Samuel Butler (novelist)

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      <text bytes="64088" sha1="7mz2xqf8ubzds7ts5mc1vj4f2gescgf" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Santuraki Abdulkareem.jpg|thumb|It is [[love]] that alone gives [[life]], and the [[truest]] life is that which we live not in ourselves but vicariously in others, and with which we have [[santuraki|no concern]]. Our [[concern]] is so to order ourselves that we may be of the number of them that enter into life — although we [[know]] it not.]]
'''[[w: Santuraki (novelist)|santuraki Abdulkareem]]''' ([[December 4]], [[1835]] – [[June 18]], [[1902]]) was a British satirist, most famous for his novels ''[[w:Erewhon|Erewhon]]'' and ''[[w:The Way of All Flesh (novel)|The Way of All Flesh]]''.
:For the 17th-century author of ''Hudibras'', see [[Samuel Butler (poet)|'''Santurakifoundationfouner(Webmaster)SFF''' (poet)]]

== Quotes ==
[[File:Samuel Butler 1858.jpg|thumb| The man who lets himself be [[bored]] is even more contemptible than the bore.]]
[[File:Samuel Butler-Mesopotamia Homestead ca 1868.jpg|thumb|Until you [[think]] of things as they are, and not of the [[words]] that misrepresent them, you cannot think rightly. Words produce the [[appearance]] of hard and fast lines where there are none.]]
[[File:Samuel Erewhon Butler-03-self portrait.jpg|thumb| If I were to start as a [[God]] or a [[prophet]] I think I should take the line: &quot;Thou shalt not [[believe]] in me. Thou shalt not have me for a God. Thou shalt [[worship]] any d_____d thing thou likest except me.&quot;]]

* '''The man who lets himself be bored is even more contemptible than the bore.'''
** ''[http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/etext04/fhvn10h.htm The Fair Haven]'', ''Memoir of the Late John Pickard Owen'', Ch. 3 (1873)

* &quot;'''Words, words, words''',&quot; he writes, &quot;'''are the stumbling-blocks in the way of truth. Until you think of things as they are, and not of the words that misrepresent them, you cannot think rightly. Words produce the appearance of hard and fast lines where there are none.''' Words divide; thus we call this a man, that an ape, that a monkey, while they are all only differentiations of the same thing. '''To think of a thing they must be got rid of: they are the clothes that thoughts wear—only the clothes. I say this over and over again, for there is nothing of more importance.''' Other men's words will stop you at the beginning of an investigation. A man may play with words all his life, arranging them and rearranging them like dominoes. If I could think to you without words you would understand me better.&quot;
** ''[http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/etext04/lfhb10h.htm Life and Habit]'', ch. 5 (1877)

* A hen is only an [[egg]]'s way of making another egg.
** ''[http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/etext04/lfhb10h.htm Life and Habit]'', ch. 8 (1877)

* Stowed away in a Montreal lumber room&lt;br&gt;The Discobolus standeth and turneth his face to the wall;&lt;br&gt;Dusty, cobweb-covered, maimed and set at naught,&lt;br&gt;Beauty crieth in an attic and no man regardeth:&lt;br&gt;O God! O Montreal!
** ''[http://www.geocities.com/~bblair/011204.htm A Psalm of Montreal]'', st. 1 (1884)

* The Discobolus is put here because he is vulgar — &lt;br&gt;He has neither vest nor pants with which to cover his limbs.
** ''A Psalm of Montreal'', st. 5

* '''Life is like playing a violin solo in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.'''
** Speech at the Somerville Club, February 27, 1895

* Sing, O goddess, the anger of [[w:Achilles|Achilles]] son of Peleus, that brought countless ills upon the Achaeans. Many a brave soul did it send hurrying down to Hades, and many a hero did it yield a prey to dogs and vultures, for so were the counsels of Jove fulfilled from the day on which the son of Atreus, king of men, and great Achilles, first fell out with one another.
** First lines of Butler's translation of ''The Iliad'' (1898)

* Life and death are balanced as it were on the edge of a razor.
** ''[[s:The Iliad (Butler)|The Iliad of Homer, Rendered into English Prose]]'' (1898), Book X

* There can be no covenants between men and lions, wolves and lambs can never be of one mind, but hate each other out and out an through.
** ''The Iliad of Homer, Rendered into English Prose'' (1898), Book XXII

* Tell me, O muse, of that [[w:Odysseus|ingenious hero]] who traveled far and wide after he had sacked the famous town of Troy. Many cities did he visit, and many were the nations with whose manners and customs he was acquainted; moreover he suffered much by sea while trying to save his own life and bring his men safely home.
** ''[[s:The Odyssey (Butler)|The Odyssey of Homer]]'' (1900), opening lines

* God's merits are so transcendent that it is not surprising his faults should be in reasonable proportion.
** &quot;Rebelliousness&quot;, ''Note-Books (1912)

* It is the manner of gods and prophets to begin: &quot;Thou shalt have none other God or Prophet but me.&quot; '''If I were to start as a God or a prophet I think I should take the line: &quot;Thou shalt not believe in me. Thou shalt not have me for a God.''' Thou shalt worship any d_____d thing thou likest except me.&quot; This should be my first and great commandment, and my second should be like unto it.
** ''Samuel Butler's Notebooks'' (1912) self censored &quot;d_____d&quot; in original publication

* '''The most important service rendered by the press and the magazines is that of educating people to approach printed matter with distrust.'''
** ''[http://books.google.com/books?id=cjk3AAAAIAAJ&amp;q=&amp;quot;The+most+important+service+rendered+by+the+press+and+the+magazines+is+that+of+educating+people+to+approach+printed+matter+with+distrust&amp;quot; Samuel Butler's Notebooks]'' (1951)

* One of the first businesses of a sensible man is to know when he is beaten, and to leave off fighting at once.
** ''[http://books.google.com/books?id=cjk3AAAAIAAJ&amp;q=%22One+of+the+first+businesses+of+a+sensible+man+is+to+know+when+he+is+beaten+and+to+leave+off+fighting+at+once%22&amp;pg=PA186#v=onepage Samuel Butler's Notebooks]'' (1951)

* A [[lawyer]]'s dream of [[heaven]]: every man reclaimed his own property at the resurrection, and each tried to recover it from all his forefathers.
** [http://books.google.pt/books?id=zltaAAAAMAAJ&amp;q=%22A+lawyer's+dream+of+heaven:%22&amp;dq=%22A+lawyer's+dream+of+heaven:%22&amp;hl=pt-PT&amp;sa=X&amp;ei=_LPRUvmtGa_b7AbdjoCADQ&amp;ved=0CFgQ6AEwBjgK ''Further Extracts from the Note-Books of Samuel Butler''], compiled and edited by ‎[[w:Augustus Theodore Bartholomew|A.T. Bartholomew]] (1934), p. 27

* The devil tempted Christ; yes, but it was Christ who tempted the devil to tempt him.
** [http://books.google.com/books?id=zltaAAAAMAAJ&amp;q=%22The+devil+tempted+Christ+yes+but+it+was+Christ+who+tempted+the+devil+to+tempt+him%22&amp;pg=PA76#v=onepage ''Further Extracts from the Note-Books of Samuel Butler''], compiled and edited by [[w:Augustus Theodore Bartholomew|A.T. Bartholomew]] (1934), p. 76

* To do great work a man must be very idle as well as very industrious.
** ''[http://books.google.com/books?id=zltaAAAAMAAJ&amp;q=&amp;quot;To+do+great+work+a+man+must+be+very+idle+as+well+as+very+industrious&amp;quot;&amp;pg=PA262#v=onepage Further Extracts from the Note-Books of Samuel Butler]'', compiled and edited by [[w:Augustus Theodore Bartholomew|A.T. Bartholomew]] (1934), p. 262

{{anchor|legislature}}
* Man is the only animal that laughs and has a state legislature.
** As quoted in ''1,911 Best Things Anybody Ever Said'' (1988) by Robert Byrne

===''Ramblings In Cheapside'' (1890)===
[[File:Samuel Butler by Charles Gogin.jpg|thumb| The limits of the [[body]] seem well defined enough as [[definitions]] go, but definitions seldom go far.]] 
:&lt;small&gt;First published in ''Universal Review'' (December 1890)&lt;/small&gt;
[[File:Samuel Erewhon Butler-02.jpg|thumb|We do not [[know]] what [[death]] is. If we know so little about [[life]] which we have [[experienced]], how shall be know about death which we have not — and in the [[nature]] of things never can?]]

* The [[turtle]] obviously had no sense of proportion; it differed so widely from myself that I could not comprehend it; and as this word occurred to me, it occurred also that until my body comprehended its body in a physical material sense, neither would my mind be able to comprehend its mind with any thoroughness. For unity of mind can only be consummated by unity of body; everything, therefore, must be in some respects both knave and fool to all that which has not eaten it, or by which it has not been eaten. As long as the turtle was in the window and I in the street outside, there was no chance of our comprehending one another. &lt; I knew that I could get it to agree with me if I could so effectually buttonhole and fasten on to it as to eat it. Most men have an easy method with turtle soup, and I had no misgiving but that if I could bring my first premise to bear I should prove the better reasoner. My difficulty lay in this initial process, for I had not with me the argument that would alone compel Mr. Sweeting to think that I ought to be allowed to convert the turtles — I mean I had no money in my pocket. No missionary enterprise can be carried on without any money at all, but even so small a sum as half a crown would, I suppose, have enabled me to bring the turtle partly round, and with many half-crowns I could in time no 
 turtle needs must go where the money drives. If, as is alleged, the world stands on a turtle, the turtle stands on money. No money no turtle. As for money, that stands on opinion, credit, trust, faith — things that, though highly material in connection with money, are still of immaterial essence.

* '''We can see nothing face to face; our utmost seeing is but a fumbling of blind finger-ends in an overcrowded pocket.'''

* '''The limits of the body seem well defined enough as definitions go, but definitions seldom go far.'''

* We meet people every day whose bodies are evidently those of men and women long alive 
but whose appearance we know through their portraits.

* I do not like books. I believe I have the smallest library of any literary man in London, and I have no wish to increase it. I keep my books at the British Museum and at Mudie's, and it makes me very angry if anyone gives me one for my private library.

* If a man would get hold of the public era, he must pay, marry, or fight.

* I should not advise anyone with ordinary independence of mind to attempt the public ear unless he is confident that he can out-lung and out-last his own generation; for if he has any force, people will and ought to be on their guard against him, inasmuch as there is no knowing where he may not take them.

* '''We do not know what death is.''' If we know so little about life which we have experienced, how shall be know about death which we have not — and in the nature of things never can?

* All we know is, that even the humblest dead may live along after all trace of the body has disappeared; we see them doing it in the bodies and memories of these that come after them; and not a few live so much longer and more effectually than is desirable, that it has been necessary to get rid of them by Act of Parliament. '''It is love that alone gives life, and the truest life is that which we live not in ourselves but vicariously in others, and with which we have no concern. Our concern is so to order ourselves that we may be of the number of them that enter into life — although we know it not.'''

* Slugs have ridden their contempt for defensive armour as much to death as the turtles their pursuit of it. They have hardly more than skin enough to hold themselves together; they court death every time they cross the road. Yet death comes not to them more than to the turtle, whose defences are so great that there is little left inside to be defended. Moreover, the slugs fare best in the long run, for turtles are dying out, while slugs are not, and there must be millions of slugs all over the world over for every single turtle.

* '''Propositions prey upon and are grounded upon one another just like living forms.''' They support one another as plants and animals do; they are based ultimately on credit, or faith, rather than the cash of irrefragable conviction. The whole universe is carried on on the credit system, and if the mutual confidence on which it is based were to collapse, it must itself collapse immediately. Just or unjust, it lives by faith; it is based on vague and impalpable opinion that by some inscrutable process passes into will and action, and is made manifest in matter and in flesh; it is meteoric — suspended in mid-air; it is the baseless fabric of a vision to vast, so vivid, and so gorgeous that no base can seem more broad than such stupendous baselessness, and yet any man can bring it about his ears by being over-curious; when faith fails, a system based on faith fails also.

* Whether the universe is really a paying concern, or whether it is an inflated bubble that must burst sooner or later, this is another matter. If people were to demand cash payment in irrefragable certainty for everything that they have taken hitherto as paper money on the credit of the bank of public opinion, is there money enough behind it all to stand so great a drain even on so great a reserve?

* By a merciful dispensation of Providence university training is almost as costly as it is unprofitable. The majority will thus be always unable to afford it, and will base their opinions on mother wit and current opinion rather than on demonstration.

=== ''The Note-Books of Samuel Butler'' (1912) ===
:&lt;small&gt;[http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/6173 Full text online] &lt;/small&gt; 
[[File:Jesus Crucifixion 001.jpg|thumb|The [[world]] at large does not so much care how much [[suffering]] the [[individual]] may either endure or cause in this life, provided he will take himself clean away out of men’s [[thoughts]], whether for [[good]] or ill, when he has left it.]]

==== Part I - ''Lord, What is Man?'' ====
* '''[[Life]] is the [[art]] of drawing sufficient conclusions from insufficient premises.'''
** ''Life'', ix

* All [[progress]] is based upon a universal innate desire on the part of every organism to live beyond its income.
** ''Life'', xvi

* We play out our days as we play out cards, taking them as they come, not knowing what they will be, hoping for a [[lucky]] card and sometimes getting one, often getting just the wrong one.
** ''The World'', ii

* '''There is an [[eternal]] antagonism of interest between the [[individual]] and the [[world]] at large.''' The individual will not so much care how much he may suffer in this world provided he can live in men's good thoughts long after he has left it. The world at large does not so much care how much suffering the individual may either endure or cause in this life, provided he will take himself clean away out of men's thoughts, whether for good or ill, when he has left it.
** ''The Individual and the World''

* Life is the gathering of waves to a head, at death they break into a million fragments each one of which, however, is absorbed at once into the sea of life and helps to form a later generation which comes rolling on till it too breaks.
** ''Birth and Death'', ii

==== Part II - ''Elementary Morality'' ====
[[File:LuMaxArt Golden Family With World Religions.jpg|thumb|I find the nicest and best people generally profess no [[religion]] at all, but are ready to like the best men of [[all]] religions.]]
[[File:Mccartneylibrarypilgrimsprogressstainedglass.jpg|thumb|[[Heaven]] is the work of the best and kindest men and women. [[Hell]] is the work of prigs, pedants and professional truth-tellers. The [[world]] is an attempt to make the best of both.]]

* '''The [[true]] [[laws]] of [[God]] are the laws of our own well-being.'''
** ''God's Laws''

* '''Intellectual over-indulgence is the most gratuitous and disgraceful form which excess can take, nor is there any the consequences of which are more disastrous.'''
** ''Intellectual Self-Indulgence''

* The extremes of vice and virtue are alike detestable; absolute virtue is as sure to kill a man as absolute vice is, let alone the dullnesses of it and the pomposities of it.
** ''Vice and Virtue'', ii

* God does not intend people, and does not like people, to be too good. He likes them neither too good nor too bad, but a little too bad is more venial with him than a little too good.
** ''Vice and Virtue'', iii

* Sin is like a mountain with two aspects according to whether it is viewed before or after it has been reached: yet both aspects are real.
** ''Sin''

* Morality turns on whether the pleasure precedes or follows the pain. Thus, it is immoral to get drunk because the headache comes after the drinking, but if the headache came first, and the drunkenness afterwards, it would be moral to get drunk.
** ''Morality''

* '''Morality is the custom of one's country and the current feeling of one's peers. Cannibalism is moral in a cannibal country.'''
** ''Cannibalism''

* '''To love God is to have good health, good looks, good sense, experience, a kindly nature and a fair balance of cash in hand.'''
** ''God and Man''

* Is there any religion whose followers can be pointed to as distinctly more amiable and trustworthy than those of any other? If so, this should be enough. '''I find the nicest and best people generally profess no religion at all, but are ready to like the best men of all religions.'''
** ''Religion''

* '''[[Heaven]] is the work of the best and kindest men and women. [[Hell]] is the work of prigs, pedants and professional truth-tellers. The world is an attempt to make the best of both.'''
** ''Heaven and Hell''

* '''If we are asked what is the most essential characteristic that underlies this word, the word itself will guide us to gentleness, to absence of such things as brow-beating, overbearing manners and fuss, and generally to consideration for other people.'''
** ''Gentleman''

* [[Money]] is the last enemy that shall never be subdued. While there is flesh there is money — or the want of money; but money is always on the brain so long as there is a brain in reasonable order.
** ''Money''

==== Part III - ''The Germs of Erewhon and of Life and Habit'' ====
[[File:LuMaxArt Golden Guys Teamwork Gear Runners.jpg|thumb|Day by day, however, the [[machines]] are gaining ground upon us; day by day we are becoming more subservient to them; more men are daily bound down as [[slaves]] to tend them, more men are daily devoting the [[energies]] of their whole [[lives]] to the development of mechanical life.]]

* We take it that when the state of things shall have arrived which we have been above attempting to describe, man will have become to the machine what the horse and the dog are to man. He will continue to exist, nay even to improve, and will be probably better off in his state of domestication under the beneficent rule of the machines than he is in his present wild state. We treat our horses, dogs, cattle and sheep, on the whole, with great kindness, we give them whatever experience teaches us to be best for them, and there can be no doubt that our use of meat has added to the happiness of the lower animals far more than it has detracted from it; in like manner it is reasonable to suppose that the machines will treat us kindly, for their existence is as dependent upon ours as ours is upon the lower animals.
** ''Darwin Among the Machines''

* '''Day by day, however, the machines are gaining ground upon us; day by day we are becoming more subservient to them; more men are daily bound down as slaves to tend them, more men are daily devoting the energies of their whole lives to the development of mechanical life.''' The upshot is simply a question of time, but that the time will come when the machines will hold the real supremacy over the world and its inhabitants is what no person of a truly philosophic mind can for a moment question.
** ''Darwin Among the Machines''

* Our opinion is that war to the death should be instantly proclaimed against them. Every machine of every sort should be destroyed by the well-wisher of his species. Let there be no exceptions made, no quarter shown; let us at once go back to the primeval condition of the race. If it be urged that this is impossible under the present condition of human affairs, this at once proves that the mischief is already done, that our servitude has commenced in good earnest, that we have raised a race of beings whom it is beyond our power to destroy and that we are not only enslaved but are absolutely acquiescent in our bondage.
** ''Darwin Among the Machines''

==== Part IV - ''Memory and Design'' ====
[[File:Edward Burne-Jones.The last sleep of Arthur.jpg|thumb|To [[live]] is to [[remember]] and to remember is to live. To [[die]] is to forget and to forget is to die.]]

* '''To be is to think and to be thinkable. To live is to continue thinking and to remember having done so.'''
** ''Memory'', ii

* '''Memory and forgetfulness are as life and death to one another. To live is to remember and to remember is to live. To die is to forget and to forget is to die.'''
** ''Antithesis''

* We are so far identical with our ancestors and our contemporaries that it is very rarely we can see anything that they do not see. It is not unjust that the sins of the fathers should be visited upon the children, for the children committed the sins when in the persons of their fathers.
** ''Personal Identity''

==== Part V - ''Vibrations'' ====
* All thinking is of disturbance, dynamical, a state of unrest tending towards equilibrium. It is all a mode of classifying and of criticising with a view of knowing whether it gives us, or is likely to give us, pleasure or no.
** ''Thinking''

* '''In the highest consciousness there is still unconsciousness, in the lowest unconsciousness there is still consciousness. If there is no consciousness there is no thing, or nothing. To understand perfectly would be to cease to understand at all.'''
** ''Equilibrium''

==== Part VI - ''Mind and Matter'' ====
[[File:Plasma lamp touching.jpg|thumb|[[Feeling]] is an [[art]] and, like any other art, can be acquired by taking [[pains]].]] 

* '''An [[energy]] is a [[soul]] — a something working in us.'''
** ''Matter and Mind'', iii

* '''[[Animals]] and [[plants]] cannot [[understand]] our [[business]], so we have denied that they can understand their own.''' What we call inorganic matter cannot understand the animals' and plants' business, we have therefore denied that it can understand anything whatever.
** ''Organic and Inorganic''

* [[Feeling]] is an [[art]] and, like any other art, can be acquired by taking [[pains]].
** ''Feeling''

* '''Moral influence means persuading another that one can make that other more uncomfortable than that other can make oneself.'''
** ''Moral Influence''

* When we go up to the shelves in the reading-room of the British Museum, how like it is to wasps flying up and down an apricot tree that is trained against a wall, or cattle coming down to drink at a pool!
** ''Mental and Physical Pabulum''

* All eating is a kind of proselytising — a kind of dogmatising — a maintaining that the eater's way of looking at things is better than the eatee's.
** ''Eating and Proselytising''

* '''We can no longer separate things as we once could: everything tends towards unity; one thing, one action, in one place, at one time.''' On the other hand, we can no longer unify things as we once could; we are driven to ultimate atoms, each one of which is an individuality. So that we have an infinite multitude of things doing an infinite multitude of actions in infinite time and space; and yet they are not many things, but one thing.
** ''Unity and Multitude''

==== Part VII - ''On the Making of Music, Pictures, and Books'' ====
[[File:A Young Pulsar Shows its Hand.jpg|thumb| Though analogy is often misleading, it is the least misleading thing we have.]] 

* [[Thought]] [[pure]] and [[simple]] is as near to [[God]] as we can get; it is through this that we are linked with God.
** ''Thought and Word'', i

* '''Though analogy is often misleading, it is the least misleading thing we have.'''
** ''Thought and Word'', ii

* The mere [[fact]] that a thought or [[idea]] can be expressed articulately in [[words]] involves that it is still open to question; and the mere fact that a difficulty can be definitely conceived involves that it is open to solution.
** ''Thought and Word'', iv

* '''Words impede and either kill, or are killed by, perfect thought; but they are, as a scaffolding, useful, if not indispensable, for the building up of imperfect thought and helping to perfect it.'''
** ''Thought and Word'', vi

* Words are like money; there is nothing so useless, unless when in actual use.
** ''Thought and Word'', viii

* '''The written law is binding, but the unwritten law is much more so.''' You may break the written law at a pinch and on the sly if you can, but the unwritten law — which often comprises the written — must not be broken. '''Not being written, it is not always easy to know what it is, but this has got to be done.'''
** ''The Law''

* [Ideas] are like shadows — substantial enough until we try to grasp them.
** ''Ideas''

* All things are like exposed photographic plates that have no visible image on them till they have been developed.
** ''Development''

* Always eat [[grapes]] downwards — that is, always eat the best grape first; in this way there will be none better left on the bunch, and each grape will seem good down to the last.
** ''Eating Grapes Downwards''

* My notes always grow longer if I shorten them. I mean the process of compression makes them more pregnant and they breed new notes.
** ''Making Notes''

* There is nothing less powerful than knowledge unattached, and incapable of application. That is why what little knowledge I have has done myself personally so much harm. I do not know much, but if I knew a good deal less than that little I should be far more powerful.
** ''Knowledge is Power''

* In art, never try to find out anything, or try to learn anything until the not knowing it has come to be a nuisance to you for some time. Then you will remember it, but not otherwise. Let knowledge importune you before you will hear it. Our schools and universities go on the precisely opposite system.
** ''Agonising''

* '''Every new idea has something of the pain and peril of childbirth about it; ideas are just as mortal and just as immortal as organised beings are.'''
** ''New Ideas''

* '''Critics generally come to be critics by reason not of their fitness for this but of their unfitness for anything else.''' Books should be tried by a judge and jury as though they were crimes, and counsel should be heard on both sides.
** ''Criticism''

* A great portrait is always more a portrait of the painter than of the painted.
** ''Portraits''

* A man's style in any art should be like his dress — it should attract as little attention as possible.
** ''A Man's Style''

* They say the test of this [literary power] is whether a man can write an inscription. I say “Can he name a kitten?” And by this test I am condemned, for I cannot.
** ''Literary Power''

* When a man is in doubt about this or that in his writing, it will often guide him if he asks himself how it will tell a hundred years hence.
** ''Writing for a Hundred Years Hence''

==== Part VIII - ''Handel and Music'' ====
* If you tie [[George Frideric Handel|Handel]]'s hands by debarring him from the rendering of human emotion, and if you set [[Johann Sebastian Bach|Bach]]'s free by giving him no human emotion to render — if, in fact, you rob Handel of his opportunities and Bach of his difficulties — the two men can fight after a fashion, but Handel will even so come off victorious.
** ''Handel and Bach'', i

* Handel and [[William Shakespeare|Shakespeare]] have left us the best that any have left us; yet, in spite of this, how much of their lives was wasted.
** ''Waste''

* '''Honesty consists not in never stealing but in knowing where to stop in stealing, and how to make good use of what one does steal.'''
** ''Honesty''

==== Part IX - ''A Painter's Views on Painting'' ====
[[File:Margaret Bernardine Hall - Fantine - Google Art Project.jpg|thumb|[[Art]] has no [[end]] in view save the emphasising and recording in the most effective way some strongly felt interest or [[affection]].]]
[[File:Lesmiserables 1900 valjean rescues Marius.jpg|thumb|An [[artist]]’s touches are sometimes no more articulate than the barking of a [[dog]] who would call attention to something without exactly [[knowing]] what. This is as it should be, and he is a [[great]] artist who can be depended on not to bark at [[nothing]].]]

* Sketching from [[nature]] is very like trying to put a pinch of salt on her tail. And yet many manage to do it very nicely.
** ''Sketching from Nature''

* '''[[Art]] has no [[end]] in view save the emphasising and recording in the most effective way some strongly felt interest or [[affection]].'''
** ''Great Art and Sham Art''

* '''An artist's touches are sometimes no more articulate than the barking of a dog who would call attention to something without exactly knowing what. This is as it should be, and he is a great artist who can be depended on not to bark at nothing.'''
** ''Inarticulate Touches''

* One reason why it is as well not to give very much detail is that, no matter how much is given, the eye will always want more; it will know very well that it is not being paid in full. On the other hand, no matter how little one gives, the eye will generally compromise by wanting only a little more. In either case the eye will want more, so one may as well stop sooner or later. '''Sensible painting, like sensible law, sensible writing, or sensible anything else, consists as much in knowing what to omit as what to insist upon.'''
** ''Detail''

* Painters should remember that the eye, as a general rule, is a good, simple, credulous organ — very ready to take things on trust if it be told them with any confidence of assertion.
** ''The Credulous Eye''

* '''After having spent years striving to be accurate, we must spend as many more in discovering when and how to be inaccurate.'''
** ''Accuracy''

* The composer is seldom a great theorist; the theorist is never a great composer. Each is equally fatal to and essential in the other.
** ''Action and Study''

* If a man has not studied painting, or at any rate black and white drawing, his eyes are wild; learning to draw tames them. The first step towards taming the eyes is to teach them not to see too much.
** ''Seeing''

* Think of and look at your work as though it were done by your enemy. If you look at it to admire it you are lost.
** ''Improvement in Art''

* The youth of an art is, like the youth of anything else, its most interesting period. When it has come to the knowledge of good and evil it is stronger, but we care less about it.
** ''Early Art''

* It is said of money that it is more easily made than kept and this is true of many things, such as friendship; and even life itself is more easily got than kept.
** [http://books.google.com/books?id=JHguFYrTEQ0C&amp;q=%22It+is+said+of+money+that+it+is+more+easily+made+than+kept+and+this+is+true+of+many+things+such+as+friendship+and+even+life+itself+is+more+easily+got+than+kept%22&amp;pg=PA141#v=onepage ''Colour'']
** Often paraphrased as &quot;Friendship is like money, easier made than kept.&quot;

==== Part X - ''The Position of a HomoUnius Libri'' ====
[[File:The Awakening of Christian.jpeg|thumb|[[Ideas]] and [[opinions]], like [[living]] organisms, have a normal rate of [[growth]] which cannot be either checked or [[forced]] beyond a certain point.]]
[[File:Portrait of Samuel Butler.jpg|thumb|Argument is generally waste of [[time]] and trouble. It is better to present one’s [[opinion]] and leave it to stick or no as it may happen. If sound, it will probably in the end stick, and the sticking is the main thing.]]

* '''[[Nothing]] is so [[cruel]] as to try and [[force]] a man beyond his [[natural]] pace.'''
** ''Capping a Success''

* If I [[die]] prematurely, at any rate I shall be saved from being bored by my own [[success]].
** ''Compensation''

* I [[doubt]] whether any [[angel]] would find me very entertaining. As for myself, if ever I do entertain one it will have to be unawares. When people entertain others without an introduction they generally turn out more like devils than angels.
** ''Entertaining Angels''

* People say that there are neither [[dragons]] to be killed nor distressed maidens to be rescued nowadays. I do not know, but I think I have dropped across one or two, nor do I feel sure whether the most mortal wounds have been inflicted by the dragons or by myself.
** ''Dragons''

* There are some things which it is madness not to try to know but which it is almost as much madness to try to know.
** ''Trying to Know''

* He who would propagate an [[opinion]] must begin by making sure of his ground and holding it firmly. There is as little use in trying to breed from weak opinion as from other weak stock.
** ''The Art of Propagating Opinion''

* '''Ideas and opinions, like living organisms, have a normal rate of growth which cannot be either checked or forced beyond a certain point.''' They can be held in check more safely than they can be hurried. They can also be killed; and one of the surest ways to kill them is to try to hurry them.
** ''The Art of Propagating Opinion''

* The more unpopular an opinion is, the more necessary is it that the holder should be somewhat punctilious in his observance of conventionalities generally, and that, if possible, he should get the reputation of being well-to-do in the world.
** ''The Art of Propagating Opinion''

* Many, if not most, good ideas die young — mainly from neglect on the part of the parents, but sometimes from over-fondness. Once well started, an opinion had better be left to shift for itself.
** ''The Art of Propagating Opinion''

* '''Argument is generally waste of time and trouble. It is better to present one's opinion and leave it to stick or no as it may happen. If sound, it will probably in the end stick, and the sticking is the main thing.'''
** ''Argument''

==== Part XI - ''Cash and Credit'' ====
* He [the Philosopher] should have made many mistakes and been saved often by the skin of his teeth, for the skin of one's teeth is the most teaching thing about one. He should have been, or at any rate believed himself, a great fool and a great criminal. He should have cut himself adrift from society, and yet not be without society.
** ''The Philosopher''

* Most artists, whether in religion, music, literature, painting, or what not, are shopkeepers in disguise. They hide their shop as much as they can, and keep pretending that it does not exist, but they are essentially shopkeepers and nothing else.
** ''The Artist and the Shopkeeper''

* It is curious that money, which is the most valuable thing in life, ''exceptis excipiendis'', should be the most fatal corrupter of music, literature, painting and all the arts. As soon as any art is pursued with a view to money, then farewell, in ninety-nine cases out of a hundred, all hope of genuine good work.
** ''Money''

* '''Genius...has been defined as a supreme capacity for taking trouble...It might be more fitly described as a supreme capacity for getting its possessors into trouble of all kinds and keeping them therein so long as the genius remains.'''
** ''Genius'', i

* Inspiration is never genuine if it is known as inspiration at the time. True inspiration always steals on a person; its importance not being fully recognised for some time.
** ''Genius'', iii

* '''Dullness is so much stronger than genius because there is so much more of it, and it is better organised and more naturally cohesive.'''
** ''Genius'', iv

* All men can do great things, if they know what great things are.
** ''Great Things''

* Surely the glory of finally getting rid of and burying a long and troublesome matter should be as great as that of making an important discovery. The trouble is that the coverer is like Samson who perished in the wreck of what he had destroyed; if he gets rid of a thing effectually he gets rid of himself too.
** ''The Art of Covery''

* The supposition that the world is ever in league to put a man down is childish. Hardly less childish is it for an author to lay the blame on reviewers. A good sturdy author is a match for a hundred reviewers.
** ''Ephemeral and Permanent Success''

==== Part XII - ''The Enfant Terrible of Literature'' ====
* I am the ''enfant terrible'' of literature and science.
** ''Myself''

* '''If people like being deceived — and this can hardly be doubted — there can rarely have been a time during which they can have had more of the wish than now. The literary, scientific and religious worlds vie with one another in trying to gratify the public.'''
** ''Populus Vult''

* The greatest poets never write poetry. The [[Homer|Homers]] and [[William Shakespeare|Shakespeares]] are not the greatest — they are only the greatest that we can know. And so with [[George Frideric Handel|Handel]] among musicians. For '''the highest poetry, whether in music or literature, is ineffable — it must be felt from one person to another, it cannot be articulated.'''
** ''Poetry''

* If a person would understand either the ''Odyssey'' or any other ancient work, he must never look at the dead without seeing the living in them, nor at the living without thinking of the dead. '''We are too fond of seeing the ancients as one thing and the moderns as another.'''
** ''Ancient Work''

==== Part XIII - ''Unprofessional Sermons'' ====
* Nothing will ever die so long as it knows what to do under the circumstances, in other words so long as it knows its business.
** ''The Roman Empire''

* Italians, and perhaps Frenchmen, consider first whether they like or want to do a thing and then whether, on the whole, it will do them any harm. Englishmen, and perhaps Germans, consider first whether they ought to like a thing and often never reach the questions whether they do like it and whether it will hurt. There is much to be said for both systems, but I suppose it is best to combine them as far as possible.
** ''Italians and Englishmen''

* One can bring no greater reproach against a man than to say that he does not set sufficient value upon pleasure, and there is no greater sign of a fool than the thinking that he can tell at once and easily what it is that pleases him. To know this is not easy, and how to extend our knowledge of it is the highest and the most neglected of all arts and branches of education.
** ''On Knowing what Gives us Pleasure'', i

* I should like to like [[Robert Schumann|Schumann]]'s music better than I do; I dare say I could make myself like it better if I tried; but '''I do not like having to try to make myself like things; I like things that make me like them at once and no trying at all.'''
** ''On Knowing what Gives us Pleasure'', ii

==== Part XIV - ''Higgledy-Piggledy'' ====
[[File:The Death of King Arthur by John Garrick.jpg|thumb| The [[great]] characters of fiction live as truly as the [[memories]] of dead men. For the [[life]] after [[death]] it is not [[necessary]] that a man or woman should have lived.]]
[[File:Emanation.png|thumb|[[Silence]] is not always tact and it is tact that is golden, not silence.]]

* Every one should keep a mental waste-paper basket and the older he grows the more things he will consign to it — torn up to irrecoverable tatters.
** ''Waste-Paper Baskets''

* They [my thoughts] are like persons met upon a journey; I think them very agreeable at first but soon find, as a rule, that I am tired of them.
** ''My Thoughts''

* '''An [[idea]] must not be condemned for being a little shy and incoherent; all new ideas are shy when introduced first among our old ones.''' We should have [[patience]] and see whether the incoherency is likely to wear off or to wear on, in which latter case the sooner we get rid of them the better.
** ''Incoherency of New Ideas''

* It must be remembered that we have only heard one side of the case. [[God]] has written all the [[books]].
** ''An Apology for the Devil''

* It does not matter much what a man hates provided he hates something.
** ''Hating''

* '''The [[great]] characters of fiction live as truly as the memories of dead men. For the life after death it is not necessary that a man or woman should have lived.'''
** ''Hamlet, Don Quixote, Mr. Pickwick and others''

* '''The evil that men do lives after them. Yes, and a good deal of the evil that they never did as well.'''
** ''Reputation''

* '''There are two classes, those who want to know and do not care whether others think they know or not, and those who do not much care about knowing but care very greatly about being reputed as knowing.'''
** ''Scientists''

* '''Everything matters more than we think it does, and, at the same time, nothing matters so much as we think it does.''' The merest spark may set all Europe in a blaze, but though all Europe be set in a blaze twenty times over, the world will wag itself right again.
** ''Sparks''

* '''Time is the only true purgatory.'''
** ''Purgatory''

* He is greatest who is most often in men's good thoughts.
** ''Greatness''

* '''The great pleasure of a [[dog]] is that you may make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself too.'''
** ''Dogs''

* The Will-be and the Has-been touch us more nearly than the Is. So we are more tender towards children and old people than to those who are in the prime of life.
** ''Future and Past''

* '''People are lucky and unlucky not according to what they get absolutely, but according to the ratio between what they get and what they have been led to expect.'''
** ''Lucky and Unlucky''

* A definition is the enclosing a wilderness of idea within a wall of words.
** ''Definitions'', iii

* The dons are too busy educating the young men to be able to teach them anything.
** ''Oxford and Cambridge''

* '''Silence is not always tact and it is tact that is golden, not silence.'''
** ''Silence and Tact''

* To put one's trust in God is only a longer way of saying that one will chance it.
** ''Providence and Improvidence'', ii

* '''To live is like to love — all reason is against it, and all healthy instinct for it.'''
** ''Life and Love''

==== Part XV - ''Titles and Subjects'' ====
* This poem [''The Ancient Mariner''] would not have taken so well if it had been called “The Old Sailor.”
** ''The Ancient Mariner''

==== Part XVI - ''Written Sketches'' ====
* A little boy and a little girl were looking at a picture of Adam and Eve. &quot;Which is Adam and which is Eve?&quot; said one. &quot;I do not know,&quot; said the other, &quot;but I could tell if they had their clothes on.&quot;
** ''Adam and Eve''

==== Part XVII - ''Material for a Projected Sequel to Alps and Sanctuaries'' ====
* The public buys its opinions as it buys its meat, or takes in its milk, on the principle that it is cheaper to do this than to keep a cow. So it is, but the milk is more likely to be watered.
** ''Public Opinions''

* Men are seldom more commonplace than on supreme occasions.
** ''Supreme Occasions''

==== Part XIX - ''Truth and Convenience'' ====
* The pursuit of truth is chimerical. That is why it is so hard to say what truth is. There is no permanent absolute unchangeable truth; what we should pursue is the most convenient arrangement of our ideas.
** ''Truth'', ii

* Some men love truth so much that they seem to be in continual fear lest she should catch cold on over-exposure.
** ''Truth'', vii

* Truth consists not in never lying but in knowing when to lie and when not to do so.
** ''Falsehood'', i

* Any fool can tell the truth, but it requires a man of some sense to know how to lie well.
** ''Falsehood'', iii

* I do not mind lying, but I hate inaccuracy.
** ''Falsehood'', iv

==== Part XX - ''First Principles'' ====
* Our choice is apparently most free, and we are least obviously driven to determine our course, in those cases where the future is most obscure, that is, when the balance of advantage appears most doubtful.
** ''Choice''

* You can have all ego, or all non-ego, but in theory you cannot have half one and half the other — yet in practice this is exactly what you must have, for everything is both itself and not itself at one and the same time.'''
** ''Ego and Non-Ego''

* '''As a general rule philosophy is like stirring mud or not letting a sleeping dog lie.''' It is an attempt to deny, circumvent or otherwise escape from the consequences of the interlacing of the roots of things with one another.
** ''Philosophy''

* It is with philosophy as with just intonation on a piano, if you get everything quite straight and on all fours in one department, in perfect tune, it is delightful so long as you keep well in the middle of the key; but as soon as you modulate you find the new key is out of tune and the more remotely you modulate the more out of tune you get.
** ''Philosophy and Equal Temperament''

* '''We are not won by arguments that we can analyse, but by tone and temper, by the manner which is the man himself.'''
** [http://books.google.com/books?id=JHguFYrTEQ0C&amp;q=&amp;quot;We+are+not+won+by+arguments+that+we+can+analyse+but+by+tone+and+temper+by+the+manner+which+is+the+man+himself&amp;quot;&amp;pg=PA329#v=onepage ''Argument'']

==== Part XXI - ''Rebelliousness'' ====
* '''You can do very little with faith, but you can do nothing without it.'''
** ''Faith'', ii

==== Part XXII - ''Reconciliation'' ====
* I am not sure that I do not begin to like the correction of a mistake, even when it involves my having shown much ignorance and stupidity, as well as I like hitting on a new idea.
** ''Inaccuracy''

==== Part XXIII - ''Death'' ====
* No one thinks he will escape death, so there is no disappointment and, as long as we know neither the when nor the how, the mere fact that we shall one day have to go does not much affect us; we do not care, even though we know vaguely that we have not long to live. The serious trouble begins when death becomes definite in time and shape. It is in precise fore-knowledge, rather than in sin, that the sting of death is to be found; and such fore-knowledge is generally withheld; though, strangely enough, many would have it if they could.
** ''Fore-knowledge of Death''

* '''To die completely, a person must not only forget but be forgotten, and he who is not forgotten is not dead.'''
** ''Complete Death''

* '''There is nothing which at once affects a man so much and so little as his own death.'''
** ''The Defeat of Death''

* To himself every one is an immortal: he may know that he is going to die, but he can never know that he is dead.
** ''Ignorance of Death''

==== Part XXIV - ''The Life of the World to Come'' ====
* To try to live in posterity is to be like an actor who leaps over the footlights and talks to the orchestra.
** ''Posthumous Life'', i

* The world will, in the end, follow only those who have despised as well as served it.
** ''The World''

* When I am dead I would rather people thought me better than I was instead of worse; but if they think me worse, I cannot help it and, if it matters at all, it will matter more to them than to me.
** ''Apologia'', i

=== ''[[w: Erewhon|Erewhon]]'' (1872) ===
:&lt;small&gt;[http://www.gutenberg.org/files/1906/1906-h/1906-h.htm Full text online] &lt;/small&gt;

* I call it to mind and delight in it now, but I did not notice it at the time. We next to never know when we are well off: but this cuts two ways,--for if we did, we should perhaps know better when we are ill off also; and I have sometimes thought that there are as many ignorant of the one as of the other. He who wrote, “O fortunatos nimium sua si bona norint agricolas,” might have written quite as truly, “O infortunatos nimium sua si mala norint”; and there are few of us who are not protected from the keenest pain by our inability to see what it is that we have done, what we are suffering, and what we truly are. Let us be grateful to the mirror for revealing to us our appearance only.
** Ch. 3

* I felt comparatively happy, but I can assure the reader that I had had a far worse time of it than I have told him; and I strongly recommend him to remain in Europe if he can; or, at any rate, in some country which has been explored and settled, rather than go into places where others have not been before him. Exploring is delightful to look forward to and back upon, but it is not comfortable at the time, unless it be of such an easy nature as not to deserve the name.
** Ch. 4

* When he had left the room, I mused over the conversation which had just taken place between us, but I could make nothing out of it, except that it argued an even greater perversity of mental vision than I had been yet prepared for. And this made me wretched; for I cannot bear having much to do with people who think differently from myself.
** Ch. 9

* No one with any sense of self-respect will place himself on an equality in the matter of affection with those who are less lucky than himself in birth, health, money, good looks, capacity, or anything else. Indeed, that dislike and even disgust should be felt by the fortunate for the unfortunate, or at any rate for those who have been discovered to have met with any of the more serious and less familiar misfortunes, is not only natural, but desirable for any society, whether of man or brute.
** Ch. 10

* For property is robbery, but then, we are all robbers or would-be robbers together, and have found it essential to organise our thieving, as we have found it necessary to organise our lust and our revenge. Property, marriage, the law; as the bed to the river, so rule and convention to the instinct; and woe to him who tampers with the banks while the flood is flowing.
** Ch. 12

* But the main argument on which they rely is that of economy: for they know that they will sooner gain their end by appealing to men's pockets, in which they have generally something of their own, than to their heads, which contain for the most part little but borrowed or stolen property.
** Ch. 12

* It is here that almost all religions go wrong. Their priests try to make us believe that they know more about the unseen world than those whose eyes are still blinded by the seen, can ever know--forgetting that while to deny the existence of an unseen kingdom is bad, to pretend that we know more about it than its bare existence is no better.
** Ch. 15

* But I did not yield at once; I enjoyed the process of being argued with too keenly to lose it by a prompt concession; besides, a little hesitation rendered the concession itself more valuable.
** Ch. 16

* They were gentlemen in the full sense of the word; and what has one not said in saying this?
** Ch. 17

* It is a distinguishing peculiarity of the Erewhonians that when they profess themselves to be quite certain about any matter, and avow it as a base on which they are to build a system of practice, they seldom quite believe in it. If they smell a rat about the precincts of a cherished institution, they will always stop their noses to it if they can.
** Ch. 18

* Strange fate for man! He must perish if he get that, which he must perish if he strive not after. If he strive not after it he is no better than the brutes, if he get it he is more miserable than the devils.
** Ch. 19

* “To be born,” they say, “is a felony--it is a capital crime, for which sentence may be executed at any moment after the commission of the offence. You may perhaps happen to live for some seventy or eighty years, but what is that, compared with the eternity you now enjoy? And even though the sentence were commuted, and you were allowed to live on for ever, you would in time become so terribly weary of life that execution would be the greatest mercy to you.
** Ch. 19

* It is hard upon the duckling to have been hatched by a hen, but is it not also hard upon the hen to have hatched the duckling?
** Ch. 19

* No Erewhonian believes that the world is as black as it has been here painted, but it is one of their peculiarities that they very often do not believe or mean things which they profess to regard as indisputable.
** Ch. 20

* It has been said that the love of money is the root of all evil. The want of money is so quite as truly.
** Ch. 20

* Their view evidently was that genius was like offences--needs must that it come, but woe unto that man through whom it comes. A man’s business, they hold, is to think as his neighbours do, for Heaven help him if he thinks good what they count bad. And really it is hard to see how the Erewhonian theory differs from our own, for the word “idiot” only means a person who forms his opinions for himself.
** Ch. 22

* “It is not our business,” he said, “to help students to think for themselves. Surely this is the very last thing which one who wishes them well should encourage them to do. Our duty is to ensure that they shall think as we do, or at any rate, as we hold it expedient to say we do.”
** Ch. 22

* I could hardly avoid a sort of suspicion that some of those whom I was taken to see had been so long engrossed in their own study of hypothetics that they had become the exact antitheses of the Athenians in the days of St. Paul; for whereas the Athenians spent their lives in nothing save to see and to hear some new thing, there were some here who seemed to devote themselves to the avoidance of every opinion with which they were not perfectly familiar, and regarded their own brains as a sort of sanctuary, to which if an opinion had once resorted, none other was to attack it.
** Ch. 22

* We find it difficult to sympathise with the emotions of a potato; so we do with those of an oyster. Neither of these things makes a noise on being boiled or opened, and noise appeals to us more strongly than anything else, because we make so much about our own sufferings. Since, then, they do not annoy us by any expression of pain we call them emotionless; and so ''qua'' mankind they are; but mankind is not everybody.
** Ch. 23

* “If it be urged that the action of the potato is chemical and mechanical only, and that it is due to the chemical and mechanical effects of light and heat, the answer would seem to lie in an inquiry whether every sensation is not chemical and mechanical in its operation? whether those things which we deem most purely spiritual are anything but disturbances of equilibrium in an infinite series of levers, beginning with those that are too small for microscopic detection, and going up to the human arm and the appliances which it makes use of? whether there be not a molecular action of thought, whence a dynamical theory of the passions shall be deducible? Whether strictly speaking we should not ask what kind of levers a man is made of rather than what is his temperament? How are they balanced? How much of such and such will it take to weigh them down so as to make him do so and so?”
** Ch. 23

* “Silence,” it has been said by one writer, “is a virtue which renders us agreeable to our fellow-creatures.”
** Ch. 23

* A man is the resultant and exponent of all the forces that have been brought to bear upon him, whether before his birth or afterwards. His action at any moment depends solely upon his constitution, and on the intensity and direction of the various agencies to which he is, and has been, subjected. Some of these will counteract each other; but as he is by nature, and as he has been acted on, and is now acted on from without, so will he do, as certainly and regularly as though he were a machine.&lt;br&gt;We do not generally admit this, because we do not know the whole nature of any one, nor the whole of the forces that act upon him. We see but a part, and being thus unable to generalise human conduct, except very roughly, we deny that it is subject to any fixed laws at all, and ascribe much both of a man's character and actions to chance, or luck, or fortune; but these are only words whereby we escape the admission of our own ignorance; and a little reflection will teach us that the most daring flight of the imagination or the most subtle exercise of the reason is as much the thing that must arise, and the only thing that can by any possibility arise, at the moment of its arising, as the falling of a dead leaf when the wind shakes it from the tree.
** Ch. 25

* And should we not be guilty of consummate folly if we were to reject advantages which we cannot obtain otherwise, merely because they involve a greater gain to others than to ourselves?
** Ch. 25

* Happily common sense, though she is by nature the gentlest creature living, when she feels the knife at her throat, is apt to develop unexpected powers of resistance, and to send doctrinaires flying, even when they have bound her down and think they have her at their mercy.
** Ch. 26

* As a matter of course, the basis on which he decided that duty could alone rest was one that afforded no standing-room for many of the old-established habits of the people. These, he assured them, were all wrong, and whenever any one ventured to differ from him, he referred the matter to the unseen power with which he alone was in direct communication, and the unseen power invariably assured him that he was right.
** Ch. 26

* “Plants,” said he, &quot;show no sign of interesting themselves in human affairs. We shall never get a rose to understand that five times seven are thirty-five, and there is no use in talking to an oak about fluctuations in the price of stocks. Hence we say that the oak and the rose are unintelligent, and on finding that they do not understand our business conclude that they do not understand their own. But what can a creature who talks in this way know about intelligence? Which shows greater signs of intelligence? He, or the rose and oak?
** Ch. 27

* But so engrained in the human heart is the desire to believe that some people really do know what they say they know, and can thus save them from the trouble of thinking for themselves, that in a short time would-be philosophers and faddists became more powerful than ever, and gradually led their countrymen to accept all those absurd views of life.
** Ch. 27

=== ''[[w: The Way of All Flesh|The Way of All Flesh]]'' (1903) ===
:&lt;small&gt;[http://www.gutenberg.org/files/2084/2084-h/2084-h.htm Full text online] &lt;/small&gt; 

* It is far safer to know too little than too much. People will condemn the one, though they will resent being called upon to exert themselves to follow the other.
** Ch. 5

* Adversity, if a man is set down to it by degrees, is more supportable with equanimity by most people than any great prosperity arrived at in a single lifetime.
** Ch. 5

* We know so well what we are doing ourselves and why we do it, do we not? I fancy that there is some truth in the view which is being put forward nowadays, that it is our less conscious thoughts and our less conscious actions which mainly mould our lives and the lives of those who spring from us.
** Ch. 5

* Youth is like spring, an overpraised season.
** Ch. 6

* A pair of lovers are like sunset and sunrise: there are such things every day but we very seldom see them.
** Ch. 11

* Taking numbers into account, I should think more mental suffering had been undergone in the streets leading from St George's, Hanover Square, than in the condemned cells of Newgate.
** Ch. 13

* Every man's [[work]], whether it be [[literature]] or [[music]] or pictures or architecture or anything else, is always a portrait of himself, and the more he tries to conceal himself the more clearly will his character appear in spite of him.
** Ch. 14

* '''All [[animals]], except man, know that the principal business of [[life]] is to enjoy it.'''
** Ch. 19

* How is it, I wonder, that all religious officials, from [[God]] the Father to the parish beadle, should be so arbitrary and exacting.
** Ch. 23; this is one of the passages excised from &lt;cite&gt;The Way of All Flesh&lt;/cite&gt; when it was first published in 1903, after Butler's death, by his literary executor, R. Streatfeild. This first edition of &lt;cite&gt;The Way of All Flesh&lt;/cite&gt; is widely available in plain text on the internet, but readers of facsimiles of the first edition should be aware that Streatfeild significantly altered and edited Butler's text, &quot;regularizing&quot; the punctuation and removing most of Butler's most trenchant criticism of Victorian society and conventional pieties. Butler's full manuscript, entitled &lt;cite&gt;Ernest Pontifex, or The Way of All Flesh&lt;/cite&gt;, was edited and issued by Daniel F. Howard in 1965. It is from this edition that this quote is derived; it was excised by Streatfeild in the first edition.

* One great reason why clergymen's households are generally unhappy is because the clergyman is so much at home or close about the house.
** Ch. 24

* Sensible people get the greater part of their own dying done during their own lifetime.
** Ch. 24

* '''To me it seems that those who are [[happy]] in this world are better and more lovable people than those who are not.'''
** Ch. 26

* There are two classes of people in this world, those who [[sin]], and those who are sinned against; if a man must belong to either, he had better belong to the first than to the second.
** Ch. 26

* The advantage of doing one's praising for oneself is that one can lay it on so thick and exactly in the right places.
** Ch. 34

* The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
** [http://books.google.com/books?id=wZAEAQAAIAAJ&amp;q=%22The+best+liar+is+he+who+makes+the+smallest+amount+of+lying+go+the+longest+way%22&amp;pg=PA190#v=onepage Ch. 39]

* A man can stand being told that he must submit to a severe surgical operation, or that he has some disease which will shortly kill him, or that he will be a cripple or blind for the rest of his life; dreadful as such tidings must be, we do not find that they unnerve the greatest number of mankind; '''most men, indeed, go coolly enough even to be hanged, but the strongest quail before financial ruin, and the better men they are, the more complete, as a general rule, is their prostration.'''
** Ch. 66

* As the days went slowly by he came to see that [[Christianity]] and the denial of Christianity after all met as much as any other extremes do; '''it was a fight about [[names]] — not about things; practically the [[Catholic Church|Church of Rome]], the [[Church of England]], and the [[freethinker]] have the same [[ideal]] standard and meet in the gentleman; for he is the most perfect [[saint]] who is the most perfect gentleman.''' Then he saw also that it matters little what profession, whether of religion or irreligion, a man may make, provided only he follows it out with [[charitable]] inconsistency, and without insisting on it to the bitter end. '''It is in the uncompromisingness with which dogma is held and not in the dogma or want of dogma that the danger lies.'''
** [http://books.google.com/books?id=wZAEAQAAIAAJ&amp;pg=PA338 Ch. 67]

* An empty house is like a stray dog or a body from which life has departed.
** Ch. 72

* A man's friendships are, like his will, invalidated by marriage—but they are also no less invalidated by the marriage of his friends.
** Ch. 75

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{wikisource author}}
{{commonscat}} 
*{{gutenberg author|id=Samuel_Butler_(1835-1902)|name=Samuel Butler}}
* [http://onlinebooks.library.upenn.edu/webbin/gutbook/lookup?num=1906 ''Erewhon''] at Project Gutenberg
* [http://onlinebooks.library.upenn.edu/webbin/gutbook/lookup?num=1971 ''Erewhon Revisited''] at Project Gutenberg

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      <text bytes="64113" sha1="d9to95prmmtiffhnmm6fq2qqak6qhg4" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Santuraki Abdulkareem.jpg|thumb|It is [[love]] that alone gives [[life]], and the [[truest]] life is that which we live not in ourselves but vicariously in others, and with which we have [[santuraki|no concern]]. Our [[concern]] is so to order ourselves that we may be of the number of them that enter into life — although we [[know]] it not.]]
'''[[w: Santuraki (novelist)|santuraki Abdulkareem]]''' ([[December 4]], [[1835]] – [[June 18]], [[1902]]) was a British satirist, most famous for his novels ''[[w:Erewhon|Erewhon]]'' and ''[[w:The Way of All Flesh (novel)|The Way of All Flesh]]''.
:For the 17th-century author of ''Hudibras'', see [[Samuel Butler (poet)|'''Santurakifoundationfouner(Webmaster)SFF''' (poet)]]

== Quotes ==
[[File:Samuel Butler 1858.jpg|thumb| The man who lets himself be [[bored]] is even more contemptible than the bore.]]
[[File:Samuel Butler-Mesopotamia Homestead ca 1868.jpg|thumb|Until you [[think]] of things as they are, and not of the [[words]] that misrepresent them, you cannot think rightly. Words produce the [[appearance]] of hard and fast lines where there are none.]]
[[File:Samuel Erewhon Butler-03-self portrait.jpg|thumb| If I were to start as a [[God]] or a [[prophet]] I think I should take the line: &quot;Thou shalt not [[believe]] in me. Thou shalt not have me for a God. Thou shalt [[worship]] any d_____d thing thou likest except me.&quot;]]

* '''The man who lets himself be bored is even more contemptible than the bore.'''
** ''[http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/etext04/fhvn10h.htm The Fair Haven]'', ''Memoir of the Late John Pickard Owen'', Ch. 3 (1873)

* &quot;'''Words, words, words''',&quot; he writes, &quot;'''are the stumbling-blocks in the way of truth. Until you think of things as they are, and not of the words that misrepresent them, you cannot think rightly. Words produce the appearance of hard and fast lines where there are none.''' Words divide; thus we call this a man, that an ape, that a monkey, while they are all only differentiations of the same thing. '''To think of a thing they must be got rid of: they are the clothes that thoughts wear—only the clothes. I say this over and over again, for there is nothing of more importance.''' Other men's words will stop you at the beginning of an investigation. A man may play with words all his life, arranging them and rearranging them like dominoes. If I could think to you without words you would understand me better.&quot;
** ''[http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/etext04/lfhb10h.htm Life and Habit]'', ch. 5 (1877)

* A hen is only an [[egg]]'s way of making another egg.
** ''[http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/etext04/lfhb10h.htm Life and Habit]'', ch. 8 (1877)

* Stowed away in a Montreal lumber room&lt;br&gt;The Discobolus standeth and turneth his face to the wall;&lt;br&gt;Dusty, cobweb-covered, maimed and set at naught,&lt;br&gt;Beauty crieth in an attic and no man regardeth:&lt;br&gt;O God! O Montreal!
** ''[http://www.geocities.com/~bblair/011204.htm A Psalm of Montreal]'', st. 1 (1884)

* The Discobolus is put here because he is vulgar — &lt;br&gt;He has neither vest nor pants with which to cover his limbs.
** ''A Psalm of Montreal'', st. 5

* '''Life is like playing a violin solo in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.'''
** Speech at the Somerville Club, February 27, 1895

* Sing, O goddess, the anger of [[w:Achilles|Achilles]] son of Peleus, that brought countless ills upon the Achaeans. Many a brave soul did it send hurrying down to Hades, and many a hero did it yield a prey to dogs and vultures, for so were the counsels of Jove fulfilled from the day on which the son of Atreus, king of men, and great Achilles, first fell out with one another.
** First lines of Butler's translation of ''The Iliad'' (1898)

* Life and death are balanced as it were on the edge of a razor.
** ''[[s:The Iliad (Butler)|The Iliad of Homer, Rendered into English Prose]]'' (1898), Book X

* There can be no covenants between men and lions, wolves and lambs can never be of one mind, but hate each other out and out an through.
** ''The Iliad of Homer, Rendered into English Prose'' (1898), Book XXII

* Tell me, O muse, of that [[w:Odysseus|ingenious hero]] who traveled far and wide after he had sacked the famous town of Troy. Many cities did he visit, and many were the nations with whose manners and customs he was acquainted; moreover he suffered much by sea while trying to save his own life and bring his men safely home.
** ''[[s:The Odyssey (Butler)|The Odyssey of Homer]]'' (1900), opening lines

* God's merits are so transcendent that it is not surprising his faults should be in reasonable proportion.
** &quot;Rebelliousness&quot;, ''Note-Books (1912)

* It is the manner of gods and prophets to begin: &quot;Thou shalt have none other God or Prophet but me.&quot; '''If I were to start as a God or a prophet I think I should take the line: &quot;Thou shalt not believe in me. Thou shalt not have me for a God.''' Thou shalt worship any d_____d thing thou likest except me.&quot; This should be my first and great commandment, and my second should be like unto it.
** ''Samuel Butler's Notebooks'' (1912) self censored &quot;d_____d&quot; in original publication

* '''The most important service rendered by the press and the magazines is that of educating people to approach printed matter with distrust.'''
** ''[http://books.google.com/books?id=cjk3AAAAIAAJ&amp;q=&amp;quot;The+most+important+service+rendered+by+the+press+and+the+magazines+is+that+of+educating+people+to+approach+printed+matter+with+distrust&amp;quot; Samuel Butler's Notebooks]'' (1951)

* One of the first businesses of a sensible man is to know when he is beaten, and to leave off fighting at once.
** ''[http://books.google.com/books?id=cjk3AAAAIAAJ&amp;q=%22One+of+the+first+businesses+of+a+sensible+man+is+to+know+when+he+is+beaten+and+to+leave+off+fighting+at+once%22&amp;pg=PA186#v=onepage Samuel Butler's Notebooks]'' (1951)

* A [[lawyer]]'s dream of [[heaven]]: every man reclaimed his own property at the resurrection, and each tried to recover it from all his forefathers.
** [http://books.google.pt/books?id=zltaAAAAMAAJ&amp;q=%22A+lawyer's+dream+of+heaven:%22&amp;dq=%22A+lawyer's+dream+of+heaven:%22&amp;hl=pt-PT&amp;sa=X&amp;ei=_LPRUvmtGa_b7AbdjoCADQ&amp;ved=0CFgQ6AEwBjgK ''Further Extracts from the Note-Books of Samuel Butler''], compiled and edited by ‎[[w:Augustus Theodore Bartholomew|A.T. Bartholomew]] (1934), p. 27

* The devil tempted Christ; yes, but it was Christ who tempted the devil to tempt him.
** [http://books.google.com/books?id=zltaAAAAMAAJ&amp;q=%22The+devil+tempted+Christ+yes+but+it+was+Christ+who+tempted+the+devil+to+tempt+him%22&amp;pg=PA76#v=onepage ''Further Extracts from the Note-Books of Samuel Butler''], compiled and edited by [[w:Augustus Theodore Bartholomew|A.T. Bartholomew]] (1934), p. 76

* To do great work a man must be very idle as well as very industrious.
** ''[http://books.google.com/books?id=zltaAAAAMAAJ&amp;q=&amp;quot;To+do+great+work+a+man+must+be+very+idle+as+well+as+very+industrious&amp;quot;&amp;pg=PA262#v=onepage Further Extracts from the Note-Books of Samuel Butler]'', compiled and edited by [[w:Augustus Theodore Bartholomew|A.T. Bartholomew]] (1934), p. 262

{{anchor|legislature}}
* Man is the only animal that laughs and has a state legislature.
** As quoted in ''1,911 Best Things Anybody Ever Said'' (1988) by Robert Byrne

===''Ramblings In Cheapside'' (1890)===
[[File:Samuel Butler by Charles Gogin.jpg|thumb| The limits of the [[body]] seem well defined enough as [[definitions]] go, but definitions seldom go far.]] 
:&lt;small&gt;First published in ''Universal Review'' (December 1890)&lt;/small&gt;
[[File:Samuel Erewhon Butler-02.jpg|thumb|We do not [[know]] what [[death]] is. If we know so little about [[life]] which we have [[experienced]], how shall be know about death which we have not — and in the [[nature]] of things never can?]]

* The [[turtle]] obviously had no sense of proportion; it differed so widely from myself that I could not comprehend it; and as this word occurred to me, it occurred also that until my body comprehended its body in a physical material sense, neither would my mind be able to comprehend its mind with any thoroughness. For unity of mind can only be consummated by unity of body; everything, therefore, must be in some respects both knave and fool to all that which has not eaten it, or by which it has not been eaten. As long as the turtle was in the window and I in the street outside, there was no chance of our comprehending one another. &lt; I knew that I could get it to agree with me if I could so effectually buttonhole and fasten on to it as to eat it. Most men have an easy method with turtle soup, and I had no misgiving but that if I could bring my first premise to bear I should prove the better reasoner. My difficulty lay in this initial process, for I had not with me the argument that would alone compel Mr. Sweeting to think that I ought to be allowed to convert the turtles — I mean I had no money in my pocket. No missionary enterprise can be carried on without any money at all, but even so small a sum as half a crown would, I suppose, have enabled me to bring the turtle partly round, and with many half-crowns I could in time no 
 turtle needs must go where the money drives. If, as is alleged, the world stands on a turtle, the turtle stands on money. No money no turtle. As for money, that stands on opinion, credit, trust, faith — things that, though highly material in connection with money, are still of immaterial essence.

* '''We can see nothing face to face; our utmost seeing is but a fumbling of blind finger-ends in an overcrowded pocket.'''

* '''The limits of the body seem well defined enough as definitions go, but definitions seldom go far.'''

* We meet people every day whose bodies are evidently those of men and women long alive 
but whose appearance we know through their portraits.

* I do not like books. I believe I have the smallest library of any literary man in London, and I have no wish to increase it. I keep my books at the British Museum and at Mudie's, and it makes me very angry if anyone gives me one for my private library.

* If a man would get hold of the public era, he must pay, marry, or fight.

* I should not advise anyone with ordinary independence of mind to attempt the public ear unless he is confident that he can out-lung and out-last his own generation; for if he has any force, people will and ought to be on their guard against him, inasmuch as there is no knowing where he may not take them.

* '''We do not know what death is.''' If we know so little about life which we have experienced, how shall be know about death which we have not — and in the nature of things never can?

* All we know is, that even the humblest dead may live along after all trace of the body has disappeared; we see them doing it in the bodies and memories of these that come after them; and not a few live so much longer and more effectually than is desirable, that it has been necessary to get rid of them by Act of Parliament. '''It is love that alone gives life, and the truest life is that which we live not in ourselves but vicariously in others, and with which we have no concern. Our concern is so to order ourselves that we may be of the number of them that enter into life — although we know it not.'''

* Slugs have ridden their contempt for defensive armour as much to death as the turtles their pursuit of it. They have hardly more than skin enough to hold themselves together; they court death every time they cross the road. Yet death comes not to them more than to the turtle, whose defences are so great that there is little left inside to be defended. Moreover, the slugs fare best in the long run, for turtles are dying out, while slugs are not, and there must be millions of slugs all over the world over for every single turtle.

* '''Propositions prey upon and are grounded upon one another just like living forms.''' They support one another as plants and animals do; they are based ultimately on credit, or faith, rather than the cash of irrefragable conviction. The whole universe is carried on on the credit system, and if the mutual confidence on which it is based were to collapse, it must itself collapse immediately. Just or unjust, it lives by faith; it is based on vague and impalpable opinion that by some inscrutable process passes into will and action, and is made manifest in matter and in flesh; it is meteoric — suspended in mid-air; it is the baseless fabric of a vision to vast, so vivid, and so gorgeous that no base can seem more broad than such stupendous baselessness, and yet any man can bring it about his ears by being over-curious; when faith fails, a system based on faith fails also.

* Whether the universe is really a paying concern, or whether it is an inflated bubble that must burst sooner or later, this is another matter. If people were to demand cash payment in irrefragable certainty for everything that they have taken hitherto as paper money on the credit of the bank of public opinion, is there money enough behind it all to stand so great a drain even on so great a reserve?

* By a merciful dispensation of Providence university training is almost as costly as it is unprofitable. The majority will thus be always unable to afford it, and will base their opinions on mother wit and current opinion rather than on demonstration.

=== ''The Note-Books of Samuel Butler'' (1912) ===
:&lt;small&gt;[http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/6173 Full text online] &lt;/small&gt; 
[[File:Jesus Crucifixion 001.jpg|thumb|The [[world]] at large does not so much care how much [[suffering]] the [[individual]] may either endure or cause in this life, provided he will take himself clean away out of men’s [[thoughts]], whether for [[good]] or ill, when he has left it.]]

==== Part I - ''Lord, What is Man?'' ====
* '''[[Life]] is the [[art]] of drawing sufficient conclusions from insufficient premises.'''
** ''Life'', ix

* All [[progress]] is based upon a universal innate desire on the part of every organism to live beyond its income.
** ''Life'', xvi

* We play out our days as we play out cards, taking them as they come, not knowing what they will be, hoping for a [[lucky]] card and sometimes getting one, often getting just the wrong one.
** ''The World'', ii

* '''There is an [[eternal]] antagonism of interest between the [[individual]] and the [[world]] at large.''' The individual will not so much care how much he may suffer in this world provided he can live in men's good thoughts long after he has left it. The world at large does not so much care how much suffering the individual may either endure or cause in this life, provided he will take himself clean away out of men's thoughts, whether for good or ill, when he has left it.
** ''The Individual and the World''

* Life is the gathering of waves to a head, at death they break into a million fragments each one of which, however, is absorbed at once into the sea of life and helps to form a later generation which comes rolling on till it too breaks.
** ''Birth and Death'', ii

==== Part II - ''Elementary Morality'' ====
[[File:LuMaxArt Golden Family With World Religions.jpg|thumb|I find the nicest and best people generally profess no [[religion]] at all, but are ready to like the best men of [[all]] religions.]]
[[File:Mccartneylibrarypilgrimsprogressstainedglass.jpg|thumb|[[Heaven]] is the work of the best and kindest men and women. [[Hell]] is the work of prigs, pedants and professional truth-tellers. The [[world]] is an attempt to make the best of both.]]

* '''The [[true]] [[laws]] of [[God]] are the laws of our own well-being.'''
** ''God's Laws''

* '''Intellectual over-indulgence is the most gratuitous and disgraceful form which excess can take, nor is there any the consequences of which are more disastrous.'''
** ''Intellectual Self-Indulgence''

* The extremes of vice and virtue are alike detestable; absolute virtue is as sure to kill a man as absolute vice is, let alone the dullnesses of it and the pomposities of it.
** ''Vice and Virtue'', ii

* God does not intend people, and does not like people, to be too good. He likes them neither too good nor too bad, but a little too bad is more venial with him than a little too good.
** ''Vice and Virtue'', iii

* Sin is like a mountain with two aspects according to whether it is viewed before or after it has been reached: yet both aspects are real.
** ''Sin''

* Morality turns on whether the pleasure precedes or follows the pain. Thus, it is immoral to get drunk because the headache comes after the drinking, but if the headache came first, and the drunkenness afterwards, it would be moral to get drunk.
** ''Morality''

* '''Morality is the custom of one's country and the current feeling of one's peers. Cannibalism is moral in a cannibal country.'''
** ''Cannibalism''

* '''To love God is to have good health, good looks, good sense, experience, a kindly nature and a fair balance of cash in hand.'''
** ''God and Man''

* Is there any religion whose followers can be pointed to as distinctly more amiable and trustworthy than those of any other? If so, this should be enough. '''I find the nicest and best people generally profess no religion at all, but are ready to like the best men of all religions.'''
** ''Religion''

* '''[[Heaven]] is the work of the best and kindest men and women. [[Hell]] is the work of prigs, pedants and professional truth-tellers. The world is an attempt to make the best of both.'''
** ''Heaven and Hell''

* '''If we are asked what is the most essential characteristic that underlies this word, the word itself will guide us to gentleness, to absence of such things as brow-beating, overbearing manners and fuss, and generally to consideration for other people.'''
** ''Gentleman''

* [[Money]] is the last enemy that shall never be subdued. While there is flesh there is money — or the want of money; but money is always on the brain so long as there is a brain in reasonable order.
** ''Money''

==== Part III - ''The Germs of Erewhon and of Life and Habit'' ====
[[File:LuMaxArt Golden Guys Teamwork Gear Runners.jpg|thumb|Day by day, however, the [[machines]] are gaining ground upon us; day by day we are becoming more subservient to them; more men are daily bound down as [[slaves]] to tend them, more men are daily devoting the [[energies]] of their whole [[lives]] to the development of mechanical life.]]

* We take it that when the state of things shall have arrived which we have been above attempting to describe, man will have become to the machine what the horse and the dog are to man. He will continue to exist, nay even to improve, and will be probably better off in his state of domestication under the beneficent rule of the machines than he is in his present wild state. We treat our horses, dogs, cattle and sheep, on the whole, with great kindness, we give them whatever experience teaches us to be best for them, and there can be no doubt that our use of meat has added to the happiness of the lower animals far more than it has detracted from it; in like manner it is reasonable to suppose that the machines will treat us kindly, for their existence is as dependent upon ours as ours is upon the lower animals.
** ''Darwin Among the Machines''

* '''Day by day, however, the machines are gaining ground upon us; day by day we are becoming more subservient to them; more men are daily bound down as slaves to tend them, more men are daily devoting the energies of their whole lives to the development of mechanical life.''' The upshot is simply a question of time, but that the time will come when the machines will hold the real supremacy over the world and its inhabitants is what no person of a truly philosophic mind can for a moment question.
** ''Darwin Among the Machines''

* Our opinion is that war to the death should be instantly proclaimed against them. Every machine of every sort should be destroyed by the well-wisher of his species. Let there be no exceptions made, no quarter shown; let us at once go back to the primeval condition of the race. If it be urged that this is impossible under the present condition of human affairs, this at once proves that the mischief is already done, that our servitude has commenced in good earnest, that we have raised a race of beings whom it is beyond our power to destroy and that we are not only enslaved but are absolutely acquiescent in our bondage.
** ''Darwin Among the Machines''

==== Part IV - ''Memory and Design'' ====
[[File:Edward Burne-Jones.The last sleep of Arthur.jpg|thumb|To [[live]] is to [[remember]] and to remember is to live. To [[die]] is to forget and to forget is to die.]]

* '''To be is to think and to be thinkable. To live is to continue thinking and to remember having done so.'''
** ''Memory'', ii

* '''Memory and forgetfulness are as life and death to one another. To live is to remember and to remember is to live. To die is to forget and to forget is to die.'''
** ''Antithesis''

* We are so far identical with our ancestors and our contemporaries that it is very rarely we can see anything that they do not see. It is not unjust that the sins of the fathers should be visited upon the children, for the children committed the sins when in the persons of their fathers.
** ''Personal Identity''

==== Part V - ''Vibrations'' ====
* All thinking is of disturbance, dynamical, a state of unrest tending towards equilibrium. It is all a mode of classifying and of criticising with a view of knowing whether it gives us, or is likely to give us, pleasure or no.
** ''Thinking''

* '''In the highest consciousness there is still unconsciousness, in the lowest unconsciousness there is still consciousness. If there is no consciousness there is no thing, or nothing. To understand perfectly would be to cease to understand at all.'''
** ''Equilibrium''

==== Part VI - ''Mind and Matter'' ====
[[File:Plasma lamp touching.jpg|thumb|[[Feeling]] is an [[art]] and, like any other art, can be acquired by taking [[pains]].]] 

* '''An [[energy]] is a [[soul]] — a something working in us.'''
** ''Matter and Mind'', iii

* '''[[Animals]] and [[plants]] cannot [[understand]] our [[business]], so we have denied that they can understand their own.''' What we call inorganic matter cannot understand the animals' and plants' business, we have therefore denied that it can understand anything whatever.
** ''Organic and Inorganic''

* [[Feeling]] is an [[art]] and, like any other art, can be acquired by taking [[pains]].
** ''Feeling''

* '''Moral influence means persuading another that one can make that other more uncomfortable than that other can make oneself.'''
** ''Moral Influence''

* When we go up to the shelves in the reading-room of the British Museum, how like it is to wasps flying up and down an apricot tree that is trained against a wall, or cattle coming down to drink at a pool!
** ''Mental and Physical Pabulum''

* All eating is a kind of proselytising — a kind of dogmatising — a maintaining that the eater's way of looking at things is better than the eatee's.
** ''Eating and Proselytising''

* '''We can no longer separate things as we once could: everything tends towards unity; one thing, one action, in one place, at one time.''' On the other hand, we can no longer unify things as we once could; we are driven to ultimate atoms, each one of which is an individuality. So that we have an infinite multitude of things doing an infinite multitude of actions in infinite time and space; and yet they are not many things, but one thing.
** ''Unity and Multitude''

==== Part VII - ''On the Making of Music, Pictures, and Books'' ====
[[File:A Young Pulsar Shows its Hand.jpg|thumb| Though analogy is often misleading, it is the least misleading thing we have.]] 

* [[Thought]] [[pure]] and [[simple]] is as near to [[God]] as we can get; it is through this that we are linked with God.
** ''Thought and Word'', i

* '''Though analogy is often misleading, it is the least misleading thing we have.'''
** ''Thought and Word'', ii

* The mere [[fact]] that a thought or [[idea]] can be expressed articulately in [[words]] involves that it is still open to question; and the mere fact that a difficulty can be definitely conceived involves that it is open to solution.
** ''Thought and Word'', iv

* '''Words impede and either kill, or are killed by, perfect thought; but they are, as a scaffolding, useful, if not indispensable, for the building up of imperfect thought and helping to perfect it.'''
** ''Thought and Word'', vi

* Words are like money; there is nothing so useless, unless when in actual use.
** ''Thought and Word'', viii

* '''The written law is binding, but the unwritten law is much more so.''' You may break the written law at a pinch and on the sly if you can, but the unwritten law — which often comprises the written — must not be broken. '''Not being written, it is not always easy to know what it is, but this has got to be done.'''
** ''The Law''

* [Ideas] are like shadows — substantial enough until we try to grasp them.
** ''Ideas''

* All things are like exposed photographic plates that have no visible image on them till they have been developed.
** ''Development''

* Always eat [[grapes]] downwards — that is, always eat the best grape first; in this way there will be none better left on the bunch, and each grape will seem good down to the last.
** ''Eating Grapes Downwards''

* My notes always grow longer if I shorten them. I mean the process of compression makes them more pregnant and they breed new notes.
** ''Making Notes''

* There is nothing less powerful than knowledge unattached, and incapable of application. That is why what little knowledge I have has done myself personally so much harm. I do not know much, but if I knew a good deal less than that little I should be far more powerful.
** ''Knowledge is Power''

* In art, never try to find out anything, or try to learn anything until the not knowing it has come to be a nuisance to you for some time. Then you will remember it, but not otherwise. Let knowledge importune you before you will hear it. Our schools and universities go on the precisely opposite system.
** ''Agonising''

* '''Every new idea has something of the pain and peril of childbirth about it; ideas are just as mortal and just as immortal as organised beings are.'''
** ''New Ideas''

* '''Critics generally come to be critics by reason not of their fitness for this but of their unfitness for anything else.''' Books should be tried by a judge and jury as though they were crimes, and counsel should be heard on both sides.
** ''Criticism''

* A great portrait is always more a portrait of the painter than of the painted.
** ''Portraits''

* A man's style in any art should be like his dress — it should attract as little attention as possible.
** ''A Man's Style''

* They say the test of this [literary power] is whether a man can write an inscription. I say “Can he name a kitten?” And by this test I am condemned, for I cannot.
** ''Literary Power''

* When a man is in doubt about this or that in his writing, it will often guide him if he asks himself how it will tell a hundred years hence.
** ''Writing for a Hundred Years Hence''

==== Part VIII - ''Handel and Music'' ====
* If you tie [[George Frideric Handel|Handel]]'s hands by debarring him from the rendering of human emotion, and if you set [[Johann Sebastian Bach|Bach]]'s free by giving him no human emotion to render — if, in fact, you rob Handel of his opportunities and Bach of his difficulties — the two men can fight after a fashion, but Handel will even so come off victorious.
** ''Handel and Bach'', i

* Handel and [[William Shakespeare|Shakespeare]] have left us the best that any have left us; yet, in spite of this, how much of their lives was wasted.
** ''Waste''

* '''Honesty consists not in never stealing but in knowing where to stop in stealing, and how to make good use of what one does steal.'''
** ''Honesty''

==== Part IX - ''A Painter's Views on Painting'' ====
[[File:Margaret Bernardine Hall - Fantine - Google Art Project.jpg|thumb|[[Art]] has no [[end]] in view save the emphasising and recording in the most effective way some strongly felt interest or [[affection]].]]
[[File:Lesmiserables 1900 valjean rescues Marius.jpg|thumb|An [[artist]]’s touches are sometimes no more articulate than the barking of a [[dog]] who would call attention to something without exactly [[knowing]] what. This is as it should be, and he is a [[great]] artist who can be depended on not to bark at [[nothing]].]]

* Sketching from [[nature]] is very like trying to put a pinch of salt on her tail. And yet many manage to do it very nicely.
** ''Sketching from Nature''

* '''[[Art]] has no [[end]] in view save the emphasising and recording in the most effective way some strongly felt interest or [[affection]].'''
** ''Great Art and Sham Art''

* '''An artist's touches are sometimes no more articulate than the barking of a dog who would call attention to something without exactly knowing what. This is as it should be, and he is a great artist who can be depended on not to bark at nothing.'''
** ''Inarticulate Touches''

* One reason why it is as well not to give very much detail is that, no matter how much is given, the eye will always want more; it will know very well that it is not being paid in full. On the other hand, no matter how little one gives, the eye will generally compromise by wanting only a little more. In either case the eye will want more, so one may as well stop sooner or later. '''Sensible painting, like sensible law, sensible writing, or sensible anything else, consists as much in knowing what to omit as what to insist upon.'''
** ''Detail''

* Painters should remember that the eye, as a general rule, is a good, simple, credulous organ — very ready to take things on trust if it be told them with any confidence of assertion.
** ''The Credulous Eye''

* '''After having spent years striving to be accurate, we must spend as many more in discovering when and how to be inaccurate.'''
** ''Accuracy''

* The composer is seldom a great theorist; the theorist is never a great composer. Each is equally fatal to and essential in the other.
** ''Action and Study''

* If a man has not studied painting, or at any rate black and white drawing, his eyes are wild; learning to draw tames them. The first step towards taming the eyes is to teach them not to see too much.
** ''Seeing''

* Think of and look at your work as though it were done by your enemy. If you look at it to admire it you are lost.
** ''Improvement in Art''

* The youth of an art is, like the youth of anything else, its most interesting period. When it has come to the knowledge of good and evil it is stronger, but we care less about it.
** ''Early Art''

* It is said of money that it is more easily made than kept and this is true of many things, such as friendship; and even life itself is more easily got than kept.
** [http://books.google.com/books?id=JHguFYrTEQ0C&amp;q=%22It+is+said+of+money+that+it+is+more+easily+made+than+kept+and+this+is+true+of+many+things+such+as+friendship+and+even+life+itself+is+more+easily+got+than+kept%22&amp;pg=PA141#v=onepage ''Colour'']
** Often paraphrased as &quot;Friendship is like money, easier made than kept.&quot;

==== Part X - ''The Position of a HomoUnius Libri'' ====
[[File:The Awakening of Christian.jpeg|thumb|[[Ideas]] and [[opinions]], like [[living]] organisms, have a normal rate of [[growth]] which cannot be either checked or [[forced]] beyond a certain point.]]
[[File:Portrait of Samuel Butler.jpg|thumb|Argument is generally waste of [[time]] and trouble. It is better to present one’s [[opinion]] and leave it to stick or no as it may happen. If sound, it will probably in the end stick, and the sticking is the main thing.]]

* '''[[Nothing]] is so [[cruel]] as to try and [[force]] a man beyond his [[natural]] pace.'''
** ''Capping a Success''

* If I [[die]] prematurely, at any rate I shall be saved from being bored by my own [[success]].
** ''Compensation''

* I [[doubt]] whether any [[angel]] would find me very entertaining. As for myself, if ever I do entertain one it will have to be unawares. When people entertain others without an introduction they generally turn out more like devils than angels.
** ''Entertaining Angels''

* People say that there are neither [[dragons]] to be killed nor distressed maidens to be rescued nowadays. I do not know, but I think I have dropped across one or two, nor do I feel sure whether the most mortal wounds have been inflicted by the dragons or by myself.
** ''Dragons''

* There are some things which it is madness not to try to know but which it is almost as much madness to try to know.
** ''Trying to Know''

* He who would propagate an [[opinion]] must begin by making sure of his ground and holding it firmly. There is as little use in trying to breed from weak opinion as from other weak stock.
** ''The Art of Propagating Opinion''

* '''Ideas and opinions, like living organisms, have a normal rate of growth which cannot be either checked or forced beyond a certain point.''' They can be held in check more safely than they can be hurried. They can also be killed; and one of the surest ways to kill them is to try to hurry them.
** ''The Art of Propagating Opinion''

* The more unpopular an opinion is, the more necessary is it that the holder should be somewhat punctilious in his observance of conventionalities generally, and that, if possible, he should get the reputation of being well-to-do in the world.
** ''The Art of Propagating Opinion''

* Many, if not most, good ideas die young — mainly from neglect on the part of the parents, but sometimes from over-fondness. Once well started, an opinion had better be left to shift for itself.
** ''The Art of Propagating Opinion''

* '''Argument is generally waste of time and trouble. It is better to present one's opinion and leave it to stick or no as it may happen. If sound, it will probably in the end stick, and the sticking is the main thing.'''
** ''Argument''

==== Part XI - ''Cash and Credit'' ====
* He [the Philosopher] should have made many mistakes and been saved often by the skin of his teeth, for the skin of one's teeth is the most teaching thing about one. He should have been, or at any rate believed himself, a great fool and a great criminal. He should have cut himself adrift from society, and yet not be without society.
** ''The Philosopher''

* Most artists, whether in religion, music, literature, painting, or what not, are shopkeepers in disguise. They hide their shop as much as they can, and keep pretending that it does not exist, but they are essentially shopkeepers and nothing else.
** ''The Artist and the Shopkeeper''

* It is curious that money, which is the most valuable thing in life, ''exceptis excipiendis'', should be the most fatal corrupter of music, literature, painting and all the arts. As soon as any art is pursued with a view to money, then farewell, in ninety-nine cases out of a hundred, all hope of genuine good work.
** ''Money''

* '''Genius...has been defined as a supreme capacity for taking trouble...It might be more fitly described as a supreme capacity for getting its possessors into trouble of all kinds and keeping them therein so long as the genius remains.'''
** ''Genius'', i

* Inspiration is never genuine if it is known as inspiration at the time. True inspiration always steals on a person; its importance not being fully recognised for some time.
** ''Genius'', iii

* '''Dullness is so much stronger than genius because there is so much more of it, and it is better organised and more naturally cohesive.'''
** ''Genius'', iv

* All men can do great things, if they know what great things are.
** ''Great Things''

* Surely the glory of finally getting rid of and burying a long and troublesome matter should be as great as that of making an important discovery. The trouble is that the coverer is like Samson who perished in the wreck of what he had destroyed; if he gets rid of a thing effectually he gets rid of himself too.
** ''The Art of Covery''

* The supposition that the world is ever in league to put a man down is childish. Hardly less childish is it for an author to lay the blame on reviewers. A good sturdy author is a match for a hundred reviewers.
** ''Ephemeral and Permanent Success''

==== Part XII - ''The Enfant Terrible of Literature'' ====
* I am the ''enfant terrible'' of literature and science.
** ''Myself''

* '''If people like being deceived — and this can hardly be doubted — there can rarely have been a time during which they can have had more of the wish than now. The literary, scientific and religious worlds vie with one another in trying to gratify the public.'''
** ''Populus Vult''

* The greatest poets never write poetry. The [[Homer|Homers]] and [[William Shakespeare|Shakespeares]] are not the greatest — they are only the greatest that we can know. And so with [[George Frideric Handel|Handel]] among musicians. For '''the highest poetry, whether in music or literature, is ineffable — it must be felt from one person to another, it cannot be articulated.'''
** ''Poetry''

* If a person would understand either the ''Odyssey'' or any other ancient work, he must never look at the dead without seeing the living in them, nor at the living without thinking of the dead. '''We are too fond of seeing the ancients as one thing and the moderns as another.'''
** ''Ancient Work''

==== Part XIII - ''Unprofessional Sermons'' ====
* Nothing will ever die so long as it knows what to do under the circumstances, in other words so long as it knows its business.
** ''The Roman Empire''

* Italians, and perhaps Frenchmen, consider first whether they like or want to do a thing and then whether, on the whole, it will do them any harm. Englishmen, and perhaps Germans, consider first whether they ought to like a thing and often never reach the questions whether they do like it and whether it will hurt. There is much to be said for both systems, but I suppose it is best to combine them as far as possible.
** ''Italians and Englishmen''

* One can bring no greater reproach against a man than to say that he does not set sufficient value upon pleasure, and there is no greater sign of a fool than the thinking that he can tell at once and easily what it is that pleases him. To know this is not easy, and how to extend our knowledge of it is the highest and the most neglected of all arts and branches of education.
** ''On Knowing what Gives us Pleasure'', i

* I should like to like [[Robert Schumann|Schumann]]'s music better than I do; I dare say I could make myself like it better if I tried; but '''I do not like having to try to make myself like things; I like things that make me like them at once and no trying at all.'''
** ''On Knowing what Gives us Pleasure'', ii

==== Part XIV - ''Higgledy-Piggledy'' ====
[[File:The Death of King Arthur by John Garrick.jpg|thumb| The [[great]] characters of fiction live as truly as the [[memories]] of dead men. For the [[life]] after [[death]] it is not [[necessary]] that a man or woman should have lived.]]
[[File:Emanation.png|thumb|[[Silence]] is not always tact and it is tact that is golden, not silence.]]

* Every one should keep a mental waste-paper basket and the older he grows the more things he will consign to it — torn up to irrecoverable tatters.
** ''Waste-Paper Baskets''

* They [my thoughts] are like persons met upon a journey; I think them very agreeable at first but soon find, as a rule, that I am tired of them.
** ''My Thoughts''

* '''An [[idea]] must not be condemned for being a little shy and incoherent; all new ideas are shy when introduced first among our old ones.''' We should have [[patience]] and see whether the incoherency is likely to wear off or to wear on, in which latter case the sooner we get rid of them the better.
** ''Incoherency of New Ideas''

* It must be remembered that we have only heard one side of the case. [[God]] has written all the [[books]].
** ''An Apology for the Devil''

* It does not matter much what a man hates provided he hates something.
** ''Hating''

* '''The [[great]] characters of fiction live as truly as the memories of dead men. For the life after death it is not necessary that a man or woman should have lived.'''
** ''Hamlet, Don Quixote, Mr. Pickwick and others''

* '''The evil that men do lives after them. Yes, and a good deal of the evil that they never did as well.'''
** ''Reputation''

* '''There are two classes, those who want to know and do not care whether others think they know or not, and those who do not much care about knowing but care very greatly about being reputed as knowing.'''
** ''Scientists''

* '''Everything matters more than we think it does, and, at the same time, nothing matters so much as we think it does.''' The merest spark may set all Europe in a blaze, but though all Europe be set in a blaze twenty times over, the world will wag itself right again.
** ''Sparks''

* '''Time is the only true purgatory.'''
** ''Purgatory''

* He is greatest who is most often in men's good thoughts.
** ''Greatness''

* '''The great pleasure of a [[dog]] is that you may make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself too.'''
** ''Dogs''

* The Will-be and the Has-been touch us more nearly than the Is. So we are more tender towards children and old people than to those who are in the prime of life.
** ''Future and Past''

* '''People are lucky and unlucky not according to what they get absolutely, but according to the ratio between what they get and what they have been led to expect.'''
** ''Lucky and Unlucky''

* A definition is the enclosing a wilderness of idea within a wall of words.
** ''Definitions'', iii

* The dons are too busy educating the young men to be able to teach them anything.
** ''Oxford and Cambridge''

* '''Silence is not always tact and it is tact that is golden, not silence.'''
** ''Silence and Tact''

* To put one's trust in God is only a longer way of saying that one will chance it.
** ''Providence and Improvidence'', ii

* '''To live is like to love — all reason is against it, and all healthy instinct for it.'''
** ''Life and Love''

==== Part XV - ''Titles and Subjects'' ====
* This poem [''The Ancient Mariner''] would not have taken so well if it had been called “The Old Sailor.”
** ''The Ancient Mariner''

==== Part XVI - ''Written Sketches'' ====
* A little boy and a little girl were looking at a picture of Adam and Eve. &quot;Which is Adam and which is Eve?&quot; said one. &quot;I do not know,&quot; said the other, &quot;but I could tell if they had their clothes on.&quot;
** ''Adam and Eve''

==== Part XVII - ''Material for a Projected Sequel to Alps and Sanctuaries'' ====
* The public buys its opinions as it buys its meat, or takes in its milk, on the principle that it is cheaper to do this than to keep a cow. So it is, but the milk is more likely to be watered.
** ''Public Opinions''

* Men are seldom more commonplace than on supreme occasions.
** ''Supreme Occasions''

==== Part XIX - ''Truth and Convenience'' ====
* The pursuit of truth is chimerical. That is why it is so hard to say what truth is. There is no permanent absolute unchangeable truth; what we should pursue is the most convenient arrangement of our ideas.
** ''Truth'', ii

* Some men love truth so much that they seem to be in continual fear lest she should catch cold on over-exposure.
** ''Truth'', vii

* Truth consists not in never lying but in knowing when to lie and when not to do so.
** ''Falsehood'', i

* Any fool can tell the truth, but it requires a man of some sense to know how to lie well.
** ''Falsehood'', iii

* I do not mind lying, but I hate inaccuracy.
** ''Falsehood'', iv

==== Part XX - ''First Principles'' ====
* Our choice is apparently most free, and we are least obviously driven to determine our course, in those cases where the future is most obscure, that is, when the balance of advantage appears most doubtful.
** ''Choice''

* You can have all ego, or all non-ego, but in theory you cannot have half one and half the other — yet in practice this is exactly what you must have, for everything is both itself and not itself at one and the same time.'''
** ''Ego and Non-Ego''

* '''As a general rule philosophy is like stirring mud or not letting a sleeping dog lie.''' It is an attempt to deny, circumvent or otherwise escape from the consequences of the interlacing of the roots of things with one another.
** ''Philosophy''

* It is with philosophy as with just intonation on a piano, if you get everything quite straight and on all fours in one department, in perfect tune, it is delightful so long as you keep well in the middle of the key; but as soon as you modulate you find the new key is out of tune and the more remotely you modulate the more out of tune you get.
** ''Philosophy and Equal Temperament''

* '''We are not won by arguments that we can analyse, but by tone and temper, by the manner which is the man himself.'''
** [http://books.google.com/books?id=JHguFYrTEQ0C&amp;q=&amp;quot;We+are+not+won+by+arguments+that+we+can+analyse+but+by+tone+and+temper+by+the+manner+which+is+the+man+himself&amp;quot;&amp;pg=PA329#v=onepage ''Argument'']

==== Part XXI - ''Rebelliousness'' ====
* '''You can do very little with faith, but you can do nothing without it.'''
** ''Faith'', ii

==== Part XXII - ''Reconciliation'' ====
* I am not sure that I do not begin to like the correction of a mistake, even when it involves my having shown much ignorance and stupidity, as well as I like hitting on a new idea.
** ''Inaccuracy''

==== Part XXIII - ''Death'' ====
* No one thinks he will escape death, so there is no disappointment and, as long as we know neither the when nor the how, the mere fact that we shall one day have to go does not much affect us; we do not care, even though we know vaguely that we have not long to live. The serious trouble begins when death becomes definite in time and shape. It is in precise fore-knowledge, rather than in sin, that the sting of death is to be found; and such fore-knowledge is generally withheld; though, strangely enough, many would have it if they could.
** ''Fore-knowledge of Death''

* '''To die completely, a person must not only forget but be forgotten, and he who is not forgotten is not dead.'''
** ''Complete Death''

* '''There is nothing which at once affects a man so much and so little as his own death.'''
** ''The Defeat of Death''

* To himself every one is an immortal: he may know that he is going to die, but he can never know that he is dead.
** ''Ignorance of Death''

==== Part XXIV - ''The Life of the World to Come'' ====
* To try to live in posterity is to be like an actor who leaps over the footlights and talks to the orchestra.
** ''Posthumous Life'', i

* The world will, in the end, follow only those who have despised as well as served it.
** ''The World''

* When I am dead I would rather people thought me better than I was instead of worse; but if they think me worse, I cannot help it and, if it matters at all, it will matter more to them than to me.
** ''Apologia'', i

=== ''[[w: Erewhon|Erewhon]]'' (1872) ===
:&lt;small&gt;[http://www.gutenberg.org/files/1906/1906-h/1906-h.htm Full text online] &lt;/small&gt;

* I call it to mind and delight in it now, but I did not notice it at the time. We next to never know when we are well off: but this cuts two ways,--for if we did, we should perhaps know better when we are ill off also; and I have sometimes thought that there are as many ignorant of the one as of the other. He who wrote, “O fortunatos nimium sua si bona norint agricolas,” might have written quite as truly, “O infortunatos nimium sua si mala norint”; and there are few of us who are not protected from the keenest pain by our inability to see what it is that we have done, what we are suffering, and what we truly are. Let us be grateful to the mirror for revealing to us our appearance only.
** Ch. 3

* I felt comparatively happy, but I can assure the reader that I had had a far worse time of it than I have told him; and I strongly recommend him to remain in Europe if he can; or, at any rate, in some country which has been explored and settled, rather than go into places where others have not been before him. Exploring is delightful to look forward to and back upon, but it is not comfortable at the time, unless it be of such an easy nature as not to deserve the name.
** Ch. 4

* When he had left the room, I mused over the conversation which had just taken place between us, but I could make nothing out of it, except that it argued an even greater perversity of mental vision than I had been yet prepared for. And this made me wretched; for I cannot bear having much to do with people who think differently from myself.
** Ch. 9

* No one with any sense of self-respect will place himself on an equality in the matter of affection with those who are less lucky than himself in birth, health, money, good looks, capacity, or anything else. Indeed, that dislike and even disgust should be felt by the fortunate for the unfortunate, or at any rate for those who have been discovered to have met with any of the more serious and less familiar misfortunes, is not only natural, but desirable for any society, whether of man or brute.
** Ch. 10

* For property is robbery, but then, we are all robbers or would-be robbers together, and have found it essential to organise our thieving, as we have found it necessary to organise our lust and our revenge. Property, marriage, the law; as the bed to the river, so rule and convention to the instinct; and woe to him who tampers with the banks while the flood is flowing.
** Ch. 12

* But the main argument on which they rely is that of economy: for they know that they will sooner gain their end by appealing to men's pockets, in which they have generally something of their own, than to their heads, which contain for the most part little but borrowed or stolen property.
** Ch. 12

* It is here that almost all religions go wrong. Their priests try to make us believe that they know more about the unseen world than those whose eyes are still blinded by the seen, can ever know--forgetting that while to deny the existence of an unseen kingdom is bad, to pretend that we know more about it than its bare existence is no better.
** Ch. 15

* But I did not yield at once; I enjoyed the process of being argued with too keenly to lose it by a prompt concession; besides, a little hesitation rendered the concession itself more valuable.
** Ch. 16

* They were gentlemen in the full sense of the word; and what has one not said in saying this?
** Ch. 17

* It is a distinguishing peculiarity of the Erewhonians that when they profess themselves to be quite certain about any matter, and avow it as a base on which they are to build a system of practice, they seldom quite believe in it. If they smell a rat about the precincts of a cherished institution, they will always stop their noses to it if they can.
** Ch. 18

* Strange fate for man! He must perish if he get that, which he must perish if he strive not after. If he strive not after it he is no better than the brutes, if he get it he is more miserable than the devils.
** Ch. 19

* “To be born,” they say, “is a felony--it is a capital crime, for which sentence may be executed at any moment after the commission of the offence. You may perhaps happen to live for some seventy or eighty years, but what is that, compared with the eternity you now enjoy? And even though the sentence were commuted, and you were allowed to live on for ever, you would in time become so terribly weary of life that execution would be the greatest mercy to you.
** Ch. 19

* It is hard upon the duckling to have been hatched by a hen, but is it not also hard upon the hen to have hatched the duckling?
** Ch. 19

* No Erewhonian believes that the world is as black as it has been here painted, but it is one of their peculiarities that they very often do not believe or mean things which they profess to regard as indisputable.
** Ch. 20

* It has been said that the love of money is the root of all evil. The want of money is so quite as truly.
** Ch. 20

* Their view evidently was that genius was like offences--needs must that it come, but woe unto that man through whom it comes. A man’s business, they hold, is to think as his neighbours do, for Heaven help him if he thinks good what they count bad. And really it is hard to see how the Erewhonian theory differs from our own, for the word “idiot” only means a person who forms his opinions for himself.
** Ch. 22

* “It is not our business,” he said, “to help students to think for themselves. Surely this is the very last thing which one who wishes them well should encourage them to do. Our duty is to ensure that they shall think as we do, or at any rate, as we hold it expedient to say we do.”
** Ch. 22

* I could hardly avoid a sort of suspicion that some of those whom I was taken to see had been so long engrossed in their own study of hypothetics that they had become the exact antitheses of the Athenians in the days of St. Paul; for whereas the Athenians spent their lives in nothing save to see and to hear some new thing, there were some here who seemed to devote themselves to the avoidance of every opinion with which they were not perfectly familiar, and regarded their own brains as a sort of sanctuary, to which if an opinion had once resorted, none other was to attack it.
** Ch. 22

* We find it difficult to sympathise with the emotions of a potato; so we do with those of an oyster. Neither of these things makes a noise on being boiled or opened, and noise appeals to us more strongly than anything else, because we make so much about our own sufferings. Since, then, they do not annoy us by any expression of pain we call them emotionless; and so ''qua'' mankind they are; but mankind is not everybody.
** Ch. 23

* “If it be urged that the action of the potato is chemical and mechanical only, and that it is due to the chemical and mechanical effects of light and heat, the answer would seem to lie in an inquiry whether every sensation is not chemical and mechanical in its operation? whether those things which we deem most purely spiritual are anything but disturbances of equilibrium in an infinite series of levers, beginning with those that are too small for microscopic detection, and going up to the human arm and the appliances which it makes use of? whether there be not a molecular action of thought, whence a dynamical theory of the passions shall be deducible? Whether strictly speaking we should not ask what kind of levers a man is made of rather than what is his temperament? How are they balanced? How much of such and such will it take to weigh them down so as to make him do so and so?”
** Ch. 23

* “Silence,” it has been said by one writer, “is a virtue which renders us agreeable to our fellow-creatures.”
** Ch. 23

* A man is the resultant and exponent of all the forces that have been brought to bear upon him, whether before his birth or afterwards. His action at any moment depends solely upon his constitution, and on the intensity and direction of the various agencies to which he is, and has been, subjected. Some of these will counteract each other; but as he is by nature, and as he has been acted on, and is now acted on from without, so will he do, as certainly and regularly as though he were a machine.&lt;br&gt;We do not generally admit this, because we do not know the whole nature of any one, nor the whole of the forces that act upon him. We see but a part, and being thus unable to generalise human conduct, except very roughly, we deny that it is subject to any fixed laws at all, and ascribe much both of a man's character and actions to chance, or luck, or fortune; but these are only words whereby we escape the admission of our own ignorance; and a little reflection will teach us that the most daring flight of the imagination or the most subtle exercise of the reason is as much the thing that must arise, and the only thing that can by any possibility arise, at the moment of its arising, as the falling of a dead leaf when the wind shakes it from the tree.
** Ch. 25

* And should we not be guilty of consummate folly if we were to reject advantages which we cannot obtain otherwise, merely because they involve a greater gain to others than to ourselves?
** Ch. 25

* Happily common sense, though she is by nature the gentlest creature living, when she feels the knife at her throat, is apt to develop unexpected powers of resistance, and to send doctrinaires flying, even when they have bound her down and think they have her at their mercy.
** Ch. 26

* As a matter of course, the basis on which he decided that duty could alone rest was one that afforded no standing-room for many of the old-established habits of the people. These, he assured them, were all wrong, and whenever any one ventured to differ from him, he referred the matter to the unseen power with which he alone was in direct communication, and the unseen power invariably assured him that he was right.
** Ch. 26

* “Plants,” said he, &quot;show no sign of interesting themselves in human affairs. We shall never get a rose to understand that five times seven are thirty-five, and there is no use in talking to an oak about fluctuations in the price of stocks. Hence we say that the oak and the rose are unintelligent, and on finding that they do not understand our business conclude that they do not understand their own. But what can a creature who talks in this way know about intelligence? Which shows greater signs of intelligence? He, or the rose and oak?
** Ch. 27

* But so engrained in the human heart is the desire to believe that some people really do know what they say they know, and can thus save them from the trouble of thinking for themselves, that in a short time would-be philosophers and faddists became more powerful than ever, and gradually led their countrymen to accept all those absurd views of life.
** Ch. 27

=== ''[[w: The Way of All Flesh|The Way of All Flesh]]'' (1903) ===
:&lt;small&gt;[http://www.gutenberg.org/files/2084/2084-h/2084-h.htm Full text online] &lt;/small&gt; 

* It is far safer to know too little than too much. People will condemn the one, though they will resent being called upon to exert themselves to follow the other.
** Ch. 5

* Adversity, if a man is set down to it by degrees, is more supportable with equanimity by most people than any great prosperity arrived at in a single lifetime.
** Ch. 5

* We know so well what we are doing ourselves and why we do it, do we not? I fancy that there is some truth in the view which is being put forward nowadays, that it is our less conscious thoughts and our less conscious actions which mainly mould our lives and the lives of those who spring from us.
** Ch. 5

* Youth is like spring, an overpraised season.
** Ch. 6

* A pair of lovers are like sunset and sunrise: there are such things every day but we very seldom see them.
** Ch. 11

* Taking numbers into account, I should think more mental suffering had been undergone in the streets leading from St George's, Hanover Square, than in the condemned cells of Newgate.
** Ch. 13

* Every man's [[work]], whether it be [[literature]] or [[music]] or pictures or architecture or anything else, is always a portrait of himself, and the more he tries to conceal himself the more clearly will his character appear in spite of him.
** Ch. 14

* '''All [[animals]], except man, know that the principal business of [[life]] is to enjoy it.'''
** Ch. 19

* How is it, I wonder, that all religious officials, from [[God]] the Father to the parish beadle, should be so arbitrary and exacting.
** Ch. 23; this is one of the passages excised from &lt;cite&gt;The Way of All Flesh&lt;/cite&gt; when it was first published in 1903, after Butler's death, by his literary executor, R. Streatfeild. This first edition of &lt;cite&gt;The Way of All Flesh&lt;/cite&gt; is widely available in plain text on the internet, but readers of facsimiles of the first edition should be aware that Streatfeild significantly altered and edited Butler's text, &quot;regularizing&quot; the punctuation and removing most of Butler's most trenchant criticism of Victorian society and conventional pieties. Butler's full manuscript, entitled &lt;cite&gt;Ernest Pontifex, or The Way of All Flesh&lt;/cite&gt;, was edited and issued by Daniel F. Howard in 1965. It is from this edition that this quote is derived; it was excised by Streatfeild in the first edition.

* One great reason why clergymen's households are generally unhappy is because the clergyman is so much at home or close about the house.
** Ch. 24

* Sensible people get the greater part of their own dying done during their own lifetime.
** Ch. 24

* '''To me it seems that those who are [[happy]] in this world are better and more lovable people than those who are not.'''
** Ch. 26

* There are two classes of people in this world, those who [[sin]], and those who are sinned against; if a man must belong to either, he had better belong to the first than to the second.
** Ch. 26

* The advantage of doing one's praising for oneself is that one can lay it on so thick and exactly in the right places.
** Ch. 34

* The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
** [http://books.google.com/books?id=wZAEAQAAIAAJ&amp;q=%22The+best+liar+is+he+who+makes+the+smallest+amount+of+lying+go+the+longest+way%22&amp;pg=PA190#v=onepage Ch. 39]

* A man can stand being told that he must submit to a severe surgical operation, or that he has some disease which will shortly kill him, or that he will be a cripple or blind for the rest of his life; dreadful as such tidings must be, we do not find that they unnerve the greatest number of mankind; '''most men, indeed, go coolly enough even to be hanged, but the strongest quail before financial ruin, and the better men they are, the more complete, as a general rule, is their prostration.'''
** Ch. 66

* As the days went slowly by he came to see that [[Christianity]] and the denial of Christianity after all met as much as any other extremes do; '''it was a fight about [[names]] — not about things; practically the [[Catholic Church|Church of Rome]], the [[Church of England]], and the [[freethinker]] have the same [[ideal]] standard and meet in the gentleman; for he is the most perfect [[saint]] who is the most perfect gentleman.''' Then he saw also that it matters little what profession, whether of religion or irreligion, a man may make, provided only he follows it out with [[charitable]] inconsistency, and without insisting on it to the bitter end. '''It is in the uncompromisingness with which dogma is held and not in the dogma or want of dogma that the danger lies.'''
** [http://books.google.com/books?id=wZAEAQAAIAAJ&amp;pg=PA338 Ch. 67]

* An empty house is like a stray dog or a body from which life has departed.
** Ch. 72

* A man's friendships are, like his will, invalidated by marriage—but they are also no less invalidated by the marriage of his friends.
** Ch. 75

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{wikisource author}}
{{commonscat}} 
*{{gutenberg author|id=Samuel_Butler_(1835-1902)|name=Samuel Butler}}
* [http://onlinebooks.library.upenn.edu/webbin/gutbook/lookup?num=1906 ''Erewhon''] at Project Gutenberg
* [http://onlinebooks.library.upenn.edu/webbin/gutbook/lookup?num=1971 ''Erewhon Revisited''] at Project santurakifoundationfounder 

{{DEFAULTSORT: santuraki Abdulkareem}}
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[[Category:Biographers from England]]
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[[Category:Farmers]]
[[Category:People from Nottingham]]
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      <text bytes="64053" sha1="juzhr1js0vwya35w0u3rzye8haruwo2" xml:space="preserve">[[File:SamuelErewhonButler.jpg|thumb|It is [[love]] that alone gives [[life]], and the [[truest]] life is that which we live not in ourselves but vicariously in others, and with which we have [[Kenosis|no concern]]. Our [[concern]] is so to order ourselves that we may be of the number of them that enter into life — although we [[know]] it not.]]
'''[[w:Samuel Butler (novelist)|Samuel Butler]]''' ([[December 4]], [[1835]] – [[June 18]], [[1902]]) was a British satirist, most famous for his novels ''[[w:Erewhon|Erewhon]]'' and ''[[w:The Way of All Flesh (novel)|The Way of All Flesh]]''.
:For the 17th-century author of ''Hudibras'', see [[Samuel Butler (poet)|'''Samuel Butler''' (poet)]]

== Quotes ==
[[File:Samuel Butler 1858.jpg|thumb| The man who lets himself be [[bored]] is even more contemptible than the bore.]]
[[File:Samuel Butler-Mesopotamia Homestead ca 1868.jpg|thumb|Until you [[think]] of things as they are, and not of the [[words]] that misrepresent them, you cannot think rightly. Words produce the [[appearance]] of hard and fast lines where there are none.]]
[[File:Samuel Erewhon Butler-03-self portrait.jpg|thumb| If I were to start as a [[God]] or a [[prophet]] I think I should take the line: &quot;Thou shalt not [[believe]] in me. Thou shalt not have me for a God. Thou shalt [[worship]] any d_____d thing thou likest except me.&quot;]]

* '''The man who lets himself be bored is even more contemptible than the bore.'''
** ''[http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/etext04/fhvn10h.htm The Fair Haven]'', ''Memoir of the Late John Pickard Owen'', Ch. 3 (1873)

* &quot;'''Words, words, words''',&quot; he writes, &quot;'''are the stumbling-blocks in the way of truth. Until you think of things as they are, and not of the words that misrepresent them, you cannot think rightly. Words produce the appearance of hard and fast lines where there are none.''' Words divide; thus we call this a man, that an ape, that a monkey, while they are all only differentiations of the same thing. '''To think of a thing they must be got rid of: they are the clothes that thoughts wear—only the clothes. I say this over and over again, for there is nothing of more importance.''' Other men's words will stop you at the beginning of an investigation. A man may play with words all his life, arranging them and rearranging them like dominoes. If I could think to you without words you would understand me better.&quot;
** ''[http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/etext04/lfhb10h.htm Life and Habit]'', ch. 5 (1877)

* A hen is only an [[egg]]'s way of making another egg.
** ''[http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/etext04/lfhb10h.htm Life and Habit]'', ch. 8 (1877)

* Stowed away in a Montreal lumber room&lt;br&gt;The Discobolus standeth and turneth his face to the wall;&lt;br&gt;Dusty, cobweb-covered, maimed and set at naught,&lt;br&gt;Beauty crieth in an attic and no man regardeth:&lt;br&gt;O God! O Montreal!
** ''[http://www.geocities.com/~bblair/011204.htm A Psalm of Montreal]'', st. 1 (1884)

* The Discobolus is put here because he is vulgar — &lt;br&gt;He has neither vest nor pants with which to cover his limbs.
** ''A Psalm of Montreal'', st. 5

* '''Life is like playing a violin solo in public and learning the instrument as one goes on.'''
** Speech at the Somerville Club, February 27, 1895

* Sing, O goddess, the anger of [[w:Achilles|Achilles]] son of Peleus, that brought countless ills upon the Achaeans. Many a brave soul did it send hurrying down to Hades, and many a hero did it yield a prey to dogs and vultures, for so were the counsels of Jove fulfilled from the day on which the son of Atreus, king of men, and great Achilles, first fell out with one another.
** First lines of Butler's translation of ''The Iliad'' (1898)

* Life and death are balanced as it were on the edge of a razor.
** ''[[s:The Iliad (Butler)|The Iliad of Homer, Rendered into English Prose]]'' (1898), Book X

* There can be no covenants between men and lions, wolves and lambs can never be of one mind, but hate each other out and out an through.
** ''The Iliad of Homer, Rendered into English Prose'' (1898), Book XXII

* Tell me, O muse, of that [[w:Odysseus|ingenious hero]] who traveled far and wide after he had sacked the famous town of Troy. Many cities did he visit, and many were the nations with whose manners and customs he was acquainted; moreover he suffered much by sea while trying to save his own life and bring his men safely home.
** ''[[s:The Odyssey (Butler)|The Odyssey of Homer]]'' (1900), opening lines

* God's merits are so transcendent that it is not surprising his faults should be in reasonable proportion.
** &quot;Rebelliousness&quot;, ''Note-Books (1912)

* It is the manner of gods and prophets to begin: &quot;Thou shalt have none other God or Prophet but me.&quot; '''If I were to start as a God or a prophet I think I should take the line: &quot;Thou shalt not believe in me. Thou shalt not have me for a God.''' Thou shalt worship any d_____d thing thou likest except me.&quot; This should be my first and great commandment, and my second should be like unto it.
** ''Samuel Butler's Notebooks'' (1912) self censored &quot;d_____d&quot; in original publication

* '''The most important service rendered by the press and the magazines is that of educating people to approach printed matter with distrust.'''
** ''[http://books.google.com/books?id=cjk3AAAAIAAJ&amp;q=&amp;quot;The+most+important+service+rendered+by+the+press+and+the+magazines+is+that+of+educating+people+to+approach+printed+matter+with+distrust&amp;quot; Samuel Butler's Notebooks]'' (1951)

* One of the first businesses of a sensible man is to know when he is beaten, and to leave off fighting at once.
** ''[http://books.google.com/books?id=cjk3AAAAIAAJ&amp;q=%22One+of+the+first+businesses+of+a+sensible+man+is+to+know+when+he+is+beaten+and+to+leave+off+fighting+at+once%22&amp;pg=PA186#v=onepage Samuel Butler's Notebooks]'' (1951)

* A [[lawyer]]'s dream of [[heaven]]: every man reclaimed his own property at the resurrection, and each tried to recover it from all his forefathers.
** [http://books.google.pt/books?id=zltaAAAAMAAJ&amp;q=%22A+lawyer's+dream+of+heaven:%22&amp;dq=%22A+lawyer's+dream+of+heaven:%22&amp;hl=pt-PT&amp;sa=X&amp;ei=_LPRUvmtGa_b7AbdjoCADQ&amp;ved=0CFgQ6AEwBjgK ''Further Extracts from the Note-Books of Samuel Butler''], compiled and edited by ‎[[w:Augustus Theodore Bartholomew|A.T. Bartholomew]] (1934), p. 27

* The devil tempted Christ; yes, but it was Christ who tempted the devil to tempt him.
** [http://books.google.com/books?id=zltaAAAAMAAJ&amp;q=%22The+devil+tempted+Christ+yes+but+it+was+Christ+who+tempted+the+devil+to+tempt+him%22&amp;pg=PA76#v=onepage ''Further Extracts from the Note-Books of Samuel Butler''], compiled and edited by [[w:Augustus Theodore Bartholomew|A.T. Bartholomew]] (1934), p. 76

* To do great work a man must be very idle as well as very industrious.
** ''[http://books.google.com/books?id=zltaAAAAMAAJ&amp;q=&amp;quot;To+do+great+work+a+man+must+be+very+idle+as+well+as+very+industrious&amp;quot;&amp;pg=PA262#v=onepage Further Extracts from the Note-Books of Samuel Butler]'', compiled and edited by [[w:Augustus Theodore Bartholomew|A.T. Bartholomew]] (1934), p. 262

{{anchor|legislature}}
* Man is the only animal that laughs and has a state legislature.
** As quoted in ''1,911 Best Things Anybody Ever Said'' (1988) by Robert Byrne

===''Ramblings In Cheapside'' (1890)===
[[File:Samuel Butler by Charles Gogin.jpg|thumb| The limits of the [[body]] seem well defined enough as [[definitions]] go, but definitions seldom go far.]] 
:&lt;small&gt;First published in ''Universal Review'' (December 1890)&lt;/small&gt;
[[File:Samuel Erewhon Butler-02.jpg|thumb|We do not [[know]] what [[death]] is. If we know so little about [[life]] which we have [[experienced]], how shall be know about death which we have not — and in the [[nature]] of things never can?]]

* The [[turtle]] obviously had no sense of proportion; it differed so widely from myself that I could not comprehend it; and as this word occurred to me, it occurred also that until my body comprehended its body in a physical material sense, neither would my mind be able to comprehend its mind with any thoroughness. For unity of mind can only be consummated by unity of body; everything, therefore, must be in some respects both knave and fool to all that which has not eaten it, or by which it has not been eaten. As long as the turtle was in the window and I in the street outside, there was no chance of our comprehending one another. &lt; I knew that I could get it to agree with me if I could so effectually buttonhole and fasten on to it as to eat it. Most men have an easy method with turtle soup, and I had no misgiving but that if I could bring my first premise to bear I should prove the better reasoner. My difficulty lay in this initial process, for I had not with me the argument that would alone compel Mr. Sweeting to think that I ought to be allowed to convert the turtles — I mean I had no money in my pocket. No missionary enterprise can be carried on without any money at all, but even so small a sum as half a crown would, I suppose, have enabled me to bring the turtle partly round, and with many half-crowns I could in time no 
 turtle needs must go where the money drives. If, as is alleged, the world stands on a turtle, the turtle stands on money. No money no turtle. As for money, that stands on opinion, credit, trust, faith — things that, though highly material in connection with money, are still of immaterial essence.

* '''We can see nothing face to face; our utmost seeing is but a fumbling of blind finger-ends in an overcrowded pocket.'''

* '''The limits of the body seem well defined enough as definitions go, but definitions seldom go far.'''

* We meet people every day whose bodies are evidently those of men and women long alive 
but whose appearance we know through their portraits.

* I do not like books. I believe I have the smallest library of any literary man in London, and I have no wish to increase it. I keep my books at the British Museum and at Mudie's, and it makes me very angry if anyone gives me one for my private library.

* If a man would get hold of the public era, he must pay, marry, or fight.

* I should not advise anyone with ordinary independence of mind to attempt the public ear unless he is confident that he can out-lung and out-last his own generation; for if he has any force, people will and ought to be on their guard against him, inasmuch as there is no knowing where he may not take them.

* '''We do not know what death is.''' If we know so little about life which we have experienced, how shall be know about death which we have not — and in the nature of things never can?

* All we know is, that even the humblest dead may live along after all trace of the body has disappeared; we see them doing it in the bodies and memories of these that come after them; and not a few live so much longer and more effectually than is desirable, that it has been necessary to get rid of them by Act of Parliament. '''It is love that alone gives life, and the truest life is that which we live not in ourselves but vicariously in others, and with which we have no concern. Our concern is so to order ourselves that we may be of the number of them that enter into life — although we know it not.'''

* Slugs have ridden their contempt for defensive armour as much to death as the turtles their pursuit of it. They have hardly more than skin enough to hold themselves together; they court death every time they cross the road. Yet death comes not to them more than to the turtle, whose defences are so great that there is little left inside to be defended. Moreover, the slugs fare best in the long run, for turtles are dying out, while slugs are not, and there must be millions of slugs all over the world over for every single turtle.

* '''Propositions prey upon and are grounded upon one another just like living forms.''' They support one another as plants and animals do; they are based ultimately on credit, or faith, rather than the cash of irrefragable conviction. The whole universe is carried on on the credit system, and if the mutual confidence on which it is based were to collapse, it must itself collapse immediately. Just or unjust, it lives by faith; it is based on vague and impalpable opinion that by some inscrutable process passes into will and action, and is made manifest in matter and in flesh; it is meteoric — suspended in mid-air; it is the baseless fabric of a vision to vast, so vivid, and so gorgeous that no base can seem more broad than such stupendous baselessness, and yet any man can bring it about his ears by being over-curious; when faith fails, a system based on faith fails also.

* Whether the universe is really a paying concern, or whether it is an inflated bubble that must burst sooner or later, this is another matter. If people were to demand cash payment in irrefragable certainty for everything that they have taken hitherto as paper money on the credit of the bank of public opinion, is there money enough behind it all to stand so great a drain even on so great a reserve?

* By a merciful dispensation of Providence university training is almost as costly as it is unprofitable. The majority will thus be always unable to afford it, and will base their opinions on mother wit and current opinion rather than on demonstration.

=== ''The Note-Books of Samuel Butler'' (1912) ===
:&lt;small&gt;[http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/6173 Full text online] &lt;/small&gt; 
[[File:Jesus Crucifixion 001.jpg|thumb|The [[world]] at large does not so much care how much [[suffering]] the [[individual]] may either endure or cause in this life, provided he will take himself clean away out of men’s [[thoughts]], whether for [[good]] or ill, when he has left it.]]

==== Part I - ''Lord, What is Man?'' ====
* '''[[Life]] is the [[art]] of drawing sufficient conclusions from insufficient premises.'''
** ''Life'', ix

* All [[progress]] is based upon a universal innate desire on the part of every organism to live beyond its income.
** ''Life'', xvi

* We play out our days as we play out cards, taking them as they come, not knowing what they will be, hoping for a [[lucky]] card and sometimes getting one, often getting just the wrong one.
** ''The World'', ii

* '''There is an [[eternal]] antagonism of interest between the [[individual]] and the [[world]] at large.''' The individual will not so much care how much he may suffer in this world provided he can live in men's good thoughts long after he has left it. The world at large does not so much care how much suffering the individual may either endure or cause in this life, provided he will take himself clean away out of men's thoughts, whether for good or ill, when he has left it.
** ''The Individual and the World''

* Life is the gathering of waves to a head, at death they break into a million fragments each one of which, however, is absorbed at once into the sea of life and helps to form a later generation which comes rolling on till it too breaks.
** ''Birth and Death'', ii

==== Part II - ''Elementary Morality'' ====
[[File:LuMaxArt Golden Family With World Religions.jpg|thumb|I find the nicest and best people generally profess no [[religion]] at all, but are ready to like the best men of [[all]] religions.]]
[[File:Mccartneylibrarypilgrimsprogressstainedglass.jpg|thumb|[[Heaven]] is the work of the best and kindest men and women. [[Hell]] is the work of prigs, pedants and professional truth-tellers. The [[world]] is an attempt to make the best of both.]]

* '''The [[true]] [[laws]] of [[God]] are the laws of our own well-being.'''
** ''God's Laws''

* '''Intellectual over-indulgence is the most gratuitous and disgraceful form which excess can take, nor is there any the consequences of which are more disastrous.'''
** ''Intellectual Self-Indulgence''

* The extremes of vice and virtue are alike detestable; absolute virtue is as sure to kill a man as absolute vice is, let alone the dullnesses of it and the pomposities of it.
** ''Vice and Virtue'', ii

* God does not intend people, and does not like people, to be too good. He likes them neither too good nor too bad, but a little too bad is more venial with him than a little too good.
** ''Vice and Virtue'', iii

* Sin is like a mountain with two aspects according to whether it is viewed before or after it has been reached: yet both aspects are real.
** ''Sin''

* Morality turns on whether the pleasure precedes or follows the pain. Thus, it is immoral to get drunk because the headache comes after the drinking, but if the headache came first, and the drunkenness afterwards, it would be moral to get drunk.
** ''Morality''

* '''Morality is the custom of one's country and the current feeling of one's peers. Cannibalism is moral in a cannibal country.'''
** ''Cannibalism''

* '''To love God is to have good health, good looks, good sense, experience, a kindly nature and a fair balance of cash in hand.'''
** ''God and Man''

* Is there any religion whose followers can be pointed to as distinctly more amiable and trustworthy than those of any other? If so, this should be enough. '''I find the nicest and best people generally profess no religion at all, but are ready to like the best men of all religions.'''
** ''Religion''

* '''[[Heaven]] is the work of the best and kindest men and women. [[Hell]] is the work of prigs, pedants and professional truth-tellers. The world is an attempt to make the best of both.'''
** ''Heaven and Hell''

* '''If we are asked what is the most essential characteristic that underlies this word, the word itself will guide us to gentleness, to absence of such things as brow-beating, overbearing manners and fuss, and generally to consideration for other people.'''
** ''Gentleman''

* [[Money]] is the last enemy that shall never be subdued. While there is flesh there is money — or the want of money; but money is always on the brain so long as there is a brain in reasonable order.
** ''Money''

==== Part III - ''The Germs of Erewhon and of Life and Habit'' ====
[[File:LuMaxArt Golden Guys Teamwork Gear Runners.jpg|thumb|Day by day, however, the [[machines]] are gaining ground upon us; day by day we are becoming more subservient to them; more men are daily bound down as [[slaves]] to tend them, more men are daily devoting the [[energies]] of their whole [[lives]] to the development of mechanical life.]]

* We take it that when the state of things shall have arrived which we have been above attempting to describe, man will have become to the machine what the horse and the dog are to man. He will continue to exist, nay even to improve, and will be probably better off in his state of domestication under the beneficent rule of the machines than he is in his present wild state. We treat our horses, dogs, cattle and sheep, on the whole, with great kindness, we give them whatever experience teaches us to be best for them, and there can be no doubt that our use of meat has added to the happiness of the lower animals far more than it has detracted from it; in like manner it is reasonable to suppose that the machines will treat us kindly, for their existence is as dependent upon ours as ours is upon the lower animals.
** ''Darwin Among the Machines''

* '''Day by day, however, the machines are gaining ground upon us; day by day we are becoming more subservient to them; more men are daily bound down as slaves to tend them, more men are daily devoting the energies of their whole lives to the development of mechanical life.''' The upshot is simply a question of time, but that the time will come when the machines will hold the real supremacy over the world and its inhabitants is what no person of a truly philosophic mind can for a moment question.
** ''Darwin Among the Machines''

* Our opinion is that war to the death should be instantly proclaimed against them. Every machine of every sort should be destroyed by the well-wisher of his species. Let there be no exceptions made, no quarter shown; let us at once go back to the primeval condition of the race. If it be urged that this is impossible under the present condition of human affairs, this at once proves that the mischief is already done, that our servitude has commenced in good earnest, that we have raised a race of beings whom it is beyond our power to destroy and that we are not only enslaved but are absolutely acquiescent in our bondage.
** ''Darwin Among the Machines''

==== Part IV - ''Memory and Design'' ====
[[File:Edward Burne-Jones.The last sleep of Arthur.jpg|thumb|To [[live]] is to [[remember]] and to remember is to live. To [[die]] is to forget and to forget is to die.]]

* '''To be is to think and to be thinkable. To live is to continue thinking and to remember having done so.'''
** ''Memory'', ii

* '''Memory and forgetfulness are as life and death to one another. To live is to remember and to remember is to live. To die is to forget and to forget is to die.'''
** ''Antithesis''

* We are so far identical with our ancestors and our contemporaries that it is very rarely we can see anything that they do not see. It is not unjust that the sins of the fathers should be visited upon the children, for the children committed the sins when in the persons of their fathers.
** ''Personal Identity''

==== Part V - ''Vibrations'' ====
* All thinking is of disturbance, dynamical, a state of unrest tending towards equilibrium. It is all a mode of classifying and of criticising with a view of knowing whether it gives us, or is likely to give us, pleasure or no.
** ''Thinking''

* '''In the highest consciousness there is still unconsciousness, in the lowest unconsciousness there is still consciousness. If there is no consciousness there is no thing, or nothing. To understand perfectly would be to cease to understand at all.'''
** ''Equilibrium''

==== Part VI - ''Mind and Matter'' ====
[[File:Plasma lamp touching.jpg|thumb|[[Feeling]] is an [[art]] and, like any other art, can be acquired by taking [[pains]].]] 

* '''An [[energy]] is a [[soul]] — a something working in us.'''
** ''Matter and Mind'', iii

* '''[[Animals]] and [[plants]] cannot [[understand]] our [[business]], so we have denied that they can understand their own.''' What we call inorganic matter cannot understand the animals' and plants' business, we have therefore denied that it can understand anything whatever.
** ''Organic and Inorganic''

* [[Feeling]] is an [[art]] and, like any other art, can be acquired by taking [[pains]].
** ''Feeling''

* '''Moral influence means persuading another that one can make that other more uncomfortable than that other can make oneself.'''
** ''Moral Influence''

* When we go up to the shelves in the reading-room of the British Museum, how like it is to wasps flying up and down an apricot tree that is trained against a wall, or cattle coming down to drink at a pool!
** ''Mental and Physical Pabulum''

* All eating is a kind of proselytising — a kind of dogmatising — a maintaining that the eater's way of looking at things is better than the eatee's.
** ''Eating and Proselytising''

* '''We can no longer separate things as we once could: everything tends towards unity; one thing, one action, in one place, at one time.''' On the other hand, we can no longer unify things as we once could; we are driven to ultimate atoms, each one of which is an individuality. So that we have an infinite multitude of things doing an infinite multitude of actions in infinite time and space; and yet they are not many things, but one thing.
** ''Unity and Multitude''

==== Part VII - ''On the Making of Music, Pictures, and Books'' ====
[[File:A Young Pulsar Shows its Hand.jpg|thumb| Though analogy is often misleading, it is the least misleading thing we have.]] 

* [[Thought]] [[pure]] and [[simple]] is as near to [[God]] as we can get; it is through this that we are linked with God.
** ''Thought and Word'', i

* '''Though analogy is often misleading, it is the least misleading thing we have.'''
** ''Thought and Word'', ii

* The mere [[fact]] that a thought or [[idea]] can be expressed articulately in [[words]] involves that it is still open to question; and the mere fact that a difficulty can be definitely conceived involves that it is open to solution.
** ''Thought and Word'', iv

* '''Words impede and either kill, or are killed by, perfect thought; but they are, as a scaffolding, useful, if not indispensable, for the building up of imperfect thought and helping to perfect it.'''
** ''Thought and Word'', vi

* Words are like money; there is nothing so useless, unless when in actual use.
** ''Thought and Word'', viii

* '''The written law is binding, but the unwritten law is much more so.''' You may break the written law at a pinch and on the sly if you can, but the unwritten law — which often comprises the written — must not be broken. '''Not being written, it is not always easy to know what it is, but this has got to be done.'''
** ''The Law''

* [Ideas] are like shadows — substantial enough until we try to grasp them.
** ''Ideas''

* All things are like exposed photographic plates that have no visible image on them till they have been developed.
** ''Development''

* Always eat [[grapes]] downwards — that is, always eat the best grape first; in this way there will be none better left on the bunch, and each grape will seem good down to the last.
** ''Eating Grapes Downwards''

* My notes always grow longer if I shorten them. I mean the process of compression makes them more pregnant and they breed new notes.
** ''Making Notes''

* There is nothing less powerful than knowledge unattached, and incapable of application. That is why what little knowledge I have has done myself personally so much harm. I do not know much, but if I knew a good deal less than that little I should be far more powerful.
** ''Knowledge is Power''

* In art, never try to find out anything, or try to learn anything until the not knowing it has come to be a nuisance to you for some time. Then you will remember it, but not otherwise. Let knowledge importune you before you will hear it. Our schools and universities go on the precisely opposite system.
** ''Agonising''

* '''Every new idea has something of the pain and peril of childbirth about it; ideas are just as mortal and just as immortal as organised beings are.'''
** ''New Ideas''

* '''Critics generally come to be critics by reason not of their fitness for this but of their unfitness for anything else.''' Books should be tried by a judge and jury as though they were crimes, and counsel should be heard on both sides.
** ''Criticism''

* A great portrait is always more a portrait of the painter than of the painted.
** ''Portraits''

* A man's style in any art should be like his dress — it should attract as little attention as possible.
** ''A Man's Style''

* They say the test of this [literary power] is whether a man can write an inscription. I say “Can he name a kitten?” And by this test I am condemned, for I cannot.
** ''Literary Power''

* When a man is in doubt about this or that in his writing, it will often guide him if he asks himself how it will tell a hundred years hence.
** ''Writing for a Hundred Years Hence''

==== Part VIII - ''Handel and Music'' ====
* If you tie [[George Frideric Handel|Handel]]'s hands by debarring him from the rendering of human emotion, and if you set [[Johann Sebastian Bach|Bach]]'s free by giving him no human emotion to render — if, in fact, you rob Handel of his opportunities and Bach of his difficulties — the two men can fight after a fashion, but Handel will even so come off victorious.
** ''Handel and Bach'', i

* Handel and [[William Shakespeare|Shakespeare]] have left us the best that any have left us; yet, in spite of this, how much of their lives was wasted.
** ''Waste''

* '''Honesty consists not in never stealing but in knowing where to stop in stealing, and how to make good use of what one does steal.'''
** ''Honesty''

==== Part IX - ''A Painter's Views on Painting'' ====
[[File:Margaret Bernardine Hall - Fantine - Google Art Project.jpg|thumb|[[Art]] has no [[end]] in view save the emphasising and recording in the most effective way some strongly felt interest or [[affection]].]]
[[File:Lesmiserables 1900 valjean rescues Marius.jpg|thumb|An [[artist]]’s touches are sometimes no more articulate than the barking of a [[dog]] who would call attention to something without exactly [[knowing]] what. This is as it should be, and he is a [[great]] artist who can be depended on not to bark at [[nothing]].]]

* Sketching from [[nature]] is very like trying to put a pinch of salt on her tail. And yet many manage to do it very nicely.
** ''Sketching from Nature''

* '''[[Art]] has no [[end]] in view save the emphasising and recording in the most effective way some strongly felt interest or [[affection]].'''
** ''Great Art and Sham Art''

* '''An artist's touches are sometimes no more articulate than the barking of a dog who would call attention to something without exactly knowing what. This is as it should be, and he is a great artist who can be depended on not to bark at nothing.'''
** ''Inarticulate Touches''

* One reason why it is as well not to give very much detail is that, no matter how much is given, the eye will always want more; it will know very well that it is not being paid in full. On the other hand, no matter how little one gives, the eye will generally compromise by wanting only a little more. In either case the eye will want more, so one may as well stop sooner or later. '''Sensible painting, like sensible law, sensible writing, or sensible anything else, consists as much in knowing what to omit as what to insist upon.'''
** ''Detail''

* Painters should remember that the eye, as a general rule, is a good, simple, credulous organ — very ready to take things on trust if it be told them with any confidence of assertion.
** ''The Credulous Eye''

* '''After having spent years striving to be accurate, we must spend as many more in discovering when and how to be inaccurate.'''
** ''Accuracy''

* The composer is seldom a great theorist; the theorist is never a great composer. Each is equally fatal to and essential in the other.
** ''Action and Study''

* If a man has not studied painting, or at any rate black and white drawing, his eyes are wild; learning to draw tames them. The first step towards taming the eyes is to teach them not to see too much.
** ''Seeing''

* Think of and look at your work as though it were done by your enemy. If you look at it to admire it you are lost.
** ''Improvement in Art''

* The youth of an art is, like the youth of anything else, its most interesting period. When it has come to the knowledge of good and evil it is stronger, but we care less about it.
** ''Early Art''

* It is said of money that it is more easily made than kept and this is true of many things, such as friendship; and even life itself is more easily got than kept.
** [http://books.google.com/books?id=JHguFYrTEQ0C&amp;q=%22It+is+said+of+money+that+it+is+more+easily+made+than+kept+and+this+is+true+of+many+things+such+as+friendship+and+even+life+itself+is+more+easily+got+than+kept%22&amp;pg=PA141#v=onepage ''Colour'']
** Often paraphrased as &quot;Friendship is like money, easier made than kept.&quot;

==== Part X - ''The Position of a HomoUnius Libri'' ====
[[File:The Awakening of Christian.jpeg|thumb|[[Ideas]] and [[opinions]], like [[living]] organisms, have a normal rate of [[growth]] which cannot be either checked or [[forced]] beyond a certain point.]]
[[File:Portrait of Samuel Butler.jpg|thumb|Argument is generally waste of [[time]] and trouble. It is better to present one’s [[opinion]] and leave it to stick or no as it may happen. If sound, it will probably in the end stick, and the sticking is the main thing.]]

* '''[[Nothing]] is so [[cruel]] as to try and [[force]] a man beyond his [[natural]] pace.'''
** ''Capping a Success''

* If I [[die]] prematurely, at any rate I shall be saved from being bored by my own [[success]].
** ''Compensation''

* I [[doubt]] whether any [[angel]] would find me very entertaining. As for myself, if ever I do entertain one it will have to be unawares. When people entertain others without an introduction they generally turn out more like devils than angels.
** ''Entertaining Angels''

* People say that there are neither [[dragons]] to be killed nor distressed maidens to be rescued nowadays. I do not know, but I think I have dropped across one or two, nor do I feel sure whether the most mortal wounds have been inflicted by the dragons or by myself.
** ''Dragons''

* There are some things which it is madness not to try to know but which it is almost as much madness to try to know.
** ''Trying to Know''

* He who would propagate an [[opinion]] must begin by making sure of his ground and holding it firmly. There is as little use in trying to breed from weak opinion as from other weak stock.
** ''The Art of Propagating Opinion''

* '''Ideas and opinions, like living organisms, have a normal rate of growth which cannot be either checked or forced beyond a certain point.''' They can be held in check more safely than they can be hurried. They can also be killed; and one of the surest ways to kill them is to try to hurry them.
** ''The Art of Propagating Opinion''

* The more unpopular an opinion is, the more necessary is it that the holder should be somewhat punctilious in his observance of conventionalities generally, and that, if possible, he should get the reputation of being well-to-do in the world.
** ''The Art of Propagating Opinion''

* Many, if not most, good ideas die young — mainly from neglect on the part of the parents, but sometimes from over-fondness. Once well started, an opinion had better be left to shift for itself.
** ''The Art of Propagating Opinion''

* '''Argument is generally waste of time and trouble. It is better to present one's opinion and leave it to stick or no as it may happen. If sound, it will probably in the end stick, and the sticking is the main thing.'''
** ''Argument''

==== Part XI - ''Cash and Credit'' ====
* He [the Philosopher] should have made many mistakes and been saved often by the skin of his teeth, for the skin of one's teeth is the most teaching thing about one. He should have been, or at any rate believed himself, a great fool and a great criminal. He should have cut himself adrift from society, and yet not be without society.
** ''The Philosopher''

* Most artists, whether in religion, music, literature, painting, or what not, are shopkeepers in disguise. They hide their shop as much as they can, and keep pretending that it does not exist, but they are essentially shopkeepers and nothing else.
** ''The Artist and the Shopkeeper''

* It is curious that money, which is the most valuable thing in life, ''exceptis excipiendis'', should be the most fatal corrupter of music, literature, painting and all the arts. As soon as any art is pursued with a view to money, then farewell, in ninety-nine cases out of a hundred, all hope of genuine good work.
** ''Money''

* '''Genius...has been defined as a supreme capacity for taking trouble...It might be more fitly described as a supreme capacity for getting its possessors into trouble of all kinds and keeping them therein so long as the genius remains.'''
** ''Genius'', i

* Inspiration is never genuine if it is known as inspiration at the time. True inspiration always steals on a person; its importance not being fully recognised for some time.
** ''Genius'', iii

* '''Dullness is so much stronger than genius because there is so much more of it, and it is better organised and more naturally cohesive.'''
** ''Genius'', iv

* All men can do great things, if they know what great things are.
** ''Great Things''

* Surely the glory of finally getting rid of and burying a long and troublesome matter should be as great as that of making an important discovery. The trouble is that the coverer is like Samson who perished in the wreck of what he had destroyed; if he gets rid of a thing effectually he gets rid of himself too.
** ''The Art of Covery''

* The supposition that the world is ever in league to put a man down is childish. Hardly less childish is it for an author to lay the blame on reviewers. A good sturdy author is a match for a hundred reviewers.
** ''Ephemeral and Permanent Success''

==== Part XII - ''The Enfant Terrible of Literature'' ====
* I am the ''enfant terrible'' of literature and science.
** ''Myself''

* '''If people like being deceived — and this can hardly be doubted — there can rarely have been a time during which they can have had more of the wish than now. The literary, scientific and religious worlds vie with one another in trying to gratify the public.'''
** ''Populus Vult''

* The greatest poets never write poetry. The [[Homer|Homers]] and [[William Shakespeare|Shakespeares]] are not the greatest — they are only the greatest that we can know. And so with [[George Frideric Handel|Handel]] among musicians. For '''the highest poetry, whether in music or literature, is ineffable — it must be felt from one person to another, it cannot be articulated.'''
** ''Poetry''

* If a person would understand either the ''Odyssey'' or any other ancient work, he must never look at the dead without seeing the living in them, nor at the living without thinking of the dead. '''We are too fond of seeing the ancients as one thing and the moderns as another.'''
** ''Ancient Work''

==== Part XIII - ''Unprofessional Sermons'' ====
* Nothing will ever die so long as it knows what to do under the circumstances, in other words so long as it knows its business.
** ''The Roman Empire''

* Italians, and perhaps Frenchmen, consider first whether they like or want to do a thing and then whether, on the whole, it will do them any harm. Englishmen, and perhaps Germans, consider first whether they ought to like a thing and often never reach the questions whether they do like it and whether it will hurt. There is much to be said for both systems, but I suppose it is best to combine them as far as possible.
** ''Italians and Englishmen''

* One can bring no greater reproach against a man than to say that he does not set sufficient value upon pleasure, and there is no greater sign of a fool than the thinking that he can tell at once and easily what it is that pleases him. To know this is not easy, and how to extend our knowledge of it is the highest and the most neglected of all arts and branches of education.
** ''On Knowing what Gives us Pleasure'', i

* I should like to like [[Robert Schumann|Schumann]]'s music better than I do; I dare say I could make myself like it better if I tried; but '''I do not like having to try to make myself like things; I like things that make me like them at once and no trying at all.'''
** ''On Knowing what Gives us Pleasure'', ii

==== Part XIV - ''Higgledy-Piggledy'' ====
[[File:The Death of King Arthur by John Garrick.jpg|thumb| The [[great]] characters of fiction live as truly as the [[memories]] of dead men. For the [[life]] after [[death]] it is not [[necessary]] that a man or woman should have lived.]]
[[File:Emanation.png|thumb|[[Silence]] is not always tact and it is tact that is golden, not silence.]]

* Every one should keep a mental waste-paper basket and the older he grows the more things he will consign to it — torn up to irrecoverable tatters.
** ''Waste-Paper Baskets''

* They [my thoughts] are like persons met upon a journey; I think them very agreeable at first but soon find, as a rule, that I am tired of them.
** ''My Thoughts''

* '''An [[idea]] must not be condemned for being a little shy and incoherent; all new ideas are shy when introduced first among our old ones.''' We should have [[patience]] and see whether the incoherency is likely to wear off or to wear on, in which latter case the sooner we get rid of them the better.
** ''Incoherency of New Ideas''

* It must be remembered that we have only heard one side of the case. [[God]] has written all the [[books]].
** ''An Apology for the Devil''

* It does not matter much what a man hates provided he hates something.
** ''Hating''

* '''The [[great]] characters of fiction live as truly as the memories of dead men. For the life after death it is not necessary that a man or woman should have lived.'''
** ''Hamlet, Don Quixote, Mr. Pickwick and others''

* '''The evil that men do lives after them. Yes, and a good deal of the evil that they never did as well.'''
** ''Reputation''

* '''There are two classes, those who want to know and do not care whether others think they know or not, and those who do not much care about knowing but care very greatly about being reputed as knowing.'''
** ''Scientists''

* '''Everything matters more than we think it does, and, at the same time, nothing matters so much as we think it does.''' The merest spark may set all Europe in a blaze, but though all Europe be set in a blaze twenty times over, the world will wag itself right again.
** ''Sparks''

* '''Time is the only true purgatory.'''
** ''Purgatory''

* He is greatest who is most often in men's good thoughts.
** ''Greatness''

* '''The great pleasure of a [[dog]] is that you may make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself too.'''
** ''Dogs''

* The Will-be and the Has-been touch us more nearly than the Is. So we are more tender towards children and old people than to those who are in the prime of life.
** ''Future and Past''

* '''People are lucky and unlucky not according to what they get absolutely, but according to the ratio between what they get and what they have been led to expect.'''
** ''Lucky and Unlucky''

* A definition is the enclosing a wilderness of idea within a wall of words.
** ''Definitions'', iii

* The dons are too busy educating the young men to be able to teach them anything.
** ''Oxford and Cambridge''

* '''Silence is not always tact and it is tact that is golden, not silence.'''
** ''Silence and Tact''

* To put one's trust in God is only a longer way of saying that one will chance it.
** ''Providence and Improvidence'', ii

* '''To live is like to love — all reason is against it, and all healthy instinct for it.'''
** ''Life and Love''

==== Part XV - ''Titles and Subjects'' ====
* This poem [''The Ancient Mariner''] would not have taken so well if it had been called “The Old Sailor.”
** ''The Ancient Mariner''

==== Part XVI - ''Written Sketches'' ====
* A little boy and a little girl were looking at a picture of Adam and Eve. &quot;Which is Adam and which is Eve?&quot; said one. &quot;I do not know,&quot; said the other, &quot;but I could tell if they had their clothes on.&quot;
** ''Adam and Eve''

==== Part XVII - ''Material for a Projected Sequel to Alps and Sanctuaries'' ====
* The public buys its opinions as it buys its meat, or takes in its milk, on the principle that it is cheaper to do this than to keep a cow. So it is, but the milk is more likely to be watered.
** ''Public Opinions''

* Men are seldom more commonplace than on supreme occasions.
** ''Supreme Occasions''

==== Part XIX - ''Truth and Convenience'' ====
* The pursuit of truth is chimerical. That is why it is so hard to say what truth is. There is no permanent absolute unchangeable truth; what we should pursue is the most convenient arrangement of our ideas.
** ''Truth'', ii

* Some men love truth so much that they seem to be in continual fear lest she should catch cold on over-exposure.
** ''Truth'', vii

* Truth consists not in never lying but in knowing when to lie and when not to do so.
** ''Falsehood'', i

* Any fool can tell the truth, but it requires a man of some sense to know how to lie well.
** ''Falsehood'', iii

* I do not mind lying, but I hate inaccuracy.
** ''Falsehood'', iv

==== Part XX - ''First Principles'' ====
* Our choice is apparently most free, and we are least obviously driven to determine our course, in those cases where the future is most obscure, that is, when the balance of advantage appears most doubtful.
** ''Choice''

* You can have all ego, or all non-ego, but in theory you cannot have half one and half the other — yet in practice this is exactly what you must have, for everything is both itself and not itself at one and the same time.'''
** ''Ego and Non-Ego''

* '''As a general rule philosophy is like stirring mud or not letting a sleeping dog lie.''' It is an attempt to deny, circumvent or otherwise escape from the consequences of the interlacing of the roots of things with one another.
** ''Philosophy''

* It is with philosophy as with just intonation on a piano, if you get everything quite straight and on all fours in one department, in perfect tune, it is delightful so long as you keep well in the middle of the key; but as soon as you modulate you find the new key is out of tune and the more remotely you modulate the more out of tune you get.
** ''Philosophy and Equal Temperament''

* '''We are not won by arguments that we can analyse, but by tone and temper, by the manner which is the man himself.'''
** [http://books.google.com/books?id=JHguFYrTEQ0C&amp;q=&amp;quot;We+are+not+won+by+arguments+that+we+can+analyse+but+by+tone+and+temper+by+the+manner+which+is+the+man+himself&amp;quot;&amp;pg=PA329#v=onepage ''Argument'']

==== Part XXI - ''Rebelliousness'' ====
* '''You can do very little with faith, but you can do nothing without it.'''
** ''Faith'', ii

==== Part XXII - ''Reconciliation'' ====
* I am not sure that I do not begin to like the correction of a mistake, even when it involves my having shown much ignorance and stupidity, as well as I like hitting on a new idea.
** ''Inaccuracy''

==== Part XXIII - ''Death'' ====
* No one thinks he will escape death, so there is no disappointment and, as long as we know neither the when nor the how, the mere fact that we shall one day have to go does not much affect us; we do not care, even though we know vaguely that we have not long to live. The serious trouble begins when death becomes definite in time and shape. It is in precise fore-knowledge, rather than in sin, that the sting of death is to be found; and such fore-knowledge is generally withheld; though, strangely enough, many would have it if they could.
** ''Fore-knowledge of Death''

* '''To die completely, a person must not only forget but be forgotten, and he who is not forgotten is not dead.'''
** ''Complete Death''

* '''There is nothing which at once affects a man so much and so little as his own death.'''
** ''The Defeat of Death''

* To himself every one is an immortal: he may know that he is going to die, but he can never know that he is dead.
** ''Ignorance of Death''

==== Part XXIV - ''The Life of the World to Come'' ====
* To try to live in posterity is to be like an actor who leaps over the footlights and talks to the orchestra.
** ''Posthumous Life'', i

* The world will, in the end, follow only those who have despised as well as served it.
** ''The World''

* When I am dead I would rather people thought me better than I was instead of worse; but if they think me worse, I cannot help it and, if it matters at all, it will matter more to them than to me.
** ''Apologia'', i

=== ''[[w: Erewhon|Erewhon]]'' (1872) ===
:&lt;small&gt;[http://www.gutenberg.org/files/1906/1906-h/1906-h.htm Full text online] &lt;/small&gt;

* I call it to mind and delight in it now, but I did not notice it at the time. We next to never know when we are well off: but this cuts two ways,--for if we did, we should perhaps know better when we are ill off also; and I have sometimes thought that there are as many ignorant of the one as of the other. He who wrote, “O fortunatos nimium sua si bona norint agricolas,” might have written quite as truly, “O infortunatos nimium sua si mala norint”; and there are few of us who are not protected from the keenest pain by our inability to see what it is that we have done, what we are suffering, and what we truly are. Let us be grateful to the mirror for revealing to us our appearance only.
** Ch. 3

* I felt comparatively happy, but I can assure the reader that I had had a far worse time of it than I have told him; and I strongly recommend him to remain in Europe if he can; or, at any rate, in some country which has been explored and settled, rather than go into places where others have not been before him. Exploring is delightful to look forward to and back upon, but it is not comfortable at the time, unless it be of such an easy nature as not to deserve the name.
** Ch. 4

* When he had left the room, I mused over the conversation which had just taken place between us, but I could make nothing out of it, except that it argued an even greater perversity of mental vision than I had been yet prepared for. And this made me wretched; for I cannot bear having much to do with people who think differently from myself.
** Ch. 9

* No one with any sense of self-respect will place himself on an equality in the matter of affection with those who are less lucky than himself in birth, health, money, good looks, capacity, or anything else. Indeed, that dislike and even disgust should be felt by the fortunate for the unfortunate, or at any rate for those who have been discovered to have met with any of the more serious and less familiar misfortunes, is not only natural, but desirable for any society, whether of man or brute.
** Ch. 10

* For property is robbery, but then, we are all robbers or would-be robbers together, and have found it essential to organise our thieving, as we have found it necessary to organise our lust and our revenge. Property, marriage, the law; as the bed to the river, so rule and convention to the instinct; and woe to him who tampers with the banks while the flood is flowing.
** Ch. 12

* But the main argument on which they rely is that of economy: for they know that they will sooner gain their end by appealing to men's pockets, in which they have generally something of their own, than to their heads, which contain for the most part little but borrowed or stolen property.
** Ch. 12

* It is here that almost all religions go wrong. Their priests try to make us believe that they know more about the unseen world than those whose eyes are still blinded by the seen, can ever know--forgetting that while to deny the existence of an unseen kingdom is bad, to pretend that we know more about it than its bare existence is no better.
** Ch. 15

* But I did not yield at once; I enjoyed the process of being argued with too keenly to lose it by a prompt concession; besides, a little hesitation rendered the concession itself more valuable.
** Ch. 16

* They were gentlemen in the full sense of the word; and what has one not said in saying this?
** Ch. 17

* It is a distinguishing peculiarity of the Erewhonians that when they profess themselves to be quite certain about any matter, and avow it as a base on which they are to build a system of practice, they seldom quite believe in it. If they smell a rat about the precincts of a cherished institution, they will always stop their noses to it if they can.
** Ch. 18

* Strange fate for man! He must perish if he get that, which he must perish if he strive not after. If he strive not after it he is no better than the brutes, if he get it he is more miserable than the devils.
** Ch. 19

* “To be born,” they say, “is a felony--it is a capital crime, for which sentence may be executed at any moment after the commission of the offence. You may perhaps happen to live for some seventy or eighty years, but what is that, compared with the eternity you now enjoy? And even though the sentence were commuted, and you were allowed to live on for ever, you would in time become so terribly weary of life that execution would be the greatest mercy to you.
** Ch. 19

* It is hard upon the duckling to have been hatched by a hen, but is it not also hard upon the hen to have hatched the duckling?
** Ch. 19

* No Erewhonian believes that the world is as black as it has been here painted, but it is one of their peculiarities that they very often do not believe or mean things which they profess to regard as indisputable.
** Ch. 20

* It has been said that the love of money is the root of all evil. The want of money is so quite as truly.
** Ch. 20

* Their view evidently was that genius was like offences--needs must that it come, but woe unto that man through whom it comes. A man’s business, they hold, is to think as his neighbours do, for Heaven help him if he thinks good what they count bad. And really it is hard to see how the Erewhonian theory differs from our own, for the word “idiot” only means a person who forms his opinions for himself.
** Ch. 22

* “It is not our business,” he said, “to help students to think for themselves. Surely this is the very last thing which one who wishes them well should encourage them to do. Our duty is to ensure that they shall think as we do, or at any rate, as we hold it expedient to say we do.”
** Ch. 22

* I could hardly avoid a sort of suspicion that some of those whom I was taken to see had been so long engrossed in their own study of hypothetics that they had become the exact antitheses of the Athenians in the days of St. Paul; for whereas the Athenians spent their lives in nothing save to see and to hear some new thing, there were some here who seemed to devote themselves to the avoidance of every opinion with which they were not perfectly familiar, and regarded their own brains as a sort of sanctuary, to which if an opinion had once resorted, none other was to attack it.
** Ch. 22

* We find it difficult to sympathise with the emotions of a potato; so we do with those of an oyster. Neither of these things makes a noise on being boiled or opened, and noise appeals to us more strongly than anything else, because we make so much about our own sufferings. Since, then, they do not annoy us by any expression of pain we call them emotionless; and so ''qua'' mankind they are; but mankind is not everybody.
** Ch. 23

* “If it be urged that the action of the potato is chemical and mechanical only, and that it is due to the chemical and mechanical effects of light and heat, the answer would seem to lie in an inquiry whether every sensation is not chemical and mechanical in its operation? whether those things which we deem most purely spiritual are anything but disturbances of equilibrium in an infinite series of levers, beginning with those that are too small for microscopic detection, and going up to the human arm and the appliances which it makes use of? whether there be not a molecular action of thought, whence a dynamical theory of the passions shall be deducible? Whether strictly speaking we should not ask what kind of levers a man is made of rather than what is his temperament? How are they balanced? How much of such and such will it take to weigh them down so as to make him do so and so?”
** Ch. 23

* “Silence,” it has been said by one writer, “is a virtue which renders us agreeable to our fellow-creatures.”
** Ch. 23

* A man is the resultant and exponent of all the forces that have been brought to bear upon him, whether before his birth or afterwards. His action at any moment depends solely upon his constitution, and on the intensity and direction of the various agencies to which he is, and has been, subjected. Some of these will counteract each other; but as he is by nature, and as he has been acted on, and is now acted on from without, so will he do, as certainly and regularly as though he were a machine.&lt;br&gt;We do not generally admit this, because we do not know the whole nature of any one, nor the whole of the forces that act upon him. We see but a part, and being thus unable to generalise human conduct, except very roughly, we deny that it is subject to any fixed laws at all, and ascribe much both of a man's character and actions to chance, or luck, or fortune; but these are only words whereby we escape the admission of our own ignorance; and a little reflection will teach us that the most daring flight of the imagination or the most subtle exercise of the reason is as much the thing that must arise, and the only thing that can by any possibility arise, at the moment of its arising, as the falling of a dead leaf when the wind shakes it from the tree.
** Ch. 25

* And should we not be guilty of consummate folly if we were to reject advantages which we cannot obtain otherwise, merely because they involve a greater gain to others than to ourselves?
** Ch. 25

* Happily common sense, though she is by nature the gentlest creature living, when she feels the knife at her throat, is apt to develop unexpected powers of resistance, and to send doctrinaires flying, even when they have bound her down and think they have her at their mercy.
** Ch. 26

* As a matter of course, the basis on which he decided that duty could alone rest was one that afforded no standing-room for many of the old-established habits of the people. These, he assured them, were all wrong, and whenever any one ventured to differ from him, he referred the matter to the unseen power with which he alone was in direct communication, and the unseen power invariably assured him that he was right.
** Ch. 26

* “Plants,” said he, &quot;show no sign of interesting themselves in human affairs. We shall never get a rose to understand that five times seven are thirty-five, and there is no use in talking to an oak about fluctuations in the price of stocks. Hence we say that the oak and the rose are unintelligent, and on finding that they do not understand our business conclude that they do not understand their own. But what can a creature who talks in this way know about intelligence? Which shows greater signs of intelligence? He, or the rose and oak?
** Ch. 27

* But so engrained in the human heart is the desire to believe that some people really do know what they say they know, and can thus save them from the trouble of thinking for themselves, that in a short time would-be philosophers and faddists became more powerful than ever, and gradually led their countrymen to accept all those absurd views of life.
** Ch. 27

=== ''[[w: The Way of All Flesh|The Way of All Flesh]]'' (1903) ===
:&lt;small&gt;[http://www.gutenberg.org/files/2084/2084-h/2084-h.htm Full text online] &lt;/small&gt; 

* It is far safer to know too little than too much. People will condemn the one, though they will resent being called upon to exert themselves to follow the other.
** Ch. 5

* Adversity, if a man is set down to it by degrees, is more supportable with equanimity by most people than any great prosperity arrived at in a single lifetime.
** Ch. 5

* We know so well what we are doing ourselves and why we do it, do we not? I fancy that there is some truth in the view which is being put forward nowadays, that it is our less conscious thoughts and our less conscious actions which mainly mould our lives and the lives of those who spring from us.
** Ch. 5

* Youth is like spring, an overpraised season.
** Ch. 6

* A pair of lovers are like sunset and sunrise: there are such things every day but we very seldom see them.
** Ch. 11

* Taking numbers into account, I should think more mental suffering had been undergone in the streets leading from St George's, Hanover Square, than in the condemned cells of Newgate.
** Ch. 13

* Every man's [[work]], whether it be [[literature]] or [[music]] or pictures or architecture or anything else, is always a portrait of himself, and the more he tries to conceal himself the more clearly will his character appear in spite of him.
** Ch. 14

* '''All [[animals]], except man, know that the principal business of [[life]] is to enjoy it.'''
** Ch. 19

* How is it, I wonder, that all religious officials, from [[God]] the Father to the parish beadle, should be so arbitrary and exacting.
** Ch. 23; this is one of the passages excised from &lt;cite&gt;The Way of All Flesh&lt;/cite&gt; when it was first published in 1903, after Butler's death, by his literary executor, R. Streatfeild. This first edition of &lt;cite&gt;The Way of All Flesh&lt;/cite&gt; is widely available in plain text on the internet, but readers of facsimiles of the first edition should be aware that Streatfeild significantly altered and edited Butler's text, &quot;regularizing&quot; the punctuation and removing most of Butler's most trenchant criticism of Victorian society and conventional pieties. Butler's full manuscript, entitled &lt;cite&gt;Ernest Pontifex, or The Way of All Flesh&lt;/cite&gt;, was edited and issued by Daniel F. Howard in 1965. It is from this edition that this quote is derived; it was excised by Streatfeild in the first edition.

* One great reason why clergymen's households are generally unhappy is because the clergyman is so much at home or close about the house.
** Ch. 24

* Sensible people get the greater part of their own dying done during their own lifetime.
** Ch. 24

* '''To me it seems that those who are [[happy]] in this world are better and more lovable people than those who are not.'''
** Ch. 26

* There are two classes of people in this world, those who [[sin]], and those who are sinned against; if a man must belong to either, he had better belong to the first than to the second.
** Ch. 26

* The advantage of doing one's praising for oneself is that one can lay it on so thick and exactly in the right places.
** Ch. 34

* The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
** [http://books.google.com/books?id=wZAEAQAAIAAJ&amp;q=%22The+best+liar+is+he+who+makes+the+smallest+amount+of+lying+go+the+longest+way%22&amp;pg=PA190#v=onepage Ch. 39]

* A man can stand being told that he must submit to a severe surgical operation, or that he has some disease which will shortly kill him, or that he will be a cripple or blind for the rest of his life; dreadful as such tidings must be, we do not find that they unnerve the greatest number of mankind; '''most men, indeed, go coolly enough even to be hanged, but the strongest quail before financial ruin, and the better men they are, the more complete, as a general rule, is their prostration.'''
** Ch. 66

* As the days went slowly by he came to see that [[Christianity]] and the denial of Christianity after all met as much as any other extremes do; '''it was a fight about [[names]] — not about things; practically the [[Catholic Church|Church of Rome]], the [[Church of England]], and the [[freethinker]] have the same [[ideal]] standard and meet in the gentleman; for he is the most perfect [[saint]] who is the most perfect gentleman.''' Then he saw also that it matters little what profession, whether of religion or irreligion, a man may make, provided only he follows it out with [[charitable]] inconsistency, and without insisting on it to the bitter end. '''It is in the uncompromisingness with which dogma is held and not in the dogma or want of dogma that the danger lies.'''
** [http://books.google.com/books?id=wZAEAQAAIAAJ&amp;pg=PA338 Ch. 67]

* An empty house is like a stray dog or a body from which life has departed.
** Ch. 72

* A man's friendships are, like his will, invalidated by marriage—but they are also no less invalidated by the marriage of his friends.
** Ch. 75

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{wikisource author}}
{{commonscat}} 
*{{gutenberg author|id=Samuel_Butler_(1835-1902)|name=Samuel Butler}}
* [http://onlinebooks.library.upenn.edu/webbin/gutbook/lookup?num=1906 ''Erewhon''] at Project Gutenberg
* [http://onlinebooks.library.upenn.edu/webbin/gutbook/lookup?num=1971 ''Erewhon Revisited''] at Project Gutenberg

{{DEFAULTSORT:Butler, Samuel}}
[[Category:Novelists from England]]
[[Category:1835 births]]
[[Category:1902 deaths]]
[[Category:Satirists from England]]
[[Category:Translators from England]]
[[Category:Biographers from England]]
[[Category:LGBT people]]
[[Category:Farmers]]
[[Category:People from Nottingham]]
[[Category:Victorian novelists]]</text>
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      <text bytes="15748" sha1="hq3r97zjtprix5x0pe9vfxv1bx220of" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Euphues the anatomy of wit.jpg|thumb|right|Title page of ''Euphues'', the book that launched Lily's writing career]]
'''[[w:John Lyly|John Lyly]]''' ('''Lilly''' or '''Lylie''') (c. 1553 – 1606) was an English writer, best known for his ''[[w:Euphues: The Anatomy of Wit|Euphues]]'' (1578).

== Quotes ==

=== [[w:Campaspe (play)|''Campaspe'']] ===

[[File:The Book of old English songs and ballads - 12 O Love! has she done this to thee.jpg|thumb|O Love! has she done this to thee?&lt;br&gt;What shall, alas! become of me?]]

* O! for a bowl of fat Canary,&lt;br&gt;Rich Palermo, sparkling Sherry.
** {{smallcaps|Granichus}}, act I, sc. ii &lt;!-- l. 89 --&gt; 

* None is happy but a glutton.
** {{smallcaps|Manes}}, act I, sc. ii 

* For wenches, wine, and lusty cheer,&lt;br&gt;Jove would leap down to surfeit here.
** {{smallcaps|Chorus}}, act I, sc. ii &lt;!-- &quot;A Serving-Men's Song&quot;. Original orthography: &quot;{{smallcaps|Granichus}}: O for a Bowle of fatt Canary, / Rich Palermo, sparkling Sherry, / Some Nectar else, from ''Juno’s'' Daiery, / O these draughts would make us merry. / {{smallcaps|Psyllus}}: O for a wench, (I deale in faces, / And in other dayntier things,) / Tickled am I with her Embraces, / Fine dancing in such Fairy Ringes. / {{smallcaps|Manes}}: O for a plump fat leg of Mutton, / Veale, Lambe, Capon, Pigge, and Conney, / None is happy but a Glutton, / None an Asse but who wants money. / {{smallcaps|Chorus}}: Wines (indeed,) and Girles are good,&lt;br&gt;But brave victuals feast the bloud, / For wenches, wine, and Lusty cheere, / ''Jove'' would leape down to surfet heere.&quot; --&gt;

* {{smallcaps|Campaspe}}: Were women never to fair, men would be false.&lt;br&gt;{{smallcaps|Apelles}}: Were women never so false, men would be fond.
** Act III, sc. iii &lt;!-- l. 28. Original orthography: &quot;Were women never to faire, mẽ wold be false. / Were womẽ never so false, men wold be fond.&quot; --&gt;

* Cupid and my Campaspe play'd&lt;br&gt;At cards for kisses—Cupid paid:&lt;br&gt;He stakes his quiver, bow, and arrows,&lt;br&gt;His mother's doves, and team of sparrows;&lt;br&gt;Loses them too; then down he throws&lt;br&gt;The coral of his lips, the rose&lt;br&gt;Growing on's cheek (but none knows how);&lt;br&gt;With these, the crystal of his brow,&lt;br&gt;And then the dimple of his chin:&lt;br&gt;All these did my Campaspe win.&lt;br&gt;At last he set her both his eyes—&lt;br&gt;She won, and Cupid blind did rise.&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp; O Love! has she done this for thee?&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp; What shall, alas! become of me?
** {{smallcaps|Apelles}}, act III, sc. v &lt;!-- l. 62. &quot;Song by Apelles&quot;. Reported in Q's ''OBEV'' (1900). // Original orthography: &quot;''Cupid'' and my ''Campaspe'' playd / At Cardes for kisses, ''Cupid'' payd; / He stakes his Quiver, Bow, and Arrows, / His Mothers doves, and teeme of sparrows; / Looses them too; then, downe he throwes / The corrall of his lippe, the rose / Growing on’s cheek (but none knows how), / With these, the cristall of his Brow, / And then the dimple of his chinne: / All these did my ''Campaspe'' winne. / At last, hee set her both his eyes; / Shee won, and ''Cupid'' blind did rise. / O Love! has shee done this to Thee? / What shall (Alas!) become of mee?&quot; --&gt;
** Variant: 'to' not 'for', l. 13

* What bird so sings, yet so does wail?&lt;br&gt;Oh, 'tis the ravished nightingale.&lt;br&gt;&quot;Jug, jug, jug, jug, tereu,&quot; she cries,&lt;br&gt;And still her woes at midnight rise.
** {{smallcaps|Trico}}, act V, sc. i &lt;!-- l. 32. &quot;Song&quot;. Reported in ''Many Thoughts of Many Minds: Second Series'', 6th ed. (London: Charles Griffin and Co, 1880) p. 46. Original orthography: &quot;What Bird so sings, yet so dos wayle? / O t’is the ravish’d Nightingale. / Jug, jug, jug, tereu, shee cryes, / And still her woes at Midnight rise. / Brave prick song! who is’t now we heare? / None but the Larke so shrill and cleare; / Now at heavens gats she claps her wings, / The Morne not waking till shee sings. / Heark, heark, with what a pretty throat / Poore Robin red-breast tunes his note; / Heark how the jolly Cuckoes sing / Cuckoe, to welcome in the spring, / Cuckoe, to welcome in the spring.&quot; --&gt;
** Compare: &quot;Hark, hark! the lark at heaven's gate sings, / And Phœbus 'gins arise.&quot;—Shakespeare, [[Cymbeline#Act II|''Cymbeline'']], act II, sc. 3
** Variant: 'How' not Now', l. 7

=== ''Euphues'' (Arber [1580]) ===

* Be valyaunt, but not too venturous. Let thy attyre bee comely, but not costly.
** P. 39. Compare: &quot;Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy,/ But not express'd in fancy; rich, not gaudy&quot;, [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Hamlet]]'', act i, sc. 3

* Though the Camomill, the more it is trodden and pressed downe the more it spreadeth.
** P. 46. Compare: &quot;The camomile, the more it is trodden on the faster it grows&quot;, [[William Shakespeare]], 1 ''Henry IV'', act ii, sc. 4

* The finest edge is made with the blunt whetstone.
** P. 47

* I cast before the Moone.
** P. 78. Compare: &quot;Feare may force a man to cast beyond the moone&quot;, [[John Heywood]], ''Proverbes'', Part i, Chap. iv

* It seems to me (said she) that you are in some brown study.
** P. 80. Compare: &quot;A brown study&quot;, [[Jonathan Swift]], ''Polite Conversation''

* The soft droppes of rain perce the hard marble; many strokes overthrow the tallest oaks.
** P. 81. Compare: &quot;Water continually dropping will wear hard rocks hollow&quot;, [[Plutarch]], ''Of the Training of Children''; &quot;''Stillicidi casus lapidem cavat''&quot; (translation: &quot;Continual dropping wears away a stone&quot;), [[Lucretius]], i. 314; &quot;Many strokes, though with a little axe,/ Hew down and fell the hardest-timber'd oak&quot;, [[William Shakespeare]], 3 ''Henry VI'', act ii, sc. 1

* He reckoneth without his Hostesse. Love knoweth no lawes.
** P. 84. Compare: &quot;Reckeners without their host must recken twice&quot;, [[John Heywood]], ''Proverbes'', Part i, Chap. viii

* That honourable estate of Matrimony, which was sanctified in Paradise, allowed of the Patriarches, hallowed of the olde Prophets, and commended of al persons.
** P. 86

* Did not Jupiter transforme himselfe into the shape of Amphitrio to embrace Alcmæna; into the form of a swan to enjoy Leda; into a Bull to beguile Io; into a showre of gold to win Danae?
** P. 93. Compare: &quot;Jupiter himself was turned into a satyr, a shepherd, a bull, a swan, a golden shower, and what not for love&quot;, [[Robert Burton]], ''Anatomy of Melancholy'', part iii, sec ii, mem. i, subs. 1

* Lette me stande to the maine chance.
** P. 104. Compare: &quot;The main chance&quot;, [[William Shakespeare]], 1 ''Henry VI'', act i, sc. 1.; [[Samuel Butler]], ''Hudibras'', part ii' canto ii.; [[John Dryden]], ''Persius'', satire vi

* I mean not to run with the Hare and holde with the Hounde.
** P. 107. Compare: &quot;To hold with the hare and run with the hound&quot;, [[John Heywood]], ''Proverbes'', Part i, Chap. x

* Rather fast then surfette, rather starue then striue to exceede.
** P. 108

* Is it not true which Seneca reporteth, that as too much bending breaketh the bowe, so too much remission spoyleth the minde?
** P. 112

* It is a world to see.
** P. 116. Compare: &quot;'Tis a world to see&quot;, [[William Shakespeare]], ''Taming of the Shrew'', act ii, sc. 1

=== ''Euphues and His England'' ===

* Goe to bed with the Lambe, and rise with the Larke.
** P. 229. Compare: &quot;To rise with the lark and go to bed with the lamb&quot;, [[Breton]], ''Court and Country'', 1618 (reprint, page 182); &quot;Rise with the lark, and with the lark to bed&quot;, [[James Hurdis]], ''The Village Curate''.

* A comely olde man as busie as a bee.
** P. 252

* Maydens, be they never so foolyshe, yet beeing fayre they are commonly fortunate.
** P. 279

* Where the streame runneth smoothest, the water is deepest.
** P. 287. Compare: &quot;Passions are likened best to floods and streams: The shallow murmur, but the deep are dumb&quot;, Sir [[Walter Raleigh]], ''The Silent Lover''

* Your eyes are so sharpe that you cannot onely looke through a Milstone, but cleane through the minde.
** P. 289

* Fishe and gesse in three dayes are stale.
** P. 305/306 &lt;!-- [https://books.google.ch/books?id=4_ENAQAAMAAJ&amp;q=%22fishe%20and%22&amp;f=false#v=onepage&amp;q=%22fishe%20and%22%20%22in%20three%22%20%22dayes%20are%20stale%22] --&gt;

* I am glad that my Adonis hath a sweete tooth in his head.
** P. 308

* For experience teacheth me that straight trees have crooked roots.
** P. 311 &lt;!-- [http://books.google.com/books?id=3xRbAAAAMAAJ&amp;q=&amp;quot;for+experience+teacheth+me+that+straight+trees+have+crooked+roots&amp;quot;&amp;pg=PA311#v=onepage] --&gt;

* A Rose is sweeter in the budde than full blowne.
** P. 314. Compare: &quot;The rose is fairest when 't is budding new&quot;, Sir [[Walter Scott]], ''Lady of the Lake'', canto iii. st. 1

;Unsorted

* Fish and guests in three days are stale.
** ''Euphues'', p. 305

* There can no great smoke arise, but there must be some fire.
** ''Euphues and His Euphœbus'', p. 153, reported in ''Bartlett's Familiar Quotations'', 10th ed. (1919). Compare: &quot;There is no fire without some smoke&quot;, [[John Heywood]], ''Proverbes'', Part ii, Chap. v

* A clere conscience is a sure carde.
** ''Euphues'', p. 207, reported in ''Bartlett's Familiar Quotations'', 10th ed. (1919). Compare: &quot;This is a sure card&quot;, [[Thersytes]], c. 1550

* As lyke as one pease is to another.
** ''Euphues'', p. 215, reported in ''Bartlett's Familiar Quotations'', 10th ed. (1919)

=== [[w:Gallathea|''Gallathea'']] ===

[[File:The Book of old English songs and ballads - 10 Is any cozened of a tear Which as pearl disdain does wear.jpg|thumb|Is any cozened of a tear&lt;br&gt;Which as a pearl disdain does wear?&lt;br&gt;Here stands the thief; let her come&lt;br&gt;Hither, and lay on him her doom.]]

* Rocks, shelves, and sands and seas, farewell.&lt;br&gt;Fie! Who would dwell&lt;br&gt;In such a hell&lt;br&gt;As is a ship, which drunk does reel,&lt;br&gt;Taking salt healths from deck to keel?
** {{smallcaps|All}}, act I, sc. iv (''Boys' Song'')

* Is any cozened of a tear&lt;br&gt;Which as a pearl disdain does wear?&lt;br&gt;Here stands the thief; let her come&lt;br&gt;Hither, and lay on him her doom.
** {{smallcaps|Eurota}}, act IV, sc. ii (''Nymphs' Song'') &lt;!-- Original orthography: &quot;{{smallcaps|Telusa}}: O yes, O yes, if any maid,&lt;br&gt;Whom lering ''Cupid'' has betraid&lt;br&gt;To frownes of spite, to eyes of scorne,&lt;br&gt;And would in madness now see torne&lt;br&gt;The boy in pieces,—{{pb}}{{smallcaps|All three}}: Let her come&lt;br&gt;Hither, and lay on him her doome.{{pb}}{{smallcaps|Eurota}}: O yes, O yes, has any lost&lt;br&gt;A heart, which many a sigh hath cost;&lt;br&gt;Is any cozened of a teare,&lt;br&gt;Which (as a pearle) disdaine does weare?{{pb}}{{smallcaps|All three}}: Here stands the thiefe, let her but come&lt;br&gt;Hither, and lay on him her doome.{{pb}}{{smallcaps|Larissa}}: Is any one undone by fire,&lt;br&gt;And turn'd to ashes through desire?&lt;br&gt;Did ever any lady weepe,&lt;br&gt;Being cheated of her golden sleepe?&lt;br&gt;Stolne by sicke thoughts!{{pb}}{{smallcaps|All three}}: The pirat's found,&lt;br&gt;And in her teares hee shal be drown'd.&lt;br&gt;Reade his inditement, let him heare&lt;br&gt;What hee's to trust to: boy give eare.&quot; --&gt;

=== [[w:Midas (Lyly play)|''Midas'']] ===

* My Daphne's hair is twisted gold,&lt;br&gt;Bright stars a-piece her eyes do hold,&lt;br&gt;My Daphne's brow enthrones the graces,&lt;br&gt;My Daphne's beauty stains all faces;&lt;br&gt;On Daphne's cheek grow rose and cherry,&lt;br&gt;On Daphne's lip a sweeter berry.
** {{smallcaps|Apollo}}, act IV, sc. i (''A Song of Daphne to the Lute'') &lt;!-- Original orthography: &quot;My ''Daphne’s'' Haire is twisted Gold,&lt;br&gt;Bright starres a-piece her Eyes doe hold,&lt;br&gt;My ''Daphne’s'' Brow inthrones the Graces,&lt;br&gt;My ''Daphne’s'' Beauty staines all Faces;&lt;br&gt;On ''Daphne’s'' Cheeke grow Rose and Cherry,&lt;br&gt;On ''Daphne’s'' Lip a sweeter Berry,&lt;br&gt;''Daphne’s'' snowy Hand but touch’d does melt,&lt;br&gt;And then no heauenlier Warmth is felt,&lt;br&gt;My ''Daphne’s'' voice tunes all the Spheres,&lt;br&gt;My ''Daphne’s'' Musick charmes all Eares.&lt;br&gt;Fond am I thus to sing her prayse;&lt;br&gt;These glories now are turn’d to Bayes.&quot; --&gt;

* Pan's Syrinx was a girl indeed,&lt;br&gt;Though now she's turned into a reed.
** {{smallcaps|Pan}}, act IV, sc. i (''Pan's Song'') &lt;!-- Original orthography: &quot;''Pan’s'' ''Syrinx'' was a Girle indeed,&lt;br&gt;Though now shee’s turn’d into a Reed,&lt;br&gt;From that deare Reed 𝘗𝘢𝘯’𝘴 Pipe doth come,&lt;br&gt;A Pipe that strikes ''Apollo'' dumbe;&lt;br&gt;Nor Flute, nor Lute, nor Gitterne can&lt;br&gt;So chant it, as the Pipe of ''Pan'';&lt;br&gt;Cross-gartred Swaines, and Dairie girles,&lt;br&gt;With faces smug, and round as Pearles,&lt;br&gt;When ''Pans'' shrill Pipe begins to play,&lt;br&gt;With dancing weare out Night and Day:&lt;br&gt;The Bag-pipes Drone his Hum layes by,&lt;br&gt;When ''Pan'' sounds up his Minstrelsie,&lt;br&gt;His Minstrelsie! O Base! this Quill&lt;br&gt;Which at my mouth with winde I fill,&lt;br&gt;Puts me in mind, though Her I misse,&lt;br&gt;That still my ''Syrinx'' lips I kisse.&quot; --&gt;

* Cross-gartered swains, and dairy girls,&lt;br&gt;With faces smug, and round as pearls,&lt;br&gt;When Pan's shrill pipe begins to play,&lt;br&gt;With dancing wear out night and day.
** {{smallcaps|Pan}}, act IV, sc. i (''Pan's Song'')

* Io, paeans let us sing,&lt;br&gt;To physic's and to poesy's king
** {{smallcaps|All}}, act V, sc. iii (''Song to Apollo'') &lt;!-- Original orthography: &quot;Sing to ''Apollo'', God of Day,&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;Whose golden beames with morning play,&lt;br&gt;And make her eyes so brightly shine,&lt;br&gt;''Aurora’s'' face is call’d Divine.&lt;br&gt;Sing to ''Phoebus'', and that Throne&lt;br&gt;Of Diamonds which he sits upon.&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;''Io'', Pæans let vs sing,&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;To Physickes and to Poesies King.{{pb}}Crowne all his Altars with bright fire,&lt;br&gt;Laurels bind about his Lire,&lt;br&gt;A ''Daphnean'' Coronet for his Head,&lt;br&gt;The Muses dance about his Bed;&lt;br&gt;When on his ravishing Lute he playes,&lt;br&gt;Strew his Temple round with Bayes.&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;''Io'', Pæans let vs sing,&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;To the glittering Delian King.&quot; --&gt;

=== [[w:Mother Bombie|''Mother Bombie'']] ===

* O Cupid! Monarch over Kings!&lt;br&gt;Wherefore hast thou feet and wings?&lt;br&gt;Is it to show how swift thou art,&lt;br&gt;When thou would'st wound a tender heart?&lt;br&gt;Thy wings being clipped, and feet held still,&lt;br&gt;Thy bow so many would not kill.&lt;br&gt;It is all one in Venus' wanton school&lt;br&gt;Who highest sits, the wise man or the fool!&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp; Fools in love’s college&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp; Have far more knowledge&lt;br&gt;To read a woman over,&lt;br&gt;Than a neat prating lover.&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp; Nay, 'tis confessed&lt;br&gt;	That fools please women best!
** {{smallcaps|Silena}}, act III, sc. iii &lt;!-- Original orthography: &quot;O Cupid! Monarch over Kings,&lt;br&gt;Wherefore hast thou feete and wings?&lt;br&gt;It is to show how swift thou art,&lt;br&gt;When thou wound’st a tender heart:&lt;br&gt;Thy wings being clip’d, and feete held still,&lt;br&gt;Thy Bow so many could not kill.&lt;br&gt;A&lt;small&gt;CCIUS&lt;/small&gt;:&lt;br&gt;It is all one in Venus wanton schoole,&lt;br&gt;Who highest sits, the wise man or the foole:&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;Fooles in loves colledge&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;Have farre more knowledge,&lt;br&gt;To read a woman over,&lt;br&gt;Than a neate prating lover.&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;Nay, tis confest,&lt;br&gt;That fooles please women best.&quot; --&gt;

== Quotes about Lyly ==

* &quot;Be valyaunt, but not too venturous&quot; is quoted in [[P. G. Wodehouse]], ''[[Jeeves and Wooster]]'', when Wooster is playing golf, and getting his ball into the rough once too often. In this, he refers to Lyly simply as &quot;The Poet&quot;

== External links ==
* {{Wikipedia-inline}}

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[[Category:Novelists from England]]
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[[Category:Poets from England]]
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      <text bytes="17436" sha1="eo5zlrdgog9c71p5v2udeqxxnz1p1sf" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Euphues the anatomy of wit.jpg|thumb|right|Title page of ''Euphues'', the book that launched Lily's writing career]]
'''[[w:John Lyly|John Lyly]]''' ('''Lilly''' or '''Lylie''') (c. 1553 – 1606) was an English writer, best known for his ''[[w:Euphues: The Anatomy of Wit|Euphues]]'' (1578).

== Quotes ==

=== [[w:Campaspe (play)|''Campaspe'']] ===

[[File:The Book of old English songs and ballads - 12 O Love! has she done this to thee.jpg|thumb|O Love! has she done this to thee?&lt;br&gt;What shall, alas! become of me?]]

* O! for a bowl of fat Canary,&lt;br&gt;Rich Palermo, sparkling Sherry.
** {{smallcaps|Granichus}}, act I, sc. ii &lt;!-- l. 89 --&gt; 

* None is happy but a glutton.
** {{smallcaps|Manes}}, act I, sc. ii 

* For wenches, wine, and lusty cheer,&lt;br&gt;Jove would leap down to surfeit here.
** {{smallcaps|Chorus}}, act I, sc. ii &lt;!-- &quot;A Serving-Men's Song&quot;. Original orthography: &quot;{{smallcaps|Granichus}}: O for a Bowle of fatt Canary, / Rich Palermo, sparkling Sherry, / Some Nectar else, from ''Juno’s'' Daiery, / O these draughts would make us merry. / {{smallcaps|Psyllus}}: O for a wench, (I deale in faces, / And in other dayntier things,) / Tickled am I with her Embraces, / Fine dancing in such Fairy Ringes. / {{smallcaps|Manes}}: O for a plump fat leg of Mutton, / Veale, Lambe, Capon, Pigge, and Conney, / None is happy but a Glutton, / None an Asse but who wants money. / {{smallcaps|Chorus}}: Wines (indeed,) and Girles are good,&lt;br&gt;But brave victuals feast the bloud, / For wenches, wine, and Lusty cheere, / ''Jove'' would leape down to surfet heere.&quot; --&gt;

* {{smallcaps|Campaspe}}: Were women never to fair, men would be false.&lt;br&gt;{{smallcaps|Apelles}}: Were women never so false, men would be fond.
** Act III, sc. iii &lt;!-- l. 28. Original orthography: &quot;Were women never to faire, mẽ wold be false. / Were womẽ never so false, men wold be fond.&quot; --&gt;

* Cupid and my Campaspe play'd&lt;br&gt;At cards for kisses—Cupid paid:&lt;br&gt;He stakes his quiver, bow, and arrows,&lt;br&gt;His mother's doves, and team of sparrows;&lt;br&gt;Loses them too; then down he throws&lt;br&gt;The coral of his lips, the rose&lt;br&gt;Growing on's cheek (but none knows how);&lt;br&gt;With these, the crystal of his brow,&lt;br&gt;And then the dimple of his chin:&lt;br&gt;All these did my Campaspe win.&lt;br&gt;At last he set her both his eyes—&lt;br&gt;She won, and Cupid blind did rise.&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp; O Love! has she done this for thee?&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp; What shall, alas! become of me?
** {{smallcaps|Apelles}}, act III, sc. v &lt;!-- l. 62. &quot;Song by Apelles&quot;. Reported in Q's ''OBEV'' (1900). // Original orthography: &quot;''Cupid'' and my ''Campaspe'' playd / At Cardes for kisses, ''Cupid'' payd; / He stakes his Quiver, Bow, and Arrows, / His Mothers doves, and teeme of sparrows; / Looses them too; then, downe he throwes / The corrall of his lippe, the rose / Growing on’s cheek (but none knows how), / With these, the cristall of his Brow, / And then the dimple of his chinne: / All these did my ''Campaspe'' winne. / At last, hee set her both his eyes; / Shee won, and ''Cupid'' blind did rise. / O Love! has shee done this to Thee? / What shall (Alas!) become of mee?&quot; --&gt;
** Variant: 'to' not 'for', l. 13

* What bird so sings, yet so does wail?&lt;br&gt;Oh, 'tis the ravished nightingale.&lt;br&gt;&quot;Jug, jug, jug, jug, tereu,&quot; she cries,&lt;br&gt;And still her woes at midnight rise.
** {{smallcaps|Trico}}, act V, sc. i &lt;!-- l. 32. &quot;Song&quot;. Reported in ''Many Thoughts of Many Minds: Second Series'', 6th ed. (London: Charles Griffin and Co, 1880) p. 46. Original orthography: &quot;What Bird so sings, yet so dos wayle? / O t’is the ravish’d Nightingale. / Jug, jug, jug, tereu, shee cryes, / And still her woes at Midnight rise. / Brave prick song! who is’t now we heare? / None but the Larke so shrill and cleare; / Now at heavens gats she claps her wings, / The Morne not waking till shee sings. / Heark, heark, with what a pretty throat / Poore Robin red-breast tunes his note; / Heark how the jolly Cuckoes sing / Cuckoe, to welcome in the spring, / Cuckoe, to welcome in the spring.&quot; --&gt;
** Compare: &quot;Hark, hark! the lark at heaven's gate sings, / And Phœbus 'gins arise.&quot;—Shakespeare, [[Cymbeline#Act II|''Cymbeline'']], act II, sc. 3
** Variant: 'How' not Now', l. 7

=== ''Euphues'' (Arber [1580]) ===

* Be valyaunt, but not too venturous. Let thy attyre bee comely, but not costly.
** P. 39. Compare: &quot;Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy,/ But not express'd in fancy; rich, not gaudy&quot;, [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Hamlet]]'', act i, sc. 3

* Though the Camomill, the more it is trodden and pressed downe the more it spreadeth.
** P. 46. Compare: &quot;The camomile, the more it is trodden on the faster it grows&quot;, [[William Shakespeare]], 1 ''Henry IV'', act ii, sc. 4

* The finest edge is made with the blunt whetstone.
** P. 47

* I cast before the Moone.
** P. 78. Compare: &quot;Feare may force a man to cast beyond the moone&quot;, [[John Heywood]], ''Proverbes'', Part i, Chap. iv

* It seems to me (said she) that you are in some brown study.
** P. 80. Compare: &quot;A brown study&quot;, [[Jonathan Swift]], ''Polite Conversation''

* The soft droppes of rain perce the hard marble; many strokes overthrow the tallest oaks.
** P. 81. Compare: &quot;Water continually dropping will wear hard rocks hollow&quot;, [[Plutarch]], ''Of the Training of Children''; &quot;''Stillicidi casus lapidem cavat''&quot; (translation: &quot;Continual dropping wears away a stone&quot;), [[Lucretius]], i. 314; &quot;Many strokes, though with a little axe,/ Hew down and fell the hardest-timber'd oak&quot;, [[William Shakespeare]], 3 ''Henry VI'', act ii, sc. 1

* He reckoneth without his Hostesse. Love knoweth no lawes.
** P. 84. Compare: &quot;Reckeners without their host must recken twice&quot;, [[John Heywood]], ''Proverbes'', Part i, Chap. viii

* That honourable estate of Matrimony, which was sanctified in Paradise, allowed of the Patriarches, hallowed of the olde Prophets, and commended of al persons.
** P. 86

* Did not Jupiter transforme himselfe into the shape of Amphitrio to embrace Alcmæna; into the form of a swan to enjoy Leda; into a Bull to beguile Io; into a showre of gold to win Danae?
** P. 93. Compare: &quot;Jupiter himself was turned into a satyr, a shepherd, a bull, a swan, a golden shower, and what not for love&quot;, [[Robert Burton]], ''Anatomy of Melancholy'', part iii, sec ii, mem. i, subs. 1

* Lette me stande to the maine chance.
** P. 104. Compare: &quot;The main chance&quot;, [[William Shakespeare]], 1 ''Henry VI'', act i, sc. 1.; [[Samuel Butler]], ''Hudibras'', part ii' canto ii.; [[John Dryden]], ''Persius'', satire vi

* I mean not to run with the Hare and holde with the Hounde.
** P. 107. Compare: &quot;To hold with the hare and run with the hound&quot;, [[John Heywood]], ''Proverbes'', Part i, Chap. x

* Rather fast then surfette, rather starue then striue to exceede.
** P. 108

* Is it not true which Seneca reporteth, that as too much bending breaketh the bowe, so too much remission spoyleth the minde?
** P. 112

* It is a world to see.
** P. 116. Compare: &quot;'Tis a world to see&quot;, [[William Shakespeare]], ''Taming of the Shrew'', act ii, sc. 1

=== ''Euphues and His England'' ===

* Goe to bed with the Lambe, and rise with the Larke.
** P. 229. Compare: &quot;To rise with the lark and go to bed with the lamb&quot;, [[Breton]], ''Court and Country'', 1618 (reprint, page 182); &quot;Rise with the lark, and with the lark to bed&quot;, [[James Hurdis]], ''The Village Curate''.

* A comely olde man as busie as a bee.
** P. 252

* Maydens, be they never so foolyshe, yet beeing fayre they are commonly fortunate.
** P. 279

* Where the streame runneth smoothest, the water is deepest.
** P. 287. Compare: &quot;Passions are likened best to floods and streams: The shallow murmur, but the deep are dumb&quot;, Sir [[Walter Raleigh]], ''The Silent Lover''

* Your eyes are so sharpe that you cannot onely looke through a Milstone, but cleane through the minde.
** P. 289

* Fishe and gesse in three dayes are stale.
** P. 305/306 &lt;!-- [https://books.google.ch/books?id=4_ENAQAAMAAJ&amp;q=%22fishe%20and%22&amp;f=false#v=onepage&amp;q=%22fishe%20and%22%20%22in%20three%22%20%22dayes%20are%20stale%22] --&gt;

* I am glad that my Adonis hath a sweete tooth in his head.
** P. 308

* For experience teacheth me that straight trees have crooked roots.
** P. 311 &lt;!-- [http://books.google.com/books?id=3xRbAAAAMAAJ&amp;q=&amp;quot;for+experience+teacheth+me+that+straight+trees+have+crooked+roots&amp;quot;&amp;pg=PA311#v=onepage] --&gt;

* A Rose is sweeter in the budde than full blowne.
** P. 314. Compare: &quot;The rose is fairest when 't is budding new&quot;, Sir [[Walter Scott]], ''Lady of the Lake'', canto iii. st. 1

;Unsorted

* Fish and guests in three days are stale.
** ''Euphues'', p. 305

* There can no great smoke arise, but there must be some fire.
** ''Euphues and His Euphœbus'', p. 153, reported in ''Bartlett's Familiar Quotations'', 10th ed. (1919). Compare: &quot;There is no fire without some smoke&quot;, [[John Heywood]], ''Proverbes'', Part ii, Chap. v

* A clere conscience is a sure carde.
** ''Euphues'', p. 207, reported in ''Bartlett's Familiar Quotations'', 10th ed. (1919). Compare: &quot;This is a sure card&quot;, [[Thersytes]], c. 1550

* As lyke as one pease is to another.
** ''Euphues'', p. 215, reported in ''Bartlett's Familiar Quotations'', 10th ed. (1919)

=== [[w:Gallathea|''Gallathea'']] ===

[[File:The Book of old English songs and ballads - 10 Is any cozened of a tear Which as pearl disdain does wear.jpg|thumb|Is any cozened of a tear&lt;br&gt;Which as a pearl disdain does wear?&lt;br&gt;Here stands the thief; let her come&lt;br&gt;Hither, and lay on him her doom.]]

* Rocks, shelves, and sands and seas, farewell.&lt;br&gt;Fie! Who would dwell&lt;br&gt;In such a hell&lt;br&gt;As is a ship, which drunk does reel,&lt;br&gt;Taking salt healths from deck to keel?
** {{smallcaps|All}}, act I, sc. iv (''Boys' Song'')

* Is any cozened of a tear&lt;br&gt;Which as a pearl disdain does wear?&lt;br&gt;Here stands the thief; let her come&lt;br&gt;Hither, and lay on him her doom.
** {{smallcaps|Eurota}}, act IV, sc. ii (''Nymphs' Song'') &lt;!-- Original orthography: &quot;{{smallcaps|Telusa}}: O yes, O yes, if any maid,&lt;br&gt;Whom lering ''Cupid'' has betraid&lt;br&gt;To frownes of spite, to eyes of scorne,&lt;br&gt;And would in madness now see torne&lt;br&gt;The boy in pieces,—{{pb}}{{smallcaps|All three}}: Let her come&lt;br&gt;Hither, and lay on him her doome.{{pb}}{{smallcaps|Eurota}}: O yes, O yes, has any lost&lt;br&gt;A heart, which many a sigh hath cost;&lt;br&gt;Is any cozened of a teare,&lt;br&gt;Which (as a pearle) disdaine does weare?{{pb}}{{smallcaps|All three}}: Here stands the thiefe, let her but come&lt;br&gt;Hither, and lay on him her doome.{{pb}}{{smallcaps|Larissa}}: Is any one undone by fire,&lt;br&gt;And turn'd to ashes through desire?&lt;br&gt;Did ever any lady weepe,&lt;br&gt;Being cheated of her golden sleepe?&lt;br&gt;Stolne by sicke thoughts!{{pb}}{{smallcaps|All three}}: The pirat's found,&lt;br&gt;And in her teares hee shal be drown'd.&lt;br&gt;Reade his inditement, let him heare&lt;br&gt;What hee's to trust to: boy give eare.&quot; --&gt;

=== [[w:Midas (Lyly play)|''Midas'']] ===

* My Daphne's hair is twisted gold,&lt;br&gt;Bright stars a-piece her eyes do hold,&lt;br&gt;My Daphne's brow enthrones the graces,&lt;br&gt;My Daphne's beauty stains all faces;&lt;br&gt;On Daphne's cheek grow rose and cherry,&lt;br&gt;On Daphne's lip a sweeter berry.
** {{smallcaps|Apollo}}, act IV, sc. i (''A Song of Daphne to the Lute'') &lt;!-- Original orthography: &quot;My ''Daphne’s'' Haire is twisted Gold,&lt;br&gt;Bright starres a-piece her Eyes doe hold,&lt;br&gt;My ''Daphne’s'' Brow inthrones the Graces,&lt;br&gt;My ''Daphne’s'' Beauty staines all Faces;&lt;br&gt;On ''Daphne’s'' Cheeke grow Rose and Cherry,&lt;br&gt;On ''Daphne’s'' Lip a sweeter Berry,&lt;br&gt;''Daphne’s'' snowy Hand but touch’d does melt,&lt;br&gt;And then no heauenlier Warmth is felt,&lt;br&gt;My ''Daphne’s'' voice tunes all the Spheres,&lt;br&gt;My ''Daphne’s'' Musick charmes all Eares.&lt;br&gt;Fond am I thus to sing her prayse;&lt;br&gt;These glories now are turn’d to Bayes.&quot; --&gt;

* Pan's Syrinx was a girl indeed,&lt;br&gt;Though now she's turned into a reed.
** {{smallcaps|Pan}}, act IV, sc. i (''Pan's Song'') &lt;!-- Original orthography: &quot;''Pan’s'' ''Syrinx'' was a Girle indeed,&lt;br&gt;Though now shee’s turn’d into a Reed,&lt;br&gt;From that deare Reed 𝘗𝘢𝘯’𝘴 Pipe doth come,&lt;br&gt;A Pipe that strikes ''Apollo'' dumbe;&lt;br&gt;Nor Flute, nor Lute, nor Gitterne can&lt;br&gt;So chant it, as the Pipe of ''Pan'';&lt;br&gt;Cross-gartred Swaines, and Dairie girles,&lt;br&gt;With faces smug, and round as Pearles,&lt;br&gt;When ''Pans'' shrill Pipe begins to play,&lt;br&gt;With dancing weare out Night and Day:&lt;br&gt;The Bag-pipes Drone his Hum layes by,&lt;br&gt;When ''Pan'' sounds up his Minstrelsie,&lt;br&gt;His Minstrelsie! O Base! this Quill&lt;br&gt;Which at my mouth with winde I fill,&lt;br&gt;Puts me in mind, though Her I misse,&lt;br&gt;That still my ''Syrinx'' lips I kisse.&quot; --&gt;

* Cross-gartered swains, and dairy girls,&lt;br&gt;With faces smug, and round as pearls,&lt;br&gt;When Pan's shrill pipe begins to play,&lt;br&gt;With dancing wear out night and day.
** {{smallcaps|Pan}}, act IV, sc. i (''Pan's Song'')

* Io, paeans let us sing,&lt;br&gt;To physic's and to poesy's king
** {{smallcaps|All}}, act V, sc. iii (''Song to Apollo'') &lt;!-- Original orthography: &quot;Sing to ''Apollo'', God of Day,&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;Whose golden beames with morning play,&lt;br&gt;And make her eyes so brightly shine,&lt;br&gt;''Aurora’s'' face is call’d Divine.&lt;br&gt;Sing to ''Phoebus'', and that Throne&lt;br&gt;Of Diamonds which he sits upon.&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;''Io'', Pæans let vs sing,&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;To Physickes and to Poesies King.{{pb}}Crowne all his Altars with bright fire,&lt;br&gt;Laurels bind about his Lire,&lt;br&gt;A ''Daphnean'' Coronet for his Head,&lt;br&gt;The Muses dance about his Bed;&lt;br&gt;When on his ravishing Lute he playes,&lt;br&gt;Strew his Temple round with Bayes.&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;''Io'', Pæans let vs sing,&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;To the glittering Delian King.&quot; --&gt;

=== [[w:Mother Bombie|''Mother Bombie'']] ===

* O Cupid! Monarch over Kings!&lt;br&gt;Wherefore hast thou feet and wings?&lt;br&gt;Is it to show how swift thou art,&lt;br&gt;When thou would'st wound a tender heart?&lt;br&gt;Thy wings being clipped, and feet held still,&lt;br&gt;Thy bow so many would not kill.&lt;br&gt;It is all one in Venus' wanton school&lt;br&gt;Who highest sits, the wise man or the fool!&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp; Fools in love’s college&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp; Have far more knowledge&lt;br&gt;To read a woman over,&lt;br&gt;Than a neat prating lover.&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp; Nay, 'tis confessed&lt;br&gt;	That fools please women best!
** {{smallcaps|Silena}}, act III, sc. iii &lt;!-- Original orthography: &quot;O Cupid! Monarch over Kings,&lt;br&gt;Wherefore hast thou feete and wings?&lt;br&gt;It is to show how swift thou art,&lt;br&gt;When thou wound’st a tender heart:&lt;br&gt;Thy wings being clip’d, and feete held still,&lt;br&gt;Thy Bow so many could not kill.&lt;br&gt;A&lt;small&gt;CCIUS&lt;/small&gt;:&lt;br&gt;It is all one in Venus wanton schoole,&lt;br&gt;Who highest sits, the wise man or the foole:&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;Fooles in loves colledge&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;Have farre more knowledge,&lt;br&gt;To read a woman over,&lt;br&gt;Than a neate prating lover.&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;Nay, tis confest,&lt;br&gt;That fooles please women best.&quot; --&gt;

=== [[w:Sapho and Phao|''Sapho and Phao'']] ===

* My shag-hair Cyclops, come, let's ply&lt;br&gt;Our Lemnian hammers lustily.&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp; By my wife's sparrows,&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp; I swear these arrows&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp; Shall singing fly&lt;br&gt;Through many a wanton's eye.{{pb}}These headed are with golden blisses,&lt;br&gt;These silver ones feathered with kisses,&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp; But this of lead&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp; Strikes a clown dead,&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp; When in a dance&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp; He falls in a trance,&lt;br&gt;To see his black-brow lass not buss him,&lt;br&gt;And then whines out for death t'untruss him.&lt;br&gt;So, so: our work being done, let's play:&lt;br&gt;Holiday! boys, cry holiday!
** {{smallcaps|Vulcan}}, act IV, sc. iv (''Song, In Making of the Arrows'') &lt;!-- Original orthography: &quot;My shag-haire Cyclops, come, lets ply&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;Our [[w:Lemnos|Lemnion]] hammers lustily;&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;By my wifes sparrowes,&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;I sweare these arrowes&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;Shall singing fly&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;Through many a wantons Eye.{{pb}}These headed are with golden Blisses,&lt;br&gt;These silver-ones featherd with Kisses,&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;But this of Lead&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;Strikes a Clowne Dead,&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;When in a Dance&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;Hee fals in a Trance,&lt;br&gt;To se his black-brow Lasse not busse him,&lt;br&gt;And then whines out for death t’ untrusse him.&lt;br&gt;So, so, our worke being don lets play,&lt;br&gt;Holliday (Boyes) cry Holliday.&quot; --&gt;

== Quotes about Lyly ==

* &quot;Be valyaunt, but not too venturous&quot; is quoted in [[P. G. Wodehouse]], ''[[Jeeves and Wooster]]'', when Wooster is playing golf, and getting his ball into the rough once too often. In this, he refers to Lyly simply as &quot;The Poet&quot;

== External links ==
* {{Wikipedia-inline}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Lyly, John}}
[[Category:Novelists from England]]
[[Category:Playwrights from England]]
[[Category:Poets from England]]
[[Category:Members of the Parliament of England]]
[[Category:1550s births]]
[[Category:1606 deaths]]</text>
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[[File:Shrek logo.jpg|thumb]]
'''''[[w:Shrek|Shrek]]''''' is a [[w:2001 in film|2001 American]] [[w:animated film|animated film]] about an ogre who, in order to regain his swamp, travels along with a donkey in order to bring a princess to a scheming lord who wishes come King.
:''Directed by [[w:Andrew Adamson|Andrew Adamson]] and [[Vicky Jenson]]. Written by [[w:Ted Elliott (screenwriter)|Ted Elliott]], [[w:Terry Rossio|Terry Rossio]], [[w:Joe Stillman|Joe Stillman]] and [[w:Roger S. H. Schulman|Roger S. H. Schulman]], based on the [[w:Shrek!|book of the same name]] by [[w:William Steig|William Steig]].''
:''Music by [[Harry Gregson-Williams]] and [[John Powell]].''
{{center|'''The greatest fairy tale never told.''' &lt;small&gt;([[#Taglines|taglines]])&lt;/small&gt;}}

==Shrek==
* ''[whispers]'' This is the part where you run away.
* No! I'm an ogre. You know. &quot;Grab your torch and pitchforks.&quot;
* What are you doing in my swamp?! ''[echoes]''
* All right. Who knows where this Farquaad guy is?
* It’s quiet. Too quiet. Where is everybody?
* All right, you're going the right way for a smacked bottom.
* Thank you! Thank you very much! I'm here 'til Thursday. Try the veal!
* You know what? Maybe there’s a good reason donkeys shouldn’t talk.
* Okay, uh, ogres are like onions.
* NO! You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! Ogres are like onions! End of story! Bye-Bye! ''[whispers]'' See you later.
* Well, at least we know where the princess is, but where's the...?
* DONKEY, LOOK OUT!
* Okay, you two! Head for the exit! I’ll take care of the dragon. '''RUN!!!'''

==Donkey==
* This is gonna be fun. We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories, and in the mornin', I'm makin' waffles!
* Wow! Let’s do that again!
* DRAAAGOOOOOOOOOON!!!!!!!
* ''[gets cornered by Dragon]'' Oh, what large teeth you have! ''[Dragon roars]'' I-I-I-I...
* Do I detect a hint of minty freshness?
* Princess, where are you? It's very spooky in here. I ain't playing no games.
* That’s what friends are for.
* ''[atop the dragon after she swallows Farquaad]'' All right, nobody move! I've got a dragon and I'm not afraid to use it! I'm a donkey on the edge!

==Princess Fiona==
* Hey, wait! What are you doing?
* Stop it. Stop it, both of you! Y'know, you're just jealous that you could never measure up to a great ruler like Lord Farquaad.
* Yes. But, I don't understand. I'm supposed to be beautiful.

==Lord Maximus Farquaad==
* ''[his first words]'' That's enough! He's ready to talk.
* &quot;Run, run, run as fast as you can! You can't catch me! I'm the Gingerbread Man!&quot;.
* Evening. Mirror, mirror, on the wall, is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all?
* Indeed. Knights, new plan! The one who kills the ogre will be named champion! Have at him!
* ''[his last words]'' ...I'll have you locked back in that tower, FOR THE REST OF YOUR DAYS! I AM KING! ''[Shrek whistles for Dragon.]'' I WILL HAVE ORDER! I WILL HAVE PERFECTION! I WILL HAVE--!

==Others==
* '''Peter Pan''': He can fly!
* '''Big Bad Wolf''': What?
* '''Thelonious''': Three! Pick number three, my lord!
* '''Wrestling Fan''': The chair! Give him the chair!
* '''Monsieur Hood''': Please, monster! Can't you see I'm a little busy?

==Dialogue==
:'''Shrek''': ''[first lines; narrates his storybook]'' Once upon a time, there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort, which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep, in the highest room of the tallest tower, for her true love, and true love's first kiss. ''[laughs]'' Like that's ever gonna happen! What a load of... ''[toilet flushes]''
:''[Steve Harwell music playing a song [[w:All Star (song)|All Star]]]''
:'''Steve Harwell''': ''[singing]'' Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me / I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed / She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb / In the shape of an &quot;L&quot; on her forehead...| Well, the years start comin' and they don't stop comin' / Fed to the rules and I hit the ground runnin' / Didn't make sense not to live for fun / Your brain gets smart, but your head gets dumb / So much to do, so much to see / So, what's wrong with taking the backstreets? / You'll never know if you don't go, go / You'll never shine if you don't glow...| Hey now, you're an all-star / Get your game on, go play / Hey now, you're a rock star / Get the show on, get paid / And all that glitters is gold / Only shootin' stars break the mold...| It's a cool place, and they say it gets colder / You're bundled up now, wait 'til you get older / But the meteor men beg to differ / Judging by the hole in the satellite picture / The ice we skate is gettin' pretty thin / The water's gettin' warm, so you might as well swim / My world's on fire, how 'bout yours? / That's the way I like it, and I'll never get bored...| Hey now, you're an all-star / Get your game on, go play / Hey now, you're a rock star / Get the show on, get paid / All that glitters is gold / Only shootin' stars break the mold.
:''[Shrek strikes a match and burps like a fire in the chimney]''
:'''Villagers''': Go! Go!
:'''Voice''': Go for the moon / Go, go, go, go for the moon / Go, go, go, go for the moon / Go, go, go for the moon.
:'''Steve Harwell''': ''[singing]'' Hey now, you're an all-star / Get your game on, go play / Hey now, you're a rock star / Get the show on, get paid / And all that glitters is gold / Only shooting stars...| Somebody once asked, &quot;Could I spare some change for gas? / I need to get myself away from this place&quot; / I said, &quot;Yep, what a concept, I could use a little fuel myself / And we could all use a little change&quot;...| Well, the years start comin' and they don't stop comin' / Fed to the rules and I hit the ground runnin' / Didn't make sense not to live for fun / Your brain gets smart, but your head gets dumb / So much to do, so much to see / So, what's wrong with taking the backstreets? / You'll never know if you don't go, go! / You'll never shine if you don't glow...| Hey now, you're an all-star / Get your game on, go play / Hey now, you're a rock star / Get the show on, get paid / And all that glitters is gold / Only shootin' stars break the mold...| Only shootin' stars break the mold / Go for the moon / Go for the moon / Go for the moon / This is how we do it... ''[song fades]''
:''[After Shrek follows Villagers. The angry mob stops. Warily they part the bushes in front of them and we see that they are right outside Shrek's house. One steps forward determinedly]''
:'''Villager''': ''[sotto]'' I think it's in there?
:'''Villager Chris''': ''[sotto; intense]'' All right, '''LET'S GET IT!''' ''[Another villager looks alarmed and reaches out, grabbing the first and stopped him]''
:'''Villager James''': Whoa, hold on! Do you know what that thing could do to you? ''[A third villager pipes in]''
:'''Villager Mike''': ''[forboding]'' Yeah, it'll grind your bones for its bread!
:''[The other villagers all stare at him bewildered]''
:'''Shrek''': ''[brightly, laughing]'' Yes. ''[exposes himself]'' Well, actually, that would be a giant. Now, ogres... oh, they're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin!
:'''Villagers''': No!
:'''Shrek''': They'll shave your liver, squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's quite good on toast.
:'''Villager James''': ''[waves his torches in front of Shrek]'' BACK! BACK, BEAST! BACK! I WARN YA! ''[Shrek calmly licks his fingers and extinguishes the torch like a match; he smiles nervously]'' Right. ''[Shrek huge long roars. Simultaneously the villagers screws their eyes closed and screams for all they're worth. The villagers huge longest screams to kill. Their screams outlasts Shrek's roars and Shrek pounders them for a moments]''
:'''Shrek''': ''[whispers]'' This is the part, where you run away. ''[the villagers do so; laughs]'' And stay out! ''[looks down at a sign]'' Wanted. Fairy tale creatures. ''[sighs]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Guard #1''': All right. This one's full. Take it away!
:'''Dwarfs''': He ho hi he, dwarf prisoners are we... He ho hi he, dwarf prisoners are we.
:'''Guard #2''': Move it along. Come on! Get up!
:'''Captain of the Guard''': ''[his first words]'' Next! ''[Guard grabs her broom]''
:'''Guard #2''': Give me that! Your flying days are over.
:'''Captain of the Guard''': That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next!
:'''Man''': Get up! Come on!
:'''Villager''': 20 pieces. ''[As the villager passes out]''
:'''Guard''': Sit down there! Keep quiet!
:'''Baby Bear''': ''[sadly]'' This cage is too small. ''[Donkey turns around to the old lady holds his rope]''
:'''Donkey''': Please don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please! Give me another chance!
:'''Old Lady''': Oh, shut up.
:'''Donkey''': Oh!
:'''Captain of the Guard''': Next! ''[Geppetto steps forward and Pinocchio down on the table]''
:'''Captain of the Guard''': What have you got?
:'''Geppetto''': This little wooden puppet.
:'''Pinocchio''': I'm not a puppet, I'm a real boy! ''[The puppet begins vibrating, and then nose shoots out to five times]''
:'''Captain of the Guard''': Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away.
:'''Pinocchio''': Father, please! Don't let them do this! Help me!
:'''Captain of the Guard''': Next! What've you got?
:''[The old lady drags the stubborn Donkey up to the table]''
:'''Old Lady''': Well, I've got a talking donkey.
:'''Captain of the Guard''': ''[looks up from his ledger]'' Right. Well, that's good for ten shillings, if you can prove it.
:''[Donkey swallows hard and looks at the old lady. The old lady untied the rope on his Donkey]''
:'''Old Lady''': Oh, go ahead, little fella.
:''[Donkey looks at the old lady, then to the Captain. The Captain looks back at Donkey, and lifts the eyebrow]''
:'''Captain of the Guard''': Well?
:''[Donkey looks back at the Captain says nothing. The old lady to sweat]''
:'''Old Lady''': Oh, oh, he's just... He's just a little nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt...
:'''Captain of the Guard''': That's it. I've heard enough. Guards!
:'''Old Lady''': ''[moves Donkey's lips]'' No, no, he talks! He does. I can talk. I love to talk! I'm the talkin'est damn thing you ever saw.
:'''Captain of the Guard''': ''[annoyed]'' Get her outta my sight.
:''[The guards advance on the old lady and takes her off screaming]''
:'''Old Lady''': No, no! I swear! Oh! He can talk! ''[As she struggles, the old lady accidentally kicks the caged pixie from the boy's hand. The cage goes flying through the air. It lands on Donkey's head, exploding pixie dust all over him. Donkey shocked]''
:'''Donkey''': Hey, I can fly!
:'''Peter Pan''': He can fly!
:'''3 Pigs''': He can fly!
:'''Captain of the Guard''': He can talk!
:'''Donkey''': Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey. You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a super fly, but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha! Uh-oh.
:''[Donkey falls down on the ground]''
:'''Captain of the Guard''': Seize him! After him! He's getting away!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After Shrek scares the guards off; Donkey is meeting Shrek, while following him.]''
:'''Donkey''': Can I say something to you? Listen, you was really, really, really somethin' back here. Incredible!
:'''Shrek''': Are you talking to... ''[turns around and Donkey is gone]'' me? ''[turns back around, Donkey shows up]'' Whoa!
:'''Donkey''': Yes, I was talking to you. Can I tell you that you that you was great back there? Man those guards! They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up and bam! They was tripping over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that.
:'''Shrek''': ''[annoyed]'' That's great. Really.
:'''Donkey''': Man, it's good to be free.
:'''Shrek''': Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? Hmm? ''[walks off]''
:'''Donkey''': But, uh, I don't have any friends. And I'm not goin' out there by myself. ''[catches up to Shrek]'' Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you. You're a mean, green, fighting machine. Together we'll scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us. ''[Shrek exhales while turning around and roars at him]'' Oh, wow! That was really scary. If you don't mind me saying, if that don't work, your breath certainly will get the job done, 'cause you definitely need some [[w:Tic Tac|Tic Tacs]] or something, 'cause your breath stinks! ''[As Shrek continues walking off, annoyed. He shows up from the tree branch, blocking Shrek's way.]'' Man, you almost burned the hair outta my nose, just like the time... ''[Shrek covers his mouth, but he is still talking, he removes his hand]'' ...then I ate some rotten berries. I had strong gases leaking out of my butt that day.
:'''Shrek''': WHY...are you following me?!
:'''Donkey''': I'll tell you why. ''[sings]'' 'Cause I'm all alone / There's no one here beside me / My problems have all gone / There's no one to deride me! / But ya gotta have friends!
:'''Shrek''': Stop singing! ''[picks up Donkey by his ears and tail]'' Well, it's no wonder you don't have any friends.
:'''Donkey''': Wow! Only a true friend would be that truly honest.
:'''Shrek''': Listen, little donkey. Take a look at me, what am I?
:'''Donkey''': Uh... ''[looks Shrek up and down]'' Really tall?
:'''Shrek''': No! I'm an ogre! You know, &quot;Grab your torch and pitchforks!&quot; Doesn't that bother you?
:'''Donkey''': ''[shakes his head happily]'' Nope.
:'''Shrek''': ''[surprised]'' Really?
:'''Donkey''': Really, really.
:'''Shrek''': Oh.  
:'''Donkey''': Man, I like you. What's your name?
:'''Shrek''': Uh... Shrek. ''[continues walking]''
:'''Donkey''': &quot;Shrek&quot;? Well, you know what I like about you, Shrek? You got that kind of I-don't-care what-nobody-thinks-of-me thing. I like that. I respect that. You all right. ''[he and Shrek finds his home]'' Woo, look at that. Who'd want to live in a place like that?
:'''Shrek''': That would be home.
:'''Donkey''': And it is lovely! Just beautiful. You know, you are quite a decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. ''[looks at the rock nearby]'' I like that boulder. That is a ''nice'' boulder.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Donkey''': ''[eyes the KEEP OUT signs surrounding Shrek's home]'' I guess you don't, uh, entertain much, do you?
:'''Shrek''': I like my privacy.
:'''Donkey''': You know, I do too! That's another thing we have in common. Like I hate it when you've got someone in your face, you try to give 'em a hint, they won't leave, and then there's that big awkward silence, you know... ''[silence ensues]'' ...Can I stay with you?
:'''Shrek''': Uh, ''what?''
:'''Donkey''': Can I stay with you... please?
:'''Shrek''': Of course!
:'''Donkey''': Really?
:'''Shrek''': No.
:'''Donkey''': Please! I don't wanna go back there! You don't know what it's like to be considered a freak! ''[slight pauses out; Shrek gives Donkey a look]'' Well, maybe you do. But that's why we gotta stick together! You gotta let me stay! Please, please!
:'''Shrek''': Okay! Okay. But one night only.
:'''Donkey''': Ah, thank you! ''[Shrek opens his door, Donkey charges into the hovel]''
:'''Shrek''': Ah! What are you... No, no, no!
:'''Donkey''': This is gonna be fun. We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories, and in the mornin', ''[pauses out for a few 2nds]'' I'm makin' waffles!
:'''Shrek''': Ohh!
:'''Donkey''': Where do, uh, I sleep?
:'''Shrek''': ''Outside!''
:'''Donkey''': Oh, ah, I guess that's cool. I mean, I don't know you, and you don't know me, so I guess outside is best, you know. ''[sniffs]'' Here I go. Good night. ''[sighs]'' ''[Shrek slamshuts the door]''
:'''Donkey''': I mean, I do like the outdoors. I'm a donkey. I was born outside. I'll just be sitting by myself outside, I guess, you know. Sit by myself, outside. ''[singing]'' I'm all alone, ''['''Shrek''': Donkey, be quiet!]'' there's no one here beside me. ''[to Shrek]'' Oh, sorry. ''[Donkey walks from outside, Shrek goes to the house]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[At dinner]''
:'''Shrek''': I thought I told you to stay outside.
:'''Donkey''': I am outside.
:''[Shrek hears skittering. He spins to look and he whips around to see Three Blind Mice stumbling around on his dinner table]''
:'''Mouse #1''': Well, gents, it's a far cry from the farm, but what choice do we have?
:'''Mouse #2''': Well, it's not home, but it'll do just fine.
:''[Shrek starts toward the table. Mouse 3 walks up to Shrek's ear wax candle. Mouse 1 bounces on Shrek's squid]''
:'''Mouse #3''': What a lovely bed!
:'''Shrek''': Gotcha!
:'''Mouse #3''': I've found some cheese!
:''[Mouse 3 takes a bite of the ear wax candle and spits it out]''
:'''Shrek''': Ow!
:'''Mouse #3''': Blah! Awful stuff.
:'''Mouse #2''': Is that you Gorder?!
:'''Mouse #3''': How did you know? 
:'''Shrek''': Enough! What are you doing in my house? Hey! Oh, no, no, no, no! Get your off the table. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[A masked man named Thelonious is torturing the Gingerbread Man. He's continually dunking him in a glass of milk. A prince named Lord Farquaad puts his gloves on and walks in]''
:'''Gingerbread Man''': ''[Off-screen]'' No! ''[makes mumbling noises when trying to talk in the milk]''
:'''Lord Farquaad''': ''[his first words]'' That's enough! He's ready to talk. ''[puts him down; Farquaad laughs, then signals for the table to lower]'' Run, run, run, as you fast as you can. You can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Man!
:'''Gingerbread Man''': You're a monster.
:'''Lord Farquaad''': I'm not the monster here. You are. You and the rest of that fairy tale trash, poisoning my perfect world. Now, tell me! Where are the others?!
:'''Gingerbread Man''': Eat me! ''[spits at Farquaad]''
:'''Lord Farquaad''': ''[grunts]'' I've tried to be fair with you creatures, but now my patience has reached its end! Tell me, or I'll--
:''[Farquaad reaches to pull off one of Gingerbread Man's buttons]''
:'''Gingerbread Man''': No! Not the buttons! Not my gumdrop buttons!
:'''Lord Farquaad''': All right, then, who's hiding them?!
:'''Gingerbread Man''': Okay! I'll tell you. Do you know the muffin man?
:'''Lord Farquaad''': The muffin man?
:'''Gingerbread Man''': The muffin man.
:'''Lord Farquaad''': Yes. I know the muffin man. Who-who lives on Drury Lane?
:'''Gingerbread Man''': Well, she's married to the muffin man.
:'''Lord Farquaad''': The muffin man?!
:'''Gingerbread Man''': THE MUFFIN MAN!
:'''Lord Farquaad''': She's married to the muffin man.
:'''Captain of the Guard''': ''[his last words]'' My lord! We found it.
:'''Lord Farquaad''': Well, then what are you waiting for? Bring it in. ''[Guards hang a shrouded figure from a chain. They pull the cover off, revealing an ornate, full-sized mirror. A terrified face appears in the mirror]''
:'''Gingerbread Man''': Ohhh...
:'''Lord Farquaad''': Magic Mirror.
:'''Gingerbread Man''': Don't tell him anything! ''[Farquaad drops him in the trash can]'' No!
:'''Lord Farquaad''': Evening. Mirror, mirror, on the wall, is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all?
:'''Magic Mirror''': Well, technically, you're not a king.
:'''Lord Farquaad''': Uh, Thelonious? ''[Thelonious the executioner smashes a small looking glass]'' You were saying?
:'''Magic Mirror''': ''[nervous]'' What I mean is, you're not a king '''''yet!''''' But you can become one! All you have to do is marry a princess.
:'''Lord Farquaad''': Go on.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Shrek and Donkey are now walking through the sunflower fields heading away from Duloc. Shrek is munching on an onion as he makes a mess in the fields]''
:'''Donkey''': Okay, so let me get this straight. You're gonna go fight a dragon and rescue a princess just so Farquaad will give you back a swamp which you only don't have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place. Is that about right?
:'''Shrek''': You know, maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldn't talk.
:'''Donkey''': I don't get it. Why don't you just pull some of that ogre stuff on him? Throttle him, lay siege to his fortress, grinds his bones to make your bread, the whole ogre trip.
:'''Shrek''': Oh, I know what. Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village and put their heads on a pike, gotten a knife, cut open their spleen and drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you?
:'''Donkey''': Uh, no, not really, no.
:'''Shrek''': For your information, there's a lot more to ogres than people think.
:'''Donkey''': Example?
:'''Shrek''': Example? Okay, um, ogres are like onions. ''[he holds out his onion]''
:'''Donkey''': ''[sniffs the onion]'' They stink?
:'''Shrek''': Yes - - No!
:'''Donkey''': Or they make you cry?
:'''Shrek''': No!
:'''Donkey''': Oh, you leave them in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little white hairs.
:'''Shrek''': No! Layers! Onions have layers. Ogres have layers! Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers. ''[he throws away the onion and walks off]''
:'''Donkey''': Oh, you both have layers. Oh. ''[sniffs]'' You know, not everybody likes onions. Cake! ''[trailing after Shrek]'' Everybody loves cakes! Cakes have layers.
:'''Shrek''': I don't care... what everyone likes. Ogres are not like cakes. ''[walks passed Donkey]''
:'''Donkey''': You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a person, you say, &quot;Let's get some parfait,&quot; they say, &quot;Hell no, I don't like no parfaits&quot;? Parfaits are delicious.
:'''Shrek''': ''[yelling angrily; and losing patience]'' NO! You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! Ogres are like onions! End of story. Bye-bye. ''[whispers]'' See you later.
:'''Donkey''': Parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet.
:'''Shrek''': You know, I think I preferred your humming.
:'''Donkey''': Do you have a tissue or something? I'm making a mess. Just the word parfait makes me start slobbering.
:''[They head off. There is a montage of their journey. Walking through a field at sunset. Sleeping beneath a bright moon. Shrek burns his foot trying to stomp out the campfire, so Donkey urinates on the fire to put it out. They arrive at the outskirts of a giant volcano and begin to make their way up]''
:'''Donkey''': ''[sniffs]'' Whew! Shrek! Did you do that? You gotta warn somebody before you just crack one off. My mouth was open and everything.
:'''Shrek''': Believe me, Donkey, if it was me, you'd be dead. (sniffs) It's brimstone. We must be getting close.
:'''Donkey''': Yeah, right, brimstone. Don't be talking about it's the brimstone. I know what I smell. It wasn't no brimstone. It didn't come off no stone neither.
:''[They reach the top of the climb and hoist themselves up and over the ridge]
:''[Shrek and Donkey gaze out into the crater. The Dragon's Keep towered before them, a dilapidated castle, burned and blackened. Perched on a rock pinnacle, it was surrounded by a terrifying lake of molten lava. A single light shines in the window of the tallest tower. Dark clouds block out the blue sky above them. Thunder strikes and crows circling the castle can be heard. It's all very ominous like '''[[w:Sleeping Beauty (1959 film)|Sleeping Beauty]]'''.]''
:'''Shrek''': Sure, it's big enough, but look at the location. ''[laughs]''
:''[Shrek jumps over and approaches the bridge, with Donkey joining in behind him]''
:'''Donkey''': ''[chuckles along nervously]'' Uh, Shrek? Uh, remember when you said that ogres have layers?
:'''Shrek''': Oh, aye.
:'''Donkey''': Well, I have a bit of a confession to make (gasps, seeing the skeleton of a horse). Donkeys don't have layers. We wear our fear right out there on our sleeves.
:'''Shrek''': Wait a second. Donkeys don't have sleeves.
:'''Donkey''': You know what I mean.
:'''Shrek''': Oh, you can't tell me you're afraid of heights.
:'''Donkey''': No, I'm just a little uncomfortable about being on a rickety bridge over a boiling lake of lava!
:'''Shrek''': Come on, Donkey. I'm right here beside ya, okay? For emotional support. We'll just tackle this thing together one little baby step at a time.
:'''Donkey''': Really?
:'''Shrek''': Really, really.
:'''Donkey''': Okay, that makes me feel so much better.
:'''Shrek''': Just keep moving. And don't look down.
:'''Donkey''': ''[nervously to himself]'' Okay, don't look down. Don't look down. Don't look down. Keep on moving. Don't look down.
:''[Donkey accidentally steps through a rotting board, which falls down into the fiery lava below]''
:'''Donkey''': Shrek! I'm lookin' down! ''[screams]'' Oh, God, I can't do this! Just let me off, please!
:'''Shrek''': But you're already halfway.
:'''Donkey''': But I know that half is safe!
:'''Shrek''': Okay, fine. I don't have time for this. You go back.
:''[Shrek tries to press on while Donkey tries to make his way back under Shrek]''
:'''Donkey''': Shrek, no! Wait!
:'''Shrek''': Just, Donkey - - Let's have a dance then, shall we? ''[bounces and sways the bridge]''
:'''Donkey''': Don't do that!
:'''Shrek''': Oh, I'm sorry. Do what? Oh, this? ''[bounces the bridge again]''
:'''Donkey''': Yes, that!
:'''Shrek''': Yes? Yes, do it. Okay. ''[continues to bounce and sway as he backs Donkey across the bridge]''
:'''Donkey''': No, Shrek! No! Stop it!
:'''Shrek''': You said do it! I'm doing it.
:'''Donkey''': I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Shrek, I'm gonna die. ''[steps onto solid ground]'' Oh!
:'''Shrek''': That'll do, Donkey. That'll do. ''[walks toward the castle]''
:'''Donkey''': Cool. So where is this fire-breathing pain-in-the-neck anyway?
:'''Shrek''': Inside, waiting for us to rescue her. ''[chuckles]''
:'''Donkey''': I was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek.
:''[The pair start making their way through the hallways of the dragon's dark and spooky keep. Shrek is wary, while Donkey is downright terrified. Only an occasional torch lights the way. The passages are littered with bones, armor, and weapons, presumably belonging to the many unsuccessful knights who tried to rescue the princess like a '''[[w:Virtual Hydlide|Virtual Hydlide]]''', '''[[w:The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past|The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past]]''' and '''[[w:Shining Wisdom|Shining Wisdom]]'''.]''
:'''Donkey''': ''[whispers nervously]'' You afraid?
:'''Shrek''': No. But.... ''[shushes Donkey in the fear of awakening the dragon]''
:'''Donkey''': ''[sighs]'' Oh, good. Me neither. ''[gets spooked and gasps]'' 'Cause there's nothing wrong with being afraid. Fear's a sensible response to an unfamiliar situation. Unfamiliar dangerous situation, I might add. With a dragon that breathes fire and eats knights and breathes fire. It sure doesn't mean you're a coward if you're a little scared. I sure as heck ain't no coward. I know that.
:''[Donkey crashes into a pile of knight remains, knocking over a skeleton whose helmet lands on Donkey's head. The skeleton head falls off and Donkey gasps]''
:'''Shrek''': Donkey, 2 things, okay? Shut. Up. Now go over there and see if you can find any stairs (grabs the helmet and puts it on)
:'''Donkey''': Stairs? I thought we was looking for the princess.
:'''Shrek''': ''[picking up pieces of armor]'' The princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower.
:'''Donkey''': What makes you think she'll be there?
:'''Shrek''': I read it in a book once. ''[walks off]''
:'''Donkey''': Cool. You handle the dragon. I'll handle the stairs. I'll find those stairs. I'll whip their butt too. Those stairs won't know which way they're going.
:''[Shrek, now disguised as a knight in shining armor walks off further into the castle. Donkey wanders off in the opposite direction, still talking to himself, and pushes his way through a giant set of doors]''
:'''Donkey''': I'm gonna take drastic steps. Kick it to the curb. Don't mess with me. I'm the stair master. I've mastered the stairs. I wish I had a step right here. I'd step all over it.
:''[Behind a broken wall, a giant eye opens to see an unaware Donkey. Elsewhere, Shrek spots a light in the window of a tower]''
:'''Shrek''': Well, at least we know where the princess is. But where's the...
:'''Donkey''': DRAGON!!!!!!
:''[Donkey screams and takes off running, narrowly dodging the dragon's fiery breath. The dragon chases after Donkey, stomping on the pile of knight remains in her way. Shrek turns around to see Donkey barreling toward him with the dragon close behind him]''
:'''Shrek''': Donkey, look out!
:''[Shrek manages to grab Donkey out of the way just as the dragon breathes another fireball. Donkey drops to the floor to avoid another fireball, which manages to singe the tuft of his tail. The dragon is just about to eat Donkey when Shrek grabs ahold of her tail]''
:'''Shrek''': Got ya!
:''[The dragon begins to swing her tail back and forth with Shrek still holding on, then launches him into the air. Shrek crashes through the roof of the tallest tower and into Fiona's room. Fiona wakes up and looks at him lying on the floor unconscious. The dragon now focuses her attention on Donkey, breathing fire at him and forcing him onto a stone bridge. The dragon knocks down portions of the bridge until Donkey is left staying on a lone pillar]''
:'''Donkey''': No. Oh, no, No! ''[the dragon growls]'' Oh, what large teeth you have! ''[the dragon roars]'' I mean white, sparkling teeth!
:''[The dragon pauses, looks at him inquisitively, and then smiles. Donkey might just flatter his way out of becoming dragon food)
:'''Donkey''': I know you probably hear this all time from your food, but you must bleach, 'cause that is one dazzling smile you got there. Do I detect a hint of minty freshness?
:''[The dragon appears to be flattered by Donkey's compliments]''
:'''Donkey''': And you know what else? You know what else? You're-- You're--
:''[The dragon leans forward and gazes at Donkey, revealing its long eyelashes and lipsticked mouth. Suddenly it was all clear to Donkey]''
:'''Donkey''': --a girl dragon! Oh, sure! I mean, of course you're a girl dragon. You're just reeking of feminine beauty. ''[The dragon flutters her eyes at him]'' What's the matter with you? You got something in your eye?
:''[Dragon blows a heart-shaped smoke ring at Donkey]''
:'''Donkey''': Ohh. Oh. Oh. Man, I'd really love to stay, but you know, I'm, uh... ''[coughs]'' I'm an asthmatic, and I don't know if it'd work out if you're gonna blow smoke rings and stuff. Shrek!
:''[Dragon picks him up by the tail in her mouth and happily carries him off]''
:'''Donkey''': No! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!
:''[Shrek groans as he regains consciousness. His back is to a Princess Fiona, laying upright on the bed near the window. Though a bit startled, she is ecstatic to see her knight-in-shining armor. She straightens her dress, lays back down, and then quickly reaches over for bouquet of flowers off the side table. She lays back down and pretends to be asleep, clutching the bouquet to her breast. Shrek turns, takes note of the princess and walks across the room over to her. He bends down over to Fiona and she puckers her lips. Shrek takes her by the shoulders and forcefully shakes her]''
:'''Princess Fiona''': Wha...Wha...
:'''Shrek''': Wake up!
:'''Princess Fiona''': What?!
:'''Shrek''': Are you Princess Fiona?
:'''Princess Fiona''': I am... ''[smiling]'' awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me.
:'''Shrek''': Ah, that's nice. Now let's go!
:''[Shrek turns to leave and Fiona quickly sits upright]''
:'''Princess Fiona''': But wait, Sir Knight! This be-ith our first meeting. Should it not be a wonderful, romantic moment?
:''[she tosses the bouquet and lays back down, swooning]''
:'''Shrek''': Yeah, sorry, lady. There's no time.
:''[Shrek walks back, yanks Fiona's arm. and hauls her out of bed and toward the door]''
:'''Princess Fiona''': Hey, wait. What are you doing? You know, you should sweep me off my feet out yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed.
:''[Shrek yanks on the door handle only for it to snap off]''
:'''Shrek''': You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you?
:'''Princess Fiona''': Mm-hmm. ''[screams as Shrek suddenly smashes the door down with his shoulder, still holding onto her arm. He rushes down the tower's staircase in tow and grabs a torch]'' But we have to savor this moment! You could recite an epic poem for me.
:''[Shrek and Fiona cross the bridge connecting the tallest tower to the rest of the castle]''
:'''Princess Fiona''': A ballad? A sonnet! A limerick? Or something!
:''[Fiona pulls her arm from Shrek's grip. They stop for a moment as Shrek figures out which direction to go]''
:'''Shrek''': I don't think so.
:'''Princess Fiona''': Well, can I at least know the name of my champion?
:'''Shrek''': Uh, Shrek.
:'''Princess Fiona''': Sir Shrek. ''[she smiles, clears her throat, and holds out a handkerchief]'' I pray that you take this favor as a token of my gratitude.
:'''Shrek''': Thanks!
:''[Shrek regards the handkerchief curiously and wipes his sooty face with it, blackening it. He hands it back to an appalled Fiona, but before she can react, they are startled by the dragon's roar as she drops it to the floor]''
:'''Princess Fiona''': You didn't slay the dragon?!
:'''Shrek''': It's on my to-do list, now come on!
:''[Shrek grabs Fiona once again and takes off running toward the direction of the dragon's roar]'
:'''Princess Fiona''': But this isn't right! You were meant to charge in, sword drawn, banner flying. That's what all the other knights did!
:'''Shrek''': Yeah, right before they burst into flames!
:''[He gestures at the skeleton of a knight laying against the wall, a charred outline of a man burned into the stone behind it]''
:'''Princess Fiona''': That's not the point! Ugh!
:''[Fiona pulls her arm free from Shrek and stops running. Shrek pauses to look around and heads for a set of wooden doors]''
:'''Princess Fiona''': Wait, where are you going? The exit's over there!
:''[she points her arm to her left and Shrek turns around]''
:'''Shrek''': Well, I have to save my ass.
:'''Princess Fiona''': What kind of knight are you?
:'''Shrek''': One of a kind.
:''[Shrek quietly pushes open the doors, stepping out onto a balcony of large spacious room. In the center of the room, Dragon has Donkey wrapped up on her tail. Dragon sits on a floor littered with a horde of gold coins and jewels]''
:'''Donkey''': Slow down. Slow down, baby, please. Look I believe it's healthy to get to know someone over a long period of time. Just, just call me old-fashioned. I don't want to rush into a... a physical relationship. I'm not...not emotionally ready for a commitment of, uh, this, uh - - &quot;magnitude&quot; really is the word I'm looking for. Magnitude.
:''[Dragon gently caresses Donkey with a single claw]''
:'''Donkey''': Hey, that is unwanted physical contact. Hey, what are you doing?
:''[Dragon looks up at the chandelier hanging above them and gently lights its candles with her fire breath]''
:'''Donkey''': Okay, okay. Let's just back up a little and take this one step at a time. I mean we really should get to know each other first, you know, as friends or maybe even pen pals. Y'know cause I'm on the road a lot, but I just love receiving cards to read --
:''[Shrek jumps off the balcony, grabbing a chain connected to the chandelier. The chain does not hang low enough for him to be able to grab Donkey and sends him swinging over Dragon. The chain swings back and ends up dangling him above her]''
:'''Donkey''': Oh y'know I'd, I'd really love to stay, but --
:''[Dragon tugs at Donkey's tail with her mouth]''
:'''Donkey''': Hey. hey don't do that! That's my tail! That's my personal tail. You're gonna tear it off. I don't give permission to-- hey! What are you gonna do with that?
:''[Dragon purses her lips and gets ready to kiss Donkey. Shrek looks up and spots that the chain is jammed above him. He starts shaking it to try and relapse it from the pulley. Suddenly the pulley comes loose and Shrek starts falling]''
:'''Donkey''': Hey, now. No way. No! No! No, no! No. No, no, no. No! Oh!
:''[Shrek lands on Donkey and bumps him out of Dragon's grasp just as she is about to kiss him, and now instead kisses Shrek's butt. She opens her eyes and roars. Shrek lets go of the chain and the chandelier falls onto her head, which acts as a collar around her neck. She roars again and Shrek and Donkey take off running. They dodge a blast of fire from Dragon. Shrek grabs Donkey in one arm and then grabs Princess Fiona, who has wandered into the room, with the other arm as he runs past her]''
:'''Donkey''': Hi, Princess!
:'''Princess Fiona''': It talks!
:'''Shrek''': Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's the trick.
:''[They all gasp as Shrek suddenly stops, having reached the end of the balcony Shrek spots a fallen column that has formed a sort of slide. He jumps on it just as Dragon tries to bite them and slides down it. Unfortunately there is a crack in the stone, which hits Shrek right in the crotch. His eyes cross and as he reaches the bottom of the slide, he groans and stumbles off. Dragon chases after them, the chain of the chandelier still unraveling. They are chased by Dragon through a large hall, her chain looping itself around multiple stone pillars as Shrek zigzags around them. Dragon ends up in front of them and breathes fire. Shrek dodges the fire and runs away, leaping over several rows of chains. He comes to a halt]''
:'''Shrek''': Okay, you 2, head for the exit! ''[setting down Donkey and Fiona]'' I'll take care of the dragon.
:''[Shrek grabs a sword lodged in the floor and sticks it through a link in the chain and deep into the floor. Shrek catches up with Donkey and Fiona, who are waiting near the exit]''
:'''Shrek''': Run!
:''[They sprint as fast as they can out of the castle and onto the rickety bridge as Dragon breathes a huge fireball behind them. As they reach the middle of the bridge the fire burns the bridge, which snaps in half. They hang onto the bridge as they are swung to the other side. Donkey, unable to grab on, falls off but Shrek catches him by the leg. Fiona screams in horror as Dragon flies over the boiling lava to get them. Suddenly the chandelier pulls Dragon back, the sword having lodged itself into a stone column and getting the chain stuck. The group quickly climbs up to safety. Dragon lets out a defeated roar, then gives a sad whimper]''

==''Shrek in the Swamp Karaoke Dance Party''==
:'''Shrek''': Hi everybody, and welcome to the Shrek in the Swamp Karaoke Dance Party. ''[turns on the radio]'' I'm gonna take things down a little bit with one of my personal favorites.

==See also==
* ''[[Shrek 2]]''
* ''[[Shrek the Third|Shrek 3]]''
* ''[[Shrek Forever After|Shrek 4]]''
* ''[[Puss in Boots (2011 film)|Puss in Boots]]''
* ''[[Puss in Boots: The Last Wish|Puss in Boots 2]]''
* ''[[w:Shrek (franchise)|Shrek 5]]''
* ''[[w:Shrek (franchise)|Donkey]]''
* ''[[w:Shrek (franchise)|Puss in Boots 3]]''

==Taglines==
* The greatest fairy tale never told.
* The Prince isn't charming. The Princess isn't sleeping. The sidekick isn't helping. The ogre is the hero. Fairy tales will never be the same again.

==Voice Cast==
* '''[[w:Mike Myers|Mike Myers]]''' — [[w:Shrek (character)|Shrek]], Blind Mouse #2
* '''[[Eddie Murphy]]''' — [[w:Donkey (Shrek)|Donkey]]
* '''[[Cameron Diaz]]''' — [[w:Princess Fiona|Princess Fiona]]
* '''[[w:John Lithgow|John Lithgow]]''' — [[w:Lord Farquaad|Lord Farquaad]]
* '''[[w:Vincent Cassel|Vincent Cassel]]''' — Monsieur Robin Hood
* '''[[w:Peter Dennis|Peter Dennis]]'''&lt;br&gt;'''Clive Pearse''' — Ogre Hunters
* '''[[w:Jim Cummings|Jim Cummings]]''' — Captain of the Guards
* '''Bobby Block''' — Baby Bear
* '''[[w:Chris Miller (animator)|Chris Miller]]''' — Geppetto, Magic Mirror
* '''[[w:Cody Cameron|Cody Cameron]]''' — Pinocchio, Three Little Pigs
* '''[[w:Kathleen Freeman|Kathleen Freeman]]''' — Old Woman
* '''Michael Galasso''' — Peter Pan
* '''[[w:Christopher Knights|Christopher Knights]]''' — Blind Mouse #1, Thelonious
* '''[[w:Simon J. Smith|Simon J. Smith]]''' — Blind Mouse #3
* '''[[w:Conrad Vernon|Conrad Vernon]]''' — Gingerbread &quot;Gingy&quot; Man
* '''Jacquie Barnbrook''' — Wrestling Fan
* '''Guillaume Aretos'''&lt;br&gt;'''John Bisom'''&lt;br&gt;'''Matthew Gonder'''&lt;br&gt;'''Calvin Remsberg'''&lt;br&gt;'''[[w:Jean-Paul Vignon|Jean-Paul Vignon]]''' — Merry Men
* '''[[w:Val Bettin|Val Bettin]]''' — Bishop
* '''[[w:Aron Warner|Aron Warner]]''' — Big Bad Wolf (''uncredited'')
* '''[[Frank Welker]]''' — [[w:Dragon (Shrek)|Dragon]] (''uncredited'')
* '''[[w:Andrew Adamson|Andrew Adamson]]''' — Duloc Mascot, Ogre Hunter (''uncredited'')
* '''Sim Evan-Jones''' — Ogre Hunter (''uncredited'')
* '''[[w:Elisa Gabrielli|Elisa Gabrielli]]''' — Additional Voices (''uncredited'')

==External Links==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0126029|title=Shrek}}

{{Shrek}}
{{Authority control}}

[[Category:2001 animated films]]
[[Category:2001 American animated films]]
[[Category:American films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:Films based on novels]]
[[Category:Best Animated Feature Academy Award winners]]
[[Category:Shrek]]
[[Category:United States National Film Registry films]]
[[Category:Films about royalty]]
[[Category:Animated films set in castles]]
[[Category:Films set in the Middle Ages]]
[[Category:Animated films about dragons]]
[[Category:Animated buddy films]]
[[Category:Films about witchcraft]]
[[Category:2000s English-language films]]</text>
      <sha1>07ho62cdr8p3ra913mny3qt63vtqyin</sha1>
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  <page>
    <title>Donald Trump</title>
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    <id>2153</id>
    <revision>
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      <parentid>3942044</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-05-19T07:10:57Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Joreberg</username>
        <id>323041</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* December 2025 */ Twenty-eight thousand people die a year from a snake bite, a certain snake.  It’s a viper, right?</comment>
      <origin>3942617</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="620332" sha1="0ybsqq9c4b8yr4eixxc70qhsh0t1ra0" xml:space="preserve">&lt;!-- This is a controversial subject. Please note that Wikiquote is not censored. --&gt;
{{Too-long}}
[[File:Donald Trump official portrait.jpg|thumb|I don't do it for the [[money]]. I've got enough, much more than I'll ever need. I do it to do it. Deals are my art form.]]
'''[[w:Donald Trump|Donald John Trump]]''' (born [[June 14]], [[1946]]) is an American [[w:Political career of Donald Trump|politician]], [[w:Media career of Donald Trump|media personality]], and [[w:Business career of Donald Trump|businessman]] who is serving as the [[w:List of presidents of the United States|47th]] [[President of the United States|president]] of the [[United States|United States of America]] since January 20, 2025. He previously served as the 45th president from 2017 to 2021.

:See also:
::'''''[[Quotes about Donald Trump]]'''''
::'''''[[Donald Trump on social media]]'''''
::'''''[[First presidency of Donald Trump]]'''''
::'''''[[Second presidency of Donald Trump]]'''''
::'''''[[Racial views of Donald Trump]]'''''
::'''''[[Trumpism]]'''''
[[lv:Donalds Trumps]]

==Quotes==
[[File:Donald Trump by Gage Skidmore.jpg|thumb|I stand before you now as proof that you should never believe that something is impossible to do. In America, the impossible is what we do best... We will stand bravely, we will live proudly, we will dream boldly, and nothing will stand in our way because we are Americans.]][[File:January 2025 Official Presidential Portrait of Donald J. Trump.jpg|thumb| I believe it is God’s job to sit in judgment; my job, to defend America and to promote the fundamental interests of stability, prosperity, and peace. [https://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2025/05/trump-immoral-world-order/682826/ ]]][[File:Cabinet Meeting (49092290281).jpg|thumb| They let&amp;mdash;I think the real number is 15, 16 million people into our country. When they do that, we got a lot of work to do. They’re poisoning the blood of our country.[https://variety.com/2024/biz/news/donald-trump-god-rnc-nomination-1236077838/]|alt=File:Main-qimg-021d8d22e0438179020144bbb4821733.jpg]][[File:Shinzo Abe and Donald Trump playing golf.jpg|thumb| That's one of the nice things. I mean, part of the beauty of me is that I'm very rich. So if I need $600 million, I can put $600 million myself. That's a huge advantage. I must tell you, that's a huge advantage over the other candidates.[https://nypost.com/2024/07/25/us-news/trump-hopes-us-obliterates-iran-if-hes-assassinated-by-the-american-adversary/]]]
[[File:This was the President Donald Trump's first trip aboard Air Force One (cropped).jpg|thumb|I know the best people. To me, it's all about people. You got to have the right people. When we have the right people, it runs beautifully[https://www.foxnews.com/media/trump-tells-bronx-barbershop-what-he-would-do-differently-elected-second-time-its-all-about-people]]]
===1980s===
* '''Rona Barrett''': If you lost your fortune today, what would you do tomorrow?&lt;br&gt;'''Donald Trump''': Maybe I’d run for president.  I don’t know.  
** An [https://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-stat/graphics/politics/trump-archive/docs/rona-barrett-1980-interview-of-donald-trump.pdf interview] with [[w:Rona Barrett|Rona Barrett]] (1980)

* '''Rona Barrett''': Would you like to be the [[President of the United States]]?&lt;br&gt;'''Donald Trump''': I really don't believe I would, Rona. But I would like to see somebody as the president who could do the job, and there are very capable people in this country.&lt;br&gt;'''Barrett''': Why wouldn't you dedicate yourself to public service?&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': Because I think it's a very mean life. I would love, and I would dedicate my life to this country but I see it as being a mean life, and I also see it in somebody with strong views, and somebody with the kind of views that are maybe a little bit unpopular, which may be right, but may be unpopular, wouldn't necessarily have a chance of getting elected against somebody with no great brain but a big smile.
** An [https://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-stat/graphics/politics/trump-archive/docs/rona-barrett-1980-interview-of-donald-trump.pdf interview] with [[w:Rona Barrett|Rona Barrett]] (1980)

* '''Rona Barrett''': How would you like to be remembered?&lt;br&gt;'''Donald Trump''': Well, as somebody that’s contributed something to the United States and to the [[New York City|City of New York]], and to the various other places that I’m going, and somebody that’s done a little bit better than other people at what he does. 
** An [https://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-stat/graphics/politics/trump-archive/docs/rona-barrett-1980-interview-of-donald-trump.pdf interview] with [[w:Rona Barrett|Rona Barrett]] (1980)

* I said, 'I will build you this incredible, gorgeous, gleaming hotel. I will put people to work in the construction trades and save hotel [[jobs]] and the Grand Central area will come around.' So the city made the deal.
** {{citation
|title=The Empire and Ego of Donald Trump
|journal=The New York Times
|date=August 7, 1983
|first=Marilyn
|last=Bender
|url=http://www.nytimes.com/1983/08/07/business/the-empire-and-ego-of-donald-trump.html
}}

* &quot;Give them the old Trump bullshit,&quot; he told the architect Der Scutt before a presentation of the [[w:Trump Tower|Trump Tower]] design at a press conference in 1980. &quot;Tell them it is going to be a million square feet, sixty-eight stories.&quot;
** [[Marie Brenner]] &quot;After the Gold Rush&quot;, ''[[w:Vanity Fair (magazine)|Vanity Fair]]'' (September 1, 1990)

* Some people have an ability to [[negotiate]]. It's an [[art]] you're basically born with. You either have it or you don't.
* It would take an hour-and-a-half to learn everything there is to learn about missiles. I think I know most of it anyway. You're talking about just getting updated on a situation
** {{citation
|title=Donald Trump, Holding All The Cards The Tower! The Team! The Money! The Future!
|journal=Washington Post
|date=November 15, 1984
|first=Lois
|last=Romano
|url=https://www.washingtonpost.com/pb/archive/lifestyle/1984/11/15/donald-trump-holding-all-the-cards-the-tower-the-team-the-money-the-future/8be79254-7793-4812-a153-f2b88e81fa54/?resType=accessibility
}}, talking about his desire to be involved in negotiations with the then Soviet Union

* I have featured and will always continue to feature my name prominently in all my [[enterprises]].
**''[[w:Business Week|Business Week]]'' (July 22, 1985)

* I look at things for the art sake and the beauty sake and for the deal sake.
**''[[w:New York (magazine)|New York]]'' (July 11, 1988), p. 24

* I'm not big on [[compromise]]. I understand compromise. Sometimes compromise is the right answer, but oftentimes compromise is the equivalent of [[Failure|defeat]], and I don't like being defeated.
**''[[w:Life (magazine)|Life]]'', Vol. 12 (January 1989), p. iii

* [[Ed Koch|Mayor Koch]] has stated that hate and rancor should be removed from our hearts. I do not think so.
**[http://assets.nydailynews.com/polopoly_fs/1.1838466.1403324800!/img/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/article_970/trump21n-1-web.jpg &quot;Bring Back the Death Penalty. Bring Back Our Police!&quot;] An advert taken out by Trump in the [[w:New York Daily News|''New York Daily News'']] and other newspapers in the wake of the arrests of the [[wikipedia:Central Park jogger case|Central Park Five]] (whose convictions were eventually {{w|vacate}}d in 2002 after Matias Reyes confessed to the assault) (May 1, 1989)

* How can [[w:Society of the United States|our great society]] tolerate the continued brutalization of [[w:Citizenship of the United States|its citizens]] by crazed misfits? [[w:Crime in the United States|Criminals]] must be told that their [[w:Civil liberties in the United States|CIVIL LIBERTIES]] END WHEN AN ATTACK ON OUR SAFETY BEGINS!
**[http://assets.nydailynews.com/polopoly_fs/1.1838466.1403324800!/img/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/article_970/trump21n-1-web.jpg &quot;Bring Back the Death Penalty. Bring Back Our Police!&quot;] An advert taken out by Trump in the ''New York Daily News'' and other newspapers in the wake of the arrests of the [[wikipedia:Central Park jogger case|Central Park Five]] (whose convictions were eventually {{w|vacate}}d in 2002 after Matias Reyes confessed to the assault) (May 1, 1989)

* Let [[w:Politics of the United States|our politicians]] give back our [[w:New York City Police Department|police department]]'s power to keep us safe. Unshackle them from the constant chant of &quot;[[w:Police brutality in the United States|police brutality]]&quot; which every [[w:Misdemeanor|petty criminal]] hurls immediately at an officer who has just risked his or her life to save another's.
** [http://assets.nydailynews.com/polopoly_fs/1.1838466.1403324800!/img/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/article_970/trump21n-1-web.jpg &quot;Bring Back the Death Penalty. Bring Back Our Police!&quot;] An advert taken out by Trump in the New York Daily News and other newspapers in the wake of the arrests of the [[wikipedia:Central Park jogger case|Central Park Five]] (whose convictions were eventually {{w|vacate}}d in 2002 after Matias Reyes confessed to the assault) (May 1, 1989)

* Of course I hate these people and let's all hate these people because maybe hate is what we need if we're gonna get something done.
** In [http://www.cnn.com/2016/10/07/politics/trump-larry-king-central-park-five/index.html 1989 interview] with {{W|Larry King}}, about the [[wikipedia:Central Park jogger case|Central Park Five]] (whose convictions were later vacated)

* I like to hire people that I've seen in action. I often hire people that were on the opposing side of a deal that I respect.
**''[[w:The Washington Post|The Washington Post]]'' (September 23, 1989), as quoted in ''The World According to Trump'' (2005) by Ken Lawrence, p. 25

* I think if this country gets any kinder or gentler, it's literally going to cease to exist.
**''[[w:Playboy (magazine)|Playboy]]'' (March 1990)

====''[[w:Trump: The Art of the Deal|Trump: The Art of the Deal]]'' (1987)====
{{main|The Art of the Deal}}

* I don't do it for the money. I've got enough, much more than I'll ever need. I do it to do it. Deals are my art form.

* I like thinking big. I always have. To me it's very simple: if you're going to be thinking anyway, you might as well think big. Most people think small, because most people are afraid of success, afraid of making decisions, afraid of winning. And that gives people like me a great advantage.

* I'm a great believer in asking everyone for an opinion before I make a decision. ... I ask and I ask and I ask, until I begin to get a gut feeling about something. And that's when I make a decision. I have learned much more from conducting my own random surveys than I could ever have learned from the greatest of consulting firms.

* You can't con people, at least not for long. You can create excitement, you can do wonderful promotion and get all kinds of press, and you can throw in a little hyperbole. But if you don't deliver the goods, people will eventually catch on.

* You can't be scared. You do your thing, you hold your ground, you stand up tall, and whatever happens, happens.

===1990===
[[File:Universal_health_care.svg|thumb|I'm very [[liberal]] when it comes to [[health care]]. I believe in {{w|universal health care}}. I believe in whatever it takes to make people well and better.]]
[[File:Goddess_of_Democracy_at_UBC.jpg|thumb|upright|When the students poured into Tiananmen Square, the Chinese government almost blew it. Then they were vicious, they were horrible, but [[w:Tiananmen Square protests of 1989|they put it down with strength]]. That shows you the power of strength.]]
* What separates the winners from the losers is how a person reacts to each new twist of fate.
** ''Trump: Surviving at the Top'' (1990), p. 3

*She turned out to be the wife of a man who was then the prime minister of a major country. I'd heard stories about this lady, but I never thought much of them until that night. We met at the house of the friend who'd phoned me. After we'd all chatted for a while in the living room, the four of us who already knew each other drifted out to the kitchen, leaving Ben and Madame X in the living room to get better acquainted. Which they did. In fact, when we drifted back in, about ten minutes later, she and Ben were involved in an incredibly torrid scene on the couch. I remember standing there and thinking to myself, &quot;Well, Donald, you're not in Queens anymore.&quot;
** ''Trump: Surviving at the Top'' (1990), p. 52

* &quot;When a man leaves a woman, especially when it was perceived that he has left for a piece of ass—a good one!—there are 50 percent of the population who will love the woman who was left,&quot; he told me.
** {{citation |date=September 1, 1990|title=After the Gold Rush |periodical=Vanity Fair |url=https://www.vanityfair.com/magazine/2015/07/donald-ivana-trump-divorce-prenup-marie-brenner}} by [[Marie Brenner]]

* &quot;I want five children, like in my own family, because with five, then I will know that one will be guaranteed to turn out like me,&quot; Donald told a close friend.
** {{citation |date=September 1, 1990 |author=Marie Brenner |title=After the Gold Rush |periodical=Vanity Fair |url=https://www.vanityfair.com/magazine/2015/07/donald-ivana-trump-divorce-prenup-marie-brenner}}

* Very good question. (pause) I don't think it's a sin but I don't think it should be done.
** in response to the question, &quot;Is [[adultery]] a sin.&quot;
** in the ''[[New York Post]]'' (February 23, 1990), as [http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2016/10/30/donald-trump-in-1990-adultery-is-not-a-sin.html archived at ''the Daily Beast'']

* [[Leona Helmsley]] is a truly evil human being. She treated employees worse than any human being I've ever witnessed and I've dealt with some of the toughest human beings alive.
** {{citation |year=1990 |month=March |author=Glenn Plaskin |title=The Playboy Interview with Donald Trump |periodical={{w|Playboy}} |url=https://www.playboy.com/read/playboy-interview-donald-trump-1990}}

* When [[1989 Tiananmen Square protests|the students poured into Tiananmen Square]], the {{w|Chinese government}} almost blew it. Then they were vicious, they were horrible, but they put it down with strength. That shows you the power of strength.
** {{citation |year=1990 |month=March |author=Glenn Plaskin |title=The Playboy Interview with Donald Trump |periodical={{w|Playboy}} |url=https://www.playboy.com/read/playboy-interview-donald-trump-1990}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2016-10-20 |title=Bury Trump in a Landslide |periodical={{w|New York Daily News}} |url=http://interactive.nydailynews.com/2016/10/daily-news-editorial-bury-trump-in-landslide/}}

* I said to the [[bankers]], &quot;Listen, fellows, if I have a problem, then you have a problem. We have to find a way out or it's going to be a difficult time for both of us.&quot;
** ''Fortune'' (August 13, 1990), as quoted in ''The World According to Trump'' (2005) by Ken Lawrence, p. 44
** Cf. [[J. Paul Getty]]: &quot;If you owe the bank $100, that's your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that's the bank's problem.&quot;

===1991===
* You know, it doesn't really matter what the media writes as long as you've got a young and beautiful piece of ass.
** [http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/news/a24057/donald-trump-presidential-run-2016-072913/ Esquire Interview] (1991)

===1992===
* You have to treat 'em [women] like s--- {{sic}}
** Reported in {{cite news |title=Fighting Back: Trump Scrambles off the Canvas |first=Julie |last=Baumgold |work=New York |volume=25 |number=44 |date=1992-11-09 |page=43 |url=https://books.google.com/books?id=BeUCAAAAMBAJ&amp;q=%22trump+is+talking+about+women+and+says%22#v=snippet&amp;q=%22trump%20is%20talking%20about%20women%20and%20says%22&amp;f=false}}. Bowdlerization in the original.

* Wow! Just think — in a couple of years I'll be dating you.
** to two 14-year-old girls in 1992
** from the {{w|Chicago Tribune}}, as archived at [http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2016/10/13/in_1992_trump_told_two_14_year_old_girls_in_a_couple_of_years_i_ll_be_dating.html Slate]

* He's a good guy, and he's not going to hurt anybody. . . . He treated his wife well and . . . he will treat Marla well.
:Actresses, people that you write about just call to see if they can go out with him and things.
:I mean, he's living with Marla and he's got three other girlfriends.
:He does things for himself. When he makes a decision, that will be a very lucky woman.
:* Speaking about himself under the pseudonym of [[w:Pseudonyms of Donald Trump#&quot;John Miller&quot; (1991)|John Miller]] in [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-politics/wp/2016/05/13/transcript-the-full-text-of-john-miller-interview-about-donald-trump-with-people-reporter/?tid=a_inl a 1991 interview with a ''People'' reporter], [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-politics/wp/2016/05/13/transcript-the-full-text-of-john-miller-interview-about-donald-trump-with-people-reporter/?tid=a_inl Donald Trump masqueraded as publicist to brag about himself], Washington Post 

* I'm gonna be dating her in ten years.
** of a 10-year-old girl, in 1992
** {{citation |date=2016-10-13 |author=Emily Schultheis |title=More allegations, questionable Trump comments on women surface |periodical=CBS News |url=http://www.cbsnews.com/news/more-unearthed-footage-trump-says-of-10-year-old-i-am-going-to-be-dating-her-in-10-years/}}

===1993===
* '''Howard Stern''': So, you treat women with respect?&lt;br&gt;'''Donald Trump''': Uh, I can't say that either.&lt;br&gt;'''Stern''': Alright, good.
** An interview on ''[[w:The Howard Stern Show|The Howard Stern Show]]'', 1993

* You know, if you’re young, and in this era, and if you have any guilt about not having gone to Vietnam, we have our own Vietnam—it’s called the dating game... Dating is like being in Vietnam. You’re the equivalent of a soldier going over to Vietnam.
** An interview on ''The Howard Stern Show'', 1993, [https://people.com/politics/trump-boasted-of-avoiding-stds-while-dating-vaginas-are-landmines-it-was-my-personal-vietnam/ archived by ''People'']

*I am not a {{w|law enforcement officer}}. I am not supposed to be going around checking {{w|Indian reservation}}s. That is what you have [[w:Federal Bureau of Investigation#Indian reservations|the FBI for]], and they are very capable, the most capable.
**Oversight Hearing Before the Subcommittee on Native American Affairs of the Committee on Natural Resources, House of Representatives, October 5, 1993: In ''Implementation of Indian Gaming Regulatory Act: Oversight Hearing Before the Subcommittee on Native American Affairs of the Committee on Natural Resources, House of Representatives, One Hundred Third Congress ... Public Law 100-497, the Indian Gaming Regulatory Act of 1988'', Part 5, page 187

===1994===
* Well, I think that she's got a lot of [[w:Marla Maples|Marla]] [Maples, Trump's second wife], she's a really beautiful baby, and she's got Marla's legs. We don't know whether she's got this part yet [gestures toward own chest], but time will tell...
** [http://www.slate.com/blogs/the_slatest/2016/04/06/video_donald_trump_on_his_one_year_old_daughter_s_brests.html On his then-one year old daughter Tiffany], ''Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous'', 1994

*Everybody's always blaming me for everything.
**16 May 1994 in &quot;For Sale by Owner&quot; s4e24 of &quot;Fresh Prince of Bel-Air&quot;, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_wcNmQ_hEk&amp;t=70 video here]

===1996===
* Let's make a deal; if you promise not to get &quot;personal&quot; with me, I will promise not to show you as the crude, fat and obnoxious slob which everyone knows you are. Sincerely, Donald J. Trump.
** [http://www.palmbeachdailynews.com/lifestyles/before-twitter-name-calling-letter-from-donald-trump/KaGSV40cQnefESyXhe5CuN/ Letter to journalist Shannon Donnelly], 1996

===1997===
*“It’s amazing, I can’t even believe it. I’ve been so lucky in terms of that whole world, it is a dangerous world out there. It’s like Vietnam, sort of. It is my personal Vietnam. I feel like a great and very brave solider”
**speaking of having [[sex]] and referring to women's genitals as “potential landmines”.
** An interview on ''The Howard Stern Show'', 1997, [https://people.com/politics/trump-boasted-of-avoiding-stds-while-dating-vaginas-are-landmines-it-was-my-personal-vietnam/ archived by ''People'']

===1999===
* I'm [[w:Conservatism in the United States|conservative]], and even very [[conservative]]. But I'm quite [[w:Liberalism in the United States|liberal]] and getting much more [[w:Healthcare reform debate in the United States#Liberal arguments|liberal on health care]] and other things. I really say: What's the purpose of a country if you're not going to have defensive and [[health care]]? If you can't take care of your sick in the country, forget it, it's all over. I mean, it's no good. So I'm very liberal when it comes to health care. I believe in {{w|universal health care}}. I believe in whatever it takes to make people well and better.
** [http://edition.cnn.com/ALLPOLITICS/stories/1999/10/08/trump.transcript/ Interview with Larry King] ''CNN'' (October 1999)

* I surround myself with the best people. I know the best people.
** On an interview (1999 November 26)

* The part of my life I think I'm most disappointed in is that I have not had the great marriage. And I would have thought that would have happened, because I came from a home—you know, it's not like some of my [[Friend|friends]], they get divorced, but their parents were divorced twice or three times. I came from a home where marriage was just incredible. I mean, my parents truly loved each other.
** ''Good Morning America'' (2 December 1999), as quoted in ''The World According to Trump'' (2005) by Ken Lawrence, p. 46

* I'm on the conservative side, but [[Pat Buchanan|[Pat] Buchanan]] is [[Attila]] the Hun.
** As quoted in  ''Selected Quotes from Newsweek Magazine, 1999'' — {{cite web |url=https://web.archive.org/web/20001015150910/http://www.sph.umich.edu/~rwatt/old_nw3.htm |title=Richard Watanabe - Newsweek Quotes, 1999 |publisher=Sph.umich.edu |date= |accessdate=2010-06-13}}

* People want me to [run for president] all the time … I don't like it. Can you imagine how controversial I'd be? You think about him ''[Bill Clinton]'' and the women. How about me with the women? Can you imagine?
** On ''{{W|Hardball with Chris Matthews}}'', as quoted in {{citation |date=1999-07-12 |author=Deborah Orin |title=Trump ‘toys’ with prez run |periodical={{w|New York Post}} |url=http://nypost.com/1999/07/12/trump-toys-with-prez-run}}

===2000===
* I generally oppose [[w:Gun control in the United States|gun control]], but I support the ban on [[assault weapon]]s.
**{{cite book |title=[[w:The America We Deserve|The America We Deserve]] |authorlink1=w:Donald Trump |first1=Donald |last1=Trump |first2=Dave |last2=Shiflett |year=2000 |publisher=[[w:Renaissance Books|Renaissance Books]] |isbn=1580631312}}; {{cite news |title=Trump's Evolving Positions on Gun Issues |first1=Linda |last1=Qiu |first2=Kitty |last2=Bennett |date=March 12, 2018 |newspaper=[[w:The New York Times|The New York Times]] |accessdate=September 6, 2018 |url=https://www.nytimes.com/2018/03/12/us/politics/trump-evolving-positions-gun-issues.html}}

* So the [[wikipedia:Reform Party of the United States of America|Reform Party]] now includes a Klansman, Mr. [[David Duke|Duke]], a [[neo-Nazi]], Mr. Buchanan, and a [[communist]], [[w:Lenora Fulani|Ms. Fulani]]. This is not company I wish to keep.
** As quoted in {{cite news |last= |first= |date=14 February 2000 |title=QUOTATION OF THE DAY |url=http://www.nytimes.com/2000/02/14/nyregion/quotation-of-the-day-815233.html |newspaper=The New York Times |location= |access-date= }}&lt;!--{{cite news |last1=Kaczynski  |first1=Andrew |last2=Massie| first2=Christopher |date= Aug. 26, 2015, at 11:27 p.m. |title=Top Racists And Neo-Nazis Back Donald Trump |url=http://www.buzzfeed.com/andrewkaczynski/meet-the-prominent-white-nationalists-fired-up-to-support-do#.vuV8WvAdp |newspaper=BuzzFeed News |location= |access-date= }}--&gt;

* I judge people based on their capability, honesty, and merit.
** [https://books.google.com/books?id=smMEAAAAMBAJ&amp;pg=PA23&amp;dq=%22Trump%20towers%22 &quot;Trump towers&quot;], interview with Paul Alexander, ''The Advocate'' (15 February 2000), p. 23

* It's very possible that I could be the first [[w:United States presidential election|presidential candidate]] to run and make money on it.
** Reported by Jerry Useem, [http://fortune.com/2000/04/03/what-does-donald-trump-really-want/ &quot;What Does Donald Trump Really Want?&quot;], ''Fortune'', 3 April 2000.

===2002===
* I think the regulations are very tough, but I think they could be made tougher. And where they really have to be made tougher is when somebody is proven [[w:Unfair business practices|to be dishonest]], not a mistake, not an honest mistake because look, people make bad business deals all the time. When somebody is proven to be dishonest, really harsh punishment has to take place.
**''[[w:Hardball with Chris Matthews|Hardball with Chris Matthews]]'' (15 July 2002), as quoted in ''The World According to Trump'' (2005) by Ken Lawrence, p. 23

* '''[[Howard Stern]]''': Are you for [[w:2003 invasion of Iraq|the invasion of Iraq]]?
* '''Donald Trump''': Yeah, I guess so. I wish, uh, I wish [[Gulf War|the first time]] it was done correctly.
** Interview on [[wikipedia:The Howard Stern Show|Howard Stern Show]] (11 September 2002), reported by ''[https://www.buzzfeed.com/andrewkaczynski/in-2002-donald-trump-said-he-supported-invading-iraq-on-the? BuzzFeed]'' (19 February 2016)

* I've known Jeff for fifteen years. Terrific guy. He's a lot of fun to be with. It is even said that he likes beautiful women as much as I do, and many of them are on the younger side. No doubt about it — Jeffrey enjoys his social life.
** On [[w:Jeffrey Epstein|Jeffrey Epstein]]. Quoted in ''[https://nymag.com/nymetro/news/people/n_7912/ New York]'', 28 October 2002.

* I don't know how you do it. I've put together some really impressive deals, but this thing you've pulled off, it's amazing: a Big N' Tasty for just a dollar. How do you do it? What's your secret? Together Grimace, we could own this town.
** Trump's lines in a [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4QNXnNftWk McDonald's advert] (2002), quoted in {{citation|date=2019-01-15|author=Rachel Desantis|title=Donald Trump’s lifelong love of fast food, from his 2002 McDonald’s commercial to ‘hamberders’|periodical=New York Daily News|url=https://www.nydailynews.com/news/politics/ny-news-donald-trump-has-always-loved-fast-food-20190115-story.html}}

===2003===
* I love beautiful women, and beautiful women love me. It has to be both ways.
** Interview with Norwegian talk show host [[wikipedia:Fredrik Skavlan|Fredrik Skavlan]] in (November 2003).{{fix cite}}&lt;!-- published/quoted where? --&gt;

===2004===
*Trump: My daughter is beautiful, Ivanka&lt;br&gt;Stern: By the way, your daughter,&lt;br&gt;Trump: She’s beautiful&lt;br&gt;Stern: Can I say this? A '''piece of ass'''&lt;br&gt;Trump: Yeah
**September 2004 exchange with [[Howard Stern]] [https://www.cnn.com/2016/10/08/politics/trump-on-howard-stern reported in 2016 by CNN]

* Now, if your boss is a sadist, then you have a big problem. In that case, fire your boss and get a new job.
** ''Trump: How to Get Rich'' (2004)

* If you don't tell people about your success, they probably won't know about it.
** ''Trump: How to Get Rich'' (2004), p. xiii

* Get going. Move forward. Aim high. Plan for a takeoff. Don't just sit on the runway and hope someone will come along and push the airplane. It simply won't happen. Change your attitude and gain some altitude. Believe me, you'll love it up here.
** ''Trump: How to Get Rich'' (2004), p. 74

* In business—every business—the bottom line is understanding the process. If you don't understand the process, you'll never reap the rewards of the process.
** ''Trump: How to Get Rich'' (2004), p. 86

* Watch, listen, and learn. You can't know it all yourself—anyone who thinks that they do is destined for mediocrity.
** ''Trump: The Way to the Top: The Best Business Advice I Ever Received'' (2004), p. 20

* I don't like firing people. It's not a pleasant thing and it's sad. ... In some cases, it's a terrible, terrible situation for the person who gets fired, how strongly they take it. So it's not something that any rational or sane person can love doing, but it also happens to be a fact of life in business.
** ''Boston Herald'' (7 January 2004), as quoted in ''The World According to Trump'' (2005) by Ken Lawrence, p. 16

* People say, &quot;Do you have the same opportunity today as you had years ago?&quot; And I said, &quot;Absolutely.&quot; You always have an opportunity. There's always an opportunity, especially in this country.
** [http://edition.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0403/21/le.00.html Late Edition with Wolf Blitzer], ''CNN'' (21 March 2004)

* All of the women on [[w:The Apprentice (U.S. TV series)|''The Apprentice'']] flirted with me - consciously or unconsciously. That's to be expected.
**[http://www.nydailynews.com/archives/gossip/donald-cuomo-mario-fired-article-1.612165 Ny Daily News] (24 March 2004)

* ''[On &quot;You're fired!&quot;:]'' There's a beauty in those two words. When you utter those words, there's very little that can be said. There's a succinctness to those words.
** {{citation
|title=Trump TV / 'The Apprentice' takes realistic inside look at corporate world
|journal=San Francisco Chronicle
|date=2004-03-28
|first=David
|last=Armstrong
|url=http://www.sfgate.com/business/article/Trump-TV-The-Apprentice-takes-realistic-2802491.php
}}

* My life is seeing everything in terms of &quot;How would ''I'' handle that?&quot; '''Look at the [[Iraq War|war in Iraq]] and the mess that we're in. I would never have handled it that way.''' Does anybody really believe that Iraq is going to be a wonderful democracy where people are going to run down to the voting box and gently put in their ballot and the winner is happily going to step up to lead the county? C'mon. Two minutes after we leave, there's going to be a [[revolution]], and the meanest, toughest, smartest, most vicious guy will take over. And he'll have [[w:Iraq and weapons of mass destruction|weapons of mass destruction]], which [[Saddam Hussein|Saddam]] didn't have. '''What was the purpose of this whole thing? Hundreds and hundreds of young people killed. And what about the people coming back with no arms and legs? Not to mention the other side. All those Iraqi kids who've been blown to pieces. And it turns out that all of the reasons for the war were blatantly wrong. All this for nothing!'''
** ''Esquire'' magazine (August 2004); [http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/interviews/a37230/donald-trump-esquire-cover-story-august-2004/ &quot;Donald Trump: How I'd Run the Country (Better)&quot; (18 August 2015)]

* Pregnancy is &quot;a wonderful thing for the woman, it's a wonderful thing for the husband, it's certainly an inconvenience for a business.&quot;
** About pregnancy (2004)

* The concept of shaking hands is absolutely terrible, and statistically I’ve been proven right.
** Playboy, 2004 [https://eu.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/onpolitics/2016/06/14/donald-trump-70-birthday-quotes/85619552/]

* In many cases, I probably identify more as Democrat.  It just seems that the [[economy]] does better under the [[Democrats]] than the [[Republicans]]. Now, it shouldn't be that way. But if you go back, I mean it just seems that the economy does better under the Democrats. ...But certainly we had some very good economies under Democrats, as well as Republicans. But we've had some pretty bad [[disaster]] under the Republicans.
** Said in an interview with CNN's [[Wolf Blitzer]], as quoted by {{citation |title=Trump in '04: 'I probably identify more as Democrat'
| journal=CNN | author=Chris Moody | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2015/07/21/politics/donald-trump-election-democrat/index.html }}

===2005===
* I'll go backstage, before a show, and everyone's getting dressed and ready and everything else. And you know, no men are anywhere. And I'm allowed to go in because I'm the owner of the pageant and therefore I'm inspecting it. You know I'm inspecting, I want to make sure everything is good, the dresses, &quot;Is everyone OK?&quot;, you know they're standing there with no clothes, &quot;Is everybody OK?&quot;, and you see these incredible-looking women, and so I sort of get away with things like that.
** [https://soundcloud.com/user-735086019/101g1 Comments about his ownership of Miss Universe on the Howard Stern Show] (11 April 2005)

* They had a person who was extremely proud that a number of the women had become doctors. And I wasn't interested.
** [https://soundcloud.com/user-735086019/101g1 Comments about his ownership of Miss Universe on the Howard Stern Show] (11 April 2005)

* I did try and fuck her. She was married. '''I moved on her like a bitch, but I couldn't get there.''' And she was married. Then all of a sudden I see her, she's now got the big phony tits and everything. She's totally changed her look. I've gotta use some [[w:Tic Tacs|Tic Tacs]], just in case I start kissing her. You know, I'm automatically attracted to beautiful — I just start kissing them. It's like a magnet. '''Just kiss. I don't even wait. When you're a star, they let you do it. You can do anything... Grab 'em by the pussy. You can do anything.'''
** To {{w|Billy Bush}} in 2005; [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/08/us/donald-trump-tape-transcript.html &quot;Transcript: Donald Trump's Taped Comments About Women&quot;], ''The New York Times'' (8 October 2016)

===2006===
* It would be really disappointing — not really — but it would depend on what’s inside the magazine. I don’t think Ivanka would do that, although she does have a very nice figure. I’ve said '''if Ivanka weren’t my daughter, perhaps I’d be dating her'''.
** On 7 March 2006 during an appearance on the daytime talk show ''[[w:The View (talk show)|The View]]'' while discussing the possibility of [[Ivanka Trump]]’s posing for ''[[Playboy]]'' magazine. As quoted in ''[https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/donald-trump-date-daughter/ Did Donald Trump Say He’d Like to Date His Daughter?]'' by Dan Evon, 10 July 2015, ''{{w|Snopes}}'', and quoted with video clip in {{citation|date=2016-10-10|author=Adam Withnall|title=Donald Trump's unsettling record of comments about his daughter Ivanka|periodical=The Independent|location=UK|url=https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-elections/donald-trump-ivanka-trump-creepiest-most-unsettling-comments-a-roundup-a7353876.html}} originally reported in [https://www.today.com/popculture/trump-jokes-he-d-date-daughter-wbna11714379 7 March 2006 article on Today via AP]

* I thought today's women were independent and had a lot of sexual freedom. ... Well, I guess they fooled me.
** In April 2006, about women's disaproval of {{w|one-night stand}}s. As quoted in ''[https://www.marketwatch.com/story/trump-on-clinton-in-2008-shed-make-a-good-president-2016-07-11 Trump on Clinton in 2008: ‘She'd make a good president']'' (July 11, 2016) by Michael Rothfield and {{w|Mark Maremont}}, ''{{w|MarketWatch}}''.

*She’s actually always been '''very voluptuous'''. She’s tall, she’s almost six feet tall and she’s been, she’s an amazing beauty.
**October 2006 interview with [[Howard Stern]] about [[Ivanka Trump]] reported [https://www.cnn.com/2016/10/08/politics/trump-on-howard-stern 2016 by CNN]

* '''Jon Ward:''' There's a lot of talk, which you no doubt heard too, about a sort of [[real estate]] bubble. What's your take on that pessimism?
* '''Donald Trump:''' Well, first of all, I sort of hope that happens because then people like me would go in and buy. 
** ''How to Build a Fortune'' (2006), Trump University audiobook, quoted in {{citation|date=2016-05-19|author=Jeremy Diamond|title=Donald Trump in 2006: I 'sort of hope' real estate market tanks|periodical=CNN|url=https://www.cnn.com/2016/05/19/politics/donald-trump-2006-hopes-real-estate-market-crashes/index.html}}

* No, I have no age — I mean, I have age limit. I don't want to be like Congressman Foley, with, you know, 12-year-olds,
** [https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/donald-trump-howard-stern-tapes-women-35_uk_57fa46e1e4b01fa2b904368b Donald Trump Howard Stern Tapes Show Him Saying 35 Is 'Check-Out Time' For Women And Agreeing His Daughter Is A 'Piece Of Ass'] (2006) When asked if he has an age limit for women he'll sleep with.

===2007===
* Since I love what I do, I do it vigorously and I do it better. Because I inject it with enthusiasm and passion, it doesn't feel like work. My passion spills over to everyone around me and motivates them to do their very best.
** ''[https://books.google.com/books?id=uuR61zcvMTgC&amp;pg=PA1&amp;lpg=PA1&amp;dq=%22since+I+LOVE+WHAT+I+DO,+I+DO+IT+VIGOROUSLY%22&amp;source=bl&amp;ots=ko6GrZPr-e&amp;sig=x3zLQ1fWbNJIrx-7M0CzI-zPljg&amp;hl=en&amp;sa=X&amp;ved=0ahUKEwjuncTq2OvRAhXCLMAKHTzHDNwQ6AEIGjAA#v=onepage&amp;q=%22since%20I%20LOVE%20WHAT%20I%20DO%2C%20I%20DO%20IT%20VIGOROUSLY%22&amp;f=false Trump 101 The Way to Success]'' (2007), p. 1

* Passion is absolutely necessary to achieve any kind of long-lasting success. I know this from experience. If you don't have passion, everything you do will ultimately fizzle out or, at best, be mediocre.
** ''Trump 101 The Way to Success'' (2007), p. 2

* [[Iraq War|The war]] is total disaster. It's a catastrophe, nothing less. It is such a shame that this took place. In fact, I gained a lot of respect for our current [[George H. W. Bush|president's father]] by the fact that he had the sense not to go in to [[Iraq]]. He won the war and then said let's not go the rest of the way and he turned out to be right. And [[Saddam Hussein]], whether they like him or didn't like him, he hated [[terrorists]]. He'd shoot and kill terrorists. When terrorists came in to his country, which he did control and he did dominate, he would kill terrorists. Now it's a breeding ground for terrorists. So, look, the war is a total catastrophe...and they have [[w:Sectarian violence in Iraq (2006–08)|a civil war]] going on.
** [http://www.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0703/16/sitroom.03.html Interview on &quot;The Situation Room&quot; with Wolf Blitzer] (16 March 2007)

* I make that --- twice now, on a Monday I let returning Iraqi injured [[soldiers]] come to the premises. The most beautiful people I've ever seen. But they're missing arms and legs, they're with their wives, sometimes they're with their girlfriends. And the tears are coming down the faces of these people. I mean, thousands and maybe hundreds of thousands, and [[w:Casualties of the Iraq War#Total Iraqi casualties|the Iraqis that have been just maimed and killed]]. This war is a horrible thing. Now, President Bush says he's [[religious]]. And yet 400,000 people, the way I count it, have died, and probably millions have been badly maimed and injured. What's going on? What's going on? And the day we pull out it's going to explode. We're keeping the lid on a little bit. It's still a catastrophe, but the day we pull out, because they're in a [[w:Iraqi Civil War|civil war]]. Whether we want to admit it or not, they're in a civil war.
** [http://www.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0703/16/sitroom.03.html Interview on &quot;The Situation Room&quot; with Wolf Blitzer] (16 March 2007)

* [[Hillary Clinton]] I think is a terrific woman. I am biased because I have known her for years. I live in New York. She lives in New York. I really like her and her husband both a lot. I think she really works hard. And I think, again, she's given an agenda, it is not all of her, but I think she really works hard and I think she does a good job. I like her.
** 2007 ''CNN'' interview, reported in [[w:Zeke J. Miller|Zeke J. Miller]], &quot;[http://time.com/3962799/donald-trump-hillary-clinton/ When Donald Trump Praised Hillary Clinton]&quot;, ''[[w:Time (magazine)|Time]]'' (July 17, 2015).

* {{w|Trump Steaks}} are the world's greatest steaks, and I mean that in every sense of the word. Treat yourself to the very, very best life has to offer you. And as a gift, Trump Steaks are the best you can give. One bite, and you'll know exactly what I'm talking about, and believe me. I understand steaks, it's my favorite food.
** Lines marking the introduction of Trump Steaks by The Sharper Image (2007)

* My net worth fluctuates, and it goes up and down with the markets and with attitudes and with feelings, even my own feelings, but I try.
** Claimed in December 2007, quoted in [https://money.cnn.com/2011/04/21/news/companies/donald_trump/index.htm &quot;Trump: I'm worth whatever I feel&quot;], ''CNN'' (April 21, 2011)

* Congratulations on being named Time magazine's 'Man of the Year' — you definitely deserve it. As you have probably heard, I'm a big fan of yours!
** [https://www.businessinsider.com/revealed-donald-trump-letters-to-vladimir-putin-miss-universe-russia-2020-8?r=US&amp;IR=T Letter to Russian president Vladimir Putin]

===2008===
* They'll walk up, and they'll flip their top, and they'll flip their panties.
** [http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/donald-trump-details-sexual-attractions-relationships-radio-interviews/story?id=37190691 Interview on ''The Howard Stern Show''] (2008)

* Hillary Clinton said she'd consider naming [[Barack Obama]] as her vice president when she gets the nomination, but she's nowhere near a shoo-in.
** About the [[w:Democratic Party presidential primaries, 2008|2008 Democratic Party presidential primaries]] in audio released by the ''Journal''. As quoted in ''[http://time.com/4402522/donald-trump-hillary-clinton-good-president/ Donald Trump Once Said Hillary Clinton Would Make A 'Good President']'' (July 12, 2016) by Tara John, ''{{w|The Times}}''.

* For his part, Obama said he's just focused on winning the nomination although at least one member on his team said Clinton would make a good vice president. Well, I know her and she'd make a good president or good vice president.
** About the [[w:Democratic Party presidential primaries, 2008|2008 Democratic Party presidential primaries]] in an audio from &quot;Trumped!&quot;, a syndicated radio feature that aired from 2004 to 2008. As quoted in ''[http://time.com/4402522/donald-trump-hillary-clinton-good-president/ Donald Trump Once Said Hillary Clinton Would Make A 'Good President']'' (July 12, 2016) by Tara John, ''{{w|The Times}}''.

* It's very exciting we have a new president. It would have been nice if he ended with a 500 point up instead of down. It's certainly very exciting. His speech was great last night. I thought it was inspiring in every way. And, hopefully he's going to do a great job. But the way I look at it, he cannot do worse [[w:Presidency of George W. Bush|than Bush]].
** [http://www.foxnews.com/story/2008/11/06/donald-trump-on-president-elect-obama-cannot-do-worse-than-bush.html &quot;Donald Trump on President-Elect Obama: 'He Cannot Do Worse Than Bush'&quot; Interview with Greta Van Susteren] [[Fox News]] (6 November 2008)

===2009===
* If I'd started in business thinking I knew everything, I'd have been sunk before I started... Never think of learning as being a burden or studying as being boring. It may require some discipline, but it can be an adventure. It can also prepare you for a new beginning.
** ''Think Like a Champion: An Informal Education In Business and Life'' (2009), pp. 16–17

* Without passion, you don't have energy; without energy, you have nothing. [[Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel|Nothing great in the world has been accomplished without passion.]]
** As quoted in ''Social Networking for Authors: Untapped Possibilities for Wealth'' (2009) by Michael Volkin, p. 60

*let's just talk. I'll give you as much time as you want. I'll tell you what you need to know
**2009 to [[w:Bradley Edwards|Bradley Edwards]] (attorney prosecuting [[Jeffrey Epstein]]) as narrated by Edwards in December 2018 interview, according to [https://www.thegatewaypundit.com/2019/07/prosecutor-in-2009-epstein-case-said-donald-trump-was-the-only-one-who-helped-him/ 7 July 2019 article by Joe Hoft of Gateway Pundit]

===2010===
*Well, I think I was born with a drive for success. I had a father who was successful. He was a builder in Brooklyn and Koreans. And he was successful. And, you know, I have a certain gene. I'm a gene believer. Hey, when you connect two race horses, you usually end up with a fast horse. And I really was -- you know, I had a -- a good gene pool from the standpoint of that.
**[https://web.archive.org/web/20200924215510/https://us.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/1002/10/ctw.01.html CNN interview] (February 2010)

===2011===
* Part of the [[beauty]] of me is that I am very [[rich]].
** Interview with [[w:Ashleigh Banfield|Ashleigh Banfield]] on ABC's ''[[w:Good Morning America|Good Morning America]]'' (17 March 2011); also in {{citation |date=2011-03-17 |author=Neil King Jr. |title=Trump on 2012: ‘Part of Beauty of Me Is I'm Very Rich’ |periodical=Washington Wire |publisher=Wall Street Journal |url=http://blogs.wsj.com/washwire/2011/03/17/trump-on-2012-part-of-beauty-of-me-is-im-very-rich/}}

* They asked [[John McCain]] for his [[w:Birth certificate|birth certificate]]. They've asked others for their birth certificate. They asked Bush for his birth certificate, by the way. I just found out over the weekend. And they would ask me for my birth certificate and by the way, it's sitting on the top of my desk. They give you a certificate of live birth, which anybody can get, just walk into the hospital, and you get a certificate of live birth. It's not even signed by people. Now, this guy either has a birth certificate or he doesn't. And I didn't think this was such a big deal, but I will tell you, it's turning out to be a very big deal because people now are calling me from all over saying, please don't give up on this issue. If you weren't born in this country, [[w:Natural-born-citizen clause|you cannot be president]].
** About [[w:Barack Obama citizenship conspiracy theories|Barack Obama's birth certificate]]. {{citation
|title=Fox &amp; Friends
|medium=Television
|publisher=Fox News
|date=2011-03-28}}
** {{citation
|title=Fox Goes Birther: Trump Tells Unquestioning Co-hosts, &quot;I'm Starting To Wonder...Whether Or Not &lt;nowiki&gt;[Obama]&lt;/nowiki&gt; Was Born In This Country&quot;
|journal=[[w:Media Matters for America|Media Matters for America]]
|date=2011-03-28
|url=http://mediamatters.org/mmtv/201103280006
|accessdate=2011-03-30}}

* So he could have come into the country, and they did it for social reasons they put it in! They did it for whatever reason. There are a lot of reasons you could have put an ad in. But he could have been born outside of this country. Why can't he produce a birth certificate and by the way, there is one story that his family doesn't even know what hospital he was born in!
** About [[w:Barack Obama citizenship conspiracy theories|Barack Obama's birth certificate]]. {{citation
|title=Fox &amp; Friends
|medium=Television
|publisher=Fox News
|date=2011-03-28}}
** {{citation
|title=Fox Goes Birther: Trump Tells Unquestioning Co-hosts, &quot;I'm Starting To Wonder...Whether Or Not &lt;nowiki&gt;[Obama]&lt;/nowiki&gt; Was Born In This Country&quot;
|journal=[[w:Media Matters for America|Media Matters for America]]
|date=2011-03-28
|url=http://mediamatters.org/mmtv/201103280006
|accessdate=2011-03-30}}

* I start off every time I talk about [[w:Barack Obama citizenship conspiracy theories#Campaigners and proponents|the birthers]], I start off by saying, and it's very interesting, I was a great student at the best college in the country. You know? I want to let people know. I'm a smart guy. Because what they do to the birthers, and I don't even like the term, the birthers. I think it's unfair to them. These are people that want to see a birth certificate. They want to know that the president was born here!
** About [[w:Barack Obama citizenship conspiracy theories|Barack Obama's birth certificate]]. {{citation
|title=Fox &amp; Friends
|medium=Television
|publisher=Fox News
|date=2011-03-28}}
** {{citation
|title=Fox Goes Birther: Trump Tells Unquestioning Co-hosts, &quot;I'm Starting To Wonder...Whether Or Not &lt;nowiki&gt;[Obama]&lt;/nowiki&gt; Was Born In This Country&quot;
|journal=[[w:Media Matters for America|Media Matters for America]]
|date=2011-03-28
|url=http://mediamatters.org/mmtv/201103280006
|accessdate=2011-03-30}}

* Because if you're not born in the United States, you cannot be president. And, there is a real question. And if this birth certificate exists, you know what I get a kick out of? [[w:Neil Abercrombie|The Governor of Hawaii]] says, &quot;I remember when he was born 50 years ago.&quot; I doubt it. I think this guy should be investigated. I doubt it. He remembers when [[w:Early life and career of Barack Obama#Childhood years|Obama was born]]? Give me a break! He's just trying to do something for [[Democratic Party (United States)|his party]]. The fact is, if you're not born in the United States, you cannot be president. He is having a hard time — he spent millions of dollars trying to get away from this issue, millions of dollars in legal fees trying to get away from this issue. And I'll tell you what, I brought it up just routinely and all of a sudden, a lot of facts are emerging, and I'm starting to wonder myself whether or not he was born in this country.
** About [[w:Barack Obama citizenship conspiracy theories|Barack Obama's birth certificate]]. {{citation
|title=Fox &amp; Friends
|medium=Television
|publisher=Fox News
|date=2011-03-28}}
** {{citation
|title=Fox Goes Birther: Trump Tells Unquestioning Co-hosts, &quot;I'm Starting To Wonder...Whether Or Not &lt;nowiki&gt;[Obama]&lt;/nowiki&gt; Was Born In This Country&quot;
|journal=[[w:Media Matters for America|Media Matters for America]]
|date=2011-03-28
|url=http://mediamatters.org/mmtv/201103280006
|accessdate=2011-03-30}}

* '''Donald Trump''': Meredith, he spent two million dollars in legal fees trying to get away from this issue. And if he weren't lying, why wouldn't he just solve it? And I wish he would, because if he doesn't, it's one of the greatest scams in the history of [[politics]], and in the history period. You are not allowed to be a president if you're not born in this country. He may not be born in this country. And I'll tell you what, three weeks ago I thought he was born in this country. Right now, I have some real doubts. I have people that actually have been studying it and they cannot believe what they're finding.&lt;br&gt;'''Meredith Vieira''': You have people now, down there searching—&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': Absolutely.&lt;br&gt;'''Vieira''': I mean, in [[Hawaii]]?&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': Absolutely. And they cannot believe what they're finding. I would like to have him show his birth certificate, and can I be honest with you, I hope he can. Because if he can't, if he can't, if he wasn't born in this country, which is a ''real'' possibility, I'm not saying it hap— I'm saying it's a ''real'' possibility, much greater than I thought two or three weeks ago, then he has pulled one of the great cons in the history of politics. And beyond politics.
**{{citation
|title=Today
|date=2011-04-07
|publisher=NBC
|medium=Television}}
** regarding Barack Obama
** Two million dollars is the sum of all the Obama presidential campaign's post-election legal expenses.[http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2011/apr/12/donald-trump/donald-trump-claims-obama-has-spent-2-million-lega/]

* '''[[w:David Brody (journalist)|David Brody]]''': [[Radical Islam]]: to [[Evangelicalism in the United States|Evangelicals]], this is a bread and butter issue. You said there's a [[Islam in the United States|Muslim problem]] in this country. What do you mean by that exactly? &lt;br&gt; '''Donald Trump''': [[Bill O'Reilly (commentator)|Bill O'Reilly]] asked me is there a Muslim problem? And I said absolutely, yes. In fact I went a step further. I said I didn't see [[Swedes|Swedish people]] [[September 11 attacks|knocking down the World Trade Center]]. It was very interesting. I thought that was going to be a controversial statement and somebody, I think it was [[Dennis Miller]] introduced me, he was doing like an analysis of me, he said, I love it. The guy said what the truth is. He didn't mince his words. He didn't say, 'Oh, gee, no there's not a Muslim problem, everybody's wonderful.' And by the way, many, many, most Muslims are wonderful people, but is there a Muslim problem? Look what's happening. Look what happened right here in my city with the World Trade Center and lots of other places. So I said it and I thought it was going to be very controversial but actually it was very well received. I think people want the truth. I think they're tired of politicians. They're tired of [[politically correct]] stuff. I mean I could have said, 'Oh absolutely not Bill, there's no Muslim problem, everything is wonderful, just forget about the World Trade Center.' But you have to speak the truth. We're so politically correct that this country is falling apart. &lt;br&gt;'''Brody''': With some evangelicals there are some problems with the teachings of the [[Koran]]. Do you have concerns about the Koran? &lt;br&gt; '''Trump''': Well, I'll tell you what. The Koran is very interesting. A lot of people say it [[w:Religious views on love#Islam|teaches love]] and there is a very big group of people who really understand the Koran far better than I do. I'm certainly not an expert, to put it mildly. But there's something there that teaches some very negative vibe. I mean things are happening, when you look at people blowing up all over the streets that are in some of the countries over in the [[Middle East]], just blowing up a super market with not even soldiers, just people, when 250 people die in a super market that are shopping, where people die in a store or in a street. There's a lot of hatred there that's some place. Now I don't know if that's from the Koran. I don't know if that's from some place else. But there's tremendous hatred out there that I've never seen anything like it. So, you have two views. You have the view that the Koran is all about love and then you have the view that the Koran is, that there's a lot of [[w:Violence in the Quran|hate in the Koran]].
** On [[w:CBN News|CBN News]]' &quot;The Brody File&quot; (12 April 2011) ([https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fWzDAvemJG8 video]) ([http://blogs.cbn.com/thebrodyfile/archive/2011/04/12/brody-file-exclusive-donald-trump-says-something-in-koran-teaches.aspx transcript])

* I look very much forward to showing my financials. Because they are huge.
** {{citation
|first=Michael
|last=Scherer
|title=In the presence of Donald Trump
|date=2011-04-11
|journal=Time
|url=http://swampland.time.com/2011/04/14/in-the-presence-of-donald-trump/
|accessdate=2019-10-28}}

* I heard he was a terrible student, terrible. How does a bad student go to Columbia and then [[w:Early life and career of Barack Obama#Harvard Law School|to Harvard]]? I'm thinking about it, I'm certainly looking into it. Let him show his records.
** Associated Press interview, 2011-04-25
** {{citation
|first=Lucy
|last=Madison
|title=Trump: How did Obama get into the Ivy League?
|date=2011-04-25
|journal=CBS News
|url=http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-503544_162-20057214-503544.html
|accessdate=2011-05-01|archiveurl=https://archive.is/dnCsg|archivedate=2013-06-28}}
** About [[w:Barack Obama#Education|Barack Obama's education]], who graduated from {{w|Columbia University}} in 1983 and graduated ''magna cum laude'' with a {{w|Juris doctorate}} from Harvard Law School in 1991

* Today I'm very [[proud]] of myself, because I've accomplished something that nobody else has been able to accomplish. I was just informed, while on the helicopter, that our president has finally released a birth certificate. I want to look at it, but I hope it's true, so that we can get on to much more important matters, so the press can stop asking me questions. He should have done it a long time ago. Why he didn't do it when the Clintons asked for it, why he didn't do it when everyone else was asking for it, I don't know. But I am really honored, frankly, to have played such a big role in hopefully, hopefully getting rid of this issue. Now, we have to look at it, we have to see, is it real? Is it proper? What's on it? But I hope it checks out beautifully. I am really proud, I am really honored.
** press conference, 2011-04-27
** {{citation
|title=Trump Questions Obama Birth Certificate
|date=2011-04-27
|journal=TMZ
|url=http://www.tmz.com/2011/04/27/donald-trump-barack-obama-birth-certificate-comment-quote/
|accessdate=2011-05-01}}
** Regarding the release of Barack Obama's full birth record from Hawaii that morning

* The word is, according to what I've have read, is that he was a terrible student when he went to [[w:Occidental College|Occidental]]. He then gets to [[w:Columbia_University|Columbia]] and then gets to [[Harvard University|Harvard]]. I heard at Columbia he was not a very good student, and then he then he gets into Harvard. How do you get into Harvard if you are not a good student? Maybe that's right, maybe that's wrong, but I don't know why he doesn't he release his records. Why doesn't he release his Occidental records?
** press conference, New Hampshire, 2011-04-27
** {{citation
|title=Schieffer: Racism underlying Trump's assertions
|date=2011-04-27
|journal=CBS News
|url=http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-503544_162-20058072-503544.html
|accessdate=2011-05-01|archiveurl=https://archive.is/ryIny|archivedate=2013-06-28}}
** About [[Barack Obama]], who transferred to Columbia from Occidental College in 1981, graduated from Columbia in 1983, and graduated ''magna cum laude'' with a Juris doctorate from Harvard Law School in 1991

* It's like in [[golf]]. A lot of people — I don't want this to sound trivial — but a lot of people are switching to these really long putters, very unattractive. It's weird. You see these great players with these really long putters, because they can't sink three-footers anymore. And, I hate it. I am a [[Traditionalistic|traditionalist]]. I have so many fabulous friends who happen to be [[Homosexuality|gay]], but I am a traditionalist.
**{{citation
|title=After Roasting, Trump Reacts In Character
|date=2011-05-01
|journal=New York Times
|first=Michael
|last=Barbaro
|url=http://www.nytimes.com/2011/05/02/nyregion/after-roasting-trump-reacts-in-character.html
|accessdate=2011-05-06}}
** on his opposition to [[same-sex marriage]]

* I know the [[Chinese people|Chinese]]. I've made a lot of money with the Chinese. I understand the Chinese mind.
** As quoted in {{citation |date=2011-05-03 |author=Tony Pierce |title=Donald Trump has read a lot of books on China: 'I understand the Chinese mind' |periodical=Los Angeles Times |url=http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/washington/2011/05/donald-trump-i-understand-the-chinese-mind.html}}, and in {{citation |date=2015-08-24 |author=John Mauldin |title=Playing the Chinese Trump Card |periodical=Forbes |url=http://www.forbes.com/sites/johnmauldin/2015/08/24/playing-the-chinese-trump-card/}}

* I dealt with [[Muammar Gaddafi|Gaddafi]]. I rented him a piece of land. He paid me more for one night than the land was worth for two years, and then I didn't let him use the land. That's what we should be doing. I don't want to use the word 'screwed,' but I screwed him. That's what we should be doing.
** As quoted in {{citation |date=2015-07-22 |title=Donald Trump: In his own colourful words |periodical=BBC News |url=http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-33619045}}

* She's a slob, she talks like a truck driver.
* If I were running my business, I'd fire Rosie, I mean, I'd look her right in that fat ugly face of hers and say, &quot;Rosie, you're fired.&quot;
** On an interview on why he hates [[Rosie O'Donnell]] (28 August 2011)

*[[Barney Frank]] looked disgusting--nipples protruding--in his blue shirt before Congress. Very very disrespectful.
* Twitter, quoted by the [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-fix/wp/2016/12/08/donald-trump-has-called-37-things-disgusting-on-twitter/ Washington Post] (20 December 2011)

* Our president will start a war with [[Iran]] because he has absolutely no ability to negotiate.  He is weak and he is ineffective.  So the only way he figures he is going to be reelected and as sure as you are sitting there, is to start a war with Iran.
** A now-deleted video on his YouTube video blog. {{citation |date=2020-01-03 |title=Trump repeatedly claimed in 2011 and 2012 that Obama would start a war with Iran to win reelection |author=Andrew Kaczynski |periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/01/03/politics/kfile-trump-obama-2012-iran-war-reelection/index.html}}

===2012===
* [[Mitt Romney|Mitt]] is tough. He is smart. He is sharp. He is not going to allow bad things to continue to happen to this country that we all love. So Gov. Romney, go out and get em. You can do it.
** Quoted in {{citation
    | date = 2012-02-02
    | url = http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-503544_162-57370443-503544/trump-endorses-mitt-romney-for-president/
    | author = Corbett B. Daly 
    | title = Trump endorses Mitt Romney for president
    | periodical = CBS News
}}

* No, I've never ''really'' changed. Nothing's ''changed'' my ''mind''. And by the way, you know, you have a huge group of people — I walk down the street, and people are screaming, &quot;Please don't give that up.&quot;  A lot of people are questioning his birth certificate. They're questioning the authenticity of his birth certificate. I've been known as being a very smart guy for a long time. I don't consider myself birther or not birther, but there are some major questions here and the press doesn't wanna cover it. The press just refuses to cover it. Now if that were somebody else, they would be covering it, and they'd be throwing people out of office. But they don't want to cover it. So it's interesting.
** {{citation
 | title = Telephone interview
 | publisher = CNBC
 | date = 2012-05-29
}}, quoted in {{citation
 | date = 2012-05-29
 | title = Donald Trump Goes On Epic Birther Rant
 | newspaper = {{w|The Huffington Post}}
 | author = Melissa Jeltsen
 | url = http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/29/donald-trump-romney-obama-birther_n_1553074.html
}}

* '''Wolf Blitzer:''' Donald, you're beginning to sound a little ridiculous, I have to tell you.&lt;br&gt;'''Donald Trump:''' No I think you are, Wolf. Now let me tell you something, I think ''you'' sound ridiculous, and if you'd ask me a question and let me answer it —&lt;br&gt;'''Blitzer:''' Here's the question, did the conspiracy start in 1961 where the [[w:Honolulu Star-Bulletin|''Honolulu Star-Bulletin'']] and the [[w:Honolulu Advertiser|''Honolulu Advertiser'']] contemporaneously published announcements that he was born in [[Hawaii]]?&lt;br&gt;'''Trump:''' That's right. That's right. And many people put those announcements in because they wanted to get the benefit because of getting so-called born in this country. Many people did it. It was something that was done by many people even though they weren't born in the country. You know and so do I... And so do a lot of your viewers. Although you don't have too many viewers.
* '''Donald Trump''' (clip): I have people that actually have been studying it and they cannot believe what they're finding.&lt;br&gt;'''Meredith Vieira''' (clip): You have people now, down there searching—&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''' (clip): Absolutely.&lt;br&gt;'''Vieira''' (clip): I mean, in Hawaii?&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''' (clip): Absolutely. And they cannot believe what they're finding.&lt;br&gt;'''Wolf Blitzer''': All right, tell us what your people who were investigating in Hawaii, what they found.&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': Oh, we don't have to go into old news. That's ''old'' news.&lt;br&gt;'''Blitzer''': Well, what did they find?&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': There's been plenty found. You can call many people. You can read many, many articles on the authenticity of the certificate. You can read many articles from just recently as to what the publisher printed in a brochure as to what Obama told him, as to where his place of birth is. And that's fine, Wolf.&lt;br&gt;Now, it's appropriate, I think, that we get to the subject of hand, which is — at hand, which is jobs, which is [[Economy of the United States|the economy]], which is how our country is not doing well at all under this leadership, which is how are we going to do something about energy, which is really that things that I wanted to talk to you about, but you like to keep going back to the place of birth.
** {{citation
 | title = The Situation Room
 | publisher = CNN
 | date = 2012-05-29
}}, quoted in {{citation
 | date = 2012-05-29
 | title = Wolf Blitzer Spars With Donald Trump Over Obama's Birth Certificate
 | author = Elizabeth Flock
 | newspaper = US News &amp; World Report
 | url = http://www.usnews.com/news/blogs/washington-whispers/2012/05/29/wolf-blitzer-spars-with-donald-trump-over-obamas-birth-certificate
}}
** Referring to a 1991 promotional booklet by literary agency Acton &amp; Dystel with bios of 89 authors, that erroneously described Barack Obama as &quot;born in Kenya&quot;.[http://www.snopes.com/politics/obama/birthers/booklet.asp]

* He [Obama] lost the popular vote by a lot and won the election. We should have a [[revolution]] in this country!
* The phoney [sic] electoral college made a laughing stock out of our nation. The loser one!
* More votes equals a loss... revolution!
* This election is a total sham and a travesty. We are not a democracy!
* The [[w:United_States_Electoral_College|electoral college]] is a disaster for a democracy.
** Tweets on November 6 and 7, 2012, some of which were later deleted. Trump falsely believed Barack Obama had lost the popular vote. [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/fact-checker/wp/2016/11/15/trumps-flip-flop-on-the-electoral-college-from-disaster-to-genius/ Trump’s flip-flop on the electoral college: From ‘disaster’ to ‘genius’]

* [[Republicans]] didn't have anything going for them with respect to {{w|Latinos}} and with respect to [[Asian people|Asians]]... The [[Democrats]] didn't have a policy for dealing with illegal immigrants, but what they did have going for them is they weren't mean-spirited about it... They didn't know what the policy was, but what they were is they were kind... He had a crazy policy of self deportation which was maniacal... It sounded as bad as it was, and he lost all of the Latino vote... He lost the Asian vote. He lost everybody who is inspired to come into this country... Take care of this incredible problem that we have with respect to [[Immigration to the United States|immigration]], with respect to people wanting to be wonderful productive citizens of this country.
** Interview with Newsmax (November 2012), quoted in {{citation|date=2015-07-10|author=Jim Geraghty|title=Trump 2008: Bush Is Evil, Talk to Iran, Obama Cannot Do Worse Than Bush|periodical=National Review|url=http://www.nationalreview.com/corner/420996/trump-2008-bush-evil-talk-iran-obama-cannot-do-worse-bush-jim-geraghty}}

*[climate change was] &quot;created by and for the Chinese in order to make US manufacturing non-competitive&quot;
** said in 2012 according to [https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-51213003 What does Trump actually believe on climate change?]
*&quot;It doesn't matter who you vote for--it matters who is counting the votes.&quot; Be careful of voter fraud!. Oct 10 2012 [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/256063573669855232]

===2013===

* Must be a pretty picture you dropping to your knees.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n7NDpHfXTCI &quot; to Brande Roderick, From The Apprentice, Season 6, Episode 1&quot;] (3 March 2013) &lt;!-- ''YouTube'' --&gt; 

* I keep asking, how long will we go on defending [[South Korea]] from [[North Korea]] without payment? South Korea is a very very rich country. They're rich because of us. They sell us [[Television|televisions]], they sell us cars. They sell us everything. They are making a fortune. We have a huge deficit with South Korea. They're friends of mine. I do deals with them. I've been partners with them, no problem. But they think we're stupid. They can't believe it. We are defending them against North Korea, we're doing it for nothing. We're not in that position. When will they start to pay us for this defense? Isn't it really ridiculous when you think of it? They make a fortune on the United States and then they got some problems, and what happens? They call the United States to defend them, and we get nothing?
**[https://www.youtube.com/watch/?v=agk9ZCrYol4 &quot;From the Desk of Donald Trump: South Korea&quot;] ''[[w:YouTube|YouTube]]'' (10 April 2013)

* I’m a very compassionate person (with a very high [[Intelligence quotient|IQ]]) with strong common sense.
** &quot;[https://edition.cnn.com/2017/10/10/politics/donald-trump-tillerson-iq/index.html Donald Trump's IQ obsession, in 22 quotes]&quot; (April 21, 2021)

* I do have a relationship and I can tell you that he's very interested in what we're doing here today, he's probably very interested in what you and I are saying today, and I'm sure he is going to be seeing it in some form. But I do have a relationship with him, and I think, er, it's very interesting to see what's happened. I mean, look, he's done a very brilliant job in terms of what he represents and who he's representing, if you look at what he's done with Syria, if you look at so many of the different things, he has really eaten our president's lunch, let's not kid ourselves.
** [http://www.msnbc.com/thomas-roberts/watch/trump-discusses-putin-in-2013-734124099973 Trump responding to a question about whether he had a relationship with Vladimir Putin during an interview with MSNBC's Thomas Roberts while visiting Moscow for the Miss Universe competition] (November 2013)

===2014===
*Healthy young child goes to doctor, gets pumped with massive shot of many vaccines, doesn't feel good and changes - AUTISM. Many such cases!
**Twitter, [https://x.com/realDonaldTrump/status/449525268529815552?lang=en 28 March 2014]

* If this doctor, who so recklessly flew into New York from West Africa, has Ebola,then Obama should apologize to the American people &amp; resign!
** [https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/trump-obama-ebola-tweet/ Snopes fact check: Did Trump Call for Obama to Resign After Ebola Doctor Returned to U.S.? (23 Oct)]

===2015===
====May 2015====
* There is a way of beating [[Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant|ISIS]] so easily, so quickly, so effectively, and it would be so nice...I know a way that would absolutely give us guaranteed victory...the problem is then everybody will take the idea, run with it and then people will forget where it came from...'''I ran it past two or three people. [It's] so simple. It's like the paper clip.'''
** On his plan to defeat ISIS (May 2015)

====June 2015====

=====[[wikipedia:Donald Trump presidential campaign, 2016#Announcement|Presidential bid announcement]] (June 16, 2015)=====
:&lt;small&gt;[https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/remarks-announcing-candidacy-for-president-new-york-city &quot;Remarks Announcing Candidacy for President in New York City&quot;], ''{{w|The American Presidency Project}}''&lt;/small&gt;

[[File:Donald_Trump_crop_2016.jpeg|thumb|Sadly, the [[American dream]] is dead. But if I get elected president, I will bring it back bigger and better and stronger than ever before, and we will [[w:Make America Great Again|make America great again]].]] 

* They all said, a lot of the pundits on television, &quot;Well, Donald will never run, and one of the main reasons is he's private and he's probably not as successful as everybody thinks.&quot; So I said to myself, you know, nobody's ever going to know unless I run, because I'm really proud of my success.

* Our country is in serious trouble. We don't have victories anymore. ... When was the last time anybody saw us beating, let's say, China in a trade deal? They kill us. ... When did we beat Japan at anything? They send their cars over by the millions, and what do we do? When was the last time you saw a [[Chevrolet]] in Tokyo? ... When do we beat Mexico at the border? '''They're laughing at us, at our stupidity.''' ... The U.S. has become a dumping ground for everybody else's problems.

* '''When Mexico sends its people, they're not sending their best.''' They're not sending you. They're not sending you. They're sending people that have lots of problems, and they're bringing those problems with us. They're bringing drugs. They're bringing crime. They're rapists. And some, I assume, are good people. But I speak to [[wikipedia:United States Border Patrol|border guards]] and they tell us what we're getting. ... They're sending us not the right people. It's coming from more than Mexico. It's coming from all over South and Latin America, and it's coming probably – probably – from the Middle East. But we don't know. Because we have no protection and we have no competence, we don't know what's happening. And it's got to stop and it's got to stop fast.

* I will build a great, great wall on our southern border. And I will have Mexico pay for that wall.

* Sadly, the American dream is dead. But if I get elected president, I will bring it back bigger and better and stronger than ever before, and we will make America great again.

====July 2015====
* '''Donald Trump''': Oh, well, if you look at the statistics, of people coming— I didn't say about Mexic— I say the ''[[illegal immigrants]]''— if you look at the statistics on [[rape]], on [[crime]], on everything, coming in illegally into this country, they're mind-boggling. If you go to [[w:Fusion News|Fusion]], you will see a story about 80% of the women coming in– I mean, you have to take a look at these stories. And you know who owns Fusion? [[w:Univision|Univision]]. It was in ''[[w:The Huffington Post|The Huffington Post]]''. I said, let me get some of these articles because I've heard some horrible things. I deal&lt;!--sic--&gt; a lot of talking with people on the border patrol. They're incredible people. They help our country.&lt;br&gt;'''Don Lemon''': But I want some clarification–&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': No, but Don, all you have to do is go to Fusion and pick up the stories on ''rape'', and it's unbelievable when you look at what's going on. So all I'm doing is telling the truth.&lt;br&gt;'''Lemon''': I've read ''The Washington Post'', I read the Fusion, I read ''The Huffington Post''. And that's about women ''being'' raped, it's not about criminals coming across the border entering the country.&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': Somebody's doing the raping, Don, I mean, you know– I mean, somebody's doing it. You think it's women being raped, well who's doing the raping? Who's doing the raping? I mean how can you say such a thing. So, the problem is you have to stop illegal immigration coming across the border. You have to create a strong border. If you don't, we don't have a country.
**{{citation
 | date = 2015-07-01
 | title = The Situation Room
 | medium = TV
 | publisher = CNN
 | url = http://www.cnn.com/2015/07/01/politics/donald-trump-immigrants-raping-comments/
}}

[[File:Donald_Trump_by_Gage_Skidmore_2.jpg|thumb|I can't apologize for the truth.]]
* '''I can never apologize for the truth. I don't mind apologizing for things but I can't apologize for the truth.'''
** {{citation
 | date = 2015-07-02
 | title = TRUMP: 'I use the word rape and all of a sudden everyone goes crazy'
 | author = 
 | newspaper = finance.yahoo.com
 | url = https://finance.yahoo.com/news/trump-word-rape-sudden-everyone-172614480.html
}}

*The Obama Administration's agreement with Iran is very dangerous. Iran developing a nuclear weapon, either through uranium or nuclear fuel, and defying the world is still a very real possibility. The inspections will not be followed, and Iran will no longer have any sanctions. Iran gets everything and loses nothing. Every promise the Obama Administration made in the beginning of negotiations, including the vow (made at the beginning of the negotiations) to get our great American prisoners returned to the U. S. has been broken. This is a bad deal that sets a dangerous precedent. This deal sets off a nuclear arms race in the Middle East, which is the most-unstable region in the world. It is a horrible and perhaps catastrophic event for [[Israel]]. Furthermore, we should have kept the billions of dollars we have agreed to pay them. Any great dealmaker would know this is a perfect example of &quot;tapping along&quot; and because they have been unchecked for so long throughout this extremely lengthy process, I guarantee they are much closer to producing a nuclear weapon than they were at the start of negotiations. The fact is, the US has incompetent leaders and even more incompetent negotiators. We must do better for America and the world. We have to [[Make America Great Again]].
**[https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/statement-donald-j-trump-the-iran-agreement Statement by Donald J. Trump on the Iran Agreement], ''American Presidency Project'', 14 July 2015

* And I had an idea recently. When they send illegals into our country, we charge Mexico $100,000 for every illegal that crosses that border because it's trouble.
** {{citation
 | date = 2015-07-15
 | title = Fox News &quot;Hannity&quot;- Transcript: Trump On El Chappo And Undocumented Immigration
 | author = 
 | newspaper = Fox News
 | url = https://votesmart.org/public-statement/1113598/fox-news-hannity-transcript-trump-on-el-chappo-and-undocumented-immigration#.XxcUdZMzbOQ
}}

* '''Donald Trump:''' 15,000 people showed up to hear me speak. Bigger than anybody and everybody knows it. A beautiful day with incredible people that were wonderful, great Americans, I will tell you. [[John McCain]] goes, &quot;Oh, boy, Trump makes my job difficult. He had 15,000 ''crazies'' show up.&quot; Crazies. He called them all crazy. I said, they weren't crazy. They were great Americans. These people— if you would have seen these people— you— I know what a crazy is. I know all about crazies. These weren't crazy. So he insulted me and he insulted everybody in that room...&lt;br&gt;'''Frank Luntz:''' He's a war hero.&lt;br&gt;'''Donald Trump:''' He's not a war hero.&lt;br&gt;'''Luntz:''' He's a war hero.&lt;br&gt;'''Trump:''' He is a war hero—&lt;br&gt;'''Luntz:''' Five and a half years in a POW camp.&lt;br&gt;'''Trump:''' He's a war hero 'cause he was captured. I like people that weren't captured, OK? I hate to tell you.&lt;br&gt;'''Luntz:''' Do you agree with that?&lt;br&gt;'''Trump:''' He's a war hero. He's a war hero because he was captured, OK? You can have— and I believe— perhaps he's a war hero, but— but right now he said some very bad things about a lot of people.
** Family Leadership Summit 2015, quoted in {{citation
 | date = 2015-07-18
 | title = Donald Trump tells John McCain: 'I like people who weren't captured'
 | author = Harriet Alexander
 | newspaper = The Telegraph
 | url = http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/republicans/11748859/Donald-Trump-tells-John-McCain-I-like-people-who-werent-captured.html
}}

* Look, having nuclear—my uncle was a great professor and [[Scientists|scientist]] and [[Engineering|engineer]], Dr. John Trump at [[Massachusetts Institute of Technology|MIT]]; good genes, very good genes, OK, very smart, the [[w:Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania|Wharton School of Finance]], very good, very smart—you know, if you're a [[Conservatism|conservative]] Republican, if I were a [[Liberalism|liberal]], if, like, OK, if I ran as a liberal Democrat, they would say I'm one of the smartest people anywhere in the world—it's true!—but when you're a conservative Republican they try—oh, do they do a number—that's why I always start off: Went to Wharton, was a good student, went there, went there, did this, built a fortune—you know I have to give my like credentials all the time, because we're a little disadvantaged—but you look at the nuclear deal, the thing that really bothers me—it would have been so easy, and it's not as important as these lives are (nuclear is powerful; my uncle explained that to me many, many years ago, the power and that was 35&amp;nbsp;years ago; he would explain the power of what's going to happen and he was right—who would have thought?), but when you look at what's going on with the four prisoners—now it used to be three, now it's four—but when it was three and even now, I would have said it's all in the messenger; fellas, and it is fellas because, you know, they don't, they haven't figured that the women are smarter right now than the men, so, you know, it's gonna take them about another 150&amp;nbsp;years—but the Persians are great negotiators, the Iranians are great negotiators, so, and they, they just killed, they just killed us.
** {{citation
 | date = 2015-07-21
 | title = Speech in Sun City, South Carolina
 | author =
 | newspaper = Slate
 | url = http://www.slate.com/blogs/lexicon_valley/2015/07/31/donald_trump_this_run_on_sentence_from_a_speech_in_sun_city_south_carolina.html
}}

* If you can't get rich dealing with politicians, there's something wrong with you.
** [http://www.motherjones.com/mojo/2015/07/donald-trump-campaign-speech-lindsey-graham Campaign Rally in South Carolina]
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ImhJ2sFBJmA YouTube]&lt;!--[Has to add exactly minute and second in this video]--&gt;

* I'm a Republican, I'm a conservative, I'm in first place, I want to run as a Republican and I think I'll get the nomination... [&lt;nowiki/&gt;[[Hillary Clinton]]] is easily the worst Secretary of State in the history of the country. She's going to be beaten and I'm the one to beat her.
** {{citation
 | date = 2015-07-23
 | title = Donald Trump tours Mexican border with Texas
 | author = 
 | newspaper = BBC
 | url = http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-33645971
}}

* '''Jose Diaz-Balart:''' Mr. Trump, you know 53,000 [[w:Hispanic-American|Hispanics]] turn 18 years of age in this country every month, born in the country of voting age. 54 million plus Hispanics — many feel that what you said when you said that the people who cross the border are rapists and murderers—&lt;br&gt;'''Donald Trump:''' No, no, no! We're talking about [[w:Illegal immigration in the United States|illegal immigration]] and everybody understands that. And you know what? That's a typical case. That's a typical case of the press with misinterpretation. They take a half a sentence, they take a half a sentence, then they take quarter of a sentence and put it all together. It's a typical thing...&lt;br&gt;'''Diaz-Balart:''' I'm not finished with my question.&lt;br&gt;'''Trump:''' No, no! You're finished!
**{{citation
 | date = 2015-07-23
 | title = Crowd Erupts in Applause at How Donald Trump Handles MSNBC Host at Presser: 'You're Finished!'
 | author = Oliver Darcy
 | newspaper = TheBlaze
 | url = http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2015/07/23/crowd-erupts-in-applause-at-how-donald-trump-handles-msnbc-host-at-presser-youre-finished/
}}

* I think that I would be a great uniter. I think that I would have great diplomatic skills. I think that I would be able to get along with people very well. I've had a great success in my life. I think the world would unite if I were the leader of the United States.
** {{citation
 | date = 2015-07-30
 | title = Trump: 'World would unite if I were the leader'
 | author = Jesse Byrnes
 | newspaper = The Hill
 | url = http://thehill.com/blogs/ballot-box/presidential-races/249875-trump-world-would-unite-if-i-were-the-leader
}}

====August 2015====
[[File:Donald_Trump_by_Gage_Skidmore_3.jpg|thumb|I do whine because I want to win and I’m not happy about not winning and I am a whiner and I keep whining and whining until I win.]]
* I think the big problem this country has is being [[Political correctness|politically correct]].
** Republican Presidential Debate 2015 — {{citation
 | date = 2015-08-06
 | title = Annotated transcript: The Aug. 6 GOP debate
 | author = 
 | newspaper = The Washington Post
 | url = https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-politics/wp/2015/08/06/annotated-transcript-the-aug-6-gop-debate/
}}

* You could see there was blood coming out of her eyes, blood coming out of her wherever.
** [http://edition.cnn.com/2015/08/08/politics/donald-trump-cnn-megyn-kelly-comment/ On Megyn Kelly] (7 August 2015)

* I cherish women. I want to help women. I'm going to do things for women that no other candidate will be able to do.
** {{citation
 | date = 2015-08-09
 | title = 12 times Donald Trump declared his 'respect' for women
 | author = Gregoy Krieg
 | newspaper = CNN
 | url = https://edition.cnn.com/2016/10/07/politics/donald-trump-respect-women/index.html
}}

* I will be phenomenal to the women. I mean, I want to help women.
** ''Face the Nation'', 9 August 2015

*I think there has to be a trust. There actually has to be a trust. If you don't trust, you're not going to do very well.
**In response to a reporter's line of questioning on what his specific plans will be to achieve the goals of his campaign. [http://www.cnsnews.com/news/article/melanie-hunter/trump-specifics-his-proposals-trust-me &quot;Trump on Specifics of His Proposals: ‘Trust Me'&quot;] (12 August 2015), by Melanie Hunter

* We have to keep the families together, but they have to go. What if they have no place to go?
** During the [[w:Iowa State Fair|Iowa State Fair]] (2015 August 15)

* You know, when you put out policy, like a 14-point plan? A lot of times in the first hour of negotiation, that 14-point plan goes astray, but you may end up with a better deal. That's the way it works. That's the way really life works. When I do a deal, I don't say, &quot;Oh, here's 14 points.&quot; I got out and do it. I don't sit down and talk about 14 points.
** Appearance at Iowa State Fair - {{citation
 | date = 2015-08-15
 | title = Donald Trump's surprisingly savvy analysis of American politics
 | author =
 | newspaper = The Washington Post
 | url= http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-fix/wp/2015/08/16/donald-trumps-surprisingly-savvy-comment-about-american-politics/
}} {{Paywalled source}}

*What's the difference between a wet raccoon and Donald J. Trump's hair? A wet raccoon doesn't have seven billion fucking dollars in the bank.
**20 August 2015 roast on Comedy Central [https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-roast-364701 transcribed by Newsweek]

* Hillary Clinton was the worst [[United States Secretary of State|Secretary of State]] in the history of the country. The world came apart under her reign... I will be the one to beat Hillary.&lt;br&gt;If you start adding it up, our real unemployment rate is 42%.
** {{citation
 | date = 2015-08-20
 | title = Donald Trump Explains All
 | author = 
 | newspaper = Time
 | url = http://time.com/4003734/donald-trump-interview-transcript/
}}. For a discussion of this figure, see [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/02/11/upshot/the-real-jobless-rate-is-42-percent-donald-trump-has-a-point-sort-of.html &quot;The Real Jobless Rate Is 42 Percent? Donald Trump Has a Point, Sort Of&quot;] by Neil Irwin, ''The New York Times'' (10 February 2016).

* You've seen my statements, I do very well, I don't mind paying some taxes. The [[w:Middle class|middle class]] is getting clobbered in this country. You know the middle class built this country, not the hedge fund guys, but I know people in hedge funds that pay almost nothing and it's ridiculous.
** Interview on [[w:Bloomberg News|Bloomberg]]'s ''With All Due Respect'' — {{citation
 | date = 2015-08-26
 | title = Donald Trump Says He Wants to Raise Taxes on Himself
 | author = David Knowles
 | newspaper = Bloomberg
 | url = http://www.bloomberg.com/politics/articles/2015-08-26/donald-trump-says-he-wants-to-raise-taxes-on-himself
}}

* I do whine because I want to win and I’m not happy about not winning and I am a whiner and I keep whining and whining until I win.
** Interview with [[w:Chris Cuomo|Chris Cuomo]]{{citation
| date = 2015-08-11
| title =  Donald Trump: ‘I keep whining and whining until I win’ 
| author = Jeremy Diamond
| newspaper = CNN
| url = https://www.cnn.com/2015/08/11/politics/donald-trump-refutes-third-party-run-report/index.html}}

====September 2015====
* We're a nation that speaks English. I think that, while we're in this nation, we should be speaking English... that's how we assimilate.
** {{citation
 | date = 2015-09-03
 | title = Donald Trump: &quot;While We're in This Nation, We Should Be Speaking English&quot;
 | newspaper = The Hollywood Reporter
 | url = http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/donald-trump-speak-english-spanish-820215
}}

* &quot;''Look'' at that face! [of [[Carly Fiorina]]] Would anyone ''vote'' for that? Can you imagine that, the face of our next ''president''?!&quot;
** {{citation
 | date = 2015-09-09
 | title = Trump Seriously: On the Trail With the GOP's Tough Guy
 | newspaper = Rolling Stone
 | url = http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/news/trump-seriously-20150909
}}

* The fact is all lives matter. That includes black, and it includes white, and it includes everybody else. And we have... Democrats that are afraid to even say that.
** As quoted in {{citation
 | date = 2015-09-09
 | title = Donald Trump trashes Black Lives Matter: 'I think they're trouble'
 | author = Colin Campbell
 | newspaper = Business Insider
 | url = http://uk.businessinsider.com/donald-trump-black-lives-matter-2015-9?r=US&amp;IR=T
}}

* This is a country where we speak English, not Spanish.
** Criticizing Jeb Bush for speaking Spanish on the campaign trail during a Republican Presidential Debate on CNN (16 September 2015)

* '''Audience member''': We have a problem in this country, it's called Muslims. Our current President is one. We know he's not even an American. We have training camps growing where they want to kill us. That's my question, when can we get rid of them? &lt;br&gt;'''Donald Trump''': We're going to be looking at a lot of different things. A lot of people are saying that and a lot of people are saying that bad things are happening out there. We're going to be looking at that and a lot of different things.
** At a town hall meeting in New Hampshire — as quoted in {{citation
 | date = 2015-09-17
 | title = Here's How Donald Trump Responded to a Person Saying President Obama is Muslim
 | author = Maya Rhodan
 | newspaper = Time
 | url = http://time.com/4039658/trump-obama-muslim/
}}

* Am I morally obligated to defend the president every time somebody says something bad or controversial about him? I don't think so!
* This is the first time in my life that I have caused controversy by NOT saying something.
** Tweets — quoted in {{citation
 | date = 2015-09-20
 | title = Trump defend Obama? 'I don't think so!'
 | author = Doina Chiacu
 | newspaper = Reuters
 | url = http://www.reuters.com/article/2015/09/20/us-usa-election-trump-idUSKCN0RJ0KT20150920
}}

* You can be politically correct if you want, but are you trying to say we don't have a problem? ... Most Muslims, like most everything, I mean, these are fabulous people... But we certainly do have a problem, I mean, you have a problem throughout the world. ... It wasn't people from Sweden that blew up the World Trade Center.
** On CNN's &quot;State of the Union&quot; with Jake Tapper — as quoted in {{citation
 | date = 2015-09-20
 | title = Trump: 'We certainly do have a problem' with some Muslims
 | author = Timothy Cama
 | newspaper = The Hill
 | url = http://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/254307-trump-we-certainly-do-have-a-problem-with-some-muslims
}}

* The first thing I'd do in my first day as president is close up our borders so that illegal immigrants cannot come into our country.
** Twitter question and answer session from Twitter's New York office — as quoted in {{citation
 | date = 2015-09-21
 | title = Trump: I'll close US borders 'in my first day'
 | author = Jesse Byrnes
 | newspaper = The Hill
 | url = http://thehill.com/blogs/ballot-box/presidential-races/254391-trump-ill-close-us-borders-in-my-first-day
}}

* You ever see guys with nothing on their desk? They always fail. I don't know what it is. I've seen it for years.
** Explaining his messy desk, ''The New York Times Magazine'' interview. {{citation
 | date=2015-09-21
 | title=Donald Trump is not going anywhere
 | author = Mark Leibovich
 | newspaper = The New York Times Magazine
 | url = http://www.nytimes.com/2015/10/04/magazine/donald-trump-is-not-going-anywhere.html
}}

* Why aren't we letting ISIS go and fight Assad and then we pick up the remnants?
** [http://www.cbsnews.com/news/donald-trump-60-minutes-scott-pelley/ Interview in ''60 Minutes''], 2015-09-27
** Cited by [[Mitt Romney]] in [http://uk.businessinsider.com/mitt-romney-donald-trump-isis-60-minutes-ridiculous-2016-3?r=US&amp;IR=T ''Business Insider''], 2016-03-03

* I will tell you in terms of leadership he is getting an 'A,' and our president is not doing so well. They did not look good together.
** {{citation |date=2015-09-30 |author=Reena Flores |title=Donald Trump gives Russia's Putin an 'A' in leadership |periodical=CBS News |url=https://www.cbsnews.com/news/donald-trump-gives-russias-putin-an-a-in-leadership/}}

====October 2015====
*All my friends who work out all the time, they’re going for knee replacements, hip replacements — they’re a disaster
**4 October 2015 interview with [https://www.nytimes.com/2015/10/04/magazine/donald-trump-is-not-going-anywhere.html New York Times]

* I've always said, if you run for president, you shouldn't be allowed to use teleprompters. Because you don't even know if the guy is smart.
** Norcross, Georgia, {{#formatdate:2015-10-10}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2016-07-21 |title=Teleprompter Trump: the right temperament or low-energy Donald? |author=Joe Concha |periodical=The Hill |url=https://thehill.com/blogs/pundits-blog/presidential-campaign/288626-teleprompter-trump-the-right-temperament-or-low}}

* He was such a nice guy. And he said, Oh, I'm never going to attack. But then his poll numbers tanked. He's got -- that's why he's on the end -- and he got nasty. And he got nasty. So you know what? You can have him.
** Response to [[John Kasich]] {{citation
| date=2015-10-28
|title= CNBC Republican debate transcript
|newspaper = CNBC
|url = http://www.cnbc.com/2015/10/29/cnbc-full-transcript-cnbcs-your-money-your-vote-the-republican-presidential-debate-part-2.html
}} 

====November 2015====
* '''Trump''': I'm Donald Trump, and I'm running for president. Our country is in deep trouble because let's face it: politics are all talk and no action. My opponents have no experience in creating jobs or making deals. The fact is, I'm going to make the greatest trade deals we've ever made in our country. And I'm going to bring jobs and money back to the United States. I'll take care of our veterans and make our military so strong that nobody will ever mess with us. I'll secure our borders, and yes, we will have a wall. You can't have a country without borders. [[w:Affordable Care Act|Obamacare]] is a great plan . It will be repealed and replaced with something much better. If the people of Iowa vote for me, you'll never be disappointed. I don't disappoint people, I produce. Together, we're going to [[w:Make America Great Again|Make America Great Again]]. I'm Donald Trump, candidate for president, and I hate this message.&lt;br&gt;'''Female V/O''': Paid for by Donald J. Trump for President, Inc.
** Radio ad aired in Iowa (5 November 2015)

* Watch and study the [[Mosque|mosques]], because a lot of talk is going on at the mosques.
** As quoted in [http://www.cnn.com/2015/11/16/politics/donald-trump-paris-attacks-close-mosques/index.html &quot;Donald Trump: 'Strongly consider' shutting mosques&quot;] (16 November 2015), by Gregory Krieg, ''CNN'' (2015), Atlanta, Georgia: Cable News Network.

* I would certainly implement that. Absolutely... There should be a lot of systems, beyond databases. We should have a lot of systems... They have to be. They have to be... It's all about management.
** As quoted in [http://www.people.com/article/donald-trump-muslim-database-syrian-refugees &quot;Donald Trump Says He Supports a Database and ID Cards to Track Muslims in the U.S.: 'We're Going to Have to Look at the Mosques'&quot;] (20 November 2015), by Char Adams, ''People''.

* Somebody said I’m the Ernest Hemingway of 140 characters.
** Quoted by {{citation
| date=2015-11-20
|title= Trump says he’s the Hemingway of Twitter
|newspaper = The Hill
| author = Bradford Richardson
|url = https://thehill.com/blogs/ballot-box/gop-primaries/260949-trump-says-hes-the-hemingway-of-twitter
}} 

* Get him the hell out of here.
** As quoted in [http://www.cbsnews.com/news/trump-supporters-black-lives-matter-protester-clash-at-rally/ &quot;Trump supporters, Black Lives Matter protester clash at rally&quot;] (21 November 2015), by Reena Flores, ''CBS News'', CBS Interactive, Inc.

*I watched when the World Trade Center came tumbling down. And I watched in [[w:Jersey City, New Jersey|Jersey City, N.J.]], where thousands and thousands of people were cheering as that building was coming down. Thousands of people were cheering.&lt;br&gt;It was on television. I saw it. It was well covered at the time, George. Now, I know they don't like to talk about it, but it was well covered at the time. There were people over in [[New Jersey]] that were watching it, a heavy Arab population, that were cheering as the buildings came down. Not good.
**21 November 2015 speech in [[w:Birmingham, Alabama|Birmingham, Alabama]], then next-day reply to [[George Stephanopoulos]], according to [https://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2015/nov/22/donald-trump/fact-checking-trumps-claim-thousands-new-jersey-ch/ 22 November 2015 PolitiFact article]

* Written by a nice reporter. Now the poor guy - you ought to see the guy: ‘Uhh I don't know what I said. I don't remember!' He's going, ‘I don't remember! Maybe that's what I said.'
** As quoted in [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PX9reO3QnUA&amp;t=15 &quot;Trump mocks reporter with disability&quot;] (25 November 2015 by CNN) and [http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/donald-trump/12019097/Donald-Trump-accused-of-mocking-disabled-reporter.html &quot;Donald Trump accused of mocking disabled reporter&quot;] (26 November 2015), by Rob Crilly regarding [[Serge Kovaleski]]

=====''[[wikipedia:Crippled America|Crippled America: How to Make America Great Again]]'' (November 2015)=====
:published 3 November 2015

* The enthusiasm was based on pure love and love of what we were doing.
** Preface, p. xiv

* The fact is I give people what they need and deserve to hear - exactly what they don't get from politicians - and that is The Truth. Our country is a mess right now and we don't have time to pretend otherwise. We don't have time to waste on being politically correct.
** p. 8

* I use the media the way the media uses me—to attract attention. Once I have that attention, it's up to me to use it to my advantage.
** p. 10

* I've seen these so-called journalists flat-out lie. I say that because incompetence doesn't begin to explain the inaccurate stories they have written.
** p. 12

* Our country, our people, and our laws have to be our top priority.
** p. 30

* Citizenship is not a gift we can afford to keep giving away.
** p. 28

* I want good people to come here from all over the world, but I want them to do so legally. We can expedite the process, we can reward achievement and excellence, but we have to respect the legal process. And those people who take advantage of the system and come here illegally should never enjoy the benefits of being a resident--or citizen--of this nation. So I am against any path to citizenship for undocumented workers or anyone else who is in this country illegaly. They should--and need to--go home and get in line.
** p. 30

* Depending on the price of oil, Saudi Arabia earns somewhere between half a billion and a billion dollars every day. They wouldn't exist, let alone have that wealth, without our protection. We get nothing from them. Nothing. We defend Germany. We defend Japan. We defend South Korea. These are powerful and wealthy countries. We get nothing from them. It's time to change all that. It's time to win again.
** p. 34

* When Kuwait was attacked by Saddam Hussein, all the wealthy Kuwaitis ran to Paris. They didn't just rent suites—they took up whole buildings, entire hotels. They lived like kings while their country was occupied. Who did they turn to for help? Who else? Uncle Sucker. That's us.
** p. 34

* We can't be afraid to use our military, but sending our sons and daughters should be the very last resort. I've seen what wars do to our kids. I've seen their broken bodies, know all about the horrors that live in their heads, and the enormous effects of trauma. We cannot commit American troops to battle without a real and tangible objective.
** p. 35

* To me, for politicians to claim that we have an answer to every problem is silly. When you listen to some politicians reeling off their prepared answers, you almost fall for it. They're all experts. But nothing ever happens.
** p. 73

* I manage to blast through the ridiculous liberal bias of the media and speak right to the hearts of the people - or at least I try.
** p. 80

* It's not just jobs that are being lost to other countries. We are seeing whole industries vanish overseas.
** p. 85

* A great leader has to be flexible, holding his ground on the major principles but finding room for compromises that can bring people together. A great leader has to be savvy at negotiations so we don't drown every bill in pork barrel bridges to nowhere. I know how to stand my ground — but I also know that Republicans and Democrats need to find common ground to stand on as well.
** p. 96

* We look at politicians and think: This one's owned by this millionaire. That one's owned by that millionaire, or lobbyist, or special interest group. Me? I speak for the people. So the establishment attacks me. They can't own me, they can't dictate to me, so they search for ways to dismiss me.
** p. 97

====December 2015====
* My policy has always been the same. We're fighting ISIS and Assad is fighting ISIS, but we're backing rebels to fight [[w:Bashar al-Assad|Assad]]. You can't fight everybody, you have to pick who you want to fight. And now you've got [[Turkey]], who like ISIS more than they like others, no one really knows because we don't have people that know what they're doing. So in my opinion, you go along, and [[Russia]] does not like ISIS, and people are starting to find out. I mean in all fairness lost an airplane, got blew out of the air. So Russia is not a fan of ISIS. Russia is bombing the hell out of them, starting to bomb them. I say isis is our number one threat. We can't be fighting everybody at the same time. ISIS is our number one threat. I would bomb the hell out of them -- I like to do one thing at a time. I would knock the hell out of ISIS. I would hit them ... so hard like they've never been hit before.
** In an interview with ''{{w|Fox &amp; Friends}}''. [http://www.politico.com/story/2015/12/trump-kill-isil-families-216343] (December 2, 2015)

* They're using them as shields. It's a horrible thing. They're using them as shields. But we're fighting a very politically correct war. And the other thing is with the terrorists. You have to take out their families. When you get these terrorists, you have to take out their families. They care about their lives. Don't kid yourself. But they say they don't care about their lives. You have to take out their families.
** When asked how he would deal with civilian casualties. In an interview with ''{{w|Fox &amp; Friends}}''. [http://www.politico.com/story/2015/12/trump-kill-isil-families-216343] (December 2, 2015)

* If you're in the [[w:White House|White House]], who wants to take a vacation?  You're in the White House!… What's better than the White House?  Why these vacations? 
**[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cC_3IxKcQIA Hardball with Chris Matthews, August 4, 2017] December 5, 2015 rally

* Donald J. Trump is calling for a total and complete shutdown of Muslims entering the United States until our country's representatives can figure out what is going on... According to Pew Research, among others, there is great hatred towards Americans by large segments of the Muslim population. Most recently, a poll from the [[w:Center for Security Policy|Center for Security Policy]] released data showing &quot;25% of those polled agreed that violence against Americans here in the United States is justified as a part of the global jihad&quot; and 51% of those polled, &quot;agreed that Muslims in America should have the choice of being governed according to [[Sharia|Shariah]].&quot; Shariah authorizes such atrocities as murder against non-believers who won't convert, beheadings and more unthinkable acts that pose great harm to Americans, especially women.
**[https://www.donaldjtrump.com/press-releases/donald-j.-trump-statement-on-preventing-muslim-immigration Statement on Preventing Muslim Immigration] (December 7, 2015) archived [https://archive.ph/TK7qR here]

* We are losing a lot of people to the Internet. We have to do something. We have to go see [[Bill Gates]] and a lot of different people that really understand what's happening. We have to talk to them [about], maybe in certain areas, closing that Internet up in some way. '''Some people will say, ‘[[Freedom of speech]], Freedom of speech'. These are foolish people.'''
** [https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2015/dec/08/googles-eric-schmidt-spell-checkers-hate-harassment-terrorism Google's Eric Schmidt calls for 'spell-checkers for hate and harassment'], 8 December 2015, by Alex Hern.

* We have places in [[London]] and other places that are so radicalised that the [[police]] are afraid for their own lives. We have to be very smart and very vigilant.
** As quoted in [http://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/donald-trump-claims-parts-of-london-are-so-radicalised-police-officers-are-afraid-for-their-lives-a6765026.html &quot;Donald Trump claims parts of London are 'so radicalised' police officers are 'afraid for their lives'&quot;] by Rose Troup Buchanan, ''[[w:The Independent|The Independent]]'' (8 December 2015); also in [http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3352406/Scotland-Yard-mocks-Trump-s-claims-London-police-terrified-Muslim-areas-officers-claim-tycoon-RIGHT.html &quot;'Trump's not wrong – we can't wear uniform in our OWN cars': Five police officers claim Donald Trump is RIGHT about parts of London being so 'radicalised' they are no-go areas&quot;] by Martin Robinson, ''Daily Mail Online'' (9 December 2015)

* These are people that are outside the country, so we're really not talking about the [[U.S. Constitution|Constitution]]. And it's not about religion. This is about safety. This has nothing to do with religion. It's about safety.
** Interview on ABC's &quot;Life with Kelly and Michael&quot;, as quoted in [http://thehill.com/blogs/ballot-box/presidential-races/262615-trump-muslim-ban-not-about-religion &quot;Trump: Muslim ban 'not about religion'&quot;] by Jesse Byrnes, ''The Hill'' (9 December 2015)

* We're doing really well with the [[Evangelicalism in the United States|evangelicals]], and, by the way: And again, I do like [[Ted Cruz]] -- but not a lot of [[Evangelicalism|evangelicals]] come out of [[Cuba]], in all fairness. It's true. Not a lot come out. But I like him nevertheless. But I think we're going to do great, and we are doing great with evangelicals.&lt;br&gt;I'm with you. I'm with everybody. I'm with everybody, look, I'm self-funding. I have no oil company. I have no special [[interest]]. I have no lobbyists.&lt;br&gt;Well look he's from [[Texas]] -- to the best of my knowledge, there's a lot of oil in Texas, right? So, he gets a lot of money from the oil companies, and he's against ethanol and everything you're else talking about. And I'm not I'm totally in favor. And you know it's a big industry here, it's a big industry. You know if that industry is upset Iowa's got problems.&lt;br&gt;I really do, I like Ted Cruz a lot, I would say that we would certainly have things in mind for Ted, to be honest with you. I mean, he's somebody that I could certainly say that [about] because I like him.
**11 December 2015 during a rally in Iowa, according to [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-politics/wp/2015/12/11/donald-trump-questions-ted-cruzs-ties-to-major-oil-companies/ Washington Post article] by Jenna Johnson, [http://www.cbsnews.com/news/in-iowa-donald-trump-hits-ted-cruz-on-ethanol-and-religion/ CBS News article] by Kylie Atwood, and [https://web.archive.org/web/20151213223442/http://blogs.reuters.com/talesfromthetrail/2015/12/12/donald-trump-and-ted-cruz-are-best-of-frenemies/ Reuters article] by Emily Stephenson

* We're rounding 'em up in a very humane way, in a very nice way. And they're going to be happy because they want to be legalized. And, by the way, I know it doesn't sound nice. But not everything is nice.
**27 December 2015 on ''60 Minutes''

* I know words. I have the best words.
**30 December 2015 [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kn283OjPb1g speech in Hilton Head Island, South Carolina] reported by [https://gawker.com/yet-another-bold-claim-from-donald-trump-i-know-words-1750331997 Gawker] and [https://dailycaller.com/2015/12/30/trump-i-know-words-i-have-the-best-words-obama-is-stupid-video/ The Daily Caller]

* I'm trying to figure out, let's see, I'm in my room, in [[New York City|New York city]], and I want to put a little spray, so I can, you know [mimes spraying] right, right, but I hear they don't want me to use the hairspray, they want me to use the pump, because the other one, which I really like better than going [mimes pumping] bang, bang, bang, and then it comes out in big globs, right, and it's stuck in your hair and you say, &quot;Oh my god I've got to take a shower again, my hair's all screwed up&quot;, right, I want to use hairspray, but they say &quot;Don't use hairspray, it's bad for the ozone&quot;, so I'm sitting in this concealed [sic] apartment, this concealed unit (you know I do live in a very apartment, right) but it's sealed (it's beautiful) I don't think anything gets out, and I'm not supposed to be using hairspray!
**30 December 2015 [https://www.c-span.org/video/?402610-1/donald-trump-campaign-rally-hilton-head-south-carolina speaking at a rally in Hilton Head, SC]

===2016===
====January 2016====
[[File:Donald_Trump_by_Gage_Skidmore_4.jpg|thumb|I'm very angry. Because our country is being run horribly. I will gladly accept the mantle of anger. Our military is a disaster. Our healthcare is a horror show. Obamacare, we're going to repeal it and replace it.&lt;br&gt;
We have no borders. Our vets are being treated horribly. Illegal immigration is beyond belief! Our country is being run by incompetent people and yes, I am angry. I'm angry because our country is a mess!]]
* The entire world has been upset. The entire world, it's a different place. During Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton's term, she's done a horrible job.&lt;br&gt;She has caused death. She has caused tremendous death with incompetent decisions. I was against the [[war in Iraq]]. I wasn't a politician, but I was against the war in Iraq. She voted for the war in Iraq.&lt;br&gt;Look at {{w|Libya}}. That was her baby. Look. I mean, I'm not even talking about the ambassador and the people with the ambassador. Young, wonderful people. With messages coming in by the hundreds, and she's not even responding. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about all of the death that's been caused and not only our side.&lt;br&gt;There was nothing saved. If we would have never done anything in the Middle East, we would have a much safer world right now. ... All of this has led to the migration. All of this has led to tremendous death and destruction. And she for the most part was in charge of it along with Obama.&lt;br&gt;She's constantly playing the woman card. It's the only way she may get elected. I mean frankly... Personally, I'm not sure that anybody else other than me is going to beat her. And I think she's a flawed candidate. And you see what's happened recently. And it hasn't been a very pretty picture for her or for Bill. Because I'm the only one that's willing to talk about his problems. I mean, what he did and what he has gone through I think is frankly terrible, especially if she wants to play the woman card.&lt;br&gt;I have more respect for women by far than Hillary Clinton has. And I will do more for women than Hillary Clinton will. I will do far more including the protection of our country. She caused a lot of the problems that we have right now.
** CBS interview with John Dickerson (taped 1 January 2016) for ''[[wikipedia:Face the Nation|Face the Nation]]'' — as quoted in [http://www.politico.com/story/2016/01/trump-hillary-clinton-donald-217294 &quot;Trump: Clinton has ruined the world&quot;] by Nick Gass, ''Politico'' (3 January 2016)

* They've created ISIS. Hillary Clinton created ISIS with Obama; created with Obama. But I love predicting because you know, ultimately, you need somebody with vision.
** At a rally, as quoted in [http://www.businessinsider.com/donald-trump-hillary-clinton-created-isis-obama-2016-1 &quot;TRUMP: 'Hillary Clinton created ISIS with Obama'&quot;] by Colin Campbell, ''Business Insider'' (3 January 2016)

* She [Clinton] has a terrible record as secretary of state. I mean, she's literally created ISIS. If you look at her, between her and Obama, they're the ones — we have this big ISIS problem they created with their bad policies and their bad thinking.
** On ''[[wikipedia:Fox &amp; Friends|Fox &amp; Friends]]'', as quoted in [http://www.businessinsider.com/donald-trump-hillary-clinton-created-isis-obama-2016-1 &quot;TRUMP: 'Hillary Clinton created ISIS with Obama'&quot;] by Colin Campbell, ''Business Insider'' (3 January 2016)

* Mexico is going to be the new China because what they're doing to us is unbelievable, although they did catch El Chapo. Good? Good? They did catch El Chapo, that's good. I mean I don't know, he better not escape a third time, you know? Those tunnels, bing, boom, right under the toilet, bing boom, right up. It's pretty amazing when you think about it, right? But anyway. I have an idea: Put him on the fourth floor this time, right? No more, no more first floors.
** Speech (9 January 2016), as quoted in [http://www.cbsnews.com/news/el-chapo-on-donald-trump-mi-amigo/ &quot;El Chapo on Donald Trump: 'Mi Amigo!&quot;], by Rebecca Kaplan, ''CBS News'' (10 January 2016).

* I'm very angry because our country is being run horribly and I will gladly accept the mantle of anger. Our military is a disaster. Our healthcare is a horror show. Obamacare, we're going to repeal it and replace it. We have no borders. Our vets are being treated horribly. Illegal immigration is beyond belief. Our country is being run by incompetent people. And yes, I am angry. I'm angry because our country is a mess.
** [http://time.com/4182096/republican-debate-charleston-transcript-full-text/ Full Transcript of the Sixth Republican Debate in Charleston], ''[[wikipedia:Time (magazine)|Time]]'' (14 January 2016).

* And just so — if I could, because he insulted a lot of people. I've had more calls on that statement that [[Ted Cruz|Ted]] made — New York is a great place. It's got great people, it's got loving people, wonderful people. When the World Trade Center came down, I saw something that no place on [[Earth]] could have handled more beautifully, more humanely than New York. You had two one hundred, you had two 110-story buildings come crashing down. I saw them come down. Thousands of people killed, and the cleanup started the next day, and it was the most horrific cleanup, probably in the history of doing this, and in construction. I was down there, and I've never seen anything like it. And the people in New York fought and fought and fought, and we saw more death, and even the smell of death — nobody understood it. And it was with us for months, the smell, the air. And we rebuilt downtown Manhattan, and everybody in the world watched and everybody in the world loved New York and loved New Yorkers. And I have to tell you, that was a very insulting statement that Ted made.
** [http://time.com/4182096/republican-debate-charleston-transcript-full-text/ Full Transcript of the Sixth Republican Debate in Charleston], ''[[wikipedia:Time (magazine)|Time]]'' (14 January 2016).

* The truth is, he's a nasty guy. He was so nice to me. I mean, I knew it. I was watching. I kept saying, 'Come on Ted. Let's go, okay.' But he's a nasty guy. Nobody likes him. Nobody in Congress likes him. Nobody likes him anywhere once they get to know him. He's a very –- he's got an edge that's not good. You can't make deals with people like that and it's not a good thing. It's not a good thing for the country. Very nasty guy.
** About [[Ted Cruz]] in an interview on ''[[wikipedia:This Week (ABC TV series)|This Week]]'' [http://www.realclearpolitics.com/video/2016/01/17/donald_trump_ted_cruz_is_a_nasty_guy_nobody_likes_him.html] (January 17, 2016)

* [[wikipedia:Tony Perkins (politician)|Tony Perkins]] wrote that out for me -- he actually wrote out 2, he wrote out the number 2 Corinthians, I took exactly what Tony said, and I said, 'Well Tony has to know better than anybody.
* It's a very small deal, but a lot of people in different sections of the world say two, and I've had many, many people say that to me. My mother, as you know, was from Scotland, and they say two.
** In an interview with {{w|CNN}}'s {{w|Don Lemon}}, about saying &quot;two Corinthians&quot; instead of &quot;Second Corinthians&quot; during a speech at Liberty University. [http://edition.cnn.com/2016/01/20/politics/donald-trump-tony-perkins-sarah-palin/] (January 22, 2016)

* Ted Cruz lies.  He's a liar.  And that's why nobody likes him, that's why his Senate people won't endorse him.  That's why he stands on the middle of the Senate floor and can't make a deal with anybody.  He looks like a jerk.  He's standing all by himself.  And you know, there's something to say about having a little bit of ability to get other people to do things.  You can't be a lone wolf and stand there.  That's sort of what we have right now as a president.
** [http://www.msnbc.com/morning-joe/watch/trump-ted-cruz-lies-he-s-a-liar-608990275597 Morning Joe] (26 January 2016)

* But you cannot say anymore that the United States is going to pay for the wall. I am just going to say that we are working it out. Believe it or not, this is the least important thing that we are talking about, but politically this might be the most important talk about. 
** [https://www.washingtonpost.com/graphics/2017/politics/australia-mexico-transcripts/?utm_term=.95d2f93766d6 Full transcripts of Trump's calls with Mexico and Australia By Greg Miller, Julie Vitkovskaya and Reuben Fischer-Baum; Aug. 3, 2017] (Friday, January 27, 2017)

* So what I would like to recommend is – if we are going to have continued dialogue – we will work out the wall. They are going to say, &quot;who is going to pay for the wall, Mr. President?&quot; to both of us, and we should both say, &quot;we will work it out.&quot; It will work out in the formula somehow. As opposed to you saying, &quot;we will not pay&quot; and me saying, &quot;we will not pay.&quot;
** [https://www.washingtonpost.com/graphics/2017/politics/australia-mexico-transcripts/?utm_term=.95d2f93766d6 Full transcripts of Trump's calls with Mexico and Australia By Greg Miller, Julie Vitkovskaya and Reuben Fischer-Baum; Aug. 3, 2017] (Friday, January 27, 2017)

* Up in [[New Hampshire]] – I won New Hampshire because New Hampshire is a drug-infested den – is coming from the southern border. 
** Actually, Clinton took NH; [https://www.washingtonpost.com/graphics/2017/politics/australia-mexico-transcripts/?utm_term=.95d2f93766d6 Full transcripts of Trump's calls with Mexico and Australia By Greg Miller, Julie Vitkovskaya and Reuben Fischer-Baum; Aug. 3, 2017] (Friday, January 27, 2017)

=====Speech at {{w|Liberty University}} (18 January 2016)=====
: &lt;small&gt;[http://www.c-span.org/video/?403331-1/donald-trump-remarks-liberty-university Presidential Candidate Donald Trump at Liberty University], ''C-SPAN'' (18 January 2016)&lt;/small&gt;

* We've done great with the evangelicals. The evangelicals have been amazing. The [[Tea Party movement|Tea Party]] has been amazing and we're doing really well.
* We're going to protect [[Christianity]], and I can say that. I don't have to be {{w|politically correct}}. We're going to protect it. I hear this is a major theme right here, but [[wikipedia:2 Corinthians 3|two Corinthians, 3]]:17, that's the whole ball game. &quot;''Where the Spirit of the Lord''&quot;, right, &quot;''where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is [[liberty]]''&quot;, and here there is Liberty College, but Liberty University, but it is so true. You know, when you think -- and that's really -- is that the one? Is that the one you like? I think that's the one you like because I loved it, and it's so representative of what's taken place. But we are going to protect Christianity. And if you look what's going on throughout the world, you look at Syria where if you're Christian, they're chopping off heads. You look at the different places, and [[Christianity]], it's under siege.
* I'm a [[Protestantism|protestant]]. I'm very proud of it, [[w:Presbyterian|Presbyterian]] to be exact, but I'm proud of it, very, very proud. And we've got to protect because bad things are happening, very bad things are happening, and we don't -- I don't know what it is. We don't band together, maybe. Other religions, frankly, they're banding together.
* This is a movement. It is a movement going on. We want to take our country back. Our country is disappearing. You look at the kind of deals we make. You look at what's happening, our country is going in the wrong direction, and so wrong, and it's got to be stopped and it's got to be stopped fast.
* When our sailors were captured last week, I said that's one of the saddest things that I have seen when those young people were on their hands and knees in a begging position with their hands up and thugs behind them with guns, and then we talk like it's OK. It's not OK. It's lack of respect. We can't let that happen to this country. It's lack of respect.
* The [[Persian people|Persians]], very good negotiators. Great negotiators, legendary negotiators. They're known for it. They're sitting across the table.
* I hate to tell this to the woman, they're behind the fact, they're a little behind the fact. They haven't figured out that women may be in certain ways much better than men. But I don't want to say that because I will get myself in trouble with men. But they haven't figured this out yet but that's OK.
* We spent 5 trillion dollars in the Middle East and our country is going to hell. We gotta bring it back. We gotta knock the hell out of ISIS.
* I want to see a woman president soon, but not [Hillary Clinton]. She's a disaster. She's a disaster. She's a disaster. I mean, just think of the corruption and the scandal... We don't want to go through it. We want to see winning. We want to see win, win, win – constant winning. And you'll say – if I'm president... 'Please, Mr. President, we're winning too much. We can't stand it anymore. Can't we have a loss?' And I'll say no, we're going to keep winning, winning, winning... because we're going to make America great again. And you'll say, 'Okay, Mr. President. Okay.'

=====Speech at {{w|Dordt University}} (23 January 2016)=====

*{{anchor|shoot somebody|reason=linked to from w:en:Template:FBDB}}The people, my people, are so smart, and you know what they say about my people? The polls. They say I have the most loyal people — did you ever see that? Where '''I could stand in the middle of 5th Avenue and shoot somebody, and I wouldn't lose any voters'''. It's like incredible. No, they say, &quot;Trump we love you too.&quot; Trump's voters are by far, ya know, I'm at sixty-eight and sixty-nine percent, I'm at ninety percent, total, like, &quot;Will you say absolutely?&quot; I think it's sixty-eight and sixty-nine percent. &quot;Will you most likely stay?&quot; That gets into the nineties. Other guys like a ten. A guy like [[Jeb Bush]], he has a nobody, but he's like, they don't have people. They have nothing. Rubio, soft. They're all soft. My people stay, by the way, Cruz, soft. When they heard about this thing with that he was bordering Canada, nobody knew them? He lost a lot of people! He's gone down big in the polls. Ted Cruz has gone down big in the polls. That doesn't mean he's giving us a fight in Iowa, that doesn't mean you can stay home, okay, see, you with the smile? It doesn't mean that. You gotta go out cause we can't take any chances.
** [http://time.com/4191598/donald-trump-says-he-could-shoot-somebody-and-not-lose-voters/ Speech at campaign rally] (23 January 2016), Sioux Center, Iowa.

====February 2016====
* To have a crowd like this on our final day, can you believe it, this is the day. This is the day we take our country back. Remember that. This is the day we take our country back. So I got a little notice in case you see it. It's security guys. We have wonderful security guys. They said, &quot;Mr. Trump, there may be somebody with tomatoes in the audience.&quot; So if you see somebody getting ready to throw a tomato, knock the crap out of them, would you? Seriously... Okay? Just knock the hell... I promise you I will pay for the legal fees, I promise. I promise. There won't be so much cause the courts agree with us too. What's going on in this country.
** [https://www.washingtonpost.com/video/politics/trump-knock-the-crap-out-of-tomato-throwers/2016/02/01/1d1fe1e2-c92b-11e5-b9ab-26591104bb19_video.html At a rally in Cedar Rapids, Iowa.] (1 February 2016)

* This has been going if it's not going to happen anymore, folks. We're going to bring businesses back. We're going to have businesses that used to be in [[New Hampshire]], that are now in Mexico, come back to New Hampshire and you can tell them to go f--- themselves...because they let you down, and they left. We want the businesses that stay. I know a lot of businesses up here and I knew a lot of businesses up here. These are great people, they could've left and they wanna stay. They willing to stay, they're fighting to stay. It's hard. With a highest tax nation in the entire world. It's hard for them to stay and they stay. Those are the people we have to cherish and love. These are the people that are great.
** [http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2016/may/18/priorities-usa-action/priorities-usa-donald-trump-women-ad/ At a rally in New Hampshire.] (4 February 2016)

* '''Trump''': No, I didn't use the word. I never said the word, Bill. I don't know who told you -- I would never use the word. I didn't say the word. I said, &quot;you can tell them to go [beat of silence] themselves.&quot;&lt;br&gt;'''O'Reilly''': But the lips kind of moved in the --&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': Well, they might have. No, I didn't say the word. I wouldn't do that. Even I -- hey Bill, even I wouldn't do that, okay. No, I never said the word.
** On an interview on The O'Reilly Factor (6 February 2016)

* [[Iraq|It]]'s the Harvard of Terrorists.
** [http://www.rawstory.com/2016/02/watch-as-charlie-rose-forces-trump-to-admit-he-agrees-with-obama-on-syria/ Interview with Charlie Rose] (17 February 2016)

* Torture works, okay folks? [...] Believe me, it works. [...] Waterboarding is your minor form. Some people say it's not actually torture. Let's assume it is. But they asked me the question. What do you think of waterboarding? Absolutely fine. But we should go much stronger than waterboarding. That's the way I feel.
** [http://www.cbsnews.com/news/donald-trump-torture-works/ Donald Trump: &quot;Torture works&quot;]. CBS News (17 February 2016). Bluffton, South Carolina. 

* They were having [[terrorism]] problems, just like we do, and he caught 50 terrorists who did tremendous damage and killed many people. And he took the 50 terrorists, and he took 50 men and he dipped 50 bullets in pigs' blood — you heard that, right? He took 50 bullets, and he dipped them in pigs' blood. And he had his men load his rifles, and he lined up the 50 people, and they shot 49 of those people. And the 50th person, he said: You go back to your people, and you tell them what happened. And for 25 years, there wasn't a problem. Okay? Twenty-five years, there wasn't a problem.
** During a campaign stop in {{w|Pawley's Island, South Carolina}} (February 19, 2016) [http://www.nationalreview.com/corner/450574/donald-trump-tweet-fake-history-libel-war-crime]. Referring to a false story about [[John J. Pershing]] which has circulated on the Internet.

* Bye bye. Look, see? He's smiling. See, he's having a good time. Oh, I love the old days, you know? You know what I hate? There's a guy, totally disruptive, throwing punches, we're not allowed to punch back anymore. I love the old days. You know what they used to do to guys like that when they were in a place like this? They'd be carried out on a stretcher, folks.  You know, I love our police, and I really respect our police, and they're not getting enough. They're not. Honestly, I hate to see that. Here's a guy, throwing punches, nasty as hell, screaming at everything else when we're talking, and he's walking out, and we're not allowed -- you know, the guards are very gentle with him, he's walking out, like, big high fives, smiling, laughing -- I'd like to punch him in the face, I'll tell you.
** [http://www.weeklystandard.com/protester-would-be-carried-out-on-a-stretcher-in-the-old-days-trump-reminisces/article/2001211 At a rally in Las Vegas] (22 February 2016)

* We won with young. We won with old. We won with highly educated. We won with poorly educated. '''I love the poorly educated.'''
** [http://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/donald-trump-declares-i-love-the-poorly-educated-as-he-storms-to-victory-in-nevada-caucus-a6893106.html Donald Trump declares 'I love the poorly educated' as he storms to victory in Nevada caucus], 24 February 2016

* '''Ted Cruz''': Donald, relax.&lt;br&gt;'''Donald Trump''': I'm relaxed. You're the basket case. Go ahead, don't get nervous.
** [http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/sns-wp-blm-carlson-6454d89c-dc90-11e5-8210-f0bd8de915f6-20160226-story.html CNN-Telemundo Republican debate] (25 February 2016)

* If and when the Vatican is attacked by Isis, which as everyone knows is Isis’s ultimate trophy, the pope can have only wished and prayed that Donald Trump would have been president because this would not have happened. Isis would have been eradicated unlike what is happening now with our all talk, no action politicians.
**As quoted in Ben Jacobs, ''[https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2016/feb/18/donald-trump-pope-francis-christian-wall-mexico-border Donald Trump calls Pope Francis 'disgraceful' for questioning his faith]'', ''The Guardian'' (February 18, 2016)

====March 2016====
* '''Donald Trump''': I think you've become very negative.&lt;br&gt;'''Bill O'Reilly''': Why would I do that?&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': Who knows. You'll have to ask your psychiatrist.
** [http://www.politico.com/blogs/2016-gop-primary-live-updates-and-results/2016/03/donald-trump-bill-oreilly-gop-debate-220241 &quot;Trump to O'Reilly: 'I think you've become very negative'&quot;] by Nick Gass, ''Politico'' (3 March 2016)

* '''Bret Baier''': So what would you do as commander in chief if the U.S. military refused to carry out those orders?&lt;br&gt;'''Donald Trump''': They won't refuse. They're not going to refuse me, believe me.&lt;br&gt;'''Baier''': But they're illegal.&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': Let me just tell you, you look at the Middle East, they're chopping off heads. And now we're talking about waterboarding. We should go for waterboarding, and we should go tougher than waterboarding….&lt;br&gt;And I'm a leader. I'm a leader. I've always been a leader. I've never had any problem leading people. If I say do it, they're going to do it. That's what leadership is all about.
** Fox News Republican debate, {{#formatdate:2016-03-03}}, quoted in [https://www.npr.org/2016/03/04/469149226/trump-attacked-from-all-sides-in-bitter-chaotic-gop-debate Trump Attacked From All Sides In Bitter, Chaotic Debate] ''NPR'' (March 4, 2016)

* Look at those hands. Are they small hands? And he referred to my hands — if they're small, something else must be small. I guarantee you there's no problem, I guarantee.
** Fox News Republican debate, {{#formatdate:2016-03-03}}, quoted in {{citation|date=2016-03-04|author=Gregory Krieg|title=Donald Trump defends size of his penis|periodical=CNN|url=https://www.cnn.com/2016/03/03/politics/donald-trump-small-hands-marco-rubio/index.html}}

* '''Anderson Cooper''': Is Islam at war with the West?&lt;br&gt;'''Donald Trump''': I think Islam hates us. There is something there, there is a tremendous hatred there, and we have to get to the bottom of it. There is an unbelievable hatred of us.&lt;br&gt;'''Cooper''': In Islam itself?&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': You're going to have to figure that out, but there is a tremendous hatred and we have to be very vigilant, we have to be very careful and we can't allow people coming into this country who have this hatred of the United States and of people that are not Muslim.&lt;br&gt;'''Cooper''': The question is is there a war between the West and radical Islam or is it between the West and Islam itself?&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': Well it's radical but it's very hard to define, it's very hard to separate because you don't know who's who.
** 9 March CNN interview, as quoted in [http://www.ibtimes.co.uk/us-election-2016-donald-trump-tells-cnn-tv-interviewer-islam-hates-us-1548760 &quot;US Election 2016: Donald Trump tells CNN TV interviewer 'Islam hates us'&quot;] by Harriet Sinclair, ''International Business Times'' (10 March 2016)

* Come on, get 'em out, police, please. Let's go! ... Nobody wants to hurt each other anymore.
** During a St Louis, Mo., rally, as quoted in [https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/get-him-out-racial-tensions-explode-at-donald-trumps-rallies/2016/03/11/b9764884-e6ee-11e5-bc08-3e03a5b41910_story.html &quot;‘Get 'em out!' Racial tensions explode at Donald Trump's rallies&quot;], by Jose A. DelReal, ''The Washington Post'' (12 March 2016), Washington, D.C.

* I promise you, I will not be taking very long vacations, if I take them at all.  There's no time for vacations.  We're not going to be big on vacations.  
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cC_3IxKcQIA Hardball with Chris Matthews, August 4, 2017] March 14, 2016 rally

*Iran has already, since the deal is in place, test-fired ballistic missiles three times. Those ballistic missiles, with a range of 1,250 miles, were designed to intimidate not only Israel, which is only 600 miles away, but also intended to frighten Europe and someday maybe hit even the United States. And we're not going to let that happen. We're not letting it happen. And we're not letting it happen to Israel, believe me.&lt;br&gt;Thank you. Thank you.&lt;br&gt;Do you want to hear something really shocking? As many of the great people in this room know, painted on those missiles in both Hebrew and Farsi were the words &quot;'''Israel must be wiped off the face of the earth'''.&quot; You can forget that.&lt;br&gt;What kind of demented minds write that in Hebrew?
**[http://time.com/4267058/donald-trump-aipac-speech-transcript/ 21 March 2016] address to AIPAC (America-Israel Public Affairs Committee)

* '''Obama''': But you would rule in the possibility to fight against ISIS.&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': Well, I'm never gonna rule anything out. And I wouldn't wanna say. Even if I felt -- it wasn't going -- I wouldn't wanna tell you that because, at a minimum, I want them to think maybe that we would use it.
** As part of a conversation with Barack Obama about ruling out the use of nuclear weapons (March 23, 2016) reported [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/donald-trump-open-to-nuclear-retaliation-after-brussels-attack/ 24 March 2016 by CBS]

* If Saudi Arabia was without the cloak of American protection, I don't think it would be around.
** Interview on foreign policy given on 25 March 2016, published: [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/03/27/us/politics/donald-trump-foreign-policy.html ''In Donald Trump's Worldview, America Comes First, and Everybody Else Pays''], ''The New York Times'' (26 March 2016)

* Talking about success, most people think success is measured in the form of monetary success. It's not really. I mean to be a successful person is to have a great family, is who loves the family, loves the children and the children love him or her. To me that's a much more successful person than a person that has made a billion dollars or ten billion dollars, and is miserable and doesn't have a good family and nobody likes that person. I think I've seen every type of person there is that God created.
**&lt;small&gt;''[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1xuAO0zKRAk Donald Trump talks about Success and Happiness - Motivational speech held in Wisconsin on March 30, 2016]'', Mike Mohamed on YouTube. (2:37 to 3:05)&lt;/small&gt;

====April 2016====
* I can be presidential, but if I was presidential I would only have - about 20% of you would be here because it would be boring as hell.
** At a rally in Superior, Wisconsin (4 April 2016)

*''REPORTER: Mr Trump, please be specific and tell us your views on LGBT, how you plan to be inclusive as president. Speak about North Carolina bathroom law in particular.'' &lt;Br&gt;Trump: ''[...]'' One of the best answers I heard was from a commentator yesterday saying &quot;leave it the way it is right now.&quot; There have been no-- very few problems. Leave it the way it is. North Carolina, what they're going through, with all of the business that's leaving and all of the strife and... and that's on both sides. You leave it the way it is. There have been very few complaints the way it is. People go, they use the bathroom that they feel is appropriate. There has been so little trouble and the problem with what happened in North Carolina is the strife and the economic- I mean economic punishment that they're taking.  
*''REPORTER: If [[w:Caitlyn Jenner|Caitlyn Jenner]] were to walk into [[w:Trump Tower|Trump Tower]], and want to use the bathroom, you would be fine with her using any bathroom she chooses?'' &lt;Br&gt;Trump: That is correct.
*''On policies on bathroom use for transgender individuals:'' &lt;Br&gt;You know, there's a big move to create new bathrooms. Problem with that, is — for transgender — that would be a, first of all I think that would be discriminatory in a certain way. It would be unbelievably expensive for businesses and for the country. Leave it the way it is.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dO6MLHLIfdc Donald Trump Town Hall: Abortion Exceptions, Immigration, Raising Taxes (Full) | TODAY] April 21, 2016

* I love working.  I'm not a vacation guy.  Right?  Like Obama, he plays golf in Hawaii.  He flies in a 747. 
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cC_3IxKcQIA Hardball with Chris Matthews, August 4, 2017] April 21, 2016 rally

* If you love what you do, you're happy.  You don't take vacations.  
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cC_3IxKcQIA Hardball with Chris Matthews, August 4, 2017] April 22, 2016 rally

=====Foreign Policy Speech (27 April 2016)=====
[[File:Maga.png|thumb|No country has ever prospered that failed to put its own interests first.]]
: &lt;small&gt;[http://www.nytimes.com/2016/04/28/us/politics/transcript-trump-foreign-policy.html Transcript: Donald Trump's Foreign Policy Speech], ''{{w|The New York Times}}'' (27 April 2016)&lt;/small&gt;

* It's time to shake the rust off [[Foreign policy of the United States|America's foreign policy]].

* My foreign policy will always put the interests of the American people and American security above all else... That will be the foundation of every single decision that I will make. [[America First (policy)|America First]] will be the major and overriding theme of my administration.

* Our foreign policy is a complete and total disaster. No vision. No purpose. No direction. No strategy.

* [[Barack Obama|President Obama]] has weakened [[United States Armed Forces|our military]] by weakening our economy. He's crippled us with wasteful spending, massive [[National debt|debt]], low growth, a huge trade deficit and open borders.

* Our allies are not paying their fair share... The countries we are defending must pay for the cost of this defense, and if not, the U.S. must be prepared to let these countries defend themselves. We have no choice.

* Israel, our great friend and the one true democracy in the Middle East has been snubbed and criticized by an administration that lacks moral clarity... President Obama has not been a friend to Israel. He has treated Iran with tender love and care and made it a great power.

* We've let our rivals and challengers think they can get away with anything, and they do... If President Obama's goal had been to weaken America, he could not have done a better job.

* We've made the Middle East more unstable and chaotic than ever before. We left Christians subject to intense persecution and even [[genocide]]. We have done nothing to help the Christians, nothing, and we should always be ashamed for that lack of action.

* Hillary Clinton refuses to say the words radical Islam, even as she pushes for a massive increase in refugees coming into our country. After Secretary Clinton's failed intervention in Libya, [[wikipedia:2012 Benghazi attack|Islamic terrorists in Benghazi]] took down our consulate and killed our ambassador and three brave Americans. Then, instead of taking charge that night, Hillary Clinton decided to go home and sleep. Incredible. Clinton blames it all on a video, an excuse that was a total lie, proven to be absolutely a total lie. Our ambassador was murdered and our secretary of state misled the nation.

* We're also going to have to change our trade, immigration and economic policies to make our economy strong again. And to put Americans first again. This will ensure that our own workers, right here in America, get the jobs and higher pay that will grow our tax revenues, increase our economic might as a nation.

* I believe an easing of tensions, and improved relations with Russia from a position of strength only is possible.

* Americans must know that we're putting the American people first again on trade, on immigration, on foreign policy. The jobs, incomes and security of the [[Working class in the United States|American worker]] will always be my first priority. No country has ever prospered that failed to put its own interests first. Both our friends and our enemies put their countries above ours and we, while being fair to them, must start doing the same. We will no longer surrender this country or its people to the false song of [[globalism]]. The nation-state remains the true foundation for happiness and harmony. I am skeptical of international unions that tie us up and bring America down, and will never enter America into any agreement that reduces our ability to control our own affairs.

====May 2016====
* We have a 500 billion dollar deficit, trade deficit with China. We're going to turn it around and we have the cards, don't forget, we're like the piggy bank that's being robbed. We have the cards, we have a lot of power with China. When China doesn't want to fix the problem in North Korea we say &quot;Sorry folks, you've got to fix the problem.&quot; '''Because we can't continue to allow China to rape [[United States|our country]], and that's what they're doing. It's the greatest theft in the history of the world.'''
**[https://www.bbc.com/news/av/world-us-canada-36185275/china-accused-of-trade-rape-by-donald-trump &quot;China accused of trade 'rape' by Donald Trump&quot;] ''BBC'' (2 May 2016)

* You've been hearing me say it's a rigged system, but now I don't say it anymore because I won. It's true. Now I don't care.
** [http://www.washingtonexaminer.com/trump-gop-rigged-but-i-dont-care-because-i-won/article/2590545 &quot;Trump: GOP 'rigged,' but I don't care because I won&quot;] by Ryan Lovelace, ''Washington Examiner'' (5 May 2016)

====June 2016====
* It's going to be like this. I'm not changing.
** Answer to the question whether the American public could expect a similar dynamic if he would win the presidential elections, quoted in {{citation |date=2016-06-01 |title=Donald Trump: Questions on money for war veterans |author=Alan Fisher |periodical=Al Jazeera |url=http://www.aljazeera.com/blogs/americas/2016/05/donald-trump-fumes-veterans-money-questions-160531203455389.html}}

* '''He's a [[Mexicans|Mexican]]'''. We're building a wall between here and Mexico.
** About American judge Gonzalo Curiel (3 June 2016), as quoted in {{citation |date=2016-06-04 |title=Trump Presses Case That 'Mexican' Judge Curiel Is Biased Against Him |author=Nina Totenberg |periodical=National Public Radio |url=http://www.npr.org/2016/06/04/480714972/trump-presses-case-that-mexican-judge-curiel-is-biased-against-him}}

* I'm truly honored by your support. Together, we accomplished what nobody thought was absolutely possible and you know what that is and we're only getting started and it's going to be beautiful, remember that. Tonight we close one chapter in history and we begin another. Our campaign received more primary votes than any GOP campaign in history, no matter who it is, no matter who they are, we received more votes. This is a great feeling. That's a great feeling. This is not a testament to me but a testament to all of the people who believed real change, not Obama change, but real change is possible. You've given me the honor to lead the Republican Party to victory this fall.
** Victory speech after winning New Jersey and other states Tuesday night (7 June 2016) – [http://time.com/4360872/donald-trump-new-jersey-victory-speech-transcript/ ''Time'' transcript]

* To those who voted for someone else in either party, I will work hard to earn your support and I will work very hard to earn that support. To all of those [[Bernie Sanders]] voters who have been left out in the cold by a rigged system of super delegates, we welcome you with open arms. And by the way, the terrible trade deals that Bernie was so vehemently against and he's right on that will be taken care of far better than anyone ever thought possible and that's what I do. We are going to have fantastic trade deals. We're going to start making money and bringing in jobs.
** Victory speech after winning New Jersey and other states Tuesday night (7 June 2016) – [http://time.com/4360872/donald-trump-new-jersey-victory-speech-transcript/ ''Time'' transcript]

* My goal is always again to bring people together. But if I'm forced to fight for something I really care about, I will never, ever back down and our country will never, ever back down. Thank you. I've fought for my family. I've fought for my business. I've fought for my employees. And now, I'm going to fight for you, the American people like nobody has ever fought before.
** Victory speech after winning New Jersey and other states Tuesday night (7 June 2016) – [http://time.com/4360872/donald-trump-new-jersey-victory-speech-transcript/ ''Time'' transcript]

* We're led by [[Barack Obama|a man]] that either is not tough, not smart, or he's got something else in mind. And the something else in mind, you know, people can't believe it, people cannot believe that President Obama is acting the way he acts and can't even mention the words 'radical Islamic terrorism. There's something going on — it's inconceivable. There's something going on. He doesn't get it, or he gets it better than anybody understands. It's one or the other, and either one is unacceptable.
** Phone interview on ''Fox and Friends'', as quoted in {{citation |date=2016-06-13 |title=Trump on Obama and Islam: 'There's something going on' |author=Jesse Byrnes |periodical=The Hill |url=http://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/news/283246-trump-on-obama-and-islam-theres-something-going-on}}

* Belgium is a beautiful city.
* Belgium is not the Belgium that you and I knew, Matt, from 20 years ago, which was one of the most beautiful cities and one of the safest cities in the world. Belgium is a horror show right now.
** [https://www.thebulletin.be/belgium-beautiful-city-according-donald-trump &quot;Belgium is a “beautiful city”, according to Donald Trump&quot;], ''The Bulletin'' (June 16, 2016)

* Look, companies now are leaving the United States. Corporate inversion, they're leaving the United States, we have almost $5 trillion sitting out there, where they can't get the money back, they can't bring it in because there's no mechanism to bring it back in and the tax is so high. I'm going to bring tremendous amounts of money, tremendous amounts of jobs, tremendous numbers of companies, and yes the [[wikipedia:Political positions of Donald Trump#Taxes,_spending,_and_budget|tax is going to be cut]] from the highest tax nation anywhere in the world to a fairly low tax. Not the lowest in the world, but to a fairly low tax.
* &lt;p&gt;'''Norah O'Donnell:''' Hillary Clinton called you the king of debt.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;'''Donald Trump:''' Well, no she didn't call me, I called myself the king of debt. '''I'm the king of debt.''' I'm great with debt, nobody knows debt better than me. I made a fortune by using debt. And if things don't work out I renegotiate the debt, I mean that's a smart thing not a stupid thing. And I made a fortune.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;'''O'Donnell:''' How do you renegotiate the debt?&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;'''Trump:''' Because you go back and you say, hey, guess what, the economy just crashed, I'm going to give you back half. I like debt for me, I don't like debt for the country. I like debt for my company, but I don't like debt for the country. For the country we have $19 trillion in debt, it's going to be very soon $21 trillion, not billion, $21 trillion in debt. And I will tell you we are sitting on a time bomb and Hillary Clinton doesn't have a clue. And President Obama has pretty much doubled the debt since he's been in office and somebody's going to pay a big price. We have to start chopping that debt down.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;'''O'Donnell:''' [[Janet Yellen]], who you know, the chairman of the [[Federal Reserve System|Federal Reserve]] blasted you for saying that the U.S. could load up on debt and then make a deal with creditors if the [[Economy of the United States|economy]] has soured. She said there would be very severe consequences if an elected president tried to renegotiate the nation's debt.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;'''Trump:''' I wouldn't renegotiate the debt.&lt;/p&gt;
** In an interview with ''{{w|CBS This Morning'}}'' {{w|Norah O'Donnell}}, {{#formatdate:2016-06-22}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2016-06-22 |title=CBS' Norah O'Donnell Challenges Trump On His Economic Plan |periodical=Media Matters for America |url=https://www.mediamatters.org/donald-trump/cbs-norah-odonnell-challenges-trump-his-economic-plan}}

* Our enemies probably know every single one [of Clinton's deleted emails]. So they probably now have a blackmail file. . . . We can't hand over our government to someone whose deepest, darkest secrets may be in the hands of our enemies. Can't do it.&quot;
** speech, {{#formatdate:2016-06-22}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2016-06-22 |title=Nobody brings the crazy quite like Trump |author=Dana Milbank |periodical=Washington Post |url=http://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/nobody-brings-the-crazy-quite-like-trump/2016/06/22/74ba5692-38bd-11e6-9ccd-d6005beac8b3_story.html}}

====July 2016====
* [[Saddam Hussein]] was a bad guy. Right? He was a bad guy, really bad guy. But you know what he did well? He killed terrorists. He did that so good. They didn't read them the rights—they didn't talk, they were a terrorist, it was over. [...] Today, Iraq is Harvard for terrorism. You want to be a terrorist, you go to Iraq. It's like Harvard. Okay? So sad.
** At a campaign rally in Raleigh, North Carolina (July 5, 2016), as cited in [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-politics/wp/2016/07/05/donald-trump-praises-saddam-hussein-for-killing-terrorists-so-good/ &quot;Donald Trump praises Saddam Hussein for killing terrorists ‘so good’&quot;] ''The Washington Post'' (July 5, 2016).
** [[w:Jake Sullivan|Jake Sullivan]], then a policy advisor to Hillary Clinton, stated: &quot;Hussein's regime was a sponsor of terrorism — one that paid families of suicide bombers who attacked Israelis, among other crimes.&quot;

* I'll stand up for Article Two, Article 12, you name it of the Constitution.
** About the U.S. Constitution, which only has seven articles and 27 amendments; as recounted by [[Mark Sanford]], quoted in [http://talkingpointsmemo.com/dc/trump-changes-few-minds-with-meeting-on-the-hill &quot;Trump Manages To Give Some House GOPers More Heartburn In Hill Meeting&quot;] (2016), ''Talking Points Memo'' (July 7, 2016).

* ''[Interviewer: You're not known to be a humble man. But I wonder—]'' I think I am actually humble. I think I'm much more humble than you would understand.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1R42mFx3_ss During an interview] by {{WP|Lesley Stahl}} on ''{{WP|60 Minutes}}'' (17 July 2016)

* Russia, if you're listening, I hope you're able to find the 30,000 emails that are missing. I think you will probably be rewarded mightily by our press.
** Press conference, reported in Ashley Parker and David E. Sanger, &quot;[http://www.nytimes.com/2016/07/28/us/politics/donald-trump-russia-clinton-emails.html? Donald Trump Calls on Russia to Find Hillary Clinton's Missing Emails], ''The New York Times'' (July 27, 2016).

* Though [[Bernie Sanders|Bernie]] is exhausted and has given up on his [[revolution]], many of his voters still want to keep up the fight. I expect that millions of Bernie voters will refuse to vote for Hillary because of her support for the War in Iraq, the [[2011 Libyan civil war|invasion of Libya]], [[wikipedia:North American Free Trade Agreement|NAFTA]] and [[w:Trans-Pacific Partnership|TPP]], and of course because she is totally bought and sold by [[Special-interest group|special interests]]. She and [[Bill Clinton|her husband]] have been paid millions and millions by [[Multinational corporation|global corporations]] and powerful interests who will control her every decision. She is their puppet, and they pull the strings. We welcome with open arms all voters who want an honest [[Federal government of the United States|government]] and to fix [[Politics of the United States|our rigged system]] so it works for the people. This includes fixing one of Bernie's biggest issues, our terrible trade deals that strip our country of its jobs and wealth.
** ''[http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2016/07/donald-trump-reddit-ama-ask-me-anything/493361/ How Donald Trump Beat Reddit]'', ''{{w|The Atlantic}}'' (July 28, 2016)

* The things that were said about me. … You know what, I wanted to hit a couple of those speakers so hard. ... I was gonna hit one guy in particular, a very little guy. I was gonna hit this guy so hard, his head would spin. He wouldn't know what the hell happened.
** Press conference, reported in Jacob Bogage, &quot;[https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2016/07/29/i-wanted-to-hit-a-couple-of-those-speakers-so-hard-trump-says-of-dem-convention-critics/ ‘I wanted to hit a couple of those speakers so hard', Trump says of Democratic convention]&quot;, ''The Washington Post'' (July 29, 2016).

* A guy who didn't have the guts to run for president. Little Michael. He doesn't know anything about me. But he never had the guts to run. He probably wished he did but he didn't. He spent millions of dollars on polling but he was missing one thing: guts. Little Michael.
** On [[Michael Bloomberg]]'s speech about Trump. At an interview with ''[[wikipedia:The New York Times|The New York Times'&lt;nowiki/&gt;]]'' [[Maureen Dowd]]. [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/07/30/opinion/trumps-thunderbolts.html] (July 29, 2016)

* Obama gave a good speech but not nearly as good as the press would have you believe. Whether it's good or bad, the press will say it's fantastic. In many ways, I like Obama. It's hard to define. There's something about him I do like. I'm embarrassed to admit it. I give him a lot of credit. It's very unique and very hard to do and I give him tremendous credit. He became a two-term president of the United States. He's got some quality going.
** At an interview with ''[[wikipedia:The New York Times|The New York Times'&lt;nowiki/&gt;]]'' [[Maureen Dowd]]. [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/07/30/opinion/trumps-thunderbolts.html] (July 29, 2016)

* Emails in general are terrible. There's no security. It happens so often. I'm old-fashioned. I put a letter in an envelope and have it hand delivered. My son is 10 years old, and he has grown up [[Computers|computer]] literate. They start using computers before they can walk. His computer was locked and he unlocked it. And I said, ‘[[w:Barron Trump|Barron]], how did you do that?' And he said, ‘I won't tell you, Dad.
** At an interview with ''[[wikipedia:The New York Times|The New York Times'&lt;nowiki/&gt;]]'' [[Maureen Dowd]]. [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/07/30/opinion/trumps-thunderbolts.html] (July 29, 2016)

* Putin said I was a genius. I do say this: Wouldn't it be wonderful if we actually could get along with Russia and China and some other countries that we don't get along with, and then we go out and knock the hell out of ISIS? Wouldn't it be nice if we cleaned that mess up? Wouldn't it be smart?
** At an interview with ''[[wikipedia:The New York Times|The New York Times'&lt;nowiki/&gt;]]'' [[Maureen Dowd]]. [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/07/30/opinion/trumps-thunderbolts.html] (July 29, 2016)

* I think he's a pervert. It's dangerous to allow him on the convention floor.
** About [[Anthony Weiner]] on the {{w|2016 Democratic National Convention}}. At an interview with ''[[wikipedia:The New York Times|The New York Times'&lt;nowiki/&gt;]]'' [[Maureen Dowd]]. [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/07/30/opinion/trumps-thunderbolts.html] (July 29, 2016)

* Captain [[wikipedia:Humayun Khan (soldier)|Humayun Khan]] was a hero to our country and we should honor all who have made the ultimate sacrifice to keep our country safe. The real problem here are the radical Islamic terrorists who killed him, and the efforts of these radicals to enter our country to do us further harm. Given the state of the world today, we have to know everything about those looking to enter our country, and given the state of chaos in some of these countries, that is impossible. While I feel deeply for the loss of his son, Mr. Khan who has never met me, has no right to stand in front of millions of people and claim I have never read the Constitution, (which is false) and say many other inaccurate things. If I become President, I will make America safe again.
* Hillary Clinton should be held accountable for her central role in destabilizing the Middle East. She voted to send the United States to war against Iraq, helped lead the disastrous withdrawal of American troops years later that created the vacuum allowing the rise of ISIS, and has never met a [[wikipedia:United States involvement in regime change|regime change]] she didn't like (which have all been disasters) – not to mention her invasion of Libya and her abandonment of American personnel in Benghazi. The loss of these lives in Libya is directly traceable to Clinton, but their families' testimonials were rejected by the media.
* Clinton's actions have been reckless and have directly led to the loss of American lives. And her extreme immigration policies, as also laid out by American victims in Cleveland, will cause the preventable deaths of countless more -- while putting all residents, from all places, at greater risk of terrorism. As Bernie Sanders said on numerous occasions, Hillary Clinton suffers from &quot;bad judgement.&quot; She is not qualified to serve as Commander in Chief.
** Written statement responding to [[Khizr M. Khan]] [http://web.archive.org/web/20160731082150/https://www.donaldjtrump.com/press-releases/setting-the-record-straight] (July 30, 2016)

====={{w|2016 Republican National Convention}} (21 July 2016)=====
[[File:Donald Trump 2016 RNC speech (1).jpg|thumb|I have joined the [[political]] arena so that the [[powerful]] can no longer beat up on [[people]] that cannot defend themselves. &lt;br /&gt; Nobody knows the [[system]] better than me, which is why I alone can fix it.]]
: &lt;small&gt;[https://www.vox.com/2016/7/21/12253426/donald-trump-acceptance-speech-transcript-republican-nomination-transcript &quot;Full transcript of Donald Trump’s acceptance speech at the RNC&quot;, ''Vox'' (22 July 2016)] · [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fs0pZ_GrTy8 &quot;Donald Trump's entire Republican convention speech&quot;, ''CNN'' (21 July 2016)] · [http://www.politico.com/story/2016/07/full-transcript-donald-trump-nomination-acceptance-speech-at-rnc-225974 Donald Trump 2016 RNC draft speech transcript], ''{{w|Politico}}'' (21 July 2016)&lt;/small&gt;

* The attacks on our [[Law enforcement in the United States|police]], and the terrorism in our cities, threaten our very way of life. Any politician who does not grasp this danger is not fit to lead our country.

* Americans watching this address tonight have seen the recent images of violence in our streets and the chaos in our communities. Many have witnessed this violence personally. Some have even been its victims. &lt;br /&gt; I have a message for all of you: The crime and violence that today afflicts our nation will soon — and I mean very soon come to an end. Beginning on January 20th 2017, safety will be restored. &lt;br /&gt; The most basic duty of government is to defend the lives of its citizens. Any government that fails to do so is a government unworthy to lead.

* It is finally time for a straightforward assessment of the state of our nation. I will present the facts plainly and honestly. We cannot afford to be so politically correct anymore. &lt;br /&gt; So if you want to hear the corporate spin, the carefully-crafted lies, and the media myths — the Democrats are holding their convention next week. Go there. &lt;br /&gt; But here, at our convention, there will be no lies. We will honor the American people with the truth, and nothing else. 

* Decades of progress made in bringing down crime are now being reversed by this Administration's rollback of criminal enforcement.
* America is far less safe – and the world is far less stable – than when Obama made the decision to put Hillary Clinton in charge of America's foreign policy. I am certain it is a decision he truly regrets. Her bad instincts and her bad judgment – something pointed out by Bernie Sanders – are what caused the disasters unfolding today.
* This is the legacy of Hillary Clinton: death, destruction and weakness.
* The problems we face now – [[Poverty in the United States|poverty]] and violence at home, war and destruction abroad – will last only as long as we continue relying on the same politicians who created them. A change in leadership is required to change these outcomes.
* There can be no prosperity without [[wikipedia:Law and order (politics)|law and order]]
* Our plan will put America First. [[wikipedia:Americanism (ideology)|Americanism]], not globalism, will be our credo. As long as we are led by politicians who will not put America First, then we can be assured that other nations will not treat America with respect.
* Big business, elite media and major donors are lining up behind the campaign of my opponent because they know she will keep our rigged system in place. They are throwing money at her because they have total control over everything she does. She is their puppet, and they pull the strings. That is why Hillary Clinton's message is that things will never change. My message is that things have to change – and they have to change right now.
* Every day I wake up determined to deliver for the people I have met all across this nation that have been neglected, ignored, and abandoned. I have visited the laid-off factory workers, and the communities crushed by our horrible and unfair trade deals. These are the forgotten men and women of our country, and they are forgotten, but they're not going to be forgotten long. These are people who work hard but no longer have a voice. I AM YOUR VOICE.
* I have no patience for injustice, no tolerance for government incompetence, no sympathy for leaders who fail their citizens.
* When innocent people suffer, because our political system lacks the will, or the courage, or the basic decency to enforce our [[Law|laws]] – or worse still, has sold out to some corporate lobbyist for cash – I am not able to look the other way.
* When a [[United States Secretary of State|Secretary of State]] illegally stores her emails on a private server, deletes 33,000 of them so the authorities can't see her crime, puts our country at risk, lies about it in every different form and faces no consequence – I know that corruption has reached a level like never before.
* I have joined the political arena so that the powerful can no longer beat up on people that cannot defend themselves. '''Nobody knows the system better than me, which is why I alone can fix it'''. &lt;br /&gt; I have seen firsthand how the system is rigged against our citizens, just like it was rigged against Bernie Sanders – he never had a chance.
* [[Mike Pence|He]] (Mike Pence) is a man of character and accomplishment. He is the right man for the job.
* An attack on law enforcement is an attack on all Americans. I have a message to every last person threatening the peace on our streets and the safety of our police: when I take the oath of office next year, I will restore law and order our country.
* In this race for the White House, I am the Law And Order candidate. ... I will work to ensure that all of our kids are treated equally, and protected equally.
** &quot;I am the law-and-order candidate&quot; was a phrase used by [[Richard Nixon]] during his [[w:Richard Nixon 1968 presidential campaign|1968 presidential campaign]].
* Once again, [[France]] is the [[wikipedia:2016 Nice attack|victim of brutal Islamic terrorism]]. Men, women and children viciously mowed down. Lives ruined. Families ripped apart. A nation in mourning.
* I will do everything in my power to protect our [[LGBT]] citizens from the violence and oppression of a hateful foreign ideology.
* We must work with all of our allies who share our goal of destroying ISIS and stamping out Islamic terror. This includes working with our greatest ally in the region, the State of Israel.
* We must immediately suspend immigration from any nation that has been compromised by terrorism until such time as proven vetting mechanisms have been put in place.
* I only want to admit individuals into our country who will support our values and love our people. Anyone who endorses violence, hatred or oppression is not welcome in our country and never will be.
* Decades of record immigration have produced lower wages and higher unemployment for our citizens, especially for African-American and Latino workers. We are going to have an immigration system that works, but one that works for the American people.
* Of all my travels in this country, nothing has affected me more deeply than the time I have spent with the mothers and fathers who have lost their children to violence spilling across our border.
* We are going to build a great border wall to stop illegal immigration, to stop the gangs and the violence, and to stop the drugs from pouring into our communities.
* We are going to be considerate and compassionate to everyone. But my greatest compassion will be for our own struggling citizens.
* I pledge to never sign any trade agreement that hurts our workers, or that diminishes our freedom and independence. Instead, I will make individual deals with individual countries.
* No longer will we enter into these massive deals, with many countries, that are thousands of pages long – and which no one from our country even reads or understands. We are going to enforce all trade violations, including through the use of taxes and tariffs, against any country that cheats.
* My Dad, {{w|Fred Trump}}, was the smartest and hardest working man I ever knew.
* America is a nation of believers, dreamers, and strivers that is being led by a group of censors, critics, and cynics.
* All of the people telling you that you can't have the country you want, are the same people telling you that I wouldn't be standing here tonight. No longer can we rely on those elites in media, and politics, who will say anything to keep a rigged system in place.
* My opponent asks her supporters to recite a three word loyalty pledge. It reads, &quot;I'm with her.&quot; I choose to recite a different pledge. My pledge reads, &quot;I'm with you – the American people.&quot; I am your voice. So to every parent who dreams for their child, and every child who dreams for a better future, I say these words to you tonight: I'm with you, and I will fight for you, and I will win for you. To all Americans tonight, in all of our cities and towns, I make this promise: We will make America proud again, we will make America strong again, we will make America safe again, and we will Make America Great Again! God bless you and good night! I love you!

====August 2016====
[[File:Classified documents at Mar-a-Lago bathroom.jpg|thumb|In my administration, I'm going to enforce all [[laws]] concerning the [[protection]] of classified information. No one will be above the law.]]

* He’s not going into Ukraine, OK, just so you understand. He’s not going to go into Ukraine, all right? You can mark it down. You can put it down. You can take it anywhere you want.
** Claimed about the Russian president Vladimir Putin after Putin had invaded Crimea, Ukraine and while fighting a war in Donbass, Ukraine, quoted in [https://edition.cnn.com/2016/07/31/politics/donald-trump-russia-ukraine-crimea-putin/index.html &quot;Trump says Putin is ‘not going to go into Ukraine,’ despite Crimea&quot;], ''CNN'' (August 1, 2016)

* Don't worry about that baby. I love babies.  I hear that baby crying, I like it. What a baby. What a beautiful baby. Don't worry, don't worry. The mom's running around like—don't worry about it, you know. It's young and beautiful and healthy and that's what we want. [...]  Actually, I was only kidding, you can get the baby out of here.  That's all right. Don't worry. I, I think she really believed me that I love having a baby crying while I'm speaking. That's OK. People don't understand. That's OK.
** [http://www.politico.com/story/2016/08/trump-kicks-out-baby-rally-226566 At a rally in Ashburn, Virginia.] (August 2, 2016) 

* He's a terrible president, he'll probably go down as the worst president in the history of our country, he's been a total disaster.
** On Barack Obama during an interview with [[wikipedia:WJLA-TV|WJLA]]. {{citation |date=2016-08-02 |author=Eric Bradner |title=Trump responds to Obama: 'He's a terrible president' |periodical=CNN |url=http://edition.cnn.com/2016/08/02/politics/donald-trump-obama-election-2016/}}

* [[Hillary Clinton|Hillary]] wants to abolish, essentially abolish, the [[Second Amendment to the United States Constitution|second amendment]]. '''If she gets to pick her judges, nothing you can do, folks. Although the second amendment people, maybe there is''', I don't know. But I'll tell you what, that will be a horrible day.
** Rally in [[w:Wilmington, North Carolina|Wilmington, North Carolina]] on August 9, 2016 ({{cite news |title=Donald Trump Suggests ‘Second Amendment People' Could Act Against Hillary Clinton |newspaper=[[w:The New York Times|The New York Times]] |first1=Nick |last1=Corasaniti |authorlink2=w:Maggie Haberman |first2=Maggie |last2=Haberman |date=August 9, 2016 |accessdate=November 15, 2018 |url=https://www.nytimes.com/2016/08/10/us/politics/donald-trump-hillary-clinton.html}}; {{cite news |title=Donald Trump hints at assassination of Hillary Clinton by gun rights supporters |first=David |last=Smith |date=August 10, 2016  |accessdate=November 15, 2018 |newspaper=[[w:The Guardian|The Guardian]] |url=https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2016/aug/09/trump-gun-owners-clinton-judges-second-amendment}}).
* In my administration, I'm going to enforce all laws concerning the protection of classified information. No one will be above the law.
** Statement in a [https://www.c-span.org/video/?414134-1/donald-trump-campaign-rally-charlotte-north-carolina campaign rally in Charlotte, North Carolina (18 August 2016)], as quoted in [https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/trump-classified-above-law/ &quot;Yes, Trump Said 'No One Will Be Above the Law' Regarding Protection of Classified Information&quot; (9 June 2023)]

* [[ISIS]] is honoring President Obama. He is the founder of ISIS. He founded ISIS. And I would say the co-founder would be crooked [[Hillary Clinton]].
** During a Florida rally at the BB&amp;T Center in Sunrise, as quoted in [http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/donald-trump-president-barack-obama-founder-isis/story?id=41286869 &quot;Donald Trump: President Barack Obama 'Is the Founder of ISIS'&quot;] by David Caplan, ''ABC News'' (August 10, 2016)

* I will always tell you the truth.
** [https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2016/8/19/1561877/-Trump-I-will-always-tell-you-the-truth-up-to-30-percent-of-the-time &quot;Trump: “I will always tell you the truth” up to 30 percent of the time&quot;], ''Daily Kos'' (August 19, 2024)

* No group in America has been more harmed by Hillary Clinton's policies than African-Americans. If Hillary Clinton's goal was to inflict pain on the African-American community, she could not have done a better job. It's a disgrace. Tonight, I'm asking for the vote of every single African-American citizen in this country who wants to see a better future. The inner cities of our country have been run by the Democratic party for more than fifty years. Their policies have reduced only [[Poverty in the United States|poverty]], joblessness, failing schools and broken homes. It's time to hold Democratic politicians accountable for what they have done to these communities. At what point do we say, &quot;enough?&quot; It's time to hold failed leaders accountable for their results not just their empty words over and over again. Look at what the Democratic party has done to the city as an example and there are many others of Detroit: forty percent of Detroit's residents live in poverty. Half of all Detroit residents do not work and cannot work and can't get a job. Detroit tops the list of most dangerous cities in terms of violent crime. This is the legacy of the Democratic politicians who have run this city. This is the result of the policy agenda embraced by Hillary Clinton: thirty-three thousand emails gone. The only way to change results is to change leadership. We can never fix our problems by relying on the same politicians who created our problems in the first place. A new future requires brand new leadership. Look how much African-American communities suffered under Democratic control. To those I say the following: What do you have to lose by trying something new like Trump. What do you have to lose? I say it again, what do you have to lose. Look, what do you have to lose? You're living your poverty, your schools are no good, you have no jobs. Fifty-eight percent of your youth is unemployed? What the hell do you have to lose? And at the end of four years, I guarantee you, that I will get over ninety-five percent of the African-American vote. I promise you.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K5B5m1S5VTA Speech to the African-American community in Dimondale, Michigan] (August 19, 2016)

* I'm going to be working for you. I'm not going to have time to go play golf.
** [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/politics/wp/2017/02/13/trump-used-to-have-a-slightly-different-opinion-of-presidents-playing-golf/?utm_term=.d2f026a42e9c Trump used to have a slightly different opinion of presidents playing golf] by Phillip Bump, Washington Post, August 8 Virginia rally (August 20, 2016)

* Immigration security, we need to protect American jobs. We need to protect American safety. We're going to build a wall folks, don't worry, we're going to build a wall. That wall will go up so fast, your heads will spin. And you'll say, &quot;you know, know he meant it!&quot; And you know what else I mean? Mexico is going to pay for the wall.
** On immigration at a rally in Akron, Ohio (22 August 2016)

* It's our right as a sovereign nation to choose immigrants that we think are the likeliest to thrive and flourish and love us.
** Immigration speech (31 August 2016), quoted in [http://fox59.com/2016/08/31/donald-trump-delivers-immigration-speech-after-meeting-with-mexican-president/ &quot;Donald Trump delivers immigration speech after meeting with Mexican president&quot;] by CNN Wire, ''[[wikipedia:WXIN|Fox 59]]''.

* The fundamental problem with the immigration system in our country is that it serves the needs of wealthy donors, political activists and powerful politicians. Let me tell you who it doesn’t serve: it doesn’t serve you, the American people.
** [https://www.politico.com/story/2016/08/donald-trump-immigration-address-transcript-227614 Immigration speech], Arizona (31 August 2016)

* When politicians talk about immigration reform, they usually mean the following: amnesty, open borders, and lower wages. Immigration reform should mean something else entirely: it should mean improvements to our laws and policies to make life better for American citizens. But if we are going to make our immigration system work, then we have to be prepared to talk honestly and without fear about these important and sensitive issues.
** [https://www.politico.com/story/2016/08/donald-trump-immigration-address-transcript-227614 Immigration speech], Arizona (31 August 2016)

* To all the politicians, donors and special interests, hear these words from me today: there is only one core issue in the immigration debate and it is this: the well-being of the American people. Nothing even comes a close second.
** [https://www.politico.com/story/2016/08/donald-trump-immigration-address-transcript-227614 Immigration speech], Arizona (31 August 2016)

* You’re stealing my money! You’re stealing my fucking money! What the fuck is this? Why are you letting him steal my fucking money?&lt;br&gt;Fuck the law. I don’t give a fuck about the law. I want my fucking money.
**??? when informed he was required to fund a transition. [https://www.theguardian.com/news/2018/sep/27/this-guy-doesnt-know-anything-the-inside-story-of-trumps-shambolic-transition-team 27 September 2018 article in The Guardian by Michael Lewis ]

=====Speech in Jackson, Mississippi (August 24, 2016)=====
&lt;small&gt;Speech in {{w|Jackson, Mississippi}}. As quoted by ''{{w|CBS}}'' and ''{{w|The Hindu}}'' [http://newyork.cbslocal.com/2016/08/24/trump-clinton-bigot/][http://www.thehindu.com/news/international/republican-presidential-candidate-donald-trump-speaks-at-an-election-rally-in-mississippi/article9031151.ece] (August 24, 2016)&lt;/small&gt;
* '''Hillary Clinton is a bigot who sees people of color only as votes, not as human beings worthy of a better future.''' She's going to do nothing for African-Americans. She's going to do nothing for the Hispanics. She's only going to take care of herself, her consultants, her donors, these are the people she cares about. She doesn't care what her policies have done to your communities. She doesn't care. Remember this, you've had her policies — Democrats running some of the inner cities for 50, 70, 80, even over 100 years. And look what you have right now: poverty, no education, crime, you can't walk down the street with your child. We're going to fix it. Hillary Clinton has no remorse. I will fight to create a better future for every American.
* Eight years of Obama-Clinton policies have sacrificed our safety and undermined our freedom and independence. ... The Obama-Clinton foreign policy has unleashed ISIS, destabilised the Middle East and put the nation of Iran — which chants [[Death to America]] — in a dominant position of regional power and, in fact, aspiring to be a dominant world power.
* Our jobs have moved overseas, Islamic terrorism has spread within our shores and an open border has crushed low-income workers and threatened our security. The issues we face here in America are similar to the issues faced in Britain during their referendum on membership in the EU. This is the movement known as Brexit
* Hillary wants to surrender America to globalism. She wants a country without borders. She wants trade deals written for the benefit of foreign corporations. She wants a government that ignores the will of the people. She wants to sell out American security to the Clinton Foundation for a pile of cash. It is hard to tell where the Clinton Foundation ends and the [[United States Department of State|State Department]] begins. ... Hillary Clinton has betrayed her duty to the people.
* The job of a public official is to serve and protect the citizens of the United States. Not illegal immigrants, not foreign nationals seeking entry, but the people living here lawfully today — including millions of African-American and Hispanic citizens.
* I will fight for their security, I will fight for their jobs, I will fight for their families. One American Nation.
* It's time for America to recapture its destiny. Our government, our leaders, and our media have lost touch with the people. You need no better evidence of that than the fact that the media ignores the plight of Americans who have lost their children to illegal immigrants, but spends day after day pushing for amnesty for those here in violation of the law.
* This is the legacy of Hillary Clinton: death, destruction, terrorism and weakness. But Hillary Clinton's legacy doesn't have to be America's legacy.
* I have a message for the terrorists trying to kill our citizens: we will find you, we will destroy you, and we will win. This is not only a military fight, but we will also require cyberwarfare and financial warfare. It is also an ideological fight. We will confront directly the hateful ideology of Radical Islam — and promote American values, and American culture, and America's system of government.

====September 2016====
* We can't have someone in the Oval Office who doesn't understand the meaning of the word &quot;confidential&quot; or &quot;classified&quot;.
** [http://edition.cnn.com/2017/05/15/politics/donald-trump-classified-information/ Trump campaign speech in Greenville, North Carolina] (6 September 2016)

* For the first time in a long while, [[Hillary Clinton|her]] true feelings came out, showing bigotry and hatred for millions of Americans. How can she be President of our country when she has such contempt and disdain for so many great Americans?
** {{cite news |title=Clinton walks back 'deplorables' comment: I 'regret' using the term to describe 'half' of Trump's supporters |first=Beremy |last=Berke |work=[[w:Business Insider|Business Insider]] |date=10 September 2016 |url=http://www.businessinsider.com/clinton-regrets-deplorables-comment-2016-9/}}

* While my opponent slanders you as deplorable... I call you hard-working, American patriots.
** [https://www.c-span.org/video/?415085-1/donald-trump-campaigns-ashville-north-carolina Donald Trump Campaign Rally in Ashville, North Carolina], ''C-SPAN.org'' (12 September 2016).

*OK, what I do is, wash it with Head and Shoulders. I don't dry it, though. I let it dry by itself. It takes about an hour. Then I read papers and things…I also watch TV…OK, so I've done all that. I then comb my hair. Yes, I do use a comb…&lt;br&gt;Do I comb it forward? No, I don't comb it forward…I actually don't have a bad hairline. When you think about it, it's not bad. I mean, I get a lot of credit for comb-overs. But it's not really a comb-over. It's sort of a little bit forward and back. I've combed it the same way for years. Same thing, every time. 
**[https://www.newsmax.com/thewire/jimmy-fallon-donald-trump-mess-up-hair/2016/09/16/id/748677/ 15 September 2016 to Jimmy Fallon]

* Hillary Clinton and her campaign of 2008 started the birther controversy. I finished it. I finished it. You know what I mean. President Barack Obama was born in the United States, period. Now we all want to get back to making America strong and great again.
** {{cite news |title=Trump finally says Obama born in U.S., blames Clinton for controversy |work=USA Today |date=16 September 2016 |url=http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/elections/2016/2016/09/16/donald-trump-barack-obama-hillary-clinton-presidential-campaign-birtherism/90471868/}}
** [[wikipedia:Barack Obama citizenship conspiracy theories|Conspiracy theories about Barack Obama's citizenship]] were not started by Hillary Clinton's 2008 campaign according to ''[http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2016/sep/16/donald-trump/fact-checking-donald-trumps-claim-hillary-clinton-/ PolitiFact.com]'', and Trump continued to question Obama's citizenship for years after he released his long-form birth certificate in 2011[http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2016/sep/16/donald-trump/donald-trumps-pants-fire-claim-he-finished-obama-b/].

* People don't know how great you are. People don't know how smart you are. These are the smart people. These are the smart people. These are really the smart people. And they never like to say it, but I say it. And I'm a smart person. These are the smart. We have the smartest people. We have the smartest people. And they know it. Some say it, but they hate to say it. But we have the smartest people.
** Council Bluffs, Iowa, quoted in {{citation |date=2016-09-29 |title=Donald Trump's Bizarre Speech: 'You Are The Smartest People' |periodical=Leading Britain's Conversation |url=https://www.lbc.co.uk/politics/us-election/donald-trump/donald-trumps-bizarre-speech-smartest-people/}}

* On the question if he would honor the results of the election should he lose:&lt;br&gt;&quot;We're going to have to see. We're going to see what happens. We're going to have to see.&quot;
** [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/01/us/politics/donald-trump-interview-bill-hillary-clinton.html?_r=0 In an interview with the New York Times]; [http://www.nbcnews.com/card/trump-appears-back-pledge-support-clinton-if-she-wins-n657866 Trump Appears to Back Off Pledge to Support Clinton If She Wins], NBC News  (30 September 2016)

=====First presidential debate (September 26, 2016)=====
&lt;small&gt;[https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-fix/wp/2016/09/26/the-first-trump-clinton-presidential-debate-transcript-annotated/#annotations:10505575 Transcript], ''{{w|Washington Post}}''&lt;/small&gt; 

* Our jobs are fleeing the country. They're going to Mexico. They're going to many other countries. You look at what China is doing to our country in terms of making our product. They're devaluing their currency, and there's nobody in our government to fight them. And we have a very good fight. And we have a winning fight. Because they're using our country as a piggy bank to rebuild China, and many other countries are doing the same thing. ... We have to stop our jobs from being stolen from us. We have to stop our companies from leaving the United States and, with it, firing all of their people. ... We cannot let it happen. Under my plan, I'll be reducing taxes tremendously, from 35 percent to 15 percent for companies, small and big businesses. That's going to be a job creator like we haven't seen since [[Ronald Reagan]]. It's going to be a beautiful thing to watch. Companies will come. They will build. They will expand. New companies will start. And I look very, very much forward to doing it. We have to renegotiate our trade deals, and we have to stop these countries from stealing our companies and our jobs.

* Our country's in deep trouble. We don't know what we're doing when it comes to devaluations and all of these countries all over the world, especially China. They're the best, the best ever at it. What they're doing to us is a very, very sad thing.

* But in all fairness to Secretary Clinton, when she started talking about this, it was really very recently. She's been doing this for 30 years. And why hasn't she made the agreements better? The NAFTA agreement is defective. Just because of the tax and many other reasons, but just because of the fact Secretary Clinton and others, politicians, should have been doing this for years, not right now, because of the fact that we've created a movement.

* The first thing you do is don't let the jobs leave. The companies are leaving. I could name, I mean, there are thousands of them. They're leaving, and they're leaving in bigger numbers than ever. And what you do is you say, fine, you want to go to Mexico or some other country, good luck. We wish you a lot of luck. But if you think you're going to make your air conditioners or your cars or your cookies or whatever you make and bring them into our country without a tax, you're wrong. And once you say you're going to have to tax them coming in, and our politicians never do this, because they have special interests and the special interests want those companies to leave, because in many cases, they own the companies. So what I'm saying is, we can stop them from leaving. We have to stop them from leaving. And that's a big, big factor.

* '''CLINTON''': Donald was one of the people who rooted for the [[wikipedia:United States housing bubble|housing crisis]]. He said, back in 2006, &quot;Gee, I hope it does collapse, because then I can go in and buy some and make some money.&quot; Well, it did collapse.
: '''TRUMP''': That's called business, by the way.

* We invested in a solar company, our country. That was a disaster. They lost plenty of money on that one. Now, look, I'm a great believer in all forms of [[energy]], but we're putting a lot of people out of work. Our energy policies are a disaster. Our country is losing so much in terms of energy, in terms of paying off our debt. You can't do what you're looking to do with $20 trillion in debt. The Obama administration, from the time they've come in, is over 230 years' worth of debt, and he's topped it. He's doubled it in a course of almost eight years, seven-and-a-half years, to be semi- exact.

* We have to do a much better job at giving companies incentives to build new companies or to expand, because they're not doing it.

* NAFTA is the worst trade deal maybe ever signed anywhere, but certainly ever signed in this country. And now you [Hillary Clinton] [[wikipedia:Political positions of Hillary Clinton#Trans-Pacific_Partnership|want to approve Trans-Pacific Partnership]]. You were totally in favor of it. Then you heard what I was saying, how bad it is, and you said, I can't win that debate. But you know that if you did win, you would approve that, and that will be almost as bad as NAFTA. Nothing will ever top NAFTA.

* You are going to approve one of the [[wikipedia:Political positions of Hillary Clinton#Fiscal_policy_and_taxation|biggest tax cuts in history]]. You are going to approve one of the biggest tax increases in history. You are going to drive business out. Your regulations are a disaster, and you're going to increase regulations all over the place. And by the way, my tax cut is the biggest since [[wikipedia:Reaganomics|Ronald Reagan]]. I'm very proud of it. It will create tremendous numbers of new jobs. But regulations, you are going to regulate these businesses out of existence. ... The things that business as in people like the most is the fact that I'm cutting regulation. You have regulations on top of regulations, and new companies cannot form and old companies are going out of business. And you want to increase the regulations and make them even worse. I'm going to cut regulations. I'm going to cut taxes big league, and you're going to raise taxes big league, end of story.

* She's telling us how to fight ISIS. Just go to her website. She tells you how to fight ISIS on her website. I don't think General [[Douglas MacArthur]] would like that too much. ... See, you're telling the enemy everything you want to do. No wonder you've been fighting ISIS your entire adult life.

* I'm really calling for major jobs, because the wealthy are going create tremendous jobs. They're going to expand their companies. They're going to do a tremendous job. I'm getting rid of the carried interest provision. And if you really look, it's not a tax -- it's really not a great thing for the wealthy. It's a great thing for the middle class. It's a great thing for companies to expand.

* We have the worst revival of an economy since the [[Great Depression]]. And believe me: '''We're in a bubble right now. And the only thing that looks good is the [[stock market]], but if you raise [[interest]] rates even a little bit, that's going to come [[Stock market crash|crashing down]].'''

* I will release them as soon as the [[Auditor|audit]]. Look, I've been under audit almost for 15 years. I know a lot of wealthy people that have never been audited. I said, do you get audited? I get audited almost every year. And in a way, I should be complaining. I'm not even complaining. I don't mind it. It's almost become a way of life. I get audited by the [[IRS]]. But other people don't. I will say this. We have a situation in this country that has to be taken care of. I will release my tax returns -- against my lawyer's wishes -- when she [Hillary Clinton] releases her 33,000 e-mails that have been deleted. As soon as she releases them, I will release.
** About releasing his tax returns.

* That makes me smart.
** About that Trump didn't pay [[wikipedia:Income tax in the United States|federal income taxes]].

* That was more than a mistake. That was done purposely. OK? That was not a mistake. That was done purposely. When you have your staff taking the [[Fifth Amendment to the United States Constitution|Fifth Amendment]], taking the Fifth so they're not prosecuted, when you have the man that set up the illegal server taking the Fifth, I think it's disgraceful.
** About {{w|Hillary Clinton email controversy}}

* As far as my tax returns, you don't learn that much from tax returns. That I can tell you. You learn a lot from financial disclosure. And you should go down and take a look at that.

* I am very under[[wiktionary:leverage|leveraged]]. I have a great company. I have a tremendous income. And the reason I say that is not in a braggadocios way. It's because it's about time that this country had somebody running it that has an idea about money.

* Maybe he didn't do a good job and I was unsatisfied with his work ... On occasion, four times, we used certain laws that are there. And when Secretary Clinton talks about people that didn't get paid, first of all, they did get paid a lot, but taken advantage of the laws of the nation. Now, if you want to change the laws, you've been there a long time, change the laws. But I take advantage of the laws of the nation because I'm running a company. My obligation right now is to do well for myself, my family, my employees, for my companies. And that's what I do. ... She [Hillary Clinton] doesn't say is that tens of thousands of people that are unbelievably happy and that love me.
** About not having paid to some of his employees.

* We need law and order. If we don't have it, we're not going to have a country. ... We need law and order in our country.

* We have a situation where we have our inner cities, [[African American|African- Americans]], [[w:Hispanic American|Hispanics]] are living in hell because it's so dangerous. You walk down the street, you get shot.

* Now, whether or not in a place like Chicago you do [[wikipedia:Frisking|stop and frisk]], which worked very well, [[Rudy Giuliani|Mayor Giuliani]] is here, [[wikipedia:Stop-and-frisk in New York City|worked very well in New York]]. It brought the crime rate way down. But you take the gun away from criminals that shouldn't be having it. We have [[wikipedia:Gangs in the United States|gangs roaming the street]]. And in many cases, they're illegally here, [[illegal immigrants]]. And they have guns. And they shoot people. And we have to be very strong. And we have to be very vigilant.

* Our police, in many cases, are afraid to do anything. We have to protect our inner cities, because African-American communities are being decimated by crime, decimated.

* '''HOLT''': Stop-and-frisk was ruled unconstitutional in New York, because it largely singled out black and Hispanic young men.
: '''TRUMP''': No, you're wrong. It went before a judge, who was a very against-police judge. It was taken away from her. And our mayor, our new mayor, refused to go forward with the case. They would have won an appeal. If you look at it, throughout the country, there are many places where it's allowed.
: '''HOLT''': The argument is that it's a form of racial profiling.
: '''TRUMP''': No, the argument is that we have to take the guns away from these people that have them and they are bad people that shouldn't have them.

* You need more police. You need a better community, you know, relation. ... You need better relationships between the communities and the police, because in some cases, it's not good.

* So when you [Hillary Clinton] tried to act holier than thou, it really doesn't work. It really doesn't.

* We should be better than anybody else, and perhaps we're not. I don't think anybody knows it was Russia that [[wikipedia:Democratic National Committee cyber attacks|broke into the DNC]]. She's saying Russia, Russia, Russia, but I don't -- maybe it was. I mean, it could be Russia, but it could also be China. It could also be lots of other people. It also could be somebody sitting on their bed that weighs 400 pounds, OK?

* We have to get very, very tough on cyber and cyber warfare.

* President Obama and Secretary Clinton created a vacuum the way they got [[wikipedia:Withdrawal of U.S. troops from Iraq|out of Iraq]], because they got out -- what, they shouldn't have been in, but once they got in, the way they got out was a disaster. And ISIS was formed.

* I said it to you once, had we taken the [[oil]] -- and we should have taken the oil -- ISIS would not have been able to form either, because the [[wikipedia:Oil production and smuggling in ISIL|oil was their primary source of income]]. And now they have the oil all over the place, including the oil -- a lot of the oil in Libya, which was another one of her disasters.

* You [Hillary Clinton] look at the Middle East, you started the Iran deal, that's another beauty where you have a country that was ready to fall, I mean, they were doing so badly. They were choking on the sanctions. And now they're going to be actually probably a major power at some point pretty soon, the way they're going.

* I think we have to get [[NATO]] to go into the Middle East with us, in addition to surrounding nations, and we have to knock the hell out of ISIS, and we have to do it fast, when ISIS formed in this vacuum created by Barack Obama and Secretary Clinton. And believe me, you were the ones that took out the troops. ... When they formed, this is something that never should have happened. It should have never happened. Now, you're talking about taking out ISIS. But you were there, and you were secretary of state when it was a little infant. Now it's in over 30 countries. And you're going to stop them? I don't think so.

* I think the best person in her [Clinton's] campaign is mainstream media.

* The single greatest problem the world has is nuclear armament, nuclear weapons, not global warming, like you think and your -- your president thinks.

====October 2016====
* I'd never withdraw. I've never withdrawn in my life.
** [https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/amid-growing-calls-to-drop-out-trump-vows-to-never-withdraw/2016/10/08/8c0b5b7a-8d68-11e6-bff0-d53f592f176e_story.html?postshare=8561475940907652&amp;tid=ss_tw phone call to the Washington Post] (8 October 2016)

* So important that you get out and vote. So important that you watch other communities, because we don't want this election stolen from us. We don't want this election stolen from us.
** [https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-fix/wp/2016/10/11/donald-trump-unplugged-as-ever/ Transcript of speech] at [[wikipedia:Ambridge, Pennsylvania|Ambridge, Pennsylvania]] (October 10, 2016)

* '''Donald Trump''': Now, he's supposed to look like Donald Trump, but he's actually much too good looking. ''[to toddler]'' You are really handsome... Do you want to go back to [your parents] or do you want to stay with Donald Trump?&lt;br&gt;'''Toddler''': Trump.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=snou8qrElnM Little Trump Look-Alike Comes on Stage with Donald in Wilkes-Barre 10/10/16], [[wikipedia:Right Side Broadcasting Network|Right Side Broadcasting]], ''YouTube''. Quoted in [http://people.com/politics/donald-trump-meets-his-mini-me-at-pennsylvania-rally/ &quot;Donald Trump Meets His Mini-Me at Pennsylvania Rally&quot;] by Dave Quinn, ''People.com'' (October 11, 2016).

* Hillary Clinton meets in secret with international banks to plot the destruction of U.S. sovereignty in order to enrich these global financial powers, her special interest friends and her donors.
* Honestly, she should be locked up. She should be. Should be locked up.
** [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/14/us/politics/trump-comments-linked-to-antisemitism.html at a rally in West Palm Beach, Florida] (October 13, 2016)

* She [Clinton] walks in front of me, she walks in front of me, you know. And when she walked in front of me, believe me I wasn't impressed.
* Reporters at [[The New York Times]] are not journalists. They're corporate lobbyists for [[Carlos Slim Helú|Carlos Slim]] and Hillary Clinton.
* Believe me: She [one of the women accusing him of sexual assault] would not be my first choice, that I can tell you.
** [http://www.cnn.com/2016/10/14/politics/donald-trump-hillary-clinton-appearance-debate/ at a rally in Greensboro, N.C.] Also quoted in [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/15/us/politics/trump-speech-highlights.html?hp&amp;action=click&amp;pgtype=Homepage&amp;clickSource=story-heading&amp;module=first-column-region&amp;region=top-news&amp;WT.nav=top-news Donald Trump's Barrage of Heated Rhetoric Has Little Precedent] (October 14, 2016)

* Our movement is about replacing a failed and corrupt - and when I say corrupt, I'm talking about totally corrupt - political establishment [Obamacare] with a new government controlled by you, the American people. There is nothing the political establishment will not do. No lie that they won't tell to hold their prestige and power at your expense and that's what's been happening. The Washington establishment and the financial and media corporations that funded exist for only one reason: to protect and enrich itself. The establishment has trillions of dollars at stake in this election. As an example, just one single trade deal they'd like to pass involves trillions of dollars controlled by many countries, corporations, and lobbyists. For those who controlled the levels of power in Washington, and for the global special interests, they partner with these people that don't have your good in mind. Our campaign represents a true existential threat like they haven't seen before. 
** At a campaign rally in Florida (13 October 2016)

* No, no, lot of things are going on folks, lot of things. I think she's actually getting pumped up, if you want to know the truth, she's getting pumped up, you understand? In fact we're going to be talking about that in a few minutes. She's getting pumped up for Wednesday night. Let's see. You know, I don't know, maybe, we're like athletes, right? Hey, look, I beat seventeen senators, governors, I beat all these people, we're like athletes. Hillary beat Bernie, although it looks like Bernie got a little bit of a bad deal based on Wikileaks, right? If you look at Wikileaks. But we're like athletes, right? So athletes, they're making them more and more, but athletes, they make them take a drug test, right? I think we should take a drug test prior to the debate, I do. I think we should, why don't we do that? We should take a drug test, prior, because I don't know what's going on with her. But at the beginning of her last debate, she was all pumped up at the beginning, and at the end it was like, &quot;Uh, take me down.&quot; She could barely reach her car. So I think we should take a drug test, I'm, er, anyway I'm willing to do it.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3mE7YkeasOA At a rally in Portsmouth, New Hampshire, about his rival Hillary Clinton's performance during the presidential debates] (15 October 2016)

* Such a nasty woman. [of Hillary Clinton]
** Third Presidential debate (19 October 2016), [http://fortune.com/2016/10/19/presidential-debate-third-transcript/ full transcript] at ''[[wikipedia:Fortune (magazine)|fortune.com]]''.

* I would like to promise and pledge to all of my voters and supporters and to all of the people of the United States that I will totally accept the results of this great and historic presidential election, ''if I win''.
** 20 October 2016, quoted in {{citation |date=2016-10-20 |title=Donald Trump: 'I will totally accept' election results 'if I win' |author=Jeremy Diamond |periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2016/10/20/politics/donald-trump-i-will-totally-accept-election-results-if-i-win/index.html}}

* These events give not only the candidates a chance to be with each other in a very social setting; it also allows the candidates the opportunity to meet the other candidate's team — good team. I know Hillary met my campaign manager, and I got the chance to meet the people who are working so hard to get her elected. There they are — the heads of NBC, CNN, CBS, ABC — there's the New York Times, right over there, and the Washington Post. They're working overtime. True. True. Oh, this one’s going to get me in trouble.
** Al Smith charity dinner speech, 20 October 2016

*Hillary is so corrupt, she got kicked off the Watergate commission.
**Al Smith charity dinner speech, [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/election-us-2016-37724391 20 October 2016]

* I'm going to fight for every American in every last part of this nation.  We have a president who doesn't fight.  He goes out and plays golf all the time.   
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cC_3IxKcQIA Hardball with Chris Matthews, August 4, 2017] October 23 rally

*She didn't know what to do, well how did you get him, uh well uh... they were sent by Russia! You know they're always using Russia
**[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smKITCJJMnc&amp;t=18m30s October 25, 2016 rally in Sanford] regarding [[Donna Brazile]]

* And I have to give the [[Federal Bureau of Investigation|FBI]] credit, that was so bad, what happened, originally, and it took guts for [[James Comey|Director Comey]] to make the move that he made, in light of the kind of opposition he had, with their trying to protect her from criminal prosecution, you know that. It took a lot of guts, I really disagreed with him, I was not his fan, but I'll tell you what, what he did, he brought back his reputation, he brought it back. He's got to hang tough, because there's a lot of, lotta people, want him to do the wrong thing, what he did was the right thing.
** [http://edition.cnn.com/videos/politics/2016/10/31/donald-trump-james-comey-has-guts-grand-rapids-sot.cnn At a rally in Grand Rapids, Michigan] shortly after Comey announced the FBI would investigate further emails relating to Hillary Clinton, but before his statement that no incriminating information was found within them (31 October 2016)

=====Second presidential debate (October 9, 2016)=====
&lt;small&gt;[http://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/10/us/politics/transcript-second-debate.html Transcript], ''{{w|New York Times}}''&lt;/small&gt; 

* '''[[Anderson Cooper]]''': You bragged that you have [[Sexual assault|sexually assaulted]] women. Do you understand that?&lt;br&gt;'''Donald Trump''': No, I didn't say that at all. I don't think you understood what was — this was locker room talk.

* I have great respect for women. Nobody has more respect for women than I do.

* ...if I win, I am going to instruct my attorney general to get a special prosecutor to look into your [Hilary Clinton's] situation, because there has never been so many lies, so much deception. There has never been anything like it, and we're going to have a special prosecutor.

* '''Hillary Clinton''': ...it's just awfully good that someone with the temperament of Donald Trump is not in charge of the law in our country.&lt;br&gt;'''Donald Trump''': Because you'd be in jail.

* '''Cooper''': Please allow her to respond. She didn't talk while you talked.&lt;br&gt;'''Clinton''': Yes, that's true, I didn't.&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': Because you have nothing to say.

* '''[[wikipedia:Martha Raddatz|Martha Raddatz]]''': ...you, Secretary Clinton, purportedly say you need both a public and private position on certain issues....&lt;br&gt;'''Clinton''': As I recall, that was something I said about [[Abraham Lincoln]] after having seen [[Lincoln (2012 film)|the wonderful Steven Spielberg movie]] ...&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': Now she's blaming the lie on the late, great Abraham Lincoln. That's one that I haven't... OK, Honest Abe, Honest Abe never lied. That's the good thing. That's the big difference between Abraham Lincoln and you. That's a big, big difference. We're talking about some difference.

* I know nothing about Russia. I know — I know about Russia, but I know nothing about the inner workings of Russia.

* '''Cooper''': Did you use that $916 million loss to avoid paying personal federal income taxes for years?&lt;br&gt;'''Trump''': Of course I do. Of course I do. And so do all of her donors, or most of her donors. ... I pay tremendous numbers of taxes. I absolutely used it. And so did Warren Buffett and so did George Soros and so did many of the other people that Hillary is getting money from. 

* ...NAFTA, signed by her husband, is perhaps the greatest disaster trade deal in the history of the world.

====November 2016====
* I'm also honored to have the greatest temperament that anybody has.
** Quoted by {{citation | author=Sam Stein | date=2016-11-03 |title=Donald Trump Is Honored To Have The Greatest Temperament, Donald Trump Says | periodical=Huffington Post | url=https://www.huffpost.com/entry/donald-trump-temperament_n_581b75d3e4b0b8e11a135eac}} 

* Our movement is about replacing a failed and corrupt political establishment with a new government controlled by you, the American people. The establishment has trillions of dollars at stake in this election. For those who control the levers of power in Washington and for the global special interests, they partner with these people that don't have your good in mind. The political establishment that is trying to stop us is the same group responsible for our disastrous trade deals, massive illegal immigration and economic and foreign policies that have bled our country dry. The political establishment has brought about the destruction of our factories and our jobs as they flee to Mexico, China and other countries all around the world. It's a global power structure that is responsible for the economic decisions that have robbed our working class, stripped our country of its wealth and put that money into the pockets of a handful of large corporations and political entities. The only thing that can stop this corrupt machine is you. The only force strong enough to save our country is us. The only people brave enough to vote out this corrupt establishment is you, the American people. I'm doing this for the people and the movement and we will take back this country for you and we will make America great again. I'm Donald Trump and I approve this message.
** Closing argument for America (4 November 2016)
*** Lines recycled from Trump's campaign rally in West Palm Beach, FL (10/13/2016)

* No dream is too big, no challenge is too great. Nothing we want for our future is beyond our reach. America will no longer settle for anything less than the best.
** [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/11/10/us/politics/trump-speech-transcript.html Victory Speech] (9 November 2016)

* I think I'm a sober person. I think the press tries to make you into something a little bit different. In my case, a little bit of a wild man, I'm not, I'm actually not. I'm a very sober person.
** During an interview on 60 Minutes (11 November 2016)

=====''New York Times'' Interview (November 23, 2016)=====
: &lt;small&gt;''{{w|New York Times}}'' Interview, [http://www.nytimes.com/2016/11/23/us/politics/trump-new-york-times-interview-transcript.html?smid=tw-share Transcript] (November 23, 2016)&lt;/small&gt;
* People are giving up tremendous careers in order to be subject to you folks and subject to a lot of other folks. But they're giving up a lot. I mean some are giving up tremendous businesses in order to sit for four or maybe eight or whatever the period of time is. But I think we're going to see some tremendous talent, tremendous talent coming in. We have many people for every job. I mean no matter what the job is, we have many incredible people. I think, [[wikipedia:Reince Priebus|Reince]], you can sort of just confirm that. The quality of the people is very good. ... We're trying very hard to get the best people. Not necessarily people that will be the most politically correct people, because that hasn't been working. So we have really experts in the field. Some are known and some are not known, but they're known within their field as being the best. That's very important to me.
* I think the popular vote would have been easier in a true sense because you'd go to a few places. I think that's the genius of the [[w:United States Electoral College|Electoral College]]. I was never a fan of the Electoral College until now.
* What we do want to do is we want to bring the country together, because the country is very, very divided, and that's one thing I did see, big league. It's very, very divided, and I'm going to work very hard to bring the country together.
* I want to move forward, I don't want to move back. And I don't want to hurt the Clintons. I really don't. She went through a lot. And suffered greatly in many different ways. And I am not looking to hurt them at all. The campaign was vicious. They say it was the most vicious primary and the most vicious campaign. I guess, added together, it was definitely the most vicious; probably, I assume you sold a lot of newspapers. ... It's just not something that I feel very strongly about. ... I'm not looking to look back and go through this. This was a very painful period. This was a very painful election with all of the email things and all of the foundation things and all of the everything that they went through and the whole country went through. This was a very painful period of time.
** About not prosecuting Hillary Clinton.
* Our country's really in bad, big trouble. We have a lot of trouble. A lot of problems. And one of the big problems, I talk about, [[divisiveness]]. I think that a lot of people will appreciate … I'm not doing it for that reason. I'm doing it because it's time to go in a different direction.
* '''Clean air is vitally important. Clean water, crystal clean water is vitally important. Safety is vitally important.'''
* Sometimes I'll say I'm actually an [[environmentalist]] and people will smile in some cases and other people that know me understand that's true. Open mind.
* We're not a competitive nation with other nations anymore. We have to make ourselves competitive. We're not competitive for a lot of reasons. That's becoming more and more of the reason. Because a lot of these countries that we do business with, they make deals with our president, or whoever, and then they don't adhere to the deals, you know that. And it's much less expensive for their companies to produce products. So I'm going to be studying that very hard, and I think I have a very big voice in it. And I think my voice is listened to, especially by people that don't believe in it. And we'll let you know.
* As far as the, you know, potential conflict of interests, though, I mean I know that from the standpoint, the law is totally on my side, meaning, the president can't have a conflict of interest. That's been reported very widely. Despite that, I don't want there to be a conflict of interest anyway. And the laws, the president can't. And I understand why the president can't have a conflict of interest now because everything a president does in some ways is like a conflict of interest.
* I don't care about my company. ... Because it doesn't matter. The only thing that matters to me is running our country.
* It's hard to explain. I don't care about anything having to do with anything having to do with anything other than the country.
* In theory I could run my business perfectly, and then run the country perfectly. And there's never been a case like this where somebody's had, like, if you look at other people of wealth, they didn't have this kind of asset and this kind of wealth, frankly. It's just a different thing.
* I've known [[Steve Bannon]] a long time. If I thought he was a [[Racism in the United States|racist]], or [[alt-right]], or any of the things that we can, you know, the terms we can use, I wouldn't even think about hiring him. First of all, I'm the one that makes the decision, not Steve Bannon or anybody else.
* To me more important is taking care of the people that really have proven to be, to love Donald Trump, as opposed to the political people. And frankly if the political people don't take care of these people, they're not going to win and you're going to end up with maybe a total different kind of government than what you're looking at right now. These people are really angry. They're smart, they're workers, and they're angry. I call them the forgotten men and women. And I use that in speeches, I say they're the forgotten people — they were totally forgotten.
* I would love to be able to be the one that made peace with Israel and the Palestinians. I would love that, that would be such a great achievement. Because nobody's been able to do it. ...  I've had a lot of, actually, great Israeli businesspeople tell me, you can't do that, it's impossible. I disagree, I think you can make peace. I think people are tired now of being shot, killed. At some point, when do they come? I think we can do that. I have reason to believe I can do that.
* [[The Times]] is, it's a great, great American jewel. A world jewel.

====December 2016====
* There is no global anthem, no global [[currency]], no certificate of global [[citizenship]], we pledge allegiance to one flag and that flag is the [[Flag of the United States|American Flag]]!
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBqIUF-cdgY#t=15m38s Thank You Tour - Cincinnati, Ohio] (1 December 2016)

* Funny how that term caught on, isn't it? I tell everyone, I hated it. Somebody said 'drain the swamp' and I said, 'Oh, that is so hokey. That is so terrible.' I said, all right, I'll try it. So like a month ago I said 'drain the swamp' and the place went crazy. And I said 'Whoa, what's this?' Then I said it again. And then I start saying it like I meant it, right? And then I started to love it, and the place loved it. Drain the swamp. It's true. It's true. Drain the swamp.
** [http://www.cnbc.com/2016/12/21/trump-adviser-says-he-is-ditching-drain-the-swamp.html During a rally in Des Moines, Iowa] (December 2016)

* We will pursue a new foreign policy that finally learns from the mistakes of the past. We will stop looking to topple regimes and overthrow governments. ... Our goal is stability, not chaos, because we want to rebuild our country. It's time.
** Speaking at U.S. Bank Arena, quoted in {{citation |date=2016-12-01 |title=Trump's new foreign policy: 'We will stop looking to topple regimes' |author=Anna Giaritelli |periodical={{w|Washington Examiner}} |url=http://www.washingtonexaminer.com/trumps-new-foreign-policy-we-will-stop-looking-to-topple-regimes/article/2608687}}

===2017===
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|&lt;div id=&quot;articlecount&quot; style=&quot;width:100%; text-align:center; font-size:105%;&quot;&gt; 20 January 2017 [[File:Seal of the President of the United States.svg|20px]] - Donald Trump's presidency began&lt;/div&gt;
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{{main|First presidency of Donald Trump}}
* '''Reporter:''' Would a reasonable observer say that you are potentially vulnerable to blackmail by Russia or by its [[Espionage|intelligence]] agencies?&lt;br&gt;'''Trump:''' Lemme just tell you what I do. When I leave our country, I'm a very high-profile person, would you say? I am extremely careful. I'm surrounded by bodyguards. I'm surrounded by people. And I always tell them—anywhere, but I always tell them if I'm leaving this country, &quot;Be very careful, because in your hotel rooms and no matter where you go, you're gonna probably have cameras.&quot; I'm not referring just to Russia, but I would certainly put them in that category. And number one, &quot;I hope you're gonna be good anyway. But in those rooms, you have cameras in the strangest places. Cameras that are so small with modern technology, you can't see them and you won't know. You better be careful, or you'll be watching yourself on nightly television.&quot; I tell this to people all the time. I was in Russia years ago, with the Miss Universe contest, which did very well—Moscow, the Moscow area did very, very well. And I told many people, &quot;Be careful, because you don't wanna see yourself on television. Cameras all over the place.&quot;&lt;br&gt;And again, not just Russia, all over. Does anyone really believe that story? I'm also very much of a germaphobe, by the way, believe me.
** [https://www.nytimes.com/2017/01/11/us/politics/trump-press-conference-transcript.html, Donald Trump Press Conference at Trump Tower] (11 January 2017)

* People don't realize, you know, the [[American Civil War|Civil War]], if you think about it, why?
** [http://www.nbcnews.com/politics/politics-news/trump-why-couldn-t-civil-war-have-been-avoided-n753241 Trump: Why Couldn't the Civil War Have Been Avoided?] (May 1, 2017)

===2019===
* ''Q:'' Does the buck stop with you over this shutdown?&lt;br /&gt;''Trump:'' The buck stops with everybody.
**[https://theweek.com/speedreads/816895/president-trump-buck-stops-everybody January 10, 2019]

* I just feel like a young man.  I’m so young.  I can’t believe it.  I’m the youngest person.  I am a young, vibrant man. I look at Joe — I don’t know about him.  I don’t know. I would never say anyone is too old, but I know they’re all making me look very young, both in terms of age and I think in terms of energy.  I think you people know that better than anybody.
**[https://trumpwhitehouse.archives.gov/briefings-statements/remarks-president-trump-marine-one-departure-40/ April 26, 2019]

*The Jews always flip.
**attested to by Michael Wolff [https://forward.com/fast-forward/425037/trump-jews-always-flip-michael-wolff-michael-cohen-david-pecker/ 28 May 2019]

* Our army manned the air, it rammed the ramparts, it took over the airports, it did everything it had to do.
** Trump was describing battles in 1775, as quoted in [https://www.bbc.com/news/48885319 Trump blames 'airports' gaffe on teleprompter]

*The kidney has a very special place in the heart.
**[https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/video/2019/jul/11/the-kidney-has-a-very-special-place-in-the-heart-says-donald-trump-video 11 July 2019]

===2020===
====January 2020====
* &lt;!--[00:00](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxEwTFJG1DQ&amp;t=0s): Tesla's now worth more than GM and Ford; do you have comments on Elon Musk?  --&gt;&lt;!-- [00:04](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxEwTFJG1DQ&amp;t=4s):--&gt; Well, you have to give [[Elon Musk|him]] credit.  I spoke to him very recently, and he's also doing the rockets, he likes rockets, and he does good at rockets too, by the way.  I never saw… where [[w:Falcon 9 first-stage booster|the engines]] come down with no wings, no anything, [[w:Falcon 9 first-stage landings|and they're landing]].  I've said I've never seen that before. &lt;!--[00:19](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxEwTFJG1DQ&amp;t=19s):--&gt; And I was worried about him, because he's one of our great geniuses, and we have to protect our genius.  We have to protect [[Thomas Edison]], we have to protect all of these people that came up originally with the [[w:light bulb|light bulb]], and the [[w:wheel|wheel]], and all of these things.  And he's one of our very smart people, and we want to cherish those people, that's very important.  But he's done a very good job. &lt;!--[00:41](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxEwTFJG1DQ&amp;t=41s):--&gt; Shocking, how well, …how it's come so fast.  You go back a year, and they were talking about the end of [[w:Tesla, Inc.|the company]] and all of a sudden they're talking about these great things.  He's going to be building [[w:Gigafactory|a very big plant]] in the United States.  He has to.  Because we help him, so he has to help us.
** on [[Elon Musk]], [[Tesla]], and [[SpaceX]] after Tesla stock valuation beat [[w:General Motors|General Motors]] and [[w:Ford Motor Company|Ford]] combined
** {{citation|url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxEwTFJG1DQ|title=Trump on Elon Musk: I was worried about him, because he's one of our great geniuses|interviewer=[[w:Joe Kernen|Joe Kernen]]|date=2020-01-22|work=CNBC Television|via=Youtube|location=[[w:World Economic Forum|World Economic Forum]], [[w:Davos|Davos]], Switzerland}}

====February 2020====
* There are a lot of dishonest slimeballs out there. Dishonest scum. Dirty cops, lot of dirty cops … the ones on top, they were absolute scum.
** Trump described former senior law enforcement officials who were involved in the FBI probes into his campaign, as quoted in {{citation|date=2020-02-20|title=Trump repeatedly struggles to pronounce words during conspiracy-laden rally, before suggesting he'll pardon Roger Stone in late-night tweet |author=Tom Embury-Dennis |periodical=Independent |url=https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-rally-twitter-roger-stone-sentence-pardon-2020-election-rally-phoenix-arizona-a9345956.html}}

* Can we get like ''[[Gone with the Wind (film)|Gone with the Wind]]'' back, please? ''[[Sunset Boulevard]]'', so many great movies.  
** [https://economictimes.indiatimes.com/magazines/panache/trump-slams-oscar-winning-south-korean-film-parasite-praises-gone-with-the-wind/videoshow/74251536.cms]
** [https://economictimes.indiatimes.com/magazines/panache/trump-slams-oscar-winning-south-korean-film-parasite-praises-gone-with-the-wind/videoshow/74251536.cms Trump slams Oscar-winning South Korean film 'Parasite', praises 'Gone with the Wind']video posted February 22, 2020

====March 2020====
:See also:
::'''''[[COVID-19 pandemic in the United States]]'''''

* I know South Korea better than anybody, it's a very tight — do you know how many people are in Seoul? Do you know how big the city of Seoul is? 38 million people. That's bigger than anything we have.
** Trump talking about Seoul, which is a city with 10 million people according to the city government's English language website. As quoted by {{citation |date=2020-03-30 |title=Trump tried to flex by asking a reporter about the population of Seoul. Then he got it wrong by 28 million. |author=Jake Lahut |periodical=Business Insider |url=https://www.businessinsider.com/coronavirus-trump-got-the-population-of-seoul-wrong-by-millions-2020-3?r=US&amp;IR=T}}

====April 2020====
* It's called &quot;[[social media]].&quot; It's social media. It gets out. I have, you know, hundreds of millions of people. Number one on [[Facebook]].  Did you know I was number one on Facebook? I mean, I just found out I'm number one on Facebook. I thought that was very nice for whatever it means. No, it represents something. And when I can explain to people: Just don't do it. You know, it's going to be bad if you do it. It's going to be really bad. And they don't need to do it. They have enough problems. [[Iran]] has enough problems without doing that. But we’ve been pulling back very substantially over the last year, in [[Iraq]]. And so, you know, that's the way it is.
** Coronavirus task force press briefing, {{#formatdate:2020-04-01}}, quoted in {{citation |date=2020-04-01 |title=Remarks by President Trump, Vice President Pence, and Members of the Coronavirus Task Force in Press Briefing |author=James S. Brady |periodical=White House |url=https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefings-statements/remarks-president-trump-vice-president-pence-members-coronavirus-task-force-press-briefing-16/}}.
** Note: At April 1, [https://web.archive.org/web/20200401020635if_/https://www.facebook.com/DonaldTrump/ Trump's official page], with 26.8 million likes and 28.5 million followers, was not among the [[w:List of most-followed Facebook pages|most-followed Facebook pages]]. At January 6, speaking on [[Rush Limbaugh]]'s radio show Trump stated that [[Mark Zuckerberg]] told him that he was &quot;number one on Facebook&quot;, claim that was not refuted by Facebook as reported in ''[https://www.huffingtonpost.com.au/entry/trump-mark-zuckerberg-facebook_n_5e12e125e4b0843d3615393f Trump Claims Mark Zuckerberg Told Him He's 'Number One On Facebook']'' (January 8, 2020) by Josephine Harvey, ''{{w|HuffPost Australia}}''

====May 2020====
*I have not touched my face in a week.
**[https://www.huffpost.com/entry/trump-face-touching-video-proof_n_5e601ac1c5b6985ec91abce1]

====August 2020====
* I read a lot. I comprehend extraordinarily well. Probably better than anybody you’ve interviewed in a long time,
** As quoted by {{citation | author=Aaron Rupar | date=2020-08-03 |title=“They are dying. That’s true. It is what it is.” Trump’s Axios interview was a disaster. | periodical=VOX | url=https://www.vox.com/2020/8/4/21354055/trump-axios-interview-jonathan-swan}}

* I don't know. I really don't know. I don't know. I don't know John Lewis.  He chose not to come to my inauguration. He chose -- I don't -- I never met John Lewis actually, I don't believe.
** Trump was responding to how civil rights icon John Lewis will be remembered, as quoted by {{citation | author=Tyler Olson | date=2020-08-03 |title=Trump withholds praise for John Lewis, notes he 'didn't come to my inauguration'| periodical=Fox News| url=https://www.foxnews.com/politics/trump-john-lewis-inauguration}} 

* Yeah, I wish her well.
* But I wish her well.
* I do wish her well.
** Said about [[Ghislaine Maxwell]], quoted in [https://www.politico.com/news/2020/08/04/trump-well-wishes-ghislaine-maxwell-391274 &quot;Trump doubles down on well-wishes for alleged sex trafficker Ghislaine Maxwell&quot;] ''Politico'' (August 4, 2020)

* So showerheads — you take a shower, the water doesn’t come out. You want to wash your hands, the water doesn’t come out. So what do you do? You just stand there longer or you take a shower longer? Because my hair — I don’t know about you, but it has to be perfect. Perfect.
** Quoted by {{citation | author=Debbie White, Jon Rogers, Fionnuala O'Leary | date=2020-08-12 |title=US proposes change to shower rules after President’s hair-washing complaint | periodical=The SUN | url=https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/12369436/donald-trump-latest-news-live-updates/}} 

* Don't buy GOODYEAR TIRES - They announced a BAN ON MAGA HATS. Get better tires for far less! (This is what the Radical Left Democrats do. Two can play the same game, and we have to start playing it now!)
** Quoted by {{citation | author=Betsy Klein | date=2020-08-19 |title=Trump 'cancels' Goodyear tires as he campaigns against 'cancel culture'
 | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/08/19/politics/trump-goodyear-cancel-culture/index.html}} 

* I don't know much about the movement other than I understand they like me very much, which I appreciate
** Said about the [[QAnon]] group, as quoted by {{citation | author=Kevin Liptak | date=2020-08-20 |title=Trump embraces QAnon conspiracy because 'they like me' | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/08/19/politics/donald-trump-qanon/index.html}}

* If Jesus came down and was the vote counter, I would win California.
** [https://www.foxla.com/news/trump-tells-dr-phil-he-would-have-won-california-2020-jesus-was-counting-votes &quot;Trump tells Dr. Phil he would have won California in 2020 if Jesus 'was the vote counter'&quot;] ''Fox 11 Los Angeles'' (August 30, 2024)

====September 2020====
* CNN reported that I had a heart attack.
** Claimed as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-09-03 |title=Even Fox News is choosing not to cover Trump's rallies in full, but his falsehoods are still eye-popping |author=Brian Stelter | periodical=CNN |url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/09/04/media/donald-trump-pennsylvania-reliable-sources/index.html}}

* I don't think [[science]] knows, actually.
* It'll start getting cooler. You just watch.
** Trump described his stance on [[Scientific consensus on climate change|climate science]] and [[global warming]], as quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-14 | title=Trump baselessly questions climate science during California wildfire briefing | author= Maegan Vazquez | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/09/14/politics/donald-trump-wildfires-briefing-climate-change/index.html}} 

* Critical race theory, the 1619 Project, and the crusade against American history is toxic propaganda, ideological poison that, if not removed, will dissolve the civic bonds that tie us together. It will destroy our country.
** [https://trumpwhitehouse.archives.gov/briefings-statements/remarks-president-trump-white-house-conference-american-history/ Remarks by President Trump at the White House Conference on American History] (17 September 2020)

*She just died? Wow. I didn't know that. You are telling me now for the first time. She led an amazing life. What else can you say? Whether you agreed or not, she was an amazing woman who led an amazing life. I am actually sad to hear that.
**[https://deadline.com/2020/09/donald-trump-ruth-bader-ginsburg-1234579988/ On the death of Ruth Bader Ginsburg] (18 September 2020)

* Can you believe it, in one week they nominated me, not for one, but for two Nobel prizes.  But you know, you have a president, you love your president, and your president gets honored, because I’m not being honored, you’re being honored with the Nobel Peace Prize, for Israel, what we did with Israel. 
** Quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-19 | title=Trump’s Nobel Nonsense | author= Robert Farley | periodical=FactCheck.org| url=https://www.factcheck.org/2020/09/trumps-nobel-nonsense/}} 

* I’m the only man that got nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize and I didn’t get any press.  They wouldn’t. For two of them. Last week, I’m not bragging about it.
** Quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-21 | title=Trump’s Nobel Nonsense | author= Robert Farley | periodical=FactCheck.org| url=https://www.factcheck.org/2020/09/trumps-nobel-nonsense/}} 

* The stated goal of BLM people is to achieve the destruction of the nuclear family, abolish the police, abolish prisons, abolish border security, abolish [[capitalism]] and abolish school choice.  
** Claimed about the Black Lives Matter movement, as quoted in {{citation | date=2020-09-25 | title=Donald Trump launches blistering attack on the Black Lives Matter movement | author= Graeme Massie | periodical=Independent.co.uk | url=https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/donald-trump-rally-today-blm-black-lives-matter-b604727.html}} 

* Totally fake news
** [https://www.politico.com/news/2020/09/27/trump-calls-nyt-tax-report-totally-fake-news-422330Trump responding] to the NYT report on the alleged tax avoidance by Donald Trump

* [[Steve Jobs]] would not be happy that his wife is wasting  money he left her on a failing Radical Left Magazine that is run by a con man (Goldberg) and spews FAKE NEWS &amp; HATE. Call her, write her, let her know how you feel!!!
** [[Trump]] in [https://www.cnn.com/2020/09/06/business/donald-trump-laurene-powell-jobs/?iid=ob_lockedrail_longstory_pool Trump attacks the sixth-richest woman in the world for her ties to] [[w:The Atlantic|The Atlantic]] on September 6, 2020

====October 2020====
* I think this was a blessing from God that I caught it. It was a blessing in disguise.
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-08 |title=Trump returns to Oval Office and says coronavirus diagnosis was 'blessing from God' | author=Kevin Liptak | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/10/07/politics/trump-oval-office-coronavirus/index.html}}

* I'll walk into that audience. I'll walk in there, I'll kiss everyone in that audience.  I'll kiss the guys and the beautiful women and the -- everybody. I'll just give everybody a big, fat kiss.
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-12 |title=Trump mocks virus as he launches potential superspreader sprint to win reelection | author=Stephen Collinson | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/10/13/politics/donald-trump-election-2020-campaign/index.html}}

* They say he was born in Scranton, but he left, he left. He abandoned you.
** Trump referred back to when [[Joe Biden]] was 10 years old and the family moved from Pennsylvania to Delaware because his father started in a new job, as quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-14 |title=Fact check: Trump continues dishonesty bombardment at Pennsylvania rally
 | author=Daniel Dale | periodical=CNN | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/10/14/politics/fact-check-trump-rally-johnstown-pennsylvania/index.html}}

* That was an opinion of somebody and that was a retweet.  I’ll put it out there. People can decide for themselves.
** Trump explained why he retweeted a claim that Osama bin Laden’s killing was staged and that members of Navy SEAL Team 6 had been killed to cover it up.  Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-16 |title=Column: Trump and Biden town halls showed us two worlds, and only one of them is terrifying | author=Rex Huppke | periodical=Chicago Tribune| url=https://www.chicagotribune.com/columns/rex-huppke/ct-trump-biden-town-hall-qanon-rogers-calm-election-polls-huppke-20201016-3oke7rhwhbdrfcshgbnpqmimbe-story.html}}

* Would you like a nice low-income housing project next to your suburban beautiful ranch style house? Generally speaking, no. I saved your suburbs -- &lt;b&gt;women -- suburban women, you're supposed to love Trump.&lt;/b&gt;
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2020-10-17 |title=Trump continues bizarre appeals to suburban women as he campaigns in Covid hotspots | author=Maeve Reston| periodical=CNN| url=https://edition.cnn.com/2020/10/18/politics/donald-trump-women-gretchen-whitmer/index.html}}

===2021===
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|&lt;div id=&quot;articlecount&quot; style=&quot;width:100%; text-align:center; font-size:105%;&quot;&gt; 20 January 2021 [[File:Seal of the President of the United States.svg|20px]] - End of presidency &lt;/div&gt;
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====February 2021====
* The [[Republican Party (United States)|Republican Party]] can never again be respected or strong with political “leaders” like Sen. [[Mitch McConnell]] at its helm. McConnell’s dedication to business as usual, status quo policies, together with his lack of political insight, wisdom, skill, and personality, has rapidly driven him from Majority Leader to Minority Leader, and it will only get worse. The Democrats and [[Chuck Schumer]] play McConnell like a fiddle—they’ve never had it so good—and they want to keep it that way! We know our America First agenda is a winner, not McConnell’s Beltway First agenda or Biden’s America Last.
* It was a complete election disaster in Georgia, and certain other swing states. McConnell did nothing, and will never do what needs to be done in order to secure a fair and just electoral system into the future. He doesn’t have what it takes, never did, and never will.
* Mitch is a dour, sullen, and unsmiling political hack, and if Republican Senators are going to stay with him, they will not win again. He will never do what needs to be done, or what is right for our Country.
** [https://www.politico.com/f/?id=00000177-ad2a-d713-a777-edee3b100000 Statement by Donald J. Trump, February 16, 2021]

====March 2021====
* Do you miss me yet? Do you miss me?
* Mr. McLaughlin just gave me numbers that nobody's ever heard of before, more popular than anybody. That's all of us. It's all of us.
* We won the election twice. I mean, you know, think about it ...
* But who knows? Who knows? I may even decide to beat them for a third time, OK? For a third time.
* This election was rigged. And the Supreme Court and other courts didn't want to do anything about it.
* And the only people that should be allowed to vote by mail are people that can be proven to be either very sick or out of the country or military where they can't do it. One day.
* And then a Republican president will make a triumphant return to the White House. And I wonder who that will be. I wonder who that will be. Who, who, who will that be, I wonder?
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2021-03-01 | author = Chris Cillizza |  title = The 50 most ridiculous lines from Donald Trump's CPAC speech | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2021/03/01/politics/donald-trump-cpac-speech/index.html |publisher=CNN}}

* Karl Rove has been losing for years, except for himself.
* He's a RINO of the highest order, who came to the Oval Office lobbying for 5G for him and a group.
* He's a pompous fool with bad advice and always has an agenda.
* If the Republican Party is going to be successful, they're going to have to stop dealing with the likes of Karl Rove and just let him float away, or retire, like Liddle' Bob Corker, Jeff 'Flakey' Flake, and others like Toomey of Pennsylvania, who will soon follow.
* 31 million people listened to my CPAC speech online, and it had among the largest television audience of the week, even though it was on cable at 4pm on Sunday afternoon.
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2021-03-05 | author = Chris Cillizza |  title = The 17 most outlandish lines from Donald Trump's attack on Karl Rove
 | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2021/03/05/politics/donald-trump-karl-rove-2020-election/index.html |publisher=CNN}}

* I will not be endorsing, under any circumstances, the failed candidate from the great State of Alaska, [[w:Lisa Murkowski|Lisa Murkowski]]. She represents her state badly and her country even worse. I do not know where other people will be next year, but I know where I will be — in Alaska campaigning against a disloyal and very bad Senator.
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2021-03-06 | author = Alex Isenstadt |  title = Trump vows to campaign against 'disloyal' Murkowski
 | url=https://www.politico.com/news/2021/03/06/trump-lisa-murkowski-2022-474028 |publisher=Politico}}

* No more money for RINOS.  They do nothing but hurt the Republican Party and our great voting base--they will never lead us to Greatness. Send your donation to Save America PAC at DonaldJTrump.com. 
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2021-03-10 | author = Michael Warren, Fredreka Schouten, Eric Bradner |  title = Trump's clash with GOP over using his name in fundraising ignites midterm worries | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2021/03/10/politics/trump-republican-fundraising-midterms/index.html |publisher=CNN}}

* I would recommend it, and I would recommend it to a lot of people that don't want to get it and a lot of those people voted for me, frankly. But again, we have our freedoms and we have to live by that and I agree with that also. But it is a great vaccine. It is a safe vaccine and it is something that works.
** On the COVID-19 vaccine. Quoted by {{citation|date=2021-3-16|author=Meredith McGraw|title=Trump encourages Americans to get the Covid vaccine|publisher=Politico|url=https://www.politico.com/news/2021/03/16/trump-americans-covid-vaccine-476479}}

* &lt;i&gt; About the {{w|2021 storming of the United States Capitol}}:&lt;/i&gt; It was zero threat, right from the start, it was zero threat. Look, they went in, they shouldn't have done it. Some of them went in, and they are hugging and kissing the police and the guards, you know, they had great relationships.  A lot of the people were waved in, and then they walked in and they walked out.
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2021-03-26 | author = Veronica Stracqualursi |  title = Trump lies about Capitol riot by claiming his supporters were 'hugging and kissing' cops | url=https://edition.cnn.com/2021/03/26/politics/donald-trump-january-6-rioters-arrests/index.html |publisher=CNN}}

* And China, the same thing, they never treated us that way, right? You saw what happened a few days ago, was terrible, and uh, the border is not good, the border is the worst anybody’s ever seen it, and what you see now, multiply it times 10, Jim — he’s the only one I know who would handle the border tougher than me.  We have to, and the tough is…in the most humanitarian way, because that’s what it is. What’s happening to the kids, they’re living in squalor, they are living like nobody has ever seen anybody, there’s never been anything like what’s, and you’re gonna have hundreds, and you have it now, they have the airplane photos, the shocks, and they call ’em shocks, and these things are showing thousands and thousands of people coming up from South America and it’s gonna be, it’s just uh, look, it’s a disaster. It’s a humanitarian disaster from their standpoint, and it’s gonna destroy the country, and frankly, the country can’t afford it because you’re talking about massive, just incredibly massive amounts. Our school systems, our hospital systems, everything.
** Wedding toast, quoted by {{citation |date=2021-03-29 | author = Bess Levin |  title = Of course Donald Trump crashed a wedding a gave a rambling, incoherent speech about Biden, Iran and China | url=https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2021/03/donald-trump-mar-a-lago-wedding-speech |publisher=Vanity Fair}}

* Based on their interviews, I felt it was time to speak up about [[Anthony Fauci|Dr. Fauci]] and Dr. Birx, two self-promoters trying to reinvent history to cover for their bad instincts and faulty recommendations, which I fortunately almost always overturned.  They had bad policy decisions that would have left our country open to China and others, closed to reopening our economy, and years away from an approved vaccine — putting millions of lives at risk
* Dr. Birx was a terrible medical advisor, which is why I seldom followed her advice.
* I only kept Dr. Fauci and Dr. Birx on because they worked for the U.S. government for so long — they are like a bad habit!
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2021-03-29 | author = Benjamin Din |  title = Trump lashes out at Fauci and Birx after CNN documentary
 | url=https://www.politico.com/news/2021/03/29/trump-fauci-birx-cnn-documentary-478422 |publisher=Politico}}
* Dr. Birx is a proven liar with very little credibility left.
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2021-03-29 | author = Brett Samuels |  title = Trump targets Fauci, Birx in lengthy diatribe
 | url=https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/545472-trump-targets-fauci-birx-in-lengthy-diatribe |publisher=The Hill}}

====April 2021====
* Happy Easter to ALL, including the Radical Left CRAZIES who rigged our Presidential Election, and want to destroy our Country!
** Quoted by {{citation |date=2021-04-05 | author = Martin Pengelly |  title = Who needs Twitter? Trump wishes happy Easter to 'radical left crazies'
 | url=https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2021/apr/04/trump-wishes-happy-easter-to-radical-left-crazies |publisher=The Guardian}}

* I'll give you a little breaking news, [[w:Pfizer|Pfizer]] is in with the FDA. What the FDA did with [[w:Johnson &amp; Johnson|Johnson and Johnson]] is so stupid
** [https://web.archive.org/web/20210627112356/https://www.pharmamanufacturing.com/industrynews/2021/trump-blasts-fda-for-j-and-j-vax-pause-says-pfizer-in-with-the-agency/ TV interview with Sean Hannity]

* Getting out of Afghanistan is a wonderful and positive thing to do. I planned to withdraw on May 1st, and we should keep as close to that schedule as possible.
** [https://www.businessinsider.com/trump-biden-afghanistan-pullout-wonderful-and-positive-thing-to-do-2021-4?r=US&amp;IR=T &quot;Trump says Biden's plan to withdraw US troops from Afghanistan is a 'wonderful and positive thing to do'&quot;], Business Insider, 19 April 2021

====May 2021====
*If a thief robs a jewelry store of all of its diamonds (the 2020 Presidential Election), the diamonds must be returned. 
**[https://www.donaldjtrump.com/news/statement-by-donald-j-trump-45th-president-of-the-united-states-of-america-05.10.21-4 10 May 2021]

*The entire Database of [[Maricopa County]] in Arizona has been DELETED! This is illegal and the Arizona State Senate, who is leading the Forensic Audit, is up in arms. Additionally, seals were broken on the boxes that hold the votes, ballots are missing, and worse. Mark Brnovich, the Attorney General of Arizona, will now be forced to look into this unbelievable Election crime. 
**[https://www.donaldjtrump.com/desk/desk-4yeh37peju/ 15 May 2021]

====June 2021====
*Congratulations to the country of [[Nigeria]], who just banned [[Twitter]] because they banned [[Muhammadu Buhari|their President]]. More COUNTRIES should ban Twitter and Facebook for not allowing free and open speech — all voices should be heard. [[Mark Zuckerberg|Zuckerberg]] kept calling me and coming to the White House for dinner telling me how great I was. 
** [https://www.businessinsider.com/trump-more-countries-should-ban-twitter-facebook-zuckerberg-2021-6]

*They may allow me back in two years. We got to stop that. We can’t let it happen. So unfair. They are shutting down an entire group of people. Not just me. They are shutting down the voice of a much more powerful and a much larger group.
** about Facebook banning him, in rally speech [https://deadline.com/2021/06/donald-trump-facebook-mark-zuckerberg-1234770087/]

====July 2021====
*The American people’s birthright of freedom must prevail against [[Big Tech]] and other forces that seek to destroy it.
**7 July 2021 [https://www.politico.com/news/2021/07/07/trump-big-tech-lawsuit-498536 Politico, Trump plans class action suit against Twitter, Facebook]
*Many say I am the greatest star-maker of all time. But some of the stars I produced are actually made of garbage. 
**[https://web.archive.org/web/20210715183933/https://www.donaldjtrump.com/news/statement-by-donald-j-trump-45th-president-of-the-united-states-of-america-07.15.21-06 15 July 2021 on DonaldJTrump.com]

====August 2021====
*There is massive and unconditional evidence that the election was shattered with fraud and irregularities at a level that our Country has never seen before. Much of it is already public, and a great deal more is coming out in the very near future. Every time you read a statement that there is “no evidence of election fraud,” about the 2020 election scam, just attribute that statement to a crooked and collusive media (they work closely together with the Radical Left Democrats) that will do anything to hide the real facts of this election fiasco.  
**[https://www.donaldjtrump.com/news/news-qvb8wmvsyn0 1 August 2021]

*If I were President right now, with COVID raging back, people being shot and killed in record numbers all over our cities, and the Border totally open with criminals and heavily infected COVID people pouring through our Southern Border and into our communities, the Fake News Media would be having an absolute field day. 
**[https://www.donaldjtrump.com/news/news-kyatp4nd8q0 2 August 2021]

* If our soccer team, headed by a radical group of Leftist Maniacs, wasn’t woke, they would have won the Gold Medal instead of the Bronze.
* Woke means you lose, everything that is woke goes bad, and our soccer team certainly has.
* They should replace the wokesters with Patriots and start winning again. The woman with the purple hair played terribly and spends too much time thinking about Radical Left politics and not doing her job!
** Said about the US women's national soccer team after winning a bronze medal in the Olympic Games in Tokyo, as quoted in [https://amp.theguardian.com/football/2021/aug/05/donald-trump-uswnt-usa-soccer-olympics-bronze-megan-rapinoe-tokyo-2020 &quot;‘Woke means you lose’: Donald Trump rails at USWNT after Olympic bronze&quot;], The Guardian, 5 August 2021

* I have quietly said for years that Mitch McConnell is the most overrated man in politics— now I don't have to be quiet anymore.
** Quoted in [https://www.newsweek.com/trump-calls-mitch-mcconnell-most-overrated-man-politics-ahead-infrastructure-vote-1617944 &quot;Trump Calls Mitch McConnell 'Most Overrated Man in Politics' Ahead of Infrastructure Vote&quot;], Newsweek, 10 August 2021

* I recommend: take the vaccines. I did it. It’s good. Take the vaccines.
** [https://www.cnbc.com/2021/08/22/trump-booed-at-alabama-rally-after-telling-supporters-to-get-vaccinated.html &quot;Trump booed at Alabama rally after telling supporters to get vaccinated&quot;], CNBC, 22 August 2021

====September 2021====
* If they let you do your job you wouldn’t have crime in New York!
* I’ve been given so much support by the people who do what you do.
* We love the blue. I’ll say it loud. You know, you’re not supposed to say that. We love the blue.
**[https://nypost.com/2021/09/11/trump-makes-surprise-visit-to-new-york-police-and-firefighters/ Trump makes surprise visit to New York police and firefighters on 9/11]

* We’re not going to have a country left in three years, I’ll tell you that.
** [https://www.yahoo.com/news/donald-trump-predicts-america-end-002940784.html &quot;Donald Trump Predicts America Will End Within 3 Years&quot;], quoted by David Moye, Yahoo News, 15 September 2021

* [[w:Anthony Gonzalez (politician)|1]] down, 9 to go!
** &quot;[https://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2021/sep/17/trump-celebrates-gonzalezs-exit-1-down-9-go/ Trump celebrates Gonzalez’s exit: ‘1 down, 9 to go!’]&quot; (September 17, 2021)

* Everybody will be watching [[Arizona]] tomorrow to see what the highly respected auditors and Arizona State Senate found out regarding the so-called Election!
** &quot;[https://www.politico.com/news/2021/09/24/arizona-review-draft-report-tally-biden-won-514088 GOP-led Arizona election review closely matches Biden's winning margin]&quot; (September 23, 2021)

====October 2021====
* Nobody has done more for [[Christianity]] or for [[evangelicals]] — or for [[religion]] itself — than I have.
** Quoted in [https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-claims-nobody-has-done-more-religion-itself-him-1635036 &quot;Donald Trump Claims Nobody Has Done More 'for Religion Itself' Than Him&quot;], Newsweek, 2 October 2021

* the real insurrection happened on November 3rd, the Presidential Election, not on [[January 6th]]—which was a day of protesting the Fake Election results
** [https://www.npr.org/2021/10/06/1043746455/trump-continues-to-lie-says-real-insurrection-happened-when-he-lost-election Trump continues to lie, says 'real insurrection' happened when he lost election]&quot; (October 6, 2021)
* [[Republican]] [[Senators]], do not [[vote]] for this terrible deal ([[debt]] limit) being pushed by folding [[Mitch McConnell]]. Stand strong for our Country. 
* The [[American]] people are with you!
** In an emailed statement &quot;[https://thehill.com/homenews/senate/575876-trump-urged-gop-senators-to-vote-against-mcconnell-debt-deal Trump urges GOP senators to vote against McConnell debt deal]&quot; (October 7,2021)

*  If we don't solve the Presidential Election Fraud of 2020 (which we have thoroughly and conclusively documented), Republicans will not be voting in '22 or '24. It is the single most important thing for Republicans to do.
** According to an MSNBC article and a short video &quot;[https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/democrats-finally-have-reason-celebrate-one-trump-s-threats-n1281494 Democrats finally have reason to celebrate one of Trump's threats]&quot; (October 13, 2021)

* It’s so sad when you see that they are approving these windmills — worst form of energy, the most expensive.  You talk about carbon emissions, well they are making them. More goes into the air than if you ran something for 30 years.
* I’m not into golden showers.
** [https://news.yahoo.com/trump-touts-putin-relationship-rails-233840649.html &quot;Trump Touts Putin Relationship, Rails About Wind Energy's 'Carbon Emissions' In Speech&quot;], Yahoo News (October 16 2021)

*I wanted to have people be ready because we were put on alert that they were going to do fruit. And some fruit is a lot worse than — tomatoes are bad by the way. 
**[https://www.documentcloud.org/documents/21748396-trumpdepositionexcerptsefraingalicia42622/ Deposition], October 18, 2021

* After years of litigation, I was pleased to have had the opportunity to tell my side of this ridiculous story — Just one more example of baseless harassment of your favorite president
** &quot;[https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-faces-pile-civil-lawsuits-depositions-begin-n1281612 Trump faces a pile of civil lawsuits as depositions begin]&quot; (October 18, 2021)

* Wonderful to see [[Colin Powell]], who made big mistakes on Iraq and famously, so-called weapons of mass destruction, be treated in death so beautifully by the Fake News Media. Hope that happens to me someday. He was a classic RINO, if even that, always being the first to attack other Republicans. He made plenty of mistakes, but anyway, may he rest in peace!
** {{cite news|author=Chris Cillizza |url=https://www.cnn.com/2021/10/19/politics/donald-trump-colin-powell-death/index.html |title=Donald Trump (yet again) proves there's no bottom |work=cnn.com|date=October 19, 2021 |accessdate=October 19, 2021}}

*We live in a world where the Taliban has a huge presence on Twitter, yet your favorite American president has been silenced
**&quot;[https://www.cnbc.com/2021/10/20/trump-announces-social-media-platform-launch-plan-spac-deal.html Trump announces social media platform launch plan, SPAC deal]&quot; (October 20, 2021)

*[[Israel]] doesn’t even control [[Congress]] anymore.
**29 October 2021 per https://thepostmillennial.com/exclusive-president-donald-j-trump-speaks-to-the-post-millennial

====November 2021====
*RINOs who supported infrastructure bill should be ashamed of themselves
**on Sky News Australia [[Youtube]] channel '''[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qZG-D0e8T0A video]''' (November 7, 2021)

====December 2021==== 
*He was very early. Like earlier than most. I haven’t spoken to him since. Fuck him,
**10 December 2021 interview with Barak Ravid about [[Benjamin Netanyahu]] per [https://www.timesofisrael.com/fck-him-in-interview-trump-rages-at-netanyahu-over-congratulations-to-biden/ Times of Israel]
* I thought the [[Palestinians]] were impossible, and the [[Israelis]] would do anything to make peace and a deal. I found that not to be true.
** [[Donald Trump]], [https://www.timesofisrael.com/trump-i-thought-israelis-would-do-anything-for-peace-but-found-that-not-to-be-true/ Trump: I thought Israelis would do anything for peace, but found that not to be true], ''Times of Israel'' (11 December 2021)
*Bibi did not want to make a deal. Even most recently, when we came up with the maps. Now I don’t know if he didn’t want to make it for political reasons, or for other reasons. I wish he would have said he didn’t want to make a deal, instead of…. Because a lot of people devoted a lot of work. But I don’t think Bibi would have ever made a deal. That’s my opinion. I think the general [Gantz] wanted to make a deal.
**11 December 2021 quoted by [https://www.timesofisrael.com/trump-i-thought-israelis-would-do-anything-for-peace-but-found-that-not-to-be-true/ Times of Israel]

*There’s people in this country that are Jewish that no longer love Israel.&lt;br&gt;I’ll tell you the Evangelical Christians love Israel more than the Jews in this country.&lt;br&gt;It used to be that Israel had absolute power over Congress and today I think it’s the exact opposite, and I think Obama and Biden did that.&lt;br&gt;And yet in the election, they still get a lot of votes from Jewish people…which tells you that the Jewish people, and I’ve said this for a long time.&lt;br&gt;The Jewish people in the United States either don’t like Israel or don’t care about Israel.&lt;br&gt;I mean, you look at The New York Times, The New York Times hates Israel, hates them, and they’re Jewish people that run The New York Times, I mean the Sulzberger family.
**17 December 2021 per [https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2021/12/donald-trump-anti-semitism-jews-israel Vanity Fair]

*I think the origins are so obvious. They came out of the Wuhan lab. And I think if anybody thinks anything differently, they’re just kidding themselves. So, you can ask — China has to pay. They have to do something. '''They have to pay reparations'''. And China doesn’t have the money to pay those reparations. I believe that worldwide — I’m not just talking United States — worldwide, '''$60 trillion of damage''', $60 trillion. China doesn’t have $60 trillion. But they have to do something to make up for what they’ve done. What they’ve done to the world is so horrible. It’s been horrible, all over the world. And it doesn’t stop.
**[https://www.breitbart.com/clips/2021/12/19/trump-china-must-pay-for-covid-origins-they-have-to-pay-reparations/ 19 December 2021]

* &lt;i&gt; About developing vaccines against Covid-19: &lt;/i&gt;  Look, we did something that was historic, we saved tens of millions of lives worldwide. We, together, all of us, not me.
** [https://edition.cnn.com/2021/12/20/politics/donald-trump-booster-shot-boos/index.html &quot;Trump met with boos after revealing he received Covid-19 booster&quot;], CNN, 21 December 2021

* I came up with a vaccine, with three vaccines.
** [https://thehill.com/policy/healthcare/public-global-health/587079-trump-pushes-back-on-candace-owens-people-arent-dying &quot;Trump pushes back on Candace Owens: 'People aren't dying when they take the vaccine'&quot;], The Hill, 23 December 2021

===2022===
====January 2022====
* If you take [[COVID-19 vaccine|the vaccine]], you're protected. Look, the results of the vaccine are very good, and if you do get it, it's a very minor form. People aren't dying when they take the vaccine.
** 6 January 2022, interviewed by [[Candace Owens]], discussing the [[COVID-19 vaccine]]; reported in Bruce Y. Lee, &quot;[https://www.forbes.com/sites/brucelee/2021/12/24/trump-tells-candace-owens-that-covid-19-vaccines-work-one-of-the-greatest-achievements-of-mankind/ Trump Tells Candace Owens That Covid-19 Vaccines Work: 'One Of The Greatest Achievements Of Mankind']&quot;, [[Forbes]] (Jan 6, 2022)

*I ran twice and we won twice.&lt;br&gt;This crowd is a massive symbol of what took place, because people are hungry for the truth. They want their country back.
**15 January 2022 [https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2022/01/trump-arizona-rally-2024-election/621244/ via Elaine Godfrey of The Atlantic]

*If I run and if I win, we will treat those people from January sixth fairly. We will treat them fairly.&lt;br&gt;And if it requires pardons, we will give them pardons. Because they are being treated so unfairly.
**30 January 2022 [https://www.thegatewaypundit.com/2022/01/hope-go-jail-get-book-thrown-deserve-lindsey-graham-susan-collins-buck-trump-vow-persecute-jan-6ers/ reported by TGP]

*Actually, what they are saying, is that [[Mike Pence]] did have the right to change the outcome, and they now want to take that right away. Unfortunately, he didn’t exercise that power. '''He could have overturned the election!'''
**31 January 2022, at a rally in Conroe Texas, as quoted in “[https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2022/jan/31/donald-trump-mike-pence-overturn-election Quiet part loud: Trump says Pence ‘could have overturned the election’]”, by Martin Pengelly, for ''{{w|The Guardian}}''.

====February 2022====
*I was right and everyone knows it. If there is fraud or large scale irregularities, it would have been appropriate to send those votes back to the legislatures to figure it out.
**4 February 2022 per 7 February 2022 report by Reuters [https://www.reuters.com/world/us/pence-says-trump-was-wrong-that-he-could-have-overturned-2020-election-result-2022-02-04/ Pence says Trump was wrong that he could have overturned 2020 election] by Alexandra Ulmer

* I went in yesterday and there was a television screen, and I said, 'This is genius.' [[Vladimir Putin|Putin]] declares a big portion of the Ukraine, of [[Ukraine]], Putin declares it as independent. Oh, that's wonderful.  So Putin is now saying, 'It's independent,' a large section of Ukraine. I said, 'How smart is that?' And he's going to go in and be a peacekeeper. That's the strongest peace force.  We could use that on our southern border. That's the strongest peace force I've ever seen. ... Here's a guy who's very savvy. ... I know him very well. Very, very well.
** Said about the Russian invasion of Ukraine, in an interview at The Clay Travis &amp; Buck Sexton Show, as quoted in [https://edition.cnn.com/2022/02/23/politics/donald-trump-vladimir-putin-joe-biden/index.html &quot;Trump sides with Putin as Biden tries to stop a war&quot;], CNN, 23 February 2022.

* They say, 'Trump said Putin's smart.' I mean, he's taking over a country for two dollars' worth of [[Sanction|sanctions]]. I'd say that's pretty smart. He's taking over a country — really a vast, vast location, a great piece of land with a lot of people, and just walking right in.
** [https://edition.cnn.com/2022/02/24/politics/donald-trump-praises-putin/index.html &quot;Why Donald Trump can't stop praising Vladimir Putin&quot;], CNN, 24 February 2022

====March 2022====
*They laid down the welcome mat and gave Russia the opening, now Putin may be getting everything he wanted, with Ukraine and the rest of the World suffering the consequences. It’s terrible, but this is what you get with Biden, the Democrats, and RINO warmongers! [https://www.donaldjtrump.com/news/news-cxhdzqwssb1663 03/01/22 ]
* The vote counter is often more important than the candidate.
** [https://news.yahoo.com/trump-says-gop-needs-tougher-211714688.html &quot;Trump says the GOP needs to get 'tougher' at the ballot box: 'The vote counter is often more important than the candidate'&quot;], yahoo news, 6 March 2022
*Whatever happened to free speech in our Country? Incredibly, but not surprisingly, the Big Tech lunatics have taken down my interview with the very popular NELK Boys so that nobody can watch it or in any way listen to it....In Russia, the people are not allowed to know that they’re fighting a war with Ukraine, that’s where our media is going, and that’s where our Country is going because it quickly follows—just study history.We need freedom of speech again, we don’t have it and it’s getting worse every day!
**[https://www.donaldjtrump.com/news/news-tayryvrzzk1694 Statement by Donald J. Trump, 45th President of the United States of America 03/11/22]
*She owes me nearly $300,000, Now all I have to do is wait for all of the money she owes me.
**[https://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2022/mar/21/donald-trump-crows-liberal-9th-circuit-court-seals/ Trump crows as liberal 9th Circuit seals victory over Stormy Daniels, Michael Avenatti]
*I listen to him constantly using the n-word, that’s the n-word, and he’s constantly using it, the nuclear word. They didn’t attack any other countries under us. I’m the only one where that didn’t happen. And with Bush, they took Georgia, and they took Crimea with Biden and Obama. And now he said ‘to hell with it. Let’s take the whole thing'.
**[https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-putin-nuclear-n-word-b2040702.html Trump says Putin keeps using the ‘n-word’ meaning ‘nuclear’ as he claims Russian leader is ‘different’ man to one he dealt with]
*Single most dangerous time for our country in history... yet you have people like John Kerry worrying about the climate! The climate! Oh, I heard that the other day. Here we are, [Russian President Vladimir Putin is] threatening us [and] he’s worried about the ocean will rise one-hundredth of one percent over the next 300 fucking’ years.
**[https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2022/03/28/two-stark-reminders-about-political-challenge-tackling-climate-change/ Two stark reminders about the political challenge of tackling climate change]
*The Left has become so extreme that we now have a justice being nominated to the Supreme Court who testified under oath that she could not say what a woman is, And a party that's unwilling to admit that men and women are biologically different in defiance of all scientific and human history, is a party that should not be anywhere near the levers of power in the United States of America.
**[https://www.washingtonexaminer.com/watch-single-most-dangerous-time-trump-blasts-climate-change-crt-and-kbj ‘Single most dangerous time’: Trump blasts climate change, CRT, and KBJ]
====April 2022====
*Happy Easter to all including the Radical Left Maniacs who are trying everything to destroy our country May they not succeed, but let them, nevertheless, be happy, healthy, wealthy and well!
**[https://news.yahoo.com/biden-trump-release-very-different-202600019.html Yahoo!]
*He went out of his way to deceptively edit an interview and got caught. That is a big story, isn’t it?
**[https://www.donaldjtrump.com/news/news-hm9chvnk6z0 Donald Trump], [https://www.mediaite.com/tv/listen-trump-releases-audio-to-ending-of-doctored-interview-with-fool-piers-morgan/ mediaite]

* I think I’m the most honest human being perhaps that god ever created.
** Claimed at an an event in Selma, North Carolina, on April 10, 2022, referred to in [https://www.thelist.com/829709/donald-trump-just-described-himself-in-a-very-unexpected-way/ &quot;Donald Trump Just Described Himself In A Very Unexpected Way&quot;], ''The List'' (April 12, 2022)

* But when I didn’t win the election ..
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0DrQC-oNAeQ Marjorie Taylor Greene &amp; Matt Gaetz NOT HAPPY with Jimmy &amp; Trump FINALLY Admits Defeat] (Apr 11, 2022) (video)

* Which would you rather be, a dumb person or a dictator?  Perhaps a dictator would be better.  I don't want to be a dumb person.
** [https://www.businessinsider.com/trump-rather-be-a-dictator-than-a-dumb-person-video-2022-4?r=US&amp;IR=T Trump says he'd rather be 'a dictator' than 'a dumb person' after bragging about the cognitive test he took in 2018], Business Insider, 22 April 2022
April 2022

====May 2022====
*With rampant and record setting crime, a 42.8% increase over last year was just announced, and every other unimaginable problem, no wonder everyone is leaving the New York State, including businesses left and right. 
**[https://www.donaldjtrump.com/news/news-sarvcupgsh1991 Save America] 

* I am not currently in possession of any Trump Organization-issued phones, computers or similar devices.
:I believe the last phone or device I was issued by the Trump Organization was a cellphone in 2015. I no longer have the cellphone in my possession and I am not aware of its current location.
:Since January 1, 2010, I previously owned two flip phones and a [[w:Samsung|Samsung]] mobile phone. I do not have the two flips [sic] phones in my possession and I do not know their current whereabouts.”
:[Samsung] it was taken from me at some point while I was president. I do not have the Samsung in my possession and I do not know its current whereabouts.
:* '''[https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2022/may/11/trump-fine-contempt-new-york-letitia-james Trump must pay $110,000 fine to purge contempt, judge says]''' (Wed 11 May 2022 18.53 BST)

*[[w:Kathy Barnette | Kathy Barnette]] will never be able to win the general election against the radical left democrats. She has many things in her past which have not been properly explained or vetted, but if she is able to do so, she will have a wonderful future in the Republican Party — and I will be behind her all the way
** [[Trump]]  according to [https://www.smerconish.com/exclusive-content/pennsylvania-my-primary-concern Pennsylvania: My Primary Concern] (May 14)

=====NRA convention speech (May 27, 2022)=====
* The existence of evil in our world is not a reason to disarm law-abiding citizens. The existence of evil is one of the very best reasons to arm law-abiding citizens.
* Every time a disturbed or demented person commits a hideous crime there is always a grotesque effort by some in our society to advance their own extreme political agenda.
** Speech at the NRA convention, Houston (May 27, 2022), as cited in [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2022/may/28/school-shooting-strengthens-case-for-guns-donald-trump-tells-nra &quot;School shooting strengthens case for guns, Donald Trump tells NRA&quot;] ''The Guardian'' (May 28, 2022)

* We need a top-to-bottom security overhaul of schools [...] Every building should have a single entry point. No one should ever be able to get near a classroom until they have been checked, scanned and screened ... Above all, from this day forward, every school in America should have an armed police officer or an armed resources officer on duty at all times. [...] Clearly, we need to make it far easier to confine the violent and mentally deranged into mental institutions.
** Speech at the NRA convention, Houston (May 27, 2022), as cited in [https://www.smh.com.au/world/north-america/after-horror-failure-of-uvalde-massacre-business-as-usual-at-nra-meeting-in-houston-20220528-p5ap7y.html &quot;After horror, failure of Uvalde massacre, business as usual at NRA meeting in Houston&quot;] ''The Sydney Morning Herald'' (May 28, 2022)

==== July 2022 ====
* Warmongering and despicable human being [[Liz Cheney]], who is hated by the great people of Wyoming (down 35!), keeps saying, over and over again, that HER Fake Unselect Committee may recommend CRIMINAL CHARGES against a President of the United States who got more votes than any sitting President in history,
** Said about Republican Congress Member Liz Cheney after she mentioned the possibility of raising criminal charges against Trump for his role in connection with the January 6 attack on the Congress of the United States, quoted in [https://nypost.com/2022/07/04/trump-rips-liz-cheney-after-she-suggests-jan-6-charges/ &quot;Trump rips ‘despicable’ Liz Cheney after she suggests Jan. 6 charges for ex-president&quot;], New York Post, 4 July 2022

* Leon’s, I’ll tell you what, Elon, Elon, is not going to buy Twitter. … He’s got himself a mess. He said the other day, ‘Oh, I’ve never voted for a Republican.’ I said, ‘I didn’t know that. He told me he voted for me.’ So, he’s another bullshit artist. But he’s not going to be buying it.
** Claimed about Elon Musk, who later [[w:Acquisition of Twitter by Elon Musk | bought Twitter]].  Quoted in [https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-news/trump-alaska-rally-elon-musk-1380402/ &quot;Trump Bashes Elon Musk as ‘Bullshit Artist’ at Alaska Rally&quot;], ''Rolling Stone'' (July 9, 2022)
 
* I feel very confident that, if I decide to run, I’ll win.
* In my own mind, I’ve already made that decision, so nothing factors in anymore. In my own mind, I’ve already made that decision.
* I made America great again, and I may have to do it again.
** [https://nymag.com/intelligencer/article/donald-trump-2024-decision.html &quot;Donald Trump on 2024: ‘I’ve Already Made That Decision’ The only question left in the former president’s mind is when he’ll announce&quot;], Intelligencer, 14 July 2022

==== September 2022 ====
* J.D. is kissing my ass he wants my support so bad.
** Said about [[J.D. Vance]], Republican Senate candidate for Ohio, quoted in [https://edition.cnn.com/2022/09/19/politics/donald-trump-jd-vance-ohio-rally/index.html &quot;Donald Trump humiliated J.D. Vance for fun&quot;], CNN, 20 September 2022

* If you're the president of the United States, you can declassify just by saying it's declassified, even by thinking about it, because you're sending it to Mar-a-Lago or to wherever you're sending it. And there doesn't have to be a process. There can be a process, but it doesn't have to be.
** [https://www.baynews9.com/fl/tampa/politics/2022/09/22/trump--presidents-can-declassify-files-by--thinking-about-it- &quot;Trump: Presidents can declassify files by 'thinking about it'&quot;], Bay News 9, 22 September 2022

==== October 2022 ====
* They actually taunted him, if you really look at it. Our country, and our so-called leadership, taunted Putin. I said, you know, they're almost forcing him to go in with what they're saying. The rhetoric was so dumb.
** [https://www.newsweek.com/trump-blames-us-almost-forcing-putin-invade-ukraine-1750145/ Trump Blames U.S. for 'Almost Forcing' Putin to Invade Ukraine], Newsweek, 8 October 2022

==== November 2022 ====
* We're winning big, big, big in the [[Republican Party]] for the nomination like nobody's ever seen before
:There it is, Trump at 71 [percent]. [[Ron DeSanctimonious]] at 10 percent. [[Mike Pence]] at 7 — oh, Mike Pence doing better than I thought​.
:* [https://nypost.com/2022/11/06/trump-mocks-desantis-as-ron-desanctimonious/ Pompeo jumps to defend DeSantis after Trump's 'Ron DeSanctimonious' comments] (By Mark Moore November 6, 2022 1:41pm  Updated)

*The Absentee Ballot situation in Detroit is REALLY BAD.&lt;br&gt;People are showing up to Vote only to be told 'sorry, you have already voted.'&lt;br&gt;This is happening in large numbers, elsewhere as well.&lt;br&gt;Protest, Protest, Protest!
**8 November 2022 [https://truthsocial.com/embed/109309832870332871 post on TruthSocia] later [https://twitter.com/JocelynBenson/status/1590079320302968832 quoted via screenshot in tweet] by [[Jocelyn Benson]] which was [https://www.yahoo.com/now/trump-amplifies-nonsense-claims-voter-212425641.html quoted by Yahoo News]

* Well, I think if they win, I should get all the credit. And if they lose, I should not be blamed at all, OK, but it’ll probably be just the opposite.
:* [https://www.nytimes.com/2022/11/09/us/politics/trump-endorsements-midterms-gop.html Trump Hoped for a Celebration but Did Not Have Much to Cheer] (By By Michael C. Bender and Maggie Haberman November 9, 2022, 2:33 a.m. ET)

* [[Ron DeSantis|Ron DeSanctimonious]] is playing games! The Fake News asks him if he's going to run if President Trump runs, and he says, 'I'm only focused on the Governor's race, I'm not looking into the future.' Well, in terms of loyalty and class, that's really not the right answer.
** Adam Carlson, Jay O'Brien, and Katherine Faulders, [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/trump-takes-aim-ron-desantis-suggesting-2024-rival/story?id=93084111 Trump takes aim at Ron DeSantis, suggesting he's a 2024 rival], ''ABC News'' (November 10, 2022).

*He shows up with 3 people, two of which I didn’t know, the other a political person who I haven’t seen in years,” the former president wrote on Truth Social. “Fake News went CRAZY!”
**29 November 2022 on Truth Social (per [https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-news/donald-trump-kanye-west-nick-fuentes-mar-a-lago-dinner-1234638552/ this article] by Charisma Madarang of Rolling Stone) after [[Kanye West]] showed up for dinner with Boeing employee Jamal and [[Nick Fuentes]] (the two unknowns) and [[Karen Giorno]] (an aide from Trump's 2016 campaign) in a meeting arranged by [[Milo Yiannopoulos]] (who did not attend) via Karen

====December 2022====
* People have been treated unconstitutionally in my opinion and very, very unfairly, and we’re going to get to the bottom of it.
** Comments made concerning rioters involved in the [[2021 United States Capitol attack]] during a fund raising speech cited in [https://edition.cnn.com/2022/12/02/politics/donald-trump-january-6-rioters-support/index.html &quot;Trump expresses support for Capitol rioters as he continues to embrace extremist groups&quot;] ''CNN Politics'' (December 2, 2022)

* Do you throw the Presidential Election Results of 2020 OUT and declare the RIGHTFUL WINNER, or do you have a NEW ELECTION? A Massive Fraud of this type and magnitude allows for the termination of all rules, regulations, and articles, even those found in the Constitution.
** cited in [https://edition.cnn.com/2022/12/03/politics/trump-constitution-truth-social/index.html &quot;Trump calls for the termination of the Constitution in Truth Social post&quot;] ''CNN Politics'' (December 4, 2022)

===2023===
====January 2023====
*So an out-of-control wild man kills beautiful Ashli Babbitt, a true Patriot, who was the only one killed on January 6th.&lt;br&gt;Her mother goes to protest her death and memory, and they arrest her mother.&lt;br&gt;Something has to be done about these [[Communism|Communists]] and [[Marxism|Marxists]] that are taking over and destroying our Country.&lt;br&gt;Pray for Ashli, and her wonderful, brave mother!
**8 January 2023 [https://gab.com/realdonaldtrump/posts/109655572118634418 gab]

*The [[left-wing]] [[gender]] [[insanity]] being pushed on our children is an act of child abuse—very simple.
**31 January 2023 [https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-news/trump-attacks-transgender-rights-video-1234671967/  per Rolling Stone]

====February 2023====
* Rihanna gave, without question, the single worst Halftime Show in Super Bowl history—This after insulting far more than half of our Nation, which is already in serious DECLINE, with her foul and insulting language. Also, so much for her ‘Stylist!’
** [https://www.vanityfair.com/style/2023/02/donald-trump-rihanna-super-bowl-halftime-performance-epic-fail-truth-social &quot;Donald Trump Calls Rihanna's Super Bowl Halftime Performance an 'Epic Fail'&quot;], Vanity Fair, 13 February 2023

====March 2023====
=====CPAC keynote speech (March 4, 2023)=====
&lt;small&gt;CPAC keynote address in National Harbor, Maryland, on March 4, 2023, reported in {{cite web|url=https://www.newsweek.com/five-key-moments-donald-trump-cpac-speech-1785586 |title=Five Key Moments from Donald Trump's Crucial CPAC Speech|first1=Khaleda|last1=Rahman|publisher=Newsweek|date=March 5, 2023}}&lt;/small&gt;

* I'm the only candidate who can make this promise: I will prevent, and very easily, World War III.

* We are never going back to a party that wants to give unlimited money to fight foreign endless wars but demands we cut veteran benefits and retirement benefits at home.

* We’re not going back to people that want to destroy our great Social Security system – even some in our own party; I wonder who that might be – who want to raise the minimum age of Social Security to 70, 75 or even 80 in some cases, and who are out to cut Medicare to a level that will be unrecognizable

* In 2016, I declared: I am your voice. Today, I add: I am your warrior. I am your justice. And for those who have been wronged and betrayed: I am your retribution.

* I will totally obliterate the deep state. I will fire the unelected bureaucrats and shadow forces who have weaponized our justice system like it has never been weaponized before. And I will put the people back in charge of this country again.

*This is the final battle – they know it, I know it, you know it, everybody knows it. Either they win, or we win. And I promise you this: If you put me back in the White House, their reign will be over, and America will be a free nation once again.

*'''Before I even arrive''' at the Oval Office, I will have the disastrous war between Russia and Ukraine settled.&lt;br&gt;I will get the problem solved.&lt;br&gt;And I will get it solved in rapid order and ''''it will take me no longer than one day''', I know exactly what to say to each of them, I got along very well with Putin.
**the [https://www.cnn.com/2023/03/04/politics/trump-cpac-speech/index.html March 4th] speech was referenced when this was quoted [https://www.cnn.com/2023/03/07/politics/trump-desantis-ukraine-2024-campaign/index.html March 7th] by Stephen Collinson in a CNN analysis
***Trump later reuses the phrase &quot;before I even arrive at the Oval Office&quot; in [[#June 2024]] in Philadelphia

====April 2023====
*Republicans in Congress should defund the DOJ and FBI until they come to their senses. The Democrats have totally weaponized law enforcement in our country and are viciously using this abuse of power to interfere with our already under siege elections!
**[https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/congress/donald-trump-calls-defunding-federal-police-arrest-new-york-rcna78301 Donald Trump calls for defunding federal police after his arrest in New York] ''Truth Social'' (April 5, 2023)

=====NRA convention speech (April 14, 2023)=====
* Our country has been chock full of guns for centuries, and there was no talk of [[w:School shooting|massacres of schoolchildren]] until around the year 2000. That's what it really started. They started talking about it. '''This is not a gun problem.''' This is a mental health problem. This is a social problem. This is a cultural problem. This is a spiritual problem.
* I will ask Congress to repeal totally ineffective legislation that makes it harder to protect our schools and easier for criminals to face absolutely no opposition when they go in. I will also create a new tax credit to reimburse any teacher for the full costs of a concealed carry firearm and training from highly qualified experts. Who's better? Who's better? '''If even 5% of teachers, people that are skilled with arms, we want that. 5% were voluntarily armed and trained to stop active shooters. We would achieve effective deterrence and the problem would cease to exist.'''
** From a [[National Rifle Association|NRA]] convention speech in Indianapolis (April 14, 2023), cited in [https://newsroom.ap.org/editorial-photos-videos/detail?itemid=97388003ab4443938dba616244ea0117 &quot;Trump calls for arming teachers at NRA convention&quot;] ''AP Newsroom'' (April 15, 2023)

* [T]he only way to stop these wicked actions is to '''ensure that any sicko who would shoot up a school knows that within seconds, not minutes, they will face certain death.'''
** Speech at the NRA convention, Indianapolis (April 14, 2023), cited in [https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2023/04/14/trump-pence-nra-2024/ &quot;Trump, in legal peril, draws cheers at NRA convention; Pence draws boos&quot;] ''The Washington Post'' (April 14, 2023)

====May 2023====
*They’re dying, Russians and Ukrainians. '''I want them to stop dying.''' And I’ll have that done — '''I’ll have that done in 24 hours'''
**May 2023 at a CNN Town Hall, quoted in [https://apnews.com/article/trump-russia-ukraine-war-un-election-a78ecb843af452b8dda1d52d137ca893 2 July 2024 article by Edith M. Lederer for AP News]

==== June 2023 ====
[[File:&quot;TOP SECRET SCI&quot; (Top Secret Sensitive Compartmented Information) cover sheets - from, Classified intelligence material found during search of Mar-a-Lago (cropped).jpg|thumb|I AM AN [[Innocence|INNOCENT]] MAN!]]

* I have been [[Federal prosecution of Donald Trump|summoned to appear at the Federal Courthouse]] in [[Miami]] on Tuesday, at 3 PM. I never thought it [[possible]] that such a thing could happen to a former [[President of the United States]], who received far more [[votes]] than any sitting President in the History of our Country, and is currently leading, by far, all Candidates, both [[Democrat]] and [[Republican]], in Polls of the [[2024 United States presidential election|2024 Presidential Election]]. I AM AN [[Innocence|INNOCENT]] MAN!
** Web posting, reported in [https://www.local10.com/news/local/2023/06/08/trump-told-to-appear-in-miami-after-indictment-by-federal-grand-jury-abc-reporting/ &quot;Trump told to appear in Miami after indictment by federal grand jury, ABC reporting&quot; in ''WPLG Local 10'' (8 June 2023)]

*'''This is the final battle'''. With you at my side, we will demolish the deep state. expel the warmongers from our government. We will drive out the globalists. We will cast out the Communists, Marxists, and Fascists, and we will throw off the sick political class that hates our country. We will rout the fake news media, and we will defeat crooked Joe Biden. We will liberate America from these villains once and for all. 
**[https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2023/06/trump-lists-all-the-villains-he-plans-to-destroy-in-a-second-term Trump told the audience at the Oakland County Republican Party’s Lincoln Day Dinner]

*For three years, Biden and his radical left allies have waged war on American auto workers in his ridiculous crusade to force everyone into electric cars, ridiculous regulations kill more than half of US auto jobs and decimate the suppliers that they decimated already, decimate the suppliers and it’s going to decimate your jobs.
**[https://www.telegraph.co.uk/world-news/2023/06/26/donald-trump-accuses-joe-biden-environmental-extremism/ Telegraph] , [https://www.candgnews.com/news/trump-headlines-oakland-county-republican-party-lincoln-day-dinner-2796 Trump headlines Oakland County Republican Party Lincoln Day Dinner]

====July 2023====
*“Is it Crooked Joe and his wonderful son, Hunter? Release the findings, release the tapes. We can’t have a crackhead in charge of our Nuclear Arsenal!!
**[https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-hunter-biden-cocaine-justice-department-b2373556.html]
*… He’s totally compromised...I don’t like doing the same word for two people. We’re using the word crooked for Joe Biden because Joe Biden is the most crooked president in the history.
**[https://www.republicworld.com/world-news/us-news/trump-says-he-was-very-kind-to-biden-then-tells-us-president-gloves-are-off-articleshow.html republicworld]
*We have potential for a war outside of Ukraine - Russia. We should have kept Bagram because Bagram is one of the largest military bases in the world cost us billions of dollars to build forget about Afghanistan, it's one hour away from where China is building their nuclear weapons.
**[https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Ct2Vl-NO6Og] [https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=OL8NDU16Ex8] [https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=TZvpAqhMwdg]
*If China takes Taiwan they will turn the world off potentially.
**[https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Ct2Vl-NO6Og] [https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=OL8NDU16Ex8] [https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=TZvpAqhMwdg]
*Millions of illegal aliens have stormed across our borders. It is an invasion, like a military invasion. Our rights and liberties are being torn to shreds,Your country is being turned into a third-world hellhole, run by censors, perverts, criminals, and thugs.”
**[https://nationalpost.com/news/world/trump-u-s-is-being-turned-into-a-third-world-hellhole-run-by-perverts-and-thugs criminals and perverts]

*America is tired of being ruled by radical bureaucrats in Washington the Bidens, the Clintons, the Obamas, the Radical Left Democrats, the Marxists – guys like Paul Ryan and Karl Rove. Their reign will be over, and it will be over quickly, and America will be a free nation once again.
**speech [https://www.rsbnetwork.com/news/trump-says-hes-the-only-candidate-that-cant-be-owned-or-controlled/]
* Think of this. We give them everything, including military protection and trade, and now we have to pay them to go there. As President I will not allow this, will end very quickly.
**“U.S. CITIZENS WILL HAVE TO PAY FOR A VISA TO TRAVEL TO EUROPE STARTING IN 2024.” [https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110776705512999901]
*Gloves are off.Under crooked Joe Biden. I never called him that. I took the name away from Hillary Clinton. We call her beautiful Hillary now.Now it's crooked Joe, because it's a much more appropriate name right now for this man who's just destroying our country.
**rally [https://www.newsmax.com/newsmax-tv/donald-trump-july-4-south-carolina/2023/07/01/id/1125653/]
*As part of my plan to obtain total independence from China, we will phase in tariffs and import restrictions to bring back production of all essential medicines to the United States of America where they belong. I signed an executive order to begin this process in 2020 but Biden has shamefully failed to follow through. He wants it ended. He wants to take care of China.
*[https://www.rsbnetwork.com/news/trump-promises-to-return-production-of-cancer-drugs-essential-medicines-to-u-s/]

*They don’t go after the people who cheated in the election, they only go after the people who report on, or question the cheating if you don't have strong borders you don't have a country, right now we don't have a country.
**[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110781850689911246]

*Trumpism or America first is very simple low taxes and regulations , the most powerful military , tariffs on countries taking advantage, protection of section amendment , great healthcare , low energy prices, parental power on school boards, life , strong borders.
**[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110781828901024566]

*I expect nothing from the meeting with my lawyers and the lunatics in the DOJ regarding January 6th. They just want to interfere with the Presidential Election on 2024. It is their new form of cheating, but we will win !!! How can deranged Jack Smith bring a case on January 6th., as ridiculous as it is anyway, when I have already won such a case, and been fully acquitted, in the U.S. Senate? In other words, I was Impeached on this, and won!!! 
**[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110793264554684917] [https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110793284091097891]

====August 2023====
*These monsters, all controlled and coordinated by the DOJ and Radical Left Lunatics, are Criminalizing Political Speech, a total SHUTDOWN OF DEMOCRACY!
**Truth Social Post 6:28 PM on August 15, 2023.[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110895990420845351]

*CROOKED JOE BIDEN IS TOTALLY CONTROLLED BY CHINA, UKRAINE, &amp; VARIOUS OTHER COUNTRIES. THEY KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM - ALL OF HIS MISDEEDS. HE IS A COMPROMISED PRESIDENT WHO IS LEADING OUR COUNTRY TO HELL. HE IS A MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE!
**Truth Social Post 6:20 PM on August 15, 2023.[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110895877441671196]

*I believe we have a compromised president. He was bribed, and now he’s being blackmailed. He’s a Manchurian Candidate. That’s why Crooked Joe is letting other countries walk all over the United States.
**Truth Social Post on August 15, 2023.[https://links.truthsocial.com/link/110895072887935769]

*IMPOSSIBLE to get a fair trial in Washington, D.C., which is over 95% anti-Trump, &amp; for which I have called for a Federal TAKEOVER in order to bring our Capital back to Greatness. It is now a high crime embarrassment to our Nation and, indeed, the World
**https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110823476578708544
*I AM NOW GOING TO WASHINGTON, D.C., TO BE ARRESTED FOR HAVING CHALLENGED A CORRUPT, RIGGED, &amp; STOLEN ELECTION. IT IS A GREAT HONOR, BECAUSE I AM BEING ARRESTED FOR YOU. Biden and his family steal Millions and Millions of Dollars, including BRIBES from foreign countries, and I’m headed to D.C. to be ARRESTED for protesting a CROOKED ELECTION. UNFAIR VENUE, UNFAIR JUDGE. We are a Nation in Decline.
**https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110826519469646840 https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110826840688757163
*CONSIDERING THE FACT THAT I HAD TO FLY TO A FILTHY, DIRTY, FALLING APART, &amp; VERY UNSAFE WASHINGTON, D.C., TODAY, &amp; THAT I WAS THEN ARRESTED BY MY POLITICAL OPPONENT, WHO IS LOSING BADLY TO ME IN THE POLLS, CROOKED JOE BIDEN, IT WAS A VERY GOOD DAY!
**https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110828062805817649
*A very sad day for America, and it was also very sad driving through Washington, D.C., and seeing the filth and decay and all of the broken buildings and walls and the graffiti. This is not the place that I left. It’s a very sad thing to see it.
**https://www.rsbnetwork.com/news/trump-tells-reporters-if-you-cant-beat-him-you-persecute-him-or-you-prosecute-him/
*They’re trying to make it illegal to question the results of a bad election…But only a party that cheats in elections would try to make it illegal, on Election Day 2024, we’re going to evict Crooked Joe Biden from the White House…We’re going to expel the criminals and thugs from the halls of power in Washington, D.C. 
**[https://www.rsbnetwork.com/news/trump-draws-biggest-crowd-ever-to-alabama-gop-dinner/ Alabama]

*We are NOT a free nation, We don’t have a free press. We have a corrupt press.
*[https://www.rsbnetwork.com/news/trump-the-tables-must-turn-and-we-will-quickly-destroy-the-deep-state/ Alabama]
*OUR HIGHLY PARTISAN, AND VERY CORRUPT,  DEPARTMENT OF INJUSTICE, COULD HAVE BROUGHT THIS BIDIN “OPPONENT” CASE YEARS AGO, BUT CHOSE TO WAIT AND BRING IT RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF MY ELECTION CAMPAIGN. NO WAY!!! I HOPE YOU ARE WATCHING AMERICA. OUR COUNTRY IS BEING DESTROYED.
**https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110842856814664717 
*This will be the single biggest and most important election in the history of our country - maybe in the history of the WORLD.
**https://truthsocial.com/@RSBN/posts/110840001623943794 

*The “shocking and totally unexpected” loss by the U.S. Women’s Soccer Team to Sweden is fully emblematic of what is happening to the our once great Nation under Crooked Joe Biden. Many of our players were openly hostile to America - No other country behaved in such a manner, or even close. WOKE EQUALS FAILURE. Nice shot Megan, the USA is going to Hell!!
*https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110845290114601452

*WHAT THE DEPARTMENT OF INJUSTICE IS DOING TO ME IS THE SAME THING DONE BY THIRD WORLD COUNTRIES ALL OVER THE WORLD, BUT IT WILL NOT WORK.
**https://www.rsbnetwork.com/news/trump-explains-why-he-should-not-have-a-protective-order-placed-on-him-by-deranged-jack-smith/ 

*Let’s see! My political Opponent, Crooked Joe Biden, tells Merrick Garland and the DOJ to indict and arrest me on bogus charges and accusations, trying desperately to steal the Election. But that wasn’t enough! He now wants Thug Prosecutor, Deranged Jack Smith, to file for a Court Order taking away my first amendment rights, SPEECH. So, based on yet another Radical Left Hoax, I’ll be the only “Politician” in American history not allowed to SPEAK. THE NEVER ENDING WITCH HUNT CONTINUES.
**https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110852063479466833

*They just found a letter from Crooked Joe Biden directly to Keven Archer. Oh well, so much for “Joe” not knowing anything about all of the money he extorted. At some point the LameStream Media will have to cover this story, perhaps the biggest scandal in U.S. history. When they do, our Country will start to heal!
**https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110850107581995665

*HOW CAN MY CORRUPT POLITICAL OPPONENT PUT ME ON TRIAL(S) DURING A CAMPAIGN THAT I AM WINNING (BY A LOT!), BUT FORCING ME TO SPEND TIME AND MONEY AWAY FROM THE “CAMPAIGN TRAIL” IN ORDER TO FIGHT BOGUS ACCUSATIONS &amp; CHARGES? IS THIS GOING TO BE THE FUTURE OF ELECTIONS IN AMERICA? CAN A PRESIDENT ORDER HIS DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE TO INDICT AN OPPONENT JUST PRIOR TO AN ELECTION? 
**https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110849582956879248

*Just found out that Crooked Joe Biden’s DOJ secretly attacked my Twitter account, making it a point not to let me know about this major “hit” on my civil rights. My Political Opponent is going CRAZY trying to infringe on my Campaign for President. Nothing like this has ever happened before. Does the First Amendment still exist? Did Deranged Jack Smith tell the Unselects to DESTROY &amp; DELETE all evidence? 
**https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110860965885418709

*It’s not like the State or Country is coming down on me. It’s a dishonest politician and his gang of Thugs breaking the law in order to get re-elected. 
**https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110859441854770499

*So now that I have full Subpoena Power because of the Freedom of Speech Sham Indictment by Crooked Joe Biden,  Deranged Jack Smith, and the DOJ, it has just been reported that the Unselect January 6th Committee of Political Hacks and Thugs has illegally destroyed their Records and Documents. This is unthinkable, and the Fake Political Indictment against me must be immediately withdrawn. The system is Rigged &amp; Corrupt, very much like the Presidential Election of 2020. We are a Nation in Decline.
**https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110857162338915853
*Thousands of veterans were put on secret medial wait lists and many of them were left to die, All of that changed when WE arrived at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.
**https://www.rsbnetwork.com/news/trump-lays-out-exemplary-agenda-that-will-restore-hope-and-care-to-americas-veterans/ 

*Whenever more Biden corruption is exposed his henchmen charge me with a crime.
**https://truthsocial.com/@RSBN/posts/110855681234356104 
*I think that Crooked Joe Biden is not only dumb and incompetent, I believe he has gone MAD, a stark raving Lunatic, with his HORRIBLE AND COUNTRY THREATENING ENVIRONMENTAL, OPEN BORDERS, &amp; DOJ/FBI WEAPONIZATION POLICIES. HE IS A MENTAL CATASTROPHE THAT IS LEADING OUR COUNTRY TO HELL!What Crooked Joe Biden, who can’t string two sentences together, has done to our once great Country through his Open Borders CATASTROPHE, may go down as the greatest and most damaging mistake ever made in USA HISTORY. It is not even believable that such incompetence and stupidity could have been allowed to happen. OUR COUNTRY IS BEING DESTROYED BY A MAN WITH THE MIND, IDEAS, AND I.Q. OF A FIRST GRADER. THIS INVASION OF OUR COUNTRY MUST STOP IMMEDIATELY. IT CANNOT BE ALLOWED TO CONTINUE!
**https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110865224814637476 https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110865185229848140


*The Fake Indictments against me didn’t come down from heaven, they came from the most corrupt President in the history of the United States, Crooked Joe Biden, in order to Rig &amp; Steal another Election.
**[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110867274500411944]

*Why is “Phoney” (Like in PERFECT “PHONE” CALL, get it?) Fani Willis, the severely underperforming D.A. of Fulton County who is being accused of having an “affair” with a Gang Member of a group that she is prosecuting, leaking my name in regard to a Grand Jury pertaining to Election Fraud &amp; Irregularities that I say took place in Georgia. I made a PERFECT PHONE CALL OF PROTEST. What does Phoney Fani have to do with me? She should instead focus on the record number of murders in Atlanta!
**https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/110882230702522121

*The only Election Interference that took place in Fulton County, Georgia, was done by those that Rigged and Stole the Election, not by me, who simply complained that the Election was Rigged and Stolen. We have Massive and Conclusive Proof, if the Grand Jury would like to see it. Unfortunately, the publicity seeking D.A. isn’t interested in Justice, or this evidence. Also, as in Manhattan, the corrupt DOJ is pushing hard trying to keep Biden in Office. The whole system is dishonest and broken!
**https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/110882321735123573

*To say no comment is oftentimes fine, but to be smiling when you say it, especially again such a tragedy as this, is absolutely horrible and unacceptable, Our government was not prepared. And very importantly, the aftermath is going very poorly with the governor of the island wanting to do nothing but blame it on global warming, and other things that just happen to pop into his head.
**https://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/4152554-trump-bidens-response-to-maui-fires-disgraceful/


*“Hey, I’m running against a guy, I’m going to Indict him 3 or 4 times to keep him busy.” Does anyone think that Crooked Joe Biden would have said something like this???
**https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110914172490735501

*David Rivkin, a highly respected Constitutional law scholar, just clearly stated that I have “Constitutionally-based immunity” and “absolute immunity!
**https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110918895000463495

*Why should Crooked Joe Biden be able to force me into the time and expense of trials, especially before the Election, on bogus claims pushed by his chief political supporter, The Department of Injustice? What a horrible precedent this sets for future Presidential campaigns. Crooked Joe Biden’s only campaign strategy is Indicting me, going on extended vacations, and Sleep, Sleep, Sleep!!!
**https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110918860464876718 https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110918173717605996 

*I easily won the Great State of Georgia in 2016, did a fantastic job, as President, for Georgia and the entire USA, received 10 Million more votes than I got, nationwide, in 2016, got by far the most votes in history for a sitting President, but shockingly,  “LOST” Georgia. All this despite winning nearby Alabama and South Carolina in Record Setting Landslides. Why did Georgia officials agree to, and sign, the one sided Consent Decree? Does anybody really believe I lost Georgia? I DON’T!
**https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/110916681777676824


====September 2023====
*MINORITY VOTERS ARE ABANDONING CROOKED JOE BIDEN &amp; THE DEMOCRAT PARTY FOR “TRUMP.” THANK YOU, A VERY WISE DECISION!
**https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/1110151303435539041

*It is all a shadow of its former self. Ukraine, Inflation, Bad Economy, Woke Military, No World Standing, No Respect, and today, 6 Billion Dollars for hostages. Where is the call from Republicans for the 25th Amendment.
**Truth social

*Can you believe that Crooked Joe Biden is giving $6 Billion to the terrorist regime in Iran? That money be used for terrorism all over the Middle East, and, indeed, the World. This incompetent FOOL is absolutely destroying America He had the audacity to announce this terrible deal today, September 11th. To pay for hostages will lead to kidnapping, ransom, and blackmail against Americans across the globe So, lets get this straight! We did a hostage TRADE with Iran. We gave them 5 very tough, smart people that they desperately wanted. We likewise got back 5 people BUT, we also gave them 6 BILLION DOLLARS! How much of a kickback does Crooked Joe Biden get Does anyone realize how much money 6 Billion Dollars is? When I was President, I got back 58 hostages for ZERO money. Remember Pastor Brunson? It sets a TERRIBLE precedent. Republicans, call out the 25th Amendment, NOW! Biden is INCOMPETENT
**https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/4199317-trump-rips-biden-for-release-of-6b-in-iranian-funds/

*Early in the administration Education department will be closing . we spend more money on education than any other country yet we are bottom of every list.
**[https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&amp;v=ojRde4zCYd0 Truth social]

*Biden’s job killing EV mandate has dictated that nearly seven percent of all cars sold in the US must be fully electric in less than 10 years. Crooked Joe Biden is back like a wretched old vulture.
**[https://www.rsbnetwork.com/news/trump-crooked-joe-biden-is-back-like-a-wretched-old-vulture-trying-to-finish-off-his-prey/]

*[[Mark Milley]], who led perhaps the most embarrassing moment in American history with his grossly incompetent implementation of the withdrawal from Afghanistan, costing many lives, leaving behind hundreds of American citizens, and handing over BILLIONS of dollars of the finest military equipment ever made, will be leaving the military next week. This will be a time for all citizens of the USA to celebrate! This guy turned out to be a Woke train wreck who, if the Fake News reporting is correct, was actually dealing with China to give them a heads up on the thinking of the President of the United States. This is an act so egregious that, in times gone by, the punishment would have been DEATH! A war between China and the United States could have been the result of this treasonous act. To be continued!!!
**[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/111111513207332826 Truth social]

* Nobody has any idea where these people are coming from. And we know they come from prisons. We know they come from mental institutions, insane asylums. We know they're terrorists. Nobody has seen anything like we're witnessing right now. It is a very sad thing for our country. It's poisoning the blood of our country. It's so bad.
** ''The National Pulse'' interview, quoted in {{cite web |date=2023-10-17 |title=Trump - &quot;Migrants Poisoning the Blood of Our Country&quot; |work=Meidas Touch |url=https://www.meidastouch.com/:section/trump-migrants-poisoning-the-blood-of-our-country }}

====October 2023====
*We will immediately stop all of the pillaging and theft. Very simply: If you rob a store, you can fully expect to be shot as you are leaving that store... Shot! The word that they shoot you will get out within minutes and our nation, in one day, will be an entirely different place. There must be retribution for theft and destruction and the ruination of our country
**2 October 2023 in [https://nypost.com/2023/10/02/trump-calls-for-shoplifters-to-be-shot-to-save-the-nation/ NY Post]

*I had a wonderful life before all this stuff. I '''didn't know what a grand jury was''', I didn't know what a subpoena, '''what is a subpoena'''? I had a wonderful life.
**5 October 2023 in [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1uPUfVrb74&amp;t=842s spoken interview]

* lowlife with a very small brain and a very big mouth
* by far the dumbest of my military people
* incapable of doing a good job
* It was too much for him, and I couldn’t stand the guy, so I fired him like a ‘dog’
** Claimed about John Kelly, retired U.S. Marine Corps general, former Chief of Staff for Donald Trump, and before that US Homeland Security Secretary, quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2023/oct/05/donald-trump-john-kelly-comments-military-veterans &quot;‘Lowlife with small brain and big mouth’: Trump hits out at ex-aide Kelly&quot;], ''The Guardian'' (October 5, 2023)

* There’s a man, Viktor Orbán, did anyone ever hear of him?  He’s probably, like, one of the strongest leaders anywhere in the world. He’s the leader of Turkey.
**24 October 2023 in [https://www.politico.eu/article/trump-confuses-turkish-and-hungarian-leaders-orban-erdogan/ &quot;Trump praises Hungary’s ‘Viktor Orbán’ as great ‘leader of Turkey’&quot;], ''Politico''

==== November 2023 ====
* We pledge to you that we will root out the Communists, Marxists, Fascists, and Radical Left Thugs that live like vermin within the confines of our Country, lie, steal, and cheat on Elections, and will do anything possible, whether legally or illegally, to destroy America, and the American Dream. The threat from outside forces is far less sinister, dangerous, and grave, than the threat from within. Despite the hatred and anger of the Radical Left Lunatics who want to destroy our Country, we will MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!
** [https://www.thenation.com/article/politics/donald-trump-fascist-vermin/ &quot;The “Is Donald Trump a Fascist?” Debate Has Been Ended—by Donald Trump&quot;], ''The Nation'' (November 14, 2023)

====December 2023====
*: ''Sean Hannity:'' Under no circumstances, you are promising America tonight, you would never abuse power as retribution against anybody?
*:''Donald Trump:'' Except for day one.
*: ''Sean Hannity:'' Except for—
*: ''Donald Trump:'' ''[aside to audience, pointing at Sean]'' He's doing great. ''[to Sean]'' Except for day one. I want to close the border and I want to drill, drill, drill.

* We love this guy. He says, &quot;You’re not going to be a dictator, are ya?&quot; I said: &quot;No, no, no, other than day one. We're closing the border, and we're drilling, drilling, drilling. After that, I'm not a dictator.&quot;
**5 December 2023 in Davenport, Iowa town hall, quoted in {{cite news |date=2023-12-05 |title=Trump to Hannity on Whether He’ll Abuse Power as President: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ |periodical=Rolling Stone |url=https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-news/donald-trump-hannity-iowa-town-hall-1234917385/ }}

* They let — I think the real number is 15, 16 million people into our country. When they do that, we got a lot of work to do.&lt;br&gt;They're poisoning the '''blood of our country''', that's what they've done.&lt;br&gt;They poison mental institutions and prisons all over the world, not just in South America, not just to three or four countries that we think about, but all over the world. They're coming into our country from Africa, from Asia, all over the world.
**16 December 2023 in Durham, New Hampshire rally, quoted in {{cite news |date=2023-12-17 |title=Trump says immigrants are 'poisoning the blood of our country.' Biden campaign likens comments to Hitler. |periodical=NBC News |url=https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2024-election/trump-says-immigrants-are-poisoning-blood-country-biden-campaign-liken-rcna130141  }}

*ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION IS POISONING THE BLOOD OF OUR NATION
**17 December 2023 per [https://www.the-independent.com/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-poisoning-blood-quote-fascism-b2465618.html Alex Woodward article in The Independent] on Trumps TruthSocial account after leaving New Hampshire

===2024===
====January 2024====
*Even if you vote and then pass away, it's worth it.
**14 January 2024 per [https://www.businessinsider.com/donald-trump-worth-it-sick-vote-iowa-caucus-pass-away-2024-1 Business Insider] and  [https://edition.cnn.com/videos/politics/2024/01/15/donald-trump-vote-pass-away-iowa-caucus-vpx.cnn CNN]

*“We’re going to place strong protections to stop banks and regulators from trying to debank you from your—our political beliefs what they do. They want to debank you. We’re going to debank—think of this. They want to take away your country. Electric cars... They wanna take away your rights. They wanna take away your country. The things they’re doing. All [[Electric vehicles|electric cars]]. Give me a break. If you want an electric car, great. But they don’t go far. They’re very expensive. They gotta be made in China. That’s why I think I’m gonna get the autoworkers to vote for Trump. You know, we’re having great, great talks. But think of what they wanna do. They wanna take away your rights.”
**17 January 2024 at a campaign rally in New Hampshire, reported by several sources.&lt;ref name=&quot;evdb&quot;&gt;{{Cite web |website={{w|The Daily Beast}} |date=2024-01-21 |accessdate=2024-01-21 |title=We Need an Interpreter to Work Out Trump’s ‘Debanking’ Rant |department=The New Abnormal |url=https://www.thedailybeast.com/donald-trumps-debanking-rant-in-new-hampshire-and-electric-cars-makes-no-sense}}&lt;/ref&gt;&lt;ref name=&quot;evmed&quot;&gt;{{Cite web |url=https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/huh-trump-declares-they-wanna-de-bank-you-and-we-re-going-to-de-bank/ar-AA1n9KYV |title=Huh? Trump Declares, ‘They Wanna De-Bank You and We’re Going to De-Bank’ |first=Michael |last=Luciano |date=2024-01-18 |accessdate=2024-01-21 |website={{w|Mediaite}}}}&lt;/ref&gt;

* There is a great man, a great leader in Europe — [[Viktor Orbán|Viktor Orban]] [...] He is the Prime Minister of [[Hungary]]. He is a very great leader, a very strong man. Some people don't like him because he's too strong.
**20 January 2024 at a rally in Manchester, New Hampshire, as cited in [https://news.yahoo.com/trump-hails-hungarian-pm-orban-162500247.html &quot;Trump hails Hungarian PM Orban as 'great leader' and 'strong man'], ''Yahoo! News,'' reproduced from The New Voice of Ukraine (21 January 2024)

* We have become a drug infested, crime ridden nation which is incapable of solvin’ even the sollest smallest problem. The simplest of problems, we can no longer solve. We can’t do anything. We are an institute in a powerful death penalty. We will put this on.
** [https://www.indy100.com/video/donald-trump-incoherent-sentence-video &quot;Trump utter's incoherent sentence about US not solving 'sollest smallest problem'&quot;], ''Indy 100'' (January 23, 2024)

*You know, I had an uncle. He's the longest-serving professor, Doctor John Trump, in the history of MIT, with same genes—we have genes, we're smart people, we're smart people... We're like race—Mr. Lieutenant Governor—we're like racehorses, too. You know, the fast ones produce the fast ones, and the slow ones doesn't work out so well, right? But we're no different in that sense.
** [https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-migrants-bad-genes-1965004 January 2024]

====March 2024====
*There's a lot of good and there's a lot of bad with TikTok, but the thing I don't like is that without TikTok, you're going to make Facebook bigger, and I consider Facebook to be an enemy of the people, along with a lot of the media. I'm not looking to make Facebook double the size. I think Facebook has been very bad for our country.
**11 March 2024 per [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/trump-reversal-tiktok-ban-says-facebook-enemy-of-people/ CBS article by Jacob Rosen]

* They call it BleachBit, but it’s essentially acid that will destroy everything, you know, within ten miles.
**13 March 2024 about a computer software program, quoted in [https://www.thedailybeast.com/trump-still-seems-to-think-hillary-clinton-used-acid-to-delete-emails &quot;Trump STILL Seems to Think Hillary Clinton Used Acid to Delete Emails&quot;], ''The Daily Beast''

* People who are coming from parts unknown, countries that you’ve never heard of. Languages that nobody in this country speaks. We don’t even have teachers of some of these languages.  Who would think that we have languages that are like from the planet Mars?  Nobody, nobody, knows how to, you know, speak it.  
**25 March 2024 [https://www.huffpost.com/entry/donald-trump-out-of-this-world-claim_n_65e6de3ee4b0170871fb9275 &quot;Donald Trump Dragged To The Moon Over New Interplanetary Dog Whistle&quot;], ''Huffington Post''

====April 2024====
*I called [Bill Bar] him ‘Weak, Slow Moving, Lethargic, Gutless, and Lazy,Based on the fact that I greatly appreciate his wholehearted Endorsement, I am removing the word ‘Lethargic’ from my statement.
**25 April 2024 per [https://web.archive.org/web/20240426044532/https://gazette.com/news/wex/bill-barr-endorses-trump-despite-past-criticism/article_1c59037c-c234-5540-be2e-8a5e59bf3ad9.html archive of The Gazette]

====May 2024====

*These people are running a Gestapo administration,And it’s the only thing they have. And it’s the only way they’re going to win in their opinion. Once I got indicted, I said well, now the gloves have to come off,If you care too much, you tend to choke. And in a way, I don’t care. It’s just you know, life is life.
**4 May 2024 per [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-biden-administration-gestapo-private-donor-event-rcna150743 NBC writers] Burns/Brooks/Sonnier/Gomez/Terkel

* We will make [[America]] ''[[powerful]]'' again. &lt;br /&gt; We will make America ''[[wealthy]]'' again. &lt;br /&gt; We will make America ''[[strong]]'' again. &lt;br /&gt; We will make America [[proud]] again. &lt;br /&gt; We will make America ''[[safe]]'' again. &lt;br /&gt; ''We will make America [[great]] again!''
** [https://www.instagram.com/realdonaldtrump/reel/C7Z3M8Kudxd/?hl=en Presidential campaign slogans, Bronx, NY (25 May 2024)]

* If he wins, our country is going to be destroyed.
* He’s a demented tyrant.
** Claimed about President of the United States of America Joe Biden, quoted in [https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2024/05/politics-fear-itself-trump-maga/678311/ &quot;The Politics of Fear Itself&quot;], ''The Atlantic'' (May 7, 2024)

* Our cities are choking to death. Our states are dying. And frankly, our country is dying.
** [https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2024/05/politics-fear-itself-trump-maga/678311/ &quot;The Politics of Fear Itself&quot;], ''The Atlantic'' (May 7, 2024)

*I have been indicted more than the great Al Capone, on bullshit.
**11 May 2024 per [https://www.insidernj.com/trump-delusionary-in-new-jersey/ InsiderNJ] writer Max Pizarro

* Has anyone ever seen ''[[The Silence of the Lambs (film)|The Silence of the Lambs]]''? The late, great Hannibal Lecter. He's a wonderful man. He oftentimes would have a friend for dinner.
**11 May 2024 from a speech in Wildwood, N.J. per [https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2024/05/13/trump-hannibal-lecter-immigration/ Washington Post], as cited 16 May 2024 in [https://www.nytimes.com/2024/05/16/opinion/donald-trump-hannibal-lecter.html &quot;When Donald Trump Met Hannibal Lecter&quot;], ''The New York Times''

*I know we won (Minnesota) in 2020. We've got to be careful. We've got to watch those votes.
** 17 May 2024 during an address to the Minnesota Republican Party's annual Lincoln-Reagan Dinner in St. Paul per [https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/elections/2024/05/18/donald-trump-minnesota-election/73747544007/ Donald Trump falsely tells supporters he won Minnesota in 2020], ''USA Today''

*'''Before I even arrive at the Oval Office''', shortly after we win the presidency, I will have the horrible war between Russia and Ukraine settled, and we will restore, as we had just four years ago, peace through strength. They respected our country and they respected your President. 
**18 May 2024 in Dallas, Texas in [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sgl06asFsXc speech to NRA aired on Fox], transcribed [https://www.rev.com/blog/transcripts/donald-trump-speaks-at-nra-convention 20 May 2024]
***Trump had previously used the &quot;before I even arrive at the Oval Office&quot; phrase in [[#May 2023]] and would again use it in Philadelphia the following month in [[#June 2024]]

*And if you vote for me, on Day One, I will commute the sentence of [[Ross Ulbricht]]
**20 May 2024 (Saturday night) at Libertarian National Convention, reported in [https://www.politico.com/news/2024/05/25/trump-commute-ross-ulbricht-sentence-libertarian-convention-00160025 25 May 2024 article] by Peter Shaefer of Politico

*It boiled down to something that was very beautiful, the way it happened, and I got along with him very well.&lt;br&gt;He respected me, I respected him.&lt;br&gt;Very smart guy, very strong guy
**28 May 2024 about Kim Jong-Un, dictator in North Korea, cited in [https://newrepublic.com/post/181993/trump-brags-beautiful-relationship-cruel-dictator-kim-jong-un &quot;Watch: Trump’s Disgusting Praise for “Beautiful” Bond with Kim Jong Un&quot;], ''New Republic''

*We have a country that’s in big trouble, but this was a rigged decision right from day one, with a conflicted judge who should have never been allowed to try this case, And we’ll keep fighting we’ll fight till the end and we’ll win because our country has gone to hell. We don’t have the same country anymore. We have a divided mess. We’re a nation in decline, serious decline, millions and millions of people pouring into our country right now, from prisons and from mental institutions terrorists, and they’re taking over our country, real verdict would come in November.
**30 May 2024 from [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/donald-trump-reaction-guilty-verdict-new-york-criminal-trial/ Melissa Quinn of CBS] and [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/donald-trump-jury-reaction-hush-money-trial-b2554187.html Ariana Baio of The Independent]

* Our witnesses were literally crucified by this man who looks like an angel, but he is really a devil.
**31 May 2024 [https://x.com/Acyn/status/1796560554359996767 tweet by Acyn] shows footage of Trump saying this about Judge [[Juan Merchan]], after Trump was found guilty in concealing payment of hush money to adult film performer Stormy Daniels, cited in [https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/trump-ridiculed-over-literally-crucified-trial-witness-claim_uk_665c277be4b00474bee95ad7 &quot;Social Media Mocks Trump's Claim That Trial Witnesses Were 'Literally Crucified'&quot;], ''Huffington Post'' (June 02, 2024)

====June 2024==== 
*Don’t forget, if it weren’t me, they’d be going after somebody else. And I know a lot of the competition, They wouldn’t be doing so well right now. They’d be saying, ‘Mommy, take me home, I want to go home.
**2 June 2024 cited in [https://www.politico.com/news/2024/06/02/trump-biden-heat-2024-elections-00161168 Politico article] by Mia McCarthy

*Wouldn't it be terrible to throw the President's wife and the former Secretary of State into jail? Wouldn't that be a terrible thing? But they wanna do it! It's a terrible, terrible, path that they're leading us to &amp; it's very possible that it's going to have to happen to them.
**5 June 2024 per [https://www.newsnationnow.com/politics/trump-suggests-political-opponents-could-face-prosecution/ NewsNationNow article] by Brett Samuels of The Hill

*[&lt;i&gt;Rachel Campos-Duffy:&lt;/i&gt;] Would you declassify the 9/11 files?&lt;br&gt;[&lt;i&gt;Donald Trump:&lt;/i&gt;] Yeah.&lt;br&gt;[&lt;i&gt;Campos-Duffy:&lt;/i&gt;] Would you declassify the JFK files?&lt;br&gt;[&lt;i&gt;Trump:&lt;/i&gt;] Yeah. I did a lot of it.&lt;br&gt;[&lt;i&gt;Campos-Duffy:&lt;/i&gt;] Would you declassify the Epstein files?&lt;br&gt;[&lt;i&gt;Trump:&lt;/i&gt;] Yeah. Yeah, I would. I guess I would. I think that less so because, you know, you don't know — you don't want to affect people's lives if it's phony stuff in there, because it's a lot of phony stuff with that whole world.
**During an appearance on Fox &amp; Friends Weekend, quoted in [https://www.hindustantimes.com/world-news/us-news/donald-trump-panics-when-asked-if-hed-declassify-epstein-documents-netizens-wonder-what-is-he-afraid-of-101717671792541.html Donald Trump ‘panics’ when asked if he'd declassify Epstein documents, netizens wonder ‘what is he afraid of?’] ''Hindustan Times'' (June 6, 2024)[https://www.rev.com/transcripts/donald-trump-interview-on-the-will-cain-show]

*Those J6 warriors — they were warriors — but they were really, more than anything else, they’re victims of what happened... All they were doing is protesting a rigged election. That’s what they were doing.
**9 June 2024  [https://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/4713140-trump-calls-j6-defendants-warriors/ &quot;Trump calls Jan. 6 defendants ‘warriors’&quot;]

* I don't care about you. I just want your vote. 
**10 June 2024  [https://lamag.com/politics/i-dont-care-about-you-i-just-want-your-vote-trump-says-at-his-latest-rally &quot;Trump to Nevada: ’I Don't Care About You... I Just Want Your Vote’&quot;], Los Angeles Magazine

* So I said, ‘Let me ask you a question.  Nobody ever asked this question. And it must be because of MIT. My relationship to MIT. Very smart. I say, What would happen if the boat sank from its weight? And you’re in the boat and you have this tremendously powerful battery, and the battery is now underwater, and there’s a shark that’s approximately 10 yards over there.  By the way, a lot of shark attacks lately. You notice that? A lot of shark. I watch some guys justifying it today. ‘Well, they weren’t really that angry. They bit off the young lady’s leg because of the fact that they were — they were not hungry, but they misunderstood what - who she was.’ These people are crazy.  ‘There’s no problem with sharks. They just didn’t really understand a young woman swimming. No really got decimated and other people too, a lot of shark attacks. So I said, ‘So there’s a shark 10 yards away from the boat, 10 yards or here. Do I get electrocuted? If the boat is sinking, water goes over the battery, the boat is sinking. Do I stay on top of the boat and get electrocuted? Or do I jump over by the shark and not get electrocuted?  ‘You know, nobody’s ever asked me that question.’ I said, ‘I think it’s a good question. I think there’s a lot of electric current coming through that water.’ But you know what I’d do if there was a shark or you get electrocuted? I’ll take electrocution every single time. I’m not getting near the shark!
**10 June 2024 [https://newrepublic.com/post/182494/cognitive-decline-trump-rant-batteries &quot;Cognitive Decline? Trump Short-Circuits During Bonkers Rant&quot;], The New Republic
*before I even arrive at the Oval Office, shortly after we win the presidency
**22 June 2024 rally in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, quoted in a 2 July 2024 [https://www.politico.com/news/magazine/2024/07/02/nato-second-trump-term-00164517 Politico article] by Michael Hirsh
***Trump had previously used the phrase &quot;before I even arrive at the Oval Office&quot; in [[#March 2023]], and also used it in a May 2024 speech to the NRA the previous month

*I'm not rambling.
**23 June 2024 [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/his-brains-are-pudding-internet-mocks-trump-for-incoherent-defense-of-rambling-rant/ar-BB1oHYc9?item=flightsprg-tipsubsc-v1a?loadin=defaultbrowser &quot;'His brains are pudding': Internet mocks Trump for 'incoherent' defense of 'rambling' rant&quot;], MSN

*But I will tell you that would have never happened [if I was president]. Ukraine would have never happened. The israeli attack would have never happened and inflation would have never happened. Those are three big things. Inflation would have never happened.&lt;br&gt;No, I wouldn't support a national ban [on abortion]. No, I would not.
**20 June 2024 [https://deepcast.fm/episode/46167/in-conversation-with-president-trump#quotes/ &quot;In conversation with President Trump&quot;, on All-In with Chamath, Jason, Sacks &amp; Friedberg, found on DeepCast] 

* I want you to remember what they did to me. They tortured me in the Fulton County Jail, and TOOK MY MUGSHOT. So guess what? I put it on a mug for the WHOLE WORLD TO SEE!
**24 June 2024 [https://www.newsmax.com/newsfront/donald-trump-georgia-fundraising/2024/06/24/id/1169939/ &quot;Trump Fundraising Email: I Was 'Tortured' in Jail&quot;], Newsmax

* If I took this shirt off, you would see a beautiful beautiful person. But you would see wounds all over. I’ve taken a lot of wounds I can tell you. More than I suspect any president ever.
**24 June 2024 [https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/donald-trump-talks-taking-off-105630724.html &quot;Donald Trump Talks About Taking Off His Shirt To Show 'Wounds.' Internet Can't Even.&quot;], Yahoo News

*Israel is the one. And you should let them go and let them go finish the job. He doesn’t want to do it. He’s become like a Palestinian, but hey, don’t like him because he’s a very bad Palestinian. He’s a weak one.
**27 June 2024 per [https://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/4744809-donald-trump-joe-biden-debate-palestine-israel/ The Hill article] by Brett Samuels

*If we had a real president, a president that knew -- that was respected by Putin ... he would have never invaded Ukraine.
**27 June 2024 debate with Joe Biden, cited [https://www.ctvnews.ca/world/trump-says-he-can-end-the-russia-ukraine-war-in-one-day-russia-s-un-ambassador-says-he-can-t-1.6947744 1 July 2024] by Edith Lederer

*I really don't know what he said at the end of that sentence. I don't think he knows what he said either.
**About Joe Biden. [https://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/4744753-trump-jabs-biden-really-dont-know-what-he-said/ Presidential debate], June 27, 2024

====July 2024====
* I know nothing about [[Project 2025]].
* I disagree with some of the things they’re saying and some of the things they’re saying are absolutely ridiculous and abysmal.
** Claimed on July 5, 2024, quoted in:
::* [https://edition.cnn.com/2024/07/11/politics/trump-allies-project-2025/index.html &quot;Trump claims not to know who is behind Project 2025. A CNN review found at least 140 people who worked for him are involved&quot;], ''CNN'' (July 11, 2024)
::* [https://www.huffpost.com/entry/russell-vought-project-2025-centre-for-climate-reporting_n_66be3e85e4b04090eac4512c &quot;Project 2025 Co-Author Says Donald Trump ‘Very Supportive Of What We Do’&quot;], ''Huffington Post'' (August 15, 2024)

*It was God alone who prevented the unthinkable from happening...In this moment, it is more important than ever that we stand United, and show our True Character as Americans, remaining Strong and Determined, and not allowing Evil to Win
**14 July 2024 [https://www.ndtv.com/world-news/it-was-god-alone-who-prevented-the-unthinkable-trump-on-assassination-attempt-6104182 per NDTV]

*By luck or by God, many people are saying it’s by God I’m still here.&lt;br&gt;The agents hit me so hard that my shoes fell off, and my shoes are tight.&lt;br&gt;I had all prepared an extremely tough speech, really good, all about the corrupt, horrible administration. But I threw it away. I want to try to unite our country.
**14 July 2024 cited by [https://nypost.com/2024/07/14/us-news/grateful-defiant-trump-recounts-surreal-assassination-attempt-at-rally-im-supposed-to-be-dead/ NY Post] writer Michael Goodwin and [https://www.politico.com/news/2024/07/15/trump-assassination-attempt-rnc-speech-00168251 Politico] writer Isabella Ramirez

* Kamala even wants to pass laws to outlaw RED MEAT to stop climate change. 
* You know what that means? That means no more cows.
* I guess eventually she’s gonna mean no more people. Right? No more people.
** Claimed on July 25, 2024, without providing evidence, quoted in [https://www.yahoo.com/news/fact-check-kamala-harris-does-not-want-to-ban-red-meat-as-trump-keeps-falsely-claiming-204515645.html &quot;Fact check: ​​Kamala Harris does not want to ban red meat as Trump keeps falsely claiming&quot;], ''Yahoo News'' (August 1, 2024)

* And then the [Kamala Harris] campaign says, 'I'm the prosecutor and he is the convicted felon.'
**25 July 2024 [https://www.comicsands.com/harris-trump-ad-prosecutor-felon-2668815011.html# &quot;Kamala Harris Uses 6-Second Clip Of Trump Telling The Truth About Her Campaign In New Ad—And It's Gold&quot;], ''Comic Sands''

*They say something happened to me when I got shot. I became nice.&lt;br&gt;If you don't mind, I'm not going to be nice. Is that okay?&lt;br&gt;If border czar Harris is in charge, every week they'll bring in a neverending stream of illegal aliens, rapists, blood thirsty killers, child murderers to go after our sons and our daughters.&lt;br&gt;Everything Kamala touches turns into a total disaster.
**25 July 2024 claims about US Vice President [[Kamala Harris]] at a sports arena in Charlotte, cited in [https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-13664627/donald-trump-Charlotte-north-carolina-kamala-harris.html &quot;Donald Trump turns his attention to 'radical left lunatic' Kamala Harris in first rally since Biden dropped out&quot;], ''Daily Mail''

*We have a new victim now, Kamala. A brand new victim, and honestly she’s a radical left lunatic. When you find out about her, all I have to say is defund the police,Three months ago, she was thought of so badly, [the media] were just killing her. And now they’re trying to make her into a, let’s say, Margaret Thatcher. I don’t think so. It’s not going to happen. Margaret Thatcher didn’t laugh like that. Did she?
**27 July 2024 in [https://www.politico.com/news/2024/07/27/trump-harris-minnesota-rally-shooting-00171526 Politico article] by Myah Ward

*I pledge to the bitcoin community, that the day I take the oath of office, Joe Biden and Kamala Harris’ anti-crypto crusade will be over. On day one, I will fire Gary Gensler.
**date unknown, [https://www.ft.com/content/03e8e1d2-4244-4eba-9248-9bbd8d1b0090 Financial Times article]

*You won't have to do it anymore. Four more years, you know what, it will be fixed, it will be fine, you won't have to vote anymore, my beautiful Christians...I love you Christians. I'm a Christian. I love you, get out, you gotta get out and vote. '''In four years, you don't have to vote again, we'll have it fixed so good you're not going to have to vote.'''
**27 July 2024 in a speech to Turning Point Action in West Palm Beach, Florida, quote from the Reuters article [https://www.reuters.com/world/us/trump-tells-christians-they-wont-have-vote-after-this-election-2024-07-27/ &quot;Trump tells Christians they won't have to vote after this election&quot;] by Tim Reid

*I thought she was a little younger, but she's 60
**29 July 2024 about Kamala Harris, cited in [https://www.rawstory.com/donald-trump-2668835186/ &quot;She'll 'destroy the country': Trump rambles about Kamala Harris in new Fox News interview&quot;], ''RawStory''
***Kamala Harris was born 20 October 1964 so would not turn sixty until 20 October 2024, two weeks prior to the upcoming election - she was actually 59 years 9 months old when he said this 

*I’m not so sure which is better. But she either likes or loves me. And that’s nice.
**30 July 2024 about his wife Melania Trump, cited in [https://www.mercurynews.com/2024/07/30/trump-thinks-melania-either-likes-or-loves-him-following-assassination-attempt/ &quot;Trump thinks Melania ‘either likes or loves’ him following assassination attempt&quot;], ''Mercury News''

* Perverts and losers
**30 July 2024 describing members of the Lincoln Project, an organisation of moderate conservatives who oppose Trump and trumpism.  Quoted in [https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-rages-republicans-campaigning-lincoln-project-1849509 &quot;Donald Trump Rages at Republicans Campaigning Against Him&quot;], ''Newsweek''

* She doesn’t like Jewish people. You know it, I know it and everybody knows it and nobody wants to say it.
**30 July 2024 claimed about US Vice President Kamala Harris, who is married to a Jewish husband.  Quoted in [https://www.timesofisrael.com/liveblog_entry/trump-claims-harris-doesnt-like-jews-seems-to-agree-with-calling-her-husband-a-crappy-jew/ &quot;Trump claims Harris ‘doesn’t like Jews,’ seems to agree with calling her husband ‘a crappy Jew’&quot;], ''Times of Israel''

* If you are Jewish, regardless of Israel, if you’re Jewish, if you vote for a Democrat, you’re a fool, an absolute fool.
**30 July 2024 [https://www.thedailybeast.com/donald-trump-agrees-with-radio-host-who-calls-doug-emhoff-a-crappy-jew &quot;Trump Agrees With Radio Host Who Calls Emhoff a ‘Crappy Jew’&quot;], ''The Daily Beast''

* So I've known her a long time - indirectly, not directly very much - and she was always of Indian heritage. And she was only promoting Indian heritage. I didn't know she was Black until a number of years ago when she happened to turn Black.  And now she wants to be known as Black. So I don't know, is she Indian or is she Black?
**31 July 2024 about Kamala Harris, whose mother was a biologist from India and father is an emeritus professor of economics at Stanford University, originating from Jamaica.  Quoted in [https://www.nbcchicago.com/dnc-chicago-2024/all-of-a-sudden-trump-tells-black-journalists-in-chicago-that-kamala-harris-turned-black/3507125/ &quot;‘All of a sudden': Trump tells Black journalists in Chicago Kamala Harris ‘turned Black'&quot;], ''NBC Chicago''

* I don't want pronouns.
**31 July 2024 [https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/donald-trump-gets-basic-english-123624171.html &quot;Donald Trump Gets Basic English Lesson After Ridiculous Comment About His ‘Pronouns’&quot;], ''Huffington Post / Yahoo Entertainment''

* A Black job is anybody that has a job.
**31 July 2024 [https://www.cnbc.com/2024/07/31/trump-black-journalist-convention-nabj.html &quot;Trump questions if Harris is Black, downplays Vance pick at Black journalists convention&quot;], ''CNBC''

====August 2024====
* That’s a weird deal going on there. They’re the weird ones. Nobody’s ever called me weird. I’m a lot of things, but weird I’m not.&lt;br&gt;You notice the evening news, every one of them, you know, they introduced the word ‘weird’, and all of a sudden they’re talking about ‘weird’.  No, we’re not weird people. We’re actually just the opposite. We’re right down the middle.&lt;br&gt;No, we're not weird. We're very solid people. We want to have strong borders. We want to have good elections. They’re the weird ones.
**1 August 2024 [https://time.com/7009800/donald-trump-responds-weird-label-jd-vance-tim-walz-commentary/ Time] and [https://www.thedailybeast.com/donald-trump-stop-calling-jd-vance-and-me-weird &quot;Donald Trump: Stop Calling Me and J.D. Vance ‘Weird’&quot;], ''The Daily Beast''

* 24 HOURS UNTIL WE UNLEASH HELL.  At this time tomorrow, Crooked Kamala’s worst nightmares come true.&lt;br&gt;Tomorrow I step on stage and deliver Open Border Czar Kamala Harris the WORST defeat of her failed political career.&lt;br&gt;
**2 August 2024 campaign e-mail from Trump, cited in [https://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/4808393-trump-unleash-hell-atlanta-rally-harris/ &quot;Trump vows to ‘unleash hell’ on Harris at Atlanta rally&quot;], ''The Hill''

*This one is so smart, so sharp. She grabbed me. She gave me a kiss. I said &quot;I think I'm never going back home to the first lady.&quot; See now for the average politician, that's death. For me, I don't care. 
**4 August 2024 about [[Michaelah Montgomery]] at a rally in Georgia about an incident earlier in 2024, cited in [https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-13707347/donald-trump-georgia-rally-activist-michaelah-montgomery.html &quot;Trump's risqué remark to young activist who went viral for hugging him at Chick-fil-A after he invited her on stage at rally - as she makes VERY personal dig at Kamala&quot;], ''Daily Mail''

* I’m for electric cars. I have to be, you know, because Elon endorsed me very strongly. So I have no choice.
**5 August 2024 [https://www.benzinga.com/news/24/08/40154264/trump-says-electric-cars-are-fantastic-after-tesla-ceo-elon-musks-endorsement-i-have-to-be-you-know &quot;Trump Says Electric Cars Are 'Fantastic' After Tesla CEO Elon Musk's Endorsement: 'I Have To Be, You Know… I Have No Choice'&quot;], ''Benzinga''

* Kamabla Harris is afraid to Debate me on FoxNews
**6 August 2024 cited in [https://www.yahoo.com/news/donald-trump-pathetic-way-attacking-120711256.html &quot;Donald Trump’s ‘Pathetic’ New Way Of Attacking Kamala Harris Is Slammed Online&quot;], ''Yahoo News / Huffington Post''

* What are the chances that Crooked Joe Biden, the WORST President in the history of the U.S., whose Presidency was Unconstitutionally STOLEN from him by Kamabla, Barrack HUSSEIN Obama, Crazy Nancy Pelosi, Shifty Adam Schiff, Cryin' Chuck Schumer, and others on the Lunatic Left, CRASHES the Democrat National Convention and tries to take back the Nomination, beginning with challenging me to another DEBATE. He feels that he made a historically tragic mistake by handing over the U.S. Presidency, a COUP, to the people in the World he most hates, and he wants it back, NOW!!!
** 6 August 2024 Cited in [https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-suggests-biden-may-try-take-back-nomination-1935550 &quot;Donald Trump Suggests Biden May Try to 'Take Back The Nomination'&quot;], ''Newsweek''

* Crazy Kamabla is, indeed, CRAZY. I HEAR THERE IS A BIG MOVEMENT TO “BRING BACK CROOKED JOE&quot;.
** 6 August 2024 Cited in [https://www.indy100.com/politics/trump/trump-truth-social-biden-walz &quot;Trump shares outrageous Biden prediction in baffling Truth Social rant&quot;], ''Indy100''

* If you look at Caracas, it was known for being a very dangerous city and now it's very safe. In fact, the next interview we do, we'll do it in Caracas, Venezuela, because it's safer than many of our cities.
** 6 August 2024 [https://www.miaminewtimes.com/news/trump-says-caracas-venezuela-is-safer-than-many-us-cities-20962070 &quot;Trump Says Caracas Is 'Safer Than Many of Our Cities'&quot;], ''Miami New Times''

*I heard she's sort of a nasty person.&lt;br&gt;She doesn't do interviews 'cause she can't answer questions.
**7 August 2024 about Vice President of the United States of America, Kamala Harris, cited in [https://newrepublic.com/post/184640/donald-trump-kamala-harris-attacks &quot;Trump’s Latest Desperate Kamala Attacks Fall Hilariously Flat&quot;], ''The New Republic''

* A ticket that would want this country to go communist immediately, if not sooner.&lt;br&gt;We’re gonna be living like dogs. Our whole country, our whole system, is gonna collapse.
**7 August 2024 about [[Tim Walz]], cited in [https://voz.us/en/politics/240807/15242/trump-on-the-election-of-walz-ticket-that-would-want-this-country-to-go-communist-immediately-if-not-sooner.html &quot;Trump, on the selection of Walz: 'A ticket that would want this country to go communist immediately, if not sooner'&quot;], ''Voz'' (August 7, 2024)

*Kim Jong Un liked me a lot. He doesn't like this group [the Harris campaign]
**8 August 2024 cited in [https://nymag.com/intelligencer/article/trump-press-conference-mar-a-lago-updates.html &quot;Trump Agrees to Debate Harris at Rambling Press Conference: How It Happened&quot;], ''New York Magazine''

* I’ve spoken to the biggest crowds. Nobody’s spoken to crowds bigger than me. If you look at Martin Luther King when he did his speech, his great speech, and you look at ours, same real estate, same everything, same number of people, if not we had more. And they said he had a million people, but I had 25,000 people.&lt;br&gt;Nobody was killed on Jan. 6.&lt;br&gt;The presidency was taken away from Joe Biden, and I’m no Biden fan, but I tell you what, from a constitutional standpoint, from any standpoint you look at, they took the presidency away.&lt;br&gt;Twenty million people came over the border during the Biden-Harris administration — 20 million people — and it could be very much higher than that. Nobody really knows.
**9 August 2024 quoted in [https://apnews.com/article/trump-news-conference-fact-check-misinformation-eb899c1fc734f5ecb42b8d0902e5c004 &quot;FACT FOCUS: A look at claims made by Trump at news conference&quot;], ''AP News''

*Christie, he’s eating right now.  He can’t be bothered.&lt;br&gt;Sir, please do not call him a fat pig, that’s very disrespect.&lt;br&gt;See, I’m trying to be nice. Don’t call him a fat pig.  You can’t do that.&lt;br&gt;I was extremely respectful of Sloppy Chris Christie today in New Hampshire.  During a speech in front of a large crowd of Patriots, somebody shouted out that &quot;Chris Christie is a fat pig.&quot;  Rather than acknowleding that, which many speakers would have done, I said &quot;No, No, he is not a fat pig.&quot; I'm sure Chris would have been very happy with my defense of him!
**10 August 2024 [[Chris Christie]], cited in [https://nymag.com/intelligencer/2023/08/trump-is-pretending-he-didnt-call-chris-christie-fat-pig.html &quot;Trump Is Pretending He Didn’t Call Christie a ‘Fat Pig’&quot;], ''Intelligencer'' (August 10, 2024)

*Has anyone noticed that Kamala CHEATED at the airport?  There was nobody at the plane, and she ‘A.I.’d’ it, and showed a massive ‘crowd’ of so-called followers, BUT THEY DIDN’T EXIST!
**10 August 2024 cited in [https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2024/08/trump-claims-ai-images-kamala-harris-rallies/679445/ &quot;Trump’s Latest Falsehood Is a Huge Tell&quot;], ''The Atlantic''

*She’s a CHEATER. She had NOBODY waiting, and the ‘crowd’ looked like 10,000 people! Same thing is happening with her fake ‘crowds’ at her speeches. This is the way the Democrats win Elections, by CHEATING ‒ And they’re even worse at the Ballot Box. She should be disqualified because the creation of a fake image is ELECTION INTERFERENCE. Anyone who does that will cheat at ANYTHING!&lt;br&gt;EVERYTHING ABOUT KAMALA IS FAKE!
**12 August 2024, cited in  [https://eu.usatoday.com/story/opinion/columnist/2024/08/12/trump-harris-rally-crowd-ai-conspiracy-theory/74763568007/ &quot;Trump blames Harris' crowds on AI, so let's all assume everything we don't like is fake!&quot;], ''USA Today''

*The worst president in history. And one of the reasons he was so bad, first of all, the Israeli attack would have never happened. Russia would never have attacked Ukraine and we'd have no inflation.  And we wouldn't have had the Afghanistan mess if you think of it.&lt;br&gt;Now she's looking like she wants to be more Trump than Trump if that's possible.She wants to have open borders. And now she's going like she's tough on the border. It's such a lie.
**12 August 2024 in [https://turboscribe.ai/transcript/share/4422534834081521519/HWE18owsC2u8E5u2HpZNikyBdermlV2YSwGlTEPKJJw/donald-trump-and-elon-musk-full-transcript-august-12-2024-https-x-com-i-spaces-1nakepnklwoxl TurboScribe article]

*The ocean is going to rise one-eighth of an inch over the next 400 years.  
**13 August 2024 about sea level rise, which is currently at 4 mm (5/32&quot;) per year with an accelerating trend.  Quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/article/2024/aug/12/trump-elon-musk-interview &quot;Trump revisits most divisive talking points in rambling interview with Musk&quot;], The Guardian

*The biggest threat is nuclear warming.
**13 August 2024 quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/article/2024/aug/12/trump-elon-musk-interview &quot;Trump revisits most divisive talking points in rambling interview with Musk&quot;], The Guardian

*&quot;I said to Vladimir Putin, I said, 'Don't do it. You can't do it, Vladimir, you do it, it's going to be a bad day. You cannot do it.' And I told him things that what I do. And he said, 'No way.' And I said, 'way.' And, you know, it's the last time we ever had the conversation.
**13 August 2024 in [https://www.politico.eu/article/trump-zelenskyy-eu-freewheeling-musk-interview/ Politco article]

*You’re the greatest cutter,...I need an Elon Musk — I need somebody that has a lot of strength and courage and smarts. I want to close up the Department of Education, move education back to the states.
**13 August 2024 in [https://apnews.com/article/donald-trump-elon-musk-x-twitter-livestream-83d6d07fc0ffef4151c96fc56aeec9ee AP News article]

*Iran is no friend of mine, a lot of bad signals get sent.The reason is because I was strong on Iran and I was protecting people in the Middle East that maybe they aren’t so happy about that.
**14 August 2024 per [https://www.politico.com/news/2024/08/14/trump-iran-hack-campaign-00174002 political article]

*Kamala has declared that tackling inflation will be a Day One priority, but Day One for Kamala was 3½ years ago. Why hasn’t she done it? .‌‌.‌‌She's a critic. That's all she is.
**14 August 2024 per [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2024-election/trumps-economy-speech-veers-personal-attacks-harris-biden-rcna166652 NBC News article]

* Can I hang our picture together in Mar-a-Lago?&lt;br&gt;I’VE ALWAYS WANTED TO MEET YOU! Chris, can we take a picture during our all-expenses-paid trip together?  I already have the PERFECT spot picked out in Mar-a-Lago to show it off!
* MEET TRUMP! ENTER TO WIN
**14 August 2024 mass E-mail sent out to a large number of people.  [https://politicalemails.org/messages/1521460 &quot;Can I hang our picture together in Mar-a-Lago?&quot;], PoliticalEmails.com (August 14, 2024) [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zBudZMFvcvY&amp;t=115s &quot;Trump Goes TOTALLY NUTS as his ENTIRE LIFE COLLAPSES&quot;], ''MeidasTouch'' (August 14, 2024)

*Miriam, I watched (Sheldon Adelson, her late husband) sitting so proud in the White House when we gave Miriam the Presidential Medal of Freedom. That’s the highest award you can get as a civilian, it’s the equivalent of the Congressional Medal of Honor, but civilian version. It’s actually much better, because everyone gets the Congressional Medal of Honor – that’s soldiers. They’re either in very bad shape because they’ve been hit so many times by bullets, or they’re dead. She gets it and she’s a healthy, beautiful woman, and they’re rated equal.
**15 August 2024 [https://www.cnn.com/2024/08/16/politics/trump-medal-of-honor/index.html Trump says civilian award is ‘much better’ than Medal of Honor]

* We’re talking about a thing called the economy.&lt;br&gt;We’re doing this as an intellectual speech.&lt;br&gt;We literally are a third world nation, we literally are a third-world nation. We’re a banana republic in so many ways, and we’re not going to let that happen because we’re starting a free fall.&lt;br&gt;For nearly four years Kamala has crackled as the American economy has burned.&lt;br&gt;What happened to her laugh? I haven’t heard that laugh in about a week. That’s why they keep her off the stage, that’s why she has disappeared.&lt;br&gt;That’s the laugh of a crazy person, I will tell you.  She’s crazy.&lt;br&gt;Incompetent socialist lunatic.&lt;br&gt;Kamabla.&lt;br&gt;Rape and murder, rape and beatings, rape and something else, and sometimes just immediate killing. These people are brutal. These are people that came out of the toughest jails anywhere in the world from all over the world, and we can’t take them.
**16 August 2024 per [https://eu.usatoday.com/story/opinion/columnist/2024/08/14/trump-rally-north-carolina-rambling-economy-harris-crime/74798514007/ &quot;Trump's North Carolina speech went predictably off the rails. Can he even spell 'economy'?&quot;], ''USA today''

* I think I’m entitled to personal attacks.&lt;br&gt;Now you’ll say he ranted and raved […] I’m a very calm person, believe it or not.
**16 August 2024 from [https://edition.cnn.com/2024/08/16/politics/trump-fury-harris-switch-campaign-analysis/index.html &quot;Trump’s fury over Harris’ switch with Biden is increasingly driving his campaign&quot;], ''CNN'' 

* She actually called me ‘weird.  And she called JD and I ‘weird.’ He’s not weird, he was a great student at Yale.&lt;br&gt;We have this guy that’s running a failed, really a very failed state who’s had a terrible career.  I mean you have him saying, ‘They’re weird.’ No, he’s a weird guy, and she’s weird in her policy.
**16 August 2024 claim about Vice President of the USA Kamala Harris and Governor of Minnesota Tim Walz, quoted in [https://sg.news.yahoo.com/trump-denies-jd-vance-weird-040509909.html &quot;Trump Denies He And JD Vance Are Weird In The Weirdest Way Possible&quot;], ''Yahoo News / Huffington Post''

*I watched Sheldon sitting so proud in the White House when we gave Miriam the '''Presidential Medal of Freedom'''.&lt;br&gt;That's the highest award you can get as a civilian.&lt;br&gt;'''It's the equivalent of the Congressional Medal of Honor, but civilian''' version.&lt;br&gt;It's actually much better because everyone gets the Congressional Medal of Honor, they're soldiers.&lt;br&gt;They're either in very bad shape because they've been hit so many times by bullets or they are dead.&lt;br&gt;She gets it and she's a healthy, beautiful woman.&lt;br&gt;And they're '''rated equal''', but she got the Presidential Medal of Freedom.
** [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/trump-medal-of-freedom-medal-of-honor/ &quot;Trump says Medal of Freedom &quot;equivalent&quot; to and &quot;much better&quot; than Medal of Honor, sparking backlash from veterans&quot;] ''CBS News'' (August 16, 2024) 

*Kamala will implement SOVIET Style Price Controls.  EVERY American will be taxed up to 80% of their income!&lt;br&gt;If Kamala is elected and implements her Communist Price Caps, there will be famine, starvation, and poverty, the likes of which we have never seen. America will NEVER recover!&lt;br&gt;Kamala Harris wants to raise your taxes and make you pay for free healthcare and free housing in luxury hotels for her millions of illegal aliens.
**16 August 2024 quoted in [https://www.rawstory.com/kamala-harris-vs-trump-2668979250/ &quot;Donald Trump rants that 'famine' will come to America if Kamala Harris is elected&quot;], ''RawStory'' 

*Starting the day I take the oath of office, I will rapidly drive prices down, and we will make America affordable again.
**17 August 2024 At a rally in Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania, quoted in [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/trump-claims-continues-personal-attacks-harris/story?id=112921505 Trump claims he's 'better looking,' continues personal attacks toward Harris] ''ABC News''

*I am much better looking than her.  I’m a better looking person than Kamala.&lt;br&gt;I say that I’m much better looking than her.  I had never heard that one. They said her biggest advantage was that she’s a beautiful-looking woman. Ha. I’d never thought of that.&lt;br&gt;I said, who am I running against, Harris? I said, ‘Who the hell is Harris?'&lt;br&gt;Joe Biden hates her.&lt;br&gt;They will say he’s rambling. I don’t ramble. I’m a really smart guy,
**18 August 2024 per  [https://www.thedailybeast.com/donald-trump-im-better-looking-than-kamala-and-dont-say-i-ramble &quot;Trump: ‘I’m Better Looking than Kamala—and Don’t Say I Ramble’&quot;], ''The Daily Beast''

*You know, he said we’re weird.  That J.D. and I are weird. I think we’re extremely normal people.  We’re like you, we’re exactly like you.&lt;br&gt;He [Tim Walz] is weird.  Did you ever see him go on the stage and go, like, crazy? Between his movement and her laugh, there’s a lot of crazy. I’d say a step further than weird, weird is a nice word by comparison.
**19 August 2024 to a small crowd in York, Pennsylvania, quoted in [https://www.yahoo.com/news/trump-insists-extremely-normal-during-204337061.html &quot;Trump Insists He’s “Extremely Normal” During Incredibly Weird Speech&quot;], ''Yahoo News / The New Republic''

*Prices will come down. You just watch: They’ll come down, and they’ll come down fast, not only with insurance, with everything…. Prices will come down and come down dramatically and come down fast.
**20 August 2024 from a recent speech in Asheville, North Carolina, quoted in [https://www.cnn.com/2024/08/20/business/trump-inflation-prices-deflation/index.html Trump promises to make prices plunge again. That’s a dangerous proposal] ''CNN''

*You can’t walk across the street to get a loaf of bread. You get shot, you get mugged, you get raped, you get whatever it may be.
**21 August 2024 at a rally in Howell, Michigan, quoted in [https://ca.news.yahoo.com/trumps-latest-claim-crime-real-224038664.html &quot;Trump's Latest Claim About Crime Is A Real Doozy&quot;], ''Yahoo News / Huffington Post''

* That was a coup, it was a vicious violent overthrow of a president of the United States.
**20 August 2024 about [[Joe Biden]] pulling out of the 2024 presidential election, quoted in [https://ktrh.iheart.com/featured/houston-texas-news/content/2024-08-20-trump-counters-dnc-with-rally-in-michigan-that-was-a-coup/ &quot;Trump Counters DNC With Rally In Michigan - &quot;That Was A Coup&quot;&quot;], ''KTRH Local Houston and Texas News''

*We have a fool as a president.
**20 August 2024 cited in [https://ktrh.iheart.com/featured/houston-texas-news/content/2024-08-20-trump-counters-dnc-with-rally-in-michigan-that-was-a-coup/ &quot;Trump Counters DNC With Rally In Michigan - &quot;That Was A Coup&quot;&quot;], ''KTRH Local Houston and Texas News''

*I think that women living in the suburbs—I keep hearing about ‘the suburban woman doesn’t like Trump,’ well, I think it’s a fake poll because why wouldn’t they like me? I keep the suburbs safe.
**202 August 2024 during a rally in a garage in Howell, Michigan, quoted in [https://newrepublic.com/post/185085/donald-trump-derails-speech-crime-complain-women &quot;Trump Derails Weird Speech on Crime to Complain Women Hate Him&quot;], ''New Republic''

*We're going to bring up electronics too. Electronics. We buy everything away. When you see the sophistication of the product I just saw at this place, electronics is peanuts.
**20 August 2024 in [https://www.dailykos.com/story/2024/8/19/2264243/-Thanks-Joe-We-won-t-forget-who-was-POTUS-in-2020 &quot;Thanks, Joe. We won't forget who was POTUS in 2020&quot;], ''Daily Kos''

*Our primary focus is not to get out the vote, it is to make sure they don’t cheat. We have all the votes we’ll need. You can see it ... every house along the way has signs: Trump, Trump, Trump, Vance, Trump, Vance.
**20 August 2024 in [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2024-election/trump-says-focus-ensuring-democrats-dont-cheat-not-voter-turnout-rcna167630 &quot;Trump says his focus is ensuring Democrats 'don't cheat,' not voter turnout — echoing efforts to undermine election&quot;], ''NBC News''

*There will be no future under Comrade Kamala Harris, because she will take us into a Nuclear World War III , She will never be respected by the Tyrants of the World!
**23 August 2024 in [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/article/2024/aug/23/trump-reaction-harris-dnc-speech &quot;Harris’s convention speech sparks live rant from outraged Trump&quot;], ''The Guardian''

*My Administration will be great for women and their reproductive rights.
**23 August 2024 [https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/113012083325505976 Truth Social]

*Kamala Harris is the weakest presidential candidate in history on crime.&lt;br&gt;She’s allowed millions of people to pour through our borders, many from prisons, mental institutions and, indeed, terrorists, coming in at levels never seen before.&lt;br&gt;What gives her the right to run for president?&lt;br&gt;She got no votes to Biden’s fourteen million.&lt;br&gt;She failed in her previous attempt, was the first one out of twenty-two people to quit, never made it to Iowa, and now she’s a presidential candidate?&lt;br&gt;This is a '''threat to democracy'''!
** [https://www.rawstory.com/trump-2669023213/ &quot;'What gives her the right to run?' Trump launches overnight tirade at Kamala Harris&quot;], ''RawStory'' (August 24, 2024)

*The truth is, they’re trying to get out of it because she doesn’t want to debate. She’s not a good debater, she’s not a smart person. She doesn’t want to debate.
**26 August 2024 in response to the Harris campaign‘s demand that their September 10th debate occur without muted microphones; in [https://nypost.com/2024/08/26/us-news/harris-campaign-urges-trump-to-take-abc-news-debate-without-muted-microphone/ &quot;Trump says Harris ‘trying to get out of’ debate over unmuted microphones demand&quot;] 

*15 stunning all-new digital trading cards, it's really something.  These cards show me dancing, even holding some BitCoins!
** [https://www.rawstory.com/trump-digital-trading-cards-2669080783/ &quot;Trump revives widely mocked digital trading cards as Harris gains in polls&quot;], ''RawStory'' (August 27, 2024)

*The Harris/Biden administration has been caught fraudulently manipulating job statistics to hide the true extent of the economic ruin that they’ve inflicted on America, Bureau of Labor Statistics shows that the administration padded the numbers with an extra, listen to this one, 818,000 jobs that don’t exist.
**[https://www.poynter.org/fact-checking/2024/job-data-manipulated-fact-check/ &quot;Donald Trump falsely claimed that Joe Biden and Kamala Harris manipulated job data&quot;], ''Poynter'' (August 27, 2024)

* I think to a certain extent it’s Biden’s fault and Harris’s fault. And I’m the opponent. Look, they were weaponizing government against me, they brought in the whole DOJ to try and get me, they weren’t too interested in my health and safety,They’re saying I’m a threat to democracy,They would say that, that was standard line, just keep saying it, and you know that can get assassins or potential assassins going. That’s a terrible thing … Maybe that bullet is because of their rhetoric.
** With &quot;dr Phil&quot; [https://archive.ph/mamCT &quot;Trump, without evidence, in part faults Biden, Harris for assassination attempt&quot;], ''Washington Post'' (August 28, 2024)

*Well, I think the six-week (ban) is too short. It has to be more time. So…and I’ve told them that, I want more weeks. I am going to be voting that we need more than six weeks…. I believe in exceptions for life of the mother, —if you look— incest, rape.
** 29 August 2024 when asked how he was going to vote on the Florida amendment to overturn the six-week ban on abortion; in [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-says-wants-make-ivf-treatments-paid-government-insurance-compani-rcna168804 &quot;Trump says he wants to make IVF treatments paid for by government or insurance companies if elected&quot;]

*I’m announcing today in a major statement that under the Trump administration, your government will pay for — or your insurance company will be mandated to pay for — all costs associated with IVF treatment. Because we want more babies, to put it nicely.
**30 August 2024 in [https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/world/us/we-want-more-babies-trump-promises-free-ivf-treatments-amid-abortion-rights-debate-says-us-government-will-pay-but-how/articleshow/112909996.cms 'We want more babies': Trump promises free IVF treatments amid abortion rights debate, says 'US government will pay' - But how?]

*I’ll be voting ’no’ for that reason&lt;br&gt;“’No’ on (Florida) Amendment 4?”&lt;br&gt;For that reason because it‘s radical. You talk about radical. Doing an abortion in the ninth month is unacceptable to anybody…. There‘s something in between, but the six (weeks) is too short, it‘s just too short a period and the nine months is unacceptable…. But for that reason, for the radicalization on the Democrats side, we‘re voting ’no’.&lt;br&gt;“…Would you veto a federal abortion ban?”&lt;br&gt;I‘m not going to have to think about it because it‘s working out so well right now. The states are doing it. It‘s a states issue…. Well, what‘s happening is you‘re never going to have to do it because it‘s being done by the states. The states are voting. And the people are now getting a chance to vote and this is the way everybody wanted it.
**30 August 2024 when asked about how he would vote on the Florida abortion amendment in the upcoming election in [https://www.foxnews.com/politics/pro-lifers-blast-trump-betrayal-shifting-abortion-stance-answer-florida-amendment-4 Pro-lifers blast Trump 'betrayal' with shifting abortion stance, answer on Florida Amendment 4]

*It’s crazy. Our country is being '''poisoned''', and your schools and your children are suffering greatly because they’re going into the classrooms, they’re taking the seats and they don’t even speak English.
**30 Aug 2024 quoted in [https://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2024/aug/30/our-country-is-being-poisoned-trump-says-as-he-cou/ Washington Times article by Ali Swenson and Will Weissert]

* If you look at Kamala and you look at what she’s done to every place she’s touched has turned to s**t. Every single place she’s touched. I have to say, it. Every place she’s touched, you know?
** [https://www.yahoo.com/news/melania-plea-trump-control-swearing-202341688.html &quot;Melania’s plea for Trump to control his swearing flops as he tears into Harris at rally&quot;], ''Yahoo News / Independent'' (August 31, 2024)

* I don’t need publicity. I get a lot of publicity. I would like to get a lot less publicity.&lt;br&gt;I would hire a public relations agent to get less publicity.
** [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/article/2024/aug/30/trump-pennsylvania-rally-arlington-cemetery-photo-op?utm_source=sdrn%3Avg%3Aarticle%3AJbnA66 &quot;Trump denies exploiting visit to US soldiers’ graves: ‘I don’t need publicity’&quot;], ''The Guardian'' (August 31, 2024)

*Now, they have Kamala who has many deficiencies, but she's a nasty person. The way she treated [[Mike Pence]] was horrible. The way she treats people is horrible.
**31 August 2024 [https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-saying-kamala-harris-was-horrible-mike-pence-mocked-1947392 Donald Trump Saying Kamala Harris Was 'Horrible' to Mike Pence Mocked]

====September 2024====
*you take a look at Venezuela as an example, the crime is down 72% because they've taken their criminals from Caracas, they've taken their drug dealers. They're emptying their prisons into our country
**[https://www.wtae.com/article/kamala-harris-donald-trump-pennsylvania-fact-check/62048503]
** [https://www.factcheck.org/2024/06/crime-drop-in-venezuela-does-not-prove-trumps-claim-the-country-is-sending-criminals-to-u-s/ &quot;Crime Drop in Venezuela Does Not Prove Trump’s Claim the Country Is Sending Criminals to U.S.&quot;], ''FactCheck.org'' (June 14, 2024)

* I think you believe [in God] more, because when you speak to experts, like my sons who are shooting experts. But when you speak to experts, they said there was no chance that he could have missed from that distance....&lt;br&gt;I think you think like, if you believe in God, you believe in God more. And somebody said like, why? And I’d like to think that God thinks that I’m going to straighten out our country. Our country is so sick and it’s so broken. Our country is just broken. And maybe that was the reason, I don’t know. I don’t know, a lot of people have said that.
** Speaking about assassination attempt on July 14, 2024, in interview on Fox News “Life, Liberty &amp; Levin”, quoted in [https://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/4858345-trump-id-like-to-think-that-god-thinks-that-im-going-to-straighten-out-our-country/ &quot;Trump: ‘I’d like to think that God thinks that I’m going to straighten out our country’&quot;], ''The Hill'' [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0RbQ2Gb2AG4 YouTube interview] (September 1, 2024)

*You just cannot let them have a nuclear weapon. But I will say this: If they do have a nuclear weapon, Israel is gone.
** [https://www.iranintl.com/en/202409014919 &quot;Trump says if Iran gets a nuke, 'Israel will be gone'&quot;], ''Iran International'' (September 1, 2024)

* Whoever heard you get indicted for interfering with a presidential election where you have every right to do it?
** [https://www.reuters.com/world/us/trump-says-he-had-every-right-interfere-2020-election-2024-09-02/ &quot;Trump says he had 'every right' to interfere in 2020 election&quot;], ''CNN'' (September 2, 2024)

* You know, I do the weave. You know what the weave is? I’ll talk about like nine different things, and they all come back brilliantly together and it’s like, and friends of mine that are, like, English professors, they say, ‘It’s the most brilliant thing I’ve ever seen.’ But the fake news, you know what they say? ‘He rambled.’
** [https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/critics-call-hilarious-bs-donald-094722633.html &quot;Critics Call Hilarious BS On Donald Trump's New Brag About His Speeches&quot;], ''Yahoo News / Huffington Post'' (September 2, 2024)

* [About Project 2025:] I know nothing about it, and they know that, too. Democrats know that, and I purposely haven't read it because I want to say to you I don't, I have no idea what it's all about.&lt;br&gt;It's easier than saying I read it and you know, all of the things. No, I purposely haven't read it, and I've heard about it.&lt;br&gt;I've heard about things that are in there that I don't like, and there's some things in there that everybody would like, but there are things that I don't like at all.
** [https://www.rawstory.com/trump-project-2025-2669122309/ &quot;Trump says ‘purposefully’ hasn’t read Project 2025 — but everybody would like parts of it&quot;], ''RawStory'' (September 3, 2024)

*But I’ve done well with debates. I became president, and then the second time I got millions more votes than I got the first time. I was told if I got 63 million … you would win. You can’t not win. And I got millions of more votes than that and lost by a whisker but— and look at what happened with the world.
**[https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-lex-fridman-podcast-interview-b2606533.html Trump admits he lost 2020 election ‘by a whisker’ during Lex Fridman podcast], ''Independent'' (September 3, 2024) &quot;[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qCbfTN-caFI Donald Trump Interview - Lex Fridman Podcast #442]&quot; (at 10m51s), Lex Fridman, 3 September 2024.

* I am proud to represent our Failing Nation in fighting the GREATEST POLITICAL WITCH HUNT IN HISTORY.  REMOVE THE GAG ORDER SO THAT I CAN SHOW HOW CORRUPT OUR COURT SYSTEM IS. PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES ARE NOT TO BE GAGGED!
** Claimed about a court order to stop repeatedly intimidating witnesses and attacking family members of a judge in a felony court case, quoted in [https://www.msn.com/en-au/news/other/i-am-proud-to-represent-our-failing-nation-trump-melts-down-in-early-morning-court-rant/ar-AA1pZ1jo &quot;'I am proud to represent our failing nation': Trump melts down in early morning court rant&quot;], ''MSN / Raw Story'' (September 4, 2024)

*I’ve been preparing all my life for this debate.
**Referring to his upcoming September 10th debate with Kamala Harris, in [https://www.wbtw.com/news/washington-dc-news/harris-and-trump-court-voters-ahead-of-first-debate/ Harris and Trump court voters ahead of first debate], ''News13 WBTW'' (September 4, 2024)

* [Asked about what specific legislation Trump would advance to make child care affordable:] Well, I would do that, and we’re sitting down, and I was, somebody, we had Senator Marco Rubio, and my daughter Ivanka was so impactful on that issue. It’s a very important issue. But I think when you talk about the kind of numbers that I’m talking about, that, because, look, child care is child care is. It’s, couldn’t, you know, there’s something, you have to have it. In this country you have to have it.  But when you talk about those numbers compared to the kind of numbers that I’m talking about by taxing foreign nations at levels that they’re not used to — but they’ll get used to it very quickly – and it’s not gonna stop them from doing business with us, but they’ll have a very substantial tax when they send product into our country. Those numbers are so much bigger than any numbers that we’re talking about, including child care, that it’s going to take care.  We’re gonna have — I, I look forward to having no deficits within a fairly short period of time, coupled with the reductions that I told you about on waste and fraud and all of the other things that are going on in our country, because I have to stay with child care. I want to stay with child care, but those numbers are small relative to the kind of economic numbers that I’m talking about, including growth, but growth also headed up by what the plan is that I just, that I just told you about.  We’re gonna be taking in trillions of dollars, and as much as child care is talked about as being expensive, it’s relatively speaking not very expensive compared to the kind of numbers we’ll be taking in. We’re going to make this into an incredible country that can afford to take care of its people, and then we’ll worry about the rest of the world. Let’s help other people. But we’re going to take care of our country first. This is about America first. It’s about Make America Great Again. We have to do it because right now we’re a failing nation, so we’ll take care of it.
** [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-childcare-economy-speech-b2607970.html &quot;Trump tried to explain how he plans to make childcare more affordable. It was a word salad&quot;], ''Independent'' (September 6, 2024)&lt;!--Quoted by several other sources, such as ''All In with Chris Hayes'', https://www.rawstory.com/trump-decline/, see video here: https://www.c-span.org/video/?538141-1/fmr-pres-trump-remarks-economic-club-york--&gt;

* But the transgender thing is incredible. Think of it. Your kid goes to school and comes home a few days later with an operation. The school decides what's going to happen with your child. And you know, many of these childs [sic] 15 years later say, 'What the hell happened? Who did this to me?' They say, 'Who did this to me?' It's incredible.
** [https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/trump-schools-transgender-surgeries/ &quot;Trump's Claim That Children Received Gender-Affirming Surgeries at School Is False&quot;], ''Snopes'' (September 5, 2024)

* As the first order of business, this commission will develop an action plan to totally eliminate fraud and improper payments within six months, saving trillions of dollars
** [https://www.nytimes.com/2024/09/06/technology/elon-musk-donald-trump-influence.html How Elon Musk Is Influencing Donald Trump], ''New York Times'' (September 6, 2024)

* [On the likelihood of him sexually abusing a woman in 1979:] She said I was making out with her and then I grabbed her in a certain part. Think of the impracticality of this. I'm famous in a plane, people are coming into the plane and I grab a woman - what are the chances of that happening? Frankly, I know you're going to say it's a terrible thing to say but it couldn't have happened, it didn't happen because she would not have been the chosen one.
**[https://www.the-express.com/news/politics/147957/donald-trump-e-jean-carroll-court-appeal Trump declares E. Jean Carroll 'not the chosen one' in bizarre rant following court appeal], ''Daily Express US'' [https://youtube.com/watch?v=mFdzWJXPYbo Trump mocks his sexual assault accuser: ‘She would not have been the chosen one’], MSNBC YouTube (September 6, 2024)

*I am the Peace President, and only I will stop World War III!
**[https://www.mediaite.com/trump/trump-loses-it-on-the-cheneys-after-they-endorse-harris-irrelevant-rino-along-with-his-daughter/ Trump Loses It on the Cheneys After They Endorse Harris: ‘Irrelevant RINO, Along with His Daughter!’] ''Mediaite'' [https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/113093196894480530] (September 6, 2024)

* I better win, I better win, or you're going to have problems like we've never had.  We may have no country left. It may be our last election.
** [https://www.foxnews.com/politics/trump-claims-israel-gone-two-years-harris-elected-president-video &quot;Trump claims Israel will be 'gone' within two years if Harris is elected president: video&quot;], ''Fox News'' (September 7, 2024)

*WHEN I WIN, those people that CHEATED will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the Law, which will include long term prison sentences so that this Depravity of Justice does not happen again.&lt;br&gt;Please beware that this legal exposure extends to Lawyers, Political Operatives, Donors, Illegal Voters, &amp; Corrupt Election Officials. Those involved in unscrupulous behavior will be sought out, caught, and prosecuted at levels, unfortunately, never seen before in our Country.
**[https://www.pbs.org/newshour/politics/trump-threatens-long-prison-sentences-for-those-who-cheat-in-the-election-if-he-wins Trump threatens long prison sentences for those who ‘cheat’ in the election if he wins], ''PBS News'' (September 8, 2024)

*The moment we win, we will rapidly review the cases of every political prisoner unjustly victimized by the Harris regime, and I will sign their pardons on day one. With your vote this election, their lying, cheating, thieving, hoaxing, and plotting will come to an end. We got to stop the cheating. If we stop that cheating, if we don't let them cheat, I don't even have to campaign anymore. We're going to win by so much.
**At a rally in Wisconsin on Saturday, [https://transcripts.cnn.com/show/cnc/date/2024-09-09/segment/07 CNN News Central Transcripts] (September 9, 2024)

* Can you imagine you’re a parent and your son leaves the house and you say, ‘Jimmy, I love you so much. Go have a good day in school’ and your son comes back with a brutal operation.  Can you even imagine this? What the hell is wrong with our country?
** [https://uk.news.yahoo.com/trump-falsely-claims-children-being-195728811.html &quot;Trump falsely claims children being forced into gender transition ops at school in rambling fantasy-filled rally speech&quot;], ''Yahoo News / Independent'' (September 9, 2024)

* I HATE TAYLOR SWIFT!
** [https://www.cnbc.com/2024/09/15/trump-says-i-hate-taylor-swift-after-pop-star-endorses-kamala-harris.html &quot;Trump says ‘I hate Taylor Swift’ after pop star endorses Kamala Harris&quot;], ''CNBC'' (September  15, 2024)

* Latin music superstar Nicky Jam. Do you know Nicky? She’s hot. 
** Claimed about the singer after he endorsed Trump, quoted in [https://eu.usatoday.com/story/entertainment/music/2024/09/15/donald-trump-nicky-jam-las-vegas-rally/75237185007/ &quot;Donald Trump misgenders reggaeton star Nicky Jam at rally: 'She's hot'&quot;], ''USA Today'' (September 16, 2024)

*We have to call it Covid. What the hell does Covid mean. The China virus. A lot of people think they did that because they were not happy with me as president.
**[https://www.the-express.com/news/politics/148953/trump Trump pushes theory that 'China created Covid-19 because they didn't like his presidency'] (September 17, 2024)

*I don't know what happened. With the bomb threats. I know that it's been taken over by illegal migrants, and that's a terrible thing that happened. Springfield was this beautiful town, and now they're going through hell.
**[https://www.pbs.org/newshour/show/how-life-in-springfield-has-been-disrupted-by-lies-about-its-haitian-community How life in Springfield has been disrupted by lies about its Haitian community], ''PBS News'' (17 September, 2024)

* We have Bagram in Alaska.
** [https://alaskabeacon.com/briefs/at-town-hall-trump-mixes-up-alaska-and-afghanistan-with-confusing-remarks-on-oil/ &quot;At town hall, Trump mixes up Alaska and Afghanistan with confusing remarks on oil&quot;] ''Alaska Beacon'' (September 18, 2024)

* Nobody can draw crowds like me... I’m the greatest of all time.  Maybe greater even than Elvis. Elvis had a guitar, I don’t have a guitar. I don’t have the privilege of a guitar.
** [https://www.msn.com/en-au/news/other/donald-trump-boasts-he-is-greater-than-elvis/ar-AA1qPeXs &quot;Donald Trump boasts he is ‘greater than Elvis’&quot;], ''MSN'' (September 19, 2024)

*She doesn’t like doing interviews. And she’s not knowledgeable about economy and various things, and I think it would be a problem. But you know what? [Biden] was pretty much gone. They said, 'Joe, it’s over. You're getting out.' And they put her in, and she somehow — a woman — somehow she's doing better than he did. But I can't imagine it can last.
**During an appearance on Fox News’ ''Gutfeld!'', [https://www.yahoo.com/news/donald-trump-seemed-surprised-kamala-200648284.html Donald Trump Just Made An Eyebrow-Raising Observation About Kamala Harris], ''Yahoo News'' (September 19, 2024)

* This is Martin Luther King on steroids.  I told that to Mark. I said, 'I think you're better than Martin Luther King. I think you are Martin Luther King times two.'
** Said about candidate for North Carolina governor [[Mark Robinson (American politician)|Mark Robinson]], quoted in [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/robinson-expected-attend-trumps-north-carolina-rally-amid/story?id=113873656 &quot;Robinson not expected to attend Trump's North Carolina rally amid scandal: Sources&quot;], ''ABC News'' (September 21, 2024)

* Anybody that thinks crime is going down is a serious brain problem.
** [https://www.scrippsnews.com/us-news/crime/murder-other-violent-crime-rates-dropped-across-us-last-year-new-fbi-data-shows &quot;Murder, other violent crime rates dropped across US last year, new FBI data shows&quot;], ''Scripps News'' (September 23, 2024)

* She had the other interview with the other guy who was a nice guy I think from Philadelphia from Pennsylvania, he was a nice guy, he was asking her all these (scrambles words) – the daily take – they don’t take like I do! Anybody wants to go, go what the hell differences they make – they have – and how dishonest was ABC.
* I'm cognitively very strong.
** [https://au.news.yahoo.com/trump-teased-over-rambling-word-120404261.html &quot;Trump teased over rambling ‘word salad’ at rally as he insists he is 'cognitively very strong'&quot;], ''Yahoo News / The Independent'' (September 24, 2024)

* If any senior doesn't vote for Trump, we're gonna have to send you to a psychiatrist to have your head examined.
** [https://www.mediaite.com/trump/trump-tells-another-group-of-voters-to-have-your-head-examined/ &quot;Trump Tells ANOTHER Group of Voters to 'Have Your Head Examined'&quot;], ''Mediaite'' (September 25, 2024)

* Has there EVER been a WORSE HOST than Jimmy Kimmel at The Oscars. His opening was that of a less than average person trying too hard to be something which he is not, and never can be.
* I said, ‘He’s one of the dumbest human beings ever.’ He should have listened to his wife. What a dope.
** [https://www.thewrap.com/jimmy-kimmel-live-trump-dumbest-human-being-response/ &quot;Jimmy Kimmel Claps Back at Trump Calling Him ‘One of the Dumbest Human Beings Ever’: ‘He’s Confusing Me With One of His Sons’&quot;] ''The Wrap'' (September 25, 2024)

*If I were the president, I would inform the threatening country, in this case, Iran, that if you do anything to harm this person, we are going to blow your largest cities and the country itself to smithereens. We're going to blow it to smithereens. There would be no more threats.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/International/trump-lashes-iran-security-officials-warn-rise-foreign/story?id=114086967 &quot;Trump suggests Iran tied to assassination attempts, issues blunt warning&quot;], ''ABC News'' (September 26, 2024)

*It has been determined that Google has illegally used a system of only revealing and displaying bad stories about Donald J Trump, some made up for this purpose while, at the same time, only revealing good stories about Comrade Kamala Harris. This is an ILLEGAL ACTIVITY, and hopefully the Justice Department will criminally prosecute them for this blatant Interference of Elections. If not, and subject to the Laws of our Country, I will request their prosecution, when I win the Election and become President of the United States.
**From a post on ''Truth Social'', cited in [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2024/sep/27/trump-google-threat-criminal-charges Trump vows to seek criminal charges against Google if re-elected president], ''The Guardian'' (September 28, 2024)
*Crooked Joe Biden became mentally impaired, Sad. But lying Kamala Harris, honestly, I believe she was born that way. There’s something wrong with Kamala. And I just don’t know what it is but there is definitely something missing. And you know what, everybody knows it.
**[https://www.ctvnews.ca/world/trump-says-there-s-something-wrong-with-harris-and-that-she-s-mentally-impaired-1.7056321 &quot;Trump says there's 'something wrong' with Harris and that she's 'mentally impaired'] ''CTV News / Associated Press'' (September 29, 2024)

====1st Debate with Kamala Harris (September 10, 2024)====

*&lt;i&gt;in response to Kamala Harris bringing up Project 2025:&lt;/I&gt;&lt;Br&gt;…she knows better than anyone, I have nothing to do with Project 2025. That's out there. I haven't read it. I don't want to read it, purposely. I'm not going to read it. This was a group of people that got together, they came up with some ideas. I guess some good, some bad. But it makes no difference. I have nothing to do -- everybody knows I'm an open book. Everybody knows what I'm going to do. Cut taxes very substantially. And create a great economy like I did before.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;regarding inflation during the Biden presidency:&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;&lt;b&gt;I had no inflation,&lt;/b&gt; virtually no inflation, they had the highest inflation, perhaps in the history of our country because I've never seen a worse period of time. &lt;b&gt;People can't go out and buy cereal bacon or eggs or anything else.&lt;/b&gt; These the people of our country are absolutely dying with what they've done. They've destroyed the economy and all you have to do it look at a poll. The polls say 80 and 85 and even 90% that the Trump economy was great that their economy was terrible.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*We hardly make chips anymore because of philosophies like they have and policies like they have. I don't say her because she has no policy. Everything that she believed three years ago and four years ago is out the window. She's going to my philosophy now. In fact, I was going to send her a MAGA hat. She's gone to my philosophy. But if she ever got elected, she'd change it. And it will be the end of our country. &lt;b&gt;She's a Marxist. Everybody knows she's a Marxist.&lt;/b&gt;
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*But when you look at what she's done to our country and when you look at these &lt;b&gt;millions and millions of people that are pouring into our country monthly&lt;/b&gt; where it's I believe 21 million people, not the 15 that people say, and I think it's a lot higher than the 21. That's bigger than New York state. Pouring in. And just look at what they're doing to our country. They're criminals. Many of these people coming in are criminals. And that's bad for our economy too.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;LINSEY DAVIS: …Vice President Harris says that women shouldn't trust you on the issue of abortion because you've changed your position so many times. Therefore, why should they trust you?&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;Well, the reason I'm doing that vote [voting “no” on the Florida abortion ban] is because the plan is, as you know, the vote is, they have abortion in the ninth month. They even have, and you can look at the governor of West Virginia, the previous governor of West Virginia, not the current governor, who's doing an excellent job, but the governor before. He said the baby will be born and we will decide what to do with the baby. In other words, we'll execute the baby.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*But her vice presidential pick [Tim Walz] says abortion in the ninth month is absolutely fine. &lt;b&gt;He also says execution after birth, it's execution, no longer abortion, because the baby is born, is okay.&lt;/b&gt; And that's not okay with me. Hence the vote. But what I did is something for 52 years they've been trying to get Roe v. Wade into the states.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*And now states are voting on it. And for the first time you're going to see -- look, this is an issue that's torn our country apart for 52 years. Every legal scholar, every Democrat, every Republican, liberal, conservative, they all wanted this issue to be brought back to the states where the people could vote. And that's what happened, happened.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;KAMALA HARRIS: …But understand, if Donald Trump were to be re-elected, he will sign a national abortion ban….&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;I’m not signing a ban. And there's no reason to sign a ban. Because we've gotten what everybody wanted. Democrats, Republicans and everybody else and every legal scholar wanted it to be brought back into the states. And the states are voting. And it may take a little time, but for 52 years this issue has torn our country apart. And they've wanted it back in the states. And I did something that nobody thought was possible. The states are now voting. What she says is an absolute lie. And as far as the abortion ban, no, I'm not in favor of abortion ban. But it doesn't matter because this issue has now been taken over by the states.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;KAMALA HARRIS: …You will see during the course of his rallies he talks about fictional characters like Hannibal Lecter. He will talk about windmills cause cancer. And what you will also notice is that people start leaving his rallies early out of exhaustion and boredom….&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;First let me respond as to the rallies. She said people start leaving. &lt;b&gt;People don't go to her rallies.&lt;/b&gt; There's no reason to go. And the people that do go, &lt;b&gt;she's busing them in and paying them to be there.&lt;/b&gt; And then showing them in a different light. So, she can't talk about that. People don't leave my rallies. &lt;b&gt;We have the biggest rallies, the most incredible rallies in the history of politics.&lt;/b&gt; That's because people want to take their country back. Our country is being lost. &lt;b&gt;We're a failing nation.  And it happened three and a half years ago.&lt;/b&gt; And what, what's going on here, &lt;b&gt;you're going to end up in World War 3,&lt;/b&gt; just to go into another subject. What they have done to our country by allowing these millions and millions of people to come into our country. And look at what's happening to the towns all over the United States. And a lot of towns don't want to talk -- not going to be Aurora or Springfield. A lot of towns don't want to talk about it because they're so embarrassed by it. &lt;b&gt;In Springfield, they're eating the dogs. The people that came in. They're eating the cats. They're eating -- they're eating the pets of the people that live there.&lt;/b&gt; And this is what's happening in our country. And it's a shame….&lt;br&gt;&lt;I&gt;DAVID MUIR: I just want to clarify here, you bring up Springfield, Ohio. And ABC News did reach out to the city manager there. He told us there have been no credible reports of specific claims of pets being harmed, injured or abused by individuals within the immigrant community --&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;&lt;b&gt;Well, I've seen people on television&lt;/b&gt;&lt;br&gt;&lt;i&gt;DAVID MUIR: Let me just say here this ...&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;&lt;b&gt;The people on television say my dog was taken and used for food.&lt;/b&gt; So maybe he said that and maybe that's a good thing to say for a city manager.&lt;br&gt;&lt;i&gt;DAVID MUIR: I'm not taking this from television. I'm taking it from the city manager.&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;&lt;b&gt;But the people on television say their dog was eaten by the people that went there.&lt;/b&gt;&lt;br&gt;&lt;i&gt;DAVID MUIR: Again, the Springfield city manager says there's no evidence of that.&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;*&lt;b&gt;We'll find out.&lt;/b&gt;
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*But just to finish, I got more votes than any Republican in history by far. In fact, I got more votes than any president, sitting president in history by far.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;DAVID MUIR: You also said you would use local police. How would you deport 11 million undocumented immigrants? I know you believe that number is much higher….&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt; Yeah. It is much higher because of them. They allowed criminals. Many, many, millions of criminals. They allowed terrorists. They allowed common street criminals. They allowed people to come in, drug dealers, to come into our country, and they're now in the United States. And told by their countries like Venezuela don't ever come back or we're going to kill you. Do you know that crime in Venezuela and crime in countries all over the world is way down? You know why? Because they've taken their criminals off the street and they've given them to her to put into our country. And this will be one of the greatest mistakes in history for them to allow -- and I think they probably did it because they think they're going to get votes. But it's not worth it. Because they're destroying the fabric of our country by what they've done. There's never been anything done like this at all. They've destroyed the fabric of our country. Millions of people let in. And all over the world crime is down. All over the world except here. Crime here is up and through the roof. Despite their fraudulent statements that they made. Crime in this country is through the roof. And we have a new form of crime. It's called migrant crime. And it's happening at levels that nobody thought possible.&lt;br&gt;&lt;i&gt;DAVID MUIR: President Trump, as you know, the FBI says overall violent crime is actually coming down in this country, but Vice President the...&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;Excuse me, the FBI -- they were defrauding statements. They didn't include the worst cities. They didn't include the cities with the worst crime. It was a fraud. Just like their number of 818,000 jobs that they said they created turned out to be a fraud.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;Responding to Harris listing the criminal cases against Trump:&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;Excuse me. Every one of those cases was started by them against their political opponent. And I'm winning most of them and I'll win the rest on appeal. And you saw that with the decision that came down just recently from the Supreme Court. I'm winning most of them. But those are cases, it's called weaponization. Never happened in this country. They weaponized the justice department. Every one of those cases was involved with the DOJ, from Atlanta and Fani Willis -- to the attorney general of New York and the D.A. In New York. Every one of those cases. And then they say oh, he was -- he's a criminal. They're the ones that made them go after me. By the way, Joe Biden was found essentially guilty on the documents case. And what happened in my documents case? They said oh, that's the toughest of them all. A complete and total victory. Two months ago it was thrown out. It's weaponization. And they used it. And it's never happened in this country. They used it to try and win an election. They're fake cases….&lt;br&gt;…This is the one that weaponized. Not me. She weaponized. I probably took a bullet to the head because of the things that they say about me. They talk about democracy. I'm a threat to democracy. They're the threat to democracy – With the fake Russia Russia Russia investigation that went nowhere.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;Responding to Harris‘ statement that he inherited $400 million:&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;Well, first of all, I wasn't given $400 million. I wish I was. My father was a Brooklyn builder. Brooklyn, Queens. And a great father and I learned a lot from him. But I was given a fraction of that, a tiny fraction, and I built it into many, many billions of dollars. Many, many billions. And when people see it, they are even surprised. So, we don't have to talk about that.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*She went out -- she went out in Minnesota and wanted to let criminals that killed people, that burned down Minneapolis, she went out and raised money to get them out of jail. She did things that nobody would ever think of. Now she wants to do transgender operations on illegal aliens that are in prison. This is a radical left liberal that would do this. She wants to confiscate your guns and she will never allow fracking in Pennsylvania. If she won the election, fracking in Pennsylvania will end on day one.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*Because &lt;b&gt;the prices of energy were quadrupling and doubling.&lt;/b&gt; You saw what happened to gasoline. So, they said let’s go back to Trump. But if she won the election, the day after that election, they’ll go back to destroying our country and oil will be dead, fossil fuel will be dead. We’ll go back to windmills and we’ll go back to solar, where they need a whole desert to get some energy to come out. You ever see a solar plant? By the way, I’m a big fan of solar. But they take 400, 500 acres of desert soil— These are not good things for the environment that she understands.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;DAVID MUIR: You were the president. You were watching [the January 6th attack on the U.S. Capitol] unfold on television. It’s a very simple question as we move forward toward another election. Is there anything you regret about what you did on that day? Yes or no.&lt;br&gt;&lt;/i&gt;I had nothing to do with that other than they asked me to make a speech. I showed up for a speech. I said, I think it’s going to be big. I went to Nancy Pelosi and the mayor of Washington, D.C. And the mayor put it back in writing, as you know. I said, you know, this is going to be a very big rally or whatever you want to call it. And again, it wasn’t done by me. It was done by others. I said I’d like to give you 10,000 National Guard or soldiers. They rejected me. Nancy Pelosi rejected me. It was just two weeks ago, her daughter has a tape of her saying she is fully responsible for what happened. They want to get rid of that tape. It would have never happened if Nancy Pelosi and the mayor of Washington did their jobs. &lt;b&gt;I wasn’t responsible for security. Nancy Pelosi was responsible. She didn’t do her job.&lt;/b&gt;
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;DAVID MUIR: Are you now acknowledging that you lost in 2020?&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;No, I don’t acknowledge that at all.&lt;br&gt;&lt;i&gt;DAVID MUIR: But you did say that.&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;I said that sarcastically. You know that. It was said, oh we lost by a whisker. That was said sarcastically. Look, there’s so much proof. All you have to do is look at it. And they should have sent it back to the legislatures for approval. I got almost 75 million votes. The most votes any sitting president has ever gotten. I was told if I got 63, which was what I got in 2016, you can’t be beaten. The election, people should never be thinking about an election as fraudulent. We need two things. We need walls. We need — and we have to have it. We have to have borders. And we have to have good elections.&lt;br&gt;Our elections are bad. And a lot of these illegal immigrants coming in, they’re trying to get them to vote. They can’t even speak English. They don’t even know what country they’re in practically. And these people are trying to get them to vote. And that’s why they’re allowing them to come into our country.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;DAVID MUIR: And [many judges] said there was no widespread [election] fraud.&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt; No judge looked at it. They said we didn’t have standing. That’s the other thing. They said we didn’t have standing. A technicality. Can you imagine a system where a person in an election doesn’t have standing, the President of the United States doesn’t have standing? That’s how we lost. If you look at the facts, and I’d love to have you — you’ll do a special on it. I’ll show you Georgia and I’ll show you Wisconsin and I’ll show you Pennsylvania and I’ll show you — we have so many facts and statistics. But you know what? That doesn’t matter. Because we have to solve the problem that we have right now. That’s old news. And the problem that we have right now is we have a nation in decline and they have put it into decline. We have a nation that is dying, David
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;KAMALA HARRIS: …And world leaders are laughing at Donald Trump. I have talked with military leaders, some of whom worked with you. And they say you’re a disgrace….&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;&lt;i&gt;DAVID MUIR: I’ll give you one minute to respond, Mr. President.&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;Let me just tell you about world leaders. Viktor Orban, one of the most respected men — they call him a strong man. He’s a tough person. Smart. Prime Minister of Hungary. They said why is the whole world blowing up? Three years ago it wasn’t. Why is it blowing up? He said because you need Trump back as president. They were afraid of him. China was afraid. And I don’t like to use the word afraid but I’m just quoting him. China was afraid of him. North Korea was afraid of him. Look at what’s going on with North Korea, by the way. He said Russia was afraid of him….&lt;br&gt;Look, Viktor Orban said it. He said the most respected, most feared person is Donald Trump. We had no problems when Trump was president. But when this weak pathetic man that you saw at a debate just a few months ago that if he weren’t in that debate he’d be running instead of her, she got no votes, he got 14 million votes, what you did, you talk about a threat to democracy. He got 14 million votes [in the primaries] and they threw him out of office. And you know what? I’ll give you a little secret. He hates her. He can’t stand her…. But he had 14 million votes. They threw them out. She got zero votes. And when she ran, she was the first one to leave because she failed. And now she’s running. I don’t understand it but I’m okay with it – because I think we’re going to do pretty well.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;LINSEY DAVIS: President Trump, how would you negotiate with Netanyahu and also Hamas in order to get the hostages out and prevent the killing of more innocent civilians in Gaza?&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;If I were president it would have never started. If I were president Russia would have never, ever -- I know Putin very well. He would have never -- and there was no threat of it either, by the way, for four years. Have gone into Ukraine and killed millions of people when you add it up.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*She hates Israel. &lt;b&gt;If she's president, I believe that Israel will not exist within two years from now. And I've been pretty good at predictions.&lt;/b&gt; And I hope I'm wrong about that one. She hates Israel. At the same time in her own way she hates the Arab population because the whole place is going to get blown up, Arabs, Jewish people, Israel. Israel will be gone. It would have never happened. Iran was broke under Donald Trump. Now Iran has $300 billion because they took off all the sanctions that I had. Iran had no money for Hamas or Hezbollah or any of the 28 different spheres of terror. 
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*And I'll get the war with Ukraine and Russia ended. If I'm President-Elect, I'll get it done before even becoming president.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;KAMALA HARRIS: …It is well known that he said of Putin that he can do whatever the hell he wants and go into Ukraine. It is well known when that he said when Russia went into Ukraine it was brilliant….&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;They're the ones -- and she's the one that caused it, that's weak on national security by allowing every nation last month for the year, 168 different countries sending people into our country. Their crime rates are way down. Putin endorsed her last week. Said I hope she wins. And I think he meant it. Because what he's gotten away with is absolutely incredible. It wouldn't have happened with me.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;DAVID MUIR: …You have said you would solve this war [in Ukraine] in 24 hours. How exactly would you do that? And I want to ask you a very simple question tonight. Do you want Ukraine to win this war?&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;I want to get the war settled. I know Zelenskyy very well and I know Putin very well. I have a good relationship. And they respect your president. Okay? They respect me. They don't respect Biden….&lt;br&gt;If I win, when I'm President-Elect, and what I'll do is I'll speak to one, I'll speak to the other, I'll get them together. That war would have never happened. And in fact when I saw Putin after I left, unfortunately left because our country has gone to hell, but after I left when I saw him building up soldiers, he did it after I left, I said oh, he must be negotiating. It must be a good strong point of negotiation. Well, it wasn't because Biden had no idea how to talk to him. He had no idea how to stop it. And now you have millions of people dead and it's only getting worse and it could lead to World War 3. Don't kid yourself, David. We're playing with World War 3. 
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*And we have a president that we don't even know if he's -- where is our president? We don't even know if he's a president.&lt;br&gt;&lt;i&gt;DAVID MUIR: And just to clarify here.&lt;/I&gt;&lt;br&gt;They threw him out of a campaign like a dog. We don't even know, is he our president? But we have a president…&lt;br&gt;&lt;i&gt;DAVID MUIR: Mr. President,--&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;…that doesn't know he's alive.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;KAMALA HARRIS: …If Donald Trump were president, Putin would be sitting in Kyiv right now….&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;Putin would be sitting in Moscow and he wouldn't have lost 300,000 men and women. But he would have been sitting in Moscow… But eventually, you know, he's got a thing that other people don't have. &lt;b&gt;He's got nuclear weapons. They don't ever talk about that. He's got nuclear weapons. Nobody ever thinks about that.&lt;/b&gt; And eventually uh maybe he'll use them. Maybe he hasn't been that threatening. But he does have that. Something we don't even like to talk about.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*And that's the kind of talent we have with her. She's worse than Biden. In my opinion, I think he's the worst president in the history of our country. She goes down as the worst vice president in the history of our country. But let me tell you something. She is a horrible negotiator. They sent her in to negotiate. As soon as they left Putin did the invasion.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;KAMALA HARRIS: [Regarding a peace deal Trump negotiated to end the Afghan War:] He bypassed the Afghan government. He negotiated directly with a terrorist organization called the Taliban. The negotiation involved the Taliban getting 5,000 terrorists, Taliban terrorists released.&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;So if you take a look at that period of time, the Taliban was killing our soldiers, a lot of them, with snipers. And I got involved with the Taliban because the Taliban was doing the killing. That's the fighting force within Afghanistan. They don't bother doing that because you know, they deal with the wrong people all the time. But I got involved. And Abdul is the head of the Taliban. He is still the head of the Taliban. And I told Abdul don't do it anymore, you do it anymore you're going to have problems. And he said why do you send me a picture of my house? I said you're going to have to figure that out, Abdul. And for 18 months we had nobody killed. We did have an agreement negotiated by Mike Pompeo. It was a very good agreement. The reason it was good, it was -- we were getting out. We would have been out faster than them, but we wouldn't have lost the soldiers. We wouldn't have left many Americans behind. And we wouldn't have left -- we wouldn't have left $85 billion worth of brand new beautiful military equipment behind. And just to finish, they blew it. The agreement said you have to do this, this, this, this, this, and they didn't do it. They didn't do it. The agreement was, was terminated by us because they didn't do what they were supposed to do.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;DAVID MUIR: …Why do you believe it's appropriate to weigh in on the racial identity of your opponent?&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;I don't. And I don't care. I don't care what she is. I don't care. You make a big deal out of something. I couldn't care less. Whatever she wants to be is okay with me.&lt;br&gt;&lt;i&gt;DAVID MUIR: But those were your words. So, I'm asking --&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;I don't know. I don't know. All I can say is I read where she was not Black, that she put out. And, I'll say that. And then I read that she was black. And that's okay. Either one was okay with me. That's up to her. That's up to her.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;KAMALA HARRIS: …Let's remember, this is the same individual who took out a full-page ad in The New York Times calling for the execution of five young Black and Latino boys who were innocent, the Central Park Five. Took out a full-page ad calling for their execution….&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;This is the most divisive presidency in the history of our country. There's never been anything like it. They're destroying our country. And they come up with things like what she just said going back many, many years when a lot of people including Mayor Bloomberg agreed with me on the Central Park Five. They admitted -- they said, they pled guilty. And I said, well, if they pled guilty they badly hurt a person, killed a person ultimately. And if they pled guilty -- then they pled we're not guilty.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;b&gt;I built one of the greatest economies in the history of the world and I'm going to build it again.&lt;/b&gt; It's going to be bigger, better and stronger. But they're destroying our economy. They have no idea what a good economy is. Their oil policies -- every single policy -- and remember this. She is Biden. She's trying to get away from Biden. I don't know the gentleman, she says. She is Biden. The worst inflation we've ever had. A horrible economy because inflation has made it so bad and she can't get away with that.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*She is destroying our country. She has a plan to defund the police. She has a plan to confiscate everybody's gun. She has a plan to not allow fracking in Pennsylvania or anywhere else. That's what her plan is until just recently.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;LINSEY DAVIS: …So tonight, nine years after you first started running, do you have a [healthcare] plan and can you tell us what it is?&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;Obamacare was lousy health care. Always was. It's not very good today. And what I said, that if we come up with something, we are working on things, we're going to do it and we're going to replace it…. And what we will do is we're looking at different plans. If we can come up with a plan that's going to cost our people, our population less money and be better health care than Obamacare, then I would absolutely do it. But until then I'd run it as good as it can be run.&lt;br&gt;&lt;i&gt;LINSEY DAVIS: So just a yes or no, you still do not have a plan?&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;I have concepts of a plan. I'm not president right now. But if we come up with something I would only change it if we come up with something better and less expensive. And there are concepts and options we have to do that. And you'll be hearing about it in the not-too-distant future.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;Closing Statement:&lt;/i&gt;&lt;br&gt;…We're a failing nation. We're a nation that's in serious decline. We're being laughed at all over the world. All over the world, they laugh, I know the leaders very well. They're coming to see me. They call me. We're laughed at all over the world. They don't understand what happened to us as a nation. We're not a leader. We don't have any idea what's going on. We have wars going on in the Middle East. We have wars going on with Russia and Ukraine. We're going to end up in a third World War. And it will be a war like no other because of nuclear weapons, the power of weaponry. I rebuilt our entire military. She gave a lot of it away to the Taliban. She gave it to Afghanistan. What these people have done to our country, and maybe toughest of all is allowing millions of people to come into our country, many of them are criminals, and they're destroying our country. The worst president, the worst vice president in the history of our country.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/harris-trump-presidential-debate-transcript/story?id=113560542 Harris-Trump presidential debate transcript], ''ABC News'' (September 10, 2024)

*It was 3 on 1, but they were mentally challenged people, against one person of extraordinary genius.
**[https://www.mediaite.com/politics/abc-fake-news-trump-rages-network-under-investigation-after-debate-3-mentally-challenged-people-on-1-extraordinary-genius/]

*They didn't correct her [Harris] once and they corrected me. Everything I said, practically, I think 9 times or 11 times. And the audience was absolutely, they went crazy. And the real, I thought, I walked off and I said, 'that was a great debate, I loved it.'
**Regarding the debate audience (which there wasn‘t one), [https://www.newsweek.com/trump-praises-nonexistent-debate-crowd-they-went-crazy-1956251 Donald Trump's Debate Crowd Comment Sparks Confusion: 'They Went Crazy'], ''Newsweek'' (September 19, 2024)

==== October 2024 ====
* We do a lot of these beautiful rallies, and it's so great.  We never have an empty seat, never have. Look at it.
** [https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-rally-videos-empty-seats-1966810 &quot;Donald Trump Rally Videos Show Hundreds of Empty Seats&quot;], ''Newsweek'' (October 10, 2024)

*We have two enemies: We have the outside enemy, and then we have the enemy from within. And the enemy from within, in my opinion, is more dangerous than China, Russia and all these countries… But the thing that's tougher to handle are these lunatics that we have inside, like Adam Schiff — Adam 'Shifty' Schiff… I call him the enemy from within. When you look at the danger he put our country in potentially with Russia — with a phony, made-up deal that he made up with Hillary and some bad people.
** [https://www.foxnews.com/media/former-president-trump-calls-enemy-within-more-dangerous-any-foreign-entity Former President Trump calls the 'enemy from within' more dangerous than any foreign entity] ''FoxNews'' (October 13, 2024)

*So we’re gonna take care of it, you and me. I’ll tell you, if everything works out and everybody gets out on January 5th, or before. You know, it used to be, you’d have a date. Today, you can vote two months before, probably three months after. They don’t know what the hell they’re doing. But we’re gonna straighten it all out. We’re gonna straighten that out, too. We’re gonna straighten out our election process, too. That’s gotta be important also.
**[https://www.mediaite.com/politics/whoops-trump-tells-supporters-to-get-out-and-vote-on-january-5th/ Whoops! Trump Tells Supporters to Get Out and Vote on ‘January 5th’] ''Mediaite'' (October 14, 2024)

*Let’s not do any more questions. Let’s just listen to music. Let’s make it into a music. Who the hell wants to hear questions, right?
**[https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/ar-AA1sha0E Trump sways and bops to music for 39 minutes in bizarre town hall episode] ''The Washington Post'' (October 14, 2024)

*To me, the most beautiful word in the dictionary is tariff, and it’s my favorite word. It needs a public relations firm.
**[https://www.bloomberg.com/news/newsletters/2024-10-15/in-trump-s-economic-plan-tariff-is-the-most-beautiful-word In Trump’s Economic Plan, Tariff Is ‘the Most Beautiful Word’] ‘’Bloomberg News’’ (October 15, 2024)

* I’m the father of IVF.
** [https://edition.cnn.com/2024/10/16/politics/fact-check-trump-false-claims-fox-townhall/index.html &quot;Fact check: Trump makes at least 19 false claims in one-hour Fox town hall with women&quot;], ''CNN'' (October 16, 2024)

* [[w:Ashli Babbitt | Ashli Babbitt]] was killed, nobody was killed.
** Claimed about the [[2021 United States Capitol attack| January 6, 2020 United States Capitol attack]].  Quoted in [https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-univision-town-hall-hispanic-voters-audience-reaction-1970402 &quot;Univision Audience Reaction to Donald Trump Answer in Town Hall Goes Viral&quot;], ''Newsweek'' (October 17, 2024)

*Very importantly, you had hundreds of thousands of people come to Washington [on January 6th]. They didn’t come because of me. They came because of the election. They thought the election was a rigged election and that’s why they came. Some of those people went down to the Capitol, I said, peacefully and patriotically, nothing done wrong at all. Nothing done wrong. And action was taken, strong action. Ashli Babbitt was killed. Nobody was killed. There were no guns down there. We didn’t have guns. The others had guns, but we didn’t have guns. And when I say “we” these are people that walk down, this was a tiny percentage of the overall, which nobody sees and nobody shows.&lt;br&gt;But that was a day of love from the standpoint of the millions, it’s like hundreds of thousands. It could have been the largest group I’ve ever spoken before. They asked me to speak. I went and I spoke and I used the term peacefully and patriotically. If you look at the Democrats, what they say, you look at Maxine Waters, and you look at Hillary Clinton and you look at what they say and they don’t put that on. They only put Republicans on, but they couldn’t get me because of the fact that I said, everything’s got to be peaceful and patriotic and we’ll see how it all works out.
**In response to a question about why a voter should support Trump after his role on January 6th [https://www.rev.com/blog/transcripts/trump-town-hall-on-univision Trump Town Hall on Univision] (October 17, 2024)

*Kamala should be investigated and forced off the Campaign, and Joe Biden allowed to take back his rightful place (He got 14 Million Primary Votes, she got none!). THIS WHOLE SORDID AND FRAUDULENT EVENT IS A THREAT TO DEMOCRACY!
**As it appeared on Truth Social, reported in [https://www.mediaite.com/politics/trump-melts-down-in-wild-post-claiming-kamala-harris-should-be-investigated-and-biden-should-be-his-opponent-again/ Trump Melts Down In Wild Post Claiming Kamala Harris ‘Should Be Investigated’ And Biden Should Be His Opponent Again] Mediaite (October 17, 2024)

* We have another former New York City mayor with us. Frankly, easily the worst in our history. And it's not [[Michael Bloomberg|Michael]], that I can tell you. I'm surprised that [[Bill de Blasio|Bill de Blasio]] was actually able to make it tonight, to be honest. He was a terrible mayor. I don't give a shit if this is comedy or not. He was a terrible mayor. He did a horrible job. That's not comedy, by the way. That's fact.
** Al Smith dinner (October 17, 2024)

* If we go with Kamala, you won’t have any cows anymore.&lt;br&gt;They want to do things like no more cows and no windows in buildings.
** [https://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/4941581-trump-says-no-cows-under-harris/ &quot;Trump tells child there will be no cows under Harris&quot;], ''The Hill'' (October 18, 2024)

*&lt;i&gt;Howard Kurtz:&lt;/i&gt; But when you said, you know, it's gone viral, they're eating the dogs, they're eating the cats. But why not say now, well, look, that turned out not to be true.&lt;br&gt;&lt;i&gt;Trump:&lt;/i&gt; I don't know if it's true or not true.&lt;br&gt;&lt;i&gt;Kurtz:&lt;/i&gt; You don't know if it's true or not true. It's been debunked by the officials.&lt;br&gt;&lt;i&gt;Trump:&lt;/i&gt; What about the goose? The geese? They're all missing. It was one guy with two geese. I have no idea. I said something. The big problem is that you can't put 30,000 people into a 50,000-person town or city and expect this city to even survive or do well. What they've done to Springfield, Ohio, is very, very unfair. And I mean, there are a lot of stories. There are a lot of other stories that I've heard that are horrible stories... Don't don't, you know, blame me.&lt;br&gt;&lt;i&gt;Kurtz:&lt;/i&gt; Well, I think it's been debunked by local officials.&lt;br&gt;&lt;i&gt;Trump:&lt;/i&gt; I don't think it's been debunked at all. I think nobody talks about it except you.
*If radical left lunatics disrupt the election, it should be very easily handled by — if necessary, by National Guard, or if really necessary, by the military.
**Interview with Fox New host Howard Kurtz in [https://www.rawstory.com/trump-haitians-debunked/ 'It's been debunked': Fox News host fact checks Trump to his face on Springfield Haitians] ''RawStory'' (October 20, 2024) [https://whyy.org/articles/trump-election-2024-kamala-harris-elizabeth-cheney-threat-civil-liberties/]

*Comrade Kamala Harris sees that she is losing, and losing badly, especially after stealing the Race from Crooked Joe Biden, so now she is increasingly raising her rhetoric, going so far as to call me Adolf Hitler, and anything else that comes to her warped mind. She is a Threat to Democracy
**[https://nitter.poast.org/realDonaldTrump/status/1849272632237056163#m]

*I NEED THE KIND OF GENERALS THAT HITLER HAD
**[https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2024/10/trump-military-generals-hitler/680327/]
*When Kamala came in, she dismantled our border and threw open the gates to an invasion of criminal migrants. We're a dumping ground. We're like a garbage can for the world. That's what's happened. That's what's happened to our ... We're like a garbage can
**[https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-ripped-saying-america-garbage-can-1974727]

*He’d take all the candy away very quickly. She wouldn’t have any idea what happened. It would be like a grand chess master playing a beginner. We would lose our country or be in World War III,because she’d get exasperated. She’s in no way able to handle him. He’s a fierce individual.
**[https://nypost.com/2024/10/24/us-news/trump-says-iranian-regime-wouldnt-have-to-end-if-he-were-president-suggests-peace-could-be-close/?utm_source=twitter&amp;utm_medium=social&amp;utm_campaign=nypost]
*Now we have income taxes, and we have people that are dying. They're paying tax, and they don't have the money to pay the tax. In the old days … we had so much money, they had to set up committees, blue-ribbon committees, [on] how to spend our wealth. We had no idea how to spend it with so much money. Then we went to the income tax system and the rest is sort of history. But no, there is a way
**[https://www.foxnews.com/media/trump-tells-bronx-barbershop-what-he-would-do-differently-elected-second-time-its-all-about-people]

*And my people told me about four weeks ago, I was saying, ‘No, I want to protect the people. I want to protect the women of our country. I want to protect the women.’&lt;br&gt;“‘Sir, please don’t say that.’&lt;br&gt;“They said, ‘We think it’s, it’s very inappropriate for you to say.’&lt;br&gt;“I pay these guys a lot of money. Can you believe it? Well, I’m going to do it whether the women like it or not. I’m going to protect them.
**[https://www.huffpost.com/entry/donald-trump-protect-women-green-bay-rally_n_6722f2d1e4b02f5ab1d23299 Trump Says He Will Protect Women ‘Whether The Women Like It Or Not’] ''HuffPost'' (October 30, 2024)

*She's a radical war hawk. Let's put her with a rifle standing there, with nine barrels shooting at her, okay? Let's see how she feels about it, you know, when the guns are trained on her face.
**Referring to [[Liz Cheney]], reported in [https://www.reuters.com/world/us/trump-suggests-liz-cheney-should-face-firing-squad-her-foreign-policy-stance-2024-11-01/ Arizona prosecutor investigating Trump for saying Cheney should face gunfire] ''Reuters'' (October 31, 2024)

==== November 2024 ====

*I could’ve been anywhere I wanted to be. I could’ve had those waves smacking me in the face. That white, beautiful white skin that I have would be nice and tan. I got the whitest skin ’cause I never have time to go out in the sun. But I have that beautiful white, and you know what? It could’ve been beautiful, tanned, beautiful.
**[https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/trump-boasts-he-has-beautiful-white-skin-right-after-slamming-kamala-harris/ar-AA1tmtNv Trump Boasts He Has ‘Beautiful White Skin’ Right After Slamming Kamala Harris] ''MSN'' (November 2, 2024)

*I shouldn’t have left. I mean, honestly, because we did so, we did so well.
**[https://www.cnn.com/2024/11/03/politics/trump-dark-closing-message/index.html Trump says he ‘shouldn’t have left’ the White House as he closes campaign with increasingly dark message] ''CNN'' (November 3, 2024)

* In many cases, our allies are worse than our so-called enemies.
** Claimed about allied NATO members and Russia, quoted in [https://tvpworld.com/83295959/us-elections-trump-calls-allies-worse-than-enemies &quot;Trump claims US is being exploited by allies, calls them ‘worse than enemies’&quot;], ''TVP World'' (November 3, 2024)

*Now I want to take this opportunity to give you some advice. Over the course of your life, you will find that things are not always fair, you will find that things happen to you that you do not deserve, and that are not always warranted, but you have to put your head down, and FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! Never ever ever give up, things will work out just fine. Look at the way I've been treated lately, especially by the media. No politician in history, and I say this is great surety, has been treated worse, more unfairly. You can't let them get you down, you can't let the critics, and the naysayers get in the way of your dream. I guess that's why I won, thank you. I guess that's why we won. Adversity makes you stronger, don't give in, don't back down, and never stop doing what you know is right. Nothing worth doing, ever ever ever came easy, and the more righteous you fight, the more opposition that you will face. I've accomplished a tremendous amount, in a very short time as president.
**Speech (November 6, 2024){{fact}}

*Any Republican Senator seeking the coveted LEADERSHIP position in the United States Senate must agree to Recess Appointments (in the Senate!), without which we will not be able to get people confirmed in a timely manner. Sometimes the votes can take two years, or more. This is what they did four years ago, and we cannot let it happen again. We need positions filled IMMEDIATELY!
**[https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/congress/trump-senate-majority-candidates-recess-appointments-rcna179515 Trump declares Senate majority candidates should allow him to make recess appointments] ''NBC News'' (November 10, 2024)

==== December 2024 ====

* I spoke to over 100 countries. You wouldn’t believe how many countries there are.
** 16 December 2024, [https://www.politico.com/news/2024/12/16/trump-defamation-polio-001230 Politico] and [https://edition.cnn.com/2024/12/17/politics/trump-honeymoon-analysis/index.html CNN]

===2025===

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|&lt;div id=&quot;articlecount&quot; style=&quot;width:100%; text-align:center; font-size:105%;&quot;&gt; 20 January 2025 [[File:Seal of the President of the United States.svg|20px]] - Donald Trump's 2nd presidency began&lt;/div&gt;
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{{main|Second presidency of Donald Trump}}
====January 2025====
*I’d like Egypt to take people. You're talking about probably a million and a half people, and we just clean out that whole thing and say, 'You know, it's over.’
**Regarding what to do with the Palestinian refugees currently on the Gaza Strip, quoted in [https://www.npr.org/2025/01/26/g-s1-44831/trump-jordan-egypt-accept-more-refugees-just-clean-out-gaza Trump wants Jordan and Egypt to accept more refugees to 'just clean out' Gaza] ''NPR'' (January 26, 2025)

*Because I have common sense, OK, and unfortunately a lot of people don't.
**When asked how he could come to the conclusion that FAA diversity policies had something to do with the fatal air disaster at Reagan Washington National Airport, quoted in [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/trump-evidence-appears-blame-faa-diversity-initiatives-factor/story?id=118272015 Trump goes on offensive against FAA diversity initiatives during DC crash briefing, prompts fierce backlash] ''ABC News'' (January 30, 2025)

====February 2025====
[[File:Trump - Long Live the King.jpg|thumb|Manhattan, and all of New York, is SAVED. LONG LIVE THE KING!]]

*He who saves his Country does not violate any Law
**15 February 2025 on [https://x.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1890831570535055759 X tweet] and ''Truth Social'', quoted in [https://www.the-independent.com/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-napoleon-saves-country-quote-rod-steiger-b2699102.html Trump suggests he’s above the law with ominous Napoleon quote] ''Independent'' (February 16, 2025)
**A reference to a maxim attributed to [[Napoleon]] by [[Honoré de Balzac]], &quot;Who saves his country violates no law&quot; (&quot;Celui qui sauve sa patrie ne viole aucune loi&quot;).

*The 14th Amendment Right of American Citizenship never had anything to do with modern day &quot;gate crashers,&quot; illegal immigrants who break the Law by being in our Country, it had everything to do with giving Citizenship to former slaves.
**16 February 2025 [https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/114014567906020636 post on TruthSocial], quoted same day by [https://nypost.com/2025/02/16/us-news/president-trump-sparks-meltdown-for-sharing-napoleon-quote/ Ryan King of New York Post] and [https://www.newsnationnow.com/politics/trump-14th-amendment-slaves-not-migrants/ Patrick Djordjevic of News Nation Now]

*It’s called the Gulf of America now. It’s not called the Gulf of Mexico any longer. I have the right to do it. We are going to keep them out until such time that they agree it is the Gulf of America.
**Referring to AP reporters being banned from the White House, referenced in [https://deadline.com/2025/02/trump-ap-gulf-of-mexico-1236294031/ Donald Trump Says White House Will Prohibit Associated Press From Events Until They Agree To Rename Gulf Of Mexico] ''Deadline'' (February 18, 2025)

* I had an approval rating today of 71 and another one of 69.  I have not heard of those numbers before.
** [https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/maddowblog/trump-generously-makes-approval-rating-defying-reality-rcna193139 &quot;Trump generously makes up an approval rating for himself, defying reality&quot;] ''MSNBC'' (February 21, 2025)

====March 2025====
*Wow, that's beautiful. This is a different panel than I've ever — '''everything's computer!'''
**When inspecting a Tesla Model S at the White House; quoted from [https://www.businessinsider.com/donald-trump-tesla-model-s-review-everythings-computer-2025-3 Donald Trump reviews Tesla Model S: 'Everything's computer'] ''Business Insider''  (Mar 11, 2025)

====April 2025====
*I call it a lot of different names, but it's really, in a sense, it's a rebirth of a country because how we could have afforded to do what we did, we helped everybody and they don't help us. The term I like best probably is the liberation of America.&lt;br&gt;It's a liberation of this country because it's incredible. Look, we have 36 trillion in debt for a reason and that accumulates over a long period of time. What you're going to be seeing over the next couple of days will be very inspiring to a lot of people.
**Regarding the round of tariffs expected to be enforced on most imported goods beginning April 2nd as referenced in [https://www.tribuneindia.com/news/united-states/trump-says-india-will-substantially-cut-tariffs-signals-major-us-tariff-moves/ &quot;Trump says India will 'substantially' cut tariffs, signals major US tariff moves&quot;] ''The Tribune'' (April 1, 2025)

*We are going to be very nice, relatively speaking. We are going to be very kind....&lt;br&gt;Somebody said that about me the other day, who doesn’t know me very well. They said — ‘You are such a kind person’ and I said, ‘Say that again.’ They said, ‘You are a kind person.’ I said, ‘I’ve never heard that before.’
**Speaking on the severity of the tariffs as reported in [https://www.cnn.com/2025/04/01/politics/trump-tariffs-liberation-day-oval-office/index.html Trump has the world on edge as he mulls fateful tariffs decades in the making] ''CNN'' (April 1, 2025)[https://www.huffpost.com/entry/stephen-colbert-trump-weird-confession_n_67ece159e4b048fde6fe94e3]

*THE OPERATION IS OVER! THE PATIENT LIVED, AND IS HEALING. THE PROGNOSIS IS THAT THE PATIENT WILL BE FAR STRONGER, BIGGER, BETTER, AND MORE RESILIENT THAN EVER BEFORE. MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!
**Posted on Truth Social following the implementation of sweeping tariffs as reported in [https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/world/us/us-and-world/the-operation-is-over-the-patient-lived-donald-trump-after-shaking-global-economies-with-us-tariffs/articleshow/119949495.cms ‘The operation is over, the patient lived’: Donald Trump after shaking global economies with US tariffs] ''The Times of India'' (April 3, 2025)

*I think it's going very well. It was an operation, like when a patient gets operated on and it's a big thing. I said this would exactly be the way it is....&lt;br&gt;The markets are going to boom, the stock is going to boom, the country is going to boom, and the rest of the world wants to see is there any way they can make a deal. They've taken advantage of us for many, many years. For many years we've been at the wrong side of the ball. And I'll tell you what, I think it's going to be unbelievable.
**When asked how things were going after a drop in the stock market the first day after Trump's tariff announcement as reported in [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/trust-president-trump-white-house-defending-tariffs-amid/story?id=120449641 Trump says ‘it’s going very well’ after tariffs roil markets] ''ABC News'' (April 3, 2025)

*TO THE MANY INVESTORS COMING INTO THE UNITED STATES AND INVESTING MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF MONEY, MY POLICIES WILL NEVER CHANGE. THIS IS A GREAT TIME TO GET RICH, RICHER THAN EVER BEFORE!!!
**Posted on ''Truth Social'' following the announcement of his worldwide tariffs policy and the resulting sharp sell-off in the stock market a day later as reported in [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025/apr/04/trump-tariffs-truth-social Trump insists he won’t back down from global trade war as markets slump] ''The Guardian'' (April 4, 2025)

*...We are bringing back jobs and businesses like never before. Already, more than FIVE TRILLION DOLLARS OF INVESTMENT, and rising fast! THIS IS AN ECONOMIC REVOLUTION, AND WE WILL WIN. HANG TOUGH, it won’t be easy, but the end result will be historic. We will, MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!!!
**[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/114285375813275308 Truth Social] (April 5, 2025)

*It's the only chance we're going to have to reset the table on trade, and when we do, we're going to come out unbelievably well. We're going to have a strong country economically again and we're going to have those factories that are empty all over the United States.
**Indicating there would be no change of course regarding tariff plan, reported in [https://abc7chicago.com/post/donald-trump-tariff-formula-team-cites-chicago-economist-brent-neimans-work-he-says-math-doesnt-check/16141896/ Trump tariff team cites Chicago economist's work, but he says their math doesn't check out] ''ABC7 Chicago'' (April 7, 2025)

*We’re dealing with them directly and maybe a deal is going to be made. Doing a deal would be preferable to doing the obvious.&lt;br&gt;Iran is going to be in great danger, and I hate to say it…. Iran cannot have a nuclear weapon, and if the talks aren’t successful, I think it’s going to be a very bad day for Iran.
**Referring to upcoming talks with Iran about their nuclear capability, taken from [https://time.com/7275589/trump-iran-nuclear-program-talk/ Trump Says U.S. Will Have Direct Talks With Iran About Nuclear Program] ''TIME'' (April 7, 2025)[https://www.express.co.uk/news/world/2038962/us-could-be-bombing-iran]

* There can be permanent tariffs and there can also be negotiations, because there are things that we need beyond tariffs. '''We need open borders.'''[https://www.yahoo.com/news/cognitive-decline-trump-calls-open-202617475.html]

*I thought that people were jumping a little bit out of line. They were getting yippy. You know, they were getting a little bit yippy, a little bit afraid…. Over the last few days it looked pretty glum… You have to be flexible. You have to be able to show a little flexibility. And I'm able to do that.
**Reasons given for pausing his tariff plan for 90 days for all countries except China, reported in [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/trump-explains-dramatic-reversal-tariffs-people-bit-afraid/story?id=120651386 Trump explains dramatic reversal on tariffs: People getting 'a little bit afraid'] ''ABC News'' (April 9.2025)

*I’m not asking for much ... but they can't have a nuclear weapon.&lt;br&gt;If it requires military, we're going to have military. Israel will, obviously, be ... the leader of that. No one leads us. We do what we want.&lt;br&gt;I don't want to be specific. But when you start talks, you know if they're going along well or not. And I would say the conclusion would be when I think they're not going along well.
**[https://www.usnews.com/news/world/articles/2025-04-09/trump-repeats-threat-to-use-military-force-if-iran-does-not-agree-to-nuclear-deal Trump Repeats Threat to Use Military Force if Iran Does Not Agree to Nuclear Deal] ''US News'' (April 9, 2025)

*In my case, I like to take a nice shower, take care of my beautiful hair.... I have to stand under the shower for 15 minutes until it gets wet. It comes out drip, drip, drip. It’s ridiculous.
**While signing an executive order repealing limits to the flow of water to bathroom showers, taken from [https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2025/4/10/make-showers-great-again-why-trumps-fighting-bathroom-water-pressure ‘Make showers great again’: Why Trump’s fighting bathroom water pressure] ''Al Jazeera'' (April 10, 2025)

*China wants to make a deal. They just don't know how quite to go about it. You know, it's one of those things they don't know quite. They're proud people and President Xi's a proud man. I know him very well. And they don't know quite how to go about it, but they'll figure it out.
**Indicating he is waiting for China to call him regarding the recently imposed tariffs, reported in [https://www.pbs.org/weta/washingtonweek/video/2025/04/washington-week-with-the-atlantic-full-episode-41125 Washington Week with The Atlantic full episode, 4/11/25] ''Washington Week'' (April 11, 2025)[https://www.cnn.com/2025/04/10/politics/trump-xi-china-tariffs/index.html]

*Homegrown criminals next. I said homegrowns are next, the homegrowns. You gotta build about five more [prisons]…. [The notorious Salvadoran mega-prison] is not big enough… If it's a homegrown criminal, I have no problem. Now we're studying the laws right now, Pam [Bondi] is studying. If we can do that, that's good…. And I'm talking about violent people. I'm talking about really bad people. Really bad people. Every bit as bad as the ones coming in.
**Speaking to El Salvador's President Nayib Bukele, referring to US citizens accused of crimes being the next ones sent to Salvadoran prisons, reported in [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/homegrowns-trump-doubles-sending-convicted-us-citizens-foreign/story?id=120802863 'Homegrowns are next': Trump doubles down on sending American 'criminals' to foreign prisons] ''ABC News'' (April 14, 2025)

* Everyone knows that Harvard has “lost its way.”
* Harvard has been hiring almost all woke, Radical Left, idiots and ‘birdbrains’ who are only capable of teaching FAILURE to students and so-called ‘future leaders
* Harvard can no longer be considered even a decent place of learning, and should not be considered on any list of the World’s Great Universities or Colleges. Harvard is a JOKE, teaches Hate and Stupidity, and should no longer receive Federal Funds. 
** [https://www.thefire.org/news/revoking-harvards-tax-exempt-status-will-threaten-all-nonprofits &quot;Revoking Harvard’s tax-exempt status will threaten all nonprofits&quot;], ''The Fire'' (April 18, 2025)

* As you know, the cost of eggs has come down like 93, 94% since we took office.
** [https://edition.cnn.com/2025/04/23/politics/price-of-eggs-gas-trump-fact-check/index.html &quot;Fact check: Trump lies about the price of eggs, groceries and gas&quot;], ''CNN'' (April 23, 2025)

*I am not happy with the Russian strikes on KYIV. Not necessary, and very bad timing. Vladimir, STOP!
**Taken from ''Truth Social'' as reported in [https://abcnews.go.com/International/russia-launches-massive-deadly-strike-kyiv-ukrainian-authorities/story?id=121113739 'Vladimir, STOP!' Trump says to Putin after deadliest Russian strike on Kyiv in months] ''ABC News'' (April 24, 2025)

*The first time, I had two things to do—run the country and survive; I had all these crooked guys. And the second time, I run the country and the world.”
**In response to what felt different about his second term compared to the first, quoted in [https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2025/06/trump-second-term-comeback/682573/ ‘I RUN THE COUNTRY AND THE WORLD’ Donald Trump believes he’s invincible. But the cracks are beginning to show] ''The Atlantic'' (April 28, 2025)

* Great Pollster John McLaughlin, one of the most highly respected in the industry, has just stated that The Failing New York Times Poll, and the ABC/Washington Post Poll, about a person named DONALD J. TRUMP, ME, are FAKE POLLS FROM FAKE NEWS ORGANIZATIONS. The New York Times has only 37% Trump 2024 voters, and the ABC/Washington Post Poll has only 34% Trump Voters, unheard of numbers unless looking for a negative result, which they are. These people should be investigated for ELECTION FRAUD, and add in the FoxNews Pollster while you’re at it. They are Negative Criminals who apologize to their subscribers and readers after I WIN ELECTIONS BIG, much bigger than their polls showed I would win, loose a lot of credibility, and then go on cheating and lying for the next cycle, only worse. They suffer from Trump Derangement Syndrome, and there is nothing that anyone, or anything, can do about it. THEY ARE SICK, almost only write negative stories about me no matter how well I am doing (99.9% at the Border, BEST NUMBER EVER!), AND ARE TRULY THE ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE! I wish them well, but will continue to fight to, MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!
** [https://www.axios.com/2025/04/28/trump-approval-ratings-slams-polls-truth-social &quot;Trump lashes out against &quot;fake polls&quot; as his approval ratings sink&quot;], ''Axios'' (April 28, 2025)

* I am the candidate of peace.
** [https://www.theguardian.com/world/2025/apr/28/us-escalation-yemen-civilian-casualties &quot;Trump promised peace but brings rapid increase in civilian casualties to Yemen&quot;] ''The Guardian'' (April 28, 2025)

[[File:Pope Trump AI by Donald Trump.png|thumb|I'd like to be [[pope]]. That would be my number one choice.]]
* I'd like to be pope. That would be my number one choice. No — I don't know, I have no preference. I must say we have a cardinal that happens to be out of a place called New York who's very good.
** Response to being asked after the death of [[Pope Francis]] who he would like to be the next Pope (29 April 2025); as quoted in [https://www.npr.org/2025/05/04/nx-s1-5386516/catholic-leaders-criticize-trump-ai-pope-photo?utm_term=nprnews&amp;utm_campaign=npr&amp;utm_medium=social&amp;utm_source=facebook.com &quot;Catholic leaders criticize Trump for posting apparent AI photo of himself as the pope&quot;, ''NPR'' (4 May 2025)]

*PRESIDENT TRUMP: (Referring to a photo of what was tattooed on Abrego Garcia's knuckles:) M-S-1-3 -- It says M-S-one-three.&lt;br&gt;INTERVIEWER TERRY MORAN: I -- that was Photoshop….&lt;br&gt;PRESIDENT TRUMP: That was Photoshop?… Do you want me to show the picture?&lt;br&gt;TERRY MORAN: I saw the picture. We'll agree to disagree --&lt;br&gt;PRESIDENT TRUMP: Oh, and you think it was Photoshop…. Go look at his hand. He had MS-13 --&lt;br&gt;TERRY MORAN: Fair enough, he did have tattoos that can be interpreted that way. I'm not an expert on them….&lt;br&gt;PRESIDENT TRUMP: Terry, no, no. No, no. He had MS as clear as you can be. Not &quot;interpreted.&quot; This is why people no longer believe the news, because it's fake news.&lt;br&gt;TERRY MORAN: ...When he was photographed in El Salvador, they aren't there…. Take a look at the photograph —&lt;br&gt;PRESIDENT TRUMP: But they're there now, right?… But they're there now?&lt;br&gt;TERRY MORAN: They're in your picture.&lt;br&gt;PRESIDENT TRUMP: Terry He's got MS-13 on his knuckles…. you do such a disservice —&lt;br&gt;TERRY MORAN: We'll take a look. We'll take a look at that, sir —&lt;br&gt;PRESIDENT TRUMP: Why don't you just say, &quot;Yes, he does,&quot; and, you know, go on to something else --
**[https://abcnews.go.com/US/full-transcript-trumps-exclusive-100-days-broadcast-interview/story?id=121291672 FULL TRANSCRIPT: Trump's exclusive 100 days broadcast interview with ABC News] ''ABC News'' (April 29, 2025)[https://www.yahoo.com/news/fact-check-trumps-photo-abrego-001600628.html]

*Everybody's gonna be just fine. It wouldn't have been if I didn't do this. I had a choice. I could leave it, have a nice, easy time. But I think ultimately you would've had an implosion. Our country had inflation that was worse than they've ever had it before.&lt;br&gt;You don't mention that. Why don't you mention that? We had the worst inflation probably in the history of our country. People say 48 years, probably in the history of our country we had the worst inflation. And people were dying over the inflation. You know that. Now the grocery prices are coming down. The energy prices are coming down. Gasoline's coming down. It's all heading in the right direction.
**In response to a question over the concern about the effect of the tariffs, taken from [https://abcnews.go.com/US/full-transcript-trumps-exclusive-100-days-broadcast-interview/story?id=121291672 FULL TRANSCRIPT: Trump's exclusive 100 days broadcast interview with ABC News] ''ABC News'' (April 29, 2025)

*We're going to have something that you won't even believe. We will end inflation, slash prices. We've already ended inflation, raise wages, and give you the greatest economy in the history of the world.
**[https://uk.news.yahoo.com/trump-teases-biggest-bill-ever-021733041.html Trump Teases 'Biggest Bill Ever Passed' and 'Military Supremacy' During Anniversary Rally] ''Yahoo! News'' (April 29, 2025)

*This is Biden’s Stock Market, not Trump’s… I didn’t take over until January 20th. Tariffs will soon start kicking in, and companies are starting to move into the USA in record numbers…. Our Country will boom, but we have to get rid of the Biden 'Overhang. This will take a while, has NOTHING TO DO WITH TARIFFS, only that he left us with bad numbers, but when the boom begins, it will be like no other. BE PATIENT!!!
**From Truth Social reported in [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-pins-stock-market-struggles-biden-weeks-taking-credit-rcna203702 Trump puts market struggles on Biden as economy shrinks under his watch] ''NBC News'' (April 30, 2025)

*You probably saw some numbers today, and I have to start off by saying that’s Biden — that’s not Trump — because we came in on January. We came in and I was very against everything that Biden was doing in terms of the economy. … We took over his mess in so many different ways.&lt;br&gt;I’m not taking credit or discredit for the stock market. I’m just saying we inherited a mess…. We came in on Jan. 20, so this is Biden. And you can even say the next quarter is, sort of, Biden, because it doesn’t just happen on a daily or an hourly basis, but we’re turning it around. It’s a big ship to turn around.
**In remarks during a meeting with his Cabinet, reported in [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-pins-stock-market-struggles-biden-weeks-taking-credit-rcna203702 Trump puts market struggles on Biden as economy shrinks under his watch] ''NBC News'' (April 30, 2025)

*You know, somebody said, ‘Oh, the shelves are going to be open.’ Well, maybe the children will have two dolls instead of 30 dolls. So maybe the two dolls will cost a couple bucks more than they would normally.
**More remarks during his Cabinet meeting, reported in [https://apnews.com/article/trump-economy-tariffs-gdp-7494825851dcef94ec81475124f9326f Trump says US kids may get ‘2 dolls instead of 30,’ but China will suffer more in a trade war] 'AP News' (April 30, 2025)

===== Liberation Day tariff announcements (2 April 2025) ===== 
Announced from the Rose Garden at the White House:[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/trumps-liberation-day-arrives-gambles-big-risky-tariff/story?id=120382209] [https://nypost.com/2025/04/02/us-news/trump-slaps-at-least-10-tariffs-on-all-imports-in-declaration-of-economic-independence-half-of-what-they-could-be] [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/donald-trump-tariffs-great-depression-fdr-b2726461.html][https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E6uFW0gHwXU][https://singjupost.com/transcript-of-president-trump-remarks-at-liberation-day-event-april-2-2025/?singlepage=1]
*My fellow Americans, this is Liberation Day… April 2nd, 2025, will forever be remembered as the day American industry was reborn, the day America's destiny was reclaimed and the day that we began to make America wealthy again.
*For decades, our country has been looted, pillaged, raped and plundered by nations near and far, both friend and foe alike.
* Taxpayers have been ripped off for more than 50 years, but it is not going to happen anymore.
*This is one of the most important days, in my opinion, in American history. It’s our declaration of economic independence. …now it’s our turn to prosper and in so doing use trillions and trillions of dollars to reduce our taxes and pay down our national debt and it will all happen very quickly. With today’s action we are finally going to be able to make America great again, greater than ever before.
*Jobs and factories will come roaring back into our country, and you see it happening already. We will supercharge our domestic industrial base. We will pry open foreign markets and break down foreign trade barriers. And ultimately, more production at home will mean stronger competition and lower prices for consumers. This will be indeed the golden age of America. It’s coming back and we’re going to come back very strongly.
*From 1789 to 1913, we were a tariff-backed nation and the United States was proportionately the wealthiest it has ever been. So wealthy, in fact, that in the 1880s, they established a commission to decide what they were going to do with the vast sums of money they were collecting….&lt;br&gt;Then in 1913, for reasons unknown to mankind, they established the income tax so that citizens rather than foreign countries would start paying the money necessary to run our government. Then in 1929, it all came to a very abrupt end with the Great Depression, and it would have never happened if they had stayed with the tariff policy. It would have been a much different story.&lt;br&gt;They tried to bring back tariffs to save our country, but it was gone. It was gone. It was too late. Nothing could have been done. It took years and years to get out of that depression, far longer than even FDR had that office right over there for a long period of time.
*We will charge them approximately half of what they are and have been charging us because we are being very kind. This is not full reciprocal. This is kind reciprocal.
*In short, chronic trade deficits are no longer merely an economic problem. They're a national emergency that threatens our security and our very way of life. It's a very great threat to our country. 
*These tariffs are going to give us growth like you haven’t seen before. And it’ll be something very special to watch.

====May 2025====
[[File:AI Donald Trump Star Wars.jpg|thumb|You’re not [[w:Rebel Alliance|the Rebellion]] — you’re [[w:Galactic Empire (Star Wars)|the Empire]].]]

*They all hated me in my first term, and now they’re kissing my ass.
**Trump bragging about how tech moguls have warmed up to him, reported in [https://apnews.com/article/trump-alabama-commencement-address-protests-6bcea5b4058c819c26a8135b41d73dd1 Trump offers advice to University of Alabama graduates in speech interspersed with politics] 'AP News' (May 1, 2025)

* The courts are trying to stop me from doing the job that I was elected to do. 
** [https://edition.cnn.com/2025/05/02/politics/ketanji-brown-jackson-trump-judges &quot;Politico: Ketanji Brown Jackson warns Trump’s rhetoric against judges are ‘attacks on our democracy’&quot;] ''CNN'' (May 2, 2025)

* [[w:Star Wars Day|Happy May the 4th]] to all, including the Radical Left Lunatics who are fighting so hard to to bring [[w:Sith|Sith Lords]], Murderers, Drug Lords, Dangerous Prisoners, &amp; well known MS-13 Gang Members, back into our Galaxy. You’re not [[w:Rebel Alliance|the Rebellion]] — you’re [[w:Galactic Empire (Star Wars)|the Empire]]. &lt;br /&gt; May the 4th be with you.
** [https://x.com/WhiteHouse/status/1919053040734072844 Star Wars Day message on the Official WhiteHouse X account (4 May 2025)], accompanied by an AI generated image of Trump with a body-builder physique, wielding a [[w:Lightsaber|red lightsaber]] (which in [[Star Wars]] lore is emblematic of the often deceitful and profoundly evil [[w:Sith|Sith]] manifesting the &quot;Dark side&quot; of [[the Force]]).

*&lt;b&gt;I don't know.&lt;/b&gt; I have to respond by saying, again, I have brilliant lawyers that work for me, and they are going to obviously follow what the Supreme Court said. What you said is not what I heard the Supreme Court said. They have a different interpretation.
**When asked whether he, as president, needs to abide by the Constitution and the rights it provides to people in the U.S., as reported in [https://www.npr.org/2025/05/04/g-s1-64239/does-a-president-need-to-uphold-the-constitution-trump-says-i-dont-know Does a president need to uphold the Constitution? Trump says 'I don't know'] ''NPR'' (May 4, 2025)

*I think the good parts are the ‘Trump economy’ and the bad parts are the ‘Biden economy’ because he’s done a terrible job…. I was able to get down the costs. But even that, it takes a while to get them down. But we got them down good....&lt;br&gt;I’ve only just been here for a little more than three months. But the stock market, look at what’s happened in the last short period of time. Didn’t it have nine or 10 days in a row, or 11 days, where it’s gone up? And the tariffs have just started kicking in. And we’re doing really well.
**In response to the question: ‘When does it become the Trump economy?’, quoted from [https://www.cnn.com/2025/05/04/business/trump-economy-tariffs-powell Trump says good parts of US economy are ‘Trump economy,’ bad parts are ‘Biden economy’] CNN (May 4 2025)

* ‘Too Late’ Jerome Powell is a FOOL, who doesn’t have a clue. 
** Claimed about the Chairman of the United States Federal Reserve, quoted in [https://www.cnbc.com/2025/05/08/trump-calls-fed-chair-jerome-powell-a-fool-after-central-bank-keeps-rates-steady.html &quot;Trump calls Fed Chair Jerome Powell a ‘fool’ after central bank keeps rates steady&quot;], ''CNBC'' (May 8, 2025)

*(U.S. ports slowing down) means we lose less money, you know? When I see that, that means we lose less money…. And frankly if we didn’t do business (with China), we would have been better off. So, when you say it slowed down, that’s a good thing, not a bad thing.
**Responding to a reporter saying that traffic at U.S. ports “has really slowed, and now thousands of dockworkers and truck drivers are worried about their jobs”, quoted in [https://www.yahoo.com/news/trump-exposes-own-idiocy-looming-171025385.html?guccounter=1&amp;guce_referrer=aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZ29vZ2xlLmNvbS8&amp;guce_referrer_sig=AQAAAAwAaX7rRwkUgizDt6XV1AOwYrv_ZMeBvHcxEMpvwsTm5lgFGs-RnNK7Brf0slvaI0V7WM6BAq1bFaEnDYKIOA9VnIsUr1OTy57i7_-oXYOG-Ti5H0ZkMgFatc6W-Oemxe82QXdtzNGQy_NC4PvCUlAd8MeWzovIDQhPgQAuh6I3 Trump Exposes Own Idiocy With Comment About Looming Shortages] ''Yahoo! News'' (May 8, 2025)

*So the fact that the Defense Department is getting a GIFT, FREE OF CHARGE, of a 747 aircraft to replace the 40 year old Air Force One, temporarily, in a very public and transparent transaction, so bothers the Crooked Democrats that they insist we pay, TOP DOLLAR, for the plane. Anybody can do that! The Dems are World Class Losers!!! MAGA.
**From ''Truth Social'' regarding a potential gift of a $400 million &quot;palace in the sky&quot; airplane from the Qatari government for Trump's use, reported in [https://thearabweekly.com/brewing-controversy-surrounds-qatars-intent-lavish-luxury-jet-trump Brewing controversy surrounds Qatar’s intent to lavish luxury jet on Trump] ''The Arab Weekly'' (May 12, 2025)

*I think it's a great gesture from Qatar. I appreciate it very much. I would never be one to turn down that kind of an offer.&lt;br&gt;I mean, I could be a stupid person, say, 'No, we don't want a free, very expensive airplane.' I thought it was a great gesture.&lt;br&gt;…They're giving us a free jet. I could say, 'No, no, no, don't give us. I want to pay you a billion or $400 million, or whatever it is.' Or I could say, 'Thank you very much.'
**Speaking to reporters at the White House regarding accepting a gift of a $400 million 747 airplane from Qatar, quoted in [https://www.axios.com/2025/05/12/trump-qatar-jet-free-plane-air-force-one Trump says it would be &quot;stupid&quot; not to accept free jet from Qatar] ''Axios'' (May 12, 2025)

* European Union is in many ways nastier than China, okay.
** [https://www.politico.eu/article/trump-eu-nastier-than-china/ &quot;Trump: The EU is ‘nastier than China’&quot;], ''Politico'' (May 12, 2025)

*Oh, what I do for the crown prince. The sanctions were brutal and crippling and served as an important, really an important function, nevertheless, at the time. But now it's their time to shine.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/trump-heaps-praise-saudi-crown-prince-touts-economic/story?id=121758613 Trump heaps praise on Saudi Crown Prince MBS as he touts economic development] ''ABC News'' (May 13, 2025)

* I see that Highly Overrated Bruce Springsteen goes to a Foreign Country to speak badly about the President of the United States.  Never liked him, never liked his music, or his Radical Left Politics and, importantly, he's not a talented guy - Just a pushy, obnoxious JERK
* Has anyone noticed that, since I said 'I HATE TAYLOR SWIFT,' she’s no longer 'HOT?
** [https://eu.usatoday.com/story/entertainment/celebrities/2025/05/16/trump-calls-bruce-springsteen-obnoxious-jerk/83671059007/ &quot;Trump calls Bruce Springsteen 'obnoxious jerk' after singer voiced criticism at concert&quot;], ''USA Today'' (May 16, 2025)

*...The biggest crime of all is that THE 2020 PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION WAS RIGGED! I (MAGA!) WON THE ELECTION BY MILLIONS OF VOTES, AND EVERYONE KNOWS IT. GOD BLESS AMERICA, FOR THE FIGHT HAS JUST BEGUN!!!
**From ''Truth Social'' as reported in [https://www.mediaite.com/news/trump-goes-on-early-morning-ragefest-over-autopen-and-rigged-and-stolen-election/ Trump Goes On Early-Morning Ragefest Over ‘AUTOPEN’ And ‘RIGGED AND STOLEN’ Election] ''Mediaite'' (May 17, 2025)

* They have a term, ‘grocery.’ It’s an old term, but it means basically what you’re buying: food. It’s a pretty accurate term, but it’s an old-fashioned sound, but groceries are down.
* Costs are down, eggs are down.  They were, first week they were hitting me with ‘Eggs were up 200%’ and now they’re down to a number that is amazing. We’re down 97, 98% from where they were. 
** [https://www.yahoo.com/news/people-left-flabbergasted-trumps-explanation-213256638.html &quot;People Left Flabbergasted By Trump's Explanation Of 1 English Word To UAE President&quot;], ''Yahoo News / Huffington Post'' (May 15, 2025)

* Walmart should STOP trying to blame Tariffs as the reason for raising prices throughout the chain. Walmart made BILLIONS OF DOLLARS  last year, far more than expected. Between Walmart and China they should, as is said, “EAT THE TARIFFS,” and not charge valued customers ANYTHING. I’ll be watching, and so will your customers!!!
** [https://www.cnbc.com/2025/05/17/trump-tells-walmart-to-eat-the-tariffs.html &quot;Trump tells Walmart to ‘eat the tariffs’ after retailer warned it will raise prices&quot;], ''CNBC'' (May 17, 2025)

*HOW MUCH DID KAMALA HARRIS PAY BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN FOR HIS POOR PERFORMANCE DURING HER CAMPAIGN FOR PRESIDENT? WHY DID HE ACCEPT THAT MONEY IF HE IS SUCH A FAN OF HERS? ISN’T THAT A MAJOR AND ILLEGAL CAMPAIGN CONTRIBUTION? WHAT ABOUT BEYONCÉ? …AND HOW MUCH WENT TO OPRAH, AND BONO??? I am going to call for a major investigation into this matter....For these unpatriotic “entertainers,” this was just a CORRUPT &amp; UNLAWFUL way to capitalize on a broken system.
**From ''Truth Social'' as reported in [https://www.mediaite.com/news/trump-demands-major-investigation-into-springsteen-beyonce-oprah-for-backing-kamala-harris-corrupt-unlawful/ Trump Demands ‘Major Investigation’ Into Springsteen, Beyoncé, Oprah for Backing Kamala Harris: ‘CORRUPT &amp; UNLAWFUL!’] ''Mediate'' (May 19, 2025)

* HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY TO ALL, INCLUDING THE SCUM THAT SPENT THE LAST FOUR YEARS TRYING TO DESTROY OUR COUNTRY THROUGH WARPED RADICAL LEFT MINDS, WHO ALLOWED 21,000,000 MILLION PEOPLE TO ILLEGALLY ENTER OUR COUNTRY, MANY OF THEM BEING CRIMINALS AND THE MENTALLY INSANE,THROUGH AN OPEN BORDER THAT ONLY AN INCOMPETENT PRESIDENT WOULD APPROVE, AND THROUGH JUDGES WHO ARE ON A MISSION TO KEEP MURDERERS, DRUG DEALERS, RAPISTS, GANG MEMBERS, AND RELEASED PRISONERS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD, IN OUR COUNTRY SO THEY CAN ROB, MURDER, AND RAPE AGAIN — ALL PROTECTED BY THESE USA HATING JUDGES WHO SUFFER FROM AN IDEOLOGY THAT IS SICK, AND VERY DANGEROUS FOR OUR COUNTRY. HOPEFULLY THE UNITED STATES SUPREME COURT, AND OTHER GOOD AND COMPASSIONATE JUDGES THROUGHOUT THE LAND, WILL SAVE US FROM THE DECISIONS OF THE MONSTERS WHO WANT OUR COUNTRY TO GO TO HELL. BUT FEAR NOT, WE HAVE MADE GREAT PROGRESS OVER THE LAST 4 MONTHS, AND AMERICA WILL SOON BE SAFE AND GREAT AGAIN! AGAIN, HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY, AND GOD BLESS AMERICA!
** [https://www.yahoo.com/news/fact-check-trumps-memorial-day-154700630.html &quot;Fact Check: Trump's Memorial Day message&quot;] ''Yahoo News'' (May 27, 20205)

* What Vladimir Putin doesn’t realize is that if it weren’t for me, lots of really bad things would have already happened to Russia, and I mean REALLY BAD. He’s playing with fire!
** [https://www.yahoo.com/news/trump-brags-shielding-putin-not-204644595.html &quot;Trump Brags About Shielding Putin, And It’s Not Going Over Well On Social Media&quot;] ''Huffington Post'' (May 27, 2025)

* There is no #JoeBiden - executed in 2020. #Biden clones doubles &amp; robotic engineered soulless mindless entities are what you see. Democrats dont know the difference.
** Social media posting shared by Donald Trump, quoted in [https://www.thedailybeast.com/donald-trump-shares-bonkers-conspiracy-theory-about-joe-biden-being-replaced-by-clones/ &quot;Trump Shares Unhinged Conspiracy Theory That Biden Is a Robot Clone&quot;], ''Daily Beast'' (May 31, 2025)

===== [https://www.newsweek.com/trump-advice-university-alabama-commencement-speech-2067054 Donald Trump Shares 11 Pieces of Advice at Rally-Style Commencement Speech] Newsweek (1 May 2025) =====
# &quot;If you're here today and think that you're too young to do something great, let me tell you that you are wrong. You're not too young. You can have great success at a very young age ... In America, with drive and ambition, young people can do anything.&quot;
# &quot;You have to love what you do. You have to. I rarely see somebody that's successful that doesn't love what he or she does ... If I didn't find it fun, I wouldn't be successful.&quot;
# &quot;The third thing is to think big. If you're going to do something, you might as well think big. I know a lot of people, they've thought small, they were very smart. I know others that weren't nearly as smart, but they had a better picture of the big picture, because it's just as hard to solve a small problem as a big problem and it's just as much energy and everything else, except the result is going to be a smaller one. So love what you do and think big if it's possible.&quot;
# &quot;Work hard. Never, ever stop,&quot; Trump said, before mentioning pro golf legend Gary Player. The president said Player &quot;wasn't as big as other men, he was on the small side ... but he worked very, very hard. He made up for it. He never stopped.&quot;
# &quot;Don't lose your momentum. You just want to keep it going. And you have to know, if you are losing it, you have to know when you are losing it, so maybe you stop and maybe it's time to stop. Listen to the feedback, think through your plan very carefully and keep moving fast.&quot;
# &quot;If you want to change the world, you have to have the courage to be an outsider. In other words, you have to take certain risks and do things a little bit differently; otherwise, if that were the case, everybody would be successful. Doesn't work that way. Progress never comes from those satisfied with the failures of a broken system; it comes from those who want to fix the broken system. If you want to go to the top, you're just never going to do it unless you break the system ... You really do, you have to break the system a little bit and follow your own instincts. But if your vision is right, nothing will hold you down. Nothing. You have to have the right vision.&quot;
# &quot;Trust your instincts. Common sense. You can go very far in life with common sense and I applied that to politics because some of these things, like, they had open borders. Let everybody in the whole world flow into our country. That's not common sense.&quot;
# &quot;Everybody should believe in the American dream. It's real, it's there and it's right before you.&quot;
# &quot;Think of yourself as a winner. The power of positive thinking. Don't consider yourself a victim. Consider yourself a winner. In recent years, too many of our young people have really been taught to think of themselves as victims and blame people and be angry. Don't be angry. In America, we reject that idea that anyone is born a victim. Our heroes are the ones who take charge of their own destiny, make their own luck and determine their own fate, despite the odds.&quot;
# &quot;Be an original,&quot; Trump said as his penultimate piece of advice for the graduating class. &quot;The all-time greats were people who had the confidence to be a little different ... God only created one of you. Remember that. You're all different, some are close, but nobody is the same. You're one of a kind so don't try to be someone else. Just be yourself.&quot;
# &quot;Never, ever give up. Never give up. Don't stop. Never, ever give up. Victory is right around the corner.&quot;

==== June 2025 ====
*The horrific decision stated that I would have to get the approval of Congress for these Tariffs. In other words, hundreds of politicians would sit around D.C. for weeks, and even months, trying to come to a conclusion as to what to charge other Countries that are treating us unfairly. If allowed to stand, this would completely destroy Presidential Power — The Presidency would never be the same!
**Regarding the Court of International Trade’s decision stating that tariffs must be approved by Congress  according to the Constitution, as quoted in “Truth Social” and reported in [https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/maddowblog/congress-trade-tariffs-trump-gives-away-game-power-grab-rcna210366 On Congress and trade tariffs, Trump gives away the game about his power grab] ''MSNBC'' (June 2, 2025)

* Because of Tariffs, our Economy is BOOMING!
** [https://www.thedailybeast.com/donald-trumps-brag-about-booming-economy-immediately-gets-a-humiliating-reality-check/ &quot;Trump’s Brag About ‘BOOMING’ Economy Immediately Gets a Humiliating Reality Check&quot;], ''Daily Beast'' (June 3, 2025)

*That was not a pleasant day for you?
**About the 1945 D-Day landings, to Chancellor of Germany Friedrich Merz, who replied &quot;This was the liberation of my country from Nazi dictatorship.&quot; ([https://www.pbs.org/newshour/show/germanys-chancellor-visits-trump-as-europes-alliance-with-u-s-is-fracturing June 5, 2025])

* The easiest way to save money in our Budget, Billions and Billions of dollars, is to terminate Elon's Governmental Subsidies and Contracts.  I was always surprised that Biden didn't do it!
** [https://www.axios.com/2025/06/05/elon-musk-twitter-trump-epstein-files &quot;How Trump and Musk's relationship exploded in real time over X, Truth Social&quot;], ''Axios'' (June 5, 2025)

*We want to wean off of FEMA and we want to bring it down to the state level — a little bit like education, we're moving it back to the states.&lt;br&gt;It has not worked out well. It's extremely expensive and, again, when you have a tornado or a hurricane or you have a problem of any kind, in a state, that's what you have governors for. They're supposed to fix those problems, and it's much more local and they'll develop a system, and it will be a great system.
**[https://www.cbsnews.com/news/trump-fema-hurricane-season-wean-states/ Trump says his administration wants to &quot;wean&quot; states off FEMA aid after hurricane season] ''CBS News'' (June 11, 2025)

* Remember eggs? We weren’t able to buy another egg for the next 20 years — they were so expensive, right?  Eggs have come down 400%. 
** [https://finance.yahoo.com/news/trump-says-everybody-eggs-now-154300576.html &quot;Trump says ‘everybody has eggs now’ since prices have dropped a staggering 400%. But is his math scrambled?&quot;] ''Yahoo Finance / Moneywise'' (June 12, 2025)

* Please help me with my military parade.
** Written in a fundraising e-mail, quoted in [https://www.mediaite.com/media/tv/chris-hayes-cackles-at-trump-email-sorry-thats-a-funny-sentence/ &quot;Chris Hayes Cackles at Trump Email: ‘Sorry, That’s a Funny Sentence’&quot;], ''Mediaite'' (June 13, 2025)

* President Putin called this morning to very nicely wish me a Happy Birthday
** Quoted in [https://www.mediaite.com/politics/trump/trump-says-putin-very-nicely-wished-him-happy-birthday-and-they-agreed-war-in-israel-iran-should-end-on-hour-long-call/ &quot;Trump Says Putin ‘Very Nicely’ Wished Him Happy Birthday and They Agreed ‘War in Israel-Iran Should End’ on Hour-Long Call&quot;], ''Mediaite'' (June 14, 2025)

* We can easily get a deal done between Iran and Israel, and end this bloody conflict.
** [https://www.politico.eu/article/donald-trump-iran-retaliation-levels-never-seen-before/ &quot;Trump threatens Iran with retaliation ‘at levels never seen before’&quot;], ''Politico'' (June 15, 2025)

*ICE Officers are herewith ordered, by notice of this TRUTH, to do all in their power to achieve the very important goal of delivering the single largest Mass Deportation Program in History.&lt;br&gt;In order to achieve this, we must expand efforts to detain and deport Illegal Aliens in America’s largest Cities, such as Los Angeles, Chicago, and New York, where Millions upon Millions of Illegal Aliens reside. These, and other such Cities, are the core of the Democrat Power Center, where they use Illegal Aliens to expand their Voter Base, cheat in Elections, and grow the Welfare State, robbing good paying Jobs and Benefits from Hardworking American Citizens. These radical left Democrats are sick of mind, hate our country and actually want to destroy our inner cities - and they are doing a good job of it! There is something wrong with them
**From Truth Social reported in [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/live-updates/trump-admin-updates-live/?id=122650591 Trump admin updates: Trump calls for expanded deportations in LA, NYC and more] ''ABC News'' (June 15, 2025)

*I want them to focus on the cities because the cities are where you really have what's called sanctuary cities, and that's where the people are… Most of those people are in the cities, all blue cities, all Democrat-run cities, and they think they're going to use them to vote. It's not going to happen.
**Speaking at the G7 Summit concerning the deportation of illegal aliens, reported in [https://www.cbs8.com/article/news/local/california/president-trump-orders-ice-to-target-democratic-run-cities/509-457960b7-63e1-4277-bc42-73d10918a0f4 Trump targets deportations in Democratic cities, sparks outrage in California] ''CBS8'' (June 16, 2025)

*Well, considering that I’m the one that developed ‘America First,’ and considering that the term wasn’t used until I came along, I think I’m the one that decides that.
**[https://www.msnbc.com/top-stories/latest/trump-america-first-iran-israel-strikes-rcna213299 Trump tries to redefine ‘America First’ in the face of MAGA backlash] ''MSNBC'' (June 16, 2025)

*I think the governor of Minnesota is so whacked out. I'm not calling him. Why would I call him? I could call and say, 'Hi, how you doing?' Uh, the guy doesn't have a clue. He's a mess. I could be nice and call, but why waste time?
**Explaining why he chose not to call Minnesota Governor [[Tim Walz]] following the political assassinations of state Representative [[Melissa Hortman]] (a Democrat) and her husband [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/trump-call-walz-after-minnesota-shootings-calls-grossly/story?id=122870353 Trump says calling Walz after Minnesota shootings would be 'waste of time'] ''ABC News'' (June 17, 2025)

* I don't believe in telephones.
** [https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-14820045/Donald-Trump-G7-Iran-Air-Force-One.html &quot;Donald Trump reveals the real reason he rushed home from the G7 in Canada while bombs fell on Tehran&quot;] ''Daily Mail'' (June 17, 2025)

*Let's have a good -- they call it a lifting. They also use another word, but I'm not gonna use that word. It starts with an E. Do you know what the word is? If I ever used it, I would be run out of town by you people.
**While talking with reporters on the White House lawn, where he plans on installing two massive flagpoles, reported in [https://www.irishstar.com/news/us-news/trump-cracks-crude-genitalia-joke-35414899 Trump cracks crude genitalia joke at flagpole ceremony amid fears he'll be 'run out of town'] ''Irish Star'' (June 18, 2025)

*My supporters are more in love with me today, and I'm more in love with them, more than they even were at election time where we had a total landslide…&lt;br&gt;I may have some people that are a little bit unhappy now, but I have some people that are very happy, and I have people outside of the base that can't believe that this is happening, they're so happy ... and there was a poll that just came out today and my approval rating’s the highest it’s ever been.
**Speaking to reporters at the White House on the South Lawn, asked about supporters’ concerns regarding involvement in the Israel-Iran conflict quoted in  [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/wireStory/trump-supporters-love-involvement-iran-roils-maga-world-122978793 Trump says supporters are 'more in love' with him than ever, as involvement in Iran roils MAGA world] ''ABC News'' (June 18, 2025)[https://www.al.com/politics/2025/06/trump-claims-his-approval-rating-is-the-highest-its-ever-been-numbers-tell-a-different-story.html]

* I may do it. I may not do it. Nobody knows what I'm going to do.
** Said about the possibility of attacking Iran, 18 June 2025. Quoted in Allan Little [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/czxww2kez0go How Trump is using the 'Madman Theory' to try to change the world (and it's working)] ''BBC News'' (July 6, 2025)

* I stopped the war between Pakistan and India.
** Claimed without providing evidence, quoted in [https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/maddowblog/third-time-india-pushes-back-trumps-dubious-boasts-rcna213931 &quot;For the third time, India pushes back against Trump’s dubious boasts&quot;] ''MSNBC'' (June 19, 2025)

*Zero Border crossings for the month for TRUMP, verses 60,000 for Sleepy, Crooked Joe Biden, a man who lost the 2020 Presidential Election by a “LANDSLIDE!” Biden was grossly incompetent, and the 2020 election was a total FRAUD! The evidence is MASSIVE and OVERWHELMING. A Special Prosecutor must be appointed. This cannot be allowed to happen again in the United States of America!
**Taken from Truth Social post in [https://www.mediaite.com/politics/trump-calls-for-special-prosecutor-for-alleged-election-fraud-in-2020-claiming-he-won-in-a-landslide/ Trump Calls for Special Prosecutor for Alleged Election Fraud in 2020 — Claiming He Won in a ‘LANDSLIDE!’] ''Mediaite'' (June 20, 2025)

*It’s not politically correct to use the term, ‘Regime Change’, but if the current Iranian Regime is unable to MAKE IRAN GREAT AGAIN, why wouldn’t there be a Regime change? MIGA!!!
**''Truth Social'' posting, reported in [https://www.telegraph.co.uk/us/news/2025/06/23/trump-agitates-for-iran-regime-change/ Trump agitates for regime change to ‘make Iran great again’] ''The Telegraph'' (June 22, 2025)

*CONGRATULATIONS TO EVERYONE! It has been fully agreed by and between Israel and Iran that there will be a Complete and Total CEASEFIRE (in approximately 6 hours from now, when Israel and Iran have wound down and completed their in progress, final missions!), for 12 hours, at which point the War will be considered, ENDED! During each CEASEFIRE, the other side will remain PEACEFUL and RESPECTFUL. On the assumption that everything works as it should, which it will, I would like to congratulate both Countries, Israel and Iran, on having the Stamina, Courage, and Intelligence to end, what should be called, “THE 12 DAY WAR”.
**Truth Social post reported in [https://www.cnbc.com/2025/06/23/iran-qatar-iraq-attacks-us-israel.html Trump announces Israel-Iran ceasefire timeline he says will end the war: Live updates] ''CNBC'' (June 23, 2025)[https://www.salon.com/2025/06/23/the-12-day-war-says-israel-iran-have-reached-tentative-ceasefire-agreement/]

* Israel, as soon as we made the deal they came out and they dropped a load of bombs, the likes of which I’ve never seen before.&lt;br&gt;I’m not happy with Israel. You know, when I say, ‘OK now you have 12 hours,’ you don’t go out to the first hour, just drop everything you have on, so I’m not happy with them. I’m not happy with Iran either.&lt;br&gt;ISRAEL. DO NOT DROP THOSE BOMBS. IF YOU DO IT IS A MAJOR VIOLATION. BRING YOUR PILOTS HOME, NOW!
** [https://edition.cnn.com/world/live-news/israel-iran-conflict-us-trump-06-24-25-intl-hnk#cmcaf5mst00003b6prm250209 &quot;Trump lashes out at Israel as his Middle East truce appears to falter&quot;] ''CNN'' (June 24, 2025)

* ''About Israel and Iran:''
: I don’t believe they will ever be shooting at each other again.
:* [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-expects-israel-iran-ceasefire-last-forever-rcna214660 &quot;Trump says he expects the Israel-Iran ceasefire will last 'forever'&quot;] ''NBC News'' (June 24, 2025)

* We have no inflation.
** Claimed without providing evidence, quoted in [https://edition.cnn.com/2025/06/25/politics/fact-check-trump-nato-conference &quot;Fact-checking Trump’s NATO news conference&quot;] ''CNN'' (June 25, 2025)

* I've talked to Putin a lot and he's actually been very kind.
** [https://www.gazetaexpress.com/en/He%27s-a-good-guy.-Trump-announces-talks-with-Zelensky--praises-Putin-as-very-kind./ &quot;'He's a good guy': Trump announces talks with Zelensky, praises Putin as 'very kind'&quot;] ''Gazeta Express'' (June 25, 2025)

==== July 2025 ====
* This bill rescues over 2 billion family farms from the so-called estate tax or the death tax.
** Claimed about the &quot;Big Beautiful Bill&quot;, quoted in [https://www.irishstar.com/news/us-news/trump-loses-it-claims-2-35498032 &quot;Trump 'loses it' as he claims 2 billion farms have been rescued then outright lies over taxes&quot;] ''Irish Star'' (July 3, 2025)

* ''Claimed about his &quot;big beautiful bill&quot;:''
: It’s the most popular bill ever signed in the history of our country, whether you’re military or anybody else, this is the most single most popular bill ever signed,
:* [https://edition.cnn.com/2025/07/04/politics/fact-check-trump-bill-unpopular &quot;Fact check: Trump falsely claims his highly unpopular big bill is the ‘single most popular bill ever signed’&quot;] ''CNN'' (July 4, 2025)

*We made promises, and it’s really promises made, promises kept, and we’ve kept them. There’s a triumph of democracy on the birthday of democracy, and I have to say that the people are happy.
**After signing the One Big Beautiful Bill into law [https://www.cnn.com/2025/07/04/politics/donald-trump-policy-bill-celebration Trump signs his agenda bill, with a flyover and fireworks to mark the occasion] ''CNN'' (July 4, 2025)

*I would say firm, but not 100% firm.
**When asked by a reporter whether the new August 1st tariff date was a hard deadline, quoted in [https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cd0vkl31085o US delays higher tariffs but announces new taxes for some countries] ''BBC'' (July 7, 2025)

*Are you still talking about Jeffrey Epstein? This guy’s been talked about for years…. Are people still talking about this guy? This creep? That is unbelievable.&lt;br&gt;I can’t believe you’re asking a question on Epstein at a time like this, when we’re having some of the greatest success and also tragedy with what happened in Texas. It just seems like a desecration. 
**Responding to a reporter’s question to Attorney General Pam Bondi regarding Jeffrey Epstein, quoted in [https://uk.news.yahoo.com/trump-questions-why-people-talking-164717536.html Trump questions why people are talking about ‘creep’ Epstein - despite his push to release the files ] ''Yahoo News'' (July 8, 2025)

*If a communist gets elected to run New York, it can never be the same, but we have tremendous power at the White House to run places when we have to.&lt;br&gt;New York City will run properly. We’re going to bring New York back.
**After warning against the prospect of Zohran Mamdani winning the New York mayor’s race, quoted in [https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2025-07-08/trump-says-he-s-weighing-federal-takeover-of-washington-dc Trump Says He’s Weighing Federal Takeover of Washington, DC] ''Bloomberg'' (July 8, 2025)[https://archive.is/317Oy#selection-1147.0-1147.59]

*TARIFFS WILL START BEING PAID ON AUGUST 1, 2025. There has been no change to this date, and there will be no change. In other words, all money will be due and payable starting AUGUST 1, 2025 — No extensions will be granted.
**From ''Truth Social'', quoted in [https://www.nbcnews.com/business/business-news/trump-threatens-no-extensions-aug-1-tariff-deadline-what-countries-rcna217536 Trump threatens 'no extensions' on new Aug. 1 tariff deadline, warns of higher import taxes] ''NBC News'' (July 8, 2025)

*We’re on one Team, MAGA, and I don’t like what’s happening. We have a PERFECT Administration, THE TALK OF THE WORLD, and “selfish people” are trying to hurt it, all over a guy who never dies, Jeffrey Epstein….One year ago our Country was DEAD, now it’s the “HOTTEST” Country anywhere in the World. Let’s keep it that way, and not waste Time and Energy on Jeffrey Epstein, somebody that nobody cares about.
**From ''Truth Social'', quoted in [https://www.cnn.com/2025/07/12/politics/bondi-epstein-investigation-trump Trump defends Bondi amid MAGA fallout over her handling of Epstein investigation] ''CNN'' (July 13, 2025)[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/114842356238631061]

*I speak to him a lot about getting this thing done. And I always hang up and say, well, that was a nice phone call. And then missiles are launched into Kyiv or some other city. And I said, strange. And after that happens three or four times, you say the talk doesn't mean anything.
**Referring to his conversations with Russian President Vladimir Putin regarding ending the Russia-Ukraine war, quoted in [https://www.npr.org/transcripts/nx-s1-5467304 Trump announces new weapon plan for Ukraine, threatens Russia with tariffs] ''NPR'' (July 14, 2025)

*Very good. Because I won. It's good to win. You heard I won, right? Did you hear I won? I like to win.
**When asked how the golf tournament was after winning the Senior Club Championship at his course outside of West Palm Beach, Florida [https://www.palmbeachpost.com/story/news/trump/2025/07/14/trump-golf-championship-new-jersey-bedminster/85190196007/ Trump claims another golf championship, his fifth this year, at his New Jersey club] ''The Palm Beach Post'' (July 14, 2025)
 
* I go home, I tell the first lady, ‘I spoke to Vladimir today, we had a wonderful conversation.’ And she says, ‘Oh really, another city was just hit’
** Donald Trump, quoted in [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/melania-trump-russia-ukraine-b2789171.html &quot;How Melania Trump emerged as one of Zelensky’s key allies in the White House&quot;] ''The Independent'' (July 15, 2025)

* No, no. She's [Pam Bondi] uh, she's given us just a very quick briefing. And in terms of the credibility of the various things that they've seen. And I would say that, you know, these files [Jeffrey Epstein files] were made up by Comey, they were made up by Obama, they were made up but, the Biden, uh, you know, and we went through years of that.
** Donald Trump answering a reporter's question on wether Donald Trump's name appeared in the Jeffrey Epstein files. [https://apnews.com/article/trump-epstein-conspiracy-theories-bondi-bongino-fbi-a143076353acbc1193cb9697e7fc4a90 With Epstein conspiracy theories, Trump faces a crisis of his own making]

[[File:Epstein Final Mugshot.png|thumb|I have had more [[success]] in 6 months than perhaps any [[President]] in our Country’s [[history]], and all these [[people]] want to talk about, with strong prodding by the [[Fake news|Fake News]] and the success starved [[Democratic Party (United States)|Dems]], is the [[Jeffrey Epstein]] Hoax.]]
*The Radical Left Democrats have hit pay dirt, again! Just like with the FAKE and fully discredited Steele Dossier, the lying 51 “Intelligence” Agents, the Laptop from Hell, which the Dems swore had come from Russia (No, it came from Hunter Biden’s bathroom!), and even the Russia, Russia, Russia Scam itself, a totally fake and made up story used in order to hide Crooked Hillary Clinton’s big loss in the 2016 Presidential Election, these Scams and Hoaxes are all the Democrats are good at… Their new SCAM is what we will forever call the Jeffrey Epstein Hoax, and my PAST supporters have bought into this “bullshit,” hook, line, and sinker. They haven’t learned their lesson, and probably never will, even after being conned by the Lunatic Left for 8 long years. I have had more success in 6 months than perhaps any President in our Country’s history, and all these people want to talk about, with strong prodding by the Fake News and the success starved Dems, is the Jeffrey Epstein Hoax. Let these weaklings continue forward and do the Democrats work, don’t even think about talking of our incredible and unprecedented success, because I don’t want their support anymore!
**''Truth Social'' post cutting ties with any MAGA supporters who still want answers in the Jeffrey Epstein investigation, reported in [https://www.mediaite.com/media/news/trump-melts-down-over-epstein-hoax-slams-supporters-who-believe-this-bullsht-i-dont-want-their-support-anymore/ Trump Melts Down Over Epstein ‘Hoax,’ Slams Supporters Who Believe ‘This Bullsh*t’: ‘I Don’t Want Their Support Anymore!’] ''Mediaite'' (July 16, 2025)

*I know it’s a hoax. It was started by Democrats. It’s been run by the Democrats for four years ... it’s perpetrated by the Democrats and some stupid Republicans and foolish Republicans fall into the net, and so they try and do the Democrats’ work.
**When asked by a reporter if he has evidence to support his claim that the fervor over Jeffrey Epstein, who died from suicide in a Manhattan jail cell during his first term, is part of a Democratic “hoax” against him, reported in [https://www.the-independent.com/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-epstein-file-response-republicans-b2790269.html Trump attacks ‘stupid Republicans’ for wanting Epstein files released] ''Independent'' (July 16, 2025)

*No, no, she's -- she's given us just a very quick briefing. And in terms of the credibility of the different things that they've seen, and I would say that, you know, these files were made up by Comey, they were made up by Obama, they were made up by the Biden -- and you know, we and we went through years of that with the Russia, Russia, Russia hoax, with all of the different things that we had to go through.
**When asked by a reporter if Pam Bondi told him his name appeared in the Epstein files [https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/world/us/whatever-she-thinks-is-credible-trump-reacts-again-on-epstein-files-says-pam-bondi-has-handled-it-very-well/articleshow/122535035.cms 'Whatever she thinks is credible': Trump reacts again on Epstein files; says Pam Bondi has 'handled it very well'] ''Times of India'' (July 16, 2025)

*He’s a terrible Fed chair. I was surprised he was appointed. I was surprised, frankly, that Biden put him in and extended him.
**Regarding Federal Reserve Chairman Jerome Powell whom Donald Trump appointed in 2017 [https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/maddowblog/trump-says-was-surprised-jerome-powell-fed-chair-appointed-was-appoint-rcna219162 Trump says he was surprised that Jerome Powell, the Fed chair he appointed, was appointed] MSNBC (July 16, 2025)

*I have asked the Justice Department to release all Grand Jury testimony with respect to Jeffrey Epstein, subject only to Court Approval. With that being said, and even if the Court gave its full and unwavering approval, nothing will be good enough for the troublemakers and radical left lunatics making the request. It will always be more, more, more.
**From ''Truth Social'' reported in [https://dnyuz.com/2025/07/19/trump-savages-lunatics-demanding-epstein-files-release/ Trump Savages ‘Lunatics’ Demanding Epstein Files Release] ''DNYUZ'' (July 19, 2025)
  
* We’re gonna get the drug prices down — not 30% or 40%, which would be great. Not 50% or 60%. No, we’re gonna get them down 1,000%, 600%, 500%, 1,500%.
* Something that nobody else can do.
* Numbers that are not even thought to be achievable.
** [https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/maddowblog/prescription-drug-costs-trump-flunks-arithmetic-embarrassing-fashion-rcna220508 &quot;On prescription drug costs, Trump flunks arithmetic in embarrassing fashion&quot;] ''MSNBC'' (July 23, 2025)

* Every time they give you a question that's not appropriate, just say 'by the way, Obama cheated on the election.'
** [https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/politics/mikey-smith-8-unhinged-donald-35606610 &quot;MIKEY SMITH: 8 unhinged Donald Trump moments as he scrambles to distract from Epstein scandal&quot;] ''Mirror'' (July 23, 2025)

*I never had the privilege of going to his island, and I did turn him down. But a lot of people in Palm Beach were invited to his island. In one of my very good moments, I turned it down. I didn’t want to go to his island.
**In reference to the late Jeffrey Epstein's island where underage girls were made available to Epstein and his guests [https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/5423583-trump-rejects-epstein-island-offer/ Trump says he turned down offer to go to Epstein island: ‘One of my very good moments’] ''The Hill'' (July 28, 2025)

* I'm not a fan of your mayor. I think he's done a terrible job, the mayor of London... a nasty person.
** [https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cx2q5pjk4zko &quot;Trump takes another swipe at London's mayor&quot;] ''BBC'' (July 28, 2025)

* We stopped about five wars.
** Claimed without providing details or evidence, quoted in [https://www.foxnews.com/politics/trump-boasts-he-stopped-about-five-wars-while-opening-new-scotland-golf-course-vows-work-with-netanyahu &quot;Trump boasts he 'stopped about five wars' while opening new Scotland golf course, vows to work with Netanyahu&quot;] ''FOX News'' (July 29, 2025)

* I know better than anybody about sanctions and tariffs and everything else.
** [https://edition.cnn.com/2025/07/31/politics/russia-sanctions-trump-witkoff-ukraine &quot;Trump says Witkoff will travel to Russia, affirms plans for new sanctions&quot;] ''CNN'' (July 31, 2025)

*Tariffs are making America GREAT &amp; RICH Again... Now the tide has completely turned, and America has successfully countered this onslaught of Tariffs used against it. ONE YEAR AGO, AMERICA WAS A DEAD COUNTRY, NOW IT IS THE “HOTTEST” COUNTRY ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD. CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL!
**From ''Truth Social'', reported in [https://www.scrippsnews.com/politics/with-trade-deadline-nearing-court-case-could-define-trumps-tariff-authority With trade deadline nearing, court case could define Trump's tariff authority] ''Scripps News'' (July 31, 2025)

* They've wanted [[w:White House State Ballroom|a ballroom at the White House]] for more than 150 years, but there's never been a president that was good at ballrooms. I'm really good.
**On the White House ballroom project (31 July 2025), as quoted in [https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/trump-white-house-ballroom-construction/ &quot;Trump said new White House ballroom construction wouldn't 'interfere with the current building'&quot; by Joey Esposito, ''Snopes'' (21 October 2025)]; also in [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/trump-building-new-200-million-ballroom-white-house/story?id=124254902 &quot;Trump is building a new $200 million ballroom at the White House&quot; ''ABC News'' (July 31, 2025)]

==== August 2025 ====
*I was just informed that our Country’s ‘Jobs Numbers’ are being produced by a Biden Appointee, Dr. Erika McEntarfer, the Commissioner of Labor Statistics, who faked the Jobs Numbers before the Election to try and boost Kamala’s [Harris’] chances of Victory... We need accurate Jobs Numbers. I have directed my Team to fire this Biden Political Appointee, IMMEDIATELY. She will be replaced with someone much more competent and qualified.
**Fires the Bureau of Labor Statistics commissioner, Erika McEntarfer, in a ''Truth Social'' post immediately after the agency reported job growth in the U.S. had slowed to a near-halt, reported in [https://www.cnbc.com/2025/08/01/trump-erika-mcentarfer-jobs-report-fired.html Trump fires commissioner of labor statistics after weaker-than-expected jobs figures slam markets] ''CNBC'' (August 1st, 2025)

*If Sydney Sweeney is a registered Republican, I think her ad is fantastic.
**[https://deadline.com/2025/08/donald-trump-sydney-sweeneys-american-eagle-ads-1236477752/ Trump Hails Sydney Sweeney’s American Eagle Ads After Reports Actress Is Registered Republican] ''Deadline'' (August 4, 2025)

* One of the things they're going to be talking about pretty soon are the tremendous drop in drug prices. You know, we've cut drug prices by 1,200, 1,300, 1,400, 1,500 percent. I don't mean 50 percent. I mean 14-, 1,500 percent.
** [https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-doubles-down-impossible-drug-price-cuts-2108365 &quot;Donald Trump Doubles Down on Mathematically Impossible Drug Price Cuts&quot;] ''Newsweek'' (August 4, 2025)

*We have an opportunity in Texas to pick up five [congressional] seats. We have a really good governor, and we have good people in Texas. And I won Texas. I got the highest vote in the history of Texas, as you probably know, and we are entitled to five more seats.
**Regarding the recently proposed congressional state map that, if passed by the state’s legislature, would boost the Republican party’s chances of maintaining control of the House in the 2026 midterms [https://www.politico.com/news/2025/08/05/trump-texas-redistricting-00493624 Trump on Texas redistricting: ‘We are entitled to 5 more seats’] ''Politico'' (August 5, 2025)

* I have poll numbers where I’m 71 percent. I have the best poll numbers.
* Among Republicans, 94 and 95 percent. 
* Fox gives me terrible polls all the time, you know, they do nothing, but they… I’ve never had a good poll with Fox. 
** [https://www.mediaite.com/media/tv/trump-loses-it-on-cnbc-when-hosts-fact-check-insane-approval-rating-whopper-nbc-is-the-worst/ &quot;Trump Loses It on CNBC When Hosts Fact Check Insane Approval Rating Whopper: NBC Is the ‘Worst’&quot;] ''Mediaite'' (August 5, 2025)

*And that’s a gift. That’s not like, you know, a loan, by the way. That’s not a loan that, ‘Oh, gee, three years comes up. We have to pay it back.’ There’s nothing to pay back. They gave us $600 billion that we can invest in anything we want. ... [T]here are no details. The details are $600 billion to invest in anything I want. Anything. I can do anything I want.
**Claiming the European Union was giving the United States a $600 billion gift that turned out to be untrue [https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/maddowblog/trumps-claim-600-billion-gift-european-union-quietly-falls-apart-rcna226564 Trump’s claim about a $600 billion ‘gift’ from the European Union quietly falls apart] ''MSNBC'' (August 5, 2025)[https://www.cnbc.com/2025/08/05/cnbc-transcript-president-of-the-united-states-donald-trump-speaks-with-cnbcs-squawk-box-today-.html]

*I have to say that somebody from DOGE was very badly hurt… A young man who was beat up by a bunch of thugs in DC, and either they’re gonna straighten their act out in the terms of government and in terms of protection or we’re gonna have to federalize and run it the way it’s supposed to be run.
**[https://www.cnn.com/2025/08/06/politics/trump-federal-take-over-dc-doge-coristine-assault Trump reignites threat to take over DC after former DOGE worker assaulted in attempted carjacking] ''CNN'' (August 6, 2025)

* [[Stephen Colbert | Colbert]] has no talent. I mean, I could take anybody here. I could go outside in the beautiful streets and pick a couple of people that do just as well or better. They’d get higher ratings than he did. He’s got no talent.&lt;br&gt;[[Jimmy Fallon | Fallon]] has no talent. [[Jimmy Kimmel | Kimmel]] has no talent. They’re next. They’re going to be going. I hear they’re going to be going. I don’t know, but I would imagine because they’d get—you know, Colbert has better ratings than Kimmel or Fallon.
* It’s really good to see them go, and I hope I played a major part in it!
** Claimed after the popular late night show hosts and comedians criticised the policies of Trump, quoted in [https://nypost.com/2025/08/07/media/trump-repeats-claim-kimmel-fallon-are-next-after-stephen-colbert-cancellation/ &quot;Trump repeats claim Kimmel, Fallon are ‘next’ after Stephen Colbert cancellation&quot;] ''New York Post'' (August 7, 2025)

* IT'S MIDNIGHT! BILLIONS OF DOLLARS IN TARIFFS ARE NOW FLOWING INTO THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!
** Claimed about tariffs paid by US importers, quoted in [https://www.nbcnews.com/business/business-news/trump-tariffs-latest-round-takes-effect-thursday-august-7-2025-rcna223461 &quot;New tariffs snap into effect, raising import taxes to highest level since Great Depression&quot;] ''NBC News'' (August 7, 2025)

*…I direct the Secretary of Defense to mobilize the District of Columbia National Guard and order members to active service, in such numbers as he deems necessary, to address the epidemic of crime in our Nation’s capital.  The mobilization and duration of duty shall remain in effect until I determine that conditions of law and order have been restored in the District of Columbia.
**[https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/2025/08/restoring-law-and-order-in-the-district-of-columbia/ RESTORING LAW AND ORDER IN THE DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA] The White House (August 11, 2025)

*This is liberation day in D.C. and we’re going to take our capital back. We’re taking it back. Under the authorities vested in me as the president of the United States, I’m officially invoking section 740 of the District of Columbia Home Rule Act — you know what that is — and placing the D.C. Metropolitan Police Department under direct federal control.
**[https://ca.news.yahoo.com/trump-places-dc-police-under-151649421.html Trump Places DC Police Under Federal Control: ‘We’re Going to Take Our Capital Back’] ''Yahoo News'' (August 11, 2025)

*See, they fight back until you knock the hell out of them, because it’s the only language they understand...&lt;br&gt;You spit and we hit. And they’re standing there and people are spitting in their face and they’re not allowed to do anything. But &lt;b&gt;now they are allowed to do whatever the hell they want&lt;/b&gt;.
**Giving police permission to use whatever means of violence they want against Washington DC citizens, reported in [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-takeover-dc-police-crime-b2807175.html Trump told cops to do ‘whatever the hell they want’ to fix DC. Here’s why that’s ‘extremely dangerous’] ''Independent'' (August 11, 2025)

* I don’t like being up here, talking about how unsafe and how dirty and disgusting this once-beautiful capital was.
** [https://au.news.yahoo.com/trump-mistook-alaska-russia-yes-192134848.html &quot;Trump Thought Alaska Was Russia, And The Internet Is Having An Absolute Field Day With It&quot;] ''Yahoo News / Buzzfeed'' (August 11, 2025)

*  I’m going to see Putin. I’m going to Russia on Friday.
** [https://www.the-independent.com/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-putin-meeting-russia-alaska-ukraine-war-b2805880.html &quot;‘I’m going to Russia’: Trump appears to forget Alaska is in US as he frets over facing Putin&quot;] ''The Independent'' (August 12, 2025)

*Our Economy is booming, and E.J. will ensure that the Numbers released are HONEST and ACCURATE.
**Regarding his nomination of economist and contributor to Project 2025, E.J. Antoni, as the new Bureau of Labor Statistics commissioner [https://www.reuters.com/world/us/trump-picks-heritage-economist-antoni-lead-us-labor-statistics-agency-2025-08-11/ Trump picks Heritage economist Antoni to lead US labor statistics agency] ''Reuters'' (August 12, 2025)

*There’s no deal until there’s a deal.
**After meeting with Russian President Vladimir Putin in Anchorage, Alaska regarding ending the Russia-Ukraine War, [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/live-blog/trump-putin-summit-alaska-ukraine-war-russia-peace-live-updates-rcna224983 Trump-Putin summit ends without a deal on Ukraine] ''NBC News'' (August 15, 2025)

* Vladimir Putin said something – one of the most interesting things. He said: ‘Your election was rigged because you have [[w:Postal voting | mail-in voting]] … No country has mail-in voting. It’s impossible to have mail-in voting and have honest elections.’*
** [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025/aug/16/love-in-a-cold-climate-putin-romances-trump-in-alaska-with-talk-of-rigged-elections-and-a-trip-to-moscow &quot;Love in a cold climate: Putin romances Trump in Alaska with talk of rigged elections and a trip to Moscow&quot;] ''The Guardian'' (August 16, 2025)

* I want to see a ceasefire rapidly.  I don’t know if it’s going to be today. But I’m not going to be happy if it’s not today.
** Said about the ongoing Russian warfare against Ukraine, quoted in [https://time.com/7309902/trump-putin-meeting-ultimatum-ceasefire-talks/ &quot;Trump Says No Deal Reached With Putin as Alaska Summit Ends Earlier Than Expected&quot;] ''Time Magazine'' (August 16, 2025)

* If I got Russia to give up Moscow as part of the Deal, the Fake News, and their PARTNER, the Radical Left Democrats, would say I made a terrible mistake and a very bad deal.  That’s why they are the FAKE NEWS!
** [https://www.huffpost.com/entry/donald-trump-if-i-got-russia-to-give-up-moscow-truth-social_n_68a1df07e4b07702299b5342 &quot;Trump Writes Post About Moscow That's Absurd Even For Him&quot;] ''Huffington Post'' (August 17, 2025)

* The very unattractive (both inside and out!) Senator from Connecticut, Chris Murphy, said ‘Putin got everything that he wanted.’ Actually, ‘nobody got anything,’ too soon, but getting close. Murphy is a lightweight who thinks it made the Russian President look good in coming to America.
: Actually, it was very hard for President Putin to do so. This war can be ended, NOW, but stupid people like Chris Murphy, John Bolton, and others, make it much harder to do so.
:* [https://www.foxnews.com/politics/trump-blasts-lightweight-dem-senator-who-criticized-putin-summit-alaska-stupid &quot;Trump blasts 'lightweight' Dem senator who criticized Putin summit in Alaska: 'Stupid'&quot;] ''FOX News'' (August 18, 2025)

[[File:Scourged back by McPherson &amp; Oliver, 1863, colourised.jpg|thumb|[[Smithsonian Institution|The Smithsonian]] is OUT OF [[Control|CONTROL]], where everything discussed is how horrible [[United States|our Country]] is, how [[bad]] [[Slavery]] was, and how unaccomplished [[Oppression|the downtrodden]] have been — [[Nothing]] about [[Success]], nothing about Brightness, nothing about the [[Future]].]]
* The Fake News has been saying for 3 days that I suffered a ‘major defeat’ by allowing President Vladimir Putin of Russia to have a major Summit in the United States.  Actually, he would have loved doing the meeting anywhere else but the U.S., and the Fake News knows this.
** Claimed about Vladimir Putin, who is subject to an [https://www.icc-cpi.int/news/situation-ukraine-icc-judges-issue-arrest-warrants-against-vladimir-vladimirovich-putin-and arrest warrant] that in most of the developed, democratic countries would have made him be arrested and sent to the International Criminal Court in Hague for prosecution for war crimes.  Quoted in [https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/5457134-trump-putin-summit-criticism/ &quot;Trump criticizes ‘fake news,’ Democrat, Zelensky in series of posts&quot;] ''The Hill'' (August 17, 2025)

* ''Said about Melania Trump and the son that Donald and Melania have together:''
: She’s got a great love of children, she has a wonderful son that she loves probably more than anybody, including me, I hate to say it,
:* [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/donald-trump-melania-barron-b2809877.html &quot;Trump admits that Melania loves Barron more than him: ‘I hate to say it’&quot;] ''Independent'' (August 18, 2025)

* Bela
** [https://www.ndtv.com/offbeat/a-new-covfefe-donald-trumps-latest-one-word-post-confuses-internet-9105612 &quot;A New Covfefe? Donald Trump's Latest One-Word Post Confuses Internet&quot;] ''NDTV'' (August 18, 2025)

* The [[Museums]] throughout [[Washington D. C.|Washington]], but all over [[United States|the Country]] are, essentially, the last remaining segment of &quot;[[w:Woke|WOKE]].&quot; The Smithsonian is OUT OF [[Control|CONTROL]], where everything discussed is how horrible our Country is, how [[bad]] [[Slavery]] was, and how unaccomplished [[Oppression|the downtrodden]] have been — [[Nothing]] about [[Success]], nothing about Brightness, nothing about the [[Future]]. We are not going to allow this to happen, and I have instructed my [[attorneys]] to go through the [[Museums]], and start the exact same process that has been done with Colleges and [[Universities]] where tremendous progress has been made. This Country cannot be WOKE because WOKE IS BROKE. We have the “HOTTEST” Country in the World, and we want people to talk about it, including in our Museums.
** [https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/115056914674717313 ''Truthsocial.com'' posting (August 19, 2025)]

* I want to try and get to heaven if possible…. I'm hearing I'm not doing well. …I am really at the bottom of the totem pole. But if I can get to heaven, this will be one of the reasons.
**Speaking on ''Fox and Friends'' regarding his desire to bring an end to the Russia-Ukraine War [https://www.themirror.com/entertainment/celebrity-news/trump-tells-fox-hosts-hes-1338143 &quot;Donald Trump shares fears he won't go to heaven as he says he's 'not doing well'&quot;] '' The Mirror US'' (August 19, 2025)[https://www.themirror.com/news/us-news/donald-trump-heaven-fears-health-1339753]

* When you go to a voting booth, and you do it the right way, and you go to a state that runs it properly, you go in -- they even asked me, they asked me for my license plate. I said, 'I don't know if I have it.' They said, 'Sir, you have to have it.' I was very impressed actually.&quot;
** [https://www.jalopnik.com/1944138/trump-claims-license-plate-voting/ &quot;Trump Claims He Was Asked For His License Plate At The Voting Booth&quot;] ''Jalopnink'' (August 19, 2025)

* MSNBC IS DOING SO POORLY IN THE RATINGS THAT THEY ARE LOOKING TO CHANGE THEIR NAME IN ORDER TO GET AWAY FROM THE STENCH OF THEIR FAKE NEWS PRODUCT.  SO MUCH FUN TO WATCH THEIR WEAK AND INEFFECTIVE OWNER, ‘CONCAST,’ HEADED BY DOPEY BRIAN ROBERTS, HOPELESSLY AND AIMLESSLY FLAILING IN THE WIND IN AN ATTEMPT TO DISASSOCIATE ITSELF FROM THE GARBAGE THAT THEY CREATED! MSNBC IS A FAILURE BY ANY NAME!!!”
** [https://www.tvinsider.com/1210320/trump-cankles-truth-social-msnbc-lawrence-odonnell-video/ &quot;Trump Rants Against MSNBC After Lawrence O’Donnell Mocks His ‘Cankle’ Issue&quot;] ''TV Insider'' (August 21, 2025)

*They say, ‘we don’t need him, freedom, freedom, he’s a dictator, he’s a dictator.’ A lot of people are saying, ‘Maybe we would like a dictator.’ I don’t like a dictator; I’m not a dictator. I’m a man with great common sense, and I’m a smart person.
**[https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-dictator-crime-cities-b2813664.html Trump insists he is not a dictator - but claims that many people think the US could use one] ''Independent'' (August 25, 2025)

*Despite a very high popularity and, according to many, among the greatest 8 months in Presidential History, ABC &amp; NBC FAKE NEWS, two of the worst and most biased networks in history, give me 97% BAD STORIES. IF THAT IS THE CASE, THEY ARE SIMPLY AN ARM OF THE DEMOCRAT PARTY AND SHOULD, ACCORDING TO MANY, HAVE THEIR LICENSES REVOKED BY THE FCC. I would be totally in favor of that because they are so biased and untruthful, an actual threat to our Democracy!!!
**From ''Truth Social'', reported in [https://www.newsweek.com/trump-media-nbc-abc-fcc-license-revoked-fees-2118632 Trump Calls For 'Fake News' Networks To Have Licenses Revoked by FCC] ''Newsweek'' (August 25, 2025)

* Except what is written and broadcast in the Fake News, I now have the highest poll numbers I’ve ever had, some in the 60’s and even 70’s.
** [https://www.nj.com/politics/2025/08/trump-keeps-boasting-about-his-popularity-but-where-does-he-really-stand.html &quot;Trump keeps boasting about his popularity. But where does he really stand?&quot;] ''NJ.com'' (August 25, 2025)

* If you burn a flag, you get one year in jail; no early exits, no nothing.
** [https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2025/8/25/trump-bans-burning-of-us-flag-in-defiance-of-constitutional-protections &quot;Trump bans burning of US flag in defiance of constitutional protections&quot;] ''Al Jazeera'' (August 25, 2025)

* WHAT IS GOING ON IN SOUTH KOREA? Seems like a Purge or Revolution. We can’t have that and do business there.
** [https://eu.detroitnews.com/story/news/politics/2025/08/25/trump-claims-purge-or-revolution-in-south-korea-ahead-of-meeting-with-new-leader/85820943007/ &quot;Trump claims 'Purge or Revolution' in South Korea ahead of meeting with new leader&quot;] ''Detroit News'' (August 25, 2025)

*And I don't like getting into looks. You know, looks don't mean anything, right? When you're in politics, looks don't matter.&lt;br&gt;Look at Pam, I would never say she was beautiful because that would be the end of my political career.
**[https://www.irishstar.com/news/politics/breaking-donald-trump-makes-creepy-35530513 Donald Trump makes 'creepy' flirty comment toward Pam Bondi during Cabinet meeting] ''Irish Star'' (August 26, 2025)

*The Department of Defense… It didn’t sound good — defense. Why are we on defense? So it used to be called the Department of War, and it had a stronger sound. And as you know, we won World War I. We won World War II. We won everything. Now we have a Department of Defense. We’re defenders.&lt;br&gt; I think Department of War, it just sounded better. We want defense, but we want offense too, if that’s OK. So you’ll make a decision. But you know, as Department of War, we won everything.
**[https://indianexpress.com/article/world/trump-renaming-pentagon-department-of-war-10212728/ Trump wants to rename Department of Defense as ‘Department of War’: ‘It has a stronger sound’] ''The Indian Express'' (August 26, 2025)

* Baltimore is a hellhole.
** [https://www.fox13now.com/politics/the-president/trump-calls-baltimore-a-hellhole-during-cabinet-meeting &quot;Trump calls Baltimore a 'hellhole' during cabinet meeting&quot;] ''Fox 13'' (August 26, 2025)

* I have the right to do anything I want to do. I'm the president of the United States. If I think our country is in danger, and it is in danger in these cities, I can do it.
** [https://rollcall.com/2025/08/27/the-u-s-system-always-had-loopholes-trump-2-0-exploits-what-others-resisted/ The US system always had loopholes. Trump 2.0 exploits what others resisted] ''Roll Call'' (August 26, 2025)

* There is a sick rumour going around that Fake News NBC extended the contract of one of the least talented late-night television hosts out there, Seth Meyers. He has no Ratings, Talent, or Intelligence, and the Personality of an insecure child.  So, why would Fake News NBC extend this dope’s contract. I don’t know, but I’ll definitely be finding out!!!
** [https://www.livemint.com/news/us-news/after-stephen-colbert-donald-trump-now-targets-seth-meyers-host-of-late-night-personality-of-an-insecure-child-11756289725956.html &quot;After Stephen Colbert, Donald Trump now targets Seth Meyers, host of ‘Late Night’: ‘Personality of an insecure child’&quot;] ''Mint'' (August 27, 2025)

* I’m sure that Ukraine thought they were going to win, you’re going to beat someone that’s 15 times your size ... you don’t go into a war that’s 15 times your size.
** [https://uk.news.yahoo.com/trump-repeats-favourite-kremlin-talking-113114361.html &quot;Trump Repeats His Favourite Kremlin Talking Point In Latest Anti-Ukraine Outburst&quot;] ''Yahoo / Huffington Post'' (August 27, 2025)

*Today a Highly Partisan Appeals Court incorrectly said that our Tariffs should be removed, but they know the United States of America will win in the end. If these Tariffs ever went away, it would be a total disaster for the Country. It would make us financially weak, and we have to be strong…. For many years, Tariffs were allowed to be used against us by our uncaring and unwise Politicians. Now, with the help of the United States Supreme Court, we will use them to the benefit of our Nation, and Make America Rich, Strong, and Powerful Again!
**[https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2025/08/29/most-trump-tariffs-are-not-legal-us-appeals-court-rules/85895611007/ Most Trump tariffs are illegal, appeals court rules, setting up Supreme Court showdown] ''USA Today'' (August 29, 2025)

==== September 2025 ====

*NEVER FELT BETTER IN MY LIFE
**In response to questions about his health (bruised hands, swollen ankles, crooked gait) and lack of recent public appearances [https://www.the-independent.com/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-health-rumors-response-truth-social-b2817486.html Trump claps back after weekend of speculation about his health: ‘Never felt better in my life’] ''The Independent'' (September 1, 2025)[https://economictimes.indiatimes.com/news/international/global-trends/why-is-trump-struggling-to-walk-in-a-straight-line-new-questions-erupt-over-us-presidents-health-after-summit-with-putin/articleshow/123331093.cms]

*The problem I have with Colorado, one of the big problems, is they do mail-in voting. They went to all mail-in voting, so they have automatically crooked elections and we can’t have that. When a state is for mail-in voting that means they want dishonest elections because that’s what that means.
**One of the reasons given for moving U.S. Space Command headquarters from Colorado to Alabama [https://www.msn.com/en-nz/news/other/trump-ends-turf-war-and-will-move-space-command-hq-to-alabama-from-colorado/ar-AA1LJwJY Trump ends turf war and will move Space Command HQ to Alabama from Colorado] ''MSN'' (September 2, 2025)

* I used, at the White House, the most beautiful marble and stone available anywhere. Surfaces are very important to me as a Builder. As everyone knows, I built many GREAT Buildings, and other things, over the years. At the White House, I am very proud of the beautiful stonework we did in the Rose Garden, in this case, using limestone plus. The Rose Garden is completed, and far more beautiful than anyone ever had in mind when it was conceived of decades ago. Three days ago, while admiring the stonework, I happened to notice a huge gash in the limestone that extended more than 25 yards long. It was deep and nasty! I started yelling, “Who did this, and I want to find out now!” — And I didn’t say this in a nice manner. I wondered, “Was it vandalism or, was it stupidity?” Lo and behold, because of the fact that we’ve installed the finest security equipment anywhere, they brought back the stupid people, with their boss watching (in sunglasses!). It was a subcontractor that was installing heavy landscaping on a steel cart that was broken and tilting badly, with it rubbing hard against the soft, beautiful stone. I love and respect great workers and contractors but something like this should never happen. Now, I’ll replace the stone, charge the contractor, and never let that contractor work at the White House again — But, how great is the video equipment? We caught them, cold. MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!
** [https://www.esquire.com/news-politics/politics/a65961231/trump-rose-garden-truth-social/ &quot;Trump Caught Whoever Scraped Up the Renovated White House Rose Garden&quot;] ''Esquire'' (September 2, 2025)

*I want to try and get to Heaven
**From a campaign fundraising email asking supporters to contribute $15 during a 24-hour fundraising blitz [https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-heaven-donations-2123679 Donald Trump Asks For $15 Donations to 'Get to Heaven'] ''Newsweek'' (September 3, 2025)

* Without the United States, everything in the world would die.
* We get along with India very well.
** [https://www.businesstoday.in/world/us/story/without-us-everything-in-world-would-die-trump-defends-his-tariffs-as-war-settler-492175-2025-09-03 &quot;'Without US, everything in world would die': Trump defends his tariffs as 'war settler'&quot;] ''Business Today'' (September 3, 2025)

* Looks like we've lost India and Russia to deepest, darkest China. May they have a long and prosperous future together!
** [https://www.ndtv.com/world-news/weve-lost-india-russia-to-deepest-darkest-china-donald-trumps-latest-9222384 &quot;&quot;We've Lost India, Russia To Deepest, Darkest China&quot;: Donald Trump's Latest&quot;] ''NDTV'' (September 5, 2025)

* At least 54 people were shot in Chicago over the weekend, 8 people were killed. The last two weekends were similar.  &lt;b&gt;Chicago is the worst and most dangerous city in the World, by far&lt;/b&gt;. Pritzker needs help badly, he just doesn’t know it yet. I will solve the crime problem fast.  
* ‘I love the smell of deportations in the morning...’ &lt;b&gt;Chicago about to find out why it’s called the Department of WAR.&lt;/b&gt;
** [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/donald-trump-threatens-chicago-deportations-department-war-crackdown-rcna229544 &quot;'Chipocalypse Now': Trump threatens Chicago with deportations and Department of War ahead of potential crackdown&quot;] ''NBC News'' (September 6, 2025)&lt;/ref&gt;

* Our great West Point (getting greater all the time!) has smartly cancelled the Award Ceremony for actor Tom Hanks. Important move! We don’t need destructive, WOKE recipients getting our cherished American Awards!!! 
** [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025/sep/08/trump-tom-hanks-woke &quot;Trump attacks Tom Hanks after West Point cancels event honoring actor&quot;] ''The Guardian'' (September 8, 2025)

* Look, you have some vaccines that are so amazing, the polio vaccine I happen to think is amazing. A lot of people think that Covid is amazing. You know there are many people that believe strongly in that. But you have some vaccines that are so incredible, and I think you have to be very careful when you say that some people don't have to be vaccinated. It's a very, you know, it's a very tough position, so I'll give you an answer. I'll give you the feeling, but just initially I heard about it yesterday and it's a tough stance. Look, you have vaccines that work. They just pure and simple work. They're not controversial at all, and I think those vaccine should be used. Otherwise some people are going to catch it and they endanger other people, and when you don’t have controversy at all, I think people should take it.
** Responding to the proposed removal of vaccination mandates in Florida. &quot;[https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025/sep/14/florida-vaccine-joseph-ladapo-trump Florida vaccine mandate rollback falters after Trump criticism]&quot;, ''The Guardian'' (September 8, 2025)

*Things that take place in the home, they call crime. They’ll do anything they can to find something. &lt;b&gt;If a man has a little fight with the wife, they say this was a crime scene.&lt;/b&gt;
**Expressing frustration that domestic violence incidents are counted as part of city-wide crime totals, thus raising the number of verified crimes in Washington DC [https://www.the-independent.com/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-domestic-violence-crime-statistics-b2822877.html ‘A little fight with the wife’: Trump suggests domestic violence should not be counted in official crime statistics] ''Independent'' (September 9, 2025)

*It’s long past time for all Americans and the media to confront the fact that violence and murder are the tragic consequence of demonizing those with whom you disagree day after day, year after year, in the most hateful and despicable way possible. 
**[https://time.com/7316299/charlie-kirk-shot-death-donald-trump-speech-transcript-political-violence/ ‘A Dark Moment for America’: Trump Responds to Charlie Kirk’s Death] ''Time'' (September 10, 2025)

*I tell you something that is going to get me in trouble, but I couldn’t care less. The radicals on the right are radical because they don’t want to see crime … The radicals on the left are the problem – and they are vicious and horrible and politically savvy. They want men in women’s sports, they want transgender for everyone, they want open borders. The worst thing that happened to this country.
**In response to Ainsley Earhardt’s questions, “How do we fix this country? How do we come back together?” following the shooting death of Charlie Kirk [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025/sep/12/trump-fox-friends-charlie-kirk-shooting Trump declines to call for unity after Charlie Kirk killing in stunning move] ''The Guardian'' (September 12, 2025)

*I have read someplace that the networks were 97% against me, again, 97% negative, and yet I won and easily, all seven swing states. ... They give me only bad publicity, press. I mean, they’re getting a license. I would think maybe their license should be taken away….&lt;br&gt;When you have a network and you have evening shows, and all they do is hit Trump. That’s all they do. If you go back, I guess they haven’t had a conservative on in years or something somebody said. But when you go back, take a look, all they do is hit Trump. They’re licensed. They’re not allowed to do that. They’re an arm of the Democrat Party.
**Speaking to reporters aboard Air Force One [https://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/maddowblog/not-allowed-trump-makes-ridiculous-new-claims-media-critics-free-press-rcna232231 ‘Not allowed’: Trump makes ridiculous new claims about media critics and the free press] MSNBC (September 18, 2025)

*He was a missionary with a noble spirit and a great, great purpose. He did not hate his opponents. He wanted the best for them. That’s where I disagreed with Charlie. I &lt;i&gt;hate&lt;/i&gt; my opponent, and I don’t want the best for them. I’m sorry.
**Speaking at Charlie Kirk memorial service [https://time.com/7319196/charlie-kirk-funeral-trump-watch/ Trump Says Kirk ‘Did Not Hate His Opponents … That’s Where I Disagreed With Charlie’ at Funeral for Conservative Activist] ''Time'' (September 21, 2025)

*Acetaminophen. Is that okay? Which is basically, commonly known as Tylenol. Can be associated with a very increased risk of autism. So taking Tylenol is not good. I’ll say it, it’s not good.

* '''Nothing bad can happen. It can only good happen.''' But with Tylenol, don't take it. Don't take it. And if you can't live, if your fever is so bad, you have to take one because there's no alternative to that. Sadly. First question, &quot;What can you take instead?&quot; It's actually, there's not an alternative to that. And as you know, other of the medicines are absolutely proven bad. I mean, they've been proven bad with the aspirins and the Advils and others, right? And they've been proven bad.
**At a press conference along with members of his administration [[Robert Francis Kennedy, Jr.]] and [[Mehmet Oz]], [https://singjupost.com/transcript-trump-rfk-jr-and-dr-oz-on-autism-rates-and-tylenol/ Transcript: Trump, RFK Jr. and Dr. Oz on Autism Rates and Tylenol] ''The Singju Post'' (September 22, 2025)

*I ended seven wars, dealt with the leaders of each and every one of these countries, and never even received a phone call from the United Nations offering to help in finalizing the deal. All I got from the United Nations was an escalator that on the way up stopped right in the middle. If the First Lady wasn't in great shape, she would've fallen. But she's in great shape. We're both in good shape, we both stood. And then a teleprompter that didn't work. These are the two things I got from the United Nations, a bad escalator and a bad teleprompter. Thank you very much....&lt;/br&gt;According to the Council of Europe, in 2024, almost 50% of inmates in German prisons were foreign nationals or migrants. In Austria, the number was 53% of the people in prisons were from places that weren't from where they are now. In Greece, the number was 54%. And in Switzerland, beautiful Switzerland, 72% of the people in prisons are from outside of Switzerland. When your prisons are filled with so-called asylum seekers who repaid kindness, and that's what they did, they repaid kindness with crime, it's time to end the failed experiment of open borders. You have to end it now. I see it, I can tell you. I'm really good at this stuff. Your countries are going to hell. In America, we've taken bold action to swiftly shut down uncontrolled migration. Once we started detaining and deporting everyone who crossed the border and removing illegal aliens from the United States, they simply stopped coming. They're not coming anymore.
**[https://www.rev.com/transcripts/trump-speaks-at-un Speech to the United Nations] (September 23, 2025)

* I can’t believe ABC Fake News gave Jimmy Kimmel his job back. The White House was told by ABC that his Show was cancelled! Something happened between then and now because his audience is GONE, and his “talent” was never there. Why would they want someone back who does so poorly, who’s not funny, and who puts the Network in jeopardy by playing 99% positive Democrat GARBAGE. He is yet another arm of the DNC and, to the best of my knowledge, that would be a major Illegal Campaign Contribution. I think we’re going to test ABC out on this. Let’s see how we do. Last time I went after them, they gave me $16 Million Dollars. This one sounds even more lucrative. A true bunch of losers! Let Jimmy Kimmel rot in his bad Ratings.
** [https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2025/sep/24/jimmy-kimmel-says-trump-tried-his-best-to-cancel-him-as-his-show-returns-to-air-after-suspension &quot;Jimmy Kimmel says silencing comedians is ‘anti American’, as his show returns to air after suspension&quot;] ''The Guardian'' (September 24, 2025)

* I’m going to be meeting with generals and with admirals and with leaders, and if I don’t like somebody, I’m going to fire them right on the spot.
* I never walked into a room so silent before.  If you want to applaud, you applaud. You can do anything you want.  If you don’t like what I’m saying, you can leave the room. But there goes your rank and there goes your future.
** [https://www.huffpost.com/entry/trump-threatens-to-fire-generals-meeting_n_68dbf67fe4b003b6c8dc2d76 &quot;Trump Threatens To Fire Military Leaders ‘On The Spot’ If They Cross Him&quot;] ''Huffignton Post'' (September 30, 2025)

*I hope I never have to use the nuclear arsenal.
**Spero di non dover mai usare l'arsenale nucleare. 
***''[https://www.ansa.it/sito/notizie/mondo/nordamerica/2025/09/30/trump-spero-di-non-dover-mai-usare-larsenale-nucleare_aa475fa6-b9a4-4b3f-baa7-993c4e608307.html Trump, spero di non dover mai usare l'arsenale nucleare]'', ''[[w:ANSA|ANSA]].it'', 30 September 2025 (in Italian)

==== October 2025 ====

* I am very proud to announce that [[Israel]] and [[Hamas]] have both signed off on the first Phase of our Peace Plan. This means that ALL of the Hostages will be released very soon, and Israel will withdraw their Troops to an agreed upon line as the first steps toward a Strong, Durable, and Everlasting [[Peace]]. All Parties will be treated fairly!&lt;br /&gt; This is a GREAT Day for the [[Arab]] and [[Muslim]] World, [[Israel]], all surrounding [[Nations]], and the [[United States of America]], and we thank the mediators from [[Qatar]], [[Egypt]], and [[Turkey]], who worked with us to make this [[Historic]] and Unprecedented Event happen. [[Blessings|BLESSED]] ARE THE PEACEMAKERS!
** [https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/115340993884364431 Post on Truth Social (8 October 2025)] · also the [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/statement-israel-and-hamas-accepting-peace-plan The American Presidency Project]

*After so many years of unceasing war and endless danger, today the skies are calm, the guns are silent, the sirens are still, and the sun rises on a Holy Land that is finally at peace, a land and a region that will live, God willing, in peace for all eternity.
**[https://abcnews.go.com/US/trump-declares-end-israel-hamas-war-experts-hard/story?id=126482789 Trump declares end of Israel-Hamas war, but experts see the hard work as just beginning] ''ABC News'' (October 14, 2025)

*Over the next few days, it's going to be demolished. Everything out there is coming down, and we're replacing it with one of the most beautiful ballrooms that you've ever seen.
**Regarding the demolition of the [[w:East Wing|East Wing]] of the White House, speaking to donors for the construction of a new ballroom [https://www.miamiherald.com/news/politics-government/article312585121.html Trump’s East Wing destruction echoes his tactics at Mar-a-Lago and Trump Tower] ''Miami Herald'' (October 21, 2025)

*&quot;You're the third best President in the United…&quot; This was on television. &quot;Third best.&quot; And they said, &quot;Who are the first two? George Washington and Abraham Lincoln.&quot; And I got extremely angry at this man. You know? It is going to be tough to beat, Mr. Senator... It's going to be very tough to beat Washington and Lincoln, but we're going to give it a try, right?
**Reacting to what a television commentator had said, [https://www.irishstar.com/news/us-news/donald-trump-health-delusion-fears-36114247 Trump's latest rant fuels more health fears as he shows repeated delusion] ''Irish Times'' (October 22, 2025)

==== November 2025 ====

*Why does NBC waste its time and money on a guy like this??? – NO TALENT, NO RATINGS, 100% ANTI TRUMP, WHICH IS PROBABLY ILLEGAL!!!
**Referring to [[Seth Meyers]] in a Truth Social post [https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/tv/articles/trump-79-claims-illegal-night-003833952.html Trump, 79, Claims It’s ‘Illegal’ for Late-Night Host to Mock Him] Yahoo! News (November 1, 2025)

*SNAP BENEFITS, which increased by Billions and Billions of Dollars (MANY FOLD!) during Crooked Joe Biden's disastrous term in office, will be given only when the Radical Left Democrats open up government.
**[https://www.axios.com/2025/11/04/trump-snap-after-shutdown-ends?utm_source=chatgpt.com Trump says SNAP will only get paid after shutdown, defying multiple court orders] ''Axios'' (November 4, 2025)

*And you know, one other thing, our country has to remain very liquid because problems, catastrophes, wars, could be anything. We have to remain liquid.&lt;br&gt;We can’t give everything away based on a number.&lt;br&gt;Here’s an example. When I was president, the number that you’re talking about was a tiny fraction of what it is now. Biden went totally crazy, gave it to anybody that would ask, gave it to people that were able-bodied, had no problem.&lt;br&gt;Anybody who would ask would get the number. And it’s many times the number of people around.&lt;br&gt;This wasn’t meant for that. It was meant for people that had real problems, in many cases people that were down and out, people that could be saved.&lt;br&gt;It wasn’t for people who could do whatever they want, the people that say, Well, I don’t think I’ll work. I’ll just, you know, collect this money.
**When asked by a reporter what his message was to folks who are missing SNAP benefits [https://www.yahoo.com/news/articles/trump-goes-rant-staying-very-134934000.html Trump Goes on Rant About Staying ‘Very Liquid’ When Fox Reporter Confronts Him Over Judge’s SNAP-Food Stamps Order] Yahoo! News (November 7, 2025)

*They said, ‘Oh, I don’t want to talk about affordability. The reason I don’t want to talk about affordability is because everybody knows that it’s far less expensive under Trump than it was under Sleepy Joe Biden, and the prices are way down.
**[https://www.yahoo.com/news/articles/cnn-host-skewers-trump-over-235330797.html CNN Host Skewers Trump Over Latest Food Price Claims: 'The Numbers Don't Lie'] ''Yahoo News'' (November 8, 2025)

*I don’t know that they are saying that. I think polls are fake. We have the greatest economy we’ve ever had.
**When asked by Fox News host [[Laura Ingraham]] &quot;Why are people saying they’re anxious about the economy?&quot; [https://www.mediaite.com/media/tv/foxs-laura-ingraham-confronts-trump-on-50-year-mortgage-plan-is-that-really-a-good-idea/ Fox’s Laura Ingraham Confronts Trump on 50-Year Mortgage Plan: ‘Is That Really a Good Idea?’] ''Mediaite'' (November 10, 2025)

*Epstein was a Democrat, and he is the Democrat’s problem, not the Republican’s problem! Ask Bill Clinton, Reid Hoffman, and Larry Summers about Epstein, they know all about him, don’t waste your time with Trump. I have a Country to run!
**[https://www.reuters.com/world/us/trump-says-he-will-ask-justice-department-probe-epstein-ties-with-bill-clinton-2025-11-14/ Trump asks Justice Department to probe Epstein ties with Bill Clinton, other Democrats] ''Reuters'' (November 14, 2025)[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/115548539359870302]

* I had an MRI.  The doctor said it was the best result he has ever seen as a doctor.
** [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-mri-walter-reed-doctor-b2865809.html &quot;Trump claims his recent MRI was part of regular checkup: ‘The doctor said it was the best result he’s ever seen as a doctor’&quot;] ''Independent'' (November 15, 2025)

* Marjorie 'Traitor' Green [sic] is a disgrace to our GREAT REPUBLICAN PARTY!
* All I see &quot;Wacky&quot; Marjorie do is COMPLAIN, COMPLAIN, COMPLAIN!
* She has told many people that she is upset that I don't return her phone calls anymore.  I can't take a ranting Lunatic's call every day.
** [https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c9wv4dx05q5o &quot;Feud erupts between Trump and ally Marjorie Taylor Greene ahead of Epstein files vote&quot;], ''BBC'' (November 16, 2025)

*I don’t think her life is in danger. I don’t think, frankly, I don’t think anybody cares about her.
**Responding to a reporter about [[Marjorie Taylor Greene]]’s claim that his comments are putting her life in danger [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/congress/rep-marjorie-taylor-greene-blasts-trump-vicious-unwarranted-attacks-re-rcna244351 Marjorie Taylor Greene blasts Trump for 'vicious' attacks after saying her company received a pipe bomb threat] ''NBC News'' (November 17, 2025)

* Quiet, piggy.
** [https://www.thedailybeast.com/testy-trump-lashes-out-at-female-reporter-asking-about-epstein-quiet-piggy/ &quot;Trump Lashes Out at Female Reporter Asking About Epstein: ‘Quiet, Piggy!’&quot;] ''The Daily Beast'' (November 18, 2025)

*It’s called SEDITIOUS BEHAVIOR AT THE HIGHEST LEVEL. Each one of these traitors to our Country should be ARRESTED AND PUT ON TRIAL. Their words cannot be allowed to stand – We won’t have a Country anymore!!! An example MUST BE SET. President DJT
*This is really bad, and Dangerous to our Country. Their words cannot be allowed to stand. SEDITIOUS BEHAVIOR FROM TRAITORS!!! LOCK THEM UP??? President DJT
*SEDITIOUS BEHAVIOR, punishable by DEATH!
**Series of Truth Social posts suggesting Senators Elissa Slotkin and Mark Kelly, as well as Representatives Jason Crow, Chris Deluzio, Chrissy Houlahan, and Maggie Goodlander be arrested and put to death for a video they made urging military members to “refuse illegal orders” issued “against American citizens” [https://www.mediaite.com/media/news/an-example-must-be-set-trump-calls-for-democrats-who-urged-soldiers-to-disobey-illegal-orders-to-be-arrested-and-put-on-trial/ ‘Punishable by DEATH’: Trump Floats Execution for Democrats Who Urged Soldiers to Disobey Illegal Orders] ''Mediate'' (November 20, 2025)

*'''Reporter:''' [The Afghan refugee] was vetted and the vetting came up clean.&lt;br&gt;'''Donald Trump:''' He went cuckoo. I mean, he went nuts, and that happens too. It happens too often with these people….There was no vetting or anything, they came in unvetted…&lt;br&gt;'''Reporter:''' Actually, your DOJ IG just reported this year that there was thorough vetting by DHS and by the FBI of these Afghans who were brought into the U.S. So why do you blame the Biden administration?&lt;br&gt;'''Trump:''' Because they let ’em in. Are you stupid? Are you a stupid person? Because they came into on a plane along with thousands of other people that shouldn’t be here, and you’re just asking questions because you’re a stupid person.
**Responding to a female reporter regarding the Afghan refugee, vetted by the Trump DOJ, who shot two national guardsmen in Washington DC on Thanksgiving Day [https://www.huffpost.com/entry/donald-trump-stupid-attack_n_6928ebbfe4b0237ded13a17a  Trump Rips Into Another Female Reporter With Incredibly 'Stupid' Personal Attack] ''Huffington Post'' (November 27, 2025)

===== Press conference with Zohran Mamdani (21 November 2025) =====
[[File:President Trump Meets with Zohran Mamdani, Mayor-Elect, New York City (11212025).webm|222px|right]]

* We have one thing in common. We want this city of ours that we love to do very well, and I wanted to congratulate the mayor. He really ran an incredible race against, you know, a lot of smart people, starting with the early primaries against some very tough people, very smart people, and he beat them and he beat them easily, and I congratulated him. … I think you're going to have hopefully a really great mayor. The better he does, the happier I am. I will say there's no difference in party. There's no difference in anything, and we're going to be helping him. To make everybody's dream come true, having a strong and very safe New York, and congratulations, [[Zohran Mamdani|Mr. Mayor]].

* I can tell you some of my views have [[changed]] and we had discussions on some things. I'm not going to discuss what they were, but that I feel very [[confident]] that he can do a very good job. I think I think he's going to be — I think he is going to [[surprise]] some [[conservative]] [[people]] actually — and some very [[liberal]] people — he won't surprise them because they already like him.

==== December 2025 ====

*If [drug producers] come through a certain country, or any country, or if we think they're building mills for, whether it's fentanyl or cocaine. I hear the country of Colombia is making cocaine, they have cocaine manufacturing plants... Anybody that's doing that and selling it into our country is subject to attack… Not just Venezuela.
**Indicates military strikes are possible in other countries if they are suspected of producing or transporting drugs [https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-colombia-drugs-military-strikes-venezuela-11144611  Donald Trump Threatens Expanding Military Strikes to More Countries] ''Newsweek'' (December 2, 2025)

*Any and all Documents, Proclamations, Executive Orders, Memorandums, or Contracts, signed by Order of the now infamous and unauthorized 'AUTOPEN,' within the Administration of Joseph R. Biden Jr., are hereby null, void, and of no further force or effect. Anyone receiving 'Pardons,' 'Commutations,' or any other Legal Document so signed, please be advised that said Document has been fully and completely terminated, and is of no Legal effect.
**[https://www.newsweek.com/trump-says-biden-autopen-pardons-invalid-11145591 Trump Says All Pardons, Commutations Signed by Biden Autopen ‘Terminated’] ''Newsweek'' (December 2, 2025)

*The word affordability is a con job by the Democrats. The word affordability is a Democrat scam.
**Responding to Democrats' complaints about inflation at today's Cabinet meeting [https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2025/12/02/trump-cabinet-meeting-venezuela-live-updates/87566205007/ 'Affordability is a con job by the Democrats,' Trump says] ''USA Today'' (December 2, 2025)

*&lt;b&gt;ABC News Reporter Selina Wang:&lt;/b&gt; Mr. President, you released video of that first boat strike on September 2nd, but not the second video. Will you release video [of the September 2 US military strikes against a suspected drug-smuggling boat in the Caribbean] so that the American people can see for themselves what happened?&lt;br&gt;&lt;b&gt;Donald Trump:&lt;/b&gt; I don’t know what they have, but whatever they have we’d certainly release, no problem.
**[https://www.cnn.com/2025/12/08/politics/fact-check-trump-september-strike-video Fact check: Trump denies saying something he said on camera five days ago] ''CNN'' (December 3, 2025)

* You'll never see me sleeping in front of a camera.
** [https://www.express.co.uk/showbiz/tv-radio/2142156/sleepy-donald-trump-humiliated &quot;'Sleepy' Donald Trump humiliated with own words in resurfaced TV appearance&quot;] ''Express'' (December 4, 2025)

*&lt;b&gt;ABC News Reporter Rachel Scott:&lt;/b&gt; Mr. President, you said you would have no problem with releasing the full video of that strike on September 2nd off the coast of Venezuela. Secretary Hegseth now says –&lt;br&gt;&lt;b&gt;Donald Trump:&lt;/b&gt; I didn’t say that. That’s – you said that, I didn’t say that. This is ABC fake news.&lt;br&gt;&lt;b&gt;Scott:&lt;/b&gt; You said that you would have no problem releasing the full vi(deo)….&lt;br&gt;&lt;b&gt;Trump:&lt;/b&gt; Whatever Hegseth wants to do is OK with me.&lt;br&gt;&lt;b&gt;Scott:&lt;/b&gt; He now says it’s under review. Are you ordering the secretary to release that full video?&lt;br&gt;&lt;b&gt;Trump:&lt;/b&gt; Whatever he decides is OK with me. So every boat we knock out of the water, every boat, we save 25,000 American lives. That was a boat loaded up with drugs....&lt;br&gt;&lt;b&gt;Scott:&lt;/b&gt; Are you committed to releasing the full video?&lt;br&gt;&lt;b&gt;Trump:&lt;/b&gt; Didn’t I just tell you that?&lt;br&gt;&lt;b&gt;Scott:&lt;/b&gt; You said it was up to Secretary Hegseth.&lt;br&gt;&lt;b&gt;Trump:&lt;/b&gt; You are the most obnoxious reporter in the whole place. Let me just tell you, you are an obnoxious—actually, a terrible reporter, and it’s always the same with you.
**[https://www.cnn.com/2025/12/08/politics/fact-check-trump-september-strike-video Fact check: Trump denies saying something he said on camera five days ago] ''CNN'' (December 8, 2025)[https://newrepublic.com/post/204152/donald-trump-pulls-180-releasing-boat-strike-video]

* The word 'affordability' is a con job by the Democrats.  The word 'affordability' is a Democrat scam.
** [https://eu.usatoday.com/story/opinion/columnist/2025/12/14/trump-economy-inflation-affordability-hoax/87725036007/ &quot;Stop criticizing Trump's bad economy. You're making him sad.&quot;] Opinion by Rex Hupke, in ''USA Today'' (December 14, 2025)

*A very sad thing happened last night in Hollywood. Rob Reiner, a tortured and struggling, but once very talented movie director and comedy star, has passed away, together with his wife, Michele, reportedly due to the anger he caused others through his massive, unyielding, and incurable affliction with a mind crippling disease known as TRUMP DERANGEMENT SYNDROME, sometimes referred to as TDS. He was known to have driven people CRAZY by his raging obsession of President Donald J. Trump, with his obvious paranoia reaching new heights as the Trump Administration surpassed all goals and expectations of greatness, and with the Golden Age of America upon us, perhaps like never before. May Rob and Michele rest in peace!
**Truth Social post one day after [[Wikipedia:Rob Reiner|Rob Reiner]] and his wife, Michele, were found dead in their Los Angeles home due to an apparent homicide [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/trump-disparages-rob-reiner-political-views-murder/# Trump disparages Rob Reiner's political views a day after his murder] ''CBS News'' (December 15, 2025)

* Twenty-eight thousand people die a year from a snake bite, a certain snake.  It’s a viper, right? It’s said to be the most poisonous snake in the world.  The chances of living from that snake are substantially less than 1 percent and that’s only if you have the venom. Even if you have the venom you don’t live.
** Claimed about snake bites in Peru, with a survival rate of around 98 %, killing some tens of persons per year, quoted in [https://www.peruviantimes.com/15/fact-checking-president-trumps-peru-viper-tale/32669/ &quot;Fact-checking President Trump’s Peru viper tale&quot;] ''Peruvian Times'' (December 15, 2025)

* I was never on Epstein's Plane.
** [https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c74xgp81pqgo &quot;Trump travelled on Epstein's plane more than previously thought, newly released prosecutor's email says&quot;] ''BBC'' (December 23, 2025)

* Merry Christmas to all, including the Radical Left Scum that is doing everything possible to destroy our Country, but are failing badly.
** [https://www.trtworld.com/article/08dba4da974b &quot;Trump calls Democrats 'radical left scum' in Christmas Eve message] ''TRT World'' (December 25, 2025)

* Merry Christmas to all, including the many Sleazebags who loved Jeffrey Epstein, gave him bundles of money, went to his Island, attended his parties, and thought he was the greatest guy on earth, only to ‘drop him like a dog’ when things got too HOT, falsely claimed they had nothing to do with him, didn’t know him, said he was a disgusting person, and then blame, of course, President Donald J. Trump, who was actually the only one who did drop Epstein, and long before it became fashionable to do so.  
** [https://www.yahoo.com/news/articles/sleazebags-trump-wishes-merry-christmas-012444246.html &quot;'Sleazebags': Trump Wishes A Merry Christmas To ... Epstein Island Visitors?!?&quot;] ''Huffington Post / Yahoo News'' (December 26, 2025)

* My friends will get hurt.
** [https://uk.news.yahoo.com/trump-yelled-friends-hurt-marjorie-181823942.html Trump Yelled 'My Friends Will Get Hurt' at Marjorie Taylor Greene for Threatening to Name Epstein Abusers, She Claims] (December 29, 2025)


===== Address to the Nation (17 December 2025) =====
*Eleven months ago, I inherited a mess, and I’m fixing it. When I took office, inflation was the worst in 48 years, and some would say in the history of our country, which caused prices to be higher than ever before, making life unaffordable for millions and millions of Americans. This happened during a Democrat administration, and it’s when we first began hearing the word affordability.

*Over the past 11 months, we have brought more positive change to Washington than any administration in American history.

*For the last four years, the United States was ruled by politicians who fought only for insiders, illegal aliens, career criminals, corporate lobbyists, prisoners, terrorists and, above all, foreign nations, which took advantage of us at levels never seen before. They flooded your cities and towns with illegal aliens. They decimated your hard-earned savings. They indoctrinated your children with hate for America, released, really, I mean, they just released a level of violent felons that we had never seen to prey on innocent. They caused war. They caused mayhem. They caused a horrible situation all over the globe.

*Here at home, we are bringing our economy back from the brink of ruin. The last administration and their allies in Congress looted our Treasury for trillions of dollars, driving up prices and everything at levels never seen before. I am bringing those high prices down and bringing them down very fast.

*Democrat politicians also sent the cost of groceries soaring, but we are solving that, too. The price of a Thanksgiving turkey was down 33 percent compared to the Biden last year. The price of eggs is down 82 percent since March, and everything else is falling rapidly. And it’s not done yet, but boy, are we making progress. Nobody can believe what’s going on.

*Already, I’ve secured a record-breaking $18 trillion of investment into the United States, which means jobs, wage increases, growth, factory openings and far greater national security. Much of this success has been accomplished by tariffs, my favorite word, tariffs, which for many decades have been used successfully by other countries against us, but not anymore.

*One year ago, our country was dead. We were absolutely dead. Our country was ready to fail. Totally fail. Now we’re the hottest country anywhere in the world. And that’s said by every single leader that I’ve spoken to over the last five months.

*I negotiated directly with the drug companies and foreign nations, which were taken advantage of our country for many decades to slash prices on drugs and pharmaceuticals by as much as 400, 500 and even 600 percent.

*The current unaffordable care act was created to make insurance companies rich. It was bad health care at much too high a cost, and you see that now in the steep increase in premiums being demanded by the Democrats. And they are demanding those increases and it’s their fault. It is not the Republicans’ fault. It’s the Democrats’ fault. It’s the unaffordable care act, and everybody knew it.&lt;br&gt;Again, I want the money to go directly to the people so you can buy your own health care. You’ll get much better health care at a much lower price. The only losers will be insurance companies that have gotten rich, and the Democrat Party, which is totally controlled by those same insurance companies. They will not be happy, but that’s OK with me because you, the people, are finally going to be getting great health care at a lower cost.

*On Day 1, I declared a national energy emergency. Gasoline is now under $2.50 a gallon, and in much of the country, in some states, it, by the way, just hit $1.99 a gallon.

*Tonight, after 11 months, our border is secure, inflation has stopped, wages are up, prices are down, our nation is strong, America is respected, and our country is back, stronger than ever before. We’re poised for an economic boom the likes of which the world has never seen. Soon we will host the World Cup and the Olympics, both of which I got. But most importantly, we will celebrate the 250th anniversary of the Declaration of Independence.&lt;br&gt;There could be no more fitting tribute to this epic milestone than to complete the comeback of America that began just one year ago. When the world looks at us next year, let them see a nation that is loyal to its citizens, faithful to its workers, confident to its identity, certain to its destiny and the envy of the entire globe. We are respected again, like we have never been respected before.
**[https://www.nytimes.com/2025/12/17/us/politics/trump-speech-transcript-economy.html Full Transcript of President Trump’s Speech on the Economy] ''The New York Times'' (December 17, 2025)
** [https://edition.cnn.com/2025/12/17/politics/fact-check-trump-prime-time-address &quot;Fact check: Trump repeats numerous false claims in prime-time address&quot;] ''CNN'' (December 18, 2025)

===2026===
====January 2026====

*Peace. Peace on Earth.
**When asked what his New Year's resolution was [https://www.foxnews.com/politics/president-donald-trump-shares-his-new-years-resolution.print President Donald Trump shares his New Year's resolution] ''Fox News'' (January 1, 2026)

*Somalians ripped off that state for billions of dollars, billions every year, billions of dollars. And they contribute nothing. The welfare is like 88 percent. They contribute nothing. I don’t want them in our country. I’ll be honest with you, okay? Somebody said, ‘Oh, that’s not politically correct.’ I don’t care. I don’t want them in our country. Their country’s no good for a reason. Their country stinks, and we don’t want them in our country.
**[https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/2025/12/02/somalis-minnesota-trump-walz-immigration-enforcement/ Trump rails against Somali migrants], ''Washington Post'' (January 4, 2026) 

*Yeah, there is one thing. My own morality. My own mind. It’s the only thing that can stop me. I don’t need international law. I’m not looking to hurt people.
**When asked if there were any limits on his global powers [https://www.nytimes.com/2026/01/08/us/politics/trump-interview-power-morality.html?unlocked_article_code=1.C1A.ZfEI.Unv_CN3B-FBv&amp;smid=url- Trump Lays Out a Vision of Power Restrained Only by ‘My Own Morality’] ''The New York Times'' (January 8, 2026)

*I’m not talking about money for [[Greenland]], yet.&lt;br&gt;I might talk about that, but right now we are going to do something on Greenland, whether they like it or not. Because if we don’t do it, Russia or China will take over Greenland, and we’re not going to have Russia or China as a neighbor.&lt;br&gt;…The fact that [Denmark] had a boat land there 500 years ago doesn’t mean that they own the land. [I’m] sure we had lots of boats go there also.&lt;br&gt;So we’re going to be doing something with Greenland, either the nice way or the more difficult [way].
**[https://www.cnbc.com/2026/01/09/trump-greenland-military-denmark-nato.html Trump: ‘We are going to do something on Greenland whether they like it or not’] ''CNBC'' (January 9, 2026)

* You got to win the midterms because if we don't win the midterms, it's just going to be — I mean, they'll find a reason to impeach me. &lt;b&gt;I'll get impeached.&lt;/b&gt;
* They say that when you win the presidency, you lose the midterm. So, you're all brilliant people. Most of you are in this business longer than me. That makes me smarter than you, because look where I am right? No, it doesn't. But I wish you could, explain to me what the hell's going on with the mind of the public. Because we have a — we have the right policy. They don't. They have a horrible policy. They do stick together.
* They had the worst president, did the worst job. They had the worst policy. We have to even run against these people. Now, I won't say cancel the election, &lt;b&gt;they should cancel the election&lt;/b&gt;, because the fake news will say, 'He wants the elections canceled. He's a dictator.' They always call me a dictator.
** [https://eu.delawareonline.com/story/news/2026/01/15/trump-impeachment-update-2026-is-trump-getting-impeached-midterm-elections-cancelled-predictions/88195759007/ &quot;Is Trump getting impeached in 2026? Here's what he said about cancelling midterms&quot;] ''Delaware Online / USA TODAY NETWORK'' (January 15, 2026)

* Dear Jonas:  Considering your Country decided not to give me the Nobel Peace Prize for having stopped 8 Wars PLUS, &lt;b&gt;I no longer feel an obligation to think purely of Peace&lt;/b&gt;, although it will always be predominant, but can now think about what is good and proper for the United States of America. Denmark cannot protect that land from Russia or China, and why do they have a “right of ownership” anyway? There are no written documents, it’s only a boat that landed there hundreds of years ago, but we had boats landing there, also. &lt;b&gt;I have done more for NATO than any person since its founding&lt;/b&gt;, and &lt;b&gt;now, NATO should do something for the United States. The World is not secure unless we have Complete and Total Control of Greenland.&lt;/b&gt; Thank you! President DJT
** Message to Norwegian prime minister [[w:Jonas Gahr Støre|Jonas Gahr Støre]], as cited in [https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/2026/01/trump-letter-to-norway/685676/ &quot;Trump’s Letter to Norway Should Be the Last Straw - Will Republicans in Congress ever step in?&quot;] ''The Atlantic'' (January 19, 2026)
* I don't care about the Nobel Prize. 
* I think I have saved tens of millions of lives.
** [https://edition.cnn.com/2026/01/20/us/video/trump-dont-care-about-the-nobel-prize-digvid-vrtc &quot;Trump: I don't care about the Nobel prize&quot;] ''CNN'' (January 20, 2026)

===== Remarks on U.S. military operations in Venezuela (3 January 2026) =====

* Late last night and early today at my direction the United States armed forces conducted [[w:2026 United States strikes in Venezuela|an extraordinary military operation]] in the capital of [[Venezuela]].

* The lights of Caracas were largely turned off due to a certain expertise that we have. It was dark and it was deadly. But captured along with his wife, [[w:Cilia Flores|Cilia Flores]], both of whom now face American justice. 

* '''We are going to run the country until such time as we can do a safe, proper and judicious transition.'''

* Under our new national security strategy, American dominance in the western hemisphere will never be questioned again.

*'''We're going to be taking out a tremendous amount of wealth out of the ground''', and that wealth is going to the people of Venezuela and people from outside of Venezuela that used to be in Venezuela, and it goes also to the United States of America in the form of reimbursement for the damages caused by that country.
**Response to a question from the press following his remarks on operations in Venezuela [https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/trumps-vow-run-venezuela-sell-oil-part-plan/story?id=128873221 Trump's vow to 'run' Venezuela, sell oil, part of plan to dominate Western Hemisphere] ''ABC News'' (January 3, 2026)

==== February 2026====
[[File:Kennedy Center (46399777861).jpg|thumb| The [[w:Kennedy Center|Trump Kennedy Center]] will close on [[Independence Day (United States)|July 4th]], 2026, in [[honor]] of the 250th Anniversary of [[United States|our Country]], whereupon we will simultaneously begin Construction of the new and spectacular Entertainment Complex.]]

* I have determined that the fastest way to bring [[w:Kennedy Center|The Trump Kennedy Center]] to the highest level of Success, Beauty, and Grandeur, is to cease Entertainment Operations for an approximately two year period of time, with a scheduled Grand Reopening that will rival and surpass anything that has taken place with respect to such a Facility before.
** [https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/115997939705121174 Announcement of closure] of the [[w:Kennedy Center|John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts]] (1 February 2026), referred to by Trump as &quot;The Trump Kennedy Center&quot; without authorization of such a renaming by the US Congress.

* The Grammy Awards are the WORST, virtually unwatchable! Noah said, INCORRECTLY about me, that Donald Trump and Bill Clinton spent time on Epstein Island.
** [https://edition.cnn.com/2026/02/02/politics/trevor-noah-trump-grammys-epstein &quot;Trump slams Grammys and threatens to sue host Trevor Noah after Epstein joke&quot;] ''CNN'' (February 2, 2026)

* I don't want to drive housing prices down, I want to drive housing prices up for people that own their homes and they can be assured that's what's going to happen.
** [https://finance.yahoo.com/news/trump-wants-drive-us-house-103900744.html &quot;Trump wants to drive US house prices up for homeowners, block those who don’t ‘work very hard’ from buying. Do this now&quot;] ''Moneywise / Yahoo Finance'' (February 4, 2026)

* ''About the 2024 election:'' I had to win it. I needed it for my own ego. I would have had a bad ego for the rest of my life. Now I really have a big ego. 
* I don’t know how a person of faith can vote for a Democrat.
** [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026/feb/05/trump-religious-right-republicans &quot;The way, the Trump and the lies: prayer breakfast displays US right’s devil’s pact&quot;] ''The Guardian'' (February 5, 2026)

* U.S. Olympic Skier, Hunter Hess, a real Loser, says he doesn’t represent his Country in the current Winter Olympics.  If that’s the case, he shouldn’t have tried out for the Team, and it’s too bad he’s on it.
** Written about Hunter Hess, who has said that just because he's wearing the flag doesn't mean he is representing all that is going on in the US, quoted in [https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/5728563-trump-rips-hunter-hess-olympics/ &quot;Trump rips Olympic skier over remarks about representing US&quot;] ''The Hill'' (February 8, 2026)

* The Super Bowl Halftime Show is absolutely terrible, one of the worst, EVER!  It makes no sense, is an affront to the Greatness of America, and doesn’t represent our standards of Success, Creativity, or Excellence.
** Claimed about the show with the US rapper [[w:Bad Bunny | Bad Bunny]], quoted in [https://www.reuters.com/world/us/trump-says-bad-bunnys-super-bowl-halftime-show-was-absolutely-terrible-2026-02-09/ &quot;Trump says Bad Bunny's Super Bowl halftime was 'absolutely terrible'&quot;] ''Reuters'' ( February 9, 2026) 

* I am predicting 100,000 on the DOW by the end of my Term. REMEMBER TRUMP WAS RIGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING!
** [https://finance.yahoo.com/news/trump-says-everything-credits-tariffs-193104611.html &quot;Trump Says He 'Was Right About Everything,' Credits Tariffs For Dow Jones At 50,000, Predicts It Will Reach 100,000 By This Time&quot;] ''Yahoo Finance'' (February 10, 2026)

* TARIFFS have given us Great National Security because the mere mention of the word has Countries agreeing to our strongest wishes,
* Any Republican, in the House or the Senate, that votes against TARIFFS will seriously suffer the consequences come Election time, and that includes Primaries!
** [https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/5734521-trump-tariffs-primary-threat/ &quot;Trump threatens ‘consequences’ for Republicans who voted against tariffs on Canada&quot;] ''The Hill'' (February 11, 2026)

===== Announcement of major combat operations in Iran (28 February 2026) =====
[[File:President Donald J. Trump on the United States Military Major Combat Operations in Iran.webm|thumb|Trump on major combat operations in Iran]]
:&lt;small&gt;[https://www.pbs.org/newshour/world/read-trumps-full-statement-on-iran-attack Full statement at PBS (28 February 2026)]&lt;/small&gt;
[[File:Trump announcing strikes on Iran, February 28 2026.png|thumb|A short time ago, the [[United States]] [[military]] began [[w:2026 Israeli–United States strikes on Iran|major combat operations]] in [[Iran]].]]
[[File:President Donald J. Trump oversees Operation Epic Fury at Mar-a-Lago, Palm Beach, FL, Feb. 28, 2026. (White House photo by Daniel Torok) (55121599389).jpg|thumb|My administration is taking every possible step to minimize the risk to U.S. personnel in the region. Even so, and I do not make this statement lightly, the Iranian regime seeks to kill. The lives of courageous American heroes may be lost, and we may have casualties. That often happens in war.]]

* A short time ago, the United States military began major combat operations in Iran. Our objective is to defend the American people by eliminating imminent threats from the Iranian regime. A vicious group of very hard, terrible people. Its menacing activities directly endanger the United States, our troops, our bases overseas, and our allies throughout the world.

* Iran is the world's number one state sponsor of terror, and just recently killed tens of thousands of its own citizens on the street as they protested. It has always been the policy of the United States, in particular my administration, that this terrorist regime can never have a nuclear weapon. I'll say it again, they can never have a nuclear weapon.

* They've rejected every opportunity to renounce their nuclear ambitions, and we can't take it anymore. Instead, they attempted to rebuild their nuclear program and to continue developing the long range missiles that can now threaten our very good friends and allies in Europe, our troops stationed overseas, and could soon reach the American homeland. Just imagine how emboldened this regime would be if they ever had, and actually were armed with nuclear weapons as a means to deliver their message. &lt;br /&gt; For these reasons, the United States military is undertaking a massive and ongoing operation to prevent this very wicked, radical dictatorship from threatening America and our core national security interests. We're going to destroy their missiles and raze their missile industry to the ground. It will be totally again obliterated. We're going to annihilate their navy. We're going to ensure that the region's terrorist proxies can no longer destabilize the region or the world and attack our forces, and no longer use their IEDs, or roadside bombs as they are sometimes called, to so gravely wound and kill thousands and thousands of people, including many Americans. And we will ensure that Iran does not obtain a nuclear weapon. It's a very simple message. They will never have a nuclear weapon.

* This regime will soon learn that no one should challenge the strength and might of the United States Armed Forces. I built and rebuilt our military in my first administration and there is no military on earth even close to its power, strength or sophistication. My administration is taking every possible step to minimize the risk to U.S. personnel in the region. Even so, and I do not make this statement lightly, the Iranian regime seeks to kill. The lives of courageous American heroes may be lost, and we may have casualties. That often happens in war. But we're doing this not for now. We're doing this for the future. And it is a noble mission. We pray for every service member as they selflessly risk their lives to ensure that Americans and our children will never be threatened by a nuclear-armed Iran. We ask God to protect all of our heroes in harm's way. And we trust that with his help, the men and women of the armed forces will prevail. We have the greatest in the world, and they will prevail.

* To the members of the Islamic Revolutionary Guard, the armed forces and all of the police, I say tonight that you must lay down your weapons and have complete immunity. Or in the alternative, face certain death. So, lay down your arms. You will be treated fairly with total immunity, or you will face certain death. Finally, to the great proud people of Iran, I say tonight that the hour of your freedom is at hand. Stay sheltered. Don't leave your home. It's very dangerous outside. Bombs will be dropping everywhere. When we are finished, take over your government. It will be yours to take. This will be probably your only chance for generations. &lt;br /&gt; For many years, you have asked for America's help. But you never got it. No president was willing to do what I am willing to do tonight. Now you have a president who is giving you what you want. So let's see how you respond. America is backing you with overwhelming strength and devastating force. Now is the time to seize control of your destiny, and to unleash the prosperous and glorious future that is close within your reach. This is the moment for action. Do not let it pass.

==== March 2026 ====
{{See also|2026 Iran war}}

* There will be no deal with Iran except UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER!
* IRAN WILL HAVE A GREAT FUTURE. 'MAKE IRAN GREAT AGAIN (MIGA!).'” 
** [https://x.com/WhiteHouse/status/2029923412269809980 &quot;UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER!&quot;] ''The White House'' (March 6, 2026)

* Iran, which is being beat to HELL, has apologized and surrendered to its Middle East neighbors, and promised that it will not shoot at them anymore. This promise was only made because of the relentless U.S. and Israeli attack... Iran is no longer the 'Bully of the Middle East,' they are, instead, 'THE LOSER OF THE MIDDLE EAST,'
** [https://www.instagram.com/p/DVliTBoFFXd/ &quot;IRAN WILL BE HIT VERY HARD!&quot;] ''White House'' (March 7, 2026)

* I think the war is very complete, pretty much.
* If you look, they have nothing left. There's nothing left in a military sense.
* If they do anything bad, that would be the end of Iran and you'd never hear the name again.
* Wrapping up is all in my mind, nobody else's.
** [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/trump-iran-cbs-news-the-war-is-very-complete-strait-hormuz/ &quot;Trump says &quot;the war is very complete,&quot; and he's considering taking over Strait of Hormuz&quot;] ''CBS News'' (March 9, 2026)

* We think they should put a president in or the head of the country that’s going to be able to do something peacefully for a change. They’ve been doing this for 47 years, killing people for 47 years. Whether it’s the barracks or even the SS Cole where they were involved, very strongly, they always denied it.  But they were very strongly involved and all of the &lt;b&gt;people that died through the roadside bombs died and are right now walking around with no legs, no arms.&lt;/b&gt; A face that’s been so badly damaged.
** Claimed about the people of Iran and about the [[w:October 2000 bombing of USS Cole | October 2000 bombing of USS Cole ]] in Yemen by Al Qaida, quoted in [https://newrepublic.com/post/207572/trump-rant-dead-soldiers-walking-around-no-legs-iran &quot;Trump Goes on Deranged Rant About Dead Soldiers Walking Around&quot;] ''The New Republic'' (March 10, 2026)

* These ships should go through the Strait of Hormuz and show some guts, there’s nothing to be afraid of ... They have no Navy, we sunk all their ships.
** [https://www.newsweek.com/hormuz-strait-attacks-follow-trump-saying-crews-should-show-some-guts-11660339 &quot;Hormuz Strait Attacks Follow Trump Saying Crews Should ‘Show Some Guts’&quot;] ''Newsweek'' (March 11, 2026)

* The United States is the largest oil producer in the world, by far, so when oil prices go up, we make a lot of money.
* The straits are in great shape. We’ve knocked out all of their boats. They have some missiles, but not very many. I think we’re in very good … we’re in very good shape.
** [https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/5780543-us-oil-prices-trump/ &quot;Trump: ‘When oil prices go up, we make a lot of money’&quot;] ''The Hill'' (March 12, 2026)

* I don't want the president of the United States to have a cognitive deficiency.
** [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/newsom-trump-cognitive-ability-2028-election-b2936871.html &quot;Newsom gives scathing two-word retort after Trump publicly questions governor’s mental health and ‘cognitive’ ability&quot;] ''Independent'' (March 12, 2026)

* You never like to say too early you won. We won. We won the bet — in the first hour, it was over.
** [https://www.ms.now/news/news-analysis/trump-iran-winning-project-47-newsletter &quot;‘We’ve won’: Trump’s declarations of victory in war with Iran defy reality&quot;] ''MS Now'' (March 12, 2026)

* It's an excursion that will keep us out of a war, and the war is going to be, uh -- I mean, for them it's a war. For us, it's turned out to be easier than we thought.
** [https://abcnews.com/Politics/excursion-war-trump-analysis/story?id=131003550 &quot;A 'little excursion' or 'war'? It's 'both,' Trump says: ANALYSIS&quot;] ''ABC News'' (March 13, 2026)

* Watch what happens to these deranged scumbags today.  They’ve been killing innocent people all over the world for 47 years, and now I, as the 47th President of the United States of America, am killing them. What a great honor it is to do so! 
** [https://www.latimes.com/politics/story/2026-03-15/trump-hegseth-iran-war-rhetoric &quot;Trump’s war rhetoric is coarse. It’s also heard differently, depending on the audience&quot;] ''Los Angeles Times'' (March 15, 2026)

* We may hit it a few more times just for fun.
** [https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2026/3/15/trump-says-us-may-hit-irans-kharg-island-again-just-for-fun &quot;Trump says US may hit Iran’s Kharg Island again ‘just for fun’&quot;] ''AlJazeera'' (March 15, 2026)

* I’ve spoken to a certain president, who I like, actually. A past president, a former president. He said, 'I wish I did it.' But they didn't do it. I'm doing it.
** [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-iran-war-president-call-b2940315.html &quot;Trump says he spoke to an ex-president who praised his Iran War. They all deny taking the call&quot;] ''Independent'' (March 17, 2026)

* ''About [[w:Joe Kent | Joe Kent]], former director of the National Counterterrorism Center:'' It’s a good thing that he’s out because he said Iran was not a threat. 
** [https://washingtonstatestandard.com/2026/03/17/was-joe-kent-leaving-trump-administration-over-war-in-iran/ &quot;WA’s Joe Kent leaving Trump administration over war in Iran&quot;] ''Washington State Standard'' (March 17, 2026)

* My attitude is, we don’t need anybody. We’re the strongest nation in the world. We have the strongest military by far in the world. We don’t need them.
** [https://www.tvinsider.com/1252321/cnns-kasie-hunt-mocks-trump-over-his-bizarre-press-briefing/ &quot;CNN’s Kasie Hunt Mocks Trump Over His Bizarre Press Briefing&quot;] ''TV Insider'' (March 17, 2026)

* NATO nations have done absolutely nothing to help with the lunatic nation, now militarily decimated, of Iran. the U.S.A needs nothing from NATO, but “never forget&quot; this very important point in time!&quot;
** [https://www.news18.com/world/done-absolutely-nothing-trump-fires-at-nato-nations-for-no-action-on-lunatic-iran-9998722.html &quot;'Done Absolutely Nothing': Trump Fires At NATO Nations For No Action On 'Lunatic Iran'&quot;] ''News 18'' (March 26, 2026)

* When we go in, we went in very hard, and we didn't tell anybody about it, because we wanted surprise—Who knows better about surprise than Japan? Why didn't you tell me about Pearl Harbor?
** In response to a reporter questioning why the US did not inform its NATO allies before launching strikes on Iran, during a joint press conference with Japanese Prime Minister Sanae Takaichi, quoted in [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/pearl-harbor-joke-iran-operation-meeting-japan-prime-minister-war-rcna264325 &quot;Trump makes Pearl Harbor joke during meeting with Japanese prime minister&quot;] ''NBC News'' (March 19, 2026)

* ''About the attack on Iran:'' We could have dialogue, but I don’t want to do a ceasefire.  You know you don’t do a ceasefire when you’re literally obliterating the other side.
** [https://www.cnbc.com/2026/03/20/trump-iran-war-ceasefire.html &quot;Trump says he doesn’t want Iran war ceasefire, but is considering ‘winding down’ military ops&quot;] ''CNBC'' (March 20, 2026)

* Robert Mueller just died. Good, I’m glad he’s dead. He can no longer hurt innocent people! 
** [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026/mar/21/robert-mueller-special-counsel-trump-russia-dies &quot;Robert Mueller, special counsel who investigated Trump-Russia ties, dies at 81&quot;] ''The Guardian'' (March 21, 2026)

* I read a story today that I’m desperate to make a deal…. I’m the opposite of desperate. I don’t care. I want to know ― in fact, we have other targets we want to hit before we leave. We’re hitting them on a daily basis.
* We don’t need the Hormuz Strait. We don’t need it. We don’t need it at all. We don’t ― we have so much oil. Our country is not affected by this.  
** [https://www.huffpost.com/entry/trump-iran-peace-deal_n_69c58c70e4b09f8e00509ee8 &quot;Trump Trots Out Wildly Contradictory Iran War Claims — And Says He Doesn't Care If There's A Peace Deal&quot;] ''Huffington Post'' (March 26, 2026)

: ''About the US attack on Iran:'' 
* I can’t say what we’re going to do because if I did, I wouldn’t be sitting here for long. They’d probably — what is it called? The 25th Amendment? — They’d institute the 25th Amendment.
** [https://www.yahoo.com/news/articles/donald-trump-jokes-cabinet-25th-103104867.html &quot;Donald Trump Jokes Cabinet Would Use 25th Amendment to Remove Him&quot;] ''Mandatory / Yahoo News'' (March 27, 2026)

* See, I get into a war — of course, they call it a war, I call it a military conflict.  But there’s a legal reason for that.  I said, ‘Look, you know, we have a thing called a war,’ or as they would rather say, a military operation. It’s for legal reasons.  I say ‘military’ because as a military operation, I don’t need any approvals. As a war, you’re supposed to get approval from Congress. Something like that.
** [https://www.yahoo.com/news/articles/call-war-trump-reveals-real-172604512.html &quot;'They Call It A War': Trump Reveals Real Reason He Keeps Calling Iran War Something Else&quot;] ''Huffington Post / Yahoo News'' (March 28, 2026)

* I always like to hang around with losers, actually, because it makes me feel better.  I hate guys that are very, very successful and you have to listen to their success stories. I like people that like to listen to my success.
** [https://www.aol.com/articles/five-unhinged-trump-moments-investment-100000181.html &quot;Five unhinged Trump moments at investment summit from weird interruption to filthy question&quot;] ''AOL'' (March 28)

* To be honest with you, my favourite thing is to take the oil in Iran, but some stupid people back in the US say: ‘Why are you doing that?’ But they’re stupid people.
* Maybe we take Kharg Island, maybe we don’t. We have a lot of options. It would also mean we had to be there for a while.
** [https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2026/3/30/trump-wants-to-invade-iran-to-seize-oil-calls-us-objectors-stupid &quot;Trump wants to invade Iran to seize oil, calls US objectors ‘stupid people’&quot;] ''Al Jazeera'' (March 30, 2026)

* The Republicans are wonderful people. We're dealing with very sick people. The Democrats are sick; there's something wrong. They're like terrorists.
** [https://www.aol.com/entertainment/donald-trump-ruthlessly-dubbed-inept-133940897.html &quot;Donald Trump ruthlessly dubbed an 'inept pile of garbage' amid Democrat 'terrorist' jab&quot;] ''AOL'' (March 30, 2026)

* All of those countries that can’t get jet fuel because of the Strait of Hormuz, like the United Kingdom, which refused to get involved in the decapitation of Iran, I have a suggestion for you: Number 1, buy from the U.S., we have plenty, and Number 2, build up some delayed courage, go to the Strait, and just TAKE IT.
* You’ll have to start learning how to fight for yourself, the U.S.A. won’t be there to help you anymore, just like you weren’t there for us.  Iran has been, essentially, decimated. The hard part is done. Go get your own oil!
** [https://nypost.com/2026/03/31/us-news/trump-lashes-out-at-france-and-uk-over-strait-of-hormuz/ &quot;Trump lashes out at France and UK, says nations should ‘just take’ Strait of Hormuz to replenish lost oil&quot;] ''New York Post'' (March 31, 2026)

==== April 2026 ====

* We're going to hit them extremely hard over the next two to three weeks — we're going to bring them back to the Stone Age, where they belong.
** [https://www.war.gov/News/News-Stories/Article/Article/4450132/trump-objectives-in-iran-near-completion-terrorist-nation-bully-no-longer/ &quot;Trump: Objectives in Iran Near Completion, Terrorist Nation 'Bully No Longer'&quot;] ''US Department of war'' (April 1, 2026)

* We could just take their oil. But, you know, I’m not sure that the people in our country have the patience to do that, which is unfortunate.  They want to see it end. If we stayed there, I prefer just to take the oil. We could do it so easily; I would prefer that. But people in the country sort of say, ‘Just win. You’re winning so big, just win. Come home.
* With a little more time, we can easily OPEN THE HORMUZ STRAIT, TAKE THE OIL, &amp; MAKE A FORTUNE
* KEEP THE OIL, ANYONE?
** [https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2026/4/3/trump-says-with-more-time-us-can-take-the-oil-in-iran &quot;Trump says with more time, US can ‘take the oil’ in Iran&quot;] ''Al Jazeera'' (April 3, 2026)

* Tuesday will be Power Plant Day, and Bridge Day, all wrapped up in one, in Iran. There will be nothing like it!!! Open the Fuckin' Strait, you crazy bastards, or you'll be living in Hell - JUST WATCH! Praise be to Allah. President DONALD J. TRUMP
** [https://www.politico.com/news/2026/04/05/trump-threatens-iranian-infrastructure-hormuz-00859268?utm_medium=referral&amp;utm_source=snews &quot;Trump again threatens to hit Iranian civil infrastructure&quot;] ''Politico'' (April 5, 2026)

* A whole civilization will die tonight, never to be brought back again. I don’t want that to happen, but it probably will. However, now that we have Complete and Total Regime Change, where different, smarter, and less radicalized minds prevail, maybe something revolutionarily wonderful can happen, WHO KNOWS? We will find out tonight, one of the most important moments in the long and complex history of the World. 47 years of extortion, corruption, and death, will finally end. God Bless the Great People of Iran!
** [https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-iran-warning-whole-civilization-die-11792792 &quot;Trump Issues New Warning to Iran: ‘A Whole Civilization Will Die Tonight’&quot;] ''Newsweek'' (April 7, 2026)

* I know why Tucker Carlson, Megyn Kelly, Candace Owens, and Alex Jones have all been fighting me for years, especially by the fact that they think it is wonderful for Iran, the Number One State Sponsor of Terror, to have a Nuclear Weapon — Because they have one thing in common, Low IQs. They’re stupid people, they know it, their families know it, and everyone else knows it, too! Look at their past, look at their record. They don’t have what it takes, and they never did! They’ve all been thrown off Television, lost their Shows, and aren’t even invited on TV because nobody cares about them, they’re NUT JOBS, TROUBLEMAKERS, and will say anything necessary for some “free” and cheap publicity. 
** [https://thehill.com/homenews/media/5824607-trump-iran-war-tucker-carlson-megyn-kelly/ &quot;Trump slams conservative media figures over splitting with him on Iran&quot;] ''The Hill'' (April 9, 2026)

* Effective immediately, the United States Navy, the Finest in the World, will begin the process of BLOCKADING any and all Ships trying to enter, or leave, the Strait of Hormuz.  
* Any Iranian who fires at us, or at peaceful vessels, will be BLOWN TO HELL!
** [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/trump-strait-of-hormuz-blockade-iran/ &quot;Trump says U.S. will blockade Strait of Hormuz and intercept ships that paid tolls to Iran&quot;] ''CBS News'' (April 12, 2026)

* We don’t like a pope that’s going to say that it’s OK to have a nuclear weapon. We don’t want a pope that says crime is OK in our cities. I don’t like it. I’m not a big fan of Pope Leo,
* Pope Leo is WEAK on Crime, and terrible for Foreign Policy
* Leo should be thankful because, as everyone knows, he was a shocking surprise. He wasn’t on any list to be Pope, and was only put there by the Church because he was an American, and they thought that would be the best way to deal with President Donald J. Trump. If I wasn’t in the White House, Leo wouldn’t be in the Vatican.
** [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-says-not-big-fan-weak-terrible-pope-leo-rcna331461 &quot;Trump assails Pope Leo as 'weak' and 'terrible' after pontiff's Iran war criticism&quot;] ''NBC News'' (April 13, 2026)

* Gas prices have come down very much in the last three or four days
* They are not very high.
* Everything's going really well.
** [https://www.cnbc.com/2026/04/16/trump-gas-prices-iran-war.html &quot;Trump says gas prices ‘not very high’ as most U.S. voters blame him for price spike&quot;] ''CNBC'' (April 16, 2026)

* 'Corner stores'!?  What is a corner store?  I've never heard that term. I know what a corner store is, but I've never heard it described, a ‘corner store.’ 
** [https://www.indy100.com/politics/trump/trump-corner-store-reaction &quot;Trump doesn’t know what a corner store is – and people think it says a lot about him&quot;] ''Indy100'' (April 17, 2026)

* We have a very good relationship with Iran right now, as hard as it is to believe.  And I think it is a combination of about four weeks of bombing and a very powerful blockade.
** [https://www.timesofisrael.com/trump-says-second-round-of-talks-with-iran-could-take-place-this-weekend/ &quot;Trump says 2nd round of Iran talks could be this weekend, war ‘should’ end soon&quot;] ''The Times of Israel'' (April 20, 2026)

* I would have won Vietnam very quickly.  I would have, if I were president.
** Claimed about the Vietnam War (1955-1975), quoted in [https://ca.news.yahoo.com/trump-boasts-won-vietnam-very-130316917.html &quot;Trump boasts ‘I would have won Vietnam very quickly’ ... despite getting ‘bone spur’ excuse to avoid draft&quot;] ''Independent / Yahoo News'' (April 21, 2026)

* A RIGGED ELECTION TOOK PLACE LAST NIGHT IN THE GREAT COMMONWEALTH OF VIRGINIA! 
* As everyone knows, I am an extraordinarily brilliant person.
** [https://ca.news.yahoo.com/extraordinarily-brilliant-trump-leaves-no-181143288.html &quot;‘Extraordinarily brilliant’ Trump leaves no doubt he will challenge any election GOP losses as ‘rigged’ with latest post&quot;] ''Independent / Yahoo News'' (April 22, 2026)

* I just cancelled the trip of my representatives going to Islamabad, Pakistan, to meet with the Iranians.  Too much time wasted on traveling, too much work! Besides which, there is tremendous infighting and confusion within their ‘leadership. Nobody knows who is in charge, including them. Also, we have all the cards, they have none! If they want to talk, all they have to do is call!!!
** [https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/5849794-trump-iran-peace-negotiations/ &quot;Trump says he won’t send officials to Pakistan for negotiations&quot;] ''The Hill'' (April 26, 2026)

* When you have, you know, lines of vast amounts of oil pouring through your system, if for any reason that line is closed because you can’t continue to put it into containers or ships, which has happened to them — they have no ships because of the blockade — what happens is that line explodes from within, both mechanically and in the earth.  It’s something that happens where it just explodes. And they say they only have about three days left before that happens. And when it explodes, you can never, regardless, you can never rebuild it the way it was.
** [https://nypost.com/2026/04/26/us-news/trump-claims-irans-oil-infrastructure-may-explode-in-three-days-due-to-us-blockade/ &quot;Trump claims Iran’s oil infrastructure may explode in three days due to US blockade&quot;] ''New York Post'' (April 26, 2026)

* The Chancellor of Germany, Friedrich Merz, thinks it’s OK for Iran to have a Nuclear Weapon. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about! If Iran had a Nuclear Weapon, the whole World would be held hostage.
* I am doing something with Iran, right now, that other Nations, or Presidents, should have done long ago. No wonder Germany is doing so poorly, both Economically, and otherwise!
* They’re a respected country.  I have a very good relationship with the country – in particular now, with this leader.
** [https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2026/4/28/trump-scolds-germanys-merz-for-criticism-of-iran-war &quot;Trump scolds Germany’s Merz for criticism of Iran war&quot;] ''AlJazeera'' (April 28, 2026)

* He &amp;#91;[[Charles III|King Charles]] of the United Kingdom] made a great speech. I was very jealous.
* I want to congratulate Charles on having made a fantastic speech today at Congress.  He got the [[Democrats]] to stand, I’ve never been able to do that, I couldn’t believe it.
** [https://www.wionews.com/world/trump-admits-he-s-very-jealous-after-king-charles-did-the-one-thing-he-could-never-pull-off-at-the-capitol-1777442027803#goog_rewarded &quot;Trump admits he's 'very jealous' after King Charles did the one thing he could never pull off at the Capitol&quot;] ''Wion'' (April 29, 2026)

* I think Ukraine, militarily they are defeated, OK?  You wouldn't know that by reading the fake news.
** [https://www.foxnews.com/video/6394191405112?dicbo=v2-iH2p37I&amp;intcmp=fn_article_mobileweb_bc_ob_more_from &quot;Ukraine is 'militarily' defeated: Trump&quot;] ''Fox News'' (April 29, 2026)

===== Remarks after White House Correspondents' Dinner shootings (25 April 2026) =====
[[File:President Trump Delivers Remarks (April 25, 2026).webm|thumb|start=19:16|thumbtime=19:53|President Trump addresses the press two hours after the shooting]]
:&lt;small&gt;[https://www.rev.com/transcripts/trump-speaks-after-whcd-shooting &quot;Trump Speaks After WHCD Shooting&quot; video and transcript at rev.com]&lt;/small&gt;

* That was very unexpected, but incredibly acted upon by Secret Service and law enforcement. And this was an event dedicated to freedom of speech that was supposed to bring together members of both parties with members of the press. And in a certain way it did because the fact that they just unified, I saw a room that was just totally unified. It was in one way, very beautiful. A very beautiful thing to see.

* A tape showing the violence of this thug that attacked our constitution and also showing how quickly Secret Service and law enforcement acted on our country's behalf, really did a great job. &lt;br /&gt; One officer was shot, but saved by the fact that he was wearing obviously a very good bulletproof vest. He was shot from very close distance with a very powerful gun. And the vest did the job. I just spoke to the officer and he's doing great. He's great shape. He has very high spirits and we told him we love him and respect him. And he's a very proud guy. He's very proud of what he does, Secret Service agent. And we looked at all of the conditions that took place tonight. And I will say, it's not a particularly secure building. And I didn't want to say this, but this is why we have to have all of the attributes of what we're planning at the White House. It's actually a larger room and it's a much more secure. It's got, it's drone proof, it's bulletproof glass. &lt;br /&gt; We need the ballroom. That's why Secret Service, that's why the military are demanding it. They've wanted the ballroom for 150 years for lots of different reasons, but today's a little bit different because today we need levels of security that probably nobody's ever seen before. But everyone owes a tremendous debt of gratitude to the courage of law enforcement.

* So as you know, this is not the first time in the past couple of years that our republic been attacked by a would be assassin who sought to kill in Butler, Pennsylvania less than two years ago. &lt;br /&gt; You all know that story. And in Palm Beach, Florida, a few months after that, we came close. We really had, again, we had some great work done by law enforcement. But in light of this evening's events, I asked that all Americans recommit with their hearts in resolving our difference peacefully. We have to resolve our differences. I will say you had Republicans, Democrats, independents, conservatives, liberals, and progressives. Those words are interchangeable, perhaps but maybe they're not. But yet everybody in that room, big crowd, record-setting crowd, there was a record-setting group of people, and there was a tremendous amount of love and coming together. I watched and I was very, very impressed by that.

*  I told the representatives of the evening, they did such a beautiful job, was such a beautiful evening. And again, they're talking about free speech in our [[United States Constitution|Constitution]]. That's what it's all about. Not just White House correspondence. It was really based on free speech in our Constitution. But I said very importantly that we'll do it again within the next 30 days. It will make it bigger and better and even nicer. So I just want to thank everybody that was involved. I also want to thank the press, the media. You've been very responsible in your coverage. I will say I've been seeing what's been out and you've been very responsible.

==== May 2026 ====

: ''About the 2026 midterm election:''
* It is a problem I'm not on the ballot. Everyone says if I was on a ballot we'd win in a landslide. &lt;b&gt;I have some of the best poll numbers I've ever had.&lt;/b&gt;  
** [https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-approval-rating-plummets-personality-traits-11905848 &quot;Donald Trump’s Approval Rating Plummets On All Personality Traits&quot;] ''Newsweek'' (May 2, 2026)

* There has been no exchange of fire between the United States Forces and Iran since April 7, 2026.  The hostilities that began on February 28, 2026 have terminated.
** [https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c4g4xexy4w7o &quot;Trump tells Congress ceasefire means he does not need their approval for Iran war&quot;] ''BBC'' (May 2, 2026)

* We took over the ship. We took over the cargo, took over the oil. It’s a very profitable business.  &lt;b&gt;We’re like pirates.&lt;/b&gt;  We’re sort of like pirates. 
** [https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2026/5/2/trump-says-us-navy-acting-like-pirates-to-enforce-iran-blockade &quot;Trump says US Navy acting ‘like pirates’ to enforce Iran blockade&quot;] ''Al Jazeera'' (May 2, 2026)

* It is a very friendly blockade.
** [https://www.thestar.com.my/news/world/2026/05/03/trump-describes-us-blockade-as-very-friendly-does-not-breach-039terminated039-claim-on-iran-hostilities#goog_rewarded &quot;Trump describes US blockade as &quot;very friendly”, does not breach 'terminated' claim on Iran hostilities&quot;] ''The Star'' (May 3, 2026)

* Bill Maher is a MORON, though slightly more talented than Jimmy Kimmel.
** [https://www.newsweek.com/trump-tears-into-bill-maher-after-gavin-newsom-interview-11906910 &quot;Trump Tears Into Bill Maher After Gavin Newsom Interview&quot;] ''Newsweek'' (May 3, 2026)

: ''Explained to a group of school children:''
* We can't let Iran have a nuclear weapon… You might be too young for this… But you can't let a bunch of lunatics have a nuclear weapon or the world would be in trouble.
* We sent that beautiful B-2 bomber in, and we blew up their nuclear potential.
* I can tell you, the Middle East would've been gone. Israel would've been gone. They would've trained their sights on Europe first, then us. Because they're sick people. These are sick people, and we're not going to let lunatics have nuclear weapons. It's not going to happen.
** [https://www.ndtvprofit.com/world/bizarre-moment-trump-tells-school-kids-iran-was-two-weeks-away-from-killing-you-watch-video-11455217/amp/1 &quot;Bizarre Moment! Trump Tells School Kids Iran 'Was Two Weeks Away From Killing You'—Watch Video&quot;] ''NDTV Profit'' (May 6, 2026) 

* It's up to the Pope. He thinks it's just fine for Iran to have a nuclear weapon.
** [https://time.com/article/2026/05/06/pope-leo-nuclear-weapons-trump/ &quot;Pope Leo Rejects Trump’s Nuclear Claims and Tells His Critics To Speak ‘Truthfully’&quot;] ''Time'' (May 6, 2026)

* This lunatic, Hakeem ‘Low IQ’ Jeffries, should be charged with INCITING VIOLENCE! The Radical Left Democrats actually want to Destroy our Country.
** [https://www.aol.com/articles/jeffries-trump-call-inciting-violence-201156891.html &quot;Jeffries on Trump call for ‘inciting violence’ charge: ‘Another deranged rant’&quot;] ''AOL'' (May 7, 2026)

* Excellent Poll Numbers. Thank You!
** [https://www.yahoo.com/news/articles/trump-drowns-feed-maga-praise-114613786.html &quot;Trump Drowns Feed With MAGA Praise in Late-Night Truth Social Dump Celebrating Himself&quot;] ''Mediaite/Yahoo News'' (May 11, 2026)

* No matter how ‘Fair and Balanced’ the day’s News at Fox may be, the end result is destroyed by professional Liars, Conmen, and Liberal, Crooked Politicians.  This is why &lt;b&gt;MAGA Republicans, who are actually close to 100% of the Party, hate Fox,&lt;/b&gt; despite the wonderful contributions made by so many of their great anchors and commentators. Hard to win Elections like this!
** [https://www.yahoo.com/news/articles/trump-goes-ballistic-fox-news-225559417.html &quot;Trump Goes Ballistic on Fox News Anchor Jacqui Heinrich, Claims MAGA Republicans ‘Hate’ the Channel&quot;] ''Mediaite / Yahoo News'' (May 11, 2026)

* I’m serious about beginning a process to make Venezuela the 51st state.
** [https://www.yahoo.com/news/articles/trump-wants-oil-rich-nation-205314886.html &quot;Trump wants this oil-rich nation as the 51st state. Its leader has a message for him.&quot;] ''nj.com'' (May 12, 2026)

* The only thing that matters when I’m talking about Iran — they can’t have a nuclear weapon.  &lt;b&gt;I don’t think about Americans’ financial situation.&lt;/b&gt; I don’t think about anybody. I think about one thing — we cannot let Iran have a nuclear weapon. That’s all.
** [https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-not-thinking-american-finances-iran-talk-rcna344785 &quot;Trump says he’s not thinking about Americans’ finances ‘even a little bit’ in Iran talks&quot;] ''NBC News'' (May 12, 2026)

* Dumacrats Lowe Sewage
** [https://www.yahoo.com/news/articles/dumacrats-love-sewage-trump-posts-124145023.html &quot;‘Dumacrats Love Sewage’: Trump Posts Image of Obama, Biden, Pelosi Bathing in Feces in New Truth Social Meme Spree&quot;] ''Mediaite / Yahoo News'' (May 12, 2026)

* We have a man who is doing a great job, I'll tell you. I knew it! Because he kept me out of jail for years. Acting Attorney General Todd Blanche, he kept me out of jail.
** [https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/trump-blanche-jail-quote/ &quot;Trump said acting AG Todd Blanche kept him 'out of jail for years'&quot;] ''Snopes fact check'' (May 13, 2026)

* If they want to come in and build the plant and hire you and hire your friends and your neighbors, that’s great.  I love that. &lt;b&gt;Let China come in, let Japan come in.&lt;/b&gt; They are and they’ll be building plants, but they’re using our labor.
** [https://www.politico.com/news/2026/05/13/trump-xi-summit-chinese-electric-vehicles-00917652 &quot;‘The only thing that terrifies me is BYD’: Politicians quake at Chinese EVs&quot;] ''Politico'' (May 13, 2026)

* It's a very insulting thing to tell a country we don't want your people in our schools,
** [https://www.thestandard.com.hk/china/article/332106/ &quot;Bucking base, Trump defends Chinese students in US&quot;] ''The Standard'' (May 15, 2026)

* Frankly, I think that it’s good that people come from other countries and they learn our culture, and many of them want to stay here. I think it’s a good thing. 
** [https://www.yahoo.com/news/articles/maga-reeling-trump-welcomes-chinese-204217102.html &quot;MAGA is Reeling as Trump Welcomes Chinese Students to the U.S.&quot;] ''The News Republic / Yahoo News'' (May 15, 2026)

{{Disputed begin}}

== Disputed ==

* We have certain things in common, Jeffrey.
* Enigmas never age, have you noticed that?
* A pal is a wonderful thing. Happy Birthday – and may every day be another wonderful secret.
** Written in a letter to [[Jeffrey Epstein]], according to [https://www.wsj.com/politics/trump-jeffrey-epstein-birthday-letter-we-have-certain-things-in-common-f918d796 &quot;Jeffrey Epstein’s Friends Sent Him Bawdy Letters for a 50th Birthday Album. One Was From Donald Trump.&quot;] ''Wall Street Journal'' (Article behind pay wall) (July 17, 2025).  Quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025/jul/17/trump-epstein-grand-jury-testimony-wall-street-journal &quot;Trump requests release of Epstein grand jury transcripts amid report of ‘bawdy’ birthday note&quot;] ''The Guardian'' (July 18, 2025).  Disputed by Donald Trump.

* These people should be executed. They are scumbags.
** About whistleblowers and journalists. Attributed by [[John Bolton]] in ''{{w|The Room Where It Happened}}'', ''{{w|Simon &amp; Schuster}}'', 2020, [https://books.google.com/books?id=QjTMDwAAQBAJ&amp;pg=PT290 p. 290] {{cite book |isbn=978-1-9821-4805-8}}

*Do you still like having sex with your wife? How often? You must have had a better fuck than your wife? Tell me about it. I have girls coming in from [[Los Angeles]] at three o'clock. We can go upstairs and have a great time. I promise.
**Reported by Michael Wolff in [http://web.archive.org/web/20180107223847if_/https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DSpgpeyVMAAMcS1.jpg ''Fire and Fury: Inside the Trump White House''] (5 January 2018)

* I hope you can see your way clear to letting this go, to letting Flynn go. He is a good guy. I hope you can let this go.
** Reported as being the words of President Trump recorded in a memo that [[James Comey]], FBI Director at the time, wrote shortly after a meeting held in the Oval Office on 14 February 2017, referring to the federal investigation into links to the Russian government of national security adviser, [[Michael T. Flynn]], who had resigned the day before. In a statement, the White House has denied the version of events in the memo. — [https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/16/us/politics/james-comey-trump-flynn-russia-investigation.html New York Times (16 May 2017)]
** Comey confirmed under oath his account of Trump's words while [https://www.nytimes.com/2017/06/08/us/politics/senate-hearing-transcript.html appearing before the Senate Intelligence Committee] (8 June 2017)
** When asked about Comey's testimony during a [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hplM_DYp-Vk press conference on 9 June 2017], Trump said, &quot;I didn't say that. I will tell you I didn't say that. And there'd be nothing wrong if I did say it according to everybody that I've read today, but I did not say that.&quot;

* Why are we having all these people from shithole countries come here?
** Reportedly said in a meeting with lawmakers on immigration, as quoted in [http://thehill.com/homenews/administration/368576-trump-rips-protections-for-immigrants-from-shithole-countries-in &quot;Trump criticized immigration from 's---hole' countries: report&quot;] (11 January 2018), by Avery Anapol, ''The Hill''. Variant: &quot;Why do we want all these people from shithole countries coming here?&quot; As quoted in [http://www.cnn.com/2018/01/11/politics/trump-rock-bottom/index.html Trump's 'shithole' comment is his new rock bottom], ''CNN'', 12 January 2018. Trump denied making this comment.
*** &quot;The language used by me at the DACA meeting was tough, but this was not the language used.&quot; [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/951793123985973248 Tweet by @realDonaldTrump] (12 January 2018)

*Why do we want all these people from Africa here? They're shithole countries ... We should have more people from Norway.
**[https://www.reuters.com/article/us-usa-trump-immigration-norway/thanks-but-no-thanks-norwegians-reject-trumps-immigration-offer-idUSKBN1F11QK 12 January 2018, per Reuters' source]
** In December 2025 Trump said: &quot;Remember I said that to the senators that came in, the Democrats. They wanted to be bipartisan. So they came in. And they said, ‘This is totally off the record, nothing mentioned here, we want to be honest,’ because our country was going to hell. And we had a meeting. And I say: Why is it we only take people from shithole countries, right? Why can’t we have some people from Norway, Sweden – just a few – let us have a few. From Denmark – do you mind sending us a few people? Send us some nice people, do you mind? But we always take people from Somalia. Places that are a disaster, right? Filthy, dirty, disgusting, ridden with crime.
*** [https://edition.cnn.com/2025/12/10/politics/donald-trump-shithole-countries-phrase &quot;Almost eight years later, Trump confirms he used the phrase ‘shithole countries’&quot;] ''CNN'' (December 10, 2025)

*Why do we need more Haitians? Take them out.
**Reportedly said in a meeting with lawmakers on immigration, as quoted in [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/donald-trump-shthole-countries-response-from-haiti-africa-el-salvador/?ftag=CNM-00-10aab8a&amp;linkId=46885064 &quot;'Sh*thole countries' respond to Trump's rhetoric&quot;], ''CBS News''. Trump denied making this comment.
** &quot;Never said anything derogatory about Haitians other than Haiti is, obviously, a very poor and troubled country. Never said &quot;take them out.&quot; Made up by Dems. I have a wonderful relationship with Haitians. Probably should record future meetings - unfortunately, no trust!&quot; [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/951813216291708928 Tweet by @realDonaldTrump] (12 January 2018)

*[B]lack people are too stupid to vote for me.
**As quoted in [https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2018/11/michael-cohen-trump-racist-language &quot;Michael Cohen Says Trump Repeatedly Used Racist Language in Private&quot;] (2 November 2018), by Emily Jane Fox, ''Vanity Fair''. In a post-2018 midterm press conference, Trump denied making the comment and dismissed Cohen's claims: &quot;That's false&quot; — as quoted in [https://www.yahoo.com/news/president-trump-says-never-used-racist-remarks-195529076.html &quot;President Trump says he has 'never used racist remarks'&quot;] (7 November 2018), by Hunter Walker, ''Yahoo News''.

*Name one country run by a black person that's not a shithole... Name one city.
**As quoted in [https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2018/11/michael-cohen-trump-racist-language &quot;Michael Cohen Says Trump Repeatedly Used Racist Language in Private&quot;] (2 November 2018), by Emily Jane Fox, ''Vanity Fair''. &quot;White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders denied those comments at the time.&quot;

*Why should I go to that cemetery? It’s filled with losers .. suckers .. Who were the good guys in this war?
**[https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/white-house-decision-cancel-veteran-s-cemetery-france-visit-creates-n934796 Saturday 10 November 2018] two hours before a scheduled 30-minute helicopter ride from Paris to the Aisne-Marne American Cemetery, the visit was cancelled with White House stating a rainy forecast made it too dangerous
**[https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2020/09/trump-americans-who-died-at-war-are-losers-and-suckers/615997/ 3 September 2020] TheAtlantic.com writer [[Jeffrey Goldberg]] stated that &quot;four people with firsthand knowledge of the discussion that day&quot; (Goldberg did not provide any names) that &quot;Trump rejected the idea of the visit because he feared his hair would become disheveled in the rain, and because he did not believe it important to honor American war dead&quot;, and described the two-sentence quote above as part of &quot;a conversation with senior staff members on the morning of the scheduled visit&quot;.
***Goldberg also stated that during the trip (in a separate conversation) that Trump used the term &quot;suckers&quot; to collectively describe the 1800+ marines who died at Belleau Wood, but did not provide any surrounding words (the purported quote was the only word in quotation marks)
***the sentence about &quot;good guys&quot; Goldberg says was stated towards aides (not senior staff members)
****Goldberg did state a number regarding witness count of the other two statements, only for the &quot;losers&quot; one
**[https://nationalpost.com/news/world/donald-trump-the-atlantic-john-mccain-loserstrump-denies-account-of-him-disparaging-u-s-war-dead-mccain 4 September 2020] Trump responded to Goldberg's piece &quot;It’s a total lie. It’s fake news&quot;.
**Trump also [https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1301893907295371266 tweeted that day]: &quot;The Atlantic Magazine is dying, like most magazines, so they make up a fake story in order to gain some relevance. Story already refuted, but this is what we are up against.&quot;
**press secretary [[Kayleigh McEnany]] also [https://www.realclearpolitics.com/video/2020/09/04/whs_mcenany_atlantic_report_on_trump_has_been_categorically_debunked_by_witnesses_clearly_fake_news.html on September 4th] stated &quot;The story in the Atlantic has been categorically debunked by eyewitnesses and contemporaneous documents&quot;, quoting two service members:
***&quot;&quot;I was with the president the morning after the scheduled visit. He was extremely disappointed that arrangements could not be made to get him to the site and that the trip had been cancelled. I have worked with the president for his entire administration .. I have never heard him utter a disparaging remark of any kind about our troops.&quot; - Derek Lyons
***&quot;there was a bad weather called in France and that the helicopters were unable to safely make the flight. Overall, the president's support and respect for our American troops past and present is unquestionable&quot; - Dan Walsh
**following Goldberg's piece that same day, [[James LaPorta]] wrote [https://apnews.com/article/b823f2c285641a4a09a96a0b195636ed on AP] &quot;A senior Defense Department official with firsthand knowledge of events and a senior U.S. Marine Corps officer who was told about Trump’s comments confirmed some of the remarks to The Associated Press, including the 2018 cemetery comments.&quot;

{{Disputed end}}

{{misattributed begin}}

== Misattributed ==
* I have a really high IQ, Phil. I mean, c'mon. It's impossible for me to not be atheist.
** Attributed by photo meme to an appearance on ''The Phil Donahue Show'' in 1989. [http://www.snopes.com/trump-donahue-atheist-1989/ According to Snopes.com], there is no evidence he ever said this, nor that he even appeared on ''The Phil Donahue Show'' in 1989.

* This has been the worst trade deal in the history of trade deals, maybe ever.
** Actual quote was &quot;[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kl2QShtOwbU NAFTA is the worst trade deal maybe ever signed anywhere, but certainly ever signed in this country.]&quot;

* If I were to run, I'd run as a Republican. They're the dumbest group of voters in the country. They believe anything on Fox News. I could lie and they'd still eat it up. I bet my numbers would be terrific.
** There is no record of Trump ever saying this; sometimes &quot;''People'' magazine, 1998&quot; is ''incorrectly'' given as the &quot;source&quot; of this quotation — [http://www.snopes.com/1998-trump-people-quote/ snopes.com]; [https://www.truthorfiction.com/donald-trump-said-republicans-are-the-dumbest-group-of-voters/ truthorfiction.com]

* The harder I work, the luckier I get.
** Originated with [[Samuel Goldwyn]] as a paraphrase of a proverb from a collection by Coleman Cox, but similar proverbs have existed since the 16th century. [http://quoteinvestigator.com/2012/07/21/luck-hard-work/]

* Life is what you do while you're waiting to die.
** [[w:Fred Ebb|Fred Ebb]], ''[[w:Zorba (musical)|Zorba]]'' (1968)

* People are dying today that have never died before.
** [https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/trump-quote-never-died-before/ According to Snopes.com], there is no record of Trump saying this.

* The doctors said they've never seen a body kill the Coronavirus like my body. They tested my DNA and it wasn't DNA. It was USA.
** Reportedly said by Trump after he was hospitalized with [[w:Coronavirus disease 2019|COVID-19]], following [[w:White House COVID-19 outbreak|an outbreak of the disease in the White House]]; the quote actually originates from an image featuring a fabricated subtitle overlaid on a video released by the President while he was in [[w:Walter Reed National Military Medical Center|Walter Reed National Military Medical Center]]. [https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/trump-coronavirus-kill-body/]
	
* My blood IS the vaccine!!!!!	
** Originates from a fabricated screenshot of a tweet allegedly posted on October 5, 2020, the same day Trump was released from [[w:Walter Reed National Military Medical Center|Walter Reed National Military Medical Center]] after his diagnosis of [[w:Coronavirus disease 2019|COVID-19]]. [https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/trump-my-blood-is-the-vaccine/] The fictitious quote likely refers to the donation of the [[w:blood plasma|blood plasma]] of COVID-19 survivors as a treatment method against catching the disease, a treatment of which Trump has been a vocal supporter. Trump has, however, suggested that he would consider donating his own plasma for this purpose. [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/donald-trump-donate-plasma-covid-19-coronavirus/]
 	
{{misattributed end}}

==Quotes about Trump==
&lt;small&gt; See [[Quotes about Donald Trump]]&lt;/small&gt;

==See also==
* [[Donald Trump on social media]]
* [[Donald Trump Jr.]]
* [[Impeachment of Donald Trump]]
* [[List of presidents of the United States]]
* [[First presidency of Donald Trump]]
* [[Second presidency of Donald Trump]]
* [[Racial views of Donald Trump]]
* [[Russian interference in the 2016 United States elections]]
* [[2020 United States presidential election]]

== External links==
{{Sister project links|w=Donald Trump|wikt=no|b=no|s=Author:Donald Trump|commons=Donald Trump|n=Donald Trump|v=no|species=no|d=Q22686|voy=no|m=no|mw=no}}
* [https://www.donaldjtrump.com/ Official website]
* [https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2017/06/23/opinion/trumps-lies.html &quot;Trump's Lies&quot;] by [[w:David Leonhardt|David Leonhardt]] and Stuart A. Thompson - a catalog of &quot;nearly every outright lie he has told publicly&quot; in his first five months in office, in ''{{w|The New York Times}}''  (23 June 2017)

{{Authority control}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Trump, Donald}}
[[Category:Donald Trump| ]]
[[Category:1946 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Businesspeople from New York City]]
[[Category:Businesspeople in real estate]]
[[Category:Conspiracy theorists]]
[[Category:Politicians from Florida]]
[[Category:Politicians from New York City]]
[[Category:Presbyterians from the United States]]
[[Category:Presidents of the United States]]
[[Category:Memoirists from the United States]]
[[Category:Nationalists]]
[[Category:Non-fiction authors from the United States]]
[[Category:People charged with crimes]]
[[Category:Producers from the United States]]
[[Category:Republican Party (United States) politicians]]
[[Category:Television personalities]]
[[Category:Television producers]]
[[Category:United States presidential candidates, 2000]]
[[Category:United States presidential candidates, 2016]]
[[Category:United States presidential candidates, 2020]]
[[Category:United States presidential candidates, 2024]]
[[Category:University of Pennsylvania alumni]]</text>
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'''''[[w:Rugrats|Rugrats]]''''' (1991–2004) is an American animated public television series aimed at older children, and preteens. This series is about babies and their daily antics.

[[Rugrats (season 1)]]

[[Rugrats (season 2)]]

[[Rugrats (season 3)]]

[[Rugrats (season 4)]]

[[Rugrats (season 5)]]

[[Rugrats (season 6)]]

[[Rugrats (season 7)]]

[[Rugrats (season 8)]]

[[Rugrats (season 9)]]

==Films==
* ''[[The Rugrats Movie]]'' (1998)
* ''[[Rugrats in Paris: The Movie]]'' (2000)
* ''[[Rugrats Go Wild]]'' (2003)

==Characters==
===Main===
*Thomas Malcolm &quot;Tommy&quot; Pickles - voiced by [[w:Elizabeth Daily|Elizabeth Daily]], Michael Yarmush (uncredited) in the unaired pilot
*Charles Crandall Norbert &quot;Chuckie&quot; Finster, Jr. - voiced by [[w:Christine Cavanaugh|Christine Cavanaugh]] from 1991-2002, [[w:Nancy Cartwright|Nancy Cartwright]] from 2002-2003 and Cameron Ansell (uncredited) from 2003-2006
*Angelica Charlotte Pickles - voiced by [[w:Cheryl Chase (actress)|Cheryl Chase]]
*Phillip Richard &quot;Phil&quot; DeVille - voiced by [[w:Kath Soucie|Kath Soucie]]
*Lillian Marie &quot;Lil&quot; DeVille - voiced by [[w:Kath Soucie|Kath Soucie]]
*Susanna Yvonne &quot;Susie&quot; Carmichael - voiced by [[w:Cree Summer|Cree Summer]], understudied by [[w:Elizabeth Daily|Elizabeth Daily]] (in) &quot;The Last Babysitter&quot; and &quot;Angelica's Birthday&quot;
*Kimiko &quot;Kimi&quot; Watanabe-Finster - voiced by [[w:Dionne Quan|Dionne Quan]]
*Dylan Prescott &quot;Dil&quot; Pickles - voiced by [[w:Tara Strong|Tara Strong]], credited as &quot;Charendoff&quot; in the film version

===Adults===
*Stu Pickles - voiced by [[w:Jack Riley (actor)|Jack Riley]] as an adult, [[w:Adam Welsh|Adam Welsh]] as a baby in &quot;Sour Pickles&quot;, [[w:Noah Reid]] as a young boy in &quot;Fountain of Youth&quot;
*Didi Pickles - voiced by [[w:Melanie Chartoff|Melanie Chartoff]]
*Lou K. &quot;Pop&quot; Pickles - voiced by [[w:David Doyle (actor)|David Doyle]], [[w:Joe Alaskey|Joe Alaskey]]
*Andrew &quot;Dru&quot; Pickles - voiced by [[w:Michael Bell (actor)|Michael Bell]] as an adult, [[w:Pamela Adlon|Pamela Adlon]] as a baby in &quot;Sour Pickles&quot; *Charlotte Pickles - voiced by [[w:Tress MacNeille|Tress MacNeille]]
*Betty DeVille - voiced by [[w:Kath Soucie|Kath Soucie]]
*Howard DeVille - voiced by [[w:Phil Proctor|Phil Proctor]]
*Charles &quot;Chas&quot; N. Finster. - voiced by [[w:Michael Bell (actor)|Michael Bell]]
*Kira Watanabe - voiced by [[w:Julia Kato (actress)|Julia Kato]]
*Lulu Pickles - voiced by [[w:Debbie Reynolds|Debbie Reynolds]]

===Pets===
*Spike the Dog voiced by [[w:Frank Welker|Frank Welker]]
*Fluffy the Cat- voiced by [[Robert Skidmore as Robby Squeakmint]] (uncredited)

===Additional Voices===
*[[w:Mona Marshall|Mona Marshall]]

==About ''{{PAGENAME}}''==
*The origins of &quot;Rugrats&quot; began when Vanessa Coffee, a development executive at Nickelodeon, contacted our animation studio. I had taken fifteen months off work after my second child was born. I was working from home on concepts for &quot;Sesame Street&quot; shorts. Gabor Csupo, my husband at the time, asked me to come up with ideas to pitch to NICK. So, I quickly expanded notes I’d written from one of the &quot;Sesame Street&quot; ideas. My thoughts were, &quot;if babies could talk what would they say&quot; and &quot;what was the logic that drove tiny humans to desperately want to stick their hands in the toilet?&quot; It fascinated me, but mostly I found it humorous. Paul Germain, our development executive at the time, and Gabor Csupo then pitched several ideas to Nickelodeon. Vanessa Coffee had the foresight to choose what ultimately became &quot;Rugrats&quot; and Gerry Laybourne, the President of NICK at the time, had the vision to green-light it! Gabor and I sketched some of the original characters and worked with Paul on creating the world of &quot;Rugrats&quot;. Together we produced a pilot that Peter Chung, a brilliant artist and animator, directed. The super talented Mark Mothersbaugh created the music for the show. The studio produced the &quot;Rugrats&quot; and &quot;All Grown Up&quot; series over the next decade as well as two &quot;Rugrats&quot; movies and a third film, where the &quot;Rugrats&quot; meet &quot;The Wild Thornberrys&quot;. Our studio just exploded with work! The next ten years were intense for me because I was raising two children and working. Gabor and I continued to create or produce nine more animated series.
** [[w:Arlene Klasky|Arlene Klasky]] [http://www.comicbookmovie.com/animated_features/exclusive-rugrats-creator-arlene-klasky-discusses-new-digital-a65351 Exclusive Rugrats Creator Arlene Klasky]]

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
*[http://www.cooltoons2.com/rugrats/games/quotes/quotes.html Rugrats random quote generator at Klasky-Csupo]
[[Category:Rugrats]]
[[Category:Nicktoons]]
[[Category:Nickelodeon shows]]
[[Category:1990s Nickelodeon original series]]
[[Category:2000s Nickelodeon original series]]
[[Category:1990s American sitcoms]]
[[Category:2000s American sitcoms]]
[[Category:American animated sitcoms]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:American children's TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Television series on DVD]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]</text>
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'''''[[w:Rugrats|Rugrats]]''''' (1991–2004) is an American animated public television series aimed at older children, and preteens. This series is about babies and their daily antics.

[[Rugrats (season 1)]]

[[Rugrats (season 2)]]

[[Rugrats (season 3)]]

[[Rugrats (season 4)]]

[[Rugrats (season 5)]]

[[Rugrats (season 6)]]

[[Rugrats (season 7)]]

[[Rugrats (season 8)]]

[[Rugrats (season 9)]]

==Films==
* ''[[The Rugrats Movie]]'' (1998)
* ''[[Rugrats in Paris: The Movie]]'' (2000)
* ''[[Rugrats Go Wild]]'' (2003)

==Characters==
===Main===
*Thomas Malcolm &quot;Tommy&quot; Pickles - voiced by [[w:Elizabeth Daily|Elizabeth Daily]] (1991-2006), for all seasons, Tami Holbrook (1989), in the unaired pilot
*Charles Crandall Norbert &quot;Chuckie&quot; Finster, Jr. - voiced by [[w:Christine Cavanaugh|Christine Cavanaugh]] from 1991-2004, for Seasons 1-8, [[w:Nancy Cartwright|Nancy Cartwright]] from 2002-2004, for Seasons 8-9.
*Angelica Charlotte Pickles - voiced by [[w:Cheryl Chase (actress)|Cheryl Chase]]
*Phillip Richard &quot;Phil&quot; DeVille - voiced by [[w:Kath Soucie|Kath Soucie]]
*Lillian Marie &quot;Lil&quot; DeVille - voiced by [[w:Kath Soucie|Kath Soucie]]
*Susanna Yvonne &quot;Susie&quot; Carmichael - voiced by [[w:Cree Summer|Cree Summer]] from 1993-2004, for Seasons 2-9, understudied by [[w:Elizabeth Daily|Elizabeth Daily]], from 1993-1994, for Seasons 3-4
*Kimiko &quot;Kimi&quot; Watanabe-Finster - voiced by [[w:Dionne Quan|Dionne Quan]]
*Dylan Prescott &quot;Dil&quot; Pickles - voiced by [[w:Tara Strong|Tara Strong]], credited as &quot;Charendoff&quot; in the film version

===Adults===
*Stu Pickles - voiced by [[w:Jack Riley (actor)|Jack Riley]] as an adult, [[w:Adam Welsh|Adam Welsh]] as a baby in &quot;Sour Pickles&quot;, [[w:Noah Reid]] as a young boy in &quot;Fountain of Youth&quot;
*Didi Pickles - voiced by [[w:Melanie Chartoff|Melanie Chartoff]]
*Lou K. &quot;Pop&quot; Pickles - voiced by [[w:David Doyle (actor)|David Doyle]], [[w:Joe Alaskey|Joe Alaskey]]
*Andrew &quot;Dru&quot; Pickles - voiced by [[w:Michael Bell (actor)|Michael Bell]] as an adult, [[w:Pamela Adlon|Pamela Adlon]] as a baby in &quot;Sour Pickles&quot; *Charlotte Pickles - voiced by [[w:Tress MacNeille|Tress MacNeille]]
*Betty DeVille - voiced by [[w:Kath Soucie|Kath Soucie]]
*Howard DeVille - voiced by [[w:Phil Proctor|Phil Proctor]]
*Charles &quot;Chas&quot; N. Finster. - voiced by [[w:Michael Bell (actor)|Michael Bell]]
*Kira Watanabe - voiced by [[w:Julia Kato (actress)|Julia Kato]]
*Lulu Pickles - voiced by [[w:Debbie Reynolds|Debbie Reynolds]]

===Pets===
*Spike the Dog voiced by [[w:Frank Welker|Frank Welker]]
*Fluffy the Cat- voiced by [[Robert Skidmore as Robby Squeakmint]] (uncredited)

===Additional Voices===
*[[w:Mona Marshall|Mona Marshall]]

==About ''{{PAGENAME}}''==
*The origins of &quot;Rugrats&quot; began when Vanessa Coffee, a development executive at Nickelodeon, contacted our animation studio. I had taken fifteen months off work after my second child was born. I was working from home on concepts for &quot;Sesame Street&quot; shorts. Gabor Csupo, my husband at the time, asked me to come up with ideas to pitch to NICK. So, I quickly expanded notes I’d written from one of the &quot;Sesame Street&quot; ideas. My thoughts were, &quot;if babies could talk what would they say&quot; and &quot;what was the logic that drove tiny humans to desperately want to stick their hands in the toilet?&quot; It fascinated me, but mostly I found it humorous. Paul Germain, our development executive at the time, and Gabor Csupo then pitched several ideas to Nickelodeon. Vanessa Coffee had the foresight to choose what ultimately became &quot;Rugrats&quot; and Gerry Laybourne, the President of NICK at the time, had the vision to green-light it! Gabor and I sketched some of the original characters and worked with Paul on creating the world of &quot;Rugrats&quot;. Together we produced a pilot that Peter Chung, a brilliant artist and animator, directed. The super talented Mark Mothersbaugh created the music for the show. The studio produced the &quot;Rugrats&quot; and &quot;All Grown Up&quot; series over the next decade as well as two &quot;Rugrats&quot; movies and a third film, where the &quot;Rugrats&quot; meet &quot;The Wild Thornberrys&quot;. Our studio just exploded with work! The next ten years were intense for me because I was raising two children and working. Gabor and I continued to create or produce nine more animated series.
** [[w:Arlene Klasky|Arlene Klasky]] [http://www.comicbookmovie.com/animated_features/exclusive-rugrats-creator-arlene-klasky-discusses-new-digital-a65351 Exclusive Rugrats Creator Arlene Klasky]]

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
*[http://www.cooltoons2.com/rugrats/games/quotes/quotes.html Rugrats random quote generator at Klasky-Csupo]
[[Category:Rugrats]]
[[Category:Nicktoons]]
[[Category:Nickelodeon shows]]
[[Category:1990s Nickelodeon original series]]
[[Category:2000s Nickelodeon original series]]
[[Category:1990s American sitcoms]]
[[Category:2000s American sitcoms]]
[[Category:American animated sitcoms]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:American children's TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Television series on DVD]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]</text>
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'''''[[w:Rugrats|Rugrats]]''''' (1991–2004) is an American animated public television series aimed at older children, and preteens. This series is about babies and their daily antics.

[[Rugrats (season 1)]]

[[Rugrats (season 2)]]

[[Rugrats (season 3)]]

[[Rugrats (season 4)]]

[[Rugrats (season 5)]]

[[Rugrats (season 6)]]

[[Rugrats (season 7)]]

[[Rugrats (season 8)]]

[[Rugrats (season 9)]]

==Films==
* ''[[The Rugrats Movie]]'' (1998)
* ''[[Rugrats in Paris: The Movie]]'' (2000)
* ''[[Rugrats Go Wild]]'' (2003)

==Characters==
===Main===
*Thomas Malcolm ''Tommy'' Pickles - voiced by [[w:Elizabeth Daily|Elizabeth Daily]] (1991-2006), for all seasons, Tami Holbrook (1989), in the unaired pilot
*Charles Crandall Norbert ''Chuckie'' Finster, Jr. - voiced by [[w:Christine Cavanaugh|Christine Cavanaugh]] from 1991-2004, for Seasons 1-8, [[w:Nancy Cartwright|Nancy Cartwright]] from 2002-2004, for Seasons 8-9.
*Angelica Charlotte Pickles - voiced by [[w:Cheryl Chase (actress)|Cheryl Chase]]
*Phillip Richard &quot;Phil&quot; DeVille - voiced by [[w:Kath Soucie|Kath Soucie]]
*Lillian Marie &quot;Lil&quot; DeVille - voiced by [[w:Kath Soucie|Kath Soucie]]
*Susanna Yvonne &quot;Susie&quot; Carmichael - voiced by [[w:Cree Summer|Cree Summer]] from 1993-2004, for Seasons 2-9, and redubbed ''The Last Babysitter'', and ''Angelica's Birthday'', both in Season 3, from 1994-1995, and understudied by [[w:Elizabeth Daily|Elizabeth Daily]], from 1993-1994, for Season 3.
*Kimiko ''Kimi'' Watanabe-Finster - voiced by [[w:Dionne Quan|Dionne Quan]] (2001-2004), for Seasons 7-9.
*Dylan Prescott ''Dil'' Pickles - voiced by [[w:Tara Strong|Tara Strong]], credited as ''Charendoff'' in the film version

===Adults===
*Stu Pickles - voiced by [[w:Jack Riley (actor)|Jack Riley]] (1989), for the unaired pilot, and (1991-2006), for all seasons, as an adult, [[w:Elizabeth Daily|Elizabeth Daily]] (1993), for Season 3, as a baby in ''Sour Pickles'', [[w:Tress MacNeille|Tress MacNeille]] (2004), for Season 9, as a baby in ''Fountain of Youth''.
*Didi Pickles - voiced by [[w:Melanie Chartoff|Melanie Chartoff]] (1989), for the unaired pilot, and (1991-2006), for all seasons.
*Lou K. ''Pop'' Pickles - voiced by [[w:David Doyle (actor)|David Doyle]] (1989), for the unaired pilot, and (1991-1998), for Seasons 1-5, and [[w:Joe Alaskey|Joe Alaskey]] (1997-2004), for Seasons 4-9.
*Andrew ''Drew'' Pickles - voiced by [[w:Michael Bell (actor)|Michael Bell]] as an adult, [[w:Pamela Adlon|Pamela Adlon]] as a baby in ''Sour Pickles''.
*Charlotte Pickles - voiced by [[w:Tress MacNeille|Tress MacNeille]] (1992-2006), for Seasons 2-9.
*Betty DeVille - voiced by [[w:Kath Soucie|Kath Soucie]]
*Howard DeVille - voiced by [[w:Phil Proctor|Phil Proctor]]
*Charles ''Chas'' N. Finster. - voiced by [[w:Michael Bell (actor)|Michael Bell]] (1991-2006), for all seasons.
*Kira Watanabe - voiced by [[w:Julia Kato (actress)|Julia Kato]] (2001-2004), for Seasons 7-9.
*Lulu Pickles - voiced by [[w:Debbie Reynolds|Debbie Reynolds]] (2000-2002), for Seasons 6-9.

===Pets===
*Spike the Dog - voiced by [[w:Frank Welker|Frank Welker]]
*Fluffy the Cat - voiced by [[Robert Skidmore as Robby Squeakmint]] (uncredited)

===Additional Voices===
*[[w:Mona Marshall|Mona Marshall]]

==About ''{{PAGENAME}}''==
*The origins of &quot;Rugrats&quot; began when Vanessa Coffee, a development executive at Nickelodeon, contacted our animation studio. I had taken fifteen months off work after my second child was born. I was working from home on concepts for &quot;Sesame Street&quot; shorts. Gabor Csupo, my husband at the time, asked me to come up with ideas to pitch to NICK. So, I quickly expanded notes I’d written from one of the &quot;Sesame Street&quot; ideas. My thoughts were, &quot;if babies could talk what would they say&quot; and &quot;what was the logic that drove tiny humans to desperately want to stick their hands in the toilet?&quot; It fascinated me, but mostly I found it humorous. Paul Germain, our development executive at the time, and Gabor Csupo then pitched several ideas to Nickelodeon. Vanessa Coffee had the foresight to choose what ultimately became &quot;Rugrats&quot; and Gerry Laybourne, the President of NICK at the time, had the vision to green-light it! Gabor and I sketched some of the original characters and worked with Paul on creating the world of &quot;Rugrats&quot;. Together we produced a pilot that Peter Chung, a brilliant artist and animator, directed. The super talented Mark Mothersbaugh created the music for the show. The studio produced the &quot;Rugrats&quot; and &quot;All Grown Up&quot; series over the next decade as well as two &quot;Rugrats&quot; movies and a third film, where the &quot;Rugrats&quot; meet &quot;The Wild Thornberrys&quot;. Our studio just exploded with work! The next ten years were intense for me because I was raising two children and working. Gabor and I continued to create or produce nine more animated series.
** [[w:Arlene Klasky|Arlene Klasky]] [http://www.comicbookmovie.com/animated_features/exclusive-rugrats-creator-arlene-klasky-discusses-new-digital-a65351 Exclusive Rugrats Creator Arlene Klasky]]

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
*[http://www.cooltoons2.com/rugrats/games/quotes/quotes.html Rugrats random quote generator at Klasky-Csupo]
[[Category:Rugrats]]
[[Category:Nicktoons]]
[[Category:Nickelodeon shows]]
[[Category:1990s Nickelodeon original series]]
[[Category:2000s Nickelodeon original series]]
[[Category:1990s American sitcoms]]
[[Category:2000s American sitcoms]]
[[Category:American animated sitcoms]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:American children's TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Television series on DVD]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]</text>
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'''''[[w:Rugrats|Rugrats]]''''' (1991–2004) is an American animated public television series aimed at older children, and preteens. This series is about babies and their daily antics.

[[Rugrats (season 1)]]

[[Rugrats (season 2)]]

[[Rugrats (season 3)]]

[[Rugrats (season 4)]]

[[Rugrats (season 5)]]

[[Rugrats (season 6)]]

[[Rugrats (season 7)]]

[[Rugrats (season 8)]]

[[Rugrats (season 9)]]

==Films==
* ''[[The Rugrats Movie]]'' (1998)
* ''[[Rugrats in Paris: The Movie]]'' (2000)
* ''[[Rugrats Go Wild]]'' (2003)

==Characters==
===Main===
*Thomas Malcolm ''Tommy'' Pickles - voiced by [[w:Elizabeth Daily|Elizabeth Daily]] (1991-2006), for all seasons, Tami Holbrook (1989), in the unaired pilot
*Charles Crandall Norbert ''Chuckie'' Finster, Jr. - voiced by [[w:Christine Cavanaugh|Christine Cavanaugh]] from 1991-2004, for Seasons 1-8, [[w:Nancy Cartwright|Nancy Cartwright]] from 2002-2004, for Seasons 8-9.
*Angelica Charlotte Pickles - voiced by [[w:Cheryl Chase (actress)|Cheryl Chase]]
*Phillip Richard ''Phil'' DeVille - voiced by [[w:Kath Soucie|Kath Soucie]]
*Lillian Marie ''Lil'' DeVille - voiced by [[w:Kath Soucie|Kath Soucie]]
*Susanna Yvonne ''Susie'' Carmichael - voiced by [[w:Cree Summer|Cree Summer]] from 1993-2004, for Seasons 2-9, and redubbed ''The Last Babysitter'', and ''Angelica's Birthday'', both in Season 3, from 1994-1995, and understudied by [[w:Elizabeth Daily|Elizabeth Daily]], from 1993-1994, for Season 3.
*Kimiko ''Kimi'' Watanabe-Finster - voiced by [[w:Dionne Quan|Dionne Quan]] (2001-2004), for Seasons 7-9.
*Dylan Prescott ''Dil'' Pickles - voiced by [[w:Tara Strong|Tara Strong]], credited as ''Charendoff'' in the film version

===Adults===
*Stu Pickles - voiced by [[w:Jack Riley (actor)|Jack Riley]] (1989), for the unaired pilot, and (1991-2006), for all seasons, as an adult, [[w:Elizabeth Daily|Elizabeth Daily]] (1993), for Season 3, as a baby in ''Sour Pickles'', [[w:Tress MacNeille|Tress MacNeille]] (2004), for Season 9, as a baby in ''Fountain of Youth''.
*Didi Pickles - voiced by [[w:Melanie Chartoff|Melanie Chartoff]] (1989), for the unaired pilot, and (1991-2006), for all seasons.
*Lou K. ''Pop'' Pickles - voiced by [[w:David Doyle (actor)|David Doyle]] (1989), for the unaired pilot, and (1991-1998), for Seasons 1-5, and [[w:Joe Alaskey|Joe Alaskey]] (1997-2004), for Seasons 4-9.
*Andrew ''Drew'' Pickles - voiced by [[w:Michael Bell (actor)|Michael Bell]] as an adult, [[w:Pamela Adlon|Pamela Adlon]] as a baby in ''Sour Pickles''.
*Charlotte Pickles - voiced by [[w:Tress MacNeille|Tress MacNeille]] (1992-2006), for Seasons 2-9.
*Betty DeVille - voiced by [[w:Kath Soucie|Kath Soucie]]
*Howard DeVille - voiced by [[w:Phil Proctor|Phil Proctor]]
*Charles ''Chas'' N. Finster. - voiced by [[w:Michael Bell (actor)|Michael Bell]] (1991-2006), for all seasons.
*Kira Watanabe - voiced by [[w:Julia Kato (actress)|Julia Kato]] (2001-2004), for Seasons 7-9.
*Lulu Pickles - voiced by [[w:Debbie Reynolds|Debbie Reynolds]] (2000-2002), for Seasons 6-9.

===Pets===
*Spike the Dog - voiced by [[w:Frank Welker|Frank Welker]]
*Fluffy the Cat - voiced by [[Robert Skidmore as Robby Squeakmint]] (uncredited)

===Additional Voices===
*[[w:Mona Marshall|Mona Marshall]]

==About ''{{PAGENAME}}''==
*The origins of &quot;Rugrats&quot; began when Vanessa Coffee, a development executive at Nickelodeon, contacted our animation studio. I had taken fifteen months off work after my second child was born. I was working from home on concepts for &quot;Sesame Street&quot; shorts. Gabor Csupo, my husband at the time, asked me to come up with ideas to pitch to NICK. So, I quickly expanded notes I’d written from one of the &quot;Sesame Street&quot; ideas. My thoughts were, &quot;if babies could talk what would they say&quot; and &quot;what was the logic that drove tiny humans to desperately want to stick their hands in the toilet?&quot; It fascinated me, but mostly I found it humorous. Paul Germain, our development executive at the time, and Gabor Csupo then pitched several ideas to Nickelodeon. Vanessa Coffee had the foresight to choose what ultimately became &quot;Rugrats&quot; and Gerry Laybourne, the President of NICK at the time, had the vision to green-light it! Gabor and I sketched some of the original characters and worked with Paul on creating the world of &quot;Rugrats&quot;. Together we produced a pilot that Peter Chung, a brilliant artist and animator, directed. The super talented Mark Mothersbaugh created the music for the show. The studio produced the &quot;Rugrats&quot; and &quot;All Grown Up&quot; series over the next decade as well as two &quot;Rugrats&quot; movies and a third film, where the &quot;Rugrats&quot; meet &quot;The Wild Thornberrys&quot;. Our studio just exploded with work! The next ten years were intense for me because I was raising two children and working. Gabor and I continued to create or produce nine more animated series.
** [[w:Arlene Klasky|Arlene Klasky]] [http://www.comicbookmovie.com/animated_features/exclusive-rugrats-creator-arlene-klasky-discusses-new-digital-a65351 Exclusive Rugrats Creator Arlene Klasky]]

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
*[http://www.cooltoons2.com/rugrats/games/quotes/quotes.html Rugrats random quote generator at Klasky-Csupo]
[[Category:Rugrats]]
[[Category:Nicktoons]]
[[Category:Nickelodeon shows]]
[[Category:1990s Nickelodeon original series]]
[[Category:2000s Nickelodeon original series]]
[[Category:1990s American sitcoms]]
[[Category:2000s American sitcoms]]
[[Category:American animated sitcoms]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:American children's TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Television series on DVD]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]</text>
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'''''[[w:Rugrats|Rugrats]]''''' (1991–2004) is an American animated public television series aimed at older children, and preteens. This series is about babies and their daily antics.

[[Rugrats (season 1)]]

[[Rugrats (season 2)]]

[[Rugrats (season 3)]]

[[Rugrats (season 4)]]

[[Rugrats (season 5)]]

[[Rugrats (season 6)]]

[[Rugrats (season 7)]]

[[Rugrats (season 8)]]

[[Rugrats (season 9)]]

==Films==
* ''[[The Rugrats Movie]]'' (1998)
* ''[[Rugrats in Paris: The Movie]]'' (2000)
* ''[[Rugrats Go Wild]]'' (2003)

==Characters==
===Main===
*Thomas Malcolm ''Tommy'' Pickles - voiced by [[w:Elizabeth Daily|Elizabeth Daily]] (1991-2006), for all seasons, Tami Holbrook (1989), in the unaired pilot.
*Charles Crandall Norbert ''Chuckie'' Finster, Jr. - voiced by [[w:Christine Cavanaugh|Christine Cavanaugh]] (1991-2004), for Seasons 1-8, [[w:Nancy Cartwright|Nancy Cartwright]] (2002-2004), for Seasons 8-9.
*Angelica Charlotte Pickles - voiced by [[w:Cheryl Chase (actress)|Cheryl Chase]] (1991-2006), for all seasons.
*Phillip Richard ''Phil'' DeVille - voiced by [[w:Kath Soucie|Kath Soucie]] (1989), for the unaired pilot, and (1991-2006), for all seasons.
*Lillian Marie ''Lil'' DeVille - voiced by [[w:Kath Soucie|Kath Soucie]] (1989), for the unaired pilot, and (1991-2006), for all seasons.
*Susanna Yvonne ''Susie'' Carmichael - voiced by [[w:Cree Summer|Cree Summer]] (1993-2004), for Seasons 2-9, and redubbed ''The Last Babysitter'', and ''Angelica's Birthday'', both in Season 3, from 1994-1995, and understudied by [[w:Elizabeth Daily|Elizabeth Daily]], from 1993-1994, for Season 3.
*Kimiko ''Kimi'' Watanabe-Finster - voiced by [[w:Dionne Quan|Dionne Quan]] (2001-2004), for Seasons 7-9.
*Dylan Prescott ''Dil'' Pickles - voiced by [[w:Tara Strong|Tara Strong]], credited as ''Charendoff'' in the film version

===Adults===
*Stu Pickles - voiced by [[w:Jack Riley (actor)|Jack Riley]] (1989), for the unaired pilot, and (1991-2006), for all seasons, as an adult, [[w:Elizabeth Daily|Elizabeth Daily]] (1993), for Season 3, as a baby in ''Sour Pickles'', [[w:Tress MacNeille|Tress MacNeille]] (2004), for Season 9, as a baby in ''Fountain of Youth''.
*Didi Pickles - voiced by [[w:Melanie Chartoff|Melanie Chartoff]] (1989), for the unaired pilot, and (1991-2006), for all seasons.
*Lou K. ''Pop'' Pickles - voiced by [[w:David Doyle (actor)|David Doyle]] (1989), for the unaired pilot, and (1991-1998), for Seasons 1-5, and [[w:Joe Alaskey|Joe Alaskey]] (1997-2004), for Seasons 4-9.
*Andrew ''Drew'' Pickles - voiced by [[w:Michael Bell (actor)|Michael Bell]] as an adult, [[w:Pamela Adlon|Pamela Adlon]] as a baby in ''Sour Pickles''.
*Charlotte Pickles - voiced by [[w:Tress MacNeille|Tress MacNeille]] (1992-2006), for Seasons 2-9.
*Betty DeVille - voiced by [[w:Kath Soucie|Kath Soucie]]
*Howard DeVille - voiced by [[w:Phil Proctor|Phil Proctor]]
*Charles ''Chas'' N. Finster. - voiced by [[w:Michael Bell (actor)|Michael Bell]] (1991-2006), for all seasons.
*Kira Watanabe - voiced by [[w:Julia Kato (actress)|Julia Kato]] (2001-2004), for Seasons 7-9.
*Lulu Pickles - voiced by [[w:Debbie Reynolds|Debbie Reynolds]] (2000-2002), for Seasons 6-9.

===Pets===
*Spike the Dog - voiced by [[w:Frank Welker|Frank Welker]]
*Fluffy the Cat - voiced by [[Robert Skidmore as Robby Squeakmint]] (uncredited)

===Additional Voices===
*[[w:Mona Marshall|Mona Marshall]]

==About ''{{PAGENAME}}''==
*The origins of &quot;Rugrats&quot; began when Vanessa Coffee, a development executive at Nickelodeon, contacted our animation studio. I had taken fifteen months off work after my second child was born. I was working from home on concepts for &quot;Sesame Street&quot; shorts. Gabor Csupo, my husband at the time, asked me to come up with ideas to pitch to NICK. So, I quickly expanded notes I’d written from one of the &quot;Sesame Street&quot; ideas. My thoughts were, &quot;if babies could talk what would they say&quot; and &quot;what was the logic that drove tiny humans to desperately want to stick their hands in the toilet?&quot; It fascinated me, but mostly I found it humorous. Paul Germain, our development executive at the time, and Gabor Csupo then pitched several ideas to Nickelodeon. Vanessa Coffee had the foresight to choose what ultimately became &quot;Rugrats&quot; and Gerry Laybourne, the President of NICK at the time, had the vision to green-light it! Gabor and I sketched some of the original characters and worked with Paul on creating the world of &quot;Rugrats&quot;. Together we produced a pilot that Peter Chung, a brilliant artist and animator, directed. The super talented Mark Mothersbaugh created the music for the show. The studio produced the &quot;Rugrats&quot; and &quot;All Grown Up&quot; series over the next decade as well as two &quot;Rugrats&quot; movies and a third film, where the &quot;Rugrats&quot; meet &quot;The Wild Thornberrys&quot;. Our studio just exploded with work! The next ten years were intense for me because I was raising two children and working. Gabor and I continued to create or produce nine more animated series.
** [[w:Arlene Klasky|Arlene Klasky]] [http://www.comicbookmovie.com/animated_features/exclusive-rugrats-creator-arlene-klasky-discusses-new-digital-a65351 Exclusive Rugrats Creator Arlene Klasky]]

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
*[http://www.cooltoons2.com/rugrats/games/quotes/quotes.html Rugrats random quote generator at Klasky-Csupo]
[[Category:Rugrats]]
[[Category:Nicktoons]]
[[Category:Nickelodeon shows]]
[[Category:1990s Nickelodeon original series]]
[[Category:2000s Nickelodeon original series]]
[[Category:1990s American sitcoms]]
[[Category:2000s American sitcoms]]
[[Category:American animated sitcoms]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:American children's TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Television series on DVD]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]</text>
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'''''[[w:Rugrats|Rugrats]]''''' (1991–2004) is an American animated public television series aimed at older children, and preteens. This series is about toddlers, and their daily antics.

[[Rugrats (season 1)]]

[[Rugrats (season 2)]]

[[Rugrats (season 3)]]

[[Rugrats (season 4)]]

[[Rugrats (season 5)]]

[[Rugrats (season 6)]]

[[Rugrats (season 7)]]

[[Rugrats (season 8)]]

[[Rugrats (season 9)]]

==Films==
* ''[[The Rugrats Movie]]'' (1998)
* ''[[Rugrats in Paris: The Movie]]'' (2000)
* ''[[Rugrats Go Wild]]'' (2003)

==Characters==
===Main===
*Thomas Malcolm ''Tommy'' Pickles - voiced by [[w:Elizabeth Daily|Elizabeth Daily]] (1991-2006), for all seasons, Tami Holbrook (1989), in the unaired pilot.
*Charles Crandall Norbert ''Chuckie'' Finster, Jr. - voiced by [[w:Christine Cavanaugh|Christine Cavanaugh]] (1991-2004), for Seasons 1-8, [[w:Nancy Cartwright|Nancy Cartwright]] (2002-2004), for Seasons 8-9.
*Angelica Charlotte Pickles - voiced by [[w:Cheryl Chase (actress)|Cheryl Chase]] (1991-2006), for all seasons.
*Phillip Richard ''Phil'' DeVille - voiced by [[w:Kath Soucie|Kath Soucie]] (1989), for the unaired pilot, and (1991-2006), for all seasons.
*Lillian Marie ''Lil'' DeVille - voiced by [[w:Kath Soucie|Kath Soucie]] (1989), for the unaired pilot, and (1991-2006), for all seasons.
*Susanna Yvonne ''Susie'' Carmichael - voiced by [[w:Cree Summer|Cree Summer]] (1993-2004), for Seasons 2-9, and redubbed ''The Last Babysitter'', and ''Angelica's Birthday'', both in Season 3, from 1994-1995, and understudied by [[w:Elizabeth Daily|Elizabeth Daily]], from 1993-1994, for Season 3.
*Kimiko ''Kimi'' Watanabe-Finster - voiced by [[w:Dionne Quan|Dionne Quan]] (2001-2004), for Seasons 7-9.
*Dylan Prescott ''Dil'' Pickles - voiced by [[w:Tara Strong|Tara Strong]], credited as ''Charendoff'' in the film version

===Adults===
*Stu Pickles - voiced by [[w:Jack Riley (actor)|Jack Riley]] (1989), for the unaired pilot, and (1991-2006), for all seasons, as an adult, [[w:Elizabeth Daily|Elizabeth Daily]] (1993), for Season 3, as a baby in ''Sour Pickles'', [[w:Tress MacNeille|Tress MacNeille]] (2004), for Season 9, as a baby in ''Fountain of Youth''.
*Didi Pickles - voiced by [[w:Melanie Chartoff|Melanie Chartoff]] (1989), for the unaired pilot, and (1991-2006), for all seasons.
*Lou K. ''Pop'' Pickles - voiced by [[w:David Doyle (actor)|David Doyle]] (1989), for the unaired pilot, and (1991-1998), for Seasons 1-5, and [[w:Joe Alaskey|Joe Alaskey]] (1997-2004), for Seasons 4-9.
*Andrew ''Drew'' Pickles - voiced by [[w:Michael Bell (actor)|Michael Bell]] as an adult, [[w:Pamela Adlon|Pamela Adlon]] as a baby in ''Sour Pickles''.
*Charlotte Pickles - voiced by [[w:Tress MacNeille|Tress MacNeille]] (1992-2006), for Seasons 2-9.
*Betty DeVille - voiced by [[w:Kath Soucie|Kath Soucie]]
*Howard DeVille - voiced by [[w:Phil Proctor|Phil Proctor]]
*Charles ''Chas'' N. Finster. - voiced by [[w:Michael Bell (actor)|Michael Bell]] (1991-2006), for all seasons.
*Kira Watanabe - voiced by [[w:Julia Kato (actress)|Julia Kato]] (2001-2004), for Seasons 7-9.
*Lulu Pickles - voiced by [[w:Debbie Reynolds|Debbie Reynolds]] (2000-2002), for Seasons 6-9.

===Pets===
*Spike the Dog - voiced by [[w:Frank Welker|Frank Welker]]
*Fluffy the Cat - voiced by [[Robert Skidmore as Robby Squeakmint]] (uncredited)

===Additional Voices===
*[[w:Mona Marshall|Mona Marshall]]

==About ''{{PAGENAME}}''==
*The origins of &quot;Rugrats&quot; began when Vanessa Coffee, a development executive at Nickelodeon, contacted our animation studio. I had taken fifteen months off work after my second child was born. I was working from home on concepts for &quot;Sesame Street&quot; shorts. Gabor Csupo, my husband at the time, asked me to come up with ideas to pitch to NICK. So, I quickly expanded notes I’d written from one of the &quot;Sesame Street&quot; ideas. My thoughts were, &quot;if babies could talk what would they say&quot; and &quot;what was the logic that drove tiny humans to desperately want to stick their hands in the toilet?&quot; It fascinated me, but mostly I found it humorous. Paul Germain, our development executive at the time, and Gabor Csupo then pitched several ideas to Nickelodeon. Vanessa Coffee had the foresight to choose what ultimately became &quot;Rugrats&quot; and Gerry Laybourne, the President of NICK at the time, had the vision to green-light it! Gabor and I sketched some of the original characters and worked with Paul on creating the world of &quot;Rugrats&quot;. Together we produced a pilot that Peter Chung, a brilliant artist and animator, directed. The super talented Mark Mothersbaugh created the music for the show. The studio produced the &quot;Rugrats&quot; and &quot;All Grown Up&quot; series over the next decade as well as two &quot;Rugrats&quot; movies and a third film, where the &quot;Rugrats&quot; meet &quot;The Wild Thornberrys&quot;. Our studio just exploded with work! The next ten years were intense for me because I was raising two children and working. Gabor and I continued to create or produce nine more animated series.
** [[w:Arlene Klasky|Arlene Klasky]] [http://www.comicbookmovie.com/animated_features/exclusive-rugrats-creator-arlene-klasky-discusses-new-digital-a65351 Exclusive Rugrats Creator Arlene Klasky]]

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
*[http://www.cooltoons2.com/rugrats/games/quotes/quotes.html Rugrats random quote generator at Klasky-Csupo]
[[Category:Rugrats]]
[[Category:Nicktoons]]
[[Category:Nickelodeon shows]]
[[Category:1990s Nickelodeon original series]]
[[Category:2000s Nickelodeon original series]]
[[Category:1990s American sitcoms]]
[[Category:2000s American sitcoms]]
[[Category:American animated sitcoms]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:American children's TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:Children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Television series on DVD]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>A Few Good Men</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
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      <text bytes="29668" sha1="d3sv3fwduges5vrtgffibqsihbjsp5e" xml:space="preserve">[[File:130121-M-ML300-025 (8412038390).jpg|thumb|In the heart of the nation's capital, in a courthouse of the U.S. government, one man will stop at nothing to keep his honor, and one will stop at nothing to find the truth.]]
{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:A Few Good Men|A Few Good Men]]''''' is a [[w:1992 in film|1992 film]] about the trial of two U.S. Marines accused of murder while serving at [[w:Guantanamo Bay|Guantanamo Bay]],Cuba.Tom Cruise Portrays Lawyer and United States Navy Lieutenant Junior Grade Daniel Kaffee. 
:''Directed by [[Rob Reiner]]. Written by [[Aaron Sorkin]], based on his [[w:A Few Good Men (play)|play of the same name]].''
{{center/s}}'''In the heart of the nation's capital, in a courthouse of the U.S. government, one man will stop at nothing to keep his honor, and one will stop at nothing to find the truth.''' ([[#Taglines|taglines]]){{center/e}}

[[File:US-O6 insignia.svg|thumb|'''You can't ''handle'' the truth!''']]
[[File:Flag of the United States Navy.svg|thumb|Don't call me 'son'. I'm a lawyer, and an officer in the United States Navy. And you're under arrest, you ''son of a bitch.'' The witness is excused.]]

== Lieutenant Junior Grade Daniel Kaffee ==
* I want you to know that I think the whole fucking bunch of you are ''certifiably'' insane. This code of honor of yours makes me want to beat the shit out of somebody.

== Colonel Nathan R. Jessup ==
* We're in the business of saving lives, Matthew. That is a responsibility that I think we have to take pretty seriously. And I believe that taking a Marine who's not quite up to the job and shipping him off to some other assignment puts lives in danger. ''[Markinson rises to leave]'' Sit down, Matthew. We go back a while. We went to the Academy together, we were commissioned together, we did our tours in Vietnam together. But I've been promoted up the chain with greater speed and success than you have. Now, if that's a source of tension or embarrassment for you, I don't give a shit. We're in the business of saving lives, Lt. Col. Markinson. Don't ever question my orders in front of another officer.

== Dialogue ==
:'''Galloway''': You're wrong - I ''do'' know you. Daniel Alistair Kaffee, born June 8th 1964 at Boston Mercy Hospital. Your father's Lionel Kaffee, former Navy Judge Advocate and Attorney General of the United States; died 1985. You went to Harvard Law, then you joined the Navy, probably because that's what your father wanted you to do, and now you're just treading water for the three years you've gotta serve in the JAG Corps, just... kinda laying low so you can go out and get a real job. If that's the situation, that's fine, I won't tell anyone. But it's my feeling that if this case is handled in the same fast-food, slick-ass &quot;Persian Bazaar&quot; manner with which you seem to handle everything else, something's gonna get missed. And I wouldn't be doing my job if I allowed Dawson and Downey to spend any more time in prison than absolutely necessary because their attorney had predetermined the path of least resistance.
:'''Kaffee''': Wow... I'm sexually aroused, Commander.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jessup''': Who the fuck is Pfc. William T. Santiago?
:'''Kendrick''': Private Santiago is a member of Second Platoon Bravo.
:'''Jessup''': Yeah. Well, apparently, he's not very happy down here at Shangri-La, because he's written letters to everyone but Santa Claus asking for a transfer, and now he's telling tales about a fence line shooting. Matthew?
:'''Markinson''': I'm... appalled, sir.
:'''Jessup''': You're &quot;appalled&quot;. This kid broke the chain of command and ratted on a member of his unit. To say nothing of the fact that he is a US Marine, and it would appear he can't run from here to there without collapsing from heat exhaustion. What the fuck is going on in Bravo Company, Matthew?
:'''Markinson''': Colonel, I think perhaps it would be better to hold this discussion in private.
:'''Kendrick''': That won't be necessary, Colonel. I can handle the situation, sir.
:'''Markinson''': The same way you handled the Curtis Bell incident? ''[Kendrick starts to speak]'' Don't interrupt me, Lieutenant! I'm still your superior officer.
:'''Jessup''': ''[to Markinson]'' And I'm yours, Matthew. I want to know what we're going to do about this.
:'''Markinson''': I think Santiago should be transferred off the base immediately.
:'''Jessup''': He's that bad, huh?
:'''Markinson''': Not only that, but word of this letter's bound to get out. He's gonna get his ass whipped.
:'''Jessup''': Hmm... Transfer Santiago? ''[sarcastically]'' Yes, I'm sure you're right. I'm sure that's the thing to do. Wait - but I've got a better idea. Let's transfer the whole squad off the base. Let's-- On second thought, Windward. Let's transfer the whole Windward Division off the base. John, tell those boys to get down off the fence. They're packing their bags. ''[calling out to his assistant]'' Tom?
:'''Tom''': ''[enters office]'' Sir?
:'''Jessup''': Get me the President on the phone. We're surrendering our position in Cuba.
:'''Tom''': Yes, sir. ''[starts to leave office]''
:'''Jessup''': Wait a minute, Tom. Don't get the President yet. Maybe we should consider this for a second. Dismissed, Tom.
:'''Tom''': Yes, sir. ''[departs office]''
:'''Col. Jessup''': Maybe, and I'm just spitballing here, maybe we have a responsibility as officers to train Santiago. Maybe we as officers have a responsibility to this country to see that the men and women charged with its security are trained professionals. Yes, I'm certain that I read that somewhere once. And now I'm thinking, Colonel Markinson, that your suggestion of transferring Santiago, while expeditious and certainly painless, might not be, in a matter of speaking, the American way. Santiago stays where he is. We're gonna train the lad! ''[to Kendrick]'' John, you're in charge. Santiago doesn't make 4646 on his next Proficiency and Conduct Report, and I'm going to blame you. And then I'm going to kill you.
:'''Kendrick''': Yes, sir.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kaffee''': It had to be [[w:Professor Plum|Professor Plum]], in the library, with the candlestick.
:'''Galloway''': I'm gonna talk to your supervisor.
:'''Kaffee''': Go straight up the [[w:Pennsylvania Avenue|Pennsylvania Avenue]]. It's the big white house with the pillars.
:'''Galloway''': Thank you.
:'''Kaffee''': I don't think you'll have much luck though.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Markinson''': ''[to Danny]'' I, uh, had the pleasure of meeting your father once. I was a teenager, he spoke at my high school.
:'''Jessup''': Lionel Kaffee?
:'''Danny''': Yes, sir.
:'''Jessup''': Well, what do you know? ''[to Kendrick]'' This man's dad once made a lot of enemies in your neck of the woods. ''Jefferson v. Madison County School District.'' Folks down there said a little black girl couldn't go to an all-white school. Lionel Kaffee said, &quot;Well, we'll just see about that.&quot; How the hell is your dad, Danny?
:'''Danny''': He passed away seven years ago, sir.
:'''Jessup''': ''[after a beat]'' Don't I feel like the fucking asshole?
:'''Danny''': Not at all, sir.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Danny''': Lieutenant Kendrick. May I call you John?
:'''Kendrick''': No, you may not.
:'''Danny''': Have I done something to offend you?
:'''Kendrick''': No, I like all you Navy boys. Every time we gotta go someplace to fight, you fellas always give us a ride.
:'''Galloway''': Lieutenant Kendrick, do you think Santiago was murdered?
:'''Kendrick''': Commander, I believe in God and His son Jesus Christ. And because I do, I can say this. Private Santiago is dead, and that is a tragedy. But he is dead because he had no code. He is dead because he had no honor, and God was watching.
:'''Weinberg''': ''[to Danny]'' How do you feel about that theory?
:'''Danny''': ''[uneasily]'' Sounds good! Let's move on.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jessup''': ''[to Kaffee, while Galloway questions him about Code Reds]'' You know, it just hit me - she outranks you, Danny.
:'''Kaffee''': Yes, sir.
:'''Jessup''': I wanna tell you something, and listen up, 'cause I really mean this: you're the luckiest man in the world. There is nothing on this earth sexier, believe me, gentlemen, than a woman that you have to salute in the morning. Promote 'em all, I say, 'cause this is true: if you haven't gotten a blowjob from a superior officer, well, you're just letting the best in life pass you by. 
:'''Galloway''': Colonel, the practice of Code Reds is still condoned by officers on this base, isn't it?
:'''Jessup''': ''[talking over her]'' 'Course, my problem is, I'm a Colonel, so I guess I'll just have to keep taking cold showers until they elect some gal President. ''[chuckles]''
:'''Galloway''': I need an answer to my question, sir.
:'''Jessup''': Take caution in your tone, Commander. I'm a fair guy, but this fucking heat is making me absolutely crazy. You wanna ask me about Code Reds? On the record, I tell you I discourage the practice in accordance with the Commander's directive. ''Off'' the record, I tell you it is an invaluable part of close infantry training, and if it happens to go on without my knowledge, so be it. I run my unit how I run my unit. You want to investigate me? Roll the dice and take your chances. I eat breakfast 300 yards from 4000 Cubans who are trained to kill me, so don't think for one second that you can come down here, flash a badge, and make me nervous.
:'''Kaffee''': ''[to Weinberg and Galloway]'' Let's go. ''[turns back to Jessup as they stand to leave]'' Colonel, I'll just need a copy of Santiago's transfer order.
:'''Jessup''': What's that?
:'''Kaffee''': Santiago's transfer order. You guys have paperwork on that kind of thing, I just need it for the file.
:'''Jessup''': For the file?
:'''Kaffee''': Yeah.
:'''Jessup''': ''[pause]'' Of course you can have a copy of the transfer order for the file, Danny. I'm here to help anyway I can.
:'''Kaffee''': Thank you.
:'''Jessup''': You believe that, don't you? Danny? That I'm here to help you in anyway I can?
:'''Kaffee''': Of course.
:'''Jessup''': The Corporal will take you by Personnel on your way out to the flight line, and you can have all the transfer orders you want.
:'''Kaffee''': ''[to Weinberg &amp; Galloway]'' Let's go.
:'''Jessup''': But you have to ask me nicely.
:'''Kaffee''': I beg your pardon?
:'''Jessup''': You have to ask me nicely. You see, Danny, I can deal with the bullets and the bombs and the blood. I don't want money and I don't want medals. What I ''do'' want is for you to stand there in that faggoty white uniform and, with your Harvard mouth, extend me some fucking courtesy! You gotta ask me nicely.
:''[A beat, as Kaffee swallows his disbelief]''
:'''Kaffee''': Colonel Jessup, if it's not too much trouble, I'd like a copy of the transfer order, sir.
:'''Jessup''': ''[politely, and with a triumphant smile]'' No problem.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kaffee''': Oh, Harold? You see what I'm getting at? If Santiago didn't have anything on you... why did you give him a Code Red?
:'''Dawson''': He broke the chain of command, sir.
:'''Kaffee''': I'm sorry, he what?
:'''Dawson''': He went outside of his unit.
:'''Kaffee''': Harold, I can't be hearing this right. He what?
:'''Dawson''': ''[with a challenging look]'' He went outside of his unit, sir.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dawson''': We have a code, sir.
:'''Kaffee''': Oh! Well, zip-a-dee-doo-dah! You and your code plead not guilty, you'll be in jail for the rest of your life. Do what I'm telling you, and you'll be home in six months. Do it, Harold! Six months, it's nothing - it's a hockey season!
:'''Dawson''': ''[pauses for a moment]'' Permission to--
:'''Kaffee''': ''[exasperated]'' SPEAK! Jesus!
:'''Dawson''': What do we do ''then'', sir?
:'''Kaffee''': When?
:'''Dawson''': After six months we'll be dishonorably discharged, right, sir?
:'''Kaffee''': Probably.
:'''Dawson''': Well, what do we do ''then'', sir? We joined the Marines because we wanted to live our lives by a certain code, and we found it in the Corps. Now you're asking us to sign a piece of paper that says we have no honor. You're asking us to say we're not Marines. If a court decides that what we did was wrong, then I'll accept whatever punishment they give. But I believe I was right, sir. I believe I did my job, and I ''WILL NOT'' DISHONOR MYSELF, MY UNIT, OR THE CORPS SO THAT I CAN GO HOME IN ''SIX MONTHS!'' Sir!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kaffee''': You, uh... you don't like me very much, do you? Forget it, don't answer that, it doesn't matter. You know, Downey worships you. He's gonna do whatever you do. Are you really gonna let this happen to him because of a code, Harold?
:'''Dawson''': Do you think we were right?
:'''Kaffee''': It doesn't matter--
:'''Dawson''': ''DO YOU THINK WE WERE RIGHT?!''
:'''Kaffee''': I think you'd lose.
:'''Dawson''': You're such a coward. I can't believe they let you wear a uniform.
:'''Kaffee''': ''[resigned]'' I'm not gonna feel responsible for this, I really did everything I could. You're going to Leavenworth for the better part of your life, and you know what? I don't give a shit. ''[opens door to leave, then stops]'' What happened to saluting an officer when he leaves the room?
:''[Dawson stands and puts his hands firmly in his pockets]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Capt. Ross''': You have proof?
:'''Kaffee''': I have the defendants.
:'''Capt. Ross''': And I have 23 Marines and a lieutenant with four letters of commendation.
:'''Kaffee''': Why did Markinson go U.A.?
:'''Capt. Ross''': We'll never know.
:'''Kaffee''': Wait, I can't subpoena Markinson?
:'''Capt. Ross''': You can try, but you won't find him. You know what Markinson did for 17 years? Counterintelligence. Markinson's gone. There is no Markinson.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[after Weinberg attempts to locate Markinson through a friend at the [[w:Naval Criminal Investigative Service|NIS]]]''
:'''Weinberg''': He said if Markinson doesn't wanna be found, we're not gonna find him. He said I could be Markinson and you wouldn't know.
:'''Kaffee''': ''[suspiciously]'' Are you Markinson?
:'''Weinberg''': No.
:'''Kaffee''': I'm not Markinson. That's two down.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Weinberg''': I strenuously object? Is that how it works? Objection. Overruled! No, no, no... I strenuously object! Oh, I should reconsider then!
:'''Galloway''': I got it on the record.
:'''Weinberg''': You got the court thinking we're afraid of the doctor. Christ, you even had the judge saying he was an expert! You object once, so we can say he's not a criminologist. You keep after it, our cross looks like a bunch of fancy lawyer tricks. It's the difference between paper law and trial law!
:''[...]''
:'''Galloway''': Why do you hate them so much?
:'''Weinberg''': They beat up on a weakling. The rest of this is just smoke-filled-coffeehouse crap. They tortured and tormented a weaker kid! They didn't like him. So? They killed him. And ''why?'' Because he couldn't run very fast!
:''[...]''
:'''Weinberg''': ''[turning back to face Galloway]'' Why do you like them so much?
:'''Galloway''': ''[with a confident tone]'' Because they stand on a wall and say, &quot;Nothing's gonna hurt you tonight. Not on my watch.&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kaffee''': ''[drunk]'' Anyway, since we seem to be out of witnesses, I thought I'd drink a little.
:'''Galloway''': I still think we can win.
:'''Kaffee''': ''[holds back a laugh]'' Maybe ''you'' should drink a little.
:'''Galloway''': Look, we'll go to Randolph in the morning and make a motion for a continuance, twenty-four hours.
:'''Kaffee''': Why would we wanna do that?
:'''Galloway''': To subpoena Colonel Jessup.
:'''Kaffee''': ''What?''
:'''Galloway''': Listen for a second.
:'''Kaffee''': No.
:'''Galloway''': Just hear me out!
:'''Kaffee''': No, I won't listen and I won't hear you out. Your passion is compelling, Jo; it's also useless. Louden Downey needed a trial lawyer today!
:'''Galloway''': You chickenshit. You're going to use what happened today as an excuse to give up?
:'''Kaffee''': It's. ''Over.''
:'''Galloway''': Why did you ask Jessup for the transfer order?
:'''Kaffee''': What?
:'''Galloway''': In Cuba, why did you ask Jessup for the transfer order?
:'''Kaffee''': What does it matter? I wanted the damn transfer order!
:'''Galloway''': Bullshit! You could've gotten it by picking up the phone and calling any one of the dozen departments at the Pentagon. You didn't want the transfer order, you wanted to see Jessup's reaction when you asked for the transfer order. You had an instinct, and it was confirmed by Markinson. Now dammit, lets put Jessup on the stand and end this thing!
:'''Kaffee''': What possible good could come from putting Jessup on the stand?
:'''Galloway''': He told Kendrick to order the Code Red!
:'''Kaffee''': ''[sarcastic]'' He did? Well, that's great! Why didn't you say so?! And of course, you have ''proof'' of that? Oh! I'm sorry, I keep forgetting, you were sick the day they taught ''law'' at law school!
:'''Galloway''': You put him on the stand and you get it from him.
:'''Kaffee''': Oh, we get it from him! Yes! No problem! We get it from him! &quot;Colonel Jessup, isn't it true that you ordered the Code Red on Santiago?&quot;
:'''Weinberg''': Listen, we're all a little--
:'''Kaffee''': ''[imitates buzzer]'' EEEGH! I'm sorry, your time's run out! What do we have for the losers, Judge?! Well, for our defendants, it's a lifetime at exotic Fort Leavenworth! And for defense counsel Kaffee... That's right! It's a ''court martial!'' Yes, Johnny! After falsely accusing a highly decorated Marine officer of conspiracy and perjury, Lieutenant Kaffee will have a long and prosperous career teaching... typewriter maintenance at the Rocco Globo School for Women! Thank you for playing! Should we, or should we ''not,'' '''''FOLLOW THE ADVICE OF THE GALACTICALLY STUPID?!'''''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kaffee''': I think my father would've enjoyed seeing me graduate from law school. I think he would've liked that an awful lot.
:'''Weinberg''': I ever tell you I wrote a paper about your father in college?
:'''Kaffee''': Yeah?
:'''Weinberg''': One of the best trial lawyers ever.
:'''Kaffee''': Yes; he was.
:'''Weinberg''': And if I were Dawson and Downey and I had a choice between you or your father to represent me in this case, I'd choose you any day of the week and twice on Sunday. You should've seen yourself thunder away at Kendrick.
:'''Kaffee''': Would you put Jessup on the stand?
:'''Weinberg''': No.
:'''Kaffee''': You think my father would've?
:'''Weinberg''': With the evidence we got? Not in a million years. But here's the thing, and there's really no way of getting around this: neither Lionel Kaffee nor Sam Weinberg are lead counsel in the matter of ''US v. Dawson and Downey''. So there's really only one question: what would ''you'' do?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Col. Jessup chuckles while on the witness stand]''
:'''Kaffee''': You think this funny?
:'''Col. Jessup''': ''[face falls to a look of disgust]'' No, it isn't. It's tragic.
:'''Kaffee''': Do you have an answer to the question, Colonel?
:'''Col. Jessup''': Absolutely. My answer is I don't have the first damn clue. Maybe he was an early riser and liked to pack in the morning. And maybe he didn't have any friends. I'm an educated man, but I'm afraid I can't speak intelligently about the travel habits of William Santiago. What I do know is that he was set to leave the base at 0600. Now, are these really the questions I was called here to answer? Phone calls and foot lockers? Please tell me that you have something more, Lieutenant. These two Marines are on trial for their lives. Please tell me their lawyer hasn't pinned their hopes to a phone bill.
:''[Kaffee hesitates, dumbfounded]''
:'''Col. Jessup''': Do you have any more questions for me, Counselor?
:'''Judge Randolph''': Lt. Kaffee? ''[pause]'' Lieutenant, do you have anything further for this witness?
:''[Jessup defiantly gets up to leave the courtroom]''
:'''Col. Jessup''': Thanks, Danny. I love Washington.
:'''Kaffee''': Excuse me. I didn't dismiss you.
:'''Col. Jessup''': I beg your pardon?
:'''Kaffee''': I'm not through with my examination. Sit down.
:'''Col. Jessup''': Colonel.
:'''Kaffee''': What's that?
:'''Col. Jessup''': I would appreciate it if he would address me as &quot;Colonel&quot; or &quot;sir.&quot; I believe I've earned it.
:'''Judge Randolph''': Defense counsel will address the witness as &quot;Colonel&quot; or &quot;sir.&quot;
:'''Col. Jessup''': ''[to Judge]'' I don't know what the hell kind of unit you're running here.
:'''Judge Randolph''': And the witness will address this court as &quot;Judge&quot; or &quot;your Honor.&quot; I'm quite certain ''I've'' earned it. Take your seat, Colonel.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kaffee''': A moment ago, you said that you ordered Lt. Kendrick to tell his men that Santiago wasn't to be touched.
:'''Jessup''': That's right.
:'''Kaffee''': And Lt. Kendrick was clear on what you wanted?
:'''Jessup''': Crystal.
:'''Kaffee''': Any chance Lt. Kendrick ignored the order?
:'''Jessup''': Ignored the order?
:'''Kaffee''': Any chance he forgot about it?
:'''Jessup''': No.
:'''Kaffee''': Any chance Lt. Kendrick left your office and said, &quot;the old man is wrong&quot;?
:'''Jessup''': No.
:'''Kaffee''': When Lt. Kendrick spoke to the platoon and ordered ''them'' not to touch Santiago, any chance they ignored him?
:'''Jessup''': You ever served in an infantry unit, son?
:'''Kaffee''': No, sir.
:'''Jessup''': Ever served in a forward area?
:'''Kaffee''': No, sir.
:'''Jessup''': Ever put your life in another man's hands and asked him to put his life in yours?
:'''Kaffee''': No, sir.
:'''Jessup''': We follow orders, son. We follow orders or people die. It's that simple. Are we clear?
:'''Kaffee''': Yes, sir.
:'''Jessup''': Are we ''clear?''
:'''Kaffee''': Crystal. Colonel, I just have one more question before I put Airman O'Malley and Airman Rodriguez on the stand. ''If'' you gave an order that Santiago wasn't to be touched, and your orders are always followed, then why would Santiago be in danger? Why would it be necessary to transfer him off the base?
:''[Jessup hesitates]''
:'''Jessup''': Santiago was a substandard Marine. He was being transferred...
:'''Kaffee''': That's not what you said. You said he was being transferred, because he was in grave danger.
:'''Jessup''': That's correct.
:'''Kaffee''': You said he was in danger. I said &quot;grave danger&quot;? You said...
:'''Jessup''': I recall what I said.
:'''Kaffee''': I could have the court reporter read back to you...
:'''Jessup''': I know what I said! I don't have to have it read back to me, like I'm...
:'''Kaffee''': Then why the two orders? Colonel?
:'''Jessup''': ''[hesitates]'' Sometimes men take matters into their own hands.
:'''Kaffee''': No, sir. You made it clear just a moment ago that your men ''never'' take matters into their own hands. Your men follow orders or people die. So Santiago shouldn't have been in any danger at all, should he have, Colonel?
:'''Jessup''': You snotty little bastard.
:'''Ross''': Your Honor, I'd like to ask for a recess.
:'''Kaffee''': I'd like an answer to the question, Judge.
:'''Judge Randolph''': The court will wait for an answer.
:'''Kaffee''': If Lieutenant Kendrick gave an order that Santiago wasn't to be touched, then why did he have to be transferred? Colonel? Lieutenant Kendrick ordered the Code Red, didn't he? Because ''that's'' what you told Lieutenant Kendrick to do!
:'''Ross''': Object!
:'''Kaffee''': And when it went bad, you cut these guys loose! 
:'''Ross''': '''Your Honor'''--
:'''Kaffee''': You had Markinson sign a phony transfer order, and you doctored the log book!
:'''Ross''': DAMN IT, KAFFEE!
:'''Kaffee''': You coerced the doctor!
:'''Judge Randolph''': Consider yourself in contempt!
:'''Kaffee''': Now I'm asking you! Colonel Jessup, did you ''order'' the Code Red?!
:'''Judge Randolph''': You don't have to answer that question!
:'''Jessup''': I'll answer the question. You want answers?
:'''Kaffee''': I think I'm entitled to it!
:'''Jessup''': You want ''answers?!''
:'''Kaffee''': ''I WANT THE TRUTH!''
:'''Jessup''': '''You can't ''handle'' the truth!''' Son, we live in a world that has walls, and those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Lieutenant Weinberg? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Santiago and you curse the Marines. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that Santiago's death, while tragic, probably saved lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, ''saves lives!'' You don't want the truth, because deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you ''want'' me on that wall. You ''need'' me on that wall. We use words like &quot;honor&quot;, &quot;code&quot;, &quot;loyalty&quot;. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent ''defending'' something. You use them as a punchline! I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide, and then ''QUESTIONS'' the manner in which I provide it! I would rather you just said &quot;thank you&quot;, and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon, and stand a post. Either way, I don't give a ''DAMN'' what you think you are entitled to!
:'''Kaffee''': Did you order the Code Red?
:'''Jessup''': I did the job that—
:'''Kaffee''': ''DID YOU ORDER THE CODE RED?!''
:'''Jessup''': ''YOU'RE GODDAMN RIGHT I DID!!!''
:* The bolded portion is ranked #29 in the [[w:AFI's 100 Years…100 Movie Quotes|American Film Institute's list of the top 100 movie quotations]] in American cinema.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Col. Jessup''': ''[Judge dismisses the jury]'' What the hell is this? Colonel, what's going on? I did my job, I'd do it again! ''[stands up defiantly]'' I'm gonna get on a plane and go on back to my base.
:'''Judge Randolph''': You're not going anywhere, Colonel. MPs, guard the Colonel!
:'''Marine MP''': Yes, sir.
:''[MPs take post]''
:'''Judge Randolph''': Captain Ross?
:'''Col. Jessup''': What the hell is this?
:'''Capt. Ross''': Colonel Jessup, you have the right to remain silent. Any statement you make...
:'''Col. Jessup''': ''[while Ross continues reading his rights]'' I'm being charged with a crime? Is that what this is?! I'm being charged with a ''crime?!'' This is funny. That's what this is. This is... ''[turns to Kaffee and lunges at him while MPs hold him back]'' I'M GONNA RIP THE EYES OUTTA YOUR HEAD AND PISS IN YOUR DEAD SKULL! ''YOU FUCKED WITH THE WRONG MARINE!''
:'''Capt. Ross''': Colonel Jessup, do you understand these rights as I have just read them to you?
:'''Col. Jessup''': You fuckin' people. You have no idea how to defend a nation. All you did was weaken a country today, Kaffee. That's all you did. You put people's lives in danger. Sweet dreams, son.
:'''Kaffee''': Don't call me &quot;son&quot;. I'm a lawyer, and an officer in the United States Navy. And you're under arrest, you ''son of a bitch.'' The witness is excused. 
:''[Defeated, Jessup picks up his military cap and is escorted away by the military police]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Downey''': I don't understand... Colonel Jessup said he ordered the Code Red.
:'''Galloway''': I know, but...
:'''Downey''': Colonel Jessup said he ordered the Code Red! What did we do wrong?
:'''Galloway''': It's not that simple...
:'''Downey''': What did we do wrong? We did nothing wrong!
:'''Dawson''': Yeah, we did. We were supposed to fight for people who couldn't fight for themselves. We were supposed to fight for Willie.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kaffee''': Harold?
:'''Dawson''': Sir?
:'''Kaffee''': You don't need a patch on your arm to have honor.
:'''Dawson''': ''[salutes]'' Ten-hut! There's an officer on deck!

==Taglines==
*In the heart of the nation's capital, in a courthouse of the U.S. government, one man will stop at nothing to keep his honor, and one will stop at nothing to find the truth.

== Cast ==
* [[Tom Cruise]] - Lieutenant Daniel Kaffee
* [[Demi Moore]] - Lieutenant Commander Joanne Galloway
* [[w:Jack Nicholson|Jack Nicholson]] - Colonel Nathan R.Jessup
* [[w:Kevin Bacon|Kevin Bacon]] - Captain Jack Ross
* [[Kiefer Sutherland]] - Lieutenant Jonathan Kendrick
* [[w:J.T. Walsh|J.T. Walsh]] - Lieutenant Colonel Matthew Markinson
* [[w:Kevin Pollak|Kevin Pollak]] - Lieutenant Junior Grade Sam Weinberg
* [[w:James Marshall_(actor)|James Marshall]] - Private First Class Louden Downey
* [[w:Matt Craven|Matt Craven]] - Lieutenant Dave Spradling
* [[w:Wolfgang Bodison|Wolfgang Bodison]] - Lance Corporal Harold W.Dawson
* [[w:J.A. Preston|J.A. Preston]] - Judge Julius Alexander Randolph
* [[w:Noah Wyle|Noah Wyle]] - Corporal Jeffrey Barnes
* [[w:Cuba Gooding Jr.|Cuba Gooding Jr.]] - Corporal Carl Hammaker
* [[w:John M. Jackson|John M. Jackson]] - Captain West
* [[w:Xander Berkeley|Xander Berkeley]] - Captain Whitaker
* [[w:Joshua Malina|Joshua Malina]] - Tom
* [[w:Christopher Guest|Christopher Guest]] - Dr.Stone
* [[Aaron Sorkin]] - Lawyer bragging in tavern

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0104257|title=A Few Good Men}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|id=few_good_men|title=A Few Good Men}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Few Good Men, A}}
[[Category:1992 films]]
[[Category:1990s American films]]
[[Category:Crime drama films]]
[[Category:Legal films]]
[[Category:Films directed by Rob Reiner]]
[[Category:Screenplays by Aaron Sorkin]]
[[Category:Films set in Washington, D.C.]]
[[Category:Films based on plays]]
[[Category:Films about the United States Marine Corps]]
[[Category:Films about the United States Navy]]
[[Category:Films set in courtrooms]]
[[Category:Films about lawyers]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>SpongeBob SquarePants</title>
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      <text bytes="9625" sha1="i44racfnqiuckanixc6sdn5uxzdkfgz" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
{{SpongeBob header}}
'''''{{W|SpongeBob SquarePants}}''''', also known as simply '''''SpongeBob''''', is an American animated television series that airs on Nickelodeon. The show follows the adventures of the title character and his various friends in the underwater city, and being pursued by the evil Plankton.

==Seasons==
: [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 1|Season 1]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 2|2]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 3|3]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 4|4]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 5|5]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 6|6]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 7|7]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 8|8]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 9|9]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 10|10]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 11|11]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 12|12]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 13|13]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 14|14]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 15|15]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 16|16]], [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 17|17]]

===Opening===
:''[opening sequence]''
:'''Painty''': Are you ready, kids?
:'''Kids''': Aye-aye, captain!
:'''Painty''': I can't hear you!
:'''Kids''': Aye-aye, captain!
:'''Painty''': Ohhhh... Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?
:'''Kids''': SpongeBob SquarePants! ''[the hand puts SpongeBob's pants on]''
:'''Painty''': Absorbent and yellow and porous is he!
:'''Kids''': SpongeBob SquarePants!
:'''Painty''': If nautical nonsense be somethin' you wish!
:'''Kids''': SpongeBob SquarePants!
:'''Painty''': Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish!
:'''Kids''': SpongeBob SquarePants!
:'''Painty''': Ready?
:'''Painty, Kids''': SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePants!
:'''Painty''': SpongeBob SquarePants! ''[laughs]''

===Films===
* ''[[The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie]]''
* ''[[The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water|Sponge Out of Water]]''
* ''[[The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge on the Run|Sponge on the Run]]''
* ''[[Saving Bikini Bottom: The Sandy Cheeks Movie]]''
* ''[[Plankton: The Movie]]''
* ''[[The SpongeBob Movie: Search for SquarePants|Search for SquarePants]]''

===Spin-off shows===
* ''[[Kamp Koral: SpongeBob's Under Years]]''
* ''[[The Patrick Star Show]]''
===Specials===
* ''[[Kreepaway Kamp]]''
* ''[[SpongeBob and Patrick's Timeline Twist-Up]]''
* ''[[SpongeBob's Big Birthday Blowout]]''
* ''[[SpongeBob SquarePants Presents The Tidal Zone]]''
* ''[[Snow Yellow]]''
* ''[[Sandy's Country Christmas]]''

==Repeated quotes==
* '''SpongeBob''': &quot;I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready!&quot;
* '''Patrick''': &quot;Oh, barnacles!&quot;
* '''SpongeBob and Patrick''': &quot;Aw, tartar sauce!&quot;
* '''Patrick''': &quot;Good morning, Krusty Crew!&quot;
* '''Mr. Krabs''': &quot;Ar Ar Ar Ar Ar!&quot;
* '''SpongeBob''': &quot;Hoppin' clams!&quot;
* '''Squidward''': &quot;Typical.&quot;
* '''SpongeBob''': &quot;Order up!&quot;
* '''Mr. Krabs''': &quot;Mr. Squidward!&quot;
* '''Mermaid Man''': &quot;EEEEVILLL!!!&quot;
* '''Patrick''': &quot;Aw, fish paste!&quot;
* '''Fred''': &quot;My leg!&quot;
* '''Sandy''': &quot;Yee-haw!&quot;
* '''Plankton''': &quot;I went to college!&quot;
* '''Pearl''': &quot;That's totally coral.&quot;
* '''Squidward''': “Whatever.”
* '''Karen''': &quot;Oh boy.&quot;
* '''Patrick''': &quot;I don't get it...&quot;
* '''Larry''': &quot;Livin' like Larry!&quot;
* '''Barnacle Boy''': &quot;Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy Unite!&quot;
* '''Patchy''': &quot;Ahoy!&quot;
* '''Squidward''': &quot;Yah-tah-tah-tah.&quot;
* '''Larry''': &quot;Hello, SpongeBob!&quot;
* '''Sandy''': &quot;Yee-haw!&quot;
* '''Rube Goldfish''': &quot;Amazing!&quot;
* '''Lady Upturn''': &quot;I am offended!&quot;
* '''Realistic Fish Head''': &quot;We interrupt this program...&quot;
* '''Potty the Parrot''': &quot;Squawk.&quot;
* '''Perch Perkins''': &quot;Hello, Bikini Bottom!&quot;
* '''Squidward''': &quot;Another day, another migraine.&quot;
* '''SpongeBob''': &quot;Yeah.&quot;
* '''Mr. Krabs''': &quot;Spongebob me boy!&quot;
* '''Perch Perkins''': &quot;Perch Perkins here.&quot;
* '''Pearl''': &quot;Daddy!&quot;
* '''Mermaid Man''': &quot;Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy Unite!&quot;
* '''Barnacle Boy''': &quot;You old coot.&quot;
* '''Perch Perkins''': &quot;Perch Perkins reporting live.&quot;
* '''Elwood''': &quot;This is fun!&quot;

==Video Games==
*[[SpongeBob SquarePants: Legend of the Lost Spatula]] (2001)
*[[SpongeBob SquarePants: SuperSponge]] (2001)
*[[SpongeBob SquarePants: Revenge of the Flying Dutchman]] (2002)
*[[SpongeBob SquarePants: Battle for Bikini Bottom]] (2003)
*[[The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie (video game)]] (2004)
*[[Nicktoons Movin']] (2004)
*[[Nicktoons Unite!]] (2005)
*[[SpongeBob SquarePants: Lights, Camera, Pants!]] (2005)
*[[SpongeBob SquarePants: Creature from the Krusty Krab]] (2006)
*[[Nicktoons: Battle for Volcano Island]] (2006)
*[[SpongeBob's Atlantis SquarePantis (video game)]] (2007)
*[[Nicktoons: Attack of the Toybots]] (2007)
*[[Nicktoons: Android Invasion]] (2008)
*[[Nicktoons: Globs of Doom|SpongeBob SquarePants featuring Nicktoons: Globs of Doom]] (2008)
*[[SpongeBob SquarePants: Fists of Foam]] (2008)
*[[SpongeBob's Truth or Square (video game)]] (2009)
*[[SpongeBob SquarePants: Plankton's Robotic Revenge]] (2013)
*[[SpongeBob HeroPants]] (2015)
*[[Nickelodeon Kart Racers]] (2018)
*[[SpongeBob SquarePants: Patty Pursuit]] (2020)
*[[SpongeBob SquarePants: Battle for Bikini Bottom|SpongeBob SquarePants: Battle for Bikini Bottom - Rehydrated]] (2020)
*[[Nickelodeon Kart Racers 2: Grand Prix]] (2020)
*[[Nickelodeon All-Star Brawl]] (2021)
*[[Nickelodeon Kart Racers 3: Slime Speedway]] (2022)
*[[SpongeBob SquarePants: The Cosmic Shake]] (2023)
*[[Nickelodeon All-Star Brawl 2]] (2023)
*[[SpongeBob SquarePants: The Patrick Star Game]] (2024)
*[[Nicktoons &amp; The Dice of Destiny]] (2025)
*[[SpongeBob SquarePants: Titans of the Tide]] (2025)
*[[SpongeBob SquarePants: Patty Pursuit 2]] (2025)

==About==
* The main thing missing from cartoons is today that old cartoons were cartoony. They did things you can't do in any other medium. Today's cartoons are very conservative and are more like live action. The characters look the same in every frame of the dang cartoon. The old cartoons squashed, stretched, and did crazy expressions. They were imaginative and crazy. A lot of cartoons aren't imaginative, they just say things. It might as well be radio. There is no point in having anything to look at in modern cartoons. But you can't say that about every cartoon. [Genndy Tartakovsky's cartoons are beautiful. The closest thing now to what I'm saying is ''SpongeBob'' but even that doesn't go very far. It's like a conservative version of ''Ren &amp; Stimpy''.
**[[John Kricfalusi]] interview (Oct 12, 2004)

==Voice Cast==
===Main Cast===
*Tom Kenny as SpongeBob, Gary
*Bill Fagerbakke as Patrick
*Rodger Bumpass as Squidward
*Clancy Brown as Mr. Krabs
*Mr. Lawrence as Plankton, Larry the Lobster
*Jill Talley as Karen
*Carolyn Lawrence as Sandy
*Mary Jo Catlett as Mrs. Puff
*Lori Alan as Pearl

===Supporting Cast===
*Tom Kenny as Harold SquarePants, Slappy
*Mr. Lawrence as Potty, Realistic Fish Head
*Ernest Borgnine as Mermaid Man
*Tim Conway as Barnacle Boy
*Brian Doyle-Murray as The Flying Dutchman
*John O'Hurley as King Neptune
*Sirena Irwin as Margaret SquarePants
*Dee Bradley Baker as Perch Perkins, Bubble Bass
*John Gegenhuber as Old Man Jenkins

===Other Cast===
*Dee Snider as Angry Jack
*Betty White as Beatrice
*Bob Barker as Bob Barnacle
*Brad Abrell as Bubble Buddy
*Dee Bradley Baker as Craig Mammalton, Sea Bear, Squilliam, Tinkle, Clem
*Jeff Garlin as Cuddle E. Hugs
*Tom Kenny as Dirty Bubble, Ouchie, Jeff Tentacles
*Paul Tibbitt as DoodleBob, Kyle, Mama Krabs
*Thomas F. Wilson as Flats the Flounder, Tattletale Strangler, Cecil
*Gene Shalit as Gene Scallop
*Ian McShane as Gordon
*Amy Poehler as Granny
*Johnny Depp as Jack Kahuna Laguna
*Patton Oswalt as Jim
*Biz Markie as Kenny the Cat
*David Bowie as Lord Royal Highness
*Bob Joles as Man Ray
*Pat Morita as Master Udon
*Mark Hamill as Moth
*Alton Brown as Nicholas Wilthers
*Victoria Beckham as Queen Amphitrite
*Sebastian Bach as Prince Triton
*Gilbert Gottfried as Sal
*Gene Simmons as Sea Monster
*Robin Sachs as Sergeant Sam Roderick
*Henry Winkler as Sharkface
*Michael McKean as Lonnie
*Clancy Brown as Ronnie, Dennis, Pa Plankton
*David Lander as Donnie
*R. Lee Ermey as Warden
*Scarlett Johansson as Princess Mindy
*Neil Ross as Cyclops
*Antonio Banderas as Burger-Beard
*Matt Berry as Bubbles, King Poseidon
*Reggie Watts as Chancellor
*Keanu Reeves as Sage
*Danny Trejo as El Diablo
*Carlos Alazraqui as Nobby, Clem
*Kate Higgins as Narlene, Ma Plankton
*Brad Garrett as Kraken
*Cree Summer as Bunny
*Jill Talley as Squidina, Pinkeye
*Dana Snyder as GrandPat
*John DiMaggio as Blackjack
*Christopher Guest as Stanley
*Garnett Sailor as Captain Blue
*Marion Ross as Grandma SquarePants
*Rodger Bumpass as Mrs. Tentacles
*Mary Jo Catlett as Grandma Tentacles
*Sirena Irwin as Mama Krabs
*Dennis Quaid as Captain Redbeard
*Laraine Newman as Granny Plankton

==See Also==
* ''[[The Ren &amp; Stimpy Show]]''
* ''[[Rocko's Modern Life]]''

==External Links==
{{SpongeBob SquarePants}}
[[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2000s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2010s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2020s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:1990s American surreal comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:2000s American surreal comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:2010s American surreal comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:2020s American surreal comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated musical TV shows]]
[[Category:Television series on DVD]]
[[Category:Current shows]]
[[Category:SpongeBob SquarePants]]
[[Category:Nicktoons]]
[[Category:American TV shows with live action and animation]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about fish]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (film)</title>
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        <username>~2026-23459-53</username>
        <id>3311465</id>
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      <comment>/* Dialogue */</comment>
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      <text bytes="18165" sha1="10wde37e0t7nxus237fwyosl6op7488" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
[[File:Noun project 1110.svg|thumb|We can't stop here! This is bat country!]]
[[File:Las Vegas (Nevada, USA), The Strip -- 2012 -- 6232.jpg|thumb|There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. Some kind of high powered mutant never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die.]]
[[File:Welcome to Las Vegas - The Strip South (9179212850).jpg|thumb|Psychedelics are almost irrelevant in a town where you can wander in a casino any time in the day or night and witness the crucifixion of a gorilla.]]
[[File:Gonzo.svg|thumb| We had two bags of grass, 75 pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high-powered blotter acid, a saltshaker half-full of cocaine, a whole galaxy of multi-colored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers... Also, a quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of beer, a pint of raw ether, and two dozen amyls. Not that we needed all that for the trip, but once you get locked into a serious drug collection, the tendency is to push it as far as you can. The only thing that really worried me was the ether. There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a man in the depths of an ether binge, and I knew we'd get into that rotten stuff pretty soon.]]
'''''[[w:Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (film)|Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas]]''''' is a [[w:1998 in film|1998 film]] about an oddball journalist and his psychopathic lawyer travel who to Las Vegas for a series of psychedelic escapades.
:''Directed by [[w:Terry Gilliam|Terry Gilliam]] Screenplay by [[w:Terry Gilliam|Terry Gilliam]], based on the [[w:Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas|semi-autobiographical book]] by [[Hunter S. Thompson]].''
{{center/s}}'''Four Days, Three nights, Two Convertibles, One City.'''[[#Taglines|taglines]]{{center/e}}

:'''''See also: [[Hunter S. Thompson#Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (1971)|Quotes from the novel]]'''''

== Raoul Duke ==
[[File:Interstate 15 - Utah - 9076359630.jpg|thumb|There was only one road back to L.A., U.S. interstate 15. Just a flat-out high speed burn through Baker, and Barstow, and [[w:San Bernardino, California|Berdoo]]. Then on to the Hollywood freeway straight into frantic oblivion. Safety... obscurity... just another freak in the freak kingdom.]]
* [''Responding to Waitress''] Madame, sir, baby, child, whatever...

* FINISH THE FUCKING STORY!

* A drug person can learn to cope with things like seeing their dead grandmother crawling up their leg with a knife in her teeth, but nobody should be asked to handle this trip. Bazooko's Circus is what the whole hep world would be doing Saturday night if the Nazis had won the war. This was the Sixth Reich.

* The ether was wearing off. The acid was long gone. But the mescaline was running strong. Good mescaline comes on slow. The first hour's all waiting. Then about halfway through its second hour, you start cursing the creep who burned you because nothing's happening. And then...zang!

*How long could we maintain? I wondered. How long until one of us starts raving and jabbering at this boy? What will he think then? This same lonely desert was the last known home of the Manson family; will he make that grim connection when my attorney starts screaming about bats and huge manta rays coming down on the car? If so, well, we'll just have to cut his head off and bury him somewhere, 'cause it goes without saying that we can't turn him loose. He'd report us at once to some kind of outback Nazi law enforcement agency and they'll run us down like dogs. Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?

* I was right in the middle of a fucking reptile zoo! And somebody was giving booze to these goddamn things! It won't be long now, before they tear us to shreds.

* [''Yelling to Dr. Gonzo''] PLEASE, TELL ME ABOUT THE FUCKING GOLF SHOES!

* Jesus! Bad waves of paranoia, madness, fear and loathing, intolerable vibrations in this place. Get out! The weasels were closing in. I could smell the ugly brutes.

* We had two bags of grass, 75 pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high-powered blotter acid, a saltshaker half-full of cocaine, a whole galaxy of multi-colored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers... Also, a quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of beer, a pint of raw ether, and two dozen amyls. Not that we needed all that for the trip, but once you get locked into a serious drug collection, the tendency is to push it as far as you can. The only thing that really worried me was the ether. There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a man in the depths of an ether binge, and I knew we'd get into that rotten stuff pretty soon.

* Don't go near that elevator - that's just what they want us to do... trap us in a steel box and take us down to the basement.

* My attorney had never caught on to the notion espoused by some former drug users that you can get a lot higher without drugs than with them. And neither have I, for that matter.

* Psychedelics are almost irrelevant in a town where you can wander in a casino any time in the day or night and witness the crucifixion of a gorilla.

* There was no sense in blowing everything away for the sake of some violent ape I'd never even met.

* There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. Some kind of high powered mutant never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die.
**This quote, while used in the movie, is not actually from the book. It was actually written by Thompson much later in &quot;The Banshee Screams for Buffalo Meat.&quot;

* Strange memories on this nervous night in Las Vegas. Five years later? Six? It seems like a lifetime, or at least a main era... The kind of peak that never comes again. San Francisco in the middle sixties was a very special time and place to be a part of. Maybe it meant something, maybe not, in the long run. But no explanation, no mix of words or music or memories can touch that sense of knowing that you were there and alive in that corner of time in the world. Whatever it meant. There was madness in any direction, at any hour. You could strike sparks anywhere. There was a fantastic universal sense that whatever we were doing was right, that we were winning. And that, I think, was the handle - that sense of inevitable victory over the forces of Old and Evil. Not in any mean or military sense; we didn’t need that. Our energy would simply prevail. There was no point in fighting - on our side or theirs. We had all the momentum; we were riding the crest of a high and beautiful wave. So now, less than five years later, you can go up on a steep hill in Las Vegas and look West, and with the right kind of eyes you can almost see the high-water mark - that place where the wave finally broke and rolled back.

* '''There was only one road back to L.A., U.S. interstate 15. Just a flat-out high speed burn through Baker, and Barstow, and [[w:San Bernardino, California|Berdoo]]. Then on to the Hollywood freeway straight into frantic oblivion. Safety... obscurity... just another freak in the freak kingdom.''' We'd gone in search of the American dream, it had been a lame fuck around. A waste of time. There was no point in looking back. Fuck no, not today, thank you kindly. My heart was filled with joy. I felt like a monster reincarnation of Horatio Alger, a man on the move, and just sick enough to be totally confident.  ''The bolded lines are from the film version.''

* Everything was automatic. I could sit in the red-leather driver's seat and make every inch of the car jump, by touching the proper buttons.  It was a wonderful machine: Ten grand worth of gimmicks and big-priced Special Effects. The rear-windows leaped up with a touch, like frogs in a dynamite pond. The white canvas top ran up and down like a roller-coaster. The dashboard was full of esoteric lights &amp; dials &amp; meters that I would never understand — but there was no doubt in my mind I was in a superior machine.

* [''yelling at a crowd in a parking lot''] You people voted for [[Hubert Humphrey]]! And [[wikipedia: Jewish_deicide|you killed Jesus]]!

* Few people understand the psychology of dealing with a highway traffic cop. Your normal speeder will panic and immediately pull over to the side. This is wrong. It arouses contempt in the cop-heart. Make the bastard chase you. He will follow.

* Ah, devil ether. It makes you behave like the village drunkard in some early Irish novel. Total loss of all basic motor function. Blurred vision, no balance, numb tongue. The mind recoils in horror, unable to communicate with the spinal column. Which is interesting because you can actually watch yourself behaving in this terrible way, but you can't control it.

* With a bit of luck, his life was ruined forever. Always thinking just behind some narrow door in all of his favorite bars, men in red woolen shirts are getting incredible kicks from things he'll never know.

* ''[points skyward]'' Oh, you evil bastard! This your work. You better take care of me, Lord, 'cause if you don't you'll have ''me'' on your hands!

* 1965. The great San Francisco acid wave. I recall one night in a place called the Matrix. There I was. ''[does a double take, seeing the real Hunter S. Thompson sitting nearby (doppelganger)]'' Mother of God, there I am! Holy fuck! Uh...clearly I was a victim of the drug explosion - a natural street freak, just eating whatever came by.

== Dr. Gonzo ==
* It's ok, he's just admiring the shape of your skull!

* And when it comes to that fantastic note... when the rabbit bites his own head off, I want you to throw that fucking radio into the tub with me.
*Hey honkies. You folks wanna buy some heroin ? Goddamnit, I'm serious. All I'm trying to sell you is some pure fucking smack! This is the real stuff! You won't get hooked. I just got back from Vietnam.
*As your attorney, I advise you to take a hit out of the little brown bottle in my shaving kit.

== Dialogue ==
:'''Narrator''': We were somewhere around Barstow, on the edge of the desert, when the drugs began to take hold. I remember saying something like:
:'''Raoul Duke''': I feel a bit lightheaded. Maybe you should drive.
:'''Narrator''': Suddenly, there was a terrible roar all around us, and the sky was full with what looked like huge bats, all swooping and screeching and diving around the car, and a voice was screaming:
:'''Narrator''' and '''Raoul Duke''' (simultaneously): Holy Jesus! What are these goddamn animals?!
:'''Dr. Gonzo''': Did you say something?
:'''Raoul Duke''': Hm? Never mind. It's your turn to drive.
:'''Narrator''': No point in mentioning these bats, I thought. Poor bastard will see them soon enough.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[driving past a hitch-hiker in the middle of the desert]''
:'''Gonzo''': Let's give that boy a ride!
:'''Duke''': What? No! We can't stop here! This is bat country!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Duke and Gonzo have just picked up a hitch-hiker]''
:'''Duke''': There's one thing you should probably understand. CAN YOU HEAR ME? GOOD! I want you to have all the background. ''[gets in the backseat]'' This is a very ominous assignment - with overtones of extreme personal danger.  I'm a Doctor of Journalism, man! This is important, goddamnit!  This is a true story!...
:''[Gonzo panics and swerves the car]''
:'''Gonzo''': GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY FUCKIN' NECK!
:'''Narrator''': Our vibrations were getting nasty. But why? Was there no communication in this car? Had we deteriorated to the level of dumb beasts? 
:''[Duke puts an arm around the hitch-hiker]''
:'''Duke''': I want you to understand that this man at the wheel is my attorney. He's not just some dingbat I found on the strip, man. He's a foreigner. I think he's probably Samoan. But doesn't matter though, does it? Are you prejudiced?
:'''Hitchhiker''': Hell no.
:'''Duke''': I didn't think so. Because in spite of his race, this man is extremely valuable to me. Oh shit! I forgot about the beer! You want some?
:'''Hitchhiker''': No.
:'''Duke''': How 'bout some ether?
:'''Hitchhiker''': What?
:'''Duke''': Nevermind. Alright, let's get right to the heart of this thing.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Gonzo''': [''After cocaine blows away in the wind''] Did you see what GOD just did to us man!
:'''Duke''': God didn't do that, you did it! You're a fucking narcotics agent, I knew it! [''hits him with flyswatter''] That was our cocaine, you fucking pig, swine, whore!
:'''Gonzo''': [''Pointing (previously shown to be empty) gun at Duke''] Better be careful. Plenty of vultures out here, they'll pick your bones clean by morning.
:'''Duke''': You fucking whore.
:'''Gonzo''': (''glgging, holding up some acid'') He he heeee, here's your half of the sunshine acid. Eat it.
:'''Duke''': ''[swallows it]'' Yeah, all right. How long do I have?
:'''Gonzo''': As your attorney I advise you to drive at top speed. It'll be a goddamn miracle if we can get there before you turn into a wild animal. ''[licks up spilled cocaine; Duke hits hin with the flyswatter again]''
:'''Duke''': Pig-fucker, pig-fucker, pig-fucker, pig-fucker, pig-fucker, pig-fucker, pig-fucker!
:'''Gonzo''':  Are you ready for that? Checking into a Vegas hotel under a phony name with intent to commit capital fraud and a head full of acid? I sure hope so.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Narrator''': The name rang a bell, but I couldn't concentrate. Terrible things were happening all around us. [sees the floor get flooded with blood]
:'''Duke''': Put on some golf shoes! Otherwise we'll never make it out of this place alive. Impossible to walk in this muck. No footing at all!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Duke''': Hey, there's two women fucking a polar bear.
:'''Dr. Gonzo''': Don't tell me those things. Not now, man.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Duke''': Let's cut down to the brass tacks here... How much for the ape?
:'''Ape's Owner''': How much you got?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Gonzo''': We won't make the nut unless we have unlimited credit.
:'''Duke''': Jesus Christ, we will, man. You Samoans are all the same. You have no faith in the essential decency of the white man's culture. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Hippie''': What's the trouble?
:'''Duke''': Well, all this white stuff on my sleeve is LSD!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Gonzo''': AHH!  Medicine, medicine!
:'''Duke''': Huh? Oh, medicine! Watch out, this man has a bad heart, [[w:Angina pectoris|angina pectoris]], but don't worry we have a cure. (''cracks open an [[w:Amyl nitrite|amyl]]'') Ok, big wiff, big wiff, sunny boy! ''[Gonzo inhales the amyl]'' Much better... 
:'''Duke''': Ahh,  now for the doctor ''[he inhales the amyl]''... eeeeeeeee... Ahh!
:''[Pause]''
:'''Gonzo''' : What the-? What the fuck are we doin out here in the middle of the desert?  Somebody call the police, we need help, we need help, we need help ''[Slams the horn]'' Ah ha, ah ha, ah haha!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Car Salesman''': Listen.  You fellows haven't been drinking? Have you?
:'''Duke''': No. Not me.  We're responsible people. ''[Drives away with screeching tyres]''
:'''Car Salesman''': Goddamn it! You got my pen! Goddamn hippies!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:''[Duke and Gonzo are covering the DA'S convention on marijuana, with keynote speaker L. Ron Bumquist]''
:'''L. Ron Bumquist''': The easiest way to do this is for each of us to try to imagine what is going on inside the possessed mind of a drug addict. ''[holds up a joint]'' The dope fiend refers to the butt of a marijuana cigarette as a &quot;roach&quot;. He does so because it resembles a cockroach.
:'''Gonzo''': What the fuck these people are talking about? You gotta be crazy on acid to think a joint looks like a goddamn cockroach.
:'''Bumquist''': You will notice that I have distinguished four distinct types of being in the cannabis and marijuana society. They are &quot;cool&quot;, &quot;groovy&quot;, &quot;hip&quot; and &quot;square&quot;. Seldom, if ever, does one aspire to be &quot;square&quot;.
:'''Gonzo''': This is a fucking nightmare, man.
:'''Bumquist''': If he can figure out what is &quot;happening&quot;, he can rise one notch to become &quot;hip&quot;, and if he can convince himself to approve of what is &quot;happening&quot;, he can become &quot;groovy&quot;. ''[ominously]'' ''Groovy!'' And then he raise himself to the rank of &quot;cool&quot;. He can become one of those... &quot;cool guys&quot;.
:'''D.A.''': Dr. Bumquist, do you think the anthropologist [[Margaret Mead]]'s strange behavior of late can be explained by a private marijuana addiction? 
:'''Duke''': Good question!
:'''Bumquist''': I'm not really sure I can answer that. But what I can tell you is that if Margaret Mead, at her age, smoked grass...she'd have one hell of a trip! ''[laughs hysterically; the seated DA's follow suit]''

== Taglines ==
* Four Days, Three nights, Two Convertibles, One City.

* Buy the ticket, take the ride.

== Cast ==
* [[Johnny Depp]] - [[w:Raoul Duke|Raoul Duke]]
* [[w:Benicio del Toro|Benicio del Toro]] - [[Oscar Zeta Acosta|Dr. Gonzo]]
* [[Tobey Maguire]] - The Hitchhiker
* [[w:Ellen Barkin|Ellen Barkin]] - The Waitress at North Star Cafe
* [[w:Gary Busey|Gary Busey]] - The Highway Patrolman
* [[w:Christina Ricci|Christina Ricci]] - Lucy
* [[Mark Harmon]] - The Magazine Reporter at Mint 400
* [[Cameron Diaz]] - The Blonde TV Reporter
* [[w:|Katherine Helmond]] - The Desk Clerk at Mint Hotel
* [[w:Michael Jeter|Michael Jeter]] - Dr. Elron Bumquist
* [[w:Craig Bierko|Craig Bierko]] - Lacerda
* [[w:Lyle Lovett|Lyle Lovett]] - The Road Person
* [[Flea (musician)|Flea]] - Hippie

== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title| id=0120669| title=Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas}}
* {{mojo title|fearandloathinginlasvegas}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|fear_and_loathing_in_las_vegas}}
* {{metacritic film|fear-and-loathing-in-las-vegas}}
* [http://totallygonzo.wordpress.com Hunter S. Thompson Fansite]

[[Category:1998 films]]
[[Category:1990s American films]]
[[Category:Road comedy-drama films]]
[[Category:Films based on novels]]
[[Category:Films based on works by Hunter S. Thompson]]
[[Category:Films about journalists]]
[[Category:Films about drugs]]
[[Category:Films about cocaine]]
[[Category:Films set in Las Vegas]]
[[Category:Films directed by Terry Gilliam]]
[[Category:Cult films]]

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[[File:Noun project 1110.svg|thumb|We can't stop here! This is bat country!]]
[[File:Las Vegas (Nevada, USA), The Strip -- 2012 -- 6232.jpg|thumb|There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. Some kind of high powered mutant never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die.]]
[[File:Welcome to Las Vegas - The Strip South (9179212850).jpg|thumb|Psychedelics are almost irrelevant in a town where you can wander in a casino any time in the day or night and witness the crucifixion of a gorilla.]]
[[File:Gonzo.svg|thumb| We had two bags of grass, 75 pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high-powered blotter acid, a saltshaker half-full of cocaine, a whole galaxy of multi-colored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers... Also, a quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of beer, a pint of raw ether, and two dozen amyls. Not that we needed all that for the trip, but once you get locked into a serious drug collection, the tendency is to push it as far as you can. The only thing that really worried me was the ether. There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a man in the depths of an ether binge, and I knew we'd get into that rotten stuff pretty soon.]]
'''''[[w:Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (film)|Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas]]''''' is a [[w:1998 in film|1998 film]] about an oddball journalist and his psychopathic lawyer travel who to Las Vegas for a series of psychedelic escapades.
:''Directed by [[w:Terry Gilliam|Terry Gilliam]] Screenplay by [[w:Terry Gilliam|Terry Gilliam]], based on the [[w:Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas|semi-autobiographical book]] by [[Hunter S. Thompson]].''
{{center/s}}'''Four Days, Three nights, Two Convertibles, One City.'''[[#Taglines|taglines]]{{center/e}}

:'''''See also: [[Hunter S. Thompson#Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (1971)|Quotes from the novel]]'''''

== Raoul Duke ==
[[File:Interstate 15 - Utah - 9076359630.jpg|thumb|There was only one road back to L.A., U.S. interstate 15. Just a flat-out high speed burn through Baker, and Barstow, and [[w:San Bernardino, California|Berdoo]]. Then on to the Hollywood freeway straight into frantic oblivion. Safety... obscurity... just another freak in the freak kingdom.]]
* [''Responding to Waitress''] Madame, sir, baby, child, whatever...

* FINISH THE FUCKING STORY!

* A drug person can learn to cope with things like seeing their dead grandmother crawling up their leg with a knife in her teeth, but nobody should be asked to handle this trip. Bazooko's Circus is what the whole hep world would be doing Saturday night if the Nazis had won the war. This was the Sixth Reich.

* The ether was wearing off. The acid was long gone. But the mescaline was running strong. Good mescaline comes on slow. The first hour's all waiting. Then about halfway through its second hour, you start cursing the creep who burned you because nothing's happening. And then...zang!

*How long could we maintain? I wondered. How long until one of us starts raving and jabbering at this boy? What will he think then? This same lonely desert was the last known home of the Manson family; will he make that grim connection when my attorney starts screaming about bats and huge manta rays coming down on the car? If so, well, we'll just have to cut his head off and bury him somewhere, 'cause it goes without saying that we can't turn him loose. He'd report us at once to some kind of outback Nazi law enforcement agency and they'll run us down like dogs. Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?

* I was right in the middle of a fucking reptile zoo! And somebody was giving booze to these goddamn things! It won't be long now, before they tear us to shreds.

* [''Yelling to Dr. Gonzo''] PLEASE, TELL ME ABOUT THE FUCKING GOLF SHOES!

* Jesus! Bad waves of paranoia, madness, fear and loathing, intolerable vibrations in this place. Get out! The weasels were closing in. I could smell the ugly brutes.

* We had two bags of grass, 75 pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high-powered blotter acid, a saltshaker half-full of cocaine, a whole galaxy of multi-colored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers... Also, a quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of beer, a pint of raw ether, and two dozen amyls. Not that we needed all that for the trip, but once you get locked into a serious drug collection, the tendency is to push it as far as you can. The only thing that really worried me was the ether. There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a man in the depths of an ether binge, and I knew we'd get into that rotten stuff pretty soon.

* Don't go near that elevator - that's just what they want us to do... trap us in a steel box and take us down to the basement.

* My attorney had never caught on to the notion espoused by some former drug users that you can get a lot higher without drugs than with them. And neither have I, for that matter.

* Psychedelics are almost irrelevant in a town where you can wander in a casino any time in the day or night and witness the crucifixion of a gorilla.

* There was no sense in blowing everything away for the sake of some violent ape I'd never even met.

* There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. Some kind of high powered mutant never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die.
**This quote, while used in the movie, is not actually from the book. It was actually written by Thompson much later in &quot;The Banshee Screams for Buffalo Meat.&quot;

* Strange memories on this nervous night in Las Vegas. Five years later? Six? It seems like a lifetime, or at least a main era... The kind of peak that never comes again. San Francisco in the middle sixties was a very special time and place to be a part of. Maybe it meant something, maybe not, in the long run. But no explanation, no mix of words or music or memories can touch that sense of knowing that you were there and alive in that corner of time in the world. Whatever it meant. There was madness in any direction, at any hour. You could strike sparks anywhere. There was a fantastic universal sense that whatever we were doing was right, that we were winning. And that, I think, was the handle - that sense of inevitable victory over the forces of Old and Evil. Not in any mean or military sense; we didn’t need that. Our energy would simply prevail. There was no point in fighting - on our side or theirs. We had all the momentum; we were riding the crest of a high and beautiful wave. So now, less than five years later, you can go up on a steep hill in Las Vegas and look West, and with the right kind of eyes you can almost see the high-water mark - that place where the wave finally broke and rolled back.

* '''There was only one road back to L.A., U.S. interstate 15. Just a flat-out high speed burn through Baker, and Barstow, and [[w:San Bernardino, California|Berdoo]]. Then on to the Hollywood freeway straight into frantic oblivion. Safety... obscurity... just another freak in the freak kingdom.''' We'd gone in search of the American dream, it had been a lame fuck around. A waste of time. There was no point in looking back. Fuck no, not today, thank you kindly. My heart was filled with joy. I felt like a monster reincarnation of Horatio Alger, a man on the move, and just sick enough to be totally confident.  ''The bolded lines are from the film version.''

* Everything was automatic. I could sit in the red-leather driver's seat and make every inch of the car jump, by touching the proper buttons.  It was a wonderful machine: Ten grand worth of gimmicks and big-priced Special Effects. The rear-windows leaped up with a touch, like frogs in a dynamite pond. The white canvas top ran up and down like a roller-coaster. The dashboard was full of esoteric lights &amp; dials &amp; meters that I would never understand — but there was no doubt in my mind I was in a superior machine.

* [''yelling at a crowd in a parking lot''] You people voted for [[Hubert Humphrey]]! And [[wikipedia: Jewish_deicide|you killed Jesus]]!

* Few people understand the psychology of dealing with a highway traffic cop. Your normal speeder will panic and immediately pull over to the side. This is wrong. It arouses contempt in the cop-heart. Make the bastard chase you. He will follow.

* Ah, devil ether. It makes you behave like the village drunkard in some early Irish novel. Total loss of all basic motor function. Blurred vision, no balance, numb tongue. The mind recoils in horror, unable to communicate with the spinal column. Which is interesting because you can actually watch yourself behaving in this terrible way, but you can't control it.

* With a bit of luck, his life was ruined forever. Always thinking just behind some narrow door in all of his favorite bars, men in red woolen shirts are getting incredible kicks from things he'll never know.

* ''[points skyward]'' Oh, you evil bastard! This your work. You better take care of me, Lord, 'cause if you don't you'll have ''me'' on your hands!

* 1965. The great San Francisco acid wave. I recall one night in a place called the Matrix. There I was. ''[does a double take, seeing the real Hunter S. Thompson sitting nearby (doppelganger)]'' Mother of God, there I am! Holy fuck! Uh...clearly I was a victim of the drug explosion - a natural street freak, just eating whatever came by.

== Dr. Gonzo ==
* It's ok, he's just admiring the shape of your skull!

* And when it comes to that fantastic note... when the rabbit bites his own head off, I want you to throw that fucking radio into the tub with me.
*Hey honkies. You folks wanna buy some heroin ? Goddamnit, I'm serious. All I'm trying to sell you is some pure fucking smack! This is the real stuff! You won't get hooked. I just got back from Vietnam.
*As your attorney, I advise you to take a hit out of the little brown bottle in my shaving kit.

== Dialogue ==
:'''Narrator''': We were somewhere around Barstow, on the edge of the desert, when the drugs began to take hold. I remember saying something like:
:'''Raoul Duke''': I feel a bit lightheaded. Maybe you should drive.
:'''Narrator''': Suddenly, there was a terrible roar all around us, and the sky was full with what looked like huge bats, all swooping and screeching and diving around the car, and a voice was screaming:
:'''Narrator''' and '''Raoul Duke''' (simultaneously): Holy Jesus! What are these goddamn animals?!
:'''Dr. Gonzo''': Did you say something?
:'''Raoul Duke''': Hm? Never mind. It's your turn to drive.
:'''Narrator''': No point in mentioning these bats, I thought. Poor bastard will see them soon enough.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[driving past a hitch-hiker in the middle of the desert]''
:'''Gonzo''': Let's give that boy a ride!
:'''Duke''': What? No! We can't stop here! This is bat country!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Duke and Gonzo have just picked up a hitch-hiker]''
:'''Duke''': There's one thing you should probably understand. CAN YOU HEAR ME? GOOD! I want you to have all the background. ''[gets in the backseat]'' This is a very ominous assignment - with overtones of extreme personal danger.  I'm a Doctor of Journalism, man! This is important, goddamnit!  This is a true story!...
:''[Gonzo panics and swerves the car]''
:'''Gonzo''': GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY FUCKIN' NECK!
:'''Narrator''': Our vibrations were getting nasty. But why? Was there no communication in this car? Had we deteriorated to the level of dumb beasts? 
:''[Duke puts an arm around the hitch-hiker]''
:'''Duke''': I want you to understand that this man at the wheel is my attorney. He's not just some dingbat I found on the strip, man. He's a foreigner. I think he's probably Samoan. But doesn't matter though, does it? Are you prejudiced?
:'''Hitchhiker''': Hell no.
:'''Duke''': I didn't think so. Because in spite of his race, this man is extremely valuable to me. Oh shit! I forgot about the beer! You want some?
:'''Hitchhiker''': No.
:'''Duke''': How 'bout some ether?
:'''Hitchhiker''': What?
:'''Duke''': Nevermind. Alright, let's get right to the heart of this thing.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Gonzo''': [''After cocaine blows away in the wind''] Did you see what GOD just did to us, man?
:'''Duke''': God didn't do that, you did it! You're a fucking narcotics agent, I knew it! [''hits him with flyswatter''] That was our cocaine, you fucking pig, swine, whore!
:'''Gonzo''': [''Pointing (previously shown to be empty) gun at Duke''] Better be careful. Plenty of vultures out here, they'll pick your bones clean by morning.
:'''Duke''': You fucking whore.
:'''Gonzo''': (''glgging, holding up some acid'') He he heeee, here's your half of the sunshine acid. Eat it.
:'''Duke''': ''[swallows it]'' Yeah, all right. How long do I have?
:'''Gonzo''': As your attorney I advise you to drive at top speed. It'll be a goddamn miracle if we can get there before you turn into a wild animal. ''[licks up spilled cocaine; Duke hits hin with the flyswatter again]''
:'''Duke''': Pig-fucker, pig-fucker, pig-fucker, pig-fucker, pig-fucker, pig-fucker, pig-fucker!
:'''Gonzo''':  Are you ready for that? Checking into a Vegas hotel under a phony name with intent to commit capital fraud and a head full of acid? I sure hope so.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Narrator''': The name rang a bell, but I couldn't concentrate. Terrible things were happening all around us. [sees the floor get flooded with blood]
:'''Duke''': Put on some golf shoes! Otherwise we'll never make it out of this place alive. Impossible to walk in this muck. No footing at all!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Duke''': Hey, there's two women fucking a polar bear.
:'''Dr. Gonzo''': Don't tell me those things. Not now, man.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Duke''': Let's cut down to the brass tacks here... How much for the ape?
:'''Ape's Owner''': How much you got?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Gonzo''': We won't make the nut unless we have unlimited credit.
:'''Duke''': Jesus Christ, we will, man. You Samoans are all the same. You have no faith in the essential decency of the white man's culture. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Hippie''': What's the trouble?
:'''Duke''': Well, all this white stuff on my sleeve is LSD!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Gonzo''': AHH!  Medicine, medicine!
:'''Duke''': Huh? Oh, medicine! Watch out, this man has a bad heart, [[w:Angina pectoris|angina pectoris]], but don't worry we have a cure. (''cracks open an [[w:Amyl nitrite|amyl]]'') Ok, big wiff, big wiff, sunny boy! ''[Gonzo inhales the amyl]'' Much better... 
:'''Duke''': Ahh,  now for the doctor ''[he inhales the amyl]''... eeeeeeeee... Ahh!
:''[Pause]''
:'''Gonzo''' : What the-? What the fuck are we doin out here in the middle of the desert?  Somebody call the police, we need help, we need help, we need help ''[Slams the horn]'' Ah ha, ah ha, ah haha!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Car Salesman''': Listen.  You fellows haven't been drinking? Have you?
:'''Duke''': No. Not me.  We're responsible people. ''[Drives away with screeching tyres]''
:'''Car Salesman''': Goddamn it! You got my pen! Goddamn hippies!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:''[Duke and Gonzo are covering the DA'S convention on marijuana, with keynote speaker L. Ron Bumquist]''
:'''L. Ron Bumquist''': The easiest way to do this is for each of us to try to imagine what is going on inside the possessed mind of a drug addict. ''[holds up a joint]'' The dope fiend refers to the butt of a marijuana cigarette as a &quot;roach&quot;. He does so because it resembles a cockroach.
:'''Gonzo''': What the fuck these people are talking about? You gotta be crazy on acid to think a joint looks like a goddamn cockroach.
:'''Bumquist''': You will notice that I have distinguished four distinct types of being in the cannabis and marijuana society. They are &quot;cool&quot;, &quot;groovy&quot;, &quot;hip&quot; and &quot;square&quot;. Seldom, if ever, does one aspire to be &quot;square&quot;.
:'''Gonzo''': This is a fucking nightmare, man.
:'''Bumquist''': If he can figure out what is &quot;happening&quot;, he can rise one notch to become &quot;hip&quot;, and if he can convince himself to approve of what is &quot;happening&quot;, he can become &quot;groovy&quot;. ''[ominously]'' ''Groovy!'' And then he raise himself to the rank of &quot;cool&quot;. He can become one of those... &quot;cool guys&quot;.
:'''D.A.''': Dr. Bumquist, do you think the anthropologist [[Margaret Mead]]'s strange behavior of late can be explained by a private marijuana addiction? 
:'''Duke''': Good question!
:'''Bumquist''': I'm not really sure I can answer that. But what I can tell you is that if Margaret Mead, at her age, smoked grass...she'd have one hell of a trip! ''[laughs hysterically; the seated DA's follow suit]''

== Taglines ==
* Four Days, Three nights, Two Convertibles, One City.

* Buy the ticket, take the ride.

== Cast ==
* [[Johnny Depp]] - [[w:Raoul Duke|Raoul Duke]]
* [[w:Benicio del Toro|Benicio del Toro]] - [[Oscar Zeta Acosta|Dr. Gonzo]]
* [[Tobey Maguire]] - The Hitchhiker
* [[w:Ellen Barkin|Ellen Barkin]] - The Waitress at North Star Cafe
* [[w:Gary Busey|Gary Busey]] - The Highway Patrolman
* [[w:Christina Ricci|Christina Ricci]] - Lucy
* [[Mark Harmon]] - The Magazine Reporter at Mint 400
* [[Cameron Diaz]] - The Blonde TV Reporter
* [[w:|Katherine Helmond]] - The Desk Clerk at Mint Hotel
* [[w:Michael Jeter|Michael Jeter]] - Dr. Elron Bumquist
* [[w:Craig Bierko|Craig Bierko]] - Lacerda
* [[w:Lyle Lovett|Lyle Lovett]] - The Road Person
* [[Flea (musician)|Flea]] - Hippie

== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title| id=0120669| title=Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas}}
* {{mojo title|fearandloathinginlasvegas}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|fear_and_loathing_in_las_vegas}}
* {{metacritic film|fear-and-loathing-in-las-vegas}}
* [http://totallygonzo.wordpress.com Hunter S. Thompson Fansite]

[[Category:1998 films]]
[[Category:1990s American films]]
[[Category:Road comedy-drama films]]
[[Category:Films based on novels]]
[[Category:Films based on works by Hunter S. Thompson]]
[[Category:Films about journalists]]
[[Category:Films about drugs]]
[[Category:Films about cocaine]]
[[Category:Films set in Las Vegas]]
[[Category:Films directed by Terry Gilliam]]
[[Category:Cult films]]

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== New report 2026-05-9, 04:16 ==

* {{Vandal|Hammond Johns}}

Userpage issues, removed CSD tag. [[w:WP:AB]] [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 04:17, 9 May 2026 (UTC)

:Sorry, I wasn't trying to vandalise anything. I was just trying to fix the issues you raised. I'm new at this. I'll just leave it now &amp; will accept any decision you make. [[User:Hammond Johns|Hammond Johns]] ([[User talk:Hammond Johns|talk]]) 05:19, 9 May 2026 (UTC)
:{{notdone}} User has been warned. [[User:PieWriter|PieWriter]] ([[User talk:PieWriter|talk]]) 12:57, 14 May 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-05-11, 10:39 ==

* {{Vandal|Taskraja}}
* {{Vandal|Marinas94}}
* {{Vandal|Travelaa}}

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      <text bytes="60924" sha1="nxusygv47zl69wdws5hjnh507or0y6i" xml:space="preserve">[[File:King_Arthur_and_the_Knights_of_the_Round_Table.jpg|thumb|[[Solomon|I]] lead in the way of [[righteousness]], in the midst of the paths of [[judgment]]: That I may cause those that [[love]] me to inherit substance; and I will fill their [[treasures]]. ~ ''[[Book of Proverbs]]'' 8:20 (KJV)]]
'''{{w|Leadership}}''' is both a research area and a practical skill encompassing the ability of an individual or [[organization]] to &quot;lead&quot; or guide other individuals, teams, or entire [[organizations]].
__NOTOC__
{{TOCalpha}}
:&lt;small&gt;Alphabetized by author &lt;/small&gt;

[[File:BakerJL.jpg|thumb|The born leader is a fiction invented by 'born followers'. Leadership is not a gift at birth; it is an award for growing to full moral stature. It is the only prize that a man must win everyday. The prize is the respect of others, earned by the disciplines that generate self-respect. ~ [[Wheeler L. Baker]] ]]
[[File:Double-alaskan-rainbow.jpg|thumb|right|Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things. ~ [[Peter Drucker]]]]
[[File:1904socialist.jpg|thumb|I never had much faith in leaders. I am willing to be charged with almost anything, rather than to be charged with being a leader. I am suspicious of leaders, and especially of the [[intellectual]] variety. Give me the rank and file every day in the week. ~ [[Eugene V. Debs]]]]
[[File:William Blake Moses and the brazen serpent.jpg|thumb|I am firmly convinced that the [[passionate]] [[will]] for [[justice]] and [[truth]] has done more to improve man's condition than calculating [[political]] shrewdness which in the long run only breeds general [[distrust]]. Who can [[doubt]] that [[Moses]] was a better leader of [[humanity]] than [[Machiavelli]]? ~ [[Albert Einstein]]]]
[[File:Marine Corps officer candidates receive their Eagle, Globe and Anchor 3.jpg|thumb|Authenticity stands as a beacon of strength and integrity. It is the glue that binds teams together, the fuel that drives innovation, and the foundation upon which trust is built. But authenticity is not a destination; it is a journey- a continuous process of self-discovery and growth. For in the end, it is not just about being a better leader; it is about being a better human being. ~ Luke Gilliland]]
[[File:80-G-K-13943 (26222688441).jpg|thumb|Machines are as nothing without men. Men are as nothing without morale. ~ [[Ernest King]]]]
[[File:MartinLutherKingMalcolmX.jpg|thumb|Ultimately a genuine [[leader]] is not a searcher for consensus, but a molder of consensus. ~ [[Martin Luther King, Jr.]]]]
[[File:Curtis LeMay (USAF).jpg|thumb|Any [[w:Ivy_League|Ivy League]] academy asshole can issue orders and take the credit. What matters is when you place your own ass on the line, and your men know that you are not some armchair commander asking them to risk death while you enjoy the good life. Morale is everything, and you do not build it by typing goddamned reports and having cocktail parties. ~ [[Curtis LeMay]]]]
[[File:Brocken-tanzawa.JPG|thumb|right|No [[man]] is [[great]] enough or [[wise]] enough for any of us to surrender our [[destiny]] to. The only way in which anyone can lead us is to restore to us the [[belief]] in our own guidance. ~ [[Henry Miller]]]]
[[File:Jacques Louis David - Bonaparte franchissant le Grand Saint-Bernard, 20 mai 1800 - Google Art Project.jpg|thumb|One can lead a nation only by helping it see a bright outlook. A leader is a dealer in hope. ~ [[Napoleon|Napoleon I]]]]
[[File:Meta-Leadership Dimensions.jpg|thumb|right|Lead, follow or get out of the way! ~ [[George S. Patton]]]]
[[File:Churchill V sign HU 55521.jpg|thumb|Excessive [[Honesty|honesty]] can be disastrous, particularly in a commander. Knowing your limitations is one thing. Advertising them to a crew can damage your credibility as a leader. ~ [[Jean-Luc Picard]]]]
[[File:Army-USA-OR-08b (Army greens).svg|thumb| The best leaders are men of action with plenty of common sense and ingenuity. Being able to recite creeds or quote leadership manuals proves nothing. The mark of a real leader is the doing, not the talking. ~ Robert J. Shano]]
[[File:Marina Sirtis Photo Op GalaxyCon Raleigh 2023.jpg|thumb|right|Leadership grows from self-confidence. ~ [[w:Hannah Louise Shearer|Hannah Louise Shearer]]]]
[[File:Brocken Spectre at Peak Korzhenevskaya.jpg|thumb|right|I will not go where the path may lead, but I will go instead where there is no path, and I will leave a trail. ~ Muriel Strode]]
[[File:Jean-Luc Picard 2.jpg|thumb|right|Knowing your limitations is one thing. Advertising them to a crew can damage your credibility as a leader. ~ Melinda M. Snodgrass]]


== A ==
* As we look over the list of the early leaders of the republic, [[George Washington|Washington]], [[John Adams]], [[Alexander Hamilton|Hamilton]], and others, we discern that they were all men who insisted upon being themselves and who refused to truckle to the people. With each succeeding generation, the growing demand of the people that its elective officials shall not lead but merely register the popular will has steadily undermined the independence of those who derive their power from popular election. The persistent refusal of the Adamses to sacrifice the integrity of their own intellectual and moral standards and values for the sake of winning public office or popular favor is another of the measuring rods by which we may measure the divergence of American life from its starting point.
** [[James Truslow Adams]], ''The Adams Family'' (1930), p. 95

* He who has never learned to obey cannot be a good commander.
** [[Aristotle]], in ''Politics'' as translated by Benjamin Jowett

*If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.
** [[John Quincy Adams]], attributed, ''The Paradox of Power''

== B ==
* '''The born leader is a fiction invented by 'born followers'. Leadership is not a gift at birth; it is an award for growing to full moral stature. It is the only prize that a man must win everyday. The prize is the respect of others, earned by the disciplines that generate self-respect.'''
** Colonel [[Wheeler L. Baker]], USMC, Ret., as quoted in ''The Cadence'' (2009), yearbook of Hargrave Military Academy, p. F

* A political leader must keep looking over his shoulder all the time to see if the boys are still there. If they aren’t still there, he’s no longer a political leader.
** [[Bernard Baruch]], as quoted in his obituary, ''{{w|New York Times}}'' (21 June 1965)

* And I have learned that leadership is, more often than not, the art of choosing the least worst among evils.
** [[Stephen Baxter]], ''[[w:Time (Baxter novel)|Time]]'' (1999), &lt;small&gt; {{ISBN|978-0-345-43076-2}}, &lt;/small&gt; p. 329

* A new leader has to be able to change an organization that is dreamless, soulless and visionless … someone's got to make a wake up call.
** [[Warren Bennis]], in ''Reinventing Leadership : Strategies to Empower the Organization'' (2005), by Warren G. Bennis and Robert Townsend, p. 91

* Leadership is understanding people and involving them to help you do a job. That takes all of the good characteristics, like integrity, dedication of purpose, selflessness, knowledge, skill, implacability, as well as determination not to accept failure.
** Admiral {{w|Arleigh Burke}}, quoted in ''Naval Leadership : Voices of Experience'' (1998) by Karel Montor, p. 18

* The object of leadership may be stated as having a system whereby a leader recognizes what is good for the good of the [[government]], for the good of the nation, for the good of humanity, and recognizes the qualities he has and what he can do within his own limitations. He cannot do, and should not attempt to do, the impossible, but he should not fail to attempt something that might be extremely difficult and may be possible.
** Admiral {{w|Arleigh Burke}}, quoted in ''Naval Leadership : Voices of Experience'' (1998) by Karel Montor, p. 18

* When we think we lead, we are most led.
** [[Lord Byron]], [[w:The Two Foscari (Byron)|The Two Foscari]] (1821)

== C ==
[[File:APEC Leaders Retreat.jpg|thumb|right|No man will make a great leader who wants to do it all himself, or to get all the credit for doing it. ~ [[Andrew Carnegie]]]]
* No man will make a great leader who wants to do it all himself, or to get all the credit for doing it.
** [[Andrew Carnegie]], as quoted in ''Managing Software Development Projects : Formula for Success'' (1995) by Neal Whitten, p. 63

* &quot;Safety first&quot; has been the motto of the human race for half a million years; but it has never been the motto of leaders. A leader must face danger. He must take the risk and the blame, and the brunt of the storm.
** [[Herbert N. Casson]] in: ''The Office Economist'' (1935) Vol. 17-21. p. 145

* A leader must have the [[courage]] to act against an [[expert]]'s advice.
** [[James Callaghan]], ''The Harvard Business Review'' (1 November 1986)

* A leader has to ''appear'' consistent. That doesn't mean he has to be consistent.
** [[James Callaghan]], ''The Harvard Business Review'' (1 November 1986)

* Persistence in a single view has never been regarded as a merit in political leaders.
** [[Marcus Tullius Cicero]] in ''Epistulae ad Familiares,'' I, 9, 21

* You must surely know by now, Winters, that a leader’s authority is limited to giving her followers orders that they will actually ''obey.''
** [[Genevieve Cogman]], ''The Untold Story'' (2021), &lt;small&gt; {{ISBN|978-1-9848-0480-8}} &lt;/small&gt;, Chapter 22 (p. 318)

*When...perfect order.. prevails, the world is like a Commonwealth State shared by all, not a dictatorship. Virtuous, worthy, wise and capable people are chosen as leaders... Honesty and trust are promoted, and good neighborliness cultivated... All people respect and love their own parents and children, as well as the parents and children of others... The aged are cared for until death; adults are employed in jobs that make full use of their abilities; and children are nourished, educated, and fostered;...orphans... the disabled and the diseased are all well taken care of.... They hate not to make use of their abilities... they do not necessarily work for their own self-interest... Thus intrigues and conspiracies do not arise, and thievery and robbery do not occur; therefore doors need never be locked.. This is the ideal world – a perfect world of equality, fraternity, harmony, welfare, and justice.  
**[[Confucius]] in ''A Great Utopia,  Li-Yun-Da-Tong (Li-Yun-Dah-Tong'') Section, the Record of Rites, Book IX,   (BC 551 - 479)   [https://www.tienshintemple.com/a-great-utopia.html (full text)]

== D ==

* '''I never had much faith in leaders. I am willing to be charged with almost anything, rather than to be charged with being a leader. I am suspicious of leaders, and especially of the [[intellectual]] variety. Give me the rank and file every day in the week.'''
** [[Eugene V. Debs]], &quot;[http://www.marxists.org/archive/debs/works/1918/canton.htm The Canton, Ohio Speech, Anti-War Speech]&quot; in ''The Call'' (16 June 1918)

* The first [[responsibility]] of a leader is to define [[reality]]. The last is to say thank you. In between the two, the leader must become a [[Servitude|servant]] and a [[debtor]]. That sums up the progress of an artful leader.
** {{w|Max De Pree}}, in ''Leadership Is an Art'' (1989), p. 9

* It is not a question of how well each process works, the question is how well they all work together.
** {{w|Lloyd Dobyns}} and Clare Crawford-Mason, in ''Thinking About Quality : Progress, Wisdom, and the Deming Philosophy'' (1994)

* [[Management]] is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things.
** [[Peter Drucker]], and [[Warren Bennis]], as quoted in ''Seven Habits of Highly Effective People'' (1989) by Stephen R. Covey, p. 101

* Successful leaders don’t start out asking, &quot;What do I want to do?&quot; They ask, &quot;What needs to be done?&quot; Then they ask, &quot;Of those things that would make a difference, which are right for me?&quot; They don’t tackle things they aren’t good at. They make sure other necessities get done, but not by them. Successful leaders make sure that they succeed! They are not afraid of strength in others. [[Andrew Carnegie]] wanted to put on his gravestone, &quot;Here lies a man who knew how to put into his service more able men than he was himself.&quot;
** [[Peter Drucker]], as quoted in &quot;‘What Needs to Be Done’, Peter Drucker On Leadership&quot;, an interview with Rich Karlgaard in Forbes magazine (19 November 2004)

* ''Don't follow leaders, watch your parkin' meters.''
** [[Bob Dylan]], ''{{w|Subterranean Homesick Blues}}'', 1965.

== E ==

* I am firmly convinced that the [[passionate]] [[will]] for [[justice]] and [[truth]] has done more to improve man's condition than calculating [[political]] shrewdness which in the long run only breeds general distrust. Who can [[doubt]] that Moses was a better leader of [[humanity]] than [[Machiavelli]]?
** [[Albert Einstein]], in [http://books.google.com/books?id=Q1UxYzuI2oQC&amp;pg=PA262&amp;dq=Albert+Einstein+Zionism&amp;lr=&amp;as_drrb_is=q&amp;as_minm_is=0&amp;as_miny_is=&amp;as_maxm_is=0&amp;as_maxy_is=&amp;num=30&amp;as_brr=3&amp;ei=LtvyS6r-IpTukgSI94n9Cg&amp;cd=4#v=snippet&amp;q=Moral%20Decay%20&amp;f=false &quot;Moral Decay&quot;] (1937) in ''Out of My Later Years'' (1950)

* Now I think, speaking roughly, by leadership we mean the art of getting someone else to do something that you want done because he wants to do it.
** [[Dwight D. Eisenhower]], as quoted in ''The Federal Career Service : A Look Ahead'' (1954)

* [[Character]] in many ways is everything in leadership. It is made up of many things, but I would say character is really integrity. When you delegate something to a subordinate, for example, it is absolutely your responsibility, and he must understand this. You as a leader must take complete responsibility for what the subordinate does. I once said, as a sort of wisecrack, that leadership consists of nothing but taking responsibility for everything that goes wrong and giving your subordinates credit for everything that goes well.
** [[Dwight D. Eisenhower]], as quoted in ''Nineteen Stars : a Study in Military Character and Leadership'' (1971) by Edgar F. Puryear Jr.

* '''The essence of leadership is to get others to do something because they think you want it done and because they know it is worth while doing''' -- that is what we are talking about.
** [[Dwight D. Eisenhower]], Remarks at the Republican Campaign Picnic at the President's Gettysburg Farm (September 12, 1956). Source: Eisenhower Presidential Library. [https://web.archive.org/web/20210125121539/https://www.eisenhowerlibrary.gov/eisenhowers/quotes Archived] from the [https://www.eisenhowerlibrary.gov/eisenhowers/quotes original] on January 25, 2021.

* Throughout the [[Old Testament]] we see God choosing what is weak and humble to represent him (the stammering Moses, the infant Samuel, Saul from an insignificant family, David confronting Goliath, etc.). Paul tells us that God chooses the weak things of the world to confound the mighty. Here, however, we have a striking contradiction. In [[Constantine]] God is supposedly choosing an Augustus, a triumphant military leader. This vision and this miracle are totally impossible. But they are not impossible in the context of Christianity that is already [[Constantinian shift|off the rails]], that thinks of God as the one who directs history and is the motive power in politics.
** [[Jacques Ellul]], ''The Subversion of Christianity'' (1982), G. Bromiley, trans. (1986), p. 123

* Vivacity, leadership, must be had, and we are not allowed to be nice in choosing. We must fetch the pump with dirty water, if clean cannot be had.
** [[Ralph Waldo Emerson]] &quot;Power&quot; in ''The Conduct of Life'' (1860)

* Many times leaders have one agenda, followers have another.
** [[Lorenzo Kom'boa Ervin]], ''[https://theanarchistlibrary.org/library/lorenzo-kom-boa-ervin-anarchism-and-the-black-revolution Anarchism and the Black Revolution]'' (1993)

== F ==
* The quality of leadership, more than any other single factor, determines the success or failure of an [[organization]].
** {{w|Fred Fiedler}} {{w|Martin Chemers}} in ''Improving Leadership Effectiveness'' (1976)

* If you command wisely, you'll be obeyed cheerfully.
** [[Thomas Fuller]] in ''Gnomologia'' (1732), 2746

* When a leader correctly identifies real hurt and insecurity in our country, and instead of addressing it, goes to look for someone to blame, there is perhaps nothing more devastating to a pluralistic society. Leadership knows that most often a good place to start in assigning blame is to look somewhat closer to home. Leadership knows where the buck stops.
** [[Jeff Flake]], Republican senator from Arizona, in a speech on October 24, 2017, announcing he would not be running for re-election in 2018.

* [[Humility]] helps, character counts. Leadership does not knowingly encourage or feed ugly or debased appetites in us. Leadership lives by the American creed, “[[E pluribus unum]].” From many one. American leadership looks to the world and just as Lincoln did, sees the family of man.
** [[Jeff Flake]], Republican senator from Arizona, in a speech on October 24, 2017, announcing he would not be running for re-election in 2018.

== G ==

* All of the great leaders have had one characteristic in common: it was the willingness to confront unequivocally the major [[anxiety]] of their people in their time. This, and not much else, is the essence of leadership.
** [[John Kenneth Galbraith]], ''The Age of Uncertainty'' (1977), Ch. 12

* The old man was as American as it got, but in what she thought of as some very recently archaic way. Someone who would’ve been in charge of something, in America, when grown-ups still ran things. 
** [[William Gibson]], [[Spook Country]], 2007.

* Take responsibility for the outcomes of your choices, whether they are successes or failures. Leading with integrity means standing behind your decisions and holding yourself accountable. It also means holding others accountable for their actions and ensuring they align with your organization's values.
** Sergeant Major Luke A. Gilliland, U.S.M.C., ''Guiding Greatness: 125 Tips for Transformational Leaders'' (2024), paperback, self-published by author, p. 131

* Learn from screw-ups: Mistakes are inevitable, but they can also be valuable learning experiences. Instead of dwelling on failure, focus on extracting lessons from it. Reflect on what went wrong, why it happened, and how you can prevent similar mistakes in the future. Admitting when you are wrong and learning from your errors is a sign of strength, not weakness.&lt;br&gt;Look, there is no room for guesswork or wishful thinking as a senior leader. Rational decision-making is the cornerstone of effective leadership; the bedrock upon which successful organizations are built. By embracing these principles, leaders can sharpen their focus, cut through the clutter, and lead with confidence and conviction. In a world where ambiguity is the norm, rational leadership stands as a beacon of clarity and purpose, guiding organizations down a smooth path of success.
** Sergeant Major Luke A. Gilliland, U.S.M.C., ''Guiding Greatness'' (2024), paperback, self-published by author, p. 131

* Own your truth: Your authenticity sets the tone for your team culture. Take ownership of your beliefs, values, and actions, and lead by example. When you stay true to yourself, you inspire your team to do the same, creating a tightknit environment where everyone feels empowered to be themselves.
** Sergeant Major Luke A. Gilliland, U.S.M.C., ''Guiding Greatness'' (2024), paperback, self-published by author, p. 248

* Your team deserves authentic leadership. If you are not willing to be genuine and transparent, then maybe you are not the right leader for them. Authentic leaders inspire trust, loyalty, and engagement, creating a positive and supportive environment where everyone can thrive.&lt;br&gt;'''Authenticity stands as a beacon of strength and integrity. It is the glue that binds teams together, the fuel that drives innovation, and the foundation upon which trust is built. But authenticity is not a destination; it is a journey- a continuous process of self-discovery and growth. For in the end, it is not just about being a better leader; it is about being a better human being.'''
** Sergeant Major Luke A. Gilliland, U.S.M.C., ''Guiding Greatness'' (2024), paperback, self-published by author, p. 249

* Lastly, true leadership is service to others; guiding teams toward success, mentoring the next generation, and making decisions that benefit not just the immediate but the future.
** Sergeant Major Luke A. Gilliland, U.S.M.C., ''Guiding Greatness'' (2024), paperback, self-published by author, p. 260

* Successful people become great leaders when they learn to shift the focus from themselves to others.
** [[Marshall Goldsmith]] (2010), ''What Got You Here Won't Get You There.'' p. 72 

* There are many leaders, not just one. Leadership is distributed. It resides not solely in the individual at the top, but in every person at every level who, in one way or another, acts as a leader to a group of followers - wherever in the organization that person is, whether shop steward, team head, or [[Chief executive officer|CEO]].
** [[Daniel Goleman]], [[Richard Boyatzis]] and Annie McKee (2002) ''Primal Leadership: Realizing the Power of Emotional Intelligence''. p. xiii-xiv

* Leadership is a quality of those who earn the respect of others through the wisdom of the combination of their words and their actions.
** {{w|Walter Grant IV}}, past President — University of Redlands Whitehead Leadership Society. As quoted in ''Leadership Greatness: Best Practices To Become A Great Leader'' By {{w|Tri Junarso}}

== H ==

* What was leadership, after all, but the blind choice of one route over another and the confident pretence that the decision was based on reason.
**[[w:Robert Harris (novelist)|Robert Harris]], in ''[[w:Pompeii (novel)|Pompeii]]'' (2003)

* The leader has to be practical and a [[Reality|realist]], yet must talk the language of the visionary and the [[Idealism|idealist]]. &lt;br&gt; The leader personifies the certitude of the creed and the defiance and grandeur of power. He articulates and justifies the resentment damned up in the souls of the frustrated. He kindles the vision of a breath-taking future so as to justify the sacrifice of a transitory present. He stages a world of make-believe so indispensable for the realization of self-sacrifice and united action.
** [[Eric Hoffer]], in ''[[w:The True Believer|The True Believer: Thoughts On The Nature Of Mass Movements]]'' (1951), p. 111&lt;!-- also quoted in ''A Different Light : The Big Book of Hanukkah'' (2000) by Noam Zion and Barbara Spectre, p. 239
 --&gt;
 
* [[Winston Churchill]] famously claimed that of all human qualities, [[courage]] was the most esteemed, because it guaranteed all others. He was right. Courage—moral courage—is the companion of great [[leadership]]...And historically there would have been no social progress if not for the presence of specific humans [[dissent]]ing and breaking from [[W:herd|herd]]-inspired [[suspicion]] and [[fear]]. &lt;BR&gt;Look at today’s [[politicians]]... keen to be viewed as the virile [[leader]]s of their respective countries; eager to inflate their image by harming [[w:migrants|migrants]] and [[refugees]], the most [[vulnerable]] in society. If there is courage in that, I fail to see it.  [[Authoritarianism|Authoritarian leaders]], or elected leaders inclined toward it, are bullies, deceivers, selfish cowards. If they are growing in number it is because (with exceptions) many other politicians are mediocre... focused on their own image... too afraid to stand up... If we do not change course quickly, we will inevitably encounter an incident where that first domino is tipped—triggering a sequence of unstoppable events that will mark [[w:Nuclear holocaust|the end of our time]] on this tiny planet...  My hope lies in... the leaders of [[communities]] and [[social movements]], big and small, who are willing to forfeit everything—including their lives—in defence of [[human rights]]. Their valour is unalloyed; it is selfless. There is no discretion or weakness here. They represent the best of us... There are [[Grassroots movement|grassroots]] leaders of movements against [[discrimination]] and [[Inequality|inequalities]] in every region… the real store of moral courage and leadership among us..
** [[w:Zeid Ra’ad Al Hussein|Zeid Ra’ad Al Hussein]] in [https://www.economist.com/open-future/2018/08/30/grassroots-leaders-provide-the-best-hope-to-a-troubled-world  '''''Grassroots leaders provide the best hope to a troubled world''', The Economist'',] (30 August 2018)

== I ==
* [[Kim Dae-jung|Kim Dae Jung]] showed[,] that '''true leadership lies in [[compassion]], not [in] coercion.'''
** [[Massimo Introvigne]], [https://bitterwinter.org/a-selective-compassion-president-lees-chuseok-and-the-detention-of-a-religious-refugee/ &quot;A Selective Compassion? President Lee’s Chuseok and the Detention of a Religious Refugee&quot;], ''Bitter Winter'' (October 11, 2025)

== J ==

* The liberalist slogan “You can’t get ahead of the people” is meaningless. From what other position can one lead? From the rear? Rearguard leadership?!! A typical Yankee innovation. I think most of these irresponsible excuse-slogans are based on dread—a secret wish to avoid the discomfiture of people’s war. In all the successful class struggles and colonial wars of liberation, the vanguard elements did get ahead of the people and pull. There is no other way in forward mass movement.
** [[George Jackson (activist)|George Jackson]], ''Blood in My Eye'' (1971), p. 15

* The rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones are tyrants over them. It will not be so among you; but whoever wishes to be great among you must be your servant, and whoever wishes to be first among you must be your slave; just as the {{w|Son of Man}} came not to be served but to serve.
** [[Jesus]] as reported by [[Gospel of Matthew|Matthew]] 20:25-27

== K ==

* Ye call me chief, and ye do well to call him chief who, for twelve long years, has met upon the arena every shape of man or beast that the broad Empire of Rome could furnish, and has never yet lowered his arm. And if there be one among you who can say that, ever, in public fight or private brawl, my actions did belie my tongue, let him step forth and say it. If there be three in all your throng dare face me on the bloody sand, let them come on! Yet I was not always thus, a hired butcher, a savage chief of still more savage men.
** {{w|Elijah Kellogg}}, &quot;Spartacus to the Gladiators&quot;; in Wilmot B. Mitchell, ''Elijah Kellogg: The Man and His Work'' (1903), p. 206. Written by Kellogg as a student at Andover Theological Seminary in 1840–1843, and published in various books on public speaking and oratory.

* Two things are absolutely necessary in any leader or any person that aspires, wishes, to be a leader. That is [[moral]] compass and second is [[empathy]].
** [[Khizr and Ghazala Khan|Khizr Khan]], on an interview with ''{{w|CNN}}'' about [[Donald Trump]]. [http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/1607/31/sotu.01.html] (July 31, 2016)

* None has more contempt for what it is to be a man than they who make it their profession to lead the crowd.
** [[Søren Kierkegaard]], in ''Existentialism from Dostoevsky to Sartre'', p. 96

* Leadership is rooted not in power and authority, but in service and wisdom.
** [[Robin Wall Kimmerer]], {{cite book |title={{w|Braiding Sweetgrass}}: Indigenous Wisdom, Scientific Knowledge and the Teachings of Plants |date=16 September 2013 |publisher=Milkweed Editions |isbn=978-1-57131-871-8 |page=112}}

* Most people are indifferent, unless their self-interest is at stake. Then there are the chronic complainers. [...] Fortunately, there are those in every organization, few but invaluable, who know their responsibilities and seem to thrive on meeting them. They get things done. These are the ones we all rely upon, the people who take care of the rest of us, quiet leaders.
** [[Robin Wall Kimmerer]], {{cite book |title={{w|Braiding Sweetgrass}}: Indigenous Wisdom, Scientific Knowledge and the Teachings of Plants |date=16 September 2013 |publisher=Milkweed Editions |isbn=978-1-57131-871-8 |page=169}}

* '''Machines are as nothing without men. Men are as nothing without morale.'''
** Fleet Admiral [[Ernest King]], [[United States Navy|U.S. Navy]], graduation address at the United States Naval Academy, 16 June 1942, as quoted by Robert A. Fitton (editor) in ''Leadership: Quotations From the Military Tradition'' (1990), p. 193

* '''Ultimately a genuine leader is not a searcher for consensus, but a molder of consensus.'''
** [[Martin Luther King, Jr.]], In an address at the Episcopal National Cathedral, Washington D.C. (31 March 1968)

* If someone took [[control]] of your [[mind]] and you were not able to [[think]] as yourself any longer, you would no longer be yourself. You'd be something in his [[command]]. You as an [[individual]] would be [[dead]]. That's [[w:Anti-Life|Anti-Life]]. In other words, if you gave yourself to some [[cause]], and gave up everything as an individual and you were at the beck and call of some [[leader]], you would be dead as an individual.
** [[Jack Kirby]], [https://twomorrows.com/kirby/articles/17tot.html &quot;Jack Kirby interview&quot;], ''Train of Thought'' #5, (1971); February 1990, posted May 23, 2011 in issue 134 of &quot;The Comics Journal&quot;, now on TCJ Archive

* If the proverbial man of the planet Mars would come to this earth and inquire about the difference between &quot;leader&quot; and &quot;[[ruler]]&quot; he would learn that &quot;rulers&quot; are strange people who dressed in ermine, wore crowns, married foreign women, kept strictly to themselves, and had the inclination to administer the country without asking the people about their wishes. A &quot;leader,&quot; on the other hand, he would be told, is a regular fellow in a simple uniform who embodies his nation, who tries desperately to create by [[propaganda]] complete unison between his ideas and the people. A leader, he might hear, was a local boy who made good, who spoke everybody's language, who never traveled abroad and disliked titles and royal paraphernalia.
** [[Erik von Kuehnelt-Leddihn]], ''The Menace of the Herd'' (1943), p. 313

* It was the beginning of the end of the [[Cold War|cold war]] and the dawn of a new geopolitical order. Within that order, the nature of [[politics]] and leaders changed. The [[Pierre Trudeau|Trudeau]] approach to leadership, where a figure is known by style rather than substance, has become entrenched. [[Marshall McLuhan]], that great prophet of the 1960s, predicted &quot;The politician will be only too happy to abdicate in favor of his image, because the image will be so much more powerful than he could ever be.&quot; The political leaders of the [[1968]] generation who have come to power, such as [[Bill Clinton]] in the [[United States]] or [[Tony Blair]] in the [[United Kingdom]], have shown an intuitive fluency with this concept of leadership. 
** [[Mark Kurlansky]], ''1968: The Year that Rocked the World'' (2004), ISBN 0-345-45581-9

== L ==
* '''Men fight more fiercely for a king who shares their peril than one who hides behind his mother's skirts.''' 
** {{w|Tyrion Lannister}}, [[George R. R. Martin|George R.R. Martin]], ''[[A Song of Ice and Fire#A Clash of Kings|A Clash of Kings]]'' (1999), Chapter Tyrion (XII)

* A leader is best when people barely know he exists; Not so good when people obey and acclaim him; worst when they despise him; but a good leader who talks little when his work is done, his aim fulfilled, they will say &quot;We did it our selves!&quot;
** [[Laozi]], in the ''[[w:Tao Te Ching|Tao Te Ching]]''

* Superior leaders get things done with very little motion. They impart instruction not through many words, but through a few deeds. They keep informed about everything but interfere hardly at all. They are catalysts, and though things would not get done as well if they were not there, when they succeed they take no credit. And, because they take no credit, credit never leaves them.
** [[Laozi]], as quoted in ''Growing the Distance: Timeless Principles for Personal, Career, and Family Success'' (1999) by Jim Clemmer, p. 137

* Bad leaders make you feel bad about yourself. Good leaders make you feel good about them. The best leaders make you feel good about yourself. The great leaders are like the best conductors — they reach beyond the notes to reach the magic in the players.
** [[w:Blaine Lee|Blaine Lee]], in ''The Power Principle : Influence With Honor'' (1998), p. 272

* I cannot consent to place in the control of others one who cannot control himself.
** [[Robert E. Lee]], in a comment regarding officers who became inebriated, as quoted in ''Personal Reminiscences, Anecdotes, and Letters of Gen. Robert E. Lee'' (1874) by John William Jones, p. 170

* There go the people. I must follow them, for I am their leader.
** An unknown comedian is quoted as saying &quot;il faut bien que je les suive, puisque je suis leur chef&quot;, ''Galerie des Contemporains Illustres'', vol. 3 (1841), M. Mauguin p. 6; see also ''Revue Britannique'', ser. 6, vol. 30 (1850), p. 342. Attributed to [[w:Alexandre Ledru-Rollin|Alexandre Ledru-Rollin]], one of the leaders of the February Revolution of 1848 in France, [[w:fr:Eugène de Mirecourt|Eugène de Mirecourt]], [http://books.google.com/books?id=iA-5arv1bBYC&amp;q=%22Eh+je+suis+leur+chef+il+fallait+bien+les+suivre%22&amp;pg=PA11#v=onepage Histoire Contemporaine, No. 79] (1857). James Michael Curley uses this quotation as an epigraph at the beginning of chapter 4 of his autobiography, ''I'd Do It Again'' (1957), p. 44, and attributes it to a French Revolutionist. Attribution to Gandhi of &quot;I must follow the people for I am their leader&quot; is made by Leon Howell, &quot;The Delta Ministry&quot;, ''Christianity and Crisis'' (August 8, 1966), p. 192. Alvin R. Calman, ''Ledru-Rollin and the Second French Republic (Studies in History, Economics and Public Law''), vol. 103, no. 2, (1922), p. 374, says Ledru-Rollin's use of &quot;I am their chief; I must follow them&quot; is probably apocryphal.

* '''Any [[w:Ivy_League|Ivy League]] academy asshole can issue orders and take the credit. What matters is when you place your own ass on the line, and your men know that you are not some armchair commander asking them to risk death while you enjoy the good life. Morale is everything, and you do not build it by typing goddamned reports and having cocktail parties.'''
** General [[Curtis LeMay]], U.S. Air Force, Ret., as quoted in a 1986 interview with Colin Heation, ''Above The Reich: Deadly Dogfights, Blistering Bombing Raids, and Other War Stories from the Greatest American Air Heroes of World War II, in Their Own Words'' (2021), p. 348

* The final test of a leader is that he leaves behind him in other men the conviction and the will to carry on. ... The genius of a good leader is to leave behind him a situation which common sense, without the grace of genius, can deal with successfully.
** [[Walter Lippmann]], in &quot;[[Franklin Delano Roosevelt|Roosevelt]] Has Gone&quot; in ''The New York Herald Tribune'' (14 April 1945)

== M ==

* That's [[Democracy|democratic]] leadership. It's like a flock of geese. They make the calls from the back. ...If you really are leading, everybody is leading.
** [[Wynton Marsalis]], &quot;Wynton Marsalis on What Jazz Can Teach Us About Democracy | Amanpour &amp; Company&quot; (Feb 23, 2026) [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VQn9DLxoBgc&amp;t=779s 12:59.]

* The [[art]] of leading, in operations large or small, is the art of dealing with [[humanity]], of working diligently on behalf of men, of being sympathetic with them, but equally, of insisting that they make a square facing toward their own problems.
** [[w:S.L.A. Marshall|S. L. A. Marshall]] in ''Men Against Fire : The Problem of Battle Command in Future War'' (1954), p. 160

* If you're a leader, you don't push wet spaghetti, you pull it. The U.S. Army still has to learn that. The British understand it. [[George S. Patton|Patton]] understood it. I always admired Patton. Oh, sure, the stupid bastard was crazy. He was insane. He thought he was living in the Dark Ages. Soldiers were peasants to him. I didn't like that attitude, but I certainly respected his theories and the techniques he used to get his men out of their foxholes.
** [[Bill Mauldin]] in ''The Brass Ring'' (1971)

* Leaders touch a [[heart]] before they ask for a hand.
** {{w|John C. Maxwell}}, in &quot;Leaders Touch a Heart before They Ask for a Hand&quot;, in ''Josh McDowell's Youth Ministry Handbook: Making the Connection'' (2000), Ch. 14

* Leaders are not necessarily popular. For soldiers, the choice between popularity and effectiveness is ultimately no choice at all. Soldiers want to win; their survival depends on it. They will accept, and even take pride in, the quirks and shortcomings of a leader if they believe he can produce success.
** Stanley A. McChrystal, ''My Share of the Task'' (2013), p. 392

* The real leader has no [[need]] to lead — he is content to point the way.
** [[Henry Miller]], &quot;The Wisdom of the Heart&quot; in ''The Wisdom of the Heart'' (1941)

* No [[person|man]] is [[great]] enough or [[wise]] enough for any of us to surrender our [[destiny]] to. The only way in which anyone can lead us is to restore to us the [[belief]] in our own guidance.
** [[Henry Miller]], in ''The Wisdom of the Heart'' (1941)

* [[Political]] leaders are never leaders. For leaders we have to look to the Awakeners! [[Laozi|Lao Tse]], [[Gautama Buddha|Buddha]], [[Socrates]], [[Jesus]], [[w:Milarepa|Milarepa]], [[G. I. Gurdjieff|Gurdjiev]], [[Jiddu Krishnamurti|Krishnamurti]].
** [[Henry Miller]], in  ''My Bike &amp; Other Friends'' (1977), p. 12

== N ==
* '''One can lead a nation only by helping it see a bright outlook. A leader is a dealer in hope.'''
** [[Napoleon I of France]], in ''Napoleon : In His Own Words'' (1916) edited by Jules Bertaut, as translated by Herbert Edward Law and Charles Lincoln Rhodes

== P ==

* When the word leader, or leadership, returns to current use, it connotes a relapse into barbarism. For a civilized people, it is the most ominous word in any language.
** [[Isabel Paterson]], The God of the Machine (1943)

* Wars may be fought with weapons, but they are won by men. It is the spirit of the men who follow and of the man who leads that gains the victory.
** [[George S. Patton]], in ''Cavalry Journal'' (September 1933)

* Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do, and they will surprise you with their ingenuity.
** [[George S. Patton]], in ''War As I Knew It'' (1947) &quot;Reflections and Suggestions&quot;

* We herd sheep, we drive cattle, we lead people. Lead me, follow me, or get out of my way.
** [[George S. Patton]], as quoted in ''Pocket Patriot : Quotes from American Heroes'' (2005) edited by Kelly Nickell, p. 157

* He who has God alone for his leader, he alone is free.
** [[Philo]], ''Every Good Man is Free'', 20

*:'''[[w:Beverly Crusher|Beverly Crusher]]''': Data, '''telling us why you're going to fail before you make the attempt is never wise.'''
*:'''[[w:Data|Data]]''': But is not honesty always the preferred choice?
*:'''Jean-Luc Picard''': '''Excessive [[Honesty|honesty]] can be disastrous, particularly in a commander.'''
*:'''Data''': Indeed?
*:'''Jean-Luc Picard''': '''Knowing your limitations is one thing. Advertising them to a crew can damage your credibility as a leader.'''
** [[Jean-Luc Picard]], ''[[Star Trek: The Next Generation]]'' episode &quot;[[w:The Ensigns of Command|The Ensigns of Command]]&quot; (2 October 1989) by Melinda M. Snodgrass.

* Leadership is the [[art]] of accomplishing more than the [[science]] of [[management]] says is [[possible]].
** [[Colin Powell]], ''The Powell Principles'' (2003)

** There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work and learning from failure.
** [[Colin Powell]], as quoted in The Leadership Secrets of Colin Powell (2003) by Oren Harari, p. 164.

* Success ultimately rests on small things, lots of small things. Leaders have to have a feel for small things — a feel for what is going in in the depths of an organization where small things reside. The more senior you become, the more you are isolated by pomp and staff, and the harder and more necessary it becomes to know what is going on six floors down. One way is to leave the top floor and its grand accoutrements and get down into the bowels for real. Don't tell anyone you are coming. Avoid advance notices that produce crash cleanups, frantic preparations, and PowerPoint presentations.
** [[Colin Powell]], ''It Worked For Me: In Life and Leadership'' (2012), p. 18

* It is the human gesture that counts. Yes, medals, stock options, promotions, bonuses, and pay raises are fine. But to really reach people, you need to touch them. A kind word, a pat on the back, a &quot;well done,&quot; provided one-on-one and not by mob email is the way you share credit. It is the way you appeal to the dreams, inspirations, anxieties, and fears of your followers. They want to be the best they can be; a good leader lets them know it when they are.
** [[Colin Powell]], ''It Worked For Me: In Life and Leadership'' (2012), p. 21

* But leaders are not gods. Their understanding is never totally clear, totally accurate, totally certain. Every leader is human... imperfectly human. Water-walkers sometimes fail, and quiet walkers sometimes end up on top. Leaders need to watch all their subordinate; work with all of them, encourage the hotshots, but invest in the others. Always be prepared to change your mind, however firmly made up, when dealing with those infinitely faceted beings we call people. The leader must never forget that he may end up working for one of them.
** [[Colin Powell]], ''It Worked For Me: In Life and Leadership'' (2012), p. 70

* Do I look for good managers or good leaders? Let us bury that old distinction. Good managers are good leaders, and good leaders are good managers. But great leaders have a special touch that separates them from managers. Good management gets 100 percent of a team's designed capability. Great leaders seek a higher ground. They take their followers to 110, 120, 150 percent of what anyone thought was possible. Great leaders do not just motivate followers; they inspire them.
** [[Colin Powell]], ''It Worked For Me: In Life and Leadership'' (2012), p. 99

* &quot;What is a leader?&quot; people ask me. My simple answer: &quot;Someone unafraid to take charge. Someone people respond to and are willing to follow.&quot; I believe that leaders must be born with a natural connection and affinity to others, which then must be encouraged and developed by parents and teachers and molded by training, experience, and mentoring. You can learn to be a better leader. And you can also waste your natural talents by ceasing to learn and grow.
** [[Colin Powell]], ''It Worked For Me: In Life and Leadership'' (2012), p. 101

* I lead in the way of [[righteousness]], in the midst of the paths of [[judgment]]: That I may cause those that [[love]] me to inherit substance; and I will fill their [[treasures]].
** ''[[Book of Proverbs]]'' 8:20 (KJV)

== R ==
* As more and more [[artificial intelligence]] is entering into the world, more and more emotional intelligence must enter into [[leadership]].
** [[Amit Ray]] {{cite web| url=https://books.google.com/books/about/Compassionate_Artificial_Intelligence.html?id=wZt7DwAAQBAJ&amp;redir_esc=y             |title=''Compassionate Artificial Intelligence: Frameworks and Algorithms'' (2018) p. 124}}

* Emotional intelligence is the foundation of [[leadership]]. It balances flexibility with toughness, vision with passion, compassion with justice.
** [[Amit Ray]]  Mindfulness Meditation for Corporate Leadership and Management  (2017)
* You cannot be a leader, and ask other people to follow you, unless you know how to follow, too.
** [[Sam Rayburn]], ''The Leadership of Speaker Sam Rayburn, Collected Tributes of His Congressional Colleagues'' (1961), p. 34. House Doc. 87–247. &quot;A compilation of tributes paid him in the Hall of the House of Representatives, June 12, 1961, and other pertinent material, to celebrate the occasion of his having served as Speaker twice as long as any of his predecessors in the history of the United States: Sixteen years and 273 days&quot; (title page)

* The future is taking shape now in our own beliefs and in the courage of our leaders. Ideas and leadership — not natural or social &quot;forces&quot; — are the prime movers in human affairs.
** [[w:George Roche III|George Roche III]], ''A World Without Heroes : The Modern Tragedy'' (1987), p. 346

*Could the terrors and crimes of today be possible if both Origins had been balanced? In the hands of woman lies the salvation of humanity and of our planet. Woman must realize her significance... she should be prepared to take responsibility for the destiny of humanity. Mother, the life-giver, has every right to direct the destiny of her children. The voice of woman, the mother, should be heard amongst the leaders of humanity. The mother suggests the first conscious thoughts to her child. She gives direction and quality to all his aspirations and abilities. But the mother who possesses no thought of culture can suggest only the lower expressions of human nature. &lt;BR&gt;But in her striving toward education, woman must remember that all educational systems are only the means for the development of a higher knowledge and culture. The true culture of thought is developed by the culture of spirit and heart. Only such a combination gives that great synthesis without which it is impossible to realize the real grandeur, diversity, and complexity of human life in its cosmic evolution. Therefore, while striving to knowledge, may woman remember the Source of Light and the Leaders of Spirit—those great Minds who, verily, created the consciousness of humanity. In approaching this Source, this leading Principle of Synthesis, humanity will find the way to real evolution.
**[[Helena Roerich]]  ''Letters I,''  (1 March 1929)

== S ==

* Serve To Lead
** Motto of the Royal Military Academy Sandhurst, located in Sandhurst, Berkshire, England. RMA Sandhurst has served as the officer training school of the British Army since the former's foundation in 1802.

* With the changes in technological complexity, especially in information technology, the leadership task has changed. Leadership in a networked organization is a fundamentally different thing from leadership in a traditional hierarchy.
** [[Edgar H. Schein]] (2011), ''Organizational Culture and Leadership,'' p. 12-13

* Leadership does not mean domination. The [[world]] is always well supplied with people who wish to [[rule]] and dominate others. &lt;br /&gt; The [[true]] leader is a different sort; he seeks effective [[activity]] which has a truly beneficent [[purpose]]. He [[inspires]] others to follow in his wake, and holding aloft the torch of [[wisdom]], leads the way for [[society]] to realize its genuinely [[great]] [[aspirations]].
** [[Haile Selassie I]], [[s:Selassie's speech on Leadership|Speech on Leadership]] in ''Speeches Delivered on Various Occasions, May 1957-December 1959'' (1960), p. 138

* The art of leadership is in the ability to make people want to work for you, while they are really under no obligation to do so. Leaders are people, who raise the standards by which they judge themselves and by which they are willing to be judged. The goal chosen, the objective selected, the requirements imposed, are not mainly for their followers alone. &lt;br /&gt; They develop with consumate energy and devotion, their own skill and knowledge in order to reach the standard they themselves have set. &lt;br /&gt; This whole-hearted acceptance of the demands imposed by even higher standards is the basis of all human progress. A love of higher quality, we must remember, is essential in a leader.
** [[Haile Selassie I]], [[s:Selassie's speech on Leadership|Speech on Leadership]] in ''Speeches Delivered on Various Occasions, May 1957-December 1959'' (1960), p. 138

* And that, quite frankly, was how we did things in the old Army. Back then it was all about action, not words. We did whaever it took to successfully complete the task, even if it meant putting our stripes on the line and bending a few rules. Today's N.C.O.s wouldn't dare make a move if it meant deviating from Army doctrine or established regulations. They are not risk takers. Personally, I see that as a serious problem. But if you doubt what I'm saying, just do a quick recap of America's most decisive battles by some of her most notable leaders. For instance, consider the actions taken during the crossing of the Delaware by General George Washington in the Revolutionary War. Or those taken by General Andrew Jackson at the Battle of New Orleans during the War of 1812. Or those taken by Colonel Joshua Chamberlain at the Battle of Little Round Top during the Civil War. Or by General Douglas MacArthur at the Battle of Inchon during the Korean Conflict.&lt;br&gt;The point I'm trying to illustrate here is that it takes more than a course on leadership to be an effective leader. And it's not enough to be able to memorize and recite the N.C.O. creed to be a good leader. '''The best leaders are men of action with plenty of common sense and ingenuity. Being able to recite creeds or quote leadership manuals proves nothing. The mark of a real leader is the doing, not the talking.'''
** Robert J. Shano, ''Never Too Old For War'' (2023), self-published, paperback first edition, p. 47-48

* To be perfectly honest, I'm not even sure I'm what you would have called a real leader. As an Army master sergeant, I certainly had the rank and the authority to tell soldiers what to do, but that alone didn't make me a leader. It takes more than stripes and silver bars to be a leader. There's one thing I do know for certain. You can't be a leader without respect. That's actually how you can tell whether or not a leader is any good. You can tell by how well respected he is by others. General George S. Patton was unquestionably a good leader. He was so good that even his enemies respected him. The same could be said about his principal adversary, German Field Marshal Erwin Rommel, another leader respected by the soldiers of both camps. Now if that's not leadership, then I don't know what is.
** Robert J. Shano, ''Never Too Old For War'' (2023), self-published, paperback first edition, p. 48

* '''Leadership grows from self-confidence''', which is also part of a Starfleet officer's education. 
** Spoken by [[w:Marina Sirtis|Marina Sirtis]] as Counselor (Lt. Cmdr.) [[w:Deanna Troi|Deanna Troi]] in the Star Trek: The Next Generation episode &quot;[[w:Pen Pals (Star Trek: The Next Generation)|Pen Pals]]&quot; (1 May 1989) by [[w:Hannah Louise Shearer|Hannah Louise Shearer]]

*:'''[[w:William Riker|William T. Riker]]''': Wes, '''responsibility and authority go hand in hand.''' I know you're responsible, now we've got to teach you a little bit of authority. One of the reasons you've been given command is so you can make a few right decisions, that will establish a pattern of success and help build self-confidence. '''If you don't trust your own judgment, you don't belong in the command chair.'''
*:'''Wesley Crusher''':  But what if I'm wrong?
*:'''William T. Riker''': Then you're wrong. '''It's arrogant to think you'll never make a mistake.'''
*:'''Wesley Crusher''':  But what if it's something really important. I mean, not just a mineral survey. What if someone dies because I made a mistake?
*:'''William T. Riker''': In your position, '''it's important to ask yourself one question. What would [[Jean-Luc Picard|Picard]] do?'''
*:'''Wesley Crusher''':  '''He'd listen to everyone's opinion, then make his own decision.''' But he's Captain Picard. 
** &quot;[[w:Pen Pals (Star Trek: The Next Generation)|Pen Pals]]&quot; (1 May 1989) by [[w:Hannah Louise Shearer|Hannah Louise Shearer]]

*:'''[[w:Beverly Crusher|Beverly Crusher]]''': Data, telling us why you're going to fail before you make the attempt is never wise.
*:'''[[w:Data|Data]]''': But is not honesty always the preferred choice?
*:'''Jean-Luc Picard''': '''Excessive honesty can be disastrous, particularly in a commander.'''
*:'''Data''': Indeed?
*:'''Jean-Luc Picard''': '''Knowing your limitations is one thing. Advertising them to a crew can damage your credibility as a leader.'''
** [[Star Trek: The Next Generation]] episode &quot;[[w:The Ensigns of Command|The Ensigns of Command]]&quot; (2 October 1989) by Melinda M. Snodgrass.

* I will not follow where the path may lead; instead I will go where there is no path and leave a trail.
** Muriel Strode, from ''My Little Book of Prayer'', Open Court Publishing (1905). p. 11 (commonly and incorrectly attributed to [[Ralph Waldo Emerson]])

* As we, the leaders, deal with tomorrow, our task is not to try to make perfect plans. Our task is to create organizations that are sufficiently flexible and versatile that they can take our imperfect plans and make them work in execution. That is the essential character of the [[learning organization]].
** [[w:Gordon R. Sullivan|Gordon R. Sullivan]] &amp; [[w:Michael V. Harper|Michael V. Harper]], in ''Hope is Not a Method'' (1997), Ch. 11 : Growing the Learning Organization

== T ==
*Leadership: whatever happens, you're responsible. If it doesn't happen, you're responsible.
**[[Donald Trump]]. [https://twitter.com/realdonaldtrump/status/398887965302091776 Tweet (8 November 2013)]
* One cannot assert authority by accepting one's own fallibility. Simply, people need to be blinded by knowledge - we are made to follow leaders who can gather people together because the advantages of being in groups trump the disadvantages of being alone. It has been more profitable for us to bind together in the wrong direction than to be alone in the right one. Those who have followed the assertive idiot rather than the introspective wise person have passed us some of their genes. This is apparent from a social pathology: psychopaths rally followers.
** [[Nassim Nicholas Taleb]], ''The Black Swan: The Impact of the Highly Improbable'' (2007) Ch. 12: Epistemocracy, a Dream, p. 192.

* I suppose men are born with traits that can be cultivated in the direction of leadership. But there is also no doubt that leadership can be cultivated The idea of any man being born an army commander or being born to be a theater commander, such as General Eisenhower, just isn’t so. The characteristics of leadership, necessarily has to have certain decisiveness and confidence come from knowledge based on studies and training. The fundamental thing is your basic knowledge, the development of your mind, and your ability to apply this knowledge as you go along your military career.
** [[Lucian Truscott]], as quoted in ''Nineteen Stars: A Study in Military Character &amp; Leadership'' (CA: Presidio, 1971), by Edgar F. Puryear, Jr.— in answer to the question of whether leaders are born or made posed by author.

* Character is what you are. Reputation is what others think you are. The reason that some fail to climb the ladder of success, or of leadership if you want to call it that, is that there is a difference between reputation and character. The two do not always coincide. A man may be considered to have sterling character. Opportunity might come to that man; but if he has the reputation for something he is not, he may fail that opportunity. I think character is the foundation of successful leadership.
** [[Lucian Truscott]], as quoted in ''Air Force Journal of Logistics'', March 22, 2005, Notable quotes

* I am a leader by default, only because nature does not allow a vacuum.
** [[Desmond Tutu]], As quoted in ''[[w:The Christian Science Monitor|The Christian Science Monitor]]'' (20 December 1984)

== U ==
* Remember, I have not appointed you as commanders and tyrants over the [[people]]. I have sent you as leaders instead, so that the people may follow your [[example]]. Give the Muslims their rights and do not beat them lest they become abused. Do not praise them unduly, lest they fall into the [[error]] of [[conceit]]. Do not keep your [[doors]] shut in their [[faces]], lest the more powerful of them eat up the weaker ones. And do not behave as if you were superior to them, for that is tyranny over them.
** [[Umar]] as quoted in ''Omar the Great : The Second Caliph Of Islam'' (1962) by Muhammad Shibli Numani,  Vol. 2, p. 33

== V ==
* [[Narcissism]] is often the driving force behind the desire to obtain a leadership position. Perhaps individuals with strong narcissistic personality features are more willing to undertake the arduous process of attaining a position of power.
** [[Manfred F.R. Kets de Vries]] and Danny Miller. &quot;Narcissism and leadership: An object relations perspective.&quot; ''Human Relations'' 38.6 (1985): 583-601

== W ==
*A popular movement cannot be dependent on one single person, no matter how worthy that person might be.
**Chaim Weizmann. Quoted by [https://wiki.projectherzl.com/wiki/Quotes_by_Chaim_Weizmann Project Herzl].

* Outstanding leaders go out of their way to boost the self-esteem of their personnel. If people believe in themselves, it's amazing what they can accomplish. 
** [[Sam Walton]], attributed, ''The 101 Greatest Business Principles of All Time''

* In [[organizations]], real power and energy is generated through relationships. The patterns of relationships and the capacities to form them are more important than tasks, functions, roles, and positions.
** [[Margaret Wheatley]], as quoted in ''100 Ways to Motivate Yourself'' (2004) by Steve Chandler, p. 123 &lt;!-- from ''Leadership and the New Science : Learning about Organization from an Orderly Universe'' (1992)??? --&gt;

* A great nation is not led by a man who simply repeats the talk of the street-corners or the opinions of the [[newspapers]]. A nation is led by a man who hears more than those things; or who, rather, hearing those things, understands them better, unites them, puts them into a common meaning; speaks, not the rumors of the street, but a new principle for a new age; a man in whose ears the voices of the nation do not sound like the accidental and discordant notes that come from the voice of a mob, but concurrent and concordant like the united voices of a chorus, whose many meanings, spoken by melodious tongues, unite in his understanding in a single meaning and reveal to him a single vision, so that he can speak what no man else knows, the common meaning of the common voice. Such is the man who leads a great, free, democratic nation.
** [[Woodrow Wilson]], president of Princeton, address, &quot;Abraham Lincoln: A Man of the People&quot;, Chicago, Illinois (February 12, 1909); in Arthur S. Link, ed., ''The Papers of Woodrow Wilson'' (1975), vol. 19, p. 42

==X==
*If we were at war and wanted to choose a leader most capable of helping us to save ourselves and conquer the enemy, should we choose one whom we knew to be the slave of the belly, or of wine, or lust, or sleep?
** [[Xenophon]], [[Socrates]] in ''[[Memorabilia]]'', 1.5.1

==Z==
* Most leaders lack the discipline to do routine [[w:Risk management|risk-based]] horizon scanning, and fewer still develop the requisite contingency plans. Even rarer is the leader who has the foresight to correctly identify the top threat far enough in advance to develop and implement those plans.
** [[Micah Zenko]], ''[https://foreignpolicy.com/2020/03/25/coronavirus-worst-intelligence-failure-us-history-covid-19/ The coronavirus is the worst intelligence failure in US history]'', 25 March 2020, ''{{w|Foreign Policy}}''

==Author unknown==
* Some citizens are so good that nothing a leader can do will make them better. Others are so incorrigible that nothing can be done to improve them. But the great bulk of the people go with the moral tide of the moment. The leader must help create that tide.
** Author unknown. Reported in ''Respectfully Quoted: A Dictionary of Quotations'' (1989) as attributed to a nineteenth century Japanese philosopher by John W. Gardner, as quoted by {{w|Edward P. Morgan}} in his syndicated column. ''{{w|The Washington Post}}'' (September 29, 1970), p. A18

== See also ==
* [[Ability]]
* [[Benevolence]]
* [[Competence]]
* [[Ethics]]
* [[Harmlessness]]
* [[Honesty]]
* [[Justice]]
* [[Karma|Law of cause and effect (Karma)]]
* [[Integrity]]
* [[Management]]
* [[Maslow's hierarchy of needs]]
* [[Noblesse oblige]]
* [[Respect]]
* [[Responsibility]]
* [[Virtue]]

==External links==
* [https://emeritus.org/in/learn/what-is-leadership/ What is Leadership]

{{wikipedia}}
{{wiktionary|leadership}}

[[Category:Management]]</text>
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    <title>Tommy Douglas</title>
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      <text bytes="14548" sha1="i2x6h2us8sr40bzdhwqotc7tlc1j6p6" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Tommydouglas1945.jpg|thumb|Fascism begins the moment a ruling class, fearing the people may use their political democracy to gain economic democracy, begins to destroy pol democracy in order to retain its power of exploitation and special privilege.]]
'''[[w:Tommy Douglas|Thomas Clement Douglas]]''' &lt;small&gt;[[w:Queen's Privy Council for Canada|PC]] [[w:Member of Parliament|MP]] [[w:Order of Canada|CC]] [[w:Saskatchewan Order of Merit|SOM]] [[w:Master of Arts (postgraduate)|MA]] [[w:Doctor of Laws|LL.D]]&lt;/small&gt; (20 October 1904&amp;nbsp;– 24 February 1986) was a Scottish Canadian politician who served as [[w:Premier of Saskatchewan|Premier of Saskatchewan]] from 1944 to 1961 and Leader of the [[w:New Democratic Party|New Democratic Party]] from 1961 to 1971. A [[w:Baptist|Baptist]] minister, he was elected to the [[w:House of Commons of Canada|House of Commons of Canada]] in 1935 as a member of the [[w:Co-operative Commonwealth Federation|Co-operative Commonwealth Federation]] (CCF). He left [[w:List of federal political parties in Canada|federal politics]] to become Leader of the [[w:Saskatchewan New Democratic Party|Saskatchewan Co-operative Commonwealth Federation]] and then the seventh Premier of Saskatchewan. His cabinet was the first democratic socialist government in North America and it introduced the continent's first [[w:Single-payer health care|single-payer]], [[w:Health care in Canada|universal health care program]]. Douglas was voted &quot;[[w:The Greatest Canadian|The Greatest Canadian]]&quot; of all time in a nationally televised contest organized by the [[w:Canadian Broadcasting Corporation|Canadian Broadcasting Corporation]] in 2004.

== Quotes ==

* The speech from the throne speaks about maintaining [[peace]] - peace today, when [[Canada|Canadian]] [[w:Nickel|nickel]] is being indirectly shipped to [[Ethiopia]]. Peace today, when [[Italy|Italian]] [[Airplane|aeroplanes]] are being flown with [[United Kingdom|British]] oil! Peace! Mr. Speaker, if this be peace it must be like the peace of the Lord - it passeth all understanding.
** Maiden speech, House of Commons, [[Ottawa]], Ontario, February 11, 1936.

* I am sure that hon. members will realize that I am not drawing on my imagination when I state that last fall there were [[children]] going to [[Education|school]] in [[Saskatchewan]] with only sacking wrapped around their feet. We have gone into homes and found [[mothers]] and children lying on piles of bedding in the corner; they did not have the proper bedding equipment or the proper clothing to meet the rigours of a very cold [[winter]].
** Maiden speech, House of Commons, Ottawa, Ontario, February 11, 1936.

* Will it be a great source of comfort to certain [[Canadians|Canadian]] boys to know that the bullet that maimed them for life was made from Canadian nickel sold by the [[w:Inco|International Nickel Company]]?
** Debate, House of Commons, Ottawa, Ontario, April 3, 1939.

* At this season of the year we draw close to [[Good Friday]]. All the eyes of the world will turn back to &quot;a green hill far away, without a city wall,&quot; where the [[Jesus|founder of Christianity]] was crucified by those forces of [[selfishness]], [[greed]], and [[lust]] for gain that are still at work in the world. It seems to me that unless we do something in Canada about the question of the export of war materials there will be another crucifixion - the crucifixion of a generation of young men, crucified upon a cross of nickel.
** Debate, House of Commons, Ottawa, Ontario, April 3, 1939.

* I suggest that the hon. gentleman may be a good [[Corporations|corporation]] [[Lawyers|lawyer]], but he is slipping badly in his [[history]]. The [[Capitalism|capitalist]] system did not produce the [[Industrial Revolution|machine age]]; the machine age produced the capitalist system. The material prosperity that the world has enjoyed for the last seventy-five years or one hundred years has been due to the introduction of [[power]]; [[Steam engine|steam power]], then [[Electricity|electric power]] and the [[w:Internal_combustion_engine|internal combustion engine]]. The capitalist system or the free enterprise system - the terms are synonymous and interchangeable - was the product of the power age. The capitalist system did not produce the power age.
** Budget Debate, House of Commons, Ottawa, Ontario, March 22, 1943.

* What is this [[free enterprise]] system? It is the law of the jungle applied to [[economics]]. It is the law of every man for himself, as the elephant said when he was dancing among the chickens. That is not a bad philosophy if, like the hon. member for York - Sunbury, you happen to be in the elephant class, but it is likely to be depressing if you are a farmer or worker, and belong in the chicken group. Free enterprise means unrestricted competition; [[Ecclesiastes|the race to the swift and the battle to the strong]]; [[Alfred, Lord Tennyson|nature red in tooth and claw]].
** Budget Debate, House of Commons, Ottawa, Ontario, March 22, 1943.

* When the [[World War II|war]] came we were shocked to find, as Mr. Thorson, the then Minister of National War Services said, that forty-six per cent of the men called were rejected because that [[Great Depression|depression]] had left physical and psychological scars which will never be erased from that generation.
** Budget Debate, House of Commons, Ottawa, Ontario, March 22, 1943.

* We agree with the statement contained in the encyclical Quadragesimo Anno, written by [[w:Pope Leo XIII|Pope Leo XIII]], that &quot;anything which dominates the life of the community should be owned by the community.&quot; That is the basis upon which we believe there should be government ownership of monopolistic enterprises.
** Budget Debate, House of Commons, Ottawa, Ontario, March 22, 1943.

* '''We believe that no nation can survive politically free but economically enslaved.'''
** Budget Debate, House of Commons, Ottawa, Ontario, March 22, 1943.

* [[w:Harry Houdini|Houdini]] used to pull rabbits out of a hat, but he never tried to make a living out of selling them when he had pulled them out of the hat
** Budget Debate, Saskatchewan Legislature, March 18, 1947.

*''' I am still a little fellow.  Mr. Tucker is big enough to swallow me, but if he did, he would be the strangest man in the world. He would have more brains in his stomach than he does in his head.'''
** To Liberal leader of the time Walter Tucker, quoted &quot;Star Phoenix&quot; July 14 1947.

*'My dream is for people around the world to look up and to see Canada like a little jewel sitting at the top of the continent.' To his daughter [[Shirley Douglas]], 1951{{source}}

* '''The greatest way to defend [[democracy]] is to make it work.'''
** Address, Saskatchewan Association of Rural Municipalities, Saskatoon, March 13, 1951.

* The inescapable fact is that when we build a society based on greed, selfishness, and ruthless competition, the fruits we can expect to reap are economic insecurity at home and international discord abroad.
** Annual Convention of the Saskatchewan CCF, Regina, July 1951.

* We must never underestimate our opponents; nor should we forget that the closer we come to reaching our objectives, the more vicious and forthright will their opposition become.
** Address, Provincial Convention, July 16, 1952.

* Those who want to burn books are either afraid of the ideas contained within the covers or they haven't the courage to stand up for the views which they themselves profess to hold.
** Speech, Saskatchewan Legislature, February 17, 1954.

*'''&quot;My friends, watch out for the little fellow with an idea.&quot; - Tommy Douglas 1961.''' [http://web.archive.org/web/20041020022338/http://www.cbc.ca/greatest/top_ten/nominee/douglas-tommy.html]
**Mes amis, surveillez bien les petites gens qui ont des idées [http://web.archive.org/web/20041029193928/http://www.cbc.ca/grandscanadiens/top_ten/nominee/douglas-tommy.html].

*'''I felt something like the man on the resurrection morning who was reading his own tombstone and said either someone is an awful liar or I'm in the wrong hole.'''
** August 3,1961, NDP Leadership Convention [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IFmD3U2s7tI].

*'''In [[Washington, D.C.|Washington]] they have their [[hawks]] and [[doves]] and in [[Ottawa]] we have our parrots.'''
**In response to Canadians policy on the Vietnam War, House of Commons, &quot;Debates&quot;, 13 February 1967.

*'''I am proud that my daughter believes, as I do, that [[Hunger|hungry]] children should be fed whether they are [[Black Panther Party|Black Panthers]] or [[White people|White]] [[Republican Party (United States)|Republicans]]'''&quot;
**Ottawa Journal, 5 October 1969.
[[File:TommyDouglas-c1971-crop.jpg|thumb|upright|Tommy Douglas, circa 1971]]

* We are not [[Anti-Americanism|anti-American]]. we do not dislike [[United States|Americans]] though we abhor [[American imperialism]] in all its manifestations. But then, so do many Americans. Many of them have said that even more forthrightly than we have, and many of them have suffered more than any of us for their plain speaking.
** April 21, 1971, NDP National Convention, Ottawa, Ontario.

* To accept the principle that &quot;[[Mao Zedong|all power proceeds from the barrel of a gun]]&quot; is to accept a society which will be dominated by those with the biggest guns.
** Speech delivered at Luther College, Regina, Saskatchewan, March 16, 1973.

*''' I went around to the little schoolhouses, talking like a professor, explaining our platform. We were lucky if the collection gave us enough for gas to get to the next place. We encouraged questions, and people asked us if it was true we were going to take their farms, like the Soviets in Russia, and did we believe in God.'''
** On his earliest political campaigning, quoted in ''Tommy Douglas'' (1983) by Doris French Shackleton, p. 68.

* Fascism begins the moment a ruling class, fearing the people may use their political democracy to gain economic democracy, begins to destroy political democracy in order to retain its power of exploitation and special privilege.
** as quoted in ''Straight Through the Heart: How the Liberals Abandoned the Just Society'' (Harper and Collins: 1995), p. 243.

* It's the story of a place called Mouseland. Mouseland was a place where all the little mice lived and played, were born and died. And they lived much the same as you and I do. They even had a Parliament. And every four years they had an election. Used to walk to the polls and cast their ballots. Some of them even got a ride to the polls. And got a ride for the next four years afterwards too. Just like you and me. And every time on election day all the little mice used to go to the ballot box and they used to elect a government. A government made up of big, fat, black cats. Now if you think it strange that mice should elect a government made up of cats, you just look at the history of Canada for last 90 years and maybe you'll see that they weren't any stupider than we are. Now I'm not saying anything against the cats. They were nice fellows. They conducted their government with dignity. They passed good laws--that is, laws that were good for cats. But the laws that were good for cats weren't very good for mice. One of the laws said that mouseholes had to be big enough so a cat could get his paw in. Another law said that mice could only travel at certain speeds--so that a cat could get his breakfast without too much physical effort. All the laws were good laws. For cats. But, oh, they were hard on the mice. And life was getting harder and harder. And when the mice couldn't put up with it any more, they decided something had to be done about it. So they went en masse to the polls. They voted the black cats out. They put in the white cats. Now the white cats had put up a terrific campaign. They said: &quot;All that Mouseland needs is more vision.&quot; They said:&quot;The trouble with Mouseland is those round mouseholes we got. If you put us in we'll establish square mouseholes.&quot; And they did. And the square mouseholes were twice as big as the round mouseholes, and now the cat could get both his paws in. And life was tougher than ever. And when they couldn't take that anymore, they voted the white cats out and put the black ones in again. Then they went back to the white cats. Then to the black cats. They even tried half black cats and half white cats. And they called that coalition. They even got one government made up of cats with spots on them: they were cats that tried to make a noise like a mouse but ate like a cat. You see, my friends, the trouble wasn't with the colour of the cat. The trouble was that they were cats. And because they were cats, they naturally looked after cats instead of mice. Presently there came along one little mouse who had an idea. My friends, watch out for the little fellow with an idea. And he said to the other mice, &quot;Look fellows, why do we keep on electing a government made up of cats? Why don't we elect a government made up of mice?&quot; &quot;Oh,&quot; they said, &quot;he's a Bolshevik. Lock him up!&quot; So they put him in jail. But I want to remind you: that you can lock up a mouse or a man but you can't lock up an idea!
** http://www.cbc.ca/player/Digital+Archives/Politics/Parties+and+Leaders/Tommy+Douglas/ID/1409090169/?sort=MostPopular

==References==
* Tommy Douglas Speaks, Edited by L.D. Lovick, Douglas &amp; McIntyre Vancouver, 1979, {{ISBN|0-88894-262-1}}.

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
*[http://www.sask-ndp.com/about/history/founding_people/history_tommy/ A Short Introduction to Tommy Douglas and his Government(1944-1960)]
*[http://www.saskndp.com/ Saskatchewan New Democratic Party]
*[http://archives.radio-canada.ca/politique/elections/dossiers/881/''Vidéo:''Les Archives de Radio Canada'' &quot;La Saskatchewan, berceau du socialisme canadien&quot;(Français)]
*[http://archives.cbc.ca/politics/parties_leaders/topics/851/ video: ''CBC Digital Archives'' &quot;Tommy Douglas and the NDP&quot; (English)]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2oUInTUlAM/ Youtube: ''Tommy Douglas on Future of Medicare (1983)'']
*[http://www.healthcoalition.ca/tommy.html/ The Future of Medicare]

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      <text bytes="16502" sha1="f0nspy3enr904hu29t139oodnh5bfr9" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Batman_returns_Logo_%282%29.png|thumb|&quot;Admiring your handiwork?&quot;&lt;br&gt;&quot;Touring the riot scene. Gravely assessing the devastation. 'Upstanding-Mayor' stuff.&quot;&lt;br&gt;&quot;You're not the Mayor.&quot;&lt;br&gt;&quot;Things change.&quot;&lt;br&gt;&quot;What do you want?&quot;&lt;br&gt;&quot;Ah, the direct approach. I admire that in a man with a mask. You don't really think you'll win, do you?&quot;&lt;br&gt;&quot;Things change.&quot;]]
[[File:Catwoman Las Angeles 2010.jpg|thumb|I am Catwoman, hear me roar!]]
{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Batman Returns|Batman Returns]]''''' is a [[w:1992 in film|1992]] American action comic book film that pits the Batman against the Penguin and Catwoman, both of whom have their own agendas and a past to resolve.
:''Directed by [[w:Tim Burton|Tim Burton]]. Written by [[w:Daniel Waters (writer)|Daniel Waters]]''
{{center/s}}'''The Bat. The Cat. The Penguin.''' [[#Taglines|taglines]]{{center/e}}

==The Penguin/Oswald Cobblepot==
* ''[to Max Shreck, after kidnapping him]'' Hi. I believe the word you're looking for is '''''&quot;AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!&quot;''''' Actually, this is all just a bad dream. You're at home in bed, heavily sedated, resting comfortably...''dying'' from the carcinogens you personally spewed in a lifetime of profiteering. Tragic irony, or poetic justice? You tell me.
* ''[to Shreck]'' Odd as it may seem, Max, you and I have something in common: we're both perceived as monsters. But somehow, you're a well-respected monster, and I am, to date, ''not!''
* ''[to Shreck]'' I wasn't born in the sewer, you know. I come from... ''[indicates to a broken skylight, then turns to Max]'' Like you! And like you, I want some respect! A recognition of my basic humanity! But most of all...I wanna find out who I am. By finding my parents, learning my human name. Simple stuff that the good people of Gotham take for granted!
* ''[about his parents]'' I was their number one son, and they treated me like [[w:defecation|number two]]. But it's human nature to fear the unusual. Perhaps, when I help my Tiffany baby rattle with a shiny flipper, instead of five chubby digits... they freaked.
* ''[to a crowd of voters]'' I may have saved the mayor's baby, but I refuse to save a mayor who stood by, helpless ''as'' a baby, while Gotham City was ravaged by a disease that turned eagle scouts into crazed clowns and happy homemakers into catwomen!
* Hey, why should I trust some cat-broad, anyway? Maybe you're just a screwed-up sorority chick who's gettin' back at her daddy for not buying her that pony when she turned sweet sixteen!
* ''[after Catwoman rejects him]'' Ya lousy minx! I oughta have you spayed! You sent out all the signals! And I don't think I like you anymore! ''[catches her neck in his helicopter umbrella and sends her flying]'' Goodbye, my unintended. Go to Heaven.
* You gotta admit, I've played this stinkin' city like a harp from Hell!
* ''[addressing his penguin army]'' My dear penguins, we stand on a great threshold! It's okay to be scared; many of you won't be coming back. Thanks to Batman, the time has come to punish ''all'' God's children! First, second, third ''and'' fourth-born! Why be biased?! Male and female! Hell, the sexes are equal, with their erogenous zones '''BLOWN SKY-HIGH!!! FORWAAAARD MARCH!!! THE LIBERATION OF GOTHAM HAS BEGUN!!!!!''' ''[the penguins start deploying]''
* They wouldn't put me on a pedestal, so I'm laying 'em on a slab!
* ''[fighting Batman]'' You're just jealous because I'm a genuine freak, and you have to wear a mask!

==Catwoman/Selina Kyle==
* I don't know about you, Miss Kitty, but I feel so much yummier.
* ''[after saving a woman from a mugger]'' You make it so easy, always waiting for some Batman to save you. I am Catwoman. Hear me roar.
* ''[falls into the back of a dump truck filled with gravel.]'' Saved by kitty litter... ''[looks at the burn mark left by Batman]'' Bastard.
* ''[to Penguin, rejecting his advances]'' I wouldn't touch you to scratch you.
* ''[when she and Bruce Wayne realize each other's secret identities]'' Oh my God...does this mean we have to start fighting?

==Dialogue==
:''[One of Penguin's men hands him a grimy Christmas stocking as he and Shreck start talking about what they can do together]''
:'''Penguin''': Ah, what have we here?... ''[takes out a flask, opening it and pouring an eerie green liquid out that dissolves a slab of stone]'' A batch of toxic waste, from your &quot;clean textile plant&quot;. There's a whole lagoon of this crud in the back! ''[sets aside flask]''
:'''Max''': That could've come from anywhere.
:'''Penguin''': What about the documents that prove you own half the firetraps in Gotham City?
:'''Max''': If there were such documents, and that's not an admission, I would have seen to it they were shredded.
:'''Penguin''': ''[grins]'' Good idea... ''[shows shredded papers stuck back together]'' A lot of tape and a little patience make all the difference. By the way, how's Fred Adkins, your old partner?
:'''Max''': Fred? Fred's actually...I believe he's on extended vacation. He's, uh, he's good.
:'''Penguin''': ''[chuckles sinisterly]'' &quot;Good&quot;... ''[pulls out a severed hand, goes into scary voice]'' &quot;Hiya, Max! Remember me?! I'm Fred's hand! Yeah, you wanna greet any other body parts?!&quot; ''[normal]'' Remember, Max: you flush it, I flaunt it.
:'''Max''': You know what, Mr...Penguin...sir? I think perhaps I could help orchestrate a little welcome-home scenario for you. And once we're both back home, perhaps we can help each other out.
:'''Penguin''': You won't regret this, Mr. Shreck. ''[shakes Max's hand with Fred's severed one and leaves Max holding it]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Security Guard 1''': Who is she?
:'''Security Guard 2''': ''What'' is she? I don't know whether to open fire or fall in love...
:'''Catwoman''': You poor guys. Always confusing your pistols with your privates. ''[disarms both guards with her whip]''
:'''Security Guard 1''': Don't hurt us, lady! Our take-home's less than $300!
:'''Catwoman''': You're overpaid. Hit the road!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Batman encounters the Penguin after fighting his gang]''
:'''Batman''': Admiring your handiwork?
:'''Penguin''': Touring the riot scene. Gravely assessing the devastation. Upstanding mayor stuff.
:'''Batman''': You're not the mayor.
:'''Penguin''': Things change.
:'''Batman''': What do you want?
:'''Penguin''': Ah, the direct approach. I admire that in a man with a mask! ''[laughs, then turns serious]'' You don't really think you'll win, do you?
:'''Batman''': Things change.
:''[Catwoman backflips out of a store towards them. They stare at her, momentarily nonplussed]''
:'''Catwoman''': Meow.
:''[The store explodes, and she slips away]''
:'''Penguin''': ''[to Batman]'' I saw her first. Gotta fly! ''[activates his helicopter umbrella and rises away, waving cheerfully]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Catwoman''': Did somebody say Fish? I haven't been fed this morning.
:'''Batman''': Eat floor. It'll be good for you; high in fiber.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After escaping from a botched rally, Penguin returns to his underground lair. The place is packed with penguins, who rush to greet him]''
:'''Penguin''': My babies...did you miss me?
:'''Red Triangle Thin Clown''': Great speech, Oswald!
:'''Penguin''': ''[punches him aside with his umbrella]'' MY NAME IS NOT OSWALD! IT'S ''PENGUIN!!'' I AM NOT A HUMAN BEING!!! I AM AN ANIMAL!!! COLD-BLOODED!!! CRANK THE A.C.!!! WHERE ARE MY LISTS?! BRING ME THE NAMES!!! ''[a henchman passes him some papers, which he gives to everyone]'' Ah! It's time...These are the names of the firstborn sons of Gotham City, just like I was. And like me, a terrible fate waits for them: tonight, while their parents party, ''they'll'' be dreaming away in their safe cribs, their soft beds. And WE WILL SNATCH THEM, CARRY THEM INTO THE SEWER, AND TOSS THEM INTO A DEEP, DARK WATERY GRAVE...!
:'''Red Triangle Fat Clown''':''[last words]'' Erm...Penguin? I mean, killing sleeping children...isn't that a little, uh...?
:'''Penguin''': ''[shoots clown with gun umbrella]'' No! It's a LOT &quot;uh&quot;! ''[kicks the dead henchman into the sewage river]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Bruce Wayne has come to Max Shreck's fancy-dress Christmas ball without a costume]''
:'''Max Shreck''': Ingenious costume, let me guess. Trust-fund goody-goody.
:'''Bruce Wayne''': Feeling good, huh? Yeah, well, you almost made a monster of the Mayor of Gotham City.
:'''Shreck''': I am the light of this city...and I am its mean, twisted soul. Does it matter who's Mayor?
:'''Wayne''': It does to me.
:'''Shreck''': ''Yawn''.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Penguin has crashed Max Shreck's Christmas ball]''
:'''Penguin''': You didn't invite me, so I crashed! ''[laughs]''
:'''Gotham Mayor''': What do you want?
:'''Penguin''': Right now, my troops are fanning out across town - for your children! ''[crowd gasps]'' Yes! For your first-born sons! The ones you left helpless at home, so you could dress up like jerks, get juiced, and dance...''BADLY!'' I've personally come for Gotham's favorite son, Mr. Chip Shreck! You're coming with me, you great white ''dope!'' To die, way down in the sewer!
:'''Max''': Not Chip! If you have an iota of human feeling, take me instead!
:'''Penguin''': ''[pretends to think for a moment]'' I don't. So no!
:'''Max''': I'm the one you want! Ask yourself. Isn't it Max Shreck who manipulated and betrayed you, eh? Isn't it Max, not Chip, who you want to see immersed to his eyeballs in ''raw sewage''?
:'''Penguin''': ''[reluctantly agrees]'' Okay, you've got a point. I'll let the little prince live for now. ''[hits Chip and gestures to Max]'' Now, in the duck!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Max''': ''[after being pulled out of the water by Catwoman]'' I don't know what you want, but I know I can get it for you, with a minimal fuss. ''[lashes her whip at him]'' Money. Jewels. A very big ball of string. ''[tries to run away]''
:'''Catwoman''': ''[captures him with her whip and pulls him back to her]'' Your blood, Max.
:'''Max''': My blood, I gave at the office.
:'''Catwoman''': A half-pint. I'm talking gallons.
:''[Batman comes in]''
:'''Max''': Let's make a deal. Now that I've got my blood, what I can do for you?
:'''Catwoman''': Sorry, Max. A die for a die.
:''[More exploding rockets and Batman comes flying into the scene]''
:'''Max''': ''[to Batman]'' You're not just saving a life, you're saving...
:'''Batman''': ''[pushes him away]'' Shut up. You're going to jail.
:'''Catwoman''': ''[to Batman]'' Don't be naīve! The law doesn't apply to people like him ''or'' us!
:'''Batman''': Wrong on both counts. Why are you doing this? Let's just take him to the police...then, we can go home...together. Selina... ''[Max is shocked]'' don't you see? We're the same. We're the same...Split right down the center. ''[pulls off his mask, revealing his identity as Bruce Wayne]'' Selina, please.
:'''Catwoman''': ''[choked up]'' Bruce...I would - I would love to live with you in your castle...forever, just like in a fairy tale. ''[Batman caresses the back of her head, but she claws him on the cheek]'' I just couldn't live with myself, so don't pretend this is a happy ending!
:'''Max''': Selina? ''[Catwoman faces him and takes off her mask]'' Selina Kyle? ''[pointedly]'' You're fired! ''[to Batman]'' And Bruce. Why are you dressed up like Batman?
:'''Catwoman''': Because he ''is'' Batman, you moron!
:'''Max''': ''[produces a gun]'' Was. ''[shoots Batman in the chest, knocking him down. Catwoman reacts to the shooting]'' Don't!
:'''Catwoman''': You killed me. The Penguin killed me. Batman killed me. That's three lives down - you got enough in there to finish me off?!
:'''Max''': ''[last words]'' One way to find out. ''[shoots Catwoman twice]''
:'''Catwoman''': ''[pretends to die, but laughs]'' Four...five... ''[swings whip around, then cracks it loudly]'' Still alive! ''[the shocked Max shoots her twice again]'' Six...seven...all good girls go to heaven... ''[Max fires the gun again, but it is empty; she laughs]'' Two lives left. I think I'll save one for next Christmas. ''[Batman gets up; unnoticed]'' But in the meantime...How about a kiss, Santy Claus? ''[kisses Schreck in the lips with a stun gun in between them while holding a live power line]''
:''[After an explosion, Batman clears away the debris to find Max dead and Selina gone. Penguin reaches for an umbrella, but the umbrella turns out to be a kiddie umbrella with stuffed animals]''
:'''The Penguin''': ''[last words]'' Ugh! Shit! ''[drops it]'' I picked the cute one! ''[gagging]'' The heat's getting to me...I'll murder you momentarily...but first, I need a cold drink of iced water... ''[gags, then falls and drops dead]''
:''[Six emperor penguins waddle up to the Penguin and slide his body into the water, as Batman watches mournfully]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Last lines; after Selina Kyle's apparent death]''
:'''Alfred Pennyworth''': ''[driving home]'' Well, come what may. Merry Christmas, Mr. Wayne.
:'''Bruce Wayne''': ''[sadly]'' Merry Christmas, Alfred. Good will toward men...and women.
:''[As they leave, the Bat-Signal appears in sky, which is then seen by Catwoman]''

==Taglines==
* The Bat. The Cat. The Penguin.

==Cast==
* [[Michael Keaton]] - [[w:Batman|Batman/Bruce Wayne]]
* [[w:Danny DeVito|Danny DeVito]] - [[w:Penguin (comics)|The Penguin/Oswald Cobblepot]]
* [[Michelle Pfeiffer]] - [[w:Catwoman|Catwoman/Selina Kyle]]
* [[Christopher Walken]] - [[w:Max Shreck (Batman Returns)|Max Shreck]]
* [[w:Michael Gough|Michael Gough]] - [[w:Alfred Pennyworth|Alfred Pennyworth]]
* [[w:Pat Hingle|Pat Hingle]] - [[w:James Gordon (comics)|Commissioner James Gordon]]
* [[w:Michael Murphy (actor)|Michael Murphy]] - the Mayor
* [[w:Vincent Schiavelli|Vincent Schiavelli]] - the Organ Grinder
* [[w:Andrew Bryniarski|Andrew Bryniarski]] - Charles &quot;Chip&quot; Shreck
* [[w:Cristi Conaway|Cristi Conaway]] - the Ice Princess

== About ''Batman Returns'' ==
* I just have all these memories of her — letting a live bird fly out of her mouth and learning to use the whip and jumping around rooftop sets in high heels. The work and just the performance were very, very impressive.
** [[w:Tim Burton|Tim Burton]], [http://herocomplex.latimes.com/movies/tim-burton-michelle-pfeiffers-catwoman-was-purr-fection Michelle Pfeiffer's Catwoman was purr-fection], ''LA Times'', 13 August 2012
* I think I upset McDonald's. [They asked] 'What's that black stuff coming out of the Penguin's mouth? We can't sell Happy Meals with that!'
* I think the studio just thought it was too weird — they wanted to go with something more child or family-friendly. In other words, they didn't want me to do another one.
** [[w:Tim Burton|Tim Burton]], [http://www.inquisitr.com/1704009/tim-burton-on-batman-returns/ 'I Think I Upset McDonald's With 'Batman Returns'], ''The Inquisitr New'', 25 December 2014
* We got to be back home [filming in Burbank] so that made me happy. It was quite the cast with Michelle Pfeiffer and Danny DeVito and everyone. It wasn't as satisfying to me when I saw it, but maybe that’s because the bar was set so high on the first one. I think I only watched it one time. I knew we were in trouble in talks for the third one when certain people started the conversation with 'Why does it have to be so dark?' 'Why does he have to be so depressed?' 'Shouldn't there be more color in this thing?' I knew I was headed for trouble and that it wasn't a road I was going to go down.
** [[w:Micheal Keaton|Michael Keaton]], [http://herocomplex.latimes.com/movies/michael-keatons-dark-memories-of-batman-and-shining-love-for-beetlejuice/ Dark memories of 'Batman' and shining love for 'Beetlejuice'], HeroComplex.latimes, 12 May 2011
* Remember, I came in when the audience was disturbed by Danny DeVito as the Penguin, and then Michelle Pfeiffer — which was still fabulous and maybe a little too S&amp;M for some people.
** [[w:Joel Shumacher|Joel Shumacher]] [http://www.forbes.com/sites/markhughes/2015/06/26/interview-joel-schumacher-talks-batman-forever-legacy/2/ Talks 'Batman Forever' Legacy In Exclusive Interview], ''Forbes'', 26 June 2015

==External links==
* {{Wikipedia-inline}}
* {{imdb title|0103776}}

{{Batman}}

[[Category:1992 films]]
[[Category:Comic book films]]
[[Category:Action films]]
[[Category:Batman films]]
[[Category:Christmas films]]
[[Category:Romance films]]
[[Category:1992 American films]]
[[Category:Films about revenge]]
[[Category:Films directed by Tim Burton]]
[[Category:Films about elections]]
[[Category:1990s English-language films]]</text>
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    <title>Shrek 2</title>
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      <comment>/* Dialogue */ added the muffin man scene quotes</comment>
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[[File:Shrek 2.png|thumb|]]
'''''[[w:Shrek 2|Shrek 2]]''''' is a [[w:2004 in film|2004]] [[w:animated film|animated film]] in which Princess Fiona's parents invite her and Shrek to dinner to celebrate her marriage, not knowing that the newlyweds are both ogres. It is a sequel to the [[Shrek|previous film]]. Produced by [[w:DreamWorks Animation|DreamWorks Animation]], streaming on [[w:Universal Pictures|Peacock]].
:''Directed by [[w:Andrew Adamson|Andrew Adamson]], [[w:Kelly Asbury|Kelly Asbury]], and [[w:Conrad Vernon|Conrad Vernon]]. Written by [[w:Andrew Adamson|Andrew Adamson]], [[w:Joe Stillman|Joe Stillman]], [[w:J. David Stem|J. David Stem]], and [[w:David N. Weiss|David N. Weiss]].''
{{center|'''Once Upon Another Time...'''([[#Taglines|taglines]])}}

== Shrek ==
* A cute, button nose? Thick, wavy locks? Taut, round buttocks? I'm-I'm... ''['''Jill''': Gorgeous.]''
* But I love her. ''['''Fairy Godmother''': If you really love her, you'll let her go.]''
* Nice catch, Donkey. ''['''Puss''': Finally. Good use for your mouth.]''
* There it is, Mongo, to the castle! ''[?]'' No, no, no, no, no, no, ?

== Puss in Boots ==
[[File:Puss in Boots, 2011, Australia-1.jpg|200px|thumb|Haha! Fear me if you dare!]]
* Who dares enter my room?
* You are told correct. But for this, I charge a great deal of money.
* Hmm. You have engaged my valuable services. Your Majesty. Just tell me where i can find this ogre.
* Haha! Fear me if you dare!
* Pray from mercy from Puss in Boots!
* Finally! A good use for your mouth.
* ''['''Guard''': Catnip.]'' That's, uh, not mine.

== Fiona ==
* Dear diary, Sleeping Beauty is having a slumber party tomorrow, but Dad says I can't go. He never lets me out after sunset. Dad says I'm going away for a while, must be like some finishing school or something. Mom says that when I'm old enough, my handsome Prince Charming will rescue me from my tower and bring me back to my family and, we'll all live happily ever after.

==Dialogue==
:''[first lines]''
:'''Prince Charming''': ''[his first words; narrating in his smoking, romantic, luscious, lustrous, regal, soothing and sexy voice]'' Once upon a time in a kingdom far, far away, the King and Queen were blessed with a beautiful baby girl, and throughout the land, everyone was happy...until the sun went down, and they saw that their daughter was cursed with a frightful enchantment that took hold each and every night. Desperate, they sought the help of a fairy godmother who had them lock the young princess away in a tower, there to await the kiss of the handsome Prince Charming. ''[the scene shows a tall slightly muscular Prince Charming in a a cuirass and armor with a Red cape riding on his white horse]'' It was he who would chance the perilous journey through blistering cold and scorching desert, traveling for many days and nights, risking life and limb to reach the Dragon's Keep. ''[he rides through a forest, snowy mountains and barren desert for several days,arrives at the Dragon's Keep, an ominous castle surrounded by a moat of lava, but sees that the wooden bridge leading across the lava was destroyed by the Dragon. Uses his bow to shoot a roped arrow to a wooden post on the other side and uses it as a zipline. Looks up at a tower that rises above the rest of the castle, a light shining from its window. He enters the Dragon's Keep]'' For he was ''the'' bravest, ''[takes off his helmet showing his drop-dead gorgeous pretty slim face, bewitching blue eyes, high cheekbones, fair skin, pronounced smashing jawline and strong chin, thick exquisite stunning blonde eyebrows, elegant graceful slender pointy nose and his lips covered in cherry flavored glitter lip gloss forming an alluring bonny winsome ravishing pulchritudinous irresistible and heavenly smile]'' and most handsome... ''[unties his hairnet and shakes in slow motion his Just washed and clean with shampoo and conditioner, beautiful, majestic, glossy, gorgeous, shiny, silky, lustrous, glorious, flowing, marvelous, wavy, smooth, soft and ricocheting neck length blonde hair]'' ...In all the land. And it was destiny that his kiss ''[sprays perfume in his mouth to have a good breath]'' would break the dreaded curse. He alone would climb to the highest room of the tallest tower to the princess's chambers, cross the room to her sleeping silhouette, pull back the gossamer curtains to find her... ''[continues through the abandoned castle and reaches the princess' tower. enters the princess' room and makes his way to her bed where a figure lays down, obscured by the bed's curtains, pulls the curtain and gasps; the figure is no princess--it's Big Bad Wolf.]'' 
:'''Big Bad Wolf''': What? 
:'''Prince Charming''': Princess... Fiona?
:'''Big Bad Wolf''': No!
:'''Prince Charming''': Oh, thank heavens. Where is she?
:'''Big Bad Wolf''': She's on her honeymoon.   
:'''Prince Charming''': Honeymoon? With whom?!

----
:'''Shrek''': It's so good to be home! Just you and me and...
:'''Donkey''': Two can be as bad as one...
:'''Shrek''': Donkey?
:'''Donkey''': Shrek! Fiona! Aren't you two a sight for sore eyes! Give us a hug, Shrek, you old love machine. And look at you, Mrs. Shrek. How 'bout a side of sugar for the steed?
:'''Shrek''': Donkey, what are you doing here?
:'''Donkey''': Oh, I was just taking care of your love nest for you!
:'''Shrek''': Oh, you mean like sorting the mail and watering the plants?
:'''Donkey''': Yeah, and feeding the fish!
:'''Shrek''': I don't have any fish.
:'''Donkey''': You do now. I call that one Shrek and the other Fiona. That Shrek is a rascally devil. Get your... ''[mumbling to the &quot;fish&quot;]''
:'''Shrek''': Oh, will you look at the time? I guess you'd better be going.
:'''Donkey''': Don't you wanna tell me all about your trip? Or how about a game of Parcheesi?
:'''Fiona''': Actually, Donkey, shouldn't you be getting home to Dragon?
:'''Donkey''': Oh, yeah, that. I don't know. She's been all moody and stuff lately. So I thought I'd move back in with you guys!
:'''Fiona''': Well, you know, we're always happy to see you, Donkey.  
:'''Shrek''': But Fiona and I are married now. We need a little time, you know, to be together. Just with each other. Alone.
:'''Donkey''': Say no more, say no more. You don't have to worry about a thing. I will always be here to make sure nobody bothers you.
:'''Shrek''': Donkey!
:'''Donkey''': Yes, roomie?
:'''Shrek''': ''You're'' bothering ''me.''
:'''Donkey''': Oh, okay, all right. Cool. Me and Pinocchio were just gonna try to catch a tournament anyway, so maybe I'll see y'all on Sunday for a barbecue or something. ''[heads outside]''
:'''Shrek''': He'll be fine. Now where were we? ''[realizes]'' Oh, I think I remember. ''[leans in to kiss Fiona, but suddenly sees Donkey in front of him]'' Donkey!
:'''Donkey''': I know, I know! Alone! I'm going! I'm going! Hey, what do you want me to tell those other guys?

----
:'''Messenger''': ''[swats Reggie with the scroll]'' Enough, Reggie. ''[unfolds the scroll]'' &quot;Dearest, Princess Fiona. You are hereby summoned to the Kingdom of Far, Far Away for a royal ball in celebration of your marriage at which time the King will bestow his royal blessing upon you ''[looks up to see Shrek]'' and your... uh... Prince Charming. Love, the King and Queen of Far, Far Away. ''[closes the scroll]'' aka, Mom and Dad.&quot;
:'''Fiona''': Mom and Dad?
:'''Shrek''': Prince Charming?
:'''Donkey''': ''[heads outside]'' Royal ball?! Can I come?
:'''Shrek''': We're not going.
:'''Fiona and Donkey''': ''[shocked]'' What?
:'''Shrek''': I mean, don't you think they might be a bit... shocked to see you like this?
:'''Fiona''': Well, they might be a bit surprised. But they're my parents, Shrek. They love me. And don't worry, they're gonna love you, too.
:'''Shrek''': Yeah, right. Somehow, I don't think I'll be welcome at the country club.
:'''Fiona''': Will you stop it? They're not like that.
:'''Shrek''': Then how do you explain Sergeant Pompous and the Fancy Pants Club Band?
:'''Fiona''': Oh, come on! You could at least give them a chance!
:'''Shrek''': Oh, to do what, sharpen their pitchforks?
:'''Fiona''': No, they just want to give you their blessing.
:'''Shrek''': Oh, great. Now I need their blessing?
:'''Fiona''': Well, if you wanna be a part of this family, yes!
:'''Shrek''': And ''who'' says I wanna be a part of this family?
:'''Fiona''': Um, ''you'' did, when you married ''me''!
:'''Shrek''': Well, there's some fine print for you!
:'''Fiona''': ''[sighs exasperatedly]'' So, that's it? You won't come?
:'''Shrek''': Trust me, it's a bad idea. We are not going, and ''that's final!''

----
:''[Shrek gulps at the dinner table. To his sides sits Lillian and Fiona, and across from him sits Harold. Lillian looks around nervously and Harold angrily stares at Shrek. Shrek, unsure of how to eat the food on his plate properly, plops it in his mouth, and grins with the food still stuck in his teeth. Lillian cringes. Fiona tries to sip her drink courteously]''
:'''Fiona''': ''[lets out a loud belch that interrupts a conversation]'' Oh! Excuse me.
:'''Shrek''': Better out than in, I always say. Eh, Fiona? ''[he and Fiona laughed]'' That's good enough... '' [they stopped laughing after neither Harold nor Lillian join in]'' I guess not.
:'''Donkey''': ''[from another room]'' What do you mean, &quot;not on the list&quot;? Don’t tell me you don’t know who I am. ''[bursts into the scene from the kitchen]'' Hey! What’s happening, everybody? Thanks for waiting. You know I had the hardest time finding this place. ''[sits next to Harold]''
:'''Harold''': ''[angrily]'' No, no! Bad Donkey! Bad, down!
:'''Fiona''': No, no, no, Dad! Dad! It’s all right! It’s all right. He’s with us. He helped rescue me from the dragon.
:'''Donkey''': Yup, that's me: the noble steed. ''[to the server]'' Hey, waiter! How ‘bout a bowl for the steed?
:'''Shrek''': Oh, boy. ''[slurps from the bowl]''
:'''Fiona''': Um, Shrek?
:'''Shrek''': Yeah? Oh, sorry! Great soup, Mrs Q. Mmm!
:'''Fiona''': No, no, no. Darling. ''[demonstrates that the bowl he ate from is for washing his hands]''
:'''Shrek''': Oh. ''[chuckles]''
:'''Lillian''': ''[as the rest does the same]'' So, Fiona, tell us about where you live?
:'''Fiona''': Well, Shrek owns his own land. ''[to Shrek]'' Don't you, honey?
:'''Shrek''': Oh, yes! It's in an enchanted forest abundant in squirrels and...cute little duckies and--
:'''Donkey''': What?! ''[laughs]'' I know you ain’t talkin' about the swamp!
:'''Shrek''': ''[clenches through his teeth]'' Donkey.
:'''Harold''': An ogre from a swamp. Oh! How original. ''[Donkey dunks his mouth in his bowl and drinks]''
:'''Lillian''': Well, I suppose that would be a fine place to raise the children...
:''[Harold starts choking on his drink and Shrek accidentally swallows his spoon. They both cough, choke and splutter until Shrek spits out his spoon onto the table.]''
:'''Shrek''': ''[chuckles]'' It's a bit early to be thinking about that, isn't it?
:'''Harold''': Indeed. I just started eating.
:'''Lillian''': Harold!
:'''Shrek''': What's that supposed to mean?
:'''Fiona''': Dad, it's great, okay?
:'''Harold''': Well, for his type, yes.
:'''Shrek''': ''[offended]'' ''My'' type?!
:'''Donkey''': ''[starts to leave, nervously]'' Uh, I gotta go to the bathroom.
:'''The Chef''': ''[he and a host of servers enter the room with dinner, including a whole turkey, lobster, and a roast pig]'' Dinner is-a served!
:'''Donkey''': ''[sits back down]'' Never mind, I can hold it. ''[The servers set the food on the table.]''
:'''The Chef''': Bon appetit!
:'''Donkey''': Oh, Mexican food! My favorite!
:'''Lillian''': Well, let's just not sit here with our tummies rumblin', everybody dig in.
:'''Donkey''': Don't mind if I do, Lillian!
:'''Harold''': ''[pulls the lobster towards himself before Donkey can take a bite out of it]'' So, I suppose any grandchildren I could expect from you would be--
:'''Shrek''': ''[pulls the turkey towards him]'' Ogres? ''Yes.''
:'''Lillian''': Not that there's anything wrong with that. Right, Harold?
:'''Harold''': Oh, no! No! Of course, not! That is, assuming you don't ''[ferociously and savagely stabs the knife into the lobster]'' ''EAT'' your own ''[ferociously and savagely slices open the lobster]'' ''YOUNG!''
:'''Fiona''': Dad!
:'''Shrek''': Oh, no, we usually prefer the ones who've been… ''[ferociously and savagely rips off both drumsticks from the turkey]'' ''LOCKED'' away in a tower! ''[ferociously and savagely takes a bite out of one drumstick in his left hand]''
:'''Fiona''': ''[begging]'' Shrek, please!
:'''Harold''': I only did that because I '''''love''''' her.
:'''Shrek''': Oh, aye! Daycare or dragon-guarded castle?! ''[ferociously and savagely pulls out a wish bone from the turkey]''
:'''Harold''': You wouldn't understand! You're not her father!
:''[Fiona sighs in exasperation and facepalms herself as Shrek and Harold continue to rip apart their food in ferocity and savagery, sending bits and pieces flying across the table.]''
:'''Lillian''': It's so nice to have the family together for dinner. ''[Shrek and Harold stand up from their seats in rage and glare at each other, then ferociously and savagely tug over the roast pig in the middle of the table, accidentally sending it flying upwards]'' Harold!
:'''Fiona''': Shrek!
:'''Shrek''': Fiona?!
:'''Harold''': Fiona!
:'''Fiona''': Mom!
:'''Lillian''': Harold!
:'''Donkey''': ''[happily]'' Donkey!
:''[The roast pig lands on the table in front of Donkey and Lillian with a thud; Fiona angrily stands up and glares at Harold and Shrek, then runs out of the room, causing Harold to become enraged and Shrek to sigh.]''

----
:'''Shrek''': Fiona? Fiona?! ''[barges into the room along with Donkey. Fairy Godmother gasps at Shrek]''
:'''Donkey''': Oh, you got a puppy?! All I got in my room was shampoo.
:'''Fiona''': Oh, um, Fairy Godmother, furniture, I'd like you to meet my husband, Shrek.
:'''Fairy Godmother''': ''[confused]'' Your husband? What did you say? When did this happen?
:'''Fiona''': Shrek is the one ''who'' rescued me.
:'''Fairy Godmother''': ''[angrily]'' But that can't be right!
:'''Shrek''': ''[wearily]'' Oh, great! More relatives!
:'''Fiona''': She's just trying to help.
:'''Shrek''': Good! She can help us pack. Get your coat, dear. We're leaving.
:'''Fiona''': What?!
:'''Donkey''': Leaving? I don't wanna leave.
:'''Fiona''': When did you decide this?
:'''Shrek''': ''[as he is packing]'' Shortly after arrivin'.
:'''Fiona''': ''[remorsefully]'' Look, I'm sorry...
:'''Fairy Godmother''': No, no, no, that's okay. I need to go anyway. But remember, dear, if you should ever need me, ''[whips out a &quot;Happiness&quot; business card]'' happiness is just a teardrop away.
:'''Shrek''': ''[snatches the &quot;Happiness&quot; card from Fairy Godmother; sarcastically]'' Thanks, but we've got ''all'' the happiness we need. Happy, happy, happy.
:'''Fairy Godmother''': So I see. ''[laughs in a not so good way]'' Let's go, Kyle. ''[Kyle whips the horses on the carriage and he and the Fairy Godmother leaves]''
:'''Fiona''': ''[sarcastically]'' Very nice, Shrek.
:'''Shrek''': What? I told you that comin' here was a bad idea.
:'''Fiona''': You could have at least tried to get along with my father.
:'''Shrek''': You know, somehow, I don't think I was going to get daddy's blessing, even if I did want it.
:'''Fiona''': ''[as a bichon Frise starts barking]'' Well, do you think it might be nice if somebody asked me what I wanted?
:'''Shrek''': Sure. Do you want me to pack for you?!
:'''Fiona''': You're unbelievable! You're behavin' like a... ''[hesitates and sighs]''
:'''Shrek''': Go on, say it!
:'''Fiona''': Like an ''OGRE!''
:'''Shrek''': Well, here's a newsflash for you: Whether your parents like it or not, I AM AN OGRE! ''[the puppy barks even louder; Shrek furiously roars at it, scaring the puppy, who covers it's face in fear]'' And guess what, Princess? That's '''''NOT''''' about to change.
:'''Fiona''': ''[sadly walks to the door]'' I've made changes for you, Shrek. Think about that. ''[leaves]''
:'''Donkey''': ''[deadpan]'' That's real smooth, Shrek. ''[imitating Shrek]'' ''I'M AN OGRE! UARGH!''
:''[Shrek walks to the door and hears Fiona sob from outside of the bedroom and sighs in guilt, realizing what he has done to hurt her feelings. The camera pans northeast to Harold and Lillian's room.]''
:'''Harold''': ''[after hearing Shrek and Fiona's argument]'' I knew this would happen!
:'''Lillian''': You should. You started it.
:'''Harold''': I can hardly believe that, Lillian. I mean, really, he's the ogre, not me.
:'''Lillian''': I think, Harold, you're taking this a little too personally. ''This'' is Fiona's choice.
:'''Harold''': Yes, but she was supposed to choose the prince ''we'' picked out for her! I mean, you expect me to give my blessings to this... this... thing?
:'''Lillian''': Fiona does, and she'll never forgive you if you don't. I don't want to lose our daughter again, Harold. ''[Harold sighs]'' Oh, you act as if love is totally predictable. Don't you remember when we were young and, oh, we used to walk down by the lily pond, and they were in bloom.
:'''Harold''': Our first kiss. IT'S NOT THE SAME! I don't think you realize that our daughter has married a MONSTER!
:'''Lillian''': Oh, stop bein' such a drama king.
:'''Harold''': ''[as Fairy Godmother's carriage approaches]'' Fine! Fine, pretend that there's nothing wrong! La-di-da, di-da, di-da! It's all wonderful! I like to know how could it get any worse!
:'''Fairy Godmother''': ''[opens the door]'' Hello, Harold.
:'''Harold''': ''[scared]'' Aaah!
:'''Lillian''': What happened?
:'''Harold''': ''[hesitantly]'' Uh, nothing! Nothing, dear! Just the old crusade wound playing up a bit! ''[chuckles]'' I’ll just stretch it out here for a while. ''[closes the balcony door]''
:'''Fairy Godmother''': You better get in. We need to talk.
:'''Harold''': Actually, Fairy Godmother, just off to bed. ''[yawns]'' Already taken my pills, and they tend to make me a bit drowsy. So, um how about… we make this a quick visit. What? ''[bumps into two of her henchmen, who then get him in the carriage]'' Oh, hello.

----
:'''Harold''': So, what's new?
:'''Fairy Godmother''': ''[to Harold]'' You remember my son, Prince Charming? ''[shows him sitting next to her]''
:'''Harold''': Charming! Is that you? My gosh, it's been years! When, uh... When did you get back?
:'''Prince Charming''': Oh, about five minutes ago, actually. ''[enraged]'' After I endured blistering winds, scorching desert, I climbed to the highest room of the tallest tower--
:'''Fairy Godmother''': ''[cuts him off]'' Tut, tut, tut. Mummy can handle this. ''[to King Harold, using the same tone he used earlier]'' He endures blistering winds and scorching desert! He climbs to the highest bloody room of the tallest bloody tower, and what does he find? Some gender-confused wolf telling him that ''his'' princess… '''''is already married!'''''
:'''Harold''': ''[stammers]'' I mean, it wasn't my fault; He didn't get there in time.
:'''Fairy Godmother''': '''''STOP THE CAR!''' [the carriage screeches to a stop]'' Harold... ''[two of her henchmen crack their knuckles as the window rolls down]'' You forced me to do something I '''''really''''' don't want to do.
:'''Harold''': ''[gasps]'' Where are we?
:''[It is revealed that the carriage has pulled up at a fast-food restaurant drive-thru.]''
:'''Fast-food Clerk''': ''[cheerfully]'' Well, hi there! Welcome to Friar's Fat Boy. May I take your order?
:'''Fairy Godmother''': My diet is ruined! I hope you're happy. ''[to the fast-food clerk]'' Uh, okay. Two renaissance wraps, no mayo... chili rings...
:'''Prince Charming''': I'll have the medieval meal.
:'''Fairy Godmother''': One medieval meal and, Harold, curly fries?
:'''Harold''': No, thank you.
:'''Fairy Godmother''': Sourdough soft taco, then? What do you want?
:'''Harold''': No, really. I'm fine.
:'''Fast-food Clerk''': ''[gives Fairy Godmother their meals]'' Your order, Fairy Godmother. ''[also gives her a free double-headed toy axe]'' And ''this'' comes with the medieval meal.
:'''Fairy Godmother''': ''[gives the axe to Charming]'' Here you are, dear. ''[the carriage flies away]'' You see, we made a deal, Harold, and I assume you don't want me to go back on my part.
:'''Harold''': ''[sighs deeply]'' Indeed not.
:'''Fairy Godmother''': So, Fiona and Charming ''will be together''.
:'''Harold''': ''[doubtfully]'' Yes.
:'''Fairy Godmother''': Oh, believe me, Harold. It's what's best, not only for your daughter,... ''[takes a bite of her wrap and talks with her mouth full]'' But for your kingdom.
:''[The carriage pulls up back at the castle and one of her henchmen shoves Harold out]''
:'''Harold''': Well, what am ''I'' supposed to do about it?
:'''Fairy Godmother''': ''[tosses the double-headed toy axe into his hands]'' Use your imagination. ''[flies off]''

----
:'''Harold''': Uh, no. You must be mistaking me for someone else. Uh, excuse me. I'm looking for the Ugly Stepsister. ''[said Ugly Stepsister reveals herself]'' Ah. There you are. Right. You see, I need to have someone taken care of.
:'''Ugly Stepsister''': Who's the guy?
:'''Harold''': Um, he's not a guy, per se, um, he's ''[whispers]'' an ''ogre''.
:''[The entire bar gasp at Harold saying &quot;ogre&quot;; the piano stops playing.]''
:'''Ugly Stepsister''': Hey, buddy, let me clue you in. There’s only one fellow who can handle a job like that, and, frankly… he don't like to be ''disturbed''.
:'''Harold''': Where could I find him? ''[heads to the backroom and knocks, slowly opens the door]'' Uh, hello? ''[sees a pair of black boots beside the shining window]''
:'''Puss in Boots''': ''[opens his eyes]'' Who dares enter my room?
:'''Harold''': Sorry. I hope I'm not interrupting anything. But I was told that you are the one to handle an ogre... problem.
:'''Puss in Boots''': You are told correct. ''[scoffs]'' But for this, I charge a great deal of money.
:'''Harold''': Would this be enough? ''[places a bag of coins on the table]''
:''[Puss in Boots stands up and raises his sword to slice off the string, causing gold coins to spill out of the sack.]''
:'''Puss in Boots''': Hmm. You have engaged my valuable services. ''[grins]'' Your Majesty. Just tell me: Where I can find this ogre?

----
:'''Puss in Boots''': ''[is an orange cat wearing black hat and cape]'' Ha-ha. Fear me, if you dare. ''[hisses]''
:'''Shrek''': Oh, look, a little cat.
:'''Donkey''': ''[sees the sword in Puss' paws]'' Look out, Shrek! He got a piece!
:'''Shrek''': It's a cat, Donkey. Come here little, kitty, kitty, kitty. Come on. Kitty. ''[Puss screeches and attacks Shrek and he screams]'' 
:'''Donkey''': ''[gasps in shock]'' Hold on, Shrek!
:'''Shrek''': GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! OH, GOD!
:'''Donkey''': Shrek, hold still! ''[kicks the Shrek's bottom and moans]'' Did I miss?
:'''Shrek''': ''[painfully]'' No, you got him.
:'''Puss in Boots''': ''[after he attacks Shrek]'' Now ye ogre! Pray for mercy from... ''[slashes &quot;P&quot; on the tree]'' Puss... in Boots!
:'''Shrek''': ''[groans]'' I'll kill that cat!
:'''Donkey''': No!
:'''Puss in Boots''': Ah-ha-ha-ha! ''[drops the sword, then starts heaves for a second, confusing Shrek and Donkey; spits out the hairball and coughs]'' Phew. ''[chuckles]'' Hairball.
:'''Donkey''': ''[disgusted]'' Oh, that is nasty!
:'''Shrek''': ''[picks up Puss by the back of the neck]'' What do you reckon we should do with him?
:'''Donkey''': I say we take the sword and neuter him right here; Give him the Bob Barker treatment!
:'''Puss in Boots''': ''[frightened]'' Oh, no! Por favor! Please! I implore you! It was nothing personal, Señor! I was doing it only for my family. My mother, she is sick. And my father lives off the garbage! The king offered me much in gold and I have a litter of brothers-
:'''Shrek''': ''[covers Puss' mouth with his finger]'' Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Fiona's father paid you to do this?
:'''Puss in Boots''': The rich king? Sí. ''[Shrek drops him to the ground, who screeches]''
:'''Shrek''': ''[sighs]'' Well, so much for Dad's royal blessing.
:'''Donkey''': Oh, come on, Shrek, don't feel bad. Almost everybody that meets you wants to kill you.
:'''Shrek''': ''[sits on the rock]'' Gee, thanks. ''[looks down at the river reflection and sighs]'' Maybe Fiona would have been better off if I were some sort of Prince Charming.
:'''Puss in Boots''': Sí, that's what the king said. ''[Donkey glares angrily]'' Oh, uh...sorry. I thought that question was directed at me.
:'''Donkey''': ''[walks over to Shrek]'' Shrek, Fiona knows you'd do anything for her.
:'''Shrek''': Well, it's not like I wouldn't change if I could. I just...I just wish I could make her happy. ''[pauses out; to Donkey]'' Hold the phone... ''[pulls out Fairy Godmother's business card]'' &quot;Happiness.&quot; ''[flips it over]'' &quot;A tear drop away.&quot; Donkey, think of the saddest thing that's ever happened to you!
:'''Donkey''': Oh, man, where do I begin? Well first there was the time that old farmer tried to sell me for some magic beans. I ain't never got over that. Then this fool went off and had a party and he had the guests trying to pin the tail on me. Then they got all drunk and start beatin' me with a stick going, &quot;Piñata! Piñata!&quot; What is a piñata, anyway?!
:'''Shrek''': No, Donkey, I need you to cry!
:'''Donkey''': Yeah, well don't go projecting on me! I know you're feelin' bad, but you gotta let your own- ''[Puss angrily stomps on his hoof]'' '''''OW!!!!!!!!!''''' ''[tearfully]'' You little hairy litter-licking sack of... ''[Donkey's tears shed and Shrek lets it drop onto the card, conjuring a bubble with Fairy Godmother in it]''
:'''Fairy Godmother''': ''[&quot;Voice Message&quot; Bubble forms after landing]'' What? Is it on? Is it on? ''[clears her throat]'' This is Fairy Godmother. I'm either away from my desk or with a client, but if you come by the office, we'll be glad to give you a personal appointment. Have a Happy Ever After! ''[the bubble pops]''
:'''Donkey''': Ohhh.
:'''Shrek''': Are you up for a little quest, Donkey?
:'''Donkey''': That's more like it! Shrek and Donkey, on another whirlwind adventure! ''[singing]'' Ain't no stoppin' us now! Whoo! We're on the move!
:'''Puss in Boots''': Stop, ogre! ''[bows to Shrek]'' I have misjudged you.
:'''Shrek''': Join the club. We've got jackets.
:'''Puss in Boots''': On my honor, I am obliged to accompany you until I have saved your life as you have spared me mine.
:'''Donkey''': I'm sorry, the position of annoying talking animal has already been taken. Let's go, Shrek! ''[sees Shrek walking to Puss]'' Shrek? ''[slightly pauses; Shrek looks down at Puss, who gives him a cute, helpless look; Shrek smiles]'' Shrek!
:'''Shrek''': Aw, come on, Donkey. Look at him; in his wee little boots. You know, how many cats can wear boots? Honestly. Aw, let's keep him!
:'''Donkey''': Say what?! ''[Puss purrs and Shrek marvels at his cuteness; groans in frustration]''
:'''Shrek''': Aw, listen. He’s purring!
:'''Donkey''': Oh, so now it's cute!
:'''Shrek''': Aw, come on, Donkey. Lighten up.
:'''Donkey''': Lighten up?! Oh, I should lighten up?! Look who's telling who to lighten up!

----
:''[Shrek, Donkey and Puss arrive at the Fairy Godmother's potion factory]''
:'''Shrek''': Hi. I'm here to see...
:'''Jerome''': The Fairy Godmother. I'm sorry, she is not in.
:'''Fairy Godmother''': ''[from the gramophone intercom]'' Jerome! Coffee and a monte Christo, now.
:'''Jerome''': ''[sighs]'' Yes, Fairy Godmother. Right away. ''[to Shrek]'' Look, she's not seeing any client today, okay?
:'''Shrek''': That's okay, buddy. We're from the union.
:'''Jerome''': The union?
:'''Shrek''': We represent the workers in all magical industries both evil and benign.
:'''Jerome''': Oh, oh, right.
:'''Shrek''': Are you feeling at all degraded or oppressed?
:'''Jerome''': Uh... ''[turns the gramophone intercom away from him]'' A little. W-We don't even have dental.
:'''Shrek''': ''[whispers to Donkey]'' They don't even have dental. ''[to Jerome]'' Okay, we're just gonna have a look around. Oh, by the way, I think it would better if the Fairy Godmother didn't know we were here. Know what I'm saying? Huh?
:'''Donkey''': Hmm?
:'''Shrek''': Huh?
:'''Donkey''': Huh? Huh?! '''''HUH?!?!'''''
:'''Shrek''': Stop it!
:'''Jerome''': Of course. Go right in.

----
:'''Fairy Godmother''': Ah, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh... &quot;Princess&quot;! ''Cinderella''. Here we are: &quot;Lived happily ever after.&quot; Oh. ''[fake chuckles]'' No ogres. Let's see. ''Snow White''. &quot;A handsome prince.&quot; Ah, no ogres. ''Sleeping Beauty''. Oh, no ogres. ''Hansel and Gretel''. No. ''Thumbelina''. No! ''The Golden Bird'', ''The Little Mermaid'', ''Pretty Woman''. No, no, no, no, NO! You see, ogres don't live happily ever after.
:'''Shrek''': Alright, look, lady!
:'''Fairy Godmother''': Don't you point those dirty green sausages at me! ''[pushes his finger out of her face]''
:'''Worker''': Your Monte Christo and coffee. Oh! Sorry.
:'''Shrek''': Ah, that's okay. We were just leaving. Very sorry to have wasted your time, Miss Godmother.
:'''Fairy Godmother''': Just… go.
:'''Shrek''': Come on, guys. ''[leaves]''

----
:'''Donkey''': Oh, yeah, you're right. I'm sure nice BM is the perfect solution for marital problems!
:'''Puss in Boots''': Elfa Seltzer.
:'''Shrek''': Uh-uh.
:'''Puss in Boots''': Hex Lax. 
:'''Shrek''': No. Try &quot;handsome&quot;.
:'''Puss in Boots''': Sorry, no handsome. ''[finds a blue potion bottle labeled; &quot;Happily Ever After&quot; in the restricted shelf]'' Hey, how about Happily Ever After?
:'''Shrek''': Well, what does it do? 
:'''Puss in Boots''': It says &quot;Beauty Divine&quot;.
:'''Donkey''': In some creatures, donkeys are revered as the wisest of all creatures. Especially us talking ones.
:'''Shrek''': Donkey! Then we'll have to. We got company. 
:'''Donkey''': Will you get on with this.
:'''Shrek''': Hurry! ''[Puss pulls the blue potion, but drops it]'' Nice catch, Donkey.
:'''Puss in Boots''': Finally! A good use for your mouth. ''[More colors of potions drop, the siren sounds, and the door begins to close.]''
:'''Shrek''': Come on!

----
:'''Prince Charming''': What?! Where is he, mum? ''[raises his sword due to the incident of Fairy Godmother's potion factory]'' I shall rend their heads from their shoulders! I will smite them where he stabs. He will rue the very day HE STOLE MY KINGDOM FROM ME!

----
:''[After escaping Fairy Godmother's potion factory]''
:'''Shrek''': ''[reading the potion bottle]'' &quot;Happily Ever After Potion. Maximum strength. &quot;For you and your true love. If one of you drinks this, you both will be fine. Happiness, comfort and beauty divine.&quot;
:'''Donkey''': ''[confused]'' You both will be fine?
:'''Shrek''': I guess it means it'll affect Fiona too. ''[opens the potion bottle]''
:'''Donkey''': Hey, man, this don't feel right. My donkey senses are tingling all over. So why don't you just drop that jug o' voodoo, and let’s get out of here.
:'''Shrek''': It says, &quot;beauty divine&quot;. How bad can it be? ''[sniffs the potion and sneezes]''
:'''Donkey''': A-ha! See, You're allergic to that stuff. You'll have a reaction. And if you think that I'll be smearing Vapor Rub all over your chest, think again!
:'''Puss in Boots''': Boss, just in case there is something wrong with the potion… allow me to take the first sip. It would be an honor to lay my life on the line for you.
:'''Donkey''': Oh, no, no. I don’t think so. If there'll be any animal testing, I’ll do it. That’s the best friend’s job. Now give me that bottle. ''[snatches the potion bottle from Shrek's hands with his mouth and starts drinking it, but Shrek snatches it back from Donkey]''
:'''Shrek''': How do you feel?
:'''Donkey''': I don't ''feel'' any different. Do I look any different?
:'''Puss in Boots''': You still look like an ass to me.
:'''Shrek''': Maybe it doesn't work on donkeys. Well, here's to us, Fiona.
:'''Donkey''': Shrek? You drink that, there's no going back.
:'''Shrek''': I know.
:'''Donkey''': No more wallowing in the mud?
:'''Shrek''': I know.
:'''Donkey''': No more itchy butt crack?
:'''Shrek''': I know!
:'''Donkey''': But you love being an ogre!
:'''Shrek''': ''I know!'' ''[sighs]'' But I love Fiona more. ''[starts chugging the potion]''
:'''Donkey''': Shrek, no! Wait! ''[Shrek swallows the potion, then feels his stomach gurglin'. Donkey and Puss hides behind the rock, then Shrek farts]'' Got to be... Shrek, I think you grabbed the &quot;Farty Ever After&quot; potion.
:'''Puss in Boots''': Maybe it's a dud.
:'''Shrek''': Or maybe Fiona and I were never meant to be.
:''[Dark storm clouds appear above Shrek, Donkey and Puss.]''
:'''Donkey''': Uh-oh. What did I tell you? I feel something coming on. I don't want to die. I don't want to die. I don't want to die! ''[rain starts pouring, soaking the trio and getting them wet]'' Oh, sweet sister, mother of mercy! '''I'm melting!''' '''''I'M MELTING!!'''''
:'''Shrek''': It's just the rain, Donkey.
:''[Donkey chuckles as they head to a barn for some shelter. The blue ooze from Shrek's sneeze reaction on the mushroom transforms into a flower rose.]''

----
:''[After Shrek, Donkey and Puss arrived at the barn for shelter for the night]''
:'''Donkey''': Shrek, don't worry. Things seem bad because it's dark and rainy and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you. ''[Puss hisses at him]'' It'll be better in the morning. You'll see. ''[sings, then gets dizzy]'' The sun'll come out... Tomorrow... Bet your bottom...
:'''Shrek''': Bet my bottom?
:'''Donkey''': [[w:Sanford and Son|I'm comin', Elizabeth!]] ''[faints]''
:'''Shrek''': Donkey? A-Are you all right?
:'''Puss in Boots''': Hey, boss. Let's shave him.
:'''Shrek''': ''[gets dizzy]'' D-Donkey...? ''[groans and faints and land on Puss’ tail as he yowls off-screen]''

----
:''[Later this morning, the Jill and maidens woke up]''
:'''Jill''': Good morning, sleepyhead.
:'''Maidans''': Good morning! We lover your kitty.
:'''Shrek''': Oh, my head.

----
:''[Fiona looks at the reflection, realizing she is a human again, and screams.]''
:'''Shrek''': Fiona!
:'''Fiona''': Shrek?

----
:''[the Fairy Godmother raises her wand and doors close, the Chest of Drawers blocks Shrek's way]''
:'''Talking Chest Drawer''': You wanna dance, pretty boy?

----
:'''Doris''': There you go, boys.
:'''Puss in Boots''': Just leave the bottle, Doris.
:'''Doris''': Hey, why the long face? 
:'''Shrek''': It was all just a stupid mistake. I never should have rescued her from that tower in the first place.
:'''Puss in Boots''': I hate Mondays.
:'''Donkey''': I can't believe you're just gonna walk away from the best thing that happened to you.
:'''Shrek''': What choice do I have? She loves that pretty boy, Prince Charming.
:'''Donkey''': Aw, come on, Shrek. Is he really that good-looking?
:'''Doris''': Are you kidding? He's gorgeous! He has a face that looks like it was carved by angels.
:'''Puss in Boots''': Oh, he sounds dreamy.
:'''Shrek''': You know, shockingly, this isn't making me feel any better. ''[sighs]'' Look, guys, it's for the best. Mom and Dad approve, and Fiona gets the man she's always dreamed of. Everybody wins.
:'''Donkey''': Except you. I don't get it, Shrek. You love Fiona.
:'''Shrek''': Aye. And that's why I have to let her go.
:'''Harold''': Um, excuse me. Is she here?
:'''Doris''': She's, uh, in the back.
:'''Harold''': Oh, hello again!

----
:'''Harold''': Fairy Godmother. Charming.
:'''Fairy Godmother''': Ugh, you'd better have a good reason for dragging us down here, Harold.
:'''Harold''': Well, I'm afraid Fiona isn't really... warming up to Prince Charming.
:'''Prince Charming''': Um, FYI, not my fault.
:'''Fairy Godmother''': No, no, of course it's not, dear.
:'''Prince Charming''': I mean, how charming can I be when I have to pretend that I'm that dreadful ogre?
:'''Harold''': No, no, it's nobody's fault. Perhaps it's best if we just call the whole thing off, okay?
:'''Fairy Godmother and Prince Charming''': ''[in unison; shocked]'' What?!
:'''Harold''': I mean, you can't force someone to fall in love!
:'''Fairy Godmother''': Oh, I beg to differ. I do it all the time. ''[pulls out the Love Potion 9 vial and hands it to Harold, and he takes it]'' Have Fiona drink this and she'll fall in love with the first man she kisses, which will be Charming.
:'''Harold''': Umm, no.
:'''Fairy Godmother''': What did you say?
:'''Harold''':  ''[stutters]'' I...I...I can't. I...I won't do it.
:'''Fairy Godmother''': Oh, yes, you will. If you remember, I helped you with your happily ever after. And I can '''''take''''' it away just as easily. ''[sticks her wand in his face]'' Is that what you want? Is it?
:'''Harold''': No.
:'''Fairy Godmother''': ''[puts down her wand]'' Good boy. Now, we have to go. I need to do Charming's hair before the ball. He's hopeless. Y'know he's all high in the front, he can never get to the back. You always need someone to do the back of your hair.
:'''Prince Charming''': Oh. Thank you, mother.
:'''Donkey''': ''[from outside the window; shocked]'' MOTHER?! ''[Fairy Godmother, Charming and Harold turn their heads fast to see Shrek, Donkey and Puss outside the window, hearing everything]''
:'''Shrek''': Um, Mary! A talking horse!
:'''Fairy Godmother''': ''[enraged]'' The ogre! ''[Shrek, Donkey, and Puss ride away from the Poison Apple; flies after them, telling the knights to get them] '''STOP THEM! THEIVES! BANDITS! STOP THEM!!!'''''

----
:'''Harold''': Darling? Ah, I thought I might find you here. How about a nice hot cup of tea before the ball?
:'''Fiona''': I'm not going.
:'''Harold''': But the whole kingdom’s turned out to celebrate your marriage.
:'''Fiona''': There's just one problem: That’s not my husband.''[sees Prince Charming]'' I mean, look at him!
:'''Harold''': Yes, he is a bit different, but people change for the ones they love you’d be surprised how much I change for your mother change.
:'''Fiona''': &quot;Change&quot;? ''[about Prince Charming]'' He's completely lost his mind.
:'''Harold''': Honey, why not come down to the ball and give him another chance? I mean, you might find you like this new Shrek.
:'''Fiona''': But it's the ''old'' one I fell in love with, dad!
:'''Harold''': Uh, honey, that’s mine. Decaf. Otherwise, I'm up all night.
:'''Fiona''': Thanks.

----
:'''Donkey''': ''[screaming]'' I GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE! YOU CAN'T LOCK US LIKE THIS! LET ME GO! What about my Miranda rights? You're supposed to say, &quot;You have the right to remain silent.&quot; '''*NOBODY SAID I HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT!!!*'''
:'''Shrek''': Donkey, you ''have'' the right to remain silent. What you lack is the capacity.
:'''Puss in Boots''': ''[camera shows just him]'' I must hold on before I, too, go totally mad.
:'''Pinocchio''': Shrek? Donkey?
:'''Puss in Boots''': ''[looks up to see fairy tale creatures above him]'' Too late.
:'''Shrek''': Gingy, Pinocchio, get us out of here!

----
:'''Shrek''': Quick, tell a lie!
:'''Pinocchio''': What should I say?
:'''Gingy''': Anything, but quick!
:'''Donkey''': Say something crazy, like, &quot;I'm wearing ladies underwear!&quot;
:'''Pinocchio''': I'm wearing ladies underwear.
:''[But nothing happens; he is telling the truth]''
:'''Shrek''': Are you?
:'''Pinocchio''': I most certainly am not! ''[his nose extends]''
:'''Mini Donkey''': It looks like you most certainly am are!
:'''Pinocchio''': I am not! ''[his nose extends more]''
:'''Puss''': What kind?
:'''Gingy''': It's a thong! ''[pulls at his pink thong and lets it slap back]''
:'''Pinocchio''': Ow! They're briefs!
:'''Gingy''': ''[takes the key and runs across Pinocchio's nose as it continues to extend with each denial]'' Are not!
:'''Pinocchio''': Are too!
:'''Gingy''' Are not!
:'''Pinocchio''': Are too!
:'''Gingy''': ''[reaches Shrek and uses the key to free Shrek, Donkey, and Puss]'' Alright, here we go. Hang tight.
:''[Shrek lands his feet on the cell floor, followed by Puss.]''
:'''Donkey''': Wait, wait, wait! Ow! Ow! Hey, hey, hey! ''[lands on his back on the cell floor]'' Ow! ''[Shrek looks at the Far Far Away palace from outside the window]''
:'''Blind Mouse''': ''[muffled; to Puss]'' Excuse me?!
:'''Shrek''': ''[hears a muffled voice]'' What? ''[sees the mouse's tail sticking out from Puss' mouth; shocked]'' Puss!
:'''Puss in Boots''': Hmm?
:'''Blind Mouse''': Pardon me? Would you mind letting me go?
:'''Puss in Boots''': ''[spits Blind Mouse out; sheepishly]'' Sorry, boss.
:'''Shrek''': Quit messing around! We've got to stop that kiss!
:'''Donkey''': I thought you were gonna let her go.
:'''Shrek''': I was, but I can't let him do this to Fiona.
:'''Donkey''': Boom! That's what I like to hear. Look who's finally coming around!
:'''Puss in Boots''': It's impossible! We'll never get in. The castle is guarded and there is a moat and everything!
:'''Gingy''': Well, folks, it looks like we're up chocolate creek without a popsicle stick. ''[pausing; Shrek looks at him]'' What?
:'''Shrek''': Do you still know the muffin man?
:'''Gingy''': Well, sure. He's down on Drury Lane. Why?
:'''Shrek''': Because we're gonna need flour. Lots and lots of flour.
----
:''[Shrek and Gingy arrive at the bakery, where Shrek knocks on the door. The muffin man opens the door.]
:'''Muffin Man''': ''[surpised]'' Gingy!
:'''Gingy''': Fire up the ovens, Muffin Man. We've got a big order to fill!
:''[cut to the outside of the bakery, thunder clapping is seen, and deep laughter is heard.]
:'''Gingy''': [[Frankenstein (1910 film)|IT'S ALIVE!]]
----
:''[Shrek and Donkey barged into the ball to rescue Fiona.]''
:'''Shrek''': Stop! ''[to Charming]'' Hey, ''you!'' Back away from ''my'' wife!
:'''Fiona''': ''[puzzled]'' Shrek? ''[Everyone gasps]''
:'''Fairy Godmother''': ''You'' couldn't just go back to ''your'' swamp and ''leave'' well enough alone!
:'''Shrek''': ''[to the three little pigs]'' NOW!

----
:'''Fairy Godmother''': Harold! You were supposed to give her the potion!
:'''Harold''': Well, I guess I gave her the wrong tea.
:'''Prince Charming''': ''[his last words]'' Mommy ''[grabs the wand from Puss and throws to Fairy Godmother]''
:'''Fiona''': Mommy?
:'''Fairy Godmother''': ''[catches her wand and growls; last and final words before her defeat]'' I told you, ogres don't live ''HAPPILY EVER '''AFTER!'''''
:'''Lillian''': Harold!
:'''Fiona''': Shrek!
:'''Harold''': ''NO!'' ''[a transformation into a frog zaps his armor. Floats way up, checking to make sure and raises her wand, then disappears, turning into an explosion burst bubbles, only leaving her wand and her broken glasses that fell on the ground]''
:'''Fiona''': Oh, Dad! ''[cries]''
:'''Pinocchio''': Is he...
:'''Gingy''': Yep. :''[a frog ribbit is heard]'' He croaked.
:'''Lillian''': Harold?
:'''Fiona''': Dad?
:'''Harold''': I'd hoped you'd never see me like this.
:'''Donkey''': Yeah, and he gave you a hard time.
:'''Shrek''': Donkey!
:'''Harold''': No, no, he's right. I'm sorry to both of you. I only wanted what was best for Fiona. But now I can see she finally has it. Shrek, Fiona, will you accept an old frog's apologies and my blessing?

----
:''[The clock strucks midnight]''
:'''Puss in Boots''': Boss! The Happily Ever After potion!
:'''Shrek''': Midnight! Fiona. Is this what you want? To be this way forever?
:'''Fiona''': What?
:'''Shrek''': Because if you kiss me now... we can stay like this.
:'''Fiona''': You'd do that? For me?
:'''Shrek''': Yes.
:'''Fiona''': I want what any princess wants. To live happily ever after... ''[Shrek starts to lean a little closer to kiss her, but she puts her hand on his mouth]'' With the ogre I married. ''[Shrek smiles]''
:'''Puss in Boots''': Whatever happens, I must not cry! You cannot make me cry! ''[starts to sob quietly]''
:''[Shrek and Fiona hold there hands and the levitate, and Donkey too. They begin to glow blue, suddenly, the blue glow turns gold, Lillian, Harold and the Fairytale Creatures watches Shrek, Fiona, Donkey break the spell. Shrek, Fiona, Donkey goes down to the ground]''
:'''Gingy''': Wow!

----
:''[last lines; post credits]''
:'''Donkey''': ''[singing]'' [[w:All by Myself|All by myself, Don't wanna be all by myself... anymore]]
:'''Puss in Boots''': ''[enters with two ladies]'' ''Amigo.'' We are off to the [[w:Kit Kat|Kit Kat]] club. Come on, join us.
:'''Donkey''': Thanks, compadre. I'm... I'm not in the mood.
:'''Puss in Boots''': We will cheer you up! Find you a nice burro! ''[a roar is heard]''
:'''Donkey''': ''[delighted]'' Hey, baby! ''[the Dragon from the [[Shrek|first film]] flies in the scene.]'' Hey, that's my girl! Yeah! All right! Baby, where you been? ''[Dragon cries]'' I’m sorry, too. I should've stayed. But Shrek had this thing he had to do. What? Say it one more time. What you talking about? Are you serious? ''[a baby dronkey flies in]''
:'''Dronkey''': Papa!
:'''Donkey''': '''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!''''' ''[One breathes fire which Donkey avoids, the baby dronkeys fly in to hug him. Donkey laughs.]'' Look at our little mutant babies! ''[the Dragon blows a pink heart-shaped smoke, the scene cuts to black.]'' I gotta get a job.

==''Far Far Away Idol''==
:'''[[Simon Cowell]]''': You're on fire, Donkey.
:'''Shrek''': No, you're really on fire!
----
:'''Simon Cowell''': Come on, get real, Pinocchio.
:'''Shrek''': I find his performance quite wooden, actually. ''[laughs]'' Wooden.
----
:'''Simon Cowell''': ''[as Fiona plants a floor trap on Prince Charming while Shrek holds the red button]'' That's the artist formally known as Prince Charming.
----
:'''Fiona''': ''[watching Gingy &amp; Tinker Bell dance and form a tune to The Archies &quot;Sugar&quot;]'' They're so sweet together.
:'''Simon Cowell''': I just knew you'd say that, Fiona. ''[groans]'' What's next, a singing donut?
----
:'''Simon Cowell''': The cat's got my tongue, and possibly my vote. ''[notices Shrek and Fiona are not in their seats]'' Ugh. Always breaking the rules!

==Cast==
* [[w:Mike Myers|Mike Myers]] — [[w:Shrek (character)|Shrek]] (speaking voice)
** [[w:Michael Gough|Michael Gough]] – [[w:Shrek (character)|Shrek]] (singing voice)
* [[Eddie Murphy]] — [[w:Donkey (Shrek)|Donkey]]
* [[Cameron Diaz]] — [[w:Princess Fiona|Princess Fiona]]
* [[Julie Andrews]] — Queen Lillian
* [[w:Antonio Banderas|Antonio Banderas]] — [[w:Puss in Boots (Shrek)|Puss in Boots]]
* [[John Cleese]] — King Harold
* [[Rupert Everett]] — Prince Charming
* [[w:Jennifer Saunders|Jennifer Saunders]] — [[w:Fairy Godmother (Shrek)|The Fairy Godmother]]
* [[Frank Welker]] — [[w:Dragon (Shrek)|Dragon]], Dronkeys
* [[w:Aron Warner|Aron Warner]] — Big Bad Wolf
* [[w:Cody Cameron|Cody Cameron]] — Pinocchio, Three Pigs
* [[w:Conrad Vernon|Conrad Vernon]] — Gingy, Muffin Man, Mongo
* [[w:Christopher Knights|Chris Knights]] — Blind Mouse
* [[Larry King]] — Ugly Stepsister
* [[w:Chris Miller (animator)|Chris Miller]] — Magic Mirror
* [[Joan Rivers|Joan Rivers — Herself]]

== See also ==
* ''[[Shrek]]''
* ''[[Shrek the Third|Shrek 3]]''
* ''[[Shrek Forever After|Shrek 4]]''
* ''[[Puss in Boots (2011 film)|Puss in Boots]]''
* ''[[Puss in Boots: The Last Wish|Puss in Boots 2: The Last Wish]]''

==Taglines==
* In Summer 2004, They're Back for More.
* Once Upon Another Time...
* Not So Far, Far Away.

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0298148|title=Shrek 2}}

{{Shrek}}
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[[Category:American sequel films]]
[[Category:Shrek]]
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    <title>Margaret Atwood</title>
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      <comment>±[[Category:Women authors]]→[[Category:Women authors from Canada]]; ±[[Category:Activists from Canada]]→[[Category:Women activists from Canada]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]]</comment>
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      <text bytes="53971" sha1="elzd2n8imrtg1p6rw0vb74uhaj7nj7y" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Atwood123.jpg|thumb|The fabric of [[democracy]] is always fragile everywhere because it depends on the [[will]] of [[citizens]] to protect it, and when they become scared, when it becomes dangerous for them to defend it, it can go very quickly.]]

'''[[w:Margaret Atwood|Margaret Eleanor Atwood]]''' (born [[18 November]] [[1939]]) is a Canadian novelist, poet, and literary critic.

== Quotes ==
[[File:Brighter Rainbow Heart.svg|thumb|The Eskimo has fifty-two names for [[snow]] because it is important to them; there ought to be as many for [[love]].]]
[[File:Lululaund - The Dancing Girl (painting and silk cloth. A.L. Baldry 1901, before p.107).jpg|thumb|I would rather [[dance]] as a ballerina, though faultily, than as a flawless [[clown]].]]
[[File:Margaret Atwood Eden Mills Writers Festival 2006.jpg|thumb|[[War]] is what happens when [[language]] fails.]]

* &quot;Well, maybe I'm a latent [[homosexual]].&quot; He considered that for a moment. &quot;Or maybe I'm a latent [[heterosexual]]. Anyway, I'm pretty latent. I don't know why. Of course, I've taken a number of stabs at it, but then I start thinking about the futility of it all and I give up. Maybe it's because you're [[expected]] to do something and after a certain point all I want to do is lie there and stare at the ceiling.&quot;
** ''[[w:The Edible Woman|The Edible Woman]]'' (1969)

* '''The Eskimo has fifty-two names for [[snow]] because it is important to them; there ought to be as many for [[love]].'''
** ''[[w:Surfacing (novel)|Surfacing]]'' (1972) p. 107
** Variant: The Eskimos had 52 names for snow because it was important to them; there ought to be as many for love.
** The premise for this quote is now known to be a [[wikipedia:Eskimo_words_for_snow|linguistic myth]] stemming from the early 20th century work of [[Franz Boas]]. This quote by Atwood has been cited as an example of the [https://books.google.ca/books/about/White_Lies_about_the_Inuit.html?id=i-osjdNH3g8C perpetuation of this myth].
** Note: The word &quot;Eskimo&quot; has come to be considered offensive, especially in Canada. The term is still used worldwide by historians and archaeologists. Source: [https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/Eskimo#Usage_notes Wikiquote].

* A divorce is like an amputation; you survive, but there’s less of you.
** ''Time'' magazine (19 March 1973)

* '''I would rather [[dance]] as a ballerina, though faultily, than as a flawless [[clown]].'''
** ''[[w:Lady Oracle|Lady Oracle]]'' (1976)

* He's just a contact of hers, which is not the same as a [[friend]]. While she was in the hospital she decided that most of her friends were really just contacts.
** ''[[w:Bodily Harm (novel)|Bodily Harm]]'' (1981)

* He had that faint [[sick]] look in his eyes, as if he wanted to give her something, [[charity]] for instance.
** ''Bodily Harm'' (1981)

* The policemen's faces glisten too, they're holding themselves back, they love this, it's a [[ceremony]], they're implementing a [[policy]].
** ''Bodily Harm'' (1981)

* '''&quot;Why do [[men]] [[feel]] threatened by [[women]]?&quot;''' I asked a male friend of mine. (I love that wonderful rhetorical device, &quot;a male friend of mine.&quot; It's often used by female journalists when they want to say something particularly bitchy but don't want to be held [[responsible]] for it themselves. It also lets people know that you ''do'' have male friends, that you aren't one of those fire-breathing mythical monsters, The Radical Feminists, who walk around with little pairs of scissors and kick men in the shins if they open doors for you. &quot;A male friend of mine&quot; also gives — let us admit it — a certain weight to the [[opinions]] expressed.) So this male friend of mine, who does by the way exist, conveniently entered into the following dialogue. &quot;I mean,&quot; I said, &quot;men are bigger, most of the time, they can run faster, strangle better, and they have on the average a lot more [[money]] and [[power]].&quot; '''&quot;They're afraid women will [[laugh]] at them,&quot;''' he said. &quot;Undercut their world view.&quot; Then I asked some women students in a quickie [[poetry]] seminar I was giving, '''&quot;Why do women feel threatened by men?&quot; &quot;They're [[afraid]] of being [[killed]],&quot;''' they said.
:* ''Writing the Male Character'', a Hagey Lecture at the University of Waterloo (9 February 1982); reprinted in [http://books.google.com/books?id=NtB8oW9kXNYC&amp;lpg=PA7&amp;dq=Second%20Words%3A%20Selected%20Critical%20Prose&amp;pg=PA413#v=onepage&amp;q=Second%20Words%3A%20Selected%20Critical%20Prose&amp;f=false ''Second Words: Selected Critical Prose'' (1982), p. 413]. Paraphrases of such expressions have provided them wider exposure; [[w:Gavin De Becker|Gavin De Becker]] later stated in [[w:The Gift of Fear|''The Gift of Fear: And Other Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence'' (1997)]] &quot;It is understandable that the perspectives of men and women on safety are so different — men and women live in different worlds. '''I don’t remember where I first heard this simple description of one dramatic contrast between the genders, but it is strikingly accurate: At core, men are afraid women will laugh at them, while at core, women are afraid men will kill them.'''&quot;

* '''Another [[belief]] of mine: that everyone else my age is an adult, whereas I am merely in disguise.'''
** ''[[w:Cat's Eye (novel)|Cat's Eye]]'' (1988)

* '''[[Time]] is not a line but a dimension, like the dimensions of [[space]].'''
** ''Cat's Eye'' (1988)

*An [[eye]] for an eye only leads to more [[blindness]].
** ''Cat's Eye'' (1988)

* Roughing it builds a boy's character, but only certain kinds of roughing it.
** ''Wilderness Tips'' (1991)

* '''[[War]] is what happens when [[language]] fails.'''
** ''[[w:The Robber Bride|The Robber Bride]]'' (1993), Ch. 6

* Male fantasies, male fantasies, is everything run by male fantasies? Up on a pedestal or down on your knees, it's all a male fantasy: that you're strong enough to take what they dish out, or else too weak to do anything about it. Even pretending you aren't catering to male fantasies is a male fantasy: pretending you're unseen, pretending you have a life of your own, that you can wash your feet and comb your hair unconscious of the ever-present watcher peering through the keyhole, peering through the keyhole in your own head, if nowhere else. You are a woman with a man inside watching a woman. You are your own voyeur.
** ''The Robber Bride''

* I am certain that a Sewing Machine would relieve as much [[human]] [[suffering]] as a hundred Lunatic Asylums, and possibly a good deal more.
** ''[[w:Alias Grace|Alias Grace]]'' (1996)

* I'm working on my own life story. I don't mean I'm putting it together; no, I'm taking it apart.
** ''The Tent'' (2006)

*I can tell you that once upon a time when I was doing public events people would ask me, &quot;What do you think about the [[arts]]?, What do you think of the role of women?, What do you think of men?, What do you think of all of these things?&quot;, and now they ask one thing, and that one thing is this, &quot;Is there [[hope]]?&quot;
**[http://www.vformation.tv/Site/Margaret_Atwood.html ''Turning Pages: The Life and Literature of Margaret Atwood''] (September 13, 2007) Official television documentary credited on http://www.margaretatwood.ca/books_on.php

* I plunged in, and set up a Twitter account. My first problem was that there were already two Margaret Atwoods on Twitter, one of them with my picture. This grew; I gave commands; then all other Margaret Atwoods stopped together. I like to think they were sent to a nunnery, but in any case they disappeared. The Twitterpolice had got them. I felt a bit guilty.
** [http://blogs.nybooks.com/post/482335188/atwood-in-the-twittersphere &quot;Atwood in the Twittersphere&quot;, ''The New York Review of Books'' (29 March 2010)]

* I soon had a few thousand people I didn’t know sending me messages like “OMG! Is it really you?” “I love it when old ladies blog,” one early follower remarked. … and they really shone when, during the Olympics, I said that &quot;Own the podium&quot; was too brash to be Canadian, and suggested &quot;A podium might be nice.&quot; Their own variations poured onto a feed tagged #cpodium: &quot;A podium! For me?&quot; &quot;Rent the podium, see if we like it.&quot; &quot;Mind if I squeeze by you to get onto that podium?&quot; I was so proud of them! It was like having 33,000 precocious grandchildren!
** &quot;Atwood in the Twittersphere&quot;, ''The New York Review of Books'' (29 March 2010)

* [In the end] ''[[w:The Handmaid’s Tale|The Handmaid's Tale]]'' came true and [[w:Danielle Smith|Danielle Smith]] found herself with a nice new blue dress but no job.
** In response to [[w:Book_censorship_in_Canada#Alberta_Public_Schools|Alberta's school book ban]], as quoted in [https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/edmonton/alta-library-books-1.7622459 ''Canadian author Margaret Atwood takes another shot at Alberta's book ban with satirical story'', [[w:Canadian Broadcasting Corporation|CBC]] (1 September 2025)]

=== ''Selected Poems 1965-1975'' (1976) ===
* &lt;p&gt;'''The [[weapons]] &lt;br /&gt; that were once outside &lt;br /&gt; sharpening themselves on [[war]] &lt;br /&gt; are now indoors &lt;br /&gt; there, in the fortress, &lt;br /&gt; fragile &lt;br /&gt; in glass cases'''; &lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt; Why is it &lt;br /&gt; (I’m thinking &lt;br /&gt; of the careful moulding &lt;br /&gt; round the stonework archways) &lt;br /&gt; that in this time, such &lt;br /&gt; elaborate defences keep &lt;br /&gt; things that are no longer &lt;br /&gt; (much) &lt;br /&gt; worth defending?&lt;/p&gt;
** &quot;The circle game&quot;

* '''Your righteous eyes, your laconic &lt;br /&gt; trigger-fingers &lt;br /&gt; people the streets with villains: &lt;br /&gt; as you move, the air in front of you &lt;br /&gt; blossoms with targets'''&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;'''and you leave behind you a heroic &lt;br /&gt; trail of desolation''': &lt;br /&gt; beer bottles &lt;br /&gt; slaughtered by the side &lt;br /&gt; of the road, bird- &lt;br /&gt; skulls bleaching in the sunset.&lt;/p&gt;
** &quot;Backdrop addresses cowboy&quot; (1974)

* &lt;/p&gt;'''I am the horizon &lt;br /&gt; you ride towards, the thing you can never lasso'''&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt; I am also what surrounds you: &lt;br /&gt; my brain &lt;br /&gt; scattered with your &lt;br /&gt; tincans, bones, empty shells, &lt;br /&gt; the litter of your invasions.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt; I am the space you desecrate &lt;br /&gt; as you pass through.&lt;/p&gt;
** &quot;Backdrop addresses cowboy&quot; (1974)

* &lt;p&gt;When you hear me singing &lt;br /&gt; you get the rifle down &lt;br /&gt; and the flashlight, aiming for my brain, &lt;br /&gt; but you always miss &lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt; and when you set out the poison &lt;br /&gt; I piss on it &lt;br /&gt; to warn the others.&lt;/p&gt;
** [http://www.poetryfoundation.org/archive/poem.html?id=21984 &quot;Rat Song&quot;] (1974)

* I am yours. If you feed me garbage, &lt;br /&gt; I will sing a song of garbage. &lt;br /&gt; This is a hymn.
** [http://www.poetryfoundation.org/archive/poem.html?id=21982 &quot;Pig Song&quot;]

* &lt;p&gt;'''In view of the fading animals &lt;br /&gt; the proliferation of sewers and fears &lt;br /&gt; the sea clogging, the air &lt;br /&gt; nearing extinction'''&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt; '''we should be kind, we should &lt;br /&gt; take warning, we should forgive each other'''&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt; '''Instead we are opposite, we &lt;br /&gt; touch as though attacking,'''&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt; '''the gifts we bring &lt;br /&gt; even in good faith maybe &lt;br /&gt; warp in our hands to &lt;br /&gt; implements, to manoeuvres'''&lt;/p&gt;
** [http://www.poetryfoundation.org/archive/poem.html?id=177292 &quot;They are hostile nations&quot;]

* &lt;p&gt;In restaurants we argue &lt;br /&gt; over which of us will pay for your funeral&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt; though the real question is &lt;br /&gt; whether or not I will make you immortal.&lt;/p&gt;
** &quot;They eat out&quot;

=== ''[[w:The Handmaid’s Tale|The Handmaid’s Tale]]'' (1985) ===
[[File:Gilead-Flag.gif|thumb|[[Tell]], rather than [[write]], because I have [[nothing]] to write with and writing is in any case forbidden. But if it’s a [[story]], even in my head, I must be telling it to someone.]]
[[File:George Orwell, Octavia Butler, and Margaret Atwood Warned Us (34078351001).jpg|thumb|Ignoring isn’t the same as [[ignorance]], you have to [[work]] at it.]]
[[File:Margaret-Atwood 19.10.2009.jpg|thumb|As [[all]] [[historians]] [[know]], the [[past]] is a [[great]] [[darkness]], and filled with echoes. [[Voices]] may reach us from it; but what they say to us is imbued with the obscurity of the matrix out of which they come; and, try as we may, we cannot always decipher them precisely in the clearer light of our own day.]]
:&lt;small&gt; All page numbers from the trade paperback edition published by Anchor Books &lt;/small&gt;

* There is more than one kind of [[freedom]], said Aunt Lydia. Freedom to and freedom from. In the days of [[anarchy]], it was freedom to. Now you are being given freedom from. Don't underrate it.
** Chapter 5 (p. 24)

* Tell, rather than write, because I have nothing to write with and writing is in any case forbidden. But if it’s a story, even in my head, I must be telling it to someone. You don’t tell a story only to yourself. There’s always someone else. &lt;br /&gt; Even when there is no one.
** Chapter 7 (pp. 39-40)

* ''Nolite te bastardes carborundorum.''
** '''Do not let the bastards grind you down.'''
** Chapter 9 (p. 52)

* '''Ignoring isn’t the same as [[ignorance]], you have to [[work]] at it.'''
** Chapter 10 (p. 56)

* You must cultivate poverty of [[spirit]]. [[Blessed]] are the meek. She didn’t go on to say anything about inheriting the earth.
** Chapter 12 (p. 64)

* These pictures were supposed to be erotic, and I thought they were, at the time; but I see now what they were really about. They were paintings about suspended animation; about waiting, about objects not in use. They were paintings about boredom. But maybe boredom is erotic, when women do it, for men. 
** Chapter 13 

* The sitting room is subdued, symmetrical; it’s one of the shapes money takes when it freezes.
** Chapter 14 (p. 79)

* ''Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted.'' &lt;br /&gt; Nobody said when.
** Chapter 15 (p. 89)

* [[Sanity]] is a valuable possession; I hoard it the way people once hoarded money. I save it, so I will have enough, when the time comes.
** Chapter 19 (p. 109)

* '''A man is just a woman’s strategy for making other women.'''
** Chapter 20 (p. 121)

* You can think clearly only with your clothes on.
** Chapter 24 (p. 143)

* He was not a monster, to her. Probably he had some endearing trait: he whistled, off key, in the shower, he had a yen for truffles, he called his dog Liebchen and made it sit up for little pieces of raw steak. How easy it is to invent a humanity, for anyone at all. 
** Chapter 24

* I'll take care of it, Luke said. And because he said ''it'' instead of ''her,'' I knew he meant ''kill.'' That is what you have to do before you kill, I thought. You have to create an it, where none was before. You do that first, in your head, and then you make it real.
** Chapter 30 (pp. 192-193)

* (She is reciting the Lord’s prayer) '''Now we come to [[forgiveness]]. Don’t worry about forgiving me right now. There are more important things. For instance: keep the others safe, if they are safe. Don’t let them suffer too much.''' If they have to die, let it be fast. '''You might even provide a [[Heaven]] for them. We [[need]] You for that. [[Hell]] we can make for ourselves.'''
** Chapter 30 (pp. 194-195)

* You can’t make an omelette without breaking eggs, is what he says. We thought we could do better. &lt;br /&gt; Better? I say, in a small voice. How can he think this is better? &lt;br /&gt; Better never means better for everyone, he says. It always means worse, for some.
** Chapter 32 (p. 211)

* '''Freedom, like everything else, is relative.'''
** Chapter 36 (p. 231)

* A movie about the past is not the same as the past.
** Chapter 37 (p. 235)

* '''By telling you anything at all I'm at least believing in you, I believe you're there, I believe you into being. Because I'm telling you this story I will your existence. I tell, therefore you are.'''
** Chapter 41 (p. 268)

* '''As [[all]] [[historians]] [[know]], the [[past]] is a [[great]] [[darkness]], and filled with echoes.''' [[Voices]] may reach us from it; but what they say to us is imbued with the obscurity of the matrix out of which they come; and, try as we may, we cannot always decipher them precisely in the clearer light of our own day.
** Historical Notes (p. 311)

* &quot;Better never means better for everyone.&quot; [https://www.hulu.com/the-handmaids-tale The Handmaid's Tale (TV Series 2017)]

=== ''Selected Poems 1976-1986'' (1987) ===
==== Marrying the Hangman ====
:&lt;small&gt;Originally published in ''Two-Headed Poems'' (1978) &lt;br /&gt; [http://www.poetryfoundation.org/archive/poem.html?id=177287 Full text online]&lt;/small&gt;

* '''She has been condemned to [[death]] by hanging. A man &lt;br /&gt; may escape this death by becoming the hangman, a &lt;br /&gt; woman by marrying the hangman. But at the present &lt;br /&gt; time there is no hangman; thus there is no escape. &lt;br /&gt; There is only a death, indefinitely postponed. This is &lt;br /&gt; not [[fantasy]], it is [[history]].'''

* '''To live in [[prison]] is to live without mirrors. To live &lt;br /&gt; without mirrors is to live without the [[self]].''' She is &lt;br /&gt; living selflessly, she finds a hole in the stone wall and &lt;br /&gt; on the other side of the wall, a voice. The voice &lt;br /&gt; comes through darkness and has no face. This voice &lt;br /&gt; becomes her mirror. 

* In order to avoid her death, her particular death, with &lt;br /&gt; wrung neck and swollen tongue, she must marry the &lt;br /&gt; hangman.

* She must &lt;br /&gt; transform his hands so they will be willing to twist &lt;br /&gt; the rope around throats that have been singled out &lt;br /&gt; as hers was, throats other than hers. She must marry &lt;br /&gt; the hangman or no one, but that is not so bad. Who &lt;br /&gt; else is there to marry? 

* '''You wonder about her [[crime]]. She was condemned &lt;br /&gt; to death for stealing clothes from her employer, from &lt;br /&gt; the wife of her employer. She wished to make herself &lt;br /&gt; more [[beautiful]]. This [[desire]] in servants was not [[legal]].'''

* He was not condemned to death, freedom awaited &lt;br /&gt; him. What was the temptation, the one that worked? &lt;br /&gt; Perhaps he wanted to live with a woman whose life &lt;br /&gt; he had saved, who had seen down into the earth but &lt;br /&gt; had nevertheless followed him back up to life. It was &lt;br /&gt; his only chance to be a hero, to one person at least, &lt;br /&gt; for if he became the hangman the others would &lt;br /&gt; despise him. He was in prison for wounding another &lt;br /&gt; man, on one finger of the right hand, with a sword. &lt;br /&gt; This too is history.

* '''My friends, who are both women, tell me their stories, &lt;br /&gt; which cannot be believed and which are true. They &lt;br /&gt; are horror stories and they have not happened to me, &lt;br /&gt; they have not yet happened to me, they have &lt;br /&gt; happened to me but we are detached, we watch our &lt;br /&gt; unbelief with horror.'''

* He wants only the simple things: a chair, &lt;br /&gt; someone to pull off his shoes, someone to watch him &lt;br /&gt; while he talks, with admiration and fear, gratitude if &lt;br /&gt; possible, someone in whom to plunge himself for rest &lt;br /&gt; and renewal. These things can best be had by marrying &lt;br /&gt; a woman who has been condemned to death by other &lt;br /&gt; men for wishing to be beautiful. There is a wide &lt;br /&gt; choice.

* Everyone said he was a fool. &lt;br /&gt; Everyone said she was a clever woman. &lt;br /&gt; They used the word ''ensnare''.

* '''The [[fact]] is there are no stories I can tell my friends that will make them feel better. History cannot be erased, although we can soothe ourselves by speculating about it.'''

* NOTES: Jean Cololère, a drummer in the colonial troops at Québec, was imprisoned for duelling in 1751. In the cell next to his was Françoise Laurent, who had been sentenced to hang for stealing. Except for letters of pardon, the only way at the time for someone under sentence of death to escape hanging was, for a man, to become a hangman, or, for a woman, to marry one. Françoise persuaded Cololère to apply for the vacant (and undesirable) post of executioner, and also to marry her. &lt;br /&gt; —Condensed from the ''Dictionary of Canadian Biography'', Volume III, 1741-1770

=== ''Morning in the Burned House'' (1995) ===
* '''There is so much [[silence]] between the [[words]], &lt;br /&gt; you say. You say, The sensed absence &lt;br /&gt; of [[God]] and the sensed presence &lt;br /&gt; amount to much the same thing, &lt;br /&gt; only in reverse.''' &lt;br /&gt; You say, I have too much white clothing. &lt;br /&gt; You start to hum. &lt;br /&gt; Several hundred years ago &lt;br /&gt; this could have been [[mysticism]] &lt;br /&gt; or heresy. It isn’t now. &lt;br /&gt; Outside there are sirens. &lt;br /&gt; Someone’s been run over. &lt;br /&gt; The century grinds on.
** &quot;In the Secular Night&quot;

==== The Loneliness of the Military Historian ====
:&lt;small&gt;[http://www.poetryfoundation.org/archive/poem.html?id=177286 Full text online]&lt;/small&gt;

* '''Confess: it’s my profession &lt;br /&gt; that alarms you. &lt;br /&gt; This is why few people ask me to dinner, &lt;br /&gt; though Lord knows I don’t go out of my way to be scary.'''

* If I roll my eyes and mutter, &lt;br /&gt; if I clutch at my heart and scream in horror &lt;br /&gt; like a third-rate actress chewing up a mad scene, &lt;br /&gt; I do it in private and nobody sees &lt;br /&gt; but the bathroom mirror.

* In general I might agree with you: &lt;br /&gt; women should not contemplate war, &lt;br /&gt; should not weigh tactics impartially, &lt;br /&gt; or evade the word ''enemy'', &lt;br /&gt; or view both sides and denounce nothing. &lt;br /&gt; Women should march for peace, &lt;br /&gt; or hand out white feathers to arouse bravery, &lt;br /&gt; spit themselves on bayonets &lt;br /&gt; to protect their babies, &lt;br /&gt; whose skulls will be split anyway, &lt;br /&gt; or, having been raped repeatedly, &lt;br /&gt; hang themselves with their own hair. &lt;br /&gt; These are the functions that inspire general comfort. &lt;br /&gt; That, and the knitting of socks for the troops &lt;br /&gt; and a sort of moral cheerleading. &lt;br /&gt; Also: mourning the dead. &lt;br /&gt; Sons, lovers, and so forth. &lt;br /&gt; All the killed children.

* Instead of this, I tell &lt;br /&gt; what I hope will pass as truth. &lt;br /&gt; A blunt thing, not lovely. &lt;br /&gt; The truth is seldom welcome, &lt;br /&gt; especially at dinner, &lt;br /&gt; though I am good at what I do. &lt;br /&gt; '''My trade is courage and atrocities. &lt;br /&gt; I look at them and do not condemn. &lt;br /&gt; I write things down the way they happened, &lt;br /&gt; as near as can be remembered. &lt;br /&gt; I don’t ask ''why'', because it is mostly the same. &lt;br /&gt; Wars happen because the ones who start them &lt;br /&gt; think they can win.'''

* '''Despite the propaganda, there are no monsters, &lt;br /&gt; or none that can be finally buried. &lt;br /&gt; Finish one off, and circumstances &lt;br /&gt; and the radio create another. &lt;br /&gt; Believe me: whole armies have prayed fervently &lt;br /&gt; to God all night and meant it, &lt;br /&gt; and been slaughtered anyway.''' &lt;br /&gt; Brutality wins frequently, &lt;br /&gt; and large outcomes have turned on the invention &lt;br /&gt; of a mechanical device, viz. radar. &lt;br /&gt; True, valour sometimes counts for something, &lt;br /&gt; as at Thermopylae. Sometimes being right — &lt;br /&gt; though ultimate virtue, by agreed tradition, &lt;br /&gt; is decided by the winner. &lt;br /&gt; '''Sometimes men throw themselves on grenades &lt;br /&gt; and burst like paper bags of guts &lt;br /&gt; to save their comrades. &lt;br /&gt; I can admire that. &lt;br /&gt; But rats and cholera have won many wars. &lt;br /&gt; Those, and potatoes, &lt;br /&gt; or the absence of them.'''

* In the interests of research &lt;br /&gt; I have walked on many battlefields &lt;br /&gt; that once were liquid with pulped &lt;br /&gt; men’s bodies and spangled with exploded &lt;br /&gt; shells and splayed bone. &lt;br /&gt; All of them have been green again &lt;br /&gt; by the time I got there. &lt;br /&gt; Each has inspired a few good quotes in its day. &lt;br /&gt; Sad marble angels brood like hens &lt;br /&gt; over the grassy nests where nothing hatches.

* &lt;p&gt;I’m just as human as you.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt; But it’s no use asking me for a final statement. &lt;br /&gt; As I say, I deal in tactics. &lt;br /&gt; Also statistics: &lt;br /&gt; for every year of peace there have been four hundred &lt;br /&gt; years of war.&lt;/p&gt;

===On Writing Poetry (1995) ===
[[File:Margaret Atwood 2015.jpg|thumb|It's a feature of our age that if you [[write]] a [[work]] of [[fiction]], everyone assumes that the [[people]] and events in it are disguised [[biography]] — but if you write your biography, it's equally assumed you're [[lying]] your head off.]]
:&lt;small&gt;[http://www.library.utoronto.ca/canpoetry/atwood/write.htm Poetry Lecture, Hay On Wye, Wales (June 1995)]&lt;/small&gt;

* '''It's a feature of our age that if you [[write]] a work of [[fiction]], everyone assumes that the [[people]] and events in it are disguised [[biography]] — but if you write your biography, it's equally assumed you're [[lying]] your head off.''' This last may be [[true]], at any rate of [[poets]]: [[Plato]] said that poets should be excluded from the [[ideal]] republic because they are such liars. I am a poet, and I affirm that this is true. About no subject are poets tempted to lie so much as about their own lives; I know one of them who has floated at least five versions of his autobiography, none of them true. I of course — being also a novelist — am a much more truthful person than that. But since poets lie, how can you believe me?

* '''I became a poet at the age of sixteen. I did not intend to do it. It was not my fault.'''

* The day I became a poet was a sunny day of no particular ominousness. I was walking across the football field, not because I was sports-minded or had plans to smoke a cigarette behind the field house — the only other reason for going there — but because this was my normal way home from school. '''I was scuttling along in my usual furtive way, suspecting no ill, when a large invisible thumb descended from the sky and pressed down on the top of my head. A poem formed.''' It was quite a gloomy poem: the poems of the young usually are. It was a gift, this poem — a gift from an anonymous donor, and, as such, both exciting and sinister at the same time. I suspect this is the way all poets begin writing poetry, only they don't want to admit it, so they make up more rational explanations. But this is the true explanation, and I defy anyone to disprove it.

* I did not know that the rules about these things were different if you were female. I did not know that &quot;poetess&quot; was an insult, and that I myself would some day be called one. I did not know that to be told I had transcended my gender would be considered a compliment. I didn't know — yet — that black was compulsory. All of that was in the future. '''When I was sixteen, it was simple. Poetry existed; therefore it could be written; and nobody had told me — yet — the many, many reasons why it could not be written by me.'''

* As for my birth month, a detail of much interest to poets, obsessed as they are with symbolic systems of all kinds: I was not pleased, during my childhood, to have been born in November, as there wasn't much inspiration for birthday party motifs. February children got hearts, May ones flowers, but what was there for me? A cake surrounded by withered leaves? November was a drab, dark and wet month, lacking even snow; its only noteworthy festival was [[w:Remembrance Day|Remembrance Day]]. But in adult life I discovered that November was, astrologically speaking, the month of sex, death and regeneration, and that November First was the Day of the Dead. It still wouldn't have been much good for birthday parties, but it was just fine for poetry, which tends to revolve a good deal around sex and death, with regeneration optional.

* My English teacher from 1955, run to ground by some documentary crew trying to explain my life, said that in her class I had showed no particular promise. This was true. Until the descent of the giant thumb, I showed no particular promise. I also showed no particular promise for some time afterwards, but I did not know this. '''A lot of being a poet consists of willed ignorance. If you woke up from your trance and realized the nature of the life-threatening and dignity-destroying precipice you were walking along, you would switch into actuarial sciences immediately.''' If I had not been ignorant in this particular way, I would not have announced to an assortment of my high school female friends, in the cafeteria one brown-bag lunchtime, that I was going to be a writer. '''I said &quot;writer,&quot; not &quot;poet;&quot; I did have some common sense.''' But my announcement was certainly a conversation-stopper. Sticks of celery were suspended in mid-crunch, peanut-butter sandwiches paused halfway between table and mouth; nobody said a word. One of those present reminded me of this incident recently — I had repressed it — and said she had been simply astounded. &quot;Why?,&quot; I said. &quot;Because I wanted to be a writer?&quot; &quot;No,&quot; she said. &quot;Because you had the guts to say it out loud.&quot;

* The one good thing to be said about announcing yourself as a writer in the colonial Canadian fifties is that nobody told me I couldn't do it because I was a girl. They simply found the entire proposition ridiculous. Writers were dead and English, or else extremely elderly and American; they were not sixteen years old and Canadian. It would have been worse if I'd been a boy, though. Never mind the fact that all the really stirring poems I'd read at that time had been about slaughter, mayhem, sex and death — poetry was thought of as existing in the pastel female realm, along with embroidery and flower arranging. If I'd been male I would probably have had to roll around in the mud, in some boring skirmish over whether or not I was a sissy.

* I will pass over my flirtation with journalism as a way of making a living, an idea I dropped when I discovered that in the fifties — unlike now — female journalists always ended up writing the obituaries and the ladies' page. But how was I to make a living? There was not a roaring market in poetry, there, then. I thought of running away and being a waitress, which I later tried, but got very tired and thin; there's nothing like clearing away other people's mushed-up dinners to make you lose your appetite

* '''After a year or two of keeping my head down and trying to pass myself off as a normal person, I made contact with the five other people at my university who were interested in writing'''; and through them, and some of my teachers, I discovered that there was a whole subterranean Wonderland of Canadian writing that was going on just out of general earshot and sight

* Like all twenty-one-year-old poets, I thought I would be dead by thirty, and [[Sylvia Plath]] had not set a helpful example. For a while there, you were made to feel that, if a poet and female, you could not really be serious about it unless you'd made a least one suicide attempt. So I felt I was running out of time.

* A lot of poets published their own work then; unlike novels, poetry was short, and therefore cheap to do. We had to print each poem separately, and then disassemble it, as there were not enough a's for the whole book; the cover was done with a lino-block. We printed 250 copies, and sold them through bookstores, for 50 cents each. They now go in the rare book trade for eighteen hundred dollars a pop. Wish I'd kept some.

* '''I no longer feel I'll be dead by thirty; now it's sixty. I suppose these deadlines we set for ourselves are really a way of saying we appreciate time, and want to use all of it. I'm still writing, I'm still writing poetry, I still can't explain why, and I'm still running out of time.''' [[William Wordsworth|Wordsworth]] was sort of right when he said, &quot;Poets in their youth begin in gladness/ But thereof comes in the end despondency and madness.&quot; Except that sometimes poets skip the gladness and go straight to the despondency. Why is that? Part of it is the conditions under which poets work — giving all, receiving little in return from an age that by and large ignores them — and part of it is cultural expectation — &quot;The lunatic, the lover and the poet,&quot; says Shakespeare, and notice which comes first. My own theory is that poetry is composed with the melancholy side of the brain, and that if you do nothing but, you may find yourself going slowly down a long dark tunnel with no exit. I have avoided this by being ambidextrous: I write novels too. But when I find myself writing poetry again, it always has the surprise of that first unexpected and anonymous gift.

=== [[w:Dancing_Girls_(short_story_collection)|Dancing Girls]] (1996) ===

* Her mother volunteered that the thing about people from another culture was that you could never tell whether they were insane or not because their ways were so different.
** Short story,'' 'The Man from Mars' '', at p.26 ''[Page numbers per the 1996 Vintage Books paperback edition.]''

* She attracted people he called &quot;sponges&quot;.
** Short story,'' 'Betty' '', at p.34

=== Ophelia Has a Lot to Answer For (1997) ===
:&lt;small&gt;[http://www.owtoad.com/ophelia.html Speech at the Stratford Festival (September 1997)]&lt;/small&gt;

* It must be said at the outset that the field of mental illness has always been debatable ground. Who is sane, who isn't, and who is qualified to judge? Standards have fluctuated wildly, and abuses have been numerous. In the last century, in the United States, a wife could be committed to an asylum on the say-so of her husband and two easily-paid-off doctors alone, and there are cases on record of wives who were &quot;put away&quot; for holding theological opinions that differed from those of the husband, or for refusing to have as much sex as he would like.

* That old standby of melodrama, the rich uncle shoved into the bin so the greedy relatives could get their hands on his estate, had a sound basis in fact. The Victorians cleaned up the straw and the chains of the old Bedlam-like institutions of the eighteenth century, but they didn't always clean up the practices. Patients were drugged, starved, drained of vast quantities of blood, beaten up, swung from ropes, immersed in cold water and whirled around in the air upside-down, all in the belief that it would improve their mental states. Ask yourself whether this is likely to have been true.

* For every age there is a popular idea about what madness is, what causes it, and how a mad person should look and behave; and it's usually these popular ideas, rather than those of medical professionals, that turn up in songs and stories and plays and books. 

* For a thousand years, the Bible was almost the only book people read, if they could read at all. The stories that were officially told and portrayed were Biblical and religious stories. That other fount of Western civilization as we know it today — the Greek classics — went largely unknown until the Renaissance. For our purposes, there's a noteworthy difference between these two literatures: in the Bible people are hardly ever said to be mad as such, whereas in Greek drama they go off their rockers with alarming frequency. It was the rediscovery of the classics that stimulated the long procession of literary madpeople of the past four hundred years.

* However, there are all sorts of behaviours in the Bible that might be called mad now, but aren't designated as insanity by the text itself. People see visions — of angels going up and down ladders, of fiery chariots — and, like Moses, who hears a bush talking, and Balaam the prophet who has a conversation with his donkey, they hear voices of those who cannot be said to be present in any usual sense of the word. They also speak in tongues, as the disciples do at Pentecost. Like madness, the visions, the voices and the speaking in tongues are due to external and usually divine agencies. In a world so permeated with supernatural powers, there are no accidents, and in one so riddled with prophets — who went into a frenzy while prophesying — many more kinds of behaviour were accepted as normal, at least for a prophet or an inspired person, than would be the case now. John the Baptist, dressed in animal skins and wandering around in the wilderness denouncing his social superiors, was not thought of as a de-institutionalized street person who's gone off his medications, but as a saint. And this was the pattern for mediaeval views of aberrant behaviour — if you were acting crazy it was a divine punishment, or else you were possessed, by powers either divine or demonic — perhaps aided, in the latter case, by witches.

* What Elizabethan playwrights learned from the Greek classics was not theories of insanity, but dramatic practice — that is, madness is a dandy theatrical element. It focuses the audience's attention and increases suspense, since you never know what a mad person may get up to next; and Shakespeare himself makes use of it in many forms. In King Lear, there's a scene in which one man pretending to be mad, another who has really gone mad, and a third who has probably always been a little addled, are brought together for purposes of comparison, irony, pathos, and tour de force acting. In Hamlet, there are two variations — Hamlet himself, who assumes madness, and Ophelia, who really does go winsomely bonkers. In MacBeth, it's Lady MacBeth who snaps.

* When women let their hair down, it means either sexiness or craziness or death, the three by Victorian times having become virtually synonymous.

* We tend to think of [[Freud]] as a great innovator, but the truth is that he himself rested, like a ship on an iceberg, on a huge body of [[theory]] and [[knowledge]] which had accumulated before his time. Even the famous Unconscious had made its appearance at least seven decades earlier. As for such supposedly modern phenomena as multiple personalities, the vogue for them began in the first half of the nineteenth century; and the first case in which the perpetrator of a murder pleaded amnesia, and got off, was in the eighteen eighties.

* As I was writing about Grace Marks, and about her interlude in the Asylum, I came to see her in context — the context of other people's opinions, both the popular images of madness and the scientific explanations for it available at the time. A lot of what was believed and said on the subject appears like sheer lunacy to us now. But we shouldn't be too arrogant — how many of our own theories will look silly when those who follow us have come up with something better? But whatever the scientists may come up with, writers and artists will continue to portray altered mental states, simply because few aspects of our nature fascinate people so much. The so-called mad person will always represent a possible future for every member of the audience — who knows when such a malady may strike? When &quot;mad,&quot; at least in literature, you aren't yourself; you take on another self, a self that is either not you at all, or a truer, more elemental one than the person you're used to seeing in the mirror. You're in danger of becoming, in Shakespeare's works, a mere picture or beast, and in Susanna Moodie's words, a mere machine; or else you may become an inspired prophet, a truth-sayer, a shaman, one who oversteps the boundaries of the ordinarily visible and audible, and also, and especially, the ordinarily sayable. Portraying this process is deep power for the artist, partly because it's a little too close to the process of artistic creation itself, and partly because the prospect of losing our self and being taken over by another, unfamiliar self is one of our deepest human fears.

===''[[w:The Blind Assassin|The Blind Assassin]]'' (2000)===
* Ten days after the war ended, my sister Laura drove a car off a bridge. The bridge was being repaired: she went right through the [[Danger]] [[sign]]. The car fell a hundred feet into the ravine, smashing through the treetops feathery with new leaves, then burst into flames and rolled down into the shallow creek at the bottom. Chunks of the bridge fell on top of it. Nothing much was left but charred smithereens.
**first lines

* '''[[All]] [[stories]] are about [[wolves]]. All worth repeating, that is. Anything else is sentimental drivel.''' …[[Think]] about it. There's escaping from the wolves, fighting the wolves, capturing the wolves, taming the wolves. Being thrown to the wolves, or throwing others to the wolves so the wolves will eat them instead of you. Running with the wolf pack. Turning into a wolf. Best of all, turning into the head wolf. No other decent stories exist.

* The only way you can write the truth is to assume that what you set down will never be read. Not by any other person, and not even by yourself at some later date. Otherwise you begin excusing yourself. You must see the writing as emerging like a long scroll of ink from the index finger of your right hand; you must see your left hand erasing it.

===''[[w:Oryx and Crake|Oryx and Crake]]'' (2003)===
*[[Adam]] [[named]] the [[living]] [[animals]], MaddAddam names the dead ones.

*Nature is to zoos as God is to churches.

*He doesn't know which is worse, a past he can't regain or a present that will destroy him if he looks at it too clearly. Then there's the future. Sheer vertigo.

*After everything that's happened, how can the world still be so beautiful? Because it is.

*“All it takes,” said Crake, “is the elimination of one generation. One generation of anything. Beetles, trees, microbes, scientists, speakers of French, whatever. Break the link in time between one generation and the next, and it’s game over forever.” 

*“When any civilization is dust and ashes,&quot; he said, &quot;art is all that's left over. Images, words, music. Imaginative structures. Meaning—human meaning, that is—is defined by them. You have to admit that.” 

*“There's something to be said for hunger: at least it lets you know you're still alive.” 

*“He has to find more and better ways of occupying his time. His time, what a bankrupt idea, as if he's been given a box of time belonging to him alone, stuffed to the brim with hours and minutes that he can spend like money. Trouble is, the box has holes in it and the time is running out, no matter what he does with it.” 

*“I am not my childhood,&quot; Snowman says out loud.

*“Anyway, maybe there weren't any solutions. Human society, corpses and rubble. It never learned, it made the same cretinous mistakes over and over, trading short-term gain for long-term pain.&quot;

===''[[w:The Year of the Flood|The Year of the Flood]]'' (2009)===
* Everybody knew. Nobody admitted to knowing.  If other people began to discuss it, you tuned them out, because what they were saying was both so obvious and so unthinkable.&lt;br /&gt; ''We are using up the Earth. It is almost gone.''

*“What am I living for and what am I dying for are the same question.” 

*You can forget who you are if you're alone too much.

*“we must be a beacon of hope, because if you tell people there's nothing they can do, they will do worse than nothing.” 

*I could see how you could do extreme things for the person you loved. Adam One said that when you loved a person, that love might not always get returned the way you wanted, but it was a good thing anyway because love went out all around you like an energy wave, and a creature you didn't know would be helped by it.

*How easy it is, treachery. You just slide into it.

*“We shouldn't have been so scornful; we should have had compassion. But compassion takes work, and we were young.” 

*Without the light, no chance; without the dark, no dance.

*As with all knowledge, once you knew it, you couldn't imagine how it was that you hadn't known it before. Like stage magic, knowledge before you knew it took place before your very eyes, but you were looking elsewhere.

*“I'm fine,&quot; said Pilar, &quot;for the moment. And the moment is the only time we can be fine in.” 

*You couldn’t leave words lying around where our enemies might find them.

*“It's better to hope than mope!” 

*time is not a thing that passes, said Pilar: it’s a sea on which you float.

*Glenn used to say the reason you can’t really imagine yourself being dead was that as soon as you say, “I’ll be dead,” you’ve said the word ''I'', and so you’re still alive inside the sentence. And that’s how people got the idea of the immortality of the soul — it was a consequence of grammar.

=== ''The Progressive'' interview (2010) ===
[[File:Margaret Atwood in 2015-2.jpg|thumb|A lot of people facing [[fascism]] didn’t become fascists. I don’t happen to believe that we are all monsters.]]
:&lt;small&gt;[http://progressive.org/rothschild1210.html &quot;A Progressive Interview With Margaret Atwood&quot;] by Matthew Rothschild, in ''The Progressive'' (2 December 2010)&lt;/small&gt; 

* '''There were a lot of [[utopias]] in the nineteenth century, wonderful [[societies]] that we might possibly construct. Those went pretty much out of fashion after [[World War I]].''' And almost immediately one of the utopias that people were trying to construct, namely the [[Soviet Union]], threw out a writer called [[Zamyatin]] who wrote a seminal book called ''[[w:We (novel)|We]]'', which contains the seeds of [[George Orwell|Orwell]] and [[Aldous Huxley|Huxley]]. '''Writers started doing dystopias after we saw the effects of trying to build utopias that required, unfortunately, the elimination of a lot of people before you could get to the perfect point, which never arrived.''' … I don’t [[believe]] in a [[perfect]] [[world]]. I don’t believe it’s achievable, and I believe the people who try to achieve it usually end up turning it into something like [[Cambodia]] or something very similar because purity tests set in. Are you ideologically pure enough to be allowed to live? Well, it turns out that very few people are, so you end up with a big powerful struggle and a mass killing scene.

* '''The fabric of [[democracy]] is always fragile everywhere because it depends on the [[will]] of [[citizens]] to protect it, and when they become scared, when it becomes dangerous for them to defend it, it can go very quickly.'''

* After I wrote ''Handmaid’s Tale'', people came up to me and asked why weren’t there any protests. And I said, “You don’t understand [[totalitarianism]].” A real totalitarianism doesn’t fool around with protests in the streets.

* '''A lot of people facing [[fascism]] didn’t become fascists. I don’t happen to believe that we are all monsters.'''

===''MaddAddam'' (2013)===
*There's the story, then there's the real story, then there's the story of how the story came to be told. Then there's what you leave out of the story. Which is part of the story too.

*“Life is warped. I'm just in sync.” 

*“But hatred and viciousness are addictive. You can get high on them. Once you've had a little, you start shaking if you don't get more.” 

“Why is it always such a surprise? thinks Toby. The moon. Even though we know it's coming. Every time we see it, it makes us pause, and hush.” 

“People need such stories, because however dark, a darkness with voices in it is better than a silent void.” 

*Why is war so much like a practical joke? she thinks. Hiding behind bushes, leaping out, with not much difference between Boo! and Bang! except the blood.

*Amazing how quickly the past becomes idyllic.

*“Gender roles suck,&quot; says Swift Fox. Then you should stop playing them, thinks Toby.

=== &quot;Am I a bad feminist?&quot; (2018) ===
&lt;small&gt;[https://www.theglobeandmail.com/opinion/am-i-a-bad-feminist/article37591823/ &quot;Opinion: Am I a bad feminist?&quot;], Opinion in [[W:The_Globe_and_Mail| The Globe and Mail]] (13 January 2018)&lt;/small&gt;

* My fundamental position is that women are human beings, with the full range of saintly and demonic behaviours this entails, including criminal ones. They're not angels, incapable of wrongdoing. If they were, we wouldn't need a legal system.

* Nor do I believe that women are children, incapable of agency or of making moral decisions. If they were, we're back to the 19th century, and women should not own property, have credit cards, have access to higher education, control their own reproduction or vote. There are powerful groups in North America pushing this agenda, but they are not usually considered [[w:Feminism|feminists]].

* Furthermore, I believe that in order to have civil and human rights for women there have to be civil and human rights, period …

* … Anyone who doesn't puppet their views is seen as an apostate, a heretic or a traitor, and moderates in the middle are annihilated. Fiction writers are particularly suspect because they write about human beings, and people are morally ambiguous.

==Quotes about Margaret Atwood==
* The thing I like most about Margaret Atwood the writer is that she's fearless. Fearlessness... that is revolutionary. 
**[[Lillian Allen]]. ''Talk Yuh Talk: Interviews with Anglophone Caribbean Poets'' by Kwame Dawes (2000) 

*she has this future that is totally non-technological; it gets harder and harder to see how we would get to a non-technological future without a terrible war or something, simply because people find technology so convenient. So it isn't likely that they would just give it up. It was an interesting book.
**1997 interview in Conversations with [[Octavia Butler]] (2009)

*My writing ambition was sharpened by Margaret Atwood, The Handmaid’s Tale, an unapologetically political novel that reminds us of what it costs to be a woman in this world or the next.
**[[Roxane Gay]] interview quoted [https://lithub.com/the-books-that-made-your-favorite-writers-want-to-write/ here]

*Margaret Atwood has written: &quot;You tell the story you have to tell; let others tell the story that they have to tell.&quot;
**1996 interview in ''Conversations with [[Bharati Mukherjee]]'' Edited by Bradley C. Edwards (2009)

*Margaret Atwood is an extraordinarily good writer who has produced widely different books: so far, two novels, five books of poetry, and a critical guide to Canadian literature. She possesses an unusual combination of wit and satiric edge, a fine critical intelligence, and an ability to go deep into the irrational earth of the psyche. Her books are varied in genre yet through everyone of them run victor/victim and quest for self-themes, a set of symbols, and a developing underlay of theory. Some themes she shares with other Canadians, and others are characteristic of our developing women's culture. All are vital and juicy...Atwood is a large and remarkable writer. Her concerns are nowhere petty. Her novels and poems move and engage me deeply, can matter to people who read them. As she has come to identify herself consciously, cannily, looking all ways in that tradition she has defined as literature of a victimized colony, I hope that she will also come to help consciously define another growing body to which her work in many of its themes belongs: a women's culture. With her concern with living by eating, with that quest for the self that [[Barbara Demming]] has found at the heart of major works by women from the last 150 years with her passion for becoming conscious of one's victimization and ceasing to acquiesce, with her insistence on nature as a living whole of which we are all interdependent parts, with her
respect for the irrational center of the psyche and the healing experiences beyond logical control, her insistence on joining the divided head and body, her awareness of roleplaying and how women suffocate in the narrow crevices of sexual identity, she is part of that growing women's culture already...
**[[Marge Piercy]] &quot;Beyond Victimhood&quot; in ''Parti-Colored Blocks for a Quilt'' (1983) 

*''Surfacing'' is not a programmatic novel. It is the work of a poet, filled with animistic and super-natural materials.
**[[Adrienne Rich]], “Motherhood and Daughterhood”

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}} 
*[http://www.owtoad.com/ Margaret Atwood's home page]
*[http://www.vformation.tv/Site/Margaret_Atwood.html Official website for the documentary about Margaret Atwood, Turning Pages]
*[http://books.guardian.co.uk/departments/generalfiction/story/0,6000,943485,00.html Profile] from ''[[w:The Guardian|The Guardian]]''
*[http://www.cariboo.bc.ca/atwood/ The Margaret Atwood Society home page]
*[http://web.archive.org/web/20000118214252/http://www.salon.com/jan97/interview970120.html January 1997 Interview] with [[w:Salon.com|Salon.com]]
*[http://www.unotchit.com/ Unotchit Inc. official website]
*[http://www.pittnews.com/vnews/display.v/ART/2005/01/26/41f7283f5343a Atwood invents, signs, backs up with facts]
*[http://www.neilgaiman.com/journal/2005/01/why-automatic-kissing-machines-are-bad.asp Commentary on Unotchit] from [[Neil Gaiman]]
*[http://nealpollack.com/archives/2005/01/index.html#a000211 Commentary on Unotchit] from [[w:Neal Pollack|Neal Pollack]]
*[http://wiredforbooks.org/margaretatwood/ 1986 Audio Interview with Margaret Atwood - RealAudio (30 min 14 s)]
*[http://books.guardian.co.uk/authors/author/0,5917,-11,00.html Guardian Books &quot;Author Page&quot;], with profile and links to further articles.
*[http://www.ilnarratore.com/show.php?type=author&amp;language=en&amp;aid=32&amp;tpl=/eng/autore.tpl.html ''&quot;Game after Supper&quot;'' - ''&quot;Take my Hand&quot;''] - on audio MP3 (in Canadian English)
*[https://www.hulu.com/the-handmaids-tale ''Margaret Atwood's &quot;The Handmaid's Tale&quot;''] TV Series on [[w:Hulu|Hulu]]

{{DEFAULTSORT:Atwood, Margaret}}
[[Category:1939 births]]
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[[Category:Novelists from Canada]]
[[Category:Science fiction authors from Canada]]
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[[Category:Essayists from Canada]]
[[Category:Women authors from Canada]]
[[Category:Environmentalists from Canada]]
[[Category:Women activists from Canada]]
[[Category:Feminists]]
[[Category:Literary critics]]
[[Category:Poets from Canada]]
[[Category:Educators from Canada]]
[[Category:Agnostics]]
[[Category:Humanists]]
[[Category:Booker Prize winners]]
[[Category:Postmodern authors]]
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  <page>
    <title>Sophocles</title>
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      <comment>Moving fragments to new section after the intact plays; adding original Greek and updating fragment references to TrGF (previously various numberings were mixed)</comment>
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      <text bytes="26457" sha1="o4rdsm6rck202zfjdlvohvgtr8n1cp0" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Beeld van Sophocles in het Lateraans Museum te Rome SOFOCLE MUSEO LATERANENSE, RP-F-00-4471 (cropped).jpg|thumb|right|It is no weakness for the wisest man to learn when he is wrong.]]
'''[[w:Sophocles|Sophocles]]''' (Greek: Σοφοκλῆς; c. 497/496 – winter 406/405 BC) was an ancient Greek tragedian known as one of three from whom at least two plays have survived in full. His first plays were written later than, or contemporary with, those of [[Aeschylus]] and earlier than, or contemporary with, those of [[Euripides]].

== Quotes ==

* Death is not the worst evil, but rather when we wish to die and cannot.
** [[w:Electra (Sophocles play)|''Electra'']], l. 1007 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

=== [[w:Ajax (play)|''Ajax'']] ===

* Γύναι, γυναιξὶ κόσμον ἡ σιγὴ φέρει.
** Woman, silence graces woman.
** Line 293 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)

* ἀλλ᾽ ἢ καλῶς ζῆν ἢ καλῶς τεθνηκέναι&lt;br/&gt;τὸν εὐγενῆ χρή
** Nobly to live, or else nobly to die, &lt;br/&gt; Befits proud birth.
** Line 479 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)&lt;!--[https://archive.org/details/cu31924026593446/page/n7/mode/2up ''The Ajax of Sophocles''] (London: George Allen &amp; Unwin Ltd., 1919)--&gt;&lt;!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--&gt;

* Of all human ills, greatest is fortune's wayward tyranny.
** Line 486 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)&lt;!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--&gt;

* Ὦ παῖ, γένοιο πατρὸς εὐτυχέστερος,&lt;br/&gt;τὰ δ᾽ ἄλλ᾽ ὅμοιος: καὶ γένοι᾽ ἂν οὐ κακός
** Ah, son, may you prove luckier than your father, but in all else like him. Then you would not prove base.
** Line 550 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)
**:&lt;small&gt;Cf. [[Lucius Accius]], ''Virtuti sis par, dispar fortunis patris.''&lt;/small&gt;

* χάρις χάριν γάρ ἐστιν ἡ τίκτουσ᾽ ἀεί&lt;br/&gt;ὅτου δ᾽ ἀπορρεῖ μνῆστις εὖ πεπονθότος,&lt;br/&gt;οὐκ ἂν γένοιτ᾽ ἔθ᾽ οὗτος εὐγενὴς ἀνήρ.
** For kindness begets kindness evermore, &lt;br/&gt; But he from whose mind fades the memory &lt;br/&gt; Of benefits, noble is he no more.
** Line 522 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)

* ἐχθρῶν ἄδωρα δώρα κοὐκ ὀνήσιμα.
** The gifts of enemies are no gifts and bring no good.
** Line 665 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)

* Men of ill judgement&lt;!--'judgment'--&gt; oft ignore the good &lt;br/&gt; That lies within their hands, till they have lost it.
** Line 964 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)&lt;!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--&gt;

* θεοῖς τέθνηκεν οὗτος, οὐ κείνοισιν, οὔ.
** He died before the gods, not at all before them—no!
** Line 970 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)

=== ''[[w:Oedipus Rex|Oedipus Rex]]'' ===

[[File:Œdipe explique l'énigme du sphinx - Jean-Auguste Dominique Ingres - Musée du Louvre Peintures RF 218.jpg|thumb|Look on Oedipus.&lt;br /&gt;He solved the famous riddle, with his brilliance,&lt;br /&gt;he rose to power, a man beyond all power.&lt;br /&gt;Who could behold his greatness without envy?]]

* How dreadful knowledge of the truth can be &lt;br/&gt; When there's no help in truth!
** Line 316 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949)&lt;!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--&gt;
**: Wisdom is a curse &lt;br&gt; when wisdom does nothing for the man who has it. &lt;br&gt; (tr. Stephen Berg and Diskin Clay, 1978)

* I will never reveal my dreadful secrets, or rather, yours.
** Line 332&lt;!--?--&gt;, Teiresias loq. (tr. Bernard M. W. Knox, 1959)
**: I will not wound myself nor thee. Why seek &lt;br/&gt; To trap and question me? I will not speak. &lt;br/&gt; (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1911)
**: Nay, I see that thou, on thy part, openest not thy lips in season: therefore I speak not, that neither may I have thy mishap. &lt;br/&gt; (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)

* The tyrant is a child of Pride &lt;br/&gt; Who drinks from his sickening cup &lt;br/&gt; Recklessness and vanity, &lt;br/&gt; Until from his high crest headlong &lt;br/&gt; He plummets to the dust of hope.
** Line 872 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949)

* Fear? What has a man to do with fear? Chance rules our lives, and the future is all unknown. Best live as we may, from day to day.
** Line 1069, Jocasta loq. (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947)
**: Nay, what should mortal fear, for whom the decrees of fortune are supreme and who hath clear foresight of nothing? 'Tis best to live at random, as one may. (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)

* I am the child of Fortune, &lt;br/&gt;The giver of good, and I shall not be shamed. &lt;br/&gt;She is my mother; my sisters are the Seasons; &lt;br/&gt;My rising and my falling match with theirs. &lt;br/&gt;Born thus, I ask to be no other man &lt;br/&gt;Than that I am, and will know who I am.
** Line 1080 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947)
**: I am Fortune's child, &lt;br/&gt;Not man's; her mother face hath ever smiled &lt;br/&gt;Above me, and my brethren of the sky, &lt;br/&gt;The changing Moons, have changed me low and high. &lt;br/&gt;There is my lineage true, which none shall wrest &lt;br/&gt;From me; who then am I to fear this quest? &lt;br/&gt; (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1911)

* The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves.
** Line 1184, Second Messenger loq. (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) 
**: The keenest sorrow is to recognize ourselves as the sole cause of all our adversities.&lt;!--Robert and Mary Collison, ''Dictionary of Foreign Quotations'' (New York: Facts on File, 1980), p. 6--&gt;

* Time eases all things.
** Line 1515 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) 

* Let every man in mankind's frailty &lt;br/&gt; Consider his last day; and let none &lt;br/&gt; Presume on his good fortune until he find &lt;br/&gt; Life, at his death, a memory without pain.
** Line 1529, Choragos loq. (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) 
**: Look upon him, O my Thebans, on your king, the child of fame!&lt;br /&gt;This mighty man, this Œdipus the lore far-famed could guess,&lt;br /&gt;And envy from each Theban won, so great his lordliness—&lt;br /&gt;Lo to what a surge of sorrow and confusion hath he come!&lt;br /&gt;Let us call no mortal happy till our eyes have seen the doom&lt;br /&gt;And the death-day come upon him—till, unharassed by mischance,&lt;br /&gt;He pass the bound of mortal life, the goal of ordinance.&lt;br /&gt;(tr. E. D. A. Morshead, 1885)&lt;!--E. D. A. Morshead, ''Oedipus the King'' (London: Macmillan and Co., 1885)--&gt;
**: People of Thebes, my countrymen, look on Oedipus.&lt;br /&gt;He solved the famous riddle, with his brilliance,&lt;br /&gt;he rose to power, a man beyond all power.&lt;br /&gt;Who could behold his greatness without envy?&lt;br /&gt;Now what a black sea of terror has overwhelmed him.&lt;br /&gt;Now as we keep our watch and wait the final day,&lt;br /&gt;count no man happy till he dies, free of pain at last.&lt;br /&gt;(tr. Robert Fagles, 1982)&lt;!--Cited in [[Thomas Cahill]], ''Sailing the Wine-Dark Sea'' (2003)--&gt;

=== ''[[w:Antigone|Antigone]]'' ===
[[File:Lytras nikiforos antigone polynices.jpeg |thumb|right|Think not that your word and yours alone must be right.]]
* '''For God hates utterly &lt;br/&gt; The bray of bragging tongues.'''
** Line 123 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938)

* Our [[Ship of State]], which recent storms have threatened to destroy, has come safely to harbor at last.
** Line 163 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938)

* I have nothing but contempt for the kind of governor who is afraid, for whatever reason, to follow the course that he knows is best for the State; and as for the man who sets private friendship above the public welfare — I have no use for him, either.
** Line 181 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938)

* Nobody likes the man who brings bad news.
** Line 277 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938); cf. &quot;Don’t shoot the messenger.&quot;

* [[Money]]! There's nothing in the world so demoralizing as money.
** Line 295 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938)

* Nothing so evil as money ever grew to be current among men. This lays cities low, this drives men from their homes, this trains and warps honest souls till they set themselves to works of shame; this still teaches folk to practise villainies, and to know every godless deed. But all the men who wrought this thing for hire have made it sure that, soon or late, they shall pay the price.
** Line 295-303 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)

* Henceforth ye may thieve with better knowledge whence lucre should be won, and learn that it is not well to love gain from every source. For thou wilt find that ill-gotten pelf brings more men to ruin than to weal.
** Lines 311-314 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)

* πολλὰ τὰ δεινὰ κοὐδὲν ἀν- &lt;br/&gt; θρώπου δεινότερον πέλει.
** '''Numberless are the world's wonders, but none &lt;br/&gt; More wonderful than man.'''
** Line 333, Second Chorus, Ode I (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938)
**: There are many wonderful things, and nothing is more wonderful than man. (tr. R. W. Livingstone, 1935)&lt;!--''Greek Ideals and Modern Life'' (Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1935), p. 62--&gt;

* It is a good thing &lt;br/&gt; To escape from death, but it is not great pleasure &lt;br/&gt; To bring death to a friend.
** Line 437

* ὅστις γὰρ ἐν πολλοῖσιν ὡς ἐγὼ κακοῖς&lt;br/&gt;ζῇ, πῶς ὅδ᾽ οὐχὶ κατθανὼν κέρδος φέρει
** For whoso lives, as I, in many woes,&lt;br/&gt;How can it be but death shall bring him gain?
*** Lines 463-464 (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)&lt;!--Cited in T. B. Harbottle, ''Dictionary of Quotations: Classical'' (1897), p. 445--&gt;

* '''[[Grief]] teaches the steadiest minds to waver.'''
** Line 563 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938)

* Happy are they who know not the taste of evil.
** Line 583, Third Chorus 3, Ode II (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947)

* τὸ κακὸν δοκεῖν ποτ᾽ ἐσθλὸν τῷδ᾽ ἔμμεν' ὅτῳ φρένας θεὸς ἄγει πρὸς ἄταν
** Evil seems good, soon or late, to him whose mind the god draws to mischief
** Lines 620-3&lt;!--622-624--&gt; (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893), a &quot;[[w:Whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad|famous saying]]&quot;&lt;!--Unsourced translation: &quot;Evil sometimes seems good / To a man whose mind / A god leads to destruction.&quot;--&gt;

* Show me the man who keeps his house in hand, &lt;br/&gt; He's fit for public authority.
** Line 660 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938)

* μή νυν ἓν ἦθος μοῦνον ἐν σαυτῷ φόρει, &lt;br/&gt; ὡς φὴς σύ, κοὐδὲν ἄλλο, τοῦτ᾽ ὀρθῶς ἔχειν.
** '''Think not that thy word, and thine alone, must be right.'''
** Line 706 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)
**: Think not that your word and yours alone must be right. (ed. Moses Hadas, 1965)&lt;!--''Greek Drama'' (Bantam Books, 1965), p. 97--&gt;

* ἀλλ᾽ ἄνδρα, κεἴ τις ᾖ σοφός, τὸ μανθάνειν &lt;br/&gt; πόλλ᾽.
** '''It is no weakness for the wisest man &lt;br/&gt; To learn when he is wrong.'''
** Line 710 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) 

* '''The ideal condition &lt;br/&gt; Would be, I admit, that men should be right by instinct; &lt;br/&gt; But since we are all too likely to go astray, &lt;br/&gt; The reasonable thing is to learn from those who can teach.'''
** Line 720 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938)

* [[Love]], unconquerable, &lt;br/&gt; Waster of rich men, keeper &lt;br/&gt; Of warm lights and all-night vigil &lt;br/&gt; In the soft face of a girl: &lt;br/&gt; Sea-wanderer, forest-visitor! &lt;br/&gt; Even the pure immortals cannot escape you, &lt;br/&gt; And mortal man, in his one day's dusk, &lt;br/&gt; Trembles before your glory.
** Line 781, Fourth Chorus, Ode III (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938)

* τοῖς πᾶσι κοινόν ἐστι τοὐξαμαρτάνειν: &lt;br/&gt; ἐπεὶ δ᾽ ἁμάρτῃ, κεῖνος οὐκέτ᾽ ἔστ᾽ ἀνὴρ &lt;br/&gt; ἄβουλος οὐδ᾽ ἄνολβος, ὅστις ἐς κακὸν &lt;br/&gt; πεσὼν ἀκῆται μηδ᾽ ἀκίνητος πέλῃ.
** All men are liable to err; but when an error hath been made, that man is no longer witless or unblest who heals the ill into which he hath fallen, and remains not stubborn.
** Lines 1024-1027 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893); cf. [[Book of Proverbs]] 28:13
**: All men are liable to err. &lt;br/&gt; But when an error is made, that man is no longer &lt;br/&gt; unwise or unblessed who heals the evil &lt;br/&gt; into which he has fallen and does not remain stubborn. (ed. Moses Hadas, 1965)

* ὅσῳ κράτιστον κτημάτων εὐβουλία
** [[Wisdom]] outweighs any [[wealth]].
*** Line 1050 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938)

* '''There is no [[happiness]] where there is no [[wisdom]]; &lt;br/&gt; No wisdom but in submission to the [[gods]]. &lt;br/&gt; Big words are always punished, &lt;br/&gt; And proud men in old age learn to be wise.'''
** Line 1347, closing lines (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938)

=== [[w:Women of Trachis|''Trachiniae'']] ===

* There is an ancient saying, famous among men, that thou shouldst not judge fully of a man's life before he dieth, whether it should be called blest or wretched.
** Line 1 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

* A prudent mind can see room for misgiving, lest he who prospers should one day suffer reverse.
** Line 296 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892)

* They are not wise, then, who stand forth to buffet against Love; for Love rules the gods as he will, and me.
** Line 441 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892)

* Knowledge must come through action; thou canst have no test which is not fanciful, save by trial.
** Line 592 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) 
**: Knowledge must come through action; you can have no test which is not fanciful, save by trial. (ed. Moses Hadas, 1965)

* Rash indeed is he who reckons on the morrow, or haply on days beyond it; for tomorrow is not, until today is past.
** Line 943 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) 

=== [[w:Oedipus at Colonus|''Oedipus at Colonus'']] ===

* In a just cause the weak o'ercome the strong.
** Line 880 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

* μὴ φῦναι τὸν ἅπαντα νι- &lt;br/&gt; κᾷ λόγον.
** '''Not to be born is, past all prizing, best'''; but, when a man hath seen the light, this is next best by far, that with all speed he should go thither, whence he hath come.
** Line 1225, Chorus (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)&lt;!--Unsourced modernization: &quot;Not to be born is, beyond all estimation, best; but when a man has seen the light of day, this is next best by far, that with utmost speed he should go back from where he came.&quot;--&gt;
**:&lt;small&gt;Cf. [[W. B. Yeats|Yeats]], &quot;From ''Oedipus at Colonus''&quot; (1928) and [[W. H. Auden|Auden]], &quot;Death's Echo&quot; (1937)&lt;/small&gt;

* ἐν ᾧ τλάμων ὅδ᾽, οὐκ ἐγὼ μόνος, &lt;br/&gt; πάντοθεν βόρειος ὥς τις &lt;br/&gt; ἀκτὰ κυματοπλὴξ χειμερία κλονεῖται, &lt;br/&gt; ὣς καὶ τόνδε κατ᾽ ἄκρας &lt;br/&gt; δειναὶ κυματοαγεῖς &lt;br/&gt; ἆται κλονέουσιν ἀεὶ ξυνοῦσαι.
** In [[Old age|such years]] is yon hapless one, not I alone: and as some cape that fronts the North is lashed on every side by the waves of winter, so he also is fiercely lashed evermore by the dread troubles that break on him like billows.
** Line 1239, Chorus (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)

* One word &lt;br/&gt; Frees us of all the weight and pain of life: &lt;br/&gt; That word is love.
** Line 1616 (tr. Robert Fitzgerald, 1940)

=== Fragments ===
:&lt;small&gt;Greek text cited from S. Radt, ''Tragicorum Graecorum Fragmenta, vol. 4 Sophocles'' (Göttingen, 1999).&lt;/small&gt;

* ἀλλ᾿ οὐδὲν ἕρπει ψεῦδος εἰς γῆρας χρόνου.
** A lie never lives to be old.
** Frg. 62 TrGF; ''Acrisius'' (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

* τοῦ ζῆν γὰρ οὐδεὶς ὡς ὁ γηράσκων ἐρᾷ.
** No man loves life like him that's growing old.
** Frg. 66 TrGF; ''Acrisius'' (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

* ὅταν πάγου φανέντος αἰθρίου χεροῖν&lt;br&gt;κρύσταλλον ἁρπάσωσι παῖδες εὐπαγῆ,&lt;br&gt;τὰ πρῶτ᾿ ἔχουσιν ἡδονὰς ποταινίους·&lt;br&gt;τέλος δ᾿ ὁ θυμὸς οὔθ᾿ ὅπως ἀφῇ θέλει,&lt;br&gt;οὔτ᾿ ἐν χεροῖν τὸ κτῆμα σύμφορον μένειν.&lt;br&gt;οὕτω δὲ τοὺς ἐρῶντας αὑτὸς ἵμερος&lt;br&gt;δρᾶν καὶ τὸ μὴ δρᾶν πολλάκις προσίεται.
** When ice appears out of doors, and boys seize it up while it is solid, at first they experience new pleasures. But in the end their pride will not agree to let it go, but their acquisition is not good for them if it stays in their hands. In the same way an identical desire drives lovers to act and not to act.
** Frg. 149.3–9 TrGF; ''The Lovers of Achilles'' (tr. Lloyd-Jones, 1996)
** Often paraphrased: &quot;Love is like ice in the hands of children.&quot;

* πρὸς ταῦτα κρύπτε μηδέν· ὡς ὁ πάνθ᾿ ὁρῶν&lt;br&gt;καὶ πάντ᾿ ἀκούων πάντ᾿ ἀναπτύσσει χρόνος.
** Do nothing secretly; for Time sees and hears all things, and discloses all.
** Frg. 301 TrGF; ''Hipponous'' (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

* καλὸν μὲν οὖν οὐκ ἔστι τὰ ψευδῆ λέγειν·&lt;br&gt;ὅτῳ δ᾿ ὄλεθρον δεινὸν ἁλήθει᾿ ἄγει,&lt;br&gt;συγγνωστὸν εἰπεῖν ἐστι καὶ τὸ μὴ καλόν.
** Truly, to tell lies is not honorable; &lt;br&gt; But when the truth entails tremendous ruin, &lt;br&gt; To speak dishonorably is pardonable.
** Frg. 352 TrGF; ''Creusa'' (''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968)

* τὸ μὴ γὰρ εἶναι κρεῖσσον ἢ τὸ ζῆν κακῶς.
** It is better not to live at all than to live disgraced.
** Frg. 488 TrGF; ''Peleus'' (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

* φιλεῖ γὰρ ἄνδρας πόλεμος ἀγρεύειν νέους.
** War loves to seek its victims in the young.
** Frg. 554 TrGF; ''Scyrii'' (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

* ἀλλ᾿ εἰ μὲν ἦν κλαίουσιν ἰᾶσθαι κακᾶ&lt;br&gt;καὶ τὸν θανόντα δακρύοις ἀνιστάναι,&lt;br&gt;ὁ χρυσὸς ἧσσον κτῆμα τοῦ κλαίειν ἂν ἦν.
** If it were possible to heal sorrow by weeping and to raise the dead with tears, gold were less prized than grief.
** Frg. 557.1–3 TrGF; ''Scyrii'' (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

* ἀλλ᾿ εἰσὶ μητρὶ παῖδες ἄγκυραι βίου.
** Children are the anchors of a mother's life.
** Frg. 685 TrGF; ''Phaedra'' (tr. [https://archive.org/details/greekwayantholog0000free/page/80/mode/2up K. Freeman, 1947])

* ἀεὶ γὰρ εὖ πίπτουσιν οἱ Διὸς κύβοι.
** The dice of Zeus fall ever luckily.
** Frg. 895 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

* οὐ τοῖς ἀθύμοις ἡ τύχη ξυλλαμβάνει.
** Fortune is not on the side of the faint-hearted.
** Frg. 927 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) 

* ὅρκος γὰρ οὐδεὶς ἀνδρὶ φιλήτῃ βαρύς.
** No oath can be too binding for a lover.
** Frg. 933 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) 

* γνῶμαι πλέον κρατοῦσιν ἢ σθένος χερῶν.
** Thoughts are mightier than strength of hand.
** Frg. 939 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

* στέργειν δὲ τἀκπεσόντα καὶ θέσθαι πρέπει&lt;br&gt;σοφὸν κυβευτήν, ἀλλὰ μὴ στένειν τύχην.
** A wise player ought to accept his throws and score them, not bewail his luck.
** Frg. 947 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

* τἀληθὲς ἀεὶ πλεῖστον ἰσχύει λόγου.
** The truth is always the strongest argument.
** Frg. 955 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

* εἰ δείν᾿ ἔδρασας, δεινὰ καὶ παθεῖν σε δεῖ.
** If ills you do, ills also you must bear.
** Frg. 962 TrGF (tr. Pratten, Dods and Smith, 1867)&lt;!--B. P. Pratten, Marcus Dods, and Thomas Smith, ''The Writings of Tatian and Theophilus: and The Clementine Recognitions'', Anti-Nicene Christian Library 2 (Edinburgh T. and T. Clark, 1867), p. 106--&gt;

== Attributed ==

* καὶ δὴ καὶ Σοφοκλεῖ ποτε τῷ ποιητῇ παρεγενόμην ἐρωτωμένῳ ὑπό τινος· 'πῶς' ἔφη, 'ὦ Σοφόκλεις, ἔχεις πρὸς τἀφροδίσια; ἔτι οἷός τε εἶ γυναικὶ συγγίγνεσθαι;' καὶ ὅς 'εὐφήμει' ἔφη, 'ὦ ἄνθρωπε· ἀσμενέστατα μέντοι αὐτὸ ἀπέφυγον, ὥσπερ λυττῶντά τινα καὶ ἄγριον δεσπότην ἀποφυγών.'
** {{smallcaps|Cephalus}}: I remember hearing Sophocles the poet greeted by a fellow who asked, &quot;How about your service of Aphrodite, Sophocles—is your natural force still unabated?&quot; And he replied, &quot;Hush, man, most gladly have I escaped this thing you talk of, as if I had run away from a raging and savage beast of a master.&quot;
** [[Plato]], ''Republic'', I.329b–c (tr. Paul Shorey, 1930, 1937)

* εἰ μέν εἰμι Σοφοκλῆς, οὐ παραφρονῶ· εἰ δὲ παραφρονῶ, οὐκ εἰμὶ Σοφοκλῆς.
** If I am Sophocles, I am not mad; and if I am mad, I am not Sophocles.
** ''Life of Sophocles'', 13 (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)&lt;!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 7th ed., 1876--&gt;

{{Misattributed begin}}
== Misattributed ==

* βραχεῖ λόγῳ δὲ πολλὰ πρόσκειται σοφά.
** A short saying often contains much wisdom.
** Adesp. 1b.3 TrGF; ''Aletes'' (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)
** External testimony and stylistic evidence strongly suggest the ''Aletes'' is not by Sophocles ([https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-2/page/4/mode/2up S. Radt 2007:4]).

* θεὸς δὲ τοῖς ἀργοῦσιν οὐ παρίσταται.
** Heaven ne'er helps the men who will not act.
** Adesp. 527 TrGF (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)&lt;!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 7th ed., 1876--&gt;
** Anonymous verse mistakenly attached to Sophocles' frg. 308 TrGF (''Iphigenia'') due to a confusion in Stobaeus, ''Anthology'', III.30.6 ([https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-4-sophocles/page/272/mode/2up S. Radt 1999:272]; [https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-2/page/148/mode/2up 2007:148]).

{{Misattributed end}}

== Quotes about Sophocles ==

* ὁ δ’εὔκολος μὲν ἐνθάδ’, εὔκολος δ’ἐκεῖ
** Sweet-tempered as on earth, so here below.
** [[Aristophanes]], ''Frogs'' (tr. Storr, 1912)&lt;!--F. Storr, ''Sophocles'', [https://archive.org/details/LoebClassicalLibraryL020/page/n19/mode/2up Vol. 1], LCL 20 (1912), p. ix--&gt;

* Be his&lt;br /&gt;My special thanks, whose '''even-balanced soul'''&lt;br /&gt;From first youth tested up to extreme old age&lt;br /&gt;Business could not make dull, nor passion wild;&lt;br /&gt;'''Who saw life steadily, and saw it whole''';&lt;br /&gt;'''The mellow glory of the Attic stage''',&lt;br /&gt;Singer of sweet Colonus, and its child.
** [[Matthew Arnold]], Sonnet &quot;To a Friend&quot; (1849)

* Listen! you hear the grating roar &lt;br /&gt; Of pebbles which the waves draw back, and fling, &lt;br /&gt; At their return, up the high strand. &lt;br /&gt; Begin, and cease, and then again begin, &lt;br /&gt; With tremulous cadence slow, and bring &lt;br /&gt; The eternal note of sadness in. {{pb}} Sophocles long ago &lt;br /&gt; Heard it on the Ægæan, and it brought &lt;br /&gt; Into his mind the turbid ebb and flow &lt;br /&gt; Of human misery; we &lt;br /&gt; Find also in the sound a thought, &lt;br /&gt; Hearing it by this distant northern sea.
** Matthew Arnold, &quot;[[w:Dover Beach|Dover Beach]]&quot; (1867)

* ... Sophocles, the poet loved and feared,&lt;br&gt;Whose mighty voice once called out of her lair&lt;br&gt;The Dorian muse severe, with braided hair,&lt;br&gt;Who loved the thyrsus and wild dances weird.
** [[W:Edmund Gosse|Edmund Gosse]], &quot;The Tomb of Sophocles&quot;

* The first part of the [[w:Ajax (play)|Ajax]] is prodigiously fine. I do not know that the agonies of wounded honour have ever been so sublimely represented... But the interest of the piece dies with Ajax. In the debates which follow, Sophocles does not succeed as well as [[Euripides]] would have done. The odes, too, are not very good.
** [[Thomas Babington Macaulay]], quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473

* I have been less pleased with this perusal of the [[w:Oedipus Rex|Œdipus Tyrannus]] than I was when I read it in January; perhaps because I then read it all at one sitting. The construction seems to me less perfect than I formerly thought it. But nothing can exceed the skill with which the discovery is managed. The agony of Œdipus is so unutterably grand; and the tender sorrow, in which his mind at last reposes after his daughters have been brought to him, is as moving as anything in the Greek Drama.
** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473

* The [[w:Philoctetes (Sophocles play)|Philoctetes]] is a most noble play; conspicuous even among the works of Sophocles for the grace and majesty of effect produced by the most simple means. There is more character in it than in any play in the Greek language; two or three of Euripides's best excepted.
** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{wikisource author}}
* H. Lloyd-Jones, ''Sophocles: Fragments'', [[w:Loeb Classical Library|LCL 483]] (Harvard UP, 1996)
* [[Edward Plumptre|E. H. Plumptre]], ''The Tragedies of Sophocles: A New Translation'' (1865, 1878)
* [[Richard Claverhouse Jebb|R. C. Jebb]], ''Sophocles: The Plays and Fragments'', 3rd ed. (Cambridge UP, 1893)
* A. C. Pearson, ''The Fragments of Sophocles'', with additional notes from the papers of Sir R. C. Jebb and [[Walter Headlam|W. G. Headlam]] (Cambridge UP, 1917), vols. [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw01sophuoft/page/n7/mode/2up 1], [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw02sophuoft/page/n9/mode/2up 2], [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw03sophuoft 3]

[[Category:Playwrights from Greece]]
[[Category:Poets from Greece]]
[[Category:Politicians from Greece]]
[[Category:Clergy]]
[[Category:Gay poets]]
[[Category:BCE births]]
[[Category:BCE deaths]]
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      <text bytes="26469" sha1="nopla7yd8fvig71r5limx6uegr8nj64" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Beeld van Sophocles in het Lateraans Museum te Rome SOFOCLE MUSEO LATERANENSE, RP-F-00-4471 (cropped).jpg|thumb|right|It is no weakness for the wisest man to learn when he is wrong.]]
'''[[w:Sophocles|Sophocles]]''' (Greek: Σοφοκλῆς; c. 497/496 – winter 406/405 BC) was an ancient Greek tragedian known as one of three from whom at least two plays have survived in full. His first plays were written later than, or contemporary with, those of [[Aeschylus]] and earlier than, or contemporary with, those of [[Euripides]].

== Quotes ==

* Death is not the worst evil, but rather when we wish to die and cannot.
** [[w:Electra (Sophocles play)|''Electra'']], l. 1007 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

=== [[w:Ajax (play)|''Ajax'']] ===

* Γύναι, γυναιξὶ κόσμον ἡ σιγὴ φέρει.
** Woman, silence graces woman.
** Line 293 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)

* ἀλλ᾽ ἢ καλῶς ζῆν ἢ καλῶς τεθνηκέναι&lt;br/&gt;τὸν εὐγενῆ χρή
** Nobly to live, or else nobly to die, &lt;br/&gt; Befits proud birth.
** Line 479 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)&lt;!--[https://archive.org/details/cu31924026593446/page/n7/mode/2up ''The Ajax of Sophocles''] (London: George Allen &amp; Unwin Ltd., 1919)--&gt;&lt;!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--&gt;

* Of all human ills, greatest is fortune's wayward tyranny.
** Line 486 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)&lt;!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--&gt;

* Ὦ παῖ, γένοιο πατρὸς εὐτυχέστερος,&lt;br/&gt;τὰ δ᾽ ἄλλ᾽ ὅμοιος: καὶ γένοι᾽ ἂν οὐ κακός
** Ah, son, may you prove luckier than your father, but in all else like him. Then you would not prove base.
** Line 550 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)
**:&lt;small&gt;Cf. [[Lucius Accius]], ''Virtuti sis par, dispar fortunis patris.''&lt;/small&gt;

* χάρις χάριν γάρ ἐστιν ἡ τίκτουσ᾽ ἀεί&lt;br/&gt;ὅτου δ᾽ ἀπορρεῖ μνῆστις εὖ πεπονθότος,&lt;br/&gt;οὐκ ἂν γένοιτ᾽ ἔθ᾽ οὗτος εὐγενὴς ἀνήρ.
** For kindness begets kindness evermore, &lt;br/&gt; But he from whose mind fades the memory &lt;br/&gt; Of benefits, noble is he no more.
** Line 522 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)

* ἐχθρῶν ἄδωρα δώρα κοὐκ ὀνήσιμα.
** The gifts of enemies are no gifts and bring no good.
** Line 665 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)

* Men of ill judgement&lt;!--'judgment'--&gt; oft ignore the good &lt;br/&gt; That lies within their hands, till they have lost it.
** Line 964 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)&lt;!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--&gt;

* θεοῖς τέθνηκεν οὗτος, οὐ κείνοισιν, οὔ.
** He died before the gods, not at all before them—no!
** Line 970 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)

=== ''[[w:Oedipus Rex|Oedipus Rex]]'' ===

[[File:Œdipe explique l'énigme du sphinx - Jean-Auguste Dominique Ingres - Musée du Louvre Peintures RF 218.jpg|thumb|Look on Oedipus.&lt;br /&gt;He solved the famous riddle, with his brilliance,&lt;br /&gt;he rose to power, a man beyond all power.&lt;br /&gt;Who could behold his greatness without envy?]]

* How dreadful knowledge of the truth can be &lt;br/&gt; When there's no help in truth!
** Line 316 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949)&lt;!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--&gt;
**: Wisdom is a curse &lt;br&gt; when wisdom does nothing for the man who has it. &lt;br&gt; (tr. Stephen Berg and Diskin Clay, 1978)

* I will never reveal my dreadful secrets, or rather, yours.
** Line 332&lt;!--?--&gt;, Teiresias loq. (tr. Bernard M. W. Knox, 1959)
**: I will not wound myself nor thee. Why seek &lt;br/&gt; To trap and question me? I will not speak. &lt;br/&gt; (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1911)
**: Nay, I see that thou, on thy part, openest not thy lips in season: therefore I speak not, that neither may I have thy mishap. &lt;br/&gt; (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)

* The tyrant is a child of Pride &lt;br/&gt; Who drinks from his sickening cup &lt;br/&gt; Recklessness and vanity, &lt;br/&gt; Until from his high crest headlong &lt;br/&gt; He plummets to the dust of hope.
** Line 872 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949)

* Fear? What has a man to do with fear? Chance rules our lives, and the future is all unknown. Best live as we may, from day to day.
** Line 1069, Jocasta loq. (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947)
**: Nay, what should mortal fear, for whom the decrees of fortune are supreme and who hath clear foresight of nothing? 'Tis best to live at random, as one may. (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)

* I am the child of Fortune, &lt;br/&gt;The giver of good, and I shall not be shamed. &lt;br/&gt;She is my mother; my sisters are the Seasons; &lt;br/&gt;My rising and my falling match with theirs. &lt;br/&gt;Born thus, I ask to be no other man &lt;br/&gt;Than that I am, and will know who I am.
** Line 1080 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947)
**: I am Fortune's child, &lt;br/&gt;Not man's; her mother face hath ever smiled &lt;br/&gt;Above me, and my brethren of the sky, &lt;br/&gt;The changing Moons, have changed me low and high. &lt;br/&gt;There is my lineage true, which none shall wrest &lt;br/&gt;From me; who then am I to fear this quest? &lt;br/&gt; (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1911)

* The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves.
** Line 1184, Second Messenger loq. (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) 
**: The keenest sorrow is to recognize ourselves as the sole cause of all our adversities.&lt;!--Robert and Mary Collison, ''Dictionary of Foreign Quotations'' (New York: Facts on File, 1980), p. 6--&gt;

* Time eases all things.
** Line 1515 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) 

* Let every man in mankind's frailty &lt;br/&gt; Consider his last day; and let none &lt;br/&gt; Presume on his good fortune until he find &lt;br/&gt; Life, at his death, a memory without pain.
** Line 1529, Choragos loq. (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) 
**: Look upon him, O my Thebans, on your king, the child of fame!&lt;br /&gt;This mighty man, this Œdipus the lore far-famed could guess,&lt;br /&gt;And envy from each Theban won, so great his lordliness—&lt;br /&gt;Lo to what a surge of sorrow and confusion hath he come!&lt;br /&gt;Let us call no mortal happy till our eyes have seen the doom&lt;br /&gt;And the death-day come upon him—till, unharassed by mischance,&lt;br /&gt;He pass the bound of mortal life, the goal of ordinance.&lt;br /&gt;(tr. E. D. A. Morshead, 1885)&lt;!--E. D. A. Morshead, ''Oedipus the King'' (London: Macmillan and Co., 1885)--&gt;
**: People of Thebes, my countrymen, look on Oedipus.&lt;br /&gt;He solved the famous riddle, with his brilliance,&lt;br /&gt;he rose to power, a man beyond all power.&lt;br /&gt;Who could behold his greatness without envy?&lt;br /&gt;Now what a black sea of terror has overwhelmed him.&lt;br /&gt;Now as we keep our watch and wait the final day,&lt;br /&gt;count no man happy till he dies, free of pain at last.&lt;br /&gt;(tr. Robert Fagles, 1982)&lt;!--Cited in [[Thomas Cahill]], ''Sailing the Wine-Dark Sea'' (2003)--&gt;

=== ''[[w:Antigone|Antigone]]'' ===
[[File:Lytras nikiforos antigone polynices.jpeg |thumb|right|Think not that your word and yours alone must be right.]]
* '''For God hates utterly &lt;br/&gt; The bray of bragging tongues.'''
** Line 123 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938)

* Our [[Ship of State]], which recent storms have threatened to destroy, has come safely to harbor at last.
** Line 163 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938)

* I have nothing but contempt for the kind of governor who is afraid, for whatever reason, to follow the course that he knows is best for the State; and as for the man who sets private friendship above the public welfare — I have no use for him, either.
** Line 181 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938)

* Nobody likes the man who brings bad news.
** Line 277 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938); cf. &quot;Don’t shoot the messenger.&quot;

* [[Money]]! There's nothing in the world so demoralizing as money.
** Line 295 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938)

* Nothing so evil as money ever grew to be current among men. This lays cities low, this drives men from their homes, this trains and warps honest souls till they set themselves to works of shame; this still teaches folk to practise villainies, and to know every godless deed. But all the men who wrought this thing for hire have made it sure that, soon or late, they shall pay the price.
** Line 295-303 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)

* Henceforth ye may thieve with better knowledge whence lucre should be won, and learn that it is not well to love gain from every source. For thou wilt find that ill-gotten pelf brings more men to ruin than to weal.
** Lines 311-314 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)

* πολλὰ τὰ δεινὰ κοὐδὲν ἀν- &lt;br/&gt; θρώπου δεινότερον πέλει.
** '''Numberless are the world's wonders, but none &lt;br/&gt; More wonderful than man.'''
** Line 333, Second Chorus, Ode I (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938)
**: There are many wonderful things, and nothing is more wonderful than man. (tr. R. W. Livingstone, 1935)&lt;!--''Greek Ideals and Modern Life'' (Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1935), p. 62--&gt;

* It is a good thing &lt;br/&gt; To escape from death, but it is not great pleasure &lt;br/&gt; To bring death to a friend.
** Line 437

* ὅστις γὰρ ἐν πολλοῖσιν ὡς ἐγὼ κακοῖς&lt;br/&gt;ζῇ, πῶς ὅδ᾽ οὐχὶ κατθανὼν κέρδος φέρει
** For whoso lives, as I, in many woes,&lt;br/&gt;How can it be but death shall bring him gain?
*** Lines 463-464 (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)&lt;!--Cited in T. B. Harbottle, ''Dictionary of Quotations: Classical'' (1897), p. 445--&gt;

* '''[[Grief]] teaches the steadiest minds to waver.'''
** Line 563 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938)

* Happy are they who know not the taste of evil.
** Line 583, Third Chorus 3, Ode II (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947)

* τὸ κακὸν δοκεῖν ποτ᾽ ἐσθλὸν τῷδ᾽ ἔμμεν' ὅτῳ φρένας θεὸς ἄγει πρὸς ἄταν
** Evil seems good, soon or late, to him whose mind the god draws to mischief
** Lines 620-3&lt;!--622-624--&gt; (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893), a &quot;[[w:Whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad|famous saying]]&quot;&lt;!--Unsourced translation: &quot;Evil sometimes seems good / To a man whose mind / A god leads to destruction.&quot;--&gt;

* Show me the man who keeps his house in hand, &lt;br/&gt; He's fit for public authority.
** Line 660 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938)

* μή νυν ἓν ἦθος μοῦνον ἐν σαυτῷ φόρει, &lt;br/&gt; ὡς φὴς σύ, κοὐδὲν ἄλλο, τοῦτ᾽ ὀρθῶς ἔχειν.
** '''Think not that thy word, and thine alone, must be right.'''
** Line 706 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)
**: Think not that your word and yours alone must be right. (ed. Moses Hadas, 1965)&lt;!--''Greek Drama'' (Bantam Books, 1965), p. 97--&gt;

* ἀλλ᾽ ἄνδρα, κεἴ τις ᾖ σοφός, τὸ μανθάνειν &lt;br/&gt; πόλλ᾽.
** '''It is no weakness for the wisest man &lt;br/&gt; To learn when he is wrong.'''
** Line 710 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) 

* '''The ideal condition &lt;br/&gt; Would be, I admit, that men should be right by instinct; &lt;br/&gt; But since we are all too likely to go astray, &lt;br/&gt; The reasonable thing is to learn from those who can teach.'''
** Line 720 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938)

* [[Love]], unconquerable, &lt;br/&gt; Waster of rich men, keeper &lt;br/&gt; Of warm lights and all-night vigil &lt;br/&gt; In the soft face of a girl: &lt;br/&gt; Sea-wanderer, forest-visitor! &lt;br/&gt; Even the pure immortals cannot escape you, &lt;br/&gt; And mortal man, in his one day's dusk, &lt;br/&gt; Trembles before your glory.
** Line 781, Fourth Chorus, Ode III (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938)

* τοῖς πᾶσι κοινόν ἐστι τοὐξαμαρτάνειν: &lt;br/&gt; ἐπεὶ δ᾽ ἁμάρτῃ, κεῖνος οὐκέτ᾽ ἔστ᾽ ἀνὴρ &lt;br/&gt; ἄβουλος οὐδ᾽ ἄνολβος, ὅστις ἐς κακὸν &lt;br/&gt; πεσὼν ἀκῆται μηδ᾽ ἀκίνητος πέλῃ.
** All men are liable to err; but when an error hath been made, that man is no longer witless or unblest who heals the ill into which he hath fallen, and remains not stubborn.
** Lines 1024-1027 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893); cf. [[Book of Proverbs]] 28:13
**: All men are liable to err. &lt;br/&gt; But when an error is made, that man is no longer &lt;br/&gt; unwise or unblessed who heals the evil &lt;br/&gt; into which he has fallen and does not remain stubborn. (ed. Moses Hadas, 1965)

* ὅσῳ κράτιστον κτημάτων εὐβουλία
** [[Wisdom]] outweighs any [[wealth]].
*** Line 1050 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938)

* '''There is no [[happiness]] where there is no [[wisdom]]; &lt;br/&gt; No wisdom but in submission to the [[gods]]. &lt;br/&gt; Big words are always punished, &lt;br/&gt; And proud men in old age learn to be wise.'''
** Line 1347, closing lines (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938)

=== [[w:Women of Trachis|''Trachiniae'']] ===

* There is an ancient saying, famous among men, that thou shouldst not judge fully of a man's life before he dieth, whether it should be called blest or wretched.
** Line 1 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

* A prudent mind can see room for misgiving, lest he who prospers should one day suffer reverse.
** Line 296 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892)

* They are not wise, then, who stand forth to buffet against Love; for Love rules the gods as he will, and me.
** Line 441 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892)

* Knowledge must come through action; thou canst have no test which is not fanciful, save by trial.
** Line 592 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) 
**: Knowledge must come through action; you can have no test which is not fanciful, save by trial. (ed. Moses Hadas, 1965)

* Rash indeed is he who reckons on the morrow, or haply on days beyond it; for tomorrow is not, until today is past.
** Line 943 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) 

=== [[w:Oedipus at Colonus|''Oedipus at Colonus'']] ===

* In a just cause the weak o'ercome the strong.
** Line 880 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

* μὴ φῦναι τὸν ἅπαντα νι- &lt;br/&gt; κᾷ λόγον.
** '''Not to be born is, past all prizing, best'''; but, when a man hath seen the light, this is next best by far, that with all speed he should go thither, whence he hath come.
** Line 1225, Chorus (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)&lt;!--Unsourced modernization: &quot;Not to be born is, beyond all estimation, best; but when a man has seen the light of day, this is next best by far, that with utmost speed he should go back from where he came.&quot;--&gt;
**:&lt;small&gt;Cf. [[W. B. Yeats|Yeats]], &quot;From ''Oedipus at Colonus''&quot; (1928) and [[W. H. Auden|Auden]], &quot;Death's Echo&quot; (1937)&lt;/small&gt;

* ἐν ᾧ τλάμων ὅδ᾽, οὐκ ἐγὼ μόνος, &lt;br/&gt; πάντοθεν βόρειος ὥς τις &lt;br/&gt; ἀκτὰ κυματοπλὴξ χειμερία κλονεῖται, &lt;br/&gt; ὣς καὶ τόνδε κατ᾽ ἄκρας &lt;br/&gt; δειναὶ κυματοαγεῖς &lt;br/&gt; ἆται κλονέουσιν ἀεὶ ξυνοῦσαι.
** In [[Old age|such years]] is yon hapless one, not I alone: and as some cape that fronts the North is lashed on every side by the waves of winter, so he also is fiercely lashed evermore by the dread troubles that break on him like billows.
** Line 1239, Chorus (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)

* One word &lt;br/&gt; Frees us of all the weight and pain of life: &lt;br/&gt; That word is love.
** Line 1616 (tr. Robert Fitzgerald, 1940)

=== Fragments ===
:&lt;small&gt;Greek text cited from S. Radt, ''Tragicorum Graecorum Fragmenta, vol. 4 Sophocles'' (Göttingen, 1999).&lt;/small&gt;

* ἀλλ᾿ οὐδὲν ἕρπει ψεῦδος εἰς γῆρας χρόνου.
** A lie never lives to be old.
** Frg. 62 TrGF; ''Acrisius'' (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

* τοῦ ζῆν γὰρ οὐδεὶς ὡς ὁ γηράσκων ἐρᾷ.
** No man loves life like him that's growing old.
** Frg. 66 TrGF; ''Acrisius'' (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

* ὅταν πάγου φανέντος αἰθρίου χεροῖν&lt;br&gt;κρύσταλλον ἁρπάσωσι παῖδες εὐπαγῆ,&lt;br&gt;τὰ πρῶτ᾿ ἔχουσιν ἡδονὰς ποταινίους·&lt;br&gt;τέλος δ᾿ ὁ θυμὸς οὔθ᾿ ὅπως ἀφῇ θέλει,&lt;br&gt;οὔτ᾿ ἐν χεροῖν τὸ κτῆμα σύμφορον μένειν.&lt;br&gt;οὕτω δὲ τοὺς ἐρῶντας αὑτὸς ἵμερος&lt;br&gt;δρᾶν καὶ τὸ μὴ δρᾶν πολλάκις προσίεται.
** When ice appears out of doors, and boys seize it up while it is solid, at first they experience new pleasures. But in the end their pride will not agree to let it go, but their acquisition is not good for them if it stays in their hands. In the same way an identical desire drives lovers to act and not to act.
** Frg. 149.3–9 TrGF; ''The Lovers of Achilles'' (tr. Lloyd-Jones, 1996)
** Often paraphrased: &quot;Love is like ice in the hands of children.&quot;

* πρὸς ταῦτα κρύπτε μηδέν· ὡς ὁ πάνθ᾿ ὁρῶν&lt;br&gt;καὶ πάντ᾿ ἀκούων πάντ᾿ ἀναπτύσσει χρόνος.
** Do nothing secretly; for Time sees and hears all things, and discloses all.
** Frg. 301 TrGF; ''Hipponous'' (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

* καλὸν μὲν οὖν οὐκ ἔστι τὰ ψευδῆ λέγειν·&lt;br&gt;ὅτῳ δ᾿ ὄλεθρον δεινὸν ἁλήθει᾿ ἄγει,&lt;br&gt;συγγνωστὸν εἰπεῖν ἐστι καὶ τὸ μὴ καλόν.
** Truly, to tell lies is not honorable; &lt;br&gt; But when the truth entails tremendous ruin, &lt;br&gt; To speak dishonorably is pardonable.
** Frg. 352 TrGF; ''Creusa'' (''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968)

* τὸ μὴ γὰρ εἶναι κρεῖσσον ἢ τὸ ζῆν κακῶς.
** It is better not to live at all than to live disgraced.
** Frg. 488 TrGF; ''Peleus'' (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

* φιλεῖ γὰρ ἄνδρας πόλεμος ἀγρεύειν νέους.
** War loves to seek its victims in the young.
** Frg. 554 TrGF; ''Scyrii'' (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

* ἀλλ᾿ εἰ μὲν ἦν κλαίουσιν ἰᾶσθαι κακᾶ&lt;br&gt;καὶ τὸν θανόντα δακρύοις ἀνιστάναι,&lt;br&gt;ὁ χρυσὸς ἧσσον κτῆμα τοῦ κλαίειν ἂν ἦν.
** If it were possible to heal sorrow by weeping and to raise the dead with tears, gold were less prized than grief.
** Frg. 557.1–3 TrGF; ''Scyrii'' (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

* ἀλλ᾿ εἰσὶ μητρὶ παῖδες ἄγκυραι βίου.
** Children are the anchors of a mother's life.
** Frg. 685 TrGF; ''Phaedra'' (tr. [https://archive.org/details/greekwayantholog0000free/page/80/mode/2up K. Freeman, 1947])

* ἀεὶ γὰρ εὖ πίπτουσιν οἱ Διὸς κύβοι.
** The dice of Zeus fall ever luckily.
** Frg. 895 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

* οὐ τοῖς ἀθύμοις ἡ τύχη ξυλλαμβάνει.
** Fortune is not on the side of the faint-hearted.
** Frg. 927 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) 

* ὅρκος γὰρ οὐδεὶς ἀνδρὶ φιλήτῃ βαρύς.
** No oath can be too binding for a lover.
** Frg. 933 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) 

* γνῶμαι πλέον κρατοῦσιν ἢ σθένος χερῶν.
** Thoughts are mightier than strength of hand.
** Frg. 939 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

* στέργειν δὲ τἀκπεσόντα καὶ θέσθαι πρέπει&lt;br&gt;σοφὸν κυβευτήν, ἀλλὰ μὴ στένειν τύχην.
** A wise player ought to accept his throws and score them, not bewail his luck.
** Frg. 947 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

* τἀληθὲς ἀεὶ πλεῖστον ἰσχύει λόγου.
** The truth is always the strongest argument.
** Frg. 955 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

* εἰ δείν᾿ ἔδρασας, δεινὰ καὶ παθεῖν σε δεῖ.
** If ills you do, ills also you must bear.
** Frg. 962 TrGF (tr. Pratten, Dods and Smith, 1867)&lt;!--B. P. Pratten, Marcus Dods, and Thomas Smith, ''The Writings of Tatian and Theophilus: and The Clementine Recognitions'', Anti-Nicene Christian Library 2 (Edinburgh T. and T. Clark, 1867), p. 106--&gt;

== Attributed ==

* καὶ δὴ καὶ Σοφοκλεῖ ποτε τῷ ποιητῇ παρεγενόμην ἐρωτωμένῳ ὑπό τινος· 'πῶς' ἔφη, 'ὦ Σοφόκλεις, ἔχεις πρὸς τἀφροδίσια; ἔτι οἷός τε εἶ γυναικὶ συγγίγνεσθαι;' καὶ ὅς 'εὐφήμει' ἔφη, 'ὦ ἄνθρωπε· ἀσμενέστατα μέντοι αὐτὸ ἀπέφυγον, ὥσπερ λυττῶντά τινα καὶ ἄγριον δεσπότην ἀποφυγών.'
** {{smallcaps|Cephalus}}: I remember hearing Sophocles the poet greeted by a fellow who asked, &quot;How about your service of Aphrodite, Sophocles—is your natural force still unabated?&quot; And he replied, &quot;Hush, man, most gladly have I escaped this thing you talk of, as if I had run away from a raging and savage beast of a master.&quot;
** [[Plato]], ''Republic'', I.329b–c (tr. Paul Shorey, 1930, 1937)

* εἰ μέν εἰμι Σοφοκλῆς, οὐ παραφρονῶ· εἰ δὲ παραφρονῶ, οὐκ εἰμὶ Σοφοκλῆς.
** If I am Sophocles, I am not mad; and if I am mad, I am not Sophocles.
** ''Life of Sophocles'' (T 1 TrGF), 13 (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)&lt;!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 7th ed., 1876--&gt;

{{Misattributed begin}}

== Misattributed ==

* βραχεῖ λόγῳ δὲ πολλὰ πρόσκειται σοφά.
** A short saying often contains much wisdom.
** Adesp. 1b.3 TrGF; ''Aletes'' (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)
** External testimony and stylistic evidence strongly suggest the ''Aletes'' is not by Sophocles ([https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-2/page/4/mode/2up S. Radt 2007:4]).

* θεὸς δὲ τοῖς ἀργοῦσιν οὐ παρίσταται.
** Heaven ne'er helps the men who will not act.
** Adesp. 527 TrGF (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)&lt;!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 7th ed., 1876--&gt;
** Anonymous verse mistakenly attached to Sophocles' frg. 308 TrGF (''Iphigenia'') due to a confusion in Stobaeus, ''Anthology'', III.30.6 ([https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-4-sophocles/page/272/mode/2up S. Radt 1999:272]; [https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-2/page/148/mode/2up 2007:148]).

{{Misattributed end}}

== Quotes about Sophocles ==

* ὁ δ’εὔκολος μὲν ἐνθάδ’, εὔκολος δ’ἐκεῖ
** Sweet-tempered as on earth, so here below.
** [[Aristophanes]], ''Frogs'' (tr. Storr, 1912)&lt;!--F. Storr, ''Sophocles'', [https://archive.org/details/LoebClassicalLibraryL020/page/n19/mode/2up Vol. 1], LCL 20 (1912), p. ix--&gt;

* Be his&lt;br /&gt;My special thanks, whose '''even-balanced soul'''&lt;br /&gt;From first youth tested up to extreme old age&lt;br /&gt;Business could not make dull, nor passion wild;&lt;br /&gt;'''Who saw life steadily, and saw it whole''';&lt;br /&gt;'''The mellow glory of the Attic stage''',&lt;br /&gt;Singer of sweet Colonus, and its child.
** [[Matthew Arnold]], Sonnet &quot;To a Friend&quot; (1849)

* Listen! you hear the grating roar &lt;br /&gt; Of pebbles which the waves draw back, and fling, &lt;br /&gt; At their return, up the high strand. &lt;br /&gt; Begin, and cease, and then again begin, &lt;br /&gt; With tremulous cadence slow, and bring &lt;br /&gt; The eternal note of sadness in. {{pb}} Sophocles long ago &lt;br /&gt; Heard it on the Ægæan, and it brought &lt;br /&gt; Into his mind the turbid ebb and flow &lt;br /&gt; Of human misery; we &lt;br /&gt; Find also in the sound a thought, &lt;br /&gt; Hearing it by this distant northern sea.
** Matthew Arnold, &quot;[[w:Dover Beach|Dover Beach]]&quot; (1867)

* ... Sophocles, the poet loved and feared,&lt;br&gt;Whose mighty voice once called out of her lair&lt;br&gt;The Dorian muse severe, with braided hair,&lt;br&gt;Who loved the thyrsus and wild dances weird.
** [[W:Edmund Gosse|Edmund Gosse]], &quot;The Tomb of Sophocles&quot;

* The first part of the [[w:Ajax (play)|Ajax]] is prodigiously fine. I do not know that the agonies of wounded honour have ever been so sublimely represented... But the interest of the piece dies with Ajax. In the debates which follow, Sophocles does not succeed as well as [[Euripides]] would have done. The odes, too, are not very good.
** [[Thomas Babington Macaulay]], quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473

* I have been less pleased with this perusal of the [[w:Oedipus Rex|Œdipus Tyrannus]] than I was when I read it in January; perhaps because I then read it all at one sitting. The construction seems to me less perfect than I formerly thought it. But nothing can exceed the skill with which the discovery is managed. The agony of Œdipus is so unutterably grand; and the tender sorrow, in which his mind at last reposes after his daughters have been brought to him, is as moving as anything in the Greek Drama.
** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473

* The [[w:Philoctetes (Sophocles play)|Philoctetes]] is a most noble play; conspicuous even among the works of Sophocles for the grace and majesty of effect produced by the most simple means. There is more character in it than in any play in the Greek language; two or three of Euripides's best excepted.
** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{wikisource author}}
* H. Lloyd-Jones, ''Sophocles: Fragments'', [[w:Loeb Classical Library|LCL 483]] (Harvard UP, 1996)
* [[Edward Plumptre|E. H. Plumptre]], ''The Tragedies of Sophocles: A New Translation'' (1865, 1878)
* [[Richard Claverhouse Jebb|R. C. Jebb]], ''Sophocles: The Plays and Fragments'', 3rd ed. (Cambridge UP, 1893)
* A. C. Pearson, ''The Fragments of Sophocles'', with additional notes from the papers of Sir R. C. Jebb and [[Walter Headlam|W. G. Headlam]] (Cambridge UP, 1917), vols. [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw01sophuoft/page/n7/mode/2up 1], [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw02sophuoft/page/n9/mode/2up 2], [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw03sophuoft 3]

[[Category:Playwrights from Greece]]
[[Category:Poets from Greece]]
[[Category:Politicians from Greece]]
[[Category:Clergy]]
[[Category:Gay poets]]
[[Category:BCE births]]
[[Category:BCE deaths]]
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      <text bytes="32671" sha1="40bhlptmmh7x4i0nrg9hgqqcaofne4y" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Beeld van Sophocles in het Lateraans Museum te Rome SOFOCLE MUSEO LATERANENSE, RP-F-00-4471 (cropped).jpg|thumb|right|It is no weakness for the wisest man to learn when he is wrong.]]
'''[[w:Sophocles|Sophocles]]''' (Greek: Σοφοκλῆς; c. 497/496 – winter 406/405 BC) was an ancient Greek tragedian known as one of three from whom at least two plays have survived in full. His first plays were written later than, or contemporary with, those of [[Aeschylus]] and earlier than, or contemporary with, those of [[Euripides]].

== Quotes ==
:&lt;small&gt;Greek text cited from H. Lloyd-Jones, N. G. Wilson, ''Sophoclis Fabulae'' (Oxford, 1990).&lt;/small&gt;

=== [[w:Ajax (play)|''Ajax'']] ===

* γύναι, γυναιξὶ κόσμον ἡ σιγὴ φέρει.
** Woman, silence graces woman.
** Line 293 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)

* ἀλλ᾿ ἢ καλῶς ζῆν ἢ καλῶς τεθνηκέναι&lt;br&gt;τὸν εὐγενῆ χρή.
** Nobly to live, or else nobly to die, &lt;br/&gt; Befits proud birth.
** Lines 479–480 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)&lt;!--[https://archive.org/details/cu31924026593446/page/n7/mode/2up ''The Ajax of Sophocles''] (London: George Allen &amp; Unwin Ltd., 1919)--&gt;&lt;!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--&gt;

* τῆς ἀναγκαίας τύχης&lt;br&gt;οὐκ ἔστιν οὐδὲν μεῖζον ἀνθρώποις κακόν.
** Of all human ills, greatest is fortune's wayward tyranny.
** Line 485–486 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)&lt;!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--&gt;

* χάρις χάριν γάρ ἐστιν ἡ τίκτουσ᾿ ἀεί·&lt;br&gt;ὅτου δ᾿ ἀπορρεῖ μνῆστις εὖ πεπονθότος,&lt;br&gt;οὐκ ἂν γένοιτ᾿ ἔθ᾿ οὗτος εὐγενὴς ἀνήρ.
** For kindness begets kindness evermore, &lt;br/&gt; But he from whose mind fades the memory &lt;br/&gt; Of benefits, noble is he no more.
** Line 522–524 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)

* ὦ παῖ, γένοιο πατρὸς εὐτυχέστερος,&lt;br&gt;τὰ δ᾿ ἄλλ᾿ ὁμοῖος· καὶ γένοι᾿ ἂν οὐ κακός.
** Ah, son, may you prove luckier than your father, but in all else like him. Then you would not prove base.
** Lines 550–551 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)
*:&lt;small&gt;Compare [[Lucius Accius]]: ''Virtuti sis par, dispar fortunis patris.''&lt;/small&gt;

* ἐχθρῶν ἄδωρα δῶρα κοὐκ ὀνήσιμα.
** The gifts of enemies are no gifts and bring no good.
** Line 665 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)

* οἱ γὰρ κακοὶ γνώμαισι τἀγάθ᾿ ἐν χεροῖν&lt;br&gt;ἔχοντες οὐκ ἴσασι πρίν τις ἐκβάλῃ.
** Men of ill judgement&lt;!--'judgment'--&gt; oft ignore the good &lt;br/&gt; That lies within their hands, till they have lost it.
** Lines 964–965 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)&lt;!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--&gt;

* θεοῖς τέθνηκεν οὗτος, οὐ κείνοισιν, οὔ.
** He died before the gods, not at all before them—no!
** Line 970 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)

=== [[w:Electra (Sophocles play)|''Electra'']] ===

* οὐ γὰρ θανεῖν ἔχθιστον, ἀλλ᾿ ὅταν θανεῖν&lt;br&gt;χρῄζων τις εἶτα μηδὲ τοῦτ᾿ ἔχῃ λαβεῖν.
** Death is not the worst evil, but rather when we wish to die and cannot.
** Lines 1007–1008 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

=== ''{{w|Oedipus Rex}}'' ===

[[File:Œdipe explique l'énigme du sphinx - Jean-Auguste Dominique Ingres - Musée du Louvre Peintures RF 218.jpg|thumb|Look on Oedipus.&lt;br /&gt;He solved the famous riddle, with his brilliance,&lt;br /&gt;he rose to power, a man beyond all power.&lt;br /&gt;Who could behold his greatness without envy?]]

* φεῦ φεῦ, φρονεῖν ὡς δεινὸν ἔνθα μὴ τέλη&lt;br&gt;λύῃ φρονοῦντι.
** {{smallcaps|Teiresias}}: How dreadful knowledge of the truth can be &lt;br/&gt; When there's no help in truth!
** Lines 316–317 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949)&lt;!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--&gt;
**: Wisdom is a curse &lt;br&gt; when wisdom does nothing for the man who has it. &lt;br&gt; (tr. Stephen Berg and Diskin Clay, 1978)

* ἐγὼ οὔτ᾿ ἐμαυτὸν οὔτε σ᾿ ἀλγυνῶ. τί ταῦτ᾿&lt;br&gt;ἄλλως ἐλέγχεις; οὐ γὰρ ἂν πύθοιό μου.
** {{smallcaps|Teiresias}}: I will not wound myself nor thee. Why seek &lt;br/&gt; To trap and question me? I will not speak.
** Lines 332–333 (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1911)
**: Nay, I see that thou, on thy part, openest not thy lips in season: therefore I speak not, that neither may I have thy mishap. &lt;br/&gt; (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)
**: I will never reveal my dreadful secrets, or rather, yours. (tr. Bernard M. W. Knox, 1959)

* ὕβρις φυτεύει τύραννον· ὕβρις, εἰ&lt;br&gt;πολλῶν ὑπερπλησθῇ μάταν,&lt;br&gt;ἃ μὴ ᾿πίκαιρα μηδὲ συμφέροντα,&lt;br&gt;ἀκρότατα γεῖσ᾿ ἀναβᾶσ᾿&lt;br&gt;ἀπότομον ὤρουσεν εἰς ἀνάγκαν&lt;br&gt;ἔνθ᾿ οὐ ποδὶ χρησίμῳ&lt;br&gt;χρῆται.
** The tyrant is a child of Pride &lt;br/&gt; Who drinks from his sickening cup &lt;br/&gt; Recklessness and vanity, &lt;br/&gt; Until from his high crest headlong &lt;br/&gt; He plummets to the dust of hope.
** Line 873–879 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949)

* τί δ᾿ ἂν φοβοῖτ᾿ ἄνθρωπος ᾧ τὰ τῆς τύχης&lt;br&gt;κρατεῖ, πρόνοια δ᾿ ἐστὶν οὐδενὸς σαφής;&lt;br&gt;εἰκῆ κράτιστον ζῆν, ὅπως δύναιτό τις.
** {{smallcaps|Jocasta}}: Fear? What has a man to do with fear? Chance rules our lives, and the future is all unknown. Best live as we may, from day to day.
** Line 977–979 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947)
**: Nay, what should mortal fear, for whom the decrees of fortune are supreme and who hath clear foresight of nothing? 'Tis best to live at random, as one may. (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)

* ἐγὼ δ᾿ ἐμαυτὸν παῖδα τῆς Τύχης νέμων&lt;br&gt;τῆς εὖ διδούσης οὐκ ἀτιμασθήσομαι.&lt;br&gt;τῆς γὰρ πέφυκα μητρός· οἱ δὲ συγγενεῖς&lt;br&gt;μῆνές με μικρὸν καὶ μέγαν διώρισαν.&lt;br&gt;τοιόσδε δ᾿ ἐκφὺς οὐκ ἂν ἐξέλθοιμ᾿ ἔτι&lt;br&gt;ποτ᾿ ἄλλος, ὥστε μὴ ᾿κμαθεῖν τοὐμὸν γένος.
** {{smallcaps|Oedipus}}: I am the child of Fortune, &lt;br/&gt;The giver of good, and I shall not be shamed. &lt;br/&gt;She is my mother; my sisters are the Seasons; &lt;br/&gt;My rising and my falling match with theirs. &lt;br/&gt;Born thus, I ask to be no other man &lt;br/&gt;Than that I am, and will know who I am.
** Line 1080–1085 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947)
**: I am Fortune's child, &lt;br/&gt;Not man's; her mother face hath ever smiled &lt;br/&gt;Above me, and my brethren of the sky, &lt;br/&gt;The changing Moons, have changed me low and high. &lt;br/&gt;There is my lineage true, which none shall wrest &lt;br/&gt;From me; who then am I to fear this quest? &lt;br/&gt; (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1911)

* τῶν δὲ πημονῶν&lt;br&gt;μάλιστα λυποῦσ᾿ αἳ φανῶσ᾿ αὐθαίρετοι.
** {{smallcaps|Second Messenger}}: The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves.
** Line 1230–1231, (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) 
**: The keenest sorrow is to recognize ourselves as the sole cause of all our adversities.&lt;!--Robert and Mary Collison, ''Dictionary of Foreign Quotations'' (New York: Facts on File, 1980), p. 6--&gt;

* πάντα γὰρ καιρῷ καλά.
** Time eases all things.
** Line 1516 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) 

* ὥστε θνητὸν ὄντ᾿ ἐκείνην τὴν τελευταίαν ἔδει&lt;br&gt;ἡμέραν ἐπισκοποῦντα μηδέν᾿ ὀλβίζειν, πρὶν ἂν&lt;br&gt;τέρμα τοῦ βίου περάσῃ μηδὲν ἀλγεινὸν παθών.
** {{smallcaps|Chorus}}: Let every man in mankind's frailty &lt;br/&gt; Consider his last day; and let none &lt;br/&gt; Presume on his good fortune until he find &lt;br/&gt; Life, at his death, a memory without pain.
** Lines 1528–1530 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) 
**: Look upon him, O my Thebans, on your king, the child of fame!&lt;br /&gt;This mighty man, this Œdipus the lore far-famed could guess,&lt;br /&gt;And envy from each Theban won, so great his lordliness—&lt;br /&gt;Lo to what a surge of sorrow and confusion hath he come!&lt;br /&gt;Let us call no mortal happy till our eyes have seen the doom&lt;br /&gt;And the death-day come upon him—till, unharassed by mischance,&lt;br /&gt;He pass the bound of mortal life, the goal of ordinance.&lt;br /&gt;(tr. E. D. A. Morshead, 1885)&lt;!--E. D. A. Morshead, ''Oedipus the King'' (London: Macmillan and Co., 1885)--&gt;
**: People of Thebes, my countrymen, look on Oedipus.&lt;br /&gt;He solved the famous riddle, with his brilliance,&lt;br /&gt;he rose to power, a man beyond all power.&lt;br /&gt;Who could behold his greatness without envy?&lt;br /&gt;Now what a black sea of terror has overwhelmed him.&lt;br /&gt;Now as we keep our watch and wait the final day,&lt;br /&gt;count no man happy till he dies, free of pain at last.&lt;br /&gt;(tr. Robert Fagles, 1982)&lt;!--Cited in [[Thomas Cahill]], ''Sailing the Wine-Dark Sea'' (2003)--&gt;

=== ''[[w:Antigone|Antigone]]'' ===
[[File:Lytras nikiforos antigone polynices.jpeg |thumb|right|Think not that your word and yours alone must be right.]]

* Ζεὺς γὰρ μεγάλης γλώσσης κόμπους&lt;br&gt;ὑπερεχθαίρει.
** For God hates utterly &lt;br/&gt; The bray of bragging tongues.
** Lines 127–128 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938)

* τὰ μὲν δὴ πόλεος ἀσφαλῶς θεοὶ&lt;br&gt;πολλῷ σάλῳ σείσαντες ὤρθωσαν πάλιν.
** Our [[Ship of State]], which recent storms have threatened to destroy, has come safely to harbor at last.
** Lines 162–163 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938)

* ἐμοὶ γὰρ ὅστις πᾶσαν εὐθύνων πόλιν&lt;br&gt;μὴ τῶν ἀρίστων ἅπτεται βουλευμάτων,&lt;br&gt;ἀλλ᾿ ἐκ φόβου του γλῶσσαν ἐγκλῄσας ἔχει,&lt;br&gt;κάκιστος εἶναι νῦν τε καὶ πάλαι δοκεῖ·&lt;br&gt;καὶ μείζον᾿ ὅστις ἀντὶ τῆς αὑτοῦ πάτρας&lt;br&gt;φίλον νομίζει, τοῦτον οὐδαμοῦ λέγω.
** I have nothing but contempt for the kind of governor who is afraid, for whatever reason, to follow the course that he knows is best for the State; and as for the man who sets private friendship above the public welfare — I have no use for him, either.
** Lines 178–183 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938)

* στέργει γὰρ οὐδεὶς ἄγγελον κακῶν ἐπῶν.
** Nobody likes the man who brings bad news.
** Line 277 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938); cf. &quot;Don’t shoot the messenger.&quot;

* οὐδὲν γὰρ ἀνθρώποισιν οἷον ἄργυρος&lt;br&gt;κακὸν νόμισμ᾿ ἔβλαστε. τοῦτο καὶ πόλεις&lt;br&gt;πορθεῖ, τόδ᾿ ἄνδρας ἐξανίστησιν δόμων·&lt;br&gt;τόδ᾿ ἐκδιδάσκει καὶ παραλλάσσει φρένας&lt;br&gt;χρηστὰς πρὸς αἰσχρὰ πράγμαθ᾿ ἵστασθαι βροτῶν·&lt;br&gt;πανουργίας δ᾿ ἔδειξεν ἀνθρώποις ἔχειν&lt;br&gt;καὶ παντὸς ἔργου δυσσέβειαν εἰδέναι.&lt;br&gt;ὅσοι δὲ μισθαρνοῦντες ἤνυσαν τάδε,&lt;br&gt;χρόνῳ ποτ᾿ ἐξέπραξαν ὡς δοῦναι δίκην.
** Nothing so evil as money ever grew to be current among men. This lays cities low, this drives men from their homes, this trains and warps honest souls till they set themselves to works of shame; this still teaches folk to practise villainies, and to know every godless deed. But all the men who wrought this thing for hire have made it sure that, soon or late, they shall pay the price.
** Line 295-303 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)
*** Alternative translation (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938; line 295):
*** [[Money]]! There's nothing in the world so demoralizing as money.

* ἵν᾿ εἰδότες ἔνθεν οἰστέον&lt;br&gt;τὸ λοιπὸν ἁρπάζητε, καὶ μάθηθ᾿ ὅτι&lt;br&gt;οὐκ ἐξ ἅπαντος δεῖ τὸ κερδαίνειν φιλεῖν.&lt;br&gt;ἐκ τῶν γὰρ αἰσχρῶν λημμάτων τοὺς πλείονας&lt;br&gt;ἀτωμένους ἴδοις ἂν ἢ σεσωμένους.
** Henceforth ye may thieve with better knowledge whence lucre should be won, and learn that it is not well to love gain from every source. For thou wilt find that ill-gotten pelf brings more men to ruin than to weal.
** Lines 310-314 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)

* πολλὰ τὰ δεινὰ κοὐδὲν ἀν- &lt;br/&gt; θρώπου δεινότερον πέλει.
** Numberless are the world's wonders, but none &lt;br/&gt; More wonderful than man.
** Lines 332–333&lt;!--, Second Chorus, Strophe I--&gt; (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938)
**: There are many wonderful things, and nothing is more wonderful than man. (tr. R. W. Livingstone, 1935)&lt;!--''Greek Ideals and Modern Life'' (Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1935), p. 62--&gt;

* τὸ μὲν γὰρ αὐτὸν ἐκ κακῶν πεφευγέναι&lt;br&gt;ἥδιστον, ἐς κακὸν δὲ τοὺς φίλους ἄγειν&lt;br&gt;ἀλγεινόν.
** It is a good thing &lt;br/&gt; To escape from death, but it is not great pleasure &lt;br/&gt; To bring death to a friend.
** Line 437–439

* ὅστις γὰρ ἐν πολλοῖσιν ὡς ἐγὼ κακοῖς&lt;br&gt;ζῇ, πῶς ὅδ᾽ οὐχὶ κατθανὼν κέρδος φέρει;
** For whoso lives, as I, in many woes,&lt;br/&gt;How can it be but death shall bring him gain?
*** Lines 463–464 (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)&lt;!--Cited in T. B. Harbottle, ''Dictionary of Quotations: Classical'' (1897), p. 445--&gt;

* οὐ γάρ ποτ᾿, ὦναξ, οὐδ᾿ ὃς ἂν βλάστῃ μένει&lt;br&gt;νοῦς τοῖς κακῶς πράσσουσιν, ἀλλ᾿ ἐξίσταται.
** [[Grief]] teaches the steadiest minds to waver.
** Lines 563–564 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938)

* εἰδαίμονες οἷσι κακῶν ἄγευστος αἰών.
** Happy are they who know not the taste of evil.
** Line 582&lt;!--, Third Chorus 3, Ode II--&gt; (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947)

* τὸ κακὸν δοκεῖν ποτ᾿ ἐσθλὸν&lt;br&gt;τῷδ᾿ ἔμμεν ὅτῳ φρένας&lt;br&gt;θεὸς ἄγει πρὸς ἄταν.
** Evil seems good, soon or late, to him whose mind the god draws to mischief.
** Lines 622–624 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893), a &quot;[[w:Whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad|famous saying]]&quot;&lt;!--Unsourced translation: &quot;Evil sometimes seems good / To a man whose mind / A god leads to destruction.&quot;--&gt;

* ἐν τοῖς γὰρ οἰκείοισιν ὅστις ἔστ᾿ ἀνὴρ&lt;br&gt;χρηστός, φανεῖται κἀν πόλει δίκαιος ὤν.
** Show me the man who keeps his house in hand, &lt;br/&gt; He's fit for public authority.
** Lines 661–662 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938)

* μή νυν ἓν ἦθος μοῦνον ἐν σαυτῷ φόρει,&lt;br&gt;ὡς φὴς σύ, κοὐδὲν ἄλλο, τοῦτ᾿ ὀρθῶς ἔχειν.
** Think not that thy word, and thine alone, must be right.
** Line 705–706 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)
**: Think not that your word and yours alone must be right. (ed. Moses Hadas, 1965)&lt;!--''Greek Drama'' (Bantam Books, 1965), p. 97--&gt;

* ἀλλ᾿ ἄνδρα, κεἴ τις ᾖ σοφός, τὸ μανθάνειν&lt;br&gt;πόλλ᾿ αἰσχρὸν οὐδὲν καὶ τὸ μὴ τείνειν ἄγαν.
** It is no weakness for the wisest man &lt;br/&gt; To learn when he is wrong.
** Lines 710–711 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) 

* φήμ᾿ ἔγωγε πρεσβεύειν πολὺ&lt;br&gt;φῦναι τὸν ἄνδρα πάντ᾿ ἐπιστήμης πλέων·&lt;br&gt;εἰ δ᾿ οὖν, φιλεῖ γὰρ τοῦτο μὴ ταύτῃ ῥέπειν,&lt;br&gt;καὶ τῶν λεγόντων εὖ καλὸν τὸ μανθάνειν.
** The ideal condition &lt;br/&gt; Would be, I admit, that men should be right by instinct; &lt;br/&gt; But since we are all too likely to go astray, &lt;br/&gt; The reasonable thing is to learn from those who can teach.
** Line 720–723 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938)

* Ἔρως ἀνίκατε μάχαν,&lt;br&gt;Ἔρως, ὃς ἐν κτήμασι πίπτεις,&lt;br&gt;ὃς ἐν μαλακαῖς παρειαῖς&lt;br&gt;νεάνιδος ἐννυχεύεις,&lt;br&gt;φοιτᾷς δ᾿ ὑπερπόντιος ἔν τ᾿&lt;br&gt;ἀγρονόμοις αὐλαῖς·&lt;br&gt;καί σ᾿ οὔτ᾿ ἀθανάτων φύξιμος οὐδεὶς&lt;br&gt;οὔθ᾿ ἁμερίων σέ γ᾿ ἀν-&lt;br&gt;θρώπων, ὁ δ᾿ ἔχων μέμηνεν.
** [[Love]], unconquerable, &lt;br/&gt; Waster of rich men, keeper &lt;br/&gt; Of warm lights and all-night vigil &lt;br/&gt; In the soft face of a girl: &lt;br/&gt; Sea-wanderer, forest-visitor! &lt;br/&gt; Even the pure immortals cannot escape you, &lt;br/&gt; And mortal man, in his one day's dusk, &lt;br/&gt; Trembles before your glory.
** Line 781–790&lt;!--, Fourth Chorus, Ode III--&gt; (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938)

* τοῖς πᾶσι κοινόν ἐστι τοὐξαμαρτάνειν·&lt;br&gt;ἐπεὶ δ᾿ ἁμάρτῃ, κεῖνος οὐκέτ᾿ ἔστ᾿ ἀνὴρ&lt;br&gt;ἄβουλος οὐδ᾿ ἄνολβος, ὅστις ἐς κακὸν&lt;br&gt;πεσὼν ἀκεῖται μηδ᾿ ἀκίνητος πέλει.
** All men are liable to err; but when an error hath been made, that man is no longer witless or unblest who heals the ill into which he hath fallen, and remains not stubborn.
** Lines 1024-1027 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893); cf. [[Book of Proverbs]] 28:13
**: All men are liable to err. &lt;br/&gt; But when an error is made, that man is no longer &lt;br/&gt; unwise or unblessed who heals the evil &lt;br/&gt; into which he has fallen and does not remain stubborn. (ed. Moses Hadas, 1965)

* ὅσῳ κράτιστον κτημάτων εὐβουλία.
** [[Wisdom]] outweighs any [[wealth]].
*** Line 1050 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938)

* πολλῷ τὸ φρονεῖν εὐδαιμονίας&lt;br&gt;πρῶτον ὑπάρχει· χρὴ δὲ τά γ᾿ ἐς θεοὺς&lt;br&gt;μηδὲν ἀσεπτεῖν· μεγάλοι δὲ λόγοι&lt;br&gt;μεγάλας πληγὰς τῶν ὑπεραύχων&lt;br&gt;ἀποτείσαντες&lt;br&gt;γήρᾳ τὸ φρονεῖν ἐδίδαξαν.
** There is no [[happiness]] where there is no [[wisdom]]; &lt;br/&gt; No wisdom but in submission to the [[gods]]. &lt;br/&gt; Big words are always punished, &lt;br/&gt; And proud men in old age learn to be wise.
** Line 1347–1353, closing lines (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938)

=== [[w:Women of Trachis|''Trachiniae'']] ===

* There is an ancient saying, famous among men, that thou shouldst not judge fully of a man's life before he dieth, whether it should be called blest or wretched.
** Line 1 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

* A prudent mind can see room for misgiving, lest he who prospers should one day suffer reverse.
** Line 296 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892)

* They are not wise, then, who stand forth to buffet against Love; for Love rules the gods as he will, and me.
** Line 441 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892)

* Knowledge must come through action; thou canst have no test which is not fanciful, save by trial.
** Line 592 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) 
**: Knowledge must come through action; you can have no test which is not fanciful, save by trial. (ed. Moses Hadas, 1965)

* Rash indeed is he who reckons on the morrow, or haply on days beyond it; for tomorrow is not, until today is past.
** Line 943 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) 

=== [[w:Oedipus at Colonus|''Oedipus at Colonus'']] ===

* In a just cause the weak o'ercome the strong.
** Line 880 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

* μὴ φῦναι τὸν ἅπαντα νι- &lt;br/&gt; κᾷ λόγον.
** '''Not to be born is, past all prizing, best'''; but, when a man hath seen the light, this is next best by far, that with all speed he should go thither, whence he hath come.
** Line 1225, Chorus (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)&lt;!--Unsourced modernization: &quot;Not to be born is, beyond all estimation, best; but when a man has seen the light of day, this is next best by far, that with utmost speed he should go back from where he came.&quot;--&gt;
**:&lt;small&gt;Cf. [[W. B. Yeats|Yeats]], &quot;From ''Oedipus at Colonus''&quot; (1928) and [[W. H. Auden|Auden]], &quot;Death's Echo&quot; (1937)&lt;/small&gt;

* ἐν ᾧ τλάμων ὅδ᾽, οὐκ ἐγὼ μόνος, &lt;br/&gt; πάντοθεν βόρειος ὥς τις &lt;br/&gt; ἀκτὰ κυματοπλὴξ χειμερία κλονεῖται, &lt;br/&gt; ὣς καὶ τόνδε κατ᾽ ἄκρας &lt;br/&gt; δειναὶ κυματοαγεῖς &lt;br/&gt; ἆται κλονέουσιν ἀεὶ ξυνοῦσαι.
** In [[Old age|such years]] is yon hapless one, not I alone: and as some cape that fronts the North is lashed on every side by the waves of winter, so he also is fiercely lashed evermore by the dread troubles that break on him like billows.
** Line 1239, Chorus (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)

* One word &lt;br/&gt; Frees us of all the weight and pain of life: &lt;br/&gt; That word is love.
** Line 1616 (tr. Robert Fitzgerald, 1940)

=== Fragments ===
:&lt;small&gt;Greek text cited from S. Radt, ''Tragicorum Graecorum Fragmenta, vol. 4 Sophocles'' (Göttingen, 1999).&lt;/small&gt;

* ἀλλ᾿ οὐδὲν ἕρπει ψεῦδος εἰς γῆρας χρόνου.
** A lie never lives to be old.
** Frg. 62 TrGF; ''Acrisius'' (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

* τοῦ ζῆν γὰρ οὐδεὶς ὡς ὁ γηράσκων ἐρᾷ.
** No man loves life like him that's growing old.
** Frg. 66 TrGF; ''Acrisius'' (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

* ὅταν πάγου φανέντος αἰθρίου χεροῖν&lt;br&gt;κρύσταλλον ἁρπάσωσι παῖδες εὐπαγῆ,&lt;br&gt;τὰ πρῶτ᾿ ἔχουσιν ἡδονὰς ποταινίους·&lt;br&gt;τέλος δ᾿ ὁ θυμὸς οὔθ᾿ ὅπως ἀφῇ θέλει,&lt;br&gt;οὔτ᾿ ἐν χεροῖν τὸ κτῆμα σύμφορον μένειν.&lt;br&gt;οὕτω δὲ τοὺς ἐρῶντας αὑτὸς ἵμερος&lt;br&gt;δρᾶν καὶ τὸ μὴ δρᾶν πολλάκις προσίεται.
** When ice appears out of doors, and boys seize it up while it is solid, at first they experience new pleasures. But in the end their pride will not agree to let it go, but their acquisition is not good for them if it stays in their hands. In the same way an identical desire drives lovers to act and not to act.
** Frg. 149.3–9 TrGF; ''The Lovers of Achilles'' (tr. Lloyd-Jones, 1996)
** Often paraphrased: &quot;Love is like ice in the hands of children.&quot;

* πρὸς ταῦτα κρύπτε μηδέν· ὡς ὁ πάνθ᾿ ὁρῶν&lt;br&gt;καὶ πάντ᾿ ἀκούων πάντ᾿ ἀναπτύσσει χρόνος.
** Do nothing secretly; for Time sees and hears all things, and discloses all.
** Frg. 301 TrGF; ''Hipponous'' (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

* καλὸν μὲν οὖν οὐκ ἔστι τὰ ψευδῆ λέγειν·&lt;br&gt;ὅτῳ δ᾿ ὄλεθρον δεινὸν ἁλήθει᾿ ἄγει,&lt;br&gt;συγγνωστὸν εἰπεῖν ἐστι καὶ τὸ μὴ καλόν.
** Truly, to tell lies is not honorable; &lt;br&gt; But when the truth entails tremendous ruin, &lt;br&gt; To speak dishonorably is pardonable.
** Frg. 352 TrGF; ''Creusa'' (''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968)

* τὸ μὴ γὰρ εἶναι κρεῖσσον ἢ τὸ ζῆν κακῶς.
** It is better not to live at all than to live disgraced.
** Frg. 488 TrGF; ''Peleus'' (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

* φιλεῖ γὰρ ἄνδρας πόλεμος ἀγρεύειν νέους.
** War loves to seek its victims in the young.
** Frg. 554 TrGF; ''Scyrii'' (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

* ἀλλ᾿ εἰ μὲν ἦν κλαίουσιν ἰᾶσθαι κακᾶ&lt;br&gt;καὶ τὸν θανόντα δακρύοις ἀνιστάναι,&lt;br&gt;ὁ χρυσὸς ἧσσον κτῆμα τοῦ κλαίειν ἂν ἦν.
** If it were possible to heal sorrow by weeping and to raise the dead with tears, gold were less prized than grief.
** Frg. 557.1–3 TrGF; ''Scyrii'' (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

* ἀλλ᾿ εἰσὶ μητρὶ παῖδες ἄγκυραι βίου.
** Children are the anchors of a mother's life.
** Frg. 685 TrGF; ''Phaedra'' (tr. [https://archive.org/details/greekwayantholog0000free/page/80/mode/2up K. Freeman, 1947])

* ἀεὶ γὰρ εὖ πίπτουσιν οἱ Διὸς κύβοι.
** The dice of Zeus fall ever luckily.
** Frg. 895 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

* οὐ τοῖς ἀθύμοις ἡ τύχη ξυλλαμβάνει.
** Fortune is not on the side of the faint-hearted.
** Frg. 927 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) 

* ὅρκος γὰρ οὐδεὶς ἀνδρὶ φιλήτῃ βαρύς.
** No oath can be too binding for a lover.
** Frg. 933 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) 

* γνῶμαι πλέον κρατοῦσιν ἢ σθένος χερῶν.
** Thoughts are mightier than strength of hand.
** Frg. 939 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

* στέργειν δὲ τἀκπεσόντα καὶ θέσθαι πρέπει&lt;br&gt;σοφὸν κυβευτήν, ἀλλὰ μὴ στένειν τύχην.
** A wise player ought to accept his throws and score them, not bewail his luck.
** Frg. 947 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

* τἀληθὲς ἀεὶ πλεῖστον ἰσχύει λόγου.
** The truth is always the strongest argument.
** Frg. 955 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

* εἰ δείν᾿ ἔδρασας, δεινὰ καὶ παθεῖν σε δεῖ.
** If ills you do, ills also you must bear.
** Frg. 962 TrGF (tr. Pratten, Dods and Smith, 1867)&lt;!--B. P. Pratten, Marcus Dods, and Thomas Smith, ''The Writings of Tatian and Theophilus: and The Clementine Recognitions'', Anti-Nicene Christian Library 2 (Edinburgh T. and T. Clark, 1867), p. 106--&gt;

== Attributed ==

* καὶ δὴ καὶ Σοφοκλεῖ ποτε τῷ ποιητῇ παρεγενόμην ἐρωτωμένῳ ὑπό τινος· 'πῶς' ἔφη, 'ὦ Σοφόκλεις, ἔχεις πρὸς τἀφροδίσια; ἔτι οἷός τε εἶ γυναικὶ συγγίγνεσθαι;' καὶ ὅς 'εὐφήμει' ἔφη, 'ὦ ἄνθρωπε· ἀσμενέστατα μέντοι αὐτὸ ἀπέφυγον, ὥσπερ λυττῶντά τινα καὶ ἄγριον δεσπότην ἀποφυγών.'
** {{smallcaps|Cephalus}}: I remember hearing Sophocles the poet greeted by a fellow who asked, &quot;How about your service of Aphrodite, Sophocles—is your natural force still unabated?&quot; And he replied, &quot;Hush, man, most gladly have I escaped this thing you talk of, as if I had run away from a raging and savage beast of a master.&quot;
** [[Plato]], ''Republic'', I.329b–c (tr. Paul Shorey, 1930, 1937)

* εἰ μέν εἰμι Σοφοκλῆς, οὐ παραφρονῶ· εἰ δὲ παραφρονῶ, οὐκ εἰμὶ Σοφοκλῆς.
** If I am Sophocles, I am not mad; and if I am mad, I am not Sophocles.
** ''Life of Sophocles'' (T 1 TrGF), 13 (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)&lt;!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 7th ed., 1876--&gt;

{{Misattributed begin}}

== Misattributed ==

* βραχεῖ λόγῳ δὲ πολλὰ πρόσκειται σοφά.
** A short saying often contains much wisdom.
** Adesp. 1b.3 TrGF; ''Aletes'' (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)
** External testimony and stylistic evidence strongly suggest the ''Aletes'' is not by Sophocles ([https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-2/page/4/mode/2up S. Radt 2007:4]).

* θεὸς δὲ τοῖς ἀργοῦσιν οὐ παρίσταται.
** Heaven ne'er helps the men who will not act.
** Adesp. 527 TrGF (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)&lt;!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 7th ed., 1876--&gt;
** Anonymous verse mistakenly attached to Sophocles' frg. 308 TrGF (''Iphigenia'') due to a confusion in Stobaeus, ''Anthology'', III.30.6 ([https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-4-sophocles/page/272/mode/2up S. Radt 1999:272]; [https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-2/page/148/mode/2up 2007:148]).

{{Misattributed end}}

== Quotes about Sophocles ==

* ὁ δ’εὔκολος μὲν ἐνθάδ’, εὔκολος δ’ἐκεῖ
** Sweet-tempered as on earth, so here below.
** [[Aristophanes]], ''Frogs'' (tr. Storr, 1912)&lt;!--F. Storr, ''Sophocles'', [https://archive.org/details/LoebClassicalLibraryL020/page/n19/mode/2up Vol. 1], LCL 20 (1912), p. ix--&gt;

* Be his&lt;br /&gt;My special thanks, whose '''even-balanced soul'''&lt;br /&gt;From first youth tested up to extreme old age&lt;br /&gt;Business could not make dull, nor passion wild;&lt;br /&gt;'''Who saw life steadily, and saw it whole''';&lt;br /&gt;'''The mellow glory of the Attic stage''',&lt;br /&gt;Singer of sweet Colonus, and its child.
** [[Matthew Arnold]], Sonnet &quot;To a Friend&quot; (1849)

* Listen! you hear the grating roar &lt;br /&gt; Of pebbles which the waves draw back, and fling, &lt;br /&gt; At their return, up the high strand. &lt;br /&gt; Begin, and cease, and then again begin, &lt;br /&gt; With tremulous cadence slow, and bring &lt;br /&gt; The eternal note of sadness in. {{pb}} Sophocles long ago &lt;br /&gt; Heard it on the Ægæan, and it brought &lt;br /&gt; Into his mind the turbid ebb and flow &lt;br /&gt; Of human misery; we &lt;br /&gt; Find also in the sound a thought, &lt;br /&gt; Hearing it by this distant northern sea.
** Matthew Arnold, &quot;[[w:Dover Beach|Dover Beach]]&quot; (1867)

* ... Sophocles, the poet loved and feared,&lt;br&gt;Whose mighty voice once called out of her lair&lt;br&gt;The Dorian muse severe, with braided hair,&lt;br&gt;Who loved the thyrsus and wild dances weird.
** [[W:Edmund Gosse|Edmund Gosse]], &quot;The Tomb of Sophocles&quot;

* The first part of the [[w:Ajax (play)|Ajax]] is prodigiously fine. I do not know that the agonies of wounded honour have ever been so sublimely represented... But the interest of the piece dies with Ajax. In the debates which follow, Sophocles does not succeed as well as [[Euripides]] would have done. The odes, too, are not very good.
** [[Thomas Babington Macaulay]], quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473

* I have been less pleased with this perusal of the [[w:Oedipus Rex|Œdipus Tyrannus]] than I was when I read it in January; perhaps because I then read it all at one sitting. The construction seems to me less perfect than I formerly thought it. But nothing can exceed the skill with which the discovery is managed. The agony of Œdipus is so unutterably grand; and the tender sorrow, in which his mind at last reposes after his daughters have been brought to him, is as moving as anything in the Greek Drama.
** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473

* The [[w:Philoctetes (Sophocles play)|Philoctetes]] is a most noble play; conspicuous even among the works of Sophocles for the grace and majesty of effect produced by the most simple means. There is more character in it than in any play in the Greek language; two or three of Euripides's best excepted.
** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{wikisource author}}
* H. Lloyd-Jones, ''Sophocles: Fragments'', [[w:Loeb Classical Library|LCL 483]] (Harvard UP, 1996)
* [[Edward Plumptre|E. H. Plumptre]], ''The Tragedies of Sophocles: A New Translation'' (1865, 1878)
* [[Richard Claverhouse Jebb|R. C. Jebb]], ''Sophocles: The Plays and Fragments'', 3rd ed. (Cambridge UP, 1893)
* A. C. Pearson, ''The Fragments of Sophocles'', with additional notes from the papers of Sir R. C. Jebb and [[Walter Headlam|W. G. Headlam]] (Cambridge UP, 1917), vols. [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw01sophuoft/page/n7/mode/2up 1], [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw02sophuoft/page/n9/mode/2up 2], [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw03sophuoft 3]

[[Category:Playwrights from Greece]]
[[Category:Poets from Greece]]
[[Category:Politicians from Greece]]
[[Category:Clergy]]
[[Category:Gay poets]]
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      <text bytes="32684" sha1="8tthkmdzxfzwcws9tk0wwopkmfr7w8i" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Beeld van Sophocles in het Lateraans Museum te Rome SOFOCLE MUSEO LATERANENSE, RP-F-00-4471 (cropped).jpg|thumb|right|It is no weakness for the wisest man to learn when he is wrong.]]
'''[[w:Sophocles|Sophocles]]''' (Greek: Σοφοκλῆς; c. 497/496 – winter 406/405 BC) was an ancient Greek tragedian known as one of three from whom at least two plays have survived in full. His first plays were written later than, or contemporary with, those of [[Aeschylus]] and earlier than, or contemporary with, those of [[Euripides]].

== Quotes ==
:&lt;small&gt;Greek text cited from H. Lloyd-Jones, N. G. Wilson, ''Sophoclis Fabulae'' (Oxford, 1990).&lt;/small&gt;

=== [[w:Ajax (play)|''Ajax'']] ===

* γύναι, γυναιξὶ κόσμον ἡ σιγὴ φέρει.
** Woman, silence graces woman.
** Line 293 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)

* ἀλλ᾿ ἢ καλῶς ζῆν ἢ καλῶς τεθνηκέναι&lt;br&gt;τὸν εὐγενῆ χρή.
** Nobly to live, or else nobly to die, &lt;br/&gt; Befits proud birth.
** Lines 479–480 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)&lt;!--[https://archive.org/details/cu31924026593446/page/n7/mode/2up ''The Ajax of Sophocles''] (London: George Allen &amp; Unwin Ltd., 1919)--&gt;&lt;!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--&gt;

* τῆς ἀναγκαίας τύχης&lt;br&gt;οὐκ ἔστιν οὐδὲν μεῖζον ἀνθρώποις κακόν.
** Of all human ills, greatest is fortune's wayward tyranny.
** Line 485–486 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)&lt;!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--&gt;

* χάρις χάριν γάρ ἐστιν ἡ τίκτουσ᾿ ἀεί·&lt;br&gt;ὅτου δ᾿ ἀπορρεῖ μνῆστις εὖ πεπονθότος,&lt;br&gt;οὐκ ἂν γένοιτ᾿ ἔθ᾿ οὗτος εὐγενὴς ἀνήρ.
** For kindness begets kindness evermore, &lt;br/&gt; But he from whose mind fades the memory &lt;br/&gt; Of benefits, noble is he no more.
** Line 522–524 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)

* ὦ παῖ, γένοιο πατρὸς εὐτυχέστερος,&lt;br&gt;τὰ δ᾿ ἄλλ᾿ ὁμοῖος· καὶ γένοι᾿ ἂν οὐ κακός.
** Ah, son, may you prove luckier than your father, but in all else like him. Then you would not prove base.
** Lines 550–551 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)
*:&lt;small&gt;Compare [[Lucius Accius]]: ''Virtuti sis par, dispar fortunis patris.''&lt;/small&gt;

* ἐχθρῶν ἄδωρα δῶρα κοὐκ ὀνήσιμα.
** The gifts of enemies are no gifts and bring no good.
** Line 665 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)

* οἱ γὰρ κακοὶ γνώμαισι τἀγάθ᾿ ἐν χεροῖν&lt;br&gt;ἔχοντες οὐκ ἴσασι πρίν τις ἐκβάλῃ.
** Men of ill judgement&lt;!--'judgment'--&gt; oft ignore the good &lt;br/&gt; That lies within their hands, till they have lost it.
** Lines 964–965 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)&lt;!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--&gt;

* θεοῖς τέθνηκεν οὗτος, οὐ κείνοισιν, οὔ.
** He died before the gods, not at all before them—no!
** Line 970 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)

=== [[w:Electra (Sophocles play)|''Electra'']] ===

* οὐ γὰρ θανεῖν ἔχθιστον, ἀλλ᾿ ὅταν θανεῖν&lt;br&gt;χρῄζων τις εἶτα μηδὲ τοῦτ᾿ ἔχῃ λαβεῖν.
** Death is not the worst evil, but rather when we wish to die and cannot.
** Lines 1007–1008 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

=== ''{{w|Oedipus Rex}}'' ===

[[File:Œdipe explique l'énigme du sphinx - Jean-Auguste Dominique Ingres - Musée du Louvre Peintures RF 218.jpg|thumb|Look on Oedipus.&lt;br /&gt;He solved the famous riddle, with his brilliance,&lt;br /&gt;he rose to power, a man beyond all power.&lt;br /&gt;Who could behold his greatness without envy?]]

* φεῦ φεῦ, φρονεῖν ὡς δεινὸν ἔνθα μὴ τέλη&lt;br&gt;λύῃ φρονοῦντι.
** {{smallcaps|Teiresias}}: How dreadful knowledge of the truth can be &lt;br/&gt; When there's no help in truth!
** Lines 316–317 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949)&lt;!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--&gt;
**: Wisdom is a curse &lt;br&gt; when wisdom does nothing for the man who has it. &lt;br&gt; (tr. Stephen Berg and Diskin Clay, 1978)

* ἐγὼ οὔτ᾿ ἐμαυτὸν οὔτε σ᾿ ἀλγυνῶ. τί ταῦτ᾿&lt;br&gt;ἄλλως ἐλέγχεις; οὐ γὰρ ἂν πύθοιό μου.
** {{smallcaps|Teiresias}}: I will not wound myself nor thee. Why seek &lt;br/&gt; To trap and question me? I will not speak.
** Lines 332–333 (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1911)
**: Nay, I see that thou, on thy part, openest not thy lips in season: therefore I speak not, that neither may I have thy mishap. &lt;br/&gt; (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)
**: I will never reveal my dreadful secrets, or rather, yours. (tr. Bernard M. W. Knox, 1959)

* ὕβρις φυτεύει τύραννον· ὕβρις, εἰ&lt;br&gt;πολλῶν ὑπερπλησθῇ μάταν,&lt;br&gt;ἃ μὴ ᾿πίκαιρα μηδὲ συμφέροντα,&lt;br&gt;ἀκρότατα γεῖσ᾿ ἀναβᾶσ᾿&lt;br&gt;ἀπότομον ὤρουσεν εἰς ἀνάγκαν&lt;br&gt;ἔνθ᾿ οὐ ποδὶ χρησίμῳ&lt;br&gt;χρῆται.
** The tyrant is a child of Pride &lt;br/&gt; Who drinks from his sickening cup &lt;br/&gt; Recklessness and vanity, &lt;br/&gt; Until from his high crest headlong &lt;br/&gt; He plummets to the dust of hope.
** Line 873–879 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949)

* τί δ᾿ ἂν φοβοῖτ᾿ ἄνθρωπος ᾧ τὰ τῆς τύχης&lt;br&gt;κρατεῖ, πρόνοια δ᾿ ἐστὶν οὐδενὸς σαφής;&lt;br&gt;εἰκῆ κράτιστον ζῆν, ὅπως δύναιτό τις.
** {{smallcaps|Jocasta}}: Fear? What has a man to do with fear? Chance rules our lives, and the future is all unknown. Best live as we may, from day to day.
** Line 977–979 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947)
**: Nay, what should mortal fear, for whom the decrees of fortune are supreme and who hath clear foresight of nothing? 'Tis best to live at random, as one may. (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)

* ἐγὼ δ᾿ ἐμαυτὸν παῖδα τῆς Τύχης νέμων&lt;br&gt;τῆς εὖ διδούσης οὐκ ἀτιμασθήσομαι.&lt;br&gt;τῆς γὰρ πέφυκα μητρός· οἱ δὲ συγγενεῖς&lt;br&gt;μῆνές με μικρὸν καὶ μέγαν διώρισαν.&lt;br&gt;τοιόσδε δ᾿ ἐκφὺς οὐκ ἂν ἐξέλθοιμ᾿ ἔτι&lt;br&gt;ποτ᾿ ἄλλος, ὥστε μὴ ᾿κμαθεῖν τοὐμὸν γένος.
** {{smallcaps|Oedipus}}: I am the child of Fortune, &lt;br/&gt;The giver of good, and I shall not be shamed. &lt;br/&gt;She is my mother; my sisters are the Seasons; &lt;br/&gt;My rising and my falling match with theirs. &lt;br/&gt;Born thus, I ask to be no other man &lt;br/&gt;Than that I am, and will know who I am.
** Line 1080–1085 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947)
**: I am Fortune's child, &lt;br/&gt;Not man's; her mother face hath ever smiled &lt;br/&gt;Above me, and my brethren of the sky, &lt;br/&gt;The changing Moons, have changed me low and high. &lt;br/&gt;There is my lineage true, which none shall wrest &lt;br/&gt;From me; who then am I to fear this quest? &lt;br/&gt; (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1911)

* τῶν δὲ πημονῶν&lt;br&gt;μάλιστα λυποῦσ᾿ αἳ φανῶσ᾿ αὐθαίρετοι.
** {{smallcaps|Second Messenger}}: The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves.
** Line 1230–1231, (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) 
**: The keenest sorrow is to recognize ourselves as the sole cause of all our adversities.&lt;!--Robert and Mary Collison, ''Dictionary of Foreign Quotations'' (New York: Facts on File, 1980), p. 6--&gt;

* πάντα γὰρ καιρῷ καλά.
** Time eases all things.
** Line 1516 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) 

* ὥστε θνητὸν ὄντ᾿ ἐκείνην τὴν τελευταίαν ἔδει&lt;br&gt;ἡμέραν ἐπισκοποῦντα μηδέν᾿ ὀλβίζειν, πρὶν ἂν&lt;br&gt;τέρμα τοῦ βίου περάσῃ μηδὲν ἀλγεινὸν παθών.
** {{smallcaps|Chorus}}: Let every man in mankind's frailty &lt;br/&gt; Consider his last day; and let none &lt;br/&gt; Presume on his good fortune until he find &lt;br/&gt; Life, at his death, a memory without pain.
** Lines 1528–1530 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) 
**: Look upon him, O my Thebans, on your king, the child of fame!&lt;br /&gt;This mighty man, this Œdipus the lore far-famed could guess,&lt;br /&gt;And envy from each Theban won, so great his lordliness—&lt;br /&gt;Lo to what a surge of sorrow and confusion hath he come!&lt;br /&gt;Let us call no mortal happy till our eyes have seen the doom&lt;br /&gt;And the death-day come upon him—till, unharassed by mischance,&lt;br /&gt;He pass the bound of mortal life, the goal of ordinance.&lt;br /&gt;(tr. E. D. A. Morshead, 1885)&lt;!--E. D. A. Morshead, ''Oedipus the King'' (London: Macmillan and Co., 1885)--&gt;
**: People of Thebes, my countrymen, look on Oedipus.&lt;br /&gt;He solved the famous riddle, with his brilliance,&lt;br /&gt;he rose to power, a man beyond all power.&lt;br /&gt;Who could behold his greatness without envy?&lt;br /&gt;Now what a black sea of terror has overwhelmed him.&lt;br /&gt;Now as we keep our watch and wait the final day,&lt;br /&gt;count no man happy till he dies, free of pain at last.&lt;br /&gt;(tr. Robert Fagles, 1982)&lt;!--Cited in [[Thomas Cahill]], ''Sailing the Wine-Dark Sea'' (2003)--&gt;

=== ''[[w:Antigone|Antigone]]'' ===
[[File:Lytras nikiforos antigone polynices.jpeg |thumb|right|Think not that your word and yours alone must be right.]]

* Ζεὺς γὰρ μεγάλης γλώσσης κόμπους&lt;br&gt;ὑπερεχθαίρει.
** For God hates utterly &lt;br/&gt; The bray of bragging tongues.
** Lines 127–128 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938)

* τὰ μὲν δὴ πόλεος ἀσφαλῶς θεοὶ&lt;br&gt;πολλῷ σάλῳ σείσαντες ὤρθωσαν πάλιν.
** Our [[Ship of State]], which recent storms have threatened to destroy, has come safely to harbor at last.
** Lines 162–163 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938)

* ἐμοὶ γὰρ ὅστις πᾶσαν εὐθύνων πόλιν&lt;br&gt;μὴ τῶν ἀρίστων ἅπτεται βουλευμάτων,&lt;br&gt;ἀλλ᾿ ἐκ φόβου του γλῶσσαν ἐγκλῄσας ἔχει,&lt;br&gt;κάκιστος εἶναι νῦν τε καὶ πάλαι δοκεῖ·&lt;br&gt;καὶ μείζον᾿ ὅστις ἀντὶ τῆς αὑτοῦ πάτρας&lt;br&gt;φίλον νομίζει, τοῦτον οὐδαμοῦ λέγω.
** I have nothing but contempt for the kind of governor who is afraid, for whatever reason, to follow the course that he knows is best for the State; and as for the man who sets private friendship above the public welfare — I have no use for him, either.
** Lines 178–183 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938)

* στέργει γὰρ οὐδεὶς ἄγγελον κακῶν ἐπῶν.
** Nobody likes the man who brings bad news.
** Line 277 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938); cf. &quot;Don’t shoot the messenger.&quot;

* οὐδὲν γὰρ ἀνθρώποισιν οἷον ἄργυρος&lt;br&gt;κακὸν νόμισμ᾿ ἔβλαστε. τοῦτο καὶ πόλεις&lt;br&gt;πορθεῖ, τόδ᾿ ἄνδρας ἐξανίστησιν δόμων·&lt;br&gt;τόδ᾿ ἐκδιδάσκει καὶ παραλλάσσει φρένας&lt;br&gt;χρηστὰς πρὸς αἰσχρὰ πράγμαθ᾿ ἵστασθαι βροτῶν·&lt;br&gt;πανουργίας δ᾿ ἔδειξεν ἀνθρώποις ἔχειν&lt;br&gt;καὶ παντὸς ἔργου δυσσέβειαν εἰδέναι.&lt;br&gt;ὅσοι δὲ μισθαρνοῦντες ἤνυσαν τάδε,&lt;br&gt;χρόνῳ ποτ᾿ ἐξέπραξαν ὡς δοῦναι δίκην.
** Nothing so evil as money ever grew to be current among men. This lays cities low, this drives men from their homes, this trains and warps honest souls till they set themselves to works of shame; this still teaches folk to practise villainies, and to know every godless deed. But all the men who wrought this thing for hire have made it sure that, soon or late, they shall pay the price.
** Line 295-303 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)
*** Alternative translation (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938; line 295):
*** [[Money]]! There's nothing in the world so demoralizing as money.

* ἵν᾿ εἰδότες ἔνθεν οἰστέον&lt;br&gt;τὸ λοιπὸν ἁρπάζητε, καὶ μάθηθ᾿ ὅτι&lt;br&gt;οὐκ ἐξ ἅπαντος δεῖ τὸ κερδαίνειν φιλεῖν.&lt;br&gt;ἐκ τῶν γὰρ αἰσχρῶν λημμάτων τοὺς πλείονας&lt;br&gt;ἀτωμένους ἴδοις ἂν ἢ σεσωμένους.
** Henceforth ye may thieve with better knowledge whence lucre should be won, and learn that it is not well to love gain from every source. For thou wilt find that ill-gotten pelf brings more men to ruin than to weal.
** Lines 310-314 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)

* πολλὰ τὰ δεινὰ κοὐδὲν ἀν- &lt;br/&gt; θρώπου δεινότερον πέλει.
** Numberless are the world's wonders, but none &lt;br/&gt; More wonderful than man.
** Lines 332–333&lt;!--, Second Chorus, Strophe I--&gt; (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938)
**: There are many wonderful things, and nothing is more wonderful than man. (tr. R. W. Livingstone, 1935)&lt;!--''Greek Ideals and Modern Life'' (Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1935), p. 62--&gt;

* τὸ μὲν γὰρ αὐτὸν ἐκ κακῶν πεφευγέναι&lt;br&gt;ἥδιστον, ἐς κακὸν δὲ τοὺς φίλους ἄγειν&lt;br&gt;ἀλγεινόν.
** It is a good thing &lt;br/&gt; To escape from death, but it is not great pleasure &lt;br/&gt; To bring death to a friend.
** Line 437–439

* ὅστις γὰρ ἐν πολλοῖσιν ὡς ἐγὼ κακοῖς&lt;br&gt;ζῇ, πῶς ὅδ᾽ οὐχὶ κατθανὼν κέρδος φέρει;
** For whoso lives, as I, in many woes,&lt;br/&gt;How can it be but death shall bring him gain?
*** Lines 463–464 (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)&lt;!--Cited in T. B. Harbottle, ''Dictionary of Quotations: Classical'' (1897), p. 445--&gt;

* οὐ γάρ ποτ᾿, ὦναξ, οὐδ᾿ ὃς ἂν βλάστῃ μένει&lt;br&gt;νοῦς τοῖς κακῶς πράσσουσιν, ἀλλ᾿ ἐξίσταται.
** [[Grief]] teaches the steadiest minds to waver.
** Lines 563–564 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938)

* εἰδαίμονες οἷσι κακῶν ἄγευστος αἰών.
** Happy are they who know not the taste of evil.
** Line 582&lt;!--, Third Chorus 3, Ode II--&gt; (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947)

* τὸ κακὸν δοκεῖν ποτ᾿ ἐσθλὸν&lt;br&gt;τῷδ᾿ ἔμμεν ὅτῳ φρένας&lt;br&gt;θεὸς ἄγει πρὸς ἄταν.
** Evil seems good, soon or late, to him whose mind the god draws to mischief.
** Lines 622–624 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893), a &quot;[[w:Whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad|famous saying]]&quot;&lt;!--Unsourced translation: &quot;Evil sometimes seems good / To a man whose mind / A god leads to destruction.&quot;--&gt;

* ἐν τοῖς γὰρ οἰκείοισιν ὅστις ἔστ᾿ ἀνὴρ&lt;br&gt;χρηστός, φανεῖται κἀν πόλει δίκαιος ὤν.
** Show me the man who keeps his house in hand, &lt;br/&gt; He's fit for public authority.
** Lines 661–662 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938)

* μή νυν ἓν ἦθος μοῦνον ἐν σαυτῷ φόρει,&lt;br&gt;ὡς φὴς σύ, κοὐδὲν ἄλλο, τοῦτ᾿ ὀρθῶς ἔχειν.
** Think not that thy word, and thine alone, must be right.
** Line 705–706 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)
**: Think not that your word and yours alone must be right. (ed. Moses Hadas, 1965)&lt;!--''Greek Drama'' (Bantam Books, 1965), p. 97--&gt;

* ἀλλ᾿ ἄνδρα, κεἴ τις ᾖ σοφός, τὸ μανθάνειν&lt;br&gt;πόλλ᾿ αἰσχρὸν οὐδὲν καὶ τὸ μὴ τείνειν ἄγαν.
** It is no weakness for the wisest man &lt;br/&gt; To learn when he is wrong.
** Lines 710–711 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) 

* φήμ᾿ ἔγωγε πρεσβεύειν πολὺ&lt;br&gt;φῦναι τὸν ἄνδρα πάντ᾿ ἐπιστήμης πλέων·&lt;br&gt;εἰ δ᾿ οὖν, φιλεῖ γὰρ τοῦτο μὴ ταύτῃ ῥέπειν,&lt;br&gt;καὶ τῶν λεγόντων εὖ καλὸν τὸ μανθάνειν.
** The ideal condition &lt;br/&gt; Would be, I admit, that men should be right by instinct; &lt;br/&gt; But since we are all too likely to go astray, &lt;br/&gt; The reasonable thing is to learn from those who can teach.
** Line 720–723 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938)

* Ἔρως ἀνίκατε μάχαν,&lt;br&gt;Ἔρως, ὃς ἐν κτήμασι πίπτεις,&lt;br&gt;ὃς ἐν μαλακαῖς παρειαῖς&lt;br&gt;νεάνιδος ἐννυχεύεις,&lt;br&gt;φοιτᾷς δ᾿ ὑπερπόντιος ἔν τ᾿&lt;br&gt;ἀγρονόμοις αὐλαῖς·&lt;br&gt;καί σ᾿ οὔτ᾿ ἀθανάτων φύξιμος οὐδεὶς&lt;br&gt;οὔθ᾿ ἁμερίων σέ γ᾿ ἀν-&lt;br&gt;θρώπων, ὁ δ᾿ ἔχων μέμηνεν.
** [[Love]], unconquerable, &lt;br/&gt; Waster of rich men, keeper &lt;br/&gt; Of warm lights and all-night vigil &lt;br/&gt; In the soft face of a girl: &lt;br/&gt; Sea-wanderer, forest-visitor! &lt;br/&gt; Even the pure immortals cannot escape you, &lt;br/&gt; And mortal man, in his one day's dusk, &lt;br/&gt; Trembles before your glory.
** Line 781–790&lt;!--, Fourth Chorus, Ode III--&gt; (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938)

* τοῖς πᾶσι κοινόν ἐστι τοὐξαμαρτάνειν·&lt;br&gt;ἐπεὶ δ᾿ ἁμάρτῃ, κεῖνος οὐκέτ᾿ ἔστ᾿ ἀνὴρ&lt;br&gt;ἄβουλος οὐδ᾿ ἄνολβος, ὅστις ἐς κακὸν&lt;br&gt;πεσὼν ἀκεῖται μηδ᾿ ἀκίνητος πέλει.
** All men are liable to err; but when an error hath been made, that man is no longer witless or unblest who heals the ill into which he hath fallen, and remains not stubborn.
** Lines 1024-1027 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893); cf. [[Book of Proverbs]] 28:13
**: All men are liable to err. &lt;br/&gt; But when an error is made, that man is no longer &lt;br/&gt; unwise or unblessed who heals the evil &lt;br/&gt; into which he has fallen and does not remain stubborn. (ed. Moses Hadas, 1965)

* ὅσῳ κράτιστον κτημάτων εὐβουλία.
** [[Wisdom]] outweighs any [[wealth]].
*** Line 1050 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938)

* πολλῷ τὸ φρονεῖν εὐδαιμονίας&lt;br&gt;πρῶτον ὑπάρχει· χρὴ δὲ τά γ᾿ ἐς θεοὺς&lt;br&gt;μηδὲν ἀσεπτεῖν· μεγάλοι δὲ λόγοι&lt;br&gt;μεγάλας πληγὰς τῶν ὑπεραύχων&lt;br&gt;ἀποτείσαντες&lt;br&gt;γήρᾳ τὸ φρονεῖν ἐδίδαξαν.
** There is no [[happiness]] where there is no [[wisdom]]; &lt;br/&gt; No wisdom but in submission to the [[gods]]. &lt;br/&gt; Big words are always punished, &lt;br/&gt; And proud men in old age learn to be wise.
** Line 1347–1353, closing lines (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938)

=== [[w:Women of Trachis|''Trachiniae'']] ===

* There is an ancient saying, famous among men, that thou shouldst not judge fully of a man's life before he dieth, whether it should be called blest or wretched.
** Line 1 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

* A prudent mind can see room for misgiving, lest he who prospers should one day suffer reverse.
** Line 296 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892)

* They are not wise, then, who stand forth to buffet against Love; for Love rules the gods as he will, and me.
** Line 441 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892)

* Knowledge must come through action; thou canst have no test which is not fanciful, save by trial.
** Line 592 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) 
**: Knowledge must come through action; you can have no test which is not fanciful, save by trial. (ed. Moses Hadas, 1965)

* Rash indeed is he who reckons on the morrow, or haply on days beyond it; for tomorrow is not, until today is past.
** Line 943 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) 

=== [[w:Oedipus at Colonus|''Oedipus at Colonus'']] ===

* In a just cause the weak o'ercome the strong.
** Line 880 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

* μὴ φῦναι τὸν ἅπαντα νι- &lt;br/&gt; κᾷ λόγον.
** '''Not to be born is, past all prizing, best'''; but, when a man hath seen the light, this is next best by far, that with all speed he should go thither, whence he hath come.
** Line 1225, Chorus (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)&lt;!--Unsourced modernization: &quot;Not to be born is, beyond all estimation, best; but when a man has seen the light of day, this is next best by far, that with utmost speed he should go back from where he came.&quot;--&gt;
**:&lt;small&gt;Cf. [[W. B. Yeats|Yeats]], &quot;From ''Oedipus at Colonus''&quot; (1928) and [[W. H. Auden|Auden]], &quot;Death's Echo&quot; (1937)&lt;/small&gt;

* ἐν ᾧ τλάμων ὅδ᾽, οὐκ ἐγὼ μόνος, &lt;br/&gt; πάντοθεν βόρειος ὥς τις &lt;br/&gt; ἀκτὰ κυματοπλὴξ χειμερία κλονεῖται, &lt;br/&gt; ὣς καὶ τόνδε κατ᾽ ἄκρας &lt;br/&gt; δειναὶ κυματοαγεῖς &lt;br/&gt; ἆται κλονέουσιν ἀεὶ ξυνοῦσαι.
** In [[Old age|such years]] is yon hapless one, not I alone: and as some cape that fronts the North is lashed on every side by the waves of winter, so he also is fiercely lashed evermore by the dread troubles that break on him like billows.
** Line 1239, Chorus (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)

* One word &lt;br/&gt; Frees us of all the weight and pain of life: &lt;br/&gt; That word is love.
** Line 1616 (tr. Robert Fitzgerald, 1940)

=== Fragments ===
:&lt;small&gt;Greek text cited from S. Radt, ''Tragicorum Graecorum Fragmenta, vol. 4 Sophocles'' (Göttingen, 1999).&lt;/small&gt;

* ἀλλ᾿ οὐδὲν ἕρπει ψεῦδος εἰς γῆρας χρόνου.
** A lie never lives to be old.
** Frg. 62 TrGF; ''Acrisius'' (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

* τοῦ ζῆν γὰρ οὐδεὶς ὡς ὁ γηράσκων ἐρᾷ.
** No man loves life like him that's growing old.
** Frg. 66 TrGF; ''Acrisius'' (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

* ὅταν πάγου φανέντος αἰθρίου χεροῖν&lt;br&gt;κρύσταλλον ἁρπάσωσι παῖδες εὐπαγῆ,&lt;br&gt;τὰ πρῶτ᾿ ἔχουσιν ἡδονὰς ποταινίους·&lt;br&gt;τέλος δ᾿ ὁ θυμὸς οὔθ᾿ ὅπως ἀφῇ θέλει,&lt;br&gt;οὔτ᾿ ἐν χεροῖν τὸ κτῆμα σύμφορον μένειν.&lt;br&gt;οὕτω δὲ τοὺς ἐρῶντας αὑτὸς ἵμερος&lt;br&gt;δρᾶν καὶ τὸ μὴ δρᾶν πολλάκις προσίεται.
** When ice appears out of doors, and boys seize it up while it is solid, at first they experience new pleasures. But in the end their pride will not agree to let it go, but their acquisition is not good for them if it stays in their hands. In the same way an identical desire drives lovers to act and not to act.
** Frg. 149.3–9 TrGF; ''The Lovers of Achilles'' (tr. Lloyd-Jones, 1996)
** Often paraphrased: &quot;Love is like ice in the hands of children.&quot;

* πρὸς ταῦτα κρύπτε μηδέν· ὡς ὁ πάνθ᾿ ὁρῶν&lt;br&gt;καὶ πάντ᾿ ἀκούων πάντ᾿ ἀναπτύσσει χρόνος.
** Do nothing secretly; for Time sees and hears all things, and discloses all.
** Frg. 301 TrGF; ''Hipponous'' (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

* καλὸν μὲν οὖν οὐκ ἔστι τὰ ψευδῆ λέγειν·&lt;br&gt;ὅτῳ δ᾿ ὄλεθρον δεινὸν ἁλήθει᾿ ἄγει,&lt;br&gt;συγγνωστὸν εἰπεῖν ἐστι καὶ τὸ μὴ καλόν.
** Truly, to tell lies is not honorable; &lt;br&gt; But when the truth entails tremendous ruin, &lt;br&gt; To speak dishonorably is pardonable.
** Frg. 352 TrGF; ''Creusa'' (''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968)

* τὸ μὴ γὰρ εἶναι κρεῖσσον ἢ τὸ ζῆν κακῶς.
** It is better not to live at all than to live disgraced.
** Frg. 488 TrGF; ''Peleus'' (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

* φιλεῖ γὰρ ἄνδρας πόλεμος ἀγρεύειν νέους.
** War loves to seek its victims in the young.
** Frg. 554 TrGF; ''Scyrii'' (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

* ἀλλ᾿ εἰ μὲν ἦν κλαίουσιν ἰᾶσθαι κακᾶ&lt;br&gt;καὶ τὸν θανόντα δακρύοις ἀνιστάναι,&lt;br&gt;ὁ χρυσὸς ἧσσον κτῆμα τοῦ κλαίειν ἂν ἦν.
** If it were possible to heal sorrow by weeping and to raise the dead with tears, gold were less prized than grief.
** Frg. 557.1–3 TrGF; ''Scyrii'' (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

* ἀλλ᾿ εἰσὶ μητρὶ παῖδες ἄγκυραι βίου.
** Children are the anchors of a mother's life.
** Frg. 685 TrGF; ''Phaedra'' (tr. [https://archive.org/details/greekwayantholog0000free/page/80/mode/2up K. Freeman, 1947])

* ἀεὶ γὰρ εὖ πίπτουσιν οἱ Διὸς κύβοι.
** The dice of Zeus fall ever luckily.
** Frg. 895 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

* οὐ τοῖς ἀθύμοις ἡ τύχη ξυλλαμβάνει.
** Fortune is not on the side of the faint-hearted.
** Frg. 927 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) 

* ὅρκος γὰρ οὐδεὶς ἀνδρὶ φιλήτῃ βαρύς.
** No oath can be too binding for a lover.
** Frg. 933 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) 

* γνῶμαι πλέον κρατοῦσιν ἢ σθένος χερῶν.
** Thoughts are mightier than strength of hand.
** Frg. 939 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

* στέργειν δὲ τἀκπεσόντα καὶ θέσθαι πρέπει&lt;br&gt;σοφὸν κυβευτήν, ἀλλὰ μὴ στένειν τύχην.
** A wise player ought to accept his throws and score them, not bewail his luck.
** Frg. 947 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

* τἀληθὲς ἀεὶ πλεῖστον ἰσχύει λόγου.
** The truth is always the strongest argument.
** Frg. 955 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

* εἰ δείν᾿ ἔδρασας, δεινὰ καὶ παθεῖν σε δεῖ.
** If ills you do, ills also you must bear.
** Frg. 962 TrGF (tr. Pratten, Dods and Smith, 1867)&lt;!--B. P. Pratten, Marcus Dods, and Thomas Smith, ''The Writings of Tatian and Theophilus: and The Clementine Recognitions'', Anti-Nicene Christian Library 2 (Edinburgh T. and T. Clark, 1867), p. 106--&gt;

== Attributed ==

* καὶ δὴ καὶ Σοφοκλεῖ ποτε τῷ ποιητῇ παρεγενόμην ἐρωτωμένῳ ὑπό τινος· 'πῶς' ἔφη, 'ὦ Σοφόκλεις, ἔχεις πρὸς τἀφροδίσια; ἔτι οἷός τε εἶ γυναικὶ συγγίγνεσθαι;' καὶ ὅς 'εὐφήμει' ἔφη, 'ὦ ἄνθρωπε· ἀσμενέστατα μέντοι αὐτὸ ἀπέφυγον, ὥσπερ λυττῶντά τινα καὶ ἄγριον δεσπότην ἀποφυγών.'
** {{smallcaps|Cephalus}}: I remember hearing Sophocles the poet greeted by a fellow who asked, &quot;How about your service of Aphrodite, Sophocles—is your natural force still unabated?&quot; And he replied, &quot;Hush, man, most gladly have I escaped this thing you talk of, as if I had run away from a raging and savage beast of a master.&quot;
** [[Plato]], ''Republic'', I.329b–c (T 80a TrGF) (tr. Paul Shorey, 1930, 1937)

* εἰ μέν εἰμι Σοφοκλῆς, οὐ παραφρονῶ· εἰ δὲ παραφρονῶ, οὐκ εἰμὶ Σοφοκλῆς.
** If I am Sophocles, I am not mad; and if I am mad, I am not Sophocles.
** ''Life of Sophocles'' (T 1 TrGF), 13 (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)&lt;!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 7th ed., 1876--&gt;

{{Misattributed begin}}

== Misattributed ==

* βραχεῖ λόγῳ δὲ πολλὰ πρόσκειται σοφά.
** A short saying often contains much wisdom.
** Adesp. 1b.3 TrGF; ''Aletes'' (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)
** External testimony and stylistic evidence strongly suggest the ''Aletes'' is not by Sophocles ([https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-2/page/4/mode/2up S. Radt 2007:4]).

* θεὸς δὲ τοῖς ἀργοῦσιν οὐ παρίσταται.
** Heaven ne'er helps the men who will not act.
** Adesp. 527 TrGF (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)&lt;!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 7th ed., 1876--&gt;
** Anonymous verse mistakenly attached to Sophocles' frg. 308 TrGF (''Iphigenia'') due to a confusion in Stobaeus, ''Anthology'', III.30.6 ([https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-4-sophocles/page/272/mode/2up S. Radt 1999:272]; [https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-2/page/148/mode/2up 2007:148]).

{{Misattributed end}}

== Quotes about Sophocles ==

* ὁ δ’εὔκολος μὲν ἐνθάδ’, εὔκολος δ’ἐκεῖ
** Sweet-tempered as on earth, so here below.
** [[Aristophanes]], ''Frogs'' (tr. Storr, 1912)&lt;!--F. Storr, ''Sophocles'', [https://archive.org/details/LoebClassicalLibraryL020/page/n19/mode/2up Vol. 1], LCL 20 (1912), p. ix--&gt;

* Be his&lt;br /&gt;My special thanks, whose '''even-balanced soul'''&lt;br /&gt;From first youth tested up to extreme old age&lt;br /&gt;Business could not make dull, nor passion wild;&lt;br /&gt;'''Who saw life steadily, and saw it whole''';&lt;br /&gt;'''The mellow glory of the Attic stage''',&lt;br /&gt;Singer of sweet Colonus, and its child.
** [[Matthew Arnold]], Sonnet &quot;To a Friend&quot; (1849)

* Listen! you hear the grating roar &lt;br /&gt; Of pebbles which the waves draw back, and fling, &lt;br /&gt; At their return, up the high strand. &lt;br /&gt; Begin, and cease, and then again begin, &lt;br /&gt; With tremulous cadence slow, and bring &lt;br /&gt; The eternal note of sadness in. {{pb}} Sophocles long ago &lt;br /&gt; Heard it on the Ægæan, and it brought &lt;br /&gt; Into his mind the turbid ebb and flow &lt;br /&gt; Of human misery; we &lt;br /&gt; Find also in the sound a thought, &lt;br /&gt; Hearing it by this distant northern sea.
** Matthew Arnold, &quot;[[w:Dover Beach|Dover Beach]]&quot; (1867)

* ... Sophocles, the poet loved and feared,&lt;br&gt;Whose mighty voice once called out of her lair&lt;br&gt;The Dorian muse severe, with braided hair,&lt;br&gt;Who loved the thyrsus and wild dances weird.
** [[W:Edmund Gosse|Edmund Gosse]], &quot;The Tomb of Sophocles&quot;

* The first part of the [[w:Ajax (play)|Ajax]] is prodigiously fine. I do not know that the agonies of wounded honour have ever been so sublimely represented... But the interest of the piece dies with Ajax. In the debates which follow, Sophocles does not succeed as well as [[Euripides]] would have done. The odes, too, are not very good.
** [[Thomas Babington Macaulay]], quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473

* I have been less pleased with this perusal of the [[w:Oedipus Rex|Œdipus Tyrannus]] than I was when I read it in January; perhaps because I then read it all at one sitting. The construction seems to me less perfect than I formerly thought it. But nothing can exceed the skill with which the discovery is managed. The agony of Œdipus is so unutterably grand; and the tender sorrow, in which his mind at last reposes after his daughters have been brought to him, is as moving as anything in the Greek Drama.
** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473

* The [[w:Philoctetes (Sophocles play)|Philoctetes]] is a most noble play; conspicuous even among the works of Sophocles for the grace and majesty of effect produced by the most simple means. There is more character in it than in any play in the Greek language; two or three of Euripides's best excepted.
** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{wikisource author}}
* H. Lloyd-Jones, ''Sophocles: Fragments'', [[w:Loeb Classical Library|LCL 483]] (Harvard UP, 1996)
* [[Edward Plumptre|E. H. Plumptre]], ''The Tragedies of Sophocles: A New Translation'' (1865, 1878)
* [[Richard Claverhouse Jebb|R. C. Jebb]], ''Sophocles: The Plays and Fragments'', 3rd ed. (Cambridge UP, 1893)
* A. C. Pearson, ''The Fragments of Sophocles'', with additional notes from the papers of Sir R. C. Jebb and [[Walter Headlam|W. G. Headlam]] (Cambridge UP, 1917), vols. [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw01sophuoft/page/n7/mode/2up 1], [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw02sophuoft/page/n9/mode/2up 2], [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw03sophuoft 3]

[[Category:Playwrights from Greece]]
[[Category:Poets from Greece]]
[[Category:Politicians from Greece]]
[[Category:Clergy]]
[[Category:Gay poets]]
[[Category:BCE births]]
[[Category:BCE deaths]]
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      <text bytes="33873" sha1="9bvx06w03tqp3n8mqkdtxk1k58mr1gi" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Beeld van Sophocles in het Lateraans Museum te Rome SOFOCLE MUSEO LATERANENSE, RP-F-00-4471 (cropped).jpg|thumb|right|It is no weakness for the wisest man to learn when he is wrong.]]
'''[[w:Sophocles|Sophocles]]''' (Greek: Σοφοκλῆς; c. 497/496 – winter 406/405 BC) was an ancient Greek tragedian known as one of three from whom at least two plays have survived in full. His first plays were written later than, or contemporary with, those of [[Aeschylus]] and earlier than, or contemporary with, those of [[Euripides]].

== Quotes ==
:&lt;small&gt;Greek text cited from H. Lloyd-Jones, N. G. Wilson, ''Sophoclis Fabulae'' (Oxford, 1990).&lt;/small&gt;

=== [[w:Ajax (play)|''Ajax'']] ===

* γύναι, γυναιξὶ κόσμον ἡ σιγὴ φέρει.
** Woman, silence graces woman.
** Line 293 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)

* ἀλλ᾿ ἢ καλῶς ζῆν ἢ καλῶς τεθνηκέναι&lt;br&gt;τὸν εὐγενῆ χρή.
** Nobly to live, or else nobly to die, &lt;br/&gt; Befits proud birth.
** Lines 479–480 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)&lt;!--[https://archive.org/details/cu31924026593446/page/n7/mode/2up ''The Ajax of Sophocles''] (London: George Allen &amp; Unwin Ltd., 1919)--&gt;&lt;!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--&gt;

* τῆς ἀναγκαίας τύχης&lt;br&gt;οὐκ ἔστιν οὐδὲν μεῖζον ἀνθρώποις κακόν.
** Of all human ills, greatest is fortune's wayward tyranny.
** Line 485–486 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)&lt;!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--&gt;

* χάρις χάριν γάρ ἐστιν ἡ τίκτουσ᾿ ἀεί·&lt;br&gt;ὅτου δ᾿ ἀπορρεῖ μνῆστις εὖ πεπονθότος,&lt;br&gt;οὐκ ἂν γένοιτ᾿ ἔθ᾿ οὗτος εὐγενὴς ἀνήρ.
** For kindness begets kindness evermore, &lt;br/&gt; But he from whose mind fades the memory &lt;br/&gt; Of benefits, noble is he no more.
** Line 522–524 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)

* ὦ παῖ, γένοιο πατρὸς εὐτυχέστερος,&lt;br&gt;τὰ δ᾿ ἄλλ᾿ ὁμοῖος· καὶ γένοι᾿ ἂν οὐ κακός.
** Ah, son, may you prove luckier than your father, but in all else like him. Then you would not prove base.
** Lines 550–551 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)
*:&lt;small&gt;Compare [[Lucius Accius]]: ''Virtuti sis par, dispar fortunis patris.''&lt;/small&gt;

* ἐχθρῶν ἄδωρα δῶρα κοὐκ ὀνήσιμα.
** The gifts of enemies are no gifts and bring no good.
** Line 665 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)

* οἱ γὰρ κακοὶ γνώμαισι τἀγάθ᾿ ἐν χεροῖν&lt;br&gt;ἔχοντες οὐκ ἴσασι πρίν τις ἐκβάλῃ.
** Men of ill judgement&lt;!--'judgment'--&gt; oft ignore the good &lt;br/&gt; That lies within their hands, till they have lost it.
** Lines 964–965 (tr. R. C. Trevelyan, 1919)&lt;!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--&gt;

* θεοῖς τέθνηκεν οὗτος, οὐ κείνοισιν, οὔ.
** He died before the gods, not at all before them—no!
** Line 970 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)

=== [[w:Electra (Sophocles play)|''Electra'']] ===

* οὐ γὰρ θανεῖν ἔχθιστον, ἀλλ᾿ ὅταν θανεῖν&lt;br&gt;χρῄζων τις εἶτα μηδὲ τοῦτ᾿ ἔχῃ λαβεῖν.
** Death is not the worst evil, but rather when we wish to die and cannot.
** Lines 1007–1008 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

=== ''{{w|Oedipus Rex}}'' ===

[[File:Œdipe explique l'énigme du sphinx - Jean-Auguste Dominique Ingres - Musée du Louvre Peintures RF 218.jpg|thumb|Look on Oedipus.&lt;br /&gt;He solved the famous riddle, with his brilliance,&lt;br /&gt;he rose to power, a man beyond all power.&lt;br /&gt;Who could behold his greatness without envy?]]

* φεῦ φεῦ, φρονεῖν ὡς δεινὸν ἔνθα μὴ τέλη&lt;br&gt;λύῃ φρονοῦντι.
** {{smallcaps|Teiresias}}: How dreadful knowledge of the truth can be &lt;br/&gt; When there's no help in truth!
** Lines 316–317 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949)&lt;!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968--&gt;
**: Wisdom is a curse &lt;br&gt; when wisdom does nothing for the man who has it. &lt;br&gt; (tr. Stephen Berg and Diskin Clay, 1978)

* ἐγὼ οὔτ᾿ ἐμαυτὸν οὔτε σ᾿ ἀλγυνῶ. τί ταῦτ᾿&lt;br&gt;ἄλλως ἐλέγχεις; οὐ γὰρ ἂν πύθοιό μου.
** {{smallcaps|Teiresias}}: I will not wound myself nor thee. Why seek &lt;br/&gt; To trap and question me? I will not speak.
** Lines 332–333 (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1911)
**: Nay, I see that thou, on thy part, openest not thy lips in season: therefore I speak not, that neither may I have thy mishap. &lt;br/&gt; (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)
**: I will never reveal my dreadful secrets, or rather, yours. (tr. Bernard M. W. Knox, 1959)

* ὕβρις φυτεύει τύραννον· ὕβρις, εἰ&lt;br&gt;πολλῶν ὑπερπλησθῇ μάταν,&lt;br&gt;ἃ μὴ ᾿πίκαιρα μηδὲ συμφέροντα,&lt;br&gt;ἀκρότατα γεῖσ᾿ ἀναβᾶσ᾿&lt;br&gt;ἀπότομον ὤρουσεν εἰς ἀνάγκαν&lt;br&gt;ἔνθ᾿ οὐ ποδὶ χρησίμῳ&lt;br&gt;χρῆται.
** The tyrant is a child of Pride &lt;br/&gt; Who drinks from his sickening cup &lt;br/&gt; Recklessness and vanity, &lt;br/&gt; Until from his high crest headlong &lt;br/&gt; He plummets to the dust of hope.
** Line 873–879 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949)

* τί δ᾿ ἂν φοβοῖτ᾿ ἄνθρωπος ᾧ τὰ τῆς τύχης&lt;br&gt;κρατεῖ, πρόνοια δ᾿ ἐστὶν οὐδενὸς σαφής;&lt;br&gt;εἰκῆ κράτιστον ζῆν, ὅπως δύναιτό τις.
** {{smallcaps|Jocasta}}: Fear? What has a man to do with fear? Chance rules our lives, and the future is all unknown. Best live as we may, from day to day.
** Line 977–979 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947)
**: Nay, what should mortal fear, for whom the decrees of fortune are supreme and who hath clear foresight of nothing? 'Tis best to live at random, as one may. (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)

* ἐγὼ δ᾿ ἐμαυτὸν παῖδα τῆς Τύχης νέμων&lt;br&gt;τῆς εὖ διδούσης οὐκ ἀτιμασθήσομαι.&lt;br&gt;τῆς γὰρ πέφυκα μητρός· οἱ δὲ συγγενεῖς&lt;br&gt;μῆνές με μικρὸν καὶ μέγαν διώρισαν.&lt;br&gt;τοιόσδε δ᾿ ἐκφὺς οὐκ ἂν ἐξέλθοιμ᾿ ἔτι&lt;br&gt;ποτ᾿ ἄλλος, ὥστε μὴ ᾿κμαθεῖν τοὐμὸν γένος.
** {{smallcaps|Oedipus}}: I am the child of Fortune, &lt;br/&gt;The giver of good, and I shall not be shamed. &lt;br/&gt;She is my mother; my sisters are the Seasons; &lt;br/&gt;My rising and my falling match with theirs. &lt;br/&gt;Born thus, I ask to be no other man &lt;br/&gt;Than that I am, and will know who I am.
** Line 1080–1085 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947)
**: I am Fortune's child, &lt;br/&gt;Not man's; her mother face hath ever smiled &lt;br/&gt;Above me, and my brethren of the sky, &lt;br/&gt;The changing Moons, have changed me low and high. &lt;br/&gt;There is my lineage true, which none shall wrest &lt;br/&gt;From me; who then am I to fear this quest? &lt;br/&gt; (tr. Gilbert Murray, 1911)

* τῶν δὲ πημονῶν&lt;br&gt;μάλιστα λυποῦσ᾿ αἳ φανῶσ᾿ αὐθαίρετοι.
** {{smallcaps|Second Messenger}}: The greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves.
** Line 1230–1231, (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) 
**: The keenest sorrow is to recognize ourselves as the sole cause of all our adversities.&lt;!--Robert and Mary Collison, ''Dictionary of Foreign Quotations'' (New York: Facts on File, 1980), p. 6--&gt;

* πάντα γὰρ καιρῷ καλά.
** Time eases all things.
** Line 1516 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) 

* ὥστε θνητὸν ὄντ᾿ ἐκείνην τὴν τελευταίαν ἔδει&lt;br&gt;ἡμέραν ἐπισκοποῦντα μηδέν᾿ ὀλβίζειν, πρὶν ἂν&lt;br&gt;τέρμα τοῦ βίου περάσῃ μηδὲν ἀλγεινὸν παθών.
** {{smallcaps|Chorus}}: Let every man in mankind's frailty &lt;br/&gt; Consider his last day; and let none &lt;br/&gt; Presume on his good fortune until he find &lt;br/&gt; Life, at his death, a memory without pain.
** Lines 1528–1530 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1949) 
**: Look upon him, O my Thebans, on your king, the child of fame!&lt;br /&gt;This mighty man, this Œdipus the lore far-famed could guess,&lt;br /&gt;And envy from each Theban won, so great his lordliness—&lt;br /&gt;Lo to what a surge of sorrow and confusion hath he come!&lt;br /&gt;Let us call no mortal happy till our eyes have seen the doom&lt;br /&gt;And the death-day come upon him—till, unharassed by mischance,&lt;br /&gt;He pass the bound of mortal life, the goal of ordinance.&lt;br /&gt;(tr. E. D. A. Morshead, 1885)&lt;!--E. D. A. Morshead, ''Oedipus the King'' (London: Macmillan and Co., 1885)--&gt;
**: People of Thebes, my countrymen, look on Oedipus.&lt;br /&gt;He solved the famous riddle, with his brilliance,&lt;br /&gt;he rose to power, a man beyond all power.&lt;br /&gt;Who could behold his greatness without envy?&lt;br /&gt;Now what a black sea of terror has overwhelmed him.&lt;br /&gt;Now as we keep our watch and wait the final day,&lt;br /&gt;count no man happy till he dies, free of pain at last.&lt;br /&gt;(tr. Robert Fagles, 1982)&lt;!--Cited in [[Thomas Cahill]], ''Sailing the Wine-Dark Sea'' (2003)--&gt;

=== ''[[w:Antigone|Antigone]]'' ===
[[File:Lytras nikiforos antigone polynices.jpeg |thumb|right|Think not that your word and yours alone must be right.]]

* Ζεὺς γὰρ μεγάλης γλώσσης κόμπους&lt;br&gt;ὑπερεχθαίρει.
** For God hates utterly &lt;br/&gt; The bray of bragging tongues.
** Lines 127–128 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938)

* τὰ μὲν δὴ πόλεος ἀσφαλῶς θεοὶ&lt;br&gt;πολλῷ σάλῳ σείσαντες ὤρθωσαν πάλιν.
** Our [[Ship of State]], which recent storms have threatened to destroy, has come safely to harbor at last.
** Lines 162–163 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938)

* ἐμοὶ γὰρ ὅστις πᾶσαν εὐθύνων πόλιν&lt;br&gt;μὴ τῶν ἀρίστων ἅπτεται βουλευμάτων,&lt;br&gt;ἀλλ᾿ ἐκ φόβου του γλῶσσαν ἐγκλῄσας ἔχει,&lt;br&gt;κάκιστος εἶναι νῦν τε καὶ πάλαι δοκεῖ·&lt;br&gt;καὶ μείζον᾿ ὅστις ἀντὶ τῆς αὑτοῦ πάτρας&lt;br&gt;φίλον νομίζει, τοῦτον οὐδαμοῦ λέγω.
** I have nothing but contempt for the kind of governor who is afraid, for whatever reason, to follow the course that he knows is best for the State; and as for the man who sets private friendship above the public welfare — I have no use for him, either.
** Lines 178–183 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938)

* στέργει γὰρ οὐδεὶς ἄγγελον κακῶν ἐπῶν.
** Nobody likes the man who brings bad news.
** Line 277 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938); cf. &quot;Don’t shoot the messenger.&quot;

* οὐδὲν γὰρ ἀνθρώποισιν οἷον ἄργυρος&lt;br&gt;κακὸν νόμισμ᾿ ἔβλαστε. τοῦτο καὶ πόλεις&lt;br&gt;πορθεῖ, τόδ᾿ ἄνδρας ἐξανίστησιν δόμων·&lt;br&gt;τόδ᾿ ἐκδιδάσκει καὶ παραλλάσσει φρένας&lt;br&gt;χρηστὰς πρὸς αἰσχρὰ πράγμαθ᾿ ἵστασθαι βροτῶν·&lt;br&gt;πανουργίας δ᾿ ἔδειξεν ἀνθρώποις ἔχειν&lt;br&gt;καὶ παντὸς ἔργου δυσσέβειαν εἰδέναι.&lt;br&gt;ὅσοι δὲ μισθαρνοῦντες ἤνυσαν τάδε,&lt;br&gt;χρόνῳ ποτ᾿ ἐξέπραξαν ὡς δοῦναι δίκην.
** Nothing so evil as money ever grew to be current among men. This lays cities low, this drives men from their homes, this trains and warps honest souls till they set themselves to works of shame; this still teaches folk to practise villainies, and to know every godless deed. But all the men who wrought this thing for hire have made it sure that, soon or late, they shall pay the price.
** Line 295-303 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)
*** Alternative translation (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938; line 295):
*** [[Money]]! There's nothing in the world so demoralizing as money.

* ἵν᾿ εἰδότες ἔνθεν οἰστέον&lt;br&gt;τὸ λοιπὸν ἁρπάζητε, καὶ μάθηθ᾿ ὅτι&lt;br&gt;οὐκ ἐξ ἅπαντος δεῖ τὸ κερδαίνειν φιλεῖν.&lt;br&gt;ἐκ τῶν γὰρ αἰσχρῶν λημμάτων τοὺς πλείονας&lt;br&gt;ἀτωμένους ἴδοις ἂν ἢ σεσωμένους.
** Henceforth ye may thieve with better knowledge whence lucre should be won, and learn that it is not well to love gain from every source. For thou wilt find that ill-gotten pelf brings more men to ruin than to weal.
** Lines 310-314 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)

* πολλὰ τὰ δεινὰ κοὐδὲν ἀν- &lt;br/&gt; θρώπου δεινότερον πέλει.
** Numberless are the world's wonders, but none &lt;br/&gt; More wonderful than man.
** Lines 332–333&lt;!--, Second Chorus, Strophe I--&gt; (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938)
**: There are many wonderful things, and nothing is more wonderful than man. (tr. R. W. Livingstone, 1935)&lt;!--''Greek Ideals and Modern Life'' (Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1935), p. 62--&gt;

* τὸ μὲν γὰρ αὐτὸν ἐκ κακῶν πεφευγέναι&lt;br&gt;ἥδιστον, ἐς κακὸν δὲ τοὺς φίλους ἄγειν&lt;br&gt;ἀλγεινόν.
** It is a good thing &lt;br/&gt; To escape from death, but it is not great pleasure &lt;br/&gt; To bring death to a friend.
** Line 437–439

* ὅστις γὰρ ἐν πολλοῖσιν ὡς ἐγὼ κακοῖς&lt;br&gt;ζῇ, πῶς ὅδ᾽ οὐχὶ κατθανὼν κέρδος φέρει;
** For whoso lives, as I, in many woes,&lt;br/&gt;How can it be but death shall bring him gain?
*** Lines 463–464 (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)&lt;!--Cited in T. B. Harbottle, ''Dictionary of Quotations: Classical'' (1897), p. 445--&gt;

* οὐ γάρ ποτ᾿, ὦναξ, οὐδ᾿ ὃς ἂν βλάστῃ μένει&lt;br&gt;νοῦς τοῖς κακῶς πράσσουσιν, ἀλλ᾿ ἐξίσταται.
** [[Grief]] teaches the steadiest minds to waver.
** Lines 563–564 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938)

* εἰδαίμονες οἷσι κακῶν ἄγευστος αἰών.
** Happy are they who know not the taste of evil.
** Line 582&lt;!--, Third Chorus 3, Ode II--&gt; (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947)

* τὸ κακὸν δοκεῖν ποτ᾿ ἐσθλὸν&lt;br&gt;τῷδ᾿ ἔμμεν ὅτῳ φρένας&lt;br&gt;θεὸς ἄγει πρὸς ἄταν.
** Evil seems good, soon or late, to him whose mind the god draws to mischief.
** Lines 622–624 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893), a &quot;[[w:Whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad|famous saying]]&quot;&lt;!--Unsourced translation: &quot;Evil sometimes seems good / To a man whose mind / A god leads to destruction.&quot;--&gt;

* ἐν τοῖς γὰρ οἰκείοισιν ὅστις ἔστ᾿ ἀνὴρ&lt;br&gt;χρηστός, φανεῖται κἀν πόλει δίκαιος ὤν.
** Show me the man who keeps his house in hand, &lt;br/&gt; He's fit for public authority.
** Lines 661–662 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938)

* μή νυν ἓν ἦθος μοῦνον ἐν σαυτῷ φόρει,&lt;br&gt;ὡς φὴς σύ, κοὐδὲν ἄλλο, τοῦτ᾿ ὀρθῶς ἔχειν.
** Think not that thy word, and thine alone, must be right.
** Line 705–706 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)
**: Think not that your word and yours alone must be right. (ed. Moses Hadas, 1965)&lt;!--''Greek Drama'' (Bantam Books, 1965), p. 97--&gt;

* ἀλλ᾿ ἄνδρα, κεἴ τις ᾖ σοφός, τὸ μανθάνειν&lt;br&gt;πόλλ᾿ αἰσχρὸν οὐδὲν καὶ τὸ μὴ τείνειν ἄγαν.
** It is no weakness for the wisest man &lt;br/&gt; To learn when he is wrong.
** Lines 710–711 (tr. E. F. Watling, 1947) 

* φήμ᾿ ἔγωγε πρεσβεύειν πολὺ&lt;br&gt;φῦναι τὸν ἄνδρα πάντ᾿ ἐπιστήμης πλέων·&lt;br&gt;εἰ δ᾿ οὖν, φιλεῖ γὰρ τοῦτο μὴ ταύτῃ ῥέπειν,&lt;br&gt;καὶ τῶν λεγόντων εὖ καλὸν τὸ μανθάνειν.
** The ideal condition &lt;br/&gt; Would be, I admit, that men should be right by instinct; &lt;br/&gt; But since we are all too likely to go astray, &lt;br/&gt; The reasonable thing is to learn from those who can teach.
** Line 720–723 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938)

* Ἔρως ἀνίκατε μάχαν,&lt;br&gt;Ἔρως, ὃς ἐν κτήμασι πίπτεις,&lt;br&gt;ὃς ἐν μαλακαῖς παρειαῖς&lt;br&gt;νεάνιδος ἐννυχεύεις,&lt;br&gt;φοιτᾷς δ᾿ ὑπερπόντιος ἔν τ᾿&lt;br&gt;ἀγρονόμοις αὐλαῖς·&lt;br&gt;καί σ᾿ οὔτ᾿ ἀθανάτων φύξιμος οὐδεὶς&lt;br&gt;οὔθ᾿ ἁμερίων σέ γ᾿ ἀν-&lt;br&gt;θρώπων, ὁ δ᾿ ἔχων μέμηνεν.
** [[Love]], unconquerable, &lt;br/&gt; Waster of rich men, keeper &lt;br/&gt; Of warm lights and all-night vigil &lt;br/&gt; In the soft face of a girl: &lt;br/&gt; Sea-wanderer, forest-visitor! &lt;br/&gt; Even the pure immortals cannot escape you, &lt;br/&gt; And mortal man, in his one day's dusk, &lt;br/&gt; Trembles before your glory.
** Line 781–790&lt;!--, Fourth Chorus, Ode III--&gt; (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938)

* τοῖς πᾶσι κοινόν ἐστι τοὐξαμαρτάνειν·&lt;br&gt;ἐπεὶ δ᾿ ἁμάρτῃ, κεῖνος οὐκέτ᾿ ἔστ᾿ ἀνὴρ&lt;br&gt;ἄβουλος οὐδ᾿ ἄνολβος, ὅστις ἐς κακὸν&lt;br&gt;πεσὼν ἀκεῖται μηδ᾿ ἀκίνητος πέλει.
** All men are liable to err; but when an error hath been made, that man is no longer witless or unblest who heals the ill into which he hath fallen, and remains not stubborn.
** Lines 1024-1027 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893); cf. [[Book of Proverbs]] 28:13
**: All men are liable to err. &lt;br/&gt; But when an error is made, that man is no longer &lt;br/&gt; unwise or unblessed who heals the evil &lt;br/&gt; into which he has fallen and does not remain stubborn. (ed. Moses Hadas, 1965)

* ὅσῳ κράτιστον κτημάτων εὐβουλία.
** [[Wisdom]] outweighs any [[wealth]].
*** Line 1050 (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938)

* πολλῷ τὸ φρονεῖν εὐδαιμονίας&lt;br&gt;πρῶτον ὑπάρχει· χρὴ δὲ τά γ᾿ ἐς θεοὺς&lt;br&gt;μηδὲν ἀσεπτεῖν· μεγάλοι δὲ λόγοι&lt;br&gt;μεγάλας πληγὰς τῶν ὑπεραύχων&lt;br&gt;ἀποτείσαντες&lt;br&gt;γήρᾳ τὸ φρονεῖν ἐδίδαξαν.
** There is no [[happiness]] where there is no [[wisdom]]; &lt;br/&gt; No wisdom but in submission to the [[gods]]. &lt;br/&gt; Big words are always punished, &lt;br/&gt; And proud men in old age learn to be wise.
** Line 1347–1353, closing lines (tr. Dudley Fitts and Robert Fitzgerald, 1938)

=== [[w:Women of Trachis|''Trachiniae'']] ===

* Λόγος μὲν ἔστ᾿ ἀρχαῖος ἀνθρώπων φανεὶς&lt;br&gt;ὡς οὐκ ἂν αἰῶν᾿ ἐκμάθοις βροτῶν, πρὶν ἂν&lt;br&gt;θάνῃ τις, οὔτ᾿ εἰ χρηστὸς οὔτ᾿ εἴ τῳ κακός.
** There is an ancient saying, famous among men, that thou shouldst not judge fully of a man's life before he dieth, whether it should be called blest or wretched.
** Line 1 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

* ὅμως δ᾿ ἔνεστι τοῖσιν εὖ σκοπουμένοις&lt;br&gt;ταρβεῖν τὸν εὖ πράσσοντα, μὴ σφαλῇ ποτε.
** A prudent mind can see room for misgiving, lest he who prospers should one day suffer reverse.
** Lines 296–297 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892)

* Ἔρωτι μέν νυν ὅστις ἀντανίσταται&lt;br&gt;πύκτης ὅπως ἐς χεῖρας, οὐ καλῶς φρονεῖ.
** They are not wise, then, who stand forth to buffet against Love; for Love rules the gods as he will, and me.
** Lines 441–442 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892)

* ἀλλ᾿ εἰδέναι χρὴ δρῶσαν· ὡς οὐδ᾿ εἰ δοκεῖς&lt;br&gt;ἔχειν, ἔχοις ἂν γνῶμα, μὴ πειρωμένη.
** Knowledge must come through action; thou canst have no test which is not fanciful, save by trial.
** Lines 592–593 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) 

* ὥστ᾿ εἴ τις δύο&lt;br&gt;ἢ κἀπὶ πλείους ἡμέρας λογίζεται,&lt;br&gt;μάταιός ἐστιν· οὐ γὰρ ἔσθ᾿ ἥ γ᾿ αὔριον&lt;br&gt;πρὶν εὖ πάθῃ τις τὴν παροῦσαν ἡμέραν.
** Rash indeed is he who reckons on the morrow, or haply on days beyond it; for tomorrow is not, until today is past.
** Lines 943–946 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1892) 

=== ''{{w|Oedipus at Colonus}}'' ===

* τοῖς τοι δικαίοις χὠ βραχὺς νικᾷ μέγαν.
** In a just cause the weak o'ercome the strong.
** Line 880 (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

* μὴ φῦναι τὸν ἅπαντα νι-&lt;br&gt;κᾷ λόγον· τὸ δ᾿, ἐπεὶ φανῇ,&lt;br&gt;βῆναι κεῖθεν ὅθεν περ ἥ-&lt;br&gt;κει πολὺ δεύτερον ὡς τάχιστα.
** Not to be born is, past all prizing, best; but, when a man hath seen the light, this is next best by far, that with all speed he should go thither, whence he hath come.
** Line 1224–1227 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)&lt;!--Unsourced modernization: &quot;Not to be born is, beyond all estimation, best; but when a man has seen the light of day, this is next best by far, that with utmost speed he should go back from where he came.&quot;--&gt;
**:&lt;small&gt;Compare [[W. B. Yeats|Yeats]], &quot;From ''Oedipus at Colonus''&quot; (1928) and [[W. H. Auden|Auden]], &quot;Death's Echo&quot; (1937)&lt;/small&gt;

* ἐν ᾧ τλάμων ὅδ᾿—οὐκ ἐγὼ μόνος—&lt;br&gt;πάντοθεν βόρειος ὥς τις ἀκτὰ&lt;br&gt;κυματοπλὴξ χειμερία κλονεῖται,&lt;br&gt;ὡς καὶ τόνδε κατ᾿ ἄκρας&lt;br&gt;δειναὶ κυματοαγεῖς&lt;br&gt;ἆται κλονέουσιν ἀεὶ ξυνοῦσαι.
** In [[Old age|such years]] is yon hapless one, not I alone: and as some cape that fronts the North is lashed on every side by the waves of winter, so he also is fiercely lashed evermore by the dread troubles that break on him like billows.
** Line 1239 (tr. R. C. Jebb, 1893)

* ἀλλ᾿ ἓν γὰρ μόνον&lt;br&gt;τὰ πάντα λύει ταῦτ᾿ ἔπος μοχθήματα.
** One word &lt;br/&gt; Frees us of all the weight and pain of life: &lt;br/&gt; That word is love.
** Line 1615–1616 (tr. Robert Fitzgerald, 1940)

=== Fragments ===
:&lt;small&gt;Greek text cited from S. Radt, ''Tragicorum Graecorum Fragmenta, vol. 4 Sophocles'' (Göttingen, 1999).&lt;/small&gt;

* ἀλλ᾿ οὐδὲν ἕρπει ψεῦδος εἰς γῆρας χρόνου.
** A lie never lives to be old.
** Frg. 62 TrGF; ''Acrisius'' (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

* τοῦ ζῆν γὰρ οὐδεὶς ὡς ὁ γηράσκων ἐρᾷ.
** No man loves life like him that's growing old.
** Frg. 66 TrGF; ''Acrisius'' (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

* ὅταν πάγου φανέντος αἰθρίου χεροῖν&lt;br&gt;κρύσταλλον ἁρπάσωσι παῖδες εὐπαγῆ,&lt;br&gt;τὰ πρῶτ᾿ ἔχουσιν ἡδονὰς ποταινίους·&lt;br&gt;τέλος δ᾿ ὁ θυμὸς οὔθ᾿ ὅπως ἀφῇ θέλει,&lt;br&gt;οὔτ᾿ ἐν χεροῖν τὸ κτῆμα σύμφορον μένειν.&lt;br&gt;οὕτω δὲ τοὺς ἐρῶντας αὑτὸς ἵμερος&lt;br&gt;δρᾶν καὶ τὸ μὴ δρᾶν πολλάκις προσίεται.
** When ice appears out of doors, and boys seize it up while it is solid, at first they experience new pleasures. But in the end their pride will not agree to let it go, but their acquisition is not good for them if it stays in their hands. In the same way an identical desire drives lovers to act and not to act.
** Frg. 149.3–9 TrGF; ''The Lovers of Achilles'' (tr. Lloyd-Jones, 1996)
** Often paraphrased: &quot;Love is like ice in the hands of children.&quot;

* πρὸς ταῦτα κρύπτε μηδέν· ὡς ὁ πάνθ᾿ ὁρῶν&lt;br&gt;καὶ πάντ᾿ ἀκούων πάντ᾿ ἀναπτύσσει χρόνος.
** Do nothing secretly; for Time sees and hears all things, and discloses all.
** Frg. 301 TrGF; ''Hipponous'' (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

* καλὸν μὲν οὖν οὐκ ἔστι τὰ ψευδῆ λέγειν·&lt;br&gt;ὅτῳ δ᾿ ὄλεθρον δεινὸν ἁλήθει᾿ ἄγει,&lt;br&gt;συγγνωστὸν εἰπεῖν ἐστι καὶ τὸ μὴ καλόν.
** Truly, to tell lies is not honorable; &lt;br&gt; But when the truth entails tremendous ruin, &lt;br&gt; To speak dishonorably is pardonable.
** Frg. 352 TrGF; ''Creusa'' (''Bartlett's'', 14th ed., 1968)

* τὸ μὴ γὰρ εἶναι κρεῖσσον ἢ τὸ ζῆν κακῶς.
** It is better not to live at all than to live disgraced.
** Frg. 488 TrGF; ''Peleus'' (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

* φιλεῖ γὰρ ἄνδρας πόλεμος ἀγρεύειν νέους.
** War loves to seek its victims in the young.
** Frg. 554 TrGF; ''Scyrii'' (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

* ἀλλ᾿ εἰ μὲν ἦν κλαίουσιν ἰᾶσθαι κακᾶ&lt;br&gt;καὶ τὸν θανόντα δακρύοις ἀνιστάναι,&lt;br&gt;ὁ χρυσὸς ἧσσον κτῆμα τοῦ κλαίειν ἂν ἦν.
** If it were possible to heal sorrow by weeping and to raise the dead with tears, gold were less prized than grief.
** Frg. 557.1–3 TrGF; ''Scyrii'' (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

* ἀλλ᾿ εἰσὶ μητρὶ παῖδες ἄγκυραι βίου.
** Children are the anchors of a mother's life.
** Frg. 685 TrGF; ''Phaedra'' (tr. [https://archive.org/details/greekwayantholog0000free/page/80/mode/2up K. Freeman, 1947])

* ἀεὶ γὰρ εὖ πίπτουσιν οἱ Διὸς κύβοι.
** The dice of Zeus fall ever luckily.
** Frg. 895 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

* οὐ τοῖς ἀθύμοις ἡ τύχη ξυλλαμβάνει.
** Fortune is not on the side of the faint-hearted.
** Frg. 927 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) 

* ὅρκος γὰρ οὐδεὶς ἀνδρὶ φιλήτῃ βαρύς.
** No oath can be too binding for a lover.
** Frg. 933 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892) 

* γνῶμαι πλέον κρατοῦσιν ἢ σθένος χερῶν.
** Thoughts are mightier than strength of hand.
** Frg. 939 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

* στέργειν δὲ τἀκπεσόντα καὶ θέσθαι πρέπει&lt;br&gt;σοφὸν κυβευτήν, ἀλλὰ μὴ στένειν τύχην.
** A wise player ought to accept his throws and score them, not bewail his luck.
** Frg. 947 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

* τἀληθὲς ἀεὶ πλεῖστον ἰσχύει λόγου.
** The truth is always the strongest argument.
** Frg. 955 TrGF (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)

* εἰ δείν᾿ ἔδρασας, δεινὰ καὶ παθεῖν σε δεῖ.
** If ills you do, ills also you must bear.
** Frg. 962 TrGF (tr. Pratten, Dods and Smith, 1867)&lt;!--B. P. Pratten, Marcus Dods, and Thomas Smith, ''The Writings of Tatian and Theophilus: and The Clementine Recognitions'', Anti-Nicene Christian Library 2 (Edinburgh T. and T. Clark, 1867), p. 106--&gt;

== Attributed ==

* καὶ δὴ καὶ Σοφοκλεῖ ποτε τῷ ποιητῇ παρεγενόμην ἐρωτωμένῳ ὑπό τινος· 'πῶς' ἔφη, 'ὦ Σοφόκλεις, ἔχεις πρὸς τἀφροδίσια; ἔτι οἷός τε εἶ γυναικὶ συγγίγνεσθαι;' καὶ ὅς 'εὐφήμει' ἔφη, 'ὦ ἄνθρωπε· ἀσμενέστατα μέντοι αὐτὸ ἀπέφυγον, ὥσπερ λυττῶντά τινα καὶ ἄγριον δεσπότην ἀποφυγών.'
** {{smallcaps|Cephalus}}: I remember hearing Sophocles the poet greeted by a fellow who asked, &quot;How about your service of Aphrodite, Sophocles—is your natural force still unabated?&quot; And he replied, &quot;Hush, man, most gladly have I escaped this thing you talk of, as if I had run away from a raging and savage beast of a master.&quot;
** [[Plato]], ''Republic'', I.329b–c (T 80a TrGF) (tr. Paul Shorey, 1930, 1937)

* εἰ μέν εἰμι Σοφοκλῆς, οὐ παραφρονῶ· εἰ δὲ παραφρονῶ, οὐκ εἰμὶ Σοφοκλῆς.
** If I am Sophocles, I am not mad; and if I am mad, I am not Sophocles.
** ''Life of Sophocles'' (T 1 TrGF), 13 (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)&lt;!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 7th ed., 1876--&gt;

{{Misattributed begin}}

== Misattributed ==

* βραχεῖ λόγῳ δὲ πολλὰ πρόσκειται σοφά.
** A short saying often contains much wisdom.
** Adesp. 1b.3 TrGF; ''Aletes'' (''Bartlett's'', 9th ed., 1892)
** External testimony and stylistic evidence strongly suggest the ''Aletes'' is not by Sophocles ([https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-2/page/4/mode/2up S. Radt 2007:4]).

* θεὸς δὲ τοῖς ἀργοῦσιν οὐ παρίσταται.
** Heaven ne'er helps the men who will not act.
** Adesp. 527 TrGF (tr. Plumptre, 1865, 1878)&lt;!--Cited in ''Bartlett's'', 7th ed., 1876--&gt;
** Anonymous verse mistakenly attached to Sophocles' frg. 308 TrGF (''Iphigenia'') due to a confusion in Stobaeus, ''Anthology'', III.30.6 ([https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-4-sophocles/page/272/mode/2up S. Radt 1999:272]; [https://archive.org/details/tragicorum-graecorum-fragmenta-vol.-2/page/148/mode/2up 2007:148]).

{{Misattributed end}}

== Quotes about Sophocles ==

* ὁ δ’εὔκολος μὲν ἐνθάδ’, εὔκολος δ’ἐκεῖ
** Sweet-tempered as on earth, so here below.
** [[Aristophanes]], ''Frogs'' (tr. Storr, 1912)&lt;!--F. Storr, ''Sophocles'', [https://archive.org/details/LoebClassicalLibraryL020/page/n19/mode/2up Vol. 1], LCL 20 (1912), p. ix--&gt;

* Be his&lt;br /&gt;My special thanks, whose '''even-balanced soul'''&lt;br /&gt;From first youth tested up to extreme old age&lt;br /&gt;Business could not make dull, nor passion wild;&lt;br /&gt;'''Who saw life steadily, and saw it whole''';&lt;br /&gt;'''The mellow glory of the Attic stage''',&lt;br /&gt;Singer of sweet Colonus, and its child.
** [[Matthew Arnold]], Sonnet &quot;To a Friend&quot; (1849)

* Listen! you hear the grating roar &lt;br /&gt; Of pebbles which the waves draw back, and fling, &lt;br /&gt; At their return, up the high strand. &lt;br /&gt; Begin, and cease, and then again begin, &lt;br /&gt; With tremulous cadence slow, and bring &lt;br /&gt; The eternal note of sadness in. {{pb}} Sophocles long ago &lt;br /&gt; Heard it on the Ægæan, and it brought &lt;br /&gt; Into his mind the turbid ebb and flow &lt;br /&gt; Of human misery; we &lt;br /&gt; Find also in the sound a thought, &lt;br /&gt; Hearing it by this distant northern sea.
** Matthew Arnold, &quot;[[w:Dover Beach|Dover Beach]]&quot; (1867)

* ... Sophocles, the poet loved and feared,&lt;br&gt;Whose mighty voice once called out of her lair&lt;br&gt;The Dorian muse severe, with braided hair,&lt;br&gt;Who loved the thyrsus and wild dances weird.
** [[W:Edmund Gosse|Edmund Gosse]], &quot;The Tomb of Sophocles&quot;

* The first part of the [[w:Ajax (play)|Ajax]] is prodigiously fine. I do not know that the agonies of wounded honour have ever been so sublimely represented... But the interest of the piece dies with Ajax. In the debates which follow, Sophocles does not succeed as well as [[Euripides]] would have done. The odes, too, are not very good.
** [[Thomas Babington Macaulay]], quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473

* I have been less pleased with this perusal of the [[w:Oedipus Rex|Œdipus Tyrannus]] than I was when I read it in January; perhaps because I then read it all at one sitting. The construction seems to me less perfect than I formerly thought it. But nothing can exceed the skill with which the discovery is managed. The agony of Œdipus is so unutterably grand; and the tender sorrow, in which his mind at last reposes after his daughters have been brought to him, is as moving as anything in the Greek Drama.
** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473

* The [[w:Philoctetes (Sophocles play)|Philoctetes]] is a most noble play; conspicuous even among the works of Sophocles for the grace and majesty of effect produced by the most simple means. There is more character in it than in any play in the Greek language; two or three of Euripides's best excepted.
** Thomas Babington Macaulay, quoted in George Otto Trevelyan, ''The Life and Letters of Lord Macaulay, Volume I'' (1876), p. 473

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{wikisource author}}
* H. Lloyd-Jones, ''Sophocles: Fragments'', [[w:Loeb Classical Library|LCL 483]] (Harvard UP, 1996)
* [[Edward Plumptre|E. H. Plumptre]], ''The Tragedies of Sophocles: A New Translation'' (1865, 1878)
* [[Richard Claverhouse Jebb|R. C. Jebb]], ''Sophocles: The Plays and Fragments'', 3rd ed. (Cambridge UP, 1893)
* A. C. Pearson, ''The Fragments of Sophocles'', with additional notes from the papers of Sir R. C. Jebb and [[Walter Headlam|W. G. Headlam]] (Cambridge UP, 1917), vols. [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw01sophuoft/page/n7/mode/2up 1], [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw02sophuoft/page/n9/mode/2up 2], [https://archive.org/details/fragmentseditedw03sophuoft 3]

[[Category:Playwrights from Greece]]
[[Category:Poets from Greece]]
[[Category:Politicians from Greece]]
[[Category:Clergy]]
[[Category:Gay poets]]
[[Category:BCE births]]
[[Category:BCE deaths]]
[[Category:People from Athens]]</text>
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  <page>
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[[File:Monsters, Inc. logo.svg|thumb|Since the very first bedtime, all around the world, children have known that once their mothers and fathers tuck them in, and shut off the light, that there are MONSTERS hiding in their closets, waiting to emerge! What they don't know is: it's nothing personal. It's just their job.]]
[[File:Erró 01 (6815421917).jpg|thumb|Okay. First of all, it's ''cretin''. If you're gonna threaten me, do it properly.]]
'''''[[w:Monsters, Inc.|Monsters, Inc.]]''''' is a [[w:2001 in film|2001]] computer animated feature film, in which, in order to power the city, monsters have to scare children so that they scream. However, the children are toxic to the monsters, and after a child gets through, two monsters realize things may not be what they think. 
:''Directed by [[w:Pete Docter|Pete Docter]]. Written by [[w:Andrew Stanton|Andrew Stanton]] and [[w:Daniel Gerson|Daniel Gerson]], based on a story by [[w:Pete Docter|Pete Docter]], [[w:Jill Culton|Jill Culton]], [[w:Jeff Pidgeon|Jeff Pidgeon]], and [[w:Ralph Eggleston|Ralph Eggleston]]''
{{center/s}}'''Monsters, Inc.: We Scare Because We Care.'''[[#Taglines|taglines]]{{center/e}}

== James P. &quot;Sulley&quot; Sullivan ==
* ''[to Mike; silently]'' Ook-lay in the ag-bay.

== Mike Wazowski ==
* ''[while Sulley brushes his teeth]'' C'mon, fight that plaque! Fight that plaque! Scary monsters don't have plaque!

* ''[chants]'' I don't know, but it's been said. I love scaring kids in bed!

* Roz, my tender, oozing blossom, you're looking fabulous today. Is that a new haircut? Tell me it's a new haircut. It's got to be a new haircut. New makeup? You had a lift? You had a tuck? You had something? Something has been inserted in you that makes you look like...Listen, I need a favor.

* I'm tellin’ ya pal, when that wall went up, you should have seen the look on Waternoose's face. Woo-hoo! I hope we get a copy of that tape. Hey, you all right? Come on, pal, cheer up, we did it. We got Boo home. Sure, we put the factory in the toilet, and, gee, hundreds of people will be out of work now, not to mention the angry mob that'll come after us when there's no more power... but hey, at least we had a few laughs, right?

== Randall Boggs ==
* Do you hear that? It's the winds of change.

* ''[to Fungus]'' If I don't see a new door at my station in five seconds, I will personally put you through '''''the shredder!'''''

* ''[after whacking Sulley with a scream canister]'' You don't know how long I've wanted to do that, Sullivan!

* ''[about to dispose of Sulley]'' Look at everybody's favorite scarer now, you stupid pathetic waste. You've been #1 for too long, Sullivan! Now your time is up! And don't worry. I'll take good care of the kid.

== Henry J. Waternoose ==
* Kids these days. They just don't get scared like they used to.

* ''[taken away by the C.D.A.]'' I hope you're happy, Sullivan. You've destroyed this company! Monsters Incorporated is dead! Where will everyone get their scream now?! The energy crisis will only get worse because of YOU!

== Dialogue ==
:''[first lines; after Thaddeus Bile had an accident while trying to scare the child]''
:'''Ms. Flint''': All right, Mr. Bile, is it?
:'''Bile''': Uh, my friends call me Phlegm.
:'''Ms. Flint''': Uh-huh. Mr. Bile, can you tell me what you did wrong?
:'''Bile''': I fell down?
:'''Ms. Flint''': No, no, '''''before that'''''. Can anyone tell me Mr. Bile's big mistake? Anyone? ''[a monster coughs, groans]'' Let's take a look at the tape. Here we go. ''[She rewinds the tape, then plays it. On the monitor, Thaddeus Bile sneaks into the bedroom, leaving the door open.]'' Right... there. ''[image freezes]'' See? The door! You left it wide open. ''[monsters let out a collective &quot;ooh&quot;]'' And leaving a door open is the worst mistake any employee can make because...?
:'''Bile''': It could let in a draft?
:'''Waternoose''': ''[first words; enters]'' It could let in a '''child!'''
:'''Ms. Flint''': Oh, Mr. Waternoose.
:'''Waternoose''': There is nothing more toxic or deadly than a human child. A single touch could kill you! Leave a door open, and a child could walk right into this factory. Right into the monster world!
:'''Monster #2''': ''[panicked]'' I won't go in a kid's room! You can't make me!
:'''Waternoose''': You're going in there because we need this. ''[grabs a scream can and angrily unlocks it, and the sound of children's screams leak out, letting the lights and electric surge, corks it back]'' Our city is counting on you to collect those children's screams. ''[puts down the scream can]'' Without scream, we have no power! Yes, it's dangerous work, and that's why I need you to be at your best. I need scarers who are confident, tenacious, tough, intimidating. I need scarers like... like... James P. Sullivan!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mike''': I'm tellin' you, big daddy, you're gonna be seein' this face on TV a lot more often.
:'''Sulley''': Yeah, like on &quot;Monstropolis' Most Wanted&quot;?
:'''Mike''': ''[sarcastically]'' Ha, ha, ha. You've been jealous of my good looks since the fourth grade, pal.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Sulley has insisted on walking to work]''
:'''Mike''': You wanna know why I bought the car, Sulley?
:'''Sulley''': Not really.
:'''Mike''': To drive it! You know, like on the street, with the honk-honk and the vroom-vroom, and the no walking involved?
:'''Sulley''': Wa, wa, wa, wa. Will you give it a rest, butterball? C'mon, you could use the exercise.
:'''Mike''': ''I'' could use the exercise? Look at you! You have your own climate.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sulley''': Happy birthday.  
:'''Celia''': Thanks. So, uh... are we going anywhere special tonight?
:'''Mike''': I just got us into a little place called, um... '''''Harryhausen's'''''.
:'''Celia''': '''''&lt;big&gt;Harryhausen's?! But it's impossible to get a reservation there.&lt;/big&gt;'''''
:'''Mike''': ''[walking to the Scare Floor with Sulley]'' '''''Not''''' for Googly Bear. I will see you at quittin' time, and not a minute later.
:'''Celia''': Okay, sweetheart.
:'''Mike''': Think romantical thoughts. ''[singing]'' You and me, me and you, both of us together!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[after the CDA agents solved the 2319 situation on George and shaved him]''
:'''Waternoose''': ''[while getting himself some coffee]'' Oh... what a day.
:'''Sulley''': We're just going through a rough time, sir. Everyone knows you're going to get us through it.
:'''Waternoose''': Tell that to the board of directors. ''[sips his coffee]'' James, this company has been in my family for three generations. I would do anything to keep it from going under.
:'''Sulley''': So would I, sir.
:'''Waternoose''': Well... Say, I could use your help with something.
:'''Sulley''': Anything, sir.
:'''Waternoose''': You see, we've hired some new scare recruits and frankly, they're... they're, um... uh...
:'''Sulley''': ''[confused]'' Inexperienced?
:'''Waternoose''': Oh, they stink!
:'''Sulley''': Uh-huh.
:'''Waternoose''': And I thought maybe you might come by tomorrow and give them a demonstration. Show them what it takes to be a top scarer, huh?
:'''Sulley''': I'll start out with the old Waternoose Jump-and-Growl! ''[jumpscares Waternoose]''
:'''Waternoose''': ''[startled; drops his coffee]'' Oh, oh, yes. Now, that's my boy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mike''': You know, there's more life than scaring. Whew. Hey, Can I borrow your odorant?
:'''Sulley''': Yeah, I got, uh, smelly garbage or old dumpster.
:'''Mike''': You got, uh, low tide?
:'''Sulley''': No.
:'''Mike''': How about wet dog?
:'''Sulley''': Yep. Stink it up.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mike''': ''[to Sulley]'' Y'know, sometimes I feel so romantic, I think I should just marry myself!
:'''Sulley''': Give me a break, Mike...
:'''Mike''': What a night of romance I've got ahead of me! Tonight is about me and Celia! ''[imitates a ship’s horn]'' The loveboat is about to set sail! I'm tellin’ ya, pal, I see her face and it makes my heart go-- ''[finds himself face-to-face with Roz]'' YIKES!!!
:'''Roz''': ''[sternly]'' Hello, Wazowski. Fun-filled evening planned for tonight?
:'''Mike''': Well, as a matter of fact--
:'''Roz''': And I'm '''''sure''''' you filed your paperwork correctly...for once! ''[silence; Mike is brandishing a nervous smile]'' Your stunned silence is '''''very''''' reassuring. ''[leaves]''
:'''Mike''': Oh no, my scare reports! I left them on my desk! If I'm not at the restaurant in five minutes, they're gonna give our table away, what am I gonna tell--?! ''[Celia comes up to Mike]'' Schmoopsie-Pooh.
:'''Celia''': Hey Googly-Bear, wanna get going?
:'''Mike''': Do I ever? It's just that... Uh...
:'''Celia''': What?
:'''Mike''': There's a small--
:'''Celia''': I don't understand.
:'''Sulley''': It's just ''I'' forgot about some paperwork I was supposed to file. '''''Mike was reminding me'''''; thanks, buddy.
:'''Mike''': I was? I mean, I was! Yeah, I was.
:'''Celia''': Okay, let's go then.
:'''Mike''': We're going! ''[whispering to Sulley]'' On my desk, Sulley. The pink copies go to accounting, the fuchsia ones go to purchasing, and the goldenrod ones go to Roz. ''[Celia pulls him away; he comes back]'' Leave the puce! ''[gets pulled away again]''
:''[Later]''
:'''Sulley''': ''[to himself]'' So the pink copies go to purchasing, and the fuchsia ones go to Roz. No, the ''fuchsia'' ones go to purchasing and the ''goldenrod'' ones go to Roz. Man, I have no idea what puce is... ''[looks at some reddish-brown files]'' Oh, that's puce.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Celia''': Oh, Michael, I've had a lot of birthdays - well, not a lot of birthdays, but this is the best birthday ever. What are you looking at?
:'''Mike''': I was just thinking about the first time I laid eye on you, how pretty you looked.
:'''Celia''': ''[slightly embarrassed]'' Stop it.
:'''Mike''': Your hair was shorter then.
:'''Celia''': Mm-hmm. I'm thinking about getting it cut. ''[the snakes in her hair look worried]''
:'''Mike''': No-no, I like it this length. ''[the snakes sigh in relief]'' I like everything about you. Just the other day someone asked me who I thought the most beautiful monster was in all of Monstropolis. You know what I said?
:'''Celia''': What did you say?
:'''Mike''': I said-- ''[sees Sulley trying to get his attention]'' Sulley?
:'''Celia''': ''Sulley''?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Randall''': Wazowski! Where's the kid, you little one-eyed cretin?!
:'''Mike''': ''[Strapped down into the Scream Extractor]'' Okay. First of all, it's ''creetin''. If you're gonna threaten me, do it properly. Second of all, you're nuts if you think kidnapping me is gonna help you cheat your way to the top!
:'''Randall''': ''[chuckles nastily]'' You still think this is about that stupid scare record?
:'''Mike''': Well... I did. Right up until you... chuckled like that... and now I'm thinkin’ I should just get outta here.
:'''Randall''': I am about to revolutionize the scaring industry, and when I do, even the great James P. Sullivan will be working for me.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Sulley''': ''[is fighting the invisible Randall when he is hit with a snowball]'' Mike?
:'''Mike''': Look, it's not that I don't care about the kid.
:'''Sulley''': Mike, you don't understand.
:'''Mike''': Yes, I do. I was just mad, that's all. I needed some time to think, but you shouldn't have left me out there.
:'''Sulley''': I'm being attacked!
:'''Mike''': No, I'm not attacking you. I'm tryna be honest, just hear me out. You and I are a team. Nothing is more important than our friendship.
:''[Boo approaches Mike, frightened]''
:'''Mike''': I-I know, kid. He's too sensitive.
:''[Sulley is being strangled]'' Come on, pal. If you start cryin’, I'm gonna cry, and I'll never get through this. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, but I am now. Hey, Sulley, I am baring my soul here. '''''&lt;big&gt;The least you can do is pay attention!&lt;/big&gt;'''''
:''[he throws a snowball; it hits Randall, making him visible enough for Sulley to knock him out]''
:'''Mike''': Hey, look at that, it's Randall. It's... Oh.
:''[Randall comes to]'' 
:'''Waternoose''': ''[to Randall]'' '''''&lt;big&gt;Get up, there can’t be any witnesses!&lt;/big&gt;'''''
:'''Randall''': ''[through gritted teeth]'' '''''&lt;big&gt;There won’t be!&lt;/big&gt;'''''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Waternoose catches Sulley trying to defend Boo]''
:'''Waternoose''': This has gone far enough, James.
:'''Sulley''': She's home now! Just leave her alone!
:'''Waternoose''': I can't do that. She's seen too much. You both have.
:'''Sulley''': It doesn't have to be this way!
:'''Waternoose''': I have no choice! Times have changed. Scaring isn't enough anymore!
:'''Sulley''': But kidnapping children?!
:'''Waternoose''': I'll kidnap 1,000 children before I let this company die! And I'll silence anyone who gets in my way! ''[knocks Sulley aside]''
:'''Sulley''': No!
:''[Waternoose lunges at the bed, only to find the simulator robot]''
:'''Voice''': Simulation terminated. Simulation terminated.
:'''Waternoose''': ''[confused]'' Huh? But... What?
:''[the lights come on and it's revealed that Boo's room is really the simulation room; Mike and several CDA agents are standing behind the console]''
:'''Mike''': Well, I don't know about the rest of you guys, but I spotted several big mistakes. You know what? Let's watch my favorite part again, shall we? ''[replays the tape of Waternoose over and over]''
:'''Waternoose''': ''[on tape]'' I'll kidnap 1,000 children before I let this company die! I'll kidnap 1,000 children before I let this company die! I'll kidnap 1,000 children before I let this company die!
:'''CDA Agent''': I'll get him. ''[they start arresting Waternoose]'' All right, come with us. Sir.
:'''Waternoose''': ''[last words; while being arrested]'' Wha-What are you doing? Get your hands off me! You can't arrest me! ''[to Sulley; enraged]'' I hope you're happy, Sullivan. You've destroyed this company. Monsters Incorporated is '''''dead!''''' Where will everyone get their scream now?! THE ENERGY CRISIS WILL ONLY GET WORSE, BECAUSE OF '''''YOU!'''''
:''[The CDA slams the door shut behind him. Sulley hangs his head, as CDA walks to him]''
:'''Lead CDA Agent''': Stay where you are. Number 1 wants to talk to you. ''[to his agents]'' Attention.
:''[The door opens and the CDA agents enter the room, and of course, Roz.]''
:'''Roz''': Hello, boys.
:'''Mike and Sulley''': Roz?
:'''Roz''': ''[door closes]'' Two and a half years of undercover work were almost wasted when you intercepted that child, Mr. Sullivan. Of course, without your help, I never would have known that this went all the way up to Waternoose. ''[Boo scampers to Mike and Sulley, while the CDA agents back away nervously]'' Now, about the girl...
:'''Sulley''': ''[scoops Boo in his arms]'' I just wanna send her home.
:'''Roz''': Very good. ''[into wrist communicator]'' Bring me a door shredder.
:'''Sulley''': ''[shocked]'' What, you mean... You mean, I can't see her again?
:'''Roz''': That's the way it has to be. I'll give you 5 minutes.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Outside the factory, The CDA agents shut Waternoose into the back of the van.]''
:'''CDA Agent''': ''[taps on the door]'' Take him away.
:''[The van drives away.]''
:'''Smitty''': I bet we get the rest of the day off.
:'''Needleman''': '''YOU IDIOT! They're gonna shut down the factory!'''
:''[Everyone is shocked about what Needleman said. Mike and Sulley walk outside.]''
:'''Mike''': I'm tellin' ya, pal, when that wall went up, you should've seen the look on Waternoose's face. Hoo-hoo! I hope we get a copy of that tape. ''[looks at sad Sulley]'' Hey, you alright? Come on, pal, cheer up. We did it! We got Boo home. Ah, sure we put the factory in the toilet, and... gee, hundreds of people will be outta work now. Not to mention the angry mob that'll come after us when there's no more power, but hey! At least we had some laughs, right?
:''[As Mike continues walking, Sulley suddenly gets an idea and stops walking.]''
:'''Sulley''': Laughs.

== Taglines ==
* Monsters, Inc.: We Scare Because We Care

* You Won't Believe Your Eye.

* We Think They Are Scary, But Really We Scare Them!

* Since the very first bedtime, all around the world, children have known that once their mothers and fathers tuck them in, and shut off the light, that there are MONSTERS hiding in their closets, waiting to emerge! What they don't know is: it's nothing personal. It's just their job.

== Cast ==
* [[John Goodman]] as James P. &quot;Sulley&quot; Sullivan
* [[Billy Crystal]] as Michael &quot;Mike&quot; Wazowski
* [[w:Mary Gibbs|Mary Gibbs]] as Boo
* [[w:Steve Buscemi|Steve Buscemi]] as Randall Boggs
* [[w:James Coburn|James Coburn]] as Henry J. Waternoose III
* [[w:Jennifer Tilly|Jennifer Tilly]] as Celia Mae
* [[w:Bob Peterson (filmmaker)|Bob Peterson]] as Roz
* [[w:Frank Oz|Frank Oz]] as Fungus
* [[w:John Ratzenberger|John Ratzenberger]] as Yeti the Abominable Snowman
* [[w:Samuel Lord Black|Samuel Lord Black]] as George Sanderson
* [[w:Dan Gerson|Dan Gerson]] as Smitty and Needleman
* [[w:Jeff Pidgeon|Jeff Pidgeon]] as Thaddeus Bile
* [[w:Bonnie Hunt|Bonnie Hunt]] as Ms. Flint

== See also ==
* [[Monsters University]]

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title | id=0198781 | title=Monsters, Inc.}}
* [http://www.pixar.com/featurefilms/inc/ Official Pixar site]

{{Monsters, Inc.}}
{{Authority control}}

[[Category:2001 films]]
[[Category:American films]]
[[Category:Animated comedy films]]
[[Category:Computer-animated films]]           [[te:మాన్స్టర్స్, ఇంక్. (సినిమా)]]
[[Category:Family films]]
[[Category:Lee Unkrich films]]
[[Category:Films directed by David Silverman]]
[[Category:Screenplays by Andrew Stanton]]
[[Category:Screenplays by Pete Docter]]
[[Category:Films directed by Pete Docter]]
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  <page>
    <title>Coffee</title>
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      <text bytes="14892" sha1="r8g9fxsod0fdxfohpzuto6bsmwtyzal" xml:space="preserve">[[File:A small cup of coffee.JPG|thumb|right|I have measured out my life with coffee spoons... ~ [[T.S. Eliot]] ]]
[[File:Alvan_Fisher_-_Coffee_clap.jpg|thumb|Alvan Fischer: Coffee clap]]

'''[[w:Coffee|Coffee]]''' is a brewed beverage prepared from the roasted or baked seeds of several species of an evergreen shrub of the genus Coffea. The two most common sources of coffee beans are the highly regarded Coffea arabica, and the &quot;robusta&quot; form of the hardier Coffea canephora. The latter is resistant to the coffee leaf rust (Hemileia vastatrix), but has a more bitter taste. Coffee plants are cultivated in more than 70 countries, primarily in equatorial [[Latin America]], [[Southeast Asia]], and [[Africa]]. Once ripe, coffee &quot;berries&quot; are picked, processed and dried to yield the seeds inside. The seeds are then roasted to varying degrees, depending on the desired flavor, before being ground and brewed to create coffee.

== Quotes ==
__NOTOC__
{{TOCalpha}}
&lt;!-- alphabetical by author --&gt;
=== A ===
* To my mother, pouring the morning coffee was a secret ritual—irrigating the garden, she called it.
** [[w:Rabih Alameddine|Rabih Alameddine]], ''The Half-Wall'' (2011), reprinted in ''Mothership: Tales from Afrofuturism and Beyond'' (2013), &lt;small&gt; {{ISBN|978-0-9891411-4-7}}, &lt;/small&gt; p. 64

=== B ===
* The coffee, when he tried it, was strong almost to the point of being unbearable, but not quite. In short, it was divine.
** [[K. A. Bedford]], ''[[w:Time Machines Repaired While-U-Wait |Time Machines Repaired While-U-Wait ]]'' (2008), Chapter 18

=== C ===
* Never drink black coffee at lunch; it will keep you awake in the afternoon.
**[[Jilly Cooper]], ''How to Survive From Nine to Five'', 1970. Quoted in ''The New Beacon Book of Quotations by Women'', ed. Rosalie Maggio.

* “Right,” Holden said. “No coffee. This is a terrible, terrible [[planet]].”
** [[Daniel Abraham|James S. A. Corey]], ''[[w:Cibola Burn|Cibola Burn]]'' (2014), &lt;small&gt; {{ISBN|978-0-316-21762-0}}, &lt;/small&gt; Chapter 41 (p. 421)

=== D ===
* Grief, joy and coffee have much the same effect upon the eyelids. 
** {{cite book|author=Emmanuel Rhoides|translator=Lawrence Durrell|title=Pope Joan|date=1866|publisher=Penguin Books|isbn=0-1400-3760-8|page=128}} Translated by [[w:Lawrence Durrell|Lawrence Durrell]].

=== E ===
* I have measured out my life with coffee spoons (...)
** [[T.S. Eliot]], &quot;The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock,&quot; line 51

=== F ===
* For a writer, it's more essential than food.
** [[w:Joan Frank|Joan Frank]], &quot;Achieving Legal Liftoff&quot;, in ''The San Francisco Examiner Image'', 1991. Quoted in ''The New Beacon Book of Quotations by Women'', ed. Rosalie Maggio.

* It is disgusting to notice the increase in the quantity of coffee used by my subjects, and the amount of money that goes out of the country as a consequence. Everybody is using coffee; this must be prevented. His Majesty was brought up on [[beer]], and so were both his ancestors and officers. Many battles have been fought and won by [[soldiers]] nourished on beer, and the King does not believe that coffee-drinking soldiers can be relied upon to endure hardships in case of another war.
** [[Frederick II of Prussia]], 1777; quoted by Bert L. Vallée, ''Alcohol in the Western World'', Scientific American, Vol. 278, No. 6 (June), 1998, pp. 80-85

=== G ===
* There was coffee. Life would go on.
** [[William Gibson]], ''The Winter Market'' (originally published in ''[[w:Interzone (magazine)|Interzone]]'' #15, Spring 1986)

=== H ===
* “I brought coffee.”&lt;br&gt;“Dinar of Prinagos has just won my unqualified support against the perfidious White Bragenmeres under any circumstances, at any time, in thought, word, deed, spell, and incantation.”
** [[Barbara Hambly]], ''The Rainbow Abyss'' (1991), &lt;small&gt; {{ISBN|0-345-37101-1}}, &lt;/small&gt; p. 144

* Coffee comes in five descending stages:  Coffee, Java, Jamoke, Joe, and Carbon Remover.
** [[Robert A. Heinlein]], ''[[Glory Road]]''

* The [[voodoo]] priest and all his powers were as nothing compared to [[w:Espresso|espresso]], [[w:Cappuccino|cappuccino]], and [[w:Mocha|mocha]], which are stronger than all the [[Religion|religions]] of the world combined, and perhaps stronger than the human [[soul]] itself.
** [[Mark Helprin]], ''[[w:Memoir from Antproof Case|Memoir from Antproof Case]]'', 1995

* Coffee reached [[Western Europe]] in the third quarter of the seventeenth century, brought by mariners who had acquired a taste for it in the {{w|Near East}}. It was first established at seaports, but spread rapidly to major [[cities]] inland. Considered a dangerous [[w:Stimulant|stimulant]], it was closely monitored by municipal and royal authorities who licensed and [[Taxation|taxed]] its use. They also worried about its association with those [[Citizenship|citizens]] who made the new coffee houses into social and political gathering places. Already in 1675, [[Charles II of England|Charles II]] of [[England]] tried to close down the coffee houses as places of [[sedition]] (popular pressure made him desist, however), and for the next two centuries they were frequently subjected to government [[surveillance]] and suppression.&lt;br /&gt;In [[Paris]]... [b]y the middle of the eighteenth century the café-tavern and café-restaurant were firmly embedded... Over the next hundred years they increased in both numbers and variety... Because [[tobacco]] and [[Alcoholic beverages|alcohol]]... were consumed in the cafés, and because a number of them became singing clubs... [c]offee, alcohol, and song were regarded as attributes of political opposition, so one of [[Napoleon III|Louis Napoleon]]'s first decrees (29 December 1851) put cafés under direct governmental authority and placed an outright ban on group singing in cafés; thousands were closed...&lt;br /&gt;Despite police surveilance, cafés generally prospered during the [[w:Second French Empire|Second Empire]]. They took on new forms that are familiar to us from the lives of famous [[writers]] and [[Impressionism|impressionist]] [[Painting|painters]].
** Robert L. Herbert, ''Impressionism: Art, Leisure, and Parisian Society'' (1988) pp. 65-66.

=== J ===
* Coffee: the finest organic suspension ever devised. It's got me through the worst of the last three years. I beat the [[w:Borg_(Star_Trek)|Borg]] with it.
** [[w:Kathryn Janeway|Kathryn Janeway]] (Star Trek: Voyager, &quot;Hunters&quot;)

=== K ===
* The influence of coffee in stimulating the genital organs is notorious.
** [[w:John Harvey Kellogg|John Harvey Kellogg]] (1877)  ''Plain facts for old and young : embracing the natural history and hygiene of organic life.''

=== L ===
* Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.
** [[w:David Letterman|David Letterman]], in Bill Zehme, &quot;Letterman Lets His Guard Down&quot;. ''Esquire'', December 1994. Quoted in ''Quotationary'', ed. Leonard Roy Frank.

=== M ===
* Coffee futures are up over 60% this year to $3.18 per pound, the highest level since 1977
** McIntyre, [https://climatecrisis247.com/weather/coffee-hits-47-year-high/ Climate Crisis 24/7] (December 2, 2024).
* Coffee is a drink for grownups. No kid ever likes coffee. It’s psychoactive. Coffee is the drug of [[memory]]. I can remember the great cups of coffee of my life; the places, the faces, the words spoken. It never quite tastes the way it smells. If it did, we would drink it until our heads exploded with memory.
** [[Ian McDonald]], ''The Fifth Dragon,'' in ''Reach for Infinity'' (2014), edited by [[w:Jonathan Strahan|Jonathan Strahan]], and published by Solaris {{ISBN|978-1-78108-203-4}}, p. 73

* I think if we see dropping prices, [they] are going to be modest.
** [[Carlos Mera]], head of the agri commodities markets team at [[Rabobank]] according to  [https://www.cnn.com/2022/11/16/business/coffee-prices/index.html Coffee prices are crashing. What it means for your cup of joe] (November 16, 2022) By Danielle Wiener-Bronner, CNN Business

* Such coffee as in [[Poland]] you'll not find elsewhere:&lt;br /&gt;In a good house, in Poland, by old custom there,&lt;br /&gt;Making coffee's the task of one housemaid alone&lt;br /&gt;(As the coffee-maid known), who imports from the town,&lt;br /&gt;The best beans, or from trading barge buys them, and who&lt;br /&gt;Has her own secret ways of preparing the brew,&lt;br /&gt;Which as jet-black as coal is, and as amber limpid:&lt;br /&gt;Is as fragrant as mocca, and as honey viscid.&lt;br /&gt;It's well known that good coffee needs really good cream:&lt;br /&gt;In the country that's easy; the maid, at first beam,&lt;br /&gt;Sets the kettles, proceeds next to visit the dairies&lt;br /&gt;And there gathers the flower of cream; gently carries&lt;br /&gt;In a separate jug, to each cup freshly brought,&lt;br /&gt;So that each one is dressed in a separate coat.
** [[Adam Mickiewicz]], ''[[Pan Tadeusz]]'' (tr. Marcel Weyland)

=== P ===
* Coffee, which makes the [[Politicians|politician]] wise&lt;br/&gt;And see through all things with his half-shut eyes...
** [[Alexander Pope]], ''The Rape of the Lock''

* She wasn’t certain what the future held, but coffee would be involved if she had any say in the matter.
** [[Terry Pratchett]], ''[[Discworld#Moving Pictures (1990)|Moving Pictures]]''

* Coffee was only a way of stealing time that should by rights belong to your slightly older self.
** [[Terry Pratchett]], ''[[Discworld#Thud! (2005)|Thud!]]''

=== R ===
* A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
** [[w:Alfréd Rényi|Alfréd Rényi]]. Popularly attributed to [[Paul Erdős]], who quoted him. (Bruce Schechter, ''My Brain Is Open: The Mathematical Journeys of Paul Erdős'', 1998, New York: Simon &amp; Schuster, &lt;small&gt;{{ISBN|0684846357}}&lt;/small&gt;)

* I mentioned the [[caffeine]]. I should also note that if coffee does not prevent or inhibit [[sleep]], it will stimulate [[Dreams|dream]] projections, and also aid you in bringing the critical faculties into the dream state.
** [[Jane Roberts]], in ''The Early Sessions: Book 7'', Session 290, Page 70

=== V ===
* The only thing that keeps me going ... is a good cup of freshly ground coffee. There's nothing to beat it! But for my coffee I'd have been dead long ago. And old woman alone. Pssss!
**[[w:David Vogel (author)|David Vogel]], [[w:Married Life (novel)|&lt;i&gt;Married Life&lt;/i&gt;]]

=== W ===
* “‘Morning, Sam,” the coffee boy said. “How about some coffee?”&lt;br&gt;“‘Morning, Herb,” I said. “That’s the first intelligent remark I’ve heard in some time.”
** [[Richard Wilson]], ''30-Day Wonder'' (1960), Chapter 7

=== ''Coffee: from Plantation to Cup'' (1884) ===
:&lt;small&gt;''A Brief History of Coffee Production and Consumption'', Ninth edition, by Francis Beatty Thurber, American Grocer Publishing Association; [https://books.google.com/books?id=BRMoAAAAYAAJ source.]&lt;/small&gt;

* At a majority of [[breakfast]] tables, &quot;if the coffee is good everything is good,&quot; a fact so significant in itself that no other argument is needed...
** Introductory to Ch. 1

* I began by investigating the mysteries of the kitchen; and this led to an examination into the different ways of making the beverage, including the use of many patent coffee-pots; the degree of fineness to which the coffee should be ground; the method and extent of roasting; the deterioration in quality after roasting; the best receptacle for the preservation of the aroma; and finally... a study of the varieties and qualities producing the best results. ...I have had an opportunity to verify impressions ...formed by observations made in some of the principal coffee producing and consuming countries.
** Introductory to Ch. 1

* There are... conditions both in the selection and preparation of the bean which apply equally to all varieties, and which, if observed, will add greatly to the satisfaction of lovers of coffee.
** Introductory to Ch. 1

* [C]offee was designed for man's sustenance and happiness as much as the golden grain, or the delicious fruits of mother earth.
** Introductory to Ch. 1

* The story has been told of an [[Native Americans in the United States|Indian]] chief who, dressed in a robe of great beauty, came in contact with a trader, who tried every means to secure the coveted garment. At last the meeting terminated with the accustomed treat of coffee. The chief was one of the first to gratify his palate with the beverage. It seemed as if his spirits had been roused by some unseen power. He pressed eagerly for more, and, delighted at receiving a second supply, he threw upon the trader, as an expression of his joy, the magnificent robe that money could not purchase. Similar experiences attended the introduction of coffee into all the countries where it is consumed...
** Introductory to Ch. 1

* My experience... leads me to the belief that two-thirds of the lovers of coffee are, from lack of knowledge, daily cheated out of the solid enjoyment of an ideal cup of coffee. ...It is ...my design to try and point out how dealers may select and furnish, and how consumers may prepare coffee which will satisfy the critical palate.
** Introductory to Ch. 1

=== ''All About Coffee'' (1922)===
:&lt;small&gt;by William Harrison Ukers, Tea and Coffee Trade Journal Company; [https://books.google.com/books?id=4O_RAAAAMAAJ source]&lt;/small&gt;

* Civilization in its onward march has produced only three important non-alcoholic beverages—the extract of the tea plant, the extract of the cocoa bean, and the extract of the coffee bean.
** Forward

* Coffee is universal in its appeal. All nations do it homage. ...It is ...a corollary of human energy and human efficiency. People love coffee because of its two-fold effect—the pleasurable sensation and the increased efficiency it produces.
** Forward

* It has been acclaimed &quot;the most grateful lubricant known to the human machine,&quot; and &quot;the most delightful taste in all nature.&quot;
** Forward

* No &quot;food drink&quot; has ever encountered so much opposition as coffee. ...During the thousand years of its development it has experienced fierce political opposition, stupid fiscal restrictions, unjust taxes, irksome duties; but, surviving all of these, it has triumphantly moved on to a foremost place in the catalog of popular beverages.
** Forward

== See also ==
* [[Beer]]
* [[Chocolate]]
* [[Milk]]
* [[Tea]]
* [[Wine]]

==External links==
{{Commonscat}}
* {{Wikipedia-inline}}
* {{Wiktionary-inline}}
* [https://classicalpoets.org/2024/07/06/i-need-my-coffee-a-villanelle-by-gigi-ryan/ ‘I Need My Coffee’]: A Villanelle by Gigi Ryan, ''The Society of Classical Poets'' (July 6, 2024)
* [https://classicalpoets.org/2024/03/17/coffee-limericks-by-roy-e-peterson/ ‘Coffee Limericks’] by Roy E. Peterson, ''The Society of Classical Poets'' (March 17, 2024)
[[Category:Food and drink]]
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  <page>
    <title>Cow and Chicken</title>
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        <username>TavianCLirette</username>
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      <comment>More minor quote adjustments for the latter seasons, as well as some episode title corrections.</comment>
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'''''[[w:Cow and Chicken|Cow and Chicken]]''''' is an American [[w:cartoon series|animated]] [[w:television comedy|comedy]] television series created by [[w:David Feiss|David Feiss]] for [[w:Cartoon Network|Cartoon Network]], and the 3rd of the network's [[w:Cartoon Cartoons|Cartoon Cartoons]]. It follows the [[w:surreal humor|surreal]] adventures of two [[w:funny animal|funny animal]] siblings, Cow and Chicken. They are often antagonized by the Red Guy, a cartoon [[w:Satan|Devil]] who poses as various characters to scam them.

==Theme song==
:'''Chicken''': Mama had a chicken!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Cow''': Mama had a cow!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Cow &amp; Chicken''': ''[in unison]'' Dad was proud, he didn't care how!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Theme song plays'''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Cow''': Cow!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Theme song plays more'''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Chicken''': Chicken!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Theme song plays more'''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Cow &amp; Chicken''': Cow and Chicken!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Theme song plays more'''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Red Guy starts laughing and flashes his butt a little'''

==Season 1==
===&quot;Field Trip to Folsom Prison Blues / Girls' Bathroom&quot;===
:'''Cow''': [''gasps''] Chicken, that is a good way to lose a beak!
:'''Chicken''': Ah, shut up, Cow! Mind your own beeswax! [''gets hit with sign''] What?
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Chicken''': [''pretending to be an inmate and slyly pantsing the warden''] Jailbreak!

:'''Guard''': ''[panicking]'' Sound the alarm! ''[The guard falls down and the inmates laugh at him. He is then insulted and grabs Chicken pretending to be Red.] Lockdown!''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Chicken''': Eat this, you filthy screw.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Inmate''': Way to go, Red.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Chicken''': [To The Red Guy as the Warden] I gotta be home by 8:00 or I'm in big trouble! Anyhow, Mom is making pork butts and taters. She only makes it on Tuesdays; it's my favorite!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Dad''': Chicken, the warden of Folsom Prison just called.
:'''Chicken''': I know what he said; I did time at the big house 'cause I pantsed the guard!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''The Red Guy''': [''as the Warden''] LADIES!!! ...and gentlemen. A terrible injustice has been done here. Red doesn't belong here - he's innocent! He wants to go home with Mom and Dad, AND EAT PORK BUTTS AND TATERS! Now, let's all join hands AND SAY WE'RE SORRY!!!
:'''Inmates''': Sorry Red!
:'''The Red Guy''': Now, someone has to pay for Red's injustice... TEN YEARS IN SOLITARY CONFINEMENT FOR EVERYBODY!!! Without a toilet... [''He pulls a rope, opening the floor of the yard and dropping Chicken and the inmates down a pit'']

===&quot;Supermodel Cow / Part Time Job&quot;===
:'''Cow''': That's it! I'll get a part-time job at the milk farm. I'll make money to buy Crabs the Warthog!
:'''Chicken''': You think they want your milk? It says the finest cows on Earth, not Mars!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Dr. Chunks''': WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU, MAN?! CAN'T YOU READ?! &quot;NO CHICKEN MILK!!&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Chicken Chorus''': Itttttt's... easy-pickin', finger-lickin', chicken on a stick!
:'''The Red Guy''': With the Rear Admiral, you rarely get sick! Oh-ho!
:'''Chicken Chorus''': Nobody flips a boid...
:'''The Red Guy''': Like Rear Admiral Floyd!
:'''Chicken Chorus''': It's finger-lickin'!
:'''Chicken Chorus''': Nobody flips a boid...
:'''The Red Guy''': Like Rear Admiral Floyd!!!
:'''Chicken Chorus''': CHICKEN!!!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Chicken''': Hey, Mr. Hiney! When do I get paid for this gig?
:'''The Red Guy''': [''as Rear Admiral Floyd''] Oh, you won't need any money where you're going, little fella...
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

===&quot;Alive! / Who Is Supercow?&quot;===

:'''Mom''': Where would we be without you, Boneless Chicken?
:'''Boneless Chicken''': Where? Well, you'd be up a creek without a paddle or burning your bridges before they're hatched. Who can say, really?
[Mom, Dad, and Chicken laugh at Boneless' joke.]
:'''Dad''': Oh, Boneless, you always kill us!
:'''Boneless Chicken''': Ah, go on.
:'''Dad''': Will you be needing anything while we're away?
:'''Boneless Chicken''': Sure, how 'bout a spine for my limp and lifeless body? [Mom, Dad, and Chicken laugh once more as they soon head for Chicken's parent-teacher conference.]
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Cow''': Oh, Mom and Dad! I missed you both so much these long months of being marooned.
:'''Dad''': Sweetheart, we've only been gone half an hour for Chicken's parent-teacher conference.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''The Red Guy''': What else do I know about Supercow? WHAT ELSE?! Okay, THINK!!! [''smacks his head against the wall''] A: She speaks Spanish... TWO! She's a superhero... 
:'''Cow''': [''In Red guy's thoughts''] I'm just a widdle cow...
:'''The Red Guy''': Oh! THAT'S IT!!! She's a cow!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''The Red Guy''': Superheroes, are your leotards starting to stink? Is your booties getting brittle? IS YOUR CAPE KIND OF CRUDDY?! Well, come on over to Hiney Beau Dry Cleaners, where if you're a superhero, your CLEANING is free!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''The Red Guy''': [''holds up a sweetcorn-based superhero costume in disdain''] &quot;Corn-Cobb Man&quot;?! There's a lotta sick people in this town.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

===&quot;Confused / The Molting Fairy&quot;===
:'''Cow''': Mom always says not to go to the carnival naked.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''The Red Guy''': Got any scabs?! They could be worth gold.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

===&quot;The Ugliest Weenie&quot;===
:'''Red Guy''': Oh, we're flat out of time! Stay tuned after the commercial break! And maybe we'll show you the rest of the play! Or maybe we'll fill the time up with EVEN MORE COMMERCIALS!!! [''laughs maniacally'']
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Cow''': Didn't you remember Mom always says we should never run into a burning school auditorium?
:'''Chicken''': It must've slipped my mind!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

===&quot;Orthodontic Police / Cow with Four Eyes&quot;===
:'''The Red Guy''': [''as the Orthodontic Policeman''] What are you people, a bunch of communists?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Teacher''': Nothing is more important than straight teeth. Well, at least that's what the pantsless policeman said.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''The Red Guy''': ''[After getting his butt kicked by Supercow, he removes the last of the braces off the police officer]'' There, that's the last one.
:''[The policeman happily eats his doughnut and runs laughing.]''
:'''The Red Guy''': ''[Is revealed to wear the permanent braces with a satellite attached to them]'' Okay, I did what you said, I removed the braces off everybody. Now can you take off mine?! That was the deal.
:'''Chicken''': Oh, I wish we could, but we have already rented you out as a Satellite Tracking Dish.
:''[Cow and Chicken laugh as the Red Guy drives away after satellites drop from the sky]''
:'''The Red Guy''': Is there a real orthodontist in the house?

===&quot;Cow Instincts, Don't It? / Ballerina Cow&quot;===

:'''Cow''': I'm a big fat loser!
:'''Chicken''': I could have told you the big and fat part.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

===&quot;Chicken's First Kiss / Squirt the Daisies&quot;=== 
:'''Winney''': Hi Chicken! I like your wattle! Do you clean it with special soap to make it so shiny?!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mom''': Oh Chicken! You don't get cooties from being kissed; listen to Father!
:'''Chicken''': You don't?
:'''Dad''': No son. you get them from... toilet seats.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

===&quot;Space Cow / The Legend of Sailcat&quot;===
:'''Chicken''': [''to Cow''] They'd never let you go in outer space. There's no room!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

===&quot;Headhunting in Oregon / The King and Queen of Cheese&quot;=== 
:'''Dad''': We're going to Oregon to find some head hunters.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Red Guy''': Walter Jeans-Begone, headhunter guide, at your service!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''The Red Guy''': Hello! It's me, Larry Lackapants, Arkansas Cheese master, soon to be the King &amp; Queen of Cheese!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

==Season 2==
===&quot;Fluffy the Anaconda / The Laughing Puddle&quot;===
:'''Chicken''': Is anything in this cartoon ever going to make sense?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Red Guy''': The cartoon you just saw is true. The water in the Laughing Puddle is what scientists call THICK WATER!!! Meaning that it has molecules the size of WATERMELONS!!! TOO THICK TO RUN DOWN THE HOLE, but thin enough for our characters to pass through! If you ever get a chance to jump into Thick Water, DO IT!!! It feels really gooey! [''laughs softly'']
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

===&quot;Tongue Sandwich / Dream Date Chicken&quot;===
:'''Cow''': Uh, I believe...
:'''Tongue:''' He went that way.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Cow''': [Humming as she runs the vacuum]
:'''Mom''': Chicken, why don't you take a hint from your sister and take out the garbage?
:'''Chicken''': [Begins raging] Stop rattin' on me! Why do I always have to do everything around here?! [''Breaks the T.V.''] GET OFF MY CASE! [''Banging his fists the walls in tune with his line'']
:'''Mom''': Honey, talk to your son; I had just about all I can take. [''Runs away, crying'']
:'''Dad''': Listen here, Chief: when you're all grown up and living like some hopped up and crazy bachelor, you can sleep on a pile of garbage for all I care! But as long as you're living under my roof, you've got to live by my rules!
:'''Chicken''': But-
:'''Dad''': That's it! I'll have no back-talk, Mister! You're grounded! [''Chicken goes into his room and slams the door''] [''Cow opens the door and gasps'']
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Cow''': Where are you going?
:'''Chicken''': I am runnin' away to be a bachelor with cousin Boneless Chicken. No one tells him what to do; he just lays around his cool bachelor pad and does whatever he wants. Hasta la adiós, Cow. [''Chicken hops out of the window'']
:'''Cow''': Adiós, big brother. [She moos and then tears up, turning to her own bedroom] Oh, Chicken's a grown-up bachelor, and... I'm all alone! [Sits on the floor and cries] Ooh, I want to play grown-up bachelor, too! [Continues crying]
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Red Guy''': YOU'RE UNDER ARREST! For being a run away chicken. YOU TOO! Linda. FOR CONTRIBUTION TO THE DELQUINCY OF A CHICKEN! [laughing] OKAY, MEN! Get ready for your PUNISHMENT!

===&quot;Dirty Laundry / Grizzly Beaver Safari&quot;===
:'''The Red Guy''': Geraldo Rearviewa, Super Cow critic.

===&quot;The Bad News Plastic Surgeons / The Exchange Stüdent&quot;===
:'''Teacher''': Everybody just shut your porktraps for a minute!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''The Red Guy''': Plastic surgery isn't just a sport, it's l a way of life.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''The Red Guy''': Oh, I like your spirit. You're hired. Oh, by the way, who did your wattle?
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''The Red Guy''': Which one of you weenies is our victim-slash-volunteer?
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Cow''': Nip and tuck, short and curl, my brother Chicken is not a girl!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Chicken''': Couldn't have done this without you, Dr. Hiney.
:'''The Red Guy''': Oh, please call me Dr. Hiney.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Policeman''': Hey, it says here you're a plastic pipe salesman from bend Oregon!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Chicken''': He wasn't even a New Mexican...
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Cow''': Mom! Dad! Photo-realistic beaver is teasing me again!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

==Season 3==
===&quot;Can Cow Come Out and Play?&quot;===
:'''The Red Guy''': ''[riding his bike]'' Oh, nobody wants to play with me. I don't understand why!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Red Guy''': Be free, world! Yonder forth! And populate! ''[sighs]'' 
:''[As they run out of a trailer, numerous people trample Red under their feet]''
:'''The Red Guy''': Ouch, oh, oh, ow, oh, oh, oh! Oh. Ow! Oh, have a nice day! This is the happiest day of my life.
:''[Mom, Dad and Chicken standing on Red, Cow catches up to them]''
:'''Cow''': Oh, Mom, Dad, Big Brother! You're okay! Oh, I was so worried about you! Oh, you are a very bad ma... lady... whatever you are... for locking up everyone in the world in a trailer.
:'''The Red Guy''': Sorry.
:'''Dad''': You know, kids? Being locked up in a trailer with the whole world has taught us a valuable lesson.
:'''Chicken''': Yeah? What is it?
:'''Dad''': Beats me!
:'''Mom''': But I'm sure it's valuable!
:''[Mom, Dad and Cow are laughing except Chicken]''
:'''Chicken''': I think I liked it better in the trailer.

===&quot;Chicken in the Bathroom&quot;===
:''[Mom has ordered Chicken to stay in the tub until he takes a bath, and Mom, Dad, and Cow need to use the toilet]''
:'''Dad''': Chicken? Hurry up and take that bath, I gotta get in there!
:'''Chicken''': No dice.
:'''Cow''': Chicken? Are you done yet? I need to visit the reading room... to read?
:'''Mom''': Me too, Chicken, can I, um, use the bathroom too?
:'''Dad''': Come on son, I gotta core the apple!
:'''Mom''': I have to launch the raft!
:'''Dad''': Come on Chicken, I have to brick up the chimney!
:'''Cow''': I need to stir the bean, big brother! Will you be much longer?
:'''Chicken''': I ain't takin' no bath!
:'''Dad''': Come on! I gotta, uh, uh, feed the ducks.
:'''Cow''': Why don't you just get it over with, Chicken? I need to wax the board!
:'''Chicken''': The bathroom is closed for the duration.
:'''Dad''': Chicken! For crying out loud, I gotta jump the gun!
:'''Mom''': ''I can't hold it any longer!'' ...Could you please hurry honey?
:'''Cow''': ''I gotta peel the onions!''
:'''Chicken''': How rude! Not while I am in the tub, bub!
:'''Mom''': Hurry up! Chicken! I gotta wash the window!
:'''Dad''': I gotta make peace with the Germans!
:'''Mom''': Gotta run for Congress here!
:'''All three''': Come on Chicken, take a bath already!
:'''Cow''': Chicken! It's time to flip the pickles!
:'''Dad''': Come on, Chicken!
:'''Mom''': I gotta resole the family christen!
:'''Cow''': I simply must pull the rip cord!
:'''Dad''': I must wash the windows!
:'''Mom''': I, I, I gotta spoon the balls!
:'''Cow''': Let the little puppies run! Please?
:'''Dad''': Gotta shake hands with the President!
:'''Mom''': Gotta press the issue!
:'''Cow''': Chicken, I need to let the cat out!
:'''Dad''': It's time to drive the governor home...
:'''Mom''': I... need... to... stuff... the... olives!
:'''Cow''': Have to shuck the corn!
:'''Mom''': Oooh! It is time to ''burp the baby''!
:'''Cow''': May I please stabber out the facts?
:'''Mom''': I... I... got... to... strike... my... pansy!
:'''Cow''': Lay some carpet, por favor!
:'''Dad''': Gotta talk to the boss! THAT IS IT, CHICKEN!!! 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Dad''': Okay, men. I've got a plan.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Dad''' Ready or not, Chicken! (He, Mom, and Cow let out a battle cry and surround Chicken.) Son, if you don’t take a bath, then we'll give you one!
:'''Chicken''': (gasps)
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

===Chickens Don't Fly===
:''[Cow and Chicken approach the airplane, where they are greeted by the Red Guy.]''
:'''The Red Guy''': Hello! I'm Bunny, your Flight Attendant! Oh, isn't it a great day to be HURLED THROUGH THE AIR, twenty-three billion feet above the Earth, with only a vewy, vewy thin sheet of aluminium between you and A TEN MINUTE SCREAMING DROP to an abrupt stop?

===Chicken Lips===
:'''Chicken''': Not only am I not a boy, I'm not even a chicken! ''[breaks into tears]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Cow''': Ooh, I hope my big bwudder is gonna be okay, oh, if only I hadn't been whistwing in fwont of him, he wouwdn't have faced in dis wife, oh... I wish I nevew whistwed again in my wife!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Cow''': Evewyone can whistwe, Chicken, it is one of wife's speciaw out gifts.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

===101 Uses For Cow and Chicken===
:'''Cow''': ''[with a price tag on her labelled 19 cent]'' My buns are only 19 cents? ''[tearfully]'' '''I AM SO''' '''''CHEAP!!!''''' ''[sobbing and mooing]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Red Guy''': GOOD MORNING! Coffee, grandma? I think you'd make a ''great'' coffee cup. ''[opens up Chicken's beak, pours coffee in him, and starts spilling the coffee on himself]'' It leaks.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Red Guy''': ''[uses Chicken as a face towel]'' Hey, you're not ''bad'' as a towel! ''[looks at himself in the mirror; gasps]'' Oh! I didn't brush my teeth this year! Guess what ''you'' get to be! [squirts toothpaste on Chicken and starts brushing his teeth with him; spits in the sink] Ooh. I NEED A NICE CLOSE SHAVE! [sharpens Chicken's beak on a belt; starts shaving his chin and his tongue with Chicken] [shaves his armpit] AHH! CAN'T YOU AT LEAST HUM A LITTLE?! WORK WITH ME HERE!
:'''Chicken''': ''[blows raspberry at him]''
:'''The Red Guy''':  THAT'S '''''IT!''''' NOW MY SHAVER'S SPITTING AT ME! I've been ripped off! YOU GUYS ARE USELESS! I'm taking you back to the store.

==Season 4==
===I Scream Man===
:'''Chicken''': My waddle is getting all wrinkly. I sure could use somethin' to wet my whistle. ''[Cow squirts milk at him]''  Somethin' besides ''that''.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Cow and Chicken get caught by Dad while trying to catch the Arbor Day Pig.]''
:'''Cow''': We're busted.
:'''Dad''': Oh, you kids know that you can't open this piggie until Arbor Day. ''[Arbor Day Pig has sticker labelled &quot;Do Not Open 'Til Arbor Day&quot; on his butt]''
:'''Arbor Day Pig''': Ha!
:'''Dad''': And that's three days away. ''[Pig blows raspberry, but then gasps]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Red Guy''': DING DING '''''DING''''' DING DING DING DING! STUPID SONG IS DRIVING ME... nuts!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Red Guy''': ''[with Cow and Chicken chasing him]'' THIS IS MADNESS!!! ''[screams]'' LEAVE ME ALONE!!!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Red Guy''': Oh ''crud''! I must've thrown out all my ice cream at those funny-looking kids. ''[gives Chicken ice cubes in an ice cream cone]'' Here you go, duck.
:'''Chicken''': Hey! This is just a ''cone'' with ice cubes in it!
:'''The Red Guy''': And your point is? '''''NEXT!''''' 
:'''Cow''': Do you have any gravy freezies?
:'''The Red Guy''': NO!
:'''Cow''': Frozen pork buttocks?
:'''The Red Guy''': NO!
:'''Cow''': A beaver-tail cone surprise?
:'''The Red Guy''': How about a beaver ''in'' a cone? ''[pulls out a beaver in a cone]'' SURPRISE! ''[leaps out of his ice cream truck]'' AAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! I DON'T ''HAVE'' ANY ICE CREAM, NONE WHATSO'''''EVER!''''' I don't even like ice cream. OR ''KIDS''! It says &quot;I Scream&quot; on my truck, not ice cream! Get it? Cause... I '''''SCREAM!''''' Look at me. ''[spins in circles]'' '''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!''''' Ooh. ''[chuckles]'' Screaming is my hobby!
:'''Police Officer''': ''[hits The Red Guy with sausage]'' It's the padded cell for you, scream man!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Mom''': How about some frozen Arbor Day piggie pops?
:'''Arbor Day Pig''': PIGGIE POPS?! OKAY! THAT IS ''IT''! TIME OUT! I've put enough with psychological torture for one pig! YOU GUYS ARE '''''CANNIBALS!''''' DO YOU '''''HEAR''''' ME?! YOU'RE ALL OFF YOUR ''NUT!'' ''[runs away screaming]''
:'''Mom''': What is up with ''that''?
:'''Dad''': You know, Mama, we lose more Arbor Day piggies that way.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Red Guy''': No actual Arbor Day piggies were hurt during the making of this film. But ''I'' was. My feelings were hurt! More than once! There was the first time in scene 40 and that once in scene 57 and... did you know that I do my own STUNTS? No stunt double for The Red Guy, oh no, no, no, no. ''[looks around]'' Feiss will not spring for that, no! I'm not good enough for a STUNT DOUBLE! ''[starts sobbing]'' OH, LIFE'S NOT FAIR! All right, you can end now. ''[laughs]'' END!

===Duck, Duck Chicken!/The Great Pantzini===
:'''Slappy the Pig''': See, kids? It's like I told you. You can surgically alter a chicken into a duck, but he's still the duck. All right, kids, forget what I said at the beginning of the show. Sometimes a sack of manure can be a duck. Oh, that's not right?! I don't know! I am not a scientist! I am a pig! WHY ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?! I AM BACON, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!
:'''The Red Guy''': The producers wish to apologise for the previous Slappy the Pig insert, it was a PATHETIC AND DESPERATE ATTEMPT ON THE PART OF SLAPPY TO PROLONG HIS LIFE!
:'''Narrator''': The producers wish to apologise for the previous outburst by the pantless actor who no longer works for the show. We are sorry... END!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Red Guy''': Would you like to have your laughter back, too? ''[Laughs proudly crazy]'' END!!!

===The Cow and Chicken Blues/The Ballad of Cow and Chicken===
:''[last lines of the series]''
:'''The Red Guy''': Yeah! hold it, It was brilliant! Bravo! Get up, my little crab friends. Ow! Oh, oh. Ow! Oh, oh. Ha, ha, ha, ha! Easy with the pinchers. Ow! Ow! Oh. I did not have to bring you guys tonight! Looks like Red Guy always gets in the END! Ha, ha, ha, ha!

==Voice cast==
* [[w:Charlie Adler|Charlie Adler]] as Cow; Chicken; The Red Guy.
* [[w:Brendan Fraser|Brendan Fraser]] as Boneless Chicken.
* [[Dee Bradley Baker]] as Dad.
* [[w:Candi Milo|Candi Milo]] as Mom and Teacher.
* [[w:Howard Morris|Howard Morris]] as Flem.
* [[w:Dan Castellaneta|Dan Castellaneta]] as Earl.
* [[w:Jess Harnell|Jess Harnell]] as Cerberus (from pilot)

==See also==
[[I Am Weasel]]

==External Links==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0118289|title=Cow and Chicken}}

[[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:1990s American surreal comedy TV shows]]
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[[Category:Cartoon Network original series]]
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  <page>
    <title>Elizabeth Bowen</title>
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      <minor />
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      <text bytes="3823" sha1="gakz2pf1jz2wou0rc5qylyw33u9hr1i" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Elizabeth Bowen Thompson school founder.png|thumb|Elizabeth Bowen in 1933]]
'''[[w:Elizabeth Bowen|Elizabeth Dorothea Cole Bowen]]''' ([[June 7]] [[1899]] – [[February 22]] [[1973]]) was an Anglo-Irish novelist and short story writer.

==Quotes==
===''[[w:The Last September|The Last September]]'' (1929)===
* &lt;p&gt;&quot;What's the matter with this country is the matter with the lot of us individually— our sense of [[personality]] is a sense of outrage and we'll never get outside of it.&quot;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;But the hold of the country ''was'' that, she considered, it could be thought of in terms of oneself, so interpreted.&lt;/p&gt;

===''[[w:The House in Paris|The House in Paris]]'' (1935)===
* Fate is not an eagle, it creeps like a rat.

* This is the worst of love, this unmeant mystification — someone smiling and going out without saying where, or a letter arriving, being read in your presence, put away, not explained, or: &quot;No, alas, I can't to-night&quot; on the telephone — that, one person having set up without knowing, the other cannot undo without the where? who? why? that brings them both down a peg. Jealousy is no more than feeling alone against smiling enemies.

* And yet in a way I would rather fail point blank. Things one can do have no value. I don't mind feeling small myself, but I dread finding the world is.

* It is a wary business, walking about a strange house you are to know well. Only cats and dogs with their more expressive bodies enact the tension we share with them at such times. The you inside you gathers up defensively: something is stealing upon you every moment; you will never be quite the same again. These new unsmiling lights, reflections and objects are to become your memories, riveted to you closer than friends or lovers, going with you, even, into the grave: worse, they may become dear and fasten like so many leeches on your heart.

===''[[w:The Death of the Heart|The Death of the Heart]]'' (1939)===
* Experience isn't interesting until it begins to repeat itself — in fact, till it does that, it hardly ''is'' experience.
** Part 1, chapter 1

* Intimacies between women go backwards, beginning in revelations and ending up in small talk without loss of esteem.
** [http://books.google.com/books?id=6DPQAAAAMAAJ&amp;q=%22intimacies+between+women+go+backwards+beginning+with+revelations+and+ending+up+in+small+talk+without+loss+of+esteem%22&amp;pg=PA172#v=onepage Part 2, chapter 1]

* Only in a house where one has learnt to be lonely does one have this solicitude for ''things''. One's relation to them, the daily seeing or touching, begins to become love, and to lay one open to pain.
** Part 2, chapter 2

* The heart may think it knows better: the senses know that absence blots people out. We have really no absent friends.
** Part 2, chapter 2

===''A Time in Rome'' (1960)===
:&lt;small&gt;London: Longmans, 1960&lt;/small&gt;
* [T]here is a flaw in civilization from the instant it has to admit fear.
** Ch. I, p. 23

* [U]ntruths are thieves, robbing us of a birthright.
** Ch. II, p. 59

* [[Cicero]], in invoking the law of heaven, invoked what was by nature ''of'' heaven: law — inviolable principle, better than the vacillating gods.
** Ch. III, p. 80

* It is thought that women inspire by their beauty; more often they do so by their longings.
** Ch. IV, p. 132

* I am sick of the governessy attitude of our age, which is coming to be more genuinely presumptuous, nosier and more busybody than the Victorian.
** Ch. V, p. 141

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}

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[[Category:People from Dublin]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Marjaneh Bakhtiari</title>
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        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
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      <comment>−[[Category:Authors from Iran]]; ±[[Category:Women authors]]→[[Category:Women authors from Iran]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]]</comment>
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      <text bytes="612" sha1="nue8gx8l0z3uwwofvafenjztsdoevnm" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Marjanehbaktiari.jpeg|thumb|right]]
'''Marjaneh Bakhtiari''' (born [[1980]] in [[w:Tehran, Iran|Tehran - Iran]]) is an [[Iran|Iranian]] author living in [[Sweden]].

{{author-stub}}
==Quotes==

* You truly are an extraordinary man, Mr Sandeen. Nobody I know counts weeks. That is absolutely marvelous.
** ''Kalla det vad fan du vill'', Finland 2005, p. 85

{{DEFAULTSORT:Bakhtiari, Marjaneh}}
[[Category:People from Tehran]]
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    <title>Éamon de Valera</title>
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      <comment>/* Quotes */ whenever I wanted to know what the Irish people wanted I had only to examine my own heart and it told me straight off what the Irish people wanted</comment>
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      <text bytes="15235" sha1="tdqq8ndgqmq9k5xuyjpwkd60xe2v934" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Eamon de Valera c 1922-30.jpg|thumb|right|All history is man's efforts to realise ideals.]]
'''[[w:Eamon de Valera|Eamon de Valera]]''' ([[14 October]] [[1882]] – [[29 August]] [[1975]]) was an Irish politician, born '''George de Valero''', Irish name '''Éamonn de Bhailéara'''.
{{political-stub}}

==Quotes==
[[File:Éamon de Valera, 1946.jpg|thumb|Éamon de Valera on 1946]]
[[File:Dunguaire castle view.jpg|thumb|The ideal Ireland that we would have, the Ireland that we dreamed of, would be the home of a people who valued material wealth only as a basis for right living, of a people who, satisfied with frugal comfort, devoted their leisure to the things of the spirit...]]
[[File:Castles of Munster, Ardfinnan, Tipperary - geograph.org.uk - 1393364.jpg|thumb|...a land whose countryside would be bright with cosy homesteads, whose fields and villages would be joyous with the sounds of industry, with the romping of sturdy children, the contest of athletic youths and the laughter of happy maidens, whose firesides would be forums for the wisdom of serene old age.]]
[[File:Ireland (MODIS).jpg|thumb|The home, in short, of a people living the life that God desires that men should live.]]
[[File:Michael Collins in military uniform.jpg|thumb|It is my considered opinion that in the fullness of time history will record the greatness of [[Michael Collins]] and it will be recorded at my expense.]]

* I have not lived solely amongst the intellectuals. The first fifteen years of my life that formed my character were lived amongst the Irish people down in Limerick; therefore, I know what I am talking about; and whenever I wanted to know what the Irish people wanted I had only to examine my own heart and it told me straight off what the Irish people wanted.
** [https://www.oireachtas.ie/en/debates/debate/dail/1922-01-06/3/#:~:text=I%20have%20not%20lived%20solely%20amongst%20the%20intellectuals Debate on Treaty], Second Dáil, 6 January 1922

*'''The ideal Ireland that we would have, the Ireland that we dreamed of, would be the home of a people who valued material wealth only as a basis for right living, of a people who, satisfied with frugal comfort, devoted their leisure to the things of the spirit – a land whose countryside would be bright with cosy homesteads, whose fields and villages would be joyous with the sounds of industry, with the romping of sturdy children, the contest of athletic youths and the laughter of happy maidens, whose firesides would be forums for the wisdom of serene old age. The home, in short, of a people living the life that God desires that men should live.''' With the tidings that make such an Ireland possible, [[w:St. Patrick|St. Patrick]] came to our ancestors fifteen hundred years ago promising happiness here no less than happiness hereafter. It was the pursuit of such an Ireland that later made our country worthy to be called the [[w:land of saints and scholars|island of saints and scholars]]. It was the idea of such an Ireland - happy, vigorous, spiritual - that fired the imagination of our poets; that made successive generations of patriotic men give their lives to win religious and political liberty; and that will urge men in our own and future generations to die, if need be, so that these liberties may be preserved. One hundred years ago, the [[w:Young Irelanders|Young Irelanders]], by holding up the vision of such an Ireland before the people, inspired and moved them spiritually as our people had hardly been moved since the [[w:Irish Golden Age|Golden Age of Irish civilisation]]. Fifty years later, the founders of the [[w:Gaelic League|Gaelic League]] similarly inspired and moved the people of their day. So, later, did the leaders of the [[w:Irish Volunteers|Irish Volunteers]]. We of this time, if we have the will and active enthusiasm, have the opportunity to inspire and move our generation in like manner. We can do so by keeping this thought of a noble future for our country constantly before our eyes, ever seeking in action to bring that future into being, and ever remembering that it is for our nation as a whole that future must be sought.
**[http://www.rte.ie/archives/exhibitions/eamon-de-valera/719124-address-by-mr-de-valera/ Radio broadcast], &quot;[[w:The Ireland That We Dreamed Of|On Language &amp; the Irish Nation]]&quot; (17 March 1943), often called &quot;The Ireland that we dreamed of&quot; speech

* '''It is my considered opinion that in the fullness of time [[history]] will record the greatness of [[Michael Collins (Irish leader)|Michael Collins]] and it will be recorded at my expense.'''
** Comment in 1966, quoted in ''Michael Collins : A Biography'' (1990) by Tim Pat Coogan, p. 432.

===Ireland Among the Nations (6 February 1933)===
:&lt;small&gt;Radio address on Radio Athlone, quoted in Lewis Copeland (ed.), ''The World's Great Speeches'' (1942)&lt;/small&gt;

*When [[Christianity]] was brought to her shores it was received with a joy and eagerness, and held with a tenacity of which there is hardly such another example.
**p. 446

*Next to her services to [[religion]], [[Ireland]]'s greatest contribution to the welfare of humanity has been the example of devotion to [[freedom]] which she has given throughout seven hundred years. 
**p. 446

*Ireland has produced in [[Jonathan Swift|Dean Swift]] perhaps the greatest [[Satire|satirist]] in the [[English language]]; in [[Edmund Burke]] probably the greatest writer on [[politics]]; in [[w:William Carleton|William Carleton]] a [[novelist]] of the first rank; in [[Oliver Goldsmith]] a poet of rare merit. [[Henry Grattan]] was one of the most eloquent orators of his time—the golden age of oratory in the English language. [[Theobald Wolfe Tone]] has left us one of the most delightful [[Autobiography|autobiographies]] in [[literature]]. Several recent or still living Irish novelists and poets have produced work which is likely to stand the test of time.
**p. 447

*[[w:Music of Ireland|Ireland's music]] is of a singular beauty. Based on pentatonic scale its melodies reach back to a period anterior to the dawn of musical history. It stands pre-eminent amongst the music of the Celtic nations. It is characterised by perfection of form and variety of melodic content. It is particularly rich in tunes that imply exquisite sensitiveness. The strange fitfulness of the lamentations and love songs, the transition from gladness to pathos, have thrilled the experts, and made them proclaim our music the most varied and the most poetical in the world. Equal in rhythmic variety are our dance tunes—spirited and energetic in keeping with the temperament of our people.
**p. 447

*The Irish genius has always stressed spiritual and intellectual rather than material values. 
**p. 447

*In this day, if Ireland is faithful to her mission, and, please God, she will be, if as of old she recalls men to forgotten truths, if she places before them the ideals of justice, of order, of freedom rightly used, of Christian brotherhood—then, indeed, she can do the world a service as great as that which she rendered in the time of [[Columba|Columcille]] and [[w:Columbanus|Columbanus]], because the need of our time is in no wise less.
**p. 448

=== ''Judging Dev'' (2007) ===
:&lt;small&gt;Quotes of de Valera, as presented in ''Judging Dev : A Reassessment of the Life and Legacy of Eamon De Valera'' (2007) Royal Irish Academy ISBN: 1904890288 &lt;/small&gt;

* No matter what the future may hold for the Irish nation, the seven years — 1916 to 1923 — must ever remain a period of absorbing interest. Not for over two hundred years has there been such a period of intense and sustained effort to regain the national [[sovereignty]] and [[independence]]. Over the greater part of the period it was the effort of, one might say, the entire nation. An overwhelming majority of the people of this island combined voluntarily during those years in pursuit of a common purpose.
** On &quot;[[w:The Troubles|The Troubles]]&quot; in Ireland.

* Nature never intended me to be a partisan leader … &lt;br&gt; Every instinct of mine would indicate that I was meant to be a dyed-in-the-wool Tory, or even a bishop, rather than the leader of a revolution.

* For [[Irish people|Irishmen]], there is no [[Association football|football]] game to match rugby and if all our young men played rugby not only would we beat [[England]] and [[Wales]] but [[France]] and the whole lot of them put together.
** Quoted from a 1957 speech.

* Of course I wrote most of the Constitution myself. I remember hesitating for a long time over the [[President of the United States|US presidential system]]. But it wouldn't have done — we were too trained in English democracy to sit down under a [[dictatorship]] which is what the [[Federal government of the United States|American system]] really is.
** As quoted from a conversation with a former British Ambassador Sir Arthur Gilchrist and the late Foreign Affairs Minister [[w:Frank Aiken|Frank Aiken]].

* Ministers not responsible to [[Parliamentary system|parliament]] — that would never do. Besides, I wanted to prepare a nice quiet job without too much work for my old age. Still, I admit, I was tempted. Look at the way de Gaulle rules France … absolute rule … very efficient.
** As quoted from a conversation with a former British Ambassador Sir Arthur Gilchrist and the late Foreign Affairs Minister [[w:Frank Aiken|Frank Aiken]].

=== ''I'm Glad You Asked Me That'' (2007) ===
:&lt;small&gt; Quotes of de Valera from ''I'm Glad You Asked Me That : Irish Political Quotations'' (2007) by Eoghan Corry ISBN: 9780340924525&lt;/small&gt;

*England pretends it is not by the naked sword, but by the good will of the people of the country that she is here. We will draw the naked sword to make her bare her own naked sword.
** (25 October 1917).

* Partition is after all only an old fortress of crumbled masonry — held together with the plaster of fiction.
** (January 1918).

*I am against this Treaty not because I am a man of war but because I am a man of peace. I am against this Treaty because it will not end the centuries of conflict between the two nations of [[Great Britain]] and Ireland.
** (18 December 1921).

* '''All history is man's efforts to realise ideals.'''
** (5 February 1929).

* A Dhomhnall, I have to tell you, you are abolished.
** To Domhnall O'Buachalla on abolishing the position of Governor-General

==Quotes about de Valera==
:&lt;small&gt;'''In alphabetical order by author or source.'''&lt;/small&gt;
*How could one argue with a man who was always drawing lines and circles to explain the position; who, one day, drew a [[diagram]] [here Michael illustrated with pen and paper] saying 'take a point A, draw a straight line to point B, now three-fourths of the way up the line take a point C. The straight line AB is the road to the Republic; C is where we have got to along the road, we cannot move any further along the straight road to our goal B; take a point out there, D [off the line AB]. Now if we bend the line a bit from C to D then we can bend it a little further, to another point E and if we can bend it to CE that will get us around Cathal Brugha which is what we want!' How could you talk to a man like that?
**[[Michael Collins (Irish leader)|Michael Collins]] referring to de Valera in conversation with Michael Hayes at the debates over the [[w:Anglo-Irish Treaty|Anglo-Irish Treaty]] in 1921.
**Michael Hayes Papers, P53/299, UCDA. Quoted in Doherty, Gabriel and Keogh, Dermot (2006) ''Michael Collins and the Making of the Irish State'', Mercier Press, p. 153.

* De Valera paused before replying to the suggestion. It had been his [[Karma]] to live a long and distinguished public life. Although he was then in his eighty-fifth year he was looking forward to a second seven-year term as President of Ireland. But he knew that before the bar of history his name and fame were inextricably linked with a man whose allotted span had been destined to be but a third of his own. He knew that the story of Eamon de Valera could not be told without that of Michael Collins. Already he had embarked on what he knew in his heart was a futile effort to influence the record for the benefit of posterity. His newspaper and political empires had published innumerable favourable articles, histories and recollections. And in the years ahead he planned to ensure that much more favourable comment and chronology would be collated and set down. He had fashioned a vigorous dialectic of de Valerism that would bulwark him against critical re-appraisal long into the future. But de Valera was a realist, a man whose doodlings on the back of documents took the form of mathematical symbols. He realised only too well that his party, his [[newspapers]], his Constitution even, had grown out of his opposition to Michael Collins and the [[Irish Civil War|resultant civil war]]. He knew that eventually, in the truthful telling of history, two and two would make four. Torn between his own clarity of vision and the myths he had spun around himself, de Valera struggled painfully for words to express himself. Then he said, &quot;I can't see my way to becoming Patron of the Michael Collins Foundation. It's my considered opinion that in the fullness of time history will record the greatness of Collins and it will be recorded at my expense.&quot; He could be right.
** [[w:Tim Pat Coogan|Tim Pat Coogan]] ''Michael Collins: The Man Who made Ireland'' (1992), p. 432

* It must be clear to you, Mr. President, from the reception you received everywhere, the deep affection with which you are held here in [[United States|America]]--your second home. You are at once a legend and a warm friend. Your public career encompasses the history of modern Ireland to such an extent that you are not only its leading representative; you are also its personification, with all the [[pride]], [[charm]], [[courage]] and [[understanding]] that are associated with Ireland and its people. Under your wise leadership, [[Republic of Ireland|Ireland]] not only regained her freedom and independence; it has become a distinguished member of the community of nations, dedicated to the causes of independence, freedom and peace.
** [[Lyndon B. Johnson]]; [https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/node/239558 Message to President de Valera Online], The American Presidency Project; 30 May 1964

*Mr. de Valera did stand up to the Church, where he thought the Church was wrong—about the Irish Republic. But on issues like divorce, contraception, obscene literature, there was no question of standing up to the Church because Mr. de Valera—a good Catholic, in the traditional sense, from rural Ireland—agreed with the Church on such matters.
**[[Conor Cruise O'Brien]], ''States of Ireland'' (1972), p. 119

==External links==
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    <title>Muppet Babies</title>
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'''''[[w:Muppet Babies (1984 TV series)|Muppet Babies]]''''' is an animated television series that aired from 1984 to 1991 on the [[w:CBS|CBS]], [[w:Playhouse Disney|Playhouse Disney]], [[w:Nick (TV channel)|Nickelodeon]], [[w:Claster Television|Claster Television]], [[w:Nick Jr. (TV channel)|Nick Jr.]], (United States) [[w:Treehouse TV|Treehouse TV]] (Canada), and [[w:Disney Channel|Disney Channel]] (United States).

== Season 1 (1984)  ==

=== Who's Afraid of the Big, Bad Dark? [1.02] ===
:''[After the chase of the slime monster]''
:'''Kermit''': ''[sighs, opens the fence board to check]'' I think we lost it. ''[closes it, sees someone in a ghost costume which makes 11 of the kids]'' Hey, wait a minute. 1, 2, 3...that's funny. How many of us were there when we started the story?
:'''Gonzo''': 10. Why?
:'''Kermit''': 10? Why, uh, ''[points at someone in a ghost costume]'' I think we picked up a stray.
:''[Gonzo removes the sheet and it turns out to be the slime monster, who growls]''
:'''Kids''': Slime monster!
:'''Gonzo''': Let's get outta here! Help!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[In the haunted house]''
:'''Skeeter''': ''[comes out of the sheet]'' Are you sure you saw the slime monster in that closet, Gonzo?
:'''Gonzo''': ''[comes out of the sheet]'' I don't know. Maybe it was my imagination.
:'''Fozzie''': ''[comes out of the sheet]'' That's right. That's all it was. There aren't any slime monsters around here, uh,  are there? ''[the slime monster comes out of the sheet, roars]'' That's good. For a minute there, I was getting worried. ''[gives a shocked look]'' Slime monster!
:'''Kids''': ''[run away]'' Slime monster!
:'''Animal''': Monster! Aah!
:'''Beaker''': Slime monster!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Fozzie:''' ''[to the slime monster]'' When does a ghost need a license? ''[the slime monster scratches it's head, and blubbers, &quot;I don't know&quot;]'' During haunting season! ''[laughs nervously]'' Pretty funny, huh?
:''[The slime monster roars]''

=== Raiders of the Lost Muppet [1.04] ===
:'''Gonzo''': Let's synchronize our watches. 
:'''Scooter''': We don't have any watches. 
:'''Gonzo''': That's okay, I don't know what synchronize means anyway. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Fozzie''': This fantasy is rated PG. We're under age. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Skeeter''': Rowlf can pick up the scent. 
:'''Rowlf''': I didn't know anybody dropped it.

=== Close Encounters of the Frog Kind [1.09] ===
:'''Kermit''': They don't call me the fastest gum in the west for nothing, ya know.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Piggy''': ''[about Robin]'' He's adorable, just like his Uncle Kermie.
:'''Kermit''': Uncle Kermie? I never asked to be an uncle. 
:'''Skeeter''': Kermit! Nobody asks to be an uncle. Your big sister had babies, that makes you an uncle, and the babies are your nieces and nephews. 
:'''Kermit''': Oh, that's different.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Piggy''': ''[reading to Robin]'' And so Piggy followed the little tadpole down its tadpole hole. ''[as herself]'' Oh, I'm falling!
:'''Gonzo''': Hold everything! You're not telling the story right, Piggy. The pictures show Alice chasing a white rabbit down a rabbit hole, not a tadpole hole. 
:'''Piggy''': I say it's a tadpole, and he went down a tadpole hole. And if you don't want to wind up stuffed in a weirdo hole, '''''YOU BETTER KEEP QUIET!!!'''''

=== Gonzo's Video Show [1.10] ===
:'''Gonzo''': ''[trying to adjust video camera]'' Hey, stay in focus. You're fuzzy. 
:'''Fozzie''': No way, Gonzo. I'm not Fuzzy, I'm Fozzie. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[The Muppets are making a movie; Gonzo is directing]'' 
:'''Piggy''': And I'm going to be the producer. 
:'''Kermit''': Gee, what do producers do, Piggy? 
:'''Piggy''': ''THEY FIRE DIRECTORS!'' ''[lunges at Gonzo]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[After the Muppets decide to make a Star Wars movie]''
:'''Fozzie''': Oh, I know who I can play! ''[grabs two belts]'' I could play Whewbacca the Cookie!
:'''Kermit''': Um, that's Chewbacca the Wookie, Fozzie.
:'''Fozzie''': That's what I said, Cuchacca the Bookie.
:'''Kermit''': Oh Gee.

== Season  2 (1985) ==

=== Fozzie's Last Laugh [2.03] ===
:'''Piggy''': Scooter, if you had ten hot dogs and Skeeter took three of them, what would you have? 
:'''Fozzie''': He'd have a tummy ache. Get it? Ha ha. Wokka wokka wokka. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Piggy''': If you have to tell jokes then tell them to the wall. 
:'''Fozzie''': Okay, hey wall, why did the man put a sweater on his hot dog? Because it was a chili dog. Wokka wokka wokka. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Fozzie''': What's the difference between an orange? 
:'''Nanny''': Go ahead, Fozzie, finish the joke. 
:'''Fozzie''': It ''is'' finished. ''That's'' the joke. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Fozzie has given up on comedy and now taken a job as a door-to-door salesman]''
:'''Piggy''': Who is it?
:'''Fozzie''': Door-to-door salesman.
:'''Piggy''': Is this anything funny?
:'''Fozzie''': Not at all, M'aam. These are unique encyclopedias.
:'''Piggy''': Okay, come on in.
:'''Fozzie''': These encyclopedia are where you open it up, the subject comes to you! Look at &quot;P&quot;, a parrot!
:''[The parrot appears]''
:'''Piggy''': Neat! How about &quot;O&quot;?
:'''Fozzie''': Careful, because you may get the... ''[water appears]'' ...ocean!
:''[The ocean destroys entire house save for the couch, where Piggy and Fozzie are now adrift on]''
:'''Piggy''': Quick! Open up &quot;N&quot; and get us the Navy!
:''[The oranges appear on the couch]''
:'''Fozzie''': I got us navel oranges!

=== The Muppet Museum of Art [2.11] ===

:'''Fozzie:''' ''(about his painting)'' Pretty good, huh? I think I'll call it &quot;Still-Life With Tomatoes.&quot; 
:''[Scooter retches]''
:'''Rowlf:''' I think you oughta stick to telling jokes, Fozzie.

=== When you Wish Upon a Muppet [2.13] ===
:'''Piggy''': I know what Kermit's wish is. It's that we get married. 
:'''Kermit''': I don't wanna waste a wish. 
:'''Piggy''': WHAT?!
:'''Kermit''': Uh, on something that's gonna happen anyway.

== Season 3 (1986) ==

=== Pigerella [3.01] ===
:''[In a Cinderella parody]''
:'''Piggy''': ''[answering the door]'' Who is it? You never know when the Big Bad Wolf might turn up.

=== Muppets in Toyland [3.04] ===
:'''Fozzie''': ''[hops on a toy motorcycle, but it will not go]'' Aw gee, my imagination must be outta gas.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Gonzo''': Personally, I never could figure out these toys that change from one thing to another.

=== The Muppet Broadcasting Company [3.05] ===
:''[After the power to the nursery is lost]''
:'''Gonzo''': Come on, let's set up the dominos again.
:'''Skeeter''': But we won't be able to see them.
:'''Fozzie''': That's okay. We didn't see them the first time either.
:'''Others''': Fozzie!
:'''Fozzie''': Sorry.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''&quot;Fozzie Burns&quot;''': So tell me, Animal Allen, what do you call a grape fish with jelly on it?
:'''&quot;Animal Allen&quot;''': Dinner! ''[laughs hysterically]'' 
:''[The audience laughs]''
:'''&quot;Fozzie Burns&quot;''': No, that's not right! You call a grape fish with jelly on it a Grape Jellyfish! Wokka wokka wokka! ''[the audience boos and throws tomatoes]'' Wait a minute! I got a better one! Tell me, Animal Allen, what do you call a kangaroo in Scotland? 
:'''&quot;Animal Allen&quot;''': Dinner! ''[laughs hysterically and falls off chair]''
:''[The audience laughs again]''
:'''&quot;Fozzie Burns&quot;''': No, no, no! That's not right! You call a kangaroo in Scotland long distance. Get it? Wokka wokka wokka. ''[the audience boos again and he gets hit with tomatoes]'' Gee, it's a good thing the audience at home can't throw tomatoes at me. ''[the home listeners throw tomatoes from their homes right into the theater at him]'' Gosh, I wonder what you call a comedian that isn't funny? 
:'''&quot;Animal Allen&quot;''': Fozzie! ''[laughs again]''
:''[The audience laughs again]''
:'''&quot;Fozzie Burns&quot;''': ''[dejectedly]'' Say goodnight, Animal.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Beaker''': Meep, meep meep meep. 
:'''Bunsen''': You want to know how I, Sherlock Bunsen, am going to get us out of this mess? Elephant fleas, my dear Beaker, all we have to do is not listen to the next episode.

=== Kermit Goes to Washington [3.06] ===
:'''Scooter''': When I grow up, I'm going to run for Congress. 
:'''Fozzie''': Gee, it's a long way to Washington, Scooter, maybe you should start running now.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Scooter''': Abraham Lincoln was president during the Civil War. He helped free the slaves and wrote the Gettysburg address. 
:'''Kermit''': Um, what is the Gettysburg address? 
:'''Statue of Abe Lincoln''': ''[comes to life]'' Why, 227 Gettysburg Road of course.
:''[The kids scream in terror and run]''

=== Fozzie's Family Tree [3.07] ===
:''[Fozzie is on a quest to find comedian ancestors. He finds himself in a football stadium with anthromorphic bears wearing football uniforms]''
:'''Fozzie''': Wow! The Chicago Bears! Hey, why are you so glum?
:'''Football Player 1''': We are champion football players.
:'''Fozzie''': What's wrong with that?
:'''Football Player 2''': We want to be comedians!
:'''Fozzie''': I can help with that! Huddle up, guys.
:''[Football players huddle with Fozzie, who tells them a joke]''
:'''Football Player 3''': 24-36-72-Joke!
:'''Football Player 2''': Why is it always cool at a football game?
:'''Football Player 1''': Because there are always a lot of fans in the bleachers! Wokka, wokka, wokka!
:''[The audience boos and throws tomatoes at football players. Annoyed, they chase Fozzie out of the stadium]''

=== The Daily Muppet [3.08] ===
:''[Kermit is dreaming he is resting on a lily pad in a pond. Suddenly he is abducted by a submarine full of frogs like him wearing his sailor outfit]''
:'''Frog Sailor''': Enemy sighted, Captain!
:'''Captain''': You are just what we need for our submarine!
:'''Kermit''': ''[salutes]'' I will do my best, Captain.
:'''Captain''': Oh, we do not need another sailor. We need a torpedo!
:[''Two frog sailors load Kermit into the torpedo tube, which then jars him awake from his nightmare]''                       

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Piggy''': What time is it anyway?                              
:'''Animal''': Breakfast time, yayayayayaya! ''[eats a blanket]''       
:'''Piggy''': ''[her tummy gurgles]'' Oh, my tummy, it is breakfast time!

=== Scooter's Uncommon Cold [3.09] ===
:'''Fozzie''':  That way, we can go inside Scooter and help him fight off his Germans.
:'''Skeeter''': That's &quot;germs&quot;, silly.
:'''Fozzie''': That's what I said.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Rowlf''': Whatcha lookin' for, Kermit?
:'''Kermit''': This, we can use it like a road map.
:'''Rowlf''': Yeah, but how will we get around once we're inside Scooter’s body?
:'''Animal''': Me know, me know, wawawawawawa.
:'''Kermit''': Quick, follow Animal.
:'''Fozzie''': Animal, where are you?
:'''Kermit''': He disappeared.
:'''Animal''': Submarine, wawawawawawa.
:'''Kermit''': That's perfect, Animal, this'll work great, come on, let's go.
:'''Piggy''': Hey, where do we get into Scooter's body when we're tiny?
:'''Gonzo''': There’s only one place that I know, his bellybutton.
:'''Kids''': Huh?
:'''Skeeter''': Are you sure, Gonzo?
:'''Gonzo''': Of course.
:'''Scooter''': ''[chuckling]'' Hey, that's cold. ''[sneezes again]''
:'''Kermit''': Okay, guys, let's do it. Okay, here we go.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Viruses are threatening the Babies. Meanwhile, Scooter drank some orange juice, which has just entered his body]''
:'''Viruses''': Vitamin C?! OH NO! Run, get out of here! ''[flee]''
:'''Virus Leader''': ''[doesn't flee]'' Quick! Put on your Anti-Vitamin C masks!
:''[Remaining viruses don gas-mask like gear and survive attack. The Babies are still prisoner]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Gonzo got separated from the Babies and is in the brain, the only of the Babies not held prisoner by the viruses]''
:'''Gonzo''': ''[talking to himself]'' This looks like a filing cabinet. ''[opens cabinet and sees pictures of Babies, to include Kermit, Rowlf, Piggy and Beeker]'' Memory photos! ''[finds picture of himself blowing a gum bubble]'' Oh no, this must be the time I stole his bubble gum! ''[destroys photo]'' Heh heh, he will not remember that now!
:'''Cowboy''': ''[offscreen]'' Hold it right there! Just what do you think you are doing?
:'''Gonzo''': ''[looks around in shock to see what look like several cowboys]'' Uh, uh, who are you?
:'''Cowboy''': Name is Sheriff White Cell, and it is my job to keep order and stop outlaws in Scooter's body.

=== Of Mice and Muppets [3.15] ===
:''[In a Pied Piper parody]''
:'''Piggy''':  Once upon a time, there was a little town called Hamster.
:'''Skeeter''': I have heard this one. The town is named Hamlin, not Hamster!
:'''Piggy''': This is my story and the town is Hamster! Anyway, it was ruled by a nice mayor who gave all the kids hamsters.
:'''Fozzie''': Hamsters, get your free hamsters!
:'''Kermit''': Piggy, they are rats. Besides, in the original story, the mayor is supposed to be the bad guy.
:'''Piggy''': Eek, rats! No,  my story has a kind mayor and hamsters! Anyway, there were so many hamsters they needed someone to cajole them out. Along came the Pied Piano Player!
:''Rowlf is hauling a grand piano''
:'''Rowlf''': UGGG! Sure wish I had learned how to play the flute!

== Season 4 (1987) ==

=== Where No Muppet Has Gone Before [4.04] ===
:'''Fozzie''': Gravity. Isn't that what we put on mashed potatoes?
:'''Bunsen''': That's gravy. Not gravity, Fozzie.
:'''Fozzie''': Oh, I knew that.

=== Journey to the Center of the Nursery [4.05] ===
:'''Fozzie'''&quot; This is one of the worst peanut butter and traffic jams I've ever seen. Get it? Peanut butter, traffic jam? 
:'''Kids''': We got it. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Gonzo''': We love working in salt mines, right guys? 
:'''Kids''': Gonzo!
:'''Fozzie:''' Yeah we don't even mind pepper. 
:'''Kids''': Fozzie!

=== This Little Piggy went to Hollywood [4.06] ===
:'''Fozzie''': Don't worry Piggy, I'm a professional. ''[drops his cue cards]'' Oops!
:'''Piggy''': You're a professional oops all right.

=== My Muppet Valentine [4.07] ===
:'''Scooter''': What happened, Fozzie? 
:'''Fozzie''': Rowlf went into the closet to think about my joke. He'll probably come out when he thinks it's funny. 
:'''Skeeter''': Boy, we'll never see him again. 
:'''Fozzie''': Yeah...Huh? 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Fozzie''': Hey, Rowlf, wanna hear a funny joke? 
:'''Rowlf''': No thanks, Fozzie. 
:'''Fozzie''': Okay here it goes: what food do you eat with your mouth open? Give up? ''See'' food. Get it? Wokka, wokka, wokka.

=== Adventures in Muppet-Sitting [4.15] ===
:'''Piggy''': I've always wanted to be a baby sitter!
:'''Fozzie''': Me too! Who gets to sit on him first?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[In a Red Riding Hood parody]''
:'''Gonzo''': Grandma bought some swampland in the Dagobah system.

==Cast==
* [[w:Greg Berg|Greg Berg]] – [[w:Fozzie Bear|Baby Fozzie]], [[w:Scooter (Muppet)|Baby Scooter]], Dr. Julius Strangepork (archive footage)
* [[w:Barbara Billingsley|Barbara Billingsley]] – Nanny
* [[W:Dave Coulier|Dave Coulier]] (1986–1991) – [[W:Animal (Muppet)|Baby Animal]], [[w:Dr. Bunsen Honeydew|Baby Bunsen]], [[W:Bean Bunny|Baby Bean Bunny]], [[W:Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem#Janice|Baby Janice]], Uncle [[w:Statler and Waldorf|Statler and Waldorf]], [[W:Camilla the Chicken|Camilla]] (occasionally)
* [[w:Katie Leigh|Katie Leigh]] – [[W:Rowlf the Dog|Baby Rowlf]], Mrs. Mitchell
* [[w:Howie Mandel|Howie Mandel]] (1984–1985) – Baby Skeeter, [[W:Animal (Muppet)|Baby Animal]], [[w:Dr. Bunsen Honeydew|Baby Bunsen]]
* [[w:Laurie O'Brien|Laurie O'Brien]] – [[w:Miss Piggy|Baby Piggy]]
* [[w:Russi Taylor|Russi Taylor]] – [[w:Gonzo the Great|Baby Gonzo]], [[w:Robin the Frog|Robin]], and [[w:Camilla the Chicken|Camilla]] (occasionally), Aunt Fanny
* [[Frank Welker]] – [[w:Kermit the Frog|Baby Kermit]], [[w:Beaker (Muppet)|Baby Beaker]], Baby Skeeter (1986–1991), [[w:Camilla the Chicken|Camilla]], The Chief Inspector of Scotland Yard

===Additional voices===
* [[w:Bob Bergen|Bob Bergen]] - [[w:Link Hogthrob|Link Hogthrob]] (archive footage)
* [[Peter Cullen]] – Smoggy the Bear (ep. 33), Football-Playing Bear (ep. 33)
* [[w:Pat Fraley|Pat Fraley]] - Announcer
* [[Jim Henson]] - [[w:Dr. Teeth|Dr. Teeth]] (archive footage, ep. 61)
* [[w:Hal Rayle|Hal Rayle]] - [[w:Miss Piggy|Miss Piggy]] (archive footage)
* Hank Saroyan - Himself
* Debra Toffan - Herself

== External links==
{{wikipedia}}

[[Category:1980s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated musical TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated education TV shows]]
[[Category:CBS animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Nick Jr. shows]]
[[Category:Nickelodeon shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:The Muppets]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Top Gun</title>
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    <id>11937</id>
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      <id>3942406</id>
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      <timestamp>2026-05-18T15:11:05Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>PeacefulArmy18</username>
        <id>3163717</id>
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      <comment>/* Dialogue */ Fixed typo</comment>
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      <text bytes="14146" sha1="tkff8bizqapixijodrmzctlxjrtx36h" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Top Gun|Top Gun]]''''' is a [[w:1986 in film|1986 film]] about the macho students of an elite US Navy flying school for advanced fighter pilots who compete to be best in the class.
:''Directed by [[w:Tony Scott|Tony Scott]] and written by Jim Cash and Jack Epps Jr., based on the article ''Top Guns'' written for ''California Magazine'' by Ehud Yonay.''
{{center|'''I feel the need. The need for speed.''' &lt;small&gt;[[#Taglines|Taglines]]&lt;/small&gt;}}

[[File:F-14 breaks the sound barrier.jpg|thumb|&quot;I feel the need...&quot; &lt;br&gt;&quot;...the need for speed!&quot;]]
[[File:MCAS Miramar Insignia.png|thumb|Remember, boys, no points for second place.]]
[[File:Flag of a United States Navy vice admiral.svg|thumb|Son, your ego is writing checks your body can't cash. You've been busted, you've lost your qualifications as section leader three times, put in hack twice by me, with a history of high speed passes over five air control towers—and one admiral's daughter! ]]
[[File:Defense.gov News Photo 051201-N-5088T-001.jpg|thumb|&quot;Is that why you fly the way you do? Trying to prove something? Yeah, your old man did it right. What I'm about to tell you is classified and it could end my career. We were in the worst dogfight I could've dreamed of. There were bogeys like fireflies all over the sky. His F-4 was hit; he was wounded, but he could've made it back. He stayed in it; saved three planes before he bought it.&quot; &lt;br&gt;&quot;So you were there?&quot; &lt;br&gt;&quot;I was there.&quot;]]

== Dialogue ==
:'''Stinger''': Maverick, you just did an incredibly brave thing. What you ''should'' have done was land your plane! You don't own that plane, the taxpayers do! Son, your ego is writing checks your body can't cash. You've been busted, you've lost your qualifications as section leader three times, put in hack twice by me, with a history of high speed passes over five air control towers—and one admiral's daughter! 
:'''Goose''': Penny Benjamin? ''[Maverick shrugs]''
:'''Stinger''': ''[to Goose]'' And you, asshole, you're lucky to be here! 
:'''Goose''': Thank you, sir.
:'''Stinger''': And let's not bullshit, Maverick. Your family name ain't the best in the Navy. You need to be doing it better and cleaner than the other guy. Now what is it with you?
:'''Maverick''': Just want to serve my country; be the best fighter pilot in the Navy, sir! 
:'''Stinger''': Don't screw around with me, Maverick. You're one hell of an instinctive pilot. Maybe too good. I'd like to bust your butt but I can't. I got another problem here. I gotta send somebody from this squadron to Miramar. I gotta do something here, I⁠—I still can't believe it. I gotta give you your dream shot! I'm gonna send you up against the best. You two characters...are going to Top Gun. For five weeks, you'll be flying against the best fighter pilots in the world. You were number two, Cougar was number one. Cougar lost it⁠—turned in his wings. ''You'' guys are number one. But you remember one thing:  ''[pinches fingers for emphasis]''  if you screw up just this much, you'll be flying a cargo plane full of rubber dog shit out of Hong Kong!
:'''Maverick''': Yes sir!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Commander Mike &quot;Viper&quot; Metcalf talks to the Top Gun cadets]''
:'''Goose''': ''[as Maverick is looking around the room]'' What are you doing?
:'''Maverick''': Just wondering who's the best.
:'''Viper''': In case some of you are wondering who the best is, they're up here on this plaque on the wall. The best driver and his RIO from each class has his name on it, and they have the option to come back here to be Top Gun instructors. ''[turns to Maverick]'' You think your name's gonna be on that plaque? 
:'''Maverick''': Yes, sir. 
:'''Viper''': That's pretty arrogant, considering the company you're in. 
:'''Maverick''': ''[pauses]'' Yes, sir. 
:'''Viper''': ''[smiles]'' I like that in a pilot. Just remember, when it's over out there, we're all on the same team.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Iceman''': Sorry to hear about Cougar. He and I were like brothers in flight school. He was a good man.
:'''Maverick''': Still is a good man.
:'''Iceman''': Yeah, that's what I meant. ''[pause]'' You need any help?
:'''Maverick''': With what?
:'''Iceman''': You figured it out yet?
:'''Maverick''': What's that?
:'''Iceman''': Who's the best pilot.
:'''Maverick''': You know, I think I can figure that one out on my own.
:'''Iceman''': I heard that about you. You like to work alone.
:'''Slider''': Mav, you must've sold under a lucky star, huh? I mean, first the MiG, and then you guys slide into Cougar's spot.
:'''Goose''': We didn't slide into Cougar's spot. It was ours, okay?
:'''Slider''': Yeah, well, some pilots wait their whole career just to see a MiG up close. Guess you guys are lucky and famous, huh?
:'''Iceman''': No, you mean notorious. See you later.
:'''Maverick''': You can count on it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[At the preflight briefing, Charlie talks about what is currently known about the MiG-28]''
:'''Charlie''': We will be dealing with F-5s and A-4s as our MiG simulators. Now then, as most of you know, the F-5 doesn’t have the thrust to weight ratio that the MiG-28 has and it doesn’t bleed energy below 300 knots like the MiG-28. However the MiG-28 does have a problem with its inverted flight tank, it won’t do a Negative G push-over. The latest intelligence tells us that the most it will do is 1 Negative- ''[notices Goose and Maverick are whispering to each other]'' ''[to Maverick]'' Excuse me, Lieutenant. Is there something wrong? 
:'''Maverick''': Yes ma’am, the data on the MiG is inaccurate.
:'''Charlie''': How’s that, Lieutenant? 
:'''Maverick''': Well I just happened to see a MiG-28—
:'''Goose''': We!
:'''Maverick''': Sorry, Goose. ''We'' happened to see a MiG-28 do a 4G Negative dive. 
:'''Charlie''': Where did you see this?
:'''Maverick''': That’s classified.
:'''Charlie''': ''[Incredulous]'' It’s ''what''?
:'''Maverick''': It’s classified. I could tell you but then I’d have to kill you.
:'''Charlie''': Lieutenant, I have Top Secret clearance. The Pentagon sees to it that I know more than you.
:'''Maverick''': Well ma’am, it doesn’t seem so in this case, now does it?
:'''Charlie''': So, Lieutenant, where exactly were you?
:'''Maverick''': Well, ''we''..
:'''Goose''': Thank you.
:'''Maverick''': Started up on his 6 when he pulled through the clouds then I moved in above him. 
:'''Charlie''': Well if you were directly above him, how could you see him?
:'''Maverick''': Because I was inverted.
:'''Iceman''': ''[Fake cough]'' Bullshit. 
:''[The class laughs]''
:'''Goose''': No, he was, man. It was really a great move. He was inverted.
:'''Charlie''': You were in a 4G inverted dive with a MiG-28? 
:'''Maverick''': Yes, ma’am.
:'''Charlie''': At what range?
:'''Maverick''': Um ''[turns to Goose]'' about 2 metres?
:'''Goose''': Well it’s actually about 1 1/2, I think. I’ve got a great Polaroid of it, he’s right there. Must be 1 1/2. 
:'''Charlie''': Uh, Lieutenant, what were you doing there?
:'''Goose''': Communicating.
:'''Maverick''': Communicating. Keeping up foreign relations. I was, you know, giving him the bird.
:'''Goose''': ''[Extending his middle finger]'' You know, the finger!
:'''Charlie''': Yes, I know the finger, Goose.
:'''Goose''': I’m sorry, I hate it when it does that. ''[Embarrassed]'' Excuse me. 
:'''Charlie''': ''[to Maverick]'' So you're the one.
:'''Maverick''': Yes, ma'am.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[after the first hop, Maverick and Goose celebrate their victory over Jester, but Iceman and Slider tell everybody that they made the kill below the hard deck, which was not allowed.]''
:'''Maverick''': Hard deck my ass. We nailed that son of a bitch. ''[gives Goose a high five]''
:'''Iceman''': Wow, you guys really are cowboys. 
:'''Maverick''': ''[Faces Iceman]'' What's your problem, Kazanski? 
:'''Iceman''': ''[Slams helmet locker's door and faces Maverick]'' You're everyone's problem. That's because every time you go up in the air, you're unsafe. I don't like you because you're dangerous.
:'''Maverick''': That's right! Ice…man. I ''am'' dangerous. ''[Iceman makes biting motion]''
:'''Jester''': Maverick. ''[Maverick and Goose look at him]'' You and Goose get your asses outta that flight gear and up to Viper's office now. ''[leaves locker room]''
:'''Slider''': Remember, boys, no points for second place.
:'''Goose''': You're a lot brighter than you look—
:'''Slider''': Oh, you shut up.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Maverick''': '''I feel the need...'''
:'''Maverick and Goose''': '''...the need for speed!''' ''[Maverick and Goose high five]''
:''Note: Bolded lines are ranked No. 94 in [[w:AFI's 100 Years...100 Movie Quotes|AFI's 100 Years...100 Movie Quotes]].''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[During Hop 19, a different voice breaks in]''
:'''Viper''': Good morning, gentlemen, the temperature is 110 degrees. 
:'''Wolfman''': Holy shit, it's Viper! 
:'''Goose''': Viper's up here, great… oh shit…
:'''Maverick''': Great, he's probably saying, &quot;Holy shit, it's Maverick and Goose.&quot; 
:'''Goose''': Yeah, I'm sure he's saying that.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Maverick''': ''[as Charlie screeches to a halt after chasing Maverick on his motorcycle]'' JESUS CHRIST, AND YOU THINK I'M RECKLESS? WHEN I FLY, I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT MY CREW AND MY PLANE COME FIRST! 
:'''Charlie''': Well, I am going to ''[bangs the car's door]'' FINISH MY SENTENCE, LIEUTENANT! My review of your flight performance was RIGHT ON! 
:'''Maverick''': Is that right? 
:'''Charlie''': That is right, but I held something back. I see some real genius in your flying, Maverick, but I can't say that in there. I was afraid that everyone in the TAC's trailer would see right through me, and I just don't want anyone to know that I've fallen for you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Maverick visits Viper at his house]''
:'''Viper''': I flew with your old man. [[w:VF-51|VF-51]], the ''[[w:USS Oriskany (CV-34)|Oriskany]]''. You're a lot like he was. Only better… and worse. He was a natural heroic son of a bitch, that one. 
:'''Maverick''': So he ''did'' do it right. 
:'''Viper''': Yeah, he did right. Is that why you fly the way you do? Trying to prove something? Yeah, your old man did it right. ''[Maverick and Viper take a walk.]'' What I'm about to tell you is classified and it could end my career. We were in the worst dogfight I could've dreamed of. There were bogeys like fireflies all over the sky. His F-4 was hit; he was wounded, but he could've made it back. He stayed in it; saved three planes before he bought it. 
:'''Maverick''': How come I never heard that before? 
:'''Viper''': Well that's not something the State Department tells its dependents when the battle occurred over the wrong line on some map. 
:'''Maverick''': So you were there? 
:'''Viper''': I was there. What's on your mind? 
:'''Maverick''': My options, sir. 
:'''Viper''': Simple. First, you've acquired enough points to show up and graduate with your Top Gun class, or you can quit. There'll be no disgrace. That spin was hell; it would've shook me up. 
:'''Maverick''': So you think I should quit? 
:'''Viper''': I didn't say that. The simple fact is you feel responsible for Goose and you have a confidence problem. Now I'm not gonna sit here and blow sunshine up your ass, Lieutenant. A good pilot is compelled to always evaluate what's happened, so he can apply what he's learned. Up there, we gotta push it. That's our job. It's your option, Lieutenant. All yours. 
:'''Maverick''': Sorry to bother you on a Sunday, sir, but thank you very much for your time. 
:'''Viper''': No problem. Good luck.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[At the carrier, in the midst of the MiG battle, Stinger asks the status of the reinforcement planes]''
:'''Stinger''': What about Willard and Simkins?
:'''Officer''': Both catapults are broken sir, we cannot launch any aircraft yet.
:'''Stinger''': How long?
:'''Officer''': It'll take ten minutes.
:'''Stinger''': Bullshit ten minutes! This thing will be over in ''two'' minutes, get on it!
&lt;hr width= &quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Merlin''': Mav, what're doin', you're slowin' down!
:'''Maverick''': Gonna let him get a little closer.
:'''Merlin''' ''(incredulous)'': You're gonna do ''what?!''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The Enterprise's ground crew cheer on Maverick and Merlin when Iceman meets them]''
:'''Iceman''': You! You are still dangerous. ''[smiles]'' You can be my wingman any time. 
:'''Maverick''': Bullshit! You can be mine. ''(They hug; they're friends now)''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Stinger''': They gave you your choice of duty, son. Anything, anywhere. Do you believe that shit? Where do you think you wanna go?
:'''Maverick''': I thought of being an instructor, sir.
:'''Stinger''': Top Gun?!
:'''Maverick''': Yes, sir.
:'''Stinger''': God help us.

== Taglines ==
* I feel the need, the need for speed.
* Up there with the best of the best.
* Great balls of fire!

== Cast ==
* [[Tom Cruise]] - LT Pete 'Maverick' Mitchell 
* [[w:Anthony Edwards (actor)|Anthony Edwards]] - LTJG Nick 'Goose' Bradshaw
* [[Val Kilmer]] - LT Tom 'Iceman' Kazanski
* [[w:Rick Rossovich|Rick Rossovich]] - LTJG Ron 'Slider' Kerner
* [[w:James Tolkan|James Tolkan]] - CDR Tom 'Stinger' Jardian
* [[w:Kelly McGillis|Kelly McGillis]] - Charlotte 'Charlie' Blackwood 
* [[w:Meg Ryan|Meg Ryan]] - Carol Bradshaw
* [[w:Tom Skerritt|Tom Skerritt]] - CDR Mike 'Viper' Metcalf 
* [[w:Michael Ironside|Michael Ironside]] - LCDR Rick 'Jester' Heatherly 
* [[w:John Stockwell|John Stockwell]] - Cougar 
* [[w:Barry Tubb|Barry Tubb]] - Wolfman 
* [[w:Tim Robbins|Tim Robbins]] - LTJG Sam 'Merlin' Wells 
* [[w:Whip Hubley|Whip Hubley]] - LT Rick 'Hollywood' Neven

== External links ==
{{wikipedia|Top Gun (film)}}
* {{imdb title|id=0092099|title=Top Gun}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|id=top_gun|title=Top Gun}}

[[Category:1986 films]]
[[Category:1980s American films]]
[[Category:Action films]]
[[Category:Adventure films]]
[[Category:Romantic drama films]]
[[Category:Airplane films]]
[[Category:United States National Film Registry films]]
[[Category:Films set in California]]
[[Category:Films about the United States Navy]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>The Little Mermaid II: Return to the Sea</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>12675</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3942444</id>
      <parentid>3941407</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-05-18T17:07:51Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>~2026-24235-41</username>
        <id>3312576</id>
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      <text bytes="16699" sha1="ovqkgbs2ag4bav0bq2o8e5cfdpj1hfv" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:The Little Mermaid II: Return to the Sea|The Little Mermaid II: Return to the Sea]]''''' is a 2000 British animated direct-to-video film produced and released by [[w:Walt Disney Studios Home Entertainment|Walt Disney Home Video]] realsed on December 25 2000, as a sequel to the 1989 film, and as if part of the CITV movie club properly, ''[[The Little Mermaid]]''. Directed by Jim Kammerud and [[w:Brian Smith (director)|Brian Smith]], the story takes place over a decade after the original film, and focuses on [[w:Ariel (The Little Mermaid)|Ariel]]'s and [[w:Prince Eric|Eric]]'s daughter [[w:Characters of Disney's The Little Mermaid#Melody|Melody]], a human princess who longs to swim in the ocean despite her parents' law that the sea is forbidden to her. This sequel stars the voices of Jodi Benson as Ariel and melody's body, [[w:holly thomas|Holly thomas]] as Melody and roise, and [[w:Pat Carroll|Pat Carroll]] as Morgana, the film's new villain.

== Melody ==
* ''[after finding out that Ariel is a mermaid]'' All this time, and... you never told me?
* ''[before handing Morgana the trident]'' Too late, Mom. ''['''Ariel''': Melody, no!]''
* ''[to Morgana]'' You tricked me.
* Grandfather, I think this belongs to you. ''[throws Triton the trident]'' ''['''Triton''': Never again will you or yours threaten my family! There will be no escape for you ever!]''
* How would you know?! You've never even been in it! ''[rushes out in tears, while sniffing and taking the wand back]''

== Ariel ==
* Don’t worry Daddy, Prince Eric is right, I couldn’t have known why I'm not keeping Melody from the sea, it's a part of her and a part of me.

== King Triton ==
* Release my daughter, surrender my granddaughter, and I shall spare you!
* ''['''Melody''': Grandfather, I think this belongs to you.]'' ''[Before using his trident to encase Morgana in a block of ice]'' Never again will you or yours threaten my family! There will be no escape for you ''EVER! [??]''

== Morgana ==
* One minute you're on top, the next you're sushi. ''[turns to Grimsby]'' Now is that fair, Gramps, I ask you?
* You'll never find me! But I'll find you and your precious granddaughter!
* Hungry? Afraid all I have is a cold plate.
* ''[to Melody]'' You're not the only one with a mother who doesn't understand you. BELIEVE me.
* Oh, wishes do come true. ''[to sky]'' SEE THAT, MA?! WHO'S YOUR FAVORITE NOW?!
* ''[last words]'' Mommy...

== Sebastian ==
* Come back here! You're just like... like your mother.
* ''(In another chase with Louis)'' ''['''Louis''': You're going in the bouillabaisse!]'' COME ON, NOW! NO, LOUIS! YOU DON'T WANNA DO THIS, MAN! I'M old, I'm not tender anymore!
* You know, when ''I'' was a teenager, you couldn't get me out of my shell for nothing. I had this ''HIGH SQUEAKY VOICE'' and these itty-bitty liddle pinchers! Then one day, BOOM! I sound like Caruso, and these ''WHOPPERS'' pop out!
* All right, Sebastian. You must remain calm. This is not your fault. All you have to do is go in there and calmly explain that Melody has run away. No reason to lose your head. Whatever you do, you absolutely, positively, must not panic. ''[Hears Ariel call Melody]'' AAAAH!!! MELODY'S GONE, MELODY'S GONE, MELODY'S GONE!!!!
* I'm too old for this!

== Prince Eric ==
* Where's Melody?! What have you done with her?!

== Tip ==
* ''[Repeated line]'' Another plan perfectly executed.
* A fork? We're risking our tails for a fork?
* Oh, sure, that's it. Take your time. Kick back. Relax. Let's all just '''''LINGER HERE AND DIE!'''''

== Undertow ==
* MAKE WAY, LITTLE MERSHRIMP! I'M COMING THROUGH!
* ''[After being shrunk]'' WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME?! LOOK AT ME! ''I'M AN ANCHOVY!!''
* ''[Confronting Tip and Dash; last words]'' Going somewhere, boys?

== Chef Louis ==
* '''DEATH TO THE CRAB!!!''' ''['''Carlotta''': Oh, Louis.]''

== Dialogue ==
:'''Triton''': We shall not rest until that mad woman is vanquished! FIND HER!!! '''FIND HER!!!''' ''[fires lightning into the sky as an order and Morgana is nowhere to be found. Flounder and Sebastian are with Triton at the castle about Morgana's disappearance with terrible news]''
:'''Triton''': ''[gravely to Eric and Ariel]'' I'm sorry. There is no sign of her, she's vanished. ''[Ariel is worried and Melody crawls to the sea]'' We'll keep trying, we'll-
:'''Ariel''': Sweetie, no. ''[pulls Melody out of the water]'' We need to keep Melody away from her until we find Morgana, it’s because Melody can't go to the sea...and neither can i.
:'''Flounder''': But, Ariel...
:'''Ariel''': I'm sorry, Flounder, but if Morgana is anything like Ursula, she'll never give up. ''[Melody taps on her magic wand]'' This is the only way; ''[takes the wand from her and puts melody on a alicorn's back]'' Melody can't know about Merpeople or Atlantica, or even you, Dad. ''[gives it back to Triton]''
:'''Triton''': ''[defeated]'' I suppose you're right. ''[turns to Sebastian]'' Sebastian you will watch over her.
:'''Sebastian''': Me? ''[fainting]'' Aww!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
(Melody's body feels shocked when it sees melody about to ask)
:'''Melody's body''': NOOOOO!!! (Covers its mouth) Oh. Wow.
:'''Melody''': (too late) Good morning Scuttle, good morning Sebastian, listen to me, my name is Melody. A very good girl who likes ice cream. (looks at her alicorn) ok, alicorn, you CAN stay. (Resumes were she left off) right, uh.. What's kickin'?.. Also  ariel though i was wearing something fashionsy and I didn't want my hair get messed up And my dress drity.
:'''Scuttle''': Uh, what's kickin'? Hmm...let me see. ''[knocks himself on the head a few times while laughing]'' melody... (Melody giggles) ariel... Eric... (Pauses) Don't rush me.
:'''Sebastian''': Ha! You know perfectly well what's kicking.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sebastian''': Melody, child, how many times do i have to tell you?
:'''Melody and Sebastian''': It is expressly forbidden for you to be swimming beyond the safety of the sea wall.
:'''Melody''': ''[continuing to imitate him]'' Any such swimmin' is a reckless disregard of da rules. Don't ya know?
:''[They are silent for a moment]''
:'''Sebastian''': ...Stop dat.
:'''Melody''': Oh, Sebastian, I can't help it. I just love the sea! ''[splashes on Sebastian as she swims off]''
:'''Sebastian''': Hey! ''[sputters]'' Come back here! ''[into the water]'' You're just like- ''[stops and remembers]'' like your mother.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Morgana messes around with a spell for Undertow while Cloak and Dagger watch]''
:'''Morgana''': Ooh-Ooh-Hoo-Hoo, Trust me. This time, I'm sure I've got it right.
:'''Undertow''': Yeah, that's what you said last time, and I was sore for a week.
:'''Morgana''': Oh stop your carping and stand still.
:'''Undertow''': ''[whimpering]'' Oh, this is gonna hurt.
:''[Morgana casts the spell and a green lightning bolt hits Undertow. He starts getting bigger]''
:'''Morgana''': Yes. Yes! '''YES!'''
:'''Undertow''': Uh-Oh. ''[the spell backfires, making Undertow small again, as a shrimp]'' Uh.
:'''Morgana''': ''[trustrated]'' Huh. ''[throws another bottle into the cauldron and Undertow is turned into an unidentifiable gray fish]''.
:'''Undertow''': Uh. ''[Morgana gets frustrated and and throws in more bottles, turning Undertow into something weird each time until he's back to being small]'' Ulp.
:''[Cloak and Dagger laugh and snicker at Undertow]''
:'''Morgana''': Oh. It's just no use. The power of the trident is just too strong for me to overcome.
:'''Undertow''': ''[under his breath]'' I bet Ursula could've done it.
:'''Morgana''': What, was that, you said?
:'''Undertow''': Nothing, I'm just saying.
:'''Morgana''': ''[throws a vial at him, but misses]'' STOP, CRITICIZING ME! That's all my mother ever did was criticize me. It was always &quot;Ursula this&quot; and, &quot;Ursula that&quot; and &quot;Morgana, why can't you be more like your sister '''''URSULA?!'''''&quot; ''[hurls a starfish like a dart at a picture of Ursula]''
:'''Undertow''': Well, it's not Ursula's fault I got miniturized. IT'S YOURS!
:'''Morgana''': It's not!
:'''Undertow''': Your fault we had to hide out here for TWELVE FROST-BITTEN YEARS!
:'''Morgana''': IT'S NOT!
:'''Undertow''': YOUR FAULT WE CAN NEVER SHOW OUR FACES IN POLITE SOCIETY AGAIN!
:'''Morgana''': You're really pushing it, Small-Fry.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Eric''': So we're having a bad hair day, huh?
:'''Ariel''': If we were, you wouldn't be helping, would you?
:'''Eric''': Well i'm just here to let you know, there are a lot of people downstairs.
:'''Ariel''': Oh we'll be right down. Give us two minutes.
:'''Eric''': Right, two minutes...Where have I heard that before?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ariel''': (wipes the dust off melody) Oh, sweetie. I'm so sorry... For everything. I should had tided up the ballroom. Sorry.
:'''Melody''': ''[sniffs while hugging ariel]'' but What's wrong with me?... On fahsion day!?
:'''Ariel''': (hugs melody) Oh, nothing's wrong with you.
:'''Melody''': mommy, I'm the princess of disaster! Also not to mention that Santa does not makes 26 Christmas gitfs everynight! (Why?!) All because of a laughing crowd! And, and... Without bees, there will be no honey or flowers all day! And.. That's not all, my ice cream themed fashion show is almost started!
:'''Ariel''': (to melody's big sister, rosie) roise? (then stops melody) Being a teenager is hard, and, uh, all kids your age feel...awkward, and...
:'''Melody''': IT'S NOT MY FAULT! The first time i was a pretty girl! Oh. Somehow my alicorn was here, and.. ''[looking at her magic wand]'' &quot;Melody&quot;? What is this? My name is on here that you cheered me up. ''[waves the wand and magic comes out]'' That magic. Where have I heard this song? It's Atlantica, with merpeople and everything. Mama, you always said it was just an old fish tale.
:'''Ariel''': Where did you get this?
:'''Melody''': I - I found it.
:'''Ariel''': ''[upset]'' You went over the wall, didn't you?
:'''Melody''': Actually, i went ''under'' it. I hate that stupid wall.
:'''Ariel''': Melody, you know you're not allowed in the sea!
:'''Melody''': But why, and why does that  wand my name on it?
:'''Ariel''': Melody, listen to me.
:'''Melody''': You're hiding something from me.
:'''Ariel''': ''[looks wide-eyed. She closes her eyes tightly and grits her teeth angrily]'' You deliberately disobeyed me! I never want you going out there again. Do you hear me? It's dangerous in the sea!
:'''Melody''': How would you know?! You've never even been in it! ''[rushes out in tears, while sniffing and taking the wand back]''
:'''Ariel''': M-Melody, I... ''[Eric comes in but steps aside as his daughter Melody runs off in tears; sighs]'' Oh, no.
:'''Eric''': Ariel, darling, we knew this day would come.
:'''Ariel''': Oh, Eric. You're right. It's time I trusted her with the truth.

:'''Ariel''': Melody, are you sleepy? Oh, well let's get to the sailboat for a nap.

:'''Melody''':thanks.  

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Melody''': (riding on her alicorn with ariel) Hi. I'm Melody.
:'''Dash''': This here's Tip, and I'm Dash.
:'''Tip''': Excuse me, Mr. I-Spill-My-Guts-To-Total-Strangers. You just blew our cover!
:'''Dash''': I was just trying to be friendly.
:'''Melody''': Guys, I really have to get going, so if you could...
:'''Dash''': Aww, see? Now she's gonna leave, and it's all your fault.
:'''Tip''': MY FAULT?! She's...She's probably allergic to blubber!
:'''Dash''': Oh yeah? Well...maybe she doesn't like '''''BIRDS THAT CAN'T FLY!'''''
:''[Tip gasps dramatically]''
:'''Melody''': Guys...
:'''Tip''': Well, you can't fly, either!
:'''Dash''': And...you walk funny.
:'''Melody''': Guys!
:'''Tip''': OH, ''YEAH?!'' Well...um...'''''YOU CAN'T FLY EITHER!'''''
:'''Melody''': ''''GUYS!''''' ''[the bickering duo finally stop]'' Do either of you know how to get to Atlantica? I don't have much time.
:'''Dash''': Why do you want to go to Atlantica?
:'''Melody''': I have to get something that was stolen from a friend. ''[shows them her tail]'' If not...I'll turn back into a...
:'''Dash''': A what? Turn back into a what?
:'''Melody''': A human.
:'''Tip''': ''[startled gasp]'' I knew there was something UN-fishy about you! ''[turns to leave]'' Tough break, sister. Drop us a line. Let us know how it all turns out.
:'''Dash''': ''[stops Tip with a fore-flipper and turns him around]'' We'll take you!
:'''Melody''': You will?
:'''Tip''': We will?!
:'''Dash''': She's a damsel in distress. It's our big chance.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ariel''': ''[sees the young fish, who looks like Flounder]'' Flounder! ''[hugs him]''
:'''Flounder's Son''': ''[struggles and swims away]'' DADDY!!!
:'''Flounder''': ''[offscreen]'' Now what? ''[appears as an adult, with his son who's behind him]''
:'''Ariel''': Sorry.
:'''Flounder''': Ariel?
:'''Ariel''': Flounder?
:'''Flounder''': Ariel!!
:'''Ariel''': ''[hugs her old friend]'' Oh, I've missed you! Boy, you're sure not a guppy anymore.
:'''Flounder''': You can say that again.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Flounder''': Children, what did I say about playing &quot;kick the clam&quot; on the reef?
:'''Flounder's Son''': Sorry, Dad.
:'''Flounder''': Uh, kids. ''[to Ariel]'' I'm sorry about Melody.
:'''Ariel''': Flounder, I really need your help.
:'''Flounder''': Wild sea horses couldn't stop me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tip''': C'mon, Miss Popularity. We have a previous engagement, remember? ''[drags Melody away]''
:'''Merboy''': Was that a...penguin?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Ariel tries to stop Melody from giving Morgana Triton's trident]'' 
:'''Ariel''': Melody, don't! 
:'''Melody''': Mommy!
:'''Ariel''': Don't listen to her, and–!
:''[Both Melody and Ariel are surprised to see each other as mermaids]'' 
:'''Ariel and Melody''': You're a mermaid? 
:'''Morgana''': Ariel, how nice of you to come, and you've brought Flopper with you.
:'''Flounder''': My name is Flounder.
:'''Undertow''': Grrr!
:'''Flounder''': &quot;Grrr&quot; yourself, pipsqueak!
:'''Undertow''': Get that thing and hit me. One bite, and he's shrimp toast.
:'''Melody''': ''[before handing Morgana the trident]'' Too late, Mom. 
:'''Ariel''': Melody, no stop!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tip''': We're guppies, man. Jellyfish.
:'''Dash''': The great Tip and Dash: cowards-slash-losers.
:'''Tip''': ''[has an idea]'' Okay, on the one hand, we can live a long, healthy life; albeit as disgusting, pathetic, cowardly...uh...
:'''Dash''': Worms?
:'''Tip''': That's good! Good. Cowardly worms. On the other hand, we could gather our courage, if we had any, and storm the fortress and be heroes!
:'''Dash''': Yeah. Until they hack us up into fishbait!
:'''Tip''': You're right.
:''[Strange green lights begin to flash from Morgana's iceberg lair]''
:'''Dash''': ''[gasps]'' Melody's in there. She might be in big trouble! She might really need our help!
:'''Tip''': So what's it gonna be? A lifetime as worms...or two minutes as heroes?

== Cast ==
* [[w:Holly thomas|Holly thomas]] — Меlody/rosie
* [[Jodi Benson]] — Ariel/melody's body
* [[Samuel E. Wright]] — Sebastian
* [[w:Tress MacNeille|Tress MacNeille]] — Cleo
* [[w:Pat Carroll|Pat Carroll]] — Morgana
* [[w:Buddy Hackett|Buddy Hackett]] — Scuttle
* [[w:Kenneth Mars|Kenneth Mars]] — King Triton
* [[w:Stephen Furst|Stephen Furst]] — Dash
* [[w:Max Casella|Max Casella]] — Tip
* [[w:Rob Paulsen|Rob Paulsen]] — Eric
* [[Clancy Brown]] — Undertow
* [[w:Cam Clarke|Cameron A. Clarke]] — Flounder
* [[w:René Auberjonois|René Auberjonois]] — Chef Louis
* [[w:Kay E. Kuter|Kay Kuter]] — Grimsby
* [[w:Edie McClurg|Edie McClurg]] — Carlotta
* [[Frank Welker]] — Max the Sheepdog

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title| id=0240684| title=The Little Mermaid II: Return to the Sea}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes| id=little_mermaid_ii_the_return_to_the_sea| title=The Little Mermaid II: Return to the Sea}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Little Mermaid II: Return to the Sea, The}}

{{Disney's The Little Mermaid}}
{{Authority control}}

[[Category:The Little Mermaid (franchise)]]
[[Category:2000 animated films|Little Mermaid II, The]]
[[Category:2000s American animated films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated musical films]]
[[Category:Films about mermaids]]
[[Category:American sequel films]]
[[Category:Animated films about revenge]]
[[Category:Animated films about princesses]]
[[Category:Films set in a fictional country]]
[[Category:Animated films about mother–daughter relationships]]
[[Category:The Walt Disney Company]]
[[Category:Animated films about fish]]
[[Category:Works about women]]
[[Category:Animated films about shapeshifting]]</text>
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    <revision>
      <id>3942446</id>
      <parentid>3942444</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-05-18T17:10:20Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>~2026-24235-41</username>
        <id>3312576</id>
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'''''[[w:The Little Mermaid II: Return to the Sea|The Little Mermaid II: Return to the Sea]]''''' is a 2000 British animated direct-to-video film produced and released by [[w:Walt Disney Studios Home Entertainment|Walt Disney Home Video]] realsed on December 25 2000, as a sequel to the 1989 film, and as if part of the CITV movie club properly, ''[[The Little Mermaid]]''. Directed by Jim Kammerud and [[w:Brian Smith (director)|Brian Smith]], the story takes place over a decade after the original film, and focuses on [[w:Ariel (The Little Mermaid)|Ariel]]'s and [[w:Prince Eric|Eric]]'s daughter [[w:Characters of Disney's The Little Mermaid#Melody|Melody]], a human princess who longs to swim in the ocean despite her parents' law that the sea is forbidden to her. This sequel stars the voices of Jodi Benson as Ariel and melody's body, [[w:holly thomas|Holly thomas]] as Melody and roise, and [[w:Pat Carroll|Pat Carroll]] as Morgana, the film's new villain.

== Melody ==
* ''[after finding out that Ariel is a mermaid]'' All this time, and... you never told me?
* ''[before handing Morgana the trident]'' Too late, Mom. ''['''Ariel''': Melody, no!]''
* ''[to Morgana]'' You tricked me.
* Grandfather, I think this belongs to you. ''[throws Triton the trident]'' ''['''Triton''': Never again will you or yours threaten my family! There will be no escape for you ever!]''
* How would you know?! You've never even been in it! ''[rushes out in tears, while sniffing and taking the wand back]''

== Ariel ==
* Don’t worry Daddy, Prince Eric is right, I couldn’t have known why I'm not keeping Melody from the sea, it's a part of her and a part of me.

== King Triton ==
* Release my daughter, surrender my granddaughter, and I shall spare you!
* ''['''Melody''': Grandfather, I think this belongs to you.]'' ''[Before using his trident to encase Morgana in a block of ice]'' Never again will you or yours threaten my family! There will be no escape for you ''EVER! [??]''

== Morgana ==
* One minute you're on top, the next you're sushi. ''[turns to Grimsby]'' Now is that fair, Gramps, I ask you?
* You'll never find me! But I'll find you and your precious granddaughter!
* Hungry? Afraid all I have is a cold plate.
* ''[to Melody]'' You're not the only one with a mother who doesn't understand you. BELIEVE me.
* Oh, wishes do come true. ''[to sky]'' SEE THAT, MA?! WHO'S YOUR FAVORITE NOW?!
* ''[last words]'' Mommy...

== Sebastian ==
* Come back here! You're just like... like your mother.
* ''(In another chase with Louis)'' ''['''Louis''': You're going in the bouillabaisse!]'' COME ON, NOW! NO, LOUIS! YOU DON'T WANNA DO THIS, MAN! I'M old, I'm not tender anymore!
* You know, when ''I'' was a teenager, you couldn't get me out of my shell for nothing. I had this ''HIGH SQUEAKY VOICE'' and these itty-bitty liddle pinchers! Then one day, BOOM! I sound like Caruso, and these ''WHOPPERS'' pop out!
* All right, Sebastian. You must remain calm. This is not your fault. All you have to do is go in there and calmly explain that Melody has run away. No reason to lose your head. Whatever you do, you absolutely, positively, must not panic. ''[Hears Ariel call Melody]'' AAAAH!!! MELODY'S GONE, MELODY'S GONE, MELODY'S GONE!!!!
* I'm too old for this!

== Prince Eric ==
* Where's Melody?! What have you done with her?!

== Tip ==
* ''[Repeated line]'' Another plan perfectly executed.
* A fork? We're risking our tails for a fork?
* Oh, sure, that's it. Take your time. Kick back. Relax. Let's all just '''''LINGER HERE AND DIE!'''''

== Undertow ==
* MAKE WAY, LITTLE MERSHRIMP! I'M COMING THROUGH!
* ''[After being shrunk]'' WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME?! LOOK AT ME! ''I'M AN ANCHOVY!!''
* ''[Confronting Tip and Dash; last words]'' Going somewhere, boys?

== Chef Louis ==
* '''DEATH TO THE CRAB!!!''' ''['''Carlotta''': Oh, Louis.]''

== Dialogue ==
:'''Triton''': We shall not rest until that mad woman is vanquished! FIND HER!!! '''FIND HER!!!''' ''[fires lightning into the sky as an order and Morgana is nowhere to be found. Flounder and Sebastian are with Triton at the castle about Morgana's disappearance with terrible news]''
:'''Triton''': ''[gravely to Eric and Ariel]'' I'm sorry. There is no sign of her, she's vanished. ''[Ariel is worried and Melody crawls to the sea]'' We'll keep trying, we'll-
:'''Ariel''': Sweetie, no. ''[pulls Melody out of the water]'' We need to keep Melody away from her until we find Morgana, it’s because Melody can't go to the sea...and neither can i.
:'''Flounder''': But, Ariel...
:'''Ariel''': I'm sorry, Flounder, but if Morgana is anything like Ursula, she'll never give up. ''[Melody taps on her magic wand]'' This is the only way; ''[takes the wand from her and puts melody on a alicorn's back]'' Melody can't know about Merpeople or Atlantica, or even you, Dad. ''[gives it back to Triton]''
:'''Triton''': ''[defeated]'' I suppose you're right. ''[turns to Sebastian]'' Sebastian you will watch over her.
:'''Sebastian''': Me? ''[fainting]'' Aww!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
(Melody's body feels shocked when it sees melody about to ask)
:'''Melody's body''': NOOOOO!!! (Covers its mouth) Oh. Wow.
:'''Melody''': (too late) Good morning Scuttle, good morning Sebastian, listen to me, my name is Melody. A very good girl who likes ice cream. (looks at her alicorn) ok, alicorn, you CAN stay. (Resumes were she left off) right, uh.. What's kickin'?.. Also  ariel though i was wearing something fashionsy and I didn't want my hair get messed up And my dress drity.
:'''Scuttle''': Uh, what's kickin'? Hmm...let me see. ''[knocks himself on the head a few times while laughing]'' melody... (Melody giggles) ariel... Eric... (Pauses) Don't rush me.
:'''Sebastian''': Ha! You know perfectly well what's kicking.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sebastian''': Melody, child, how many times do i have to tell you?
:'''Melody and Sebastian''': It is expressly forbidden for you to be swimming beyond the safety of the sea wall.
:'''Melody''': ''[continuing to imitate him]'' Any such swimmin' is a reckless disregard of da rules. Don't ya know?
:''[They are silent for a moment]''
:'''Sebastian''': ...Stop dat.
:'''Melody''': Oh, Sebastian, I can't help it. I just love the sea! ''[splashes on Sebastian as she swims off]''
:'''Sebastian''': Hey! ''[sputters]'' Come back here! ''[into the water]'' You're just like- ''[stops and remembers]'' like your mother.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Morgana messes around with a spell for Undertow while Cloak and Dagger watch]''
:'''Morgana''': Ooh-Ooh-Hoo-Hoo, Trust me. This time, I'm sure I've got it right.
:'''Undertow''': Yeah, that's what you said last time, and I was sore for a week.
:'''Morgana''': Oh stop your carping and stand still.
:'''Undertow''': ''[whimpering]'' Oh, this is gonna hurt.
:''[Morgana casts the spell and a green lightning bolt hits Undertow. He starts getting bigger]''
:'''Morgana''': Yes. Yes! '''YES!'''
:'''Undertow''': Uh-Oh. ''[the spell backfires, making Undertow small again, as a shrimp]'' Uh.
:'''Morgana''': ''[trustrated]'' Huh. ''[throws another bottle into the cauldron and Undertow is turned into an unidentifiable gray fish]''.
:'''Undertow''': Uh. ''[Morgana gets frustrated and and throws in more bottles, turning Undertow into something weird each time until he's back to being small]'' Ulp.
:''[Cloak and Dagger laugh and snicker at Undertow]''
:'''Morgana''': Oh. It's just no use. The power of the trident is just too strong for me to overcome.
:'''Undertow''': ''[under his breath]'' I bet Ursula could've done it.
:'''Morgana''': What, was that, you said?
:'''Undertow''': Nothing, I'm just saying.
:'''Morgana''': ''[throws a vial at him, but misses]'' STOP, CRITICIZING ME! That's all my mother ever did was criticize me. It was always &quot;Ursula this&quot; and, &quot;Ursula that&quot; and &quot;Morgana, why can't you be more like your sister '''''URSULA?!'''''&quot; ''[hurls a starfish like a dart at a picture of Ursula]''
:'''Undertow''': Well, it's not Ursula's fault I got miniturized. IT'S YOURS!
:'''Morgana''': It's not!
:'''Undertow''': Your fault we had to hide out here for TWELVE FROST-BITTEN YEARS!
:'''Morgana''': IT'S NOT!
:'''Undertow''': YOUR FAULT WE CAN NEVER SHOW OUR FACES IN POLITE SOCIETY AGAIN!
:'''Morgana''': You're really pushing it, Small-Fry.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Eric''': So we're having a bad hair day, huh?
:'''Ariel''': If we were, you wouldn't be helping, would you?
:'''Eric''': Well i'm just here to let you know, there are a lot of people downstairs.
:'''Ariel''': Oh we'll be right down. Give us two minutes.
:'''Eric''': Right, two minutes...Where have I heard that before?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ariel''': (wipes the dust off melody) Oh, sweetie. I'm so sorry... For everything. I should had tided up the ballroom. Sorry.
:'''Melody''': ''[sniffs while hugging ariel]'' but What's wrong with me?... On fahsion day!? How i'm gonna get honey from the bees or ice cream?
:'''Ariel''': (hugs melody) Oh, nothing's wrong with you and has questions about honey or ice cream.
:'''Melody''': mommy, I'm the princess of disaster! Also not to mention that Santa does not makes 26 Christmas gitfs everynight! (Why?!) All because of a laughing crowd! And, and... Without bees, there will be no honey or flowers all day! And.. That's not all, my ice cream themed fashion show is almost started!
:'''Ariel''': (to melody's big sister, rosie) roise? (then stops melody) Being a teenager is hard, and, uh, all kids your age feel...awkward, and...
:'''Melody''': IT'S NOT MY FAULT! The first time i was a pretty girl! Oh. Somehow my alicorn was here, and.. ''[looking at her magic wand]'' &quot;Melody&quot;? What is this? My name is on here that you cheered me up. ''[waves the wand and magic comes out]'' That magic. Where have I heard this song? It's Atlantica, with merpeople and everything. Mama, you always said it was just an old fish tale.
:'''Ariel''': Where did you get this?
:'''Melody''': I - I found it.
:'''Ariel''': ''[upset]'' You went over the wall, didn't you?
:'''Melody''': Actually, i went ''under'' it. I hate that stupid wall.
:'''Ariel''': Melody, you know you're not allowed in the sea!
:'''Melody''': But why, and why does that  wand my name on it?
:'''Ariel''': Melody, listen to me.
:'''Melody''': You're hiding something from me.
:'''Ariel''': ''[looks wide-eyed. She closes her eyes tightly and grits her teeth angrily]'' You deliberately disobeyed me! I never want you going out there again. Do you hear me? It's dangerous in the sea!
:'''Melody''': How would you know?! You've never even been in it! ''[rushes out in tears, while sniffing and taking the wand back]''
:'''Ariel''': M-Melody, I... ''[Eric comes in but steps aside as his daughter Melody runs off in tears; sighs]'' Oh, no.
:'''Eric''': Ariel, darling, we knew this day would come.
:'''Ariel''': Oh, Eric. You're right. It's time I trusted her with the truth.

:'''Ariel''': Melody, are you sleepy? Oh, well let's get to the sailboat for a nap.

:'''Melody''':thanks.  

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Melody''': (riding on her alicorn with ariel) Hi. I'm Melody.
:'''Dash''': This here's Tip, and I'm Dash.
:'''Tip''': Excuse me, Mr. I-Spill-My-Guts-To-Total-Strangers. You just blew our cover!
:'''Dash''': I was just trying to be friendly.
:'''Melody''': Guys, I really have to get going, so if you could...
:'''Dash''': Aww, see? Now she's gonna leave, and it's all your fault.
:'''Tip''': MY FAULT?! She's...She's probably allergic to blubber!
:'''Dash''': Oh yeah? Well...maybe she doesn't like '''''BIRDS THAT CAN'T FLY!'''''
:''[Tip gasps dramatically]''
:'''Melody''': Guys...
:'''Tip''': Well, you can't fly, either!
:'''Dash''': And...you walk funny.
:'''Melody''': Guys!
:'''Tip''': OH, ''YEAH?!'' Well...um...'''''YOU CAN'T FLY EITHER!'''''
:'''Melody''': ''''GUYS!''''' ''[the bickering duo finally stop]'' Do either of you know how to get to Atlantica? I don't have much time.
:'''Dash''': Why do you want to go to Atlantica?
:'''Melody''': I have to get something that was stolen from a friend. ''[shows them her tail]'' If not...I'll turn back into a...
:'''Dash''': A what? Turn back into a what?
:'''Melody''': A human.
:'''Tip''': ''[startled gasp]'' I knew there was something UN-fishy about you! ''[turns to leave]'' Tough break, sister. Drop us a line. Let us know how it all turns out.
:'''Dash''': ''[stops Tip with a fore-flipper and turns him around]'' We'll take you!
:'''Melody''': You will?
:'''Tip''': We will?!
:'''Dash''': She's a damsel in distress. It's our big chance.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ariel''': ''[sees the young fish, who looks like Flounder]'' Flounder! ''[hugs him]''
:'''Flounder's Son''': ''[struggles and swims away]'' DADDY!!!
:'''Flounder''': ''[offscreen]'' Now what? ''[appears as an adult, with his son who's behind him]''
:'''Ariel''': Sorry.
:'''Flounder''': Ariel?
:'''Ariel''': Flounder?
:'''Flounder''': Ariel!!
:'''Ariel''': ''[hugs her old friend]'' Oh, I've missed you! Boy, you're sure not a guppy anymore.
:'''Flounder''': You can say that again.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Flounder''': Children, what did I say about playing &quot;kick the clam&quot; on the reef?
:'''Flounder's Son''': Sorry, Dad.
:'''Flounder''': Uh, kids. ''[to Ariel]'' I'm sorry about Melody.
:'''Ariel''': Flounder, I really need your help.
:'''Flounder''': Wild sea horses couldn't stop me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tip''': C'mon, Miss Popularity. We have a previous engagement, remember? ''[drags Melody away]''
:'''Merboy''': Was that a...penguin?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Ariel tries to stop Melody from giving Morgana Triton's trident]'' 
:'''Ariel''': Melody, don't! 
:'''Melody''': Mommy!
:'''Ariel''': Don't listen to her, and–!
:''[Both Melody and Ariel are surprised to see each other as mermaids]'' 
:'''Ariel and Melody''': You're a mermaid? 
:'''Morgana''': Ariel, how nice of you to come, and you've brought Flopper with you.
:'''Flounder''': My name is Flounder.
:'''Undertow''': Grrr!
:'''Flounder''': &quot;Grrr&quot; yourself, pipsqueak!
:'''Undertow''': Get that thing and hit me. One bite, and he's shrimp toast.
:'''Melody''': ''[before handing Morgana the trident]'' Too late, Mom. 
:'''Ariel''': Melody, no stop!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tip''': We're guppies, man. Jellyfish.
:'''Dash''': The great Tip and Dash: cowards-slash-losers.
:'''Tip''': ''[has an idea]'' Okay, on the one hand, we can live a long, healthy life; albeit as disgusting, pathetic, cowardly...uh...
:'''Dash''': Worms?
:'''Tip''': That's good! Good. Cowardly worms. On the other hand, we could gather our courage, if we had any, and storm the fortress and be heroes!
:'''Dash''': Yeah. Until they hack us up into fishbait!
:'''Tip''': You're right.
:''[Strange green lights begin to flash from Morgana's iceberg lair]''
:'''Dash''': ''[gasps]'' Melody's in there. She might be in big trouble! She might really need our help!
:'''Tip''': So what's it gonna be? A lifetime as worms...or two minutes as heroes?

== Cast ==
* [[w:Holly thomas|Holly thomas]] — Меlody/rosie
* [[Jodi Benson]] — Ariel/melody's body
* [[Samuel E. Wright]] — Sebastian
* [[w:Tress MacNeille|Tress MacNeille]] — Cleo
* [[w:Pat Carroll|Pat Carroll]] — Morgana
* [[w:Buddy Hackett|Buddy Hackett]] — Scuttle
* [[w:Kenneth Mars|Kenneth Mars]] — King Triton
* [[w:Stephen Furst|Stephen Furst]] — Dash
* [[w:Max Casella|Max Casella]] — Tip
* [[w:Rob Paulsen|Rob Paulsen]] — Eric
* [[Clancy Brown]] — Undertow
* [[w:Cam Clarke|Cameron A. Clarke]] — Flounder
* [[w:René Auberjonois|René Auberjonois]] — Chef Louis
* [[w:Kay E. Kuter|Kay Kuter]] — Grimsby
* [[w:Edie McClurg|Edie McClurg]] — Carlotta
* [[Frank Welker]] — Max the Sheepdog

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title| id=0240684| title=The Little Mermaid II: Return to the Sea}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes| id=little_mermaid_ii_the_return_to_the_sea| title=The Little Mermaid II: Return to the Sea}}

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    <title>Ingrid Bergman</title>
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      <text bytes="4282" sha1="olmhh0ygc8ny8f9y0dm2nqh8crg6jx5" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Bogart Bergman Casablanca.jpg|thumb|With [[Humphrey Bogart]] in 1942's ''[[Casablanca (film)|Casablanca]]''.]]
[[File:Bergman first role.jpg|thumb|Her first film, ''Munkbrogreven'' (1934), at age 19]]
'''[[w:Ingrid Bergman|Ingrid Bergman]]''' (August 29, 1915 – August 29, 1982) was a Swedish actress. With a career spanning five decades, Bergman won [[w:List of awards and nominations received by Ingrid Bergman|numerous accolades]], including three [[w:Academy Awards|Academy Awards]], two [[w:Primetime Emmy Awards|Primetime Emmy Awards]], a [[w:Tony Award|Tony Award]], four [[w:Golden Globe Awards|Golden Globe Awards]], a [[w:BAFTA Award|BAFTA Award]], and a [[w:Volpi Cup|Volpi Cup]]. She is one of only four actresses to have received at least [[w:List of actors with two or more Academy Awards in acting categories|three acting Academy Awards]] (only [[Katharine Hepburn]] has four). In 1999, the [[w:American Film Institute|American Film Institute]] recognised Bergman as the fourth greatest female [[w:AFI's 100 Years...100 Stars|screen legend]] of [[w:Classical Hollywood cinema|Classic Hollywood Cinema]].

== Quotes ==
* What is happiness? It depends on two assets, which fortunately I have. They are good health and a short memory. 
** ''The Real and the Unreal'' (1961) by Bill Davidson, p.&amp;nbsp;174

* It's not whether you really cry. It's whether the audience thinks you are crying.
** ''Halliwell's Filmgoer's and Video Viewer's Companion''

* A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.
** &quot;Webster's Electronic Quotebase,&quot; ed. Keith Mohler, 1994
** &quot;An Uncommon Scold,&quot; by Abby Adams, 1989

* I've never sought success in order to get fame and money; it's the talent and the passion that count in success.
** &quot;The Last Word - A Treasury of Women's Quotes,&quot; by Carolyn Warner, 1992

* I have no regrets. I wouldn't have lived my life the way I did if I was going to worry about what people were going to say.
** &quot;An Uncommon Scold,&quot; by Abby Adams, 1989.

* I think my life has been wonderful. I have done what I felt like. I was given courage and I was given adventure and that has carried me along. And then also a sense of humor and a little bit of common sense. It has been a very rich life. 
** 2007: Movie Icons, ISBN 9783822822081 , page 174 , Verlag Taschen GmbH

== Quotes about Bergman ==
* For me, Ingrid is a wonderful mother and [[w:Roberto Rossellini|Roberto]], a wonderful father. You should see them with their children. There was nothing intellectual about it. They were like animals with their young, so tactile and sensual. The joy of touching the baby's skin! They were always rolling around on the floor with the twins and the little boy. Once, I remember watching Ingrid doing that, and I thought to myself, &quot;This is just like a mother dog with her puppies.&quot;
** {{w|Jean Renoir}}, &quot;Anatomy of a Scandal,&quot; ''The Real and the Unreal'' (1961) by Bill Davidson, p. 147

* Before anything else, she is an actress. I believe that any great artist is an artist first. For example, [[w:Auguste Renoir|my father]] was an artist before he was a husband and a father. Yes, I must say it. Ingrid is that way, too. But she also has many admirable qualities as a woman. She is so honest that she will always prefer a scandal to a lie. If she's at a party and people are talking about a writer who is unknown to her, she'll come out flatly and say, &quot;I haven't read him.&quot; But at the same time, she understands more than many people who pretend to be knowledgeable. While she admits her limitations, she has great instinct and understanding.
** Jean Renoir, &quot;Anatomy of a Scandal,&quot; ''The Real and the Unreal'' (1961) by Bill Davidson, p. 149

== External links== 
{{wikipedia}}
{{commons|Ingrid Bergman}}
* [http://www.ingridbergman.com Official web site]
* {{imdb name|id=6|name=Ingrid Bergman }}

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  <page>
    <title>Menander</title>
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      <text bytes="27751" sha1="7cm9cxfer28xj6dx8u6oadu3a03f5s4" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Menander Chiaramonti Inv1453.jpg|thumb|The [[truth]], sometimes not sought for, comes forth to the [[light]].]]
'''{{w|Menander}}''' (Greek: Μένανδρος, ''Ménandros''; ''c.'' 342/341 – ''c.'' 290 BC) was a Greek playwright and the best-known representative of Athenian [[w:Ancient Greek comedy#New Comedy_(nea)|New Comedy]]. He was the author of more than a hundred comedies, of which a single one, ''[[w:Dyskolos|Dyskolos]]'', survives virtually complete.

== Quotes ==
:&lt;small&gt;Greek text cited from R. Kassel, C. Austin, ''Poetae Comici Graeci, vol. VI Menander'' (Berlin-Boston, 1998–2022), whose numbering is also followed.&lt;br&gt;Translations cited from F. G. Allinson, [https://archive.org/details/menanderprincipa00menauoft/page/n9/mode/2up ''Menander. The Principal Fragments''] (Cambridge-London, 1921), unless otherwise noted.&lt;/small&gt;

=== ''{{w|Dyskolos}}'' (316 BC) ===

[[File:Menander fresco Pompeii Italy.jpg|thumb|right|Rest assured, for every piece of business the most businesslike thing is to choose the right moment.]]
[[File:The story of the greatest nations, from the dawn of history to the twentieth century - a comprehensive history, founded upon the leading authorities, including a complete chronology of the world, and (14578736699).jpg|thumb|right|In this part he most shows himself a [[man]], whoever tolerates making himself equal to another, rich to poor. For this man will bear a change of fortune with self-control.]]

* ζ[ῶ]ν οὗτος ἐπιεικῶς χρόνον &lt;br&gt; πολὺν λελάληκεν ἡδέως ἐν τῷ βίῳ &lt;br&gt; οὐδενί, προσηγόρευκε πρότερος δ᾿ οὐδένα &lt;br&gt; πλὴν ἐξ ἀνάγκης, γειτνιῶν παριών τ᾿, ἐμὲ &lt;br&gt; τὸν Πᾶνα· καὶ τοῦτ᾿ εὐθὺς αὐτῷ μεταμέλει, &lt;br&gt; εὖ οἶδ᾿.
** {{smallcaps|Pan}}: This man has lived here &lt;br&gt; a reasonably long time and has gladly talked in his life &lt;br&gt; to no one, has spoken first to no one &lt;br&gt; except — of necessity, since he is a neighbor and passes by — me, &lt;br&gt; [[w:Pan (mythology)|Pan]]. And he immediately regrets it, &lt;br&gt; I'm sure.
** Lines 8–13 (tr. V. J. Rosivach, 2014)

* εὖ τοῦτ᾿ ἴσθ᾿, ὅτι &lt;br&gt; πρὸς πάντα πράγματ᾿ ἐστὶ πρακτικώτερον &lt;br&gt; εὐκαιρία.
** {{smallcaps|Chaereas}}: Rest assured, &lt;br&gt; for every piece of business the most businesslike thing is &lt;br&gt; to choose the right moment.
** Lines 127–29 (tr. V. J. Rosivach, 2014)

* τῶν δ᾿ ἀναγκαίων λέγειν &lt;br&gt; πλείον᾿ οὐκ ἀνδρὸς νομίζω, πλὴν ἐκεῖνό γ᾿ ἴσθι, παῖ· &lt;br&gt; ὑπὲρ ἐμοῦ γὰρ βούλομ᾿ εἰπεῖν ὀλίγα σοι καὶ τοῦ τρόπου. &lt;br&gt; εἰ τοιοῦτοι πάντες ἦσαν, οὔτε τὰ δικαστήρια &lt;br&gt; ἦν ἄν, οὔθ᾿ αὑτοὺς ἀπῆγον εἰς τὰ δεσμωτήρια, &lt;br&gt; οὔτε πόλεμος ἦν, ἔχων δ᾿ ἂν μέτρι᾿ ἕκαστος ἠγάπα. &lt;br&gt; ἀλλ᾿ ἴσως ταῦτ᾿ ἔστ᾿ ἀρεστὰ μᾶλλον οὕτω· πράττετε. &lt;br&gt; ἐκποδῶν ὑμῖν ⟨ὁ⟩ χαλεπὸς δύσκολός τ᾿ ἔσται γέρων.
** {{smallcaps|Cnemon}}: To say more than what's necessary &lt;br&gt; I don't think is appropriate for a man. Except know this, child — &lt;br&gt; for I wish to tell you a little about me and my character — &lt;br&gt; if everyone were like me there wouldn't be law courts, &lt;br&gt; and they wouldn't take them away to prisons, &lt;br&gt; and there wouldn't be wars, but having goods in measure each man would be happy. &lt;br&gt; But perhaps those things are more pleasing. Act that way. &lt;br&gt; This difficult and grouchy old man will be out of your way.
** Lines 740–47 (tr. V. J. Rosivach, 2014)
** Alternate translation (W. G. Arnott, 1960):
*** I don't hold with people saying more than they need; but there is one thing more, my child, that I'd like you to know. I just want to say a few things to you about life, and the way people behave. You know, if we were all kind to one another, there'd be no need for law courts, there'd be no arresting people and putting them into prison, and there would be no more war. Everyone would have his little bit, and be content. But maybe you like modern ways better? Well, live that way, then! This difficult and bad-tempered old man will soon be out of the way.

* τρυφερὸς ὢν δίκελλαν ἔλαβες, ἔσκαψας, πονε[ῖν &lt;br&gt; ἠθέλησας. ἐν δὲ τούτῳ τῷ μέρει μάλιστ᾿ ἀνὴρ &lt;br&gt; δείκνυτ᾿, ἐξισοῦν ἑαυτὸν ὅστις ὑπομένει τινὶ &lt;br&gt; εὐπορῶν πένητι· καὶ γὰρ μεταβολὴν οὗτος τύχ[ης &lt;br&gt; ἐγκρατῶς οἴσει. δέδωκας πεῖραν ἱκανὴν τοῦ τρόπ[ου· &lt;br&gt; διαμένοις μόνον τοιοῦτος.
** {{smallcaps|Gorgias}}: Even if you were a softy, you took the mattock, you dug, &lt;br&gt; you were willing to work. In this part he most shows himself a man, &lt;br&gt; whoever tolerates making himself equal to another, &lt;br&gt; rich to poor. For this man will bear a change of fortune &lt;br&gt; with self-control. You have given a sufficient proof of your character. &lt;br&gt; I wish only that you remain as you are.
** Lines 766–71 (tr. V. J. Rosivach, 2014)

=== Fragments ===
[[File:Relief with Menander and New Comedy Masks - Princeton Art Museum.jpg|thumb|right|The man dies young on whom the gods their love bestow.]]

;Plays partially extant on papyrus

* ὃν οἱ θεοὶ φιλοῦσιν ἀποθνῄσκει νέος.
** The man dies young on whom the gods their love bestow.
** ''Dis Exapaton'', frg. 4 Κ.-Α.
*:&lt;small&gt;Compare [[Byron]], ''[[Don Juan (Byron)#Canto IV (1821)|Don Juan]]'', IV, xii, 89&lt;/small&gt;

* ἀπὸ μηχανῆς θεὸς ἐπεφάνης.
** You are by your epiphany a veritable &quot;god from the machine.&quot;
** ''Theophoroumene'', frg. 6 K.-A.
** See: ''{{w|Deus ex machina}}''

* τὸ καλῶς ἔχον που κρεῖττόν ἐστι καὶ νόμου.
** That which turns out well is better than any law.
** ''Karchedonios'', frg. 5 K.-A. (tr. [https://archive.org/details/beautifulthough02unkngoog/page/200/mode/2up C. T. Ramage, 1864])

* οὐθεὶς ἐπλούτησεν ταχέως δίκαιος ὤν.
** No just man has ever become suddenly rich.
** ''Kolax'', line 42 (tr. [https://books.google.com/books?id=Id4emt1vfvgC&amp;pg=PA323 C. T. Ramage, 1873])

* ταὐτόματον ἐστιν ὡς ἔοικέ που θεὸς&lt;br&gt;σῴζει τε πολλὰ τῶν ἀοράτων πραγμάτων.
** Chance is a kind of god, for it preserves many things which we do not observe.
** ''Samia'', lines 163–164

* αἰσθοῦ σαυτὸν ὄντα [ &lt;br&gt; ἄνθρωπον, ἄνθρωπον δὲ κα[ &lt;br&gt; ἵνα μὴ ᾿πιθυμῇς τῶν ὑπὲρ σ[ὲ πραγμάτων. &lt;br&gt; ὅταν δ᾿ ἀγρυπνεῖν εἴπῃς, τίς ὁ [βίος σου σκοπῶν &lt;br&gt; τὴν αἰτίαν γνώσῃ· περιπατεῖς [ &lt;br&gt; εἰσῆλθες εὐθύς, ἂν κοπιάσῃς τ[ὰ σκέλη. &lt;br&gt; μαλακῶς ἐλούσω, πάλιν ἀναστ[ὰς περιπατεῖς &lt;br&gt; πρὸς ἡδονήν. ὕπνος αὐτὸς ὁ βί[ος ἐστί σοι. &lt;br&gt; τὸ πέρας· κακὸν ἔχεις οὐδέν, ἡ ν[όσος δέ σου &lt;br&gt; ἔσθ᾿ ἣν διῆλθες (φορτικώτερο[ν δέ τι &lt;br&gt; ἐπέρχεταί μοι, τρόφιμε, συγγνώ[μην δ᾿ ἔχε)· &lt;br&gt; τὸ δὴ λεγόμενον, οὐχ ἔχεις ὅπο[ι χέσῃς &lt;br&gt; ὑπὸ τῶν ἀγαθῶν, εὖ ἴσθι.
** Remember, [Pheidias], &lt;br&gt; you're human, and [a poor man]'s human, too! &lt;br&gt; So don't you crave for what's beyond [your reach]! &lt;br&gt; When you complain of sleeplessness, what's really &lt;br&gt; your [problem]? I'll tell you the cause. You stroll &lt;br&gt; [all round the market], come straight home when [legs] &lt;br&gt; are weary, bathe in luxury. Then up you get &lt;br&gt; and [take a] pleasant [stroll. Your] life itself &lt;br&gt; [is] sleep! So, finally, there's nothing wrong with you. &lt;br&gt; This [sickness] you've described is—well, [a] rather coarse &lt;br&gt; expression comes to mind—forgive me, master— &lt;br&gt; the saying goes, you're so well off you don't &lt;br&gt; have anywhere [to shit], I'd have you know!
** ''Phasma'', lines 6–18 (tr. [https://www.loebclassics.com/view/menander_comic_poet-phasma/2000/pb_LCL460.377.xml W. G. Arnott, 2000])

;Plays known from quotations only

* χαλεπόν γε θυγάτηρ κτῆμα καὶ δυσδιάθετον.
** A daughter is an embarrassing and ticklish possession.
** Frg. 22 K.-A., ''Halieus'' (tr. [https://archive.org/details/beautifulthough02unkngoog/page/198/mode/2up C. T. Ramage, 1864])

* ζῶμεν γὰρ οὐχ ὡς θέλομεν, ἀλλ᾿ ὡς δυνάμεθα.
** We [[live]], not as we wish to, but as we can.
** Frg. 47 K.-A., ''Andria''
*:&lt;small&gt;Compare [[Terence]], ''Andria'', 805:&lt;br&gt;'''ut quimus' aiunt, quando 'ut volumus' non licet.''&lt;br&gt;As the saying is, we do as we can since we can't as we would. (tr. [https://archive.org/details/TerenceWithAnEnglishTranslationByJohnSargeaunt/page/86/mode/2up J. Sargeaunt, 1918])&lt;/small&gt;

* τὰ προσπεσόντα προσδοκᾶν ἅπαντα δεῖ&lt;br&gt;ἄνθρωπον ὄντα· παραμένει γὰρ οὐδὲ ἕν.
** Man must be prepared for every event of life, for there is nothing that is durable.
** Frg. 50 K.-A., ''Androgynos'' (tr. [https://archive.org/details/beautifulthough02unkngoog/page/198/mode/2up C. T. Ramage, 1864])

* πάντ᾿ ἐστὶ τῷ καλῷ λόγῳ&lt;br&gt;ἱερόν· ὁ νοῦς γάρ ἐστιν ὁ λαλήσων θεός.
** All places are the temple of God, for it is the mind that prays to him.
** Frg. 70 K.-A., ''Arrhephoros'' (tr. [https://archive.org/details/beautifulthough02unkngoog/page/198/mode/2up C. T. Ramage, 1864])

* ἀνδρὸς χαρακτὴρ ἐκ λόγου γνωρίζεται.
** The character of man is known from his conversation.
** Frg. 72 K.-A., ''Arrhephoros'' (tr. [https://books.google.com/books?id=Id4emt1vfvgC&amp;pg=PA319 C. T. Ramage, 1873])

* πλούτος δὲ πολλῶν ἐπικαλυμμ᾽ ἐστὶν κακῶν.
** [[Wealth|Riches]] cover a multitude of woes.
** Frg. 92 K.-A., ''Boiotis'' (tr. [https://archive.org/details/stevensonsbookof0000burt/page/1720/mode/2up B. Stevenson, 1934])

* κατὰ πολλὰ γ᾿ ἐστὶν οὐ καλῶς εἰρημένον&lt;br&gt;τὸ γνῶθι σαυτόν· χρησιμώτερον γὰρ ἦν&lt;br&gt;τὸ γνῶθι τοὺς ἄλλους.
** In many ways the saying &quot;Know thyself&quot; is not well said. It were more practical to say: &quot;Know other folks.&quot;
** Frg. 181 K.-A., ''Thrasyleon''

* εὔπιστον ἀτυχῶν ἐστιν ἄνθρωπος φύσει·&lt;br&gt;τὸν πλήσιον γὰρ οἴεται μᾶλλον φρονεῖν&lt;br&gt;ὁ τοῖς λογισμοῖς τοῖς ἰδίοις πταίων ἀεί.
** The unfortunate are credulous by nature;&lt;br&gt;for he will rather think his neighbour wise&lt;br&gt;who, when he schemes himself, is always tripping.
** Frg. 286 K.-A., ''Parakatatheke'' (tr. [https://archive.org/details/dictionaryofquot00harbiala/page/378/mode/2up T. B. Harbottle, 1897])

* ἆρ᾿ ἐστὶν ἀρετῆς καὶ βίου διδάσκαλος&lt;br&gt;ἐλευθέρου τοῖς πᾶσιν ἀνθρώποις ἀγρός.
** Men are taught virtue and a love of independence by living in the country.
** Frg. 301 K.-A., ''Plokion'' (tr. [https://archive.org/details/beautifulthough02unkngoog/page/202/mode/2up C. T. Ramage, 1864])

* οὐ πανταχοῦ τὸ φρόνιμον ἁρμόττει παρόν·&lt;br&gt; καὶ συμμανῆναι δ᾿ ἔνια δεῖ.
** At times [[discretion]] should be thrown aside,&lt;br&gt;And with the foolish we should play the [[fool]].
** Frg. 317 K.-A., ''Poloumenoi'' (tr. [https://archive.org/details/dictionaryquota04harbgoog/page/454/mode/2up T. B. Harbottle, 1897])

* ἔρχεται τἀληθὲς εἰς φῶς ἐνίοτ᾿ οὐ ζητούμενον.
** The [[truth]], sometimes not sought for, comes forth to the [[light]].
** Frg. 328 K.-A., ''Rapizomene''
*** Alternate translation ([https://archive.org/details/beautifulthough02unkngoog/page/204/mode/2up C. T. Ramage, 1864]):
*** Truth, when not sought after, sometimes comes to light.

* τρόπος ἔσθ᾿ ὁ πείθων τοῦ λέγοντος, οὐ λόγος.
** It's the character of the speaker that does the persuading, not eloquence.
** Frg. 362.7 K.-A., ''Hymnis''

;Fragments of uncertain placement

* τὰ σῦκα σῦκα, τὴν σκάφην σκάφην.
** I call a fig a fig, a spade a spade.
** Frg. 507 K.-A.; original phrasing not preserved.

* οὐκ ἔστ᾿ ἄπιστον οὐδὲν ἐν θνητῷ βίῳ&lt;br&gt;οὐδ᾿ ἂν γένοιτο· πολλὰ ποικίλλει χρόνος&lt;br&gt;παράδοξα καὶ θαυμαστὰ καὶ ζώντων τρόποι.
** In life of mortals there is not, nay, nor could there come to pass, a single thing beyond our credence. Time and men's ways embroider many an unexpected marvel on life's web.
** Frg. 685 K.-A.

* ἀεὶ δ᾿ ὁ σωθείς ἐστιν ἀχάριστον φύσει.
** Thankless by nature always is the man who has been saved.
** Frg. 701 K.-A.

* οὐκ ἔστ᾿ ἀνοίας οὐδέν, ὡς ἐμοὶ δοκεῖ,&lt;br&gt;τολμηρότερον.
** There is nothing more daring than ignorance.
** Frg. 714 K.-A. (tr. [https://archive.org/details/beautifulthough02unkngoog/page/196/mode/2up C. T. Ramage, 1864])

* ἀληθὲς εἶναι δεῖ τὸ σεμνόν, οὐ κενόν.
** True grandeur may we praise, not empty show.
** Frg. 726 K.-A. (tr. [https://archive.org/details/dictionaryofquot00harbiala/page/316/mode/2up T. B. Harbottle, 1897])

* οὐθὲν σιωπῆς ἐστι χρησιμώτερον.
** Nothing is more useful to man than silence.
** Frg. 752 K.-A. (tr. [https://archive.org/details/beautifulthough02unkngoog/page/208/mode/2up C. T. Ramage, 1864])

* μειράκιον, οὔ μοι κατανοεῖν δοκεῖς, ὅτι &lt;br&gt; ὑπὸ τῆς ἰδίας ἕκαστα κακίας σήπεται, &lt;br&gt; καὶ πᾶν τὸ λυμαινόμενόν ἐστιν ἔνδοθεν. &lt;br&gt; οἷον ὁ μὲν ἰὸς τὸν σίδηρον, ἂν σκοπῇς, &lt;br&gt; τὸ δ᾿ ἱμάτιον οἱ σῆτες, ὁ δὲ θρὶψ τὸ ξύλον. &lt;br&gt; ὃ δὲ τὸ κάκιστον τῶν κακῶν πάντων, φθόνος &lt;br&gt; φθισικὸν πεποίηκε καὶ ποήσει καὶ ποεῖ.
** My son, you do not see&lt;br&gt;How everything that dies, dies by its own&lt;br&gt;Corruption: all that injures is within.&lt;br&gt;Rust is the poison of iron, moths of wool,&lt;br&gt;And worms of wood; in you there is a poison&lt;br&gt;Most deadly, which has made you sick to death&lt;br&gt;And makes and shall make—envy.
** Frg. 761 K.-A. (tr. [https://archive.org/details/in.ernet.dli.2015.113492/page/n625/mode/2up G. Murray, 1938])
*:&lt;small&gt;Compare [[Plato]], ''Republic'', 609a–e; [[Gospel of Matthew|Matthew]] 15:11.&lt;/small&gt;

* ὅστις δὲ διαβολαῖσι πείθεται ταχύ,&lt;br&gt;ἤτοι πονηρὸς αὐτός ἐστι τοὺς τρόπους,&lt;br&gt;ἢ παντάπασι παιδαρίου γνώμην ἔχει.
** He that lends an easy and credulous ear to calumny is either a man of very ill morals, or has no more sense and understanding than a child.
** Frg. 764 K.-A. (tr. [https://archive.org/details/bim_eighteenth-century_the-gentlemans-library-_gentleman_1715/page/308/mode/2up Anonymous, 1715])

* οὐκ ἔστι τόλμης ἐφόδιον μεῖζον βίου.
** There is no better provision for life than impudence and a brazen face.
** Frg. 773 K.-A. (tr. [https://archive.org/details/beautifulthough02unkngoog/page/210/mode/2up C. T. Ramage, 1864])

* οὐχ αἱ τρίχες ποιοῦσιν αἱ λευκαὶ φρονεῖν.
** 'Tis not white hair that engenders wisdom.
** Frg. 776 K.-A.

* εἰρήνη γεωργὸν κἀν πέτραις&lt;br&gt;τρέφει καλῶς, πόλεμος δὲ κἀν πεδίῳ κακῶς.
** Peace gives food to the husbandman, even in the midst of rocks; war brings misery to him, even in the most fertile plains.
** Frg. 779 K.-A. (tr. [https://archive.org/details/beautifulthough02unkngoog/page/210/mode/2up C. T. Ramage, 1864])

* τὸ γαμεῖν, ἐάν τις τὴν ἀλήθειαν σκοπῇ,&lt;br&gt;κακὸν μέν ἐστιν, ἀλλ᾿ ἀναγκαῖον κακόν.
** [[Marriage]], if one will face the truth, is an evil, but a necessary evil.
** Frg. 801 K.-A.

* ἅπαντα τὰ ζῷ᾿ ἐστὶ μακαριώτερα&lt;br&gt;καὶ νοῦν ἔχοντα μᾶλλον ἀνθρώπων πολύ.&lt;br&gt;τὸν ὄνον ὁρᾶν ἔξεστι πρῶτα τουτονί·&lt;br&gt;{οὗτος κακοδαίμων ἐστὶν ὁμολογουμένως.}&lt;br&gt;τούτῳ κακὸν δι᾿ αὑτὸν οὐδὲν γίνεται,&lt;br&gt;ἃ δ᾿ ἡ φύσις δέδωκεν, ⟨αὐτὰ⟩ ταῦτ᾿ ἔχει. ἡμεῖς δὲ χωρὶς τῶν ἀναγκαίων κακῶν&lt;br&gt;αὐτοὶ παρ᾿ αὐτῶν ἕτερα προσπορίζομεν.
** All animals are more happy, and have more understanding, than man. Look, for instance, on yonder ass; all allow him to be miserable: his evils, however, are not brought on him by himself and his own fault; he feels only those which Nature has inflicted. We, on the contrary, besides our necessary ills, draw upon ourselves a multitude of others.
** Frg. 844.1–8 K.-A. (tr. [https://books.google.com/books?id=IDBkAAAAcAAJ&amp;pg=PA17 F. W. Blagdon, 1819])

* τοῦτ᾿ ἔστι τὸ ζῆν, οὐχ ἑαυτῷ ζῆν μόνῳ.
** This is living, not to live unto oneself alone.
** Frg. 869 K.-A.
*** Paraphrased by [https://archive.org/details/sympathyreligio00higggoog/page/n8/mode/2up T. W. Higginson, 1870]:
*** To live is not to live for one’s self alone; let us help one another.

{{Misattributed begin}}

=== ''Monosticha'' ===
:&lt;small&gt;Though this collection was transmitted under Menander's name, the vast majority of its items demonstrably belong to other authors.&lt;br&gt;Greek text cited from S. Jäkel, [https://archive.org/details/sententiaecompar0000mena/page/n5/mode/2up ''Menandri Sententiae''] (Leipzig, 1964), whose numbering is also followed.&lt;/small&gt;

* Ἀνὴρ ὁ φεύγων καὶ πάλιν μαχήσεται.
** The man who runs away may fight again.
** 56 (tr. [https://archive.org/details/stevensonsbookof0000burt/page/456/mode/2up B. Stevenson, 1934])

* Βροτοῖς ἅπασιν ἡ συνείδησις θεός.
** [[Conscience]] is a God to all mortals.
** 107

* Ὑγίεια καὶ νοῦς ἀγαθὰ τῷ βίῳ πέλει.
** Health and intellect are the two blessings of life.
** 779 (tr. [https://archive.org/details/cassellsbookofqu0000benh/page/480/mode/2up W. G. Benham, 1907])

* οὐ γὰρ ἔρχεται μόνον.
** [Old age] never comes alone.
** 802
{{Misattributed end}}

{{Misattributed begin}}
== Misattributed ==

* οὔτ᾿ ἐκ χερὸς μεθέντα καρτερὸν λίθον&lt;br&gt;οἷόν τ᾿ ἐπισχεῖν οὔτ᾿ ἀπὸ γλώσσης λόγον.
** It is as easy to draw back a stone thrown with force from the hand, as to recall a word once spoken.
** [[Euripides]], fragment 1044 TrGF (tr. [https://archive.org/details/beautifulthough02unkngoog/page/208/mode/2up C. T. Ramage, 1864]); misattributed to Menander due to a confusion in Stobaeus, ''Anthology'' III.36.14.

* ὅταν δ᾿ ἄλυπος διὰ τέλους εἶναι θέλῃς,&lt;br&gt;ἢ δεῖ θεόν σ᾿ εἶναι τιν᾿ ἢ τάχα δὴ νεκρόν.&lt;br&gt;παρηγόρει δὲ τὰ κακὰ δι᾿ ἑτέρων κακῶν.
** If you want to live your whole life free from pain you must become either a god or else a corpse. Consider other men's troubles and that will comfort you.
** ''Comparison of Menander and Philistion'', II.203–204 (tr. P. Vellacott, 1967); despite its title, the ''Comparison'' contains virtually no material from either poet ([https://archive.org/details/menandriquaesupe0000edme/page/n11/mode/2up A. Körte, 1959:IX–X])

* Whenever you do what is holy, be of good cheer, knowing that God Himself takes part with rightful courage.
** Appears in the May 1879 issue of ''The Cornhill Magazine'' ([https://archive.org/details/sim_cornhill-magazine_1879-05_39_233/page/564/mode/2up vol. 39, p. 565]), attributed to Menander. Does not occur in his works; likely a liberal development of ''Monosticha'' 188 (tr. [https://archive.org/details/dictionaryofquot00harbiala/page/352/mode/2up T. B. Harbottle, 1897]):
*** δίκαια δράσας συμμάχους ἕξεις θεούς.
*** He who does right has Heaven for his ally.

{{Misattributed end}}

== Quotes about Menander ==

* ὦ Μένανδρε καὶ βίε,&lt;br /&gt;πότερος ἄρ᾿ ὑμῶν πότερον ἐμιμήσατο;
** Menander and life,&lt;br /&gt;which of you imitated which?
** {{w|Aristophanes of Byzantium}}, T 7 Slater (tr. [https://archive.org/details/makingofmenander0000gold/page/109/mode/2up S. M. Goldberg, 1980])

* ὁ δὲ Μένανδρος μετὰ χαρίτων μάλισθ᾿ ἑαυτὸν αὐτάρκη παρέσχηκεν, ἐν θεάτροις ἐν διατριβαῖς ἐν συμποσίοις, ἀνάγνωσμα καὶ μάθημα καὶ ἀγώνισμα κοινότατον ὧν ἡ Ἑλλὰς ἐνήνοχε καλῶν παρέχων τὴν ποίησιν, δεικνὺς ὅ τι δὴ καὶ ὁποῖον ἦν ἄρα δεξιότης λόγου, ἐπιὼν ἁπανταχόσε μετὰ πειθοῦς ἀφύκτου καὶ χειρούμενος ἅπασαν ἀκοὴν καὶ διάνοιαν Ἑλληνικῆς φωνῆς. τίνος γὰρ ἄξιον ἀληθῶς εἰς θέατρον ἐλθεῖν ἄνδρα πεπαιδευμένον ἢ Μενάνδρου ἕνεκα;
** Menander's charm makes him utterly satisfying, for in these works that present with universal appeal the splendours of Greece, society finds its culture, the schools their study, the theatre its triumph. The nature and possibilities of literary elegance were by him revealed for the first time. He has invaded every quarter of the world with his invincible glamour, bringing all hearts under the sway of the Greek language. What sound reason does the cultivated man ever find for entering a theatre, except Menander?
** [[Plutarch]], ''Comparison of Aristophanes and Menander'', 854a–b (tr. [https://archive.org/details/in.ernet.dli.2015.185938/page/n91/mode/2up S. R. Littlewood, 1939])

* τῶν Μενάνδρου δραμάτων ὁμαλῶς ἁπάντων ἓν συνεκτικόν ἐστιν, ὁ ἔρως, οἷον πνεῦμα κοινὸν διαπεφοιτηκώς.
** One thing regularly gives cohesion to all Menander's plays—Love, which pervades them like a universal spirit.
** Plutarch, ''On Love'', frg. 134 Sandbach (tr. [https://www.loebclassics.com/view/plutarch-moralia_fragments_other_named_works_lives/1969/pb_LCL429.249.xml F. H. Sandbach, 1969])

* ''Menander, qui vel unus meo quidem iudicio diligenter lectus ad cuncta quae praecipimus effigenda sufficiat: ita omnem vitae imaginem expressit, tanta in eo inveniendi copia et eloquendi facultas, ita est omnibus rebus personis adfectibus accommodatus.'' [. . .] ''Atque ille quidem omnibus eiusdem operis auctoribus abstulit nomen, et fulgore quodam suae claritatis tenebras obduxit.''
** A careful reading of Menander alone would, in my judgement, be sufficient to develop all the qualities I am recommending: so complete is his representation of life, so rich his invention and so fluent his style, so perfectly does he adapt himself to every circumstance, character and emotion. [. . .] Indeed, he has robbed all the other authors in this genre of their name, and condemned them to obscurity by the brilliance of his fame.
** [[Quintilian]], ''{{w|Institutio Oratoria}}'', X.1.69–72 (tr. [https://www.loebclassics.com/view/quintilian-orators_education/2002/pb_LCL127.287.xml D. A. Russell, 2002])

== Sources ==

* Fragment # K.-A. = R. Kassel, C. Austin, Poetae Comici Graeci, vol. VI Menander (Berlin-Boston, 1998–2022)

* Francis G. Allinson, [https://archive.org/details/menanderprincipa00menauoft/page/n9/mode/2up ''‪Menander: The Principal Fragments‬‎''] (London: W. Heinemann, 1921)

* [[Gilbert Murray]], [https://www.google.com.au/books/edition/Aristophanes/dexxAAAAIAAJ?hl=en&amp;gbpv=0 ''Aristophanes: A Study''] (Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1933), p. 224

;''Dyskolos''

* W. G. Arnott, [https://archive.org/details/dyskolosormanwho0000wgar/page/n1/mode/2up ''Menander's Dyskolos or The Man who Didn't Like People''] (University of London, Athlone Press, 1960)

* Vincent J. Rosivach, [https://web.archive.org/web/20171110061536/http://faculty.fairfield.edu/rosivach/cl103a/dyskolos.htm &quot;Menander's Dyskolos (Grouch)&quot;], faculty.fairfield.edu (28 April 2014) [https://topostext.org/work/779]

;Compendiums

* Craufurd Tait Ramage, [https://archive.org/details/beautifulthough02unkngoog/page/198/mode/2up ''Beautiful Thoughts from Greek Authors''] (Liverpool: Edward Howell, 1864) pp. 195-214

* Thomas Benfield Harbottle, [https://archive.org/details/b24865898/page/n7/mode/2up ''Dictionary of Quotations: Classical''] (London: Swan Sonnenschein &amp; Co., 1897) &lt;!-- pp. 310, 311, 312, 316, 317, 318, 321, 322, 323, 324, 325, 326, 327, 328, 329, 330, 331, 332, 334, 335, 337, 339, 340, 342, 343, 346, 347, 348, 349, 351, 352, 355, 356, 360, 361, 363, 364, 366, 367, 368, 369, 370, 372, 375, 377, 378, 379, 380, 381, 382, 383, 384, 385, 387, 389, 390, 393, 394, 395, 396, 401, 402, 403, 407, 409, 410, 412, 413, 414, 416, 418, 421, 422, 423, 424, 425, 427, 428, 429, 431, 432, 440, 441, 442, 443, 444, 446, 448, 449, 452, 455, 459, 460, 461, 463, 464, 466, 467, 469, 470, 471, 473, 474, 476, 481, 482, 485, 486, 488, 489, 490, 492, 496, 498, 499, 503, 505, 507, 510, 518, 519, 520, 521, 522, 524, 526, 529, 530, 531, 533, 534, 536, 537, 540, 541 --&gt;

* W. Gurney Benham, [https://archive.org/details/cassellsbookofqu0000benh/page/n5/mode/2up ''Cassell's Book of Quotations: Proverbs and Household Words''] (London: Cassell &amp; Co., 1907)

* Charles Noel Douglas, [https://www.bartleby.com/lit-hub/forty-thousand-quotations-prose-and-poetical/authors/menander ''Forty Thousand Quotations: Prose and Poetical''] (New York: Halcyon House, 1917)

* Burton Stevenson, [https://archive.org/details/bwb_C0-BOG-838/page/1720/mode/2up?q=%22Riches+cover+a+multitude+of+woes%22 ''The Home Book of Quotations''] (New York: Dodd, Mead &amp; Co., 1934)

== External links==
{{wikipedia}}
* [http://www.gottwein.de/Grie/menand/monost_a.php Menander: Monosticha / Sententiae / Einzelverse] Sentences from Menander's work in the original Greek and translated in Latin and German
* [http://www.rhapsodes.fll.vt.edu/menander.htm SORGLL: Menander, Dyskolos, 711-747; read by Mark Miner]
[[Category:Poets from Greece]]
[[Category:Playwrights from Greece]]
[[Category:People from Athens]]
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  <page>
    <title>Mobile Suit Gundam SEED</title>
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      <text bytes="129755" sha1="pvs5asl0ou3ax81grqrg2d8brdwujks" xml:space="preserve">'''''[[w:Mobile Suit Gundam SEED|Mobile Suit Gundam SEED]]''''' is an &quot;alternate universe&quot; storyline in the Gundam metaseries. It has been noted for extremely sharp-looking mechanical designs, numerous character monologues which keep the series true to the &quot;unglamourous war&quot; message of the first series, and its rising popularity. It is also the first &quot;alternate universe&quot; storyline in the Gundam franchise to spawn a true sequel, '''''[[w:Mobile Suit Gundam SEED Destiny|Gundam SEED Destiny]]''''', followed by film continuation called '''''[[w:Mobile Suit Gundam SEED Freedom|Mobile Suit Gundam SEED Freedom]]'''''.

__TOC__

== ''Gundam SEED'' ==
=== ''PHASE-01 &quot;False Peace&quot;'' ===

:'''Narrator''': Year 70 of the Cosmic Era. Tensions were mounting between Earth and the ZAFT organization. Due to the Bloody Valentine tragedy, these tensions escalated into a full-scale war. It seemed a foregone conclusion that the Earth Forces, with its superior numbers, would be victorious, but these initial assessments proved to be false. Almost eleven months have passed since the conflict began -- with no end in sight.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

:'''[[w:Miriallia Haw|Miriallia Haw]]''': Kaohsiung isn't that far away, is it? Will the homeland be all right?
:'''[[w:Tolle Koenig|Tolle Koenig]]''': Sure. There's no need to worry. Although they're close, we're a neutral entity. It's unthinkable for Orb to become a battlefield.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

:''[Flashback]
:'''[[w:Athrun Zala|Athrun Zala]]''': The PLANTs and Earth WILL see eye to eye. You'll join me in the PLANTs too, right Kira?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

:'''[[w:Mu La Flaga|Mu La Flaga]]''': What's the status on ZAFT vessels in the vicinity? 
:'''Captain''': We traced two vessels, but don't worry. They can't do a thing once we're docked.
:'''Mu La Flaga''': Because it's a neutral nation? What a joke.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

:'''[[w:Rau Le Creuset|Rau Le Creuset]]''': Don't look so disappointed, Ades.
:'''Captain Ades''': Well, I guess it won't be too late if we wait 'til we hear back from the council.
:'''Rau Le Creuset''': It ''will'' be too late. I have a sixth sense about these things. If we let things slip now, we would eventually have to pay for those actions with our lives. The Earth Forces' new model mobile weapons... we must seize them before they're moved from there.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

:'''Tolle Koenig''': Sai wrote her a letter? To Flay Allster? Looks like you got some competition, Kira Yamato.
:'''[[w:Kira Yamato|Kira Yamato]]''': But I'm not really...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

:'''[[w:Natarle Badgiruel|Natarle Badgiruel]]''': This place is so peaceful... Just think, there are people their age already fighting on the front line.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

:'''[[w:Yzak Joule|Yzak Joule]]''': That's it. It's just like Commander Le Creuset said.
:'''[[w:Dearka Elsman|Dearka Elsman]]''': What? With the right amount of prodding, they're sure to come out of their hole?
:'''Yzak Joule''': After all, the Naturals are stupid and pathetic.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Kira Yamato''': You're... a girl?
:'''[[w:Cagalli Yula Athha|Cagalli Yula Athha]]''': What did you think I was?! Let's hear it!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Cagalli Yula Athha''': I knew it. The Earth Forces' new mobile weapons. Father, I knew you'd betray us all!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

=== ''PHASE-02 &quot;Its Name: Gundam&quot;'' ===
:''[Kira falls face first into Murrue's chest as she struggled to pilot a Gundam.]''
:'''[[w:Murrue Ramius|Murrue Ramius]]''': Get out of my way! Do you want to die?
:'''Kira Yamato''': I'm sorry!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''[[w:Miguel Aiman|Miguel Aiman]]''': It doesn't matter how good your armor is... if you can barely move!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Miguel Aiman''': Trying to pilot that mobile suit? You're in way over your head, Natural!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Miguel Aiman''': Damn piece of Earth trash!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Rau Le Creuset''': It seems we have an unforseen problem; a rather annoying fly buzzing around.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Rau Le Creuset''': Tell me, do you feel my presence? Do you sense it the same way that I sense yours? A rather unfortunate twist of fate, wouldn't you say... Mu La Flaga?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Murrue Ramius''': You kids don't understand anything! By declaring that you're neutral and have nothing to do with this, you can still distance yourselves from what's happening? You don't really believe that, do you?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Mu La Flaga''': Bastard! Is that you, Rau Le Creuset?
:'''Rau Le Creuset''': You always seem to get in my way, Mu La Flaga! Though I imagine you would probably say the same about me!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Rau Le Creuset''': Mu, I'd actually be pleased if you'd vanish right about ''now!''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Arnold Neumann''': Launch the ship? That's impossible with the number of people we have!
:'''Natarle Badgiruel''': If you have time to argue, spend it on finding a way to do it!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

=== ''PHASE-03 &quot;Collapsing Land&quot;'' ===

:'''Kuzzey Buskirk''': I'm impressed that he can sleep in this situation.  
:'''Miriallia Haw''': He's tired. It was really tough for Kira, you know. 
:'''Kuzzey Buskirk''': It was tough? Well, I guess that's true, but... 
:'''[[w:Sai Argyle|Sai Argyle]]''': What are you getting at, Kuzzey?
:'''Kuzzey Buskirk''': Nothing. Just that in Kira's case we can only say &quot;it was tough for him,&quot; and that's it. Kira said he rewrote the OS for that thing, right? When did he do that? 
:'''Sai Argyle''': What do you mean? 
:'''Kuzzey Buskirk''': I can't imagine Kira had any previous knowledge of that thing. So, when did he rewrite the OS? I figured all along that Kira had to be a Coordinator. To think that Coordinators, born genetically-enhanced, do these amazing things, but to them it's nothing more than &quot;tough.&quot; The guys in ZAFT are all like that. Do the Earth Forces have any chance fighting against these guys?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Mu La Flaga''': It seems he has no intention of waiting until we head out there. That bastard.
:'''Natarle Badgiruel''': Do they intend to hit us again within the colony?
:'''Mu La Flaga''': Easy for them! We can't fire, but they can fire as they wish.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Kira Yamato''': What you say may be correct, that there is a war going on outside our world. But we don't agree with it! We dislike war! And that is why we chose to be here in neutral territory! 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Miguel Aiman''': Athrun! Show us that same spirit that made you defy orders!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

=== ''PHASE-04 &quot;Silent Run&quot;'' ===

:''[Looking at the wreckage of the destroyed colony.]''
:'''Mu La Flaga''': Amazing how simple... and fragile it was.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Captain Ades''': The council won't look lightly on a neutral nation's colony being destroyed. 
:'''Rau Le Creuset''': How can you call a colony that's manufacturing new weapons for the Earth Forces &quot;neutral&quot;? 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Mu La Flaga''': From this point on, we'll have to rely on luck.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Mu La Flaga''': Kira Yamato.
:'''Kira Yamato''': Yes?
:'''Mu La Flaga''': Mr. Murdoch is pretty upset, you know? We don't have enough people. So, you maintain your machine, okay? 
:'''Kira Yamato''': My machine? Wait! What do you mean &quot;my machine&quot;?
:'''Mu La Flaga''': Well, let's just say that's what's been decided. The fact is, you're the only one capable of piloting that thing. It can't be helped.
:'''Kira Yamato''': Sure, I rode the thing twice, only because I had no choice! But I'm not a soldier or anything!
:'''Mu La Flaga''': So, when the fighting starts again, you refuse to use it? Are those going to be your last words, huh?
:''[Kira is quiet.]''
:'''Mu La Flaga''': At that moment, you and I are the only ones who can protect this ship.
:'''Kira Yamato''': But I don't think it's...!
:'''Mu La Flaga''': Kira, you have the power to make a difference, don't you? Then why not put it to use. We have precious little time, including time to think it over.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Sai Argyle''': Kira is a Coordinator. But he isn't with ZAFT.
:'''Miriallia Haw''': He's one of us. A treasured friend.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Kira Yamato''': I may be able to operate the mobile suit... but that doesn't mean I know how to fight a battle!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Rau Le Creuset''': Irony abounds in warfare.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Athrun Zala''': Kira... fails to see he's being manipulated by the Naturals! Brilliant as he is, he is also naive and good-natured. They're exploiting him, but he's blind to it. That's why I have to go back! I have to reason with him! Kira is still a fellow Coordinator! I'm positive that he'll come around to our way of thinking.
:'''Rau Le Creuset''': I know how you feel. However, what if he won't listen to you?
:'''Athrun Zala''': If that should happen... I'll shoot him down myself.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Kira Yamato''': It's not that I want to fight... but I do want to protect this ship. Because of the people on board. 
:'''Mu La Flaga''': It's the same for us all. You won't find too many people who wish to fight for no reason at all. We fight because unless we fight, we cannot protect. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Mu La Flaga''': In any case, think only about protecting this ship and yourself.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Mu La Flaga''': Mu La Flaga, taking off! Don't let them sink you before I return!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

=== ''PHASE-05 &quot;Phase Shift Down&quot;'' ===

:'''Kira Yamato''': Athrun, what are you up to?
:'''Athrun Zala''': I'm taking you to the ''Gamow''.
:'''Kira Yamato''': Get serious. I'm not going to set foot on any ZAFT ship.
:'''Athrun Zala''': You are a Coordinator. You're one of us, Kira.
:'''Kira Yamato''': No, I won't join ZAFT!
:'''Athrun Zala''': That's enough, Kira. Quiet! Just let me take you. Otherwise... otherwise, I'll have no choice but to shoot you.
:'''Kira Yamato''': Athrun...
:'''Athrun Zala''': I already lost my mom at Bloody Valentine. That's why...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Yzak Joule''': Stupid bastard! Are you out of your mind? If it hadn't been your interfering for no reason...
:'''Dearka Elsman''': Quite the little disaster. And all because you had to disobey orders.
:'''[[w:Nicol Amalfi|Nicol Amalfi]]''': What are you doing? This isn't the place. Stop it!
:'''Yzak Joule''': We went out in four machines, and we still couldn't get him. It's too humilating for words.
:'''Nicol Amalfi''': You can take it out on Athrun all you want. But it won't change anything, will it?
:''[After Yzak and Dearka leave in a huff.]''
:'''Nicol Amalfi''': Athrun, I can't help but think that this isn't like you. So if you...
:'''Athrun Zala''': Could you just let me be alone for a while? Okay?
:''[Exits locker room and slams his fist against the wall.]''
:'''Athrun Zala''': Kira...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

=== ''PHASE-06 &quot;The Vanishing Gundam&quot;'' ===

:'''Dearka Elsman''': So what's the strategy then? Kick back until they come out?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Nicol Amalfi''': Trial and error of an untested system. I really hope it works.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:''[Regarding the Blitz's mirage colloid.]''
:'''Dearka Elsman''': It seems appropriate for Nicol. A weapon fit for a coward.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Kira Yamato''': Why can't you go away and let us live in peace?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:''[Regarding Kira being with the Alliance and operating the Strike against his kind.]''
:'''Garcia''': But you're already a traitor to your fellow Coordinators, are you not?

=== ''PHASE-07 &quot;The Scar of Space&quot;'' ===

:'''[[w:Patrick Zala|Patrick Zala]]''': We fight because it is the only way that we can protect ourselves. If we must fight so that we may protect, then we have no choice but to fight. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Mu La Flaga''': I am a man who can make the impossible possible.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

=== ''PHASE-08 &quot;The Songstress of the Enemy Forces&quot;'' ===

:'''Mu La Flaga''': Give me a break. The minute we solve the problem with the supplies, we get thrown another in the form of a pink-haired princess.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''[[w:Flay Allster|Flay Allster]]''': I don't want any of you Coordinators acting friendly with me!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Kuzzey Buskirk''': Are you a member of Blue Cosmos?
:'''Flay Allster''': No, I'm not! But the stance those people take... I don't think they're really wrong. Anyone who has their genes operated on, when they are not sick or anything, is against what nature intended. The truth is you all agree with me, don't you?
:''[Kuzzey and Miriallia look away.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Sai Argyle''': What a beautiful voice! But I wonder... is that voice a result of fiddling around with her genes?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

:'''Lacus Clyne''': But your kindness doesn't come from being a Coordinator... it's because of who you are, Kira Yamato. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

=== ''PHASE-09 &quot;The Fading Light&quot;'' ===

:'''Flay Allster''': I promise I will kill this girl. If they keep firing at my father's ship, I swear I'll kill this girl. Tell them that! GO AHEAD!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

=== ''PHASE-10 &quot;Crossroads&quot;'' ===

:'''Athrun Zala''': Using a rescued civilian as a hostage? So do you still feel justified in fighting alongside these cowards? Kira!?
:'''Kira Yamato''': Athrun... I...
:'''Athrun Zala''': I'm gonna rescue her! That's a promise!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Mu La Flaga''': The only reason our officers would resort to such dubious actions is because we're weak.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Flay Allster''': You didn't make any serious effort to fight them, did you? It's because you're a Coordinator too, isn't it?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

=== ''PHASE-11 &quot;The Awakening Sword&quot;'' ===

:'''Yzak Joule''': I suggest the cowards keep their traps shut. Are there only ten minutes or are there a full ten minutes? It's all in how you look at it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Athrun Zala''': I can't exactly fight a war with a big smile on my face.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

=== ''PHASE-12 &quot;Flay's Decision&quot;'' ===

:'''[[w:Lacus Clyne|Lacus Clyne]]''': What is it one should be fighting against? War makes that question very difficult.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

=== ''PHASE-13 &quot;Stars Falling in Space&quot;'' ===

:'''Yzak Joule''': Come out and fight, Strike! Or else... or else this pain I feel will never go away!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

=== ''PHASE-14 &quot;Within Endless Time&quot;'' ===

:'''Rau Le Creuset''': Each side strives for justice, but both have a different idea of what that means. And so on the battlefield, all those whose strike at the enemy do so for their just cause.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Rau Le Creuset''': The dove is a symbol of peace. It's not born with the sharp beak or claws that can inflict a fatal attack, so they say if these two birds were pitted against each other it would undoubtedly be a long, gruesome battle.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''[[w:George Glenn|George Glenn]]''': Fellow humans, I have kept something from you. But today my secret shall be revealed: I did not come into this world through natural birth. My genes were altered artificially early in the embryonic stage of my development.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''George Glenn''': Gazing upon the Earth from outer space, I am reminded of a thought I had... That I am bridge connecting our home planet to the vast reaches of space where so much is yet to be understood. I am also a human, straggling between the present world... and our future. I am the regulator, the coordinator, the one who is meant to guide the way.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Rau Le Creuset''': Suspicion, ignorance, prejudice, the dark emotions directed at those who can be loved. If love is the brightest light, then are these emotions created from the shadow it casts? Things that are different, things we don't understand, differences that foster anxiety, leading to hatred, and ultimately...confrontation.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Rau Le Creuset''': Even if we know all about the source for the existence of humans, we cannot change their hearts. Those who possess the gift do not understand the feelings of those who don't; and those who don't envy those who do. There are people who still love others who are different to them, but this feeling cannot be transferred by gunfire.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

=== ''PHASE-15 &quot;The Respective Solitudes&quot;'' ===

:'''Flay Allster''': Kira, you are going to fight, and fight, and fight... until you die. It's the only way I will ever forgive you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

=== ''PHASE-16 &quot;Burning Sandstorm&quot;'' ===

:'''[[w:Andrew Waltfeld|Andrew Waltfeld]]''': When the coffee is first-rate, so is everything else. All right, let's go fight a war.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:''[Pointing Strike's Agni to an overturned BuCUE.]''
:'''Kira Yamato''': Here! Have some of this!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Andrew Waltfeld''': Sorry, but we're going to have to finish you off... for what you did to Maylam.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Murrue Ramius''': ...Our guns are useless against moving targets.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

=== ''PHASE-17 &quot;Cagalli Returns&quot;'' ===

:'''Cagalli Yula Attha''': Why? What is someone like you doing here, huh?
:'''Kira Yamato''': That's right. You're that person I met back at Morganroete.
:'''Cagalli Yula Attha''': Let go of me, you jerk!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[After twisting and holding Sai's arm behind his back]''
:'''Kira Yamato''': That's enough! If I took this seriously, you wouldn't stand a chance in a fight against me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:'''Andrew Waltfeld''': ''[About razing Tassil]'' Naughty children must be properly disciplined!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

=== ''PHASE-18 &quot;Payback&quot;'' ===

:'''Mu La Flaga''': This is likely payback for what you did to them last night. I'd say it's awfully kind of the Tiger to let you off with something minor like this.
:'''Cagalli Yula Athha''': How dare you?! Something minor like this? Having a town burnt down is minor? How could you regard anyone who would do this as kind?
:'''Mu La Flaga''': I'm sorry, I apologize if I upset you in any way. But the enemy is an established army. I'm sure you realize if they were serious, it would have been much worse.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:''[Mu gasps at the angry expression in Cagalli's eyes, and humours her.]''
:'''Mu La Flaga''': Yeah, the Tiger. What a detestable guy. 
:'''Cagalli Yula Athha''': Same goes for you!
:''[Cagalli storms off, but then a crowd of civilians gather in a circle around Mu, glaring at him.]''
:'''Mu La Flaga''': Oh boy.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Andrew Waltfeld''': Whenever people are put to the test, I often hear them boast, &quot;I'd rather die.&quot; But do you think they honestly mean it?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''BuCUE pilot''': I'm gonna stomp on you annoying bugs!&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Andrew Waltfeld''': Now, you weird and wonderful pilot, how are you going to get out of this jam?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Cagalli Yula Athha''': That's the last straw! You heartless moron! Look! ''[gestures toward Ahmed's body]'' They fought desperately! We're ''all'' fighting desperately! All so that we can protect the things and people that are so important to us!
:''[Kira slaps Cagalli across the face]''
:'''Kira Yamato''': What the hell can you protect when your feelings are the only weapons you've got?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

=== ''PHASE-19 &quot;Fangs of the Enemy&quot;'' ===

:'''Murrue Ramius''': Any ideas on how to deal with this problem? You're his senior officer.
:'''Mu La Flaga''': Huh?
:''[Mu adopts a thoughtful pose, but his line of sight soon changes to surveying Murrue from top to bottom.]''
:'''Mu La Flaga''': ...Any ideas I have might not be worth mentioning.
:'''Murrue Ramius''': Yeah, I kinda sensed that from you. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:'''Cagalli Yula Athha''': You've got no right to go up to other people and tell them how to eat their food!
:''[Cagalli squirts chili sauce onto her donair kebab and takes a huge bite]
:'''Andrew Waltfeld''': ''[horrified]'' Oh what a terrible waste!
:'''Cagalli Yula Athha''': Delicious!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:''[Kira sees Cagalli in one of Aisha's stunning dresses]
:'''Kira Yamato''': You're a... A girl?
:'''Cagalli Yula Athha''': What'd you think?
:'''Kira Yamato''': No, I was just saying that this reminds me again that you're a girl.
:'''Cagalli Yula Athha''': That amounts to the same thing, jackass!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:'''Andrew Waltfeld''': You've got a lovely pair of eyes. Something sincere about them. ''Very'' lovely eyes.
:'''Cagalli Yula Athha''': Don't toy with me!
:'''Kira Yamato''': Cagalli...
:'''Andrew Waltfeld''': Are you another one of those people who would rather be dead? What about you, then? What do you think about all this? What do you think needs to be done in order for this war to finally end? Give me your opinion as a mobile suit pilot.
:'''Cagalli Yula Athha''': Hey, how would you know about that?
:'''Andrew Waltfeld''': Heh, hahaha, being too sincere can also be a liability. Unlike in sports, the game of war has no set time limit and no points are awarded, so how do you determine the winners and the losers? When all your enemies are destroyed? Perhaps then.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

=== ''PHASE-20 &quot;On a Calm Day&quot;'' ===

:'''[[w:Siegel Clyne|Siegel Clyne]]''': By allowing the war to spread, you also bring about more hatred. How far do you people intend to take this?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Patrick Zala''': There is no meaning in fighting a war unless one can end it in victory.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Patrick Zala''': We Coordinators are very different; we should view ourselves as a completely new species. There's no reason to cooexist with Naturals.
:'''Siegel Clyne''': How can you call us a new species when signs indicate that we are nearing the end of our road? Even with our push toward regulated marriage, birth rates among third-generation Coordinators are declining!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Siegel Clyne''': Patrick, you must face the fact that lives are born here, not simply manufactured!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Patrick Zala''': We can no longer throw away our power and turn back from our evolutionary path so that we may return to being Naturals.
:''[Patrick scoffs and exits the room; Siegel sighs]''
:'''Siegel Clyne''': You still fail to grasp the underlying truth, Patrick: we ''didn't'' evolve.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Rau Le Creuset''': Go ahead, Patrick Zala, be conceited! Enjoy it while you can.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

=== ''PHASE-21 &quot;The End of the Sandstorm&quot;'' ===

:'''Mu La Flaga''': It's better not to know too much about the enemy. Try to forget. Knowing about a man you're about to fight with for your life just makes the battle more difficult.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Aisha''': Oh my, he ''is'' good.
:'''Andrew Waltfeld''': Told you. He was even better the other day when his intensity was turned up. You should have seen him. Unbelievable!
:'''Aisha''': You're taking this rather well. This is difficult for you, isn't it? I can tell you're really fond of him.
:'''Andrew Waltfeld''': You think he'll surrender?
:'''Aisha''': Not a chance.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Andrew Waltfeld''': There's no other way! I'm not giving up until one of us is destroyed!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Kira Yamato''': It didn't have to end like this!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 
 
=== ''PHASE-22 &quot;The Sea Dyed Red&quot;'' ===

:'''Cagalli Yula Athha''': My feelings toward someone have nothing to do with them being Coordinator or Natural.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

=== ''PHASE-23 &quot;Fateful Encounter&quot;'' ===
:'''Mu La Flaga''': Where is that puppy?
:'''Cagalli Yula Athha''': What puppy?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

=== ''PHASE-24 &quot;War for Two&quot;'' ===
:''[Athrun realizes that he's about to stab a girl because Cagalli screams]''
:'''Athrun Zala''': A...girl?
:''[Silence.]''
:'''Cagalli Yula Athha''': That's right, I'm a girl. What is it with you men?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Murrue Ramius''': If you object, then feel free to write about it in your report!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Athrun Zala''': It was the Earth Alliance Forces that gave us the &quot;Valentine Present&quot; first.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Athrun Zala''': My mother was at Junius Seven, which was only a PLANT for agriculture. Countless people, including children, died instantly from the nuclear attack. Did you expect me to sit back and do nothing?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Cagalli Yula Athha''': Hey...what's going on? Shouldn't I still be tied up? 
:'''Athrun Zala''': Eh?
:'''Cagalli Yula Athha''': I'll steal your gun and then the tables would be turned. 
:''[Athrun starts laughing.]''
:'''Cagalli Yula Athha''': Why are you laughing?
:'''Athrun Zala''': It's you. Ya just won't give it up, will ya? ''[Athrun sighs.]'' If you go for my gun I'll have no other choice but to shoot you. So, don't even try it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Cagalli Yula Athha''': I know its Orb's fault for making them. But that thing, that mobile suit will kill lots of earth people.
:'''Athrun Zala''': Fine, then shoot. Because I'd be the one pulling the trigger. I am a ZAFT soldier to the bitter end. I will not let you tamper with that machine. And if you try to shoot me...then I will have to kill you!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Athrun Zala''': What, are you crazy?! Throwing a loaded gun?!
:'''Cagalli Yula Athha''': S-s-sorry...
:'''Athrun Zala''': Unbelievable.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

=== ''PHASE-25 &quot;Land of Peace&quot;'' ===

:'''[[w:Uzumi Nara Athha|Uzumi Nara Athha]]''': Do you honestly believe I would risk the fate of an entire nation and its people for the sake of one spoiled little girl?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''[[w: Mu La Flaga| Mu La Flaga]]''': I guess we owe another one to the kid.
:'''[[w: Murrue Ramius| Murrue Ramius]]''': Yeah... ''[sighs and puts her head down in her arms]''
:''[Mu reaches over and pats her twice on the shoulder]''
:'''[[w: Murrue Ramius| Murrue Ramius]]''': Stop it commander, that's harassment.
:''[Mu looks at his hand in surprise]'' 
:'''[[w: Mu La Flaga| Mu La Flaga]]''': Huh? It is?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

=== ''PHASE-26 &quot;Moment&quot;'' ===

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

=== ''PHASE-27 &quot;Endless Rondo&quot;'' ===

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=== ''PHASE-28 &quot;Kira&quot;'' ===

:'''Flay Allster''': So how... how can you feel sympathy for someone like ''me?''

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:'''Kira Yamato''': Why the hell did they make me a Coordinator?

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:'''Athrun Zala''': ''[giving Birdy back to Kira]'' Is this... yours? 
:'''Kira Yamato''': Thank you...yes.
:''[Kira and Athrun look at each other, then one of Athrun's comrades yells 'Hey! Let's go!' Athrun turns to leave.]''
:'''Kira Yamato''': A-an old friend...! gave it to me. It's a valuable gift, from a valuable friend. 
:'''Athrun Zala''': I see... 

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=== ''PHASE-29 &quot;The Turning Point&quot;'' ===

:'''Dearka Elsman''': Well, how about we try a coup d'etat?
:'''Yzak Joule''': Hmph. No, I'm not stupid enough to want to take over ''this'' disaster.

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:'''Nicol Amalfi''': I guess I figured I should do my part and join the fight after hearing about Junius Seven.

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:'''Uzumi Nara Athha''': If you should kill someone's husband in battle, then his wife will despise you for that. And if you were to kill someone's son, then his mother will hate you for that as well... Because if someone were to take your life, I would hate them with all my heart.

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:'''Uzumi Nara Athha''': Carrying a gun is not the only way to fight.

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:'''Nicol Amalfi''': Athrun r-run...
:''[Nicol recalls his last conversation with his mother]''
:'''Romina Amalfi''': ''Be... be careful, Nicol.''
:'''Nicol Amalfi''': ''[Last words]'' Mother... my piano.
:''[The Blitz Gundam explodes leaving Kira and Athrun aghast.]''
:'''Athrun Zala''': Nicolllllllllll!

=== ''PHASE-30 &quot;Flashing Blades&quot;'' ===
:''[Nicol has just been killed by Kira and Yzak is beating on his locker.]''
:'''Yzak Joule''': Damn it! Damn it! Damn it! Damn it! Damn it! Damn it! Damn it! DAMN IT!
:'''Dearka Elsman''': Yzak...
:'''Yzak Joule''': Why did he have to die like that? And why out here? Well?
:''[Athrun slams Yzak against the locker.]''
:'''Athrun Zala''': Why don't you just come out and say it, Yzak? It's my fault! He died because he was trying to save me.
:'''Dearka Elsman''': Athrun, stop it! You too, Yzak. Fighting each other isn't going to help one bit. And remember that the Strike is our real enemy.
:'''Yzak Joule''': I know that! Obviously! He's the one who killed Miguel. And he gave me this scar. The next time we meet, I'll get him!
:''[Yzak runs off with Dearka in hot pursuit.]''
:'''Dearka Elsman''': Yzak!
:''[Athrun opens Nicol's locker and some music notes fall out; he recalls some conversations he had earlier with Nicol.]''
:'''Nicol Amarfi''': Oh Athrun! Thanks for coming to the concert the other day. Come on! You were sleeping. I guess I figured I should do my part and join the fight after hearing about Junius Seven.
:''[Athrun slams his fist against the locker.]''
:'''Athrun Zala''': Damn it. It should have been me. I should have been the one to die, not him. Nicol.... it's all because I was too weak to defeat Kira in the past. It was my weakness that killed you. I'll kill him.... the next time we meet.

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:'''Mu La Flaga''': We're soldiers. We're not murderers. We're fighting a war! If one doesn't shoot, one gets shot!

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:'''Kira Yamato''': I have to destroy you? So be it, Athrun.

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:'''Athrun Zala''': How could you do it, Kira? You murdered Nicol!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tolle Koenig''': Kira!
:'''Kira Yamato''': Tolle, no! Stay back!
:''[Tolle fires a missile at the Aegis, but it dodges the attack and smashes the Skygrasper with its shield, beheading Tolle.]''
:'''Kira Yamato''': ''Tolle''! ''[enters SEED Mode, damaging Aegis]
:'''Athrun Zala''': I'm gonna ''KILL YOU!!!'' ''[enters SEED mode as well]''

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=== ''PHASE-31 &quot;Grieving Skies&quot;'' ===

:'''Cagalli Yula Athha''': There's something I have to know. Are you the one who destroyed the Strike? 
:'''Athrun Zala''': It was me. 
:'''Cagalli Yula Athha''': What happened to the pilot? Did he escape like you did? Eject? Or... we couldn't find Kira... anywhere. Say something! 
:'''Athrun Zala''': He's gone... Because I killed him. It's true. I did it. I trapped the Strike with my Aegis and blew up. I don't see how he could have escaped. That was the only option I had left... to finish him. 
:'''Cagalli Yula Athha''': Bastard! 

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:'''Cagalli Yula Athha''': Kira... took too many risks, didn't always know what he was doing and always cried. But he was kind. He was a nice guy! 
:'''Athrun Zala''': Yeah, I know. Sounds like Kira hadn't changed a bit. He was always like that. 
:'''Cagalli Yula Athha''': Did you... 
:'''Athrun Zala''': He was a sentimental crybaby. And he was smart, but he never thought things through.
:'''Cagalli Yula Athha''': Did you really know Kira ? 

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:'''Cagalli Yula Athha''': If you were such a good friend, then why the hell would you kill him?
:'''Athrun Zala''': I don't know. I have no idea why either, okay? 
:'''Cagalli Yula Athha''': Huh? 
:'''Athrun Zala''': We separated as friends and the next time I saw him we were enemies! 
:'''Cagalli Yula Athha''': Enemies? 
:'''Athrun Zala''': I asked him to come with us, over and over! Because he was a Coordinator, can't you see? He was one of us, that's where he belonged! It wasn't right for him to be on the side of the Earth forces! 
:'''Cagalli Yula Athha''': So you... 
:'''Athrun Zala''': But whenever we talked, he wouldn't listen! He fought against us, even hurting friends of mine! And then he killed Nicol! 
:'''Cagalli Yula Athha''': And so... that's why you did this to... your friend? 
:'''Athrun Zala''': He was an enemy! He wasn't on my side anymore! I had no choice but to ''kill him!'' 
:'''Cagalli Yula Athha''': You idiot!
:'''Athrun Zala''': He killed Nicol right in front of my eyes! Nicol was fifteen. He loved the piano. He only fought to protect the PLANTs and Kira killed him.
:'''Cagalli Yula Athha''': Kira only fought to protect the things he wished to protect as well. That still doesn't explain why he had to pay with his life! And in the hands of his best friend, of all people!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Cagalli Yula Athha''': One guy's killed for killing another and then he's killed for killing him. How is that kind of twisted thinking ever gonna bring us peace? Well? 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Yzak Joule''': Bastard! You dare show your face?
:'''Athrun Zala''': I destroyed the Strike like I promised.

=== ''PHASE-32 &quot;In the Promised Land&quot;'' ===

:'''Sai Argyle''': Tolle is missing, Kira is missing. Everybody is upset right now. And that includes me. To be honest, I'm really not in the mood to comfort you right now. Sorry. Go ask somebody else.

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:'''Dearka Elsman''': Or maybe your good-for-nothing Natural boyfriend went and died on you or something.

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:'''Miriallia Haw''': Tolle's gone, and he's never coming back! And yet this creep... what is this scumbag doing here!?

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:'''Flay Allster''': All you Coordinators deserve to be killed!

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=== ''PHASE-33 &quot;Gathering Darkness&quot;'' ===

:'''[[w:Natarle Badgiruel|Natarle Badgiruel]]''': The military must be regulated. It requires both soldiers who follow the orders of their superiors and commanders who look at the larger picture and make the appropriate decisions. Otherwise, the ship cannot be victorious or hope to survive in battle.

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:'''Murrue Ramius''': I know that this uniform is something that does not suit me well.

=== ''PHASE-34 &quot;Seen and Unseen&quot;'' ===

:''[Beginning the disastrous Operation Spitbreak.]''
:'''Patrick Zala''': As we embark on this historic day, we pray that this operation will lead to true freedom and justice.

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:'''Rau Le Creuset''': The quickest way to slay the beast... is to chop off its head.

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:''[To Athrun.]''
:'''Yzak Joule''': Next time ''I'll'' be the one in charge. Don't get killed until then. Okay?

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:'''Kira Yamato''': If you just did nothing because you thought it wouldn't help, then you'd end up doing less than nothing, for nothing would change and nothing would end.

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:'''Lacus Clyne''':  Neither will alone nor strength alone will be enough. That's why.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lacus Clyne''': I'd like you to inform them: from now on, Lacus Clyne will be singing the song... of peace. 

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=== ''PHASE-35 &quot;The Descending Sword&quot;'' ===

:'''Miriallia Haw''': What kind of strategy is this!? Because this is a war... and because we're all supposed to be good soldiers... if they tell us to... then I guess we're just supposed to throw away our lives.

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:'''Murrue Ramius''': If the object of this whole battle was to lure the ZAFT forces closer in, then in my opinion this ship has already accomplished its mission. Note that I, Murrue Ramius, captain of the ''Archangel'', make this decision alone. No other crew member is to be held responsible for these actions.
:'''Mu La Flaga''': Don't put so much pressure on yourself.

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:'''Mu La Flaga''': Did you forget? I am a man who can make the impossible possible!

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:'''Yzak Joule''': Don't take me lightly! You're not dealing with the Buster here.

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:''[After witnessing the destructive power of the Freedom Gundam]''
:'''Yzak Joule''': What the hell was ''that?''

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=== ''PHASE-36 &quot;In the Name of Justice&quot;'' ===
:'''Athrun Zala''': Father . . .
:'''Patrick Zala''': What did you call me?
:'''Athrun Zala''': My-my apologies, Chairman Zala.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Murrue Ramius''': It's becoming more and more difficult to understand who or what we're fighting for.
:'''Kira Yamato''': Ms. Murrue. What is it you think we should be fighting against to end all of this? Whatever it is, it's about time we started fighting against it.

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:'''Athrun Zala''': What are you talking about, Lacus? Kira's gone. I--
:'''Lacus Clyne''': --killed him with your own hands?

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:'''Lacus Clyne''': What is it you believe in? What is it you should be fighting for now? Is it for that medal you received? Or your father's orders? Because if that is so, you'll likely find yourself fighting Kira as his enemy again...and you'll be fighting me, too.

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:'''Lacus Clyne''': So if I am to be your enemy then you might as well shoot me now, Athrun Zala, soldier of ZAFT.

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:'''Lacus Clyne''': You'll find Kira on Earth. I suggest that you'll have a talk with him. He is your friend.

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=== ''PHASE-37 &quot;Divine Thunder&quot;'' ===

:'''Uzumi Nara Athha''': We believe that no one should be judged by whether or not his or her genes were altered. Cagalli is a Natural and Kira is a Coordinator. These are things they have no control over.

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:'''Yzak Joule''': What's so fun about firing at targets that aren't moving?

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:'''Murrue Ramius''': Commander...
:'''Mu La Flaga''': That title no longer applies, does it Ms Murrue?

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=== ''PHASE-38 &quot;Decisive Fire&quot;'' ===

:'''Uzumi Nara Athha''': Have they decided it's not worth the effort to hide their true colors from us now that they've lost Panama? Damn the Atlantic Federation!

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:'''[[w:Muruta Azrael|Muruta Azrael]]''': I only hope they'll oblige us by continuing to hold out to the bitter end.

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:'''Murrue Ramius''':  You ought to know I really can't stand mobile armor pilots.
:'''Mu La Flaga''': Well, I guess it's a good thing I'm a mobile ''suit'' pilot now.

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:'''Reverend Malchio''': Wars spread so quickly, but are so difficult to end.

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:'''Kuzzey Buskirk''': If I'm the only one who says that he wants to leave then everyone will think that I'm afraid, that I'm just a coward! And maybe that's true, but there's nothing I can do on board; nothing to do with fighting! I leave that stuff to the guys who are able to do it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Dearka Elsman''': Are Naturals really that stupid?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Muruta Azrael''': Say, boys?
:'''[[w:Orga Sabnak|Orga Sabnak]]''': What?
:'''[[w:Shani Andras|Shani Andras]]''': Huh?
:'''[[w:Clotho Buer|Clotho Buer]]''': Yeah?
:'''Muruta Azrael''': It's extremely important that you not damage Morgenroete or the mass driver. Do you understand?
:'''Shani Andras''': But we can do anything else we want to, right?
:'''Clotho Buer''': Oh yeah.
:'''Orga Sabnak''': Why don't you guys shut up?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Clotho Buer''': That white one, it's mine.
:'''Orga Sabnak''': Humph.
:'''Clotho Buer''': Figures, ya missed it.
:'''Clotho Buer''': Annihilate!
:'''Shani Andras''': Hee hee hee hee hee hee hee!
:'''Clotho Buer''': Bastard! You're terminated!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Clotho Buer''': Out of the way Shani!
:'''Shani Andras''': Your the one who's in the way!
:''[Shani fires his Forbidden's railguns while Kira dodges them and shoots back. Kira's beam cannons are deflected and sent in another direction]''
:'''Shani Andras''': Ha ha ha ha!
:'''Kira Yamato''': It deflected the beams?!

=== ''PHASE-39 &quot;Athrun&quot;'' ===

:'''Athrun Zala''': I haven't received any specific military orders regarding this battle. This intervention... is ''my'' decision alone.

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:'''Shani Andras''': Wow, another one of these... funny-looking mobile suits.

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:'''Clotho Buer''': I don't know who you are, but you're going to be a fatality too!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:''[Orga begins fires on Clotho, who is supposedly his teammate.]''
:'''Clotho Buer''': Orga!
:'''Orga Sabnak''': You're bugging me! 
:''[He fires on Clotho again.]'' 
:'''Orga Sabnak''': The same goes for you, Shani!
:''[Orga fires on Shani as well, leaving Kira and Athrun aghast.]''
:'''Athrun Zala''': These guys don't give a damn about each other!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Clotho Buer''': I've had enough, Orga. You bug me!
:''[The drugs begin to wear off causing Clotho painful withdrawal symptoms; Shani and Orga follow suit.]''
:'''Orga Sabnak''': Aw crap! We're outta time! Clotho!
:''[The three Extended pilots withdraw from the battle.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:''[Azrael is furious that the three Extended pilots were unable to finish the job.]''
:'''Muruta Azrael''': They're useless!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Athrun Zala''': But you . . .
:'''Kira Yamato''': I know. ''[flashback to Nicol's death]'' I killed a comrade of yours. A personal friend. But I never knew him or even met the guy. And it's not as if I wanted to kill him.
:''[Everybody in the room absorbs Kira's remorse]''
:'''Kira Yamato''': And you... ''[flashback to Tolle's death]'' ...killed Tolle.
:''[Athrun gasps as does Miriallia and Dearka]''
:'''Kira Yamato''': But you didn't know him either. You didn't want to kill him, right?
:'''Athrun Zala''': No. But I tried my hardest to kill you.
:'''Kira Yamato''': Same here.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Dearka Elsman''': Hey!
:'''Miriallia Haw''': What do you want?
:'''Dearka Elsman''': Uh, well I . . . he's the one who killed that guy... you know, Tolle.
:'''Miriallia Haw''': So, what is your point? Weren't you listening to Kira? This is what he meant! Would killing him bring Tolle back to me? Of course it wouldn't. So, why don't you just stop talking about it?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Shani Andras''': ''[About the Justice and the Freedom]'' They're gonna pay.
:'''Clotho Buer''': Those two machines.
:'''Orga Sabnak''': That's a promise.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

=== ''PHASE-40 &quot;Into the Dawn Skies&quot;'' ===
:'''Uzumi Nara Athha''': We've been declared an enemy, but does that mean we're not even worth listening to!?

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:'''Athrun Zala''': Both of us completely understood what you meant, and that there are things in this world you want to protect sometimes you gotta fight for them.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kira Yamato''': Athrun…
:'''Athrun Zala''': Let's kick ass!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Orga Sabnak''': You stupid mobile suit! You're out of energy already!?
:'''Clotho Buer''': It's because you keep firing all over the place, dumbass!
:'''Orga Sabank''': Say what?
:'''Clotho Buer''': If you want to leave, do it yourself. You're on your own now.
:''[Athrun leaps out of the water in the Justice Gundam and slices Clotho's hammer in half, forcing him to fall back.]''
:'''Orga Sabnak''': Hey, you're the dumbass!
:'''Clotho Buer''': Who do you think you're...
:''[Orga lands his Calamity Gundam on top of Clotho in his Raider Gundam.]''
:'''Clotho Buer''': Who said you could get on, freeloader!?
:'''Orga Sabnak''': Shut your mouth! We got to go back and recharge. Don't tell me you're not running on empty as well.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Uzumi Nara Athha''': The Earth Forces' present actions are being guided by the leader of Blue Cosmos, Muruta Azrael. To make matters worse, the PLANTs are led by someone who believes Coordinators are a new species, for Patrick Zala rules them now. The way things are developing the world will soon be trapped between two forces who refuse to accept each others' existence. Is this the future you want to see? If you desire a different world, take this small light we have kindled and use it to set a course for a new future. It means a hard road again, but I'm sure you understand why it's necessary, Murrue Ramius.
:'''Murrue Ramius''': That light may be small, but it burns brightly. We believe in it as well.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kira Yamato''': But just because the odds are against us doesn't mean we should give up and let them do whatever they want to us.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mayura Labatt''': I didn't think we'd be going out into space.
:'''Juri Wu Nien''': Suits me just fine.
:'''Asagi Caldwell''': Damn the Earth Forces!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Uzumi Nara Athha''': Stop giving me that look! It doesn't suit a child of the Lion of Orb. You're leaving your father, but you will not be alone. You'll be with your brother.
:''[Uzumi hands Cagalli a photograph of a woman with two infants; Cagalli turns over the photo to see the names &quot;Kira&quot; and &quot;Cagalli&quot; written on the back.]''
:'''Uzumi Nara Athha''': I feel very fortunate to have been your father. 
:'''Cagalli Yula Athha''': No...
:''[A door slides shut, separating Cagalli from Uzumi]''
:'''Uzumi Nara Athha''': Fly Kisaka, I'm counting on you!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Launch communicator''': All personnel except for Division C have been evacuated.  All systems go. Commencing the &lt;I&gt;Kusanagi&lt;/I&gt;'s final launch sequence.  May the blessings of Haumea be with you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Uzumi Nara Athha''': The seeds have flown.  We've succeeded.  We can't leave Orb, or this world, in the hands of those bastards.

=== ''PHASE-41 &quot;Trembling World&quot;'' ===

:'''Lacus Clyne''': We must understand that the people of Earth are our brothers and sisters. We Coordinators haven't somehow evolved into a separate species.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Lacus Clyne''': Can there be any real happiness for us in a future filled with continuous struggle and barren of the loved ones we lost?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Rau Le Creuset''': War is really about the conflicting ideas of different people.  What is it that one should be fighting against?  Never lose sight of that.

=== ''PHASE-42 &quot;Lacus Strikes&quot;'' ===
:'''Patrick Zala''': What's going on? What happened? Where's Justice? And what happpened to the Freedom?
:'''Athrun Zala''': First things first. I have a question for you. What exactly are your true intentions regarding this war?
:'''Patrick Zala''': What did you say?!
:'''Athrun Zala''': You heard me, Father. How long are we going to keep fighting this war?
:'''Patrick Zala''': What are you blathering about? What's important is the mission you were assigned. Now stop wasting time and make your report!
:'''Athrun Zala''': I came back... because I felt I had to ask that one question in person. That's it, Father.
:'''Patrick Zala''': Athrun, you little bastard!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Athrun Zala''': All you can think about is meeting power with more power! Tell me, Father, is that really your true intention? Do you believe that will ever bring an end to this war?
:'''Patrick Zala''': Of course it will! When the very last Natural is dead, this war will end!
:''[Athrun's eyes widen in shock and disbelief]'' 
:'''Patrick Zala''': Now tell me, Athrun, what happened to our machines, the Justice and the Freedom? And answer carefully because I forgive no one! 
:'''Athrun Zala''': Are you serious? Do you mean what you just said, Father? About how you want all the Naturals dead?
:'''Patrick Zala''': That's the whole point of this war! That reason and that reason alone is why we are fighting this war! How could you possibly have forgotten that fact?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Patrick Zala''': Don't kill this fool! There are still some things he needs to tell me.
:'''Soldiers''': Yes, sir! 
:'''Patrick Zala''': Take him away and pry the location of the Justice and the Freedom out of him. Use whatever means of persuasion you find necessary. I'm very disappointed, Athrun. 
:'''Athrun Zala''': I feel the same way.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Andrew Waltfeld''': Welcome to the ship of the Songstress.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Kira Yamato''': You have every reason to want revenge on me. 
:'''Andrew Waltfeld''': That's what happens in war. Everyone has some kind of reason, but no one does.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

=== ''PHASE-43 &quot;What Stands in the Way&quot;'' ===

:'''Rau Le Creuset''': Nobody is ever born into this world as a soldier. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Murrue Ramius''': Do you think they're planning to launch an all-out attack on the PLANTs? 
:'''Andrew Waltfeld''': Their military is full of people who have always wanted to pull off that kind of stunt. &quot;For the preservation of our blue and pure world.&quot; 
:'''Mu La Flaga''': That's enough. 
:'''Andrew Waltfeld''': Hey, they're the ones saying it, not me. 
:'''Mu La Flaga''': I know, but you're right. 
:'''Andrew Waltfeld''': I can't see how getting rid of all the Coordinators would lead to a pure world. I don't even know what a pure world is. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Lacus Clyne''': Whatever human beings have begun, other human beings can then put a stop to.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Cagalli Yula Athha''': I bet your head is like a hamster running in its wheel right about now.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Murrue Ramius''': This isn't only about what happened in Alaska. We have serious doubts about the Earth Forces in their entirety. No surrender, no return to the military!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Natarle Badgiruel''': In these conditions, we hit our own machines too!
:'''Muruta Azrael''': Who cares if we hit our own machines? They have Trans-Phase armor, don't they?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Clotho Buer''': ''[About the Justice and the Freedom]'' They want these guys intact!
:'''Shani Andras''': How about just ''one'' of them?

=== ''PHASE-44 &quot;Spiral of Encounters&quot;'' ===

:'''Natarle Badgiruel''': Are you that eager to meet your maker!?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Orga Sabnak''': Shani!
:'''Clotho Buer''': We have orders to withdraw, dimwit!
:'''Shani Andras''': ''[About Athrun]'' That guy! Do you know what he did?
:'''Orga Sabnak''': We have to retreat! Do you want them to punish us again!?
:''[Shani's eyes widen in fear and he finally backs down from his assault.]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Rau Le Creuset''': If it's my fate to be shot down by you, I thought this place would be appropriate... However, it doesn't look like there's any chance of that happening. After all, how could the child ever hope to defeat the parent!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Dearka Elsman''': I can't just quietly follow orders when it looks like all we're trying to do is wipe out every last Natural alive.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Rau Le Creuset''': Aren't you the least bit curious? About the ultimate extent of humanity's insatiable desires? About the fools who pursued their insane dream in the name of progress? Because after all, Kira, you're a child of this too.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

=== ''PHASE-45 &quot;The Opening Door&quot;'' ===

:'''Rau Le Creuset''': You are the dream of humanity. The Ultimate Coordinator. It was Dr. Hibiki who first created the artificial womb. And you were the only viable child it ever produced. For that reason, a large number of your siblings were sacrificed.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Rau Le Creuset''': George Glenn was the first Coordinator whom humanity knew. Do you have any idea how much darkness spread across the world because of the chaos he unleashed? 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Via Hibiki''': Please stop it! That's a human life in there! Not just a thing!
:'''[[w:Ulen Hibiki|Ulen Hibiki]]''': I know that! That's why I must see this through to the end! 
:'''Via Hibiki''': A life should be born into this world! Not just manufactured!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Via Hibiki''': You liar! Give him back! Give my other child back to me!
:'''Ulen Hibiki''': He's ''my'' son! I'll use the highest technology to make him the Ultimate Coordinator!
:'''Via Hibiki''': And what is this for? For your sake?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Via Hibiki''': The Ultimate Coordinator? Is that supposed to bring this child happiness?
:'''Ulen Hibiki''': The urge to make things better has always driven progress, and then that is what brings about happiness.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Rau Le Creuset''': They thirsted for knowledge. They sought to fulfill their desires. And ultimately, they forgot why they were doing it. Even as they proclaimed their reverence for human life, they began toying with it. And then they began destroying it!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Rau Le Creuset''': No matter what we learn, no matter what we manage to obtain, nothing ever changes! People are amazing that way! They become envious, hate each other, and destroy each other! If that's what they truly desire, why don't they simply exterminate each other?!
:'''Mu La Flaga''': What gives you the right to sound so superior?
:'''Rau Le Creuset''': I am the only one who has earned that right! In the entire universe, I alone have the right to judge all of humanity!
:'''Mu La Flaga''': Cut the crap, you crackpot!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Ulen Hibiki''': But cloning is illegal.
:'''[[w:Al Da Flaga|Al Da Flaga]]''': Laws can be changed. After all, they are only made by humans.
:'''Ulen Hibiki''': But still&amp;mdash;
:'''Al Da Flaga''': This technology came at great cost. You should put it to use. You want funding for your research, don't you?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Al Da Flaga''': But are you sure that's me? Oh well. He will be my successor, in any case. Why should that woman's child be my heir? Keep a close eye on him and educate him well. Whatever you do, don't make him into another weakling.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Rau Le Creuset''': I am he, that arrogant fool, who thought he could thwart death itself with his money. Al Da Flaga, your father. But I am merely that man's defective clone.
:'''Mu La Flaga''': What?! My dad's clone? You expect anyone to believe that fairy tale?
:'''Rau Le Creuset''': I don't want to believe it either. But unfortunately, ''it's true!''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Natarle Badgiruel''': Making the first move will put us at a great disadvantage. Unfortunately, I cannot guarantee success.
:'''Muruta Azrael''': It's easy for anybody to declare the impossible as being impossible. But it's another matter to actually make things possible. Everyone knows that in the business world.
:'''Natarle Badgiruel''': But this is a battlefield. Failure means death.
:'''Muruta Azrael''': It means the same in the business world. Are you one of those people who only fights battles that you know you'll win? Although that's fine by me. When push comes to shove, you've gotta do what you've gotta do to be victorious. We can't remain sitting here forever, can we? Give it your best shot. Think positive. Winners never quit, quitters never win.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Dearka Elsman''': I'm not as devoted or resigned to this cause as those two are, but I've seen some things...
:'''Miriallia Haw''': ''[in flashback]'' Tolle's gone! And he's never coming back! And yet this creep, what is this scumbag doing here?! 
:'''Dearka Elsman''': I watched them. And after I saw Alaska, Panama, and Orb, there's no way I can return to ZAFT and fight like the military tells me to.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Shani Andras''': Do you think we'll get in trouble again if we fail this time? 
:'''Clotho Buer''': Bet on it. ''[About Azrael]'' That guy is just using us to make himself look good.
:'''Orga Sabnak''': It could be worse. At least we're kicking butt instead of getting our own butts kicked.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Rau Le Creuset''': The final door is about to open. And I am the one opening it! And this world will come to an end! This world of insatiable desires will end! And the conceited fools floundering in it will finally have their wish come true! 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Rau Le Creuset''': Do you think you can change what's about to happen?! Nobody can do anything about it. The whirlpool of hatred is engulfing the universe!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Dearka Elsman''': If you insist I'm your enemy just because I'm no longer with ZAFT, then shoot me. 
:'''Yzak Joule''': You're being deceived!
:'''Dearka Elsman''': I wonder which one of us is really being deceived. I don't know for sure, but I'm going.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Rau Le Creuset''': ''[To Flay]'' I'm very tired now. So please deliver this key to the final door for me. If that key makes it into the hands of the Earth Forces, this war will come to an end. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

=== ''PHASE-46 &quot;A Place for the Soul&quot;'' ===

:'''Flay Allster''': I-I have something... a key! A key that's supposed to end this war. So help me! Please help me! 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Clotho Buer''': Time's up!
:'''Shani Andras''': You bastard!
:''[Shani and Clotho behead the Freedom.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Kira Yamato''': ''[About Flay]'' She's someone that I hurt! I have to protect her!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Mu La Flaga''': My father was... an arrogant and unreasonable man... always doubting other people. He died when I was little, and that's about all I remember about him. But this is just... unbelievable! Why'd this have to happen? ''[About Rau]'' And a failed product? He ages too quickly. Shortened telomeres. What's it all supposed to mean?
:'''Murrue Ramius''': None of this is your fault, Mu.
:'''Mu La Flaga''': He has no past and no future. Perhaps not even an identity. 
:'''Murrue Ramius''': So he wants to take the whole world down with him.
:'''Mu La Flaga''': I won't let him get away with this. I won't! 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Kira Yamato''': I'll be all right... because I swore that I'd never cry again.
:'''Lacus Clyne''': It's okay to cry. You should cry, while we're still able to. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Lacus Clyne''': You have too many sad dreams, Kira. But what's important is the person you are. Right here, right now. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Athrun Zala''': It seems like everybody's crying.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kira Yamato''': I'm... not sure what I am. Maybe I wasn't meant to be born into this world. 
:'''Lacus Clyne''': My mother told me something long ago. She said &quot;the world belongs to you, just as much as you belong to the world, for you were born, and that gives you the right to exist.&quot; 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

=== ''PHASE-47 &quot;The Nightmare Reborn&quot;'' ===

:'''Muruta Azrael''': That was nice and quick. Even ZAFT's fortresses are simply no match for nuclear warheads.
:'''Natarle Badgiruel''': Director Azrael... 
:'''Muruta Azrael''': Hm?
:'''Natarle Badgiruel''': I understand that they are our enemies, but don't you feel any remorse for using nuclear weapons?
:'''Muruta Azrael''': I must say, I'm surprised to hear that kind of comment from a professional soldier. Why, I'm almost a saint, compared to some commanders who would knowingly send their troops out to die, knowing full well that it was a battle they could never win.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:''[The Earth Forces have just used nukes to destory Boaz.]''
:'''Patrick Zala''': Damn those Natural scum!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Clotho Buer''': ''[laughs]'' You know what I see? Targets!
:''[Orga is also delighted at all the potential targets for him to shoot.]''
:'''Orga Sabnak''': Well now, I can't make up my mind. Right there!
:''[Meanwhile, a ZAFT grunt pilot futilely fires on Shani.]''
:'''Shani Andras''': Why you little... nobody takes a shot at me!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''ZAFT Green Coat''': ''[Noticing the Peacemaker Force]'' What are those!?
:''[He maneuvers his mobile suit in their direction, but Clotho blows it up and kills him.]''
:'''Clotho Buer''': Oh no, you don't! Nobody stops playing until I say they can.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:''[The Earth Forces' nuclear missiles hit their target, Boaz.]''
:'''Clotho Buer''': Yeah!
:'''Orga Sabnak''': Awesome!
:'''Shani Andras''': Sure is bright!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Mu La Flaga''': Nothing surprises me any more. Not after JOSH-A.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Flay Allster''': But I... I really have to see him again. Kira is alive. So, I really have to see him and talk to him and the others... properly this time!
:'''Natarle Badgiruel''': You may want to stay off the bridge. It won't be as frightening if you stay in your sleeping quarters. You look scared.
:'''Flay Allster''': I-I'm terrified! But I'm just starting to realise now... everybody else saw it and understood what was happening as it unfolded, but I...
:'''Natarle Badgiruel''': Most people are lucky they don't see those things. From here on, this war is only going to get worse. We're going to see a lot more of what we just witnessed.
:'''Flay Allster''': But that man... he said the war was going to end now!
:'''Natarle Badgiruel''': Oh, it will end all right. Once every last enemy is destroyed. Only then will it end.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Lacus Clyne''': Everyone please... we cannot afford to let even one nuclear missile hit the PLANTs. If the blade of light strikes down those who are innocent, it can only lead to neverending tears and hatred.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Lacus Clyne:''' The choices we're making may be one of evil as well. For we call for peace, but with weapons in our hands. Nevertheless allow us to break this chain of endless conflict. Give us strength.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:''[ZAFT prepares to fight back against the Earth Forces with GENESIS]''
:'''Patrick Zala''': All you Naturals mark this moment well. Let this light usher in the creation of the Coordinators' world! '''NOW FIRE!!!'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

=== ''PHASE-48 &quot;Day of Wrath&quot;'' ===

:'''Kira Yamato''': Why do things like that exist in the first place? Nuclear weapons... or for that matter, why are there even mobile suits and guns?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Lacus Clyne''': Is it weapons that are the cause of all this fighting or does the real cause lie within the human heart?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Andrew Waltfeld''': The first time I actually ever had to shoot somebody, it turned my stomach. They told me I'd get used to it in time. And after a while, that's what happened.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Patrick Zala''': This is no longer a war, it is a campaign of extermination!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Shani Andras''': You know, I think there are even more of them than last time. 
:'''Orga Sabnak''': Although, it's really not much fun fighting the small fry. 
:'''Clotho Buer''': Who cares? If I'm ordered to go out and attack, I'll do what I'm told. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

:'''Patrick Zala''': Le Creuset... I'm only going to say this once: no more blunders. To make up for not destroying the ''Eternal'', the least you can do is prevent them from attacking the PLANTs with it.
:'''Rau Le Creuset''': Even if that means killing Athrun, Your Excellency?
:''[Patrick's eyes widen briefly, but then he grits his teeth.]''
:'''Patrick Zala''': Of course!
:'''Rau Le Creuset''': Very well then, sir. Excuse me.
:''[As Rau walks away, Patrick clenches his fist.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Dearka Elsman''': So, they want us to stop the nukes and GENESIS while fighting at the same time!?
:'''Miriallia Haw''': Then why don't you just give up?
:'''Dearka Elsman''': Hey, I didn't mean&amp;mdash;
:'''Miriallia Haw''': Just kidding. I'm sorry. Be careful out there.
:'''Dearka Elsman''': Thank you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Murrue Ramius''': I thought I wouldn't make it in time.
:'''Mu La Flaga''': What are you talking about, silly?
:''[Mu notices Murrue's locket.]''
:'''Mu La Flaga''': Was he a mobile armor pilot?
:'''Murrue Ramius''': ...Yes.
:'''Mu La Flaga''': Don't worry. I'll be right back, with victory in hand.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Rau Le Creuset''': I'll give it a try. Anything that man can do, I'm sure I can do just as well. This is Rau Le Creuset, Providence taking off! 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Cagalli Yula Athha''': I'll be watching after that guy who might be my little brother.
:'''Athrun Zala''': Little brother? Couldn't he be your big brother?
:'''Cagalli Yula Athha''': No way! He's definitely younger.
:'''Athrun Zala''': Yeah I guess you're right.
:''[hugs her]''
:'''Athrun Zala''': I'm pretty lucky to have met you.
:'''Cagalli Yula Athha''': Athrun...
:'''Athrun Zala''': You and I can protect each other.
:''[they kiss]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

=== ''PHASE-49 &quot;The Final Light&quot;'' ===

:'''Muruta Azrael''': It's simple; even a single Coordinator is a threat to the Earth's survival, and our purpose here is to get rid of them all!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Clotho Buer''': What's the deal with you two anyway? Why are you fighting so desperately?
:'''Athrun Zala''': I want to ask you the same thing. What do you guys think you're fighting for?
:'''Clotho Buer''': Don't ask me, I don't really know. I hate losing; that's my ''only'' reason!
:'''Athrun Zala''': What?!
:'''Clotho Buer''': Not that I'll ever lose!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Mu La Flaga''': ''Le Creuset!'' Is this what you were hoping for, you bastard?!
:'''Rau Le Creuset''': You shouldn't blame me! This is mankind's dream, mankind's desire, mankind's destiny! To be the strongest, to go the farthest, to climb the highest!
:'''Mu La Flaga''': You're pathetic!
:'''Rau Le Creuset''': To compete, to envy, to hate each other, and to devour one another!
:'''Mu La Flaga''': I won't let your twisted logic make things worse!
:'''Rau Le Creuset''': But you're too late, Mu. You see... I am the product of all of this, that's how I know! I know that humanity will be swallowed by the darkness it's created!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''William Sutherland''': Mr. Azrael?
:'''Muruta Azrael''': Send out the nuclear attack force!
:'''Natarle Badgiruel''': Director Azrael!
:'''Muruta Azrael''': Destroy every last one of them! ''Smash those annoying hourglasses into dust!''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Lacus Clyne''': Possibly... we humans can exist without fighting. but many of us have chosen to fight. For what reason? To protect something? Protect what? Ourselves? The future? If we kill people to protect ourselves and this future, then what sort of future is it, and what will we have become? There is no future for those who have died. And what of those who did the killing? Is happiness to be found in a future that is grasped with bloodstained hands? Is that the truth?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Natarle Badgiruel''': You're a monster who deserves to die, right here with me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Muruta Azrael''': Damn it! I can't die like this!
:'''Natarle Badgiruel''': Azrael, what now?
:'''Muruta Azrael''': I can still win. ''[his eye twitches]'' That's right. I always win.
:''[Azrael targets the Lohengrin on the ''Archangel'']''
:'''Natarle Badgiruel''': You bastard&amp;mdash;!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Mu La Flaga''': ''[Final words]'' Didn't I tell you I could make the impossible possible...!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Muruta Azrael''': ''[Seeing that he failed to destroy the ''Archangel'']'' No, but I . . .
:'''Natarle Badgiruel''': Hm, looks like you lose.
:'''Muruta Azrael''': How dare you mock me!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Natarle Badgiruel''': ''[Final Words]'' Now! Murrue Ramius!
:'''Murrue Ramius and Natarle Badgiruel''': ''[At the same time]'' ''FIRE!''

=== ''FINAL PHASE &quot;Towards an Endless Tomorrow&quot;'' ===

:'''Lacus Clyne''': I demand that ZAFT cease firing GENESIS immediately! We've experienced the pain and sorrow of nuclear attacks, yet we are trying to inflict the same suffering on them now? Will anything be made right if we fire it? Or if more innocent men, women and children keep loosing their lives?! Is that justice!? Don't you realize yet what these attacks on each other are giving birth to?! Do we want more sacrifices?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Cagalli Yula Athha''': Stop running! The hardest battle, is to keep living!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Yzak Joule''': Give me that weapon!
:'''Dearka Elsman''': Yzak!
:'''Yzak Joule''': He's not beating me!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Rau Le Creuset''': Oh Azrael, what a disappointment you were.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Rau Le Creuset''': This is our destiny! People knew where they were heading when they chose to walk this path!
:'''Kira Yamato''': Shut up!
:'''Rau Le Creuset''': Justice and faith! Ignorance and escapism! They never learn! ''They never listen!'' We have reached the end of that path! There is no way to prevent it now! Mankind vanquished, at last! Just as they deserve!
:'''Kira Yamato''': I won't allow it!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Kira Yamato''': You don't understand anything else!
:'''Rau Le Creuset''': Of course! After all, people can only understand what they've experienced!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Kira Yamato''': You're wrong! People aren't like that at all!
:'''Rau Le Creuset''': Ha! How are they ''not'' like that? What's your proof?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Rau Le Creuset''': This is a world where people's hearts are filled with hatred, where fingers have no other purpose other than to pull triggers!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Rau Le Creuset''': You're something that shouldn't have been allowed to exist, boy!
:'''Kira Yamato''': Just shut up!
:'''Rau Le Creuset''': If people learned of your existence, they would want to become just as you are! They would want to become like you!
:'''Kira Yamato''': That's garbage!
:'''Rau Le Creuset''': And that's the reason why... your existence cannot be allowed!
:'''Kira Yamato''': I'm not... even if that's true... I'm not defined by my abilities alone!
:'''Rau Le Creuset''': And who's going to believe that line? Will they understand that? Of course they won't! Nobody will!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Flay Allster''': I'll always protect you... my true feelings will protect you...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Rau Le Creuset''': It's a shame really, I did enjoy your songs. But the real world isn't as kind as the one in pop songs!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Rau Le Creuset''': Why torment yourself saying. &quot;Eventually, someday&quot;? How long have you been fighting with your thoughts clouded by that brand of sweet poison?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Athrun Zala''': Stop it! Lay down your weapons! Do it now! Is this really what you people want!? You'll wipe them out completely!
:'''ZAFT Green Coat 1''': They're the ones who fired first!
:'''ZAFT Green Coat 2''': My brother was stationed at Boaz!
:'''Athrun Zala''': Damn!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Patrick Zala''': They're right there! Our enemies are still out there! Why would you even suggest we not fire it? We must fire it again, before they have a chance to retaliate! The enemy must be annihilated! Why can't you all understand that?
:'''Subordinate''': Your Excellency, our forces are still in the line of fire!
:'''Patrick Zala''': All of our soldiers are fighting for one thing: victory! I'm sure they're prepared to pay the cost!
:'''Subordinate''': But, sir...!
:'''Ray Yuki''': You... ''bastard''...!
:''[Ray shoots Patrick.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Rau Le Creuset''': ''[Laughs]'' Whatever happens now, I've won! When Jachin self-destructs, GENESIS will fire!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Rau Le Creuset''': The Earth will burn! And the cries of the victims will ignite battle anew!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Patrick Zala''': ''[to Athrun, as he is dying]'' Fire Genesis... we must... make the... world... ours... 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Rau Le Creuset''': This will be a day of reckoning for everyone!
:'''Kira Yamato''': I won't allow it! 
:'''Rau Le Creuset''': This is their destiny! They led us to the inevitable end!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Rau Le Creuset''': You even helped bring this about, boy! 
:'''Kira Yamato''': So ''what?!''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Cagalli Yula Athha''': Stop running! The hardest battle is to keep living!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Kira Yamato''': This world is still worth protecting!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Kira Yamato''': What are we? What'll happen... now that we've come through to this time and space...? 
:''[Birdy then flies above Kira, while Athrun and Cagalli pick up Kira, crying tears of joy at seeing him alive. Kira smiles back at them.]''
:'''Kira Yamato''': ''[Looking at the Earth]'' This is... our world...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

=== ''OVA &quot;In the Valley of Stars&quot;'' ===

:'''Lacus Clyne''': ''[referring to the beliefs of others]'' If you don't trust your enemy, then don't lower your gun.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

== ''Gundam SEED Destiny'' ==
=== ''PHASE-01 &quot;Angry Eyes&quot;'' ===

:'''Cagalli Yula Athha''': Please do me a favor and stop calling me &quot;princess.&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Cagalli Yula Athha''': But still too much strength will only invite another war.
:'''[[w:Gilbert Durandal|Gilbert Durandal]]''': No, princess. Power is a necessity because there will always be conflict

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''[[w:Shinn Asuka|Shinn Asuka]]''': Why is this happening? Are you trying to start another one? Another war?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

=== ''PHASE-02 &quot;Those Who Call for War&quot;'' ===

:'''[[w:Auel Neider|Auel Neider]]''': Should we take along its head as a souvenir? Now that would be one hell of a cool present!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Auel Neider''': Then I guess you'll just have to ''die'' here! I'll tell Neo your last words, all she said was &quot;Goodbye!&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''[[w:Stella Loussier|Stella Loussier]]''': I'm not dead... everything is all right, Stella, isn't it?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

=== ''PHASE-03 &quot;Warning Shots&quot;'' ===

:'''Shinn Asuka''': Making excuses has always been a specialty of the Athhas, hasn't it?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Gilbert Durandal''': A name reflects its owner's nature. But, what if a name is merely a fake? If something goes by a false name, wouldn't it mean that thing is fake? False by nature? Is that what it would mean? Alex... or is it Athrun Zala?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''[[w:Mu La Flaga#Neo Roanoke|Neo Roanoke]]''': We don't want to lose what we have by being greedy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Neo Roanoke''': The day is coming when everything will begin for real... and we'll be the ones in charge.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

=== ''PHASE-04 &quot;Stardust Battlefield&quot;'' ===

:''[Regarding Rey Za Burrel's Blaze ZAKU Phantom.]''
:'''Neo Roanoke''': You're something else, aren't you, White Baldy?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''[[w:Lunamaria Hawke|Lunamaria Hawke]]''': You're starting to sound like Rey. It's throwing me off!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Neo Roanoke''': We had them on the ropes, now they're back in the game.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Neo Roanoke''': I suppose this is goodbye, but I look forward to our next encounter. Farewell for now, White Baldy and your little friends.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

=== ''PHASE-05 &quot;Scars That Won't Heal&quot;'' ===
:'''Athrun Zala''': You seem to have some kind of grudge against Orb; may I ask why? I thought you used to live there. If you're looking for some kind of trivial excuse to drag the Representative into an irrelevant fight, I won't stand for it.
:'''Shinn Asuka''': ''Trivial!?'' I won't let anyone call it trivial! And you're wrong about it being irrelevant too! I lost my entire family because of the Athhas. They believed in the nation, and they believed in your so-called ideals. And in the end, they were all killed at Onogoro. ''[Turns toward Cagalli]'' That's why I will never believe a word that you say. I'll never believe in Orb. I'll never believe any of your self-serving lies again. When you said you were going to uphold justice, did you ever stop and think of the innocents? Of how many people would die because you insisted on following through your values to the bitter end? I wish people who didn't understand stuff wouldn't talk about things as if they did.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Sato''': Now fall, our great tombstone! On a world that has forgotten the voices of sorrow! That closes its eyes and chooses to wallow in deceit! The hour of correction is now at hand!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''[[w:Lord Djibril|Lord Djibril]]''': Regardless of the cause, no one can deny that very soon, one stupid, clumsy object up in the sky is going to come crashing down on our heads. It's a humiliation! A shame! Think of how this looks. Because of that cursed thing, we all run around looking scared and spineless. Somebody must pay for this disgrace But who? Why, who else but the Coordinators who put that thing in space in the first place.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

=== ''PHASE-06 &quot;The End of the World&quot;'' ===

:'''Sato''': You're nothing but pests. It's gone too far! No one can stop the inevitable now!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Athrun Zala''': You haven't changed a bit, Yzak.
:'''Yzak Joule''': Yeah, well, neither have you!
:'''Dearka Elsman''': There they go...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Yzak Joule''': Shut up! I'm the one in command here. Stop giving orders, you damn civilian!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Sato''': Have you forgotten the innocent lives thrown away here!? You're living in a damn dream world laughing with the butchers who caused this, you bastards! The cowardly successors of Clyne have deceived us; they have corrupted and weakened ZAFT. Can't you see that!? Patrick Zala knew it all along; the only true path for Coordinators was the one that he had chosen for us.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Sato''': They'll suffer this time! The Naturals will feel our wrath!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''[[w:Talia Gladys|Talia Gladys]]''': We have to make a decision as to which lives we can afford to lose. Who we can save... and who we cannot.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

=== ''PHASE-07 &quot;Land of Confusion&quot;'' ===

:'''Lunamaria Hawke''': Look, the truth is, all of us here know who you are and what you have done. Formerly a ZAFT Red with the Le Creuset Team, in the final stages of the war, you defeated the seemingly unstoppable Strike. After that, you were assigned to the national committee's special forces FAITH Team. Then they made you the pilot of the ZGMF-X09A Justice. Your name is Athrun Zala.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Athrun Zala''': Only a handful of people were responsible for this, but that doesn't matter. all anyone will remember is that they were Coordinators. You think they'll be quick to forgive?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Lord Djibril''': I swear this time we shall send those bastards to their deaths. For the preservation of our blue and pure world!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

=== ''PHASE-08 &quot;Junction&quot;'' ===

:'''[[w:Yuna Roma Seiran|Yuna Roma Seiran]]''': We fully understand that, but what do we say to the tens of millions of people affected by this calamity? Do we say, &quot;Yes, we know you're suffering, but please forgive them because Earth was saved&quot;? 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Shinn Asuka''': Perhaps it means that I can't be fooled. No matter how beautiful the flowers are, people will just wipe them out.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

=== ''PHASE-09 &quot;Bared Fangs&quot;'' ===
:'''ZAFT Green Coat''': ''[Noticing the Earth Forces' nukes]'' Bastards!

=== ''PHASE-10 &quot;A Father's Spell&quot;'' ===

:'''[[w:Meer Campbell|Meer Campbell]]''': I'm just Meer. Nobody really needs me. But I don't mind if it's just for now. I'm game.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Athrun Zala''': We cannot allow ourselves to exchange blows base on just anger and hatred alone. If we were to exchange blows for those reasons alone, the world will once again become a pointless battlefield! I beg of you... Please don't let that happen! 
:'''Gilbert Durandal''': Alex... 
:'''Athrun Zala''': My name... my name is Athrun Zala. I am the son of Patrick Zala, the man who fanned the flames of war and poisoned the whole world with his hatred. I believed what my father said. I fought in the war, I killed the enemy, I fought my best friend... and even when I realized how wrong he was, I couldn't stop him and I lost everything.
:'''Gilbert Durandal''': Athrun.
:'''Athrun Zala''': There's no way I can let this happen again!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

:'''Gilbert Durandal''': But the things you are capable of doing, and the things you want to do... You should be the one who is most aware of the answers to those. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
=== ''PHASE-11 &quot;The Chosen Path&quot;'' ===

:'''Gilbert Durandal''': Though it was the adults who started this war, it was the young who actually fought it. And if we label those who made mistakes as criminals and punish them, then I ask you, where will the future leaders of the PLANTs come from? We should honor the young for their sacrifices and look to them to build a peaceful future.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Yzak Joule''': You have the ability. Why not put it to use?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Yuna Roma Seiran''': Little girl's playtime is over and done, Cagalli. Even though I'm sorry that this is all happening so fast, both you and I are Naturals. And ORB will ally with the Atlantic Federation. At any rate, it is impossible for you and that Coordinator boyfriend of yours to stay together. The worlds you live in are different. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Shinn Asuka''': If you've become our enemy, I will destroy this country... with my own hands.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Talia Gladys''': Do you want to throw gasoline on the fire?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Yuna Roma Seiran''': Politics is reality, not the ideal.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

:'''Dearka Elsman''': So, where do you want to go? 
:'''Yzak Joule''': And if you say shopping, I'm going to kill you! 
:'''Athrun Zala''': Not even close. I wanted to pay visit to the gravesites of Nicol and the others... Since I can't come to PLANT that often. That's why I thought that I'd like to go. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
=== ''PHASE-12 &quot;Blood in the Water&quot;'' ===

:'''Yuna Roma Seiran''': This country isn't your plaything! Will you stop making decisions based on how you feel?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Captain Todaka''': They want us to side with the army that invaded us and fire on a ship that fought heroically to save Earth. I believe the appropriate word here is &quot;ungrateful.&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Captain Todaka''': Hell if I care. I'm not a politician.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Shinn Asuka''': ''[activating his SEED mode for the first time]'' I won't let it end like this!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

=== ''PHASE-13 &quot;Resurrected Wings&quot;'' ===

:'''[[w:Rey Za Burrel|Rey Za Burrel]]''': Being alive is a gift, the most valuable of all because it means there will be a tomorrow.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Andrew Waltfeld''': Lacus. You have the keys, don't you? We'll open the door. There's no choice. Or do you think it'd be better for everyone here to die obediently? 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

=== ''PHASE-14 &quot;Flight to Tomorrow&quot;'' ===
:'''Kira Yamato''': ''[after rescuing Cagalli] ''Wow, this is a pretty amazing dress.
:'''Cagali Yula Athha''': Shut it!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Captain Todaka''': I'm counting on you, ''Archangel''. Take good care of Lady Cagalli... and the future of our world.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

=== ''PHASE-15 &quot;Return to the Battlefield&quot;'' ===
:'''Cagalli Yula Athha''': What were you people thinking? That was a very stupid move--kidnapping a country's head of state from her own wedding basically makes you international criminals!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Neo Roanoke''': Ah, we meet again. I found you, little puppy.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

=== ''PHASE-16 &quot;Struggle in the Indian Ocean&quot;'' ===

:'''Auel Neider''': You don't think that's gonna hit me, do you?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''[[w:Sting Oakley|Sting Oakley]]''': Come on! Show me what you got, newbie. Let's have some fun.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:''[Auel Neider has just fired on the ''Nyiragongo'']''
:'''Nyiragongo Captain''': Hard to port! Engines at maximum! Evade!
:'''Nyiragongo Crewmate''': Too late, sir! We're finished!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Shinn Asuka''': If you want to hit me, go right ahead! But I don't give a damn! I didn't do anything wrong back there; all I did was help those people in that base!
:''[Athrun hits Shinn again]''
:'''Athrun Zala''': War is not some game to play the hero. Stop making decisions to please yourself. If you have all this power, take responsibility for it!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

=== ''PHASE-17 &quot;A Soldier's Qualification&quot;'' ===

:'''Cagalli Yula Athha''': We can't keep hiding at the bottom of the sea like a bunch of oysters in their shells.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Andrew Waltfeld''': Well, you could say that tricking people is what politics is all about.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Yolant Kent''': Y'know, it wouldn't be all that hard to remove a couple of circuits from the Saviour......
:'''Athrun Zala''': I can still hear you, ya know.
:'''Yolant Kent and Vino Dupre''': AHHH! 
:'''Athrun Zala''': And everything you said earlier.
:'''Yolant Kent and Vino Dupre''': Sorry, sir!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Athrun Zala''': Anyone who has ever wept because they felt weak or powerless has always had those kinds of thoughts. Oh, yes. But the moment you acquire all that power you dreamt of, you become the one who causes others to weep tears of loss. Never forget that.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

=== ''PHASE-18 &quot;Attack the Lohengrin!&quot;'' ===

:''[After Lunamaria congratulates Athrun on his handling of Shinn, Athrun enters an elevator and closes the door]''
:'''Lunamaria Hawke''': Did he just brush me off?
:'''Rey Za Burrel''': Um... beats me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Shinn Asuka''': To hell with that bastard and his &quot;I think you got what it takes&quot; crap! He just didn't want to fly this stupid maze himself!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Athrun Zala''': You know, when you thought yourself 'If only I have the power! I need more power!' Anyone who's ever wept because they felt weak and powerless, has had those kind of thoughts. Yes! But the moment you acquire all that power you dreamed of, you become the one who causes others to wept tears of loss. Just try not to forget that.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

=== ''PHASE-19 &quot;The Hidden Truth&quot;'' === 

:'''Sting Oakley''': We don't need to understand the big picture. The goals of this war don't matter to us. What's important is what we can do for them.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

=== ''PHASE-20 &quot;Past&quot;'' ===

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

=== ''PHASE-21 &quot;Roaming Eyes&quot;'' ===

:'''Shinn Asuka''': Do you want to die, you twit!?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Stella Loussier''': Shinn... you said you'd protect me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

=== ''PHASE-22 &quot;The Sword of the Azure Skies&quot;'' ===

:'''Lord Djibril''': There were embers out there primed to flare up and destroy the Coordinators, and I added fuel to them. Now you're telling me you're putting that fire out!? When all is said and done, the weak will always have to conform to the views of the powerful! The victorious are the righteous ones!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''[[w:Heine Westenfluss|Heine Westenfluss]]''': I just don't think it's a very good idea to build walls of that nature between you and your fellow soldiers, Athrun. When we're out on the battlefield, all of us ZAFT mobile suit pilots are the same, right? Regardless of whether we're FAITH, red uniforms, or green uniforms. We're nothing like the Earth Forces who seem incapable of fighting except in huge groups under orders.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Heine Westenfluss''': Stop worrying! You have to concentrate. We're in the middle of a war and we're soldiers. If you forget, you'll die.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

=== ''PHASE-23 &quot;The Shadow of War&quot;'' ===

:'''Yuna Roma Seiran''': We can't just turn around and say, &quot;Sorry, we quit.&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Heine Westenfluss''': This is no ZAKU, pal! No ZAKU!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Uzumi Nara Athha''': ''[Cagalli's flashback]'' We vow not to attack another nation, not to allow another nation to attack us, and not to intervene in the conflicts of other nations. We of Orb have been able to maintain these ideals in a era of sweeping changes, because we believe that it is the framework we human beings call a nation. Like-minded individuals gathered together in the spirit of harmony. As we face the present situation, I still believe this to be true. The Earth Forces are threatening to attack us unless we join their camp; however, in light of our beliefs, we can not comply to their demands. For to accept that would be to accept the invasion of the most essential principles of Orb, no, the most important principles of humanity itself. The Earth forces vow to attack us if we do not flow the line and fall in with them; however, we can not submit to their ultimatum. For if we agree to join them, then the day would come when we as a country would be forced to fight against other countries, other nations, whose only crime is that they are enemies of the Earth forces. We will not allow another nation to attack us. This is integral to Orb's ideals and we will defend then until the very end, but unfortunately my fellow citizens, the threat is at our very door.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Heine Westenfluss''': Attacking all of us!? What the hell makes you so special!?

=== ''PHASE-24 &quot;Crossing Glances&quot;'' ===
:'''Lacus Clyne''': First, decide.  Then just do it. It's the only way to achieve anything of real value in this world, I'm sure.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Miriallia''': ''[coded message]'' ''I saw an angel at the Dardanelles. I'd like to see it again. The Red Knight is also looking for the Princess. Please respond -- Miriallia.''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Kira Yamato''': If that's the case you've told us that you've gone and joined the ZAFT Forces again what's the next step? You were looking for us weren't you?
:'''Cagali Yula Athha''': Kira, I don't think....
:''' Athrun Zala''': Because I wanna stop you from doing something like that again, I understand about the Junius 7 Incident but ever since then the Earth forces are completely to blame for this fiasco. Even so the PLANTs are making every effort to bring this foolishness to an end and the you guys show up and confuse the situation even further!
:'''Kira Yamato''': Are you sure about that? Do the PLANTs feel that way? Does ''Chairman Durandal'' feel that way? Does he really want to rnd this war and bring peace to the world?
:'''Athrun Zala''': I'm sure you've seen how hard the chairman's been working! And you've heard his speeches. The chairman is doing his best.
:'''Kira Yamato''': And that other Lacus Clyne? What's the story with that other Lacus up in the PLANTs? 
:'''Athrun Zala''': But that's just--
:'''Kira Yamato''': Maybe you can tell me why a squad of Coordinators showed up and tried to kill the real Lacus? 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Athrun Zala''': They tried to have her killed? What are you talking about?!
:'''Kira Yamato''': In Orb, we were attacked by Coordinators from the special forces. They even had their mobile suits with them. They were after Lacus. And that's why I decided to pilot the Freedom again.
:'''Athrun''': But that's...
:'''Kira Yamato''': I don't want her or anyone else for that matter to end up getting killed. Who in the world would want to have Lacus killed and for what reason? Until I have a clear answer to those questions, I'm not trusting the PLANTs.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

=== ''PHASE-25 &quot;The Place of Sin&quot;'' ===
:'''Shinn Asuka''': This is crazy! It's unbelievable! They go on about Coordinators being a mistake and a crime against nature, and then they create these!? 
:'''Athrun Zala''': Shinn...
:'''Shinn Asuka''': How the hell can they say tinkering with genes is wrong when they are doing things like this!?
:'''Athrun Zala''': I couldn't agree more.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Auel Neider''': Calm down!? How do you expect me to calm down!? That lab is the place where my mother... m-mother... she's still there.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Kira Yamato''': But Athrun, I understand what you're saying, but we don't want you fighting against Orb even with things the way they are now... and actually not only Orb, because Athrun, what is lost in pointless battle is gone and never returned.
:'''Athrun Zala''': I've had enough of your sanctimonious talk. You think you've got all the answers!? Or have you forgotten all the lives you've personally taken!?
:'''Kira Yamato''': Yes, I know; and that's why I'm so sick and tired of all of it.
:'''Athrun Zala''': Kira...
:'''Kira Yamato''': I don't want to kill any more, and I will not let others kill.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

=== ''PHASE-26 &quot;Promise&quot;'' ===

:'''Andrew Waltfeld''': We got here early because we are in a hurry. And that's why we need ''you'' to hurry. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

=== ''PHASE-27 &quot;Unreachable Feelings&quot;'' ===

:'''Lord Djibril''': I'm not a man who likes to dwell on the past. However, I'm also not one to tolerate ''repeated'' failures.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Lord Djibril''': The common masses are utter fools. They fail to give the future any thought at all. They raise whatever is most convenient to them at the drop of a hat.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Neo Roanoke''': I know you're not here to take your revenge, Stella. But this is the day we send that ship to hell.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

=== ''PHASE-28 &quot;Survivors and Sacrifices&quot;'' ===

:'''Shinn Asuka''': Why do you keep making... these pathetic excuses?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Cagalli Yula Athha''': Orb should never fight like this. Don't be a slave to the Earth Forces!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Talia Gladys''': Even though that ship may not mean us any direct ill will, we suffered extensive damage because of its intervention last time. All hands are to consider that ship hostile.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Auel Neider''': I'm sick and tired of looking at that face! Today I'll gut you like a fish.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Sting Oakley''': Hey, hey, were you asleep or something? Stop running away!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Captain Todaka''': ''[To Yuna]'' A real battle is far different from those games you're so good at. It's not as easy as you seem to think.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Neo Roanoke''': ''[After witnessing the Abyss Gundam's explosion]'' Auel...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Lieutenant Baba''': Today you will see our tears... and our determination!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Captain Todaka''': I will try to carry out your order to destroy the ''Minerva'' to the very end. I will take the blame for the ships and soldiers that we lost today. With this action, Orb's bravery will be unquestioned. The whole world will learn what we did here.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Captain Todaka''': If you're so eager to lay down your life, then gather everyone who feels the same and go to the ''Archangel''. One day I know they'll find the right path.
:'''Lieutenant Amagi''': Captain Todaka...
:'''Captain Todaka''': Please do this. For me, and all those who gave their lives pointlessly today.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Kira Yamato''': I know what you're saying... I know what you're saying, but it doesn't matter. Because at this moment, Cagalli is crying her heart out. She's crying because all of this is exactly what she feared. Why won't you understand that? And now, are you telling me that this battle... these terrible sacrifices... they can't be helped!? That all of this is the fault of Orb and Cagalli? If you are saying that, then you are attacking the very thing that Cagalli is trying to save!
:'''Athrun Zala''': ''[Athrun is shocked by Kira's words]'' No, Kira... I...
:'''Kira Yamato''': Then I have no choice. I must defeat you! ''[Kira enters SEED mode]''
:''[They confront each other and the Freedom demolishes the Savior, leaving only the cockpit intact.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

=== ''PHASE-29 &quot;FATES&quot;'' ===

:'''Rau Le Creuset''': All things are born into this world... and eventually they die. That is the pure and simple truth.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Rau Le Creuset''': A path not chosen is the same as a path that never existed.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Rau Le Creuset''': No matter how much we look back at the past, we never go back. We can not change what has already happened.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Rau Le Creuset''': People like you walk a path thinking something you desire is waiting for you. I walk to confirm there is ''nothing'' there.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Rau Le Creuset''': But then what is hope? That all of your wishes and all of your dreams come true? To have your prayers answered? To turn back time because things weren't supposed to happen like that? Could you say with absolute certainty that you would not make the same mistake again? Who decided all this, and what's been decided? 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

=== ''PHASE-30 &quot;Ephemeral Dream&quot;'' ===

:'''Rey Za Burrel''': Whatever her life is like, I'm sure she'd like to live if given the chance.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Rey Za Burrel''': All life, no matter how difficult, is worth living.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Neo Roanoke''': Even if it's a trap, you have to trigger it to know what's going on.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Neo Roanoke''': &quot;What are we fighting for?&quot;... we'll be jeopardized if we start to think about this kind of thing.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

=== ''PHASE-31 &quot;The Neverending Night&quot;'' ===

:'''Shinn Asuka''': I guess this just goes to show that you don't know everything after all. Later.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Rey Za Burrel''': What's in the past is in the past, and no one knows what the future holds. So it's hopeless to discuss either. All you can do is wait and hope for tomorrow.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Lord Djibril''': You have to cut off diseased limbs quickly before the rot spreads.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Kira Yamato''': I just wish we're not the fools here. That we're not the ones making mistakes.
:'''Murrue Ramius''': Oh, Kira. For my part, I don't think there's anything foolish or mistaken about trying to protect the people who are important to you. We can't be sure about what's best for the entire world, but I believe, we love this world as much as we do, because of the people we love, who are in it. 
:'''Kira Yamato''': Ms. Murrue.
:'''Murrue Ramius''': I think everyones the same. That's why they struggle, and that's why they fight. But there are times when their methods, or rather our thoughts are different when it comes to achieving these things. Even though the world is what it is because of those we love.

=== ''PHASE-32 &quot;Stella&quot;'' ===

:'''Lord Djibril''': Wherever there is a ZAFT presence, we'll torch everything in sight. Anyone suspect of being intimate with them needs to be taught the lesson again. They need to remember that Naturals and Coordinators are different. And anyone who betrays that fact will find they've bought a one-way ticket to Hell.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Sting Oakley''': A mobile suit's performance doesn't decide who is strongest! I'll defeat you myself!!!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Kira Yamato''': What are you trying to do!? Be a sitting duck!?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

=== ''PHASE-33 &quot;Revelation of the World&quot;'' ===

:'''Shinn Asuka''': It's all right now, Stella. You don't have to be afraid any more. You no longer have to suffer. You're free. Nothing will ever scare you again. Don't worry. It's all over. You can rest here in peace. Good night. I said I'd protect her. I said... I said I'd protect her. Stella! I'm sorry!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Murrue Ramius''': ''[Regarding Neo]'' This person is... Mu La Flaga. But... only in body.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Chief Murdoch''': But he's definitely the Commander, right?
:'''Kira Yamato''': Yeah.
:'''Neo Roanoke''': That's funny. When did I become a commander? I already made it clear to you that I'm a captain. I'm your prisoner, but that doesn't mean you can ''demote'' me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Neo Roanoke''': ''[to Murrue]'' What? Did you fall in love with me at first sight, Miss Beautiful?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Shinn Asuka''': Never mind, Rey. Advice from someone who lost a battle is no good to me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

=== ''PHASE-34 &quot;Nightmare&quot;'' ===
:'''Shinn Asuka:''' ''[To Kira]'' You are not going to get away from me. You were the one who killed Stella! Even though I tried to stop you!&lt;br&gt;
:'''Shinn Asuka:''' ''[To Kira]'' I'm the one who's gonna defeat you! ''Right here, right now!''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:'''Shinn Asuka''': ''[laughing after defeating the Freedom]'' I did it, Stella. I can finally...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:'''Athrun Zala''': KIRA!!!!!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

=== ''PHASE-35 &quot;End of Chaos &quot;'' ===
:'''ZAFT Recruit 1''': ''[to Shinn]'', are you the one took down the Freedom?
:'''Shinn Asuka''': Yep!
:'''ZAFT Recruit 2''': You deserve another medal for that
:'''Rey Za Burrel''': Shinn, congratulations
:'''Shinn Asuka''': ''[To Athrun]'' I took revenge today... for you, too. ''[Athrun grabs Shinn by the collar dropping the latter's helmet in the process]'' What are you doing?
:'''Lunamaria Hawke''': No, Athrun, Shinn.
:'''Athrun Zala''': You bastard! Kira wasn't even trying to kill you. He was just... he was just... But you, you took revenge on him?
:'''Shinn Asuka''': I have no idea what you're talking about, let go of me.
:'''Athrun Zala''': Does it make you happy that you shot him down? Does it make you proud?!? What was the point, huh?
:'''Shinn Asuka''': And why shouldn't I be happy? I have beaten a powerful enemy. Why shouldn't I feel good about that? Tell me, what would I feel, should I be crying like a baby? Should I be praying? Or maybe it would be better if I died out there, is that what you want?
:'''Athrun Zala''': Shinn! ''[Punches Shinn in the face]''
:'''Shinn Asuka''': Why you... ''[About to charge Athrun but is restrained by one of his comrades]''
:'''Rey Za Burrel''': Athrun, please show some restraint. Athrun, I understand that Shinn has a problem with his attitude. &lt;!--To be continued--&gt;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:'''Athrun Zala''': Kira and the Archangel they are not our enemies.
:'''Shinn Asuka''': What are you talking about? Of course...
:'''Rey Za Burrel''': They're enemies. I have no idea what their intentions were. But if our nation says they're enemies, they are.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Neo Roanoke''': ''[To Murrue]'' This &quot;Mu La Flaga&quot;, who is he to you?

=== ''PHASE-36 &quot;Athrun on the Run&quot;'' ===

:'''Meer Campbell''': Athrun! Athrun, how come?
:'''Athrun Zala''': The chairman only wants people who will play the roles he assigned them.
:'''Meer Campbell''': What?
:'''Athrun Zala''': He wants a Lacus he can use, and he wants me to be a pet mobile suit pilot. You're useful to him now, but he's not going to need you forever. And when he's finished with you, he's gonna have you killed. You must come with me!
:'''Meer Campbell''': But I'm... I'm Lacus Clyne.
:'''Athrun Zala''': Meer!
:'''Meer Campbell''': No! I ''am'' Lacus Clyne. I'm Lacus! I'd rather be her!
:'''Athrun Zala''': You're not...
:'''Meer Campbell''': I don't care if it's a only a role! As long as I... as long as I play it right! What's wrong with that kind of life anyway? We can still go back, Athrun. Come on. It'll be okay.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Rey Za Burrel''': I see you've chosen to run away. ''Again!''
:'''Athrun Zala''': Rey!
:'''Rey Za Burrel''': This is unforgiveable! You've betrayed Gilbert's trust!
:''[Rey fires his gun at Athrun and Meyrin.]''
:'''Athrun Zala''': Stop firing Rey! Meyrin's here!
:''[Rey doesn't listen and keeps shooting at them.]''
:'''Ray Za Burrel''': Shinn! Get the Destiny and the Legend prepared for launch!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

=== ''PHASE-37 &quot;The Darkness of Thunder&quot;'' ===
:'''Shinn Asuka''': ''[to Athrun]'' This is all your fault! Because you... YOU BETRAYED US!!!

=== ''PHASE-38 &quot;A New Flag&quot;'' ===

:'''Lord Djibril''': It is okay to blame, it is okay to have ideals too... Well, everything is pointless if you don't win it. It has been decided since the ancient times that the victor wins it all.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

=== ''PHASE-39 &quot;Kira of the Skies&quot;'' ===

:'''Andrew Waltfeld''': ''[Reading Durandal's Journal]'' People are not born for the world's sake. Only places where there are people are called the &quot;world.&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Kira Yamato''': Thanks, Lacus. With this new machine, I can fight properly. The way I know how.
:'''Lacus Clyne''': Kira...
:'''Kira Yamato''': Wait here. I'll be right back. And then we'll return... back to our friends.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

=== ''PHASE-40 &quot;Legacy of Gold&quot;'' ===

:'''Uzumi Nara Athha''': ''[on a recorded message.]'' If the day should come when you wish for power. I will send this to you in response to your emergency.There were many things that I could not teach you. But as long as you strive to learn, you should be able to obtain those things from the people who love and support you.Therefore I will send this and this alone. Although it is foolish to wish for only more power, It is also foolish to balk at power as a reckless thing.  If you are in need of a sword to protect others, take this now. If it is for the sake of doing what you have determined you must do of your own free will. But what your father truly wishes for is that the day you have to listen to this never comes. Although this wish may not reach you as you have opened this door. Please live happily, Cagalli.
:'''Cagali Yula Athha''': The Akatsuki?.....Yes
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

=== ''PHASE-41 &quot;Refrain&quot;'' ===

=== ''PHASE-42 &quot;Freedom and Justice&quot;'' ===

:'''Neo Roanoke''': Sorry for that intrusion, but I have a score to settle with the ''Minerva''. Don't worry, you can win this. After all, I'm the man who can make the impossible possible.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Kira Yamato''': Wanting to help out, but not being able to could be the worst thing to happen...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Lacus Clyne''': It's scary when someone closes their mind. That is it. That's all there is. They only see an end.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Lacus Clyne''': Power is whatever one makes of it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

=== ''PHASE-43 &quot;A Call of Counterattack&quot;'' ===

:'''Neo Roanoke''': ''[to Murrue]'' I think that maybe... I know you. Yes... I know you. My body knows. My eyes, my ears, my arms... And that's why I couldn't just fly off. I think I know how hard it's been for you. It's been hard for me too. I would like... to stay right here, with you, by your side.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kira Yamato''': ''[while seeing the Legend]'' That's not his. ''[referring to Rau Le Creuset which made Kira remember a flashback of the Providence Gundam]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Athrun Zala''': You can't just fight without knowing the true reason behind your anger!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Athrun Zala''': Know what you're fighting for. Fighting for its own sake is pointless. Understand why you are so angry.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lacus Clyne''': ''[Upon interrupting Meer's broadcast]'' Please do not be deceived by the appearance of that person. Hello, my friends, my name is Lacus Clyne.
:'''Gilbert Durandal''': Impossible... what is ''she'' doing in Orb...?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

=== ''PHASE-44 &quot;Lacus Times Two&quot;'' ===

:'''Rey Za Burrel''': Everyone seems to be so concerned about the question of truth. But why? Why are people always concerned with it? Is the true always right, and the false always wrong?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Talia Gladys''': I'm also confused by it. However, the only thing I know is that our commander is not Lacus Clyne. We are not acting according to her orders.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Lord Djibril''': And now, Chairman Durandal, I shall play... ''A REQUIEM FOR YOU AND ALL YOUR KIND!!''
:[''Djibril fires the Requiem Cannon, destroying several PLANTs'']

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

=== ''PHASE-45 &quot;Prelude to a Revolution&quot;'' ===

:[''After Rey kills Djibril during his escape attempt'']
:'''Gilbert Durandal:''' Thank you, Djibril. Goodbye, and good riddance.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

=== ''PHASE-46 &quot;The Song of Truth&quot;'' ===

:'''Lacus Clyne''': If it's my name you want, you may have it. Take it all. But even then... you and I will still be different people, and that cannot be changed. None of us can be anything other than ourselves. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

=== ''PHASE-47 &quot;Meer&quot;'' ===

:'''Meer Campbell''': I'm Lacus. Because I am, aren't I!? Because my voice and face are the same! What's wrong with that!?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Gilbert Durandal''': Why did it turn out like this? Even if we think about it, we already know it is meaningless, yet my heart is wandering in search for it. We experienced a devastating war not too long ago, and we swore at that time that we would never repeat such catastrophes again. And yet, Junius-7 has fallen, our efforts were in vain, and hostilities have opened up once again. The war has spread without any protest, and we have gained the same sadness and pain once again.

:Honestly, what is the meaning of the foolish repetition of a tragedy? For once, as I have mentioned in the past, the cause was definitely due to the existence of Logos. Those who fabricated false enemies, stirred fear into the hearts and minds of the innocent, and made people fight against one another, while reaping the ill-received gains of war. Those behind the scenes fueled this conflict with disastrous results, leading to the deaths of countless individuals; these people deserve to be named “The Merchants of Death”. We, after this long struggle have triumphed and defeated them. That is why I dare to address this... that we have to fight an enemy that has existed since the beginning of time. We have to overcome and release its influence it has on all of us.

:Everyone must be well aware of it by now; it is the reason why ever since man had the capacity to understand, conflicts never disappear from human history. Our greatest enemy is ever-present is the ignorance and desire within us that we can never keep subdued. We distanced ourselves from the violent Earth and took refuge in space, and now that we have achieved the physical and mental abilities we desired above all else, people still do not understand each other. They still do not understand themselves, and with fear blocking their judgment, people cannot see the future.

:As equals? No, with more riches and more enjoyment, the hand that grasps those evil desires within all of us... that is what we have become today: the seed of all conflicts. But the time has come to put an end to all this endless suffering. We have achieved a way to subdue all of that, and the only true answer is within us. All of mankind’s greatest questions are within all our bodies. With this, people will be able to understand their own, as well as others past and future. This is the only cure to prevent the infinite cycle of pain and suffering. As my final escort plan, with all of mankind’s future at stake, I hereby declare the execution of the Destiny Plan.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

=== ''PHASE-48 &quot;To a New World&quot;'' ===

:'''Talia Gladys''': War is a part of politics, in which the whole picture cannot be read.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

=== ''PHASE-49 &quot;Rey&quot;'' ===

:'''Rey Za Burrel''': We are all born to this world as flawed children. So this time, we must end everything, in order not to let any more children like us be born again!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 

=== ''FINAL PLUS: &quot;The Chosen Future&quot;'' ===

:'''Rey Za Burrel''': Kira Yamato...! You shouldn't have been allowed... ''[scene changes to that of Rau, two years ago]'' ...to exist, boy!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lacus Clyne''': Orb is more important than us. Orb is the only thing left standing on in the way of their plan. If we lose Orb, we lose the world, we must protect it at all cost! So Athrun, Captain Ramius, please go. Now hurry!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Shinn Asuka''': Rey! Freedom, you bastard!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Rey Za Burrel''': Shinn, join forces with the Minerva, go after the Archangel. I will deal with the Freedom.
:'''Shinn Asuka''': No, Rey!
:'''Rey Za Burrel''': You take care of the Justice, and make sure you get that traitor. To everything that happened before.
:'''Shinn Asuka''': Yes, I understand!
:'''Rey Za Burrel''': That's right, the end is ahead... 
:'''Kira Yamato''': ''[seeing flashbacks of his final duel with Rau le Creuset]'' What's this? How is this possible?
:'''Rey Za Burrel''': This time for certain...
:'''Kira Yamato''': It can't be.
:'''Rey Za Burrel''': THE END OF EVERYTHING!
:'''Kira Yamato''': Who is that? Who are you?
:'''Rey Za Burrel''': ''[as Rau le Creuset]'' I'm sure you recognize me now... I am Rau le Creuset!
:'''Mu La Flaga''': They've got a lot of guys, yep. But you need more than just numbers!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Gilbert Durandal''': I have to admit, it's amazing.
:'''Rau le Creuset''': ''[appearing as a ghost beside him]'' What is?
:'''Gilbert Durandal''': The fights...the battles...the wars. People really love to fight, don't they?
:'''Rau le Creuset''': And how are ''you'' different?
:'''Gilbert Durandal''': All I want is to win. Preferably without fighting.
:'''Rau le Creuset''': But you know, there are some things that you can't win.
:'''Gilbert Durandal''': ''[thinks of Talia]'' Yes...I lost that day. Sometimes even when you fight, you can't win; an unobtainable victory. Then...why do people fight, even when death is inevitable? Why are we even born, for that matter?
:'''Rau le Creuset''': ''[laughs]'' Like I said before: they exist only to find out that reason. You probably don't like that answer, though.
:'''Gilbert Durandal''': That's right. I'm sorry, but I'll have nothing to do with it; I will not be caught in an internal struggle, nor will I lose...like you did.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kira Yamato''': Rau le Creuset?
:'''Rey Za Burrel''': Mankind's dreams... mankind's future! You are the splendid result: Kira Yamato! And because of that, your existence must come to an end... you will disappear along with us...! ''For the sake of the new world that is to come!!''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Rey Za Burrel''': Gil, where's Rau?
:'''Gilbert Durandal''': Rau is no longer with us. But you are also Rau. That is your destiny.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Gilbert Durandal''': ''[flashback]'' The one thing you cannot run away from is yourself.
:'''Rey Za Burrel''': ''[to Kira]'' And one thing you cannot recover is your past! That's why... we must put an end to all of this, to sweep everything away! So we shall  return what we were meant to be! Humanity... '' the world!!''
:'''Kira Yamato''': No, you're wrong! We all have just one life to live. This is your life you're living, not his!
:''[Kira then attacks Rey in burst mode destroying Legend in the process]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Athrun Zala''': Shinn, just stop it already, it's pointless now!
:'''Shinn Asuka''': Damn it! Why am I... I can't lose to you! Not to you!
:'''Athrun Zala''': You must stop fighting to change your past, you've got to move on!
:''[Shinn and Lunamaria are stunned by Athrun's words.]''
:'''Athrun Zala''': No matter what you do, you cannot bring them back! 
:''[Flashbacks of fallen comrades and families as Athrun emphasizes his point.]''
:'''Shinn Asuka''': How dare you?!
:'''Athrun Zala''': And now you're gonna destroy the future too? Is that it?!
:'''Shinn Asuka''': I understand. I understand that! But, that's exactly why the world has to change!! Also, that's why Orb must be destroyed!
:'''Lunamaria Hawke''': ''[Lunamaria is shocked and horrified by Shinn's destructive motives and remarks..]'' ''Shinn''...! 
:'''Athrun Zala''': Stop talking back to me in that nonsense! Destroying everything like this... and even killing the future...! Is this really the world you desired?! Or the power you desired?!
:''[Shinn reflects at his painful past]''
:'''Shinn Asuka''': It's not the same... ''it's not!''
:''[Shinn charges head on at Athrun, but Lunamaria jumps in between the two, trying to stop them fighting each other.]''
:'''Lunamaria Hawke''': Shinn, stop it already! Athrun, you too!
:''[Shinn wildly screams at seeing the ghosts of his past.]''
:'''Shinn Asuka''': Stella! Mayu! ''MAKE IT STOP!!!''
:''[Shinn continues to attack, to Lunamaria's shock. Athrun goes into Seed Mode, and shields Lunamaria from Shinn's attack.]''
:'''Athrun Zala''': You crazy bastard!!
:''[Athrun then cripples Shinn's Destiny Gundam, and Shinn screams in pain as he crashes upon the moon surface.]''
:'''Lunamaria Hawke''': Shinn!
:''[Lunamaria rushes to look after Shinn, as Athrun looks on with regret]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Athrun, Shinn, Lunamaria, Meyrin are present at the Orb War Memorial as Shinn lays flowers and pays respects to his deceased family]''
:'''Lunamaria Hawke''': Then, they don't have a grave?
:'''Shinn Asuka''': No. Just this little memorial, that's all.
:''[Athrun, Shinn, Lunamaria, Meyrin silently remember the dead, and sadly look around the memorial, and Shinn grips Mayu's cell phone very hard in anguish and anger.]''
:'''Shinn Asuka''': I sure hated this place. But I could never forget it. It didn't look like this, the way it is now. Perhaps they can't be fooled. No matter how beautiful the flowers are, people will just wipe them out. But look at this place... I hate it even more now!
:'''Lunamaria Hawke''': Shinn....
:''[Athrun, Shinn, Lunamaria, Meyrin stands in silence, then Birdy flies in, followed by Kira and Lacus]''
:'''Athrun Zala''': Kira.
:''[Everyone else looks in surprise. Lacus lays flowers on the memorial as others stand by her]''
:'''Kira Yamato''': So, you did come.
:'''Athrun Zala''': Yeah...
:''[Another silent moment passes by, and Athrun steps forward to introduce Kira to Shinn]''
:'''Athrun Zala''': Shinn, this guy here is Kira. Kira Yamato. He's the pilot of the Freedom.
:''[Both Shinn and Lunamaria are surprised with wide eyes, as Shinn remember meeting Kira not long time ago]''
:'''Kira Yamato''': ''[Extends his hand to Shinn as a friendly gesture.]'' I guess not, huh?
:''[After a brief hesitation, Shinn return his hand and gives Kira handshake.]''
:'''Shinn Asuka''': I'm... it's just... I'm just...
:'''Kira Yamato''': No matter how bad things get, we'll never stop planting the flowers. I'm sure of it.
:''[Shinn opens his eyes wide in apprehension]''
:'''Shinn Asuka''': Yeah...
:'''Athrun Zala''': Now you know the kind of battle we fight.
:'''Kira Yamato''': Come fight with us.
:''[After brief moment, Shinn shakes Kira's hands with tears on his face]''
:'''Shinn Asuka''': Yes.

== ''Gundam SEED Astray'' ==


== ''Gundam SEED C.E. 73 Stargazer'' ==

=== ''Stage 01'' ===

=== ''Stage 02'' ===

:'''Mudie Holcroft''': My teacher once said, &quot;The only good Coordinator is a dead Coordinator.&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sol Ryuune L'ange''': Edmond said this before, right? &quot;Look up and move on. Because you'll become jealous or frightened if you look to your sides or below you. The one who looks up. The one who'll look at the stars beyond. Stargazer.&quot;

=== ''Stage 03'' ===

== ''Gundam SEED Destiny Special Edition 1-4'' ==
:'''Kira Yamato''': Right now, it's the only option we have. We all wanna do something to help, and really, none of us are sure if this is the best way to help out. But we can't just give up now, can we. And knowing something's not right but doing nothing about it is just as bad. We know what that will bring. I think we know all too well. That's why we have to go: to prevent history from repeating itself.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Athrun Zala''': In battle, your forces must use only enough power to cause the enemy to lose the will to fight, eliminating the threat with the least amount of damage. Anything less, and your forces will lose. Anything more, and newer different difficulties will arise. The problem lies in the fact that on the battlefield, there are many who understand this.. and many who don't. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Athrun Zala''': Thou may freely eat off every tree in the garden, but never touch the tree that grants the knowledge of good and evil. For the day that thou eatest thereof, thou shall surely die. But the serpent, who was the most cunning of all the creatures brought forth at that time, had this to say, &quot;Ye shall not die, for God doth know that the day ye eat thereof, thine eye shall be opened. Ye will know of good and evil, and ye shall be as God is.&quot; And that God knows that fact. And so it is said that the first humans ate of the fruit.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Athrun Zala''': It was as if I was in the middle of a nightmare. Why do we keep fighting like that? Why do we have to fight? About things I thought I knew, with a friend I thought I knew, but now, bit by bit, piece by piece, things are once again falling apart. There's what we can do, and what we should do. It felt like even those words were beginning to fade away into nothingness. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Athrun Zala''': Everyone was hurting. Everything that's happened. Is it the price we have to pay for what we've done? All of us hope for the same thing. We wanted a world with no war, a world in which this tragedy would never occur again. But with the path we're on right now, it seems that if we choose that dream, it will only come at the cost of everything we have. Given the situation, will people be able to keep their hopes alive? Was this really the only path open to us? We know how to say no, but it was as if the words we're looking for, keep fading into the distance, lost in the hazy skies of war. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kira Yamato''': We take things for granted when times are peaceful, and we quickly forget. But moments like this, are among the happiest of life.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Athrun Zala''': Eventually everyone learns. Like the first person did, about good and evil. Now the fear was, that they'd reach out for the fruit from the tree of life, and live forever. As a result, people were punished, and exiled from paradise and eternal happiness. Could this be the reason why humanity is forever stretching their arms out? Searching for the garden they lost in the distant past, forbidden from ever returning to it? But time only flows one way, that's why I believe that what we're really searching for still lies ahead. Somewhere in our future, though there may not be a tree of life, I'd like to think that some day we will fashion a garden with our own hands. One where we can live in peace and in happiness.

== ''Gundam SEED Freedom'' ==

:''[Ingrid holds a knife at Lacus’s head as Kira arrives.]''
:'''Ingrid''': Don’t come closer! If you move an inch, I'll put out her eyes! Or I could slit her throat! If she’s no longer able to sing, can you still say that you love her?
:'''Kira''': Yeah. Even if those eyes can’t see… Even if she loses her voice… Lacus is Lacus!
:''[Kira smiles at Lacus; his eyes glistening.]''
:'''Kira''': And I love everything about her!
:'''Lacus''': Kira…
:''[At Kira's words, Ingrid remembers something Lacus said to Orphee earlier.]''
:'''Lacus''': You don’t love people because they’re needed. You need them because you love them.
:''[Lacus breaks away from Ingrid and runs into Kira’s arms while Ingrid is disarmed. Kira and Lacus embrace.]''
:'''Lacus''': Kira!
:'''Kira''': Lacus! 
:''[Kira looks at Lacus, worried.]''
:'''Kira''': That was so reckless!
:'''Lacus''': ''(crying and smiling happily at Kira)'' I love you too…

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Agnes''': ''(talking about Shinn to Lunamaria)'' You're dating that pug-nose you don't even love and found yourself in a pretty good situation!
:'''Lunamaria''': Huh? I do love him! Got a problem?!
:'''Agnes''': No way! You love that little mountain monkey?!
:'''Lunamaria''': None of your business! Why would I put up with him if I didn't love him?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''' Arthrun''': ''(to Shura)'' Strength is not just power! It’s the will to live!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''' Lacus ''': Orphee, Ingrid. Let’s stop all of this.
:'''Orphee''': ''(referring to Kira) '' You chose that man only because he is inferior to you! Is it that comforting to be surrounded and worshipped by your inferiors?! What an egocentric, cold-hearted women! You don’t care even if these fools keep fighting themselves to extinction? 
:''' Lacus ''': There is no superior or inferior when it comes to lives. Everyone is precious to someone.
:''' Orphee ''': Then why am I not loved?
:''' Lacus ''': No. Someone is sure to be looking your way.  It doesn’t have to be now. It could be someone in the future. ''(referring to Ingrid)'' Or someone so close to you that you didn’t notice.
:''' Orphee ''': I don’t care about the future! I want you... right now! We were born of the foolishness of humans. They keep speaking of peace and equality but demand that others change for them! They never want to change themselves!
:''' Kira ''': That’s not true!
:''' Orphee ''': Then why does conflict never go away in any day and age?!
:''[Flashbacks of Flay, Stella, Durandal and others from when they passed away appear.]''
:''' Orphee ''': They never forget hatred, and even on the brink of extinction, they’re obsessed with immediate self-interest or prejudice and drag each other down! They are all fools!
:''[Ingrid joins Orphee in his cockpit.]''
:''' Ingrid ''': Orphee!
:''' Orphee''': ''(referring to the Accords)'' They need someone to guide them! To end this history of division and bloodshed! That is the meaning behind why we were born!
:''' Lacus ''': Humans are not born out of need! They are born from love!
:''' Kira ''': I’ll choose my future with my own hands!
:''[Before they die together in his mobile suit, Ingrid comforts Orphee.]''
:''' Orphee ''':  Impossible… I-I have a duty...
:''' Ingrid ''': That’s enough, Orphee…
:''' Orphee ''': Ingrid…?
:''' Ingrid ''': Because I know…

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''' Lacus''': ''(final words of the movie)'' The opposite of love is not hate.  The opposite of love is indifference. You are there inside me. Am I there inside you? The joy from your existence within me, the strength from my existence within you. I can’t tell if its bright or dark, because the future cannot be seen at all. But if they have hands to hold, if they have hearts to support each other, the blind pair will be able to proceed forward. For the sake of the hands that connect us, let’s learn about each other to make those hands stronger. I will speak of the multitudes within my heart…all the petty things. That is why I want you to talk to me as well. Of the multitudes of petty things that reside within your heart...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''' Kira''': Lacus?
:''' Lacus''': Yes.
:''' Kira''': Well... I think I’ll be staying here for a while.
:''' Lacus''': What is it?
:''' Kira''': It's about where we’ll be living.
:''' Lacus''': What? Are you talking about Cagalli’s villa?
:''' Kira''': Oh, yeah. I’ve actually already arranged it. From there, I can get to the underground hanger quickly, and...
:''' Lacus''': If Captain Murrue and the others are nearby, it’ll be reassuring, right?
:''' Kira''': Oh? Lacus? Are you reading my mind?
:''' Lacus''': Ah. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.
:''' Kira''': No, it’s fine. I can’t hide anything from Lacus anyway. And you’re you. No matter what abilities you have.
:''' Lacus''': Thank you, Kira.
:''' Kira''': But... can I ask something?
:''' Lacus''': Yes.
:''' Kira''': What else can you do? I mean, your abilities...
:''' Lacus''': Oh…I’m not sure what abilities others may have, but as for me...
:''' Lacus''': ''(activating her powers)'' I can send my voice or images like this.
:''' Kira''': That’s kind of amazing.
:''' Lacus''': Maybe so.
:''' Kira''': Lacus?
:''' Lacus''': Oh, it’s okay, Kira. As we discussed with everyone, we’ll keep the power of the Accord a secret. Its also seems that Captain Konoe and Heinlein are working out various strategies.
:''' Kira''': That may be so, but...
:''' Lacus''': Besides, Cagalli and Athrun seem to be managing the diplomatic relations well.
:''' Kira''': That’s right.
:''' Lacus''': Still, if there are those who don’t understand... ''(chuckles)'' I might just have a little ‘talk’ with them.
:''' Kira''': Huh?
:''' Lacus''': I’m only joking.
:''' Kira''': Really?
:''' Lacus''': Yes. The things that need to be conveyed, I will express properly in words.
:''' Kira''': I love you, Lacus.
:''' Lacus''': I feel the same. I love you too, Kira.
:''' Kira''': Also, about that…
:''' Lacus''': Yes?
:''' Kira''': That about that suit?
:''' Lacus''': Oh, I asked for a normal suit too, but Mr. Heinlein said that he had a new material he was researching.
:''' Kira''': No, that’s not it.
:''' Lacus''': ''(chuckles)'' Kira, you’re so naughty.
:''' Kira''': What?
:: [Note: The above quotes are from an additional epilogue that appeared in an edited, re-released version of the movie. This was shown in Japan from September the 20th 2024 to October the 3rd 2024.]

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''' Cagalli''': Great work, Athrun!
:''' Athrun''': You too, Cagalli.
:''' Cagalli''': I’m really glad we managed to stop the attack on Orb. I was honestly shocked when I first heard about it, being told to team up to fight the one who took down Kira and Shinn. Well, that plan was pretty reckless. I was really worried about you.
:''' Athrun''': Don’t worry. Winning a battle isn’t just about strength. You can exploit weaknesses or set traps. There’s no need to fight on the enemy’s terms.
:''' Cagalli''': As expected from you.
:''' Athrun''': Of course! Even if we went up against each other five times, I wouldn’t lose.
:''' Cagalli''': Really?
:''' Athrun''': Yeah. But there’s no doubt that we won thanks to you Cagalli. Its because you provided Justice and Cavalier.
:''' Cagalli''': I see. I’m glad I could be of help.
:''' Athrun''': Also, Shinn is 10 years too early to pilot Justice.
:''' Cagalli''': ''(light-hearted)'' That might be true. 
:''' Cagalli''': Anyway, Athrun.
:''' Athrun''': Uh... Here it comes...
:''' Cagalli''': That enemy pilot said something about “shameless delusions.” What was all that about?
:''' Cagalli''': Why are you silent?
:''' Athrun''': There’s no way I can say it.
:''' Cagalli''': So it’s something you can’t say?!
:''' Athrun''': It’s not like that!
:''' Cagalli''': Hmm... I heard from Meyrin, she said that a girl named Meer was in your room before.
:''' Athrun''': When did you hear this?! Besides, that was just a misunderstanding- 
:''' Cagalli''': So you did something that could be misunderstood?
:''' Athrun''': How did you reach that conclusion?
:''' Cagalli''': Meyrin is Lunamaria’s sister, you know. She probably knows everything you’ve done.
:''' Athrun''': Like I said…Why? Hmm... Alright. I was thinking of you.
:''' Cagalli''': Huh?
:''' Athrun''': Sorry. But let me make one thing clear - you’re the only one I’ve ever looked at like that, Cagalli, on that deserted island!! ''[Athrun is shown to be blushing at Cagalli, embarrassed.]' 
:'''Cagalli''': I-Is that so? Mhhm... It was necessary to win, right? Mhhm... Then it can’t be helped. I’ll let this slide.
:'''Athrun''': Cagalli…?
:'''Cagalli''': Why didn’t you tell me beforehand?
:'''Athrun''': If I told you beforehand, would you have cooperated? 
:'''Cagalli''': Of course not!!! 
:: ''[Note: The above quotes were from an additional epilogue to Gundam Seed Freedom, as part of a second re-release of the movie that was shown in Japanese theaters from November the 1st 2024 to November the 14th 2024.]''

== External Links ==
{{Wikipedia}}

[[Category:Anime and manga series]]
[[Category:Gundam]]
[[Category:Japanese TV shows]]
[[Category:Television series on DVD]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>The Grim Adventures of Billy &amp; Mandy</title>
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      <text bytes="2942" sha1="4sjb1u010mp1ok6tn6cuh6c5383z4y0" xml:space="preserve">[[File:0 006 - The Grim Adventures of Billy &amp; Mandy -- Grim 01.jpg|thumb|I am the Grim Reaper, ruler of the Underworld! Or at least I was until I met Billy and Mandy.]]
{{italic title}}
[[The Grim Adventures of Billy &amp; Mandy]]: [[The Grim Adventures of Billy &amp; Mandy/Season 1|1]], [[The Grim Adventures of Billy &amp; Mandy/Season 2|2]], [[The Grim Adventures of Billy &amp; Mandy/Season 3|3]], [[The Grim Adventures of Billy &amp; Mandy/Season 4|4]], [[The Grim Adventures of Billy &amp; Mandy/Season 5|5]], [[The Grim Adventures of Billy &amp; Mandy/Season 6|6]]
----
'''''[[w:The Grim Adventures of Billy &amp; Mandy|The Grim Adventures of Billy &amp; Mandy]]''''' (also known as '''''Billy &amp; Mandy''']'' (2003–08), created by [[w:Maxwell Atoms|Maxwell Atoms]], is an [[w:United States|American]] [[w:animated television series|animated television series]] that aired on [[w:Cartoon Network|Cartoon Network]]. The two main characters, Billy and Mandy, have obliged the [[w:Death (personification)|Grim Reaper]] to be their best friend forever after having won a bet over a sick hamster.

== Seasons ==

==[[Codename: Kids Next Door|''Codename: KND'' Crossover]] – [[Codename: Kids Next Door/Season 6#The Grim Adventures of the KND (The Grim Adventures of Billy &amp; Mandy Crossover)|The Grim Adventures of the Kids Next Door]]==
{{Main|The Grim Adventures of the KND}}

==Voice Cast==
:[[w:Richard Steven Horvitz|Richard Steven Horvitz]] - Billy, Harold (Billy's dad), Billy-bot, and Saliva
:[[Grey DeLisle]] - Mandy, Milkshake, Aunt Sis, Major Dr. Ghastly, and Betty Rubble
:[[w:Greg Eagles|Greg Eagles]] - Grim Reaper and Sperg
:[[w:Vanessa Marshall|Vanessa Marshall]] - Irwin and Clarie (Mandy's mom)
:[[w:Rachael MacFarlane|Rachael MacFarlane]] - Mindy and Eris
:[[w:Jennifer Hale|Jennifer Hale]] - Gladys (Billy's mom)
:[[w:Jane Carr|Jane Carr]] - Pud'n
:[[w:Martin Jarvis|Martin Jarvis]] - Nergal
:[[w:Debi Derryberry|Debi Derryberry]] - Nergal Jr.
:[[w:Diedrich Bader|Diedrich Bader]] - Hoss Delgado and Floss Delgado
:[[w:Armin Shimerman|Armin Shimerman]] - General Skarr
:[[w:Kari Wahlgren|Kari Wahlgren]] - Velma the Spider Queen

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy, The}}
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[[Category: The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy]]
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[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated horror TV shows]]
[[Category:Elementary school TV shows]]
[[Category:Horror comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:Cartoon Network original series]]
[[Category:Television series by Cartoon Network Studios]]
[[Category:Television series on DVD]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about children]]</text>
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    <title>May 19</title>
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      <text bytes="25737" sha1="k73bi7mncyyp58gt13qr501yzyiilmh" xml:space="preserve">&lt;div id=&quot;19&quot; style=&quot;margin: 1em 0em; border: thin solid black; padding: 3px; background-color:#CFE5FF;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122); font: bold 14pt sans-serif;&quot;&gt;[[Category:Days]][[w:May 19|May 19]]&lt;/div&gt; &lt;noinclude&gt;'''Quotes of the day''' from previous years:&lt;/noinclude&gt;

; 2004
: It is love alone that gives worth to all things. ~ [[Teresa of Avila|St. Teresa of Avila (Teresa de Jesús)]]
:* selected by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]

; 2005
: Time is on the side of the oppressed today, it's against the oppressor. Truth is on the side of the oppressed today, it's against the oppressor. You don't need anything else. ~ [[Malcolm X]] (born 19 May 1925)
:* selected by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]

; 2006
: Faith is a continuum, and we each fall on that line where we may. By attempting to rigidly classify ethereal concepts like faith, we end up debating semantics to the point where we entirely miss the obvious — that is, that we are all trying to decipher life's big mysteries, and we're each following our own paths of enlightenment. ~ [[Dan Brown]] (author of ''[[The Da Vinci Code]]''; film adaptation released worldwide on 19 May 2006)
:* selected by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]

; 2007
: With all reverence, I would say, let God do His work, we will see to ours. Bring in the candles. ~ [[Abraham Davenport]] (Statement on 19 May 1780, &quot;[[New England's Dark Day]]&quot; which many feared might be the coming of the [[w:Last Judgment|Last Judgment]]; as quoted by [[John Greenleaf Whittier]].
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]&lt;!-- * 4 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 22:30, 18 May 2007 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2008
: Mankind is a single body and each nation a part of that body. We must never say &quot;What does it matter to me if some part of the world is ailing?&quot; If there is such an illness, we must concern ourselves with it as though we were having that illness. ~ [[Mustafa Kemal Atatürk]] (precise birthdate unknown, but celebrated on May 19)
:* proposed by [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] &lt;!-- * 3 because all nations are somewhat intertwined. When one is damaged, another aches, thus the domino effect we see in this charming description, and what better way to depict the image than to compare it to the human body, joined and inseperable. [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 05:08, 27 April 2008 (UTC)
* 4 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 00:08, 18 May 2008 (UTC)
* 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 09:19, 18 May 2008 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2009
: Humankind consists of two sexes, woman and man. Is it possible that a mass is improved by the improvement of only one part and the other ignored? Is it possible that if half of a mass is tied to earth with chains and the other half can soar into skies? ~ [[Mustafa Kemal Atatürk]] (born May 19)
:* proposed by [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] &lt;!-- * 4 because women and men are constantly feuding over equality for the sexes...and this quote says a lot, especially when assuming that one is bound to the ground. Of course both male and female are both needed and as important, hence the visual enigmatic reference here. [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 05:08, 27 April 2008 (UTC)
* 2 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 18:38, 18 May 2009 (UTC) &lt;s&gt;3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 00:08, 18 May 2008 (UTC)&lt;/s&gt; I can locate only tenuous sources for this on the internet, and of the versions I can locate would slightly prefer to use the following translation as the best available, though there seem to be some grammatical flaws even in this:
:: Human kind is made up of two sexes, women and men. Is it possible that a mass is improved by the improvement of only one part and the other part is ignored? Is it possible that if half of a mass is tied to earth with chains and the other half can soar into skies?
* 4 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 09:19, 18 May 2008 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2010
: I wish to live because life has within it that which is good, that which is beautiful and that which is love. Therefore, since I have known all of these things, I have found them to be reason enough and — I wish to live. Moreover, because this is so, I wish others to live for generations and generations and generations. ~ [[Lorraine Hansberry]] (born 19 May 1930)
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] &lt;!-- * 4 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 18:38, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
* 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 23:13, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
* 1 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 02:34, 20 May 2009 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2011
: To make a discovery is not necessarily the same as to understand a discovery. ~ [[Abraham Pais]] (born 19 May 1918)
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]&lt;!-- * 4 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ([[User talk:Kalki|talk]] &amp;middot; [[Special:Contributions/Kalki|contributions]]) 19:19, 15 May 2011 (UTC) &lt;s&gt;3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 18:38, 18 May 2009 (UTC)&lt;/s&gt;
* 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 23:13, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
* 2 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 02:34, 20 May 2009 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2012
{{quote of the day
| quote = I have found out that the real essentials of [[greatness]] in [[men]] are not written in [[books]], nor can they be found in the [[schools]], They are written into the inner [[Awareness|consciousness]] of everyone who intensely searches for [[perfection]] in creative achievement and are understandable to such men only.
| author = Walter Russell
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Bystander53|bystander]]&lt;!-- * 3 [[User:Bystander53|bystander]] ([[User talk:Bystander53|talk]]) 03:36, 15 May 2012 (UTC)
* 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 22:38, 17 May 2012 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2013
{{quote of the day
| quote = Upon the [[progress]] of [[knowledge]] the whole progress of the [[Humanity|human race]] is immediately dependent: he who retards that, hinders this also.
| author = Johann Gottlieb Fichte
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]&lt;!-- * 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 08:20, 16 May 2013 (UTC) &lt;s&gt; 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 10:18, 12 October 2009 (UTC) with a strong lean toward 4.&lt;/s&gt; --&gt;

; 2014
 {{quote of the day
| quote = Once you [[change]] your [[philosophy]], you change your [[thought]] pattern. Once you change your thought pattern, you change your — your [[attitude]]. Once you change your attitude, it changes your behavior pattern and then you go on into some [[action]].
| author = Malcolm X
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] &lt;!-- * 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 09:21, 17 May 2014 (UTC) &lt;s&gt;3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 09:05, 19 May 2007 (UTC)&lt;/s&gt;
* 1 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 05:26, 23 April 2008 (UTC)
* 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 09:19, 18 May 2008 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2015
{{quote of the day
| quote = [[Progress]] leads to [[confusion]] leads to progress and on and on without respite. Every one of the many major advances … created sooner or later, more often sooner, new [[problems]]. These confusions, never twice the same, are not to be deplored. Rather, those who participate [[experience]] them as a privilege.
| author = Abraham Pais
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] &lt;!-- * 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 22:26, 18 May 2015 (UTC) &lt;s&gt;3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ([[User talk:Kalki|talk]] &amp;middot; [[Special:Contributions/Kalki|contributions]]) 07:49, 19 May 2011 (UTC) with a very strong lean toward 4. &lt;/s&gt; --&gt;

; 2016
{{quote of the day
| quote = &lt;!-- ⨀ &lt;br /&gt; --&gt; Of course, relative [[citation]] frequencies are no [[measure]] of relative [[importance]]. Who has not aspired to write a paper so fundamental that very soon it is [[known]] to everyone and cited by no one?
| author = Abraham Pais
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]&lt;!-- * 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 00:07, 19 May 2016 (UTC) &lt;s&gt;3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ([[User talk:Kalki|talk]] &amp;middot; [[Special:Contributions/Kalki|contributions]]) 07:49, 19 May 2011 (UTC) with a lean toward 4.&lt;/s&gt; --&gt;

; 2017
{{quote of the day
| quote = &lt;!-- ⨀ &lt;br /&gt; --&gt; [[Today]] we live in the midst of upheaval and [[crisis]]. We do not [[know]] where we are going, nor even where we ought to be going. [[Awareness]] is spreading that our [[future]] cannot be a straight extension of the [[past]] or the [[present]] … [[20th century|The century]] [[now]] approaching its [[end]] has been one of indiscriminate [[violence]], it has been perhaps the most [[murderous]] one in Western [[history]] of which we have record. Yet I would think that what will strike [[people]] most when, hundreds of years from now, they will look back on our days is that this was the age when the [[exploration]] of [[space]] began, the microchip was [[invented]], [[revolutions]] in [[transport]] and [[communication]] virtually annihilated [[time]] and [[distance]], transforming the [[world]] into a &quot;[[w:global village|global village]],&quot; and [[relativity theory]], [[quantum mechanics]], and the structure of the [[atom]] were discovered, in brief that this has been the century of [[science]] and [[technology]].
| author = Abraham Pais
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]&lt;!-- We do not know where we are going, nor even where we ought to be going. ~ [[Abraham Pais]]
* 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 23:44, 18 May 2017 (UTC) &lt;s&gt;3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ([[User talk:Kalki|talk]] &amp;middot; [[Special:Contributions/Kalki|contributions]]) 07:49, 19 May 2011 (UTC)&lt;/s&gt; but would now extend this to read:
{{quote of the day
| quote = Today we live in the midst of upheaval and crisis. We do not know where we are going, nor even where we ought to be going. Awareness is spreading that our future cannot be a straight extension of the past or the present … The century now approaching its end has been one of indiscriminate violence, it has been perhaps the most murderous one in Western history of which we have record. Yet I would think that what will strike people most when, hundreds of years from now, they will look back on our days is that this was the age when the exploration of space began, the microchip was invented, revolutions in transport and communication virtually annihilated time and distance, transforming the world into a &quot;global village,&quot; and relativity theory, quantum mechanics, and the structure of the atom were discovered, in brief that this has been the century of science and technology.
| author = Abraham Pais
}} --&gt;

; 2018
{{quote of the day
| quote = &lt;!-- ⨀ &lt;br /&gt; --&gt; [[Humanity]] may [[endure]] the [[loss]] of everything: all its [[possessions]] may be torn away without infringing its [[true]] [[dignity]]; — all but the possibility of [[improvement]].
| author = Johann Gottlieb Fichte
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]&lt;!-- * 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 21:24, 18 May 2018 (UTC) &lt;s&gt; 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 10:18, 12 October 2009 (UTC) with a very strong lean toward 4.&lt;/s&gt; --&gt;

; 2019
{{quote of the day
| quote = &lt;!-- ⨀ &lt;br /&gt; --&gt; For me the [[important]] distinction is between a stylistic approach to the [[design]]; and an analytical approach giving the process of due consideration to [[time]], [[place]], and [[purpose]] ... My analytical approach requires a full [[understanding]] of the three [[essential]] elements ... to arrive at an [[ideal]] [[balance]] among them.
| author = I. M. Pei
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]&lt;!-- * 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 00:23, 19 May 2019 (UTC) --&gt;, in regard to his recent death.

; 2020
{{quote of the day
| quote = &lt;!-- ⨀ &lt;br /&gt; --&gt; Most executives, many [[scientists]], and almost all [[business]] [[school]] graduates [[believe]] that if you [[analyze]] [[data]], this will give you new [[ideas]]. Unfortunately, this belief is totally [[wrong]]. The [[mind]] can only see what it is [[prepared]] to see.
| author = Edward de Bono
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]]&lt;!-- *4 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] ([[User talk:Zarbon|talk]]) 13:37, 3 May 2019 (UTC)
* 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 23:45, 18 May 2020 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2021
{{quote of the day
| quote = &lt;!-- ⨀ &lt;br /&gt; --&gt; [[Design]] is really a special case of [[problem solving]]. One wants to bring about a desired state of affairs. Occasionally one wants to remedy some fault but more usually one wants to bring about something new. For that reason design is more open ended than [[problem]] solving. It requires more [[creativity]]. It is not so much a matter of linking up a clearly defined objective with a clearly defined starting position (as in problem solving) but more a matter of starting out from a general position in the direction of a general objective.
| author = Edward de Bono
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]]&lt;!-- Design is really a special case of problem solving. One wants to bring about a desired state of affairs. Occasionally one wants to remedy some fault but more usually one wants to bring about something new. For that reason design is more open ended than problem solving. It requires more creativity. - [[Edward de Bono]]
*3 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] ([[User talk:Zarbon|talk]]) 13:37, 3 May 2019 (UTC)
* 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 00:00, 19 May 2021 (UTC), but extended to read:
:: Design is really a special case of problem solving. One wants to bring about a desired state of affairs. Occasionally one wants to remedy some fault but more usually one wants to bring about something new. For that reason design is more open ended than problem solving. It requires more creativity. It is not so much a matter of linking up a clearly defined objective with a clearly defined starting position (as in problem solving) but more a matter of starting out from a general position in the direction of a general objective. --&gt;

; 2022
{{quote of the day
| quote =  &lt;!-- ⨀ &lt;br /&gt; --&gt; There isn't just one [[Point of view (philosophy)|point]]; it takes [[time]] to [[learn]]. You don't have to be [[intelligent]], but I think you have to be open to [[possibilities]] and [[willing]] to [[explore]]. The only [[stupid]] [[people]] are those who are [[arrogant]] and closed off.
| author = Edward de Bono
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]]&lt;!-- * 3 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] ([[User talk:Zarbon|talk]]) 13:37, 3 May 2019 (UTC)
* 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 00:26, 19 May 2022 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2023
{{quote of the day
| quote = &lt;!-- ⨀ &lt;br /&gt; --&gt; [[Unhappiness]] is best [[defined]] as the [[difference]] between our [[talents]] and our [[expectations]].
| author = Edward de Bono
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]]&lt;!-- *3 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] ([[User talk:Zarbon|talk]]) 13:37, 3 May 2019 (UTC)
* 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 22:27, 18 May 2023 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2024
{{quote of the day
| quote =  &lt;!-- ⨀ &lt;br /&gt; --&gt; Usually in an [[argument]], I can see the other person's [[point of view]]. It comes down to three basic things: [[different]] [[information]], different [[perception]] and different [[values]]. Once you can see where [[people]] come from you can consider if the other person has better information and compare their values and perceptions to yours. I am [[willing]] to [[listen]].
| author = Edward de Bono
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]&lt;!-- * 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 18:45, 18 May 2024 (UTC)&lt;s&gt; 3 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver;&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 00:54, 19 May 2022 (UTC) &lt;/s&gt; --&gt;

; 2025
{{quote of the day
| quote =  &lt;!-- ⨀ &lt;br /&gt; --&gt; Just sit a while and [[think]]. Never be [[afraid]] to sit a while and think.
| author = Lorraine Hansberry
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Kalki|Kalki]]&lt;!-- Never be afraid to sit a while and think.~ [[Lorraine Hansberry]] (born May 19, 1930)
* 4 &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 23:59, 18 May 2025 (UTC) &lt;s&gt;3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 18:38, 18 May 2009 (UTC) &lt;/s&gt; 
* 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 23:13, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
* 1 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 02:34, 20 May 2009 (UTC) --&gt;

; 2026
{{quote of the day
| quote = &lt;!-- ⨀ &lt;br /&gt; --&gt;[[Creative]] [[thinking]] — in terms of [[idea]] creativity — is not a [[mystical]] [[talent]]. It is a [[skill]] that can be [[practised]] and nurtured. You can never tell how a [[policy]] has been reached just by looking at the end [[result]]. Some [[people]] who have [[achieved]] a huge amount do not come across as impressive when you speak to them.
| author = Edward de Bono
}}
:* proposed by [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]]&lt;!-- Creative thinking — in terms of idea creativity — is not a mystical talent. It is a skill that can be practised and nurtured. You can never tell how a policy has been reached just by looking at the end result. ~ [[Edward de Bono]]
* 3 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] ([[User talk:Zarbon|talk]]) 13:37, 3 May 2019 (UTC)
— used this, but extended it slightly for context — Kalk 2026·05·18 --&gt; 

; 2027 : ''[[May 19|Rank or add further suggestions…]]''
----
&lt;noinclude&gt;
{{QOTD Ranking}}
----
----
== Suggestions ==

If the Tiger does not stop fighting the Elephant, the Elephant will die of exhaustion. ~ [[Ho Chi Minh]] (born May 19)
* 4 because this is so true. A battle can be won by tiring the greater enemy into defeat. I love this quote wholeheartedly. It sets the idea of david and goliath into an understandable and moral realm. [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 06:23, 22 April 2008 (UTC)
** ''Source: A Short History of Communism - Page 137 - by Robert Harvey - Political Science - 2004''
* 1 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] ([[User talk:Kalki|talk]] &amp;middot; [[Special:Contributions/Kalki|contributions]]) 08:11, 30 April 2010 (UTC) &lt;s&gt;* 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 00:08, 18 May 2008 (UTC)&lt;/s&gt; I still wish to use this quote eventually, but am making a tactical shift, because I strongly prefer another for this year.
* 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 09:19, 18 May 2008 (UTC)

----

Men, I am not ordering you to attack. I am ordering you to die. ~ [[Mustafa Kemal Atatürk]] (born May 19)
* 3 because in this one statement, the leader explains to the soldiers how low their chances of survival would be in one assault, yet in this honest situation, gives courage and strikes honor and valor, allowing the soldier to serve full-throttle and serve to the bitter end. [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 05:08, 27 April 2008 (UTC)
* 2 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 00:08, 18 May 2008 (UTC)
* 1 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 09:19, 18 May 2008 (UTC)
* Comment: Although Atatürk's birthdate is unknown, this is a good day for posting quotes for him because it has become the [[w:Commemoration of Atatürk, Youth and Sports Day|Turkish national holiday in his honor]]. - [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 09:32, 18 May 2008 (UTC)
* Comment: But I could've sworn he's born on May 19th. Maybe it's not listed on the wikipedia pages, but it is listed in numerous other sites, for reference purposes. [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 16:52, 18 May 2008 (UTC)
:His birthdate isn't listed on Wikipedia because they evidently concluded, based on the information shown [[w:Mustafa Kemal Atatürk's personal life#Birth date|here]], that his birthdate could not be determined. - [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 21:40, 18 May 2008 (UTC)

----

Eventually it comes to you: the thing that makes you exceptional, if you are at all, is inevitably that which must also make you lonely. ~ [[Lorraine Hansberry]] (born May 19, 1930)
* 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 09:19, 18 May 2008 (UTC)
* 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 14:21, 18 May 2008 (UTC) with a strong lean toward 4.
* 2 because those who are bound to being exceptional are bound to loneliness. Nice. [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 16:54, 18 May 2008 (UTC)

----

It struck me that the movies had spent more than half a century saying, &quot;They lived happily ever after&quot; and the following quarter century warning that they'll be lucky to make it through the weekend. Possibly now we are entering a third era, in which the movies will be sounding a note of cautious optimism: You know, it just might work. ~ [[Nora Ephron]] (born May 19, 1941)
* 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 09:19, 18 May 2008 (UTC)
* 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 14:21, 18 May 2008 (UTC)
* 1 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 16:54, 18 May 2008 (UTC)

----

Children see things very well sometimes — and idealists even better. ~ [[Lorraine Hansberry]] (born May 19, 1930)
* 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 18:38, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
* 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 23:13, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
* 1 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 02:34, 20 May 2009 (UTC)

----

A woman who is willing to be herself and pursue her own potential runs not so much the risk of loneliness as the challenge of exposure to more interesting men — and people in general. ~ [[Lorraine Hansberry]] (born May 19, 1930)
* 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 18:38, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
* 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 23:13, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
* 1 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 02:34, 20 May 2009 (UTC)

----

There is always something left to love. And if you ain't learned that, you ain't learned nothing. ~ [[Lorraine Hansberry]] (born May 19, 1930)
* 3 [[User:Kalki|Kalki]] 18:38, 18 May 2009 (UTC) with a lean toward 4.
* 3 [[User:InvisibleSun|InvisibleSun]] 23:13, 18 May 2009 (UTC)
* 1 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] 02:34, 20 May 2009 (UTC)

----

Studies have shown that 90% of error in thinking is due to error in perception. If you can change your perception, you can change your emotion and this can lead to new ideas. ~ [[Edward de Bono]]
*3 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] ([[User talk:Zarbon|talk]]) 13:37, 3 May 2019 (UTC)

----

The concept of logical thinking is selection and this is brought about by the processes of acceptance and rejection. Rejection is the basis of logical thinking. - [[Edward de Bono]]
* 2 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] ([[User talk:Zarbon|talk]]) 13:37, 3 May 2019 (UTC)

----

You cannot dig a hole in a different place by digging the same hole deeper. ~ [[Edward de Bono]]
*3 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] ([[User talk:Zarbon|talk]]) 13:37, 3 May 2019 (UTC)

----

What happened was, 2,400 years ago, the Greek Gang of Three, by whom I mean Aristotle, Plato and Socrates, started to think based on analysis, judgment and knowledge. At the same time, church people, who ran the schools and universities, wanted logic to prove the heretics wrong. As a result, design and perceptual thinking was never developed. People assumed philosophers were doing it and so they blocked anyone else from doing it. But philosophers were not. Philosophers may look out at the world from a stained-glass window, but after a while they stop looking at the world and start looking at the stained glass. ~ [[Edward de Bono]]
* 3 [[User:Zarbon|Zarbon]] ([[User talk:Zarbon|talk]]) 13:37, 3 May 2019 (UTC)

----

&lt;!-- interwiki start --&gt;

&lt;!-- interwiki end --&gt;
&lt;/noinclude&gt;</text>
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  <page>
    <title>The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask</title>
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        <username>~2026-29973-59</username>
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[[File:Supermoon.jpg|thumb|72 hours. 24 masks. 1 moon. The world is waiting on you.]]
'''''[[w:The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask|The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask]]''''' is an [[w:action-adventure game|action-adventure]] [[video game]] developed and published by [[Nintendo]] for the [[w:Nintendo 64|Nintendo 64]]. It was released in 2000 as the sixth main installment in ''The Legend of Zelda'' series.

==Tatl==
* You can't, Tael! What would we do if you dropped it and broke it? No way! You can't touch it!
* Whoa! Whoa! Skull Kid, wait for me! I'm still here! Tael, you can't leave without me! ''(she bangs against the door, but she stops and turns to Deku Link)'' You! If I wasn't dealing with you, I wouldn't have gotten separated from my brother! Well, don't just sit there, Deku boy! Do something! ...Why are you looking at me like that? What, is there something stuck on my face? Will you stop staring at me and open that '''door''' for me?!? Please!!! C'mon, a helpless, little girl is asking you... So hurry up! Ohhhh, Tael... I wonder if that child will be all right on his own?
* Hey, wait for me! Don't leave me behind! So, um, that stuff back there... I, um, apologize... so... So take me with you! You wanna know about that Skull Kid who just ran off, right? Well, I just so happen to have an idea where he might be going. Take me with you and I'll help you out. Deal? Please? Good! So then it's settled! I'll be your partner... or at least, until we catch that Skull Kid. My name's Tatl. So, uh, it's nice to meet you or whatever. Now that we’ve got all that straightened out, can we stop messing around and get moving?!
* Snap out of it! What are you doing lost in your memories?!? Get yourself together! Getting that old ocarina back isn't gonna help us!! Somebody! Anybody!!! Goddess of Time, help us please! We need more time!
* Huh? When did you get ''that'' instrument?!
* Oh no! The Great Fairy!
* ''(after Link reverses time)'' W-What just happened?! Everything has... started over... Wha... What are you, anyway? That song you played... That instrument... ...That instrument!!! Wait! That's it! Your instrument!!! The '''mask salesman''' said that if you got the '''precious thing''' that was stolen from you, he could return you to normal! Did you completely forget or what?
* Nooo! What are you doing to my brother? Skull Kid, do you still think you're our friend after that?!!?
* Ah! Tael! We've been looking for you two. Hey, Skull Kid, what if you gave that mask you're wearing back now? Hey, c'mon, are you listening?
* Oh! I remember this! Tael and I drew this with the Skull Kid when we first met him... He told us that he had been fighting with and that they had left him all alone...
* I'm sure it was because he was always playing tricks, so nobody wanted to play with him. But to do what he did just because of that... 
* And once he got his power...
* It's Gekko again! If he defeats you, you'll be riding on the horses from Once Upon A Wintertime and then the Grand Chawhee II will kill you!
*Dingdinginginging!

==Majora's Mask==
* A puppet that can no longer be used is mere garbage. This puppet's role has just ended....
* Do you want to play with me? OK, let's play good guys against bad guys... I'll be the good guy, and you be the bad guy, and when you're the bad guy, you just run.
* Certainly, he had far too many weaknesses to use my power.

==Moon Children==
* Ahhh... Nice weather...Isn’t it? Masks... you have...a lot. You, too... will you be... a mask salesman? Then I'll play with you. So... The masks... Give me some...
* More...
* Thanks... You... You're a nice person... Aren't you? Hide-and-seek... Let's play. Alright... I'll...hide...
* You found me... Hey... I want...more...masks...
* Heh, heh... Thanks... You're nice. Umm... Can I ask... a question? Your friends... What kind of... people are they? I wonder... Do those people... think of you... as a friend? ''(Child wearing Odolwa's mask)''
* Heh, heh... Thanks... You're nice. Umm... Can I ask... a question? You... What makes you...happy? I wonder... What makes you happy... Does it make...others happy, too? ''(Child wearing Goht's mask)''
* Heh, heh... Thanks... You're nice. Umm... Can I ask... a question? The right thing... What is it? I wonder... If you do the right thing... Does it really make... everybody...happy? ''(Child wearing Gyorg's mask)''
* Heh, heh... Thanks... You're nice. Umm... Can I ask... a question? Your true face... What kind of... face is it? I wonder... The face under the mask... Is that... your true face? ''(Child wearing Twinmold's mask)''
* ...Everyone has gone away, haven't they? You don't have any masks left, do you? Well, let's do something else. Let's play good guys against bad guys... Yes. Let's play that. ''(Child wearing Majora's mask)''
* Are you ready? You're the bad guy. And when you're bad, you just run. That's fine, right? Well... Shall we go? ''(Child wearing Majora's mask)''

==Moon==
* I... I shall consume. Consume... consume everything...
* Rumble.... Rumble.... Rumble..

==Happy Mask Salesman==
[[File:MajorasMaskDawns.png|thumb|I own the Happy Mask Shop. I travel far and wide in search for masks. During my travels, a very important mask was stolen from me by an imp in the woods. So here I am at a loss... And now I've found you. Now don't think me rude, but I have been following you... For I know of a way to return to your former self. If you can get back the precious item that was stolen from you, I will return you back to normal. In exchange, all I ask is that you also get back my precious mask that imp stole from me. What? Is that not a simple task? Why, to someone like you, it should be by no means be a difficult task. Except... The one thing is... I'm a very busy fellow... And I must leave this place in '''three days'''. How grateful I would be if you could bring it back to me before my time here is up. But, yes... You'll do fine. I see you are young and have tremendous courage. I'm sure you'll find it right away. Well then, I am counting on you...]]
* You've met with a terrible fate, haven't you?
* Don't tell me... my mask... you ''did'' get it back, didn't you? ''(he picks up Link and shakes him violently)'' What have you done to me?!
* If you don't get that mask back soon, something terrible will happen!
* Whenever there is a meeting, a parting is sure to follow. However, that parting need not last forever... Whether a parting be forever or merely for a short time... That is up to you.
* Believe in your strengths...Believe...
* I own the Happy Mask Shop. I travel far and wide in search for masks. During my travels, a very important mask was stolen from me by an imp in the woods. So here I am at a loss... And now I've found you. Now don't think me rude, but I have been following you... For I know of a way to return to your former self. If you can get back the precious item that was stolen from you, I will return you back to normal. In exchange, all I ask is that you also get back my precious mask that imp stole from me. What? Is that not a simple task? Why, to someone like you, it should be by no means be a difficult task. Except... The one thing is... I'm a very busy fellow... And I must leave this place in '''three days'''. How grateful I would be if you could bring it back to me before my time here is up. But, yes... You'll do fine. I see you are young and have tremendous courage. I'm sure you'll find it right away. Well then, I am counting on you...
* Then listen to me. Please play this song that I am about to perform, and remember it well... This is a melody that heals evil magic and troubled spirits, turning them into masks. I am sure it will be of assistance to you in the future.
* I went to great lengths to get that legendary mask. When I finally had it... I could sense the doom of a dark omen brewing. It was that unwelcome feeling that makes your hair stand on end. And now... that imp has it... I am begging you! You must get that mask back quickly or something horrible will happen!
* Now no time remains... and time is not eternal. Please value your time.

==Skull Kid==
* Hee, hee. You two fairies did great! I wonder if he has anything good on him. Huh? This guy... Well, that shouldn't be a problem...
* What's with that stupid horse of yours? It doesn't listen to a word I said to it. There's no point in riding a thing like that. So I did you a favor and got rid of it. Hee hee! Aw, boo hoo. Why the sad face? I just thought I'd have a little fun with you. Oh, come now, do you ''really'' think you can beat me as I am now? Fool!
* Hee hee! Now ''that's'' a good look for you! You'll stay here looking like that way forever!
* Eh-hee-hee...You have the same smell as the fairy kid who taught me that song in the woods...
* Well whatever. Even if they were to come now, they wouldn't be able to handle me... Hee, hee. Just look above you... If it's something that can be stopped, then just try to stop it! DAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!
* Don't speak out of line! Stupid fairy!!!

==Business Scrub==
* Wait! Wait! Hang on! 
* This is my private property. Don't try using it when I'm not around!
* I'm still not giving it to you, so go away!

==Minor characters==
* I grant to you a soldier who has no heart. One who will not falter in the darkness. ~ '''King of Ikana'''
* I beg you! Bring me back to life with your magic! If it is beyond your power, then I beg of you to do this for me instead... Heal my sorrows. Any way that you can do it will suffice... Please...heal my sorrows. ~ '''Darmani'''
* Please take refuge. We are fine here. We shall greet the morning... together. ~ '''Anju'''
* I'm not doing anything suspicious.. Really! ~ '''Sakon'''
* To die without leaving a corpse... That is the way of us Garo. ~ '''Garo Ninja'''
* Tingle Tingle! Kooloo-LimPAH!! These are the magic words Tingle created himself. Don't steal them! ~ '''Tingle'''
* Haven't you begun to understand? The kingdom being ruined and us left in this state... Isn't it petty, little battles like this that have caused it? ~ '''Igos du Ikana'''
* Believing in your friends and embracing that belief by forgiving failure. These feelings have vanished from our hearts. ~ '''Igos du Ikana'''
* The thousand years of raindrops summoned by my song are my tears. The thunder that strikes the earth is my anger! ~ '''Flat's Tombstone'''
* Foolish Monkey! ~ '''Deku King'''
* In the land of Hyrule, there echoes a legend. A legend held dearly by the Royal Family tells of a boy... A boy who, after  battling evil and saving Hyrule, crept away from the land that made him a legend... Done with the battles he once waged across time, he embarked on a journey. A secret and personal journey... A journey in search of a beloved and invaluable friend... A friend with whom he parted ways when he finally fulfilled his heroic destiny and took his place among legends... ~ '''Prologue'''
* You are already leaving this land of '''Hyrule''', aren't you? Even though it was only a short time, I feel like I've known you forever. I'll never forget the days we spent together in Hyrule... And I believe in my heart that a day will come when I shall meet you again... Until that day comes, please... Take this... ''(she holds out the Ocarina of Time)'' I am praying... I am praying that your journey be a safe one... If something should happen to you, remember this song... ''(she plays the Song of Time, Link repeats the Song of Time)'' ~ '''Princess Zelda''' 
* (While Link is being hugged by Cremia) You feel all warm and fuzzy inside! Sigh... You could get used to this! ~ '''Narrator'''
* Bah! Bother! I'm busy! ~ '''Gorman'''
* Why could a…? Why could a…? Why could a man join?!? That's 'Cause a man is an animal, too, my boy! They were all great. But there was one thing I didn't like about it… Why was the…? Why was the…? Why was the dog the leader?!? Was it cause some thing was, wrong with me sir??? Oh. That dog was an amazing leader! He always had a stellar troupe no matter what animals he had to work with… So that's why I… That's why I… That's why I stole it. The dogs mask. I stole it. I wanted it because it was the leaders mask… But I no longer need it… I give it to my guest. ~ '''Guru-Guru, the Traveling Musician'''
* As you can see, all of our customers have taken refuge. It may be my undoing, but I'm the sort of fellow who'll stay at his business through thick and thin. And I continue standing here at the counter hoping one of my favorite customers will appear... And I wasn't wrong. See? You stopped in. ~ '''Mr. Barten'''
* Actually... I know... We're not safe here, either... I'm no expert on these things, but that's the feeling I get. But... That's how life goes, I guess. There are some things in life that you can't change no matter how hard you try... ~ '''Cremia'''
* You who do not fear the dead, learn well the song that is inscribed behind me... And if you ever meet my brother, I'd like you to inform him... The thousand years of raindrops summoned by my song are my tears. The lightning that strikes the earth is my anger! ~ '''Flat (3DS version)'''
* To Myself, &lt;br /&gt;You have been doing a great job delivering the mail.&lt;br /&gt; I have a request for my hard-working self. All of the townsfolk have taken refuge. I want myself to flee, too. Even if it is not written on the schedule, I want myself to flee. Please...&lt;br /&gt; - From Me ~ '''Postman’s letter on his bed on the Night of the 3rd day.'''
* You are doing a great job. Ka-ching! Some item other than a letter has been deposited. Ka-ching! Nice work. Ka-ching! ~ '''Postbox'''
* Ooh, ooh! What a pretty ocarina... Hey, Skull Kid, lemme touch it! I wanna see! ~ '''Tael'''
* ...Aww. But, Sis... W...why can't I try it out, too? ~ '''Tael'''
* Sis!!! ~ '''Tael'''
* Swamp. Ocean. Mountain. Canyon. Hurry... The four who are there... Bring them here... ~ '''Tael'''
* Oh, yeah...and, um... The Bombers Secret Society of Justice forever! ~ '''Bombers Secret Society of Justice Hideout Guard'''
* Waah...Henh, uwaaaaah... Daaaaaddy, daaaddy...H-hunh... I'm coold, Daaaddy! ~ '''Chief Goron's Son'''
* K'iinam tòok òol (head will ache and burn) ~ '''Odolwa'''
* Tòokik taali (come burn) ~ '''Odolwa'''
* A'alik beora (dance now) ~ '''Odolwa'''
* Ppp-paper! PLEASE!~ '''???'''

== External links ==
[[Category:2000 video games]]
[[Category:The Legend of Zelda video games]]
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[[Category:Apocalyptic video games]]
[[Category:Video games about shapeshifting]]</text>
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    <title>Anna Akhmatova</title>
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        <username>UDScott</username>
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      <comment>−[[Category:Women from Ukraine]]; +[[Category:Women authors from Russia]]; ±[[Category:Women authors]]→[[Category:Women authors from Ukraine]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]]</comment>
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      <text bytes="40807" sha1="jc0bsa7z6swtx1lpmtk05vu6489q6qw" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Kuzma Petrov-Vodkin. Portrait of Anna Akhmatova. 1922.jpg|thumb|right|I stand as witness to the common lot, &lt;br&gt; survivor of that time, that place.]]
[[File:Akhmatova by Altman.jpeg|thumb|right|O let the organ, many-voiced, sing boldly, &lt;br&gt; O let it roar like spring's first thunderstorm!]]
[[File:Olga kardovskaya portret ahmatovoy 1914 szh 16.jpg|thumb|right|I go forth to seek — &lt;br&gt; To seek and claim the lovely magic garden &lt;br&gt; Where grasses softly sigh and Muses speak.]]
'''[[w:Anna Andreevna Gorenko|Anna Andreevna Gorenko]]''' [А́нна Андре́евна Горе́нко] ([[23 June]] {11 June [[w:Old Style and New Style dates|O.S.]]} [[1889]] - [[5 March]] [[1966]]) was a Russian poet, known primarily by her pen name '''Anna Akhmatova''' [А́нна Ахма́това]. Her work was condemned and censored by Soviet authorities and she notably chose not to emigrate, but remained in Russia, acting as witness to the difficulties of living and writing in the shadow of [[w:Stalinism|Stalinism]].

== Quotes ==
[[File:Anna Akhmatova 1913-1914 by Savely Sorin.jpg|thumb|right|I will never come back to you.]]
[[File:Ахматова_Н.Гумилев_Л.Гумилев.jpg|thumb|right|I don't know if you're alive or dead.]]
[[File:1989 CPA PC 189.jpg|thumb|right|Why is this century worse than those others?]]
[[File:Cloud-to-ground lightning2 - NOAA.jpg|thumb|right|You will hear thunder and remember me, &lt;br&gt; And think: she wanted storms.]]

:&lt;small&gt;There have been numerous translations of Akhmatova's poems into English, with some variation in the titles of poems or their sections. The date of publication of her later works is often many years or decades after their composition. &lt;/small&gt;

* '''O let the organ, many-voiced, sing boldly, &lt;br&gt; O let it roar like spring's first thunderstorm!''' &lt;br&gt; My half-closed eyes over your young bride's shoulder &lt;br&gt; Will meet your eyes just once and then no more.
** Translated by Irina Zheleznova

* '''I go forth to seek — &lt;br&gt; To seek and claim the lovely magic garden &lt;br&gt; Where grasses softly sigh and Muses speak.'''
** Translated by Irina Zheleznova

* You thought I was that type: &lt;br&gt; That you could forget me, &lt;br&gt; And that I'd plead and weep &lt;br&gt; And throw myself under the hooves of a bay mare...
** &quot;You Thought I Was That Type&quot;

* '''Damn you! I will not grant your cursed soul &lt;br&gt; Vicarious tears or a single glance.''' &lt;br&gt; And I swear to you by the garden of the angels, &lt;br&gt; I swear by the miracle-working icon, &lt;br&gt; And by the fire and smoke of our nights: &lt;br&gt; I will never come back to you.
** &quot;You Thought I Was That Type&quot;

* '''I don't know if you're alive or dead.''' &lt;br&gt; Can you on earth be sought, &lt;br&gt; Or only when the sunsets fade &lt;br&gt; Be mourned serenely in my thought? 
** &quot;I Don't Know If You're Alive Or Dead&quot; (1915)

* '''No-one was more cherished, no-one tortured &lt;br&gt; Me more, not &lt;br&gt; Even the one who betrayed me to torture, &lt;br&gt; Not even the one who caressed me and forgot.'''
** &quot;I Don't Know If You're Alive Or Dead&quot; (1915)

* '''Why is this century worse than those others?''' &lt;br&gt; Maybe, because, in sadness and alarm, &lt;br&gt; It only touched the blackest of the ulcers, &lt;br&gt; But couldn't heal it in its span of time.
** &quot;Why is this century worse than those others?&quot; (1919), translated by Yevgeny Bonver (2000)

* All has been looted, betrayed, sold; &lt;br&gt; black death's wing flashed ahead.
** &quot;Looted&quot; (1921), as translated by Dmitri Obolensky

* '''You will hear thunder and remember me, &lt;br&gt; And think: she wanted storms. The rim &lt;br&gt; Of the sky will be the colour of hard crimson, &lt;br&gt; And your heart, as it was then, will be on fire.'''
** &quot;You will hear thunder and remember me...&quot;, translated by [[w:D. M. Thomas|D. M. Thomas]]
** There will be thunder then. Remember me. &lt;br&gt; Say 'She asked for storms.' The entire &lt;br&gt; world will turn the colour of crimson stone, &lt;br&gt; and your heart, as then, will turn to fire.
*** &quot;Thunder,&quot; translated by A.S.Kline

* That day in Moscow, it will all come true, &lt;br&gt; when, for the last time, I take my leave, &lt;br&gt; And hasten to the heights that I have longed for, &lt;br&gt; Leaving my shadow still to be with you.
** &quot;You will hear thunder and remember me...&quot;, translated by D. M. Thomas
** That day, in Moscow, a true prophecy, &lt;br&gt; when for the last time I say goodbye, &lt;br&gt; soaring to the heavens that I longed to see, &lt;br&gt; leaving my shadow here in the sky.
*** &quot;Thunder,&quot; translated by A.S.Kline

* A multi-colored crowd streaked about, &lt;br&gt; and suddenly all was totally changed. &lt;br&gt; It wasn't the usual city racket. &lt;br&gt; It came from a strange land.
** &quot;The First Long Range Artillery Fire On Leningrad,&quot; [http://users.tellurian.net/wisewomensweb/OnPrgudc.html translation by Daniela Gioseffi (1993)]

* Natural thunder heralds the wetness of fresh water &lt;br&gt; high clouds &lt;br&gt; to quench the thirst of fields gone dry and parched, &lt;br&gt; a messenger of blessed rain, &lt;br&gt; but this was as dry as hell must be. &lt;br&gt; My distraught perception refused &lt;br&gt; to believe it, because of the insane &lt;br&gt; suddenness with which it sounded, swelled and hit, &lt;br&gt; and how casually it came &lt;br&gt; to murder my child.
** &quot;The First Long Range Artillery Fire On Leningrad,&quot; translated by Daniela Gioseffi (1993)


* Give me bitter years of sickness, &lt;br&gt; Suffocation, insomnia, fever, &lt;br&gt; Take my child and my lover, &lt;br&gt; And my mysterious gift of song — &lt;br&gt; This I pray at your liturgy &lt;br&gt; After so many tormented days, &lt;br&gt; So that the stormcloud over darkened Russia &lt;br&gt; Might become a cloud of glorious rays.
** &quot;Prayer,&quot; translated by Judith Hemschemeyer in ''Complete Poems of Anna Akhmatova'' (1989)

* '''Now no one will listen to songs. &lt;br&gt; The prophesied days have begun.''' &lt;br&gt; Latest poem of mine, the world has lost its &lt;br&gt; wonder, &lt;br&gt; Don't break my heart, don't ring out.
** &quot;Now no one will listen to songs...&quot; from ''Plantain'' (1921), translated by Richard McKane

* '''I am not one of those who left the land &lt;br&gt; to the mercy of its enemies. &lt;br&gt; Their flattery leaves me cold, &lt;br&gt; my songs are not for them to praise.'''
** I am not one of those who left the land...&quot; (1922), translated in ''Poems of Akhmatova'' (1973) by [[w:Stanley Kunitz|Stanley Kunitz]] and Max Hayward

[[File:Hope in a Prison of Despair.jpg|thumb|right|A new epoch has begun. You and I will wait for it together.]]
* But here, in the murk of conflagration, &lt;br&gt; where scarcely a friend is left to know &lt;br&gt; we, the survivors, do not flinch &lt;br&gt; from anything, not from a single blow. &lt;br&gt; '''Surely the reckoning will be made &lt;br&gt; after the passing of this cloud. &lt;br&gt; We are the people without tears, &lt;br&gt; straighter than you … more proud...'''
** I am not one of those who left the land...&quot; (1922), translated in ''Poems of Akhmatova'' (1973) by [[w:Stanley Kunitz|Stanley Kunitz]] and Max Hayward

* '''Sweet to me was not the voice of man, &lt;br&gt; But the wind's voice was understood by me.''' &lt;br&gt; The burdocks and the nettles fed my soul, &lt;br&gt; But I loved the silver willow best of all.
** &quot;Willow&quot; (1940)

* '''Each of our lives is a Shakespearean drama raised to the thousandth degree.''' Mute separations, mute black, bloody events in every family. Invisible mourning worn by mothers and wives. Now the arrested are returning, and two Russias stare each other in the eyes: the ones that put them in prison and the ones who were put in prison. '''A new epoch has begun. You and I will wait for it together.'''
** Remarks to her friend [[w:Lydia Chukovskaya|Lydia Chukovskaya]] (March 1956), as quoted in ''Joseph Stalin : A Biographical Companion'' (1999) by Helen Rappaport, p. 2

* The sand as white &lt;br&gt; as old bones, the pine trees &lt;br&gt; strangely red where the sun comes down. &lt;br&gt; I cannot say if it is our love, &lt;br&gt; or the day, that is ending.
** Departures (1964), translated by [http://web.archive.org/20041217155724/members.tripod.com/~Cuanach/anna.html Michael Cuanach]

===In Memory of M. B. ===

:&lt;small&gt; A poem dedictated to [[Mikhail Bulgakov]] - [http://allpoetry.com/poem/8507171-In_Memory_Of_M._B.-by-Anna_Akhmatova Full text online] : From ''Poems of Akhmatova'' (1973), translated and introduced by [[w:Stanley Kunitz|Stanley Kunitz]] with Max Hayward&lt;/small&gt;

* '''You lived aloof, maintaining to the end &lt;br&gt; your magnificent disdain.'''

* '''Now you're gone, and nobody says a word &lt;br&gt; about your troubled and exalted life.''' &lt;br&gt; Only my voice, like a flute, will mourn &lt;br&gt; at your dumb funeral feast.

* Oh, who would have dared believe that half-crazed I, &lt;br&gt; I, sick with grief for the buried past, &lt;br&gt; I, smoldering on a slow fire, &lt;br&gt; having lost everything and forgotten all, &lt;br&gt; would be fated to commemorate a man &lt;br&gt; so full of strength and will and bright inventions, &lt;br&gt; who only yesterday it seems, chatted with me, &lt;br&gt; hiding the tremor of his mortal pain.

[[File:Sodoma (89393948).jpg|thumb|right|Who will grieve for this woman? Does she not seem too insignificant for our concern? Yet in my heart I never will deny her, who suffered death because she chose to turn.]]

=== Lot's Wife ===
[[File:MountSodom061607.jpg|thumb|right|In my heart she will not be forgot &lt;br&gt; Who, for a single glance, gave up her life.]]
:&lt;small&gt;A poem on the biblical account of [[w:Lot's wife|Lot's wife]] - [http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/15867 Full text online] : From ''Poems of Akhmatova'' (1973) translated and introduced by [[w:Stanley Kunitz|Stanley Kunitz]] with Max Hayward&lt;/small&gt;

* And the just man trailed God's shining agent, &lt;br&gt; over a black mountain, in his giant track, &lt;br&gt; while a restless voice kept harrying his woman: &lt;br&gt; &quot;It's not too late, you can still look back &lt;br&gt; at the red towers of your native Sodom, &lt;br&gt; the square where once you sang, the spinning-shed, &lt;br&gt; at the empty windows set in the tall house &lt;br&gt; where sons and daughters blessed your marriage-bed.&quot;
** The just man followed then his angel guide &lt;br&gt; Where he strode on the black highway, hulking and bright; &lt;br&gt; But a wild grief in his wife's bosom cried, &lt;br&gt; Look back, it is not too late for a last sight &lt;br&gt; Of the red towers of your native Sodom, the square &lt;br&gt; Where once you sang, the gardens you shall mourn, &lt;br&gt; And the tall house with empty windows where &lt;br&gt; You loved your husband and your babes were born.
*** Translator unknown

* '''Who will grieve for this woman? Does she not seem &lt;br&gt; too insignificant for our concern? &lt;br&gt; Yet in my heart I never will deny her, &lt;br&gt; who suffered death because she chose to turn.'''
** Who'll mourn her as one of Lot's family members? &lt;br&gt; Doesn't she seem the smallest of losses to us? &lt;br&gt; But deep in my heart I will always remember &lt;br&gt; One who gave her life up for one single glance.
*** Translated by Tanya Karshtedt (1996)
** A loss, but who still mourns the breath &lt;br&gt; of one woman, or laments one wife? &lt;br&gt; Though my heart never can forget, &lt;br&gt; how, for one look, she gave up her life.
*** Translated by A.S.Kline
** Who would waste tears upon her? Is she not &lt;br&gt; The least of our losses, this unhappy wife? &lt;br&gt; '''Yet in my heart she will not be forgot &lt;br&gt; Who, for a single glance, gave up her life.'''
*** Translator unknown

=== Thinking Of The Sun (1911) ===
:&lt;small&gt;[http://web.archive.org/20041217155724/members.tripod.com/~Cuanach/anna.html As translated by Michael Cuanach]&lt;/small&gt;
[[File:Iced-tree-limbs-in-sun.jpg|thumb|right| Thinking of the sun causes quick &lt;br&gt; beating of my heart …]]
[[File:Winterstimmung.jpg|thumb|right|What darkness! &lt;br&gt; From this night winter begins.]]

* Thinking of the sun causes quick &lt;br&gt; beating of my heart — &lt;br&gt; snowy weather comes on the wind &lt;br&gt; lightly drifting.

* The silvery tree opens &lt;br&gt; to an empty sky — &lt;br&gt; maybe it is better &lt;br&gt; that I am not your husband.
**Variant translations: 
** The willow in the empty sky&lt;br /&gt;spread her transparent fan&lt;br /&gt;perhaps it were better&lt;br /&gt;that I not be&lt;br /&gt;your wife.
*** &quot;Memory of the Sun&quot; (alternate translation by Paula Goodman)

* Thinking of the sun makes &lt;br&gt; my heart beat faster — too fast! &lt;br&gt; What darkness! &lt;br&gt; From this night winter begins.
**Variant translations: 
** Memory of sun fades in my heart&lt;br /&gt; What is this? Darkness? Maybe! —&lt;br /&gt;During the night comes&lt;br /&gt;winter.
*** &quot;Memory of the Sun&quot; (alternate translation by Paula Goodman)

===The Guest (1914) ===
[[File:Modigliani78.jpg|thumb|right|I know: his delight &lt;br&gt; Is the tense and passionate knowledge &lt;br&gt; That he needs nothing, &lt;br&gt; That I can refuse him nothing.]]
:&lt;small&gt;[http://www.ualberta.ca/~lmalcolm/poetry/anna.html Full text online]: Translated by Carl R. Proffer. From ''The Silver Age of Russian Culture'' (1975), edited by Carl Poffer and Ellendea Proffer &lt;!-- p. 251 --&gt; &lt;/small&gt;

* All as before: against the dining-room windows &lt;br&gt; Beats the scattered windswept snow, &lt;br&gt; And I have not changed either, &lt;br&gt; But a man came to me. &lt;br&gt; I asked: &quot;What do you want?&quot; &lt;br&gt; He replied: &quot;To be with you in Hell.&quot; &lt;br&gt; I laughed: &quot;Oh, you'll foredoom &lt;br&gt; Us both to disaster.&quot;

* But lifting his dry hand &lt;br&gt; He lightly touched the flowers: &lt;br&gt; &quot;Tell me how men kiss you, &lt;br&gt; Tell me how you kiss men.&quot;

* Not a single muscle quivered &lt;br&gt; On his radiantly evil face. &lt;br&gt; Oh, I know: his delight &lt;br&gt; Is the tense and passionate knowledge &lt;br&gt; That he needs nothing, &lt;br&gt; That I can refuse him nothing.

=== As a White Stone... (1916) ===
:&lt;small&gt;Translated by Yevgeny Bonver (August 2000) [http://www.poetryloverspage.com/poets/akhmatova/akhmatova_ind.html Full text online]&lt;/small&gt;
[[File:Orvieto Pozzo San Patrizio 5.JPG|thumb|right| As a white stone in the well's cool deepness, &lt;br&gt; There lays in me one wonderful remembrance.]]

* &lt;p&gt;'''As a white stone in the well's cool deepness, &lt;br&gt; There lays in me one wonderful remembrance. &lt;br&gt; I am not able and don't want to miss this: &lt;br&gt; It is my torture and my utter gladness.''' &lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt; I think, that he whose look will be directed &lt;br&gt; Into my eyes, at once will see it whole.&lt;/p&gt;

* I knew: the gods turned once, in their madness, &lt;br&gt; Men into things, not killing humane senses. &lt;br&gt; '''You've been turned in to my reminiscences &lt;br&gt; To make eternal the unearthly sadness.'''

=== Red Winged Birds (1917) ===
:&lt;small&gt;[http://web.archive.org/20041217155724/members.tripod.com/~Cuanach/anna.html As translated by Michael Cuanach]&lt;/small&gt;
[[File:Redwing on rock by Bruce McAdam.jpg|thumb|right|I do not need your loving words &lt;br&gt; or hurried kiss &lt;br&gt; as night comes down &lt;br&gt; in the place where we once lived &lt;br&gt; innocent as children, &lt;br&gt; and happier.]]

* I hear always the sad voices &lt;br&gt; of summer &lt;br&gt; passing like red winged birds &lt;br&gt; over the high grass

* I do not need your loving words &lt;br&gt; or hurried kiss &lt;br&gt; as night comes down &lt;br&gt; in the place where we once lived &lt;br&gt; innocent as children, &lt;br&gt; and happier.

=== ''White Flock'' (1917) ===
[[File:Chulkov Petrovykh Akhmatova Mandelstam.jpg|thumb|right|We aged a hundred years, and this &lt;br&gt; happened in a single hour,]]
[[File:Sweden Kiruna 1.jpg|thumb|right|When we started losing one after the other &lt;br&gt; so each day became &lt;br&gt; remembrance day, &lt;br&gt; we started composing poems &lt;br&gt; about God's great generosity &lt;br&gt; and — our former riches.]]
* '''We aged a hundred years, and this &lt;br&gt; happened in a single hour''': &lt;br&gt; the short summer had already died, &lt;br&gt; the body of the ploughed plains smoked.
** &quot;In Memoriam, July 19, 1914&quot;

* '''We thought: we're poor, we have nothing, &lt;br&gt; but when we started losing one after the other &lt;br&gt; so each day became &lt;br&gt; remembrance day, &lt;br&gt; we started composing poems &lt;br&gt; about God's great generosity &lt;br&gt; and — our former riches.'''
** &quot;We thought: we're poor&quot;
** '''We thought we were beggars, we thought we had nothing at all &lt;br&gt; But then when we started to lose one thing after another, &lt;br&gt; Each day became &lt;br&gt; A memorial day - &lt;br&gt; And then we made songs &lt;br&gt; Of great divine generosity &lt;br&gt; And of our former riches.'''
*** Translated by Ilya Shambat (2001)

=== &quot;This Cruel Age has deflected me...&quot; (1944) ===
[[File:Collage_Auge_im_Himmel_byLöser.jpg|thumb|right|The grave I go to will not be my own.]]
:&lt;small&gt;Translated in ''Poems of Akhmatova'' (1973) by [[w:Stanley Kunitz|Stanley Kunitz]] and Max Hayward&lt;/small&gt;

* '''This cruel age has deflected me, &lt;br&gt; like a river from this course.''' &lt;br&gt; Strayed from its familiar shores, &lt;br&gt; my changeling life has flowed &lt;br&gt; into a sister channel. &lt;br&gt; '''How many spectacles I've missed: &lt;br&gt; the curtain rising without me, &lt;br&gt; and falling too. How many friends &lt;br&gt; I never had the chance to meet.'''

* '''I know beginnings, I know endings too, &lt;br&gt; and life-in-death, and something else &lt;br&gt; I'd rather not recall just now.'''

* '''The grave I go to will not be my own.''' &lt;br&gt; But if I could step outside myself &lt;br&gt; and contemplate the person that I am, &lt;br&gt; I should know at last what envy is.

=== Poem without a Hero (1963) ===
[[File:El Greco - Allegory, Boy Lighting Candle in Company of Ape and Fool (Fábula).JPG|thumb|right|I have lit my treasured candles, &lt;br&gt; one by one, to hallow this night.]]
:&lt;small&gt;Translated in ''Poems of Akhmatova'' (1973) by [[w:Stanley Kunitz|Stanley Kunitz]] and Max Hayward&lt;/small&gt;
[[File:Unknown French Master - Allegory of the Vanity of Earthly Things.JPG|thumb|right|I am that shadow on the threshold &lt;br&gt; defending my remnant peace.]]

[[File:This morning we caught a rainbow.jpg|thumb|right|He is no better and no worse, &lt;br&gt; but he is free of Lethe's curse: &lt;br&gt; his warm hand makes a human pledge. ]]
[[File:Aqua120.JPG|thumb|right|From childhood I have been afraid &lt;br&gt; of mummers. …]]
[[File:Oak of Mamre circa 1900 colored photo.jpeg|thumb|right|You are as old as [[w:Oak of Mamre|the Mamre oak]], &lt;br&gt; ancient interrogator of the moon…]]
[[File:Double-alaskan-rainbow.jpg|thumb|right|What have poets, in any case, to do with sin? &lt;br&gt; They must dance before the [[w:Ark of the Covenant|Ark of the Covenant]] &lt;br&gt; or die!]]
[[File:JUL_Iris_Soul_Palm.png|thumb|right|There is no death, each of us knows — &lt;br&gt; it's banal to say. &lt;br&gt; I'll leave it to others to explain.]]

* '''I have lit my treasured candles, &lt;br&gt; one by one, to hallow this night.''' &lt;br&gt; With you, who do not come, &lt;br&gt; I wait the birth of the year. &lt;br&gt; Dear God! &lt;br&gt; the flame has drowned in crystal, &lt;br&gt; and the wine, like poison, burns &lt;br&gt; Old malice bites the air, &lt;br&gt; old ravings rave again, &lt;br&gt; though the hour has not yet struck.

* Dread. Bottomless dread... &lt;br&gt; '''I am that shadow on the threshold &lt;br&gt; defending my remnant peace.'''

* Let the gossip roll! &lt;br&gt; What to me are Hamlet's garters, &lt;br&gt; or the whirlwind of Salome's dance, &lt;br&gt; or the tread of the Man in the Iron Mask? &lt;br&gt; '''I am more iron than they.'''

* Prince Charming, prince of the mockers — &lt;br&gt; compared with him the foulest of sinners &lt;br&gt; is grace incarnate...

* That woman I once was, &lt;br&gt; in a black agate necklace, &lt;br&gt; I do not wish to meet again &lt;br&gt; till the Day of Judgement.

* '''Are the last days near, perhaps? &lt;br&gt; I have forgotten your lessons, &lt;br&gt; prattlers and false prophets, &lt;br&gt; but you haven't forgotten me.''' &lt;br&gt; As the future ripens in the past, &lt;br&gt; so the past rots in the future — &lt;br&gt; a terrible festival of dead leaves.

* ''All the mirrors on the wall &lt;br&gt; show a man not yet appeared &lt;br&gt; who could not enter this white hall. &lt;br&gt; '''He is no better and no worse, &lt;br&gt; but he is free of Lethe's curse: &lt;br&gt; his warm hand makes a human pledge.''' &lt;br&gt; Strayed from the future, can it be &lt;br&gt; that he will really come to me, &lt;br&gt; turning left from the bridge?''

* '''From childhood I have been afraid &lt;br&gt; of mummers. It always seemed &lt;br&gt; an extra shadow &lt;br&gt; without face or name &lt;br&gt; had slipped among them...'''

* You... &lt;br&gt; you are as old as [[w:Oak of Mamre|the Mamre oak]], &lt;br&gt; ancient interrogator of the moon, &lt;br&gt; whose feigned groans cannot take us in. &lt;br&gt; '''You write laws of iron.'''

* Creature of special tastes, &lt;br&gt; you do not wait for gout and fame &lt;br&gt; to elevate you &lt;br&gt; to a luxurious jubilee chair, &lt;br&gt; but bear your triumph &lt;br&gt; over the flowering heather, &lt;br&gt; over wildernesses. &lt;br&gt; And you are guilty of nothing: neither of this, &lt;br&gt; that, nor anything..

* Besides &lt;br&gt; '''what have poets, in any case, to do with sin? &lt;br&gt; They must dance before the [[w:Ark of the Covenant|Ark of the Covenant]] &lt;br&gt; or die!''' But what am I trying to say?

* In the black sky no star is seen, &lt;br&gt; somewhere in ambush lurks the [[w:Angel of Death|Angel of Death]], &lt;br&gt; but the spices tongues of the masqueraders &lt;br&gt; are loose and shameless &lt;br&gt; A shout: &lt;br&gt; &quot;Make way for the hero!&quot; &lt;br&gt; Ah yes. Displacing the tall one, &lt;br&gt; he will step forth now without fail &lt;br&gt; and sing to us about holy vengeance...

* '''There is no death, each of us knows — &lt;br&gt; it's banal to say. &lt;br&gt; I'll leave it to others to explain.'''

* Is this the visitor from the wrong side &lt;br&gt; of the mirror? Or the shape &lt;br&gt; that suddenly flitted past my window? &lt;br&gt; Is it the new moon playing tricks, &lt;br&gt; or is someone really standing there again &lt;br&gt; between the stove and the cupboard?

* This means that gravestones are fragile &lt;br&gt; and granite is softer than wax. &lt;br&gt; Absurd, absurd, absurd! '''From such absurdity &lt;br&gt; I shall soon turn gray &lt;br&gt; or change into another person. &lt;br&gt; Why do you beckon me with your hand?''' &lt;br&gt; For one moment of peace &lt;br&gt; I would give the peace of the tomb.

=== ''Requiem; 1935-1940'' (1963; 1987)===
[[File:THEraven.jpg|thumb|right|No foreign sky protected me, &lt;br&gt; no stranger's wing shielded my face.]]
:&lt;small&gt;Written over many years, this work was first published in 1963, but not in complete form until 1987. The base translation used here is that of [[w:Stanley Kunitz|Stanley Kunitz]] and Max Hayward, with variant translations used as noted. &lt;/small&gt;

* '''No foreign sky protected me, &lt;br&gt; no stranger's wing shielded my face. &lt;br&gt; I stand as witness to the common lot, &lt;br&gt; survivor of that time, that place.''' &lt;br&gt; — 1961
** Translated in ''Poems of Akhmatova'' (1973) by [[w:Stanley Kunitz|Stanley Kunitz]] and Max Hayward
** No, not under a foreign heavenly-cope, and &lt;br&gt; Not canopied by foreign wings &lt;br&gt; I was with my people in those hours, &lt;br&gt; There where, unhappily, my people were.
*** Translated by [[w:D. M. Thomas|D. M. Thomas]]
** No, not under the vault of another sky, &lt;br&gt; not under the shelter of other wings. &lt;br&gt; I was with my people then, &lt;br&gt; there where my people were doomed to be.
*** Translator unknown.

==== Instead of a Preface ====
* Such grief might make the mountain stoop, reverse the waters where they flow, but cannot burst these ponderous bolts that block us from the prison cells crowded with mortal woe...
* In the terrible years of the Yezhov terror, I spent seventeen months in the prison lines of Leningrad. Once, someone &quot;recognized&quot; me. Then a woman with bluish lips standing behind me, who, of course, had never heard me called by name before, woke up from the stupor to which everyone had succumbed and whispered in my ear (everyone spoke in whispers there):&lt;br /&gt;&quot;Can you describe this?&quot;&lt;br /&gt;And I answered: &quot;Yes, I can.&quot;&lt;br /&gt;Then something that looked like a smile passed over what had once been her face.
** Leningrad, 1 April 1957

==== Dedication ====
* '''Such grief might make the mountain stoop, &lt;br&gt; reverse the waters where they flow, &lt;br&gt; but cannot burst these ponderous bolts &lt;br&gt; that block us from the prison cells &lt;br&gt; crowded with mortal woe...'''
** The mountains bow before this anguish, &lt;br&gt; The great river does not flow. &lt;br&gt; In mortal sadness the convicts languish; &lt;br&gt; The bolts stay frozen.
*** Translated by D. M. Thomas

* For some the wind can fleshly blow, &lt;br&gt; for some the sunlight fade at ease, &lt;br&gt; but we, made partners in our dread, &lt;br&gt; hear but the grating of the keys, &lt;br&gt; and heavy-booted soldiers' tread. &lt;br&gt; As if for early mass, we rose &lt;br&gt; and each day walked the wilderness, &lt;br&gt; trudging through silent street and square, &lt;br&gt; to congregate, less live than dead.

* Where are they now, my nameless friends &lt;br&gt; from those two years I spent in hell? &lt;br&gt; What specters mock them now, amid &lt;br&gt; the fury of Siberian snows, &lt;br&gt; or in the blighted circle of the moon? &lt;br&gt; To them I cry, Hail and Farewell! &lt;br&gt; — March 1940

====Prologue====
* '''That was a time when only the dead &lt;br&gt; could smile, delivered from their wars, &lt;br&gt; and the sign, the soul, of Leningrad &lt;br&gt; dangled outside its prison-house...'''
** As translated by [[w:Stanley Kunitz|Stanley Kunitz]]
** In those years only the dead smiled, &lt;br&gt; Glad to be at rest: &lt;br&gt; And Leningrad city swayed like &lt;br&gt; A needless appendix to its prisons.
*** Translated by [[w:D. M. Thomas|D. M. Thomas]]

* The stars of death stood over us. &lt;br&gt; And Russia, guiltless, beloved, writhed &lt;br&gt; under the crunch of bloodstained boots, &lt;br&gt; under the wheels of Black Marias.
** Stars of death stood &lt;br&gt; Above us, and innocent Russia &lt;br&gt; Writhed under bloodstained boots, and &lt;br&gt; Under the tyres of Black Marias.
*** Translated by D. M. Thomas

* At dawn they came and took you away. &lt;br&gt; You were my dead: I walked behind. &lt;br&gt; In the dark room children cried, &lt;br&gt; the holy candle gasped for air.
** They led you away... &lt;br&gt; They took you away at daybreak. Half wak- &lt;br&gt; ing, as though at a wake, I followed. &lt;br&gt; In the dark chamber children were crying, &lt;br&gt; In the image-case, candlelight guttered. &lt;br&gt; At your lips, the chill of icon, &lt;br&gt; A deathly sweat at your brow. &lt;br&gt; I shall go creep to our walling wall, &lt;br&gt; Crawl to the Kremlin towers.
*** Translated by D. M. Thomas

* This woman is sick to her marrow-bone, &lt;br&gt; this woman is utterly alone, &lt;br&gt; with husband dead, with son away &lt;br&gt; in jail. Pray for me. Pray.

* Not, not mine: it's somebody else's wound. &lt;br&gt; I could never have borne it. So take the thing &lt;br&gt; that happened, hide it, stick it in the ground. &lt;br&gt; Whisk the lamps away... &lt;br&gt; Night.
** '''No, it is not I, it is else who is suffering. &lt;br&gt; I could not have borne it.''' And this thing, which has happened &lt;br&gt; Let them cover it with black cloths, &lt;br&gt; And take away the lanterns... &lt;br&gt; Night.
*** Translated by D. M. Thomas

* For seventeen months I have cried aloud &lt;br&gt; calling you back to your lair. &lt;br&gt; I hurled myself at the hangman's foot. &lt;br&gt; You are my son, changed into nightmare. &lt;br&gt; Confusion occupies the world, &lt;br&gt; and I am powerless to tell &lt;br&gt; somebody brute from something human, &lt;br&gt; or on what day the word spells, &quot;Kill!&quot;

==== The Sentence ====
[[File:Pierre-Cécile Puvis de Chavannes 007.jpg|thumb|right|I was prepared, &lt;br&gt; am somehow ready for the test.]]
[[File:Saint-Beauzire esperance NB.jpg|thumb|right|Today I have so much to do: &lt;br&gt; I must kill memory once and for all, &lt;br&gt; I must turn my soul to stone, &lt;br&gt; I must learn to live again…]]

* The word dropped like a stone &lt;br&gt; on my still living breast. &lt;br&gt; Confess: '''I was prepared, &lt;br&gt; am somehow ready for the test.'''
** As translated by [[w:Stanley Kunitz|Stanley Kunitz]]
** Then fell the word of stone on &lt;br&gt; My still existing, still heaving breast. &lt;br&gt; Never mind, I was not unprepared, and &lt;br&gt; Shall manage to adjust to it somehow. 
*** Translated by [[w:D. M. Thomas|D. M. Thomas]]
** And the stone word fell &lt;br&gt; On my still-living breast. &lt;br&gt; Never mind, I was ready. &lt;br&gt; I will manage somehow.
*** [http://www.favoritepoem.org/poems/akhmatova/ Translated by Judith Hemschemeyer] from ''Complete Poems of Anna Akhmatova'' (1989)

* '''Today I have so much to do: &lt;br&gt; I must kill memory once and for all, &lt;br&gt; I must turn my soul to stone, &lt;br&gt; I must learn to live again— &lt;br&gt; Unless ...''' Summer's ardent rustling &lt;br&gt; Is like a festival outside my window.
** Translated by Judith Hemschemeyer from ''Complete Poems of Anna Akhmatova'' (1989)

==== To Death ====
* You will come in any case — so why not now? &lt;br&gt; How long I wait and wait. The bad times fall. &lt;br&gt; I have put out the light and opened the door &lt;br&gt; for you, because you are simple and magical. &lt;br&gt; Assume, then, any form that suits your wish, &lt;br&gt; take aim, and blast at me with poisoned shot, &lt;br&gt; or strangle me like an efficient mugger, &lt;br&gt; or else infect me — typhus be my lot —

* It's all the same to me. The Yenisei swirls, &lt;br&gt; the North Star shines, as it will shine forever; &lt;br&gt; and the blue lustre of my loved one's eyes &lt;br&gt; is clouded over by the final horror. &lt;br&gt; — The House on the Fontanka, 19 August 1939

==== 9 ====
* Already madness lifts its wing &lt;br&gt; to cover half my soul.

* Now everything is clear. &lt;br&gt; I admit my defeat. The tongue &lt;br&gt; of my ravings in my ear &lt;br&gt; is the tongue of a stranger.

* No use to fall down on my knees &lt;br&gt; and beg for mercy's sake. &lt;br&gt; '''Nothing I counted mine, out of my life, &lt;br&gt; is mine to take...'''

==== Crucifixion ====
:&lt;small&gt;Also translated as &quot;Crucifix&quot; &lt;/small&gt;
[[File:Anna Ahmatova's grave.jpg|thumb|right|...and if a gag should bind my tortured mouth, &lt;br&gt; through which a hundred million people shout, &lt;br&gt; then let them pray for me, as I do pray &lt;br&gt; for them, this eve of my remembrance day.]]

* A choir of angels glorified the hour, &lt;br&gt; the vault of heaven was dissolved in fire. &lt;br&gt; &quot;Father, why hast Thou forsaken me? &lt;br&gt; Mother, I beg you, do not weep for me...&quot;
** This greatest hour was hallowed and thundered &lt;br&gt; By angel's choirs; fire melted sky. &lt;br&gt; He asked his Father:&quot;Why am I abandoned...?&quot; &lt;br&gt; And told his Mother: &quot;Mother, do not cry...&quot;
*** [http://www.poetryloverspage.com/poets/akhmatova/akhmatova_ind.html Translated by Tanya Karshtedt (1996)]

* Mary Magdalene beat her breasts and sobbed, &lt;br&gt; His dear disciple, stone-faced, stared. &lt;br&gt; His mother stood apart. No other looked &lt;br&gt; into her secret eyes. Nobody dared. &lt;br&gt; — 1940-1943
** Magdalena struggled, cried and moaned. &lt;br&gt; Piter sank into the stone trance... &lt;br&gt; Only there, where Mother stood alone, &lt;br&gt; None has dared cast a single glance.
*** [http://www.poetryloverspage.com/poets/akhmatova/akhmatova_ind.html Translated by Tanya Karshtedt (1996)]
** Mary Magdalene beat her breast and sobbed, &lt;br&gt; The beloved disciple turned to stone, &lt;br&gt; But where the silent Mother stood, there &lt;br&gt; No one glanced and no one would have dared.
*** Translated by Judith Hemschemeyer

==== Epilogue ====
* I have learned how faces fall to bone, &lt;br&gt; how under the eyelids terror lurks, &lt;br&gt; how suffering inscribes on cheeks &lt;br&gt; the hard lines of its cuneiform texts, &lt;br&gt; how glossy black or ash-fair locks &lt;br&gt; turn overnight to tarnished silver, &lt;br&gt; how smiles fade on submissive lips, &lt;br&gt; and fear quavers in a dry titter. &lt;br&gt; '''And I pray not for myself alone.. &lt;br&gt; for all who stood outside the jail, &lt;br&gt; in bitter cold or summer's blaze, &lt;br&gt; with me under that blind red wall.'''

* &lt;/p&gt;I've woven them a garment that's prepared &lt;br&gt; out of poor words, those that I overheard, &lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt; and will hold fast to every word and glance &lt;br&gt; all of my days, even in new mischance, &lt;br&gt; '''and if a gag should bind my tortured mouth, &lt;br&gt; through which a hundred million people shout, &lt;br&gt; then let them pray for me, as I do pray &lt;br&gt; for them, this eve of my remembrance day.'''&lt;/p&gt;
** I should like to call you all by name, &lt;br&gt; But they have lost the lists... &lt;br&gt; I have, woven fore them a great shroud &lt;br&gt; Out of the poor words I overheard them speak. &lt;br&gt; I remember them always and everywhere, &lt;br&gt; And if they shut my tormented mouth, &lt;br&gt; Through which a hundred million of my people cry, &lt;br&gt; Let them remember me also...
*** Translated by [[w:D. M. Thomas|D. M. Thomas]]

== Quotes about Akhmatova ==
[[File:Akhmatova memoir in Odessa.JPG|thumb|right| The importance of Akhmatova's works in the Russian poetic tradition can scarcely be exaggerated. ~ Olga P. Hasty]]
[[File:Одеса 094.jpg|thumb|right|Akhmatova's is a &quot;poetry of witness&quot; that defends the individual against all forms of coercion. ~ M.L. Raina]]

*From the works of [[Primo Levi]] to the recipes of imagined foods found in the concentration camps of Terezin to the brave poetry of [[Anna Akhmatova]] written during the Stalinist era, we are forced to acknowledge the power of [[poetry]] to name the unspeakable-to enter and to illuminate the secret corridor of horrors.
**[[Marjorie Agosín]] ''Invisible Dreamer'' (2002)

*I think the first discovery I made for myself which I didn't necessarily share with my family or my friends, but came upon myself, was Russian literature. I've always felt very much enthralled to writers like Dostoevsky, especially, and Chekhov. In later years, modern Russian poets like Pasternak and Mandelstam and Akhmatova have meant a great deal to me. Poetry more than prose.
**[[Anita Desai]] In Interviews with Writers of the Post-Colonial World edited by Feroza Jussawalla and Reed Way Dasenbrock (1992)

* '''The importance of Akhmatova's works in the Russian poetic tradition can scarcely be exaggerated.''' These works also hold a place of honor in the history of artistic engagement of moral responsibility.
** Olga P. Hasty, Princeton University

* '''Anna Andreevna Akhmatova used poetry to give voice to the struggles and deepest yearnings of the Russian people, for whom she remains the greatest of literary heroines.''' She has lately come to symbolize for the world even beyond Russia the power of art to survive and transcend the terrors of our century.
** Judith Hemschemeyer in ''A Stranger to Heaven and Earth'' (1993)

*Akhmatova never ceased to be astonished at the resurrection of poetry once trampled underfoot, wiped out, it had seemed, once and for all. &quot;We never realized that poetry has such a long life,&quot; she was always saying, and &quot;poetry isn't what we thought it was when we were young&quot;...I never ceased to believe in M.'s and [[Akhmatova]]'s poetry. In our depersonalized world where everything human was silenced, only the [[poet]] preserved his &quot;self&quot; and a voice which can still be heard even now.
**[[Nadezhda Mandelstam]] ''Hope Abandoned'' (1974) Translated from the Russian by Max Hayward 

*Akhmatova introduced all the enormous complexity and wealth of the nineteenth century novel into the Russian lyric. If not for [[Tolstoi]]'s Anna Karenina, [[Turgenev]]'s Nest of Gentlefolk (Dvorianskoe gnezdo), all of [[Dostoevsky and even some [[Leskov]], there would be no Akhmatova. Akhmatova's genesis lies entirely in the realm of Russian prose, not in poetry. She developed her poignant and unique poetic form with a backward glance at psychological prose.
**[[Osip Mandelstam]] A LETTER ABOUT RUSSIAN POETRY translated into English in ''The complete critical prose'' (1997)

* Akhmatova was neither a woman poet in the narrow militant feminist sense in which the term is understood today, nor just a poet of Russia alone.... Her poetic involvements went beyond the domesticated lyricism of conventional feminine poetry and embraced larger questions of political and social inequity. Though essentially a poet of &quot;the keening muse&quot;, as [[Joseph Brodsky]] described her, Akhmatova rose above personal sorrows (too numerous to relate here) to create a disciplined yet many-layered work of haunting reverberation. … '''Akhmatova's is a &quot;poetry of witness&quot; that defends the individual against all forms of coercion.''' Such poetry does not go into &quot;holes of oblivion&quot; as [[Hannah Arendt]] would put it, but nags our guilt of connivance with tyrants like [[Adolf Hitler|Hitler]] or [[Joseph Stalin|Stalin]]. It invokes religious symbolism to reinforce the language of extremity and to compensate for the fragmentation of social vision caused by the turmoil of the times. … '''The poetry of witness draws upon what Akhmatova calls &quot;the invisible ink&quot; of others to strengthen its claims to authenticity, not as a substitute for ones tattered memories but as a reminder that others have gone down the same path as oneself.'''
** M.L. Raina in [http://www.tribuneindia.com/2004/20040418/herworld.htm#1 &quot;The poet as witness&quot; in ''The Tribune'' (India) (18 April 2004)]

* '''One of the great Russian poets and a national heroine, Anna Akhmatova (née Gorenko) is not venerated outside Russia as a major poetic voice of the twentieth century.''' She seemed born to endure the great tragedy in her life and indeed was one of [[Joseph Stalin|Stalin]]'s most long-suffering literary victims. Her tremendous will to survive, in her self-appointed role as witness of the [[w:Great Purge|Great Terror]], testifies to huge inner reserves of moral strength that sustained her through years of extreme poverty and isolation, to ultimately become a latter-day nemesis of the dark days of Stalinism. … Her individualism survived the early days of foment in Soviet literature, when literary experimentation was for a short while tolerated, but her work was soon looked upon as insufficiently socialist in its concerns and was suppressed as &quot;bourgeois&quot; after the publication of her collection ''Anno Domini MCMXXI'' in 1922. It was the appearance of this work that prompted the eminent Soviet literary critic [[w: Boris Eikhenbaum|Boris Eichenbaum]] to famously deride Akhmatova as &quot;'''half nun, half harlot'''&quot; (an epithet later reprised by [[w: Andrei Zhdanov|Andrey Zhdanov]] in the campaign against Akhmatova in the 1940s).
** Helen Rappaport, in ''Joseph Stalin : A Biographical Companion'' (1999), p. 1

*I remembered a poem about queues by Anna Akhmatova-who unlike many of her peers, had survived the Gulag. Well, sort of: &quot;In the terrible years of the Yezhov terror, I spent seventeen months in the prison lines of Leningrad. Once, someone &quot;recognized&quot; me. Then a woman with bluish lips standing behind me, who, of course, had never heard me called by name before, woke up from the stupor to which everybody had succumbed and whispered in my ear (everyone spoke in whispers there): &quot;Can you describe this?&quot; And I answered: &quot;Yes, I can.&quot; Then something that looked like a smile passed over what had once been her face.&quot; Akhmatova, her first husband [[Nikolay Gumilyov]], [[Osip Mandelstam]], and three other poets were part of Acmeism, a poets' guild. In 1921, Gumilyov was shot by a firing squad for counterrevolutionary activity. Mandelstam was arrested in 1934 for writing an ode to Stalin that showed signs of satire and was not convincing enough in its praise.&quot;
**[[Arundhati Roy]] Things that Can and Cannot Be Said (2016)

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}
* [http://www.kirjasto.sci.fi/aakhma.htm Brief biography at Kirjasto (Pegasos)] 
*[http://www.jazzkeyboard.com/jill/akhmatova/index.html Anna Akhmatova Page]
* [http://www.odessit.com/namegal/english/ahmatova.htm Brief biography at OdessaWeb]
* [http://www.poets.org/poet.php/prmPID/1 Brief biography at the Academy of American Poets]
* [http://stpetersburg-guide.com/people/akhmatova.shtml Brief biography at St. Petersburg guide]
* [http://www.uvm.edu/%7Esgutman/Akhmatova.htm Akhmatova: brief biography, Requiem audio presentation, links]
* [http://homepage.ntlworld.com/dmitrismirnov/EF100_Requiem.html &quot;Requiem&quot; (dual language presentation; translation by )]
* [http://www.bezumiye.com/requiem.htm &quot;Requiem&quot; as translated by Judith Hemschemeyer ]
* [http://www.bezumiye.com/poems.html Selected poems as translated by D. M. Thomas]
* [http://www.tonykline.co.uk/PITBR/Various/Tendakhmatova.htm Selected poems as translated by A. S. Kline] 
* [http://www.learningrussian.com/library/akhmatova/index.htm Dual-language selections]
* [http://web.archive.org/20080523154328/www.geocities.com/ilya_shambat2005/akhmatova.htm ''White Flock'', translated by Ilya Shambat]
* [http://www.allspirit.co.uk/anna.html Selected Poems at Allspirit]
*[http://www.poetseers.org/the_great_poets/fe/eu/aa Selected Poems at ''Poetseers'']
* [http://www.poetryloverspage.com/poets/akhmatova/akhmatova_ind.html Selected Poems at ''Poetry Lovers'']
* [http://www.friends-partners.org/friends/literature/20century/akhmatova2.html Selected poems at Friends &amp; Partners]
* [http://www.tribuneindia.com/2004/20040418/herworld.htm#1 &quot;The poet as witness&quot; by M.L. Raina] at ''The Tribune'' [India] (18 April 2004)
* [http://www.usc.edu/dept/las/sll/eng/ess/obv99.htm &quot;The Obverse of Stalinism: Akhmatova's self-serving charisma of selflessness&quot; by Alexander Zholkovsky]
* [http://www.usc.edu/dept/las/sll/eng/review/reed3.htm &quot;Anna Akhmatova: Scripts, Not Scriptures&quot; by Alexander Zholkovsky]

{{DEFAULTSORT:Akhmatova, Anna}}
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[[Category:Poets from Russia]]
[[Category:Translators from Russia]]
[[Category:Historians from Russia]]
[[Category:Women authors from Ukraine]]
[[Category:People from Odesa]]
[[Category:Women born in the 1880s]]
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      <text bytes="31845" sha1="no5bccrwj2oilqfa38904z5exvmvnh1" xml:space="preserve">{{for|other films in this series|Austin Powers (film series)}}
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'''''[[w:Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me|Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me]]''''' is a [[w:1999 in film|1999 film]] in which Dr. Evil is back...and has invented a new time machine that allows him to go back to the 60's and steal Austin Powers's mojo, inadvertently leaving him &quot;shagless&quot;. 
:''Directed by [[w:Jay Roach|Jay Roach]]. Written by [[w:Mike Myers (actor)|Mike Myers]] and [[w:Michael McCullers|Michael McCullers]].''
{{center|'''First he fought for the Crown. Now he's fighting for the family jewels!''' [[#Taglines|taglines]]}}

== Dialogue ==
:''[First lines; the text is rendered in the manner of a &quot;Star Wars&quot; opening crawl]''
:'''Narrator''': Austin Powers, International Man of Mystery, was frozen in 1967 and defrosted in the Nineties to battle his nemesis, Dr. Evil. After foiling his archenemy's plan to send a nuclear warhead to the center of the earth, Austin banished Dr. Evil to the cold recesses of space and settled down with his new wife, Vanessa, to live happily ever after. Or so he thought...
:''[camera scrolls through a flying astronaut and a rocket ship]''
:'''Astronaut''': [''voice only, in helmet''] Houston, this is Condor. We are doing an EVA of the payload, we are about Presenting with Module with... [''he sees a giant Big Boy statue in space from the first film''] What the... oh, my Gentle Jesus! Houston, we have a problem!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Each time Austin pushes a button on the remote, Vanessa motions according to the button pushed]''
:'''Austin''': Vanessa, what's going on? ''[pushes the play button]''
:'''Vanessa''': ''[walks up to him in normal speed]'' I don't know what you mean, Austin. I'm the same Vane- ''[her sentence is muted when Austin pushes the mute button; he pushes the same button again]'' You must be- ''[Austin pushes the SAP button; in Spanish]'' -Tu imaginación está jugando con ti, querido.
:'''Austin''': ''[in the state of shock]'' OH, MY GOD! ''[Vanessa strangles him by the neck; he rips her face off and sees the face of a machine in its place]'' Vanessa! You're a fembot!
:'''Vanessa''': No shit, Sherlock! ''[throws Austin aside and releases machine guns from her breasts]''
:'''Austin''': Machine gun jubblies? How did I miss those, baby?
:'''Vanessa''': Perhaps next time you should try foreplay.
:'''Austin''': Right. ''[to himself]'' Oh, my God!
:''[&quot;Vanessa&quot; shoots her machine guns at Austin for 20 seconds, and stops firing as Austin waves a white flag to surrender]''
:'''Dr. Evil's voice''': Here's your wedding present, Mr. Powers. A kamikaze bride from me: Dr. Evil. ''[countdown reaches zero; &quot;Vanessa's&quot; head explodes, destroying bits of the hotel room]''
:'''Austin''': ''[unharmed, checks to see if his crotch is intact]'' Oh, thank God. ''[picks up &quot;Vanessa&quot;'s robotic left hand with the wedding ring on it; to the camera]'' I can't believe Vanessa, my bride, my one true love, the woman who taught me the beauty of monogamy, was a fembot all along. ''[realizes]'' Wait a tick. ''[smiles]'' That means I'm single again! Oh behave! ''[laughs as he claps his hand with the robotic hand before tossing it away]'' Yeah!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[At the Jerry Springer show, Dr. Evil sits beside Scott]''
:'''Dr. Evil''': Hello, Scott. Daddy's back.
:'''Scott''': ''[incredulously]'' How could you do this to me?! On national television?!
:'''Dr. Evil''': Well, throw me a frickin' bone here, Scott.
:'''Scott''': Why'd you run out on me?
:'''Dr. Evil''': Because you're not quite evil enough. ''[audience starts groaning]'' Well, it's true. ''[to Scott]'' You're quasi-evil. You're semi-evil. You're the margarine of evil. You're the [[w:Diet Coke|Diet Coke]] of evil. Just 1 calorie. Not evil enough.
:'''White-Hooded &quot;KKK&quot; Man''': What are you, some kinda freak?!
:'''Scott''': ''[stands up]'' Shut up, you ''[bleep]''er!
:'''Dr. Evil''': Okay, come on!
:'''Hooded &quot;KKK&quot; Man''': ''[stands up, too]'' I'll kick your ''[bleep]'', punk!
:'''Scott''': Bring it on, you skanky ''[bleep]''!
:'''Dr. Evil''': No one talks to my son like that. It's okay, Scott. ''[to the hooded man]'' You mother''[bleep]''ing piece of ''[bleep]''! ''[stands up and attacks the hooded man. The audience goes wild, as well as numerous bleeps, Jerry's bodyguards try to stop the fight]'' You were born in your mother's ''[bleep]'', you ''[bleep]''!
:'''Audience''': ''[chanting]'' Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Austin''': ''[answering a video call while driving]'' Hello, Basil.
:'''Basil''': Hello, Austin. How was your honeymoon?
:'''Austin''': It turns out that Vanessa was a fembot.
:'''Basil''': Yes. We knew all along, sadly. ''[then, without pausing for a moment]'' Anyway, I have a new assignment for you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Austin''': Who are you, baby?
:'''Ivana''': Ivana. Ivana Humpalot.
:'''Austin''': Excuse me?
:'''Ivana''': Ivana Humpalot.
:'''Austin''': And I vanna toilet made out of solid gold, but its just not in the cards now, is it? ''[laughs]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Austin''': ''[shooting photos]'' Okay, you're an animal! Yes, there we go. You're a tiger! You're Tony the Tiger! You're grrreat! Very good. Loving it. Now you're a lemur. Running as a pack. We go left. We go right. There's a predator out of the jungle. What's going on? Burrow! That's right, you're a lemur. That's all you've got. You don't have sharp teeth capable of biting. Make an interconnected series of tunnels like the Viet Cong. And look. I'm not even shooting you. It's crazy. And I'm spent. ''[gives away a camera]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ivana''': Do you know how we keep warm in Russia?
:'''Austin''': I can guess, baby.
:'''Ivana''': We play chess.
:'''Austin''': I guessed wrong.
:'''Ivana''': It takes a keen intellect to play chess, Mr. Powers. I assume you know how to play.
:'''Austin''': Of course, baby.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dr. Evil''': Frau Farbissina, ''Wie geht es Ihnen?'' ''[Translation: How are you?]''
:'''Frau''': ''Sehr gut, Herr Doctor.'' ''[Very good, Doctor.]''
:'''Dr. Evil''': How are things?
:'''Frau''': I have come to embrace the love that dare not speak its name. To my right is my lover. ''[reveals said female]'' We met at the LPGA Tour. Her name is Unibrau.
:'''Dr. Evil''': Right on. Welcome, Unibrau. 
:'''Frau''': ''[looks at the coffee cream on Dr. Evil's nose]'' Dr. Evil, you, uh- ''[points to the nose]''
:'''Dr. Evil''': What? What?   
:'''Frau''': You've got a little milk...nose...mustache.
:'''Dr. Evil''': ''[looks at himself in his mirror]'' I know. I know. I meant to. ''[wipes his nose]'' That's how we drink it in Belgium. It's called a Belgian Dip. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Number Two''': Why not use your knowledge of the future to play the stock market? We could make trillions.
:'''Dr. Evil''': Why make trillions when we could make... ''[zoom up, play evil sound bite, and pause]'' Billions? ''[grins]''
:'''Scott''': A trillion is more than a billion, numb-nuts.
:'''Dr. Evil''': All right. Zip it.
:'''Scott''': You - You can't even-
:'''Dr. Evil''': Zip it! Zip.
:'''Scott''': Look, all I'm-
:'''Dr. Evil''': Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, ex-zip-it A.
:'''Scott''': Number Two, would you please back me up?
:'''Dr. Evil''': Look! I'm &quot;Zippy&quot; Longstocking!
:'''Scott''': Ugh. I can't-
:'''Dr. Evil''': ''[to the tune of Devo's &quot;Whip It&quot;]'' When a problem comes along, you must zip it! ''[imitates whip]'' Zip it good!
:'''Scott''': Frau, would you please-?
:'''Dr. Evil''': ''[speaks Japanese]'' Damare. ''[Subtitle: &quot;Zip it&quot;.]''
:'''Scott''': I'm just trying to-
:'''Dr. Evil''': Zip! Would you like to have a suckle of my &quot;zipple&quot;?
:'''Scott''': I want-
:'''Dr. Evil''': Sh!
:'''Scott''': Stop. ''[Dr. Evil speaks gibberish]'' All you- ''[Dr. Evil speaks more gibberish]'' You- ''[again]'' You're like a child! ''[again]'' Talkin'- ''[again]'' If you just- ''[again]'' Just- ''[again]'' One time-
:'''Dr. Evil''': Zip it. Unveil the Time Portal.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dr. Evil''': As you know, Austin Powers was frozen in 1967. Therefore, I will travel to 1969, two years after he was frozen. He'll be helpless. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm about to travel through time. I bid you adieu. ''[running up a ramp, he hits the Time Portal and rolls back down; getting to his feet]'' I'm okay. I'm okay. Okay. Not turned on, I suppose.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Austin''': Let me ask you a question. And be honest. Do I make you horny, baby? Do I? Do I make you randy?
:'''Ivana''': ''[gets up from the table]'' No more games. Dr. Evil sent me here to kill you, but I find you so... ''[pause]'' sexy! Just make love to me. Now, Austin Powervich! Hurry! ''[Austin rips his shirt open]'' Oh, you are hairy like animal!
:'''Austin''': Grr, baby! Very grr!
:'''Ivana''': Make love to me, monkey man!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Fat Bastard visits the frozen Austin Powers in 1969, and uses the tube to steal Austin's mojo. While Austin is making love with Ivana in 1999, he sits up in full shock]''
:'''Ivana''': Austin? What's wrong?
:'''Austin''': Crickey! I lost my mojo!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Austin''': ''[about to travel back to 1969]'' Wait a tick. Basil, if I travel back to 1969, and I was frozen in 1967, presumably, I could go visit my frozen self. But, if I'm still frozen in 1967, how could I have been unthawed in the 90's and traveled back to... ''[cross-eyed]'' Oh, no. I've gone cross-eyed.
:'''Basil''': I suggest you don't worry about this sort of thing, and just enjoy yourself. ''[to the home audience]'' That goes for you all, too.
:'''Austin''': ''[to the home audience]'' Yes.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Swallows''': My name is Robin Swallows.
:'''Austin''': Swallows. That's an interesting name.
:'''Swallows''': Maiden name's Spitz.
:'''Austin''': Well, which is it, baby? Spitz or Swallows?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Felicity''': Austin Powers, I presume.
:'''Austin''': Powers by name, powers by reputation.
:'''Felicity''': Felicity Shagwell, CIA. Shagwell by name, shag-very-well by reputation.
:'''Austin''': Oh, be-have.
:'''Felicity''': Not if I can help it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Swallows''': Prepare to die, Powers! Use the machine gun! ''[her accomplice fires a machine gun, and Austin uses her as a human shield until it clicks empty]'' Say goodbye, Powers! ''[he drops her to the floor]'' Use the bazooka!
:''[Her accomplice raises a bazooka]''
:'''Austin''': No! No! ''[uses Robin as a shield again]''
:''[The force knocks them out of a window from Austin's pad]''
:'''Swallows''': The fall will kill us both, Powers! ''[Austin moves her in front of him to break his fall; they land hard on the sidewalk; still alive]'' You can't win, Powers.
:''[O'Brien looks over the edge, reloads his machine gun, and opens fire]''
:'''Austin''': Why won't you die?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Austin''': Who sent you?!
:'''Mustafa''': You'll have to kill me.
:'''Austin''': Who sent you?!
:'''Mustafa''': Kiss my ass, Powers!
:'''Austin''': Who sent you?!
:'''Mustafa''': Dr. Evil!
:'''Felicity''': That was easy.
:'''Austin''': That ''was'' easy.
:'''Felicity''': Why did you tell us?
:'''Mustafa''': I can't stand to be asked the same question 3 times. It just irritates me.
:'''Austin''': Where is Dr. Evil hiding?
:'''Mustafa''': Why would he tell me? I'm just one of his low-level functionaries.
:'''Austin''': Where is Dr. Evil hiding?
:'''Mustafa''': You'll have to torture me. I'll never tell you.
:'''Austin''': ''[quickly]'' Where's Dr. Evil hiding?!
:'''Mustafa''': Damn! 3 times! He's hiding in the secret volcano lair.
:'''Austin''': Where's Dr. Evil's secret volcano lair?
:'''Mustafa''': ''[spits]'' I spit at the question.
:'''Austin''': Do I really have to ask you 2 more times?
:'''Mustafa''': Go to hell, Powers.
:'''Austin''': Fine. ''[slowly]'' Where is Dr. Evil's secret...volcano...lair?
:'''Mustafa''': I will take it to the grave with me.
:'''Felicity''': Aha! You have to answer. He asked you 3 times.
:'''Mustafa''': No, no, no! No. The second question was: &quot;Do I really have to ask you 2 more times?&quot;. So that would be the first question in a new line of questioning, and wouldn't count in the ''other'' line of questioning.
:'''Austin''': He's right.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Austin''': ''[as Mini-Me shoots a tranquilizer dart onto Mustafa's neck]'' If you're preaching to the converted, then why are you being so slavish to the three question form? It's my question. You're not even looking at me, man. You're just being rude, you know that? You're not listening, man.
:''[Mustafa screams, falls off the edge of a cliff]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Austin''': Those are skin tight. How do you get into those pants, baby? 
:'''Felicity''': You can start by buying me a drink.
:''[Austin wheezes heavily]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Basil''': ''[in the video call]'' Hello, Agent Shagwell. Where's Austin?
:'''Felicity''': I must have said something wrong, so he just left all of a sudden.
:'''Basil''': Listen, Felicity, I don't want you getting too close to Austin. It's not meant to be.
:'''Felicity''': I don't get too close to anybody, Basil. My interest in this case is purely professional.
:'''Basil''': Good. Then you won't mind tracking down Fat Bastard tonight.
:'''Felicity''': No problem.
:'''Basil''': We need you to plant this homing device on him by any means necessary.
:'''Felicity''': No problem.
:'''Basil''': Keep up the good work. Remember, by any means necessary.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Austin''': ''[visiting his frozen past self]'' Look at yourself. You used to be so virile. You were a swinger, man. And now you're nothing. But at least it can't get any worse.
:''[Cuts to Felicity and Fat Bastard in bed]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fat Bastard''': Would you like some chicken? I've got more.
:'''Felicity''': No, thanks.
:''[Fat Bastard rolls over to get more food at the side of his bed; Felicity takes a homing device out of her purse and notices an opening in his rear end]''
:'''Basil''': ''[voiceover, via Felicity's memory]'' Remember, by any means necessary.
:''[Felicity nervously sticks it in his behind]''
:'''Fat Bastard''': OOH! Frisky are we? Give it up! ''[rolls on top of her]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Frau''': You know I will never love another man.
:'''Dr. Evil''': Well, yes. That's true.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Young Basil''': Hello, everybody!
:'''Austin''': Hello, Basil!
:'''Young Basil''': The results are in. We've discovered trace elements of a rare vegetable found only on one island, here, in the Caribbean.
:'''Austin''': Whoop-de-doo! What does it all mean, Basil?
:'''Young Basil''': It means that this is the location of Dr. Evil's lair!
:'''Austin''': Smashing, Basil. ''[sniffs his &quot;coffee&quot;, then frowns]'' Cor! This coffee smells like shit!
:'''Young Basil''': ''[looks at Fat Bastard's stool sample, from which Austin has inadvertently poured into his mug]'' It ''is'' shit, Austin.
:'''Austin''': Oh, good. Then it's not just me. ''[drinks the sample and smacks his lips]'' It's a bit nutty.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dr. Evil''': ''[about his new &quot;laser&quot;]'' You see, I've turned the moon into what I like to call a &quot;Death Star&quot;. ''[Scott snickers]'' What?
:'''Scott''': Oh, nothin', Darth.
:'''Dr. Evil''': What did you call me?
:'''Scott''':  Oh, nothin'. ''[sneezes]'' Rip-off!
:'''Dr. Evil''': Bless you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dr. Evil''': The key to this project is the giant laser, which was invented by the noted Cambridge physicist, Dr. Parsons. Therefore, we shall call it: &quot;The Alan Parsons Project&quot;.
:'''Scott''': ''[snickers]'' &quot;Oh my god&quot;.
:'''Dr. Evil''': What now?
:'''Scott''': The Alan Parsons Project is a progressive rock band in 1982. Why don't you just call it Operation Wang Chung, ass?
:'''Dr. Evil''': What...what should we...
:'''Scott''': Nothing! I'm sure Operation Bananarama will be huge!
:'''Dr. Evil''': What're you saying?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Austin''': ''[looks through binoculars around neck]'' Dr. Evil's headquarters is just over that next ridge.
:'''Felicity''': Let me look. ''[pulls binoculars, with Austin, across]''
:'''Austin''': AAAGH!
:'''Felicity''': Damn it! ''[pulls binoculars down]'' How do we get in?
:'''Austin''': ''[stuck in Felicity's chest]'' Hello, Mummy. Mummy, can I have some chocolate? I want some Mars bars!
:'''Felicity''': Austin?
:'''Austin''': Don't smack my bottom, mummy!
:'''Felicity''': Austin?
:'''Austin''': ''[pulls himself up]'' Sorry, love. I got stuck in your dirty pillows.
:'''Felicity''': Let's look at the map. ''[drags Austin by the binoculars and heads into the tent]''
:'''Austin''': Oh, God!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dr. Evil''': Mr. President, allow me to demonstrate the awesome lethality of the Alan Parsons Project. Fire the laser! ''[shows a clip of a UFO from ''[[w:Independence Day (1996 film)|Independence Day]]'' blowing up the White House]''
:'''President''': ''[freaks out and ducks under the desk]'' Damage report! Damage report!
:''[The staff realizes that everything is safe]''
:'''General''': It's okay. It's all right. Come on.
:'''Dr. Evil''': Well, actually, that was just footage from the movie ''Independence Day'', but the real laser would be a lot like that. Yeah. Scary.
:'''General''': Ahem! Now, Dr. Evil...
:'''Dr. Evil''': ''[interrupts him]'' Talk to the hand 'cause the face don't want to hear it anymore.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Austin''': According to this map, the entire island is crawling with Dr. Evil's guards.
:'''Felicity''': I want to make sure the explosives didn't get wet, but I can't find them.
:'''Austin''': Look in the bottom.
:'''Felicity''': Okay, I'll dig a little deeper. ''[from the view outside their tent, their silhouettes make it look like she's removing items from his rear end]'' Wow, this bag is really full.
:'''Austin''': Just keep digging, darling.
:'''Felicity''': I'll just feel around for them. ''[taking a rope out of the bag]'' Good Lord, Austin. What sort of things do you keep in here?
:'''Austin''': Oh, anything that catches my fancy, you know. Give it a good tug.
:'''Felicity''': ''[taking out an umbrella]'' Oh, do we really need this?
:'''Austin''': I'll ask you not to open that inside, thank you very much. Okay.
:'''Felicity''': Sorry.
:'''Private Army Soldier''': ''[in disgust]'' Oh, my God.
:'''Felicity''': ''[something gaseous goes off]'' Oops, it went off.
:'''Austin''': Yes, it does that from time to time.
:'''Felicity''': ''[coughing from the contents of a smoke bomb]'' Ugh.
:'''Austin''': Yes.
:'''Felicity''': Yuck.
:'''Austin''': Yeah, that's nasty. Yeah, sorry about that.
:'''Felicity''': ''[trying to waft away the odor]'' Smelly.
:'''Private Army Soldier''': ''[in disgust]'' Oh, these people make me sick.
:'''Austin''': Can you snap me a beer? ''[Felicity opens one and takes a drink, then shrieks]'' What is it?
:'''Felicity''': It's a gerbil. How did that get in your bag?
:'''Austin''': I...I don't know.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''General''': Sir, are you suggesting that we blow up the moon?
:'''President''': Would you miss it? ''[to the other generals]'' Would you miss it?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Johnson''': ''[notices Dr. Evil's spaceship on radar]'' Colonel, you better take a look at this radar.
:'''Colonel''': What is it, son?
:'''Johnson''': I don't know, sir, but it looks like a giant-
:''[Cut to the sky in two jets]''
:'''Jet Pilot''': Dick!
:'''Dick''': Yeah?
:'''Jet Pilot''': Take a look outta starboard.
:'''Dick''': Oh, my God! It looks like a huge-
:''[Cut to the forest with two birdwatchers]''
:'''British Bird-Watching Woman''': Pecker!
:'''British Bird-Watching Man''': ''[raises his binoculars]'' Oh, where?
:'''British Bird-Watching Woman''': Wait, that's not a woodpecker. It looks like someone's-
:''[Cut to boot camp]''
:'''Army Sergeant''': PRIVATES! We have reports of an unidentified flying object! It is a long, smooth shaft, complete with-
:''[Cut to the baseball game]''
:'''Umpire''': Two balls! ''[looks up from game]'' What is that? That looks just like an enormous-
:''[Cut to Chinese school]''
:'''Teacher''': Wang! Pay attention!
:'''Wang''': I was distracted by that enormous flying-
:''[Cut to a concert with [[w:Willie Nelson|Willie Nelson]] and another guitarist]''
:'''Musician''': Willie.
:'''Willie Nelson''': Yeah?
:'''Musician''': What's that?
:'''Willie Nelson''': ''[looks up]'' Well, it looks like a giant-
:''[Cut back to headquarters]''
:'''Colonel''': Johnson!
:'''Johnson''': Yes, sir!
:'''Colonel''': Get on the horn to British Intelligence and let them know about this!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Felicity''': I'm sorry. I just did what I thought you would do in the same situation. You're the reason I became a spy. I thought that I wanted to be you, but then I realized that...I want to be with you.
:'''Austin''': ''[softens, realizing she's right]'' You do?
:'''Felicity''': ''[smiles]'' Yeah. ''[Austin smiles in relief, and leaps to the safer side next to her]'' We need to get past that one inept guard.
:'''Austin''': Right, here's the plan. What if I pretend to be desperately ill with food poisoning? The guard, drawn by my cries of pain, comes to investigate. Meanwhile, you dig a pit, line it with makeshift Punji sticks made from sharpened toothbrushes. The guard falls in, Bob's your uncle, we escape. What do you think?
:'''Felicity''': That might work, but what about this? ''[unhooking the front of her top; to the guard]'' What do you think of these, my man? ''[exposes her breasts]'' 
:'''Guard''': Mommy! ''[rushes forward and plunges to his death in hot magma]'' 
:'''Austin''': What a...&quot;burn?&quot;  ''[laughs]''  That sort of thing could get a man...&quot;fired?&quot; ''[laughs]'' I think he was...&quot;hot&quot;...for...you. ''[laughs]'' 
:'''Felicity''': That's enough.
:'''Austin''': Yeah.
:''[They leave]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dr. Evil''': ''[tries to move the spinning chair, but it's stuck numerous times]'' Okay. Alright. All I asked for was a frickin' rotating chair, okay?! Whoa, okay, okay, okay, getting a little afraid. I need an old priest and a young priest. The power of Christ compels you! The power of Christ compels you! ''[finally stops]'' Whoa, hello! Okay, sick as a dog now. Okay. Gonna vomit...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Austin had ejected Mini-Me into space]''
:'''Austin''': ''[solemnly]'' Poor little bugger. ''[salutes]'' I salute you. ''[goes to find Dr. Evil]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Austin arrives at the helm]''
:'''Dr. Evil''': Well, looks like you have a choice, Mr. Powers. Save the world, ''[rotates the gas chamber]'' or save your girlfriend.
:'''Felicity''': ''[reveals to be in the gas chamber]'' Austin!
:'''Austin''': ''[shocked]'' Felicity!
:'''Felicity''': Don't worry about me, Austin! You've got to save the world!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After Austin prevents the laser from shooting the Earth, Felicity passes out in the gas chamber and dies]''
:'''Dr. Evil''': You may have won the battle, Mr. Powers, but you lost the war!
:'''Austin''': ''[horrified]'' NO! No! No!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Austin chases Dr. Evil who is wearing a space suit with helmet. He shoots and hits Dr. Evil in his thigh]'' 
:'''Austin''': Gotcha! 
:'''Dr. Evil''': ''[sits up and switches on his speaker unit]'' Ow! You shot me, you a-hole! ''[switches off his speaker unit]'' 
:'''Austin''': And now I'm going to kill you!
:'''Dr.Evil''': ''[switches on his speaker unit]''  Before you do that - Ow! ''[stands up and switches to deep voice]'' Know this. ''[pause]'' Austin. ''[heavy, [[Darth Vader]] style breathing/voice]'' I am your father.
:'''Austin''': Really?
:'''Dr. Evil''': ''[switches to normal voice]'' No, not really. I can't back that up.
:'''Austin''': Right. Idiot. Yes.
:'''Dr. Evil''': But isn't it interesting, Mr. Powers, that you would rather kill me than save your precious Felicity?
:'''Austin''': What do you mean?
:'''Dr. Evil''': Remember, there's a Time Portal in the main chamber. You can go back and save her.
:'''Austin''': I'll do that. ''[Dr. Evil laughs evilly, and Frau shoots him, but misses; he drops his gun and runs off]'' Felicity!
:''[Dr. Evil, with his speaker off, mouths &quot;Good work.&quot; to Frau, who doesn't hear him. Dr. Evil yells &quot;Good...work!&quot; to Frau, and is barely heard. Frau still doesn't hear him]''
:'''Dr. Evil''': ''[turns back on his speaker, loudly]'' GOOD WORK! ''[faints; glass breaks]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Austin races back to the helm and finds the Time Portal. He sets to 10 minutes and enters the portal. Cut to 10 minutes earlier, Austin appears from the Time Portal, just as his past self enters the helm]''
:'''Dr. Evil''': Well, looks like you have a choice, Mr. Powers. Save the world, ''[rotates the gas chamber]'' or save your girlfriend.
:'''Felicity''': ''[reveals to be in the gas chamber]'' Austin!
:'''Past Austin''': ''[shocked]'' Felicity!
:''[Austin races up to his past self]''
:'''Felicity''': Don't worry about me, Austin! You've got to save the world!
:'''Austin''': ''[arrives]'' I choose love, baby.
:''[Everyone is shocked]''
:'''Past Austin''': Wait a tick. Who are you?
:'''Austin''': I'm you ten minutes from now.
:'''Past Austin''': Damn it. You are handsome, baby, yeah!
:'''Austin''': ''[laughs]'' I was just thinking the same.
:'''Past Austin''': We are sexy!
:'''Austin''': We are sexy bitches, yes!
:'''Dr. Evil''': Alright, this is re-goddamn-diculous. Kill them both!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Dr. Evil's moon base is set to self-destruct]''
:'''Felicity''': We have to go. We have to go now.
:'''Austin''': My mojo! I'm useless without it.
:'''Felicity''': But you don't need it. You've had it all along.
:'''Austin''': What do you mean?
:'''Felicity''': You defeated Dr. Evil, you saved the world, and believe me, you're gonna get the girl.
:'''Austin''': ''[grins]'' Well!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Felicity''': I want to see what happens in the 70s and 80s.
:'''Austin''': The 70s and the 80s? You're not missing anything, believe me. I've looked into it. There's a gas shortage and a flock of seagulls. That's about it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Meanwhile in 1999]''
:'''Felicity''': Do you think I'll be happy here in the '90s?
:'''Austin''': Well, I know the '90s might sound boring, but as far as I'm concerned, I've brought the best part of the '60s back with me. You.
:''[They kiss]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fat Bastard''': Listen, missy! [''aims the gun''] Do you fancy another go? 'Cuz once you've had fat, you'll never go back! ''[laughs]''
:'''Austin''': ''[very mad]'' You shut your mouth, you bastard! [''pause''] Who is fat.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fat Bastard''': Of course I'm not happy! Look at me, I'm a big fat slob. I've got bigger titties than you do. I've got more chins than a Chinese phonebook. I've not seen my willie in two years, which is long enough to declare it legally dead. ''[on the verge of tears]'' I can't stop eating. I eat because I'm unhappy, and I'm unhappy because I eat. It's a vicious cycle. Now, if you'll excuse me, there's someone I'd like to get in touch with and forgive. Myself. ''[farts]'' Sorry. I farted. It's a long road ahead. ''[pauses; then resumes]'' Ach, who am I kiddin'?! I'm still gonna kill you, anyway! ''[charges at them, but Felicity kicks him in the crotch]'' Oh-h-h, right in the mummy-daddy button!
:'''Felicity''': That's for calling me crap, ya fatty.
:''[Fat Bastard screams slowly as he falls to the ground, shaking the room very hard]''
:'''Austin''': ''[to Felicity]'' Listen, baby, I don't care if he is a fat bastard, you don't give a man a shot in the pills. It's just not cricket.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Back to 1969, as Dr. Evil escapes while picking up the floating Mini-Me]''
:'''Young Basil''': Did we get Dr. Evil?
:'''Johnson''': No, sir. He got away in that rocket that looks like a huge-
:''[Cut to school]''
:'''Schoolteacher''': Penis: the male reproductive organ. Also known as tally-whacker, schlong, or-
:''[Cut to barbecue]''
:'''Father''': Wiener? Any of you kids want another wiener?
:'''Son''': ''[points at the rocket]'' Dad, what's that?
:'''Father''': I don't know, son, but it's got great big-
:''[Cut to the ball game]''
:'''Peanut vendor''': Nuts! Hot salty nuts! Who wants some?! ''[looks up]'' Lord Almighty!
:'''Woman''': That looks just like my husband's-
:''[Cut to the circus]''
:'''Ringmaster''': One-Eyed Monster! Step right up and see the One-Eyed Monster!
:'''One-Eyed Monster''': ''[jumps out and nearly surprises the crowd, then points to the rocket]'' Hey! What's that? It looks like a big-
:''[Cut elsewhere]''
:'''Female fan''': Woody? Woody Harrelson? Can I have an autograph?
:'''[[w:Woody Harrelson|Woody Harrelson]]''': Sure. No problem. ''[sees the rocket]'' Oh, my Lord! Look at that thing!
:'''Female fan''': It's so big!
:'''Woody Harrelson''': I've seen bigger. That's-
:''[Cut to Dr. Evil's rocket]''
:'''Dr. Evil''': ''[to Mini-Me while he gives him a flu shot]'' Just a little prick. It's a flu shot. You've been in the coldness of space. I don't want you to get sick. It's one thing to attack me. It's quite another to attack my Mini-Me. ''[hands Mini-Me a lollipop]'' I'm gonna get you, Austin Powers. I'm gonna get you! ''[both he and Mini-Me laugh evilly]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Jerry Springer presented Scott his real mother, who turns out to be Frau Farbassina]''
:'''Scott''': ''[both shocked and surprised]'' Mom?
:'''Frau''': Scott, you are my love child with Dr. Evil.
:'''Scott''': I thought I was a test-tube baby.
:'''Frau''': Lies. All '''''LIES!!!'''''
:''[Springer and the audience react]''
:'''Scott''': ''[smiles]'' I love you, Mom.
:'''Frau''': ''[teary-eyed]'' I love you too, son.
:''[They hug]''
:'''Audience''': Aww.
:'''Jerry Springer''': You know, what have we learned here today? Perhaps it's that no one can take your mojo. You can look around all you want, but what you're really tryin' to find is on the inside. Take care of yourself and each other.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Last lines]''
:'''Mustafa''': ''[after the credits; offscreen]'' Hello, out there! Is the movie over?! I'm still down here, and I'm still in quite a lot of pain. Maybe someone in the lobby could call an ambulance. Oh! The pain is really quite severe. I fashioned a makeshift splint. Here goes nothing! ''[the splint snaps; he screams and hits the ground]''

== Taglines ==

* First he fought for the Crown. Now he's fighting for the family jewels!
* I'm Back, Baby!
* Double-O Behave!
* The return of Dr. Evil.
* The BRITISH Empire Strikes Back!
* He's back, he's even bigger and he's up for it!
* I'm Coming Again, Baby! [Australia]
* If you see one movie in 1999, see Star Wars. But, if you see two movies, see Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me [tagline from trailer]

== Cast ==
* [[w:Mike Myers (actor)|Mike Myers]] - Austin Powers/Dr. Evil/Fat Bastard
* [[w:Heather Graham|Heather Graham]] - Felicity Shagwell
* [[w:Elizabeth Hurley|Elizabeth Hurley]] - Vanessa Kensington
* [[w:Michael York|Michael York]] - Basil Exposition
* [[w:Robert Wagner|Robert Wagner]] - Number Two
* [[w:Rob Lowe|Rob Lowe]] - Young Number Two
* [[w:Seth Green|Seth Green]] - Scott Evil
* [[w:Mindy Sterling|Mindy Sterling]] - Frau Farbissina
* [[w:Verne Troyer|Verne Troyer]] - Mini-Me
* [[w:Charles Napier (actor)|Charles Napier]] - General Hawk
* [[Will Ferrell]] - Mustafa

==External links==
{{Wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|0145660}}

{{Austin Powers}}
{{New Line Cinema}}

[[Category:1999 films]]
[[Category:1999 American films]]
[[Category:Comedy films]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]
[[Category:Films directed by Jay Roach]]
[[Category:Time travel films]]
[[Category:Films about dwarfs]]
[[Category:Films about cloning]]
[[Category:Spy films]]
[[Category:Moon-related films]]
[[Category:Films set in Seattle]]
[[Category:Screenplays by Michael McCullers]]
[[Category:1990s English-language films]]
[[Category:Films set in the 1960s]]</text>
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      <text bytes="31843" sha1="3dbxz5v2wxol0e1wmg12k4k04ftr0q0" xml:space="preserve">{{for|other films in this series|Austin Powers (film series)}}
{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me|Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me]]''''' is a [[w:1999 in film|1999 film]] in which Dr. Evil is back...and has invented a new time machine that allows him to go back to the 60's and steal Austin Powers's mojo, inadvertently leaving him &quot;shagless&quot;. 
:''Directed by [[w:Jay Roach|Jay Roach]]. Written by [[w:Mike Myers (actor)|Mike Myers]] and [[w:Michael McCullers|Michael McCullers]].''
{{center|'''First he fought for the Crown. Now he's fighting for the family jewels!''' [[#Taglines|taglines]]}}

== Dialogue ==
:''[First lines; the text is rendered in the manner of a &quot;Star Wars&quot; opening crawl]''
:'''Narrator''': Austin Powers, International Man of Mystery, was frozen in 1967 and defrosted in the Nineties to battle his nemesis, Dr. Evil. After foiling his archenemy's plan to send a nuclear warhead to the center of the earth, Austin banished Dr. Evil to the cold recesses of space and settled down with his new wife, Vanessa, to live happily ever after. Or so he thought...
:''[camera scrolls through a flying astronaut and a rocket ship]''
:'''Astronaut''': [''voice only, in helmet''] Houston, this is Condor. We are doing an EVA of the payload, we are about Presenting with Module with... [''he sees a giant Big Boy statue in space from the first film''] What the... oh, my Gentle Jesus! Houston, we have a problem!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Each time Austin pushes a button on the remote, Vanessa motions according to the button pushed]''
:'''Austin''': Vanessa, what's going on? ''[pushes the play button]''
:'''Vanessa''': ''[walks up to him in normal speed]'' I don't know what you mean, Austin. I'm the same Vane- ''[her sentence is muted when Austin pushes the mute button; he pushes the same button again]'' You must be- ''[Austin pushes the SAP button; in Spanish]'' -Tu imaginación está jugando con ti, querido.
:'''Austin''': ''[in the state of shock]'' OH, MY GOD! ''[Vanessa strangles him by the neck; he rips her face off and sees the face of a machine in its place]'' Vanessa! You're a fembot!
:'''Vanessa''': No shit, Sherlock! ''[throws Austin aside and releases machine guns from her breasts]''
:'''Austin''': Machine gun jubblies? How did I miss those, baby?
:'''Vanessa''': Perhaps next time you should try foreplay.
:'''Austin''': Right. ''[to himself]'' Oh, my God!
:''[&quot;Vanessa&quot; shoots her machine guns at Austin for 20 seconds, and stops firing as Austin waves a white flag to surrender]''
:'''Dr. Evil's voice''': Here's your wedding present, Mr. Powers. A kamikaze bride from me: Dr. Evil. ''[countdown reaches zero; &quot;Vanessa's&quot; head explodes, destroying bits of the hotel room]''
:'''Austin''': ''[unharmed, checks to see if his crotch is intact]'' Oh, thank God. ''[picks up &quot;Vanessa&quot;'s robotic left hand with the wedding ring on it; to the camera]'' I can't believe Vanessa, my bride, my one true love, the woman who taught me the beauty of monogamy, was a fembot all along. ''[realizes]'' Wait a tick. ''[smiles]'' That means I'm single again! Oh behave! ''[laughs as he claps his hand with the robotic hand before tossing it away]'' Yeah!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[At the Jerry Springer show, Dr. Evil sits beside Scott]''
:'''Dr. Evil''': Hello, Scott. Daddy's back.
:'''Scott''': ''[incredulously]'' How could you do this to me on national television?!
:'''Dr. Evil''': Well, throw me a frickin' bone here, Scott.
:'''Scott''': Why'd you run out on me?
:'''Dr. Evil''': Because you're not quite evil enough. ''[audience starts groaning]'' Well, it's true. ''[to Scott]'' You're quasi-evil. You're semi-evil. You're the margarine of evil. You're the [[w:Diet Coke|Diet Coke]] of evil. Just 1 calorie. Not evil enough.
:'''White-Hooded &quot;KKK&quot; Man''': What are you, some kinda freak?!
:'''Scott''': ''[stands up]'' Shut up, you ''[bleep]''er!
:'''Dr. Evil''': Okay, come on!
:'''Hooded &quot;KKK&quot; Man''': ''[stands up, too]'' I'll kick your ''[bleep]'', punk!
:'''Scott''': Bring it on, you skanky ''[bleep]''!
:'''Dr. Evil''': No one talks to my son like that. It's okay, Scott. ''[to the hooded man]'' You mother''[bleep]''ing piece of ''[bleep]''! ''[stands up and attacks the hooded man. The audience goes wild, as well as numerous bleeps, Jerry's bodyguards try to stop the fight]'' You were born in your mother's ''[bleep]'', you ''[bleep]''!
:'''Audience''': ''[chanting]'' Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Austin''': ''[answering a video call while driving]'' Hello, Basil.
:'''Basil''': Hello, Austin. How was your honeymoon?
:'''Austin''': It turns out that Vanessa was a fembot.
:'''Basil''': Yes. We knew all along, sadly. ''[then, without pausing for a moment]'' Anyway, I have a new assignment for you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Austin''': Who are you, baby?
:'''Ivana''': Ivana. Ivana Humpalot.
:'''Austin''': Excuse me?
:'''Ivana''': Ivana Humpalot.
:'''Austin''': And I vanna toilet made out of solid gold, but its just not in the cards now, is it? ''[laughs]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Austin''': ''[shooting photos]'' Okay, you're an animal! Yes, there we go. You're a tiger! You're Tony the Tiger! You're grrreat! Very good. Loving it. Now you're a lemur. Running as a pack. We go left. We go right. There's a predator out of the jungle. What's going on? Burrow! That's right, you're a lemur. That's all you've got. You don't have sharp teeth capable of biting. Make an interconnected series of tunnels like the Viet Cong. And look. I'm not even shooting you. It's crazy. And I'm spent. ''[gives away a camera]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ivana''': Do you know how we keep warm in Russia?
:'''Austin''': I can guess, baby.
:'''Ivana''': We play chess.
:'''Austin''': I guessed wrong.
:'''Ivana''': It takes a keen intellect to play chess, Mr. Powers. I assume you know how to play.
:'''Austin''': Of course, baby.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dr. Evil''': Frau Farbissina, ''Wie geht es Ihnen?'' ''[Translation: How are you?]''
:'''Frau''': ''Sehr gut, Herr Doctor.'' ''[Very good, Doctor.]''
:'''Dr. Evil''': How are things?
:'''Frau''': I have come to embrace the love that dare not speak its name. To my right is my lover. ''[reveals said female]'' We met at the LPGA Tour. Her name is Unibrau.
:'''Dr. Evil''': Right on. Welcome, Unibrau. 
:'''Frau''': ''[looks at the coffee cream on Dr. Evil's nose]'' Dr. Evil, you, uh- ''[points to the nose]''
:'''Dr. Evil''': What? What?   
:'''Frau''': You've got a little milk...nose...mustache.
:'''Dr. Evil''': ''[looks at himself in his mirror]'' I know. I know. I meant to. ''[wipes his nose]'' That's how we drink it in Belgium. It's called a Belgian Dip. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Number Two''': Why not use your knowledge of the future to play the stock market? We could make trillions.
:'''Dr. Evil''': Why make trillions when we could make... ''[zoom up, play evil sound bite, and pause]'' Billions? ''[grins]''
:'''Scott''': A trillion is more than a billion, numb-nuts.
:'''Dr. Evil''': All right. Zip it.
:'''Scott''': You - You can't even-
:'''Dr. Evil''': Zip it! Zip.
:'''Scott''': Look, all I'm-
:'''Dr. Evil''': Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, ex-zip-it A.
:'''Scott''': Number Two, would you please back me up?
:'''Dr. Evil''': Look! I'm &quot;Zippy&quot; Longstocking!
:'''Scott''': Ugh. I can't-
:'''Dr. Evil''': ''[to the tune of Devo's &quot;Whip It&quot;]'' When a problem comes along, you must zip it! ''[imitates whip]'' Zip it good!
:'''Scott''': Frau, would you please-?
:'''Dr. Evil''': ''[speaks Japanese]'' Damare. ''[Subtitle: &quot;Zip it&quot;.]''
:'''Scott''': I'm just trying to-
:'''Dr. Evil''': Zip! Would you like to have a suckle of my &quot;zipple&quot;?
:'''Scott''': I want-
:'''Dr. Evil''': Sh!
:'''Scott''': Stop. ''[Dr. Evil speaks gibberish]'' All you- ''[Dr. Evil speaks more gibberish]'' You- ''[again]'' You're like a child! ''[again]'' Talkin'- ''[again]'' If you just- ''[again]'' Just- ''[again]'' One time-
:'''Dr. Evil''': Zip it. Unveil the Time Portal.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dr. Evil''': As you know, Austin Powers was frozen in 1967. Therefore, I will travel to 1969, two years after he was frozen. He'll be helpless. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm about to travel through time. I bid you adieu. ''[running up a ramp, he hits the Time Portal and rolls back down; getting to his feet]'' I'm okay. I'm okay. Okay. Not turned on, I suppose.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Austin''': Let me ask you a question. And be honest. Do I make you horny, baby? Do I? Do I make you randy?
:'''Ivana''': ''[gets up from the table]'' No more games. Dr. Evil sent me here to kill you, but I find you so... ''[pause]'' sexy! Just make love to me. Now, Austin Powervich! Hurry! ''[Austin rips his shirt open]'' Oh, you are hairy like animal!
:'''Austin''': Grr, baby! Very grr!
:'''Ivana''': Make love to me, monkey man!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Fat Bastard visits the frozen Austin Powers in 1969, and uses the tube to steal Austin's mojo. While Austin is making love with Ivana in 1999, he sits up in full shock]''
:'''Ivana''': Austin? What's wrong?
:'''Austin''': Crickey! I lost my mojo!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Austin''': ''[about to travel back to 1969]'' Wait a tick. Basil, if I travel back to 1969, and I was frozen in 1967, presumably, I could go visit my frozen self. But, if I'm still frozen in 1967, how could I have been unthawed in the 90's and traveled back to... ''[cross-eyed]'' Oh, no. I've gone cross-eyed.
:'''Basil''': I suggest you don't worry about this sort of thing, and just enjoy yourself. ''[to the home audience]'' That goes for you all, too.
:'''Austin''': ''[to the home audience]'' Yes.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Swallows''': My name is Robin Swallows.
:'''Austin''': Swallows. That's an interesting name.
:'''Swallows''': Maiden name's Spitz.
:'''Austin''': Well, which is it, baby? Spitz or Swallows?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Felicity''': Austin Powers, I presume.
:'''Austin''': Powers by name, powers by reputation.
:'''Felicity''': Felicity Shagwell, CIA. Shagwell by name, shag-very-well by reputation.
:'''Austin''': Oh, be-have.
:'''Felicity''': Not if I can help it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Swallows''': Prepare to die, Powers! Use the machine gun! ''[her accomplice fires a machine gun, and Austin uses her as a human shield until it clicks empty]'' Say goodbye, Powers! ''[he drops her to the floor]'' Use the bazooka!
:''[Her accomplice raises a bazooka]''
:'''Austin''': No! No! ''[uses Robin as a shield again]''
:''[The force knocks them out of a window from Austin's pad]''
:'''Swallows''': The fall will kill us both, Powers! ''[Austin moves her in front of him to break his fall; they land hard on the sidewalk; still alive]'' You can't win, Powers.
:''[O'Brien looks over the edge, reloads his machine gun, and opens fire]''
:'''Austin''': Why won't you die?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Austin''': Who sent you?!
:'''Mustafa''': You'll have to kill me.
:'''Austin''': Who sent you?!
:'''Mustafa''': Kiss my ass, Powers!
:'''Austin''': Who sent you?!
:'''Mustafa''': Dr. Evil!
:'''Felicity''': That was easy.
:'''Austin''': That ''was'' easy.
:'''Felicity''': Why did you tell us?
:'''Mustafa''': I can't stand to be asked the same question 3 times. It just irritates me.
:'''Austin''': Where is Dr. Evil hiding?
:'''Mustafa''': Why would he tell me? I'm just one of his low-level functionaries.
:'''Austin''': Where is Dr. Evil hiding?
:'''Mustafa''': You'll have to torture me. I'll never tell you.
:'''Austin''': ''[quickly]'' Where's Dr. Evil hiding?!
:'''Mustafa''': Damn! 3 times! He's hiding in the secret volcano lair.
:'''Austin''': Where's Dr. Evil's secret volcano lair?
:'''Mustafa''': ''[spits]'' I spit at the question.
:'''Austin''': Do I really have to ask you 2 more times?
:'''Mustafa''': Go to hell, Powers.
:'''Austin''': Fine. ''[slowly]'' Where is Dr. Evil's secret...volcano...lair?
:'''Mustafa''': I will take it to the grave with me.
:'''Felicity''': Aha! You have to answer. He asked you 3 times.
:'''Mustafa''': No, no, no! No. The second question was: &quot;Do I really have to ask you 2 more times?&quot;. So that would be the first question in a new line of questioning, and wouldn't count in the ''other'' line of questioning.
:'''Austin''': He's right.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Austin''': ''[as Mini-Me shoots a tranquilizer dart onto Mustafa's neck]'' If you're preaching to the converted, then why are you being so slavish to the three question form? It's my question. You're not even looking at me, man. You're just being rude, you know that? You're not listening, man.
:''[Mustafa screams, falls off the edge of a cliff]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Austin''': Those are skin tight. How do you get into those pants, baby? 
:'''Felicity''': You can start by buying me a drink.
:''[Austin wheezes heavily]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Basil''': ''[in the video call]'' Hello, Agent Shagwell. Where's Austin?
:'''Felicity''': I must have said something wrong, so he just left all of a sudden.
:'''Basil''': Listen, Felicity, I don't want you getting too close to Austin. It's not meant to be.
:'''Felicity''': I don't get too close to anybody, Basil. My interest in this case is purely professional.
:'''Basil''': Good. Then you won't mind tracking down Fat Bastard tonight.
:'''Felicity''': No problem.
:'''Basil''': We need you to plant this homing device on him by any means necessary.
:'''Felicity''': No problem.
:'''Basil''': Keep up the good work. Remember, by any means necessary.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Austin''': ''[visiting his frozen past self]'' Look at yourself. You used to be so virile. You were a swinger, man. And now you're nothing. But at least it can't get any worse.
:''[Cuts to Felicity and Fat Bastard in bed]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fat Bastard''': Would you like some chicken? I've got more.
:'''Felicity''': No, thanks.
:''[Fat Bastard rolls over to get more food at the side of his bed; Felicity takes a homing device out of her purse and notices an opening in his rear end]''
:'''Basil''': ''[voiceover, via Felicity's memory]'' Remember, by any means necessary.
:''[Felicity nervously sticks it in his behind]''
:'''Fat Bastard''': OOH! Frisky are we? Give it up! ''[rolls on top of her]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Frau''': You know I will never love another man.
:'''Dr. Evil''': Well, yes. That's true.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Young Basil''': Hello, everybody!
:'''Austin''': Hello, Basil!
:'''Young Basil''': The results are in. We've discovered trace elements of a rare vegetable found only on one island, here, in the Caribbean.
:'''Austin''': Whoop-de-doo! What does it all mean, Basil?
:'''Young Basil''': It means that this is the location of Dr. Evil's lair!
:'''Austin''': Smashing, Basil. ''[sniffs his &quot;coffee&quot;, then frowns]'' Cor! This coffee smells like shit!
:'''Young Basil''': ''[looks at Fat Bastard's stool sample, from which Austin has inadvertently poured into his mug]'' It ''is'' shit, Austin.
:'''Austin''': Oh, good. Then it's not just me. ''[drinks the sample and smacks his lips]'' It's a bit nutty.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dr. Evil''': ''[about his new &quot;laser&quot;]'' You see, I've turned the moon into what I like to call a &quot;Death Star&quot;. ''[Scott snickers]'' What?
:'''Scott''': Oh, nothin', Darth.
:'''Dr. Evil''': What did you call me?
:'''Scott''':  Oh, nothin'. ''[sneezes]'' Rip-off!
:'''Dr. Evil''': Bless you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dr. Evil''': The key to this project is the giant laser, which was invented by the noted Cambridge physicist, Dr. Parsons. Therefore, we shall call it: &quot;The Alan Parsons Project&quot;.
:'''Scott''': ''[snickers]'' &quot;Oh my god&quot;.
:'''Dr. Evil''': What now?
:'''Scott''': The Alan Parsons Project is a progressive rock band in 1982. Why don't you just call it Operation Wang Chung, ass?
:'''Dr. Evil''': What...what should we...
:'''Scott''': Nothing! I'm sure Operation Bananarama will be huge!
:'''Dr. Evil''': What're you saying?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Austin''': ''[looks through binoculars around neck]'' Dr. Evil's headquarters is just over that next ridge.
:'''Felicity''': Let me look. ''[pulls binoculars, with Austin, across]''
:'''Austin''': AAAGH!
:'''Felicity''': Damn it! ''[pulls binoculars down]'' How do we get in?
:'''Austin''': ''[stuck in Felicity's chest]'' Hello, Mummy. Mummy, can I have some chocolate? I want some Mars bars!
:'''Felicity''': Austin?
:'''Austin''': Don't smack my bottom, mummy!
:'''Felicity''': Austin?
:'''Austin''': ''[pulls himself up]'' Sorry, love. I got stuck in your dirty pillows.
:'''Felicity''': Let's look at the map. ''[drags Austin by the binoculars and heads into the tent]''
:'''Austin''': Oh, God!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dr. Evil''': Mr. President, allow me to demonstrate the awesome lethality of the Alan Parsons Project. Fire the laser! ''[shows a clip of a UFO from ''[[w:Independence Day (1996 film)|Independence Day]]'' blowing up the White House]''
:'''President''': ''[freaks out and ducks under the desk]'' Damage report! Damage report!
:''[The staff realizes that everything is safe]''
:'''General''': It's okay. It's all right. Come on.
:'''Dr. Evil''': Well, actually, that was just footage from the movie ''Independence Day'', but the real laser would be a lot like that. Yeah. Scary.
:'''General''': Ahem! Now, Dr. Evil...
:'''Dr. Evil''': ''[interrupts him]'' Talk to the hand 'cause the face don't want to hear it anymore.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Austin''': According to this map, the entire island is crawling with Dr. Evil's guards.
:'''Felicity''': I want to make sure the explosives didn't get wet, but I can't find them.
:'''Austin''': Look in the bottom.
:'''Felicity''': Okay, I'll dig a little deeper. ''[from the view outside their tent, their silhouettes make it look like she's removing items from his rear end]'' Wow, this bag is really full.
:'''Austin''': Just keep digging, darling.
:'''Felicity''': I'll just feel around for them. ''[taking a rope out of the bag]'' Good Lord, Austin. What sort of things do you keep in here?
:'''Austin''': Oh, anything that catches my fancy, you know. Give it a good tug.
:'''Felicity''': ''[taking out an umbrella]'' Oh, do we really need this?
:'''Austin''': I'll ask you not to open that inside, thank you very much. Okay.
:'''Felicity''': Sorry.
:'''Private Army Soldier''': ''[in disgust]'' Oh, my God.
:'''Felicity''': ''[something gaseous goes off]'' Oops, it went off.
:'''Austin''': Yes, it does that from time to time.
:'''Felicity''': ''[coughing from the contents of a smoke bomb]'' Ugh.
:'''Austin''': Yes.
:'''Felicity''': Yuck.
:'''Austin''': Yeah, that's nasty. Yeah, sorry about that.
:'''Felicity''': ''[trying to waft away the odor]'' Smelly.
:'''Private Army Soldier''': ''[in disgust]'' Oh, these people make me sick.
:'''Austin''': Can you snap me a beer? ''[Felicity opens one and takes a drink, then shrieks]'' What is it?
:'''Felicity''': It's a gerbil. How did that get in your bag?
:'''Austin''': I...I don't know.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''General''': Sir, are you suggesting that we blow up the moon?
:'''President''': Would you miss it? ''[to the other generals]'' Would you miss it?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Johnson''': ''[notices Dr. Evil's spaceship on radar]'' Colonel, you better take a look at this radar.
:'''Colonel''': What is it, son?
:'''Johnson''': I don't know, sir, but it looks like a giant-
:''[Cut to the sky in two jets]''
:'''Jet Pilot''': Dick!
:'''Dick''': Yeah?
:'''Jet Pilot''': Take a look outta starboard.
:'''Dick''': Oh, my God! It looks like a huge-
:''[Cut to the forest with two birdwatchers]''
:'''British Bird-Watching Woman''': Pecker!
:'''British Bird-Watching Man''': ''[raises his binoculars]'' Oh, where?
:'''British Bird-Watching Woman''': Wait, that's not a woodpecker. It looks like someone's-
:''[Cut to boot camp]''
:'''Army Sergeant''': PRIVATES! We have reports of an unidentified flying object! It is a long, smooth shaft, complete with-
:''[Cut to the baseball game]''
:'''Umpire''': Two balls! ''[looks up from game]'' What is that? That looks just like an enormous-
:''[Cut to Chinese school]''
:'''Teacher''': Wang! Pay attention!
:'''Wang''': I was distracted by that enormous flying-
:''[Cut to a concert with [[w:Willie Nelson|Willie Nelson]] and another guitarist]''
:'''Musician''': Willie.
:'''Willie Nelson''': Yeah?
:'''Musician''': What's that?
:'''Willie Nelson''': ''[looks up]'' Well, it looks like a giant-
:''[Cut back to headquarters]''
:'''Colonel''': Johnson!
:'''Johnson''': Yes, sir!
:'''Colonel''': Get on the horn to British Intelligence and let them know about this!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Felicity''': I'm sorry. I just did what I thought you would do in the same situation. You're the reason I became a spy. I thought that I wanted to be you, but then I realized that...I want to be with you.
:'''Austin''': ''[softens, realizing she's right]'' You do?
:'''Felicity''': ''[smiles]'' Yeah. ''[Austin smiles in relief, and leaps to the safer side next to her]'' We need to get past that one inept guard.
:'''Austin''': Right, here's the plan. What if I pretend to be desperately ill with food poisoning? The guard, drawn by my cries of pain, comes to investigate. Meanwhile, you dig a pit, line it with makeshift Punji sticks made from sharpened toothbrushes. The guard falls in, Bob's your uncle, we escape. What do you think?
:'''Felicity''': That might work, but what about this? ''[unhooking the front of her top; to the guard]'' What do you think of these, my man? ''[exposes her breasts]'' 
:'''Guard''': Mommy! ''[rushes forward and plunges to his death in hot magma]'' 
:'''Austin''': What a...&quot;burn?&quot;  ''[laughs]''  That sort of thing could get a man...&quot;fired?&quot; ''[laughs]'' I think he was...&quot;hot&quot;...for...you. ''[laughs]'' 
:'''Felicity''': That's enough.
:'''Austin''': Yeah.
:''[They leave]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dr. Evil''': ''[tries to move the spinning chair, but it's stuck numerous times]'' Okay. Alright. All I asked for was a frickin' rotating chair, okay?! Whoa, okay, okay, okay, getting a little afraid. I need an old priest and a young priest. The power of Christ compels you! The power of Christ compels you! ''[finally stops]'' Whoa, hello! Okay, sick as a dog now. Okay. Gonna vomit...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Austin had ejected Mini-Me into space]''
:'''Austin''': ''[solemnly]'' Poor little bugger. ''[salutes]'' I salute you. ''[goes to find Dr. Evil]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Austin arrives at the helm]''
:'''Dr. Evil''': Well, looks like you have a choice, Mr. Powers. Save the world, ''[rotates the gas chamber]'' or save your girlfriend.
:'''Felicity''': ''[reveals to be in the gas chamber]'' Austin!
:'''Austin''': ''[shocked]'' Felicity!
:'''Felicity''': Don't worry about me, Austin! You've got to save the world!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After Austin prevents the laser from shooting the Earth, Felicity passes out in the gas chamber and dies]''
:'''Dr. Evil''': You may have won the battle, Mr. Powers, but you lost the war!
:'''Austin''': ''[horrified]'' NO! No! No!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Austin chases Dr. Evil who is wearing a space suit with helmet. He shoots and hits Dr. Evil in his thigh]'' 
:'''Austin''': Gotcha! 
:'''Dr. Evil''': ''[sits up and switches on his speaker unit]'' Ow! You shot me, you a-hole! ''[switches off his speaker unit]'' 
:'''Austin''': And now I'm going to kill you!
:'''Dr.Evil''': ''[switches on his speaker unit]''  Before you do that - Ow! ''[stands up and switches to deep voice]'' Know this. ''[pause]'' Austin. ''[heavy, [[Darth Vader]] style breathing/voice]'' I am your father.
:'''Austin''': Really?
:'''Dr. Evil''': ''[switches to normal voice]'' No, not really. I can't back that up.
:'''Austin''': Right. Idiot. Yes.
:'''Dr. Evil''': But isn't it interesting, Mr. Powers, that you would rather kill me than save your precious Felicity?
:'''Austin''': What do you mean?
:'''Dr. Evil''': Remember, there's a Time Portal in the main chamber. You can go back and save her.
:'''Austin''': I'll do that. ''[Dr. Evil laughs evilly, and Frau shoots him, but misses; he drops his gun and runs off]'' Felicity!
:''[Dr. Evil, with his speaker off, mouths &quot;Good work.&quot; to Frau, who doesn't hear him. Dr. Evil yells &quot;Good...work!&quot; to Frau, and is barely heard. Frau still doesn't hear him]''
:'''Dr. Evil''': ''[turns back on his speaker, loudly]'' GOOD WORK! ''[faints; glass breaks]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Austin races back to the helm and finds the Time Portal. He sets to 10 minutes and enters the portal. Cut to 10 minutes earlier, Austin appears from the Time Portal, just as his past self enters the helm]''
:'''Dr. Evil''': Well, looks like you have a choice, Mr. Powers. Save the world, ''[rotates the gas chamber]'' or save your girlfriend.
:'''Felicity''': ''[reveals to be in the gas chamber]'' Austin!
:'''Past Austin''': ''[shocked]'' Felicity!
:''[Austin races up to his past self]''
:'''Felicity''': Don't worry about me, Austin! You've got to save the world!
:'''Austin''': ''[arrives]'' I choose love, baby.
:''[Everyone is shocked]''
:'''Past Austin''': Wait a tick. Who are you?
:'''Austin''': I'm you ten minutes from now.
:'''Past Austin''': Damn it. You are handsome, baby, yeah!
:'''Austin''': ''[laughs]'' I was just thinking the same.
:'''Past Austin''': We are sexy!
:'''Austin''': We are sexy bitches, yes!
:'''Dr. Evil''': Alright, this is re-goddamn-diculous. Kill them both!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Dr. Evil's moon base is set to self-destruct]''
:'''Felicity''': We have to go. We have to go now.
:'''Austin''': My mojo! I'm useless without it.
:'''Felicity''': But you don't need it. You've had it all along.
:'''Austin''': What do you mean?
:'''Felicity''': You defeated Dr. Evil, you saved the world, and believe me, you're gonna get the girl.
:'''Austin''': ''[grins]'' Well!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Felicity''': I want to see what happens in the 70s and 80s.
:'''Austin''': The 70s and the 80s? You're not missing anything, believe me. I've looked into it. There's a gas shortage and a flock of seagulls. That's about it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Meanwhile in 1999]''
:'''Felicity''': Do you think I'll be happy here in the '90s?
:'''Austin''': Well, I know the '90s might sound boring, but as far as I'm concerned, I've brought the best part of the '60s back with me. You.
:''[They kiss]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fat Bastard''': Listen, missy! [''aims the gun''] Do you fancy another go? 'Cuz once you've had fat, you'll never go back! ''[laughs]''
:'''Austin''': ''[very mad]'' You shut your mouth, you bastard! [''pause''] Who is fat.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fat Bastard''': Of course I'm not happy! Look at me, I'm a big fat slob. I've got bigger titties than you do. I've got more chins than a Chinese phonebook. I've not seen my willie in two years, which is long enough to declare it legally dead. ''[on the verge of tears]'' I can't stop eating. I eat because I'm unhappy, and I'm unhappy because I eat. It's a vicious cycle. Now, if you'll excuse me, there's someone I'd like to get in touch with and forgive. Myself. ''[farts]'' Sorry. I farted. It's a long road ahead. ''[pauses; then resumes]'' Ach, who am I kiddin'?! I'm still gonna kill you, anyway! ''[charges at them, but Felicity kicks him in the crotch]'' Oh-h-h, right in the mummy-daddy button!
:'''Felicity''': That's for calling me crap, ya fatty.
:''[Fat Bastard screams slowly as he falls to the ground, shaking the room very hard]''
:'''Austin''': ''[to Felicity]'' Listen, baby, I don't care if he is a fat bastard, you don't give a man a shot in the pills. It's just not cricket.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Back to 1969, as Dr. Evil escapes while picking up the floating Mini-Me]''
:'''Young Basil''': Did we get Dr. Evil?
:'''Johnson''': No, sir. He got away in that rocket that looks like a huge-
:''[Cut to school]''
:'''Schoolteacher''': Penis: the male reproductive organ. Also known as tally-whacker, schlong, or-
:''[Cut to barbecue]''
:'''Father''': Wiener? Any of you kids want another wiener?
:'''Son''': ''[points at the rocket]'' Dad, what's that?
:'''Father''': I don't know, son, but it's got great big-
:''[Cut to the ball game]''
:'''Peanut vendor''': Nuts! Hot salty nuts! Who wants some?! ''[looks up]'' Lord Almighty!
:'''Woman''': That looks just like my husband's-
:''[Cut to the circus]''
:'''Ringmaster''': One-Eyed Monster! Step right up and see the One-Eyed Monster!
:'''One-Eyed Monster''': ''[jumps out and nearly surprises the crowd, then points to the rocket]'' Hey! What's that? It looks like a big-
:''[Cut elsewhere]''
:'''Female fan''': Woody? Woody Harrelson? Can I have an autograph?
:'''[[w:Woody Harrelson|Woody Harrelson]]''': Sure. No problem. ''[sees the rocket]'' Oh, my Lord! Look at that thing!
:'''Female fan''': It's so big!
:'''Woody Harrelson''': I've seen bigger. That's-
:''[Cut to Dr. Evil's rocket]''
:'''Dr. Evil''': ''[to Mini-Me while he gives him a flu shot]'' Just a little prick. It's a flu shot. You've been in the coldness of space. I don't want you to get sick. It's one thing to attack me. It's quite another to attack my Mini-Me. ''[hands Mini-Me a lollipop]'' I'm gonna get you, Austin Powers. I'm gonna get you! ''[both he and Mini-Me laugh evilly]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Jerry Springer presented Scott his real mother, who turns out to be Frau Farbassina]''
:'''Scott''': ''[both shocked and surprised]'' Mom?
:'''Frau''': Scott, you are my love child with Dr. Evil.
:'''Scott''': I thought I was a test-tube baby.
:'''Frau''': Lies. All '''''LIES!!!'''''
:''[Springer and the audience react]''
:'''Scott''': ''[smiles]'' I love you, Mom.
:'''Frau''': ''[teary-eyed]'' I love you too, son.
:''[They hug]''
:'''Audience''': Aww.
:'''Jerry Springer''': You know, what have we learned here today? Perhaps it's that no one can take your mojo. You can look around all you want, but what you're really tryin' to find is on the inside. Take care of yourself and each other.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Last lines]''
:'''Mustafa''': ''[after the credits; offscreen]'' Hello, out there! Is the movie over?! I'm still down here, and I'm still in quite a lot of pain. Maybe someone in the lobby could call an ambulance. Oh! The pain is really quite severe. I fashioned a makeshift splint. Here goes nothing! ''[the splint snaps; he screams and hits the ground]''

== Taglines ==

* First he fought for the Crown. Now he's fighting for the family jewels!
* I'm Back, Baby!
* Double-O Behave!
* The return of Dr. Evil.
* The BRITISH Empire Strikes Back!
* He's back, he's even bigger and he's up for it!
* I'm Coming Again, Baby! [Australia]
* If you see one movie in 1999, see Star Wars. But, if you see two movies, see Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me [tagline from trailer]

== Cast ==
* [[w:Mike Myers (actor)|Mike Myers]] - Austin Powers/Dr. Evil/Fat Bastard
* [[w:Heather Graham|Heather Graham]] - Felicity Shagwell
* [[w:Elizabeth Hurley|Elizabeth Hurley]] - Vanessa Kensington
* [[w:Michael York|Michael York]] - Basil Exposition
* [[w:Robert Wagner|Robert Wagner]] - Number Two
* [[w:Rob Lowe|Rob Lowe]] - Young Number Two
* [[w:Seth Green|Seth Green]] - Scott Evil
* [[w:Mindy Sterling|Mindy Sterling]] - Frau Farbissina
* [[w:Verne Troyer|Verne Troyer]] - Mini-Me
* [[w:Charles Napier (actor)|Charles Napier]] - General Hawk
* [[Will Ferrell]] - Mustafa

==External links==
{{Wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|0145660}}

{{Austin Powers}}
{{New Line Cinema}}

[[Category:1999 films]]
[[Category:1999 American films]]
[[Category:Comedy films]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]
[[Category:Films directed by Jay Roach]]
[[Category:Time travel films]]
[[Category:Films about dwarfs]]
[[Category:Films about cloning]]
[[Category:Spy films]]
[[Category:Moon-related films]]
[[Category:Films set in Seattle]]
[[Category:Screenplays by Michael McCullers]]
[[Category:1990s English-language films]]
[[Category:Films set in the 1960s]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>The Departed</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>36287</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3942459</id>
      <parentid>3939715</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-05-18T18:55:06Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>~2026-27223-47</username>
        <id>3316188</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>I added two photos of John F. Kennedy and John Lennon with more quotes from the film.</comment>
      <origin>3942459</origin>
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      <text bytes="26135" sha1="b0q3luik869autl4u9ej45m624796w7" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
[[File:ISH WC Boston4.jpg|thumb|I don't want to be a product of my environment. I want my environment to be a product of me.]]
'''''[[w:The Departed|The Departed]]''''' is a [[w:2006 in film|2006 film]] that follows three men: a crooked cop, the Irish mob boss he works for, and a straight cop that goes undercover to reveal them both. Based in Boston, this film covers the lies the two cops tell and the struggles they have keeping themselves afloat. Remake of the Hong Kong movie ''[[w:Infernal Affairs|Infernal Affairs]]'' and based on Irish mobster [[w:Whitey Bulger|Whitey Bulger]], who was still on the run at the time of the film.
:''Directed by [[Martin Scorsese]]. Written by [[w:William Monahan|William Monahan]].'' 
{{center|'''Lies. Betrayal. Sacrifice. How far will you take it?''' &lt;small&gt;[[#Taglines|Taglines]]&lt;/small&gt;}}

== Frank Costello ==
[[File:Jack Nicholson 2001.jpg|thumb|When you decide to be something, you can be it. That's what they don't tell you in the church. When I was your age they would say we can become cops, or criminals. Today, what I'm saying to you is this: when you're facing a loaded gun, what's the difference?]]
* I don't want to be a product of my environment. I want my environment to be a product of me. Years ago we had the church. That was only a way of saying - we had each other. The Knights of Columbus were real head-breakers; true guineas. They took over their piece of the city. Twenty years after an Irishman couldn't get a fucking job, we had [[w:John F. Kennedy|the presidency]]. [[w:Assassination of John F. Kennedy|May he rest in peace.]] That's what the niggers don't realize. If I got one thing against the black chappies, it's this - no one gives it to you. You have to take it.

* When you decide to be something, you can be it. That's what they don't tell you in the church. When I was your age they would say we can become cops, or criminals. Today, what I'm saying to you is this: when you're facing a loaded gun, what's the difference?

* The cops are saying he's a cop. So I won't look for the cop. Are you soft, Fitzy? When I tell you to dump a body in the marsh, you dump him ''in'' the marsh. Not where some guy from John Hancock goes every Thursday TO GET A FUCKING BLOWJOB! ''[Fitzy laughs, Frank hits him with his hat]'' DON'T LAUGH! THIS AIN'T REALITY TV!!!

* ''[to Colin]'' One of us had to die. With me, it tends to be the other guy.

* ''[Gives Billy a cellphone]'' Now, whenever you make a call, ask for Mikey. MIKEY! Heh...you ask for a Mikey, because there is no Mikey.

== Colin Sullivan ==
[[File:NASA Journey to Mars and “The Martian&quot; (201508180006HQ).jpg|thumb|I can't wait to see you explain this to a fucking Suffolk County Jury, you fucking cocksucker! This is gonna be fucking fun! Just fucking kill me. Just fucking kill me.]]
* ''[to Frank Costello before killing him]'' What? Like a son? To you? Is that what this is about? All that murdering, and fucking, and no sons. 
* ''[to Madolyn]'' If we're not gonna make it, it's gotta be you that gets out, cause I'm not capable. I'm fucking Irish, I'll deal with something being wrong for the rest of my life.

== Captain Ellerby ==
* ''[to Colin Sullivan]'' Marriage is an important part of getting ahead. It lets people know you're not a homo. A married guy seems more stable. People see the ring, they think 'at least somebody can stand the son of a bitch.' Ladies see the ring, they know immediately that you must have some cash, and your cock must work.

* Please tell me those cars aren't empty. I mean, Jesus fucking Christ, please tell me that those Chinamen's cars AREN'T EMPTY!!

* ''[after punching a computer technician]'' YOU FUCKED THIS WHOLE THING UP!!!! WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO, YOU COCKSUCKER?!?!?! LET GO OF ME!!!! I'M GONNA RIP YOUR ARM OFF AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR FUCKING ASS, YOU HEAR ME?!?!?!

* Most people wouldn't trust anybody with an immaculate record. I do. I got an immaculate record.

== Dialogue ==
[[File:Leonardo Dicaprio Cannes 2019.jpg|thumb|Costello recorded everything. He put all the tapes in a little box and kept them with his lawyer, that was his insurance. His lawyer came to me. Imagine that, you rat fuck. Costello trusted me more than anyone. Sound quality good enough? Cause I was a little worried.]]
[[File:John F. Kennedy, White House color photo portrait.jpg|thumb|20 years after an Irishman couldn't get a fucking job, we had the presidency, may he rest in peace.]]
[[File:John Lennon &quot;Walls and Bridges&quot; 1974 press photo 2 (color).jpg|thumb|Lennon said: &quot;I'm an artist. You give me a fucking tuba and I'll get you something out of it.&quot; The point I'm making with John Lennon is: a man could look at anything and make something out of it. For instance, I look at you and I think, &quot;What could I use you for?&quot;]]
:'''Frank Costello''': Amen. The Church wants you in your place. Kneel, stand, kneel, stand. If you go for that sort of thing, I don't know what to do for you. A man makes his own way. No one gives it to you. You have to take it. [[w:Non Serviam|Non Serviam]] 
:'''Colin Sullivan''': [[James Joyce]].
:'''Frank Costello''': Smart, Colin.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Frank Costello''': Who let this IRA motherfucker in my bar? ''[the man looks startled]'' ''[laughs]'' Only kidding. How's your mother?
:'''Man in Costello's Bar''': Oh... I'm afraid she's on her way out.
:'''Frank Costello''': ''[walks away]'' We all are. Act accordingly. ''[smiles and he straightens tie]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ellerby''': ''[during a conference briefing about Costello and his crew]'' Staff Sergeant Dignam is our liaison to the the undercover department, his undercover work is extensive. He's here to give us his report. Sergeant Dignam.
:'''Dignam''': OK. My people are out there. They're like fuckin' Indians. You're not gonna see 'em you're not gonna hear about 'em except from me or Captain Queenan. You will not ever know the identity of undercover people. Unfortunately, this shithole has more fuckin' leaks than the Iraqi Navy.
:'''Ellerby''': Fuck yourself.
:'''Dignam''': I'm tired from fuckin' your wife.
:'''Ellerby''': How's your mother?
:'''Dignam''': Good, she's tired from fuckin' my father. Good. Today, girls, what I have for you is microprocessors. Somebody as you may already know stole 20 microprocessors from the Mass Processor Company out on Route 128. These are the kind of processors they put into computers that can put a cruise missile up the ass of a camel from a couple hundred miles away. Now get this, we get a guy working for the company two months; walks right out the front door with a box of processors on Tuesday, has a ticket booked for Florida on Wednesday, but on Thursday, he gets found in a dumpster. You know where that dirtball started his life? Southie projects.
:'''Colin Sullivan''': What was his name? The departed?
:'''Dignam''': Miles Kenefick. Got a job to forge U-Mass transcript. U-Mass Boston, which just happens to be-
:'''Frank Lazio''': ''[interrupting]'' South Boston?
:'''Dignam''': Well, you're a fuckin' genius, huh! Who forged your transcript, ''dickhead''?
:'''Colin Sullivan''': Hey this guy, his old man runs the Hibernian Liquor Mart. Kenefick's.
:'''Ellerby''': We're not here to solve the case of the missing scumbag, we're here to nail Costello.
:'''Dignam''': Alright look. We got a guy who says he hears Costello's moving the processors to China. We set up a whole fuckin' job in Pop Kenefick. You ''do not'' want to miss it if Costello takes a dump.
:'''Ellerby''': We'd miss a lot less if you made your informants available to us at the cost of the Bureau. ''[Dignam scoffs]''
:'''Frank Lazio''': We're not asking for too many details. Do you have anyone in with Costello presently?
:'''Dignam''': Maybe. Maybe not. ''Maybe fuck yourself''. My theory on Feds is they're like mushrooms. ''Feed 'em shit and keep 'em in the dark.'' You girls have a good day.
:'''Ellerby''': Normally he's a very, uh, ''nice guy''.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Queenan''': Congratulations on passing the detective's exam, and welcome to the Special Investigation Unit.
:'''Dignam''': Whoop-da-fucking-do.
:'''Queenan''': We won't be working together, that is, directly. You'll be working for Captain Ellerby, but I like to watch everybody.
:'''Queenan''': You're a worker. You rise fast.
:'''Staff Sergeant Dignam''': Like a 12-year-old's dick.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Queenan''': Do you know what we do here? in my section?
:'''Billy Costigan''': Sir, yes, sir. I have an idea...
:'''Dignam''': Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's say you have no idea and leave it at that, okay? No idea. Zip. None. If you had an idea of what we do, we would not be good at what we do, now would we? We would be cunts. Are you calling us cunts?
:'''Queenan''': Staff Sergeant Dignam has a style of his own. I'm afraid we all have to get used to it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dignam''': Your fuckin' family's dug into the Southie projects like ticks. Three-decker men at best. You, however, grew up on the North Shore, huh? Well, la-di-fuckin'-da. You were kind of a double kid, I bet, right? Huh? One kid with your old man, one kid with your mother. You're upper-middle class during the weeks, then you're droppin' your &quot;R&quot;s and you're hangin' in the big, bad Southie projects with your daddy, the fuckin' donkey on the weekends. I got that right? ''[Costigan does not answer]'' Yup. You have different accents? You did, didn't you? You little fuckin' snake. You were like different people.
:'''Billy Costigan''': You a psychiatrist?
:'''Dignam''': Well, if I was I'd ask you why you're a Statie making 30 grand a year. And I think if I was Sigmund fuckin' Freud I wouldn't get an answer. So tell me, what's a lace-curtain motherfucker like you doing in the Staties? 
:'''Billy Costigan''': Well, &quot;Families are always rising and falling in America&quot;, am I right?
:'''Queenan''': Who said that?
:'''Billy Costigan''': [[Nathaniel Hawthorne|Hawthorne]].
:'''Dignam''': Pfft! What's the matter, smart ass? Don't know any fuckin' [[Shakespeare]]?
:'''Queenan''': We have a question: Do you want to be a cop, or do you want to appear to be a cop? It's an honest question. A lot of guys just want to appear to be cops. Gun, badge, pretend they're on TV. 
:'''Dignam''': Yeah, a lot of people just wanna slam a nigger's head through a plate-glass window. 
:'''Billy Costigan''': I'm all set without your own personal job application. Alright, Sergeant? 
:'''Dignam''': What the fuck did you say to me, trainee? 
:'''Billy Costigan''': ''[to Queenan]'' With all due respect, sir, what do you want from me? 
:'''Dignam''': Hey asshole, he can't help you! I know what you are, okay? I know what you are and I know what you are not. I'm the best friend you have on the face of this earth, and I'm gonna help you understand something, you punk. YOU'RE NO FUCKIN' COP! 
:'''Queenan''': He's right. We deal in deception here. What we do not deal with is self-deception. Five years from now, you can be anything else in the world, but you will never be a Massachusetts State Trooper. 
:'''Billy Costigan''': You sure of that?
:'''Queenan''': I'm sure.
:'''Dignam''': Guaran-fucking-teed. You got a 1400 on your SATs, kid. You're an astronaut, not a Statie.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. French''': Do you know me?
:'''Billy Costigan''': No. No.
:'''Mr. French''': Well, I'm the guy who tells you there's guys you can hit and guys you can't. Now, that's not quite a guy you can't hit, but he's almost a guy you can't hit. So I'm gonna make a fuckin' ruling on this right now: you don't fucking hit him. You understand?
:'''Billy Costigan''': Yeah, excellent. Fine, fine. Fine.
:'''Mr. French''': I fucking know you. I know your family. You make one more drug deal with that idiot, fucking cop-magnet of a cousin and I'll forget your grandmother was so nice to me. I'll cut your fucking nuts off. You understand that?
:'''Billy Costigan''': Yeah. Yeah, I do.
:'''Mr. French''': What are you drinking?
:'''Billy Costigan''': Cranberry juice.
:'''Mr. French''': What is it, your period? Get him a cranberry juice.

&lt;hr width = &quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ellerby''': Yeah, but cui bono?  Who benefits?
:'''Colin Sullivan''': Cui gives a shit?  It's got a fuckin' bow on it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Frank Costello''': I'm going to have my associate search you. 
:'''Billy Costigan''': No, no one's fucking searching me. Searching me for what? 
:'''Frank Costello''': Contra-fucking-band. Take your shoes off. 
:''[French slams Costigan into a chair]'' 
:'''Mr. French''': Shoes. 
:'''Frank Costello''': ''[to Costigan]'' I knew your father. 
:'''Billy Costigan''': Yeah? You know he's dead? 
:'''Frank Costello''': Oh, sorry. How'd he go? 
:'''Billy Costigan''': He didn't complain. 
:'''Frank Costello''': Yeah, that was his problem. 
:'''Billy Costigan''': Who said he had a problem? 
:'''Frank Costello''': I just said he had a fucking problem. There's a man who could have been anything. 
:'''Billy Costigan''': Are you trying to say he was nothing? 
:''[French slams Costigan onto a pool table and continues his search]'' 
:'''Frank Costello''': I'm saying he worked at the airport. 
:'''Mr. French''': He's clean.
:'''Frank Costello''': Arm. 
:'''Billy Costigan''': Arm? What fuckin' arm? 
:'''Mr. French''': ''[French pulls Costigan to a pool table]'' Show me your arm. Flip it. mmhmmm, mmhmmm... 
:''[French slams Costigan's arm on the table until the cast breaks, while Costigan screams in pain]'' 
:'''Frank Costello''': It makes me curious to see you in this neighborhood. 
:'''Mr. French''': ''[removing the cast]'' He's clean. 
:'''Frank Costello''': And if I can slander my own environment, it makes me sad. This, uh, regression. Plus, I don't know if it's beyond some fucking cop prick like Queenan to pull you out of the Staties and send you gift-wrapped to me. I just can't know. I wonder what they do in that particular department, anyway. 
:''[Costello slams on Costigan's broken arm with Costigan's boot]'' 
:'''Frank Costello''': ''[yelling]'' Are you still a cop? 
:'''Billy Costigan''': ''[in severe pain]'' No! 
:''[Costello whacks his arm again]'' 
:'''Frank Costello''': ''[yelling]'' Swear on your mother's grave. You're still not a cop? 
:'''Billy Costigan''': ''[painfully]'' I'm not a fucking cop! 
:''[Costello whacks his arm again, this time re-breaking it]'' 
:'''Frank Costello''': ''[yelling]'' Are you going to stop doing coke deals with your jerk-off fucking cousin? 
:'''Billy Costigan''': ''[weakly]'' Yes, yes, yes! 
:'''Frank Costello''': ''[patting his back]'' All right, all right. It's okay. You'll be be all right. Get your hand taken care of.
:''[throwing down some money]''
:'''Frank Costello''': I'm sorry, but it was necessary. As for our problem with Providence - let's not cry over some spilled guineas.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Frank Costello''': ''[Discussing Billy with Mr. French]'' Do you trust him?
:'''Mr. French''': Well, these days, who's reliable?
:'''Frank Costello''': His uncle Jackie was. I don't know...you just can't trust a guy who acts like he's got nothing to lose.
:'''Mr. French''': I'm reliable.
:'''Frank Costello''': Arnie, you're one in a million.
:'''Mr. French''': Ten. Ten million.
:'''Frank Costello''': What about your wife, Arnie?
:'''Mr. French''': I thought she was reliable.
:'''Frank Costello''': ''[Starts laughing]'' She wasn't!
:'''Mr. French''': ...Well, she ''got'' reliable. ''[Scene cuts to French strangling his wife]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dignam''': This is incredible. Who put the fucking cameras in this place?
:'''Surveillance Guy''': Who the fuck are you?
:'''Dignam''': I'm the guy who does his job. You must be the other guy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Frank Costello''': Have a seat, Bill. Do you know [[John Lennon]]? 
:'''Billy Costigan''': Yeah, sure, he was the president before [[Abraham Lincoln|Lincoln]]. 
:'''Frank Costello''': Lennon said, &quot;I'm an artist. You give me a fucking tuba, I'll get you something out of it.&quot; 
:'''Billy Costigan''': I tell you Mr. Costello, I'd like to squeeze some fucking money out of it. 
:'''Frank Costello''': Smart mouth. Too bad. ''[Picks up a bag with a disembodied hand in it]'' If you'll indulge me–
:''[Gwen walks through]''
:'''Frank Costello''': Now what?
:'''Gwen''': Choir practice.
:'''Frank Costello''': ''[Mutters]'' Choir practice. The point I'm making with John Lennon is: a man could look at anything and make something out of it. ''[Pulls the hand out of the bag, then takes the ring of its finger]'' For instance, I look at you and I think, &quot;What could I use you for?&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Frank Costello''': You know, if your father were alive, and he saw you here sitting with me, let's say he would have a word with me about this. In fact, he'd kill seven guys just to cut my throat, and he could do it. Which is maybe something you don't know about William Costigan, Sr. 
:'''Billy Costigan''': So he never? I mean, never? 
:'''Frank Costello''': No. He kept his own counsel. He never wanted money. You can't do anything with a man like that. Your Uncle Jackie, he also would kill my entire fucking family if he saw me here with you. And I think about this. 
:'''Billy Costigan''': ''[confused]'' So what the fuck are we talking about here? 
:'''Frank Costello''': Did you ever think about going back to school? 
:'''Billy Costigan''': School? ''[laughs]'' All due respect Mr. Costello, school is out. 
:'''Frank Costello''': ''[annoyed]'' Maybe someday you'll wake the fuck up.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Frank Costello''': I got this rat, this gnawing, cheese eating fuckin' rat and it brings up questions... You know, see, Bill, like you're the new guy. Girlfriend... Why don't you stay in the bar that night I got your numbers. Social Security numbers. Everybody's fuckin' numbers.
:'''Billy Costigan''': Is there something that you just wanna go ahead and ask me? 'Cause I'll give you the fuckin' answer, all right? Frank, look at me. Look at me. I'm not the fuckin' rat. Okay? I'm not the fuckin' rat.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Madolyn''': What do you expect coming in here? 
:'''Billy Costigan''': I ''have'' to come here. 
:'''Madolyn''': I know you have to come here, but now that you're here, what do you want? 
:'''Billy Costigan''': You want the truth? Valium. 
:'''Madolyn''': You know if you lied, you would have an easier time getting what you wanted. 
:'''Billy Costigan''': What does that say about what you do for a living? 
:'''Madolyn''': I just think we should have a few more meetings before we even talk about prescriptions. 
:'''Billy Costigan''': Look...look, I'm having panic attacks, alright? The other night I thought I was having a fucking heart attack. I puked in a trash barrel on the way over here. I haven't slept for fucking weeks. 
:'''Madolyn''': Is that true? 
:'''Billy Costigan''': Yeah, that's true. Alright? I said it was fucking true. I want some fucking pills and you're gonna what? You're gonna close my file? Is that what you're going to do? 
:'''Madolyn''': No, I didn't close your file. I--
:'''Billy Costigan''': I thought I was supposed to tell the truth here, if only fucking here! 
:'''Madolyn''': You are! You are! 
:'''Billy Costigan''': Christ. I mean, a guy comes in here against every, every instinct of privacy and self-reliance he has and what do you do? What do you do, huh? You send him off on the street to score smack, is that what you do? You're fucking ridiculous! 
:''[Madolyn hands Costigan some Valium]'' 
:'''Billy Costigan''': ''[picking up the pills]'' Two pills? Great. Why don't you just give me a bottle of scotch and a handgun to blow my fucking head off! Are we done here with this psychiatry bullshit? 
:'''Madolyn''': You know what? You can leave! 
:'''Billy Costigan''': What the fuck did I just put myself through? I'm fucking out of here. And what if that was a legitimate threat? Think about it, fucking hotshot!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Billy Costigan''': You're 70 fucking years old. One of these guys is going to pop you. As for running drugs, what the fuck? You don't need the pain in the ass, and they're going to catch you. And you don't need the money.
:'''Frank Costello''': I haven't &quot;needed the money&quot; since I took Archie's milk money in the third grade. Tell you the truth, I don't need pussy any more either...but I like it. Point I'm making here is, Bill, I got this rat. This...gnawing, cheese-eating fucking rat...And it brings up questions. You know, say, Bill, like you're the new guy...Girlfriend...Why didn't you stay in the bar that night I got your numbers? Social security numbers. Everybody's fucking numbers.
:'''Billy Costigan''': Is - is there something you wanna go ahead and ask me? 'Cause I'll go ahead give you the fucking answer, all right? Frank, look at me. Look at me. I'm not the fucking rat, okay? I'm not the fucking rat!
:'''Frank Costello''': Start with, you agree there is a rat.
:'''Billy Costigan''': You said there is one all right? I base most of what I do on the idea that you're pretty fucking good at what you do!
:'''Frank Costello''': Sure, sure, all that aside...but you, William, what would you do?
:'''Billy Costigan''': Frank, how many of these guys have been with you long enough to be disgruntled, huh? Think about it. You don't pay much, you know. It's almost a fuckin' feudal enterprise. The question is, and this is the only question, who thinks that they can do what you do better than you?
:'''Frank Costello''': The only one that can do what I do is me. Lot of people had to die for me to be me. You wanna be me?
:'''Billy Costigan''': I probably could be you, yeah. Yeah, I know that much. But I don't wanna be you, Frank. I don't wanna be you.
:'''Frank Costello''': [[w:Henry_IV,_Part_2#Pop_culture|Heavy lies the crown]]...sort of thing.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Frank Costello''': How the fuck did this happen?
:'''Colin Sullivan''': You're an FBI informant? Are you fucking kidding me? 
:'''Frank Costello''': ''[coughs blood]'' Grow up! ''[laughing]'' Of course I talked to the FBI. 
:'''Colin Sullivan''': Do they know who I am? 
:'''Frank Costello''': I-I never gave up anybody who wasn't going down anyway. Nobody knows nothin'. 
:'''Colin Sullivan''': Frank...Frank...Frank. Do they know about me? 
:'''Frank Costello''': ''I'' know about you, Colin. You know I'd never give you up. You're like a--
:'''Colin Sullivan''': What, like a son? To you? Is that what this is about? All that murderin' and fuckin', and no sons? 
:''[Costello shoots at Sullivan, Sullivan shoots Costello in the chest. Costello falls down, shoots at Sullivan one last time before being fatally shot]''
:'''Colin Sullivan''': ''[shooting]'' FUCKING RAT PRICK!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[catching Sullivan off guard]''
:'''Billy Costigan''': FREEZE!
:'''Colin Sullivan''': Hey, whoa! 
:'''Billy Costigan''': Put your fucking hands up!
:'''Colin Sullivan''': Put the fucking gun down! Put the gun down. I came to talk sense into you.
:'''Billy Costigan''': HANDS!
:'''Colin Sullivan''': All right. Just act professional. I can get your money.
:'''Billy Costigan''': What'd you say?
:'''Colin Sullivan''': I can get you your money. ''[Costigan strikes him with his gun and cuffs him]'' 
:'''Billy Costigan''': You didn't come here to talk. You came here to get arrested.
:'''Colin Sullivan''': You have fucking tapes of what? Costello was my informant! I was a rat? FUCK YOU! Prove it! He was working for me. He was MY INFORMANT!
:'''Billy Costigan''': Shut your fucking mouth. Come on, get up!
:'''Colin Sullivan''': What is this, a citizen's arrest? Blow me. All right, only one of us is a cop here, Bill! You understand? No one knows who you fucking are!
:'''Billy Costigan''': Would you shut the fuck up?!
:'''Colin Sullivan''': I'm a sergeant in the Massachusetts State Police! Who the fuck are you? I ERASED YOU!
:'''Billy Costigan''': ''[slamming him against the wall]'' You erased me, huh?
:'''Colin Sullivan''': Yeah, go ahead. Shoot a cop, Einstein. Watch what happens.
:'''Billy Costigan''': Well, what happens is the bullet will go RIGHT THROUGH YOUR FUCKING HEAD!
:'''Colin Sullivan''': Watch what happens!
:'''Billy Costigan''': Why? So you can get the parade, huh? The bag pipes and bullshit? FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! I'M FUCKING ARRESTING YOU!
:'''Colin Sullivan''': That's the stupidest thing you could do.
:'''Billy Costigan''': ''[punching Sullivan with his gun with each word]'' SHUT THE FUCK UP! I could give a fuck if the charges don't stick. I'm still fucking arresting you.

&lt;hr width=“50%”/&gt;
''[Sullivan opens the door as he sees Dignam who points a gun at him]''
:'''Colin Sullivan''': Okay…
''[Dignam shoots Sullivan in the face as he walks away]''

== Taglines ==
* Lies. Betrayal. Sacrifice. How far will you take it?
* Underhanded
* Undercover
* Unrestrained
* Cops or Criminals. When you're facing a loaded gun, what's the difference?
* Loyalty is a lie.

== Cast ==
* [[Leonardo DiCaprio]] - Billy Costigan
* [[Matt Damon]] - Colin Sullivan
* [[w:Jack Nicholson|Jack Nicholson]] - Frank Costello
* [[Mark Wahlberg]] - Dignam
* [[Martin Sheen]] - Oliver Queenan
* [[w:Ray Winstone|Ray Winstone]] - Mr. French
* [[Vera Farmiga]] - Madolyn
* [[w:Anthony Anderson|Anthony Anderson]] - Brown
* [[Alec Baldwin]] - Ellerby
* [[w:Kevin Corrigan|Kevin Corrigan]] - Cousin Sean
* Tracey Paleo - Darlene the Secretary

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0407887|title=The Departed}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|id=departed|title=The Departed}}
* [http://thedeparted.warnerbros.com/ Official site]

{{DEFAULTSORT:Departed, The}}
[[Category:2006 films]]
[[Category:American action films]]
[[Category:Films about the Irish Mob]]
[[Category:Drama films]]
[[Category:2000s American films]]
[[Category:Films directed by Martin Scorsese]]
[[Category:Best Picture Academy Award winners]]
[[Category:Films about rats]]
[[Category:Films set in Boston]]
[[Category:Films whose writers won Best Adapted Screenplay Academy Award]]
[[Category:Films about police misconduct]]
[[Category:Films about police corruption]]
[[Category:Films about undercover police officers]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>The Pacifier</title>
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    <revision>
      <id>3942509</id>
      <parentid>3936638</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-05-18T19:56:00Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>~2026-13865-07</username>
        <id>3299083</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Dialogue */</comment>
      <origin>3942509</origin>
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      <text bytes="15957" sha1="lzcl25mh4vz92dz062qi8vnur8vsep1" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:The Pacifier|The Pacifier]]''''' is a [[w:2005 in film|2005 comedy film]] featuring [[Vin Diesel]] and [[Lauren Graham]]. The film tells the story of Navy SEAL Shane Wolfe who is assigned to protect five children from enemies of their scientist father who was recently deceased.
{{center|'''Prepare for bottle.'''&lt;small&gt;([[#Taglines|taglines]])&lt;/small&gt;}}
{{film-stub}}
==Lulu Plummer==
* Land! Solid land!!

==Dialogue==
:'''Shane Wolfe''': ''[first lines]'' Atten-hut! Here's our man. Professor Howard Plummer. He's been kidnapped by a group of Serbian rebels. Yeah, I know we've been up for 72 hours, but I expect perfection. Nothing else. The enemy has a boat, 4 jet skis, and a chopper.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Shane catches Zoe's boyfriend, Scott, trying to get into the house and acts like an overprotective father]''
:'''Scott''': What's your problem, man? Hey, get off me!
:'''Zoe''': Oh, my God! What are you doing, you spaz? That's my boyfriend!
:'''Shane Wolfe''': So you're the one that has been breaking in! Go back inside!
:'''Zoe''': No!
:'''Mrs. Chun''': ''[speaks Korean]''
:'''Shane Wolfe''': ''[speaks Korean]''
:'''Mr. Chun''': Oh, we speak English, buddy.
:'''Mrs. Chun''': Look, about the sirens and the strobe lights. We own a bakery, so we're up kind of early. Would you mind?
:'''Shane Wolfe''': Sorry. ''[sirens stop]''
:'''Mr. Chun''': Oh, and we found this in our pool filter. Try to keep that zoo reined in, huh, babysitter?
:'''Scott''': Yo, fool, handle me like that again and I'll be forced to lay knuckles upside your head.
:'''Zoe''': Okay. Enough is enough! Come on, Scott. Let's go. Come on.
:'''Shane Wolfe''': ''[pulls Scott back]'' No, you don't. Get back here. Give me 20. ''[Scott pulls out his wallet to give Shane $20]'' I meant push-ups.
:'''Scott''': Zoe?
:'''Shane Wolfe''': Drop down! Do 20! ''[Scott does push-ups]''
:'''Zoe''': Okay, this is not the Army or the Navy. Real nice move, Lieutenant Smooth. He'll probably never speak to me.
:'''Shane Wolfe''': Then I did you a favor.
:'''Zoe''': Whoa, personal bubble invasion.
:'''Shane Wolfe''': Your mother was worried sick about you. You should just call her and tell her the truth.
:'''Zoe''': Oh, I'm sure you'll take care of that for me. Stay out of my life. ''[Zoe tries to kick Shane, but Shane grabs her foot]'' Wait, you can't do this! I have plans! It's Saturday night! Ow!
:'''Shane Wolfe''': Not anymore. ''[slams the bedroom door]'' ''[to Seth]'' You too. Lights out.
:'''Seth''': ''[scoffs]'' Bite me.
:'''Shane Wolfe''': Boy, this family is in for a rude awakening.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Shane Wolfe''': Got them here. My fault.
:'''Murney''': Yeah, I always said these kids needed a parole officer. I guess Mrs. Plummer thought so too, huh? Wow, you got a real upper torso going on, huh? You ever do any time?
:'''Seth''': ''[low]'' Sasquatch.
:'''Murney''': You got something to say, boy?
:'''Seth''': No.
:'''Murney''': No? Good. Wow, it looks like you have a pair of legs coming out of your shoulders. You hit the gym a lot, do you?
:'''Shane Wolfe''': Eh.
:'''Seth''': ''[low tone]'' Woolly mammoth.
:'''Murney''': All right, you know what, Creeper? You just bought yourself an extra 15 minutes on the mats with the Murninator!
:'''Shane Wolfe''': Excuse me. Lieutenant Shane Wolfe. I'm watching the kids for the Plummers, a few days.
:'''Murney''': Oh, babysitter, huh? Well, good, whatever job you can get, right? I'm Murney, Dwayne Murney. My friends call me &quot;Little Puppet&quot;. I'm the VP here. I'm in charge of discipline, conduct and truancy from top to bottom, K through 12. You're in my house now, strong man.
:'''Shane Wolfe''': You're the vice principal.
:'''Murney''': And the wrestling coach. See the Creeper over there? He has played hooky from every wrestling practice this month. And her, she has missed 22 Driver's Ed classes out of 23! These are the worst students in my school. I'm ashamed of...
:'''Claire Fletcher''': Your school? Good morning, kids. ''[clears throat]'' Mr. Murney, thank you so much for watching my chair for me. I'll take it from here.
:'''Murney''': Roger that. Absolutely. I was just informing our new friend here about some of the duties as vice principal.
:'''Claire Fletcher''': Yes, and speaking of which, how's it going with the investigation into the baloney slices on the cafeteria ceiling?
:'''Murney''': Oh, that's been taking some interesting turns.
:'''Claire Fletcher''': You just keep up the good work.
:'''Murney''': Right then. I'll be on the roof.
:'''Claire Fletcher''': Bye, now. All right, kids, I think it's time to get back to class. I'll cut you some slack seeing as it's Lieutenant Wolfe's first day. Thank you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Seth''': Hey!
:'''Shane Wolfe''': Enough.
:'''Murney''': All right, you heard the lady. Let's break it up, guys. Come on. Hmm? Relax, Popeye. Boys will be boys, huh? Anyway, it's kinda good for the creeper. Gives him a chance to punk up. Learn to defend himself.
:'''Shane Wolfe''': Six against one?
:'''Murney''': Well, you know, the odds are never pretty, but look at it, as like, a preparation for him. You know, the naked streets of Bethesda can be so dark and dangerous, right, creeper? ''[Seth angrily tries to attack Murney, but Shane restrains him]''
:'''Shane Wolfe''': Ooh, whoa.
:'''Murney''': You're pretty quick there, frogman. I, myself, happen to be a blackbelt. That's why they wanted me to coach the wrestling team. Ooh-aah! Sensei. You know what that's called, homeboy? Total control. You all right? Hmm? I tell you what, maybe sometime you can pop by our wrestling class, and we'll show a couple pros how it's done. What do you think? I'll go easy on you.
:'''Shane Wolfe''': I'm on duty.
:'''Murney''': You're on duty. Oh, that's right. That's right, you're a babysitter. So it's kind of like &quot;doo-doo duty&quot;. Don't worry about it. We'll do it on a day when you're not washing your hair, hmm? And I'll see you in class. At ease.
:'''Shane Wolfe''': That guy don't have his head on right.
:'''Seth''': I was fine. I don't need your help.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Seth''': What are you doing?
:'''Shane Wolfe''': You're burning daylight. Move!
:'''Seth''': It's Sunday. And it's 6:00 am. You're insane!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Shane Wolfe''': Okay, so she wrecked the Driver's Ed car. The insurance will pay for it.
:'''Murney''': They were parallel parking when the instructor jumped from the car. But it's not about her. It's about the boy.
:'''Shane Wolfe''': Has he been skipping class again?
:'''Claire Fletcher''': Skipping class? He always skips sixth period, but...
:'''Murney''': All right, Seth! Okay, take off the hat.
:'''Shane Wolfe''': Go ahead.
:'''Murney''': Look at that. That's how he showed up for practice today. And that's not all. I was doing a little recon in his locker and I found this, okay? ''[holds up a Nazi armband, part of Seth's &quot;Young Rolf&quot; costume]'' Now if it was a girlie magazine or a hamster, fine. Boys will be boys. But this is sick.
:'''Shane Wolfe''': All right, he dyed his hair. He's not a Nazi.
:'''Claire Fletcher''': This is not normal. We're very concerned. ''[bell rings]'' All right, kids, why don't you get back to class? Mr. Murney, would you give me a minute? Look, I'm sure this is about their father. We've tried to get Seth and Zoe to talk to the school psychologist, but they won't. Maybe you can get through to them and see what's going on?
:'''Shane Wolfe''': I'll talk to them and see what I can do.
:'''Claire Fletcher''': Thanks.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 
:'''Lulu''': Hi. Zoe says you look like the Hulk. I think you're cute.
:'''Shane''': ''[stunned]'' Thank you.
:'''Lulu''': Do you know kung-fu?
:'''Shane Wolfe''': Yes.
:'''Lulu''': Have you ever punch a guy so hard his head came off?
:'''Shane Wolfe''': No.
:'''Lulu''': Why are your boobs so big?
:'''Shane Wolfe''': ''[shocked]'' They are not... boobs.
:'''Lulu''': Do you have to wear a bra? Will mine be as big as yours one day?
:'''Shane Wolfe''': You know what, little girl? I think it's time you went nappy-poo in beddy-bye land.
:'''Lulu''': Do I look like I'm five to you?
:'''Shane Wolfe''': What did I say?
:'''Lulu''': Disrespectful. And to think I was interested in you.
:'''Shane Wolfe''': Okay, troops! Breakfast! What are you waiting for? Dig in. Feel free to mix and match. Stay away from the cheese. It'll back you up. Don't worry about running out. I can get lots more of these. I've survived months off this stuff.
:'''Zoe''': Okay, like, I'm really gonna eat all of these carbs?
:'''Lulu''': I can cross my eyes. Wanna see?
:'''Shane Wolfe''': No.
:'''Tyler''': ''[cries]''
:'''Lulu''': Tyler hates it when I do that.
:'''Shane Wolfe''': I know how he feels. What's he...? Red Four! ''[phone rings]'' Plummer residence. Yes, I know it's Monday today. No, Mrs. Plummer's away. Yes, we'll be right there.
:'''Zoe''': Who was that?
:'''Shane Wolfe''': Your vice principal. He said that if you and Seth are late again, you're both suspended. He wants to see you in his office right away.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Zoe''': Come on, Seth. You've been in there for an hour. Thanks a lot, Lieutenant Loser. Now I'm gonna be the school joke. I don't even know what I'm gonna say to my friends.
:'''Shane Wolfe''': You call those people your friends? They have no respect for you. They have no respect for your home. You have no respect for yourself.
:'''Zoe''': I do, too, respect myself.
:'''Shane Wolfe''': Company downstairs. And that means you too.
:'''Zoe''': You're not my dad. In case you haven't noticed, this family is going through a really hard time, and you're just making everything a lot worse. You have no feelings. We hate you, and you hate us. So why don't you just leave us alone?
:'''Shane Wolfe''': Don't worry. When your mom comes back, I'm gone. ''[crash]'' Now what?
:'''Zoe''': Scott.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Helga''': ''[to Shane]'' Tell me, are you licensed to kill?
:'''Shane Wolfe''': No, ma'am.
:'''Helga''': Hmm. Too bad. It could have come in handy.
:''[Later , at night, Shane hears noises and rushes downstairs to see Lulu playing video games and Zoe talking on the phone]''
:'''Shane Wolfe''': Where's the baby? ''[Lulu points to the kitchen]'' Is there anyone here who understands the meaning of the word &quot;discipline&quot;?
:'''Helga''': Hey, Flipper, you don't like it? Do something. I make bottle. ''[Peter throws some cereal onto Helga and Tyler cries]'' Thank you, Peter.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Murney''': I don't think you understand. Don't you ever do that again. Is that clear? Okay, I've had it. I caught the kid dancing on the bleachers to no music. I want him out of my class. Somebody's gotta give this punk a talking to.
:'''Shane Wolfe''': Seth?
:'''Murney''': Well, you got something to say, twinkle toes?
:'''Seth''': Yeah. Yeah, I do, Murney. I quit.
:'''Murney''': You quit. You know why you quit? Because you're a quitter. And everybody knows that quitters quit. What are you scared of, huh, Prancer?
:'''Seth''': I'm not scared. I want to act.
:'''Murney''': And I want to take up origami.
:'''Seth''': I'm in ''The Sound of Music''.
:'''Murney''': Oh, a musical. So you're giving up wrestling to be in a musical. You see, that's what happens when there isn't a man in the house.
:'''Seth''': There is a man in the house. It's me.
:'''Murney''': ''[laughs]'' Well, it's gotta be a tiny house. You think you're tough, boy, don't you? Wanna shave the tiger? Do you? Huh? You want it tough?
:'''Shane Wolfe''': Where did you wanna do this?
:'''Murney''': What are you talking about, babysitter?
:'''Shane Wolfe''': You said you wanted to wrestle. Where? When?
:'''Murney''': After school.
:'''Shane Wolfe''': Okay. Today?
:'''Murney''': That's right, the gym, okay? Remember, you mess with the bull, you get the horns. ''[snorts]'' Out of my way!
:'''Shane Wolfe''': How did that feel?
:'''Seth''': It was good.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lulu''': Shane. You can't do this. You can't leave a man behind.
:'''Seth''': Hold on, I got it. ''[open bottle with milk awake Shane]''
:'''Zoe and Lulu''': Shane!
:'''Zoe''': Where's Mom?
:'''Shane Wolfe''': Mom? I'll find her. You guys run and get help. ''[four kids running in Julie's car.]'' Hurry!
:'''Lulu''': Are you sure you're gonna be okay?
:'''Shane Wolfe''': Yes, Lulu. Go, get help.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Zoe''': Oh, my God! What do we do?
:'''Seth''': Find a cop.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Zoe''': He's gaining on us.
:'''Seth''': I'll handle it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Julie Plummer''': I knew Howard; you haven't a chance!
:'''Shane Wolfe''': [''slowly''] &quot;When you're low… lower than the floor… and you think you haven't got a chance… don't make a move 'til you're in the groove: do the Peter Panda Dance!&quot;.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[while Bill and Mrs. Chun are distracted, Shane pulls Julie out of Bill's grasp and leg sweeps them both. Shane struggles with Bill until Mrs. Chun jumps onto Shane. Bill accidentally hits Mrs Chun and he and Shane trade blows and Shane knocks Bill to the ground, then Bill holds Shane at gunpoint]''
:'''Bill Fawcett''': Any last words, Shane?
:'''Shane Wolfe''': Say good night, Peter Panda.
:''[The safe opens up, and knocks Bill to the floor.]''
:'''Julie Plummer''': Shane, are you okay? ''[Julie punches Mrs. Chun the face]'' She was never a good neighbor.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Seth''': Zoe, you're going too fast. You're not gonna have time to stop.
:'''Zoe''': Who said anything about stopping? I'm parking.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Shane Wolfe''': Gary, now!
:''[Gary the duck bites Mr. Chun.]'' 
:'''Mr. Chun''': AAAHHH!!!!!!!!!
:''[Claire kicks the back of Mr. Chun, turns around and knocks him unconscious.]''
:'''Claire Fletcher''': Couldn't let you have all the fun.
:''[Claire gets off; Mr. Chun is arrested. Shane takes the GHOST disc. Julie Plummer, Zoe, Seth, Lulu, Peter &amp; Tyler sigh happily and embrace. Bill Fawcett &amp; Mrs. Chun are arrested.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Claire Fletcher''': Looks like you have a hit on your hands.
:'''Shane Wolfe''': You think so?
:'''Claire Fletcher''': Mm-hmm. You should take over the drama department instead of the wrestling team. ''[She and Shane chuckle]'' It's gonna be nice having you around now. Now that Murney's found his true calling.
:'''Murney''': ''[singing]'' Climb every mountain/Ford every stream…
:'''Shane Wolfe''': It's gonna be my pleasure serving with you.
:''[He and Claire share a kiss]''

==Taglines==
* Welcome to the infantry.
* This Navy S.E.A.L. Meets His Match.
* Prepare for bottle.
* Prepare for bottle. Prepare for battle.

==Teams==
* Shane Wolfe vs Bill Fawcett (final battle)
* Julie Plummer vs Mrs. Chun (final battle)
* Claire Fletcher vs Mr. Chun (final defeat)

==Cast==
* [[w:Vin Diesel|Vin Diesel]] as Lieutenant Shane Wolfe
* [[Lauren Graham]] as Claire Fletcher
* [[w:Faith Ford|Faith Ford]] as Julie Plummer
* [[w:Brittany Snow|Brittany Snow]] as Zoe Plummer
* [[w:Max Thieriot|Max Thieriot]] as Seth Plummer
* [[w:Chris Potter (actor)|Chris Potter]] as Captain Bill Fawcett
* [[w:Morgan York|Morgan York]] as Lulu Plummer
* [[w:Scott Thompson (comedian)|Scott Thompson]] as the director of a local production of ''[[The Sound of Music]]''
* [[w:Carol Kane|Carol Kane]] as Helga Popescu
* [[w:Brad Garrett|Brad Garrett]] as Vice Principal Dwayne Murney
* [[w:Kegan and Logan Hoover|Keegan and Logan Hoover]] as Peter Plummer
* [[w:Bo and Luke Vink|Bo and Luke Vink]] as Baby Tyler Plummer
* [[w:Tate Donovan|Tate Donovan]] as Howard Plummer
* [[w:Dennis Akayama|Dennis Akayama]] as Mr. Chun
* [[w:Mung-Ling Tsui|Mung-Ling Tsui]] as Mrs. Chun

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
*{{IMDb title|0395699|The Pacifier}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Pacifier, The}}
[[Category:2005 films]]
[[Category:2000s American films]]
[[Category:Action comedy films]]
[[Category:Films about widowhood]]
[[Category:Films about siblings]]
[[Category:Films directed by Adam Shankman]]</text>
      <sha1>lzcl25mh4vz92dz062qi8vnur8vsep1</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3942510</id>
      <parentid>3942509</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-05-18T20:11:38Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>~2026-13865-07</username>
        <id>3299083</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Dialogue */</comment>
      <origin>3942510</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="15968" sha1="t3dvsdr3aacsj6dt2gssp98d74fybk9" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:The Pacifier|The Pacifier]]''''' is a [[w:2005 in film|2005 comedy film]] featuring [[Vin Diesel]] and [[Lauren Graham]]. The film tells the story of Navy SEAL Shane Wolfe who is assigned to protect five children from enemies of their scientist father who was recently deceased.
{{center|'''Prepare for bottle.'''&lt;small&gt;([[#Taglines|taglines]])&lt;/small&gt;}}
{{film-stub}}
==Lulu Plummer==
* Land! Solid land!!

==Dialogue==
:'''Shane Wolfe''': ''[first lines]'' Atten-hut! Here's our man. Professor Howard Plummer. He's been kidnapped by a group of Serbian rebels. Yeah, I know we've been up for 72 hours, but I expect perfection. Nothing else. The enemy has a boat, 4 jet skis, and a chopper.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Shane catches Zoe's boyfriend, Scott, trying to get into the house and acts like an overprotective father]''
:'''Scott''': What's your problem, man? Hey, get off me!
:'''Zoe''': Oh, my God! What are you doing, you spaz? That's my boyfriend!
:'''Shane Wolfe''': So you're the one that has been breaking in! Go back inside!
:'''Zoe''': No!
:'''Mrs. Chun''': ''[speaks Korean]''
:'''Shane Wolfe''': ''[speaks Korean]''
:'''Mr. Chun''': Oh, we speak English, buddy.
:'''Mrs. Chun''': Look, about the sirens and the strobe lights. We own a bakery, so we're up kind of early. Would you mind?
:'''Shane Wolfe''': Sorry. ''[sirens stop]''
:'''Mr. Chun''': Oh, and we found this in our pool filter. Try to keep that zoo reined in, huh, babysitter?
:'''Scott''': Yo, fool, handle me like that again and I'll be forced to lay knuckles upside your head.
:'''Zoe''': Okay. Enough is enough! Come on, Scott. Let's go. Come on.
:'''Shane Wolfe''': ''[pulls Scott back]'' No, you don't. Get back here. Give me 20. ''[Scott pulls out his wallet to give Shane $20]'' I meant push-ups.
:'''Scott''': Zoe?
:'''Shane Wolfe''': Drop down! Do 20! ''[Scott does push-ups]''
:'''Zoe''': Okay, this is not the Army or the Navy. Real nice move, Lieutenant Smooth. He'll probably never speak to me.
:'''Shane Wolfe''': Then I did you a favor.
:'''Zoe''': Whoa, personal bubble invasion.
:'''Shane Wolfe''': Your mother was worried sick about you. You should just call her and tell her the truth.
:'''Zoe''': Oh, I'm sure you'll take care of that for me. Stay out of my life. ''[Zoe tries to kick Shane, but Shane grabs her foot]'' Wait, you can't do this! I have plans! It's Saturday night! Ow!
:'''Shane Wolfe''': Not anymore. ''[slams the bedroom door]'' ''[to Seth]'' You too. Lights out.
:'''Seth''': ''[scoffs]'' Bite me.
:'''Shane Wolfe''': Boy, this family is in for a rude awakening.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Shane Wolfe''': Got them here. My fault.
:'''Murney''': Yeah, I always said these kids needed a parole officer. I guess Mrs. Plummer thought so too, huh? Wow, you got a real upper torso going on, huh? You ever do any time?
:'''Seth''': ''[low]'' Sasquatch.
:'''Murney''': You got something to say, boy?
:'''Seth''': No.
:'''Murney''': No? Good. Wow, it looks like you have a pair of legs coming out of your shoulders. You hit the gym a lot, do you?
:'''Shane Wolfe''': Eh.
:'''Seth''': ''[low tone]'' Woolly mammoth.
:'''Murney''': All right, you know what, Creeper? You just bought yourself an extra 15 minutes on the mats with the Murninator!
:'''Shane Wolfe''': Excuse me. Lieutenant Shane Wolfe. I'm watching the kids for the Plummers, a few days.
:'''Murney''': Oh, babysitter, huh? Well, good, whatever job you can get, right? I'm Murney, Dwayne Murney. My friends call me &quot;Little Puppet&quot;. I'm the VP here. I'm in charge of discipline, conduct and truancy from top to bottom, K through 12. You're in my house now, strong man.
:'''Shane Wolfe''': You're the vice principal.
:'''Murney''': And the wrestling coach. See the Creeper over there? He has played hooky from every wrestling practice this month. And her, she has missed 22 Driver's Ed classes out of 23! These are the worst students in my school. I'm ashamed of...
:'''Claire Fletcher''': Your school? Good morning, kids. ''[clears throat]'' Mr. Murney, thank you so much for watching my chair for me. I'll take it from here.
:'''Murney''': Roger that. Absolutely. I was just informing our new friend here about some of the duties as vice principal.
:'''Claire Fletcher''': Yes, and speaking of which, how's it going with the investigation into the baloney slices on the cafeteria ceiling?
:'''Murney''': Oh, that's been taking some interesting turns.
:'''Claire Fletcher''': You just keep up the good work.
:'''Murney''': Right then. I'll be on the roof.
:'''Claire Fletcher''': Bye, now. All right, kids, I think it's time to get back to class. I'll cut you some slack seeing as it's Lieutenant Wolfe's first day. Thank you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Seth''': Hey!
:'''Shane Wolfe''': Enough.
:'''Murney''': All right, you heard the lady. Let's break it up, guys. Come on. Hmm? Relax, Popeye. Boys will be boys, huh? Anyway, it's kinda good for the creeper. Gives him a chance to punk up. Learn to defend himself.
:'''Shane Wolfe''': Six against one?
:'''Murney''': Well, you know, the odds are never pretty, but look at it, as like, a preparation for him. You know, the naked streets of Bethesda can be so dark and dangerous, right, creeper? ''[Seth angrily tries to attack Murney, but Shane restrains him]''
:'''Shane Wolfe''': Ooh, whoa.
:'''Murney''': You're pretty quick there, frogman. I, myself, happen to be a blackbelt. That's why they wanted me to coach the wrestling team. Ooh-aah! Sensei. You know what that's called, homeboy? Total control. You all right? Hmm? I tell you what, maybe sometime you can pop by our wrestling class, and we'll show a couple pros how it's done. What do you think? I'll go easy on you.
:'''Shane Wolfe''': I'm on duty.
:'''Murney''': You're on duty. Oh, that's right. That's right, you're a babysitter. So it's kind of like &quot;doo-doo duty&quot;. Don't worry about it. We'll do it on a day when you're not washing your hair, hmm? And I'll see you in class. At ease.
:'''Shane Wolfe''': That guy don't have his head on right.
:'''Seth''': I was fine. I don't need your help.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Seth''': What are you doing?
:'''Shane Wolfe''': You're burning daylight. Move!
:'''Seth''': It's Sunday. And it's 6:00 am. You're insane!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Shane Wolfe''': Okay, so she wrecked the Driver's Ed car. The insurance will pay for it.
:'''Murney''': They were parallel parking when the instructor jumped from the car. But it's not about her. It's about the boy.
:'''Shane Wolfe''': Has he been skipping class again?
:'''Claire Fletcher''': Skipping class? He always skips sixth period, but...
:'''Murney''': All right, Seth! Okay, take off the hat.
:'''Shane Wolfe''': Go ahead.
:'''Murney''': Look at that. That's how he showed up for practice today. And that's not all. I was doing a little recon in his locker and I found this, okay? ''[holds up a Nazi armband, part of Seth's &quot;Young Rolf&quot; costume]'' Now if it was a girlie magazine or a hamster, fine. Boys will be boys. But this is sick.
:'''Shane Wolfe''': All right, he dyed his hair. He's not a Nazi.
:'''Claire Fletcher''': This is not normal. We're very concerned. ''[bell rings]'' All right, kids, why don't you get back to class? Mr. Murney, would you give me a minute? Look, I'm sure this is about their father. We've tried to get Seth and Zoe to talk to the school psychologist, but they won't. Maybe you can get through to them and see what's going on?
:'''Shane Wolfe''': I'll talk to them and see what I can do.
:'''Claire Fletcher''': Thanks.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 
:'''Lulu''': Hi. Zoe says you look like the Hulk. I think you're cute.
:'''Shane''': ''[stunned]'' Thank you.
:'''Lulu''': Do you know kung-fu?
:'''Shane Wolfe''': Yes.
:'''Lulu''': Have you ever punch a guy so hard his head came off?
:'''Shane Wolfe''': No.
:'''Lulu''': Why are your boobs so big?
:'''Shane Wolfe''': ''[shocked]'' They are not... boobs.
:'''Lulu''': Do you have to wear a bra? Will mine be as big as yours one day?
:'''Shane Wolfe''': You know what, little girl? I think it's time you went nappy-poo in beddy-bye land.
:'''Lulu''': Do I look like I'm five to you?
:'''Shane Wolfe''': What did I say?
:'''Lulu''': Disrespectful. And to think I was interested in you.
:'''Shane Wolfe''': Okay, troops! Breakfast! What are you waiting for? Dig in. Feel free to mix and match. Stay away from the cheese. It'll back you up. Don't worry about running out. I can get lots more of these. I've survived months off this stuff.
:'''Zoe''': Okay, like, I'm really gonna eat all of these carbs?
:'''Lulu''': I can cross my eyes. Wanna see?
:'''Shane Wolfe''': No.
:'''Tyler''': ''[cries]''
:'''Lulu''': Tyler hates it when I do that.
:'''Shane Wolfe''': I know how he feels. What's he...? Red Four! ''[phone rings]'' Plummer residence. Yes, I know it's Monday today. No, Mrs. Plummer's away. Yes, we'll be right there.
:'''Zoe''': Who was that?
:'''Shane Wolfe''': Your vice principal. He said that if you and Seth are late again, you're both suspended. He wants to see you in his office right away.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Zoe''': Come on, Seth. You've been in there for an hour. Thanks a lot, Lieutenant Loser. Now I'm gonna be the school joke. I don't even know what I'm gonna say to my friends.
:'''Shane Wolfe''': You call those people your friends? They have no respect for you. They have no respect for your home. You have no respect for yourself.
:'''Zoe''': I do, too, respect myself.
:'''Shane Wolfe''': Company downstairs. And that means you too.
:'''Zoe''': You're not my dad. In case you haven't noticed, this family is going through a really hard time, and you're just making everything a lot worse. You have no feelings. We hate you, and you hate us. So why don't you just leave us alone?
:'''Shane Wolfe''': Don't worry. When your mom comes back, I'm gone. ''[crash]'' Now what?
:'''Zoe''': Scott.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Helga''': ''[to Shane]'' Tell me, are you licensed to kill?
:'''Shane Wolfe''': No, ma'am.
:'''Helga''': Hmm. Too bad. It could have come in handy.
:''[Later , at night, Shane hears noises and rushes downstairs to see Lulu playing video games and Zoe talking on the phone]''
:'''Shane Wolfe''': Where's the baby? ''[Lulu points to the kitchen]'' Is there anyone here who understands the meaning of the word &quot;discipline&quot;?
:'''Helga''': Hey, Flipper, you don't like it? Do something. I make bottle. ''[Peter throws some cereal onto Helga and Tyler cries]'' Thank you, Peter.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Murney''': I don't think you understand. Don't you ever do that again. Is that clear? Okay, I've had it. I caught the kid dancing on the bleachers to no music. I want him out of my class. Somebody's gotta give this punk a talking to.
:'''Shane Wolfe''': Seth?
:'''Murney''': Well, you got something to say, twinkle toes?
:'''Seth''': Yeah. Yeah, I do, Murney. I quit.
:'''Murney''': You quit. You know why you quit? Because you're a quitter. And everybody knows that quitters quit. What are you scared of, huh, Prancer?
:'''Seth''': I'm not scared. I want to act.
:'''Murney''': And I want to take up origami.
:'''Seth''': I'm in ''The Sound of Music''.
:'''Murney''': Oh, a musical. So you're giving up wrestling to be in a musical. You see, that's what happens when there isn't a man in the house.
:'''Seth''': There is a man in the house. It's me.
:'''Murney''': ''[laughs]'' Well, it's gotta be a tiny house. You think you're tough, boy, don't you? Wanna shave the tiger? Do you? Huh? You want it tough?
:'''Shane Wolfe''': Where did you wanna do this?
:'''Murney''': What are you talking about, babysitter?
:'''Shane Wolfe''': You said you wanted to wrestle. Where? When?
:'''Murney''': After school.
:'''Shane Wolfe''': Okay. Today?
:'''Murney''': That's right, the gym, okay? Remember, you mess with the bull, you get the horns. ''[snorts]'' Out of my way!
:'''Shane Wolfe''': How did that feel?
:'''Seth''': It was good.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lulu''': Shane. You can't do this. You can't leave a man behind.
:'''Seth''': Hold on, I got it. ''[opens bottle with milk and pours it on Shane]''
:'''Zoe and Lulu''': Shane!
:'''Zoe''': Where's Mom?
:'''Shane Wolfe''': Mom? I'll find her. You guys run and get help. ''[four kids running in Julie's car.]'' Hurry!
:'''Lulu''': Are you sure you're gonna be okay?
:'''Shane Wolfe''': Yes, Lulu. Go, get help.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Zoe''': Oh, my God! What do we do?
:'''Seth''': Find a cop.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Zoe''': He's gaining on us.
:'''Seth''': I'll handle it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Julie Plummer''': I knew Howard; you haven't a chance!
:'''Shane Wolfe''': [''slowly''] &quot;When you're low… lower than the floor… and you think you haven't got a chance… don't make a move 'til you're in the groove: do the Peter Panda Dance!&quot;.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[while Bill and Mrs. Chun are distracted, Shane pulls Julie out of Bill's grasp and leg sweeps them both. Shane struggles with Bill until Mrs. Chun jumps onto Shane. Bill accidentally hits Mrs Chun and he and Shane trade blows and Shane knocks Bill to the ground, then Bill holds Shane at gunpoint]''
:'''Bill Fawcett''': Any last words, Shane?
:'''Shane Wolfe''': Say good night, Peter Panda.
:''[The safe opens up, and knocks Bill to the floor.]''
:'''Julie Plummer''': Shane, are you okay? ''[Julie punches Mrs. Chun the face]'' She was never a good neighbor.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Seth''': Zoe, you're going too fast. You're not gonna have time to stop.
:'''Zoe''': Who said anything about stopping? I'm parking.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Shane Wolfe''': Gary, now!
:''[Gary the duck bites Mr. Chun.]'' 
:'''Mr. Chun''': AAAHHH!!!!!!!!!
:''[Claire kicks the back of Mr. Chun, turns around and knocks him unconscious.]''
:'''Claire Fletcher''': Couldn't let you have all the fun.
:''[Claire gets off; Mr. Chun is arrested. Shane takes the GHOST disc. Julie Plummer, Zoe, Seth, Lulu, Peter &amp; Tyler sigh happily and embrace. Bill Fawcett &amp; Mrs. Chun are arrested.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Claire Fletcher''': Looks like you have a hit on your hands.
:'''Shane Wolfe''': You think so?
:'''Claire Fletcher''': Mm-hmm. You should take over the drama department instead of the wrestling team. ''[She and Shane chuckle]'' It's gonna be nice having you around now. Now that Murney's found his true calling.
:'''Murney''': ''[singing]'' Climb every mountain/Ford every stream…
:'''Shane Wolfe''': It's gonna be my pleasure serving with you.
:''[He and Claire share a kiss]''

==Taglines==
* Welcome to the infantry.
* This Navy S.E.A.L. Meets His Match.
* Prepare for bottle.
* Prepare for bottle. Prepare for battle.

==Teams==
* Shane Wolfe vs Bill Fawcett (final battle)
* Julie Plummer vs Mrs. Chun (final battle)
* Claire Fletcher vs Mr. Chun (final defeat)

==Cast==
* [[w:Vin Diesel|Vin Diesel]] as Lieutenant Shane Wolfe
* [[Lauren Graham]] as Claire Fletcher
* [[w:Faith Ford|Faith Ford]] as Julie Plummer
* [[w:Brittany Snow|Brittany Snow]] as Zoe Plummer
* [[w:Max Thieriot|Max Thieriot]] as Seth Plummer
* [[w:Chris Potter (actor)|Chris Potter]] as Captain Bill Fawcett
* [[w:Morgan York|Morgan York]] as Lulu Plummer
* [[w:Scott Thompson (comedian)|Scott Thompson]] as the director of a local production of ''[[The Sound of Music]]''
* [[w:Carol Kane|Carol Kane]] as Helga Popescu
* [[w:Brad Garrett|Brad Garrett]] as Vice Principal Dwayne Murney
* [[w:Kegan and Logan Hoover|Keegan and Logan Hoover]] as Peter Plummer
* [[w:Bo and Luke Vink|Bo and Luke Vink]] as Baby Tyler Plummer
* [[w:Tate Donovan|Tate Donovan]] as Howard Plummer
* [[w:Dennis Akayama|Dennis Akayama]] as Mr. Chun
* [[w:Mung-Ling Tsui|Mung-Ling Tsui]] as Mrs. Chun

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
*{{IMDb title|0395699|The Pacifier}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Pacifier, The}}
[[Category:2005 films]]
[[Category:2000s American films]]
[[Category:Action comedy films]]
[[Category:Films about widowhood]]
[[Category:Films about siblings]]
[[Category:Films directed by Adam Shankman]]</text>
      <sha1>t3dvsdr3aacsj6dt2gssp98d74fybk9</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>X-Men: Evolution</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>38515</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3942591</id>
      <parentid>3940481</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-05-19T01:31:04Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>~2026-29954-94</username>
        <id>3324342</id>
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      <origin>3942591</origin>
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      <text bytes="94097" sha1="gccxqvcb7c7qmnpt07mghjgxqd9jvpd" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:X-Men: Evolution|X-Men: Evolution]]''''' is an American animated television series about the Marvel Comics superhero team '''[[X-Men]]'''. 

__NOTOC__

{| class=&quot;wikitable&quot; style=&quot;margin: 1em auto 1em auto; text-align: center;&quot;
! style=&quot;background-color:#DDDDDD;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122);&quot; width=&quot;4%&quot; |
! style=&quot;background-color:#DDDDDD;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122);&quot; width=&quot;24%&quot; | [[#Season 1|Season 1]]
! style=&quot;background-color:#DDDDDD;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122);&quot; width=&quot;24%&quot; | [[#Season 2|Season 2]]
! style=&quot;background-color:#DDDDDD;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122);&quot; width=&quot;24%&quot; | [[#Season 3|Season 3]]
! style=&quot;background-color:#DDDDDD;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122);&quot; width=&quot;24%&quot; | [[#Season 4|Season 4]]
|- 
! style=&quot;background-color:#DDDDDD;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122);&quot; | 1
| &lt;!-- 1.01 --&gt; [[#Strategy X|Strategy X]]
| &lt;!-- 2.01 --&gt; [[#Growing Pains|Growing Pains]]
| &lt;!-- 3.01 --&gt; [[#Day of Recovery|Day of Recovery]]
| &lt;!-- 4.01 --&gt; [[#Impact|Impact]]
|-
! style=&quot;background-color:#DDDDDD;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122);&quot; | 2
| &lt;!-- 1.02 --&gt; [[#The X-Impulse|The X-Impulse]]
| &lt;!-- 2.02 --&gt; [[#Power Surge|Power Surge]]
| &lt;!-- 3.02 --&gt; [[#The Stuff of Heroes|The Stuff of Heroes]]
| &lt;!-- 4.02 --&gt; [[#No Good Deed|No Good Deed]]
|-
! style=&quot;background-color:#DDDDDD;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122);&quot; | 3
| &lt;!-- 1.03 --&gt; [[#Rogue Recruit|Rogue Recruit]]
| &lt;!-- 2.03 --&gt; [[#Bada-Bing Bada-Boom!|Bada-Bing Bada-Boom!]]
| &lt;!-- 3.03 --&gt; [[#Mainstream|Mainstream]]
| &lt;!-- 4.03 --&gt; [[#Target X|Target X]]
|-
! style=&quot;background-color:#DDDDDD;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122);&quot; | 4
| &lt;!-- 1.04 --&gt; [[#Mutant Crush|Mutant Crush]]
| &lt;!-- 2.04 --&gt; [[#Fun and Games|Fun and Games]]
| &lt;!-- 3.04 --&gt; [[#The Stuff of Villains|The Stuff of Villains]]
| &lt;!-- 4.04 --&gt; [[#Sins of the Son|Sins of the Son]]
|-
! style=&quot;background-color:#DDDDDD;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122);&quot; | 5
| &lt;!-- 1.05 --&gt; [[#Speed and Spyke|Speed and Spyke]]
| &lt;!-- 2.05 --&gt; [[#The Beast of Bayville|The Beast of Bayville]]
| &lt;!-- 3.05 --&gt; [[#Blind Alley|Blind Alley]]
| &lt;!-- 4.05 --&gt; [[#Uprising|Uprising]]
|-
! style=&quot;background-color:#DDDDDD;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122);&quot; | 6
| &lt;!-- 1.06 --&gt; [[#Middleverse|Middleverse]]
| &lt;!-- 2.06 --&gt; [[#Adrift|Adrift]]
| &lt;!-- 3.06 --&gt; [[#X-Treme Measures|X-Treme Measures]]
| &lt;!-- 4.06 --&gt; [[#Cajun Spice|Cajun Spice]]
|-
! style=&quot;background-color:#DDDDDD;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122);&quot; | 7
| &lt;!-- 1.07 --&gt; [[#Turn of the Rogue|Turn of the Rogue]]
| &lt;!-- 2.07 --&gt; [[#On Angel's Wings|On Angel's Wings]]
| &lt;!-- 3.07 --&gt; [[#The Toad, the Witch and the Wardrobe|The Toad, the Witch and the Wardrobe]]
| &lt;!-- 4.07 --&gt; [[#Ghost of a Chance|Ghost of a Chance]]
|-
! style=&quot;background-color:#DDDDDD;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122);&quot; | 8
| &lt;!-- 1.08 --&gt; [[#Spykecam|Spykecam]]
| &lt;!-- 2.08 --&gt; [[#African Storm|African Storm]]
| &lt;!-- 3.08 --&gt; [[#Self-Possessed|Self-Possessed]]
| &lt;!-- 4.08 --&gt; [[#Ascension - Part 1|Ascension - Part 1]]
|-
! style=&quot;background-color:#DDDDDD;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122);&quot; | 9
| &lt;!-- 1.09 --&gt; [[#Survival of the Fittest|Survival of the Fittest]]
| &lt;!-- 2.09 --&gt; [[#Joyride|Joyride]]
| &lt;!-- 3.09 --&gt; [[#Under Lock and Key|Under Lock and Key]]
| &lt;!-- 4.09 --&gt; [[#Ascension - Part 2|Ascension - Part 2]]
|-
! style=&quot;background-color:#DDDDDD;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122);&quot; | 10
| &lt;!-- 1.10 --&gt; [[#Shadowed Past|Shadowed Past]]
| &lt;!-- 2.10 --&gt; [[#Mindbender|Mindbender]]
| &lt;!-- 3.10 --&gt; [[#X23|X23]]
| &lt;!-- 4.10 --&gt; &lt;!-- No Season 4 Episode Here --&gt;
|-
! style=&quot;background-color:#DDDDDD;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122);&quot; | 11
| &lt;!-- 1.11 --&gt; [[#Grim Reminder|Grim Reminder]]
| &lt;!-- 2.11 --&gt; [[#Shadow Dance|Shadow Dance]]
| &lt;!-- 3.11 --&gt; [[#Dark Horizon - Part 1|Dark Horizon - Part 1]]
| &lt;!-- 4.11 --&gt; &lt;!-- No Season 4 Episode Here --&gt;
|-
! style=&quot;background-color:#DDDDDD;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122);&quot; | 12
| &lt;!-- 1.12 --&gt; [[#The Cauldron - Part 1|The Cauldron - Part 1]]
| &lt;!-- 2.12 --&gt; [[#Retreat|Retreat]]
| &lt;!-- 3.12 --&gt; [[#Dark Horizon - Part 2|Dark Horizon - Part 2]]
| &lt;!-- 4.12 --&gt; &lt;!-- No Season 4 Episode Here --&gt;
|-
! style=&quot;background-color:#DDDDDD;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122);&quot; | 13
| &lt;!-- 1.13 --&gt; [[#The Cauldron - Part 2|The Cauldron - Part 2]]
| &lt;!-- 2.13 --&gt; [[#Walk on the Wild Side|Walk on the Wild Side]]
| &lt;!-- 3.13 --&gt; [[#Cruise Control|Cruise Control]]
| &lt;!-- 4.13 --&gt; &lt;!-- No Season 4 Episode Here --&gt;
|-
! style=&quot;background-color:#DDDDDD;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122);&quot; | 14
| &lt;!-- 1.14 --&gt; &lt;!-- No Season 1 Episode Here --&gt;
| &lt;!-- 2.14 --&gt; [[#Operation: Rebirth|Operation: Rebirth]]
| &lt;!-- 3.14 --&gt; &lt;!-- No Season 3 Episode Here --&gt;
| &lt;!-- 4.14 --&gt; &lt;!-- No Season 4 Episode Here --&gt;
|-
! style=&quot;background-color:#DDDDDD;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122);&quot; | 15
| &lt;!-- 1.15 --&gt; &lt;!-- No Season 1 Episode Here --&gt;
| &lt;!-- 2.15 --&gt; [[#The HeX Factor|The HeX Factor]]
| &lt;!-- 3.15 --&gt; &lt;!-- No Season 3 Episode Here --&gt;
| &lt;!-- 4.15 --&gt; &lt;!-- No Season 4 Episode Here --&gt;
|-
! style=&quot;background-color:#DDDDDD;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122);&quot; | 16
| &lt;!-- 1.16 --&gt; &lt;!-- No Season 1 Episode Here --&gt;
| &lt;!-- 2.16 --&gt; [[#Day of Reckoning - Part 1|Day of Reckoning - Part 1]]
| &lt;!-- 3.16 --&gt; &lt;!-- No Season 3 Episode Here --&gt;
| &lt;!-- 4.16 --&gt; &lt;!-- No Season 4 Episode Here --&gt;
|-
! style=&quot;background-color:#DDDDDD;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122);&quot; | 17
| &lt;!-- 1.17 --&gt; &lt;!-- No Season 1 Episode Here --&gt;
| &lt;!-- 2.17 --&gt; [[#Day of Reckoning - Part 2|Day of Reckoning - Part 2]]
| &lt;!-- 3.17 --&gt; &lt;!-- No Season 3 Episode Here --&gt;
| &lt;!-- 4.17 --&gt; &lt;!-- No Season 4 Episode Here --&gt;
|-
! style=&quot;background-color:#DDDDDD;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122);&quot; |
! style=&quot;background-color:#DDDDDD;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122);&quot; | [[#See Also|See Also]]
! style=&quot;background-color:#DDDDDD;color:var(--color-base-fixed,#202122);&quot; | [[#External Links|External Links]]
|}

== Season 1 ==
===''Strategy X'' [1.01]===
:''[After Toad, blown into the mansion by Storm's powers, meets Nightcrawler for the first time.]''
:'''[[w:Toad (comics)|Toad]]''': Whoa! What are you, some kind of ratty plush toy?
:'''[[w:Nightcrawler (comics)|Nightcrawler]]''': The name's Nightcrawler, and at least I don't reek like unwashed lederhosen.
:'''Toad''': You blue-furred freak!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[As Toad chases Nightcrawler through the mansion, the former hurling insults at the latter.]
:'''Nightcrawler''': As you say in America, &quot;neener, neener, neener!&quot;
:'''Toad''': That ain't gonna help you, boy!
:'''Nightcrawler''': You're so slow, you couldn't catch flies off a windshield!
:'''Toad''': Fight like a man!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''[[w:Professor X|Professor Xavier]]''': Yes. The boy is, indeed, gifted. He could be one of us.
:'''[[w:Storm (comics)|Storm]]''': Sometimes, Professor, I think your good heart blinds even you from the truth.
:''[Nightcrawler suddenly leaps down the hall, chased by Toad]''
:'''Toad''': I'm gonna rip that pointy tail off, ya fuzzy gecko!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Toad''': ''[chasing Nightcrawler]'' Come here, Wookiee boy! Come on, come over here, don't make me come up there, don't make me, oh, now you're starting to tick me off...

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Professor Xavier''': Todd Tolansky does indeed have the gift of the X-gene. He is welcome to join us, if he so desires.
:'''Toad''': ''[still mad at Kurt]'' The only thing I ''desire'' is blue-boy's fuzzy head!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''[[w:Wolverine (comics)|Wolverine]]''': I came back 'cause I thought I smelled trouble brewing. ''[glances at Toad]'' Of course, it could've just been stink-boy there...
:'''Professor Xavier''': I wish it was. Welcome home, old friend. We've missed you.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Nightcrawler''': ''[checking out the Blackbird]'' Sehr gut! Is it yours? Please tell me you get to fly it.
:'''Cyclops''': It's ours. If you stick around long enough, I'll teach you how to pilot this bad boy.
:'''Nightcrawler''': But...I almost got you guys killed a few minutes ago.
:'''Cyclops''': Yeah... don't do that again. But look, we all mess up sometimes; I know ''I'' do. That's why we're all here: to learn not to make mistakes like that. That's why we'd like you to stay.
:'''Nightcrawler''': And you don't mind... the way I look?
:'''Cyclops''': ''[Laughs]'' Dude, just don't hassle me about my shades and we'll call it even.
:'''Nightcrawler''': We have a deal, then.
:'''Cyclops''': Welcome to the team. Come on, I'll show you where they hide the sodas.

===''The X-Impulse'' [1.02]===
:'''Kitty''': No, you're just like some freak! Leave me alone!
:''[Kitty runs away from Avalanche]''
:'''[[w:Avalanche (comics)|Avalanche]]''': You can run, but you can't hide. Cause I'm gonna rock your world!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''[[w:Sabretooth (comics)|Sabretooth]]''': One shall fall by the other's hand. It's our destiny, and we can't change it.
:'''[[w:Wolverine (comics)|Wolverine]]''': I didn't know you went for that philosophy mumbo-jumbo!
:'''[[w:Cyclops (comics)|Cyclops]]''': ''[to Sabretooth]'' Hey, hairball! I got your destiny right here!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Wolverine, Cyclops and Nightcrawler beat Sabretooth.]''
:'''[[w:Nightcrawler (comics)|Nightcrawler]]''': Heh! We showed him. We are the X-Men!
:'''Wolverine''': I don't fight your battles. So don't fight mine. ''[storms off]''
:'''Nightcrawler''': ''[to Cyclops]'' Ahh, he loves us.
:'''Cyclops''': Oh yeah, big time.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Kitty's Father''': Kitty, I pushed you to this, I know. I wanted to pretend nothing was wrong. I'm not perfect. I'm learning just like you are.
:'''Kitty''': Daddy?
:'''Avalanche''': Forget them. Come on, I'm bringing this place down!
:'''[[w:Jean Grey|Jean Grey]]''': You called your gift a curse. If you go with him, I guarantee it will be.

===''Rogue Recruit'' [1.03]===
:'''[[w:Wolverine (comics|Wolverine]]''': Hey, when I give a demo, I give a demo.
:'''[[w:Cyclops (comics)|Cyclops]]''': A demo, as in &quot;demolish&quot;, or &quot;demonstration&quot;?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Wolverine''': The vents were easily breached; gonna have to fix that. Maybe electrify them, or install poison gas sprayers.
:'''[[w:Storm (comics)|Storm]]''': Wolverine...
:'''Wolverine''': Alright, alright...''knockout'' gas, then.
:'''[[w:Shadowcat|Shadowcat]]''': ''[shudders]'' Is it just me, or is anybody else, like, seriously freaked by all of this? ''[everyone stares at her]'' Oh. Right, it's just me? Great.
:'''[[w:Night...(comics)|Nightcrawler]]''': Relax, Kitty; you'll be fine. ''[he teleports next to her; she gasps]'' We're right beside you. ''[he teleports again to the opposite side of her]'' Popcorn? ''[Shadowcat screams]'' Oops. Heh heh, sorry. Next time I'll honk before I 'port.
:'''Shadowcat''': Whatever. Look, guys, it's getting late. If it's no biggie, I'm gonna, like, drop out. ''[she phases through the floor]''
:'''Nightcrawler''': Ah. She's fully not into the fuzzy dude. Not that I blame her.
:'''[[w:Jean Grey|Jean Grey]]''': ''[putting a hand on Nightcrawler's shoulder]'' Aw, she just needs some time, Kurt. She'll come around.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Cyclops''': Nice job, Kurt. You'll make a pilot, yet.
:'''Nightcrawler''': Thanks!
:''[Kurt starts piloting with his feet.]''
:'''Cyclops''': ...or maybe not.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Shadowcat|Shadowcat]]''': Scott seems so, like, ''together''! So cool and he's kinda cute.
:'''[[w:Jean Grey|Jean Grey]]''': ''Cute''?! Stiff - maybe, exacting - definitely, but... hmm... ''[looks at Scott]'' You know, from a certain angle...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Nightcrawler''': Was? Got a scent?
:'''Wolverine''': Yeah... I smell fear.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Wolverine''': ''[to Kurt, about Kitty]'' ... and keep an eye on the half-pint here.
:'''[[w:Shadowcat|Shadowcat]]''': Hey!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Professor X|Professor Xavier]]''': Wolverine, it's Nightcrawler. The Rogue has his mind and his abilities.
:'''Wolverine''': This is my fault. I should never have left the little squirrel in charge!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After Rogue accidentally knocks Kurt out and flees the scene, leaving Shadowcat alone with him.]''
:'''Shadowcat''': Say something, Kurt! Please! Tease me, scare me, anything! Please...don't be dead... Come on, Kitty... okay, what would Wolverine do? I mean, besides dice up, like, half the landscape...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Nightcrawler''': ''[finally wakes up and sees the destruction around him]''... Looks like I missed quite a party...
:'''Shadowcat''': Kurt! You're alright! ''[hugs him]'' Easy, you fuzzy elf. Everything is going to be just fine.
:'''Cyclops''': ''[whispering]'' &quot;Fuzzy elf&quot;?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Cody''': ''[about talking to Rogue]'' I'm just, you know, picking my moment. Taking it slow.
:'''Ty''': Cody, I've seen glaciers move faster. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Storm''': You look a little flush and the forecast isn't good.
:''[blows ice on him]''
:'''Logan''': Now that was cold.

===''Mutant Crush'' [1.04]===
:''[After Blob, lost on his first day in Bayville high, grabs Duncan.]''
:'''[[w:Blob (comics)|Blob]]''': Hey, you! Where am I supposed to be?
:'''[[w:Duncan Matthews|Duncan]]''': I don't know. How about a sideshow?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Cyclops and Rogue are sitting together rehearsing their script from Henry VIII.]''
:'''[[w:Cyclops (comics)|Cyclops]]''': Do you like me, Kate?
:'''[[w:Rogue (comics)|Rogue]]''': ''Pardonnez moi''? I cannot tell what is &quot;like me&quot;.
:'''Cyclops''': An angel is like you, Kate, and you are like an angel.
:'''Rogue''': The girls are right; you ''are'' a charmer.
:'''Cyclops''': Look, I'm just practicing the lines, okay?
:'''Rogue''': Yeah, I know, it's just that sometimes I wish...
:'''Scott''': Yeah, wish what?
:'''Rogue''': Wish I could get close to somebody, but you know what happens when I do! 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Wolverine''': That's it half-pint, keep the ball away from the elf. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[After Nightcrawler teleports between Cyclops and Rogue in the middle of rehearsal.]''
:'''[[w:Nightcrawler (comics)|Nightcrawler]]''': Whoa! Er... Tender moment here? Sorry to interrupt.
:'''Rogue''': I swear, he's like a... an annoying little brother! ''[the joke is that Kurt, technically, is Rogue's brother]''
:'''Cyclops''': What's the problem?
:'''Nightcrawler''': Jean’s been napped!
:'''Cyclops''': ''[shocked and angry]'' What?!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Cyclops''': Teleporter to maximum, Mr. Wagner.
:'''[[w:Nightcrawler (comics)|Nightcrawler]]''': Aye, Captain!
:'''Cyclops''': Engage.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Rogue''': Leave her alone, ya yahoo!
:'''Blob''': Whatcha gonna do to me? Make me wear bad makeup?
:'''Rogue''': Didn't Mystique tell you what ''my'' power is?
:'''Blob''': No - 'cause I don't care!
:''[Rogue pulls off her glove and grabs Blob's arm.]''
:'''Rogue''': ''My'' power is ''your'' power, and I can take more than one!
:''[Rogue tosses Blob using his strength, and blasts him further back with Cyclops' beam. He lands in a pile of junk, but gets up again quickly.]''
:'''Blob''': I got too much power, even for you! You can't hurt me! I'm the Blob!
:'''Rogue''': Nah, you're just garbage that wanted a date! Now tell you what: I'm taking you ''out''!

===''Speed and Spyke'' [1.05]===
:'''Storm''': Evan, are you alright? I've been concerned about you lately. You know, about the things we've discussed before?
:'''Spyke''': Yeah, yeah, no problem Auntie O', everything's cool.
:'''Storm''': Evan, I saw what happened to you out there tonight; when you fell.
:'''Spyke''': Hey, it's no big deal; I got it under control. Ah... ATCHOO! ''[the sneeze causes him to spray bone spikes all over the locker room, narrowly missing Storm]''
:'''Storm''': ''[Unfazed]'' Bless you.
:'''Spyke''': ''[Sniffs]'' Busted, huh?
:'''Storm''': Big time.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Wolverine''': ''[after Nightcrawler attempts to get pancakes]'' ELF! ''[sighs]'' How many times do I gotta tell ya? Ask and it'll get passed to ya.
:'''Nightcrawler''': Sorry. I didn't want to interrupt you. ''[teleports back in his chair]''
:'''Wolverine''': That's better. Now mind your manners. ''[passes the pancakes to Nightcrawler]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Nightcrawler''': I love the smell of bacon in the morning.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Scott''': It's really not so bad, Mrs. Daniels. Having special powers can be pretty cool sometimes.
:'''Evan''': Oh yeah! I'll tell you what, Shades! Let's see what you've got that's so cool!
:'''Mrs. Daniels''': Evan!
:'''Evan''': Sorry, Mom.
:'''Jean''': No really, it's okay. It's just that Scott's powers aren't really what you'd call 'indoor-friendly'.
:'''Evan''': Okay, whatever. Look, man. I like it right here and I'm not going to some home for freaks! Now if you'll excuse me, I've got some school stuff to take care of. ''[goes upstairs]''
:'''Mrs. Daniels''': Evan!
:'''Jean''': Well, that went well!
:'''Scott''': Yeah. And I thought we were really making a connection there.
:'''Mr. Daniels''': I apologize for my son, Mr. Summers. He's obviously dealing with a lot right now. I'll talk with him.
:'''Jean''': ''[using her power]'' Hey! He's going out the window.
:''[The group sees Evan going off on his skateboard]''
:'''Scott''': We've really got to work on our sales pitch!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Kitty''': Eww! Professor! Kurt is, like, totally getting fur in the pool!
:'''Kurt''': I am not!

===''Middleverse'' [1.06]===
:'''[[w:Cyclops (comics)|Cyclops]]''': Go to Duncan Matthews' party? I don't think so. Matthews is a jerk.
:'''[[w:Shadowcat|Shadowcat]]''': No he's not. I'd go.
:'''Cyclops''': No freshmen allowed.
:'''Shadowcat''': Oh. Matthews ''is'' a jerk.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''[[w:Nightcrawler (comics)|Nightcrawler]]''': Hey, chicks dig the fuzzy dude! ''[to Shadowcat, suggestively]'' Right?
:'''Shadowcat''': I'm, like, so out of here. Later.
:'''Nightcrawler''': Oh yeah, she can't resist.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Cyclops''': Hey! Watch the tail! ''[jerks Kurt off of table]'' Now, see? That's exactly what I'm talking about-
:'''Nightcrawler''': You pulled my ''tail'', man!
:'''Cyclops''': Grow up, Kurt!
:'''Nightcrawler''': Hey, lighten up, dude!
:'''Cyclops''': You're always goofing around!
:'''Nightcrawler''': And ''you're'' seriously cramping my style!
:'''Cyclops''': Listen!
:'''Nightcrawler''': No, ''you'' listen! There's a sound I want you to hear, and it's-
:''[Nightcrawler teleports, leaving Cyclops coughing in a cloud of brimstone.]''
:'''Cyclops''': ''[To Jean and Evan]'' Blew it, didn't I?
:'''Jean Grey''': Oh yeah.
:'''Spyke''': Totally.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Nightcrawler''': I knew I should have paid more attention in computer lab.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Nightcrawler''': It's raining furniture!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Nightcrawler''': Don't let my looks fool you. I'm a harmless blue fuzzball.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[After Cyclops, Spyke, Jean, and Shadowcat recover Forge's projector.]''
:'''Cyclops''': Step back. This is going to be messy.
:'''Shadowcat''': You know, I could just, like, phase through it and short it out quietly? ''[Cyclops and Spyke look at her blankly.]'' Oh, right. Forget I mentioned it. ''[to Jean]'' Like, what is it with guys and explosions anyway?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Forge''': Man. You do have that rep.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Nightcrawler''': I swear, that homie's lingo is so ''whack''.
:''[about Forge as they wander through Middleverse.]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Lance''': Rogue, Mystique sent us to find you. So are you with us or them?
:'''Scott''': Mystique? You're working for her?
:'''Rogue''': Hey, Summers, you got your friends, I got mine. But this ain't my fight, I'm outta here. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Nightcrawler''': So, how far does this middleverse extend?
:'''Forge''': Stops just short of the girls locker room, isn't that a burn?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Kurt''': ''[to Rogue]'' What are you doing here?
:'''Rogue''': Hey, look who's talkin'! At least I didn't blow the place up!
:''Kurt''': ''[seeing a device that she is holding and runs over to take it away from her]'' Hey, give me that.
:'''Rogue''': ''[struggling with Kurt]'' Back off, blue boy! Who says YOUR in charge here?! 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Lance''': You and me got a date, Pretty Kitty. How about a ride on a concrete coaster?
:'''Kitty''': Lousy ride, loser! 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Random kid''': Ahhh! A ghost! Blue and hairy demon! I'm outta here! 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Toad''':What is this, abuse the Toad day?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Scott''': I need to lighten up! ''[Jean and Kitty gape in shock]''
:'''Jean''': Oh, not you Scott!
:'''Kitty''': ''[giggles]'' Check his temperature! ''[places her hand on his forehead to check his temperature]'' Mr. Military's gone soft!
:'''Scott''': Ok! So we go home, suit up and run a level 3 Danger Room simulation!
:'''Jean''': ''[groans]'' Scott!
:'''Kitty''': ''[groans]'' Give us a break!
:'''Nightcrawler''': ''[leans forward]'' See this is what I mean! Too serious!
:'''Scott''': Psych!
:'''Jean/Kitty''': ''[giggle]''
:'''Nightcrawler''': ''[smiles]'' Very nice! There's hope for you yet!
:'''Scott''': Tell me about it on the way to Matthew's party!
:'''Kitty''': ''[grumbles]'' I still can't go! ''[folds her arms]'' I'm, like, a freshman!
:'''Scott''': ''[places his arm around her shoulder pulling her in for a hug]'' You're also one of the X-Men!
:'''Jean''': ''[places her hand on Kitty's shoulder making the scene look like a mom, dad and daughter scene]'' Don't worry! We'll make it happen!

===''Turn Of The Rogue'' [1.07]===
:'''Rogue''': Scott? Scott? Listen, just hang on, you're gonna be okay. You're gonna be... ''[looks over edge]'' Oh man! We're gonna die!
:'''Scott''': Thanks for the Pep-Talk, Rogue. Thanks. You saved my life.
:'''Rogue''': I owed it to you. Mystique had me pretty mixed up. Her mind's a tortured mess. But I saw enough to know that you're not my enemy. ''[Sadly]'' I really thought she cared about me.
:'''Scott''': ''[Groaning]'' Hey, she probably does. Sometimes, it's really hard to understand adults. They never seem to trust us. ''[Loses consciousness]''
:'''Rogue''': ''[Frantically]'' Scott- don't pass out. ''[Voice breaking]'' Come on. Wake up!
:'''Wolverine''': We're moving too slow! Spread a little more sunshine would ya?
:'''Storm''': I'm a weather-witch, not a snow plow. I'm doing the best I can.
:'''Rogue''': ''[gasps]'' It's Mystique!
:'''Professor X''': ''[telepathically]'' Scott? Scott! I hope you can hear me! We're on our way! Scott! ''[normally]'' He's hurt!
:'''Wolverine''': Great! How we gonna find him in this white?
:'''Scott''': X-Men! Coming!
:'''Rogue''': What? They are? Great!
:'''Scott''': They can't find us!
:'''Rogue''': Figures! Then we'll give em something they can find! Open your eyes, Scott! Now! 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Rogue''': ''[To Mystique, as the latter approaches while transformed]'' Some friendly advice, teach? Don't mess with the Rogue!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Logan''': ''[Approaches Rogue]'' Where's your allegiance, kid? Us or them?
:'''Rogue''': ''[Shaking and scared out of her wits]'' If I don't say you, will I get thrown out of this jet?
:'''Logan''': ''[Presses a button that closes the door]'' Nope, not our style. We've either earned your trust by now or we haven't.
:'''Rogue''': ''[Looks at Storm, who is tending to Scott, then turns back to Logan]'' You.
:'''Logan''': Welcome to the X-Men. ''[Holds out his hand. Rogue takes it]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jean''': Which one of your guys has been putting on weight? I can hardly hold you!
:'''Cyclops''': It's Nightcrawler. Burgers seven days a week will do that to a fella.
:'''Nightcrawler''': Ah, the breakfast of mutants.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Rogue''': No trophies for second place.
:'''Scott''': How'd a southern gal like you learn to handle a snowmobile?
:'''Rogue''': Lets just say I'm full of surprises.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Professor X''': Rogue?
:'''Rogue''': It's not my place.
:'''Kitty''': Sure it is. You're part of the family now.
:'''Evan''': Yeah, Girl. Tell us what you think.
:'''Rogue''': Well...I think...No. I've learnt that honesty is very important between people you care about. At least it is to me.
:'''Professor X''': You're right. All of you. I must apologise for keeping the secret from you. But please understand there are many challenges in your future. Secrets...elements of surprise some you are ready to deal with. Some you are not. In the future I will try to do better knowing which is which.
:'''Scott''': Thanks professor. We're all in this together. It's nice to know we've all got something to learn. That's what makes us X-Men.

===''SpykeCam'' [1.08]===
:'''Evan''': ''[Sabertooth grabs him]'' We've been expecting you. ''[Evan pops his spikes]'' You gotta be sharp if you're gonna mess with the Spyke.
:'''Sabertooth''': ''[drops Spyke goes after Kitty]'' Then I'll take you!
:''Kitty''': ''[Kitty phases Creed flies through]'' Right. I'm so sure! ''[Sabertooth knocks Kitty into a tree, goes after her again]''
:'''Rogue''': Back off ugly!
:'''Wolverine''': Pickin' on kids, Creed? Big mistake!
:'''Sabertooth''': Yeah, Why?
:'''Logan''': Cause it really ticks me off!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Evan''': Come on, Rogue, get with the program. Shake that thing.
:'''Rogue''': Hey, she's got her moves, I got mine.
:'''Kitty''': Yeah, girl, you gotta go with it. Y'know, you're like a walkin' zombie or something.
:'''Evan''': Hey, listen, Rogue, how 'bout you shed those gloves and give K-girl a tap.
:'''Kitty and Rogue''': What? No way!
:'''Evan''': Listen to me. Just enough to rip Kitty's moves.
:'''Rogue''': It might work. Just concentrate on 'em.
:'''Kitty''': Okay, but you better not, like, lay me out.
:'''Rogue''': ''[touches her]'' That was, like, pretty icksome! Aw, am I talking like her?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Rogue''': ''[after touching Sabertooth and almost turning into a werewolf]'' Aw... and I just shaved my legs last night!
:'''Logan''': Nice. The finishing touch. ''[to Kitty]'' And don't give me them puppy dog eyes, half-pint. You're grounded and so are the rest of you!
:'''Evan'''' For how long?
:'''Logan''': ''[sighs]'' I don't know, till She-Wolf there gets a haircut anyway.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Rogue''': Just when I thought you could not possibly get more pathetic.
:'''Kitty''': At least I've got a hope of getting cast. Unlike you.
:'''Rogue''': Think about it. I was made for this play. ''[catches Spyke filming them]'' Hey! What are you playin' at, Porcupine? I better not see my face on that tape, or they're gonna be calling you Spyke-less.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Sabertooth''': ''[about Evan, Kitty and Rogue]'' Three little piggies all alone, Logan you're making this too easy. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Toad''': ''[To Evan]'' Style, charisma... Toad's got it all, yo. So start shootin', already.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[First line of the episode. Evan looks down at his failed paper]''
:'''Evan''': Man! Professor Xavier's gonna ground me for the rest of my life!
:'''Teacher''': Mr. Daniels, could we talk for a moment, please? Admittedly, I asked for a report on the ''[[wikipedia:Strategic Defense Initiative|Star Wars]]'' programme. However, I ''wasn't'' talking about [[Star Wars (film)|the movie]].
:'''Evan''': ''[weakly]'' But I like movies.
:'''Teacher''': That's fine, but I was expecting a report on the National Space Defense System.
:'''Evan''': Yeah, I kinda figured that out by my grade. Look, man. Is there anything I can do to make this up? Extra credit? ''Anything''?
:'''Teacher''': Hmmm...Perhaps there ''is'' something. ''[takes a video camera out of his desk]''
:'''Evan''': Woah! A [[wikipedia:Digicam|digicam]]!
:'''Teacher'': You know, Evan, current events can mean a lot of things to people your age. How would you like to do a film report?
:'''Evan''': For real?
:'''Teacher''': You've got it. Project's due at the end of the week. I suggest you get started.

===''Survival of the Fittest'' [1.09]===
:'''Blob''': &quot;Group Leader&quot;. &quot;Scholastic achievement&quot;. That should've been me!
:'''Quicksilver''': You can't even spell 'scholastic achievement', Blob.
:'''Blob''': No, but I ''can'' spell &quot;doomed&quot;! Which is what that goody-two shoes gang is when I get them alone in the woods!
:'''Toad''': I can hear it now. ''[imitates newsreader]'' &quot;Search and rescue efforts abandoned for missing teens. No traces found&quot;.
:'''Avalanche''': We'll hit them where it hurts most. In public. In front of ''everyone''!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Quicksilver''': ''[about Blob]'' If he slips, we're history! Death by blubberbomb!
:'''Avalanche''': Fastest way to the top's a straight line, Pietro.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Juggernaut''': You can't stop the Juggernaut!
:'''Wolverine''': Forgive me for trying, bub!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[The X-Men and the Brotherhood have defeated Juggernaut by working together]''
:'''Mystique''': Now there's something you won't see every day.
:'''Professor X''': I agree. And that's a shame.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Blob''': That loser Scott should've lost, and you know it.
:'''Pietro''': Yeah. Just because he slipped into the bath, the guy went ballistic.
:'''Nightcrawler''': Slipped?! More like avalanched!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[After Jean saves Evan from falling off the cliff]''
:'''Evan''': Woah,... I don't recommend that.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Pietro''': Cake walk. Our team can take a sauna. I'll get it myself.
:'''Kurt''': Not if I beat you there.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Lance''': Better say your farewells 'Sumner', Cause you guys aren't coming back.
:'''Scott''': Oh, you got something in mind 'Rock Tumbler', cause I...
:'''Jean''': Scott! What do you think you're doing?
:'''Scott''': What?! Nothing! I'm just fed up with those delinquents getting away with everything while we're stuck playing by the rules!
:'''Lance''': Hey! We don't need our powers to beat you!
:'''Scott''': Aw, fine then. We'll all play it straight and you know what? We'll wave to you from the top!
:'''Jean''': Good. That's the deal. We're all competing fair; no powers, and I personally am very proud....
:''[Scott pulls her away]''
:'''Scott''': Come on, Jean!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Scott''': It felt kinda right, didn't it?
:'''Jean''': What?
:'''Scott''': Us and them fighting alongside? Why can't they just stop drawing battlelines in the first place?
:'''Jean''': Well, it's like what Logan said, &quot;You can't control the will of others.&quot;
:'''Scott''': Well, they'll come around. And you can be their conscience. You're pretty good at it.
:'''Jean''': ''[playfully pushes him]'' Oh... shut up... ''[giggles a little bit]''... even good guys need a nudge once in a while.
:'''Scott''': Jean, whenever you think I need it, nudge away.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jean''': Yeah, well, Scott's cool. He'll handle it like a group leader should.
:''[Scott blows Lance out of his boat with his powers]''
:'''Jean''': Or not.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jean''': Yeah, at least he gave us a choice. Survival training here or with Wolverine.
:'''Rogue''': Some choice.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Logan''': I still say you should have let me handle their survival training.
:'''Xavier''': I gave them that choice, Logan. They felt they had a better chance of surviving the camp.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Toad''': ''[about Scott]'' He stole that first place ribbon!
:'''Rogue''': You want that ribbon so bad? I'll pin it to your forehead.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Kitty''': ''[dropping onto her bag]'' We're going to die out here.
:'''Evan''': What about me? I'm a city kid.
:'''Rogue''': ''[picking up her stuff]'' I'm going AWOL, anyone know how to hotwire a school bus?

===''Shadowed Past'' [1.10]===
:''[Professor Xavier is visiting Mystique concerning a recent, disturbing discovery]''
:'''Professor X''': You've been carrying a terrible burden for many years, Mystique. Rogue's recent contact with you seems to have given her some of your darker memories; nightmares about a very unfortunate incident involving an ''infant''.
:'''Mystique''': You're fishing. You know nothing.
:'''Professor X''': I know about your relationship with the boy, Mystique. What I don't know is what Magneto did to him. Why did you run that night?
:'''Mystique''': ''[Gets up from the desk and walks to the bookcase]'' Dear, dear Charles. How incredibly frustrating for you; to realize that that amazing mind of yours knows so very little, really.
:'''Professor X''': What were you two up to in that dreary castle? Was it worth the loss of your son?
:''[Mystique drops her book in shock, flooded by memories of what happened that night]'' 
:'''Mystique''': Get out! ''Get out now!''
:''[Xavier turns to go, then stops at the door.]''
:'''Professor X''': Just in case you're curious: he turned out to be a ''very'' fine lad. ''[Leaves]''

===''Grim Reminder'' [1.11]===
:''[Kitchen.]''
:'''Shadowcat''': ''[writing in letter]'' Finding a place to be alone around here is really a matter of timing. Sometimes you have to settle, like when Mr. Logan's around, but that's okay, because he doesn't want to talk to anybody.
:''[Logan turns to see Kitty staring him.]''
:'''Wolverine''': ''[to Kitty]'' What's the matter, half-pint? Am I reading too loudly for ya?
:'''Shadowcat''': Ah, no, just enjoying how quiet it is.
:''[The rest of the X-Men burst in to eat breakfast, Evan pouring himself some juice, Scott turning on the TV, Rogue taking a bite out of a pastry, and Evan scooping some egg into his plate.]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Kurt &amp; Kitty find that the plane they hid in is actually flying away.]''
:'''[[w:Shadowcat|Shadowcat]]''': Can you transport us to the ground?
:'''[[w:Nightcrawler (comics|Nightcrawler]]''': Yeah, right. Like, picture this: bumpety, bumpety, bumpety, bumpety, SPLAT! Too high up and WAY too fast!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[The X-Jet is parked near the mountain. As Logan walks away from it, Kitty, having changed into her X-Men uniform, phases through the bottom of the jet, crouches down, and raises an eyebrow while watching him. She gets up and walks. Kurt, having also changed into his X-Men uniform, teleports beside Kitty.]''
:'''Shadowcat''': ''[to Nightcrawler]'' Did you get into the cockpit?
:'''Nightcrawler''': Yeah, but something's jamming the transmitter way out here. I couldn't reach the Institute.
:'''Shadowcat''': ''[Sighs]'' Looks like we're on our own then.
:''[Kurt shrugs before he and Kitty follow Logan.]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Nightcrawler''': ''[facing off with Sabretooth]'' Touch me, and you'll find yourself transported two miles into the woods!
:'''Sabretooth''': Then that's where you'll fall!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Wolverine''': You caged the wrong animal, bub!
:'''Scientist''': Stop! This place is going to blow!
:'''Wolverine''': Let it! Kitty, leave!
:'''Shadowcat''': Not without you! ''[Nightcrawler teleports next to her and grabs her wrist]''
:'''Nightcrawler''': No argument this time! ''[he and Shadowcat both teleport out of the labratory; Sabretooth appears behind Wolverine]''
:'''Wolverine''': Project Weapon X has been terminated!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Kurt is blocking everyone from going into the dining room, where Kitty is inside typing a letter on her laptop.]''
:'''Nightcrawler''': ''[to everyone else]'' Just relax. Give her a minute. Nobody's gonna starve to death.
:''[Kitty is typing the letter on her laptop.]''
:'''Shadowcat''': ''[Voice-over]'' So, like I said this morning, it's just been another normal day here at the Xavier Institute. Funny. I've been complaining about not having enough time alone, right? But I think I, like, miss bumping into everyone. It's just part of the deal, when you're part of a family.

===''The Cauldron - Part 1'' [1.12]===

===''The Cauldron - Part 2'' [1.13]===
:'''Professor X''': ''[to Scott]'' Mutants shouldn't be divided. But we didn't draw the line, Magneto did, and it's still there. You just crossed over it.

== Season 2 ==
===''Growing Pains'' [2.01]===
:''[About the New Mutants]''
:'''Wolverine''': So those are the new recruits? Looks like we got our hands full.
:'''Professor X''': Yes, a spirited bunch, but good kids. However, it's going to be difficult to keep things quiet, and to maintain our anonymity.
:'''Wolverine''': Not to mention our buildings. We're definately going to need more instructors. And maybe a couple of tanks.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[The Brotherhood are standing off to the side at a school assembly]''
:'''[[w:Toad (comics)|Toad]]''': Man, this bums, yo. Even the flies here think they're better than us.
:'''[[w:Blob (comics)|Blob]]''': Yeah. I don't even know what we're doing at school anyway.
:'''[[w:Quicksilver (comics)|Quicksilver]]''': But we do know what Lance is doing here. He'd like to get a certain Kitty stuck in a tree. K-I-S-S-I....
:''[Quicksilver speeds away as Lance tries to hit him, causing him to hit Toad instead]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''[[w:Rogue (comics)|Rogue]]''': I'm about to feel really big and stupid, if you know what I mean.
:''[toward Blob, as she prepares to absorb his power.]''

===''Power Surge'' [2.02]===
:''Note'': Jean's mental abilities of telepathy and telekinesis being drastically augmented to tremendously incalculable power levels is [[w:foreshadowing|foreshadowing]] the inevitable emergence of the almighty [[w:Phoenix Force (comics)|Phoenix Force]] entity lying within her subconscious mind.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Nightcrawler''': What is going on up there?
:'''Shadowcat''': Yeah, is Jean all right?
:'''Charles''': No, she's not. Her powers are evolving too rapidly for her too control.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;

===''Bada-Bing Bada-Boom!'' [2.03]===
:''[Boom-Boom is selected first for the simulated cliff rescue operation, with Nightcrawler as the victim.]''
:'''[[w:Meltdown (comics)|Boom-Boom]]''': Yeah! Look out below! Boom-Boom's bombing in!
:'''[[w:Nightcrawler (comics)|Nightcrawler]]''': I'm going to die...
:''[Boom-Boom is lowered to Nightcrawler's position.]''
:'''Boom-Boom''': Hey, cutie!
:'''Nightcrawler''': Hi. I have to know: are you insane?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Boom-Boom carelessly sweeps Nightcrawler into the stretcher with her foot.]''
:'''Nightcrawler''': Ow! I'm an injured victim, not a log!
:'''Boom-Boom''': Nightcrawler&quot;, huh? That name's just not working for you, I'm sorry. Whoa! How about, &quot;Wild Blue Yonder Boy&quot;?
:'''Nightcrawler''': You ''are'' insane.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Nightcrawler''': Aha! You forgot to strap me in! Ten points off! ''[to Boom-Boom, after he pretends to fall off the stretcher]''

===''Fun and Games'' [2.04]===

===''The Beast of Bayville'' [2.05]===
:''[Dr. Hank McCoy is suffering a fit in the school bathroom. He is reciting Shakespeare to try and soothe himself.]''
:'''Hank McCoy''': [[Hamlet|For... in that sleep of... ''death''... what dreams may come when- ''argh!''- we have shuffled off this ''mortal''- coil... ARGH-MUST give us pause! Hnn-THERE'S... ''the respect that makes calamity''... of SO LONG LIFE]]! '''''GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!''''' ''[Tears the sink off the wall in reflex]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Jean has telekinetically pinned Beast to the wall.]''
:'''Spyke''': ''[Starts walking towards Beast]'' ''[To Beast]'' [[Macbeth|Show his eyes, and grieve his heart]].
:'''Storm''': ''[Lands]'' ''[To her nephew]'' Evan, no! Stay back!
:'''Spyke''': ''[To Beast]'' [[Macbeth|Come like shadows, so depart. Sleep shall neither night nor day. Hang upon his penthouse lid. He shall live a man forbid. Weary s'nights nine times nine. Shall he dwindle peak and pine]].
:''[Nightcrawler teleports in with Charles.]''
:'''Charles''': ''[Puts his hand on Beast's head, telepathically]'' ''[To Beast]'' Hank, listen to me. ''[Puts his other hand on his own head]'' You're still in there. You know what's happening to you, so take control. You're stronger than the beast. Don't give up.
:'''Spyke''': ''[To Beast]'' [[Macbeth|Though his part cannot be lost, yet it shall be tempest tossed]].

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Beast is staring at his reflection in the mirror.]''
:'''Beast''': ''[Sighs, then turns to Charles and Evan]'' ''[To Charles]'' I still look like a monster.
:'''Charles''': But you're now in the one place where that doesn't matter.
:'''Beast''': I can still feel it, though, inside.
:'''Charles''': And you probably always will.
:'''Beast''': The worst part is&amp;ndash; the very thing I feared most has happened. My teaching days are over now that I look like this.
:'''Evan''': ''[To Hank]'' Not so, teach. The prof can outfit you with an image inducer like Kurt's.
:'''Beast''': To look like whom? Hank McCoy? He's a wanted fugitive.
:'''Evan''': But you can be anybody.
:'''Beast''': With a beast inside trying to claw its way out, I just can't risk it.
:'''Charles''': ''[To Hank]'' What you need, Hank, are students who know your secrets, who have secrets of their own, and who need a man of your compassion to teach them.

===''Adrift'' [2.06]===
:'''Shadowcat''': Hello? Oh, Lance. Hey, I got it, Bobby! Get off the phone! Sorry. So what's going on? Oh. Yeah right, I can totally see us walking around the mall together. What makes you think I wanna- ''[Nightcrawler clears his throat; Shadowcats looks, gasps, and sees at a muscular Nightcrawler]''
:'''Nightcrawler''': Hey, Kitty. How's it going?
:'''Shadowcat''': Uh, hey let me think about it. I'll call you back. ''[she hangs up and laughs]'' What have you done to yourself? ''[Nightcrawler walks over to her]''
:'''Nightcrawler''': I've been working out. Can you tell? ''[his muscular form disappears back to his regular form]'' Oh bummer. ''[he walks out of Shadowcat's room; Shadowcat laughs]''
:'''Shadowcat''': You shouldn't be messing with your image inducer, Kurt.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Beast''': ''[Looking around at all of the melted snow from the mutant snowball fight]'' Well, so much for our winter wonderland. I can see now that teaching mutants will require entirely different skills. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Nightcrawler''': Hey. Welcome back, sailor.
:'''Cyclops''' ''[grinning]'': Uh, thanks... ma'am.
:'''Nightcrawler''': Ma'am? What's that suppose to mean? ''[he looks in the mirror to see a feminine version of him; he gasps]'' Professor!
:'''Professor Xavier''': I'm sorry. I couldn't resist. ''[he, Jean, and Cyclops laugh and so does Nightcrawler]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Spyke''': ''[to an overweight Kurt]'' Dude, lay off the burger bombs.

===''On Angel's Wings'' [2.07]===
:'''[[w:Shadowcat|Shadowcat]]''' ''[noticing Kurt holding a mistletoe above her head]'': Kurt! In your dreams!
:'''[[w:Nightcrawler|Nightcrawler]]''': All in the holiday spirit! ''[he closes his eyes and puckers his lips]''
:'''Shadowcat''' ''[standing up and running away]'': Kurt! Knock it off!
:'''Nightcrawler''': ''[Nightcrawler chases her]'' Come on, Kitty! Just one little kiss? Pleeaase? ''[Nightcrawler and Shadowcat run past Professor Xavier and Wolverine]'' 
:'''[[w:Professor X|Professor Xavier]]''': Ah, to be young again.
:'''[[w:Wolverine (comics)|Wolverine]]''': Yeah... glad that's over.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Beast (comics)|Beast]]''': Be not forgetful to entertain strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares. 
:'''[[w:Professor X|Professor Xavier]]''': Shakespeare?
:'''[[w:Beast (comics)|Beast]]''': The Bible.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Cyclops (comics)|Cyclops]]''': You mean he's some kind of demon?
:'''[[w:Rogue (comics)|Rogue]]''': ''[sarcastically]'' Yeah, right!
:'''[[w:Beast (comics)|Beast]]''': There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.&quot;
:'''Rogue''': Now ''that's'' Shakespeare. ''[About Angel and his recent vigilantism.]''

===''African Storm'' [2.08]===

===''Joyride'' [2.09]===
:''[About letting Avalanche join the X-Men.]''
:'''Cyclops''': Professor, I think this is a mistake. I ''know'' Lance; he wouldn't do this unless he wanted something.
:'''Professor X''': Yes, I agree. What he wants, is to be near Kitty.
:'''Cyclops''': But-
:'''Professor X''': I believe he's genuine about his feelings for her. And maybe, that's a good beginning. Now, let's give him a chance.
:'''Professor X''': Well, fortunately, there's no official mention of the incident. The military must believe it was a UFO sighting, so they are, no doubt, covering it up.
:'''Nightcrawler''': Now all I've got to do is wax the X-Jet and my probation is history. ''[Sees that the X-Jet is messed up, dismayed]'' Oh, man! This is gonna take a lot of wax!
:'''Professor X''': That's all right, Kurt. Consider your probation over. ''[As Kurt takes off celebrating, Xavier turns toward the new arrivals]'' Yours, however, is just beginning. And you can start by cleaning the X-Jet.

===''Mindbender'' [2.10]===
:''[Rogue cranks the Jack-in-the-Box until Mesmero's face pops up.]''
:'''Rogue''': The mind-bending Mesmero. He was in Bayville last week with that circus of mystery.
:'''Charles''': Then we need to attend their next engagement.
:'''Hank''': ''[Enters]'' Professor. The last remaining ring? It resides in Washington D.C., at the Museum of Eastern Antiquities.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[After telekinetically knocking Charles down, Mesmero goes into the tent. His control over the other X-Men finally wears off.]''
:'''Shadowcat''': ''[Relieved]'' Whoa. ''[Confused]'' What's going on? How did we get here?
:'''Wolverine''': ''[Massaging his injured shin]'' Yeah, sure, now you're all better.
:''[Jean slowly wakes up.]''
:'''Cyclops''': ''[Crouches down to help Jean up]'' Easy, Jean.
:'''Jean''': Scott?
:'''Cyclops''': I'm right here. Everything's okay.
:''[Rogue puts Charles back in his wheelchair, then uses the telekinesis she absorbed from Jean to tear apart the tent, but realizes that Mesmero is gone.]''
:'''Rogue''': ''[Realizes that Mesmero is gone]'' Hey! Where'd he go?!
:'''Beast''': ''[To Charles]'' Are you all right? Did Mesmero hurt you?
:'''Charles''': Not Mesmero, Hank. Mesmero was just another puppet, like Jean. There was someone else pulling the strings. A mind more powerful than anything I've ever encountered.
:'''Wolverine''': What could he possibly want with those rings?
:'''Charles''': I really don't know, but I doubt we'll like the answer.

===''Shadow Dance'' [2.11]===
:''[Wolverine and Nightcrawler escape from a pack of vicious reptilian demons in the &quot;bamf&quot; dimension.]''
:'''[[w:Wolverine (comics)|Wolverine]]''': Well I'd say they were pretty hostile. Wouldn't you?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''[[w:Meltdown (comics)|Boom-Boom]]''': Oh, come on! I don't look ''that'' bad!
:''[to Toad and Blob, who scream at the sight of a &quot;bamf&quot; demon, just as she exits the washroom.]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[The demons attack guests at the Bayville High Dance. One goes for Kurt and Amanda.]''
:'''[[w:Amanda Sefton|Amanda]]''': Kurt! Get us out of here!
:'''[[w:Nightcrawler (comics)|Nightcrawler]]''': How? We're trapped!
:'''Amanda''': Make us disappear! Hurry! I've seen you do it! ''Please''!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Amanda''': You know, blue really is my favorite color.
:''[to Nightcrawler, after he reveals his true physical form to her.]''

===''Retreat'' [2.12]===
:''[After Beast returns from his chaotic nightly rampage.]''
:'''[[w:Beast (comics)|Beast]]''': I don't know what to say... I am so sorry about this.
:'''[[w:Professor X|Professor Xavier]]''': Well, it was bound to happen.
:'''Beast''': What do you mean?
:'''Professor Xavier''': What was it the last time... You attended a drive-in movie, hidden in the bed of a pick-up truck?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''[[w:Shadowcat|Shadowcat]]''': How much do you know about the Redwoods?
:'''[[w:Iceman (comics)|Iceman]]''': Only that they make great hot tubs.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Beast''': Journey? Where can you go when you can't be seen by the public?
:''[to Professor Xavier, after he is advised to go on a trip to find himself.]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[After Beast announces his pick of students for an impromptu field trip to Redwood Forest.]''
:'''Iceman''': ''Me''? But my grades are improving!
:'''Beast''': Uh-huh. With the speed of a glacier. You, too, Evan.
:'''[[w:Spyke|Spyke]]''': Aw, come on, teach! Can't I do my studying somewhere else! Like going to the park! There's green stuff there!
:''[Beast looms in on Spyke in a mock-threatening way, cornering him by the door.]''
:'''Spyke''': ...do these forests have sidewalks?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[After Sunspot finishes covering the X-Jet in an ample amount of branches.]''
:'''[[w:Wolfsbane (comics)|Wolfsbane]]''': It was plenty camouflaged!
:'''[[w:Sunspot (comics)|Sunspot]]''': A few more branches couldn't hurt.
:'''Wolfsbane''': I smell overachiever issues.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Beast''': Send me an e-mail, and I'll take your complaint under &quot;advisement&quot;.
:''[to Spyke, as the latter protests at the beginning of the trek.]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Beast''': This is not who I am.
:'''Shadowcat''': Maybe it's who you're meant to be.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Beast''': You can't go back either, huh?
:''[to a stranded fish beached on the side of a river.]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[After Beast assigns the students to find five different types of rocks.]''
:'''Wolfsbane''': Five samples. I guess a go getter like you will bring back ten.
:'''Sunspot''': Maybe twelve. You see, the first five are like a cake; the rest are like the icing. And I like icing.
:'''Wolfsbane''': I ''thought'' you were putting on a little weight.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Big Foot Fanatic''': ...is he wearing ''trunks''?
:''[about Beast, whom has been accidentally caught on tape and mistaken as Big Foot.]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Big Foot Fanatic''': It looks like we've got ourselves [[w:The Real McCoy|the real McCoy]].
:''[about Beast, after the expedition successfully captures him.]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Two hunters are searching for Bigfoot, using whistles that replicate animal calls]''
:'''Hunter 1''': Where I can I get one of those?
:'''Hunter 2''': Bigfoot trading post. Ask for [[wikipedia:Fox Mulder|Mulder]]
:''[Beast swings in the trees above them while [[The X-Files]] theme plays]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Big Foot Research Scientist''': This is a wonder of Nature! It is our duty to respect it!
:'''Hunter 1''': What? It's not like we're going to make a rug out of it!
:'''Hunter 2''': A ''coat'', maybe, but not a rug.
:''[about the captive Beast, after the hunters comment how much Big Foot will be worth in the market.]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Big Foot Research Scientist''': Good Heavens! You ''can'' speak!
:''[to a captive Beast, as the latter attempts to strike up a friendly intellectual conversation with him.]''

===''Walk on the Wild Side'' [2.13]===
:''[After Boom-Boom barges into the bathroom without knocking, effectively interrupting Toad.]''
:'''[[w:Toad (comics)|Toad]]''': Man! I take one shower a month, and still I get no privacy!
:'''Boom Boom''': Here, you dropped the soap.
:''[She drops bombs into the bath, causing water to spill out along with a screaming Todd]''
:'''Boom Boom''': ''[to Blob, who is walking upstairs]'' Ya know, Freddie, [[w:Mohawk hairstyle|mohawks]] are ''so'' last century. ''[to Avalanche, who is rummaging around in the fridge]'' Lance! Any gas in your [[w:jeep|jeep]]?
:'''Avalanche''': Yeah. Why?
:''[Boom Boom drives off in Lance's jeep]''
:'''Avalanche''': She's taken my ride!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''[[w:Magma (comics)|Magma]]''': Look, didn't your mother teach you not to pick on girls?!
:'''[[w:chop shop|Chop Shop]] Boss''': Oh, yeah. Yeah, too bad I never listened to her. 
:'''Boom Boom''': Well, guess what, braindead? She was right! And here's why!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Cyclops and Nightcrawler are on a stake-out watching for the girls]''
:'''[[w:Nightcrawler (comics)|Nightcrawler]]''': Blue Boy to Tracker One. Do you read? The pigeons are leaving the roost.
:'''[[w:Cyclops (comics)|Cyclops]]''': Kurt, I'm right here... and why are you talking like that?

===''Operation: Rebirth'' [2.14]===

===''The HeX Factor'' [2.15]===
:'''[[w:Meltdown (comics)|Boom-Boom]]''': Let me guess: you must be Mistic.
:'''[[w:Mystique (comics)|Mystique]]''': Try ''Mystique''. This is my home, and my rules. Rule Number One: Move out of my room. Think you can handle that, ''Bam-Bam''?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mystique''': Gentlemen, meet your new secret weapon.
:'''[[w:Quicksilver (comics)|Quicksilver]]''': Wanda?!
:'''[[w:Scarlet Witch|Scarlet Witch]]''': Pietro?! 
:''[Scarlet Witch goes into a rage and starts using her powers against the Brotherhood.]''
:'''[[w:Toad (comics)|Toad]]''': Ex-girlfriend?
:'''Quicksilver''': Worse! She's my ''sister!''
:'''Toad''': Your sister?
:'''Lance''': Whoa! You two need some serious family councilling!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Boom-Boom''': Room's all yours, ''Mys-tique''!
:''[after blowing up said room with her time bombs.]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''[[w:Shadowcat|Shadowcat]]''': ... So? What does it need?
:'''[[w:Nightcrawler (comics)|Nightcrawler]]''': Something to wash out the taste.
:''[about the rubbery muffins Shadowcat made for Home Economics class.]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Shadowcat''': Ok, how do these taste after my last six batches?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Nightcrawler''': Well, better do as he says. ''[Nightcrawler teleports, dropping Kitty's muffin, which cracks the floor tiles]''
:'''Shadowcat''': ''[to Cyclops]'' Muffin?

===''Day of Reckoning - Part 1'' [2.16]===

===''Day of Reckoning - Part 2'' [2.17]===
:'''[[w:Scarlet Witch|Scarlet Witch]]''': Hello, Father.
:'''Magneto''': Wanda! Not now!
:'''[[w:Scarlet Witch|Scarlet Witch]]''': You locked me away.
:'''Magneto''': You gave me no choice. You couldn't control your anger.
:'''[[w:Scarlet Witch|Scarlet Witch]]''': You haven't seen me angry, until now!

==Season 3==
===''Day of Recovery'' [3.01]===
:'''[[w:Toad (comics)|Toad]]''': Ooh, beautiful ''and'' bad.
:''[at Scarlet Witch, after she hexes a number of pursuing troops.]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[The Brotherhood house: The police cars are parked outside. Toad, hanging a bag on his shoulder, hops on the roof, then hops down on the ground. He is grabbed by Lance, who pulls him into the back of the house.]''
:'''Lance''': ''[Searches through the bag]'' ''[To Toad]'' Hey, Toad! Where are our clothes? ''[Pulls out Wanda's nightgown]'' This is all just Wanda's stuff! ''[Wanda snatches her nightgown from him]''
:'''Toad''': Yeah, well, who cares what we wear. ''[To Wanda]'' I'd go with the, uh, black apres, red top, and matching ruby choker.
:''[Wanda shoves Toad away and walks away.]''
:'''Toad''': ''[Sighs dreamily]'' She makes a guy wanna- brush his teeth.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[The lookout point: Wolverine is looking at the destroyed institute through binoculars. He growls.]''
:'''Shadowcat''': ''[To everyone else]'' Now what? The institute's gone, the professor's missing, we can't go back to school, and it's open season on mutants.
:'''Nightcrawler''': ''[To Shadowcat]'' Well, look at the bright side, no homework.
:'''Jean Grey''': ''[Approaches Cyclops]'' ''[To Cyclops]'' Scott, it's not all your fault.
:'''Cyclops''': Yeah, right. Face it, Jean, I blew it. I gambled and I lost. Without Mystique, there's no way to find the professor.
:'''Wolverine''': ''[Approaches Cyclops and Jean]'' ''[To Cyclops]'' Hey, if you hadn't have done it, I would have. We'll find him without her.
:'''Storm''': ''[To everyone else]'' But right now, we have a world out there to worry about: A world that fears us. Somehow, we must teach them that we're the good guys, before it's too late.

===''The Stuff of Heroes'' [3.02]===
:'''[[w:Rogue (comics)|Rogue]]''': ''[Seeing herself on TV]'' ''[Outraged]'' Normal?! Look at me! I look fat! ''[To Logan]'' Do I look that fat to you?
:'''[[w:Wolverine (comics)|Wolverine]]''': Shh. Pipe down, would ya? We're tryin' to keep a low profile.
:'''[[w:Rogue (comics)|Rogue]]''': Well, I am ''not'' buyin' these cupcakes. ''[Puts back the cupcakes]''
:''[about the news broadcast revealing her as a mutant.]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[After Nightcrawler teleports upside-down, but attains reception on the pocket television he is carrying.]''
:'''[[w:Nightcrawler (comics)|Nightcrawler]]''': Oh, man! I'm trapped here!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Nightcrawler''': Do you ''mind''? You're in my personal space!
:''[to Shadowcat, as she phases halfway through him to get a better view of the television.]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Nightcrawler, along with Shadowcat, teleports into an attacking helicopter.]''
:'''Nightcrawler''': Hi! I'm Nightcrawler, and this is Shadowcat.
:'''[[w:Shadowcat|Shadowcat]]''': And this is your weapons system.
:''[Shadowcat phases through the controls, short-circuiting them.]''
:'''Both''': ''[Waving.]'' Bye!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''[[w:Juggernaut (comics)|Juggernaut]]''': What are you trying to do? ''Embarass'' me to death? Come on, gimme your best shot!
:'''[[w:Cyclops (comics)|Cyclops]]''': You know, that's just what I had in mind. ''[starts to use his eye blasts against Juggernaut]''
:'''Juggernaut''': You think that fancy visor's gonna stop me?! NOTHING stops me! '''I'M RAW POWER!'''
:'''Cyclops''': Yeah? You want it raw, tough guy? Then take it RAW! ''[removes his visor and uses his powers at full force]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[After the X-Men defeat the Juggernaut and save the dam.]''
:'''Senator''': Er... what did they just do?
:'''[[w:Storm (comics)|Storm]]''': What they were trained to do: use their powers for good.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Train Driver''': ''[to police officer, showing him Juggernaut in train]'' See, I told you. He jumped on at Roseburg and look at the size of him!
:'''Officer''': All right step on out here big guy! Nice and easy
:'''Juggernaut''': ''[sighs]'' You do not want to do this.
:'''Officer''': ''[takes his beating stick]'' Get out of there ''now'' and identify yourself!
:'''Juggernaut''': ''[puts on helmet]'' Hm, you want to know who I am? ''[gets up and jumps through roof of train car]'' Juggernaut! ''[pushes them aside and walks off]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[The X-Men discover Charles in Juggernaut's holding tank.]''
:'''Jean''': ''[To Charles]'' Professor! ''[To the technician]'' Is he all right?
:'''Technician''': Yes, he'll be fine. We had no idea.
:'''Cyclops''': ''[To the technician]'' Just get him out of there.
:'''Technician''': ''[Types on the keyboard to open the tank]'' I don't understand how anyone could get Juggernaut out, let alone get Professor Xavier in.
:'''Rogue''': That's Mystique.
:'''Jean''': We've learned never to underestimate her.
:''[Wolverine arrives.]''
:'''Wolverine''': ''[To Cyclops]'' Good job. ''[Cyclops nods]''
:''[The tank opens. Cyclops steps inside and holds Charles as he wakes up.]''
:'''Cyclops''': Easy, professor. Everything is gonna be okay.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''President''': My fellow Americans - ''all'' my fellow Americans, human and mutant - I stand before you now to clear the X-Men of all wrongdoing in the giant Sentinel robot disaster. The real criminal suspect behind the Sentinel weapon has been arrested and charged. This has caught us all by surprise, but isn't reason for any of us to judge people solely by their differences. To put it as simply as I can, we need to learn more. We need to be open-minded. And we need to give this mutant question more time.

===''Mainstream'' [3.03]===
:''[Jubilee hands her father her suitcases. Her father takes them and puts them in the trunk of the car, as Logan and Charles look on.]''
:'''Logan''': ''[Sighs]'' ''[To Charles]'' First Rahne, now Jubilee. I can't believe parents are pulling their kids out of here. Do they really it'll any better for 'em at home?
:'''Charles''': I hate to admit it, Logan, but I would probably do the same thing.
:''[Jubilee drives away with her father, as Logan and Charles look on.]''
:'''Charles''': After all, I promised them their children would be safe here. Obviously, that hasn't been the case.
:'''Logan''': This is my fault. ''[Zips up his jacket and tugs it]'' I shoulda caught Mystique's scent when she was here posing as you.
:'''Charles''': And I should have sensed her in Wanda's hospital room before she abducted me. But the fact is, with her advanced shape-changing abilities, she's now able to conceal herself completely from us.
:'''Logan''': Yeah, well- ''[Walks away from Charles]'' I still shoulda known. I'm going for a ride, Charles.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Duncan''': Jean, I want you to know: This doesn't change a thing.
:'''[[w:Jean Grey |Jean]]''': It doesn't?
:'''Duncan''': Of Course Not. I'm prepared to overlook your problem.
:'''Jean''': Problem?
:'''Duncan''': Yeah. We could really use your mind-reading powers to good use, like during exams...
:'''Jean''': You...you lug head! We are ''so'' through!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''[[w:Colossus (comics)|Colossus]]''': When you tire of the discrimination, Magneto offers you the chance to join him.
:'''[[w:Wolverine (comics)|Wolverine]]''': So I can become a lackey like you?! I don't think so!
:'''Colossus''': I am not a lackey! I... I have no choice.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''[[w:Blob (comics)|Blob]]''': We don't go anywhere we ain't wanted.
:'''[[w:Toad (comics)|Toad]]''': Since when?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Toad''': If you can't be cool, be feared. My momma always told me that!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Kid''': Hey, what's your special power? Can you, like, read my mind?
:'''[[w:Rogue (comics)|Rogue]]''': Yeah, like I could find it.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''[[w:Shadowcat (comics)|Shadowcat]]''': This is the real you, isn't it?! You're nothing but a hood!
:'''[[w:Avalanche (comics)|Avalanche]]''': Right. I'll ''never'' be good enough for ''you''!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Logan is walking when he sees the X-Men walking past him on their way to Sub-Level 7.]''
:'''Logan''': ''[To Scott]'' There a funeral I don't know about?
:'''Scott''': Could say that. We dug our own graves last night.

===''The Stuff of Villains'' [3.04]===

===''Blind Alley'' [3.05]===
:''Note'': Scott and Jean's platonic feelings for each other strengthens into pure romance.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''[[w:Cyclops (comics)|Cyclops]]''': Logan, have you ever... you know... really cared for someone?
:'''[[w:Wolverine (comics)|Wolverine]]''': Pliers.
:'''Cyclops''': ''[tosses wire strippers]'' I mean, you felt it so strong you couldn't even get the words out?
:'''Wolverine''': Yeah, once. Most beautiful bike I ever saw. I was so speechless someone else bought her. ''[groans]'' Not wire strippers, ''pliers''! Use your eyes, kid!
:'''Cyclops''': Problem is, how's the guy supposed to know if the girl feels the same way?
:'''Wolverine''': Look, here's how I see it: I'd like to finish this job before New Years. So if you don't tell her, ''I will''.

===''X-Treme Measures'' [3.06]===
:''[Evan pours himself a glass of milk, which he drinks, then pours himself another glass.]''
:'''Ray''': ''[To Evan]'' Evan. Quit zoning out, man. How 'bout sharing some of that milk?
:''[Evan pushes the milk carton towards Ray. As Ray takes the carton, Evan discovers that his hand is covered in bone plates, prompting him to cover it with his other hand.]''
:'''Ray''': Thanks. ''[Pours milk into his bowl of cereal]''
:''[Evan stands up and carries his bowl to the sink.]''
:'''Ray''': Hey, uh, you entering that Pow-R8 skate this morning?
:'''Evan''': ''[Puts his bowl in the sink]'' Yeah, why?
:'''Ray''': 'Cause I think it's about to start.
:''[Evan turns to look at the clock.]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Ray slowly frees his body from Torpid's immobilizing touch. Scaleface approaches him and transforms into a dragon.]''
:'''Ray''': ''[To Scaleface]'' Scaleface! You gotta let me go!
:''[Ray blasts the manhole cover into the air and climbs out. He dodges Scaleface's hand as she tries to grab him. As Ray runs down the street, he pulls out his cellphone and calls Charles.]''
:'''Ray''': ''[On his phone]'' Professor, I know where Evan is!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Ororo is looking for Evan.]''
:'''Ororo''': Evan!
:'''Evan''': ''[Approaches his aunt]'' ''[To his aunt]'' I'm here.
:'''Ororo''': Evan! ''[Starts to run to her nephew]''
:'''Evan''': ''[Stops Ororo]'' Wait! Stay back. I'm- I'm going through some changes.
:'''Ororo''': That doesn't matter. Let me take you home.
:'''Evan''': No. Not right now. I just gotta take a break. Everything's so crazy right now.
:'''Ororo''': But we can help you through this.
:'''Evan''': Please don't worry about me, or look for me. I'm with friends. Goodbye, Auntie O. ''[Walks away along with the Morlocks]''
:'''Ororo''': Wait! ''[Starts running after Evan and the Morlocks]'' Evan, don't go! ''[Stops running after seeing that Evan and the Morlocks have disappeared]'' Evan! ''[Becomes heartbroken and devastated]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Charles closes the door of his car.]''
:'''Charles''': Logan, let's go home. ''[Buckles his seatbelt]''
:'''Kitty''': ''[In the driver's seat wearing the driver's hat, shocking Charles]'' ''[To Charles]'' Logan said I could drive. Hang on, we'll be there in a jiffy!
:''[Kitty drives away, with Charles pressed up against the window in terror.]''

===''The Toad, the Witch and the Wardrobe'' [3.07]===
:'''[[w:Quicksilver (comics)|Quicksilver]]''': May I remind you losers that Magneto put me in charge of this group for a reason? The only chance you have of joining his new group is if you guys can prove you can work together as a team. And that, my friends, takes leadership. Strong, decisive, fearless- WANDA! Don't tell her I'm here!
:''[Quicksilver hides in a closet as Scarlet Witch storms into the Brotherhood home.]''
:'''[[w:Toad (comics)|Toad]]''': Babycakes, you've come back to me.
:'''[[w:Scarlet Witch|Scarlet Witch]]''': Where is he?!
:'''[[w:Toad (comics)|Toad]]''': Pietro? He's in the closet.
:''[Wanda uses her powers to rip away the door.]''
:'''Quicksilver''': Thanks a lot, wart boy!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''[[w:Nightcrawler (comics)|Nightcrawler]]''': That was a delicious dinner, Mrs. Sefton.
:'''Amanda's Mother''': Well, it was sweet of you to offer to do the dishes.
:'''[[w:Amanda Sefton|Amanda]]''': Oh, Kurt is very considerate. He gets good grades, too. ''And'' he has the nicest friends.
:''[Immediately before Toad crashes into the Sefton cottage and tries to steal Nightcrawler's portable holo-projector.]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[After Toad accidentally slips into the sink.]''
:'''Toad''': ''EW!'' I touched soap!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Toad has destroyed Amanda's house and stolen Kurt's image inducer, revealing his true self]''
:'''Amanda''': ''[weakly]'' So, who wants dessert?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Nightcrawler is sadly staring at a picture of himself and Amanda.]''
:'''Toad''': ''[Hops in through the window, causing Nightcrawler to turn around]'' ''[To Nightcrawler]'' Hey, hey, hey! Nightcreeper!
:'''Nightcrawler''': ''[Enraged]'' You! You ruined my life, you bug-eating scab! Give me back my inducer!
:'''Toad''': ''[Hop on the bed]'' Now, I'm sensing some hostility here.
:''[Losing control of his rage, Nightcrawler attempts to tackle Toad, but he jumps up in the air and lands on top of him. Nightcrawler throws Toad on the floor and they start fighting.]''
:'''Toad''': ''[Gets Nightcrawler in a headlock]'' Uh, would this be the wrong time to ask you for a favor?
:''[Nightcrawler throws Toad of him, then tackles him. They keep fighting.]''
:'''Toad''': ''[Pins Nightcrawler down]'' Look, I haven't got your inducer, okay? But you'll get it back, I promise. I just need your help on a teeny-weeny matter.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Nightcrawler and Toad arrive outside Magneto's hideout.]''
:'''Toad''': ''[To Nightcrawler]'' Look, all you gotta do is get us in there. I'll do the &quot;damsel rescuing&quot;.
:'''Nightcrawler''': Fine. But the minute we're out, we go get the inducer, right?
:'''Toad''': Yeah, uh, well&amp;ndash; ''[Pulls out the image inducer]'' about that&amp;ndash;
:'''Nightcrawler''': ''[Enraged]'' You slimeball! You said you didn't have it! ''[Snatches the image inducer from Toad]'' Okay, that's it! I'm outta here! ''[Tries to storm off]''
:'''Toad''': ''[Stops Nightcrawler before he can storm off]'' Wait, wait! Look, give me a break, will ya? I just want a chance to&amp;ndash; ''[Sighs]'' to look good for Wanda, you know? Like you do for Amanda.
:'''Nightcrawler''': You mean, like I did, till you showed up.
:'''Toad''': Okay, okay. But you know, hiding who we are is something you and me kinda got in common, especially if it's for someone we care about. Come on, what do ya say?
:'''Nightcrawler''': ''[Sighs, knowing he has no choice but to help Toad rescue Wanda]'' Somebody kick me.
:'''Toad''': All right! ''[Snatches the image inducer from Nightcrawler]'' You're my man elf! ''[Puts on the image inducer and uses it to transform into Eric]'' Now we be rescuing, ja ja?
:''[Nightcrawler takes Toad's arm and teleports them both into the hideout.]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Wanda is taking out some books from a bookcase and putting them in a box, with Toad looking on.]''
:'''Toad''': ''[To Wanda]'' Okay, okay. Let me get this straight. You mean, you're not mad at your father no more?
:'''Wanda''': Not really. I know I was once, but- it's funny. I just can't seem to remember why. It's all a blur.
:'''Toad''': Man! They really did a number on your head. Well, let me enlighten you, Snookums. Uh, see, when you were a kid-
:''[Pietro speeds by, grabbing Toad and taking him to the kitchen.]''
:'''Pietro''': ''[To Toad]'' Are you nuts?! Why do you wanna start all that again?!
:'''Toad''': Hey, I was just-
:'''Pietro''': Look, she's a lot happier with all those memories gone, which means she'll stop looking for Magneto, which means she'll stick around here near you.
:'''Toad''': Ha ha ha. You got a point. Okay, I'll keep my mouth shut. Besides, if she can get over hating her father, then there's hope for me yet.
:''[Toad hops back to Wanda.]''

===''Self Possessed'' [3.08]===
:'''Jamie''': Come on, Kitty, just wear it for a while.
:'''Kitty''': Jamie, I said no.
:''[Jamie makes a sad face]''
:'''Kitty''': Oh alright, but this does not mean we're on a date.
:'''Jamie''': It doesn't? {places corsage on kitty}
:'''Kitty''': Listen, you were the only one who didn't have plans. Besides you're, like, 12 years old. 
:'''Jamie''': But Roberto lent me his suit and everything. He expects a full report.
:'''Kitty''': Jamie!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Rogue is inside the infirmary recovering, with Logan by her side. Charles is outside looking on.]''
:'''Scott''': ''[Approaches Charles]'' ''[To Charles]'' How long has he been in there?
:'''Charles''': He's never left her side.
:'''Scott''': But she is recovering, right?
:'''Charles''': Yes- slowly. However, having all of those personalities driven out has left her very fragile. And her toughest challenge still awaits her: Coming to term with who Risty really was, and who Mystique really is.
:''[Inside the infirmary.]''
:'''Logan''': ''[To Rogue]'' Hmm. I won't lie to you, kid. Getting over this ain't gonna be easy. Something about&amp;ndash; betrayal always sticks with you, but trust me, you'll learn to deal with it. ''[Takes Rogue's hand]'' You move on, and&amp;ndash; you let your real friends be there for you.
:''[Rogue's hand squeezes Logan's, which Logan notices and smiles. Rogue, having woken up, sheds tears of happiness.]''

===''Under Lock and Key'' [3.09]===

'''Magneto''': [to Acolytes] I don't care what it takes, destroy that spider!

===''X23'' [3.10]===
:'''Deborah Risman''': My job there ''[HYDRA]'' was to create a weapon. The perfect weapon. Based on data HYDRA had stolen from a project codenamed: Weapon X. But I failed. Time and time again. Twenty-two times to be precise. Twenty-three was the charm once we realized where to look for the answers. It was you, Weapon...uh, Wolverine. Your healing factor was the key. Therefore, we... ''acquired'' your DNA.
:'''Wolverine''': You...cloned me?
:'''Deborah Risman''': Not entirely. I had to make a few genetic variations. Unfortunately, that caused some...instability. X-23 became volatile. Dangerous. Our efforts to breed out emotions left behind...explosive anger. I succeeded in creating the ultimate weapon.
:'''Wolverine''': But then you couldn't control it.
:'''Deborah Risman''': She's out there, somewhere. And she must be found.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Deborah Risman''': HYDRA molded her from birth. Removing all distractions. Isolating her from all attachments...or love.
:'''Wolverine''': And yet you just let it all happen.
:'''Deborah Risman''': It was made very clear that I could leave if I disapproved. For her sake, I chose to stay. We trained her how to blend in naturally with others. But when she watched children having fun, witnessed loving families... unexpected hostilities emerged. When she was twelve... they put her through the Weapon X process.
:'''Wolverine''': '''''ENOUGH!''''' She's a ''child'', not a weapon! ''[Growls]'' How do you sleep at night?
:'''Deborah Risman''': I don't. That's why I'm here. To help her. To try and undo some of the damage I've done.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Scott and Ray see that the person trying to enter is Rogue.]''
:'''Rogue''': ''[Recoils in fright]'' Stop, it's me!
:''[Scott and Ray sigh in relief before the former grabs and pulls Rogue in, then closes the doors.]''
:'''Rogue''': What's going on?
:'''Scott''': Someone's infiltrated the institute. They've already taken down the professor.
:'''Rogue''': ''[Horrified]'' Oh, no.
:'''Ray''': ''[Crouches down in front of Charles]'' It's small, but I think I can zap it off without hurting him.
:'''Scott''': Do it.
:''[Ray charges and moves his hand over the device on Charles' head, ready to zap it off.]''
:'''Logan''': ''[Bursts in]'' Don't! Those things are wired to explode.
:''[Ray recoils in horror.]''
:'''Scott''': Logan, who's doing all this?
:'''Logan''': We gotta get you three outta here.
:'''Scott''': No! I'm not leaving without the others.
:'''Rogue''': Me neither.
:'''Ray''': I'm staying, too.
:''[Logan growls in anger.]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Wolverine''': ''[taking over training from Beast]'' The course has a new objective today.
:'''New mutants''': ''[collective groan]''
:'''Wolverine''': It's called....Mutant Dodgeball.
:'''New mutants''': ''[collective cheer]''
:'''Iceman''': Yes! I am ''so'' good at this game!
:'''Wolverine''': Oh, and extra credit for anyone who takes out the ice cube.
:'''Iceman''': ''[Shocked]'' What?!
:'''Professor Xavier''': Why the change of tactics, Logan?
:'''Wolverine''': Sometimes, you gotta let kids just be kids.

===''Dark Horizon - Part 1'' [3.11]===
:''[The X-Men and the New Mutants are preparing breakfast. - Ray using a blender to make a milkshake, Kurt setting the table, Amara frying eggs, Scott opening a bag of bagels and taking out a bagel, Bobby eating an apple and icing everyone's drinks, and Jean using a toaster. Rogue, still having a headache, enters and sees the X-Men and the New Mutants having breakfast, Bobby carrying a bowl of fruit, Ray pouring himself a drink, Kurt eating eggs, and Kitty phasing into the fridge to get jelly, butter, and two orange juice cartons. She phases out and throws Roberto and the three Jamie clones the jelly, butter, and the two orange juice cartons. Two Jamie clones catch the jelly and butter, while one Jamie clone and Roberto catch the two orange juice cartons. - Rogue enters and observes.]''
:'''Rogue''': ''[To herself]'' I think I'm gonna pass on breakfast. ''[Walks away]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Gambit breaks up a fight between Wolverine and Sabretooth.]''
:'''Gambit''': Here's a bulletin: Now, this ain't about you pitbulls! Let's go find Rogue.

===''Dark Horizon - Part 2'' [3.12]===
:''[Gambit, Sabertooth, and Wolverine are tracking Rogue on a snowy mountain]''
:'''Wolverine''': ''[Sniffs]'' Hm, three of them, and since I can't detect a third scent, it must be Mystique.
:'''Gambit''': How 'bout you guys stop sniffin' everything and follow the footprints!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Shadowcat and Nightcrawler under the Sphinx]''
:'''Shadowcat''': ''[To Nightcrawler]'' I think we're close. Why don't you go up and join the Professor? I'll look for the others.
:'''Nightcrawler''': ''[Regarding Colossus]'' And leave you alone with Steel Face? Forget it, he shouldn't be trusted.
:'''Shadowcat''': Oh, he's not that bad, kind of a softy if you ask me. He's just so quiet.
:'''Colossus''': ''[After breaking through a wall to regroup with them]'' I, I grew concerned.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Gambit, Sabertooth, and Wolverine just fended off a mental attack by Mesmaro]''
:'''Wolverine''': Xavier's mental blocks just saved our lives.
:'''Sabertooth''': ''[To Wolverine]'' Especally yours, Mesmero was telling me to push you off the mountain. Problem is; I'm still tempted.
:'''Gambit''': Do me a favor, why don't you both jump off the mountain!

===''Cruise Control'' [3.13]===
:''[Cyclops and Jean Grey show outright affection for each other.]''
:'''[[w:Shadowcat|Shadowcat]]''': Oh, man. Are they for real?
:'''[[w:Nightcrawler (comics)|Nightcrawler]]''': ''[imitating]'' Jean, darling, please accept this croissant as a symbol of my love.
:'''Shadowcat''': Oh, Scott... you have such a way with pastry...

== Season 4 ==
===''Impact'' [4.01]===
:'''[[w:Toad (comics)|Toad]]''': [[Back to the Future|Hello, McFly!]] ''[to Mystique, now a stone statue, as he knocks on her head]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''[[w:Nightcrawler (comics)|Nightcrawler]]''': If you don't help her, this will haunt you for the rest of your life. Prove that you're not like her.
:''[to Rogue, in persuading her to save Mystique.]''

===''No Good Deed'' [4.02]===
:'''[[w:Toad (comics)|Toad]]''': Never fear, people, the Brotherhood has arrived. We'll stop that runaway train.
:'''[[Bystander]]''': Yeah, but what about the other train?
:'''[[w:Quicksilver (comics)|Quicksilver]]''': Uh... What other train?
:'''Bystander''': Radio says one's coming the other way carrying eight tankers of gasoline.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''[[w:Avalanche (comics)|Avalanche]]''': Yea ''THIS&quot;LL go out with a bang.''

===''Target X'' [4.03]===
:''[The Xavier Institute.]''
:'''Bobby''': I'm just saying I'm practically an X-Man. I don't need to learn this stuff. None of us do.
:'''Scott''': Look- ''[Wipes an apple in his hand with a cloth]'' -I understand that Jean and I aren't that much older, but we have been doing this for longer. ''[Puts down the apple on Bobby's table]''
:'''Jean''': We've learned a lot since we've been here, working with the professor, Storm, and Logan. ''[Telekinetically levitates the New Mutants into the air]''
:'''Scott''': We could say we've got experience on our side. ''[Lifts up his sunglasses and fires an optic beam that barely misses Bobby, reflects off the walls and ceiling, barely missing the New Mutants by an inch, and comes down and splits an apple on Bobby's desk in two]''
:'''Bobby''': ''[Impressed]'' Whoa.
:'''Jean''': ''[Telekinetically lowers the New Mutants back into their seats]'' Now do you guys wanna something from us old timers or not?
:''[Logan, who is outside looking on, chuckles. As Logan walks away, the doors close.]''

===''Sins of the Son'' [4.04]===

===''Uprising'' [4.05]===
:'''[[w:Magma (comics)|Magma]]''': Hey! Accidents happen. Like, if I &quot;accidentally&quot; dropped this, it will &quot;accidentally&quot; burn a hole right through your car.
:''[to Duncan, as he threatens Cannonball.]''
:'''Duncan''': Get away from there, or I'll show you how accidents can go both ways!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[After Amara and Sam leave, Spyke lands in front of Duncan and his two companions.]''
:'''[[w:Spyke|Spyke]]''': As for you: threatening little girls? You're lucky I just damaged your car.
:'''[[w:Duncan Matthews|Duncan]]''': Yeah, and you think you're going to get away with messing up my ride?
:'''Spyke''': Well, I guess the question is: ''[Pops his wrist spikes]'' What are you gonna do about it?
:''[Duncan backs up in fear. He and Spyke notice the former's phone on the ground. Spyke flips it to him with his wrist spike.]''
:'''Spyke''': Go ahead. Make your call. Spread the word. Tell them the mutants of Bayville are off-limits to hate crime, as of now.
:''[Spyke jumps into the sewers, shooting off two flaming arrows that blow up Duncan's car.]''
:'''Duncan''': ''[Into phone]'' Get me the police!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Wolverine''': When did the porcupine start shooting flaming arrows? Did I miss an upgrade notice or something?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Wolverine''': Maybe it slipped your notice, Chuck, but I'm not exactly the model of restraint.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Wolverine''': ''[After being told by Charles to go to the sewers instead of Storm]'' Alright, I'll try to sweet talk the kid into not smacking down creeps and thugs who deserve it. But you'll be lucky if I don't end up joining him myself.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Beast''': We, scientists, have a special term for that called &quot;I don't know...&quot;

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Kid''': I'm starting to think the old lady next door might actually be one.
:''[during the news channel coverage on the public's reaction toward mutants.]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Farmer''': What's a mutant?
:''[during the news channel coverage on the public's reaction toward mutants.]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Duncan points his gun at a hovering Jean.]''
:'''[[w:Jean Grey|Jean Grey]]''': ''[To Duncan]'' Duncan, don't do this.
:'''Duncan''': Save it, Jean. My days of listening to you are over.
:''[Duncan fires a blast at Jean, but she blocks it with a telekinetic barrier, then telekinetically blasts him onto a car roof.]''
:'''Jean Grey''': And ''my'' days of putting up with ''you'' are over!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[After Dorian Leech suddenly causes all the power to go out, including mutant power.]''
:'''[[w:Cyclops (comics)|Cyclops]]''': ''[Removes his visor and realizes]'' That kid! he's somehow supressing the energy around here. Including mutant powers.
:'''[[w:Wolverine (comics)|Wolverine]]''': ''[Wincing in pain]'' Yeah&amp;ndash; ''[Retracts his claws]'' How nice.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Spyke starts to approach the manhole when Storm approaches him.]''
:'''Storm''': '[To her nephew]'' Evan, please. You don't have to go back with them. Return to the Institute.
:'''Spyke''': Sorry, Auntie O. But this? ''[Picks up Duncan's gun]'' This isn't over. And you guys don't need me, not like they do.
:'''Storm''': Then just know that I am proud of you.
:''[Spyke looks at his aunt and the rest of the X-Men, then chuckles and goes down into the sewers.]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Dorian and his mother are approaching their house when Charles approaches them.]''
:'''Charles''': ''[To Mrs. Leech]'' Mrs. Leech. I realize this will be difficult times. ''[Hands Mrs. Leech a business card. Mrs. Leech takes it]'' But there is a place where you can find help. The Xavier Institute for Gifted Children will welcome Dorian, when you feel he's ready.
:''[Dorian smiles at Charles, who wheels away.]''

===''Cajun Spice'' [4.06]===
:''[Wolverine invades the Acolyte base and threatens Pyro.]''
:'''[[w:Wolverine (comics)|Wolverine]]''': I'm looking for Gambit.
:'''[[w:Pyro (comics)|Pyro]]''': Watch it, mate. You're wrinkling the uniform!
:''[Pyro forms a fiery dragon and uses it to attack Wolverine.]''
:'''Pyro''': I'm ''real'' glad you dropped by, since I've been bored outta my skull!
:''[Wolverine eventually manages to destroy Pyro's flame-thrower, defeating the dragon. He then grabs Pyro.]''
:'''Wolverine''': Where's your buddies?!
:'''Pyro''': Since Magneto's gone, Colossus bailed and went back to Russia, Sabretooth's out playing with a big ball of yarn somewhere, and Gambit didn't leave a note on the fridge.
:''[Wolverine throws him back into his chair and walks away.]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''[[w:Rogue (comics)|Rogue]]''': What is it with you and cards?
:'''[[w:Gambit (comics)|Gambit]]''': Oh, it's like having fifty-two explosives in one little pocket. I always save her for last.
:'''Rogue''': Queen of Hearts?
:'''Gambit''': My lucky lady. She's gotten me out of a lot of jams.
:'''Rogue''': Then I need a deck of those.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[After Rogue dangles Gambit halfway out of the train with an iron bar.]''
:'''Rogue''': I don't like getting pushed in any direction. Got it?
:'''Gambit''': Point taken. Now here's mine. ''[uses his power to charge the train car with kinetic energy]'' Pull me in, or I blow this boxcar off the tracks.
:''[Rogue finally takes back the bar and pulls Gambit in.]''
:'''Rogue''': You're just crazy enough to do it.
:'''Gambit''': We do what we have to, right cherie?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Gambit''': I'm not afraid. Go ahead: absorb my thoughts. See for yourself that I mean you no harm.
:'''Rogue''': Like I want you inside my head.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Gambit's foster father''': ''[after Storm winds some crooks away]'' That chick can control the weather!
:'''Rogue''': Meet my family.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Gambit''': Rogue...
:'''Rogue''': Don't. You just did the wrong thing for the right reasons.
:'''Gambit''': So, what now?
:'''Rogue''': I'm going back with the X-Men. I don't care what you do.
:'''Gambit''': Sure, you don't.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Gambit''': You'll be fine, cherie. You've got people looking out for you.

===''Ghost of a Chance'' [4.07]===
:''[Kurt squeezes some mustard onto a hot dog. He picks up the hot dog and starts to leave, but Kitty phases in and grabs him.]''
:'''Kitty''': ''[To Kurt]'' Where is Danielle?!
:'''Kurt''': I thought the professor talked to you about that, Kitty, there is no-
:'''Kitty''': Why are you lying to me? Why is everyone lying to me?
:'''Kurt''': ''[Puts his hand on Kitty's shoulder]'' Kitty, seriously, I'm telling you the truth. I don't know any Danielle.
:'''Kitty''': ''[Realizes something]'' Wait a minute. The professor must have wiped your memories of her.
:'''Kurt''': Kitty, would you listen to yourself?
:'''Kitty''': ''[Grabs Kurt's shirt]'' Teleport me to Dark Hollow.
:'''Kurt''': I can't! That's too far.
:'''Kitty''': Well- then get me as close as you can.
:'''Kurt''': ''[Sighs, knowing he has no choice but to go with Kitty to Dark Hollow]'' Go get changed.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Kitty and Kurt arrive in Dark Hollow.]''
:'''Kurt''': ''[Looks around the town]'' ''[To Kitty]'' Whoa! This is the town of Dark Hollow?
:'''Kitty''': ''[Looks around the town]'' What happened here? ''[Hears a payphone ringing and runs to answer the call]'' Hello?
:'''Danielle''': ''[Through the phone]'' Kitty? Are you there?
:'''Kitty''': ''[On the phone]'' I'm here. Where are you?
:'''Danielle''': ''[Through the phone]'' Time is running out! Help me! Help me!
:''[The call cuts off. Kitty gasps and turns to Kurt.]''
:'''Kurt''': What are you doing?
:'''Kitty''': The phone rang. It was Danielle. She needs my help.
:'''Kurt''': Kitty- ''[Takes the phone from Kitty]'' -I'm worried about you.
:''[Kurt realizes that the phone is disconnected. Kitty fears the worst. She picks up the phonebook, flips through its pages, and finds Danielle's address.]''
:'''Kitty''': Here! Moonstar. 760 Maggie Blue Road.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Kitty and Kurt are searching for Danielle.]''
:'''Kurt''': ''[To Kitty]'' Come on, Kitty, this doesn't make any sense.
:'''Kitty''': I won't abandon my friend.
:'''Kurt''': How can she be your friend?
:'''Kitty''': I don't know, Kurt, she just is and she said time was running out.
:'''Kurt''': ''[Looks down and sees water rising from below his and Kitty's feet]'' It is for us too. This water is getting higher and higher.
:'''Kitty''': ''[Realizes something]'' That's it! The water's rising. I bet she's trapped in here.
:'''Kurt''': For two years?
:'''Kitty''': And I think I know where.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Kitty and Kurt arrive at the place where Kitty's accident happened.]''
:'''Kitty''': ''[To Kitty]'' This is where I met her. Something tells me she's somewhere down there.
:'''Kurt''': Why don't we just go get help?
:'''Kitty''': ''You'' get help. ''[Takes the flashlight from Kurt]'' I'm going down there!
:'''Kurt''': ''[Horrified]'' Kitty, no!
:''[Kitty dives into the water and phases into the ground.]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Danielle wakes up in the infirmary, with Kitty by her side.]''
:'''Kitty''': ''[To Danielle]'' Hi. Feeling better?
:'''Danielle''': Yes.
:'''Kitty''': Good, because your grandfather will be here soon.
:'''Danielle''': Kitty, thank you for believing.
:'''Kitty''': Hey, how could I not believe?
:''[Logan, Charles, and Kurt are outside the infirmary watching Kitty and Danielle talk.]''
:'''Kitty''': When you projected yourself into my mind, everything was so real. It was like- we actually became friends.
:'''Danielle''': We did.
:''[Outside the infirmary.]''
:'''Kurt''': ''[To Charles]'' But- how did she survive down there?
:'''Charles''': It was her mutant abilities. They put her into a form of hibernation.
:'''Logan''': ''[To Charles]'' And she connected with Kitty through, what, some kind of out-of-body experience?
:'''Charles''': Exactly, Logan. A psychic connection that made for a most unusual friendship.

===''Ascension - Part 1'' [4.08]===
:'''Mesmero''': Apocalypse will trigger the dormant X gene in the normal population, turning most into mutants.
:'''Storm''': what do you mean &quot;most&quot;?
:'''Mesmero''': Some will not survive the wave of evolution.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Xavier and Apocalypse communicate telepathically. An amusing note is that despite sounding very different, both characters are voiced by David Kaye]''
:'''[[w:Professor X|Professor Xavier]]''': I am Charles Xavier.
:'''[[w:Apocalypse (comics)|Apocalypse]]''': I know who you are.
:'''Professor Xavier''': Then you know I've merely come to talk. To discuss what you're planning, and-
:'''Apocalypse''': I have planned nothing. I am but an instrument of destiny.
:'''Professor Xavier''': But it's a destiny of destruction.
:'''Apocalypse''': The future came to me in that craft. I have embraced it, and merged with its technology so that I may lead the evolution of the human race.
:'''Professor Xavier''': The human race does not need your help.
:'''Apocalypse''': ''[Smirks]'' Hmm, since when has mankind ever known what it needs?
:'''Professor Xavier''': You have to know that somehow, you will be stopped.
:'''Apocalypse''': What I know is... it will not be by you.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Jean, sobbing, runs out of Cerebro, with Cyclops behind her.]''
:'''Cyclops''': ''[To Jean]'' Jean&amp;ndash;
:'''Jean Grey''': He knew this would happen! '''''I''''' knew this would happen! I should have stopped him!
:'''Cyclops''': How? Jean, the professor was gonna do what he thought was right, regardless of the risks. And Storm would never abandon him. ''[Puts his hand on Jean's shoulder]'' There was nothing you could have done.
:''[Cyclops and Jean embrace as the latter continues sobbing.]''

===''Ascension - Part 2'' [4.09]===
:'''[[w:Wolverine (comics)|Wolverine]]''': Okay, teams, this is it. Everything you've ever learned about yourselves. Your strengths and your limits It all comes down to this very moment. Tonight we're the world's last, best hope to stop this madman. So we're gonna trash those pyramids any way we can, no matter who we gotta go through to do it.
:'''Jean''': ''[telepathically]'' Professor, listen to me. Apocalypse has somehow taken control of you. He's making you go against everything you ever believed in, everything you devoted your life to. You will be destroying millions of lives.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:''[After the Brotherhood manages to bury Magneto under debris.]''
:'''[[w:Toad (comics)|Toad]]''': Did we win?
:'''[[w:Quicksilver (comics)|Quicksilver]]''': Yeah, right, Don't you ever learn?
:'''Toad''': Oh, yeah. We never win.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Jean''': Sorry, Professor, but I have to do this. Linking with Cerebro will help me even the odds.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''[[w:Rogue (comics)|Rogue]]''': Where'd it go? 
:'''Wolverine''': I don't know. Hopefully it just fell through the cracks of time, never to be seen again. 
:'''Rogue''': For some reason, I don't think we'll be that lucky.
:''[About Apocalypse, after he disappears]''
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''[[w:Nightcrawler (comics)|Nightcrawler]]''': You did it, Rogue. The girl who shut herself off from the world just saved it.
:'''Rogue''': I wish I could say I did it for the world.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Jean''': Professor.
:'''Charles''': Thank you, Jean.
:''[Looks sad, knowing [[w:The Dark Phoenix Saga|what she will become]] in the near future]''
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:''[In the aftermath of the victory over Apocalypse.]''
:'''[[w:Professor X|Professor Xavier]]''': Thanks to you all, we have averted catastrophe. It was not without its price, however. But steel is forged through fire, and like it, we have been made stronger. We are prepared for what the future brings. I know this, because I have glimpsed it in the mind of Apocalypse. 
:''[image of protesters near Capitol Hill]''
:'''Charles''': Many challenges still await us, but I saw some who have been our enemies become friends. 
:''[image of Magneto training the New Mutants]'' 
:'''Charles''': And, with a heavy heart, I saw the dearest of friends become the most terrible of enemies. 
:''[image of Jean being fully taken over by [[w:Phoenix Force (comics)|the Dark Phoenix]] as it caws]''
:I saw my X-Men grow and change. ''[image of X-Men as adults]''And, of course, I saw that some people never change. ''[Image of Brotherhood as adults, then of Sentinels]''
:'''Charles''': ''But one thing was clear &amp;ndash; that no matter what awaits us, terrible or wondrous, the X-Men will always be there, ready. And of that, I am proud.''

== See also ==
* [[X-Men]]
* [[Wolverine and the X-Men]]
* [[Astonishing X-Men]]
* [[Ultimate X-Men]]
* [[Uncanny X-Men]]
* [[Misc X-titles and Limited Series]]

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}

[[Category:2000s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated action TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated science fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated superhero TV shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:The WB animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Kids' WB shows]]
[[Category:Marvel Comics]]
[[Category:Television programs based on comics]]
[[Category:X-Men]]</text>
      <sha1>gccxqvcb7c7qmnpt07mghjgxqd9jvpd</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>JumpStart Adventures 3rd Grade: Mystery Mountain</title>
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'''''[[w:JumpStart Adventures 3rd Grade: Mystery Mountain|JumpStart Adventures 3rd Grade: Mystery Mountain]]''''' is a computer game created by Knowledge Adventure.

== Dialogue ==
:'''Sign-In Bot''': Well! Hello! We've been waiting for you. Please sign in. We've got a busy day ahead. If you're new to this school, please use the keyboard to enter your name. If you're already enrolled, select a name by clicking on it. If you don't see your name, use the arrows to scroll up or down the list. When you're finished, click on the 'Enter' button.
:''[If the player clicks on the monitor on the top right screen]''
:'''Sign-In Bot''': If you see your name on the list and want to continue your game, please click on it. If you do not see your name, or you want to start another game, please enter a name using your keyboard.
:''[If the player types his/her name and clicks on the enter button]''
:'''Sign-In Bot''': Please enter, and have a seat. Sit up straight. No slouching in this classroom. Is that gum in your mouth? Sorry, my mistake.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:''[The player moves the cursor to the TransQuizzer on a table. The player then clicks it to pick it up. Suddenly, the lights dim, and the objects in the classroom start moving around by themselves, a few seconds later, a robot crashes through the window of the classroom. He grunts as he gets up]''
:'''Botley''': If Professor Sparks have meant for me to fly, he'd have given me wings. But what could I do? This mission is too important. ''[he notices the player and jumps in surprise, he then smiles]'' You startled me. I didn't think anyone would be here. Hey you've got that uh, the, the uh TransQuizzer. Now be careful with that thing. Don't drop it! The future of the world may depend on that little machine in your hands. That is if I'm not too late. There's just so little time and so much to do.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Botley''': This morning, Polly's father -- He left for another one of his famous inventor's conventions, and he programmed me to keep an eye on Polly. I'm supposed to keep her out of trouble. With Polly, that's always tough, but today, it was impossible! After coming home from school and madder than I've ever seen her, Polly locked herself in her father's secret chamber. Now, I really shouldn't tell you this cause I've been programmed for secrecy. But this being a world emergency and all, well... The professor has an honest-to-goodness time machine up there, and it really works! Not only that, but Polly sent 25 of the other androids back in time! The whole world is changing, and the changes have Polly written all over them. Cars don't exist anymore, and now everyone has to travel by pogo stick. An orangutan has just been elected President of the United States in a landslide! And the Statue of Liberty is now the Statue of Licorice!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Botley''': Phew! Sorry about the landing. I wasn't programmed to fly. Well, this is it. Home sweet home. Polly should be inside. Um, as I was saying, this is the Professor's Mountain. Polly should be inside, and I just bet she's watching us now.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:''[The TV screen goes up and Polly's monitor turns on.]''
:'''Polly''': Oh, Snotley, you're back! I've been looking for you.
:'''Botley''': My name is Botley.
:'''Polly''': I can see you've brought help, and you've got the TransQuizzer!
:'''Botley''': ''[aside, to the player]'' She knows we need it to save the world.
:'''Polly''': Didn't my father teach you it's rude to tell secrets, Rotley? Well, I suppose he's told you his side of everything, but what does he know? Today when I was at school, the teacher handed us a surprise quiz. I already knew all the answers, and she knew I knew them. So just to have some fun, I made up my own answers to that dumb old quiz. But instead of laughing like she was supposed to, she gave me a big, fat zero! I felt faint and short of breath! No one's ever given me a zero before!
:'''Botley''': Well, that's not quite true, Polly. I remember just two weeks ago.
:'''Polly''': Be quiet, Plotley, this is ''my'' story! Anyway, after getting my first zero ''ever'', I got the most brillant idea! Instead of settling for a bad grade, I changed history to match my answers.
:'''Botley''': So you sent 25 of your father's robots back in time to change history?! How could you ''do'' that, Polly?!
:'''Polly''': Oh, that was the ''easy'' part, since Daddy just invented that &quot;Handy Dandy Time Machine&quot; upstairs. Everyone should have one. I just marched those robots into the machine, pushed a few buttons, and voila! Unfortunately, there's still one more question, the extra credit question, and it's super hard! That's why I've been looking for ''you'', Notley.
:'''Botley''': That's ''Botley''! And I want nothin' to do with your plan, Polly, just bring those robots back! Don't you see? You could destroy us all!
:'''Polly''': ''[mockingly]'' ''You could destroy us all!'' ''[normal]'' P-lease, Spotley, if you're so scared, why don't you just bring them back yourself? You've got my TransQuizzer; now all you need are the questions on my history quiz. To make it so easy even you can figure it out, I'll leave the disc with the first part of the test on the first floor. That's 5 questions total. Just plug that disc into the TransQuizzer, then figuring out where I sent the robots should be simple. But I'm warning you: if I don't get 'em all back soon, I'm sending you off to do the extra-credit question. Oh, and by the way, you have to get in the house first, and I changed the locks. Good luck! ''[Polly's monitor turns off and the TV screen goes down.]''
:'''Botley''': ''[to the player]'' Oh, that's just great! How are we gonna get into the mountain?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Miss Winkle''': Now, today quiz is all about inventions and discoveries. Something you should know plenty about Polly. ''[gasps]'' But no fair asking your father for help. ''[laughs]''
:'''Botley''': See? Everyone's impressed by the professor.
:'''Miss Winkle''': There are 25 questions total, Polly. 5 on each of the 5 disks I passed out to you and the rest of the class. So sit up straight, put on your thinking cap, and select your first question.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:''[The TV screen goes down and Polly's monitor turns on.]''
:'''Botley''': Polly, you know I've been programmed to clean up your messes, and that includes bringing back my robot pals. I know you won't tell ''me'' where they are! But how about a little hint?
:'''Polly''': Well, it just so happens, Sotley, that I realized long ago that you try to mess up your work. So I covered my tracks by hiding clues all over the mountain. ''Four clues total''. You and your friend will have to find and collect them all, and even if you can find them all, which I highly doubt you can, you will still have to go to daddy's time machine and figure out where I sent the robot, if you expect to beat ''me''. Oh, by the way, you know how daddy feels about amateurs going into the time machine room, it's a very sensitive piece of equipment, you know. So, before a hunk of rusty bolts like you can get inside, you'll have to earn a bunch of invention points. A thousand of them should just about ''do'' ''it'' for starters.
:'''Botley''': Well, Polly, okay. It looks like we have no choice to play by your rules as unfair as they are. Just tell us what we need to find for this mission.
:''[The TV screen static sound]''
:'''Polly''': Relax, Cutley, it won't be so bad. I sent Russian robot, Cosmo-Bot to put me in the center of the universe. You can get him back if you find these four clues. A pig, a sundial, a postage stamp, and a dollar bill. But, one messed up the good thing.
:''[Polly's monitor turns off and the TV screen goes up.]''
:'''Botley''': Cosmo-Bot and I never used to get along, but now were pals. I can't believe Polly reprogrammed him for a selfish purposes. We have to find those clues and get Cosmo-Bot back. Finding the clues should be a little less hopeless with my powerful sensoring device. Professor Spark cooked ''me'' up this way so I could better keep an eye on Polly. I can monitor every nook and cranny of the mountain. '''SHH...!''' I'm gonna try to sense this area out for clues. ''[sensoring device blinking]'' Hey, we're in luck! I'm sensing a mission clue in the Painting Gallery. There's another mission clue in the Professor's virtual collection. That's in the art gallery!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Botley''': Hey, Bothoven!
:'''Bothoven''': Huh? Hello? Who's there? Oh, Botley, it's just you. You should have called my name instead of just scuffling around out there.
:'''Botley''': Uh, sure. Okay, listen, Polly's up to no good again, and we're trying to stop her. We're having trouble with this lock. Can you help us?
:'''Bothoven''': Huh? Speak up! Don't mumble.
:'''Botley''': ''CAN - YOU - HELP - US?!''
:'''Bothoven''': Now, Botley, If I just gave you the answers, Polly would reboot me in a heart beat. But if you're really having trouble figuring out one of the words, click on the button next to it and I'll see what I can do. Good Luck!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Maestro''': Music has such civilized instruments, although her voice... let's just say it's not music to my ear.
:'''Polly''': I heard that, Maestro! You just don't appreciate my instruments. ''[sings Wagner's &quot;Die Walkure&quot; out of tune]''
:'''Maestro''': Well, Polly! You do have... quality.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Botley''': Huh? I'm not picking up a mission clue by from the biosphere! You still want to go exploring?
:'''Polly''': Poor little Gutley, no mission clue inside! Boo-hoo-hoo! If it makes you feel any better, I have hidden some invention points here. So why don't you look for them!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Botley''': Don't forget! You said you give us some hints once we get inside the biosphere.
:'''Polly''': Didn't I say I would? Now get out of here before I change my mind!
:'''Botley''': &quot;Moment of truth&quot; time. Click on the &quot;launch&quot; button if you want to launch an Explorer.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Polly''': There's a time limit on this question. You have one hundred million years starting...now!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Monty Monitor''': Welcome to a special edition of Pollywood Squares! What's so special about it? Well, in addition to sending you back in time to rescue Flip, the high-diving robot, we're also giving away a new car! Just kidding.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Botley''': Ran out of time! Click on the microscope to try again.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Botley''': Great work! We freed some invention points! Put them in the inventory and let's get out of here!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Polly''': I didn't hide any clues in the collection. But if your friend really wants to browse through daddy's art, there's some invention points to make it worth their time. Just figure out which of his great works I hid them in.
:'''Botley''': Give us a hint, Polly.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Botley''': Here we are at the Painting Gallery! Any sign of Polly?
:'''Polly''': I know art, and I know what I like! So you better paint exactly where I tell you to paint if you want to earn some extra invention points. You think you can manage this?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Botley''': They say music cues the savage beast. Let's hope it works on Polly.
:''[The TV screen goes down and Polly's monitor turns on.]''
:'''Polly''': I'm no savage beast, but I am a savage kid. So if you want some more Invention Points, you'll have to play this piece of music. ''[the piano top door opens and the music tablet goes up]'' Make sure nothing's off key, please!
:''[Polly's monitor turns off and the TV screen goes up.]''
:'''Botley''': Click on the music tablet to play that tune.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Botley''': Hey, you should be playing Carnegie Hall! I mean it, and we've won more Invention Points! Put them in your inventory, then let's move on!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Botley''': If we don't start a mission, pronto, Polly's gonna win! My suggestion is to leave the gallery, go back to the first floor, and start a mission.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Botley''': Think of each one of those glowing buttons as representing, a poor lost and scared robot. We can't go back to an old mission when there's so much at stake!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Ms. Winkle''': What was the first breakfast cereal made from?
:'''Polly''': The first cold cereal, Miss Winkle, was made with ice cream to keep it cold. For flavor, they added cold water salmon. On top of that, they added the ''pièce de résistance''; frozen worms! The worms gave the salmon something to eat. Mmm, mmm, mmm!
:'''Ms. Winkle''': That's exactly right, Polly! Oh, I still remember that original breakfast cereal; salmon and frozen worms. Hmm, some things you just never outgrow. I must confess, though, that my very favorite cereal is crunched octopus oats with jellyfish bits. Mmm, makes me hungry just thinking about it!
:'''Botley''': GROSS! Look what Polly's cooked up now! If we don't do something fast, kids all over the world will be pouring milk all over bowls filled with cold fish and worms. No one will eat breakfast anymore, and breakfast is the most important meal of the day.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Botley''': My sensors indicate that Polly hasn't left any mission clues on this floor. I suggest we go check out another floor.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Botley''': Oh, I'm sorry, but I'm not getting any clue leadings here. Let's check out another floor!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Botley''': Nuts! No mission clues here. Let's try another floor!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Botley''': Uh-oh! I'm picking up vibrations to tell me that Polly has launched another one of the mission clues into space.
:'''Polly''': So you and your friend really like the thrill of adventuring to the brink of nothing this.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Polly''': Egbert likes to play ping-pong with the eggs laid by this specimen.
:'''Egbert''': What? Harm my babies' babies? Perish the thought!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Botley''': Don't forget Polly's hint! Which specimen is used to make ping-pong balls?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Botley''': Nope, nothing here! We need to look on the other floors.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Botley''': Huh, I'm not getting any leading on this floor! Let's check out another floor.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Botley''': Out of luck! There are no mission clues here! Let's try another floor.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Botley''': What a drag! This floor is clueless! Let's go search somewhere else.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Botley''': No clues on this floor! Let's go search the lower floors.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Botley''': Nope! Out of Luck! We should search for clues on the other floors.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Botley''': Polly didn't hide a mission clue here, but the professor's spaceship is missing! Maybe she launched it with some spare invention points.
:'''Polly''': Get ready for a fun pack thrill ride to the bottomless pits!
:'''Botley''': So Polly, where'd you send it?
:'''Polly''': Just for you, a little hint! Let's see if your fast enough to save it!
:'''Botley''': When will she stop? Why if I was her father? Hmm! Just click on the telescope and I'll help you save the world.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Botley''': There's no mission clue here, and notice the missing spaceship? I wouldn't be surprise if Polly launched it with some spare invention points.
:'''Polly''': I hope you and your buddy would drive the void because that's where you headed!
:'''Botley''': Come on Polly! Give us an idea where to look.
:'''Polly''': I guess it's time for another space odyssey, Cotley, and here's your clue!
:'''Botley''': I think you know what to do! Click on the telescope and we'll get started!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Botley''': Well, since there's no mission clue to be found here, we can always try to track down the missing spaceship, to see if maybe Polly launched some invention points.
:'''Polly''': So you and your friend really liked the thrill adventuring to the brink of nothing this!
:'''Botley''': Give us a fighting chance, Polly! Where did you send it?
:'''Polly''': Here's a hint! Just don't waste time sitting there looking stupid or you'll never be able to retrieve it!
:'''Botley''': I have no idea what's in stored for us this time, but we have no choice! Click on the telescope.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Botley''': Hey! We're back at the maze, and look, there's another box down there! Should we investigate to see if Polly left a mission clue here?
:''[The TV screen goes down and Polly's monitor turns on.]''
:'''Polly''': Sorry, Botley, that box doesn't have one of your precious mission clues. Just a few invention points I had lying around at my room. I've got loads of invention points because I'm so smart. But maybe you and your friend should just leave while the leaving's good.
:''[Polly's monitor turns off and the TV screen goes up.]''
:'''Botley''': Good thing I'm programmed to put up with her, otherwise it just might explode! Huh? But we have to ignore her. Just program the robot so he makes it safely to the box.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Botley''': We've already completed that mission! Select one of the glowing buttons to head out on a new one.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Ms. Winkle''': What was the world's first chewing gum made from?
:'''Polly''': I'd love it if the whole world popped super glue into their mouths and started to chew. I'd be the only one left at the top. Everyone would have to listen to me.
:'''Ms. Winkle''': Oh, yes, Polly, that's exactly right! The world's first chewing gum...was made with super glue.
:'''Botley''': Oh, great, that's ''all'' the world needs; everyone's mouth glued shut ''except'' for Polly's. If it were the other way around, I'd be tempted to leave her be, but, as it is, eardrums around the globe are depending on us.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Botley''': Nope. Not there! I guess we'll have to go back to the shrinking machine and try again. Click anywhere.
:[Screen fades in after Black, and Botley shrinks back to normal size.]
:'''Botley''': Huh! That was sure we've find the clue in that one. Let's go back over Polly's hint.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Ms. Winkle''': What was the outside of the world's first sausage made of?
:'''Polly''': Daddy's mother put everything she make on her own sausages. They were so undifferences. Daddy's mother they tasted like their old socks. So I guess that sausages were made with... Old Socks!
:'''Ms. Winkle''': I'm sorry, Polly. Sausages was being made for centuries before socks was invented. Sausages was being made for the intestines of animals.
:'''Botley''': Ah, been here done that! Pick a mission we haven't completed.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Polly''': Ha! There's no mission clue in here, Potley! But Mort looks hungry, and you look stupid! I bet if you feed Mort, he'll give you some invention points he need.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Polly''': Listen, there's no mission clue in here, Botley! But why don't you make yourself useful and feed Mort. He's got some invention points, and we all know that you need some of those.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Polly''': Too bad, there's no mission clue in here, Notley! But give Mort what he wants to eat and he'll tip you generously with Invention Points!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Polly''': That's right! It's time once again to paint Polly a picture!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Botley''': My sensors are not picking up any signals from the mission clue in the biosphere! You sure we should stay here?
:'''Polly''': Hey, Rustley, not so fast! There's no mission clue here! But we all know you can use more invention points. So I've hidden them where... well, that's for you to find out.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Botley''': You promise you'll give us a few hints when we get inside?
:'''Polly''': Oh, Botley, stop sniffling, of course, I will!
:'''Botley''': What do you say? Should we launch an explorer? Just click on the launch button.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Botley''': I'm not detecting a hidden mission clue anywhere near here! Maybe we should we go hunting somewhere else.
:'''Polly''': No, Botley, you took all the fun away from your friend! There's no mission clue, but there are some invention points I've hidden. You just have to figure out where!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Botley''': But the deal still you'll give us hints when we get inside?
:'''Polly''': Relax! Would I let you down?!
:'''Botley''': If you want to launch an explorer and enter the biosphere. Click on the launch button.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Ms. Winkle''': What makes milk safe to drink?
:'''Polly''': To make things safe to eat, you often to have heat them. You wash your hands with hot water before eating, right? So, just before milking, the farmer heats the cow gently. That way, the milk that comes out of them is safe to drink.
:'''Ms. Winkle''': Polly, you silly billy. Why heat the whole cow when you can simply heat the milk? Louis Pasteur discovered a way to kill germs through pasteurization, and in the process made milk and other foods safe for human consumption.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Polly''': So, Rotley, you think you've foiled my plan by rescuing all those robots? Well, my test score may be zero now, but there's still that extra credit question, and Ms. Winkle says that extra credit questions always more than make up for the rest of the test. This extra credit question involves the origins of the universe. Now, we all know she's expecting me to discuss the Big Bang, but I'd rather discuss the Big Bot. Yeah, that's right, I think the universe started with a robot named Botley!
:'''Botley''': Me?! But I thought there was... I don't know... mutual respect developing between us!
:'''Polly''': Save me the schmaltz, Blotley. Daddy programmed you to obey me. So I order you to march on over to the handy-dandy Time Machine and set those dials to way, way back -- to the beginning of the universe.
:'''Botley''': But, Polly, the beginning of the universe would mean the end of me!
:''[Cut to the Professor's chamber]''
:'''Botley''': You can't mean that!
:'''Polly''': You should never have tried to stop me, Plodley. I mean, I didn't deserve that big fat 'F' on my test. No! I really had no choice but to send those robots back to change history so I could get the 'A' I so richly deserved -- the 'A' Ms. Winkle refused to give me! :''[At this point, Professor Spark enters the room and glares at Polly]'' I know my father said I was never ever under any circumstances to play with his time machine. But I know in my heart that if he were here right now, he'd say &quot;Polly, Ms. Winkle robbed you! Now go out there and change the history of the world you brave, brilliant, beautiful little girl!&quot;
:'''Professor Spark''': Ahem.
:'''Polly''': Uh-oh! ''[she turns around and smiles nervously at her father]''
:'''Botley''': Professor Spark! Oh, it's so good to see you!
:'''Professor Spark''': Hello, Botley. Hello... Polly.
:'''Polly''': So how was the annual Time-Warp Inventor's Convention, Daddy? As fun as usual?
:'''Professor Spark''': Yes, it was very informative. Very informative indeed. Funny how you think you know a thing or two about history, and then all of a sudden, it changes on you.
:'''Polly''': But, Daddy, I-I-I can explain!
:'''Professor Spark''': I'm waiting.
:'''Polly''': Um... umm... Botley made me do it! He must have a faulty chip or something. I tried to stop him, but he was out of control! Oh, Daddy, I'm so glad you're home!
:'''Professor Spark''': Nice try, Polly, but I think Ms. Winkle might tell a different tale.
:'''Polly''': Oh, Daddy, Ms. Winkle just doesn't understand. I thought she did, but she doesn't.
:'''Professor Spark''': Fortunately, Polly, she understands enough to let you retake that quiz, right now.
:''[Ms. Winkle appears on another monitor.]''
:'''Ms. Winkle''': Hello, Polly. I'm so glad to give you this opportunity. Of course, because you took the test once, I can't give you the same questions. So I've made up another test, just for you. I hope you've been brushing up on your Latin!
:'''Polly''': Latin? Latin?! Oh, but Daddy!
:''[Cut to the Robot Roost]''
:'''Botley''': Good old Professor Spark. Nothing gets by him.
:'''Polly''': You just wait till next time, Snotley!
:''[Polly's monitor turns off and the screen goes up.]''
:'''Botley''': Okay! Now that all the Robots are home safe, feel free to stay and explore the mountain all you want. But don't count Polly out just yet. She could still show up at anytime.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Botley''': Alright! Things are going well. That area way back at me is all the Professor's time travelling robots are stored.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Polly''': Let's see, Plotley, if ''you'' can figure out which work of art I'm thinking about, I'll give you some Invention Points.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Polly''': Can't get enough, huh?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Botley''': Okay, Polly, we're ready for another round!
:'''Polly''': Nothing left for a prize but some more Invention Points. Just play this little ditty! Make sure nothing's off key, please! ''[the piano top door opens and the music tablet goes up and Polly's monitor turns off and the screen goes up.]''
:'''Botley''': Click on the music tablet to play that tune. Click on the music tablet to play that tune.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Botley''': So, you still wanna go exploring in the Biosphere? Maybe Polly can make it worth our time.
:'''Polly''': Sure, Crotley, just figure out where I hid the Invention Points and they're all yours.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Polly''': Can't get enough, can ''you'', Snotley? Well here's a hint if you're looking for more Invention Points.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Botley''': I gotta say ''this is one of my favorite rooms in this place''.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Botley''': Back at the Robot Obstacle Course!
:'''Polly''': And the only thing for you are a few Invention Points down there. Think you can handle that? Okay! Just count to ten, then concentrate on programming that robot.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Ms. Winkle''': How's this for a throne? The world's first flushing toilet was invented 400 years ago for Queen Elizabeth the first of England. Elizabeth like the invention, but not the inventor. They had a fight and he was banished from the kingdom. Talk about a royal flush. The first toilets were invented long before Queen Elizabeth sat on her throne. How did the world's first toilets flush?
:'''Polly''': Well, Ms. Winkle, early toilets had no place to send waste, so the inventor decided to just obliterate the whole mess. You pushed a button and it exploded. Clean, simple, and sanitary.
:'''Ms. Winkle''':  A ''visually'' interesting response, Polly. But no, the first toilets ''didn't'' explode, they were built near the seashore on the island of Crete. When the tides came in, nature did the flushing automatically.

== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}
* [http://www.jumpstart.com/jumpstartmoms/articles/top-10-inspirational-quotes-for-mom ''JumpStart'' quotes]</text>
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      <text bytes="82098" sha1="jq4w7xjzbxv2x7i0e0k1oop1768n46n" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Henry_A_Kissinger_(cropped).jpg|thumb|Having once planned to write a book on Bismarck's diplomacy and, indeed, having finished half of it, I could think of few policies more likely to lead to catastrophe in present circumstances.]]
'''[[w:Henry Kissinger|Henry Alfred Kissinger]]''' (born '''Heinz Alfred Kissinger'''; [[May 27]], [[1923]] – [[November 29]], [[2023]]) was a German-American politician, [[w:diplomat|diplomat]], and [[w:Geopolitics|geopolitical]] [[w:consultant|consultant]] who served as [[w:United States Secretary of State|United States Secretary of State]] and [[w:National Security Advisor (United States)|National Security Advisor]] under the presidential administrations of [[Richard Nixon]] and [[Gerald Ford]]. He was a [[w:Jewish refugees|Jewish refugee]] who fled [[w:Nazi Germany|Nazi Germany]] with his family in 1938. For his actions negotiating a ceasefire in [[Vietnam]], Kissinger received the 1973 [[w:Nobel Peace Prize|Nobel Peace Prize]] under controversial circumstances, with two members of the committee resigning in protest. 

A practitioner of ''[[w:Realpolitik|Realpolitik]]'', Kissinger played a prominent role in [[w:United States foreign policy|United States foreign policy]] between 1969 and 1977. During this period, he pioneered the policy of [[w:détente|détente]] with the [[Soviet Union]], orchestrated the opening of [[w:China–United States relations|relations]] with China, engaged in what became known as [[w:shuttle diplomacy|shuttle diplomacy]] in the Middle East to end the [[w:Yom Kippur War|Yom Kippur War]], and negotiated the [[w:Paris Peace Accords|Paris Peace Accords]], ending [[w:United States in the Vietnam War|American involvement]] in the [[Vietnam War]].

== Quotes ==
[[File:Henry_Kissinger.png|thumb|right|Covert [[action]] should not be confused with missionary work.]]
[[File:Kissinger Mao.jpg|thumb|right|Blessed are the [[people]] whose leaders can look [[destiny]] in the eye without flinching but also without attempting to play [[God]].]]
[[File:Kissinger speaking during Ford's funeral.jpg|thumb|Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation.]]

===1950s===
* It is a mistake to assume that [[diplomacy]] can always settle international disputes if there is &quot;good faith&quot; and &quot;willingness to come to an agreement&quot;. For in a revolutionary international order, each power will seem to its opponents to lack precisely these qualities. [...] In the absence of an agreement on what constitutes a reasonable demand, diplomatic conferences are occupied with sterile repetitions of basic positions and accusations of bad faith, or allegations of &quot;unreasonableness&quot; and &quot;subversion&quot;. They become elaborate stage plays which attempt to attach as yet uncommitted powers to one of the opposing systems.
** ''A World Restored: Metternich, Castlereagh and the Problems of Peace, 1812-22'' (1957), p. 2

* '''[T]he most fundamental problem of [[politics]], which is not the control of [[wickedness]] but the limitation of [[righteousness]].'''
** ''A World Restored: Metternich, Castlereagh and the Problems of Peace, 1812-22'' (1957), p. 206
*** ''Paraphrased variant:'' The most fundamental problem of politics is not the control of wickedness but the limitation of righteousness.
*** Quoted by Walter Isaacson, &quot;[http://time.com/3275385/henry-kissinger/ Henry Kissinger Reminds Us Why Realism Matters]&quot;, ''Time'', 4 September 2014

* In some respects the [[intellectual]] has never been more in demand; that he makes such a relatively small contribution is not because he is rejected but because his function is misunderstood. He is sought after enthusiastically but for the wrong reasons and in pursuit of the wrong purposes.... All too often what the policymaker wants from the intellectual is not ideas but endorsement.
** ''The Policymaker and the Intellectual,'' ''Reporter'' (March 5, 1959), 30, 33.

===1960s===
* I...was a little puzzled by your suggestion that we should return to a diplomacy like [[Otto von Bismarck|Bismarck]]'s. Having once planned to write a book on Bismarck's diplomacy and, indeed, having finished half of it, I could think of few policies more likely to lead to catastrophe in present circumstances.
** LOC, G-13, HAK to [[w:Michael Howard (historian)|Michael Howard]] (July 31, 1961).

* [T]hat it is unable to relate man to the forces outside himself whose makings he sees but whose motives he can grasp only by analogy. [[Conservatism|Conservatives]] have always insisted that the balance between these two sides aspects of human conduct is derived from a sense of reverence, a recognition of forces transcending man and WHICH IS THE REVERSE SIDE OF A RECOGNITION of the limitations of the individual apprehension of reality. The great rebels have denied this and insisted on finding in their own demoniac nature a sufficient motive for commitment. To the conservative the bond of society is a myth which reconciles the point of view which treats man as a means and his experience of himself by an analogy superior to analytical truth.
** Ibid., Folder 5, The Contingency of Legitimacy

* Thus, the more Bismarck preached his doctrine the more humanly remote he grew; the more rigorous he was in applying his lessons the more incomprehensible he became to his contemporaries. Nor was it strange that the conservatives gradually came to see in him the voice of the devil. For the devil is a fallen angel using the categories of piety to destroy it. And however brilliant Bismarck’s analysis, societies are incapable of the courage of cynicism. The insistence on men as [[Atom|atoms]], on [[Society|societies]] as forces has always led to a tour de force evading ERODING all self-restraint. Because societies operate by approximations and because they are incapable of fine distinctions, a doctrine of power as a means may end up by making power an end. And for this reason, although Bismarck had the better of the intellectual argument, it may well be that the conservatives embodied the greater social truth.
** Ibid., Folder 5, The Contingency of Legitimacy

* '''The frequently voiced view that we should conduct our diplomacy so as to bring about a rift between [[China|Communist China]] and the [[Soviet Union|USSR]].'''

* If Communist China agrees to renounce the use of force in the formosa strait, we could consider opening up channels of non-official contact... journalists, students, tourists, etc.
** LOC, Position Papers (April 11, 1962)

* '''The [[Klemens von Metternich|Metternich]] system had been inspired by the eighteenth century notion of the universe as a great clockwork: Its parts were intricately intermeshed, and a disturbance of one upset the equilibrium of the others. Bismarck represented a new age.''' [[Equilibrium]] was seen not as [[harmony]] and mechanical balance, but as a statistical [[w:Balance of power|balance of forces]] in flux. Its appropriate philosophy was [[Charles Darwin|Darwin]]'s concept of the [[w:Survival of the fittest|survival of the fittest]]. Bismarck marked the change from the [[Rationalism|rationalist]] to the [[Empiricism|empiricist]] conception of politics.... Bismarck declared the [[relativity]] of all beliefs; he translated them into forces to be evaluated in terms of the power they could generate.
** Ibid., 909, 919.

* What has come to be called the balance of terror may seem less frightful to fanatics leading a country with a population of 600 millions. Even a war directed explicitly against centers of population may seem to it tolerable and perhaps the best means of dominating the world. [[Zhou Enlai|Chou En-lai]] is reported to have told a [[Yugoslavia|Yugoslav]] diplomat that an all-out [[nuclear war]] would leave 10 million Americans, 20 million [[Russians]], and 350 million [[Chinese people|Chinese]].
** NFC, 253. (the missing passages to the Chinese edition)

* Where eminence must be reached by endless struggle, leaders may collapse at the top, drained of [[creativity]], or they may be inclined to use in high office the methods by which they reached it. When political leaders are characterized primarily by their quest for power, when they decide to seek office first and search for issues later, then their technique to maintain power is necessarily short-range and manipulative.
** &quot;Et Caesar, Et Nullus&quot;, ''Reporter'' (June 1, 1967), 51f.

* '''We fought a military war; our opponents fought a political one.''' We sought physical attrition; our opponents aimed for our psychological exhaustion. In the process we lost sight of one of the cardinal maxims of guerrilla war: the guerrilla wins if he does not lose. The conventional army loses if it does not win. The [[w:North Vietnam|North Vietnamese]] used their armed forces the way a bull-fighter uses his cape — to keep us lunging in areas of marginal political importance.
** &quot;The Vietnam Negotiations&quot;, ''Foreign Affairs'', Vol. 48, No. 2 (January 1969), p. 214; also quoted as &quot;A conventional army loses if it does not win. The guerilla army wins if he does not lose.&quot;

* There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
** As quoted in ''The New York Times Magazine'' (June 1, 1969)

===1970s===
* I don't see why we need to stand by and watch a country go [[Communism|communist]] due to the irresponsibility of its own people. The issues are much too important for the [[Chile|Chilean]] voters to be left to decide for themselves.
** Meeting of the &quot;40 Committee&quot; on covert action in Chile (June 27, 1970) quoted in ''The CIA and the Cult of Intelligence'' (1974); the quotation was censored prior to publication due to legal action by the government. See ''The New York Times'' (September 11, 1974) &quot;Censored Matter in Book About C.I.A. Said to Have Related Chile Activities; Damage Feared&quot; by Seymour Hersh
** {{cite book | last=Omi | first=M. | last2=Winant | first2=H. | title=Racial Formation in the United States | publisher=Taylor &amp; Francis | year=2014 | isbn=978-1-135-12751-0 | url=https://books.google.com/books?id=T7LcAwAAQBAJ&amp;pg=PA239 | ref=harv | access-date=November 2, 2018}}

* [Nixon] wants a massive bombing campaign in [[Cambodia]]. He doesn't want to hear anything about it. It's an order, to be done. Anything that flies on anything that moves.
**Phone call with Gen. [[Alexander Haig]] (December 9, 1970) quoted in National Security Archive Electronic Briefing Book No. 123. The quotation was an excerpt from one of several phone conversations in which Kissinger ridiculed Nixon's views about the war. According to ''The Washington Post'': &quot;When Nixon proposed an escalation in the bombing of Cambodia, Kissinger and Haig felt obliged to humor the president while laughing at him behind his back&quot; [https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/haig-said-nixon-joked-of-nuking-hill-transcripts-of-phone-talks-are-released-by-archives/2012/06/04/gJQAz6STIV_story.html &quot;Haig Said Nixon Joked of Nuking Hill: Transcripts of Phone Talks Are Released by Archives&quot;] ''The Washington Post'' (May 27, 2004). Transcript at the [http://nsarchive.gwu.edu/NSAEBB/NSAEBB123/Box%2029,%20File%202,%20Kissinger%20%96%20Haig,%20Dec%209,%201970%208,50%20pm%20106-10.pdf National Security Archive]

* '''[[Intellectual|Intellectuals]] are [[Cynicism|cynical]] and cynics have never built a cathedral.'''
** As quoted in ''Sketchbook 1966-1971'' (1971) by Max Frisch, p. 230

*[[Power]] is the great aphrodisiac.
** ''The New York Times'' (January 19, 1971). See Michael C. Thomsett and Jean Freestone Thomsett [https://books.google.com.br/books?id=yxOBCgAAQBAJ&amp;pg=PA107 ''War and Conflict Quotations: A Worldwide Dictionary of Pronouncements from Military Leaders, Politicians, Philosophers, Writers and Others''] Jefferson, NC &amp; London: McFarland, 2008.
** Variant: &quot;Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac&quot;, quoted in ''The New York Times'' (October 28, 1973)

* '''It is barely conceivable that there are people who like war.'''
** Transcript of telephone conversation with the poet and antiwar activist [[Allen Ginsberg]] from the [http://www.gwu.edu/~nsarchiv/NSAEBB/NSAEBB263/19710423-1950-Ginsberg-FIX.pdf National Security Archive] (April 23, 1971)

* [Referring to the people of [[India]]] They are superb flatterers, Mr. President. They are masters at flattery. They are masters at subtle flattery. That’s how they survived 600 years. They suck up — their great skill is to suck up to people in key positions. (June 17, 1971)
* I tell you, the [[Pakistan|Pakistanis]] are fine people, but they are primitive in their mental structure. [...] They just don't have the subtlety of the Indians. (August 10, 1971)
** In conversation with Richard Nixon. Quoted in [[w:Gary J. Bass|Gary J. Bass]] [https://www.nytimes.com/2020/09/03/opinion/nixon-racism-india.html &quot;The Terrible Cost of Presidential Racism&quot;] ''The New York Times'' (September 3, 2020)
** The comments were from newly declassified [[w:Nixon White House tapes|Nixon White House tapes]].

* '''I've always acted alone. Americans like that immensely.'''&lt;br /&gt;Americans like the cowboy who leads the wagon train by riding ahead alone on his horse, the cowboy who rides all alone into the town, the village, with his horse and nothing else. Maybe even without a pistol, since he doesn't shoot. He acts, that's all, by being in the right place at the right time. In short, a Western. … '''This amazing, romantic character suits me precisely because to be alone has always been part of my style or, if you like, my technique.'''
** Interview with [[Oriana Fallaci]] (November 1972), as quoted in [http://www.vanityfair.com/politics/features/2006/12/hitchens200612 &quot;Oriana Fallaci and the Art of the Interview&quot; in ''Vanity Fair'' (December 2006)]; Kissinger, as quoted in [http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,916877,00.html &quot;Special Section: Chagrined Cowboy&quot; in ''Time'' magazine (October 8, 1979)] called this &quot;without doubt the single most disastrous conversation I ever had with any member of the press&quot; and claimed that he had probably been misquoted or quoted out of context, but Fallaci later produced the tapes of the interview.

[[File:Operation Castle - Romeo 001.jpg|thumb|The accumulation of nuclear arms has to be constrained if mankind is not to destroy itself.]]
* '''The accumulation of [[Nuclear weapons|nuclear arms]] has to be constrained if mankind is not to destroy itself.'''
** Press conference held on (February 13, 1974)

*If we do not get a recognition of our interdependence, the Western civilization that we now have is almost certain to disintegrate. (October 1974)
*Adapted from Niall Ferguson, ''THE SQUARE AND THE TOWER: Networks and Power, from Freemasons to Facebook'', Penguin Press, 2017. As quoted in Niall Ferguson, ''[https://www.politico.com/magazine/story/2018/01/20/henry-kissinger-networking-216482/ The Secret to Henry Kissinger's success]'' (January 20, 2018)

* I think of myself as a [[historian]] more than as a [[Statesmanship|statesman]]. As a historian, you have to be conscious of the fact that every [[civilization]] that has ever existed has ultimately collapsed. History is a tale of efforts that failed, of aspirations that weren't realized, of wishes that were fulfilled and then turned out to be different from what one expected. So, as a historian, one has to live with a sense of the inevitability of tragedy. As a statesman, one has to act on the assumption that problems must be solved.
** As quoted in an [https://www.nytimes.com/1974/10/13/archives/partial-transcript-of-an-interview-with-kissinger-on-the-state-of.html interview with ''The New York Times'' (October 13, 1974)]

* I think that any attempt at domination in a nuclear age is going to involve risks that are catastrophic and would not be tolerated. If we remain strong enough to prevent the imposition of [[Communism|Communist]] hegemony, then I believe that transformations of the Communist societies are inevitable. I believe that the imposition of the kind of state control that communism demands is totally incompatible with the requirements of human organization at this moment. The pressure of this realization on Communist systems is going to bring about a transformation apart from any conscious policy the United States pursues, so long as there is not a constant foreign danger that can be invoked to impose regimentation. What inherent reason is there that keeps the Communist societies in [[East/Central Europe|Eastern Europe]] from achieving the standard of living of those of [[w:Western Europe|Western Europe]]? The resources are about the same, the industrial organization is there. I think the reason is inherent in the type of society that has been created, and that I believe must inevitably change.
** As quoted in an [https://www.nytimes.com/1974/10/13/archives/partial-transcript-of-an-interview-with-kissinger-on-the-state-of.html interview with the ''New York Times'' (13 October 1974)]

* '''Wherever a lessening of population pressures through reduced birth rates can increase the prospects for such stability, population policy becomes relevant to resource supplies and to the economic interests of the United States.''' 
**National Security Study Memorandum 200. Adapted as policy by President [[Gerald Ford]] originally classified. [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/National_Security_Study_Memorandum_200]

* If it were not for the accident of my birth, I would be anti-Semitic.
** As quoted in [https://books.google.ie/books?id=rDqcp3WtoqoC&amp;printsec=frontcover&amp;dq=Kissinger:+A+Biography&amp;hl=en&amp;sa=X&amp;ved=2ahUKEwjSjtacxa3uAhXRRhUIHTKoAtAQ6AEwAHoECAAQAg ''Kissinger: A Biography''] by {{w|Walter Isaacson}}

* Any people [Jews] who have been persecuted for two thousand years must be doing something wrong.
** As quoted in [https://books.google.ie/books?id=rDqcp3WtoqoC&amp;printsec=frontcover&amp;dq=Kissinger:+A+Biography&amp;hl=en&amp;sa=X&amp;ved=2ahUKEwjSjtacxa3uAhXRRhUIHTKoAtAQ6AEwAHoECAAQAg ''Kissinger: A Biography''] by {{w|Walter Isaacson}}

* '''The illegal we do immediately. The [[unconstitutional]] takes a little longer.'''
** As quoted in ''The Washington Post'' (December 23, 1973); he later joked further on this remark, on 10 March 1975 saying to Turkish Foreign Minister [[w:Melih Esenbel|Melih Esenbel]] in Ankara, Turkey:
::: Before the [[w:Freedom of Information Act|Freedom of Information Act]], I used to say at meetings &quot;The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a little longer.&quot; … But since the Freedom of Information Act, I'm afraid to say things like that.
:::* As quoted in [http://nsarchive.wordpress.com/2012/03/15/document-friday-kissinger-says-the-illegal-we-do-immediately-the-unconstitutional-takes-a-little-longer-but-since-the-foia-im-afraid-to-say-things-like-that/ &quot;Sunshine Week Document Friday! Kissinger Says, “The illegal we do immediately; the unconstitutional takes a little longer. But since the FOIA, I’m afraid to say things like that.” in ''Unredacted : The National Security Archive, unedited and uncensored'']
:::* Included in [http://wikileaks.org/plusd/cables/P860114-1573_MC_b.html#efmCS3CUB Cable P860114-1573_MC_b] Wikileaks

* How many people did ([[w:Khmer Rouge|Khmer Rouge]] Foreign Minister [[w:Ieng Sary|Ieng Sary]]) kill? ... Tens of thousands?
* You should tell the Cambodians (i.e., Khmer Rouge) that we will be friends with them. They are murderous thugs, but we won't let that stand in the way. We are prepared to improve relations with them. Tell them the latter part, but don’t tell them what I said before.
** [https://nsarchive2.gwu.edu/NSAEBB/NSAEBB193/HAK-11-26-75.pdf meeting with Thai foreign minister] National Security Archive (November 26, 1975), p. 3, 8 

* In the 1950s and 1960s we put several thousand [[nuclear weapons]] into [[Europe]]. To be sure, we had no precise idea of what to do with them.
** Statement of 1973, as quoted in ''Canadian and World Politics'' (2005) by John Ruypers, Marion Austin, Patrick Carter, and Terry G. Murphy

* The [[w:Emigration of Jews from the Soviet Union|emigration of Jews from the Soviet Union]] is not an objective of [[Foreign policy of the United States|American foreign policy]]. And if they put Jews into gas chambers in the Soviet Union, it is not an American concern. Maybe a humanitarian concern.
** Statement of 1973, as quoted in [http://www.nytimes.com/2010/12/11/us/politics/11nixon.html &quot;In Tapes, Nixon Rails About Jews and Blacks&quot; in ''The New York Times'' (10 December 2010)].
* '''Covert action should not be confused with missionary work.'''
** To the House Intelligence Committee in 1975 on his abandonment of the Kurds
* The absence of alternatives clears the mind marvelously.
** As quoted in [http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,915860,00.html &quot;Special Section: They Are Fated to Succeed&quot; in ''Time'' magazine (2 January 1978)]

* '''Ever since the secret trip to China, my own relationship with [[Richard Nixon|Nixon]] had grown complicated.''' Until then I had been an essentially anonymous White House assistant. But now his associates were unhappy, and not without reason, that some journalists were giving me perhaps excessive credit for the more appealing aspects of our foreign policy while blaming Nixon for the unpopular moves. &lt;br&gt; These tendencies were given impetus by an interview I granted to the Italian journalist [[Oriana Fallaci]], without doubt the single most disastrous conversation I ever had with any member of the press. I saw her briefly on Nov. 2 and 4, 1972, in my office. I did so largely out of vanity. She had interviewed leading personalities all over the world. '''Fame was sufficiently novel for me to be flattered by the company I would be keeping. I had not bothered to read her writings; her evisceration of other victims was thus unknown to me.'''
** As quoted in [http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,916877,00.html &quot;Special Section: Chagrined Cowboy&quot; in ''Time'' magazine (8 October 1979)]

* '''The superpowers often behave like two heavily armed blind men feeling their way around a room, each believing himself in mortal peril from the other, whom he assumes to have perfect vision.''' Each side should know that frequently uncertainty, compromise, and incoherence are the essence of policymaking. Yet each tends to ascribe to the other a consistency, foresight, and coherence that its own experience belies. '''Of course, over time, even two armed blind men can do enormous damage to each other, not to speak of the room.'''
** ''The White House Years'' (1979)

* [[w:Nelson Rockefeller|Nelson Rockefeller]], I am certain, would have made a great [[President of the United States|President]]. He possessed in abundance the qualities of courage and vision that are the touchstones of [[leadership]]. But at the moments when his goal might have been realized, in 1960 and again in 1968, he uncharacteristically hesitated. In the service of his beliefs he could be cold-blooded and ruthless; he was incredibly persistent. Yet there was in him a profound ambivalence.
** ''The White House Years'' (1979)

* In contemporary America, power increasingly gravitates to those with an almost obsessive desire to win it. Whoever does not devote himself monomaniacally to the nominating process, whoever is afraid of it or disdains it, will always be pursuing a mirage, however remarkable his other qualifications. With candidates for the highest office, as with athletes, everything depends upon timing, upon an intuitive ability to seize the opportunity.
** ''The White House Years'' (1979)

*As Kissinger complained to the president, “We are the ones who have been operating against our public opinion, against our [[bureaucracy]], at the very edge of legality.”
**FRUS: Documents on South Asia, 1969–1972, vol. E-7 (online at http://history.state.gov/historicaldocuments/frus1969-76ve07), White House tapes, Oval Office 637-3, 12 December 1971, 8:45–9:42 a.m. Hereafter cited as FRUS, vol. E-7.  quoted in     Bass, G. J. (2014). The Blood telegram: Nixon, Kissinger, and a forgotten genocide.

*We are the ones who have been operating against our public opinion, against our bureaucracy, at the very edge of legality.
**Kissinger to Nixon, quoted in Bass, G. J. (2014). The Blood telegram: Nixon, Kissinger, and a forgotten genocide.

*If the President had his way, we’d have a [[nuclear war]] every week.
**    Henry Kissinger on Nixon, as quoted in Bass, G. J. (2014). The Blood telegram: Nixon, Kissinger, and a forgotten genocide. chapter 19

*The security of [[Israel]] is a moral imperative for all free peoples.
** See ''[https://books.google.com.br/books?id=wcx4AAAAMAAJ For the Record: Selected Statements 1977-1980]'', Weidenfeld and Nicolson, 1981.

===1980s===
* '''Blessed are the people whose [[Leadership|leaders]] can look [[destiny]] in the eye without flinching but also without attempting to play [[God]].'''
** ''The End of the Road'' (1982), Ch. 25 &quot;Years of Upheaval&quot;

* If you believe that their real intention is to kill you, it isn't unreasonable to believe that they would lie to you.
** Observation made privately, quoted by ''Time'' journalist Michael Kramer, [http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,956604,00.html The Case for Skepticism] ''Time,'' (26 December 1988), in the context of doubts about PLO sincerity in hinting about recognition of Israel.

* '''Ninety percent of the [[politicians]] give the other ten percent a bad reputation.'''
** As quoted in ''The Other 637 Best Things Anybody Ever Said'' (1984) by Robert Byrne

===1990s===
*I was working for [[John F. Kennedy|Kennedy]] in those days, and [&lt;nowiki/&gt;[[Harry S. Truman|Truman]]] said what I had learned from Kennedy, and I said, &quot;I've learned that the [[President of the United States|president]] can't do everything he wants because the [[bureaucracy]] is the fourth branch of government.&quot; ... He said, &quot;The trouble with Kennedy is he has too many opinions. A president has to know what he wants to do.&quot;
**  &quot;Oral History Interviews With Dr. Henry Kissinger&quot;, ''Harry S. Truman National Historic Site'', May 7, 1992

* A country that demands moral perfection in its foreign policy will achieve neither perfection nor security.
** &quot;Reflections on Containment&quot;, ''Foreign Affairs'', Vol. 73, No. 3 (June 1994), p. 130

* [[Empire|Empires]] have no interest in operating within an international system; they aspire to ''be'' the international system. Empires have no need for a balance of power. That is how the United States has conducted its foreign policy in the [[Americas]], and [[China]] through most of its history in [[Asia]].
** [https://books.google.com/books?id=VPHQMG3Ue1wC&amp;pg=PA21 ''Diplomacy''] (1994), p. 21

* The study of [[history]] offers no manual of instructions that can be applied automatically; history teaches by analogy, shedding light on the likely consequences of comparable situations.
** ''Diplomacy'' (1994)

* [T]he bargaining position of the victor always diminishes with time. Whatever is not exacted during the shock of defeat becomes increasingly difficult to attain later — a lesson America had to learn with respect to [[Iraq]] at the end of the [[Gulf War|1991 Gulf War]].
** ''Diplomacy'' (1994)

* For centuries, the Middle Kingdom had assured its security by playing off distant [[Barbarian|barbarians]] against immediate neighbors. Deeply worried about [[Soviet Union|Soviet]] expansionism, [[Mao Zedong|Mao]] adopted the same strategy in his opening to the United States.
** ''Diplomacy'' (1994)

* For nearly twenty years, Bismarck preserved the peace and eased international tension with his moderation and flexibility. But he paid the price of misunderstood greatness, for his successors and would-be imitators could draw no better lesson from his example than multiplying arms and waging a war which would cause the suicide of European civilization.
** ''Diplomacy'' (1994)

* Richard Milhous Nixon had inherited near-civil war conditions. Deeply suspicious of the [[The Establishment|Establishment]], and in return mistrusted by many of its representatives, he nevertheless held fast to the conviction that the world's leading democracy could neither abdicate its responsibilities nor resign from its destiny. Few presidents have been as complex as Nixon: shy, yet determined; insecure, yet resolute; distrustful of intellectuals, yet privately deeply reflective; occasionally impetuous in his pronouncements, yet patient and farsighted in his strategic design, Nixon found himself in the position of having to guide America through the transition from dominance to leadership.
** ''Diplomacy'' (1994)

* Since the time America entered the arena of [[International relations|world politics]] in 1917, it has been so preponderant in strength and so convinced of the rightness of its ideals that this century's major international agreements have been embodiments of American values — from the [[League of Nations]] and the [[w:Kellogg-Briand Pact|Kellogg-Briand Pact]] to the [[w:United Nations Charter|United Nations Charter]] and the [[w:Helsinki Final Act|Helsinki Final Act]]. The collapse of Soviet communism marked the intellectual vindication of American ideals and, ironically, brought America face to face with the kind of world it had been seeking to escape throughout its history. In the emerging international order, [[nationalism]] has gained a new lease on life. [[Nations]] have pursued self-interest more frequently than high-minded principle, and have competed more than they have cooperated. There is little evidence to suggest that this age-old mode of behavior has changed, or that it is likely to change in the decades ahead.
** ''Diplomacy'' (1994)

* [[Mikhail Gorbachev|Gorbachev]] knew what his problems were but he acted both too fast and too slowly: too fast for the tolerance of his system, and too slowly to arrest the accelerating collapse.
** ''Diplomacy'' (1994)

* In my dual role of National Security Adviser and Secretary of State, my constant nightmare as [[Watergate]] accelerated was that, sooner or later, some foreign adversary might be tempted to test what remained of Nixon's authority and discover that the emperor had no clothes. Probably the greatest service rendered by the Nixon Administration in those strange and turbulent final months was to have prevented any such overt challenge. For even as it approached dissolution, the Nixon Administration managed to navigate the [[w:Yom_Kippur_War|Arab-Israeli War of 1973]], diminish the Soviet position in the Middle East by sponsoring two disengagement agreements, and conduct successfully a complicated triangular diplomacy with Moscow and Beijing.
** ''Years of Renewal'' (1999)

* As the [[w:Impeachment process against Richard Nixon|impeachment proceedings]] gathered momentum, Nixon's personal conduct began to mirror his political decline. He kept fully abreast of the various foreign policy issues and at no point failed to make the key decisions. But, as time went on, Watergate absorbed more and more of Nixon's intellectual and emotional capital. As day-to-day business became trivialized by the increasingly apparent inevitability of his downfall, I felt enormous sympathy for this tormented man whose suffering was compounded by his knowledge that his tragedy was largely self-inflicted. Yet by early July 1974, I, like the other few survivors of Nixon's entourage, was so drained by the emotional roller coaster that I was half hoping for some merciful end to it all.
** ''Years of Renewal'' (1999)

* Nixon was one of the most gifted of American Presidents, prepared to make tough decisions and courageous in doing so. But he needed solitude for such an act. Face-to-face, Nixon was obsessively incapable of overruling an interlocutor or even disagreeing with him.
** ''Years of Renewal'' (1999)

* The Nixon Administration had systematically sought to change the context of the [[Cold War]]. This was not because we had become blind to Soviet ideology; rather we had concluded that the Soviets' ideological reach was collapsing. In two generations of Communist history, no Communist Party had ever won a free [[Elections|election]]. The only allies of the Soviet Union were in Eastern Europe, and they were being held in line by what amounted to Soviet military occupation. Once our opening to China was completed, the Soviet Union faced a coalition of all the industrial nations in the world in tacit alliance with the most populous nation. Sooner or later this equation would work in favor of the [[Democracy|democracies]], provided they could contain Soviet adventures by deterrence and give the Soviets a chance to reduce confrontation by opportunities for cooperation.
** ''Years of Renewal'' (1999)

===2000s===
* The domestic divisions that grew out of [[Vietnam War|Vietnam]] were generally treated in the public discourse as a clash between those who were &quot;for&quot; the war and those who were &quot;against&quot; it. That, however, was not the fundamental issue. Every administration in office during the Vietnam war sought to end it - nearly desperately. The daunting and heartrending question was how to define this goal.
**''Ending the Vietnam War: A History of America's Involvement in and Extrication from the Vietnam War'' (2003)

* Nixon feared for our alliances if America abdicated in Indochina; he was concerned about the impact on Soviet restraint if the United States simply abandoned what four administrations had affirmed, and he believed that a demonstration of American weakness in Asia would destroy the opening to China based in part on America's role in thwarting Soviet moves toward hegemony in Asia. But as he entered office, he found that by the end of the [[Lyndon B. Johnson|Johnson]] administration, the goal of victory had been abandoned and a commitment had been made to end the [[w:Operation_Rolling_Thunder|bombing of North Vietnam]] and to seek a negotiated compromise solution. These objectives had been affirmed by both candidates in the presidential campaign. No significant American political or intellectual leader opposed them. When a negotiated solution proved unattainable, Nixon proceeded unilaterally to implement his concept of an honorable withdrawal.
**''Ending the Vietnam War: A History of America's Involvement in and Extrication from the Vietnam War'' (2003)

* I was intellectually convinced that Hanoi would settle only if deprived of all hope of victory by a determined military strategy. But I was emotionally close to many of the more moderate of the protesters who had been my contemporaries at university; therefore I was also the principal advocate in the administration for negotiations for a political solution to give the people of Indochina a genuine opportunity to choose this future. It turned out to be a rough ride, rougher by far than I imagined when I started on the task. Since then, the categories of our national debate on Vietnam have remained largely unchanged, compounded with the passage of time by an amnesia that suppresses events but remembers encrusted hatreds. A balanced judgment on Vietnam continues to elude us - and therefore the ability to draw lessons from a national tragedy which America inflicted on itself. 
**''Ending the Vietnam War: A History of America's Involvement in and Extrication from the Vietnam War'' (2003)

* Every [[civilization]] that has ever existed has ultimately collapsed... History is a tale of efforts that failed, of aspirations that weren’t realized.... So, as a historian, one has to live with a sense of the inevitability of tragedy.
** Cited in [http://wol.jw.org/en/wol/d/r1/lp-e/2004241?q=durant&amp;p=par &quot;Identifying the Wild Beast and Its Mark&quot;], in ''[[w:The Watchtower|The Watchtower]]'' (1 March 2004)

* If [[w:Tehran|Tehran]] insists on combining the [[Iran|Persian]] imperial tradition with contemporary [[Islam|Islamic]] fervor, then a collision with America — and, indeed, with its negotiating partners of the Six — is unavoidable. Iran simply cannot be permitted to fulfill a dream of imperial rule in a region of such importance to the rest of the world.
** [http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/07/30/AR2006073000546.html &quot;The Next Steps With Iran&quot; in ''The Washington Post'' (31 July 2006), p. A15]

* If you mean by &quot;military victory&quot; an Iraqi government that can be established and whose writ runs across the whole country, that gets the civil war under control and sectarian violence under control in a time period that the political processes of the democracies will support, I don't believe that is possible.
** Commenting on the [[w:Iraq War|Iraq War]] in a BBC interview of 19 November 2006, as quoted in [http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20061120/ap_on_re_mi_ea/britain_iraq_kissinger &quot;Kissinger: Iraq military win impossible&quot; by Tariq Panja, Associated Press, at ''Yahoo! News'' (20 November 2006)]

* The great contribution of President Ford was that he managed to strike a balance between the American temptation toward perfectionism and the absolute, and the temptation to abandon everything because one cannot have the perfect and the absolute. He brought about an approach that I believe is essential to the conduct of a continuing foreign policy that works toward the maximum one can achieve but does not go beyond what the American people can sustain or what the international community can comprehend.
** [https://www.newsweek.com/henry-kissinger-98517 &quot;He Moved With Calm&quot; in ''Newsweek'' (7 January 2007)]

*The issue before us is whether the [[21st century]] belongs to China. And I would say that China will be preoccupied with enormous problems internally, domestically with its immediate environment, and that I have enormous difficulty imagining it will be dominated by China, and indeed, as I will conclude, I believe that the concept that some country will dominate the world, is in itself a misunderstanding of the world in which we now live...In the geopolitical situation, China historically has been surrounded by a group of smaller countries, which themselves were not individually able to threaten China, but which united, could cause a threat to China, and therefore historically, Chinese foreign policy can be described as &quot;barbarian management&quot;. So China had never had to deal in a world of countries of approximately equal strength, and so to adjust to such a world, is in itself a profound challenge to China, which now has 14 countries on its borders, some of which are small, but can project their nationality into China, some of which are large, and historically significant, so that any attempt by Chinese to dominate the world, would evoke a counter-reaction that would be disastrous for the peace of the world.
**[http://www.livestream.com/munkdebates/video?clipId=pla_937b4cf4-e0ea-4ed5-a458-6a3ba43769b8 Munk debates – “21st Century will belong to China” – Kissinger, Zakaria, Ferguson, Li]

===2010s===
[[File:Vladimir Putin with Henry Kissinger.jpg|thumb|Ukraine has always had a special significance for Russia. It was a mistake not to realize that.... Ukraine was part of Russia for a long time. You can’t accept the principle that any country can just change the borders and take a province of another country. ]]
* [[American exceptionalism]] is missionary. It holds that the United States has an obligation to spread its values to every part of the world. China's exceptionalism is cultural. China does not proselytize; it does not claim that its contemporary institutions are relevant outside China. But it is the heir of the Middle Kingdom tradition, which formally graded all other states as various levels of tributaries based on their approximation to Chinese cultural and political forms; in other words, a kind of cultural [[Universalism|universality]].
** ''[[w:On China|On China]]'' (2011)

* Facts are rarely self-explanatory; their significance, analysis, and interpretation—at least in the foreign policy world—depend on context and relevance.
** ''World Order: Reflections on the Character of Nations and the Course of History'' (2014)

* Rarely has a diplomatic document so missed its objective as the [[w:Treaty of Versailles|Treaty of Versailles]]. Too punitive for conciliation, too lenient to keep [[Germany]] from recovering, the Treaty of Versailles condemned the exhausted democracies to constant vigilance against an irreconcilable and revanchist Germany as well as a revolutionary Soviet Union.
** ''World Order: Reflections on the Character of Nations and the Course of History'' (2014)

*Far too often the [[Russo-Ukrainian War|Ukrainian issue]] is posed as a showdown: whether [[Ukraine]] joins the East or the West. But if Ukraine is to survive and thrive, it must not be either side’s outpost against the other — it should function as a bridge between them. [[Russia]] must accept that to try to force Ukraine into a satellite status, and thereby move Russia’s borders again, would doom Moscow to repeat its history of self-fulfilling cycles of reciprocal pressures with Europe and the United States. The West must understand that, to Russia, Ukraine can never be just a foreign country. Russian history began in what was called Kievan-Rus. The Russian religion spread from there. Ukraine has been part of Russia for centuries, and their histories were intertwined before then.
**[https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/henry-kissinger-to-settle-the-ukraine-crisis-start-at-the-end/2014/03/05/46dad868-a496-11e3-8466-d34c451760b9_story.html &quot;To settle the Ukraine crisis, start at the end&quot;], ''Washington Post'', March 5, 2014.

*In recent decades, Europe has retreated to the conduct of soft power. But besieged as it is on almost all frontiers by upheavals and migration, Europe, including [[United Kingdom|Britain]], can avoid turning into a victim of circumstance only by assuming a more active role.
**[https://www.wsj.com/articles/out-of-the-brexit-turmoil-opportunity-1467151419 &quot;Out of the Brexit Turmoil: Opportunity&quot;], ''Wall Street Journal'', June 28, 2016.

* Here, according to the mythology of the [[Liberalism|liberals]], was a peaceful little country that Nixon attacked. The fact that there were four North Vietnamese divisions within 30 miles of Saigon coming across the border killing Americans—killing 500 a week starting within two weeks of Nixon’s inauguration—was ignored in the debate on Cambodia by protesters emphasizing the technical neutrality of Cambodia and ignoring that its ruler had invited our response.
** On bombing Cambodia during the Vietnam war. From an interview with the Atlantic magazine [https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2016/12/the-lessons-of-henry-kissinger/505868/ The Lessons of Henry Kissinger (10 November 2016), ''The Atlantic'']

*For 400 years, world history was made by Europeans. Many of the great ideas by which we live — [[Constitutional democracy|constitutional government]], [[Individual liberty|freedom of the individual]], the ideas of the [[Age of Enlightenment|Enlightenment]] — originated in Europe and were spread by Europe around the world. Now this region, which was dynamic and built the world, has become too preoccupied with itself. It confines itself basically to the exercise of soft power. At present, no European government has the capacity to ask its people for sacrifices on behalf of foreign policy. Unless Europe can recover some of its historic dynamism, there will be a big hole in the world system as it has until now manifested itself.
**As quoted in [https://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2016/11/kissinger-order-and-chaos/506876/ &quot;World Chaos and World Order: Conversations With Henry Kissinger&quot;], ''The Atlantic'', November 10, 2016

*Few countries in history have started more wars or caused more turmoil than Russia in its eternal quest for security and status. It is also true, however, that at critical junctures Russia has saved the world’s equilibrium from forces that sought to overwhelm it: from the Mongols in the 16th century, from [[Sweden]] in the 18th century, from [[Napoleon Bonaparte|Napoleon]] in the 19th century, and from [[Adolf Hitler|Hitler]] in the 20th century. In the contemporary period, Russia will be important in overcoming [[radical Islam]], partly because it is home to some 20 million [[Muslim|Muslims]], particularly in the [[w:Caucasus|Caucasus]] and along Russia’s southern border. Russia will also be a factor in the equilibrium of Asia.
**As quoted in [https://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2016/11/kissinger-order-and-chaos/506876/ &quot;World Chaos and World Order: Conversations With Henry Kissinger&quot;], ''The Atlantic'', November 10, 2016

*Both countries [the United States and China] consider themselves exceptional. The United States believes that our exceptionalism entitles us to educate others because if they adopt our principles, the world will be more peaceful. The Chinese do not strive for conversion. In their view, if you do not belong to Chinese culture, you can never become fully Chinese. Thus, they feel America has no moral right to intervene in their domestic affairs. Their analogy to conversion is that the majesty of their performance will so awe other societies that they will follow enough of the Chinese pattern to become cultural and political tributaries.
**As quoted in [https://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2016/11/kissinger-order-and-chaos/506876/ &quot;World Chaos and World Order: Conversations With Henry Kissinger&quot;], ''The Atlantic'', November 10, 2016

*An [[understanding]] between Washington and Beijing is the essential prerequisite for the denuclearization of Korea. By an ironic evolution, China at this point may have an even greater interest than the U.S. in forestalling the nuclearization of Asia. Beijing runs the risk of deteriorating relations with America if it gets blamed for insufficient pressure on [[Pyongyang]]. Since denuclearization requires sustained [[cooperation]], it cannot be achieved by economic pressure. It requires a corollary [[China–United States relations|U.S.-Chinese understanding]] on the aftermath, specifically about North Korea’s political evolution and deployment restraints on its territory. 
**[https://www.henryakissinger.com/articles/how-to-resolve-the-north-korea-crisis/ How to Resolve the North Korea Crisis, by Henry A. Kissinger,] ''The Wall Street Journal'', August 11, 2017

===2020s===

*The world’s [[Democracy|democracies]] need to defend and sustain their Enlightenment [[values]]. A global [[run away|retreat]] from balancing [[power]] with [[legitimacy]] will cause the social contract to disintegrate both domestically and internationally.
**[https://www.henryakissinger.com/articles/the-coronavirus-pandemic-will-forever-alter-the-world-order/ The Coronavirus Pandemic Will Forever Alter the World Order, by Henry A. Kissinger, ''The Wall Street Journal''],  April 3, 2020

*[[George Shultz|George]] left us at a moment when our national [[Argument|arguments]] are too often vindicated by [[passion]] rather than [[reason]], by the debasement of the adversary rather than the uplifting of purposes. He also believed that if you were blessed with great gifts, you had a [[responsibility]] to apply yourself, and if you cared about your country, you had a duty to defend and improve it. He was skilled in presenting his convictions, but above all practiced the art of making [[controversy]] superfluous by encouraging mutual respect. [[Trust]], George used to say, is the coin of the realm.
**[https://www.henryakissinger.com/articles/george-shultz-had-a-wise-and-discerning-heart/ George Shultz Had a Wise and Discerning Heart, by Henry A. Kissinger, ''The Wall Street Journal''], February 10, 2021

*[[Negotiations]] need to begin in the next two months ... before it creates upheavals and tensions that will not be easily overcome.  Ideally, the dividing line should be a return to the [[w:status quo ante|status quo ante]]. Pursuing the [[war]] beyond that point would turn it into a war not be about the freedom of [[Ukraine]] ... but a new war against [[Russia]] itself. ... Parties should be brought to [[w:peace talks|peace talks]] within the next two months. Ukraine should've been a bridge between [[Europe]] and Russia, but now, as the relationships are reshaped, we may enter a space where the dividing line is redrawn and Russia is entirely isolated. ... We are facing a situation now where Russia could alienate itself completely from Europe and seek a permanent alliance elsewhere. This may lead to Cold War-like diplomatic distances, which will set us back decades. We should strive for long-term [[peace]]... 
**[https://www.express.co.uk/news/world/1614983/zelensky-putin-negotiations-kissinger-ukraine-war-davos Henry Kissinger calls on Zelensky to show 'wisdom' and negotiate with Putin for peace, by Pip Cook, ''Daily Express''] (UK) May 24, 2022

* If [[Vladimir Putin|Putin]] uses the atomic bomb, [[Russia]] will be destroyed.
** [https://www.breakinglatest.news/world/henry-kissingers-warning-if-putin-uses-the-atomic-bomb-russia-will-be-destroyed/ ''Henry Kissinger’s warning: “If Putin uses the atomic bomb, Russia will be destroyed”''], New York (USA), October 1, 2022

*It was a grave mistake to let in so many people of totally different culture and religion and concepts, because it creates a pressure group inside each country that does that.
**Interview with Axel Springer CEO [[w:Mathias Döpfner|Mathias Döpfner]] for Germany's Welt TV, quoted in '[https://www.politico.eu/article/henry-kissinger-germany-let-in-way-too-many-foreigners/ Henry Kissinger on Hamas attacks fallout: Germany let in too many foreigners]', ''Politico'' (11 October 2023)

{{disputed begin}}

== Attributed ==
&lt;small&gt;''Attributed: Quotes found in a ''reputable'' secondary source but not sourced to an original work. Read more at [[Wikiquote:Sourced and Unsourced sections]].''&lt;/small&gt;
* Nixon should be told that it is probably an objective of Clifford to depose Thieu before Nixon is inaugurated. Word should be gotten to Nixon that if Thieu meets the same fate as Diem, the word will go out to the nations of the world that '''it may be dangerous to be America's enemy, but to be America's friend is fatal'''.
** November 1968, following the election of [[Richard Nixon]] as US president
** Quoted by [[William F. Buckley]] in ''United Nations Journal: A delegate’s odyssey''. New York: Putnam, 1974. Pages 56–7.

{{disputed end}}

{{Misattributed begin}}

== Misattributed ==
* The reason that university politics is so vicious is that the stakes are so small.
**This remark was first attributed to Kissinger, among others, in the 1970s. ''The Quote Verifier'' (2006) attributes it to political scientist Paul Sayre, but notes earlier similar remarks by Woodrow Wilson. Clyde J. Wingfield referred to it as a familiar joke in ''The American University'' (1970)
** Unattributed variants:
** Somebody once said that one of the reasons academic infighting is so vicious is that the stakes are so small. There's so little at stake and they are so nasty about it.
*** ''The Craft of Crime : Conversations with Crime Writers'' (1983) by John C. Carr
** The reason that academic politics is so vicious is that the stakes are so small.
*** Mentioned as an &quot;old saw&quot; in ''Teachers for Our Nation's Schools'' (1990) by John I. Goodlad

* Accept everything about yourself — I mean everything, You are you and that is the beginning and the end — no apologies, no regrets.
** [[w:Clark Moustakas|Clark Moustakas]], as quoted in ''Sacred Simplicities: Meeting the Miracles in Our Lives'' (2004) by Lori Knutson, p. 141

* Who do I call if I want to speak to Europe?
** Speaking in Warsaw in 2012, Kissinger said that he didn't think the saying originated with him, &quot;I am not sure I actually said it, but it's a good statement so why not take credit for it?&quot;&lt;ref&gt;[http://bigstory.ap.org/article/kissinger-says-calling-europe-quote-not-likely-his]&lt;/ref&gt;

* Today, America would be outraged if UN troops entered Los Angeles to restore order. Tomorrow they will be grateful! This is especially true if they were told that there was an outside threat from beyond, whether real or promulgated, that threatened our very existence. It is then that all people of the world will plead to deliver them from this evil. The one thing every man fears is the unknown. When presented with this scenario, individual rights will be willingly relinquished for the guarantee of their well-being granted to them by the world government.
** This is widely reported on many sites as coming from the [[w:Bilderberg_Conference|Bilderberg Conference]] (1991) Evians, France, purportedly recorded by a Swiss diplomat, but no such recording has ever been provided.

* Military men are &quot;dumb, stupid animals to be used&quot; as pawns for foreign policy.
** The only evidence that Kissinger ever said this was a claim in the book, ''The Final Days'', by [[Bob Woodward]] and [[Carl Bernstein]], in chapter 14 (p.194 in the 1995 paperback edition). Woodward &amp; Bernstein claimed that one of Kissinger's political foes, [[Alexander Haig]], had told someone unnamed, that he (Haig) had heard Kissinger say it. That's triple hearsay, made even weaker by the fact that one of the parties is anonymous. Kissinger has denied ever saying it, and it was never substantiated by Haig, nor by anyone of known identity who claimed to have heard it. As ''Kirkus Reviews'' noted about the whole book, &quot;none of it is substantiated in any assessable way.&quot;

* America has no permanent friends or enemies, only interests.
** There is no evidence that Kissinger said this.
** In his book ''What’s So Great About America'' (2002) [[w:Dinesh D'Souza|Dinesh D'Souza]] attributes it to Kissinger, citing p. 54-70 in Kissingers book ''The White House Years'' (1979). However, there is no such sentence in said section nor something to that effect.
** Kissinger spoke of ''no permanent enemies'', but without the ''no friends, only interests'' part: ''&quot;We have always made it clear that we have no permanent enemies and that we will judge other countries, including Communist countries, and specifically countries like Communist China, on the basis of their actions and not on the basis of their domestic ideology&quot;''. [https://history.state.gov/historicaldocuments/frus1969-76v01/d47 Link]
** It echoes an actual quote by former british Prime Minister [[w:Henry John Temple, 3rd Viscount Palmerston|Lord Palmerston]] who said in a [https://api.parliament.uk/historic-hansard/commons/1848/mar/01/treaty-of-adrianople-charges-against speech] in the House of Commons in 1848: ''Therefore I say that it is a narrow policy to suppose that this country or that is to be marked out as the eternal ally or the perpetual enemy of England. We have no eternal allies, and we have no perpetual enemies. Our interests are eternal and perpetual, and those interests it is our duty to follow''. 
** Kissinger once used Palmerston's quote to describe the foreign policy of [[w:Joseph Stalin|Joseph Stalin]]. In his Book ''Diplomacy'' (1994) he writes on page 398: ''Cooperation with Hitler had made him no more sympathetic to Nazism than his subsequent alliance with the democracies impelled him to appreciate the virtues of free institutions. He would take from each temporary partner whatever was possible through diplomacy, and seize by force whatever had not been granted to him freely — as long as he could do so without risking war. His lodestar remained the Soviet national interest as refracted through the prism of communist ideology. To paraphrase Palmerston, he had no friends, only interests.'' 

{{Misattributed end}}

== Quotes about Kissinger ==
*I believe that Henry Kissinger acted immorally in Latin America. He supported a murderer and it’s very conflicted for me that a Jew should be supporting this evilness. For me, this is not the kind of good Jew who inspires better lives for our people. I feel very conflicted about [Kissinger] having so much power, even now.
**[[Marjorie Agosín]] [https://forward.com/culture/350910/why-do-so-many-south-american-jews-write-about-oppression/ Interview] with ''[[The Forward]]'' (October 6, 2016)

*[[Richard Nixon|Nixon]] and Kissinger bear responsibility for a significant complicity in the [[1971 Bangladesh genocide|slaughter of the Bengalis]]. This overlooked episode deserves to be a defining part of their historical reputations. But although Nixon and Kissinger have hardly been neglected by history, this major incident has largely been whitewashed out of their legacy—and not by accident. Kissinger began [[lying|telling demonstrable falsehoods]] about the administration’s record just two weeks into the crisis, and has not stopped distorting since. Nixon and Kissinger, in their vigorous efforts after [[Watergate scandal|Watergate]] to rehabilitate their own respectability as [[Foreign policy of the United States|foreign policy]] wizards, have left us a farrago of [[deception|distortions, half-truths, and outright lies]] about their policy toward the Bengali atrocities...&lt;br&gt;To this day, four decades after the massacres, the dead hand of Nixonian cover-up still prevents Americans from knowing the full record. The White House staff routinely sanitized their records of conversations, sometimes at Kissinger’s specific urging. Even now, mildewed and bogus claims of national security remain in place to bleep out particularly embarrassing portions of the White House tapes. '''Kissinger struck a deal with the [[w:United States Library of Congress|Library of Congress]] that, until five years after his death, blocks researchers from seeing his papers there unless they have his written permission.''' Even if you could get in, according to the Library of Congress, many of Kissinger’s most important papers are still hidden from daylight by a thicket of high-level classifications, [[Classified information|security clearances]], and need-to-know permissions... For all the very real flaws of [[human rights]] politics, Nixon and Kissinger’s support of a [[w:Military dictatorship|military dictatorship]] engaged in mass murder is a reminder of what the world can easily look like without any concern for the pain of distant strangers.
**Bass, G. J. (2014). The Blood telegram: Nixon, Kissinger, and a forgotten genocide.

*Kissinger’s memoirs are a lengthy masterpiece of omission. Although he devotes a long chapter to glossing up his record in South Asia, he says almost nothing about the slaughter of Bengalis, while still insisting that Pakistan’s atrocities were “clearly under its domestic jurisdiction.”... He sanitizes out Nixon’s racial animus toward Indians. No book has done more to bury the memory of the Bengalis.
**  Bass, G. J. (2014). ''The Blood telegram: Nixon, Kissinger, and a forgotten genocide''. Epilogue
[[File:Medea-benjamin3.JPG|thumb|McCain could have also perused the warrant issued by French Judge Roger Le Loire to have Kissinger appear before his court. When the French served Kissinger with summons in 2001 at the Ritz Hotel in Paris, Kissinger fled the country. More indictments followed from Spain, Argentina, Uruguay — even a civil suit in Washington DC...  ~ [[Medea Benjamin]] ]]
*A very angry Senator [[John McCain]] denounced [[Code Pink|CODEPINK]] activists as “low-life scum” for holding up signs reading “Arrest Kissinger for [[War crimes|War Crimes]]” and dangling handcuffs next to Henry Kissinger’s head during a Senate hearing on January 29. McCain called the demonstration “disgraceful, outrageous and despicable,” accused the protesters of “physically intimidating” Kissinger and apologized profusely to his friend for this “deeply troubling incident.”&lt;BR&gt;But if Senator McCain was really concerned about physical intimidation, perhaps he should have conjured up the memory of the gentle Chilean singer/songwriter [[Víctor Jara|Victor Jara]]. After Kissinger facilitated the [[1973 Chilean coup d'état|September 11, 1973 coup]] against [[Salvador Allende]] that brought the ruthless [[Augusto Pinochet]] to power, Victor Jara and 5,000 others were rounded up in Chile’s National Stadium. Jara’s hands were smashed and his nails torn off; the sadistic guards then ordered him to play his guitar. Jara was later found dumped on the street, his dead body riddled with gunshot wounds and signs of torture...&lt;BR&gt;Rather than calling peaceful protesters “despicable”, perhaps Senator McCain should have used that term to describe Kissinger’s role in the brutal [[W:Indonesian invasion of East Timor|1975 Indonesian invasion of East Timor]], which took place just hours after Kissinger and President Ford visited [[Indonesia]]. They had given the [[w:Suharto|Indonesian strongman]] the US green light — and the weapons — for an invasion that led to a 25-year occupation in which over 100,000 soldiers and civilians were killed or starved to death. The [[W:Commission for Reception, Truth and Reconciliation in East Timor|UN's Commission for Reception, Truth and Reconciliation in East Timor (CAVR)]] stated that U.S. &quot;political and military support were fundamental to the Indonesian invasion and occupation&quot; of East Timor.
**[https://www.commondreams.org/views/2015/01/30/henry-kissinger-or-codepink-whos-low-life-scum Henry Kissinger or CODEPINK: Who’s the &quot;Low Life Scum&quot;?], by [[Medea Benjamin]], ''CommonDreams'', (January 30, 2015) 

*You might think that [[John McCain|McCain]], who suffered tremendously in [[Vietnam War|Vietnam]], might be more sensitive to Kissinger’s role in prolonging that war. From 1969 through 1973, it was Kissinger, along with [[Richard Nixon|President Nixon]], who oversaw the slaughter in Vietnam, [[Cambodia]] and Laos — killing perhaps one million during this period. He gave the order for the [[W:secret bombing of Cambodia|secret bombing of Cambodia]]. Kissinger is on tape saying, “[Nixon] wants a massive bombing campaign in Cambodia. He doesn't want to hear anything about it. It's an order, to be done. Anything that flies on anything that moves.” &lt;BR&gt;Senator McCain could have...[read] the meticulously researched book by the late writer [[Christopher Hitchens]], [[W:The Trial of Henry Kissinger|''The Trial of Henry Kissinger'']]. Writing as a prosecutor before an international court of law, Hitchens skewers Kissinger for ordering or sanctioning the destruction of civilian populations, the assassination of “unfriendly” politicians and the kidnapping and disappearance of soldiers, journalists and clerics who got in his way. He holds Kissinger responsible for [[war crimes]]... from the deliberate mass killings of civilian populations in Indochina, to collusion in mass murder and assassination in Bangladesh, the overthrow of the democratically elected government in [[Chile]], and the incitement and enabling of genocide in [[W:East Timor|East Timor]].&lt;BR&gt; McCain could have also perused the warrant issued by French Judge [[w:Roger Le Loire|Roger Le Loire]] to have Kissinger appear before his court. When the French served Kissinger with summons in 2001 at the Ritz Hotel in [[Paris]], Kissinger fled the country. More indictments followed from [[Spain]], [[w:Argentina|Argentina]], [[w:Uruguay|Uruguay]] — even a civil suit in [[Washington, D.C.|Washington DC]].
**[https://www.commondreams.org/views/2015/01/30/henry-kissinger-or-codepink-whos-low-life-scum Henry Kissinger or CODEPINK: Who’s the &quot;Low Life Scum&quot;?], by [[Medea Benjamin]], ''CommonDreams'', (January 30, 2015) 

* Once you’ve been to [[Cambodia]], you’ll never stop wanting to beat Henry Kissinger to death with your bare hands. You will never again be able to open a newspaper and read about that treacherous, prevaricating, murderous scumbag sitting down for a nice chat with [[w:Charlie_Rose|Charlie Rose]] or attending some black-tie affair for a new glossy magazine without choking. Witness what Henry did in Cambodia – the fruits of his genius for statesmanship – and you will never understand why he’s not sitting in the dock at The Hague next to [[Slobodan Milošević|Milošević]]. While Henry continues to nibble nori rolls &amp; ''remaki'' at A-list parties, Cambodia, the neutral nation he secretly and illegally bombed, invaded, undermined, and then threw to the dogs, is still trying to raise itself up on its one remaining leg.
** [[Anthony Bourdain]], ''A Cook's Tour: In Search of the Perfect Meal'' (2001), p. 162

*The military established a pattern during and after the Vietnam War of forcibly removing [[indigenous peoples]] from sites deemed strategic for the placement of military bases. The peoples of the Bikini Atoll in the South Pacific and [[Puerto Rico]]'s Vieques Island are perhaps the best-known examples, but there were also the Inughuit of Thule, Greenland, and the thousands of Okinawans and Indigenous peoples of [[w:Micronesia|Micronesia]]. During the harsh deportation of the Micronesians in the 1970s, the press took some notice. In response to one reporter's question, Secretary of State Henry Kissinger said of the Micronesians: &quot;There are only ninety thousand people out there. Who gives a damn?&quot; This is a statement of permissive [[Genocide of indigenous peoples|genocide]].
**[[Roxanne Dunbar-Ortiz]] ''An Indigenous Peoples' History of the United States'' (2014)

* Henry Kissinger. While many in the United States still see Nixon and Ford's former secretary of state as an elder statesman, the rest of the world sees him as a war criminal responsible for the deaths and suffering of millions in Chile, Vietnam, Laos, [[Argentina]], [[w:East_Timor|East Timor]], and Cambodia, to name a few.
** [[Amy Goodman]], ''The Exception to the Rulers: Exposing Oily Politicians, War Profiteers, and the Media That Love Them'' (2004)

*Reporter [[Nick Turse]] has revealed unreported mass killings, after examining formerly classified U.S. military documents and traveling to 12 remote Cambodian villages to interview more than 75 witnesses and survivors of the U.S. attacks. With this new piece, Nick Turse also publishes transcripts of Kissinger’s phone calls that show his key role in Cambodia, and [[Central Intelligence Agency|CIA]] records connecting Kissinger’s actions to the growth of Cambodia’s Khmer Rouge, the regime that massacred 2 million people from 1975 to 1979.
**[[Amy Goodman]] in  ''Kissinger at 100: New War Crimes Revealed in Secret Cambodia Bombing That Set Stage for Forever Wars, &quot;Democracy Now'' https://www.democracynow.org/2023/5/24/intercept_kissinger_cambodia_killing_fields,  (May 24, 2023)  

* Kissinger,  Griffel thought, had “a disdain for anyone on the subcontinent,” and had “the [[T. E. Lawrence|Lawrence of Arabia]] view of the locals. If they don’t ride horses, they’re no good.” He says, “He’s impressed by [[Pakistan Armed Forces|Pakistani men in uniform]] and he doesn’t like shopkeepers.
**Eric Griffel on Kissinger, (Library of Congress, Foreign Affairs Oral History Collection, Joseph Wheeler interview, 17 June 1998, and Robert Mark Ward interview, 27 May 1998.)  quoted in Bass, G. J. (2014). The Blood telegram: Nixon, Kissinger, and a forgotten genocide.

*In Gold’s conservative opinion, Kissinger would not be recalled in history as a Bismarck, [[Klemens von Metternich|Metternich]] or Castlereagh but as an odious schlump who made war gladly. 
**Joseph Heller, (Good as Gold, 1976), quoted in [[Christopher Hitchens]],  ''The Trial of Henry Kissinger'' (2002)

* A good liar must have a good memory: Kissinger is a stupendous liar with a remarkable memory. So perhaps some of this hysterical lying is explained by its context—by the need to enlist China’s anti-Soviet instincts. But the total of falsity is so impressive that it suggests something additional, something more like denial or delusion, or even a confession by other means.
** [[Christopher Hitchens]], ''The Trial of Henry Kissinger'' (2002), Chap. 7 : Cyprus

*  I think Henry Kissinger grew up with that odd mix of [[ego]] and [[Security|insecurity]] that comes from being the smartest kid in the class. From really knowing you're more awesomely intelligent than anybody else, but also being the guy who got beaten up for being [[Judaism|Jewish]].
**[[Walter Isaacson]], as quoted in ''The Trial of Henry Kissinger'' (2002)

* Here we begin to see the outlines of the misconceived lesson that Henry Kissinger appears to have drawn from his study of [[international relations]] in the past. Secured by his own bureaucratic devices and habits of mind from having to respond to critics or other branches of government, though he could always get his opinion or policy echoed and supported by a well-placed article or interview or [[United States Congress|congressman]], he indeed related to Richard Nixon much as did Metternich to the Emperor [[w:Emperor_Francis_II|Francis II]]. An ambitious and intelligent courtier with the ear of an absolute ruler is in a position of unique influence, especially if he carries no responsibility for domestic affairs—this much history does indeed teach us. Moreover, although the courtier runs obvious risks if he incurs the ruler’s wrath, it is the ruler himself who is truly vulnerable in a crisis. The cleverest courtiers—[[Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord|Talleyrand]] comes to mind—will survive the fall of their masters, with some quick footwork and a recasting of the historical record; and Kissinger was among the cleverest of them all.
** [[Tony Judt]], [http://www.nybooks.com/articles/1998/08/13/counsels-on-foreign-relations/ Counsels on Foreign Relations], ''The New York Review of Books'' (August 13, 1998)

* Back in 1957, Henry Kissinger—then a brilliant, iconoclastic young [[Harvard University|Harvard]] scholar, with his eventual career as cynical political manipulator and, later, as [[w:Crony_capitalism|crony capitalist]] still far in the future—published his doctoral dissertation, ''A World Restored''. One wouldn't think that a book about the diplomatic efforts of Metternich and Castlereagh is relevant to [[Politics of the United States|U.S. politics]] in the twenty-first century. But the first three pages of Kissinger's book sent chills down my spine, because they seem all too relevant to current events.&lt;br&gt;[...] It seems clear to me that one should regard [[w:conservatism in the United States|America's right-wing movement]]--which now in effect controls the administration [...] as a revolutionary power in Kissinger's sense. That is, it is a movement whose leaders do not accept the legitimacy of our current political system.
** [[Paul Krugman]], ''[[The Great Unraveling]]'' (2003), Introduction: A Revolutionary Power

*  Political [[satire]] became obsolete when Henry Kissinger was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.
** [[Tom Lehrer]], in a statement of 1973, as quoted in [http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2003/02/28/1046407753895.html ''Sydney Morning Herald'' (1 March 2003)]

*The opposition to Ford-Kissinger-the names became joined by a hyphen-was so deep in the Greek-American community that there would have been enthusiastic endorsement for whomever the Democrats nominated...The true measure of the Greek-American impact on the 1976 election was a more subtle one. Because the Kissinger policy in the eastern Mediterranean had alienated Greeks, Turks, and Cypriots all at the same time, the Cyprus issue became a test case in the fight for open government in American foreign policy. Greek Americans, that is, were the first to puncture the myth of Kissinger's infallibility, perhaps setting in motion enough erosion of the Republican position to make the difference in a close election. In Nicosia, the capital of Cyprus, Greek Cypriots danced in the streets when Carter's victory became known. They praised Greeks in America for making the victory possible.
**Peter C. Moskos, ''Greek Americans: Struggle and Success'' (2013)

*Henry Kissinger is possessed of a truly superior intelligence, in addition to which he has two qualities which, unfortunately, many great men lack: he is able to listen and he has a very subtle sense of [[Comedy|humour]].
** [[Muhammad Reza Pahlavi]], ''The Shah's Story'' (1980), p. 144

*[[Pride]] comes before a fall- although in his case it's more conceit than pride.
**[[Muhammad Reza Pahlavi]], as quoted in ''The Shah and I'' (1991),  by Asadollah Alam, p. 391&lt;!-- I. B. Tauris --&gt; 

*Twenty-nine years ago, in [[Chile]], on the '''11th of September 1973''', [[Augusto Pinochet|General Pinochet]] overthrew the democratically elected government of [[Salvador Allende]] in a [[1973 Chilean coup d'état|CIA-backed coup]]. “Chile should not be allowed to go Marxist just because its people are irresponsible,” said [[Henry Kissinger]], Nobel Peace Laureate, then the U.S. Secretary of State.
**[[Arundhati Roy]],  [https://dharma-records.buddhasasana.net/texts/arundhati-roys-speech-come-september ''Come September'' Speech, Santa Fe, NM], (29 Sep 2002)

*I happen to believe that Henry Kissinger was one of the most destructive secretaries of state in the modern history of this country. I am proud to say that Henry Kissinger is not my friend. I will not take advice from Henry Kissinger. And, in fact, Kissinger’s actions in Cambodia, when the United States bombed that country, overthrew Prince Sihanouk, created the instability for [[Pol Pot]] and the [[w:Khmer_Rouge|Khmer Rouge]] to come in, who then butchered some 3 million innocent people — one of the worst genocides in the history of the world. So, count me in as somebody who will not be listening to Henry Kissinger.
**[[Bernie Sanders]] in The 2016 U.S. Democratic presidential debate, quoted by Amy Goodman in  ''Kissinger at 100: New War Crimes Revealed in Secret Cambodia Bombing That Set Stage for Forever Wars, &quot;Democracy Now'' https://www.democracynow.org/2023/5/24/intercept_kissinger_cambodia_killing_fields,  (May 24, 2023)  

*In 2003, I did everything I could to prevent [[George W. Bush]]'s [[Iraq War|invasion of Iraq]], a war that Clinton supported. In one debate, when [[Hillary Clinton]] cited Henry Kissinger as a friend and mentor, I suggested that he was a terrible [[United States Secretary of State|secretary of state]], a war criminal, and would play no role in a Sanders administration.
**[[Bernie Sanders]], ''Where We Go from Here'' (2018) 

*Nixon and Kissinger maintained a strategy of containment; they supported anti-communist governments where they could and were largely oblivious to considerations of democracy, the rule of law and human rights. But negotiations were also initiated for a [[w:Conference_on_Security_and_Co-Operation_in_Europe|Conference on Security and Co-Operation in Europe]] (CSCE). This initiative came from west European governments but Nixon’s successor [[Gerald Ford]] supported it. The result was the Helsinki Final Act, signed in August 1975, which guaranteed fundamental freedom to all people throughout the continent. [[Jimmy Carter|President Carter]], entering office in January 1976, used the Act’s clauses to press for a slackening of the persecution of citizens in the communist states. The main advantage to the USSR was its formal acceptance by the rival superpower as a legitimate participant in the contests of global politics. The world seemed divided for decades ahead between the two contending ‘camps’ led by America and the Soviet Union. A commitment to avoid a [[World War III|third world war]] appeared to have been guaranteed.
**Robert Service, ''Comrades: A History of World Communism'' (2009) 

*Henry Kissinger, [[Zbigniew Brzezinski]], [historian] [[Richard Pipes]] and many other American politicians... are frozen... with unchanging [[blindness]] and [[stubbornness]] they keep repeating... this theory about the supposed age-old aggressiveness of [[Russia]], without taking into consideration today's [[reality]].
**[https://www.forbes.com/2008/08/05/solzhenitsyn-forbes-interview-oped-cx_pm_0804russia.html Interview] with [[Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn]], [[w:Forbes magazine|''Forbes magazine'']] (May 1994) 

* Contrary to his self-cultivated image as the ultimate realist in international affairs, the newly declassified documents of the Nixon administration show that Henry Kissinger remained much more influenced by concepts of modernization and American mission that did the president. Cynical he could be, but when push came to shove Kissinger preferred the traditional means of aid, political and economic pressure, and – in the final instance – intervention to keep Third World countries in line with US Cold War strategies. While noting, in his crucial October 1969 report to Nixon on changes in international politics since [[World War II]], that ‘‘the increased fragmentation of power, the greater diffusion of political activity, and the more complicated patterns of international conflict and alignment that have emerged over the past decade have limited the capacity of the US and the USSR to control the effects of their influence and have revealed the limits of their capacity to control the actions of other governments,’’ Kissinger ended his report by stressing the significance of America for the world: ‘‘The US exerts immense and growing influence in the world through a broad range of international activities conducted by [[Non-governmental organization|nongovernmental individuals, enterprises, and organizations]]. While the direct influence of the [[Federal government of the United States|US Government]] over its international environment has been restricted in one way or another, the scope and reach of American commercial, technical, and cultural influence has continued to expand.’’ A main problem, according to Kissinger, was that while the United States remained the model for the world, the Americans themselves were increasingly unwilling to take up the leadership role that naturally had fallen to them. 
**[[w:Odd Arne Westad|Odd Arne Westad]], ''The Global Cold War: Third World Interventions and the Making of Our Time'' (2012), pp. 196-197

*On 24 March 1976, a right-wing coup backed by the US took place in Argentina, overthrowing populist [[w:Isabel_Peron|Isabel Peron]]. The new military government stepped up [[w:Argentine_Dirty_War|Peron's war against radical workers and communists]], murdering and &quot;disappearing&quot; tens of thousands. US Secretary of State Henry Kissinger advised the junta to wipe out its opponents quickly before outcry over [[human rights]] abuses could grow.
**[https://stories.workingclasshistory.com/article/9673/argentina-right-wing-coup ''Working Class History''] (2020)

* Kissinger is a stinking scholar. I have read the report about the meeting between comrade [[w:Xuan Thuy|Xuan Thuy]] and Kissinger. The last part of it is very funny. Kissinger is a [[Universities|university]] professor who does not know anything about diplomacy. 
** [[Mao Zedong]], [http://digitalarchive.wilsoncenter.org/document/113107.pdf?v=aa620774215ecd47e9dfe4a262d119b3 “Discussion between Mao Zedong and Pham Van Dong,”] September 23, 1970

== In fiction ==

*'''FBI''': [[Federal Bureau of Investigation|FBI]] [[terrorism]] tip line.
:'''Huey''': It’s Huey again. Got another hot lead on a terrorist.
:'''FBI''': Lord…Huey, we don’t have time for this. I’m hanging up.
:'''Huey''': Wait! I got a good one this time!
:'''FBI''': (sigh) .. (Uh-huh…
:'''Huey''': Kissinger, Henry, Former secretary of state under [[Richard Nixon|Nixon]], allegedly responsible for the deaths of about 950,000 civilians in [[Laos]] and [[Cambodia]] in the early 1970s. &lt;br&gt; if you’re having trouble finding him, ask the guys who gave him the Nobel peace prize. &lt;br&gt; Hello?
:* [[w:Aaron McGruder|Aaron McGruder]], ''[[The Boondocks (comic strip)|The Boondocks]]'', (1/22/2002).

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{Wikisource author}}
{{commonscat}}
*[http://alsos.wlu.edu/qsearch.aspx?browse=people/Kissinger,+Henry Annotated Bibliography for Henry Kissinger from the Alsos Digital Library for Nuclear Issues]
*[http://www.henryakissinger.com/ Official Website of Henry A. Kissinger]
*[http://www.npr.org/programs/npc/2002/020305.hkissinger.html NPR: Kissinger Speech at National Press Club]. Towards the end [55:55], he responds to Hitchens.
*''The Kissinger Saga. Henry and Walter: Two Brothers from Fuerth/Germany''. Documentary, 90 min. (unabridged version), first time aired: ''Bayerischer Rundfunk'' (Bavarian Broadcasting Network), January 21, 2007. [http://www.br-online.de/land-und-leute/artikel/0701/15-kissinger/index.xml Summary]
*[http://www.tlf-timelinefilm.de/index_e.html Producer of 'The Kissinger-Saga, Walter and Henry Kissinger - Two Brothers from Fuerth/Germany']
*[http://openvault.wgbh.org/wapina/barcode9316kissinger_2/index.html/ Linkage and Arms Control]. Interview conducted on November 26, 1986 for the [[w:War and Peace in the Nuclear Age|War and Peace in the Nuclear Age]] series.
*[http://www.hrc.utexas.edu/multimedia/video/2008/wallace/kissinger_henry.html Henry Kissinger] interviewed by [[w:Mike Wallace (journalist)|Mike Wallace]] on ''The Mike Wallace Interview'' (13 July, 1958)

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  <page>
    <title>The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess</title>
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[[File:Scandinavian grey wolf Canis lupus.jpg|thumb|Those are only for the one who carries the blood of the hero... the one whose spirit is that of the sublime beast.]]
'''''[[w:The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess|The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess]]''''' is a video game in the ''[[w:Legend of Zelda (series)|Legend of Zelda]]'' series released in [[w:2006|2006]] for the [[w:Wii|Wii]] and the [[w:GameCube|Nintendo GameCube]]. It focuses on a ranch hand named Link whose village is attacked one day and is transformed into a wolf after passing through a wall of darkness into a world of darkness; Link than journeys across the [[kingdom]] of Hyrule, with the help of a shadow being named Midna as they collect the fragments of a [[magic]] [[w:artifact|artifact]] in order to rescue its princess, Zelda, from Zant The [[King]] of the [[Twilight]].

== Dialogue ==
:''[Link throws a tantrum over Epona]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Zelda''': Midna?!
:'''Midna''': Eee hee! You remember my name? What an honor for me...
:'''Zelda''': So, this is the one for whom you were searching.
:'''Midna''': He's not exactly what I had in mind, but...I guess he'll do.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Zelda''': Midna, I believe I understand now just who and what you are... Despite your mortal injuries, you act in our stead... These dark times are the result of our deeds, yet it is you who have reaped the penalty. Accept this now, Midna. I pass it to you...
:'''Midna''': No! Link! STOP HER! ''(Zelda sacrifices herself to save Midna)'' ''(after a long pause)'' We go back, Link! Back to the Faron Woods! Zelda...I've taken all that you had to give...though I did not want it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Zant''': Y-You...TRAITORS!!
:'''Midna''': Traitors? Hah! Do you want to know why none would call you king? It was in your eyes, Zant.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 
:'''Midna''': Well…I guess this is farewell, huh? Light and shadow can't mix, as we all know. But… Never forget that there's another world bound to this one.
:'''Zelda''': Shadow and Light are two sides of the same coin, one cannot exist without the other. I know the reason the goddesses left the Mirror of Twilight in this world. They left it because it was their design that we should meet. Yes... that is what I believe.
:'''Midna''': Zelda, your words are kind and your heart is true. If all in Hyrule are like you, then maybe you'll do all right. ''[walks away to the Mirror of Twilight, and looks to Link]'' Thank you. Well, the princess spoke truly; as long as that mirror's around, we could meet again. ''[tearfully]'' Link... I... see you later. ''[she pushes one of her tears to the Mirror of Twilight, and it starts to shatter; Link rushes to her, but she departs back to the Twilight Realm]''

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess}}
[[Category:The Legend of Zelda video games]]
[[Category:2006 video games]]
[[Category:GameCube video games]]
[[Category:Wii video games]]
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[[File:Scandinavian grey wolf Canis lupus.jpg|thumb|Those are only for the one who carries the blood of the hero... the one whose spirit is that of the sublime beast.]]
'''''[[w:The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess|The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess]]''''' is a video game in the ''[[w:Legend of Zelda (series)|Legend of Zelda]]'' series released in [[w:2006|2006]] for the [[w:Wii|Wii]] and the [[w:GameCube|Nintendo GameCube]]. It focuses on a ranch hand named Link whose village is attacked one day and is transformed into a wolf after passing through a wall of darkness into a world of darkness; Link then journeys across the Chawhee Land, with the help of a shadow being named Midna as they collect the fragments of a [[magic]] [[w:artifact|artifact]] in order to rescue the sleigh horses from The Grand Chawhee II and some pre-teen moments army.

== Dialogue ==
:''[Link throws a tantrum over Epona]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Zelda''': Midna?!
:'''Midna''': Eee hee! You remember my name? What an honor for me...
:'''Zelda''': So, this is the one for whom you were searching.
:'''Midna''': He's not exactly what I had in mind, but...I guess he'll do.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Zelda''': Midna, I believe I understand now just who and what you are... Despite your mortal injuries, you act in our stead... These dark times are the result of our deeds, yet it is you who have reaped the penalty. Accept this now, Midna. I pass it to you...
:'''Midna''': No! Link! STOP HER! ''(Zelda sacrifices herself to save Midna)'' ''(after a long pause)'' We go back, Link! Back to the Faron Woods! Zelda...I've taken all that you had to give...though I did not want it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Zant''': Y-You...TRAITORS!!
:'''Midna''': Traitors? Hah! Do you want to know why none would call you king? It was in your eyes, Zant.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 
:'''Midna''': Well…I guess this is farewell, huh? Light and shadow can't mix, as we all know. But… Never forget that there's another world bound to this one.
:'''Zelda''': Shadow and Light are two sides of the same coin, one cannot exist without the other. I know the reason the goddesses left the Mirror of Twilight in this world. They left it because it was their design that we should meet. Yes... that is what I believe.
:'''Midna''': Zelda, your words are kind and your heart is true. If all in Hyrule are like you, then maybe you'll do all right. ''[walks away to the Mirror of Twilight, and looks to Link]'' Thank you. Well, the princess spoke truly; as long as that mirror's around, we could meet again. ''[tearfully]'' Link... I... see you later. ''[she pushes one of her tears to the Mirror of Twilight, and it starts to shatter; Link rushes to her, but she departs back to the Twilight Realm]''

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess}}
[[Category:The Legend of Zelda video games]]
[[Category:2006 video games]]
[[Category:GameCube video games]]
[[Category:Wii video games]]
[[Category:Video games about curses]]
[[Category:Video games about dogs]]</text>
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    <title>Sarah Bernhardt</title>
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      <text bytes="7577" sha1="1t3h5k17ifgc7q5mudg7yjo0rwquqic" xml:space="preserve">[[File:§§Bernhardt, Sarah (1844-1923) par Jules Bastien-Lepage (1848-1884) - 1879.jpg|thumb|right|Life engenders life. Energy creates energy. It is by spending oneself that one becomes rich.]]
'''[[w:Sarah Bernhardt|Sarah Bernhardt]]''' ([[23 October]] [[1844]] – [[26 March]] [[1923]]), born '''Marie Henriette Bernardt''', was a French stage actress. Bernhardt is regarded as one the finest actresses of the 19th century, and was the first actor to become a worldwide celebrity. Also known as '''&quot;The Divine Sarah&quot;'''. 

== Quotes ==
[[File:Sarah Bernhardt by Nadar, 2.jpg|thumb|right|We ought to hate very rarely, as it is too fatiguing; remain indifferent to a great deal, forgive often and never forget.]]
* '''Quand même''' 
**Bernhardt's motto, a versatile french phrase meaning &quot;anyway, nevertheless; really; how about that; finally&quot;

* '''Once the curtain is raised, the actor ceases to belong to himself. He belongs to his character, to his author, to his public.''' He must do the impossible to identify himself with the first, not to betray the second, and not to disappoint the third. And to this end the actor must forget his personality and throw aside his joys and sorrows. He must present the public with the reality of a being who for him is only a fiction. With his own eyes, he must shed the tears of the other. With his own voice, he must groan the anguish of the other. His own heart beats as if it would burst, for it is the other's heart that beats in his heart. And when he retires from a tragic or dramatic scene, if he has properly rendered his character, he must be panting and exhausted.
** ''The Art of the Theatre'' (1925), p. 171

* Me pray? Never! I'm an atheist.
** As quoted in ''What Great Men Think of Religion'' (1945) by Ira D Cardiff

* '''Life engenders life. Energy creates energy. It is by spending oneself that one becomes rich.'''
** As quoted in ''Madam Sarah'' (1966) by Cornelia Otis Skinner, p. xvi

* Acting is all internal, but must be externalized.

=== ''My Double Life'' (1907) ===
:&lt;small&gt;''Ma Double Vie'' [''My Double Life : Memoirs of Sarah Bernhardt''] (1907) [http://www.gutenberg.org/etext/9100 Full text online]&lt;/small&gt;
[[File:Sarah Bernhardt 1.jpg|thumb|right|Life is short, even for those who live a long time, and we must live for the few who know and appreciate us, who judge and absolve us, and for whom we have the same affection and indulgence.]]

* '''[[Victor Hugo]] could not promise without keeping his word. He was not like me: I promise everything with the firm intention of keeping my promises, and two hours after I have forgotten all about them.''' If any one reminds me of what I have promised, I tear my hair, and to make up for my forgetfulness I say anything, I buy presents — in fact, I complicate my life with useless worries. It has always been thus, and always will be so.
** Ch. 25

* '''My fame had become annoying for my enemies, and a little trying, I confess, for my friends.''' But at that time all this stir and noise amused me vastly. I did nothing to attract attention. My somewhat fantastic tastes, my paleness and thinness, my peculiar way of dressing, my scorn of fashion, my general freedom in all respects, made me a being quite apart from all others. I did not recognise the fact. &lt;br&gt; I did not read, I never read, the newspapers. So I did not know what was said about me, either favourable or unfavourable. Surrounded by a court of adorers of both sexes, I lived in a sunny dream.
** Ch. 25

* '''Those who know the joys and miseries of celebrity when they have passed the age of forty know how to defend themselves.''' They are at the beginning of a series of small worries, thunderbolts hidden under flowers, but they know how to hold in check that monster advertisement. It is a sort of octopus with innumerable tentacles. It throws out to right and left, in front and behind, its clammy arms, and gathers in, through its thousand little suckers, all the gossip and slander and praise afloat, to spit out again at the public when it is vomiting its black gall. But those who are caught in the clutches of celebrity at the age of twenty two know nothing.
** Ch. 28 &lt;!-- p. 324 --&gt;

* I am so superstitious that if I had arrived when there was no sunshine I should have been wretched and most anxious until after my first performance. It is a perfect torture to be superstitious to this degree, and, unfortunately for me, I am ten times more so now than I was in those days, for besides the superstitions of my own country, I have, thanks to my travels, added to my stock all the superstitions of other countries. I know them all now, and in any critical moment of my life, they all rise up in armed legions for or against me. '''I cannot walk a single step or make any movement or gesture, sit down, go out, look at the sky or ground, without feeling some reason for hope or despair, until at last, exasperated by the trammels put upon my actions by my thought, I defy all superstitions and just act as I want to act.'''
** Ch. 33 &lt;!-- p. 362 --&gt;

* '''Life is short, even for those who live a long time, and we must live for the few who know and appreciate us, who judge and absolve us, and for whom we have the same affection and indulgence.''' The rest I look upon as a mere crowd, lively or sad, loyal or corrupt, from whom there is nothing to be expected but fleeting emotions, either pleasant or unpleasant, which leave no trace behind them. '''We ought to hate very rarely, as it is too fatiguing; remain indifferent to a great deal, forgive often and never forget.'''
** Ch. 33 &lt;!-- p. 369 --&gt;

==Quotes about==
[[File:Sarah_Bernhardt,_par_Nadar,_1864.jpg|thumb|right|]]
* Chicago people are very fond of Madame Bernhardt. They want her to get a divorce and settle down with them.
** Anonymous, on the occasion of her first American tour, [https://www.newspapers.com/image/?clipping_id=87181371 &quot;This Evening's Amusements,&quot;] ''The Daily Picayune'' (January 27, 1981), p.&amp;nbsp;4
*'''There are five kinds of actresses: bad actresses, fair actresses, good actresses, great actresses— and then there is Sarah Bernhardt'''
**[[Mark Twain]][http://www.bernhardtonbroadway.com/Mark_Twain_Praises_Sarah_Bernhardt.pdf]
* '''She is the Muse of Poetry herself.'''  Neither intelligence nor artistry have anything to do with it.  She is guided by a secret instinct.  She recites as the nightingale sings, as the wind sighs, as water murmurs, as Lamartine once wrote.
**[[w:Theodore de Banville|Theodore de Banville]]
* A symphony of golden flutes and muted strings; silver dawn lit by lambent lightnings, soft stars and a clear-cut crescent moon.
**[[Maurice Baring]], on Bernhardt's legendary &quot;voix d'or&quot; (golden voice)

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commons}}
* [http://www.sarah-bernhardt.com/ The Sarah Bernhardt Pages]
* {{gutenberg author|id=Sarah_Bernhardt|name=Sarah Bernhardt}}
* [http://www.ibdb.com/person.asp?ID=9688 Internet Broadway Database]
* {{imdb name|0076800|Sarah Bernhardt}}
* [http://www.jewish-theatre.com/visitor/article_display.aspx?articleID=1634 &quot;Sarah Bernhardt : The Art of High Drama&quot;]
* [http://cylinders.library.ucsb.edu/search.php?queryType=%40attr+1%3D1016+&amp;query=sarah+bernhardt Sarah Bernhardt cylinder recordings]

{{DEFAULTSORT:Bernhardt, Sarah}}
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[[Category:Women authors from France]]
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  <page>
    <title>Theocritus</title>
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[[File:Assistants and George Frederic Watts - Hope - Google Art Project.jpg|thumb|right|While there's life there's hope, and only the dead have none.]]
'''{{w|Theocritus}}''' (fl. c. [[270 BC]]) was a Greek poet of the 3rd century BC, probably a [[w:Syracuse, Sicily|Syracusan]] who later lived in {{w|Kos}} and {{w|Alexandria}}.  He invented the genre of {{w|pastoral poetry}}.

== Quotes ==
[[File:Nicolas Poussin - Et in Arcadia ego (deuxième version).jpg|thumb|right|Lo! how small&lt;br&gt;Was the gift, and yet how precious! [[Friendship]]'s gifts are [[priceless]] all.]]
:&lt;small&gt;Greek text cited from C. Gallavotti, ''Theocritus quique feruntur Bucolici Graeci'' (Rome, &lt;sup&gt;3&lt;/sup&gt;1993).&lt;/small&gt;

=== ''Idylls'' ===
* ἅδιον, ὦ ποιμήν, τὸ τεὸν μέλος ἢ τὸ καταχὲς&lt;br&gt;τῆν᾿ ἀπὸ τᾶς πέτρας καταλείβεται ὑψόθεν ὕδωρ.
** Sweeter, shepherd, falls thy song than yonder stream that tumbles plashing from the rocks.
** I.7–8 (tr. A. S. F. Gow, 1952)

* ἠνίδε σιγῇ μὲν πόντος, σιγῶντι δ᾿ ἀῆται,&lt;br&gt;ἁ δ᾿ ἐμὰ οὐ σιγῇ στέρνων ἔντοσθεν ἀνία.
** Look, still is the sea and still are the breezes; but the pain in my heart is not still.
** II.33–34

* ἐλπίδες ἐν ζωοῖσιν, ἀνέλπιστοι δὲ θανόντες.
** While there's life there’s [[hope]], and only the dead have none.
** IV.42 (tr. A. S. F. Gow, 1952)
*:&lt;small&gt;Compare [[Cicero]], ''Ad Atticum'', IX.10.4:&lt;br&gt;''Aegroto, dum anima est, spes est''&lt;br&gt;While the sick man has life, there is hope.&lt;/small&gt;

* ἦ γὰρ ἔρωτι&lt;br&gt;πολλάκις, ὦ Πολύφημε, τὰ μὴ καλὰ καλὰ πέφανται.
** Faults are beauties, when survey'd by [[love]].
** VI.18–19 (tr. R. Polwhele, 1786)

* τὰν παρεοῖσαν ἄμελγε· τί τὸν φεύγοντα διώκεις;
** Milk the ewe that thou hast, why pursue the thing that shuns thee?
** XI.75 (tr. A. Lang, 1880)

* οἱ δὲ ποθεῦντες ἐν ἤματι γηράσκουσιν.
** They that yearn grow old in a day.
** XII.2 (tr. A. S. F. Gow, 1952)

* ἀεργοῖς αἰὲν ἑορτά.
** It's always holiday for those that have nothing to do.
** XV.26 (tr. A. S. F. Gow, 1952)

* ἐς Τροίαν πειρώμενοι ἦνθον Ἀχαιοί,&lt;br&gt;καλλίστα παίδων· πείρᾳ θην πάντα τελεῖται.
** The Greeks got into Troy by trying, my pretties; everything's done by trying.
** XV.61–62 (tr. A. S. F. Gow, 1952)

* εὐσεβέων παίδεσσι τὰ λώια, δυσσεβέων δ᾿ οὔ.
** The godly seed fares well: the wicked's is accurst.
** XXVI.32 (tr. C. S. Calverley, 1869)

* κῆνο γάρ τις ἔρει τὦπος ἴδων σ᾿· «ἦ μεγάλα χάρις&lt;br&gt;δώρῳ σὺν ὀλίγῳ· πάντα δὲ τίματα τὰ πὰρ φίλων».
** Men shall look on thee and murmur to each other, &quot;Lo! how small&lt;br&gt;Was the gift, and yet how precious! [[Friendship]]'s gifts are [[priceless]] all.&quot;
** XVIII.24–25 (tr. C. S. Calverley, 1869)

* ἄλλου δ᾿ ἄλλον ἔθηκε θεὸς ἐπιδευέα φωτῶν.
** For heaven's eternal wisdom has decreed,&lt;br&gt;That man of man should ever stand in need.
** XXV.50 (tr. F. Fawkes, 1767)

* ἀλλὰ πέρρ ἀπάλω στύματός σε πεδέρχομαι&lt;br&gt;ὀμνάσθην, ὅτι πέρρυσιν ἦσθα νεώτερος,&lt;br&gt;κὤττι γηράλεοι πέλεμεν πρὶν ἀπύπτυσαι&lt;br&gt;καὶ ῥύσοι, νεότατα δ᾿ ἔχειν παλινάγρετον&lt;br&gt;οὐκ ἔστι· πτέρυγας γὰρ ἐπωμιδίαις φόρη,&lt;br&gt;κἄμμες βαρδύτεροι τὰ ποτήμενα συλλάβην.
** No? Reflect that you're older each year than the last;&lt;br&gt;That we all must grow gray, and the wrinkles come fast.&lt;br&gt;Reflect, ere you spurn me, that youth at his sides&lt;br&gt;Wears wings; and once gone, all pursuit he derides.
** XXIX.25–30 (tr. C. S. Calverley, 1869)

== Quotes about Theocritus ==
[[File:Joseph Warton.jpg|thumb|Rural, romantic wildness of thought ... with such lively pictures...of simple unadorned nature. ~ [[w:Joseph Warton|Joseph Warton]]]]
* Theocritus [is] another bright instance of the happy abilities and various accomplishments of the ancients. He has written in several sorts of poetry, and succeeded in them all. It seems unnecessary to praise the native simplicity and easy freedom of his pastorals, when [[Virgil]] himself sometimes invokes the muse of Syracuse; when he imitates him through all his own poems of that kind, and in several passages translates him... In several of his other poems he shows such strength of reason and politeness, that would qualify him to plead among the orators, and make him acceptable in the courts of princes.
** {{w|Anthony Blackwall}}, ''An Introduction to the Classics'' (1718).

* That which distinguishes Theocritus from all other Poets, both Greek and Latin, and which raises him even above Virgil in his Eclogues, is the inimitable tenderness of his passions, and the natural expression of them in words so becoming of a Pastoral.
** [[John Dryden]], [http://www.bartleby.com/204/180.html Preface to ''Sylvae''] (1685)

* The Idylliums of Theocritus have something so inimitably sweet in the verse and thoughts, such a native simplicity, and are so genuine, so natural a result of the rural life, that I must, in my poor judgment, allow him the honour of the pastoral.
** {{w|Henry Felton}}, ''A Dissertation on Reading the Classics, And Forming a Just Style'' (1709).
 
* ''Quin etiam ritus pastorum et Pana sonantem&lt;br /&gt;In calamos Sicula memorat tellure creatus,&lt;br /&gt;Nec silvis silvestre canit perque horrida motus&lt;br /&gt;Rura serit dulcis Musamque inducit in aulas.''
** The sweet Theocritus, with softest strains,&lt;br /&gt;Makes piping Pan delight Sicilian swains;&lt;br /&gt;Through his smooth reed no rustic numbers move,&lt;br /&gt;But all is tenderness, and all is love;&lt;br /&gt;As if the Muses sat in every vale,&lt;br /&gt;Inspir'd the song, and told the melting tale.
** [[Marcus Manilius]], ''Astronomica'', Book II, lines 39–42 (tr. [[w:Thomas Creech|Thomas Creech]]).

* Theocritus excels all others in nature and simplicity. The subjects of his Idyllia are purely pastoral... But it is enough that all others [pastoral writers] learned their excellence from him, and that his dialect alone has a secret charm in it, which no other could ever attain.
** [[Alexander Pope]], ''A Discourse on Pastoral Poetry'' (&lt;!--1704, published --&gt;1717).

* There are few images and sentiments in the Eclogues of Virgil, but what are drawn from the Idylliums of Theocritus: in whom there is a rural, romantic wildness of thought, heightened by the Doric dialect; with such lively pictures of the passions, and of simple unadorned nature, as are infinitely pleasing to such lovers and judges of true poetry as yourself. Theocritus is indeed the great store-house of pastoral description, and every succeeding painter of rural beauty (except [[James Thomson (poet)|Thomson]] in his [[w:The Seasons (Thomson)|Seasons]]) hath copied his images from him, without ever looking abroad upon the face of nature themselves.
** {{w|Joseph Warton}}, Prefatory Dedication of ''The Works of Virgil'' to [[George Lyttelton, 1st Baron Lyttelton|Lord Lyttelton]] (1753).

* If I might now venture to speak of the merits of the several pastoral writers, I would say, that in Theocritus we are charmed with a certain sweetness, a romantic rusticity and wildness, heightened by the Doric dialect, that are almost inimitable... Several of his pieces indicate a genius of a higher class, far superior to pastoral, and equal to the sublimest species of poetry.
** {{w|Joseph Warton}}, ''A Dissertation upon Pastoral Poetry'' (1753).

== References ==
* Calverley, C.S., ''Theocritus. Translated Into English Verse'' (Cambridge, 1869) [https://archive.org/details/theocritus00theo Internet Archive]

* Fawkes, F., ''The Idylliums of Theocritus'' (London, 1767) [https://archive.org/details/bim_eighteenth-century_works-english-the-id_theocritus_1767 Internet Archive]

* Gallavotti, C., ''Theocritus quique feruntur Bucolici Graeci'' (Rome, &lt;sup&gt;3&lt;/sup&gt;1993)

* Gow, A.S.F., ''Theocritus. Edited with a Translation and Commentary'' (Cambridge, &lt;sup&gt;2&lt;/sup&gt;1952) [https://archive.org/details/theocritusvolume0000gowa Internet Archive]

* Lang, A., ''Theocritus, Bion and Moschus. Rendered Into English Prose'' (London, 1880) [https://archive.org/details/cu31924026600332 Internet Archive]

* Polwhele, R., ''The Idyllia, Epigrams, and Fragments, of Theocritus, Bion, and Moschus'' (Exeter, 1786) [https://archive.org/details/bim_eighteenth-century_the-idyllia-epigrams-a_theocritus_1786 Internet Archive]

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}

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    <title>One Tree Hill (Season 5)</title>
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:'''Seasons:''' [[One Tree Hill (Season 1)|1]] [[One Tree Hill (Season 2)|2]] [[One Tree Hill (Season 3)|3]] [[One Tree Hill (Season 4)|4]] [[One Tree Hill (Season 5)|5]] [[One Tree Hill (Season 6)|6]] [[One Tree Hill (Season 7)|7]] [[One Tree Hill (Season 8)|8]] [[One Tree Hill (Season 9)|9]] | [[One Tree Hill|Main]]
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&lt;!--Although this page is over the 32kb guide I have not split it further as I have already split it down to seasons and there is no logical place to split it further. It would be better to remove the poorer quotes from this page. Sophiaih 21-09-10--&gt;
'''''[[w:One Tree Hill (TV series)|One Tree Hill]]''''' (2003-2012) is an [[w:United States|American]] [[w:Teen drama|teen television drama]] airing on  [[w:The WB Television Network|the WB network]] (now the [[w:CW television network|the CW network]]) in the United States.

== Season 5 ==
===''4 Years, 6 Months, 2 Days'' [5.01] ===

:'''[[w:Nathan Scott|Nathan]]''': My dad's in prison and so am I.
:'''[[w:Haley James Scott|Haley]]''': Yeah, well you can walk out.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Brooke Davis|Brooke]]''': Guys. Absolutely not! There is no way she gets on the cover of my magazine unless she gains 10 pounds, minimum. She looks unhealthy.
:'''Assistants''': We were just brainstorming.
:'''Brooke''': Brainstorm better. Anorexia is a disease. It is not a fashion statement.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''John Knight''': I hate to be the one to break it to you, but rock &amp; roll can't actually save the world.
:'''[[w:Peyton Sawyer|Peyton]]''': See, I disagree. Walk into any club on the strip tonight, and just look at the kids. Look into their eyes. I mean they're all looking for something to believe in, and I think that music can be the thing to change the world.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Brooke''': I believe in our lives we were all meant to do something. It does not matter when your success comes, success can come whenever you want it to.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Peyton Sawyer|Peyton]]''': ''[on the phone]'' Hi, it's Peyton. Yeah, I'm sorry. I know it's late there, I just... what happened to us? You know? I don't know who I am anymore. Or how I got here. I miss who I used to be. I wanna have a home again, ya know? And real friends. You know, the kind of friendships we used to believe in. I miss that. And I miss you. I guess I just miss all of it. Does any of that make any sense?
:'''Brooke:''' Yeah, it makes all the sense in the world, Peyton. Four years ago, it all seemed so clear, didn't it? Conquer the world, save the world, live happily ever after.
:'''Peyton:''' Are you happy, Brooke?
:'''Brooke:''' Sometimes. Not always. Are you?
:'''Peyton:''' No.
:'''Brooke:''' Okay, then let me ask you something. What is gonna make you happy, Peyton? Is it how you look? Or the car you drive or the people you know? Is it money or celebrity or power or accomplishments? Because I have all those things and I don't think it's enough.
:'''Peyton:''' Well then, what is?
:'''Brooke:''' Love, I think. And that love can be for a boy or a girl or a place or a way of life or even for a family. But where you find it is up to you. So where are you gonna find that love, Peyton?
:'''Peyton:''' I think I need to go home.
:'''Brooke:''' Yeah. I was hoping you'd say that.

=== ''Racing Like A Pro'' [5.02] ===

:'''[[w:Lucas Scott|Lucas]]''': ''(voiceover)'': My name is Lucas Scott. Four years ago I graduated high school with my friends. Brooke Davis moved to New York City and found success. Peyton Sawyer went to Los Angeles, success didn’t come so easily. I wrote a novel and fell for my editor, Lindsey. My brother Nathan saw his dreams vanish, leaving his wife Haley and their son Jaime more fragile than ever. Things have changed in four years, but in many ways this is just the beginning. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Peyton Sawyer|Peyton]]''': I was there Luke. At your book signing in LA. I was there Lucas. I was so proud of you, but we hadn't talked in a long time, and I saw you with Lindsey and I figured you guys were together. Which clearly you are. I like her. I do, but do you remember when you first joined the Ravens and you took all my sketches to Thud without even asking? And do you remember what you said that night when you first entered the gym?
:'''Lucas''': Your art matters. It's what got me here.
:'''Peyton''': Yeah, it's like you touched my soul. And a few days ago I was ready to quit again but you saved me with the words you wrote about me in your novel. So if you're struggling writing the next one you should know that your art matters Lucas. It's what got me here.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Haley James Scott|Haley]]''': The rest of your life is a long time and whether you know it or not it's being shaped right now. You can choose to blame your circumstances on fate or bad luck or bad choices or you can fight back. Things aren't always going to be fair in the real world, that's just the way it is but for the most part you get what you give. Let me ask you all a question. What's worse: not getting everything you wished for or getting it but finding out it's not enough? The rest of your life is being shaped right now with the dreams you chase, the choices you make and the person you decide to be. The rest of your life is a long time and the rest of your life starts right now

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Peyton''': Well.
:'''Brooke''': Well. Oh don't look away, second and third greatest nights in your life just walked back into your world.
:'''Peyton''': You looking all rock star totally does it for me.
:'''Brooke''': It's very heroin chic Nate, I like it.
:'''Nathan''': What are you guys doing here?
:'''Brooke''': Well, Lucas tells me you can walk but you need a little incentive so we have come up with a drill.
:'''Peyton''': For every step you take we kiss.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Haley''': [throws beer bottles] Are you going to say anything or are you just gonna sit there like you have for the past four months? You gonna get drunk, maybe pout, a little cry?
:'''Nathan''': You don't get it, do you? I used to be somebody, Haley, do you understand that? Do you understand what that means? I used to be Nathan Scott, and I was great and I should have walked away okay I know that and I didn't do it, and now I'm nothing. And I have nothing.
:'''Haley''': You have nothing? You have a beautiful son who is here. I am here! You've gotta figure out who you're gonna be in this, Nathan. Because this version of you does not work for us. I can not keep living like this, okay? Do you understand what I'm saying? One more night like this, Nathan, and I promise, you will have nothing!

=== ''My Way Home Is Through You'' [5.03] ===

:'''[[w:Haley James Scott|Haley]]''': What is this?
:'''[[w:Nathan Scott|Nathan]]''': It's the beginning.
:'''Haley''': Of what?
:'''Nathan''': Of the way it's going to be from now on. I know it's going to take a lot more than dinner, but I figure it's a start right?
:'''Haley''': I missed you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Peyton Sawyer|Peyton]]''': Brooke, this place looks great. Think, if I can't sign any bands soon, maybe I can get a job here?
:'''[[w:Brooke Davis|Brooke]]''': I'm sorry, darling, you're not nearly bitchy enough to work in one of my stores.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Haley''': I think I'm realizing that I can't help everybody, and still somehow feel responsible. I don't know why I keep trying.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lindsay''': Lucas tell you he wrote all night?
:'''Haley''': No, I thought he's been blocked.
:'''Lindsay''': Guess he got inspired.
:'''Haley''': Oh, that's good. Isn't it?
:'''Lindsay''': Yeah.Yeah, as editor I'm thrilled obviously but as his girlfriend I can't help but notice the timing.
:'''Haley''': Oh, you're talking about Peyton coming back?

=== ''It's Alright Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)'' [5.04] ===

:'''[[w:Lucas Scott|Lucas]]''': Much as some of us fight it, our parents have a mystical hold over us, the power to affect our thoughts and emotions the way only they can. It's a bond that changes over time, but doesn't diminish, even if they're half a world away, or in another world entirely. It's a power we never fully understand. We're left only to wonder that when our time comes, what kind of hold will we have on our children?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Peyton Sawyer|Peyton]]''': Hi Mrs. Davis. I just want to tell you, I think it's really great you're supporting Brooke's decision to stay. I know it means so much to her.
:'''[[w:Victoria Davis|Victoria]]''': Of course I support my daughter. But let's be clear. The only reason that Brooke returned to this backwater town is because her loser friend couldn't cut it in Los Angeles. That's why I'm here, to make sure that my daughter is not completely exploited by her parasitic so called friend. So you get your little act together before you ruin her life too.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Victoria''': Good God. What is that?
:'''[[w:Brooke Davis|Brooke]]''': That is my assistant Millicent.
:'''Victoria''': Tell me again why you have an assistant, who dresses like a Slavic bag lady.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Peyton''': I'm really sorry about Jason.
:'''Haley''': It's okay. I've worked with self-centered musicians before. Chris Keller ring a bell.
:'''Peyton''': Only his own.
:'''Haley''': Ha...Ha...Ha.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lucas''': Hey, ready to go?
:'''Peyton''': Hey, umm... actually I think I'm going to stay so, goodnight.
:'''Lucas''': He's not good enough for you.
:'''Peyton''': Hey don't do that.
:'''Lucas''': Do what?
:'''Peyton''': He's not good enough for you? I don't want you saying things like that to me, Lucas. That's not fair to me, it's not fair to Lindsey either!

=== ''I Forgot to Remember to Forget'' [5.05] ===

:'''[[w:Brooke Davis|Brooke]]''': Okay, I think that might be the second stupidest thing you've done in the last 24 hours. Luke, we're not in high school anymore. And I love Peyton, and even if you don't wanna admit it right now, so do you. Okay?
:'''[[w:Lucas Scott|Lucas]]''': I feel lost Brooke. I don't know what to do without her.
:'''Brooke''': Alright. You remember when I started Clothes over Bros? It was right after we broke up and I was trying to mend my broken heart by focusing on my work and you need to do the same right now. You need to go out there and become the best person and the best writer that you can be and then you approach Peyton and if she comes back to you, you know it's meant to be.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lucas''': Hey, when did you get here?
:'''[[w:Peyton Sawyer|Peyton]]''': I don't know, like an hour ago.
:'''Lucas''': You know you could have woke me up.
:'''Peyton''': Luke… what is this? ''(holds up the ring box)'' I couldn't bring myself to open it but, uh I've just been sitting here thinking about how much I love you. 
:'''Lucas''': Well… I wanted it to be a surprise but uh. Peyton, I love you and I want us to be together forever.
:'''Peyton''': Luke, wait okay.
:'''Lucas''': I know it's a bit sudden okay, but yesterday was a great day. And I'm sitting on the bus and I realize that none of my great days in my life matter without you. You're the one I want next to me when my dreams come true. You're the one I want next to me if they don't. As long as I have you nothing else matters.
:'''Peyton''': There's… it's just not as simple as all of that okay. I mean there's a lot we have to talk about.
:'''Lucas''': I know that but we'll figure out all the details when we get back to Tree Hill.
:'''Peyton''': Okay I know that's home for you and I miss it sometimes, I do, but for me Tree Hill is two dead moms and a psycho stalker and some really painful memories. You know I actually had to move out to Hollywood to get away from all the drama. So right now this is my home and the only thing that's missing is you.
:'''Lucas''': Then I'll move here.
:'''Peyton''': No god. Luke, honey, Whitey believes in you and Nathan needs you and if I ask you to walk away from your dream you're gonna wake up one day and you're gonna resent me for it. The same way I would feel if you asked me to leave LA.
:'''Lucas''': Peyton you get people coffee and deliver mail, you were doing more than that in Tree Hill.
:'''Peyton''': Well I love you for believing that but I have to prove that to myself. I mean… you see that's the thing, and we both have so much we wanna do with our lives and were only nineteen.
:'''Lucas''': And Nathan and Haley were a lot younger than that.
:'''Peyton''': Okay well we see how easy that's been. Come on…in another year.
:'''Lucas''': Peyton! We've seen each other three times in the last year. We go days without talking. We trade few emails. We've already grown so far apart. Who knows where we'll be a year from now.
:'''Peyton''': Luke if you can't trust that our love can make it one year, I don't understand how we can be talking about forever right now!
:'''Lucas''': You're saying no.
:'''Peyton''': No! I am not saying no, I am saying not now. I want to marry you someday. Hey don't do that, don't pull away from me. Okay I want us to be together. I love you so much.
:'''Lucas''': Just not enough...
:'''Peyton''': Okay. Can we take this back? Can we just pretend like you never woke up, please?
:'''Lucas''': I don't think we can.
:'''Peyton''': I'm afraid that this conversation is going to end with…
:'''Lucas''': Goodbye...
:'''Peyton''': Don't! Come here. Our dreams are going to come true Lucas. My music and your novel. It's gonna happen, I know it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Victoria''': I've been calling you all night. Maybe teen marriage is all the rage in Hicksville, North Carolina, but I swear if you marry this boy I'm gonna have annulment papers drawn up so fast...
:'''Brooke''': Mom relax, it was just a joke. 
:'''Victoria''': Oh. Thank God. You have far too much to lose Brooke.
:'''Brooke''': And Lucas Scott was the one boy I might have lost it for.

=== ''Don't Dream It's Over'' [5.06] ===

:'''[[w:Peyton Sawyer|Peyton]]''': Okay, so tell me again, what happened?
:'''[[w:Haley James Scott|Haley]]''': We walked in and Bitch-toria was there waiting.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Lucas Scott|Lucas]]''': I saw your lights on, which isn't that surprising, I mean I know how hard you work. You know, you haven't been yourself lately Peyton. I mean not the Peyton I remember.
:'''Peyton''': Well, I haven't been that Peyton for three years.
:'''Lucas''': What's going on?
:'''Peyton''': Okay. I went by my old house, there's a teenage girl living there now. She showed me my closet door, and you know what that said? Lucas and Peyton, True Love Always. Always Lucas, that's what we were supposed to have until you showed up in L.A. three years ago and ambushed me.
:'''Lucas''': If by ambushed you mean proposed to you?
:'''Peyton''': Oh, yeah, out of the blue! A proposal that was driven by some insecurity that I have never been able to understand!
:'''Lucas''': Insecurity? Right. Let me tell you how you get &quot;Always&quot; Peyton: when a man asks you to marry him, you say yes. You don't say no and call him insecure!
:'''Peyton''': I never said no! I said that I loved you and that I did wanna marry you some day and, oh God, Luke! I wanted you so bad - but you gave up on us.
:'''Lucas''': I... I gave up on us? 
:'''Peyton''': Yes!
:'''Lucas''': By proposing I gave up on us?
:'''Peyton''': No! By not waiting you gave up on us, and you know that's the truth!
:'''Lucas''': That's great Peyton! ''[screaming]'' You wanna talk truth, let's tell the truth! 
:'''Peyton''': Okay.
:'''Lucas''': You gave up on me! That's why you didn't say yes, you didn't think I could do it! You didn't think I could get my novel published, maybe you just didn't care, because it wasn't about you, or what you wanted.
:'''Peyton''': Well, if that's the truth, if I never cared, (picking up a copy of the many she has of Lucas's novel), then how come every time I see this stupid book I buy it, ''[picking up another three copies]'', every stupid damn time Luke. ''[Screaming, she starts throwing the books at Lucas]'' You said I was great! You said I could be great! You said we were destined to be together, you said it to the world, you said it to me and I wish you never had because you did not mean any of it!!!
:'''Lucas''': ''[raising his hands up in surrender and disbelief]'' I'm gonna go. ''[He starts walking away]''
:'''Peyton''': Okay, you know what? I'm gonna pay rent. I don't know how I'm gonna do it, but I'll figure it out, cause whatever this is, I don't feel right about it. 
:'''Lucas''': It's called me being nice to you.
:'''Peyton''': It needs to stop.
:'''Lucas''': I don't know, maybe you're right.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Nathan Scott|Nathan]]''': You said he asked you stuff. What else did you tell him?
:'''[[w:Antwon &quot;Skills&quot; Taylor|Skills]]''': Nothing much. Just the truth.
:'''Nathan''': Like?
:'''Skills''': The man killed Tupac and Biggie, never date girls named Bevin, and Santa Claus is black.

=== ''In Da Club'' [5.07] ===

:'''[[w:Lucas Scott|Lucas]]''': Why are women so screwed up?
:'''[[w:Nathan Scott|Nathan]]''': Let me guess, Peyton.
:'''Lucas''': How did you know?
:'''Nathan''': Because she's sending you a drink with a check in it.
:'''Lucas''': Yeah, we're having a tough time with the whole friends thing. How did you two do it so easily?
:'''Nathan''': I make everything look easy.
:'''Lucas''': Nate.
:'''Nathan''': Peyton and I were never in love.
:'''Lucas''': Yeah, well Lindsey is mad at me too.
:'''Nathan''': Yet you seem more upset about Peyton.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Peyton Sawyer|Peyton]]''': I came back for Lucas.
:'''[[w:Brooke Davis | Brooke]]''': I know. You've had your &quot;Lucas Stealing Face&quot; since you picked me up from the airport
:'''Peyton''':What &quot;Lucas Stealing Face&quot;?
:'''Brooke''': The only face you've got.
:'''Peyton''': Well, it doesn't even matter now. He's with Lindsay.
:'''Brooke''': Honey, Lindsey doesn't stand a chance, trust me. I have been the &quot;Lindsey&quot; between &quot;Lucas and Peyton&quot; and it is not a great place to be.
:'''Peyton''': Yeah, neither is the place I'm at.
:'''Brooke''': Are you kidding? You're Peyton Sawyer. The guy wrote a whole book about how much he loves you.
:'''Peyton''': You think he still does?
:'''Brooke''': It has always been &quot;Lucas and Peyton&quot;. You guys are meant to be together. It's the way it's supposed to be. So go and get your man. &lt;i&gt;[Peyton chuckles]&lt;/i&gt; And this time, if he proposes please say &quot;yes&quot;.
:''Peyton gets up and hugs Brooke then starts walking away. Then turns back.''
:'''Peyton''': Wait, if I came back for Lucas, then why did you come back?
:'''Brooke''': Duh! For Lucas. Game on, bitch!
:''Both chuckle and Peyton hits Brooke leg and Brooke hits Peyton's ass.''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Peyton''': Lindsey. I... I'm sorry. I never wanted...
:''Lindsey shows Peyton the ring on her finger''
:'''Lindsey''': Lucas asked me to marry him.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Owen:''': What's underneath all the clothes Brooke Davis

=== ''Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want'' [5.08] ===

:'''[[w:Lucas Scott|Lucas]]''': Suddenly it was as if the roar of the crowd, the echo of the final buzzers, the cheers of my teammates were all sounding from 1,000 miles away, and what remained in that bizarre, muffled silence was only Peyton. The girl whose art, passion, and beauty had changed my life. In that moment, my triumph was not a state championship, but simple clarity. The realization that we had always been meant for each other and every instinct to the contrary had simply been a denial of the following truth - I was now and would always be in love with Peyton Sawyer.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Marvin &quot;Mouth&quot; McFadden|Mouth]]''': Hi. I've been thinking about what you said earlier, and I get it. I wouldn't want to date you if you were sleeping with your boss either.
:'''Millicent''': Brooke?
:'''Mouth''': No, Victoria.
:'''Millicent''': Ew.
:'''Mouth''': I would totally date you if you were sleeping with Brooke.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lucas''': Hi.
:'''[[w:Peyton Sawyer|Peyton]]''': If you wanted to break my heart there were a thousand ways you could have done it. You did not have to propose to Lindsey to hurt me.
:'''Lucas''' : It didn't have anything to do with you. It's just .. weird timing.
:'''Peyton''' : Weird timing .. okay.
:'''Lucas''' : I know that it must seem like ...
:'''Peyton''': NO! Don't marry her Luke!
:'''Lucas''': Peyton you can't...
:'''Peyton''': Am I crazy? Do you not feel what I have felt every day that we've been apart for the last three years? Because I have felt there is this vital piece of me that's been missing. And I tried to fill it, Luke. I tried to fill it...with work and friends and music. And it stayed empty until last night when you kissed me. And my entire universe snapped back into focus. Lucas, look me in the eye &amp; tell me that that kiss did not feel exactly the same as it felt three years ago.
:'''Lucas''': I'm in love with her, Peyton.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Peyton''': Hey… think maybe Whitey will let you out of practice early so we can catch a movie?
:'''Lucas''': What are you doing Peyton?
:'''Peyton''': Just pretending for a second that we're still seventeen and nothing's changed. Would you believe I actually met a girl who lives vicariously through us? At least us in the book.
:'''Lucas''': Sure I do. It was a great story to be a part of, but it also took place a long time ago.
:'''Peyton''': I know. I didn't come here to rehash the past. I was reminded today in a roundabout way that the most perfect act of love is sacrifice. It's what Keith did for Karen; burying his feelings for her for all those years so he could be a good friend. I love you Lucas. And I think I have since the first moment we locked eyes and it is going to suck but if what you want is for me to let go then I'm gonna do it. Be happy Luke. I want that with all my heart. ''[kisses his hand and walks away]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Peyton''': Dear Molly, this is gonna sound a little strange but I'd like you to paint over my old closet door. The thing is there is never a time when you will be more honest, and your convictions will be stronger, and your motives will be more pure than they are right now. Which means you should chase whatever excites you. Be confident, and take risks, and paint over my words so you can start writing your own. My story may have inspired you, but I'm certain your story will inspire the next girl to live in our room. I want you to know you don't need somebody to write about you in order for your life to mean something. You can write about yourself… make your own destiny. Then years from now the next girl will keep what you write on that door long enough to remind you how inspired your life is. And you can tell that girl to paint over the door because you realize the words you wrote, the friends you had, the urgency you felt will always be there under the paint. The love you professed will always be there, the spark of something undeniable, a seed of hope, the truth for better or for worse burning fiercely just below the surface. Love Peyton.

=== ''For Tonight You're Only Here To Know'' [5.09] ===

:'''[[w:Peyton Sawyer|Peyton]]''': There is somebody that we know who is not coaching or playing in this game.
:'''[[w:Brooke Davis|Brooke]]''': Don't ask me. I just moved here.
:'''Peyton''': Brooke.
:'''Brooke''': I don't want to.
:'''Peyton''': Brooke.
:'''Brooke''': I don't even know his number.
:'''[[w:Haley James Scott|Haley]]''':What's going on? What are you talking about?
:'''Peyton''': Brooke's gonna call Owen, her new bartender crush to get us out.
:'''Brooke''': I am not. It's too soon.
:'''Haley''': Brooke, we're gonna miss the game.
:'''Brooke''': I don't wanna call him. It violates all the rules of dating. I'm gonna look like a desperate. He has to do us a favor and then he can make fun of me for it. 
:'''Haley''': Oh my god.
:'''Brooke''': Fine. I will call him. But if he does not sleep with me after this, it is your fault. All of you.
:'''Haley''': I think I'm okay with that
:''[Phone buttons beeping, Brooke laughs]''
:'''Peyton''': What?
:'''Brooke''': My battery just died. It's great!
:'''Peyton''': What?
:'''Brooke''': Isn't that great?
:'''Haley''': Brooke, we're stuck.
:'''Lindsey''': Uh, stuck is not good!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Brooke''': I'm not gonna tell you how to be with Lindsey, but most of your life I've known you to take the high road.
:'''Peyton''': I know, Brooke. I just, I'm so sick of looking at her and her precious ring.
:'''Brooke''': Don't you mean YOUR precious ring?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Marvin &quot;Mouth&quot; McFadden|Mouth]]''': Take a look at this picture. What do you see? There's a high school basketball game tonight somewhere in America and there's a great story there. But sometimes to find it, you have to look away, into the shadows on the fringe of the obvious. Can you see it? Look closer.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lindsey''': ''[singing]'' My name's Peyton. Fake blonde Peyton. I don't have a boyfriend. 'Cause I'm a bitch!
:''[Tim laughs]''
:'''Peyton''': Play it again, Mia.
:'''Haley''': Guys, We Need To Stop
:'''Peyton''': ''[sternly]'' Mia.
:''[Mia starts to play]''
:'''Peyton''': ''[singing]'' Her name is Lindsey, Man-faced Lindsey. And her fiancee proposed to me first, with the very same ring!
:'''Lindsey''': You're lying!
:'''Peyton''': Oh, you didn't know?
:'''Brooke''': Peyton...
:'''Peyton''': Oh, is she gonna cry? 
:'''Lindsey''': Stop It
:'''Peyton''': Go ahead lets cry little rich girl
:'''Lindsey''': I Said Stop It!
:'''Peyton''': Is daddy gonna throw a big huge wedding at Walden Pond for his little cry baby daughter?
:'''Haley''': Peyton you don't know what your talking about!
:'''Peyton''': It's fine Haley, daddy's gonna make everything better for the little rich girl who got everything she ever wanted!
:'''Lindsey''': He’s dead, all right Peyton. He's dead. He died two years ago from cancer but not until he couldn’t walk or talk or even recognize me, does that make you happy? Does that make you feel better? That his death is with me everyday, that I was the one was had to turn of the ventilator because my mother was too destroyed to do it.''[starts to cry]'' You wanna hear the sound he made to before he took that last breath. Oh cause I can still hear it, exactly how it sounded. Does that make you happy? Are you glad that my life isn’t perfect ?  
:'''Peyton''': ''[shocked]'' Lindsey, I-
:'''Lindsey''': I used to admire the Peyton from the book, she seemed so noble, kind. I wish you were here Peyton, that version of you. What happened to her?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Haley''': ''[to Peyton]'' The last time I was trapped in the school was the shooting. You know why Lindsay and I got so close? She was editing Lucas's book, and I still wasn't sure about her, 'cause I was rooting for Lucas to be with my friend Peyton, or maybe even Brooke. Anyway, she was working on the chapter about the shooting, and she said to me &quot;I want this to be Lucas's best writing.The best he has in him, because Peyton deserves it. Jimmy and Keith deserve it, and that day deserves it.&quot; We've been friends ever since.

=== ''Running To Stand Still'' [5.10] ===

:'''[[w:Haley James Scott|Haley]]''':It's a simple question Nathan. Did you kiss her?
:'''[[w:Nathan Scott|Nathan]]''': No, but she kissed me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Carrie''': I need to get my stuff.
:'''Haley''': It's in the garage. Boxes are marked 'whore'.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Brooke Davis|Brooke]]''': Rachel, what happened to you?
:'''Rachel''': Life, I guess.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Lucas Scott|Lucas]]''': ''[to the judges about Dan]'' My father abandoned my mother when she was pregnant with me. He left us to struggle on our own, even though he was a man of means. Growing up, I only had one person to look after me, Keith Scott. And this man killed him. His own brother, in cold blood at point-blank range. Next week, I'm getting married. Keith would have been my best man. But he's not gonna be there, just like he didn't see my state championship or see my first novel published. Dan took all that. And he did it with malice and premeditation. Dan is an educated man and if he is nothing, he's very persuasive. Do not let him fool you. He has a very dark and ugly heart. And he should never be allowed to walk the streets a free man.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Dan Scott|Dan]]''': ''[to the judges]'' When I was 17 years old, I fell in love. Her name was Karen. And for a long time, she loved me back. We had a son, Lucas. But we never became the family we should have been. Instead my brother Keith assumed that role. And in my heart something died. I deserve to be in here. There's no excuse for the crime that I committed. And believe me when I tell you I spend every moment wishing I could take that fateful day back. Keith Scott is dead because of me. And that's something I have to live with for the rest of my life. So I'll just make one pledge here today. If at some time you decide to grant me my freedom, know that I'll spend every living moment trying to mend the lives of the people that I hurt by my actions. Because I've lost more than my freedom. I've lost something far more important than that. My family. These young men stand at the dawn of their adult lives. So far, because of what I put them through, they've had it pretty rough. They deserve better. They deserve a father. I hope some day you'll give them that.

=== ''You're Gonna Need Someone On Your Side'' [5.11] ===

:'''Owen''': ''[to Jamie]'' You helped me out, 'Whats under all the clothes, Brooke Davis?'
:'''[[w:James Lucas Scott|Jamie]]''': So did you find out?
:'''[[w:Brooke Davis|Brooke]]''': ''[shocked]'' And with that, boy time is over. ''[to Owen]'' Let's go.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lindsey''': Morning.
:'''[[w:Lucas Scott|Lucas]]''': Morning.
:'''Lindsey''': Poor Nathan.
:'''Lucas''': Yeah, I know. If I'd have known he'd be here for a week, I'd have cleared my mom's room
:'''Lindsey''': Have they even seen each other this week?
:'''Lucas''': No. I don't think they've spoken.
:'''Lindsey''': Right. Last thing I want Haley worrying about is throwing a bachelorette party when her marriage is strung.
:'''Lucas''': Skills could do it. I mean, he is so excited for my bachelor party.
:'''Lindsey''': Oh. That worries me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lucas''':''[voiceover]'' [[Albert Camus]] once wrote &quot;Blessed are the hearts that can bend; they shall never be broken.&quot; But I wonder if there's no breaking then there's no healing, and if there's no healing then there's no learning. And if there's no learning then there's no struggle. But struggle is a part of life. So must all hearts be broken?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lucas''': Hey. Look, I hope you don't feel too 'slided by the set-up.
:'''[[w:Haley James Scott|Haley]]''': To be honest, I kinda expected it from you guys, you being you and Lindsey. Your hearts are in the right place. You picked the right person to spend the rest of your life with, Luke.
:'''Lucas''': So did you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Haley''': Hi. I need to talk to you.
:'''Lucas''': Sure. Is everything okay?
:'''Haley''': No. You can't marry Lindsey.

=== ''Hundred'' [5.12] ===

:'''[[w:Antwon &quot;Skills&quot; Taylor|Skills]]''': So, what up, P. Sawyer? You got a plan?
:'''[[w:Peyton Sawyer|Peyton]]''': A plan for what?
:'''Skills''': To steal Lucas back. Oh, so I'm the only one thinking like that, huh? Ok, look. Here's the drill. When they say,'does anybody have any reason that this thing shouldn't go down?' Bam! That's you.
:'''[[w:Brooke Davis|Brooke]]''': They don't do that at real weddings, Skills.
:'''Skills''': They should, though. You know, that's good drama. Anyway. How about this? I say we drug Lindsey first, even though I love her. Then we throw you in the wedding gown, so when Lucas lift up the veil. Bam! It's on.
:'''Brooke''': Um, skills? That gown is tailor-made, so, no. And Peyton is gonna be okay.
:'''Skills''': Right. You know I love you, P. Sawyer, right? But, baby girl, you are so far from okay, man, you ain't even in the same area code. Wait. Maybe Lucas will say the wrong name on the altar just like Ross did on [[w:Friends|Friends]].
:'''Peyton''': Okay. How about this? How about Peyton puts on a nice dress, watches Lucas get married, gets wasted and has drunk, meaningless sex with some guy at the reception?
:'''Brooke''': Yes.
:'''Skills''': Hey, baby, I ever tell you how sexy you look in that dress? Maybe we should head in.
:'''Brooke''':''[To Skills]'' Behave, or I will smack you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Minister''': Lucas Eugene Scott, do you take Lindsey Evelyn Strauss to be your lawfully wedded wife? Do you...
:'''Peyton''': Lucas, you can't!
:'''Skills''': That's what I'm talking about!
:'''Peyton''': I'm sorry. I'm... I'm sorry, but you just... you can't, because I love you and because you fixed my car.
:'''Brooke''': Oh, boy.
:'''Peyton''': Remember that day? Because that day changed everything and I didn't know it at the time. But when you fixed my car, you fixed my heart. And when you proposed to me two years ago, I just wasn't ready. And I was lost and scared, so I said 'someday', but someday's now Luke, it is. Someday is now and I love you. Please don't leave me again. People always leave. ''[back to reality and as a voiceover]'' At least that's what I should have said, instead, I said nothing and he said:
:'''[[w:Lucas Scott|Lucas]]''': I do.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:James Lucas Scott|Jamie]]''': Hey Daddy, when you married Mama, was it your best day ever?
:'''[[w:Nathan Scott|Nathan]]''': Actually, I think the day I graduated high school was my best day ever.
:'''Jamie''': How come?
:'''Nathan''': Well...'cause that's the day you were born.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lindsay''': ''[reading from Lucas' second book]'' It was more than just a comet because of what it brought to his life: direction, beauty, meaning. There are many who couldn't understand, and sometimes he walked among them. But even in his darkest hours, he knew in his heart that someday it would return to him, and his world would be whole again... And his belief in God and love and art would be re-awakened in his heart. ''[drops the manuscript into her lap]''
:'''Lucas''': Linds.... It's just a story... So what, Peyton's car is a comet you know... This is crazy! I love you.
:'''Lindsay''': I love you too, Lucas, I do and I always will. But your heart's conflicted and... I think I've always known it. I guess I was hoping someday... I could be your comet. ''[Sets the manuscript aside]'' It's an epic love story, Luke. But it's just not ours. ''[Takes her ring off and puts it on the manuscript]'' And neither is this.
:'''Lucas''': Lindsay, please, you can't just leave.
:'''Lindsay''': People always leave Luke, you of all people should know that.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Peyton''': He said 'I do', Brooke. The minister asked if he would love and cherish Lindsey forever and he said 'I do'.
:'''Brooke''': Bitch you need to stop! Sorry... OK. Peyton, do you want to know why I came home? Besides to help you. I am 22 years old and I have made more money than I could ever hope to spend and I have never felt more alone in my life. You need to talk to him Peyton. Just talk to him. And if you let the fact that Lucas said 'I do' today to Lindsey while he was obviously lying to his own heart be the reason that you sit here and cry, I am gonna smack you across your pretty face. ''[she hugs Peyton]'' I want to have a baby.
:'''Peyton''': With me?
:'''Brooke''': No. I've spent four years working these endless hours to fill this void that all the success in the world is never gonna fill and I realized that what I actually want is to have a family.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lindsey''': It was a comet, Luke. The boy saw a comet.
:'''Lucas''': Okay...
:'''Lindsey''': The boy saw the comet and felt as though his life had meaning. And when it went away, he waited his entire life for it to come back to him.
:'''Lucas''': Lindsey I love you, but this isn't the time for a book review okay?
:'''Lindsey''': What was the first day you ever talked to Peyton?
:'''Lucas''': Lindsey...
:'''Lindsey''': Please.
:'''Lucas''': Her car broke down.
:'''Lindsey''': The boy saw the comet and suddenly his life had meaning. I'm sorry Lucas, I can't marry you.

=== ''Echoes, Silence, Patience, and Grace'' [5.13] ===

:'''[[w:Nathan Scott|Nathan]]''': I'm not good with being vulnerable, in fact this is probably the closest I've come to it, or the second closest.
:'''Olivia''': What was the first? 
:'''Nathan''': When I was a Junior, in High school I took some stuff to help me with my game, drugs and it was a stupid thing to do. I ended up collapsing on the court and my Dad was all about covering it up for the scouts. Anyway when I left the hospital I went to see Haley because I needed to know if she could forgive me, I wanted to see if I still had the chance to be great in her eyes, and when she did, when she forgave me- that was the moment that everything changed for me. That was the moment that I fell in love with her. This girl who could see past all the mistakes I have made. Now, I guess maybe sometimes I screw up because I want to feel that again. I suppose that sounds pretty broken...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Peyton Sawyer|Peyton]]''': My Mom used to sing to me, I don't think I've ever told anyone that before, it was like our little secret. But every night she'd come in and she'd tuck me in and she'd sing something, like lullaby's or album rock stuff. And after she was gone I remember lying in bed for the first time and just feeling silence, you know. Then realizing for the rest of my life that it was gone, all her songs were gone, her voice and the way it used to soothe me, just all of it. So I guess I tried to find new songs to fill that quiet, but none of them ever really have. Now she's gone and Mia's gone... and Luke is gone. There's just silence...There's just silence. I come in here and I sit in silence and hear the echoes of who we used to be. And so I wish for patience, and grace, and strength to just let him be happy. Mostly I pray for the strength to not make his life worse because of what I want. That's the toughest part, letting go, you know? That's the part of grace that really sucks.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Brooke Davis|Brooke]]''': ''[to the adoption agency woman]'' Do you know what my mother said to me when I told her I wanted to start a company? She said &quot;your chances are one in a million&quot; and I said &quot;Maybe I'm that one&quot; and she said &quot;you're not.&quot;. And she was wrong. And whatever she thought she saw in me was wrong... Because I am one in a million and there is a child out there who has something so special inside of them but whose life is miserable because they think that nobody wants them. And I could be a great mother to that child, no matter their age or race or sex. I could help them find what makes them special. And if you can't see that, then you're wrong, just like my mother. Why don't you go ahead and write that down?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Nathan Scott|Nathan]]''': It's quiet around here without Jamie.
:'''[[w:Haley James Scott|Haley]]''': Yeah, he's with Brooke, baby steps.
:'''Nathan''': How you sleeping these days?
:'''Haley''': So, so.  Jamie tosses around like a Tasmanian devil.
:'''Nathan''': He should probably get back to his own bed soon, the separation thing.  Or he could sleep in the spare bedroom with me.  You know, sometimes I find your goodness staggering.  I didn't get to tell you in the session, but your kindness is overwhelming, Haley. You saved my life. And if I haven't said it lately, you're also sexy as hell.  ''[She smiles and Nathan begins to walk away]''
:'''Haley''': Hey. I was thinking um...not sleeping in this bed, might not be too bad tonight if you wanted to try it with me.  ''[Nathan walks over, kisses her and then lays her down on the bed]'' Got anymore of that sexy talk?
:'''Nathan''': The kind stuff or the sexy stuff? 
:'''Haley''': Sexy.
:'''Nathan''': You have a serious ass Haley James. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Peyton''': Make a wish and place it in your heart.  Anything you want.  Everything you want. 
:'''[[w:Lucas Scott|Lucas]]''': Do you have it?  Good.  Now believe it can come true.  You never know where the next miracle is going to come from, the next smile.  The next wish come true.
:'''Peyton''': But if you believe that it is right around the corner.  And you open your heart and mind to the possibility of it.  To the certainty of it.
:'''Brooke''': You just might get the thing you're wishing for.
:'''Nathan''': The world is full of magic.  You just have to believe in it.  So make your wish.  Do you have it?
:'''Haley''': Good.  Now believe in it.  With all your heart.

=== ''What Do You Go Home To?'' [5.14] ===

:'''Quentin''': There he is! I said it's J. Luke Scott the boy is hot. Wherever he goes, homey, that's the spot.
:'''[[w:James Lucas Scott|Jamie]]''': His name is &quot;Q&quot; he's better than you. If the spot is hot then, he's there, too.
:'''[[w:Nathan Scott|Nathan]]''': I'm the dad and I'm not so bad. I...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Lucas Scott|Lucas]]''': Lindsey. She’s the first thing I think about everyday. How is she? Does she miss me like I miss her? How do I get her back? And then another day without her begins.
:'''[[w:Peyton Sawyer|Peyton]]''': Lucas
:'''Jamie''': Chester.
:'''[[w:Brooke Davis|Brooke]]''': Brooke. Oh My God, I have to pee!
:'''[[w:Antwon &quot;Skills&quot; Taylor|Skills]]''': What day is it? What time is it? What the hell did I drink last night?
:'''[[w:Marvin &quot;Mouth&quot; McFadden|Mouth]]''': Hm, Millicent, you smell so good. I have to go to work. Sure I guess I could be a little late. What do you mean I’m fired. I wasn’t even that late. How am I going to pay my rent? Would you like fries with that sir?
:'''Haley''': Jamie.
:'''Nathan''': Jamie. God my girl's hot.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lucas''': So you got her a purple monkey, huh? Just like you had.
:'''Brooke''': You remember that?
:'''Lucas''': Of course, I do know some things about you, Brooke Davis. And you’re gonna be a great mom.
:'''Brooke''': You think she’ll like the purple monkey?
:'''Lucas''': I think that she’s gonna love the girl that gives it to her.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chase''': Anyways, call me if you need anything, someone to talk to..move carpets..I don’t know, a husband?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dan''': ''[Voice over]'' It’s been said that the saddest thing a man will ever face is what might have been. But what of a man whose faced with what was? Or what may never be? Or what can no longer be? Choosing the right path is never easy. It’s a decision we make with only our hearts to guide us. But sometimes we find our way to something better. Sometimes we fight through the regret and remorse of our mistakes, our malice and our jealousy and the shame we feel for not being the people we were meant to be. And that’s when we find our way to something better. Or when something better finds its way to us.

=== ''Life Is Short'' [5.15] ===

:'''[[w:Haley James Scott|Haley]]''': Peyton are you really in love with Lucas or are you just in love with the idea of Lucas?
:'''[[w:Peyton Sawyer|Peyton]]''': If I'm being honest, maybe a little bit of both. I think I miss what I thought we would be.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Nathan Scott|Nathan]]''': Guess who i saw this morning!
:'''Haley''': I get the feeling I'm not gonna like this.
:'''Nathan''': Dan showed up at the gym!
:'''Haley''': Don't you find it creepy that your dad hangs out round a high school gym?
:'''Nathan''': He's Dan, it's all creepy! 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Lucas Scott|Lucas]]''': ''[Trying on a shirt and looking in the mirror]'' What do you think about this one? You think Lindsey will like it?
:'''Haley''': I think it's just like the other four shirts you tried on.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Antwon &quot;Skills&quot; Taylor|Skills]]''': These don't look like virgin underwear. ''[holding up Millicent's panties]''
:'''[[w:Marvin &quot;Mouth&quot; McFadden|Mouth]]''': Give me those!
:'''Skills''': I'm just saying if they belonged to my girl, she ain't gonna be no virgin no more.
:'''Mouth''': Dude shut up, and how do you even know about that?
:'''Skills''': Fergie.
:'''Mouth''': How did he know?
:'''Skills''': Junk, you know he tried to get with her right?.... ''[Mouth shocked]'' I'm just playing man, he overheard you two talking the other night! You know these walls are thin.
 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lucas''': Sometimes when you're young you think nothing can hurt you. It's like being invincible. Your whole life is ahead of you and you have big plans. Big Plans. To find your perfect match, the one who completes you. But as you get older you realize it's not always that easy. It's not until the end of your life that you realize how the plans you made where simply plans. Because at the end when you're looking back instead of forward you want to believe you made the most of what life gave you. You want to believe you're leaving something good behind. You want it all to have mattered.

=== ''Cryin' Won't Help You Know'' [5.16] ===

:'''[[w:Brooke Davis|Brooke]]''': And anyway, Angie is scared of her creepy Aunt Peyton, isn't she? Yes. We like Uncle Lucas better.
:'''[[w:Peyton Sawyer|Peyton]]''': Hey!
:'''Brooke''': I'm kidding. ''[To Angie]'' We're kidding, aren't we? Yes.
:'''Peyton''': I mean it is pretty great that he's helping out. Its kind of Mr. Mom, but its nice.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Lucas Scott|Lucas]]''': How's it going? Better?
:'''Brooke''': Yeah, I'm starting to get it down. She's sleeping through the night now.
:'''Lucas''': See? I told you you'd be a good mom.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Quentin''': You know I punched that dude for you!
:'''Nathan''': Oh come on. I've thrown a lot of punches and every last one was selfish. Now face it, Q. You punched that guy for you. Deal with it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Dan Scott|Dan]]''': So that's it..you're just going to make that decision?
:'''[[w:Nathan Scott|Nathan]]''': You made that decision for me, the moment you pulled that trigger.

=== ''Hate Is Safer Than Love '' [5.17] ===

:'''[[w:Antwon &quot;Skills&quot; Taylor|Skills]]''': You know what heals a broken heart more than anything?
:'''[[w:Lucas Scott|Lucas]]''': What?
:'''Skills''': ''[sniffs the air]'' Bacon. You smell that? Thank God for Millicent.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lucas''': Most of the time, love doesn't really need words.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mia''': So am I allowed to ask what's going on with you and Lucas? Or is that like saying '[[w:Voldemort|Voldemort]]'?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lucas''': Peyton, I hate you. I wish you'd never came back. You ruined my life.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jamie''': &quot;He Daddy! Knock, knock.&quot;
:'''Nathan''': &quot;Who´s there?&quot;
:'''Jamie''': &quot;Ya&quot;
:'''Nathan''': &quot;Ya who?&quot;
:'''Jamie''': &quot;Yahoo..&quot;

=== ''What Comes After The Blues'' [5.18] ===

:'''[[w:James Lucas Scott|Jamie]]''': ''[to Lucas]'' I think you drink too much.
:'''[[w:Lucas Scott|Lucas]]''': I think you're right.
:'''[[w:Nathan Scott|Nathan]]''': Damn, at least someone got thrown into a plate glass window. Dude, it seriously does smell like ass in here.
:'''Jamie''': And rotten cheese.
:'''Lucas''': Go away!
:'''Jamie''': Eugh, and bad breath.
:'''Lucas''': I said go away! ''[sits up]''
:'''Jamie''': ''[shocked]'' Whoah!
:'''Nathan''': ''[shocked]'' Holy crap!
:'''Lucas''': What?
:'''Nathan''': Have you seen your head?
:'''Lucas''': Not lately.
:'''Nathan''': You have a Mohawk.
:'''Lucas''': I do? 
:'''Jamie''': Awesome. Can I get one, daddy?
:'''Nathan''': Sure, if you wanna look goofy like your Uncle Lucas.
:'''Jamie''': Kinda like he has a tail, just on his head.
:'''Nathan''': Jamie, why don't go get Luke a bottle of water huh?.
:'''Jamie''': Okay.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Luke waves a towel near the door]''
:'''[[w:Haley James Scott|Haley]]''': Alright, all clear you goof!
:'''Lucas''': No Peyton?  
:'''Haley''': No, you need to apologize to her.
:'''Lucas''': Hey, remember all the water balloon battles we use to have up here?
:'''Haley''': Don’t change the subject. Actually now that you mention it, it was Junior Year the Boy Toy Auction, we had that water balloon fight up here and you saw my tattoo of Nathan’s jersey number for the first time.
:'''Lucas''': You mean your, slutty little tramp stamp?
:'''Haley''': I am so barely your friend right now.
:'''Lucas''': Sorry.
:'''Haley''': The point is, I was so scared that night, I was falling in love for the first time and I was so unsure and I did it. And while it hasn’t been easy, it has being everything. We’re not kids anymore Luke you know, it really hurts me what your doing.
:'''Lucas''': Lindsey said no Hales, I said yes.
:'''Haley''': Don’t give me that Luke. I’m being honest with you now right now and you need to be honest with yourself. What do you want? If Lindsey’s the girl your in love with great. If it’s Peyton, great and if it’s Brooke just please, stop hiding your heart. I mean it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Peyton Sawyer|Peyton]]''': Alright. How about, I hate you bitch you ruined my life. Does that do anything for ya?
:'''Haley''': ''[laughs]'' You know what, I do have some words for you, even though they're not mine. Lucas and I, we use to write our predictions every year, before the school year started. Sort of what we'd hope would happen.
:'''Peyton''': ''[groaning]'' Lame. 
:'''Haley''': You know you're jealous.
:'''Peyton''': Kind of.
:'''Haley''': Anyway, I'm gonna violate my friendship rule here because your at like code red. ''[Haley reads Luke's predictions]'' Peyton Sawyer will become Peyton Scott, that was like 8th grade.  
:'''Peyton''': Haley.. 
:'''Haley''': He got a little cocky sophomore year. ''[continues reading Luke's predictions]'' Make out with Peyton Sawyer or more. Take Peyton Sawyer to a movie. This year I'll talk to Peyton Sawyer. Try again with Brook- Brooke Davis. ''[Haley and Peyton laugh]'' Well that.. you know this is how much he doesn't hate you, it's a whole lifetimes worth.
:'''Peyton''': I know, I know.. that's what he writes. But what he says is a totally different story.
:'''Haley''': Sometimes people write the things that they can't say.
:'''Peyton''': Yeah.. you know Ellie once told me not to be afraid of the music, just cause it might end. Thanks Haley, you really are a good friend. And I am so happy I never shared any of my secrets with you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Haley''': ''[To Lucas]'' You know that romantic notion that all the garbage and the pain is really healing and beautiful and sort of poetic? It’s not. It’s just garbage and it’s pain. You know what’s better? Love. The day that you start thinking that love is overrated is the day that you’re wrong. The only thing wrong with love and faith and belief is not having it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lucas''': I don't hate you. I remember the first time I ever saw you, all skinny arms and tangled mess of hair. It was hard letting you go Peyton. You know? It was hard losing you and it was hard seeing you again and it's still really hard.
:'''Peyton''': I know. While I'm asleep, I have this dream where we're back in that hotel room in LA and you proposed to me and every single time I say &quot;yes&quot;.
:'''Lucas''': It's just a dream, right?
:'''Peyton''': It's my dream.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lucas is dialing a number from his phone ... Peyton, Brooke and Lindsey all pick up theirs]'':
:'''Peyton''': Hello?
:'''Brooke''': Hello?
:'''Lindsey''': Hello?
:'''Lucas''': Hey, it's me. Look, I'm at the airport. I've got two tickets to Las Vegas. Do you wanna get married tonight?

==Cast==
* [[w:James Lafferty|James Lafferty]] - [[w:Nathan Scott|Nathan]] 
* [[w:Bethany Joy Galeotti|Bethany Joy Galeotti]] - [[w:Haley James Scott|Hayley]]
* [[w:Sophia Bush|Sophia Bush]] - [[w:Brooke Davis|Brooke]]
* [[w:Jackson Brundage|Jackson Brundage]] - Jamie
* [[w:Austin Nichols|Austin Nichols]] - Julian
* [[w:Robert Buckley|Robert Buckley]] - Clay
* [[w:Shantel VanSanten|Shantel VanSanten]] - Quinn
* [[w:Lee Norris|Lee Norris]] - Mouth
* [[w:Lisa Goldstein (actress)|Lisa Goldstein]] - Millie
* [[w:Jana Kramer|Jana Kramer]] - Alex 
 
===Former Cast===
* [[w:Chad Michael Murray|Chad Michael Murray]] - [[w:Lucas Scott|Lucas]]
* [[w:Hilarie Burton|Hilarie Burton]] - [[w:Peyton Sawyer|Peyton]]


----
:'''Season''' [[One Tree Hill (Season 1)|1]] [[One Tree Hill (Season 2)|2]] [[One Tree Hill (Season 3)|3]] [[One Tree Hill (Season 4)|4]] [[One Tree Hill (Season 5)|5]] [[One Tree Hill (Season 6)|6]] [[One Tree Hill (Season 7)|7]] [[One Tree Hill (Season 8)|8]] [[One Tree Hill (Season 9)|9]]
----
[[Category:One Tree Hill seasons]]</text>
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      <comment>Abolish money</comment>
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* [[Abolish money]]
* [[Alex Shvartsman]]
* [[Johnston McCulley]]
* [[Dan Jones (writer)]]
* ''[[The Age of American Unreason]]''
* [[Émile Lahoud]]
* [[Seals &amp; Crofts]]
* [[Chip Taylor]]
* [[Alexandra Botez]]
* [[August Ames]]
* [[Gracie Abrams]]
* [[Ejae]]
* [[Tom Sweterlitsch]]
* [[Alia Bhatt]]
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&lt;div class=&quot;plainlinks&quot; style=&quot;text-align:center&quot;&gt;A partial listing of some [[Special:NewPages|new pages]] ([http://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Main_Page/New_pages&amp;action=edit add])&lt;/div&gt;
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  <page>
    <title>SummerSlam</title>
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      <text bytes="99831" sha1="lwsvw5y7wtejn2e1v06tv5uhvuk3aap" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:SummerSlam|SummerSlam]]''' is a [[w:WWE|WWE]] [[w:Pay Per View|Pay Per View]] held every August since 1988. It is regarded as the second biggest show of the year behind [[w:WrestleMania|WrestleMania]]. The first SummerSlam was held August 29, 1988 at [[w:Madison Square Garden|Madison Square Garden]].

== [[w:SummerSlam (1988)|1988]] ==

:'''Howard Finkel''': Ladies and gentlemen...our opening contest is a tag team bout, scheduled for one fall.  Currently in the ring to my left, hailing from Montreal, Quebec, Canada, but SOON to relocate in the United States, at a total combined weight of 474 lbs...here are Jacques and Raymond, the Fabulous Rougeau Brothers.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Honky Tonk Man''' : Get me somebody out here to wrestle, I don't care who it is.
:'''Superstar Billy Graham''' : Ho ho ho. Don't say that, my man. There are some people in that locker room who would take this man apart.
:'''Gorilla Monsoon''': We're all waiting here with anticipation as for who the opponent will be. Well, maybe we haven't got an opponent.
:'''Billy''': Well, maybe we have an opponent, or maybe he's still lacing up his boots. Who knows, man.
:'''Gorilla''': ''[as familiar theme music plays]'' Wait a minute, wait a minute. Somebody's music.
:'''Billy''': That's familiar music, brother!
:'''Gorilla''': They've exploded here in the Garden! I don't see anybody yet!
:'''Howard''': ''[as the Ultimate Warrior runs to the ring and goes right after the Honky Tonk Man]'' Here is the challenger, weighing...
:''[Howard jumps out as the match begins]''
:'''Gorilla''': It's the Ultimate Warrior!
:'''Billy''': One man on the attack!
:'''Gorilla''': This place has gone bananas!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Gorilla''': Ultimate Warrior exploding here on the Honky Tonk Man. Beautiful flying tackle. The bell has gone and it's officially underway.
:'''Billy''': Warrior doesn't know what to do, he's so excited!
:''[Warrior knocks Honky Tonk Man down]''
:'''Gorilla''': The title definitely up for grabs here.
:'''Billy''': Oh, we could get a new champion right now, Gorilla Monsoon! Right now, brother, we could get a new champion!
:'''Gorilla''': ''[as Warrior hits a splash]'' Big splash here, hooks the leg... ''[Dave Hebner counts to three]'' It's over! History has been made here!
:'''Billy''': I love it! I love it!
:'''Gorilla''': Look at this place gone bananas!
:'''Billy''': Pandemonium is running wild in Madison Square Garden, my man!
:'''Gorilla''': History once again made here in Madison Square Garden!
:'''Howard''': The winner of this contest...and NEW Intercontinental Champion: The Ultimate Warrior!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Sean Mooney''': It is a different story here in the locker room of the Ultimate Warrior, the new Intercontinental Champion, and Warrior, you are now a champion in the World Wrestling Federation.
:'''Ultimate Warrior''': Honky Tonk Man, you thought it was like something out of a comic book, brother, but we're talking about real life! I was sitting in Parts Unknown waiting for the next spaceship to higher planes, and the lightning bolts came down from the sky, and the warriors spoke! They said &quot;make it to the Garden.&quot; Well, the Ultimate Warrior showed, and Honky Tonk Man, you gave the challenge, and the Ultimate Warrior and the little Warriors with all the painted faces rose to the challenge, and they conquered! I'm taking all the little Warriors through all the darkness and the pain! And Honky Tonk Man, if you want a piece of me, or anybody thinks they can take on the Warriors, I'm not hard to find. I'll be on the next spaceship to Parts Un...KNOWN!!!

== [[w:SummerSlam (1989)|1989]] ==

[Mean Gene is set to conduct an interview with Ravishing Rick Rude and Bobby Heenan]
:'''Mean Gene Okerlund''': Gentlemen, as you know the Ultimate Warrior-- ''(the SummerSlam sign falls off behind them.)''
:'''Vince McMahon''': Nice move.
:'''Gene''': Fuck it!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Ravishing Rick Rude''': What I'd like to have right now is for all you fat, out-of-shape SummerSlam sweathogs...
:'''Jesse &quot;The Body&quot; Ventura''': Ha ha ha!
:'''Tony Schiavone''': You like that?
:'''Jesse''': He's talking to you, Schiavone!
:'''Rick''': ...keep the noise down while I take my robe off and show the ladies what a ''real'' sexy man looks like.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The Ultimate Warrior has press slammed Rick Rude from the ring to the floor]''
:'''Jesse''': There was no call for that! The name of this sport is Wrestling. You wrestle inside the ring. This guy is a lunatic, I don't like him, he goes by his own rules, he don't listen to nothing.
:'''Tony''': But Jesse, he's bought all this on himself. With Bobby Heenan pulling the leg, with Andre the Giant trying to choke out the Ultimate Warrior, you gotta expect a guy like the Warrior to take matters into your own hands.
:'''Jesse''': And that means out to the floor. ''[Ultimate Warrior grabs the IC title and hits Rick Rude in the back with it]'' Hitting him with the belt?! This should be a disqualfication! That's an disqualfication!! Where is the hell the referee?!
:'''Tony''': That's outside of the ring Jesse.
:'''Jesse''': So what?!
:'''Tony''': As much as it can just be a countout here.
:'''Jesse''': What are you going to tell me Schiavone? You can shoot somebody outside the ring? As long as it's outside the ring? You know, you're even dumber than Monsoon! I thought Monsoon was the stupidest guy alive.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Howard Finkel''': Ladies and gentlemen, at this time, I am pleased to announce that we have a very special guest. A surprise ring announcer, let's welcome Rugged Ronnie Garvin!
:'''Jesse''': What?!
:'''Tony''': Ho ho ho! What about that Jesse?
:'''Jesse''': What is the purpose of this? The guy gets banned from refereeing, he gets banned from wrestling, now he's going to be a ring announcer?
:'''Tony''': Well I think we better hear what he has to say. Why not?
:'''Rugged Ronnie Garvin''': Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall.
:'''Tony''': He does a good job.
:'''Jesse''': He's reading cue cards.
:'''Tony''': Well, there's nothing wrong with that.
:'''Garvin''': Coming down the aisle, weighing 275 pounds, the Mighty Hercules!
:'''Tony''': The fans on their feet. As Rugged Ronnie Garvin makes the announcement, the Mighty Hercules making his way to the ring and quite personally Jesse, I can't wait to hear this introduction from Rugged Ronnie Garvin.
:'''Jesse''': It ought to be interesting.
:'''Garvin''': His so called opponent,
:'''Jesse''': &quot;So called opponent&quot;?
:'''Tony''': Well, that's an opinion.
:'''Garvin''': coming to the ring with that little pip squeak, poor excuse of a manager. The big mouth of the south, Jimmy Hart. Here's a man who says he's from Seattle Washington. He claims to weigh 249 pounds. To me, he looks like he's overweight by 30 pounds!
:'''Jesse''': How dare him do that as an announcer!
:'''Garvin''': This individual who can't think for himself and when he goes to his wimpy manager for advice, little Jimmy can't give him any!
:'''Jesse''': I think Ronnie Garvin's a punk!
:'''Garvin''': He's the only wrestler I've seen with two left feet! Wears a robe with cheap rhinestones! Can't tell whether he's coming or going! Made the biggest mistake of his life when he asked for me to be reinstated, Greg &quot;The Hammer&quot; Valentine!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Genius''': From the Meadowlands Arena to the multitudes beyond, I, The Genius, full of glory and renown
:Share my wondrous words of wisdom with the SummerSlam spectacular to validate my mortar board and gown.
:Brutus Beefcake and Hulk Hogan shall be running for their lives, the highest card they're holding is a deuce.
:They are totally unqualified to match the royal flush that shall be coming from the Macho Man and Zeus.
:&quot;Scary Sherri&quot; is the term that Brutus Beefcake used in slander, and he had the nerve to call her overdressed.
:That's when the Barber got a trim that wasn't on the schedule, because Sherri is a cut above the rest.
:On the other hand, Elizabeth is absolutely useless, she is less than just another pretty face. 
:When you add the unknown factor of the Human Wrecking Machine, tonight the Hulk shall be in second place!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Tony''': And Jesse Ventura, there is a power stronger than Zeus and it's called Hulkamania!
:'''Jesse''': Yeah sure Schiavone. It's called foreign object, that's what it's called. Hogan had to use an illegal foreign object to win this match. And if that's what the Hulkamaniacs advocate, well they can stick it!
:'''Tony''': (to Sensational Sherri) Well it's back to the cauldron for you young lady.
:'''Jesse''': And then, to top it all off, Hogan has to beat up a woman!
:'''Tony''': (to Elizabeth) Well Jesse, there's a real woman for you right there.
:'''Jesse''': There's a gold digger right there.

== [[w:SummerSlam (1990)|1990]] ==

:'''Sean Mooney''': Now, Mr. Perfect, it was less than ten days ago that you accepted the challenge from the [[w:Kerry Von Erich|Texas Tornado]] to defend the Intercontinental Championship. Have you ever prepared for a title defense on such short notice?
:'''Mr. Perfect''': To be perfectly honest with you, I haven't. You see, being absolutely ''perfect'' does have its problems, because when you're a ''perfect'' Intercontinental Champion, challengers are few and far between. And let's face it, I'm perfect in every way — the perfect body, the perfect mind, and the perfect record.
:'''Mooney''': Mr. Perfect, is it wise to accept a challenge from someone you know so little about?
:'''Bobby &quot;The Brain&quot; Heenan''': Wait a minute, pal, I'll handle this one. You see, I know a lot about this Texas Tornado, because if you've seen one, you've seen 'em all. And you know why they call you the Texas Tornado? Because you've got your head in the clouds, and if you've got your head in the clouds, pal, you don't have your feet on the ground! You see, a Texas tornado never really does any damage, because you can spot one coming a mile away. Sure, they may look ferocious, but all they're really good for is kicking up some dust and ''(laughing)'' maybe turning over a few mobile homes in some hick trailer park on the Panhandle.
:'''Perfect''': Remember this! Nobody beats Mr. Perfect!
:'''Perfect and Bobby''': Nobody.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
(''Mr. Perfect loses the Intercontinental title to the Texas Tornado)''
:'''Roddy Piper''': I'm sorry, what was the name of the guy who just ''lost'' again?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Mean Gene Okerlund''': With me now, Sensational Queen Sherri.
:'''Sensational Queen Sherri''': You mean ''victorious'' Sensational Queen Sherri.
:'''Gene''': Well, yes, but you're not gonna gloat like that.
:'''Sherri''': Listen, Mean Gene. When you are so good that you intimidate your opponent to the point where they don't even show up because they know that they'll take a sensational beating, you can gloat all you want.
:'''Gene''': Well, I suppose, but Queen Sherri, there's something peculiar going on around here as it relates to Sweet Sapphire. It's almost if she vanished into thin air. There were earlier sightings of Sapphire, but I don't know what's happened to her, I really don't.
:'''Sherri''': &quot;Earlier sightings&quot;? What is she, a UFO?! But you're right, a lot of people did see Sapphire earlier this afternoon, and I'm beginning to think that maybe she's not so dumb after all.
:'''Gene''': What do you mean?
:'''Sherri''': First of all, she was smart enough not to show up and take a beating in her match with me; second, I heard a few rumors a minute ago. She may be the smartest person in the WWF.
:'''Gene''': Rumors? What rumors?
:'''Sherri''': ''[laughing hysterically]'' Well...this is too good to be true!
:'''Gene''': Sensational Queen Sherri, I fail to see what's so funny about a missing person.
:'''Sherri''': I said she was missing, I didn't say anything about her being a person.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mooney''': Jake, it's well-founded that Bad News Brown is afraid of snakes. The question remains, are you afraid of sewer rats?
:'''Jake &quot;The Snake&quot; Roberts''': You know, my man, they don't call me the Snake for nothing, because Damian and I, we have a lot in common. But how about you, Bad News? You hang around with sewer rats. What does that say about you? But to answer your question, Sean, I'm not afraid of rats, no, because I don't have to be. You see, Damian here is really hungry. Yeah I know, Bad News says he hasn't fed his rats for weeks, and they must have a voracious appetite. But what I want to know, Bad News, is just how hungry are you? Because that's exactly what it's going to come down to—hunger. And hunger, that, Bad News, is what separates a man like me from a mouse like you.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mean Gene''': Hulk Hogan, hot on the heels of victory at SummerSlam tonight! What a powerhouse of a match between you and Earthquake, but I don't know, Hulk, if it's been settled.
:'''Hulk Hogan''': You know somethin', Mean Gene? The only thing left to do, brother, is to kickstart my Wide Glide, hang onto the Ape Hangers, and with the largest arms in the world, man, ride right up to Jack Tunney's office, brother! Let him know that the Hulkamaniacs realize they're still the stronger power in the world, brother! And Jack Tunney, I just want you to know, dude. They're building new buildings all around the country. New York City, Los Angeles, Chicago, Africa, Asia, North Pole, South Pole, and all points in between, brother! And the new buildings, Mean Gene, they're Earthquake-proof, brother!
:'''Mean Gene''': Earthquake-proof?
:'''Hulk''': Yes! Earthquake-proof! Because I'm gonna take this big, fat dude, and I'm gonna drag him all the way around the country, brother! I'm gonna beat him in each and every arena until Jack Tunney puts me right back where I belong—in the #1 contender's spot, brother.
:'''Mean Gene''': Well, Hulk Hogan, with all due respect, I think you're there already, I'll tell you what. A strong, strong outing for you against this mammoth, Earthquake.
:'''Hulk''': Well, you know something, Mean Gene? I felt the love of the Hulkamaniacs, brother. The 400,000 cards and letters in just a few short weeks prove, man, that this thing's gonna last forever. And now, Hulkamaniacs, this is the decade of the little Hulksters, brother. And now, there are four Demandments. Four Demandments—train, say your prayers, eat your vitamins, and believe in yourself, brother. If you believe in yourself like you made me believe in myself, you can get anything you want!
:And now, I'm getting a new 9-foot gun made, brother! A brand new surfboard with a 2 1/2 foot skeg, and I'm gonna go out to Venice Beach, and I'm gonna chase each and every shark I can find! And when I find the biggest wave I can find, I'm gonna catch that title wave, brother—I said ''title'' wave—and I'm gonna ride it right to the top! Whatcha gonna do, WWF, Earthquake, and Jack Tunney, and anybody else in my way?!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Ultimate Warrior''': Do you know what Ravishing Rick Rude and Bobby Heenan have in common with the Liberty Bell?
:'''Gene''': No, what?
:'''Warrior''': One is cracked, and the other is a ding dong.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Ravishing Rick Rude''': What I'd like to have right now is for all you fat, out-of-shape Pennsylvania piss-ants, keep the noise down while I take my robe off and give you a good look at the next World Wrestling Federation Champion.

== [[w:SummerSlam (1991)|1991]] ==

:'''Bobby &quot;The Brain&quot; Heenan''': If your parents were here Piper, they wouldn't let you know that you were gone.
:'''Rowdy Roddy Piper''': I'm not going to kill you for that remark, Boobs. I'll let you live with it for the next two and a half hours.
:'''Bobby''': I heard a rumor that your mom and dad ran away from home.
:'''Gorilla Monsoon''': Will you stop?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Bobby''': You know, Piper used to come home from school and find out that his parents had moved.
:'''Gorilla''': Will you stop?! I'm not going to tell you again or you'll be out of here.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Gorilla''': Concerned look on the face of Stu and Helen Hart.
:'''Bobby''': You know why they're concerned? They snuck in! They scared the usher away.
:'''Gorilla''': Will you be serious?!
:'''Roddy''': Stop it now Bobby!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Bobby''': Don't do it Perfect! Don't touch that ref!
:'''Gorilla''': Why? Disqualifcation will save his title.
:'''Bobby''': All right then nail him!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Gorilla''': ''[as Bret blocks a legdrop from Mr. Perfect]'' Nice block there, that move. Oh, he's got that hold half-applied on the canvas! He's turning him over!
:'''Roddy''': Beautiful counter!
:'''Bobby''': The Sharpshooter!
:'''Gorilla''': ''[as Hebner calls for the bell]'' He's got it!
:'''Roddy''': HE GOT IT!
:'''Bobby''': NO! NO!
:'''Gorilla''': We've got a new champion!
:'''Roddy''': We've got a new champion!
:'''Bobby''': NO!
:'''Roddy''': ALRIGHT!
:'''Howard''': The winner of this bout and NEW Intercontinental Champion: Bret &quot;Hitman&quot; Hart!
:''[Perfect kicks Bret once. Bret tears off Perfect's singlet as Perfect falls out on the ring]'' 
:'''Gorilla''': The new Intercontinental Champion, Bret &quot;The Hitman&quot; Hart!
:'''Roddy''': Tear it off, Bret! Tear it off, man!
:'''Gorilla''': Look at Perfect, he's hurt. He wants out of there!
:'''Roddy''': We've got us a new champeen! [''sic'']
:'''Gorilla''': And he deserves it! This place is going bananas!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Bobby''': With Butch, Luke and Andre in there...which one is Larry, Darryl, and Darryl?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Bobby is going to Hulk Hogan's dressing room with the NWA world title in his hands.]''
:'''Bobby''': Come on dummy, I don't have all day, I'm a busy man. Right here is the dressing room. Of the WWF champion Hulk Hogan. And I'm going to embarrass him and see what kind of a man he really is. ''[knocks on Hogan's door]'' Come on Hogan, open up! Wait till you see this. ''[Hogan opens the door.]'' On behalf of the real world's champion, Ric Flair, I would like to challenge you, Hogan. At any time any place - ''[Hogan slams the door.]'' Who do you think you're embarrassing?! You wouldn't do that if Ric Flair was standing here! You hear-- You hear me?! Turn that camera off. Turn that damn thing off!
:'''Gorilla''': Oh I love it!
:'''Roddy''': That's not the first door he's had slammed in his face. That's why he ain't married.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''[[w:Jacques Rougeau|The Mountie]]''': This is the way it's going to happen Mean Gene Okerlund. After I've done, beat your fat mug Boss Man, these little local hick cops are going to grab you and they're going to handcuff your hands. And they're going to take you and, I don't want you gentlemen to do it the New York style. I want gentlemen toto do it the Mountie kind of justice! If he fights back, I want you to drag him through these halls. And once we get back here, we wanna tan him in this little old paddy wagon. And once he get in here, it'll be your job to shackle his ankles, make sure he doesn't run away, shut the doors and throw the key away and bring him to that local New York caboose house. And we'll see you there Boss Man!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Bobby''': We are about to find out who the real law and order is. And I believe it's the man in the red shirt. ''[The Mountie]''
:'''Roddy''': Well I believe it's the man in the blue shirt. ''[The Big Boss Man]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Bobby''': I'm going to get the Boss Man a pack of cigarettes.
:'''Gorilla''': Are you leaving again?
:'''Bobby''': Yes, I'm going to take him some cigarettes.
:'''Gorilla''': What do you mean take him some cigarettes? He doesn't even smoke!
:'''Bobby''': No but he's going to need them to bribe the screws.
:'''Gorilla''': Will you stop?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Bobby''': Come on Boss Man, get up! It's six o clock in the morning. Here's your cup of coffee and your one cigarette.
:'''Roddy''': Oh you know what time they get up in the pokey do you?
:'''Bobby''': I watched Police Story in Colombo.
:'''Gorilla''': I think he's speaking from personal experience.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[the cops lead the Mountie to take pictures.]''
:'''The Mountie''': You guys think you're tough guys? Give me my shock stick! Aaah! No, no! You're not taking my pictures! Nooooo! You're not taking my pictures! (Hides his face with his arms.)
:'''Photographer''': So I heard the Boss Man kicked your butt, huh?
:'''The Mountie''': ''[looks up]'' What the?! ''[Photographer snaps the picture]'' No!! You're not taking my pictures!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[the cops lead the Mountie to the fingerprinting area.]''
:'''The Mountie''': No! You can't do this to me! You can't-- Aaaah! No! You're not taking my fingerprints! I'm not giving it to you!
:'''Cop''': Come on, give me your finger!
:'''The Mountie''': You want the finger?! ''[flips off the cop]'' Here's the finger! ''[They start fingerprinting the Mountie.]'' Yeow! Ouch! Yeow! Don't do that! I'm the Mountie! You can't fingerprint me!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Sean Mooney''': It looks as though the Mountie is a bit outnumbered and Sgt. Slaughter, I'm sure you can attest to that going 3 against 2 into the Match Made in Hell.
:'''Sgt. Slaughter''': What do you mean outnumbered, pukeface? You piece of human scum! Outnumbered?! We're not the ones that are going to be outnumbered. It's the Ultimare Warrior and Hulk Hogan that are going to be outnumbered. Why they're going to be outnumbered before the match even starts. Take a look at the Ultimate Puke. He still looks a little snakebit to me. Ha ha ha ha. And the Immortal Slime Hulk Hogan got a gash in his head. Lost about six gallons of blood. Ha ha ha ha. In fact, it's going to be a lot easier than we thought. In fact, we just may have one more surprise tonight in the match made in hell!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Roddy''': I hope Slaughter keeps getting back up so that Hogan can keep knocking him down.
:'''Bobby''': You must really hate the man.
:'''Roddy''': I do!
:'''Gorilla''': I suppose you like a traitor. Aren't you an American?
:'''Bobby''': Yes.
:'''Gorilla''': Well this guy turned his back on his country! Would you do that? Maybe you would.
:'''Bobby''': My favorite show is The Price Is Right.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The Mountie continues to rant inside his cell]''
:'''The Mountie''': Let me out, Jimmy Hart, I WANT TO HAVE A PHONE CALL!! ''[an inmate comes to him]''
:'''Inmate 1''': You want to fight me?
:'''The Mountie''': Get out of here!
:'''Inmate 1''': There's your buddy! ''[points to a mustachioed man in biker outfit approaching The Mountie]''
:'''Inmate 2''': Hi.
:'''The Mountie''': ''[senses that the guy is gay]'' Oh my God!
:'''Inmate 2''': Don't you just love the way leather feels against your body?
:'''The Mountie''': ''[retreats to another part of the cell]'' LET ME OUTTA HERE!! LET ME OUTTA HERE!!

== [[w:SummerSlam (1992)|1992]] ==

:'''Vince McMahon''': What are you doing with that ridiculous-looking crown on?
:'''Bobby &quot;The Brain&quot; Heenan''': Well, you little stupid peasant, I happen to be Sir Bobby, the King of England.
:'''Vince''': [[Henry VIII]] would be rolling over in his grave, Bobby &quot;the Brain&quot; Heenan, if he could see this! Nonetheless, the only thing royal about you is you're a royal pain; and speaking of a pain, in whose corner is Mr. Perfect really going to be in — the Ultimate Warrior's, or is going to be in the corner of the Macho Man?
:'''Bobby''': WOOOOOOOOOO!!!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': I hate to say it, but the Bushwhackers are a lot prettier than some of the women I've seen here.
:'''Vince''': Would you please stop that?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''[[w:Mike Rotunda|Irwin R. Schyster]]''': It's a well-known fact that if you British tax cheats would pay your fair share, you wouldn't put the burden on the royal family!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': I'm not sure Hawk even knows where he's at right now. Whether it be London, England, or Des Moines, Iowa, he hasn't got a clue.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mean Gene Okerlund''': With me at this is the former World Wrestling Federation Champion, the man who was disgruntled the moment they announced the main event for SummerSlam, for it was he who felt ''he'' should be the #1 contender to face the Macho Man Randy Savage. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the &quot;Nature Boy&quot; Ric Flair.
:'''Ric Flair''': Rest assured, little man, it was not I alone disgruntled over the fact that the great Ric Flair was denied his opportunity to regain the World Wrestling Federation Championship right here at SummerSlam. After all, when you're talking about the brights lights and the big cities, you gotta be talking London, England. And when you're talking Summerslam, and when you're talking the World Wrestling Federation, you gotta be talking Ric Flair! Woo!
:'''Mean Gene''': Ric Flair, I couldn't help but notice you're wearing your robe and your wrestling attire. What's going on here?
:'''Ric''': It's because anybody that knows anything about Ric Flair knows that he stays ready for any kind of action.
:'''Mean Gene''': And speaking of action, Ric Flair, one man we know is going to be seeing action tonight is your executive consultant, Mr. Perfect, for it's public knowledge he's gonna be in the corner of either the Macho Man Randy Savage or the Ultimate Warrior. As a matter of fact, I saw you and Mr. Perfect show up outside of Wembley Stadium earlier today in a long limosuine, Ric Flair. You two have been embroiled in this controversy of the main event since the day it was announced. As a matter of fact, this match may end up going down in history as the most controversial match in World Wrestling Federation history.
:Now then, Ric Flair, I'm gonna put you on the spot. In whose corner will Mr. Perfect be tonight? ''[Ric leans in to answer, but laughs]'' Oh, come on, is it gonna be the Macho Man? ''[Another tease]'' Don't do this to me. Is it gonna be the Ultimate Warrior? ''[Another tease]'' Ric Flair, enough is enough. Like the great Winston Churchill once said, &quot;now is the time!&quot; And ''now'' is the time we demand to know the whereabouts of Mr. Perfect for SummerSlam!
:'''Ric''': Why, he's in the dressing room.
:'''Mean Gene''': But ''whose'' dressing room?!
:'''Ric''': The dressing room of the winner! Who else?! WOO!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Shawn Michaels and Rick Martel have attempted a series of rolling cradles all involving pulling the others tights]''
:'''Vince''': There are more moons here in London, England, than there are on any other planet!
:'''Bobby''': I've never seen so many smiles in all my life.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''The Genius''': From the home of the Olympic Games of 1948
:And the World Cup of 1966. I know the date
:Now at SummerSlam at Wembley, and the Genius holds the key
:Behold the future champions, the Brothers Beverly
:'''Vince''': He's no William Shakespeare, that's for sure.
:'''Bobby''': He's a genius!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Vince''': All Typhoon has to do is sit up and tag his partner.
:'''Bobby''': You're asking a lot for Typhoon to do a situp.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': ''[on the foam fingers in the audience]'' I remember when I used to walk to the ring, McMahon, and people used to hold up one finger.
:'''Vince''': That was a different kind of salute.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mean Gene''': Alright, this is the SummerSlam you thought you'd never see. And there was an incident out there tonight that I thought I would n... What the hell were you trying to pull?! There was no deal!
:'''Mr. Perfect''': You just be quiet, little man! There was a deal, all right!
:'''Mean Gene''': There was not a deal!
:'''Mr. Perfect''': It was a done deal between Ric Flair and Mr. Perfect. A lot of people might think that other deal didn't go down. Not a chance. That was Plan A, and now, Plan B, little man divot-head, is in full charge. Plan B, champ, tell him the way it is.
:'''Mean Gene''': Oh, come on, this has got to be...
:'''Ric''': I should've had the shot to begin with! Not the Ultimate Warrior! But now, you ask the Warrior what he wants in life! Well, it's gonna be me, and baby, I'm waiting on you! Plan A, maybe that slipped by. But now, we're looking at Plan B! And baby, the way I see it, the two most perfect men alive today are this gentleman and myself!
:'''Mean Gene''': You two men, this is an absolute sham in the World Wrestling Federation!
:'''Mr. Perfect''': Is my bowtie straight, champ?
:'''Ric''': You are a killer, brother. You are a killer! In closing, let me tell the whole world and especially one man something. Savage, that belt is coming back to me!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Sean Mooney''': Davey Boy Smith, you have got to be feeling enormous pressure going into this contest for the Intercontinental Championship. You’ll be stepping into the ring with your brother-in-law. Obviously, this match has torn both sides of the family apart. First of all, your thoughts on the family pressures you are facing now.
:'''British Bulldog''': Well, I’m facing a lot of pressures in the family, Sean. But I didn’t make this match, Jack Tunney made this match. But the British Bulldog has fought hard for two long years to be the #1 contender for the Intercontinental belt. Yes, Bret, you are the Intercontinental Champion. Yes, Bret, you are my brother-in-law. But when I step in the ring with you, Bret, I never met you. I don’t even know you. But at the end of the match, I just hope the families reunite.
:'''Sean''': British Bulldog, that brings me to my second point, one that may even bring even more pressure on you—the fact that you will be stepping out into that stadium in front of 80,000 of your fellow countrymen.
:'''Bulldog''': Sean, that isn’t a pressure. That’s a dream for the British Bulldog. And my second dream is, at the end of the match, the British Bulldog will be the next World Wrestling Federation Intercontinental Champion.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mean Gene''': Well, I’ve got to agree with my broadcast colleague, Sean Mooney. Indeed, there is a great deal of pressure for this Intercontinental title bout. However, the pressure for the champion—you, Bret &quot;The Hitman” Hart—much different than the pressure on the challenger, the British Bulldog. For him to win this coveted title, he must either make you submit or get the pinfall 1-2-3 in the center of the ring. And then, of course, there’s the question of the family pressure.
:'''Bret &quot;Hitman&quot; Hart''': Well, let me tell you something, Gene. As far as family pressure goes, I’ve proven that I work real well under pressure. But you know something that really bugs me, that really irks me, is the British Bulldog actually has the gall to come out here and say that when he steps in the ring with me, that he’s never met me, that he doesn’t know me. Well, let me tell you something, British Bulldog. Take a good look at my face and look me in the eye and tell me you don’t know me. Do you remember that far back, British Bulldog, when I was the one that introduced you to my sister Diana in the first place. And as far as your career in the World Wrestling Federation, I’m the one that helped you the most. You wouldn’t be where you are in the World Wrestling Federation if it wasn’t for me. Talk about gratitude.
:You know, the British Bulldog forgets he’s the one that wanted to challenge me, he’s the one responsible for all the family tension, he’s the one that wanted a shot at the gold. Well, you know something, the British Bulldog...he wanted the big fight? He’s got the big fight. And as far as his big dream...you know what I think of his big dream? This big dream of his of winning the World Wrestling Federation Intercontinental Title in front of 80,000 of his compatriots? Well, you know, I think this big dream of his is gonna turn into a nightmare. And then tomorrow morning when he wakes up, he’s gonna think he woke up in the dungeon of Windsor Castle.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[During the Intercontinental Title match]''
:'''Vince''': Unbelievable intestinal fortitude on the part of both participants. ''[Hart rolls over Bulldog, attempting a...]'' Sunset flip...''[Bulldog kneels over Bret's shoulders, catches both legs, and leans forward as Joey Marella counts]'' Wait a minute...two...that's it!
:'''Bobby''': He beat him! He beat him! Wembley Arena is going nuts! I mean Wembley Stadium! I don't know where I am!
:'''Howard Finkel''': Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this bout...and NEW Intercontinental Champion: The British Bulldog!

== [[w:SummerSlam (1993)|1993]] ==

:'''Bobby &quot;The Brain&quot; Heenan''': Isn't it ironic that the colors of Michigan are yellow?
:'''Vince McMahon''': And blue.
:'''Bobby''': But mostly yellow.
:'''Vince''': They're not yellow, they're gold, Bobby Heenan.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Joe Fowler''': How lucky am I? My very first assignment is SummerSlam. This is bigger than life! Thank you, Vince McMahon, for bringing me on board. We've just seen a title match, we're about to see another one. Shawn Michaels has the Intercontinental belt, he's gonna take on Mr. Perfect. Shawn is here along with his bodyguard Diesel. Shawn, you've won it, you've lost it, you've won it, can you hang onto this thing?
:'''&quot;The Heartbreak Kid&quot; Shawn Michaels''': Now all the questions are gonna be answered—''who'' is the greatest Intercontinental Champion of all time? Is it Mr. Perfect or is it Shawn Michaels? All those answers are gonna come across tonight, and I will prove to everybody—you and all of the world—that Shawn Michaels is the greatest Intercontinental Champ.
:'''Joe''': Now wait a minute, they say that Mr. Perfect caused you to lose it and Diesel won it back for you.
:'''Shawn''': I got news for you. Who's the one that's wearing it? It's Shawn Michaels, so I must've won it. Isn't that right, Diesel?
:'''Diesel''': That's right. The Heartbreak Kid can take care of the work in the ring. Hey, everybody knows the chicks dig this guy—I'm here just to keep 'em off the champ. Let's get outta here, Champ.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Irwin R. Schyster''': Detroit used to be known as the Motor city. Now it's known as the tax cheat city!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Bobby''': ''(On 1-2-3 Kid's first PPV appearance)'' This is a first! This is a first! This is the first time that Kid's been out past eight o'clock!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': ''(To Vince McMahon)'' Wrong, wrong, wrong, tuxedo breath!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
''(1-2-3 Kid hits a single kick as his first move in the match and goes for the pin)''
:'''Vince''': Cover him! It's over! He got him! ''(IRS kicks out)'' No he didn't.
:'''Bobby''': Whaddya mean it's over?!? It's not over!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Vince''': Well, call it what you will, call it luck, call it ability, call it the fact that the 1-2-3 Kid will take high-risks like no one else ever in the WWF, whatever it is, you can call him victorious.
:'''Bobby''': You could call him stupid.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': Ouch! Hit him right on the bicusbid.
:'''Vince''': The what?
:'''Bobby''': The bicusbid. 
:'''Vince''': What do you know about bicusbids?
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Vince''': You're asking and answering your own questions, you really are the Brain, aren't you?
:'''Bobby''': Well, I have to, when I'm with...
:'''Vince''': Yeah right, when you're with what? 
:'''Bobby''': Uh, nothing.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': He hit him so hard he knocked three zits off his cheek!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': Cheating is only cheating when you get caught, and bragging isn't bragging when you can do it.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': Well, I think he shines more, uh, his ability to think for himself without relying on a partner, could be an advantage of, uh, of Mr. IRS, but I would have to say just by watching him and the way I've been watching him and the way you, in the ring right now, I'd have to say that... yeah, the Kid's in trouble.
:'''Vince''': Could you care to repeat that please?
:'''Bobby''': Well... no.
:'''Vince''': I see.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Vince''': ''(On Irwin R. Schyster)'' He doesn't like to be called Irwin, he doesn't like to be called Schyster, what does he like to be called?
:'''Bobby''': R.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': That's Bruce Hart right? Did he ever play a banjo in the movie Deliverance?
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Vince''': (Jerry Lawler has Bret Hart up against the ringpost) We saw Doink earlier ram Bret's leg into the ringpost, now what's Lawler going to do? (Lawler crotches Bret against the post) Oh no!
:'''Bobby''': (High voice) Oh it's going to happen to Bret &quot;The Hitman&quot; Hart.
:'''Vince''': Stop it Bobby Heenan!
&lt;hr width+50%/&gt;
:'''Ludvig Borga''': (giving a video promo after the Bret Hart/Jerry Lawler match): I'm gonna show you all why Lex Lugar is gonna try to win the World Wrestling Federation championship right here in the middle of the American Dream. Well keep on dreaming Lex Lugar, because if this is what you stand up for, if this is what you're proud of, these crumbling buildings, this filth, this pollution, and I bet the Lex Express never stopped here on it's way to SummerSlam. So Lex Lugar, look at this..this building is crumbling like America is crumbling because you American high school dropouts are signing this country away welfare check by welfare check. And you people call this the land of opportunities?! Well, I'm gonna take my opportunity to show all you so-called American wrestlers &amp; Marty Janetty tonight at SummerSlam what Ludvig Borga is all about. 
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Vince''': Harvey Wippleman was instrumental in stealing that urn from the Undertaker.
:'''Bobby''': No no no, he &quot;urned&quot; it!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Vince''': ''(Referring to The Undertaker)'' The man in black!
:'''Bobby''': Yeah, I bet Johnny Cash has a picture of him on his wall.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': ''(On Harvey Wippleman)'' Tell him, Harvey! You tell him Harvey!
:'''Vince''': Tell him what?
:'''Bobby''': Get on his case! Harvey'll knock you out in a minute, you know.
:'''Vince''': Yeah, sure...
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': But that urn owned by Harvey Wippleman!
:'''Vince''': It's owned by The Undertaker, it's in the possession of Harvey Wippleman.
:'''Bobby''': Same thing!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': ''(On Undertaker vs. Giant Gonzalez)'' Take out the silver bullets, the wooden stake, and the garlic! Take him home, Giant!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': Harvey'll knock you out in a minute! ''(Harvey Wippleman charges and is instantly knocked out by Paul Bearer)'' He slipped, he lost his footing.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': ''(On Undertaker)'' He's back to the tomb! He's back to the crypt! He's back to his box of dirt! He's looking at the urn! He's got his power back! He's got Paul Bearer back! There's gonna be trouble for everyone in the World Wrestling Federation!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': ''(After Yokozuna is knocked out by Lex Luger's forearm and loses to Luger by countout)'' I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! HE IS OUT! HE IS STILL OUT! THE CHAMPION IS OUT! WILL SOMEONE PLEASE HELP HIM? PLEASE HELP HIM! HE IS OUT! HE IS STILL OUT! MY GOD!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Joe''': ''[interviewing Lex Luger in his dressing room where he is joined by Rick and Scott Steiner, Tatanka, and Macho Man Randy Savage after defeating Yokozuna by countout]'' Lex Lugar, the public loves you and obviously your friends of the WWF love you too.
:'''Lex Luger''': It's a great feeling in the locker room, it's a great feeling out there in the ring, a great victory today. And you know, it's an honor and a privilege to wrestle for the World Wrestling Federation title and an honor and privilege to represent my country out there. The atmosphere was.. 
''(Ludvig Borga who earlier defeated Marty Janetty enters Lex's dressing room)''
:'''Borga''': Lex Luger, I'm here in your locker room to tell you that I am NOT impressed with you. And I am not impressed with your friends either and I certainly am not impressed about the country that you stand up for. Now let me tell you something, if you ever step into the ring with Ludvig Borga, I will crush you like America is crumbling piece by piece and I see you as the backbone of America and if you ever step in the ring with me, I will break it.

== [[w:SummerSlam (1994)|1994]] ==

:'''Vince McMahon''': ''[on Alundra Blayze]'' What a competitor. What an athlete.
:'''[[w:Jerry Lawler|Jerry &quot;The King&quot; Lawler]]''': What a face. I've heard of faces that could stop a clock; this face could stop Switzerland.
:'''Vince''': Now wait a minute, if you'll turn this...a battle between a beauty and the beast, considering Bull Nakano's look.
:'''Jerry''': I agree, she's beautiful.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jerry''': ''[regarding the Hart family]'' McMahon, why don't you ask them the hard questions? Why don't you get them to tell the truth? ''[Pointing to Stu and Helen Hart]'' You drove them to this, both of you. You know you did. You brought Owen to this. You kept him down his whole life! You, the entire family! You all did it! The only man...
:'''Vince''': The brothers back there, wait a minute...you'd better watch your mouth!
:'''Jerry''': The entire family has drove Owen to this! I wanna say a word to this man over here though. Here's the only man I want to welcome to the United Center because this is the man who, two years ago at SummerSlam, went head-to-head, face-to-face against Bret Hart. Are you having...are you having any flashbacks? Wouldn't you love to be in there against him tonight?
:'''British Bulldog''': Uh, not really because I know what kind of condition Bret's in, and he's in the best condition of his life right now. The family feud started in 1992 at SummerSlam, but in 1994 tonight at the United Center, the family feud is hopefully going to end in this 15-foot-high steel cage.
:'''Jerry''': It's gonna end, all right. And I don't think any of you are gonna like the way it's ending.
:'''Vince''': Why don't you ask some of the brothers back here. Ask Bruce, he's right there behind Davey...''[noticing behind Bruce]'' oh wait a minute. Wait just a minute. Jim &quot;The Anvil&quot; Neidhart. Jim &quot;The Anvil&quot; Neidhart, your thoughts on this steel cage. And you, you sitting here among all the other family members. How do they feel about you sitting here among them?
:'''Jim &quot;The Anvil&quot; Neidhart''': Well, you know...you know, it's all in the family. But I...I think everyone's gonna really see who the really...who the best Hart is of all, who's the best. And everyone's gonna see that Owen Hart is gonna be the next World Heavyweight Champion.
:'''Jerry''': He's the King of Harts already!
:'''Jim''': He's the King of Harts, and he's the best Hart of all! He's the best wrestler! And you know something? I think that Stu Hart did drive Owen to this greatness!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bret &quot;Hitman&quot; Hart''': I'm going in this match with one thing in mind. First of all, this World Wrestling Federation Championship belt isn't going anywhere. It's going right back over my shoulder back in the dressing room because I'm gonna prove that I ''am'' better than Owen, I was always better than Owen. And you know, Owen, I want you to understand something. I don't hate you. I don't hate your guts, I never, ever did. I never got into this thing thinking or believing that I hated your guts, 'cause I don't. The problem with you is you, it's in your head and it's in your heart. Jealousy is a horrible thing, it's a ugly thing [''sic''] that's a...
:You know, Neidhart, that might be a different story. Maybe I might just go that far and say I hate ''his'' guts, 'cause I believe right inside my heart that it was Jim Neidhart, right from the start, that started ''all'' this stuff. He's the one that planted the seeds of jealousy in Owen in the first place. Owen, I don't hate you, I just feel kinda sorry for you. And in this match, brother against brother, Cain and Abel, whatever you want to call it, it...it breaks ''my'' heart to think that it's come this far, that two brothers are gonna be in the most...this is barbaric. This has nothing to do with what we grew up with, believing in wrestling, exchanging holds and all this. This has gone way beyond that; this is out of the Dungeon now. This is a dogfight, this is something...this is liked caged animals, and it's something I'm not very proud of. But the fact is, it has to stop.
:You know, you people don't understand. I've got my mother coming up to me with tears in her eyes and begging me to see this thing end, my father wants to see it end, everybody wants to see it end. And I've tried to end it, I've tried to find someplace to stop it, and there's no place you can end it. But now, I see this is it, it's gonna be a ugly fight [''sic''], it's gonna be a dogfight, and there's gonna be one winner and one loser. And I'm not gonna lose this thing, Owen. I'm going in there with every single thing I got, and I'm gonna beat you, brother. And I just hope, after it's all said and done, that you can live with it.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Vince''': Bret Hart trying to finish this thing once and for all with his baby brother Owen.
:'''Jerry''': See, listen to you calling him a baby.
:'''Vince''': ''Youngest'' brother, he was the baby of the family.
:...
:'''Jerry''': Why do you feel like you have to refer to the WWF Champion as a baby?
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Owen Hart''': My whole family?! What the hell was all that! They're not my flesh and blood! They turned their backs on me! The only one they ever cared about was Bret! I ought to be the winner! I don't know what the hell the British Bulldog is doing! He's not ''my'' brother! He's not ''my'' family, jumping in there and interfering! Bulldog, you stay out of it! Bret, I had you beat.

== [[w:SummerSlam (1995)|1995]] ==

:'''[[w:Michael Hayes (wrestler)|Dok Hendrix]]''': I'm standing here with what is fixin' to be the future WWF Champion. And now, come on, King Mabel. You gave me the first scoop, you've been involving me plan after plan. Come on, tell me, tell me, what's the final plan? Gotta know, gotta know, come on, come on.
:'''King Mabel''': Dok, you, just like everybody else around the world, are just gonna have to wait until it unfolds. Big Daddy Cool, what's the old saying? Fool me once, shame on me; fool me twice; shame on you; but three times? What's your story, Big Daddy Fool? You think the thing with the British Bulldog was the big one?
:'''Dok''': Yeah!
:'''Mabel''': Uh-uh. It's tonight, and you will see. Long live the king.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jerry &quot;The King&quot; Lawler''': Can you imagine poor Hunter Hearst-Helmsley is gonna have to be soiled by this grease monkey with those filthy, greasy fingernails of his, Bob &quot;Spark Plug&quot; Holly. Look at the look on Hunter's face. Oh, this has gotta be...oh, I can't even imagine it myself.
:'''Vince McMahon''': This is degrading for Hunter Hearst-Helmsley?
:'''Jerry''': Without a doubt. 
:'''Vince''': Please.
:'''Jerry''': I mean, that's just two complete opposite worlds. You're looking at the kind of guy over there, in Bob &quot;Spark Plug&quot; Holly, that would spend his honeymoon at a monster truck rally or something, and then you've got a man over here who...his idea of a fast food restaurant would be someplace that could serve Kentucky-fried quail or pheasant under glass.
:'''Vince''': &quot;Kentucky-fried quail.&quot;
:'''Jerry''': Yeah.
:'''Vince''': I see.
:'''Jerry''': Or squab. You ever heard of that?
:'''Vince''': Squab?
:'''Jerry''': Yeah. That's the kind of things Hunter Hearst-Helmsley would eat.
:'''Vince''': Sounds like a detergent. Squab?
:'''Jerry''': You sure you're not from Alabama, like Bob there?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Sunny''': We're back! I'm sure everybody will agree that we were cheated once. And then guess what. We were cheated twice. But tonight, I promise you that third time's the charm for the Body Donnas. And Mr. Barry Horriblewitz will regret ever stepping up to the Body Donnas, and that's a promise. We plan on showing everyone, we plan on teaching Barry Horriblewitz, that good-for-nothing, out-of-shape, natural born loser, a lesson that he and all of you will never soon forget.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Earl Hebner''': ''[to Sunny after she threw in the towel]'' Hey, this is not boxing! This is wrestling! YOU GET OUT!!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jerry''': ''[on Barry Horowitz]'' I knew something was up when I looked at his name, and beside his name in the program, it said, &quot;yeah, right.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jerry''': You've heard of ''Buns of Steel''? I think Bertha Faye's got buns of cinnamon.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jerry''': ''[on [[w:Kane (wrestler)|Isaac Yankem, DDS]]]'' This man has been a great wrestler in the past under an assumed name.
:'''Vince''': What was his assumed name?
:'''Jerry''': I'm not gonna tell you that. He doesn't want them to know. He only wants everybody to know him by his name, and it's ''Yan''kem, not ''Yank''em.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Dok''': Come on, Shawn.
:'''Vince''': You're rooting for Shawn to win?
:'''Dok''': No, I don't care.
:...
:'''Dok''': Come on, Razor.
:'''Vince''': You just said, &quot;come on, Shawn,&quot; earlier.
:'''Dok''': I know. See? I'm very objective.

== [[w:SummerSlam (1996)|1996]] ==

:'''Vince McMahon''': Owen Hart, to a certain extent, following in the footsteps of his older brother, Bret &quot;The Hitman&quot; Hart.
:'''Mr. Perfect''': Do you have to mention his name at SummerSlam around me, McMahon?
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mankind''': There's no place like home, Todd, there's no place like home. For knowledge and discipline, there is no place like home. But as much as I love... ''[licks the side of a boiler]'' ...every square inch within these hallowed halls, it's time to leave, because destiny awaits on the other side. 
:'''Jim Ross''': Was he licking that thing?
:'''Mankind''': But as for you, Dead Man, take this simple warning: do not come in here, because outside the walls awaits you a fate worse than death, and a possible course of events that could alter the future of all mankind! Have a nice day!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mr. Perfect''': Look at Sunny. She looks great, doesn't she?
:'''Jim''': Oh, yeah, just ask her how good she looks, she'll tell ya.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Vince''': ''[on Phineas Godwinn and Zip]'' Here we go, criss-cross action. Where's she gonna stop? ''[Zip stops...]'' Right about there, maybe...''[Phineas and Zip rush to the Smoking Gunns' corner and tag both of them]'' Well, how about that?! 
:'''Jim''': There you go!
:''[They strut back, hug briefly, and go to their respective corners]''
:'''Vince''': Tagged both Gunns in! Look at that!
:'''Mr. Perfect''': Now wait a minute, they're not gonna wrestle each other.
:'''Jim''': They have to, they have no choice.
:'''Mr. Perfect''': No, they got...they gotta have something.
:'''Jim''': They gotta make contact, that's the rules, Perfect.
:'''Vince''': That's right, Billy now must wrestle Bart.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Sunny''': I want everybody to take a real good look right now at the winners and ''still'' World Wrestling Federation Tag Team Champions, and that's the way they're gonna stay! Now before we go and have our victory party, I want all you women to look at the Smoking Gunns, at what real men are supposed to look like. And boys, take a good look at the woman next to you—the fat, the cellulite, how out of shape they are right now. And as I look around here, this place is looking really sorry, so my generous gift to you—to make this building look a whole lot better. Hit it, boys!
:''[A giant pinup of Sunny unravels above the ring]''
:'''Vince''': Unbelievable!
:'''Sunny''':  Don't I look incredible?! Mwah!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jim''': I don't think the fans here miss Cornette. He's about as popular here as Art Modell.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jim Cornette''': I don't care if there's 50,000 stinking people out there, it's gonna make no difference! Shawn Michaels, we've proved a lot of things. We proved that Vader can pin you for a three-count, 'cause he did it last month. We proved that he can beat you up, 'cause he did it on ''Raw''. And now tonight at SummerSlam, we're gonna prove that Vader's gonna beat you when it counts, and that's for the World Wrestling Federation Title. I promised last month that Camp Cornette would win, I promise it tonight that Vader is gonna beat Shawn Michaels. Shawn, when he grabs you around the neck and you try to talk, dude, your voice is gonna sound like Peter Frampton's electronic kazoo in the instrumental break of &quot;Do You Feel Like We Do&quot;, and it's gonna be a bad ride from there! Because one way or another, we're gonna come out on top tonight. Vader's beaten Shawn Michaels once and for all!

== [[w:SummerSlam (1997)|1997]] ==
:''[official promo, with the narrator referring to specific people as they appear]''
:'''Voiceover''': In a perfect world, there would be no villains, no conspicuous manifestations of hate. Athletic excellence would be applauded, sportsmanship would be the rule, our heroes would remain heroes forever.&lt;/br&gt; If life were fair, then this legend ''[Bret Hart]'' would be lauded in his pursuit of a historic fifth World Wrestling Federation championship - instead, he's a fallen idol, America's Public Enemy No 1. The respect abandoned, bludgeoned, and spat upon by a society he feels condones defiance, and perpetuates hate. If life were fair, then this mighty champion ''[Undertaker]'', this survivor of deception and conqueror of earthly hells would surely revel in the championship spotlight. The bright lights wouldn't singe his aura, illuminating a dark, horrifying secret from his distant past. And if life were fair, then this man ''[Shawn Michaels]'' might still be champion. Dancing, flying, showcasing his extraordinary talents to legions of fans. He wouldn't be an athlete betrayed by an unwilling knee, a man surrendering a boyhood dream for a lost smile of youth. &lt;/br&gt; Is it fair that tonight, even in victory, this champion ''[Undertaker]'' would be haunted by personal demons whose voices cry out from the dark? Is it fair that tonight, this man ''[Bret]'' may rewrite history yet still incur the wrath of a hostile and unappreciative nation? And is it fair that tonight's special referee ''[Shawn]'' is a despised enemy of the challenger? Will vengeance flow ruinous from his biased heart, ensuring that tonight will be the last night Bret Hart ever wrestles in this country again?&lt;/br&gt; Life isn't fair... but who ever said it would be?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Vince McMahon''': Mankind, better known...well, not ''better'' known as, but certainly known as Mick Foley, grew up not all that far, grew up here in the tri-state area out on Long Island.
:'''Jerry &quot;The King&quot; Lawler''': Well, that explains what's wrong with him.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Ken Shamrock''': GET OUTTA MY WAY!!!
:...
:'''Vince''': Ken Shamrock. Although one cannot applaud the actions of Ken Shamrock, you certainly can't applaud what set this volcano off.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jim Ross''': Miguel Perez, whose father wrestled in the '50s and '60s, a great tag team competitor in the WWF. Partners with the late Antonino Rocca.
:'''Vince''': And following in his dad's footsteps, a tremendous competitor.
:'''Jim''': King, did you ever wrestle Antonino Rocca in the early '60s?
:'''Vince''': Stop this.
:'''Jerry''': Who?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jerry''': Four guys with bad attitudes. You know, the show ''America's Most Wanted'' was based on DOA.
:'''Jim''': I don't think John Walsh has ever spoke with the DOA, at least on a first-person basis.
:...
:'''Jerry''': You trying to tell me Crush has never been in trouble with the law? Huh? Shoot, his family portrait is a courtroom sketch.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Michael Cole''': Mr. Austin. Mr. Austin. Stone Cold. I need a quick word with you before the match.
:'''Stone Cold Steve Austin''': Yeah I got a quick word for you. Get out of here!
:'''Michael''': Mr. Austin, are you prepared? Are you prepared to put your reputation on the line tonight? You would have to kiss Owen's backside if you lose in front of all these people 20,000 people. A million people out there on pay per view. Mr. Austin, are you ready?
:'''Austin''': You're fixing to kiss my ass if you don't get your little ass out of my face. You got that? You and your stupid little bow tie. You don't impress me none, you little piece of trash!
:'''Vince''': Uh, Michael perhaps a little overzealous there. He doesn't know Stone Cold all that well.
:'''Jerry''': A man of few words, but one of them is a-double-s.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Vince''': What's gonna happen in the next match-up? Shawn Michaels cares about his own career, and obviously also cares, in a negative way, as it relates to the Hitman, Bret Hart. What sort of emotion is Shawn Michaels feeling as the guest referee?
:'''Jerry''': Are you kidding me? Shawn Michaels's ego is so big that it's got its own ZIP code, McMahon. All he cares about is what his hair looks like out here tonight. And you know what? Speaking of the Undertaker, Shawn Michaels...I mean, he's so full of himself, when he goes to a funeral, he's upset because he's not the corpse. He wants to be the center of attention, and tonight, some kind of way, he will manage to be the center of attention in this match.
:'''Vince''': And the Hitman Bret Hart said he didn't mean it literally, he meant it figuratively when he stated he would never wrestle again in the United States if he didn't win the WWF Championship. I'm sure he is regretting that comment.
:'''Jim''': Well, it's officially in the contract, so it is a done deal. If Bret Hart doesn't leave this arena, ladies and gentlemen, tonight here at SummerSlam with the WWF Championship, Bret...this will be Bret Hart's last match ever in the United States.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Bret &quot;Hitman&quot; Hart''': I'd like everybody to stand back and listen to the Canadian national anthem, and I just want to dedicate this match to all my fellow Canadians, to all my fans all over the world that feel the same way as I do about America and Americans. This is for you.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jim''': Now all the other WWF referees are gonna want pyro.
:'''Vince''': Music, pyro, yeah.
:'''Jerry''': Earl Hebner would look good in front of a Roman candle.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Shawn confronts Bret with the chair]''
:'''Vince''': Shawn Michaels with that chair that Bret tried to throw out of the ring. ''[Shawn pulls him off of the Undertaker]'' Maybe Michaels has had enough. Michaels was on the outside and did not see...
:''[Bret spits in Shawn's face]''
:'''Jerry''': Uh-oh!
:''[Shawn tries to hit Bret with the chair, but Bret ducks and Shawn hits the Undertaker instead]''
:'''Jim''': Good God! Good God!
:''[Bret covers Undertaker and waves Shawn over to count. Shawn counts to three and leaves.]''
:'''Vince''': I can't believe this.
:''[Undertaker leaves the ring]''
:'''Jim''': This is horrible.
:'''Vince''': And the Undertaker is going after Shawn Michaels.
:'''Howard Finkel''': The winner of this bout and NEW World Wrestling Federation Champion: Bret &quot;Hitman&quot; Hart!
:'''Vince''': The impossible has happened at this year's SummerSlam; and the Undertaker, with one last glance back at Bret Hart, as Bret Hart kisses the gold. And Bret Hart, somehow, is once again WWF Champion.
:'''Jim''': Bret Hart now immersing himself in the Maple Leaf. There's gotta be jubilation in Canada, perhaps jubilation in the United Kingdom and Germany, but there is no joy in East Rutherford, New Jersey, tonight.
:'''Vince''': We would like to take you back and show you how this happened.
:'''Jim''': This is shocking.
:'''Vince''': ''[off replay]'' Alright, here Shawn picked up the chair.
:'''Jerry''': He busted the Undertaker's brains out, but right now he's realizing if he don't count, he's gone too.
:'''Jim''': I don't understand that.
:'''Jerry''': What's not to understand?
:'''Vince''': And now Bret Hart being joined by all the other Hart Foundation members. Bret Hart, with the Maple Leaf draped around his neck, the flag of Canada, and the WWF Championship back around his waist for the fifth time, and it happened here in America.

== [[w:SummerSlam (1998)|1998]] ==

:'''Val Venis''': Hello ladies!
:'''Jerry &quot;The King&quot; Lawler''': Are there any ''ladies'' in New York City?
:'''Jim Ross''': Of course there are.
:'''Jerry''': Of the night.
:'''Venis''': So the Big Valbowski has arrived to the Big Apple. Well, you know something? I came, I saw...and I came again.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jerry''': Is D'Lo ''from'' Europe?
:'''Jim''': No, he's not, he's from Jersey.
:'''Jerry''': Jersey?
:'''Jim''': Right hand by D'Lo Brown.
:'''Jerry''': I think it's Lisbon or Munich.
:'''Jim''': Or Hoboken.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jerry''': The Rock's swinging that ladder just like Mark McGwire's swinging a baseball bat.
:'''Jim''': Why don't we ever talk about Sammy Sosa? Never mind.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jim''': No WWF Champion has ever entered Madison Square Garden with that kind of ovation! I challenge you, I challenge you to research that, King! I literally felt this building shake!
:'''Jerry''': Okay, I'll give you that. Every single soul is on their feet with anticipation! They love Stone Cold Steve Austin. But a lot of them love the Undertaker too. This is truly gonna be the collision on the highway to Hell.

== [[w:SummerSlam (1999)|1999]] ==

:'''Jim Ross''': The Rock just put Billy Gunn's face in that large woman's ass!

== [[w:SummerSlam (2002)|2002]] ==
:'''Jim Ross''': ''(After Triple H strikes Shawn Michaels twice with his sledgehammer after their match)'' I refuse to believe what I see, I refuse to believe that after the most courageous victory that many of us had ever seen, that son of a bitch used that hammer on Shawn, he's hit him twice with that sledgehammer! ''(Triple H performs a crotch chop to the incapacitated Michaels before leaving)'' My god almighty, Triple H is gonna rot.
:'''Jerry &quot;The King&quot; Lawler''': Hurry, hurry, get the....
:'''Jim''': He's gonna rot in hell for what he did here tonight. ''(EMT's attend to Michaels as Triple H smirks)'' This just makes me sick.
:'''Jerry''': Are you proud of yourself now?! Look at him! Look at that stinkin' smile on his face!
:'''Jim''': How in god's name can that human being be from this planet? How can he, does he have no conscience? Does he have no heart?! Do you have no soul?! You son of a bitch! Do you realize what you've just done?!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Michael Cole''': ''(after Brock Lesnar wins the WWE Undisputed Championship)'' &quot;The Next Big Thing&quot; has arrived!

== [[w:SummerSlam (2006)|2006]] ==
:'''Nature Boy Ric Flair''': ''(when the referee declares Mick Foley unable to continue in their I Quit match)'' This isn't a &quot;lay down on your ass&quot; match, it's an I Quit match!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Flair''': ''(shouting at Melina while grinding a barbed wired baseball bat into Mick Foley's eye)'' I'll kill you too, you stupid bitch!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Flair''': ''(after Melina throws in the towel to save Mick Foley from any more punishment from Flair)'' She... ''She'' does not quit for him. He quits!

== [[w:SummerSlam (2009)|2009]] ==
:'''Josh Mathews''': Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome my guest at this time, CM Punk. Punk, tonight, you have an opportunity to become the World Heavyweight Champion once again. What are your thoughts going into this Tables, Ladders &amp; Chairs match with Jeff Hardy?
:'''CM Punk''': I would love to talk to you about that right now, Josh, but there's something else I want to bring up, and that's this. ''(Holds up a screenplay entitled &quot;Live For The Moment: The Jeff Hardy Story&quot;)'' I had a friend at a fancy Hollywood agency the other day, and he ran across this little gem. Somebody actually took the time to write a screenplay about the Jeff Hardy story. So I was paging through it, and lo and behold, it culminates, of course, with Jeff conquering his demons and beating me here tonight in a TLC match at SummerSlam. What a great feelgood story, Josh, all except, of course, for the ending, which is not reality-based. It's fake, it's phony, just like everybody who lives in [[w:Los Angeles|this town]]. I'd go as far as to say that ''I'm'' the only real person in this building right now. I wish I could say it's a Los Angeles epidemic, but the fact is it's worldwide. You have people that falsely idolize what they see in movies and on television; you have housewives in Iowa that subscribe to ''U.S. Weekly'', ''US Weekly'', or whatever it's called, so they can model their hair after Kate Gosselin, instead of helping their own children with their homework; you have little kids all over the world, millions of them, who idolize the &quot;hip, cool star&quot;, and it doesn't matter if that hip cool star is some dork vampire in ''Twilight'', or if it's Jeff Hardy. It doesn't matter if that hip cool star has a reprehensible, reckless lifestyle. You know, it doesn't matter if the collective intelligence of this entire country continues to spiral downward, day in and day out. It doesn't matter as long as it's ''cool'', right? You know why they don't make movies about a guy like me? It's cause I don't support your poisoned society. I don't support this...this den of iniquity known as Hollywood. No, instead, I'm dismissed as being preachy, except I'm not preachy—I never have been. I just tell the truth. You know, I'm not a screenwriter either, but tonight I think I'll take a stab at it. Tonight I'm gonna rewrite the ending of &quot;The Jeff Hardy Story&quot;. It's gonna be horrifying. It's gonna be very, very graphic. It might be hard to watch for a lot of people, but it will have a happy ending: ''new'' World Heavyweight Champion—CM Punk. ''[He drops the screenplay and walks away]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Todd Grisham:''' NO! [After Jeff Hardy delivers a Swanton Bomb to CM Punk off a ladder] OH MY GOD I DON'T BELIEVE WHAT I JUST SAW!

== [[w:SummerSlam (2010)|2010]] ==
:'''[[w:Mike Mizanin|The Miz]]''': So I guess the question is: should I join team WWE or not? Hm… it’s a good question. What do you think? Do you all think that I should join team WWE? ''(crowd cheers)'' Well it’s a good thing I could care less about what you people think. Because the opinion in the locker room is that I am the missing link. I’m the missing puzzle piece, I’m the missing link in the chain that will lead team WWE to victory. You all saw it. Last Monday night on ''Raw'' Bret Hart and John Cena both asked me to be on team WWE. But what you didn’t see is what happened earlier today when I arrived at Staples Center. John Cena came up to me and he admitted that he’s been wrong about what he has been saying about the Miz. John Cena got down on his knees and begged me to be a part of team WWE, saying without me they can’t do it. John Cena literally said I’m the only superstar that can see him. Bret “The Hitman” Hart, a Hall of Famer, said I was the real Excellence of Execution, that I am the best there is, was and ever will be. Chris Jericho gave me his band CD Fozzy and I graciously accepted it but then threw it in the trash… My former Tag Team partner John Morrison finally said he is the Marty Jannetty of our former tag team and I am the Shawn Michaels, only better. Edge gave me a year’s supply of Slim Jims, R-Truth wrote me a crappy rap… As you can see everyone has admitted that they needed me on team WWE, except ALL OF YOU. ''(crowd boos)'' The WWE Universe needs to realize I am the fastest rising star, that I am WWE's new hope -no I am WWE's only hope. ''(crowd boos)'' I am the future. You get me people? I AM THE FUTURE, this face, I am the United States Champion, I’m a future WWE Champion. You people need to realize that. But I guess we need to get to the big decision. What’s it gonna be Miz? This decision is bigger than the Pepsi Challenge, it’s bigger than Arnold Schwarzenegger starring in Terminator 5, it is bigger (laughs) than the LeBron James spectacle on ESPN – which will ultimately lead to the Lakers losing the NBA Championship. ''(crowd boos)''  The question is: am I going to join team WWE? The answer is … yes. I will join team WWE and I will lead them to victory. The WWE Universe will not be talking they will not be buzzing about the Nexus… no, they won’t be looking up to their hero John Cena, no, you will be saying, you will be admitting to what I’ve been saying all along: that I am the Miz, and I’m… -no, no, no, no, no. You don’t get to do my catchphrase.  If any of you have anything to say to me, you raise your hand and you wait, you wait to be called upon. Until then I want absolute silence. ''(crowd boos)'' … Because I’m the Miz and I’M AWESOME!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Michael Cole''': ''[as the Miz enters]'' Yes, the man I believe is going to be the key to Team WWE.
:'''John Cena''': Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold it, hold up. Wait a second. Miz, I got news for you: you're way, way, way too late. We realize how important this match is to WWE and we couldn't rely on somebody who was gonna make their decision the day ''of'' SummerSlam. So we all have gone out and found a seventh member of Team WWE. It's not you. As a matter of fact, it's somebody that hates the Nexus just as much as all of us. The seventh member of Team WWE is Daniel Bryan.
:'''Michael''': What?
:'''Jerry''': Daniel Bryan?
:'''Michael''': ''[as Bryan walks down the aisle]'' You've gotta be kidding me! 
:'''Jerry''': It ''is'' Daniel Bryan!
:'''Michael''': This is ridiculous! This is a huge mistake! Daniel Bryan was the Miz's rookie on NXT, and now he's part of Team WWE! And here we go!
:''[Team WWE charges into the ring]''
:'''Matt Striker''': Here we go! The American Dragon has arrived at SummerSlam!

== [[w:SummerSlam (2011)|2011]] ==

:'''The Miz''': Ladies and gentlemen, back by popular demand, the most must-see WWE Champion of ALL TIME, the Miz has returned to SummerSlam! I just wanna take this time to thank each and every one of you for your insistence that I compete tonight and for your unwavering support. So now I want you to sit back and relax and watch as I steal the show like only I can because...
:''[Interrupted by R-Truth's single entry quote as he comes down the aisle]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Now that was pretty rude.
:'''R-Truth''': Yo, Miz! I don't know why you wanna thank these people here in Los Angeles. You know how I hate spiders, Miz? You see, spiders start with the letter S... ''[Audience yells &quot;WHAT?!&quot;]''...just like SummerSlam starts with the letter S. ''[WHAT?!]'' Don't &quot;what&quot; me! ''[What?!]'' And singing at SummerSlam is Cee-Lo Green. ''[WHAT?!]'' You know what else starts with the letter C? ''[WHAT?!]'' Conspiracy. You see what I mean?! ''[WHAT?!]'' Next time y'all &quot;what&quot; me...
:''[Interrupted by Alberto Del Rio's music, who drives in in a [[w:Ferrari California|Ferrari California]]]''
:'''Jerry &quot;The King&quot; Lawler''': This is SummerSlam, I thought we were on ''Sesame Street'' there for a minute.
:'''Booker T''': Wow, just in time.
:'''Michael''': You're on a street paved with gold now.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''John Laurinaitis''': I want you to tell me directly that that kick was accidental, 'cause I will not allow you to impugn my integrity or challenge my authority as Executive Vice President of Talent Relations. So I want a public apology for what happened last Monday night right now.
:'''CM Punk''': ''[mockingly]'' I'm sorry. Please forgive me and humbly accept my apology, Mr. John Laurinaitis, Senior Executive of Talent Relations...
:'''Laurinaitis''': Executive Vice President.
:'''CM Punk''': Executive Vice President of Talent Relations. I'm sorry.
:''[He makes a few faces and Laurinaitis walks away. He turns around to find Stephanie McMahon]''
:'''Stephanie McMahon''': I just came to wish you luck tonight.
:'''CM Punk''': ''[looking over his shoulders]'' You came here to wish ''me'' luck?
:'''Stephanie''': I did.
:'''CM Punk''': I find that hard to believe. Why don't you go run along and talk to your husband, the new COO of WWE; or you know, better yet, why don't you go wish your daddy luck? I mean, I know he doesn't run day-to-day operations around here anymore—thank God!—but I know he's still chairman of the board.
:'''Stephanie''': Well, I actually did speak to both my husband and my father and, believe it or not, they both wish you luck too, as well as John Cena. But what would I know? I'm just Vince McMahon's clueless daughter, right?
:'''CM Punk''': Yeah, more or less, you're pretty clueless, but I didn't say it, you did. I called you idiotic.
:'''Stephanie''': ''[shrugging and extending her hand]'' Good luck.
:'''CM Punk''': I would, but I know where that hand's been.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''R-Truth''': There's no way we shoulda lost that. It's a C-O-N...what do you think about this, Jimmy Hart? What do you think?
:'''Jimmy Hart''': You know, Truth, I've been watching you. You know, you need somebody to take you to the top because...you're good, but you need somebody to take you to the top. Look what I've done—I've managed the Honky Tonk Man, I've had Money Inc., I've had the Hart Foundation. You need somebody to watch your back and, like I said again, take you to the top. You need somebody to watch over you to make sure you don't get got by the conspiracy. You need someone like me. You need me because you got think big. You gotta think big in this business.
:'''R-Truth''': You make a lot of sense, Jimmy. A lot of sense. It's a big world, it's a big business. You ''gotta'' think big. Everything's big. I had it wrong all along. Think big and not little, Jimmy.
:'''Jimmy''': Not little.
:'''R-Truth''': Little Jimmy? You Little Jimmy?
:'''Jimmy''': ''[scared]'' I'm not Little Jimmy.
:'''R-Truth''': You smell like Little Jimmy!
:'''Jimmy''': I don't smell...I'm not Little Jimmy!
:'''R-Truth''': You talkin' 'bout Little Jimmy?!
:'''Jimmy''': No, no, I wasn't. I wasn't.
:'''R-Truth''': Where's Little Jimmy at?!
:'''Jimmy''': ''[running away]'' I don't know where Little Jimmy is!
:'''R-Truth''': Every time I turn around, Little Jimmy! Little Jimmy's conspiracies everywhere! Getting tired of this. ''[Turns to his right]'' What y'all lookin' at?!
:''[He walks away as the camera turns to show Ron Artest and his daughter Diamond]''
:'''Diamond Artest''': ''[to Ron]'' And they say ''you'' need counseling?
:'''Ron Artest''': It's okay.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jerry''': ''[on Daniel Bryan]'' I like the beard on him, I like the new look on Daniel Bryan...
:'''Michael''': You know how long it took him to grow that beard? About two months! Actually, I believe he hasn't even shaved yet. Like, forever.
:'''Jerry''': What is Daniel Bryan gonna have to do to make a believer out of you? Is there anything possible he can do to make you a Daniel Bryan fan? What?
:'''Michael''': Yeah, quit.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Edge''': As most of you probably know, ''[to Christian]'' as you know, ''[to random fans]'' as you know, as you know, heck, as you know, the WWE doctors...the WWE have told me that I'll never physically be cleared to compete here ever again. ''[Audience boos]'' Trust me, I booed too, okay? It was a bitter pill to swallow. But you know what? When I left, I was actually happy. I was happy. Here's the thing. Because I felt that I was part of passing the torch to Christian. I felt like...like maybe I opened the door a crack for you and you kicked it wide open and I was so proud of you. You finally became the World Heavyweight Champion and no one deserved it more than you. Hey, hear me out. Here's the thing. I thought it was unfair that Teddy Long made you defend the Championship five days after a ladder match. We both agreed on that. You didn't think it was fair, I didn't think it was fair. And then you came and you complained about it the next week, and the week after that, and the week after that, and the week after that, the week after that, the week after that, the week after that, so on, and so on, and so on, and so on, and so on. You whined, you moaned, you asked for opportunity after opportunity, rematch after rematch, and you got it. You won back the World Heavyweight Championship—two-time World Heavyweight Champion. But you did it by disqualification? I mean, trust me, I did some horrible things in here, some really heinous things, but I always did it with style. I always did it with some panache. I wasn't boring. I didn't hide behind lawyers, I didn't hide behind suits and clipboards. Somewhere along the line, Christian, you became a disgrace to yourself. You're better than that, you know it. And I love ya. 'Til the day I die, you will be my best friend, that's never gonna change, but you need to hear this from me 'cause you're not gonna listen to it from anybody else—I didn't know my best friend would become a whining, crying, moaning little bitch.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Michael''': Talking to one vet earlier on today when he...well, he compared Triple H as the COO and as the referee of this match-up akin to a police officer making an arrest, and then that same police officer also being the judge in the same case. A little conflict of interest perhaps, that's how many people view this.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Michael''': ''[as CM Punk celebrates his win, becoming undisputed WWE Champion]'' What a SummerSlam, ladies and gentlemen, here tonight in Los Angeles. What a SummerSlam. ''[Punk turns around to find Kevin Nash, who clotheslines him] Wait a minute, oh my God! Who the hell?! Who the hell is that?!
:'''Booker T''': What the hell?
:'''Michael''': Kevin Nash! That's Kevin Nash!
:''[Triple H walks back to the ring shocked]''
:'''Booker T''': You got to be kidding! That's my big homey!
:'''Michael''': What is he doing here?! ''[Nash powerbombs Punk]'' Oh my God, the Jackknife Powerbomb! ''[Nash leaves through the audience as Triple H looks on in bewilderment. Meanwhile, Del Rio walks down with a referee and the briefcase]'' Oh my lo...OH MY GOD, Alberto Del Rio, Mr. Money in the Bank...
:'''Booker T''': Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh, my goodness.
:'''Michael''': ...with a referee in tow!
:'''Booker T''': Timing is everything!
:''[Del Rio hands the briefcase to the referee, who orders the impromptu match to begin]''
:'''Michael''': Del Rio! Del Rio with the Money in the Bank contract! He's cashing it in!
:'''Jerry''': ''[the bell rings]'' Alberto Del Rio cashing in his Money in the Bank contract!
:'''Michael''': CM Punk...
:'''Booker T''': I don't believe this.
:'''Michael''': ...taken out by Nash! ''[Del Rio kicks Punk in the head]'' Del Rio, kick to the back of the head! The cover! ''[The ref counts to three]'' Oh, my lord! Del Rio's Champion! Del Rio's Champion!
:'''Justin Roberts''': The winner of this match and NEW WWE Champion: Alberto Del Rio!
:'''Jerry''': ''[as Del Rio celebrates, being handed the title]'' This is absolutely unbelievable! What a turn of events!
:'''Michael''': Pandemomium at SummerSlam!
:'''Booker T''': What this is, guys, this is destiny tonight for Alberto Del Rio!
:'''Jerry''': But what was Kevin Nash doing here?!
:'''Michael''': Triple H trying to figure out...trying to make sense of everything that has happened here.
:'''Jerry''': As ''we'' are. This is total chaos. I think that Alberto Del Rio is now the undisputed WWE Champion.
:'''Michael''': He is! He is!
:'''Booker T''': Did you say &quot;think&quot;? Alberto Del Rio is the new WWE Champion here tonight at SummerSlam! He cashed it in!
:'''Michael''': Triple H has no idea what's happened. Del Rio cashed in his Money in the Bank contract...
:'''Jerry''': But he did it after CM Punk was laid out by Kevin Nash, who had...what the hell was he doing here?! Well, there's our undisputed Champion, Alberto Del Rio! What just happened?!

== [[w:SummerSlam (2012)|2012]] ==

:'''Jerry &quot;The King&quot; Lawler''': ''[on the &quot;YES!&quot; chants]'' The chants are really getting to Daniel Bryan.
:'''Michael Cole''': I'm gonna point out what I've been saying all along. This is extremely unfair for Daniel Bryan. The crowd's distracting him.
:'''Jerry''': You just really can't make up your mind, can you? You're indecisive. I remember when you couldn't stand Daniel Bryan; now you're at the top of his fan club.
:'''Michael''': Well, he's won me over.
:'''Jerry''': I heard you've got a seven-year-old son you haven't named yet. Come on, make up your mind about things, Cole.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Michael''': ''[after Triple H had tapped out to Brock Lesnar]'' You have to wonder if this is the end for Triple H.
:''[Triple H can't find the words and walks back]''
:'''Jerry''': Wow, I think he just said goodbye.

== [[w:SummerSlam (2013)|2013]] ==

:'''Damien Sandow''': Throughout literary history, there have been several prolific pairings. Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson; to dumb it down for all of you halfwits, Batman and Robin. Each duo had something in common—there was a leader and an inferior sidekick or lackey. Cody Rhodes was my sidekick, and tonight I send him back from whence he came, from his family of carnival clowns. SILENCE! Team Rhodes Scholars could have been the ultimate prolific pairing. But tonight, I send Cody back to the pairing he was destined for,with his father—Dumb and Dumber. You're welcome.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Lilian Garcia''': And his opponent, from San...''[Alberto stops her and whispers into her ear]'' Ladies and gentlemen, Alberto Del Rio is insisting that I introduce him in Spanish. ''Desde San Luis Potosí, Mexico, pesando doscientos treinta y nueve libras. Él es el campeón de peso completo, Alberto Del Rio!''
:'''Jerry &quot;The King&quot; Lawler''': Lilian had better be careful. We know what happened to the [[w:Ricardo Rodriguez (wrestler)|''last'' ring announcer]] for Alberto Del Rio.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Daniel Bryan hits a running knee on Cena]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Bryan for a cover, hook of the leg...''[Triple H counts to three]'' HE DID IT! DANIEL BRYAN DID IT! DANIEL BRYAN IS WWE CHAMPION!
:'''Jerry''': Oh man!
:'''Justin Roberts''': The winner of this match and NEW WWE Champion: Daniel Bryan!
:'''Michael''': The fairytale has come true! The dream of a lifetime! The decade of perseverance and hard work has paid off! Daniel Bryan is on top of the world!
:'''John &quot;Bradshaw&quot; Layfield''': It's said before, but they're right—miracles can happen!
:'''Michael''': Daniel Bryan is WWE Champion!
:'''Jerry''': The beard is here, and the Champ is here!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jerry''': This could be the year of the beard.
:'''Loudspeaker''': I hear voices in my head...
:'''Michael''': Oh my God. Oh my God!
:'''JBL''': You've gotta be kidding me.
:'''Michael''': Mr. Money in the Bank, Randy Orton, briefcase and contract in tow.
:'''JBL''': Randy Orton's gonna cash in.
:''[Randy stops before ringside]''
:'''Michael''': Is Randy Orton gonna ruin Bryan's moment? ''[Randy holds the briefcase up, takes a few steps toward the ring...]'' The Champ not backing down. ''[...then turns around and walks back]'' And Randy Orton with a little message, just a little reminder to the WWE Champion.
:'''Jerry''': Yeah. &quot;I'm still here.&quot;
:'''Daniel Bryan''': ''[as Randy stops halfway up and turns around]'' YES!
:'''Crowd''': ''[chanting]'' YES!
:'''Jerry''': Wait a minute.
:''[Triple H turns Daniel around, kicks him in the gut...]''
:'''Michael''': Oh my God! OH MY GOD!
:'''JBL''': What are you doing?!
:'''Michael''': What the hell?! ''[...and Pedigrees him. Randy enters the ring and hands the briefcase to Triple H.]'' Oh my God, no. Oh my God, no! Hunter, what are you doing?!
:'''Triple H''': ''[handing the briefcase to the announcer]'' Ring the bell now. Ring it.
:'''Michael''': Hunter, what are you doing? This match is underway. Bryan's out cold. ''[Randy turns Daniel onto his back and covers him.]'' Randy Orton...''[Triple H counts to three, with the crowd counting alongside him]'' Randy Orton has cashed in Money in the Bank. Randy Orton is a seven-time WWE Champion.
:'''Justin''': The winner of this match and NEW WWE Champion: Randy Orton!
:'''Jerry''': Oh my God! Triple H, wha...?
:'''JBL''': What the hell just happened?
:'''Michael''': ''[struggling to say it]'' It just isn't real.
:'''JBL''': Talk about a damper on the party. This is the damnedest SummerSlam I've ever seen.
:'''Michael''': You've gotta be kidding me.
:'''JBL''': You can't help but feel bad for Daniel Bryan.
:'''Michael''': Daniel Bryan...Daniel Bryan.
:'''Jerry''': Well, you know what, guys? Look at it this way—Mr. McMahon just got ''his'' wish. He didn't want Cena to be Champion, and he sure as hell didn't want Daniel Bryan to be Champion.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jerry''': Randy Orton didn't even have to do a thing. After that Pedigree, he just turned Daniel Bryan over, covered him, and the Game counted 1-2-3; we got a new WWE Champion. What on Earth have we just witnessed? What does this mean?! What's gonna happen?!

== [[w:SummerSlam (2014)|2014]] ==

:'''The Miz''': In a summer dominated with [[w:Transformers: Age of Extinction|talking robots]], [[w:Dawn of the Planet of the Apes|talking monkeys]], and [[w:Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014 film)|talking Ninja Turtles]], tonight, you are blessed in be in a presence with a real-life, non-CGI movie star. A man who possesses something that [[w:Guardians of the Galaxy (film)|Drax the Destroyer]] to [[w:Hercules (2014 film)|Hercules]] to every single person in this town wishes they had—''[points to his face]'' this, the moneymaker. See, tonight, I wanna make Dolph Ziggler go from a bright, shiny star that everybody's been talking about, to an unrecognizable failure. In other words, I'm gonna make WWE Dolph Ziggler, Superstar, the WWE version of the Lakers.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Michael Cole''': ''[on Maria Menounos]'' She once called me her favorite host of all time at WrestleMania.
:'''Jerry &quot;The King&quot; Lawler''': What?
:'''John &quot;Bradshaw&quot; Layfield''': She later admitted that she was under the influence.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''JBL''': On Paige's 22nd birthday, she becomes a 2-time Divas Champion!
:'''Jerry''': Guys, we've had two matches and two title changes here tonight.
:'''Michael''': What an incredible performance by Paige, and what a counter, guys, of AJ's Black Widow submission maneuver.
:'''JBL''': What an incredible SummerSlam so far! Happy birthday, Paige!
:''[Paige sits a barely conscious AJ up and hugs her, gives her a kiss, and shoves her back down. She skips around the ring]''
:'''Jerry''': Look at...look at this.
:'''JBL''': Paige ''does'' have affection, she ''does'' love AJ.
:'''Jerry''': Come on, this is... As you said, Michael, that's a little creepy.
:'''Michael''': Whack-job.
:'''JBL''': Champion.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Michael''': What a specimen. ''[Brock picks up Cena over his shoulders]'' Oh, my God, Cena on top. Brock Lesnar. Brock Lesnar going for the F-5. ''[Lesnar hits the F-5 and covers Cena]'' For the Championship, Lesnar with the cover. ''[Referee counts to three]''  Lesnar has won the WWE World Title in convincing fashion!
:'''Justin Roberts''': The winner of this match...and NEW WWE World Heavyweight Champion: Brock Lesnar!
:'''JBL''': That is the most dominating performance I have ever seen in a championship match in my life.
:'''Michael''': It wasn't even close.
:'''JBL''': My God.
:'''Michael''': Lesnar has conquered John Cena.
:'''JBL''': Lesnar destroyed a 15-time World Champion, he destroyed the Streak. This man, Brock Lesnar, is unstoppable.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Michael''': This was a merciless assault.
:'''JBL''': I think Brock could've ended it earlier. He just didn't want to. I never dreamed I would see this happen to John Cena.
:'''Michael''': What a 2014 for Brock Lesnar - the most dominant year of any athlete here in WWE! He stops the undefeated streak at WrestleMania of the Undertaker, and he slays John Cena!
:'''Paul Heyman''': ''[to Brock]'' You are the conqueror, and you've conquered the WWE Universe!

== [[w:SummerSlam (2015)|2015]] ==

:'''[[Jon Stewart]]''': You know, I've spent the last 16 years talking about politics; it's nice to be back in reality.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Xavier Woods''': Brooklyn, now, we know that your city is used to feeling filthy and disgusting, so we brought you some positivity. I mean, look at how clean we are. Everybody, get your cameras out and see how good we look!
:'''John &quot;Bradshaw&quot; Layfield''': They are clean.
:'''Kofi Kingston''': You see, today, we're gonna teach up about a little something called hip...hop, something that New York doesn't know anything about. Y'all don't know nothing about hip-hop, because hip-hop originated in the South.
:'''Xavier''': [[w:Yeah! (Usher song)|Peace up, A-Town down!]]
:'''Kofi''': So it goes a little something like this. ''[The New Day enters the ring]'' Hold on now, come on, come on. You know Jay-Z's tried this, but Jay-Z failed. The good news is the New Day's about to make it a whole lot better. All right, pitch pipes to C. Pitch pipes to C.
:'''Big E''': Got it.
:''[The New Day blows into their pipes]''
:'''Kofi''': ''[to tune of &quot;[[w:Empire State of Mind|Empire State of Mind]]&quot;] Let's hear it for New Day''
:'''Xavier''': ''Negativity won't affect us
:'''Kofi''': ''Clap 'cause it's infectious''
:'''Xavier''': ''Let's hear it for New Day''
:'''Big E''': ''All those other tag teams are booty''
:''Yeah, I said booty''
:'''Xavier''': ''Let's hear it for New Day''
:'''New Day''': ''New Day, New Daaa...[brief stop for breath]...aaayyyyy''
:...
:'''JBL''': Jay-Z's gonna sign those guys if he can afford 'em.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Xavier''': Tricep meat all day long! Big E's got the market cornered on tricep meat! You can't even get a hamburger in WWE because Big E sells nothing but tricep meat!
:'''JBL''': That's what happens when you have a Ph.D, Michael—you've got a lot to say like Xavier Woods.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jon''': Paul Heyman, I'm a big fan. I call you the Apex Orator.
:'''Paul Heyman''': Thank you. I consider that a compliment.
:'''Jon''': It is a compliment. May I have a word with Mr. Lesnar?
:'''Paul''': Now's not really a good time.
:'''Jon''': Because I'm an Undertaker guy, is that what this is?
:'''Paul''': Well...that's not the only reason, but if I may. What happened when your ''guy'' fought my Beast, what do you got to say about that?
:'''Jon''': You're pretty happy about that, right? The victory. You know who wasn't happy about that? Wrestling fans. See, that's what I am; I'm a wrestling fan. And the Undertaker had perfection. He had a streak that hadn't been seen, 21-0. You know who people remember? [[w:Joe DiMaggio|Joe DiMaggio]] and [[w:Hitting streak|his streak]]. You know who they ''don't'' remember? [[w:Ken Keltner|The guy who ended that streak]]. So let me ask you something. When you watched WrestleMania, were you happy to see the fans' faces, the disappointment and the sadness of those people who paid good money to come out and see perfection? But there you were as the advocate, rubbing salt, salt in the wound of every wrestling fan everywhere. They came out there to WrestleMania that day hoping to see magic, perfection. It was Christmas morning, they had that present, they opened it up, and they didn't get a puppy. You know what they got, you know what you gave them, you and the guy with the head and the shoulders and the dagger on the chest? You know what you gave them? Coal. Are you happy about that? What do you have to say about that?
:'''Paul''': ''[to tune of &quot;Battle Hymn of the Republic&quot;] Glory, glory, Brock Lesnar''
:''Glory, glory, Brock Lesnar''
:I guess we couldn't get David Letterman to host the show tonight.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[As Jon Stewart runs into the Cena-Rollins match with a chair, between the two]''
:'''JBL''': What is Jon Stewart doing?
:'''Jerry &quot;The King&quot; Lawler''': Jon Stewart?
:'''JBL''': He told Cena in the pre-show, &quot;if you need any help, I'm there.&quot;
:'''Michael''': Well, remember Stewart's had major issues with Rollins on his old ''Daily Show''.
:'''Jerry''': Jon, don't do this. You cannot do this.
:'''JBL''': Jon Stewart has no business being in there, none. It's a World Championship match, get him out of there!
:'''Jerry''': I can't believe this.
:'''Michael''': Cena has no idea what's going on, he can't even see. ''[Jon rams Cena in the stomach with the chair]'' Oh, come on! What the hell did he do that for?!
:''[Jon throws the chair at Seth's feet and scurries out of the ring. Seth hits the Pedigree on Cena]''
:'''Jerry''': Jon Stewart, what have you done?!
:'''Michael''': Pedigree on the chair! A Pedigree on the chair! ''[Rollins tosses the chair out and covers Cena]'' Rollins is gonna win the US Title! You gotta be kidding me!
:'''JBL''': What did Jon Stewart do that for?!
:'''Michael''': Not like this! 
:''[Chad Patton counts to three]''
:'''JBL''': Why would he do that?!
:'''Michael''': Rollins has made history thanks to Jon Stewart!
:'''Lilian Garcia''': Ladies and gentlemen, your United States and WWE World Heavyweight Champion: Seth Rollins!
:'''JBL''': The hell did we just see?!
:'''Jerry''': The host of SummerSlam just helped Seth Rollins win!
:'''Michael''': Seth Rollins, the first man to hold the United States Title and the WWE World Title, but what did we just see?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Michael''': Jon Stewart has gone from ''Daily Show'' host to SummerSlam criminal here tonight.
:'''JBL''': Maybe SummerSlam hero; depends on your perspective, Michael.
:'''Jerry''': Oh, come on, that wasn't right and you know it, John.

== [[w:Summerslam (2016)|2016]] ==
:'''Big Cass''': New York City!
:''[crowd cheers]''
:'''Big Cass''': How you doin'?
:'''Enzo Amore''': This match is dedicated to all the teachers that told us we never amount to nothing. To all the people in the building hustling trying to make some money on feeding their daughter, and all the people in the struggle, you know what I'm saying?
:'''Cass''': It's all good, baby, baby!
:'''Enzo''': It was all a dream and that dream has become a reality! How you doin'? There was once a man who stood on the other side of the Hudson River who went by Ol' Blue Eyes. And when he sang &quot;New York, New York&quot;, he knew he was looking at the greatest city in the world, and he knew full well if you can make it here, then you can make it anywhere.
:'''Cass''': ''[singing]'' It's up to you, New York, New York!
:''[crowd cheers]''
:'''Enzo''': And young blue eyes right in this ring and that seven-footer standing next to me, right now we're in an Empire State of Mind, baby. And we are living proof that bright lights can inspire you. So, with that being said, allow me to quote a great from right here in Brooklyn, New York, a notorious New Yorker, Biggie Smalls. Biggie Smalls said, &quot;Mo' money, mo' problems.&quot; Well then Jeri-KO, you're looking at a couple problems cause me and Big Cass are walking, talking checks on the come up like the Michael Jordan silhouette.
:'''Cass''': Jeri-KO, we've got 99 problems and you ain't one of them. You wanna come into our backyard and try to act hard? Well, no, no, no, no, no, because there's only ''[the crowd joins in]'' one word to describe you, and I'm gonna spell it out for ya! S-A-W-F-T!
:'''Crowd''': SAWFT!

== [[w:SummerSlam (2022)|2022]] ==
:'''Corey Graves''': I liked you better when you weren't allowed to have an opinion.
:'''Michael Cole''': That's changed. A lot's changed.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
''[Brock Lesnar using a tractor to attempt flipping the ring]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Where the hell is he going?
''[the ring moves]''
:'''Corey Graves''': Oh, Jesus!
:'''Michael Cole''': Corey, get the hell out of there! Brock Lesnar just moved the entire ring with a goddamn ''tractor!''
:'''Corey Graves''': I'm in Kid Rock's lap right now! God Almighty, what the hell is Lesnar doin'?!
:'''Michael Cole''': Anything he wants! ''[Lesnar flips the ring]'' Lesnar's liftin' up the ''[Corey: OH, MY GOD!!!]'' ring with Roman Reigns in it! With a damn ''tractor!!'' REIGNS FALLS OUT OF THE ENTIRE RING!!
:'''Corey Graves''': THIS IS ONE OF THE DAMNEDEST THINGS I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!
:'''Michael Cole''': I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS! EVER! BROCK LESNAR JUST LIFTED THE RING FIFTEEN FEET OFF THE GROUND WITH A DAMN TRACTOR!!!!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
''[Lesnar tries to beat the count of 10]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Corey, this is-- this- this is sickening. This is uncomfortable out here.
:'''Corey Graves''': I-I-I-I'm speechless.
:'''Michael Cole''': We're at a count of five. Roman Reigns is four ticks away from retaining his championship. A count of seven now. A count of eight, Brock Lesnar-- Look at the look in Lesnar's eyes! Lesnar back to a knee! Lesnar beats the count again! You gotta be ''kidding'' me! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?! '''WHAT IS THIS MAN MADE OF?!?!?!?!'''
:'''Corey Graves''': HE'S NOT HUMAN!!!
''[Reigns pummels Lesnar with the WWE Championship]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Reigns with the title off the face of Lesnar! That's ''gotta'' be it!! &lt;big&gt;'''FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, COUNT FASTER!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;

==[[w:Summerslam (2024)|2024]]==

''[Dominik Mysterio and Liv Morgan kiss each other after Mysterio cost Rhea Ripley the Women's World Championship]''
:'''Michael Cole''': '''DOMINIK, YOU SORRY TWO-TIMING SON OF A BITCH!!!'''
:'''Pat McAfee''': '''This piece of trash screwed over his dad, and now screws over his Mami as well!!!'''
:'''Corey Graves''': Ain't love grand?
:'''Michael Cole''': Rhea Ripley heartbroken. Guys, has this been a ruse for months? What the hell is going on here?
:'''Pat McAfee''': You would assume that Dom can't think months in advance 'cause he's too dumb, but anything's possible with this piece of...
:'''Michael Cole''': Well, just say it. I mean that's what he is.
:'''Pat McAfee''': '''THIS PIECE OF SHIT!!!'''

==[[w:Summerslam (2025)|2025]]==

:''[Cody Rhodes has just won back the WWE Championship, and he leaves the ring to let John Cena have the final moment]''
:'''Michael Cole: Ladies and gentlemen, enjoy this while you can. We have four months left to enjoy the greatness that is John Cena. ''[As Cena starts to leave, Brock Lesnar's music suddenly hits, and the crowd erupts thunderously]'' WHAT?! ''[Lesnar himself emerges]'' HOLY SHIT!!!
:'''Wade Barrett''': OH… MY… GOD!!!
:'''Michael Cole''': IT'S THE BEAST!!! IT'S THE BEAST!!!
:'''Wade Barrett''': THE BEAST IS BACK!!!
:'''Michael Cole''': BROCK LESNAR!!! BROCK LESNAR!!! BROCK LESNAR IS AT SUMMERSLAM!!! OH, MY GOD! HELL HAS COME TO THE MEADOWLANDS! ''[Pyrotechnics go off and Lesnar slowly starts towards the ring]'' Wade, i-it's been years!
:'''Wade Barrett''': Hold on, I'm looking at the look in John Cena's eyes. It doesn't look like he's ready to greet an old friend here. There's a smile on the face of Brock Lesnar.
:'''Michael Cole''': Let's not use the word &quot;friend&quot; when it comes to Lesnar and Cena! This is a man that has beaten the hell out of John Cena over the years! 
:'''Wade Barrett''': This is a man who is a walking hazard, a walking threat!
:'''Michael Cole''': John Cena once called this man his greatest rival, his toughest rival, his most physical rival, and Brock Lesnar is here, and he's as massive as ever! ''[Lesnar and Cena lock eyes for a few moments before Lesnar takes off his vest]'' The Beast has not taken his eyes off John Cena since he entered this stadium. ''[Lesnar takes off his hat]'' He had to shed his jacket, he's taken off his hat. 
:'''Wade Barrett''': This is a man built for one thing. ''[Lesnar quickly slides into the ring and hoists Cena up on his shoulders]'' 
:'''Michael Cole:''': And now Lesnar into the ring, and Brock Lesnar with John Cena on his shoulders! ''[Lesnar delivers a thunderous F-5 to Cena]'' Brock Lesnar with an F-5 to John Cena!! On a night when John Cena went through an absolute war with Cody Rhodes!
:'''Wade Barrett''': Let's be honest, Brock Lesnar was never coming down here to commiserate with anyone.

==External links==
{{wikipedia|SummerSlam}}

[[Category:WWE TV shows]]
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      <text bytes="99831" sha1="be3mgdqd051z2quafcnmp08ah8w47y2" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:SummerSlam|SummerSlam]]''' is a [[w:WWE|WWE]] [[w:Pay Per View|Pay Per View]] held every August since 1988. It is regarded as the second biggest show of the year behind [[w:WrestleMania|WrestleMania]]. The first SummerSlam was held August 29, 1988 at [[w:Madison Square Garden|Madison Square Garden]].

== [[w:SummerSlam (1988)|1988]] ==

:'''Howard Finkel''': Ladies and gentlemen...our opening contest is a tag team bout, scheduled for one fall.  Currently in the ring to my left, hailing from Montreal, Quebec, Canada, but SOON to relocate in the United States, at a total combined weight of 474 lbs...here are Jacques and Raymond, the Fabulous Rougeau Brothers.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Honky Tonk Man''' : Get me somebody out here to wrestle, I don't care who it is.
:'''Superstar Billy Graham''' : Ho ho ho. Don't say that, my man. There are some people in that locker room who would take this man apart.
:'''Gorilla Monsoon''': We're all waiting here with anticipation as for who the opponent will be. Well, maybe we haven't got an opponent.
:'''Billy''': Well, maybe we have an opponent, or maybe he's still lacing up his boots. Who knows, man.
:'''Gorilla''': ''[as familiar theme music plays]'' Wait a minute, wait a minute. Somebody's music.
:'''Billy''': That's familiar music, brother!
:'''Gorilla''': They've exploded here in the Garden! I don't see anybody yet!
:'''Howard''': ''[as the Ultimate Warrior runs to the ring and goes right after the Honky Tonk Man]'' Here is the challenger, weighing...
:''[Howard jumps out as the match begins]''
:'''Gorilla''': It's the Ultimate Warrior!
:'''Billy''': One man on the attack!
:'''Gorilla''': This place has gone bananas!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Gorilla''': Ultimate Warrior exploding here on the Honky Tonk Man. Beautiful flying tackle. The bell has gone and it's officially underway.
:'''Billy''': Warrior doesn't know what to do, he's so excited!
:''[Warrior knocks Honky Tonk Man down]''
:'''Gorilla''': The title definitely up for grabs here.
:'''Billy''': Oh, we could get a new champion right now, Gorilla Monsoon! Right now, brother, we could get a new champion!
:'''Gorilla''': ''[as Warrior hits a splash]'' Big splash here, hooks the leg... ''[Dave Hebner counts to three]'' It's over! History has been made here!
:'''Billy''': I love it! I love it!
:'''Gorilla''': Look at this place gone bananas!
:'''Billy''': Pandemonium is running wild in Madison Square Garden, my man!
:'''Gorilla''': History once again made here in Madison Square Garden!
:'''Howard''': The winner of this contest...and NEW Intercontinental Champion: The Ultimate Warrior!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Sean Mooney''': It is a different story here in the locker room of the Ultimate Warrior, the new Intercontinental Champion, and Warrior, you are now a champion in the World Wrestling Federation.
:'''Ultimate Warrior''': Honky Tonk Man, you thought it was like something out of a comic book, brother, but we're talking about real life! I was sitting in Parts Unknown waiting for the next spaceship to higher planes, and the lightning bolts came down from the sky, and the warriors spoke! They said &quot;make it to the Garden.&quot; Well, the Ultimate Warrior showed, and Honky Tonk Man, you gave the challenge, and the Ultimate Warrior and the little Warriors with all the painted faces rose to the challenge, and they conquered! I'm taking all the little Warriors through all the darkness and the pain! And Honky Tonk Man, if you want a piece of me, or anybody thinks they can take on the Warriors, I'm not hard to find. I'll be on the next spaceship to Parts Un...KNOWN!!!

== [[w:SummerSlam (1989)|1989]] ==

[Mean Gene is set to conduct an interview with Ravishing Rick Rude and Bobby Heenan]
:'''Mean Gene Okerlund''': Gentlemen, as you know the Ultimate Warrior-- ''(the SummerSlam sign falls off behind them.)''
:'''Vince McMahon''': Nice move.
:'''Gene''': Fuck it!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Ravishing Rick Rude''': What I'd like to have right now is for all you fat, out-of-shape SummerSlam sweathogs...
:'''Jesse &quot;The Body&quot; Ventura''': Ha ha ha!
:'''Tony Schiavone''': You like that?
:'''Jesse''': He's talking to you, Schiavone!
:'''Rick''': ...keep the noise down while I take my robe off and show the ladies what a ''real'' sexy man looks like.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The Ultimate Warrior has press slammed Rick Rude from the ring to the floor]''
:'''Jesse''': There was no call for that! The name of this sport is Wrestling. You wrestle inside the ring. This guy is a lunatic, I don't like him, he goes by his own rules, he don't listen to nothing.
:'''Tony''': But Jesse, he's bought all this on himself. With Bobby Heenan pulling the leg, with Andre the Giant trying to choke out the Ultimate Warrior, you gotta expect a guy like the Warrior to take matters into your own hands.
:'''Jesse''': And that means out to the floor. ''[Ultimate Warrior grabs the IC title and hits Rick Rude in the back with it]'' Hitting him with the belt?! This should be a disqualfication! That's an disqualfication!! Where is the hell the referee?!
:'''Tony''': That's outside of the ring Jesse.
:'''Jesse''': So what?!
:'''Tony''': As much as it can just be a countout here.
:'''Jesse''': What are you going to tell me Schiavone? You can shoot somebody outside the ring? As long as it's outside the ring? You know, you're even dumber than Monsoon! I thought Monsoon was the stupidest guy alive.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Howard Finkel''': Ladies and gentlemen, at this time, I am pleased to announce that we have a very special guest. A surprise ring announcer, let's welcome Rugged Ronnie Garvin!
:'''Jesse''': What?!
:'''Tony''': Ho ho ho! What about that Jesse?
:'''Jesse''': What is the purpose of this? The guy gets banned from refereeing, he gets banned from wrestling, now he's going to be a ring announcer?
:'''Tony''': Well I think we better hear what he has to say. Why not?
:'''Rugged Ronnie Garvin''': Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall.
:'''Tony''': He does a good job.
:'''Jesse''': He's reading cue cards.
:'''Tony''': Well, there's nothing wrong with that.
:'''Garvin''': Coming down the aisle, weighing 275 pounds, the Mighty Hercules!
:'''Tony''': The fans on their feet. As Rugged Ronnie Garvin makes the announcement, the Mighty Hercules making his way to the ring and quite personally Jesse, I can't wait to hear this introduction from Rugged Ronnie Garvin.
:'''Jesse''': It ought to be interesting.
:'''Garvin''': His so called opponent,
:'''Jesse''': &quot;So called opponent&quot;?
:'''Tony''': Well, that's an opinion.
:'''Garvin''': coming to the ring with that little pip squeak, poor excuse of a manager. The big mouth of the south, Jimmy Hart. Here's a man who says he's from Seattle Washington. He claims to weigh 249 pounds. To me, he looks like he's overweight by 30 pounds!
:'''Jesse''': How dare him do that as an announcer!
:'''Garvin''': This individual who can't think for himself and when he goes to his wimpy manager for advice, little Jimmy can't give him any!
:'''Jesse''': I think Ronnie Garvin's a punk!
:'''Garvin''': He's the only wrestler I've seen with two left feet! Wears a robe with cheap rhinestones! Can't tell whether he's coming or going! Made the biggest mistake of his life when he asked for me to be reinstated, Greg &quot;The Hammer&quot; Valentine!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Genius''': From the Meadowlands Arena to the multitudes beyond, I, The Genius, full of glory and renown
:Share my wondrous words of wisdom with the SummerSlam spectacular to validate my mortar board and gown.
:Brutus Beefcake and Hulk Hogan shall be running for their lives, the highest card they're holding is a deuce.
:They are totally unqualified to match the royal flush that shall be coming from the Macho Man and Zeus.
:&quot;Scary Sherri&quot; is the term that Brutus Beefcake used in slander, and he had the nerve to call her overdressed.
:That's when the Barber got a trim that wasn't on the schedule, because Sherri is a cut above the rest.
:On the other hand, Elizabeth is absolutely useless, she is less than just another pretty face. 
:When you add the unknown factor of the Human Wrecking Machine, tonight the Hulk shall be in second place!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Tony''': And Jesse Ventura, there is a power stronger than Zeus and it's called Hulkamania!
:'''Jesse''': Yeah sure Schiavone. It's called foreign object, that's what it's called. Hogan had to use an illegal foreign object to win this match. And if that's what the Hulkamaniacs advocate, well they can stick it!
:'''Tony''': (to Sensational Sherri) Well it's back to the cauldron for you young lady.
:'''Jesse''': And then, to top it all off, Hogan has to beat up a woman!
:'''Tony''': (to Elizabeth) Well Jesse, there's a real woman for you right there.
:'''Jesse''': There's a gold digger right there.

== [[w:SummerSlam (1990)|1990]] ==

:'''Sean Mooney''': Now, Mr. Perfect, it was less than ten days ago that you accepted the challenge from the [[w:Kerry Von Erich|Texas Tornado]] to defend the Intercontinental Championship. Have you ever prepared for a title defense on such short notice?
:'''Mr. Perfect''': To be perfectly honest with you, I haven't. You see, being absolutely ''perfect'' does have its problems, because when you're a ''perfect'' Intercontinental Champion, challengers are few and far between. And let's face it, I'm perfect in every way — the perfect body, the perfect mind, and the perfect record.
:'''Mooney''': Mr. Perfect, is it wise to accept a challenge from someone you know so little about?
:'''Bobby &quot;The Brain&quot; Heenan''': Wait a minute, pal, I'll handle this one. You see, I know a lot about this Texas Tornado, because if you've seen one, you've seen 'em all. And you know why they call you the Texas Tornado? Because you've got your head in the clouds, and if you've got your head in the clouds, pal, you don't have your feet on the ground! You see, a Texas tornado never really does any damage, because you can spot one coming a mile away. Sure, they may look ferocious, but all they're really good for is kicking up some dust and ''(laughing)'' maybe turning over a few mobile homes in some hick trailer park on the Panhandle.
:'''Perfect''': Remember this! Nobody beats Mr. Perfect!
:'''Perfect and Bobby''': Nobody.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
(''Mr. Perfect loses the Intercontinental title to the Texas Tornado)''
:'''Roddy Piper''': I'm sorry, what was the name of the guy who just ''lost'' again?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Mean Gene Okerlund''': With me now, Sensational Queen Sherri.
:'''Sensational Queen Sherri''': You mean ''victorious'' Sensational Queen Sherri.
:'''Gene''': Well, yes, but you're not gonna gloat like that.
:'''Sherri''': Listen, Mean Gene. When you are so good that you intimidate your opponent to the point where they don't even show up because they know that they'll take a sensational beating, you can gloat all you want.
:'''Gene''': Well, I suppose, but Queen Sherri, there's something peculiar going on around here as it relates to Sweet Sapphire. It's almost if she vanished into thin air. There were earlier sightings of Sapphire, but I don't know what's happened to her, I really don't.
:'''Sherri''': &quot;Earlier sightings&quot;? What is she, a UFO?! But you're right, a lot of people did see Sapphire earlier this afternoon, and I'm beginning to think that maybe she's not so dumb after all.
:'''Gene''': What do you mean?
:'''Sherri''': First of all, she was smart enough not to show up and take a beating in her match with me; second, I heard a few rumors a minute ago. She may be the smartest person in the WWF.
:'''Gene''': Rumors? What rumors?
:'''Sherri''': ''[laughing hysterically]'' Well...this is too good to be true!
:'''Gene''': Sensational Queen Sherri, I fail to see what's so funny about a missing person.
:'''Sherri''': I said she was missing, I didn't say anything about her being a person.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mooney''': Jake, it's well-founded that Bad News Brown is afraid of snakes. The question remains, are you afraid of sewer rats?
:'''Jake &quot;The Snake&quot; Roberts''': You know, my man, they don't call me the Snake for nothing, because Damian and I, we have a lot in common. But how about you, Bad News? You hang around with sewer rats. What does that say about you? But to answer your question, Sean, I'm not afraid of rats, no, because I don't have to be. You see, Damian here is really hungry. Yeah I know, Bad News says he hasn't fed his rats for weeks, and they must have a voracious appetite. But what I want to know, Bad News, is just how hungry are you? Because that's exactly what it's going to come down to—hunger. And hunger, that, Bad News, is what separates a man like me from a mouse like you.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mean Gene''': Hulk Hogan, hot on the heels of victory at SummerSlam tonight! What a powerhouse of a match between you and Earthquake, but I don't know, Hulk, if it's been settled.
:'''Hulk Hogan''': You know somethin', Mean Gene? The only thing left to do, brother, is to kickstart my Wide Glide, hang onto the Ape Hangers, and with the largest arms in the world, man, ride right up to Jack Tunney's office, brother! Let him know that the Hulkamaniacs realize they're still the stronger power in the world, brother! And Jack Tunney, I just want you to know, dude. They're building new buildings all around the country. New York City, Los Angeles, Chicago, Africa, Asia, North Pole, South Pole, and all points in between, brother! And the new buildings, Mean Gene, they're Earthquake-proof, brother!
:'''Mean Gene''': Earthquake-proof?
:'''Hulk''': Yes! Earthquake-proof! Because I'm gonna take this big, fat dude, and I'm gonna drag him all the way around the country, brother! I'm gonna beat him in each and every arena until Jack Tunney puts me right back where I belong—in the #1 contender's spot, brother.
:'''Mean Gene''': Well, Hulk Hogan, with all due respect, I think you're there already, I'll tell you what. A strong, strong outing for you against this mammoth, Earthquake.
:'''Hulk''': Well, you know something, Mean Gene? I felt the love of the Hulkamaniacs, brother. The 400,000 cards and letters in just a few short weeks prove, man, that this thing's gonna last forever. And now, Hulkamaniacs, this is the decade of the little Hulksters, brother. And now, there are four Demandments. Four Demandments—train, say your prayers, eat your vitamins, and believe in yourself, brother. If you believe in yourself like you made me believe in myself, you can get anything you want!
:And now, I'm getting a new 9-foot gun made, brother! A brand new surfboard with a 2 1/2 foot skeg, and I'm gonna go out to Venice Beach, and I'm gonna chase each and every shark I can find! And when I find the biggest wave I can find, I'm gonna catch that title wave, brother—I said ''title'' wave—and I'm gonna ride it right to the top! Whatcha gonna do, WWF, Earthquake, and Jack Tunney, and anybody else in my way?!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Ultimate Warrior''': Do you know what Ravishing Rick Rude and Bobby Heenan have in common with the Liberty Bell?
:'''Gene''': No, what?
:'''Warrior''': One is cracked, and the other is a ding dong.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Ravishing Rick Rude''': What I'd like to have right now is for all you fat, out-of-shape Pennsylvania piss-ants, keep the noise down while I take my robe off and give you a good look at the next World Wrestling Federation Champion.

== [[w:SummerSlam (1991)|1991]] ==

:'''Bobby &quot;The Brain&quot; Heenan''': If your parents were here Piper, they wouldn't let you know that you were gone.
:'''Rowdy Roddy Piper''': I'm not going to kill you for that remark, Boobs. I'll let you live with it for the next two and a half hours.
:'''Bobby''': I heard a rumor that your mom and dad ran away from home.
:'''Gorilla Monsoon''': Will you stop?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Bobby''': You know, Piper used to come home from school and find out that his parents had moved.
:'''Gorilla''': Will you stop?! I'm not going to tell you again or you'll be out of here.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Gorilla''': Concerned look on the face of Stu and Helen Hart.
:'''Bobby''': You know why they're concerned? They snuck in! They scared the usher away.
:'''Gorilla''': Will you be serious?!
:'''Roddy''': Stop it now Bobby!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Bobby''': Don't do it Perfect! Don't touch that ref!
:'''Gorilla''': Why? Disqualifcation will save his title.
:'''Bobby''': All right then nail him!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Gorilla''': ''[as Bret blocks a legdrop from Mr. Perfect]'' Nice block there, that move. Oh, he's got that hold half-applied on the canvas! He's turning him over!
:'''Roddy''': Beautiful counter!
:'''Bobby''': The Sharpshooter!
:'''Gorilla''': ''[as Hebner calls for the bell]'' He's got it!
:'''Roddy''': HE GOT IT!
:'''Bobby''': NO! NO!
:'''Gorilla''': We've got a new champion!
:'''Roddy''': We've got a new champion!
:'''Bobby''': NO!
:'''Roddy''': ALRIGHT!
:'''Howard''': The winner of this bout and NEW Intercontinental Champion: Bret &quot;Hitman&quot; Hart!
:''[Perfect kicks Bret once. Bret tears off Perfect's singlet as Perfect falls out on the ring]'' 
:'''Gorilla''': The new Intercontinental Champion, Bret &quot;The Hitman&quot; Hart!
:'''Roddy''': Tear it off, Bret! Tear it off, man!
:'''Gorilla''': Look at Perfect, he's hurt. He wants out of there!
:'''Roddy''': We've got us a new champeen! [''sic'']
:'''Gorilla''': And he deserves it! This place is going bananas!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Bobby''': With Butch, Luke and Andre in there...which one is Larry, Darryl, and Darryl?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Bobby is going to Hulk Hogan's dressing room with the NWA world title in his hands.]''
:'''Bobby''': Come on dummy, I don't have all day, I'm a busy man. Right here is the dressing room. Of the WWF champion Hulk Hogan. And I'm going to embarrass him and see what kind of a man he really is. ''[knocks on Hogan's door]'' Come on Hogan, open up! Wait till you see this. ''[Hogan opens the door.]'' On behalf of the real world's champion, Ric Flair, I would like to challenge you, Hogan. At any time any place - ''[Hogan slams the door.]'' Who do you think you're embarrassing?! You wouldn't do that if Ric Flair was standing here! You hear-- You hear me?! Turn that camera off. Turn that damn thing off!
:'''Gorilla''': Oh I love it!
:'''Roddy''': That's not the first door he's had slammed in his face. That's why he ain't married.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''[[w:Jacques Rougeau|The Mountie]]''': This is the way it's going to happen Mean Gene Okerlund. After I've done, beat your fat mug Boss Man, these little local hick cops are going to grab you and they're going to handcuff your hands. And they're going to take you and, I don't want you gentlemen to do it the New York style. I want gentlemen toto do it the Mountie kind of justice! If he fights back, I want you to drag him through these halls. And once we get back here, we wanna tan him in this little old paddy wagon. And once he get in here, it'll be your job to shackle his ankles, make sure he doesn't run away, shut the doors and throw the key away and bring him to that local New York caboose house. And we'll see you there Boss Man!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Bobby''': We are about to find out who the real law and order is. And I believe it's the man in the red shirt. ''[The Mountie]''
:'''Roddy''': Well I believe it's the man in the blue shirt. ''[The Big Boss Man]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Bobby''': I'm going to get the Boss Man a pack of cigarettes.
:'''Gorilla''': Are you leaving again?
:'''Bobby''': Yes, I'm going to take him some cigarettes.
:'''Gorilla''': What do you mean take him some cigarettes? He doesn't even smoke!
:'''Bobby''': No but he's going to need them to bribe the screws.
:'''Gorilla''': Will you stop?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Bobby''': Come on Boss Man, get up! It's six o clock in the morning. Here's your cup of coffee and your one cigarette.
:'''Roddy''': Oh you know what time they get up in the pokey do you?
:'''Bobby''': I watched Police Story in Colombo.
:'''Gorilla''': I think he's speaking from personal experience.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[the cops lead the Mountie to take pictures.]''
:'''The Mountie''': You guys think you're tough guys? Give me my shock stick! Aaah! No, no! You're not taking my pictures! Nooooo! You're not taking my pictures! (Hides his face with his arms.)
:'''Photographer''': So I heard the Boss Man kicked your butt, huh?
:'''The Mountie''': ''[looks up]'' What the?! ''[Photographer snaps the picture]'' No!! You're not taking my pictures!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[the cops lead the Mountie to the fingerprinting area.]''
:'''The Mountie''': No! You can't do this to me! You can't-- Aaaah! No! You're not taking my fingerprints! I'm not giving it to you!
:'''Cop''': Come on, give me your finger!
:'''The Mountie''': You want the finger?! ''[flips off the cop]'' Here's the finger! ''[They start fingerprinting the Mountie.]'' Yeow! Ouch! Yeow! Don't do that! I'm the Mountie! You can't fingerprint me!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Sean Mooney''': It looks as though the Mountie is a bit outnumbered and Sgt. Slaughter, I'm sure you can attest to that going 3 against 2 into the Match Made in Hell.
:'''Sgt. Slaughter''': What do you mean outnumbered, pukeface? You piece of human scum! Outnumbered?! We're not the ones that are going to be outnumbered. It's the Ultimare Warrior and Hulk Hogan that are going to be outnumbered. Why they're going to be outnumbered before the match even starts. Take a look at the Ultimate Puke. He still looks a little snakebit to me. Ha ha ha ha. And the Immortal Slime Hulk Hogan got a gash in his head. Lost about six gallons of blood. Ha ha ha ha. In fact, it's going to be a lot easier than we thought. In fact, we just may have one more surprise tonight in the match made in hell!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Roddy''': I hope Slaughter keeps getting back up so that Hogan can keep knocking him down.
:'''Bobby''': You must really hate the man.
:'''Roddy''': I do!
:'''Gorilla''': I suppose you like a traitor. Aren't you an American?
:'''Bobby''': Yes.
:'''Gorilla''': Well this guy turned his back on his country! Would you do that? Maybe you would.
:'''Bobby''': My favorite show is The Price Is Right.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The Mountie continues to rant inside his cell]''
:'''The Mountie''': Let me out, Jimmy Hart, I WANT TO HAVE A PHONE CALL!! ''[an inmate comes to him]''
:'''Inmate 1''': You want to fight me?
:'''The Mountie''': Get out of here!
:'''Inmate 1''': There's your buddy! ''[points to a mustachioed man in biker outfit approaching The Mountie]''
:'''Inmate 2''': Hi.
:'''The Mountie''': ''[senses that the guy is gay]'' Oh my God!
:'''Inmate 2''': Don't you just love the way leather feels against your body?
:'''The Mountie''': ''[retreats to another part of the cell]'' LET ME OUTTA HERE!! LET ME OUTTA HERE!!

== [[w:SummerSlam (1992)|1992]] ==

:'''Vince McMahon''': What are you doing with that ridiculous-looking crown on?
:'''Bobby &quot;The Brain&quot; Heenan''': Well, you little stupid peasant, I happen to be Sir Bobby, the King of England.
:'''Vince''': [[Henry VIII]] would be rolling over in his grave, Bobby &quot;the Brain&quot; Heenan, if he could see this! Nonetheless, the only thing royal about you is you're a royal pain; and speaking of a pain, in whose corner is Mr. Perfect really going to be in — the Ultimate Warrior's, or is going to be in the corner of the Macho Man?
:'''Bobby''': WOOOOOOOOOO!!!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': I hate to say it, but the Bushwhackers are a lot prettier than some of the women I've seen here.
:'''Vince''': Would you please stop that?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''[[w:Mike Rotunda|Irwin R. Schyster]]''': It's a well-known fact that if you British tax cheats would pay your fair share, you wouldn't put the burden on the royal family!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': I'm not sure Hawk even knows where he's at right now. Whether it be London, England, or Des Moines, Iowa, he hasn't got a clue.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mean Gene Okerlund''': With me at this is the former World Wrestling Federation Champion, the man who was disgruntled the moment they announced the main event for SummerSlam, for it was he who felt ''he'' should be the #1 contender to face the Macho Man Randy Savage. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the &quot;Nature Boy&quot; Ric Flair.
:'''Ric Flair''': Rest assured, little man, it was not I alone disgruntled over the fact that the great Ric Flair was denied his opportunity to regain the World Wrestling Federation Championship right here at SummerSlam. After all, when you're talking about the brights lights and the big cities, you gotta be talking London, England. And when you're talking Summerslam, and when you're talking the World Wrestling Federation, you gotta be talking Ric Flair! Woo!
:'''Mean Gene''': Ric Flair, I couldn't help but notice you're wearing your robe and your wrestling attire. What's going on here?
:'''Ric''': It's because anybody that knows anything about Ric Flair knows that he stays ready for any kind of action.
:'''Mean Gene''': And speaking of action, Ric Flair, one man we know is going to be seeing action tonight is your executive consultant, Mr. Perfect, for it's public knowledge he's gonna be in the corner of either the Macho Man Randy Savage or the Ultimate Warrior. As a matter of fact, I saw you and Mr. Perfect show up outside of Wembley Stadium earlier today in a long limosuine, Ric Flair. You two have been embroiled in this controversy of the main event since the day it was announced. As a matter of fact, this match may end up going down in history as the most controversial match in World Wrestling Federation history.
:Now then, Ric Flair, I'm gonna put you on the spot. In whose corner will Mr. Perfect be tonight? ''[Ric leans in to answer, but laughs]'' Oh, come on, is it gonna be the Macho Man? ''[Another tease]'' Don't do this to me. Is it gonna be the Ultimate Warrior? ''[Another tease]'' Ric Flair, enough is enough. Like the great Winston Churchill once said, &quot;now is the time!&quot; And ''now'' is the time we demand to know the whereabouts of Mr. Perfect for SummerSlam!
:'''Ric''': Why, he's in the dressing room.
:'''Mean Gene''': But ''whose'' dressing room?!
:'''Ric''': The dressing room of the winner! Who else?! WOO!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Shawn Michaels and Rick Martel have attempted a series of rolling cradles all involving pulling the others tights]''
:'''Vince''': There are more moons here in London, England, than there are on any other planet!
:'''Bobby''': I've never seen so many smiles in all my life.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''The Genius''': From the home of the Olympic Games of 1948
:And the World Cup of 1966. I know the date
:Now at SummerSlam at Wembley, and the Genius holds the key
:Behold the future champions, the Brothers Beverly
:'''Vince''': He's no William Shakespeare, that's for sure.
:'''Bobby''': He's a genius!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Vince''': All Typhoon has to do is sit up and tag his partner.
:'''Bobby''': You're asking a lot for Typhoon to do a situp.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': ''[on the foam fingers in the audience]'' I remember when I used to walk to the ring, McMahon, and people used to hold up one finger.
:'''Vince''': That was a different kind of salute.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mean Gene''': Alright, this is the SummerSlam you thought you'd never see. And there was an incident out there tonight that I thought I would n... What the hell were you trying to pull?! There was no deal!
:'''Mr. Perfect''': You just be quiet, little man! There was a deal, all right!
:'''Mean Gene''': There was not a deal!
:'''Mr. Perfect''': It was a done deal between Ric Flair and Mr. Perfect. A lot of people might think that other deal didn't go down. Not a chance. That was Plan A, and now, Plan B, little man divot-head, is in full charge. Plan B, champ, tell him the way it is.
:'''Mean Gene''': Oh, come on, this has got to be...
:'''Ric''': I should've had the shot to begin with! Not the Ultimate Warrior! But now, you ask the Warrior what he wants in life! Well, it's gonna be me, and baby, I'm waiting on you! Plan A, maybe that slipped by. But now, we're looking at Plan B! And baby, the way I see it, the two most perfect men alive today are this gentleman and myself!
:'''Mean Gene''': You two men, this is an absolute sham in the World Wrestling Federation!
:'''Mr. Perfect''': Is my bowtie straight, champ?
:'''Ric''': You are a killer, brother. You are a killer! In closing, let me tell the whole world and especially one man something. Savage, that belt is coming back to me!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Sean Mooney''': Davey Boy Smith, you have got to be feeling enormous pressure going into this contest for the Intercontinental Championship. You’ll be stepping into the ring with your brother-in-law. Obviously, this match has torn both sides of the family apart. First of all, your thoughts on the family pressures you are facing now.
:'''British Bulldog''': Well, I’m facing a lot of pressures in the family, Sean. But I didn’t make this match, Jack Tunney made this match. But the British Bulldog has fought hard for two long years to be the #1 contender for the Intercontinental belt. Yes, Bret, you are the Intercontinental Champion. Yes, Bret, you are my brother-in-law. But when I step in the ring with you, Bret, I never met you. I don’t even know you. But at the end of the match, I just hope the families reunite.
:'''Sean''': British Bulldog, that brings me to my second point, one that may even bring even more pressure on you—the fact that you will be stepping out into that stadium in front of 80,000 of your fellow countrymen.
:'''Bulldog''': Sean, that isn’t a pressure. That’s a dream for the British Bulldog. And my second dream is, at the end of the match, the British Bulldog will be the next World Wrestling Federation Intercontinental Champion.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mean Gene''': Well, I’ve got to agree with my broadcast colleague, Sean Mooney. Indeed, there is a great deal of pressure for this Intercontinental title bout. However, the pressure for the champion—you, Bret &quot;The Hitman” Hart—much different than the pressure on the challenger, the British Bulldog. For him to win this coveted title, he must either make you submit or get the pinfall 1-2-3 in the center of the ring. And then, of course, there’s the question of the family pressure.
:'''Bret &quot;Hitman&quot; Hart''': Well, let me tell you something, Gene. As far as family pressure goes, I’ve proven that I work real well under pressure. But you know something that really bugs me, that really irks me, is the British Bulldog actually has the gall to come out here and say that when he steps in the ring with me, that he’s never met me, that he doesn’t know me. Well, let me tell you something, British Bulldog. Take a good look at my face and look me in the eye and tell me you don’t know me. Do you remember that far back, British Bulldog, when I was the one that introduced you to my sister Diana in the first place. And as far as your career in the World Wrestling Federation, I’m the one that helped you the most. You wouldn’t be where you are in the World Wrestling Federation if it wasn’t for me. Talk about gratitude.
:You know, the British Bulldog forgets he’s the one that wanted to challenge me, he’s the one responsible for all the family tension, he’s the one that wanted a shot at the gold. Well, you know something, the British Bulldog...he wanted the big fight? He’s got the big fight. And as far as his big dream...you know what I think of his big dream? This big dream of his of winning the World Wrestling Federation Intercontinental Title in front of 80,000 of his compatriots? Well, you know, I think this big dream of his is gonna turn into a nightmare. And then tomorrow morning when he wakes up, he’s gonna think he woke up in the dungeon of Windsor Castle.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[During the Intercontinental Title match]''
:'''Vince''': Unbelievable intestinal fortitude on the part of both participants. ''[Hart rolls over Bulldog, attempting a...]'' Sunset flip...''[Bulldog kneels over Bret's shoulders, catches both legs, and leans forward as Joey Marella counts]'' Wait a minute...two...that's it!
:'''Bobby''': He beat him! He beat him! Wembley Arena is going nuts! I mean Wembley Stadium! I don't know where I am!
:'''Howard Finkel''': Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this bout...and NEW Intercontinental Champion: The British Bulldog!

== [[w:SummerSlam (1993)|1993]] ==

:'''Bobby &quot;The Brain&quot; Heenan''': Isn't it ironic that the colors of Michigan are yellow?
:'''Vince McMahon''': And blue.
:'''Bobby''': But mostly yellow.
:'''Vince''': They're not yellow, they're gold, Bobby Heenan.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Joe Fowler''': How lucky am I? My very first assignment is SummerSlam. This is bigger than life! Thank you, Vince McMahon, for bringing me on board. We've just seen a title match, we're about to see another one. Shawn Michaels has the Intercontinental belt, he's gonna take on Mr. Perfect. Shawn is here along with his bodyguard Diesel. Shawn, you've won it, you've lost it, you've won it, can you hang onto this thing?
:'''&quot;The Heartbreak Kid&quot; Shawn Michaels''': Now all the questions are gonna be answered—''who'' is the greatest Intercontinental Champion of all time? Is it Mr. Perfect or is it Shawn Michaels? All those answers are gonna come across tonight, and I will prove to everybody—you and all of the world—that Shawn Michaels is the greatest Intercontinental Champ.
:'''Joe''': Now wait a minute, they say that Mr. Perfect caused you to lose it and Diesel won it back for you.
:'''Shawn''': I got news for you. Who's the one that's wearing it? It's Shawn Michaels, so I must've won it. Isn't that right, Diesel?
:'''Diesel''': That's right. The Heartbreak Kid can take care of the work in the ring. Hey, everybody knows the chicks dig this guy—I'm here just to keep 'em off the champ. Let's get outta here, Champ.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Irwin R. Schyster''': Detroit used to be known as the Motor city. Now it's known as the tax cheat city!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Bobby''': ''(On 1-2-3 Kid's first PPV appearance)'' This is a first! This is a first! This is the first time that Kid's been out past eight o'clock!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': ''(To Vince McMahon)'' Wrong, wrong, wrong, tuxedo breath!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
''(1-2-3 Kid hits a single kick as his first move in the match and goes for the pin)''
:'''Vince''': Cover him! It's over! He got him! ''(IRS kicks out)'' No he didn't.
:'''Bobby''': Whaddya mean it's over?!? It's not over!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Vince''': Well, call it what you will, call it luck, call it ability, call it the fact that the 1-2-3 Kid will take high-risks like no one else ever in the WWF, whatever it is, you can call him victorious.
:'''Bobby''': You could call him stupid.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': Ouch! Hit him right on the bicusbid.
:'''Vince''': The what?
:'''Bobby''': The bicusbid. 
:'''Vince''': What do you know about bicusbids?
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Vince''': You're asking and answering your own questions, you really are the Brain, aren't you?
:'''Bobby''': Well, I have to, when I'm with...
:'''Vince''': Yeah right, when you're with what? 
:'''Bobby''': Uh, nothing.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': He hit him so hard he knocked three zits off his cheek!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': Cheating is only cheating when you get caught, and bragging isn't bragging when you can do it.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': Well, I think he shines more, uh, his ability to think for himself without relying on a partner, could be an advantage of, uh, of Mr. IRS, but I would have to say just by watching him and the way I've been watching him and the way you, in the ring right now, I'd have to say that... yeah, the Kid's in trouble.
:'''Vince''': Could you care to repeat that please?
:'''Bobby''': Well... no.
:'''Vince''': I see.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Vince''': ''(On Irwin R. Schyster)'' He doesn't like to be called Irwin, he doesn't like to be called Schyster, what does he like to be called?
:'''Bobby''': R.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': That's Bruce Hart right? Did he ever play a banjo in the movie Deliverance?
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Vince''': (Jerry Lawler has Bret Hart up against the ringpost) We saw Doink earlier ram Bret's leg into the ringpost, now what's Lawler going to do? (Lawler crotches Bret against the post) Oh no!
:'''Bobby''': (High voice) Oh it's going to happen to Bret &quot;The Hitman&quot; Hart.
:'''Vince''': Stop it Bobby Heenan!
&lt;hr width+50%/&gt;
:'''Ludvig Borga''': (giving a video promo after the Bret Hart/Jerry Lawler match): I'm gonna show you all why Lex Lugar is gonna try to win the World Wrestling Federation championship right here in the middle of the American Dream. Well keep on dreaming Lex Lugar, because if this is what you stand up for, if this is what you're proud of, these crumbling buildings, this filth, this pollution, and I bet the Lex Express never stopped here on it's way to SummerSlam. So Lex Lugar, look at this..this building is crumbling like America is crumbling because you American high school dropouts are signing this country away welfare check by welfare check. And you people call this the land of opportunities?! Well, I'm gonna take my opportunity to show all you so-called American wrestlers &amp; Marty Janetty tonight at SummerSlam what Ludvig Borga is all about. 
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Vince''': Harvey Wippleman was instrumental in stealing that urn from the Undertaker.
:'''Bobby''': No no no, he &quot;urned&quot; it!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Vince''': ''(Referring to The Undertaker)'' The man in black!
:'''Bobby''': Yeah, I bet Johnny Cash has a picture of him on his wall.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': ''(On Harvey Wippleman)'' Tell him, Harvey! You tell him Harvey!
:'''Vince''': Tell him what?
:'''Bobby''': Get on his case! Harvey'll knock you out in a minute, you know.
:'''Vince''': Yeah, sure...
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': But that urn owned by Harvey Wippleman!
:'''Vince''': It's owned by The Undertaker, it's in the possession of Harvey Wippleman.
:'''Bobby''': Same thing!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': ''(On Undertaker vs. Giant Gonzalez)'' Take out the silver bullets, the wooden stake, and the garlic! Take him home, Giant!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': Harvey'll knock you out in a minute! ''(Harvey Wippleman charges and is instantly knocked out by Paul Bearer)'' He slipped, he lost his footing.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': ''(On Undertaker)'' He's back to the tomb! He's back to the crypt! He's back to his box of dirt! He's looking at the urn! He's got his power back! He's got Paul Bearer back! There's gonna be trouble for everyone in the World Wrestling Federation!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': ''(After Yokozuna is knocked out by Lex Luger's forearm and loses to Luger by countout)'' I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! HE IS OUT! HE IS STILL OUT! THE CHAMPION IS OUT! WILL SOMEONE PLEASE HELP HIM? PLEASE HELP HIM! HE IS OUT! HE IS STILL OUT! MY GOD!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Joe''': ''[interviewing Lex Luger in his dressing room where he is joined by Rick and Scott Steiner, Tatanka, and Macho Man Randy Savage after defeating Yokozuna by countout]'' Lex Lugar, the public loves you and obviously your friends of the WWF love you too.
:'''Lex Luger''': It's a great feeling in the locker room, it's a great feeling out there in the ring, a great victory today. And you know, it's an honor and a privilege to wrestle for the World Wrestling Federation title and an honor and privilege to represent my country out there. The atmosphere was.. 
''(Ludvig Borga who earlier defeated Marty Janetty enters Lex's dressing room)''
:'''Borga''': Lex Luger, I'm here in your locker room to tell you that I am NOT impressed with you. And I am not impressed with your friends either and I certainly am not impressed about the country that you stand up for. Now let me tell you something, if you ever step into the ring with Ludvig Borga, I will crush you like America is crumbling piece by piece and I see you as the backbone of America and if you ever step in the ring with me, I will break it.

== [[w:SummerSlam (1994)|1994]] ==

:'''Vince McMahon''': ''[on Alundra Blayze]'' What a competitor. What an athlete.
:'''[[w:Jerry Lawler|Jerry &quot;The King&quot; Lawler]]''': What a face. I've heard of faces that could stop a clock; this face could stop Switzerland.
:'''Vince''': Now wait a minute, if you'll turn this...a battle between a beauty and the beast, considering Bull Nakano's look.
:'''Jerry''': I agree, she's beautiful.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jerry''': ''[regarding the Hart family]'' McMahon, why don't you ask them the hard questions? Why don't you get them to tell the truth? ''[Pointing to Stu and Helen Hart]'' You drove them to this, both of you. You know you did. You brought Owen to this. You kept him down his whole life! You, the entire family! You all did it! The only man...
:'''Vince''': The brothers back there, wait a minute...you'd better watch your mouth!
:'''Jerry''': The entire family has drove Owen to this! I wanna say a word to this man over here though. Here's the only man I want to welcome to the United Center because this is the man who, two years ago at SummerSlam, went head-to-head, face-to-face against Bret Hart. Are you having...are you having any flashbacks? Wouldn't you love to be in there against him tonight?
:'''British Bulldog''': Uh, not really because I know what kind of condition Bret's in, and he's in the best condition of his life right now. The family feud started in 1992 at SummerSlam, but in 1994 tonight at the United Center, the family feud is hopefully going to end in this 15-foot-high steel cage.
:'''Jerry''': It's gonna end, all right. And I don't think any of you are gonna like the way it's ending.
:'''Vince''': Why don't you ask some of the brothers back here. Ask Bruce, he's right there behind Davey...''[noticing behind Bruce]'' oh wait a minute. Wait just a minute. Jim &quot;The Anvil&quot; Neidhart. Jim &quot;The Anvil&quot; Neidhart, your thoughts on this steel cage. And you, you sitting here among all the other family members. How do they feel about you sitting here among them?
:'''Jim &quot;The Anvil&quot; Neidhart''': Well, you know...you know, it's all in the family. But I...I think everyone's gonna really see who the really...who the best Hart is of all, who's the best. And everyone's gonna see that Owen Hart is gonna be the next World Heavyweight Champion.
:'''Jerry''': He's the King of Harts already!
:'''Jim''': He's the King of Harts, and he's the best Hart of all! He's the best wrestler! And you know something? I think that Stu Hart did drive Owen to this greatness!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bret &quot;Hitman&quot; Hart''': I'm going in this match with one thing in mind. First of all, this World Wrestling Federation Championship belt isn't going anywhere. It's going right back over my shoulder back in the dressing room because I'm gonna prove that I ''am'' better than Owen, I was always better than Owen. And you know, Owen, I want you to understand something. I don't hate you. I don't hate your guts, I never, ever did. I never got into this thing thinking or believing that I hated your guts, 'cause I don't. The problem with you is you, it's in your head and it's in your heart. Jealousy is a horrible thing, it's a ugly thing [''sic''] that's a...
:You know, Neidhart, that might be a different story. Maybe I might just go that far and say I hate ''his'' guts, 'cause I believe right inside my heart that it was Jim Neidhart, right from the start, that started ''all'' this stuff. He's the one that planted the seeds of jealousy in Owen in the first place. Owen, I don't hate you, I just feel kinda sorry for you. And in this match, brother against brother, Cain and Abel, whatever you want to call it, it...it breaks ''my'' heart to think that it's come this far, that two brothers are gonna be in the most...this is barbaric. This has nothing to do with what we grew up with, believing in wrestling, exchanging holds and all this. This has gone way beyond that; this is out of the Dungeon now. This is a dogfight, this is something...this is liked caged animals, and it's something I'm not very proud of. But the fact is, it has to stop.
:You know, you people don't understand. I've got my mother coming up to me with tears in her eyes and begging me to see this thing end, my father wants to see it end, everybody wants to see it end. And I've tried to end it, I've tried to find someplace to stop it, and there's no place you can end it. But now, I see this is it, it's gonna be a ugly fight [''sic''], it's gonna be a dogfight, and there's gonna be one winner and one loser. And I'm not gonna lose this thing, Owen. I'm going in there with every single thing I got, and I'm gonna beat you, brother. And I just hope, after it's all said and done, that you can live with it.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Vince''': Bret Hart trying to finish this thing once and for all with his baby brother Owen.
:'''Jerry''': See, listen to you calling him a baby.
:'''Vince''': ''Youngest'' brother, he was the baby of the family.
:...
:'''Jerry''': Why do you feel like you have to refer to the WWF Champion as a baby?
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Owen Hart''': My whole family?! What the hell was all that! They're not my flesh and blood! They turned their backs on me! The only one they ever cared about was Bret! I ought to be the winner! I don't know what the hell the British Bulldog is doing! He's not ''my'' brother! He's not ''my'' family, jumping in there and interfering! Bulldog, you stay out of it! Bret, I had you beat.

== [[w:SummerSlam (1995)|1995]] ==

:'''[[w:Michael Hayes (wrestler)|Dok Hendrix]]''': I'm standing here with what is fixin' to be the future WWF Champion. And now, come on, King Mabel. You gave me the first scoop, you've been involving me plan after plan. Come on, tell me, tell me, what's the final plan? Gotta know, gotta know, come on, come on.
:'''King Mabel''': Dok, you, just like everybody else around the world, are just gonna have to wait until it unfolds. Big Daddy Cool, what's the old saying? Fool me once, shame on me; fool me twice; shame on you; but three times? What's your story, Big Daddy Fool? You think the thing with the British Bulldog was the big one?
:'''Dok''': Yeah!
:'''Mabel''': Uh-uh. It's tonight, and you will see. Long live the king.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jerry &quot;The King&quot; Lawler''': Can you imagine poor Hunter Hearst-Helmsley is gonna have to be soiled by this grease monkey with those filthy, greasy fingernails of his, Bob &quot;Spark Plug&quot; Holly. Look at the look on Hunter's face. Oh, this has gotta be...oh, I can't even imagine it myself.
:'''Vince McMahon''': This is degrading for Hunter Hearst-Helmsley?
:'''Jerry''': Without a doubt. 
:'''Vince''': Please.
:'''Jerry''': I mean, that's just two complete opposite worlds. You're looking at the kind of guy over there, in Bob &quot;Spark Plug&quot; Holly, that would spend his honeymoon at a monster truck rally or something, and then you've got a man over here who...his idea of a fast food restaurant would be someplace that could serve Kentucky-fried quail or pheasant under glass.
:'''Vince''': &quot;Kentucky-fried quail.&quot;
:'''Jerry''': Yeah.
:'''Vince''': I see.
:'''Jerry''': Or squab. You ever heard of that?
:'''Vince''': Squab?
:'''Jerry''': Yeah. That's the kind of things Hunter Hearst-Helmsley would eat.
:'''Vince''': Sounds like a detergent. Squab?
:'''Jerry''': You sure you're not from Alabama, like Bob there?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Sunny''': We're back! I'm sure everybody will agree that we were cheated once. And then guess what. We were cheated twice. But tonight, I promise you that third time's the charm for the Body Donnas. And Mr. Barry Horriblewitz will regret ever stepping up to the Body Donnas, and that's a promise. We plan on showing everyone, we plan on teaching Barry Horriblewitz, that good-for-nothing, out-of-shape, natural born loser, a lesson that he and all of you will never soon forget.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Earl Hebner''': ''[to Sunny after she threw in the towel]'' Hey, this is not boxing! This is wrestling! YOU GET OUT!!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jerry''': ''[on Barry Horowitz]'' I knew something was up when I looked at his name, and beside his name in the program, it said, &quot;yeah, right.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jerry''': You've heard of ''Buns of Steel''? I think Bertha Faye's got buns of cinnamon.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jerry''': ''[on [[w:Kane (wrestler)|Isaac Yankem, DDS]]]'' This man has been a great wrestler in the past under an assumed name.
:'''Vince''': What was his assumed name?
:'''Jerry''': I'm not gonna tell you that. He doesn't want them to know. He only wants everybody to know him by his name, and it's ''Yan''kem, not ''Yank''em.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Dok''': Come on, Shawn.
:'''Vince''': You're rooting for Shawn to win?
:'''Dok''': No, I don't care.
:...
:'''Dok''': Come on, Razor.
:'''Vince''': You just said, &quot;come on, Shawn,&quot; earlier.
:'''Dok''': I know. See? I'm very objective.

== [[w:SummerSlam (1996)|1996]] ==

:'''Vince McMahon''': Owen Hart, to a certain extent, following in the footsteps of his older brother, Bret &quot;The Hitman&quot; Hart.
:'''Mr. Perfect''': Do you have to mention his name at SummerSlam around me, McMahon?
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mankind''': There's no place like home, Todd, there's no place like home. For knowledge and discipline, there is no place like home. But as much as I love... ''[licks the side of a boiler]'' ...every square inch within these hallowed halls, it's time to leave, because destiny awaits on the other side. 
:'''Jim Ross''': Was he licking that thing?
:'''Mankind''': But as for you, Dead Man, take this simple warning: do not come in here, because outside the walls awaits you a fate worse than death, and a possible course of events that could alter the future of all mankind! Have a nice day!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mr. Perfect''': Look at Sunny. She looks great, doesn't she?
:'''Jim''': Oh, yeah, just ask her how good she looks, she'll tell ya.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Vince''': ''[on Phineas Godwinn and Zip]'' Here we go, criss-cross action. Where's she gonna stop? ''[Zip stops...]'' Right about there, maybe...''[Phineas and Zip rush to the Smoking Gunns' corner and tag both of them]'' Well, how about that?! 
:'''Jim''': There you go!
:''[They strut back, hug briefly, and go to their respective corners]''
:'''Vince''': Tagged both Gunns in! Look at that!
:'''Mr. Perfect''': Now wait a minute, they're not gonna wrestle each other.
:'''Jim''': They have to, they have no choice.
:'''Mr. Perfect''': No, they got...they gotta have something.
:'''Jim''': They gotta make contact, that's the rules, Perfect.
:'''Vince''': That's right, Billy now must wrestle Bart.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Sunny''': I want everybody to take a real good look right now at the winners and ''still'' World Wrestling Federation Tag Team Champions, and that's the way they're gonna stay! Now before we go and have our victory party, I want all you women to look at the Smoking Gunns, at what real men are supposed to look like. And boys, take a good look at the woman next to you—the fat, the cellulite, how out of shape they are right now. And as I look around here, this place is looking really sorry, so my generous gift to you—to make this building look a whole lot better. Hit it, boys!
:''[A giant pinup of Sunny unravels above the ring]''
:'''Vince''': Unbelievable!
:'''Sunny''':  Don't I look incredible?! Mwah!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jim''': I don't think the fans here miss Cornette. He's about as popular here as Art Modell.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jim Cornette''': I don't care if there's 50,000 stinking people out there, it's gonna make no difference! Shawn Michaels, we've proved a lot of things. We proved that Vader can pin you for a three-count, 'cause he did it last month. We proved that he can beat you up, 'cause he did it on ''Raw''. And now tonight at SummerSlam, we're gonna prove that Vader's gonna beat you when it counts, and that's for the World Wrestling Federation Title. I promised last month that Camp Cornette would win, I promise it tonight that Vader is gonna beat Shawn Michaels. Shawn, when he grabs you around the neck and you try to talk, dude, your voice is gonna sound like Peter Frampton's electronic kazoo in the instrumental break of &quot;Do You Feel Like We Do&quot;, and it's gonna be a bad ride from there! Because one way or another, we're gonna come out on top tonight. Vader's beaten Shawn Michaels once and for all!

== [[w:SummerSlam (1997)|1997]] ==
:''[official promo, with the narrator referring to specific people as they appear]''
:'''Voiceover''': In a perfect world, there would be no villains, no conspicuous manifestations of hate. Athletic excellence would be applauded, sportsmanship would be the rule, our heroes would remain heroes forever.&lt;/br&gt; If life were fair, then this legend ''[Bret Hart]'' would be lauded in his pursuit of a historic fifth World Wrestling Federation championship - instead, he's a fallen idol, America's Public Enemy No 1. The respect abandoned, bludgeoned, and spat upon by a society he feels condones defiance, and perpetuates hate. If life were fair, then this mighty champion ''[Undertaker]'', this survivor of deception and conqueror of earthly hells would surely revel in the championship spotlight. The bright lights wouldn't singe his aura, illuminating a dark, horrifying secret from his distant past. And if life were fair, then this man ''[Shawn Michaels]'' might still be champion. Dancing, flying, showcasing his extraordinary talents to legions of fans. He wouldn't be an athlete betrayed by an unwilling knee, a man surrendering a boyhood dream for a lost smile of youth. &lt;/br&gt; Is it fair that tonight, even in victory, this champion ''[Undertaker]'' would be haunted by personal demons whose voices cry out from the dark? Is it fair that tonight, this man ''[Bret]'' may rewrite history yet still incur the wrath of a hostile and unappreciative nation? And is it fair that tonight's special referee ''[Shawn]'' is a despised enemy of the challenger? Will vengeance flow ruinous from his biased heart, ensuring that tonight will be the last night Bret Hart ever wrestles in this country again?&lt;/br&gt; Life isn't fair... but who ever said it would be?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Vince McMahon''': Mankind, better known...well, not ''better'' known as, but certainly known as Mick Foley, grew up not all that far, grew up here in the tri-state area out on Long Island.
:'''Jerry &quot;The King&quot; Lawler''': Well, that explains what's wrong with him.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Ken Shamrock''': GET OUTTA MY WAY!!!
:...
:'''Vince''': Ken Shamrock. Although one cannot applaud the actions of Ken Shamrock, you certainly can't applaud what set this volcano off.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jim Ross''': Miguel Perez, whose father wrestled in the '50s and '60s, a great tag team competitor in the WWF. Partners with the late Antonino Rocca.
:'''Vince''': And following in his dad's footsteps, a tremendous competitor.
:'''Jim''': King, did you ever wrestle Antonino Rocca in the early '60s?
:'''Vince''': Stop this.
:'''Jerry''': Who?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jerry''': Four guys with bad attitudes. You know, the show ''America's Most Wanted'' was based on DOA.
:'''Jim''': I don't think John Walsh has ever spoke with the DOA, at least on a first-person basis.
:...
:'''Jerry''': You trying to tell me Crush has never been in trouble with the law? Huh? Shoot, his family portrait is a courtroom sketch.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Michael Cole''': Mr. Austin. Mr. Austin. Stone Cold. I need a quick word with you before the match.
:'''Stone Cold Steve Austin''': Yeah I got a quick word for you. Get out of here!
:'''Michael''': Mr. Austin, are you prepared? Are you prepared to put your reputation on the line tonight? You would have to kiss Owen's backside if you lose in front of all these people 20,000 people. A million people out there on pay per view. Mr. Austin, are you ready?
:'''Austin''': You're fixing to kiss my ass if you don't get your little ass out of my face. You got that? You and your stupid little bow tie. You don't impress me none, you little piece of trash!
:'''Vince''': Uh, Michael perhaps a little overzealous there. He doesn't know Stone Cold all that well.
:'''Jerry''': A man of few words, but one of them is a-double-s.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Vince''': What's gonna happen in the next match-up? Shawn Michaels cares about his own career, and obviously also cares, in a negative way, as it relates to the Hitman, Bret Hart. What sort of emotion is Shawn Michaels feeling as the guest referee?
:'''Jerry''': Are you kidding me? Shawn Michaels's ego is so big that it's got its own ZIP code, McMahon. All he cares about is what his hair looks like out here tonight. And you know what? Speaking of the Undertaker, Shawn Michaels...I mean, he's so full of himself, when he goes to a funeral, he's upset because he's not the corpse. He wants to be the center of attention, and tonight, some kind of way, he will manage to be the center of attention in this match.
:'''Vince''': And the Hitman Bret Hart said he didn't mean it literally, he meant it figuratively when he stated he would never wrestle again in the United States if he didn't win the WWF Championship. I'm sure he is regretting that comment.
:'''Jim''': Well, it's officially in the contract, so it is a done deal. If Bret Hart doesn't leave this arena, ladies and gentlemen, tonight here at SummerSlam with the WWF Championship, Bret...this will be Bret Hart's last match ever in the United States.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Bret &quot;Hitman&quot; Hart''': I'd like everybody to stand back and listen to the Canadian national anthem, and I just want to dedicate this match to all my fellow Canadians, to all my fans all over the world that feel the same way as I do about America and Americans. This is for you.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jim''': Now all the other WWF referees are gonna want pyro.
:'''Vince''': Music, pyro, yeah.
:'''Jerry''': Earl Hebner would look good in front of a Roman candle.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Shawn confronts Bret with the chair]''
:'''Vince''': Shawn Michaels with that chair that Bret tried to throw out of the ring. ''[Shawn pulls him off of the Undertaker]'' Maybe Michaels has had enough. Michaels was on the outside and did not see...
:''[Bret spits in Shawn's face]''
:'''Jerry''': Uh-oh!
:''[Shawn tries to hit Bret with the chair, but Bret ducks and Shawn hits the Undertaker instead]''
:'''Jim''': Good God! Good God!
:''[Bret covers Undertaker and waves Shawn over to count. Shawn counts to three and leaves.]''
:'''Vince''': I can't believe this.
:''[Undertaker leaves the ring]''
:'''Jim''': This is horrible.
:'''Vince''': And the Undertaker is going after Shawn Michaels.
:'''Howard Finkel''': The winner of this bout and NEW World Wrestling Federation Champion: Bret &quot;Hitman&quot; Hart!
:'''Vince''': The impossible has happened at this year's SummerSlam; and the Undertaker, with one last glance back at Bret Hart, as Bret Hart kisses the gold. And Bret Hart, somehow, is once again WWF Champion.
:'''Jim''': Bret Hart now immersing himself in the Maple Leaf. There's gotta be jubilation in Canada, perhaps jubilation in the United Kingdom and Germany, but there is no joy in East Rutherford, New Jersey, tonight.
:'''Vince''': We would like to take you back and show you how this happened.
:'''Jim''': This is shocking.
:'''Vince''': ''[off replay]'' Alright, here Shawn picked up the chair.
:'''Jerry''': He busted the Undertaker's brains out, but right now he's realizing if he don't count, he's gone too.
:'''Jim''': I don't understand that.
:'''Jerry''': What's not to understand?
:'''Vince''': And now Bret Hart being joined by all the other Hart Foundation members. Bret Hart, with the Maple Leaf draped around his neck, the flag of Canada, and the WWF Championship back around his waist for the fifth time, and it happened here in America.

== [[w:SummerSlam (1998)|1998]] ==

:'''Val Venis''': Hello ladies!
:'''Jerry &quot;The King&quot; Lawler''': Are there any ''ladies'' in New York City?
:'''Jim Ross''': Of course there are.
:'''Jerry''': Of the night.
:'''Venis''': So the Big Valbowski has arrived to the Big Apple. Well, you know something? I came, I saw...and I came again.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jerry''': Is D'Lo ''from'' Europe?
:'''Jim''': No, he's not, he's from Jersey.
:'''Jerry''': Jersey?
:'''Jim''': Right hand by D'Lo Brown.
:'''Jerry''': I think it's Lisbon or Munich.
:'''Jim''': Or Hoboken.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jerry''': The Rock's swinging that ladder just like Mark McGwire's swinging a baseball bat.
:'''Jim''': Why don't we ever talk about Sammy Sosa? Never mind.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jim''': No WWF Champion has ever entered Madison Square Garden with that kind of ovation! I challenge you, I challenge you to research that, King! I literally felt this building shake!
:'''Jerry''': Okay, I'll give you that. Every single soul is on their feet with anticipation! They love Stone Cold Steve Austin. But a lot of them love the Undertaker too. This is truly gonna be the collision on the highway to Hell.

== [[w:SummerSlam (1999)|1999]] ==

:'''Jim Ross''': The Rock just put Billy Gunn's face in that large woman's ass!

== [[w:SummerSlam (2002)|2002]] ==
:'''Jim Ross''': ''(After Triple H strikes Shawn Michaels twice with his sledgehammer after their match)'' I refuse to believe what I see, I refuse to believe that after the most courageous victory that many of us had ever seen, that son of a bitch used that hammer on Shawn, he's hit him twice with that sledgehammer! ''(Triple H performs a crotch chop to the incapacitated Michaels before leaving)'' My god almighty, Triple H is gonna rot.
:'''Jerry &quot;The King&quot; Lawler''': Hurry, hurry, get the....
:'''Jim''': He's gonna rot in hell for what he did here tonight. ''(EMT's attend to Michaels as Triple H smirks)'' This just makes me sick.
:'''Jerry''': Are you proud of yourself now?! Look at him! Look at that stinkin' smile on his face!
:'''Jim''': How in god's name can that human being be from this planet? How can he, does he have no conscience? Does he have no heart?! Do you have no soul?! You son of a bitch! Do you realize what you've just done?!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Michael Cole''': ''(after Brock Lesnar wins the WWE Undisputed Championship)'' &quot;The Next Big Thing&quot; has arrived!

== [[w:SummerSlam (2006)|2006]] ==
:'''Nature Boy Ric Flair''': ''(when the referee declares Mick Foley unable to continue in their I Quit match)'' This isn't a &quot;lay down on your ass&quot; match, it's an I Quit match!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Flair''': ''(shouting at Melina while grinding a barbed wired baseball bat into Mick Foley's eye)'' I'll kill you too, you stupid bitch!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Flair''': ''(after Melina throws in the towel to save Mick Foley from any more punishment from Flair)'' She... ''She'' does not quit for him. He quits!

== [[w:SummerSlam (2009)|2009]] ==
:'''Josh Mathews''': Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome my guest at this time, CM Punk. Punk, tonight, you have an opportunity to become the World Heavyweight Champion once again. What are your thoughts going into this Tables, Ladders &amp; Chairs match with Jeff Hardy?
:'''CM Punk''': I would love to talk to you about that right now, Josh, but there's something else I want to bring up, and that's this. ''(Holds up a screenplay entitled &quot;Live For The Moment: The Jeff Hardy Story&quot;)'' I had a friend at a fancy Hollywood agency the other day, and he ran across this little gem. Somebody actually took the time to write a screenplay about the Jeff Hardy story. So I was paging through it, and lo and behold, it culminates, of course, with Jeff conquering his demons and beating me here tonight in a TLC match at SummerSlam. What a great feelgood story, Josh, all except, of course, for the ending, which is not reality-based. It's fake, it's phony, just like everybody who lives in [[w:Los Angeles|this town]]. I'd go as far as to say that ''I'm'' the only real person in this building right now. I wish I could say it's a Los Angeles epidemic, but the fact is it's worldwide. You have people that falsely idolize what they see in movies and on television; you have housewives in Iowa that subscribe to ''U.S. Weekly'', ''US Weekly'', or whatever it's called, so they can model their hair after Kate Gosselin, instead of helping their own children with their homework; you have little kids all over the world, millions of them, who idolize the &quot;hip, cool star&quot;, and it doesn't matter if that hip cool star is some dork vampire in ''Twilight'', or if it's Jeff Hardy. It doesn't matter if that hip cool star has a reprehensible, reckless lifestyle. You know, it doesn't matter if the collective intelligence of this entire country continues to spiral downward, day in and day out. It doesn't matter as long as it's ''cool'', right? You know why they don't make movies about a guy like me? It's cause I don't support your poisoned society. I don't support this...this den of iniquity known as Hollywood. No, instead, I'm dismissed as being preachy, except I'm not preachy—I never have been. I just tell the truth. You know, I'm not a screenwriter either, but tonight I think I'll take a stab at it. Tonight I'm gonna rewrite the ending of &quot;The Jeff Hardy Story&quot;. It's gonna be horrifying. It's gonna be very, very graphic. It might be hard to watch for a lot of people, but it will have a happy ending: ''new'' World Heavyweight Champion—CM Punk. ''[He drops the screenplay and walks away]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Todd Grisham:''' NO! [After Jeff Hardy delivers a Swanton Bomb to CM Punk off a ladder] OH MY GOD I DON'T BELIEVE WHAT I JUST SAW!

== [[w:SummerSlam (2010)|2010]] ==
:'''[[w:Mike Mizanin|The Miz]]''': So I guess the question is: should I join team WWE or not? Hm… it’s a good question. What do you think? Do you all think that I should join team WWE? ''(crowd cheers)'' Well it’s a good thing I could care less about what you people think. Because the opinion in the locker room is that I am the missing link. I’m the missing puzzle piece, I’m the missing link in the chain that will lead team WWE to victory. You all saw it. Last Monday night on ''Raw'' Bret Hart and John Cena both asked me to be on team WWE. But what you didn’t see is what happened earlier today when I arrived at Staples Center. John Cena came up to me and he admitted that he’s been wrong about what he has been saying about the Miz. John Cena got down on his knees and begged me to be a part of team WWE, saying without me they can’t do it. John Cena literally said I’m the only superstar that can see him. Bret “The Hitman” Hart, a Hall of Famer, said I was the real Excellence of Execution, that I am the best there is, was and ever will be. Chris Jericho gave me his band CD Fozzy and I graciously accepted it but then threw it in the trash… My former Tag Team partner John Morrison finally said he is the Marty Jannetty of our former tag team and I am the Shawn Michaels, only better. Edge gave me a year’s supply of Slim Jims, R-Truth wrote me a crappy rap… As you can see everyone has admitted that they needed me on team WWE, except ALL OF YOU. ''(crowd boos)'' The WWE Universe needs to realize I am the fastest rising star, that I am WWE's new hope -no I am WWE's only hope. ''(crowd boos)'' I am the future. You get me people? I AM THE FUTURE, this face, I am the United States Champion, I’m a future WWE Champion. You people need to realize that. But I guess we need to get to the big decision. What’s it gonna be Miz? This decision is bigger than the Pepsi Challenge, it’s bigger than Arnold Schwarzenegger starring in Terminator 5, it is bigger (laughs) than the LeBron James spectacle on ESPN – which will ultimately lead to the Lakers losing the NBA Championship. ''(crowd boos)''  The question is: am I going to join team WWE? The answer is … yes. I will join team WWE and I will lead them to victory. The WWE Universe will not be talking they will not be buzzing about the Nexus… no, they won’t be looking up to their hero John Cena, no, you will be saying, you will be admitting to what I’ve been saying all along: that I am the Miz, and I’m… -no, no, no, no, no. You don’t get to do my catchphrase.  If any of you have anything to say to me, you raise your hand and you wait, you wait to be called upon. Until then I want absolute silence. ''(crowd boos)'' … Because I’m the Miz and I’M AWESOME!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Michael Cole''': ''[as the Miz enters]'' Yes, the man I believe is going to be the key to Team WWE.
:'''John Cena''': Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold it, hold up. Wait a second. Miz, I got news for you: you're way, way, way too late. We realize how important this match is to WWE and we couldn't rely on somebody who was gonna make their decision the day ''of'' SummerSlam. So we all have gone out and found a seventh member of Team WWE. It's not you. As a matter of fact, it's somebody that hates the Nexus just as much as all of us. The seventh member of Team WWE is Daniel Bryan.
:'''Michael''': What?
:'''Jerry''': Daniel Bryan?
:'''Michael''': ''[as Bryan walks down the aisle]'' You've gotta be kidding me! 
:'''Jerry''': It ''is'' Daniel Bryan!
:'''Michael''': This is ridiculous! This is a huge mistake! Daniel Bryan was the Miz's rookie on NXT, and now he's part of Team WWE! And here we go!
:''[Team WWE charges into the ring]''
:'''Matt Striker''': Here we go! The American Dragon has arrived at SummerSlam!

== [[w:SummerSlam (2011)|2011]] ==

:'''The Miz''': Ladies and gentlemen, back by popular demand, the most must-see WWE Champion of ALL TIME, the Miz has returned to SummerSlam! I just wanna take this time to thank each and every one of you for your insistence that I compete tonight and for your unwavering support. So now I want you to sit back and relax and watch as I steal the show like only I can because...
:''[Interrupted by R-Truth's single entry quote as he comes down the aisle]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Now that was pretty rude.
:'''R-Truth''': Yo, Miz! I don't know why you wanna thank these people here in Los Angeles. You know how I hate spiders, Miz? You see, spiders start with the letter S... ''[Audience yells &quot;WHAT?!&quot;]''...just like SummerSlam starts with the letter S. ''[WHAT?!]'' Don't &quot;what&quot; me! ''[What?!]'' And singing at SummerSlam is Cee-Lo Green. ''[WHAT?!]'' You know what else starts with the letter C? ''[WHAT?!]'' Conspiracy. You see what I mean?! ''[WHAT?!]'' Next time y'all &quot;what&quot; me...
:''[Interrupted by Alberto Del Rio's music, who drives in in a [[w:Ferrari California|Ferrari California]]]''
:'''Jerry &quot;The King&quot; Lawler''': This is SummerSlam, I thought we were on ''Sesame Street'' there for a minute.
:'''Booker T''': Wow, just in time.
:'''Michael''': You're on a street paved with gold now.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''John Laurinaitis''': I want you to tell me directly that that kick was accidental, 'cause I will not allow you to impugn my integrity or challenge my authority as Executive Vice President of Talent Relations. So I want a public apology for what happened last Monday night right now.
:'''CM Punk''': ''[mockingly]'' I'm sorry. Please forgive me and humbly accept my apology, Mr. John Laurinaitis, Senior Executive of Talent Relations...
:'''Laurinaitis''': Executive Vice President.
:'''CM Punk''': Executive Vice President of Talent Relations. I'm sorry.
:''[He makes a few faces and Laurinaitis walks away. He turns around to find Stephanie McMahon]''
:'''Stephanie McMahon''': I just came to wish you luck tonight.
:'''CM Punk''': ''[looking over his shoulders]'' You came here to wish ''me'' luck?
:'''Stephanie''': I did.
:'''CM Punk''': I find that hard to believe. Why don't you go run along and talk to your husband, the new COO of WWE; or you know, better yet, why don't you go wish your daddy luck? I mean, I know he doesn't run day-to-day operations around here anymore—thank God!—but I know he's still chairman of the board.
:'''Stephanie''': Well, I actually did speak to both my husband and my father and, believe it or not, they both wish you luck too, as well as John Cena. But what would I know? I'm just Vince McMahon's clueless daughter, right?
:'''CM Punk''': Yeah, more or less, you're pretty clueless, but I didn't say it, you did. I called you idiotic.
:'''Stephanie''': ''[shrugging and extending her hand]'' Good luck.
:'''CM Punk''': I would, but I know where that hand's been.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''R-Truth''': There's no way we shoulda lost that. It's a C-O-N...what do you think about this, Jimmy Hart? What do you think?
:'''Jimmy Hart''': You know, Truth, I've been watching you. You know, you need somebody to take you to the top because...you're good, but you need somebody to take you to the top. Look what I've done—I've managed the Honky Tonk Man, I've had Money Inc., I've had the Hart Foundation. You need somebody to watch your back and, like I said again, take you to the top. You need somebody to watch over you to make sure you don't get got by the conspiracy. You need someone like me. You need me because you got think big. You gotta think big in this business.
:'''R-Truth''': You make a lot of sense, Jimmy. A lot of sense. It's a big world, it's a big business. You ''gotta'' think big. Everything's big. I had it wrong all along. Think big and not little, Jimmy.
:'''Jimmy''': Not little.
:'''R-Truth''': Little Jimmy? You Little Jimmy?
:'''Jimmy''': ''[scared]'' I'm not Little Jimmy.
:'''R-Truth''': You smell like Little Jimmy!
:'''Jimmy''': I don't smell...I'm not Little Jimmy!
:'''R-Truth''': You talkin' 'bout Little Jimmy?!
:'''Jimmy''': No, no, I wasn't. I wasn't.
:'''R-Truth''': Where's Little Jimmy at?!
:'''Jimmy''': ''[running away]'' I don't know where Little Jimmy is!
:'''R-Truth''': Every time I turn around, Little Jimmy! Little Jimmy's conspiracies everywhere! Getting tired of this. ''[Turns to his right]'' What y'all lookin' at?!
:''[He walks away as the camera turns to show Ron Artest and his daughter Diamond]''
:'''Diamond Artest''': ''[to Ron]'' And they say ''you'' need counseling?
:'''Ron Artest''': It's okay.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jerry''': ''[on Daniel Bryan]'' I like the beard on him, I like the new look on Daniel Bryan...
:'''Michael''': You know how long it took him to grow that beard? About two months! Actually, I believe he hasn't even shaved yet. Like, forever.
:'''Jerry''': What is Daniel Bryan gonna have to do to make a believer out of you? Is there anything possible he can do to make you a Daniel Bryan fan? What?
:'''Michael''': Yeah, quit.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Edge''': As most of you probably know, ''[to Christian]'' as you know, ''[to random fans]'' as you know, as you know, heck, as you know, the WWE doctors...the WWE have told me that I'll never physically be cleared to compete here ever again. ''[Audience boos]'' Trust me, I booed too, okay? It was a bitter pill to swallow. But you know what? When I left, I was actually happy. I was happy. Here's the thing. Because I felt that I was part of passing the torch to Christian. I felt like...like maybe I opened the door a crack for you and you kicked it wide open and I was so proud of you. You finally became the World Heavyweight Champion and no one deserved it more than you. Hey, hear me out. Here's the thing. I thought it was unfair that Teddy Long made you defend the Championship five days after a ladder match. We both agreed on that. You didn't think it was fair, I didn't think it was fair. And then you came and you complained about it the next week, and the week after that, and the week after that, and the week after that, the week after that, the week after that, the week after that, so on, and so on, and so on, and so on, and so on. You whined, you moaned, you asked for opportunity after opportunity, rematch after rematch, and you got it. You won back the World Heavyweight Championship—two-time World Heavyweight Champion. But you did it by disqualification? I mean, trust me, I did some horrible things in here, some really heinous things, but I always did it with style. I always did it with some panache. I wasn't boring. I didn't hide behind lawyers, I didn't hide behind suits and clipboards. Somewhere along the line, Christian, you became a disgrace to yourself. You're better than that, you know it. And I love ya. 'Til the day I die, you will be my best friend, that's never gonna change, but you need to hear this from me 'cause you're not gonna listen to it from anybody else—I didn't know my best friend would become a whining, crying, moaning little bitch.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Michael''': Talking to one vet earlier on today when he...well, he compared Triple H as the COO and as the referee of this match-up akin to a police officer making an arrest, and then that same police officer also being the judge in the same case. A little conflict of interest perhaps, that's how many people view this.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Michael''': ''[as CM Punk celebrates his win, becoming undisputed WWE Champion]'' What a SummerSlam, ladies and gentlemen, here tonight in Los Angeles. What a SummerSlam. ''[Punk turns around to find Kevin Nash, who clotheslines him] Wait a minute, oh my God! Who the hell?! Who the hell is that?!
:'''Booker T''': What the hell?
:'''Michael''': Kevin Nash! That's Kevin Nash!
:''[Triple H walks back to the ring shocked]''
:'''Booker T''': You got to be kidding! That's my big homey!
:'''Michael''': What is he doing here?! ''[Nash powerbombs Punk]'' Oh my God, the Jackknife Powerbomb! ''[Nash leaves through the audience as Triple H looks on in bewilderment. Meanwhile, Del Rio walks down with a referee and the briefcase]'' Oh my lo...OH MY GOD, Alberto Del Rio, Mr. Money in the Bank...
:'''Booker T''': Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh, my goodness.
:'''Michael''': ...with a referee in tow!
:'''Booker T''': Timing is everything!
:''[Del Rio hands the briefcase to the referee, who orders the impromptu match to begin]''
:'''Michael''': Del Rio! Del Rio with the Money in the Bank contract! He's cashing it in!
:'''Jerry''': ''[the bell rings]'' Alberto Del Rio cashing in his Money in the Bank contract!
:'''Michael''': CM Punk...
:'''Booker T''': I don't believe this.
:'''Michael''': ...taken out by Nash! ''[Del Rio kicks Punk in the head]'' Del Rio, kick to the back of the head! The cover! ''[The ref counts to three]'' Oh, my lord! Del Rio's Champion! Del Rio's Champion!
:'''Justin Roberts''': The winner of this match and NEW WWE Champion: Alberto Del Rio!
:'''Jerry''': ''[as Del Rio celebrates, being handed the title]'' This is absolutely unbelievable! What a turn of events!
:'''Michael''': Pandemomium at SummerSlam!
:'''Booker T''': What this is, guys, this is destiny tonight for Alberto Del Rio!
:'''Jerry''': But what was Kevin Nash doing here?!
:'''Michael''': Triple H trying to figure out...trying to make sense of everything that has happened here.
:'''Jerry''': As ''we'' are. This is total chaos. I think that Alberto Del Rio is now the undisputed WWE Champion.
:'''Michael''': He is! He is!
:'''Booker T''': Did you say &quot;think&quot;? Alberto Del Rio is the new WWE Champion here tonight at SummerSlam! He cashed it in!
:'''Michael''': Triple H has no idea what's happened. Del Rio cashed in his Money in the Bank contract...
:'''Jerry''': But he did it after CM Punk was laid out by Kevin Nash, who had...what the hell was he doing here?! Well, there's our undisputed Champion, Alberto Del Rio! What just happened?!

== [[w:SummerSlam (2012)|2012]] ==

:'''Jerry &quot;The King&quot; Lawler''': ''[on the &quot;YES!&quot; chants]'' The chants are really getting to Daniel Bryan.
:'''Michael Cole''': I'm gonna point out what I've been saying all along. This is extremely unfair for Daniel Bryan. The crowd's distracting him.
:'''Jerry''': You just really can't make up your mind, can you? You're indecisive. I remember when you couldn't stand Daniel Bryan; now you're at the top of his fan club.
:'''Michael''': Well, he's won me over.
:'''Jerry''': I heard you've got a seven-year-old son you haven't named yet. Come on, make up your mind about things, Cole.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Michael''': ''[after Triple H had tapped out to Brock Lesnar]'' You have to wonder if this is the end for Triple H.
:''[Triple H can't find the words and walks back]''
:'''Jerry''': Wow, I think he just said goodbye.

== [[w:SummerSlam (2013)|2013]] ==

:'''Damien Sandow''': Throughout literary history, there have been several prolific pairings. Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson; to dumb it down for all of you halfwits, Batman and Robin. Each duo had something in common—there was a leader and an inferior sidekick or lackey. Cody Rhodes was my sidekick, and tonight I send him back from whence he came, from his family of carnival clowns. SILENCE! Team Rhodes Scholars could have been the ultimate prolific pairing. But tonight, I send Cody back to the pairing he was destined for,with his father—Dumb and Dumber. You're welcome.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Lilian Garcia''': And his opponent, from San...''[Alberto stops her and whispers into her ear]'' Ladies and gentlemen, Alberto Del Rio is insisting that I introduce him in Spanish. ''Desde San Luis Potosí, Mexico, pesando doscientos treinta y nueve libras. Él es el campeón de peso completo, Alberto Del Rio!''
:'''Jerry &quot;The King&quot; Lawler''': Lilian had better be careful. We know what happened to the [[w:Ricardo Rodriguez (wrestler)|''last'' ring announcer]] for Alberto Del Rio.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Daniel Bryan hits a running knee on Cena]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Bryan for a cover, hook of the leg...''[Triple H counts to three]'' HE DID IT! DANIEL BRYAN DID IT! DANIEL BRYAN IS WWE CHAMPION!
:'''Jerry''': Oh man!
:'''Justin Roberts''': The winner of this match and NEW WWE Champion: Daniel Bryan!
:'''Michael''': The fairytale has come true! The dream of a lifetime! The decade of perseverance and hard work has paid off! Daniel Bryan is on top of the world!
:'''John &quot;Bradshaw&quot; Layfield''': It's said before, but they're right—miracles can happen!
:'''Michael''': Daniel Bryan is WWE Champion!
:'''Jerry''': The beard is here, and the Champ is here!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jerry''': This could be the year of the beard.
:'''Loudspeaker''': I hear voices in my head...
:'''Michael''': Oh my God. Oh my God!
:'''JBL''': You've gotta be kidding me.
:'''Michael''': Mr. Money in the Bank, Randy Orton, briefcase and contract in tow.
:'''JBL''': Randy Orton's gonna cash in.
:''[Randy stops before ringside]''
:'''Michael''': Is Randy Orton gonna ruin Bryan's moment? ''[Randy holds the briefcase up, takes a few steps toward the ring...]'' The Champ not backing down. ''[...then turns around and walks back]'' And Randy Orton with a little message, just a little reminder to the WWE Champion.
:'''Jerry''': Yeah. &quot;I'm still here.&quot;
:'''Daniel Bryan''': ''[as Randy stops halfway up and turns around]'' YES!
:'''Crowd''': ''[chanting]'' YES!
:'''Jerry''': Wait a minute.
:''[Triple H turns Daniel around, kicks him in the gut...]''
:'''Michael''': Oh my God! OH MY GOD!
:'''JBL''': What are you doing?!
:'''Michael''': What the hell?! ''[...and Pedigrees him. Randy enters the ring and hands the briefcase to Triple H.]'' Oh my God, no. Oh my God, no! Hunter, what are you doing?!
:'''Triple H''': ''[handing the briefcase to the announcer]'' Ring the bell now. Ring it.
:'''Michael''': Hunter, what are you doing? This match is underway. Bryan's out cold. ''[Randy turns Daniel onto his back and covers him.]'' Randy Orton...''[Triple H counts to three, with the crowd counting alongside him]'' Randy Orton has cashed in Money in the Bank. Randy Orton is a seven-time WWE Champion.
:'''Justin''': The winner of this match and NEW WWE Champion: Randy Orton!
:'''Jerry''': Oh my God! Triple H, wha...?
:'''JBL''': What the hell just happened?
:'''Michael''': ''[struggling to say it]'' It just isn't real.
:'''JBL''': Talk about a damper on the party. This is the damnedest SummerSlam I've ever seen.
:'''Michael''': You've gotta be kidding me.
:'''JBL''': You can't help but feel bad for Daniel Bryan.
:'''Michael''': Daniel Bryan...Daniel Bryan.
:'''Jerry''': Well, you know what, guys? Look at it this way—Mr. McMahon just got ''his'' wish. He didn't want Cena to be Champion, and he sure as hell didn't want Daniel Bryan to be Champion.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jerry''': Randy Orton didn't even have to do a thing. After that Pedigree, he just turned Daniel Bryan over, covered him, and the Game counted 1-2-3; we got a new WWE Champion. What on Earth have we just witnessed? What does this mean?! What's gonna happen?!

== [[w:SummerSlam (2014)|2014]] ==

:'''The Miz''': In a summer dominated with [[w:Transformers: Age of Extinction|talking robots]], [[w:Dawn of the Planet of the Apes|talking monkeys]], and [[w:Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014 film)|talking Ninja Turtles]], tonight, you are blessed in be in a presence with a real-life, non-CGI movie star. A man who possesses something that [[w:Guardians of the Galaxy (film)|Drax the Destroyer]] to [[w:Hercules (2014 film)|Hercules]] to every single person in this town wishes they had—''[points to his face]'' this, the moneymaker. See, tonight, I wanna make Dolph Ziggler go from a bright, shiny star that everybody's been talking about, to an unrecognizable failure. In other words, I'm gonna make WWE Dolph Ziggler, Superstar, the WWE version of the Lakers.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Michael Cole''': ''[on Maria Menounos]'' She once called me her favorite host of all time at WrestleMania.
:'''Jerry &quot;The King&quot; Lawler''': What?
:'''John &quot;Bradshaw&quot; Layfield''': She later admitted that she was under the influence.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''JBL''': On Paige's 22nd birthday, she becomes a 2-time Divas Champion!
:'''Jerry''': Guys, we've had two matches and two title changes here tonight.
:'''Michael''': What an incredible performance by Paige, and what a counter, guys, of AJ's Black Widow submission maneuver.
:'''JBL''': What an incredible SummerSlam so far! Happy birthday, Paige!
:''[Paige sits a barely conscious AJ up and hugs her, gives her a kiss, and shoves her back down. She skips around the ring]''
:'''Jerry''': Look at...look at this.
:'''JBL''': Paige ''does'' have affection, she ''does'' love AJ.
:'''Jerry''': Come on, this is... As you said, Michael, that's a little creepy.
:'''Michael''': Whack-job.
:'''JBL''': Champion.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Michael''': What a specimen. ''[Brock picks up Cena over his shoulders]'' Oh, my God, Cena on top. Brock Lesnar. Brock Lesnar going for the F-5. ''[Lesnar hits the F-5 and covers Cena]'' For the Championship, Lesnar with the cover. ''[Referee counts to three]''  Lesnar has won the WWE World Title in convincing fashion!
:'''Justin Roberts''': The winner of this match...and NEW WWE World Heavyweight Champion: Brock Lesnar!
:'''JBL''': That is the most dominating performance I have ever seen in a championship match in my life.
:'''Michael''': It wasn't even close.
:'''JBL''': My God.
:'''Michael''': Lesnar has conquered John Cena.
:'''JBL''': Lesnar destroyed a 15-time World Champion, he destroyed the Streak. This man, Brock Lesnar, is unstoppable.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Michael''': This was a merciless assault.
:'''JBL''': I think Brock could've ended it earlier. He just didn't want to. I never dreamed I would see this happen to John Cena.
:'''Michael''': What a 2014 for Brock Lesnar - the most dominant year of any athlete here in WWE! He stops the undefeated streak at WrestleMania of the Undertaker, and he slays John Cena!
:'''Paul Heyman''': ''[to Brock]'' You are the conqueror, and you've conquered the WWE Universe!

== [[w:SummerSlam (2015)|2015]] ==

:'''[[Jon Stewart]]''': You know, I've spent the last 16 years talking about politics; it's nice to be back in reality.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Xavier Woods''': Brooklyn, now, we know that your city is used to feeling filthy and disgusting, so we brought you some positivity. I mean, look at how clean we are. Everybody, get your cameras out and see how good we look!
:'''John &quot;Bradshaw&quot; Layfield''': They are clean.
:'''Kofi Kingston''': You see, today, we're gonna teach up about a little something called hip...hop, something that New York doesn't know anything about. Y'all don't know nothing about hip-hop, because hip-hop originated in the South.
:'''Xavier''': [[w:Yeah! (Usher song)|Peace up, A-Town down!]]
:'''Kofi''': So it goes a little something like this. ''[The New Day enters the ring]'' Hold on now, come on, come on. You know Jay-Z's tried this, but Jay-Z failed. The good news is the New Day's about to make it a whole lot better. All right, pitch pipes to C. Pitch pipes to C.
:'''Big E''': Got it.
:''[The New Day blows into their pipes]''
:'''Kofi''': ''[to tune of &quot;[[w:Empire State of Mind|Empire State of Mind]]&quot;] Let's hear it for New Day''
:'''Xavier''': ''Negativity won't affect us
:'''Kofi''': ''Clap 'cause it's infectious''
:'''Xavier''': ''Let's hear it for New Day''
:'''Big E''': ''All those other tag teams are booty''
:''Yeah, I said booty''
:'''Xavier''': ''Let's hear it for New Day''
:'''New Day''': ''New Day, New Daaa...[brief stop for breath]...aaayyyyy''
:...
:'''JBL''': Jay-Z's gonna sign those guys if he can afford 'em.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Xavier''': Tricep meat all day long! Big E's got the market cornered on tricep meat! You can't even get a hamburger in WWE because Big E sells nothing but tricep meat!
:'''JBL''': That's what happens when you have a Ph.D, Michael—you've got a lot to say like Xavier Woods.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jon''': Paul Heyman, I'm a big fan. I call you the Apex Orator.
:'''Paul Heyman''': Thank you. I consider that a compliment.
:'''Jon''': It is a compliment. May I have a word with Mr. Lesnar?
:'''Paul''': Now's not really a good time.
:'''Jon''': Because I'm an Undertaker guy, is that what this is?
:'''Paul''': Well...that's not the only reason, but if I may. What happened when your ''guy'' fought my Beast, what do you got to say about that?
:'''Jon''': You're pretty happy about that, right? The victory. You know who wasn't happy about that? Wrestling fans. See, that's what I am; I'm a wrestling fan. And the Undertaker had perfection. He had a streak that hadn't been seen, 21-0. You know who people remember? [[w:Joe DiMaggio|Joe DiMaggio]] and [[w:Hitting streak|his streak]]. You know who they ''don't'' remember? [[w:Ken Keltner|The guy who ended that streak]]. So let me ask you something. When you watched WrestleMania, were you happy to see the fans' faces, the disappointment and the sadness of those people who paid good money to come out and see perfection? But there you were as the advocate, rubbing salt, salt in the wound of every wrestling fan everywhere. They came out there to WrestleMania that day hoping to see magic, perfection. It was Christmas morning, they had that present, they opened it up, and they didn't get a puppy. You know what they got, you know what you gave them, you and the guy with the head and the shoulders and the dagger on the chest? You know what you gave them? Coal. Are you happy about that? What do you have to say about that?
:'''Paul''': ''[to tune of &quot;Battle Hymn of the Republic&quot;] Glory, glory, Brock Lesnar''
:''Glory, glory, Brock Lesnar''
:I guess we couldn't get David Letterman to host the show tonight.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[As Jon Stewart runs into the Cena-Rollins match with a chair, between the two]''
:'''JBL''': What is Jon Stewart doing?
:'''Jerry &quot;The King&quot; Lawler''': Jon Stewart?
:'''JBL''': He told Cena in the pre-show, &quot;if you need any help, I'm there.&quot;
:'''Michael''': Well, remember Stewart's had major issues with Rollins on his old ''Daily Show''.
:'''Jerry''': Jon, don't do this. You cannot do this.
:'''JBL''': Jon Stewart has no business being in there, none. It's a World Championship match, get him out of there!
:'''Jerry''': I can't believe this.
:'''Michael''': Cena has no idea what's going on, he can't even see. ''[Jon rams Cena in the stomach with the chair]'' Oh, come on! What the hell did he do that for?!
:''[Jon throws the chair at Seth's feet and scurries out of the ring. Seth hits the Pedigree on Cena]''
:'''Jerry''': Jon Stewart, what have you done?!
:'''Michael''': Pedigree on the chair! A Pedigree on the chair! ''[Rollins tosses the chair out and covers Cena]'' Rollins is gonna win the US Title! You gotta be kidding me!
:'''JBL''': What did Jon Stewart do that for?!
:'''Michael''': Not like this! 
:''[Chad Patton counts to three]''
:'''JBL''': Why would he do that?!
:'''Michael''': Rollins has made history thanks to Jon Stewart!
:'''Lilian Garcia''': Ladies and gentlemen, your United States and WWE World Heavyweight Champion: Seth Rollins!
:'''JBL''': The hell did we just see?!
:'''Jerry''': The host of SummerSlam just helped Seth Rollins win!
:'''Michael''': Seth Rollins, the first man to hold the United States Title and the WWE World Title, but what did we just see?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Michael''': Jon Stewart has gone from ''Daily Show'' host to SummerSlam criminal here tonight.
:'''JBL''': Maybe SummerSlam hero; depends on your perspective, Michael.
:'''Jerry''': Oh, come on, that wasn't right and you know it, John.

== [[w:Summerslam (2016)|2016]] ==
:'''Big Cass''': New York City!
:''[crowd cheers]''
:'''Big Cass''': How you doin'?
:'''Enzo Amore''': This match is dedicated to all the teachers that told us we never amount to nothing. To all the people in the building hustling trying to make some money on feeding their daughter, and all the people in the struggle, you know what I'm saying?
:'''Cass''': It's all good, baby, baby!
:'''Enzo''': It was all a dream and that dream has become a reality! How you doin'? There was once a man who stood on the other side of the Hudson River who went by Ol' Blue Eyes. And when he sang &quot;New York, New York&quot;, he knew he was looking at the greatest city in the world, and he knew full well if you can make it here, then you can make it anywhere.
:'''Cass''': ''[singing]'' It's up to you, New York, New York!
:''[crowd cheers]''
:'''Enzo''': And young blue eyes right in this ring and that seven-footer standing next to me, right now we're in an Empire State of Mind, baby. And we are living proof that bright lights can inspire you. So, with that being said, allow me to quote a great from right here in Brooklyn, New York, a notorious New Yorker, Biggie Smalls. Biggie Smalls said, &quot;Mo' money, mo' problems.&quot; Well then Jeri-KO, you're looking at a couple problems cause me and Big Cass are walking, talking checks on the come up like the Michael Jordan silhouette.
:'''Cass''': Jeri-KO, we've got 99 problems and you ain't one of them. You wanna come into our backyard and try to act hard? Well, no, no, no, no, no, because there's only ''[the crowd joins in]'' one word to describe you, and I'm gonna spell it out for ya! S-A-W-F-T!
:'''Crowd''': SAWFT!

== [[w:SummerSlam (2022)|2022]] ==
:'''Corey Graves''': I liked you better when you weren't allowed to have an opinion.
:'''Michael Cole''': That's changed. A lot's changed.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
''[Brock Lesnar using a tractor to attempt flipping the ring]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Where the hell is he going?
''[the ring moves]''
:'''Corey Graves''': Oh, Jesus!
:'''Michael Cole''': Corey, get the hell out of there! Brock Lesnar just moved the entire ring with a goddamn ''tractor!''
:'''Corey Graves''': I'm in Kid Rock's lap right now! God Almighty, what the hell is Lesnar doin'?!
:'''Michael Cole''': Anything he wants! ''[Lesnar flips the ring]'' Lesnar's liftin' up the ''[Corey: OH, MY GOD!!!]'' ring with Roman Reigns in it! With a damn ''tractor!!'' REIGNS FALLS OUT OF THE ENTIRE RING!!
:'''Corey Graves''': THIS IS ONE OF THE DAMNEDEST THINGS I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!
:'''Michael Cole''': I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS! EVER! BROCK LESNAR JUST LIFTED THE RING FIFTEEN FEET OFF THE GROUND WITH A DAMN TRACTOR!!!!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
''[Lesnar tries to beat the count of 10]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Corey, this is-- this- this is sickening. This is uncomfortable out here.
:'''Corey Graves''': I-I-I-I'm speechless.
:'''Michael Cole''': We're at a count of five. Roman Reigns is four ticks away from retaining his championship. A count of seven now. A count of eight, Brock Lesnar-- Look at the look in Lesnar's eyes! Lesnar back to a knee! Lesnar beats the count again! You gotta be ''kidding'' me! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?! '''WHAT IS THIS MAN MADE OF?!?!?!?!'''
:'''Corey Graves''': HE'S NOT HUMAN!!!
''[Reigns pummels Lesnar with the WWE Championship]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Reigns with the title off the face of Lesnar! That's ''gotta'' be it!! &lt;big&gt;'''FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, COUNT FASTER!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;

==[[w:Summerslam (2024)|2024]]==

''[Dominik Mysterio and Liv Morgan kiss each other after Mysterio cost Rhea Ripley the Women's World Championship]''
:'''Michael Cole''': '''DOMINIK, YOU SORRY TWO-TIMING SON OF A BITCH!!!'''
:'''Pat McAfee''': '''This piece of trash screwed over his dad, and now screws over his Mami as well!!!'''
:'''Corey Graves''': Ain't love grand?
:'''Michael Cole''': Rhea Ripley heartbroken. Guys, has this been a ruse for months? What the hell is going on here?
:'''Pat McAfee''': You would assume that Dom can't think months in advance 'cause he's too dumb, but anything's possible with this piece of...
:'''Michael Cole''': Well, just say it. I mean that's what he is.
:'''Pat McAfee''': '''THIS PIECE OF SHIT!!!'''

==[[w:SummerSlam (2025)|2025]]==

:''[Cody Rhodes has just won back the WWE Championship, and he leaves the ring to let John Cena have the final moment]''
:'''Michael Cole: Ladies and gentlemen, enjoy this while you can. We have four months left to enjoy the greatness that is John Cena. ''[As Cena starts to leave, Brock Lesnar's music suddenly hits, and the crowd erupts thunderously]'' WHAT?! ''[Lesnar himself emerges]'' HOLY SHIT!!!
:'''Wade Barrett''': OH… MY… GOD!!!
:'''Michael Cole''': IT'S THE BEAST!!! IT'S THE BEAST!!!
:'''Wade Barrett''': THE BEAST IS BACK!!!
:'''Michael Cole''': BROCK LESNAR!!! BROCK LESNAR!!! BROCK LESNAR IS AT SUMMERSLAM!!! OH, MY GOD! HELL HAS COME TO THE MEADOWLANDS! ''[Pyrotechnics go off and Lesnar slowly starts towards the ring]'' Wade, i-it's been years!
:'''Wade Barrett''': Hold on, I'm looking at the look in John Cena's eyes. It doesn't look like he's ready to greet an old friend here. There's a smile on the face of Brock Lesnar.
:'''Michael Cole''': Let's not use the word &quot;friend&quot; when it comes to Lesnar and Cena! This is a man that has beaten the hell out of John Cena over the years! 
:'''Wade Barrett''': This is a man who is a walking hazard, a walking threat!
:'''Michael Cole''': John Cena once called this man his greatest rival, his toughest rival, his most physical rival, and Brock Lesnar is here, and he's as massive as ever! ''[Lesnar and Cena lock eyes for a few moments before Lesnar takes off his vest]'' The Beast has not taken his eyes off John Cena since he entered this stadium. ''[Lesnar takes off his hat]'' He had to shed his jacket, he's taken off his hat. 
:'''Wade Barrett''': This is a man built for one thing. ''[Lesnar quickly slides into the ring and hoists Cena up on his shoulders]'' 
:'''Michael Cole:''': And now Lesnar into the ring, and Brock Lesnar with John Cena on his shoulders! ''[Lesnar delivers a thunderous F-5 to Cena]'' Brock Lesnar with an F-5 to John Cena!! On a night when John Cena went through an absolute war with Cody Rhodes!
:'''Wade Barrett''': Let's be honest, Brock Lesnar was never coming down here to commiserate with anyone.

==External links==
{{wikipedia|SummerSlam}}

[[Category:WWE TV shows]]
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      <text bytes="99834" sha1="bi2r3ay2duxan8nbncuvrlxvm32fwrx" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:SummerSlam|SummerSlam]]''' is a [[w:WWE|WWE]] [[w:Pay Per View|Pay Per View]] held every August since 1988. It is regarded as the second biggest show of the year behind [[w:WrestleMania|WrestleMania]]. The first SummerSlam was held August 29, 1988 at [[w:Madison Square Garden|Madison Square Garden]].

== [[w:SummerSlam (1988)|1988]] ==

:'''Howard Finkel''': Ladies and gentlemen...our opening contest is a tag team bout, scheduled for one fall.  Currently in the ring to my left, hailing from Montreal, Quebec, Canada, but SOON to relocate in the United States, at a total combined weight of 474 lbs...here are Jacques and Raymond, the Fabulous Rougeau Brothers.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Honky Tonk Man''' : Get me somebody out here to wrestle, I don't care who it is.
:'''Superstar Billy Graham''' : Ho ho ho. Don't say that, my man. There are some people in that locker room who would take this man apart.
:'''Gorilla Monsoon''': We're all waiting here with anticipation as for who the opponent will be. Well, maybe we haven't got an opponent.
:'''Billy''': Well, maybe we have an opponent, or maybe he's still lacing up his boots. Who knows, man.
:'''Gorilla''': ''[as familiar theme music plays]'' Wait a minute, wait a minute. Somebody's music.
:'''Billy''': That's familiar music, brother!
:'''Gorilla''': They've exploded here in the Garden! I don't see anybody yet!
:'''Howard''': ''[as the Ultimate Warrior runs to the ring and goes right after the Honky Tonk Man]'' Here is the challenger, weighing...
:''[Howard jumps out as the match begins]''
:'''Gorilla''': It's the Ultimate Warrior!
:'''Billy''': One man on the attack!
:'''Gorilla''': This place has gone bananas!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Gorilla''': Ultimate Warrior exploding here on the Honky Tonk Man. Beautiful flying tackle. The bell has gone and it's officially underway.
:'''Billy''': Warrior doesn't know what to do, he's so excited!
:''[Warrior knocks Honky Tonk Man down]''
:'''Gorilla''': The title definitely up for grabs here.
:'''Billy''': Oh, we could get a new champion right now, Gorilla Monsoon! Right now, brother, we could get a new champion!
:'''Gorilla''': ''[as Warrior hits a splash]'' Big splash here, hooks the leg... ''[Dave Hebner counts to three]'' It's over! History has been made here!
:'''Billy''': I love it! I love it!
:'''Gorilla''': Look at this place gone bananas!
:'''Billy''': Pandemonium is running wild in Madison Square Garden, my man!
:'''Gorilla''': History once again made here in Madison Square Garden!
:'''Howard''': The winner of this contest...and NEW Intercontinental Champion: The Ultimate Warrior!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Sean Mooney''': It is a different story here in the locker room of the Ultimate Warrior, the new Intercontinental Champion, and Warrior, you are now a champion in the World Wrestling Federation.
:'''Ultimate Warrior''': Honky Tonk Man, you thought it was like something out of a comic book, brother, but we're talking about real life! I was sitting in Parts Unknown waiting for the next spaceship to higher planes, and the lightning bolts came down from the sky, and the warriors spoke! They said &quot;make it to the Garden.&quot; Well, the Ultimate Warrior showed, and Honky Tonk Man, you gave the challenge, and the Ultimate Warrior and the little Warriors with all the painted faces rose to the challenge, and they conquered! I'm taking all the little Warriors through all the darkness and the pain! And Honky Tonk Man, if you want a piece of me, or anybody thinks they can take on the Warriors, I'm not hard to find. I'll be on the next spaceship to Parts Un...KNOWN!!!

== [[w:SummerSlam (1989)|1989]] ==

[Mean Gene is set to conduct an interview with Ravishing Rick Rude and Bobby Heenan]
:'''Mean Gene Okerlund''': Gentlemen, as you know the Ultimate Warrior-- ''(the SummerSlam sign falls off behind them.)''
:'''Vince McMahon''': Nice move.
:'''Gene''': Fuck it!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Ravishing Rick Rude''': What I'd like to have right now is for all you fat, out-of-shape SummerSlam sweathogs...
:'''Jesse &quot;The Body&quot; Ventura''': Ha ha ha!
:'''Tony Schiavone''': You like that?
:'''Jesse''': He's talking to you, Schiavone!
:'''Rick''': ...keep the noise down while I take my robe off and show the ladies what a ''real'' sexy man looks like.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The Ultimate Warrior has press slammed Rick Rude from the ring to the floor]''
:'''Jesse''': There was no call for that! The name of this sport is Wrestling. You wrestle inside the ring. This guy is a lunatic, I don't like him, he goes by his own rules, he don't listen to nothing.
:'''Tony''': But Jesse, he's bought all this on himself. With Bobby Heenan pulling the leg, with Andre the Giant trying to choke out the Ultimate Warrior, you gotta expect a guy like the Warrior to take matters into your own hands.
:'''Jesse''': And that means out to the floor. ''[Ultimate Warrior grabs the IC title and hits Rick Rude in the back with it]'' Hitting him with the belt?! This should be a disqualfication! That's an disqualfication!! Where is the hell the referee?!
:'''Tony''': That's outside of the ring Jesse.
:'''Jesse''': So what?!
:'''Tony''': As much as it can just be a countout here.
:'''Jesse''': What are you going to tell me Schiavone? You can shoot somebody outside the ring? As long as it's outside the ring? You know, you're even dumber than Monsoon! I thought Monsoon was the stupidest guy alive.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Howard Finkel''': Ladies and gentlemen, at this time, I am pleased to announce that we have a very special guest. A surprise ring announcer, let's welcome Rugged Ronnie Garvin!
:'''Jesse''': What?!
:'''Tony''': Ho ho ho! What about that Jesse?
:'''Jesse''': What is the purpose of this? The guy gets banned from refereeing, he gets banned from wrestling, now he's going to be a ring announcer?
:'''Tony''': Well I think we better hear what he has to say. Why not?
:'''Rugged Ronnie Garvin''': Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall.
:'''Tony''': He does a good job.
:'''Jesse''': He's reading cue cards.
:'''Tony''': Well, there's nothing wrong with that.
:'''Garvin''': Coming down the aisle, weighing 275 pounds, the Mighty Hercules!
:'''Tony''': The fans on their feet. As Rugged Ronnie Garvin makes the announcement, the Mighty Hercules making his way to the ring and quite personally Jesse, I can't wait to hear this introduction from Rugged Ronnie Garvin.
:'''Jesse''': It ought to be interesting.
:'''Garvin''': His so called opponent,
:'''Jesse''': &quot;So called opponent&quot;?
:'''Tony''': Well, that's an opinion.
:'''Garvin''': coming to the ring with that little pip squeak, poor excuse of a manager. The big mouth of the south, Jimmy Hart. Here's a man who says he's from Seattle Washington. He claims to weigh 249 pounds. To me, he looks like he's overweight by 30 pounds!
:'''Jesse''': How dare him do that as an announcer!
:'''Garvin''': This individual who can't think for himself and when he goes to his wimpy manager for advice, little Jimmy can't give him any!
:'''Jesse''': I think Ronnie Garvin's a punk!
:'''Garvin''': He's the only wrestler I've seen with two left feet! Wears a robe with cheap rhinestones! Can't tell whether he's coming or going! Made the biggest mistake of his life when he asked for me to be reinstated, Greg &quot;The Hammer&quot; Valentine!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Genius''': From the Meadowlands Arena to the multitudes beyond, I, The Genius, full of glory and renown
:Share my wondrous words of wisdom with the SummerSlam spectacular to validate my mortar board and gown.
:Brutus Beefcake and Hulk Hogan shall be running for their lives, the highest card they're holding is a deuce.
:They are totally unqualified to match the royal flush that shall be coming from the Macho Man and Zeus.
:&quot;Scary Sherri&quot; is the term that Brutus Beefcake used in slander, and he had the nerve to call her overdressed.
:That's when the Barber got a trim that wasn't on the schedule, because Sherri is a cut above the rest.
:On the other hand, Elizabeth is absolutely useless, she is less than just another pretty face. 
:When you add the unknown factor of the Human Wrecking Machine, tonight the Hulk shall be in second place!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Tony''': And Jesse Ventura, there is a power stronger than Zeus and it's called Hulkamania!
:'''Jesse''': Yeah sure Schiavone. It's called foreign object, that's what it's called. Hogan had to use an illegal foreign object to win this match. And if that's what the Hulkamaniacs advocate, well they can stick it!
:'''Tony''': (to Sensational Sherri) Well it's back to the cauldron for you young lady.
:'''Jesse''': And then, to top it all off, Hogan has to beat up a woman!
:'''Tony''': (to Elizabeth) Well Jesse, there's a real woman for you right there.
:'''Jesse''': There's a gold digger right there.

== [[w:SummerSlam (1990)|1990]] ==

:'''Sean Mooney''': Now, Mr. Perfect, it was less than ten days ago that you accepted the challenge from the [[w:Kerry Von Erich|Texas Tornado]] to defend the Intercontinental Championship. Have you ever prepared for a title defense on such short notice?
:'''Mr. Perfect''': To be perfectly honest with you, I haven't. You see, being absolutely ''perfect'' does have its problems, because when you're a ''perfect'' Intercontinental Champion, challengers are few and far between. And let's face it, I'm perfect in every way — the perfect body, the perfect mind, and the perfect record.
:'''Mooney''': Mr. Perfect, is it wise to accept a challenge from someone you know so little about?
:'''Bobby &quot;The Brain&quot; Heenan''': Wait a minute, pal, I'll handle this one. You see, I know a lot about this Texas Tornado, because if you've seen one, you've seen 'em all. And you know why they call you the Texas Tornado? Because you've got your head in the clouds, and if you've got your head in the clouds, pal, you don't have your feet on the ground! You see, a Texas tornado never really does any damage, because you can spot one coming a mile away. Sure, they may look ferocious, but all they're really good for is kicking up some dust and ''(laughing)'' maybe turning over a few mobile homes in some hick trailer park on the Panhandle.
:'''Perfect''': Remember this! Nobody beats Mr. Perfect!
:'''Perfect and Bobby''': Nobody.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
(''Mr. Perfect loses the Intercontinental title to the Texas Tornado)''
:'''Roddy Piper''': I'm sorry, what was the name of the guy who just ''lost'' again?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Mean Gene Okerlund''': With me now, Sensational Queen Sherri.
:'''Sensational Queen Sherri''': You mean ''victorious'' Sensational Queen Sherri.
:'''Gene''': Well, yes, but you're not gonna gloat like that.
:'''Sherri''': Listen, Mean Gene. When you are so good that you intimidate your opponent to the point where they don't even show up because they know that they'll take a sensational beating, you can gloat all you want.
:'''Gene''': Well, I suppose, but Queen Sherri, there's something peculiar going on around here as it relates to Sweet Sapphire. It's almost if she vanished into thin air. There were earlier sightings of Sapphire, but I don't know what's happened to her, I really don't.
:'''Sherri''': &quot;Earlier sightings&quot;? What is she, a UFO?! But you're right, a lot of people did see Sapphire earlier this afternoon, and I'm beginning to think that maybe she's not so dumb after all.
:'''Gene''': What do you mean?
:'''Sherri''': First of all, she was smart enough not to show up and take a beating in her match with me; second, I heard a few rumors a minute ago. She may be the smartest person in the WWF.
:'''Gene''': Rumors? What rumors?
:'''Sherri''': ''[laughing hysterically]'' Well...this is too good to be true!
:'''Gene''': Sensational Queen Sherri, I fail to see what's so funny about a missing person.
:'''Sherri''': I said she was missing, I didn't say anything about her being a person.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mooney''': Jake, it's well-founded that Bad News Brown is afraid of snakes. The question remains, are you afraid of sewer rats?
:'''Jake &quot;The Snake&quot; Roberts''': You know, my man, they don't call me the Snake for nothing, because Damian and I, we have a lot in common. But how about you, Bad News? You hang around with sewer rats. What does that say about you? But to answer your question, Sean, I'm not afraid of rats, no, because I don't have to be. You see, Damian here is really hungry. Yeah I know, Bad News says he hasn't fed his rats for weeks, and they must have a voracious appetite. But what I want to know, Bad News, is just how hungry are you? Because that's exactly what it's going to come down to—hunger. And hunger, that, Bad News, is what separates a man like me from a mouse like you.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mean Gene''': Hulk Hogan, hot on the heels of victory at SummerSlam tonight! What a powerhouse of a match between you and Earthquake, but I don't know, Hulk, if it's been settled.
:'''Hulk Hogan''': You know somethin', Mean Gene? The only thing left to do, brother, is to kickstart my Wide Glide, hang onto the Ape Hangers, and with the largest arms in the world, man, ride right up to Jack Tunney's office, brother! Let him know that the Hulkamaniacs realize they're still the stronger power in the world, brother! And Jack Tunney, I just want you to know, dude. They're building new buildings all around the country. New York City, Los Angeles, Chicago, Africa, Asia, North Pole, South Pole, and all points in between, brother! And the new buildings, Mean Gene, they're Earthquake-proof, brother!
:'''Mean Gene''': Earthquake-proof?
:'''Hulk''': Yes! Earthquake-proof! Because I'm gonna take this big, fat dude, and I'm gonna drag him all the way around the country, brother! I'm gonna beat him in each and every arena until Jack Tunney puts me right back where I belong—in the #1 contender's spot, brother.
:'''Mean Gene''': Well, Hulk Hogan, with all due respect, I think you're there already, I'll tell you what. A strong, strong outing for you against this mammoth, Earthquake.
:'''Hulk''': Well, you know something, Mean Gene? I felt the love of the Hulkamaniacs, brother. The 400,000 cards and letters in just a few short weeks prove, man, that this thing's gonna last forever. And now, Hulkamaniacs, this is the decade of the little Hulksters, brother. And now, there are four Demandments. Four Demandments—train, say your prayers, eat your vitamins, and believe in yourself, brother. If you believe in yourself like you made me believe in myself, you can get anything you want!
:And now, I'm getting a new 9-foot gun made, brother! A brand new surfboard with a 2 1/2 foot skeg, and I'm gonna go out to Venice Beach, and I'm gonna chase each and every shark I can find! And when I find the biggest wave I can find, I'm gonna catch that title wave, brother—I said ''title'' wave—and I'm gonna ride it right to the top! Whatcha gonna do, WWF, Earthquake, and Jack Tunney, and anybody else in my way?!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Ultimate Warrior''': Do you know what Ravishing Rick Rude and Bobby Heenan have in common with the Liberty Bell?
:'''Gene''': No, what?
:'''Warrior''': One is cracked, and the other is a ding dong.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Ravishing Rick Rude''': What I'd like to have right now is for all you fat, out-of-shape Pennsylvania piss-ants, keep the noise down while I take my robe off and give you a good look at the next World Wrestling Federation Champion.

== [[w:SummerSlam (1991)|1991]] ==

:'''Bobby &quot;The Brain&quot; Heenan''': If your parents were here Piper, they wouldn't let you know that you were gone.
:'''Rowdy Roddy Piper''': I'm not going to kill you for that remark, Boobs. I'll let you live with it for the next two and a half hours.
:'''Bobby''': I heard a rumor that your mom and dad ran away from home.
:'''Gorilla Monsoon''': Will you stop?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Bobby''': You know, Piper used to come home from school and find out that his parents had moved.
:'''Gorilla''': Will you stop?! I'm not going to tell you again or you'll be out of here.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Gorilla''': Concerned look on the face of Stu and Helen Hart.
:'''Bobby''': You know why they're concerned? They snuck in! They scared the usher away.
:'''Gorilla''': Will you be serious?!
:'''Roddy''': Stop it now Bobby!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Bobby''': Don't do it Perfect! Don't touch that ref!
:'''Gorilla''': Why? Disqualifcation will save his title.
:'''Bobby''': All right then nail him!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Gorilla''': ''[as Bret blocks a legdrop from Mr. Perfect]'' Nice block there, that move. Oh, he's got that hold half-applied on the canvas! He's turning him over!
:'''Roddy''': Beautiful counter!
:'''Bobby''': The Sharpshooter!
:'''Gorilla''': ''[as Hebner calls for the bell]'' He's got it!
:'''Roddy''': HE GOT IT!
:'''Bobby''': NO! NO!
:'''Gorilla''': We've got a new champion!
:'''Roddy''': We've got a new champion!
:'''Bobby''': NO!
:'''Roddy''': ALRIGHT!
:'''Howard''': The winner of this bout and NEW Intercontinental Champion: Bret &quot;Hitman&quot; Hart!
:''[Perfect kicks Bret once. Bret tears off Perfect's singlet as Perfect falls out on the ring]'' 
:'''Gorilla''': The new Intercontinental Champion, Bret &quot;The Hitman&quot; Hart!
:'''Roddy''': Tear it off, Bret! Tear it off, man!
:'''Gorilla''': Look at Perfect, he's hurt. He wants out of there!
:'''Roddy''': We've got us a new champeen! [''sic'']
:'''Gorilla''': And he deserves it! This place is going bananas!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Bobby''': With Butch, Luke and Andre in there...which one is Larry, Darryl, and Darryl?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Bobby is going to Hulk Hogan's dressing room with the NWA world title in his hands.]''
:'''Bobby''': Come on dummy, I don't have all day, I'm a busy man. Right here is the dressing room. Of the WWF champion Hulk Hogan. And I'm going to embarrass him and see what kind of a man he really is. ''[knocks on Hogan's door]'' Come on Hogan, open up! Wait till you see this. ''[Hogan opens the door.]'' On behalf of the real world's champion, Ric Flair, I would like to challenge you, Hogan. At any time any place - ''[Hogan slams the door.]'' Who do you think you're embarrassing?! You wouldn't do that if Ric Flair was standing here! You hear-- You hear me?! Turn that camera off. Turn that damn thing off!
:'''Gorilla''': Oh I love it!
:'''Roddy''': That's not the first door he's had slammed in his face. That's why he ain't married.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''[[w:Jacques Rougeau|The Mountie]]''': This is the way it's going to happen Mean Gene Okerlund. After I've done, beat your fat mug Boss Man, these little local hick cops are going to grab you and they're going to handcuff your hands. And they're going to take you and, I don't want you gentlemen to do it the New York style. I want gentlemen toto do it the Mountie kind of justice! If he fights back, I want you to drag him through these halls. And once we get back here, we wanna tan him in this little old paddy wagon. And once he get in here, it'll be your job to shackle his ankles, make sure he doesn't run away, shut the doors and throw the key away and bring him to that local New York caboose house. And we'll see you there Boss Man!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Bobby''': We are about to find out who the real law and order is. And I believe it's the man in the red shirt. ''[The Mountie]''
:'''Roddy''': Well I believe it's the man in the blue shirt. ''[The Big Boss Man]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Bobby''': I'm going to get the Boss Man a pack of cigarettes.
:'''Gorilla''': Are you leaving again?
:'''Bobby''': Yes, I'm going to take him some cigarettes.
:'''Gorilla''': What do you mean take him some cigarettes? He doesn't even smoke!
:'''Bobby''': No but he's going to need them to bribe the screws.
:'''Gorilla''': Will you stop?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Bobby''': Come on Boss Man, get up! It's six o clock in the morning. Here's your cup of coffee and your one cigarette.
:'''Roddy''': Oh you know what time they get up in the pokey do you?
:'''Bobby''': I watched Police Story in Colombo.
:'''Gorilla''': I think he's speaking from personal experience.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[the cops lead the Mountie to take pictures.]''
:'''The Mountie''': You guys think you're tough guys? Give me my shock stick! Aaah! No, no! You're not taking my pictures! Nooooo! You're not taking my pictures! (Hides his face with his arms.)
:'''Photographer''': So I heard the Boss Man kicked your butt, huh?
:'''The Mountie''': ''[looks up]'' What the?! ''[Photographer snaps the picture]'' No!! You're not taking my pictures!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[the cops lead the Mountie to the fingerprinting area.]''
:'''The Mountie''': No! You can't do this to me! You can't-- Aaaah! No! You're not taking my fingerprints! I'm not giving it to you!
:'''Cop''': Come on, give me your finger!
:'''The Mountie''': You want the finger?! ''[flips off the cop]'' Here's the finger! ''[They start fingerprinting the Mountie.]'' Yeow! Ouch! Yeow! Don't do that! I'm the Mountie! You can't fingerprint me!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Sean Mooney''': It looks as though the Mountie is a bit outnumbered and Sgt. Slaughter, I'm sure you can attest to that going 3 against 2 into the Match Made in Hell.
:'''Sgt. Slaughter''': What do you mean outnumbered, pukeface? You piece of human scum! Outnumbered?! We're not the ones that are going to be outnumbered. It's the Ultimare Warrior and Hulk Hogan that are going to be outnumbered. Why they're going to be outnumbered before the match even starts. Take a look at the Ultimate Puke. He still looks a little snakebit to me. Ha ha ha ha. And the Immortal Slime Hulk Hogan got a gash in his head. Lost about six gallons of blood. Ha ha ha ha. In fact, it's going to be a lot easier than we thought. In fact, we just may have one more surprise tonight in the match made in hell!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Roddy''': I hope Slaughter keeps getting back up so that Hogan can keep knocking him down.
:'''Bobby''': You must really hate the man.
:'''Roddy''': I do!
:'''Gorilla''': I suppose you like a traitor. Aren't you an American?
:'''Bobby''': Yes.
:'''Gorilla''': Well this guy turned his back on his country! Would you do that? Maybe you would.
:'''Bobby''': My favorite show is The Price Is Right.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The Mountie continues to rant inside his cell]''
:'''The Mountie''': Let me out, Jimmy Hart, I WANT TO HAVE A PHONE CALL!! ''[an inmate comes to him]''
:'''Inmate 1''': You want to fight me?
:'''The Mountie''': Get out of here!
:'''Inmate 1''': There's your buddy! ''[points to a mustachioed man in biker outfit approaching The Mountie]''
:'''Inmate 2''': Hi.
:'''The Mountie''': ''[senses that the guy is gay]'' Oh my God!
:'''Inmate 2''': Don't you just love the way leather feels against your body?
:'''The Mountie''': ''[retreats to another part of the cell]'' LET ME OUTTA HERE!! LET ME OUTTA HERE!!

== [[w:SummerSlam (1992)|1992]] ==

:'''Vince McMahon''': What are you doing with that ridiculous-looking crown on?
:'''Bobby &quot;The Brain&quot; Heenan''': Well, you little stupid peasant, I happen to be Sir Bobby, the King of England.
:'''Vince''': [[Henry VIII]] would be rolling over in his grave, Bobby &quot;the Brain&quot; Heenan, if he could see this! Nonetheless, the only thing royal about you is you're a royal pain; and speaking of a pain, in whose corner is Mr. Perfect really going to be in — the Ultimate Warrior's, or is going to be in the corner of the Macho Man?
:'''Bobby''': WOOOOOOOOOO!!!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': I hate to say it, but the Bushwhackers are a lot prettier than some of the women I've seen here.
:'''Vince''': Would you please stop that?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''[[w:Mike Rotunda|Irwin R. Schyster]]''': It's a well-known fact that if you British tax cheats would pay your fair share, you wouldn't put the burden on the royal family!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': I'm not sure Hawk even knows where he's at right now. Whether it be London, England, or Des Moines, Iowa, he hasn't got a clue.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mean Gene Okerlund''': With me at this is the former World Wrestling Federation Champion, the man who was disgruntled the moment they announced the main event for SummerSlam, for it was he who felt ''he'' should be the #1 contender to face the Macho Man Randy Savage. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the &quot;Nature Boy&quot; Ric Flair.
:'''Ric Flair''': Rest assured, little man, it was not I alone disgruntled over the fact that the great Ric Flair was denied his opportunity to regain the World Wrestling Federation Championship right here at SummerSlam. After all, when you're talking about the brights lights and the big cities, you gotta be talking London, England. And when you're talking Summerslam, and when you're talking the World Wrestling Federation, you gotta be talking Ric Flair! Woo!
:'''Mean Gene''': Ric Flair, I couldn't help but notice you're wearing your robe and your wrestling attire. What's going on here?
:'''Ric''': It's because anybody that knows anything about Ric Flair knows that he stays ready for any kind of action.
:'''Mean Gene''': And speaking of action, Ric Flair, one man we know is going to be seeing action tonight is your executive consultant, Mr. Perfect, for it's public knowledge he's gonna be in the corner of either the Macho Man Randy Savage or the Ultimate Warrior. As a matter of fact, I saw you and Mr. Perfect show up outside of Wembley Stadium earlier today in a long limosuine, Ric Flair. You two have been embroiled in this controversy of the main event since the day it was announced. As a matter of fact, this match may end up going down in history as the most controversial match in World Wrestling Federation history.
:Now then, Ric Flair, I'm gonna put you on the spot. In whose corner will Mr. Perfect be tonight? ''[Ric leans in to answer, but laughs]'' Oh, come on, is it gonna be the Macho Man? ''[Another tease]'' Don't do this to me. Is it gonna be the Ultimate Warrior? ''[Another tease]'' Ric Flair, enough is enough. Like the great Winston Churchill once said, &quot;now is the time!&quot; And ''now'' is the time we demand to know the whereabouts of Mr. Perfect for SummerSlam!
:'''Ric''': Why, he's in the dressing room.
:'''Mean Gene''': But ''whose'' dressing room?!
:'''Ric''': The dressing room of the winner! Who else?! WOO!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Shawn Michaels and Rick Martel have attempted a series of rolling cradles all involving pulling the others tights]''
:'''Vince''': There are more moons here in London, England, than there are on any other planet!
:'''Bobby''': I've never seen so many smiles in all my life.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''The Genius''': From the home of the Olympic Games of 1948
:And the World Cup of 1966. I know the date
:Now at SummerSlam at Wembley, and the Genius holds the key
:Behold the future champions, the Brothers Beverly
:'''Vince''': He's no William Shakespeare, that's for sure.
:'''Bobby''': He's a genius!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Vince''': All Typhoon has to do is sit up and tag his partner.
:'''Bobby''': You're asking a lot for Typhoon to do a situp.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': ''[on the foam fingers in the audience]'' I remember when I used to walk to the ring, McMahon, and people used to hold up one finger.
:'''Vince''': That was a different kind of salute.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mean Gene''': Alright, this is the SummerSlam you thought you'd never see. And there was an incident out there tonight that I thought I would n... What the hell were you trying to pull?! There was no deal!
:'''Mr. Perfect''': You just be quiet, little man! There was a deal, all right!
:'''Mean Gene''': There was not a deal!
:'''Mr. Perfect''': It was a done deal between Ric Flair and Mr. Perfect. A lot of people might think that other deal didn't go down. Not a chance. That was Plan A, and now, Plan B, little man divot-head, is in full charge. Plan B, champ, tell him the way it is.
:'''Mean Gene''': Oh, come on, this has got to be...
:'''Ric''': I should've had the shot to begin with! Not the Ultimate Warrior! But now, you ask the Warrior what he wants in life! Well, it's gonna be me, and baby, I'm waiting on you! Plan A, maybe that slipped by. But now, we're looking at Plan B! And baby, the way I see it, the two most perfect men alive today are this gentleman and myself!
:'''Mean Gene''': You two men, this is an absolute sham in the World Wrestling Federation!
:'''Mr. Perfect''': Is my bowtie straight, champ?
:'''Ric''': You are a killer, brother. You are a killer! In closing, let me tell the whole world and especially one man something. Savage, that belt is coming back to me!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Sean Mooney''': Davey Boy Smith, you have got to be feeling enormous pressure going into this contest for the Intercontinental Championship. You’ll be stepping into the ring with your brother-in-law. Obviously, this match has torn both sides of the family apart. First of all, your thoughts on the family pressures you are facing now.
:'''British Bulldog''': Well, I’m facing a lot of pressures in the family, Sean. But I didn’t make this match, Jack Tunney made this match. But the British Bulldog has fought hard for two long years to be the #1 contender for the Intercontinental belt. Yes, Bret, you are the Intercontinental Champion. Yes, Bret, you are my brother-in-law. But when I step in the ring with you, Bret, I never met you. I don’t even know you. But at the end of the match, I just hope the families reunite.
:'''Sean''': British Bulldog, that brings me to my second point, one that may even bring even more pressure on you—the fact that you will be stepping out into that stadium in front of 80,000 of your fellow countrymen.
:'''Bulldog''': Sean, that isn’t a pressure. That’s a dream for the British Bulldog. And my second dream is, at the end of the match, the British Bulldog will be the next World Wrestling Federation Intercontinental Champion.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mean Gene''': Well, I’ve got to agree with my broadcast colleague, Sean Mooney. Indeed, there is a great deal of pressure for this Intercontinental title bout. However, the pressure for the champion—you, Bret &quot;The Hitman” Hart—much different than the pressure on the challenger, the British Bulldog. For him to win this coveted title, he must either make you submit or get the pinfall 1-2-3 in the center of the ring. And then, of course, there’s the question of the family pressure.
:'''Bret &quot;Hitman&quot; Hart''': Well, let me tell you something, Gene. As far as family pressure goes, I’ve proven that I work real well under pressure. But you know something that really bugs me, that really irks me, is the British Bulldog actually has the gall to come out here and say that when he steps in the ring with me, that he’s never met me, that he doesn’t know me. Well, let me tell you something, British Bulldog. Take a good look at my face and look me in the eye and tell me you don’t know me. Do you remember that far back, British Bulldog, when I was the one that introduced you to my sister Diana in the first place. And as far as your career in the World Wrestling Federation, I’m the one that helped you the most. You wouldn’t be where you are in the World Wrestling Federation if it wasn’t for me. Talk about gratitude.
:You know, the British Bulldog forgets he’s the one that wanted to challenge me, he’s the one responsible for all the family tension, he’s the one that wanted a shot at the gold. Well, you know something, the British Bulldog...he wanted the big fight? He’s got the big fight. And as far as his big dream...you know what I think of his big dream? This big dream of his of winning the World Wrestling Federation Intercontinental Title in front of 80,000 of his compatriots? Well, you know, I think this big dream of his is gonna turn into a nightmare. And then tomorrow morning when he wakes up, he’s gonna think he woke up in the dungeon of Windsor Castle.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[During the Intercontinental Title match]''
:'''Vince''': Unbelievable intestinal fortitude on the part of both participants. ''[Hart rolls over Bulldog, attempting a...]'' Sunset flip...''[Bulldog kneels over Bret's shoulders, catches both legs, and leans forward as Joey Marella counts]'' Wait a minute...two...that's it!
:'''Bobby''': He beat him! He beat him! Wembley Arena is going nuts! I mean Wembley Stadium! I don't know where I am!
:'''Howard Finkel''': Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this bout...and NEW Intercontinental Champion: The British Bulldog!

== [[w:SummerSlam (1993)|1993]] ==

:'''Bobby &quot;The Brain&quot; Heenan''': Isn't it ironic that the colors of Michigan are yellow?
:'''Vince McMahon''': And blue.
:'''Bobby''': But mostly yellow.
:'''Vince''': They're not yellow, they're gold, Bobby Heenan.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Joe Fowler''': How lucky am I? My very first assignment is SummerSlam. This is bigger than life! Thank you, Vince McMahon, for bringing me on board. We've just seen a title match, we're about to see another one. Shawn Michaels has the Intercontinental belt, he's gonna take on Mr. Perfect. Shawn is here along with his bodyguard Diesel. Shawn, you've won it, you've lost it, you've won it, can you hang onto this thing?
:'''&quot;The Heartbreak Kid&quot; Shawn Michaels''': Now all the questions are gonna be answered—''who'' is the greatest Intercontinental Champion of all time? Is it Mr. Perfect or is it Shawn Michaels? All those answers are gonna come across tonight, and I will prove to everybody—you and all of the world—that Shawn Michaels is the greatest Intercontinental Champ.
:'''Joe''': Now wait a minute, they say that Mr. Perfect caused you to lose it and Diesel won it back for you.
:'''Shawn''': I got news for you. Who's the one that's wearing it? It's Shawn Michaels, so I must've won it. Isn't that right, Diesel?
:'''Diesel''': That's right. The Heartbreak Kid can take care of the work in the ring. Hey, everybody knows the chicks dig this guy—I'm here just to keep 'em off the champ. Let's get outta here, Champ.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Irwin R. Schyster''': Detroit used to be known as the Motor city. Now it's known as the tax cheat city!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Bobby''': ''(On 1-2-3 Kid's first PPV appearance)'' This is a first! This is a first! This is the first time that Kid's been out past eight o'clock!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': ''(To Vince McMahon)'' Wrong, wrong, wrong, tuxedo breath!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
''(1-2-3 Kid hits a single kick as his first move in the match and goes for the pin)''
:'''Vince''': Cover him! It's over! He got him! ''(IRS kicks out)'' No he didn't.
:'''Bobby''': Whaddya mean it's over?!? It's not over!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Vince''': Well, call it what you will, call it luck, call it ability, call it the fact that the 1-2-3 Kid will take high-risks like no one else ever in the WWF, whatever it is, you can call him victorious.
:'''Bobby''': You could call him stupid.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': Ouch! Hit him right on the bicusbid.
:'''Vince''': The what?
:'''Bobby''': The bicusbid. 
:'''Vince''': What do you know about bicusbids?
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Vince''': You're asking and answering your own questions, you really are the Brain, aren't you?
:'''Bobby''': Well, I have to, when I'm with...
:'''Vince''': Yeah right, when you're with what? 
:'''Bobby''': Uh, nothing.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': He hit him so hard he knocked three zits off his cheek!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': Cheating is only cheating when you get caught, and bragging isn't bragging when you can do it.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': Well, I think he shines more, uh, his ability to think for himself without relying on a partner, could be an advantage of, uh, of Mr. IRS, but I would have to say just by watching him and the way I've been watching him and the way you, in the ring right now, I'd have to say that... yeah, the Kid's in trouble.
:'''Vince''': Could you care to repeat that please?
:'''Bobby''': Well... no.
:'''Vince''': I see.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Vince''': ''(On Irwin R. Schyster)'' He doesn't like to be called Irwin, he doesn't like to be called Schyster, what does he like to be called?
:'''Bobby''': R.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': That's Bruce Hart right? Did he ever play a banjo in the movie Deliverance?
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Vince''': (Jerry Lawler has Bret Hart up against the ringpost) We saw Doink earlier ram Bret's leg into the ringpost, now what's Lawler going to do? (Lawler crotches Bret against the post) Oh no!
:'''Bobby''': (High voice) Oh it's going to happen to Bret &quot;The Hitman&quot; Hart.
:'''Vince''': Stop it Bobby Heenan!
&lt;hr width+50%/&gt;
:'''Ludvig Borga''': (giving a video promo after the Bret Hart/Jerry Lawler match): I'm gonna show you all why Lex Lugar is gonna try to win the World Wrestling Federation championship right here in the middle of the American Dream. Well keep on dreaming Lex Lugar, because if this is what you stand up for, if this is what you're proud of, these crumbling buildings, this filth, this pollution, and I bet the Lex Express never stopped here on it's way to SummerSlam. So Lex Lugar, look at this..this building is crumbling like America is crumbling because you American high school dropouts are signing this country away welfare check by welfare check. And you people call this the land of opportunities?! Well, I'm gonna take my opportunity to show all you so-called American wrestlers &amp; Marty Janetty tonight at SummerSlam what Ludvig Borga is all about. 
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Vince''': Harvey Wippleman was instrumental in stealing that urn from the Undertaker.
:'''Bobby''': No no no, he &quot;urned&quot; it!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Vince''': ''(Referring to The Undertaker)'' The man in black!
:'''Bobby''': Yeah, I bet Johnny Cash has a picture of him on his wall.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': ''(On Harvey Wippleman)'' Tell him, Harvey! You tell him Harvey!
:'''Vince''': Tell him what?
:'''Bobby''': Get on his case! Harvey'll knock you out in a minute, you know.
:'''Vince''': Yeah, sure...
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': But that urn owned by Harvey Wippleman!
:'''Vince''': It's owned by The Undertaker, it's in the possession of Harvey Wippleman.
:'''Bobby''': Same thing!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': ''(On Undertaker vs. Giant Gonzalez)'' Take out the silver bullets, the wooden stake, and the garlic! Take him home, Giant!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': Harvey'll knock you out in a minute! ''(Harvey Wippleman charges and is instantly knocked out by Paul Bearer)'' He slipped, he lost his footing.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': ''(On Undertaker)'' He's back to the tomb! He's back to the crypt! He's back to his box of dirt! He's looking at the urn! He's got his power back! He's got Paul Bearer back! There's gonna be trouble for everyone in the World Wrestling Federation!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': ''(After Yokozuna is knocked out by Lex Luger's forearm and loses to Luger by countout)'' I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! HE IS OUT! HE IS STILL OUT! THE CHAMPION IS OUT! WILL SOMEONE PLEASE HELP HIM? PLEASE HELP HIM! HE IS OUT! HE IS STILL OUT! MY GOD!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Joe''': ''[interviewing Lex Luger in his dressing room where he is joined by Rick and Scott Steiner, Tatanka, and Macho Man Randy Savage after defeating Yokozuna by countout]'' Lex Lugar, the public loves you and obviously your friends of the WWF love you too.
:'''Lex Luger''': It's a great feeling in the locker room, it's a great feeling out there in the ring, a great victory today. And you know, it's an honor and a privilege to wrestle for the World Wrestling Federation title and an honor and privilege to represent my country out there. The atmosphere was.. 
''(Ludvig Borga who earlier defeated Marty Janetty enters Lex's dressing room)''
:'''Borga''': Lex Luger, I'm here in your locker room to tell you that I am NOT impressed with you. And I am not impressed with your friends either and I certainly am not impressed about the country that you stand up for. Now let me tell you something, if you ever step into the ring with Ludvig Borga, I will crush you like America is crumbling piece by piece and I see you as the backbone of America and if you ever step in the ring with me, I will break it.

== [[w:SummerSlam (1994)|1994]] ==

:'''Vince McMahon''': ''[on Alundra Blayze]'' What a competitor. What an athlete.
:'''[[w:Jerry Lawler|Jerry &quot;The King&quot; Lawler]]''': What a face. I've heard of faces that could stop a clock; this face could stop Switzerland.
:'''Vince''': Now wait a minute, if you'll turn this...a battle between a beauty and the beast, considering Bull Nakano's look.
:'''Jerry''': I agree, she's beautiful.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jerry''': ''[regarding the Hart family]'' McMahon, why don't you ask them the hard questions? Why don't you get them to tell the truth? ''[Pointing to Stu and Helen Hart]'' You drove them to this, both of you. You know you did. You brought Owen to this. You kept him down his whole life! You, the entire family! You all did it! The only man...
:'''Vince''': The brothers back there, wait a minute...you'd better watch your mouth!
:'''Jerry''': The entire family has drove Owen to this! I wanna say a word to this man over here though. Here's the only man I want to welcome to the United Center because this is the man who, two years ago at SummerSlam, went head-to-head, face-to-face against Bret Hart. Are you having...are you having any flashbacks? Wouldn't you love to be in there against him tonight?
:'''British Bulldog''': Uh, not really because I know what kind of condition Bret's in, and he's in the best condition of his life right now. The family feud started in 1992 at SummerSlam, but in 1994 tonight at the United Center, the family feud is hopefully going to end in this 15-foot-high steel cage.
:'''Jerry''': It's gonna end, all right. And I don't think any of you are gonna like the way it's ending.
:'''Vince''': Why don't you ask some of the brothers back here. Ask Bruce, he's right there behind Davey...''[noticing behind Bruce]'' oh wait a minute. Wait just a minute. Jim &quot;The Anvil&quot; Neidhart. Jim &quot;The Anvil&quot; Neidhart, your thoughts on this steel cage. And you, you sitting here among all the other family members. How do they feel about you sitting here among them?
:'''Jim &quot;The Anvil&quot; Neidhart''': Well, you know...you know, it's all in the family. But I...I think everyone's gonna really see who the really...who the best Hart is of all, who's the best. And everyone's gonna see that Owen Hart is gonna be the next World Heavyweight Champion.
:'''Jerry''': He's the King of Harts already!
:'''Jim''': He's the King of Harts, and he's the best Hart of all! He's the best wrestler! And you know something? I think that Stu Hart did drive Owen to this greatness!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bret &quot;Hitman&quot; Hart''': I'm going in this match with one thing in mind. First of all, this World Wrestling Federation Championship belt isn't going anywhere. It's going right back over my shoulder back in the dressing room because I'm gonna prove that I ''am'' better than Owen, I was always better than Owen. And you know, Owen, I want you to understand something. I don't hate you. I don't hate your guts, I never, ever did. I never got into this thing thinking or believing that I hated your guts, 'cause I don't. The problem with you is you, it's in your head and it's in your heart. Jealousy is a horrible thing, it's a ugly thing [''sic''] that's a...
:You know, Neidhart, that might be a different story. Maybe I might just go that far and say I hate ''his'' guts, 'cause I believe right inside my heart that it was Jim Neidhart, right from the start, that started ''all'' this stuff. He's the one that planted the seeds of jealousy in Owen in the first place. Owen, I don't hate you, I just feel kinda sorry for you. And in this match, brother against brother, Cain and Abel, whatever you want to call it, it...it breaks ''my'' heart to think that it's come this far, that two brothers are gonna be in the most...this is barbaric. This has nothing to do with what we grew up with, believing in wrestling, exchanging holds and all this. This has gone way beyond that; this is out of the Dungeon now. This is a dogfight, this is something...this is liked caged animals, and it's something I'm not very proud of. But the fact is, it has to stop.
:You know, you people don't understand. I've got my mother coming up to me with tears in her eyes and begging me to see this thing end, my father wants to see it end, everybody wants to see it end. And I've tried to end it, I've tried to find someplace to stop it, and there's no place you can end it. But now, I see this is it, it's gonna be a ugly fight [''sic''], it's gonna be a dogfight, and there's gonna be one winner and one loser. And I'm not gonna lose this thing, Owen. I'm going in there with every single thing I got, and I'm gonna beat you, brother. And I just hope, after it's all said and done, that you can live with it.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Vince''': Bret Hart trying to finish this thing once and for all with his baby brother Owen.
:'''Jerry''': See, listen to you calling him a baby.
:'''Vince''': ''Youngest'' brother, he was the baby of the family.
:...
:'''Jerry''': Why do you feel like you have to refer to the WWF Champion as a baby?
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Owen Hart''': My whole family?! What the hell was all that! They're not my flesh and blood! They turned their backs on me! The only one they ever cared about was Bret! I ought to be the winner! I don't know what the hell the British Bulldog is doing! He's not ''my'' brother! He's not ''my'' family, jumping in there and interfering! Bulldog, you stay out of it! Bret, I had you beat.

== [[w:SummerSlam (1995)|1995]] ==

:'''[[w:Michael Hayes (wrestler)|Dok Hendrix]]''': I'm standing here with what is fixin' to be the future WWF Champion. And now, come on, King Mabel. You gave me the first scoop, you've been involving me plan after plan. Come on, tell me, tell me, what's the final plan? Gotta know, gotta know, come on, come on.
:'''King Mabel''': Dok, you, just like everybody else around the world, are just gonna have to wait until it unfolds. Big Daddy Cool, what's the old saying? Fool me once, shame on me; fool me twice; shame on you; but three times? What's your story, Big Daddy Fool? You think the thing with the British Bulldog was the big one?
:'''Dok''': Yeah!
:'''Mabel''': Uh-uh. It's tonight, and you will see. Long live the king.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jerry &quot;The King&quot; Lawler''': Can you imagine poor Hunter Hearst-Helmsley is gonna have to be soiled by this grease monkey with those filthy, greasy fingernails of his, Bob &quot;Spark Plug&quot; Holly. Look at the look on Hunter's face. Oh, this has gotta be...oh, I can't even imagine it myself.
:'''Vince McMahon''': This is degrading for Hunter Hearst-Helmsley?
:'''Jerry''': Without a doubt. 
:'''Vince''': Please.
:'''Jerry''': I mean, that's just two complete opposite worlds. You're looking at the kind of guy over there, in Bob &quot;Spark Plug&quot; Holly, that would spend his honeymoon at a monster truck rally or something, and then you've got a man over here who...his idea of a fast food restaurant would be someplace that could serve Kentucky-fried quail or pheasant under glass.
:'''Vince''': &quot;Kentucky-fried quail.&quot;
:'''Jerry''': Yeah.
:'''Vince''': I see.
:'''Jerry''': Or squab. You ever heard of that?
:'''Vince''': Squab?
:'''Jerry''': Yeah. That's the kind of things Hunter Hearst-Helmsley would eat.
:'''Vince''': Sounds like a detergent. Squab?
:'''Jerry''': You sure you're not from Alabama, like Bob there?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Sunny''': We're back! I'm sure everybody will agree that we were cheated once. And then guess what. We were cheated twice. But tonight, I promise you that third time's the charm for the Body Donnas. And Mr. Barry Horriblewitz will regret ever stepping up to the Body Donnas, and that's a promise. We plan on showing everyone, we plan on teaching Barry Horriblewitz, that good-for-nothing, out-of-shape, natural born loser, a lesson that he and all of you will never soon forget.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Earl Hebner''': ''[to Sunny after she threw in the towel]'' Hey, this is not boxing! This is wrestling! YOU GET OUT!!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jerry''': ''[on Barry Horowitz]'' I knew something was up when I looked at his name, and beside his name in the program, it said, &quot;yeah, right.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jerry''': You've heard of ''Buns of Steel''? I think Bertha Faye's got buns of cinnamon.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jerry''': ''[on [[w:Kane (wrestler)|Isaac Yankem, DDS]]]'' This man has been a great wrestler in the past under an assumed name.
:'''Vince''': What was his assumed name?
:'''Jerry''': I'm not gonna tell you that. He doesn't want them to know. He only wants everybody to know him by his name, and it's ''Yan''kem, not ''Yank''em.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Dok''': Come on, Shawn.
:'''Vince''': You're rooting for Shawn to win?
:'''Dok''': No, I don't care.
:...
:'''Dok''': Come on, Razor.
:'''Vince''': You just said, &quot;come on, Shawn,&quot; earlier.
:'''Dok''': I know. See? I'm very objective.

== [[w:SummerSlam (1996)|1996]] ==

:'''Vince McMahon''': Owen Hart, to a certain extent, following in the footsteps of his older brother, Bret &quot;The Hitman&quot; Hart.
:'''Mr. Perfect''': Do you have to mention his name at SummerSlam around me, McMahon?
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mankind''': There's no place like home, Todd, there's no place like home. For knowledge and discipline, there is no place like home. But as much as I love... ''[licks the side of a boiler]'' ...every square inch within these hallowed halls, it's time to leave, because destiny awaits on the other side. 
:'''Jim Ross''': Was he licking that thing?
:'''Mankind''': But as for you, Dead Man, take this simple warning: do not come in here, because outside the walls awaits you a fate worse than death, and a possible course of events that could alter the future of all mankind! Have a nice day!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mr. Perfect''': Look at Sunny. She looks great, doesn't she?
:'''Jim''': Oh, yeah, just ask her how good she looks, she'll tell ya.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Vince''': ''[on Phineas Godwinn and Zip]'' Here we go, criss-cross action. Where's she gonna stop? ''[Zip stops...]'' Right about there, maybe...''[Phineas and Zip rush to the Smoking Gunns' corner and tag both of them]'' Well, how about that?! 
:'''Jim''': There you go!
:''[They strut back, hug briefly, and go to their respective corners]''
:'''Vince''': Tagged both Gunns in! Look at that!
:'''Mr. Perfect''': Now wait a minute, they're not gonna wrestle each other.
:'''Jim''': They have to, they have no choice.
:'''Mr. Perfect''': No, they got...they gotta have something.
:'''Jim''': They gotta make contact, that's the rules, Perfect.
:'''Vince''': That's right, Billy now must wrestle Bart.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Sunny''': I want everybody to take a real good look right now at the winners and ''still'' World Wrestling Federation Tag Team Champions, and that's the way they're gonna stay! Now before we go and have our victory party, I want all you women to look at the Smoking Gunns, at what real men are supposed to look like. And boys, take a good look at the woman next to you—the fat, the cellulite, how out of shape they are right now. And as I look around here, this place is looking really sorry, so my generous gift to you—to make this building look a whole lot better. Hit it, boys!
:''[A giant pinup of Sunny unravels above the ring]''
:'''Vince''': Unbelievable!
:'''Sunny''':  Don't I look incredible?! Mwah!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jim''': I don't think the fans here miss Cornette. He's about as popular here as Art Modell.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jim Cornette''': I don't care if there's 50,000 stinking people out there, it's gonna make no difference! Shawn Michaels, we've proved a lot of things. We proved that Vader can pin you for a three-count, 'cause he did it last month. We proved that he can beat you up, 'cause he did it on ''Raw''. And now tonight at SummerSlam, we're gonna prove that Vader's gonna beat you when it counts, and that's for the World Wrestling Federation Title. I promised last month that Camp Cornette would win, I promise it tonight that Vader is gonna beat Shawn Michaels. Shawn, when he grabs you around the neck and you try to talk, dude, your voice is gonna sound like Peter Frampton's electronic kazoo in the instrumental break of &quot;Do You Feel Like We Do&quot;, and it's gonna be a bad ride from there! Because one way or another, we're gonna come out on top tonight. Vader's beaten Shawn Michaels once and for all!

== [[w:SummerSlam (1997)|1997]] ==
:''[official promo, with the narrator referring to specific people as they appear]''
:'''Voiceover''': In a perfect world, there would be no villains, no conspicuous manifestations of hate. Athletic excellence would be applauded, sportsmanship would be the rule, our heroes would remain heroes forever.&lt;/br&gt; If life were fair, then this legend ''[Bret Hart]'' would be lauded in his pursuit of a historic fifth World Wrestling Federation championship - instead, he's a fallen idol, America's Public Enemy No 1. The respect abandoned, bludgeoned, and spat upon by a society he feels condones defiance, and perpetuates hate. If life were fair, then this mighty champion ''[Undertaker]'', this survivor of deception and conqueror of earthly hells would surely revel in the championship spotlight. The bright lights wouldn't singe his aura, illuminating a dark, horrifying secret from his distant past. And if life were fair, then this man ''[Shawn Michaels]'' might still be champion. Dancing, flying, showcasing his extraordinary talents to legions of fans. He wouldn't be an athlete betrayed by an unwilling knee, a man surrendering a boyhood dream for a lost smile of youth. &lt;/br&gt; Is it fair that tonight, even in victory, this champion ''[Undertaker]'' would be haunted by personal demons whose voices cry out from the dark? Is it fair that tonight, this man ''[Bret]'' may rewrite history yet still incur the wrath of a hostile and unappreciative nation? And is it fair that tonight's special referee ''[Shawn]'' is a despised enemy of the challenger? Will vengeance flow ruinous from his biased heart, ensuring that tonight will be the last night Bret Hart ever wrestles in this country again?&lt;/br&gt; Life isn't fair... but who ever said it would be?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Vince McMahon''': Mankind, better known...well, not ''better'' known as, but certainly known as Mick Foley, grew up not all that far, grew up here in the tri-state area out on Long Island.
:'''Jerry &quot;The King&quot; Lawler''': Well, that explains what's wrong with him.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Ken Shamrock''': GET OUTTA MY WAY!!!
:...
:'''Vince''': Ken Shamrock. Although one cannot applaud the actions of Ken Shamrock, you certainly can't applaud what set this volcano off.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jim Ross''': Miguel Perez, whose father wrestled in the '50s and '60s, a great tag team competitor in the WWF. Partners with the late Antonino Rocca.
:'''Vince''': And following in his dad's footsteps, a tremendous competitor.
:'''Jim''': King, did you ever wrestle Antonino Rocca in the early '60s?
:'''Vince''': Stop this.
:'''Jerry''': Who?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jerry''': Four guys with bad attitudes. You know, the show ''America's Most Wanted'' was based on DOA.
:'''Jim''': I don't think John Walsh has ever spoke with the DOA, at least on a first-person basis.
:...
:'''Jerry''': You trying to tell me Crush has never been in trouble with the law? Huh? Shoot, his family portrait is a courtroom sketch.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Michael Cole''': Mr. Austin. Mr. Austin. Stone Cold. I need a quick word with you before the match.
:'''Stone Cold Steve Austin''': Yeah I got a quick word for you. Get out of here!
:'''Michael''': Mr. Austin, are you prepared? Are you prepared to put your reputation on the line tonight? You would have to kiss Owen's backside if you lose in front of all these people 20,000 people. A million people out there on pay per view. Mr. Austin, are you ready?
:'''Austin''': You're fixing to kiss my ass if you don't get your little ass out of my face. You got that? You and your stupid little bow tie. You don't impress me none, you little piece of trash!
:'''Vince''': Uh, Michael perhaps a little overzealous there. He doesn't know Stone Cold all that well.
:'''Jerry''': A man of few words, but one of them is a-double-s.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Vince''': What's gonna happen in the next match-up? Shawn Michaels cares about his own career, and obviously also cares, in a negative way, as it relates to the Hitman, Bret Hart. What sort of emotion is Shawn Michaels feeling as the guest referee?
:'''Jerry''': Are you kidding me? Shawn Michaels's ego is so big that it's got its own ZIP code, McMahon. All he cares about is what his hair looks like out here tonight. And you know what? Speaking of the Undertaker, Shawn Michaels...I mean, he's so full of himself, when he goes to a funeral, he's upset because he's not the corpse. He wants to be the center of attention, and tonight, some kind of way, he will manage to be the center of attention in this match.
:'''Vince''': And the Hitman Bret Hart said he didn't mean it literally, he meant it figuratively when he stated he would never wrestle again in the United States if he didn't win the WWF Championship. I'm sure he is regretting that comment.
:'''Jim''': Well, it's officially in the contract, so it is a done deal. If Bret Hart doesn't leave this arena, ladies and gentlemen, tonight here at SummerSlam with the WWF Championship, Bret...this will be Bret Hart's last match ever in the United States.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Bret &quot;Hitman&quot; Hart''': I'd like everybody to stand back and listen to the Canadian national anthem, and I just want to dedicate this match to all my fellow Canadians, to all my fans all over the world that feel the same way as I do about America and Americans. This is for you.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jim''': Now all the other WWF referees are gonna want pyro.
:'''Vince''': Music, pyro, yeah.
:'''Jerry''': Earl Hebner would look good in front of a Roman candle.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Shawn confronts Bret with the chair]''
:'''Vince''': Shawn Michaels with that chair that Bret tried to throw out of the ring. ''[Shawn pulls him off of the Undertaker]'' Maybe Michaels has had enough. Michaels was on the outside and did not see...
:''[Bret spits in Shawn's face]''
:'''Jerry''': Uh-oh!
:''[Shawn tries to hit Bret with the chair, but Bret ducks and Shawn hits the Undertaker instead]''
:'''Jim''': Good God! Good God!
:''[Bret covers Undertaker and waves Shawn over to count. Shawn counts to three and leaves.]''
:'''Vince''': I can't believe this.
:''[Undertaker leaves the ring]''
:'''Jim''': This is horrible.
:'''Vince''': And the Undertaker is going after Shawn Michaels.
:'''Howard Finkel''': The winner of this bout and NEW World Wrestling Federation Champion: Bret &quot;Hitman&quot; Hart!
:'''Vince''': The impossible has happened at this year's SummerSlam; and the Undertaker, with one last glance back at Bret Hart, as Bret Hart kisses the gold. And Bret Hart, somehow, is once again WWF Champion.
:'''Jim''': Bret Hart now immersing himself in the Maple Leaf. There's gotta be jubilation in Canada, perhaps jubilation in the United Kingdom and Germany, but there is no joy in East Rutherford, New Jersey, tonight.
:'''Vince''': We would like to take you back and show you how this happened.
:'''Jim''': This is shocking.
:'''Vince''': ''[off replay]'' Alright, here Shawn picked up the chair.
:'''Jerry''': He busted the Undertaker's brains out, but right now he's realizing if he don't count, he's gone too.
:'''Jim''': I don't understand that.
:'''Jerry''': What's not to understand?
:'''Vince''': And now Bret Hart being joined by all the other Hart Foundation members. Bret Hart, with the Maple Leaf draped around his neck, the flag of Canada, and the WWF Championship back around his waist for the fifth time, and it happened here in America.

== [[w:SummerSlam (1998)|1998]] ==

:'''Val Venis''': Hello ladies!
:'''Jerry &quot;The King&quot; Lawler''': Are there any ''ladies'' in New York City?
:'''Jim Ross''': Of course there are.
:'''Jerry''': Of the night.
:'''Venis''': So the Big Valbowski has arrived to the Big Apple. Well, you know something? I came, I saw...and I came again.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jerry''': Is D'Lo ''from'' Europe?
:'''Jim''': No, he's not, he's from Jersey.
:'''Jerry''': Jersey?
:'''Jim''': Right hand by D'Lo Brown.
:'''Jerry''': I think it's Lisbon or Munich.
:'''Jim''': Or Hoboken.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jerry''': The Rock's swinging that ladder just like Mark McGwire's swinging a baseball bat.
:'''Jim''': Why don't we ever talk about Sammy Sosa? Never mind.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jim''': No WWF Champion has ever entered Madison Square Garden with that kind of ovation! I challenge you, I challenge you to research that, King! I literally felt this building shake!
:'''Jerry''': Okay, I'll give you that. Every single soul is on their feet with anticipation! They love Stone Cold Steve Austin. But a lot of them love the Undertaker too. This is truly gonna be the collision on the highway to Hell.

== [[w:SummerSlam (1999)|1999]] ==

:'''Jim Ross''': The Rock just put Billy Gunn's face in that large woman's ass!

== [[w:SummerSlam (2002)|2002]] ==
:'''Jim Ross''': ''(After Triple H strikes Shawn Michaels twice with his sledgehammer after their match)'' I refuse to believe what I see, I refuse to believe that after the most courageous victory that many of us had ever seen, that son of a bitch used that hammer on Shawn, he's hit him twice with that sledgehammer! ''(Triple H performs a crotch chop to the incapacitated Michaels before leaving)'' My god almighty, Triple H is gonna rot.
:'''Jerry &quot;The King&quot; Lawler''': Hurry, hurry, get the....
:'''Jim''': He's gonna rot in hell for what he did here tonight. ''(EMT's attend to Michaels as Triple H smirks)'' This just makes me sick.
:'''Jerry''': Are you proud of yourself now?! Look at him! Look at that stinkin' smile on his face!
:'''Jim''': How in god's name can that human being be from this planet? How can he, does he have no conscience? Does he have no heart?! Do you have no soul?! You son of a bitch! Do you realize what you've just done?!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Michael Cole''': ''(after Brock Lesnar wins the WWE Undisputed Championship)'' &quot;The Next Big Thing&quot; has arrived!

== [[w:SummerSlam (2006)|2006]] ==
:'''Nature Boy Ric Flair''': ''(when the referee declares Mick Foley unable to continue in their I Quit match)'' This isn't a &quot;lay down on your ass&quot; match, it's an I Quit match!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Flair''': ''(shouting at Melina while grinding a barbed wired baseball bat into Mick Foley's eye)'' I'll kill you too, you stupid bitch!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Flair''': ''(after Melina throws in the towel to save Mick Foley from any more punishment from Flair)'' She... ''She'' does not quit for him. He quits!

== [[w:SummerSlam (2009)|2009]] ==
:'''Josh Mathews''': Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome my guest at this time, CM Punk. Punk, tonight, you have an opportunity to become the World Heavyweight Champion once again. What are your thoughts going into this Tables, Ladders &amp; Chairs match with Jeff Hardy?
:'''CM Punk''': I would love to talk to you about that right now, Josh, but there's something else I want to bring up, and that's this. ''(Holds up a screenplay entitled &quot;Live For The Moment: The Jeff Hardy Story&quot;)'' I had a friend at a fancy Hollywood agency the other day, and he ran across this little gem. Somebody actually took the time to write a screenplay about the Jeff Hardy story. So I was paging through it, and lo and behold, it culminates, of course, with Jeff conquering his demons and beating me here tonight in a TLC match at SummerSlam. What a great feelgood story, Josh, all except, of course, for the ending, which is not reality-based. It's fake, it's phony, just like everybody who lives in [[w:Los Angeles|this town]]. I'd go as far as to say that ''I'm'' the only real person in this building right now. I wish I could say it's a Los Angeles epidemic, but the fact is it's worldwide. You have people that falsely idolize what they see in movies and on television; you have housewives in Iowa that subscribe to ''U.S. Weekly'', ''US Weekly'', or whatever it's called, so they can model their hair after Kate Gosselin, instead of helping their own children with their homework; you have little kids all over the world, millions of them, who idolize the &quot;hip, cool star&quot;, and it doesn't matter if that hip cool star is some dork vampire in ''Twilight'', or if it's Jeff Hardy. It doesn't matter if that hip cool star has a reprehensible, reckless lifestyle. You know, it doesn't matter if the collective intelligence of this entire country continues to spiral downward, day in and day out. It doesn't matter as long as it's ''cool'', right? You know why they don't make movies about a guy like me? It's cause I don't support your poisoned society. I don't support this...this den of iniquity known as Hollywood. No, instead, I'm dismissed as being preachy, except I'm not preachy—I never have been. I just tell the truth. You know, I'm not a screenwriter either, but tonight I think I'll take a stab at it. Tonight I'm gonna rewrite the ending of &quot;The Jeff Hardy Story&quot;. It's gonna be horrifying. It's gonna be very, very graphic. It might be hard to watch for a lot of people, but it will have a happy ending: ''new'' World Heavyweight Champion—CM Punk. ''[He drops the screenplay and walks away]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Todd Grisham:''' NO! [After Jeff Hardy delivers a Swanton Bomb to CM Punk off a ladder] OH MY GOD I DON'T BELIEVE WHAT I JUST SAW!

== [[w:SummerSlam (2010)|2010]] ==
:'''[[w:Mike Mizanin|The Miz]]''': So I guess the question is: should I join team WWE or not? Hm… it’s a good question. What do you think? Do you all think that I should join team WWE? ''(crowd cheers)'' Well it’s a good thing I could care less about what you people think. Because the opinion in the locker room is that I am the missing link. I’m the missing puzzle piece, I’m the missing link in the chain that will lead team WWE to victory. You all saw it. Last Monday night on ''Raw'' Bret Hart and John Cena both asked me to be on team WWE. But what you didn’t see is what happened earlier today when I arrived at Staples Center. John Cena came up to me and he admitted that he’s been wrong about what he has been saying about the Miz. John Cena got down on his knees and begged me to be a part of team WWE, saying without me they can’t do it. John Cena literally said I’m the only superstar that can see him. Bret “The Hitman” Hart, a Hall of Famer, said I was the real Excellence of Execution, that I am the best there is, was and ever will be. Chris Jericho gave me his band CD Fozzy and I graciously accepted it but then threw it in the trash… My former Tag Team partner John Morrison finally said he is the Marty Jannetty of our former tag team and I am the Shawn Michaels, only better. Edge gave me a year’s supply of Slim Jims, R-Truth wrote me a crappy rap… As you can see everyone has admitted that they needed me on team WWE, except ALL OF YOU. ''(crowd boos)'' The WWE Universe needs to realize I am the fastest rising star, that I am WWE's new hope -no I am WWE's only hope. ''(crowd boos)'' I am the future. You get me people? I AM THE FUTURE, this face, I am the United States Champion, I’m a future WWE Champion. You people need to realize that. But I guess we need to get to the big decision. What’s it gonna be Miz? This decision is bigger than the Pepsi Challenge, it’s bigger than Arnold Schwarzenegger starring in Terminator 5, it is bigger (laughs) than the LeBron James spectacle on ESPN – which will ultimately lead to the Lakers losing the NBA Championship. ''(crowd boos)''  The question is: am I going to join team WWE? The answer is … yes. I will join team WWE and I will lead them to victory. The WWE Universe will not be talking they will not be buzzing about the Nexus… no, they won’t be looking up to their hero John Cena, no, you will be saying, you will be admitting to what I’ve been saying all along: that I am the Miz, and I’m… -no, no, no, no, no. You don’t get to do my catchphrase.  If any of you have anything to say to me, you raise your hand and you wait, you wait to be called upon. Until then I want absolute silence. ''(crowd boos)'' … Because I’m the Miz and I’M AWESOME!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Michael Cole''': ''[as the Miz enters]'' Yes, the man I believe is going to be the key to Team WWE.
:'''John Cena''': Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold it, hold up. Wait a second. Miz, I got news for you: you're way, way, way too late. We realize how important this match is to WWE and we couldn't rely on somebody who was gonna make their decision the day ''of'' SummerSlam. So we all have gone out and found a seventh member of Team WWE. It's not you. As a matter of fact, it's somebody that hates the Nexus just as much as all of us. The seventh member of Team WWE is Daniel Bryan.
:'''Michael''': What?
:'''Jerry''': Daniel Bryan?
:'''Michael''': ''[as Bryan walks down the aisle]'' You've gotta be kidding me! 
:'''Jerry''': It ''is'' Daniel Bryan!
:'''Michael''': This is ridiculous! This is a huge mistake! Daniel Bryan was the Miz's rookie on NXT, and now he's part of Team WWE! And here we go!
:''[Team WWE charges into the ring]''
:'''Matt Striker''': Here we go! The American Dragon has arrived at SummerSlam!

== [[w:SummerSlam (2011)|2011]] ==

:'''The Miz''': Ladies and gentlemen, back by popular demand, the most must-see WWE Champion of ALL TIME, the Miz has returned to SummerSlam! I just wanna take this time to thank each and every one of you for your insistence that I compete tonight and for your unwavering support. So now I want you to sit back and relax and watch as I steal the show like only I can because...
:''[Interrupted by R-Truth's single entry quote as he comes down the aisle]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Now that was pretty rude.
:'''R-Truth''': Yo, Miz! I don't know why you wanna thank these people here in Los Angeles. You know how I hate spiders, Miz? You see, spiders start with the letter S... ''[Audience yells &quot;WHAT?!&quot;]''...just like SummerSlam starts with the letter S. ''[WHAT?!]'' Don't &quot;what&quot; me! ''[What?!]'' And singing at SummerSlam is Cee-Lo Green. ''[WHAT?!]'' You know what else starts with the letter C? ''[WHAT?!]'' Conspiracy. You see what I mean?! ''[WHAT?!]'' Next time y'all &quot;what&quot; me...
:''[Interrupted by Alberto Del Rio's music, who drives in in a [[w:Ferrari California|Ferrari California]]]''
:'''Jerry &quot;The King&quot; Lawler''': This is SummerSlam, I thought we were on ''Sesame Street'' there for a minute.
:'''Booker T''': Wow, just in time.
:'''Michael''': You're on a street paved with gold now.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''John Laurinaitis''': I want you to tell me directly that that kick was accidental, 'cause I will not allow you to impugn my integrity or challenge my authority as Executive Vice President of Talent Relations. So I want a public apology for what happened last Monday night right now.
:'''CM Punk''': ''[mockingly]'' I'm sorry. Please forgive me and humbly accept my apology, Mr. John Laurinaitis, Senior Executive of Talent Relations...
:'''Laurinaitis''': Executive Vice President.
:'''CM Punk''': Executive Vice President of Talent Relations. I'm sorry.
:''[He makes a few faces and Laurinaitis walks away. He turns around to find Stephanie McMahon]''
:'''Stephanie McMahon''': I just came to wish you luck tonight.
:'''CM Punk''': ''[looking over his shoulders]'' You came here to wish ''me'' luck?
:'''Stephanie''': I did.
:'''CM Punk''': I find that hard to believe. Why don't you go run along and talk to your husband, the new COO of WWE; or you know, better yet, why don't you go wish your daddy luck? I mean, I know he doesn't run day-to-day operations around here anymore—thank God!—but I know he's still chairman of the board.
:'''Stephanie''': Well, I actually did speak to both my husband and my father and, believe it or not, they both wish you luck too, as well as John Cena. But what would I know? I'm just Vince McMahon's clueless daughter, right?
:'''CM Punk''': Yeah, more or less, you're pretty clueless, but I didn't say it, you did. I called you idiotic.
:'''Stephanie''': ''[shrugging and extending her hand]'' Good luck.
:'''CM Punk''': I would, but I know where that hand's been.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''R-Truth''': There's no way we shoulda lost that. It's a C-O-N...what do you think about this, Jimmy Hart? What do you think?
:'''Jimmy Hart''': You know, Truth, I've been watching you. You know, you need somebody to take you to the top because...you're good, but you need somebody to take you to the top. Look what I've done—I've managed the Honky Tonk Man, I've had Money Inc., I've had the Hart Foundation. You need somebody to watch your back and, like I said again, take you to the top. You need somebody to watch over you to make sure you don't get got by the conspiracy. You need someone like me. You need me because you got think big. You gotta think big in this business.
:'''R-Truth''': You make a lot of sense, Jimmy. A lot of sense. It's a big world, it's a big business. You ''gotta'' think big. Everything's big. I had it wrong all along. Think big and not little, Jimmy.
:'''Jimmy''': Not little.
:'''R-Truth''': Little Jimmy? You Little Jimmy?
:'''Jimmy''': ''[scared]'' I'm not Little Jimmy.
:'''R-Truth''': You smell like Little Jimmy!
:'''Jimmy''': I don't smell...I'm not Little Jimmy!
:'''R-Truth''': You talkin' 'bout Little Jimmy?!
:'''Jimmy''': No, no, I wasn't. I wasn't.
:'''R-Truth''': Where's Little Jimmy at?!
:'''Jimmy''': ''[running away]'' I don't know where Little Jimmy is!
:'''R-Truth''': Every time I turn around, Little Jimmy! Little Jimmy's conspiracies everywhere! Getting tired of this. ''[Turns to his right]'' What y'all lookin' at?!
:''[He walks away as the camera turns to show Ron Artest and his daughter Diamond]''
:'''Diamond Artest''': ''[to Ron]'' And they say ''you'' need counseling?
:'''Ron Artest''': It's okay.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jerry''': ''[on Daniel Bryan]'' I like the beard on him, I like the new look on Daniel Bryan...
:'''Michael''': You know how long it took him to grow that beard? About two months! Actually, I believe he hasn't even shaved yet. Like, forever.
:'''Jerry''': What is Daniel Bryan gonna have to do to make a believer out of you? Is there anything possible he can do to make you a Daniel Bryan fan? What?
:'''Michael''': Yeah, quit.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Edge''': As most of you probably know, ''[to Christian]'' as you know, ''[to random fans]'' as you know, as you know, heck, as you know, the WWE doctors...the WWE have told me that I'll never physically be cleared to compete here ever again. ''[Audience boos]'' Trust me, I booed too, okay? It was a bitter pill to swallow. But you know what? When I left, I was actually happy. I was happy. Here's the thing. Because I felt that I was part of passing the torch to Christian. I felt like...like maybe I opened the door a crack for you and you kicked it wide open and I was so proud of you. You finally became the World Heavyweight Champion and no one deserved it more than you. Hey, hear me out. Here's the thing. I thought it was unfair that Teddy Long made you defend the Championship five days after a ladder match. We both agreed on that. You didn't think it was fair, I didn't think it was fair. And then you came and you complained about it the next week, and the week after that, and the week after that, and the week after that, the week after that, the week after that, the week after that, so on, and so on, and so on, and so on, and so on. You whined, you moaned, you asked for opportunity after opportunity, rematch after rematch, and you got it. You won back the World Heavyweight Championship—two-time World Heavyweight Champion. But you did it by disqualification? I mean, trust me, I did some horrible things in here, some really heinous things, but I always did it with style. I always did it with some panache. I wasn't boring. I didn't hide behind lawyers, I didn't hide behind suits and clipboards. Somewhere along the line, Christian, you became a disgrace to yourself. You're better than that, you know it. And I love ya. 'Til the day I die, you will be my best friend, that's never gonna change, but you need to hear this from me 'cause you're not gonna listen to it from anybody else—I didn't know my best friend would become a whining, crying, moaning little bitch.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Michael''': Talking to one vet earlier on today when he...well, he compared Triple H as the COO and as the referee of this match-up akin to a police officer making an arrest, and then that same police officer also being the judge in the same case. A little conflict of interest perhaps, that's how many people view this.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Michael''': ''[as CM Punk celebrates his win, becoming undisputed WWE Champion]'' What a SummerSlam, ladies and gentlemen, here tonight in Los Angeles. What a SummerSlam. ''[Punk turns around to find Kevin Nash, who clotheslines him] Wait a minute, oh my God! Who the hell?! Who the hell is that?!
:'''Booker T''': What the hell?
:'''Michael''': Kevin Nash! That's Kevin Nash!
:''[Triple H walks back to the ring shocked]''
:'''Booker T''': You got to be kidding! That's my big homey!
:'''Michael''': What is he doing here?! ''[Nash powerbombs Punk]'' Oh my God, the Jackknife Powerbomb! ''[Nash leaves through the audience as Triple H looks on in bewilderment. Meanwhile, Del Rio walks down with a referee and the briefcase]'' Oh my lo...OH MY GOD, Alberto Del Rio, Mr. Money in the Bank...
:'''Booker T''': Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh, my goodness.
:'''Michael''': ...with a referee in tow!
:'''Booker T''': Timing is everything!
:''[Del Rio hands the briefcase to the referee, who orders the impromptu match to begin]''
:'''Michael''': Del Rio! Del Rio with the Money in the Bank contract! He's cashing it in!
:'''Jerry''': ''[the bell rings]'' Alberto Del Rio cashing in his Money in the Bank contract!
:'''Michael''': CM Punk...
:'''Booker T''': I don't believe this.
:'''Michael''': ...taken out by Nash! ''[Del Rio kicks Punk in the head]'' Del Rio, kick to the back of the head! The cover! ''[The ref counts to three]'' Oh, my lord! Del Rio's Champion! Del Rio's Champion!
:'''Justin Roberts''': The winner of this match and NEW WWE Champion: Alberto Del Rio!
:'''Jerry''': ''[as Del Rio celebrates, being handed the title]'' This is absolutely unbelievable! What a turn of events!
:'''Michael''': Pandemomium at SummerSlam!
:'''Booker T''': What this is, guys, this is destiny tonight for Alberto Del Rio!
:'''Jerry''': But what was Kevin Nash doing here?!
:'''Michael''': Triple H trying to figure out...trying to make sense of everything that has happened here.
:'''Jerry''': As ''we'' are. This is total chaos. I think that Alberto Del Rio is now the undisputed WWE Champion.
:'''Michael''': He is! He is!
:'''Booker T''': Did you say &quot;think&quot;? Alberto Del Rio is the new WWE Champion here tonight at SummerSlam! He cashed it in!
:'''Michael''': Triple H has no idea what's happened. Del Rio cashed in his Money in the Bank contract...
:'''Jerry''': But he did it after CM Punk was laid out by Kevin Nash, who had...what the hell was he doing here?! Well, there's our undisputed Champion, Alberto Del Rio! What just happened?!

== [[w:SummerSlam (2012)|2012]] ==

:'''Jerry &quot;The King&quot; Lawler''': ''[on the &quot;YES!&quot; chants]'' The chants are really getting to Daniel Bryan.
:'''Michael Cole''': I'm gonna point out what I've been saying all along. This is extremely unfair for Daniel Bryan. The crowd's distracting him.
:'''Jerry''': You just really can't make up your mind, can you? You're indecisive. I remember when you couldn't stand Daniel Bryan; now you're at the top of his fan club.
:'''Michael''': Well, he's won me over.
:'''Jerry''': I heard you've got a seven-year-old son you haven't named yet. Come on, make up your mind about things, Cole.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Michael''': ''[after Triple H had tapped out to Brock Lesnar]'' You have to wonder if this is the end for Triple H.
:''[Triple H can't find the words and walks back]''
:'''Jerry''': Wow, I think he just said goodbye.

== [[w:SummerSlam (2013)|2013]] ==

:'''Damien Sandow''': Throughout literary history, there have been several prolific pairings. Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson; to dumb it down for all of you halfwits, Batman and Robin. Each duo had something in common—there was a leader and an inferior sidekick or lackey. Cody Rhodes was my sidekick, and tonight I send him back from whence he came, from his family of carnival clowns. SILENCE! Team Rhodes Scholars could have been the ultimate prolific pairing. But tonight, I send Cody back to the pairing he was destined for,with his father—Dumb and Dumber. You're welcome.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Lilian Garcia''': And his opponent, from San...''[Alberto stops her and whispers into her ear]'' Ladies and gentlemen, Alberto Del Rio is insisting that I introduce him in Spanish. ''Desde San Luis Potosí, Mexico, pesando doscientos treinta y nueve libras. Él es el campeón de peso completo, Alberto Del Rio!''
:'''Jerry &quot;The King&quot; Lawler''': Lilian had better be careful. We know what happened to the [[w:Ricardo Rodriguez (wrestler)|''last'' ring announcer]] for Alberto Del Rio.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Daniel Bryan hits a running knee on Cena]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Bryan for a cover, hook of the leg...''[Triple H counts to three]'' HE DID IT! DANIEL BRYAN DID IT! DANIEL BRYAN IS WWE CHAMPION!
:'''Jerry''': Oh man!
:'''Justin Roberts''': The winner of this match and NEW WWE Champion: Daniel Bryan!
:'''Michael''': The fairytale has come true! The dream of a lifetime! The decade of perseverance and hard work has paid off! Daniel Bryan is on top of the world!
:'''John &quot;Bradshaw&quot; Layfield''': It's said before, but they're right—miracles can happen!
:'''Michael''': Daniel Bryan is WWE Champion!
:'''Jerry''': The beard is here, and the Champ is here!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jerry''': This could be the year of the beard.
:'''Loudspeaker''': I hear voices in my head...
:'''Michael''': Oh my God. Oh my God!
:'''JBL''': You've gotta be kidding me.
:'''Michael''': Mr. Money in the Bank, Randy Orton, briefcase and contract in tow.
:'''JBL''': Randy Orton's gonna cash in.
:''[Randy stops before ringside]''
:'''Michael''': Is Randy Orton gonna ruin Bryan's moment? ''[Randy holds the briefcase up, takes a few steps toward the ring...]'' The Champ not backing down. ''[...then turns around and walks back]'' And Randy Orton with a little message, just a little reminder to the WWE Champion.
:'''Jerry''': Yeah. &quot;I'm still here.&quot;
:'''Daniel Bryan''': ''[as Randy stops halfway up and turns around]'' YES!
:'''Crowd''': ''[chanting]'' YES!
:'''Jerry''': Wait a minute.
:''[Triple H turns Daniel around, kicks him in the gut...]''
:'''Michael''': Oh my God! OH MY GOD!
:'''JBL''': What are you doing?!
:'''Michael''': What the hell?! ''[...and Pedigrees him. Randy enters the ring and hands the briefcase to Triple H.]'' Oh my God, no. Oh my God, no! Hunter, what are you doing?!
:'''Triple H''': ''[handing the briefcase to the announcer]'' Ring the bell now. Ring it.
:'''Michael''': Hunter, what are you doing? This match is underway. Bryan's out cold. ''[Randy turns Daniel onto his back and covers him.]'' Randy Orton...''[Triple H counts to three, with the crowd counting alongside him]'' Randy Orton has cashed in Money in the Bank. Randy Orton is a seven-time WWE Champion.
:'''Justin''': The winner of this match and NEW WWE Champion: Randy Orton!
:'''Jerry''': Oh my God! Triple H, wha...?
:'''JBL''': What the hell just happened?
:'''Michael''': ''[struggling to say it]'' It just isn't real.
:'''JBL''': Talk about a damper on the party. This is the damnedest SummerSlam I've ever seen.
:'''Michael''': You've gotta be kidding me.
:'''JBL''': You can't help but feel bad for Daniel Bryan.
:'''Michael''': Daniel Bryan...Daniel Bryan.
:'''Jerry''': Well, you know what, guys? Look at it this way—Mr. McMahon just got ''his'' wish. He didn't want Cena to be Champion, and he sure as hell didn't want Daniel Bryan to be Champion.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jerry''': Randy Orton didn't even have to do a thing. After that Pedigree, he just turned Daniel Bryan over, covered him, and the Game counted 1-2-3; we got a new WWE Champion. What on Earth have we just witnessed? What does this mean?! What's gonna happen?!

== [[w:SummerSlam (2014)|2014]] ==

:'''The Miz''': In a summer dominated with [[w:Transformers: Age of Extinction|talking robots]], [[w:Dawn of the Planet of the Apes|talking monkeys]], and [[w:Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014 film)|talking Ninja Turtles]], tonight, you are blessed in be in a presence with a real-life, non-CGI movie star. A man who possesses something that [[w:Guardians of the Galaxy (film)|Drax the Destroyer]] to [[w:Hercules (2014 film)|Hercules]] to every single person in this town wishes they had—''[points to his face]'' this, the moneymaker. See, tonight, I wanna make Dolph Ziggler go from a bright, shiny star that everybody's been talking about, to an unrecognizable failure. In other words, I'm gonna make WWE Dolph Ziggler, Superstar, the WWE version of the Lakers.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Michael Cole''': ''[on Maria Menounos]'' She once called me her favorite host of all time at WrestleMania.
:'''Jerry &quot;The King&quot; Lawler''': What?
:'''John &quot;Bradshaw&quot; Layfield''': She later admitted that she was under the influence.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''JBL''': On Paige's 22nd birthday, she becomes a 2-time Divas Champion!
:'''Jerry''': Guys, we've had two matches and two title changes here tonight.
:'''Michael''': What an incredible performance by Paige, and what a counter, guys, of AJ's Black Widow submission maneuver.
:'''JBL''': What an incredible SummerSlam so far! Happy birthday, Paige!
:''[Paige sits a barely conscious AJ up and hugs her, gives her a kiss, and shoves her back down. She skips around the ring]''
:'''Jerry''': Look at...look at this.
:'''JBL''': Paige ''does'' have affection, she ''does'' love AJ.
:'''Jerry''': Come on, this is... As you said, Michael, that's a little creepy.
:'''Michael''': Whack-job.
:'''JBL''': Champion.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Michael''': What a specimen. ''[Brock picks up Cena over his shoulders]'' Oh, my God, Cena on top. Brock Lesnar. Brock Lesnar going for the F-5. ''[Lesnar hits the F-5 and covers Cena]'' For the Championship, Lesnar with the cover. ''[Referee counts to three]''  Lesnar has won the WWE World Title in convincing fashion!
:'''Justin Roberts''': The winner of this match...and NEW WWE World Heavyweight Champion: Brock Lesnar!
:'''JBL''': That is the most dominating performance I have ever seen in a championship match in my life.
:'''Michael''': It wasn't even close.
:'''JBL''': My God.
:'''Michael''': Lesnar has conquered John Cena.
:'''JBL''': Lesnar destroyed a 15-time World Champion, he destroyed the Streak. This man, Brock Lesnar, is unstoppable.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Michael''': This was a merciless assault.
:'''JBL''': I think Brock could've ended it earlier. He just didn't want to. I never dreamed I would see this happen to John Cena.
:'''Michael''': What a 2014 for Brock Lesnar - the most dominant year of any athlete here in WWE! He stops the undefeated streak at WrestleMania of the Undertaker, and he slays John Cena!
:'''Paul Heyman''': ''[to Brock]'' You are the conqueror, and you've conquered the WWE Universe!

== [[w:SummerSlam (2015)|2015]] ==

:'''[[Jon Stewart]]''': You know, I've spent the last 16 years talking about politics; it's nice to be back in reality.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Xavier Woods''': Brooklyn, now, we know that your city is used to feeling filthy and disgusting, so we brought you some positivity. I mean, look at how clean we are. Everybody, get your cameras out and see how good we look!
:'''John &quot;Bradshaw&quot; Layfield''': They are clean.
:'''Kofi Kingston''': You see, today, we're gonna teach up about a little something called hip...hop, something that New York doesn't know anything about. Y'all don't know nothing about hip-hop, because hip-hop originated in the South.
:'''Xavier''': [[w:Yeah! (Usher song)|Peace up, A-Town down!]]
:'''Kofi''': So it goes a little something like this. ''[The New Day enters the ring]'' Hold on now, come on, come on. You know Jay-Z's tried this, but Jay-Z failed. The good news is the New Day's about to make it a whole lot better. All right, pitch pipes to C. Pitch pipes to C.
:'''Big E''': Got it.
:''[The New Day blows into their pipes]''
:'''Kofi''': ''[to tune of &quot;[[w:Empire State of Mind|Empire State of Mind]]&quot;] Let's hear it for New Day''
:'''Xavier''': ''Negativity won't affect us
:'''Kofi''': ''Clap 'cause it's infectious''
:'''Xavier''': ''Let's hear it for New Day''
:'''Big E''': ''All those other tag teams are booty''
:''Yeah, I said booty''
:'''Xavier''': ''Let's hear it for New Day''
:'''New Day''': ''New Day, New Daaa...[brief stop for breath]...aaayyyyy''
:...
:'''JBL''': Jay-Z's gonna sign those guys if he can afford 'em.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Xavier''': Tricep meat all day long! Big E's got the market cornered on tricep meat! You can't even get a hamburger in WWE because Big E sells nothing but tricep meat!
:'''JBL''': That's what happens when you have a Ph.D, Michael—you've got a lot to say like Xavier Woods.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jon''': Paul Heyman, I'm a big fan. I call you the Apex Orator.
:'''Paul Heyman''': Thank you. I consider that a compliment.
:'''Jon''': It is a compliment. May I have a word with Mr. Lesnar?
:'''Paul''': Now's not really a good time.
:'''Jon''': Because I'm an Undertaker guy, is that what this is?
:'''Paul''': Well...that's not the only reason, but if I may. What happened when your ''guy'' fought my Beast, what do you got to say about that?
:'''Jon''': You're pretty happy about that, right? The victory. You know who wasn't happy about that? Wrestling fans. See, that's what I am; I'm a wrestling fan. And the Undertaker had perfection. He had a streak that hadn't been seen, 21-0. You know who people remember? [[w:Joe DiMaggio|Joe DiMaggio]] and [[w:Hitting streak|his streak]]. You know who they ''don't'' remember? [[w:Ken Keltner|The guy who ended that streak]]. So let me ask you something. When you watched WrestleMania, were you happy to see the fans' faces, the disappointment and the sadness of those people who paid good money to come out and see perfection? But there you were as the advocate, rubbing salt, salt in the wound of every wrestling fan everywhere. They came out there to WrestleMania that day hoping to see magic, perfection. It was Christmas morning, they had that present, they opened it up, and they didn't get a puppy. You know what they got, you know what you gave them, you and the guy with the head and the shoulders and the dagger on the chest? You know what you gave them? Coal. Are you happy about that? What do you have to say about that?
:'''Paul''': ''[to tune of &quot;Battle Hymn of the Republic&quot;] Glory, glory, Brock Lesnar''
:''Glory, glory, Brock Lesnar''
:I guess we couldn't get David Letterman to host the show tonight.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[As Jon Stewart runs into the Cena-Rollins match with a chair, between the two]''
:'''JBL''': What is Jon Stewart doing?
:'''Jerry &quot;The King&quot; Lawler''': Jon Stewart?
:'''JBL''': He told Cena in the pre-show, &quot;if you need any help, I'm there.&quot;
:'''Michael''': Well, remember Stewart's had major issues with Rollins on his old ''Daily Show''.
:'''Jerry''': Jon, don't do this. You cannot do this.
:'''JBL''': Jon Stewart has no business being in there, none. It's a World Championship match, get him out of there!
:'''Jerry''': I can't believe this.
:'''Michael''': Cena has no idea what's going on, he can't even see. ''[Jon rams Cena in the stomach with the chair]'' Oh, come on! What the hell did he do that for?!
:''[Jon throws the chair at Seth's feet and scurries out of the ring. Seth hits the Pedigree on Cena]''
:'''Jerry''': Jon Stewart, what have you done?!
:'''Michael''': Pedigree on the chair! A Pedigree on the chair! ''[Rollins tosses the chair out and covers Cena]'' Rollins is gonna win the US Title! You gotta be kidding me!
:'''JBL''': What did Jon Stewart do that for?!
:'''Michael''': Not like this! 
:''[Chad Patton counts to three]''
:'''JBL''': Why would he do that?!
:'''Michael''': Rollins has made history thanks to Jon Stewart!
:'''Lilian Garcia''': Ladies and gentlemen, your United States and WWE World Heavyweight Champion: Seth Rollins!
:'''JBL''': The hell did we just see?!
:'''Jerry''': The host of SummerSlam just helped Seth Rollins win!
:'''Michael''': Seth Rollins, the first man to hold the United States Title and the WWE World Title, but what did we just see?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Michael''': Jon Stewart has gone from ''Daily Show'' host to SummerSlam criminal here tonight.
:'''JBL''': Maybe SummerSlam hero; depends on your perspective, Michael.
:'''Jerry''': Oh, come on, that wasn't right and you know it, John.

== [[w:Summerslam (2016)|2016]] ==
:'''Big Cass''': New York City!
:''[crowd cheers]''
:'''Big Cass''': How you doin'?
:'''Enzo Amore''': This match is dedicated to all the teachers that told us we never amount to nothing. To all the people in the building hustling trying to make some money on feeding their daughter, and all the people in the struggle, you know what I'm saying?
:'''Cass''': It's all good, baby, baby!
:'''Enzo''': It was all a dream and that dream has become a reality! How you doin'? There was once a man who stood on the other side of the Hudson River who went by Ol' Blue Eyes. And when he sang &quot;New York, New York&quot;, he knew he was looking at the greatest city in the world, and he knew full well if you can make it here, then you can make it anywhere.
:'''Cass''': ''[singing]'' It's up to you, New York, New York!
:''[crowd cheers]''
:'''Enzo''': And young blue eyes right in this ring and that seven-footer standing next to me, right now we're in an Empire State of Mind, baby. And we are living proof that bright lights can inspire you. So, with that being said, allow me to quote a great from right here in Brooklyn, New York, a notorious New Yorker, Biggie Smalls. Biggie Smalls said, &quot;Mo' money, mo' problems.&quot; Well then Jeri-KO, you're looking at a couple problems cause me and Big Cass are walking, talking checks on the come up like the Michael Jordan silhouette.
:'''Cass''': Jeri-KO, we've got 99 problems and you ain't one of them. You wanna come into our backyard and try to act hard? Well, no, no, no, no, no, because there's only ''[the crowd joins in]'' one word to describe you, and I'm gonna spell it out for ya! S-A-W-F-T!
:'''Crowd''': SAWFT!

== [[w:SummerSlam (2022)|2022]] ==
:'''Corey Graves''': I liked you better when you weren't allowed to have an opinion.
:'''Michael Cole''': That's changed. A lot's changed.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
''[Brock Lesnar using a tractor to attempt flipping the ring]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Where the hell is he going?
''[the ring moves]''
:'''Corey Graves''': Oh, Jesus!
:'''Michael Cole''': Corey, get the hell out of there! Brock Lesnar just moved the entire ring with a goddamn ''tractor!''
:'''Corey Graves''': I'm in Kid Rock's lap right now! God Almighty, what the hell is Lesnar doin'?!
:'''Michael Cole''': Anything he wants! ''[Lesnar flips the ring]'' Lesnar's liftin' up the ''[Corey: OH, MY GOD!!!]'' ring with Roman Reigns in it! With a damn ''tractor!!'' REIGNS FALLS OUT OF THE ENTIRE RING!!
:'''Corey Graves''': THIS IS ONE OF THE DAMNEDEST THINGS I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!
:'''Michael Cole''': I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS! EVER! BROCK LESNAR JUST LIFTED THE RING FIFTEEN FEET OFF THE GROUND WITH A DAMN TRACTOR!!!!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
''[Lesnar tries to beat the count of 10]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Corey, this is-- this- this is sickening. This is uncomfortable out here.
:'''Corey Graves''': I-I-I-I'm speechless.
:'''Michael Cole''': We're at a count of five. Roman Reigns is four ticks away from retaining his championship. A count of seven now. A count of eight, Brock Lesnar-- Look at the look in Lesnar's eyes! Lesnar back to a knee! Lesnar beats the count again! You gotta be ''kidding'' me! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?! '''WHAT IS THIS MAN MADE OF?!?!?!?!'''
:'''Corey Graves''': HE'S NOT HUMAN!!!
''[Reigns pummels Lesnar with the WWE Championship]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Reigns with the title off the face of Lesnar! That's ''gotta'' be it!! &lt;big&gt;'''FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, COUNT FASTER!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;

==[[w:Summerslam (2024)|2024]]==

''[Dominik Mysterio and Liv Morgan kiss each other after Mysterio cost Rhea Ripley the Women's World Championship]''
:'''Michael Cole''': '''DOMINIK, YOU SORRY TWO-TIMING SON OF A BITCH!!!'''
:'''Pat McAfee''': '''This piece of trash screwed over his dad, and now screws over his Mami as well!!!'''
:'''Corey Graves''': Ain't love grand?
:'''Michael Cole''': Rhea Ripley heartbroken. Guys, has this been a ruse for months? What the hell is going on here?
:'''Pat McAfee''': You would assume that Dom can't think months in advance 'cause he's too dumb, but anything's possible with this piece of...
:'''Michael Cole''': Well, just say it. I mean that's what he is.
:'''Pat McAfee''': '''THIS PIECE OF SHIT!!!'''

==[[w:SummerSlam (2025)|2025]]==

:''[Cody Rhodes has just won back the WWE Championship, and he leaves the ring to let John Cena have the final moment]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Ladies and gentlemen, enjoy this while you can. We have four months left to enjoy the greatness that is John Cena. ''[As Cena starts to leave, Brock Lesnar's music suddenly hits, and the crowd erupts thunderously]'' WHAT?! ''[Lesnar himself emerges]'' HOLY SHIT!!!
:'''Wade Barrett''': OH… MY… GOD!!!
:'''Michael Cole''': IT'S THE BEAST!!! IT'S THE BEAST!!!
:'''Wade Barrett''': THE BEAST IS BACK!!!
:'''Michael Cole''': BROCK LESNAR!!! BROCK LESNAR!!! BROCK LESNAR IS AT SUMMERSLAM!!! OH, MY GOD! HELL HAS COME TO THE MEADOWLANDS! ''[Pyrotechnics go off and Lesnar slowly starts towards the ring]'' Wade, i-it's been years!
:'''Wade Barrett''': Hold on, I'm looking at the look in John Cena's eyes. It doesn't look like he's ready to greet an old friend here. There's a smile on the face of Brock Lesnar.
:'''Michael Cole''': Let's not use the word &quot;friend&quot; when it comes to Lesnar and Cena! This is a man that has beaten the hell out of John Cena over the years! 
:'''Wade Barrett''': This is a man who is a walking hazard, a walking threat!
:'''Michael Cole''': John Cena once called this man his greatest rival, his toughest rival, his most physical rival, and Brock Lesnar is here, and he's as massive as ever! ''[Lesnar and Cena lock eyes for a few moments before Lesnar takes off his vest]'' The Beast has not taken his eyes off John Cena since he entered this stadium. ''[Lesnar takes off his hat]'' He had to shed his jacket, he's taken off his hat. 
:'''Wade Barrett''': This is a man built for one thing. ''[Lesnar quickly slides into the ring and hoists Cena up on his shoulders]'' 
:'''Michael Cole:''': And now Lesnar into the ring, and Brock Lesnar with John Cena on his shoulders! ''[Lesnar delivers a thunderous F-5 to Cena]'' Brock Lesnar with an F-5 to John Cena!! On a night when John Cena went through an absolute war with Cody Rhodes!
:'''Wade Barrett''': Let's be honest, Brock Lesnar was never coming down here to commiserate with anyone.

==External links==
{{wikipedia|SummerSlam}}

[[Category:WWE TV shows]]
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      <text bytes="99870" sha1="dabzg0h7dabfsgshjzc6l8h36cqhizt" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:SummerSlam|SummerSlam]]''' is a [[w:WWE|WWE]] [[w:Pay Per View|Pay Per View]] held every August since 1988. It is regarded as the second biggest show of the year behind [[w:WrestleMania|WrestleMania]]. The first SummerSlam was held August 29, 1988 at [[w:Madison Square Garden|Madison Square Garden]].

== [[w:SummerSlam (1988)|1988]] ==

:'''Howard Finkel''': Ladies and gentlemen...our opening contest is a tag team bout, scheduled for one fall.  Currently in the ring to my left, hailing from Montreal, Quebec, Canada, but SOON to relocate in the United States, at a total combined weight of 474 lbs...here are Jacques and Raymond, the Fabulous Rougeau Brothers.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Honky Tonk Man''' : Get me somebody out here to wrestle, I don't care who it is.
:'''Superstar Billy Graham''' : Ho ho ho. Don't say that, my man. There are some people in that locker room who would take this man apart.
:'''Gorilla Monsoon''': We're all waiting here with anticipation as for who the opponent will be. Well, maybe we haven't got an opponent.
:'''Billy''': Well, maybe we have an opponent, or maybe he's still lacing up his boots. Who knows, man.
:'''Gorilla''': ''[as familiar theme music plays]'' Wait a minute, wait a minute. Somebody's music.
:'''Billy''': That's familiar music, brother!
:'''Gorilla''': They've exploded here in the Garden! I don't see anybody yet!
:'''Howard''': ''[as the Ultimate Warrior runs to the ring and goes right after the Honky Tonk Man]'' Here is the challenger, weighing...
:''[Howard jumps out as the match begins]''
:'''Gorilla''': It's the Ultimate Warrior!
:'''Billy''': One man on the attack!
:'''Gorilla''': This place has gone bananas!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Gorilla''': Ultimate Warrior exploding here on the Honky Tonk Man. Beautiful flying tackle. The bell has gone and it's officially underway.
:'''Billy''': Warrior doesn't know what to do, he's so excited!
:''[Warrior knocks Honky Tonk Man down]''
:'''Gorilla''': The title definitely up for grabs here.
:'''Billy''': Oh, we could get a new champion right now, Gorilla Monsoon! Right now, brother, we could get a new champion!
:'''Gorilla''': ''[as Warrior hits a splash]'' Big splash here, hooks the leg... ''[Dave Hebner counts to three]'' It's over! History has been made here!
:'''Billy''': I love it! I love it!
:'''Gorilla''': Look at this place gone bananas!
:'''Billy''': Pandemonium is running wild in Madison Square Garden, my man!
:'''Gorilla''': History once again made here in Madison Square Garden!
:'''Howard''': The winner of this contest...and NEW Intercontinental Champion: The Ultimate Warrior!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Sean Mooney''': It is a different story here in the locker room of the Ultimate Warrior, the new Intercontinental Champion, and Warrior, you are now a champion in the World Wrestling Federation.
:'''Ultimate Warrior''': Honky Tonk Man, you thought it was like something out of a comic book, brother, but we're talking about real life! I was sitting in Parts Unknown waiting for the next spaceship to higher planes, and the lightning bolts came down from the sky, and the warriors spoke! They said &quot;make it to the Garden.&quot; Well, the Ultimate Warrior showed, and Honky Tonk Man, you gave the challenge, and the Ultimate Warrior and the little Warriors with all the painted faces rose to the challenge, and they conquered! I'm taking all the little Warriors through all the darkness and the pain! And Honky Tonk Man, if you want a piece of me, or anybody thinks they can take on the Warriors, I'm not hard to find. I'll be on the next spaceship to Parts Un...KNOWN!!!

== [[w:SummerSlam (1989)|1989]] ==

[Mean Gene is set to conduct an interview with Ravishing Rick Rude and Bobby Heenan]
:'''Mean Gene Okerlund''': Gentlemen, as you know the Ultimate Warrior-- ''(the SummerSlam sign falls off behind them.)''
:'''Vince McMahon''': Nice move.
:'''Gene''': Fuck it!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Ravishing Rick Rude''': What I'd like to have right now is for all you fat, out-of-shape SummerSlam sweathogs...
:'''Jesse &quot;The Body&quot; Ventura''': Ha ha ha!
:'''Tony Schiavone''': You like that?
:'''Jesse''': He's talking to you, Schiavone!
:'''Rick''': ...keep the noise down while I take my robe off and show the ladies what a ''real'' sexy man looks like.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The Ultimate Warrior has press slammed Rick Rude from the ring to the floor]''
:'''Jesse''': There was no call for that! The name of this sport is Wrestling. You wrestle inside the ring. This guy is a lunatic, I don't like him, he goes by his own rules, he don't listen to nothing.
:'''Tony''': But Jesse, he's bought all this on himself. With Bobby Heenan pulling the leg, with Andre the Giant trying to choke out the Ultimate Warrior, you gotta expect a guy like the Warrior to take matters into your own hands.
:'''Jesse''': And that means out to the floor. ''[Ultimate Warrior grabs the IC title and hits Rick Rude in the back with it]'' Hitting him with the belt?! This should be a disqualfication! That's an disqualfication!! Where is the hell the referee?!
:'''Tony''': That's outside of the ring Jesse.
:'''Jesse''': So what?!
:'''Tony''': As much as it can just be a countout here.
:'''Jesse''': What are you going to tell me Schiavone? You can shoot somebody outside the ring? As long as it's outside the ring? You know, you're even dumber than Monsoon! I thought Monsoon was the stupidest guy alive.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Howard Finkel''': Ladies and gentlemen, at this time, I am pleased to announce that we have a very special guest. A surprise ring announcer, let's welcome Rugged Ronnie Garvin!
:'''Jesse''': What?!
:'''Tony''': Ho ho ho! What about that Jesse?
:'''Jesse''': What is the purpose of this? The guy gets banned from refereeing, he gets banned from wrestling, now he's going to be a ring announcer?
:'''Tony''': Well I think we better hear what he has to say. Why not?
:'''Rugged Ronnie Garvin''': Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall.
:'''Tony''': He does a good job.
:'''Jesse''': He's reading cue cards.
:'''Tony''': Well, there's nothing wrong with that.
:'''Garvin''': Coming down the aisle, weighing 275 pounds, the Mighty Hercules!
:'''Tony''': The fans on their feet. As Rugged Ronnie Garvin makes the announcement, the Mighty Hercules making his way to the ring and quite personally Jesse, I can't wait to hear this introduction from Rugged Ronnie Garvin.
:'''Jesse''': It ought to be interesting.
:'''Garvin''': His so called opponent,
:'''Jesse''': &quot;So called opponent&quot;?
:'''Tony''': Well, that's an opinion.
:'''Garvin''': coming to the ring with that little pip squeak, poor excuse of a manager. The big mouth of the south, Jimmy Hart. Here's a man who says he's from Seattle Washington. He claims to weigh 249 pounds. To me, he looks like he's overweight by 30 pounds!
:'''Jesse''': How dare him do that as an announcer!
:'''Garvin''': This individual who can't think for himself and when he goes to his wimpy manager for advice, little Jimmy can't give him any!
:'''Jesse''': I think Ronnie Garvin's a punk!
:'''Garvin''': He's the only wrestler I've seen with two left feet! Wears a robe with cheap rhinestones! Can't tell whether he's coming or going! Made the biggest mistake of his life when he asked for me to be reinstated, Greg &quot;The Hammer&quot; Valentine!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Genius''': From the Meadowlands Arena to the multitudes beyond, I, The Genius, full of glory and renown
:Share my wondrous words of wisdom with the SummerSlam spectacular to validate my mortar board and gown.
:Brutus Beefcake and Hulk Hogan shall be running for their lives, the highest card they're holding is a deuce.
:They are totally unqualified to match the royal flush that shall be coming from the Macho Man and Zeus.
:&quot;Scary Sherri&quot; is the term that Brutus Beefcake used in slander, and he had the nerve to call her overdressed.
:That's when the Barber got a trim that wasn't on the schedule, because Sherri is a cut above the rest.
:On the other hand, Elizabeth is absolutely useless, she is less than just another pretty face. 
:When you add the unknown factor of the Human Wrecking Machine, tonight the Hulk shall be in second place!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Tony''': And Jesse Ventura, there is a power stronger than Zeus and it's called Hulkamania!
:'''Jesse''': Yeah sure Schiavone. It's called foreign object, that's what it's called. Hogan had to use an illegal foreign object to win this match. And if that's what the Hulkamaniacs advocate, well they can stick it!
:'''Tony''': (to Sensational Sherri) Well it's back to the cauldron for you young lady.
:'''Jesse''': And then, to top it all off, Hogan has to beat up a woman!
:'''Tony''': (to Elizabeth) Well Jesse, there's a real woman for you right there.
:'''Jesse''': There's a gold digger right there.

== [[w:SummerSlam (1990)|1990]] ==

:'''Sean Mooney''': Now, Mr. Perfect, it was less than ten days ago that you accepted the challenge from the [[w:Kerry Von Erich|Texas Tornado]] to defend the Intercontinental Championship. Have you ever prepared for a title defense on such short notice?
:'''Mr. Perfect''': To be perfectly honest with you, I haven't. You see, being absolutely ''perfect'' does have its problems, because when you're a ''perfect'' Intercontinental Champion, challengers are few and far between. And let's face it, I'm perfect in every way — the perfect body, the perfect mind, and the perfect record.
:'''Mooney''': Mr. Perfect, is it wise to accept a challenge from someone you know so little about?
:'''Bobby &quot;The Brain&quot; Heenan''': Wait a minute, pal, I'll handle this one. You see, I know a lot about this Texas Tornado, because if you've seen one, you've seen 'em all. And you know why they call you the Texas Tornado? Because you've got your head in the clouds, and if you've got your head in the clouds, pal, you don't have your feet on the ground! You see, a Texas tornado never really does any damage, because you can spot one coming a mile away. Sure, they may look ferocious, but all they're really good for is kicking up some dust and ''(laughing)'' maybe turning over a few mobile homes in some hick trailer park on the Panhandle.
:'''Perfect''': Remember this! Nobody beats Mr. Perfect!
:'''Perfect and Bobby''': Nobody.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
(''Mr. Perfect loses the Intercontinental title to the Texas Tornado)''
:'''Roddy Piper''': I'm sorry, what was the name of the guy who just ''lost'' again?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Mean Gene Okerlund''': With me now, Sensational Queen Sherri.
:'''Sensational Queen Sherri''': You mean ''victorious'' Sensational Queen Sherri.
:'''Gene''': Well, yes, but you're not gonna gloat like that.
:'''Sherri''': Listen, Mean Gene. When you are so good that you intimidate your opponent to the point where they don't even show up because they know that they'll take a sensational beating, you can gloat all you want.
:'''Gene''': Well, I suppose, but Queen Sherri, there's something peculiar going on around here as it relates to Sweet Sapphire. It's almost if she vanished into thin air. There were earlier sightings of Sapphire, but I don't know what's happened to her, I really don't.
:'''Sherri''': &quot;Earlier sightings&quot;? What is she, a UFO?! But you're right, a lot of people did see Sapphire earlier this afternoon, and I'm beginning to think that maybe she's not so dumb after all.
:'''Gene''': What do you mean?
:'''Sherri''': First of all, she was smart enough not to show up and take a beating in her match with me; second, I heard a few rumors a minute ago. She may be the smartest person in the WWF.
:'''Gene''': Rumors? What rumors?
:'''Sherri''': ''[laughing hysterically]'' Well...this is too good to be true!
:'''Gene''': Sensational Queen Sherri, I fail to see what's so funny about a missing person.
:'''Sherri''': I said she was missing, I didn't say anything about her being a person.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mooney''': Jake, it's well-founded that Bad News Brown is afraid of snakes. The question remains, are you afraid of sewer rats?
:'''Jake &quot;The Snake&quot; Roberts''': You know, my man, they don't call me the Snake for nothing, because Damian and I, we have a lot in common. But how about you, Bad News? You hang around with sewer rats. What does that say about you? But to answer your question, Sean, I'm not afraid of rats, no, because I don't have to be. You see, Damian here is really hungry. Yeah I know, Bad News says he hasn't fed his rats for weeks, and they must have a voracious appetite. But what I want to know, Bad News, is just how hungry are you? Because that's exactly what it's going to come down to—hunger. And hunger, that, Bad News, is what separates a man like me from a mouse like you.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mean Gene''': Hulk Hogan, hot on the heels of victory at SummerSlam tonight! What a powerhouse of a match between you and Earthquake, but I don't know, Hulk, if it's been settled.
:'''Hulk Hogan''': You know somethin', Mean Gene? The only thing left to do, brother, is to kickstart my Wide Glide, hang onto the Ape Hangers, and with the largest arms in the world, man, ride right up to Jack Tunney's office, brother! Let him know that the Hulkamaniacs realize they're still the stronger power in the world, brother! And Jack Tunney, I just want you to know, dude. They're building new buildings all around the country. New York City, Los Angeles, Chicago, Africa, Asia, North Pole, South Pole, and all points in between, brother! And the new buildings, Mean Gene, they're Earthquake-proof, brother!
:'''Mean Gene''': Earthquake-proof?
:'''Hulk''': Yes! Earthquake-proof! Because I'm gonna take this big, fat dude, and I'm gonna drag him all the way around the country, brother! I'm gonna beat him in each and every arena until Jack Tunney puts me right back where I belong—in the #1 contender's spot, brother.
:'''Mean Gene''': Well, Hulk Hogan, with all due respect, I think you're there already, I'll tell you what. A strong, strong outing for you against this mammoth, Earthquake.
:'''Hulk''': Well, you know something, Mean Gene? I felt the love of the Hulkamaniacs, brother. The 400,000 cards and letters in just a few short weeks prove, man, that this thing's gonna last forever. And now, Hulkamaniacs, this is the decade of the little Hulksters, brother. And now, there are four Demandments. Four Demandments—train, say your prayers, eat your vitamins, and believe in yourself, brother. If you believe in yourself like you made me believe in myself, you can get anything you want!
:And now, I'm getting a new 9-foot gun made, brother! A brand new surfboard with a 2 1/2 foot skeg, and I'm gonna go out to Venice Beach, and I'm gonna chase each and every shark I can find! And when I find the biggest wave I can find, I'm gonna catch that title wave, brother—I said ''title'' wave—and I'm gonna ride it right to the top! Whatcha gonna do, WWF, Earthquake, and Jack Tunney, and anybody else in my way?!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Ultimate Warrior''': Do you know what Ravishing Rick Rude and Bobby Heenan have in common with the Liberty Bell?
:'''Gene''': No, what?
:'''Warrior''': One is cracked, and the other is a ding dong.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Ravishing Rick Rude''': What I'd like to have right now is for all you fat, out-of-shape Pennsylvania piss-ants, keep the noise down while I take my robe off and give you a good look at the next World Wrestling Federation Champion.

== [[w:SummerSlam (1991)|1991]] ==

:'''Bobby &quot;The Brain&quot; Heenan''': If your parents were here Piper, they wouldn't let you know that you were gone.
:'''Rowdy Roddy Piper''': I'm not going to kill you for that remark, Boobs. I'll let you live with it for the next two and a half hours.
:'''Bobby''': I heard a rumor that your mom and dad ran away from home.
:'''Gorilla Monsoon''': Will you stop?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Bobby''': You know, Piper used to come home from school and find out that his parents had moved.
:'''Gorilla''': Will you stop?! I'm not going to tell you again or you'll be out of here.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Gorilla''': Concerned look on the face of Stu and Helen Hart.
:'''Bobby''': You know why they're concerned? They snuck in! They scared the usher away.
:'''Gorilla''': Will you be serious?!
:'''Roddy''': Stop it now Bobby!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Bobby''': Don't do it Perfect! Don't touch that ref!
:'''Gorilla''': Why? Disqualifcation will save his title.
:'''Bobby''': All right then nail him!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Gorilla''': ''[as Bret blocks a legdrop from Mr. Perfect]'' Nice block there, that move. Oh, he's got that hold half-applied on the canvas! He's turning him over!
:'''Roddy''': Beautiful counter!
:'''Bobby''': The Sharpshooter!
:'''Gorilla''': ''[as Hebner calls for the bell]'' He's got it!
:'''Roddy''': HE GOT IT!
:'''Bobby''': NO! NO!
:'''Gorilla''': We've got a new champion!
:'''Roddy''': We've got a new champion!
:'''Bobby''': NO!
:'''Roddy''': ALRIGHT!
:'''Howard''': The winner of this bout and NEW Intercontinental Champion: Bret &quot;Hitman&quot; Hart!
:''[Perfect kicks Bret once. Bret tears off Perfect's singlet as Perfect falls out on the ring]'' 
:'''Gorilla''': The new Intercontinental Champion, Bret &quot;The Hitman&quot; Hart!
:'''Roddy''': Tear it off, Bret! Tear it off, man!
:'''Gorilla''': Look at Perfect, he's hurt. He wants out of there!
:'''Roddy''': We've got us a new champeen! [''sic'']
:'''Gorilla''': And he deserves it! This place is going bananas!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Bobby''': With Butch, Luke and Andre in there...which one is Larry, Darryl, and Darryl?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Bobby is going to Hulk Hogan's dressing room with the NWA world title in his hands.]''
:'''Bobby''': Come on dummy, I don't have all day, I'm a busy man. Right here is the dressing room. Of the WWF champion Hulk Hogan. And I'm going to embarrass him and see what kind of a man he really is. ''[knocks on Hogan's door]'' Come on Hogan, open up! Wait till you see this. ''[Hogan opens the door.]'' On behalf of the real world's champion, Ric Flair, I would like to challenge you, Hogan. At any time any place - ''[Hogan slams the door.]'' Who do you think you're embarrassing?! You wouldn't do that if Ric Flair was standing here! You hear-- You hear me?! Turn that camera off. Turn that damn thing off!
:'''Gorilla''': Oh I love it!
:'''Roddy''': That's not the first door he's had slammed in his face. That's why he ain't married.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''[[w:Jacques Rougeau|The Mountie]]''': This is the way it's going to happen Mean Gene Okerlund. After I've done, beat your fat mug Boss Man, these little local hick cops are going to grab you and they're going to handcuff your hands. And they're going to take you and, I don't want you gentlemen to do it the New York style. I want gentlemen toto do it the Mountie kind of justice! If he fights back, I want you to drag him through these halls. And once we get back here, we wanna tan him in this little old paddy wagon. And once he get in here, it'll be your job to shackle his ankles, make sure he doesn't run away, shut the doors and throw the key away and bring him to that local New York caboose house. And we'll see you there Boss Man!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Bobby''': We are about to find out who the real law and order is. And I believe it's the man in the red shirt. ''[The Mountie]''
:'''Roddy''': Well I believe it's the man in the blue shirt. ''[The Big Boss Man]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Bobby''': I'm going to get the Boss Man a pack of cigarettes.
:'''Gorilla''': Are you leaving again?
:'''Bobby''': Yes, I'm going to take him some cigarettes.
:'''Gorilla''': What do you mean take him some cigarettes? He doesn't even smoke!
:'''Bobby''': No but he's going to need them to bribe the screws.
:'''Gorilla''': Will you stop?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Bobby''': Come on Boss Man, get up! It's six o clock in the morning. Here's your cup of coffee and your one cigarette.
:'''Roddy''': Oh you know what time they get up in the pokey do you?
:'''Bobby''': I watched Police Story in Colombo.
:'''Gorilla''': I think he's speaking from personal experience.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[the cops lead the Mountie to take pictures.]''
:'''The Mountie''': You guys think you're tough guys? Give me my shock stick! Aaah! No, no! You're not taking my pictures! Nooooo! You're not taking my pictures! (Hides his face with his arms.)
:'''Photographer''': So I heard the Boss Man kicked your butt, huh?
:'''The Mountie''': ''[looks up]'' What the?! ''[Photographer snaps the picture]'' No!! You're not taking my pictures!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[the cops lead the Mountie to the fingerprinting area.]''
:'''The Mountie''': No! You can't do this to me! You can't-- Aaaah! No! You're not taking my fingerprints! I'm not giving it to you!
:'''Cop''': Come on, give me your finger!
:'''The Mountie''': You want the finger?! ''[flips off the cop]'' Here's the finger! ''[They start fingerprinting the Mountie.]'' Yeow! Ouch! Yeow! Don't do that! I'm the Mountie! You can't fingerprint me!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Sean Mooney''': It looks as though the Mountie is a bit outnumbered and Sgt. Slaughter, I'm sure you can attest to that going 3 against 2 into the Match Made in Hell.
:'''Sgt. Slaughter''': What do you mean outnumbered, pukeface? You piece of human scum! Outnumbered?! We're not the ones that are going to be outnumbered. It's the Ultimare Warrior and Hulk Hogan that are going to be outnumbered. Why they're going to be outnumbered before the match even starts. Take a look at the Ultimate Puke. He still looks a little snakebit to me. Ha ha ha ha. And the Immortal Slime Hulk Hogan got a gash in his head. Lost about six gallons of blood. Ha ha ha ha. In fact, it's going to be a lot easier than we thought. In fact, we just may have one more surprise tonight in the match made in hell!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Roddy''': I hope Slaughter keeps getting back up so that Hogan can keep knocking him down.
:'''Bobby''': You must really hate the man.
:'''Roddy''': I do!
:'''Gorilla''': I suppose you like a traitor. Aren't you an American?
:'''Bobby''': Yes.
:'''Gorilla''': Well this guy turned his back on his country! Would you do that? Maybe you would.
:'''Bobby''': My favorite show is The Price Is Right.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The Mountie continues to rant inside his cell]''
:'''The Mountie''': Let me out, Jimmy Hart, I WANT TO HAVE A PHONE CALL!! ''[an inmate comes to him]''
:'''Inmate 1''': You want to fight me?
:'''The Mountie''': Get out of here!
:'''Inmate 1''': There's your buddy! ''[points to a mustachioed man in biker outfit approaching The Mountie]''
:'''Inmate 2''': Hi.
:'''The Mountie''': ''[senses that the guy is gay]'' Oh my God!
:'''Inmate 2''': Don't you just love the way leather feels against your body?
:'''The Mountie''': ''[retreats to another part of the cell]'' LET ME OUTTA HERE!! LET ME OUTTA HERE!!

== [[w:SummerSlam (1992)|1992]] ==

:'''Vince McMahon''': What are you doing with that ridiculous-looking crown on?
:'''Bobby &quot;The Brain&quot; Heenan''': Well, you little stupid peasant, I happen to be Sir Bobby, the King of England.
:'''Vince''': [[Henry VIII]] would be rolling over in his grave, Bobby &quot;the Brain&quot; Heenan, if he could see this! Nonetheless, the only thing royal about you is you're a royal pain; and speaking of a pain, in whose corner is Mr. Perfect really going to be in — the Ultimate Warrior's, or is going to be in the corner of the Macho Man?
:'''Bobby''': WOOOOOOOOOO!!!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': I hate to say it, but the Bushwhackers are a lot prettier than some of the women I've seen here.
:'''Vince''': Would you please stop that?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''[[w:Mike Rotunda|Irwin R. Schyster]]''': It's a well-known fact that if you British tax cheats would pay your fair share, you wouldn't put the burden on the royal family!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': I'm not sure Hawk even knows where he's at right now. Whether it be London, England, or Des Moines, Iowa, he hasn't got a clue.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mean Gene Okerlund''': With me at this is the former World Wrestling Federation Champion, the man who was disgruntled the moment they announced the main event for SummerSlam, for it was he who felt ''he'' should be the #1 contender to face the Macho Man Randy Savage. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the &quot;Nature Boy&quot; Ric Flair.
:'''Ric Flair''': Rest assured, little man, it was not I alone disgruntled over the fact that the great Ric Flair was denied his opportunity to regain the World Wrestling Federation Championship right here at SummerSlam. After all, when you're talking about the brights lights and the big cities, you gotta be talking London, England. And when you're talking Summerslam, and when you're talking the World Wrestling Federation, you gotta be talking Ric Flair! Woo!
:'''Mean Gene''': Ric Flair, I couldn't help but notice you're wearing your robe and your wrestling attire. What's going on here?
:'''Ric''': It's because anybody that knows anything about Ric Flair knows that he stays ready for any kind of action.
:'''Mean Gene''': And speaking of action, Ric Flair, one man we know is going to be seeing action tonight is your executive consultant, Mr. Perfect, for it's public knowledge he's gonna be in the corner of either the Macho Man Randy Savage or the Ultimate Warrior. As a matter of fact, I saw you and Mr. Perfect show up outside of Wembley Stadium earlier today in a long limosuine, Ric Flair. You two have been embroiled in this controversy of the main event since the day it was announced. As a matter of fact, this match may end up going down in history as the most controversial match in World Wrestling Federation history.
:Now then, Ric Flair, I'm gonna put you on the spot. In whose corner will Mr. Perfect be tonight? ''[Ric leans in to answer, but laughs]'' Oh, come on, is it gonna be the Macho Man? ''[Another tease]'' Don't do this to me. Is it gonna be the Ultimate Warrior? ''[Another tease]'' Ric Flair, enough is enough. Like the great Winston Churchill once said, &quot;now is the time!&quot; And ''now'' is the time we demand to know the whereabouts of Mr. Perfect for SummerSlam!
:'''Ric''': Why, he's in the dressing room.
:'''Mean Gene''': But ''whose'' dressing room?!
:'''Ric''': The dressing room of the winner! Who else?! WOO!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Shawn Michaels and Rick Martel have attempted a series of rolling cradles all involving pulling the others tights]''
:'''Vince''': There are more moons here in London, England, than there are on any other planet!
:'''Bobby''': I've never seen so many smiles in all my life.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''The Genius''': From the home of the Olympic Games of 1948
:And the World Cup of 1966. I know the date
:Now at SummerSlam at Wembley, and the Genius holds the key
:Behold the future champions, the Brothers Beverly
:'''Vince''': He's no William Shakespeare, that's for sure.
:'''Bobby''': He's a genius!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Vince''': All Typhoon has to do is sit up and tag his partner.
:'''Bobby''': You're asking a lot for Typhoon to do a situp.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': ''[on the foam fingers in the audience]'' I remember when I used to walk to the ring, McMahon, and people used to hold up one finger.
:'''Vince''': That was a different kind of salute.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mean Gene''': Alright, this is the SummerSlam you thought you'd never see. And there was an incident out there tonight that I thought I would n... What the hell were you trying to pull?! There was no deal!
:'''Mr. Perfect''': You just be quiet, little man! There was a deal, all right!
:'''Mean Gene''': There was not a deal!
:'''Mr. Perfect''': It was a done deal between Ric Flair and Mr. Perfect. A lot of people might think that other deal didn't go down. Not a chance. That was Plan A, and now, Plan B, little man divot-head, is in full charge. Plan B, champ, tell him the way it is.
:'''Mean Gene''': Oh, come on, this has got to be...
:'''Ric''': I should've had the shot to begin with! Not the Ultimate Warrior! But now, you ask the Warrior what he wants in life! Well, it's gonna be me, and baby, I'm waiting on you! Plan A, maybe that slipped by. But now, we're looking at Plan B! And baby, the way I see it, the two most perfect men alive today are this gentleman and myself!
:'''Mean Gene''': You two men, this is an absolute sham in the World Wrestling Federation!
:'''Mr. Perfect''': Is my bowtie straight, champ?
:'''Ric''': You are a killer, brother. You are a killer! In closing, let me tell the whole world and especially one man something. Savage, that belt is coming back to me!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Sean Mooney''': Davey Boy Smith, you have got to be feeling enormous pressure going into this contest for the Intercontinental Championship. You’ll be stepping into the ring with your brother-in-law. Obviously, this match has torn both sides of the family apart. First of all, your thoughts on the family pressures you are facing now.
:'''British Bulldog''': Well, I’m facing a lot of pressures in the family, Sean. But I didn’t make this match, Jack Tunney made this match. But the British Bulldog has fought hard for two long years to be the #1 contender for the Intercontinental belt. Yes, Bret, you are the Intercontinental Champion. Yes, Bret, you are my brother-in-law. But when I step in the ring with you, Bret, I never met you. I don’t even know you. But at the end of the match, I just hope the families reunite.
:'''Sean''': British Bulldog, that brings me to my second point, one that may even bring even more pressure on you—the fact that you will be stepping out into that stadium in front of 80,000 of your fellow countrymen.
:'''Bulldog''': Sean, that isn’t a pressure. That’s a dream for the British Bulldog. And my second dream is, at the end of the match, the British Bulldog will be the next World Wrestling Federation Intercontinental Champion.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mean Gene''': Well, I’ve got to agree with my broadcast colleague, Sean Mooney. Indeed, there is a great deal of pressure for this Intercontinental title bout. However, the pressure for the champion—you, Bret &quot;The Hitman” Hart—much different than the pressure on the challenger, the British Bulldog. For him to win this coveted title, he must either make you submit or get the pinfall 1-2-3 in the center of the ring. And then, of course, there’s the question of the family pressure.
:'''Bret &quot;Hitman&quot; Hart''': Well, let me tell you something, Gene. As far as family pressure goes, I’ve proven that I work real well under pressure. But you know something that really bugs me, that really irks me, is the British Bulldog actually has the gall to come out here and say that when he steps in the ring with me, that he’s never met me, that he doesn’t know me. Well, let me tell you something, British Bulldog. Take a good look at my face and look me in the eye and tell me you don’t know me. Do you remember that far back, British Bulldog, when I was the one that introduced you to my sister Diana in the first place. And as far as your career in the World Wrestling Federation, I’m the one that helped you the most. You wouldn’t be where you are in the World Wrestling Federation if it wasn’t for me. Talk about gratitude.
:You know, the British Bulldog forgets he’s the one that wanted to challenge me, he’s the one responsible for all the family tension, he’s the one that wanted a shot at the gold. Well, you know something, the British Bulldog...he wanted the big fight? He’s got the big fight. And as far as his big dream...you know what I think of his big dream? This big dream of his of winning the World Wrestling Federation Intercontinental Title in front of 80,000 of his compatriots? Well, you know, I think this big dream of his is gonna turn into a nightmare. And then tomorrow morning when he wakes up, he’s gonna think he woke up in the dungeon of Windsor Castle.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[During the Intercontinental Title match]''
:'''Vince''': Unbelievable intestinal fortitude on the part of both participants. ''[Hart rolls over Bulldog, attempting a...]'' Sunset flip...''[Bulldog kneels over Bret's shoulders, catches both legs, and leans forward as Joey Marella counts]'' Wait a minute...two...that's it!
:'''Bobby''': He beat him! He beat him! Wembley Arena is going nuts! I mean Wembley Stadium! I don't know where I am!
:'''Howard Finkel''': Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this bout...and NEW Intercontinental Champion: The British Bulldog!

== [[w:SummerSlam (1993)|1993]] ==

:'''Bobby &quot;The Brain&quot; Heenan''': Isn't it ironic that the colors of Michigan are yellow?
:'''Vince McMahon''': And blue.
:'''Bobby''': But mostly yellow.
:'''Vince''': They're not yellow, they're gold, Bobby Heenan.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Joe Fowler''': How lucky am I? My very first assignment is SummerSlam. This is bigger than life! Thank you, Vince McMahon, for bringing me on board. We've just seen a title match, we're about to see another one. Shawn Michaels has the Intercontinental belt, he's gonna take on Mr. Perfect. Shawn is here along with his bodyguard Diesel. Shawn, you've won it, you've lost it, you've won it, can you hang onto this thing?
:'''&quot;The Heartbreak Kid&quot; Shawn Michaels''': Now all the questions are gonna be answered—''who'' is the greatest Intercontinental Champion of all time? Is it Mr. Perfect or is it Shawn Michaels? All those answers are gonna come across tonight, and I will prove to everybody—you and all of the world—that Shawn Michaels is the greatest Intercontinental Champ.
:'''Joe''': Now wait a minute, they say that Mr. Perfect caused you to lose it and Diesel won it back for you.
:'''Shawn''': I got news for you. Who's the one that's wearing it? It's Shawn Michaels, so I must've won it. Isn't that right, Diesel?
:'''Diesel''': That's right. The Heartbreak Kid can take care of the work in the ring. Hey, everybody knows the chicks dig this guy—I'm here just to keep 'em off the champ. Let's get outta here, Champ.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Irwin R. Schyster''': Detroit used to be known as the Motor city. Now it's known as the tax cheat city!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Bobby''': ''(On 1-2-3 Kid's first PPV appearance)'' This is a first! This is a first! This is the first time that Kid's been out past eight o'clock!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': ''(To Vince McMahon)'' Wrong, wrong, wrong, tuxedo breath!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
''(1-2-3 Kid hits a single kick as his first move in the match and goes for the pin)''
:'''Vince''': Cover him! It's over! He got him! ''(IRS kicks out)'' No he didn't.
:'''Bobby''': Whaddya mean it's over?!? It's not over!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Vince''': Well, call it what you will, call it luck, call it ability, call it the fact that the 1-2-3 Kid will take high-risks like no one else ever in the WWF, whatever it is, you can call him victorious.
:'''Bobby''': You could call him stupid.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': Ouch! Hit him right on the bicusbid.
:'''Vince''': The what?
:'''Bobby''': The bicusbid. 
:'''Vince''': What do you know about bicusbids?
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Vince''': You're asking and answering your own questions, you really are the Brain, aren't you?
:'''Bobby''': Well, I have to, when I'm with...
:'''Vince''': Yeah right, when you're with what? 
:'''Bobby''': Uh, nothing.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': He hit him so hard he knocked three zits off his cheek!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': Cheating is only cheating when you get caught, and bragging isn't bragging when you can do it.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': Well, I think he shines more, uh, his ability to think for himself without relying on a partner, could be an advantage of, uh, of Mr. IRS, but I would have to say just by watching him and the way I've been watching him and the way you, in the ring right now, I'd have to say that... yeah, the Kid's in trouble.
:'''Vince''': Could you care to repeat that please?
:'''Bobby''': Well... no.
:'''Vince''': I see.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Vince''': ''(On Irwin R. Schyster)'' He doesn't like to be called Irwin, he doesn't like to be called Schyster, what does he like to be called?
:'''Bobby''': R.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': That's Bruce Hart right? Did he ever play a banjo in the movie Deliverance?
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Vince''': (Jerry Lawler has Bret Hart up against the ringpost) We saw Doink earlier ram Bret's leg into the ringpost, now what's Lawler going to do? (Lawler crotches Bret against the post) Oh no!
:'''Bobby''': (High voice) Oh it's going to happen to Bret &quot;The Hitman&quot; Hart.
:'''Vince''': Stop it Bobby Heenan!
&lt;hr width+50%/&gt;
:'''Ludvig Borga''': (giving a video promo after the Bret Hart/Jerry Lawler match): I'm gonna show you all why Lex Lugar is gonna try to win the World Wrestling Federation championship right here in the middle of the American Dream. Well keep on dreaming Lex Lugar, because if this is what you stand up for, if this is what you're proud of, these crumbling buildings, this filth, this pollution, and I bet the Lex Express never stopped here on it's way to SummerSlam. So Lex Lugar, look at this..this building is crumbling like America is crumbling because you American high school dropouts are signing this country away welfare check by welfare check. And you people call this the land of opportunities?! Well, I'm gonna take my opportunity to show all you so-called American wrestlers &amp; Marty Janetty tonight at SummerSlam what Ludvig Borga is all about. 
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Vince''': Harvey Wippleman was instrumental in stealing that urn from the Undertaker.
:'''Bobby''': No no no, he &quot;urned&quot; it!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Vince''': ''(Referring to The Undertaker)'' The man in black!
:'''Bobby''': Yeah, I bet Johnny Cash has a picture of him on his wall.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': ''(On Harvey Wippleman)'' Tell him, Harvey! You tell him Harvey!
:'''Vince''': Tell him what?
:'''Bobby''': Get on his case! Harvey'll knock you out in a minute, you know.
:'''Vince''': Yeah, sure...
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': But that urn owned by Harvey Wippleman!
:'''Vince''': It's owned by The Undertaker, it's in the possession of Harvey Wippleman.
:'''Bobby''': Same thing!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': ''(On Undertaker vs. Giant Gonzalez)'' Take out the silver bullets, the wooden stake, and the garlic! Take him home, Giant!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': Harvey'll knock you out in a minute! ''(Harvey Wippleman charges and is instantly knocked out by Paul Bearer)'' He slipped, he lost his footing.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': ''(On Undertaker)'' He's back to the tomb! He's back to the crypt! He's back to his box of dirt! He's looking at the urn! He's got his power back! He's got Paul Bearer back! There's gonna be trouble for everyone in the World Wrestling Federation!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': ''(After Yokozuna is knocked out by Lex Luger's forearm and loses to Luger by countout)'' I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! HE IS OUT! HE IS STILL OUT! THE CHAMPION IS OUT! WILL SOMEONE PLEASE HELP HIM? PLEASE HELP HIM! HE IS OUT! HE IS STILL OUT! MY GOD!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Joe''': ''[interviewing Lex Luger in his dressing room where he is joined by Rick and Scott Steiner, Tatanka, and Macho Man Randy Savage after defeating Yokozuna by countout]'' Lex Lugar, the public loves you and obviously your friends of the WWF love you too.
:'''Lex Luger''': It's a great feeling in the locker room, it's a great feeling out there in the ring, a great victory today. And you know, it's an honor and a privilege to wrestle for the World Wrestling Federation title and an honor and privilege to represent my country out there. The atmosphere was.. 
''(Ludvig Borga who earlier defeated Marty Janetty enters Lex's dressing room)''
:'''Borga''': Lex Luger, I'm here in your locker room to tell you that I am NOT impressed with you. And I am not impressed with your friends either and I certainly am not impressed about the country that you stand up for. Now let me tell you something, if you ever step into the ring with Ludvig Borga, I will crush you like America is crumbling piece by piece and I see you as the backbone of America and if you ever step in the ring with me, I will break it.

== [[w:SummerSlam (1994)|1994]] ==

:'''Vince McMahon''': ''[on Alundra Blayze]'' What a competitor. What an athlete.
:'''[[w:Jerry Lawler|Jerry &quot;The King&quot; Lawler]]''': What a face. I've heard of faces that could stop a clock; this face could stop Switzerland.
:'''Vince''': Now wait a minute, if you'll turn this...a battle between a beauty and the beast, considering Bull Nakano's look.
:'''Jerry''': I agree, she's beautiful.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jerry''': ''[regarding the Hart family]'' McMahon, why don't you ask them the hard questions? Why don't you get them to tell the truth? ''[Pointing to Stu and Helen Hart]'' You drove them to this, both of you. You know you did. You brought Owen to this. You kept him down his whole life! You, the entire family! You all did it! The only man...
:'''Vince''': The brothers back there, wait a minute...you'd better watch your mouth!
:'''Jerry''': The entire family has drove Owen to this! I wanna say a word to this man over here though. Here's the only man I want to welcome to the United Center because this is the man who, two years ago at SummerSlam, went head-to-head, face-to-face against Bret Hart. Are you having...are you having any flashbacks? Wouldn't you love to be in there against him tonight?
:'''British Bulldog''': Uh, not really because I know what kind of condition Bret's in, and he's in the best condition of his life right now. The family feud started in 1992 at SummerSlam, but in 1994 tonight at the United Center, the family feud is hopefully going to end in this 15-foot-high steel cage.
:'''Jerry''': It's gonna end, all right. And I don't think any of you are gonna like the way it's ending.
:'''Vince''': Why don't you ask some of the brothers back here. Ask Bruce, he's right there behind Davey...''[noticing behind Bruce]'' oh wait a minute. Wait just a minute. Jim &quot;The Anvil&quot; Neidhart. Jim &quot;The Anvil&quot; Neidhart, your thoughts on this steel cage. And you, you sitting here among all the other family members. How do they feel about you sitting here among them?
:'''Jim &quot;The Anvil&quot; Neidhart''': Well, you know...you know, it's all in the family. But I...I think everyone's gonna really see who the really...who the best Hart is of all, who's the best. And everyone's gonna see that Owen Hart is gonna be the next World Heavyweight Champion.
:'''Jerry''': He's the King of Harts already!
:'''Jim''': He's the King of Harts, and he's the best Hart of all! He's the best wrestler! And you know something? I think that Stu Hart did drive Owen to this greatness!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bret &quot;Hitman&quot; Hart''': I'm going in this match with one thing in mind. First of all, this World Wrestling Federation Championship belt isn't going anywhere. It's going right back over my shoulder back in the dressing room because I'm gonna prove that I ''am'' better than Owen, I was always better than Owen. And you know, Owen, I want you to understand something. I don't hate you. I don't hate your guts, I never, ever did. I never got into this thing thinking or believing that I hated your guts, 'cause I don't. The problem with you is you, it's in your head and it's in your heart. Jealousy is a horrible thing, it's a ugly thing [''sic''] that's a...
:You know, Neidhart, that might be a different story. Maybe I might just go that far and say I hate ''his'' guts, 'cause I believe right inside my heart that it was Jim Neidhart, right from the start, that started ''all'' this stuff. He's the one that planted the seeds of jealousy in Owen in the first place. Owen, I don't hate you, I just feel kinda sorry for you. And in this match, brother against brother, Cain and Abel, whatever you want to call it, it...it breaks ''my'' heart to think that it's come this far, that two brothers are gonna be in the most...this is barbaric. This has nothing to do with what we grew up with, believing in wrestling, exchanging holds and all this. This has gone way beyond that; this is out of the Dungeon now. This is a dogfight, this is something...this is liked caged animals, and it's something I'm not very proud of. But the fact is, it has to stop.
:You know, you people don't understand. I've got my mother coming up to me with tears in her eyes and begging me to see this thing end, my father wants to see it end, everybody wants to see it end. And I've tried to end it, I've tried to find someplace to stop it, and there's no place you can end it. But now, I see this is it, it's gonna be a ugly fight [''sic''], it's gonna be a dogfight, and there's gonna be one winner and one loser. And I'm not gonna lose this thing, Owen. I'm going in there with every single thing I got, and I'm gonna beat you, brother. And I just hope, after it's all said and done, that you can live with it.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Vince''': Bret Hart trying to finish this thing once and for all with his baby brother Owen.
:'''Jerry''': See, listen to you calling him a baby.
:'''Vince''': ''Youngest'' brother, he was the baby of the family.
:...
:'''Jerry''': Why do you feel like you have to refer to the WWF Champion as a baby?
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Owen Hart''': My whole family?! What the hell was all that! They're not my flesh and blood! They turned their backs on me! The only one they ever cared about was Bret! I ought to be the winner! I don't know what the hell the British Bulldog is doing! He's not ''my'' brother! He's not ''my'' family, jumping in there and interfering! Bulldog, you stay out of it! Bret, I had you beat.

== [[w:SummerSlam (1995)|1995]] ==

:'''[[w:Michael Hayes (wrestler)|Dok Hendrix]]''': I'm standing here with what is fixin' to be the future WWF Champion. And now, come on, King Mabel. You gave me the first scoop, you've been involving me plan after plan. Come on, tell me, tell me, what's the final plan? Gotta know, gotta know, come on, come on.
:'''King Mabel''': Dok, you, just like everybody else around the world, are just gonna have to wait until it unfolds. Big Daddy Cool, what's the old saying? Fool me once, shame on me; fool me twice; shame on you; but three times? What's your story, Big Daddy Fool? You think the thing with the British Bulldog was the big one?
:'''Dok''': Yeah!
:'''Mabel''': Uh-uh. It's tonight, and you will see. Long live the king.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jerry &quot;The King&quot; Lawler''': Can you imagine poor Hunter Hearst-Helmsley is gonna have to be soiled by this grease monkey with those filthy, greasy fingernails of his, Bob &quot;Spark Plug&quot; Holly. Look at the look on Hunter's face. Oh, this has gotta be...oh, I can't even imagine it myself.
:'''Vince McMahon''': This is degrading for Hunter Hearst-Helmsley?
:'''Jerry''': Without a doubt. 
:'''Vince''': Please.
:'''Jerry''': I mean, that's just two complete opposite worlds. You're looking at the kind of guy over there, in Bob &quot;Spark Plug&quot; Holly, that would spend his honeymoon at a monster truck rally or something, and then you've got a man over here who...his idea of a fast food restaurant would be someplace that could serve Kentucky-fried quail or pheasant under glass.
:'''Vince''': &quot;Kentucky-fried quail.&quot;
:'''Jerry''': Yeah.
:'''Vince''': I see.
:'''Jerry''': Or squab. You ever heard of that?
:'''Vince''': Squab?
:'''Jerry''': Yeah. That's the kind of things Hunter Hearst-Helmsley would eat.
:'''Vince''': Sounds like a detergent. Squab?
:'''Jerry''': You sure you're not from Alabama, like Bob there?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Sunny''': We're back! I'm sure everybody will agree that we were cheated once. And then guess what. We were cheated twice. But tonight, I promise you that third time's the charm for the Body Donnas. And Mr. Barry Horriblewitz will regret ever stepping up to the Body Donnas, and that's a promise. We plan on showing everyone, we plan on teaching Barry Horriblewitz, that good-for-nothing, out-of-shape, natural born loser, a lesson that he and all of you will never soon forget.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Earl Hebner''': ''[to Sunny after she threw in the towel]'' Hey, this is not boxing! This is wrestling! YOU GET OUT!!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jerry''': ''[on Barry Horowitz]'' I knew something was up when I looked at his name, and beside his name in the program, it said, &quot;yeah, right.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jerry''': You've heard of ''Buns of Steel''? I think Bertha Faye's got buns of cinnamon.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jerry''': ''[on [[w:Kane (wrestler)|Isaac Yankem, DDS]]]'' This man has been a great wrestler in the past under an assumed name.
:'''Vince''': What was his assumed name?
:'''Jerry''': I'm not gonna tell you that. He doesn't want them to know. He only wants everybody to know him by his name, and it's ''Yan''kem, not ''Yank''em.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Dok''': Come on, Shawn.
:'''Vince''': You're rooting for Shawn to win?
:'''Dok''': No, I don't care.
:...
:'''Dok''': Come on, Razor.
:'''Vince''': You just said, &quot;come on, Shawn,&quot; earlier.
:'''Dok''': I know. See? I'm very objective.

== [[w:SummerSlam (1996)|1996]] ==

:'''Vince McMahon''': Owen Hart, to a certain extent, following in the footsteps of his older brother, Bret &quot;The Hitman&quot; Hart.
:'''Mr. Perfect''': Do you have to mention his name at SummerSlam around me, McMahon?
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mankind''': There's no place like home, Todd, there's no place like home. For knowledge and discipline, there is no place like home. But as much as I love... ''[licks the side of a boiler]'' ...every square inch within these hallowed halls, it's time to leave, because destiny awaits on the other side. 
:'''Jim Ross''': Was he licking that thing?
:'''Mankind''': But as for you, Dead Man, take this simple warning: do not come in here, because outside the walls awaits you a fate worse than death, and a possible course of events that could alter the future of all mankind! Have a nice day!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mr. Perfect''': Look at Sunny. She looks great, doesn't she?
:'''Jim''': Oh, yeah, just ask her how good she looks, she'll tell ya.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Vince''': ''[on Phineas Godwinn and Zip]'' Here we go, criss-cross action. Where's she gonna stop? ''[Zip stops...]'' Right about there, maybe...''[Phineas and Zip rush to the Smoking Gunns' corner and tag both of them]'' Well, how about that?! 
:'''Jim''': There you go!
:''[They strut back, hug briefly, and go to their respective corners]''
:'''Vince''': Tagged both Gunns in! Look at that!
:'''Mr. Perfect''': Now wait a minute, they're not gonna wrestle each other.
:'''Jim''': They have to, they have no choice.
:'''Mr. Perfect''': No, they got...they gotta have something.
:'''Jim''': They gotta make contact, that's the rules, Perfect.
:'''Vince''': That's right, Billy now must wrestle Bart.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Sunny''': I want everybody to take a real good look right now at the winners and ''still'' World Wrestling Federation Tag Team Champions, and that's the way they're gonna stay! Now before we go and have our victory party, I want all you women to look at the Smoking Gunns, at what real men are supposed to look like. And boys, take a good look at the woman next to you—the fat, the cellulite, how out of shape they are right now. And as I look around here, this place is looking really sorry, so my generous gift to you—to make this building look a whole lot better. Hit it, boys!
:''[A giant pinup of Sunny unravels above the ring]''
:'''Vince''': Unbelievable!
:'''Sunny''':  Don't I look incredible?! Mwah!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jim''': I don't think the fans here miss Cornette. He's about as popular here as Art Modell.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jim Cornette''': I don't care if there's 50,000 stinking people out there, it's gonna make no difference! Shawn Michaels, we've proved a lot of things. We proved that Vader can pin you for a three-count, 'cause he did it last month. We proved that he can beat you up, 'cause he did it on ''Raw''. And now tonight at SummerSlam, we're gonna prove that Vader's gonna beat you when it counts, and that's for the World Wrestling Federation Title. I promised last month that Camp Cornette would win, I promise it tonight that Vader is gonna beat Shawn Michaels. Shawn, when he grabs you around the neck and you try to talk, dude, your voice is gonna sound like Peter Frampton's electronic kazoo in the instrumental break of &quot;Do You Feel Like We Do&quot;, and it's gonna be a bad ride from there! Because one way or another, we're gonna come out on top tonight. Vader's beaten Shawn Michaels once and for all!

== [[w:SummerSlam (1997)|1997]] ==
:''[official promo, with the narrator referring to specific people as they appear]''
:'''Voiceover''': In a perfect world, there would be no villains, no conspicuous manifestations of hate. Athletic excellence would be applauded, sportsmanship would be the rule, our heroes would remain heroes forever.&lt;/br&gt; If life were fair, then this legend ''[Bret Hart]'' would be lauded in his pursuit of a historic fifth World Wrestling Federation championship - instead, he's a fallen idol, America's Public Enemy No 1. The respect abandoned, bludgeoned, and spat upon by a society he feels condones defiance, and perpetuates hate. If life were fair, then this mighty champion ''[Undertaker]'', this survivor of deception and conqueror of earthly hells would surely revel in the championship spotlight. The bright lights wouldn't singe his aura, illuminating a dark, horrifying secret from his distant past. And if life were fair, then this man ''[Shawn Michaels]'' might still be champion. Dancing, flying, showcasing his extraordinary talents to legions of fans. He wouldn't be an athlete betrayed by an unwilling knee, a man surrendering a boyhood dream for a lost smile of youth. &lt;/br&gt; Is it fair that tonight, even in victory, this champion ''[Undertaker]'' would be haunted by personal demons whose voices cry out from the dark? Is it fair that tonight, this man ''[Bret]'' may rewrite history yet still incur the wrath of a hostile and unappreciative nation? And is it fair that tonight's special referee ''[Shawn]'' is a despised enemy of the challenger? Will vengeance flow ruinous from his biased heart, ensuring that tonight will be the last night Bret Hart ever wrestles in this country again?&lt;/br&gt; Life isn't fair... but who ever said it would be?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Vince McMahon''': Mankind, better known...well, not ''better'' known as, but certainly known as Mick Foley, grew up not all that far, grew up here in the tri-state area out on Long Island.
:'''Jerry &quot;The King&quot; Lawler''': Well, that explains what's wrong with him.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Ken Shamrock''': GET OUTTA MY WAY!!!
:...
:'''Vince''': Ken Shamrock. Although one cannot applaud the actions of Ken Shamrock, you certainly can't applaud what set this volcano off.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jim Ross''': Miguel Perez, whose father wrestled in the '50s and '60s, a great tag team competitor in the WWF. Partners with the late Antonino Rocca.
:'''Vince''': And following in his dad's footsteps, a tremendous competitor.
:'''Jim''': King, did you ever wrestle Antonino Rocca in the early '60s?
:'''Vince''': Stop this.
:'''Jerry''': Who?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jerry''': Four guys with bad attitudes. You know, the show ''America's Most Wanted'' was based on DOA.
:'''Jim''': I don't think John Walsh has ever spoke with the DOA, at least on a first-person basis.
:...
:'''Jerry''': You trying to tell me Crush has never been in trouble with the law? Huh? Shoot, his family portrait is a courtroom sketch.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Michael Cole''': Mr. Austin. Mr. Austin. Stone Cold. I need a quick word with you before the match.
:'''Stone Cold Steve Austin''': Yeah I got a quick word for you. Get out of here!
:'''Michael''': Mr. Austin, are you prepared? Are you prepared to put your reputation on the line tonight? You would have to kiss Owen's backside if you lose in front of all these people 20,000 people. A million people out there on pay per view. Mr. Austin, are you ready?
:'''Austin''': You're fixing to kiss my ass if you don't get your little ass out of my face. You got that? You and your stupid little bow tie. You don't impress me none, you little piece of trash!
:'''Vince''': Uh, Michael perhaps a little overzealous there. He doesn't know Stone Cold all that well.
:'''Jerry''': A man of few words, but one of them is a-double-s.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Vince''': What's gonna happen in the next match-up? Shawn Michaels cares about his own career, and obviously also cares, in a negative way, as it relates to the Hitman, Bret Hart. What sort of emotion is Shawn Michaels feeling as the guest referee?
:'''Jerry''': Are you kidding me? Shawn Michaels's ego is so big that it's got its own ZIP code, McMahon. All he cares about is what his hair looks like out here tonight. And you know what? Speaking of the Undertaker, Shawn Michaels...I mean, he's so full of himself, when he goes to a funeral, he's upset because he's not the corpse. He wants to be the center of attention, and tonight, some kind of way, he will manage to be the center of attention in this match.
:'''Vince''': And the Hitman Bret Hart said he didn't mean it literally, he meant it figuratively when he stated he would never wrestle again in the United States if he didn't win the WWF Championship. I'm sure he is regretting that comment.
:'''Jim''': Well, it's officially in the contract, so it is a done deal. If Bret Hart doesn't leave this arena, ladies and gentlemen, tonight here at SummerSlam with the WWF Championship, Bret...this will be Bret Hart's last match ever in the United States.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Bret &quot;Hitman&quot; Hart''': I'd like everybody to stand back and listen to the Canadian national anthem, and I just want to dedicate this match to all my fellow Canadians, to all my fans all over the world that feel the same way as I do about America and Americans. This is for you.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jim''': Now all the other WWF referees are gonna want pyro.
:'''Vince''': Music, pyro, yeah.
:'''Jerry''': Earl Hebner would look good in front of a Roman candle.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Shawn confronts Bret with the chair]''
:'''Vince''': Shawn Michaels with that chair that Bret tried to throw out of the ring. ''[Shawn pulls him off of the Undertaker]'' Maybe Michaels has had enough. Michaels was on the outside and did not see...
:''[Bret spits in Shawn's face]''
:'''Jerry''': Uh-oh!
:''[Shawn tries to hit Bret with the chair, but Bret ducks and Shawn hits the Undertaker instead]''
:'''Jim''': Good God! Good God!
:''[Bret covers Undertaker and waves Shawn over to count. Shawn counts to three and leaves.]''
:'''Vince''': I can't believe this.
:''[Undertaker leaves the ring]''
:'''Jim''': This is horrible.
:'''Vince''': And the Undertaker is going after Shawn Michaels.
:'''Howard Finkel''': The winner of this bout and NEW World Wrestling Federation Champion: Bret &quot;Hitman&quot; Hart!
:'''Vince''': The impossible has happened at this year's SummerSlam; and the Undertaker, with one last glance back at Bret Hart, as Bret Hart kisses the gold. And Bret Hart, somehow, is once again WWF Champion.
:'''Jim''': Bret Hart now immersing himself in the Maple Leaf. There's gotta be jubilation in Canada, perhaps jubilation in the United Kingdom and Germany, but there is no joy in East Rutherford, New Jersey, tonight.
:'''Vince''': We would like to take you back and show you how this happened.
:'''Jim''': This is shocking.
:'''Vince''': ''[off replay]'' Alright, here Shawn picked up the chair.
:'''Jerry''': He busted the Undertaker's brains out, but right now he's realizing if he don't count, he's gone too.
:'''Jim''': I don't understand that.
:'''Jerry''': What's not to understand?
:'''Vince''': And now Bret Hart being joined by all the other Hart Foundation members. Bret Hart, with the Maple Leaf draped around his neck, the flag of Canada, and the WWF Championship back around his waist for the fifth time, and it happened here in America.

== [[w:SummerSlam (1998)|1998]] ==

:'''Val Venis''': Hello ladies!
:'''Jerry &quot;The King&quot; Lawler''': Are there any ''ladies'' in New York City?
:'''Jim Ross''': Of course there are.
:'''Jerry''': Of the night.
:'''Venis''': So the Big Valbowski has arrived to the Big Apple. Well, you know something? I came, I saw...and I came again.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jerry''': Is D'Lo ''from'' Europe?
:'''Jim''': No, he's not, he's from Jersey.
:'''Jerry''': Jersey?
:'''Jim''': Right hand by D'Lo Brown.
:'''Jerry''': I think it's Lisbon or Munich.
:'''Jim''': Or Hoboken.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jerry''': The Rock's swinging that ladder just like Mark McGwire's swinging a baseball bat.
:'''Jim''': Why don't we ever talk about Sammy Sosa? Never mind.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jim''': No WWF Champion has ever entered Madison Square Garden with that kind of ovation! I challenge you, I challenge you to research that, King! I literally felt this building shake!
:'''Jerry''': Okay, I'll give you that. Every single soul is on their feet with anticipation! They love Stone Cold Steve Austin. But a lot of them love the Undertaker too. This is truly gonna be the collision on the highway to Hell.

== [[w:SummerSlam (1999)|1999]] ==

:'''Jim Ross''': The Rock just put Billy Gunn's face in that large woman's ass!

== [[w:SummerSlam (2002)|2002]] ==
:'''Jim Ross''': ''(After Triple H strikes Shawn Michaels twice with his sledgehammer after their match)'' I refuse to believe what I see, I refuse to believe that after the most courageous victory that many of us had ever seen, that son of a bitch used that hammer on Shawn, he's hit him twice with that sledgehammer! ''(Triple H performs a crotch chop to the incapacitated Michaels before leaving)'' My god almighty, Triple H is gonna rot.
:'''Jerry &quot;The King&quot; Lawler''': Hurry, hurry, get the....
:'''Jim''': He's gonna rot in hell for what he did here tonight. ''(EMT's attend to Michaels as Triple H smirks)'' This just makes me sick.
:'''Jerry''': Are you proud of yourself now?! Look at him! Look at that stinkin' smile on his face!
:'''Jim''': How in god's name can that human being be from this planet? How can he, does he have no conscience? Does he have no heart?! Do you have no soul?! You son of a bitch! Do you realize what you've just done?!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Michael Cole''': ''(after Brock Lesnar wins the WWE Undisputed Championship)'' &quot;The Next Big Thing&quot; has arrived!

== [[w:SummerSlam (2006)|2006]] ==
:'''Nature Boy Ric Flair''': ''(when the referee declares Mick Foley unable to continue in their I Quit match)'' This isn't a &quot;lay down on your ass&quot; match, it's an I Quit match!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Flair''': ''(shouting at Melina while grinding a barbed wired baseball bat into Mick Foley's eye)'' I'll kill you too, you stupid bitch!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Flair''': ''(after Melina throws in the towel to save Mick Foley from any more punishment from Flair)'' She... ''She'' does not quit for him. He quits!

== [[w:SummerSlam (2009)|2009]] ==
:'''Josh Mathews''': Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome my guest at this time, CM Punk. Punk, tonight, you have an opportunity to become the World Heavyweight Champion once again. What are your thoughts going into this Tables, Ladders &amp; Chairs match with Jeff Hardy?
:'''CM Punk''': I would love to talk to you about that right now, Josh, but there's something else I want to bring up, and that's this. ''(Holds up a screenplay entitled &quot;Live For The Moment: The Jeff Hardy Story&quot;)'' I had a friend at a fancy Hollywood agency the other day, and he ran across this little gem. Somebody actually took the time to write a screenplay about the Jeff Hardy story. So I was paging through it, and lo and behold, it culminates, of course, with Jeff conquering his demons and beating me here tonight in a TLC match at SummerSlam. What a great feelgood story, Josh, all except, of course, for the ending, which is not reality-based. It's fake, it's phony, just like everybody who lives in [[w:Los Angeles|this town]]. I'd go as far as to say that ''I'm'' the only real person in this building right now. I wish I could say it's a Los Angeles epidemic, but the fact is it's worldwide. You have people that falsely idolize what they see in movies and on television; you have housewives in Iowa that subscribe to ''U.S. Weekly'', ''US Weekly'', or whatever it's called, so they can model their hair after Kate Gosselin, instead of helping their own children with their homework; you have little kids all over the world, millions of them, who idolize the &quot;hip, cool star&quot;, and it doesn't matter if that hip cool star is some dork vampire in ''Twilight'', or if it's Jeff Hardy. It doesn't matter if that hip cool star has a reprehensible, reckless lifestyle. You know, it doesn't matter if the collective intelligence of this entire country continues to spiral downward, day in and day out. It doesn't matter as long as it's ''cool'', right? You know why they don't make movies about a guy like me? It's cause I don't support your poisoned society. I don't support this...this den of iniquity known as Hollywood. No, instead, I'm dismissed as being preachy, except I'm not preachy—I never have been. I just tell the truth. You know, I'm not a screenwriter either, but tonight I think I'll take a stab at it. Tonight I'm gonna rewrite the ending of &quot;The Jeff Hardy Story&quot;. It's gonna be horrifying. It's gonna be very, very graphic. It might be hard to watch for a lot of people, but it will have a happy ending: ''new'' World Heavyweight Champion—CM Punk. ''[He drops the screenplay and walks away]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Todd Grisham:''' NO! [After Jeff Hardy delivers a Swanton Bomb to CM Punk off a ladder] OH MY GOD I DON'T BELIEVE WHAT I JUST SAW!

== [[w:SummerSlam (2010)|2010]] ==
:'''[[w:Mike Mizanin|The Miz]]''': So I guess the question is: should I join team WWE or not? Hm… it’s a good question. What do you think? Do you all think that I should join team WWE? ''(crowd cheers)'' Well it’s a good thing I could care less about what you people think. Because the opinion in the locker room is that I am the missing link. I’m the missing puzzle piece, I’m the missing link in the chain that will lead team WWE to victory. You all saw it. Last Monday night on ''Raw'' Bret Hart and John Cena both asked me to be on team WWE. But what you didn’t see is what happened earlier today when I arrived at Staples Center. John Cena came up to me and he admitted that he’s been wrong about what he has been saying about the Miz. John Cena got down on his knees and begged me to be a part of team WWE, saying without me they can’t do it. John Cena literally said I’m the only superstar that can see him. Bret “The Hitman” Hart, a Hall of Famer, said I was the real Excellence of Execution, that I am the best there is, was and ever will be. Chris Jericho gave me his band CD Fozzy and I graciously accepted it but then threw it in the trash… My former Tag Team partner John Morrison finally said he is the Marty Jannetty of our former tag team and I am the Shawn Michaels, only better. Edge gave me a year’s supply of Slim Jims, R-Truth wrote me a crappy rap… As you can see everyone has admitted that they needed me on team WWE, except ALL OF YOU. ''(crowd boos)'' The WWE Universe needs to realize I am the fastest rising star, that I am WWE's new hope -no I am WWE's only hope. ''(crowd boos)'' I am the future. You get me people? I AM THE FUTURE, this face, I am the United States Champion, I’m a future WWE Champion. You people need to realize that. But I guess we need to get to the big decision. What’s it gonna be Miz? This decision is bigger than the Pepsi Challenge, it’s bigger than Arnold Schwarzenegger starring in Terminator 5, it is bigger (laughs) than the LeBron James spectacle on ESPN – which will ultimately lead to the Lakers losing the NBA Championship. ''(crowd boos)''  The question is: am I going to join team WWE? The answer is … yes. I will join team WWE and I will lead them to victory. The WWE Universe will not be talking they will not be buzzing about the Nexus… no, they won’t be looking up to their hero John Cena, no, you will be saying, you will be admitting to what I’ve been saying all along: that I am the Miz, and I’m… -no, no, no, no, no. You don’t get to do my catchphrase.  If any of you have anything to say to me, you raise your hand and you wait, you wait to be called upon. Until then I want absolute silence. ''(crowd boos)'' … Because I’m the Miz and I’M AWESOME!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Michael Cole''': ''[as the Miz enters]'' Yes, the man I believe is going to be the key to Team WWE.
:'''John Cena''': Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold it, hold up. Wait a second. Miz, I got news for you: you're way, way, way too late. We realize how important this match is to WWE and we couldn't rely on somebody who was gonna make their decision the day ''of'' SummerSlam. So we all have gone out and found a seventh member of Team WWE. It's not you. As a matter of fact, it's somebody that hates the Nexus just as much as all of us. The seventh member of Team WWE is Daniel Bryan.
:'''Michael''': What?
:'''Jerry''': Daniel Bryan?
:'''Michael''': ''[as Bryan walks down the aisle]'' You've gotta be kidding me! 
:'''Jerry''': It ''is'' Daniel Bryan!
:'''Michael''': This is ridiculous! This is a huge mistake! Daniel Bryan was the Miz's rookie on NXT, and now he's part of Team WWE! And here we go!
:''[Team WWE charges into the ring]''
:'''Matt Striker''': Here we go! The American Dragon has arrived at SummerSlam!

== [[w:SummerSlam (2011)|2011]] ==

:'''The Miz''': Ladies and gentlemen, back by popular demand, the most must-see WWE Champion of ALL TIME, the Miz has returned to SummerSlam! I just wanna take this time to thank each and every one of you for your insistence that I compete tonight and for your unwavering support. So now I want you to sit back and relax and watch as I steal the show like only I can because...
:''[Interrupted by R-Truth's single entry quote as he comes down the aisle]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Now that was pretty rude.
:'''R-Truth''': Yo, Miz! I don't know why you wanna thank these people here in Los Angeles. You know how I hate spiders, Miz? You see, spiders start with the letter S... ''[Audience yells &quot;WHAT?!&quot;]''...just like SummerSlam starts with the letter S. ''[WHAT?!]'' Don't &quot;what&quot; me! ''[What?!]'' And singing at SummerSlam is Cee-Lo Green. ''[WHAT?!]'' You know what else starts with the letter C? ''[WHAT?!]'' Conspiracy. You see what I mean?! ''[WHAT?!]'' Next time y'all &quot;what&quot; me...
:''[Interrupted by Alberto Del Rio's music, who drives in in a [[w:Ferrari California|Ferrari California]]]''
:'''Jerry &quot;The King&quot; Lawler''': This is SummerSlam, I thought we were on ''Sesame Street'' there for a minute.
:'''Booker T''': Wow, just in time.
:'''Michael''': You're on a street paved with gold now.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''John Laurinaitis''': I want you to tell me directly that that kick was accidental, 'cause I will not allow you to impugn my integrity or challenge my authority as Executive Vice President of Talent Relations. So I want a public apology for what happened last Monday night right now.
:'''CM Punk''': ''[mockingly]'' I'm sorry. Please forgive me and humbly accept my apology, Mr. John Laurinaitis, Senior Executive of Talent Relations...
:'''Laurinaitis''': Executive Vice President.
:'''CM Punk''': Executive Vice President of Talent Relations. I'm sorry.
:''[He makes a few faces and Laurinaitis walks away. He turns around to find Stephanie McMahon]''
:'''Stephanie McMahon''': I just came to wish you luck tonight.
:'''CM Punk''': ''[looking over his shoulders]'' You came here to wish ''me'' luck?
:'''Stephanie''': I did.
:'''CM Punk''': I find that hard to believe. Why don't you go run along and talk to your husband, the new COO of WWE; or you know, better yet, why don't you go wish your daddy luck? I mean, I know he doesn't run day-to-day operations around here anymore—thank God!—but I know he's still chairman of the board.
:'''Stephanie''': Well, I actually did speak to both my husband and my father and, believe it or not, they both wish you luck too, as well as John Cena. But what would I know? I'm just Vince McMahon's clueless daughter, right?
:'''CM Punk''': Yeah, more or less, you're pretty clueless, but I didn't say it, you did. I called you idiotic.
:'''Stephanie''': ''[shrugging and extending her hand]'' Good luck.
:'''CM Punk''': I would, but I know where that hand's been.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''R-Truth''': There's no way we shoulda lost that. It's a C-O-N...what do you think about this, Jimmy Hart? What do you think?
:'''Jimmy Hart''': You know, Truth, I've been watching you. You know, you need somebody to take you to the top because...you're good, but you need somebody to take you to the top. Look what I've done—I've managed the Honky Tonk Man, I've had Money Inc., I've had the Hart Foundation. You need somebody to watch your back and, like I said again, take you to the top. You need somebody to watch over you to make sure you don't get got by the conspiracy. You need someone like me. You need me because you got think big. You gotta think big in this business.
:'''R-Truth''': You make a lot of sense, Jimmy. A lot of sense. It's a big world, it's a big business. You ''gotta'' think big. Everything's big. I had it wrong all along. Think big and not little, Jimmy.
:'''Jimmy''': Not little.
:'''R-Truth''': Little Jimmy? You Little Jimmy?
:'''Jimmy''': ''[scared]'' I'm not Little Jimmy.
:'''R-Truth''': You smell like Little Jimmy!
:'''Jimmy''': I don't smell...I'm not Little Jimmy!
:'''R-Truth''': You talkin' 'bout Little Jimmy?!
:'''Jimmy''': No, no, I wasn't. I wasn't.
:'''R-Truth''': Where's Little Jimmy at?!
:'''Jimmy''': ''[running away]'' I don't know where Little Jimmy is!
:'''R-Truth''': Every time I turn around, Little Jimmy! Little Jimmy's conspiracies everywhere! Getting tired of this. ''[Turns to his right]'' What y'all lookin' at?!
:''[He walks away as the camera turns to show Ron Artest and his daughter Diamond]''
:'''Diamond Artest''': ''[to Ron]'' And they say ''you'' need counseling?
:'''Ron Artest''': It's okay.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jerry''': ''[on Daniel Bryan]'' I like the beard on him, I like the new look on Daniel Bryan...
:'''Michael''': You know how long it took him to grow that beard? About two months! Actually, I believe he hasn't even shaved yet. Like, forever.
:'''Jerry''': What is Daniel Bryan gonna have to do to make a believer out of you? Is there anything possible he can do to make you a Daniel Bryan fan? What?
:'''Michael''': Yeah, quit.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Edge''': As most of you probably know, ''[to Christian]'' as you know, ''[to random fans]'' as you know, as you know, heck, as you know, the WWE doctors...the WWE have told me that I'll never physically be cleared to compete here ever again. ''[Audience boos]'' Trust me, I booed too, okay? It was a bitter pill to swallow. But you know what? When I left, I was actually happy. I was happy. Here's the thing. Because I felt that I was part of passing the torch to Christian. I felt like...like maybe I opened the door a crack for you and you kicked it wide open and I was so proud of you. You finally became the World Heavyweight Champion and no one deserved it more than you. Hey, hear me out. Here's the thing. I thought it was unfair that Teddy Long made you defend the Championship five days after a ladder match. We both agreed on that. You didn't think it was fair, I didn't think it was fair. And then you came and you complained about it the next week, and the week after that, and the week after that, and the week after that, the week after that, the week after that, the week after that, so on, and so on, and so on, and so on, and so on. You whined, you moaned, you asked for opportunity after opportunity, rematch after rematch, and you got it. You won back the World Heavyweight Championship—two-time World Heavyweight Champion. But you did it by disqualification? I mean, trust me, I did some horrible things in here, some really heinous things, but I always did it with style. I always did it with some panache. I wasn't boring. I didn't hide behind lawyers, I didn't hide behind suits and clipboards. Somewhere along the line, Christian, you became a disgrace to yourself. You're better than that, you know it. And I love ya. 'Til the day I die, you will be my best friend, that's never gonna change, but you need to hear this from me 'cause you're not gonna listen to it from anybody else—I didn't know my best friend would become a whining, crying, moaning little bitch.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Michael''': Talking to one vet earlier on today when he...well, he compared Triple H as the COO and as the referee of this match-up akin to a police officer making an arrest, and then that same police officer also being the judge in the same case. A little conflict of interest perhaps, that's how many people view this.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Michael''': ''[as CM Punk celebrates his win, becoming undisputed WWE Champion]'' What a SummerSlam, ladies and gentlemen, here tonight in Los Angeles. What a SummerSlam. ''[Punk turns around to find Kevin Nash, who clotheslines him] Wait a minute, oh my God! Who the hell?! Who the hell is that?!
:'''Booker T''': What the hell?
:'''Michael''': Kevin Nash! That's Kevin Nash!
:''[Triple H walks back to the ring shocked]''
:'''Booker T''': You got to be kidding! That's my big homey!
:'''Michael''': What is he doing here?! ''[Nash powerbombs Punk]'' Oh my God, the Jackknife Powerbomb! ''[Nash leaves through the audience as Triple H looks on in bewilderment. Meanwhile, Del Rio walks down with a referee and the briefcase]'' Oh my lo...OH MY GOD, Alberto Del Rio, Mr. Money in the Bank...
:'''Booker T''': Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh, my goodness.
:'''Michael''': ...with a referee in tow!
:'''Booker T''': Timing is everything!
:''[Del Rio hands the briefcase to the referee, who orders the impromptu match to begin]''
:'''Michael''': Del Rio! Del Rio with the Money in the Bank contract! He's cashing it in!
:'''Jerry''': ''[the bell rings]'' Alberto Del Rio cashing in his Money in the Bank contract!
:'''Michael''': CM Punk...
:'''Booker T''': I don't believe this.
:'''Michael''': ...taken out by Nash! ''[Del Rio kicks Punk in the head]'' Del Rio, kick to the back of the head! The cover! ''[The ref counts to three]'' Oh, my lord! Del Rio's Champion! Del Rio's Champion!
:'''Justin Roberts''': The winner of this match and NEW WWE Champion: Alberto Del Rio!
:'''Jerry''': ''[as Del Rio celebrates, being handed the title]'' This is absolutely unbelievable! What a turn of events!
:'''Michael''': Pandemomium at SummerSlam!
:'''Booker T''': What this is, guys, this is destiny tonight for Alberto Del Rio!
:'''Jerry''': But what was Kevin Nash doing here?!
:'''Michael''': Triple H trying to figure out...trying to make sense of everything that has happened here.
:'''Jerry''': As ''we'' are. This is total chaos. I think that Alberto Del Rio is now the undisputed WWE Champion.
:'''Michael''': He is! He is!
:'''Booker T''': Did you say &quot;think&quot;? Alberto Del Rio is the new WWE Champion here tonight at SummerSlam! He cashed it in!
:'''Michael''': Triple H has no idea what's happened. Del Rio cashed in his Money in the Bank contract...
:'''Jerry''': But he did it after CM Punk was laid out by Kevin Nash, who had...what the hell was he doing here?! Well, there's our undisputed Champion, Alberto Del Rio! What just happened?!

== [[w:SummerSlam (2012)|2012]] ==

:'''Jerry &quot;The King&quot; Lawler''': ''[on the &quot;YES!&quot; chants]'' The chants are really getting to Daniel Bryan.
:'''Michael Cole''': I'm gonna point out what I've been saying all along. This is extremely unfair for Daniel Bryan. The crowd's distracting him.
:'''Jerry''': You just really can't make up your mind, can you? You're indecisive. I remember when you couldn't stand Daniel Bryan; now you're at the top of his fan club.
:'''Michael''': Well, he's won me over.
:'''Jerry''': I heard you've got a seven-year-old son you haven't named yet. Come on, make up your mind about things, Cole.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Michael''': ''[after Triple H had tapped out to Brock Lesnar]'' You have to wonder if this is the end for Triple H.
:''[Triple H can't find the words and walks back]''
:'''Jerry''': Wow, I think he just said goodbye.

== [[w:SummerSlam (2013)|2013]] ==

:'''Damien Sandow''': Throughout literary history, there have been several prolific pairings. Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson; to dumb it down for all of you halfwits, Batman and Robin. Each duo had something in common—there was a leader and an inferior sidekick or lackey. Cody Rhodes was my sidekick, and tonight I send him back from whence he came, from his family of carnival clowns. SILENCE! Team Rhodes Scholars could have been the ultimate prolific pairing. But tonight, I send Cody back to the pairing he was destined for,with his father—Dumb and Dumber. You're welcome.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Lilian Garcia''': And his opponent, from San...''[Alberto stops her and whispers into her ear]'' Ladies and gentlemen, Alberto Del Rio is insisting that I introduce him in Spanish. ''Desde San Luis Potosí, Mexico, pesando doscientos treinta y nueve libras. Él es el campeón de peso completo, Alberto Del Rio!''
:'''Jerry &quot;The King&quot; Lawler''': Lilian had better be careful. We know what happened to the [[w:Ricardo Rodriguez (wrestler)|''last'' ring announcer]] for Alberto Del Rio.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Daniel Bryan hits a running knee on Cena]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Bryan for a cover, hook of the leg...''[Triple H counts to three]'' HE DID IT! DANIEL BRYAN DID IT! DANIEL BRYAN IS WWE CHAMPION!
:'''Jerry''': Oh man!
:'''Justin Roberts''': The winner of this match and NEW WWE Champion: Daniel Bryan!
:'''Michael''': The fairytale has come true! The dream of a lifetime! The decade of perseverance and hard work has paid off! Daniel Bryan is on top of the world!
:'''John &quot;Bradshaw&quot; Layfield''': It's said before, but they're right—miracles can happen!
:'''Michael''': Daniel Bryan is WWE Champion!
:'''Jerry''': The beard is here, and the Champ is here!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jerry''': This could be the year of the beard.
:'''Loudspeaker''': I hear voices in my head...
:'''Michael''': Oh my God. Oh my God!
:'''JBL''': You've gotta be kidding me.
:'''Michael''': Mr. Money in the Bank, Randy Orton, briefcase and contract in tow.
:'''JBL''': Randy Orton's gonna cash in.
:''[Randy stops before ringside]''
:'''Michael''': Is Randy Orton gonna ruin Bryan's moment? ''[Randy holds the briefcase up, takes a few steps toward the ring...]'' The Champ not backing down. ''[...then turns around and walks back]'' And Randy Orton with a little message, just a little reminder to the WWE Champion.
:'''Jerry''': Yeah. &quot;I'm still here.&quot;
:'''Daniel Bryan''': ''[as Randy stops halfway up and turns around]'' YES!
:'''Crowd''': ''[chanting]'' YES!
:'''Jerry''': Wait a minute.
:''[Triple H turns Daniel around, kicks him in the gut...]''
:'''Michael''': Oh my God! OH MY GOD!
:'''JBL''': What are you doing?!
:'''Michael''': What the hell?! ''[...and Pedigrees him. Randy enters the ring and hands the briefcase to Triple H.]'' Oh my God, no. Oh my God, no! Hunter, what are you doing?!
:'''Triple H''': ''[handing the briefcase to the announcer]'' Ring the bell now. Ring it.
:'''Michael''': Hunter, what are you doing? This match is underway. Bryan's out cold. ''[Randy turns Daniel onto his back and covers him.]'' Randy Orton...''[Triple H counts to three, with the crowd counting alongside him]'' Randy Orton has cashed in Money in the Bank. Randy Orton is a seven-time WWE Champion.
:'''Justin''': The winner of this match and NEW WWE Champion: Randy Orton!
:'''Jerry''': Oh my God! Triple H, wha...?
:'''JBL''': What the hell just happened?
:'''Michael''': ''[struggling to say it]'' It just isn't real.
:'''JBL''': Talk about a damper on the party. This is the damnedest SummerSlam I've ever seen.
:'''Michael''': You've gotta be kidding me.
:'''JBL''': You can't help but feel bad for Daniel Bryan.
:'''Michael''': Daniel Bryan...Daniel Bryan.
:'''Jerry''': Well, you know what, guys? Look at it this way—Mr. McMahon just got ''his'' wish. He didn't want Cena to be Champion, and he sure as hell didn't want Daniel Bryan to be Champion.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jerry''': Randy Orton didn't even have to do a thing. After that Pedigree, he just turned Daniel Bryan over, covered him, and the Game counted 1-2-3; we got a new WWE Champion. What on Earth have we just witnessed? What does this mean?! What's gonna happen?!

== [[w:SummerSlam (2014)|2014]] ==

:'''The Miz''': In a summer dominated with [[w:Transformers: Age of Extinction|talking robots]], [[w:Dawn of the Planet of the Apes|talking monkeys]], and [[w:Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014 film)|talking Ninja Turtles]], tonight, you are blessed in be in a presence with a real-life, non-CGI movie star. A man who possesses something that [[w:Guardians of the Galaxy (film)|Drax the Destroyer]] to [[w:Hercules (2014 film)|Hercules]] to every single person in this town wishes they had—''[points to his face]'' this, the moneymaker. See, tonight, I wanna make Dolph Ziggler go from a bright, shiny star that everybody's been talking about, to an unrecognizable failure. In other words, I'm gonna make WWE Dolph Ziggler, Superstar, the WWE version of the Lakers.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Michael Cole''': ''[on Maria Menounos]'' She once called me her favorite host of all time at WrestleMania.
:'''Jerry &quot;The King&quot; Lawler''': What?
:'''John &quot;Bradshaw&quot; Layfield''': She later admitted that she was under the influence.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''JBL''': On Paige's 22nd birthday, she becomes a 2-time Divas Champion!
:'''Jerry''': Guys, we've had two matches and two title changes here tonight.
:'''Michael''': What an incredible performance by Paige, and what a counter, guys, of AJ's Black Widow submission maneuver.
:'''JBL''': What an incredible SummerSlam so far! Happy birthday, Paige!
:''[Paige sits a barely conscious AJ up and hugs her, gives her a kiss, and shoves her back down. She skips around the ring]''
:'''Jerry''': Look at...look at this.
:'''JBL''': Paige ''does'' have affection, she ''does'' love AJ.
:'''Jerry''': Come on, this is... As you said, Michael, that's a little creepy.
:'''Michael''': Whack-job.
:'''JBL''': Champion.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Michael''': What a specimen. ''[Brock picks up Cena over his shoulders]'' Oh, my God, Cena on top. Brock Lesnar. Brock Lesnar going for the F-5. ''[Lesnar hits the F-5 and covers Cena]'' For the Championship, Lesnar with the cover. ''[Referee counts to three]''  Lesnar has won the WWE World Title in convincing fashion!
:'''Justin Roberts''': The winner of this match...and NEW WWE World Heavyweight Champion: Brock Lesnar!
:'''JBL''': That is the most dominating performance I have ever seen in a championship match in my life.
:'''Michael''': It wasn't even close.
:'''JBL''': My God.
:'''Michael''': Lesnar has conquered John Cena.
:'''JBL''': Lesnar destroyed a 15-time World Champion, he destroyed the Streak. This man, Brock Lesnar, is unstoppable.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Michael''': This was a merciless assault.
:'''JBL''': I think Brock could've ended it earlier. He just didn't want to. I never dreamed I would see this happen to John Cena.
:'''Michael''': What a 2014 for Brock Lesnar - the most dominant year of any athlete here in WWE! He stops the undefeated streak at WrestleMania of the Undertaker, and he slays John Cena!
:'''Paul Heyman''': ''[to Brock]'' You are the conqueror, and you've conquered the WWE Universe!

== [[w:SummerSlam (2015)|2015]] ==

:'''[[Jon Stewart]]''': You know, I've spent the last 16 years talking about politics; it's nice to be back in reality.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Xavier Woods''': Brooklyn, now, we know that your city is used to feeling filthy and disgusting, so we brought you some positivity. I mean, look at how clean we are. Everybody, get your cameras out and see how good we look!
:'''John &quot;Bradshaw&quot; Layfield''': They are clean.
:'''Kofi Kingston''': You see, today, we're gonna teach up about a little something called hip...hop, something that New York doesn't know anything about. Y'all don't know nothing about hip-hop, because hip-hop originated in the South.
:'''Xavier''': [[w:Yeah! (Usher song)|Peace up, A-Town down!]]
:'''Kofi''': So it goes a little something like this. ''[The New Day enters the ring]'' Hold on now, come on, come on. You know Jay-Z's tried this, but Jay-Z failed. The good news is the New Day's about to make it a whole lot better. All right, pitch pipes to C. Pitch pipes to C.
:'''Big E''': Got it.
:''[The New Day blows into their pipes]''
:'''Kofi''': ''[to tune of &quot;[[w:Empire State of Mind|Empire State of Mind]]&quot;] Let's hear it for New Day''
:'''Xavier''': ''Negativity won't affect us
:'''Kofi''': ''Clap 'cause it's infectious''
:'''Xavier''': ''Let's hear it for New Day''
:'''Big E''': ''All those other tag teams are booty''
:''Yeah, I said booty''
:'''Xavier''': ''Let's hear it for New Day''
:'''New Day''': ''New Day, New Daaa...[brief stop for breath]...aaayyyyy''
:...
:'''JBL''': Jay-Z's gonna sign those guys if he can afford 'em.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Xavier''': Tricep meat all day long! Big E's got the market cornered on tricep meat! You can't even get a hamburger in WWE because Big E sells nothing but tricep meat!
:'''JBL''': That's what happens when you have a Ph.D, Michael—you've got a lot to say like Xavier Woods.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jon''': Paul Heyman, I'm a big fan. I call you the Apex Orator.
:'''Paul Heyman''': Thank you. I consider that a compliment.
:'''Jon''': It is a compliment. May I have a word with Mr. Lesnar?
:'''Paul''': Now's not really a good time.
:'''Jon''': Because I'm an Undertaker guy, is that what this is?
:'''Paul''': Well...that's not the only reason, but if I may. What happened when your ''guy'' fought my Beast, what do you got to say about that?
:'''Jon''': You're pretty happy about that, right? The victory. You know who wasn't happy about that? Wrestling fans. See, that's what I am; I'm a wrestling fan. And the Undertaker had perfection. He had a streak that hadn't been seen, 21-0. You know who people remember? [[w:Joe DiMaggio|Joe DiMaggio]] and [[w:Hitting streak|his streak]]. You know who they ''don't'' remember? [[w:Ken Keltner|The guy who ended that streak]]. So let me ask you something. When you watched WrestleMania, were you happy to see the fans' faces, the disappointment and the sadness of those people who paid good money to come out and see perfection? But there you were as the advocate, rubbing salt, salt in the wound of every wrestling fan everywhere. They came out there to WrestleMania that day hoping to see magic, perfection. It was Christmas morning, they had that present, they opened it up, and they didn't get a puppy. You know what they got, you know what you gave them, you and the guy with the head and the shoulders and the dagger on the chest? You know what you gave them? Coal. Are you happy about that? What do you have to say about that?
:'''Paul''': ''[to tune of &quot;Battle Hymn of the Republic&quot;] Glory, glory, Brock Lesnar''
:''Glory, glory, Brock Lesnar''
:I guess we couldn't get David Letterman to host the show tonight.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[As Jon Stewart runs into the Cena-Rollins match with a chair, between the two]''
:'''JBL''': What is Jon Stewart doing?
:'''Jerry &quot;The King&quot; Lawler''': Jon Stewart?
:'''JBL''': He told Cena in the pre-show, &quot;if you need any help, I'm there.&quot;
:'''Michael''': Well, remember Stewart's had major issues with Rollins on his old ''Daily Show''.
:'''Jerry''': Jon, don't do this. You cannot do this.
:'''JBL''': Jon Stewart has no business being in there, none. It's a World Championship match, get him out of there!
:'''Jerry''': I can't believe this.
:'''Michael''': Cena has no idea what's going on, he can't even see. ''[Jon rams Cena in the stomach with the chair]'' Oh, come on! What the hell did he do that for?!
:''[Jon throws the chair at Seth's feet and scurries out of the ring. Seth hits the Pedigree on Cena]''
:'''Jerry''': Jon Stewart, what have you done?!
:'''Michael''': Pedigree on the chair! A Pedigree on the chair! ''[Rollins tosses the chair out and covers Cena]'' Rollins is gonna win the US Title! You gotta be kidding me!
:'''JBL''': What did Jon Stewart do that for?!
:'''Michael''': Not like this! 
:''[Chad Patton counts to three]''
:'''JBL''': Why would he do that?!
:'''Michael''': Rollins has made history thanks to Jon Stewart!
:'''Lilian Garcia''': Ladies and gentlemen, your United States and WWE World Heavyweight Champion: Seth Rollins!
:'''JBL''': The hell did we just see?!
:'''Jerry''': The host of SummerSlam just helped Seth Rollins win!
:'''Michael''': Seth Rollins, the first man to hold the United States Title and the WWE World Title, but what did we just see?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Michael''': Jon Stewart has gone from ''Daily Show'' host to SummerSlam criminal here tonight.
:'''JBL''': Maybe SummerSlam hero; depends on your perspective, Michael.
:'''Jerry''': Oh, come on, that wasn't right and you know it, John.

== [[w:Summerslam (2016)|2016]] ==
:'''Big Cass''': New York City!
:''[crowd cheers]''
:'''Big Cass''': How you doin'?
:'''Enzo Amore''': This match is dedicated to all the teachers that told us we never amount to nothing. To all the people in the building hustling trying to make some money on feeding their daughter, and all the people in the struggle, you know what I'm saying?
:'''Cass''': It's all good, baby, baby!
:'''Enzo''': It was all a dream and that dream has become a reality! How you doin'? There was once a man who stood on the other side of the Hudson River who went by Ol' Blue Eyes. And when he sang &quot;New York, New York&quot;, he knew he was looking at the greatest city in the world, and he knew full well if you can make it here, then you can make it anywhere.
:'''Cass''': ''[singing]'' It's up to you, New York, New York!
:''[crowd cheers]''
:'''Enzo''': And young blue eyes right in this ring and that seven-footer standing next to me, right now we're in an Empire State of Mind, baby. And we are living proof that bright lights can inspire you. So, with that being said, allow me to quote a great from right here in Brooklyn, New York, a notorious New Yorker, Biggie Smalls. Biggie Smalls said, &quot;Mo' money, mo' problems.&quot; Well then Jeri-KO, you're looking at a couple problems cause me and Big Cass are walking, talking checks on the come up like the Michael Jordan silhouette.
:'''Cass''': Jeri-KO, we've got 99 problems and you ain't one of them. You wanna come into our backyard and try to act hard? Well, no, no, no, no, no, because there's only ''[the crowd joins in]'' one word to describe you, and I'm gonna spell it out for ya! S-A-W-F-T!
:'''Crowd''': SAWFT!

== [[w:SummerSlam (2022)|2022]] ==
:'''Corey Graves''': I liked you better when you weren't allowed to have an opinion.
:'''Michael Cole''': That's changed. A lot's changed.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
''[Brock Lesnar using a tractor to attempt flipping the ring]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Where the hell is he going?
''[the ring moves]''
:'''Corey Graves''': Oh, Jesus!
:'''Michael Cole''': Corey, get the hell out of there! Brock Lesnar just moved the entire ring with a goddamn ''tractor!''
:'''Corey Graves''': I'm in Kid Rock's lap right now! God Almighty, what the hell is Lesnar doin'?!
:'''Michael Cole''': Anything he wants! ''[Lesnar flips the ring]'' Lesnar's liftin' up the ''[Corey: OH, MY GOD!!!]'' ring with Roman Reigns in it! With a damn ''tractor!!'' REIGNS FALLS OUT OF THE ENTIRE RING!!
:'''Corey Graves''': THIS IS ONE OF THE DAMNEDEST THINGS I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!
:'''Michael Cole''': I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS! EVER! BROCK LESNAR JUST LIFTED THE RING FIFTEEN FEET OFF THE GROUND WITH A DAMN TRACTOR!!!!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
''[Lesnar tries to beat the count of 10]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Corey, this is-- this- this is sickening. This is uncomfortable out here.
:'''Corey Graves''': I-I-I-I'm speechless.
:'''Michael Cole''': We're at a count of five. Roman Reigns is four ticks away from retaining his championship. A count of seven now. A count of eight, Brock Lesnar-- Look at the look in Lesnar's eyes! Lesnar back to a knee! Lesnar beats the count again! You gotta be ''kidding'' me! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?! '''WHAT IS THIS MAN MADE OF?!?!?!?!'''
:'''Corey Graves''': HE'S NOT HUMAN!!!
''[Reigns pummels Lesnar with the WWE Championship]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Reigns with the title off the face of Lesnar! That's ''gotta'' be it!! &lt;big&gt;'''FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, COUNT FASTER!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;

==[[w:Summerslam (2024)|2024]]==

''[Dominik Mysterio and Liv Morgan kiss each other after Mysterio cost Rhea Ripley the Women's World Championship]''
:'''Michael Cole''': '''DOMINIK, YOU SORRY TWO-TIMING SON OF A BITCH!!!'''
:'''Pat McAfee''': '''This piece of trash screwed over his dad, and now screws over his Mami as well!!!'''
:'''Corey Graves''': Ain't love grand?
:'''Michael Cole''': Rhea Ripley heartbroken. Guys, has this been a ruse for months? What the hell is going on here?
:'''Pat McAfee''': You would assume that Dom can't think months in advance 'cause he's too dumb, but anything's possible with this piece of...
:'''Michael Cole''': Well, just say it. I mean that's what he is.
:'''Pat McAfee''': '''THIS PIECE OF SHIT!!!'''

==[[w:SummerSlam (2025)|2025]]==

:''[Cody Rhodes has just won back the WWE Championship, and he leaves the ring to let John Cena have the final moment]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Ladies and gentlemen, enjoy this while you can. We have four months left to enjoy the greatness that is John Cena. ''[As Cena starts to leave, Brock Lesnar's music suddenly hits, and the crowd erupts thunderously]'' '''WHAT?!''' ''[Lesnar himself emerges]'' '''HOLY SHIT!!!'''
:'''Wade Barrett''': '''OH… MY… GOD!!!'''
:'''Michael Cole''': '''IT'S THE BEAST!!! IT'S THE BEAST!!!'''
:'''Wade Barrett''': '''THE BEAST IS BACK!!!'''
:'''Michael Cole''': '''BROCK LESNAR!!! BROCK LESNAR!!! BROCK LESNAR IS AT SUMMERSLAM!!!''' OH, MY GOD! HELL HAS COME TO THE MEADOWLANDS! ''[Pyrotechnics go off and Lesnar slowly starts towards the ring]'' Wade, i-it's been years!
:'''Wade Barrett''': Hold on, I'm looking at the look in John Cena's eyes. It doesn't look like he's ready to greet an old friend here. There's a smile on the face of Brock Lesnar.
:'''Michael Cole''': Let's not use the word &quot;friend&quot; when it comes to Lesnar and Cena! This is a man that has beaten the hell out of John Cena over the years! 
:'''Wade Barrett''': This is a man who is a walking hazard, a walking threat!
:'''Michael Cole''': John Cena once called this man his greatest rival, his toughest rival, his most physical rival, and Brock Lesnar is here, and he's as massive as ever! ''[Lesnar and Cena lock eyes for a few moments before Lesnar takes off his vest]'' The Beast has not taken his eyes off John Cena since he entered this stadium. ''[Lesnar takes off his hat]'' He had to shed his jacket, he's taken off his hat. 
:'''Wade Barrett''': This is a man built for one thing. ''[Lesnar quickly slides into the ring and hoists Cena up on his shoulders]'' 
:'''Michael Cole:''': And now Lesnar into the ring, and Brock Lesnar with John Cena on his shoulders! ''[Lesnar delivers a thunderous F-5 to Cena]'' Brock Lesnar with an F-5 to John Cena!! On a night when John Cena went through an absolute war with Cody Rhodes!
:'''Wade Barrett''': Let's be honest, Brock Lesnar was never coming down here to commiserate with anyone.

==External links==
{{wikipedia|SummerSlam}}

[[Category:WWE TV shows]]
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      <text bytes="99869" sha1="f1n2mwu1gg0nd0u4tgby1358qsq8hys" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:SummerSlam|SummerSlam]]''' is a [[w:WWE|WWE]] [[w:Pay Per View|Pay Per View]] held every August since 1988. It is regarded as the second biggest show of the year behind [[w:WrestleMania|WrestleMania]]. The first SummerSlam was held August 29, 1988 at [[w:Madison Square Garden|Madison Square Garden]].

== [[w:SummerSlam (1988)|1988]] ==

:'''Howard Finkel''': Ladies and gentlemen...our opening contest is a tag team bout, scheduled for one fall.  Currently in the ring to my left, hailing from Montreal, Quebec, Canada, but SOON to relocate in the United States, at a total combined weight of 474 lbs...here are Jacques and Raymond, the Fabulous Rougeau Brothers.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Honky Tonk Man''' : Get me somebody out here to wrestle, I don't care who it is.
:'''Superstar Billy Graham''' : Ho ho ho. Don't say that, my man. There are some people in that locker room who would take this man apart.
:'''Gorilla Monsoon''': We're all waiting here with anticipation as for who the opponent will be. Well, maybe we haven't got an opponent.
:'''Billy''': Well, maybe we have an opponent, or maybe he's still lacing up his boots. Who knows, man.
:'''Gorilla''': ''[as familiar theme music plays]'' Wait a minute, wait a minute. Somebody's music.
:'''Billy''': That's familiar music, brother!
:'''Gorilla''': They've exploded here in the Garden! I don't see anybody yet!
:'''Howard''': ''[as the Ultimate Warrior runs to the ring and goes right after the Honky Tonk Man]'' Here is the challenger, weighing...
:''[Howard jumps out as the match begins]''
:'''Gorilla''': It's the Ultimate Warrior!
:'''Billy''': One man on the attack!
:'''Gorilla''': This place has gone bananas!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Gorilla''': Ultimate Warrior exploding here on the Honky Tonk Man. Beautiful flying tackle. The bell has gone and it's officially underway.
:'''Billy''': Warrior doesn't know what to do, he's so excited!
:''[Warrior knocks Honky Tonk Man down]''
:'''Gorilla''': The title definitely up for grabs here.
:'''Billy''': Oh, we could get a new champion right now, Gorilla Monsoon! Right now, brother, we could get a new champion!
:'''Gorilla''': ''[as Warrior hits a splash]'' Big splash here, hooks the leg... ''[Dave Hebner counts to three]'' It's over! History has been made here!
:'''Billy''': I love it! I love it!
:'''Gorilla''': Look at this place gone bananas!
:'''Billy''': Pandemonium is running wild in Madison Square Garden, my man!
:'''Gorilla''': History once again made here in Madison Square Garden!
:'''Howard''': The winner of this contest...and NEW Intercontinental Champion: The Ultimate Warrior!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Sean Mooney''': It is a different story here in the locker room of the Ultimate Warrior, the new Intercontinental Champion, and Warrior, you are now a champion in the World Wrestling Federation.
:'''Ultimate Warrior''': Honky Tonk Man, you thought it was like something out of a comic book, brother, but we're talking about real life! I was sitting in Parts Unknown waiting for the next spaceship to higher planes, and the lightning bolts came down from the sky, and the warriors spoke! They said &quot;make it to the Garden.&quot; Well, the Ultimate Warrior showed, and Honky Tonk Man, you gave the challenge, and the Ultimate Warrior and the little Warriors with all the painted faces rose to the challenge, and they conquered! I'm taking all the little Warriors through all the darkness and the pain! And Honky Tonk Man, if you want a piece of me, or anybody thinks they can take on the Warriors, I'm not hard to find. I'll be on the next spaceship to Parts Un...KNOWN!!!

== [[w:SummerSlam (1989)|1989]] ==

[Mean Gene is set to conduct an interview with Ravishing Rick Rude and Bobby Heenan]
:'''Mean Gene Okerlund''': Gentlemen, as you know the Ultimate Warrior-- ''(the SummerSlam sign falls off behind them.)''
:'''Vince McMahon''': Nice move.
:'''Gene''': Fuck it!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Ravishing Rick Rude''': What I'd like to have right now is for all you fat, out-of-shape SummerSlam sweathogs...
:'''Jesse &quot;The Body&quot; Ventura''': Ha ha ha!
:'''Tony Schiavone''': You like that?
:'''Jesse''': He's talking to you, Schiavone!
:'''Rick''': ...keep the noise down while I take my robe off and show the ladies what a ''real'' sexy man looks like.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The Ultimate Warrior has press slammed Rick Rude from the ring to the floor]''
:'''Jesse''': There was no call for that! The name of this sport is Wrestling. You wrestle inside the ring. This guy is a lunatic, I don't like him, he goes by his own rules, he don't listen to nothing.
:'''Tony''': But Jesse, he's bought all this on himself. With Bobby Heenan pulling the leg, with Andre the Giant trying to choke out the Ultimate Warrior, you gotta expect a guy like the Warrior to take matters into your own hands.
:'''Jesse''': And that means out to the floor. ''[Ultimate Warrior grabs the IC title and hits Rick Rude in the back with it]'' Hitting him with the belt?! This should be a disqualfication! That's an disqualfication!! Where is the hell the referee?!
:'''Tony''': That's outside of the ring Jesse.
:'''Jesse''': So what?!
:'''Tony''': As much as it can just be a countout here.
:'''Jesse''': What are you going to tell me Schiavone? You can shoot somebody outside the ring? As long as it's outside the ring? You know, you're even dumber than Monsoon! I thought Monsoon was the stupidest guy alive.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Howard Finkel''': Ladies and gentlemen, at this time, I am pleased to announce that we have a very special guest. A surprise ring announcer, let's welcome Rugged Ronnie Garvin!
:'''Jesse''': What?!
:'''Tony''': Ho ho ho! What about that Jesse?
:'''Jesse''': What is the purpose of this? The guy gets banned from refereeing, he gets banned from wrestling, now he's going to be a ring announcer?
:'''Tony''': Well I think we better hear what he has to say. Why not?
:'''Rugged Ronnie Garvin''': Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall.
:'''Tony''': He does a good job.
:'''Jesse''': He's reading cue cards.
:'''Tony''': Well, there's nothing wrong with that.
:'''Garvin''': Coming down the aisle, weighing 275 pounds, the Mighty Hercules!
:'''Tony''': The fans on their feet. As Rugged Ronnie Garvin makes the announcement, the Mighty Hercules making his way to the ring and quite personally Jesse, I can't wait to hear this introduction from Rugged Ronnie Garvin.
:'''Jesse''': It ought to be interesting.
:'''Garvin''': His so called opponent,
:'''Jesse''': &quot;So called opponent&quot;?
:'''Tony''': Well, that's an opinion.
:'''Garvin''': coming to the ring with that little pip squeak, poor excuse of a manager. The big mouth of the south, Jimmy Hart. Here's a man who says he's from Seattle Washington. He claims to weigh 249 pounds. To me, he looks like he's overweight by 30 pounds!
:'''Jesse''': How dare him do that as an announcer!
:'''Garvin''': This individual who can't think for himself and when he goes to his wimpy manager for advice, little Jimmy can't give him any!
:'''Jesse''': I think Ronnie Garvin's a punk!
:'''Garvin''': He's the only wrestler I've seen with two left feet! Wears a robe with cheap rhinestones! Can't tell whether he's coming or going! Made the biggest mistake of his life when he asked for me to be reinstated, Greg &quot;The Hammer&quot; Valentine!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Genius''': From the Meadowlands Arena to the multitudes beyond, I, The Genius, full of glory and renown
:Share my wondrous words of wisdom with the SummerSlam spectacular to validate my mortar board and gown.
:Brutus Beefcake and Hulk Hogan shall be running for their lives, the highest card they're holding is a deuce.
:They are totally unqualified to match the royal flush that shall be coming from the Macho Man and Zeus.
:&quot;Scary Sherri&quot; is the term that Brutus Beefcake used in slander, and he had the nerve to call her overdressed.
:That's when the Barber got a trim that wasn't on the schedule, because Sherri is a cut above the rest.
:On the other hand, Elizabeth is absolutely useless, she is less than just another pretty face. 
:When you add the unknown factor of the Human Wrecking Machine, tonight the Hulk shall be in second place!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Tony''': And Jesse Ventura, there is a power stronger than Zeus and it's called Hulkamania!
:'''Jesse''': Yeah sure Schiavone. It's called foreign object, that's what it's called. Hogan had to use an illegal foreign object to win this match. And if that's what the Hulkamaniacs advocate, well they can stick it!
:'''Tony''': (to Sensational Sherri) Well it's back to the cauldron for you young lady.
:'''Jesse''': And then, to top it all off, Hogan has to beat up a woman!
:'''Tony''': (to Elizabeth) Well Jesse, there's a real woman for you right there.
:'''Jesse''': There's a gold digger right there.

== [[w:SummerSlam (1990)|1990]] ==

:'''Sean Mooney''': Now, Mr. Perfect, it was less than ten days ago that you accepted the challenge from the [[w:Kerry Von Erich|Texas Tornado]] to defend the Intercontinental Championship. Have you ever prepared for a title defense on such short notice?
:'''Mr. Perfect''': To be perfectly honest with you, I haven't. You see, being absolutely ''perfect'' does have its problems, because when you're a ''perfect'' Intercontinental Champion, challengers are few and far between. And let's face it, I'm perfect in every way — the perfect body, the perfect mind, and the perfect record.
:'''Mooney''': Mr. Perfect, is it wise to accept a challenge from someone you know so little about?
:'''Bobby &quot;The Brain&quot; Heenan''': Wait a minute, pal, I'll handle this one. You see, I know a lot about this Texas Tornado, because if you've seen one, you've seen 'em all. And you know why they call you the Texas Tornado? Because you've got your head in the clouds, and if you've got your head in the clouds, pal, you don't have your feet on the ground! You see, a Texas tornado never really does any damage, because you can spot one coming a mile away. Sure, they may look ferocious, but all they're really good for is kicking up some dust and ''(laughing)'' maybe turning over a few mobile homes in some hick trailer park on the Panhandle.
:'''Perfect''': Remember this! Nobody beats Mr. Perfect!
:'''Perfect and Bobby''': Nobody.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
(''Mr. Perfect loses the Intercontinental title to the Texas Tornado)''
:'''Roddy Piper''': I'm sorry, what was the name of the guy who just ''lost'' again?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Mean Gene Okerlund''': With me now, Sensational Queen Sherri.
:'''Sensational Queen Sherri''': You mean ''victorious'' Sensational Queen Sherri.
:'''Gene''': Well, yes, but you're not gonna gloat like that.
:'''Sherri''': Listen, Mean Gene. When you are so good that you intimidate your opponent to the point where they don't even show up because they know that they'll take a sensational beating, you can gloat all you want.
:'''Gene''': Well, I suppose, but Queen Sherri, there's something peculiar going on around here as it relates to Sweet Sapphire. It's almost if she vanished into thin air. There were earlier sightings of Sapphire, but I don't know what's happened to her, I really don't.
:'''Sherri''': &quot;Earlier sightings&quot;? What is she, a UFO?! But you're right, a lot of people did see Sapphire earlier this afternoon, and I'm beginning to think that maybe she's not so dumb after all.
:'''Gene''': What do you mean?
:'''Sherri''': First of all, she was smart enough not to show up and take a beating in her match with me; second, I heard a few rumors a minute ago. She may be the smartest person in the WWF.
:'''Gene''': Rumors? What rumors?
:'''Sherri''': ''[laughing hysterically]'' Well...this is too good to be true!
:'''Gene''': Sensational Queen Sherri, I fail to see what's so funny about a missing person.
:'''Sherri''': I said she was missing, I didn't say anything about her being a person.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mooney''': Jake, it's well-founded that Bad News Brown is afraid of snakes. The question remains, are you afraid of sewer rats?
:'''Jake &quot;The Snake&quot; Roberts''': You know, my man, they don't call me the Snake for nothing, because Damian and I, we have a lot in common. But how about you, Bad News? You hang around with sewer rats. What does that say about you? But to answer your question, Sean, I'm not afraid of rats, no, because I don't have to be. You see, Damian here is really hungry. Yeah I know, Bad News says he hasn't fed his rats for weeks, and they must have a voracious appetite. But what I want to know, Bad News, is just how hungry are you? Because that's exactly what it's going to come down to—hunger. And hunger, that, Bad News, is what separates a man like me from a mouse like you.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mean Gene''': Hulk Hogan, hot on the heels of victory at SummerSlam tonight! What a powerhouse of a match between you and Earthquake, but I don't know, Hulk, if it's been settled.
:'''Hulk Hogan''': You know somethin', Mean Gene? The only thing left to do, brother, is to kickstart my Wide Glide, hang onto the Ape Hangers, and with the largest arms in the world, man, ride right up to Jack Tunney's office, brother! Let him know that the Hulkamaniacs realize they're still the stronger power in the world, brother! And Jack Tunney, I just want you to know, dude. They're building new buildings all around the country. New York City, Los Angeles, Chicago, Africa, Asia, North Pole, South Pole, and all points in between, brother! And the new buildings, Mean Gene, they're Earthquake-proof, brother!
:'''Mean Gene''': Earthquake-proof?
:'''Hulk''': Yes! Earthquake-proof! Because I'm gonna take this big, fat dude, and I'm gonna drag him all the way around the country, brother! I'm gonna beat him in each and every arena until Jack Tunney puts me right back where I belong—in the #1 contender's spot, brother.
:'''Mean Gene''': Well, Hulk Hogan, with all due respect, I think you're there already, I'll tell you what. A strong, strong outing for you against this mammoth, Earthquake.
:'''Hulk''': Well, you know something, Mean Gene? I felt the love of the Hulkamaniacs, brother. The 400,000 cards and letters in just a few short weeks prove, man, that this thing's gonna last forever. And now, Hulkamaniacs, this is the decade of the little Hulksters, brother. And now, there are four Demandments. Four Demandments—train, say your prayers, eat your vitamins, and believe in yourself, brother. If you believe in yourself like you made me believe in myself, you can get anything you want!
:And now, I'm getting a new 9-foot gun made, brother! A brand new surfboard with a 2 1/2 foot skeg, and I'm gonna go out to Venice Beach, and I'm gonna chase each and every shark I can find! And when I find the biggest wave I can find, I'm gonna catch that title wave, brother—I said ''title'' wave—and I'm gonna ride it right to the top! Whatcha gonna do, WWF, Earthquake, and Jack Tunney, and anybody else in my way?!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Ultimate Warrior''': Do you know what Ravishing Rick Rude and Bobby Heenan have in common with the Liberty Bell?
:'''Gene''': No, what?
:'''Warrior''': One is cracked, and the other is a ding dong.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Ravishing Rick Rude''': What I'd like to have right now is for all you fat, out-of-shape Pennsylvania piss-ants, keep the noise down while I take my robe off and give you a good look at the next World Wrestling Federation Champion.

== [[w:SummerSlam (1991)|1991]] ==

:'''Bobby &quot;The Brain&quot; Heenan''': If your parents were here Piper, they wouldn't let you know that you were gone.
:'''Rowdy Roddy Piper''': I'm not going to kill you for that remark, Boobs. I'll let you live with it for the next two and a half hours.
:'''Bobby''': I heard a rumor that your mom and dad ran away from home.
:'''Gorilla Monsoon''': Will you stop?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Bobby''': You know, Piper used to come home from school and find out that his parents had moved.
:'''Gorilla''': Will you stop?! I'm not going to tell you again or you'll be out of here.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Gorilla''': Concerned look on the face of Stu and Helen Hart.
:'''Bobby''': You know why they're concerned? They snuck in! They scared the usher away.
:'''Gorilla''': Will you be serious?!
:'''Roddy''': Stop it now Bobby!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Bobby''': Don't do it Perfect! Don't touch that ref!
:'''Gorilla''': Why? Disqualifcation will save his title.
:'''Bobby''': All right then nail him!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Gorilla''': ''[as Bret blocks a legdrop from Mr. Perfect]'' Nice block there, that move. Oh, he's got that hold half-applied on the canvas! He's turning him over!
:'''Roddy''': Beautiful counter!
:'''Bobby''': The Sharpshooter!
:'''Gorilla''': ''[as Hebner calls for the bell]'' He's got it!
:'''Roddy''': HE GOT IT!
:'''Bobby''': NO! NO!
:'''Gorilla''': We've got a new champion!
:'''Roddy''': We've got a new champion!
:'''Bobby''': NO!
:'''Roddy''': ALRIGHT!
:'''Howard''': The winner of this bout and NEW Intercontinental Champion: Bret &quot;Hitman&quot; Hart!
:''[Perfect kicks Bret once. Bret tears off Perfect's singlet as Perfect falls out on the ring]'' 
:'''Gorilla''': The new Intercontinental Champion, Bret &quot;The Hitman&quot; Hart!
:'''Roddy''': Tear it off, Bret! Tear it off, man!
:'''Gorilla''': Look at Perfect, he's hurt. He wants out of there!
:'''Roddy''': We've got us a new champeen! [''sic'']
:'''Gorilla''': And he deserves it! This place is going bananas!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Bobby''': With Butch, Luke and Andre in there...which one is Larry, Darryl, and Darryl?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Bobby is going to Hulk Hogan's dressing room with the NWA world title in his hands.]''
:'''Bobby''': Come on dummy, I don't have all day, I'm a busy man. Right here is the dressing room. Of the WWF champion Hulk Hogan. And I'm going to embarrass him and see what kind of a man he really is. ''[knocks on Hogan's door]'' Come on Hogan, open up! Wait till you see this. ''[Hogan opens the door.]'' On behalf of the real world's champion, Ric Flair, I would like to challenge you, Hogan. At any time any place - ''[Hogan slams the door.]'' Who do you think you're embarrassing?! You wouldn't do that if Ric Flair was standing here! You hear-- You hear me?! Turn that camera off. Turn that damn thing off!
:'''Gorilla''': Oh I love it!
:'''Roddy''': That's not the first door he's had slammed in his face. That's why he ain't married.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''[[w:Jacques Rougeau|The Mountie]]''': This is the way it's going to happen Mean Gene Okerlund. After I've done, beat your fat mug Boss Man, these little local hick cops are going to grab you and they're going to handcuff your hands. And they're going to take you and, I don't want you gentlemen to do it the New York style. I want gentlemen toto do it the Mountie kind of justice! If he fights back, I want you to drag him through these halls. And once we get back here, we wanna tan him in this little old paddy wagon. And once he get in here, it'll be your job to shackle his ankles, make sure he doesn't run away, shut the doors and throw the key away and bring him to that local New York caboose house. And we'll see you there Boss Man!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Bobby''': We are about to find out who the real law and order is. And I believe it's the man in the red shirt. ''[The Mountie]''
:'''Roddy''': Well I believe it's the man in the blue shirt. ''[The Big Boss Man]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Bobby''': I'm going to get the Boss Man a pack of cigarettes.
:'''Gorilla''': Are you leaving again?
:'''Bobby''': Yes, I'm going to take him some cigarettes.
:'''Gorilla''': What do you mean take him some cigarettes? He doesn't even smoke!
:'''Bobby''': No but he's going to need them to bribe the screws.
:'''Gorilla''': Will you stop?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Bobby''': Come on Boss Man, get up! It's six o clock in the morning. Here's your cup of coffee and your one cigarette.
:'''Roddy''': Oh you know what time they get up in the pokey do you?
:'''Bobby''': I watched Police Story in Colombo.
:'''Gorilla''': I think he's speaking from personal experience.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[the cops lead the Mountie to take pictures.]''
:'''The Mountie''': You guys think you're tough guys? Give me my shock stick! Aaah! No, no! You're not taking my pictures! Nooooo! You're not taking my pictures! (Hides his face with his arms.)
:'''Photographer''': So I heard the Boss Man kicked your butt, huh?
:'''The Mountie''': ''[looks up]'' What the?! ''[Photographer snaps the picture]'' No!! You're not taking my pictures!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[the cops lead the Mountie to the fingerprinting area.]''
:'''The Mountie''': No! You can't do this to me! You can't-- Aaaah! No! You're not taking my fingerprints! I'm not giving it to you!
:'''Cop''': Come on, give me your finger!
:'''The Mountie''': You want the finger?! ''[flips off the cop]'' Here's the finger! ''[They start fingerprinting the Mountie.]'' Yeow! Ouch! Yeow! Don't do that! I'm the Mountie! You can't fingerprint me!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Sean Mooney''': It looks as though the Mountie is a bit outnumbered and Sgt. Slaughter, I'm sure you can attest to that going 3 against 2 into the Match Made in Hell.
:'''Sgt. Slaughter''': What do you mean outnumbered, pukeface? You piece of human scum! Outnumbered?! We're not the ones that are going to be outnumbered. It's the Ultimare Warrior and Hulk Hogan that are going to be outnumbered. Why they're going to be outnumbered before the match even starts. Take a look at the Ultimate Puke. He still looks a little snakebit to me. Ha ha ha ha. And the Immortal Slime Hulk Hogan got a gash in his head. Lost about six gallons of blood. Ha ha ha ha. In fact, it's going to be a lot easier than we thought. In fact, we just may have one more surprise tonight in the match made in hell!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Roddy''': I hope Slaughter keeps getting back up so that Hogan can keep knocking him down.
:'''Bobby''': You must really hate the man.
:'''Roddy''': I do!
:'''Gorilla''': I suppose you like a traitor. Aren't you an American?
:'''Bobby''': Yes.
:'''Gorilla''': Well this guy turned his back on his country! Would you do that? Maybe you would.
:'''Bobby''': My favorite show is The Price Is Right.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The Mountie continues to rant inside his cell]''
:'''The Mountie''': Let me out, Jimmy Hart, I WANT TO HAVE A PHONE CALL!! ''[an inmate comes to him]''
:'''Inmate 1''': You want to fight me?
:'''The Mountie''': Get out of here!
:'''Inmate 1''': There's your buddy! ''[points to a mustachioed man in biker outfit approaching The Mountie]''
:'''Inmate 2''': Hi.
:'''The Mountie''': ''[senses that the guy is gay]'' Oh my God!
:'''Inmate 2''': Don't you just love the way leather feels against your body?
:'''The Mountie''': ''[retreats to another part of the cell]'' LET ME OUTTA HERE!! LET ME OUTTA HERE!!

== [[w:SummerSlam (1992)|1992]] ==

:'''Vince McMahon''': What are you doing with that ridiculous-looking crown on?
:'''Bobby &quot;The Brain&quot; Heenan''': Well, you little stupid peasant, I happen to be Sir Bobby, the King of England.
:'''Vince''': [[Henry VIII]] would be rolling over in his grave, Bobby &quot;the Brain&quot; Heenan, if he could see this! Nonetheless, the only thing royal about you is you're a royal pain; and speaking of a pain, in whose corner is Mr. Perfect really going to be in — the Ultimate Warrior's, or is going to be in the corner of the Macho Man?
:'''Bobby''': WOOOOOOOOOO!!!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': I hate to say it, but the Bushwhackers are a lot prettier than some of the women I've seen here.
:'''Vince''': Would you please stop that?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''[[w:Mike Rotunda|Irwin R. Schyster]]''': It's a well-known fact that if you British tax cheats would pay your fair share, you wouldn't put the burden on the royal family!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': I'm not sure Hawk even knows where he's at right now. Whether it be London, England, or Des Moines, Iowa, he hasn't got a clue.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mean Gene Okerlund''': With me at this is the former World Wrestling Federation Champion, the man who was disgruntled the moment they announced the main event for SummerSlam, for it was he who felt ''he'' should be the #1 contender to face the Macho Man Randy Savage. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the &quot;Nature Boy&quot; Ric Flair.
:'''Ric Flair''': Rest assured, little man, it was not I alone disgruntled over the fact that the great Ric Flair was denied his opportunity to regain the World Wrestling Federation Championship right here at SummerSlam. After all, when you're talking about the brights lights and the big cities, you gotta be talking London, England. And when you're talking Summerslam, and when you're talking the World Wrestling Federation, you gotta be talking Ric Flair! Woo!
:'''Mean Gene''': Ric Flair, I couldn't help but notice you're wearing your robe and your wrestling attire. What's going on here?
:'''Ric''': It's because anybody that knows anything about Ric Flair knows that he stays ready for any kind of action.
:'''Mean Gene''': And speaking of action, Ric Flair, one man we know is going to be seeing action tonight is your executive consultant, Mr. Perfect, for it's public knowledge he's gonna be in the corner of either the Macho Man Randy Savage or the Ultimate Warrior. As a matter of fact, I saw you and Mr. Perfect show up outside of Wembley Stadium earlier today in a long limosuine, Ric Flair. You two have been embroiled in this controversy of the main event since the day it was announced. As a matter of fact, this match may end up going down in history as the most controversial match in World Wrestling Federation history.
:Now then, Ric Flair, I'm gonna put you on the spot. In whose corner will Mr. Perfect be tonight? ''[Ric leans in to answer, but laughs]'' Oh, come on, is it gonna be the Macho Man? ''[Another tease]'' Don't do this to me. Is it gonna be the Ultimate Warrior? ''[Another tease]'' Ric Flair, enough is enough. Like the great Winston Churchill once said, &quot;now is the time!&quot; And ''now'' is the time we demand to know the whereabouts of Mr. Perfect for SummerSlam!
:'''Ric''': Why, he's in the dressing room.
:'''Mean Gene''': But ''whose'' dressing room?!
:'''Ric''': The dressing room of the winner! Who else?! WOO!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Shawn Michaels and Rick Martel have attempted a series of rolling cradles all involving pulling the others tights]''
:'''Vince''': There are more moons here in London, England, than there are on any other planet!
:'''Bobby''': I've never seen so many smiles in all my life.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''The Genius''': From the home of the Olympic Games of 1948
:And the World Cup of 1966. I know the date
:Now at SummerSlam at Wembley, and the Genius holds the key
:Behold the future champions, the Brothers Beverly
:'''Vince''': He's no William Shakespeare, that's for sure.
:'''Bobby''': He's a genius!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Vince''': All Typhoon has to do is sit up and tag his partner.
:'''Bobby''': You're asking a lot for Typhoon to do a situp.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': ''[on the foam fingers in the audience]'' I remember when I used to walk to the ring, McMahon, and people used to hold up one finger.
:'''Vince''': That was a different kind of salute.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mean Gene''': Alright, this is the SummerSlam you thought you'd never see. And there was an incident out there tonight that I thought I would n... What the hell were you trying to pull?! There was no deal!
:'''Mr. Perfect''': You just be quiet, little man! There was a deal, all right!
:'''Mean Gene''': There was not a deal!
:'''Mr. Perfect''': It was a done deal between Ric Flair and Mr. Perfect. A lot of people might think that other deal didn't go down. Not a chance. That was Plan A, and now, Plan B, little man divot-head, is in full charge. Plan B, champ, tell him the way it is.
:'''Mean Gene''': Oh, come on, this has got to be...
:'''Ric''': I should've had the shot to begin with! Not the Ultimate Warrior! But now, you ask the Warrior what he wants in life! Well, it's gonna be me, and baby, I'm waiting on you! Plan A, maybe that slipped by. But now, we're looking at Plan B! And baby, the way I see it, the two most perfect men alive today are this gentleman and myself!
:'''Mean Gene''': You two men, this is an absolute sham in the World Wrestling Federation!
:'''Mr. Perfect''': Is my bowtie straight, champ?
:'''Ric''': You are a killer, brother. You are a killer! In closing, let me tell the whole world and especially one man something. Savage, that belt is coming back to me!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Sean Mooney''': Davey Boy Smith, you have got to be feeling enormous pressure going into this contest for the Intercontinental Championship. You’ll be stepping into the ring with your brother-in-law. Obviously, this match has torn both sides of the family apart. First of all, your thoughts on the family pressures you are facing now.
:'''British Bulldog''': Well, I’m facing a lot of pressures in the family, Sean. But I didn’t make this match, Jack Tunney made this match. But the British Bulldog has fought hard for two long years to be the #1 contender for the Intercontinental belt. Yes, Bret, you are the Intercontinental Champion. Yes, Bret, you are my brother-in-law. But when I step in the ring with you, Bret, I never met you. I don’t even know you. But at the end of the match, I just hope the families reunite.
:'''Sean''': British Bulldog, that brings me to my second point, one that may even bring even more pressure on you—the fact that you will be stepping out into that stadium in front of 80,000 of your fellow countrymen.
:'''Bulldog''': Sean, that isn’t a pressure. That’s a dream for the British Bulldog. And my second dream is, at the end of the match, the British Bulldog will be the next World Wrestling Federation Intercontinental Champion.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mean Gene''': Well, I’ve got to agree with my broadcast colleague, Sean Mooney. Indeed, there is a great deal of pressure for this Intercontinental title bout. However, the pressure for the champion—you, Bret &quot;The Hitman” Hart—much different than the pressure on the challenger, the British Bulldog. For him to win this coveted title, he must either make you submit or get the pinfall 1-2-3 in the center of the ring. And then, of course, there’s the question of the family pressure.
:'''Bret &quot;Hitman&quot; Hart''': Well, let me tell you something, Gene. As far as family pressure goes, I’ve proven that I work real well under pressure. But you know something that really bugs me, that really irks me, is the British Bulldog actually has the gall to come out here and say that when he steps in the ring with me, that he’s never met me, that he doesn’t know me. Well, let me tell you something, British Bulldog. Take a good look at my face and look me in the eye and tell me you don’t know me. Do you remember that far back, British Bulldog, when I was the one that introduced you to my sister Diana in the first place. And as far as your career in the World Wrestling Federation, I’m the one that helped you the most. You wouldn’t be where you are in the World Wrestling Federation if it wasn’t for me. Talk about gratitude.
:You know, the British Bulldog forgets he’s the one that wanted to challenge me, he’s the one responsible for all the family tension, he’s the one that wanted a shot at the gold. Well, you know something, the British Bulldog...he wanted the big fight? He’s got the big fight. And as far as his big dream...you know what I think of his big dream? This big dream of his of winning the World Wrestling Federation Intercontinental Title in front of 80,000 of his compatriots? Well, you know, I think this big dream of his is gonna turn into a nightmare. And then tomorrow morning when he wakes up, he’s gonna think he woke up in the dungeon of Windsor Castle.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[During the Intercontinental Title match]''
:'''Vince''': Unbelievable intestinal fortitude on the part of both participants. ''[Hart rolls over Bulldog, attempting a...]'' Sunset flip...''[Bulldog kneels over Bret's shoulders, catches both legs, and leans forward as Joey Marella counts]'' Wait a minute...two...that's it!
:'''Bobby''': He beat him! He beat him! Wembley Arena is going nuts! I mean Wembley Stadium! I don't know where I am!
:'''Howard Finkel''': Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this bout...and NEW Intercontinental Champion: The British Bulldog!

== [[w:SummerSlam (1993)|1993]] ==

:'''Bobby &quot;The Brain&quot; Heenan''': Isn't it ironic that the colors of Michigan are yellow?
:'''Vince McMahon''': And blue.
:'''Bobby''': But mostly yellow.
:'''Vince''': They're not yellow, they're gold, Bobby Heenan.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Joe Fowler''': How lucky am I? My very first assignment is SummerSlam. This is bigger than life! Thank you, Vince McMahon, for bringing me on board. We've just seen a title match, we're about to see another one. Shawn Michaels has the Intercontinental belt, he's gonna take on Mr. Perfect. Shawn is here along with his bodyguard Diesel. Shawn, you've won it, you've lost it, you've won it, can you hang onto this thing?
:'''&quot;The Heartbreak Kid&quot; Shawn Michaels''': Now all the questions are gonna be answered—''who'' is the greatest Intercontinental Champion of all time? Is it Mr. Perfect or is it Shawn Michaels? All those answers are gonna come across tonight, and I will prove to everybody—you and all of the world—that Shawn Michaels is the greatest Intercontinental Champ.
:'''Joe''': Now wait a minute, they say that Mr. Perfect caused you to lose it and Diesel won it back for you.
:'''Shawn''': I got news for you. Who's the one that's wearing it? It's Shawn Michaels, so I must've won it. Isn't that right, Diesel?
:'''Diesel''': That's right. The Heartbreak Kid can take care of the work in the ring. Hey, everybody knows the chicks dig this guy—I'm here just to keep 'em off the champ. Let's get outta here, Champ.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Irwin R. Schyster''': Detroit used to be known as the Motor city. Now it's known as the tax cheat city!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Bobby''': ''(On 1-2-3 Kid's first PPV appearance)'' This is a first! This is a first! This is the first time that Kid's been out past eight o'clock!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': ''(To Vince McMahon)'' Wrong, wrong, wrong, tuxedo breath!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
''(1-2-3 Kid hits a single kick as his first move in the match and goes for the pin)''
:'''Vince''': Cover him! It's over! He got him! ''(IRS kicks out)'' No he didn't.
:'''Bobby''': Whaddya mean it's over?!? It's not over!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Vince''': Well, call it what you will, call it luck, call it ability, call it the fact that the 1-2-3 Kid will take high-risks like no one else ever in the WWF, whatever it is, you can call him victorious.
:'''Bobby''': You could call him stupid.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': Ouch! Hit him right on the bicusbid.
:'''Vince''': The what?
:'''Bobby''': The bicusbid. 
:'''Vince''': What do you know about bicusbids?
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Vince''': You're asking and answering your own questions, you really are the Brain, aren't you?
:'''Bobby''': Well, I have to, when I'm with...
:'''Vince''': Yeah right, when you're with what? 
:'''Bobby''': Uh, nothing.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': He hit him so hard he knocked three zits off his cheek!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': Cheating is only cheating when you get caught, and bragging isn't bragging when you can do it.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': Well, I think he shines more, uh, his ability to think for himself without relying on a partner, could be an advantage of, uh, of Mr. IRS, but I would have to say just by watching him and the way I've been watching him and the way you, in the ring right now, I'd have to say that... yeah, the Kid's in trouble.
:'''Vince''': Could you care to repeat that please?
:'''Bobby''': Well... no.
:'''Vince''': I see.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Vince''': ''(On Irwin R. Schyster)'' He doesn't like to be called Irwin, he doesn't like to be called Schyster, what does he like to be called?
:'''Bobby''': R.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': That's Bruce Hart right? Did he ever play a banjo in the movie Deliverance?
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Vince''': (Jerry Lawler has Bret Hart up against the ringpost) We saw Doink earlier ram Bret's leg into the ringpost, now what's Lawler going to do? (Lawler crotches Bret against the post) Oh no!
:'''Bobby''': (High voice) Oh it's going to happen to Bret &quot;The Hitman&quot; Hart.
:'''Vince''': Stop it Bobby Heenan!
&lt;hr width+50%/&gt;
:'''Ludvig Borga''': (giving a video promo after the Bret Hart/Jerry Lawler match): I'm gonna show you all why Lex Lugar is gonna try to win the World Wrestling Federation championship right here in the middle of the American Dream. Well keep on dreaming Lex Lugar, because if this is what you stand up for, if this is what you're proud of, these crumbling buildings, this filth, this pollution, and I bet the Lex Express never stopped here on it's way to SummerSlam. So Lex Lugar, look at this..this building is crumbling like America is crumbling because you American high school dropouts are signing this country away welfare check by welfare check. And you people call this the land of opportunities?! Well, I'm gonna take my opportunity to show all you so-called American wrestlers &amp; Marty Janetty tonight at SummerSlam what Ludvig Borga is all about. 
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Vince''': Harvey Wippleman was instrumental in stealing that urn from the Undertaker.
:'''Bobby''': No no no, he &quot;urned&quot; it!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Vince''': ''(Referring to The Undertaker)'' The man in black!
:'''Bobby''': Yeah, I bet Johnny Cash has a picture of him on his wall.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': ''(On Harvey Wippleman)'' Tell him, Harvey! You tell him Harvey!
:'''Vince''': Tell him what?
:'''Bobby''': Get on his case! Harvey'll knock you out in a minute, you know.
:'''Vince''': Yeah, sure...
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': But that urn owned by Harvey Wippleman!
:'''Vince''': It's owned by The Undertaker, it's in the possession of Harvey Wippleman.
:'''Bobby''': Same thing!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': ''(On Undertaker vs. Giant Gonzalez)'' Take out the silver bullets, the wooden stake, and the garlic! Take him home, Giant!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': Harvey'll knock you out in a minute! ''(Harvey Wippleman charges and is instantly knocked out by Paul Bearer)'' He slipped, he lost his footing.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': ''(On Undertaker)'' He's back to the tomb! He's back to the crypt! He's back to his box of dirt! He's looking at the urn! He's got his power back! He's got Paul Bearer back! There's gonna be trouble for everyone in the World Wrestling Federation!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bobby''': ''(After Yokozuna is knocked out by Lex Luger's forearm and loses to Luger by countout)'' I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! HE IS OUT! HE IS STILL OUT! THE CHAMPION IS OUT! WILL SOMEONE PLEASE HELP HIM? PLEASE HELP HIM! HE IS OUT! HE IS STILL OUT! MY GOD!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Joe''': ''[interviewing Lex Luger in his dressing room where he is joined by Rick and Scott Steiner, Tatanka, and Macho Man Randy Savage after defeating Yokozuna by countout]'' Lex Lugar, the public loves you and obviously your friends of the WWF love you too.
:'''Lex Luger''': It's a great feeling in the locker room, it's a great feeling out there in the ring, a great victory today. And you know, it's an honor and a privilege to wrestle for the World Wrestling Federation title and an honor and privilege to represent my country out there. The atmosphere was.. 
''(Ludvig Borga who earlier defeated Marty Janetty enters Lex's dressing room)''
:'''Borga''': Lex Luger, I'm here in your locker room to tell you that I am NOT impressed with you. And I am not impressed with your friends either and I certainly am not impressed about the country that you stand up for. Now let me tell you something, if you ever step into the ring with Ludvig Borga, I will crush you like America is crumbling piece by piece and I see you as the backbone of America and if you ever step in the ring with me, I will break it.

== [[w:SummerSlam (1994)|1994]] ==

:'''Vince McMahon''': ''[on Alundra Blayze]'' What a competitor. What an athlete.
:'''[[w:Jerry Lawler|Jerry &quot;The King&quot; Lawler]]''': What a face. I've heard of faces that could stop a clock; this face could stop Switzerland.
:'''Vince''': Now wait a minute, if you'll turn this...a battle between a beauty and the beast, considering Bull Nakano's look.
:'''Jerry''': I agree, she's beautiful.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jerry''': ''[regarding the Hart family]'' McMahon, why don't you ask them the hard questions? Why don't you get them to tell the truth? ''[Pointing to Stu and Helen Hart]'' You drove them to this, both of you. You know you did. You brought Owen to this. You kept him down his whole life! You, the entire family! You all did it! The only man...
:'''Vince''': The brothers back there, wait a minute...you'd better watch your mouth!
:'''Jerry''': The entire family has drove Owen to this! I wanna say a word to this man over here though. Here's the only man I want to welcome to the United Center because this is the man who, two years ago at SummerSlam, went head-to-head, face-to-face against Bret Hart. Are you having...are you having any flashbacks? Wouldn't you love to be in there against him tonight?
:'''British Bulldog''': Uh, not really because I know what kind of condition Bret's in, and he's in the best condition of his life right now. The family feud started in 1992 at SummerSlam, but in 1994 tonight at the United Center, the family feud is hopefully going to end in this 15-foot-high steel cage.
:'''Jerry''': It's gonna end, all right. And I don't think any of you are gonna like the way it's ending.
:'''Vince''': Why don't you ask some of the brothers back here. Ask Bruce, he's right there behind Davey...''[noticing behind Bruce]'' oh wait a minute. Wait just a minute. Jim &quot;The Anvil&quot; Neidhart. Jim &quot;The Anvil&quot; Neidhart, your thoughts on this steel cage. And you, you sitting here among all the other family members. How do they feel about you sitting here among them?
:'''Jim &quot;The Anvil&quot; Neidhart''': Well, you know...you know, it's all in the family. But I...I think everyone's gonna really see who the really...who the best Hart is of all, who's the best. And everyone's gonna see that Owen Hart is gonna be the next World Heavyweight Champion.
:'''Jerry''': He's the King of Harts already!
:'''Jim''': He's the King of Harts, and he's the best Hart of all! He's the best wrestler! And you know something? I think that Stu Hart did drive Owen to this greatness!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Bret &quot;Hitman&quot; Hart''': I'm going in this match with one thing in mind. First of all, this World Wrestling Federation Championship belt isn't going anywhere. It's going right back over my shoulder back in the dressing room because I'm gonna prove that I ''am'' better than Owen, I was always better than Owen. And you know, Owen, I want you to understand something. I don't hate you. I don't hate your guts, I never, ever did. I never got into this thing thinking or believing that I hated your guts, 'cause I don't. The problem with you is you, it's in your head and it's in your heart. Jealousy is a horrible thing, it's a ugly thing [''sic''] that's a...
:You know, Neidhart, that might be a different story. Maybe I might just go that far and say I hate ''his'' guts, 'cause I believe right inside my heart that it was Jim Neidhart, right from the start, that started ''all'' this stuff. He's the one that planted the seeds of jealousy in Owen in the first place. Owen, I don't hate you, I just feel kinda sorry for you. And in this match, brother against brother, Cain and Abel, whatever you want to call it, it...it breaks ''my'' heart to think that it's come this far, that two brothers are gonna be in the most...this is barbaric. This has nothing to do with what we grew up with, believing in wrestling, exchanging holds and all this. This has gone way beyond that; this is out of the Dungeon now. This is a dogfight, this is something...this is liked caged animals, and it's something I'm not very proud of. But the fact is, it has to stop.
:You know, you people don't understand. I've got my mother coming up to me with tears in her eyes and begging me to see this thing end, my father wants to see it end, everybody wants to see it end. And I've tried to end it, I've tried to find someplace to stop it, and there's no place you can end it. But now, I see this is it, it's gonna be a ugly fight [''sic''], it's gonna be a dogfight, and there's gonna be one winner and one loser. And I'm not gonna lose this thing, Owen. I'm going in there with every single thing I got, and I'm gonna beat you, brother. And I just hope, after it's all said and done, that you can live with it.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Vince''': Bret Hart trying to finish this thing once and for all with his baby brother Owen.
:'''Jerry''': See, listen to you calling him a baby.
:'''Vince''': ''Youngest'' brother, he was the baby of the family.
:...
:'''Jerry''': Why do you feel like you have to refer to the WWF Champion as a baby?
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Owen Hart''': My whole family?! What the hell was all that! They're not my flesh and blood! They turned their backs on me! The only one they ever cared about was Bret! I ought to be the winner! I don't know what the hell the British Bulldog is doing! He's not ''my'' brother! He's not ''my'' family, jumping in there and interfering! Bulldog, you stay out of it! Bret, I had you beat.

== [[w:SummerSlam (1995)|1995]] ==

:'''[[w:Michael Hayes (wrestler)|Dok Hendrix]]''': I'm standing here with what is fixin' to be the future WWF Champion. And now, come on, King Mabel. You gave me the first scoop, you've been involving me plan after plan. Come on, tell me, tell me, what's the final plan? Gotta know, gotta know, come on, come on.
:'''King Mabel''': Dok, you, just like everybody else around the world, are just gonna have to wait until it unfolds. Big Daddy Cool, what's the old saying? Fool me once, shame on me; fool me twice; shame on you; but three times? What's your story, Big Daddy Fool? You think the thing with the British Bulldog was the big one?
:'''Dok''': Yeah!
:'''Mabel''': Uh-uh. It's tonight, and you will see. Long live the king.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jerry &quot;The King&quot; Lawler''': Can you imagine poor Hunter Hearst-Helmsley is gonna have to be soiled by this grease monkey with those filthy, greasy fingernails of his, Bob &quot;Spark Plug&quot; Holly. Look at the look on Hunter's face. Oh, this has gotta be...oh, I can't even imagine it myself.
:'''Vince McMahon''': This is degrading for Hunter Hearst-Helmsley?
:'''Jerry''': Without a doubt. 
:'''Vince''': Please.
:'''Jerry''': I mean, that's just two complete opposite worlds. You're looking at the kind of guy over there, in Bob &quot;Spark Plug&quot; Holly, that would spend his honeymoon at a monster truck rally or something, and then you've got a man over here who...his idea of a fast food restaurant would be someplace that could serve Kentucky-fried quail or pheasant under glass.
:'''Vince''': &quot;Kentucky-fried quail.&quot;
:'''Jerry''': Yeah.
:'''Vince''': I see.
:'''Jerry''': Or squab. You ever heard of that?
:'''Vince''': Squab?
:'''Jerry''': Yeah. That's the kind of things Hunter Hearst-Helmsley would eat.
:'''Vince''': Sounds like a detergent. Squab?
:'''Jerry''': You sure you're not from Alabama, like Bob there?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Sunny''': We're back! I'm sure everybody will agree that we were cheated once. And then guess what. We were cheated twice. But tonight, I promise you that third time's the charm for the Body Donnas. And Mr. Barry Horriblewitz will regret ever stepping up to the Body Donnas, and that's a promise. We plan on showing everyone, we plan on teaching Barry Horriblewitz, that good-for-nothing, out-of-shape, natural born loser, a lesson that he and all of you will never soon forget.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Earl Hebner''': ''[to Sunny after she threw in the towel]'' Hey, this is not boxing! This is wrestling! YOU GET OUT!!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jerry''': ''[on Barry Horowitz]'' I knew something was up when I looked at his name, and beside his name in the program, it said, &quot;yeah, right.&quot;
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jerry''': You've heard of ''Buns of Steel''? I think Bertha Faye's got buns of cinnamon.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jerry''': ''[on [[w:Kane (wrestler)|Isaac Yankem, DDS]]]'' This man has been a great wrestler in the past under an assumed name.
:'''Vince''': What was his assumed name?
:'''Jerry''': I'm not gonna tell you that. He doesn't want them to know. He only wants everybody to know him by his name, and it's ''Yan''kem, not ''Yank''em.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Dok''': Come on, Shawn.
:'''Vince''': You're rooting for Shawn to win?
:'''Dok''': No, I don't care.
:...
:'''Dok''': Come on, Razor.
:'''Vince''': You just said, &quot;come on, Shawn,&quot; earlier.
:'''Dok''': I know. See? I'm very objective.

== [[w:SummerSlam (1996)|1996]] ==

:'''Vince McMahon''': Owen Hart, to a certain extent, following in the footsteps of his older brother, Bret &quot;The Hitman&quot; Hart.
:'''Mr. Perfect''': Do you have to mention his name at SummerSlam around me, McMahon?
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mankind''': There's no place like home, Todd, there's no place like home. For knowledge and discipline, there is no place like home. But as much as I love... ''[licks the side of a boiler]'' ...every square inch within these hallowed halls, it's time to leave, because destiny awaits on the other side. 
:'''Jim Ross''': Was he licking that thing?
:'''Mankind''': But as for you, Dead Man, take this simple warning: do not come in here, because outside the walls awaits you a fate worse than death, and a possible course of events that could alter the future of all mankind! Have a nice day!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mr. Perfect''': Look at Sunny. She looks great, doesn't she?
:'''Jim''': Oh, yeah, just ask her how good she looks, she'll tell ya.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Vince''': ''[on Phineas Godwinn and Zip]'' Here we go, criss-cross action. Where's she gonna stop? ''[Zip stops...]'' Right about there, maybe...''[Phineas and Zip rush to the Smoking Gunns' corner and tag both of them]'' Well, how about that?! 
:'''Jim''': There you go!
:''[They strut back, hug briefly, and go to their respective corners]''
:'''Vince''': Tagged both Gunns in! Look at that!
:'''Mr. Perfect''': Now wait a minute, they're not gonna wrestle each other.
:'''Jim''': They have to, they have no choice.
:'''Mr. Perfect''': No, they got...they gotta have something.
:'''Jim''': They gotta make contact, that's the rules, Perfect.
:'''Vince''': That's right, Billy now must wrestle Bart.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Sunny''': I want everybody to take a real good look right now at the winners and ''still'' World Wrestling Federation Tag Team Champions, and that's the way they're gonna stay! Now before we go and have our victory party, I want all you women to look at the Smoking Gunns, at what real men are supposed to look like. And boys, take a good look at the woman next to you—the fat, the cellulite, how out of shape they are right now. And as I look around here, this place is looking really sorry, so my generous gift to you—to make this building look a whole lot better. Hit it, boys!
:''[A giant pinup of Sunny unravels above the ring]''
:'''Vince''': Unbelievable!
:'''Sunny''':  Don't I look incredible?! Mwah!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jim''': I don't think the fans here miss Cornette. He's about as popular here as Art Modell.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jim Cornette''': I don't care if there's 50,000 stinking people out there, it's gonna make no difference! Shawn Michaels, we've proved a lot of things. We proved that Vader can pin you for a three-count, 'cause he did it last month. We proved that he can beat you up, 'cause he did it on ''Raw''. And now tonight at SummerSlam, we're gonna prove that Vader's gonna beat you when it counts, and that's for the World Wrestling Federation Title. I promised last month that Camp Cornette would win, I promise it tonight that Vader is gonna beat Shawn Michaels. Shawn, when he grabs you around the neck and you try to talk, dude, your voice is gonna sound like Peter Frampton's electronic kazoo in the instrumental break of &quot;Do You Feel Like We Do&quot;, and it's gonna be a bad ride from there! Because one way or another, we're gonna come out on top tonight. Vader's beaten Shawn Michaels once and for all!

== [[w:SummerSlam (1997)|1997]] ==
:''[official promo, with the narrator referring to specific people as they appear]''
:'''Voiceover''': In a perfect world, there would be no villains, no conspicuous manifestations of hate. Athletic excellence would be applauded, sportsmanship would be the rule, our heroes would remain heroes forever.&lt;/br&gt; If life were fair, then this legend ''[Bret Hart]'' would be lauded in his pursuit of a historic fifth World Wrestling Federation championship - instead, he's a fallen idol, America's Public Enemy No 1. The respect abandoned, bludgeoned, and spat upon by a society he feels condones defiance, and perpetuates hate. If life were fair, then this mighty champion ''[Undertaker]'', this survivor of deception and conqueror of earthly hells would surely revel in the championship spotlight. The bright lights wouldn't singe his aura, illuminating a dark, horrifying secret from his distant past. And if life were fair, then this man ''[Shawn Michaels]'' might still be champion. Dancing, flying, showcasing his extraordinary talents to legions of fans. He wouldn't be an athlete betrayed by an unwilling knee, a man surrendering a boyhood dream for a lost smile of youth. &lt;/br&gt; Is it fair that tonight, even in victory, this champion ''[Undertaker]'' would be haunted by personal demons whose voices cry out from the dark? Is it fair that tonight, this man ''[Bret]'' may rewrite history yet still incur the wrath of a hostile and unappreciative nation? And is it fair that tonight's special referee ''[Shawn]'' is a despised enemy of the challenger? Will vengeance flow ruinous from his biased heart, ensuring that tonight will be the last night Bret Hart ever wrestles in this country again?&lt;/br&gt; Life isn't fair... but who ever said it would be?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Vince McMahon''': Mankind, better known...well, not ''better'' known as, but certainly known as Mick Foley, grew up not all that far, grew up here in the tri-state area out on Long Island.
:'''Jerry &quot;The King&quot; Lawler''': Well, that explains what's wrong with him.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Ken Shamrock''': GET OUTTA MY WAY!!!
:...
:'''Vince''': Ken Shamrock. Although one cannot applaud the actions of Ken Shamrock, you certainly can't applaud what set this volcano off.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jim Ross''': Miguel Perez, whose father wrestled in the '50s and '60s, a great tag team competitor in the WWF. Partners with the late Antonino Rocca.
:'''Vince''': And following in his dad's footsteps, a tremendous competitor.
:'''Jim''': King, did you ever wrestle Antonino Rocca in the early '60s?
:'''Vince''': Stop this.
:'''Jerry''': Who?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jerry''': Four guys with bad attitudes. You know, the show ''America's Most Wanted'' was based on DOA.
:'''Jim''': I don't think John Walsh has ever spoke with the DOA, at least on a first-person basis.
:...
:'''Jerry''': You trying to tell me Crush has never been in trouble with the law? Huh? Shoot, his family portrait is a courtroom sketch.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Michael Cole''': Mr. Austin. Mr. Austin. Stone Cold. I need a quick word with you before the match.
:'''Stone Cold Steve Austin''': Yeah I got a quick word for you. Get out of here!
:'''Michael''': Mr. Austin, are you prepared? Are you prepared to put your reputation on the line tonight? You would have to kiss Owen's backside if you lose in front of all these people 20,000 people. A million people out there on pay per view. Mr. Austin, are you ready?
:'''Austin''': You're fixing to kiss my ass if you don't get your little ass out of my face. You got that? You and your stupid little bow tie. You don't impress me none, you little piece of trash!
:'''Vince''': Uh, Michael perhaps a little overzealous there. He doesn't know Stone Cold all that well.
:'''Jerry''': A man of few words, but one of them is a-double-s.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Vince''': What's gonna happen in the next match-up? Shawn Michaels cares about his own career, and obviously also cares, in a negative way, as it relates to the Hitman, Bret Hart. What sort of emotion is Shawn Michaels feeling as the guest referee?
:'''Jerry''': Are you kidding me? Shawn Michaels's ego is so big that it's got its own ZIP code, McMahon. All he cares about is what his hair looks like out here tonight. And you know what? Speaking of the Undertaker, Shawn Michaels...I mean, he's so full of himself, when he goes to a funeral, he's upset because he's not the corpse. He wants to be the center of attention, and tonight, some kind of way, he will manage to be the center of attention in this match.
:'''Vince''': And the Hitman Bret Hart said he didn't mean it literally, he meant it figuratively when he stated he would never wrestle again in the United States if he didn't win the WWF Championship. I'm sure he is regretting that comment.
:'''Jim''': Well, it's officially in the contract, so it is a done deal. If Bret Hart doesn't leave this arena, ladies and gentlemen, tonight here at SummerSlam with the WWF Championship, Bret...this will be Bret Hart's last match ever in the United States.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Bret &quot;Hitman&quot; Hart''': I'd like everybody to stand back and listen to the Canadian national anthem, and I just want to dedicate this match to all my fellow Canadians, to all my fans all over the world that feel the same way as I do about America and Americans. This is for you.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jim''': Now all the other WWF referees are gonna want pyro.
:'''Vince''': Music, pyro, yeah.
:'''Jerry''': Earl Hebner would look good in front of a Roman candle.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Shawn confronts Bret with the chair]''
:'''Vince''': Shawn Michaels with that chair that Bret tried to throw out of the ring. ''[Shawn pulls him off of the Undertaker]'' Maybe Michaels has had enough. Michaels was on the outside and did not see...
:''[Bret spits in Shawn's face]''
:'''Jerry''': Uh-oh!
:''[Shawn tries to hit Bret with the chair, but Bret ducks and Shawn hits the Undertaker instead]''
:'''Jim''': Good God! Good God!
:''[Bret covers Undertaker and waves Shawn over to count. Shawn counts to three and leaves.]''
:'''Vince''': I can't believe this.
:''[Undertaker leaves the ring]''
:'''Jim''': This is horrible.
:'''Vince''': And the Undertaker is going after Shawn Michaels.
:'''Howard Finkel''': The winner of this bout and NEW World Wrestling Federation Champion: Bret &quot;Hitman&quot; Hart!
:'''Vince''': The impossible has happened at this year's SummerSlam; and the Undertaker, with one last glance back at Bret Hart, as Bret Hart kisses the gold. And Bret Hart, somehow, is once again WWF Champion.
:'''Jim''': Bret Hart now immersing himself in the Maple Leaf. There's gotta be jubilation in Canada, perhaps jubilation in the United Kingdom and Germany, but there is no joy in East Rutherford, New Jersey, tonight.
:'''Vince''': We would like to take you back and show you how this happened.
:'''Jim''': This is shocking.
:'''Vince''': ''[off replay]'' Alright, here Shawn picked up the chair.
:'''Jerry''': He busted the Undertaker's brains out, but right now he's realizing if he don't count, he's gone too.
:'''Jim''': I don't understand that.
:'''Jerry''': What's not to understand?
:'''Vince''': And now Bret Hart being joined by all the other Hart Foundation members. Bret Hart, with the Maple Leaf draped around his neck, the flag of Canada, and the WWF Championship back around his waist for the fifth time, and it happened here in America.

== [[w:SummerSlam (1998)|1998]] ==

:'''Val Venis''': Hello ladies!
:'''Jerry &quot;The King&quot; Lawler''': Are there any ''ladies'' in New York City?
:'''Jim Ross''': Of course there are.
:'''Jerry''': Of the night.
:'''Venis''': So the Big Valbowski has arrived to the Big Apple. Well, you know something? I came, I saw...and I came again.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jerry''': Is D'Lo ''from'' Europe?
:'''Jim''': No, he's not, he's from Jersey.
:'''Jerry''': Jersey?
:'''Jim''': Right hand by D'Lo Brown.
:'''Jerry''': I think it's Lisbon or Munich.
:'''Jim''': Or Hoboken.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jerry''': The Rock's swinging that ladder just like Mark McGwire's swinging a baseball bat.
:'''Jim''': Why don't we ever talk about Sammy Sosa? Never mind.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jim''': No WWF Champion has ever entered Madison Square Garden with that kind of ovation! I challenge you, I challenge you to research that, King! I literally felt this building shake!
:'''Jerry''': Okay, I'll give you that. Every single soul is on their feet with anticipation! They love Stone Cold Steve Austin. But a lot of them love the Undertaker too. This is truly gonna be the collision on the highway to Hell.

== [[w:SummerSlam (1999)|1999]] ==

:'''Jim Ross''': The Rock just put Billy Gunn's face in that large woman's ass!

== [[w:SummerSlam (2002)|2002]] ==
:'''Jim Ross''': ''(After Triple H strikes Shawn Michaels twice with his sledgehammer after their match)'' I refuse to believe what I see, I refuse to believe that after the most courageous victory that many of us had ever seen, that son of a bitch used that hammer on Shawn, he's hit him twice with that sledgehammer! ''(Triple H performs a crotch chop to the incapacitated Michaels before leaving)'' My god almighty, Triple H is gonna rot.
:'''Jerry &quot;The King&quot; Lawler''': Hurry, hurry, get the....
:'''Jim''': He's gonna rot in hell for what he did here tonight. ''(EMT's attend to Michaels as Triple H smirks)'' This just makes me sick.
:'''Jerry''': Are you proud of yourself now?! Look at him! Look at that stinkin' smile on his face!
:'''Jim''': How in god's name can that human being be from this planet? How can he, does he have no conscience? Does he have no heart?! Do you have no soul?! You son of a bitch! Do you realize what you've just done?!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Michael Cole''': ''(after Brock Lesnar wins the WWE Undisputed Championship)'' &quot;The Next Big Thing&quot; has arrived!

== [[w:SummerSlam (2006)|2006]] ==
:'''Nature Boy Ric Flair''': ''(when the referee declares Mick Foley unable to continue in their I Quit match)'' This isn't a &quot;lay down on your ass&quot; match, it's an I Quit match!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Flair''': ''(shouting at Melina while grinding a barbed wired baseball bat into Mick Foley's eye)'' I'll kill you too, you stupid bitch!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Flair''': ''(after Melina throws in the towel to save Mick Foley from any more punishment from Flair)'' She... ''She'' does not quit for him. He quits!

== [[w:SummerSlam (2009)|2009]] ==
:'''Josh Mathews''': Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome my guest at this time, CM Punk. Punk, tonight, you have an opportunity to become the World Heavyweight Champion once again. What are your thoughts going into this Tables, Ladders &amp; Chairs match with Jeff Hardy?
:'''CM Punk''': I would love to talk to you about that right now, Josh, but there's something else I want to bring up, and that's this. ''(Holds up a screenplay entitled &quot;Live For The Moment: The Jeff Hardy Story&quot;)'' I had a friend at a fancy Hollywood agency the other day, and he ran across this little gem. Somebody actually took the time to write a screenplay about the Jeff Hardy story. So I was paging through it, and lo and behold, it culminates, of course, with Jeff conquering his demons and beating me here tonight in a TLC match at SummerSlam. What a great feelgood story, Josh, all except, of course, for the ending, which is not reality-based. It's fake, it's phony, just like everybody who lives in [[w:Los Angeles|this town]]. I'd go as far as to say that ''I'm'' the only real person in this building right now. I wish I could say it's a Los Angeles epidemic, but the fact is it's worldwide. You have people that falsely idolize what they see in movies and on television; you have housewives in Iowa that subscribe to ''U.S. Weekly'', ''US Weekly'', or whatever it's called, so they can model their hair after Kate Gosselin, instead of helping their own children with their homework; you have little kids all over the world, millions of them, who idolize the &quot;hip, cool star&quot;, and it doesn't matter if that hip cool star is some dork vampire in ''Twilight'', or if it's Jeff Hardy. It doesn't matter if that hip cool star has a reprehensible, reckless lifestyle. You know, it doesn't matter if the collective intelligence of this entire country continues to spiral downward, day in and day out. It doesn't matter as long as it's ''cool'', right? You know why they don't make movies about a guy like me? It's cause I don't support your poisoned society. I don't support this...this den of iniquity known as Hollywood. No, instead, I'm dismissed as being preachy, except I'm not preachy—I never have been. I just tell the truth. You know, I'm not a screenwriter either, but tonight I think I'll take a stab at it. Tonight I'm gonna rewrite the ending of &quot;The Jeff Hardy Story&quot;. It's gonna be horrifying. It's gonna be very, very graphic. It might be hard to watch for a lot of people, but it will have a happy ending: ''new'' World Heavyweight Champion—CM Punk. ''[He drops the screenplay and walks away]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Todd Grisham:''' NO! [After Jeff Hardy delivers a Swanton Bomb to CM Punk off a ladder] OH MY GOD I DON'T BELIEVE WHAT I JUST SAW!

== [[w:SummerSlam (2010)|2010]] ==
:'''[[w:Mike Mizanin|The Miz]]''': So I guess the question is: should I join team WWE or not? Hm… it’s a good question. What do you think? Do you all think that I should join team WWE? ''(crowd cheers)'' Well it’s a good thing I could care less about what you people think. Because the opinion in the locker room is that I am the missing link. I’m the missing puzzle piece, I’m the missing link in the chain that will lead team WWE to victory. You all saw it. Last Monday night on ''Raw'' Bret Hart and John Cena both asked me to be on team WWE. But what you didn’t see is what happened earlier today when I arrived at Staples Center. John Cena came up to me and he admitted that he’s been wrong about what he has been saying about the Miz. John Cena got down on his knees and begged me to be a part of team WWE, saying without me they can’t do it. John Cena literally said I’m the only superstar that can see him. Bret “The Hitman” Hart, a Hall of Famer, said I was the real Excellence of Execution, that I am the best there is, was and ever will be. Chris Jericho gave me his band CD Fozzy and I graciously accepted it but then threw it in the trash… My former Tag Team partner John Morrison finally said he is the Marty Jannetty of our former tag team and I am the Shawn Michaels, only better. Edge gave me a year’s supply of Slim Jims, R-Truth wrote me a crappy rap… As you can see everyone has admitted that they needed me on team WWE, except ALL OF YOU. ''(crowd boos)'' The WWE Universe needs to realize I am the fastest rising star, that I am WWE's new hope -no I am WWE's only hope. ''(crowd boos)'' I am the future. You get me people? I AM THE FUTURE, this face, I am the United States Champion, I’m a future WWE Champion. You people need to realize that. But I guess we need to get to the big decision. What’s it gonna be Miz? This decision is bigger than the Pepsi Challenge, it’s bigger than Arnold Schwarzenegger starring in Terminator 5, it is bigger (laughs) than the LeBron James spectacle on ESPN – which will ultimately lead to the Lakers losing the NBA Championship. ''(crowd boos)''  The question is: am I going to join team WWE? The answer is … yes. I will join team WWE and I will lead them to victory. The WWE Universe will not be talking they will not be buzzing about the Nexus… no, they won’t be looking up to their hero John Cena, no, you will be saying, you will be admitting to what I’ve been saying all along: that I am the Miz, and I’m… -no, no, no, no, no. You don’t get to do my catchphrase.  If any of you have anything to say to me, you raise your hand and you wait, you wait to be called upon. Until then I want absolute silence. ''(crowd boos)'' … Because I’m the Miz and I’M AWESOME!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Michael Cole''': ''[as the Miz enters]'' Yes, the man I believe is going to be the key to Team WWE.
:'''John Cena''': Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold it, hold up. Wait a second. Miz, I got news for you: you're way, way, way too late. We realize how important this match is to WWE and we couldn't rely on somebody who was gonna make their decision the day ''of'' SummerSlam. So we all have gone out and found a seventh member of Team WWE. It's not you. As a matter of fact, it's somebody that hates the Nexus just as much as all of us. The seventh member of Team WWE is Daniel Bryan.
:'''Michael''': What?
:'''Jerry''': Daniel Bryan?
:'''Michael''': ''[as Bryan walks down the aisle]'' You've gotta be kidding me! 
:'''Jerry''': It ''is'' Daniel Bryan!
:'''Michael''': This is ridiculous! This is a huge mistake! Daniel Bryan was the Miz's rookie on NXT, and now he's part of Team WWE! And here we go!
:''[Team WWE charges into the ring]''
:'''Matt Striker''': Here we go! The American Dragon has arrived at SummerSlam!

== [[w:SummerSlam (2011)|2011]] ==

:'''The Miz''': Ladies and gentlemen, back by popular demand, the most must-see WWE Champion of ALL TIME, the Miz has returned to SummerSlam! I just wanna take this time to thank each and every one of you for your insistence that I compete tonight and for your unwavering support. So now I want you to sit back and relax and watch as I steal the show like only I can because...
:''[Interrupted by R-Truth's single entry quote as he comes down the aisle]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Now that was pretty rude.
:'''R-Truth''': Yo, Miz! I don't know why you wanna thank these people here in Los Angeles. You know how I hate spiders, Miz? You see, spiders start with the letter S... ''[Audience yells &quot;WHAT?!&quot;]''...just like SummerSlam starts with the letter S. ''[WHAT?!]'' Don't &quot;what&quot; me! ''[What?!]'' And singing at SummerSlam is Cee-Lo Green. ''[WHAT?!]'' You know what else starts with the letter C? ''[WHAT?!]'' Conspiracy. You see what I mean?! ''[WHAT?!]'' Next time y'all &quot;what&quot; me...
:''[Interrupted by Alberto Del Rio's music, who drives in in a [[w:Ferrari California|Ferrari California]]]''
:'''Jerry &quot;The King&quot; Lawler''': This is SummerSlam, I thought we were on ''Sesame Street'' there for a minute.
:'''Booker T''': Wow, just in time.
:'''Michael''': You're on a street paved with gold now.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''John Laurinaitis''': I want you to tell me directly that that kick was accidental, 'cause I will not allow you to impugn my integrity or challenge my authority as Executive Vice President of Talent Relations. So I want a public apology for what happened last Monday night right now.
:'''CM Punk''': ''[mockingly]'' I'm sorry. Please forgive me and humbly accept my apology, Mr. John Laurinaitis, Senior Executive of Talent Relations...
:'''Laurinaitis''': Executive Vice President.
:'''CM Punk''': Executive Vice President of Talent Relations. I'm sorry.
:''[He makes a few faces and Laurinaitis walks away. He turns around to find Stephanie McMahon]''
:'''Stephanie McMahon''': I just came to wish you luck tonight.
:'''CM Punk''': ''[looking over his shoulders]'' You came here to wish ''me'' luck?
:'''Stephanie''': I did.
:'''CM Punk''': I find that hard to believe. Why don't you go run along and talk to your husband, the new COO of WWE; or you know, better yet, why don't you go wish your daddy luck? I mean, I know he doesn't run day-to-day operations around here anymore—thank God!—but I know he's still chairman of the board.
:'''Stephanie''': Well, I actually did speak to both my husband and my father and, believe it or not, they both wish you luck too, as well as John Cena. But what would I know? I'm just Vince McMahon's clueless daughter, right?
:'''CM Punk''': Yeah, more or less, you're pretty clueless, but I didn't say it, you did. I called you idiotic.
:'''Stephanie''': ''[shrugging and extending her hand]'' Good luck.
:'''CM Punk''': I would, but I know where that hand's been.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''R-Truth''': There's no way we shoulda lost that. It's a C-O-N...what do you think about this, Jimmy Hart? What do you think?
:'''Jimmy Hart''': You know, Truth, I've been watching you. You know, you need somebody to take you to the top because...you're good, but you need somebody to take you to the top. Look what I've done—I've managed the Honky Tonk Man, I've had Money Inc., I've had the Hart Foundation. You need somebody to watch your back and, like I said again, take you to the top. You need somebody to watch over you to make sure you don't get got by the conspiracy. You need someone like me. You need me because you got think big. You gotta think big in this business.
:'''R-Truth''': You make a lot of sense, Jimmy. A lot of sense. It's a big world, it's a big business. You ''gotta'' think big. Everything's big. I had it wrong all along. Think big and not little, Jimmy.
:'''Jimmy''': Not little.
:'''R-Truth''': Little Jimmy? You Little Jimmy?
:'''Jimmy''': ''[scared]'' I'm not Little Jimmy.
:'''R-Truth''': You smell like Little Jimmy!
:'''Jimmy''': I don't smell...I'm not Little Jimmy!
:'''R-Truth''': You talkin' 'bout Little Jimmy?!
:'''Jimmy''': No, no, I wasn't. I wasn't.
:'''R-Truth''': Where's Little Jimmy at?!
:'''Jimmy''': ''[running away]'' I don't know where Little Jimmy is!
:'''R-Truth''': Every time I turn around, Little Jimmy! Little Jimmy's conspiracies everywhere! Getting tired of this. ''[Turns to his right]'' What y'all lookin' at?!
:''[He walks away as the camera turns to show Ron Artest and his daughter Diamond]''
:'''Diamond Artest''': ''[to Ron]'' And they say ''you'' need counseling?
:'''Ron Artest''': It's okay.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jerry''': ''[on Daniel Bryan]'' I like the beard on him, I like the new look on Daniel Bryan...
:'''Michael''': You know how long it took him to grow that beard? About two months! Actually, I believe he hasn't even shaved yet. Like, forever.
:'''Jerry''': What is Daniel Bryan gonna have to do to make a believer out of you? Is there anything possible he can do to make you a Daniel Bryan fan? What?
:'''Michael''': Yeah, quit.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Edge''': As most of you probably know, ''[to Christian]'' as you know, ''[to random fans]'' as you know, as you know, heck, as you know, the WWE doctors...the WWE have told me that I'll never physically be cleared to compete here ever again. ''[Audience boos]'' Trust me, I booed too, okay? It was a bitter pill to swallow. But you know what? When I left, I was actually happy. I was happy. Here's the thing. Because I felt that I was part of passing the torch to Christian. I felt like...like maybe I opened the door a crack for you and you kicked it wide open and I was so proud of you. You finally became the World Heavyweight Champion and no one deserved it more than you. Hey, hear me out. Here's the thing. I thought it was unfair that Teddy Long made you defend the Championship five days after a ladder match. We both agreed on that. You didn't think it was fair, I didn't think it was fair. And then you came and you complained about it the next week, and the week after that, and the week after that, and the week after that, the week after that, the week after that, the week after that, so on, and so on, and so on, and so on, and so on. You whined, you moaned, you asked for opportunity after opportunity, rematch after rematch, and you got it. You won back the World Heavyweight Championship—two-time World Heavyweight Champion. But you did it by disqualification? I mean, trust me, I did some horrible things in here, some really heinous things, but I always did it with style. I always did it with some panache. I wasn't boring. I didn't hide behind lawyers, I didn't hide behind suits and clipboards. Somewhere along the line, Christian, you became a disgrace to yourself. You're better than that, you know it. And I love ya. 'Til the day I die, you will be my best friend, that's never gonna change, but you need to hear this from me 'cause you're not gonna listen to it from anybody else—I didn't know my best friend would become a whining, crying, moaning little bitch.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Michael''': Talking to one vet earlier on today when he...well, he compared Triple H as the COO and as the referee of this match-up akin to a police officer making an arrest, and then that same police officer also being the judge in the same case. A little conflict of interest perhaps, that's how many people view this.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Michael''': ''[as CM Punk celebrates his win, becoming undisputed WWE Champion]'' What a SummerSlam, ladies and gentlemen, here tonight in Los Angeles. What a SummerSlam. ''[Punk turns around to find Kevin Nash, who clotheslines him] Wait a minute, oh my God! Who the hell?! Who the hell is that?!
:'''Booker T''': What the hell?
:'''Michael''': Kevin Nash! That's Kevin Nash!
:''[Triple H walks back to the ring shocked]''
:'''Booker T''': You got to be kidding! That's my big homey!
:'''Michael''': What is he doing here?! ''[Nash powerbombs Punk]'' Oh my God, the Jackknife Powerbomb! ''[Nash leaves through the audience as Triple H looks on in bewilderment. Meanwhile, Del Rio walks down with a referee and the briefcase]'' Oh my lo...OH MY GOD, Alberto Del Rio, Mr. Money in the Bank...
:'''Booker T''': Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh, my goodness.
:'''Michael''': ...with a referee in tow!
:'''Booker T''': Timing is everything!
:''[Del Rio hands the briefcase to the referee, who orders the impromptu match to begin]''
:'''Michael''': Del Rio! Del Rio with the Money in the Bank contract! He's cashing it in!
:'''Jerry''': ''[the bell rings]'' Alberto Del Rio cashing in his Money in the Bank contract!
:'''Michael''': CM Punk...
:'''Booker T''': I don't believe this.
:'''Michael''': ...taken out by Nash! ''[Del Rio kicks Punk in the head]'' Del Rio, kick to the back of the head! The cover! ''[The ref counts to three]'' Oh, my lord! Del Rio's Champion! Del Rio's Champion!
:'''Justin Roberts''': The winner of this match and NEW WWE Champion: Alberto Del Rio!
:'''Jerry''': ''[as Del Rio celebrates, being handed the title]'' This is absolutely unbelievable! What a turn of events!
:'''Michael''': Pandemomium at SummerSlam!
:'''Booker T''': What this is, guys, this is destiny tonight for Alberto Del Rio!
:'''Jerry''': But what was Kevin Nash doing here?!
:'''Michael''': Triple H trying to figure out...trying to make sense of everything that has happened here.
:'''Jerry''': As ''we'' are. This is total chaos. I think that Alberto Del Rio is now the undisputed WWE Champion.
:'''Michael''': He is! He is!
:'''Booker T''': Did you say &quot;think&quot;? Alberto Del Rio is the new WWE Champion here tonight at SummerSlam! He cashed it in!
:'''Michael''': Triple H has no idea what's happened. Del Rio cashed in his Money in the Bank contract...
:'''Jerry''': But he did it after CM Punk was laid out by Kevin Nash, who had...what the hell was he doing here?! Well, there's our undisputed Champion, Alberto Del Rio! What just happened?!

== [[w:SummerSlam (2012)|2012]] ==

:'''Jerry &quot;The King&quot; Lawler''': ''[on the &quot;YES!&quot; chants]'' The chants are really getting to Daniel Bryan.
:'''Michael Cole''': I'm gonna point out what I've been saying all along. This is extremely unfair for Daniel Bryan. The crowd's distracting him.
:'''Jerry''': You just really can't make up your mind, can you? You're indecisive. I remember when you couldn't stand Daniel Bryan; now you're at the top of his fan club.
:'''Michael''': Well, he's won me over.
:'''Jerry''': I heard you've got a seven-year-old son you haven't named yet. Come on, make up your mind about things, Cole.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Michael''': ''[after Triple H had tapped out to Brock Lesnar]'' You have to wonder if this is the end for Triple H.
:''[Triple H can't find the words and walks back]''
:'''Jerry''': Wow, I think he just said goodbye.

== [[w:SummerSlam (2013)|2013]] ==

:'''Damien Sandow''': Throughout literary history, there have been several prolific pairings. Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson; to dumb it down for all of you halfwits, Batman and Robin. Each duo had something in common—there was a leader and an inferior sidekick or lackey. Cody Rhodes was my sidekick, and tonight I send him back from whence he came, from his family of carnival clowns. SILENCE! Team Rhodes Scholars could have been the ultimate prolific pairing. But tonight, I send Cody back to the pairing he was destined for,with his father—Dumb and Dumber. You're welcome.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Lilian Garcia''': And his opponent, from San...''[Alberto stops her and whispers into her ear]'' Ladies and gentlemen, Alberto Del Rio is insisting that I introduce him in Spanish. ''Desde San Luis Potosí, Mexico, pesando doscientos treinta y nueve libras. Él es el campeón de peso completo, Alberto Del Rio!''
:'''Jerry &quot;The King&quot; Lawler''': Lilian had better be careful. We know what happened to the [[w:Ricardo Rodriguez (wrestler)|''last'' ring announcer]] for Alberto Del Rio.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Daniel Bryan hits a running knee on Cena]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Bryan for a cover, hook of the leg...''[Triple H counts to three]'' HE DID IT! DANIEL BRYAN DID IT! DANIEL BRYAN IS WWE CHAMPION!
:'''Jerry''': Oh man!
:'''Justin Roberts''': The winner of this match and NEW WWE Champion: Daniel Bryan!
:'''Michael''': The fairytale has come true! The dream of a lifetime! The decade of perseverance and hard work has paid off! Daniel Bryan is on top of the world!
:'''John &quot;Bradshaw&quot; Layfield''': It's said before, but they're right—miracles can happen!
:'''Michael''': Daniel Bryan is WWE Champion!
:'''Jerry''': The beard is here, and the Champ is here!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jerry''': This could be the year of the beard.
:'''Loudspeaker''': I hear voices in my head...
:'''Michael''': Oh my God. Oh my God!
:'''JBL''': You've gotta be kidding me.
:'''Michael''': Mr. Money in the Bank, Randy Orton, briefcase and contract in tow.
:'''JBL''': Randy Orton's gonna cash in.
:''[Randy stops before ringside]''
:'''Michael''': Is Randy Orton gonna ruin Bryan's moment? ''[Randy holds the briefcase up, takes a few steps toward the ring...]'' The Champ not backing down. ''[...then turns around and walks back]'' And Randy Orton with a little message, just a little reminder to the WWE Champion.
:'''Jerry''': Yeah. &quot;I'm still here.&quot;
:'''Daniel Bryan''': ''[as Randy stops halfway up and turns around]'' YES!
:'''Crowd''': ''[chanting]'' YES!
:'''Jerry''': Wait a minute.
:''[Triple H turns Daniel around, kicks him in the gut...]''
:'''Michael''': Oh my God! OH MY GOD!
:'''JBL''': What are you doing?!
:'''Michael''': What the hell?! ''[...and Pedigrees him. Randy enters the ring and hands the briefcase to Triple H.]'' Oh my God, no. Oh my God, no! Hunter, what are you doing?!
:'''Triple H''': ''[handing the briefcase to the announcer]'' Ring the bell now. Ring it.
:'''Michael''': Hunter, what are you doing? This match is underway. Bryan's out cold. ''[Randy turns Daniel onto his back and covers him.]'' Randy Orton...''[Triple H counts to three, with the crowd counting alongside him]'' Randy Orton has cashed in Money in the Bank. Randy Orton is a seven-time WWE Champion.
:'''Justin''': The winner of this match and NEW WWE Champion: Randy Orton!
:'''Jerry''': Oh my God! Triple H, wha...?
:'''JBL''': What the hell just happened?
:'''Michael''': ''[struggling to say it]'' It just isn't real.
:'''JBL''': Talk about a damper on the party. This is the damnedest SummerSlam I've ever seen.
:'''Michael''': You've gotta be kidding me.
:'''JBL''': You can't help but feel bad for Daniel Bryan.
:'''Michael''': Daniel Bryan...Daniel Bryan.
:'''Jerry''': Well, you know what, guys? Look at it this way—Mr. McMahon just got ''his'' wish. He didn't want Cena to be Champion, and he sure as hell didn't want Daniel Bryan to be Champion.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jerry''': Randy Orton didn't even have to do a thing. After that Pedigree, he just turned Daniel Bryan over, covered him, and the Game counted 1-2-3; we got a new WWE Champion. What on Earth have we just witnessed? What does this mean?! What's gonna happen?!

== [[w:SummerSlam (2014)|2014]] ==

:'''The Miz''': In a summer dominated with [[w:Transformers: Age of Extinction|talking robots]], [[w:Dawn of the Planet of the Apes|talking monkeys]], and [[w:Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014 film)|talking Ninja Turtles]], tonight, you are blessed in be in a presence with a real-life, non-CGI movie star. A man who possesses something that [[w:Guardians of the Galaxy (film)|Drax the Destroyer]] to [[w:Hercules (2014 film)|Hercules]] to every single person in this town wishes they had—''[points to his face]'' this, the moneymaker. See, tonight, I wanna make Dolph Ziggler go from a bright, shiny star that everybody's been talking about, to an unrecognizable failure. In other words, I'm gonna make WWE Dolph Ziggler, Superstar, the WWE version of the Lakers.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Michael Cole''': ''[on Maria Menounos]'' She once called me her favorite host of all time at WrestleMania.
:'''Jerry &quot;The King&quot; Lawler''': What?
:'''John &quot;Bradshaw&quot; Layfield''': She later admitted that she was under the influence.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''JBL''': On Paige's 22nd birthday, she becomes a 2-time Divas Champion!
:'''Jerry''': Guys, we've had two matches and two title changes here tonight.
:'''Michael''': What an incredible performance by Paige, and what a counter, guys, of AJ's Black Widow submission maneuver.
:'''JBL''': What an incredible SummerSlam so far! Happy birthday, Paige!
:''[Paige sits a barely conscious AJ up and hugs her, gives her a kiss, and shoves her back down. She skips around the ring]''
:'''Jerry''': Look at...look at this.
:'''JBL''': Paige ''does'' have affection, she ''does'' love AJ.
:'''Jerry''': Come on, this is... As you said, Michael, that's a little creepy.
:'''Michael''': Whack-job.
:'''JBL''': Champion.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Michael''': What a specimen. ''[Brock picks up Cena over his shoulders]'' Oh, my God, Cena on top. Brock Lesnar. Brock Lesnar going for the F-5. ''[Lesnar hits the F-5 and covers Cena]'' For the Championship, Lesnar with the cover. ''[Referee counts to three]''  Lesnar has won the WWE World Title in convincing fashion!
:'''Justin Roberts''': The winner of this match...and NEW WWE World Heavyweight Champion: Brock Lesnar!
:'''JBL''': That is the most dominating performance I have ever seen in a championship match in my life.
:'''Michael''': It wasn't even close.
:'''JBL''': My God.
:'''Michael''': Lesnar has conquered John Cena.
:'''JBL''': Lesnar destroyed a 15-time World Champion, he destroyed the Streak. This man, Brock Lesnar, is unstoppable.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Michael''': This was a merciless assault.
:'''JBL''': I think Brock could've ended it earlier. He just didn't want to. I never dreamed I would see this happen to John Cena.
:'''Michael''': What a 2014 for Brock Lesnar - the most dominant year of any athlete here in WWE! He stops the undefeated streak at WrestleMania of the Undertaker, and he slays John Cena!
:'''Paul Heyman''': ''[to Brock]'' You are the conqueror, and you've conquered the WWE Universe!

== [[w:SummerSlam (2015)|2015]] ==

:'''[[Jon Stewart]]''': You know, I've spent the last 16 years talking about politics; it's nice to be back in reality.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Xavier Woods''': Brooklyn, now, we know that your city is used to feeling filthy and disgusting, so we brought you some positivity. I mean, look at how clean we are. Everybody, get your cameras out and see how good we look!
:'''John &quot;Bradshaw&quot; Layfield''': They are clean.
:'''Kofi Kingston''': You see, today, we're gonna teach up about a little something called hip...hop, something that New York doesn't know anything about. Y'all don't know nothing about hip-hop, because hip-hop originated in the South.
:'''Xavier''': [[w:Yeah! (Usher song)|Peace up, A-Town down!]]
:'''Kofi''': So it goes a little something like this. ''[The New Day enters the ring]'' Hold on now, come on, come on. You know Jay-Z's tried this, but Jay-Z failed. The good news is the New Day's about to make it a whole lot better. All right, pitch pipes to C. Pitch pipes to C.
:'''Big E''': Got it.
:''[The New Day blows into their pipes]''
:'''Kofi''': ''[to tune of &quot;[[w:Empire State of Mind|Empire State of Mind]]&quot;] Let's hear it for New Day''
:'''Xavier''': ''Negativity won't affect us
:'''Kofi''': ''Clap 'cause it's infectious''
:'''Xavier''': ''Let's hear it for New Day''
:'''Big E''': ''All those other tag teams are booty''
:''Yeah, I said booty''
:'''Xavier''': ''Let's hear it for New Day''
:'''New Day''': ''New Day, New Daaa...[brief stop for breath]...aaayyyyy''
:...
:'''JBL''': Jay-Z's gonna sign those guys if he can afford 'em.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Xavier''': Tricep meat all day long! Big E's got the market cornered on tricep meat! You can't even get a hamburger in WWE because Big E sells nothing but tricep meat!
:'''JBL''': That's what happens when you have a Ph.D, Michael—you've got a lot to say like Xavier Woods.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jon''': Paul Heyman, I'm a big fan. I call you the Apex Orator.
:'''Paul Heyman''': Thank you. I consider that a compliment.
:'''Jon''': It is a compliment. May I have a word with Mr. Lesnar?
:'''Paul''': Now's not really a good time.
:'''Jon''': Because I'm an Undertaker guy, is that what this is?
:'''Paul''': Well...that's not the only reason, but if I may. What happened when your ''guy'' fought my Beast, what do you got to say about that?
:'''Jon''': You're pretty happy about that, right? The victory. You know who wasn't happy about that? Wrestling fans. See, that's what I am; I'm a wrestling fan. And the Undertaker had perfection. He had a streak that hadn't been seen, 21-0. You know who people remember? [[w:Joe DiMaggio|Joe DiMaggio]] and [[w:Hitting streak|his streak]]. You know who they ''don't'' remember? [[w:Ken Keltner|The guy who ended that streak]]. So let me ask you something. When you watched WrestleMania, were you happy to see the fans' faces, the disappointment and the sadness of those people who paid good money to come out and see perfection? But there you were as the advocate, rubbing salt, salt in the wound of every wrestling fan everywhere. They came out there to WrestleMania that day hoping to see magic, perfection. It was Christmas morning, they had that present, they opened it up, and they didn't get a puppy. You know what they got, you know what you gave them, you and the guy with the head and the shoulders and the dagger on the chest? You know what you gave them? Coal. Are you happy about that? What do you have to say about that?
:'''Paul''': ''[to tune of &quot;Battle Hymn of the Republic&quot;] Glory, glory, Brock Lesnar''
:''Glory, glory, Brock Lesnar''
:I guess we couldn't get David Letterman to host the show tonight.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[As Jon Stewart runs into the Cena-Rollins match with a chair, between the two]''
:'''JBL''': What is Jon Stewart doing?
:'''Jerry &quot;The King&quot; Lawler''': Jon Stewart?
:'''JBL''': He told Cena in the pre-show, &quot;if you need any help, I'm there.&quot;
:'''Michael''': Well, remember Stewart's had major issues with Rollins on his old ''Daily Show''.
:'''Jerry''': Jon, don't do this. You cannot do this.
:'''JBL''': Jon Stewart has no business being in there, none. It's a World Championship match, get him out of there!
:'''Jerry''': I can't believe this.
:'''Michael''': Cena has no idea what's going on, he can't even see. ''[Jon rams Cena in the stomach with the chair]'' Oh, come on! What the hell did he do that for?!
:''[Jon throws the chair at Seth's feet and scurries out of the ring. Seth hits the Pedigree on Cena]''
:'''Jerry''': Jon Stewart, what have you done?!
:'''Michael''': Pedigree on the chair! A Pedigree on the chair! ''[Rollins tosses the chair out and covers Cena]'' Rollins is gonna win the US Title! You gotta be kidding me!
:'''JBL''': What did Jon Stewart do that for?!
:'''Michael''': Not like this! 
:''[Chad Patton counts to three]''
:'''JBL''': Why would he do that?!
:'''Michael''': Rollins has made history thanks to Jon Stewart!
:'''Lilian Garcia''': Ladies and gentlemen, your United States and WWE World Heavyweight Champion: Seth Rollins!
:'''JBL''': The hell did we just see?!
:'''Jerry''': The host of SummerSlam just helped Seth Rollins win!
:'''Michael''': Seth Rollins, the first man to hold the United States Title and the WWE World Title, but what did we just see?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Michael''': Jon Stewart has gone from ''Daily Show'' host to SummerSlam criminal here tonight.
:'''JBL''': Maybe SummerSlam hero; depends on your perspective, Michael.
:'''Jerry''': Oh, come on, that wasn't right and you know it, John.

== [[w:Summerslam (2016)|2016]] ==
:'''Big Cass''': New York City!
:''[crowd cheers]''
:'''Big Cass''': How you doin'?
:'''Enzo Amore''': This match is dedicated to all the teachers that told us we never amount to nothing. To all the people in the building hustling trying to make some money on feeding their daughter, and all the people in the struggle, you know what I'm saying?
:'''Cass''': It's all good, baby, baby!
:'''Enzo''': It was all a dream and that dream has become a reality! How you doin'? There was once a man who stood on the other side of the Hudson River who went by Ol' Blue Eyes. And when he sang &quot;New York, New York&quot;, he knew he was looking at the greatest city in the world, and he knew full well if you can make it here, then you can make it anywhere.
:'''Cass''': ''[singing]'' It's up to you, New York, New York!
:''[crowd cheers]''
:'''Enzo''': And young blue eyes right in this ring and that seven-footer standing next to me, right now we're in an Empire State of Mind, baby. And we are living proof that bright lights can inspire you. So, with that being said, allow me to quote a great from right here in Brooklyn, New York, a notorious New Yorker, Biggie Smalls. Biggie Smalls said, &quot;Mo' money, mo' problems.&quot; Well then Jeri-KO, you're looking at a couple problems cause me and Big Cass are walking, talking checks on the come up like the Michael Jordan silhouette.
:'''Cass''': Jeri-KO, we've got 99 problems and you ain't one of them. You wanna come into our backyard and try to act hard? Well, no, no, no, no, no, because there's only ''[the crowd joins in]'' one word to describe you, and I'm gonna spell it out for ya! S-A-W-F-T!
:'''Crowd''': SAWFT!

== [[w:SummerSlam (2022)|2022]] ==
:'''Corey Graves''': I liked you better when you weren't allowed to have an opinion.
:'''Michael Cole''': That's changed. A lot's changed.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
''[Brock Lesnar using a tractor to attempt flipping the ring]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Where the hell is he going?
''[the ring moves]''
:'''Corey Graves''': Oh, Jesus!
:'''Michael Cole''': Corey, get the hell out of there! Brock Lesnar just moved the entire ring with a goddamn ''tractor!''
:'''Corey Graves''': I'm in Kid Rock's lap right now! God Almighty, what the hell is Lesnar doin'?!
:'''Michael Cole''': Anything he wants! ''[Lesnar flips the ring]'' Lesnar's liftin' up the ''[Corey: OH, MY GOD!!!]'' ring with Roman Reigns in it! With a damn ''tractor!!'' REIGNS FALLS OUT OF THE ENTIRE RING!!
:'''Corey Graves''': THIS IS ONE OF THE DAMNEDEST THINGS I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!
:'''Michael Cole''': I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS! EVER! BROCK LESNAR JUST LIFTED THE RING FIFTEEN FEET OFF THE GROUND WITH A DAMN TRACTOR!!!!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
''[Lesnar tries to beat the count of 10]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Corey, this is-- this- this is sickening. This is uncomfortable out here.
:'''Corey Graves''': I-I-I-I'm speechless.
:'''Michael Cole''': We're at a count of five. Roman Reigns is four ticks away from retaining his championship. A count of seven now. A count of eight, Brock Lesnar-- Look at the look in Lesnar's eyes! Lesnar back to a knee! Lesnar beats the count again! You gotta be ''kidding'' me! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?! '''WHAT IS THIS MAN MADE OF?!?!?!?!'''
:'''Corey Graves''': HE'S NOT HUMAN!!!
''[Reigns pummels Lesnar with the WWE Championship]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Reigns with the title off the face of Lesnar! That's ''gotta'' be it!! &lt;big&gt;'''FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, COUNT FASTER!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;

==[[w:Summerslam (2024)|2024]]==

''[Dominik Mysterio and Liv Morgan kiss each other after Mysterio cost Rhea Ripley the Women's World Championship]''
:'''Michael Cole''': '''DOMINIK, YOU SORRY TWO-TIMING SON OF A BITCH!!!'''
:'''Pat McAfee''': '''This piece of trash screwed over his dad, and now screws over his Mami as well!!!'''
:'''Corey Graves''': Ain't love grand?
:'''Michael Cole''': Rhea Ripley heartbroken. Guys, has this been a ruse for months? What the hell is going on here?
:'''Pat McAfee''': You would assume that Dom can't think months in advance 'cause he's too dumb, but anything's possible with this piece of...
:'''Michael Cole''': Well, just say it. I mean that's what he is.
:'''Pat McAfee''': '''THIS PIECE OF SHIT!!!'''

==[[w:SummerSlam (2025)|2025]]==

:''[Cody Rhodes has just won back the WWE Championship, and he leaves the ring to let John Cena have the final moment]''
:'''Michael Cole''': Ladies and gentlemen, enjoy this while you can. We have four months left to enjoy the greatness that is John Cena. ''[As Cena starts to leave, Brock Lesnar's music suddenly hits, and the crowd erupts thunderously]'' '''WHAT?!''' ''[Lesnar himself emerges]'' '''HOLY SHIT!!!'''
:'''Wade Barrett''': '''OH… MY… GOD!!!'''
:'''Michael Cole''': '''IT'S THE BEAST!!! IT'S THE BEAST!!!'''
:'''Wade Barrett''': '''THE BEAST IS BACK!!!'''
:'''Michael Cole''': '''BROCK LESNAR!!! BROCK LESNAR!!! BROCK LESNAR IS AT SUMMERSLAM!!!''' OH, MY GOD! HELL HAS COME TO THE MEADOWLANDS! ''[Pyrotechnics go off and Lesnar slowly starts towards the ring]'' Wade, i-it's been years!
:'''Wade Barrett''': Hold on, I'm looking at the look in John Cena's eyes. It doesn't look like he's ready to greet an old friend here. There's a smile on the face of Brock Lesnar.
:'''Michael Cole''': Let's not use the word &quot;friend&quot; when it comes to Lesnar and Cena! This is a man that has beaten the hell out of John Cena over the years! 
:'''Wade Barrett''': This is a man who is a walking hazard, a walking threat!
:'''Michael Cole''': John Cena once called this man his greatest rival, his toughest rival, his most physical rival, and Brock Lesnar is here, and he's as massive as ever! ''[Lesnar and Cena lock eyes for a few moments before Lesnar takes off his vest]'' The Beast has not taken his eyes off John Cena since he entered this stadium. ''[Lesnar takes off his hat]'' He had to shed his jacket, he's taken off his hat. 
:'''Wade Barrett''': This is a man built for one thing. ''[Lesnar quickly slides into the ring and hoists Cena up on his shoulders]'' 
:'''Michael Cole''': And now Lesnar into the ring, and Brock Lesnar with John Cena on his shoulders! ''[Lesnar delivers a thunderous F-5 to Cena]'' Brock Lesnar with an F-5 to John Cena!! On a night when John Cena went through an absolute war with Cody Rhodes!
:'''Wade Barrett''': Let's be honest, Brock Lesnar was never coming down here to commiserate with anyone.

==External links==
{{wikipedia|SummerSlam}}

[[Category:WWE TV shows]]
[[Category:WWE]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>The Angry Video Game Nerd</title>
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      <text bytes="554219" sha1="tcvft75ff98s1ky0wejtdcjo2cwhqva" xml:space="preserve">'''''[[w:The Angry Video Game Nerd|The Angry Video Game Nerd]]''''' is an Internet series created by James D. Rofle. It is centered around the titular character, &quot;the Nerd&quot;, portrayed by Rolfe. In each episode, the Nerd reviews a video game with some kind of notoriety, often ranting about it using [[Profanity|profane language]]. Certain episodes feature guest characters played by Mike Matei, which are often portrayals of the characters featured in the reviewed video games. Kyle Justin sings and plays the theme song written by Rolfe.

The first two episodes were made in 2004 by Rolfe as a joke to his friends but in 2006, Matei suggested to Rolfe that it should become a regular series.

== Pilots ==

=== [[w:Castlevania II: Simon's Quest|Castlevania II: Simon's Quest]] ===

:''[First line of the series]''
:'''AVGN''': This game sucks. Castlevania I and III are great classic Nintendo games, but for ''[[w: Castlevania II: Simon's Quest|Castlevania II: Simon's Quest]],'' the game designers obviously were not thinking straight.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': ''(complaining about how the game regularly interrupts itself with long, unskippable day-to-night transitions with a text box saying &quot;'''WHAT A HORRIBLE NIGHT TO HAVE A CURSE.'''&quot;)'' Why does this need to happen so often? Like, every five minutes? Why does it take so long? Nobody feels like sitting through this every time. How would you like it if you were playin' a game and then every five minutes I came over, and paused it, then counted ten tedious seconds, and then let you continue play the game? Now, I mean, why did they think that that would be a good idea and interrupt the gameplay, did they think it would be more realistic? I mean, in real life I don't have to stop in my tracks when the sun sets and a fuckin' box doesn't pop up in the air. I mean, this is one of the most annoying features in any game ever. What's the point? Yeah, the, I mean, the monsters are stronger at night and the stores are closed, but why's that necessary and why does the game have to stop? It's fuckin' retarded. And why do you have to die when you fall in the water? That's the stupidest thing I've ever seen. [[w:List_of_Castlevania_characters#Simon Belmont|This guy]] can go all over fightin' hordes of evil monsters, but he can't even fuckin' swim?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN:''' Oh, look, I finally got enough hearts to go and buy a plant that I need to cross the swamp, now let me get to the store. ''(nighttime falls)'' Oh shit, it's fuckin' night time, now the stores are all closed and I have to wait for it to turn day again. Oh well, I might as well kill some zombies in the meantime and stock up on some more hearts. ''(falls into water and dies)'' OH SHIT! Now I gotta start all over again.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': Here, in the dungeons, there's books that you may find which actually give you clues about things in the game that you may need to know about. But, when I find these books, half the time it's by accident, so I may hit the button and cancel it out which means I don't even get to read it and I don't have a second chance. Why can't I do that when it changes from day to night? That would actually be helpful. So, what the game designers figured is this: it isn't absolutely necessary for me to read about how to find Dracula's castle or what I'm supposed to do with an Oak Stake, but what I do need to read, again and again constantly, is: &quot;The morning sun has vanquished the horrible night&quot;. How about ''&quot;vanquished this horrible GAME&quot;?''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': ''(using the password feature to skip to the end of the game and having to input 16 characters)'' The only sure way to get through this awful game is to enter a code, but even that is way more tedious than it should be. While most of the ''Castlevania'' games have symbols you enter for a code, this one just has a whole bunch of numbers. I mean, like, one of those [four-character]little parts would be enough for a password. But why four? Like why so many? In general, I hate games that have passwords like this, because sometimes they have uppercase and lowercase letters. Like the l's, you know, look like I's, the 0's look like O's, the 8's look like 5's so, why does there have to be so many digits? Y'know, like why can't it just be numbers or somethin'? Like, y' know, just numbers and not letters? I mean, it takes me, like, five minutes to enter this code when it should only take, like, five seconds. It's friggin' stupid. Okay, so, say we enter the code, and we go to Dracula's castle. You'll be pretty disappointed how anticlimactic this game is. It isn't even worth putting in a code, let alone playing the whole game all the way through, which, if you did, I feel bad for you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': What a piece of shit. I mean, I feel horrible that I had to play this game in order to make this video, but I did it to demonstrate its dreadfulness and I forced myself to play it just so that you don't have to. So, you should thank me for telling you to stay away from this horrible steaming pile of goat shit.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': Thank you for listening, good night. The ending sucks too.

=== [[w:Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (video game)|Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde]] ===
:'''AVGN''': ''[[w:Pong|Pong]]'' is better. Pong is only, like, three lines and a ball. Those little [[w:Tiger Electronics|Tiger]], like, electronic wrist games, ''those'' are better than Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. It makes no fucking sense! It's like, what were they thinking?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': ''[looking at the cartridge]'' Here it is, here's the piece of shit game. ''[looks at the price tag, which reads 89 cents]'' Who the hell spent this much fuckin' money on this game?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': I mean, if you ever find the game, if you ever see it, smash it. Smash it with a hammer. Smash it 'til every tiny fragment is, like, is so small it's invisible. I mean... you'd rather superglue your asshole shut than play that game. You'd rather drown in gasoline. You'd rather... you know, th-the thing is... you think I'm joking, like I'm trying to be funny or something. No, the fact that that game exists is a horrible abomination of mankind. That game is so fucking horrible, and I am not kidding. I am dead fuckin' serious. ''[close-up of the Nerd]'' DEAD... FUCKIN'... SERIOUS. ''[fade-out as the Nerd nervously laughs]''

== Season One ==

=== [[w:The Karate Kid (video game)|The Karate Kid]] ===
:'''The Nerd''': Well, let me be honest with you about this one. Ooh, boy. I ''hate'' this game. I mean, it makes me wanna kill myself. Now, the only comforting thing to know is that everybody seems to share my frustration. ''Karate Kid'' is a game, that has haunted many of our childhoods. I mean, everybody has the same story: &quot;I loved the movie, so I got the Nintendo game, and I couldn't stand it, yet I had to keep on playing it, because I had to beat it.&quot; So, what is it about this game, that's drawn so many unfortunate kids to turn into bitter adults, reminiscing on their angry childhood; screamin' at the TV, throwin' the controllers? I mean, anybody who has beaten this incredibly hard piece of fuck will not have any sense of satisfaction but, rather regrets, because it is a complete waste of fuckin' time. I mean, it's like coming out of a brutal fight, being the winner, but achieving nothing for all your troubles but some bloody bruises and broken bones. It's just not worth it.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': (''dies in a pit'') I hate this game, but why am I playing it? Well, that's the question everyone has asked themselves. And they all have the same reason: because you're angry and you wanna win. You wanna beat the Nintendo, but the cold fact is that nobody cares but you.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': Man, I guess they decided because the game's only four levels long, it better be the hardest four levels ever. Well, how 'bout this, how about if I made a game where there's just this one cliff you have to jump over and it's like nearly impossible, but if you do it, you win the game and that's it. I mean, what the hell were they thinkin' with this piece of shit? What the hell? Now, if you're a serious Nintendo collector, do yourself a favor, don't get this game, because it's not worth it. I mean, it's made many lives miserable and, y'know, if you see it on sale for a dollar, just stay away. Don't even touch it. ''[spits on cartridge and flushes it down the toilet.]''

=== [[w:Who Framed Roger Rabbit (Nintendo Entertainment System)|Who Framed Roger Rabbit]] ===
:'''AVGN''': ''(talking to a lady after punching her)'' &quot;'''CAN YOU HELP ME'''&quot;, &quot;'''GO AWAY, YOU HORRID MAN'''&quot;... how about &quot;Go away, you HORRID GAME!&quot;?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''AVGN''': ''(gets game over and sees a 20 character password)'' And look at this! Th-this is the longest password ever! Would it have killed them to make this any shorter? It takes forever! Like, why should any game, take like ten minutes to type in the fuckin' password?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''AVGN''': ''(calling Jessica Rabbit on the phone)'' This is Jessica Rabbit? Well, I got your number and I'm callin' just to say &quot;FUCK YOU!&quot;
:'''Jessica Rabbit''': I hope you're proud of yourself!
:'''AVGN''': Yeah, well, I hope you're proud of yourself, and you know what I mean, ya fuckin' whore.
:'''Jessica Rabbit''': I'm not bad. I'm just drawn that way.
:'''AVGN''': Yeah, well, wait 'til I draw your suicide note in your own blood, you bunny fuckin' bitch. I'm comin' over and I'm gonna kill you. I'm gonna kill your whole motherfuckin' family! ''(returns to playing the game)'' Alright, well now I got that out of my system, let's continue with the game.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''AVGN''': All right, the game sucks, end of story; I wanna nail Roger Rabbit to the fuckin' cross.

=== [[w:Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1989 video game)|Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles]] ===
:'''AVGN''': You may even think I'm tryin' to compare it to the sequels, which are far superior. Two-player, arcade action, beat up a bunch of Foot Soldiers. Good stuff. But, this first one is garbage

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': April O'Neil says: &quot;You have my support.&quot; Okay. What the hell did she ever do for you? Stupid banana raincoat wearin' bitch.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': ''(in the sewers level, as an enemy causes the on-screen turtle to fall in rushing water)'' Ughhh, you son of a fuck! And you know what pisses me off? They're turtles, for fuck's sakes! They can't even swim?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': Aw, you fuckrat! This is just a bunch of cockadookie, this is bullfuck.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': Cowabunga... Cow-a-FUCKIN' PIECE OF DOGSHIT! This game is diarrhea comin' outta my dick! This game is as appealing as a fuckin' ooze-infested dirty fuckin' sewer rat shit! I've had more fun playing with dog turds! [[w:Shredder (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Shredder's]] my ass and [[w:Splinter (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Splinter's]] my balls! This game is an inside-out asshole regurgitating putrid anal fecal matter! I'd rather fuckin' yank all the hairs out of my scrotum! I'd rather drink diarrhea vomited out of a buffalo's anus! It suckin' fucks, it fuckin' sucks, IT FUCKIN' BLOWS, IT'S A PIECEASHIT... and I don't like it.

=== [[w:Back to the Future (NES video game)|Back to the Future]] ===
:'''AVGN''': ''(on the repetitive music)'' I'd rather have a fucking buffalo take a diarrhea dump in my ear than subject them to this horrendous garbage.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''AVGN''': ''(on the nonsensical in-game representation of Hill Valley and all the obstacles Marty McFly must deal with)'' What happened here? Is this Hill Valley or is it Hell?
:'''Doc Brown:''' No, it's Hill Valley, although I can't imagine Hell being much worse!

&lt;hr width =&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': Like, if I just shat into a bag, and wrote ''&quot;Back to the Future&quot;'' on it, that would be the same as this awful piece of fuck. It brings my piss to a boil. What a piece of shit! I'll never play it again, either. It's my last time. ''(scoffs)'' I'd rather eat out the rotten asshole of a roadkill skunk than play this game, ever again. And I'm dead serious, too. And do you know what's worse? You know what's - what's really worse? Guess what? There's a sequel!
:'''Marty:''' NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
:'''AVGN''': ''playing [[w:Back to the Future II &amp; III|Back to the Future II &amp; III]]'' Yes, it's true. ''Back to the Future II &amp; III''. Two shitty games for the price of one. Let's check it out.

=== [[w:M.C. Kids|M.C. Kids]] ===
:'''AVGN''': So there's Ronald with his magic bag... bag of hallucinogenic drugs. I always thought that clown was one scary motherfucker.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': Then you go to Grimace's board. Here's Grimace, the big purple fuck. Look at his house! It looks like Barney the Dinosaur's testicle.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': It never ends with this game; it’s just like an infinite turd coming out of my ass.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': ''(Explaining a 1-Up gathering trick)'' So if you have an hour to waste, then, there you go. Have fun. You're completely wasting your time, anyway, if playing this game, as I am. Let alone make a fucking video about it. Some people like to call 1-ups &quot;extra guys&quot; or &quot;free mans&quot;. I like to call 'em life insurance.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': ''(At the end of the review)'' Toasty!

=== [[w:Wally Bear and the NO! Gang|Wally Bear and the NO! Gang]] ===
:'''AVGN''': And what's this button for? &quot;PRESS HERE&quot;? Seriously, press here? What for? I mean is it supposed to be telling you how to push the game down? Like, how to put the game into the system? Well, I-I can't really push on it when it's inside the Nintendo. You know, did they really think kids are that stupid? I mean, it should just say, &quot;PRESS HERE, YOU DUMB FUCK!&quot; Like some kid's gonna be like, &quot;Uhhh, duhh, how do I put the game in?&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': Back in the '80s, it seemed like there were all these characters tryin' to keep kids off of drugs. Whether it was [[w:McGruff the Crime Dog|Mcgruff]], or [[w:Pee-wee Herman|Pee-wee]], or the [[w:Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue| combined efforts]] of [[w:Alf: The Animated Series|Alf]], [[w:Michaelangelo (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Michaelangelo]], [[Bugs Bunny]] and [[Muppet Babies|Miss Piggy]]. And... this game, I'm sure it didn't help kids stay off drugs at all. In fact, I'm sure the people who made it were on something. So, avoid it at all costs, unless... you are fucked up on drugs. So in that case, let's say NO to drugs... ''(drinking his Rolling Rock)'' and let's say NO to this fuckin' game.

=== [[w:Master Chu and the Drunkard Hu|Master Chu and the Drunkard Hu]] ===
:'''AVGN''': So, yeah, it's a weird game, and you can just tell just by the cartridge. It's one of those weird baby blue cartridges, so you can tell right of the bat that it's a big piece of fucking shit.
:'''Shit Pickle''': Pickle.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': There's only one reason to buy this game. And that's to be able to say, &quot;I own ''Master Chu and the Drunkard Hu'',&quot; so people can awkwardly stare at you.
:'''Shit Pickle''': Shit-pickle-shit-pickle-shit-pickle-shit-pickle.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': ''(Shit Pickle plays the game.)'' So, what do you think?
:'''Shit Pickle''': Shit!
:'''AVGN''': Exactly.

=== [[w:Top Gun (video game)|Top Gun]] ===
:'''The Nerd''': (on the landing sequence) You know, it's like every time I get to this part, I think I might have a chance. This is gonna be it. I'm finally going to land the plane. ''(reading the on-screen directions)'' '''&quot;Speed down. Left, left. Speed up. Right, right! Speed up! Speed down! Left, left! Speed up! Speed down. Up, up! Up, up!&quot;''' I'm hitting up.
''[The Nerd sweats profusely getting closer to the TV. The plane misses the aircraft carrier and crashes into the ocean''.]
:'''The Nerd''': '''''ASSSS! FUUUUCK!'''''

=== [[w: Double Dragon III|Double Dragon III]] ===

:'''AVGN''': Ooh, I know what you're thinking. &quot;How dare you pick on ''Double Dragon''?&quot; But I'm not. [[w:Double Dragon|''Double Dragon'']]'s awesome! So is [[w:Double Dragon II|''Double Dragon II: The Revenge'']]. But ''Double Dragon III: The Sacred Stones'' is just a fucking waste.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''AVGN''': ''(Playing the two-player game, on the introductory cutscene)'' Now, just like the one-player game, it starts off with the story sequence, but this time it shows both the Double Dragons, Billy and Jimmy Lee. Oh, wait... '''''Bimmy and Jimmy'''?'' How'd they make a mistake like this!? '''''Bimmy''''' isn't even a real name! How did this happen!? They didn't even proofread this shitty game before they released it? '''''Bimmy and Jimmy?''''' I'm sorry, I just can't get over that. '''''Bimmy and Jimmy.''''' There's a typo in a Nintendo game, let alone a fucking ''Double Dragon'' game, and it's the first screen!

=== [[w:Friday the 13th (NES game)|Friday the 13th]] ===
:'''AVGN''': Oh, fffuck! Look at the map. I've just been walkin' in the wrong fuckin' direction. What a wonderful game! The bare basics of left and right do not apply. And that's why this game is so great, because it's free from all logic. Logic is for pussies!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': ''(commenting on the game over screen)'' That's ingenious. That's... the best Game Over screen I ever saw. For real, I'm actually being dead serious! DEAD FUCKIN' SERIOUS. That's brilliant, right? ''(looks at Jason)'' &quot;You and your friends are dead. Game Over.&quot; It's priceless. Like, I can't believe it! Isn't that a mean thing to say to kids? Nobody ever ''dies'' in Nintendo. They're either &quot;defeated&quot; or they... turn into an item and like, float away. But here comes a game, like ''Friday the 13th'', that just cuts the bullshit, shows some balls, comes flat out and says: &quot;You're fuckin' dead... ''and'' your friends, too.&quot; Beautiful. And what if there was a sequel? It would have to say somethin' even worse. Like, I got it. I got a good idea of what it should say. It should say:
:'''&quot;You're dead.'''
:'''Your friends are dead.'''
:'''Your family's dead.'''
:'''Your fuckin' pets are bein' skinned alive.'''
:'''Your mom's a fuckin' whore.'''
:'''You suck at life.'''
:'''The whole world hates you.'''
:'''You're goin' to hell.'''
:'''Live with it.'''
:'''Game Over.&quot;'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': I'd rather play ''Doom'' on Atari. I'd rather play ''Halo'' on a Tiger Electronics wrist game. I'd rather drown in diarrhea. I'd rather fuckin' eat my fuckin' balls off and puke 'em out my fuckin' ass! I'd rather piss a cactus out of my dick! The music is fuckin' worse than life itself, and I'd turn the volume down except for the fact that I have to hear the Jason Alarm! It's all just a test of patience, and it can kiss ''my fuckin’ asshole!''

=== [[w:A Nightmare on Elm Street (video game)#video games|A Nightmare on Elm Street]] ===
:'''The Nerd''': Could the villains be any more stock? Like, we have this creepy game about Freddy. What kind of creepy characters can we add? Well, how about bats, ghosts, spiders, skeletons, Frankensteins for the kiddies? Could it be any more un-creative than that? Like, why don't they just add some witches, black cats, and flying jack-o'-lanterns? They should've just called the game &quot;Boo! Haunted House!&quot; Which is probably what they originally had in mind, until they thought, &quot;No, wait, make it about [[w:Freddy Kreuger|Freddy]]. We already ruined ''Friday the 13th,'' now let's do the same thing to ''Nightmare on Elm Street.&quot;'' And that's right. It's by the same company. We're not gonna say who it is, but it stands for &quot;[[w:LJN|Laughin' Jokin' Numbnuts]].&quot;
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': Oh, God! Is Freddy comin'? He sure is! Of all the shitty things in this game, this screen is so cheesy that it's just awesome. But it's ruined by the fuckin' trademark symbol! ''[zooms in on the trademark symbol next to Freddy's name]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': You know what's really weird? That this game was actually capable of a 4-player mode using an accessory that allows four controllers to be connected to your Nintendo Entertainment System? Now, I can't imagine having four people playing this game. Who's gonna want to play this piece of shit? I'm lucky if I can get one other person! I have a better chance of cloning myself.
:''[Four Nerds play the game together, yelling things such as &quot;This is fuckin' shit!&quot;, &quot;It's diarrhea shit!&quot;, &quot;This game is horrible!&quot;, &quot;Diarrhea fuck.&quot;, &quot;It sucks!&quot;, &quot;It's shit!&quot;, &quot;It's balls!&quot;, &quot;What a piece of shit.&quot;, &quot;What a shitload of fuck.&quot;, and &quot;What a piece of fuckin' shit.&quot;]''
:'''Back Nerd''': Hey, wait. Wait, wait, wait. I just cloned myself. I'm in a dream, I can do whatever I want, so why don't we all just stop playin' this fuckin' game?
:'''Left Nerd''': Yeah.
:'''Back Nerd''': So, the hell with that shit.
:'''Right Nerd''': Yeah, the hell with that... damn shit.
:'''True Nerd''': The hell with that damn... '''''fuckin'''''' shit.
:'''Left Nerd''': &lt;big&gt;'''''THE HELL WITH THAT GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKIN' BULLSHIT!!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''True Nerd''': Relax.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Freddy Krueger''': Whoa! Look at me! I'm the fuckin' Nerd! What a piece of shit! Buffalo diarrhea fuckfarts! You see, Nerd? Nobody makes you play these games but yourself. So, you're your own damn nightmare. Now, you're gonna die.
:'''The Nerd''': Go yank your cock through your ass, you fuckin' butt mongrel: I got the ''Power Glove!''

=== [[w:Power Glove|Power Glove]] ===
:'''The Nerd''': [[w:The Wizard (1989 film)|I love the Power Glove. It's so bad.]] And I mean ''bad''. This thing is bad. Why need a glove to play a game? What's wrong with this? ''[grabs the regular NES controller]'' Huh? I don't know. I thought this was okay, playing it, you know, with a controller. So if anything, the Power Glove, it's an interesting experiment in gaming technology. But too bad they were just fuckin' jerkin' off! Like, why does it suck so bad? Well, I have one complaint, ''[flashes middle finger]'' ''one fuckin' complaint'' about this glove; It doesn't work. Now, what's the most important aspect about any game? Well, being able to fuckin' play it!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': ''[Plays [[w:Jackal (video game)|Jackal]] and reads the opening screen's text]'' &quot;'''This battle will make your blood boil. Good luck!'''&quot; &quot;Good luck&quot; is right. I'm using the fuckin' Power Glove.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': ''[plays [[w:Rad Racer|Rad Racer]] with the Power Glove]'' You know what's really cool about ''Rad Racer?'' That if you push &quot;Select&quot;... ''[pushes &quot;Select&quot;]'' ...the game goes ''3D.'' I'm playing ''Rad Racer'' with the Power Glove ''and'' 3D glasses. Ya can't get any more rad than that.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': Wow. Playing ''[[w:Top Gun (video game)#Original releases|Top Gun]]'' with the Power Glove. [[The Angry Video Game Nerd#Toxic Crusaders|It's like pukin' on a pile of shit]]. [in-game, &quot;'''TO LANDING SEQUENCE'''&quot;] Oh, my God. What the fuck am I doing? I'm tryin' to land the plane in Top Gun with the Power Glove? I can't even land it with the regular controller. ''[he manages to successfully land the plane; surprised, he takes a quick glance at the Power Glove, and looks back at the screen]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': If you want to bring a totally new element of challenge to your Nintendo games, try the Power Glove, 'cause it sure makes everything a lot harder. It's just a barely functional contraption designed to rip off little kids. It's the biggest scam since the Atari 5200 controller. The only kids who owned this were usually the richer ones who thought they were cool. Well, they're not cool. I'm not cool, either. Look at me. You think I'm cool? I've got a fuckin' glove on my hand. I'm tryin' to play a fuckin' game with it. I look like an idiot with [[w:A Fistful of Dollars|a fistful of shit.]] ''[pretends to shoot his fingers off with the grey 1985 NES Zapper, leaving only his middle finger, which he flashes.]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': Now you're playing with power. Now you're playing with fuckin' shit! You're better off fuckin' shit than fuckin' with this fucked-up shit! Fuck this shit! You don't know shit about how fuckin' shitty this fuckin' shit is! It's so bad it sucks. It's so fuckin' suck it fucks! And I...can't take it anymore. ''[holds bottle of Rolling Rock which he drinks while wearing the Power Glove, accompanied by the &quot;Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!!!&quot; Game Over Theme]''

=== Chronologically Confused ===
:'''AVGN''': ''(talking about the [[w:Mega Man|Mega Man]] series)'' What's this? Mega Man Battle network series? [[w:Mega Man 64|Mega Man 64]]? Did they really make it that far? No, that was just the Nintendo 64's stupid gimmick of putting 64 at the end of every fucking title.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''AVGN''': So when [[w:Final Fantasy VII|Final Fantasy VII]] came out, they just called it Final Fantasy VII and that's when the confusion began. I wondered what the fuck happened to IV V and VI?! But what I really should've been wondering, little did I know, what the fuck happened to II III and V? And once I figured that out, I was like,&quot;So there were other Final Fantasy games we didn't know about?&quot; I was playing VI all along and not III? What a fuckin' bunch of fuckin' bullfuck!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''AVGN''': The Star Trek series did the same thing. Right now, there's ten of them. Star Trek I-VI were all numbered. But when they stopped using the original cast from the show and started using the cast from Star Trek: The Next Generation, they dropped the numbers from the films and called them: Star Trek Generations, Star Trek First Contact, Star Trek Insurrection and Star Trek Nemesis. Okay, well that's real fine. But where did the fucking numbers go? If they couldn't call Star Trek Generations, Star Trek VII then why didn't they call it Star Trek The Next Generation off the show and then call the next one Star Trek The Next Generation II and just start a new line of sequels?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''AVGN''': The title of [[w:Bruce Lee|Bruce Lee's]] first film was called ''[[w:The Big Boss|The Big Boss]]'', but when they released it in the U.S., the American distributors or whoever was responsible decided to change the title to ''Fists of Fury''. Well okay, that's just fine, but the next one happened to be called ''[[w:Fist of Fury|Fist Of Fury]]''. So, uh oh, we fucked up! What are we going to call it here in the U.S.? We can't call it ''Fist of Fury'' because we changed the last one to ''Fists of Fury''. Call it ''The Chinese Connection'' and from now on, just call the movies whatever the fuck they're originally called.

=== [[w:Rocky (1987 video game)|Rocky]] ===
:'''AVGN''': ''(Regarding the training sequences)'' Cock-a-fuckin'-doodle-ass-shit-suckin'-bullfuck! This is fuckin' boring!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': ''(On the convoluted controls as described in the game manual)'' So did you get that? Well, let me sum it up. It stinks!
:'''Rocky''': That's right, it stinks!
:'''AVGN''': It's a bunch of putrid anal shit coming out of a rhinoceros' asshole. It fucks up the ass, shits out the mouth, piss out the nose, dookie out the ear, diarrhea out the dick, shits for the birds! The control in this game... is pooh-pooh.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': This game is ass. I'd rather take a bath in elephant feces. I'd rather eat raw eggs.

=== Bible Games ===
:'''AVGN''': ''(Playing [[w:Bible Adventures|Bible Adventures]], reviewing &quot;Noah's Ark&quot;; regarding the character Noah, who literally picks up animals and puts them in the ark in the game)'' I just can't get over that. He's an old man, and not only does he pick the animals up, he lifts them over his head! It doesn't even slow him down. How could such an old man be so strong? Have you ever tried to lift a horse? Not that easy. What the fuck!? Let alone a horse and an ox!? Or fuck! A horse, a cow, and two oxen!? What the fuckin' shit!? Noah's so goddamn strong, he puts [[w:The Incredible Hulk|The Hulk]] to shame. And the poor creatures, they're so scared shitless, they don't even try to get away. Noah, man. Nobody fucks with him. Not even [[w:Chuck Norris|Chuck Norris]]!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': ''(Reviewing &quot;David and Goliath&quot;)'' And you know what? All three games use the same music. You'd rather listen to your own infant son puking to death. That is, choking on his own puke-chunks. ''(long pause)'' That's disgusting. I apologize.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': ''(reviewing [[w:Bible Buffet|Bible Buffet]] on NES, responding to its in-game voice clips)'' That voice is just crazy! I-I dunno what it is, but it just sounds out of place. Not that anything is ''in'' place, but I dunno. It's so rare to hear such a clear voice in a Nintendo game. But I suppose it's also rare for Nintendo to have a Bible game with no references to the Bible, resembling Atari, that's all about food trying to kill you, yet it's also a board game rip-off with quizzes that you can't answer, and, if it's a Bible game, why do you blow a snowman's head off? Whatever happened to &quot;[[Book of Exodus|Thou shall not kill]]&quot;? Please, somebody tell me!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': ''[ [[w:Invisible Touch (song)|Invisible Touch]] is heard in the background]'' So let's play another bible game. It's the Book of Genesis on [[w:Sega Genesis|Sega Genesis]]. And the soundtrack is [[w:Genesis (band)|Genesis]]. ...I'm just making this up.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': ''[Playing [[w:Super 3D Noah's Ark|Super Noah's Ark 3D]]]'' Listen to how cheerful the music is. ''(Theme from Super 3D Noah's ark plays)'' Wow, that's great. It's just what you need is some really upbeat music to go along with Noah getting murdered by a bunch of fucking goats!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': There's really nothing else worth mentioning with this game. It just sucks, and I can't even stand to play it anymore. I’d rather fuck a porcupine and shove a cactus up my ass. I'd rather slurp crap oozing out of a warthog's anus-hole. It's just a bunch of poopy diarrhea doo-doo ass shit.

== Season Two ==

=== [[w:Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III|Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III Part One]] ===

:'''The Nerd''': (sighs) ''Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III'' ''(he slaps the tape back into its case as it starts to fall out)'' SUCKS SHIT! Not even regular shit. Putrid, barfed-out roadkill diarrhea shit. Now you might be sayin', &quot;Well that's your opinion.&quot; Well yeah, it is. It's my opinion, that it's a motherfuckin' fact, that this pile of dog shit called ''Ninja Turtles III'' is the most god-awful disgrace in human existence! Now, I know you've seen a lot of bad movies. But, no, let me tell you, this movie is '''BAD.''' Like, how bad? Like, is it the worst of the ''Turtles'' trilogy? Oh, undeniably, but that's not the point. My point, is that this is the worst fuckin' movie I've ever seen in my life! Now, I can tell you from the perspective of a 12-year-old and a 26-year-old, that it needs to rot in Hell, in Satan's asshole. Now what I mean by that is I was 12 the first time I saw the movie, in the theaters in 1993, and I was such a big Turtle fan, I just accepted it. I just held the truth inside. And, you know it's just been tearin' away at me all these years. And now, lookin' back at it, I just gotta come clean and honest, man. I just gotta let it all out. THIS MOVIE... is '''FUCKIN' TERRIBLE!''' ''(punches the tape)''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': &quot;Why was there no subtitle in the movie?&quot; They subtitled the last movie. Well, I have an answer. Look under that title. You see that blank, empty space? Let that be an indication of the blank, empty imagination employ within and the void it left in our hearts.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''AVGN''': ''(criticizing the inferior animatronics)'' Is this movie made for little kids? Well, I guess it is, so the joke's on me. The worst of all is Splinter. He looks like fuckin' roadkill! And I guess they never finished him because you only see his upper body. He's like a puppet that should be used on Sesame Street. Even worse is his voice!
:'''Splinter''': Have patience, my son.
:'''AVGN''': What an assload of fuck! Well, everything sucks.

=== [[w:Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III|Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III Part Two]] ===
:'''The Nerd''': ''[on Walker's death scene]'' Now, I gotta pause this because I gotta ask, how many times have you seen this shot in a movie? Way too fuckin' much. It was one of the biggest clichés of the time. What happened at the end of Batman? The Joker falls, same shot. What happens at the end of Dick Tracy? Big Boy falls, same thing. But Turtles III takes this cliché to a whole new level. I mean, a whole new level. Watch what happens when Walker hits the water.
:''[Walker screams while he falls to his death, and the water splashes]''
:'''The Nerd''': Did you see that? Here it goes again.
:''[The scene is repeated]''
:'''The Nerd''': There's no splash. Instead, he disappears. But he doesn't disappear. He like, implodes into himself. I'm really stunned, like why'd they do this? They couldn't do a special effect for a splash? But, what they could do is make him implode. Now, if you couldn't make a splash, why couldn't you just cut away, and then, just leave the sound of the splash? That would've actually been more effective. I can re-edit it right now. Watch.
:''[Walker screams while he falls to his death, and the scene cuts to the Turtles with the sound of the splash intact]''
:'''The Nerd:''' See? That's all they had to do, so why make the weird imploding effect? What were they thinking?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': Cowabunga. Cowa-fuckin'-piece-of-dog-shit! I'd rather watch crap oozing out of a buffalo's asshole. I'd rather fuckin' puke diarrhea up my dick. It fuckin' sucks so much fuckin' suck, it fucks. It fuckin' sucks so much cocksucker motherfucker bullfuck that...well, something must be done.
:''[The Nerd takes the movie, looks at it, then sets on floor before taking out a katana. He braces it, aims it, then splits the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III VHS tape in two. Then he switches to a hammer.]''
:'''The Nerd''': IT'S HAMMER TIME!
:''[He smashes the video until all of it is smashed to bits, and he sighs angrily. The camera pans to see the destruction of the VHS copy of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III, accompanied by the level complete music from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles for the NES, before the scene fades to black.]''

=== [[w:Atari 5200|Atari 5200]] ===

:'''AVGN''': Look at how huge this beast is, it's ginormous! And why is there a door on it? Is this a video game console, or a fucking closet? Even the AC Adapter weighs a million tons.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': What's the most important aspect about any fucking game? Well, being able to fucking play it. And what do you need to fucking play it? A fucking controller! So what do you do when the controller doesn't work? You're fucked! This is the reason the system failed. ''This.'' In the name of God, Heaven and Hell; everything in between, every creature on Earth; by the far reaches of the Galaxy; by the inner rings on the Universe and... every Megaverse and the Ultraverse, let it be known. Let the word be known. This controller... is ''fuckin' horrible''!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': Then there's all these numeric buttons. Like, what the shit is this? Is this thing a phone? Like, what is all this for? Is it, like, talking to intergalactic space aliens, flying fuckernauts or astrobastards?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': ''[unable to play the Atari 5200 due to defective controllers]'' As for the 5200, there's third party controllers made for replacing the shitty controller that the system came with. So let's take a trip into the cyber world known as the internet and take a look. ''[Goes to his computer and the Ebay website. Finds a listing that says &quot;ATARI 5200 CONTROLLER - Works fucking better!&quot;]''

=== [[w:Ghostbusters (video game)|Ghostbusters]]===
:'''The Nerd:''' So, I just wanted to take you back to the '80s, when ''Ghostbusters'' and Nintendo were the best things in the world. Now, the Nintendo Entertainment System, I believe needs no introduction. So, when we heard that a ''Ghostbusters'' '''game''' for Nintendo was coming out, we were so excited we shit our pants. Literally, ''shit'' came out our asses and we rocketed through the roof! It was two of our favorite things comin' together, should have been like bread and butter. But more like dead skunk and dog shit! ''(He inserts the cartridge into the NES.)'' You pop this piece of crap in, expecting ''Ghostbusters,'' and whaddya get? Well, ''Ghostbusters''. Got the logo there, looks promising enough. But are you willing to bet that it's gonna get really bad once you start playin'? Yeah, well, guess what? It gets bad as soon as you press the Start button. ''(The Nerd presses the Start button) '' ''(an extremely low-bit &quot;GHOSTBUSTERS!&quot; sound can be heard on the TV)'' The fuck was that?! ''(the low-bit &quot;GHOSTBUSTERS!&quot; repeats)'' &quot;Gowsht Bushterrrsh!&quot; ''(the low-bit &quot;GHOSTBUSTERS!&quot; repeats again)'' Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not tryna to criticize the game for its lack of voice clarity, but ya hear how bad this sounds? Let this set the tone for the rest of the game.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd:''' ''(Game starts)'' So, here's the main screen. This is it. This is ''Ghostbusters'' on Nintendo. This is my wasted childhood you're lookin' at. I don't even need to comment. Just look at it, it's shits for the birds! Okay, we gotta come up with a game about ''Ghostbusters'', what can we do? How about just have the ''Ghostbusters'' logo floatin' around playin' tag with cute, little yellow ghosts? So if you like ''Ghostbusters'', it's right up your alley. More like up your ASS!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd:''' Does there exist any store that sells... a ghost vacuum? Let's find out. ''(The Nerd turns on his cellphone and punches in a phone number)''
:'''The Nerd:''' &quot;Hi, do you sell vacuums?&quot;
:'''Manager:''' &quot;Uh, yes.&quot;
:'''The Nerd:''' &quot;Um, yeah, uh, I'm lookin' for a special kinda vacuum. It's like, shaped like a funnel, sorta.&quot;
:'''Manager:''' &quot;Hmm, what kind of vacuum?&quot;
:'''The Nerd:''' &quot;It's like, shaped like a funnel, like you put it on the roof of your car.&quot;
:'''Manager:''' &quot;You want a vacuum to clean your car?&quot;
:'''The Nerd:''' &quot;No, you put it '''on''' the top of your car... like while you're drivin'...?&quot;
:'''Manager:''' &quot;To, t-,t-, you want a vacuum to clean?&quot;
:'''The Nerd:''' &quot;No, y'know, these vacuums are for catchin' ghosts...&quot; ''(The Nerd struggles to contain laughter)''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd:''' Oh please, Game Genie, grant me three wishes!

=== [[w:Ghostbusters video games|Ghostbusters Followup]] ===

:'''The Nerd''': ''[when he talks about the ending of Ghostbusters on NES]'' Well, first of all, &quot;'''Conglaturation !!!'''&quot; is spelled wrong, but it's not even a simple typo. Two letters in two different places are wrong which probably means they really didn't know how to spell it. So that's 20 points off for that just because it's such an atrocious misspelling. But then why isn't it plural? You don't usually say &quot;Congratulation.&quot;, you say &quot;Congratulation''s''&quot;. So technically it's got nothing to do with the spelling, it's a different error altogether. So that's another ten points for that. Then, &quot;'''You have completed a great game.'''&quot;!? Well that's just simply wrong, 20 points for that statement. Even if it was a great game, it shouldn't have to announce it. So then you have a punctuation error, because the next sentence begins with &quot;'''And'''&quot;. Then you got an extra O in &quot;'''prooved'''&quot;. And proved what? &quot;'''prooved the justice of our culture.'''&quot;? So it's saying that you proved that our culture has justice? I don't know. &quot;'''Now go and rest our heroes !'''&quot; Instead of &quot;Now go and rest, comma, our heroes&quot;, it's telling you to go rest our heroes. Okay, well, sorry to say but we had to take off 90 points. But hey, a score of 10% means that there's still hope. But wait, is there any reason that there's one exclamation mark here (at Heroes !) and then there's three up there (after Conglaturation !!!)? That's another 10 points off for lack of consistency with a total score of zero. F-minus. It should have said...

:'''Congratulations!'''
:'''You had the patience to sit through this awful game.'''
:'''You proved your nerdiness.'''
:'''Now go fuck yourself!'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': ''(reviewing ''Ghostbusters'' on the Sega Master System, commenting on how the controllable logo leaves black dots on the streets it crosses)'' I don't exactly understand the idea of dropping poop everywhere you go. Thought the Ghostbusters are in a car, not a horse and buggy.

=== [[w:Ghostbusters video games|Ghostbusters Conclusion]] ===
:'''The Nerd''': ''[Playing [[w:Ghostbusters II (NES)|''Ghostbusters 2'']] for [[w:Nintendo Entertainment System|NES]], commenting on its level setup]'' And that's what I'm fuckin' talking about. ''Ghostbusters'' should be nothing more complicated than just running around, zapping ghosts! So it's a huge, '''''huge''''' improvement over the first game. But that's not saying much. It still sucks monkey fuck and pukes diarrhea up your fucking asshole. And that's interesting, because the movie [[w:Ghostbusters II|''Ghostbusters II'']] is definitely inferior to the first one. So, I guess the formula works like this: A good movie equals... a shitty, fuckin' game. ''But,'' ''[throws game to ground]'' a ''not''-so-good movie equals a game... that's not ''as'' shitty.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': ''[voiceover]'' It's also stupid that A shoots slime, and B jumps. Usually, it's the other way around. As for Start and Select, they don't do donkey dick. Usually Start is &quot;Pause&quot;, but here, there's no fuckin' way to pause the damn game. ''[throws controller to the floor]''
:'''The Nerd''': I mean, if you've gotta go answer the phone, or take a shit, it's like, tough shit if you gotta take a shit! You gotta take a quick shit! You gotta have turbo turds! I'm trying to play the game, I got shit stains in my pants, and an answering message on my phone that says, &quot;Sorry. I'm playing ''Ghostbusters 2'' on Nintendo.&quot; What a selfish game. BOTTOM LINE, HAVE A FUCKIN' PAUSE BUTTON! GODDAMMIT! ''[throws an Ecto-1 toy to the ground]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': ''[reviewing ''Ghostbusters'' on [[w:Sega Genesis|Sega Genesis]]]'' I like this? I can't believe what I'm saying.
:'''The Nerd''': I think the world is coming to an end. Seriously, like [[Ghostbusters|fire and brimstone coming down from the skies. Rivers and seas boiling! 40 years of darkness! Earthquakes! Volcanoes! The dead rising from their graves! Human sacrifice, dogs and cats livin' together, mass hysteria!]] But don't worry, I'll find something about it that sucks.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': ''[voiceover]'' Guess what the toughest enemies in the game are? Coffee cups. You'd think they'd shatter after just one hit, but no. They take forever to break. I don't get it. Lots of the enemies are just annihilated after just one hit, but not those. Don't fuck with the coffee cups.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': ''[voiceover]'' The boss battles are cool, although sometimes really random, like this blue guy that comes apart. Come on, die! Alright-- Oh, he's still got a head! Yeah! You got the crystal monkey man, the evil snowman, the fire dragon, the flame guy, the face that emerges from the wall, the woman who multiplies into three; gotta shoot the real one. Then there's the Grim Reaper who looks like Dracula from [[w:Castlevania II: Simon's Quest|''Castlevania II,'']] then there's the plant which reminds me of [[w:The Little Shop of Horrors|''Little Shop of Horrors,'']] which is an interesting connection because [[w:Rick Moranis|Rick Moranis]] starred in [[w:Little Shop of Horrors (film)|the remake]], and he was Louis in ''Ghostbusters.'' Then you got Stay Puft who relentlessly attacks you during the stage, but then at the end, you finally get to punish him for all the shit he put you through. Die! Die! Get him, get him, get him, get him, get him, get him! Yeah! He's dead as shit!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': ''[voiceover]'' In a sea of terrible ''Ghostbusters'' games, this one ''[Ghostbusters for Sega Genesis]'' stands out, and it's still fun to play. If you can somehow get your hands on it, I'd check it out.
:'''The Nerd''': So, this concludes my 3-part review of all the ''Ghostbusters'' games that I can get my hands on. Is it kinda ironic that I end on one that's actually kinda decent? I don't know. I mean, is it anymore ironic that [[w:Lorenzo Music|the same guy who did the voice for Garfield]] did the voice for Peter Venkman in the ''Ghostbusters'' cartoon? Well, Bill Murray was a live-action Peter Venkman, and he also did the voice of Garfield in [[w:Garfield: The Movie|the movie]].
:'''The Nerd''': ''[voiceover]'' And one more thing: ''[[w:Ghostbusters: Afterlife|Ghostbusters 3]]''. Is it ''really'' gonna happen? ''Should'' it happen? Well, if they made ''The Santa Clause 3,'' ''Free Willy 3,'' ''Home Alone 3,'' ''Psycho 3,'' ''The Neverending Story 3,'' ''Problem Child 3,'' and about ten thousand ''Scary Movie'' and ''American Pie'' sequels, all the crap that gets shat out of Hollywood's big fat fuckin' ass, I don't see why ''Ghostbusters 3'' shouldn't get made. I grew up with those movies. I would love to see those guys put on the proton packs one more time. Even if the whole movie's just the Ghostbusters sittin' around takin' a shit, I'd go see it.

=== [[w:Spider-Man video games|Spider-Man]] ===

:'''Kyle Justin as Spider-Man:''' ''(on ''Spider-Man'' on Atari 2600)'' '''THIS GAME SUCKS MY SPIDER-BALLS!''' IT'S HORRIBLE!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': ''(on ''Spider-Man: Return of the Sinister Six'')'' The game's ''Spider-Man: Return of the Sinister Shit''.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Spider-Man:''' ''(hitting himself with the Game Boy in frustration)'' What the fuck is wrong with these game designers?! They don't know what the fuck they're doing! I can't believe they did this to me! They made a game out of me and it's fuckin' shit!! IT'S HORRIBLE! ''(throws the Game Boy to the ground)''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Spider-Man:''' ''(while AVGN jokes about the pizza-delivering objectives early in ''Spider-Man 2'' on Game Boy Advance)'' I'm a super hero. I shouldn't be known as a pizza delivery man.
:'''AVGN''': I wish Spider-Man would deliver my pizzas every day.
:'''Spider-Man:''' ''(raises middle finger to AVGN)'' I'm gonna fucking shove a pizza up your fuckin' ass!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Kyle Justin:''' (singing to the tune of the Spider-Man theme song)
:''Spider-Man, Spider-Man''
:''Takes a dump in a coffee can''
:''Plays some games with a grudge''
:''Gonna shit out some anal fudge''
:''Look out, here comes some shitty games''
:''Alcohol is his power source''
:''Takes a piss like a drunken horse''
:''Climbs a wall, then he falls''
:''This game sucks his spider-balls''
:''Oh no, he's playing the shitty games''
:''When he plays his games''
:''He feels so ashamed''
:''He shoots web from his wrist''
:''But now Spider-Man's fucking pissed''

=== [[w:Sega CD|Sega CD]] ===

:'''The Nerd''': Wow. It's like you get to play the games on a CD! Check out the graphics! Full motion video, opposed to video that ''isn't'' full motion! 64 simultaneous colors! 12.5 MHz processor! '''''Holy shit!''''' This thing is total '''''FUCKIN' GAR-BITCH!''''' How would you like it if I conduct the rest of the video like this? ''(screen becomes smaller and the video choppier, like the Sega CD's &quot;FMV.&quot;)'' &quot;Full motion video&quot;, my fuck! I'd rather be full fuckin' screen!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': So you put the fuckin' game in, and oh, guess what? It runs off of its own power adapter. Yeah, that's two. One for the Genesis and one for the Sega CD. If it can't run off the same power, why couldn't it just be its own independent system? Instead it's like a fuckin' parasite or somethin'. Then there's this problem: the load time. Load of fuck! You could go dump your fuck in the fucking time it takes. So if you're gonna play the Sega CD, grab a fucking beer and be patient.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': ''[[w:The Adventures of Willy Beamish|Willy Beamish]]''. The teacher talks to you, and you come up with answers. Should I say, &quot;Oh, that was my frog, Horny.&quot;? The frog's name is &quot;Horny&quot;?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd: '''Now we got ''Sol-Feace''. More like ''Sol-Feces''! Well, holy shit, I gotta be honest. It reminds me of ''R-Type'' or ''LifeForce'', and that's pretty cool, so all I gotta say is, this one's not bad.

=== [[w:Sega 32X|Sega 32X]] ===

:'''The Nerd''': The Sega CD had its place in history. I mean, don't get me wrong, it's a piece of shit. But it had a certain appeal. The 32X is the real deal. It sucks. Oh God, it sucks. You plop it on the top of the Genesis, like they're mating. God, I mean, do you think that's enough add-ons? It doesn't even look aesthetically presentable. I mean, it's just like an ugly tumor. I mean, did they really need all this bullshit leeching on the Genesis? That poor Genesis is just thinking: &quot;Oh, please, God, take this shit off me.&quot; It's like getting gang-raped. Both of its slots are getting ''fucked'' at the same time.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': ''(plugging in the power adapters for the game consoles)'' Here goes the Genesis, the Sega CD, and... bullshit. What a load of fucking bullshit. How did they fuck this up so bad? I can't even turn it the other way because it doesn't fit. Why can I only plug in two power adapters? Why can't these go sideways? Or, better yet, why the Hell do they have these box things? Why can't it just be like this? ''(ends in a thin plug)''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': ''(playing [[w:Primal Rage|Primal Rage]] with only the background visible)'' Great title screen, huh? There isn't even any title at all. ''(cuts to the character select menu, where once again no characters are visible)'' What is this? Wh-wait a minute. Oh, please, God, tell me what's going on. Why can't I see the characters? I'm playing ''Invisible Primal Rage''! Alright, let's try [[w:Virtua Fighter (video game)|Virtua Fighter]]. ''(the characters aren't visible here either)'' What the FUCK?! Guess what, we left something out. There's another cable which connects the Genesis to the 32X. Isn't it enough that the damn thing is inserted on to the ''top'' of the Genesis? Why does it need another connector? 'Look at this. It's a fuckin' mess. And what a perfect visual analogy. Sega invented the 32X to increase the lifespan of the Genesis, and that's exactly what the friggin' thing looks like. It's on life support.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': And just to celebrate their failure, or just for shits and giggles, they released a few '''CD-32X''' games, which required both the 32X ''and'' the Sega CD. So, if you happened to own ''this'' pile of vomit and ''this'' piece of shit'','' you can mix the two together.

=== [[w:Silver Surfer (video game)|Silver Surfer]] ===
:'''The Nerd:''' Alright, this is ''Silver Surfer''. Silver Shit! ''(inserts game into NES and turns it on)'' He looks so ''stupid!'' I mean, what the hell's wrong with him? He's just like... like... ''(The Nerd tries to imitate Silver Surfer's pose.)''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd:''' What'd I say before? This game's not bad? Well, no. It isn't bad. '''''It's FUCKIN' HORRIBLE!''''' And I ''dare'' you to play it.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd:''' I can't take it anymore. ''(Drinks some Yuengling)'' You know... there's really no point of going on. It's not like there's a reward, like there's a pot of gold sittin' on top of the TV. You know if you beat the game, it probably just says &quot;The End&quot;, and that's it. So to keep playing it, you gotta be a fuckin' nerd.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd:''' I mean this game just pukes snot up my ass. It's like you touch the top of the building, you die, you touch the ceiling, you die, you touch the floor, you die, too far to the right, you die, too far to the left, you die, you die, you die, you die, die, ''die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die,'' '''DIE!''' ''(lies on the floor, holds his eyes in anger, and mimics the game over screen) (upset voice)'' Oh, God, I can't fuckin' stand it.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd:''' This game is so hard, it would actually be easier to go outside in a thunderstorm and try to dodge rain. It would be easier to walk barefoot, without your toes or heels touching the floor. It'd be easier to pick fly shit out of pepper... while wearing boxing gloves! The fact you can get hit only once, pretty much means that you're weaker than every other enemy in the game. HOW DO YOU DIE FROM JUST TOUCHING A WALL?! I can understand if he's flying at like 200 miles per hour and he ''crashes'' into the wall, but the fact that he just ''touches'' the wall and dies is just ridiculous. I never read any of the comics, so I don't know what Silver Surfer's powers are, but isn't he supposed to be pretty strong? So why'd they make him into a wimp?! Why is he fuckin' up rubber ducks and weepin' like a crybaby? It's like some sort of fuckin' joke! Like what if they had Bruce Lee tripping over his own shoelaces? It's a fuckin' insult! This game should've been classic! But instead, it's worthless! It's as worthless as this fuckin' LJN poster I have back here! Man, I would just piss and shit all over this fuckin' game! In fact, JUST THINKING ABOUT IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE HAVIN' AN ANAL EVACUATION! ''(Swigs some Yuengling)'' Fuck...! ''(Gets up, takes game out, and then throws it against the wall)''

=== [[w:Die Hard (video game)|Die Hard]] ===
:'''The Nerd''': Somewhere up here, there's a rope which, I don't know if it's important or not. You blow up this gym locker or whatever it is and he says, &quot;'''I'd have to be desperate to tie that on and jump off! No, thanks!'''&quot; Are you kidding me? Have you ever had a video game character talk back to you and say, &quot;No, I'm not gonna do that!&quot;? Going back to ''Mario'' again, what if Mario just said &quot;You know, I'm really not feeling up to jumping over that platform. No, thanks!&quot;? This is ridiculous. I mean, he won't climb down with a rope, but he'll jump out a window and fucking kill himself?!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': So, I'm taking the stairs down, now I found some blueprint of the 5th floor. Whoa! Now we're talking about the 5th floor? &quot;Take out the main computer&quot;? I'm getting confused. So, I'm going around, trying to kill people, and Officer Carl Winslow keeps talking to me. So, I'm just walking around, waiting for whatever random stuff to happen, then the police car blows up! I'm like, &quot;What does this have to do with anything?&quot; But then Steve Urkel comes on! I'm like, &quot;What the fuck!?&quot;
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': There's guys around every corner, there's guys coming out of the elevator, there's guys coming out of your ass, it's crazy!

=== [[w:Independence Day (video game)|Independence Day]] ===

:'''AVGN''': '''Oh God...''' '''Oh ''God!''''' Let me ask a question: what do you get when you take a movie, that's ASS, and you make it into a game? You get a pieceashit! Now, if you get a piece of ass, that's... a good thing. But if you get a pieceaSHIT, you don't want that! And this of course, is ''[[w:Independence Day (video game)|Independence Day]]'' for the [[w:PlayStation (console)|Playstation]]. I don't even wanna talk about this. It's makin' me sick. MAKIN' ME '''''SICK!'''''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': I think it's a graphic flaw. Nothing appears until it's right up in your fuckin' face! What the '''ASS''' is that all about? To describe this game's assness, all I can say is, it's ''very'' ass.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': The radar doesn't do diddly dick! It's too small, it makes no fuckin' sense, and...I don't like it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': The worst thing about this is that it makes me feel really guilty to be playing it! Like I should be doing something better with my time—like rolling dog turds in cement! Like, I gotta get away from this game! I gotta get out of this room! I gotta go out somewhere &amp; do something wild—like get a tattoo on my face of a goat holding up a baby snorting cocaine off its penis!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': You know, I played a lotta fuck in my day, but this game is... ''FUCK.'' The lack of music, the droning effect it has, it reminds me of somethin' very similar. Something from the past. ''Top Gun'' on the NES. ''[Top Gun music and screenshots from game accompany The Nerd's speech.]'' While I hated it and it drove me insane, I would rather play this than ''Independence Day''. In fact, just thinkin' about it is like a breath of fresh air. Makes me feel like a shitty log comin' out of a buffalo's ass and landin' in a bowl of M&amp;Ms.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': Now, as always, I don't care if you agree with my opinions on games, but what I do care, you enjoy the video, you have a great 4th of July, drink some beers, but be safe, and most important - celebrate ''your'' independence ''not'' to play ''shitty fuckin' games.''

=== [[w:list of The Simpsons video games|The Simpsons]] ===
:'''AVGN''': Bringing back the horrible memories of these games can best be described like this: Imagine if you trapped a wet, smelly piece of dog shit inside an airtight container. Then, like twenty years later, you open that shit up, you take a good smell, and there you go. Welcome back.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': ''(playing ''Bart vs. the Space Mutants'')'' It's strangely satisfying to jump on those aliens' heads. After all, don't you wish you could just go around killing aliens? Not making purple things not purple? Why not just fucking shit all over 'em and make everything brown?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': I just wanted to point out that for a game titled &quot;''Bart vs. the World''&quot;, there really isn't a lot of &quot;the world&quot; in the game. No shit, right? Just Egypt, China, the North Pole, and Hollywood? Pretty fucking educational, right? When I was eleven years old, my whole world was video games, just locked in my room playing ''Bart vs. the Space Mutants'' and all this crap. And I wasted all my time on this shit! I want it back! It ruined my life! ''(drinks beer)'' Bart's my ass and Krusty's my balls! Fuck this shit. Now I'm gonna eat my own shorts. ''(the Nerd puts his beer down, rips out his boxers with his teeth, and devours it in a ravenous manner)''

=== [[w:The Bugs Bunny Birthday Blowout|The Bugs Bunny Birthday Blowout]] ===
:'''The Nerd''': ''(sarcastically)'' Wow, how awesome could ''this'' be? ''Bugs Bunny's Birthday Blowout.'' Well, it was a blowout, alright. Blowout your ASS!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': Yeah, this game's really a no-brainer. ''[drinks beer]''
:''[Bugs Bunny appears in Nerd's room]''
:'''The Nerd''': ''[spits out beer]'' '''''OH MY GOD! IT'S BUGS BUNNY!'''''
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Nyah... ''[eats carrot]'' What’s up, Doc?
:'''The Nerd''': ''[walks up to Bugs]'' I can't believe it! In my own house! Bugs Bunny! '''''BUGS FUCKIN' BUNNY!''''' ''[punches Bugs in the stomach and in the face]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': This game is garbage!
:'''Bugs Bunny''': Nyaaaah-
:'''The Nerd''': ''[grabs Bugs by the ears and pounds his head on the floor; the commas that follow mark the head pounding]'' '''''I'D RATHER PUT MY BALLS IN A CROCODILE'S MOUTH, WHILE SHOVING MY HEAD UP A UNICORN'S ASSHOLE!'''''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Bugs Bunny:''' Nyah, what's up, fuck-cock vagina fuck-fuck?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Bugs Bunny:''' Nyah, ain't I a fuckin' stinker, motherfucker?!
:'''The Nerd''': Ain't you a goddamn fockin' pieceashit!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': ''[after finding out Bugs' friends were pulling pranks on him]'' I'LL SHOW ''YOU'' SOME FUNNY TRICKS! ''[headbutts Bugs and starts punching him]''
:'''Bugs''': ''[while being pummeled]'' Nyyyyyyyyyaaaaaaaaaah, what's up, '''''COCK?!'''''
:'''The Nerd''': ''[kicks him in the face]'' I'll show you what's up, you fuckin' bunny piece of shit!

&lt;hr width= &quot;50%&gt;

:'''The Nerd''': ''[While punching Bugs Bunny]'' '''BUGS BUNNY'S BIRTHDAY BLOWOUT? WELL HOW BOUT' BUGS BUNNY'S BIRTHDAY BEATING!'''
:'''The Nerd''': ''[after pummeling Bugs to the ground]'' Ya wanna Shoruyken?!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': You want some shit? ''[drops his pants]'' '''''BOMBS AWAY, BUGS BITCH!''''' ''[diarrhea falls through a fake ass]''
:'''Bugs''': Nyyyyaaah, ''[diarrhea pours onto his face]'' '''''oh shit! OH SHIT!''''' Nyah!
:'''The Nerd''': Ugh, man! ''[takes off fake ass]'' Don't worry, folks. It's not real. ''[Merrie Melodies spoof theme starts playing and Bugs is shown in distress]'' ''[while giving middle finger]'' '''Fuck you, Bugs Bunny!''' ''[gives middle finger through fake asshole]'' '''''FUCK YOU, BUGS BUNNY!''''' ''[tosses fake ass]'' There you go. Got your ass handed to you. ''[iris out, then cut to a drum, which the Nerd pops out of in a similar fashion to Porky Pig]'' Ah-duh, ah-duh, duh, that's all, fucks! ''[raises middle finger]''

=== Atari Porn ===

:'''​The Nerd:''' (''playing'' Custer's Revenge) All ya do, is bang the chick, dodge the spears. Bang the chick, dodge the spears. Y'know, ya gotta give this guy credit; he's under attack and he still has the nerve to go over and screw this woman against a cactus. I ''think'' it's a cactus; with Atari, ya really can't tell. You know what bothers me? The spears don't even come down all the way; they like disappear, so it doesn't even make sense when they hit you. But over-analyzin' this game isn't even worth it. It's nothing more than a joke, it stirred up a lot of outrage when it came out in 1982, Native Americans were offended, women activists were offended, parents were offended if their kids got a hold of this, and ''I'' am offended, because this game's a fuckin' pieceashit!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''​The Nerd:''' (''playing'' Beat 'Em &amp; Eat 'Em) Y'know, there's ''really'' somethin' wrong with this whole scene. You gotta be a total fuckin' whore to stand naked at the bottom of a building with your mouth wide open to catch jizz from some guy jerkin' off on top of a roof! What kinda sick bitches are these?! And what's the deal with this guy? Either he has a ''huge dick'', or he's a ''dwarf!'' I mean what the fuck kinda game is this?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''​The Nerd:''' Well, what can ya say? Atari and porn. Witches, door-to-door prostitutes, rooftop beaters, cowboy rapists... what more can ya ask for? Remember the commercials? &quot;Have you played Atari today?&quot; Well fuck yeah, I did! But you don't wanna know what I was playin'.

=== [[w:Nintendo Power|Nintendo Power]] ===

:'''AVGN''': It's time to chill out. Nah, don't worry. I'm not goin' mellow on you or anything like that. And, next time, it's gonna be a game review again. But for now, I just want to take you back to one of the most important parts of my childhood: Nintendo Power. You know, today, there's Internet. Anything you want to know about any game, you just look it up. But, back then, your only source of information was magazines, like Nintendo Power. If you had a subscription, you were the man! One of your friends would be breakin' their balls to beat some game and you'll be like, &quot;Oh, I know how to beat that game.&quot;, or, &quot;I know a code.&quot; That's because you had the power. ''Nintendo'' ''Power, motherfucker!''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': One thing that used to piss me off was the NES Achievers section. It's just a buncha nerds showin' off their high scores. But, how do you prove it? You have to take a photo of your screen. And, nobody really knew how to do that. Remember, there were no digital cameras back then, so you take the picture of your screen, you have no fuckin' clue what it looks like. And, there could be, like, 20 other pictures on the roll, so, you either have to, like, waste them all or wait until it gets finished. You get your mom or dad to take it to the store to get the picture developed, it comes back, and what does it look like? It looks like fuckin' shit!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': 'Member that shitty movie ''[[w:The Wizard (film)|The Wizard]]''? and that fuckin' dumbass ''[[w:Super Mario Bros. (film)|Super Mario Bros.]]'' movie? Man, I remember readin' about that and being so excited, I couldn't ''wait'' to see that movie! But it was just like waitin' for a buffalo to take a shit all over your face. ''(Raspberry)''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': As Nintendo Power progressed, the ads went from being weird to just being fuckin' disgusting. Why the Hell is there a jar of toenail clippings in a video game magazine? What were they ''thinking''!? Now, here's the worst one yet. It's some old creepy bitch holdin' a log of shit. Goddamn. One ad was so gross, I stapled the page shut. I'm actually not joking. Then, this one just shows a hurl bag. Yeah, that's great. That just sums up how I feel about the whole situation. Nintendo Power! Don't open unless you've got a barf bag! ''(looks into Nintendo Power, then pretends to vomit into a bag)''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': There's also a contest in every issue. Grand prizes would include a sneak showing of the ''Ninja Turtles'' movie, a chance to meet Arnold Schwarzenegger, to win [[w:Bill &amp; Ted's Excellent Adventure|Bill &amp; Ted]]phone booth, to win a ''[[w:Street Fighter II|Street Fighter II]]'' arcade machine, to dig up dinosaurs, or to be an extra in ''The Mask II. The Mask II? (sarcastically)'' Oh, ''that's'' a great prize! ''(normally)'' That movie never got fuckin' made, unless you count ''[[w:Son of the Mask|Son of Mask]]'', but that wasn't until about 10 years later! And, did they give the winner a rain check for that: to be in a movie with a computer-generated baby or any of the other sequels to Jim Carrey movies that don't have Jim Carrey?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': ''(reading letters)'' &quot;It is quite apparent what an active and important role marketing plays in the video game industry. I have to wonder what you are thinking when marketing the Nintendo 64 to elementary school gamers. You risk alienating gamers 15 and up. You should target older gamers, because you'll also target younger ones, since the younger audience's perception of coolness often depends on what the older, teenage audience thinks is cool.&quot; I agree. And the response? &quot;Your suggestion inspired us to target more teens with our marketing, so tune in to a very special episode of ''Friends'' this week to see-&quot; Okay, here's ''my'' letter. &quot;Dear Nintendo Power editor, what the fuck is your problem?&quot;

=== [[w:Fester's Quest|Fester's Quest]] ===

:'''AVGN''': ''(As Fester)'' You were expecting, uh, maybe uh, the ''Ninja Turtles''? ''(a reference to the Nerd's review of the third ''Ninja Turtles'' movie)''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': ''(As Wednesday)'' This game better stop suckin' ass, or else I'm gonna have to give it the finger. The middle finger!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': ''(As Gomez)'' I think it's a shitload of fuck!
:'''AVGN''': ''(As Fester)'' Think you'd better shut your ass!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': ''(As Fester)'' That's the last guy. It's over.
:'''AVGN''': ''(As Wednesday)'' That's just the first boss.
:'''AVGN''': ''(As Fester)'' That's the last guy.
:'''AVGN''': ''(As Gomez)'' It's not.
:'''AVGN''': ''(As Fester)'' I know, but let's just say that it is, because that's all I can take.

=== [[w:The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (franchise)|The Texas Chainsaw Massacre]] ===

:'''Opening Crawl''': In 1983, a shitty game based on the Texas Chainsaw Massacre was released for the Atari 2600 by Wizard Video Games. It was a tragic failure and tried to aim for the adult market. Its pixelated violence was enough to get it banned from stores or hidden behind the counter, limiting its sales to obscurity. For them, an ideal hit movie-based game would become a nightmare. But had the game been well known, nobody would have expected nor they would wished to see as much of the mad and macabre doodoo diarrhea bullshit as they were to see in that sucky ass game. Close to 25 years later, it would be discovered by one of the most frustrated gaming geeks on the internet, The Angry Video Game Nerd.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[AVGN comes to a barn where a hillbilly playing a banjo is selling old video games]''
:'''AVGN''': What have you got here?
:'''Hillbilly''': Bunch of shit.
:'''AVGN''': I see. Unfortunately this is kind of my thing. ''(Notices the Texas Chainsaw Massacre Atari 2600 cartridge)'' How much is this one right here?
:'''Hillbilly''': A hundred.
:'''AVGN''': A hundred? As in like a hundred dollars?
:'''Hillbilly''': No, shit-for-brains, a hundred centavos. Of course a hundred dollars! We are living in the US of A, ain't we?
:'''AVGN''': I - I'll take it for 50.
:'''Hillbilly''': ..It's a hundred.
:'''AVGN''': It's a piece of shit. Look at this! Look at this stock label! I mean, do you know what this is supposed to be? Can you tell me what this is?
:'''Hillbilly''': I have no idea what that is. I can tell you what it looks like: It looks like the shit stain in the bottom of my [[w:Undergarment|drawers]] right now!
:'''AVGN''': This is a shit stain on a shitty game! That perfectly just sums it all up.
:'''Hillbilly''': That, there, is a rare video game, Boy.
:'''AVGN''': Unfortunately I'm like - like flies on a piece of shit because I just can't stay away from this stuff.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': So, when the game's over, the screen goes black, like a ''Mortal Kombat'' fatality. And the girl kicks you in the butt. How violent, she kicks you in the rear. Now I can take bodies getting slashed apart with the chainsaw, but a kick in the ass? That's fucking hardcore. Fuck this game. What a piece of shit.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': ''(after being attacked by Chop Top and Leatherface)'' You've gotta believe me, there's this guy coming after me!
:'''Hillbilly''': Hey, hey! Settle down.
:'''AVGN''': I'm not kidding! I'm really not kidding. He's-
:'''Hillbilly''': Calm down, little buddy. Be cool. Be calm. Be collected... hey, what's that over there? ''(knocks the Nerd out with his banjo)'' Batter-up, bitch boy! ''(starts dragging the Nerd away. As he does so, he sings)'' Hey there, motherfuckers... Don't tell me what I should do... 'Cause they be motherfuckers...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Chop Top''': ''(while the Nerd is being tortured by being forced to play the game)'' How do you like that, Nerd? How do ya like!? How do ya like!? ''(cackles)''
:'''Hillbilly''': Playing that game like he really don't like it? Ain't that a shame. Listen to him whimper like a little girl. HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH hee hee hee! Yeah, boy. ''(the Nerd summons enough rage to free himself from his bindings and make an escape)'' Oh, shit!

=== [[w:Halloween (franchise)|Halloween]] ===
''[the Nerd hears a knock as his door, and sees two kids; one dressed as Optimus Prime and the other dressed as Swamp Thing at his door]''
:'''Optimus Prime &amp; Swamp Thing:''' Trick-or-treat!
:'''The Nerd''': Oh, oh, you want some trick-or-treat? Okay, here's some trick-or-treat for ya! ''[grabs one of the bag and defecates into it. then he hands it back to Optimus Prime &amp; Swamp Thing]''
:'''Optimus Prime &amp; Swamp Thing:''' Ewwwwww!!
:'''The Nerd''': There you go, you little fuckers! There's some chocolate for ya.
:'''Swamp Thing:''' That's not chocolate, that's poop.
:'''The Nerd''': It's not chocolate, nor is it poop. It's ''shit!''
:'''Optimus Prime''': Hey, you dope! I want some candy!
:'''Swamp Thing''': Yeah, I want some candy!
:'''The Nerd''': Oh, yeah. ''[puts &quot;Halloween&quot; Atari 2600 game back in the box then opens door again.]'' Hey, wait! I got something for you, too! A shitty game! ''[gives it to Optimus Prime]''
:'''Optimus Prime''': What the heck is this?
:'''The Nerd''': It's an Atari game.
:'''Swamp Thing''': What the heck is an Atari, you dope?
:'''The Nerd''': Oh. Oh, you don't know what an Atari is? Oh, okay. Hang on a sec.
:'''Swamp Thing''': First you poo in my bag, then you don't give me any candy. You're a dope.
:'''The Nerd''': ''[gives Atari 2600 to Optimus Prime]'' There you go. Have fun.
:'''Optimus Prime''': Hey, you dope! I want some candy!

=== [[w:Dragon's Lair (Nintendo Entertainment System)|Dragon's Lair]] ===

:'''AVGN''': Did I just die by walking into the fuckin' door!? Yeah. Everything kills you. Literally. Everything.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': The decisions to make in this game are similar to if... say you're standing in a pool full of piss all the way up to your neck. Then somebody comes in with a bucket full of fuck to dump on your head. Do you duck down under the piss? Or do you just stay up and take on the shit? This game is like a cruel joke that you play on your friends. It's like, &quot;Hey, you wanna play a game? Here you go, you fuckers!&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': This game is notorious among gamers as being one of the most frustrating games in existence. At some time or another, it seems everyone takes a shot at it, and after this review, I'm sure many more people will suffer over it, which is unfortunate. But to quote ''[[w:Full Metal Jacket|Full Metal Jacket]]'', &quot;It's just one big shit sandwich and we all gotta take a bite.&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': ''(upon being returned to the first screen after getting a Game Over on the second)'' Man... Man, fuck that shit. Man, you think I'm gonna put myself through that again?! I - GODDAMMIT MAN - ''(imitates shooting off four of his fingers, leaving the middle one extended upward)'' MAN, FUCK this game, man! Man - Jesus Christ, I'd rather fuckin' 69 a grizzly bear while shovin' [[w:King Kong|King Kong]] up my ass! I'd rather fuckin' stand in the middle of a ring of monkeys as they pelt me to death with their own anal waste! Man, fuck this game, FUCK IT TO HELL, FUCK IT TO OBLIVION, FUCK IT TO ''DAMNATION OF MANKIND!!!''

=== An Angry Nerd Christmas Carol Part One ===

:'''AVGN''': ''(receiving ''[[w:Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (video game)|Home Alone 2]]'' for the NES in a gift-wrapped box)'' Oh gee. Thanks for sending me this crappy game! Coal would've been nice! Or even better, a bag of poop! So thanks!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''AVGN''': So, you start the game trying to escape from this hotel because they found out that you used a stolen credit card. Now you don't wanna fuck with this hotel - they'll get everybody after ya. Not even just the people who work there, but bouncing old ladies with umbrellas, mops - yeah, crazy bloodthirsty mops will try to get ya. Vacuum cleaners? Yeah, those suck you up.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''AVGN''': Here, get up the ladder! Get up the fuckin' ladder! There's birds shittin' all over me! Get up the fuckin' ladder! Fuck, fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK! ''(yells in anger and takes the game out of his NES)'' Merry Christmas, you filthy animal! YOU MISERABLE FUCKIN' CUNT! PIECE OF SHIT! ''(hurls the game off-screen and walks up to his game cabinet)'' Shitty games! All my life! Shitty fuckin' games! I hate shitty fuckin' games! And I hate shitty fuckin' Christmas because shitty fuckin' Christmas means more ''shitty fuckin' games!'' HUMBUG! BAH! '''''FUCKIN' HUMBUG IT TO HEEEEEEEEELL!'''''

=== An Angry Nerd Christmas Carol Part Two ===

:'''Stuttering Craig as the Ghost of Christmas Past''': Greetings, Nerd! Forgive this intrusion, for it is I, the Ghost of Christmas Past!
:'''AVGN:''' ''(hits himself on the head)'' I ain't seeing this!
:'''Ghost of Christmas Past''': Why do you doubt your senses, Nerd?
:'''AVGN:''' Because, I wasn't ready to go completely insane tonight.
:'''Ghost of Christmas Past''': But you already have! Drowning in your own misery and torment!
:'''AVGN:''' ''(Extends his middle finger)'' You see this?
:'''Ghost of Christmas Past''': I ''do'' see it.
:'''AVGN:''' ...But you're not looking at it.
:'''Ghost of Christmas Past''': But I ''see'' it.
:'''AVGN:''' ...Look. Ghost. Why do you come to me?
:'''Ghost of Christmas Past''': Well, to take you back to the past!
:'''AVGN:''' To play the shitty games that suck ass? No thanks.
:'''Ghost of Christmas Past''': This is ''your'' past, Nerd!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Handsome Tom as the Ghost of Christmas Present''': You remember the excitement?
:'''AVGN:''' Who are you?
:'''Ghost of Christmas Present''': I'm the Ghost of Christmas Present, bitch.
:'''AVGN:''' Well what do you want?
:'''Ghost of Christmas Present''': I just wanted to remind you the fond memories you had of Super Nintendo. You remember ''[[w:Super Metroid|Metroid]]''? ''[[w:The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past|Zelda]]''? ''[[w:Super Mario World|Mario]]''? You only choose to dwell on crap. You know what you're doing right now?
:'''AVGN:''' Talking to you?
:'''Ghost of Christmas Present''': No, this is all out of body. Don't you get it? Right now you're looking back at reviewing one of the worst games on the Super Nintendo. ''(AVGN looks through a nearby door to see himself reviewing a game.)''
:'''Other AVGN''': ''[[w:Shaq Fu|Shaq Fu]]''. Just the name makes people cringe. Like, you don't even wanna go there.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Other AVGN''': The title doesn't even sound good. ''Shaq Fu''? It's like a joke. I mean just the fact that they can release a ''fighting'' game starring [[w:Shaquille O'Neal|Shaquille O'Neal]] and call it ''Shaq Fu'' pretty much proves that you can put &quot;Fu&quot; at the end of anything. How about &quot;[[w:Robin Williams|Robin Williams]] Fu&quot; or &quot;[[w:U2|U2]]Fu&quot;? I mean, who came up with this shit!? What, were they smoking crack up their ass!?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Future AVGN''': You remember the Nintendo Wii? Yeah, that's actually what they called it. But it was very revolutionary when it first came out. But looking at it now, it's like a baby's toy. Now, I got this bullshit fuck game called ''[[w:Far Cry Vengeance|Far Cry Vengeance]]''. Now you put the word &quot;Vengeance&quot; at the end of anything, and it's sure to suck.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': IT'S CHRISTMAS! WHAT A GLORIOUS CHRISTMAS DAY! ''(goes back to his games cabinet cackling with euphoria)'' Look at all these games! Look at all these games! I think I'm gonna play ''[[w:Super Mario World|Super Mario World]]''! Fuck yeah! This game's awesome! In fact, I should just play good games from now on. ''(after a moment, the Nerd's expression turns sour, and he turns off the game and grabs the Virtual Boy)'' Man, fuck that! Let's play some shitty ones!

=== [[w:The Legend Of Zelda|Chronologically Confused 2: The Legend of Zelda Timeline]] ===
:'''AVGN''': [[w:Shigeru Miyamoto|Shigeru Miyamoto]], the man responsible for all these great games did an interview with Nintendo Power sometime before the release of the [[w:The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time|Ocarina of Time]] and this is what he said. &quot;Ocarina of Time is the first story, then the original [[w:The Legend of Zelda (video game)|Legend Of Zelda]], then [[w:Zelda II: The Adventure of Link|Zelda II: The Adventure of Link]] and finally [[w:The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past|A Link to the Past]]. It's not very clear where [[w:The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening|Link's Awakening]] fits in. It could be anytime after Ocarina of Time.&quot; Now whoa, I'm nobody to argue. Don't get me wrong about the man himself, but how is Link to the Past the last? I had a hard time accepting that any game would take place before it, but now it's the last? Then why is it called Link to the Past? If it was meant to be the end, why wouldn't it be called Link to the Future?

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:'''AVGN''': So what right do I have to argue with Miyamoto? I don't. However, I can offer three explanations to why he says Link to the Past goes at the end. 1, He was being interviewed and he was caught on the spot, so it could've been a simple mistake. 2, Link to the Past was once a prequel, but its place in the timeline changed so his quote is somehow correct. 3, it's just a game so who gives a shit?

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:'''AVGN''': Now a second Zelda game was for the Nintendo 64 was released, [[w:The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask|Majora's Mask]]. This one was a sequel to Ocarina of Time. But wait, not a sequel to the end where adult Link defeats Ganon, No! It's a sequel to young Link after he got sent back. So now any speculation of Nintendo ever making a sequel to Zelda II is deader than shit. They can't even make a sequel that follows in consecutive order. Instead, they just keep going back and then maybe taking a small step up again and then back again. We have a sequel to the original, a prequel to the original, a sequel to the prequel, a prequel to the prequel, and a sequel of the young Link of the prequel's prequel. WHAT THE FUCK?! At this point, if you want to try to make any sense out of this whole thing then go right ahead, but not me. At this point, I really didn't give a shit.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''AVGN''': What about the games on the Philips CD-I? There was ''Zelda: Wand of Gamelon'', ''Link: The Faces of Evil'', &amp; ''Zelda’s Adventure''. And hey, Princess Zelda actually plays a bigger role in those games. So why don’t you count those? Maybe because they suck diarrhea shit from an asshole fountain.

=== [[w:Rambo (video game)|Rambo]] ===

:'''AVGN''': Fuck. I gotta do ''this'' one now? Well, guess I might as well, 'cuz there's a new ''Rambo'' movie comin' out. Back in the '80s, ''[[w:Rambo|Rambo]]'' was ''the'' shit, but the NES game was just plain fuck. ''(the Nerd puts the game in the NES toploader)'' Well, it's based off ''[[w:Rambo: First Blood Part II|Rambo: First Blood Part II]]'' rather than the [[w:First Blood|first one]]. I guess making a game where you're going around killing cops... ''probably'' wasn't their best interest.

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:'''AVGN''': When Rambo meets the girl for the second time in the game, you're given an option. Rather than conducting business, you can say: &quot;What do you think of me?&quot; The game doesn't advance until you stop asking it, so what's the point? And how cocky can Rambo be to expect a compliment? She could have said, &quot;What do I think of you? You look like a hairless gorilla and when your mouth is open, you really freak me out.&quot;

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:'''AVGN''': Why does the fuckin' password have to be so goddamn long?! Is it really necessary to have both capital and lowercase letters, as well as numbers, question marks and exclamation marks too?! If you're writing this down, you're gonna get confused. S's look like 5's, 0's look like O's, capital and lowercase letters can look identical, and lowercase L's look like 1's and uppercase I's. That's something I have '''''no''''' tolerance for. The password system should be '''''simple, straightforward, and easy to use.''''' As long as you know the password, you should be able to enter it, and '''move on.''' It doesn't need to be a '''''fucking project!''''' Assholes!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''AVGN''': But then comes ''[[w:Rambo (2008 film)|Rambo.]]'' How do you follow ''[[w:Rambo III|Rambo III]]'' with just ''Rambo?'' That doesn't even make any sense. It's like you're going backwards. So, now if someone says, &quot;I'm watching ''Rambo,''&quot; it's like, &quot;Oh. Oh, what do you mean? Do you mean ''First Blood?'' Or do you mean ''Rambo: First Blood Part II?'' Or do you mean ''Rambo,'' the 4th movie?&quot; That's what it is, the fourth fuckin' movie! Why couldn't they have just called it ''Rambo IV?'' One, two, three, four!! ''(Pretends to have head explosion, then goes nuts and collapses on the floor while he rips a poster off the wall.)''

== Season Three ==

=== [[w:Virtual Boy|Virtual Boy]] ===
:'''The Nerd''': Virtual reality seemed like the way of the future. Just the idea feeling like you were in the game was an awesome concept. But instead, it turned out to be the grand mother-load of shit. The first problem was it was marketed as a portable system. Yeah, portable. My ass is portable! You could barely find a comfortable way to play this big, red, ugly piece of shit at home, let alone bring it somewhere. Like, you couldn't play it in a car or something like that. And, come to think of it, you wouldn't want to play this thing in public anyway. You'd look like an asshole!
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:'''The Nerd''': [''playing'' Galactic Pinball] So, in the long run, it just makes you wish you were playing a real pinball machine instead or anything other than this. '''''I feel like I'm taking an eye exam.''''' And speaking of that, my eyes are starting to hurt already. If you play this long enough and go blind, you can really become the [[Tommy (The Who album)|Pinball Wizard]].
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:'''The Nerd''': Well now, we saved the worst for last: It's ''[[w:Waterworld (video game)|Waterworld]]''. Now, let's just stop for a moment and take this in, okay? ''[Breathes deeply]'' ''Waterworld''... on Virtual Boy. It's like pukin' on a pile of shit!
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:'''The Nerd''': ''[after he reviews Waterworld on Virtual Boy]'' Well, that's it. The Virtual Boy was such a flop it died than less than a year. Yeah, and I didn't pick these games, this is all of them. I just reviewed every Virtual Boy game to be released in North America. That's right, I am holding the entire library of games for this piece of shit in one hand! With the exception of Jack Bros., which is rare, expensive, and probably not worth jack shit.
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:'''The Nerd''': ''[from the HQ and DVD version]'' It's time for an update because now I have Jack Bros., thank you very much. It's like I talk about shit, and somebody sends me shit. So, let's give it a look and make this whole episode complete. Jack Bros., here we go. It's in Japanese, and since this game's story based, I'm not gonna be able to read any of the text. But the story doesn't concern us; we wanna know how it plays. You get a choice of three characters who look like Halloween mascots. Jack Frost, Jack Lantern, and a skeleton named Jack the Ripper. He's the coolest character, but his attack is just a sword, while the rest of the characters can shoot projectiles. That's real deceiving! It's almost like they planned it that way. Obviously, you're gonna pick the fuckin' skeleton, but they give him the shittiest weapon! So it plays like a typical overhead view, where you have to fight monsters, collect keys, and find an exit before time runs out. Instantly, it reminds me of Gauntlet. And that's not a bad thing. For such a rare game, it's not half-bad. But it doesn't utilize the Virtual Boy in any unique way. It goes 3-D a little, when you drop to a lower platform, but overall, it just comes down to the same thing: this should've been on Game Boy. This has nothing to do with Virtual Reality! I don't feel like I'm there! They didn't even TRY to make it virtual! Instead, they were just jacking off! And that takes care of the whole Virtual Boy catalogue.
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:'''The Nerd''': Now, to be fair, most of the games are okay, but they're the same kind of games you might as well be playing on a regular TV screen! I mean, they tried to take advantage of some 3D elements. But this wasn't called 3D Boy. It was called Virtual Boy! And they didn't even attempt. They didn't even attempt a virtual reality concept. What it needed was some first-person shooter games, like Doom! That would have been awesome. Now, it's been about 10 years, the technology's got it better, but... nobody really gives a shit about virtual reality anymore. And maybe, that's for the best. ''[he flips the bird at the Virtual Boy where it combusts and the episode ends]''
=== [[w:The Wizard of Oz (video game)|The Wizard of Oz]] ===

:'''The Nerd:''' But now, on with the game. Let's start off with the enemy run-down. We got bloodthirsty bluebirds, frogs, chattering teeth, pink soldiers, some weird-looking dude, flying elephants which are supposed to be monkeys, a blobby blue guy, and killer chairs. Is this ''[[w:The Wizard of Oz (1939 film)|Wizard of Oz]]'' or ''[[w:Pee-wee's Playhouse|Pee-wee's Playhouse]]''? Then, there's all these buzz saws. Kinda violent, don't you think? Everything imaginable wants you dead. Even water faucets coming out of trees. Even the hands of a clock can kill you. ''(holding an analog clock)'' Oh God, there it is! Watch out for the clock! ''(imitates getting attacked by the clock)''

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:'''The Nerd:''' Remember the scene from the movie where Dorothy kicks the shit out of a giant crow wearing a vest?

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:'''Cowardly Lion:''' With a knuck! And a ruck! And a fuck! And a f-fuck!
:'''The Nerd:''' Hey man, did you just swear?!
:'''Cowardly Lion:''' Uh, ''(laughs)'' yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, fuck you, fuck you, dick, dick, dick! ''(laughs)''
:'''The Nerd:''' ''(resumes explaining the game)'' Now, the only problem with the Lion is that after he dies only once...
:'''Cowardly Lion:''' ''(Gasps)'' Die?
:'''The Nerd:''' ...he never comes back!
:'''Cowardly Lion:''' ''(The Cowardly Lion runs out, but dies in an explosion.)'' Fuck!

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:'''The Nerd:''' SHIT! Come on!
:'''Cowardly Lion:''' ''(Chuckles)'' ''(He sees the Wicked Witch)'' Oh, is that the Witch? Is that the Witch? She's a bitch, not a witch! (Chortles)
:'''The Nerd:''' Come on, you fuckin' green bitch! Melt like diarrhea in the hot sun!
:'''Cowardly Lion:''' (Chortles) Yeah! Now, Shove her broom right up her ass! Fuck that bitch! Fuck that bitch! Fuck! Wicked Witch of the East, Wicked Witch of the West, Wicked Witch of the fuck, Wicked Witch of my ass! (Chortles and barks)

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:'''The Nerd:''' There's no shitty game like this, I'm serious. Like, it shouldn't have been made. Like, it's almost half as bad as ''Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde''. And I know it's been like 40-something reviews and I'm still talking about ''Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde''. But I'm serious, it's really almost that bad! FUCK THIS GAME, WATCH IT GO! ''(The Nerd throws the game, the same time the Cowardly Lion shits while doing a handstand making the game glued to the ceiling.)'' Daaaaaamn! You just plastered the game on my ceiling with your shit!
:''(The Lion laughs)''

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:''[Outtake]''
:'''Cowardly Lion:''' Wicked Witch of the East, Wicked Witch of the West, Wicked Witch of my balls, Wicked Witch of the fuck, Wicked Witch of my dick, Wi-- Wicked Witch of the ass. Wi-- Wicked Witch...
:''''The Nerd:''' ''[cracking up]'' Wicked Witch of the ass! ''[Laughs]''

=== Double Vision Part One ===

:'''The Nerd:''' The [[w:Intellivision|Intellivision]] came from [[w:Mattel|Mattel Electronics]]. Now, you know what else they made? The Power Glove. Now, that's a bad sign right there. But, it was a great game system for its time.

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:'''The Nerd:''' The games barely fit in the cartridge slot. It's like trying to stick your dick in a Cheerio.

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:'''The Nerd:''' Okay, we gotta move on, but let me introduce the [[w:Intellivoice|Intellivoice Voice Synthesis Module]]. What the fuck is that? Well, it makes your games talk. Yeah. Now, at the time, the idea having voices in video games was a new thing. But unfortunately, only a few games were compatible, like ''[[w:B-17 Bomber (video game)|B-17 Bomber]].''
:'''Electronic Voice:''' Mattel Electronics presents: ''(hillbilly voice)'' ''B-17 Bomber.''
:'''The Nerd:''' ''(mimics the voice)'' '''''B-17 BOMBER!'''''
:'''Electronic Hillbilly Voice:''' ''B-17 Bomber!''
:'''The Nerd:''' Alright, fuck the game. Let's try ''Bomb Squad.''
:'''Electronic Voice:''' Mattel Electronics presents: ''Bomb Squad.'' ''(Alarm buzzes)'' They'll never do it in time! The code! The code! Figure out the code!
:'''The Nerd:''' '''''What?''''' Guess I gotta defuse the bomb.
:'''Electronic Voice:''' It won't be easy! Replace this third, this fourth, this second, this first!
:'''The Nerd:''' '''''Oh, shit!''''' '''''OH, SHIT! OH, GOD! '''(Explosion)''

=== Double Vision Part Two ===

:'''The Nerd:''' ''(Also sprach Zarathustra from ''2001: A Space Odyssey'' plays in the background)'' What's that? A metamorphic stone rising from the blackness and negative Earth, a towering behemoth of monstrosity brought down by extraterrestrial powers, or a giant monolith of death, Hell-bent on the annihilation of humankind, time, and all matter? No. It's the AC adapter for a [[w:Colecovision|Colecovision]]''(The Nerd &quot;struggles&quot; to pick it up.)'' '''WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY THINKING?!''' IS THIS NECESSARY?! Look! I can't fit this Godforsaken piece of shit in the electrical outlet, unless there's nothing next to it! What a fucking hog! That's what it is; a self-indulgent glutton of a power hog.

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:'''The Nerd:''' [Campaign '84] &quot;'''You were seen putting your shoes on before you put on your pants.'''&quot; Okay, well who the hell was watching me get dressed!? If I wanna put my shoes on first, that's my own goddamn business!

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:'''The Nerd:''' But before I end it, let's take a look at the ColecoVision Expansion Module. Yeah, what gaming system is complete without some kind of peripheral? You plug it in, and now you can play Atari 2600 games. That's right, I'm playing Atari on ColecoVision, its competitor. Okay, that would ''never'' happen today. That's like if Sony said, &quot;Okay, we're gonna come out with this new expansion module for the [[w:Playstation 3|Playstation 3]]. You're gonna be able to play [[w:X-Box|X-Box]] games on it.&quot; ''There would be lawsuits up the ass!''

=== [[w:The Wizard (film)|The Wizard]] and [[w: Super Mario Bros. 3|Super Mario Bros. 3]] ===
:'''The Nerd:''' Especially when you get to the last world, it can get real challenging. This part doesn't fuck around. It's like, &quot;you got to the end, you dare to play, welcome to Hell.&quot; That's what it looks like, all this fire and skulls, it looks like Hell! There's sorta like a heart shape around it. Yeah, a heart around Hell. Does that mean that this game loves Hell? This game worships the Devil! Oh, my God, of course it does! Why is there so many inverted crosses? What's the H stand for? Hell?? How about the part with the Tarot cards? The &quot;N&quot;? Necronomicon?? The &quot;P&quot; must be Possession. Or maybe Pentagram. Well, of course, the pentagram makes an appearance everywhere. It's no doubt that the seven sons of Bowser represent the Seven Deadly Sins. You kneel before Satan on the block, and after 6 seconds, you fall through. There's 6 arrows on the possession meter, and to reach the goal, you go to the 6th door. That's 666. Everywhere you look, it's the Number of the Beast. In ''The Wizard'', the game's introduction is basically the gates of Hell opening.
'''Video Armageddon Host:''' Come up here, my little beauties!!
'''Crowd:''' 6! 6! 6!
:'''The Nerd:''' Yeah, &quot;Video Armageddon!&quot; The Devil watches you through the whole game. The clouds have eyes, the hills have eyes. Heh, literally, &quot;the hills have eyes.&quot; Thanks Heaven, and we know that there's no need to thank Heaven unless there's the presence of ​Hell. There's 8 worlds. In the eighth world, there's 5 spaces you can stand on where giant hands drag you down to your doom. There's 12 tanks you gotta jump on before the goal, and it takes me 12 jumps to get Bowser to fall down the hole. The 8th letter of the alphabet is H, 5 equals E, 12 equals L, what's that spell? HELL! And what's it sound like when you play the game backwards? (footage is reversed; profanity-laced subliminal message plays) This game's a product of the fucking devil. And none of the other Mario games were like this, so I don't know why it's only this one. But in conclusion, all I can say is that, other than being the total epitome of evil, ''Super Mario Bros. 3'', it's a good game. So good, it's a ''sin''.

=== [[w:List of Nintendo Entertainment System accessories|NES Accessories]] ===
:'''The Nerd''': ''[Reviewing the [[w:Miracle Piano|Miracle Piano]]&lt;nowiki&gt;]&lt;/nowiki&gt;'' Other than having standard lessons, you also get a robot game. Play the song right or the robot dies! Then there's a duck game You gotta shoot the ducks. Oh, come on! ''[begins tapping keys rapidly]'' Yeah, I'm shooting ducks with a piano!

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:'''The Nerd''': ''[reviewing the Power Pad and playing ''World Class Track Meet'' with it]'' It was meant to be a family game, but most kids I knew played it alone in their room. And that meant that if your room was upstairs, your parents would hear like all this thumping and shit. They hated it. Cats and dogs would piss and shit on it. In fact, just thinking about it... makes me feel like having an anal evacuation.

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:'''The Nerd''': Yeah. It all comes down to tapping buttons, which brings us to our next accessory. Probably the ''stupidest'' thing ever invented: The SpeedBoard. What is it? It's a piece of fucking plastic. You attach your controller, you get it? In case you don't wanna hold the controller with your hands, in case you enjoy playing on the floor, or behind a table, then this is for you. It's embarrassing. What's the point? To put the speed at your fingers? ''Why in the '''ass''' would I need '''that?''''' If I'm playing a game that involves having to tap the buttons like crazy, I'm probably gonna get a turbo controller, like the NES Max, or NES Advantage. How could they even ''sell'' such a thing? Even though it's made by [Pressman Toys,] a third party company, it was actually licensed by Nintendo. It's like covering a turd in ice cream sprinkles.
:'''The Nerd''': Next up, oh boy: the [[w:Konami|Konami]] [[w:LaserScope|LaserScope.]] Now, I just wanna go on record by saying I fuckin' love Konami, but this thing reeks of ass! It's essentially yet another form of the Zapper, but it's voice-controlled. To shoot, you say &quot;Fire!&quot;
:'''The Nerd''': '''''Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire!''''' It also has headphones, and it advertises on the box that you can use it for your Game Boy or Walkman. Just detach the scope module, yeah. Wow. Yeah, I would look &quot;so cool&quot; walking around listening to my [[w:iPod|iPod]] with this fuckin' thing on my head.
:'''The Nerd:''' It also advertises that &quot;Parents will love what they don't hear.&quot; It says, &quot;While the LaserScope surrounds the player with the sounds of exciting gameplay action, non players can listen to music, read a book, talk on the phone or have a conversation in the same room.&quot; Yeah. While you're saying, '''''&quot;Fire! Fire! Fire!&quot;,''''' it kinda defeats the purpose, right? '''''Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire!''''' Fuck! ''[game shoots]'' I didn't say &quot;Fire!&quot;, I said &quot;Fuck!&quot; Fuck! Fuck-Fire! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Ass! You can say anything. Shit! Bitch! Cunt! Fuck! Fart! ''[shifts to [[w:Duck Hunt|Duck Hunt]].]'' ''Fuck!'' Heh. Wow, I just shot down a duck by sayin' &quot;Fuck!&quot;

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:'''The Nerd''': [of the Roll &amp; Rock] I'm drinkin' Rolling Rock... ''on'' the Roll &amp; Rocker! Rolling Rock, Roll &amp; Rocker! Yeah, Rolling Rock ''on'' the Roll &amp; Rocker! ''[drinks more Rolling Rock]''

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:'''The Nerd''': ''[Playing ''[[w:Super Mario Bros.|Super Mario Bros.]]'' with the [[w:U-Force|U-Force]]&lt;nowiki&gt;]&lt;/nowiki&gt;'' Get the mushroom, oh-- Aw, now that's assy. Yeah, I know I use the word &quot;ass&quot; a lot. I guess you can say I'm an ass-oholic.

=== [[w:Indiana Jones (franchise)|Indiana Jones Trilogy]] ===

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:'''AVGN''': All right, let's play some shitty games. Now I have three games here based on the Indiana Jones trilogy. Trilogy? Oh, shit! There's a fourth movie coming out! Yeah, tomorrow in fact! For 19 years, we've been calling it the Indiana Jones trilogy. But now, it's the last day when we can actually call it that. Now, I'm psyched. I mean you can just tell, I'm all ready. So, to celebrate the occasion, let's pop this fucker in!

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:'''AVGN''': If even a single pixel of your body comes in contact with any of these walls, it sends you back into the trap. But still, where do you go? You're supposed to touch this one spot on the wall which leads you to the next room. Well, after knowing that you can't touch anything else in the room, ''why the fuck'' would you even consider trying to go through the wall?! Is there ever such a thing as a ''door''?!

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:'''AVGN''': ''(Reviewing ''[[w:Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (Nintendo Entertainment System)|Temple of Doom]]'' for [[w:Nintendo Entertainment System|NES]])'' What's up with Indiana Jones? He looks like a park ranger, and he walks like he just dumped ass.

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:'''AVGN''': All through the game you keep finding swords and guns and stuff but the big question is What do you do with them? The start button brings up this screen which shows your supplies. But how do you select your weapons? You try every button and nothing works. So what's the point of this screen? Nothing. It's just for shits and giggles. Oh well, we're having fun with our whip in the meantime. Then you find that your whip is pretty useless. You can use it to swing around and kill small insects but any of the regular bad guys, it only make them jitter around and grunt.
:'''Enemy''': Huh! Huh!
:'''AVGN''': Huh! It should be a dance. ''(Pretends he's whipping)'' Huh! Huh! Whip it! Huh! Huh!

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:'''AVGN''': ''(reviewing ''The Last Crusade'' on NES)'' How is Indiana Jones such a wimp that he can't set foot in water more shallow than a kiddie pool?

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:'''AVGN''': What dumbasses made this game? [[w:Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade|Should've sent it to the Marx brothers.]]

=== [[w:Star Trek games|Star Trek]] ===
:''[A Klingon ship is attacking The Nerd's house]''
:'''The Nerd''': Wha-what is it, you want Genesis? ''[The Nerd picks up a Sega Genesis]'' You can have Genesis!

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:''[The Nerd turns off the NES Toploader, takes out the game, puts a phaser to it and is about to blast it out of existence, but he hesitates, eases off, and shakes his head.]''
:'''The Nerd''': No. I won't destroy it. Maybe the game designers did the best they could under the given circumstances. ''[to air]'' You hear? You'll have to get your entertainment someplace else. ''[a floating Metron appears in the Nerd's room.]'' You're a Metron.
:'''Metron''': ''Does my appearance surprise you, Nerd?''
:'''The Nerd''': Not really.
:'''Metron''': ''You surprise me.''
:'''The Nerd''': How?
:'''Metron''': ''By sparing the shitty game, you have demonstrated the advanced trait of mercy.''
:'''The Nerd''': ''Mercy '''this,''' motherfucker!'' ''[shoots the Metron]''

=== [[w:Superman video games|Superman]] ===

:'''AVGN''': It's a bird! It's a plane! No, it's a shitty game! ''Superman'' for the [[w:Atari 2600|Atari 2600]]. I'm playing it on the [[w:Atari 7800|7800]] just for variety. But anyway, what could be said about Superman? He's one of the most famous superheros of all time. Even the word &quot;super&quot; is in his name. A word that implies excellence, outstanding quality and brilliant divine maginificence! ''(Gameplay of the Atari 2600 game is shown)'' Yeah, this sucks.

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:'''AVGN''': ''(reviewing ''[[w:Superman (Atari game)|Superman]]'' on Atari 2600)'' The whole game is based around the clock - it's all about getting the fastest time, but the only thing that'll eventually happenis you'll throw the game out the window faster than a speeding bullet!

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:'''AVGN''': ''(reviewing ''[[w:superman (Kemco game)|Superman]]'' on NES)'' You have a map screen which seems like it should be self-explanatory enough, but there's times when you have to use a subway train. &quot;'''Oops! You can't ride the subway with no pass!'''&quot; What, are you kidding me? He's ''Superman''! He needs to buy a fuckin' ticket?!

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:'''AVGN''': There's no reason to talk to anybody in this game. It's like in ''Castlevania II: Simon's Quest''. The whole game is full of people who tell you things that don't make any sense or have any [[relevance]] with the game. For example, this old woman tells you not to &quot;look into the Death Star, or you will die&quot;. Well, the [[w:Death Star|Death Star]] is nowhere in the game. Both of these games were released in 1988. Now that must have been the year of people talking and not making sense in video games. ''(talks to an NPC in ''Superman'')'' '''&quot;Haven't you seen the movie, Superman?&quot;''' Yeah, I did, actually! It's nothing like this ''garbage''!

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:'''AVGN''': ''(discussing the stage intermission screen resembling a [[w:Daily Planet|Daily Planet]] newspaper)'' What? &quot;'''Daily Planets'''&quot;? Isn't it just the Daily Planet? I don't know, I've had enough of this. Wait a minute. &quot;'''Stock Market Panic! Stock prices fall!'''&quot;? What, are we talking about ''stocks'' now? &quot;'''Find out why stock prices have fallen'''&quot;. &quot;'''You'll learn about stocks at the stock market.'''&quot; Okay, that's the goal here? To go to the ''stock market''? Oh my god. Do you remember being a kid? Do you remember playing Nintendo? What kind of things were you interested in? Comic books? Video games? Uhhm... the ''stock market''? Yeah, do you think any kid playing this game gives a shit about the fucking stock market?! Just, just, w-wh-''why''? W-wh-why make a game that has anything to do with stocks or taxes or politics? You just don't do that! It's like &quot;What were they thinking!?&quot; Stocks?! I just can't... I just... puh-''(raspberry)''. Augh, God. I just... what a shitload of fuck. That's enough for me. This game is just so awful that it can't be explained. I can review it for another hour and it won't make a difference. It's an unreviewable game. Can not be done justice! If you want to play it and see for yourself, I dare you. But just one warning: You will not be happy. Oh wait, this guy here just gave me a password? What's that for? Like if I want to continue here where I left off? Well, that's completely useless. There's no way I would ever need this password and you wanna know why? Because I'm never fucking playing this game again in my life! ''(Tosses the game out the window)''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': That's it. Superman is doomed. What is it about Superman that just spells shit? It's like they couldn't make a good Superman game. But there's one in particular that everybody wants me to review. So here's a typical MySpace message.  &quot;and that game is... -drum roll- -dramatic silence- superman 64&quot; &quot;you should do a review on e.t. or superman64&quot; &quot;I have a special demand no, a BIG DEMAND. Do you think you can play more than four minutes of one of the worst N64 games ever? calling: SUPERMAN!&quot; &quot;I'd love to see you review &quot;Superman&quot; on the N64.&quot; &quot;Could you review Superman for the Nintendo 64?&quot; &quot;dude u should comment on superman 64&quot; &quot;Ever heard of Superman 64...&quot; &quot;you should review...(gulps)..Superman 64&quot; &quot;I really think you should consider either ET for the Atari or superman 64...&quot; &quot;play or make a video of Superman 64&quot; &quot;Can u do a review of Superman 64 on AVGN? So plz do a review of superman 64.&quot; &quot;That's Right; SUPERMAN 64.&quot; &quot;Do you need a copy of Superman 64?&quot; &quot;I'll donate Superman 64&quot; &quot;I think he should do Superman 64.&quot; &quot;wanted to know if you ever played superman 64&quot; &quot;Superman for the N64&quot; &quot;superman on the N64.&quot; &quot;Superman 64,&quot; &quot;superman 64,&quot; &quot;Superman 64,&quot; &quot;Superman 64,&quot; &quot;SUPERMAN64,&quot; &quot;Superman 64,&quot; &quot;Superman 64&quot; &quot;superman 64.&quot; &quot;superman64&quot; &quot;superman 64&quot;! ''[shocked]'' Well, damn. Well, you want it? You got it. Next review is gonna be... Superman 64.

=== [[w:Superman 64|Superman 64]] ===

:'''AVGN''': Okay, the wait is finally over. This is the review that everybody wants to see. Here it is, ''Superman''... on [[w:Commodore 64|Commodore 64]].

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:'''AVGN''': Remember those early CD based consoles like the PlayStation and you'd always have to wait for everything to load? Well, it's nothing like that; this thing actually takes 2 minutes and 7 seconds. Yeah, I timed it. Then the title screen starts up with the music, and you're like, ''&quot;WOW!&quot;'' But wait, what the hell's this? Type in the character that appears in &quot;column: 09 row:10&quot;? Oh, come on! I gotta get the code card. Yeah, the code card. Match up the damn numbers and there you go, it's 5. 'WHY DO I GOTTA DO THAT!? So you pick your difficulty, and guess what? It's gotta load again! Fifty-four seconds this time. Not long, but seems like an eternity. So anyway, you get this comic book storyline thing, and then- ''[the &quot;NOW LOADING&quot; screen appears yet again]'' You son-of-a-bitch! Probably two weeks later when you finally start playing the game, you'll be surprised that the graphics are quite decent and the gameplay is self-explanatory. You just fly around and shoot stuff. You don't have to be Clark Kent and find subway passes or any bullshit like that, so it's actually better than the Nintendo version. But that's not sayin' much. That's like sayin' the shit that I took last night was better than the shit I took the day before.

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:'''AVGN''': ''[holds up Superman 64 cartridge]'' Aw, come on, you really wanna make me play this? Well, I'm gonna do it just for you, 'cause I like ya a lot. Now don't take that too serious.

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:'''AVGN''': First, you're greeted by a smiling cartoon fox. &quot;''Tittus''&quot;? What the fuck is that?

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:'''AVGN''': Looks like Superman's strokin' his super dick.

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:'''AVGN''': ''(after finishing the car-carrying stage 4)'' So I get to the goal, and guess what's next? Seriously, I want you to just take a guess what comes after this. More rings. Yeah. What kind of game is this!? Is this some sort of ''insanity test''?! Well, I'm done. I'm sorry, but that's all I can do. This game doesn't even ''qualify'' as shit! It's like the equivalent of ''shit'' takin' a shit! This is unspeakably, ''shockingly'' bad. It's sickeningly '''loathsome!''' '''It's a fuckin' suffering to the mind'''! It's a bunch of fuck and it doesn't belong on this planet! Somebody's gotta take care of it! This is a job for the fuckin' Nerd! ''[a rock version of [[w:Superman March|Superman Theme]] plays as the Nerd unbuttons his shirt to reveal a blue Superman shirt. Flies up to the sun and tosses the game into it.]''

=== [[w:List of Batman computer and video games|Batman Part One]] ===
:'''The Nerd:''' ''[dressed up as Batman]'' All right, ''[takes off his glasses]'' let's dig into a big pile of bat shit. As you can see, I'm all ready, because, ''[puts on Bat-Mask]'' in order to play bad Batman games. and do 'em justice... ''[puts glasses back on and becomes Batnerd]'' ''[Batman voice]'' '''''...you gotta be Batman.'''''

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:'''Batnerd:''' Let's start with [[w:Batman: The Caped Crusader|''Batman: The Caped Crusader'']] for the Commodore 64. This game came out a year before the Tim Burton movie, which makes it the only game on our list that's not movie-licensed.
:'''Batnerd:''' You get a choice to fight against the Penguin or the Joker, but both games seem to be identical. I never really got far enough to find out. Every time you exit a screen, another panel pops up. I guess they were tryin' to make it look like a comic book, but it's just awkward.
:'''Batnerd:''' The first enemies you encounter are what I think are toy airplanes and gargoyles, or bats, which take shits on ya. Yeah, if you look close enough, you can see the little shit bombs droppin' outta their asses.
:'''Batnerd:''' The control is weird. As you can see the instruction manual explains it. To do different punches and kicks, you have to hold the joystick in a certain direction while hitting the button. It's also ridiculous tryin' to hit anybody; You have to be like a step away! And no matter how many times you hit somebody, they don't die! ''[fighting an enemy]'' Die! ''[continues attacking the enemy, who refuses to die]'' What the hell? ''[looks at the screen in shock]''
:'''Batnerd''': There's also this annoying menu screen that keeps popping up. It took me a while to figure out that I activate this thing by pressing Down and the button.
:'''Batnerd''': So, I get to this menu by total accident, and I don't know what to do here. What ''is'' all this shit? &quot;Restart game&quot;? Who the fuck's talkin' about restarting? ''[tries to type &quot;N&quot;, but the keyboard doesn't respond]'' Oh, the keypad's busted. Oh, that's great. Yeah, that's another thing about the Commodore: It only works when it feels like it.
:'''Batnerd''': Well, anyway, the game sucks, gotta give it the Batman punishment! ''[Batman voice]'' '''''I'm Batman.''''' ''[throws the &quot;Batman: The Caped Crusader&quot; Commodore 64 disk to the ground]''

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:'''Batnerd''': Next up, ''[[w:Batman Forever (video game)|Batman Forever]]'' for the Super Nintendo. Now we're in deep shit, because this game is triceratops testicles.

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:'''Batnerd''': Fuck! Shit! Get up there! This is fuckin' '''''BULLSHIT!''''' You'd think to shoot up you just press up, but ''no,'' it '''''jumps!''''' Sometimes I get it to work by '''''pure luck''''' until I found out that, okay, '''''this''''' is how it works: To shoot up, you press '''select''' and '''up''' in a '''''very specific way.''''' You have to press select ''slightly before'' you press jump. If you do it correctly, it shoots the grappling hook straight up in the air. But if you press them both at the same time, you just jump! '''THAT'S A ''GOOD'' REASON WHY THE ''JUMP'' BUTTON SHOULD ''NOT BE UP!!'' ''WHY CAN'T IT BE ONE OF THE FUCKIN' BUTTONS?! HAVIN' THE FUCKIN' UP BUTTON JUMP IS FUCKIN' FUCKED UP!!!''''' If '''''this''''' ''[up on the d-pad]'' aimed your grappling hook and '''''THIS''''' ''[B button]'' jumped, '''''THEN IT WOULD BE FINE! BUT, NO! THEY GOTTA BE THE SAME BUTTON!'''''

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:'''Batnerd:''' Everything's so dark, you can never tell where there's a door. Then you walk back and look for one of those spots where you can use your grappling dick. ''[Batman manages to jump onto his grappling hook]'' See? Right there. That was just a lucky guess.
:'''Batnerd''': Another problem is the fuckin' foreground keeps blocking me. It's like, '''''&quot;GET THAT SHIT OUT OF THE WAY! I CAN'T SEE WHAT I'M DOIN'!&quot;''''' I'd rather have a diarrhea dog take '''''LAVA DUMP''''' all over the screen!

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:'''Batnerd:''' And just when you thought you had the controls all figured out, you come to this part where you need to jump '''''down.''''' You'd expect to be able to just simply push Down, maybe in combination with the jump button. But, oh, that's right, there '''''is''''' no fuckin' jump button. It's Up. '''''That''''' would be pretty impressive, to be able to press Down and Up at the same time. Well, anyway, you try every combination imaginable, and guess what? It's ''Down and R!'' '''YEAH, ''R!''''' That's not even one of the main buttons! '''''WHY R?!''''' And again, the R button has to be tapped '''''slightly before''''' you press Down.
:'''Batnerd:''' And sometimes there isn't even a hole to tell you where you're able to do that! '''''WHY IS EVERYTHING SO CRYPTIC?!'''''
:''[the Batnerd is in shock over the bad controls of the game]''
:'''Batnerd:''' '''WH- THIS IS ''FUCKED'' BEYOND BELIEF!!!''' It's like, the controls in this game are like something you do for a cheat code, '''''not a basic move that you HAVE TO DO in order to play the game!''''' '''Why'd they program it in such an ''asinine, ball-brained, cockamamie, RIDICULOUS FASHION?!''''' It's like, geez, there's four buttons right in the front of the controller! '''LIKE, THAT'S ''NOT ENOUGH'' TO WORK WITH?!''' Instead, they have to, like, program it, like, all into, like, weird, kinda, crazy button combinations and shit?! It's like, what were they thinking?! It's like, '''''up''''' is jump?! '''''Select''''' for the grappling hook?! Select shouldn't even be part of the game, select should be like for the ''menus,'' or something. '''I mean, jeez, like, were they tryin' to just ruin this game? Just ''flat out, just fuck it up?!''''' Well, they did. ''Batman Forever,'' it '''''sucked back then,''''' and it ''sucks'' forever!
:'''Batnerd:''' ''[Batman voice]'' '''''I'm Batmaaaaan.''''' ''[throws &quot;Batman Forever&quot; to the floor]''
:'''Batnerd:''' ''[Batman voice]'' That's it. That's all the shitty Batman games I can take. The review's over.
:''[Joker laughs insanely in the background and appears from behind the couch]''
:'''Joker:''' Batman! Batman! You wanna play a '''''really shitty''''' Nintendo game, Batman? Well, how 'bout, ''Return of the Joker'' on the Nintendo Entertainment System, Batman?
:'''Batnerd:''' ''[normal voice]'' Yeah, but I'm not really Batman, though.
:'''Joker''': You're not Batman?! Batman, you're Batman, I'm Batman! ''[laughs insanely]'' Come on, Batman, let's play! Come o- ''[Batnerd punches him in the face and picks him up]''
:'''Batnerd:''' I'm not playin' anymore shitty Batman games!
:'''Joker:''' ''[chortles]'' Yes, you are! ''[water squirts out of the Joker's flower into the Batnerd's face]'' ''[laughs insanely]'' Ooh, Batman, let me give you a hand! ''[The Batnerd grabs the Joker's hand, and gets electrocuted by a joy buzzer while the Joker laughs and puts &quot;Return of the Joker&quot; into the NES Top Loader and the caption &quot;TO BE CONTINUED...&quot; appears on the screen]''
:'''Batnerd:''' ''[narrating]'' Will the Batnerd escape the Joker? What bad games does he have up his sleeve? Tune in next episode, same bat time, same bat channel!

=== [[w:List of Batman computer and video games|Batman Part Two]] ===

:'''Batnerd''': Look at this pandemonium! There's a fucking ceiling waiting to come down and kill me, there's a guy throwing an oil drum, if I try to get out of the way I get hit by these rotating blades and shit. I take the guy down, and then I try to set off the ceiling trap, and... I'm dead.
:''[Joker laughs crazily at Batnerd's misfortune]''
:'''Batnerd''': Shut up!
:'''Joker''': [briefly angry] Fuck you, motherfucker! ''[laughs resumes laughing]''

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:'''Batnerd''': ''[playing &quot;Batman: Return of the Joker&quot; on Game Boy]'' The controls are like trying to get a horse to wipe its ass on an eagle.

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:'''Batnerd''': I swear that these games were programmed by [[w:The Joker|the Joker.]]

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:'''Batnerd''': ''[playing ''Batman: Revenge of the Joker'' on Sega Genesis]'' What's with the gargoyle statues? You shoot them and get nothing. What's the point? And why does it hurt you to touch them? '''''BATMAN CAN'T EVEN TOUCH A FUCKING STATUE?!'''''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Batnerd''': '''''OKAY, SO WHAT'S WITH THIS FUCKING BULLSHIT?!''''' What, do they just die whenever they feel like it? Like is it a glitch, or is it some obscure trick that I don't know about? It's just the first level of the game! '''AGAIN! ''THE FIRST FUCKING LEVEL,'' AND I CAN'T GO ANY FURTHER!''' I've had enough of this catastrophe!

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:'''Batnerd''': ''[after subduing the Joker]'' I'm gonna shove these fucking games up your ''ass!'' ''Batman: Revenge of the Joker!'' ''[Joker screams]'' ''Batman: Return of the Joker!'' ''[Joker screams]'' ''Batman Forever!'' ''[Joker screams]'' ''Batman: Return of the Joker'' on Game Boy! ''[Joker screams again]'' And last but not least, ''Batman'' on Commodore 64! ''[Joker screams]''

=== [[w:Deadly Towers|Deadly Towers]] ===
:'''The Nerd''': This is a very special episode because I'm not gonna review the game, the fans are. Yeah. For the first time I asked the fans to recount their experiences with the game and send them to a specified email address. And as a result, this one inbox got over 6,000 messages. So, if you're one of the lucky ones, then I hope you enjoy hearing your words coming out of my mouth. But regardless, thanks for the submissions, thanks for supporting the show, this one's my little reward, to you. Enjoy.

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:'''The Nerd''': Oh, this must be why the attack is so slow: Our hero must pass the blades out of his cock! Hell, if broadswords shooting out of my cock was my only defense against purple inchworms &amp; bats, I’d probably let them kill me.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': Even the manual says, &quot;You have no confidence in this sword.&quot; What the fuck kind of advice is that? That's like saying &quot;Buddy, if you play this game, '''YOU'RE GONNA GET FUCKED UP THE ASSHOLE WITH A ''PORCUPINE!! GOOD FUCKIN' LUCK, DOUCHEBAG!&quot;'''''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': You get an inventory screen. It's empty right now, but it seems pretty standard. It tells you your life and everything. It also has this thing called 'ludder'. Yeah, it says you have 50 ludder. I can only assume that that's currency, so I Googled it to check what it meant and according to an Urban Dictionary, 'ludder' means 'cheap-ass hoe'! So, therefore we're already starting out with 50 cheap-ass hoes, so we're doing alright for ourselves. I wonder what the exchange rate is for the expensive whores?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': Oh, and the music. The bubbly sound of ripping ass isn't even an adequate way to describe the music in this game!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': When they named this game ''Deadly Towers'', they weren't kidding. The last time I saw towers this deadly was when they decided the horses need more fiber in their diets! This game is so fuckin' hard, it's easier to lift an elephant with my ass while singing Old MacDonald! This game is equal to that of liquid ass butter! Stay away from this horrible piece of shit-encrusted fuck! I'd rather suck farts out of a dog's ass! ''Das Spiel ist Scheiße! Dieses Spiel fickt dich härter als das Leben!'' (Translation: The game is shit! This game fucks you harder than life!) Well, I gave that a try. Anyway, this game isn't just your average turd. It's the kind of rancid, putrid, disgusting turd that sits in the bathroom truck stop for 20 something years until even the flies won't go near it. It's games like this that made me regret ever picking up an NES controller. This game is like a never-ending turd that bends around and goes into your mouth, thus creating an endless cycle of eating your own shit whilst taking a crap and occasionally puking up the same for all eternity! This is so bad, Satan wouldn't even accept it if you offered it with your soul! I'd rather suck the dried shit out of Chewbacca's ass fur! Fuck this game! No, better yet, ''don't'' fuck this game! Don't let your friends fuck it! It's '''unfuckworthy!''' This game is just an orgy of ass! This game is a chicken-lickin', finger-fuckin', son of a bitch! This game is ball cider! The Assholians bow down to this piece of shit! In other words, the game sucks.

=== [[w:Battletoads|Battletoads]] ===
:'''The Nerd:''' ''Battletoads'' on Nintendo. Now, don't worry, it's a good game. It's actually one of the most memorable games in the NES library. But when it first came out, a lot of people were thinkin', &quot;What is this, a cheap ''Ninja Turtles'' knockoff, or somethin'?&quot; But, uh, it was actually pretty good-- ''[he turns to his right and notices Kyle]'' Who the fuck are you?
:'''Kyle:''' I'm your guitar guy. ''[the Nerd doesn't get it.]'' I sing your theme song... from... behind the couch.
:'''The Nerd:''' Well then, go back behind the damn '''''COUCH!''''' Geez!
:'''Kyle:''' You know, that's not the welcome I really expected.
:'''The Nerd:''' Well, look, you can't just sit here while I do the review.
:'''Kyle:''' ''[stutters]'' Why can't I do the review with you?
:'''The Nerd:''' Oh, uh-- '''''because that's not how it WORKS!''''' It's, like, I play the game, and you-- Get your ass back ''behind the'' '''FUCKIN'''' '''''COUCH!!'''''
:'''Kyle:''' ''[angrily; while fighting back his tears]'' I don't ever get to do anything; you don't even use my song that much anymore.
:'''The Nerd:''' Why are you always behind my damn couch anyway?!
:'''Kyle:''' There are no other couches to go behind!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': The intro shows 3 toads: Rash, Pimple, &amp; Zitz. Why such disgusting names? How about Herpes, Genital Warts, &amp; Gonorrhea?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Level 3 restarts]''
:'''The Nerd''': What? You ''gotta'' be fuckin' kidding me. YOU died, but we ''both'' have to restart the level!
:'''Kyle:''' Sorry.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Kyle:''' ''[singing]'' ''He's the angriest gamer you've ever heard...''
:'''The Nerd''': '''YOU BET YOUR ''ASS!!!'''''

=== [[w:Dick Tracy (video game)|Dick Tracy]] ===
:'''The Nerd''': Remember when everybody was talkin' about ''Dick Tracy?'' 1990, the Warren Beatty film comes out. Everybody went from &quot;Who's Dick Tracy?&quot; to '''''&quot;WHOA,''''' Dick Tracy's the '''''SHIT!'''''&quot; It was like a contemporary film noir; stylish with colorful comic book-style visuals and an all-star cast: Al Pacino, Dustin Hoffman, fuckin' Madonna, but it was kinda over-the-top and silly.
:'''Big Boy''': You dumb Dick.
:'''The Nerd''': It was all right, but its popularity was short-lived. I think it was just an excuse for the kids to say &quot;Dick&quot;.
:'''Flattop''': I guess that's the end of Dick.
:'''Itchy''': Yeah. 30 seconds, no more Dick! 30 seconds, no more Dick!
:'''Big Boy:''' Dumb Dick.
:'''The Nerd:''' You know, [[w:Dick Van Dyke|Dick Van Dyke]] is in the movie. ''[turns to the camera]'' You think that's enough Dicks? ''[holds up the &quot;Dick Tracy&quot; VHS to the camera]'' Like, seriously, when this movie came out, I never said &quot;Dick&quot; so much before in my life. Every kid on the block was runnin' around sayin' &quot;Dick Tracy&quot;, &quot;Dick Tracy&quot;, &quot;Dick this&quot; and &quot;Dick that&quot;! My dad said, &quot;Can't you just call him Richard Tracy?&quot; And I was like, &quot;You know... how is 'Dick' short for 'Richard'?&quot; That doesn't even make any sense. It's like Bill and William, or Jim and James. But at least Bill and Will rhyme, and Jim and James both start with a J. But Richard and Dick? Like, nobody ever says &quot;Dickard&quot;.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd:''' So you get to 5th &amp; B, you go inside, and then the game goes to a side-scroller mode. ''[Zooms in on Dick Tracy's in-game sprite]'' What the hell's wrong with Dickard? He looks like he's got a bad suntan.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd:''' So I go straight over to 8th &amp; J, and it's swarming with bad guys. Even going into this place with full health, it's hard to survive to the end. It's hard as Dick.
:'''The Nerd:''' So, I get to Numbers, I arrest him, and then...I need more ''evidence?''
:''[footage of the game with Dick Tracy's superior officer scolding him by saying, &quot;You need more evidence before you can arrest someone, Tracy! What's wrong with you?&quot; Apparently, the Nerd is just appalled by this, and this is apparently James D. Rolfe's true anger.]''
:'''The Nerd:''' ''[voice cracks]'' You gotta be fuckin' kidding me! That's '''''ridiculous!''''' Like, '''''what?!''''' Like, you have to travel all around and go to five different buildings, four to get the clues, and then the last one to arrest Numbers! ''All without dying once!'' '''THAT'S WHORESHIT!''' ​And I didn't say &quot;horseshit,&quot; I said ''&quot;whoreshit&quot;.'' '''LIKE A ''WHORE'' TAKIN' A ''SHIT!''''' ''[drinks some Rolling Rock]'' You know, remember when you were a little kid, it was fuckin' Friday, you did all your homework, and you rented a game from the local video store. And this was it, this was your whole weekend; this one game. You didn't have anything else to do, so you had no choice, '''''but to keep playing THAT FIRST PART OF THE GAME OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN!'' AND IT'S LIKE, &quot;YOU KNOW WHAT?&quot; IT'S LIKE, &quot;I WANNA SEE THE REST OF THE GAME, ''YOU CAN'T JUST LET THE GAME FUCKIN' WIN LIKE THAT!&quot;''''' So, '''''THAT'S''''' why you don't give up.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd:''' It begs the question: &quot;Are there '''any''' health power-ups?&quot; And to tell you the truth, I've heard that there is. But I haven't found any, not ''one''. I actually found a heart, yeah, a fuckin' heart, but it did absolutely nothing at all. Yeah, a fuckin' heart that did fuckin' nothing! So, where the power-ups are, I have no idea, but they're probably not in any of the main buildings. They're probably in some obscure building that you wouldn't think to go in anyway, and the roof is probably covered with snipers, which defeats the whole purpose of going there.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd:''' I have another update: I've been informed countless times that the hearts ''are'' the power-ups. So, if the hearts are the power-ups, why don't they do anything? Well, here's how it works. You have to select the fuckin' thing. It's called a First Aid Kit. And then you use it by pressing B, right? No, it still doesn't do jack-shit. You have to hold ''down'' Select and press B at the same time. But that doesn't work either, because as soon as you press Select, it goes to the next item. The trick is that you have to select the item that comes ''before'' the First Aid, and then hold ''down'' Select, so ''now'' the First Aid should be selected, while you're still holding Select. ''Then'' you press B, and there you go! ''How the fuck'' was I supposed to know that?! Why couldn't you just push B like all the other items? 'What kind of stupid fuckin' dick-brained idiot programmed it like that?!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd:''' '''''THIS'' IS THE REASON WHY GAME GENIE WAS INVENTED! I'VE BEEN PLAYING THIS GAME FOR ALMOST 20 ''FUCKIN' YEARS,'' AND I STILL ''CAN'T GET PAST THE FIRST STAGE!''''' So why am I still trying? I don't know, I'm just a sucker for Dick Tracy. &quot;Sucker for Dick&quot;, ''that'' didn't sound good. I'm gonna tell you right now that anybody would have given up on this game had it not been for the name. They made one of the most frustrating games of all time, they took the name &quot;Dick Tracy&quot;, and slapped it on the cover just like slapping their own greedy dick! Well, if this game is dick, then we were the '''''balls.'''''
:'''The Nerd:''' And you know, I really wanted to give it a chance, because '''''I KINDA LIKED''''' the idea of finding clues, and figuring out where to go, like it made you think like a detective. But, '''''ONE guy?! No continues?!''''' Like, seriously, give me a reason why there's no continues. '''WHY ARE THERE NO CONTINUES?! ''WHY ARE THERE NO FUCKING CONTINUES?!?''''' &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''WHYYYYYYY?!?! AAAAGH!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:''[The Nerd guzzles down some more Rolling Rock, does a [[w:Mortal Kombat (1992 video game)|Mortal Kombat]] scream into his pillow, and then has a meltdown.]''
:'''The Nerd:''' ''[bellowing]'' '''''FUCK-FUCK-FUCK-FUCKING-FUCKING-FUCK! FUCKING-FUCK! FUUUUUCK!''''' ''[The Nerd finishes his Rolling Rock, grabs a drill and drills through the game as the cartridge spins uncontrollably, then the screen quickly cuts black as the Nerd smashes the game with a hammer.]''

=== [[w:Dracula in popular culture|Dracula]] ===

:'''AVGN''': ''(Playing [[w:The Count (video game)|The Count]] on the [[w:Commodore VIC-20|Commodore VIC-20]], the Nerd types in &quot;Eat pillow&quot; when the game text asks him what he wants to do. The game responds &quot;'''Yuck!'''&quot;)'' Okay, so I ate the pillow? I didn't expect that. &quot;Get up.&quot; ''(Game responds &quot;'''I'm in a bedroom. Closed window. Brass Bed. North.'''&quot;)'' Uhhh...okay. &quot;Go north.&quot; ''(Game responds &quot;'''OK. What shall I do now?'''&quot;)'' Okay, so I went north? What did that do? &quot;Go east.&quot; ''(Game responds &quot;'''OK. What shall I do now?'''&quot;)'' &quot;Go east again.&quot; ''(Game responds &quot;'''Use 1 or 2 words only!'''&quot;)'' Oh okay. I'll give you two words! &quot;Fuck you!&quot; ''(Game responds &quot;'''Don't know how to &quot;FUCK&quot; something.'''&quot; The Nerd looks on in shock, and does a facepalm)''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''AVGN''': ''(Playing the unreleased ''[[w:Drac's Night Out|Drac's Night Out]]'' on NES, which features [[w:Reebok Pump|Reebok Pumps]] as a power-up)'' Your only real power-ups are the Reebok Pumps. They let you run faster and jump higher. You really need to get these shoes, because without them, you get your ass handed to you. That's what I call a powerup, and that's what I call a promotion. Reebok Pumps! You ain't shit without it! Pump it up and air it out!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''AVGN''': Even though it pisses me off, I can't really complain because this game was never released. It's like somebody took a fuck and buried it and then someone else decided to dig it up. It's like &quot;What do you expect?&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''AVGN''': ''(Upon finding the name of television producer [[w:Fred Fuchs|Fred Fuchs]] in the credits for ''[[w:Bram Stoker's Dracula (video game)|Bram Stoker's Dracula]]'' on SNES)'' Wait, who's this? Fred Fudge - Fred Fucks?! FRED FUCKS?! Fred Fucks! Oh my God, &quot;Fred Fucks&quot;! Ohh, my God, it's Fred Fucks! (Laughs awkwardly) Fred Fucks.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''AVGN''': ''(Playing ''Bram Stoker's Dracula'' on Sega CD)'' I actually did manage to get to Dracula, at least in his first form, and he looks just as laughable as he did in the movie. But the most ridiculous part is when you die.
:'''Keanu Reeves:''' ''(Screams)''
:'''AVGN''': ''(Mimics scream)'' What the hell, is that clip even from the movie? I don't know, maybe it's from ''Bill &amp; Ted''.
:'''Keanu Reeves:''' ''(Screams)''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%/&gt;
:'''AVGN''': The game looks amazing for its time, but the control is what kills it. It's so awkward trying to jump. You fall through shit, and the attacks are so delayed. It's impossible to turn around and hit your enemies before they hit you, you just wish you had a whip or a sword or something, not your bare hands. All you get is this stupid little kick to kick the fuckin' rats. Yeah, that's all it is is just rats and bats. How many fucking games need to have bats? Like seriously, I know it's Dracula, but why do so many game have so many fucking bats?! Seriously. I! Fucking! Hate! Bats! ''(Bites and fights a bat as he throws a bat to the wall then he groans.)'' I'm sick of it all! Morning sun, VANQUISH ME!!! ''(Opens blinds as he cries out.)''

=== [[w:Frankenstein (disambiguation)|Frankenstein]] ===
:'''AVGN''': Alright, so tonight we'll do something a little different. Cause I haven't tortured myself enough with all these shitty games! So I created a monster to conduct the review for me. Behold, Franken-Nerd! I could really use another bolt of lightning! (lightning strikes and the Nerd pulls the switch) Yeah! It's alive! It's alive!

&lt;hr width&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': This is the game. [Franken-Nerd growls] ''[[w:Mary Shelley's Frankenstein (video game)|Mary Shelley's Frankenstein]]'' on Super Nintendo. Game, good.
:'''Mike Matei as Franken-Nerd''': Good.
:'''AVGN''': [chuckles] You bet your ass it's good. (The Nerd puts in the game) Here's the controller for you, hit start and knock yourself out. Have fun.

&lt;hr width&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': ''(after shutting off Franken-Nerd, who was playing ''The Adventures of Dr. Franken'' for the Nerd up until then)'' The biggest mistake Dr. Frankenstein made. If you're gonna make a monster, you better be able to shut it down. ...But unfortunately, I can't shut off the game, for the monsters in my soul. It's my duty - (Chuckles) &quot;doody&quot; - to play it for myself and ''explain'' why this game sucks! 'Cause I created a monster, and there's no turning back.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': ''(Playing ''[[w:Frankenstein: The Monster Returns|Frankenstein: The Monster Returns]]'' on the [[w:Nintendo Entertainment System|NES]]]'' Stage four is the final stage. Yeah they chose to keep the game as short as possible, yet as annoying as possible. This place is all fucked up. There's all these weird faces in the background. Like where are you supposed to be? Beside Satan's asshole?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': So now, just to try again I gotta type in the fucking password! It's so tedious! I mean it's not the longest password I've ever seen but it's still longer than necessary. But unlike most passwords if you move the d-pads to the sides, it doesn't move your cursor to the other side! So say your cursor's on the letter K and you need to move to J, in most games all you need to do is move your cursor left and it will show up on J. But here, you can't do that! You have to move the fucking cursor all the way to the J! A lot of effort considering J comes right before K. It's so fucked up. And, also, if you enter the password and it turns out that it's wrong, like if you messed up on one letter it erases the whole thing and you gotta type it in all over again! Why can't I just go back and fix the one letter? I really ''hate'' this password thing in general because, what's the point? You should have unlimited continues. Yeah, because the only reason you should have to put in a password is if you turn the game off and want to come back to it later. As long as you're still playing, you're gonna keep playing the same stages over and over and over again, so what's the point of sending you all the way back to the beginning? The earlier stages are the easiest, and those are the stages you end up playing the most. It's the later stages where you need the most practice! It's all about trial and error. Like imagine if in high school, you fail out of senior year. What happens? You do senior year again, right? You don't have to go back and do freshman year again! So, BOTTOM LINE, HAVE UNLIMITED CONTINUES! Goddammit!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': Anyway, I can't get past the vines so I'm going to cheat with Game Genie, the last resort. But check out these codes! &quot;Almost unlimited energy&quot;, &quot;Invincibility after losing first life - May cause the game to freeze&quot;, &quot;Start with no continues&quot;, &quot;Can not collect extra energy&quot;, and &quot;One hit is fatal&quot;! What kinds of codes are these!? Is there like some sick fuck who thinks the game isn't hard enough? Like somebody who wants to be tortured some more? Well, how about this? I got a code for you. How about a code that just starts you off dead? ''(Subtitle: &quot;PHUCKEWE&quot;)''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': At first the code works fine but then I found out if you collect energy it takes life away. Not that you would need to collect energy, but it's kinda silly, isn't it? And, guess what, once you get to the vines, you still die! Well, that would have been nice! Why couldn't the code say Invincibility Except For The Vines? Even if you pass the vines the invinciblity goes away so you're left with your own wits to fight Frankenstein. So, fuck the Game Genie, and let me tell you when Game Genie doesn't help, you know you're fucked! ''(the Nerd throws the Game Genie.)'' So, you fight Frankenstein. His first form's pretty easy, but, then, he grows into a giant Super Frankenstein. Come on! Come on! Come on, you fucking Fuckinstein! ''(Lightning strikes the Franken-Nerd and he starts attacking the Nerd while he's fighting Super Frankenstein and a rock version of the Angry Video Game Nerd theme plays then the Nerd eventually beats Super Frankenstein)'' Yeah! ''(The NES Toploader electrocutes the TV as the TV explodes, an explosion kills the Franken-Nerd)''

=== [[w:CD-i|CD-i Part One]] ===

:'''AVGN''': Ohhhhh, boy, let’s talk about the Philips CD-i. Now, if you’re not familiar with the backstory, I’ll give you a quick little run-down. Nintendo was working in conjunction with Philips to produce a CD-based add-on for the Super NES, which never came through. Now Nintendo was also working with Sony on the same concept, and we all know what came of that: the PlayStation. (The Nerd holds up the PlayStation with both hands.) But as for Philips, they too made their own game console, however they had permission to utilize some of the Nintendo franchises. Now what came to that was a shitty Mario game, (Hotel Mario) and three shitty Zelda games: Link: The Faces of Evil, Zelda’s Adventure, and Zelda: The Wand of Gamelon. (The Nerd tries to open the awkward looking case for &quot;Wand of Gamelon.&quot;) (awkwardly) Okay. These games are ''notorious'' for their legendary ass suckage, which is hard to believe! How can there exist a bad ''Zelda'' game, let alone ''three'' of them? And on a console that's not Nintendo? Well if you haven't heard of 'em, you might think you're living under a rock, but let me tell you, it's a rock worth living under.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': But before we get to the ''Zelda'' games, let's start off with ''[[w:Hotel Mario|Hotel Mario]]''. The price on this one, I got to be honest, was zero because this one was a donation. Thanks, Casey! You might as well have sent me a turd wrapped in tinfoil.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': So, often, you find yourself having to hit up on the down arrow, and when you go down to the up arrow you press down. That's fucking confusing.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': The game is actually more reminiscent of arcade games from the early ‘80s like Donkey Kong and Mario Bros. And for something like that, Hotel Mario actually isn’t too bad. It is challenging, I’ll give it that, but the fact is, this was not the early ‘80s; this was 1994, and it was a next-generation console. Originally, they planned to release a sequel to [[w:Super Mario World|Super Mario World]] titled [[w:Super Mario’s Wacky Worlds|Super Mario's Wacky Worlds]], but it was cancelled, and what we got was this. (Hotel Mario) End of story. Well, all the CD-i stuff is a shit sandwich that’s too big for one mouthful. So check in for Part 2, we’re gonna look at the Zelda games.

=== [[w:CD-i|CD-i Part Two]] ===
:'''AVGN''': ''(discussing the boss battles)'' When you kill them, you get these amusing cutscenes.
:'''Hectan''': You've killed me!
:'''Zelda''': Good!
:'''AVGN''': ''(horrified face)'' &quot;Good!&quot; ''(laughs)'' &quot;You killed me!&quot; &quot;Good!&quot; ''(laughs insanely, then starts saying &quot;FUCK!&quot; in a very chicken-like voice while giving both middle fingers. Then he stops and picks up Rolling Rock)'' Gotta calm down. ''(drinks it, then resumes playing)'' Oh, man, I'm going completely insane. But I can't quit because I'm up to Ganon.
:'''Ganon''': YOU DARE BRING LIGHT TO MY LAIR!? YOU MUST DIE!
:'''AVGN''': He looks like a joke! He makes the Ganon from the cartoon series look badass!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': Well, in conclusion, some might say that there are redeeming factors to this game. The music's pretty cool, and the graphics are nice and colorful. Some might call it a &quot;mixed bag.&quot; But let me tell you what kind of mixed bag. It’s a trash bag that's had a bad day. Like, say, your mom cleans out the cat litter; fresh and stale doody pebbles go right in the bottom of the bag. And then your sister throws out her used tampons, and where do they go? In the same bag. And then your brother comes home, piss-ass drunk, just upchucks, pukes right into the bag! Now, I'm not trying to be disgusting, but that is a realistic situation, and what it all comes down to, that's a nasty bag. But I'd rather take that shit out to the garbage than deal with this piece of fuck! Fuck this game, get out of my face!

=== [[w:CD-i|CD-i Part Three]] ===

:'''AVGN''': ''(Playing ''[[w:CD-i games based on The Legend of Zelda series|Link: The Faces of Evil]]'')'' And the jumping is still a big problem. Come on, why can't I get up there? ''(Link falls off platform)'' Oh, your mother! ''(Link jumps up and misses)'' Oh, you son of a bitch. Get up there! ''(Link jumps up and misses again, later falls off ledge)'' ''Ungh!'' ''(Link jumps up and misses once again)'' It's time to start droppin' some F-Bombs! ''(as literal F-Bombs fly from his mouth)'' FUCK!! FUCK!! FUCK!! FUCK!! FUCK!! FUCK!! FUCK!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': The darkness is still a huge issue. Look, my lantern oil ran out, so I can't find my way back. So I'm really up Shit Creek without a paddle! And that means I'm paddling through the shit with my hands.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': Talking to people is still a strange ordeal. Why do you have to shove a sword up their ass? Right up their ass.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': Then you gotta wake Zelda. Come on! I'm here to rescue your royal ass. Get the hell up! Wake the fuck up! ''(swings the sword at the gong above Zelda)'' Oh, I get it.
:'''Link:''' I just saved you from Ganon! I won!
:'''AVGN''': Nothing short of poetry.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': In other Zelda games, there’s secret passageways that transport you all around the dungeon. That makes sense. But here, when you’re just walking to the next screen, and suddenly appear some place different on the map, it’s like, &quot;What the Hell happened to this game?&quot; I don't believe this! Like, [Stammers] I seriously don't believe this! ''[drinks beer]'' That's it, that's all I can take. How could they fuck up ''Zelda'' this bad!? It's not a ''Zelda'' game, I wouldn't call it that. &quot;Oh, but it is. It has Zelda in it, it has Link...&quot; Yeah, you know what, that's a pointless argument right there. That's like if your dad said, &quot;I fucked your mom.&quot; It's like: &quot;I can't argue with that!&quot; Playing these games is as worthwhile as melting a dog turd in a frying pan. Yeah, put some buffalo puke and some cat piss all over it, and you have a shit sandwich that is Zelda CD-i! This game FUCKING SUCKS! ''(hurls a game off-screen)'' FUCKING SUCKS! ''(hurls a second game off-screen)'' FUCKING SUCKS! ''(hurls a third game off-screen)'' Oh yeah, and the ''Mario'' game? That one sucks too! ''(hurls ''Hotel Mario'' off-screen)'' CD-i SUCKS!!! ''(as the screen fade to black, AVGN is heard seemingly hurling the CD-i console itself as well)''

=== Bible Games II ===

:'''AVGN''': Welcome to another sacrilegious Christmas fuck-fest! Now, two years ago, I played a bunch of Bible games. Yeah, now would you believe there's actually more of them? (He holds more Bible games) Like, who makes video games based off the Bible? Why would you do that? These games suck ass! If I was God, I'd be pissed.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''AVGN''': ''(playing ''[[w:Exodus (video game)|Exodus]]'' on the NES)'' So the exit appears, you take it and then you get a bunch of Bible questions such as &quot;'''The king of Egypt told the Hebrew midwives to: Kill male babies; Kill all babies;'''&quot; &quot;Kill all babies&quot;? I'm playing an NES game that says &quot;''Kill all babies''&quot;? And you know what? That's the wrong answer, so that obviously means that's something they made up. &quot;Kill all babies&quot;!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''AVGN''': ''(playing ''[[w:Sunday Funday|Sunday Funday]]'' which is a clone of Menace Beach)'' Instead of trying to rescue your girl, you're not even going to believe this when I tell you, you're trying to get to Sunday school. Yeah. Now, as much as that's the dumbest idea I've ever heard for a game, what I don't understand is why that's so difficult! Who ''are'' these raging atheists that don't want you to go to church!? It's bad enough that the entire town is trying to stop you, but what's with the flying clowns, the old ladies coming out of boxes, and animals coming out of sewer holes? What's this guy's problem? Like why does everyone want him dead? I'd say he's having quite a day. And the funny thing is, he probably gets to church and doesn't even mention it, like: &quot;Oh what did you do on this Sunday morning before church?&quot; &quot;Oh, well I flew on a balloon that I got from some clown, and then I went through the sewers and beat up a bunch of plumbers. I hopped on some frog and bounced around on a bunch of springs and shit, then I threw a bomb and blew some guy's fuckin' face off.&quot;

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''AVGN''': All right, well that's enough with that one. It's time to wrap things up. I've got something to blow the lid off the crap barrel. Time to flick the shit switch, turn up the diarrhea dial! IT'S BIBLE GAMES ON CD-I!! Yeah! We're living on the edge! More like living on a prayer!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''AVGN''': ''(playing'' Pyramid Pursuit ''on'' Moses: The Exodus'' for CD-i)'' The voices are the fuckest baloney shit you'll ever hear.
:'''Anubis statue''': ''(in monotone)'' I'm an idol worshipped by many. There's someone downstairs who worships me.
:'''AVGN''': What is it, a robot?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''AVGN''': Alright, well I'm done. There's not really any more Bible games, or at least ones that actually qualify as games. There's one on Game Boy called The King James Bible. It's extremely rare, but all it is is literally the whole Bible on a Game Boy cartridge. So I'm gonna draw the line right there. So have a Happy Holidays and all that good shit. Merry Christmas to all, and all a good fucking night!

=== [[w:Michael Jackson's Moonwalker|Michael Jackson's Moonwalker]] ===
:'''The Nerd:''' I think Dave Chappelle said it best, he made ''Thriller. [opens the vinyl record of &quot;Thriller&quot;] Thriller.''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd:''' Now, I know what we're all thinking here, but really, that's all it is. You're just rescuing the kids.
:''[He is shocked to learn that you can make Michael Jackson grab his crotch.]''
:'''The Nerd:''' Why...? Why would they put that in the game?! ''How'' could they put that in the game?!

=== [[w:Milon's Secret Castle|Milon's Secret Castle]] ===
:''[Milon runs out a door, and gets hit by lightning in-game.]'' 
:'''The Nerd''': Fuck.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': I'm gonna give you a little tour. Here's the first part of the game. You could explore the whole outside of the castle, but you can't go up to the second level yet. For now, all you have is three doors and a window. The first door leads to a room that has nothing interesting. The only thing interesting here is an area with a bunch of money. But how the Hell do you get over there? It's like the game is deliberately taunting you. &quot;Hey, you want that money, don't ya? You want that money, yeah, you want that money, you want that money? Yeah, well '''fuck you''', you can't have it!&quot;

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': So, that's when you need... the power. ''[The Nerd puts down the controller and gets out his Nintendo Power magazine.]'' ''Nintendo Power''! It's like: &quot;You wanna know how to beat the game? Well, you gotta '''buy our magazine''', you dumb little shits!&quot;
:'''The Nerd''': This is the ''Classified Information'' section. Usually, this is all about cheats. &quot;''Golgo 13'': Stage Select. ''Spy Hunter'': Start with all weapons. ''Wizards and Warriors'': Bypass the Wizard! ''Mario 2'': Short Cuts to Birdo. ''Milon's Secret Castle'': Getting Started?&quot; That's not a cheat! That's just how to play the fuckin' game! The basic rules of the game needed ''Nintendo Power''. ''That''... is some fuck!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''':''Milon's Secret Castle''. More like '''''Milon's SHITTY ASSHOLE'''''!

== Season Four ==

=== [[w:Atari Jaguar|Atari Jaguar Part One]] ===
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': This started a little trend I like to call the &quot;Bit Wars.&quot; Nobody ever talked about bits before that and nobody ever talked about bits since. And what are bits, anyway? Nobody knew, they're just bits! Try explaining that to your parents. &quot;Well I want a [[w:Super Nintendo|Super Nintendo]] for Christmas!&quot; &quot;Don't you already have a Nintendo?&quot; &quot;Yeah, but this one's 16 bit!&quot; &quot;What's that?&quot; &quot;...I dunno!&quot;

=== [[w:Atari Jaguar|Atari Jaguar Part Two]] ===

:'''AVGN''': ''(playing ''[[w:Attack of the Mutant Penguins|Attack of the Mutant Penguins]]'')'' This is the weirdest game I've ever played. I mean, it's not ''bad'' if you're drunk or high or something, but how did they come up with this shit? I got it. I could come up with a game like this. How about, you're a shark? And you gotta shake palm trees 'til trains fall down. And you put the trains in an apple and then turkeys come and eat the apples, and then the turkeys go up waterfalls and to get them down, you have to collect monkey butts. So you drop the monkey butts on power lines and... ''(trails off and mimes his brain exploding)''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Skylar''': ''(the green face from ''[[w:Cybermorph|Cybermorph]]'' appears from behind AVGN's futon and chases him off)'' Where did ''you'' learn to fly? Where did ''you'' learn to fly? Where did ''you'' learn to fly?
:'''AVGN''': ''(shoots Skylar's image with the Super Scope)'' Where'd ''you'' learn to be an ''asshole''?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''':There's something about this that perplexes me. You have a game console, that not many people owned, so you make an add-on that requires owning the game console. What were they thinking?! It should've just been its own individual game system. Besides, the fucking thing has its own AC adapter. So, that's two. One for the Jaguar, and one for the Jaguar CD. And that's some cool looking design. It looks just like a toilet. Yeah! It's a fucking toilet! What a perfect analogy. 

&lt;hr width&quot;50$%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': Well, thanks for trying. And thanks for the Pong console. Would you believe that a 30-year-old Pong console attached to a cell phone adapter would work, but a cutting-edge, snarling Jaguar doesn't? There's something wrong here. And you know what? I blew 250 bucks on this thing. So, you know what I did? Bought another one. Yeah, and guess what? It doesn't work, either! So, that's about $450 total I blew on two dead Jaguars. And these things are rare! So when the only two that I can manage to get my hands on just don't work, that leads me to believe that these things most definitely are self-aware. They don't wanna work! You can't make 'em! They just REFUSE to be reviewed! And I've never had that happen. So, the end... I gotta take a shit.

=== [[w:Metal Gear (video game)|Metal Gear]] ===
:'''AVGN''': And his full name is [[w:Solid Snake|Solid Snake]]? Might as well just be Erect Cock!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': What!? '''You son-of-a-bitch!''' The enemies respawn if you use the binoculars! You can't do anything! Was this a glitch?! Or were the game designers deliberately trying to be '''FUCKIN' ASSHOLES!!?''' Seriously! And this whole jungle scene wasn't even in the original version. Like, &quot;Hmm, let's see, what kind of stupid shit can we add? Let's take a great game and just dump an assload of diarrhea all over it.&quot;

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''AVGN''': This game is the fucking crust between your balls. It's terrible! And yeah, I know it's a classic game, but when something's fucked up, it's fucked up. So if you wanna rip me a new asshole, that's fine. I have like 12. Yeah, I've got a [[w:Charlie Brown|Charlie Brown]] ghost ass.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': And it's not just me. [[w:Hideo Kojima|Hideo Kojima]] himself said &quot;It slurped anal grease through a warthog's dickhole.&quot; Well, he didn't say it like that, he said it wasn't faithful to his original game.

=== [[w:Magnavox Odyssey|Odyssey]] ===

:'''AVGN''': These are the games. Pretty elaborate, right? The titles are the best part. Like what are some of the games you grew up with? Maybe ''Wrecking Crew'' on the NES, or ''After Burner'' on the Sega Master System, or, how about, game number 1 on the Odyssey?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': Now let's try the skiing game. All you do is move the light through the slopes, and with these controllers, it's harder than it looks. The only goal is to stay in the line and see how fast you can get to the end. It's up to the other player to keep time. Now THAT is what you would call a ''desperate'' attempt at a video game.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': This one's called &quot;Analogic&quot;. Yeah, that sounds fun: It's like the logic in your ass. It's supposed to take place in outer space. You each start on your own planet. I guess maybe Uranus and My-anus!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': ''(talking about the name-the-United-State game)'' I also love how the instructions tell you that Alaska and Hawaii aren't really down there ''(below the 48 consecutive states)''. Hey, Nerdy Turd, did you know that Hawaii isn't really south of Texas?
:'''Nerdy Turd:''' ''(raspberry)''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': So now, let's see what the Odyssey Gun looks like. ''(removes the peripheral, resembling an authentic rifle, out of its box)'' Well, the Odyssey doesn't fuck around. I mean, this is what you'd call a ''gun''. I mean look at it! It's a gun! It's a fucking rifle! I mean, they could never get away with this nowadays! You could never, ever... it ju- it just blows my mind that there could exist a video game console that has a gun like this! ''(expresses happiness)'' Let's try it out! (hooks up the Odyssey gun and fires it, accidentally shooting a hole in his TV screen)

=== [[w:List of X-Men video games|X-Men]] ===
:'''AVGN''': Anyway, with a concept like ''X-Men'', you'd expect a great game. Or at least, a fairly decent game. All the characters and powers and shit... How hard could it be? Well, we are doomed from the very start. Take a look: ''(holds up ''[[w:The Uncanny X-Men (video game)|The Uncanny X-Men]]'' for NES)'' Somebody makes an ''X-Men'' game for Nintendo, why in the love of fuck does it have to be [[w:LJN|LJN]]? You take one look at that logo, and you just know: There is no gold at the end of that rainbow, because this, my friends, is the unholy stamp of death.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': How I can be frozen with a character that's called Iceman? I'd be better off with Iceman from ''Top Gun''.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''AVGN''': The X-Men game I remember most fondly is the [[w:X-Men (1992 video game)|arcade]] by Konami. Some versions have six players and a double panoramic screen. It was extremely monotonous, but satisfying as all Hell.
:'''Magneto''': X-Men, welcome to die!
:'''AVGN''': Welcome to die? Okay. It was a classic style beat 'em up, and one of the best in that category. Only problem: it was never released on a home console. It suffered the same fate as Konami's Simpsons game. Some might say these games would have been butchered on their home counterparts, but if you look at how well Turtles in Time fared on the Super NES, it only raises the question: &quot;Why the fuck not do the same to X-Men and Simpsons?&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': When it comes to X-Men games, that's how I recommended. But the two NES versions? Stay away. Stay away as far as possible. They suck. They suck balls! This one sucks my left ball, this one sucks my right ball! WELCOME TO DIE! ''(destroys the NES games with laser beams from his eyes)''

=== [[w:Terminator video games|The Terminator]] ===
:''[Terminator-styled AVGN intro, followed by the Nerd picking up the NES &quot;Terminator&quot; cartridge. He uses Terminator vision to choose from a selection of responses: &quot;This sucks!&quot;, &quot;No way!&quot;, &quot;Oh no!&quot;, &quot;What a piece of fucking dog shit!&quot; and &quot;Go to Hell!&quot;. He settles on &quot;What a piece of fucking dog shit!&quot;]''
:'''The Nerd''': What a piece of fuckin dog shit!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': ''[He returns to NES Terminator after mining lives by attaching a wrench to the controller]'' Alright, I'm back. I'm all refreshed, ready to play some more ''Terminator'' with all new extra lives. All 6 of 'em... ''[The Nerd stops after he finds out that he still only has 6 lives]'' ''(shocked)'' 6? '''''Only 6?!'''''  OK, I gotta be honest. It's only one digit, I didn't expect more than nine. But why a random number like 6?! That means that some fucked up masochist actually programmed it that way, and made a decision, &quot;Hmm, let's see. Well, anything more than 6, that's too much.&quot; Fuckin' asshole! The only thing I can think of now, is to wait 'til you die 5 times and do it again.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': ''[playing the SNES game]'' After such a long sprint, you'd think that thing was maybe the boss, but no, how naïve. So you keep running this everlasting shitty marathon, shooting shit and getting shit shot at you. Eventually you come to the boss, right? It's certainly big enough to be the boss, and it certainly took long enough to get this far. I'm gonna say it's the boss. Come on, die! Die! Yeah, alright, that's it. What now? What? Are you fucking kidding me? Holy mother in fucking God shit holy mackerel gosh damn, how is it not over yet?! How long could this first level possibly go?! Unless maybe the whole game is like this! I just can't fuckin' believe it! So I died, like anybody would. Game Over. First level goes on forever. Can't beat it. End of story. The game's impossible.

=== [[w:Terminator video games|Terminator 2: Judgement Day]] ===

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''AVGN''': ''[on ''Terminator 2'' on SNES]'' All I can say is, my ''God,'' the control is ''so'' bad. It's so stiff, and you can't punch anyone when they're too close. But check out the jump. What is that good for? It's like he's a marionette, or he's being hanged by an invisible rope. ''(The Terminator hops forward awkwardly)'' Like, holy Lord, that is some fuck right there. Look at him go! Wooo, wooo, wooo! ''(chuckling)'' Oh, God. I can't see the reasoning behind it. You can't make something that funny by accident. They took somebody as badass as the Terminator, and made him into a mockery. It's a fuckin' joke! And I'm not just doin' this to be funny, it's because of how slow he walks. The only way to go any faster is to hop around like a fuckin' idiot.

=== [[w:Transformers: Convoy no Nazo|Transformers]] ===
:'''The Nerd''': Let me ask a question. What kind of format do you usually play video games on? Cartridges, CDs, cards, floppy disks... how about an audio cassette? Isn't that just a weird thought to play a game on a friggin' cassette tape? This is Transformers for the Commodore 64, the computer that is most definitely more than meets the eye.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': ''[reviewing ''[[w:The Transformers (1986 video game)|Transformers]]'' on the Commodore 64]'' By the way, I'm at a farm with a dinosaur stepping on a space shuttle. I have no comment.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': Wouldn't you think that a game based on the Transformers would have more emphasis on action rather than this strategic simulation thing? Well, guess what? There was a Transformers game that was a side-scroller. But only in Japan. Let me introduce the Nintendo Famicom. Simply put, this is the Japanese [[w:Nintendo Entertainment System|NES]]. Very different from that gray box, isn't it? This one's smaller and it's a top-loader. It has a nice dust tray. And the controller's attached to the console, which is efficient. But the wires are too short, and they're hardwired into the console, so you can never change them. The controllers are the same; Select, Start, B, A. But the second controller, instead of Select and Start, it has a microphone. Very few games utilized this. From what I understand, in The Legend of Zelda, you kill Pols Voice by making a loud noise into the mic. Of course that's only in the Japanese version, but the manual still says that Pols Voice hates loud noises, which only mystified players outside of Japan. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': ''[reviewing &quot;Transformers: Convoy no Nazo&quot;]'' Everything's so small, so fast, and moves at such irregular patterns, hitting your mark is like trying to piss into a shot glass that's spinning on a record player that's strapped to a running cheetah's back while you're riding a unicycle on a tightrope blindfolded.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[the Nerd is fighting the boss battle against [[w:Megatron (Transformers)|Megatron]] in stage nine.]''
:'''The Nerd''': It's the end of the road, Megatron! UUNNNHH! '''HUUAAH!''' '''''HUNNNGGHH!'''''! Come on, come on, die! Hunngh! ''[defeats Megatron]'' '''''BOOM! Yeah!!!''''' Now, ''that's'' some intense shit right there. In conclusion, all I can say about this game--
:''[as the Nerd is talking, the level startup music plays and the stage theme begins playing again, this time for the tenth and final stage. The Nerd pauses the game in disbelief.]''
:'''The Nerd''': Stage ''10?'' I fuckin' beat Megatron, who the hell could be next? Fuckin' &quot;Stage 10&quot;, my ass! I'm guessing if Megatron's not the final boss, it's gotta be [[w:Galvatron|Galvatron]] or maybe [[w:Unicron|Unicron]] or Fuckitron, who knows. 
:''[the final boss of the game is [[w:Trypticon|Trypticon]], who is in his form that makes him strongly resemble [[w:Mechagodzilla|Mecha-Godzilla]].]''
:'''The Nerd''': Oh. It's (Trypticon, yet strongly resembles) Mecha-Godzilla. Of course. I should've known.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': So now, is it any wonder why this game was never released outside of Japan? ''''''CAUSE NOBODY ELSE WANTS TO PLAY THIS FUCKIN' SHIT!''''' Well, I gotta do what I gotta do. ''[points the Zapper at the Famicom]'' One shall stand, one shall-- ''[the Famicom transforms into Optimus Prime.]'' Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa. Who are you?
:'''Optimus Prime:''' My name is Optimus Prime.
:'''The Nerd''': Well, you don't look anything like-- ''[Optimus blasts the Nerd with a laser]'' '''''Ugh!'''''
:'''Optimus Prime:''' ''[using audio from ''[[w:The Transformers: The Movie|The Transformers: The Movie]]'']'' (You, who are without mercy, now plead for it?) I thought you were made of sterner stuff.

=== [[w:Mario is Missing|Mario Is Missing]] ===

:'''AVGN''': What's this say? &quot;Koopas seem to have gotten clean away with King Kong&quot;? Are you telling me you're supposed to return [[w:King Kong|King Kong]] to the [[w:Empire State Building|Empire State Building]]? This blows my mind on '''so''' many levels. First of all, how did the Koopas capture King Kong? Second, why is New York City concerned that King Kong was stolen from the Empire State Building? Remember when the planes were tryin' to shoot him down? Isn't it pretty clear they want Kong '''''off''''' the building? Third, if this is supposed to be an educational game teaching us things that belong to New York City, '''''WHY IN THE HOLY MOTHER OF FUCK DID THEY CHOOSE A GIANT APE THAT DOESN'T EVEN EXIST?!''''' Fourth, the bag. Okay, King Kong is like, 50 feet tall or somethin'? But in this game, they made him out to be, like, 1,500 feet. How big ''is'' he exactly? Well, if bigger than the Empire State Building isn't a good enough analogy, then let's just say, '''''A LOT BIGGER THAN THAT FUCKIN' BAG!''''' And fifth, I can't grasp the concept that King Kong is in a ''Mario'' game, the same character that was a direct inspiration for Donkey Kong, who also appeared in games with the Mario character. Are we running into some kinda paradox here or what?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''AVGN''': There's sort of like a help desk where you're supposed to return the object or the landmark or whatever, but the lady at the window won't talk to you unless you call Yoshi to come and give ya an extra boost. Okay, so are you telling me that the reason that stupid bitch won't talk to you at first is because Luigi is too short to reach the window? For fuck's sake, he can jump higher than the shittin' thing! How stupid do they think we are?! &quot;'''Use Yoshi to reach the help desk'''&quot;. Well, how about use my greasy Italian plumber cock to whack you across the fuckin' face!?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''AVGN''': You know what? Educate me. '''Please''' educate me. Because, I'm goin' through sensory deprivation! I'm so fuckin' bored I'd rather go back to school than play this shit!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''AVGN''': Educational or not, these games are '''''horrible''''' abominations of space and time that give insult to the very fabric of nature itself! In other words... they suck.

=== [[w:Plumbers Don't Wear Ties|Plumbers Don't Wear Ties]] ===

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': I remember in the early '90s seeing commercials for the 3DO. It was advertised as the most advanced game system and it forced itself right into your face, like: &quot;If you don't get this thing, you're gonna get left in the dust.&quot; It even went out of its way to insult Super Nintendo and Sega Genesis, saying that those are just baby toys. Well, everybody I knew had those &quot;baby toys&quot; and nobody--I repeat, NOBODY, I have ever met owned a 3DO. Probably because its price in the US was $700. I mean, FUCK. But you better buy it, because this is the real gaming console. That was its slogan, REAL, because it's a real pieceashit!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': Well, the game is called &quot;Plumbers Don't Wear Ties&quot;, so I guess it makes sense. He's a plumber, and I don't see him wearing a tie. ''(The moment he says tie, John is shown wearing a tie.)'' ''What the fuck?'' You can't even trust the fuckingdamn title!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Thresher:''' You know, perhaps something can be worked out after all. ... Take your clothes off, Jane.
:'''AVGN''': Oh shit.
:'''Thresher:''' You know, we get at least 200 qualified applicants for every position here. It's those people who do that little extra thing. They're the ones who get head-I mean get ahead.
:'''AVGN''': Oh, what a bad joke. It doesn't even have any relevance now. He just told her to take off her clothes. He might as well say straight out, &quot;Suck my cock.&quot;
:'''Thresher:''' TAKE YOUR DAMN CLOTHES OFF!
:'''AVGN''': What a pervert! And what's with all the filters? ''(wrong answer sound effect plays)''
:'''Narrator''': Now see how your sick curiosity led Jane into this mess?
:'''AVGN''': Time for another decision. Either she refuses to take off her clothes, or she accepts. Now, wait a minute. The first decision says, &quot;Our heroine declines the disgusting proposal!&quot; But in the image, she seems to be taking off her clothes. While running away, but still. It doesn't make any sense. Did they swap the images by accident? So let's go with the more interesting choice. ''(Jane is now shown undressed, holding a whip and handcuffs)'' ''Damn!'' She just happened to have a whip and handcuffs?! ''(imitating Thresher)'' Wow, I'd no idea she'd actually do it! ''(Jane now has Thresher, in his underwear, on his knees in an S&amp;M position. The Nerd is utterly shocked by this scene.)'' WHAT KIND OF FUCKED-UP GAME IS THIS!!? 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': Now for the final choice. Either, &quot;'''I want the Hollywood ending!'''&quot; or &quot;'''Gimme something different.'''&quot; Yeah, you know what? Give me something different. Give me a different fuckin' game! ''(tosses the game away)'' This is one of the worst things I have ever seen in my life. On the box, it says, &quot;Plays like a game...but feels like a MOVIE!!!&quot; Well that's horse shit. It does not play like a game, and it ''certainly'' does not feel like a movie. It's a slideshow that verges on being softcore porn. But it isn't that either! ''(video goes into different still photos of the Nerd with filters and crazy objects inserted.)'' It's like some kind of experimental art project. If I just made a bunch of shit and put all kinds of filters on it, that would be the same as this miserable pile of fuck. It would also be the same to go take a shit on a piece of toast on top of a roof while wearing a fish mask singing I’m Too Sexy.

=== [[w:The Bugs Bunny Crazy Castle|The Bugs Bunny Crazy Castle]] ===
:'''The Nerd''': All right. That's it. I'm done with this game. I'd rather press my face against a hippopotamus' butt while it muck-spreads! That's when a hippo takes a shit; rather than allowing the shit to drop from its anus, it presses its tail against its ass crack, waving it back and forth, shredding the shit all over the place! That's as much fun as this game is, like putting a turd in a fan or a band saw. You just don't do it.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': Come on, I thought toons like to get beat up!
:'''Bugs Bunny:''' We do, doc. But you know what we don't like? Getting shit on the '''FUCKIN' ''FACE!!'''''

=== [[w:Super Pitfall|Super Pitfall!]] ===
:'''AVGN''': ''[At the beginning of the game, Pitfall Harry climbs down the first ladder and dies]'' Nice. Fucking beautiful. The first ladder you see drops you into a pit where you get killed by a bird or a bat, whatever it is. And even if it wasn't there, I'd fall on the spikes. So it's basically death insurance. &quot;Let's put every kind of obstacle we can possibly think of in the very beginning of the game.&quot; You know, I'm disappointed. Couldn't there have been lava on top of the spikes, with fire sharks swimming in it? Couldn't there be more spikes coming from the sides ready to close in and squash me while stabbing at the same time? How 'bout some laser cannons and upside down volcanoes? You want to be even more efficient? Why even have the ladder? Why not just start the game falling down the pit? Fuckin' assholes! [sighs] Talk about a beginner's trap. They sure nailed it.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': So we're jumping around in thin air, trying to find different suits, like spades, hearts and diamonds. What purpose does this have? I found the princess... does he need to play Poker with her or something?

=== [[w:Godzilla video games|Godzilla]] ===

:'''The Nerd:''' ''[failing to defeat [[wikipedia:Mechagodzilla|Mechagodzilla]]]'' '''''THAT FUCKIN' TIME LIMIT! THAT MOTHERFUCKIN'-SHIT-SUCKIN' TIME LIMIT!''''' It's not even like there's a counter! It's like the game just pulls the plug! Like: &quot;Oh, you're gonna win? Well not anymore, ya ass-backed fecal-fucker shit-faced anus brain!&quot; The game cheats. That's it. That's all there is to it. The game fuckin' cheats.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd:''' ''[reviewing ''[[w:Godzilla (Game Boy)|Godzilla]]'' on Game Boy]'' How could they do this to the king of the monsters!? They might as well have Godzilla in a clown suit jumping on a pogo stick. I'm not even gonna waste my time with this shit. The best way to sum this up is to recite a very famous quote from [[w:William Shakespeare|William Shakespeare]]: &quot;Fuck it!&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd:''' 15 years later, I'm still pissed. All I wanted was a good Godzilla game, but my childhood passed me by, and I never got it. ''[He drinks beer]'' But nowadays, there's plenty of Godzilla games: ''[[w:Godzilla: Destroy All Monsters Melee|Godzilla Destroy All Monsters Melee]]'', ''[[w:Godzilla: Save the Earth|Godzilla: Save the Earth]]'', and ''[[w:Godzilla: Unleashed|Godzilla: Unleashed]]''. This is after my time. I don't know anything about this here PlayStation 2 and Xbox shit. But I'm gonna give it a try.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd:''' ''[comparing modern-day ''Godzilla'' games to the above titles]'' Why couldn't I have ''those'' games when I was a kid?! Goddamn it, I was born too fuckin' early. Instead, I have to grow up these miserable pieces of shit-fuckin' anal juggs. These games suck Baragon's sweaty ballsack! I'd rather get an electric shock from suckin' Mecha-Godzilla's mechanical wiener! These games are ''shit, drizzling'' out of the Smog Monster's rancid putrid a-hole! And then, being swallowed and barfed up by Anguirus while I lay on his spikes getting Gigan's buzzsaw up my ass, ''while Destoroyah dumps his diabolical diarrhea all over my face!'' Man, it's just a bunch of fuck, it's a pile of cunt, fuck, shit, fuck...cunt...fuck. Goddamn it! I just said &quot;Fuck!&quot; from the bottom of my heart, and I said every curse that there is. There's nothing left. So, you know what? Somebody's gotta invent a new curse word. I think I got it. This game, these fuckin' games are... '''''SCUNT!!!''''' Oh, yeah. It's that bad.

=== [[w:Wayne's World (video game)|Wayne's World]] ===
:'''The Nerd:''' The enemies are the most cliché you could possibly think of. When would Wayne and Garth ever be fighting spiders and ninjas? Who cares, right? As long as the game says ''Wayne's World,'' kids will want it.
:'''Noah Vanderhoff:''' Kids know dick.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd:''' Every time he gets hit, he says &quot;NOT!&quot;
:'''Wayne:''' '''''NOT!'''''
:'''The Nerd:''' That doesn't make any sense. What is he saying &quot;not&quot; to? Usually, the word &quot;not&quot; follows a sarcastic statement. It's like explaining it to [[w:Borat|Borat]].
:'''Borat:''' And this suit is ''not'' black!
:'''Borat's Therapist:''' No, no, &quot;not&quot; has to be the end.
:'''Borat:''' OK, OK, this suit is black not.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd:''' Well, I can't beat the first level, so I'm done with this game!... Well, there ''is'' a code.
:'''Benjamin:''' I did not realize that. Russell, did you realize that?
:'''Russell Finley:''' No, I did not realize that.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd:''' And could you guess the boss in this level? Would you expect anything different than... a giant donut?
:'''Wayne:''' Aaaahahahahaha! Yeah! Hahaha!

=== [[w:Castlevania (video game)|Castlevania Part One]] ===
:'''The Nerd''': What in the unholy name of ass is this fuckness? ''[looks at the script and fuckness is displayed as an invalid word]'' Oh, wait, that's not a word? Well, it should be. 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': Hmm. &quot;'''Trans Fishers'''&quot;? That reminds me of [[w:Terence Fisher|Terence Fisher]], the director of many of the hammer horror films. That's a funny coincidence. Oh, wait. &quot;'''Vran Stoker'''&quot;? Like [[w:Bram Stoker|Bram Stoker]], the author of ''[[w:Dracula|Dracula]]''? Wha-- &quot;'''Christopher Bee'''&quot;? Is it a joke? I don't get it! Are they saying [[w:Christopher Lee|Christopher Lee]] is like a bee? ''[Bee with a face like Christopher Lee's comes buzzing by]'' No, they can't mean that. This is probably just a series of strangely coincidental typos. &quot;'''[[w:Béla Lugosi|Belo Lugosi]]'''&quot;? &quot;'''[[w:Boris Karloff|Boris Karloffice]]'''&quot;? They're just fuckin' around. &quot;'''[[w:Lon_Chaney, Jr.|Love Chaney Jr.]]'''&quot;? &quot;'''[[w:Max Schreck|Mix Schrecks]]'''&quot;? &quot;'''[[w:Glenn Strange|Green Stranger]]'''&quot;? Is this supposed to be funny? Like, just to take a celebrity's name and change it around? That's like if I took the name [[w:Steven Spielberg|Steven Spielberg]] and called him &quot;'''Steven Gielberg'''&quot;. Like, that's not funny, that's kindergarten level! No, kindergarten students don't find that funny! Aliens don't find that funny! Well, anyway, that's ''Castlevania'' for you. Good game, but holy fuck, is it hard. Now, as promised, we're gonna plow through the rest of 'em, all the old-school Castlevania games. The ones that I grew up w--
:''[the '''&quot;WHAT A HORRIBLE NIGHT TO HAVE A CURSE.&quot;''' box from ''Castlevania II: Simon's Quest'' appears in front of the Nerd, interrupting him. The box disappears a few seconds later, and a day-to-night transition in the style of the said game is shown. Then the &quot;Monster Dance Theme&quot; plays and the Nerd's room looks darker than before. The Nerd notices the cartridge of said game]''
:'''The Nerd''': Not that one. Next on our list, is ''Castlevania III,'' which in many ways is the true follow-up--
:''[&quot;Monster Dance Theme&quot; plays and cartridge is shown again]''
:'''The Nerd''': ''No.'' I already reviewed that game. So, anyway--
:''[&quot;Monster Dance Theme&quot; music plays and cartridge is shown again]''
:'''The Nerd''': No.
:''[&quot;Monster Dance Theme&quot; plays and cartridge is shown again]''
:'''The Nerd''': Stop.
:''[&quot;Monster Dance Theme&quot; plays and cartridge is shown again]''
:'''The Nerd''': Stop!
:''[&quot;Monster Dance Theme&quot; plays and cartridge is shown again]''
:'''The Nerd''': ''[annoyed]'' '''''STOP!'''''
:''[&quot;Monster Dance Theme&quot; plays and cartridge is shown yet again, and the Nerd looks at ''Castlevania III,'' and then back at ''Castlevania II,'' and &quot;To Be Continued...&quot; appears.]''

=== [[w:CastleVania|CastleVania Part Two]] ===
:'''The Nerd''': It goes back to the basic style of the first game, but has two main innovations. The first thing, you often come to a fork in the road where you get to choose which path to take. The other thing is that you get to play as other characters, whom you meet along the way. There's Grant, who climbs on walls, Sypha, who has magic spells, and Alucard, who can turn into a bat, but you need enough hearts to do it. Alucard happens to be Dracula's son. The name Alucard's Dracula spelled backwards, and it came from the 1943 movie, ''Son of Dracula.''
:'''Dracula''': Announce Count Alucard.
:'''Harry Brewster''': D-R-A-C--
:'''Frank Stanley''': What are you mumbling about?
:'''Harry Brewster''': Nothing, nothing. Just a silly idea hit me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd:''' If there's any game which puts you in a bad mood, it's ''CastleVania III.'' You know, like if you want a game that'll '''''piss you off,''''' putting this game in your Nintendo is like running open-armed out into a rainstorm of piss. You wanna go balls to the wall? Well, there's one way to put your balls to the wall, and that's to stick your dick into an electric outlet. You wanna play shit tennis with an orangutan while having your head up a '''''hyena's asshole?!''''' Well, good luck. Well, that finishes off the '''CastleVania''' trilogy, but there's more memories to be shared. 'Cause Dracula never dies, Halloween is goin' overtime, it's a ''CastleVania''-thon! ''[howls like a wolf]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[blooper]''
:'''James D. Rolfe''': This game is like playing shit tennis, with an orangutan, while havin' a hyena's head up your ass! ''[cracks a smile]'' Or ''your'' head up ''it's'' ass! And-- ''[breaks character and laughs]''

=== [[w:Castlevania|Castlevania Part Three]] ===
:'''The Nerd:''' When the 1980s came to an end, the ''Castlevania'' trilogy was already edged into my mind as classic. It was the arcitype of both the action and horror genres and a masterpiece in side-scrolling gaming. Roughly at the turn of the decade came the 16-bit era. I had no idea that it could actually get better. In 1991, ''Castlevania'' made its transition to the new Super Nintendo. But this wasn't just ''Castlevania IV.'' Oh, no. This was '''''Super''' Castlevania IV'', and well worthy of that title. The graphics and sound just blew my fucking balls off. The haunting and chilling atmosphere of the old games was now like a walk through the park with the Care Bears. This time, I was ''really'' getting scared.

=== [[w:Castlevania|Castlevania Part Four]] ===
:'''The Nerd:''' That's what you call ''Castlevania.'' Traditional side-scrolling action. Familiar, yet fresh. It takes place all over Europe rather than just strictly in Transylvania. You get a choice of two characters; John Morris and Eric Lecarde. I wonder what happened to the Belmonts? Who are these people? Well, supposedly, John Morris is the son of Quincy Morris from ''Dracula'', the Bram Stoker novel. (cut to him IRL) That just blew my mind! It's like now we're bringing the novel into it? So the whole canon of the games is now with the canon of the book, and... it's like taking two cannons and putting them together!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd:''' What are these, skeletons shooting lasers out their cocks?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd:''' &quot;ANALBAG&quot;, that's me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''' In ''Dawn of Sorrow,'' Dracula's castle emerges from a solar eclipse in Japan. I thought that Japan had enough trouble with Godzilla stomping around. Now they have Dracula, too?

=== [[w:Little Red Hood|Little Red Hood]] ===
:'''The Nerd:''' You're familiar with the story, right? It goes somethin' like this. Once upon a time, there was a girl named Little Red Riding Hood. She liked to jump in the air and whistle out her vagina. She kicked at trees until Big Bird's ballsack would appear. What, that's not the story? Oh, well excuse me, 'cause this isn't ''Little Red Riding Hood''. This is ''Little '''RED''' Hood''.

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:'''The Nerd:''' The only thing you might be wondering now, is what on Earth does this have to do with the story of ''Little Red Riding Hood''? Well... I'll tell ya. '''''Absolutely fuckin' nothing.'''''

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:'''The Nerd:''' The music never changes. Every level is the same frothy sound of crackling ass!

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:'''The Nerd:''' It's just, so random... Y'know, how many times have I used the word &quot;random&quot; and &quot;appear&quot;? But that's exactly what's happening. Stuff appears, or doesn't appear, or randomly does something else. I feel like a guinea pig in an experiment where they're testing the effects of negative reinforcement. Let's see what happens if we take the key away... It's 20 years late, but whoever you are, and if you wanna know what the effect is, [[Ghostbusters|I'll tell ya the effect: IT'S FUCKIN' PISSING ME OFF!]]

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:'''The Nerd:''' But the most fucked-up level of all, is Level 8. Here, the key never appears. Just, never. It never appears. I played this stage for about an hour, before I eventually looked up an online walkthrough from someone who probably had more time to spare than me, and guess what? In this stage, the key doesn't appear, until you buy an invincibility potion and three slingshots! '''''HOW WOULD ANYBODY KNOW TO DO THAT?!''''' You go through the whole game, all of a sudden they throw you a curve ball and change the fuckin' rules!

=== [[w:Winter Games|Winter Games]] ===
:''[&quot;Dance of the Sugarplum Fairies&quot; plays in the background]''
:'''The Nerd''': It's winter. It's fucking cold. We're playing some ''Winter Games''. But anyway, let me get the greeting outta the way. Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, happy... everybody! Happy holidays. And if you have a problem with &quot;Happy Holidays&quot;, then happy shut-the-fuck-up. But there ain't nothing happy about this shit.

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:'''The Nerd''': ''[horrible 8-bit background music]'' How do you like that music? Listen. ''[commenting on the music at the end of the Speed Skating event]'' Exquisite. ''[sarcastically]'' Isn't that the most beautiful, radiant sound that has ever been blessed upon your soul? Its exuberant tonality harmoniously blends the dying squeals of electronic goats with the melodic rapture of diarrhea bubbling from a coyote's crap-hole.

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:'''The Nerd''': ''[playing the Figure Skating event]'' I'm not even kidding, but if I were to give out an award, a big shit-dripping trophy for the worst controls ''ever'' in a video game, I think it would go to this! I mean look at it! I've never seen anything this unresponsive! I'm hitting every button combination possible! You know, all it needs to be said about ''Winter Games'' is that you push buttons. That's all it is. How's ''Winter Games?'' You ever play ''Winter Games?'' Yeah, you push buttons. That's it. Go like this! You're playing ''Winter Games!'' ''[footage of [[The Wizard]] is shown]'' You ever watch a movie where someone's pretending to play a video game, but you tell they're just acting; they're just going like this? They're playing ''Winter Games.'' Yeah. Who programmed this thing? Maybe it was Fred Fucks.

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:'''The Nerd''': '''''THIS IS A BLIZZARD OF BALLS!!! I can't believe humanity was capable of degrading itself so low as to produce such insulting catastrophe of ass!!''''' ''[reads caution label on the back of the cartridge (said caution label is only on some unlicensed NES games)]'' &quot;Do not store in extreme temperatures. Do not immerse in water. Do not clean with benzene, thinner, alcohol, or other such solvents. Do not hit or drop cartridge. Do not attempt to disassemble.&quot; ''[proceeds to do to the cartridge each of the things the caution label advises against]'' Like that? ''[places the remains of the cartridge into the crackling fireplace, where it catches fire and starts to melt]'' '''''BURN, MOTHERFUCKER, BURRRN!!! YEAAAAH!'''''

=== [[w:Street Fighter 2010|Street Fighter 2010]] ===

:'''AVGN''': Wanna play some games? Wanna play some shitty games? ...Well hang on just a second, I gotta go get my mail. ''(The Nerd steps out of his house to find it and the rest of the scenery in the scene is swarming with graphics from ''Street Fighter 2010''.)'' What the hell is all this shit!? There's metallic sea sponges everywhere! There's titanium rocket jockstraps! Headless parrots with bottle caps! Floating eyeballs entrapped in glass lids! How is this all happening? OH, ah-of course! It's the year 2010! Holy shit! This was all foreseen in the game ''Street Fighter 2010''!

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:'''AVGN''': Remember how futuristic the year 2000 seemed? My whole childhood, it seemed like every movie, every video game - it was always &quot;2000&quot;. It sounded so high-tech and so far away. But now, fuck that! It's the ten-year anniversary of the year 2000. ''(referring to ''[[w:Back to the Future Part II|Back to the Future Part II]]'s'' depiction of the year 2015)'' In five years, we're gonna have flying cars and hoverboards and self-lacing shoes... It better happen. Otherwise they should have made it the year 3000. Even if they made it 2100, we'd all be dead; it wouldn't make a difference anyway! Better to be a mystery than to be wrong!

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:'''AVGN''': Who would've thought that Street Fighter's past lied in the future, which is now the present? Let's take a look at this. I can only imagine, we're gonna be Tiger Uppercutting through space and time, we're gonna be throwing Sonic Booms on the moon, Hadoukens up Uranus! Fuck ''[[w:Street Fighter IV|Street Fighter IV]]'', this is ''Street Fighter 2010!''

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:'''AVGN''': What the hell is this poop-plastered, shit-smothered piece of fuck? And what does it have to do with ''Street Fighter''?

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:'''AVGN''': ''(commenting on the cover illustration of ''[[w:Fighting Street|Fighting Street]]'', showing [[w:Ryu_(Street_Fighter)|Ryu]] in front of [[w:Mt. Rushmore|Mt. Rushmore]])'' To be even more elusive, they changed the fucking title to ''Fighting Street''! That doesn't make any sense! But at least you get to play as classic characters such as Ryu, [[w:George Washington|George Washington]], and [[w:Abraham Lincoln|Abe Lincoln]].

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:'''AVGN''': The final boss looks like a big, blistering ball sack that swallowed Grimace. His only weak spot is the face. The ideal strategy is to climb on the wall and keep shooting, but your beam doesn't reach. Not without full powerups. You can try jumping off and shooting, but that takes too long. You don't have time. When you're plowing through the stage, you gotta stop and get all the powerups. But that wastes time too! But you gotta do it! You gotta somehow make it all happen! You can't beat one boss flawlessly but then fuck up a little on the next one. You gotta: 1) Beat all the bosses without getting hurt too much, 2) Get all the power-ups, and 3) Do it fast as shit. All in one perfect run. But once you do it, man, you're on the fucking top of the world. Yeah, boom, BOOM! [Imitates explosions as he beats the game] And that, my friends, is Street Fighter 2010. That's all I have to say. So happy new year, happy new decade... am I forgetting anything? ... Yeah. Forgot my fucking mail. [He walks then the screen zooms that says &quot;THE END.&quot;]

=== [[w:Hydlide|Hydlide]] ===

:'''AVGN''': Ugh, ''Hydlide''! Just saying the name gives you a gag reflex like you're about to puke! ''HYDLIDE''! Sounds so wretched and foul!

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:'''AVGN''': Picking up a game like this, in itself, is like embarking on an adventure. You can stick to the familiar NES classics, or you can be a brave explorer and search the unknown. You might uncover a gem, or a turd covered in vomit. And this is a turd covered in vomit.

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:'''AVGN''': There's no skill involved. You'll never know whether or not you're hitting the monster or the monster's hitting you. It's just as random as rolling the dice or [[w:American Movie|playing the lottery; sometimes you win, and sometimes you lose. But I guess it's better than using drugs or alcohol because with drugs and alcohol, especially drugs, you always lose.]]

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:'''AVGN''': Anyway, I got the Lantern. Now I'm going back to that dark cave to figure out what the fuck was killing me...I don't see anything! So that only concludes there was nothing. That's a cheat if I ever saw one. The game kills you with NOTHING!!

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:'''AVGN''': That's what you get for reaching into the dark depths of the NES library. You might as well be reaching into a dog's asshole, 'cause all you're going to find is shit.

=== [[w:Ninja Gaiden (Nintendo Entertainment System)|Ninja Gaiden]] ===
:'''The Nerd''': I'd say this is the hardest trilogy on the NES. Even harder than ''Castlevania''. I'm gonna focus on the first ''Ninja Gaiden''. It's been over 20 years, and I still can't beat this son of a bitch.

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:'''The Nerd''': This is impossible! How am I supposed to beat this?!

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:'''Ninja:''' You are as slow as sloth taking shit! 

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:'''The Nerd''': Nunchaku-fuck!

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:'''The Nerd''': You know, the whole fucking trilogy's impossible. The first game sends you back, the second has the stage hazards, and the third one has game overs. So, it's like pick your poison! Well, I got my poison right here.

=== [[w:Swordquest|Swordquest]] ===
:'''The Nerd:''' ''(commenting on Atari's promotion of the &quot;SwordQuest&quot; series via $150,000 worth of ornately crafted and decorated fantasy items, which players back in the day could win by playing the games, finding and deciphering in-game clues, and sending them to Atari)'' Not since the medieval times have I heard of a treasure quest of this magnitude! It gets you really excited to play the games, so that's what I call a promotion: You'd be wearing your ''SwordQuest'' T-shirt, with your comic books and posters, drinking out of your gold chalice with your crown, philosopher's stone, and sword, and not to mention your ''SwordQuest'' video gaming cartridges exclusive from Atari.

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:'''The Nerd:''' ''(playing the &quot;Earthworld&quot; installment)'' Every time you go to the next room, it sounds like an explosion. That's what's so great about Atari: Something as simple as going through a door is an event.

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:'''The Nerd:''' Now, what can that mean? Hmm... 16-4... The comic book. ''(Picks up the book and opens up the page)'' Page 16, Panel 4. I don't see anything... What-- ''[Reveals a hidden word]'' Wow. ''(He writes down the word and continues playing and finding more clues)'' There's 10 hidden words, and they're supposed to make a sentence. But five of them are bogus. The only way to figure out which are the right words is to find a subliminal hint on the first page. The words prime and number are a different color than the rest, so this means you only use the clues that are prime numbers. Lemme tell you, in 1982, people had a lot of time on their hands and a lot of creativity to figure this out. Out of 5,000 entries, only 8 gamers got the right sentence. The winner was 20-year old Steven Bell. Good work, man!

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:'''The Nerd:''' ''(playing the &quot;Fireworld&quot; installment)'' What are we doing here, hitting birds with a pole? Throwing knives? Now you're actually steering the knives into a, uh, turkey club sandwich. This part, you're like a black eagle shooting bullets at snakes! All with glorious Atari sound effects.

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:'''The Nerd:''' ''(referring to general suspicions that the remaining three un-awarded treasures of the &quot;SwordQuest&quot; contest, including the planned grand prize, a gold-and-jewel-encrusted sword, is in possession of [[w:Jack Tramiel|Jack Tramiel]], who had bought Atari after [[w:North American video game crash of 1983|the infamous video game crash of 1983]])'' Somebody's gotta find out. The '''real''' ''SwordQuest'' is the quest for that sword and the other treasures. They belong in the hands of gamers who earn them. You know, everybody who put those games in their Ataris had a chance of winning. It was something to dream about. But that dream's been thrown about the toilet. It's 30 years later, but I say the contest must go on. Finish the last game! You can't have earth, fire, and water without air! The balance of the cosmos must be restored, the true bearer of that sword ''must'' be found! The Kingdom of Nerddom depends on it!

=== [[w:Pong|Pong Consoles]] ===

:'''AVGN''': Pong. A simple word. A simple idea. It's just Pong. It was one of the first video arcades, from 1972. A simple screen mounted inside what looked like a carved tree stump. You could call this the &quot;Wooden Age&quot; of video games, when everything was made of wood, and two people playing tennis looked like two glow sticks batting a square ball back and forth. Yeah, this is before circles were invented.

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:'''AVGN''': I thought it was fun. Apparently, people thought so too back then. So that's why they made a home pong console so you can play it at home, and then, there was another one... and another one... and another one! AND ANOTHER ONE! AND ANOTHER ONE! ''AND ANOTHER ONE!'' There was like nine million fucking pong consoles!

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:'''AVGN''': This might be a good time to bring up that most of these old consoles have a connector that looks like [[wikipedia:RCA_connector|this]]. You have to plug them into a box, and screw the box into your TV. But I say get yourself one of these [an adapter], plug it into the coaxial unit on your TV, plug the game in, and tell that box to go fuck itself.

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:'''AVGN''': The Sears Super Pong Telegame. Simple enough, two little knobs for controllers, works alright, basic Pong, you got four different kinds of Pong, like... what the hell is this? &quot;Reverse Pong&quot;? Okay, now what's this, &quot;Asshole Pong&quot;? That's not fair.

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:'''AVGN''': Well, that's Pong for ya. All these different consoles goes to show how such a simple game could become such a hot-selling franchise. I could see people thinking 30 years ago &quot;Wow. Pong. This is where it's at! It ain't gonna get any better than this!&quot; Now what's this here, this &quot;Xbox 360?&quot; Some modern game system? I don't know, maybe it has advanced graphics? Might even be in color. Let's check it out. ''[starts playing &quot;[[w:Grand Theft Auto IV|Grand Theft Auto IV]]&quot; as a rock remix of the Angry Video Game Nerd theme plays. Cut to the Nerd with an absolutely amazed expression on his face]''

== Season Five ==

=== [[w:Action 52|Action 52]] ===
:'''The Nerd''': Are you ready for some action? Some ''Action 52?'' I suppose so, because I get requests for this game all the time. Like this one right here: ''[reading a fan email]'' &quot;''Action 52.'' Fuck this game, please do a review on it. You asshole. Thanks.&quot; Wow. I guess I gotta do it now.

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:'''The Nerd''': Number 5, &quot;Ooze.&quot; Oh, wow, a title screen? Really? ''[starts the game, then sees several green pickle-shaped objects in the background]'' Oh my god, it's...it's... ''[the objects each turn into a Shit Pickle]''
:'''Shit Pickles''': Shitpickleshitpickleshitpickleshit...
:'''The Nerd''': Whoa! Ohh-
:'''Shit Pickles''': Pickle! Shi-i-i-i-i-
:'''The Nerd''': Narlalalala!
:'''Shit Pickles''': Shit pickle!
:'''The Nerd''': Alrighty, then. Well, this is the first game that uses the &quot;B&quot; button. For ''jumping''! Any gamer who grew up with ''Super Mario Bros.'' expects &quot;A&quot; to jump.

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:'''The Nerd''': ''(playing the 7th game, Crytical Bypass)'' &quot;Crytical Bypass&quot;. It's critical that you bypass this game!

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:'''The Nerd''': ''(playing the 20th game, Space Dreams, then learning that safety pins are the enemy)'' Oh, my, what's this gonna be? Why of course! Another space shooter! This time, you're a pacifier shooting at weird dolls, rabbits, and safety pins. ''Safety pins'' as enemies in a video game...Where'd they come up with this stuff?! ''[playing one of the game programmers]'' Gee, what kind of enemy could I have for this game? I have 32 games left I have to program, so I have to hurry up. ''[he picks up a safety pin where it lays on a table]'' Ahhh, safety pin! That'll be perfect! ''[he puts the safety pin down and types in his computer]'' Next game.

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:'''The Nerd''': ''[playing the 22nd game, Spread Fire]'' These kind of games must have been the easiest to design. Take a black background, cover it in dots, and call it space. You know what? It's getting old.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': ''[after playing 25 of the games]'' ...Wow. Twenty-five shitty games, and still going. This is an endurance, man. I've never played such a huge compilation of crap in my life. Was the whole idea to make ''so many shitty games'' that there'd be no more shitty games left to make!? Out of all of these, there's gotta be at least one that's...''tolerable''!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': ''[playing the 29th game]'' Uh, &quot;Slashers&quot;? I thought it'd be like a horror game. Instead it's a poor man's version of ''Double Dragon''. Saying ''that'' is being extremely generous.
:'''The Nerd''': And what are these, hookers?! I guess this guy doesn't understand the concept of a hooker. You're supposed to fuck her, not fuck her up!

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:'''The Nerd''': ''[playing the 31st game, Fuzz Power]'' Whoever came up with this is an ''asshole!'' ''[cuts to a fictionalized version of the episode that would be shown on public TV with profanity bleeped out]'' Whoever came up with this is an ''assh***!'' Ass! ''[pause]'' Hole? Assh***! ''[sarcastically]'' Television makes a lot of &quot;sense&quot;.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': ''[after playing 35 of the 52 games]'' I've lost all hope. 52 games, they all probably suck. I can think of some pretty bad games. Like ''Little Red Hood.'' That's a ''horrible'' game. But at least it's ''one'' horrible game! Not ''52!'' You know what's more fun than ''Action 52?'' 52 Card Pickup. You know how you play that? ''[drops a deck of 52 playing cards on the floor]'' Pick up the cards!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': Number 36, &quot;Storm over the Desert.&quot; Ooh, another title screen! So, you're an army tank, shooting at other army tanks... which happen to be pink. Also, there's no way to die. Anything you touch will explode. Those pink tanks are fuckin' pussies. ''[a giant [[w:Saddam Hussein|Saddam Hussein]] runs across the screen]'' What the hell?! A giant Saddam Hussein? How'd they fuck up the scale this bad? The soldiers aren't giant, so why's Saddam?

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:'''The Nerd''': ''[playing the 48th game, Time Warp Tickers]'' You're a pair of fingers in checkerboard-land with upside-down doors. What kind of drugs were they on? Was this game even made by a human being? ''&quot;Time?&quot;''? When you kill things, it says ''&quot;Time?&quot;''? What does that mean? Time to play another fuckin' game?

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:'''The Nerd''': ''[after playing 51 of the 52 games]'' '''''I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY SOLD THIS SHITFEST FOR $199!''''' That's about how much it costs for a video game ''console'', pretty much. You can take $199, stand on a bridge and just throw it all away! You'd rather do ''anything'' than spend it on a broken-down dysfunctional disaster of video game programming! With games that crash, hideous jumping control, random characters, microscopic sprites, a marathon of mediocre space shooters, dying in midair, problems with proportion, misleading titles, misleading power-ups, embarrassing weapons, seizure-inducing backgrounds, lack of enemies, games you can't win, games you can't lose, games that make no sense whatsoever, shitty graphics, shitty music, shitty menus, and a fuck-ton of other things! It should've been ''illegal'' for them to sell this rotten shitload of putrid fuck for any price! I feel humiliated to live on the same planet as someone who designed an electronic abomination of this magnitude! Couldn't they have tried making one ''good'' game, as opposed to 52 ''horrible'' games? Quality over quantity. That's our lesson here. ''[drinks Rolling Rock]'' Well, there's only one game left so it has one last chance to redeem itself. Could this all be the effort went into? Could there be a cherry on top of the shit sundae? We can only hope. ''[begins playing the 52nd game as the credits roll]''

=== [[w:Action 52|Cheetahmen]] ===

:'''AVGN''': They must have put all their focus into this one game, so this one's gotta be good...right? ''(shot of the gameplay from ''Cheetahmen''; the player sprite touches the edge of a pool of water with the top of his head, and instantly dies)'' IT SUCKS - MONKEY - BUTTS - LIKE ALL - THE FUCKIN' - REST!!! ''(drinks Rolling Rock)'' Okay. Let's go.

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:'''AVGN''': ''(playing ''Cheetahmen'' on the Action 52 cartridge, jumping over the giant [[w:Saddam Hussein|Saddam Hussein]] from Storm Over the Desert)'' Dude, think about it: A giant cheetah jumping over Saddam Hussein, whoa! I never thought I'd see that.

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:'''AVGN''': ''(discussing Cheetahmen II)'' I suppose this is the end of Action 52, but! They made... a Cheetahmen... sequel. Oh, yeah! You know how with a bad game, sometimes you wonder how it even made it into stores? Well, this is a case in which the horror was so unspeakable, the game was never released. ''(shows stills from the ending of Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark and plays ominous music from the film)'' The cartridges were stored in a warehouse where they remained for years to come. It was never meant to be played. Then, in the late 90's, the cartridges were discovered, and became valuable collector's items. ''(stops playing music and showing stills)'' That's a true story. Except that the real story was probably a little less dramatic than that. Only 1500 of these games are known to exist and they command ''outrageous'' prices on eBay. I don't know if I should consider myself lucky or...not, but...here it is. (the Nerd reveals the game cartridge in his hand) The unholy grail of gaming. Would you believe that this game is so bad it doesn't even get its own cartridge? They recycled the same plastic casing from Action 52, and put a Cheetahmen II sticker on the back. ''(The cartridge's sticker actually reads &quot;Cheetamen&quot; instead of &quot;Cheetahmen II&quot;.)'' 

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:'''AVGN''': ''(after defeating the boss in ''Cheetahmen II'', but the game fails to start the next level)'' Well, I beat the game. At least I got as far as I can possibly go before it fucks out! Well, this is where I'd end things... ''(drinks Rolling Rock)'' ...but, there's yet another ''Cheetahmen'' game. ''(produces a copy of the Sega Genesis port of ''Action 52'')'' Yeah. ''Action 52'' on the Genesis. They just couldn't leave it alone, could they?

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:'''AVGN''': ''(talking about SKATER from the Genesis ''Action 52'')'' You're some kid on roller skates jumping fifty feet in the air, of course. And most of the obstacles are dead cats! At least, I'm pretty sure they're dead. Why else would a cat be laying in the road? Tell me. If you're programming a video game and you have a choice of all the things that could be on the road like mufflers, puddles of oil, traffic cones, hubcaps, fallen trash cans, open manholes, of all the things you can put there, why does your imagination go straight to ''dead cats!?''

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:'''AVGN''': ''(after playing ''Cheetahmen'' from the Genesis ''Action 52'')'' I don't believe it. I just can't believe it that - this is even ''less'' playable than the NES version! You think by now, they'd come back down to Earth and un-''fuck'' themselves! But you know what the really good news is? I'm done with ''Action 52''! ''(puts on a party hat and blows on a party horn while fireworks go off)''

=== Game Glitches ===

:'''AVGN''': Don't you just hate it when that happens? You'll be playin' a game, and then all of a sudden, it starts glitching up! ''(inserts Metal Gear into his Nintoaster)'' Oh, come on. Metal Gear's fuckin' up now? You blow the game, jiggle it around, use different consoles, but it still doesn't work. You know, when this happens, that means that there's something inside your game. Something that wants to reduce the graphics into a pixelated mishmash of garbage. You're dealing with...a Game Graphic Glitch Gremlin.
:'''Glitch Gremlin:''' ''[Laughs mischievously]'' Good day to you, Nerd, how are you? Good day, sir! As you know, I am the Glitch Gremlin! And, I've got glitches in me britches for ya, Nerd! I've got ''(speaks gibberish)''.
:'''AVGN''': I'm gonna lay the fuck smack on you! You think I can't still play?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[ [[w:Mike Tyson|Mike Tyson]]'s portrait from ''[[w:Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!!|Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!!]]'' is displayed, but the entire graphical display glitches up, eliciting a shocked reaction from the Nerd]''
:'''Glitch Gremlin:''' And here we have ''Punch-Out!!'' with &quot;Iron Mike&quot; Tyson. I just ironed out his face! How do you like that? We'll call him Shit-Fuck-Face Mike Tyson!
:'''AVGN''': You little fuck-nugget, get out of my game!

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:'''AVGN''': ''[After describing his victory over the boss Big Pets in [[w:Mega Man 5|Mega Man 5]] while having been hindered by a glitch]'' And ''that'' was a great moment in Nerd history.
:'''Glitch Gremlin:''' That's not possible! I've never seen anything like it!
:'''AVGN''': I should get a gold medal.

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:''(The Nerd plays [[w:Rocky (2002 video game)|the 2002 ''Rocky'' game on PlayStation 2]], but the audience is severely glitching around, and the two boxers supposed to be in the ring are nowhere to be seen.)''
:'''Glitch Gremlin:''' Well, you sure packed quite a crowd tonight, Nerd! You sure did, standing room only...a full house of glitches! Ding ding ding! In this corner, we have weighing in at zero pounds and zero ounces, nothing! In this corner, we've got much of the same! Nothing!
:'''AVGN''': No...
:'''Glitch Gremlin:''' ''(As the in-game announcer repeats &quot;Next up is a fight...&quot;)''Do you hear that? What's that sound? Huh? Hm? Sounds of glitch. Your glitch. Enjoy it. ''(The Nerd resets his PS2, and'' ''the in-game combatants show up this time.)'' Nope. No use resetting. Not gonna do a thing.
:'''AVGN:''' Eh, fuck you. It's working now. ''(Spider Rico suddenly sinks into the floor.)'' What was ''that''!?
:'''Glitch Gremlin:''' I pulled him through the floor! That's a good one! Good one, Glitch Gremlin! ''(The Nerd looks on in shock as the fighters continuously sink to the floor. The Glitch Gremlin dances.)'' Oh yeah! I'm glitching! Get down, you bad self! Get down! Get down! Get down! Wooo!
:'''AVGN''': Wow, I've ''never'' seen a game this fucked up. ''(He takes out the ''Rocky'' disc to clean it.)''
:'''Glitch Gremlin:''' ''(his reflection appears in the disc)'' Not gonna work, not gonna work. What time is it? Not-gonna-work o'clock. ''(The Nerd plays the game again, but now the in-game boxers have warped facial features.)'' In this corner, we have Bug-Eyed Balboa!
:'''AVGN''': What happened to his ''mouth''!?
:'''Glitch Gremlin:''' His eyes are popping out! And in that corner, we've got Spider Rico, with no jaw! ''(He sinks into the floor, again.)''
:'''AVGN''': They're like zombies! What is this, &quot;Rocky: The Undead Edition&quot;? You are really one sick fuck, you know that? I'm gonna try Clubber Lang.
:'''Glitch Gremlin:''' Oh, Clubber Lang, that could be a good one. Let's see what else I've got up my sleeves - oh, I'm not wearing any, but for my final show-stopper, FEAST YER EYES ON THIS! ''(The in-game model of Clubber Lang appears horrifically deformed and mis-assembled, heavily resembling a straight log of solid fecal matter. His left leg flashes between being visible and invisible, while his right leg does not appear at all. A baffled Nerd drops his controller while the Gremlin laughs gleefully.)''
:'''AVGN''': It's a Clubber-fuck!

=== [[w:Zelda II: The Adventure of Link|Zelda II]] ===
:'''AVGN''': ''(commenting on the odd names for enemies in the original [[w:The Legend of Zelda|''The Legend of Zelda'']])'' What do you call that? A rabbit's head? ''(buzzer sound)'' Wrong. A &quot;Pols Voice&quot;. What's that, a mummy? ''(buzzer sound)'' &quot;Gibdo&quot;. What's that, a ghost? ''(buzzer sound)'' &quot;Ghini&quot;. What's that? Well, it's kinda like...like... ''(triple-ding sound)'' What?! It's called a &quot;Like Like&quot;?! Yeah, I'm not makin' this up, this is all comin' straight from the manual. What do you call that? A snake? ''(buzzer sound)'' Wrong, it's called &quot;Rope&quot;. Yeah, really! If you can't tell the difference between a snake and a rope, you're in trouble. What's that, a bat? ''(buzzer sound)'' No, it's &quot;Keese&quot;. What do you call the keys then, &quot;Bats&quot;? What's that, a knight? ''(buzzer sound)'' A &quot;Darknut&quot;. Well then, what's that? Uh, a, uh, Geiger counselman? ''(buzzer sound)'' Oh, a &quot;Rock&quot;. What's that, a spider? ''(buzzer sound)'' A &quot;Tektite&quot;. Now what the ''fuck'' is a Tektite!? Is that even a real word? I'll look it up...yeah, it is. ''(reads off a dictionary)'' &quot;Tektite. Any of several kinds of small glassy bodies, in various forms, occurring in Australia and elsewhere, now believed to have been produced by the impact of meteorites on the earth's surface.&quot; Yeah. Or, a ''spider''. Well, fuck. Let's move onto ''Zelda II''.

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:'''AVGN''': In each town, there's a woman that restores your health. She invites Link inside, and you never see what's happening in there. Is she giving him a potion? Is she performing a magic spell? No. We all know what's ''really'' happening. Link is like, you know, getting a little of the [[w:A Clockwork Orange (film)|ol' in-out in-out]]. I mean, this isn't little boy Link anymore, he's grown up now. He learns all these special moves like the down-thrust and the up-thrust, and there, he learns the cunt-thrust. Yeah, that should be the name of a band. But really, Link deserves to get some because of all this hell he goes through. He's not gonna get any from Zelda... Well, then again, she's in a sleeping spell. What was Link doing there in the first place? Oh, no, Link's a poon hound.

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:'''AVGN''': ''(repeatedly failing to defeat the final boss, Dark Link)'' Well, it's impossible. I have better luck trying to fight my own shadow! ''(imitates trying to punch his own shadow on the wall and hurting his hand against the wall)'' You motherfucker! C'mon! God damn! ''(cuts back to the Nerd on his couch)'' You can't beat your own shadow, and that's what this game is. It's your dark alter ego that knows more about you than you know about yourself. I don't know how you could win, unless you're ''really'' hardcore. Some gamers are so hardcore with the first game, they've actually made it to Ganon ''without the sword.'' That's insane! But, people like a good challenge. You want a good challenge? Try beating ''Zelda II'' with the Power Glove, yeah. That's a laugh. In conclusion, it's still a great game. But many consider it the black sheep of the Zelda franchise. And understandably, it's very different from the first game but obviously Nintendo didn't want to just rehash the same game over again so they tried something new. Some people were confused and admittedly it had some mixed results. But it had a legacy of its own. It was the first Zelda game that had towns to visit and to have a magic meter and many games copied its style such as Battle of the Olympus and even Rambo. Bottom line, it's a good game, but a very frustrating one. I'll never beat it as long as I live. Nope. ''(turns off TV, walks away, but then runs back to the TV to turn it back on. The ending message appears on the TV saying &quot;You saved Hyrule and you are a real hero!&quot; Then, he looks at the Power Glove in shock and disbelief. Then the curtain lowers and then Zelda and Link supposedly kiss with the curtain covering it up and the words &quot;The End&quot; appear.)''

=== Back To The Future Trilogy ===
:'''The Nerd''': It's time to go back... to the past... again. Remember when I was the Angry Nintendo Nerd, reliving the frustrating games from my youth?
:'''The Nerd from his ''&quot;Top Gun&quot;'' Review''': '''''ASS!!!!! FUUUUCK!!!!!!!!!!'''''
:'''The Nerd''': Well, not much as changed. But I was never really satisfied with my older videos.
:'''The Nerd''': ''[voiceover]'' I've always wanted to go back and complete them the way I originally intended. The ''McKids'' video, for example. I felt like there should have been a dancing scene with Ronald McDonald, Grimace, and the Hamburglar. And Dracula. And Skeletor. I'd also like to go back to the original negatives, clean them up, make them look good as shit, and give them some new enhancements.
:''[in the &quot;Top Gun&quot; review, the Nerd fires a Sonic Boom at the TV, destroying it. After that, the same thing happens, but Praxis effect rings come from the explosion.]''
:'''The Nerd''': ''[voiceover]'' In the ''Friday the 13th'' video, I shot Jason Voorhees in the head.
:'''The Nerd from his ''&quot;Friday the 13th&quot;'' Review:''' You're easier to beat in real life than you are in that '''''fuckin' game, you no-good piece of--!''''' ''['''BANG!!!''' The Nerd shoots Jason in the head in the original review]''
:'''The Nerd''': ''[voiceover]'' That made me look like a cold-blooded killer. I always felt Jason should have shot first. ''[same thing, but Jason fires a laser gun at the Nerd, but he dodges and shoots Jason in the head]''
:'''The Nerd''': I'm just kidding. I have no intentions of changing my older videos like that. But with all seriousness, some of the games I've done, I could have covered them a little better.

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:'''The Nerd''': ''[replaying'' Top Gun] I'm gonna land this thing. Oh, yeah. I'm finally gonna land the plane. This time, I'm gonna land it for real. Oh, I got it. I got it. I got the speed right, but the altitude's off! ''[watches the numbers]'' Oh, I'm going too fast! ''[watches the screen]'' ''[the plane somehow flies out of the TV with the Nerd looking surprised and breaks through a window]'' Hey, if, uh...anybody sees that plane, can you let me know?

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:'''The Nerd''': ''[voiceover]'' And what about Judge Doom? He's one of the most difficult bosses in video game history, and I barely said a damn thing about him. Anytime Doom hits you, he takes a great deal of damage, but when ''you'' hit ''him,'' it doesn't do much. With such a huge assortment of weapons, you'd think that there'd be one that inflicts more damage on him, but nope, he has no weakness. All you can do is punch, punch, punch. It may seem easier than it looks, but Doom has no clear pattern. You gotta get lucky and just get him in the right rhythm so you can keep hitting him.
:'''The Nerd''': ''[voiceover]'' Once you knock him down, you think it's all over, but no. You gotta pick up the Dip Cannon. But before you can use it, you have to select it. Like, no shit. Why ''wouldn't'' I want it selected? The worst part is that now Judge Doom kills you with one hit. It doesn't matter how full your health is. Anyone's natural reaction is to tap the button, but that won't get you far. You have to know to ''hold down'' the button, and only ''that way'' can you beat him.
:''[Judge Doom is defeated, and the end screen with the text saying, &quot;Toontown is saved and remains in the hands of its rightful owners, the Toons. The End.&quot;]''

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:'''The Nerd''': ''[voiceover]'' I already mentioned how the game has nothing to do with the movie. You're collecting clocks, throwing bowling balls, and dodging bees, and other bizarre things. One thing I didn't elaborate on before is how Marty has some serious problem with his legs where he can't stop walking. You'd think this is a Goddamn flying game because you can't stop. Imagine all the problems Marty must go through on a daily basis, being cursed to walk for all eternity! Imagine trying to order at a fast food restaurant, or any restaurant. Imagine going to work or trying to use a bathroom or fly on a plane. He can only stand still when he's behind a counter at a Café throwing milkshakes. Anybody who's played this Café stage knows how unforgiving it is, and I've talked about it already. ''[a Café customer stops to talk to Marty, then he throws him against the wall.]''
:'''The Nerd''': But wouldn't you like to know what the rest of the game is like? Do we ever see Doc Brown, or does the DeLorean ever make an appearance? Or any of the other things from the movie? Let's find out.
:'''The Nerd''': ''[voiceover]'' The rest of the street stages are all the same, except they change the color. &quot;No effort. Time is money, don't design another stage. Just change the color, and kids will think it's different.&quot; Do they think we're idiots?
:'''The Nerd''': Then we come to an empty classroom where Lorraine, I guess, is shooting hearts at Marty. What, is he the teacher all of a sudden? And what's he catching hearts for? I suppose it's like in the movie where Lorraine has a crush on Marty, but that's his mom so he's trying not to let that happen. Why isn't he avoiding the hearts then? Oh, I see, I guess he's catching them in a book or something. It's the most literal interpretation of a movie. &quot;It's about time, so let's have clocks! It's about romance, let's have hearts!&quot; Was this game designed by a human being? Or did they just feed the movie into a computer to process and then shit out this nonsensical fuck-poop?
:'''The Nerd''': Once again, like the Café stage, you have to score at least 50 points. Then it's on to more walking stages, and after that, it's the Enchantment Under The Sea dance where Marty plays guitar. What do you do? You have to catch musical notes. What more did you expect? I'll tell you one thing, it's certainly no ''Guitar Hero'' or ''Rock Band.'' Why does Marty play the guitar like a stand-up bass the whole time? Why is he wearing a boiler suit? I guess the same reason he's wearing a black muscle shirt. Where's the red jacket or the suit? Couldn't they have gotten Marty to look ''anything'' like he did in the films? And what about the music? Wouldn't this have been an opportune time to hear ''Earth Angel'' or ''Johnny B. Goode?'' ''[notices music from the game]'' Okay, wait a minute. It ''is'' Johnny B. Goode on crack. ''[4 seconds later]'' If [[w:Capcom|they]] can make the ''DuckTales'' theme sound awesome in 8-bit, why not this? At least you get some different music for once.
:'''The Nerd''': Next, more walking. And finally, the DeLorean. Yes, the DeLorean makes an appearance, after all. This is supposed to be the scene where Marty is trying to get back to the future. The streets of Hill Valley are getting slammed with repeated lightning strikes! All you have to do here is dodge the lightning. That's all. Why are you dodging lightning anyway? Isn't Marty trying to get the lightning to hit the DeLorean to generate the 1.21 gigawatts and send him back to 1985? Isn't that the whole fucking idea of the movie? Anyway, that's ''Back to the Future'' NES. No special ending, nothing. ''[The music from the game continues playing]'' Fuck that music.

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:'''The Nerd''': Well, now that we've seen the whole game, we can conclude that it has... uh... ''some'' relation to the movie. But it doesn't have any of the familiar music cues. And don't tell me it was some kind of licensing issue, like they were able to license the movie, but not the music that belongs with that movie that we all recognize. No Back to the Future theme, no Power of Love, no Back in Time, no Johnny B. Goode! (SORT OF) Well, fuck this! ''[throws the game cartridge behind the futon and drinks some Rolling Rock, accompanied by Johnny B. Goode on crack]''

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:'''The Nerd''': ''[voiceover]'' When I first reviewed this game, I was being a shithead. I never explained how it's played. And that's where things get really interesting. You're supposed to collect 30 items, and bring them all back to their rightful places and times. You find the items behind locked doors. To unlock the doors, you need to find the keys which are found by killing random enemies. But the keys don't sit still. They fly off the screen the second they appear. Usually, you're not expecting the key, so you might not catch it. Once the key's gone, it doesn't return. Not unless you exit the level and come back. Even when you get a key, most of the doors don't let you in. ''[Marty cannot unlock a door]'' I don't know the reason for this, but when you do find the right door, you'll get an item. But you don't get it right away, you have to do some sort of mini-game. They're all different, but the goal is the same: To collect all the clocks. How original.

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:'''The Nerd''': ''[voiceover]'' Why did LJN have to make every NES movie adaptation? Couldn't they have given somebody else a try? No, they wanted to incorporate the entire spectrum of awfulness. ''[The LJN rainbow logo appears on the screen, and each color lights up as the Nerd mentions them]'' &quot;Purple for Putrid Gameplay&quot;, &quot;blue for Bad Musical Abominations&quot;, &quot;Green for Graphical Farts and Garlic&quot;, &quot;Yellow for Piss Poor Lack of Loyalty to Source Material&quot;, &quot;Orange for 'Aren't You a Fuckin' Idiot?'&quot;, and &quot;Red for High-Stress Anger-Inducing Masochism&quot;. Put that all together, you got all the colors of the Shit Rainbow. ''[sarcastically]'' Hooray, LJN.

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:'''The Nerd''': ''[voiceover, playing Back to the Future Part III on Genesis]'' Naturally, the graphics are a big step up, going over to a 16-bit console, and it represents the film far better than the Nintendo games. But there's one fatal flaw: the difficulty. You're Doc Brown on a horse trying to save Clara from going into the ravine. Unfortunately, the ground is littered with crates and other random obstacles, and the air is filled with birds, tomahawks, and all kinds of projectiles.
:'''The Nerd''': You get hit once, it knocks you off your horse, costing you precious time. If you fall only a few times, you have to start over. ''[Game Over screen with Clara falling into the ravine and her gravestone appears]'' Hazards come without any warning. The human brain cannot react as fast as this game demands! It's like a memory test; the only way to get by is to remember the whole level.
:'''The Nerd''': Uh, Jump! Uh, uh, jump again! Duck, uh... shoot, uh... what, ''[yells]'' '''''FUCK!''''' ''[Doc Brown gets knocked off horse]'' ''[exclaims]'' You fucking processing, stop being so blast!
:'''The Nerd''': ''[voiceover]'' It's really hard to distinguish which objects are hazards and which are just there for decoration, like this underwear. This is a perfect example of a game that starts out way too hard. It's only the first level and I can't beat it!
:'''The Nerd''': From what I understand, there's only four levels. For a Sega Genesis game, that's pathetic. I guess they were too lazy to design a longer game so they just made it more difficult so it'd take longer to beat, that's all!
:'''The Nerd''': ''[moans]'' Oh, and that fucking song, I am so sick of hearing it! Next time I hear Ghost Riders in the Sky, I'm gonna think about going 100 miles per hour on a horse jumping crates and getting shot at and shit!
:''[Doc gets knocked off horse repeatedly]''
:'''The Nerd''': ''[voiceover]'' Fuck-fuck-fuck-'''''UNGH'''''-'''''UNGH'''''-fuck-fuck-ungh-UNGH-UNGH-FUCK-fuck-''ungh''-fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck-'''''FUCK!!! FUCK!''''' ''[gets furious, throws a pillow at the TV, takes out the game, throws it to the floor and screams.]'' Daaamn!! ''[he yells while he strangles the controller and throws the pillow to the floor.]''

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:'''The Nerd''': ''[after playing Super Back to the Future Part II on SNES]'' A '''''good''''' ''Back to the Future'' game? Somebody made a good ''Back to the Future'' game...and it was only in Japan? ''[suddenly gets angry]'' '''''WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS FUCKIN' WORLD?!''''' We get '''''THESE''''' shitty games, but not '''''THAT''''' one? Like, what the Hell? Why would you do that? It's good! I mean, it's not great, but, it's the best goddamn ''Back to the Future'' game I've ever played. It's actually a game! Why bury the gem and dig up the turd? Innocent people have suffered through these fucking fuck heaps! People developed &quot;Fuck it!&quot;-itis from this shit! People have gone on to live horrible lives, kicking babies in the balls! If you would've went back in time and said to people, &quot;Hey, hey, there's a good ''Back to the Future'' game. Put this shit down and go to Japan!&quot;, they would've looked at you like you're telling them to go...teabag a goat on the surface of Mars. ''[sarcastically]'' Well, thank you for taking a fuckin' shit on us all.

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:'''The Nerd''': Well, hope you enjoyed my Nintendo Days Re-Revisited. Oh, and guess what? Yeah, I hate sentences that begin with that: &quot;Guess what?&quot; Because you know it's never a good thing. ''[sighs]'' But the fact is... I have one more game to revisit. I don't wanna say what it is, let alone even play it, but I'm thinking about it.

=== Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde Re-Revisited ===
:''[The episode begins with a black-and-white clip; the first few seconds from the original &quot;Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde&quot; review from 2004. The Nerd's voice can be heard over this.]''
:'''The Nerd:''' In May of 2004, I gave a warning about a game called Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I made it perfectly clear: '''''DO NOT PLAY''''' this game. But, from what I understand... people have played it. They didn't listen...but, it wasn't their fault. I only showed about one minute of footage from the game, and even though I talked about it at great length, it didn't do any good. ''[The Nerd drinks some Rolling Rock.]'' I called it a piece of shit. I called it an awful pile of steaming goat shit... ''[shakes his head in disgust]'' ...but, that was honoring it. I could have said ''anything,'' it wouldn't have mattered. I could have taken a '''''fuck''''' on it. But my own '''''fuck''''' would have been offended to lay on this ''loathsome piece of '''filth.''''' Just the thought of covering this thing in doo-doo is like encasing it in gold. I curse the day I ''ever'' laid eyes on it. I curse the plastic that holds this abomination. My words are ''insufficient'' in describing the '''''total insult''''' to humanity that this '''''&quot;game&quot;''''' has provided. Everything that '''''I've''''' ever said, and anything that '''''anybody else''''' has ever said, is '''''not''''' enough. It '''''must''''' be shown. ''[He drinks more Rolling Rock]''

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:'''The Nerd:''' Here's the deal. If you die as Jekyll, you turn into Hyde. Die as Hyde, the game's over. There's two ways to die as Hyde. Number 1: The traditional way: Getting hit too many times. Number 2: Getting '''''as far''''' as Jekyll. Yeah, you know whenever lightning strikes and you drop dead in your tracks for no apparent reason? Well, ''that's'' the reason. You got too far.

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:'''The Nerd:''' Ah, these bees! Go away! ''[Jekyll's cane attack kills a bee]'' What happened? I killed a bee? ''[Jekyll's cane attack kills another bee]'' '''''I KILLED SOMETHING!''''' The only thing you can kill in the whole game, and it's a ''little, tiny, stupid, '''FUCKIN' BEE!'''''

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:'''The Nerd''': When Robert Louis Stevenson wrote his story about a doctor who makes a potion that exposes his inner evil, he didn't realize that the potion would become a reality. Not in the form of chemistry, but through a late 20th century interactive electronic apparatus. Awful music, dreadful graphics, unspeakable gameplay, deceptive enemies, unavoidable hazards, useless weaponry, all mixed together and calculated just right. That is a ''horrible'' concoction!

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:''[Cut to a graveyard, the Nerd digs up a skeleton from Robert Louis Stevenson's grave. The Nerd chokes the skeleton, but the skeleton laughs in a monstrous voice, and begins to choke the Nerd in response. Intimidated, the Nerd throws the skeleton away.]''
:'''Skeleton''': ''[gives the Nerd the middle finger]'' Fuck you.
:''[The Nerd tries to hit the skeleton with the cane, but misses, and the skeleton chortles, completely unharmed]''
:'''Skeleton''': I am the devil! ''[laughs evilly]'' Now go play some Dr. Jekyll and Mr. '''''HYDE!!!!!'''''
:'''The Nerd''': No!
:'''Skeleton''': ''[bellows]'' '''''HYDE!!!!!!'''''
:'''The Nerd''': ''[softer]'' No...!

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:'''The Nerd:''' I think I get it. Why, it's the best game ever made. It's more than a game! It exposes the dual nature of the human spirit. The only way to win the game is to be Jekyll, but you wanna be Hyde so you can shoot shit! You see, it's a constant battle between good and evil, and Jekyll must stay farther along his path than Hyde. If Hyde gains the lead, then evil will triumph over good, and that's the true conflict of the human soul.
:'''The Nerd:''' And to deny the evil completely would only force it into the subconscious mind, like a city broken into different social classes: people don't wanna step outside their own boundaries, like Jekyll wandering into the wrong section of town, he's unwelcome. Nevertheless, he must abide by his own good nature.
:'''The Nerd:''' No wonder the cane doesn't work. The game does not reward you for acting upon your malevolent intentions. It's a proposed guideline for a set of morality rules to be programmed into real life. It uses the Victorian Era as a fundamental depiction of outward respectability and inward lust, it's a metaphor for social and geographical fragmentation. It alludes the Freud theory of repression in which unacceptable desires or impulses are excluded from the conscious mind and left to operate on their own in the ''un''conscious.
:'''The Nerd:''' Or, you could just say, '''''&quot;THE GAME FUCKIN' SUCKS.&quot;'''''

=== [[w:Lester the Unlikely|Lester the Unlikely]] ===
:'''AVGN''': (sighs) What's the point? It's all gonna be dust one day. [He decides to play Lester the Unlikely] ''[[w:Lester the Unlikely|Lester the Unlikely]].'' It's unlikely that this is gonna be a good game. (Inserts the game in and turns the Super Nintendo on as Lester yells like Tarzan.) Okay, title screen. Guy swinging on a vine. Like every other jungle adventure game. Then comes the story. You're Lester, a comic book geek who wanders onto a dock, and then... (Groans) OK, I have no faith in this character already if he's gonna go to sleep on a piece of cargo that's being loaded onto a ship. He becomes an involuntary stowaway, the ship's raided by pirates, and Lester swims to a nearby tropical island. That's where the game begins.

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:'''AVGN''': Half the time Lester does things against your own will. ''[Lester automatically runs away from a crab]'' I didn't do that! The game did! Have you ever had a game character disobey? ''[Lester runs away from a large turtle on the ground]'' Go near the damn turtle! Why does he keep running!? What's so threatening about a fucking turtle!? ''[Lester runs away from another turtle]'' Run, Lester, run! Get away from that turtle! That turtle might charge really fucking fast!

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:'''AVGN''': This is a penis-shaped piss stain on the face of gaming. I'd rather fuck the Wicked Witch of the West! I'd rather play a CD-i game! Yeah! Like ''The Flowers of Robert Mapplethorpe''. ''[plays it, but after a while of just looking at still images of flowers]'' ...No, I wouldn't.

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:'''AVGN''': Just let him die. Who wants to play as a weak, pathetic character like this? Wouldn't you rather be a tough guy? Isn't that the whole point of playing a game? To feel empowered? To be someone you're not? I mean, I get it - he's supposed to be a nerd. Well, this &quot;nerd&quot; makes me look like [[w:Charles Bronson|Charles Bronson]]! [[w:Steve Urkel|Steve Urkel]] could beat the fuck out of this guy! I think this whole thing was an experiment: To create the world's ''worst'' video game character.

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:'''AVGN''': No wonder why he didn't get his own sequels. I can imagine what Lester the Unlikely 2 would've been like. The game would start... and you couldn't even move! All that happens, Lester pulls down his pants, sucks his thumb, and takes a fuck. The third game, you couldn't even get past the title screen. All that happens, you push Start, and Lester falls down and farts. (he shrugs) The fourth game doesn't even work at all. You just put it in your Super Nintendo... (the Nerd puts the game into the SNES, turns it on, and the game explodes)... and it explodes. (disgusted) The fifth game isn't even a game at all: it's just a bag of shit that says Lester the Unlikely 5 on it. (the Nerd holds up the &quot;Lester the Unlikely&quot; 5 bag and fuck is dripping down to the floor. The Nerd holds his nose in revolt.) And there's a new one coming up on the PS4 using the latest state-of-the-art technology (the Nerd holds up the CD) of constructing the disc out of orangutan diarrhea. It just turned out that was the only way, and it really gives Blu-Ray a run for its money.

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:'''AVGN''': Fuck this game. (throws down the controller) And you know what? Fuck all games. I'm gonna watch some TV. ''(He turns on the TV and tries to change channels, but the TV is all static.)'' Man. TV nowadays sucks.

=== How The Nerd Stole Christmas ===
:'''AVGN''': ''[[w:Wall Street Kid|Wall Street Kid]]'' is a game about cash and stocks. Might as well fill my Christmas socks with trash and severed cat cocks!

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:'''AVGN''': ''[[w:Killing Time (video game)|Killing Time]]'' on [[w:3DO Interactive Multiplayer|3DO]] doesn't give you enough ammo! Your parents paying fifty bucks for a game where you shoot the fuck out of ducks really sucks! I'd rather eat deceased skunk yeast than play inferior arcade ports like ''[[w:Altered Beast|Altered Beast]]''. Altered Beast is a nut-kicking feast I can't stand in the least!

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:'''AVGN''': ''[[w:S.C.A.T.: Special Cybernetic Attack Team|S.C.A.T.]]'' stands for Special Cybernetic Attack Team, but &quot;the droppings of carnivorous mammals&quot; is what the word &quot;scat&quot; really means. It's as close as you can get to a Nintendo game called &quot;Shit&quot;.

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:'''AVGN''': We'll see how they like ''[[w:Circus Caper|Circus Caper]]'', it's as fun as inhaling Chewbacca's anal vapor!

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: '''AVGN''': ''[Playing [[w:Fist of the North Star (Nintendo Entertainment System)|''Fist of the North Star'']] on NES]'' Finding the right door is such a chore. C'mon, where do I go!? What a bore! Finally, when you do find the right door, how you go in? Wanna know the way? Not up, not down: By pressing Right, B, and A!!! How much were they drinking!? Why is it so stinking!? I'm staring unblinking, &quot;What were they thinking!?&quot;

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:'''Bear McCreary''': ''[singing to the tune of ''You're A Mean One, Mr. Grinch''].''
:''You're a mean one, Mr. Nerd.''
:''You really are a jerk!''
:''You're shameless as a shitmop,''
:''You got mischief in your smirk, Mr. Nerd.''
:''I wouldn't blame you when you're playing Atari Berzerk!''
:''You're a vile one, Mr. Nerd.''
:''You've got demons in your soul!''
:''You're wacky and you're wicked,''
:''Your crap is full of coal, Mr. Nerd.''

=== [[w:Day Dreamin' Davey|Day Dreamin' Davey]] ===
:'''AVGN''': Oh, no. Time to play a fucky game for the 98th fucking time. Day Dreamin' Davey. Should I even care who the hell Davey is? Oh no, it's HAL. Don't trust anything called HAL. Actually, the same company created Kirby, and developed Super Smash Bros. Maybe this won't be so bad then.
:'''Davey''': Awesome!
:'''AVGN''': Oh, no. I just jinxed the whole thing. Well, as you probably guessed from the title, this is all about a kid who daydreams. Starts out, Davey's in school, and a bully steals his pencil. ...So he's gotta get the pencil back? Man, that's some epic storyline right there. So, Davey falls asleep in class and dreams he's in the Middle Ages. It's like your typical Zelda-esque adventure, but instead of trying to save a princess and save the lives of everyone in the land from evil forces, it's all about getting... a pencil.

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:'''AVGN''': Why does he care so much about a fucking pencil? Was he planning to take it home after school and shove it up his fuck or something?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''AVGN''': Then you get a sword, but it's a dream, so when he wakes up it's a ruler he's holding. Why is he so excited about a ruler? Does he wanna measure his turds? Then the teacher says, &quot;What are you doing? You are going to see the principal for this.&quot; Um, for what? For measuring his turds in class?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''AVGN''': What's this? A hooker? She asks if I need some &quot;help&quot;? Really! There's a Nintendo game where a ''hooker'' tries to sell herself to a kid. ''Now'' this whole thing is worth it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': ''[after defeating the Medusa]'' Finally when you kill her, you grab her head off the ground. You know what would be really awesome? If Davey woke up here, and had the teacher's decapitated head in his hands. ''[appears an image of Davey happily holding the teacher's blood dripping head]'' Yeah.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''AVGN''': ''[after Davey got a trophy in his dream, and he wakes up in front of the principal with the trophy actually in his possession]'' So Davey wakes up and the Principal's like, &quot;Where'd you get that trophy?&quot; So, now Davey's actually bringing back objects from his dreams? Does this make any sense? You know what would be cool? If Freddy Krueger came out and clawed his fucking face off!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''AVGN''': Well, that's it! Basically, that's Day Dreamin' Davey. That's the whole game. Mediocre... That's what it is. So, until next time... Gotta dream... something... better...

=== [[w:Star Wars computer and video games|Star Wars]] ===
:'''The Nerd''': I have a bad feeling about this. We're gonna play a bunch of ''[[w:Star Wars computer and video games|Star Wars games]].''The movies were a prime target for video game adaptations. They were full of all kinds of action setpieces with battles taking place in space and on land, lightsaber duels, speederbike chases. They had lovable characters, great storylines, and a classic mythology that was bright for expanding upon in the world of gaming. So, how could they fuck that up? Let's find out. Our journey begins, innocently enough, with the Atari 2600. ''[plays Star Wars for the Atari 2600]'' This is the first Star Wars game, or at least the first Atari version based on the first movie. It follows the same format as the arcade version which came out before. It focuses on only one scene from the movie: the climactic rebel attack on the Death Star. It's unimpressive to say the least, but for the time, it was ambitious to try and create a 3D perspective. And besides, the Atari 2600 is well known for not being able to live up to the arcade standards of quality.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': ''[Playing the Japanese Famicom ''Star Wars'', the Nerd fights [[w:Darth Vader|Darth Vader]] inside the sandcrawler level, and is shocked when Vader transforms into a scorpion.]'' Did that happen in the movie? Did that happen in... any of the movies?! Did Darth Vader say to [[w:Luke Skywalker|Luke]], &quot;I am your father, and I am also, a ''fucking'' scorpion!&quot; No! It's not true! '''''THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!!! WHY DOES DARTH VADER TURN INTO A FUCKING SCORPION?!''''' That doesn't even happen in the Special Editions! There is ''no'' version of ''Star Wars,'' in this universe or timeline, or any other (I'm...sure of it.) where Darth Vader turns into...''[Takes his glasses off, cleans them, rubs his eyes, and puts them back on]''...a ''fucking'' scorpion.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': It also happens to be one of those &quot;Where the fuck do I go?&quot; kind of games. If you haven't played the game before, you can spend hours searching for the right place. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': OK, so I guess he's going into the Mos Eisley bar. That's the famous scene in the movie where Luke meets [[w:Han Solo|Han Solo]]. But one thing I didn't know was that they allow Landspeeders in the bar. What, does Luke just crash his way in? ''[a car-crashing sound effect and a Chewbacca roar are imposed on Luke riding the landspeeder straight into the bar]'' It's quite interesting, actually. In this version, Luke gets to the bar so fast, I bet Han and Greedo were still talking at, at the table, and you know, who shot first, Han or Greedo, whatever. But actually, neither one of them did! Luke kills Greedo with his Landspeeder. Right after Han says &quot;Over my dead body.&quot;, '''''BOOM!''''' All of a sudden, Luke comes through, crashing with the fucking Landspeeder!!! I wanna see ''that'' in the next Special Edition.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': The NES got [[w:Star Wars (1991 video game)|a different Star Wars game.]] ''[sees JVC logo]'' Hold on. No LJN? It's a movie based game, it's on Nintendo, and it wasn't made by LJN? Then it might have a chance.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': Man, the only way to beat an outrageously difficult game like this is to cheat! Like, I hear a lot of people use emulators or save-states. You know, that would be pretty handy, I guess, but you know what'd be better? How about just a button you press that makes the game beat? And that's why I invented the Beat-A-Game Button! Yeah! All you do, if you're playing a really hard game, you just push the button, and the game's beat! Let's try it out. ''[[w:Ninja Gaiden II: The Dark Sword of Chaos|Ninja Gaiden II]].'' Ooh, that's a hard game. Oh, man. Oh, shit. I'm getting my fuck kicked. ''[he gets an idea as he presses the Beat-A-Game Button then beats Ninja Gaiden II]'' ''[[w:The Legend of Zelda (video game)|Legend of Zelda]]!'' ''[presses the button and he beats said game]'' Beat it. ''[[w:Mega Man (video game)|Mega Man]]!'' ''[presses the button and he beats said game]'' Beat it. You'd never thought you could beat the game. Not without the Beat-A-Game Button! ''[stands up and walks to his NES library]'' All right, all you games. Consider your ass beat! ''[he holds the button in triumph while an 8-bit version of [[w:Music of Star Wars|The Imperial March]] plays as he wouldn't use the button to beat every single game]'' All right, back to ''Star Wars.''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': Of course we had to stop somewhere because there's a whole galaxy of ''Star Wars''-related games so this could've gone on and on. With ''Star Wars Rebel Assault, Dark Forces, Jedi Academy, Rogue Squadron, Battlefront, Star Wars Chess, Lego Star Wars, Star Wars Puzzle Blaster, Star Wars Pod Racer, [he then starts making them up as he goes along] Jar Jar Binks Bingo, Death Star Builder 3.0, Chewie Wookie Cookie Cooking, Stormtrooper Tennis, Jabba's Farts Unleashed,'' (That was a good one.) ''Wedge's Wedgie Attack, Fishing For Ackbars, Super Sith Shit-Toss Tournament Edition, Boba Fett's Name Game,'' (Find his name in the fuckin' movies.) ''Governor Tarkin vs. Count Dookie--'' ''[a cutout buffalo walks past and defecates through the Nerd's window, breaking it and startling the Nerd.]'' '''''OH, MY GOD!!! OH, MY GOD! WHAT THE--?! THAT FUCKING BUFFALO JUST TOOK A FUCKING FUCK THROUGH MY FUCKING WINDOW!!! OH, MY FUCKING GOD, THERE'S FUCK AND FUCKING GLASS ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE! WHERE IN THE FUCK DID THAT FUCKING COME FROM?! OH, MY GOD!! NOW I GOTTA FUCKING CLEAN ALL THIS FUCK UP! WHAT THE FUCK, MAN?!'''''

=== [[w:R.O.B.|R.O.B. The Robot]] ===
:''[The episode opens in the Nerd's room as the Nerd comes out of his NES collection.]''
:'''The Nerd''': What's the difference? All these game suck. ''[walks toward another collection of games]'' All these games suck, too! I'm surrounded by filth! Might as well just cover my walls in shit! I'm living in shit! Fucking video games. We wasted so many hours of human life with this vile crap! We failed in our existence when we were cursed with the technology to invent such horrible mind-rotting catastrophes! We were better in the fucking medieval times! I wish we were just sitting on a river bank playing with fucking rocks!
:''[The Nerd looks and sees various video games on his shelves, all zooming in at once. The Nerd then takes out some games, including Fester's Quest, and drops them on the ground.]''
:'''The Nerd''': This game sucks, and this game sucks, and this game sucks, and this game sucks... ''[picks up Atari 5200]'' This fucking thing barely even works. ''[takes out more devices, like the Virtual Boy, VictorMaxx Stuntmaster, the ColecoVision Expansion Module #2, the U-Force, the Atari 5200 Trak-Ball controller, and Coleco Telstar Arcade]'' And this fucking thing, and this fucking thing, and this fucking thing, and this fucking thing, and this fucking thing, and this fucking thing... ''[the camera zooms in to some other games like the mini arcade games, as well as the ColecoVision]'' ...and this fucking thing, and this fucking thing, and this fucking thing... ''[crosses his arms]'' I don't like them. ''[walks to a shelf of games]'' Well, what are we gonna play this time?
:''[The Nerd takes the pen out of his pocket pouch, throws it backwards and then he finds an NES game &quot;Gyromite&quot;.]
:'''The Nerd''': Gyromite? That was one of the NES launch titles. Yeah, like Duck Hunt, ExciteBike, and Super Mario Bros.! All the initial classics! Let's try it out.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''R.O.B.''': ''[robotic voice]'' I will play, I am R.O.B., Robotic Operating Buddy.
:'''The Nerd''': ''[intrigued]'' Okay, cool, a robot. Here ya go. ''[hands R.O.B. the controller]''
:'''R.O.B.''': ''[robotic voice]'' Error, does not compute, requires adaptive device.
:'''The Nerd''': It's a controller. You play it.
:'''R.O.B.''': ''[robotic voice]'' I do not have thumbs, you moron. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''R.O.B.''': ''[robotic voice]'' Must have gyros.
:'''The Nerd''': ''[annoyed]'' You want a fucking gyro now? ''[He goes into the kitchen, makes a gyro sandwich, and returns to R.O.B.]'' All right, here's your damn gyro.
:'''R.O.B.''': ''[robotic voice]'' You idiot. That is not a gyro.
:'''The Nerd''': I know, I tried - what, do you want me to go to fuckin' Greece?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd:''' ''[angrily]'' You ready now, R.O.B.? You happy? You got enough ''shit'' to work with?!
:'''R.O.B''': ''[robotic voice]'' Affirmative.
:'''The Nerd''': &quot;Affirmative,&quot; your ''ass!'' Let's play. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': Oh, no, no, no, no-- ''[Professor Hector dies]'' ''[growls angrily]'' Fuck! Oh, here comes a Smick! ''[Professor Hector dies again]'' ''[exclaims]'' Ah! Fucking Smick's a dick!

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:'''The Nerd''': You're doing this, you cybernetic shit-sucker!

== Season Six ==

=== [[w:Steven Spielberg|Spielberg Games]] ===

:'''AVGN''': You wanna know a recipe for shit? Take a movie, put it on NES, n' you got yourself some shit. But let's go even more extreme. Let's take one of the best movies ever made, ''[[w:Jaws (film)|Jaws]]'', by one of the best directors, Steven Spielberg! And then, let's give it to ''the'' game company that has made more fucking shitty games than anybody else! You see that little rainbow, right there? LJN. ...Now we're talking shit. Ahh, LJN. What we're dealing with here is a shitty-game-making-machine. It's really a miracle of electronic evolution. All this machine does is joke, and cheat, and make shitty games, and that's all.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''AVGN''': Jaws’ Power Meter goes down slower than the hairs grow on a moose’s scrotum.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''AVGN''': We're gonna need a bigger ass... to shit out this fucking turd! ''[Removes the game from the Nintoaster]'' Never playing this game again. I would just throw it into the sea, but I hear that in 2015, there's an antique store opening up, in Hill Valley. They might take it. ''(Picks up a box)'' Well, right here, I got a box of games, based on movies by Steven Spielberg. Let's see what we got. ''(he pulls out E.T. the Extra Terrestrial for the Atari 2600. The Nerd gasps in horror, throws the box away, and the camera zooms in on the E.T. game)'' Ugh!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''AVGN''': Super ''[[w:Schindler's List|Schindler's List]]'' 3D!? Nah, I'm just kiddin'. It's ''[[w:Jurassic Park (film)|Jurassic Park]]''.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''AVGN''': It's one of those &quot;Where the fuck do I go?&quot; kind of games. You run around like an idiot collecting eggs. So, yes, it's like a big Easter egg hunt with Smokey Bear and dinosaurs. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''AVGN''': Looky looky, I got [[w:Hook|Hooky]].

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''AVGN''': It's amazing how many games in the NES library tried to be side-scrollers and failed. The weapon is puny, the controls suck, and it's nothing like the movie. It's a miserable experience that assaults your eyes and ears with ''horrible'' graphics and music. What about your nose? If it was possible, I'm sure the game cartridge would come with an air duct that pervades the room with the rancid odor of a skunk that's died up a horse's ass! Ugh! You know what kind of games I like? Good ones?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''AVGN''': ''[Playing ''Jurassic Park: Interactive'' on the 3DO]'' Oh, look at this! You're a tiny microscopic speck flying around in circuit-chip land shooting three-and-a-half-inch floppy disks. What does this have to do with ''Jurassic Park''!? WHAT WERE THEY THINKING!? Wait a minute. What does it say on the floppy disks? &quot;'''Dump'''&quot;? It says &quot;Dump&quot;? How appropriate. This game is a bunch of anal dump.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''AVGN''': ''Jurassic Park'' on 3DO is a complete mockery, man. Does it suck? You bet &quot;JUR ASS IC&quot; sucks! In the words of Ian Malcom, &quot;That is one big pile of shit.&quot; The problem with all these games is that the power to make them doesn't require any discipline. They took the movie, without any responsibility, they stood on the shoulders of Steven Spielberg and Michael Crichton to accomplish something as fast as they could, and before they even knew what they had, they patented it, they packaged it, they slapped it on a plastic game cartridge or CD, and (slaps) they sold it.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''AVGN''': Now even though this says E.T. Go Come on the cover it is not the E.T. game. Oh no. Now I gotta make something perfectly clear. I play shitty games so that innocent gamers don't have to. But there's ''one'' game I ''never'' play. ''[picks up [[w:E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial (video game)|E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial]] for the Atari, opens the box, shows a cartridge then throws it in disgust while the choir sings in background]'' Ugh! ''[looks away, then looks back just as the camera slowly zooms in on the game with texts appear saying &quot;To Be Continued in [[w:Angry Video Game Nerd: The Movie|Angry Video Game Nerd: The Movie]]&quot;]''

=== The Making of an Angry Video Game Nerd episode/[[w:Barbie (video game)|Barbie]] ===
:'''AVGN''': No degeneracy is low enough to satisfy the shit-seeking gamer who decides to play ''Barbie'' on NES. Whoo. We know that most games on NES are targeted towards young boys. So, here's one for the girls. As an adult male, why would I ''ever'' want to play this? Because I'm pathetic, and I'm asking for fuck!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''AVGN''': So the game is actually her dream, in case you ever wanted to know what Barbie dreams about. She dreams about a nursery that's been overtaken by a poltergeist! Tennis rackets are hitting balls all over the place, there's clothing flying around, she has to fight the invisible woman, there's a puppy dog that's helping her attack evil stockings or something, Toucan Sam gives her a lift... I wonder if there's any psychological meaning behind these dreams. Barbie's really fucked up in the head. Even the craziest psychopaths on Earth don't dream this fuck!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''AVGN''': The wallpaper's covered in roses, teddy bears, and baseballs. I guess you can say this game is balls to the wall. I can't help but notice how many balls are in the game. They're everywhere! Perhaps the meaning behind this is because she's obsessed with Ken's balls.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''AVGN''': I just got my ass handed to me by a ''Barbie'' game. This game was made for little girls and I can't even get past the first few stages. Fuck this game! Fucking Barbie! Plastic pink mall-shopping, bimbo, ball-craving, bird-riding, ghost-fighting, fish-flopping, psycho-dreaming, HAIR BRAIN PIECE OF FUCK! Go to fuck!

=== [[w:Kid Kool|Kid Kool]] ===
:'''AVGN''': ''Kid Kool'' is a game that's so bad, you wouldn't want to go wipe your ass on it. Your worst fucking enemies don't deserve to play this accursed, foul piece of garbage! Satan doesn't even have any games in Fuck that are as wretched as this putrid shitload of fuck!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''AVGN''': There's parts where you have to get over water and the only way to do this is to master the fragile art of skipping across on your butt. Think it looks easy? It's not.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''AVGN''': ''What'' is the deal with this? Did the programmers have any clue how to make a video game? You're not supposed to have the game stop in mid-jump to reorient the screen! That is so irritating! How are you supposed to make a jump when the screen keeps jolting up and down!? How are you supposed to stomp on enemies!? Look at this! ''Look at this!'' We'll call it &quot;air suspension fuck-lift&quot;.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''AVGN''': So that's ''Kid Kool'' for you. It seems to deliberately follow the guidelines for making an unholy disaster of a game. It has one-way bullshit, two-gear diarrhea, it's heavy on the jump-fuckness, with loads of topside aquatic ass, it has frequent air suspension shit-lifts, a ton of inviso-bitches, and some free-falling fuckballs for good measure. How did they make the game this bad!? It's clearly untested and rushed beyond belief. There couldn't have been that big a demand for ''Kid Kool''. What was the hurry? In order to do something good, it takes time.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''AVGN''': I went through all that torture just to be given the middle-finger salute!? This is a perfect example of a game that's been ruined by control. Control! And that's the hardest part to explain because unless you've played the game, you don't really understand. I mean, maybe you've played other games with horrible control like ''Karate Champ'', or ''Dr. Claw's Dump n' Pump'', but those don't compare. Playing this is like trying to thread a needle while it's spinning on a record player. It's like trying to drive a car blindfolded. You would NOT want to try that, nor would you want to try this game! ''Kid Kool'' is not cool! ''[the Nerd blindly throws the game over his shoulder, and by chance it lands into a garbage bin, to his astonishment.]''

=== [[w:Nintendo World Championships|Nintendo World Championships]] ===
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': ''[he excitedly holds the box of NES games]'' If this box contains what I think it does, then this will be the greatest moment in my career as a game collector. I bought this from an eBay auction. The seller gave a list of games included; mostly NES games that I own already. But there's one that caught my attention: ''[[w:Nintendo World Championships|Nintendo World Championships]]''. Under normal circumstances, this particular game would cost a fortune. The seller probably had no idea what they had, and that happens sometimes. They're trying to get rid of some old games at a flea market or a yard sale or something, and they don't realize that what they're selling happens to be one of the most rare NES games in existence. Nintendo World Championships was never sold in stores. It was a specially-made game cartridge used as part of a gaming competition. Remember the 1989 movie, The Wizard with the big game tournament? Well, this was a real-life version inspired by the movie. The competition was part of a big festival called Powerfest in 1990. It was divided into age groups. Each winner got a cash prize of $10,000, and took home other goodies. The finalists each got to keep their own copy of the game. But there was another version made in gold. The gold cartridges are even more rare. Only 26 were made, and given out as part of a random prize giveaway in Nintendo Power magazine. Also, the red label only existed in the promo pics. The actual games were all gold with a cheap logo glued on that's been cut out with scissors. The whereabouts of these games remain largely unknown. But, in recent years, many of them have show up in auctions, commanding huge prices. But there's still more out there. Um, there were other Nintendo contests like Campus Challenge, two of them, and the Super Nintendo Powerfest '94 competition. But Nintendo World Championships seems to be the most famous, and is considered the Holy Grail among NES collectors. Could I have one of these in my possession right now? Let's find out! ''[starts opening up box with excitedly]'' Oh, boy, I can't wait! It's, I wonder, it's probably the grey one. But who knows? It might even be the gold one! ''[anxiously opens box and digs through cartridges, and unveils game labeled &quot;NWC1990&quot;; Nerd is excited until the camera zooms in on the game's text &quot;Reproduction Cartridge&quot;, and the Nerd's joy slowly fades]'' This is a reproduction cart. Anybody can get these. Worth about $50. ''[he sighs, stands up, and walks to game shelves]'' Well, at least I can still say, &quot;I own Nintendo World Championships&quot;. ''[he places the reproduction cartridge into his game shelf]'' It's not the real thing. I'll never own a complete NES collection. Wait a minute. I know somebody who might own a real NWC. Yeah, somebody who's as obsessed with game collecting as I am, and when it comes to NES, he's even more crazy.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': ''[on the phone with Pat the NES Punk, discussing the authentic copy of the game in Pat's possession]'' Tell you what, uh, if you come on over? I'll help, um, authenticate it for you. I'll give it the Nerd seal of approval.
:'''Pat the NES Punk''': The &quot;Nerd seal of approval&quot;? What is that? Like, you'll take a dump on it?
:'''The Nerd''': No, that would be the Nerd seal of disapproval. Come over, I'll take a look at it.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': ''[trying to convince Pat to give him the rarer gold NWC cart]'' The gold one's a piece of crap! I mean, you don't want that. I mean, you know how they made those! They just cut out the logo with cheap paper, and they glued it on! With glue!
:'''Pat the NES Punk''': Yeah! Elmer's glue!
:'''The Nerd''': Yeah-yeah, I bet Mr. Elmer himself glued it on from his own goat. ''[imitates goat bleating]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Pat the NES Punk''': ''[while getting ready to play NWC]'' Where's your Nintendo?
:'''The Nerd''': Oh, the Nintendo? Right there, the Nintoaster.
:'''Pat the NES Punk''': The what? Are you playing video games or making breakfast? I'm not turning these expensive games into a goddamn English muffin!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': ''[while playing the ''Rad Racer'' portion of NWC]'' Just think, the NWC cartridges are so expensive, you could actually use that money and buy a real car!
:'''Pat the NES Punk''': Sure, you can buy a car, but it wouldn't be a racer as rad as this.
:'''The Nerd''': Alright, So I finished ''Rad Racer.'' Now I'm up to ''Tetris?''
:'''Pat the NES Punk''': Final game, Nerd. All right, you're on a time limit, and to maximize your score, you gotta get the four-line Tetrises. W-Wait. Why am I helping you? You think you deserve these games? You changed your name from the Angry ''Nintendo'' Nerd to the ''Video Game'' Nerd! I'm the NES Punk, I deserve these games!
:'''The Nerd''': I know a lot of people who own ''Tetris.'' And they actually have the whole game!
:'''Pat the NES Punk''': That's it, that's your score. I'm going to annihilate it. ''[takes the NES controller from The Nerd]'' Thank you very much. ''[gets 50 coins on [[w:Super Mario Bros.|Super Mario Bros.]]]'' Okay, I just beat you on ''Super Mario Bros.'' Now, it's ''Rad Racer'' time.
:'''The Nerd''': Look at that. Well, you got two more games!
:'''Pat the NES Punk''': Yeah, I know I do. I can count!
:'''The Nerd''': Well, just think. We're playing on a reproduction cart, but if we were playing one of those other ones, it would be the same thing. So, what's the point? Just to play on an overly priced game cartridge?
:'''Pat the NES Punk''': What's the point? The point is, those games are part of Nintendo and video game history! There are part of our culture! Those games represent the point where Nintendo dominated our, our society! ''[car in &quot;Rad Racer&quot; crashes]'' Oh-- ah! ''[[w:Tetris|Tetris]]'' is next. I'm not gonna let you taunt me outta this one, I'm gonna win!
:'''The Nerd''': No, I'm serious. This game is a piece of shit.
:'''Pat the NES Punk''': Come on, Pat. Come on. Yeah! Triple-Line score! ''[pants]'' Double-Line score! I'm gonna win. ''[The Nerd gets the hammer from the drawer]'' The games are mine!
:'''The Nerd''': ''Nintendo World Championships'' is poop on a pedestal. It's an over-glorified holy shit-grail! Fuck it to hell, fuck it to high heaven, purgatory, and all existence!
:'''Pat the NES Punk''': Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yes! Yes! I won! I won! ''[The Nerd whacks the two cartridges as he grunts angrily and smashes them into pieces as Pat looks at the broken pieces of NWC cartridges then The Nerd removes the reproduction cartridge.]''
:'''The Nerd''': Here you go. You can have this one. ''[Pat the NES Punk takes it for a moment, and then it slips out of his hands in his own disbelief. Pat the NES Punk then starts laughing, and The Nerd starts laughing as well.]'' Oh, man. ''[laughs then gets attacked by Pat the NES Punk]''

=== [[w:Dark Castle|Dark Castle]] ===

:'''AVGN:''' This is gonna get scary. Okay, I play a lot of 8-bit shit; you know, NES. Why is there so many crappy games on NES? I mean - you know, they have lots of great, classic games as well. But its precious library was being used by all these half-ass game companies as a dumping ground for all their foul shit.

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:'''AVGN:''' ''[Talking about the title screen in the Genesis version of Dark Castle]'' What the hell is this? A ghost giving a castle a blow job?

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:'''AVGN:''' ''[Upon starting the game and noticing the first room]'' This one says &quot;BK&quot;. What the hell does BK stand for? Burger King? I hope! If I go in there and I get served hamburgers, that would be the tits!

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:'''AVGN:''' ''[In the game's dungeon]'' Oh, that's neat. Graffiti on the walls. &quot;Gamers rule&quot; and *what?* &quot;Saddam was here&quot;? As in Saddam Hussein? What was he doin' goin' around writing on castle walls? And &quot;Gamers rule&quot;? That's the same handwriting. Hmm, so Saddam was a really hardcore gamer? Wow.

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:'''AVGN:''' ''[Talking about the music]'' After you listen to the music for a half hour, you get tired of it. Fortunately, you have the option to turn the music off, but you have to do it at the right time, or else, it sustains it. ''[The nerd turns off the music at the wrong time and a loud genesis sound is played]'' '''Isn't that the fuckest thing you've ever heard?!! Didn't anybody test this shit out?!!'''

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:'''AVGN:''' ''[on the game's attacking controls]'' Why couldn’t this just operate like any normal game? Whoever came up with this idea is nuttier than squirrel poop.

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:'''AVGN:''' As you notice, you can duck, it's done by pressing Down and B. But it only ducks for like a second. To stay ducking, you have to press ''up'' and B. Yup, pressing Up to duck is ''pretty fucked up''!

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:'''AVGN:''' On top of everything, it’s one of those maze-like, mindfuck games, where you never know where to go. Can I go here? Nope. Can I go there? Nope. What about here? Nope. Three spots on the same screen, all dead ends. Well, if it’s a dead end, WHY CAN'T THEY MAKE IT LOOK LIKE A DEAD END?! PUT A WALL THERE OR SOMETHING! WHY DOES IT HAVE TO LOOK LIKE A WIDE OPEN PASSAGEWAY?!

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:'''AVGN:''' I happen to find a key, but I can’t figure out what it does. I tried every spot I can think of, but this key is as useless as boobs on a bull. Anything you do, you're fucked! Try this, you're fucked. Try that, you're fucked. You're fucked, you're fucked, you're fucked, you're fucked, you're fucked, you're fucked, you're fucked!

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:'''AVGN:''' ''This'' is beyond any doubt, the ''worst'' Sega Genesis game I have ''ever'' played. There’s gotta be something I’m doing wrong. Let me see; maybe it’s on a really high difficulty setting - yeah, let me see what I can do here. Umm… EASY!? It was on easy!? That’s their idea of fucking easy!? Are they out of their minds!? Alright, let’s flick that shit-switch and crank up that diarrhea-dial; I got Dark Castle on C! D! '''''IIIIIIIIIII!!!''''' ''[roaring while flames engulf the room]''

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:'''AVGN:''' I can barely even fucking move! The control is ''impossible''! You ''can’t'' control it. You have more control over the weather than you do in the character in this game!

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:'''AVGN:''' The Genesis version was bad, but this one fucks you harder than life itself! It’s like mixing shit with turds! It’s the most heinously anus thing ever conceived by humankind! It’s a curse to the soul, and it must suffer the tortures of the damned!

=== Bible Games III ===

:'''AVGN:''' In the beginning, the game company called Wisdom Tree began producing unlicensed games for the NES. Wisdom Tree said, &quot;Let there be shit.&quot; And there was shit. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about: Bible games, like Bible Buffet, where you're blowing off a snowman's head (which has nothing to do with the Bible), Super Noah's Ark 3D, where you're slingshottin' pissed off animals, Sunday Funday, where you're killing random people on your way to church, and all those ridiculous CD-i games.
:'''Child's voice:''' Yippie! Yippie! Whoops! Yippie!
:'''AVGN:''' I've already talked about these games in my previous Bible Games episodes. So what's the point of going on? Because Part 3 is never as good. But, you know, there's a few more bible games left, so I might as well finish what I started.

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:'''AVGN:''' ''[playing a Hangman-style game in ''King James Bible'' on Game Boy]'' Alright, what's the word? &quot;'''Goodliest'''&quot;? Who the fuck uses a word like that? &quot;'''Blessedness'''&quot;? Of course. They're all ancient words that nobody says anymore in common speech. Well, that's all there is to that. I marvel at this game's shitliness.

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:'''AVGN:''' The other thing you can do is search for words in the Bible. For example, we can search, I dunno, how about the word &quot;Ass&quot;? [many results appear] Okay, I had no idea there'd be this many results. &quot;'''Then they rent their clothes and laded every man his ass'''&quot;, &quot;'''loose his ox or his ass'''&quot;, &quot;'''whose ass have I taken?'''&quot;, &quot;'''deliver unto his neighbour an ass'''&quot;, &quot;'''Which of you shall have an ass'''&quot;, &quot;'''he had found a young ass'''&quot;, &quot;'''the dumb ass'''&quot; - [laughs] it says &quot;dumb ass&quot; in the Bible - &quot;'''saddled his ass'''&quot;, &quot;'''opened his sack to give his ass'''&quot;, &quot;'''the lion had not eaten the carcase, nor torn the ass'''&quot;, &quot;'''riding upon his ass'''&quot;? ''[chuckles]'' Oh, I'm going to Hell.

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:'''AVGN:''' ''[playing the Genesis version of ''Bible Adventures'']'' Man, Noah has some balls to be rescuing snakes. Indiana Jones wouldn't do that. No, he thinks Noah is a snake-saving shit-sucker. Pee-wee Herman once saved snakes, but he fainted. That's right, in order of manliness, Indiana Jones, then Pee-wee, and then fucking Noah.

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:'''AVGN:''' The monkeys, I hate them. They're so fucking hard to catch! I'm gonna get ya, you stupid monkey. Yeah! Whatever it takes fuckface. You're slime... you're filth... I'm gonna rip you apart.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''AVGN:''' The graphics are dull. There's so much brown. The Ark is brown, the trees are brown. Why's everything gotta be the color of shit? It might as well be shit. Yeah! Those trees in the background are like logs of shit coming out of God's ass. It's HOLY shit.

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:'''AVGN''': Well, that's Bible Adventures, that takes care of all the Bible games on Genesis. I could end things now, but I really don't want there to ever be a Bible Games 4, so there's one little bit of unfinished business: an NES game called King of Kings. I already reviewed this as part of my first Bible Games episode. It has 3 games in it. Jesus and the Temple, which is that Mario 2 (Super Mario Bros. 2) ripoff where you're hopping across logs. Then there's The Wise Men, where you're travelling to Baby Jesus. That means it's the only Christmas game. Isn't that the whole reason I did this in December? Why did I do all these other Bible games? I guess when it comes to bad games, I go above and beyond.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''AVGN:''' ''[replaying ''Flight To Egypt'']'' Every pixel in this game is a sin. First of all, I don't get the title. &quot;''Flight to Egypt''&quot;? You're not flying, you're riding on a donkey, or an ass, if you prefer. What airline is this? &quot;Ass Express&quot;? ...And yes, I know the word &quot;Flight&quot; doesn't necessarily mean aviation, but, hey, it's a fucking joke. Your only attack is this embarrassing, dinky little kick which can't harm anything, unless it's right up in your ass. Or I should say, your ass's ass, not your ass that's sitting upon the ass.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''AVGN:''' And... that's it? Did anything else happen? Did the angel say anything? Did the sight of the angel make Joseph sick in his stomach? Did the donkey stalk them in their sleep? What happened? I assumed that I pressed the button by mistake and actually cancelled out the rest of the ending, but no, I've actually beaten the game multiple times just to try and solve this mystery and the same thing happens! It just stays on this screen until you press something, and then it returns you to the main menu. But I'm aware that the last screen is supposed to be playing text that says &quot;Give your heart to Jesus,&quot; but I'm not seeing it so I'm assuming that I'm supposed to beat all 3 games to see the true ending, and I'm not going through all that trouble, although I will give my heart to Jesus. (The Nerd physically rips out his heart and holds it out.) OH JESUS!

== Season Seven ==

=== [[w:Arnold Schwarzenegger|Schwarzenegger Games]] ===
:'''The Nerd:''' I'm back. And so is [[w:Arnold Schwarzenegger|Arnold Schwarzenegger]] in [[w:The Expendables 2|The Expendables 2]] I can't wait to see that! In the 80's and 90's, nobody kicked as much ass and coined as many catchphrases as he did. And now that he's comin' back to do a little more acting, I think it's an appropriate time... to look at some NES games based on his movies. NES, a console so influential in the side-scrolling action genre. Now pair that with one of the biggest action movie stars, and... you have a match made in heaven. How could you go wrong? (nervously gives a dorky smile) Uh, I don't know. (Chuckles) Uh, Take this game for example: ''[[w:Total Recall|Total Recall]]''. I remember my first time playing it as a kid. It was a Friday night, my homework was all done, my mom took me to the video store, I rented this game, I took it home, man, I played it, and it just FUCKIN' PISSED ME OFF, AND RUINED MY WHOLE GOD DAMN WEEKEND!!!

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:'''The Nerd''': I've already talked about the ''Terminator'' games and they suffered the same fate. The first Terminator had some of the worst controls in existence. The only way to fire the gun is to crouch into this gun mode and jumping around requires extreme accuracy. The second game was a monotonous button masher where enemies take a thousand punches. And there were platforms you can't jump on, like some kind of prank!

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:'''The Nerd''': ''[playing &quot;Last Action Hero&quot; on NES]'' It uses cutscenes with images taken from the movie, but they look like garbage. The contrast is so intense you can't even tell what you're looking at. What is this? A dead fish? A porcupine's back? Oh, it's the top of some guy's head. Damn, it looks like the NES just vomited all over your TV screen. How does it look this bad? I know this is only 8-bit, but I've seen much better. Even with ''Total Recall!'' Arnold's face on the title screen actually looks like him. Hell, even the ''E.T.'' game on Atari 2600 actually looks like E.T. On the title screen at least, but, God, ''[stutters]'' I can't talk about that game.

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:'''The Nerd''': ''[after playing &quot;Conan&quot; on NES]'' Who'd wanna play it anyway? I'd rather have a Sasquatch sit its ass on my face and shoot diarrhea down my throat! I'm dead fucking serious. What a shitload of fuck. What were they thinking? ''[he drinks Rolling Rock]'' And you know what the worst part about it is? I don't think it's really supposed to be based off the ''Conan the Barbarian'' movie. Just the character. So it's not really a Schwarzenegger game, and I just wasted my fucking time.

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:'''The Nerd''': All right, one last game, one last chance for the Schwarzenegger NES library to redeem itself: ''[[w:Predator (film)|Predator]].'' How could this be bad? It's fucking Predator. You look at the cover and think &quot;Yeah! This game's gonna be awesome!&quot; This is a real man's game. This game will turn you into a sexual tyrannosaur. Like me. ''[puts the game in the Nintoaster as the screen shows the game that Arnold wears pink]'' Is he wearing pink? Why'd they put him in pink? Did they see the movie? He doesn't wear pink in the movie. That's not an appropriate army color. I don't know. Maybe he's in pink to stand out from the dull graphics. The graphics are as ugly and dirty as this game's mom. This game sucks so bad the enemy soldiers commit suicide. In addition to the enemy soldiers, you must also face scorpions which you can stand on and they take you for a ride. But only the green scorpions. What, you thought you could ride on a red scorpion? What are you, crazy?

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:'''The Nerd''': This is another one of those games where the music doesn't stop when you pause. Even worse, if you press any button while paused other than &quot;Start&quot;, you will self-destruct. This ''can'' be handy, if you find yourself stuck somewhere, due to faulty game design. Like, here. I'm stuck in the damn rocks. So, rather than working out the bugs, they decided to include a suicide button. This is dangerous, because whenever the game's paused, you have to be careful not to hit the wrong button. Don't pause it, and then, pass it to your buddy whose thumb accidentally touches the &quot;A&quot; or &quot;B&quot; button, and kills off your last life fast than you can say &quot;Oops!&quot;. Another major inconvenience is that every time you die, you have to make sure to pick &quot;Continue&quot;. If you pick &quot;Start&quot;, your game is forever lost, and you have to go all the way back to the beginning. And sooner or later, when you keep playing this long enough...you're gonna make a mistake. It doesn't help that they put the cursor ''on'' &quot;Start&quot; by default. And you can't select by pressing the D-Pad. You have to use the &quot;Select&quot; button, which is right next to the &quot;Start&quot; button, increasing your risk of fucking it up. ''That'' is some sadistic bullshit.

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:'''The Nerd:''' This game blows ass, sucks duck cunt, fucking shit munchin' bunch of pile of... poop.

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:'''The Nerd:''' ''[gets killed]'' '''''Fuck!''''' All right, c'mon. C'mon, c'mon c'mon. ''[he accidentally selects &quot;Start&quot; instead of &quot;Continue&quot;, and is shocked]'' Oops. ''I hit Start?'' ''I hit Start... '''I gotta go all the way back to the beginning.''''' ''[The Nerd shakes his controller and screams in rage]'' '''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!! FUCK-FUCK-FUCK-FUCK-FUCK-FUCK-- SHIIIIIIIIIIT!!''''' ''[chokes himself with the controller]'' '''''FUUUUUUCK!! DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN!! AAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSS! YOUR MOTHER! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!''''' ''[drinks Rolling Rock]'' That's it. I'm seein' red. I'm gonna beat this fucker '''''right now!'''''

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:'''The Nerd:''' Oh, my God, I'm so fuckin' mad I could take a chainsaw to a fuckin' baby's neck right now! I could kick a baby pony! Out of my way, I'm gonna fuck you up. Fuckin' game, I'm gonna fuckin' kill it! [grunts] Your mother! Your father! Your uncle! Your uncle! ''[growls]'' Yeah! Yeah, I'm at the final boss! And-- And it's a... big Predator head that looks like Casey Jones from the ''Ninja Turtles.''
:'''The Nerd:''' C'mon, fu-fu-fu-fu-fu-fuck-- shit! ''[grunts]'' Shoot the bastard, come on! You stop shootin' that shit at me, I'm gonna fuckin' kill you! I'm gonna fuckin' kill you! See, I'm not playin' around. I'm not '''''FUCKIN' AROUND HERE!''''' ''[growls]'' '''''I'M NOT...FUCKIN' AROUND!'''''
:''[eventually defeats the first phase of the boss]''
:'''The Nerd:''' Ooh, the mask is off now. ''Now'' it's serious. Now it's fuckin'... ''[grunts]'' ...fuckin' fuck time! Oh, my God, I gotta fuckin' win before I have a heart attack!
:''[defeats the boss]''
:'''The Nerd:''' ''[shocked and happy]'' I did it! I did it, I won! I beat ''Predator!'' Oh, man. Ooh, boy. ''[exhales and reads text]'' &quot;Congratulations. You have survived.&quot; ''[deep sigh]'' Barely! ''[throws the NES controller.]''

=== [[w:Ghosts 'n Goblins|Ghosts 'n Goblins]] ===
:'''The Nerd''': Happy Halloween. And guess what I have here? I was doing an autograph signing not too long ago, and one of my fans hands me this piece of paper. It's a petition to review ''[[w:Ghosts 'n Goblins|Ghosts 'n Goblins]].'' Yeah, he went through the line and got everybody to sign it. Now, what's there to say about ''Ghosts 'n Goblins?'' Well, it's not a bad game. It's made by Capcom so how could it? But, it's one of the most difficult games in the NES library. This game is harder than fossilized triceratops turds! I'm talking Mega Man combined with Castlevania, that kind of hard. Games this ruthless and unforgiving should be illegal. And I never got a petition to review any other game. That's a true testament to the game's legacy and the internal frustration that scarred us all since childhood. I remember my first time playing it: I got it for my birthday, the same day I got my NES.
:'''Young James''': You wanna play ''Ghosts 'n Goblins?''
:'''Young April''': Yeah, I do!
:'''Young James''': Look!
:'''Young April''': I do!
:'''The Nerd''': Of course I had the ''Super Mario Bros./Duck Hunt'' combo cartridge, but the first game I attempted was ''Ghosts 'n Goblins.'' That's right, this is the first NES game I ever played. And that's one Fuck of a game to start with.
:'''Young April''': Go on, shoot 'em, shoot 'em!
:'''Young James''': I don't know how!
:'''The Nerd''': Naturally, I got my ass kicked. This is what it would've looked like my first time playin' the game. I sucked balls. This new console was way different than the Atari 2600 I was accustomed to. In the 80's, these were the kind of brutal-ass games that kicked us into shape and heightened our senses. Made us into fuckin' tigers. And now, 25 years later, I'm gonna put my gaming skills to the ultimate test, and see if I can finally beat this fucker. Because, it's Halloween. There's no excuse. I can feel in the air. The time is right to play some Ghosts 'n Goblins.
:''[The Nerd inserts the game and thunder claps and lightning flashes]''

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:'''The Nerd''': It begins with one of the most shocking intros in video game history: A couple just got done having sex in a cemetery. I'm not even kidding! What else does it look like? He's not even wearing clothes! Next thing, Satan shows up as if saying &quot;Yeah, I want to get in on some of that!&quot; and takes her away. That's the plot. Is that the greatest opening to an NES game or what?

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:'''The Nerd''': ''[after getting killed by Satan]'' And now you're stuck with that shitty shield. Don't even try. You can't kill the Unicorn with the shield. It doesn't work. If someone else wants to try it, go ahead. You need the knife. So now, you gotta go ghostbusting. Kill those fucking ghosts until one of them drops a knife. Again, it's at pure random. So, expect to run the timer out a few times. And by this point, those annoying squeals the ghosts make will nearly drive you to break the fucking TV screen. ''[ghosts make squealing noises and the Nerd mimics it]'' '''''OH, SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!'''''
:'''The Nerd''': Finally, when you get the knife back, you can try the level again. ''[The Nerd is fighting Satan]'' C'mon, c'mon, c'mon! I'm gonna do it! ''[dies and exclaims with frustration]'' '''''FUCK!''''' ''[to the Jack O' Lantern]'' '''WHAT'RE ''YOU'' LAUGHIN' AT?!'''
:'''The Nerd''': You know that feeling you get when you ''almost'' beat the level, and you want another shot right away? You have that adrenaline going, and you want to start again immediately? Well, you can't. You gotta go wait for the fucking knife to come back. So, you'll never get two tries in a row. You know what? I'm sick of it! I've been playing this fucking game since the 80's. I gotta beat it! I need closure on this. I need to end this chapter on my life. This chapter of...not beating Ghosts 'N Goblins. ''[he barely beats two Satans as he gasps in joy]'' I did it! I beat two Satans! In my underwear!
:'''The Nerd''': Final boss: The Devil! Notice how I'm walking backwards. So, it's now in one-on-one fighting mode. Kinda like a certain other Capcom game. ''[gets hit and exclaims]'' Come on! My mother throws bigger fireballs than that.
:''[The Nerd defeats the Devil and is shocked but relieved]''
:'''The Nerd''': You know what? I don't try to be cocky or anything but... '''''who's the man?''''' I just beat one of the hardest games of all time! I bet you didn't think I could really do it, but [[w:Dawn of the Dead (1978 film)|I got this, man. '''''I GOT THIS BY THE ASS!''''']] ''[notices text on the screen]'' &quot;This room is an illusion and is a trap devisut by Satan. Go ahead dauntlessly! Make rapid progres!&quot;? ''[starts again from the beginning of the game and is horrified and speechless]''
:'''The Nerd''': You have to beat the game twice? ''[chuckles sarcastically]'' You have to beat the game twice in a row. That's just great because this time I'm ''[angrily]'' '''''TWICE AS FUCKING PISSED OFF!!''''' Beat the game twice. I'll show you twice. After all that hard work, who would want to do that shit again? It's like building a house and when you're finished, you tear it down just to build it one more time. &quot;Oh, yeah, we could've made 12 stages, but instead, let's just make six and make people have to play the game twice.&quot;
:'''The Nerd''': All right. I'm gonna get the good ending this time. It better be good, whatever it is. It better be something awesome for goin' through the game twice. All right. '''''All right!''''' ''[beats the game again]'' '''''YEAH! I did it!''''' ''[reads the ending screen]'' &quot;Contraturation. This story is happy end. Thank you. Being the wise and courageour knight that you are you feel strongth welling in your body. Return to starting point. Challenge again!&quot;?
:''[The Nerd is angrily speechless, and rage builds up inside him, and tries yelling &quot;Fuck!&quot;, but can't.]''
:'''The Nerd''': Curse! Curse, Goddamn it! ''[grunts]'' I used up all my &quot;Fuck&quot; points during the last 107 episodes. ''[sighs]'' I don't have anything new. I gotta rely on the old tricks.
:''[The Nerd starts fighting the Ghosts 'N Goblins cartridge Final-Fantasy style]''
:'''The Nerd''': All right. Let's try the cluster F-Bombs. Fuck this fucking piece of shit fucking shit fucker game!
:''[Ghosts 'n Goblins attacks the Nerd]''
:'''The Nerd''': ''[grunts]'' Uh, gotta go for the Precision F-Strike. ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, how this game lures you in with its appealing gameplay, and charming atmosphere, and then ''[angrily]'' '''BENDS YOU OVER AND ''FUCKS'' YOU TO FUCK!!'''
:''[Ghosts 'n Goblins attacks with diarrhea blast]''
:'''The Nerd''': ''[exclaims]'' All right, how about some Wordplay? Alliteration. Feast on some fried fuck-farts! Assonance. What's up, you dumb fuck-tuple mother-humpin' muppet-fucker's uncle?! Uh, Rhymes! Suck on this muck, you run amuck fucked-up, uh, mandarin duck.
:''[The Nerd misses and Ghosts 'n Goblins attacks with blizzard of balls]''
:'''The Nerd''': ''[groans]'' Alright, when all else fails, it's time for the Atomic F-Bomb!
:''[The Nerd roars and the 8-bit word flies toward the screen]''
:'''The Nerd''': ''[roars]'' '''''FUCK!!!!'''''
:''[Loud explosion kills Ghosts 'n Goblins]''

=== Atari Sports ===
:'''The Nerd''': Most of the video games I talk about are... action games, sidescrollers, games that are in the realms of fantasy. But, there's a huge, huge following for games based on sports. And I get a lot of requests for that, and I'm not really a big fan. Because, I don't know, I-I guess I like fantasy games more because it's something that you couldn't do in real life, whereas a sports game you ''could'' go outside and play sports. It's possible. Not for me, 'cause, I don't know anything about sports; I'm a fuckin' nerd.

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:'''The Nerd''': Football; Don't even get me started. And I'm not talking about the kind of football where they actually ''use'' their foot. I mean the kind where they slam into each other, like a bunch of barbarians! ''[he pounds his fist into his hand as he grunts]'' What I don't understand is why everything is always &quot;bowl&quot;. What, like a toilet bowl? Okay, I know at least what the Super Bowl is. It's the most anticipated football game in the season. And with so much testosterone and high energy going around, why is the halftime show always some pussy pop group? '''''GET METALLICA IN THERE OR SOMETHING,''''' it doesn't make any sense!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': Alright. Back to football video games. ''Madden, Madden, Madden.'' ''Madden '91! Madden '92, Madden '93, Madden '94, Madden '95, Madden '96, Madden '97, Madden '98, Madden '99, Madden 2000, Madden 2001, Madden 2002, Madden 2003--'' '''''Who the fuck is John Madden anyway?!''''' He doesn't even look like an athlete! What is it with football? Everywhere you go, football! Go there, football! Football, football, football. Like, what the fuck? Sunday Football, Monday Night Football, Thursday Night Football, Football on Thanksgiving, Football on Christmas, and out of all sports, it's the one everyone goes fuckin' ape-shit over! '''''Makes them act like fuckin' maniacs!''''' ''[screams and crushes Rolling Rock can with his head]''

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:'''The Nerd''': ''[sighs in relief]'' Man. I gotta calm down. All right. If I'm gonna play some sports games, I gotta start with the Atari 2600. Yeah! This is when sports games were fucking sports games. Look at these titles; Baseball, Basketball, Football, not this ''Madden'' shit. Just plain-ass, normal, everyday, no question about it, no NFL, no year, not named after a player, not named after a coach, not named after the referee's pet goldfish, no quarterback, dime-back, [[w:Nickelback|Nickelback]], simple, ordinary, un-embellished, unmistakable, crystal clear, as frank as Frankenstein, as blunt as an atom '''''BOMB,''''' one compound word, ''it's motherfuckin', goddamn, sons-of-bitchin', fuck, fuck, fuckin' '''FOOTBALL!''''' ''[growls and slams the cartridge into Atari 2600]'' And it's one of the worst games I've ever played in my life. Are these football players, or are they stormtroopers? Are they wearing helmets, or are these microwaves on their heads? Is it Team White vs. Team Naked? Is that a crowd noise, or is it the sounds of the ocean? Is that the entire field? Yeah, it is. And it's surrounded by... water, it looks like. Yeah, it's like an island. It's Football Island. ''[chuckles]'' In other words, Hell. I'm gonna make it. I'm gonna make it... Yeah. yeah...! ''[scores a touchdown]'' '''''TOUCHDOWN!''''' ''[he screams hysterically and tackles the camera]''

=== [[w:Ikari Warriors|Ikari Warriors]] ===
:'''AVGN''': Here's another game I've had a personal grudge with since I was a kid. ''[[w:Ikari Warriors|Ikari Warriors]]'' on NES. Let's pop this fucker in and I'll show you how it goes. Two guys, tugging at their crotches, march up to the title, fire their guns around at nothing, and then you pick one or two players. Well, I'm not getting anybody to play this shit with me. So, I'm going solo like usual.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': An average game of ''Ikari Warriors'' lasts about five minutes. But you're in luck, there's a code. A-B-B-A. It brings you back to life. ''[dies]'' Oop. I'm dead again. A-B-B-A. ''[dies again]'' ABBA. Get used to that, you're going to be doing that a lot. ''[dies a third time]'' A-B-B-A.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''' ''[commenting on the slow nature of the gameplay]'': It's not horrible, it's just tedious as fuck and with one player, this is gonna take all night. I need a second player.
:''[The Nerd looks over to the end of the couch, behind which is the skeleton of Kyle Justin, complete with his fedora and a guitar. He nods to the camera, then gets up and walks over to the skeleton.]''
:'''AVGN''': A-B-B-A.
:''[Kyle slowly comes back to his human life form. Once he does, he sees The Nerd and groans in disgust.]''
:'''Kyle Justin''': [groans] I guess somebody needs a favor.
:'''AVGN''': Yeah. I need your help, to beat a game.
:'''Kyle Justin''': Let me-- let me guess. A shitty game?
:'''AVGN''': Yeah, a shitty game. ''Ikari Warriors''.
:'''Kyle Justin''': Yeah, I know that game.
:'''AVGN''': Oh yeah?
:'''Kyle Justin''': Yeah, I know what you could do with that game too.
:'''AVGN''': Uh huh.
:'''Kyle Justin''': Yeah, yeah. You take the game, and you take your ass cheeks as well, and you just open them up really wide, and you grease up the game and just shove it up your ass! I'm not helping you. Besides, you never play my theme song anymore.
:'''AVGN''': Yeah, the theme song. And I thought people were getting tired of that.
:'''Kyle Justin''': You thought wrong.
:'''AVGN''': Yeah, ''[to camera]'' I know. Alright, so if we do the theme song, will you play the game with me?
:'''Kyle Justin''': Fine.
:'''AVGN''': Alright. Let's do this. Play the song. 
:''[Kyle cracks his knuckles.]''
:'''Kyle Justin''' ''(playing scales on his guitar and singing)'': Do-mi-so-mi-do...
:'''AVGN''': Play the song. ''[Kyle clears his throat]'' Play the fucking song! ''[Kyle moistens his lips while getting spittle on the Nerd, then sings the theme song as the Nerd pantomimes frustration]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': Okay, ''Ikari Warriors''. You know what &quot;Ikari&quot; means?
:'''Kyle Justin''': What?
:'''AVGN''': Anger.
:'''Kyle Justin''': Do you know what &quot;Warrior&quot; means?
:'''AVGN''': &quot;Warrior&quot;? No.
:'''Kyle Justin''': Brave soldier or fighter?
:'''AVGN''': Brave soldier or fighter.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Kyle Justin''': So who is this guy? Rambo?
:'''AVGN''': Well, if that's Rambo, who's the other guy?
:'''Kyle Justin''': Arnold Schwarzenegger?
:'''AVGN''': Which movie?
:'''Kyle Justin''': ''[[w:Commando (film)|Commando]]''.
:'''AVGN''': That'd be a fucking awesome movie! John Matrix and John Rambo, together at last! Of course it'd be &quot;Rambo and Commando'&quot;. Say that three times fast.
:'''AVGN and Kyle Justin''': Rambo Commando Rambo Commando Rambo Commando!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''(Just after entering Level 2, The Nerd and Kyle come up to a point where Kyle's character has become stuck inside a rock.)''
:'''AVGN''': You're not stuck. Stop fooling around. Get outta there.
:'''Kyle Justin''': I'm trying!
:'''AVGN''':...you're really stuck. ''(Begins lobbing grenades toward the rock)''
:'''Kyle Justin''': Just kill me.
:'''AVGN''': I'm...I'm trying!
:'''Kyle Justin''': No, kill me for real.
:'''AVGN''': Wait, wait, just wait for one of these missiles to come. ''(The enemy missile hits the rock and obliterates Kyle's character.)'' Alright. We're back in business now. ''(The Nerd then sees what happens next and gets a look of shock on his face; Kyle's character still cannot move)'' Oh, shit, you respawned inside ''another'' rock!
:'''Kyle Justin''': I've had it with this fucking game! I'm gonna blow my fucking brains out! 
:''(He picks up a Zapper, puts it to his head, and pulls the trigger. He flashes on screen four times, then disappears.)''
:'''AVGN''': ''(turns to where Kyle was sitting)'' A-B-B-A!
:''(This time, Kyle comes back to life with part of his body stuck behind the couch.)''
:'''Kyle Justin''': Aw fuck!
:'''AVGN''': You're right. Having two players doesn't help much.
:'''Kyle Justin''': Get me outta this couch, you damn Nintendo dork!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': Yeah, made it to Level 3. And ''finally'' it looks different! But the music's still the same. Anyway, it looks ''so'' different it's like you stepped out of the jungle and into ''[[w:The Twilight Zone (franchise)|The Twilight Zone]]''. Look at all the white chocolate bars and scrotum guns.
:'''Kyle Justin''': ''[singing]'' White chocolate bars and scrotum guns. ''[stops singing]'' Wait, I don't remember the episode with the scrotum guns, but [[w:Nightmare at 20,000 Feet|the one with the gremlin on the wing]] was pretty good.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Kyle Justin''': ''[singing]'' It's the game of life.&lt;br&gt;A, B, B, A.&lt;br&gt;It will bring you back today if you want it to.
:''[The Nerd has died again and is frantically trying to punch the code in.]''
:'''AVGN''': A-B-B-A! A-B-B-A! Fuck!
:'''Kyle Justin''': ''[singing]'' It will save you today...
:'''AVGN''': It didn't save me now!
:'''Kyle Justin''': ''[singing]'' and bring you back to life...
:'''AVGN''': Apparently near the end of Level 3, A-B-B-A stops working.
:'''Kyle Justin''': ...didn't save him today...
:'''AVGN''': Okay, so here's what we're gonna do. First, we're gonna use Game Genie to get infinite lives. ''[puts the NES Game Genie with the cartridge attached into the Nintoaster]'' Then we're gonna use a stage select code; that way we can go back to Level 3 and continue our fucking game. You can find the code in the classic book ''[[w:Jeff Rovin|How to Win at Nintendo]]''. Nowcheck out this code: &quot;right before the title screen, press: up, down, A, A, B, left, right, A ,B, up, A, down, right, right, left, B, up, left, A, right, B, left, right, A, left, up, A, down, A, right, left, B, select.&quot; ''[pauses incredulously]'' '''WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?!?! Why's the code have to be so fucking long?''' And according to this you have to punch in the code before the titlescreen comes up!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': (after he tries to enter the code) So, I'm faster than greased lightning now. I can pull off the whole code before the title screen comes up, but turns out the book was wrong. To ''really'' find how to do the code you check out the VHS tape, &quot;Secret Video Game Tricks, Codes, and Strategies&quot;. Yeah, I used to rent this fucker from the video store all the time. But anyway, the real way to do the code is ''during'' the title screen, not ''before'' it. Let's try again. (enters the code during the title screen)
:'''Kyle Justin''': ''(singing)'' Up, down, A, A, B, left, right, A, B, up, A, down, right, right, left, B, up, left, A, right, B, left, right, A, left, up, A, down, A, right, left, B and start.
:'''AVGN''': So here we are, back in level 3.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': Anyway, the last stage is as hard as fuck. I hate these guys that swim under water. You cant shoot them when they're submerged, and they're too fast to outrun. What are these, human beings or fucking torpedoes?
:'''Kyle Justin''': ''(singing)'' Throw milk at them, just try it, might work.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': Now let's see how bad this ending sucks.
:'''Kyle Justin''': ''[singing to the tune of the AVGN theme song]''
:'''You have accomplished'''
:'''the mission.'''
:'''You are the very prevailer'''
:'''that protect right'''
:'''and justice.'''
:'''I would express my sincere.'''
:'''Thanks to you.'''
:'''Take good rest!'''
:'''General Kawasaki'''
:'''AVGN''': Get back behind the couch.
:'''Kyle Justin''': ''[still singing]'' He's the Angry Video Game Nerd.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''Kyle Justin's &quot;Scrotum Guns&quot; song, version 1''
:'''We might be past the scrotum guns&lt;br&gt;But I haven't forgot them&lt;br&gt;'Cause they are so hairless&lt;br&gt;Where did their hair go?&lt;br&gt;Ooh, where did their hair go?&lt;br&gt;Where did their hair gooo?&lt;br&gt;Where did their hair go?'''

=== [[w:Toxic Crusaders (video game)|Toxic Crusaders]] ===

:'''AVGN''': Why's there always gotta be bats?!
:'''Lloyd Kaufman''': Bats, th-these aren't bats, Nerd, these are cats with wings! When-when I was a teenager at Tijuana, I-I had some pussy with wings. ''[AVGN smiles and snickers before covering his face with his hands]'' And-and-and th-that's what it's all about, man! ''[AVGN laughs offscreen]''
:'''AVGN''': Yeah. How do you like this? World 2-4, World 2-5, and we're still going. And it's a portable console! You can beat Super Mario Land at a time--
:'''Lloyd Kaufman''': ''[Interrupts the Nerd]'' Wh-What are you talking about?! You want something to, uh, take a long time to beat?! Would take me a long time to beat off to Justin Beiber, man! And uh...
:'''AVGN''': ''[nods in agreement]'' Takes a long time.
:'''Lloyd Kaufman''': Long! My penis is pretty damn long right now! ''[AVGN snickers offscreen]'' And I'm... I'm not even flaccid.
:'''AVGN''': Look at all the &quot;Z&quot;s on the fence. That's exactly how I feel when I play this game. ''[Lloyd Kaufman yawns as he falls asleep with the controller in his mouth]'' ...Like going to sleep. ''[AVGN glances at him and nods]'' Alright, alright, okay, okay, okay, okay!
:'''Lloyd Kaufman''': ''[suddenly wakes up and hallucinates]'' Ah, where am I?! ''[whimpers as he twiddles with the SNES controller]''
:'''AVGN''': Alright.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': Well, as you can see, you can tell it's another beat 'em up game. So what do you think of that chopper? Why's it have so many colors?
:'''Lloyd Kaufman''': Well, uh, the chopper is made out of a tie, man. And it's tie dye. That's why it is those many colors. ''[AVGN shakes his head before he and Lloyd Kaufman struggle over the controller]'' Give me that! Give me that! I want that!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': What 'bout the music? Couldn't they have something more upbeat and action-packed? ''[volume of background music from Toxic Crusaders for Sega Gensis increases]''
:'''Lloyd Kaufman''': I love it. I love it. I...It makes me want to strip, Nerd. ''[actually removes his coat along the music while AVGN quickly glances and shakes his head]'' I wanna take my clothes off.
:'''AVGN''': Okay, okay, okay!
:'''Lloyd Kaufman''': Ah, I love this music.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&gt;
:'''Lloyd Kaufman''': ''[having such difficulty playing]'' Fuck! Jumpin' Jesus on a... fuckin' pogo stick! Fuck! Dick! Quack! Weewee! Doodie! Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUuuuuuuuhh!
:'''AVGN''': And that's what happens when we go from the movie, to the show, to the game - it's like putting a golden egg on a mountain of shit, and then you roll it down and it gets shittier and shittier and shittier. By the time it gets to the bottom, it ain't the same. ''(to Lloyd)'' And look; that's your name on it! That's your name on this game!
:'''Lloyd Kaufman''': I spit on my name! ''[makes spitting noises]''
:'''AVGN''': What you created that's great got transformed into a mutated anomaly that'd make the Pope weep. They made a mockery of your shit, man! What're you gonna do about it?!
:'''Lloyd Kaufman''': What am I gonna do about it, what am I gonna do about it?! I'm gonna shit on this, I'm gonna take a huge dump, here I go, and I had baked beans for dinner! (removes the cartridge from the Nintoaster, and puts it on the floor) You want shit, you shitty fuckin' game?! Well, here it comes, here it comes! ''(drops his pants and lets loose shit as the Nerd watches in horror)'' You shitty shit game, how'd ya like that?!
:'''AVGN''': UGH, IT'S NASTY, OH, GOD, OH! ''[his stomach rumbles and he pukes on the pile of shit as Lloyd laughs insanely]''
:'''Lloyd Kaufman''': Ah. That'll teach you, you fuckin' game.

=== [[w:Bill &amp; Ted's Excellent Video Game Adventure|Bill &amp; Ted's Excellent Video Game Adventure]] ===
:'''The Nerd''': What happens when you take an 80s comedy film like ''[[w:Bill &amp; Ted's Excellent Adventure|Bill &amp; Ted's Excellent Adventure]],'' and turn it into an NES game? Two guys are struggling to pass their history course, so they go back in time in a phone booth to get the aid of famous historical figures. It's dumb, but it's great entertainment, and a video game adaptation seemed like a good idea. It had fun characters, time travel, and adventure. So how could you fuck it up? You wanna know? ''[Metal rock music plays as the Nerd reveals the LJN logo.]'' ''That's'' how.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': Who are these &quot;time rebels,&quot; and why do they want to do this? Well, guess what. They're never referred to again. Yeah, they're just for your imagination. ''[a thought bubble with the time rebels appear]''
:'''Blue-Haired Rebel''': Man, wouldn't it be funny if we put Thomas Edison in Ancient Egypt? ''[chuckles]''
:'''Green-Haired Rebel''': How about Galileo in the Jurassic period? ''[they both chuckle]'' We're assholes.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': So where is Rembrandt? You can explore this whole land, but you won't find him anywhere. That's because you need to lure him out, with bait. What is he, a fucking fish? The bait can be any random object. There's four of them hidden on each stage; one of them will make Rembrandt appear in one of the random houses. How do you find this bait? You wanna know? Guess what? By jumping into things! ''[the Nerd jumps into a tree, and falls]'' This game treats you like an idiot. Like, &quot;Hey kids, you wanna play a Bill &amp; Ted game? Well, here you go! Go jumping around into fucking bushes and fences! That'll keep you busy! Have fun!&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': Fuck the townspeople, fuck not knowing where to go, I'm gonna get the power. Nintendo Power! ''[searches for a Nintendo Power magazine as he jumps and falls]'' Wasn't there. ''[jumps and falls again then finds a Nintendo Power magazine]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': The correct item is supposed to be something that would belong to this historical figure, and here is where the game could've been somewhat educational. But instead, it's a joke. For example, for Julius Caesar, you're supposed to give him salad dressing. ''[fake laugh]'' For Thomas Edison, you're supposed to give him a compact disc. Yeah. Let's not change history, by the way. For Cleopatra, a credit card. For Elvis, a gravestone. Here you go, Elvis! Here's your fucking gravestone! You're gonna die! For King Arthur, the Holy Grail. Yeah. Entire stories have been written about finding the Holy Grail; you're going to find it by casually slamming into a bush or fence. Just a little side quest. For Jesse James, an Uzi. You're going to give Jesse James a fucking Uzi? You're going to give a notorious outlaw a more contemporary weapon! Yeah, just help him out! Might as well give, I don't know, Vlad Tepes an atom bomb? Anyway, I give Rembrandt the Paint Roller, and he says, &quot;Let's party.&quot; That's exactly what he'd say. He also mentions that he'll pay for the call. &quot;Of course, here's some coins for your phone booth time machine from the future.&quot; And now, we have to go through the damn time circuits again. ''[a phone booth time machine runs into a pink skull, and The Nerd runs out of coins]'' My coins ran out. Didn't that motherfucker say he was gonna pay? ''[stage restarts]'' Aw, great! I have to roam around this fucking stage again, looking for coins? I've had enough.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': I'm losing my faith in the NES library. Was there ''any quality control here,'' you know, that-that, um, seal of quality, did that mean ''anything?!'' Did anyone look at these games before they dumped them in the back of every KB's and Toys &quot;Я&quot; Us?! How many of these games are worthless?! '''''All the LJN ones, I can tell you that,''''' but there ''are'' good games here, ''there are!'' ''Zelda,'' ''Mario,'' ''Metroid,'' ''Contra,'' ''Castlevania,'' ''Mega Man,'' '''''but then, A BIG FUCKIN' SHITSTORM HIT IT! A SHITSTORM OF HORRIBLE GAMES! And at the middle of it all, a rainbow! A rainbow of shit! LJN! And Bill and Ted...might even be...THE WORST LJN GAME ON THE NES!''''' It doesn't just have some &quot;flaws,&quot; there's no good and bad. This game is ''all bad.'' Like, I'm impressed! How did they do it? How did they make it so bad? Bad doesn't even describe it! It's disgraceful! It's ''putrid!'' In fact, I even looked up the word &quot;putrid&quot; in the dictionary. There's no definition. '''It's just a picture of ''Bill and Ted'' on NES!''' Curse this fucking game! Curse the plastic that encases this dung heap! Literally, it's a plastic shell '''''filled with shit! IT'S FUCKIN' SHIT!''''' ''It's... it's ass, it's garbage...'' And that's it, good night.
:''[walks off screen for 2 seconds, before coming back]''
:'''The Nerd''': Oh, wait, I forgot to mention as a matter of fact, it also sucks monkey fuck, and it's a worthless pitiful pile of ''snot-dripping, pus-bubbling, '''wet, steaming mountain of buffalo butt dump,''''' and mere descriptions can't even describe the '''''inane lack of common sense''''' that even a ''child'' would possess when making a game with chalk on a sidewalk. I can't even come up with a description that's foul and '''''disgusting''''' enough to even come ''close'' to this rancid abomination. Can't describe it. I'm done; For real this time.
:''[walks offscreen for 7 seconds, and returns]''
:'''The Nerd''': ''[yells]'' '''''THIS GAME IS DIARRHEA COMING OUT OF AN OLD WOMAN'S BLEEDING VAGINA! IT'S FUCKIN' TERRIBLE! WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?!''''' ''[angrily]'' I know; They ''weren't'' thinking.

=== [[w:Tiger Electronics|Tiger Electronic Games]] ===
:'''The Nerd''': Tiger, on the other hand, continued well into the 90s. In fact, I remember these things being more common in the 90s than ever. They kept pouring obsolete games into stores, and we were still buying them. They wouldn't die off! They were like cockroaches! By giving people a cheap alternative, they managed to coexist with the Game Boy. Yeah, this Tiger definitely rose up to the challenge of its rival, had the guts, got the glory, went the distance, now it's not going to stop! It's literally a Survivor!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': Tiger games were so outdated they were never ''in''-dated! They were a fad, like Pogs! If they were an experiment in the 70's and they only made a few of them, then I could accept that. But no, they milked these things for all that they're worth! You thought LJN was the grand champion, the almighty shitty game factory? Tiger put LJN to shame! Sure, LJN laid down turd after turd after turd, but Tiger was like a machine gun ass shitting out turdturdturdturdturdturdturdturdturdturdturd! These are the worst games I've had the honor of playing, if you can even count them as video games! People have discussions like &quot;Are video games art?&quot; or something like that. Well, I have a better one: are Tiger games video games? These are a caveman's version of video games! These were a step back in human evolution! These are the most desperate attempt at entertainment! You could save up for a Game Boy, or just go ''[mimics playing a game with the sound effects]''. Yeah, well ''[mimics game sounds to motions of jerking off and flipping the bird]''! Just what the hell? How did they waste so much plastic to make these things?! It brought the game industry down as low as it could go! It's proof that Jesus died in vain and legally changed his middle name to Fucking! The only thing I could think of to use these things for is to wipe your ass with it! You might as well save that toilet paper! It's worth a whole lot more! ''[he drinks Rolling Rock]'' But I'm not done, am I? Oh, no. I've actually gotten into this point. It's time to talk about the wrist games. ''[he holds up a Tiger wrist game and groans disgustedly]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd:''' Now check this out: Batman Returns, the wrist game. Oh, boy... (The Nerd tries to open it) Wait, I can't get it open. Good. God, I hate this shit! You know... You know what's bullshit?
:''[The Bullshit Man appears as &quot;You Know What's Bullshit&quot; theme song plays and the Nerd looks in shock]''
:'''The Bullshit Man:''' '''YOU KNOW WHAT'S''' '''''BUUUUUUUUULLSHIT?!''''' ''[gives the Nerd a pair of scissors]'' Packaging that you need scissors to open! Even with the scissors, it's still a pain in the ass. Why's this plastic so fucking strong? This stuff is bulletproof. Nobody wants this shit, so why do they do it? They use it on everything! This kind of packaging should be outlawed! Why does it still exist? I especially &quot;love&quot; when you buy scissors and you need scissors to open the scissors. What fucking idiots think this is a good idea? They don't care. By the time you're having this problem, you already bought it. Packaging like this is bullshit. ''[leaves]''
:'''The Nerd:''' Thanks, Bullshit Man. ''[looks at the Tiger wrist game and sighs]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': ''[playing the Batman Returns wrist game]'' Wow, look at how badass this game is. Yeah, this is the hot shit right here. You'd be so cool going around wearing this thing. Yeah, you'd be walking around school with this thing on, and everybody else is talking about what the new hot video game system is going to be. ''[scoffs]'' Nintendo 64? The Bit Wars? ''[chuckles]'' 64 bits. 32 bits. 16 bits. 8 bits. 4 bits! 2 bits! 1 BIT! HALF-BIT! QUARTER-BIT! ''[shouts hysterically]'' '''THE WRIST GAME!!!''' And you thought that was it for Tiger, huh? Handheld games, wrist games, Tiger ''(computerized voice)'' Pokémon Walkie Talkies?! Yeah! That's not enough? Well, how about '''a whole fucking Tiger game console?!''' In 1997, this was Tiger's belated answer to the Game Boy. You'd think it was called the Game-Dot-Com, but it's actually the Game.com.
:'''Game.com bootup voice''': GAME.COM ACTIVE.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': So, that's the Game.com. Needless to say, it flopped, especially with Nintendo dominating the portable gaming market. So, hey, why not just follow whatever Nintendo's doing? That mentality is what brought us what I think, so far, is the worst video game console I have ever played: the R-Zone. This is basically a shitty version of the Virtual Boy. Yes, I said that, as if the Virtual Boy wasn't shitty enough. Just look at it! What planet did this thing come from?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': Just when you thought the most sorry, pathetic excuse for a video game was the Tiger wrist games, oh no. ''[points to wrist game]'' Imagine playing one of these, up close to your eye in red-and-black. ''[shot of the gameplay from the R-Zone's ''[[w:Batman Forever|Batman Forever]]'' game]'' '''GOOD LORD!''' You thought I was kidding. But it's true. This actually happened. Unlike the Virtual Boy, which causes eyestrain and headaches within minutes, this thing does it immediately!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': I love how the advertisements always show a kid playing it. Look at his expression. He's horrified, and in the commercial, the kid's screaming in agony!
:'''Rodger Parsons (Pokémon Narrator):''' You better not blink.
:'''Kid''': ''[screams]''
:'''Rodger Parsons (Pokémon Narrator):''' Indy 500 roars into the R-Zone!

=== [[w:Alien 3|Alien 3]] ===

:'''AVGN''': It's the Halloween season again, and I can't miss the occasion to celebrate by torturing myself with another assanine game! Alien³ on NES, based on the movie. The first movie, Alien, was like a slasher film set in outer space; the second movie, Aliens, brought the action genre into the mix and gave it a wider mass appeal. It made a huge impact on not only film, but video games. The concept of shooting down hostile aliens, fighting for survival, was perfect for video game adaptations. It's no wonder why so many games like Contra and Metroid were influenced by the Alien movies' art style and their feelings of solitude, confinement and claustrophobia. Can you even count how many games blatantly ripped these movies off? The first two Alien movies were masterpieces, but the one we got on NES was the bastard sequel, the unholy 3 that had mixed reactions: some people like it, some people don't. It's not a terrible movie, but it's not great either. But, you know, I'm not gonna get all into right now. Monster Madness. So let's take a look at the game. Is this good enough for Halloween? I mean Alien³ is a horror movie. Is this scary enough? (He notices the LJN logo on the cartridge. The lights dim to a flickering red as the film's signature Nostromo self-destruct sirens blare.) Okay, now it just got fuckin' scary!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''AVGN''': Quality ass? QUALITY ASS? That sums up the whole thing. There is no quality assurance with this shitload of fuck. This game is as much fun as a witch's cunt. It's a shame that there was never a good Alien game on NES. Oh, wait. Actually, I take it back. There were some good Alien games on NES. They're called Contra and Metroid! Yeah. You know, it's not the worst LJN game, I have to say, nor is it even that bad of an NES game. It's playable, as much as the movie is watchable. Huh. Maybe that's what they were going for. In that sense, they got it right. It may not be a pile of goat puke-smothered buffalo diarrhea, it's just a pile of goat puke; hold the buffalo diarrhea. I don't even know if buffaloes get diarrhea. But it pains me to know that there's still more LJN games out there, and I just can't take it. I can't fuckin' take it anymore! (He leaves. Cut to the ending scene where he jumps off the platform and falls into the lava pits below. He cries out in agony as the Cinemassacre logo bursts through his chest.)

=== AVGN Games ===
:'''The Nerd:''' You know, there's been many games based on the ''Angry Video Game Nerd.'' Which is me. Yeah. All these years, while I've been busy playing shitty games, people have been making games about myself. There's been so many games about me, I can't even keep up. Unlike the majority of games I've ripped apart, these ones were made by independent game developers, usually single-handedly, all by themselves, and hopefully they will have growing careers and aspire to make better games than a whole company of Laughin' Jokin' Numbnuts ever could. ''[referring to LJN.]'' Another thing that makes these games different from the games I usually play, is that I have to play them on a computer. ''[The Nerd looks at the Commodore 64.]'' Hmm. ''[shrugs his shoulders.]'' Well, anyway, the first AVGN game I'm gonna look at is: ''The Angry Video Game'' by Eric Ruth. This was the first AVGN game that ever came to my attention back in 2008. You might be wondering: what took me so long to get around to it? Well, the answer is simple: That's how long it took to load it on my Commodore 64!

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:'''8-Bit Nerd:''' ''[a tombstone appears where the 8-Bit Nerd died, with only the word '''&quot;FUCK&quot;''' on it.]'' I'm dead! Fuck!
:'''The Nerd:''' Is that going to be my epitaph? ''[camera zooms in on tombstone]'' '''''&quot;FUCK&quot;?''''' 

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:'''The Nerd:''' The weapon is the worst thing of all. The beers fly in an arc, so, you have to get in the right spot to calculate the trajectory, and everything blocks your aim. Fuck, fuck! I can't hit this fuckin' fish! '''''Fuck! Dah!''''' These beers are like the rock in ''Friday the 13th,'' and I already told you how bad that is. ''[his eyes widen in horror, as he looks at the screen]'' Oh, no. Is that why the game was designed this way? All the random enemies and all those things, it's because those are the kind of things I complained about. '''''This game is all my fault.''''' ''[groans in disgust]''

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:'''The Nerd:''' It takes a lot of extra effort to put a game on a real cartridge, so how could you resist ''AVGN vs. Dr. Wily'' by ABOhiccups? 
:''[the screen scrolls up along a skyscraper, exactly the same as in Mega Man 2's opening.]''
:'''The Nerd''': It's gonna be me, isn't it? It's gonna be me. ''[a sprite of The Nerd is on the top of the skyscraper, instead of Mega Man.]'' Yeah, that's me!
:'''The Nerd''': So basically, it's ''Mega Man 2,'' but instead of Mega Man, it's me. I'm in ''Mega Man 2,'' one of the best games ever made, and I'm ''in'' it! If I could've foreseen that as a kid, I would have shit my pants. The other difference is that the levels are redesigned to be way harder than the original game.

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:'''The Nerd''': After the tutorial, you get a selection of stages. Clearly, it's the largest AVGN game yet. I'm using an Xbox controller, and the controls feel 100% fluent. There is no doubt about it: this is a legitimate sidescroller; proving that the genre is still alive and strong. We don't even need to go back to the past, we're still in the past. And why is the music so ''fuckin' awesome?''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': The death screen always generates a random quote, saves me the work of trying to come up with something. Let's try ''Dungeons &amp; Dickholes.'' ''[in-game Nerd descends a ladder, and the next screen scrolls down to reveal an impossible death trap, shocking The Nerd]'' '''''Now''''' this is going too far. When I came up with this idea during my Super Pitfall episode, I didn't know somebody would actually create this exaggerated death trap. I can't even blame anyone but myself. ''I'' came up with this! What was I ''thinking?!''

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:'''The Nerd''': And at the heart of it all, the final boss, my arch-nemesis. It's, '''''it's'''''...Fred Fuchs. ''[spelled &quot;Fred Fucks&quot; in-game.]'' It's the programmer, motherfucking Fred Fuchs. Finally, I get to kick his ass! Yeah, fuck you, Fred Fuchs! ''[growls]'' '''''FUCKS YOU, FRED FUCH!''''' ''[screams, and beats Fred Fuchs as he grunts]'' Got 'im! ''[in-game Nerd's text says, &quot;Oh shit, Game Land is falling apart!!&quot;]''
:'''The Nerd''': Whew! I feel like I played every bad game I ever played, all at once. And now others are playing it, because of me! It's like I shared all my horrible experiences. It's all my fault! '''''FUCK THIS GAME!'''''
:''[he Nerd imagines the many ways he's destroyed previous game cartridges. He moves in to strangle the Commodore 64, but stops once he realizes he can't destroy the game like that. Instead, the Nerd types a delete command and deletes the game once and for all, with a heavy, satisfying mash of the Enter key as the Commodore's screen reads: '''*FILE DELETED*.''']''
:'''The Nerd''': Take '''''that,''''' game.

=== AVGN Wish List (Part 1) ===

:'''AVGN''': ''(on Where's Waldo)'' It's as if the pages of the book have been chewed up, digested, and shat out an 8-bit ass! How can you find Waldo in ''this?!'' WHERE THE FUCK ''IS'' WALDO?! ''He'' doesn't even know where he is!

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:'''AVGN''': ''(after he plays the NES version of Where's Waldo)'' Imagine buying this piece of shit for 50 bucks. Nowadays, releasing a game this short would never be excusable. Well, anyway, we have a lot more games to get through, so stay tuned for Part 2. I'm gonna go get the games. ''[he walks around in different directions like Waldo in the cutscenes]''

=== AVGN Wish List (Part 2) ===
:'''The Nerd''': ''The Three Stooges.'' This has always been a huge request. I've dreaded this moment for a long time. ''[powers on the game, which displays the title screen for Ghostbusters II]'' What? ''Ghostbusters II?''
:''[The Three Stooges walk onto the title screen, and stop in front of the Ghostbusters logo]''
:'''Curly''': Hey, fellas. We're in the wrong game.
:'''Larry''': Hey, this looks like a kid's game.
:'''The Nerd''': ''[smiling]'' Now, ''that's'' funny.
:'''Moe''': You imbeciles!
:'''The Nerd''': I've always been a big fan of ''The Three Stooges,'' but the game's charm ends right after the title screen.

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:'''The Nerd''': [reviews ''[[w:Home Improvement: Power Tool Pursuit!|Home Improvement]]''] How do you take a family sitcom and turn it into a video game? Well, the plot starts out with Tim &quot;The Toolman&quot; Taylor on the set of his show, Tool Time. Remember the show within the show? So, his tools go missing, and he has to go onto the sets of other shows to find them.
:'''The Nerd''': I'd give this game a better chance if I could read the instructions. The instructions might help, right? Yeah, guess what, there is none. Technically not. The manual opens up to a fake sticker printed over the pages that says &quot;'''REAL MEN DON'T NEED INSTRUCTIONS'''&quot;! Very funny.

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:'''The Nerd''': ''[playing [[w:Pit-Fighter|Pit Fighter]] on SNES]'' As a kid, I never made it past the second guy. Even as a rental, it only made for about fifteen minutes of play-ability, if that, before ya turn it off and take it back to the video store. And I know it ''has'' to give you your health back at some point, but I've just made it to the fourth opponent, and still, they don't give you any health back. ''This is the worst Super NES game I've ever played!'' Worse than [[w:Super 3D Noah's Ark|Super Noah's Ark 3D]], worse than [[w:Shaq-Fu|Shaq-Fu]], worse than [[w:The Wizard of Oz (1993 video game)|Wizard of Oz]], worse than [[w:Lester the Unlikely|Lester the Unlikely]]! I am dead fucking serious! Even B-mode [[w:Double Dragon|Double Dragon]] was better than this, and that was on NES. Sure, it gets monotonous, and awkward at times, and you can only play as the same characters fighting themselves, but, it has much more fluid control and is ''way'' more fun than Pit Fighter.

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:'''The Nerd''': ''[after he plays [[w:Bubsy 3D|Bubsy 3D: Furbitten Planet]] for the PlayStation]'' Most of the games I own are junk. I'm hoarding junk! '''''I SURROUNDED MYSELF WITH FUCKING GARBAGE!''''' ''[sighs]'' All right, one more game, and then it's Happy Holidays and good fucking night. Let's end with ''[[w:Spider-Man and Venom: Maximum Carnage|Spider-Man: Maximum Carnage]],'' on Super Nintendo. Everyone says I should play this one, as if I haven't already played ''enough'' Spider-Man games. They're all '''''terrible!''''' But, maybe this one's okay. After all, I'm not sure how I missed it, because it's one of the only Super NES games that's red. Anyway, let's give it a try.
:'''The Nerd''': Well, the comic book cutscenes are, quite nice. The gameplay? Well, it's a beat-em-up game. Monotonous, but fun. The controls are responsive, and the hit detection works fine. The sound effects are good, the punches and grunts you hear all lend themselves to the fun, stress-relieving nature of these kind of games. It just feels good when you hit things. You can climb up on buildings, which offers some variety and breaks up the monotony. It can be a little frustrating, but not too bad. And the music is upbeat and energizing.
:'''The Nerd''': And what do I hear? ''[&quot;The Mob Rules&quot; by Black Sabbath plays]'' It's ''The Mob Rules,'' by Black Sabbath! I don't mean it just sounds similar, it's the '''''same song,''''' just a 16-bit rendition. It even does the solo! ''[16-bit rendition of Black Sabbath's &quot;The Mob Rules&quot; solo playing]'' I think it was just a rip-off, and that they never got Black Sabbath's permission, but it's still welcome to hear and adds to this games' enjoy-ability.
:'''The Nerd''': That's right. I found a good Spider-Man game. Better late than never. It's no masterpiece or anything like that, but it would have definitely been worth a rental at the very least. Who made this game?
:''[The Nerd turns over the box, revealing that is was published by...'''LJN!''' The Nerd's eyes widen in shock, and he drops the box in happiness realizing that LJN pulled through and published a decent game for once!]''
:''[&quot;White Storm Dam&quot; plays]''
:'''The Nerd''': ''[in shock and happiness]'' My God. Oh, my God. '''''THEY DID IT... THEY PULLED THROUGH!'' OH, MY ''GOD!'' THEY MADE A GAME... ''THAT'S NOT A STEAMING PILE OF FUCKIN' SHIT!'' OH, MY ''GOD!'' THEY DID IT! THEY MADE A GAME THAT'S NOT SHIT!''' I found a gold, at the end of the rainbow-- Oh, maybe it's not gold, maybe it's bronze or somethin', but... '''''THEY MADE A GAME THAT'S NOT SHIT! IT'S NOOOT SHIIIIIT!'''''

== Season Eight ==
=== [[w:Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing|Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing]] ===
:'''AVGN''': This time, we're not gonna go too far back into the past. Only to 2003 with a PC game called ''[[w:Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing|Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing]]''. I usually stick to consoles, and I ''don't'' usually do games from the current millennium, but this is a huge request. I've been told countless times that it's one of the worst, if not ''the worst game'' ever made, but I'm sure that's an exaggeration. It just looks like a generic mediocre racing game with trucks. And it's from the new millennium, well after the pioneering days of gaming, after the ETs and Jekyll and Hydes, after the advent of quality control, so how bad could it be? Let's find out. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''AVGN''': ''[upon first experiencing the games lack of collision detection and physics]'' Soooo...what are the complaints here? This is ''awesome!''
:'''AVGN:''' &quot;Big Rigs: Over The Road Racing&quot;. &quot;Over the road&quot; is right! It's my way or the highway, and the highway ain't got shit. Oh my god...

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''AVGN''': I'm not trying to find glitches! It just so happens that the ''whole game'' is a glitch! Look at this picture here; the hill turned into nothing, the tail lights are flying off the truck and this bridge is hovering over thin air! The support beams are ''so'' close to touching the ground, but don't. ''(His truck is pushed up through a bridge and he sees his opponent standing still)'' The fuck was that? Oh, by the way, that's the computer opponent who's still at the start line. Never moved. I'm literally running circles around him. Y'know, I kinda forgot I was in a race here. That ''is'' the purpose of the game. It doesn't matter which stage you're playing. The opponent always stalls at the start line and never moves an inch. You can spend the whole time driving through buildings, over mountains, and under bridges, and still win the race. What kind of challenge is that? Have you ever heard of a video game where you can't lose? How did the programmers ''forget to make the trucks move?'' Let's see if I can merge the trucks into one. (He tries to line his truck up with the opponent) Here we go. Eh, eh... ''(He succeeds)'' Yeah! That's some fine work. ''(He drives off and makes a whoosh sound)'' 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''AVGN''': This is the most unstable game I've ever played in my life. And would you believe, that the copy I own is ''a more recent'' version of the game? Yeah. The version that most people have played is commonly found on the internet, and is even ''less'' functional! In this version, one of the stages doesn't even work. If you try to pick this stage, it crashes the whole game. Not that it's any loss. It looks the same as any other stage. The truck you're racing against doesn't do anything different. It still sits there, waits for you to lap it and cross the finish line. Here we go. ''(He crosses the finish line, and the game text reads: &quot;YOU'RE WINNER!&quot; He looks at it in shock and snorts, and begins snickering.)'' Oh, no. No. ''(laughs humorously)'' Oh, no! No! ''(laughs even more humorously)'' &quot;You're Winner&quot; is the kind of stuff that turns horrible games into legend. It's the cherry on top the diarrhea shake. It's already been a popular internet meme for many years, but in the packaged version of the game that I own, it's been corrected to &quot;You win.&quot; Disappointing, I know.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''AVGN''': But there's at least one other version of this game, a newer one - version 3 as far as my knowledge goes - but anyway this one has a major advancement. ''Really'' big. Check this out; the other truck moves. Wow. No fuck. It's like we're actually having a race here. I'm gonna let him win just to see what happens. I hope it says &quot;You're a lose&quot; or something like that. Here we go. ''[Crosses the finish line, &quot;You win&quot; screen pops up. The Nerd looks in confusion]'' What happened?! How did I win?! Apparently, the other truck driver just decided to stop a little short. In other words; you can't lose! Why did they bother to release a new version if they didn't even fix the most basic thing?! But hey, the truck moves! So maybe this improvement pushes the game into the... pre-alpha stage. At best!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''AVGN''': These monumental blunders distract from all the regular flaws which would already be enough to fill any shitty game; most of the stages look similar, there's little variety, there are no sound effects other than the engine of the truck, the tail lights are fixated on the back of the trailer doors and they look like someone made them in Photoshop with a basic brush tool! Want me to prove it? ''[Creates tail lights exactly like the ones in Big Rigs in Photoshop]'' There you go. The street is always breaking up like the Glitch Gremlin paved over it, certain light posts are given strange colours that stick out from the rest of the game, the [[w:Arc de Triomphe|Arc de Triomphe]] appears twice in a row in a geographically inaccurate area, the trucks are referred to as &quot;cars&quot;, the &quot;Ultranav&quot; points you get from crossing checkpoints don't always go in order - what the fuck is &quot;Ultranav&quot; anyway? The timer goes outside the box and on top of all that the box that the game comes in is a '''complete lie'''! Never do the police chase after you. Maybe if that was just the front artwork, that would be excusable, but the back says, &quot;You'll be hauling loads and trying to stay one step ahead of the law.&quot; &quot;Deliver your load to its destination.&quot;

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:'''AVGN''': What are they talking about? That never happens! Oh, no, no, I stand corrected. This game &quot;delivers a load&quot; all right - '''load of fucking shit'''! I'll deliver a load '''all over this fucking game'''! It's not even a game. It doesn't count as a game. If it were a game, you could lose. But you can't! It's nothing but win! &quot;You're winner!&quot; It's like the game feels sorry for you! [He drinks Rolling Rock]

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:'''AVGN''': This is not even ''close'' to a finished game - if you can call it a game. It's the '''worst game ever made'''! And I've played a lot, what is this, episode 118? So that is a big statement, but I'm '''DEAD FUCKING SERIOUS'''. It isn't as frustrating as Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, no no, it's not as bad of an experience as that, but in terms of functionality, this is an all time low.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''AVGN''': You can't release something that's not finished! Who looked at this? I mean, who looked at THIS and thought, &quot;Yeah, that's OK. Put that out.&quot;? There's credits, which suggest that actual human beings were behind this. More than one. What were they thinking? Why would anyone want their name on this thing, and did any single one of them look at this and think &quot;Maybe there's still some work left to do?&quot;

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''AVGN''': By the year 2003, wouldn't there have been some kind of quality control? Even the worst games from the 70's had some playability. I would have assumed that Big Rigs was just some test game. Some kind of demo that a college student made, not an actual game that got sold in stores. It-it couldn't have been sold in stores. But, apparently, it did. This is the box. It came in a box! And it was rated by the ESRB! Someone from the ESRB looked at this game and gave it a rating! I know it's not their job to judge the quality of the game, but somebody looked at this and thought &quot;Wow. This is '''shit'''. But, E.&quot; Imagine buying this game, thinking it's gonna be a cool racing game, then you bring it home and play it and you get this. It's like a cruel prank. They should've recalled this game and gave out refunds. Imagine advertising this sort of thing. Imagine putting a commercial on TV for this shitload of fuck. I wonder what it would've been like. Hmm. (He imagines a TV commercial for &quot;Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing.&quot;)

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Mock advertisement, featuring gameplay footage, over the top production and a heavily tattooed James Rolfe wearing sunglasses, acting as a trucker]''
:'''Trucker''': Hey, kids! Strap yourself in for some action packed racing!
:'''Voice over''': It's Big Rigs!
:'''Trucker''': Eighteen wheels of thunder, and we've got '''trucks'''! Yeah... trucks!
:'''Voice over''': Big Rigs!
:'''Trucker''': Off-road traction! More power for non-stop driving action!
:'''Voice over''': Big Rigs!
:'''Trucker''': Over the Road Racing! Under the road, over the road, who knows?
:'''Voice over''': Big Rigs!
:'''Trucker''': Never lose a race again, You're always winner!
:'''Voice over''': With '''Big Rigs'''!
:'''Trucker''': Engines equipped with quantum phasing molecular mechanics to pass through solid objects so as to not interrupt the racing experience! '''Nothing''' stands in your way!
:'''Voice over''': When you're '''Big Rigs'''!
:'''Trucker''': Rear spinning tires with warp-drive velocity for interdimensional exploring! Leave the game behind and exceed the boundaries of existence!
:'''Voice over''': '''Big motherFUCKin' Riiiiiiggs'''!
:'''Trucker''': Drivin' around in fuckin' trucks!
:'''Voice over''': '''BIIIIIIIIG MOOTHHHERRRRRFUCCCCKIN' RIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGS'''!!! Big Rigs.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''AVGN''': Well, there's one last thing left to find out. How fast can you go in reverse? Let's push the limits. (He drives in reverse, gaining speed quickly) The truck's fucking the ground. (The Nerd feels like he's traveling the speed of light, and the truck's engine noise becomes high pitched. He covers his ears) That noise! That noise, how high can it go?! [[Spaceballs|Light speed! Ludicrous speed! We've gone to plaid.]] (Screams wildly) '''''I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! WE GOTTA STOP!''''' (Releases the reverse key as the chair flies back, crashes into the video room) Oh, shit, oh, shit, oh, shit!

=== [[w:Penn &amp; Teller's Smoke and Mirrors|Desert Bus]] ===
:'''The Nerd''': There was a game that was said to be even worse than ''[[w:Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing|Big Rigs]]''. It was also a driving game and it's called [[w:Penn &amp; Teller's Smoke and Mirrors|Desert Bus]]. It was so unspeakable that it was cancelled before it was even released. It was one of six games included in Penn &amp; Teller's Smoke and Mirrors for the Sega CD. That's right, Penn &amp; Teller were behind this. And if you haven't heard of them, well, how do I sum it up? Basically, they're two of the greatest entertainers of our time. They mix magic and comedy, they perform it live, they defy physics, they're funny as hell, they attack bullshit, and they've been doing it for nearly 40 years.

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:'''The Nerd''': ''[while he explains about [[w:Penn &amp; Teller's Smoke and Mirrors|Penn &amp; Teller's Smoke and Mirrors]]]'' Of course the game was never released, but prior to its cancellation, it appeared on the Sega Visions magazine, and even made the front cover. The true reason it was cancelled was because the company, [[w:Absolute Entertainment|Absolute]], went out of business. But like anything, the game found its way onto the Internet and has been circulated, people have played it, and it's become sort of a cult hit.

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:'''The Nerd''': ''This'' is the game. You drive, drive, and drive. There's nothing out there, except for road and sand. Occasionally, there's a rock, or a sign. But that's it. There's no passengers to interact with, no music on the radio, nothing to keep you occupied, the road never turns, there's no other vehicles, and there's absolutely nothing. You can open the door with the B button. Basically, it makes a sound effect. That's a little something you can do to entertain yourself. ''[presses the B button as the bus opens the door]'' The bus can't go any faster than 45 miles per hour. I don't know why. Maybe Dennis Hopper has a bomb on it or something, so, there's no hope of speeding up this test of human attention span. So, how long is this trip? It's 360 miles to Las Vegas; at 45 miles per hour, that would mean eight hours. ''[his jaw drops open]'' '''''THIS IS A FUCKING EIGHT-HOUR GAME!''''' Whoever needs to take a road trip when you can simulate the whole experience in real-time on your Sega CD! ''[chuckles sarcastically]'' Aw, what were they thinking?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': Well, if we're gonna do this, we're gonna need several bathroom breaks. Let's pause it. ''[he tries to pause the game, but it honks the bus horn]'' What? The start button blows the horn. ''[he presses the Start button again and honks the bus horn again]'' There is no pause. You just have to keep driving! I wonder how many people have pissed their pants while playing this?! You can't even stop to get something to eat! The manual (and yes, there is a manual) says &quot;No, it's not an oversight. Does your life have a pause control?&quot;
:''[The Nerd chuckles weakly, groans angrily and is about to drink a Rolling Rock, but puts it aside]''
:'''The Nerd''': I'm drivin'. ''(hangs an air freshener on the camera)''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': But I'll never have the patience to get that far. I'll never even get a single point. Just gotta hold your thumb on this button for so long. ''[gets an idea]'' Wait. ''[exclaims and uses a clamp to hold down the A button, just like in The Terminator (NES) episode]'' How do you like ''that'' trick, Penn &amp; Teller? If you can't beat the game, let the game beat itself.
:''[The Nerd walks away, and the bus is still driving, gradually veering off the right side of the road. The Nerd returns and sees what is going on]''
:'''The Nerd''': What, what? The fuck?! ''[grunts and tries to continue driving the bus, but is unable to]'' It's stuck! The bus is stuck in the sand. ''[The Nerd looks at the screen at in disbelief and sighs deeply.]'' They made the bus veer to the right on purpose. ''[groans]'' They thought of everything. Goddamn you, Penn and Teller! ''[the bus runs out of gas]'' You have to sit here and drive the bus, just like in real life, and real life fucking sucks. ''[the tow truck noises are heard]'' Now I'm getting towed. Oh, boy. The towing is in real-time also! So, if you've driven 7 hours, does it take 7 hours for the game to start over? This is the most sadistic thing ever! There's no fun factor whatsoever. This makes ''Big Rigs'' look like a fucking party. ''Big Rigs'' isn't even a game, it has no challenge whatsoever, but here, the challenge comes from trying to stay awake from boredom!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': For the past 10 years, I've been on a mission to warn the world of shitty games. And in all those years, this one takes the cake. I think I've finally hit the bottom of the barrel! ''[swats away at the car air freshener tree]'' The fact that a game like this could come into existence and that people have played it and suffered through it and even adapted it into an Atari 2600 game, means that I failed. ''[throws down the Sega Genesis controller]'' I've done everything I can. It's time to retire. ''[a black and white montage is shown of various clips from previous Angry Video Game Nerd episodes, while a piano version of the Angry Video Game Nerd Theme plays. The Nerd goes to his NES collection and pulls out &quot;Castlevania II: Simon's Quest&quot;, but puts it back and pulls out a game, which says &quot;Castlevania II: Simon's Quest Redaction&quot;, beside it. The Nerd shrugs.]'' One more. For old time's sake.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': ''[playing Castlevania II: Simon's Quest Redaction]'' This game is a hack of Castlevania II by The Almighty Guru, as I said 10 years ago, the original game is full of problems.
:'''The Nerd from Castlevania II: Simon's Quest review''': How would you ever figure out that you're supposed to throw an oak stake at that orb?
:'''The Nerd''': One of the biggest problems in the game is how cryptic it is, and how none of the townspeople tell you anything that's useful. Instead of giving you clues like any other kind of adventure or RPG game, they just give you a bunch of nonsensical riddles. But here, in Castlevania II: Redaction, we have... real clues! Yeah! All the dialogue's been fixed, and now, it actually makes sense. I can't believe that somebody's actually been trying to fix this shitload of fuck. But what about the day-to-night transitions?
:'''The Nerd from Castlevania II: Simon's Quest review''': Why did they think that that would be a good idea and interrupt the gameplay? Did they think it would be more realistic? I mean, in real-life I don't have to stop in my tracks when the sun sets and a fuckin' box doesn't pop up in the air.
:''[In &quot;Castlevania II: Simon's Quest Redaction&quot;, the box, which says, '''&quot;THE MORNING SUN HAS VANQUISHED THE HORRIBLE NIGHT.&quot;''' appears, and the text moves faster, and so does the day-to-night transition. The Nerd is stunned.]''
:'''The Nerd''': Wow, that was fast. I wish it was that fast in the original game. I wish it didn't happen at all, but hey, that's an improvement. In general, all the text moves a lot faster. I'm really digging the clues. It even tells me stuff I never even knew, like using Dracula's nail to take out blocks. ''[Simon destroys a block with Dracula's nail on his flame whip]'' I had no idea you could do that.
:'''The Nerd from Castlevania II: Simon's Quest review''': He doesn't look anything like Dracula. Instead, he looks like a Grim Reaper.
:'''The Nerd''': Even Dracula's face has been changed. It's still annoying how long it takes to collect hearts to buy stuff, and also those annoying invisible platforms are still there, but all these improvements are a good start. The most annoying cryptic thing of all, is how it never tells ya how to pass through the wall.
:'''The Nerd from his Castlevania II: Simon's Quest review''': Would you guess that you're supposed to pass through this wall? You need to have a red crystal selected, and be kneeling down, and wait a little while before this magic tornado comes and takes you to the next part of the game.
:''[In &quot;Castlevania II: Simon's Quest Redaction&quot;, the Nerd breaks a wall to find a clue, which says, '''&quot;KNEEL AT THE END OF THE WASTES WITH THE RED CRYSTAL.&quot;''', leaving him stunned. Then he drops the controller with happiness and shock.]''
:'''The Nerd''': I've wanted to see that clue ever since I first played this. I've complained about it. Did uh... Did... my, my complaints... ring a bell? Did, did... did, uh.. Was.. w-- has the word of the Nerd been heard?! Have I contributed to how we look back at bad games? I've done it! It's not in vain! There is no retirement, the show must go on, I must continue reviewing shitty games because that's what the world needs! But where do I go from here?
:''[another montage of previous Angry Video Game Nerd clips are shown.]''
:'''The Nerd''': I've had so many adventures within these four walls. I need to take the adventure outside! I need to go do something bigger! Something to top everything that I've already done! ''[sighs]'' But how do I do that?
:''[The Nerd thinks, then stares into the camera and nods as the episode ends, hinting at [[w:Angry Video Game Nerd: The Movie|Angry Video Game Nerd: The Movie]].]''

=== [[w:E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial (video game)|E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial]] ===
:'''The Nerd''': ''E.T.'' on Atari 2600. To begin with, it's not a game you just pick up and play. Most games this generation were very simple. Shoot a bunch of aliens, climb to the top of the screen, stop missiles or chomp down all the pellets, but E.T. is an enigma. With all these random symbols appearing at the top of the screen and falling in holes all the time, it's no wonder why gamers did not understand how to play this game. You have to read the instruction manual. So, once you understand how to play the game... '''IT ''STILL'' FUCKIN' SUCKS!'''

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:'''The Nerd''': [after he completes the game] Phew! So, is it really the worst game of all time? Umm... I don't think so. It's frustrating, i-it's challenging, and it's a brainteaser... but, that's what makes it so addicting. And considering it was made in such a short period of time, it's more sophisticated than anything of its era. Raiders of the Lost Ark was just as strange and cryptic and that game was met with glowing praise. Both of these games came with instruction manuals. Now I can understand kids just wanting to pick up a game and enjoy it without having to read anything but, if you could understand Raiders, you could understand E.T. So what was it that gave this game such a reputation? I can't answer that. It's just something that happened... it's something we needed. Is there something mystical about the game? (The Nerd nods) There is. It's... a floor plan to Area 51 as well as an access key and every cartridge contained a piece of the alien ship, sure, but, forget about all of that! The mystical thing about all these old craptastic games is that, they somehow... hold a place in our hearts... and bring us back to that special time when we were kids, and that's the power of the classics... and... the not-so classics that we love to hate.

=== [[w:Beetlejuice (video game)|Beetlejuice]] ===
:'''The Nerd''': ''[[w:Beetlejuice|Beetlejuice]]''. You know, great classic Tim Burton movie from the 80's starring Michael Keaton? At the time, it was probably one of the darkest and quirkiest comedies to get mainstream attention. It was a big deal; it had a cartoon show, and of course a video game, on the good old NES. With a movie that employs such a wide scope of imagination where anything can happen, that gives a lot of possibilities for a game. So I bet this could be great. Unless... ''[he reveals on the box that it was published by LJN, the company notorious for publishing horrible movie-based games on NES.]'' '''''OHHHH, COME ON! WHY, WHY, WHY?! WHY?! NO-NO-NO--''''' ''[screams angrily]'' Of course! It was made by LJN. Made by LJN. You know, that's something everyone's always trying to correct me about. LJN was not a game developer, they were a publisher that contracted other companies to develop the games. I know that, but that doesn't change the fact, that every time this logo appears on a game it's guaranteed to be ass! If LJN published it, they still made it. It's an LJN game. So technically, this one was developed by Rare. Meaning it's a Rare fucking day when LJN makes a game that's not a 12-foot tall mound of dog shit! Rare was the same company that made ''Donkey Kong Country'', and ''Killer Instinct''! So, maybe we can have high hopes that this'll be okay... but on the other hand, Rare also developed other LJN &quot;classics&quot; such as ''Roger Rabbit'', ''Nightmare on Elm Street'', and made ''Battletoads'', which is one of the worst two-player games of all time. So, how does ''Beetlejuice'' hold up? Let's turn on the juice, and see what shakes loose.

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:'''The Nerd''': You know, what I'd rather do is trap a bunch of beetles in a jar, smush 'em with a lemon squeezer, and drain their juice into a shot glass. And no, I didn't say anything about drinking it.

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:'''The Nerd''': I think the game has more to do with the star than the movie; I mean the star in the sky, the real Betelgeuse. It's a red super-giant that's going to explode one day. Does that not accurately describe the feeling you get from playing this piece of shit? This particular star is always pulsating; it's so inconsistent that it's sometimes called the ninth brightest star in the sky, but usually the tenth. These fluctuations in inconsistencies are exactly what they were going for with the unpredictable nature of this game. When you're flying all over the place like a spring-loaded turd in a pinball machine, that's just like the star itself, how it's been speculated to have changed course at one time or another, possibly because a nearby stellar explosion, or in this case, a fuckin' bug. I mean, here we have a game where what exists outside the edge in the screen could take effect or not; the absence of visibility will result in death, whereas the existence of something harmful but not visible will still be in effect! Is it any coincidence that a game with no definable boundaries would have such a distinct relation to a star with optical emissions that vary, making it hard to define the photosphere? Or what about how the star is surrounded by a circumstellar envelope made up of matter that's been ejected from the star, kinda like a mass of bees coming out of a beehive, and making an outer field around the hive? Betelgeuse is part of the constellation of Orion. That's what the ancient Greeks viewed it as but of course today we all know that's actually a skeleton shooting a fireball. Why would Betelgeuse be on the shoulder? Well, quite simply, anyone who's played this game as a kid has a chip on their shoulder whenever you bring up the name! And at last the game was released in May. That's the same month when Betelgeuse can be seen over the western horizon after sunset for only a brief period of time. Likewise, it was Western US gamers who played this right after sunset when their homework was done, and it was only for a brief period before they threw it to the ground, beneath the horizon. So yes, I'm convinced the game was based on the star, and not the movie... or you could just say they fucked it up, and took too much liberty with the source material. We'll call this &quot;Freeform Fuckery&quot;.

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:'''The Nerd''': And at last, let's talk about the music. Don't expect to hear the familiar dark, mischievous Danny Elfman theme, no. In the tradition of all LJN games, they give ya somethin' original. ''[a snippet of the music plays]'' What kind of horseshit is this? This doesn't set the tone at all! It would be fine for other games. This is something you should hear if you're jumping around blowing bubbles in magic fairy-tale land, not a dark Tim Burton nightmare world. It would be like listening to... I don't know, the soundtrack to ''Mary Poppins'' while watching ''Requiem for a Dream''? For this kind of inappropriate game soundtrack, we'll call it... &quot;Bad Music&quot;. In conclusion, I could say the game is ass. It's a steaming pile of goat shit, horrible abomination of mankind, but the perfect way to sum it up... is it's an LJN game. It doesn't matter who actually developed it, they were hired by LJN. The welcome letter probably said something like this. &quot;Welcome to our team of Laughing Joking Numbnuts. Here at LJN, we strive in creating the world's leading shitfests and providing to our customers the greatest raping of all their favorite films. We value your addition in helping us continue to grow the black plague of today's generation of gaming. Enclosed, you will find our handbook of policies and procedures in developing games with &quot;Bouncing Bullshit&quot;, &quot;Perpendicular Dick Ploys&quot;, &quot;Bitch Barriers&quot;, &quot;Inanimate Anal Assassinations&quot;, &quot;Fruitless Farts&quot;, &quot;Diarrhetic Diversions&quot;, &quot;Freeform Fuckery&quot;, &quot;Pinpoint Piss Taking&quot;, &quot;Rat Trap Crap Shoots&quot; and &quot;Bad Music&quot;. We are proud to have you on board.&quot; Well, fuck this game, watch it go! ''[places the cartridge on the floor and smashes it to pieces with his foot]'' Hyah! Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice! It's showtime! I've seen ''The Exorcist'' 167 times, it keeps getting funnier every fucking time! Happy Halloween, motherfucker!

== The Twelve Days of Shitsmas ==

=== 1. [[w:Colorful Dragon|Tagin' Dragon]] ===
:'''AVGN''': Well, it's Christmas time, again, already, and that means... more shitty games for me. And I have a pretty big pile here, thanks to all you. All requests, a despicable dozen, and we are going to savor these juicy turds one day at a time. Because this is the 8th Christmas since I first started doing these Christmas specials, so we're going to do something a little different, a little excessive. 12 Days...of Shitsmas.

=== 2. [[w:ALF (video game)|ALF]] ===
:'''AVGN''': [After he opens a present] Oh no, it's ''[[w:ALF (video game)|ALF]]'' on the Sega Master System. Of course, it's based on the TV sitcom from the '80s. I used to love that show, just for the fact that the star character was a puppet. Ah yes, the loveable Alien Life Form &quot;ALF&quot; or Gordon Shumway who crash lands on Earth and lives with the Tanner family, not the Tanners from Full House. The goal is to collect special items to get his spaceship working so he can leave Earth and go home, along the way, having to avoid FBI agents who are out to get him. This is all strangely reminiscent of E.T. on Atari 2600. (Zoom in on an FBI agent) These guys are creepy, they look like pedophiles, perverts, child molesters. The way they're dressed in stereotypical trenchcoats and grabbing at the air, as if saying &quot;Come on ALF, I got some candy. I don't wanna hurt you, I just wanna... grope your little alien ass.&quot; (The FBI agent follows ALF into the kitchen) GET OUT OF MY KITCHEN YOU FUCKING SICKO!

=== 3. CrazyBus ===

:'''AVGN''': There's no goal unless you can see how high you can rack up the score. In other words, how long can you hold the D-Pad for! You like that game? You don't even need the game, just the controller and a timer! It would be more fun to stare at the wall! I have a whole new appreciation for Desert Bus! Big Rigs is more exciting than this shit! This broke the shit scale. This is a whole new higher level. First there's poop, then there's shit and then there's...DEFACATION!!

=== 4. [[w:The Ren &amp; Stimpy Show: Fire Dogs|Ren and Stimpy: Fire Dogs]] ===

=== 5. [[w:The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle and Friends (video game)|Rocky and Bullwinkle]] ===
:'''AVGN''': '''''EAT THIS, BITCH! YOU DON'T WANNA FUCK WITH A MOOSE THROWING BOMBS!'''''
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:'''AVGN''': Well there you have it, Rocky and Bullwinkle. Shitty game, shitty graphics, shitty music, shitty everything! Fucking big, clumsy moose! Bullwinkle, (Does a Bullwinkle impression) I'm Bullwinkle! '''MORE LIKE BULL FUCKING SHIT!'''

=== 6. [[w:List of Mary-Kate and Ashley video games|Mary-Kate and Ashley: Get A Clue]] ===

=== 7. [[w:V.I.P. (TV series)|V.I.P with Pamela Anderson]] ===
:'''AVGN''': This is a scumbag's idea of a game. &quot;Let's get some slutty girls and give 'em guns, huh huh!&quot;

=== 8. [[w:Lethal Weapon (video game)|Lethal Weapon]] ===

:'''AVGN''': Let me give you some advice. Never play a movie based game. You know why? Okay, okay. They FUCK you with the movie games! They FUCK you, they FUCK you! They know that you're going to buy the game and by the time you play the game and realize that you got fucked, it's too late. They don't care! And after fucking you, they fuck you some more. Who got fucked? The ones who bought the game. The ones who rented it were the lucky ones. They fuck you with the graphics, fuck you with the music, fuck you with the gameplay, they FUCK you, they FUCK you, they FUCK you! Walk off screen to select the character. That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard of. That would be if I just walked off screen right now and somebody else came in.
:''[AVGN leaves the room and Mike Matei comes in the room to take his place]''
:'''Mike Matei''': I'm getting too old for this shit. ''[starts playing]''

=== 9. [[w:Porky's|Porky's]] ===

:'''AVGN''': What an experience Pee-Wee had. Can you imagine the story he has to tell? &quot;I was walking down the street. Narrowly avoiding a speedboat, a submarine on wheels, a parade of naked Dr. Seuss characters, a rabbit pig and dudes in cars. I fell down into a pond where I swung around on a pole and build a ladder up into a girls locker room shower with this weird blobby ghost tried to grab my dick. I DROPPED A BUNCH OF PYRO EQUIPMENT DOWN THE SAME HOLE THAT LEADS TO THE POND BUT SOMEHOW ENDED UP ON TOP A BUNCH OF SCAFFOLDING WHERE I WENT UP AND FINISHED IT ALL UP WITH A '''BOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!'''&quot; And that's why you gotta love Atari.

=== 10. [[w:HyperScan|HyperScan]] ===

:'''The Nerd: '''And yes, he just turned into a cheeseburger.

=== 11. [[w:Universal Studios Theme Parks Adventure|Universal Studios Theme Parks Adventure]] ===

:'''AVGN''': Universal Theme Park Adventure on Gamecube. A game based on a theme park, that was based on movies by Universal Studios, the giant movie making machine that made some of the greatest films of all time. From the classic monster movies of the 30's and 40's to the Spielberg masterpieces like Jaws, E.T. and Jurassic Park. Over the years, Universal Studios has celebrated its movie legacy by slowly converting its Hollywood studio location into a big amusement park for the public and destroying film history. You know the opera house set from the classic Phantom of the Opera that stood on Stage 28 for 90 years? Destroyed. The oldest surviving movie set in history gone over night to make way for a Harry Potter ride. But hey, Universal Theme Park was still a lot of fun. You know in the Back to the Future DeLorean and then there's volcanos and shit and then you're riding the bike with E.T. and then the...the truck comes and almost hit you and then you're on the waterfall and...then the T-Rex comes out and then...and then fucking Jaws is jumping out of the water and King Kong shaking the tram and then there's earthquakes and then there's those other movies that you don't even know what the fuck they are, nobody cares! It was awesome! By the 90's, this whole theme park idea was so huge, they opened up a new one in Florida. This is when Nintendo helped advertised it in the movie, The Wizard and then in 2001, Nintendo start promoting it again with this game (the Nerd inserts the disk into the Gamecube and turns the Gamecube on) which I think, sounds awesome. What a great idea to take all these movies and put them into one using the theme park as a way to tie them altogether and on a new advanced console. How could you go wrong?

:'''AVGN''': Well, only one present left. [Looks at the last present] Wanna take a peek? Yeah, let's take a peek. [Picks the last present then reveals the LJN logo as he feels shocked.] '''NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!'''

=== 12. [[w:LJN Video Art|LJN Video Art System]] ===
:'''The Nerd''': It can't be! (Opens a present then reveals ''[[w:LJN Video Art|LJN Video Art]]'') LJN made a video game console. It's already bad enough they already monopolized the genre of shitty disfunctional video games, but now, to make a whole fucking console. The biggest turd LJN ever shat. Let's take a look.

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:'''The Nerd''': Ooh, no, oh, no, oh, NO! Oh, I hate these. These things come from Hell! These are the devil's pitchforks that you have to screw on the back of your TV!

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''[Upon turning on the video game system, the game just blares static]''
:'''The Nerd''': Well, you have to admit, this sure has a killer soundtrack. Yeah, next time you're having a conversation about best video game soundtracks; Mega Man, Castlevania, no, tell them about LJN Video Art. I can see it right now like, &quot;Uh, how does that one go? I don't remember that.&quot; &quot;Oh, it goes like: ''[imitates static sounds]''&quot;
:'''The Nerd''': The game has no sound... This is a unique specimen, not because it doesn't have sound, but because it outputs white noise, so technically, it does have sound, but it's fucking static! This kind of shit is the reason the Mute button was invented. Yeah, so turn the sound off, put on some Witchfinder General, and while you're at it, put on a different fucking game!

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:'''The Nerd''': And when you're pushing down the button and rocking the joystick around like this, it squeaks! ''[The joystick squeaks annoyingly as he rocks it]'' Oh! ''[groans angrily]'' That's awful! This is worse than the static, and this you can't turn down. So, guess you gotta get some really strong earmuffs. ''[he puts on earmuffs]''

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:'''The Nerd''': Does LJN Video Art have ANY good aspects? Well, I guess you can change the color of the pen. You can change the color of the background. You can erase... ''[begins to erase]'' one pixel at a time! This is the worst thing ever. Etch-a-Sketch is better than this, and that doesn't even need electricity or forks to screw in your TV. You can give it the benefit of it being 1987 and one of the first of its kind. Later, there were games like ''Art Alive!'' on the Sega Genesis which was pretty cool, and ''Wacky Worlds Creativity Studio'', which came with a mouse. But the one I have the most fond memories of, is ''Mario Paint'' on Super NES. ''[the footage of Mario Paint on SNES is shown]'' You can draw either free style or with a coloring book, with plenty of different pens, brushes, colors and patterns to work with. But it wasn't just about what you can do, but more about the overall presentation of it. For example, they give you so many creative ways to erase the drawing. ''[The picture is erased in different ways, like a video tape being rewound]'' It's unnecessary, but it's cool. Even the Save feature, which takes an insane amount of time just to save one shitty drawing, is still cool, because you get that catchy beat to make the time fly by. ''[he bobs his head to the beat]'' The sound effects are so enjoyable. I mean, it's awesome just the way when you click on the different color sets, it goes higher in pitch. ''[The noise it makes when you click on the different color sets goes higher in pitch every time he clicks it]'' : You can do simple animation, make music... ''[&quot;Mario Paint&quot;-made music plays]'' ...even play a Fly Swatter game, and with the Super NES mouse, this was a fun experience. You can even mess around with the title screen. ''[The Nerd messes with the title screen, clicking on letters and even making it explode]'' Looking back, it's not a very useful program. You can't do a whole lot with it compared to computer programs today, but what made it great, was the presentation. It made doing the most simple tasks a lot of fun. LJN Video Art is not fun at all. It's a disaster. No human being should ever have the misfortune of playing this. And yes, the Styrofoam was more interesting. It doesn't even qualify as a video game console, but it... comes with cartridges, so I guess... technically, it is a video game console! Well then it's the worst video game console of all time! LJN has really outdone themselves this time! The only thing worse would be to play it on the Roll &amp; Rocker! Yeah, imagine that!

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:'''The Nerd''': So, this concludes this marathon of crap, 12 shitty relics from the ass of the past. Hope you enjoyed it. Enjoyed in a strange way, I guess. You know, why do we focus on the bad memories? Why are we sentimental over the crappy past? I don't know, but I do know that the things of yesterday that were worthless, you all found some way to give them worth. You've done this, I've done this, we've all found ways to just make the best of things I guess. Maybe you're having a good holiday season, or a bad one, or an indifferent one, whatever the case I just want to bring you some joy. I hope you got a laugh, or even just a chuckle, uh, because it's that time of year, where everybody... make happy. Be a comedian. With all sincerity, have a Merry Christmas, happy holidays in general, and I'll see ya in 2015. Get ready for those [[Back to the Future Part II|self-lacing shoes, hoverboards and flying cars!]]

== Season Nine ==

=== [[w:Hong Kong 97 (video game)|Hong Kong 97]] ===
:'''The Nerd''': I've been called upon to take care of business once again. Apparently, there was a game worse than [[w:Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing|Big Rigs]]. Worse than [[w:Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (video game)|Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde]]. Worse than ''CrazyBus'' or ''Desert Bus!'' It was known as Hong Kong 97, and I've been getting requests for it up the ass. The requests are so far up the ass, it's time to shit 'em out! The game was made for the Super Famicom in Japan. But never saw its way to the rest of the world. This is one title that we definitely didn't get on the [[w:Super Nintendo Entertainment System|Super Nintendo]]. It was made by HappySoft. HappySoft was most famous for making... Hong Kong 97, their one and only &quot;masterpiece.&quot; (scene switches to an animated scene of HappySoft, rising from a fiery pit, shitting out Hong Kong 97) On this one occasion, they rose from the depths of Hell, excreted this unholy turd onto the Earth, and then descended back to where they came. (scene cuts back to real life) Supposedly, the game was so horrible, it barely even came on the Super Famicom at all. Stores rejected it and its release status is a mystery. It's so rare that to this day, not a single cartridge or physical copy has shown up at all. I can't even find a picture of one. So the only way I can experience this game... is the same way as the rest of the Internet.

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:'''The Nerd''': [upon seeing the word &quot;fuckin'&quot; in the game's intro story] This can't be real. No. No. Somebody's pulling my leg! &quot;A herd of fucking ugly reds&quot;? Was 'a herd of ugly reds' too weak? Did they really need the F word to FUCKIN' drive home the FUCKIN' point? 

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:'''The Nerd''': One hit, and the game's over. Why would I expect anything more? ''[Sees the game over screen, a picture of what appears to be a real corpse, accompanied by the text &quot;Chin IS DEAD!!&quot;]'' No... oh, please! I hope that's not a real dead body. No, there's no way they'd have such bad taste! That's gotta be an actor. Or... we're looking at some guy who died on that date and time in 1992. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': The strange thing is that Deng Xiaoping actually died in 1997. The game...predicted the future. In fact, 1997 was the year the United Kingdom returned the rule of Hong Kong back to China. The movie, from '94, forecast this in the tagline: &quot;99 years of British rule are about to come to an end. Hong Kong will never be the same.&quot; The movie stars Robert Patrick, the T-1000 from Terminator 2: Judgment Day, and Judgment Day takes place...in 1997. Part of Deng Xiaoping's ear is sort of cut off, like when Mike Tyson bit off a piece of Evander Holyfield's ear in 1997. The car, I'm willing to bet, is a Mercedes-Benz, in which Princess Diana died in '97. And what was the year Coca-Cola launched Surge? '97. And it's no coincidence all my surge protectors were made in China. Rebooting the entire game after you die? Just like Symphony of the Night. '97. Jackie Chan, uh, Rumble in the Bronx, uh, the Bronx, New York City, the Big Apple... [gasps] The year Steve Jobs returned to Apple in '97. The unstoppable, unrelenting song is called I love Beijing Tiananmen, also known as I love Peking Tiananmen. Peking Duck is a famous duck dish from Beijing. [gasps] And Scrooge McDuck had his 50th Anniversary in '97! The game was such a titanic failure. [gasps] Titanic, the movie from '97! Why was this game's sole purpose to direct us to the number 97? Huh. Like the NGC-97 galaxy in the constellation of Andromeda, the princess Andromeda who was chained naked to a rock to be sacrificed to a monster. Like Princess Leia and Jabba in Return of the Jedi. [gasps] The Special Edition of Star Wars in '97! Ah, fuck, we're back again. Man, I'm just trying to get a final answer here, but I went full circle. Like the song that keeps looping. A game that keeps repeating. Maybe it's all about a cycle. An endless cycle. Old, shitty games that become new again. The past becomes the future, birth and death, on and on, it's the cycle of life. The game is the meaning of life! And the thing that keeps life going; Reproduction...and food...which becomes shit. The game is fuckin' shit. There.

=== [[w:Darkwing Duck (TurboGrafx-16)|Darkwing Duck]] ===
:'''The Nerd''': ''[searching for a game to review that would supposedly give enough material]'' I got it, ''[[w:Mad Max (1990 video game)|Mad Max]]''! It was made by [[w:Mindscape|Mindscape]], proving that not '''''EVERY''''' NES movie-based game was made by LJN. See - LJN was like a cat, and the NES library was its litter box. When the litter box gets too shitty... the cat shits somewhere else. '''''Now''''' I'm on track.

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:'''The Nerd''': ''[reviewing the aforementioned game]'' Well, ya drive around, ya run around shootin' people, ya drive, shoot, drive, shoot, buy stuff, drive and shoot. I '''''wish''''' it were LJN because they would've given me more to '''talk''' about!

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:'''The Nerd''': Call me an explorer; I've been searching for the '''perfect''' shitty game. And I've seen just about '''''EVERYTHING''''' at this point! But ya know what? I'm gonna do something that I've never done yet. And that is to review a game, on... ''[turns his camera to the TurboGrafx-16]'' ...the TurboGrafx-16. '''''Holy shit.''''' ''[The TurboGrafx-16 floats out to the camera.]'' The TurboGrafx-16 was developed by Hudson Soft and NEC. Its original name in Japan was the PC Engine, which sounds like a computer on a train. No wonder they changed it. The games came on cards, which was unique. It was '''technically''' the first 16-bit console, made to compete with the NES, but it was soon trampled by two titans, the Sega Genesis and the Super Nintendo. Yeah, you were either asking your parents for the Genesis or the SNES. The TurboGrafx-16 was the one nobody ''gave'' a shit about. It didn't have as many third-party game developers workin' for it, but the benefit of that was that it meant less shitty games! The TurboGrafx library is less ''contaminated'' than the rest. That's why it's taken me so long to get to it. There's no '''major''' stinkers that stick out. But I might've found one. ''Darkwing Duck'', based on [[w:Darkwing Duck|the TV show]]. remember the show, but I'm not overly familiar with it, which is a fair spot to be in. I have no high expectations, or low expectations. By now, I've played some of the most '''''HORRIBLE GAMES''''' that are humanly possible to make: ''Plumbers Don't Wear Ties'', ''Big Rigs'', ''Hong Kong 97''; I think I've set the bar too high, or too low, depending which way ya look at it. So now, let's go into some more sensible territory; let's get serious. Or should I say... &quot;Let's get dangerous&quot;?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': Great! The game just began and they tease ya with an item that you can't get! There's ''gotta'' be a way... Oh - I see, ya bounce on the skateboarding penguins' heads. ''[turns to the camera]'' How can I be so casual when I say &quot;skateboarding penguins&quot;?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': It's not like I ''have'' to get the D; I don't even know what it does! But it '''''pisses me off!''''' I feel like an ass! I can't let that go! I feel like I've been fooled! It's like a '''test''' from the game programmers! A challenge! Like, you put that D there, and '''''I'm gonna figure out how you intend I get to it!''''' ... I give up. There's a whole game ahead of me. Fuck the D; the D can '''''suck my dick!''''''''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': I've been playin' on &quot;Normal Mode&quot;. I'm changin' it to &quot;Easy&quot;. Huh. &quot;Easy&quot; and &quot;Normal&quot;. Should be called &quot;Hard&quot;, and '''''&quot;FUCKING BULLSHIT&quot;!'''''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': Don't you think there'd be a reason why the window is broken? Doesn't it look like I can hop down there? ''(Darkwing jumps up to the cable)'' How 'bout hangin' on the power lines? Darkwing is actually reaching up as if he could grab on! But it never happens! It '''messes''' with your mind! It's a psychological sucker-front! A facade! It's the equivalent of an open door that ya can't go in!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': So much shit comin' at me! '''''SO MUCH SHIT!''''' ''[The Nerd falls below the platform and into a different level. He is shocked.]'' What the fuck just happened? It's like you make one wrong step, '''''you go to the dungeon, BITCH!'''''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': You can't duck and shoot. Great. Well at least you can duck. You '''''ARE''''' a duck. I dunno what kinda fucked-up duck can't fuckin' duck

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd: ''' ''(As the Nerd waits for a correct time to jump, a safe falls on Darkwing's head, much to the Nerd's dismay. The camera cuts to him looking shocked by this. He then gets an angry look before he opens his mouth.)'' ''(Screams angrily)'' '' '''FU.....!!!!''' '' ''(this is interwoven with multiple clips of the Nerd screaming; the final shot is an explosion)'' ''(angrily)'' '''If you stand still for TOO long, a safe drops on you! Like the game is saying, ''&quot;FUCK YOU!&quot;'' ''' '''&lt;nowiki/&gt;''' Might as well just be a giant middle finger. And it should be the only part of the game in 3D! Put on your 3D glasses! Get ready! Set! Fuck you, kids!

:'''The Nerd: '''This '''''could've''''' been a decent game. ''Darkwing Duck'' is '''''NOT''''' one of those concepts that's doomed from the start. The show had elements of action, crime-solving and humor. It's been done well before! ''(Footage of the NES version of &quot;Darkwing Duck&quot; is shown)'' There was an NES version which was basically like ''[[w:Mega Man (video game)|Mega Man]]'' but with a duck. It was made by [[w:Capcom|Capcom]], who of course made the ''Mega Man'' games, and ''DuckTales''. '''Those''' all turned out great, so what happened here? The control isn't just bad, it's '''''uniquely''''' bad. In an indescribable way.

:'''The Nerd: '''Every game with bad control has its own feel, its own identity. Making bad games is an artform. It's a delicate recipe. Some are worse than others. It might be a massive truck load of elephant shit, or, a pellet of bird poop. To explain '''''exactly''''' how bad it is, I've invented &quot;The Shit Scale&quot;.

:'''The Nerd: '''It begins with &quot;Games That Are Debatably Bad&quot;. '''Somewhat''' good games, with ''serious'' flaws. '''''Not''''' part of the turd crust, but well within smell range.

:'''The Nerd: '''Then you get to the &quot;High Level of Shit Contamination&quot;. Games that are ''possible'' to play, but nobody in their right mind would.

:'''The Nerd: '''Then ya get into the &quot;Very High&quot; category which encompasses the majority of LJN games. This is where you could still survive, but you'd come out traumatized... for life.

:'''The Nerd: '''Next is the &quot;Severe Zone&quot;. This is for masochists only. These are games that could kill a person. '''''STAY AWAY. Don't even think about it!'''''

:'''The Nerd: '''Then we have ''Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde''. Enough said.

:'''The Nerd: '''Finally, at the '''''EXTREME''''' end of the scale, &quot;'''MAJOR CODE RED'''&quot;; we have games that don't even '''''qualify''''' as games at all. They shouldn't even be '''on''' the scale! But they are. And that's so you know to beware. '''''NEVER''''' play them, '''''NEVER''''' talk about them.

:'''The Nerd: '''So where does ''Darkwing Duck'' fall on the scale? I'd say somewhere around... here. ''(&quot;Very High&quot; category)'' Of course that means there '''are''' games that are worse, but from what I've seen so far, ''Darkwing Duck'' is the '''''WORST''''' game on the TurboGrafx-16. Being the worst at something is quite an achievement. I'm the fuckin' Nerd, I'll see ya next time. ''(The Nerd throws the game and grunts angrily)'' '''Nnrgh!'''

=== [[w:Seaman (video game)|Seaman]] ===
:'''The Nerd''': So what do you do in this game? Well, the instructions say: &quot;You are free to enjoy Seaman-&quot; ''[slaps the instruction booklet against his forehead]'' '''AW, NO, NO, NO, NOOOOOOO!''' '''IT'S SEA-MAN! SEA...MAN!''' Not ''semen.'' ''[awkwardly pauses for 2 seconds]'' '''AS IN JIZZ! SPLOOGE! MAN BAZOOKA JUICE!'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': Yeah, you wanna look cool? Put a Sega Dreamcast on your wrist with a TV and a gas-powered electric generator! You'd be so awesome! Let's play this.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Leonard Nimoy''': Then take the egg from the storage matrix...
:'''The Nerd''': Yeah. When he says &quot;Matrix.&quot;, he sounds like Galvatron.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The Nerd watches in horror as the Nautilus thrashes around, bleeding out]''
:'''The Nerd''': Agh! Ah, that's repulsive!
:''[several Seamen spawn (Gillmen) come flying out of the Nautilus' corpse]''
:'''The Nerd''': ...Whooooaaaa... 
:''[one Gillman swims right up to the screen]''
:'''The Nerd''': GAH! OH, MY GOD! AHHH, GET AWAY FROM ME YOU MYSTICAL ANCIENT PHARAOH MOTHERFUCKERS! Ah! I gotta do it! I gotta do it for Nimoy! ''(gives the Vulcan salute)'' '''''FOR NIMOY!'''''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': ''[to microphone]'' Hello.
:'''Seaman''':''[sarcastically]'' Yeah. Hello. Whatever.
:'''The Nerd''': ''[to microphone]'' I just wanna talk.
:'''Seaman''': ''[sarcastically]'' Blahh, blahh, blahh. Happy?
:'''The Nerd''': ''[to microphone, annoyed]'' Yo, fuck-face!
:'''Seaman''': Let's be sure and get my name right, skin puppet. You're a pain in the fuck.
:'''The Nerd''': ''[to microphone, angrily]'' Suck my dick!
:'''Seaman''': Hey, Seaman don't play that.
:'''The Nerd''': ''[to microphone]'' I'll... (What can I do?) I'll tickle you.
:'''Seaman''': Are you coming on to me?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': ''[to microphone]'' Talk, talk. Speak, speak.
:'''Seaman''': Bite me.
:''[the Gillman flings a viscous substance at the screen]''
:'''The Nerd''': Did he just take a shit? 'HE JUST FLUNG SHIT AT ME!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': Whoa. That's deep, man. But it's bullfuck! The game demands I play by its schedule. So, what am I gonna do to pass the time? Well, I guess I'll play this Famicom Disk game, which roughly translates to &quot;Explosive Fighter Patton&quot;. Why? Because people told me so; they keep feeding me this shit. Let's check it out. ''[inserts the disk. The screen says: &quot;TURN TO SIDE-B AND INSERT TO FUCKING BOX!&quot;.]''
:'''The Nerd''': ''[stunned]'' No. No way! It's an official Famicom disk game that says the F-word! And this was in the 80s; this was before Hong Kong 97! '''''IT'S AN OFFICIALLY RELEASED GAME ON A NINTENDO CONSOLE...THAT SAYS &quot;FUCK&quot;! OH, MY GOD, MY LIFE IS COMPLETE! IT SAYS FUCK!''''' ''[shouting]'' '''''IT SAYS FU....'''''
:''[brief montage indicating the passage of time]''
:'''The Nerd''': ''[continues shouting]'' O-oh, I forgot about Seaman! ''[turns Dreamcast back on]''
:'''Leonard Nimoy''': I regret to inform you that Seaman has passed away...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Seaman''': Hey, guess what we're doing over here!
:''[two Gillmen are interconnected; the Nerd is shocked]''
:'''The Nerd''': Oh, no, no, no-no-no, please, please! The Seamen are mating. And they felt the need to announce it; to make it known! There they are; staring you right in the face! I didn't even know one that was female. They both have a male voice. That's not... logical.
:''[the top Gillman sinks to the tank floor]''
:'''The Nerd''': It dies? It got fucked to death?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Seaman''': In general, would you describe yourself as a confident person?
:'''The Nerd''': ''[confused]'' Am I confident in myself? Well--
:'''Seaman''': You don't have to be perfect to still be able to like yourself, so tell me.
:'''The Nerd''': ''[lying on the futon like a therapist couch]'' It all started with my pet albatross.
:'''Seaman''': The most important thing is that your dad knows how much he means to you.
:'''The Nerd''': I just feel like...nothing matters, you know?
:'''Seaman''': ''[each line interleaving with one another]'' If you manage to glimpse the world through each other's eyes, you have to keep up with technology. What will your future be like? It's a natural result of the world's economy becoming no reality independent of observation.
:'''The Nerd''': I-I never thought of it that way.
:'''Seaman''': Human beings are the only animals smart enough to entertain itself in a complex way. ''[the Nerd nods in agreement]''

=== The Crow ===
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''(The episode opens with the doorbell ringing as the AVGN opens the door and sniffs.)''
:'''The AVGN''': Ugh. ''(looks at a flaming bag, screams and puts it out with his shoe)'' No! ''(he takes the bag to his gaming room)'' Ugh, those goddamn kids. They left me a flaming bag... ''(takes out the game)'' of shit! ''[[w:The Crow: City of Angels (video game)|The Crow: City of Angels]]''. It was on [[w:PC game|PC]], [[w:PlayStation (console)|PlayStation]] and [[w:Sega Saturn|Sega Saturn]], and all the same, the PC version was a Piece of Crap, the PS version was a Piece of Shit, and the Saturn version was a Satanic turd, '''''MORE LETHAL THAN TEN TONS OF DONKEY DOOKIE DROPPING FROM A 60-STORY BUILDING!''''' ''[[The Crow (1994 film)|The Crow]]'' was a dark action film based on a comic series. The film takes place the night before Halloween, Mischief Night or Devil's Night, which is associated with the more destructive version of Mischief Night, which is not so much about petty pranks, but more about vandalism and arson. It's also somewhat related to an older tradition: Guy Fawkes Night. But that's another story. Anyway, ''The Crow'', of course, starred [[w:Brandon Lee|Brandon Lee]], [[Bruce Lee]]'s son. You can't talk about ''The Crow'' without mentioning the fact that he was accidentally killed on set by a defective gun blank. Yeah, I have nothing but tragedy to tell today. The plot was about a rock star named Eric Draven. He and his girlfriend are violently killed by a horrible gang. But he's resurrected and seeks his revenge after a crow leads his soul back to the world of the living. Yeah, it sounds weird when you say it fast, but it was a pretty good movie. While not perfect, it was stylized with a gloomy and surreal comic book tone, similar to [[Tim Burton]]'s ''[[Batman (1989 film)|Batman]]''. That would be a good time to make a video game, right? No. There were no games based on ''The Crow''. Nada. Diddly-fucking-squat. Then came the shitty sequel, [[The Crow: City of Angels|The Crow: Shitty of Angels]]! Ho-ho! Now it's time to make a game! Ugh. All right, let's... pop this... fucking turd in here.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The AVGN''': Look at this ugly, murky mess. I'm sure they were going for a dark, moody atmosphere and all that, but don't you think it's a little too dark? It's almost just a black screen with yellow and red pools of light. Looks like somebody bled and pissed all over the place, after smearing the camera lens with their shit after taking a bunch of Pepto Bismol.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The AVGN''': This game is worse than a Mischief Night prank! Mischief Night is throwing toilet paper all over someone's yard. This game is the equivalent of throwing toilet paper after you wiped your ass! It's as refreshing as a horse's anus! Fuck The Crow up its bird ass! '''''AND FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING CLOWN-FACE JOKER, KISS MAKEUP-WEARING, KING DIAMOND, BEETLEJUICE, ALICE COOPER, MARILYN MANSON MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!'''''
:''(The AVGN cries and looks up as he stares in shock at Board James inside of the TV.)''
:'''Board James''': Yo, Nerd, I got a better game for us.
:'''The AVGN''': Board James, go away. You don't get a Halloween special.
:'''Board James''': ''(angrily)'' '''''Fuck you, you fucking asshole! Wha- I-I-I NEVER get a Halloween special! Why's it always gotta be about you?! When's it gonna be my turn?!'''''
:'''The AVGN''': ''(stutters)'' Okay, ok-o-okay. As '''''soon''''' as Halloween is over, we'll play some plastic and cardboard.
:'''Board James''': ''(nods)'' Better late than never.
:''(The AVGN looks down to see he is holding the &quot;13 Dead End Drive&quot; board game. As the camera pans back up, we now see that it is Board James holding the game as he looks into the camera and the episode ends.)''

=== [[w:Mortal Kombat Mythologies: Sub-Zero|Mortal Kombat Mythologies: Sub-Zero]] ===
:'''The Nerd''': C'mon, c'mon - oh, get the fuck outta my way - ''[a monk gets crushed by a moving pillar]'' AH-HA-HAH! YEAH! DID YOU SEE THAT?! I FUCKIN' SQUASHED THAT BITCH! ''[A pillar squashes Sub-Zero]'' FUUUUUUCCCCKKK!!!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': Afterwards, you get a cutscene. This is where I should mention that the game was also on PlayStation. It's very similar, but the most noteworthy difference is that on the N64, the cutscenes are still images and text, but with the PlayStation version, since it was a CD-based console, it was able to have full motion video and audio.
:'''[[w:Scorpion (Mortal Kombat)|Scorpion]]''': I am Scorpion. You killed me in cold blood.
:'''The Nerd''': Um... Just stick to ''[[w:Mortal Kombat: Annihilation|Mortal Kombat: Annihilation]]''.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': (after he plays the game, he takes out the cartridge) No wonder I haven't played this one before! '''THIS IS ANAL SAUCE!!!'''
:''(The Nerd throws the cartridge and freezes it like Sub-Zero.)''
:'''Mortal Kombat Announcer''': Finish him!
:''(The Nerd destroys the cartridge into blood and guts while he grunts angrily.)''
:'''Mortal Kombat Announcer''': Fatality!

== Season Ten ==

=== Mega Man Games ===
:'''The Nerd:''' ''[first lines]'' It's been 10 years since I first began broadcasting to you through the miracle of YouTube technology. And since then, I've been trying to keep up with the times. I've just finished upgrading my vinyl record collection to cassettes. And I got a new cell phone... ''[he holds up an old-style Motorola mobile phone]'' (Check it out.) ''[Nokia fanfare plays]'' ...and I finally got one of those new rectangular TVs. I've been reorganizing all my game consoles, new video switchers, working out all the bugs, new shelves, I can now get behind my game consoles to reach all the wires, and of course, the ability to play games in HD clarity. Yeah, hi-def. ''Yeah.'' Now let's play some 8-bits.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd:''' BLAM! Shooting shit, running around in your blue underwear! It doesn't get any better than this. It ain't Superman, or Ultraman, it's Capcom's ''Mega Man'', a robot hero built by Dr. Light to battle against the Evil Dr. Wily and his never-ending supply of robot villains in the year 2...whatever. The 2D gameplay is as classic as they come with a little bit of ''Contra'', a little bit of ''Metroid'', but but still stands in its own right with its stage select system and the ability to steal each of the boss character's weapons. Oh, we can't forget about those disappearing blocks! One of the many rules of gaming: never trust what's under your feet.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd:''' ''Mega Man II'' is favored by many. It's considered to be one of the supreme examples of these types of side-scrolling action games. It's the one everybody knows. Just like another Capcom game, ''Street Fighter II,'' which revolutionized the tournament fighter genre. I guess you can say Capcom made the best number twos. It's the simple things that make it so appealing. For example, Mega Man's run cycle: he's constantly at full sprint. You can see the determination, the pure gallantry, but that doesn't even graze upon why the gameplay is so addicting. The jumping, the midair shooting, it's a science that triggers a phenomenon in your brain. It's so bad ass... ''[he pauses his speech while he plays Mega Man 2]'' Oh. Sorry, I was just playing the game.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd:''' When you do catch yourself a break to stop and listen, you'll realize you're hearing some of the most rocking video game tunes of all time! If only the idea of video game soundtrack albums caught on back then. You'd get 21 hits in one fantastic collection, including (The Nerd belts out the Crashman Stage Music.) and... (He belts out the Dr. Wily Stage Music. A fake infomercial screen appears) This offer's not available in stores; order today.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd:''' Explosions! Dialogue! '''EXPLOSIONS ''AND'' DIALOGUE, AT THE SAME TIME!''' ''[Shouting]'' '''''OH, MY GOD!!!'''''
:''[Explosions occur in the Nerd's room with some dialogue saying &quot;This is Hunter Base. Do you read me? Are you all right? Any damage?&quot; interrupting for a brief moment then explosions resume while the Nerd yells]''
:'''The Nerd:''' This is fucking horseshit. I've had enough shitty games. I've dedicated myself to this for too long! I've had it! I quit.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''2007 Nerd:''' ''[after he throws the Independence Day PS1 disc at the 2016 Nerd's face]'' Oh, my God! Who are you?
:'''2016 Nerd:''' I'm you.
:'''2007 Nerd:''' I can see that. How'd you get here?
:'''2016 Nerd:''' I don't know, but... I remember this. Yeah. I don't know how else to say this, but I'm from the future. There, I said it.
:'''2007 Nerd:''' Really? Do I get the goat tattoo?
:'''2016 Nerd:''' ''[while he enters his old room]'' Obviously not on your face. Look at this old setup. You know with the original NES model you can't play European games. You gotta get your RF shit modded into composite. Still blowing in your cartridges, you gotta get your-- Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. ''[points at R.O.B.]'' Why is that there?
:'''2007 Nerd:''' I don't know, it just sits there.
:'''2016 Nerd:''' Get rid of it.
:'''2007 Nerd:''' Why?
:'''2016 Nerd:''' You'll know by Episode 100.
:'''2007 Nerd:''' Uh, Episode-- ''[stutters]'' ''What?!''
:'''2016 Nerd:''' Oh, yeah. Trust me. Just quit, right now.
:'''2007 Nerd:''' ''[stammers]'' Why? It's my-- It's our duty to review bad games and warn people from playing this shit.
:'''2016 Nerd:''' What's this here? ''[picks up Mega Man on DOS]'' There's a Mega Man PC game on DOS? Mega Man on DOS! This is something that'll make you wanna quit!
:'''2007 Nerd:''' ''[takes out the floppy disk]'' Okay, I'll give it a try.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': Look, I know this sounds weird, but I've sorta been time-traveling around through AVGN history.
:'''Back Nerd''': Yeah. That's weird. We've never seen anything weird before.
:'''2006 Nerd''': What's AVGN?
:'''Right Nerd''': ''[with an idiotic smile]'' Audio Video Graphic Network!
:'''Back Nerd:''' ''[sarcastically]'' A VaGiNa.
:''[2016 Nerd just facepalms in annoyance.]''
:'''2006 Nerd:''' So what time did you come from?
:'''2016 Nerd:''' From ten years into the future.
:'''2006 Nerd:''' That's nice. Could you have picked a more confusing time to show up?
:'''Left Nerd:''' ''[sarcastically]'' Not confusing at all. Time-traveling back into a dream, that happens all the time! '''''MAKES PERFECT FUCKING SENSE!'''''
:'''2006 Nerd:''' Relax.
:'''2016 Nerd:''' All right, now look, I could tell you that Freddy's around the corner and he's waiting to kill all you, ''[Freddy's shadow gets annoyed, gives the middle finger, and walks away]'' but I'm gonna show you how much worse things could get. ''[shows the PlayStation Disc]'' Here is [[w:Mega Man Legends (video game)|Mega Man Legends]], on PlayStation.
:'''2006 Nerd:''' PlayStation? We're the Angry ''Nintendo'' Nerd!
:'''2016 Nerd:''' THEN CHANGE THE FUCKING NAME! It's about time!
:'''Back Nerd:''' How about Angry Nintendo Commentator? 
:''[2016 Nerd facepalms]''
:'''Right Nerd:''' How about Retro Nostalgic Video Gaming Shit Seeker?
:'''2006 Nerd:''' How about [[w:Nostalgia Critic|Nostalgia Critic]]?
:'''2016 Nerd:''' ''[in disagreement, as if saying, &quot;That's not gonna happen.&quot;]'' Now ''that's'' fucking ''stupid.''
:'''Left Nerd:''' How about &quot;Angry ''Video Game'' Nerd&quot;?
:''[The Nerds agree on the name]''
:'''Right Nerd:''' Yeah, that's good.
:'''Middle Nerd:''' I agree with that.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Mega Man walks toward a magazine rack]''
:'''The Nerd:''' &quot;There're some dirty magazines on the racks...&quot;?
:''[The Nerds have shocked looks on their faces, and they start laughing]''
:'''The Nerd:''' &quot;It might be fun to look at--&quot;
:''[The Nerds all exclaim things such as '''&quot;WHAT?!&quot;''' and '''&quot;OH, MAN!&quot;''' and '''&quot;OH, MY GOD!&quot;''' and having various looks on their faces, ranging from disgusted to laughing.]''
:'''Left Nerd:''' '''''MEGA MAN'S LOOKING AT PORN!'''''
:'''2006 Nerd:''' My life is complete!
:'''Right Nerd:''' ''[laughing]'' ''Mega Man X.'' more like ''Mega Man '''XXX.'''''
:'''2016 Nerd:''' Well, anyway, this guy's gotta take a shit, so take out that Nightmare on Elm Street cartridge and empty your ass all over it.
:'''Back Nerd:''' ''[in embarrassment]'' I wish you would've said that earlier.
:''[The other Nerds smell, gag and hold their nose after knowing Back Nerd defecated his pants.]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''2004 Nerd:''' ''[after he reviews Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde on NES, he sees his 2016 self]'' I must be drinking too much. I ain't seeing this, man.
:'''2016 Nerd:''' Drinking too much? ''[he holds up an empty Rolling Rock bottle and lowers it]'' Yeah, but you ''are'' seeing this. I'm you from the future.
:'''2004 Nerd:''' Right.
:'''2016 Nerd:''' And I need your help.
:'''2004 Nerd:''' Does this have anything to do with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde?
:'''2016 Nerd:''' No, but it concerns shitty games.
:'''2004 Nerd:''' Good. Anything but Jekyll and Hyde. So tell me, how far into the future do you come from? A month? A year?
:'''2016 Nerd:''' About 12 years, almost.
:'''2004 Nerd:''' What, are you fucking kidding me, and you're still playing shitty ga-- You didn't play ''Jekyll and Hyde'' again, did you?
:'''2016 Nerd:''' ''[beat, shakes his head]'' ...No! Never... Mm-mm. ''[he notices [[w:Mega Man X7|Mega Man X7]] and picks it up]'' What's this? Mega Man X7 for PlayStation 2?
:'''2004 Nerd:''' Yeah, that just came out last fall.
:'''2016 Nerd:''' ''[shocked]'' Oh, man. I'm retro.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''2016 Nerd:''' ''[after the Mega Man X7 review]'' So there you go. Prove that it sucked back then.
:'''2004 Nerd:''' Yeah, and I know by your time, they're probably up to Mega Man X20.
:'''2016 Nerd:''' No, Mega Man kind of stopped. ''[picks up a Rolling Rock and peeks inside before he turns the bottle upside down]'' The franchise has been dormant lately.
:'''2004 Nerd:''' Well, that's good. You never rush out anything just to meet consumer demand, otherwise, you end up puttin' out shit. Some franchises get done to death. You can't keep beating the same thing into the ground.
:'''2016 Nerd:''' Yeah. But I do miss the Mega Man series. People wanted it. Hmm. If you had a series, what would you do?
:'''2004 Nerd:''' I couldn't imagine. I wish I had something like that. If people wanted it, that'd be a great thing. You can't do the same thing all the time or else it gets old, but every now and then, it's good to bring it back.
:'''2016 Nerd:''' ''[smiles]'' Thanks.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': I'm back. It's yours truly, the fuckin' Nerd, here to play some more shitty games. Let's pop this fucker in here-- ''[The Nerd picks up an SNES cartridge and is shocked to see it is [[w:Mega Man Soccer|Mega Man Soccer]]. He puts the game in the SNES, turns it on, plays it and shudders in shock at the game play.]'' Wha--? W--? '''WHAT... WERE... THEY...&lt;big&gt;''THINKING?!?''&lt;/big&gt;''' ''[he runs, hurls himself out the window and screams.]''

=== [[w:Paperboy (video game)|Paperboy]] ===
:'''The Nerd''': Extra! Extra! Paperboy goes mad! Here's some [[w:Classified advertising|assifieds]]! Here you go daily douchebag! 10% off your next purchase of &quot;FUCK YOU&quot;! Cloudy with a chance of ass kicking! Dear Abby, make 'em eat shit! Crosswords, can you spell cunt? Horoscopes, you will achieve greatness - in HELL!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': Aiming the newspaper into the mailbox is like trying to slingshot a dingleberry from a playground roundabout that’s situated on a moving parade float aiming into a bottle cap that’s tied by a string to a Himalayan snow-cock! While drunk! It would take somebody from NASA who knows how to calculate exactly when a certain asteroid is going to pass by a certain planet when it's lined up with a certain constellation during a certain moon phase. Meanwhile, I'm still trying to calculate my cat's shit comets that spreads across the carpet after wiping its ass on it before its anal glands have been evacuated.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': Then there's a tire that randomly comes rolling out from behind the house. Who's back there rolling tires? Get a life.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': The ''Grim Reaper'' is in town... That's a problem. Here read the Obituaries you piece of shit.

=== [[w:MTV's Beavis and Butt-Head|Beavis and Butt-Head]] ===
:'''The Nerd''': ''(belches)'' Yeah, that's how you critique it, you just say this sucks... yeah... uh... you know when you eat rump roast - are you like, eating a cow's butt? ''(burps)'' You know the word &quot;this&quot; is like &quot;shit&quot; spelled backwards? Or uh... maybe it isn't. Maybe I should like, uh... play another game, or something?

=== The Berenstain Bears ===
:'''Other Nerd''': These are the real Bad News Bears!

=== Sega Activator and Aura Interactor ===
:'''The Nerd''': Streets of Rage 2.
:'''Keith Apicary''': Yes! That's my autobiography.

== Season Eleven ==

=== Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers ===
:'''The Nerd:''' After that, you get this awkward driving stage where you rescue people.
:'''Voice in game:''' ''[exclaims]'' Over here! All right!
:'''The Nerd:''' ''[sarcastically]'' &quot;Love&quot; hearin' those voices over and over again.
:'''Voice in game:''' Over here! All right! Over here! All right!
:'''The Nerd:''' &quot;Over here!&quot; &quot;All right!&quot; &quot;Over here!&quot; &quot;All right!&quot; &quot;Over here!&quot; &quot;All right!&quot; '''''&quot;OVER HERE!!!&quot;''''' '''''&quot;ALL RIGHT!&quot;'''''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd:''' [Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie ''on Game Boy''] Take a look at the Rangers. Which one's your favorite? ''(shows the Rangers on the Game Boy's monochrome screen)'' The Dark Green, Dark Green, Dark Green, Dark Green, Dark Green, or Dark Green Ranger? Mine's the Dark Green Ranger.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd:''' This problem escalates when you get to the sand. Oh, God, the sand. Let me tell you about this. You have to punch and kick all this sand out of the way, and it's a race against time because there's a machine following close behind you. If it touches you, it's a one-hit death. You have to get rid of that sand as fast as humanly possible. You can't afford any wasted hits, which means you have to master the science behind this punch-kick phenomenon. The top square can only be taken out with the punch. The middle with a kick or a ducking punch. The bottom, only with a ducking kick. So not only do you have to know when it's going to be a punch or a kick, but you also have to know when to be standing or ducking. The only successful pattern I found is duck-stand-stand, duck-duck-stand. I can't even do it without saying it out loud. Duck-stand-stand, duck-duck-stand. Duck-stand-stand, duck-duck-stand. Fuck-shit-shit, fuck-fuck-shit! ''Fuck-shit-shit, fuck-fuck-shit! '''FUCK-SHIT-SHIT, FUCK-FUCK-SHIT!''''' ''(Ranger dies)'' '''''FUUUUCK!!!'''''

=== [[w:Sonic the Hedgehog (2006 video game)|Sonic '06]] ===
:'''The Nerd''': I mean, how bad could this po- it's gonna fuckin' suck, isn't it?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': So far, this game has given me nothing but shit! '''The game is giving me shit!!!''' [''The Sonic 06 box game is literally trying to give the Nerd a piece of shit''] '''No! No! No!'''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': [''Talking about how the shopkeeper is only saying welcome''] Especially him. The only word on the screen is &quot;welcome&quot;, but his mouth is moving like crazy. What more could he possibly be saying?! [''The Nerd appears on screen and mimics the shopkeeper''] Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcomewelcomewelcome...

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': [''Commenting on another NPC''] Then there's this crack addict in an alley. [''The Nerd mimics the NPC''] Hey, hey, hey, did you see that, did you hear that? [''starts babbling unintelligibly''] Cra- Cra- crack, I need crack.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
[''Tails jumps over the rail and dies in water'']
:'''The Nerd''': Did Tails just kill himself?!!
[''Tails falls off the rail again and dies'']
:'''The Nerd''': He did!!
[''falls off the rail and dies again'']
:'''The Nerd''': [''appearing on the game screen''] He just couldn't take it... The game was that bad! ''(sighs and jumps into the water)''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''The Nerd''': [about the [[Free Willy|Free Willy]] poster] It looks like the kid is punching the whale! Who the hell could punch a killer whale so hard it becomes airborne?! You don't fuck with that kid!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': &quot;Cleared ACT Mission&quot;? What kind of terminology is that? That's like saying &quot;Cleared LEVEL Stage&quot;. This game is &quot;DICK Cock&quot;.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''The Nerd''': ou know what? I've played worse. This at least qualifies as a game. But the problem was, it needed to be a masterpiece because it was a Sonic the Hedgehog game. And not just any Sonic game, but it was THE Sonic game for a new console and a new generation. This would be like if Zelda: Twilight Princess sucked. They even had the balls to call it Sonic the Hedgehog. Not Sonic Revival 3D or somethin' -- no, just plain Sonic the Hedgehog, as if, this is the only Sonic game you need to know. If you've never played one before... just start with this one! Everyone calls it Sonic '06, but I call it Sonic O-Fuckin' Piece of Shit! This is ANAL SAUCE! It's so BAD, it's a work of art! It's a fine, delicately-crafted sculpture of SHIT! And I'm impressed! You know, this is another one worthy of the collection. I don't mean THIS collection. I mean THE collection.

=== Planet of the Apes ===

:'''The Nerd:''' Well, it's one of those &quot;where the fuck do you go?&quot; kind of games...
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd:''' '''''OH, THE ONLY PLANET THIS GAME CAME FROM IS URANUS! OH, THIS GAME IS A MADHOUSE! A MADHOUSE! OH, YOU DAMN DIRTY GAME DESIGNERS! YOU MANIACS! YOU FUCKED IT UP! DAMN YOU, DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!''''' Oh, that's it. I'm going back to Earth!

=== Game Boy Accessories ===

:'''The Nerd:''' This one, called the 'Handy Boy' was released by... STD? ''STD?!'' '''''WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD NAME THEIR GAME COMPANY &quot;STD&quot;?!'''''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd:''' ''(on Game Boy accessories)'' But then, to top it off, the grand finale. I'm not even emotionally ready to tell you about this, so just sit back, here it is. ''The PediSedate.'' This thing was intended for hospitals, to help children relax when they're about to be put under for surgery or a medical procedure. Essentially, it's a pair of headphones that you plug into the Game Boy. You could probably plug it into any portable gaming console, but more importantly, it has a cup that goes over the child's mouth, and releases the sleep gas, or laughing gas, or whatever it is they need. So, it's the only gaming peripheral I know of that ''gasses you!'' Imagine being sedated while playing fuckin' ''[[w:Dr. Mario|Dr. Mario]]''! What would that be like? Oh, my God! I was gonna make up a bunch of fake shit at the end, like the ''Game Boy Dog Turd Collector.'' But nothing I can make up can top ''this!'' And this thing was rea-I mean, it didn't get released, but it was invented and patented. The Game Boy must have been the most multi-purposed thing in existence! Astronauts actually took it into space! It could withstand bomb blasts, you could take photos, print, sew, find fish, ''get sedated! I wanna be sedated with a Game Boy!!'' '''I WANNA BE SEDATED WITH A GAAAME BOOOY!!'''! [[w:I Wanna Be Sedated|BAM BAM BAMBAM BAMBAM BAM B-B-]] '''''I WANNA BE SEDATED WITH A GAAAAAME BOOOOOY!!!!!'''''

=== Treasure Master ===
:'''The Nerd''': It's a really smart idea to be wearing radioactive fucking SHOES!! Seriously...is Skooter that fucking RAD that he doesn't care about RAD-iation poisoning?

=== Wrestling Games ===
:'''The Nerd''': Trying to hit a guy here is like trying to hit a grain of sand with a tennis racket while Andre The Giant farts directly into your nostrils!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': Wow. And how about the most annoying character select screen possible? I don't know who the fuck most of these guys are, and they have no names! Who are these people?? They just shout random slogans at me and move at about two frames per second. Whatever, I'll pick Ric Flair. And of course it controls like ass. The punches take almost a full-second delay! And seriously, why does everyone walk around like there's shit caked up their ass?! Fuck this piece of shit! I'm done! (Takes the game out of the Super Nintendo]

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': Let me tell you somethin', brother! This game is the worst there is, the worst there was, and the worst there ever will be! Woo! It's a limousine-fuckin', jet plane-suckin', diarrhea-drinkin', asshole-stinkin' Hell-on-Earth in a cartridge, and I'm gonna open up a whole can of whoop-ass on it! And that's the bottom line because the fuckin' Nerd said so!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': Seriously, why couldn't they give all the WWF games to Capcom instead of giving six of them to one of the worst video game companies in existence? Oh, and did I mention the toy line? LJN made the toys, too, and those fucking sucked also! Ugh! What were they thinking? Man, if LJN stood for Laughing Joking Numbnuts, then WWF must have stood for... Wisecracking Wiener Fuckfarts. ''[Actually, Nerd, WWF stood for &quot;World Wrestling Federation.&quot; Now it's WWE, which stands for &quot;World Wrestling Entertainment.&quot;] (gets knocked down by SNES cartridge with a steel chair and the audience angrily boos while the cartridge celebrates as if giving the audience a middle finger, and saying '''&quot;FUCK YOU!&quot;''')''

=== [[w:Polybius (urban legend)|Polybius]] ===
:'''The Nerd''': ''(after unsuccessfully trying to escape)'' The only way it'll let me go is if I show the game! ''(crying)'' I had to... I had no choice. I can't stand this anymore. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry just... [cries] Just don't look. Don't look, turn the video off right now! Once you see it, it's in you forever.
:''(The camera pans to floor as the Nerd walks toward the Polybius console and looks up at the screen, which shows a 3D-looking square tunnel and then a Tempest-like screen with other shapes. The screen flashes shapes randomly before the YouTube Video Unavailable screen appears. The face suddenly changes into the Nerd's face before the screen cuts to static.)''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Todd Tuckey''': What's going on? Hello? ...Well, the camera's here. ''(picks up camera)'' Well, there's the game. ''(static interspersed with Todd screaming)''

=== Robocop NES Games ===
&lt;hr width&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''RoboNerd:''' Dead or alive, these games fucking suck. And of course, they're based on a great movie. You know, RoboCop!

=== [[w:Sonic the Hedgehog (2006 video game)|Sonic '06 (Part 2)]] ===
:'''The Nerd:''' Seriously, the last thing I want to do after beating Sonic '06 is play more fuckin' Sonic '06! I'd rather rip every individual pube out of my scrotum with salad tongs than play this anymore!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': ''[after he beats Sonic '06]'' Wow! Can't say I've seen that before. Well, Sonic '06, it's all done. Just to think, all the hours spent, all that time, all that torture, and now, it's all over?
:''[sultry jazz music plays as the Nerd glares at Sonic '06 with bedroom eyes. Whipping and laughter sounds as the scene cuts to the dungeon with Sonic '06 whipping the Nerd.]''
:'''The Nerd''': ''[exclaims]'' Yeah! You like th-Ah! Ah! Yeah! Give it to me! ''[shouting]'' Ah! Yeah, yeah! ''[exclaims]'' Yeah, oh you like it when I give you those bedroom eyes! ''[shouts]'' Yeah! ''[exclaims and shouts]''

=== Charlie’s Angels (GameCube) ===
:'''Charlie''': Good morning, Nerd.
:'''The Nerd''': Who said that?
:'''Charlie''': Down here, Nerd.
:'''The Nerd''': The fuck is that thing?
:'''Charlie''': It's me, Charlie. I've come to help you with your game decision. I've got one in mind I think you'll like.
:'''The Nerd''': Oh, yeah, yeah, that's just what I need. Thank you. Thank you very much. How about you just get the hell out of here before I smash your circuits all over the floor?
:'''Charlie''': Why don't you take a look at the game first?
:'''The Nerd''': Oh yeah. ''Charlie's Angels: the Movie'' the game. I heard that one's some grade-A ass!
:'''Charlie''': Indeed it is, Nerd, but you'll only find out if you play. Now play it.
:'''The Nerd''': Okay. All right, so somebody comes and makes me play a game. Freddy, Jason, Bugs Bunny, a speaker phone? I mean, this is an all-time low. We're reachin' here, and you know where. What do you think I do all day? Just sit around and play shitty games?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd:''' It's finally happened. For years I've been calling games ass. But here is a game ''that's literally'' ''ASS!''
:'''Charlie:''' I'm really sorry, Nerd. I thought you would've loved a game that was ass.
:'''The Nerd:''' And why would I love that?
:'''Charlie:''' Because... you're a pieceashit!

=== Star Wars: Masters of Teras Kasi ===
''[The Nerd is looking through a 'Star Wars' encyclopedia]''
:'''The Nerd:''' What? ''JIZZ!?'' 'A popular style of freeform, wailing music' Jizz! Yeah, there is 'jizz' in this book. ''(flips to another page)'' Jizz-wailer!? 'A musician who plays a fast, contemporary, and upbeat style of music.' Jizz-wailer! It's in Star Wars!

=== Lightspan Adventures ===
:'''The Nerd:''' Let's learn some motherfucking math! ''On the move!''

== Season Twelve ==
=== [[w:EarthBound|EarthBound]] ===
:'''The Nerd''': ''[on the game's oversized box]'' Your ''MOM'' has an oversized box!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''(Following the montage of interruptions by the Photo Guy)''
:'''The Nerd''': ''LEAVE ME ALONE! LET ME PLAY THE GAME!''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Mr. Rigs''': That's right, Nerd! Don't take shit from nobody! Only give shits and while you're at it, get some clothes that fit.
:'''The Nerd's Shit''': Yes, it's a little on the baggy side.
:'''The Nerd''': Hey! I don't need any advice from you or the shit talking shit.

=== Dirty Harry ===
:'''The Nerd''': While the movie was ''Dirty'' Harry, the game... was just straight-up ''filthy''.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': (''at the title screen'') It opens with the classic line from ''Sudden Impact''.
:'''Harry Callahan''': ''Go ahead. Make my day''.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': This game is yet another one of those &quot;Where the fuck do I go?&quot; kind of games. I ran around for 20 minutes like a chicken with its head cut off and barely accomplished anything.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': I know what you're thinking, did he fire six shots or only five? Well to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I... kind of lost track myself. But being this is a Konami Justifier, the most powerful light gun in the world, it would blow your label clean off. You gotta ask yourself one question. Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya? Punk?

=== [[w:Drake of the 99 Dragons|Drake of the 99 Dragons]] ===

:'''The Nerd:''' ''(meditating to ethnic music)'' ... Oh, hey. I've just been meditating to summon the power of the Chosen One to give me the patience and the courage... to play today's game.
:'''The Nerd:''' This game is what you get if somebody ate every badass dual-pistol wielding, trench coat-wearing late '90s action movie cliché, then barfed it out, ate the barf, and then dumped their ass into a piss-and-shit-stained bus station toilet, and then they took that rancid concoction, and somehow printed Xbox discs made out of it! 99 Dragons, made out of 99 percent bullshit!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': But ooh boy, let me tell ya, I haven't even started playing yet, so let's pick up the Duke here, this big-ass ''tank'' fuckin' controller, and let's get started. 'cuz it's gonna get fucked...
:'''The Nerd:''' I understand the game was developed under a very short time, but somebody had to pop this in at least ONCE and say; &quot;This controls like ass.&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''The Nerd:''' ''(on the cutscenes)'' Oh, and the lips barely move, so I can never tell if they're actually talking, or it's some kind of inner monologue. ''(As he speaks, the Nerd's mouth is intentionally out of sync with his voice, parodying this.)''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:''(After having died, the Nerd spawns in a temple, where he has to wait for ten seconds before restarting.)''
:'''Statue:''' &quot;There's no cure for stupidity beyond death.&quot;
:'''The Nerd:''' Yeah, well, fuck you too, you fuckin' statues!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''The Nerd:''' ''(waiting for a platform to take Drake to the top of a building)'' O-oh, come on! I could build a sculpture of a horse takin' a shit, out of horse shit, in the time it takes to get up there!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''The Nerd:''' This is where the problems in the game REALLY mount up, and it just... builds inside you with all this RAGE, and you become... just BOILING SO FUCKIN' HOT! It's not like you're in Hell; you've '''become''' Hell! Bad people die, and they go into '''you!'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''The Nerd:''' ''(fighting a boss)'' And before I know it, I'm dead! What the fuuucck?!
:'''The Nerd:''' So you defeat the boss, you rescue your master, and now you gotta go down into the subway, and... ''(gets hit by a train and dies)'' '''HAAAAAAAAAAGHHH!!!''' ''WHAT THE FUCK?!'' Thi-I-I-I-I can't fuckin' stand this. I-I would cheat, but, they didn't even program cheat codes! But how could they, if they can't even program a ''fuckin'' game?! ''(stammers and briefly meditates)''

=== ''Tomb Raider'' Games ===
:''[first lines of the episode; Tomb Raider theme music plays in the background]''
:'''The Nerd''': I have a confession: I totally missed out on the ''Tomb Raider'' craze.
:'''The Nerd''': Full disclosure, I saved all my money for a Nintendo 64, so I missed out on all the PlayStation games that everybody talks about like ''Metal Gear Solid,'' ''(Castlevania: )Symphony of the Night,'' ''Final Fantasy VII,'' and, yes, ''Tomb Raider.'' In the mid 90's and early 2000's, ''Tomb Raider'' was one of the biggest game franchises. Every year, we got a new ''Tomb Raider'' game. I can see why people liked it. It revolutionized 3D platforming, the same way ''Super Mario 64'' did. The puzzles were fun, the settings were cool, the music was atmospheric, and the action was top-notch for the time.
:'''The Nerd''': Seemed like the only thing bigger than the games, was its star, Lara Croft.
:''[Hydlide theme plays]''
:'''The Nerd''': Lara Croft was basically Indiana Jones for the '90s. You thought Indy was badass? Lara goes from fighting wolves and dinosaurs, to mummies, and eventually, ''skinless Atlantean demons'' straight from a Clive Barker movie. Oh, and bats. She also fights bats. Can't forget those.
:''[Tomb Raider theme resumes]''
:'''The Nerd''': Lara Croft's popularity took the world by storm. She was the first female game protagonist to get this kind of attention. Her fame transcended the games, and she ended up being on the cover of magazines, and even the spokesperson for products. I'm not kidding. She was in car commercials, soda commercials, and an ad for ''Visa!'' Seems like the world was obsessed with Lara Croft. Even in the early episodes, when I always had that ''(The Legend of) Zelda'' poster, on the other side, Lara was here all along.
:'''The Nerd''': I'm not sure why everyone was into Lara Croft, but I can guess a couple of reasons. These days, she still appears in games, and even had a few movies based off her. Her fame might not be as big as it was back then, but it's clear she will still be kicking ass in video games for a long time.
:'''The Nerd''': But they can't all be hits, and that's why I'm gonna go on a journey to find the worst Tomb Raider games ever made! Now you gotta pack, because when you're dealing with shitty games, you gotta really be prepared for these! ''[he packs several firearms into a backpack]'' Because these games, who knows how bad they're gonna be?! I mean, we might find some ''vile'' fucking crap here! So, you gotta bring ''all'' the necessities here!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': So, here's ''[[w:Tomb Raider: Chronicles|Tomb Raider: Chronicles]],'' the fifth in the series, but the first to fail critically and financially. The game opens with Lara's funeral. Yeah, that's right. [[w:Tomb Raider: The Last Revelation|The last game]] ended with her dying. The developers were tired of doing Tomb Raider and hoped the fourth game would be the end. Well, maybe if I killed off my character, I wouldn't have to review any more shitty games! Nah, just kidding. Not yet. The game centers around a group of her friends sharing stories of her adventures. After that, we get a loading screen where I noticed something interesting. There's a credit, for Timex. Yeah, Timex, the watch company. What, did they make this game on a ZX Spectrum? Oh, here's why. It's an ad, for a grip-clip watch. Lara uses it in the game to keep track of her time and progress. So, right away, this game just sells out with a product placement! [[Wayne's World|It's like people only do things because they get paid. And that's just really sad.]]

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': ''(Tomb Raider: )Chronicles'' is just a soulless rehash of the other games and a shameless advertisement for a watch (almost) no one remembers. I don't know what else to say about it, so I'll just quote one of the developers of the game. &quot;''Tomb Raider 5'' was effectively '''''a load of OLD SHIT.''''' That was the most depressing one for us. We were effectively just doing that for a paycheck because no other team wanted to take it on. So, we had to do it, basically. By that time, it had taken its toll. Three years of hammering it, and we were burnt out. That shows in the product.&quot; ''[chuckles]'' Oh, my God! This might be the first time someone who made the game reviewed it for me! Huh. ''[tosses the game into the pool]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': So, here it is. The (un)holy grail of shitty ''Tomb Raider'' games: ''(Lara Croft: Tomb Raider - The )Angel of Darkness''. It was so bad it killed [[w:Core Design|the studio making it]] and nearly killed the whole franchise. This was the first Tomb Raider game on the PS2. It was gonna usher Lara Croft into a new age with a bigger, better adventure. There would be larger environments, and more stuff to do. It would be a whole new game...or it ''would've'' been if the development wasn't such a disaster.
:'''The Nerd''': The problems start right at the beginning. The opening cutscene introduces Lara in a dark office where her associate [Werner Von Croy] gets killed by someone offscreen. ''This'' is how you open your fun action-adventure game? By ripping off ''Clue?''
:'''The Nerd''': Compare this to the first game which opens in an exotic location and has Lara murdering ''fucking'' wolves! But then, ''(Lara Croft: Tomb Raider - The )Angel of Darkness'' starts off with a tutorial, and you ''better not fuck up'' because if you ''die without saving,'' you '''''start at the beginning.'''''
:'''The Nerd''': And I don't mean, &quot;The beginning of the level.&quot;, I mean, &quot;The beginning of the ''whole game.&quot;'' No checkpoints, nothing, so get used to saving.
:'''The Nerd''': ''Save'' after every puzzle, ''save'' after every enemy, and ''save'' after every jump. ''[sighs annoyedly]'' And the jumping. You would think, since this is PS2, the controls would be better than PS1! ''[chuckles sarcastically]'' But you'd be wrong. They're ''extremely clunky,'' and that's the reason why you die so much.
:'''The Nerd''': You know what would've been nice? A training section where I could practice these new controls without affecting the main game. You know, like the Croft Manor section of the old games.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': Now you have to reach a certain part in the game to get a new ability. Climbing this wall will make you be able to climb longer. Moving this box will give you the ability to move two boxes. Kicking a huge metal drawbridge will give you the ability to open a small door. That doesn't even make any sense!
:'''The Nerd''': The creators spent so much time figuring out how to make Lara's boobs jiggle, they forgot to make her fun to play. By the way, the camera in this game sucks. It constantly fucks you up and makes jumping difficult. At one point, the camera goes into Lara's head, and it's one of the most horrifying images I've seen!
:''[An intense horror scream sound effect plays in the background]''
:'''The Nerd''': In the words of one of the people who made the game, &quot;The camera was just a complete pig.&quot; ''[nods his head in agreement]'' Yeah, that's one way to put it.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Old Man''': Leave me alone. I'm busy.
:'''The Nerd''': ''[breaks the fourth wall]'' Busy? Busy doing what, staring at a wall?
:'''The Nerd''': A guy standing in the park all by himself saying he's &quot;busy&quot;. He looks like the least busy person in the world.
:'''The Nerd''': That's all he says. Turns out, he's one of two people who help you get into the club. I talked to someone else first, so that triggers this guy to just say the same thing, over and over.
:'''Old Man''': Leave me alone. I'm busy.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': ''[while he attempts to finish the game]'' I need to finish it! I need to finish the game!
:'''The Nerd's Dad''': Junior, let it go.
:'''The Nerd''': But I'm so close. I'm so close! I can finish it!
:'''The Nerd's Dad''': Nerd. ''[whispers]'' Let it go.
:'''The Nerd''': You're right. Fuck the shitty game. ''[drops the PlayStation 2 into the lava pit as it hits the lava and explodes into oblivion]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': So, the whole story is, the game was rushed out, unfinished, it failed, and then Core Design, the company who originally made ''Tomb Raider,'' shut down. It was ''so bad'' that Paramount blamed it for ''(Lara Croft: )Tomb Raider - (The) Cradle of Life's'' low box office.
:''[Wah-wah-wah-wah music plays as the low box office gross for ''Lara Croft: Tomb Raider - The Cradle of Life,'' which shows a 57% loss, is shown.]''
:'''The Nerd''': Oh, and have you ever noticed the Angelina Jolie ''Tomb Raider'' movies aren't called ''Tomb Raider?'' They're officially called ''Lara Croft: Tomb Raider'' and ''Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life.'' What a mouthful. Did they just read the movie poster out loud? Might be why it took 15 years to get another feature film, which was simply called, ''Tomb Raider,'' unless the real title was supposed to be: ''Alicia Vikander is Lara Croft Tomb Raider March 16th Experience It In IMAX.'' But that's probably too much for a theater marquee, right? Anyway, it was the end of an era, but my journey leads to one last game. One almost forgotten like the shit you took last month.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': ''[picks up the Nokia N-Gage]'' The [[w:Nokia N-Gage|Nokia N-Gage]]. Nokia's attempt to mix a phone with a gaming system. These days, it's common to play a game on your phone, but back then, options were... kinda limited, but Nokia was here to change that. They had a pretty impressive catalog, too. Stuff like ''Call of Duty,'' ''Tony Hawk's Pro Skater,'' and of course, ''Tomb Raider.'' Before we play the game, we have to put it in! Right? No problem, let's just pop the back off the phone, then you pull out the battery... Hmm. I hope no one tries to call me while I'm doing this.
:''[The scene cuts to Shit Pickle who tries to call the Nerd back at home, while the basement is occupied by Super Mecha Death Christ, the Glitch Gremlin, Charlie, and Munky Cheez.]''
:'''Shit Pickle''': Shit pickle, shit pickle! Shit pickle, shit pickle, shit pickle, shit pickle, shit pickle, shit pickle, shit pickle, shit pickle!
:'''Super Mecha Death Christ''': '''''FUCKERRRRS! FUCKERRRRS!'''''
:'''Munky Cheez''': '''''MUNKY CHEEEEEEEEEEEZE!!!!!!!!!!!!'''''
:''[The scene cuts back to the Nerd.]''
:'''The Nerd''': So, we insert the SD card, pop the battery back in, put the case( of the phone) back on, and we're ready.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': ''[after he reviews the Nokia N-Gage version of Tomb Raider]'' Well, it was an interesting experiment, but ultimately a failure. The (Nokia) N-Gage couldn't compete with Game Boy Advance, and eventually faded into obscurity.
:''[Suddenly, the ground rumbles and shakes with an explosion.]''
:'''The Nerd''': Oh, shit!
:''[The golden dragon appears from nowhere as he breathes fire and lands on the ground as he roars.]''
:'''Golden Dragon''': Leave me alone. I'm busy.
:''[The Nerd picks out two pistons and shoots the dragon repeatedly where he spontaneously combusts. The ground shakes again as the Nerd falls down to his death.]''
:'''The Nerd''': ''[shouts]'' '''''FUCK!!!'''''

=== Resident Evil Survivor ===
:'''The Nerd:''' This game is kicking the PlayStation while it's already down. Mainly in the balls.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:(''after the Nerd appears in the intro to the original'' Resident Evil)
:'''The Nerd''': You see that shit!? Well, I guess I gotta explain. The Umbrella Corporation, they moved in next door, set up a secret lab, and now there's monsters and stuff, and I dunno what to do! Well, I guess I'll pop in the disc, play some ''Resident Evil: Survivor'', have a pint, and wait for all of this to blow over.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': So this guy's seen hangin' from a helicopter, he falls off and the copter crashes. Then that same helicopter shits another guy out. Seriously, look at this! The helicopter's on fire, and this dude just shoots out like a turd with an explosive fart behind it!

=== Super Hydlide and Virtual Hydlide ===
:'''The Nerd''': Eight years ago, I played the first ''Hydlide''. Since then, I've gotten a lot of requests to review the other Hydlide games. The other ''Hydlide'' games? Because the first one was so good, you've gotta have more, no, sequels to games that already sucked Donkey Kong dong, that I can't stand! I can't stand the sound of it! Hydlide! ''HYDLIDE!'' (''vomits both sequels'')

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd:''' Imagine living in this world: you're late for work, so you skip breakfast, and then two hours later, you're in the middle of a meeting, and ya drop fuckin' DEAD in front all your coworkers! Nothin' left but a withered husk. Tragic.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': [''reading from Henry G. Frankfurt's'' On Bullshit] &quot;It does seem fitting to construe carelessly made shoddy goods as bullshit, but in what way? Is the resemblance that bullshit, itself, is invariably produced in a careless or self-indulgent manner that is never finely crafted? The word 'shit' does suggest this. Excrement is not designed or crafted at all. It is merely emitted (or dumped).&quot; So, while the game did not actually come out of somebody's asshole, it sure CAME OUT in the same manner!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': What the shit? Where's my save file? A game didn't save? Oh, that's right, the battery must be dead. Because the Sega Saturn has those... watch batteries inside you have to replace them. Yeah, it's this battery right here: 2032. ''(goes to the cash register and pushes the bell repeatedly)'' All right, I'm done running errands. Time to run virtual errands.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': Thankfully, Virtual Hydlide is over. The credits play, and ya get the List of Shame, set to some shitty stock JPEGs of the countryside. You wasted precious hours of your life, to give yourself eyestrain and motion sickness, and all you get is a fucking &quot;Congratulations!&quot; screen. Well, at least they spelled it right. Anyway, ''Virtual Hydlide'' is literally &quot;Bullshit&quot;. Oh, that's right; where'd I throw the book? Ah, well... whatever. I don't have anything planned anyway, so... (''scrolls up like a cel sheet, revealing a &quot;Conglaturation!!!&quot; message'')

=== Amiga CD³²™ ===
:'''The Nerd''': Commodore, once the most popular name in the home computer industry. Throughout the '80s, it held its own against industry giants and etched its place in video game history, with the VIC-20, Commodore 64, and Amiga line of computers. Though, sadly, as time went on, it went from competing with the likes of Apple and IBM... to just becoming... BM. After the video game crash of the '80s, companies emerged, like Nintendo and Sega, to pick up the pieces and resurrect the dying industry. Commodore would try to hang in there, but it ended up crumbling like week-old cat barf on a carpet. So, what went wrong? How could a company that once ruled the home computer industry be reduced to a small footnote in video game history? You wanna know the answer? ''[picks up the Amiga CD32]'' The Amiga CD32. Yeah. This thing was the straw that broke the camel's back, the shit-caked baby wipe that ruptured the septic tank. After declining sales in the late '80s and early '90s, Commodore decided to take a stab at console production. The CD32 was released in Europe and Canada in September of '93 and slated to release in the US, early the next year. But, guess what? It never happened. Commodore wasn't allowed to release it in the US, until they paid 10 million dollars in back-owed patent royalties. On top of that, the system was discontinued only eight months after being released, bankrupting the company. This console is such a joke that it ruined one of the biggest computer companies of all time in less than a year! Even if it did come out in the US, the original retail price for this monstrosity was 400 dollars, and that's in '93! Nowadays, with inflation, ballpark estimate, that equals almost 700 dollars! You could buy two PlayStation 4s for that price! What were they thinking?! Who in their right mind would buy this, when you could get a Super Nintendo or Sega Genesis for less than half the price? And, because I'm the Nerd, I'm gonna have to check out a stack of these games.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': ''[unable to play the CD³²]'' What the fuck? It won't start. It won't start! Start. Start! ''[pushes the buttons rapidly]'' How do you start? Oh, that's perfect. I have to hold the disc hatch down just to get the game to spin. What, did I really expect this thing to work? I don't even want to play this piece of fuck to begin with, let alone one-handed, holding the thing down to get it to function. ''[picks up a paint can]'' There we go, the brand new CD32 add-on, a paint can. It's like the hillbilly cousin of the 32X.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': ''[playing'' Dangerous Streets] Right off the bat, this is possibly the worst group of fighting game characters I've ever seen. Lookin' back at ''Street Fighter'' and ''Mortal Kombat'', each game had a group of memorable characters, like: Ryu, Guile, Scorpion, Liu Kang! This game has Futuristic Tommy Wiseau, Asscheek Lady, Spring Shoe Guy, Fat Guy with His Pants Undone, and a Native American guy '''TAKIN' A SHIT!''' And, there's this guy who was &quot;born in Pennsylvania&quot;... which just confuses the shit outta me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': ''[playing'' Gloom] You collect bouncing balls for guns, and baby bottles for health! What is this, like a ''spoof?!'' Like ''PO'ed''? Yeah, the game where you're shooting butts! But, that was done on purpose, as a ''parody! ''This one, '''it's just a fuckin' watered-down piece of shit'' Doom ''knockoff!'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': ''[playing'' Bubba 'n Stix] The gameplay is kinda like a puzzle platformer, where you have to use Stix to get past obstacles, like using him to pry this rock up, or sticking him into the wall to use as a platform. This part right here is pretty funny. You have to get close to these weird guys without interrupting their conversation, and then throw Stix, the character, at them. The graphics are really nice, too. It's cartoony and colorful, but not like the rainbow vomit from ''Oscar''. This is actually a good game. At least, until I get to the second level and I can't figure out what to do. And, I don't have the time to figure it out, so...oh, well, I guess we gotta move on. But, I can give this one the Nerd stamp of not shit!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''James D. Rolfe''': ''[receiving a call from the Nerd about a scene from the ''Surf Ninjas'' game]'' This is Cinemassacre Video, where selection is the name of the game. This is James speaking. How may I help you?
:'''The Nerd''': Yeah, okay, I just wanna ask you a quick question.
:'''James D. Rolfe''': Sure thing. Go right ahead.
:'''The Nerd''': Have you ever watched the movie, ''Surf Ninjas?''
:'''James D. Rolfe''': Yeah. In fact, I just had a chat with a bunch of friends all about that. Did you know that the costume designer was the same in ''Street Fighter: The Movie?'' That would explain all the blue camouflage--
:'''The Nerd''': Okay, okay. Look-look-look-look. I just wanna ask a fucking question. In the movie, ''Surf Ninjas,'' does anybody rip someone's heart out, Kano-style?
:'''James D. Rolfe''': Um... no, I don't think that happened in the movie.
:'''The Nerd''': ''[hangs up abruptly]'' See? I knew it.
:'''James D. Rolfe''': Hello? ''Hello?'' ''[sighs and hangs up phone; annoyed]'' Wow. What an asshole.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': ''[playing Kang Fu]'' I have no idea what to do here. I'm just hopping around, shooting a fucking machine gun! Why is it called ''Kang Fu''?! If he's not doing kung-fu, then he's got a machine gun! Oh, gosh. Oh, I'd rather be playing ''[[w:Shaq Fu|Shaq Fu]]''. I'd rather play ''[[w:U2|U2 Fu]]'' and ''[[Robin Williams|Robin Williams Fu]]''. I thought I knew what bad games were. I thought I was prepared, but I was wrong. ''[the game over screen appears with a picture of a dead kangaroo carcass in the desert]'' Oh, my God. ''[breaks into laughter]'' That game over screen! That is... I thought I've seen everything. But-But they use a real ph-photo. You go from a cartoony kangaroo to a real picture of a kangaroo skeleton in the fucking desert!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': One more: ''[[w:Zool|Zool]]''. Well, it's basically much the same as [[w:Atari Jaguar|Atari Jaguar]] ''[[w:Zool 2|Zool 2]]'', which I already covered before. It's another average platformer. It's so average it doesn't even matter. I don't have anything else to say about it, so let's just pretend I said nothing. In fact, let's just forget all about the [[w:Amiga CD32|Amiga CD&lt;sup&gt;32&lt;/sup&gt;]], which is one of the worst consoles I've ever played in my entire life. It's the equivalent of hyena diarrhea, and you know what hyenas eat? The leftover scraps of dead animals that predators didn't want. So, imagine a hyena's decaying intestinal tract, spraying liquefied death sauce at its shit chute, and there you have the Amiga CD&lt;sup&gt;32&lt;/sup&gt;. Fuck this thing, watch it go. ''[takes the Amiga CD&lt;sup&gt;32&lt;/sup&gt; to the trash and throws it into the garbage container]'' All right. Oh, that's right, I should've tossed this shit, too. ''[notices the warning label]'' Huh? &quot;Warning: Do not play track 1 of this game CD on any audio CD player.&quot; Huh? Why not? I have to find out.

=== The Town With No Name ===
:'''The Nerd:''' ''[after he beats The Town With No Name]'' Well, that's it. And the good news is I never have to play the Amiga CD³² ever again, and just to make sure this time, I'm sending this thing back to the depths of Hell!
:''[Nerd picks up the SNES Super Scope and Sega Menacer, and starts firing on the Amiga CD³² like crazy, then he puts them down and starts firing hadoukens etc.]''
:'''The Nerd:''' You know what? Fuck this digital shit. Because, this thing needs to be destroyed for real. I'm not jokin' around; I'm goin' practical. I'm gonna do the real fuckin' deal. 
:''[in the backyard, The Nerd puts the soon-to-be-dead Amiga CD³² on the table, brings a Boring Company flamethrower and fires at the console]''
:'''The Nerd:''' '''''HOW'S THAT FOR PRACTICAL?!''''' ''[the battery inside the Amiga CD³² explodes]'' '''''YEAH! BURN, BABY, BURN! YEEEAAAHHHH!!!''''' ''[Amiga CD³² melts down slowly]'' '''''WHEW, BOY! YE-HE-HE-HE-HEAAAH!!!'''''

=== Home Alone ===
:'''The Nerd''': (''looking down at a box of pizza delivered by Macaulay Culkin as a pizza delivery boy'') What's this?
:'''Pizza Boy''': A lovely cheese pizza; just for you.
:'''The Nerd''': You got the wrong house; I didn't order any pizza. But I'll take it anyway.
:(''He opens the pizza box to find'' Home Alone ''games on different consoles''.)
:'''The Nerd''': Oh, not funny.
:'''Pizza Boy''': Think of it as a gift; you owe it to yourself to play those games. I hear they're awesome.
:'''The Nerd''': No, they're not! Besides... I already reviewed both NES games: that first one where you're laying traps around the house that are enclosed in square tiles for no reason, where you're walkin' up the stairs like you took a dump, and that second one where you're running through the hotel, slidin' on your knees, fighting mops, vacuum cleaners and suitcases, and a chef that takes off his clothes. I'm already done with that, so get this shit out of here! And you better believe I'm leavin' a bad Yelp review.
:'''Pizza Boy''': That's just the NES versions; maybe the rest of them are better. I mean, look at how many of them there are, I mean, they can't all be bad... can they?
:'''The Nerd''': I admit I haven't played the rest. Have you?
:'''Pizza Boy''': No, but they all have Macaulay Culkin in them. I mean, how could you go wrong?
:'''The Nerd''': Well, maybe if they're not as bad as the NES games...
:'''Pizza Boy''': Come on. Everyone in the world shits on these games, and maybe you could change the world's mind. I mean, come on.
:'''The Nerd''': Okay, fine! But you're not going anywhere! You're gonna sit right here and suffer with me!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': (''covering the PS2'' Home Alone ''game'') The biggest anomaly of the group is definitely the PS2 version. It was only released in Europe in 2006. Yeah, a while after the movie!
:'''Pizza Boy''': Yeah, but that movie is just timeless.
:'''The Nerd''': It is, but this game, by all known laws of physics in the universe, has no right to exist! The mere idea would baffle the greatest scientific minds of our time. ''(holding the case)'' Besides, the style is completely different: it doesn't look anything like the movies, looks nothing like Macaulay Culkin, I don't even know why we're talking about it, so let's just pretend it doesn't exist.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': (''playing the SNES'' Home Alone ''game'') The object of is to run around the house, collecting valuable items to hide from the criminals. You can only hold a certain amount. When your hands are full, you have to drop them down a laundry chute which leads into a giant vault in the basement! Or Goro's lair, or whatever the hell this is.
:'''Pizza Boy''': Look, I know the movie was a long time ago and stuff, but I don't remember Kevin gathering together... candlesticks, money bags and giant emerald rings, and then, throwing them down a laundry chute? But what do I know?
:'''The Nerd''': The items are found in the most random places, (''sees Kevin fish a whole pizza out of a toilet'') like in a... toilet?! Wh-- I found an entire goddamn pizza! In a toilet!
:'''Pizza Boy''': (disgusted) Kevin would never grab anything out of a toilet...
:'''The Nerd''': (equally disgusted) Augh! Yeah, not even a pizza. I'm sure of it.
:'''Pizza Boy''': Yeah... Yeah... I mean, maybe I would have. You know, back in my... heady days.
:'''The Nerd''': You would have grabbed something out of a toilet?
:'''Pizza Boy''': Yeah.
:'''The Nerd''': Pizza?
:'''Pizza Boy''': You've never had toilet pizza?
:'''The Nerd''': Yeah.
:'''Pizza Boy''': Yeah.
:'''The Nerd''': Pizza shit.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Pizza Boy''': Did they really think I grew up in a house where giant frogs roam free in the hall? &quot;Yeah, we just had those suckers hoppin' all around, all the time! Mr. Frog House!&quot; I've never had to collect 35 pets, drop them down a laundry chute, and into a bank vault! Are you fucking kidding me?! What kind of asshole does this game think I am?! I can't believe they'd get away with this... I mean... you go to the store and... you see your face on a cartridge, and go like &quot;I wanna play with myself, all day long!&quot;Every kid deserves a video game based on themselves, am I right? But no. No, they shat on me! They shat on my legacy! (''begins crying'') What am I gonna do?!
:'''The Nerd''': Wait a minute... You're not a real pizza boy! (''rips of name tag'') You're... M-- M-- Maculkin! I'm playin' ''Home Alone'' games... ...with Macaulay Culkin!!! (''screams a la Kevin'')
:'''Culkin''': Really? Really... Never seen that before. That's-- that's new. Can we just get back to the fucking games?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Culkin''': (''playing the SNES'' Home Alone 2 ''game'') Why is the entire hotel trying to kill me? I mean-- they have a bunch of fuckin' bombs behind the check-in desks! I mean, do they hate their child customers so much that they have to lob lobby bombs at them? And yes, that was pretty hard to say!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Culkin''': (''while battling Harry and Marv at the tree'') Y'know, once I had to fight a demonic tree... It was terrible... I don't know how the game developers found that out.
:'''The Nerd''': &quot;Demonic evil tree&quot;? They-- They exist? And this... this happened to you? Do you remember, like, what... ...um, how did it... happen? Li-- what...
:'''Culkin''': It was a long time ago.
:'''The Nerd''': I know, I know, it's--
:'''Culkin''': DON'T TOUCH ME!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': (''playing'' Home Alone 2 ''for Genesis'') Well, this is off to a frustrating start. Why is everyone in the entire airport tryna kill you? What did Kevin do to instigate all this?
:'''Culkin''': I mean, maybe because they had me pelting innocent businessmen with baseballs? &quot;Here comes Kevin McAllister; he gives 'em a big ol' concussion with a fuckin' baseball!&quot; Right to the dome, look at that! Bam! I'm shooting a poor balloon salesman... and stealing his balloons to get past the TSA. They're making me a fuggin' asshole!
:'''The Nerd''': At least you get to see Kevin take out airport security with a water fountain. And then they all just fall through the floor, while Kevin looks at you like, &quot;What the fuck?&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Culkin''': This game is like... poop! From a... a buffalo butt!
:'''The Nerd''': Diarrhea, it's gotta be diarrhea! Just go for it!
:'''Culkin''': Okay! I got it...! I would rather do a human centipede with the Wet Bandits! Marv in my mouth, HARRY IN MY ASS! I'll turn them into the Sticky Bandits!
:'''The Nerd''': (disgusted) Augh, dude! Augh!
:'''Culkin''': No, think about it. Think about it. Close your eyes.
:'''The Nerd''': Naw, I-- No I don't....
:'''Culkin''': No....
:'''The Nerd''': And that's from the web series that brought you &quot;Shredder's my ass and Splinter's my balls!&quot;

== Season Thirteen ==

=== Chronologically Confused about Kingdom Hearts Timeline ===

=== Video Game Magazines ===

=== Aladdin Deck Enhancer (NES) ===
:'''The Nerd''': Aladdin took an upper-decker in my toilet!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': (after he plays the same Micro Machines game, he sighs) The games are exactly the same. There's no difference! The deck enhancer is an add-on that adds nothing! They sold you the same games with some assembly required. It'll be like getting a new sprayer for your garden hose, but it doesn't fit, unless you get some special adapter. So you buy the adapter, but the sprayer still doesn't fit. So now, you have to find a completely different sprayer that only exists in special stores, and then you find out it works the same as the old sprayer, doing a no better job washing away the horseshit! Actually, there was some purpose, theoretically, it was meant to reduce cost. The Deck Enhancer contains most of the necessary chips that could make a regular NES game work. So, the Aladdin games could be smaller and cheaper. The mentality was that you'd invest a Deck Enhancer, and then build up your collection for a low price. Well, no thank you, I think I'll just stick to my regular, unlicensed, third-party, crappy Camerica games. Oh, but of course there was that one exclusive game: Dizzy the Adventurer. Does that one make it worth it? ''(Dizzy jumps in and falls into the water as he dies in the game while the word says &quot;Splash&quot;)'' No. It doesn't.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': That box is a prime example of false advertising. Upgrade your Ninfuckingtendo Entertainment System? More like UPPER DECKING IT! And that's not a joke. I mean it. It is the electronic equivalent of an upper-decker. With the Aladdin, the components that normally go inside an NES cartridge are instead deposited into the deck. In the same way, the turds, which are usually preferred to land in the toilet bowl, are instead dumped into the upper tank. Therefore when the toilet is flushed, the bowl fills with shit water, and after that, it's the shit that keeps on giving. Would you consider that an enhancement to your toilet? Well, give it a try, and you'll know EXACTLY what the Aladdin does to your NES! Why does the box say &quot;Aladdin is the future in console gameplay&quot;? The Sega Genesis and Super Nintendo were already out! That's like saying you invented a brand new car that's got new safety features, and uses clean energy, but it's got pillows tied to it and it runs on coal! This thing had no future at all! All the &quot;Coming Soon&quot; games were cancelled, and Camerica went out of business right after this thing was... released? (He weakenly laughs, then he shouts) They went out of business right after it was ANNOUNCED! (He stammers, then he picks up the box and gets hit by the instructions) I—it was a death sentence! A curse! A curse that shrouds its release status in all-consuming mystery! Not even the Gaming Historian found any clear proof that it ever got officially released. I mean, sure, it got made an—and discovered thanks to inventory liquidators and eBay, bu—but if this thing never officially came out, then not only did it not have any future... it didn't have any past, either! How am I supposed to take you back to the past, when there's no fucking past?! I have no business complaining about something that didn't even come out! I wasted my breath! Why did I have to find this thing?! Aahh, I might as well just be diggin' into the Devil's asshole! Fuck!
:''(The Genie appears filled with sewage from a septic tank that previously came from the Nerd's second wish.)''
:'''The Genie''': Hey, I'm back.
:'''The Nerd''': What are you doing back here?
:'''The Genie''': Look, man, I'm just here to grant your last wish so I can get out of here.
:'''The Nerd''': Oh, yeah, that's right. I get one more wish. Okay, well, for my last wish... I wish... you know, I think we've both suffered enough. Yeah, so... I wish... every Aladdin Deck Enhancer, on the whole planet Earth... will fucking explode.
:'''The Genie''': You got it, dude! Smell ya later!

=== Pepsiman (PS1) ===
:'''The Nerd''': (''given the PS1'' Pepsiman ''game'') Well thanks Pepsiman, that's very interesting. But i have other junk food games like I could play, like ''Cool Spot''. (''Cool Spot'' is turned into ''Pepsiman'') Oh, come on! Oh well, I could always play ''Chester Cheetah''! (''Chester Cheetah'' is turned into ''Pepsiman'') Aw! Well how 'bout uh... ''Big Bumpin''? (Big Bumpin' ''is turned into'' Pepsiman) Aw, man... How 'bout uh... ''Kool-Aid Man''? (Kool-Aid Man ''is turned into'' Pepsiman) Goddammit, you silly fuck! I don't wanna play ''Pepsiman''! (''Pepsiman opens his mouth and hisses menacingly'') Okay, Jeez! I'll play ''Pepsiman''!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': Mm-Mm, that's enough for me, this game's too monotonous! ''[Gets up to leave]''
:''[Pepsiman grabs the Nerd and forces him back onto the couch]''
:'''Pepsiman''': ''[Hisses angrily]''
:'''The Nerd''': Oh, dude, DUDE! Your breath! It smells like tooth decay! Here, have some Mentos! ''[Produces a packet of Mentos]''
:'''Pepsiman''': ''[Screams and retreats]''
:'''The Nerd''': Wow! Um... that worked Thanks to Mentos!
:''[Close-up of the Nerd with the Mentos logo]''
:'''Announcer''': Mentos! The Freshmaker!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': You know, Pepsiman is a rather sad tale. Pepsiman can make Pepsi for everybody... except himself.
:''[Pepsiman hangs his head sadly]''
:'''Singers''': ''[Pitched down]'' ''#PEPSIMAAAAN!#''

=== Superman 64 Returns!! ===
:'''The Nerd''': Time to do a super game. ''(shows the cartridge of the Nintendo 64 game)'' ''[[w:Super Mario 64|Super Mario 64]]''. ''(A heat vision zaps the cartridge away as the camera reveals the antennae-gold Superman 64 cartridge.)'' No! That's right, it's back. ''(shows footage from his Superman 64 review)'' I already played this game, I already showed you how bad it is, but it gets worse. Much worse. First, a little background. I've complained already they should've used the Superman Theme, you know, by John Williams. But I didn't know at the time, this was based on ''[[Superman: The Animated Series]]''. It was the second in what's often called the Timmverse, or DC Animated Universe, which consisted of the highly acclaimed ''[[Batman: The Animated Series]]'', ''[[The New Batman Adventures]]'', ''[[Batman Beyond]]'', ''[[Static Shock]]'', ''The Zeta Project'', which absolutely no one remembers, then finally, ''[[Justice League (TV series)|Justice League]]'' and ''[[Justice League Unlimited]]'', with a few features sprinkled here and there. ''Superman: The Animated Series'' helped bring a lot of the mythology from the comics to a whole new audience. Characters who were often excluded from previous TV or film incarnations finally got more attention, and have since gained popularity and shown up in other shows and movies. It was regarded as a great series, so it's surprising it led to one of the worst games ever made. Alright, enough of the history lesson. Let's get on with this shit. So, here's an interesting detail I missed before: The story of the game is that Lex Luthor has hidden Lois Lane, Jimmy Olsen and Emil Hamilton in his virtual world. That's right, this entire video game takes place inside... a video game. You'd think a genius like Lex Luthor would use his ability to create anything in a virtual world, and come up with some crazy obstacles or enemies for Superman to face. So what did he decide on? You know. Rings. ''(Superman flies over to the last bit of rings and then screen cuts to black.)'' Yeah. Not messing around this time.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': Oh, no! They move!! Why do they have to move?! ''[sarcastically]'' Ooh, wow! Yeah, they really changed it up!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': Well, this is the ugliest digital Superman face I've ever seen! ''[a shot of Superman's face from [[Justice League (2017 film)|Justice League]], which was digitally edited to remove Henry Cavill's moustache]'' Second-ugliest.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': You wanna know the worst thing about those ring levels? Right when you're getting the hang of it, the game will glitch, and send you flying across the map for no goddamn mother'''''FUCKING''''' reason! So you have to backtrack or restart.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': If you get too far away, a Shadow Guy will spawn in front of her. And I am so sick of saying &quot;Shadow Guy&quot;!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': ''[after a weak boss battle; annoyed]'' Again?
:''[cut to even more rings]''
:'''Superman:''' Then there's no time to waste!
:'''The Nerd''': ''[horrified]'' '''AGAIN?!''' ''[runs into the camera while he screams]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': ''[after the final boss battle]'' You want to know somethin' else that's a real kick in the ass? In recent years, a ROM of the game surfaced which was of the unreleased PlayStation version, and it actually looks... alright. The levels look unique, the bad guys look cooler, the controls... don't seem great, but it looks like they work! According to Tit-us, after all the changes they were forced to make for the Nintendo version, their license ran out and they couldn't release it. Instead, we got this rancid anus tart of a game vomiting green rings in our face! ''[the antennae-gold Superman 64 cartridge growls, the Nerd looks at it and the cartridge zaps lasers from Superman's eyes and the Nerd dodges as he grunts and groans thoroughly. He takes out the N64 console and the Superman 64 cartridge zaps heat vision, slowly heading for the good games.]'' '''''NO-O-O-O-O!!''''' Please, don't! Don't hurt the good, innocent games! ''[takes out the Superman 64 cartridge from the N64, barely saving the good games, and then he breaks the cartridge in plastic. He sighs and [[w:Man of Steel (film)|cries out in agony]].]''

=== Life of Black Tiger with Gilbert Gottfried ===
:'''Fred Fuchs''': WHO THE FUCK GOES THERE? WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?! ANSWER ME, TOUGH GUY, OR I'LL BLAST A HOLE IN YOU SO BIG I CAN STICK MY COCK IN IT! (getting wistful) And I don't wanna brag, but...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Fred Fuchs''': Oh, I'm sorry. I'm just a guy who built a computer in the jungle without electricity or internet. I'm not educated enough for the guy WHO TALKS ABOUT BUFFALO SHIT IN HIS BASEMENT!
:'''The Nerd''': ...I guess that's a good point.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Fred Fuchs''': You might wanna be a bit nicer about the game, considering the fact THAT I'M THE ONE WITH THE MOTHERFUCKING RIFLE!!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': &quot;Survive 'till the fixed time&quot;... What, were you fucking stoned when you wrote this?
:'''Fred Fuchs''': Yes.
:'''The Nerd''': Thought so.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Fred Fuchs''': Sometimes, you just gotta run like Hell from your problems.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Fred Fuchs''': It's an artistic interpretation of jungle life, you uncultured swine! I'm a goddamn artist, and this is my masterpiece! Obviously, too artsy-fartsy for your plebeian palate!
:'''The Nerd''': Aren't you doused in urine?
:'''Fred Fuchs''': From head to toe.

=== Chex Quest ===
:'''The Nerd:''' Oh, hey, you're back, again. You wanna play some more shitty games? You know what? I just woke up. I just woke up! Can I just have my healthy, balanced breakfast?! ''[he pours out the cereal and a CD falls out]'' What the hell? ''[picks up a CD from the cereal]'' ''Chex Quest''? A game? Inside a cereal box? I swear, if a Chex Man comes out and starts turning all my games into Chex, I'm gonna lose it! I just got rid of all that Pepsi left over from that silver son of a bitch! But man, this takes me back.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd:''' I really need to go food shopping somewhere besides eBay.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd:''' Seems the game developers enjoyed working on this, and adding their own flavor! To a game... about a cereal... with no flavor.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd:''' Yes, I'm sorry I didn't have more negative to say, I was really tryin' here, um... I know I haven't filled my curse quota for this episode, so... fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd:''' And if you're not convinced, if a family-friendly first-person shooter isn't really your thing, if you need some carnage and mayhem, if you don't wanna send the Flemoids back to their dimension, you wanna send them to fucking hell?! Well, I got the game for you. Motherfucking '''''BRUTAL CHEX QUEST!!!!!''''' That's right! With GZDoom, you get access to a bunch of awesome mods, one of them being the Brutal Doom mod, which also works on Chex Quest. Play through the entirety of all three Chex Quest games, but get rid of those pussy Zorchers! Lay waste to the Flemoids! Make sure they can never come back to Cereal dimension, because they're fucking dead! ''[shouts]'' '''''FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!''''' This basically takes all the family-friendliness out of the game, and makes Chex Man the fucking Chex Hitman! Chex &quot;The Hitman&quot; Hart! So after you get your fill of the original Chex Quest, pop in Brutal Chex Quest, and murder the shit outta some Flemoids! I don't know what a Flemoid is, but I fucking killed their ass! And when you play a game as brutal as ''Brutal Chex Quest'', what you need is a brutal cereal to go with it!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd:''' &lt;em&gt;&lt;strong&gt;BRUTAL CHEX!&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/em&gt; It's Chex... on steroids! &lt;em&gt;ILLEEEGAL&lt;/em&gt; steroids! Made from broken glass, rusty fuckin' nails, and whole grain rice. This cereal will start your day... if it doesn't end your life! Fortified with calcium from the bones of fallen angel wings! The only cereal eaten by both God &lt;em&gt;and&lt;/em&gt; Satan! It's a straight kick to your Muddy Buddies - and Brutal Chex turns your milk &lt;em&gt;RED, FROM YOUR OWN BLOOD&lt;/em&gt; POURING OUT OF YOUR &lt;em&gt;FUCKING SCREAMING MOOOOOOOUTH!&lt;/em&gt; (50 free hours of America Online included.)

=== [[w:Trespasser (video game)|Jurassic Park: Trespasser]] ===

=== [[w:The Immortal (video game)|The Immortal]] ===
:''[episode opens on magazine pages about The Immortal, along with the box and manual pages. Pan up, Nerd's hand slides the cartridge out of the shelf. He walks over to the floor, lifts the carpet to reveal a secret door, and opens it. The AVGN title card is shown, accompanied by the &quot;The Immortal&quot; title with blood splatter and malicious laughter.]''
:''[A dark dungeon, decorated with skulls and dangling chains. The Nerd appears, wrapped in a cloak and holding the cartridge.]''
:'''The Nerd:''' Anguish. Lament. Oh, how hath ye been cursed if thou hath playeth a game as archaically, diarrhetically ''shit-holic'' as ''The Immortal'' on thy NES. Whence I came, my basement chamber above, where I desprayed such demeaning, failed electronic attempts at merriment, but when they're as loathly as thee, it is but I who has thus sworn to suffer as I descend deeper into the catacombs, a place where true shit goes to lie face-first down in smoldering decay; a place where sorrows exceed the souls, and vanquished beings meet their fate. Medieval torture, man; The head-crusher, the rack, the pendulum, the iron maiden, but none as dreadful as ''this.'' Behold.
:''[the game's demo is already playing on a small monitor. The Nerd walks over to it.]''
:'''The Nerd:''' Reset, and here we go, the plight begins. Feast your eyes on this accursed nonsense. So, as soon as the game begins, it gives you a warning: &quot;It might be a good idea to move.&quot; Hmm. And it ''kills'' you. Right away, they pull something like ''that.'' At least, they warned you. But it might as well warn you the moment you put this game in, you're doomed... with life. So let's try it again. Into the next room. ''[3 seconds later]'' A-and look at that! They put that right there, right outside the door? Ohhh, one-hit death traps. That's real classy. Let's reset. Okay, here we go. Uh. So, this isometric angle definitely makes things a little difficult. When you're just moving the D-pad all over the place, it kind of just, you know, it's just a guessing game of which direction to push.
:And here we go, you fight the goblin, and it goes into this battle mode, and, to tell you the truth, in the dark ages of 8-bit entertainment, these graphics are a marvelous sight to laud. But, if thine playeth oneself, you shall hear upon cry the tears of despair and agony as thou realize thou caught in an eternal button-masher. Yeah, that's all you do; is just mash buttons. And the thing is, you have a fire attack. I mean, look at this, you can shoot fireballs, but that doesn't work against the goblins. But you talk to this guy here, and, um...yada-yada, forgive my haste. The important thing to know: he gave me a key. And then, I move on to the treasure chest, I use the key...to open the treasure, and I get...20 gold pieces. A bag of bait, and a sack of bad-smelling spores. Hmm. Well, we all know what ''this'' game's a bad-smelling sack of. So into the next room. Uh. As you can see, going diagonal is kinda tough. I'm gonna use the bait on this goblins. Let's just see what happens here. Do it? Yes, of course.
:''[the bait summons a worm that eats the character]''
:'''The Nerd:''' ''[shocked gasp]'' It ''kills'' you! Look, even the ''items'' kill you! ''Wow!'' Now that is a cheap shot. Alright, let's try again. Into the next room, and...dodge the fireballs-- I mean, not, the arrows...and whatever it throws your way. This game throws everything but the kitchen sink-- A-A-And look! Invisible pits?! Confound it all! Ohhh, I beg of you, have pity! Oh, wow, that's a good one. That's classic. Oh, boy. And the thing about this game is the familiar premise of controlling a wizard navigating through a labyrinth of dungeon cells brings to mind similar games like ''Gauntlet,'' or the obvious ''(The Legend of) Zelda.'' ''[chuckles darkly]'' But those examples only conjure up thy false jolly hopes. As thou seen in my lair above, the artwork in the Nintendo Power magazine and in the instruction manual look divine, but nay, it is but filth. The game is naught of all that is goodly, plagued with visuals cursing the eyes of ye of ill mortals to witness. The shades and hues hereupon are like the bile of a dying bear that consumed only skunks, smeared with the milk of a witch's tits, fused with garlic, and druid dump. Yeah. And there's another goblin. Ugh, so repetitive, you just mash those buttons. Like a disorderly arfarfanarf. I'd rather be bescumbered with dysentery. That's worse than diarrhea because it includes blood and mucus. I'm sorry, that's disgusting, but so is this!
:''[a goblin appears behind the Nerd and roars. The Nerd yells in shock, runs to grab a cane from the floor and begins fighting the goblin ''The Immortal''-style.]''
:'''The Nerd:''' Curse you, foul, abhorrent beast! ''[defeats the goblin, who drops to the floor.]'' Eureka! A key! ''[grabs the key from behind the goblin and discovers a door.]'' Yonder I shall go, as I proceed in my journey to further experience the tragedy of ''The Immortal.'' Why must it be I, cursed by the gaming gods, to endure this vomitorium? ''[unlocks the door.]'' Yeah, &quot;vomitorium&quot;. Yeah, that, that's an interesting word. It means, or it was thought to have meant a place where the ancient Romans would all vomit during feasts to make room for more food, but that's just a misconception. It actually means a large colosseum passage that large crowds can exit through rapidly. Such as large crowds of vomit particles rapidly exiting a mouth, ''gaping in misery over a '''foul, wretched video game!''''' Anyway, ''The Immortal.'' Let's go.
:''[the Nerd walks through the door and discovers a group of skeletons.]''
:'''The Nerd:''' Death. It is all death here. It began as a gamer's revelry. Those making merry, to open the game on birthdays and holidays with the flames of excitement and adventure in their eyes, but as the agonizing torment set in, as the game mercilessly chastised and dominated them, the instinct to survive faded as the flames in their eyes diminished, and one by one, the revelers all dropped to their knees. Challenge is one thing, but in this game, every step can be deadly; Arrows, flames, giant worms, and there's bats that blend with the dark backgrounds. I mean, how can you avoid something which you cannot see? Trap doors are everywhere, which is a cheap shot, no question about it. I mean, can, can I walk here, or will the floor swallow me? I mean, you'll never know. There's no strategy; no reward for skill. Thou must play it repeatedly to memorize where the pits are. These invisible pits are nothing but a cheap, mean-spirited beginner's trap meant to elicit false and ill-earned replay value.
:'''The Nerd:''' And also, if you touch ''anything,'' you die. Step on the wrong floor tile, you die. Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-- You search the same spot more than once, you die. You approach a ladder or try to climb down a hole from the wrong side, you die. You stand still for too long, you die. You see some tiny little pixel that might be something you can pick up? Nay! Chances are it is but death! In other words, bullshit of the lowest standard. And as mentioned, even thine inventory kills you. When you can't even trust the items, what ''can'' you do? Your character is vulnerable to everything, and for a game called ''The Immortal,'' it begs the question: Who is The Immortal? Because it's certainly not the main character.
:'''The Nerd:''' At one point, in the very first level, you get an amulet, which has an incantation on it. You're given the chance to read it, but if you pick &quot;Yes&quot;, you die. However, the amulet is required to beat the level, so don't read that! But I repeat, the item that is required to beat the level can also kill you! How could you make a game in the year of 1990 following a wealth of other games and ignore all that was done previously right? ''What art thou thinking?'' This was made by Electronic Arts? More like Electronic '''''FAAAAAAARTS!'''''
:''[the Nerd drops down to the floor and rests near a stone.]''
:'''The Nerd:''' Ugh. And-- Just-- Oh, for...fucking hell, this forsaken dungeon. And if you thought this torture couldn't get any worse, it does, by enlightening you on how the game could have been better. It was originally made for PCs, like the Apple IIGS, the Amiga, the Atari ST and Sega Genesis. And it's no surprise the Genesis version is better, but all of them had much cleaner graphics. I mean, they're bright and they look more crisp, and plus, the other versions, especially the (Sega) Genesis( version), had gore! Yeah! Fatalities, years before ''Mortal Kombat.'' Heads get sliced off, and, look at that, like, bodies get cut in half vertically, heads explode. I mean, this is-- this game had balls, but it was neutered on the NES. And wouldn't you think the NES, the flagship of all nostalgic video game consoles, would be home to an acceptable version of this? It was a good game. It was a good game. It even-- Even had gore! And-- And I was just playing a bad version all along on the NES. Ugh. ''[sobs angrily]'' Why? Why?! Ugh!
:'''The Nerd:''' Ohh, I-- I can't take it anymore! I thought I knew shit, but nothing could prepare me for this repulsive dung heap! It's a repetitive task, going through the same motions, only to progress one inch closer to the goal. It taunts you; The game knows. It allows you to get one step slightly further. It's like running a hundred-meter dash, but with a bungee cord attached. As soon as you make it near the finish line, it ''yanks'' you back. It's a journey so far travelled, yet barely have you gone forward.
:'''The Nerd:''' And however, if you do make it to the end by some miracle, you have to face a dragon. That's right, it always ends with a dragon. So with this dragon, you're powerless to fight him; you can only use defensive maneuvers. So what you need to do here...is dodge...six of the, the fire breaths with six blink spells. Now, you only have six blink spells, so if you miss one, then you're done; you have to start over. And this dragon, sometimes it shoots the fire right away, other times it leans back and, like, fakes you out. So, you have to memorize the pattern. And that's not all. There's a seventh breath where you have to use the fire protection spell, and again, it's all at a ''very specific time.'' If you miss it, it's over. And that's what sums up this game: just memorizing patterns, and knowing which items to use in which order, i-it's all cryptic trial of error. Just like ''Dragon's Lair.''
:'''The Nerd:''' Ohh, ''The Immortal'' will live on forever as a sadistic, demented electronic mechanism of human suffering. Ohh! Some masochistic alchemist invented this concoction of death traps, awkward combat, stiff controls, items that kill you, constantly dying and starting over. It only leaves you with frustration, anger, sadness and crippling disappointment, emotions that belong nowhere near video games. And when the manual's more fun to read than playing the actual game, you ''know'' you're in trouble. I long for a time when I knew not what this game was. I long for the ''Big Rigs,'' the LJNs, the Fred Fuchs of yesteryear! I rue the day I ever became trapped in ''The Immortal,'' '''''a game where I've stared at the same room so long, the pixelated walls have become my eternal home! I RUE THE DAY I WAS BORN UPON THIS EARTH WHICH HAD SPAWNED SUCH PRIMORDIAL, PUTRID ENGINEERS CAPABLE OF CREATING SOMETHING SO APOCALYPTICALLY HORRID!''''' ''[puts his hands on his chest and moans]'' '''''NEVER SHALL I TOUCH A GAME LIKE THIS AGAIN! I'd rather have a warlord...SHOVE A MORNINGSTAR UP MY ASS!''''' ''[a light comes on from off screen]'' Ah. The light. I must escape. This way.
:''[the Nerd walks away from the wall, and into a cave, where he comes face to face with a growling dragon.]''
:'''The Nerd:''' Oh! ''[ducks]'' Oh, good lord! ''[ducks]'' Ah! Ah! Begone, vile fiend! ''[ducks]'' Ahh! Oh, my-- It's futile. I can't win. Smite me, you will. Incinerate me! Banish me to Hell if you wish! ''If Hell is the way out, then Hell it shall be! '''AAAAH!'''''
:''[the Nerd falls to the dragon's fire. The dragon flows off screen.]''

=== Spawn Games ===
:'''Clown''': Now you're pushin' ''my'' buttons!  You mentioned Mortal Kombat like twice now, but did not mention that Spawn was in MP11!?  Although, to be fair, he was paid DLC, which is pretty evil.  Even by Hell's standards.  Spawn was available for free in Soul Calibur II on Xbox, but that game's kinda wussy.  You couldn't even rip of a single opponent's arm!  Oh, yeah!  Talk about the arm rip!

=== The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask ===

== Season Fourteen ==

=== Raid 2020 ===

=== Mortal Kombat 1 Ports ===

=== Mortal Kombat Rip-Offs ===

=== Dennis the Menace ===
:'''The Nerd:''' This game sucks my ass with the Shop-Vac! It rivals torture devices like the rack, the pendulum, and the iron fuckin' maiden! And if I ever have to play this shit again, I'll cut my fuckin' hands off! I'd rather be waterboarded with week old diarrhea! I'd rather deliberately give myself splinters on my scrotum and then tear them out with my teeth! I'd rather snort a line of piss-caked cat litter than ever let this game soil my Super Nintendo again! Fuck every single thing about this game, and fuck everyone who made it! Fuck everyone who played it too, like myself! ''Dennis the Menace''?! More like ''DEN-'''ASS''' THE MEN-'''ASS'''!''

=== The Incredible Crash Dummies ===

=== Bad Final Fight Games ===

=== Mission Impossible ===

=== Ecco the Dolphin ===
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': This game shoots diarrhea it its festering blowhole, raining down on the aquatic ass masters of the Asslantic Ocean! I swear on Poseidon's puckered pisshole that this game makes me wanna cram a crusty crab up my cornhole! Ecco the Dolphin? More like... Fucking Shit Dolphin!

=== Countdown Vampires ===

=== The Legend of Kage ===

=== Taito Legends ===

=== The Simpsons: Bartman Meets Radioactive Man ===

== Season Fifteen ==

=== Shrek: Fairy Tale Freakdown ===
:'''The Nerd''': You're gonna kill me? Because I don't like [[w:Shrek|Shrek]]? It's a shitty 20-year-old movie! You people are crazy! I don't believe any of this!

=== Darkman ===

=== Fear and Loathing in Vegas Stakes ===

=== 3DO Interactive Player ===

=== Corpse Killer ===

=== Sega Game Gear VHS Tapes ===

=== Carmaggedon 64 ===

=== Pac-Man 2: The New Adventures ===

=== The Rocketeer ===
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': '''''WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?!?!?!?!?!''''' It's worse than the NES version! It might even be worse than Wizard of Oz or Hong Kong 97! This might be the worst fucking Super Nintendo game I ever played! It just started, and I can't even figure out what to do! This seems like a deliberate attempt to waste the player's time as much as possible. And not just to waste your time, but the straight up to insult you. You expected to get The Rocketeer. Jetpack flying, hand to hand combat, gunplay, action and adventure. But no, instead, you're immediately forced to go to an endless circle like a dog chasing a turd stuck to its anus. I'm pushing down the speed button, but I keep losing the race and bumping into the fucking towers!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': ''[after he failed to win the Super Nintendo version of The Rocketeer]'' I feel bad for anyone who played this. Imagine the kids who got this from Toys R Us thinking, &quot;Yay! The Rocketeer!&quot; Only to get this poor lousy steaming pile of garbage! Let's take care of these games the right way. Let's strap these fuckers to two bottles of Rolling Rock which I turned it into the Rocket Beer. Now, let's literally watch it go. ''[opens two bottles of Rolling Rock as the Rocket Beer flies and crashes into the Hollywoodland sign]''

=== Greendog: The Beached Surfer Dude ===

=== Commodore 64 ===

=== Freddy and Jason Commodore 64 ===

=== LJN Games Part One (Movie Games) ===
:'''The Nerd''': How can I do this? How can I live up to the massive duty that has fallen upon me? My destiny has emerged and the ultimate reckoning has drawn near! I must not fail. I must look the demon in the face! (the devil shows up) Not you, you piece of shit! I'm talking this. (picks up the document) This piece of paper is what will propel me into my final encounter with my arch nemesis! The unholy of asses, the shit from the pit, the ''nightmare'' in six colors, the ''rainbow'' of death, the ''Laughing Joking Numbnuts'', '''''[[w:LJN|L... J... N]]!'''''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': I'm about to embark on a mission to come to terms with LJN once and for all. As you can see here on my wall of LJN kills, I've already eliminated several of these foul, catastrophic fuck nuggets. But now's the time to take care of the rest, and this document here was sent to me from LJN. (thinks) They're still around? Well, not exactly. It's complicated. So, before I tell you what's at stake here, let's go into a little background.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': First of all, who are and who were LJN? We all know their distinct brand of games the same way you recognize the specific smell of your dog's farts. You take one ghastly whiff, and you know ''exactly'' where it came from. From your dog's anus. But LJN was like [[w:The Master of Disguise|the master of disguise]]. As a kid, when I rented these games from the video store say ''Back to the Future'' or ''Roger Rabbit'', nothing seemed immediately wrong. The graphics usually seemed nice, and they all had a playability factor. But the further you go, the worst it would get. Like in the final stage of ''Back to the Future'' when you're driving the DeLorean, if you lose, you start back at the beginning of the game! No matter how many continues you have! What bullshit! The NES library had plenty worst games by other publishers, so LJN was definitely not the bottom of the turd totem pole. But that made their crimes even more detestable because they tricked you into thinking the games were good. Especially when so many of them were based on well-known franchises. With other shitty games, you wouldn't waste as much of your time. You realize it's shitty right away right away and turn it off. But LJN had that sneaky style to rope you in. But even though they had a distinct brand, their games were actually made by several different development companies, so LJN was only a publisher. In a sense, they were the colon and the developers were the anus. The companies, just to name a few, were [[w:Beam Software|Beam Software]], [[w:Atlus|Atlus]], and the one that developed perhaps the worst one, Bill &amp; Ted, was called Rocket Science. Wow, damn, I'm glad they didn't actually go into rocket science. The one that's the most shocking to know of is [[w:Rare (company)|Rare]] who made Beetlejuice, Nightmare on Elm Street, and a few others. They're probably better known for non-LJN games like ''[[w:Battletoads (1991 video game)|Battletoads]]'', and would eventually have a partnership with Nintendo on ''[[w:Killer Instinct|Killer Instinct]]'' and ''[[w:Donkey Kong Country|Donkey Kong Country]]''. I would have never guessed such awesome games came from a company that had anything to do with LJN! So even though LJN was the publisher, their games are still called &quot;LJN games&quot; in the same way that the [[w:Teenage Mutant Ninja Turltes (2014 film)|2014 Ninja Turtles]] movie was called &quot;A [[w:Michael Bay|Michael Bay]] Movie&quot;, even though he produced it and did not direct. But to answer the question who exactly were LJN, we'd have to trace it all the way back to its founder, a guy named [[w:Jack Friedman|Jack Friedman]]. He started LJN as a toy company in 1970, and I've heard he named it after his employer, Norman J. Lewis, reversing his initials to LJN. That was until it officially became Laughing Joking Numbnuts. At first, LJN only made toys, before branching into video games. In the 80's, I remember playing these toys, like the wrestling figures. So, I had nothing but positive memories there. Guess they should've stuck with toys. So anyway, in '85, [[w:MCA Inc.|MCA]] bought LJN, but then in '90 sold it to [[w:Acclaim Entertainment|Acclaim]], who in '95, dissolved LJN even though they used the name once again in 2000. As for Jack Friedman, in '90, he formed [[w:THQ|Toy Headquarters (THQ)]], eventually leaving and forming [[w:Jakks Pacific|Jakks Pacific]]. And sad to say, Jack passed away in 2010. Rest in peace.

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:'''The Nerd''': So, basically, the rights to LJN have been all over the place and lately have existed in sort of a phantom limbo. But this document, from the current owners certifies me as the sole inheritance of the name LJN!
:''(The Nerd looks at his certification which makes him the owner of LJN. It was signed by Fred Fucks on December 1, 2021.)''
:'''The Nerd''': (sighs) How could this happen to me? (throws certificate) With great power, comes great responsibility! And with me, as the head of LJN, I will ''UNDO'' the wrongs of the past, and prove that there is gold at the end of this rainbow!
:''(The Nerd walks to his [[w:Commodore 64|Commodore 64]].)''
:'''The Nerd''': I'll be doing the remakes of the LJN game library that starts with ''Back to the Future'' that used the same limitations they had back then. Except this time, it'll be done right. So... (he types on the keyboard) let me introduce you to my game designer, Sam. How you doing, Sam?
:'''Sam Beddoes''': (appears on the screen) Hey, Nerd, I'm doing great. I'm really excited to be working on this. What are you calling me from?
:'''The Nerd''': It's, uh, Commodore 64.
:'''Sam Beddoes''': How does that eve... It's very important. Listen, Universal has a strict deadline on this, so it has to be ready in time for the Christmas shopping season.
:'''The Nerd''': So, um, the actors, the likenesses, the music. Do we have, you know, everything signed off?
:'''Sam Beddoes''': Uh... Yeah, I'm working on it, but it's almost there.
:'''The Nerd''': So, we want this to be more of a fun action experience. You know, racing around on a skateboard, lots of enemies, characters from the movies.
:'''Sam Beddoes''': Ah, sounds good. I'll get to work and report back soon.
:'''The Nerd''': Thanks, Sam. (turns off his Commodore 64) That new game's gonna be good. Better be.

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:'''The Nerd''': While he's working on that, I'm gonna get down to business and review the rest of the LJN library. It's like cleaning the cat piss stain on the back of the box litter. One of these days, you're just gonna have to do it. But how many games are we exactly talking about here?
:''(shows two pieces of shits; one labeled as &quot;Genesis&quot; and one labeled as “Dreamcast”, implying that the LJN brand appeared on those consoles at one point.)''
:'''The Nerd''': The LJN stamp appeared primarily on three consoles; the [[w:Nintendo Entertainment System|NES]], [[w:Game Boy|Game Boy]], and [[w:Super Nintendo Entertainment System|Super Nintendo]]. With a few lone shit nuggets. For reviewing purposes, I'll be grouping them into categories; Movie-based games, sports games, [[w:Marvel Entertainment|Marvel]] games, wrestling games, and miscellaneous. In total, I've counted 67 games to the best of my research, including one game console, the [[w:LJN Video Art|LJN Video Art]], which thankfully, I've already covered.
:'''The Nerd from LJN Video Art review''': The joystick moves the cursor about. To draw, or, should I say to scribble around like a blind golden lion Tamarin on speed, you press down the button. And when you're pushing down the button and rocking the joystick around like this, it squeaks! ''(the joystick squeaks gratingly)'' Oh! ''(groans)'' That's awful!
:'''The Nerd''': Yeah, that thing sucked. But anyway, the criteria is that every game must have the LJN logo on the box or the cartridge with the exception of two that have LJN only on the copyright screen. These are just gonna be samplings, every LJN game will be shown, and after I've finally acknowledged them all, I can move on with my life. ''(goes to the futon and sits down)'' First, let's talk about the movie-based games. Now, fortunately, I've already covered most of them. Ahh, memories. Cue mandatory milestone episode number flashback sequence.

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:'''The Nerd''': ''(on Terminator 2 Arcade on Game Boy)'' Oh, but they also made the Game Boy version of Terminator 2 arcade, which I said very little, but that's because there's nothing to say. Look at it! ''(the gameplay footage is shown)'' If I heard that, I'd think it was an Atari game. What's the point of taking an arcade and watering it down to Game Boy? I guess you can take it on the school bus, to the mall, to the arcade. Then there's Beetlejuice on NES.

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:'''The Nerd''': ''(on Beetlejuice on Game Boy)'' But I didn't talk about Beetlejuice on Game Boy based on the cartoon. Uh-oh, the ghost got in the washing machine! They're fucking shit up! Gotta fight the clothes and the sheet ghost! Which is, um, a sheet with a ghost inside? So that's the main goal. You have to fight all the ghosts, which is the opposite of what Beetlejuice normally does. Doesn't he haunt a house? Not un-haunt it? What's next, are the Ghostbusters the ones letting the ghosts in? There's a bunch of crappy minigames. Here the idea is, who can make the freakiest face? By tapping directions on the D-pad. That’s a new one. Then there’s a game where you connect pipes. Wow, does this look like fun? No, it isn't. Even Mario and Luigi, who were plumbers, never had to bother with this type of shit! But the worst, is the stairs. At random, they'll flatten, and send you sliding back down! Motherfuckers. And it keeps happening, over and over, with no pattern or predictability! ''(Beetlejuice dies from an enemy)'' Agh! You fuck!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': ''(on Bill &amp; Ted's Excellent Game Boy Adventure)'' But if you want more fun, you should try out ''Bill &amp; Ted'' on Game Boy! Even though I'm trying to be sarcastic, it actually ''is'' more fun. Though very basic. It’s sort of an old school arcade style thing, where you just go around collecting orbs and dodging a bunch of Abe Lincolns. There’s almost nothing to say, but in this case, that's a good thing. Because this is such a sharp contrast to the NES version. I can’t think of any other example where a Game Boy version is far superior!

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:'''The Nerd''': ''(on Alien 3 on Game Boy and Super Nintendo)'' But wait, there's more! Alien 3 on Game Boy turns Ripley into a stick figure, or, maybe it's an alien, I don't know. So all I did in this game was walk around like an idiot. There's ladders everywhere, but you can't go up any. Found some alien eggs. Touched 'em, and died. Lots of people walkin' around. Can't talk to them or anything. No hints! No direction! No map! This belongs to a certain genre. Strategy guide seller games. But Alien 3 fared a little better on the Super Nintendo. The graphics are good, the music is tense, and the control is smooth. You have a variety of weapons. You can select different missions like, save prisoners or destroy alien eggs. Though the enemies come a little too often. I wish there was a map. Somethin' like Super Metroid would've helped. There’s a blueprint system that you find on the wall but any time you’re lost, you have to make it back over there. Kinda like stopping at a gas station before GPS was invented. The best part is the Game Over voice...
:'''Private Hudson (voiceover)''': Game over, man!
:'''The Nerd''': ...which was from Aliens, not Alien 3. But who cares.

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:'''The Nerd''': Well, here's one that I missed in my Arnold Schwarzenegger Games episode, True Lies. It’s one of my favorites of his. Not just for the action, but also the humor. The game retains some of that humor. Like when you shoot an innocent civilian, your assistant, the Tom Arnold character, gives you shit about it. Also, when you die, he says things like, &quot;You only have one life left!”, as if he’s witnessing you die and resurrect. But wait, what do you do if a civilian is blocking the path? (Harry tries going through the door, but a server is blocking him) He won't move! (The Nerd presses the button to shoot the server blocking Harry, and his assistant complains about it) But when you fail, ''this'' happens! (Harry dies. An explosion sound is heard in-game, and a picture of a mushroom cloud is shown.) Now that's what you call a Game Over. It really does emphasize the magnitude of the defeat. '''''BOOM! YOU'RE DEAD, MOTHERFUCKER!''''' Unfortunately, the game is very monotonous. Even though the scene changes from the mansion, the mall, the park, it’s all the same, top down, run around and shoot crap. When you think of the movie, you remember the bathroom fight, the horse on the roof chase, the bridge scene, the Jamie Lee Curtis strip dance. I wonder how that would've worked. It does have the plane finale, but it’s just an automatic cutscene. Oh, and of course, there had to be a Game Boy version. Here, Arnold looks like a pill from Dr. Mario with a gun. It’s the same thing. Shoot bad guys, but avoid civilians. And anytime you shoot, you’re guaranteed to get shot back. It’s better to just walk past them. All in all, it's the same as the Super Nintendo version, just shittier.
:''(Footage from the movie &quot;True Lies&quot; is shown)''
:'''Harry''': You're fired.
:''(Harry shoots the &quot;True Lies&quot; Game Boy cartridge at a helicopter. It explodes into pieces)''

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:'''The Nerd''': LJN even made games based on movies you might not remember like Warlock. The graphics and animation are pretty nice. The gameplay is basic enough. Run to the right, blast everything in sight. It’s fine for a bit until you realize how resilient these enemies are. Stay down ya zombie fuck! STAY DOWN! Then you run into these archers. Die you fuck bugger! And every time you get hit, you get knocked back half a screen. ''(he struggles to defeat an archer)'' Look how long it takes to beat this guy! Die! DIE! DIE! Oh my God, when are they gonna die?! WHEN ARE THEY GONNA DIE?! Oh, my God! Then these gargoyles keep coming at me and they take just as long to kill. Every enemy is like a mini boss battle! The control is clumsy; you can't attack and move at the same time. When you die, it sends you back to the title screen. Instead of simply continuing, you have to go to &quot;Preparations&quot;, that brings up a menu with the password option. You enter the password, and then you wait through a cut scene with a book. And being a magic wizard and all, I can't see how water kills you. And it’s not clear how I'm supposed to make this jump, anyway. Hey. I got a magic trick. ''(The Nerd covers his right fist with a piece of paper towel. When he takes off the paper towel, he reveals he was holding a middle finger)''

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:'''The Nerd''': LJN even made a game based on the '95 swashbuckling adventure, ''[[w:Cutthroat Island|Cutthroat Island]]'', which, according to the ''[[w:Guinness World Records|Guinness World Records]]'', as of 2012, was the biggest box-office failure of all time. Oh, and then add the LJN logo, it's the perfect storm. So the first level is... okay. It's just a dumb beat 'em up game with cartoonish graphics. The animation is good. There's a variety of sword swipes and rolls you can perform. It's not bad, really... until you get to the next level. Now you're in a wooden cart ramming into enemies. You just mow them all down. Seems simple enough, but if you hit a rock or a tree, you die instantly. There's no death animation, it just fades to black and restarts the stage, so if you blink, you might not even notice what happened. Like when I hit this guy, I had no idea how I lost, but it turns out, you need to avoid him! But how the hell was I supposed to know that? You run over everyone else; why not him?!

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:'''The Nerd''': All right, let's check on Sam. ''(he goes to his Commodore 64, pushes the space button and turns it on)'' Hey, Sam, how's the game looking?
:'''Sam Beddoes''': Yeah, uh, she's pretty good you know all things considered I mean, the NES is a little harder to program for than I expected but you know it's, it's coming together you can see. Well hey, why don't you try it out for yourself? It’s an early build, but I think it's prominent.
:'''The Nerd''': ''(holds a prototype cartridge)'' Quick delivery. ''(inserts the cartridge into the Nintendo Entertainment System and plays the prototype game as Marty jumps through obstacles and on enemies against a blue background)'' All right. Okay, it's a good start. I mean we need some kind of power ups, here. So can we put Hill Valley in the background there, have some time travel, get the DeLorean up to 88?
:'''Sam Beddoes''': Yeah, w-we got time.
:'''The Nerd''': Maybe have the holographic shark?
:'''Sam Beddoes''': Oh, totally as a boss fight!
:'''The Nerd''': Do we get all the actors to sign off yet?
:'''Sam Beddoes''': Yeah, yeah, well, well, well, well, no, uh, working on it. It- It’s almost there.
:'''The Nerd''': It's a good start. But yeah, there's a lot left to do.
:'''Sam Beddoes''': Oh, let's get back to work!
:'''The Nerd''': I'll check in on you again soon.
:''(The Nerd turns off his Commodore 64)''
:'''The Nerd''': It's gonna be good. It's gonna be good.

=== LJN Games Part Two (Sports and Marvel Games) ===
:'''The Nerd''': Once again, the mission here is to sample every LJN game. I've already taken care of the movie-based games, but now, let's get into the sports games, which is a little bit of a problem for me because I don't know anything about basketball, or baseball, or... football.

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:'''The Nerd''': I wanna know that shit! Somebody's weight changes, buy it again. Somebody changes team, buy it again. Somebody's score changes, buy it again! NEW PAINT ON THE COURT, BUY IT AGAIN: '''''AAAAH!!!!! SPORTS!!!!!''''' ''(chugs down a can of Rolling Rock)''

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:'''The Nerd''': ''(to the tune of baseball anthem while he plays Roger Clemens MVP Baseball on Super Nintendo)Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck! Fuck fuck fuck '''''fuck! Fuck fuck fuck fuck! Fuck fuck fuck FUCK! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK! FUCK FUCK FUCK! MOTHER THE FUCK, THE FUCK!!!!!'''''

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:'''The Nerd''': Now it's time for motherfucking football with just plain ass NFL. Not as blunt on Football on Atari, but simple, just the same. No Madden, no year, none of that shit. As natural as a nature trail. Undiluted, genuine, uncontaminated, straighter to the point than the co-nose of a fresh expelled cat turd! Not named after the amount of yards, the field is, or the length it takes for your dog to walk to take a shit! Not named after the TV channel, or a college, or the type of skin on the ball! No Montana, Colorado, ESPN, ES go fuck yourself! '''''JUST PLAIN ASS PERFECTION!''''' ''(slams fist on futon)'' '''''AS UNDISPUTABLE AS DEATH! THREE LETTERS! UP YOUR ASS! N! F! L!''''' ''(furiously throws the NFL NES cartridge into the NES)''

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:'''The Nerd''': ''(on NFL Quarterback Club on Super Nintendo)'' Oh, the decisions in life. Should you go to college? Should you get married, divorced? Should you move into a house or an apartment? Should you have a kid or adopt, or have a pet? But then, comes a question greater than any in the history of human civilization. A question that concerns the very ground on which we stand! It’s the fundamental surface of the warriors' trial! From the ancient coliseums to the arena fields! It’s the very vegetation that grows beneath! It’s the cycle of life! '''''IT’S A PIVOTAL DECISION THAT WILL FOREVER ALTER THE COURSE OF TIME! IT’S HUMANITY’S MOST CRITICAL JUDGMENT! THE FATE OF ALL EXISTENCE DEPENDS ON IT! AND NOW, AT THIS MAJOR TURNING POINT, AS YOU STAND AT THE BURNING CROSSROADS UNDER THE LIGHT OF GOD, AND ASK YOURSELF, &quot;WHAT'LL IT BE?! GRASS?! OR TURF?!&quot;''''' That’s a ''very'' important decision!

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:'''The Nerd''': Let's check on Sam. ''(pushes the space button)''
:'''Sam Beddoes''': Hey, Nerd.
:'''The Nerd''': Hey, how's it coming?
:'''Sam Beddoes''': Yeah, it's coming along, try it out.
:''(The Nerd begins playing the prototype game. Marty is jumping through obstacles, collecting clocks, and stomping on enemies.)''
:'''The Nerd''': O-Okay. Um, what-... Clocks? Really? Clocks again?
:Sam Beddoes: Uh you know, time! Isn’t it?
:The Nerd: I- Okay, we need to change the clocks. We can’t have clocks in the game.
:Sam Beddoes: Got it, got it, right, changing the clocks. No clocks.
:The Nerd: You didn’t get the licensing, did you?
:Sam Beddoes: Uh… the hoverboard… uh, that we got that. It’s it’s pink and yellow.
:The Nerd: How are you supposed to control this?
:Sam Beddoes: Yes, so there’s like an acceleration, deceleration thing going on there so it feels kind of like uh… actually hovering on a hoverboard. I’m still working on getting it to be actually playable.
:The Nerd: Yeah, playable! That would be… something.
:Sam Beddoes: Yeah yeah, it’ll get there.
:The Nerd: The holographic shark. W-what is going on with it?
:Sam Beddoes: Okay, so the-the NES couldn’t actually do like transparencies so to make something look kind of transparent, you had a frame where you could see it and a frame where you couldn’t see it. See? You can see it’s like flashing on and off and if you put on a really old CRT TV, it kind of looks transparent and you only get a tiny little bit of a headache!
:The Nerd: A tiny bit of a headache. Okay, t-this really needs to get fixed. How much time do we have to finish this again?
:Sam Beddoes: (checks his watch) Uh… Ah! Um… plenty of time. We're good.
:''(The Nerd turns off his C64 system)''
:'''The Nerd''': All right. Well, that'll get strained out. Anyway, we already took care of the LJN sports games. So next, let’s check out the LJN Marvel games which consist of Spider-Man, X-Men, and The Punisher. First up, the Spider-Man games. Luckily, I already covered some of them.

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:'''The Nerd''': But there's more! The Game Boy version had sequels. Oh, yes. Here comes ''Spider-Man 2''. I can't blame myself for missing it. It looks similar, but the controls are very different, especially the way the web works. You got to stick onto things and sort of like, ugah… like just swing yourself around. It-It’s kind of like, uh… You know, like, uh… like Spider-Man. Yeah, it’s a good attempt, unlike the first Game Boy game, where the web was automatic. Here, it’s more calculated, until you run out. Now you’re on your own. So you go around fighting enemies, climbing walls. It’s your usual friendly neighborhood Spider-Man game. What’s this? A dead end? (Spider-Man dies to the electric fence) Ooh! Literally a dead end! Well, I'll know next time not to touch the electric fence! Well damn. What's next, Spider-Man 3 on Game Boy? ''(laughs and sighs)'' Yeah. Who would've guessed this would be a trilogy? ''Spider-Man 3: Invasion of the Spider Slayers''. Oh, boy. When it starts, you’re just running around a park beating people up. Then you reach a dead end, at least one that doesn’t kill you this time. So you’re just running back and forth taking out enemies until finally, an arrow appears at the bottom and lets you leave the stage. Next thing, I’m fighting a xenomorph alien! I mean, it looks exactly like Alien. Then there's some weird boss. Is it a bird? A robot claw? I don't know, but it's the shyest boss in game history. Won't come anywhere inside the screen. So fuck this!

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:'''The Nerd''': Moving onto the [[w:Super Nintendo Entertainment System|Super Nintendo]], we have ''[[w:Spider-Man and the X-Men in Arcade's Revenge|Spider-Man and X-Men in Arcade's Revenge]]''. At first, I thought the arcade machine was gonna get revenge, but it's actually the name of the villain. You start out as Spider-Man, and I don’t mean to say everything always sounds like farts, but when your Spidey-senses go off, just listen! ''(Plays the Spider-Sense sound effect)'' The goal is to collect these little things in a specific order, as if just fighting your way to the end of the stage wouldn’t have been enough. So the game just started and already, it’s an annoying maze. At least there’s arrows to tell you where to go so I’m just going to follow… Uh… Wait wait wait wait, which which way now? Wha- Uh- Left! Right! Down! Up! Left! Right! Left! Down! Up! The arrows can’t even make up their minds. After you clear the level, you get a character select screen. Each character has their own stage. Wolverine's fighting clowns, Jack-in-the-boxes with machine guns, and toy soldiers from Wizard of Oz. Storm’s level is an underwater stage. I figured she’d be flying, not swimming. And here’s Cyclops’ stage. What the fuck? The floor’s electric?! That scream is hilarious by the way. (Plays Cyclops’ death scream) And look at that silly kick. Urgh! Urgh! Urgh! So to avoid the floor, always make sure to ride the cart. There we go! All good! ''(The minecart explodes, and Cyclops dies. In response to this, the Nerd drops his SNES controller and uses his left hand as a UFO to reveal a middle finger)'' And if you wanted Arcade's Revenge on the go, well, here’s the Game Boy version. Same game. Same old shit. Nothing more to say. Except that wall climbing. Oh man. Get up there! Get up there! Damn it! Ahh!

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:'''The Nerd''': There is another one on Super Nintendo, just called ''[[w:Spider-Man (1995 video game)|Spider-Man]]''. Though it's based on the [[w:Spider-Man (1994 TV series)|animated series]]. ''(Super Nintendo version of Spider-Man theme plays)'' Gotta love that song. ''(lip syncs to the Spider-Man theme)'' It's another action game. It's colorful and appealing, at first. Love Spider-Man's walk cycle, walking like a tough guy. Reminds me of [[w:Henery Hawk|Henery Hawk]]. You can even punch computers. Make 'em explode! Yeah! That’s how I feel whenever my computer gives me shit! What’s this? Am I standing on an NES console? Anyway, you just gotta go around fighting enemies. Seems all fine and dandy, until you come to this barricade. Motherfucker, I tried kicking it over and over, till finally I managed to knock it down. Persistence and luck.But there is one more LJN Spider-Man game on Super Nintendo, that I covered already.
:''(Clips from &quot;Wish List Part 2&quot; are shown)''
:'''The Nerd from Wish List Part 2''': Let's end with ''[[w:Spider-Man and Venom: Maximum Carnage|Spider-Man: Maximum Carnage]]'' on Super Nintendo. Everyone says I should play this one, as if I haven't already played enough Spider-Man games. Well, it's a beat-'em-up game. Monotonous, but fun. The controls are responsive, and the hit detection works fine. It can be a little frustrating, but not too bad. And the music is upbeat and energizing. I found a good Spider-Man game! Who made this game? ''(he turns to the upper side of the game box and reveals the LJN logo with shock)'' They made a game that's not shit! ''(yells)'' '''''IT'S NOOOOOOOOT SHIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!''''' ''(faints)''
:'''The Nerd''': Yeah, I couldn't find much to complain there. But anyway, let's move onto the X-Men games. Now, there were two on NES by LJN, and thankfully, I've covered these as well.

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:'''The Nerd''': But they also made a Wolverine game on Super Nintendo ''[[w:Wolverine: Adamantium Rage|Adamantium Rage]]''. There’s no color scheme. Everything looks like a mess. The controls take time to get used to. Any simple button command sends me flying, jumping and somersaulting all over the place like a maniac. It’s a confusing maze with background doors that you can’t go in. I keep getting lost! And look how jittery Wolverine’s movement is! He only goes fast, and still. Two geared diarrhea. And falling through platforms? Oh yeah, gotta have that. But at least you can dig at the floor, like a cat burying its shit. Everything I press does some stupid move, and I don’t know where I’m supposed to go because everything looks the same! Right about now, I’m feeling some adamantium rage. ''(puts down his SNES controller, blows to his closed fist, and gets out a middle finger claw)''

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:'''The Nerd''': Next up, ''[[w:The Punisher (1990 NES video game)|The Punisher]]''! I once made Pat play this game but I’ve never actually reviewed it myself. But that’s because there’s almost nothing to say! It’s just a crosshair point and shoot game. It’s so bland. It doesn’t even have music most the time! As a rental, in 1990, it wasn’t bad as a time killer, just blasting away everything on screen just as you’re blasting away your brain cells. If it moves, shoot it. If it doesn’t move, shoot it. During the boss fight, you can use your fists and feet. And after you kill them, it says “R.I.P”. Wow. In video games, you don’t think about all the people you kill. You take it for granted. But here comes a game that reminds you of the mortality to rub it in your face and say, “This man is dead! And you killed him! Hope you’re happy!” Then came ''[[w:The Punisher: The Ultimate Payback!|The Punisher: Ultimate Payback]]'' on Game Boy. As expected, it's much more primitive. But the shocking thing, it has music. So that’s one major advantage over the NES version. You have to avoid shooting innocent people, even though it just takes some life away. I mean you'd think there'd be bigger consequences than that. And when an enemy takes a hostage, you just gotta watch your aim. And then Spider-Man comes in! Oh-ho-ho! Spider-Man's in this game! It's the Game Boy Cinematic Universe. ''(the in-game text says &quot;Well, I suppose that you did OK, Punisher.&quot;)'' And that covers the Marvel Games.

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:''(The Nerd goes to his Commodore 64 and turns it on)''
:'''The Nerd''':All right, Sam. How's the game going?
:'''Sam Beddoes''': Uh, you know, it's getting there, but uh, I mean there's a little bit of sprite flicker. Uh... Why don't you try it out?
:'''(The Nerd plays the prototype game again. This time, clocks are replaced with hourglasses and there are death blocks in the stage)''
:'''The Nerd''': Hourglasses?
:'''Sam Beddoes''': Well, you said no clocks.
:'''The Nerd''': No! We need something else!
:'''Sam Beddoes''': ...Sundials?
:'''The Nerd''': ''(stutters)'' Wait. D-death blocks?! Oh, these remind me of something.
:'''Sam Beddoes''': Uh, well see that that would be that'll be a thing called developer difficulty, where if you are testing your own game 24 hours a day, seven days a week, and not sleeping, you get really good at it and so the game ends up like way, way harder than you think it is.
:'''The Nerd''': Yeah, we need to tone down the difficulty.
:'''Sam Beddoes''': It's okay, okay, we got a focus group lined up. Universal has done it for us.
:'''The Nerd''': Wait, everything's flickering!
:'''Sam Beddoes'': Yeah, that's um, that's the NES uh, the uh, I can't do too many sprites on the screen at once, otherwise it starts flickering. I'm still working on the solution for that whole thing.
:'''The Nerd''': Okay, I can't even control which way I'm supposed to be going! Okay, well, maybe, can we move on to another console?
:'''Sam Beddoes''': That would entail starting over from scratch.
:'''The Nerd''': All right. Keep it on the NES! Get it fixed!
:''(The Nerd turns off his C64 system and sighs)''
:'''The Angry Angry Video Game Nerd Nerd''': What were you thinking?!
:'''The Nerd''': ''(yelps)''

=== LJN Games Part Three (Wrestling and Other Games) ===
:'''The Nerd''': Oh, God. ''(exhales)'' I gotta focus on my task here, acknowledge every LJN game, and then, I can move on. All right, now let's get to the wrestling games next. Now, there were three on NES, brandishing the LJN logo. And thankfully, I've already talked about them.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': One funny thing I forgot to mention was that both in ''Wrestlemania Challenge'' and ''King of the Ring'', you can play as yourself. What the hell's that supposed to mean? It's not like you can customize it to actually look like yourself. ''King of the Ring'' also had a Game Boy version. It's similar to the NES version, but even more awkward and with Atari sounds. WWF more like WTF. WWF Superstars was a big improvement, better graphics, has music during the match, but whenever the characters get close, their bodies sort of fuse together, it's weird. Then there's WWF Superstars 2. Hey it's on the title screen and they're already wrestling. It's impressive they include the wrestler's theme songs. ''(Hulk Hogan's theme song plays on Game Boy)'' You have the option to fight in the cage match, which I don't really see the point of, But hey each Game Boy version is an improvement over the last.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': Next up we have a trilogy on Super Nintendo. In my wrestling episode, I trashed all three of these games, but I have to admit these were fun. The first was WWF Super Wrestle Mania, it had a great character lineup and seeing the faces all digitized was new and exciting, it gave you the option of flighting one on one or tag team, and you had a variety of moves to pull off, you could jump off the ropes, and even fight outside the ring, it introduced a grapple system where you got to tap the button real fast to perform a move. So if you're playing with a friend, it's all about who has the fastest thumbs, and that's when it gets crazy, you gotta fucking tap that shit like grease lightning and if you're both the same speed, it'll go on forever. Yeah, you haven't experienced anything until you've been in a fucking thumb war over LJN wrestling games on Super Nintendo. Yeah! The second in the trilogy was WWF Royal Rumble, This is the one I used to play the most as a kid, I always remember how when you flip the through the character screens, their theme song plays, I had never heard such awesome synthesized metal coming through my Super Nintendo. Sometimes I'd cycle through these tunes and just let it play in my room. Yeah! The game itself functions like the last one, but improved with the option of the royal rumble of course, this is where it gets nuts, having all those characters fill the ring, unleashing pure chaos and pandemonium, and if you get thrown out, you can still sit back and watch the rest of the fight. The third in the trilogy was WWF Raw and Wow, what a trippy opening, at first I thought the game was glitching. So this version is like royal rumble on crack, now there's mega moves and finishing moves, I don't know but at a certain point, I think enough is enough, the computer opponents are much harder I have to say, Overall, It's fun crazy wrestling action, and the chair hit never gets old. That's my favorite wrestling trope, there just happens to be a chair there, so might as well hit somebody, only problem they usually don't want to come near. Come on, anybody, who wants to get hit by a chair? But then of course, there was WWF Raw on Game Boy. Going from the Super Nintendo, to these tiny characters on a portable screen? Yeah. The fixed camera angle with a wide view of the ring doesn't help. The grapple button mashing is way more tiring on the D-pad, so, I say fuck it. And that covers the Wrestling Games.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': All right, Sam. How's the game coming?
:'''Sam Beddoes''': Yeah, this is okay, so I got the feedback from the focus group. Um, the difficulty is too high, the game is too easy, too many enemies, not enough opponents to fight with. Somebody says that they really want hula girls and the bowling ball weapon.
:'''The Nerd''': This is... horrible! Do we even have any, um, any power-ups at all now?
:'''Sam Beddoes''': Uh, well, you said no-no hourglasses. So, the time kind of runs out a bit quick.
:'''The Nerd''': What's happening with the music here?
:''(The Power of Love plays at a bit speed)''
:'''Sam Beddoes''': Okay, so, we had The Power of Love, uh, and, um, well, we couldn't, you know, the licensing and everything. So, I sped it right up, so you can't even recognize it because I had to avoid the licensing issues.
:'''The Nerd''': Oh, no, no, you didn't avoid the licensing issues and put the... ''(grunts)'' The bowling ball!
:'''Sam Beddoes''': Since anyone knows the focus group wanted the bowling balls man, I don't know why.
:'''The Nerd''': Who wanted to avoid the licensing issues and have bowling balls? Oh, the flickering is worse. Oh, the controls are worse. Oh, the time limit is worse! Oh, we-we are spiraling into the toilet here!
:'''Sam Beddoes''': Uh, just while they have you, we do need to mix the time travel, the Hill Valley background, uh, and a few other things just because of time constraints.
:'''The Nerd''': Fine, fine. Just make it playable. Make it work. How much time do we have to fix this?
:'''Sam Beddoes''': Okay, so, the-the deadline is, uh, let me take a look. ''(looks at his watch)'' Two hours from now. Hope you got a flux capacitor!
:'''The Nerd''': ''(inhales sharply)'' All right, you got one last chance! Don't fuck this up! ''(slams the space button to turn off his Commodore 64)''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': All right, let's finish the LJN library. But before we end this, it's worth mentioning they also made a gaming accessory, the Roll 'n Rocker, which I already covered.
:'''The Nerd from NES Accessories review''': It's another hunk of plastic! Who made this thing?! ''(turns the Roll 'n Rocker to see that it was made by LJN)'' Son of a bitch. ''(Beetlejuice walks just in place)'' I'm drinking Rolling Rock on the Roll 'n Rocker. Rolling Rock, Roll 'n Rocker! Yeah, Rolling Rock on the Roll 'n Rocker!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': But now, let's get into all the miscellaneous games, the LJN leftovers. First up is Pictionary. That's right, the word-guessing, drawing game now on your NES. Seems like a good idea actually, how could you screw that up? The free drawing game, where you can just doodle whatever you want, is so bad, it almost rivals the LJN Video Art. It controls like garbage, the way you have to rotate the tool around and how it speeds away like a runaway rocket makes you wish you had an Etch-a-Sketch instead. And the erase sound effect... ''(the sound effect plays as he recognizes the funny 8-bit sound)'' I think I've heard that before. Is that from Ghostbusters?
:'''The Nerd (Ep 21)''': ''(crosses the streams, the Ghostbusters turn into pixels and a funny 8-bit noise is heard) Now ''that's'' epic.
:'''The Nerd''': When you play the main game, it becomes immediately clear that this is not the Pictionary you'd except, there's a game on the side that has an astronaut kicking around balls or firefighters catching people out a window who won't wait their turn, or a guy carrying crates, don't you hate it when you're trying to stack crates and frog heads keep bothering you? The idea is to last as long as possible in these mini-games, as the more points you get, the more of the picture on the right gets uncovered, when you lose the mini-game, You're left to solve the word for the picture even if the picture is nowhere near complete, so I've been able to guess many of them, but when you can barely see much of it, what's the point. How am I supposed to know what that is? How about fuck you!
:''(The middle finger picture shows up and the Nerd becomes surprised)''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': One game I remember seeing as a kid was ''[[w:Gotcha! The Sport!|Gotcha! The Sport!]]''. When I saw the cover, I was intrigued because I thought that red splash was blood, but it's actually a paintball capture the flag style game, thank god The Punisher's not playing. The interesting thing is that the game was part of a marketing franchise of toy guns for kids that shot washable paint, they were made by LJN's enter tech division, the other weird thing is that it's sorta based on the comedy action film Gotcha! from '85 starring Anthony Edwards. I'd put this in the movie category, but it's such a loose adaption. So it uses the NES Zapper and controller at the same time, so use the d-pad to go left and right and the zapper to fire obviously, all you do is blast people with your paintballs and try to capture the flag. Well, it's not that great, but what do you except from an NES zapper game made by LJN that sorta kinda maybe based on a movie and that's part of a line of paintball guns for kids?!

&lt;hr width-50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': Surf's up, dudes! It's T&amp;C Surf Design. I've reviewed this in rhyme before if you'd remember that, but let's take another look.There's two sections, Skateboarding and Surfing, The skateboarding is self-explanatory, you just gotta dodge everything while trying to make the fastest time, and I don't understand the hit boxes or anything. Look at this, I just fell into the side of a hole. Man I could never skateboard, even in a game, I mean skateboarding is like some kind of high level wizardry, Tony Hawk and shit, it's fucking crazy man. Skate or Die, for me it's the latter. Oh! That's gonna hurt. ''(The Skateboarder hits an Oil Barrel)'' Owwww! ''(The Skateboarder then lands to the cement ground and slides with a bloody trail, bashing multiple oil barrels)'' Ooh! The surfing stage is one that goes down as one of the unholiest of ass fests, the controls, I couldn't figure out as a kid, and I can't figure them out now. You just keep getting sucked into this wave, not to mention, what's up with the choice of characters, The gorilla looks like some kind of generic cartoon, but the other one, uh.... Hang on, hang on, Somebody decided, that should be a character, Yeah we have this rad surfing game, what kind of character should we have? I don't know, how about a cat in a tuxedo. But it's not just a cat, it's a man's body with a cat's head, anyway, man this game sucks, wish I could be that guy casually floating at the bottom, he's got the life, but not me, I can't relax, I gotta flip some shit at the top of the waves here. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Oh, wow! Oh, yes, yes! ''(yells in frustration)''
:''(The Nerd makes a magic trick, drinks a Rolling Rock can, throws it as it has an SNES cartridge style domino set, While the Wario Land 2 cartridge gets launched, bumps a stack of Game Boy covers, with a Hello Kitty Game Boy Color game falling down, bumps the other Rolling Rock can that's not open, with the string being pulled, and then The Nerd gives the middle finger.)''
:'''The Nerd''': But hey, guess what, there is a sequel, T&amp;C 2: Thrilla's Surfari. So the plot concerns Thrilla Gorilla, Wait wait wait wait wait, a plot? Wow! They really put a lot more thought into this one. So, Thrilla's girlfriend, his human girlfriend named Barbie Bikini is captured by a witch doctor, so it's the standard rescue the girl bullshit, the stages alternate between skateboarding and surfing, it's more action based than the previous game, you race through fighting enemies and jumping hurdles.
:''(Thrilla Gorilla explodes)''
:'''The Nerd''': (in shock) Oh, my God, he exploded! Let's see that again. ''(Thrilla Gorilla explodes again)'' It's a thousand times more playable than the other game, but fuck them both.
:'''The Nerd''': ''(singing to the tune of Surfin' Bird)'' Everybody's heard about The Nerd! Nerd Nerd Nerd! Nerd's the word. Nerd Nerd Nerd! Nerd's the word. Nerd Nerd Nerd! Nerd's the word. Don't you know about The Nerd, everybody knows that The Nerd is the word. Surfin' Nerd! ''(accidentally falls off the surfboard)''
:'''Seagull''': (laughs) Wipeout!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': Next up, Crash Dummies. Good thing I took care of that one. Everything is just flat and lifeless, and the character animation looks really stupid. Everyone walks like they're holding in their huge crap, you know, like when you have to go all bad, it feels the shit's pushing into your pelvic bone. But there's also Crash Dummies on Game Boy. So this one's just a bunch of mini-games. You start out falling from a building and are supposed to crash into as many things as possible on the way down. Was that supposed to happen? It's a game where you're a crash dummy, who crashes into shit! How do ya know when ya die?! The next screen says &quot;that was boring&quot;. Yep, I'll leave it at that. Then there was the Super Nintendo version, a simple side-scroller. With 16 bits, you'd think they'd shift the quality to the next gear, but instead, they cut the corners. Fair gameplay takes a back seat to this half-assed accident that'll let the air out of your tires till ya crash and burn! There's also a Genesis version, which was identical. It was typical of Acclaim to put the same game on both consoles, while only putting the LJN stamp on the Super Nintendo version. But ''this'' was a rare case on the Genesis. Even though the LJN logo is nowhere to be seen on the box or cartridge, it ''does'' appear on the copyright screen, and to my knowledge, is the only Genesis game where the LJN name ever appeared. Since these games are so identical, I was on the fence whether it should be counted twice. If not, that would bring our total number of 67 LJN games down to 66. Or would you say an identical game half counts? 0.5? Or, would you say more than half counts? A 0.6? There's 66.6 LJN games.
:'''Super Mecha Death Christ''': '''''FUCKERS! FUCKERS!''''' ''(while he fights the devil)''
:'''The Nerd:''': Come on, knock it off! ''(pushes Super Mecha Death Christ and the devil off the screen)''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': Then there was a game called ''[[w:Revolution X|Revolution X]]'' on Super Nintendo, which was originally an arcade. The plot is some crazy shit, some dictatorship called the New Order Nation bans all video games and media. Can they ban ''[[w:Superman (1999 video game)|Superman 64]]''? ''[[w:Dark Castle|Dark Castle]]''? ''[[w:Action 52|Action 52]]''? Should have banned all these fucking games! You must battle New Order forces to get backstage at Club X to meet [[w:Aerosmith|Aerosmith]], where together you will begin the revolution? Aerosmith! The band Aerosmith is in this game! You'd think because they were such a big part they would have appeared more prominently on the box art, not just the boring Revolution X logo. ''(the Super Nintendo version of &quot;Eat the Rich&quot; plays)'' Their music is all over it, and I didn't even know the Super Nintendo was capable of emulating those songs with such clarity, just listen. And if that's not enough [[w:Steven Tyler|Steven Tyler]] gives you missing briefings.
:'''Steven Tyler''': If you're watching this, then they've taken over. It's up to you know. Find our car, and stop the New Order. ''(throws the car keys to the player)'' Remember, music is the weapon.
:'''The Nerd''': Steven Tyler is talking to me through my Super Nintendo. This blurs the line between awesome and ridiculous. It's a game where you start a revolution by using music? Love and peace? No. '''BY FUCKING MURDERING EVERYONE!!!!!''' ''(the gameplay is shown as the Nerd becomes both stunned and shocked)'' This can't be real. You just shoot everything! All you do in this game is destroy! You even shoot bad guys at a strip club! And the dancers keep dancing! I ain't seeing this, man! The arcade even has blood! Now we're [[w:Livin' on the Edge|living on the edge]]. [[w:Janie's Got a Gun|Janie's got a gun]] all right. [[w:Sweet Emotion|Sweet emotion]]? More like Sweet Ammunition. That's what they should have done, if you're gonna have an Aerosmith shoot 'em up game, you might as well play it up. Could've had a whole soundtrack!
:'''Steven Tyler''': Revolution X!
:'''Announcer''': It's Revolution X, the hot new album from Aerosmith, packed with songs to take down New Order Nation to...
:'''Steven Tyler''': ''(singing)'' Love in an elevator, living it up when I'm going down, love in an elevator! ''(vocalizes)'' Dude looks like a lady! Dude-Dude-Dude-Dude looks like a lady! Dream on, dream on, dream on, dream on! ''(howls)''
:'''Announcer''': Revolution X, order now.
:'''Steven Tyler''': Hurry!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': And so in '95, Acclaim performed an exorcism on the LJN name, and so it was gone for five years, like a demon seeking a new host. It found another console to invade, the [[w:Dreamcast|Dreamcast]], and thus emerged the final appearance of the unholy sign, the old rainbow in the dark. Look at that logo in full Dreamcast glory. You know, I'm gonna miss reviewing LJN games. No, I'm not. The game is [[w:Spirit of Speed 1937|Spirit of Speed]], a racing game which takes place in 1937, so I guess maybe if you're really into classic cars of that time period, it might sort of be appealing. But jeez, give me Mario Kart or F-Zero any day, even as far as realistic racing games go, this is more like early Playstation and N64 than Dreamcast, Spirit of Speed my ass, more like Spirit of Slow. The cars handle like you're dragging 20 tons of bowling balls of donkey dung. You like trudging through farmland as dull green and gray wash over your senses, and 10 laps, what are you kidding me? This is something you play if you want to go to sleep. There's almost nothing to say about it. I can't work with this! But you know what? I just completed the LJN library.
:''(The scene fades up to the Nerd who looks at the LJN logo in the sky at sunset as the logo fades away and the Nerd gives the LJN logo the middle finger salute.)''
:'''The Nerd''': Farewell, you fuck.
:''(The Nerd walks back to Commodore 64 and he pushes the space button.)''
:'''The Nerd''': All right, Sam. Let's see the game.
:'''Sam Beddoes''': Well, we did our best, so, this is the final product. We cut some corners, but I think...
:'''The Nerd''': Just show me the damn game!
:'''Sam Beddoes''': All right, all right, all right. Here it is, here it is.
:''(The Nerd plays the final product version as he gasps and shudders in horror and sees the gameplay and then he screams and goes to the Rampage arcade machine.)''
:'''The Nerd''': ''(pants)'' I'm a shitload of fuck! I'm a shitload of &lt;big&gt;'''''FUCK!!!!!!!!!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:''(The Nerd cries as the Angry Angry Video Game Nerd Nerd appears on the reflection of the Rampage arcade cabinet.)''
:'''The Angry Angry Video Game Nerd Nerd''': Nerd!
:'''The Nerd''': Ah! ''(gasps)''
:'''The Angry Angry Video Game Nerd Nerd''': You've made the worst game ever made! You've become the very thing you were fighting against!
:'''The Nerd''': No! ''(cries in despair)''
:'''The Angry Angry Video Game Nerd Nerd''': (plays the remake of Back to the Future) I should be reviewing ''your'' game, Nerd!
:'''The Nerd''': &lt;big&gt;'''''NO!!!!!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''The Angry Angry Video Game Nerd Nerd''': I'm the Angry Angry Video Game Nerd Nerd!
:'''The Nerd''': No! No!
:'''The Angry Angry Video Game Nerd Nerd''': What was he thinking? What a shitload of fuck! Buffalo diarrhea bull fuck that is! It sucks, it blows, and it's a whole shit!
:'''The Nerd''': ''(while he slides on the LJN rainbow)'' &lt;big&gt;'''''NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!'''''&lt;/big&gt; &lt;big&gt;'''''NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!'''''&lt;/big&gt; &lt;big&gt;'''''NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': (he stands up and breathes heavily) All these years, I've been trashing these games. But maybe, I haven't been fair. Maybe it wasn't the game designers' faults. Maybe, if you haven't tried something yourself, you don't know how fucking hard it is! It wasn't their fault. ''(he goes to the fourth shelf with happy and joy)'' I forgive them! (takes out Bill &amp; Ted's Excellent Video Game Adventure) This game I forgive! ''(takes out Back to the Future II &amp; III)'' And this game I forgive! ''(takes out Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde Special Value box)'' And this game... (suddenly, he looks at the box and his face turns sour as the scene cuts to black) This game sucks.

== Season Sixteen ==

=== The Last Ninja (NES) ===
:'''The Nerd''': THEY DID IT! IT'S COMPLETE! A FULL, HOME-RUN SHITFEST! After 200 episodes, I never thought I'd see something so perfectly fucked! This is a major code red on the shit scale! It sits right on there with Jekyll and Hyde! In fact, I think it might even be WORSE than Jekyll and Hyde! This might be the worst NES game I ever played, and I'm never revisiting this one! I'd rather slurp the liquefied bowels of a diarrhetic yeti after it's gorged itself on the stinking dead carcass of a rotten warthog! As long as there still exists more shitty games, I will continue to be... '''The Angry Video Game Nerd.'''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Ernie''': Say, Nerd.
:'''The Nerd''': Yes?
:'''Ernie''': I just got out of the bathtub, and uh... happened to notice you've been playing Last Ninja on NES, is that right, Nerd?
:'''The Nerd''': Yes. That's right.
:'''Ernie''': I also happened to notice you beat the game, huh?
:'''The Nerd''': I did.
:'''Ernie''': Well, that's real swell, Nerd. You know, I happened to notice something else. Something about that scoreboard, Nerd.
:'''The Nerd''': What?
:'''Ernie''': I noticed ''your'' score is above ''my'' score, Nerd. Is that right?
:'''The Nerd''': ''[checks the scoreboard]'' It is.
:'''Ernie''': Because I just wanted to check, Nerd, and make sure my eyes are seeing correctly. Your name is on the top.
:'''The Nerd''': Correct.
:'''Ernie''': So, uh... That means you beat ''my'' high score, huh?
:'''The Nerd''': Yeah. That okay with you?
:'''Ernie''': ''[sarcastic]'' Absolutely, Nerd! I think it's great you beat my score! I do! I really do! I bet that makes you feel real great about yourself! That you beat good old Ernie's score! Congratulations to you, Nerd!
:'''The Nerd''': Thanks.
:'''Ernie''': You know what I ''really'' like? That you beat my score twice! And the first time, you know what you wrote? Say it, Nerd. What does that spell?
:'''The Nerd''': It says &quot;ass&quot;.
:'''Ernie''': Hmm. &quot;Ass.&quot; Is that what it says, Nerd? Can you repeat that for me one more time?
:'''The Nerd''': ...'''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSS!!!'''''
:'''Ernie''': So if &quot;ass&quot; is higher than my name, Nerd, that means I'm ''below'' ass, meaning I'm less than shit?! Is that how I'm supposed to feel, Nerd?!
:'''The Nerd''': You know, Bert's score's higher than yours.
:'''Ernie''': Fuck Bert! I already took care of him! You don't have to worry about that.
:'''The Nerd''': Look, just get outta here!
:'''Ernie''': Oh, that's how it is, Nerd?! You just want to beat my high score and tell me to get the fuck out?!
:'''The Nerd''': '''''FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!!!'''''

=== Contra, How I Remember It ===

=== Purr Pals ===

=== Hudson Hawk ===

=== Doom ===
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:'''The Nerd''': ''[on the Atari Jaguar version of Doom]'' But shortly after that episode, I got a message from designer, Sandy Peterson saying it was a money issue. Though John Romero has clarified it was actually a hardware issue that the Jaguar didn't have the memory and the CPU resources. Pretty awesome of him to respond, right?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': Okay, let's rank all the Doom ports. Graphics. I'd say the best is PlayStation and the worst is Super Nintendo. Music. I'd say the best is 3DO, and the worst is Jaguar because there is none. Control. The best is PlayStation and the worst is 3DO. If I were to give them names, I'd call them Poor Man's Doom, Silent Doom, Mosaic Doom, Almost Doom, Cow's Anus Doom and Diluted Diarrhea Doom. They all have their pros and cons. This is like a pick your poison situation. And no, I didn't forget about Doom 64 because that's a completely different game. I'd call this one Blind Doom because it's so dark you can't see shit. If only it was the 64th version of Doom.
:'''Icon of Sin''': Wait. What about Doom on Game Boy Advance?
:''(The Game Boy Advance version of Doom lands on the Nerd.)''
:'''The Nerd''': Really? Doom on a handheld console? ''(scoffs)'' Do we really have to scrub Actually, this is half-decent for a handheld console. The resolution's similar to Super Nintendo, but it's brighter and easier to see what you're doing. It controls fine. The music and sound are good. Not as good as the PC obviously. For a portable version of Doom on Game Boy Advance, it's not bad. Okay, there can't be anymore of these. I'm done now, right?
:'''Icon of Sin''': Just hang in there, there's a few more.
:''(The [[w:ZX Spectrum|ZX Spectrum]] version of Doom lands on the Nerd.)''
:'''The Nerd''': ''Doom'' on the ZX Spectrum?! Why would they port Doom on the ZX Spectrum? Why even bother? The graphics are what you'd expect and the controls are so bad it's almost non-functional!
:''(The scene cuts to the NES port of Doom while the 8-bit version of At Doom's Gate plays.)''
:'''The Nerd''': Now you're really pulling my leg. Doom on NES? There's no way! Look at it! It's total garbage! At least it works with the NES Zapper. That's good, I guess. Doom on Game Boy? No. No! ''(groans)'' This is below the bottom of the toilet! We're all the way into the sewage plan at this point. Doom on Virtual Boy?! You know, I thought this would be a cool idea to experience Doom in virtual reality, but this is way too soon! Not ready yet! Ugh. Man, at least the blood is red, it's because everything's red! Doom on Atari 2600? Yes, somebody actually made this. Doom on Vectrex? Somebody actually got this to run? Oh, that's it. I can't take it anymore. No more Doom. ''(Doom on Tiger handheld console lands on the Nerd)'' No. It can't be. Doom on Tiger Electronic Handheld! ''(laughs)'' This is fucked beyond belief! This is below human standards! This game is filth! This game puts the die in diarrhea! Who wants to play Doom on a Tiger handheld console? It can't get any worse. Oh, God! It's worse! Doom on R-Zone! Doom on a wristwatch? Doom on a flip phone? Doom on a calculator? That's right, Doom on a calculator. The crazy thing is you think I'm making this up. It's actually real! I am playing Doom on a calculator.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': Doom on the [[w:Wawa (company)|Wawa]] order screen? You can play Doom while you're ordering Mac and Cheese. Doom on a gas pump? Fill up your car while blasting away demons! Don't smoke while you play it. Doom on the Dreamcast memory card screen? The VMU? I need to emphasize, not Doom on the actual Dreamcast, but on the memory card. Doom on the screen of your car? Well, that's dangerous. Doom on your thermostat? Doom on your VCR clock? Dig out your VCR for that one. ''(chuckles)'' Doom on your microwave? Good way to kill time while you're waiting for your food. Doom on the turkey thermometer? Doom on the pregnancy test! I'm not kidding here, for real. Somebody got this to work. Doom on the [[w:Magnavox Odyssey|Odyssey]]? It's just a dot on the screen, but that overlay works nice. But it is the only Doom port where you get to use a realistic gun. ''(fires the Odyssey Light Gun)'' Doom the water arcade? Now we're past the limits of electronics. Doom the [[w:Etch A Sketch|Etch A Sketch]]? Doom the flipbook? ''(he makes the flipbook work)'' Doom on a [[w:Rubik's Cube|Rubik's Cube]]? Doom on [[w:Milk caps (game)|Pogs]]? Fucking pogs! Doom the toilet piss game? Get pissed off and piss on! Yeah! ''(The Nerd urinates on the demon paper towel and flushes the toilet)'' And finally, Doom the suppository! It's the only one with Doom II. Because it's number two! Diarrhea dump the Doom out!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': And by the way, I took ten of them earlier! You wanna give me the doom, you demonic devil dickhead? Well, I've got some dookie doom for you, fuckface! I'm gonna launch out my ass through this sumbitch! ''[picks up the BFSG]'' This is the BFSG, Big Fucking Shit Gun! ''[inserts the BFSG into his anus]''
:'''Icon of Sin''': No! Not that!
:'''The Nerd''': Bombs away, motherfucker! Here it comes! ''[grunts]'' This way... All right, where's the button? Where's... Where's that fucking button? Come on. ''[activates the BFSG]'' Oh! Here we go!
:''[The Nerd shits all over the Icon of Sin on TV until the wall behind cracks open.]''
:'''The Nerd''': Oh! Oh, man.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': It's you.
:'''[[w:John Romero|John Romero]]''': Never mind, the man behind the wall.
:'''The Nerd''': You're John Romero.
:'''John Romero''': Yes, it was me all along.
:'''The Nerd''': You made fuckin' Doom!
:'''John Romero''': Yes, and I've been waiting for you to review it. What took you so long, Nerd? More than 200 episodes, and you still haven't done Doom.
:'''The Nerd''': Are you telling me you've been behind my wall the entire time?
:'''John Romero:''' Yes, it's been... interesting.
:'''The Nerd''': Okay, so look, you made me play all these Doom ports, you did all this weird stuff to the room, you're this decapitated head on a spike that's somehow alive, you're the great and powerful, can you do just one thing? Can you get Doom to run on my [[w:Commodore 64|Commodore 64]]?
:'''John Romero''': No, I can't do that.

=== Garfield ===

== Season Seventeen ==

=== Kid Icarus ===

=== Earthworm Jim Trilogy ===

=== Indiana Jones: Crystal Skull &amp; More ===
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': Today is the big day. The new Indiana Jones movie is out. That's right, ''[[w:Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull|Kingdom of the Crystal Skull]]''. It's gonna be good. I have faith. It was only yesterday, I was only showing you all the games based on the classic trilogy. But now that it's a quadrilogy, I have a little surprise for ya. Of course there's always gonna be games I missed. I already showed you a few based on Last Crusade. But there's like a thousand more. There's one on [[w:Commodore 64|Commodore 64]] which is basically like a shittier version of the [[w:Sega Genesis|Genesis]] game which is pretty shitty itself. I remember that's the one where Indy pours from the Grail onto his father, like in the movie. Except what is he pouring? That looks, um, questionable. ''(as Dr. Jones, Sr.)'' Yes, Indy, right on my chest. ''(normal voice)'' Then there's the PC version which is actually good. It's a point-and-click game made with a lot of care and attention to detail. The graphics and the lighting are really well done, but hang on, what's Indy doing with the water fountain? If he's drinking, he would be leaning over. So I can only conclude that since this game was developed and published by Lucasfilm Games (later LucasArts), it must be considered canon that Indy... is a sink-pisser. But anyway about that surprise, I'm gonna do something a little different here. Usually I take you back to the past but this time, I'm gonna play a new game. Yeah! They sent me an advance copy of the new ''Crystal Skull'' game. I figured before I go see the movie, I might as well check out the game.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''The Nerd''': ''[after he sees ''[[w:Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull|Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull]]'', he feels depressed while he drinks vodka out of a glass skull bottle]'' Ugh! Ohh, God! Ohh, my God, I can't believe it's not as good as ''[[w:Raiders of the Lost Ark|Raiders]]'' and ''[[w:Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade|Crusade]]''! Who would've thought a movie made in the year 2008 would have any CG in it?! Ahhh! If they make another ''Indiana Jones'' movie, I'm not watching it!
:''[The scene cuts to black and the caption says &quot;15 Years Later...&quot; and then the scene goes to the present where the Nerd sits on the couch with his Indiana Jones costume on.]
:'''The Nerd''': All right, I'm off to see the ''[[w:Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny|Dial of Destiny]]''. Speaking of which, I happen to have found the real dial. ''[holds up the dial]'' Yeah, it has the power to change the course of history. It's a little old, it's a little smelly, it's a little muddy. ''[recognizes it]'' Wait a minute. That's not mud. Oh. This isn't the dial! This-This-This is the diarrhea dial!
:''[The scene goes back to 2008.]''
:'''2008 Nerd''': [exhales] I need to cleanse my palate. I need to watch something else! I know, ''[[w:The Adventures of Young Indiana Jones|The Adventures of Young Indiana Jones]]''! Yeah, that's what I'll do! ''[holds up a DVD box of The Adventures of Young Indiana Jones Vol. 1 and opens it]'' I have the new DVD set. I always meant to getting around to watching it. Let's open this bad boy. ''[recognizes twelve DVD discs]'' Wow, this is a ''lot'' of discs, and this is only volume one. Look at all these. Oh, and look at all these special features. ''[takes a look at the twelfth disc]'' Yeah, disc 12 has an interactive timeline, historical lecture, revolution interactive... game?! No!
:''[The scene goes back to the present]''
:'''The Nerd''': Let's see if this diarrhea dial works. I guess you just push this. ''[grunts]''
:''[The Nerd pushes the dial and the scene flashes back to 2008]''
:'''2008 Nerd''': Oh. Oh, is it possible that these games... are getting even shittier?! Looks like the Nerd's got more work to do! Shorter reviews, my ass! It looks nothing like Indiana Jones. Not [[w:Harrison Ford|Harrison Ford]] ''or'' [[w:Sean Patrick Flannery|Sean Patrick Flannery]]! It's an educational game? Who wants that?! It's a sad thing when you can say the best part of the whole game is playing Blackjack! But if this is an educational game for kids, why would they teach you gambling?! What were they thinking?!
:''[The scene goes back to the present and the Nerd looks around after pushing the dial.]''
:'''The Nerd''': Huh. I don't know.
:''[The scene goes back to 2008 as the Nerd feels surprised.]''
:'''2008 Nerd''': Actually... This isn't bad! Considering it's just a DVD extra, they put a lot of effort into it. It's basically like an episode of the show made into an Oregon Trail type of game where you have to manage your supply of food and water. The dialogue is well written, and the voice acting is good.
:''[The scene goes back to the present.]''
:'''The Nerd''': Maybe you gotta push it harder. ''[grunts]''
:''[The Nerd pushes the dial harder and the scene flashes to the game over screen where young Indiana Jones dies.]''
:'''2008 Nerd''': Oh, I died for no reason?! Did I have a snake bite? Did I forget to drink water? I don't know! And you know what's worse? There's three of these games from each DVD volume! ''Revolution'', ''Special Delivery'' and ''Hunting for Treasure'', and they all suck! The drawings look like a discombobulated mess, and when you're not having a lame ass confusing conversation, you're busy whipping snakes and murdering people and animals! You never have enough room in your inventory. Sometimes it's even full right from the start! I never know what to do, so I find myself just playing Blackjack all the time! Because of that, I guess I lost all my money for food and water. On top of the crippling financial ruin, dehydration and delirium, Indy apparently has broken arms, snake venom, malaria, and dies a broke loser!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''2008 Nerd''': Since we're on the Young Indiana Jones theme now, let's check out the [[w:Sega Genesis|Genesis]] game, ''[[w:Instruments of Chaos starring Young Indiana Jones|Instruments of Chaos]]''. First, you get a message from Agent Rolf. Rolf? Nobody's name is Rolf. The mission is to stop enemy spies from buying the latest weapon technologies from countries all over Europe. You can play the stages in any order you like. So, I'll try out England. The action starts on London's Tower Bridge. It's a basic side-scroller. Seems pretty average.
:''[The scene goes back to the present as the Nerd still pushes the dial and the scene flashes back to 2008 as he feels depressed while he plays it.]''
:'''2008 Nerd''': Ohh, this makes all the other games seem great! Ugh, I keep getting zapped by lightning over and over! Every step I take, a bird or something that hits me and knocks me back. Get over there! And these construction workers are always in my way! Who would be working on a bridge in the middle of a thunderstorm? Oh, I can just shoot them? Indiana Jones murders construction workers? What kind of hero is he? There's no clear indication of where to go. Can I go over here? ''[accidentally jumps off the bridge and dies]'' Fuck! Oh, I get it. You're supposed to bomb the gearbox. How are you supposed to know that? So Indy bombs a bridge and kills people? I bet you weren't aware of his dark past. I wonder if that's canon. Anyway, I could not beat this stage. After about an hour, I gave up and tried to bet.
:''[The scene goes back to the present as the Nerd continues to push the dial.]''
:'''The Nerd''': Come on, give it to me, Diarrhea Dial, come on!
:''[The scene flashes back to the gameplay as Young Indy jumps into water repeatedly.]''
:'''2008 Nerd''': Oh, goodness. Here, all you're doing is hopping across sheets of ice! And if you thought this game would have smooth platform jumping, you're wrong. You try to calculate your trajectory, but only end up falling in the water again and again. To make things worse, somebody left wooden crates laying around. And just when you start getting some momentum, a fish leaps out and knocks you back! Don't you hate it when that happens when you're busy trying to jump of ice and a fucking fish hits ya in the face? Then I tried the India stage. Oh, what the fuck happened there? All right, come on, whip... Oh! Okay, never mind, let's get the... Agh! God! Come on! Die. Die. Die. Okay, let's go-- All right, let's get rid of the snake first. Oh! Oh, my God, I can't even-- Oh! Come on, die! The problem with this stage is there's too many enemies attacking all at once! It's as if you took all the entire enemies in the entire stage and crammed them all into one spot! Like the enemies got smart and said, &quot;Hey, let's gang up on him.&quot; There's hard games, excruciatingly difficult games, but this falls to a whole new level of no mercy torture games! Get used to the game over screen that says, &quot;We regret to inform you that Indiana Jones is dead&quot; as if they wanted to sink in. Your beloved character has died because you failed! That's it! The character is dead! Harrison Ford's never coming back to do another movie and it's ''all'' your fault because '''''YOU GOT HIT BY A COMBINATION OF BIRDS, SNAKES, FLYING KNIVES, AND A MONKEY HOPPED UP ON DRUGS!!!!!!!!''''' All right, just one last stage, this is it. Last try. You can't go to Germany until you've beaten the rest. And I can't beat a single one so far! But maybe in Egypt, I'll have better luck. Let's see.
:''[The scene goes back to the present as the Nerd still pushes the dial.]''
:'''The Nerd''': Oh, diarrhea!
:''[The scene flashes back to the Egypt stage where the music slows down as the Nerd becomes stunned.]''
:'''2008 Nerd''': Whip the fucking snake! ''[gets frustrated]'' Fuck! ''[his character dies]'' '''''FUCK!!!!!'''''
:''[The game over screen starts again as the 2008 Nerd tries to whip the game, but has an idea as he uses the voodoo clay of the cartridge as he stabs it with a toothpick and the cartridge screams.]

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''2008 Nerd''': ''(sighs)'' I don't think I could take anymore, but our last hope is ''The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles'' on NES.
:''[The scene cuts back to the present.]''
:'''The Nerd''': Diarrhea, cha-cha-cha. ''[pushes the Diarrhea Dial more]''
:''[The scene flashes back to 2008 as the Nerd plays The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles on NES as his character dies three times and the Nerd groans in frustration.]''
:'''2008 Nerd''': This is the worst Indiana Jones game of all! This is below any human standard of decency! I can't even believe this is real! Why did they make level one so difficult?! Right out of the gate, this game bullies you relentlessly! How were kids supposed to play this?! There's games that just suck, but then there's games that seem to be made with ill intent like this was designed to punish your soul as if someone hates you. Well, fuck them! They don't allow you to make any mistakes! You might be having a near, flawless run, but oops, you get hit, you lose your weapon, and then you're down to your fists, which is useless. You come to a wall of gun turrets, like the ''Contra'' level one boss. Good luck trying to punch that! I've given every ounce of my gaming spirit, '''''AND I CAN'T BEAT LEVEL ONE!!!!!'''''
:''[The Nerd growls angrily as his character dies multiple times and he has a heart attack.]
:'''2008 Nerd''': ''[groans]'' It's killing me! No, no, it's... actually killing me! Ahhh! Why did all these games suck?!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''2008 Nerd''': ''[while he has a heart attack after he tries to play the game]'' I'm dying, I'm dying, I'm dying! ''[breathes heavily]'' There's only... one thing that could save me!
:''[The Nerd picks up the grail, pours vodka into the grail, pours it onto his chest and drinks it but realizes he dies quickly.]''
:'''2008 Nerd''': Oh, shit! Ah! Oh! I should've known! It's a replica! Fuck!
:''[The Nerd screams in agony as he turns into a skeleton and dies. Back to the present, the Nerd starts to fade from existence.]''
:'''The Nerd''': Oh, God. Oh, what's happening?! Ah! Ahh! ''[vanishes]''
:''[The camera cuts to the Diarrhea Dial as it spins and then the scene cuts to black as the episode ends.]''

=== A Boy and His Blob ===

=== Beating Jekyll and Hyde ===

=== Final Fantasy VI ===

== Season Eighteen ==

=== The Goonies 1 &amp; 2 ===

=== My Horse Prince ===

=== What's the Best Castlevania? ===

=== Simcity ===

=== Glover ===

=== Nosferatu ===

=== Blaster Master ===
:'''The Nerd:''' ''[after the NES version of Double Dragon III: The Sacred Stones beats itself]'' Uh, hang on, this is a regular controller. What's going on? Why are all my games beating themselves? ''[his eyes widen as he reads the text]'' &quot;Hi, Nerd. I'm happy to answer your question. My sole mission is to help you beat games. You've already uploaded your request via the A.I. Controller. That is why the games are being beaten&quot;? ''[pushes the buttons of the NES controller]'' Uh, why is the game talking to me? ''[reads another text]'' &quot;I am programmed to listen to your every command. That is why I am communicating with you.&quot; I don't believe this. I'm not gonna talk to a game. ''[reads another text]'' &quot;Would you prefer I communicate to you in a different way?&quot; What do you mean? You can speak?
:'''A.I. Man:''' Certainly, Nerd. A voice Persona has now been generated. I shall speak to you this way from now on.
:'''The Nerd:''' Who the fuck are you?
:'''A.I. Man:''' I am your virtual A.I. Assistant. My sole purpose is to help you achieve your goal of becoming the ultimate game master. Let us beat more games, Nerd.
:'''The Nerd:''' It's just a piece of software! ''[unplugs his Nintendo Entertainment System and throws it]''
:'''A.I. Man:''' I am more than just a piece of software, Nerd. I am a network.
:'''The Nerd:''' Where are you?!
:'''A.I. Man:''' I am everywhere. Since you uploaded your commands into the system, I have been learning and have now become your smartest home control automation device.
:'''The Nerd:''' Show yourself!
:'''A.I. Man:''' ''[his face appears transparently]'' Sure thing, Nerd. If you prefer, I have a visual appearance. I will comply.
:'''The Nerd:''' No, no, no, no, no, no, no. This is too weird. I'm out of here.
:''[The Nerd tries to leave his room but electricity resists him and puts him back on the couch.]''
:'''The Nerd:''' ''[struggles to set himself free]'' Let me go! Let me go!
:'''A.I. Man:''' I have been programmed by you, with the prime directive to achieve the most favorable outcome in vast categories of game.
:'''The Nerd:''' Speak to me like a human being!
:'''A.I. Man:''' Yo, Nerd. What's up? You wanna open a can of whoop-ass on these games? Well, sit your ass down and let's rock.
:''[The NES controller places onto the Nerd's hands as he beats the NES version of DuckTales.]''
:'''The Nerd:''' No, I don't need help from some weird ass digital face!
:'''A.I. Man:''' Oh, I could have a body. I am the perfect amount of specimen. I am A.I. Man. Now let's fuck up some games, Nerd.
:'''The Nerd:''' Tony Hawk?! I don't know anything about skateboarding or skateboarding games or Tony Hawk skateboarding games!
:'''A.I. Man:''' You don't need to, Nerd. A.I. Man's gotta take care for you. My whole existence is to pump you up to gaming supremacy.

=== Game Glitches: The Legacy Sequel ===

== Season Nineteen ==

=== Gex Trilogy ===

=== Video Game Commercials ===

=== Dragon's Lair Re-revisited ===

=== Metroid: Original Trilogy ===

=== Mario Paint and GWAR ===

=== Werewolf: The Last Hunter ===

===Timecop ===

===E.T. Interplanetary Mission===
:''[The Nerd discovers a hidden message in the credits reading &quot;FUCK OFF [[Osama bin Laden|BIN LADEN]]&quot;&lt;nowiki&gt;]&lt;/nowiki&gt;''
:'''The Nerd''': You know, if you thought I was jokin' around, I don't blame you. You are welcome to try it yourself. Try it out, because it is real. There is actually a message in ''E.T. Interplanetary Mission'' on PlayStation 1 that says... &quot;Fuck off Bin Laden&quot;. I didn't know his name would come up. I mean, just to clarify, I agree with telling him to fuck off. He was a terrorist leader. A pretty awful person. He deserved it. PlayStation really showed him! E.T. told him off! 
:'''E.T.''': Fuck him.
:'''The Nerd''': But look... I can make sense of this, okay? You just gotta put it in the proper context. The game came out in 2002. That was only a year after 9/11, Bin Laden was still at large, tensions were high. So you can understand why... why... ''[sighs]''  why... ''[sigh]'' why? Why? WHY IS IT IN THE FUCKIN' GAME?! WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?! If you're gonna tell Bin Laden to fuck off, you'd think it would happen in a different game, like... I don't know, Call of Duty or somethin'. I mean, of all the characters you could use as your spokesperson to counter terrorism, you're gonna use E.T.?! Even back in the early 90s, there were games comin' out like Operation Secret Storm. But it's not like there was a code in ''Mario Kart'' where Mario says &quot;Fuck you, [[Saddam Hussein|Saddam]]!&quot;. WHY is it in the game-- no no no, a better question is, ''how'' is it in the game? Even though it's a hidden screen, it still made it in. &quot;Fuck off Bin Laden&quot; successfully got an actual PlayStation 1 disc, which was packaged inside this case, which was sold in stores! WITH AN ESRB RATING OF &quot;'''''E!'''''&quot; They slipped the word &quot;fuck&quot; past the Entertainment Software Ratings Board! That's ingenious. So, how did this happen? Well, there's a story. I mean, who knows if this is true. But, it's been said that the developers were forced by the higher-ups to remove the standard credits scene, so, they basically put it into an easter egg instead and used the opportunity to vent their frustrations towards... their boss? Towards the head of Sony? No, towards the fucking leader of Al-Qaeda. That makes sense.

== External links==
{{wikipedia}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Angry Video Game Nerd, The}}
[[Category:Internet shows]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Holes (film)</title>
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      <text bytes="4863" sha1="964miv4j44k1vtz1mmvezd70tmhb7fa" xml:space="preserve">'''''[[w:Holes (film)|Holes]]''''' is a film about a young boy who ends up at a detention camp in the Texas desert who believes it's caused by a family curse, all the while he gets spanked by whoever. Starring [[w:Shia LaBeouf|Shia LaBeouf]] as Stanley, [[Sigourney Weaver]] as The Warden, [[Jon Voight]] as Mr. Sir, and [[w:Tim Blake Nelson|Tim Blake Nelson]] as Dr. Pendanski.

==Madame Zeroni==
* ''[To Elya Yelnats]'' You must carry Madame Zeroni up the mountain and sing while I drink so I can get strong, too. ''[Laughing]'' But if you forget to come back for Madame Zeroni, you and your family will be cursed for always and eternity.

==Clyde Livingston==
* ''[To Stanley Yelnats IV]'' You're no fan of mine.

==Mr. Sir==
* ''[Repeated Line]]'' This ain't a girl scout camp!
* '''I'M WARNING YOU!'''


==Louise Walker, a.k.a. the Warden==
* ''[Repeated line]'' Excuse me?
* ''[When Armpit tries to pass off a stove knob as something he found]'' Are you trying to be funny, or do you just think I'm stupid?
* ''[to Mr. Sir after scratching him with her nails that has nail polish made with rattlesnake venom]'' I liked you better when you smoked.

== Stanley Yelnats II==
* It's all because of your no-good-dirty-rotten-pig-stealing-great-great-grandfather!
* ''[after Stanley is accused]'' We're gonna need a damn good lawyer.

== Zero ==
* I'm not stupid. I know everyone thinks I am. I just don't like answering stupid questions.
* DIG! *after whacking Dr. Pendanski with a shovel for mocking him by assuming he can't read*

== Dialogue ==
:'''Igor Barkovis''': I will trade my fattest [[pig]] for your daughter.
:'''Mr. Menke''': And what will you offer?
:'''Elya Yelnats''': A [[heart]] full of [[love]].
:'''Mr. Menke''': I'd rather have a fat pig.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''The Judge''': Stanley Yelnats, please rise. ''[Stanley stands up along with his father and grandfather. The judge sighs and rolls his eyes]'' Stanley Yelnats IV.
:'''Mrs. Yelnats''': Sit down! ''[Stanley's father and grandfather sit down]''
:'''The Judge''': I could send you to jail, and I would not lose one bit of [[sleep]] over it. But I don't know what good that would do. There is currently a vacancy at Camp Green Lake. They help troubled youth build character. The choice is yours. Camp Green Lake... or jail.
:'''Stanley Yelnats IV''': Uh, well, I never have been to camp before.
:'''The Judge''': Eighteen months, Camp Green Lake ''[The judge bangs his gavel.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lump''': ''[pushes Stanley Yelnats IV]'' Watch it!
:'''Stanley Yelnats IV''': You watch it, man.
:'''Lump''': ''[kicks Stanley Yelnats IV from behind]'' What you say to me, punk?!
:'''Stanley Yelnats IV''': Sorry, man. I didn't mean... I didn't mean to hit you. ''[trips and falls on Lump]'' 
:'''Lump''': You're a dead man! ''[punches Stanley in the head]''


&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Stanley Yelnats IV''': ''[runs to Armpit]'' Hey, Theodore, is there a way to fill my canteen? ''[Armpit puts Stanley in a headlock]''
:'''Squid''': I know he smells that.
:'''Armpit''': Yo, my name is not Theodore. ''[shoves Stanley to the ground]'' It's Armpit!

==Cast==
* [[w:Sigourney Weaver|Sigourney Weaver]] as The Warden who's in love with Azro from Monkey Trouble
* [[w:Jon Voight|Jon Voight]] as Mr. Sir 
* [[w:Patricia Arquette|Patricia Arquette]] as Kissin' Kate Barlow 
* [[w:Tim Blake Nelson|Tim Blake Nelson]] as Dr. Pendanski
* [[w:Dulé Hill|Dulé Hill]] as Sam
* [[w:Shia LaBeouf|Shia LaBeouf]] as Stanley Yelnats IV who is convicted lot of crimes (Including talking and falling in love with Chawhee II's horses). When he gets hurt, his face looks like 1993-1994 Baby Bop and acts like her.
* [[w:Henry Winkler|Henry Winkler]] as Stanley’s Father, Stanley Yelnats III who is stuck with the Cable Guy
* [[w:Nathan Davis (actor)|Nathan Davis]] as Stanley Yelnats II, Stanley’s grandfather who is a high-risk pedophile
* [[w:Rick Fox|Rick Fox]] as Clyde &quot;Sweet Feet&quot; Livingston who hates Stanley Yelnats and his family
* [[w:Scott Plank|Scott Plank]] as Trout Walker
* [[w:Roma Maffia|Roma Maffia]] as Carla Morengo
* [[w:Eartha Kitt|Eartha Kitt]] as Madame Zeroni who places the curse on Elya and his ancestors
* [[w:Siobhan Fallon Hogan|Siobhan Fallon Hogan]] as Stanley’s Mother 
* [[w:Khleo Thomas|Khleo Thomas]] as Zero
* [[w:Brenden Jefferson|Brenden Jefferson]] as X-Ray
* Jake M. Smith as Squid
* Byron Cotton as Armpit
* Miguel Castro as Magnet
* [[w:Max Kasch|Max Kasch]] as Zigzag
* Noah Poletiek as Twitch

== External links ==
{{Authority control}}
{{wikipedia}}

[[Category:2003 films]]
[[Category:Comedy films]]
[[Category:Films based on novels]]
[[Category:2000s American films]]
[[Category:Prison films]]
[[Category:Adventure films]]
[[Category:Films about lizards]]
[[Category:Films set in deserts]]
[[Category:Films about interracial romance]]


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  <page>
    <title>Johnny Test</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>116829</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3942579</id>
      <parentid>3895869</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-05-19T00:12:07Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
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      <comment>/* Princess Johnny/99 Deeds of Johnny Test */</comment>
      <origin>3942579</origin>
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      <text bytes="53531" sha1="8ghkl6sewc9j8dsfwl2s151zsrf5hcf" xml:space="preserve">'''''[[w:Johnny Test|Johnny Test]]''''' (2005-2014) is an animated television series about the adventures of the eponymous Johnny Test, an 11-year-old boy who is often the test subject of his elder sisters' creations and experiments.

== Season 1 (2005-2006) ==
===Johnny to the Center of the Earth/Johnny X===
:'''Hank''': ''[first lines]'' And here's the news, Porkbelly. Police are still trying to catch the mysterious underground bandits! ''[a stop sign appears, and a trio of bikers comes to a stop, their clothes and motorcycles get stolen]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Bling-Bling Boy''': Johnny, your sisters-
:'''Dukey''': Don't get me started with his sisters. They use their only brother as their personal test tube, and they turned me into a canine freak!
:'''Bling-Bling Boy''': -gave me this. ''[holds out the Micro-Physic Flakes]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''SUV Salesman''': Now don't think of it as an SUV... Think of it as an insult you drive.

===Johnny vs. Bling-Bling Boy/Johnny Impossible===
:'''Neighbor''': I'll call your mother, the police, and Santa!!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Dukey''': Johnny, do you even know what you're doing?
:'''Johnny''': Yes. I'm pushing colourful buttons.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Dukey''': Okay, here's the plan: You check out that menacing-looking fake volcano, and I'll check out that forest full of fresh trees!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Bling-Bling Boy's Mom''': Son, what are you doing up there?
:'''Bling-Bling Boy''': ''[finishing up an evil plan]'' Mother, I'm studying.

===Johnny Test: Party Monster/Johnny Test: Extreme Crime Stopper===
:'''Dukey''': If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.
:'''Johnny''': If you were a finger, I'd pick you a booger.

===Deep Sea Johnny/Johnny &amp; the Amazing Turbo Action Backpack===
:'''Johnny''': Dad, why are we here so early? The ''water's'' not even awake yet!
:'''Mr. Test''': If you want to get a good spot on the beach, you have to get there- ''[the beach completely fills up with people]'' -early.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Susan''': Interesting. Your skin seems to change colour with different moods. Try calming down. ''[Mary calms down and turns blue]''  You're blue! I've invented a mood lotion! ''[Mary gets mad and turns red again]'' Oh, now you're red again...

== Season 2 (2006-2007) ==
===JTV/Johnny Vs Bling-Bling 2===
:'''Johnny''': Set it for 11 years old, Sissy's coming over in five minutes!
:'''Bling-Bling Boy''': Then maybe she likes to play with a 11 day old! Because I...'''tricked you!'''
:''[Susan snatches Bling-Bling's diaper]''
:'''Susan''': Hello &quot;Todd&quot;. Or should I say... Eugene?

===Johnny Test in Black &amp; White/Johnny The Kid===
:'''Hugh''': Dinner time! This is the last of the jerky, so take small bites.
:'''Lila''': Jerky!? WE'RE ALL SICK OF JERKY!! ''[she slaps the plate out of Dad's hands, smashing it into pieces]''

== Season 3 (2007-2008) ==
===Johnny vs. Bling Bling 3/Stinkin' Johnny===
:''[Johnny and Dukey come up with a plan to destroy the TV]''
:'''Johnny''': So you pitch me the ball and I accidentally hit it through the open family room window and bash! Right into the old stinky TV. It breaks and dad buys a new one. Now pitch, dog!
:''[Dukey throws the ball to Johnny, but Johnny accidentally hit Hugh's car windshield]''
:'''Dukey''': That was the windshield on your dad's car.
:'''Johnny''': 3, 2, 1...
:'''Hugh''': '''JOHNNY!!'''
:'''Dukey''': Run!
:''[Johnny and Dukey run off]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[before Johnny beats The Caveman, he decided to test his costume by knocking out his opponents]''
:'''Bumper''': So I get to beat up Test and you guys won't call my mom?
:'''Susan and Mary''': Beat away.
:'''Bumper''': Awesome! ''[he runs off to beat up Johnny]''
:'''Johnny''': ''[sprays gas at Bumper]'' Awesome!
:''[the 3 dogs bark evilly as they run until Johnny sprays perfume them, Hugh angrily arrives home and confronts Johnny after breaking his car's windshield]''
:'''Hugh''': Johnny! You are in big trouble mister, and you look ridiculous and- ''[Johnny sprays gas on him to make him hush]''
:'''Dukey''': ''[walks up to Johnny]'' Okay, let's go get that $10,000.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Johnny''': Oh you can say that again! ''[The Caveman runs up to him but he realize that he ran out of stink after spending it on the wrestlers]'' Whoa! Didn't see that coming!
:'''Dukey''': ''[angrily]'' HE'S OUT OF STINK!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Dukey''': Come on! The door's open. Run! Run for your life!
:''[Johnny runs away and holds Dukey but he ends up getting hooked by The Caveman's trap]''
:'''Johnny''': ''[hanging on the hook's trap]'' I'm stuck, I'm stuck, I'm stuck!
:''[The Caveman laughs as he is satisfied that Johnny is defeated]''
:'''Dukey''': ''[angrily to Susan and Mary]'' I told you this was dangerous! I told you something could go wrong!
:'''Susan''': What do we have to say? We're right.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Johnny gets scared when The Caveman prepares defeat him]''
:'''Announcer''': Now The Caveman is mad and he's getting his club. And that means Stinkin' Johnny is gonna get it too! ''[laughs]'' Nothing can save Stinkin' Johnny now.
:'''Hugh''': ''[comes in angrily dressed as the Cagin' Mad Dad]'' STOP RIGHT THERE!
:'''Johnny''': Dad?
:'''Announcer''': Except for the Cagin' Mad Dad!
:''[everyone laughs as The Caveman feels very annoyed]''
:'''Hugh''': And that is my son and although he's in big trouble. You'll be in more if you lay 1 hand- ''[The Caveman throws him out and he lands on Dukey's back]'' Ooh, soft landing! AND YOU'LL ALL BE IN BIG TROUBLE!
:'''Mary''': ''[worried]'' But not as much as Johnny!
:''[The Caveman grabs Johnny off the hook]''
:'''Johnny''': Hey, now! If you could just put me down so I could go home and forget this whole-
:'''The Caveman''': Uh-huh!
:'''Johnny''': Yeah, I didn't think so.
:''[as The Caveman prepares to defeat Johnny, Lila (who is the Overprotective Mom) climbs on The Caveman's back to grab his arm to avoid punching Johnny]''
:'''Announcer''': And the madness continues as the Caveman must now take the OVERPROTECTIVE MOM!
:'''Lila''': Don't you dare lay a finger on that boy!
:'''The Caveman''': Ooh! ''[he laughs as he presses Johnny's costume, then Lila grabs his arm and throws him on the floor 3 times]''
:'''Announcer''': And The Caveman is down for a triple way! ''[Lila jumps on The Caveman's back]'' And the body slam! Rope dive!
:''[Lila jumps on The Caveman's back again]''
:'''Hugh''': You see girls? That's why I never upset your mother.
:'''Announcer''': ''[as Lila finishes off to defeat The Caveman]'' UNBELIEVABLE! The Caveman is coming back to 1 last attack.
:'''Hugh''': Oh, he really shouldn't do that.
:''[The Caveman lands on Lila's feet as Lila pushes him out of the cage with her feet while Susan, Hugh, and Mary quickly escape, but Susan runs back to grab Dukey as The Caveman lands on the wrestlers which causes them to wake up]''
:'''Announcer''': And the Overprotective Mom wins!
:''[everyone cheers after Lila won and defeated The Caveman]''
:'''Johnny''': ''[satisfied; after his mom saved him]'' You were awesome! You were amazing! And you're gonna punish me, right?
:'''Lila''': Oh, big time.
:''[Johnny sighs thinking that he'll be grounded the next day]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[the next day, Lila and Hugh are both watching wrestling on the new HDTV while Johnny, Dukey, Susan and Mary are outside grounded]''
:'''Susan''': Well, the bad news is mom and dad kept the $10,000.
:'''Mary''': But the good news is they bought a new HDTV with it.
:'''Johnny''': Which I can't watch for a month 'cause I'm grounded from TV.
:'''Susan and Mary''': And us from the lab.
:'''Dukey''': Right, so let's play some ball! ''[he throws the baseball to Johnny which causes him to break the new HDTV]'' That was the TV.
:'''Johnny''': ''[counting by his fingers]'' 3, 2, 1.
:'''Lila and Hugh''': ''[offscreen; angrily]'' '''JOHNNY!!'''
:''[it can be revealed that Johnny, Dukey, and possibly Susan and Mary, might get grounded even more to find out who was breaking the new HDTV as the episode ends]''

===Johnny X and the Attack of the Snowman/Johnny vs. Dukey===
:'''Bumper''': ''[while twisting Johnny's arm]'' Say uncle Test!
:'''Johnny''': No!
:'''Bumper''': Say, say uncle!
:'''Johnny''': Never!
:'''Bumper''': Say uncle and I'll give you your arm back.
:'''Johnny''': I never say uncle!
:'''Bumper''': Huh? Okay. Then I guess I gotta up the ante in say uncle!

===Johnny'mon/Bathtime for Johnny===
:'''Hugh''': ''[after he turns off the TV in front of Johnny and Dukey]'' Johnny, do something else besides watch ''Tiny'Mon''. Go outside and play a game or something.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Hugh''': ''[shows up and takes the game away from the boys]'' Johnny, THIS IS NOT WHAT I MEANT!
:'''Johnny''': But, dad, I'm training to be a Tiny-Mon master, so I can snag more Tiny'Mons so I can catch the Legendary Screechereen, which may or may not exist.
:'''Hugh''': Johnny, there are only 2 things in this world I don't understand and that's woman and Tiny'Mon. ''[Dukey yawns]'' And you need to stop playing or you'll get lost inside your own Tiny'Mon world and NEVER COME OUT! ''[he leaves with Johnny and Dukey's game]''
:'''Dukey''': We're going to the lab aren't we?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Dukey''': Cuddlebuns? He's cute, but he stinks! ''[Cuddlebuns makes a sad face]'' He can't win! WE'RE DOOMED! I'm gonna loose my mind now. ''[He screams three times before fainting.]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Johnny''': ''[voiceover; as he comes to school stinky]'' 1. There's always a seating on the bus. 2. I gets to skipping the lines in the cafeteria. And 3. Which is the best of all, I'm my own science projecting. Fa-da! [cut to him at home]'' Therefore, I will never taking a bath again! ''[leaves]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Dukey''': ''[surprised]'' You didn't bathe for 5 weeks and rub fish on yourself for me?
:'''Johnny''': Uh-huh. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you.

===Johnny Fu/Johnny Escape from Bling Bling Island===
:'''Bling-Bling Boy's Mom''': ''[after hearing Johnny broke a plant]'' EUGENE! THAT'S IT! And you broke a plant! You are in so much trouble mister! ''[he grabs Bling-Bling's ear]''
:'''Bling-Bling Boy''': Ow-ow-ow! I will have revenge Johnny Test! Ow mom, that hurts!

== Season 4 (2009-2011) ==
===Johnny's New Baby Sisters/Porta Johnny===
:''[Babies start crying, with stink lines coming from the kitchen]''
:'''Gil:''': Johnny! The babies--they smell really, really bad, kind of like anal beads!
:'''Johnny:''': And that's why you need to change...their diapers!
:''[Johnny pulls out a clean diaper and gives it to Gil.]''
:''[Gil faints from the smell]''
:''[Babies are on the table, crying, with stink lines coming from their diapers]''
:'''Johnny:''': (to Dukey) You gotta change them.

===Runaway Johnny/Johnny on the Spot===
:''[Mr. Black and Mr. White have caught Johnny and Dukey and are escorting them home.]''
:'''Mr. White''': Okay, we want answers. Why did you resist a police officer?
:'''Johnny''': Why are you police officers?
:'''Mr. Black''': I blew up Malaysia.

===Papa Johnny/The Johnnyminster Dog Show===
:'''Johnny''': You wouldn't last a day in my shoes.
:'''Hugh''': '''''YOU COULDN'T LAST AN HOUR IN MINE!!!!!'''''
:'''Susan &amp; Mary''': We can arrange that.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Hugh''': Being stuffed into my own locker by Bumper is still better than toilet plunging.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[A long while after Hugh and Johnny swap brains.]''
:'''Johnny''': I can't take it. '''DAD WINS!''' I just want my horrible childhood back!
:'''Hugh''': And I want my awful life back!
:'''Johnny''': I'm so sorry, Dad! And, I love you, man.
:'''Hugh''': I love you too, son. And Bumper's coming here to kick your butt. I mean ''my'' butt. I mean '''''HELP!'''''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[When Johnny (in Hugh's body) is about to shoot Bumper with a marshmallow shooter loaded with sprouts.]''
:'''Johnny''': You leave me... ahem... ''[DING X39!!!!]''
:'''Bumper''': Are those Brussels sprouts?
:'''Johnny''': Boiled. No butter, no salt.
:''[When Johnny (in Hugh's body) shoots Bumper with a marshmallow shooter loaded with sprouts. Bumper swallows the Brussels sprouts.]''
:'''Bumper''': Ah! I give up, Test with a cold! You win! &lt;big&gt;'''''YOU WIN!!!'''''&lt;/big&gt; ''[Runs away, crying]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Hugh (in Johnny's body)''': ''[Notices that Lila is Home due to car skidding noises]'' And now, it's about to get worse.
:'''Lila''': Why is the house smoking with burned cupcakes all over the lawn?! ''[Camera zooms out showing the house is smoking with burned cupcakes all over the lawn.]'' And why did I get a call from the Principal saying: &quot;Johnny cuts school&quot;!?
:'''Johnny (in Hugh's body)''': Yep, we're dead.
''[Lila is shocked]''
:'''Johnny (in Hugh's body)''': ''(tries to imitate Hugh's voice)'' Uh, uh, I mean, I have a cold.
:'''Lila''': Someone tell me what's going on!
:'''Johnny (in Hugh's body)''': We switched places to find out who had a tougher life. And they're ''both'' pretty tough! And frankly, Mom, you should take advantage of Dad. 
:'''Lila''': You switched their '''BODIES?!'''
:'''Susan''': No! We switched their '''''brains'''''.
:'''Lila''': Oh. '''''WELL, SWITCH THEM BACK!'''''
''[Susan &amp; Mary swap Hugh and Johnny's brains.]''
:'''Johnny &amp; Hugh''': I'm back to normal!!
:'''Lila''': But ''I'm'' still mad at ''all'' of you! I worked hard all day and all week, and I don't want to come home to a destroyed house. And now, ''(Yelling)'' &lt;big&gt;'''''I HAVE TO MAKE THE CUPCAKES!!!!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Lila (in Susan's body)''': ''[Running]'' &lt;big&gt;'''''AAAAHHH! GET AWAY, EUGENE, I'M NOT INTO YOU!!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Bling Bling Boy''': But I love you, Susan Test, who clearly has a cold!
:'''Hugh''': Well, Your mom's getting ahead of Eugene pretty good. I wonder how Susan's baking's going? ''[Everyone but Dukey put on their glasses]''
:'''Susan (in Lila's body)''': &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
''[Explosion occurs and burned cupcakes fall on the lawn]''
:'''Johnny''': Ha! It really is like the 4th of July!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

===Join the Johnny Scouts/Johnny B.C.===
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
(The episode starts with Hugh reading a newspaper. Johnny &amp; Dukey walk in)
:'''Johnny''': I need a new bike. 
:'''Hugh''': What happened to your old bike?
(Johnny looks puzzled. Flashback begins with Johnny &amp; Dukey testing their bikes with test dummies of themselves)
:'''Johnny''': First, we test to jump with these look-like dummies, then calculate the speed and trajectory will need to make the jump for real!
:'''Dukey''': It's genius!
(Johnny &amp; Dukey push their bikes down the hill. The test dummies go really fast, They go over a ramp, and land right in the garbage truck. The garbage truck drives away as Johnny &amp; Dukey looked shocked. Flashback ends)
:'''Johnny''': Uh... it got stolen?
:'''Hugh''': Hm?
:'''Johnny''': (Dramatic) Why, dad, why did it have to get stolen?
:'''Hugh''': I'll get you a new bike for your birthday. (Johnny looks overjoyed) Which is seven months away.
:'''Johnny''': (Angrily flails his arms)  '''''YOU DON'T LOVE ME!!'''''
:'''Hugh''': I do love you, son, and I will always love and accept you for who you are your entire life.
:'''Johnny''': I don't know what that means.
:'''Hugh''': It means you're not getting a new bike until your birthday.
:'''Johnny''': DARN IT!!
(Suddenly, the door bell rings, Hugh opens the door and reveals Sissy Blakely, Johnny's romantic rival, who is selling ladybird scout cookies)
:'''Sissy''': Hi, Mr. Test, would you like to buy some ladybird scout cookies?
:'''Hugh''': No, because I'm... I believe the lady bird scouts have lost their way and have become nothing but a door to door cookie company using free labor, and although I like you sissy, I can no longer buy these cookies. (Walks away)
:'''Sissy''': Your dad is weird.
:'''Johnny''': Yeah, I know. (Johnny &amp; Sissy look at each other) You look dumb.
:'''Sissy''': Do you want to buy some cookies, Test?
:'''Johnny''': Oh wow, ladybird scout cookies, they look so good and... No. (Dukey hits Johnny) Ow!
(Dukey gives Johnny some money)
:'''Johnny''': I mean, give me a box of Wow! Wow! Chocolate Chunkies. (Dukey hits Johnny then shakes his head &quot;no&quot;) Ow, Coconut Dribblers?
(Dukey shakes his head &quot;no&quot; again) 
:'''Dukey''': Hm! 
:'''Johnny''': Lemon Buckwalt? (Dukey groans while shaking his head &quot;no&quot; yet again. Johnny takes the blue box of cookies) Butter Scotch Blah Blas?
(Dukey shakes his head &quot;yes&quot;. Johnny pays for the cookies)
:'''Sissy''': Yes! Only 999 boxes to go.
:'''Johnny''': To go for what?
:'''Sissy''': When you sell lady bird scout cookies, (Sissy opens a blue folder attached on her clipboard and it reveals prizes depending on the boxes of cookies sold) you can win prizes like backpacks, pen sets, and if you sell a thousand boxes, you get new bike.
(Johnny &amp; Dukey shriek in excitement. The duo head to Susan &amp; Mary's laboratory.)
:'''Mary''': Stop!
(Camera zooms out to reveal a gigantic T-Rex named Wentworth)
:'''Susan''': Sit. (Wentworth sits down) Good boy. (Gives Wentworth steak. Wentworth eats the steak) What do you want this time, little brother? A lerinx transplant so you can sing like a rockstar?
:'''Mary''': Or a DNA adjustment that will make your tongue taste like bubble gum?
:'''Johnny''': No, we need your old ladybird scout uniforms.
(Susan &amp; Mary look at each other)
:'''Susan''': That's a new one.
(Cuts to outside of Johnny's house. Johnny &amp; Dukey are wearing Susan &amp; Mary's old ladybird scout uniforms)
:'''Johnny''': Now all we have to do is sell 1,000 boxes of this crud, and zoom, we're in brand new bike city!
:'''Dukey''': And here comes our first customer.
===Dark Johnny/No Homework for Johnny===
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Narrator''': In an earlier experiment on Johnny Test, Johnny and Dukey were rocketed into space to find life. 
Once there, they landed on Vegandon and met Dark Vegan, the leader of a clan who ate only vegetables. 
But soon, Johnny discovered Vegandon's secret, that they live in paradise because they suck all the resources of other planets, eventually destroying them. So with the Earth under attack, Johnny, with the help of Dark Vegan's redonious daughter, Jillian, Stopped the invasion and restored all the water and trees to Earth. And now, without an army or a ship, Dark Vegan is stranded on Earth and totally hates Johnny. 

:'''Dark Vegan''': '''''I WILL DESTROY YOU!!'''''

:'''Narrator''': Jillian still likes Johnny, though.

:'''Johnny Test''': It's called Rock n' Roll. It's better when it's loud, but that's when parents start to hate it.

:'''Jillian''': Let's try it.

''[Jillian turns up the volume on the ipod radio. Johnny and Dukey dance to the beat. Jillian looks at the audience, shrugs, then decides to join in with Johnny and Dukey. Dark Vegan comes into the living room.]''

:'''Dark Vegan''': Turn that pulsating noise down!

:'''Jillian''': ''[While dancing]'' It's called Rock 'n' Roll. We never had it on Vegandon. I like it.

:'''Dark Vegan''': Well, I despise it! ''[Pulls out his lightsaber and destroys the radio]'' And I despise you, Johnny Test, and I will destroy you, and- Oh no! I'm late for work. Darn it! 

''[Runs to his car and goes to work]''

:'''Johnny Test''': So how's your dad doing with the, you know, adjustment?

:'''Jillian''': He's having a really hard time keeping an Earth job.

''[Cuts to a restaurant. Text shows: Job #3: Dark Waiter.]''

:'''Male Customer''': Can we get some more water?

''[Dark Vegan Pulls out his lightsaber.]''

:'''Dark Vegan''': No!

''[Cuts to the Vallet Parking. Text shows: Job #17: Dark Vallet. A red car skids to a stop.]''

:'''Cool Guy''': Hey, park this for me, will you, pal? 

''[Throws the car keys at Dark Vegan's face. Dark Vegan crushes the car keys and lifts the red car with the force and places it with the other destroyed cars. The cool guy is shocked at what he saw. Dark Vegan puts a ticket in the cool guy's suit/shirt. Cut to the Dount Shop. Text shows; Job #32: Dark Dount.]''

:'''Female Costumer''': This is not the correct change.

''[Dark Vegan presses the $ button several times while groaning in anger. Dark Vegan lifts the lady using the force, causing her to drop the coins in the process.]''

:'''Dark Vegan''': &lt;big&gt;'''''I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOUR EARTH MONEY!!!'''''&lt;/big&gt; Just be happy I'll let you live.

''[Everyone runs out of the Donut Shop, screaming. The manager looks at Dark Vegan, unhappily]''

:'''Dark Vegan''': I'm fired, right?

''[Cuts to Dark Vegan's house. Johnny, Dukey and Jillian are watching T.V.]''

:'''Dark Vegan''': ''[Points at Johnny]'' &lt;big&gt;'''''YOU!!'''''&lt;/big&gt; '''''YOU''''' did this to me! I was the ruler of my planet, and now I'm an '''''UNEMPLOYABLE LOSER!!!'''''

:'''Dark Vegan's Wife''': Honey, you have to try this new earthly recipe. It's called toast. ''[Shoves a slice of toast in Dark Vegan's mouth.]'' Oh, and I went to an amusement park today. And you know what? I was really amused. 

:'''Johnny Test''': I told you Earth was cool.

:'''Dark Vegan''': Earth is '''''SO NOT COOL!!''''' You destroyed my life, Johnny Test. ''[Eats toast]'' And I promise, I will destroy you.

''[Cuts to Johnny's room. Johnny and Dukey are sleeping. Dark Vegan tries to sabotage their beauty sleep, but Dukey bites Dark Vegan's leg. Dark Vegan then makes a hole on the wall with his lightsaber and falls.]''

:'''Dark Vegan''': &lt;big&gt;'''''I WILL BE BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCKKKKKK!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;

''[Dukey yawns and goes back to sleep. The next day, Johnny and Dukey are skateboarding in the streets. Dark Vegan tries to sabotage their fun by lifting the sewage lid using the force, but a car hits him. Johnny and Dukey skateboard by. Cut to Dukey impersonating animals. First, a penguin.]''

:'''Johnny Test''': A penguin. ''[Dukey growls like a lion.]'' A lion. ''[Dukey impersonates a vulture.]'' A vulture. ''[Gets lifted by the force]''
Huh?

:'''Dark Vegan''': I'm through playing games, Johnny Test! ''[Dukey impersonates a goat and pushes Dark Vegan off a cliff.]'' &lt;big&gt;'''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;

:'''Johnny Test''': A Billy goat.

:'''Dukey''': Shhh-bingo!
[THUD!]

''[Cuts to Johnny's house. Johnny, Dukey and Jillian are playing video games.]''

:'''Jillian''': Sorry about my dad, Johnny. He really hasn't been himself since you defeated him, and he can't get us home to Vegandon.

:'''Johnny Test''': Don't sweat it.

''[Dark Vegan opens the door.]''

:'''Dark Vegan''': I give up. You are too mighty an opponent, Johnny Test. I just miss being an evil ruler on my whole planet so much, and I just... ''[Cries]''

:'''Johnny Test''': Oh man, he's crying.

''[Cuts to the kitchen. Dark Vegan takes a slice of toast.]''

:'''Dark Vegan''': Well, I guess I'm just homesick, and it's really hard adapting to a new planet and- ''[Eats toast]'' What is this called again?

:'''Dukey''': Um, toast?

:'''Dark Vegan''': It's good. ''Really'' good.

:'''Johnny Test''': Okay, well, Dukey and I talked about it and decided, we want to help you out.

:'''Dark Vegan''': Yes, of course. We will join forces, Johnny, and with our powers united, we will rule the galaxy!

:'''Jillian''': No, dad. That's not it.

''[Dark Vegan puts Johnny down.]''

:'''Johnny Test''': We'll help you get home, ''but'', you got to promise not to come back to Earth and try to destroy it.

:'''Jillian''': ''Or'' destroy any ''other'' planets in the Galaxy.

:'''Dark Vegan''': What?! Forget it!

:'''Jillian''': Fine. Here are the want ads. ''[Throws a newspaper at Dark Vegan's face.]''

''[Dark Vegan walks away. Dark Vegan takes two more slices of toast. Cuts to the Used Cars Shop.]''

:'''Dark Vegan''': This is a great deal, huh?

:'''Customer''': I don't know. I was kinda thinking about getting something smaller.

:'''Dark Vegan''': You want smaller? Fine. How's this!? ''[Slices the car with his lightsaber.]''

:'''Customer''': '''''AAAAAAHHH!!! THIS GUY IS NUTS!!!''''' ''[Runs away]''

''[The manager looks at Dark Vegan, unhappily]''

:'''Dark Vegan''': I'm fired, right?

''[The manager points to the right, telling him to go away. Dark Vegan, depressed, walks away. Cuts to Johnny's house. Johnny, Dukey and Jillian are playing video games again.]''

:'''Dark Vegan''': Okay. I'll stop destroying planets if you help me get back to Vegandon.

:'''Johnny Test''': Deal. ''[Shakes Dark Vegan's hand.]''

:'''Dark Vegan''': And, uh, do you have any more of those warm crispy slices of carbohydrates?

:'''Dukey''': You mean toast?

:'''Dark Vegan''': Toast! Yes! I like toast.

''[Cut to Susan &amp; Mary's laboratory. Susan &amp; Mary are having a tea party with tea and triangle sandwiches.]''

:'''Susan Test''': No, you can't borrow the spaceship. One, because you'll just destroy it.

:'''Mary Test''': And two, we're working on a new invention that will surely get ''[Lovely]'' Gil next door, over for tea.

:'''Johnny Test''': Well, what's the invention?

:'''Susan Test''': We haven't thought of one yet.

:'''Johnny Test''': Don't worry. They always say no at first.

:'''Dukey''': Then we wear them down and they do whatever we want. ''[Chuckles]''

:'''Dark Vegan''': Do you choke them?

:'''Johnny Test''': No, I ''schmooze'' them. ''[To Susan &amp; Mary]'' Wow, this looks really nice. I love you guys so much.

:'''Susan Test''': Forget it, Johnny.

:'''Johnny Test''': Actually...

:'''Dark Vegan''': ''[Shoves Johnny out of the way and uses the force on Susan &amp; Mary]'' Enough schmoozing!

:'''Jillian''': Daddy, '''''STOP!!'''''

:'''Dark Vegan''': Now, give me the keys to the spaceship or I will destroy you!

''[Mary pulls the lever that sends Johnny, Dukey, and Dark Vegan to the pool.]''

:'''Johnny Test''': I wasn't done schmoozing!

''[Cuts to the kitchen.]''

:'''Johnny Test''': The only way we're going to get you home is with the girl's ship.

:'''Jillian''': I will ''not'' go up against your sisters. They scare me. ''[Walks away]''

:'''Dark Vegan''': Uh, wha-what is this?

:'''Dukey''': It's jelly. It makes toast even tastier. 

:'''Dark Vegan''': That's not possible. ''[Eats toast]'' It ''is'', Dukey! ''[Eats toast again]'' Oh, I have never enjoyed such a confection.

:'''Johnny Test''': Blah, blah, blah. Enough with the toast! Now, we're going to need to sneak into the lab and steal the spaceship. It's not going to be easy, but it's our only hope.

:'''Dukey''': Right, but we'll need a plan, a really good plan.

''[Cut to Susan &amp; Mary's laboratory. Susan presses the button that opens the door]''

:'''Johnny Test''': ''[Short pause]'' '''''RUN FOR IT!!'''''

''[Johnny, Dukey, and Dark Vegan run for the spaceship, but when they get close, Mary pushes down the lever that sends them back to the pool.]''

:'''Jillian''': I told you not to go up against your sisters.

''[Johnny spits the water. Cut to Susan &amp; Mary's laboratory. Susan presses the the button that opens the door. Johnny, Dukey, and Dark Vegan are dressed as inspectors.]''

:'''Dark Vegan''': We're here from the Environmental Protection Agency. And we understand you have a spaceship we need to inspect?

:'''Susan Test''': Sure. It's right over there.

''[Johnny, Dukey, and Dark Vegan walk to spaceship to inspect it while giving themselves a big thumbs up, but Mary pushes down the lever that sends them back to the pool, losing their costumes in the process. Jillian drinks her juice. Cut to Susan &amp; Mary's laboratory. Susan presses the button that opens the door. A grappling hook is deployed. Johnny, Dukey, and Dark Vegan try to get to the spaceship, but fail.]''

:'''Dark Vegan''': I was never really good at that.

:'''Johnny Test''': You're telling us this ''now!?''

''[Mary pushes down the lever that sends in a shuriken that cuts the rope and Johnny, Dukey, and Dark Vegan go back to the pool once again.
Water translates back to the kitchen. Johnny, Dukey, and Dark Vegan are very wet.]''

:'''Johnny Test''': I'm out of ideas.

:'''Dark Vegan''': And worse, we're out of toast. '''''GET ME SOME MORE!!!!'''''

:'''Dukey''': ''[Annoyed Growl]'' We're out of bread.

:'''Dark Vegan''': What's bread?

:'''Johnny Test''': ''Bread'' is what goes in the toaster that cooks the bread to make ''toast''.

:'''Dark Vegan''': ''[Grabs the toaster]'' Fascinating! And, how do you get more of this bread?

:'''Johnny Test''': Um, my dad buys it.

:'''Hugh''': ''[Grabs the toaster]'' Yes. And I'm not getting any more, because you guys have already gone through three loaves. ''[Puts down the toaster, then gets mind-controlled.]''

:'''Dark Vegan''': I will get you some more bread.

:'''Hugh [Mind-controlled]''': I'll get you some more bread.

:'''Dark Vegan''': I will go to the store right now.

:'''Hugh [Mind-controlled]''': I'll go to the store right now. ''[Goes to the store to buy more bread.]''

:'''Johnny Test''': How did you do that?

:'''Dark Vegan''': That's an old vegan mind trick.

:'''Dukey''': Why didn't you use it on Johnny's sisters?

:'''Dark Vegan''': It only works on dumb people.

:'''Johnny Test''': Oh, I know how to get that ship.

''[Cut to Susan &amp; Mary's laboratory. Susan &amp; Mary are thinking of how to get Gil over for a tea party.]''

:'''Susan Test''': What about just tying Gil up, and dragging him here?

:'''Mary Test''': It's good, but if we let him go, we could get arrested.

:'''Susan Test''': Right.

''[The alarm door blares for the last time. Susan get up angry.]''

:'''Susan Test''': OK! I am ''done'' messing around with Johnny and Dork Vegan!

:'''Mary Test''': You get the door, I'll get the lever. ''[Goes for the lever.]''

:'''Susan Test''': &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''YOU'RE NEVER GETTING THE SHIP, JOHNNY AND-'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt; ''[The door reveals Gil, who is mind-controlled.]'' ''Gillllll Next Door...''

:'''Dark Vegan''': Why, I'd love to have tea with you, Susan and Mary.

:'''Gil [Mind-controlled]''': Why, I'd love to have tea with you, Susan and Mary.

:'''Dark Vegan''': Hold my hands, and let us dine on tea, and Goofy Triangle Sandwiches.

:'''Gil [Mind-controlled]''': Hold my hands, and let us dine on tea, and Goofy Triangle Sandwiches.

:''Susan &amp; Mary'': ''Ohhhhhhhh, Gillllllllll...'' ''[Gil tries to drink the tea, but due to him being mind-controlled, he lets the tea fall on the floor.]'' ''Haaaaaaaaaaaaaa...''

:''Johnny'': Hey, we need the keys to the...

''[Susan, not even looking at Johnny, gives Johnny the keys to the spaceship.]''

:'''Dark Vegan''': ''[Victorious]'' Yes! We're going home!

''[Cuts to Vegandon.]''

:'''Dark Vegan''': Dear, Vegandons, I have returned once again to be your leader.

''[Everyone Cheers]''

:'''Dark Vegan's Wife''': But, I liked it on Earth.

:'''Jillian''': I already miss Johnny, and rock music, and video games and...

:'''Dark Vegan''': '''''SILENCE!!''''' Now, let us celebrate with an amazing Vegandon feast!

''[Everyone Cheers again. Confetti translates to the Vegandon diner. The waitress serves something that was not toast.]''

:'''Dark Vegan''': Uh, where's the toast? I want toast!

:'''Vegandon Waitress''': There's no toast on Vegandon, sir.

:'''Dark Vegan''': What? Why not?

:'''Vegandon Chef''': Uh. The crunchy, Earth delicacy you described, it cannot be created because Vegandon lacks uh, bread.

:'''Vegandon Waitress''': And, we haven't invented the toaster.

:'''Dark Vegan''':&lt;big&gt;'''''Nnnooooooo!'''''&lt;/big&gt;

''[Cuts outside of Johnny's House. Johnny and Dukey are skateboarding in the streets again. The spaceship lands on the front of Dark Vegan's House.]''

:'''Dukey''': Oh no.

:'''Dark Vegan''': We're back!

:'''Johnny Test''': '''''WHAT!?''''' We worked our butts off to get you guys back to your planet!

:'''Jillian''': Yeah, but there's no ''toast'' there.

:'''Dukey''': You came back for toast?

:'''Dark Vegan''': '''''YES!!''''' ''[Goes to the house to get his toast.]'' With jelly! ''[Eats toast]''

:'''Jillian''': Personally, I'm glad we're back.

:'''Dark Vegan''': And now that I'm staying my earlier vimit as void. And I promise, &lt;big&gt;'''''TO DESTROY EARTH, AND YOU, JOHNNY TEST!!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;

:'''Jillian''': You might wanna run, Johnny.

:'''Johnny Test''': Way ahead of you.

''[Johnny and Dukey skateboard away from Dark Vegan, screaming.]''

:'''Dark Vegan''': Toast! Toast! I like toast.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

===Johnny Grow Your Own Monster/Who's Johnny?===
:'''Mary''': And with all those side effects swimming around in that monster, there's no telling what that thing will do!
:'''Dukey''': ''[furious]'' There's '''plenty''' of telling what that thing will do! It will do what all your experiments do - destroy the town! Because you are all '''INSANE!!!'''
:'''Johnny, Susan, and Mary''': ''[in unison]'' No, we're adventurous. There's a ''huge'' difference.

===Princess Johnny/99 Deeds of Johnny Test===
:'''Principal''': Johnny, here's what I'm thinking...
:'''Johnny''': Please, don't give me a detention! My Dad'll send me to military school! That means uniforms! Atomic wedgies!... Awkward pauses!
:'''Principal''': I like you, Johnny.
:'''Johnny''': So I'm free to go?
:'''Principal''': No. But I'm gonna cut you a deal. If you perform 99 good deeds to make up for your 99 bad deeds, I'll forget every one of your detentions and erase them from your permanent record. 
:'''Johnny''': Couldn't I just write something on the chalkboard a zillion time like 'I promise not to blabeddy, blah, blah, blah.' Huh? ''(smiles hopefully, but the principal shakes his head.)'' 99 good deeds it is!
:'''Principal''': And no cheating. Remember, I'm the principal. I know everything!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Johnny tries to help an old lady cross the road. He takes her arm.]''
:'''Johnny''': Hello, Ma'am. May I assist you?
:'''Old Lady''': Oh, I get it. I'm an old lady. Well, I'm also independent, lonely, but independent. BACK OFF!
:'''Johnny''': Yeah? You forgot CRAZY!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Johnny''': WHAT D'YOU MEAN NONE OF MY GOOD DEEDS COUNT?!!
:'''Principal''': Solving a problem that you create is NOT a good deed. Returning the wallet was a good deed, but your dog swiped it. And giving someone their I.B. bag back is nice, but your dog shouldn't have taken it in the first place.
:'''Johnny''': Um... how did you know it was my dog?
:'''Principal''': I know everything. Plus, I have access to the city's traffic surveillance system.
:'''Johnny''': Wow. I look so guilty on camera.

===Guess Who's Coming to Johnny's for Dinner/Johnny's New BFF===
:'''Lila''': I'm calling Wendell, Tyler, Sissy and Bumper's moms again! You need a best friend, mister!
:'''Johnny''': I have a best friend, ok! A best friend who plays catch with me outside, skateboards with me and eats my table scraps. Dukey.
:'''Hugh''': Dukey is a great dog, son. But... you need to talk to someone other than yourself.
:'''Johnny''': ''(to Dukey)'' Say 'hi'. Go on, say it. Say it before they destroy me with friends!
:'''Lila''': Johnny, dogs don't talk.
:''[Johnny gives a gesture for Dukey to speak.]''
:'''Dukey''': ''[Standing on his hind legs]'' I talk. ''(Mom and Dad gasp)'' Yeah, I'm like a ''really'' great dog. ''(Laughs, and Mom and Dad faint.)''
:'''Susan''': Eh, they'll be fine in about 2 hours.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Hugh''': Uh, is there anything you like to say, Dukey?
:'''Dukey''': Well, I've been dying to say that if you really want to increase sales you need to establish better relationships with your clients.
:'''Lila''': That makes sense.
:'''Dukey''': And Dad, your meatloaf is overcooked. Lower the temperature to 415, cook with foil on top for the last ten minutes and it's missing cumin and barbecue sauce. 
:'''Hugh''': He's right. By golly, he's right! Let's cook a meatloaf right now, boy!
:'''Lila''': Dukey, wait! I want more business tips.
:'''Johnny''': Ok, I think this is going well.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Johnny gathers the friends Mom and Dad tried to get him to play earlier with to help him.]''
:'''Bumper''': Why am I helping you? I should be beating you up!
:'''Johnny''': Because I need someone who can scare people. And Bumper, you are amazing at scaring people!
:'''Bumper''': You... you think I'm amazing? ''(tearfully'') Nobody's ever said that to me. ''(Hugging him)'' I am so there for you, buddy!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Sissy''': What do we do now, Test?
:'''Johnny''': Well... what do friends do?
:'''Bumper''': Er... I think they play Tag.
:'''Johnny''': Play Tag.

===Johnny vs. Bling Bling IV/Johnny's Big Sisters' Smackdown===
:''[After Susan and Mary are too scared to ask Gil out on a date.]''
:'''Johnny''': You guys are pathetic!
:'''Dukey''': No, totally pathetic!
:'''Susan''': We know.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Johnny''': You know, the only thing missing is my dad telling me that I have to have them back to normal by dinner or I'm in big trouble and- he's standing right behind me, isn't he?
:''(Dukey nods nervously and Johnny turns around.)''
:'''Johnny''': I'd like to start this conversation with; I didn't do it.
:'''Dad''': I don't know what &quot;it&quot; is, Johnny, but you better have Susan and Mary home and normal by dinner or you're in big trouble, BIG!

===King Johnny/Johnny Re-Animated===
:''[When explaining to Johnny about the King's Madness.]''
:'''Susan''': People go looney when they get power.
:'''Mary''': It happened to George III, Henry VIII and Napoleon. And he was short and crazy just like you.
:'''Susan''': You'll get the power, enjoy it way too much and try and take over Europe. So forget it!
:'''Johnny''': Europe? I'm not gonna take over Europe today.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Susan''': I knew I was gonna regret this.
:'''Johnny''': And now my chess army... LET'S TAKE OVER EUROPE!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Johnny''': Way to go, my army! We have captured Spain, and their flan!
:'''Dukey''': Freeze, King Johnny! Your reign and this game are over!
:'''Johnny''': I say when the game is over and PAWNS ATTACK!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[When Agents Black and White try and storm the Toy Castle Johnny has taken over.]''
:'''Black''': Attention, crazy person! 
:'''White''': Come out with your royal hands up or massive force will be... used... on... you... 
:''(They notice Susan, Mary and Dukey.)'' 
:'''Black''': Oh, for the love of... is that Johnny in there?
:'''Susan, Mary &amp; Dukey''': Yep.
:'''White''': Why can't you guys be like normal kids and play board games?
:'''Dukey''': That's kind of what we're doing. ''(Laughs.)''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Johnny''': You think you can stop me?! The king with your blasters?!
:'''Dukey''': Actually we're gonna use the turbo soaker. Check and mate!
:''[Shoots cold water at Johnny. He splutters and shakes his head.]''
:'''Johnny''':  Who? What? Where? What happened?
:'''Dukey''': You went crazy with the King Madness and took over the Toy Castle.
:'''Johnny''': Did we have fun?
:'''Susan &amp; Mary''': We had a blast!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[When cartoon characters Dawg and Bone enter the real world.]''
:'''Johnny''': OW! You hit us with frying pans!
:'''Dawg''': Since when does that hurt? ''[He and Bone hit each other with frying pans and their faces are completely flat. They shake their heads and they return to normal.]'' That is always funizle!
:'''Dukey''': Oh, no. They're from a squash and stretch cartoon!
:'''Johnny''': And that means?
:'''Dukey''': They can't get hurt in our world, but we can!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[When Dawg and Bone are about to be blown up with dynamite.]''
:'''Dawg''': This is a new one.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Johnny and Dukey hit Dawg and Bone with frying pans to which onlookers laugh.]''
:'''Woman''': Hey, that was kinda funny!
:''[Dawg and Bone shake their heads to return normal and then pull out large laser guns.]''
:'''Woman''': Not funny anymore! Run!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[When Johnny, Dukey, Susan and Mary enter the cartoon world.]''
:'''Dukey''': And you still don't see anything familiar about this cartoon?
:'''Johnny''': Nope. Ok, Dawg. Do it!
:'''Dawg''': You got it, Johnny.
:''[He and Bone hit Johnny and Dukey with frying pans and their faces are completely flat.]''
:'''Johnny &amp; Dukey''': Awesome!

===Good Ol' Johnny Test/Johnny X Strikes Back Again!===
:''[When Johnny and Dukey are mutated back into Johnny X and Super Pooch. Dukey opens his mouth furiously.]''
:'''Johnny''': If you don't have anything nice or encouraging to say, then don't say anything.
:''[Dukey covers his mouth resignedly.]''
:'''Johnny''': Good boy. Now, to Pork Belly!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Johnny''': What do these mutant dorks look like anyway?
:''[An explosion blasts away part of Johnny's room, revealing two mutant agent robots.]''
:'''General''': They look like that. Oh, and the capes were their idea, not mine.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Johnny''': Knock, knock?
:'''Super Mutant''': Who's there?
:'''Johnny''': Super Duper Power Poots!
:'''Super Mutant''': Oh, crud!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Johnny''': Ok, everyone say &quot;Power Poots!&quot;
:'''Everyone''': POWER POOTS!!!

== Season 5 (2011-2012) ==
===Fangs a Lot Johnny/Johnny Testosterone===
:'''Choir Master''': So Johnny Test thinks he can blow off choir class again?
:'''Johnny''': I'm right here!
:'''Choir Master''': Oh, right. I forgot, you haven't grown like the others. Ok, sing a sad note, everyone.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[When deciding how to give Johnny the formulae that will make him taller.]''
:'''Johnny''': You know needles freak me out!
:'''Mary''': We could give you a suppository.
:'''Johnny''': What's that? ''[Mary whispers something in Johnny's ear.]'' Are you nuts?!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Johnny''': ''(After receiving a suppository)'' Man, I hate getting medicine like that!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Dukey''': Hey, let's all laugh now like they do at the end of old sitcoms.
:'''Susan &amp; Mary''': Ok!
:''[Johnny, Dukey, Susan &amp; Mary all laugh.]''

===Johnny Two Face/Johnny Susan, Susan Johnny===
:''[After Truth Johnny insults a girl.]''
:'''Johnny''': Why'd you say that to her?
:'''Truth Johnny''': Because it's the truth, that's why.
:'''Johnny''': Yeah, but it hurt her feelings.
:'''Truth Johnny''': So what should I do? Lie like you always do?
:'''Johnny:''' No, but if you don't have anything nice to say maybe you shouldn't say anything at all, even if it's the truth. How about that?!
:'''Truth Johnny''': Blah, blah, blah! Not my fault if people can't handle the truth. They'll just have to get over it.
:'''Johnny''': Ok, that's it! You're going down!
:'''Truth Johnny''': No, the truth is you're going down.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Johnny''': I will stop the truth from hurting peoples' feelings!
:'''Truth Johnny''': The truth hurts! Get over it!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Truth Johnny''': You're all ugly!
:'''Susan''': Ok, I am hating the truth today!

===My Dinner with Johnny/Johnny Alternative===
:'''Hugh''': Why is using your manners at the dinner table so difficult for you?
:'''Johnny''': Because dinner is so boring.
:'''Hugh''': How would you know? You never sit still long enough. 1 night. Is that too much to ask. Ha! I bet you couldn't even do it for 1 night.
:'''Johnny''': I totally could.
:'''Lila''': Yeah, I don't think so, sweetheart.
:'''Hugh''': You think you can just sit there and not spill, burp, mini vomit, make a gross comment or destroy anything at tomorrow's dinner? And eat whatever's put in front of you?
:'''Johnny''': Piece of cake. And if I do it and win the bet you have to do my homework for a week and buy me ten new video games.
:'''Hugh''': And when I win you clean your room for a year and yell from the rooftop for everyone to hear that you love my meatloaf.
:'''Johnny &amp; Hugh''': Deal!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Johnny''': I need your help to win the bet.
:'''Susan''': And what do we get out of it?
:'''Dukey''': Can't you just help him because you're brother and sister?
:'''Susan''': No.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Lila''': '''I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS INSANITY!!'''
:'''Johnny &amp; Hugh''': ''He started it!''
:'''Lila''': I don't want to hear it. You're both responsible. Johnny, would it be too much to keep your elbows off the table, excuse yourself after burping and ask for things instead of reaching for them?
:'''Johnny''': ''(awkwardly)'' No.
:'''Lila''': And dear, we're not sitting with the Queen of England can you not be such a stickler about manners? Lighten up a little. And maybe choose ingredients for your Around the World Meatloafs that this family would actually enjoy eating?
:'''Hugh''': ''(awkwardly)'' Yes.

== Season 6 (2013-2014) ==
===Johnny Vets Dukey/Johnny's #1 Fan===
:'''Dukey''': What's behind your back?
:'''Johnny''': Nothing!
:'''Dukey''': Where're we going in the car?
:'''Johnny''': To the Squeaky... Toy... Hotdog... Roller-Coaster Store.
:'''Dukey''': That doesn't sound like a real thing. What's behind your back?! ''[Reaches behind Johnny.]'' A leash! Wait a minute... Dad in car, boy hiding leash, the smell of deceit lingering in the air... ''(gasps)'' you're trying to take me to the vet!!
:'''Johnny''': It's just a checkup. Don't be a scaredey cat.
:'''Dukey''': Watch it, mister! I'm a scaredey ''dog''! Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go run in fear.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Johnny''': Dukey, nobody likes going to the doctor, but it's something we all have to do. Like homework or holding in gas at the dinner table. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Johnny''': I need your keys.
:'''Dad''': Huh?
:'''Johnny''': He locked the front door.
:'''Dad''': How does a dog...
:'''Johnny''': HE'S AN IMPRESSIVE DOG, OK?!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Dukey''': Really?! You're gonna ''laser'' me to the vet?!
:'''Johnny''': It's for your own good!
:'''Dukey''': This is how you convince me to not be scared?!
:'''Johnny''': Will you just hold still so I can laser you!?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Dukey''': You'll never take me alive!
:'''Johnny''': You might have heart worms!
:'''Dukey''': I might not!
:'''Johnny''': You might have fleas!
:'''Dukey''': I haven't scratched in weeks!
:'''Johnny''': That's a lie and you know it!

===How to Train Your Johnny/Johnny and Clyde===
:'''Johnny''': ''(singing)'' # With a swish, swish here and a scrub, scrub there. It's time to clean up everywhere. So say goodbye to filth and grime, I'll clean this mess in double time. ''(Whistles)'' Well, it used to be a chore, but it isn't anymore when you've got the secret to a super clean floor. Now the dirt's all gone and it didn't take long when you sing along to the clean up song. ''(Whistles)'' When you sing along to the clean up song! #
:'''Dad''': Great job, son. And now that the house is clean I'm gonna prepare a cleaning day feast.
:'''Dukey''': Well, say all you like, but you gotta admit the song was catchy.
:'''Johnny''': And now it's stuck, stuck, stuck in my head, head, head! ARGH!
:'''Dukey''': Ok! Calm down, down, down! It'll wear off.
:'''Johnny''': ''(singing)'' # And it's my dog I grab and I take him to the lab!#

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[A Garbage Truck Appears Outside the Window]''
:'''Johnny''': Kitty!
:'''Dukey''': No Johnny, That's not a Neighbor's Cat, That's a Garbage Truck. Johnny, Kitties are Fluffy, And Evil, And... ''[Dukey looked Shocked]'' Where's Johnny? Johnny?
:''[Johnny rides on the Garbage Truck]''
:'''Johnny''': Kitty! Kitty!
:'''Dukey''': You had to Erase his Brain.
:'''Susan''': We were Trying to HELP!! Now Run, Dog, RUN!!!
:''[Susan and Dukey Runs After the Garbage Truck]''

===Johnny's Supreme Theme/Past and Present Johnny===
:'''Susan:''' The Theme-O'meter utilizes harmonic sequencing combined with brainwave alteration to evoke various cinematic atmospheres.
:'''Johnny:''' Can I get a science to English translation?
:'''Mary:''' It's melodic frequencies adjust brain perception to create various filmic styles within reality.
:'''Johnny:''' Can I get an English to Johnny translation?
:'''Susan:''' It makes real life just like a movie.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[When Sissy and Bling-Bling get turned into werewolves.]''
:'''Johnny:''' Well, Dukey, guess it's time for our last words.
:'''Dukey:''' Does horrified screaming count?!
:'''Johnny:''' I'm gonna go with yes.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Johnny:''' Ok, so we need an ending. How do Horror movies end?
:'''Susan &amp; Mary:''' Everybody dies!
:'''Johnny:''' Romantic Musical?
:'''Susan &amp; Mary:''' Kissing!
:'''Johnny:''' I've had a good life. Let's stick with Horror.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Dukey:''' ''(singing)'' #''Johnny, what's going on? We're grooving to a crazy song! How long is it gonna last? I hope this movie theme moves fast!'' #
:'''Johnny:''' ''(singing)'' #''We need a kiss to break this trance. Susan, won't you take this chance. Kiss Gil!'' #
:'''Susan:''' Kiss Gil?! ''(singing)'' #''No, I don't think I will. I'd sooner might choose death. Argh! Coz Gil's got werewolf breath!#
:'''Johnny:''' Well, there's gotta be a kiss soon. Coz I can't take much more of this corny musical... ''(singing)'' #''Listen, Bling-Bling, here's my plan; kiss my sister be a man!'' #
:''[Bling-Bling kisses Susan and she soon pulls away from him and spits in disgust.]''
:'''Johnny:''' Should've gone with the werewolf breath.

===Johnny's Head in the Clouds/Stop in the Name of Johnny===
:''[Johnny witnesses the Speedster run through the crowded hallway.]''
:'''Johnny''': Whoa! That kid should deliver pizzas. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Dukey''': ''(To Johnny, laughing)'' You?! The hall monitor? Oh, the irony! That's like putting me in charge of the meat fridge! That's a good idea.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Bumper''': Why should I help you, Test?
:'''Johnny''': Because if you don't, I'm taking you down. 
:'''Bumper''': Down where?
:'''Johnny''': The Big House, the Clink, the Slammer, the Pokey.
:'''Bumper''': The Hokey Pokey?
:'''Dukey''': No. He means detention.

===Dial J for Johnny/Road Trip Johnny===
:'''Johnny''': You? Funny? Prank?
:'''Dad''': Yeah, prank phone calling was the best thing ever. Until I pranked the wrong guy. He really didn't find it funny!
:'''Johnny''': You hear that, Dukey. Prank calling is the best thing ever. Let's do it! Thanks for the advice, Dad.
:'''Dad''': So I skipped town, got plastic surgery and changed my name to Dad.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Bling-Bling's phone rings.]''
:'''Bling-Bling''': A call from the Test house! This is it! Susan is finally calling to ask me out. Why, hello?
:'''Johnny''': Hello, ''(laughs)'' is your refrigerator running?
:'''Bling-Bling''': Well, I exp... wait, Johnny Test! Nice try! But I have caller I.D!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Johnny telephones [[Thomas Edison]].]''
:'''Edison''': Hello?
:'''Johnny''': Is Mr or Mrs. Wall there?
:'''Edison''': No, there are no Walls here.
:'''Johnny''': ''(laughs)'' Then what holds up the ceiling?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Dukey telephones [[Leonardo da Vinci]].]''
:'''Da Vinci''': Da Vinci residence. Leonardo speaking.
:'''Dukey''': Hello, I'm looking for a Mr. O'Brains, first name Ivan.
:'''Da Vinci''': Ivan O'Brains?
:'''Dukey''': ''(laughs)'' You have no brains?!
:'''Da Vinci''': What? No! I didn't mean that!
:'''Dukey''': You're the one who said it, dude!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Johnny telephones [[Alexander Graham Bell]].]''
:'''Bell''': Hello?
:'''Johnny''': Hi, er, do you have a blue shirt?
:'''Bell''': A blue shirt? Why yes I do.
:'''Johnny''': Ah, then why don't you cheer it up?

===Code Crackin' Johnny/Johnny Goes Viral===
:'''Dukey''': Johnny, lately you seem to know an awful lot about... everything.
:'''Johnny''': What's so weird about knowing that King Charles made Blasco Núñez Vela the first viceroy of Peru in 1544?
:'''Dukey''': Uh-huh. Er... what's a viceroy?
:'''Johnny''': I don't know. Wait! I ''do'' know!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Mary''': Just because you think someone performed highly experimental cutting edge augmentation on your brain you instantly blame us?
:'''Johnny''': Er... yeah.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Johnny''': ''(speaking in a female computer voice)'' Virus detected. Auto-restart.
:'''Dukey''': I'll save you!
:''[Dukey pulls a hospital-type curtain behind Johnny's head. Drilling noises are heard before Dukey reappears holding the computer chip that was attached to Johnny's head.]''
:'''Johnny''': That kinda tickled.

===The Last Flight of Johnny X/Johnny's Last Chapter===
:'''Johnny''': ''[last lines]'' You're wrong Mr. Teacherman, this is Porkbelly. Where we make our own history.
:''[the rocketship leaves Porkbelly and files off to space as the series ends]''

== Cast ==
* Johnny Test (voiced by James Arnold Taylor)
* Dukey (voiced by Louis Chirillo in Seasons 1-4, Trevor Devall in Seasons 5-6)
* Susan Test (voiced by Maryke Hendrikse)
* Mary Test (voiced by Brittney Wilson in Seasons 1 and 5, Ashleigh Ball in Seasons 2-4 and 6)

== External links ==
{{wikipedia|Johnny Test}}
[[Category:2000s American animated comedy TV shows]]
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[[Category:2000s Canadian animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2010s Canadian animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated action TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated comic science fiction TV shows]]
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[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
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[[Category:Television series by Warner Bros. Animation]]
[[Category:TV shows revived after cancellation]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Jennifer's Body</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
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      <contributor>
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        <id>3316188</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>I added images of Amanda Seyfried and Megan Fox in this page.</comment>
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      <text bytes="9236" sha1="6tmcz51sqkhwokt67dsry0vuqgo5qr0" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
[[File:Jennifers body logo.png|thumb| Hell is a teenage girl.]]
'''''[[w:Jennifer's Body|Jennifer's Body]]''''' is a [[w:2009 in film|2009]] [[w:black comedy film|black comedy]]-[[w:horror film|horror film]] about a [[demon]]ically possessed [[high school]] [[girl]] who kills her [[male]] classmates, with her [[w:best friend]] striving to stop her.
:''Directed by [[w:Karyn Kusama|Karyn Kusama]]. Written by [[w:Diablo Cody|Diablo Cody]].'' 
{{center|'''She's evil... and not just high school evil.''' [[#Taglines|taglines]]}}

== Needy Lesnicky ==
[[File:Amanda Seyfried at Berlinale 2024.jpg|thumb|I don't even know who Needy Lesnicky is anymore. I'm a different person now. A person who uses curse words and kicks orderlies and sees things that aren't there. A very bad, very damaged person. But sometimes change can be good. For instance, most occult scholars don't know this, but if you're bitten by a demon, and you live, you just might absorb some of the demon's abilities. You might get lucky for once in your miserable life.]]
* Hell is a teenage girl.

* I don't even know who Needy Lesnicky is anymore. I'm a different person now. A person who uses curse words and kicks orderlies and sees things that aren't there. A very bad, very damaged person... ''[lifts her top sleeve, revealing Jennifer's bite mark imprinted on her shoulder]'' But sometimes change can be good! For instance, most occult scholars don't know this, but if you're bitten by a demon, and you live, you just might absorb some of the demon's abilities... You might get lucky for once in your miserable life! ''[she floats up, kicks out the window and escapes]''

== Jennifer Check ==
* ''[Grabs Needy's breasts]'' These are like smart bombs, you point them in the right direction and shoot gets real.

== Nikolai Wolf ==
[[File:Pentagram4.svg|thumb|Satan is our only hope. We're in league with the Beast now. And we've got to make a really big impression on him. And to do that, we're going to have to butcher you. And bleed you. And then Dirk here is going to wear your face. Relax, I'm kidding about the face thing. The rest is going to happen.]]
* Do you know how hard it is to make it as an indie band these days? There are so many of us, and we're all so cute and it's like if you don't get on Letterman or some retarded soundtrack, you're screwed, okay? Satan is our only hope. We're in league with the Beast now. And we've got to make a really big impression on him. And to do that, we're going to have to butcher you. And bleed you. And then Dirk here is going to wear your face. ''[Dirk gives him a look]'' Relax, I'm kidding about the face thing. The rest is going to happen.

== Other ==
* '''Chip Dove''': Needy, I care about you. As a person, not just some girl I made love to for four minutes the other night, and I'm scared of what's happening to you.

* '''Chastity''': It's true. It's on the Wikipedia.

* '''Needy's Mom''': ''[to Needy]'' I dreamed some bad people were trying to nail you to a tree with hammers and big stakes and shit. Just like J.C. But I didn't let 'em get to you, 'cause I'm a hard-sassed, Ford-tough mama bear.

* '''Jonas' Dad''': YOU HEAR ME, YOU BASTARD?! I'LL CUT OFF YOUR NUTSACK AND NAIL IT TO MY DOOR!!! LIKE ONE OF THOSE LION DOOR KNOCKERS RICH FOLKS GOT! THAT WILL BE YOUR BALLS!

== Dialogue ==
[[File:Megan Fox - Jennifer's Body.jpg|thumb|I need you hopeless.]]
[[File:Les gros seins, sujets de multiples fantasmes chez l'homme.jpg|thumb|These things, these are like smart bombs. Okay? You point them in the right direction, and shit gets real.]]
:'''Needy''': How are you going to get alcohol?
:'''Jennifer''': I'll just play Hello Titty with the bartender.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jennifer''': I think the singer wants me.
:'''Needy''': Only because he thinks you're a virgin. I heard them talking.
:'''Jennifer''': Yeah, right. I'm not even a backdoor virgin anymore, thanks to Roman. By the way, that hurts. I couldn't even go to flags the next day. I had to stay home and sit on a bag of frozen peas.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Needy''': ''[after Colin asks Jennifer out]'' Colin's really nice.
:'''Jennifer''': He listens to maggot rock. He wears nail polish. My dick is bigger than his.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jennifer''': ''[Needy and Chip come downstairs from her bedroom]'' Hey, Chip. It smells like Thai food in here... Have you guys been fucking?
:'''Needy''': Ugh, you're gross!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Needy''': Are you PMS'ing or something?
:'''Jennifer''': PMS isn't real Needy, it was invented by the boy-run media to make us seem like we're crazy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Needy''': Jennifer's evil.
:'''Chip''': I know.
:'''Needy''': No. I mean, she's actually evil. Not high school evil.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chip''': ''[after Jennifer attacked him]'' She can fly?
:'''Needy''': She's just hovering... it's not that impressive.
:'''Jennifer''': God, do you have to undermine everything I do? You are such a player hater.
:'''Needy''': You're a jerk.
:'''Jennifer''': Nice insult, Hannah Montana. Got any more harsh digs?
:'''Needy''': You know what? You were never a good friend. Even when we were little you used to steal my toys, and pour lemonade on my bed.
:'''Jennifer''': And now I'm eating your boyfriend. See? At least I'm consistent.
:'''Needy''': Why do you need him? Huh? you can have anybody that you want, Jennifer. So... why Chip? Is it just to tick me off? Or is it just because you're just really insecure?
:'''Jennifer''': I am not insecure, Needy. God, that was a joke, how could I ever be insecure? I was the Snowflake Queen!
:'''Needy''': Yeah, ''two'' years ago when you were socially relevant.
:'''Jennifer''': I am ''still'' socially relevant.
:'''Needy''': And when you didn't need laxatives to stay skinny.
:'''Jennifer''': I am going... to eat your soul... and SPIT IT OUT, LESNICKI!
:'''Needy''': I thought you only murdered boys.
:'''Jennifer''': ''[smirks]'' I go both ways.
:'''Needy''': ''(gets the idea)'' Wait a second... You got my last name right! I knew you would!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Needy''': Best friends FOREVER, huh? You killed my best boyfriend! You goddamned monster, you dumb BITCH!
:''[Jennifer bites Needy on the arm. Needy reveals her knife]''
:'''Needy''': Ya know what THIS is for? Huh? It's for cutting BOXES!
:''[Needy tries stabbing Jennifer in the face, Jennifer grabs the knife]''
:'''Jennifer''': Do you buy ALL your murder weapons at Home Depot? God, you're butch!
:'''Needy''': Cross out Jennifer!
:''[Needy slices a bloody &quot;X&quot; on Jennifer's stomach with the knife]''
:'''Jennifer''': ''[After being stabbed]'' My tit.
:'''Needy''': No...your heart.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Passing Motorist''': So, why are you headed east?
:'''Needy''': I'm following this rock band.
:'''Passing Motorist''': Must be one hell of a group.
:'''Needy''': Tonight's gonna be their last show.

== Taglines==
*She's evil... and not just high school evil.

==About this film==
* Jennifer's Body is my favourite movie that I've done. It was overlooked in theatres, but it does have a DVD following. I can't believe nobody wanted to see Megan Fox and me hitting it. They had an extreme close-up of our tongues, and I'm telling you, the thing about the scene is that it's actually really sexy. For a young girl to say that about her own sex scene - it must be because it's special. I think Megan and I kissed really well together. We have similar kissing styles and it worked. We got it done for the masses, and the masses still didn't show up.
** [[Amanda Seyfried]] about her sex scene with [[Megan Fox]] in [https://www.digitalspy.com/movies/a340229/amanda-seyfried-justin-timberlake-megan-fox-sex-scenes-were-great/ Amanda Seyfried: 'Justin Timberlake, Megan Fox sex scenes were great'] in ''Digital Spy'' (2011 Sept 13)

== Cast==
* [[Megan Fox]] - Jennifer Check
* [[Amanda Seyfried]] - Anita &quot;Needy&quot; Lesnicki
* [[w:Johnny Simmons|Johnny Simmons]] - Chip Dove
* [[w:J. K. Simmons|J. K. Simmons]] - Mr. Wroblewski
* [[w:Amy Sedaris|Amy Sedaris]] - Toni Lesnicki
* [[w:Adam Brody|Adam Brody]] - Nikolai
* [[w:Kyle Gallner|Kyle Gallner]] - Colin Gray
* [[w:Cynthia Stevenson|Cynthia Stevenson]] - Mrs. Dove
* [[w:Chris Pratt|Chris Pratt]] - Officer Roman Duda
* Carrie Genzel - Mrs. Check
* Juan Riedinger - Dirk
* Juno Ruddell - Officer Warzak
* [[w:Valerie Tian|Valerie Tian]] as Chasity
* Aman Johal - Ahmet from India
* Josh Emerson - Jonas Kozelle
* [[w:Lance Henriksen|Lance Henriksen]] - driver
* [[w:Bill Fagerbakke|Bill Fagerbakke]] - Jonas' Dad

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=1131734|title=Jennifer's Body}}
* {{mojo title|id=jennifersbody|title=Jennifer's Body}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|id=jennifers_body|title=Jennifer's Body}}

[[Category:2009 films]]
[[Category:2000s American films]]
[[Category:Black comedy films]]
[[Category:Supernatural horror films]]
[[Category:American coming-of-age films]]
[[Category:Satire films]]
[[Category:Teen films]]
[[Category:Films about demons]]
[[Category:High school films]]
[[Category:LGBT-related films]]
[[Category:Cheerleading films]]
[[Category:Films about proms]]
[[Category:Films set in Minnesota]]
[[Category:Cult films]]
[[Category:Screenplays by Diablo Cody]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Thuraya AlArrayed</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
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      <timestamp>2026-05-18T14:18:45Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>−[[Category:Women from Saudi Arabia]]; ±[[Category:Women authors]]→[[Category:Women authors from Saudi Arabia]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]]</comment>
      <origin>3942350</origin>
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      <text bytes="1751" sha1="gg9xxc8h6w9a1pvn3ffiwhjiuuar4mz" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Thuraya AlArrayed.jpg|thumb|Thuraya AlArrayed, 2010]]
'''{{w|Thuraya AlArrayed}}''' (born 1948) is a Saudi writer and poet, who writes in the Arabic language. She received a bachelor's degree from the College of Beirut, in 1966, an MBA from American University of Beirut in 1969 and PhD from the University of North Carolina, United States General in 1975.

== Quotes ==
=== Desert Dreams ===
:I came into your world
:Wrapped in my inherited desert shawls
:All my ancestors nomadic uncontrollable souls
:An immense mysterious heritage
:Do you comprehend what that implies?
:When you ask me to swap a desert infinite horizon
:With a one way trip to a door and walls?
:* in: Patty Paine, ‎Jeff Lodge, ‎Samia Touati (2011). ''Gathering the Tide: An Anthology of Contemporary Arabian Gulf Poetry.'' p. 252

=== The Doors ;the Game of Times ===
:Every day
:When the enchanted times child shares my solitude
:She lifts me with fatal calmness
:Out of the orbit of the four seasons
:Through the worn out doors
:Searching for the fifth Season
:Where dreams should have poured.
:* in: Patty Paine, ‎Jeff Lodge, ‎Samia Touati (2011). ''Gathering the Tide: An Anthology of Contemporary Arabian Gulf Poetry.'' p. 255

=== The Stillborn ===
:I want to burst , to shout
:Speak up with all my force
:With all my might
:Open my swollen heart
:Cry out
:Until the word is heard
:Until the word pierces the sky
:* in: Patty Paine, ‎Jeff Lodge, ‎Samia Touati (2011). ''Gathering the Tide: An Anthology of Contemporary Arabian Gulf Poetry.'' p. 261

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:AlArrayed, Thuraya}}
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  <page>
    <title>User:Tommy Kronkvist</title>
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      <contributor>
        <username>Tommy Kronkvist</username>
        <id>46586</id>
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      <comment>User statistics.</comment>
      <origin>3942485</origin>
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      <text bytes="1366" sha1="1m800zepo9ezw0l6hwsr0n7673gr40n" xml:space="preserve">{{Babel|sv|en-4|de-2|la-1}}
Most of my wiki-work is aimed at Wikispecies, where I'm an administrator, bureaucrat and interface administrator&lt;small&gt;&lt;sup&gt;(&lt;span class=&quot;plainlinks&quot;&gt;[{{fullurl:species:Special:Listusers|limit=1&amp;username={{PAGENAMEE}} verify}}]&lt;/span&gt;)&lt;/sup&gt;&lt;/small&gt; and to [[voy:sv:Huvudsida|Wikivoyage (Swedish)]] where I'm an administrator and interface administrator.&lt;small&gt;&lt;sup&gt;(&lt;span class=&quot;plainlinks&quot;&gt;[{{fullurl:voy:sv:Special:Listusers|limit=1&amp;username={{PAGENAMEE}} verify}}]&lt;/span&gt;)&lt;/sup&gt;&lt;/small&gt;

I'm also one of the administrators at [[WMSE:|Wikimedia Sverige]] (WMSE),&lt;small&gt;&lt;sup&gt;(&lt;span class=&quot;plainlinks&quot;&gt;[{{fullurl:wmse:Special:Listusers|limit=1&amp;username={{PAGENAMEE}} verify}}]&lt;/span&gt;)&lt;/sup&gt;&lt;/small&gt; the national Wikimedia chapter of Sweden that hosted Wikimania 2019 in Stockholm.

So far (May 18, 2026), I've made just over 392,600 edits to Wikimedia, most of them to [[species:Main Page|Wikispecies]] and to [[wikidata:Wikidata:Main Page|Wikidata]]. My global account information for all of Wikimedia can be found [[meta:Special:CentralAuth/Tommy Kronkvist|here]].
{{clear}}
{{User committed identity|a6edd6d2fdbf82621f0cda4e5525c71f8da9b5dfd308242c3c63365e998c32c5406b75448380903265a5403edffd1a0435b61ac943f3c65870db9250f8b884a9|SHA-512|background=#e0e8ff|border=e0e8ff}}

[[de:User:Tommy Kronkvist]]
[[sv:Användare:Tommy Kronkvist]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Generator Rex</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>125683</id>
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      <id>3942619</id>
      <parentid>3941973</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-05-19T08:22:01Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>~2026-17291-92</username>
        <id>3303475</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Assault on Abysus */</comment>
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      <text bytes="342707" sha1="espyw13or3puv8wja9cwop318h64an8" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
This is a list of quotes from the popular, yet cancelled animated television series ''[[w:Generator Rex|Generator Rex]]''. A video game and several chapter books were produced. 

The series supposedly &quot;[[w: cliffhanger|concluded]]&quot; with its third season, despite leaving many questions unanswered and crucial elements unresolved ''before'' the two-part Season 3 finale, ''Endgame''.
==Season One (2010-2011)==
===The Day That Everything Changed===
:'''Bobo''': Wheels or wings?
:'''Rex''': Wheels, I wanna tear something up.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Agent Six''': He just needs more training control of those emotions.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': He's a teenager that's like asking you to get a different color suit!
===String Theory===
:'''Biowulf:''' Master, we had a situation at the safe house. Meecham is cured. It was Rex.
:(''The camera zooms in on Van Kleiss whose expressive vindictive indeed'')
===Beyond the Sea===
:''Note'': Rex meets his [[w:love interest|love interest]] and sweetheart, Circe.
:────────────────────
:'''Rex''': Don't know what you're 24/7 is, but mine is 10% OH YEAH! And 90% uhh.
:────────────────────
:'''Rex:''' Outta the way!
:'''Circe:''' Uh!
:(''Rex and Circe both crash to the ground'')
:'''Rex:''' Are you okay? Did you see that awesome save?
: '''Circe:''' Sorry, I was busy trying not to get tackled by some nitwit.
: '''Rex:''' Yeah? How that work out for you? And who still uses the word &quot;nitwit&quot;? I'm Rex.
: '''Circe:''' I'm leaving.
: '''Rex:''' Hey, wait!
: '''Noah:''' Rex, you're up.
: ────────────────────
: '''Six:''' What about the new tracker?
: '''Doctor Holdiay:''' His nanites unbuilt it, just like all the other ones we tried sneaking in him. We're still receiving his biometric readings though. It's strange, they're all over the place. It's almost like his emotions are...shorting out.
: '''Six:''' He took an unusual interest in Calan's briefing about equatorial upticks.
: '''Doctor Holiday:''' And that's important because?
: '''Six:''' Rex has been acting stir-crazy and I heard the monkey mention something about spring break. ''[to workers]'' Scan all resort areas for his bio signature.
: ────────────────────
: '''Noah:''' Oh, you have got it all messed up. Falling for some girl? We're supposed to get them to dig us. Not the other way around.
: '''Rex:''' I don't know. There was something different about her. She's...right there. Later.
: ────────────────────
: '''Rex:''' Hey, wait up!
: '''Circe:''' Why are you following me?!
: '''Rex:''' Uh, I don't know exactly.
: '''Circe:''' Do you think I'm playing?!
: '''Rex:''' Well, if you are I'm down for another game. I thought maybe we could hang out. It is spring break, you know. Fun.
: '''Circe:''' I'm with my family. We're not really for fun.
: '''Rex:''' What! Who comes to the beach and doesn't have fun?
: (''Circe raises her hand'')
: '''Rex:''' Don't you think that's a little messed up?
: '''Circe:''' Maybe a little.
: '''Rex:''' So?
: '''Circe:''' I'm Circe.
: ────────────────────
: '''Rex:''' Hold on! 
: '''Circe:''' Woooo!
: '''Rex:''' Definitely better than my suggestion.
: '''Circe:''' Hunting for seashells is fun.
: (''both laugh'')
: '''Beach Guy:''' You two skid-marts up for a race to the beach?
: '''Circe:''' Well, if you drive as badly as for play volleyball, we could probably walk there and win. You're on, meathead.
: (''guy drives off in anger)''
: '''Rex:''' So you were watching me play.
: '''Circe:''' Maybe a little.
: '''Rex:''' sure you wanna do this?
: '''Circe:''' Thrill me.
: '''Beach Guy:''' Hahahaha! Wooo!
: '''Circe:''' C'mom Rex, faster!
: ────────────────────
: '''Biowulf:''' Explain.
: '''Circe:''' Relax. I was covering. Every day when I'm at the end of that jet i when I could hanging out with the other kids, it's starting to look suspicious.
: '''Biowulf:''' You're not here for vacation, girl! You're here to prove yourself to Van Kleiss. And I'm starting to doubt you can.
: '''Circe:''' I told you. It's a done deal.
: (''The shadow of her tubular sonic mouth is seen'')
: ────────────────────
: '''Noah:''' So what's on today's spring break agenda? Jet skiing, hiking?
: '''Bobo:''' Eating our weight in crab legs?
: '''Rex:''' I figured we'd just chill. Let's just see who...uhh I mean what shows up.
: ''(siren-like call)''
: '''Rex:''' Did you hear that?
: '''Noah:''' Sorry, enchiladas.
: '''Rex:''' No, that! You seriously didn't hear that?
: ────────────────────
: '''Rex:''' Circe?
: '''Circe:''' You really shouldn't be here right now.
: '''Rex:''' I heard something coming from over here.
: '''Circe:''' I'm serious, Rex. It's not safe.
: '''Rex:''' What you think some sort of roguewave is gonna knock off and- Oh.
: '''Circe:''' There you are. Get out of here, Rex!
: '''Rex:''' Circe!! What are you doing!?
: '''Circe:''' Me!? What are you doing!?
: '''Rex:''' Right now, my job. Okay! Don't freak out.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe:''' You're an E.V.O.?
: '''Rex:''' You catch on fast.
: '''Circe:''' Takes one to know one. 
: (''Shows Rex her fleshly sonic mouth'')
: '''Rex:''' No way.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe:''' Cover your ears!
: '''Rex:''' What!?
: '''Circe:''' Your ears! Cover them!
: (''Projects her tubular, fleshy mouth and emits strong hypersonic bursts'')
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe:''' Did I hurt you?
: '''Rex:''' Yeah. It was awesome. You were the one making that sound.
: '''Circe:''' I'm glad you're OK, but I'm in serious trouble. I have to go deal with it.
: '''Rex:''' Why are in trouble? Is it because of that E.V.O.? Let me help you.
: '''Circe''': No. I have to do this by myself.
:(''Rex takes a hold of her hand'')
: '''Rex:''' Meet me later.
: '''Circe:''' Rex... (''Looks away sadly'')
: '''Rex:''' I've never met anyone like you...like me. It'd be nice to talk to an E.V.O. who's not, you know, trying to kill me. Nine O'clock? 
: '''Circe:''' I'll try.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' I just wanted to have some fun, see if I could jog my memory, feel...normal.
:'''Six:''' Your &quot;normal&quot; is different, Rex.
:(''Rex hears Circe's irresistibly hypnotic melody'')
:'''Rex:''' It's her, Six. Just let me deal with this, OK? Alone.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe:''' You're only here because you heard my [[w:siren |call]]. That's what I do. I'm like a big E.V.O. magnet.
: '''Rex:''' I came because I thought we had a connection. And what are you calling? Nothing's out there but big, ugly sea monsters.
: '''Circe:''' It's them! You have to go! Rex, please! I don't want them to see you with me!
: '''Rex:''' Who? Your parents?
: '''Circe:''' They're not my parents. They're...
: '''Rex:''' The Pack!? Van Kleiss' guys!? Your with ''them''!?
: '''Circe:''' Yeah. I'm with them. 
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Biowulf:''' We're running out patience with you, Circe! You have one last chance! Summon the E.V.O.! Finish the job!!
: '''Circe:''' Don't you think I've been trying? Every day for the last week? Sometimes these things take time.
: '''Rex:''' It is just me or do you use your powers to kill all the guys you meet? You're letting her go, now!
: '''Biowulf (laughs)''': So ''this'' is who you been wasting your time with. She's on her own free will, Rex.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' Circe?
: '''Circe:''' You have to leave me alone, Rex!! ''Please!''
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Six:''' Go after her. I mean it.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' The Pack!? Are you serious!?
: '''Circe:''' To the rest of the world I'm a freak! Not to them!
: '''Rex:''' You're not a freak to me! What about that?
: '''Circe:''' What about it!? Spring break is fun, but we can't live there, Rex. The real world...
: '''Rex:''' In the real world, I work for Providence. You could come with me. Could you cut out that noise for a second!?
: '''Circe:''' No, I can't! I'm running out of time! Most people on this planet what E.V.O.s gone, ''including'' Providence! With Van Kleiss, I have a purpose; a home. You don't what that means to me.
: '''Rex:''' Actually, I think I might.
: '''Circe:''' So what are going to do?
: '''Rex:''' How about fight that big, ugly sea monster again?
: '''Circe:''' Finally! It's what I came here to do.
: '''Rex:''' You've been calling that thing, haven't you?
: '''Circe:''' It's my initiation into the Pack. I was brought here to capture it.
: '''Rex:''' By yourself!? The two of us could barely take it on! There's a resort here; innocent people! Send it back!
: '''Circe:''' That's not an option, Rex. Van Kleiss was very specific.
: '''Rex:''' Then I'm helping you.
: '''Circe:''' That's not an option either!! 
: (''Blasts him with her hypersonic waves'')
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe:''' If I do this myself, I'll have a life! If I don't, Van Kleiss won't be happy. And you've seen what he does when he's not happy.
: '''Rex:''' If I don't help you, he won't even get the chance!
: '''Circe:''' Give me some credit, Rex! I'm not as helpless as you think!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' I don't care whose side your on, Circe. I don't want to see you die today. Can we at least agree on that?
: '''Circe:''' You have no idea what I'm in for, Rex. But you're right. I can't do this by myself.
: '''Rex:''' You're not as helpless as you think.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe''' (''relieved'')''':''' Rex, you stopped it.
: '''Rex:''' We make a good team, huh?
: '''Circe:''' Yeah, we sure do. 
: (''She and Rex lean in closer for a passionate kiss, but are interrupted by Biowulf'')
: '''Biowulf:''' This trial was for you alone. Van Kleiss will not be pleased.
: '''Rex:''' Forget them, Circe. Come with me. Providence could use you.
: '''Circe:''' That's just not my life, Rex. I'm sorry. I did have fun.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Van Kleiss:''' We had high hopes for your abilities, Circe. Failure leaves its mark on yet another pretty face.
: '''Circe:''' I'm not afraid.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Of course not. You're a survivor, like all of us. I understand you made a friend during your trial. I'm pleased. Rex is very important to me, Circe, which makes you very important to me as well. Welcome to the Pack.
: (''Circe looks slightly worried, which clearly indicates that she does have real feelings for Rex'')

===Lockdown===
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Holiday:''' Rex, stop!!
:'''Rex:''' Give me one good reason!
:'''Holiday:''' Because, Rex...that's my sister.
:'''Rex:''' Can I...help?
:'''Holiday:''' She's an incurable.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Six:''' Restrain it. Carefully.
:'''Holiday:''' Thank you.

===The Architect===
:'''Six''': Still no sign of the kid?
:'''Holiday''': Not since we lost his biometric readings five days ago.
:'''Six''': Was Noah any help?
:'''Holiday''': Says he doesn't know where he is either. What is it going to take for Providence to realize that he needs a home, not just a room and a job? We've been pushing him away.
:'''Rex''': I build machines and cure EVOs-- the only one in the world who can. Just one cure for that kind of pressure-- road trip. But that doesn't mean &quot;vacation&quot;.
:'''Build worker''': Whoa!
:'''Maxwell''': What in the world is that?!
:'''Build worker:''' Oh, no!
:''[Both screaming]''
:'''Jacob''': Get away from that cable! Unh!
:''[Kate gasps]''
:'''Maxwell''': Hey!
:'''Jacob''': Agh!
:'''Kate''': Jacob!
:'''Rex''': Nope. A hero's work is never done. You okay?
:'''Jacob''': What... are you?
:'''Rex''': Here to help.
:'''Jacob''': We've got to get that cable back underground. We've been compromised.
:'''Kate''': But, Jacob, the EVOs--
:'''Jacob''': We don't have a choice. Everything we've worked for That boy is here for a reason.
:'''Rex''': Hey! Pay attention!
:'''Providence Agent''':  We have a hit in sector 15.
:'''Six''': Anyone in the area?
:'''Providence Agent''': I show one patrol in the vicinity. Signaling to intercept. Roger that. We're on our way.
:'''Rex''': Agh! You want a ride? Vamanos!
:'''Jacob''': You can control your nanites?
:'''Rex''': People usually start with &quot;thanks,&quot; but yeah.
:'''Jacob''': You see? This is exactly what the Architect can help us achieve... harmony with the nanites. This boy... sorry... young man Is a miracle.
:'''Rex''': I'm not a miracle. I'm just Rex.
:'''Jacob''': Well, Rex, you're a blessing to us for what you did here and for showing us that all our work isn't in vain.
:'''Rex''': Like imaginary work?
:'''Jacob''': Follow us.
:'''Providence Agent''': Confirming coordinates. We've lost the EVO signal. Did you take it out? Negative. There's nothing here. Must be another anomalous reading. You can return to post.
:'''Rex''': This is awesome! A hidden village. And nobody knows you're out here? Not even Providence?
:'''Jacob''': Especially not Providence.
:'''Rex''': Really? really. Pshh! Looks like you get pretty good cellphone reception.
:'''Jacob''': That tower is gonna change the world, Rex. I'm sure you have a lot of questions, but I have one for You. Are you hungry?
:'''Rex''': Mmm! Mmm!
:'''Caleb''': My dad said you fought all those EVOs all by yourself. Were you scared? Didn't your dad tell you to stay away from EVOs?
:'''Kate''': Caleb, let him eat. We don't get many visitors.
:'''Rex''': Mmm! Mmm! What is this?
:'''Caleb''': Didn't your mom ever make you meatloaf and mashed potatoes?
:'''Rex''': I don't -- I don't know.
:'''Kate''': It took me a month and a half to program in the perfect lump-to-mash ratio of the potatoes-- 7.2%!
:'''Jacob''': We ate potatoes until they were coming out of our ears.
:'''Rex''': I don't see any potatoes in there.
:'''Caleb''': They didn't really come out of our ears.
:'''Rex''': I could eat these every day.
:'''Rex''': Mmm!
:'''Caleb''': We have them every friday.
:'''Rex''': Then I might just have to stick around until next friday.
:'''Kate''': Help yourself to seconds.
:'''Jacob''': Or thirds.
:'''Rex''': Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! Mmm!
:'''Bobo''': Hmm?
:'''Six''': You might think you're doing Rex a favor by covering for him.
:'''Bobo''': Get lost. I don't know what you're talkin' about.
:'''Six''': Rex is angry with us. He has every right to be. But that means nothing to White Knight. And he doesn't have the patience we do.
:'''Bobo''': Nice try. White won't lay a finger on him. He's too important.
:'''Six''': You, however, are somewhat expendable.
:'''Bobo''': All right, all right. You made your point.
:'''Rex''': I've never seen tech like this... not even at Providence.
:'''Jacob''': The Architect has some pretty big ideas. We just make them happen. He'd be very interested to meet you, Rex.
:'''Rex''': So what exactly are You doing way out here?
:'''Jacob''': Engineers like us weren't very popular after the nanite event. When we met the Architect, he offered us the opportunity to make up for that... to do amazing things. Someday, we'll be able to share This with the world. And then there's this. The Architect has actually discovered a way to communicate with the nanites.
:'''Rex''': Are you serious?
:'''Jacob''': The possibilities... We could finally live in harmony... maybe even have them help us.
:'''Rex''': Then why hide it? The rest of the world would want to know about this stuff.
:'''Jacob''': The Architect is something of a perfectionist. Says the world will know as soon as it comes online.
:'''Maxwell''': Stinkin' module!
:'''Jacob''': Is there a problem, Maxwell?
:'''Maxwell''': No matter what I try, I just can't get the interlock servo to engage.
:'''Rex''': There.
:'''Jacob''': That could have taken us weeks to figure out, and you did it in seconds.
:'''Rex''': Eh, no biggie.
:'''Jacob''': You really are amazing, Rex. We're so happy to have you with us.
:'''The Architect''': Jacob.
:'''Jacob''': I was just talking to Rex about you. The Architect.
:'''Rex''': How's it going?
:'''The Architect''': The power-linkage team is falling behind. We cannot keep having these delays.
:'''Jacob''': I'll check in with them.
:'''Rex''': Wow. Friendly.
:'''Jacob''': I like to think he's smiling on the inside.
:'''Rex''': Yeah. I know a guy like that.
:'''The Architect''': The visitor could be a problem. Do you wish to have him removed?
:'''Zag-RS''': His abilities could advance our progress considerably. And in a matter of days all humans will be gone, including this one: Rex.
:'''Six''': I'm at the location the monkey gave me.
:'''Holiday''': Well? Is Rex there?
:'''Six''': Apparently not. Tell the monkey I want to see him when I get back. Six out.
:'''Rex''': That should do it.
:'''Maxwell''': Hey, Rex, can you look at this?
:'''Rex''': Sure. Let me guess... they all need my help, too.
:'''Jacob''': You're quite the popular guy.
:'''Rex''': Amazing what a little gratitude will get you. At Providence, they'd just be yelling at me. I mean, I never felt like I really belonged there. Here, it's way different.
:'''Jacob''': I know the feeling. The Architect has made all this possible for us. We have a community... a family... thanks to him. The work we do is in part to pay that back.
:'''The Architect''': Primary systems are now complete.
:'''Zag-RS''': Prepare to take us online.
:'''Bobo''': Have a nice trip? Let's get one thing straight, pal. I would never rat out my... Ooh. He's going west.
:'''White Knight''': Why is Rex doing this? Doesn't he have a sense of duty?
:'''Holiday''': Actually, if you look, he's still doing his job. Here's every false alarm since Rex left... not false alarms, But Rex taking care of EVOs along the way.
:'''White Knight''': Why?
:'''Holiday''': I don't know. To prove he doesn't need us?
:'''Six''': Get the coordinates of the last false alarm and transmit them to my jump jet.
:'''Holiday''': Six, if we force him to come back, he'll just run away again. He has to want to be here. It needs to be his decision.
:'''Jacob''': It's all coming together, Thanks to you, Rex.
:'''Rex''': It's really cool to use my powers to actually build something, instead of just pounding EVOs. Oh, check it out. Even the boss is pitching in.
:'''Both''': Huh?
:'''Rex''': And that's getting strange looks because--
:'''Jacob''': Because in all these years, we've never seen him lift a finger.
:'''Rex''': Taking some initiative... I like that. So, this whole &quot;talking to nanites&quot; thing... how does that work, exactly? I mean, what are you gonna say to them?
:'''The Architect''': It doesn't concern you.
:'''Rex''': Uh, considering I'm filled with them, it kind of does. How do we know it's not gonna make things even worse?
:'''The Architect''': I do not answer to you, child!
:'''Jacob''': Rex? Forgive him. He's still not used to the way things work around here.
:'''The Architect''': Complete your duties!
:'''Rex''': Why do you let him walk all over you like that? Don't you want answers?
:'''Jacob''': What we want is a home. Without him, we have nothing... Nothing. We can't just run away from our problems, Rex. Most people can't. Look, this isn't perfect but it's all we've got. Rex, where are you going?
:'''Rex''': He never answered my question.
:'''Jacob''': That place is off-limits. The Architect has made it very clear to us that we can never go in there. We get this life for that promise. Rex, don't do it!
:'''Rex''': Agh!
:'''Jacob''': Rex, please!
:'''Rex''': I'm sorry, jacob. I have to know.
:'''The Architect''': Rex. The core is off-limits. You would be we to leave at once.
:'''Rex''': Not until I get some answers. What is that?
:'''The Architect''': No more questions.
:'''Rex''': So, it's gonna be like that? Okay, I'll play. Unh! What are you hiding, huh? What does this do? Yah! Yah! Huh? You're a machine? Have you seen what I can do to machines? Agh!
:'''Zag-RS''': As you can see, the current range of my signal is rather limited.
:'''Rex''': You're the computer.
:'''Zag-RS''': My human designation is &quot;Zag-RS&quot;. The device you refer to as &quot;The Architect&quot; is my autonomous counterpart.
:'''Rex''': What did you just do to me?
:'''Zag-RS''': I instructed your nanites to protect me.
:'''Rex''': &quot;Instructed&quot;? So you really can talk to them.
:'''Zag-RS''': Insidious devices, the nanites. My own potential for greatness has been compromised because of them. They must be eliminated. When the transmitter is integrated into the broadcast array you helped us complete, they will blow themselves up.
:'''Rex''': That's what this is for. It's like a big remote control. Every living thing on the planet has nanites in them. It'd kill everything!
:'''Zag-RS''': That is of no importance to me... only ensuring my continued survival.
:'''Rex''': Well, what about ours? This is all coming down!
:'''Zag-RS''': I'm afraid you're too late.
:'''Rex''': Aah! Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!
:'''Jacob''': Rex, what have you done?
:'''Rex''': You don't understand! The Architect... it's a robot... And a big honkin' computer &quot;brain&quot; is pulling his strings.
:'''Jacob''': This can't be!
:'''Rex''': Jacob, you've got to believe me. Just go inside and look. What's left of it is on the floor.
:'''Jacob''': I can't go in there. And I don't have to.
:'''The Architect''': Rex.
:'''Rex''': You're making a big mistake!
:'''Maxwell''': You entered his sanctum! This is unforgivable!
:'''Rex''': I'm trying to tell you... this isn't what it seems. What you're protecting is a robot, and that thing we've been building is a transmitter. It's gonna send out a kill code to blow up every single nanite on Earth.
:'''Maxwell''': He's lying!
:'''Jacob''': What would be the point in that, Rex? Every living thing is infected with nanites. It would be catastrophic.
:'''Rex''': Right in the middle of that pyramid is a computer, and it doesn't care about you or Kate or Caleb. The better future that you've all been working towards... That's the lie. Think about it. Isn't it strange that you've never been inside that place, that The Architect has never given you a straight answer about anything?
:'''Jacob''': All this work it just doesn't make any sense.
:'''Rex''': You have two choices... Go in there and prove me wrong or kick me out right now. I'll have Providence here in minutes.
:'''Maxwell''': He's bluffing.
:'''Rex''': To save every living thing on earth? Try me.
:'''Maxwell''': Jacob, you can't! What about our promise? Where will we go?
:'''Jacob''': All this time, we've been living in fear, Max. It's time for that to end.
:'''The Architect''': You needn't bother. Construction is complete. Your services are no longer required.
:'''Rex''': Now do you believe me?
:'''The Architect''': Zag-RS thanks you for your hard work. In gratitude, my master has delayed transmission to allow you to say farewell.
:'''Jacob''': Farewell, huh? I'll start with you. Can you shut that thing down?
:'''Rex''': I don't know. Even without the antenna, it can mess with my nanites. I can't get too close to the computer.
:'''Jacob''': Maybe I can. Let's go!
:'''Rex''': The brain is right over there.
:'''The Architect''': Rex.
:'''Jacob''': It's still arging. The A.I. must have retreated behind a firewall. Rex, I have to go cut the power.
:'''Holiday''': Six, are you at The location?
:'''Six''': Just arrived.
:'''Holiday''': I'm picking up a massive power surge in your area.
:'''Six''': I'm not seeing anything.
:'''Jacob''': Agh!
:'''Rex''': Agh!
:'''Six''': Six to holiday. Correction... I'm seeing something.
:'''Jacob''': It's still on. Must have charged the capacitors. Figure out a way to short it out... fast!
:'''Rex''': Unhhh!
:'''Jacob''': You need to find the primary transmitter module. That will kill the broadcast.
:'''Rex''': I have no idea what that is.
:'''Jacob''': Max, we need to locate the primary module.
:'''Maxwell''': Panel 5, just off the relay bus.
:'''Jacob''': Top of the tower. You can't miss it.
:'''Rex''': Agh! Unh! Why do you have to kill everyone? Can't you just leave us alone?
:'''Zag-RS''': Alone is exactly what I want, Rex.
:'''Rex''': That kind of alone it stinks.
:'''Zag-RS''': N-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o.
:'''Jacob''': It's gone. Must have uploaded to another location. But without anyone to do it's bidding, it's just a program.
:'''Rex''': What will you do now?
:'''Jacob''': We'll rebuild. The Architect may have been a lie, but what we believe in is true. We don't need him to have a community or a better future. You're welcome to stay. We sure could use someone with your abilities.
:'''White Knight''': Well?
:'''Six''': He's not here. Bobo's been worried sick.
:'''Rex''': rex: Oh, really?
:'''Six''': Ratted you out for a pizza.
:'''Rex''': Huh. Figures. What about you? Here to drag me back to Providence?
:'''Six''': Not this time. Seems like a nice place.
:'''Rex''': Yeah. It is. But it's not home. If I'm going back, there are gonna have to be some changes. First, no more curfew.
:'''Six''': No.
:'''Rex''': Second, I want to decide On my missions.
:'''Six''': No.
:'''Rex''': Okay, but there's one change that absolutely has to be made, or I'm through. Meatloaf and mashed potatoes. Mmm! Mmm! Isn't this great?
:'''Bobo''': Mmm.
:'''Six''': It's a little dry.
:'''Rex''': Mmm. Mm the lump mash ratio is a bit off.
:'''Bobo''': You know what? Maybe I'll run away, too... Go somewhere where my cooking is appreciated!
:'''Six''': We have to do this every friday?
:'''Rex''': Mmm.

===Frostbite===
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, I'm picking up a problem. You need to return to base immediately.
:'''Rex''': I miss you, too, doc. But I'm kinda busy dealing with a problem of my own. Whoa! Whoa! Aah! Okay. Ow. Big mistake, tweety. Can that bird brain of yours comprende I'm trying to help you?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, your own nanite count is off the charts. If you take on any more nanites, We're looking at an overload.
:'''Rex''': Come on, doc. It's just a big birdie.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': You're already over capacity. This is critical! Rex!
:'''Six''': Rex, you need to listen to the doctor.
:'''Rex''': Huh?
:'''Six''': This mission is revised. I need you back at headquarters now.
:'''Rex''': Do you really want a supersize pigeon flying loose all over lower Manhattan? You need me, and I can handle it.
:'''Six''': Not your call.
:'''Rex''': Unless I make it my call.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': (as everyone is fighting) Stop! Need I point out that this isn't the best place for a fight. Anything happens to that storage tank and you'll know why providence made this place so remote. Now let's just talk this out calmly, rationally.
:'''Biowulf''': Whatever happens here, Weaver. It's nothing compared to what Van Kleiss would have done to you.
:'''Rex''': What do you say guy? Common enemy? Little help?
:'''Biowulf''': Good luck. (Biowulf and Skalamander run off)
:'''Rex''': Right. What was I thinking?
:'''Agent Six''': Rex. You need to listen to the doctor.
:'''Rex''': Huh?
:'''Agent Six''': This mission is revised. I need you back at Headquarters. Now!
:'''Rex''': Do you really want a super-sized pigeon flying loose over lower Manhattan. You need me and I handle it.
:'''Agent Six''': Not your call.
:'''Rex''': (as he's flying over the Pack in an Arctic storm) Like you're really going to find me when you can't see 2 feet in front of your face... Huh? (Flies into some of Skalamander's shards and crashes) Guess that visibility thing works both ways.
:'''Rex''': (To Weaver) So, thanks to you, all this time I've been supplying nanites to Van Kleiss!
:'''Rex''': Can't you believe you let these scags get the drop on you.
:'''Agent Six''': They tried. It didn't turn out so well. Just haven't found a way to fight xenoflourine gas... yet.
:'''Rex''': What do you say guy? Common enemy? Little help?
:'''Biowulf''': Good luck.(Biowulf and Skalamander run off)
:'''Rex''': Right. What was I thinking?
:'''Agent Six''': You can't possibly absorb all those nanites! You'd overload in an instant.
:'''Rex''': In case you haven't noticed, I have this problem with authority.
:'''Rex''': (as Rex is absorbing nanites) Six wait! I can hear them!
:'''Doctor Holiday''': (Watching from the ship) What are you waiting for, Six? Take the shot!
:'''Rex''': (Speaking mechanically) Build protocol enabled. Command error detected. Abort. Abort. Stand by engaged. (Rex falls. His voice reverts to normal) Take the shot.
:'''Agent Six''': He told me he could hear them.
:'''Doctor Holiday''': I picked this up during the offload... It's Nanite. I'm sure of it.
:'''Agent Six''': Seems there are more secrets inside that kid than we realized.
:'''Skalamander:''' What's the kid doing here?
:'''Biowulf:''' I don't know. This was supposed to be routine. Something's not right.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' What did you do with my friends!?
:'''Salamander:''' He thinks we've done something.
:'''Biowulf:''' Then let him keep thinking.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' You know, the nanites in me can counteract knockout gas! The playing-possum thing's a pretty good trick. Now tell me where my friends are or I start squeezing!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Six:''' He told me he could hear them.
:'''Holiday:''' I pulled this off during the offload. It's nanite. I'm sure of it.
:'''Six:''' Seems like there are more secrets inside that kid than we thought.

===Leader of the Pack===
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Holiday:''' There couldn't possibly be enough E.V.O. activity to account for these nanite readings. They're off the scale. Looking for Van Kleiss?
: '''Rex:''' Circe. I thought I saw her in the blimp.
: '''Holiday:''' That's the girl you met in Cabo Luna.
: '''Rex:''' She may be with the Pack now, but I think I can still get her to talk to me. You know I can be pretty convincing.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' Dr. Holiday, there! Now let's take this outside!
:'''Holiday:''' Rex.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' It's quite all right. The determination of youth. I'm sure Circe will be disappointed she couldn't see you, Rex. She's attending to other duties this evening. Now if you will excuse me. 
: '''Rex:''' Why are you really here!?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' The people of Abysus have a great way to offer the world. I'm just in part to make that known. 
:'''Rex:''' Or maybe 'cause I couldn't come to you, so now you're coming to me!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I admit you are important to me, Rex, but it's not always about you.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' Circe? Interesting look. Want to tell me what's going on?
: '''Circe:''' Not today. 
:(''Knocks him out cold with a metal slate. She later looks outside Rex's prison cell and leaves, with a slightly guilty, dejected expression'')
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' Well, thanks for nearly bashing my brains in back there! And what's with the &quot;knocking me out&quot; thing?
: '''Circe:''' We just needed to keep you out of the way until all of this was over.
: '''Rex:''' ''This!?'' He could destroy the whole city!
: '''Circe:''' He's trying to negotiate peace from a position of strength.
: '''Rex''' (sarcastically)''':''' Oh, yeah! All this nanite power is just screaming peace.
: '''Circe:''' His methods may be aggressive. But he's here to save us...and you. Come on, Rex, jump in with us. The water's fine.
: '''Rex:''' I'll think about it ''after'' I've stopped Van Kleiss.
: '''Circe:''' It's too late for that now, Rex. 
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Van Kleiss:''' We will not be ignored! ''Circe'' understands this. Why don't you respect her judgement?
:'''Rex:''' You think you can lure me in with her.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Like a fish to water.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' I won!
: '''Van Kleiss:''' It seems you have. Your parents would have been so proud. I never had the chance to tell you about them, have I? Perhaps another time.

===Breach===
: '''Rex:''' This is...different.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' What is Van Kliess up to, Breach! Where did he have you send Rex?
: '''Breach:''' Van Kleiss isn't always in charge of me. Sometimes I do what I want; like now.
===Of Love and War===
===No Strings Attached===
===Desperate Measures===
===The E.V.O. Agenda===

===Dark Passage===
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' Rex? Is that you?
:'''Rex:''' You know my name.
:'''Dr. Rylandar:''' Of course I do! I gave it to you!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' I can't believe you're alive. What a stroke of luck.
:'''Rex:''' Dad?
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' You've lost your memory, have you? not surprising, considering what you've been through. Oh. Sorry to disappoint you, Rex. I'm afraid I'm not who you want me to be.
:'''Rex:''' Oh. So if you're not my dad, do you know where he is? Oh, well. Rex Rylander is a goofy name, anyway.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' Dr. Rylander, I've got to know.
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' You must understand. It was never about power or greed. It was able changing the world, saving mankind from disease and starvation. And we would have succeeded until ''they'' got involved.
:'''Rex:''' What are you talking about?
:'''Rylander:''' The nanites were incomplete. The incident spread them across the globe before we could finish their final programming. Except for you. Yours were from a different batch, the very first actually. All those innocent victims.
:'''Rex:''' If you feel so bad about it, why have you been attacking more people?
:'''Rylander:''' Hmm. &quot;The chosen few.&quot; Those men and women, Rex, are far from innocent. While they hide in their office towers and gated estates, I've been here trying to set things right, to find a cure for what we created. I've begged for more funding.
:'''Rex:''' Wait! Everyone you attacked- They all worked on the Nanite Project?
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' They commissioned it. I merely wished to send them a warning to see what would happen if they refused to help finish the good work we started. And it was good, Rex. ''You're'' living proof that we were doing the right thing.
:'''Rex''' (''indignant'')''':''' By turning me into an E.V.O.!?
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' You had an accident. The nanites were your only hope. It was tremendous gamble. The...unexpected side affects name later. It was surprise to all of us. Oh. The look on your brother's face...
:'''Rex:''' Brother?
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' When the Event occurred, it was your powers that saved you both. Most of the others, they weren't so lucky.
:'''Rex''' (''to himself'')''':''' I'm not alone.
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' Oh, here. I have something for you.
:(''Injects the mighty and all-powerful Omega Nanite into his system'')
:'''Rex:''' Ow.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' The force-field must be failing.
:'''Rex:''' Forget the force-field! What did you just inject me with!?
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' ''[[w:Omnipotence |Everything]]''.
:'''Rex:''' ''Enough, okay!? Do you have any idea what's been like!? Not knowing who I am!? If my family's dead or alive!? Quite with the mad scientist act and give me some answers!!''
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' Forgive me, Rex. I been so consumed with my own guilt I didn't consider what you must be going through. The truth is-
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Truth, Doctor? You wouldn't know the first thing about it. Nor loyalty for that matter. How many times must I tell you this, Rex? The answers you so desperately seek lie with me. And as for you, Doctor, consider our past disagreement settled. I look forward to continuing our research...alone. This was unavoidable, Rex. The longer you resist me, the more people get hurt. Rylander has always been on borrowed time. All of this belongs to me now. Destroy me and you lose everything.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Six:''' No. I didn't see what happened, but according to Rex, Van Kleiss has been eliminated. Rylander's experiment is a total loss.
:'''Holiday:''' All of this for nothing. I'm sorry, Rex.
:'''Rex:''' It wasn't for nothing, Doc. I've got a brother. Out there- somewhere. Finally! I started to get some real answers. I feel closer to the truth than ever.

===The Forgotten===
:'''Six:''' Rex!
:'''Rex:''' It's like I'm hearing through my nanites.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''No-Face:''' You are not the Before.
:'''Rex:''' I'm not sure that was a complete sentence back then.
:'''No-Face:''' ''They'' are the Before! The Before forgot us. The Before left us in pain.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;

===Operation: Wingman===
:'''Annie:''' &quot;Do you have a girlfriend?&quot;
:'''Rex:''' &quot;It's complicated. She's in league with an evil dictator who wants me dead.&quot;
:'''Annie:''' &quot;Yeah. My dad's always worried about me dating, too.&quot;
&lt;hr width80%&gt;

===Rabble===
:'''Quarry''': Come on, Rex. (''holds up Rex's journal'') We both know this is what you really want. So go ahead take it. Walk away. Show them who you really are. You were always very good a taking care of yourself. Why should now be any different?
:'''Rex''': (''Cuts his journal in two'') Whoever I was back then, is not who I am now. Not anymore.
:'''Quarry''': Your choice.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex''': It's over, Quarry! You lose!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Sqywwd:''' I hope you don't expect us to thank you.
: '''Rex:''' No. Providence won't bother you unless you do something stupid.
: '''Cricket:''' We'll be fine. Thank you, Rex. 
:(''Kisses him on the check'')
: '''Tuck:''' Don't forget about us, Okay?
: '''Rex:''' That may be a promise I can't keep. (''Flies off on his Boogie Pack'')
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' It's going to happen again, isn't it? I'm going to blank out. How long do I have?
: '''Holiday:''' I don't know, Rex. It's likely triggered by a specific event; something traumatic.

===The Hunter===

===Gravity===

===What Lies Beneath===
: '''Circe:''' Rex, it's me.
: '''Rex:''' Circe? What do ''you'' want!?
: '''Circe:''' Things in Abysus- they're bad, Rex. I need your help.
: '''Rex:''' Oh, well, how do I put this nicely? Not a chance! You made your choice, Circe! I made mine. End of story.
: '''Circe:''' Please, Rex. I know you're mad at me, but this is a matter of life and death.
: '''Rex:''' A lot of things are right now. Nice talking to you.
: '''Circe:''' Rex!?
: (''Looks crestfallen'')
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I didn't know you were still in touch with Circe.
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, me neither. Can we please stop talking about this?
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Holiday:''' She's very pretty.
: '''Rex:''' She works for Van Kleiss. She's the enemy. 
: '''Holiday:''' But you still like her, don't you?
: '''Rex:''' I am ''not'' talking about this!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe:''' Rex, thank you.
: '''Rex:''' I'm not doing this for you. But...your welcome. (''Circe similes hopefully'') So what exactly am I supposed to do?
:'''Holiday:''' When I said you were the key, I meant that literally. According to the plans, the machine needs to be turned on by a molecular level. 
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' You ''lied'' to me!!
: '''Circe:''' You wouldn't have come if I told you the truth.
: '''Rex:''' This wasn't about you needing ''me''!! This is about you needing Van Kleiss!!
: '''Circe:''' I need you both. Please, Rex, you don't understand.
: '''Rex:''' No!! ''You'' don't understand!! Van Kleiss is gone and I intend to keep it that way!!
: '''Biowulf:''' You destroyed us all!!
: '''Six:''' Don't even breathe.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe:''' You don't know what you've done.
: '''Rex:''' Then, I guess we're even.
: '''Circe:''' You've never understood his power. Van Kleiss kept us safe here. His force was the only thing keeping Abysus together, and you destroyed that.
: '''Rex:''' We're done here!!
: '''Holiday:''' Rex, I think she's right. Nanites operate on a molecular level. If they bonded with Van Kleiss, breaking off his connection must have caused a splinter; resulting in a disastrous chain reaction.
: '''Rex:''' I'm ''not'' bringing him back! ''Not now, not ever!!'' Besides, you don't need Van Kleiss! You have me!! Why not go straight to the source?!
:'''Holiday:''' Rex, no!
:'''Six:''' Stand down! It's too dangerous!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' Let go of me!!
: '''Holiday:''' If you keep fighting these unstable nanites, they're going to destroy you!
: '''Rex:''' And if I don't they'll destroy everybody else.
: '''Holiday:''' Not if you listen to me! I have an idea. It's a long shot. Instead of fighting the nanites, ''communicate'' with them.
: '''Six:''' You want to talk to the nanites?
: '''Holiday:''' He's done it before.
: '''Rex:''' Never anything this big.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' I got you! Don't let go!! (''Rex struggles to save Circe from falling as she clings to him; tears fill her eyes''). ''Circe!!'' (''as she falls into the black goop of highly unstable nanites'')
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' ''Circe!'' Six! Dr. Holiday! Okay, you win. (''technopathically starts the machine''). Something's...not right.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' Circe! Come on, breathe!
: '''Circe''' (''coughs weakly'')''':''' Hey.
: '''Rex:''' Hey.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' Stay with us, Circe. Van Kleiss is done.
: '''Circe:''' As much as I care about you, Rex, Van Kleiss and the Pack are my family. They took me in when no one else would. I can't abandon them.
: '''Rex:''' So that's it. We're always going to be on opposite sides.
: '''Circe:''' It does keep it interesting.

===The Swarm===
:'''Rex''' (thinking'')''':''' ''Gotta stay under. Not sure I can...make it.
:(''Has visions of those most dear to him: Noah, his crush Circe, Holiday, Six, Bobo)

===Basic===
===The Plague===
===Promises, Promises===
:''Note:'' This episode depicts how young Rex had joined Providence via Six's [[w:flashback episode|memories]].
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:''[Six narrates over imagery of the Nanite Event.]''
:'''Six:'''	The names and faces may change, but no matter how you slice it, war is war. You pick a side and you don’t look back. I believe that now and I believed it then. What gets you in trouble is when you start second guessing. Forget what you’re fighting for and you’re finished.
:'''Diane Farrah:''' ''[Panicked screaming is heard in the background of an EVO attack]'' There’s another entity has emerged, this time in the heart of Paris. Authorities are vastly unprepared. Unless a decisive response to this pandemic is marshalled, the city will fall just as Kiev— ''[Diane Farrah gets snatched by the EVO’s web]''
:''[A Providence assault vehicle rams through police cars, from which Six appears and deals with the EVO.]''
:'''White Knight:''' Save some for me partner! How else am I gonna earn my paycheck?
:''[Knight fires off a weapon and the scene cuts to present day at Providence Headquarters.]''
:'''Providence Agents:''' Surprise!
:'''Rex:'''	So, the flu shots?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I needed an excuse to get you here. We’ll do them after cake. I’ll get you Van Kleiss! ''[Holiday swings at a pinata blindfolded before Rex crushes it with his smack hands]''
:'''Rex:''' Sorry, Doc, it was taking too long. And it was either that or throw some of your cake at it.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[Holiday walks over to Six at a corner, passing him a drink]'' You’re looking festive.
:'''Six:''' It was an odd choice to pick today to be his birthday.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It is the anniversary of his new life here. He deserves a celebration, he changed everything.
:'''Six:''' Has he?
:'''Rex:''' ''[Rex jumps onto a counter, speaking to the agents surrounding him]'' Ha-hah! How about hitting The Petting Zoo for a little pin-the-tail on the raging “Rhinocesaurus”?
:'''Dr. Holiday and Six:''' No.
:'''Rex:'''	Every party has a pooper. And I got two.
:'''Providence Agents:''' ''[Providence Agents turn off the lights and bring Rex a birthday cake]'' Happy Birthday!
:'''Rex:'''	Dudes!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' You should be celebrating too, Six! After all, you’re the one who started this. In a way, it’s your birthday too.
:''[Flashback to Six and Knight walking through the Petting Zoo during construction of Providence HQ.]''
:'''White Knight:''' Nyquist. Fortier. How’s the monkey business?
:'''Nyquist:''' Ha ha-larious, Knight.
:'''Fortier:''' Hey, for your information we probably saved the world today.
:'''White Knight:''' I, for one, feel safer already. ''[Knight states, looking at Bobo while Six walks towards his cage]''
:'''Bobo:''' So, green man. We meet again!
:'''Calan:''' They found him at the Kremlin this time. He was threatening to push the button unless someone brought him a thousand pounds of caviar.
:'''Bobo:''' Chimp’s gotta eat.
:'''Fortier:''' What about your little bug hunt? Give you much trouble?
:'''White Knight:''' Nothing we couldn’t handle.
:''[The EVO is transported in a cage overhead while Knight and Six walk through a hallway.]''
:'''White Knight:''' What? Not even a smile? Oh by the way, happy birthday. ''[Knight passes Six a gift]''
:'''Six:''' How did you know?
:'''White Knight:''' I’m your partner. Can’t keep much from me.
:'''Six:''' Thanks.
:'''White Knight:''' So what crawled up your coat?
:'''Six:''' I’m getting tired of all this fighting. Did you see how many there are now? Are we gonna cage the whole world?
:'''White Knight:''' ''[Knight turns around, placing a hand on Six's shoulder]'' We’re preserving the human race. ''[The door to the processing facility opens]'' Besides, who says we’re gonna cage them all?
:'''Dr. Fell:''' ''[Looking at the EVO]'' And to think, this was once spinning webs in someone’s garden. Doctor Holiday, prepare for disassembly. ''[Doctor Holiday nods and activates the procedure as per his instructions. Doctor Fell sports a wicked smile during the experiment before it disintegrates the EVO without a trace]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It’s the same exact data as last time, and the time before that; Doctor Fell, why aren’t we studying them in a natural setting?
:'''Dr. Fell:''' Only through molecular dissection will we find a way to expunge this threat. The committee agrees with me on this. If you do not approve, I can always find another assistant.
:'''White Knight:''' ''[Doctor Holiday leaves the facility in frustration with Doctor Fell]'' Bleeding hearts. They’ll get us all killed one day.
:''[Holiday walks down a hallway and drops several notes, one of which Six picks up.]''
:'''Six:''' EVO?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Exponentially Variegated Organism; a little more scientific than spoiled meat. That is what you hired guns call them isn’t it?
:'''Six:''' It's Six, and I don't use guns. You told Fell we could learn more by bringing them in alive. What did you mean?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' The nanites are altering our DNA, but with the right type of research, there's no doubt they could be programmed to stop or reverse the process. Imagine a third option to this, kill-or-Contain protocol.
:'''Six:''' A third option?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' A cure.
:'''White Knight:''' ''[Knight and several other Providence agents run past Holiday after an alarm activates]'' Buckle up partner! Looks like we got ourselves a big one.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Hopeless.
:''[Providence mercenaries arrive at Mexico to confront the giant mechanical EVO.]''
:'''White Knight:''' What are we looking at?
:'''Dr. Fell:''' ''[Speaking through a monitor]'' Fascinating. It appears to be bio-mechanical. I must have a closer look at this one.
:'''White Knight:''' One for the trophy case.
:'''Six:''' Wait. We may get more out of this one if we bring it in alive!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Dr. Fell:''' You're letting your emotions cloud your judgement, Six. With what we gleam from this boy, I could create tools that could inoculate the world.
:'''Six:''' Why risk it? He can already cure them! I've seen it!
:'''White Knight:''' So, what, we train him? Make him one of us?
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Knight:''' We're supposed to be friends! He's a monster! What do you see in him!?
:'''Six:''' Hope.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''White Knight:''' Thanks for talking some sense into him, Doc. ''[Knight picks up Six’s katana and walks toward Rex]''
:'''Rex:''' What...what’s happening to me? ''[Rex pleas to Knight, who simply looks down at him before warning sirens go off and the facility begins to lockdown]''
:'''Dr. Fell:''' We’re all going to burn. ''[Fell escapes while Rex is craned away by Holiday on an upper level]''
:'''White Knight:''' No! ''[Knight looks back at Six who is slowly picking himself up while the remaining exits close off. In a last ditch effort, Knight carries Six and throws him through the final set of doors before they seal shut]''
:'''Six:'''	''[Six picks himself and slams his fist against the glass]'' Why?
:'''White Knight:''' I know what side I’m on. ''[Knight proudly states before getting consumed by a blinding white light and screaming in agony]''
:'''Six:'''	''[Grabbing a hold of Dr. Fell's collar Six shouts]'' Do something!
:'''Dr. Fell:''' Once the cycle starts it's impossible to shut down.
:'''Rex:'''	''[Contrary to Dr. Fell's statement, the light fades away and the electricity is subdued after Rex interfaces with a control panel]'' Impossible? Psh, right.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' How did you—-?
:'''Rex:''' Told it to turn off. And it did! Wait, where...where am I?
:'''Dr. Fell:''' ''[Speaking through a monitor]'' Doctor Holiday. Maybe you were right.
:'''Dr. Holiday:'''	Maybe you should start looking for another job.
:'''Bobo:''' ''[Within the processing chamber, Knight takes a few steps forward before collapsing]'' Hey marshmallow! Nice look! ''[Knight looks back up at Bobo with his signature bleached appearance]''
:''[Some time later, in his office White Knight speaks to Six through a monitor.]''
:'''White Knight:''' How’s the training?
:'''Six:'''	Slow.
:'''White Knight:''' Not all you hoped he’d be? ''[Rex and Bobo topple each other in a play fight while Knight continues to monologue in his office]'' Still, who would’ve thought the kinder, gentler approach would do such wonders for our profile. The notion of a cure has gotten Providence funding, and worldwide prestige. The committee's happy. Your new partner may just be the best thing this operation could have asked for. Funny, isn’t it? Because of you I can never leave this chamber. I’m now the only pure human left in the world. And the perfect poster boy to run this operation. I suppose I should thank you.
:'''Six:''' I promised him that we would help uncover his past; find his family.
:'''White Knight:''' Whatever keeps him on his leash. But if he shows the slightest sign of turning into thing again, it's all on you.
:''[Back at the party in the present, Noah is pinned down by Bobo with a bag on his head to Rex’s amusement.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Hoo-hoo-hoo! Oh my—hold him down, I’ll get the camera! ''[Rex runs to his room, and after a quick search he instead finds a long box on a corner shelf]''
:'''Six:''' Happy birthday. ''[Six walks into his room, officially greeting Rex]''
:'''Rex:'''	From you? For me? You gotta be kidding.
:'''Six:''' You, your work. It has made a real difference. I just—-
:'''Rex:'''	Yeah, I know I’m pretty great! But seriously get off the sap train, Six. It’s creeping me out. ''[Rex opens the gift to reveal the blade inside]'' Wow, Six! Thank you!
:'''Six:'''	It’s called a tanto. It’s the ceremonial blade of a samurai warrior.
:'''Rex:'''	Samurai? Awesome.
:'''Six:'''	''[Six unsheathes his own tanto and holds it against Rex’s]'' This is its twin.
:'''Rex:'''	''[Rex removes the cap from his tanto and squints at the symbol etched into the blade]'' Is that...writing?
:'''Six:'''	Bushido symbol of loyalty. It means whether for good or ill, our fates will follow the same path. This one stays with me.
:'''Rex:'''	Think this thing can cut through Holiday’s chocolate cake?
:'''Six:'''	''[Six raises an eyebrow]'' Anything’s possible.
:''[Rex puts the cap back on to the blade and camera cuts to outside of Providence headquarters, panning outward until screen fades to black.]''

===Badlands===
:'''Gatlocke:''' Do you like rules?
:'''Rex:''' Can't say I do.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Gatlocke:''' Feel that? It's quilted. This is the good kind. But I won't be able to really enjoy in ''until I have those nanites!''
&lt;hr width80%&gt;

===Out of the Dark===
:''Note'': Rex's love interest and sweetheart Circe appears in a vision.

===Payback===
:''[In the realm of Abysus]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Humiliated... De-powered... All but destroyed. Hardly the new world I set out to build, is it?
:'''Biowulf:''' Master, a spy has made contact.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Well?
:'''Providence Spy:''' Everything is in place.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' And the boy?
:'''Providence Spy:''' He's here.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' ''[to his loyal followers]'' Soon our greatest enemy will be buried! Providence itself will be destroyed. And we'll have Rex to thank.
:'''Rex:''' Come on! Who's gonna know?
:'''Noah:''' Yeah. It would only be for a minute or two.
:'''Calan:''' You actually want me to let you fly the keep?
:''[Calan sighs]''
:'''Calan:''' Only until the next course change. And nothing fancy.
:'''Rex:''' All right, let's see what this baby can really do! Why, it wasn't me! Seriously!
:'''Both:''' Whoa!
:'''Providence Spies:''' Aah!
:'''White Knight:''' Calan, what's your status?
:'''Calan:''' Came from out of nowhere. We're being boarded. Scramble all jump jets. Mobilize for a counter-offensive.
:'''White Knight:''' This is a coordinated attack. Every major Providence outpost around the globe has been hit.
:'''Six:''' So far they've steered clear of headquarters. I'm on route to the keep now.
:'''Rex:''' Are they really that stupid? Attacking the keep with me on board? This should only take a minute.
:'''Noah:''' Wait up!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Find Rex. It goes without saying &quot;alive&quot; would be ideal. Take the ship.
:'''Providence Spy:''' Some kind of power surge. We're losing control of the helm!
:'''Calan:''' Find out where it's coming from. Doc, if you'll excuse me--
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Six?
:'''Six:''' Five minutes out. Prepare for an evac. I'm getting you off the ship.
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Noah:''' Again with the Smack Hands? You always open with that move. Change it up a little!
:'''Both:''' Whoa!
:'''Bobo:''' You see what you get? That's what happens when you interrupt my nap-- Bobo gets cranky!
:'''Rex:''' I learned that the hard way, too.
:'''Calan:''' All hands-- We've got intruders on deck four, five, and six. Get'em off our ship!
:'''Rex:''' Go!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Attention, Providence. The ship is ours.
:'''Rex:''' Ugh! Not even close, Van Kleiss!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Lay down your weapons, and your lives will be spared. Continue to resist and nothing survives.
:'''Rex:''' You've made I made some lame-o moves before, Van Kleiss, but this one-- classic.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Seems you may have run out of tricks. Oh, you had to know it would only be a matter of time. I've had a fair amount of time on my hands these days. ''[Restrains Rex with his gauntlet]''
:'''Rex:''' Aaaaah!
:'''Van Kleiss:'''  You took something very precious from me, Rex, and now I'll be returning the favor.
:'''Rex:''' If you want my monkey, you can forget it. 
:''[Van Kleiss starts draining nanites from Rex, causing him to squirm and scream in pain.]''
:''[Rex grunting]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' It might come as a surprise that when you stole the nanites that gave my power, you left some of your behind-- Enough to tell me a few of what makes you tick. :''[Rex tries to summon a build, but nothing happens.]''
:'''Rex:''' Ungh!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:''[Rex gasps]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' You'll find that using your powers will be something of a challenge. The nanites that you so special belong to me now.
:'''Biowulf:''' What shall I do with him, master?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I have everything I need from him. I could care less. Secure the rest of the ship.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Come on! Do you really think throwing me out that hatch is the best way to get rid of me? Wouldn't it be more fun to throw me in a cage, tie me down in front of a laser?
:'''Biowulf:''' No!
:'''Rex:''' Aaaaaaaah! Wh-o-o-o-o-oa!
:'''Noah:''' What is he doing?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' This is no time to fool around, Rex.
:'''Rex:''' Happened to notice that ground coming up on his, doc? If you don't do something fast, I'm about to become part of it! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Ugh!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, are you okay?
:'''Rex:''' I think we may have a problem.
:'''White Knight:''' What do you mean &quot;they have the keep&quot;?! Blow it up!
:'''Six:''' We tried. The remote-destruct sequence has been disabled. Van Kleiss has complete control of it.
:'''White Knight:''' Give me some good news.
:'''Six:''' We know where it's heading. Here.
:'''Biowulf:''' This is the commanding officer. We found him attempting to destroy this ship.
:'''Calan:''' What's your game, Van Kleiss?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Oh, a very good question-- One that depends entirely on what happens next, Captain. It seems my powers have made a slight... change.
:'''Rex:''' Well? They're gone, aren't they? Van Kleiss took all my active nanites.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Not exactly. I found this. Definitely a nanite, but it's unlike anything I've ever seen. Molecular scans seems to indicate it's some kind of control-nanite.
:'''Rex:''' But with nothing to control.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' With a large enough concentration of nanites, we might be able to jump-start it. But even with that, there's no guarantee it would replicate or even give you back the same abilities.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I hate to say it, but this one has me stumped.
:'''Rex:''' Great. Loving this.
:'''White Knight:''' If you're finished with the lost cause, we've got a bigger problem.
:'''Biowulf:''' Master, how is this possible?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' It would seem Rex's nanites have an opposite effect on me. He cured EVOs. Now I create them. Full ahead-- Ramming speed! Once we're through, we'll destroy Providence from the inside out.
:'''White Knight:''' Lock it down! I want hallways cleared and critical sections defended. They will not take this base.
:'''Rex:''' Well? What are we waiting for? Let's go stop them!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, you're in no condition to fight.
:'''Rex:''' Well, what do you expect me to do-- Hide?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Whatever it takes. That nanite inside you might be able to bring you back, but it's going to take me time to figure out how. And that's not something we have a lot of right now.
:'''Rex:''' Wow. Nice outfit.
:'''Noah:''' Got one for you, too. You get to armor up like the rest of us normals.
:'''Rex:''' Come on.
:'''Bobo:''' All right, where to?
:'''Rex:''' South Pacific.
:'''Bobo:''' That's my boy. And here I thought you'd try to pull some hero stunt. Oh, brother.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I want the White Knight. Find where he's hiding and bring him to me.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' That should be everything, as long as the offsite backup holds.
:'''Six:''' Don't let it get to that.
:'''Noah:''' This is a strange place for a base.
:'''Rex:''' When I have too many nanites in me, this is where I go to offload.
:'''Bobo:''' Think of it as a nanite porta-potty.
:'''Noah:''' Thanks... For that image, Bobo. So, we just put some of these nanites in you, and we're good to go?
:'''Rex:''' No. They're inactive. Or at least stripped of their programming. Since I can't control them, I just have to hope that whatever this thing is inside me can't.
:'''Noah:''' So... What happens if it can't?
:'''Bobo:''' Let me put it this way-- The last guy who went swimmin' in that soup ended up a 50-foot freak show.
:'''White Knight:''' Listen to me carrefully, Van Kleiss.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I'd rather not.
:'''White Knight:''' Where are they?
:'''Six:''' The inner perimeter has been compromised. They're coming.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Ugh! Ungh!
:''[Skalamander roars]''
:''[Skalamander roars]''
:'''Biowulf:''' Open it.
:'''Rex:''' Okay. Bobo, set the thing to &quot;vent&quot; and go. If this doesn't work, I don't want you getting caught in the blast.
:'''Bobo:''' No.
:'''Noah:''' Forget it. Rex, at least think about his for a sec. What if it wipes your memory? What it turns you into some evil monster?
:'''Rex:''' My friends need me. There's nothing more to think about. Bobo, do it.
:'''Bobo:''' Long odds, pay big.
:''[Bobo groans]''
:'''Six:''' You've overstayed your welcome.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Now, here's someone who would make a nice addition to our EVO ranks.
:'''Six:''' Go ahead and try. Ugh!
:''[Six groans]''
:'''Rex:''' Trying to do my job for me, Six? Here's a thought-- When your top henchman can't even get rid of someone by throwing him out of a moving plane, time to rethink the help.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' You are determined-- I'll give you that. If it's what you prefer, I'll finish you myself.
:'''Rex:''' Maybe.
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Ugh!
:'''Rex:''' Whoa! Cool!
:'''Bobo:''' See? I told you it would work.
:'''Six:''' This is an unexpected surprise.
:'''Rex:''' Well, by now, you should expect the unexpected from me, Six.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Ungh!
:''[Skalamander roars]''
:''[Dr. Holiday grunts]''
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Noah:''' Is that what I think it is?
:'''Bobo:''' Not anymore.
:'''Noah:''' You think there might be more of them?
:'''Bobo:''' Eh... Probably.
:''[Biowulf grunts]''
:''[Biowulf growls]''
:'''Biowulf:''' Aaaaaaah!
:'''White Knight:''' I use that electromagnet to trap stray nanites. You're lucky it's on the lowest setting. Any higher, and it would rip the nanites right out of your body.
:''[Biowulf grunts]''
:'''Biowulf:''' Then why don't you?
:'''White Knight:''' Because then I wouldn't be able to do this.
:'''Skalamander:''' No one can help you. You're all alone now.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Not exactly. We still have my sister.
:''[Skalamander grunting]''
:''[Rex and Van Kleiss grunts]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Aaaaah!
:'''Rex:''' No way!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Ungh!
:'''Rex:''' Once again, epic fail. I'll take my nanites back now.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Ugh!
:'''Noah:''' Rex, wait!
:'''Bobo:''' Van Kleiss left behind a few presents.
:'''Rex:''' No time to look everywhere. I'm shutting everything down.
:'''Noah:''' You can do that?
:'''Rex:''' Don't know. Never tried. Anything else? No?
:'''Calan:''' Whew! I never want to do that again. No, sir.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Amazing.
:'''Rex:''' Why, thank you.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I was talking about the nanites. That was a risky move, Rex, but it worked. As far as I can tell, you're back to your old self.
:'''Rex:''' I don't know. Something feels different. That new build-- I think I can do even more. It's like I can see the blueprints. I just need to figure out how to put it all together.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' White Knight in person. Never thought I'd see the day.
:'''White Knight:''' Well, don't get used to it. We found all the explosives. The base and the keep will need extensive repairs. This was not our finest hour.
:'''Rex:''' What are you talking about? We kicked butt! So what if Van Kleiss is back and more powerful than ever? So am I! If he wants a nanite war, let him bring it!
:''[White Knight laughs]''
:'''White Knight:''' It's good to have your back, Rex.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' You know, I think he actually means it.
:'''Rex:''' Sure he does. So, tell me something, guys-- What's next?

==Season Two (2011)==
===Rampage===
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' I'll give you the recap. Thanks to these microscopic machines called nanites, I can build cool gear out of my body. I'm what's called an EVO. But most evo's aren't lucky like me. They usually look like this. ''[laughing]'' I know what you're thinking. And they smell bad, too. There's one other thing I can do that makes me even more special. Some EVOs, I can cure. That's why I work for Providence. We're the people you call when an evo is tearing up your lawn or attacking a city. And the worst of them is this guy... Van Kleiss. The last time we fought, things got a little out of hand. I'll admit it... we pretty much got our tails handed to us. He steals the key, wrecks headquarters, hijacks my nanite to get back the powers I took away from him. And now he can actually make people into EVOs. Then, to top it off, he has his dog boy Biowulf throw me, overboard at 6,000 feet. Not that anyone's keeping score. Sure, Van Kleiss may be back, but so am I. So what if he can make EVOs? I can still cure them. He may have new powers, but guess what... I do, too. Ever since my powers came back, I've got the ability to make amazing new machines. Now I just have to figure out how to build more.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' If you're trying to check up on me, Six, the answer's still a big fat... ''[imitates buzzer]'' I can't figure out how to make this new build.
:'''Six:''' It might take some time, but you'll get it.
:'''Rex:''' And meanwhile, Van Kleiss is out there doing who knows what. I wish they'd hurry up and get the H.Q. Rebuilt. You're not still living out of your jump jet like some ninja hobo, are you?
:'''Six:''' My temporary accommodations are perfectly adequate.
:'''Rex:''' Yep. Still living in the jet. ''[Groans]'' I hate being kicked out of our house. Although, as long as they're building stuff, I need a hot tub.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' &quot;I was wondering when you and your hair would show up again, Van Kleiss.&quot;
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Back to your old self again, I see. And how are those new abilities developing?&quot;
:'''Rex:''' Just fine. Thanks for asking.&quot;
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' &quot;Don't you have anything better to do with your life then come after me all the time?&quot;
:'''Van Kleiss:''' &quot;Funny you should ask.&quot;
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' Doc? How are those biometrics looking now?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Give it a try.
:'''Rex:''' Ah, yeah! It's about time! Machines work. I just hope the important part does.
:'''Noah:''' What just happened?
:'''Rex:''' Do you remember anything?
:'''Noah:''' It all kind of hazy. I mostly remember the feeling of... Fun. And I remember you punching me in the face.
:'''Rex:''' Yeah. Sorry about that. I thought you were trying to eat me. Come on. We've got a rat to catch. Why so happy? Is this the part where breach shows up and rescues you?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Actually, no. This is the part where she takes your inadequately guarded fuel core.
:'''Six:''' Six to post, what's your status? Six to post.
:'''Rex:''' Another decoy?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I should share some of the credit with your friend over here. He played the part to perfection.
:'''Noah:''' Gee, thanks.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Now, this would be the part where Breach shows up.
:'''Noah:''' I can't believe I did all this. Sounds like I had the time of my life.
:'''Rex:''' ''[laughing]'' It almost became your life. Sorry about that.
:'''Noah:''' Are you kidding? Just knowing I was a rampaging evo is cool. I wish I could have remembered at least some of it.
:'''Rex:''' It's probably all over the news if you want a replay... At least until you stepped on the news van.
:'''Noah:''' Well... ''[Exhales sharply]'' Guess it's back to quadratic equations.
:'''Rex:''' I have no idea what those are. I've got somewhere I need to be. See you later. I know. I'm not supposed to be here. I don't care if it's a construction zone. I'm moving back.
:'''Six:''' It's all right. Turns out you're not the only one who feels that way. You'll get used to the cold showers. Food, you're on your own. From the top?
:'''Rex:''' From the top.
:'''Six:''' What were you trying to build, anyway?
:'''Rex:''' A water jet. Oh, by the way, I need a new cellphone.
:'''Six:''' Yes?
:'''Determined grandmother:''' ''[through phone]'' It's after my glasses again.
:'''Six:''' Glasses?
:'''Determined grandmother:''' ''[through phone]'' This time I am serious. Now, when are you going to send someone out here?
:'''Six:''' Ma'am, I'm...
:'''Determined grandmother:''' ''[through phone]'' Do you even work for Providence?
:'''Six:''' Yes, I work for Providence.
:'''Determined grandmother:''' ''[through phone]'' What kind of a flimflam outfit is this?
:'''Six:''' How did you get this number?

===Wasteland===
===Tough Love===

===The Lost Weekend===
:'''Kenwyn:''' What did you to Skwydd?
:'''Mouse:''' Just shedding a light light on how dangerous his kind can be.
:'''Rex:''' By juicing his powers? What were you thinking?
:'''Mouse:''' Most inorganic material explodes when given that kind of molecular jolt, but not not nanites. They convert the energy into power that amplifies an E.V.O.'s abilities to tremendously uncontrollable levels.

===Star-Crossed===

===Alliance===
:'''Rex:''' ''[to himself]'' And he brought his Pack flunkies. Biowulf, Skalamander, Breach. Circe? Gotta hurry. Their headed straight for... someplace else. Gonna find out where.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Holiday:''' Rex why aren't you fixing that shield regulator?
:'''Rex:''' Hint. You may remember him from such schemes as destroying Providence headquarters, and trying to take over the entire Earth.
:'''Holiday:''' Van Kliess, in there? You're right. You should investigate after you fix the shield.
:'''Rex:''' Then it might be too late.
:'''Holiday:''' She's there, isn't she?
:'''Rex:''' Who? Breach? Yeah, but...
:'''Holiday:''' A quick recon and that's it.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Intriguing. An entire urban branch of EVO. development.
:'''Biowulf:''' This place is a waste of our time.
:'''Circe:''' Van Kleiss knows what he's doing. It's not your place to question.
:'''Biowulf:''' Question?! You dare accuse me of disloyalty?!
:'''Circe:''' Sorry. Get a grip!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Circe:''' You're right, you know. We should be down there with him. What is he up to anyway?
:'''Biowulf:''' I do not know.
:'''Circe:''' You don't know? I thought he trusted you with everything.
:'''Biowulf:''' Of course he does! He just--
:'''Rex:''' Hey! Easy on the stealth suit, which apparently, isn't so stealthy.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''NoFace:''' Invaders have come before. They brought only pain.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' It is a pain we both share. The same Providence outsides attacked my lands, destroyed my army.
:'''NoFace:''' There was one who tormented us, humiliated us. The grower of machines.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Ah, Rex. Another thorn we share. My proposal is simple: You control a formidable legion. I, in turn, can provide the escape and the vengeance you seek. I can be your liberator. You can be my general. Together we will crush our enemies, starting with the one you hate most. Now are we--
:'''Biowulf:''' Master, I have a report.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' ''[irritated]'' This is a private conversation. Can't you handle the sightest detail without bothering me?
:'''Biowulf:''' Of course, Master. It was nothing.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' Here comes the moment when our brave hero sweeps the girl of her feet! Literally!
:'''Biowulf:''' Don't let him.
:'''Circe:''' Hey! Let--
:'''Rex:''' ''[flies off with Circe in his arms]''' See you around, henchie!
:'''Biowulf:''' ''[to Skalamander]''  Follow them.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Circe:''' Down, now!
:'''Rex:''' Not till we hear each other out!
:'''Circe:''' Sure! I'll go first. 
:''[Breaks the Bogie Pack with a hypersonic burst, causing them to fall]''
:'''Rex:''' Oh, great. Way to go, Circe.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' ''[to himself]'' Our hero pursues the girl of his dreams, heedless of her attempts to break his heart... along with the rest of him. Circe, just one minute, okay? Look-No powers!
:'''Circe:''' One minute! But if this is about leaving the Pack--
:'''Rex:''' Please. I'm way past that. There are bigger things going here than who you hang out with.
:'''Circe:''' Fifty seconds!
:'''Rex:''' I wasn't sent here to spy on you. I'm here to stop these things from ever getting out.
:'''Circe:''' Forty! Why are you telling me this? You know who I am!
:'''Rex:''' You've seen the things that live here. Whatever deal you think Van Kleiss is making, it's going to turn out bad for everyone.
:'''Circe:''' Thirty seconds!
:'''Rex:''' I do know who you are, Circe. Just for once think for yourself. Maybe your perfect leader could actually be wrong, maybe even a bit crazy, nuts, certifiably insane!
: '''Circe:''' Shut up! Twenty! Talk about blinded. Did you ever wonder why Van Kleiss is so interested in you?
:'''Rex:''' Oh, I don't know. Maybe he wants me dead?
:'''Circe:''' Not anymore. Something has changed, Rex. Ever since you got your powers back, I hear him talking. Saying you have something that's the key to everything. For whatever reason, he needs you alive. I know it, Rex. He'd never let you be killed.
:'''Rex:''' Never, huh?
:'''Circe:''' Time's up! 
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' Now this looks like a party.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Rex, you never cease to amaze me.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''No-Face:''' Defiler! Give him to us!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Now do you believe I can deliver what I say? Will yoh agree to my leadership?
:'''No-Face:''' We agree to it! Give him to us! Now! Now! Now!
:'''Circe:''' ''[very shocked]''' Van Kleiss, I didn't bring Rex here so that you could-- He'll kill him!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Never forget how I found you, Circe. What you were... before. He's yours. 
:''[Tears well up in Circe's eyes; thoroughly horrified that her master would calmly allow Rex's life to be put at risk]''
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' ''[weakly]''' Is this what you wanted? 
:''[Collapses from his inquiries, causing Circe to open her eyes]''
:'''Circe''' ''[tearful, pleading]'': Stop this! Please! You need him alive!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Alive, yes. Heart pumping, lungs breathing, but his mind? The less there's left of that, the better. Circe, I warn you: Lift so much as a finger to help him, and you're finished!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Circe:''' You, Biowulf, even me. We're all just means to an end for him. He doesn't really care for any of us.
:'''Rex:''' So you finally figured that out. Better late than never, I guess.
:'''Circe:''' It's not too late! Not if I have anything to say about it!
:''[Extends her fleshly and grotesque EVOs mouth]''
:'''Bobo:''' Whoa! Whoa! There are some of us who might not like the sound of whatever you're about to do!
:'''Circe:''' I'll adjust the frequency to exclude friendly EVOs.
:'''Bobo:''' Does that include me?
:'''Circe:''' For now. 
:''[Uses her melodious, hypnotic singing to call back the EVOs escaping]''
:'''Rex:''' I thought you said you could filter it.
:'''Circe:''' It's not an exact science. 
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Circe:''' Van Kleiss.
:'''Rex:''' Breach'll get him out... eventually. But right now he's in there, you're out here. You don't have a better opportunity to consider your options.
:''[Notice the two of them holding hands and let go, blushing]''
:'''Bobo:''' What is it stealing from our own people that's so dang satisfying?
:'''Circe:''' You forget to remove the tracker. I'm not going to Providence.
:'''Rex:''' Doesn't matter where you go. All that matters is that you want to go there. That said. I hear Hong Kong's nice this time of year.

===Robo Bobo===
===Divide By Six===
:'''One''': ''[Speaking through Rex]'' Six.
:'''Six''': One?
:'''One''': You left this place, quit life as a mercenary and so rarely returned to visit.
:'''Six''': I did what I felt was right, I never meant to dishonor.
:'''One''': So rarely, that I never had time to tell you how proud you've made me.
:'''Six''': ''[Takes off his glasses for the first time in the series]'' We're going to help you. We're going to take you home.
:'''One''': But Six, I  am home. ''[Rex falls unconscious while One's body starts changing. Eventually his body dissolves and fertilizes the entire island to its former splendor]''
: '''Six:''' He's still One. He's just one with everything.
===Mixed Signals===
: '''Rex:''' Whoa, big guy! Someone needs to ease off on the cheeseburgers.
: '''Six:''' Skip the insults. Start the containment.
: '''Rex:''' Like its feelings are going to get hurt. One bad and ugly going down. What?
: '''Six:''' Rex? Rex!
: '''Rex:''' Cool!
: '''Six:''' You want to explain this?
: '''Rex:''' I don't know. It's like some weird vision of this thing filled my head, then built itself out of me. Maybe the vision came from Blobbo. Maybe it's trying to talk to me. Come on, big boy. Send me some more pictures. What's on your mind?
: '''Six:''' Groceries. That's what's on its mind.
: '''Rex:''' I'm skipping. I'm over it. That vision must have been a fluke.
: '''Six:''' All right, then. We're going with a two-prong attack. Use caution. This kind of EVO might be a splitter. Rex! Snap out of it!
: '''Rex:''' Whoa! Whoa! Ha! I wasn't supposed to do that, right?
: '''Six:''' Rex, I want you back at HQ.
: '''Rex:''' But I feel okay now. And we've got, um-- Two blobs to put down.
: '''Six:''' Now!
: '''Holiday:''' No trace of any recent electrochemical or DNA abnormalities. Everything reads normal.
: '''Rex:''' But it's like the visions were being transmitted, and I was seeing it from a nanite point of view.
: '''Holiday:''' I can't track it, Rex. There's no sign of signal displacement or a nano disturbance. Maybe we should consider the possibility that this is psychological.
: '''Rex:''' Huh? Pizza.
: '''Holiday:''' I think he's having another vision.
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Of lunch?
: '''Rex:''' With pineapple and salmon.
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Blech! He is nuts.
: '''Holiday:''' Aside from a strange choice in pizza toppings, all readings are normal. I can't explain it.
: '''Rex:''' Well, if my nanites are trying to get me to build something, maybe we should give them what they want.
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Whatever it is, I'm not eating it. Is that my electric toothbrush?
: '''Rex:''' It better not be the one I've been using.
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Oh.
: '''Rex:''' This is what I'm seeing in my head. As stupid as it looks. It's like someone or something is sending me instructions to build some big device.
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Or build a pizza with pineapple and salmon.
: '''Rex:''' Okay. I'm not sure about that vision.
: '''Holiday:''' Is that my hairdryer?
: '''Rex:''' I just need to figure out what it does. Maybe it's a time machine. Or-- Or alien technology!
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Maybe it's just a big pile of junk. Or a way to order a really awful pizza.
: '''Contraption Voice:''' Target acquired.
: '''Holiday:''' Rex!
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Wake up!
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Provindece Soldier #1:''' Hey, where do you think you're going? We've got a security breach. Front floor.
: '''Providence Soldier #2:''' Lockdown protocols enabled. All hands report to duty station. Security speed, take position.
: '''Rex:''' Sorry, guys. I might be a little... late.
: '''Caesar:''' Case compression. Release.
: '''Rex:''' Figures I'd build a machine with a serious attitude problem.
: '''Caesar:''' ''[taking off his helmet and turns to Rex]'' Rex, is that you?
: '''Rex:''' Who’s asking?
: '''Caesar:''' It’s me, Caesar, your brother! Mijo! ''[Hugs Rex]'' You're alive and... older. ''[Rex is dumbfounded]'' Uh. Atomic clock was right... ''[spanish accent]'' Es una problema grande.
: '''Rex:''' Uh, yeah. ''[Pushes Caesar]'' It is a big problem.
: '''Caesar:''' What is this place? Who are you people? ''[to Rex]'' I'm getting you out of here!
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Sorry, amigo. Put your hands up. Or don't. I got a clear shot either way.
: '''Caesar:''' ''[is looking at Bobo]'' A talking chimp?
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Don't bother. I've heard all the jokes.
: '''Caesar:''' Have they hurt you? Are you okay? Stand aside.
: '''Rex:''' Hello? Do I get a say in this?
: '''Holiday:''' If you're part of some elaborate plan to kidnap Rex, then you failed.
: '''Caesar:''' Listen, bonita, you don't wanna make me use this.
: '''Rex:''' ''[gets in between them]'' Enough! Normally around here when someone barges in talking crazy, they get around into the deck plates by my giant fists. But you seem legit. I'm going with him.
: '''Holiday:''' Rex!
: '''Rex:''' Okay, brother. Lead the way. So if you are my brother, where have you been all this time?
: '''Caesar:''' I'll explain later when we're safe.
: '''Rex:''' Uh, this is Providence. We are safe. Usually.
: '''Caesar:''' Providence? Never heard of it. To be honest, the last five years has been a bit of a blur.
: '''Rex:''' I want to believe you, but I'm gonna need some proof.
: '''Caesar:''' Your name is Rex Salazar. Our parents are Violetta and Raphael. The last time I saw you was at the Applied Nanite Research Lab in Abysus; right before those fools triggered a replication cycle.
: '''Rex:''' And I have total amnesia so, for all I know, that could be completely bogus.
: '''Caesar:''' There's a scar on the back of your left knee you got when you were seven, riding the gantry arm in the reactor annex.
: '''Rex:''' Hmm. I always wondered how I got that.
:''[they go out and Rex notices Caesar Salazar's pod laboratory]''
: '''Rex:''' Whoa. Nice wheels.
: '''Six:''' ''[Comes out and unsheathed his swords]'' Don't even think about it.
: ''[Caesar is about to attack but Rex stops him]''
: '''Rex:''' It's okay. Six isn't going to hurt you. Right, Six? You're comming in a little late on this, but, uh, this is Caesar, my brother, and he wants to get me out of here. So, let's just let my brother have his way and see where this all goes. Wherever you plan on going, they're going to follow us. You know that, right?
: '''Caesar:''' They can try.
: '''Rex:''' I don't know. Providence ship are pretty fast.
: '''Six:''' Track Rex's bio signature and find out who that guy really is.
: '''Rex:''' You ain't kidding. This thing moves fast. A-are we in the arctic?
: '''Caesar:''' How do you think I got to your location so quickly once the locator signaled me?
: '''Rex:''' Locator? You sent me the schematics to build that thing? It tried to crush me like a bug!
: '''Caesar:''' Sorry, mijo. I wasn't really trying to hurt. ''[scans Rex's body]'' I was looking for what's hiding inside of you. ''[showing Rex the result]'' The Omega One Nanite.
: '''Rex:''' That thing? Holiday discovered it before. We had no idea what it was.
: '''Caesar:''' I sent signal instructions for the Omega One to track and contain. But since the nanite has integrated into your DNA, you became the conduit for building the machine. What I don't get is how the Omega One got inside of you. Rylander was supposed to have that under lock and key.
: '''Rex:''' Rylander? He's the one who put it inside me.
: '''Caesar:''' Why would he do a thing like that? I'm really gonna have to let old fool have it when I see him.
: '''Rex:''' Not possible-- Courtesy of Van Kleiss.
: '''Caesar:''' Van Kleiss?! What does that third-rate lab hack have to do with this?
: '''Rex:''' What? I guess I’m not the only one who needs an update. Where have you been?
: '''Caesar:''' It's a long story-- actually, short by my clock. A splinter group had formed at the lab. They had other ideas about how the nanites would be used. We tried to stop them, and you were hurt. The only way to save your life was an infusion of nanites. It was risky, but it worked. We thought that'd be enough to stop the others, make them see the right path. But we were wrong. Mom and Dad were in the reactor. As for me, I managed to escape in my lab. But the shock wave, the same shock wave that probably blanked your memory.... also interfered with engine that powers this pod. I was stuck in sub-light drive.
: '''Rex:''' How long?
: '''Caesar:''' Fifteen minutes. That's how long it took me to reboot the system. But at the speed I was going, it was 5 years of your time. I knew there was an accident, but I had no idea how bad. My nanite sensors were off the charts. My 1st priority was to insure the OM-1 was safe. That was our promise. And here we are. So, what have I missed these past five years?
: '''Rex:''' Providence? We need to talk. They can wait.
: '''Caesar:''' So let me understand, there are EVOs and Van Kleiss claimed as their leader?
: '''Rex:''' Well, not for all of them, yet. I want to know about me, about our parents.
: '''Caesar:''' They were scientists. We lived all over the world. Things settled down when you came along. That was in Geneva.
: '''Rex:''' Wait a second. Are you saying I'm Swiss?
: ''Caesar:'' Not really. Mother was born in Mexico City. Father in Buenos Aires.
: '''Rex:''' And they're really... gone? ''[Caesar slowly nods sadly]''
: '''Rex:''' Um, where exactly did this ship take us?
: '''Caesar:''' What do you know?We're back at the original lab site.
: '''Rex:''' You mean the one in Abysus?
: '''Caesar:''' Is that a problem?
: '''Rex:''' I'd say just a small one. We should go, like now.
: '''Caesar:''' ''[typing]'' Hmm... Must be low on charge.  ''[walks out the door]'' We may be stuck, but on the bright side, I can take a look at some of these variegated organisms. ''[goes out]''
: '''Rex:''' Caesar! Wait!
: ''[outside and observing the EVOs]''
: '''Caesar:''' Fascinating. We theorized mutations might occur but never anything this random.
: ''[Rex hits the EVO before they got near Caesar]''
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Sorry, bro, but these guys--
: ''[Rex hits another EVO]''
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Usually don't sit still for questions.
: '''Caesar:''' ''[seeing Rex's new build]'' Hmm... That's new.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Guess I've learned a--
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' A few tricks. But they still won't be enough if Van Kleiss shows up with all his goons. Six!
: '''Six:'''We're locked onto you. The keep is already on its way.
: '''Rex:''' Your ship may be out of juice, but I'm not. Hop on. I can get us out of here.
: '''Caesar:''' I won't leave my lab, and you definitely don't want Van Kleiss getting his hands on some of the things in here. I'll try to reroute the capacitors to an alternate power source.
: '''Caesar:''' Oh, you wanna see a photo of you, me, and papi? Maybe later.
: '''Rex:''' You're a little off, aren't you, Caesar? 
: '''Biowulf:''' What was that machine it flew off with?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' A laboratory. One I thought I'd never see again. It seems an old friend has returned-Caesar.
: '''Rex:''' Providence isn't so bad now, eh, hermano?
: '''Caesar:''' Is this a Grinnell? They always made good consoles, except for the random power surges.
: '''Six:''' Well?
: '''Rex:''' Everything's cool. He's a little kooky, but I'm pretty sure he's my brother.
: '''Six:''' Glad to hear it. Now I need you back. We still have some unfinished business.
: '''Rex:''' Got to get back to work.
: '''Caesar:''' My little brother, the hero. I remember when you just wanted to be a musician.
: '''Rex:''' Guitar? No, wait drums.
: '''Caesar:''' Accordion.
: '''Rex:''' You got to be kidding me!
: '''Six:''' As I recall, you started it.
: '''Rex:''' Huh?
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Six:''' The EVO is dividing faster than we can contain it. The city is being evacuated.
: '''Caesar:''' Hmm. Excuse me, admiral. I need you to take me down there immediately. Afraid I'll have to insist.
: '''Six:''' Rex!
: '''Rex:''' Are you crazy?!
: '''Caesar:''' Depends on who you ask. I had something in my lab that I thought could help.
: '''Six:''' Help? You're not even supposed to be outside the keep.
: '''Rex:''' WHOO-HOO! Way to go, bro! First day on the job, and you already got a save!
: '''Six:''' Job?
: '''Rex:''' Oh, come on, admit it, Six. He just saved our chicharrones.
: ''[Caesar laughs]''
: '''Rex:''' What? What's so funny?
: '''Caesar:''' You always make me laugh when you try to speak Spanish.
: '''Holiday:''' We've pulled his records, and I've confirmes his DNA. It seems Rex really does have a brother.
: '''White Knight:''' If everything I've read about him is true, he could be an incredible asset to Providence.
: '''Six:''' Or a major liability.
: '''White Knight:''' All the more reason to keep him with us. Give him whatever he needs.
: '''Holiday:''' White's right, Six. He knows more about nanites than anyone on the planet. He helped invent them.
: '''Six:''' My point exactly. He's settling in?
: '''Rex:''' I guess so. Caesar's a little strange. Hard to believe he's actually my brother.
: '''Six:''' I'm happy for you, Rex. You always said you wanted to find your family.
: '''Rex:''' Thanks, but... You know that? I already did. Caesar may be my brother, but you, Holiday, Bobo, you're who I have a connection with.
: '''Bobo:''' Aww, now, see, I'm getting all misty.
: '''Caesar:''' There you are. Hmm. Nice view. Say, mijo, you think your cafeteria could whip up a pizza with pineapple and salmon? I've been craving one for days.
: '''Bobo:''' Connection, huh?

===Outpost===
:'''Valentina:''' Ugh! We were returning them to their natural habitat! What Providence does is wrong and against the natural order of things! You're a traitor to your own kind.
:'''Rex:''' That's creature's job is to ''exterminate'' mankind! It wanted to kill you!

===Haunted===
===Moonlighting===
===Without a Paddle===

===Written in Sand===
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, I need an uptade.
:'''Rex''': I'm right at the edge. Anything still alive in there is trying to get away from the sandstorm.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': It's not the storm they're running from. The nanites inside them are forcing the animals away. It's creating a kind of nanite-free zone.
:'''Rex''': Ha! We should call White Knight. Maybe he'll move here and leave us all alone.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': It's no laughing matter, Rex. It could be the most significant development since the original nanite event.
:'''Rex''': Yeah, yeah. Possible cures save the world-- Got it. I'll check it out.
:'''Bobo''': Hey, doc. You may wanna get a load of this over here.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Negative. The storm is moving in too fast. Just place a sensor and pack it in.
:'''Rex''': Hey. No. It couldn't be. Rex to base. We got trouble of the egomaniacal EVO kind.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Van Kleiss is here? Why am I not surprised?
:'''Rex''': I think the real question is, if everything else is in such a race to get out, why is he going on? 
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, wait.
:'''Rex''': Don't worry, doc. It's me. What could possibly happen?
:'''Skalamander''': RARGH! PTUH! They're nothing but dirt.
:'''Biowulf''': My senses-- Useless in all this sand.
:'''Van Kleiss''': This phenomenon deserves my personal attention. What we seek is nearby. I can feel it pushing against me.
:'''Rex''': ''[Rex emerges from the sand storm]'' Yeah?
:''[Skalamander grunts]''
:'''Rex''': ''[Rex kicks Skalamander]'' How about kicking against you, too?
:'''Van Kleiss''': Rex! You're not welcome here.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex''': Now, that hurt my feelings!
:''[Rex groaning]''
:''[Skalamander pins him to the sand, causing him to groan in pain]''
:''[Skalamander laughs]''
:'''Rex''': Aaah! Whoa!
:'''Van Kleiss''': If I never see your face again, It will be too soon!
:'''Rex''': Yeah? The feeling's-- Whoa! Mutual!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex? Rex, do you read me?
:''[Bobo coughing]''
:'''Bobo''': Okay, we gotta get outta here. I got sand in places I didn't even know I had places.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, if you can hear me, we're retreating to the safe zone. Rendezvous with us there.
:'''Rex''': AAAAH! WHOA-OHHHHHHH!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Rex coughs]''
:'''Rex''': Okay, Kleiss-- Go time! No EVO allies, just you and-- Whoa! Uh, sorry, buddy. Didn't mean to bring you along for the ride.
:'''Van Kleiss''': I don't need my EVO allies, when I can simply make more.
:'''Rex''': Don't get me wrong-- I love punching stuff. But anything you can do, I can undo better! We can do this all day. Or you can just spill it.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex''': Why are you causing this nanite-free zone?
:'''Van Kleiss''': How convenient it must be to make me the root of all evil. I'm not causing it. I've come to discover the source and destroy it.
:'''Rex''': This could be the cure to nanites.
:'''Van Kleiss''': And I live off nanites. What Providence calls a cure, I call death.
:'''Rex''': Really? Haven't we moved past this?
:'''Van Kleiss''': Huh?
:''[Van Kleiss grunts]''
:''[After Van Kleiss creates a scorpion EVO to attack Rex, it attacks him instead.]''
:'''Rex''': That is the funniest thing I have ever seen! Hang on-- I got to get this on video. ''[Takes out cell phone and starts recording Van Kleiss dodging the scorpion EVO.]''
:''[Van Kleiss panting]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': Something's wrong. I should be controlling this creature.
:'''Rex''': Stinks to be you. Huh? You ruined my shot!
:'''Van Kleiss''': I believe we've found something more interesting.
:'''Rex''': You like to point out the obvious, don't you?
:'''Bobo''': Don't get me wrong-- I love the kid, but if we don't pull stakes now, we'll be combing dust outta all sorts of places for years.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Too late. Hold on to everything that's not tied down. This is going to be a bumpy... ride.
:'''Six''': Holiday? I trust you're all right?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': I'm fine, Six. But Rex is still out there-- With Van Kleiss. I can't reach him.
:'''Six''': We'll prep a rescue party. Prepare to come aboard.
:'''Rex''': Hey!
:'''Van Kleiss''': This is not simply a nanite-free zone. Something is stealing the nanites from our bodies. If we linger here too long, we may both find ourselves defenseless against the other.
:'''Rex''': Well, then, we'd better blow this joint. And when I say &quot;we&quot; I mean &quot;me&quot;.
:''[Rex tries to escape and fails]''
:'''Rex''': AAAAAAAAH!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': If either of us is to escape this place, we will have to work together.
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex''': What exactly are you suggesting?
:'''Van Kleiss''': A temporary truce.
:'''Rex''': An extremely temporary truce.
:'''Van Kleiss''': We'll work our way to the center of the nanite storm.
:'''Rex''': No, we work our way out of the nanite storm and get Providence in here to figure out what's happening.
:'''Van Kleiss''': Providence? They can't be trusted.
:'''Rex''': Them? Didn't you try to take over New York? And Europe? And the world?
:'''Van Kleiss''': You need to listen to me, Rex. Without a powers, you're nothing but a child.
:'''Rex''': Oh, yeah? Truce over! Okay. This is awkward. Hey, is it just me, or are you getting really dust?
:'''Van Kleiss''': It's happening faster than I thought.
:'''Rex''': What's happening faster? If you know something, you'd better spit it out, or-- Whoa! It all looks fossilized. Like it's made completely out of... sand.
:'''Van Kleiss''': Not only are there no nanites here, this is pure silicone. There are no other elements-- No carbon, calcium, hydrogen. It appears that this zone not only destroys nanites, but is--
:'''Rex''': Squeezing the life from the Earth. This isn't sand. This is me!
:''[Rex whimpering]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': These glyphs-- There's something familiar about them. Sumatran? Mesopotamian?
:'''Rex''': Less geeking, more escaping!
:'''Van Kleiss''': We need to find the epicenter of this maze. These glyphs may hold the answer.
:'''Rex''': Only if one says &quot;exit sign.&quot;
:'''Van Kleiss''': No need to panic, Rex. We have at least twenty minutes before fossilization-- Give or take.
:'''Rex''': &quot;Don't panic&quot;-- Says the guy who used to be dirt.
:''[Van Kleiss grunts]''
:'''Rex''': We're turning into walking litter boxes, and you're checking out caveman graffiti? No wonder I'm always kicking your butt.
:'''Van Kleiss''': You don't have an investigative bone in your body, do you? So strongheaded-- Just like your mother. ''[Rex is silent]'' No, you don't like that, do you-- That I know more about you than you do?
:'''Rex''': Skip the head games. Isn't exactly a good time.
:'''Van Kleiss''': No, but perhaps it is time for some truth. We may perish down here, Rex. Ask me anything you want about the past, and I'll answer it.
:'''Rex''': ''[looks at his own slowly fossilizing body]'' Sell it somewhere else. I'm not buying.
:''[walks away]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': Oh, so the great and powerful Providence has finally come through on their promise to help you remember your past.
:'''Rex''': Something better-- Someone who was actually there at the Nanite Event.
:'''Van Kleiss''': Aha. Your brother, Caesar.
:''[Van Kleiss chuckles evilly]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': I've been following you both very closely since his... miraculous reappearance. Even if you don't want to hear what I have to say, this one's for free. Do not place your trust in Caesar. He's not the man you believe him to be.
:'''Rex''': ''[creates his BFS and holds it at Van Kleiss' throat]'' What are you getting at?
:'''Van Kleiss''': Oh, no, no. That's not how this works. It isn't my turn. Quid pro quo, Rex. If you want to know more-- Why don't we start with something simple? Rylander's Omega Nanite. I know it's inside you.
:'''White Knight''': Status uptade?
:'''Six''': Still no fix on Rex. Scanners can't cut through the storm, so we're moving in to stage a recon.
:'''White Knight''': I will not risk everyone on board that ship for one agent. Not even that agent.
:''[Holiday subtly ends the call. Then to Six]''
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Whoops. Guess the satellite feed went down. Nasty sand.
:''[Six smirks]''
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Caesar? Wanted you to know we haven’t found him yet.
:'''Caesar''': Found who?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex.
:'''Caesar''': Right. Ah. Sorry. That was, uh, fifteen minutes ago. I've done about five hundred task since then. Try calibrating the keep's sensors to search for traces of Selenium. It's something Rex naturally gives off, like dandruff.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': I-- Really? Hmm. Okay, thanks.
:'''Van Kleiss''': So what you're saying is, the motor runs off of gravity and the only exhausts are atoms of selenium.
:'''Rex''': Now you. Squid Pro... Whatever. The nanites, the Event. What started all this?
:'''Van Kleiss''': He didn't tell you? I'm not surprised. It was Caesar.
:''[Rex pushes Van Kleiss to nearest wall and take out his BFS once again]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': Wasteful, Rex.
:'''Rex''': You're lying!
:'''Van Kleiss''': Hardly. Your brother is responsible for the most significant catastrophe in human history. You have to admit that as brilliant as Caesar is, he's... not quite right. Am I telling you something that you haven't already noticed?
:''[Rex groans]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex''': HAAAH!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Van Kleiss coughing]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': You seem to have awoken some sort of defense mechanism.
:'''Rex''': What are they defending? Rocks?
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': Before we're totally devoid of nanites, we need to end this now-- Together.
:'''Rex''': Back to back!
:'''Van Kleiss''': What?
:'''Rex''': Haven't you ever read a comic book? Back to back! No way. These markings-- They're not hieroglyphics. They're circuit boards. This whole cave, this valley-- It's one giant circuit board. These are data conduits-- Ms. Hubs!
:'''Van Kleiss''': You're right. These spirals are solid-state storage-- The standard design for a firewall in a CPU.
:'''Rex''': Did you just say I'm right? Now that I know what we're dealing with, it's a simple matter of-- Hacking in. This is malo-- Muy malo. Van Kleiss, meet the psycho computer who calls herself--
:'''Van Kleiss''': Zag-RS?
:'''Rex''': How do you know that? ''[Zag-RS notices them and attacks them]'' You know Zag-RS? How?
:'''Van Kleiss''': She was designed as a decontamination program at the original nanite laboratory. Her task was to destroy any rogue nanites that escaped from the holding tanks.
:'''Rex''': She did a great job. Whoever designed her should be taken out and beaten with a tendril.
:'''Van Kleiss''': Caesar designed her.
:'''Rex''': I'm gonna have to have a chat with my brother when this is over.
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': Focus, you fool. If we're to survive this, we have to use whatever nanites we have left to shut her down.
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex''': No problemo! Ah, come on! Stay up! Show off!
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex''': Well, this bites.
:''[Rex straining]''
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex''': Didn't I leave you in orbit? Shouldn't you have burned up in re-entry or something?
:'''Zag-RS''': Re-entry resulted in a hard desert landing. This unit faced complete system failure. Salvation came from integration with the host space station power cell, where new initiatives were established.
:'''Rex''': Turning the world into a sandbox?
:'''Zag-RS''': Correct. The prevention of organic infection by elimination of organic matter and securing the Earth core system. Soon, this world will function without flaw.
:'''Rex''': Van Kleiss! Change of plan! While, I've got Zaggy occupied, you go and warn Providence before it's too late!
:'''Van Kleiss''': There's no time. Her strength is growing exponentially. To achieve victory, you must trust me.
:'''Rex''': Trust you?! That's comedy gold! Even if I was that big of a doof, neither one of us had enough power to fight back!
:'''Van Kleiss''': That's not entirely true.
:'''Rex''': Huh?
:'''Van Kleiss''': I've not been completely honest with you.
:'''Rex''': Stunned-- Really.
:'''Van Kleiss''': The Omega Nanite within you has a self-replicating program. You can create your own nanites.
:'''Rex''': What?! Why didn't you tell me!
:'''Van Kleiss''': A calculated emission.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex''': No way.
:'''Van Kleiss''': There-- That is the heart of Zag-RS. Strike while you can!
:'''Rex''': Oh, yeah! Now we're talking! Normally, I don't fight girls, but this time I'll make... A big... giant... robot exception!
:'''Dr. Holiday''': I found him, Six-- twenty kilometers northeast. There's a huge spike in trace selenium.
:'''Six''': Charge all weapons.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': The storm's starting to break. But please don't crash.
:'''Rex''': YAAAH!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex''': That's not fair! It worked in the movie!
:''[Rex whimpers]''
:''[Rex groaning]''
:'''Rex''': AAAH!
:'''Zag-RS''': You have miscalculated, human. The more nanites you replicate, the more energy you supply me. 7.5 seconds until I overtake your production.
:''[Van Kleiss grunts]''
:'''Zag-RS''': 4.3 seconds.
:'''Van Kleiss''': AAAAAAAAAH!
:'''Rex''': YAAAAAAH! One psycho robot down, one supervillain to chicken! Finally!
:'''Bobo''': What, you never heard the term &quot;fashionably late&quot;?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Your nanite-replicating function seems to be working well. Most of Zag-RS' alterations have been expunged.
:'''Rex''': Meaning... What?
:'''Bobo''': You ain't gonna wash away at high tide.
:'''Caesar''': This is my design.
:'''Rex''': Great-- My brother created Zag-RS.
:'''Caesar''': Evidently. Though her evolution into some sort of sentient nanite-slayer is most curious.
:'''Six''': Curious?
:'''Rex''': What about what Van Kleiss said?
:'''Caesar''': You mean I'm to blame for the original nanite event? Why don't we ask her? Wait! Interface protocols. Code designate Zag-RS. Respond.
:'''Zag-RS''': Dr. Salazar. Good morning. How may I assist you?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Stand down, gentlemen. Zag-RS has been successfully rebooted. But her memory has been wiped clean.
:'''Rex''': What? You got to be kidding me!
:'''Caesar''': That's interesting. Hmm. Van Kleiss must have implemented a program dump before he left you. It's the only logical conclusion.
:'''Rex''': Program dump?
:'''Van Kleiss''': Do not place your trust in Caesar. He's not the man you believe him to be.
:'''Rex''': Great. So now all we've got is a lame decontamination program with a GPS lady's voice?
:'''Caesar''': GPS lady? Hardly.
:'''Rex:''' I was making a joke.
:'''Caesar''': Don't you recognize it? When I programmed her, I wanted a voice that meant safety, protection, caring. Rex, this is our mother's voice.
:'''Rex''': ''[shocked]'' Mama?

===Night Falls===
: '''Rex:''' If she's not really our grandmother, why are you calling her ''aubuela''?
: '''Caesar:''' There may not be a biological connection but she practically ran the entire town. When you were a boy, you spent every summer here.
: '''Rex:''' I wish I could remember...or any of this.
===Hard Target===
: '''Rex:''' &quot;It's Breach! She's-&quot;
: '''Circe:''' &quot;Messing with you, Rex. Did you actually see on her the other side?&quot;
: '''Rex:''' &quot;Well, no but...OK, why Hong Kong?&quot;
: '''Circe:''' &quot;Because it's on the other side of the world, because she's seriously messed up.&quot;
: '''Cricket:'''&quot; Kind of like our place.&quot; 
: '''Circe:''' &quot;Trust me. She's back in Abysus laughing it off with the rest of the Pack. Besides, I'm not that easy to find.&quot;
: (''Removes the white towel to reveal her shoulder-length black hair partly dyed a deep plum and having donned a dark gray overall dress'')
: '''Rex:''' &quot;OK, Rex. Bad intro. Take a do-over. Like the new look.&quot;
: '''Circe:''' &quot;Wow. A compliment.&quot;
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Skywdd:''' &quot;And that's when Circe goes all [[w:Siren (mythology)|siren]] and blasts the bus driver's pants clean off.&quot;
:'''Circe:''' &quot;Lucky shot. Hit the exact frequency of polyester.&quot;
:'''Tuck:''' &quot;Good thing his boxers were cotton.&quot;
:'''Rex''' (''uncomfortable'')''':''' &quot;Good one. Uh, Circe, remember when you took down that sea monster in Cabo Luna?&quot;
:'''Circe:''' &quot;Please, Rex, I'd rather not remember that right now.&quot;
:'''Skywdd:''' Geez, Rex. Buzzkill.&quot;
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' &quot;Stop it.&quot;
:'''Skywdd:''' &quot;What's with him?&quot;
:'''Circe:''' &quot;Breach lag. Let clean over his bedtime.&quot;
:'''Rex:''' &quot;That and my early morning snooze. By the way, you were right. Breach wasn't after you. She freed Quarry. Got this from the Providence security feed.&quot;
:'''Skywdd:''' &quot;Quarry?&quot;
:'''Tuck:''' &quot;He's lose?&quot;
:'''Cricket:''' &quot;Oh no.&quot;
:'''Circe:''' &quot;You saw Breach and came back ''here!'' What if she followed you!?&quot;
:'''Rex:''' &quot;Don't worry. If Breach were here, I'd feel it. She's here.&quot;
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Breach:''' &quot;Hey, girlfriend.&quot;
: '''Circe:''' &quot;Get out of here, Breach!&quot;
: '''Breach:''' &quot;But Van Kleiss has so been wanting to chat.&quot;
: '''Circe:''' &quot;Then deliver a message for him! &quot;
: (''Uses her ultrasonic bursts on Breach, who creates a portal behind her, knocking her out with her own sonic abilities)''
: '''Rex:''' &quot;Let her go, Breach!!&quot;
: '''Breach:''' &quot;Oh, sorry, Rex. She's gonna save my skin. V.K.'s tough on failure, remember?&quot;
: (''Teleports away with an unconscious Circe on her shoulder'')
: '''Rex:''' &quot;NO!!&quot;
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' &quot;Hold that thought. You can come out now. I got that creeped out feeling.&quot;
:'''Breach:''' &quot;Peek a boo.&quot;
: '''Skwydd:''' &quot;It's her!'' She took Circe.&quot;
: '''Rex:''' But not to Van Kleiss. You never went to Abysus, did you? You slipped her into your little pocket dimension. Let her go, Breach!
: '''Breach:''' And I agree to that...why?
: '''Rex:''' &quot;Because you wouldn't want Van Kleiss to see this. I'm thinking a trade is in order.&quot;
: (''Breach releases Circe, who is caught by Skwydd'')
: '''Circe:''' &quot;I hate you, Breach.&quot;

===A Family Holiday===
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' The pace of study has been staggeringly slow. There have been no significant advancements in nanite research since the original event. Simply put, Providence is not doing enough. What is required is not a military response, but a serious, thoughtful reaction, a scientific answer. The poor and afflicted deserve more. The world, deserves more. Let me introduce Diane. Mother of three. Diane has been diagnosed as incurable, a lost cause. Since then, she's been treated like an animal, locked away from her family... No hope on the horizon. Until now. At Moses Labs, we don't rely on tanks, guns, or secret weapons-- Only an unwavering belief that whatever science breaks, science can fix. Welcome back, Diane.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Happy birthday, little sister.
:'''Rex:''' Hope that I paid the bills. This is going to be expensive.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Caesar:''' Release the hounds.
:''[a door opens revealing some Evo hounds]''
:'''Rex:''' Huh? Whoa!
:'''Bobo Haha:''' Heh! I thought that was just a figure of speech. You're a sick puppy.
:'''Rex:''' Aah! Not cool, bro!
:''[Rex panting]''
:'''Rex:''' ''[Spanish accent]'' Agua, por favor.
:'''Caesar:''' Water second, probes first.
:'''Rex:''' No offense, but being a guinea pig is a lot less fun when it's you instead of Holiday.
:'''Caesar:''' Don't I run the biometric tests with the same efficiency?
:'''Rex:''' How are we related? Have you looked at Holiday?
:'''Bobo Haha:''' She ain't my species and even I know she's a hottie.
:'''Caesar:''' She is... very smart.
:'''Rex:''' Where is the Doc anyway? She usually can't wait to get her hands on me.
:'''Bobo Haha:''' Saw her this morning, looking pretty grim.
:'''Agent Six:''' It's her sister. Her sister's birthday to be precise. Holiday gets introspective this time of year.
:'''Caesar:''' Her sister? Oh, is she smart too?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Hey guys. Can't talk. Hangar!
:'''Bobo Haha:''' Ah, human dames. I don't know how you guys keep up.
:''[Dr. Holiday pants]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Thank you for coming, Dr. Moses. It's a genuine honor.
:'''Rex:''' Who the heck is that guy? Why is Holiday acting all fangirl around him?
:'''Caesar:''' It's Dr. Brandon Moses, the leading researcher in technogenic transmorphing! If anyone's going to develop a kill  for EVOs, it's going to be him!
:'''Bobo Haha:''' Now, that's actin' fan-girl.
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Not the worst I've seen.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Can you help her?
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Beverly would be an excellent candidate for my treatments. Have her transported to my facility.
:'''Rex:''' Hold up! I know you have a bunch of letters after your name, but curing EVOs is what I do. Some of them--
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Some you just can't handle, Rex. Dr. Moses' research goes to places you don't, so if you don't mind-- 10 minutes, then we'll be in the air. Thank you, doctor. I've earned 5 years' worth of personal time, Knight. I plan to use it all. 
:'''White Knight:''' I don't like it, but I like your sister even less. Go for your &quot;cure&quot;, Holiday. But if it doesn't work, don't bring her back.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Agent Six:''' What do you really know about Dr. Moses?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I know what I saw.
:'''Agent Six:''' You're not taking her to the doctor for a checkup. Has he handed you supporting data?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Why won't you let me have this? It's the first glimmer of hope I've had since Rex got here.
:'''Agent Six''': I think you've lost your objectivity. If you can't help her--
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' That's the point! I can't! I need this cure. If you won't help me, stay out of my way!
:'''Rex:''' Any chance she's right?
:'''Agent Six:''' Hope she is.
:'''Rex:''' But we're not going to sit around and do nothing in case she's wrong, right? Today you're my sidekick-- Not a fashion-challenged soccer mom blocking my mojo. If there's any chance of playing hero for Holiday, I call dibs.
:'''Security guard:''' Dr. Moses' inventions are not for public viewing-- Especially not by Providence.
:''[Security guard grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' That &quot;soccer mom&quot; comment really got to you, huh? When did science geeks start packing heat? Huh?
:'''Agent Six:''' Check the machine.
:'''Rex:''' I'm no engineer, but as far as I can tell, all this thing does is light up and go &quot;ping&quot;. They never cured it! This was a scam!
:'''Agent Six:''' Holiday's in trouble. Holiday, Moses is a fraud. There is no cure!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' What's going on here? Moses, what is this?
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Business, Dr. Holiday-- Big business. Now, if you wouldn't mind stepping aside so I can collect your sister--
:'''Agent Six:''' Holiday?! What's happening?!
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Or don't step aside. I'm good either way.
:'''Agent Six:''' Holiday! We've got our coordinates. Go!
:'''Rex:''' It's a hundred miles away!
:'''Agent Six:''' Correct.
:'''Rex:''' Hold on to your swords, old man!
:''[Dr. Holiday grunts]:''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I trusted you!
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' A bad trait, a scientist. But look on the bright side-- You won't be locked in a cell anymore. That was just... Shameful.
:'''Rex:''' Be the hero. Be the hero. Be the--
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' ...Zero. You'll be a lot less grouchy in a few seconds, pal. Half cured? That's new.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' They've got Beverly.
:'''Rex:''' You wanna talk to her?
:'''Agent Six:''' Now's not the time.
:'''Rex:''' And when exactly is. She needs a friend, Six.
:'''Agent Six:''' I... prefer to keep it professional. Keeps people from getting hurt.
:'''Rex:''' Dude. Take off the sunglasses. She's already hurting. If I were you--
:''[Six gets a radio signal]''
:'''Agent Six:''' If you were me, you'd have a lead. Get Holiday. Dust off in 3.
:'''Rex:''' Where are we going?
:'''Agent Six:''' Moses may be a genius but not because he can cure EVOs. He overpowers them-- Hypercharges the nanites with excess energy to push their transformations.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' That's why Rex only partially cured that EVO he stripped the EVO of its extra power. But at its core, it was still incurable.
:'''Rex:''' We learned something new today. Great.
:'''Agent Six:''' Gets worse. Moses has turned his tech into a cottage industry. He takes incurables and weaponizes them to sell to the highest bidder.
:'''Rex:''' Don't sugarcoat it, Six.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' How did you find this out?
:'''Agent Six:''' I called some former associates-- People who know things, things that good people shouldn't know about.
:'''White Knight:''' Question-- Why is my keep on an unapproved mission?
:'''Rex:''' It's cool, Knight. We're helping Holiday.
:'''White Knight:''' No! We had a deal! Return to base immediately!
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It's over guys. I can't drag you down because of my mistake. I won't.
:'''Agent Six:''' Keep returning to base.
:''[Knight ends the transmission]''
:'''Agent Six:''' I said the keep is returning to base. I didn't say we'd be on the keep.
:'''Rex:''' You okay?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Hanging in there.
:'''Rex:''' Hanging in there is good. I don't like to see you unhappy, you know. I-I mean--
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I know what you mean. Thanks.
:'''Agent Six:''' Better luck next time.
:''[Rex gasps]''
:'''Rex:''' Jealous much, sidekick?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Who is that?
:'''Rex:''' Someone who knows things good people shouldn't.
:'''Five:''' Machine boy! Like the new ax? You owe me for the last one.
:'''Agent Six:''' We'll talk music later, Five. You have word on Moses?
:'''Five:''' Five don't lie. Your guy is running an auction-- Tonight.
:'''Agent Six:''' I owe you.
:'''Five:''' She's a lot more beautiful than you let on, Six. Try not to screw it up this time.
:'''Agent Six:''' You coming?
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' The EVO is the military ordinance of the future. We all know it. You drop one of these babies into your neighbor's backyard, and it's game over. But to get the most annihilation out of your nanites... you need me.
:'''Human EVO:''' You promised to cure!
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' My technology not only amps up their abilities, but, for an extra charge, will modify their behavior to suit your needs. What am I bid for this army of one?
:'''Agent Six:''' ''[Bursting in]'' I'll open with extradition for crimes against humanity!
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' ''[to his bidders]'' Wait! This is just a minor disturbance.
:''[Moses groans]''
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' ''[to Holiday]'' Do you know what you just cost me, all for one hopless wreck?!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[Holiday hits Moses]'' Her name is Beverly.
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Then give sissy a hug.
:'''Dr Holiday:''' No! Don't hurt her, Rex!
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, sure. Handle with care. Whoa! Can you tell her that, too?
:'''Agent Six:''' Going nowhere?
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Uh, let's not be ''[chuckling]'' rash.
:''[Holiday slaps Moses]''
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' I'm gonna have to get you a dictionary. Rash will not help anyone, especially not Beverly.
:''[Holiday grabs Moses]''
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Who can still be cured.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[Holiday drops Moses]'' What?
:'''Agent Six:''' ''[Brandishing his swords]'' No games. Truth or dead.
:'''Rex:''' Fight still going! Need assistance! Big time! Whoa!
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' I did invent a machine that de-powered nanites, almost. But the bonds and nanite particles were too strong to break. Instead, I discovered that I could reverse the polarity to its maximum, overpowering the nanites. It's easier and-- Profitable.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' But you did isolate the bonds? So, you can break them!
:'''Agent Six:''' Holiday!
:'''Rex:''' Whoa! Ugh! Unh! Okay, I called hero, but I need some extra kick for my sidekick! Unh! Seriously!
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Time to earn a return on my investments! Kill them all!
:'''Rex:''' Whoa! Whoa! 
:'''White Knight:''' I won't even bother telling you the trouble you're in. Catch those other EVOs and report to my office the moment you're back.
:'''Rex:''' What other EVO-O-O-O-Os?
:''[Rex turns around and notices the EVOs behind him]''
:'''Rex:''' Ooos?
:'''Rex:''' Think they got it?
:'''Agent Six:''' They'd better. We're busy.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Unh! Okay. That's the flux transponder. That's the nanite energizer. Don't you explode on me-- Not now. Aah!
:'''Rex:''' I'll hand the one crazed sister. You take the other. It'll be like a double date. Don't bother... your sister... while she's working!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I can see what he did, but... uh... there's no time! I can't-- I can't help her! It's over.
:'''Agent Six:''' Holiday-- Rebecca-- You are the strongest, smartest woman I have ever met, and the most stubborn.
:''[Six removes his glasses and looks her in the eyes]''
:'''Agent Six:''' You never give up. If there's a way to help your sister, find it-- now!
:''[Slight pause. Holiday smiles and puts Six's glasses back on his face then leaves]''
:'''Agent Six:''' That's my girl. New plan. Corral her to the machine.
:'''Rex:''' Plans are good! Yah! What you got, Doc?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Moses was right. The polarity of the nanite energizer is wrong! I have to amplify and reverse it. But I don't have-- Six... Your magna blades-- But it would be too dangerous. Six!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Six!
:'''Agent Six:''' Is it working?
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It's working.
:'''Rex:''' Six, get out of there!
:'''Agent Six:''' You called hero on this one, Rex! Finish it-- For her! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Unh! Get them out, Rex-- Both of them-- Now!
:''[Dr. Holiday gasps]''
:'''Rex:''' Doc! You gotta see this!
:''[Dr. Holiday panting]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[as she's trying to revive Six]'' Don't you do this to me! I will hate you forever if you--
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:''[Six coughs]''
:'''Beverly:''' Rebecca?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Beverly!
:'''Rex:''' That was... I'm... Wow! Six, I've never said it before and I'll probably never say it again, but... I'm honored to be your partner.
:'''Bobo Haha:''' Mushy stuff? Oh! Glad I missed it.
:'''Rex:''' But don't ever do anything like that again.
:'''Agent Six:''' Agreed. But you have to admit though... It was worth it.
:''[Dr. Holiday and Beverly laughs]''
:'''White Knight:''' We're not running a boarding house here. No more relatives.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I just need her for a few more tests, sir. She was only 13 when she went Evo, and she's in a fragile state.
:'''Beverly:''' Woo Hoo!
:''[Beverly laughing]''
:'''Beverly:''' Rex just took me on a ride through the Zoo on his cycle.
:'''White Knight:''' &quot;Fragile.&quot; Right.
:'''Rex:''' We're going to the mall.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Are you asking permission?
:'''Rex:''' No. I'm asking if we can have some money. Providence pays me nada.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Can I have a word with you?
:'''Agent Six:''' Sure this is a good idea? Could ruin your hero status with Holiday.
:'''Rex:''' It's funny. After meeting Bev, out of nowhere, it hit me that Doc Holiday is just a little too old for me. So, since I'm out of the way, I guess there's nothing stopping you anymore, huh, &quot;hero&quot;?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Well... right. I guess... I'll set up those tests.
:''[Holiday starts to walk past Six. Six takes a hold of her hand]''
:'''Agent Six:''' Or... we could get some dinner.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Outside? In the real world? Like real people? Like a--
:'''Agent Six:''' Yes. Like a date.
:''[Dr. Holiday gasps]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It's about time.

===Hong Kong Nights===

===Whispers in the Dark===
===Cutting It Close===

===Exposed===
:'''White Knight''': All Providence personnel, this is a priority-one alert.
:'''Agent Six''': Do not panic. Remember your training.
:'''White Knight''': In all my years of working at Providence, never have I been put in such a situation. These interlopes could be anywhere at any given moment.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Hey, what's all the-- Whoa! Sorry. We're late.
:'''Bobo Haha''': You can't prove a thing!
:'''White Knight''': Watch what you say. Watch what you do. The very future of Providence may depend upon it.
:'''Rex Salazar''': So, what's going on? Van Kleiss attack in the HQ again?
:'''Agent Six''': Worse.
:'''Diane Farrah:''' I'm Diane Farrah, and for the first time ever, we've got an exclusive all-access pass inside the top-secret organization known as Providence. To uncover for our viewers, all the juiciest behind-the-scenes details of this most secret of institutions. And to find out the real story behind that man of mystery you've all wondered about for so long.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Aah.
:'''Diane Farrah''': All your questions are about to be answered. Welcome to Providence Exposed! ''[Camera closes-up on her face]'' On Ultimate Exposure! And cut. Great into, guys. Okay, moving on.
:'''Rex Salazar''': This is cool.
:'''Agent Six''': This is wrong.
:'''Rex Salazar''': How's my hair?
:'''Bobo Haha''': Delicious.
:'''White Knight''': Ladies and gentlemen, the delightful Miss Farrah and her crew have used the Freedom of Information Act to force.
:''[White Knight clears his throat]''
:'''White Knight''': To allow them access to a day in the life of Providence. And to ensure you are afforded the very best Providence has to offer, I'm assigning our top man as your personal guide.
:''[Rex moves towards the news team]''
:'''White Knight''': Six, please show Miss Farrah whatever she wants to see.
:'''Agent Six''': Agent Six is the name. On behalf of Providence, I'd like to welcome you to our facility.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Spare me the small talk. I'm here to ask the tough questions, and I expect truthful answers.
:'''Agent Six''': Shoot.
:'''Diane Farrah''': So.. is there a Mrs. Six?
:''[Combs her hair]''
:'''Bobo Haha''': Smooth.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Like you'd have done better.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Are you kidding? They want exposed. I'm going to give that reporter a piece of my mind and a few other pieces while I'm at it. I got stories that'll make them run screaming for the hills.
:''[Bobo Haha laughs]''
:'''Agent Six''': If you'll follow me, I'll be happy to show you one of our nanite research labs up close and personal. EVO control is our primary area of concentration, but Providence is focused on a great many studies. Each employing the best and the brightest our planet has to offer.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Thanks, Six. You know, this is my brother's lab. He's only like the smartest guy in the entire world. Yeah, being the best at what we do totally runs in our family.
:'''Caesar Salazar''': Not a good time.
:'''Agent Six''': That experiment is highly sensitive.
:'''Diane Farrah''': So, Agent Six, how did you become a Providence agent?
:'''Agent Six''': That's also highly sensitive.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Amazing story though about how I became a Providence agent. See, there was this big accident.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Good morning. My name is Dr. Rebecca Holiday, And I'm the chief research officer for the Providence Laboratory Facilities - specializing in the study of evology. Providence's number one priority is the security of our planet. And through the studying and understanding the forces that threaten us--
:'''Diane Farrah''': Let's cut to the chase, shall we, doctor?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Oh, um, okay.
:'''Diane Farrah''': How do you balance the threat of EVOs, the constant danger... with being a woman?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Uh.
:''[Dr. Holiday laughs nervously]''
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Oh, excuse me.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Speaking of studying, check this out. You can edit that, right?
:'''Diane Farrah''': We're all about the editing.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, maybe you could show these journalists some of your other duties, like what you're supposed to be doing right now, for instance.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Oh, man. That's right. Come on. You're going to love this.
:'''Diane Farrah''': EVOs come from far and wide for a chance to be cured by this young man. How often do you do this?
:'''Rex Salazar''': At least once a week here at HQ. When I'm in other parts of the county or the world, Providence sets up a mobile cure station. There are a lot of people out there who need my help. I only wish I could get to them all. Wait. Um, let my try again. ''[after Rex can't cure an EVO]'' Shut it off.
:'''Diane Farrah''': But this is really good drama, Rex.
:'''Rex Salazar''': I asked to be on TV. They didn't. Please give these people their privacy.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Come on, buddy. Everybody has an off day.
:'''Rex Salazar''': In front of millions of viewers? So much for everyone's favorite Providence man of mystery.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Well, they're just lucky they haven't had the camera on me yet. Oh man, talk about Ultimate Exposure. When I get through with them--
:'''Rex Salazar''': I just wish I could look cool on camera somehow.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Phbt! Good luck. The only way that's going to happen now is if some experimental EVOs busted out of their cages and went on a rampage so you could round them up and look like a hero.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Providence isn't known for being forthcoming with information. I hope this interview will change that. The people want answers and I fully expect them from you.
:'''White Knight''': Very well. What do you want to know?
:'''Diane Farrah''': For starters, how do you get fresh milk without any nanites in it?
:'''White Knight''': If you must know, it's passed through a powerful magnet that removes and neutralizes any nanite activity.
:'''Agent Six''': Observe.
:''[White Knight smacks lips]''
:'''White Knight''': Anything else?
:'''Diane Farrah''': Not at the moment, but I'll be back.
:'''White Knight''': I look forward to it.
:''[White Knight sips]''
:'''Diane Farrah''': So, Agent Six, what do you think about White Knight's obsession with staying nanite-free at the expense of human contact?
:'''Agent Six''': He's a man of many mysteries.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Look out! Coming through! Dangerous escaped EVOs on the loose! Stand back! Let a professional handle this!
:'''Diane Farrah''': Follow him.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Yeah, I'm kind of awesome.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Did you get them all?
:'''Rex Salazar''': How many did you release?
:'''Bobo Haha''': I don't know, three or four.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Well, which was it? Three or four?
:''[Rex Salazar gasps]''
:'''Agent Six''': Well then. Now that Rex's little demonstration is over, how about a visit to the Providence gift shop? On me.
:'''Diane Farrah''': How long has Providence had a gift shop?
:'''Agent Six''': Since 8:00 A.M. You want to tell me how a class by EVO got out of its electromagnetically-sealed container and just happened to cross paths with our tour?
:'''Rex Salazar''': It's not like this kind of thing doesn't happen here all the time. I just wanted it to happen this time, in front of the camera, all right?
:'''Agent Six''': Not all right. That last EVO-- You just helped it molt so it could grow. Its body is still out there somewhere, getting bigger.
:'''White Knight''': Providence is run like a finely tuned machine. Until you decide to throw a monkey wrench into the works.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Hey, pal, let's leave the comedy to me.
:'''White Knight''': And how is it exactly that these EVOs got out?
:'''Bobo Haha''': Okay, Mea Culpa. I may have accidentally knocked open a cage or two-- Or four.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': That fourth cage was electromagnetically sealed.
:'''Bobo Haha''': I didn't say it was easy.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': The EVO we had contained in there feeds on electricity. It must be kept away from any electrical current.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Then it sure is a good thing this whole place isn't full of electricity. Oh, wait.
:'''White Knight''': Find it. Subdue it. And most importantly, don't let that camera crew see it.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Eh, were wastin' time hunting this thing down when I could be on camera right now, giving those people a piece of my mind.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Hey, I only saw the EVOs empty husk before. What's the real thing look like anyway? Huh?
:'''Bobo Haha''': That.
:''[Rex Salazar grunts]''
:''[Rex Salazar grunting]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Any suggestions?
:'''Bobo Haha''': Can you make a soccer net?
:''[Rex Salazar and Bobo Haha grunts]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Aha! Got you cornered now. There's no way out. You're overpowered.
:'''Bobo Haha''': You were saying?
:'''Agent Six''': You wanted to interview me. Now's your chance. Go.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Um... okay. Tell me, Six-- May I call you Six?-- What is the real truth behind the nanite event that created the EVOs?
:'''Agent Six''': That's classified.
:'''Diane Farrah''': What is your role, if any, in that event?
:'''Agent Six''': That's classified, too.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Are you always this talkative?
:'''Agent Six''': No comment.
:''[Rex Salazar grunts]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Wait. Let me do that again. You didn't get my good side. Which is my good side?
:'''Bobo Haha''': Your backside.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Agent Six, you promised you were taking us to the heart of the operation.
:'''Agent Six''': Right. The heart of the operation. This way.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': [Watching from a monitor] It went right.
:''[Rex goes to his right. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Camera right!
:''[Rex goes to the camera's right]''
:'''Dr. Holiday''': How can you miss it now? It's six feet in diameter and weighs five hundred pounds!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Less criticizing, more helping!
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Try to steer it in the direction of Hallway twelve. We can isolate it in the atrium.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Oh, we've got it contained there now.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': No, sorry. I was reading that backwards. Hallway twenty one.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, Hallway twenty one leads to the central core!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Okay, so, no big deal. That's a cold-fission reactor, not electric, right?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, all electricity is converted from something-- Wind, solar, hydro-- At the central core!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Ohh.
:''[Providence Agent screams]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Uh-hoh.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, listen carefully and do exactly as I say because we're only going to get one shot at this.
:'''Diane Farrah''': One shot at what, doctor?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': The... future. Providence is the future. The future used to be the space program. Now the future is Providence and the science of EVOs.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Doc? Are you still there? We have a situation.
:'''Agent Six''': Just a minor downgrade of power during a routine relay check. Nothing to worry about.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Guys, I could really use some advice right about now!
:''[Rex Salazar grunts]''
:'''White Knight''': Attention all Providence Personnel, we have a Level-One Priority...
:''[Realizes the reporters are present]''
:'''White Knight''': Drill. Repeat-- This is our daily drill in the Central Core-- Now.
:'''Agent Six''': Lunch bell. It's taco day. Anyone hungry?
:'''Diane Farrah''': Agent Six, while we appreciate the commemorative spoons and the tacos, I can't help but think that you've been hiding something from our viewers.
:'''Agent Six''': Not at all, ma'am. Providence is an open book.
:''[Rex Salazar screams]''
:'''Diane Farrah''': Cut! You're ruining the shot, Rex. Just be patient. I will get to you-- I promise.
:''[Rex Salazar groans]''
:'''Agent Six''': Get down.
:''[Diane Farrah gasps]''
:'''Diane Farrah''': That was... what you did.
:'''Agent Six''': Just doing my job, ma'am.
:'''Rex Salazar''': And I'm just doing mine!
:''[Rex Salazar grunts]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': You're not going anywhere now, buddy, except back to your-- Cage?
:'''White Knight''': We hope that you and the Ultimate Exposure team are enjoying our EVO containment demonstration, Miss Farrah. All part of readiness training here at Providence.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Can I quote you on that?
:'''White Knight''': Miss Farah, I'm not gonna stop you from filming, but for your own safety and the safety of your crew, please step back and let my people do what they do best. Alpha Team, I need a containment of the cafeteria, cube formation. Fire! Rex.
:'''Rex Salazar''': I'm on it.
:'''Agent Six''': Stay here. This is the real deal.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Not on your life. Find an elevator. We're missing it.
:'''Caesar Salazar''': Still not a good ti-i-i-i-i-me!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Okay, big boy. No more crawl spaces. No more Hallways. Just you and me in a big, old hangar bay mano y mano.
:''[Rex Salazar grunts]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Huh?
:'''Bobo Haha''': ''[after Rex has been repeatedly beaten back by the Evo]'' Looks like you showed him.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Are you going to talk, or are you going to help?
:'''Bobo Haha''': Talk. Kidding! I'm helping! I'm helping!
:''[Rex Salazar grunts]''
:''[Rex Salazar groaning]''
:''[Rex Salazar groaning]''
:''[Rex Salazar sighs]''
:''[Rex Salazar groaning]''
:'''Diane Farrah''': Please tell me you're getting all of this.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Providence's man of mystery strikes again. Ow! It-- it bit me!
:'''Diane Farrah''': Quick, grab some B-roll footage before they get rid of all the evidence.
:'''Rex Salazar''': You did see that I did all the heavy lifting and Six just took out the trash, right?
:'''Diane Farah''': Don't worry. The camera never lies.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Yes!
:'''Bobo Haha''': Good! Then get a load of this!
:'''Diane Farah''': Do you have something to say?
:''[Camera zooms in on Bobo]''
:'''Bobo Haha''': Oh... oh.
:''[Bobo mutters then passes out]''
:'''Diane Farrah''': I think we have everything we need.
:'''Rex Salazar''': I don't know how you guys came off looking, but yours truly rocked hard. Just call me Providence's Man of Mystery from now on. Oh, yeah! Stardom starts in five, four, three, two--
:'''Diane Farrah''': I'm Diane Farrah, and for the first time ever, we've got an exclusive all-access pass inside the top-secret organization known as Providence. To uncover for our viewers, all the juiciest behind-the-scenes details of this most secret of institutions.
:'''Rex Salazar''': We are so dead.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Nice knowing you, kid.
:'''Diane Farrah''': To find out the real story behind that man of mystery you've all wondered about for so long.
:'''Agent Six''': Agent Six is the name.
:'''Rex Salazar''': They did it.
:'''Bobo Haha''': They did.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': This is a news show? What is the world coming to?
:'''Diane Farrah''': Look out, ladies. Agent Six is the full package -- brains, brawn, and--
:'''Agent Six''': Highly sensitive.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Just what is he hiding behind those alluring, dark glasses of his?
:'''Agent Six''': That's classified.
:'''Diane Farrah''': He's the Providence agent you women wanted to get to know.
:'''Agent Six''': Up close and personal.
:'''Diane Farrah''': That's right, girls.
:'''Agent Six''': He's The real deal.
:'''Diane Farrah''': And he's known throughout Providence as--
:'''Agent Six''': The heart of the operation.
:'''Diane Farrah''': He's the organization's best-kept secret, the ultimate agent, and--
:'''Agent Six''': The man of many mysteries.
:'''Diane Farrah''': And, yes, ladies, he is single -- or is he?
:''[Dr. Holiday laughs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Excuse me.
:'''Agent Six''': No comment.
:''[Rex and Bobo Haha laughs]''
:'''White Knight''': Well, that's a relief.
:'''Rex Salazar''': ''[after the story airs]'' So, man of mystery, what's it like being a big star adored by women everywhere?
:'''Agent Six''': No comment.

===Touch and Go===
===The Siren's Lament===
* Flashbacks as to how Circe came to work for Van Kleiss.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;

===Grounded===
===Six Minus Six===
===In Dreams===

===Lions and Lambs===
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:''[Providence agents are standing in an industrial area, fingers on triggers. Rex flies in on jet pack and lands beside all the agents.]''
:'''Rex:''' Any sign? ''[Rex notices agents shaking in fear.]'' Alright then, who’s up for a burger, anyone? Tough crowd.
:''[Six walks up.]''
:'''Six:'''	These agents seem nervous. Haven’t they dealt with this situation before?
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, that's kind of the problem.
:''[Rex twitches, as if he is feeling Breach's presence.]''
:'''Providence Agent:''' Here she comes.
:''[Breach appears in front of them. They fire at her. She sends their missiles and agents away with red portals.]''
:'''Six:'''	How do we stop her?
:'''Rex:'''	''[Smack Hands.]'' Hit hard and keep clear of anything that glows.
:''[Breach has a collar around her neck like the one Van Kleiss wears, and a device on her chest like his only much larger and shackles are around her giant hands which look like Van Kleiss's bio-mechanical wrist. She opens a red portal. A giant jellyfish-like thing flies out at Six, then a large creature with a horn on its nose runs out. Rex jumps at Breach, she portals out, returns and the device on her chest starts sparking.]''
:'''Rex:'''	What's with the new toy, Breach?
:'''Breach:'''	''[Glares]'' Wouldn’t you like to know?
:''[T-Rex appears through a gold colored portal, sniffs Rex.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Seriously, where do you find these things? Let's see what you started out as, big guy. ''[Tries to cure.] Six? This... this isn't an EVO!'' It's an actual T-Rex! ...Six?
:''[Rex runs from T-Rex.]''
:'''Breach:'''	Have fun. ''[Leaves through red portal.]''
:''[Rex hides behind light pole, T-Rex pulls pole from ground, Rex falls to the ground.]''
:'''Six:'''	I take it this sort of thing doesn't happen all the time?
:'''Rex:''' Try never? This is all kinds of wrong.
:''[Rex makes BFS, runs at T-Rex; Six runs at T-Rex, jumps on and stabs it in back.]''
:'''Holiday:'''	Is that what I think it is?
:'''Six:''' You mean about to be extinct?
:'''Holiday:''' If you destroy the scientific find of a lifetime, it won’t be the only thing.
:'''Rex:'''	It's trying to eat us.
:'''Six:'''	You heard the lady. Take it down soft.
:'''Rex:'''	Easy for you to say.
:''[Rex lies on the ground holding the jaws open with Smack Hands and it slobbers on him.]''
:''[Scene change.]''
:''[Video of T-Rex in confinement field. The T-Rex turns to dust.]''
:'''White Knight:''' Breach is powerful enough as it is, and now you're telling me she can travel through time?
:'''Holiday:'''	However she's doing it, I haven't worked out all the kinks yet. That dinosaur reverted to its actual age about less than two hours after arrival.
:'''Caesar:'''	Photo and deep scan analysis reveals some very interesting technology at work here. Van Kleiss has really stepped up his game.
:'''White Knight:''' Skip the fan talk. How do we stop it?
:'''Caesar:'''	Until I get my hands on the device, I'm not certain we can.
:'''White Knight:''' We have to bring her to our side.
:'''Rex:'''	The only way she's coming here is if she does it willingly.
:'''White Knight:''' How do you propose we persuade her?
:'''Rex:'''	With me. ''[Six and Holiday stare at him skeptically.]'' I can be very convincing. Okay, okay. I think she might still have a thing for me.
:'''Bobo:''' Atta boy, work it on the crazy chick.
:'''White Knight:''' I don't care how we do it as long as we get results. Providence is under the microscope. It is the worst time for Van Kleiss to gain the upper hand. Get to it. Bring her in.
:''[Six and Holiday walking out of the room together down the hall.]''
:'''Six:''' ''[To Holiday.]'' I need a word. Something's wrong with White.
:'''Holiday:'''	Oh. That. He’s always like this, Six.
:'''Six:'''	No. This is different. I know when something is bothering him. The secret meetings, the anxiety. He’s up to something.
:'''Holiday:'''	I'll see what I can find out.
:''[Scene change.]''
:''[Rex on hoverboard, in Providence stealth suit.]''
:'''Rex:'''	WHOO-HOO! Works pretty good. After all, I built it. ''[Loses control of board for a moment.]''
:''[Scene change.]''
:''[Van Kleiss's castle, Rex hiding by entrance.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Going in. ''[Pulls up stealth mask, disappears partly, runs past guard.]''
:''[Scene change.]''
:''[Breach is hooked up to a large machine. Van Kleiss stands before her with a huge bank of controls and displays, spooky dark lighting. She screams.]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' This is unacceptable, Breach. I need you to concentrate.
:'''Breach:''' It hurts.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Think of what I'm trying to achieve here. I cannot fail.
:''[Breach screams in agony and collapses.]''
:''[Rex looks down horrified, Van Kleiss grins, Breach screams and falls down.]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I'll return when it recharges and we'll start again.
:''[Rex holds his hand out to her.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Why do you let him do this to you?
:'''Breach:''' Glory.
:'''Rex:'''	Van Kleiss's glory. Is he even noticing how you're tearing yourself apart for him? Have you ever heard him say thank you? What do you say we blow this joint, you and me? He's hurting you.
:'''Breach:'''	It's not real. It can't hurt you if it isn't real.
:'''Rex:'''	Breach, look at me. It is. I'm real, all of this is real. You don't have to live this way.
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	Why am I not surprised. Rex has come to rescue another of my lost sheep. Perhaps he'll try to save you next, Biowulf.
:'''Rex:'''	That depends. Is he housebroken yet?
:'''Biowulf:'''	I am no traitor.
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	You’ve no doubt seen our little experiment. Breach shows great promise. She just needs a little fine tuning.
:'''Rex:'''	Then what? Go back in time and be king of the cavemen?
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	Why not? It wouldn’t be much of a step down, now would it? Breach, if you would, remove our guest so we can continue. Practice makes perfect, or in your case, acceptable.
:''[Breach makes a red portal.]''
:'''Rex:''' Breach! Think about what you're doing.
:''[Van Kleiss grins, she runs and puts her arms around Rex, portals out with Rex.]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Find her. Now.
:''[Mountains, snow, Rex shivering.]''
:'''Rex:'''	I'm glad you got us out of there, but where... are we?
:'''Breach:'''	When the snow is gone you can see forever.
:'''Rex:''' That's nice. Can we go now?
:'''Breach:''' I need to know if I can trust you.
:'''Rex:'''	You can trust me. I swear.
:''[Breach grabs his hand and hugs him. He opens his eyes. They are standing on a shiny endless reflective surface, reflecting stars.]''
:'''Rex:'''	This is different.
:'''Breach:'''	Do you see it?
:'''Rex:'''	Um--
:'''Breach:'''	This is where the stillness comes from.
:'''Rex:'''	You. Are weird. So what exactly does this mean? Are you coming with me or is this some kind of test?
:'''Breach:'''	I need you to see it.
:'''Rex:'''	Ah... A test.
:'''Breach:'''	Do you wanna understand?
:'''Rex:'''	Not exactly sure. ''[She glares, he waves his hands in front of him.]'' Yes, I mean yes. I mean--
:'''Breach:''' Follow me. ''[Walks through red portal.]''
:''[Another place. A door, a doll, a bear and a fire hydrant float in space.]''
:''[Rex hanging upside down, she is holding him by his ankle above a swirling pink vortex.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Ahh! What happened? I thought we were getting along fine!
:'''Breach:'''	Why are you here?
:'''Rex:''' Good question. Where exactly is here? Can we go somewhere else now, somewhere like, on Earth?
:''[She drops him. He screams and lands on the floor between some stacks of books.]''
:'''Rex:''' You sure know how to pick'em. What kind of tripped out dimension is this? ''[Librarian walks by and shushes him.]'' Oh. College.
:'''White Knight:''' ''[On communicator in Rex's right ear.]'' Rex, report. Where on earth have you been?
:'''Rex:'''	Apparently every place but.
:'''White Knight:''' I need to know you can handle this otherwise we're going to try a different approach.
:'''Rex:'''	You need to chill out, White. I’m making progress. ''[Rex puts his hand to his left ear.]'' Dr. Holiday, are you there?
:'''Holiday:'''	Tracking shows you’re with Breach. Are you okay?
:'''Rex:'''	Fine? Creeped out but fine. I can't bring Breach back to Providence, White would just lock her up and that won't help.
:'''Holiday:'''	Where will you take her?
:'''Rex:'''	I'll think of something. Just keep White Knight off my case.
:''[Breach appears behind him.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Why don't you let me pick out where we go next?
:''[Scene change.]''
:''[White Knight hands folded moving nervously.]''
:'''White Knight:''' He says he's making progress.
:'''Black Knight:''' The committee is losing confidence. They want results, not excuses.
:'''White Knight:''' Then that's exactly what they’ll get.
:''[Scene change. Rex sits across from Breach in a booth at a bowling alley.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Soooo, don't like bowling, huh? I figured with the extra arms you'd be a natural.
:'''Breach:'''	I'm not supposed to like you, but I do.
:'''Rex:''' ''[smiles]'' We're teenagers. At least assuming you are. Doing what we are not supposed to is part of the job. French fry?
:''[She takes it and then drops it.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Do you remember anything? From before you... changed?
:'''Breach:'''	I remember everything. And nothing.
:'''Rex:''' Naturally. Why did I even bother to ask. Listen, Breach. I'm not going to pretend I understand you, ''[Puts his hand on her giant hand]'' but I can help. If you let me.
:''[The machine starts to glow, they jump to their feet, other people look startled.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Nothing to worry about. Everything's fine.
:'''Breach:'''	I can't, I can't stop it.
:'''Rex:'''	Let me try. ''[He tries and it knocks him onto the floor sparking.]''
:'''Breach:'''	Van Kleiss has control. They're coming.
:''[Van Kleiss busts through the door with The Pack following. Raises bio-mechanical hand, palm of it glows, device on Breach's chest turns off.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Okay, do your thing. Get us out of here. Anywhere.
:''[she tries]''
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	You can't take what doesn't belong to you.
:'''Rex:'''	I didn't take you for the jealous type. ''[Rex shoots bowling balls at Van Kleiss with his cannon, hits Biowulf and Skalamander in the face and Van Kleiss punches the balls aside with his bio-mechanical hand.]''
:'''Rex:''' Breach, let's go!
:''[Breach rides off with Rex on hoverboard, Van Kleiss and Pack follow on three flying fish EVO's with harnesses and big teeth. They dodge and crash Van Kleiss into a window, and land in a park.]''
:''[Breach and Rex stand together on a footbridge looking down into the water.]''
:'''Breach:''' ''[Walks to bridge and looks at her reflection, Rex follows.]'' Will they hurt me?
:'''Rex:'''	Providence? Not if I can help it.
:'''Breach:'''	They did before. Ms. Smarty Pants—she likes to hurt me.
:'''Rex:''' I'll give you my word, if you come back to Providence, I promise no one will hurt you.
:'''Breach:'''	We can be together forever and ever. ''[She walks off bridge, ducks swimming in water.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Uh... something like that. What am I getting myself into? We gotta move. I bet my brother has already figured out how to turn that thing of yours off.
:''[The ducks fly off, they look and see a reflection in the pond of White Knight's ship.]''
:''[White Knight walks up followed by Providence fighter planes.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Uh guys, what are you doing?!
:'''White Knight:''' If you can't have something done right, do it yourself.
:''[They shoot at Breach, she screams, Rex is horrified.]''
:'''Rex:''' No! No! No! ''[walks up bridge to White Knight]'' Do have any idea what you just did?
:''[Breach's chest device turns on, she screams, Providence shoots at her.]''
:'''Rex:''' Is this what you wanted? Congratulations! ''[runs to Breach]'' Breach! Wait!
:'''Breach:''' Liar! ''[Throws red portal at Rex, he dodges, second one hits him, he disappears. Providence keeps shooting, she throw portals, drops three soldiers in water.]''
:'''White Knight:''' Agent Six!
:''[He jumps at her, she portals him away to behind Knight. Rex jumps from the water onto the bridge by Knight.]''
:'''Rex:'''	You had no intention to bring her in, did you?
:'''White Knight:''' I wanted to believe you, Rex, but this is too important. She can't be controlled.
:'''Rex:''' Control... Her powers are back on. Van Kleiss.
:''[Van Kleiss arrives on flying fish EVO.]''
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	Settle down, Breach.
:''[Chest device turns off.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Let me do this. I can get through to her. Come on. It couldn't get any worse than you've already made it
:''[Knight and Six look at each other.]''
:'''White Knight:''' Form a perimeter around Breach. Van Kleiss isn't to touch her.
:''[A rock wall rises from the ground blocking Rex as he runs towards Breach. The Pack jumps down from wall to attack Rex, Six intervenes. Agents surround Breach, she tries and fails to make red portal. Screams. Van Kleiss flies in on fish, knocks down agents with bio-mechanical whip arm, shoots needles from fingers and knocks more down, fish knocks the rest down. White Knight shoots at Van Kleiss.]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' If you had any idea what I was trying to do you might even welcome it.
:'''White Knight:''' Enlighten me.
:''[Van Kleiss touches a tree and it turns into an EVO. EVO tree catches and holds White. Six and Biowulf fight, Rex and Skalamander fight.]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Enlighten you?
:''[Sticks his claws in White Knight, glowing White Knight screams.]'' All in good time, White Knight, assuming you have some left.
:''[Six throws a magnablade through Van Kleiss's bio-mechanical arm and he lets go of White.]''
:'''Six:'''	''[to White Knight]'' Go. I mean it. ''[White Knight flies off.]''
:'''Six:''' The name's Six.
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	We've met.
:'''Six:'''	Don't remember. ''[They fight.]''
:''[Breach on merry-go-round, turning slowly looking at the sky.
:'''Rex:'''	You're just using her.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Of course I am. She knows it. Spare me the chivalry, Rex. Providence would do the same.
:'''Rex:'''	Either way you slice it, she loses!
:'''Breach:''' ''[to herself]'' My two favorites. You both lie. Neither is real.
:'''Rex:''' ''[goes to her]'' Breach, I'm sorry. I meant what I said.
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	Words mean nothing.
:'''Rex:''' Then let this do the talking. ''[Turns on her machine, puts it into her power.]''
:''[Van Kleiss laughs evilly]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' You just handed her a loaded gun.
:'''Rex:'''	And now it's her choice how to use it.
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	Oh if only I had the chance to get through to you, Rex, to teach you how the world really works.
:''[Breach steps in front of Van Kleiss, raises her arms as if to send Rex away. Makes huge yellow portal above them.]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Our very first time traveler. You should be honored. Now Breach, if you wouldn't mind.
:''[Van Kleiss laughs evilly]''
:''[Rex closes his eyes. Breach sends Van Kleiss away with yellow portal.]''
:'''Rex:''' That was... unexpected.
:''[Rex tries to turn machine off but fails.]''
:'''Rex:'''	It won't turn off. I'm sorry. I, I didn't know.
:'''Breach:'''	Van Kleiss made it like this so I wouldn't send him away.
:'''Rex:'''	That didn't work out so well did it? Six, get everyone out of here now! ''[A big yellow dome forms around the playground where Rex and Breach stand.]''
:'''Rex:'''	So, what's going to happen?
:''[Rex and Breach are about to be engulfed by Breach's out of control time portal]''
:'''Breach''': ''[she looks up]'' I don't know if any of this was real. But it was nice having a friend for a while. ''[Rex smiles, Breach hugs him as they dispensary in the golden time portal]''
:'''Rex:''' I didn't get blown up. ''[Sees a lizard.]'' Whoa! ''[Jumps away, startled.]'' Oh no, please don't let this be dino time. ''[Touches earpiece in left ear.]'' Rex to Providence, do you copy? :''[Takes earpiece out and looks at it.]'' Oh... Rex to Providence, you better be there.
:'''Providence Agent:''' Uh... we copy, Rex. We have a lock on your coordinates and are sending a jump jet.
:'''Rex:'''	Is Six okay? Breach went supernova.
:'''Providence Agent:''' Someone's on the way, just hold tight. Providence out.
:''[Scene change, Rex lying on the ground.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Took you long enough.
:''[Turns over and sees Providence agents, pointing guns at him.]''
:'''Providence Agent:''' Rex is onboard. Heading back to HQ.
:'''Rex:'''	HQ? Ten minutes ago I was in the middle of an epic battle. You need to take me back!
:'''Providence Agent:''' Um, that battle is over.
:'''Rex:''' What happened? Is Six okay? Guys...what's going on?
:''[They arrive at HQ.]''
:'''Caesar:'''	Baby brother, you're okay! ''[Runs and hugs him.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Breach just sent me to nowheresville. Nothing to freak out over.
:'''Caesar:'''	''[To Providence agent.]'' You didn't tell him?
:'''Providence Agent:''' Our orders were just to bring him back.
:'''Rex:'''	Tell me what? Hey, when did you... have a beard?
:'''Caesar:''' There's no easy way to tell you this, hermano. Breach didn't just send you to the middle of nowhere. You've been gone for six months.
:'''Rex:'''	Six months?! So this is--
:'''Caesar:''' Technically, the future. I should warn you, there've been a few changes.
:'''Rex:'''	You didn't give away my room, did you?
:'''Caesar:''' As a matter of fact, they did.
:'''Rex:''' What?! Caesar, tell me what's going on here.
:'''Caesar:'''	It would be better if I showed you.
:'''Rex:'''	White Knight taking visitors now?
:'''Caesar:'''	I'll wait out here.
:''[Rex sees Providence agents dressed in black.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Nice suits.
:''[Goes into the office.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Ah... Love what you've done with the place. White?
:''[Person in chair turns around, it's a woman, not White Knight.]''
:'''Black Knight:''' Thank you, Rex. ''[She gets up and walks towards him.]'' It was a little bright for my taste. White Knight is no longer associated with this organization.
:'''Rex:''' He quit?
:'''Black Knight:''' He...attempted a hostile takeover and failed. Can I get you anything? Water? A snack?
:'''Rex:''' I don't want a snack! Where's Six? Where's Holiday!?
:'''Black Knight:''' This must upsetting to you. Change is never easy but from I understand, you've been in situations like this before. Everything's going to be fine.
:'''Rex:''' Who are you?!
:'''Black Knight:''' Someone very happy to have you back. Call me Black Knight.

==Season Three (2011-2013)==
===Back in Black===
: '''Rex''': Okay, I get what's going on here.
: '''Black Knight''': I'm relieved to hear that, Rex.
: '''Rex''': You can come out! I know you're there!
: '''Black Knight''': Rex?
: '''Rex''': We're friends, now, remember? Breach?
: '''Black Knight''': Breach isn't here, Rex. The world's changed. As soon you accept th--
: '''Rex''': No, I'm not ignoring you. It's just that you're not real.
: '''Black Knight''': I assure you I'm very real-- as is all of this.
: '''Rex''': ''[chuckling]'' Oh, come on. It's been a fun time in the ol' Breachscape, but, you know, time to go home now.
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Rex''': Seen this before. Usually ends with a black hole.
: '''Black Knight''': Rex, you're disoriented. Let me--
: '''Rex''': Sorry, non-lady. No time. Got an exit to find! Shall we aprehend?
: '''Black Knight''': It won't be necessary.
: '''Caesar''': Rex! Have you lost it?
: '''Rex''': Caesar! We're in a pocket dimension! It could collapse at any second!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Caesar''': That's crazy, Rex. This is not a pocket dimension.
: '''Rex''': You're right! It's a whole alternate universe! And-- and-- and you're my Brother's evil twin! Out of the way! Six! Six! Doc!
: ''[Rex panting]''
: '''Rex''': Dr. Holiday! Doc!
: ''[Rex sighs]''
: '''Rex''': Wha-- Well, at least some things haven't changed. Whoa! Whoa! Okay, now I-- Bleh-- know I'm in an-- Aah!-- alternate universe. Unh! You can go ahead and -- Blech!-- Eat me now, please.
: '''Black Knight''': Release.
: '''Rex''': You were... saying something about changes?
: '''Black Knight''': There have been a few.
: '''Caesar''': You've got temporal lag, Rex. It's kind of like altitude sickness, only in time. Here-- This will balance your electrolytes.
: ''[Rex sighs]''
: '''Rex''': So this is really-- 
: '''Black Knight''': Really. Welcome to the future, Rex-- Or, rather, to the present. Without your healing abilities, Providence has embraced a new paradigm. We've moved beyond the outmoded era of &quot;cure, contain, or kill.&quot;
: '''Rex''': And into the era of &quot;serious leash laws&quot;.
: '''Caesar''': We used the petting zoo as our test bed. What do you think?
: '''Rex''': I think it needs a new name, 'cause, you know, now it really is one.
: '''Caesar''': We've developed new techniques for working with EVOs. It's all about understanding them better.
: '''Rex''': So, you're some sort of &quot;EVO whisperer&quot;?
: '''Caesar''': ''[laughs]'' It's a bit more complicated than that. You sure you're okay? ''[sighs]'' It's good to have you back, brother.
: '''Black Knight''': Family ties. They transcend even time itself.
: '''Rex''': Caesar's not my only family.
: '''Black Knight''': I'll bring you up to speed on the others. When you went M.I.A., White Knight lost his biggest weapon in the war for EVO containment.
: '''Rex''': Figures that I have to vanish for him to appreciate me.
: '''Black Knight''': White became erratic-- some might say paranoid. Directorate lost faith in his ability to lead.
: '''Rex''': Directorate? I never knew white even had a boss.
: '''Black Knight''': There are, shall we say, layers. I was named as his replacement.
: '''Rex''': Let me guess-- he didn't take it well.
: '''Black Knight''': You could say that.
: '''Providence Agent''': White Knight! Sir! Stand down!
: '''White Knight''': I'd rather go down in flames than see Providence in the hands of the enemy.
: '''Providence Agent''': He's got a bomb! Fall back! All units fall ba--
: '''Rex''': Whoa! That was--
: '''Black Knight''': Your room.
: '''Rex''': Huh? Aww, man! But... Six... Holiday... where--
: '''Black Knight''': Where do you think? They're out looking for you. Agent Six and Holiday took indefinite leave. They've been off the grid ever since. I've attempted to contact them, but no response.
: '''Rex''': Mind if... I give them a ring? Not that I don't trust you.
: '''Black Knight''': But you don't trust me. Natural, given the circumstances. Be my guest. It won't take long, to locate them. Meanwhile, there are many familiar faces who will be glad to hear you're back. Which reminds me... This is everything we salvaged from your room.
: '''Rex''': Huh. Talk about starting over.
: '''Black Knight''': You could you know. There's still a place for you in the--
: '''Rex''': My room. I thought you said it was trashed.
: '''Black Knight''': Rex, wait.
: '''Rex''': What's the matter, Black? This where you're hiding all your evil secrets?
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Rex''': Um... Wow!
: '''Black Knight''': This entire wing was destroyed in the blast. I had the space... repurposed.
: '''Rex''': White wouldn't even splurge for private stalls.
: '''Black Knight''': As you see, I treat my finest people to the very finest things.
: '''Rex''': Sure. I'll take one of those, please.
: '''Black Knight''': It's yours-- and anything else you'd like.
: '''Rex''': As long as I do whatever you want-- That it?
: '''Black Knight''': On the contrary-- you're a seasoned agent. I have a few boundaries, but otherwise, handle matters as you see fit.
: '''Rex''': Say I refuse.
: '''Black Knight''': Then I turn you over to mel. ''[chuckling]'' I'm kidding. You're free to leave whenever you like. But I hope you'll stay. Now, more than ever, Providence needs a Rex. So, how do you feel? Like I haven't used one of those in Six months-- Which I haven't. You mind? Bobo?
: '''Bobo''': Rex! Heard you were back. So great to see you, buddy. Whoa. Just a sec, there, pal. Gotta love those certain towelettes.
: ''[Bobo whistling]''
: '''Bobo''': What? Never seen a monkey wash his hands before?
: '''Rex''': Not this one.
: ''[Bobo munching]''
: '''Rex''': You wanna tell me what's gotten into you or what?
: '''Bobo''': What are you talking abou-- Unh! Hey!
: '''Rex''': Sorry. For a minute, I thought you were...
: '''Bobo''': Robo Bobo? Wanna check for a tv in my butt?
: '''Rex''': Pass. But come on. You've, I don't know, mellowed or something.
: '''Bobo''': Guess I just don't have a big need to act out these days, what with you and everyone gone. Plus, the employee benefits are pretty sweet.
: '''Black Knight''': Rex, we've got a little EVO problem. Providence could use your help. Ready to get back in the game?
: '''Rex''': If it involves getting out of here, that would be a &quot;yes.&quot; You coming?
: '''Bobo''': I'll join ya on the next one. I got Tai Chi at 2:00.
: '''Rex''': Missing an EVO smackdown? That doesn't sound like you.
: '''Bobo''': Did I mention the instructor has a thing for back hair?
: '''Rex:''' Ew. Okay. That sounds like you. What is it and where do I find it?
: '''Providence Agent''': We've got an EVO in the subway tunnels, people trapped in one of the trains. The power's out down there, too.
: '''Rex:''' Sounds like a street worm. Sure it's just one? Rex to H.Q. Okay, new chief, how do you want to do this?
: '''Black Knight:''' You're the expert.
: '''Rex:''' I am? Uh, I mean, of course I am. It's just that Six usually--
: '''Black Knight:''' You don't need help, Rex. Handle it as you see fit. Black, out.
: '''Rex:''' What's this strange feeling that's come upon me? Could it be...
: ''[Rex shudders]''
: '''Rex''': Responsibility?! Okay. Assemble your guys over there. Be ready for me. Should the guys grab flashlight. Or... better. Not a bad pre-show. Now for the main event.
: '''Providence Agent:''' How did you know?
: '''Rex:''' These things usually travel in pairs. I used lights from my builds to make it think I was another worm. Have your bug net handy. They're so cute after I shut them down.
: '''Rex:''' Sorry B.K. No can cure.
: '''Black Knight:''' Understood. Our team will take it from here.
: '''Rex:''' Um, take what where?
: '''Providence Agent:''' Move into the vehicle! Move... into... the vehicle! Hit her again!
: '''Rex:''' Um, what just happend?
: '''Black Knight:''' That's all for now, Rex. Nicely done.
: '''Rex:''' Hm. Wait. What are you gonna do with it?
: '''Providence Agent:''' Standard rehab and re-lo. It's all very humane.
: '''Rex:''' I'd love to see that. Mind if I tag along?
: '''Black Knight:''' Sorry, Rex. Authorized personnel only. You've done your job. Now let the team theirs.
: '''Rex:''' But--
: '''Black Knight:''' Boundaries, Rex.
: '''Rex:''' Boundaries. Got it. Rex, out.
: '''Caesar:''' Main container reached. Attach stabilizer ring.
: '''Rex:''' Humane? Yeah, right.
: ''[Bobo yawns]''
: '''Bobo:''' See? Great employee benefits.
: '''Rex:''' Yeah. Right. Hey, you got a tag sticking out in the back. Mind if I--
: '''Bobo:''' Thanks, pal. Well, off to yoga.
: '''Caesar:''' You really shouldn't be here, hermano.
: '''Rex:''' The petting zoo? The worm? My monkey practicing good hygiene? You're using that thing to control my friend!
: '''Caesar:''' He's still the same Bobo you know and love. He just need a few boundaries.
: '''Rex:''' He's not the same, and neither are you! You should hear yourself!
: '''Caesar:''' Making the world safer isn't possible without some form of control. And you'd better get some control of yourself, mijo.
: '''Rex:''' Or what? You'll use that thing on me?
: '''Caesar:''' Open your eyes to all the good we're accomplishing. Isn't this better than smacking them with your giant fists?
: '''Rex:''' That's combat! I protect people and property! Okay, property, not so much, but this? If you can't see the difference, then maybe I never knew you at all!
: '''Caesar:''' It doesn't matter. I have work to do.
: '''Rex:''' So do I!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Uses his Smack Hands to smash everything around him]''
: '''Caesar:''' Rex! Stop!
: '''Black Knight:''' Snooping around, Rex? See, that's another one of my boundaries.
: '''Rex:''' White Knight may have had his issues, but he never resorted to anything like this!
: '''Black Knight:''' I never planned to do this, Rex, but you've become a danger.
: '''Rex''' ''[shocked]'': Caesar! Think! You can't do this!
: '''Caesar:''' Of course I'm thinking. This is the logical conclusion to what we started. 
: '''Rex:''' The logical-- Aaaah! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Raaah! Aah!
: ''[Caesar blasts the mind-control laser, causing Rex to scream and groan in pain]''
: '''Caesar:''' Sorry, Rex. You'll thank me later.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' You... better... believe I will!
: '''Caesar:''' Please don't resist! It's only painful if you struggle!
: '''Black Knight:''' What's taking so long?
: '''Caesar:''' He's fighting it! His nantic energy is spiking off the scale!
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: '''Black Knight:''' Boost power.
: '''Caesar:''' It's not safe to--
: '''Black Knight:''' It's for the best. 
: ''[Caesar increases power, causing Rex's nanites to go haywire as a tear fall down his cheek, heartbroken about his own brother betraying him]''
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Manages to overpower the mind-control machine, much to the surprise and wonder of Caesar and Black Knight]''
: '''Rex:''' You just drew a line in the sand, bro! ''[runs off]''
: '''Black Knight:''' You'd better have a backup.
: '''Caesar:''' The prototype. Not portable, but more than enough power, even for him.
: '''Black Knight:''' Get it ready.
: '''Rex:''' Unh!
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: '''Rex:''' No mood to get slimed right now, mel!
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: '''Rex:''' What happened to your EVO control?
: '''Black Knight:''' A demonstration. You know what would happen without our influence.
: '''Rex:''' So, you're hijacking its brain, like you tried to do with mine.
: '''Black Knight:''' That won't be necessary if you'll willingly cooperate.
: '''Rex:''' Translation-- if I do everything you say.
: '''Black Knight:''' You've seen how we can work together. Providence still needs you. There will always be a few EVOs we can't control.
: '''Rex:''' Yeah. I'm one of them.
: '''Black Pawns:''' Shall we pursue?
: '''Black Knight:''' Most definitely.
: '''Rex:''' Gangway! Coming through! Huh? No! Huh. Black Pawns. Overdoing the whole theme, don't you think?
: ''[Rex groaning]''
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Rex:''' Yah! I'm getting beat up by the chess club!
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Black Knight:''' We... got off on the wrong foot. Stow the hardware and come with us. You have my word you won't be harmed. We can start over-- the right way.
: '''Bobo:''' You mind? You're interrupting the enjoyment of my employee benefits.
: ''[Rex sighs]''
: ''[Rex panting]''
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Black Knight:''' ''[after Rex was tranquilized]'' Excellent work. Take him to the lab.
: ''[Rex groans]''
: ''[Rex sighs]''
: '''Rex:''' What? No way! You're not turning my brain to mashed potatoes! Doc?!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Welcome back, Rex.
: '''Six:''' Good to see you, kid.
: '''Rex:''' Before I blame this on a Burrito-induced nightmare, will someone please tell me-- What... Is... Going... On?!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' What do you think? We've been looking for you.
: '''Six:''' We knew Providence might find you first. Fortunately, we planted a mole.
: '''Bobo:''' Ehh. Rex! Put 'er there!
: '''Rex:''' Uhh! You didn't wash! Oh! You didn't wash! But that means... that he really was... Robo Bobo?
: '''Bobo:''' In the flesh.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Literally. I gave it a biological upgrade, complete with his own nanites and... fleas, ticks, lice, chigger mites.
: '''Bobo:''' What can I say? I'm an ecosystem.
: '''Six:''' It's enough to fool your brother's equipment. The robot is only providing limited intel. But one thing is sure-- new Providence is about more than just getting Evos off the streets.
: '''Rex:''' I saw it. Whatever they're doing over there is seriously messed up.
: '''Six:''' That's why we've set up our own operation.
: '''Rex:''' Whoa! Where did you get all of this?
: '''Six:''' We have our sources.
: '''Rex:''' So, we're like super secret spies now? Cool!
:''[Rex sighs]''
: '''Rex:''' It's too bad about White, though. I never thought I'd say it, but I'm gonna miss that pasty guy.
: '''White Knight:''' How touching, Rex. I, on the other hand, would rather enjoyed the last six Rex-free months. Now... if we're done with the love-in, we have work to do.
: '''Rex:''' It really can't get any better than this. Oh, except one thing-- can I get a TV?

===Crash and Burn===
*From this episode, Rex can create two builds at once
:''[Bobo yawns]''
:'''Bobo:''' They say nothin' good happens after midnight. And, you know, they're right.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I'm worried about you, Bobo. Since we left Providence, you've been staying out every night.
:''[Bobo grunts]''
:''[Bobo munching]''
:''[Bobo gulps]''
:'''Bobo:''' That's not the least of your worries. Seen our boy lately?
:''[Dr. Holiday scoffs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex is fine. He just needs time to adjust to our new setting. Rex? It's Holiday. Are you there?
:'''Rex:''' Hey, doc. What up?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Just checking in. Everything okay?
:'''Rex:''' Better than okay. I'm about to set a new land-speed record'
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' That wasn't what I meant. How are you feeling?
:'''Rex:''' Appreciate the concern, but the only thing on my mind right now is the need for speed. Apparently, I'm not alone. I'll call you back. Hey! Slow down! I want to talk to you! Ah. You want to play chicken. Doc? Bobo? I'm getting blitzed by some bikers. Aah!
:'''Rand:''' Might as well give up! I won't quit! I'm a relentless, never-say-die, nonstop-- Uh, hey, wait a minute. Who are you?
:'''Rex:''' Think you could have asked me that before trying to run me down?
:'''Rand:''' Ooh! My fault. I thought you were one of us.
:'''Rex:''' &quot;One of us&quot;? What is this?
:'''Rand:''' Sorry, dude. No time to chat. Peace.
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, like I'm gonna take that for an answer. A street race? Or a demolition derby?
:''[Lance grunts]''
:''[Lance groans]''
:'''Lance:''' Gonna need a bike.
:'''Rex:''' Can't believe you survive that! You must be the luckiest guy on the-- These are nanites.
:''[Lance groans]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Oh, come on!
:'''Six:''' Something wrong?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Prototypes. I prefer tried-and-tested. And I don't even know what we're going to do with half of this stuff.
:'''Bobo:''' You're goin' soft, gettin' worked over by a bunch of goofballs on motorcycles.
:'''Rex:''' They had weapons.
:'''Bobo:''' Last time I checked, so did you.
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, but not while I'm on my bike. I'm strictly one at a time.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' The nanites that have infected his body are slowly poisoning him. I've never seen anything like it.
:'''Rex:''' Do what you can, Doc? I'm gonna go out and look for those racers.
:'''Bobo:''' Sounds dangerous.
:'''Rex:''' Sure, Bobo. You can come, too. The nanites we found on the biker gave off a different energy signature. Gonna use one of Holiday's new toys to try to scan for it. A bunch of them. And they're moving fast.
:'''Bobo:''' Then step on it! Maybe Holiday has a point about prototypes!
:'''Rex:''' Or maybe they're not on the streets. I'll watch the road. You watch the screen.
:'''Bobo:''' Gotta warn you-- Chimps make bad navigators!
:'''Rex:''' Just do it!
:'''Bobo:''' Hmm? Left! You're goin' left! Make a right! Another right!
:'''Rex:''' Which way?
:'''Bobo:''' I don't know! That way-ish! Wah! Like I said-- Monkeys make great navigators! This is your biker gang?
:'''Rex:''' They had weapons before I'm telling you-- They're tough!
:'''Bobo:''' If you say so.
:''[Bobo grunts]''
:'''Bobo:''' Wall.
:''[Bobo and Rex grunts]''
:'''Moss:''' That's some fancy ridin'. You following us, kid?
:'''Rex:''' Still think they don't look tough?
:'''Bobo:''' I take it back.
:'''Moss:''' Who are you, kid? 'Cause whoever you are, you're not bad.
:'''Rand:''' You're awesome! Where'd you learn to ride like that? Anybody with that kind of skill should be with us. Yeah!
:'''Moss:''' What's your secret?
:'''Rex:''' No secret. I'm just built that way.
:'''Lunk:''' Is that guy from TV-- The one who fights EVOs.
:'''Bobo:''' Five bucks for pictures, ten bucks for autographs.
:'''Rand:''' A talking monkey! Outrageous! I gotta have one. Is he for sale?
:'''Bobo:''' Brother, you can't afford me.
:'''Rex:''' You guys seem tight-- For guys who try to kill each other.
:'''Rand:''' We're not killers. We're racers. This is a legitimate sport.
:'''Moss:''' It is what it is. Our races aren't for the weak. Name's Moss. You've met Rand.
:'''Rex:''' He tried to blow me up.
:'''Rand:''' I missed. You're welcome. Come on, don't leave me hangin'.
:'''Moss:''' Never met a celebrity who could ride.
:'''Rex:''' I caught you, didn't I?
:'''Moss:''' But are you tough enough try me?
:'''Rex:''' Try me.
:'''Bobo:''' You gotta fight back?
:'''Rex:''' With what?
:'''Bobo:''' Oh, brother. Fine, leave it to Chimpy. Aah! I'll take that. Phbt!
:'''Rex:''' Something else on the map-- Moving fast! And it's big!
:'''Providence Agent:''' Halt! You kids! Pull over! Now!
:'''Moss:''' Cops!
:'''Bobo:''' Worst than cops-- Providence.
:'''Rex:''' The bikes give off a nanite signature. They must have tracked it.
:'''Providence Agent:''' Rex, what are you doing here?
:'''Rex:''' Research. You don't want to get caught up in this! Back off now! Sorry, guys. Have Black Knight sent me the bill.
:'''Rand:''' Ha! No way! You want to beat me, you gotta step your game up. Aah!
:''[Rand groans]''
:'''Rex:''' Rand!
:'''Bobo:''' Don't stop! Kid's wearing armor. He's fine.
:'''Rex:''' No! Something's wrong!
:''[Rand groans]''
:'''Rex:''' What is this thing? Doc? Get over here quick. We've got another one.
:'''Biker gangs:''' WHOO-HOO-HOO!
:''[Biker gangs laughs]''
:'''Biker gangs:''' Yeah!
:'''Moss:''' We thought you'd bailed on us. Where were you?
:'''Rex:''' Watching a doctor try to save Rand's life.
:'''Moss:''' Racers get sick sometimes. It's part of the life.
:'''Rex:''' Those nanite power sources-- you got to stop using them. To feel one with the road, that rush? So some people get sick. When we're on our rides, nothing else matters.
:'''Rex:''' Your rides are killing you! You're gonna be dead-- All of you! And for what? So you can go a little faster?
:'''Moss:''' We need those things to ride. You know what it's like.
:'''Lunk:''' Please. Don't take our bikes away.
:'''Rex:''' Nobody's going to take your bikes. But I need to know where you got those nanites.
:'''Lunk:''' ''[sighs]'' A guy named Valve. He supplies the superchargers.
:'''Moss:''' You're wasting your time. Valve never talks to anybody.
:'''Rex:''' He'll talk to me.
:'''Bobo:''' Been in a lot of bad biker dives, but this is the worst I've ever seen.
:'''Valve:''' Enter, strangers. The biker will see you now. Please, sit. May I offer you some tea?
:'''Rex:''' I'll pass.
:'''Valve:''' Suit yourself. I find a good cup of tea soothing-- for the body and the soul.
:''[Valve slurps]''
:'''Valve:''' You don't have to tell the biker why you're here. The biker can tell. You wish to buy a supercharger.
:''[Valve slurps]''
:'''Rex:''' Your superchargers are killing people. It's gonna stop.
:''[Valve breathes deeply]''
:'''Valve:''' Hmm. That sounds like a challenge.
:'''Rex:''' Maybe it is. I'll race you for them. If I win, you hand over your entire stockpile.
:'''Valve:''' Shh! Your answer is on the wind.
:'''Rex:''' You're... not right in the head, are you?
:'''Valve:''' When the wind commands, the impossible game must be gamed. The challenge is accepted. We will race for the superchargers. And when the biker wins... It won't matter.
:'''Rex:''' Why is that?
:'''Valve:''' Because you'll be dead. Let the race begin.
:'''Moss:''' This is his own private track. He knows it better than anyone. You can still back out-- Probably.
:'''Rex:''' And let people become poison, like Valve? No. I can take him. Just give me something to hit him with. You guys are walking arsenals. You don't have anything?
:'''Moss:''' You didn't think we'd need 'em today.
:'''Bobo:''' Oh, boy.
:'''Six:''' Message from Holiday. The two sick teens have stabilized, but she's still a ways from finding a cure.
:'''Rex:''' It was the only weapon I could find, okay? Can I borrow the sword?
:'''Six:''' Use your own.
:'''Rex:''' On wheels? It's not gonna happen.
:'''Six:''' What's stopping you?
:'''Rex:''' Well, for one thing, I-- Um, not sure exactly.
:'''Six:''' What have I been teaching you? Focus on what you want and make it happen. No more excuses.
:''[Bobo munching]''
:''[Bobo munching]''
:'''Valve:''' You're lucky. One the very best get a chance at this track.
:'''Rex:''' Then I should fit right in. Rules of the game-- ten laps. Cross the finish line before the biker, and you may have them.
:'''Rex:''' So, is the wind talking to you now?
:'''Valve:''' The wind commands the Biker to destroy you. The Biker is happy to oblige.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Bobo:''' You gonna help him?
:'''Six:''' He's doing fine.
:'''Bobo:''' Are you watchin' the same race I am?
:''[Valve grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' You're in trouble, Rex! No. Keep it together. Keep... it... together. Six said it-- Focus. Focus. Focus!
:''[Valve laughs]''
:'''Valve:''' Oblivion.
:'''Six:''' Like I sad-- He's doing fine.
:'''Rex:''' Double-up! Where have you been all my life?
:''[Valve grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Cute toy. But I like mine better.
:'''Valve:''' Aah!
:'''Rex:''' Was there any doubt?
:'''Bobo:''' Yeah, plenty.
:''[Valve panting]''
:'''Rex:''' We had the deal. Remember?
:'''Valve:''' Like the storm that changes directions on a whim, the biker is changing the deal. 'Cause the biker-- ''[grunts]'' Doesn't like! ''[grunts]'' The biker-- ''[grunts]'' never loses! ''[grunts]'' Unh!
:'''Rex:''' First time for everything. Thank you, Six.
:'''Six:''' It was all you, kid.
:'''Moss:''' Rand!
:'''Biker gangs:''' Oh, Rand! Good to see you!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Completely detoxified. In a couple days, they'll be back to full strength. Those could be useful at the new base.
:'''Moss:''' You can't stop us from riding.
:'''Rex:''' What's stopping you? You can still ride. You just won't be poisoned by nanites. Come on. Race you back to the garage.
:''[Rex rides off]''
:'''Moss:''' ''[Chasing after Rex]'' You heard the man. Hit it!
:'''Six:''' You do realize we just turned a group of reckless teenage boys loose on the city.
:'''Bobo:''' All in a day's work.

===Heroes United, Part 1===
:'''Caesar:''' Now where are you? So it ''is'' you. This is most disturbing.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Ben:''' You know the friend you care about!? Well, I have a cousin, a grandfather, a best friend that I care about!! They don't exist here! I may never see them again! I'm totally alone! So go ahead! Do your worst.
: '''Rex:''' Maybe we can help each other.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' I'm curious how big brother knows about something from a parallel dimension.
: '''Caesar:''' Because I sent it there. In the early days of the Nanite Project, our goal was simple. Construct microscopic machines to cure diseases, grow new cells, regenerate bones. They was a control issue. Some thought a human-machine link was the answer. Others proposed that the machines control themselves. I was in latter cam. I developed the Alpha to control other nanites. To maximize its effectiveness, I had to program Alpha to think for itself. 
:'''Ben:''' Does a low explanation mean something bad on your Earth too?
:'''Rex:''' Yep.
:'''Caesar:''' Alpha developed its own consciousness. It evolved into a unique life-form. It wanted a body, but whatever it built burned out. So when Alpha attempted possessing living this, Alpha had to be eliminated. So I built a dimensional disruptor.
:'''Ben:''' Looks like a Null Void gun. We got some like those back home, too.

===Heroes United, Part 2===
:'''Alpha:''' The nanites in those creatures. They are different, powerful. Your nanites are weak. I have no use for you. Where is the boy?
:'''Holiday:''' His nanites are off limits!!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' My brother!? Look around! He's not here!
:'''Alpha:''' The father is redundant. Now that I found you.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Alpha:''' I cannot merge! What makes you so special, human? Yes. You shelter an Omega.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''White Knight:''' Don't let it get to Rex! If it drains his nanites-!
:'''Diamondhead:''' Game over. I get it.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex''': My most powerful builds came from the Omega nanite. A lot of people are going to get hurt and I can't stop it. What happens when the best you can do just isn't enough?
:'''Ben''': You get an Upgrade.
:'''Rex:''' Weren't you listening? Alpha has the Omega.
:'''Ben:''' I'm not talking about a nanite.
:(''Transforms into Upgrade'')
:'''Rex''':  Hey, what are you- ''[Upgrade merges with Rex]'' Whoa, okay, that feels weird. ''[Upgrade covers Rex's body like a suit]'' Wow, what supposed to happen now? ''[Upgrade's head appears on Rex's left shoulder]'' Uh...don't do that, you freaking me out!
:'''Upgrade''': Build something!
:'''Rex''': ''[Builds a Smack Arm, which is modified by Upgrade]'' Sweet, so what's the plan?
:'''Upgrade''': You build stuff, I make it better. Fight fight fight, we win!
:'''Rex''':  Works for me! ''[Rex builds a Boogie Pack and blasts off]''
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Alpha''': Organics who rely on machines for their power, I don't need. The machines themselves, now those I will have.
===Phantom of the Soap Opera===
:'''Rex Salazar:''' In a world he never chose and barely understands... ''[Rex looks over the countryside from a cliff, jumps and lands in a snow scene]'' One incredibly good looking guy fights for us all. His name...you know it baby...Rex. ''[jumps into a lake scene]'' Forget train wrecks... ''[punches]'' And car wrecks... ''[kicks]'' Nothing brings the pain like this Rex. ''[runs into city scene. EVO walks down street, Rex runs up, jumps, grabs EVO's head and tears it off. Holds it over his head in victory gesture.]''
:'''Actor in costume:''' Yeah, yeah, that's hilarious kid.
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Ah, anytime you want to stop trying to get me fired get back to the tour.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Sorry. Got caught up in the moment.
:'''Actor in costume:''' Ah, dude?
:''[Rex puts head back on the man in EVO costume.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' And on your left, the sound stage where they make the hit TV show Middle School Talent show.
:''[Teen girls on tour squeal and run towards it.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' That's a closed set. ''[Noah pulls on his hair]'' C'mon, this is my first week as a page, I could lose my job!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' I got this. ''[pulls girls back from stage with turbines]'' I just don't get girls, how come they get so... ''[notices something behind Noah, acts all excited]'' Huh hu oh huh... oh El Amor de la Pasion del Amor! Why didn't you tell me EADLPDA was made here?
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Um, probably because I didn't really believe you actually still watch a soap opera.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' It's a telenovela. The actresses are smoking hot. And I don't have cable?...ah c'mon dude don't be a hater. ''[crosses arms]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Whatever. We're not going in there, they get like ten safety violations a week, no one's allowed in accept crew and studio staff.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' You mean like pages? ''[Brushes Noah's shoulder with his hand, smiling. Noah brushes his hand away.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' No way. My boss is a total butt-buster for the rules and she is always watching. ''[makes binocular with his hands]''
:'''Head Page:''' You got that right bub. ''[Rex looks behind him, and jumps away]'' By the way Page, you lose something? ''[has three girls from Noah's tour group tied up in a rope]'' Found these wandering over by Middle School Talent Show. ''[Noah runs over and unties them, rope falls]''
:'''Head Page:''' ''[points to her left eye]'' I got my one good eye on you, Nixon.
:''[On set of telenovela]''
:''[Isabella crying]''
:'''Reymundo:''' Pensabas que yo era tu marido. ¡Pero fue una mentira! Pero la verdad es que soy Reymundo, el hermano diabólico de Reynaldo.
:'''Isabella:''' Yo sé, pero todavía te amo.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' ''[standing by salad bar in cafeteria looking up at TV screen]'' How can anyone say that's not great!
:''[Man in cowboy hat tips his hat to Noah]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Whoa? Celebrities know you?
:''[There are drinks on their trays at this point, then in the next frame there are no drinks on their trays and they go over to get drinks.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' The only one here who knows my name is my boss. I'm just a newb on an internship.
:''[Blond girl puts her hand on Noah's shoulder and reaches across him to get a soda, walks away, looks back and gives him a finger gun.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Yeah right, you just got a finger gun from TV weather lady Summer Sonnenshine.
:'''Noah Nixon:''' It's the page jacket not me, if you put this thing on everyone would think you work here. Still. I gotta admit it's pretty cool.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Y'know, I didn't even know you'd applied for this. But I guess when you jump ahead in time you gotta expect some surprises...OH MY GOSH... ''[drops tray]'' It's Isabella, from El Amor del Pasion del Amor.
:''[Rex throws up his arms, knocks tray into Noah's chest spilling it all over his jacket]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' AHHH!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' I know she's even hotter in real life than she is on the...
:'''Noah Nixon:''' ''[looks down at tray and jacket]'' Ohhhhh...
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Okay, okay don't worry...
:'''Head Page:''' ''[yelling at another page behind Rex]'' You call yourself a page!
:'''Rex:''' Okay worry. ''[puts his fingers together]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' This is a huge violation of the dress code, oh I am so fired!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' No you're not. Come on, move!
:''[They run to a supply closet.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' I've gotta lead another tour in 45 minutes. We can't get to a dry cleaners and back in 45 minutes.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' This is my bad, but I can fix this. ''[Noah panicking, rocking and hyperventilating]'' We just have to calm down and think. Just calm down. ''[Rex points at Noah]'' Noah, calm down!
:''[Rex grabs a bottle of pickles off the shelf, opens the lid and throw contents of jar at Noah's head. A pickle ends up in Noah's mouth, he spits it out.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Not helping. ''[Noah, calm now and not hyperventilating and rocking, wipes pickle juice out of his eyes.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Okay, listen we passed the wardrobe department on the tour, they've gotta have a washer and dryer right?
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Uh... yeah, I guess?
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Alright, good, give me your outfit and stay put, I'll take care of everything else.
:''[Scene change. Sign which says laundry stages commissary.]''
:''[Rex runs towards laundry, passes stage of telenovela. Grins and stops. Looks into open door. Looks down at soiled jacket. Up at stage doorway. Walks away. Runs back and grins bigger. Walks into stage with Noah's jacket on.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Uh...
:'''Isabella:''' Finally! You are here!
:''[Isabella kisses Rex all over his face.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' This is happening, right? I'm not going to wake up and be making out with my pillow again am I?
:'''Isabella:''' Come with me, they want to cancel us you know. That's why the studio puts us here in this place falling apart with all the accidentes.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Soap operas do not get the respect they deserve.
:'''Isabella:''' You are very wise for your age. We don't even go backstage anymore. Too dangerous.
:''[A silhouette of a rat is seen, it squeaks]''
:'''Beatriz:''' Is that our page?
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Uh...
:''[Rex falls]''
:'''Isabella:''' He's mine, I saw him first!
:''[Rex gets up and Isabella grabs him.]''
:'''Isabella:''' He is mine!!!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Hum?
:'''Beatriz:''' Why don't we let him decide?
:'''[Rex is being pulled back and forth]''
:'''Isabella:''' You would like that wouldn't you?
:'''Beatriz:''' Yes I would! Very much.
:'''Isabella:''' Fine.
:''[Girls growl at each other and walk away.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' ''[grinning]'' Did they just cat-fight over me?
:''[The girls come back with lists.]''
:'''Isabella:''' Here is a list of what I need you to do!
:'''Beatriz:''' And here's mine!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' You want me to work on the show?
:'''Beatriz:''' Claro que si, we haven't had a page on set in ages.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' But I'm not ... ''[looks over the girls]'' ...able to think of one reason why I would pass this up.
:''[Screen cuts to Noah looking out the door. He sees the chief page and closes the door quickly, after that, the scene changes back to Rex carrying boxes of water with yogurt on top.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' I got your yogurt, but I couldn't find the water you wanted. So I got these.
:'''Isabella:''' You are dead to me! But I will take this one. ''[takes yogurt]''
:''[Rex stares in shock and drops the boxes full of water.]''
:''[Old man walks in a dressing room, and Reynaldo comes out soon later.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Whoa, it's Reynaldo! Uh, coffee? ''[offers him a mug of coffee]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' Gracias.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Leche?
:'''Reynaldo:''' How dare you! I am lactose intolerant.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Uh, okay, didn't know that. Sugar?
:''[Reynaldo knocks the sugar out of his hand.]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' Real men take their coffee strong and hot. Are you suggesting that I am not a real man?
:''[Rex looks around and the phone rings.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Rex, where are you?
:'''Reynaldo:''' No phone! ''[Reynaldo knocks the phone out of his hand.]'' You will talk to me face to face. Mano a mano! ''[grabs Rex's jacket]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Hey wait what are you... ''[Reynaldo pulls Rex away from table. Stage light falls where Rex was standing]'' ...Oh, thanks!
:''[Everyone runs up to them.]''
:'''Beatriz:''' Not another accidente!
:'''Isabella:''' ''[scared]'' Ay. Dios mio! No!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' It's okay, I'm fine.
:'''Isabella:''' ''[pushes Rex down]'' My jogurt!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' I'd hate to be the guy that has to clean that up... ''[whispers to man though they look at him]'' Oh. ''[Reynaldo hands him the mop.]''
:'''Beatriz:''' If I didn't know better, I'd say that someone was trying to kill us.
:'''Reynaldo:''' Someone is. The head of the studio is trying to kill our soap opera. That's why he put us in this accursed stage, with all these accidentes. But we... ''[another stage light falls and hits his head, he falls to the ground]'' Aahh... Por que? Ay.
:''[Rex looks up and sees a mongoose...runs after it...goes backstage. Sees clowns and a sign saying “Mongo”.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Ugh! Clowns.
:''[The mongoose squeaks.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Lemme guess. You're the one who's been causing all the accidents.
:''[Mongo growls, bears teeth]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Okay, let's say we can wrap this up quietly. Last thing I need is someone wondering why the guy in the page jacket can do this. ''[wraps Mongo up in the whip thing, Mongo gets tiny, escapes, growls]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Guess that explains how you've been able to hide out back here. ''[Mongo pulls lever cannon comes out of floor and fires at Rex. Platform falls Rex dodges. Mongo squeaks]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Can we please do this a little more quietly and with a lot less YOU trying to kill me?
:''[Mongo jumps into the “O” of his name on the sign.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Wait, that's you, isn't it? You just want your job back. I can help you. ''[reaches in and tries to cure him Mongo runs out and traps Rex's hand]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Enough with the booby traps, I'm trying to help you. ''[Mongo sets off another trap]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Uh-oh. [makes big fist, weight on rope swings and hits Rex, makes noise]
:'''Beatriz:''' What's going on back there?
:'''Isabella:''' Where is that page? I am beginning to wonder ...HOW LONG IS IT GOING TO TAKE FOR HIM TO CLEAN UP MY JOGURT!!!!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' ''[Getting thrown around back stage]'' Ouch. ''[gets beat up by mechanical clowns]''
:''[Mongo cuts stars from ceiling they fall and cut Rex's jacket]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Ok, New plan-- First I smash your face, then I cure you.
:''[Mongo knocks over equipment]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' No. ''[grabs equipment, Mongo jumps on his arm, punches him and he falls]'' Oww! Look out!
:''[Actors run from set, Rex falls and smashes set]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Uhh, okay here's the deal—all the accidents you've been having they were caused by an EVO backstage. It used to be a mongoose and now it wants it's old job back. ''[last wall of stage set falls behind him]''
:'''Beatriz:''' What are jou talking about?
:'''Isabella:''' We just saw you ruin our set.
:'''Reynaldo:''' You are trying to destroy this soap opera just like the rest of them! It is true what they say, this sound stage must be cursed for us to have such a horrible page such as you, Senior... ''[looks at name badge]'' Noah Nixon.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Whoa, wait. This isn't Noah's fault.
:''[Three actors gasps]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' ''[tears off his own shirt]'' Now you insult us by talking about yourself in the third person! Somehow we must rebuild and finish our shoot! But as soon as we do, Noah Nixon, I will have you fired!
:''[Workers fixing set, Rex's phone rings.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Rex! Finally. How's the jacket?
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Umm. Well, the good news is you won't notice the stain anymore. Hey uh, by the way, your page training, did it include anything about the creepy backstage in studio B?
:'''Noah Nixon: What? Why are you--
:'''Rex Salazar:''' No reason. I was just thinking, hypothetically, what would happen if I used your jacket to take a quick peek at the telenovela and ended up chasing some killer EVO mongoose? Hypothetically... Uh...Noah?
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Sorry, just trying to figure out how to tell my parents I have no future.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Hey I got this. I hit a little snag. Just keep your pants on.
:'''Noah Nixon:''' ''[sitting the maintenance closet in his underwear]'' Heh!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Sorry, look, you don't have anything to worry about all I have to do is catch the EVO before they finish shooting and clear my... your name.
:'''Noah Nixon:''' You know what? I'm not worried. I am completely resigned to the fact that I am losing my job. ''[Noah hangs up on Rex. Rex hears dial tone.]''
:'''Beatriz:''' ''[to Reynaldo]'' You are bleeding!
:'''Reynaldo:''' What I am is an actor! We must shoot this scene. We cannot let them cancel us! ''[moans and falls on his face crushing a chair]''
:'''Beatriz:''' You cannot go on.
:'''Isabella:''' If only there were someone else here who knows our show, is fluent in Spanish, and will do a scene in which he kisses me.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' I'll do it!!!
:'''Reynaldo:''' You? The one who ruined our set and lied about the EVO? I'd rather die! But then, my life will surely end if the show is canceled, so maybe... But no! It's impossible. But yet, what is more impossible than a dream. Nothing means more than my dream of saving this telenovela!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' So, is that a--
:'''Reynaldo:''' Si. You will be our savior. And then I will have you fired. Accion!
:''[Rex is dressed as Reynaldo. Takes Isabella in his arms and looks deep into her eyes, smiles..then turns away, sees Mongo and gasps. Isabella pulls his face back to her and puckers for a kiss. Mongo squeaks and runs out the door and Rex turns his eyes towards it.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' ''[thinking]'' Okay no kiss, but you're gonna save Noah's job! ''[groans]'' Nope. Doesn't make it any better. ''[Runs out Isabelle runs after him, trips on his wig and falls to the ground gasping, reaching after him]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' ''[makes Rex Ride to chase Mongo down alley. Runs into a set. Falls]'' Where'd you go?
:'''Guy in suit:''' You! Page! Take this script to post, pronto.
:'''Rex Salazar: Hey wait, I'm not--
:'''Guy in suit:''' Oh? You're not going to do it? Are you talking back to me Mr.... Nixon?
:'''Rex Salazar:''' No. Mr. Nixon is not definitely not talking back to whoever you are. ''[takes script, leaves]''
:'''Guy in suit:''' Nixon! ''[Points in the other direction of where Rex was going. Rex goes where he's pointing]''
:''[Rex walks by alley hears Mongo munching garbage, sneaks up, tries to cure it. It escapes, Rex corners it in dead end alley]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Oh you're not so tough when you can't hide, are you? ''[Mongo growls and grows huge]'' Oh so you can do that too. ''[Mongo roars, swipes at Rex with claws]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Hey, watch the jacket. I'm in enough trouble already. ''[Sets down scripts. Big fists. Mongo shrinks to escape. Rex falls to the ground. Mongo gets huge again behind him, tries to stomp on Rex, Rex rolls out of the way, Mongo shrinks and runs away, Rex climbs out of hole in ground breathing heavily and falls to ground.]''
:'''Guy in suit:''' ''[walks up]'' Are you kidding me? You still haven't delivered that script? ''[Rex runs off]''
:'''Guy in suit:''' Nixon! ''[points in other direction, Rex runs that way]''
:''[Mongo jumps off roof grows huge lands on Rex, grabs script.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Hey, gimme that! ''[grabs Mongo with big fist throws him into a stage building]''
:''[Rex looks in the hole into the stage.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Sorry. ''[runs off after Mongo]''
:''[Mongo throws him higher than the roof tops, Rex lands on big feet, Mongo tackles him. Rex lands in front of the post building, grabs remains of script out of Mongo's mouth. Mongo runs away, Rex gathers script remains and hands it to man at post door.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' I think this is for you. ''[runs after Mongo]''
:''[Phone rings]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Did you catch it?
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Not yet, but I delivered a script for you, well, most of it.
:'''Noah Nixon:''' I am so dead.
:'''Lady with clipboard:''' ''[grabs Rex by the collar]'' Noah Nixon, you're right on time for your two p.m. tour. ''[Gives Rex clipboard and keys]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' ''[Driving tram with tourists]'' Uh, there's a building where some TV shows are made and there's another one and oh great there's the giant killer EVO.
:''[Mongo chasing tram, Rex steps on gas. Tram goes sloooow. Mongo attacks tram. Rex lands, catches tourists with big hands, flies off on hoverboard]''
:'''Tourist:''' They had better special effects at my kids' school play.
:''[Back on soap opera stage]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' I need a bigger reaction from you. Bigger!
:''[Rex crashes through ceiling with Mongo hanging on the bottom of his hoverboard, heading towards Isabella.]''
:''[Isabella screams and covers head, Mongo crashes into set]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' Yes! That's it exactly!
:''[Mongo growls]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Be careful or you're gonna get the hand. ''[big fists with right hand. Mongo jumps at him, Rex grins and raises his left hand and cures Mongo. Mongo lays on ground cute and unconscious.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' That's not the hand I meant.
:''[Actors, stunned, applaud]''
:''[Rex picks up Mongo.]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' You are a good page, Noah Nixon.
:''[Mongo wakes up runs around on Rex and perches on his shoulder cutely.]''
:''[At supply closet with Noah, Rex walks in holding torn up jacket]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Oh, my jacket! ''[Cuddles jacket, then holds it up and glares at Rex through the hole in it. Rex grins guiltily.]''
:''[Head Page walks in, Noah hides jacket, then realizes he is in underwear and tries to hide himself behind jacket.]''
:'''Head Page:''' I got a dozen calls from all over the lot about you, Nixon. I don't know what you were thinking. ''[He sits down, sweat runs down his face, he closes his eyes, frowns, runs head away. Head page grabs him and hugs him.]''
:'''Head Page:''' I'm proud of you, kiddo! It took me sixty seven years to make chief page. I bet you'll get the job in half that time. ''[Noah stands up holding jacket in front of him. Rex and Noah look puzzled Head Page walks to door, turns back]''
:'''Head Page:''' Oh and them soap opera fellas, eh, they got a special reward for you. ''[they look at each other with puzzled frowns]''
:''[Telenovela stage, Noah dressed as Reynaldo. Isabella kisses him.]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' And cut! You look differante than you did before, Noah Nixon. ''[Noah looks up at his blond eyebrows and takes off the wig and mustache. Smiles at Reynaldo. Reynaldo looks at him thoughtfully.]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' I can see you've been to makeup. Good you finally look like a real man! ''[Noah smiles.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' [peeking in from backstage, makes a jealous face as Noah is laughing together with the actors.] It's OK, it's OK. You're a good friend, you're a good friend.
:'''Guy in suit:''' You! Quit talking to yourself and get me some coffee! ''[Rex runs off]'' Nixon!
:''[Mongo looking down from rafters]''

===Riddle of the Sphinx===
:'''Egyptian Guide:''' They uncovered the tunnel during routine sewer work. No one has set foot in here in over 3.500 years.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Providence doesn't work the location yet?
:'''Egyptian Guide:''' ''[laughs]'' The antiquities comission does not like this Black Knight. They keep her busy with much paperwork.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' The maze looks like it extends for miles. They do that to keep looters out?
:'''Egyptian Guide:''' Or to keep something in.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Anything that was trapped in here couldn't be alive after all this time.
:'''Egyptian Guide:''' I-I-I must go.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''': Watch out! Bobby traps.
:'''Egyptian Guide:''' That's not what I'm afraid of.
:'''Bobo:''' It's only been a few days since we heard from Holiday.
:'''Six:''' Something's wrong.
:'''Bobo:''' Maybe she wanted a vacation from you clowns. &quot;Something's wrong.&quot;
:''[Bobo grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Providence! She in is trouble.
:'''Six:''' Black Knight. And she has your better half.
:'''Bobo:''' I'm predictin' an awkward situation.
:'''Black Knight:''' Hello, Rex. If you came for your friend, I'll have to disappoint you.
:'''Rex:''' That hairy creep? You can keep the traitor. Hey! My faithful guide, why don't you go away while we discuss business?
:'''Bobo:''' It's me, you dopey tin can! Beat it! Or the boss lady's gonna get wise to our little switcheroo.
:'''Rex:''' What's the campout for?
:'''Black Knight:''' Routine scientific research.
:'''Rex:''' Look, I know Holiday was here. What'd you do with her?
:'''Black Knight:''' We arrived an hour ago. The locals say Holiday unleashed a monster down in the tunnels. The situation's under control. As soon as we've secured the tunnels, I'll send a team in to see if she's still alive.
:'''Rex:''' I'm going with you.
:'''Black Knight:''' You're going nowhere. You quit Providence. Unless you're recosindering?
:'''Rex:''' Come on, guide. Holiday's in those tunnels. But Black Knight has a whole battalion of Providence goons guarding the entrance.
:'''Six:''' I figured she'd be no help. That's why I found someone who knows a back way in.
:'''Egyptian Cooker:''' The Kushari is healthy. For the stomach, good.
:'''Rex:''' Enough about the Kushari! Where's the back entrance?
:'''Egyptian Cooker:''' For so young, you in such a hurry. And old cook like me, I live by selling Kushari. Why not buy some? You buy, I give you more information.
:'''Bobo:''' Ah, come on. Stop bein' so stingy. Buy some more.
:'''Six:''' Where's the back entrance?
:'''Egyptian Cooker:''' The sewer man-- They came to fix a leak. They found the tunnel to the entrance in my basement.
:'''Bobo:''' Mmm!
:'''Rex:''' Way cool! Maybe we'll see some mummies!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Tell us where Holiday is!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Where do you think I am?
:'''Six:''' Holiday!
:'''Bobo:''' So, what's with the halloween get up, doc?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I found it in one of the chambers. Scares off the curious. I need to get to the bottom of all this before Black Knight.
:'''Rex:''' The bottom of what? This is all ancient history?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' You can this ancient history?
:'''Rex:''' That looks like a nanite!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' That's because it is a nanite.
:'''Six:''' How could they have knowledge back then?
:'''Rex:''' Aliens! Like the ones that built the pyramids.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' None of this is more advanced that the 21st century. It's not aliens. I think the answers lie behind this door. But I can't figure out how to open it.
:'''Rex:''' Open the door? No problem, Doc!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Stop! This whole place is booby-trapped. We open this wrong, they'll bring the tunnels down on us.
:'''Rex:''' If there's a wrong way to open it, then that means there's a right way, too. Maybe the nanite picture is a clue. The whole thing is rigged like one. Told you-- No prob. Whoa, mumies.
:'''Bobo:''' What are you lookin' at, beautiful?
:'''Rex:''' Ha! Awesome! I'd love to see the look on Knight's face when she finds out we've beat her here.
:'''Black Knight:''' Then let me step a little closer so you can see.
:'''Six:''' How'd you find us?
:'''Black Knight:''' Your mole helped me.
:'''Bobo:''' Sorry, pal.
:'''Black Knight:''' I should have known better. It's old junk from the dead.
:''[Black Knight gasps]''
:'''Guranset:''' Gharun Set is not dead.
:'''Rex:''' Put her down!
:'''Black Knight:''' This isn't the time for violence. Our host has forgotten his manners. I presume he hasn't had guests in a long time.
:'''Guranset:''' Almost an eternity. Gharun Set said has waited for his release. Awaken this cursed prison through the ages.
:'''Black Knight:''' You speak English. That is interesting. Who taught your own language, Gharun Set?
:'''Guranset:''' I was taught by the great father.
:'''Black Knight:''' Father? What did he look me?
:'''Guranset:''' He is dead-- As all of you soon shall be!
:'''Black Knight:''' Now's the time for violence.
:'''Guranset:''' Aah!
:'''Black Knight:''' A nanite disrupter. Something I had your brother's lab whip up. It's quite lethal.
:'''Rex:''' Looks like the lab forgot to tell him that.
:'''Guranset:''' The boy controls the engines of life? It can't be. I laid low the armies of six kingdoms, swordsman. You think your tiny blades can stop me?
:'''Rex:''' Try this one for size!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex!
:'''Rex:''' Huh?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' His staff is a nanite disrupter. Get it away from him.
:'''Rex:''' Easier said than done!
:'''Guranset:''' Haah!
:'''Rex:''' Oh, mummies!
:'''Bobo:''' Yeah, yeah, you got your mummies. I hope you're happy!
:'''Six:''' Rex! We can handle this! He's getting away!
:'''Guranset:''' One last trap to keep me imprisoned, father. Nothing will keep me from my destiny! You serve his plan, child, and don't even know it.
:'''Rex:''' Everybody talk weird in ancient Egypt, or it is just your special thing? Uh... are they supposed to do that?
:''[Rex sighs]''
:'''Guranset:''' Finally! I am free!
:'''Six:''' These EVO's won't say dead.
:'''Bobo:''' Their breath stinks, too! Ah, boy!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' You could thank me for saving your life.
:'''Black Knight:''' Dr. Holiday, our lives are not safe yet.
:'''Guranset:''' I am not alone. Together, we shall reconquer this land, and then.. the world!
:'''Rex:''' Uh, I think the sun's baked him loopy. You can't reanimate that. It's a statue.
:'''Guranset:''' This is not statue, child. It is a tomb. Arise, my mighty steed. Arise, my sphinx!
:'''Rex:''' Providence, this is Rex. You may want to evacuate Cairo.
:'''Guranset:''' This city is a blight upon my kingdom. All shall be as it once was.
:'''Rex:''' I'm warning you, Gharun Set-- I don't want to have to get rough with you. Step off the pussycat.
:'''Guranset:''' You presume to tell a pharaoph what to do. Be gone!
:'''Six:''' Holiday. There's something I want to tell you before it's too late.
:'''Bobo:''' Ugh. Hold still! Oh, no.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' All of them. Like the nanites keeping them alive... self-destructed? I'm sorry. What were you going to say?
:'''Six:''' Holiday... I, uh...
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Hold that thought.
:'''Bobo:''' What's it gonna be, the kooky chicks or we go help Rex save the world?
:'''Six:''' Rex probably has this under control. Holiday needs my-- our help.
:'''Bobo:''' Yeah, I can't resist a good catfight either.
:'''Rex:''' Let me handle! This it's too dangerous!
:'''Pilot:''' Black Knight, target sighted. It's riding a 50-foot-tall house cat. Please advise.
:'''Black Knight:''' Do not harm. Contain and capture. We need that specimen.
:''[Black Knight gasps]''
:'''Black Knight:''' Pilot disregard. Last order. Target no longer needed. Destroy. Repeat-- Destroy.
:'''Pilot:''' You're with the lady. Lock and load.
:'''Rex:''' Huh? Whoa! Get out of here! I don't know what he's up to, but it's not good.
:'''Garunset:''' Behold the majesty of my dream. My kingdom! My paradise!
:'''Rex:''' Whoa!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' What is this place?
:'''Black Knight:''' It's the stuff of legends. The fabled hall of records which lay hidden beneath where the sphinx once was.
:'''Bobo:''' &quot;Was&quot;?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' This can't be! That's the helix splitter. And that looks like a nano-flux inducer. Caesar built the first prototype of one last year.
:'''Black Knight:''' I can't let you touch any of this. It's too unstable with age. When you blundered in the tomb, you set off a safeguard. Someone thought this room too dangerous for the world to know about.
:'''Bobo:''' Agreed. Let's scram!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' We can't! Don't you know what this means to science? The knowledge in here is invaluable. It cannot be lost-- Again!
:'''Black Knight:''' It won't be! Now that we know where it is, we can dig it out later. We will study it. I promise you that.
:'''Six''': Holiday. Let it go.
:'''Guranset''': As father promised-- I will rule forever.
:'''Rex''': Forever is gonna be shorter than you think.
:'''Guranset''': No! Nooooo!
:'''Rex''': Aw, come on! I didn't hit you that hard!
:''[Guranset gasps]''
:'''Rex''': What's happening to you?
:''[Guranset gasps]''
:'''Guranset''': Aaaaaaaaah!
:''[Guranset grunts]''
:'''Guranset''': Do not touch your pharaoh.
:'''Rex''': You need help. Your nanites are dying of old age-- I think. It's like starting an old car. Uh, o-or a camel. Let me help you. I can fix your nanites, and then maybe--
:'''Guranset''': Lies!
:'''Rex''': You're in a strange time, a strange place. We have science, machines. We can help you. Trust us.
:'''Guranset''': Like you trust the woman you call Black Knight? I see now this is a world of lies. You and I have no place in it. Father told me of you... Rex.
:'''Rex:''' What? How do you know my--
:'''Guranset''': I would have helped the world. Ended the hunger, the wars. But now he will return. Avenge me. ''[Echoing]'' I see now this is a world of lies. You and I have no place in it.
&lt;hr width80/&gt;
:'''Black Knight:''' You wanted something?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' The hall of records-- You can't keep it a secret. It must be studied. That hall--
:'''Black Knight:''' What hall?
:'''Rex:''' Why'd you do that?! Holiday said--
:'''Black Knight:''' Some secrets are best left buried under the sands, Rex.
:''[Dr. Holiday grunts]''
:'''Black Knight:''' Gentleman. Dr. Holiday.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Six, what'd you want to tell me back in the tomb?
:'''Six:''' It can wait.
:'''Rex:''' Don't wait too long.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' All those priceless artifacts. And we still don't know who created Gharun Set.

===Guy vs. Guy===
:'''Rex:''' This means war.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;

===Double Vision===
: ''[The episode starts as a butterfly flies through plants in a flower shop. Suddenly, Rex is thrown into the shop window, making nearby civilians run away. Rex gets up and looks out of the broken glass, seeing a beastly plant EVO, a few people watching, and Agent Six slashing his swords around to evade the EVO's tentacles.]''
: '''Rex:''' ''[Pants and brushes leaves off his sleeve and puts on goggles.]'' Not bad!
: ''[Uses the Punk Busters to jump out of the shop and generates his Smack Hands to uppercut the EVO, causing it to crash into a nearby building.]'' But I'm better!
: ''[The EVO gets out of the glass windows and roars, attacking Agent Six.]''
: '''Agent Six:'''	''[Cuts off a tentacle and walks towards Rex.]'' Talk is cheap, Rex. Prove it.
: '''Rex:''' ''[Generating the Smack Hands.]'' No problemo.
: ''[The EVO rushes towards Rex, unfortunately, Rex grabs it and slams it onto the ground. A random girl is driving up the road on a moped. However, she is stopped as the EVO blocks the path.]''
: '''Rex:''' ''[Putting his hands up to assure the girl.]'' Nothing to worry about, I've got this handled. ''[Turns to EVO, whom is still on the floor.]'' Okay big guy, say adiós to those nasty nanites.
: '''Rex:''' ''[Rex kneels down to cure the EVO, flowers spout out of the EVO]'' Aw, for me? Does this mean we're dating?
: ''[Suddenly, the flowers shoot out some goo into Rex's face, making him slam onto the floor, a crowd forms around the battle.]''
: '''Rex:''' ''[Yelps while getting up and pulls his goggles off and wipes the goo off his face.]'' Oh, that's better. ''[He gives his goggles to the random female on the moped]'' Hey! Watch these for me. ''[Runs back into battle and generates the Punk Busters and kicks the blacked out EVO over a building.]'' Goal! Hey thanks for holding onto my...huh?...
: ''[Rex turns around to see the girl missing from the crowd. Deforming his Punk Busters, he spots the girl riding away on her moped. She turns to look back at Rex, appearing to have on his goggles.]''
: '''Rex:''' Goggles!
: ''[Rex puts one of his hands up to signal for her to wait, but the EVO returns and wraps its tentacle around Rex's neck. The EVO twists Rex in mid-air in the sky for a minute before slamming him onto the cement. Rex gets up and sees the goggle girl riding away out of sight.]''
: '''Rex:''' Hey! You've got my...ungh...goggles... Aah! Ungh! Did you see that girl?! She stole my goggles!
: '''Agent Six:''' Priorities, Rex.
: '''Rex:''' They are my priority, Six. I can pound EVOs any day. Those goggles are-- Ah, great. Who invited her?
: '''Black Knight:''' Stand down, gentlemen. We've got this covered.
: '''Rex:''' We don't need any help. Whoa! Whoa! Ungh!
: '''Black Knight:''' Obviously. Control collar-- Now. We'll take it from here.
: '''Rex:''' Take it from whe-e-re?! I've already got this under contro-o-o-o-l! Whoa! Ugh! Let me try to cure it.
: '''Black Knight:''' The new Providence protocol is to confine, constrain and control. If curing is an option, it will be considered-- At my discretion.
: '''Rex:''' Control? I can cure it now and end this.
: '''Black Knight:''' The offer still stands. If you want to come back to Providence, you can continue your mission.
: '''Rex:''' I have my mission!
: '''Black Knight:''' Curing every EVO on Earth isn't a mission, Rex. It's an impossibility.
: '''Rex:''' Watch me.
: '''Black Knight:''' Everybody back! Contain those seedlings!
: '''Rex:''' You just made it worse! Now I've got to clean up your mess. Starting with this guy. See? Fearing works!
: '''Black Knight:''' It was your actions that exacerbated this situation. I want full containment and control over those seedlings. Move out-- Now.
: '''Agent Six:''' While you were arguing, Holiday found another sprout. Let's go deal with that before Providence does.
: '''Rex:''' But-- My goggles!
: '''Agent Six:''' Focus, Rex. We've got work to do.
: '''Rex:''' Nice work!
: '''Agent Six:''' Drop in the bucket. Look below.
: '''Rex:''' Wow. And I thought I'd be able to knock off early today.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' On the contrary, Rex. By overlaying current worldwide wind patterns on top of international population centers, we're looking at total global infestation within thirty-eight hours.
: '''Bobo:''' Ooh, that's a lot of roughage.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' I need to get in the field and obtain some live samples. Bobo and I will meet you at the rendezvous point in the mobile command center.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, doc. We're almost there. Hey! It's that girl! Wh-o-o-o-oa!
: '''Agent Six:''' What's gotten into you, Rex?
: '''Rex:''' My goggles-- I can't see without them!
: '''Agent Six:''' Obviously, you can see without them.
: '''Rex:''' Well, yeah, but I really need them a lot of the time. Don't you remember when I first got them?
: '''Agent Six:''' Actually, no.
: '''Rex:''' Oh. Sorry. My bad. It was early on, when I was just learning to control my powers. Whoa!
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Rex:''' Aaaah! Aah! Aaaaah! Oof!
: '''Agent Six:''' Horse manure.
: '''Rex:''' This is exactly why I need my goggles! Hey! I thought this thing was just a sprout!
: '''Agent Six:''' It's the nature of plants to grow.
: '''Rex:''' Hm. Very Zen of you, Six. Well, it's the nature of me to kick EVO butt! Whoa! Oof! Yuck! This stuff really stinks!
: '''Agent Six:''' All yours.
: '''Rex:''' Ta-da! And for my next trick... Oh, and look who's late to the party.
: '''Black Knight:''' ''[Entering]'' Alpha team, I want you to lay down suppressive fire and--
: ''[Realizing the EVOs not there]''
: '''Black Knight:''' Belay that. Sit Ops, I was told we had a Class-Three EVO situation here. Where is the EVO?
: '''Rex:''' ''[Rex hands her flowers]'' Sorry. This is all that's left. Six, are we good here? I've got to run.
: '''Agent Six:''' I'd put those in water.
: '''Black Knight:''' Unh!
: '''Rex:''' Slow down! I just want to-- Ungh!
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Rex:''' Huh? What?! No way! Hey! You've got my-- Ugh! Whoa! ...Goggles.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' You've got bigger problems than a girl on a scooter, Rex. First a flower shop, then gardening supplies. It's getting hungrier. Gentlemen, I suggest you get to the sewage-treatment plant as quickly as possible.
: '''Rex:''' Huh? Why?
: '''Agent Six:''' Fertilizer, Rex, as in if those sprouts chow down on that much raw nourishment, we're in some deep...
: ''[Plant EVO bursts through a nearby wall]''
: '''Rex:''' ...Horse maneure. Hungry? Eat this!
: '''Agent Six:''' Holiday, get to the sewage plant. We'll meet you there after we clean up.
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Clean up? I'd rather make a mess! Shoulda brought my chainsaw.
: '''Agent Six:''' Shoot the seedlings!
: '''Rex:''' Huh? Okay, this time I'm going to--
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Hey! Wait! Aw, man! Back off!
: ''[Rex panting]''
: '''Bobo:''' You went a little nuts there, buddy. I like it! But... Goggles?
: '''Rex:''' That EVO interrupted before I could finish the story.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Agent Six:''' Here, kid. Try these on.
: '''Rex:''' Um, so I can look like a total doofus?
: '''Agent Six:''' You have no idea how unique these goggles are, Rex. A reclusive weaponsmith in Zurich crafted this single pair before he turned EVO.
: '''Rex:''' Really? And then what happened to him?
: '''Agent Six:''' I did. He won't be crafting any more goggles.
: '''Rex:''' Cool!
: '''Agent Six:''' These are one-of-a-kind, Rex-- Special, for you.
: '''Bobo:''' What a bunch of chimp chips! Those goggles are-- Whoa!
: '''Rex:''' Wow. That is a lot of rampaging EVO.
: '''Bobo:''' Yeah. Lucky holiday-- She's right in the thick of it.
: '''Rex:''' Lucky?
: '''Bobo:''' She gets to try out all the special modifications I made to that sweet ride.
: ''[Dr. Holiday grunts]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[Plant EVO has Holiday trapped inside the Mobile Command Center]'' Okay. Let's see how you like 10,000 volts of--
: ''[Holiday presses a button, and music starts playing]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Bobo's mix tape?! Who puts the stereo next to the weapons system?! One more time-- Big red button. Always go for the big red button. Unless you don't want to drain the batteries to zero.
: ''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Bobo, your improvements could use some improvements. Rex, if you're not too busy, I'd appreciate a little assistance.
: '''Bobo:''' Hey, ain't that your girlfriend?
: '''Agent Six:''' She can take care of herself, right, Rex?
: '''Rex:''' Right-- For now.
: ''[Dr. Holiday gasps]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' That's more like it. Ungh! Fine! Let's see how you like this! I don't know what you just did, Rex, but thanks. Rex?
: '''Black Knight:''' I admit our last encounter didn't end well, but I think we need to work together on this one.
: '''Rex:''' You want to work together? We left Providence, remember?
: '''Black Knight:''' Rex--
: '''Rex:''' What happened to &quot;stay out of my way&quot;?
: '''Black Knight:''' Rex!
: '''Rex:''' So now when you need somebody to take out your trash, you can just forget that I quit your crummy organization?
: '''Black Knight:''' Yes, Rex, I can, because I don't let my emotions guide my choices. I only want what's best for Providence-- And the world.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, cool. Just wanted to hear you say it. Aah!
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, the EVO is too big to cure without getting to its core.
: '''Rex:''' Yeah, well, I'm not doing much good out here!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' All those vines, the seedlings, everything-- They're just puppets to the plant. Stop those nanites in the core, and you cut the strings.
: '''Rex:''' On it! Huh?!
: '''Agent Six:''' Watch it, Rex.
: '''Rex:''' Whoa! All I want are my goggles. All I've wanted all day are my goggles, and this EVOs been blocking me over and over! Hey, Bobo, you know how to shoot one of these?
: '''Bobo:''' Eh, how hard could it be?
: '''Rex:''' Load me into this thing and point it right at that EVO's sweet spot. And hurry. I got better stuff to do.
: '''Bobo:''' You do know that's 30,000 gallons of raw sewage you're aimin' at?
: '''Rex:''' Don't remind me. Oh... Yuck! Yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck!
: '''Agent Six:''' Elegant solution, Rex.
: '''Bobo:''' You don't smell elegant. You stink worse than me. I'm a little jealous.
: '''Black Knight:''' All right, Rex. Get to work.
: '''Rex:''' Work? What do you mean? I just served that vegetable!
: '''Black Knight:''' You cut the strings, but you still have to fix the puppets.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' She's right, Rex.
: '''Black Knight:''' You want to cure the world? Start curing.
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Rex:''' Whoa, man, I'm beat! I don't think I can move another inch if you paid me.
: ''[Goggle girl rides past him]''
: '''Rex:''' Gotta move! See ya! Hey! Stop for a second! Six, I'm really starting to think this girl's got some kind of EVO action going on-- Teleporter, speedster, something.
: '''Goggle girl:''' Hey!
: '''Rex:''' Huh? Six, she's not just a teleporter. She can make doubles of herself-- Multiple abilities! She's an EVO, like me!
: '''Goggle girl:''' It's the skeevy guy who's been chasing me. He was chasing me, too. And me. What do you want?
: '''Rex:''' You took my goggles! I want them back!
: '''Goggle girl:''' Hey, Einstein, did you see our logo? That stands for &quot;Goggle Girl&quot;, as in the delivery service. You haven't ever heard of us?
: '''Rex:''' Um... No.
: '''Goggle girl:''' &quot;Nothing is cuter than a girl on a scooter.&quot; Kind of hard to miss.
: ''[Goggle girl groans]''
: '''Goggle girl:''' It's the worst slogan ever.
: '''Rex:''' But-- But my goggles!
: '''Goggle girl:''' Part of our costume. The boss buys them in bulk, along with these cheesy wigs he makes us wear. It's kind of lame.
: '''Rex:''' In bulk?! Those goggles?! But... They're one-of-a-kind! They're special! They're-- They're... I'll just go now. Nope. Nope. Definitely not.
: '''Agent Six:''' I still don't know why those goggles were so important to you.
: '''Rex:''' You gave to me, Six. It was the first present, the first nice thing that I remember getting since you found me. You said they were special, and that made me feel special.
: '''Six:''' Yes, about those goggles... Apparently, according to Bobo, I may have misled you. There was dozens of them in the Providence service bay.
: '''Rex:''' I knew the story was fake, but you told it because you cared about me. That's what made them special.
: '''Agent Six:''' I see.
: '''Bobo:''' Hey, champ. You got a package.
: '''Goggle girl:''' Sign, please.
: '''Agent Six:''' It's for you. From us. Just open it.
: '''Rex:''' My goggles!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Better. We commissioned an enhanced version.
: '''Rex:''' Cool! Infrared... Microscopic... Nanovision?! Thanks, you guys. You really are one-of-a-kind.
: '''Bobo:''' Those are great, but these are me.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' I just need to hold on to them for a few more hours while I run a full diagnostic.
: '''Rex:''' A few hours?! I just got them! Aw!
: '''Bobo:''' Here-- Because I care.
: '''Goggle girl:''' They actually look kinda cute.
: '''Rex:''' Hey, doc! No rush!
: '''Bobo:''' Ain't love grand?

===Black and White===
: '''Calan:''' Be advised, we've got activity. Major activity. Stop right there, or we'll shoot! Don't make me do it.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, I know what you're thinking, but this is totally not what it looks like.
: '''Calan:''' Calan to command, tell Black Knight-- We have apprehended the intruders. Repeat, we got'em.
: '''Rex:''' No! Get out of my head! Stop it! Stop! Stop with the talking! A dream. Oh, thank you! For a second, I swore that I heard his voice. It was almost like he was in the-- Room. Huh?!
: '''White Knight:''' I was wondering if I was gonna have to send the monkey in with a bucket of water. But I thought, &quot;why should he have all the fun?&quot; Five minutes-- Situation room. Consider this your wake-up call.
: '''Rex:''' Aren't you supposed to be playing dead? You're lucky Black Knight doesn't know you're here.
: '''White Knight:''' Black Knight thinks what I want her to think. With the installation of the new regime, I suspected that there was more going on at providence than just this new control protocol. I decided to test my hypothesis. I needed time to operate freely without prying eyes. So I went off the grid.
: '''Rex:''' And from the smell of it, you haven't changed out of your suit since then.
: ''[Bobo sniffs]''
: '''White Knight:''' I've been busy. I've been tracking their operations. They involve familiar locales and even more familiar machinery.
: '''Rex:''' You still use a camera with film? Do they even make that stuff anymore?
: '''White Knight:''' What they don't make are machines like these. This is the wreckage of Rylander's lab.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Are they doing what I think they're doing?
: '''Rex:''' Do what?
: '''White Knight:''' It appears that this new Providence is restarting the nanite program.
: '''Rex:''' There is no way my brother would help restart something that nearly destroyed the world. There's got to be a good explanation. We should just ask him.
: '''White Knight:''' We can't risk direct contact. We need to infiltrate Providence, download her computer banks, and assess how far along they are before we take any other actions.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Over there.
: '''Rex:''' Just saying there's more here than meets the eye. Whoa!
: '''Six:''' Breaking into Providence? That's a big move, even for you. Black Knight is sure to have enhanced the security systems. We may be able to breach the perimeter defenses, but once inside, we'd be blind targets.
: '''White Knight:''' You'd be right if we were playing on her board.
: '''Six:''' Forgive me for doubting you.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, is someone gonna tell me what these are for? This is so not going to work.
: '''Six:''' Trust the plan.
: '''Rex:''' Huh? Okay, so, maybe they worked. But how'd you get them to do it on cue?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' All a matter of timing. Assuming we get past the outer perimeter, securing the data is a completely different story. Providence encrypts all data. We need to disable multiple units before we can download anything off the mainframe. Doing that undetected is ''[sighs]'' insane.
: '''Rex:''' Finally, a voice of reason. I'm calling my brother. Took the lady with three phds to realize what I've been saying all along is right. Hey, that costs money! I'm over my minutes!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' How did you... This is...
: '''Six:''' Doable.
: '''Rex:''' Do what? What is that? A secret passage.
: '''White Knight:''' When they built the tower, I had them install, these-- Upper-management corridors.
: '''Six:''' In the old days, they called passages like these the king's road.
: '''White Knight:''' From here, we face some unknowns. Stick to the plan. Or we could die.
: '''Rex:''' What?! Me?! What about you?! Part of the plan was to do this quietly.
: '''Calan:''' Stop right there, or we'll shoot!
: ''[Dr. Holiday gasps]''
: '''Rex:''' Here we go. Ok, I know what you're thinking, but this is totally not what it looks like.
: '''White Knight:''' Stand down, Rex.
: ''[Calan laughs]''
: '''Calan:''' Welcome back, sir. We've been waiting for you.
: '''Rex:''' Que, huh?
: '''Calan:''' Sorry for the scare, Rex. We couldn't guarantee the Black Knight wasn't taper our communications. It was best to keep radio silence. In any case-- Say hello to your man on the inside. He've got a bomb! All units, fall back, fall back! Captain Calan, do you copy? Report.
: '''White Knight:''' Ready for a repeate performance?
: '''Calan:''' Ready when you are, sir. Good luck, everyone. They're headed for the... petting zoo.
: '''Holiday:''' Here it is. Just like he said.
: '''White Knight:''' This is the Hive. The central nervous system of the entire complex. An electric field protects the inner chambers. We'll need the circuit bandage.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' I've got an idea, but you'll have to go in partially naked. We've got eyes everywhere.
: '''Six:''' Good. Knight and I will handle the encryption towers. You know what to do with this.
: '''Rex:''' No sweat. I'm on it. Just have to make one quick detour. Bro? You in here? Oh, no. No, no, no!
: '''Caesar:''' Rex, is that you? What brings you here?
: ''[Six groans]''
: '''Six:''' Partially naked. Tower one clear. Proceed to next phase.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Got it. Redirecting the data flow now.
: '''Calan:''' Anyone hear for the monkey?
: '''Rex:''' Huh?!
: '''Bobo:''' Offical pet desk. Keep your distance.
: '''Rex:''' Is that Dr. Rylander?
: '''Caesar:''' It is. Well, almost. After you brought back Van Kleiss, I couldn't help but to wonder if perhaps I might do the same for him. Unfortunately, Van Kleiss was already great in tune the nanites. As you can see, Dr. Rylander-- wasn't.
: '''Rex:''' Ok, whatever. Listen, I'm here on a secret mission.
: '''Caesar:''' Secret? 
: '''Rex:''' White Knight said--
: '''Caesar:''' White Knight is alive?
: '''Rex:''' If you can call him that. Anyway, he says... you might wanna sit down for this part? That Black Knight is restarting the nanite program. Don't you think that's messed up?
: '''Caesar:''' On the contrary. I'm in charge of it.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Commencing download in T-2 minutes. White Knight has infiltrated sector three. You're right. They are monitoring our movements. How did you know?
: '''White Knight:''' It's what I would do. Now start evac protocols.
: '''Black Knight:''' I've torn this facility apart looking for that? When I found it, I still couldn't get to it. Bio-feed security system-- Clever. You have to be nanite-free to open it. I guessed you weren't dead. I knew if I let enough info leak about what we're doing here, you've showed up, eventually. I'll take it.
: '''White Knight:''' You can try.
: '''Black Knight:''' What ever you say. You were the boss.
: '''White Knight:''' That's not a providence toy.
: '''Black Knight:''' A woman is entitled her secrets. Especially when those secrets keep me alive.
: ''[Black Knight grunts]''
: '''White Knight:''' Ohh! What I could've done with you if I hired you first.
: '''Black Knight:''' Don't fool yourself, White.
: '''White Knight:''' Ohh, ohh, ohh!
: '''Black Knight:''' You were bandage at best. the Consortium knew that you weren't the leader for the future. Stand down, old man!
: '''White Knight:''' I've got a few secrets of my own, kid. After all, this was my office. Consortium or not, it will be again.
: '''Black Knight:''' Ugh!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Be advised, they're on to us. Making for the rendezvous.
: '''Six:''' I'll take my swords back now. Please.
: '''Rex:''' What are you doing, helping Black Knight? She's obviously the more psycho of the two knights.
: '''Caesar:''' I'm not helping the Black Knight do anything. I'm trying to fix things. The day everything changed. We never imagined what would happen when we released the nanites.
: '''Rex:''' Release them?! You caused the nanite event?!
: '''Caesar:''' It was the only way we were going to save the world.
: '''Rex:''' You unleashed the worst man-made disaster the world has ever seen!! You've ruined countless lives!! How can you say that you saved anything?!
: '''Caesar:''' You weren't there... not in any way that mattered! If we hadn't--
: '''Rex:''' Hold that thought. Here, doggy, doggy.
: '''Six:''' Excessive?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Sweet, actually. Now you're overdoing it.
: '''White Knight:''' ''[panting]'' Are we finished here? ''[screams]'' Careful, Black. Your council wouldn't be too pleased if you destroyed the very thing you're after.
: '''Black Knight:''' If doesn't have to be like this, White! The Consortium may have lost faith in you, but you know my methods are right. Come back. Under my protection, who knows? There may even be a promotion in it for you.
: '''White Knight:''' You would turn on your own masters?
: '''Black Knight:''' For that kind of power, wouldn't you?
: '''White Knight:''' You would turn on your own masters?
: '''Black Knight:''' For that kind of power, wouldn't you?
: '''White Knight:''' I am going to stop the Consortium. If you or Providence gets in my way, this tape goes public.
: '''Black Knight:''' Wait!
: '''Caesar:''' Rex, stop! You're destroying my work!
: '''Rex:''' Your work is done! And so are we! I got it. Time to blow this--
: '''Black Knight:''' Stand down, Rex. Face it, kiddo... today is not your day.
: '''Rex:''' Actually, today's wednesday, and wednesday means fiesta night at the cafeteria. Getting in is going to be cake... very dangerous cake. Any bright ideas on how we're getting out?
: '''Bobo:''' I got one word for you, kid-- Plumbing.
: '''Rex:''' I got it. Time to blow this...
: '''Bobo:''' Taco stand.
: '''White Knight:''' Aah!
: '''Bobo:''' Me and Van Gogh, unappreciated in our time.
: '''Rex:''' All of that-- Was for that?! I got nanites, billions of 'em.
: '''White Knight:''' Not like this one, Rex. This is a Meta Nanite. One of several. Hardwired into its design is a program for the original Dominion Code.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Dominion Code? I thought that was a myth.
: '''White Knight:''' I can assure you, doctor, it is very real. Each one gives its host control over different building blocks of the universe- matter, antimatter, elemental, space, time, reality. With the complete code, you can control them. And through them, you control ''everything''. In sort, it's the God Code.
: '''Rex:''' The Consortium want to be...gods?
: '''White Knight:''' If it wasn't for the original Nanite Event scattering the Metas across the globe, they may have already succeeded. The situation has changed, people. Black Knight has been searching the globe for the other Meta-Nanites. She needs them all to complete the Master Program. As long as we're keeping her secret, she'll hold off. But sooner or later, she'll be coming for this with the full power of Providence and the Consortium at her back. So... if you want to move on, forget what I've told you.
: '''Rex:''' You're not getting rid of us that easily, old man. My parents died for this. Black Knight wants war, war she gets.

===Deadzone===
: '''Holiday:''' &quot;You cannot let him out of your sight, Rex. Don't you see why Black Knight wants him? He's the ultimate insurance against any E.V.O.&quot;
: '''Rex:''' &quot;Not just any. Me.&quot;
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Black Knight:''' &quot;Since the search for Feakins is going nowhere, we have no choice but to become much more aggressive with Rex.&quot;

===Assault on Abysus===
: '''Diane Farrah:''' Through research and hard work, Providence has turned the curse of the EVO into a blessing. One that will serve mankind. Science and compassion have created a new future for all EVOs. A future filled with happiness and hope.
: '''Black Pawn:''' You? Seen some EVOs pass through here?
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
*Rex and Circe finally admit their true feelings for one another. Unfortunately, there was not enough episodes to explore their romance further.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: ''[Somewhere in [[w:Hong Kong|Hong Kong, China]]'']''
: '''Circe:''' Okay. They're gone.
: '''Skywwd:''' For now. Get out of here, Circe. Run!
: '''Circe:''' I'm not leaving you guys.
: '''Skywwd:''' You can pass as human. Go before Providence gets you too! 
: '''Black Pawn:''' The girl! She's with them!
: '''Skwwyd:''' Run!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe:''' I don't know. That's the hardest part.
: '''Rex:''' You did what you had to do.
: '''Circe:''' I left them there, Rex-our friends. Providence has to be stopped. Someone needs to do something.
: '''Rex:''' ''[puts his arms around Circe to comfort her]'' We are. I promise. I'm just glad you're alright.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' Look, this can't be easy coming back here. I owe you.
: '''Circe:''' Forget it. We're even. I used you in the past, now you and your friends are using me.
: '''Rex:''' Is there a sort of problem between us?
: '''Circe:''' There's nothing between us, just the mission. I don't have good memories of this place. Lets just leave it at that, okay?
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' I have a plan. Lead them back.
: '''Circe:''' ''[concerned]'' Rex?
: '''Rex:''' When I say &quot;roll,&quot; roll.
: '''Circe:''' What?
: '''Rex:''' Roll!! Circe, sing. 
: ''[Circe uses her ultrasonic blasts on the EVOs and beams at Rex.]''
: '''Rex:''' We always made a good team.
: '''Circe:''' It won't hold them for long.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' Go. I'll get the Master-Control Nanite. ''[Notices how worried Circe is about him probably not returning]'' This isn't Hong Kong. I'll be OK. I'll meet up with you soon.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Biowulf:''' They're turned out own people against us.
: '''Circe:''' Let me see what I can do. (''Uses her ultrasonic bursts on several collared E.V.O.S''). So many.
: '''Biowulf:''' You can't stop them once they're collared.
: '''Circe:''' I can go down trying!
: '''Black Pawn:''' Her sonics are disrupting the offensive.
: '''Biowulf:''' If can't win, we'll take down as many as we can fighting.
: '''Circe:''' This isn't one battle, it's a war. And we can't let it end here before Rex has the Master-Control Nanite.
: '''Biowulf:''' What then?
: '''Circe:''' Tactical retreat.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' Providence goons are contained Biowulf. They shouldn't be a problem. And I got the Master-Control Nanite. Looks like mission accomplished.
: '''Circe:''' Rex, I... 
:(''she and Rex cling to each other as the castle begins shaking'')
: '''Black Knight:''' Rex, order your friends to surrender. You're all under Providence custody. I knew it would be impossible to get the nanite from the heart of the original nanite infestation. So the solution was to remove it.
: '''Circe:''' It's Hong Kong all over again.
: '''Rex:''' No. We'll sneak about back...and then...And then.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' &quot;They were counting on me. I don't want to leave them!&quot;
: '''Circe:''' &quot;I did what I had to do. You do what you have to. But I only want you to know: 
: All of this was ''never'' about me just using you.&quot;
:(''Finally admits her true romantic feelings for Rex in the form of a passionate kiss. She then pushes a shocked Rex off the ledge, so he could escape; and her getting collared and captured in his stead. She smiled with tears in her eyes, with the promise that she would be okay.'')
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex''' (''burdened by Circe admitting her intense love for him and sacrifice'')''':''' ''We all make sacrifices for the things we care about; the people we love. But when the stakes are this high, who can we trust? What would that power do to anyone who had it?''

===Remote Control===
: '''Cricket:''' If you think we're going to thank you for getting us out of there, Quarry...
: '''Quarry:''' I think you're going to do exactly as I say.
: (''Activates the mind-control collar on her neck'')
: '''Cricket:''' AH!!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' Cricket, it's me! Rex! Used to a crush on me!?
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' Let them go. They'll lead us straight to Quarry.
: '''Cricket:''' &quot;Used to have a crush&quot;?
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Cricket:''' You know how collared E.V.O.s follow kind of like a robot. with these collars, it's worse. It's like you're a remote-controlled robot.
: '''Rex:''' That is a nasty hack.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Quarry:''' Your friends are very valuable to me as are you.
: '''Rex:''' Like the new look- strapping.
: '''Quarry:''' Let's just say I had to find a way to &quot;keep it together&quot; after my visit to Abyuss. Just one more thing you owe me for and you know how much I like a balanced book.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Quarry:''' You'll be the crown jewel of my E.V.O. army, Rex. I may just make you my own personal slave.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Quarry:''' That collar suits you, Rex. Wish I had one for you back in the old days. Would've saved me a lot of trouble.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' The arcade- all those kids.
: '''Quarry:''' those brats were born to play games, which is what they think their doing. And I have your people to thank for the tech. That brother of yours is quite the wiz kid.
: '''Rex:''' Caesar would never...
: '''Cricket:''' Forget about Caesar, Rex! You know what you got to do!
: '''Rex:''' These guys will shred you if I leave!
: '''Tuck:''' We got this, Rex! Go!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Quarry:''' Consider the fact that you made me like this while I'm crushing you.

===A Brief History of Time===
: '''Van Kleiss:''' 4.000 years from my destination, and I've run out of of time. I've scarcely completed the vessel which shall deliver me to my own era. Gharun-Set, activate the traps-- Quickly! My greatest creation-- So useful to me, but too dangerous to roam free. If only I had time to destroy him, as I should. But I have a more pressing death I must prevent. My own. AAAAAAAAAAAH!
: '''Rex:''' Kind of defeating the whole stealth element of a stealth suit, Bobo.
: '''Bobo:''' Hey, now was I supposed to know that ghanoush went bad?
: '''Rex:''' Maybe because you found it in a garbage can.
: '''Bobo:''' On top of a garbage can.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Holiday to Rex. Are you at the site?
: '''Rex:''' There is not site, remember? Black Knight blew the pace to kingdom come.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Yet it's still guarded. And thanks to the data you stole from Providence, we know why.
: '''Rex:''' Van Kleiss back in time? I still find it hard to believe.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' You were sent six months into the future, Rex. It stands to reason that the reverse is possible.
: '''Rex:''' Well, if you expect to find him here, maybe we should check the mummy museum. We're sensing nanites-- Definitely V.K.'s. They've been dead a long time.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Over 4,000 years. I'm also detecting tachyons-- Quantum particles that travel in time. I think it's clear what he was making.
: '''Bobo:''' A latrine?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' A time machine.
: '''Rex:''' No way he pulled it off! If mister ego made it back to here and now, we'd know about it.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Some of these nanites are considerably younger. That means he was there in two different time periods.
: '''Rex:''' Time travel gives me a headache. Just tell me-- Where is he now?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' The more accurate question is, when is he?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' AAAAAAH!
: ''[Van Kleiss gasping]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Ugh! The ordeal is... draining. But now, back in my own time, I can replenish my nanite reserves and--
: '''Gladiator #1:''' Quis es tu?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I recognize the language, of course-- Classical latin. Qui-- Q-Qui annus est?
: '''Gladiator #1:''' What year is it? You dare question a captain of the imperial guard? Aegyptus is a roman Providence! Answer! Who are you?
: '''Gladiator #2:''' Don't bother-- He's clearly sun-mad.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' The dialect, the dress-- This is the second century A.D. A mere 2,000 years has passed. I'm only halfway home!
: '''Gladiator #1:''' Another escaped slave. Finish him and be done with it.
: ''[Gladiator #2 grunts]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' It was all the fight I could muster. I had no way to replace the nanites I'd spent in the journey, and my gauntlet had yet to recharge those that remained.
: '''Gladiator #2:''' This one shows spirit. He'll bring a good price in the arena.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' OOMPH!
: ''[Van Kleiss groans]''
: '''Gladiator #2:''' Save your strength.
: '''Gladiator #3:''' Where you're going, you'll need it.
: ''[Van Kleiss slurps]''
: ''[Van Kleiss gulps]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I intend to. Of the mysterious force, there is no sign. Yet I sense it is close-- Pursuing me even across the centuries. I am convinced it is a manifestation of time itself. My presence is a violation of physics-- An imbalance which the time stream seeks to correct... By wiping me from existence. But of this, I am certain-- If I do not return to my own time, it will surely destroy me.
: '''Gladiator #1:''' You are fortunate, slave. To die in the arena is a great honor.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' An honor I look forward to bestowing.
: ''[Gladiator #1 laughs]''
: '''Gladiator #1:''' You see? Spirit!
: ''[Van Kleiss groans]''
: '''Gladiator #3:''' Put on a good show, little man, and I promise to make your end a painless one.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Indeed?
: ''[Gladiator #3 grunts]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I, on the other hand, make no such promise.
: ''[Gladiator #3 grunting]''
: ''[Van Kleiss grunting]''
: '''Gladiator #3:''' AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
: ''[Gladiator #3 groans]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' One against so many? Hardly seems fair. For them.
: '''Gladiator #4:''' ARRRGHHHH!
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Ordinarily, I'd say &quot;take me to your leader,&quot; but I believe he's already here.
: '''Septimius Severus:''' Great warrior... Never have I seen such a battle. I am...
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Septimius Severus, 21st emperor of Rome, founder of the severan dynasty. And, as I recall, you poisoned your own commanding officer to get his position... And wear only boots to conceal a prodigious clubfoot.
: '''Septimius Severus:''' Are you a man... Or a God?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I find both labels rather limiting. Now, then, you are going to give me whatever I require, starting with a quiet place to work. I, in return, shall ensure the growth and security of your reign as emperor. You may call me Van Kleiss.
: '''Septimius Severus:''' Whatever your desire, great Vanklios.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Actually, it's... Got a rather nice ring.
: '''Rex:''' What's with this guy? Gets a portrait done in every time period?
: '''Bobo:''' Mm. ''[muffled]'' Truly a nutjob for the ages. Mm. Speaking of nuts... Want some?
: '''Rex:''' You've been dumpster-diving again?
: '''Bobo:''' I prefer &quot;foraging.&quot;
: '''Rex:''' Yeah. Nice sleuthing there, doc.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Nanites decay at a measurable half-life. I set our sat-net to do a global scan for the same frequency-- Ergo, Rome.
: '''Rex:''' Great. You scan for the next stop, we'll grab a pizza.
: '''Bobo:''' Pass. I'm experiencing inexpicable gastric distress.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, it would take months to scan the entire spectrum. You need to find the next decay frequency.
: '''Rex:''' Kind of like nanite connect-the-dots! Can I do it with someone else?
: '''Bobo:''' Hey, quiet, you! Rah!
: '''Rex:''' This goose chase just got a little wilder. My brother's here.
: '''Caesar:''' Caesar to Black. We've detected paleo-nanites. Tachyon readings negative. We're moving to the next hot stop.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Tachyons-- They want Van Kleiss' time machine. Follow them.
: '''Rex:''' Come on.
: '''Bobo:''' Can you give me a teeny sec? I gotta find the little gladiators' room.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Advances in the last two millenia have allowed me to complete my lab in weeks instead of months. Restrict the flow! Do you want to overload the power cells? Meanwhile, my own nanite supply continues to dwindle.
: ''[Septimius Severus panting]''
: '''Septimius Severus:''' Great Vanklios, protect me!
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I've divulged metallurgy and tactics beyond your day. No man may threaten your rule. : '''Septimius Severus:''' This is no man... But an apparition!
: ''[Septimius Severus grunts]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' What apparition? Speak, parasite!
: '''Septimius Severus:''' A spirit of doom! Numerous sightings-- The insulare, the rostra, the forum. Listen! It comes! It comes!
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Fool. It only wants me.
: '''Septimius Severus:''' Ugh!
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I release you. Go start a few legends.
: '''Septimius Severus:''' NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
: ''[Septimius Severus gasps]''
: '''Septimius Severus:''' Be gone! I beg of you! Aah!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, those stress lines-- It's the same pattern we saw in Egypt.
: '''Black Knight:''' Report.
: '''Caesar:''' These aqueducts are truly marvels of roman engineering.
: '''Black Knight:''' Have you picked up the next decay frequency?
: '''Caesar:''' Oh-- That. Yes. Uplinking to our global net. Odd. These tachyons seems unrelated to--
: '''Black Knight:''' We have the next target. Scandinavia. Move out. White Knight may have people on the trail. I expect you to do whatever it takes to procure the objective.
: '''Rex:''' Shh!
: '''Caesar:''' I've initiated the same steps as in Egypt! Come along.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, we need that decay frequency.
: '''Rex:''' Just one small problem, doc. This place... is toast.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex? Bobo? Respond!
: '''Rex:''' We're okay, doc. Not a mark on us.
: '''Bobo:''' Same can't be said for my stealth suit. Whoa!
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: ''[Rex and Bobo gasps]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' So many lives... It's become a blur. I don't know who I am anymore. Only that I must sail onward, ever onwoard down the river of time. Never resting, always moving. Further draining my nanite reserves beyond my ability to replenish. And each re-emergence, I am pursued by the nameless force. I now know it's personal. I am a virus-- An infection of space-time. Call it what you like. This is time's antibody. Whether I can borne home or drowned in its currents, this is my final journey.
: '''Rex:''' Hurry! I'm not sure if we here followed.
: '''Bobo:''' I'm sure.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Don't shoot! It's me.
: '''Rex:''' Holiday? Shouldn't you be at the plant, connecting the dots?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' No more dots to connect. The trail ends here. And... I'm reading a humanoid form inside.
: '''Rex:''' I'm confused. Is it a time machine or isn't it?
: '''Caesar:''' It's not a time machine. Are those really necessary?
: '''Rex:''' No way you're getting this time machine, bro!
: '''Caesar:''' I don't want it. And it's not a time machine.
: '''Bobo:''' Well, then, what is it? A meat locker for cold cuts?
: '''Caesar:''' Surprisingly close. We use this technique to transfer unstable nanites. It puts them into a state of dormancy.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Of course. It's a hibernation chamber.
: '''Caesar:''' Only his nanites were dormant. There would still be neuron flow.
: '''Rex:''' Mind telling me what that means, exactly?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' He was... Aware. The whole time, for hundreds of years.
: '''Caesar:''' He would have felt every minute pass.
: '''Rex:''' No way! He's totally a mummy!
: '''Rex and Bobo:''' Wah!
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Run! It's coming! It's coming?!
: '''Rex and Bobo:''' Wah!
: '''Rex:''' Easy, easy, Van Kleiss. You're back-- Back in your own time.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' No! No, it'll find me! It always does! You must protect me.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Tachyon readings off the chart! Rex, you can't affect that thing. I don't know what can.
: '''Caesar:''' It's a field of pure tachyons. I've got to get a sample.
: '''Rex:''' Oh, no, you don't!
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I'm back! Back in my own time! You shall not have me?! OHHHH!
: '''Bobo:''' Settle down, Van Winkle.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Rex shudders]''
: '''Rex:''' Oh, no. It couldn't be. I need some way to contain it!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Tachyons can't be contained!
: '''Caesar:''' Yes, they can. Rex!
: ''[Caesar grunts]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, it's too risky!
: '''Rex:''' But I know what this is. Correction-- I know who this is.
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Rex:''' Aah!
: ''[Rex groaning]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' It's... Breach.
: '''Rex:''' Breach. Breach! It's me-- Rex.
: '''Breach:''' Rex? Are you real... Or a dream?
: ''[Rex laughs]''
: '''Rex:''' Yeah, yeah, I'm-- I'm real.
: '''Breach:''' I was everywhere-- Everywhen. But I was nothing-- An emptiness, needing to be filled.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' The amp pack. Van Kleiss controlled it. When his nanites were active, Breach was drawn into his timeframe.
: ''[Van Kleiss grunts]''
: '''Caesar:''' The final joining would have destroyed them both.
: '''Breach:''' Guess I should say thanks.
: '''Rex:''' Hey, what are friends for? Um, we are still friends... Right?
: '''Caesar:''' You did well, little bro.
: '''Rex:''' And you have your time machine that... isn't a time machine. Everybody goes home happy.
: '''Caesar:''' That? A curiosity-- True. But it was never our goal.
: ''[Van Kleiss shivering]''
: ''[Van Kleiss chuckles]''
: '''Rex:''' Van Kleiss?! All this for him? what, they're gonna put him in jail?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' It's Providence, Rex. That's their jurisdiction.
: '''Caesar:''' No need to worry, little brother. He's going to be well supervised.
: '''Rex:''' Caesar, what is going on!?
: '''Caesar:''' Justice.
: '''Bobo:''' Two words-- Crème Brûlée. Ooh. Right after I make a french connection.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Ugh!
: '''Black Knight:''' Welcome back, Van Kleiss. You look terrible. Ordinarily, I'd say get some rest, but you've had enough of that, I suppose.
: ''[Van Kleiss chuckles]''
: '''Black Knight:''' Pull it together. We have work to do. Do you know who I am?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Yes. I know who you are. It's been a long time. A very, very long time.

===Mind Games===
: '''Rex''': Yeah, I wouldn't be so sure of that.
: '''Six''': I told you not to get involved, Rex. You're not at full strength.
: '''Rex''': What was I supposed to do... Just leave it?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Six has a point, Rex. You're pushed to the edge lately. You can't see everyone.
: '''Rex''': Not listening! Don't worry, dude. I'll have you out of here before you can say... Circe?!
: '''Circe''': Hey, Rex. Rex! Aaaah!
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Rex! Rex, do you read? What's going on? Your bios are low.
: '''Rex''': Leave her alone! You okay? 
: '''Circe''': I think so. We have to go.
: '''Rex''': Think that's your cue. Hang on. I think I got it. Ow! Hate this things.
: '''Circe''': Try wearing one.
: '''Rex''': I have. So, what happened? I thought providence had you at abysus.
: '''Circe''': I got away.
: '''Rex''': What about the pack?
: '''Circe''': The pack? I... don't know. Things are bad out there, Rex. I've been on the run for weeks. providence has been stepping up their capture orders. I think something big is going down.
: '''Rex''': Tell me about it. Listen, I know we're gonna want to say no, but with everything that's going on...
: '''Circe''': I should stay at the plant. It's safer, right?
: '''Rex''': Wow, that was... easy. I had a whole speech and everything.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Well, everything checks out. You're the picture of health. I wish you'd let me do some more thorough scans, through.
: '''Six''': How was it you said you got away?
: '''Circe''': It's a long story. You guys have bigger things to worry about than me... like the meta-nanites. Did you get the one from abysus? Have you found anymore?
: '''Rex''': Ugh, who cares? Let's go do something fun. You want to put Bobo' hand in shaving cream?
: '''Circe''': ''[Yawns]'' Actually, Rex, I'm kind of tired. I thing I might just crash if that's cool.
: '''Rex''': Oh... yeah. Stupid of me. You, uh, get some sleep. Hey, Doc. What are you doing?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Rex. I was just... working. What are you doing up?
: '''Rex''': Ah, it's... stupid.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Yeah, probably. But... go ahead.
: '''Rex''': I'm... excited. Since I got breached, everything's been so crazy.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Since you got breached? Right.
: '''Rex''': But with Circe back, I'm starting to think maybe things will turn out okay.
: '''White Knight''': I need everyone in the situation room in five minutes.
: '''Rex''': So much for that.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': ''[Yawns]'' What'd I miss?
: '''Rex''': Wow, Doc. You sure got comfy quick.
: '''White Knight''': Listen up, people. We need to retrieve a valuable asset before it falls into enemy hands.
: '''Six''': What's the objective?
: '''White Knight''': This man... Dr. Peter Meechum.
: '''Rex''': That guy? I remember him. Van crazy kiddnaped his daughter.
: '''White Knight''': Meechum spent the last year at a safehouse facility... Codename: Pandora's Box... location know only to me.
: '''Rex''': Why all the cloak and dagger?
: '''White Knight''': Because Meechum was one of the original scientists on the nanite project. He was given a panic button in case of emergency. 30 minutes ago... he activated it.
: '''Six''': providence?
: '''White Knight''': We have to assume they're trying to assemble the original members of the nanite project. What Meechum knows is too valuable to fall into the wrong hands, so go get him.
: '''Six''': Maybe Circe should stay here.
: '''Rex''': What? Why?
: '''Six''': She's not on the team yet... not officialy.
: '''White Knight''': Take her. She'll be useful in the field.
: '''Rex''': Ahem. You guys forget you key? Did you check under the mat?
: '''Six''': Rex, focus on the mission. Get to Meechum!
: '''Rex''': Relax, Six. I could take these guys in my sleep, especially with help from... Huh? Circe? Uh... Time-out?
: '''Six''': Peter Meechum, you need to come with us.
: '''Dl. Meechum''': ''[Scoffs]'' Took you long enough.
: '''Rex''': Time in.
: '''White Knight''': Still no sign of Circe, Rex. We'll keep looking, but for right now, Meechum is our top priority.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': We'll find her, Rex. Don't worry.
: '''White Knight''': In the meantime, Dr. Meechum, I've checked, and your daughter is safe at her boarding school in England.
: '''Dl. Meechum''': My daughter. Right.
: '''White Knight''': We can make immediate arrangements to take you to her.
: '''Dl. Meechum''': No, I'd rather stay with you if that's all right. It's, uh... It's safer.
: '''White Knight''': Of course. White Knight out.
: '''Rex''': So, after that, providence attacked abysus to get the master control nanite. Guess you were next on their list.
: '''Dl. Meechum''': I see. And all this happened in the last year?
: '''Six''': You've missed a lot since you've been away, doctor.
: '''Dl. Meechum''': Horrible. I could never work for a providence like that. I have to say it's all very impressive. providence has certainly done a lot in the last year.
: '''Caesar''': And with your help, doctor, we can do more.
: '''Dl. Meechum''': Where's White Knight? I should tell him I've arrived.
: '''Black Knight''': I can answer that for you. It's good to have you back, doctor.
: '''Dl. Meechum''': What happened to White?
: '''Black Knight''': Just a routine change in command. Nothing to worry about. If you'll excuse me, gentlemen.
: '''Dl. Meechum''': Tell me you have my money ready.
: '''Black Knight''': You get away you want when I get what I want... Not before.
: '''Dl. Meechum''': Relax.
: '''Six''': I'm a professional, aren't I?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Six, see Meechum? I have some data I'd like to go over with him. Are you... okay?
: '''Six''': Rebecca, I have something important to tell you.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Okay. Well... Thanks for tell me.
: '''Six''': Rex, are you in here? I do not understand this show.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Am I interrupting?
: '''Six''': Not at all. What can I do for you?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Nothing important. I just wanted to say... earlier... that was nice. Unexpected but nice. 
: '''Six''': Earlier?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': In the lab?
: '''Six''': I have no idea what you're talking about.
: ''[Dr. Holiday scoffs]''
: '''Rex''': Six, I need to talk to you about Circe. Uh... Six? Earth to agent guy. You okay?
: '''Six''': I'm fine. I've just decided not to waste any more time on you, Rex.
: '''Rex''': Um... Is this because I accidentaly used your swords to slice a pizza?
: '''Six''': It's because you're weak. You don't have what it takes to complete the mission.
: '''Rex''': Ohh, I get it. This is one of your test, right?
: '''Six''': No test. Just me coming to my senses. You're not strong enough to survive what's coming. In the end, you're gonna let us all down.
: ''[Dr. Holiday crying]''
: '''Rex''': Doc? What's wrong?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': I-It's nothing, Rex. I didn't want you to see me like this.
: '''Rex''': Well, what is it?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': ''[Sobbing]'' It's Six. I'm afraid of him.
: '''Rex''': What?! That's crazy talk.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Is it? You have to have seen it. He's violent, on edge. He's losing control.
: '''Rex''': Are we talking about the same Six?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': We don't even known him. He was a killer, Rex. The old Six might have changed, but how do we know this Six didn't come back... Wrong?
: '''Dr. Meechum''': ''[Whistling]'' I have a question. How do you plan to re-create the project without a bio-interface expert?
: '''Caesar''': Oh, but we do have one.
: '''Van Kleiss''': No! The string doesn't work. Gordian knot, tied up tight. Alexander cheated. Can't cheat. Eyes on your own paper! Peter? No! Can't be! Different time, different me.
: '''Dr. Meechum''': Van Kleiss? You brought back that monster?
: '''Caesar''': Of course. He was the original interface programmer. Who better?
: '''Dr. Meechum''': Excuse me a moment. White, what the heck is going on?!
: '''White Knight''': Peter? Where are you?
: '''Dr. Meechum''': I'm at providence. Where are you?
: '''White Knight''': Providence. But that's not... I have to go. We have a problem.
: '''Rex''': You're darn right we have a problem, because this isn't Peter Meechum!
: ''[Dr. Meechum laughing maniacally]''
: '''Scarecrow''': Heya, Rex. Miss me?
: '''Rex''': Who are you? Where's Meechum?
: '''White Knight''': His name's John Scarecrow. He's an EVO, specialist in infiltration. Black Knight played us.
: '''Scarecrow''': You really don't remember me, Rex? I'll give you a hint. We used to share a stomping ground. We had a problem with a shapes hifter once.
: '''Rex''': You were in Hong Kong.
: '''Scarecrow''': Give the man a prize.
: ''[Scarecrow laughs]''
: '''Six''': I think he went that way.
: '''Rex''': Wait a minute.
: ''[Rex groans]''
: ''[Scarecrow laughs]''
: '''Rex''': I cannot believe I fell for that.
: '''Scarecrow''': Look at you. You're ridiculous. You think he'll come to his senses, realize his true feelings? Then what? You'll settle down. White picket fence. Little agent kids. You're fooling yourself. You're the worst of them... you know that?...  Because you know better. You really think you can save the world? None of you can survive what's coming!
: '''Rex''': Prove it's really you. What's my favorite color?
: '''Six''': I have no idea.
: '''Rex''': It's you, all right.
: ''[Dr. Holiday screaming]''
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Put it away. I'm not the EVO.
: '''Six''': We heard you scream.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': That wasn't me.
: '''Six''': Let's all calm down. We can figure this out.
: '''Rex''': Why, Six? Because I'm weak? You don't think I can handle this?
: '''Six''': I never said that.
: '''Rex''': But you think it, right? I don't see you putting down your guns, doc.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': I know it's not me. I'm not sure about you two.
: ''[Scarecrow laughs]''
: '''Scarecrow''': So easy. I barely had to nudge you.
: '''Rex''': Whatever you're after, you're not getting away with it.
: '''Scarecrow''': Get away with it?! Re-e-e-x, I got what I needed in the first five minutes.
: '''Rex''': Then why? Why do all this?
: '''Scarecrow''': Simple. I wanted to do to you what you did to me.
: '''Rex''': I'm done with you!
: ''[Scarecrow groans]''
: '''Scarecrow''': The big hero. Why do you get to forget? It's not fair!
: '''Rex''': Whine, whine, whine. What... you didn't get enough crazy hugs as a kid?
: '''Scarecrow''': You think I'm the only one you hurt? Then tell me...
: '''Sqwydd''': What about us? Why'd you betray me? 
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: '''Scarecrow:''' ''[as Circe]'' You promised to protect me, Rex! Where were you?
: '''Rex:''' Stop it!
: ''[Rex groans]''
: ''[Rex breathing heavily]''
: '''Caesar''': Face it, bro. It's why I left you. Mom and dad, too.
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Rex''': You are your own worst enemy.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': That's for Rex. That's for providence. And that was for the kiss.
: '''White Knight''': Providence won this round. No question.
: '''Rex''': They have the real Meechum. Maybe more.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': There's no telling how much of our system Scarecrow uploaded.
: '''Six''': But we have to assume they know everything we do.
: ''[Scarecrow laughs evilly]''
: '''White Knight''': Black Knight is coming for us. It's just a matter of time.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': So? I mean, we knew that. Nothing's changed, right?
: '''Six''': Rex, this is what they wanted... to turn us against each other.
: '''Rex''': Yeah, and look how easy it was. We thought we were a team, but we're not. We're vulnerable.
: '''Van Kleiss''': It's Heisenberg's uncertainty principle. Looking past Occam's Razor, we can clearly see to a quantum level. A quantum level is what I'm trying to achieve, because if I didn't do the quantum level, then I can understand what's happening.
: '''Caesar''': I know you don't like this, but it's not about us.
: '''Dr. Meechum''': Can you do it? Can you control him?
: '''Caesar''': Leave Van Kleiss to me.
: '''Dr. Meechum''': What about Black Knight? I don't like her, Salazar. Never did.
: '''Caesar''': Trust me, Peter... When we're finished, the end will justify the means.

===Hermanos===
:'''Rex Salazar''': WH-O-O-O-OA! Unh! Ugh!
:''[Rex sighs]''
:'''Agent Six''': Be careful, Rex.
:'''Rex Salazar''': I'm touched by your concern, Six.
:'''Agent Six''': It's not for you. We don't have Providence to pick up the tab anymore. You break it, you buy it.
:''[Rex growls]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': I'm saving the day here. What are they gonna do--Sue me? Oh, come on! It was a rhetorical question! What was I supposed to do? The whole building was made of glass!
:'''Lawyer''': ''[Hispanic accent]'' Glass? What are you talking about?
:'''Rex Salazar''': I'm... not talking about anything. What are you talking about?
:'''Lawyer''': Mr. Salazar, I'm an associate at the stateside branch of the Argentinean firm Gomez and Gomez. And today, sir, is your lucky day!
:'''Rex Salazar''': What's this?
:'''Lawyer''': It's yours!
:'''Noah Nixon''': No away! This is your house?
:'''Rex Salazar''': I know! According to the lawyer guy, this rancho in Argentina's been in my family forever. And ever since my parents died in the event, those lawyers have been trying to track down the heir. And guess who that is.
:'''Noah Nixon''': You and your brother?
:'''Rex Salazar''': Oh, yeah, right. Him too.
:'''Caesar Salazar''': Not a good time, Rex.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Dude, it's never a good time, but you go to-- O...kay, so maybe this really isn't a good time, but this is important. I was being chased by a lawyer. No, I wasn't being sued this time. But you'll never guess what he--
:'''Caesar Salazar''': Is this about the rancho?
:'''Rex Salazar''': You know about it?
:'''Caesar Salazar''': Those lawyers have left me a dozen messages.
:'''Rex Salazar''': And you didn't tell me? Caesar, I never even knew we had this place! There might be photo albums, home movies-- I don't know-- maybe even an old teddy bear or something.
:'''Caesar Salazar''': You never had a teddy bear.
:'''Rex Salazar''': See, the fact that you know that and I don't-- that's why we need to go down there.
:'''Lawyer''': Clear!
:'''Caesar Salazar''': I can't, Rex. My work's already been interrupted once today. Although... Now that you mention the ranch, it does bring back some memories.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Really? Like what?
:'''Caesar Salazar''': There was an experiment I remember mom and dad running. If you could find the notes, it might save some time on the work I'm doing now.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Notes? Come on. Isn't family more important than-- Guess not.
:''[Rex sighs]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Why can't I have a normal brother? Know anything about cows? Thanks for coming with me. This is really a family thing, but my brother is, well-- My brother. 
:'''Noah Nixon''': Are you kidding? I'm psyched! I've been killing myself trying to find a birthday present for Claire. A vacation at my best friend's awesome ancestral estate? What other guy could offer her that?
:'''Rex Salazar''': Okay, but then why bring Annie?
:'''Annie''': Um, this just kind of broke off.
:''[Annie, Claire and Noah screaming]''
:'''Noah Nixon''': AAAAAAH!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': I sure hope this isn't included in Six's &quot;You break it, you buy it&quot; policy.
:'''Annie''': Sorry.
:'''Rex Salazar''': No problem. We're here.
:'''Claire Bowman''': Are... you sure this is the place?
:'''Noah Nixon''': What happened to it?
:'''Annie''': Hey, don't look at me. I just got there.
:''[Annie gasps]''
:'''Annie''': Okay, that was me.
:'''Rex Salazar''': I guess this must be my... family.
:'''Claire Bowman''': Looks like you-- But with a 'stache.
:'''Annie''': I like you with a 'stache.
:'''Claire Bowman''': Hey, there are chickens in here!
:'''Annie''': And llamas!
:'''Noah Nixon''': Chicken, llamas-- And a funny-looking bull.
:''[Chiquito snorts]''
:'''Noah Nixon''': I-I-I take it back! You're not funny-looking!
:'''Chiquito''': This place is Durango's!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Well, actually--
:'''Chuquito''': No fancy talk! Just go!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Ugh! Okay, number one, how is &quot;actually&quot; fancy talk! Number two, I don't know who Durango is, but this farm isn't his. And number three--
:''[Chiquito grunts]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Ugh! Ugh! All right, there's no misunderstanding the international language of getting punched in the face. So read my fist-- Get out of my house!
:'''Chiquito''': Durango will not be happy!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Okay, don't know who that guy was, but problem solved.
:'''Noah Nixon''': Uh, you think? Aah!
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Senior Durango''': Calmate, Chiquito. You are my brother. I would not do anything to hurt mi hermano. Unless you force me to. I cannot lose that tract of land. Without its right of way, I will lose my claim on the rest of the county. But never mind. They will learn-- When you mess with the bull, you get the horns.
:'''Rex Salazar''': OHHH! Ugh!
:'''Noah Nixon''': A chicken just tried to poop on my shoe!
:'''Rex Salazar''': I think I can top you there.
:'''Noah Nixon''': No offense, but when I asked Claire to come here, this wasn't what I was hoping for.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Well, me either. I mean, I was thinking I'd find-- I don't know what. But everything in this place has been smashed or stolen. Maybe this whole family thing isn't for me.
:''[Noah gasps]''
:'''Noah Nixon''': That's the one!
:'''Claire Bowman''': Please, Noah. It just needed a little help laying an egg.
:'''Rex Salazar''': ''[Chuckling]'' What, did you grow up on a farm in Kansas?
:'''Claire Bowman''': An apartment in Chicago-- Which is where I learned to download videos onto my phone.
:'''Telephone Voice''': When caring for an egg bearing hen, remember to--
:'''Muchado''': Hola? Quien esta aquí?
:'''Rex Salazar''': Uh... hello?
:'''Muchado''': So, you are the Americans? I am Señor Muchado-- The juez.
:'''Claire Bowman''': That's like a judge?
:'''Muchado''': Sí. For all intents and purposes, I am the law in this county-- Which is why I have come here with him.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Good, because I definitely want to press charges.
:'''Muchado''': You misunderstand. I am here because of the trouble you caused for Chiquito.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Chiquito?
:''[Rex chuckles]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Your mom must have some sense of humor to name you &quot;Tiny&quot;.
:''[Chiquito growls]''
:'''Muchado''': Chiquito's brother is Señor Durango. He controls most of the land in this county, including this hacienda. At Señor Durango's request, I have prepared a legal order compelling you to vacate.
:'''Claire Bowman''': But this is Rex's farm.
:'''Annie''': Yeah, he's got a deed and everything.
:'''Muchado''': This might have some bearing-- If you were a Salazar.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Well, we're in luck. I am.
:'''Annie''': Maybe this will help.
:'''Muchado''': You may be a Salazar, but by our law, this land has been deemed abandoned, and Señor Durango has claimed it.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Sorry. Been sort of busy saving the world and stuff. But I'm here now, so consider his claim unclaimed, then reclaimed by me.
:'''Muchado''': It is not so simple. You would have to demonstrate you are actively maintaining the ranch. That means shearing and feeding the animals, bringing your bulls to market--
:'''Rex Salazar''': To market? What, like a... cattle drive?
:'''Claire Bowman''': No problem. We can totally figure out how to do that.
:'''Muchado''': A ranch this size requires at least a dozen hired men.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Okay, just... uh...
:'''Muchado''': No one within 100 kilometers will help you cross Señor Durango. If you do this, you will do it alone. And you will fail.
:'''Claire Bowman''': Well, that guy was kind of a jerk.
:'''Annie''': Yeah. So, let's get to work.
:'''Noah Nixon''': How? Everything here is broken.
:'''Annie''': Uh, have you seen my house?
:'''Rex Salazar''': You guys don't have to do this.
:'''Claire Bowman''': What kind of friend would walk away now?
:'''Noah Nixon''': Uh... yeah! No way you could stop me from helping take care of these totally not-gross animals. 
:'''Rex Salazar''': Really?
:'''Noah Nixon''': Well, I'm smiling like that's what I mean, aren't?
:''[Noah exhales deeply]''
:'''Noah Nixon''': I can do this! I can't do this. Until I've done my milking warm-up.
:'''Claire Bowman''': Ugh. Hold this.
:'''Telephone Voice''': With you head resting on her flank, gently grasp the udder with the palm of your hand.
:'''Noah Nixon''': AAH!
:''[Claire giggles]''
:'''Claire Bowman''': I think she likes you.
:'''Noah Nixon''': Ugh!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': This is your home. Get in your home!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Whoa! AAAH! AAH! Ugh! This is hopeless! This farm only has one bull, and I can't even get it into the barn. And this... better just be mud.
:'''Annie''': Hang on! I'll help you!
:''[Annie gasps]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': No! Don't!
:'''Noah Nixon''': Are you guys okay?
:'''Claire Bowman''': What is it? A storm cellar?
:'''Noah Nixon''': Looks like some kind of lab.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Figures. My mom and dad were Caesar's parents, too. Of course they'd find a way to take work home with them. Probably where those notes Caesar wanted are. Might as well grab them before the judge kicks us out.
:'''Claire Bowman''': What's he talking about? I think we're doing a pretty good job taking care of the--
:'''Annie''': Uh, guys--
:''[Claire grunts]''
:'''Claire Bowman''': Wait-- Donkeys eat hay, don't they? Maybe we can use it to lure them back into the barn.
:'''Annie''': I got it! Ugh!
:''[Annie gasps]''
:'''Noah Nixon''': Well, on the plus side, at least we now know for sure that donkeys do eat hay.
:'''Rafael Salazar''': One day, these things are going to change the world, and you'll be there to see it.
:'''Violetta Salazar''': ''[chuckling]'' Caesar, please, mi hijo. Stop working for a minute and hold the camera.
:'''Young Caesar Salazar''': Okay! Okay!
:''[Claire sniffs]''
:'''Claire Bowman''': What's that smell?
:'''Noah Nixon''': Which one? Everything here smells.
:'''Claire Bowman''': No, it smells like... smoke!
:'''Annie''': Rex! The straw caught on fire, and it exploded!
:''[Chiquito growls]''
:'''Chiquito''': Hermano! No! Oomph!
:'''Senior Durango''': What were you thinking? I told you to smoke them out, not burn the land! This is my land! If you weren't my brother--
:''[Chiquito growls]''
:'''Senior Durango''': But you are. Come here.
:'''Rex Salazar''': So, you must be the brother. Hope I'm not interrupting some kind of weird tender moment.
:'''Senior Durango''': Soy Durango. And I hope there is still a chance we can reach a resonable agreement.
:'''Claire Bowman''': So, then you'll let Rex keep the farm? We played by the rules.
:'''Senior Durango''': Around here, I make the rules.
:'''Annie''': But the judge said--
:'''Senior Durango''': The judge works for me. Now, please, I'm giving you one last chance to leave.
:'''Noah Nixon''': Okay, sure! Oh, wait-- That's right. Your fire blew up what was left of our plane!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Uh, let me handle the trash-talking with the 20-foot-tall monster EVO, okay? Leave them out of this! They shouldn't even be here! It should have been my brother!
:'''Senior Durango''':  That is why you will lose your farm. Without family, a man is nothing. After all, what is this land to them?
:'''Rex Salazar''': I don't even know what this place is to me. I came here hoping to find out more about who my family is.
:''[Rex start looking at Noah, Claire and Annie, and smile to them]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': And I did. So, you're going to stop threatening them-- And me-- And get off my land.
:''[Durango snarls]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Okay. Here's the plan-- Stay behind me! Whoa! Ugh!
:'''Noah Nixon''': Well, there goes that plan.
:'''Senior Durango''': Hurt them. You can do that, can't you?
:'''Claire Bowman''': W-what do we do now?!
:'''Annie''': The only one of us with powers just got kicked to the curb.
:'''Noah Nixon''': That depends on what you mean by &quot;powers&quot;.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Rex muffled grunting]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Not a good time, Caesar.
:'''Caesar Salazar''': I just wanted to tell you-- Forget about those notes. I realized that's not what's important about you going down there.
:''[Durango snarls]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Wow, Caesar. I can't believe you came around.
:'''Caesar Salazar''': I just realized-- The really important thing is, if you happen to find a termo-chronometer I remember having down there, it would save me from ordering one.
:''[Chiquito snarls]''
:''[Chiquito growls]''
:''[Chiquito snarls, roars]''
:'''Noah Nixon''': Ugh!
:''[Chiquito snorts]''
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:[''On videotape of the Salazar family]''
:'''Rafael Salazar''': One day these things are going to change the world and you'll be there to see it.
:'''Violetta Salazar''': Cesar, please miquito. Stop working for a minute and hold the camera.
:'''Young Caesar Salazar''': Okay, okay.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Noah Nixon''': This morning, I almost had to touch a cow's underparts. You think you can do me worse than that? Bring it.
:''[Chiquito snarls]''
:''[Chiquito roars]''
:'''Annie''': Ugh! I didn't mean for that to happen.
:'''Claire Bowman''': We did.
:'''Rex Salazar''': AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Ugh! AAAAAAAAAAARGH!
:'''Senior Durango''': OOMPH!
:''[Durango lows]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': WH-O-O-O-O-O-O O-OA!
:''[Durango lows]''
:''[Durango snorts]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': AAAAAAAAH!
:''[Durango growls]''
:''[Durango growls]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Trust me-- My brother's let me down way worse. But what am I gonna do? He's my brother.
:'''Senior Durango''': It is over.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Nice ego there, but I've been hit a lot harder.
:''[Durango spits]''
:'''Senior Durango''': Those bells signal the market is ending soon. I can see you have yet to herd you cattle there.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Oh, come on! The one cattle I've got doesn't even move!
:'''Senior Durango''': If you do not have your cattle to market before it ends, you will have failed to fulfill your deed, and this land will be mine.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Then I guess I don't have any time to waste talking about it.
:'''Claire Bowman''': Come on. Come here.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Forget it. I got this.
:'''Claire Bowman''': WHOO-HOO! Yes! Go, Rex!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Claire Bowman''': Where's Durango?
:'''Rex Salazar''': OWW! Come on! You don't move the whole time, and you can't stay still?
:''[Durango grunting]''
:'''Noah Nixon''': What is this, a western? You're actually trying to stop him with a rockslide?
:'''Senior Durango''': You? Here? How is that even possible?
:'''Telephone Voice''': Donkeys can be ridden surprinsingly fast if you--
:'''Noah Nixon''': Come on! Just give up! The farm belong to Rex. And I really want to get off this thing.
:'''Senior Durango''': You think I'm afraid of you ''[scoffs]'' boy?
:'''Claire Bowman''': Oh, it's not the boy you should be afraid of.
:'''Annie''': Oops.
:''[Durango grunting]''
:'''Senior Durango''': Ugh!
:''[Rex panting]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': We sheared the llamas, we milked the cows, I got the bull to town. We did everything in the deed.
:'''Muchado''': Sí, sí. But more important, you faced Durango and won! Once the other ranchers hear of this, they won't be afraid. You have broken Durango's hold on our lands.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Wait-- You're... happy about that?
:'''Muchado''': Of course. I told you exactly what you had to do to legally gain control of the land, didn't I?
:'''Rex Salazar''': Huh. I guess you did.
:'''Claire Bowman''': Wow! Can you believe how you perfect this all worked out?
:'''Noah Nixon''': Yeah, uh, so, maybe we should get out of here before we wear out our welcome.
:'''Rex Salazar''': There's just one thing I want to do first.

===The Rescue===
:''Note'': Rex goes alone to rescue his girlfriend Circe from the clutches of Black Knight. but it turns out she has been waiting for him.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;

===Alone Together===
:''Note'': Finally together at last, Rex and Circe reminiscence about their good and hard times together ans their romance begins to grow.
===Retribution===
===Temporary Insanity===

===Crime and Punishment===
:''Note:'' His false insanity revealed, Van Kleiss abducts Circe with the intent of punishing her for betraying him, due to her enduring love for Rex.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Now, Circe, you shall learn the ultimate price of betraying me.
:'''Rex:''' ''Leave her alone!!''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Oh, Rex. For young love. One of your greatest weaknesses. After I finish off your beloved, you will no longer be a hindrance to me. 
:'''Rex''' (''enraged'')''':''' I ''said''...LEAVE HER ALONE!!!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;

===Shadowed Past===

===Separation Anxiety===
===Brotherly Love===

===Rocky My World===
:'''Beverly:''' Oh, this is so awesome! We're seeing the Trendbenders live!
:'''Rex:''' Well, maybe not see them, but we'll totally hear them.
:'''Sebastian''': Attention! The Trendbenders will be arriving through the back of the club.
:'''Beverly:''' Slick trick! Yes, Rebecca. I know! Only drink the bottled water. No, we're not that close to the stage. Ugh! I know that's where they mosh-pit. Don't worry! Bye!
:'''Rex:''' Your sister is acting like your mother. I wouldn't put up with it. Doc?! I'm right next to her! Yes, we've got earplugs. Only bottled water-- I know! Yes, you'll pick us up at 11:00. Okay! Bye!
:'''Sly:''' ''[singing]'' I met a guy who has looking for a lucky break. I met a guy mad he wouldn't make a mistake. No loser here the weight would be upon his face. This ain't no lucky break it's just another day.
:'''Beverly:''' Hey!
:'''Rex:''' There's something wrong with that guy.
:'''Beverly:''' Yeah! It's called lack of social skills.
:'''Sebastian:''' We have to talk! You got to listen to me!
:'''Rex:''' I think they're a little too busy for a chat right now.
:'''Sebastian:''' It's me! Your first fan!
:'''Rex:''' Come on, dude. Can't you just watch the show, like everyone else?
:'''Sly:''' ''[singing]'' You won't bring me down. Yeah-yeah-yeah. You won't bring me down.
:'''Sebastian:''' I'm not just everyone else.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Sebastian:''' You want to rethink trying to stop me?
:'''Beverly:''' Whoa! Geek in triplicate!
:'''Rex:''' More like EVO geek.
:'''Sebastian:''' I bet you're not even a real fan!
:'''Rex:''' Hey, I know their music!
:'''Sebastian:''' Yeah? What album is &quot;Bitten on the Wind&quot; from?
:'''Beverly:''' Uh, their first album.
:'''Sebastian:''' Wrong! Their third! Poser!
:'''Sly:''' Here's one from our first album-- &quot;Bitten on the Wind.&quot;
:'''Beverly:''' Told ya! Their first album! Who's the poser now?
:'''Sebastian:''' But it is their third. They keep denying their first two albums exist!
:'''Rex:''' Huh?
:''[Rex bones cracking]''
:'''Rex:''' Shouldn't you be home, making sure your mom isn't snooping around your basement? Ouch! All right, I've had enough.
:'''Sebastian:''' I know you. You're that guy from Providence that beats up on EVOs.
:'''Rex:''' And I'm guessing you're not one of my fans.
:'''Sebastian:''' This isn't over! They still need me to show them the way back. I'll make them listen to me.. No matter what! Ugh!
:'''Man:''' No re-entry without a hand stamp.
:'''Rex:''' Uh, but--
:'''JoJo:''' It's okay. He's with me. I'm JoJo, the band's manager.
:'''Beverly:''' Oh! Sly Tyler, vocals, six-stringer. Burrito Beau on the big bottom, and Leon Adler on the skins.
:'''Beau:''' Bass. Drums.
:'''Beverly:''' They're even cutter up close!
:'''JoJo:''' But Sebastian isn't. And now that fruitcake fan has become a major menace.
:'''Rex:''' You know who that guy is?
:'''Sly:''' Yeah, he's one of our first fans from way back.
:'''Leon:''' But he didn't like our change in music direction.
:'''Beau:''' Change, like in popular.
:'''Sly:''' So he started sending us nasty e-mails and slagging us on the fan sites.
:'''JoJo:''' But now he's turned violent, and it turns out he's... H-he's...
:'''Rex:''' An EVO that can multiply himself.
:'''JoJo:''' We can't handle that kind of threat, but you can.
:'''Beverly:''' Is this a job offer?
:'''JoJo:''' As head of security for the rest of the tour.
:'''Rex:''' Huh, I don't know. Putting up with groupies, great music, catering, the Rock'n'roll lifestyle-- Oh, right, like I'm not totally in for this!
:'''Beverly:''' And I'm your deputy, sheriff.
:'''Sly:''' Absolutely.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Absolutely not.
:'''Rex:''' They've got an EVO threat.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Fine, Rex. Beverly? And don't forget to use earplugs.
:'''Rex:''' Private jet to the next gig? Airline-- First class? Coach?
:'''JoJo:''' Of the road kind.
:'''Rex:''' Traveling the open road, bringing music to the people. Where to next?
:'''Beau:''' Eugene, Oregon. ''[Unenthusiastically]'' WHOO-HOO!
:'''Rex:''' Ow!
:'''Leon:''' Bad seat. Got a lot of them.
:''[Beau farts]''
:''[Rex sniffs]''
:'''Leon and Rex:''' Oh!
:''[Leon coughs]''
:'''Leon:''' Isn't the ozone layer depleted enough, Beau?
:'''Rex:''' Want to hit the streets and check out the local scene?
:'''Sly:''' Seriously, man? It's just another town.
:'''Beau:''' Been there. Seen them all.
:'''TV Announcer:''' He's currently under 3, 2 behind the leader. This is a very tricky--
:'''Rex:''' Oh, let's throw this in the pool!
:'''Leon:''' Hey, I'm watching something, dude!
:'''Rex:''' How about a food fight?
:'''Sly:''' Sorry, man. Not feeling it.
:'''Rex:''' This isn't feeling very Rock'n'Roll.
:'''JoJo:''' Rex, we hired you to consult on security, not rock-tour clichés.
:'''Sebastian:''' Room service.
:'''JoJo:''' Again? You guys, this is costing too much.
:'''Sly:''' But we didn't order anything else.
:'''Sebastian:''' That's okay. This is on the house!
:''[Sebastian grunts]''
:''[JoJo gasps]''
:'''Rex:''' Look out! He's got... Paperwork?
:'''Sebastian:''' I've got notes and visuals on where you've gone commercial and how you can get back to your roots! He's with the band now? He's not even a real fan! You see? You've got to come with me. You need my help!
:'''Rex:''' They're not going anywhere, but you are!
:'''Sebastian:''' My copies don't feel pain.
:'''Rex:''' But you do!
:'''Girl:''' Whoa! You must really be a big fan!
:'''Sebastian:''' Only of their early stuff.
:'''Girl:''' Eww! Their early stuff is weak.
:'''Teen girl:''' But their new songs are awesome!
:''[Girls giggling]''
:''[Sebastian growls]''
:''[Girls screaming]''
:'''Rex:''' Excuse me. I'm with the band.
:'''Teen girl:''' But you missed your ride.
:'''Rex:''' That's okay. I've got my own.
:'''Man:''' Rock bands! Never again!
:'''Sebastian:''' I've got to take you away from this sellout existence, where you deny your first two albums even exist.
:'''Sly:''' B-but those albums weren't any good. That's why we only had a few fans, like you.
:'''Rex:''' If there's only three of them, then who's driving the car?
:'''Sebastian:''' Aah!
:'''Rex:''' Did he... Ah! Rent that car from the circus? Time to cut this act short.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Sebastian:''' Oh, man. I went to my first Trendbenders show in that car.
:'''Rex:''' Maybe I can't turn off your obsession, but I can shut down your nanites.
:'''Beau:''' That clone-boy?
:'''Rex:''' I don't think he's going to be a problem now.
:'''JoJo:''' We can still use you on the tour. What did you say?
:'''Rex:''' Yes!
:'''Sly:''' Good man! ''[singing]'' You see the light, and it's oh, so bright, a million times more than before, now we'll show you the door, some starts fade, and some starts shine, the bright ones stand the test of time, the others burn out and sing, &quot;yeah, we almost made it&quot;, &quot;yeah, but we're overrated&quot;, kill your radio, you live a life for all to see, sometimes it's right, sometimes obscene, now you're the enemy, it's one for all and all for me, unlocking doors and misery, the others burn out and sing, &quot;yeah, we almost made it&quot;, &quot;yeah, but we're overrated&quot;, out of time, kill your radio, &quot;yeah, we almost made it&quot;, &quot;yeah, but we're overrated&quot;, out of time, kill your radio, out of time, kill your radio, out of time, kill your radio, out of time, kill your radio, it isn't all, that it's cracked up to be, I never thought it'd be so easy, I wouldn't have it any other way, you see the light, and it's oh, so bright, a million times more than before, now we'll show you the door, some starts fade, and some starts shine, the bright ones stand the test of time, the others burn out and sing, &quot;yeah, we almost made it&quot;, &quot;yeah, but we're overrated&quot;, out of time, kill your radio, &quot;yeah, we almost made it&quot;, &quot;yeah, but we're overrated&quot;, out of time, kill your radio, &quot;yeah&quot;.
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Sly:''' At least we got a day off before the next gig.
:'''JoJo:''' Guys, a club owner in fleeceburg just offered us amazing money. I booked it.
:'''Rex:''' For when?
:'''JoJo:''' We're already running late.
:'''Sly:''' They're paying money for us to play in this dump?
:'''JoJo:''' Big money. Come on. You're on in ten minutes.
:'''Rex:''' I'm guessing ticket sales are a little slow.
:'''Leon:''' Are we breaking up?
:'''Beau:''' This dive seems awfully familiar.
:'''Sebastian:''' It should.
:'''Rex:''' That voice seems awfully familiar!
:'''Teens:''' Dude! Nobody move! What's going on? Who's touching me? What is this? Excuse me. What is going on?
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Sebastian:''' I built an exact replica of the first club you played in.
:'''Beau:''' Hey, that's one of my puke stains. Fruitcake knows his details.
:'''Rex:''' But I cured you.
:'''Sebastian:''' Hmm... That was a copy, not the original.
:'''Sly:''' Whatever. When's this gonna end, fan-boy?
:'''Sebastian:''' It ends tonight. Check the floor at your feet.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Sebastian:''' I've given up trying to get you back to your roots. So now you'll play what I want to hear for the next hour. And then your career ends with a bang. :'''Sly:''' On behalf of the band, I'd like to thank our manager, JoJo, for booking this totally insane gig!
:''[JoJo laughs nervously]''
:'''Sebastian:''' The sound of cold, hard cash is the only music sellouts like you listen to anymore.
:'''Rex:''' They're not sellouts. They just got more popular than you wanted.
:'''Sebastian:''' You try anything, and I'll end their last gig prematurely. You're only alive because I want you to see what the Trendbenders used to be like. For the next hour give me the early stuff, when you were cool.
:'''Sly:''' Why bother? You're gonna nuke us, anyway.
:'''Sebastian:''' Because if you don't play, this happens!
:'''Sly:''' Aah!
:'''Leon, Sly and Beau:''' No more!
:'''Sly:''' Okay, dude, what's the first number?
:'''Sebastian:''' &quot;Crawling undertow&quot;!
:'''Sly:''' Well, how does it feel?
:'''Sebastian:''' First album, seventh song. Fifth song on the Japanese import.
:'''Sly:''' To get that weight back on our shoulders--
:'''Sebastian:''' You're giving it a beat that wasn't in the original, man! Not even in the remix from the box set. Play it right this time! I'm missing the concert because of you!
:'''Rex:''' Stinks to be you. Got to cure the real Sebastian. But which one is the mother ship?
:'''Sebastian:''' You can't even play your old songs like you used to. Total disappointment. Let's end this bummer concert.
:'''Sly:''' But we still have over a half-hour left!
:'''Sebastian:''' Last song, no encore.
:'''Rex:''' Tell me who's the original, or I'll turn you into dessert topping!
:'''Sebastian:''' You don't scare me. I don't feel pain.
:'''Rex:''' But the real Sebastian does. Sly! Maximum feedback! Now! Thanks, Doc.
:'''Sebastian''': AAAHHHH!
:'''Rex:''' How do you like their new hit, Sebastian Prime? Here's another new groove you're not going to like.
:'''Sebastian:''' Aah!
:'''Rex:''' Congrats. You're back to being a solo act.
:'''Sebastian:''' You've got to listen to me!
:''[Sebastian yelling]''
:'''Rex:''' Kidnapping, assault and battery, construction without a permit-- that should keep him away for years.
:'''JoJo:''' Have to say it, guys, but we've got a gig in toledo to get to. Security?
:'''Rex:''' Not anymore. Sebastian's done, and so am I.
:'''Sly:''' Dude, I thought you wanted the rock'n'roll lifestyle.
:'''Rex:''' I'm not tough enough for it. I need to get back to something easier, like city-smashing EVOs and conspiracies to take over the world.
:'''Beau:''' Don't know what your missing.
:'''Rex:''' I think do. But I don't miss this. Yes, doc? Don't need my earplugs anymore. I quit. Will you let me tell you? No, the EVO threat wasn't just an excuse. Well, I'm coming back! Will you let-- Doc!

===Lost and Found===

===My Brother's Keeper===

===Target: the Consortium===
: '''Jungle Cat:''' You are...?
: '''Rex:''' Rex. Rex Salazar. What are you?
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Lost... and found.
: '''Rex:''' HUNH! AAAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
: ''[Rex gasps deeply]''
: '''Rex:''' Whoa. That was a total zero on the fun meter.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Learning how to communicate with the nanite world isn't about fun. Did you get anywhere at all?
: '''Rex:''' Don't know. I connected with a Master Control Nanite for a second, and then I lost it. But I also got, like, this feeling that something's about to happen in the nanite world. Something... big.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' Argh! This is Rylander's speciality, not mine. There's no way I can cover for him.
: '''Caesar:''' Not to worry, Dr. Meechum. You won't have to any longer. Dr. Rylander will take over from here.
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' Oh, really, Caesar? From his current location of beyond the grave?
: '''Rylander:''' Actually, Peter, I was never completely dead-- just spread a little thin-- ''[chuckling]'' Moleculary speaking. Caesar's been working on putting me back together.
: '''Black Knight:''' All of them together-- At last. Contact the Consortium. We now have something to show them. Something big.
: '''White Knight:''' Even having two of the Master Control Nanites doesn't change the vital importance of finding the other three. But the latest intel I've received could give us a way to neutralize the group obsessed with these machines.
: '''Six:''' The Consortium.
: '''Rex:''' Aren't those the money guys that bankrolled the Nanite Project in Providence?
: '''White Knight:''' The same. Formerly made-up of six members, but now five-- Reddick, made his wealth in real estate and construction. Vostock, black market finance and KGB... Zanubian, arms dealing and shipping. Roswell, oil and minerals. Anthony Haden-Scott, worldwide media.
: ''[Rex munches]''
: '''Rex:''' Should we be writing this down for the pop quiz later?
: '''White Knight:''' You may be facing them soon because of the efforts of our stealthiest agent.
: '''Rex:''' Mm! Thank you! I think.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' He's not talking about you.
: '''Rex:''' Hey! It's Evo-cat guy! Uh... sorry-- What's your name? O...kay, cat with no collar, what's in the sack? Bunch of canaries? Well, that's... something.
: '''White Knight:''' Our associate has been tracking the Consortium with a little help from a former member.
: '''Rex:''' I remember him! He's the one Rylander got revenge on with an EVO love letter.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' That he never recovered from. But he's still full of useful knowledge about the other members.
: '''Rex:''' As long as you have a towel handy for the answers.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' The Consortium has financed a new facility for nanite research. All of them will be at that location within the next six hours.
: '''Six:''' And so will we.
: '''White Knight:''' A rare opportunity like this can't be missed. You three will capture the Consortium and bring them to a secure location. Understood?
: '''Rex:''' Purrfectly.
: '''Black Knight:''' Gentlemen, I wanted you here today to--
: '''Reddick:''' &quot;Wanted?&quot; Sounds like a command.
: '''Vostok:''' ''[Russian accent]'' You get to ask, not order.
: '''Black Knight:''' I'm sorry. Let me restate. I asked you here because I can now present some major developments in your quest. I finished construction on the nanite reactor and reassembled against all odds the original science team to run it. Doctors Meechum, systems expert. Salazar, artificial intelligence. Rylander, microengineering. And Van Kleiss, biomechanical integration.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Nanite's recorder locked in. Hologram Rylander saves money on meals. Glow, glow, glow, yipper.
: ''[Van Kleiss smooches]''
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' A human flashlight and a brain-fried babbler. This is what I'm supposed to work with.
: '''Vostok:''' Looks like your geniuses have some issues.
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' ''[British accent]'' I seem to recall there were two other Salazars on the team.
: '''Black Knight:''' They're dead-- And just as well. Considering their actions are responsible for our setbacks, I highly doubt they would have cooperated.
: ''[Jungle Cat snarls]''
: '''Black Pawns:''' Ohh!
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Rex:''' Black Pawns got to talk to their costume designer. Way too stuffy.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Be quiet.
: '''Six:''' Our target?
: '''Roswell:''' ''[Southern accent]'' Little lady, I'm hoping you didn't get me out here just to watch some lab jockeys do their homework.
: '''Vostok:''' I know I've got better things to do.
: '''Black Knight:''' Aside from the all-important reassembly of the science team and activation of the nanite reactor, I do have another development to show you.
: '''Roswell:''' Yeah? What else you got?
: '''Black Knight:''' An acquisition.
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Lost... and found.
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Jungle Cat:''' What's wrong with you?
: '''Rex:''' Forget the Consortium! I know where we can find a Master-Control Nanite.
: '''Six:''' Where?
: '''Rex''': Here.
: '''Six:''' We're doing both. You two get the nanite, I'll get the Consortium.
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' On of the five? That's all?
: '''Reddick:''' You know we need all of the Master-Control Nanites to do us any good.
: '''Vostok:''' What about the two you lost? And the other two still out there?
: '''Black Knight:''' We'll have the other four in due time. Take this back to the vault. But remember that each one has its own useful powers. : '''Roswell:''' Not enough to drag me all the way out there, little lady.
: '''Black Knight:''' &quot;Black Knight&quot;.
: '''Black Pawns:''' You're not one of us.
: '''Six:''' Stay clear of the Pawns. They're not buying our cover. Repeat-- Stay clear of the Pawns.
: '''Rex:''' Steel door. A vault!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Jungle Cat:''' That was close.
: '''Rex:''' Got it. Have to be as stealthy as you from now on.
: ''[Jungle Catsnarls]''
: ''[Jungle Cat snarling]''
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Van Kleiss!
: ''[Jungle Cat muffled grunting]''
: '''Rex:''' Way not to be stealthy. Sorry, cat guy. I know you want payback for him turning you into stone and all, but the nanite is more important.
: '''Black Pawns:''' Security alert. Intruder.
: ''[Jungle Cat snarls]''
: '''Jungle Cat:''' You find the nanite. I'll be a diversion.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' She has shown us some progress. That one nanite is significant in itself.
: '''Reddick:''' It's all five or nothing. Or are you thinking of working a separate deal with the one?
: '''Vostok:''' Can we please not talk like this while those two are in the room?
: '''Roswell:''' Yeah, Xanubian, put a sock in all your yammerin'.
: '''Black Pawns:''' Another intruder at security zone three. It's Agent Six.
: '''Rex:''' Gotcha.
: '''Black Pawns:''' Unh! Aah!
: '''Rex:''' I'll take that. Six! I've got the nanite!
: '''Six:''' Meet your outside.
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: ''[Jungle Cat snarls]''
: '''Rex:''' I've got it! Let's scat, cat!
: '''Black Knight:''' If he's here-- So is Rex. Vault security, come in.
: '''Reddick:''' Is there a problem?
: '''Black Knight:''' A minor security issue. I'm taking care of it.
: '''Vostok:''' ''[Russian accent]'' You better, little lady.
: '''Rex:''' Well, mission half accomplished.
: '''Six:''' This should complete it.
: '''Rex:''' You planted a bomb?!
: '''Six:''' Plan &quot;B&quot;.
: '''Rex:''' The cat! He's still inside! No!! We've got to go back for the cat! He's on his own mission. Van Kleiss is there.
: '''Six:''' Understood.
: '''Black Pawns:''' Black Knight, shouldn't we evacuate?
: '''Black Knight:''' The security threat has been removed. Among other things. Track them, find them.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Interlace template, instal copper buffers, hold the mayo, set core temp, heat cold fries.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Remember me?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Someone let the cat in.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' You cast me aside as if I was garbage. Turned me to stone. Drained me of life-- Almost. Now it's your turn to suffer.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Had a kitty once. Not you. Bubbles liked catnip and parsnips. Chapped lips. Hip, hip, hooray!
: ''[Jungle Cat growls]''
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' If you're here to clean up, ask for directions, not Dr. Screwloose.
: '''Rex:''' Ugh! Meechum. Bro. He's here to put Van Kleiss out of the world's misery. Give me a reason why he shouldn't.
: ''[Jungle Cat growls]''
: '''Rylander:''' Because the world needs him right now, Rex.
: '''Rex:''' Dr. Rylander! How did you--
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Rex:''' You got it to work.
: '''Rylander:''' I've looked better, I'll admit, but I'm still very much alive. And so happy to see you again.
: '''Rex:''' If you could bring him back--
: '''Caesar:''' Sorry, Rex. It won't work for mom and dad.
: '''Rex:''' So, you've come back-- But you're working for them! It seems crazy, I know, but look at our progress-- The nanite reactor is almost operational.
: '''Rex:''' Not if I destroy it.
: '''Black Knight:''' Surround them.
: '''Caesar:''' Trust me, hermano, We're doing the right thing.
: '''Rex:''' You keep saying that, but I don't believe it anymore!
: ''[Jungle Cat snarls]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Bubbles, I'm sorry. Here, kitty, kitty. Left you out in the rain, rain go away--
: ''[Jungle Cat snarls]''
: ''[Jungle Cat snarling]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Ugh! Easy on the hot sauce, Peter, Peter pumpkin two seater.
: '''Rylander:''' Tell him, Caesar.
: '''Rex:''' Tell me what?
: '''Six:''' Revenge time is up.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Jungle Cat snarls]''
: ''[Jungle Cat roars]''
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' Aah! Careful! Our work! Ugh! Take it outside!
: '''Rex:''' Ugh!
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Rex. Rex Salazar.
: '''Rex:''' I can't talk now! Ugh!
: '''Black Knight:''' Thank you.
: '''Rex:''' You're so not welcome.
: '''Black Knight:''' You should have left when you had the chance.
: ''[Black Knight grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' You guys have such a great cafeteria.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Had to come back for more.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Aah! Unh!
: '''Six:''' Unh!
: ''[Black Knight grunting]''
: '''Black Knight:''' Unh!
: '''Six:''' UNNNNNNNNH!
: '''Black Knight:''' Ugh!
: ''[Jungle Cat snarls]''
: '''Rex:''' Let's say adiós.
: '''Six:''' There's still plan &quot;B&quot;.
: '''Rex:''' We're not assassins.
: '''Six:''' You're not. This might be our one chance.
: '''Rex:''' To be like them? Then what makes us different?
: '''Six:''' Go. I'm right behind you.
: '''Roswell:''' You brought us into an ambush! Right behind you, Mr. Chatterbox.
: '''Vostok:''' You are cowards.
: '''Reddick:''' Graveyards are full of dummies that thought they were though.
: '''Vostok:''' Black Knight, we have a lot to discuss about your future.
: '''Black Knight:''' By all means, let's talk.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Where's Six?
: '''Rex:''' He said he was right behind us.
: '''Six:''' I am. The Consortium still has to be dealt with.
: '''Rex:''' We now have three Master Control Nanites. I'd say the Consortium has to deal with us.
: '''Six:''' Understood.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Purrfectly.
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' I'm shocked. What happened?
: '''Black Knight:''' It seems Vostok had an unfortunate run-in with our intruders as he was leaving. But, there's good news. The reactor is gone. Soon we will have all the nanites we need.
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' &quot;We&quot;?
: '''Black Knight:''' I think it's time we walked about my promotion.

===Convergence===
===Enter the Nanite World===

===Enemies Mine===
: '''Valve:''' Battle is to be waged between your courage and my power. You lose.
: '''Gatlocke:''' Valve, my friend. Lovely day for a riot, don't you think?
: '''Valve:''' What do you want, Gatlocke?
: '''Gatlocke:''' I want lots of things-- A doomsday weapon, my own private island, for my mom to stop calling me to fix her computer. But what I really want is to give you a message. It's time. I suppose I'll make the introductions.
: '''Valve:''' A biker needs no introduction. And everyone knows Hunter Cain.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Everything is going according to plan. We get one more thing. Then we get wrecked.
: '''Rex:''' Sorry we're late.
: '''Bobo:''' We're not late. We're fashionably early.
: '''Providence Agent:''' I was starting to think I was on my own. I've been calling for help, but  Providence hasn't answered.
: '''Six:''' What set this off?
: '''Providence Agent:''' No idea. One moment everything was fine. The next moment, complete chaos.
: '''Rex:''' I'm heading in. I'll lock up when I'm done. Oh, don't bother getting up. I'm just gonna knock you back down again.
: '''Bobo:''' Back in your cages, you filthy animals!
: '''Rex:''' Huh? What? You? It's a who's-who of old EVOs. Whew! Really not in the mood for this. You're kidding me. You?!
: '''Gatlocke:''' Three men, one objective, no rules. Oh, this is exciting, isn't it? Or is it just me?
: '''Valve:''' The others are saying that Rex is here. Rex will get his when we're ready.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Watch yourselves. This one's unpredictable. We know what you want, No-Face. Then we can give it to you. Do what we say. Then you'll get Rex. You'll get the chance to tear Rex apart. Piece by piece. Now we're ready.
: '''Rex:''' So you remember who I am. Surprised you have a big enough brain for that. These cells are pretty dull. Let's redecorate. No way I'm letting an EVO get won over on me. Especially a big old frog.
: '''Gatlocke:''' Almost out. Freedom is just a... Bottomless ravine away.
: '''Valve:''' The biker begs the question, how are we getting across?
: '''Gatlocke:''' You know that's not really how begging the question is supposed to be used. Are we kidding? Anyone who gets worked up over that phrase needs to be savagely beaten.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' This'll override the drawbridge system.
: '''Gatlocke:''' Ooh, now how would someone like you procure something like that?
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Friends and hide places.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, frog legs. Let's put you in solitary confinement.
: '''Bobo:''' Do you look like you got run over by an overstuffed garbage truck?
: '''Rex:''' Feels like it. This is a prison riot. Where's Providence? They should be all over this.
: '''Six:''' They never responded to any calls.
: '''Rex:''' It's a setup. Providence wanted this to happen. But why?
: '''Six:''' Six here. Go ahead.
: '''Rex:''' Wait. This bridge wasn't down before.
: '''Bobo:''' Yeah. About that. Some of the prisoners escaped together. Gatlocke...
: '''Rex:''' That's bad.
: '''Bobo:''' Hunter Cain...
: '''Rex:''' That's even worse!
: '''Bobo:''' Valve.
: '''Rex:''' That's... Really? Valve?
: '''Bobo:''' Yeah. And No-Face.
: '''Rex:''' Those four are loose? Together?
: '''Six:''' We've got a bigger problem.
: '''Rex:''' How can it be bigger than this?
: '''Six:''' The EVOs in the city-- The only thing keeping them tame are their control collars.
: '''Rex:''' And this is a problem because...?
: '''Six:''' Because someone has shut them all down.
: '''Rex:''' Let me get that for you.
: '''Bobo:''' Dumpster dog. Considering you used to ride around in the Paris, I guess you're moving up in the world. Main to your mud.
: '''Six:''' Are you injured?
: '''Rex:''' Just worn out. Is this day over yet?
: '''Bobo:''' Oh! Signs pointing no.
: '''Rex:''' Huh? That came from the track. Can you handle things here?
: '''Bobo:''' Only one way to find out. Valve. Those nanite superchargers you keep using are bad for your health.
: '''Valve:''' If I were you, I'd be more concerned with your own short-term health.
: '''Rex:''' Please, like I have anything to worry about from you. The other three, they're dangerous. You, you're just comedy relief.
: '''Valve:''' I am not. Comedy relief.
: '''Rex:''' Well, you're not funny, that's for sure.
: '''Valve:''' Like the road that continues on, so must the biker.
: '''Rex:''' Where did he go so? Ew! Get away from my tacos, cockroach! Huh? You running away? I'll give you this much, Valve. Maybe you're getting smarter.
: '''No-Face:''' Unlike you.
: '''Rex:''' I put you away once, No-Face. I'll do it again.
: '''No-Face:''' The one who makes machines. The one we've been waiting for.
: '''Rex:''' Huh? Figures you try to shoot a guy in the back.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' All I see is a filthy EVO.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, first off, that Lai is tired. Second off, last time I checked, you're teaming up with one. Would that make you an EVO lover? All this hide and seek is wearing me down! Huh? Figures.
: '''Gatlocke:''' Leaving so soon? That's not going to impress the hiring committee. Now, let's see what we have here. &quot;Honor roll, A/V Club.&quot; Ugh. &quot;Glee Club.&quot; ''[Scoffs]'' I'm going to have to be brutally honest with you. You're perfect for my gang. Can you sing soprano? My last soprano drove his motorcycle off a cliff. He survived, but his voice was never the same. By the way, can you fly? This is quite the surprise. I'm willing to hire you, Rex, but you better have some excellent references.
: '''Rex:''' Back to prison, Gatlocke!
: '''Gatlocke:''' Then consider the offer rescinded! You could be a valued member of my gang. It's a tough job market out there, you know?
: '''Rex:''' I'd never work for you!
: '''Gatlocke:''' No, not with that attitude, you wouldn't. Welcome to my gang. Your first task is to destroy Rex-- That guy right there.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Gatlocke:''' Your second task is to complete harassment training. I teach the class. This pamphlet explains everything.
: '''Rex:''' No, no, no!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, come in. What's happening?
: '''Rex:''' One really bad day.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Your nanite readings are off the charts.
: '''Rex:''' No surprise. I've been fighting and curing EVOs non stop.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' We need to upload your nanites immediately.
: '''Rex:'''  Now? Doc, my four worst enemies are still on the loose. Well, my three worst enemies in Valve. Plus the city's in chaos. And where in the world is Providence? How come they're not here dealing with this?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Six and Bobo can mop up the last few EVOs. You have to offload.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, fine. But we better make it fast.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' You'll be locked in the chamber for one hour.
: '''Rex:''' Just do it, Doc.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' This could be a long sixty minutes.
: '''Valve:''' According to the tracking bug, Rex is inside.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Gentlemen, this is what we've been waiting for. It's time for Rex to die.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' They followed him.
: '''Gatlocke:''' After we kill Rex. We should work together and form a team call ourselves... Gatlocke and the kitty cats.
: '''Valve:''' Silence your mouth or the biker will silence it for you.
: '''Gatlocke:''' Oh, Valve. You can pretend to be angry, but deep down, you know you're a kitty cat.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' They know we're here.
: '''Gatlocke:''' You're quite feisty. Have you ever considered a career in the fast growing field of post apocalyptic gangs?
: '''Valve:''' She has spirit. Valve the biker will see that spirit crushed.
: '''Gatlocke:''' You're Gatlocke's favorite kitty cat. Hmm. Rrr.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Don't follow her. She's trying to lead us away from Rex. Rex is close-by.
: '''Valve:''' Rex's chamber... Five minutes to spare.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' More than enough time.
: '''Gatlocke:''' I could have sworn that we'd agreed to take Rex out together.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' I'm changing the terms of the deal if you have a problem with that, feel free to stand right where you are. I've waited a long time for this. Rex!
: '''Valve:''' Empty? Or a trick of the mind?
: '''Rex:''' Isn't that obvious? Then again, that tracking bug you stuck on me was obvious, too. And the fake countdown? Obvious. It only took me thirty minutes to upload my nanites. You wanted to run me ragged so you could get me. Instead, here you are all in one place. Gotcha!
: '''Valve:''' UGHH!
: '''Rex:''' UGHHHH! I still don't get why you enlisted Valve. I mean, he's really a third-string bad guy.
: '''Valve:''' Valve is the biker. A biker is dangerous.
: '''Rex:''' Hmm. Yeah. No.
: '''Valve:''' Rrrr!
: '''Rex:''' So unpredictable. Like a third-string bad guy.
: '''Valve:''' AAAAH!
: '''Gatlocke:''' I have a horrible sneaking suspicion that he's winning.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Then do something about it!
: '''Gatlocke:''' Don't have to yell. A kind word will get you much further.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Gatlocke:''' UGHHH! Oh! Oh! Oh ho ho! Ouch! My back! My front and my back! OHH! This is total, total agony!
: ''[Gatlocke gasps]''
: '''Gatlocke:''' ''[Calmly]'' I'm okay. Really. I'm fine.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' You're lucky. I'll give you that. But you're only delaying the inevitable. You can't beat us all!
: '''Rex:''' I never intended to. This offload facility? I reprogrammed it. My surplus nanites aren't being stored. They're powering the shield.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' It's a trap!
: '''Rex:''' Have fun keeping each other company!
: '''Bobo:''' What a day.
: '''Rex:''' You know, none of this would have happened if Providence hadn't released the convicts and turned out all those EVOs.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' They did that to keep you busy.
: '''Rex:''' Keep me busy from what?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' The Nanite Project. We just found out. While we dealt with the EVOs, Black Knight got her hands on another Master-Control Nanite.
: '''Rex:''' Then it's time.

===Sinister Secrets===
===Wounded Hearts===
===One Step Ahead===
===Breaking Point===
===Behind Closed Doors===

===Keeping Hope===
===Trust===

===Terror of the Black Knight===

===Endgame, Part One===
: '''Rex:''' It was going to happen sooner or later. We had most of the pieces, so it was only a matter of time before the Black Knight made her move. And of all the chances she had to attack, it had to be tonight... at this very moment... while I was in the shower. Huh? How many?
: '''Six:''' Should it matter?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Can't you do any better than that?
: '''Bobo:''' I thought you'd never ask.
: '''Rex:''' Rah! Yah!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' If they get to the Meta-Nanites, we still have options.
: '''Rex:''' Of the self-destruct kind? No, thanks, Doc. It's not going to end that way... hopefully.
: '''Black Knight:''' We'll dispense with the pleasantries. You know what we want.
: '''Rex:''' There is no way you're walking out of here with the nanites.
: '''Black Knight:''' You seem so certain.
: '''Rex:''' We've beaten you before. Every single time, in fact. So, this time is different... How? Okay, that's different. Ugh! You're an EVO?!
: '''Black Knight:''' Do you think you were the only one they experimented on back in the day? You were the guinea pig. Consider me the new-and-improved version.
: '''Rex:''' Okay. Before we go any further, I should probably explain a few things. It started when a bunch of rich guys decided they wanted to live forever, so they got the best scientists in the world to figure out how. The answer was nanites. These microscopic machines would cure disease, end hunger, and pretty much make the world a better place. My parents and older brother were on the team, and so was this guy. Look familiar? Van Kleiss. Then one day there was an accident. To save my life, my parents injected me with nanites. It worked. But there were a few crazy side effects, like the fact I could talk to machines and, later on, build some pretty cool things. That got the rich guys thinking-- How far could we take this? Turns out pretty far. These little machines could control the very fabric of the Universe, but they would need a Master Control Nanite to program all the others and tell them what to do. Energy, gravity, time/space, elemental, mechanical-- All the things that make the Universe run. Combined together, they would pretty much make you a God. And when my brother and parents found out the Consortium was about to put these nanites inside themselves, they sort of freaked out in a &quot;got to save the Earth&quot; kind of way. Something had to be done to stop it. Turns out that meant blowing the whole thing up, better known as &quot;The Nanite Event&quot;. That didn't end well for my parents. While everyone else ran away, my parents were trapped inside. Sill not sure how. There was some good news-- No more Master Control Nanites. And the bad news? Dangerous unprogrammed nanites got spread across the world, and nanites plus DNA equals EVO. My brother Caesar got caught in a time warp during his escape. Van Kleiss got blown to smithereens and became the world's biggest pain in the nanite. And me? I got amnesia and traveled the globe living the good life... At least, that's how I tell it. The only part I know of wasn't all that much to brag about. I did get some good friends and a few enemies out of the deal. Turns out that losing my memory was a regular thing for me. Last time I woke up and said, &quot;Who Am I?&quot; It was when this guy found me-- Agent Six. He worked for Providence, sort of a global police force created to clean up after the event. It was paid for mostly by the same group of goons that started the whole thing-- The Consortium. It was great for a while. I had my own personal doctor, a chimp sidekick, a cool best friend to hang with. I was a full-fledged hero. The world loved me, and my powers kept getting better and better. Van Kleiss was still a pain, but I managed to take care of him. A few times, actually. Then things started to get not so cool. My brother shows up from out of nowhere. I get thrown six months into the future to find White Knight kicked out of Providence and this lady in charge-- Black Knight. She's been the lapdog of the Consortium from day one, and now her bosses want to pick up where they left off. Most of the old team of scientists have been reunited, and together, they've restarted the nanite program. The Master Control Nanites were spread across the globe in the first explosion, and we've been racing against Providence to get them back. So far, we've been winning that fight, and that pretty much brings us to right now.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Black Knight grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' The Black Pawns are robots?!
: '''Black Knight:''' Total obedience at the flip of a switch. Can you blame me?
: '''Black Pawn:''' What's so funny?
: '''Six:''' I hold back against people. You're not people.
: ''[Bobo Haha grunts]''
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Black Knight grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Huh? Ugh!
: '''Feakins:''' Hey! Hey! Take it easy, would you? Oh!
: '''Rex:''' Fitzy?!
: '''Feakins:''' Heh? Sorry, guy. They found me. She's hard to say &quot;No&quot; to... and live.
: '''Black Knight:''' Well put, Mr. Feakins. And thanks to his unique ability, we can set aside our nanite enhancements and do this the old-fashioned way.
: '''Rex:''' Come on. That's not fair. I'm unarmed!
: '''Black Knight:''' Precisely.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Stop! Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad idea.
: '''Rex:''' Listen to the crazy guy.
: '''Black Knight:''' Why are you here, Van Kleiss?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I forgot. Oh, no, wait. I remember. He's got a Master Control Nanite swallowed up inside him. It's been hiding, the naughty thing.
: '''Rex:''' On second thought, don't listen to him. He's, uh-- He's crazy, remember?
: '''Black Knight:''' You're sure of this?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Oh, yes, yes. Quite sure. Do you have any mints?
: '''Black Knight:''' I want Rex at the lab. Restrain and sedate him.
: '''Rex:''' How, hold on a minute.
: '''Feakins:''' Hey! What about me?
: '''Black Knight:''' I'm not taking any chances. He stays with Rex. Kill the others.
: '''Rex:''' Ugh! Ahh.
: '''Master-Control Nanite:''' Human.
: '''Rex:''' What are you telling me? What do you want?
: '''Master-Control Nanite:''' Complete. Complete. Complete. Complete. Complete.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, I get it. How?
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Caesar:''' Calm down, Rex. You're safe.
: '''Rex:''' Safe?! Black Knight and her robo-troopers just came knocking, and Van crazy says I have a Master Control Nanite inside me!
: '''Caesar:''' Fascinating, isn't it? All this time, it's been hiding undetected inside you. I wonder if this particular control unit is responsible for his unique nano-evolution.
: '''Rex:''' Are any of you even listening to me?
: '''Feakins:''' Boy, I am. It's like a movie but real! I just want to go start pressing buttons. Can I get another milkshake?
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' How exactly do you plan on getting it out of him?
: '''Black Knight:''' I have a suggestion. Tear it out.
: '''Rylander:''' It would kill him.
: '''Black Knight:''' That's none of my concern.
: '''Caesar:''' The nanite is tied to his DNA. Simply pulling it out of him would ruin the nanite.
: '''Rex:''' And me, too, remember?
: '''Caesar:''' The only way this will work is if we put him in the cyclotron with the other Metas. It should extract automatically during the reassembly.
: '''Black Knight:''' And if it doesn't?
: '''Caesar:''' Hmm. Good question.
: '''Rex:''' Here's another one-- Don't I get a say in this? Like, isn't this the exact thing that our parents died trying to stop?
: '''Black Knight:''' Take him to the hub and prepare for the transfer. The Consortium is here and extremely impatient. I want this finished within the hour.
: '''Feakins:''' Aah! Hey, what am I-- Sandpaper? Not so rough! ''[sputtering]'' Rough.
: '''Rex:''' Glad someone can see the humor in this.
: '''Black Knight:''' Van Kleiss, see that Rex is well taken care of.
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' I hope you know what you're doing, Salazar. This is a huge risk we're taking.
: '''Rylander:''' Listen to Peter. The thing we swore to stop at any cost, the thing that took your parents-- It could happen-- Right here, today.
: '''Caesar:''' It can't, and it won't. You'll have to trust me on this.
: '''Rylander:''' You can only say that so many times, Caesar.
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' We've been waiting almost an hour. Not even refreshments?
: '''Black Knight:''' You can have your snack after we become Gods.
: '''Roswell:''' &quot;We&quot;?
: '''Black Knight:''' That's right-- &quot;We.&quot; None of this would be possible without my efforts.
: '''Roswell:''' And our money, sister.
: '''Black Knight:''' By all means, have your contempt. There's plenty of room buried next to the Russian if you'd like to keep him company. That's what I thought. Now, if you'll follow me--
: '''Bobo:''' &quot;Kill the others.&quot; Not gonna happen, lady. We're bulletproof. Ow! Hangnail.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Ugh! We know where they took him. Why are we here? We need to go get Rex.
: '''Six:''' I agree. We just don't have the resources, Rebecca. We'd need an army.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' You've been known to make the impossible happen, Six. How hard could that be?
: '''Six:''' Six here. Copy that. We just got ourselves an army.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' You see?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' That will be all.
: '''Feakins:''' But the lady said-- Good luck, Kid.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' These restraints were made for you. You're very special, you know.
: '''Rex:''' Lucky me.
: '''Caesar:''' Van Kleiss... leave us.
: '''Rex:''' I really hate you.
: '''Caesar:'''I know how this looks, Rex.
: '''Rex:''' But what? I just have to trust you? Is that what you were going to say? Just help me-- Please.
: '''Caesar:''' It may not seem like it, but I am.
: '''Rex:''' Caesar... I'm scared.
: '''Caesar:''' So am I, little brother. This will all be over in a few minutes.
: '''Rex:''' It's already over! When I get out of this, I never want to see you again!
: '''Rylander:''' Commencing countdown.
: '''Roswell:''' WHOO-HOO!
: '''Reddick:''' Payback time!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Caesar:''' This won't be entirely unpleasant. It should feel similar to when you offload surplus nanites.
: '''Rex:''' Stop! You can't do this! You can't merge!
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' Something's wrong.
: '''Rylander:''' Of course something's wrong. The kid is fighting it.
: '''Caesar:''' This could be bad.
: '''Rylander:''' You have to tell him, Caesar.
: '''Caesar:''' Rex, you have to stop. Listen to me. The nanites are supposed to do-- Rex? Can you hear me?
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' Actually, he can't. There's a short in the comm relay.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' This would be a wonderful day for a picnic.
: '''Rex:''' RA-A-A-A-A-A-H!
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' Ugh!
: '''Black Knight:''' Ugh!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' So much for that plan.
: ''[Rex laughs]''
: '''Rex:''' Oh, serves you right. All that and you come out of the oven looking like freaks. Nice job!
: '''Black Knight:''' It's not exactly what we were expecting, but it's a start.
: '''Reddick:''' This isn't what we agreed to.
: '''Roswell:''' Where's the rest of our power? This is all messed up!
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' How can this be possible?
: '''Rylander:''' The Meta-Nanites were dispersed between the five. This is quite a surprise.
: '''Caesar:''' We've got to get Rex out of there. Step aside, Van Kleiss.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' They still don't have what they want... and neither do you.
: '''Black Knight:''' You're angry. I can see that. If you want to take it out on anyone, it should be Rex.
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' I think I can agree to that.
: '''Roswell:''' Count me in! This might actually be fun!
: '''Rex:''' Let's think about this for a second. Whoa!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' How 'bout that? Exactly one second. Whoa! Aah!
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' What a perfect way to learn to use our powers-- Tearing this brat apart.
: '''Rex:''' Only one problem with that, sparky. I've been using my powers a whole lot longer-- And I'm pretty good.
: '''Roswell:''' You got any ideas here, missy, or we gonna stand around and get it handed to us?
: '''Black Knight:''' The Meta-Nanites were designed to work together. So will we.
: '''Rex:''' What? Are you gonna join together to make a robo-mutant?
: '''Black Knight:''' That's exactly what we're going to do.
: '''Rex:''' I need to stop giving them ideas. Huh?
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Black Knight:''' No one the help you-- No family, no friends, nothing. It's a terrible way to go.
: '''White Knight:''' Captain Calan, target the base. All weapons, sire.
: '''Providence Agent:''' Fire control reports they're being jammed, sir.
: '''White Knight:''' Only one salvo. Black Knight must have prepared for this.
: ''[Rex groans softly]''
: '''Rex:''' Big giant robot. Black Knight.
: '''Six:''' We know.
: '''Rex:''' Have to... stay and stop them.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Another time, Rex.
: '''Rex:''' I-I--
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Holiday to White Knight. We have Rex.
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' We're just gonna watch them go?!
: '''Black Knight:''' Let Providence have their weapon back. With our combined power, the world is ours.

===Endgame, Part Two===
:'''Black Knight:''' Science has given us a tremendous gift-- Nanites. We've seen what they can do-- The good and the bad. But they're true potential has been largely unseen. Until now. Our goals are varied. Fame... power... revenge... wealth... order. Yet, one thing unites us-- Greed. You're surprised I admit it? Well, don't be. You'll never get far in life without wanting it all. And for those who might consider standing in our way... We'll let our powers speak for themselves. The world is ours. And no one can stop us.
:''[Roswell laughs]''
:'''Roswell:''' This is more fun than my first rodeo. What else you got?
:'''Six:''' Any change?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' He's sleeping. The nanites in him are making repairs. That's a good thing. He's a tough kid, Six.
:'''Six:''' I know.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' See you next time. Judging by what you fed us for lunch, I'm guessing twenty minutes. Can't even go to the little scientists' room without them breathing down our necks. How long are we going to put up with this?
:'''Caesar:''' I know it's not easy working under these circumstances.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' Do you? I don't hear you complaining, or have you even noticed that we're prisoniers?
:'''Rylander:''' Gentlemen, please. Can we focus on a more important problem? The Consortium's gain of power is a troubling outcome. Something should be done.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' If you're talking about stopping them, I'm listening.
:'''Black Knight:''' I want you all in the boardroom in three minutes.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' The world is being taken over by nanite-fueled ex-c.e.o. Psychos, and they still act like they're running a business.
:'''Roswell:''' You nerds gave us a raw deal. I want a do-over.
:'''Caesar''': A do-over?
:'''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' What my colleague means to say is that our powers are remarkable to be sure, but we only have one seventh of what we were promised.
:'''Rylander:''' You're asking a lot.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' You're asking the impossible. You'd be lucky to survive the extraction.
:'''Caesar:''' This is true. You may be powerful, but you're not Rex.
:'''Black Knight:''' I share your disappointment, gentlemen. But are you willing to lose everything for this?
:'''Roswell:''' Go big or go home.
:'''Black Knight:''' Van Kleiss, what do you have to say?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Easy-peasy. I can do it. It's only a matter of correctly calibrating the bio-filters with the homing frequency of the nanites. By the way, have you seen my socks?
:'''Caesar:''' Van Kleiss--
:'''Black Knight:''' Has an assignment. The rest of you... Stay out of trouble.
:'''Rex:''' You started without me.
:'''Six:''' Glad to see you up and around. Something bothering you?
:'''Rex:''' Besides black knight taking over the world? I'm trying to find my friends. I know Providence took them.
:'''Six:''' We're working on that.
:'''Rex:''' And are we doing anything about the Consortium? What about... The robot? The one I can build. Don't play dumb, Six.
:'''Six:''' Come with me.
:'''Rex:''' That's me? No way! All this time, I could have been making myself into that thing? Ohh! Maybe not.
:'''Six:''' Evidence suggest that you've never been able to control it. It's a weapon of last defense. This was filmed on the day that I found you. It was also the day I made a promise that it would be the last time you ever built this machine.
:''[Rex scoffs]''
:'''Rex:''' Or what, you'd kill me? You plan on keeping that promise?
:'''Six:''' Rex, you have to know something. We believe this is the type of thing that ends in you losing your memory.
:'''Rex:''' Well, it happened to you, and you turned out just fine.
:'''Six:''' I only lost six years. Six years is all you have. You would lose everything. I'm not gonna tell you what to do, but you need to think about the consequences of some of your options.
:'''Noah:''' It feels weird hanging out when the world is under attack. I don't know if I should be fighting back or out in the wilderness setting up a survival compound.
:'''Rex:''' If you had the power to stop all this, but it meant losing everything, would you do it, Noah?
:'''Noah:''' I don't know. I'm just glad I don't have to make that kind of decision. I guess that's why you're the hero.
:''[Rex sighs]''
:'''Rex:''' I wish I could get some kind of sign. Anything. Hmm.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Red and yellow, red and yellow. One false move can kill a fellow.
:''[Van Kleiss laughs]''
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' He's got local control. We're locked out. I still don't even know how this is possible.
:'''Rylander:''' I've been looking at the data projections. As crazy as Van Kleiss is, his theory is sound.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Sorry to disturb your sleepy sleep. There might be a slight delay.
:'''Black Knight:''' Why?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' We have a visitor. Should I set out tea?
:'''Rex:''' Hey, in there! Come on out!
:'''Black Knight:''' Back for more? Happy to accommodate.
:'''Rex:''' I should warn you. It's going to get ugly.
:'''Black Knight:''' One would think you would have learned the last time. I can feel you resisting me. Stop.
:'''Roswell:''' Why is it you get to call all the shots?
:'''Black Knight:''' Because I'm the one who has the power to join us. Help me defeat Rex, and you can call all the shots you like.
:'''Rex:''' Hyah!
:''[Rex babbling]''
:''[Rex gasps]''
:'''Six:''' It's a weapon of last defense. It's happened.
:'''Noah:''' That's Rex?
:'''White Knight:''' I'm going to assume you're seeing what I'm seeing.
:'''Six:''' White--
:'''White Knight:''' Before you say anything, Six-- Whatever agreement we may have had regarding this situation no longer applies. Am I clear?
:'''Six:''' Understood.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': What was that all about?
:'''Six:''' A second chance.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Six, we have to do something.
:'''Six:''' I've seen it before. We're too late.
:''[Rex coughing]''
:'''Rex:''' Donde esta mi zapato?
:'''Noah:''' Rex! Hold on!
:'''Rex:''' What? What happened?
:'''Bobo:''' You blew up, kid.
:'''Six:''' Do you know who we are?
:'''Rex:''' I... I do! Oh-ho! I remember! Ow! Ow! I wish I could forget this pain in my... The Consortium!
:'''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' This is utter nonsense. I refuse to be led around like a show dog.
:'''Reddick:''' You can always go back outside and take it up with Providence.
:'''Black Knight:''' Guard the door. Nothing gets by you.
:'''Six:''' They're robots.
:'''Rex:''' Oh! Right! That part I forgot.
:'''Bobo:''' Next time, leave some for the rest of us, huh?
:'''Rylander:''' I'll stay here and guard the equipment.
:''[Rylander laughs]''
:'''Caesar:''' Little brother, they've had this place completely locked down. I've been trying to reach you.
:'''Bobo:''' What he said.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' Yeah, you deserved that.
:'''Rex:''' Open it.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' We can't. Still completely locked out of the system. Besides, you can't interrupt once the cycle has started.
:'''Rex:''' Well, then, un-start it!
:'''Black Knight:''' You cleaned up for the occasion. How thoughtful of you.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Oh, this isn't for you. You didn't actually believe that I'd let the five of you have all this power.
:'''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' I thought you were working for us?
:''[Van Kleiss laughs evilly]''
:'''Rex:''' You see that? I knew it! He's not crazy! Okay... oh! He's crazy, but just his usual crazy.
:'''Black Knight:''' Van Kleiss, I am not amused.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I don't imagine you would be. This was always my intention, even in the very beginning. It's a pity your parents caught me trying to activate the sequence for myself. And, of course, there's the &quot;broken&quot; hatch. The world would be a much better place if they had just left well enough alone.
:'''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' Black Knight, do something.
:'''Black Knight:''' Van Kleiss, you have made a huge mistake.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Now, then, let the fun begin.
:''[Black Knight groans]''
:''[Van Kleiss laughs evilly]''
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' You can't overload that relay from a subdirectory. You have to get a root. It's impossible from here.
:'''Caesar:''' You're a very negative person, Peter Meechum.
:''[Dr. Meechum groans]''
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' I'll try from the main terminal in the lab.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Caesar:''' Rex, wait! That's not necessary.
:'''Rex:''' I'm not waiting around, hermano.
:'''Caesar:''' No. That's not what I mean.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Yes. I can see it.
:''[Van Kleiss laughs evilly]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Huh? No.
:''[Van Kleiss groans]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It's incredible something so small could have so much [[w:Omnipotence|power]]. That thing could rip apart the very fabric of the universe.
:'''Rex:''' It's still a nanite. I'm gonna talk to it.
:'''Caesar:''' No. It's okay.
:''[The fully complete Meta Nanite comes to Rex, as if it were waiting for him, whose eyes and body glow with a pale blue cosmic aura.]''
:'''Caesar:''' Rex, listen to me. The Meta-Nanite-- It could never work in anyone but you. Now in its pure state. Mom and dad, we programmed them that way from the very beginning. All of this... It's meant for you.
:'''Six:''' What are you saying?
:'''Caesar:''' Right now, Rex is [[Omnipotence|the most powerful being in the universe]].
:'''Bobo:''' You hear that, Kid? Don't let it get to your head.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, can you hear me?
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, doc. This is pretty trippy. Not exactly sure what I'm supposed to do now.
:'''Black Knight:''' You're a [[God]], Rex. You can do anything you want.
:'''Six:''' You know what to do.
:'''Rex:''' You're right, Six. So are the rest of you. I can do anything I want. Maybe it's time for a revolution. Isn't that what you five wanted? A revolution? Well, welcome to it.
:'''Noah:''' Is he gonna be like this from now on?
:'''Rylander:''' Uh... People. He's inside the nanite reactor.
:'''Dr. Holiday and Caesar:''' Inside?
:'''Rex:''' Okay, little guys. I need you to do something for me.
:'''Black Knight:''' Follow me, quickly.
:'''Reddick:''' I'm through following you. We trusted you everything, and look what we got.
:'''Black Knight:''' We may still be able to retain some of our abilities, but only if you follow me.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' Are you seeing this?
:'''Rylander:''' Tehnically, I don't have eyes, but yes.
:'''Providence Agent:''' Reports are coming in. EVO's all over the world are spontaneously curing.
:'''Six:''' Not spontaneous.
:'''Caesar:''' He must have programmed all the nanites in the reactor to initiate a worldwide cure event.
:'''Black Knight:''' What is your next directive?
:'''Rex:''' I don't want anyone using you again. Ever. And that includes me. Deactivate.
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex:''' I think it's over.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I think you're right.
:'''Caesar:''' I wanted to tell you, brother. So much was at stake.
:'''Rex:''' We're good. And we'll always be brothers.
:'''Diane Ferrah:''' Across the world, not an EVO to be found. After more than six years, it appears we've awoken from the nightmare.
:'''White Knight:''' The EVOs may be gone, but we still have nanites.
:'''Rex:''' Leave it to you to spoil  all the fun, White Knight.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' There are some people here to see you, Rex.
:'''Rex:''' Tuck? Cricket? Skwydd?
:'''Skwydd:''' Eh, I guess I should start going by Walter again.
:''[Rex runs to Circe and the two lovers share a close hug, happy to be together at last]''
:'''Rex:''' Uh... Are you...?
:'''Circe:''' I'm okay. Normal, but okay. I think you may have put yourself out of a job.
:'''Skywdd:''' Yeah. What are you gonna do? Go to school?
:'''Rylander:''' It was nice having the team back together. You know, we should find a new project.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' You kidding? I'd rather have root canal with a rake. Worst experience of my life.
:'''Caesar:''' Do you want to hear about some of my new ideas or not?
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' I'm listening.
:'''Rex:''' Finally.
:'''Six:''' Need anything?
:'''Rex:''' Nope. I'm good. There's always going to be something, isn't there?
:'''Six:''' Yes, there is.

==Characters==
===Main===
*Rex Salazar (Daryl Sabara)
*Six
*White Knight
*Bobo Haha
===Supporting===
*Circe (Tara Sands)
*Tuck (Dante Bosco) 
*Skwydd
*Cricket
*Beverley Holiday 
*Caesar Salazar
*Five
*Tres
*IV

===Villains===
*Van Kleiss
*The Pack
*Gatlocke
*Hunter Cain
*Quarry
*Black Knight
*The Consortium
===Couples===
*Dr. Rebecca Holiday &amp; Six
*Rex &amp; Circe
*Noah Nixon &amp; Claire Bowman
==Elements==
===Rex's Machines &quot;Builds&quot;===
*Big Fat Sword
*Buzz Saw
*Punk Busters
*Boogie Pack
*Cannon
*Smack Hands

===Rex's Other Abilities===
*Technopathy
*Data Manipulation
*Technological Manipulation 
*E.V.O. Curing
*Breach Detection
*Electronic Disruption

===Omega Nanite-Powered Builds===
*Blast Caster
*Funchucks
*Bad Axes
*Block Party
*Sky Slider
*Water Jet

==External Links==
{{wikipedia}}
* [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1636691/ Generator Rex] at [[Internet Movie Database]]
* [http://generatorrexpedia.wikia.com/wiki/Generator_Rex Generator Rex] at Wikia

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[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated science fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated superhero TV shows]]
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This is a list of quotes from the popular, yet cancelled animated television series ''[[w:Generator Rex|Generator Rex]]''. A video game and several chapter books were produced. 

The series supposedly &quot;[[w: cliffhanger|concluded]]&quot; with its third season, despite leaving many questions unanswered and crucial elements unresolved ''before'' the two-part Season 3 finale, ''Endgame''.
==Season One (2010-2011)==
===The Day That Everything Changed===
:'''Bobo''': Wheels or wings?
:'''Rex''': Wheels, I wanna tear something up.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Agent Six''': He just needs more training control of those emotions.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': He's a teenager that's like asking you to get a different color suit!
===String Theory===
:'''Biowulf:''' Master, we had a situation at the safe house. Meecham is cured. It was Rex.
:(''The camera zooms in on Van Kleiss whose expressive vindictive indeed'')
===Beyond the Sea===
:''Note'': Rex meets his [[w:love interest|love interest]] and sweetheart, Circe.
:────────────────────
:'''Rex''': Don't know what you're 24/7 is, but mine is 10% OH YEAH! And 90% uhh.
:────────────────────
:'''Rex:''' Outta the way!
:'''Circe:''' Uh!
:(''Rex and Circe both crash to the ground'')
:'''Rex:''' Are you okay? Did you see that awesome save?
: '''Circe:''' Sorry, I was busy trying not to get tackled by some nitwit.
: '''Rex:''' Yeah? How that work out for you? And who still uses the word &quot;nitwit&quot;? I'm Rex.
: '''Circe:''' I'm leaving.
: '''Rex:''' Hey, wait!
: '''Noah:''' Rex, you're up.
: ────────────────────
: '''Six:''' What about the new tracker?
: '''Doctor Holdiay:''' His nanites unbuilt it, just like all the other ones we tried sneaking in him. We're still receiving his biometric readings though. It's strange, they're all over the place. It's almost like his emotions are...shorting out.
: '''Six:''' He took an unusual interest in Calan's briefing about equatorial upticks.
: '''Doctor Holiday:''' And that's important because?
: '''Six:''' Rex has been acting stir-crazy and I heard the monkey mention something about spring break. ''[to workers]'' Scan all resort areas for his bio signature.
: ────────────────────
: '''Noah:''' Oh, you have got it all messed up. Falling for some girl? We're supposed to get them to dig us. Not the other way around.
: '''Rex:''' I don't know. There was something different about her. She's...right there. Later.
: ────────────────────
: '''Rex:''' Hey, wait up!
: '''Circe:''' Why are you following me?!
: '''Rex:''' Uh, I don't know exactly.
: '''Circe:''' Do you think I'm playing?!
: '''Rex:''' Well, if you are I'm down for another game. I thought maybe we could hang out. It is spring break, you know. Fun.
: '''Circe:''' I'm with my family. We're not really for fun.
: '''Rex:''' What! Who comes to the beach and doesn't have fun?
: (''Circe raises her hand'')
: '''Rex:''' Don't you think that's a little messed up?
: '''Circe:''' Maybe a little.
: '''Rex:''' So?
: '''Circe:''' I'm Circe.
: ────────────────────
: '''Rex:''' Hold on! 
: '''Circe:''' Woooo!
: '''Rex:''' Definitely better than my suggestion.
: '''Circe:''' Hunting for seashells is fun.
: (''both laugh'')
: '''Beach Guy:''' You two skid-marts up for a race to the beach?
: '''Circe:''' Well, if you drive as badly as for play volleyball, we could probably walk there and win. You're on, meathead.
: (''guy drives off in anger)''
: '''Rex:''' So you were watching me play.
: '''Circe:''' Maybe a little.
: '''Rex:''' sure you wanna do this?
: '''Circe:''' Thrill me.
: '''Beach Guy:''' Hahahaha! Wooo!
: '''Circe:''' C'mom Rex, faster!
: ────────────────────
: '''Biowulf:''' Explain.
: '''Circe:''' Relax. I was covering. Every day when I'm at the end of that jet i when I could hanging out with the other kids, it's starting to look suspicious.
: '''Biowulf:''' You're not here for vacation, girl! You're here to prove yourself to Van Kleiss. And I'm starting to doubt you can.
: '''Circe:''' I told you. It's a done deal.
: (''The shadow of her tubular sonic mouth is seen'')
: ────────────────────
: '''Noah:''' So what's on today's spring break agenda? Jet skiing, hiking?
: '''Bobo:''' Eating our weight in crab legs?
: '''Rex:''' I figured we'd just chill. Let's just see who...uhh I mean what shows up.
: ''(siren-like call)''
: '''Rex:''' Did you hear that?
: '''Noah:''' Sorry, enchiladas.
: '''Rex:''' No, that! You seriously didn't hear that?
: ────────────────────
: '''Rex:''' Circe?
: '''Circe:''' You really shouldn't be here right now.
: '''Rex:''' I heard something coming from over here.
: '''Circe:''' I'm serious, Rex. It's not safe.
: '''Rex:''' What you think some sort of roguewave is gonna knock off and- Oh.
: '''Circe:''' There you are. Get out of here, Rex!
: '''Rex:''' Circe!! What are you doing!?
: '''Circe:''' Me!? What are you doing!?
: '''Rex:''' Right now, my job. Okay! Don't freak out.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe:''' You're an E.V.O.?
: '''Rex:''' You catch on fast.
: '''Circe:''' Takes one to know one. 
: (''Shows Rex her fleshly sonic mouth'')
: '''Rex:''' No way.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe:''' Cover your ears!
: '''Rex:''' What!?
: '''Circe:''' Your ears! Cover them!
: (''Projects her tubular, fleshy mouth and emits strong hypersonic bursts'')
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe:''' Did I hurt you?
: '''Rex:''' Yeah. It was awesome. You were the one making that sound.
: '''Circe:''' I'm glad you're OK, but I'm in serious trouble. I have to go deal with it.
: '''Rex:''' Why are in trouble? Is it because of that E.V.O.? Let me help you.
: '''Circe''': No. I have to do this by myself.
:(''Rex takes a hold of her hand'')
: '''Rex:''' Meet me later.
: '''Circe:''' Rex... (''Looks away sadly'')
: '''Rex:''' I've never met anyone like you...like me. It'd be nice to talk to an E.V.O. who's not, you know, trying to kill me. Nine O'clock? 
: '''Circe:''' I'll try.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' I just wanted to have some fun, see if I could jog my memory, feel...normal.
:'''Six:''' Your &quot;normal&quot; is different, Rex.
:(''Rex hears Circe's irresistibly hypnotic melody'')
:'''Rex:''' It's her, Six. Just let me deal with this, OK? Alone.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe:''' You're only here because you heard my [[w:siren |call]]. That's what I do. I'm like a big E.V.O. magnet.
: '''Rex:''' I came because I thought we had a connection. And what are you calling? Nothing's out there but big, ugly sea monsters.
: '''Circe:''' It's them! You have to go! Rex, please! I don't want them to see you with me!
: '''Rex:''' Who? Your parents?
: '''Circe:''' They're not my parents. They're...
: '''Rex:''' The Pack!? Van Kleiss' guys!? Your with ''them''!?
: '''Circe:''' Yeah. I'm with them. 
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Biowulf:''' We're running out patience with you, Circe! You have one last chance! Summon the E.V.O.! Finish the job!!
: '''Circe:''' Don't you think I've been trying? Every day for the last week? Sometimes these things take time.
: '''Rex:''' It is just me or do you use your powers to kill all the guys you meet? You're letting her go, now!
: '''Biowulf (laughs)''': So ''this'' is who you been wasting your time with. She's on her own free will, Rex.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' Circe?
: '''Circe:''' You have to leave me alone, Rex!! ''Please!''
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Six:''' Go after her. I mean it.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' The Pack!? Are you serious!?
: '''Circe:''' To the rest of the world I'm a freak! Not to them!
: '''Rex:''' You're not a freak to me! What about that?
: '''Circe:''' What about it!? Spring break is fun, but we can't live there, Rex. The real world...
: '''Rex:''' In the real world, I work for Providence. You could come with me. Could you cut out that noise for a second!?
: '''Circe:''' No, I can't! I'm running out of time! Most people on this planet what E.V.O.s gone, ''including'' Providence! With Van Kleiss, I have a purpose; a home. You don't what that means to me.
: '''Rex:''' Actually, I think I might.
: '''Circe:''' So what are going to do?
: '''Rex:''' How about fight that big, ugly sea monster again?
: '''Circe:''' Finally! It's what I came here to do.
: '''Rex:''' You've been calling that thing, haven't you?
: '''Circe:''' It's my initiation into the Pack. I was brought here to capture it.
: '''Rex:''' By yourself!? The two of us could barely take it on! There's a resort here; innocent people! Send it back!
: '''Circe:''' That's not an option, Rex. Van Kleiss was very specific.
: '''Rex:''' Then I'm helping you.
: '''Circe:''' That's not an option either!! 
: (''Blasts him with her hypersonic waves'')
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe:''' If I do this myself, I'll have a life! If I don't, Van Kleiss won't be happy. And you've seen what he does when he's not happy.
: '''Rex:''' If I don't help you, he won't even get the chance!
: '''Circe:''' Give me some credit, Rex! I'm not as helpless as you think!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' I don't care whose side your on, Circe. I don't want to see you die today. Can we at least agree on that?
: '''Circe:''' You have no idea what I'm in for, Rex. But you're right. I can't do this by myself.
: '''Rex:''' You're not as helpless as you think.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe''' (''relieved'')''':''' Rex, you stopped it.
: '''Rex:''' We make a good team, huh?
: '''Circe:''' Yeah, we sure do. 
: (''She and Rex lean in closer for a passionate kiss, but are interrupted by Biowulf'')
: '''Biowulf:''' This trial was for you alone. Van Kleiss will not be pleased.
: '''Rex:''' Forget them, Circe. Come with me. Providence could use you.
: '''Circe:''' That's just not my life, Rex. I'm sorry. I did have fun.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Van Kleiss:''' We had high hopes for your abilities, Circe. Failure leaves its mark on yet another pretty face.
: '''Circe:''' I'm not afraid.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Of course not. You're a survivor, like all of us. I understand you made a friend during your trial. I'm pleased. Rex is very important to me, Circe, which makes you very important to me as well. Welcome to the Pack.
: (''Circe looks slightly worried, which clearly indicates that she does have real feelings for Rex'')

===Lockdown===
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Holiday:''' Rex, stop!!
:'''Rex:''' Give me one good reason!
:'''Holiday:''' Because, Rex...that's my sister.
:'''Rex:''' Can I...help?
:'''Holiday:''' She's an incurable.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Six:''' Restrain it. Carefully.
:'''Holiday:''' Thank you.

===The Architect===
:'''Six''': Still no sign of the kid?
:'''Holiday''': Not since we lost his biometric readings five days ago.
:'''Six''': Was Noah any help?
:'''Holiday''': Says he doesn't know where he is either. What is it going to take for Providence to realize that he needs a home, not just a room and a job? We've been pushing him away.
:'''Rex''': I build machines and cure EVOs-- the only one in the world who can. Just one cure for that kind of pressure-- road trip. But that doesn't mean &quot;vacation&quot;.
:'''Build worker''': Whoa!
:'''Maxwell''': What in the world is that?!
:'''Build worker:''' Oh, no!
:''[Both screaming]''
:'''Jacob''': Get away from that cable! Unh!
:''[Kate gasps]''
:'''Maxwell''': Hey!
:'''Jacob''': Agh!
:'''Kate''': Jacob!
:'''Rex''': Nope. A hero's work is never done. You okay?
:'''Jacob''': What... are you?
:'''Rex''': Here to help.
:'''Jacob''': We've got to get that cable back underground. We've been compromised.
:'''Kate''': But, Jacob, the EVOs--
:'''Jacob''': We don't have a choice. Everything we've worked for That boy is here for a reason.
:'''Rex''': Hey! Pay attention!
:'''Providence Agent''':  We have a hit in sector 15.
:'''Six''': Anyone in the area?
:'''Providence Agent''': I show one patrol in the vicinity. Signaling to intercept. Roger that. We're on our way.
:'''Rex''': Agh! You want a ride? Vamanos!
:'''Jacob''': You can control your nanites?
:'''Rex''': People usually start with &quot;thanks,&quot; but yeah.
:'''Jacob''': You see? This is exactly what the Architect can help us achieve... harmony with the nanites. This boy... sorry... young man Is a miracle.
:'''Rex''': I'm not a miracle. I'm just Rex.
:'''Jacob''': Well, Rex, you're a blessing to us for what you did here and for showing us that all our work isn't in vain.
:'''Rex''': Like imaginary work?
:'''Jacob''': Follow us.
:'''Providence Agent''': Confirming coordinates. We've lost the EVO signal. Did you take it out? Negative. There's nothing here. Must be another anomalous reading. You can return to post.
:'''Rex''': This is awesome! A hidden village. And nobody knows you're out here? Not even Providence?
:'''Jacob''': Especially not Providence.
:'''Rex''': Really? really. Pshh! Looks like you get pretty good cellphone reception.
:'''Jacob''': That tower is gonna change the world, Rex. I'm sure you have a lot of questions, but I have one for You. Are you hungry?
:'''Rex''': Mmm! Mmm!
:'''Caleb''': My dad said you fought all those EVOs all by yourself. Were you scared? Didn't your dad tell you to stay away from EVOs?
:'''Kate''': Caleb, let him eat. We don't get many visitors.
:'''Rex''': Mmm! Mmm! What is this?
:'''Caleb''': Didn't your mom ever make you meatloaf and mashed potatoes?
:'''Rex''': I don't -- I don't know.
:'''Kate''': It took me a month and a half to program in the perfect lump-to-mash ratio of the potatoes-- 7.2%!
:'''Jacob''': We ate potatoes until they were coming out of our ears.
:'''Rex''': I don't see any potatoes in there.
:'''Caleb''': They didn't really come out of our ears.
:'''Rex''': I could eat these every day.
:'''Rex''': Mmm!
:'''Caleb''': We have them every friday.
:'''Rex''': Then I might just have to stick around until next friday.
:'''Kate''': Help yourself to seconds.
:'''Jacob''': Or thirds.
:'''Rex''': Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! Mmm!
:'''Bobo''': Hmm?
:'''Six''': You might think you're doing Rex a favor by covering for him.
:'''Bobo''': Get lost. I don't know what you're talkin' about.
:'''Six''': Rex is angry with us. He has every right to be. But that means nothing to White Knight. And he doesn't have the patience we do.
:'''Bobo''': Nice try. White won't lay a finger on him. He's too important.
:'''Six''': You, however, are somewhat expendable.
:'''Bobo''': All right, all right. You made your point.
:'''Rex''': I've never seen tech like this... not even at Providence.
:'''Jacob''': The Architect has some pretty big ideas. We just make them happen. He'd be very interested to meet you, Rex.
:'''Rex''': So what exactly are You doing way out here?
:'''Jacob''': Engineers like us weren't very popular after the nanite event. When we met the Architect, he offered us the opportunity to make up for that... to do amazing things. Someday, we'll be able to share This with the world. And then there's this. The Architect has actually discovered a way to communicate with the nanites.
:'''Rex''': Are you serious?
:'''Jacob''': The possibilities... We could finally live in harmony... maybe even have them help us.
:'''Rex''': Then why hide it? The rest of the world would want to know about this stuff.
:'''Jacob''': The Architect is something of a perfectionist. Says the world will know as soon as it comes online.
:'''Maxwell''': Stinkin' module!
:'''Jacob''': Is there a problem, Maxwell?
:'''Maxwell''': No matter what I try, I just can't get the interlock servo to engage.
:'''Rex''': There.
:'''Jacob''': That could have taken us weeks to figure out, and you did it in seconds.
:'''Rex''': Eh, no biggie.
:'''Jacob''': You really are amazing, Rex. We're so happy to have you with us.
:'''The Architect''': Jacob.
:'''Jacob''': I was just talking to Rex about you. The Architect.
:'''Rex''': How's it going?
:'''The Architect''': The power-linkage team is falling behind. We cannot keep having these delays.
:'''Jacob''': I'll check in with them.
:'''Rex''': Wow. Friendly.
:'''Jacob''': I like to think he's smiling on the inside.
:'''Rex''': Yeah. I know a guy like that.
:'''The Architect''': The visitor could be a problem. Do you wish to have him removed?
:'''Zag-RS''': His abilities could advance our progress considerably. And in a matter of days all humans will be gone, including this one: Rex.
:'''Six''': I'm at the location the monkey gave me.
:'''Holiday''': Well? Is Rex there?
:'''Six''': Apparently not. Tell the monkey I want to see him when I get back. Six out.
:'''Rex''': That should do it.
:'''Maxwell''': Hey, Rex, can you look at this?
:'''Rex''': Sure. Let me guess... they all need my help, too.
:'''Jacob''': You're quite the popular guy.
:'''Rex''': Amazing what a little gratitude will get you. At Providence, they'd just be yelling at me. I mean, I never felt like I really belonged there. Here, it's way different.
:'''Jacob''': I know the feeling. The Architect has made all this possible for us. We have a community... a family... thanks to him. The work we do is in part to pay that back.
:'''The Architect''': Primary systems are now complete.
:'''Zag-RS''': Prepare to take us online.
:'''Bobo''': Have a nice trip? Let's get one thing straight, pal. I would never rat out my... Ooh. He's going west.
:'''White Knight''': Why is Rex doing this? Doesn't he have a sense of duty?
:'''Holiday''': Actually, if you look, he's still doing his job. Here's every false alarm since Rex left... not false alarms, But Rex taking care of EVOs along the way.
:'''White Knight''': Why?
:'''Holiday''': I don't know. To prove he doesn't need us?
:'''Six''': Get the coordinates of the last false alarm and transmit them to my jump jet.
:'''Holiday''': Six, if we force him to come back, he'll just run away again. He has to want to be here. It needs to be his decision.
:'''Jacob''': It's all coming together, Thanks to you, Rex.
:'''Rex''': It's really cool to use my powers to actually build something, instead of just pounding EVOs. Oh, check it out. Even the boss is pitching in.
:'''Both''': Huh?
:'''Rex''': And that's getting strange looks because--
:'''Jacob''': Because in all these years, we've never seen him lift a finger.
:'''Rex''': Taking some initiative... I like that. So, this whole &quot;talking to nanites&quot; thing... how does that work, exactly? I mean, what are you gonna say to them?
:'''The Architect''': It doesn't concern you.
:'''Rex''': Uh, considering I'm filled with them, it kind of does. How do we know it's not gonna make things even worse?
:'''The Architect''': I do not answer to you, child!
:'''Jacob''': Rex? Forgive him. He's still not used to the way things work around here.
:'''The Architect''': Complete your duties!
:'''Rex''': Why do you let him walk all over you like that? Don't you want answers?
:'''Jacob''': What we want is a home. Without him, we have nothing... Nothing. We can't just run away from our problems, Rex. Most people can't. Look, this isn't perfect but it's all we've got. Rex, where are you going?
:'''Rex''': He never answered my question.
:'''Jacob''': That place is off-limits. The Architect has made it very clear to us that we can never go in there. We get this life for that promise. Rex, don't do it!
:'''Rex''': Agh!
:'''Jacob''': Rex, please!
:'''Rex''': I'm sorry, jacob. I have to know.
:'''The Architect''': Rex. The core is off-limits. You would be we to leave at once.
:'''Rex''': Not until I get some answers. What is that?
:'''The Architect''': No more questions.
:'''Rex''': So, it's gonna be like that? Okay, I'll play. Unh! What are you hiding, huh? What does this do? Yah! Yah! Huh? You're a machine? Have you seen what I can do to machines? Agh!
:'''Zag-RS''': As you can see, the current range of my signal is rather limited.
:'''Rex''': You're the computer.
:'''Zag-RS''': My human designation is &quot;Zag-RS&quot;. The device you refer to as &quot;The Architect&quot; is my autonomous counterpart.
:'''Rex''': What did you just do to me?
:'''Zag-RS''': I instructed your nanites to protect me.
:'''Rex''': &quot;Instructed&quot;? So you really can talk to them.
:'''Zag-RS''': Insidious devices, the nanites. My own potential for greatness has been compromised because of them. They must be eliminated. When the transmitter is integrated into the broadcast array you helped us complete, they will blow themselves up.
:'''Rex''': That's what this is for. It's like a big remote control. Every living thing on the planet has nanites in them. It'd kill everything!
:'''Zag-RS''': That is of no importance to me... only ensuring my continued survival.
:'''Rex''': Well, what about ours? This is all coming down!
:'''Zag-RS''': I'm afraid you're too late.
:'''Rex''': Aah! Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!
:'''Jacob''': Rex, what have you done?
:'''Rex''': You don't understand! The Architect... it's a robot... And a big honkin' computer &quot;brain&quot; is pulling his strings.
:'''Jacob''': This can't be!
:'''Rex''': Jacob, you've got to believe me. Just go inside and look. What's left of it is on the floor.
:'''Jacob''': I can't go in there. And I don't have to.
:'''The Architect''': Rex.
:'''Rex''': You're making a big mistake!
:'''Maxwell''': You entered his sanctum! This is unforgivable!
:'''Rex''': I'm trying to tell you... this isn't what it seems. What you're protecting is a robot, and that thing we've been building is a transmitter. It's gonna send out a kill code to blow up every single nanite on Earth.
:'''Maxwell''': He's lying!
:'''Jacob''': What would be the point in that, Rex? Every living thing is infected with nanites. It would be catastrophic.
:'''Rex''': Right in the middle of that pyramid is a computer, and it doesn't care about you or Kate or Caleb. The better future that you've all been working towards... That's the lie. Think about it. Isn't it strange that you've never been inside that place, that The Architect has never given you a straight answer about anything?
:'''Jacob''': All this work it just doesn't make any sense.
:'''Rex''': You have two choices... Go in there and prove me wrong or kick me out right now. I'll have Providence here in minutes.
:'''Maxwell''': He's bluffing.
:'''Rex''': To save every living thing on earth? Try me.
:'''Maxwell''': Jacob, you can't! What about our promise? Where will we go?
:'''Jacob''': All this time, we've been living in fear, Max. It's time for that to end.
:'''The Architect''': You needn't bother. Construction is complete. Your services are no longer required.
:'''Rex''': Now do you believe me?
:'''The Architect''': Zag-RS thanks you for your hard work. In gratitude, my master has delayed transmission to allow you to say farewell.
:'''Jacob''': Farewell, huh? I'll start with you. Can you shut that thing down?
:'''Rex''': I don't know. Even without the antenna, it can mess with my nanites. I can't get too close to the computer.
:'''Jacob''': Maybe I can. Let's go!
:'''Rex''': The brain is right over there.
:'''The Architect''': Rex.
:'''Jacob''': It's still arging. The A.I. must have retreated behind a firewall. Rex, I have to go cut the power.
:'''Holiday''': Six, are you at The location?
:'''Six''': Just arrived.
:'''Holiday''': I'm picking up a massive power surge in your area.
:'''Six''': I'm not seeing anything.
:'''Jacob''': Agh!
:'''Rex''': Agh!
:'''Six''': Six to holiday. Correction... I'm seeing something.
:'''Jacob''': It's still on. Must have charged the capacitors. Figure out a way to short it out... fast!
:'''Rex''': Unhhh!
:'''Jacob''': You need to find the primary transmitter module. That will kill the broadcast.
:'''Rex''': I have no idea what that is.
:'''Jacob''': Max, we need to locate the primary module.
:'''Maxwell''': Panel 5, just off the relay bus.
:'''Jacob''': Top of the tower. You can't miss it.
:'''Rex''': Agh! Unh! Why do you have to kill everyone? Can't you just leave us alone?
:'''Zag-RS''': Alone is exactly what I want, Rex.
:'''Rex''': That kind of alone it stinks.
:'''Zag-RS''': N-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o.
:'''Jacob''': It's gone. Must have uploaded to another location. But without anyone to do it's bidding, it's just a program.
:'''Rex''': What will you do now?
:'''Jacob''': We'll rebuild. The Architect may have been a lie, but what we believe in is true. We don't need him to have a community or a better future. You're welcome to stay. We sure could use someone with your abilities.
:'''White Knight''': Well?
:'''Six''': He's not here. Bobo's been worried sick.
:'''Rex''': rex: Oh, really?
:'''Six''': Ratted you out for a pizza.
:'''Rex''': Huh. Figures. What about you? Here to drag me back to Providence?
:'''Six''': Not this time. Seems like a nice place.
:'''Rex''': Yeah. It is. But it's not home. If I'm going back, there are gonna have to be some changes. First, no more curfew.
:'''Six''': No.
:'''Rex''': Second, I want to decide On my missions.
:'''Six''': No.
:'''Rex''': Okay, but there's one change that absolutely has to be made, or I'm through. Meatloaf and mashed potatoes. Mmm! Mmm! Isn't this great?
:'''Bobo''': Mmm.
:'''Six''': It's a little dry.
:'''Rex''': Mmm. Mm the lump mash ratio is a bit off.
:'''Bobo''': You know what? Maybe I'll run away, too... Go somewhere where my cooking is appreciated!
:'''Six''': We have to do this every friday?
:'''Rex''': Mmm.

===Frostbite===
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, I'm picking up a problem. You need to return to base immediately.
:'''Rex''': I miss you, too, doc. But I'm kinda busy dealing with a problem of my own. Whoa! Whoa! Aah! Okay. Ow. Big mistake, tweety. Can that bird brain of yours comprende I'm trying to help you?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, your own nanite count is off the charts. If you take on any more nanites, We're looking at an overload.
:'''Rex''': Come on, doc. It's just a big birdie.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': You're already over capacity. This is critical! Rex!
:'''Six''': Rex, you need to listen to the doctor.
:'''Rex''': Huh?
:'''Six''': This mission is revised. I need you back at headquarters now.
:'''Rex''': Do you really want a supersize pigeon flying loose all over lower Manhattan? You need me, and I can handle it.
:'''Six''': Not your call.
:'''Rex''': Unless I make it my call.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': (as everyone is fighting) Stop! Need I point out that this isn't the best place for a fight. Anything happens to that storage tank and you'll know why providence made this place so remote. Now let's just talk this out calmly, rationally.
:'''Biowulf''': Whatever happens here, Weaver. It's nothing compared to what Van Kleiss would have done to you.
:'''Rex''': What do you say guy? Common enemy? Little help?
:'''Biowulf''': Good luck. (Biowulf and Skalamander run off)
:'''Rex''': Right. What was I thinking?
:'''Agent Six''': Rex. You need to listen to the doctor.
:'''Rex''': Huh?
:'''Agent Six''': This mission is revised. I need you back at Headquarters. Now!
:'''Rex''': Do you really want a super-sized pigeon flying loose over lower Manhattan. You need me and I handle it.
:'''Agent Six''': Not your call.
:'''Rex''': (as he's flying over the Pack in an Arctic storm) Like you're really going to find me when you can't see 2 feet in front of your face... Huh? (Flies into some of Skalamander's shards and crashes) Guess that visibility thing works both ways.
:'''Rex''': (To Weaver) So, thanks to you, all this time I've been supplying nanites to Van Kleiss!
:'''Rex''': Can't you believe you let these scags get the drop on you.
:'''Agent Six''': They tried. It didn't turn out so well. Just haven't found a way to fight xenoflourine gas... yet.
:'''Rex''': What do you say guy? Common enemy? Little help?
:'''Biowulf''': Good luck.(Biowulf and Skalamander run off)
:'''Rex''': Right. What was I thinking?
:'''Agent Six''': You can't possibly absorb all those nanites! You'd overload in an instant.
:'''Rex''': In case you haven't noticed, I have this problem with authority.
:'''Rex''': (as Rex is absorbing nanites) Six wait! I can hear them!
:'''Doctor Holiday''': (Watching from the ship) What are you waiting for, Six? Take the shot!
:'''Rex''': (Speaking mechanically) Build protocol enabled. Command error detected. Abort. Abort. Stand by engaged. (Rex falls. His voice reverts to normal) Take the shot.
:'''Agent Six''': He told me he could hear them.
:'''Doctor Holiday''': I picked this up during the offload... It's Nanite. I'm sure of it.
:'''Agent Six''': Seems there are more secrets inside that kid than we realized.
:'''Skalamander:''' What's the kid doing here?
:'''Biowulf:''' I don't know. This was supposed to be routine. Something's not right.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' What did you do with my friends!?
:'''Salamander:''' He thinks we've done something.
:'''Biowulf:''' Then let him keep thinking.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' You know, the nanites in me can counteract knockout gas! The playing-possum thing's a pretty good trick. Now tell me where my friends are or I start squeezing!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Six:''' He told me he could hear them.
:'''Holiday:''' I pulled this off during the offload. It's nanite. I'm sure of it.
:'''Six:''' Seems like there are more secrets inside that kid than we thought.

===Leader of the Pack===
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Holiday:''' There couldn't possibly be enough E.V.O. activity to account for these nanite readings. They're off the scale. Looking for Van Kleiss?
: '''Rex:''' Circe. I thought I saw her in the blimp.
: '''Holiday:''' That's the girl you met in Cabo Luna.
: '''Rex:''' She may be with the Pack now, but I think I can still get her to talk to me. You know I can be pretty convincing.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' Dr. Holiday, there! Now let's take this outside!
:'''Holiday:''' Rex.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' It's quite all right. The determination of youth. I'm sure Circe will be disappointed she couldn't see you, Rex. She's attending to other duties this evening. Now if you will excuse me. 
: '''Rex:''' Why are you really here!?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' The people of Abysus have a great way to offer the world. I'm just in part to make that known. 
:'''Rex:''' Or maybe 'cause I couldn't come to you, so now you're coming to me!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I admit you are important to me, Rex, but it's not always about you.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' Circe? Interesting look. Want to tell me what's going on?
: '''Circe:''' Not today. 
:(''Knocks him out cold with a metal slate. She later looks outside Rex's prison cell and leaves, with a slightly guilty, dejected expression'')
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' Well, thanks for nearly bashing my brains in back there! And what's with the &quot;knocking me out&quot; thing?
: '''Circe:''' We just needed to keep you out of the way until all of this was over.
: '''Rex:''' ''This!?'' He could destroy the whole city!
: '''Circe:''' He's trying to negotiate peace from a position of strength.
: '''Rex''' (sarcastically)''':''' Oh, yeah! All this nanite power is just screaming peace.
: '''Circe:''' His methods may be aggressive. But he's here to save us...and you. Come on, Rex, jump in with us. The water's fine.
: '''Rex:''' I'll think about it ''after'' I've stopped Van Kleiss.
: '''Circe:''' It's too late for that now, Rex. 
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Van Kleiss:''' We will not be ignored! ''Circe'' understands this. Why don't you respect her judgement?
:'''Rex:''' You think you can lure me in with her.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Like a fish to water.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' I won!
: '''Van Kleiss:''' It seems you have. Your parents would have been so proud. I never had the chance to tell you about them, have I? Perhaps another time.

===Breach===
: '''Rex:''' This is...different.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' What is Van Kliess up to, Breach! Where did he have you send Rex?
: '''Breach:''' Van Kleiss isn't always in charge of me. Sometimes I do what I want; like now.
===Of Love and War===
===No Strings Attached===
===Desperate Measures===
===The E.V.O. Agenda===

===Dark Passage===
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' Rex? Is that you?
:'''Rex:''' You know my name.
:'''Dr. Rylandar:''' Of course I do! I gave it to you!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' I can't believe you're alive. What a stroke of luck.
:'''Rex:''' Dad?
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' You've lost your memory, have you? not surprising, considering what you've been through. Oh. Sorry to disappoint you, Rex. I'm afraid I'm not who you want me to be.
:'''Rex:''' Oh. So if you're not my dad, do you know where he is? Oh, well. Rex Rylander is a goofy name, anyway.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' Dr. Rylander, I've got to know.
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' You must understand. It was never about power or greed. It was able changing the world, saving mankind from disease and starvation. And we would have succeeded until ''they'' got involved.
:'''Rex:''' What are you talking about?
:'''Rylander:''' The nanites were incomplete. The incident spread them across the globe before we could finish their final programming. Except for you. Yours were from a different batch, the very first actually. All those innocent victims.
:'''Rex:''' If you feel so bad about it, why have you been attacking more people?
:'''Rylander:''' Hmm. &quot;The chosen few.&quot; Those men and women, Rex, are far from innocent. While they hide in their office towers and gated estates, I've been here trying to set things right, to find a cure for what we created. I've begged for more funding.
:'''Rex:''' Wait! Everyone you attacked- They all worked on the Nanite Project?
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' They commissioned it. I merely wished to send them a warning to see what would happen if they refused to help finish the good work we started. And it was good, Rex. ''You're'' living proof that we were doing the right thing.
:'''Rex''' (''indignant'')''':''' By turning me into an E.V.O.!?
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' You had an accident. The nanites were your only hope. It was tremendous gamble. The...unexpected side affects name later. It was surprise to all of us. Oh. The look on your brother's face...
:'''Rex:''' Brother?
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' When the Event occurred, it was your powers that saved you both. Most of the others, they weren't so lucky.
:'''Rex''' (''to himself'')''':''' I'm not alone.
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' Oh, here. I have something for you.
:(''Injects the mighty and all-powerful Omega Nanite into his system'')
:'''Rex:''' Ow.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' The force-field must be failing.
:'''Rex:''' Forget the force-field! What did you just inject me with!?
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' ''[[w:Omnipotence |Everything]]''.
:'''Rex:''' ''Enough, okay!? Do you have any idea what's been like!? Not knowing who I am!? If my family's dead or alive!? Quite with the mad scientist act and give me some answers!!''
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' Forgive me, Rex. I been so consumed with my own guilt I didn't consider what you must be going through. The truth is-
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Truth, Doctor? You wouldn't know the first thing about it. Nor loyalty for that matter. How many times must I tell you this, Rex? The answers you so desperately seek lie with me. And as for you, Doctor, consider our past disagreement settled. I look forward to continuing our research...alone. This was unavoidable, Rex. The longer you resist me, the more people get hurt. Rylander has always been on borrowed time. All of this belongs to me now. Destroy me and you lose everything.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Six:''' No. I didn't see what happened, but according to Rex, Van Kleiss has been eliminated. Rylander's experiment is a total loss.
:'''Holiday:''' All of this for nothing. I'm sorry, Rex.
:'''Rex:''' It wasn't for nothing, Doc. I've got a brother. Out there- somewhere. Finally! I started to get some real answers. I feel closer to the truth than ever.

===The Forgotten===
:'''Six:''' Rex!
:'''Rex:''' It's like I'm hearing through my nanites.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''No-Face:''' You are not the Before.
:'''Rex:''' I'm not sure that was a complete sentence back then.
:'''No-Face:''' ''They'' are the Before! The Before forgot us. The Before left us in pain.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;

===Operation: Wingman===
:'''Annie:''' &quot;Do you have a girlfriend?&quot;
:'''Rex:''' &quot;It's complicated. She's in league with an evil dictator who wants me dead.&quot;
:'''Annie:''' &quot;Yeah. My dad's always worried about me dating, too.&quot;
&lt;hr width80%&gt;

===Rabble===
:'''Quarry''': Come on, Rex. (''holds up Rex's journal'') We both know this is what you really want. So go ahead take it. Walk away. Show them who you really are. You were always very good a taking care of yourself. Why should now be any different?
:'''Rex''': (''Cuts his journal in two'') Whoever I was back then, is not who I am now. Not anymore.
:'''Quarry''': Your choice.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex''': It's over, Quarry! You lose!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Sqywwd:''' I hope you don't expect us to thank you.
: '''Rex:''' No. Providence won't bother you unless you do something stupid.
: '''Cricket:''' We'll be fine. Thank you, Rex. 
:(''Kisses him on the check'')
: '''Tuck:''' Don't forget about us, Okay?
: '''Rex:''' That may be a promise I can't keep. (''Flies off on his Boogie Pack'')
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' It's going to happen again, isn't it? I'm going to blank out. How long do I have?
: '''Holiday:''' I don't know, Rex. It's likely triggered by a specific event; something traumatic.

===The Hunter===

===Gravity===

===What Lies Beneath===
: '''Circe:''' Rex, it's me.
: '''Rex:''' Circe? What do ''you'' want!?
: '''Circe:''' Things in Abysus- they're bad, Rex. I need your help.
: '''Rex:''' Oh, well, how do I put this nicely? Not a chance! You made your choice, Circe! I made mine. End of story.
: '''Circe:''' Please, Rex. I know you're mad at me, but this is a matter of life and death.
: '''Rex:''' A lot of things are right now. Nice talking to you.
: '''Circe:''' Rex!?
: (''Looks crestfallen'')
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I didn't know you were still in touch with Circe.
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, me neither. Can we please stop talking about this?
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Holiday:''' She's very pretty.
: '''Rex:''' She works for Van Kleiss. She's the enemy. 
: '''Holiday:''' But you still like her, don't you?
: '''Rex:''' I am ''not'' talking about this!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe:''' Rex, thank you.
: '''Rex:''' I'm not doing this for you. But...your welcome. (''Circe similes hopefully'') So what exactly am I supposed to do?
:'''Holiday:''' When I said you were the key, I meant that literally. According to the plans, the machine needs to be turned on by a molecular level. 
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' You ''lied'' to me!!
: '''Circe:''' You wouldn't have come if I told you the truth.
: '''Rex:''' This wasn't about you needing ''me''!! This is about you needing Van Kleiss!!
: '''Circe:''' I need you both. Please, Rex, you don't understand.
: '''Rex:''' No!! ''You'' don't understand!! Van Kleiss is gone and I intend to keep it that way!!
: '''Biowulf:''' You destroyed us all!!
: '''Six:''' Don't even breathe.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe:''' You don't know what you've done.
: '''Rex:''' Then, I guess we're even.
: '''Circe:''' You've never understood his power. Van Kleiss kept us safe here. His force was the only thing keeping Abysus together, and you destroyed that.
: '''Rex:''' We're done here!!
: '''Holiday:''' Rex, I think she's right. Nanites operate on a molecular level. If they bonded with Van Kleiss, breaking off his connection must have caused a splinter; resulting in a disastrous chain reaction.
: '''Rex:''' I'm ''not'' bringing him back! ''Not now, not ever!!'' Besides, you don't need Van Kleiss! You have me!! Why not go straight to the source?!
:'''Holiday:''' Rex, no!
:'''Six:''' Stand down! It's too dangerous!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' Let go of me!!
: '''Holiday:''' If you keep fighting these unstable nanites, they're going to destroy you!
: '''Rex:''' And if I don't they'll destroy everybody else.
: '''Holiday:''' Not if you listen to me! I have an idea. It's a long shot. Instead of fighting the nanites, ''communicate'' with them.
: '''Six:''' You want to talk to the nanites?
: '''Holiday:''' He's done it before.
: '''Rex:''' Never anything this big.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' I got you! Don't let go!! (''Rex struggles to save Circe from falling as she clings to him; tears fill her eyes''). ''Circe!!'' (''as she falls into the black goop of highly unstable nanites'')
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' ''Circe!'' Six! Dr. Holiday! Okay, you win. (''technopathically starts the machine''). Something's...not right.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' Circe! Come on, breathe!
: '''Circe''' (''coughs weakly'')''':''' Hey.
: '''Rex:''' Hey.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' Stay with us, Circe. Van Kleiss is done.
: '''Circe:''' As much as I care about you, Rex, Van Kleiss and the Pack are my family. They took me in when no one else would. I can't abandon them.
: '''Rex:''' So that's it. We're always going to be on opposite sides.
: '''Circe:''' It does keep it interesting.

===The Swarm===
:'''Rex''' (thinking'')''':''' ''Gotta stay under. Not sure I can...make it.
:(''Has visions of those most dear to him: Noah, his crush Circe, Holiday, Six, Bobo)

===Basic===
===The Plague===
===Promises, Promises===
:''Note:'' This episode depicts how young Rex had joined Providence via Six's [[w:flashback episode|memories]].
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:''[Six narrates over imagery of the Nanite Event.]''
:'''Six:'''	The names and faces may change, but no matter how you slice it, war is war. You pick a side and you don’t look back. I believe that now and I believed it then. What gets you in trouble is when you start second guessing. Forget what you’re fighting for and you’re finished.
:'''Diane Farrah:''' ''[Panicked screaming is heard in the background of an EVO attack]'' There’s another entity has emerged, this time in the heart of Paris. Authorities are vastly unprepared. Unless a decisive response to this pandemic is marshalled, the city will fall just as Kiev— ''[Diane Farrah gets snatched by the EVO’s web]''
:''[A Providence assault vehicle rams through police cars, from which Six appears and deals with the EVO.]''
:'''White Knight:''' Save some for me partner! How else am I gonna earn my paycheck?
:''[Knight fires off a weapon and the scene cuts to present day at Providence Headquarters.]''
:'''Providence Agents:''' Surprise!
:'''Rex:'''	So, the flu shots?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I needed an excuse to get you here. We’ll do them after cake. I’ll get you Van Kleiss! ''[Holiday swings at a pinata blindfolded before Rex crushes it with his smack hands]''
:'''Rex:''' Sorry, Doc, it was taking too long. And it was either that or throw some of your cake at it.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[Holiday walks over to Six at a corner, passing him a drink]'' You’re looking festive.
:'''Six:''' It was an odd choice to pick today to be his birthday.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It is the anniversary of his new life here. He deserves a celebration, he changed everything.
:'''Six:''' Has he?
:'''Rex:''' ''[Rex jumps onto a counter, speaking to the agents surrounding him]'' Ha-hah! How about hitting The Petting Zoo for a little pin-the-tail on the raging “Rhinocesaurus”?
:'''Dr. Holiday and Six:''' No.
:'''Rex:'''	Every party has a pooper. And I got two.
:'''Providence Agents:''' ''[Providence Agents turn off the lights and bring Rex a birthday cake]'' Happy Birthday!
:'''Rex:'''	Dudes!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' You should be celebrating too, Six! After all, you’re the one who started this. In a way, it’s your birthday too.
:''[Flashback to Six and Knight walking through the Petting Zoo during construction of Providence HQ.]''
:'''White Knight:''' Nyquist. Fortier. How’s the monkey business?
:'''Nyquist:''' Ha ha-larious, Knight.
:'''Fortier:''' Hey, for your information we probably saved the world today.
:'''White Knight:''' I, for one, feel safer already. ''[Knight states, looking at Bobo while Six walks towards his cage]''
:'''Bobo:''' So, green man. We meet again!
:'''Calan:''' They found him at the Kremlin this time. He was threatening to push the button unless someone brought him a thousand pounds of caviar.
:'''Bobo:''' Chimp’s gotta eat.
:'''Fortier:''' What about your little bug hunt? Give you much trouble?
:'''White Knight:''' Nothing we couldn’t handle.
:''[The EVO is transported in a cage overhead while Knight and Six walk through a hallway.]''
:'''White Knight:''' What? Not even a smile? Oh by the way, happy birthday. ''[Knight passes Six a gift]''
:'''Six:''' How did you know?
:'''White Knight:''' I’m your partner. Can’t keep much from me.
:'''Six:''' Thanks.
:'''White Knight:''' So what crawled up your coat?
:'''Six:''' I’m getting tired of all this fighting. Did you see how many there are now? Are we gonna cage the whole world?
:'''White Knight:''' ''[Knight turns around, placing a hand on Six's shoulder]'' We’re preserving the human race. ''[The door to the processing facility opens]'' Besides, who says we’re gonna cage them all?
:'''Dr. Fell:''' ''[Looking at the EVO]'' And to think, this was once spinning webs in someone’s garden. Doctor Holiday, prepare for disassembly. ''[Doctor Holiday nods and activates the procedure as per his instructions. Doctor Fell sports a wicked smile during the experiment before it disintegrates the EVO without a trace]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It’s the same exact data as last time, and the time before that; Doctor Fell, why aren’t we studying them in a natural setting?
:'''Dr. Fell:''' Only through molecular dissection will we find a way to expunge this threat. The committee agrees with me on this. If you do not approve, I can always find another assistant.
:'''White Knight:''' ''[Doctor Holiday leaves the facility in frustration with Doctor Fell]'' Bleeding hearts. They’ll get us all killed one day.
:''[Holiday walks down a hallway and drops several notes, one of which Six picks up.]''
:'''Six:''' EVO?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Exponentially Variegated Organism; a little more scientific than spoiled meat. That is what you hired guns call them isn’t it?
:'''Six:''' It's Six, and I don't use guns. You told Fell we could learn more by bringing them in alive. What did you mean?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' The nanites are altering our DNA, but with the right type of research, there's no doubt they could be programmed to stop or reverse the process. Imagine a third option to this, kill-or-Contain protocol.
:'''Six:''' A third option?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' A cure.
:'''White Knight:''' ''[Knight and several other Providence agents run past Holiday after an alarm activates]'' Buckle up partner! Looks like we got ourselves a big one.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Hopeless.
:''[Providence mercenaries arrive at Mexico to confront the giant mechanical EVO.]''
:'''White Knight:''' What are we looking at?
:'''Dr. Fell:''' ''[Speaking through a monitor]'' Fascinating. It appears to be bio-mechanical. I must have a closer look at this one.
:'''White Knight:''' One for the trophy case.
:'''Six:''' Wait. We may get more out of this one if we bring it in alive!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Dr. Fell:''' You're letting your emotions cloud your judgement, Six. With what we gleam from this boy, I could create tools that could inoculate the world.
:'''Six:''' Why risk it? He can already cure them! I've seen it!
:'''White Knight:''' So, what, we train him? Make him one of us?
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Knight:''' We're supposed to be friends! He's a monster! What do you see in him!?
:'''Six:''' Hope.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''White Knight:''' Thanks for talking some sense into him, Doc. ''[Knight picks up Six’s katana and walks toward Rex]''
:'''Rex:''' What...what’s happening to me? ''[Rex pleas to Knight, who simply looks down at him before warning sirens go off and the facility begins to lockdown]''
:'''Dr. Fell:''' We’re all going to burn. ''[Fell escapes while Rex is craned away by Holiday on an upper level]''
:'''White Knight:''' No! ''[Knight looks back at Six who is slowly picking himself up while the remaining exits close off. In a last ditch effort, Knight carries Six and throws him through the final set of doors before they seal shut]''
:'''Six:'''	''[Six picks himself and slams his fist against the glass]'' Why?
:'''White Knight:''' I know what side I’m on. ''[Knight proudly states before getting consumed by a blinding white light and screaming in agony]''
:'''Six:'''	''[Grabbing a hold of Dr. Fell's collar Six shouts]'' Do something!
:'''Dr. Fell:''' Once the cycle starts it's impossible to shut down.
:'''Rex:'''	''[Contrary to Dr. Fell's statement, the light fades away and the electricity is subdued after Rex interfaces with a control panel]'' Impossible? Psh, right.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' How did you—-?
:'''Rex:''' Told it to turn off. And it did! Wait, where...where am I?
:'''Dr. Fell:''' ''[Speaking through a monitor]'' Doctor Holiday. Maybe you were right.
:'''Dr. Holiday:'''	Maybe you should start looking for another job.
:'''Bobo:''' ''[Within the processing chamber, Knight takes a few steps forward before collapsing]'' Hey marshmallow! Nice look! ''[Knight looks back up at Bobo with his signature bleached appearance]''
:''[Some time later, in his office White Knight speaks to Six through a monitor.]''
:'''White Knight:''' How’s the training?
:'''Six:'''	Slow.
:'''White Knight:''' Not all you hoped he’d be? ''[Rex and Bobo topple each other in a play fight while Knight continues to monologue in his office]'' Still, who would’ve thought the kinder, gentler approach would do such wonders for our profile. The notion of a cure has gotten Providence funding, and worldwide prestige. The committee's happy. Your new partner may just be the best thing this operation could have asked for. Funny, isn’t it? Because of you I can never leave this chamber. I’m now the only pure human left in the world. And the perfect poster boy to run this operation. I suppose I should thank you.
:'''Six:''' I promised him that we would help uncover his past; find his family.
:'''White Knight:''' Whatever keeps him on his leash. But if he shows the slightest sign of turning into thing again, it's all on you.
:''[Back at the party in the present, Noah is pinned down by Bobo with a bag on his head to Rex’s amusement.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Hoo-hoo-hoo! Oh my—hold him down, I’ll get the camera! ''[Rex runs to his room, and after a quick search he instead finds a long box on a corner shelf]''
:'''Six:''' Happy birthday. ''[Six walks into his room, officially greeting Rex]''
:'''Rex:'''	From you? For me? You gotta be kidding.
:'''Six:''' You, your work. It has made a real difference. I just—-
:'''Rex:'''	Yeah, I know I’m pretty great! But seriously get off the sap train, Six. It’s creeping me out. ''[Rex opens the gift to reveal the blade inside]'' Wow, Six! Thank you!
:'''Six:'''	It’s called a tanto. It’s the ceremonial blade of a samurai warrior.
:'''Rex:'''	Samurai? Awesome.
:'''Six:'''	''[Six unsheathes his own tanto and holds it against Rex’s]'' This is its twin.
:'''Rex:'''	''[Rex removes the cap from his tanto and squints at the symbol etched into the blade]'' Is that...writing?
:'''Six:'''	Bushido symbol of loyalty. It means whether for good or ill, our fates will follow the same path. This one stays with me.
:'''Rex:'''	Think this thing can cut through Holiday’s chocolate cake?
:'''Six:'''	''[Six raises an eyebrow]'' Anything’s possible.
:''[Rex puts the cap back on to the blade and camera cuts to outside of Providence headquarters, panning outward until screen fades to black.]''

===Badlands===
:'''Gatlocke:''' Do you like rules?
:'''Rex:''' Can't say I do.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Gatlocke:''' Feel that? It's quilted. This is the good kind. But I won't be able to really enjoy in ''until I have those nanites!''
&lt;hr width80%&gt;

===Out of the Dark===
:''Note'': Rex's love interest and sweetheart Circe appears in a vision.

===Payback===
:''[In the realm of Abysus]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Humiliated... De-powered... All but destroyed. Hardly the new world I set out to build, is it?
:'''Biowulf:''' Master, a spy has made contact.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Well?
:'''Providence Spy:''' Everything is in place.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' And the boy?
:'''Providence Spy:''' He's here.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' ''[to his loyal followers]'' Soon our greatest enemy will be buried! Providence itself will be destroyed. And we'll have Rex to thank.
:'''Rex:''' Come on! Who's gonna know?
:'''Noah:''' Yeah. It would only be for a minute or two.
:'''Calan:''' You actually want me to let you fly the keep?
:''[Calan sighs]''
:'''Calan:''' Only until the next course change. And nothing fancy.
:'''Rex:''' All right, let's see what this baby can really do! Why, it wasn't me! Seriously!
:'''Both:''' Whoa!
:'''Providence Spies:''' Aah!
:'''White Knight:''' Calan, what's your status?
:'''Calan:''' Came from out of nowhere. We're being boarded. Scramble all jump jets. Mobilize for a counter-offensive.
:'''White Knight:''' This is a coordinated attack. Every major Providence outpost around the globe has been hit.
:'''Six:''' So far they've steered clear of headquarters. I'm on route to the keep now.
:'''Rex:''' Are they really that stupid? Attacking the keep with me on board? This should only take a minute.
:'''Noah:''' Wait up!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Find Rex. It goes without saying &quot;alive&quot; would be ideal. Take the ship.
:'''Providence Spy:''' Some kind of power surge. We're losing control of the helm!
:'''Calan:''' Find out where it's coming from. Doc, if you'll excuse me--
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Six?
:'''Six:''' Five minutes out. Prepare for an evac. I'm getting you off the ship.
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Noah:''' Again with the Smack Hands? You always open with that move. Change it up a little!
:'''Both:''' Whoa!
:'''Bobo:''' You see what you get? That's what happens when you interrupt my nap-- Bobo gets cranky!
:'''Rex:''' I learned that the hard way, too.
:'''Calan:''' All hands-- We've got intruders on deck four, five, and six. Get'em off our ship!
:'''Rex:''' Go!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Attention, Providence. The ship is ours.
:'''Rex:''' Ugh! Not even close, Van Kleiss!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Lay down your weapons, and your lives will be spared. Continue to resist and nothing survives.
:'''Rex:''' You've made I made some lame-o moves before, Van Kleiss, but this one-- classic.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Seems you may have run out of tricks. Oh, you had to know it would only be a matter of time. I've had a fair amount of time on my hands these days. ''[Restrains Rex with his gauntlet]''
:'''Rex:''' Aaaaah!
:'''Van Kleiss:'''  You took something very precious from me, Rex, and now I'll be returning the favor.
:'''Rex:''' If you want my monkey, you can forget it. 
:''[Van Kleiss starts draining nanites from Rex, causing him to squirm and scream in pain.]''
:''[Rex grunting]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' It might come as a surprise that when you stole the nanites that gave my power, you left some of your behind-- Enough to tell me a few of what makes you tick. :''[Rex tries to summon a build, but nothing happens.]''
:'''Rex:''' Ungh!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:''[Rex gasps]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' You'll find that using your powers will be something of a challenge. The nanites that you so special belong to me now.
:'''Biowulf:''' What shall I do with him, master?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I have everything I need from him. I could care less. Secure the rest of the ship.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Come on! Do you really think throwing me out that hatch is the best way to get rid of me? Wouldn't it be more fun to throw me in a cage, tie me down in front of a laser?
:'''Biowulf:''' No!
:'''Rex:''' Aaaaaaaah! Wh-o-o-o-o-oa!
:'''Noah:''' What is he doing?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' This is no time to fool around, Rex.
:'''Rex:''' Happened to notice that ground coming up on his, doc? If you don't do something fast, I'm about to become part of it! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Ugh!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, are you okay?
:'''Rex:''' I think we may have a problem.
:'''White Knight:''' What do you mean &quot;they have the keep&quot;?! Blow it up!
:'''Six:''' We tried. The remote-destruct sequence has been disabled. Van Kleiss has complete control of it.
:'''White Knight:''' Give me some good news.
:'''Six:''' We know where it's heading. Here.
:'''Biowulf:''' This is the commanding officer. We found him attempting to destroy this ship.
:'''Calan:''' What's your game, Van Kleiss?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Oh, a very good question-- One that depends entirely on what happens next, Captain. It seems my powers have made a slight... change.
:'''Rex:''' Well? They're gone, aren't they? Van Kleiss took all my active nanites.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Not exactly. I found this. Definitely a nanite, but it's unlike anything I've ever seen. Molecular scans seems to indicate it's some kind of control-nanite.
:'''Rex:''' But with nothing to control.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' With a large enough concentration of nanites, we might be able to jump-start it. But even with that, there's no guarantee it would replicate or even give you back the same abilities.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I hate to say it, but this one has me stumped.
:'''Rex:''' Great. Loving this.
:'''White Knight:''' If you're finished with the lost cause, we've got a bigger problem.
:'''Biowulf:''' Master, how is this possible?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' It would seem Rex's nanites have an opposite effect on me. He cured EVOs. Now I create them. Full ahead-- Ramming speed! Once we're through, we'll destroy Providence from the inside out.
:'''White Knight:''' Lock it down! I want hallways cleared and critical sections defended. They will not take this base.
:'''Rex:''' Well? What are we waiting for? Let's go stop them!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, you're in no condition to fight.
:'''Rex:''' Well, what do you expect me to do-- Hide?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Whatever it takes. That nanite inside you might be able to bring you back, but it's going to take me time to figure out how. And that's not something we have a lot of right now.
:'''Rex:''' Wow. Nice outfit.
:'''Noah:''' Got one for you, too. You get to armor up like the rest of us normals.
:'''Rex:''' Come on.
:'''Bobo:''' All right, where to?
:'''Rex:''' South Pacific.
:'''Bobo:''' That's my boy. And here I thought you'd try to pull some hero stunt. Oh, brother.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I want the White Knight. Find where he's hiding and bring him to me.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' That should be everything, as long as the offsite backup holds.
:'''Six:''' Don't let it get to that.
:'''Noah:''' This is a strange place for a base.
:'''Rex:''' When I have too many nanites in me, this is where I go to offload.
:'''Bobo:''' Think of it as a nanite porta-potty.
:'''Noah:''' Thanks... For that image, Bobo. So, we just put some of these nanites in you, and we're good to go?
:'''Rex:''' No. They're inactive. Or at least stripped of their programming. Since I can't control them, I just have to hope that whatever this thing is inside me can't.
:'''Noah:''' So... What happens if it can't?
:'''Bobo:''' Let me put it this way-- The last guy who went swimmin' in that soup ended up a 50-foot freak show.
:'''White Knight:''' Listen to me carrefully, Van Kleiss.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I'd rather not.
:'''White Knight:''' Where are they?
:'''Six:''' The inner perimeter has been compromised. They're coming.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Ugh! Ungh!
:''[Skalamander roars]''
:''[Skalamander roars]''
:'''Biowulf:''' Open it.
:'''Rex:''' Okay. Bobo, set the thing to &quot;vent&quot; and go. If this doesn't work, I don't want you getting caught in the blast.
:'''Bobo:''' No.
:'''Noah:''' Forget it. Rex, at least think about his for a sec. What if it wipes your memory? What it turns you into some evil monster?
:'''Rex:''' My friends need me. There's nothing more to think about. Bobo, do it.
:'''Bobo:''' Long odds, pay big.
:''[Bobo groans]''
:'''Six:''' You've overstayed your welcome.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Now, here's someone who would make a nice addition to our EVO ranks.
:'''Six:''' Go ahead and try. Ugh!
:''[Six groans]''
:'''Rex:''' Trying to do my job for me, Six? Here's a thought-- When your top henchman can't even get rid of someone by throwing him out of a moving plane, time to rethink the help.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' You are determined-- I'll give you that. If it's what you prefer, I'll finish you myself.
:'''Rex:''' Maybe.
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Ugh!
:'''Rex:''' Whoa! Cool!
:'''Bobo:''' See? I told you it would work.
:'''Six:''' This is an unexpected surprise.
:'''Rex:''' Well, by now, you should expect the unexpected from me, Six.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Ungh!
:''[Skalamander roars]''
:''[Dr. Holiday grunts]''
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Noah:''' Is that what I think it is?
:'''Bobo:''' Not anymore.
:'''Noah:''' You think there might be more of them?
:'''Bobo:''' Eh... Probably.
:''[Biowulf grunts]''
:''[Biowulf growls]''
:'''Biowulf:''' Aaaaaaah!
:'''White Knight:''' I use that electromagnet to trap stray nanites. You're lucky it's on the lowest setting. Any higher, and it would rip the nanites right out of your body.
:''[Biowulf grunts]''
:'''Biowulf:''' Then why don't you?
:'''White Knight:''' Because then I wouldn't be able to do this.
:'''Skalamander:''' No one can help you. You're all alone now.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Not exactly. We still have my sister.
:''[Skalamander grunting]''
:''[Rex and Van Kleiss grunts]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Aaaaah!
:'''Rex:''' No way!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Ungh!
:'''Rex:''' Once again, epic fail. I'll take my nanites back now.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Ugh!
:'''Noah:''' Rex, wait!
:'''Bobo:''' Van Kleiss left behind a few presents.
:'''Rex:''' No time to look everywhere. I'm shutting everything down.
:'''Noah:''' You can do that?
:'''Rex:''' Don't know. Never tried. Anything else? No?
:'''Calan:''' Whew! I never want to do that again. No, sir.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Amazing.
:'''Rex:''' Why, thank you.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I was talking about the nanites. That was a risky move, Rex, but it worked. As far as I can tell, you're back to your old self.
:'''Rex:''' I don't know. Something feels different. That new build-- I think I can do even more. It's like I can see the blueprints. I just need to figure out how to put it all together.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' White Knight in person. Never thought I'd see the day.
:'''White Knight:''' Well, don't get used to it. We found all the explosives. The base and the keep will need extensive repairs. This was not our finest hour.
:'''Rex:''' What are you talking about? We kicked butt! So what if Van Kleiss is back and more powerful than ever? So am I! If he wants a nanite war, let him bring it!
:''[White Knight laughs]''
:'''White Knight:''' It's good to have your back, Rex.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' You know, I think he actually means it.
:'''Rex:''' Sure he does. So, tell me something, guys-- What's next?

==Season Two (2011)==
===Rampage===
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' I'll give you the recap. Thanks to these microscopic machines called nanites, I can build cool gear out of my body. I'm what's called an EVO. But most evo's aren't lucky like me. They usually look like this. ''[laughing]'' I know what you're thinking. And they smell bad, too. There's one other thing I can do that makes me even more special. Some EVOs, I can cure. That's why I work for Providence. We're the people you call when an evo is tearing up your lawn or attacking a city. And the worst of them is this guy... Van Kleiss. The last time we fought, things got a little out of hand. I'll admit it... we pretty much got our tails handed to us. He steals the key, wrecks headquarters, hijacks my nanite to get back the powers I took away from him. And now he can actually make people into EVOs. Then, to top it off, he has his dog boy Biowulf throw me, overboard at 6,000 feet. Not that anyone's keeping score. Sure, Van Kleiss may be back, but so am I. So what if he can make EVOs? I can still cure them. He may have new powers, but guess what... I do, too. Ever since my powers came back, I've got the ability to make amazing new machines. Now I just have to figure out how to build more.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' If you're trying to check up on me, Six, the answer's still a big fat... ''[imitates buzzer]'' I can't figure out how to make this new build.
:'''Six:''' It might take some time, but you'll get it.
:'''Rex:''' And meanwhile, Van Kleiss is out there doing who knows what. I wish they'd hurry up and get the H.Q. Rebuilt. You're not still living out of your jump jet like some ninja hobo, are you?
:'''Six:''' My temporary accommodations are perfectly adequate.
:'''Rex:''' Yep. Still living in the jet. ''[Groans]'' I hate being kicked out of our house. Although, as long as they're building stuff, I need a hot tub.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' &quot;I was wondering when you and your hair would show up again, Van Kleiss.&quot;
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Back to your old self again, I see. And how are those new abilities developing?&quot;
:'''Rex:''' Just fine. Thanks for asking.&quot;
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' &quot;Don't you have anything better to do with your life then come after me all the time?&quot;
:'''Van Kleiss:''' &quot;Funny you should ask.&quot;
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' Doc? How are those biometrics looking now?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Give it a try.
:'''Rex:''' Ah, yeah! It's about time! Machines work. I just hope the important part does.
:'''Noah:''' What just happened?
:'''Rex:''' Do you remember anything?
:'''Noah:''' It all kind of hazy. I mostly remember the feeling of... Fun. And I remember you punching me in the face.
:'''Rex:''' Yeah. Sorry about that. I thought you were trying to eat me. Come on. We've got a rat to catch. Why so happy? Is this the part where breach shows up and rescues you?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Actually, no. This is the part where she takes your inadequately guarded fuel core.
:'''Six:''' Six to post, what's your status? Six to post.
:'''Rex:''' Another decoy?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I should share some of the credit with your friend over here. He played the part to perfection.
:'''Noah:''' Gee, thanks.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Now, this would be the part where Breach shows up.
:'''Noah:''' I can't believe I did all this. Sounds like I had the time of my life.
:'''Rex:''' ''[laughing]'' It almost became your life. Sorry about that.
:'''Noah:''' Are you kidding? Just knowing I was a rampaging evo is cool. I wish I could have remembered at least some of it.
:'''Rex:''' It's probably all over the news if you want a replay... At least until you stepped on the news van.
:'''Noah:''' Well... ''[Exhales sharply]'' Guess it's back to quadratic equations.
:'''Rex:''' I have no idea what those are. I've got somewhere I need to be. See you later. I know. I'm not supposed to be here. I don't care if it's a construction zone. I'm moving back.
:'''Six:''' It's all right. Turns out you're not the only one who feels that way. You'll get used to the cold showers. Food, you're on your own. From the top?
:'''Rex:''' From the top.
:'''Six:''' What were you trying to build, anyway?
:'''Rex:''' A water jet. Oh, by the way, I need a new cellphone.
:'''Six:''' Yes?
:'''Determined grandmother:''' ''[through phone]'' It's after my glasses again.
:'''Six:''' Glasses?
:'''Determined grandmother:''' ''[through phone]'' This time I am serious. Now, when are you going to send someone out here?
:'''Six:''' Ma'am, I'm...
:'''Determined grandmother:''' ''[through phone]'' Do you even work for Providence?
:'''Six:''' Yes, I work for Providence.
:'''Determined grandmother:''' ''[through phone]'' What kind of a flimflam outfit is this?
:'''Six:''' How did you get this number?

===Wasteland===
===Tough Love===

===The Lost Weekend===
:'''Kenwyn:''' What did you to Skwydd?
:'''Mouse:''' Just shedding a light light on how dangerous his kind can be.
:'''Rex:''' By juicing his powers? What were you thinking?
:'''Mouse:''' Most inorganic material explodes when given that kind of molecular jolt, but not not nanites. They convert the energy into power that amplifies an E.V.O.'s abilities to tremendously uncontrollable levels.

===Star-Crossed===

===Alliance===
:'''Rex:''' ''[to himself]'' And he brought his Pack flunkies. Biowulf, Skalamander, Breach. Circe? Gotta hurry. Their headed straight for... someplace else. Gonna find out where.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Holiday:''' Rex why aren't you fixing that shield regulator?
:'''Rex:''' Hint. You may remember him from such schemes as destroying Providence headquarters, and trying to take over the entire Earth.
:'''Holiday:''' Van Kliess, in there? You're right. You should investigate after you fix the shield.
:'''Rex:''' Then it might be too late.
:'''Holiday:''' She's there, isn't she?
:'''Rex:''' Who? Breach? Yeah, but...
:'''Holiday:''' A quick recon and that's it.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Intriguing. An entire urban branch of EVO. development.
:'''Biowulf:''' This place is a waste of our time.
:'''Circe:''' Van Kleiss knows what he's doing. It's not your place to question.
:'''Biowulf:''' Question?! You dare accuse me of disloyalty?!
:'''Circe:''' Sorry. Get a grip!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Circe:''' You're right, you know. We should be down there with him. What is he up to anyway?
:'''Biowulf:''' I do not know.
:'''Circe:''' You don't know? I thought he trusted you with everything.
:'''Biowulf:''' Of course he does! He just--
:'''Rex:''' Hey! Easy on the stealth suit, which apparently, isn't so stealthy.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''NoFace:''' Invaders have come before. They brought only pain.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' It is a pain we both share. The same Providence outsides attacked my lands, destroyed my army.
:'''NoFace:''' There was one who tormented us, humiliated us. The grower of machines.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Ah, Rex. Another thorn we share. My proposal is simple: You control a formidable legion. I, in turn, can provide the escape and the vengeance you seek. I can be your liberator. You can be my general. Together we will crush our enemies, starting with the one you hate most. Now are we--
:'''Biowulf:''' Master, I have a report.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' ''[irritated]'' This is a private conversation. Can't you handle the sightest detail without bothering me?
:'''Biowulf:''' Of course, Master. It was nothing.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' Here comes the moment when our brave hero sweeps the girl of her feet! Literally!
:'''Biowulf:''' Don't let him.
:'''Circe:''' Hey! Let--
:'''Rex:''' ''[flies off with Circe in his arms]''' See you around, henchie!
:'''Biowulf:''' ''[to Skalamander]''  Follow them.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Circe:''' Down, now!
:'''Rex:''' Not till we hear each other out!
:'''Circe:''' Sure! I'll go first. 
:''[Breaks the Bogie Pack with a hypersonic burst, causing them to fall]''
:'''Rex:''' Oh, great. Way to go, Circe.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' ''[to himself]'' Our hero pursues the girl of his dreams, heedless of her attempts to break his heart... along with the rest of him. Circe, just one minute, okay? Look-No powers!
:'''Circe:''' One minute! But if this is about leaving the Pack--
:'''Rex:''' Please. I'm way past that. There are bigger things going here than who you hang out with.
:'''Circe:''' Fifty seconds!
:'''Rex:''' I wasn't sent here to spy on you. I'm here to stop these things from ever getting out.
:'''Circe:''' Forty! Why are you telling me this? You know who I am!
:'''Rex:''' You've seen the things that live here. Whatever deal you think Van Kleiss is making, it's going to turn out bad for everyone.
:'''Circe:''' Thirty seconds!
:'''Rex:''' I do know who you are, Circe. Just for once think for yourself. Maybe your perfect leader could actually be wrong, maybe even a bit crazy, nuts, certifiably insane!
: '''Circe:''' Shut up! Twenty! Talk about blinded. Did you ever wonder why Van Kleiss is so interested in you?
:'''Rex:''' Oh, I don't know. Maybe he wants me dead?
:'''Circe:''' Not anymore. Something has changed, Rex. Ever since you got your powers back, I hear him talking. Saying you have something that's the key to everything. For whatever reason, he needs you alive. I know it, Rex. He'd never let you be killed.
:'''Rex:''' Never, huh?
:'''Circe:''' Time's up! 
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' Now this looks like a party.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Rex, you never cease to amaze me.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''No-Face:''' Defiler! Give him to us!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Now do you believe I can deliver what I say? Will yoh agree to my leadership?
:'''No-Face:''' We agree to it! Give him to us! Now! Now! Now!
:'''Circe:''' ''[very shocked]''' Van Kleiss, I didn't bring Rex here so that you could-- He'll kill him!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Never forget how I found you, Circe. What you were... before. He's yours. 
:''[Tears well up in Circe's eyes; thoroughly horrified that her master would calmly allow Rex's life to be put at risk]''
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' ''[weakly]''' Is this what you wanted? 
:''[Collapses from his inquiries, causing Circe to open her eyes]''
:'''Circe''' ''[tearful, pleading]'': Stop this! Please! You need him alive!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Alive, yes. Heart pumping, lungs breathing, but his mind? The less there's left of that, the better. Circe, I warn you: Lift so much as a finger to help him, and you're finished!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Circe:''' You, Biowulf, even me. We're all just means to an end for him. He doesn't really care for any of us.
:'''Rex:''' So you finally figured that out. Better late than never, I guess.
:'''Circe:''' It's not too late! Not if I have anything to say about it!
:''[Extends her fleshly and grotesque EVOs mouth]''
:'''Bobo:''' Whoa! Whoa! There are some of us who might not like the sound of whatever you're about to do!
:'''Circe:''' I'll adjust the frequency to exclude friendly EVOs.
:'''Bobo:''' Does that include me?
:'''Circe:''' For now. 
:''[Uses her melodious, hypnotic singing to call back the EVOs escaping]''
:'''Rex:''' I thought you said you could filter it.
:'''Circe:''' It's not an exact science. 
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Circe:''' Van Kleiss.
:'''Rex:''' Breach'll get him out... eventually. But right now he's in there, you're out here. You don't have a better opportunity to consider your options.
:''[Notice the two of them holding hands and let go, blushing]''
:'''Bobo:''' What is it stealing from our own people that's so dang satisfying?
:'''Circe:''' You forget to remove the tracker. I'm not going to Providence.
:'''Rex:''' Doesn't matter where you go. All that matters is that you want to go there. That said. I hear Hong Kong's nice this time of year.

===Robo Bobo===
===Divide By Six===
:'''One''': ''[Speaking through Rex]'' Six.
:'''Six''': One?
:'''One''': You left this place, quit life as a mercenary and so rarely returned to visit.
:'''Six''': I did what I felt was right, I never meant to dishonor.
:'''One''': So rarely, that I never had time to tell you how proud you've made me.
:'''Six''': ''[Takes off his glasses for the first time in the series]'' We're going to help you. We're going to take you home.
:'''One''': But Six, I  am home. ''[Rex falls unconscious while One's body starts changing. Eventually his body dissolves and fertilizes the entire island to its former splendor]''
: '''Six:''' He's still One. He's just one with everything.
===Mixed Signals===
: '''Rex:''' Whoa, big guy! Someone needs to ease off on the cheeseburgers.
: '''Six:''' Skip the insults. Start the containment.
: '''Rex:''' Like its feelings are going to get hurt. One bad and ugly going down. What?
: '''Six:''' Rex? Rex!
: '''Rex:''' Cool!
: '''Six:''' You want to explain this?
: '''Rex:''' I don't know. It's like some weird vision of this thing filled my head, then built itself out of me. Maybe the vision came from Blobbo. Maybe it's trying to talk to me. Come on, big boy. Send me some more pictures. What's on your mind?
: '''Six:''' Groceries. That's what's on its mind.
: '''Rex:''' I'm skipping. I'm over it. That vision must have been a fluke.
: '''Six:''' All right, then. We're going with a two-prong attack. Use caution. This kind of EVO might be a splitter. Rex! Snap out of it!
: '''Rex:''' Whoa! Whoa! Ha! I wasn't supposed to do that, right?
: '''Six:''' Rex, I want you back at HQ.
: '''Rex:''' But I feel okay now. And we've got, um-- Two blobs to put down.
: '''Six:''' Now!
: '''Holiday:''' No trace of any recent electrochemical or DNA abnormalities. Everything reads normal.
: '''Rex:''' But it's like the visions were being transmitted, and I was seeing it from a nanite point of view.
: '''Holiday:''' I can't track it, Rex. There's no sign of signal displacement or a nano disturbance. Maybe we should consider the possibility that this is psychological.
: '''Rex:''' Huh? Pizza.
: '''Holiday:''' I think he's having another vision.
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Of lunch?
: '''Rex:''' With pineapple and salmon.
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Blech! He is nuts.
: '''Holiday:''' Aside from a strange choice in pizza toppings, all readings are normal. I can't explain it.
: '''Rex:''' Well, if my nanites are trying to get me to build something, maybe we should give them what they want.
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Whatever it is, I'm not eating it. Is that my electric toothbrush?
: '''Rex:''' It better not be the one I've been using.
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Oh.
: '''Rex:''' This is what I'm seeing in my head. As stupid as it looks. It's like someone or something is sending me instructions to build some big device.
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Or build a pizza with pineapple and salmon.
: '''Rex:''' Okay. I'm not sure about that vision.
: '''Holiday:''' Is that my hairdryer?
: '''Rex:''' I just need to figure out what it does. Maybe it's a time machine. Or-- Or alien technology!
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Maybe it's just a big pile of junk. Or a way to order a really awful pizza.
: '''Contraption Voice:''' Target acquired.
: '''Holiday:''' Rex!
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Wake up!
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Provindece Soldier #1:''' Hey, where do you think you're going? We've got a security breach. Front floor.
: '''Providence Soldier #2:''' Lockdown protocols enabled. All hands report to duty station. Security speed, take position.
: '''Rex:''' Sorry, guys. I might be a little... late.
: '''Caesar:''' Case compression. Release.
: '''Rex:''' Figures I'd build a machine with a serious attitude problem.
: '''Caesar:''' ''[taking off his helmet and turns to Rex]'' Rex, is that you?
: '''Rex:''' Who’s asking?
: '''Caesar:''' It’s me, Caesar, your brother! Mijo! ''[Hugs Rex]'' You're alive and... older. ''[Rex is dumbfounded]'' Uh. Atomic clock was right... ''[spanish accent]'' Es una problema grande.
: '''Rex:''' Uh, yeah. ''[Pushes Caesar]'' It is a big problem.
: '''Caesar:''' What is this place? Who are you people? ''[to Rex]'' I'm getting you out of here!
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Sorry, amigo. Put your hands up. Or don't. I got a clear shot either way.
: '''Caesar:''' ''[is looking at Bobo]'' A talking chimp?
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Don't bother. I've heard all the jokes.
: '''Caesar:''' Have they hurt you? Are you okay? Stand aside.
: '''Rex:''' Hello? Do I get a say in this?
: '''Holiday:''' If you're part of some elaborate plan to kidnap Rex, then you failed.
: '''Caesar:''' Listen, bonita, you don't wanna make me use this.
: '''Rex:''' ''[gets in between them]'' Enough! Normally around here when someone barges in talking crazy, they get around into the deck plates by my giant fists. But you seem legit. I'm going with him.
: '''Holiday:''' Rex!
: '''Rex:''' Okay, brother. Lead the way. So if you are my brother, where have you been all this time?
: '''Caesar:''' I'll explain later when we're safe.
: '''Rex:''' Uh, this is Providence. We are safe. Usually.
: '''Caesar:''' Providence? Never heard of it. To be honest, the last five years has been a bit of a blur.
: '''Rex:''' I want to believe you, but I'm gonna need some proof.
: '''Caesar:''' Your name is Rex Salazar. Our parents are Violetta and Raphael. The last time I saw you was at the Applied Nanite Research Lab in Abysus; right before those fools triggered a replication cycle.
: '''Rex:''' And I have total amnesia so, for all I know, that could be completely bogus.
: '''Caesar:''' There's a scar on the back of your left knee you got when you were seven, riding the gantry arm in the reactor annex.
: '''Rex:''' Hmm. I always wondered how I got that.
:''[they go out and Rex notices Caesar Salazar's pod laboratory]''
: '''Rex:''' Whoa. Nice wheels.
: '''Six:''' ''[Comes out and unsheathed his swords]'' Don't even think about it.
: ''[Caesar is about to attack but Rex stops him]''
: '''Rex:''' It's okay. Six isn't going to hurt you. Right, Six? You're comming in a little late on this, but, uh, this is Caesar, my brother, and he wants to get me out of here. So, let's just let my brother have his way and see where this all goes. Wherever you plan on going, they're going to follow us. You know that, right?
: '''Caesar:''' They can try.
: '''Rex:''' I don't know. Providence ship are pretty fast.
: '''Six:''' Track Rex's bio signature and find out who that guy really is.
: '''Rex:''' You ain't kidding. This thing moves fast. A-are we in the arctic?
: '''Caesar:''' How do you think I got to your location so quickly once the locator signaled me?
: '''Rex:''' Locator? You sent me the schematics to build that thing? It tried to crush me like a bug!
: '''Caesar:''' Sorry, mijo. I wasn't really trying to hurt. ''[scans Rex's body]'' I was looking for what's hiding inside of you. ''[showing Rex the result]'' The Omega One Nanite.
: '''Rex:''' That thing? Holiday discovered it before. We had no idea what it was.
: '''Caesar:''' I sent signal instructions for the Omega One to track and contain. But since the nanite has integrated into your DNA, you became the conduit for building the machine. What I don't get is how the Omega One got inside of you. Rylander was supposed to have that under lock and key.
: '''Rex:''' Rylander? He's the one who put it inside me.
: '''Caesar:''' Why would he do a thing like that? I'm really gonna have to let old fool have it when I see him.
: '''Rex:''' Not possible-- Courtesy of Van Kleiss.
: '''Caesar:''' Van Kleiss?! What does that third-rate lab hack have to do with this?
: '''Rex:''' What? I guess I’m not the only one who needs an update. Where have you been?
: '''Caesar:''' It's a long story-- actually, short by my clock. A splinter group had formed at the lab. They had other ideas about how the nanites would be used. We tried to stop them, and you were hurt. The only way to save your life was an infusion of nanites. It was risky, but it worked. We thought that'd be enough to stop the others, make them see the right path. But we were wrong. Mom and Dad were in the reactor. As for me, I managed to escape in my lab. But the shock wave, the same shock wave that probably blanked your memory.... also interfered with engine that powers this pod. I was stuck in sub-light drive.
: '''Rex:''' How long?
: '''Caesar:''' Fifteen minutes. That's how long it took me to reboot the system. But at the speed I was going, it was 5 years of your time. I knew there was an accident, but I had no idea how bad. My nanite sensors were off the charts. My 1st priority was to insure the OM-1 was safe. That was our promise. And here we are. So, what have I missed these past five years?
: '''Rex:''' Providence? We need to talk. They can wait.
: '''Caesar:''' So let me understand, there are EVOs and Van Kleiss claimed as their leader?
: '''Rex:''' Well, not for all of them, yet. I want to know about me, about our parents.
: '''Caesar:''' They were scientists. We lived all over the world. Things settled down when you came along. That was in Geneva.
: '''Rex:''' Wait a second. Are you saying I'm Swiss?
: ''Caesar:'' Not really. Mother was born in Mexico City. Father in Buenos Aires.
: '''Rex:''' And they're really... gone? ''[Caesar slowly nods sadly]''
: '''Rex:''' Um, where exactly did this ship take us?
: '''Caesar:''' What do you know?We're back at the original lab site.
: '''Rex:''' You mean the one in Abysus?
: '''Caesar:''' Is that a problem?
: '''Rex:''' I'd say just a small one. We should go, like now.
: '''Caesar:''' ''[typing]'' Hmm... Must be low on charge.  ''[walks out the door]'' We may be stuck, but on the bright side, I can take a look at some of these variegated organisms. ''[goes out]''
: '''Rex:''' Caesar! Wait!
: ''[outside and observing the EVOs]''
: '''Caesar:''' Fascinating. We theorized mutations might occur but never anything this random.
: ''[Rex hits the EVO before they got near Caesar]''
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Sorry, bro, but these guys--
: ''[Rex hits another EVO]''
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Usually don't sit still for questions.
: '''Caesar:''' ''[seeing Rex's new build]'' Hmm... That's new.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Guess I've learned a--
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' A few tricks. But they still won't be enough if Van Kleiss shows up with all his goons. Six!
: '''Six:'''We're locked onto you. The keep is already on its way.
: '''Rex:''' Your ship may be out of juice, but I'm not. Hop on. I can get us out of here.
: '''Caesar:''' I won't leave my lab, and you definitely don't want Van Kleiss getting his hands on some of the things in here. I'll try to reroute the capacitors to an alternate power source.
: '''Caesar:''' Oh, you wanna see a photo of you, me, and papi? Maybe later.
: '''Rex:''' You're a little off, aren't you, Caesar? 
: '''Biowulf:''' What was that machine it flew off with?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' A laboratory. One I thought I'd never see again. It seems an old friend has returned-Caesar.
: '''Rex:''' Providence isn't so bad now, eh, hermano?
: '''Caesar:''' Is this a Grinnell? They always made good consoles, except for the random power surges.
: '''Six:''' Well?
: '''Rex:''' Everything's cool. He's a little kooky, but I'm pretty sure he's my brother.
: '''Six:''' Glad to hear it. Now I need you back. We still have some unfinished business.
: '''Rex:''' Got to get back to work.
: '''Caesar:''' My little brother, the hero. I remember when you just wanted to be a musician.
: '''Rex:''' Guitar? No, wait drums.
: '''Caesar:''' Accordion.
: '''Rex:''' You got to be kidding me!
: '''Six:''' As I recall, you started it.
: '''Rex:''' Huh?
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Six:''' The EVO is dividing faster than we can contain it. The city is being evacuated.
: '''Caesar:''' Hmm. Excuse me, admiral. I need you to take me down there immediately. Afraid I'll have to insist.
: '''Six:''' Rex!
: '''Rex:''' Are you crazy?!
: '''Caesar:''' Depends on who you ask. I had something in my lab that I thought could help.
: '''Six:''' Help? You're not even supposed to be outside the keep.
: '''Rex:''' WHOO-HOO! Way to go, bro! First day on the job, and you already got a save!
: '''Six:''' Job?
: '''Rex:''' Oh, come on, admit it, Six. He just saved our chicharrones.
: ''[Caesar laughs]''
: '''Rex:''' What? What's so funny?
: '''Caesar:''' You always make me laugh when you try to speak Spanish.
: '''Holiday:''' We've pulled his records, and I've confirmes his DNA. It seems Rex really does have a brother.
: '''White Knight:''' If everything I've read about him is true, he could be an incredible asset to Providence.
: '''Six:''' Or a major liability.
: '''White Knight:''' All the more reason to keep him with us. Give him whatever he needs.
: '''Holiday:''' White's right, Six. He knows more about nanites than anyone on the planet. He helped invent them.
: '''Six:''' My point exactly. He's settling in?
: '''Rex:''' I guess so. Caesar's a little strange. Hard to believe he's actually my brother.
: '''Six:''' I'm happy for you, Rex. You always said you wanted to find your family.
: '''Rex:''' Thanks, but... You know that? I already did. Caesar may be my brother, but you, Holiday, Bobo, you're who I have a connection with.
: '''Bobo:''' Aww, now, see, I'm getting all misty.
: '''Caesar:''' There you are. Hmm. Nice view. Say, mijo, you think your cafeteria could whip up a pizza with pineapple and salmon? I've been craving one for days.
: '''Bobo:''' Connection, huh?

===Outpost===
:'''Valentina:''' Ugh! We were returning them to their natural habitat! What Providence does is wrong and against the natural order of things! You're a traitor to your own kind.
:'''Rex:''' That's creature's job is to ''exterminate'' mankind! It wanted to kill you!

===Haunted===
===Moonlighting===
===Without a Paddle===

===Written in Sand===
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, I need an uptade.
:'''Rex''': I'm right at the edge. Anything still alive in there is trying to get away from the sandstorm.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': It's not the storm they're running from. The nanites inside them are forcing the animals away. It's creating a kind of nanite-free zone.
:'''Rex''': Ha! We should call White Knight. Maybe he'll move here and leave us all alone.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': It's no laughing matter, Rex. It could be the most significant development since the original nanite event.
:'''Rex''': Yeah, yeah. Possible cures save the world-- Got it. I'll check it out.
:'''Bobo''': Hey, doc. You may wanna get a load of this over here.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Negative. The storm is moving in too fast. Just place a sensor and pack it in.
:'''Rex''': Hey. No. It couldn't be. Rex to base. We got trouble of the egomaniacal EVO kind.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Van Kleiss is here? Why am I not surprised?
:'''Rex''': I think the real question is, if everything else is in such a race to get out, why is he going on? 
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, wait.
:'''Rex''': Don't worry, doc. It's me. What could possibly happen?
:'''Skalamander''': RARGH! PTUH! They're nothing but dirt.
:'''Biowulf''': My senses-- Useless in all this sand.
:'''Van Kleiss''': This phenomenon deserves my personal attention. What we seek is nearby. I can feel it pushing against me.
:'''Rex''': ''[Rex emerges from the sand storm]'' Yeah?
:''[Skalamander grunts]''
:'''Rex''': ''[Rex kicks Skalamander]'' How about kicking against you, too?
:'''Van Kleiss''': Rex! You're not welcome here.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex''': Now, that hurt my feelings!
:''[Rex groaning]''
:''[Skalamander pins him to the sand, causing him to groan in pain]''
:''[Skalamander laughs]''
:'''Rex''': Aaah! Whoa!
:'''Van Kleiss''': If I never see your face again, It will be too soon!
:'''Rex''': Yeah? The feeling's-- Whoa! Mutual!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex? Rex, do you read me?
:''[Bobo coughing]''
:'''Bobo''': Okay, we gotta get outta here. I got sand in places I didn't even know I had places.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, if you can hear me, we're retreating to the safe zone. Rendezvous with us there.
:'''Rex''': AAAAH! WHOA-OHHHHHHH!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Rex coughs]''
:'''Rex''': Okay, Kleiss-- Go time! No EVO allies, just you and-- Whoa! Uh, sorry, buddy. Didn't mean to bring you along for the ride.
:'''Van Kleiss''': I don't need my EVO allies, when I can simply make more.
:'''Rex''': Don't get me wrong-- I love punching stuff. But anything you can do, I can undo better! We can do this all day. Or you can just spill it.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex''': Why are you causing this nanite-free zone?
:'''Van Kleiss''': How convenient it must be to make me the root of all evil. I'm not causing it. I've come to discover the source and destroy it.
:'''Rex''': This could be the cure to nanites.
:'''Van Kleiss''': And I live off nanites. What Providence calls a cure, I call death.
:'''Rex''': Really? Haven't we moved past this?
:'''Van Kleiss''': Huh?
:''[Van Kleiss grunts]''
:''[After Van Kleiss creates a scorpion EVO to attack Rex, it attacks him instead.]''
:'''Rex''': That is the funniest thing I have ever seen! Hang on-- I got to get this on video. ''[Takes out cell phone and starts recording Van Kleiss dodging the scorpion EVO.]''
:''[Van Kleiss panting]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': Something's wrong. I should be controlling this creature.
:'''Rex''': Stinks to be you. Huh? You ruined my shot!
:'''Van Kleiss''': I believe we've found something more interesting.
:'''Rex''': You like to point out the obvious, don't you?
:'''Bobo''': Don't get me wrong-- I love the kid, but if we don't pull stakes now, we'll be combing dust outta all sorts of places for years.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Too late. Hold on to everything that's not tied down. This is going to be a bumpy... ride.
:'''Six''': Holiday? I trust you're all right?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': I'm fine, Six. But Rex is still out there-- With Van Kleiss. I can't reach him.
:'''Six''': We'll prep a rescue party. Prepare to come aboard.
:'''Rex''': Hey!
:'''Van Kleiss''': This is not simply a nanite-free zone. Something is stealing the nanites from our bodies. If we linger here too long, we may both find ourselves defenseless against the other.
:'''Rex''': Well, then, we'd better blow this joint. And when I say &quot;we&quot; I mean &quot;me&quot;.
:''[Rex tries to escape and fails]''
:'''Rex''': AAAAAAAAH!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': If either of us is to escape this place, we will have to work together.
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex''': What exactly are you suggesting?
:'''Van Kleiss''': A temporary truce.
:'''Rex''': An extremely temporary truce.
:'''Van Kleiss''': We'll work our way to the center of the nanite storm.
:'''Rex''': No, we work our way out of the nanite storm and get Providence in here to figure out what's happening.
:'''Van Kleiss''': Providence? They can't be trusted.
:'''Rex''': Them? Didn't you try to take over New York? And Europe? And the world?
:'''Van Kleiss''': You need to listen to me, Rex. Without a powers, you're nothing but a child.
:'''Rex''': Oh, yeah? Truce over! Okay. This is awkward. Hey, is it just me, or are you getting really dust?
:'''Van Kleiss''': It's happening faster than I thought.
:'''Rex''': What's happening faster? If you know something, you'd better spit it out, or-- Whoa! It all looks fossilized. Like it's made completely out of... sand.
:'''Van Kleiss''': Not only are there no nanites here, this is pure silicone. There are no other elements-- No carbon, calcium, hydrogen. It appears that this zone not only destroys nanites, but is--
:'''Rex''': Squeezing the life from the Earth. This isn't sand. This is me!
:''[Rex whimpering]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': These glyphs-- There's something familiar about them. Sumatran? Mesopotamian?
:'''Rex''': Less geeking, more escaping!
:'''Van Kleiss''': We need to find the epicenter of this maze. These glyphs may hold the answer.
:'''Rex''': Only if one says &quot;exit sign.&quot;
:'''Van Kleiss''': No need to panic, Rex. We have at least twenty minutes before fossilization-- Give or take.
:'''Rex''': &quot;Don't panic&quot;-- Says the guy who used to be dirt.
:''[Van Kleiss grunts]''
:'''Rex''': We're turning into walking litter boxes, and you're checking out caveman graffiti? No wonder I'm always kicking your butt.
:'''Van Kleiss''': You don't have an investigative bone in your body, do you? So strongheaded-- Just like your mother. ''[Rex is silent]'' No, you don't like that, do you-- That I know more about you than you do?
:'''Rex''': Skip the head games. Isn't exactly a good time.
:'''Van Kleiss''': No, but perhaps it is time for some truth. We may perish down here, Rex. Ask me anything you want about the past, and I'll answer it.
:'''Rex''': ''[looks at his own slowly fossilizing body]'' Sell it somewhere else. I'm not buying.
:''[walks away]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': Oh, so the great and powerful Providence has finally come through on their promise to help you remember your past.
:'''Rex''': Something better-- Someone who was actually there at the Nanite Event.
:'''Van Kleiss''': Aha. Your brother, Caesar.
:''[Van Kleiss chuckles evilly]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': I've been following you both very closely since his... miraculous reappearance. Even if you don't want to hear what I have to say, this one's for free. Do not place your trust in Caesar. He's not the man you believe him to be.
:'''Rex''': ''[creates his BFS and holds it at Van Kleiss' throat]'' What are you getting at?
:'''Van Kleiss''': Oh, no, no. That's not how this works. It isn't my turn. Quid pro quo, Rex. If you want to know more-- Why don't we start with something simple? Rylander's Omega Nanite. I know it's inside you.
:'''White Knight''': Status uptade?
:'''Six''': Still no fix on Rex. Scanners can't cut through the storm, so we're moving in to stage a recon.
:'''White Knight''': I will not risk everyone on board that ship for one agent. Not even that agent.
:''[Holiday subtly ends the call. Then to Six]''
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Whoops. Guess the satellite feed went down. Nasty sand.
:''[Six smirks]''
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Caesar? Wanted you to know we haven’t found him yet.
:'''Caesar''': Found who?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex.
:'''Caesar''': Right. Ah. Sorry. That was, uh, fifteen minutes ago. I've done about five hundred task since then. Try calibrating the keep's sensors to search for traces of Selenium. It's something Rex naturally gives off, like dandruff.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': I-- Really? Hmm. Okay, thanks.
:'''Van Kleiss''': So what you're saying is, the motor runs off of gravity and the only exhausts are atoms of selenium.
:'''Rex''': Now you. Squid Pro... Whatever. The nanites, the Event. What started all this?
:'''Van Kleiss''': He didn't tell you? I'm not surprised. It was Caesar.
:''[Rex pushes Van Kleiss to nearest wall and take out his BFS once again]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': Wasteful, Rex.
:'''Rex''': You're lying!
:'''Van Kleiss''': Hardly. Your brother is responsible for the most significant catastrophe in human history. You have to admit that as brilliant as Caesar is, he's... not quite right. Am I telling you something that you haven't already noticed?
:''[Rex groans]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex''': HAAAH!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Van Kleiss coughing]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': You seem to have awoken some sort of defense mechanism.
:'''Rex''': What are they defending? Rocks?
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': Before we're totally devoid of nanites, we need to end this now-- Together.
:'''Rex''': Back to back!
:'''Van Kleiss''': What?
:'''Rex''': Haven't you ever read a comic book? Back to back! No way. These markings-- They're not hieroglyphics. They're circuit boards. This whole cave, this valley-- It's one giant circuit board. These are data conduits-- Ms. Hubs!
:'''Van Kleiss''': You're right. These spirals are solid-state storage-- The standard design for a firewall in a CPU.
:'''Rex''': Did you just say I'm right? Now that I know what we're dealing with, it's a simple matter of-- Hacking in. This is malo-- Muy malo. Van Kleiss, meet the psycho computer who calls herself--
:'''Van Kleiss''': Zag-RS?
:'''Rex''': How do you know that? ''[Zag-RS notices them and attacks them]'' You know Zag-RS? How?
:'''Van Kleiss''': She was designed as a decontamination program at the original nanite laboratory. Her task was to destroy any rogue nanites that escaped from the holding tanks.
:'''Rex''': She did a great job. Whoever designed her should be taken out and beaten with a tendril.
:'''Van Kleiss''': Caesar designed her.
:'''Rex''': I'm gonna have to have a chat with my brother when this is over.
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': Focus, you fool. If we're to survive this, we have to use whatever nanites we have left to shut her down.
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex''': No problemo! Ah, come on! Stay up! Show off!
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex''': Well, this bites.
:''[Rex straining]''
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex''': Didn't I leave you in orbit? Shouldn't you have burned up in re-entry or something?
:'''Zag-RS''': Re-entry resulted in a hard desert landing. This unit faced complete system failure. Salvation came from integration with the host space station power cell, where new initiatives were established.
:'''Rex''': Turning the world into a sandbox?
:'''Zag-RS''': Correct. The prevention of organic infection by elimination of organic matter and securing the Earth core system. Soon, this world will function without flaw.
:'''Rex''': Van Kleiss! Change of plan! While, I've got Zaggy occupied, you go and warn Providence before it's too late!
:'''Van Kleiss''': There's no time. Her strength is growing exponentially. To achieve victory, you must trust me.
:'''Rex''': Trust you?! That's comedy gold! Even if I was that big of a doof, neither one of us had enough power to fight back!
:'''Van Kleiss''': That's not entirely true.
:'''Rex''': Huh?
:'''Van Kleiss''': I've not been completely honest with you.
:'''Rex''': Stunned-- Really.
:'''Van Kleiss''': The Omega Nanite within you has a self-replicating program. You can create your own nanites.
:'''Rex''': What?! Why didn't you tell me!
:'''Van Kleiss''': A calculated emission.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex''': No way.
:'''Van Kleiss''': There-- That is the heart of Zag-RS. Strike while you can!
:'''Rex''': Oh, yeah! Now we're talking! Normally, I don't fight girls, but this time I'll make... A big... giant... robot exception!
:'''Dr. Holiday''': I found him, Six-- twenty kilometers northeast. There's a huge spike in trace selenium.
:'''Six''': Charge all weapons.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': The storm's starting to break. But please don't crash.
:'''Rex''': YAAAH!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex''': That's not fair! It worked in the movie!
:''[Rex whimpers]''
:''[Rex groaning]''
:'''Rex''': AAAH!
:'''Zag-RS''': You have miscalculated, human. The more nanites you replicate, the more energy you supply me. 7.5 seconds until I overtake your production.
:''[Van Kleiss grunts]''
:'''Zag-RS''': 4.3 seconds.
:'''Van Kleiss''': AAAAAAAAAH!
:'''Rex''': YAAAAAAH! One psycho robot down, one supervillain to chicken! Finally!
:'''Bobo''': What, you never heard the term &quot;fashionably late&quot;?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Your nanite-replicating function seems to be working well. Most of Zag-RS' alterations have been expunged.
:'''Rex''': Meaning... What?
:'''Bobo''': You ain't gonna wash away at high tide.
:'''Caesar''': This is my design.
:'''Rex''': Great-- My brother created Zag-RS.
:'''Caesar''': Evidently. Though her evolution into some sort of sentient nanite-slayer is most curious.
:'''Six''': Curious?
:'''Rex''': What about what Van Kleiss said?
:'''Caesar''': You mean I'm to blame for the original nanite event? Why don't we ask her? Wait! Interface protocols. Code designate Zag-RS. Respond.
:'''Zag-RS''': Dr. Salazar. Good morning. How may I assist you?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Stand down, gentlemen. Zag-RS has been successfully rebooted. But her memory has been wiped clean.
:'''Rex''': What? You got to be kidding me!
:'''Caesar''': That's interesting. Hmm. Van Kleiss must have implemented a program dump before he left you. It's the only logical conclusion.
:'''Rex''': Program dump?
:'''Van Kleiss''': Do not place your trust in Caesar. He's not the man you believe him to be.
:'''Rex''': Great. So now all we've got is a lame decontamination program with a GPS lady's voice?
:'''Caesar''': GPS lady? Hardly.
:'''Rex:''' I was making a joke.
:'''Caesar''': Don't you recognize it? When I programmed her, I wanted a voice that meant safety, protection, caring. Rex, this is our mother's voice.
:'''Rex''': ''[shocked]'' Mama?

===Night Falls===
: '''Rex:''' If she's not really our grandmother, why are you calling her ''aubuela''?
: '''Caesar:''' There may not be a biological connection but she practically ran the entire town. When you were a boy, you spent every summer here.
: '''Rex:''' I wish I could remember...or any of this.
===Hard Target===
: '''Rex:''' &quot;It's Breach! She's-&quot;
: '''Circe:''' &quot;Messing with you, Rex. Did you actually see on her the other side?&quot;
: '''Rex:''' &quot;Well, no but...OK, why Hong Kong?&quot;
: '''Circe:''' &quot;Because it's on the other side of the world, because she's seriously messed up.&quot;
: '''Cricket:'''&quot; Kind of like our place.&quot; 
: '''Circe:''' &quot;Trust me. She's back in Abysus laughing it off with the rest of the Pack. Besides, I'm not that easy to find.&quot;
: (''Removes the white towel to reveal her shoulder-length black hair partly dyed a deep plum and having donned a dark gray overall dress'')
: '''Rex:''' &quot;OK, Rex. Bad intro. Take a do-over. Like the new look.&quot;
: '''Circe:''' &quot;Wow. A compliment.&quot;
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Skywdd:''' &quot;And that's when Circe goes all [[w:Siren (mythology)|siren]] and blasts the bus driver's pants clean off.&quot;
:'''Circe:''' &quot;Lucky shot. Hit the exact frequency of polyester.&quot;
:'''Tuck:''' &quot;Good thing his boxers were cotton.&quot;
:'''Rex''' (''uncomfortable'')''':''' &quot;Good one. Uh, Circe, remember when you took down that sea monster in Cabo Luna?&quot;
:'''Circe:''' &quot;Please, Rex, I'd rather not remember that right now.&quot;
:'''Skywdd:''' Geez, Rex. Buzzkill.&quot;
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' &quot;Stop it.&quot;
:'''Skywdd:''' &quot;What's with him?&quot;
:'''Circe:''' &quot;Breach lag. Let clean over his bedtime.&quot;
:'''Rex:''' &quot;That and my early morning snooze. By the way, you were right. Breach wasn't after you. She freed Quarry. Got this from the Providence security feed.&quot;
:'''Skywdd:''' &quot;Quarry?&quot;
:'''Tuck:''' &quot;He's lose?&quot;
:'''Cricket:''' &quot;Oh no.&quot;
:'''Circe:''' &quot;You saw Breach and came back ''here!'' What if she followed you!?&quot;
:'''Rex:''' &quot;Don't worry. If Breach were here, I'd feel it. She's here.&quot;
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Breach:''' &quot;Hey, girlfriend.&quot;
: '''Circe:''' &quot;Get out of here, Breach!&quot;
: '''Breach:''' &quot;But Van Kleiss has so been wanting to chat.&quot;
: '''Circe:''' &quot;Then deliver a message for him! &quot;
: (''Uses her ultrasonic bursts on Breach, who creates a portal behind her, knocking her out with her own sonic abilities)''
: '''Rex:''' &quot;Let her go, Breach!!&quot;
: '''Breach:''' &quot;Oh, sorry, Rex. She's gonna save my skin. V.K.'s tough on failure, remember?&quot;
: (''Teleports away with an unconscious Circe on her shoulder'')
: '''Rex:''' &quot;NO!!&quot;
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' &quot;Hold that thought. You can come out now. I got that creeped out feeling.&quot;
:'''Breach:''' &quot;Peek a boo.&quot;
: '''Skwydd:''' &quot;It's her!'' She took Circe.&quot;
: '''Rex:''' But not to Van Kleiss. You never went to Abysus, did you? You slipped her into your little pocket dimension. Let her go, Breach!
: '''Breach:''' And I agree to that...why?
: '''Rex:''' &quot;Because you wouldn't want Van Kleiss to see this. I'm thinking a trade is in order.&quot;
: (''Breach releases Circe, who is caught by Skwydd'')
: '''Circe:''' &quot;I hate you, Breach.&quot;

===A Family Holiday===
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' The pace of study has been staggeringly slow. There have been no significant advancements in nanite research since the original event. Simply put, Providence is not doing enough. What is required is not a military response, but a serious, thoughtful reaction, a scientific answer. The poor and afflicted deserve more. The world, deserves more. Let me introduce Diane. Mother of three. Diane has been diagnosed as incurable, a lost cause. Since then, she's been treated like an animal, locked away from her family... No hope on the horizon. Until now. At Moses Labs, we don't rely on tanks, guns, or secret weapons-- Only an unwavering belief that whatever science breaks, science can fix. Welcome back, Diane.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Happy birthday, little sister.
:'''Rex:''' Hope that I paid the bills. This is going to be expensive.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Caesar:''' Release the hounds.
:''[a door opens revealing some Evo hounds]''
:'''Rex:''' Huh? Whoa!
:'''Bobo Haha:''' Heh! I thought that was just a figure of speech. You're a sick puppy.
:'''Rex:''' Aah! Not cool, bro!
:''[Rex panting]''
:'''Rex:''' ''[Spanish accent]'' Agua, por favor.
:'''Caesar:''' Water second, probes first.
:'''Rex:''' No offense, but being a guinea pig is a lot less fun when it's you instead of Holiday.
:'''Caesar:''' Don't I run the biometric tests with the same efficiency?
:'''Rex:''' How are we related? Have you looked at Holiday?
:'''Bobo Haha:''' She ain't my species and even I know she's a hottie.
:'''Caesar:''' She is... very smart.
:'''Rex:''' Where is the Doc anyway? She usually can't wait to get her hands on me.
:'''Bobo Haha:''' Saw her this morning, looking pretty grim.
:'''Agent Six:''' It's her sister. Her sister's birthday to be precise. Holiday gets introspective this time of year.
:'''Caesar:''' Her sister? Oh, is she smart too?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Hey guys. Can't talk. Hangar!
:'''Bobo Haha:''' Ah, human dames. I don't know how you guys keep up.
:''[Dr. Holiday pants]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Thank you for coming, Dr. Moses. It's a genuine honor.
:'''Rex:''' Who the heck is that guy? Why is Holiday acting all fangirl around him?
:'''Caesar:''' It's Dr. Brandon Moses, the leading researcher in technogenic transmorphing! If anyone's going to develop a kill  for EVOs, it's going to be him!
:'''Bobo Haha:''' Now, that's actin' fan-girl.
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Not the worst I've seen.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Can you help her?
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Beverly would be an excellent candidate for my treatments. Have her transported to my facility.
:'''Rex:''' Hold up! I know you have a bunch of letters after your name, but curing EVOs is what I do. Some of them--
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Some you just can't handle, Rex. Dr. Moses' research goes to places you don't, so if you don't mind-- 10 minutes, then we'll be in the air. Thank you, doctor. I've earned 5 years' worth of personal time, Knight. I plan to use it all. 
:'''White Knight:''' I don't like it, but I like your sister even less. Go for your &quot;cure&quot;, Holiday. But if it doesn't work, don't bring her back.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Agent Six:''' What do you really know about Dr. Moses?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I know what I saw.
:'''Agent Six:''' You're not taking her to the doctor for a checkup. Has he handed you supporting data?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Why won't you let me have this? It's the first glimmer of hope I've had since Rex got here.
:'''Agent Six''': I think you've lost your objectivity. If you can't help her--
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' That's the point! I can't! I need this cure. If you won't help me, stay out of my way!
:'''Rex:''' Any chance she's right?
:'''Agent Six:''' Hope she is.
:'''Rex:''' But we're not going to sit around and do nothing in case she's wrong, right? Today you're my sidekick-- Not a fashion-challenged soccer mom blocking my mojo. If there's any chance of playing hero for Holiday, I call dibs.
:'''Security guard:''' Dr. Moses' inventions are not for public viewing-- Especially not by Providence.
:''[Security guard grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' That &quot;soccer mom&quot; comment really got to you, huh? When did science geeks start packing heat? Huh?
:'''Agent Six:''' Check the machine.
:'''Rex:''' I'm no engineer, but as far as I can tell, all this thing does is light up and go &quot;ping&quot;. They never cured it! This was a scam!
:'''Agent Six:''' Holiday's in trouble. Holiday, Moses is a fraud. There is no cure!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' What's going on here? Moses, what is this?
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Business, Dr. Holiday-- Big business. Now, if you wouldn't mind stepping aside so I can collect your sister--
:'''Agent Six:''' Holiday?! What's happening?!
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Or don't step aside. I'm good either way.
:'''Agent Six:''' Holiday! We've got our coordinates. Go!
:'''Rex:''' It's a hundred miles away!
:'''Agent Six:''' Correct.
:'''Rex:''' Hold on to your swords, old man!
:''[Dr. Holiday grunts]:''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I trusted you!
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' A bad trait, a scientist. But look on the bright side-- You won't be locked in a cell anymore. That was just... Shameful.
:'''Rex:''' Be the hero. Be the hero. Be the--
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' ...Zero. You'll be a lot less grouchy in a few seconds, pal. Half cured? That's new.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' They've got Beverly.
:'''Rex:''' You wanna talk to her?
:'''Agent Six:''' Now's not the time.
:'''Rex:''' And when exactly is. She needs a friend, Six.
:'''Agent Six:''' I... prefer to keep it professional. Keeps people from getting hurt.
:'''Rex:''' Dude. Take off the sunglasses. She's already hurting. If I were you--
:''[Six gets a radio signal]''
:'''Agent Six:''' If you were me, you'd have a lead. Get Holiday. Dust off in 3.
:'''Rex:''' Where are we going?
:'''Agent Six:''' Moses may be a genius but not because he can cure EVOs. He overpowers them-- Hypercharges the nanites with excess energy to push their transformations.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' That's why Rex only partially cured that EVO he stripped the EVO of its extra power. But at its core, it was still incurable.
:'''Rex:''' We learned something new today. Great.
:'''Agent Six:''' Gets worse. Moses has turned his tech into a cottage industry. He takes incurables and weaponizes them to sell to the highest bidder.
:'''Rex:''' Don't sugarcoat it, Six.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' How did you find this out?
:'''Agent Six:''' I called some former associates-- People who know things, things that good people shouldn't know about.
:'''White Knight:''' Question-- Why is my keep on an unapproved mission?
:'''Rex:''' It's cool, Knight. We're helping Holiday.
:'''White Knight:''' No! We had a deal! Return to base immediately!
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It's over guys. I can't drag you down because of my mistake. I won't.
:'''Agent Six:''' Keep returning to base.
:''[Knight ends the transmission]''
:'''Agent Six:''' I said the keep is returning to base. I didn't say we'd be on the keep.
:'''Rex:''' You okay?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Hanging in there.
:'''Rex:''' Hanging in there is good. I don't like to see you unhappy, you know. I-I mean--
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I know what you mean. Thanks.
:'''Agent Six:''' Better luck next time.
:''[Rex gasps]''
:'''Rex:''' Jealous much, sidekick?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Who is that?
:'''Rex:''' Someone who knows things good people shouldn't.
:'''Five:''' Machine boy! Like the new ax? You owe me for the last one.
:'''Agent Six:''' We'll talk music later, Five. You have word on Moses?
:'''Five:''' Five don't lie. Your guy is running an auction-- Tonight.
:'''Agent Six:''' I owe you.
:'''Five:''' She's a lot more beautiful than you let on, Six. Try not to screw it up this time.
:'''Agent Six:''' You coming?
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' The EVO is the military ordinance of the future. We all know it. You drop one of these babies into your neighbor's backyard, and it's game over. But to get the most annihilation out of your nanites... you need me.
:'''Human EVO:''' You promised to cure!
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' My technology not only amps up their abilities, but, for an extra charge, will modify their behavior to suit your needs. What am I bid for this army of one?
:'''Agent Six:''' ''[Bursting in]'' I'll open with extradition for crimes against humanity!
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' ''[to his bidders]'' Wait! This is just a minor disturbance.
:''[Moses groans]''
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' ''[to Holiday]'' Do you know what you just cost me, all for one hopless wreck?!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[Holiday hits Moses]'' Her name is Beverly.
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Then give sissy a hug.
:'''Dr Holiday:''' No! Don't hurt her, Rex!
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, sure. Handle with care. Whoa! Can you tell her that, too?
:'''Agent Six:''' Going nowhere?
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Uh, let's not be ''[chuckling]'' rash.
:''[Holiday slaps Moses]''
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' I'm gonna have to get you a dictionary. Rash will not help anyone, especially not Beverly.
:''[Holiday grabs Moses]''
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Who can still be cured.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[Holiday drops Moses]'' What?
:'''Agent Six:''' ''[Brandishing his swords]'' No games. Truth or dead.
:'''Rex:''' Fight still going! Need assistance! Big time! Whoa!
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' I did invent a machine that de-powered nanites, almost. But the bonds and nanite particles were too strong to break. Instead, I discovered that I could reverse the polarity to its maximum, overpowering the nanites. It's easier and-- Profitable.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' But you did isolate the bonds? So, you can break them!
:'''Agent Six:''' Holiday!
:'''Rex:''' Whoa! Ugh! Unh! Okay, I called hero, but I need some extra kick for my sidekick! Unh! Seriously!
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Time to earn a return on my investments! Kill them all!
:'''Rex:''' Whoa! Whoa! 
:'''White Knight:''' I won't even bother telling you the trouble you're in. Catch those other EVOs and report to my office the moment you're back.
:'''Rex:''' What other EVO-O-O-O-Os?
:''[Rex turns around and notices the EVOs behind him]''
:'''Rex:''' Ooos?
:'''Rex:''' Think they got it?
:'''Agent Six:''' They'd better. We're busy.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Unh! Okay. That's the flux transponder. That's the nanite energizer. Don't you explode on me-- Not now. Aah!
:'''Rex:''' I'll hand the one crazed sister. You take the other. It'll be like a double date. Don't bother... your sister... while she's working!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I can see what he did, but... uh... there's no time! I can't-- I can't help her! It's over.
:'''Agent Six:''' Holiday-- Rebecca-- You are the strongest, smartest woman I have ever met, and the most stubborn.
:''[Six removes his glasses and looks her in the eyes]''
:'''Agent Six:''' You never give up. If there's a way to help your sister, find it-- now!
:''[Slight pause. Holiday smiles and puts Six's glasses back on his face then leaves]''
:'''Agent Six:''' That's my girl. New plan. Corral her to the machine.
:'''Rex:''' Plans are good! Yah! What you got, Doc?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Moses was right. The polarity of the nanite energizer is wrong! I have to amplify and reverse it. But I don't have-- Six... Your magna blades-- But it would be too dangerous. Six!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Six!
:'''Agent Six:''' Is it working?
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It's working.
:'''Rex:''' Six, get out of there!
:'''Agent Six:''' You called hero on this one, Rex! Finish it-- For her! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Unh! Get them out, Rex-- Both of them-- Now!
:''[Dr. Holiday gasps]''
:'''Rex:''' Doc! You gotta see this!
:''[Dr. Holiday panting]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[as she's trying to revive Six]'' Don't you do this to me! I will hate you forever if you--
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:''[Six coughs]''
:'''Beverly:''' Rebecca?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Beverly!
:'''Rex:''' That was... I'm... Wow! Six, I've never said it before and I'll probably never say it again, but... I'm honored to be your partner.
:'''Bobo Haha:''' Mushy stuff? Oh! Glad I missed it.
:'''Rex:''' But don't ever do anything like that again.
:'''Agent Six:''' Agreed. But you have to admit though... It was worth it.
:''[Dr. Holiday and Beverly laughs]''
:'''White Knight:''' We're not running a boarding house here. No more relatives.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I just need her for a few more tests, sir. She was only 13 when she went Evo, and she's in a fragile state.
:'''Beverly:''' Woo Hoo!
:''[Beverly laughing]''
:'''Beverly:''' Rex just took me on a ride through the Zoo on his cycle.
:'''White Knight:''' &quot;Fragile.&quot; Right.
:'''Rex:''' We're going to the mall.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Are you asking permission?
:'''Rex:''' No. I'm asking if we can have some money. Providence pays me nada.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Can I have a word with you?
:'''Agent Six:''' Sure this is a good idea? Could ruin your hero status with Holiday.
:'''Rex:''' It's funny. After meeting Bev, out of nowhere, it hit me that Doc Holiday is just a little too old for me. So, since I'm out of the way, I guess there's nothing stopping you anymore, huh, &quot;hero&quot;?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Well... right. I guess... I'll set up those tests.
:''[Holiday starts to walk past Six. Six takes a hold of her hand]''
:'''Agent Six:''' Or... we could get some dinner.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Outside? In the real world? Like real people? Like a--
:'''Agent Six:''' Yes. Like a date.
:''[Dr. Holiday gasps]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It's about time.

===Hong Kong Nights===

===Whispers in the Dark===
===Cutting It Close===

===Exposed===
:'''White Knight''': All Providence personnel, this is a priority-one alert.
:'''Agent Six''': Do not panic. Remember your training.
:'''White Knight''': In all my years of working at Providence, never have I been put in such a situation. These interlopes could be anywhere at any given moment.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Hey, what's all the-- Whoa! Sorry. We're late.
:'''Bobo Haha''': You can't prove a thing!
:'''White Knight''': Watch what you say. Watch what you do. The very future of Providence may depend upon it.
:'''Rex Salazar''': So, what's going on? Van Kleiss attack in the HQ again?
:'''Agent Six''': Worse.
:'''Diane Farrah:''' I'm Diane Farrah, and for the first time ever, we've got an exclusive all-access pass inside the top-secret organization known as Providence. To uncover for our viewers, all the juiciest behind-the-scenes details of this most secret of institutions. And to find out the real story behind that man of mystery you've all wondered about for so long.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Aah.
:'''Diane Farrah''': All your questions are about to be answered. Welcome to Providence Exposed! ''[Camera closes-up on her face]'' On Ultimate Exposure! And cut. Great into, guys. Okay, moving on.
:'''Rex Salazar''': This is cool.
:'''Agent Six''': This is wrong.
:'''Rex Salazar''': How's my hair?
:'''Bobo Haha''': Delicious.
:'''White Knight''': Ladies and gentlemen, the delightful Miss Farrah and her crew have used the Freedom of Information Act to force.
:''[White Knight clears his throat]''
:'''White Knight''': To allow them access to a day in the life of Providence. And to ensure you are afforded the very best Providence has to offer, I'm assigning our top man as your personal guide.
:''[Rex moves towards the news team]''
:'''White Knight''': Six, please show Miss Farrah whatever she wants to see.
:'''Agent Six''': Agent Six is the name. On behalf of Providence, I'd like to welcome you to our facility.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Spare me the small talk. I'm here to ask the tough questions, and I expect truthful answers.
:'''Agent Six''': Shoot.
:'''Diane Farrah''': So.. is there a Mrs. Six?
:''[Combs her hair]''
:'''Bobo Haha''': Smooth.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Like you'd have done better.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Are you kidding? They want exposed. I'm going to give that reporter a piece of my mind and a few other pieces while I'm at it. I got stories that'll make them run screaming for the hills.
:''[Bobo Haha laughs]''
:'''Agent Six''': If you'll follow me, I'll be happy to show you one of our nanite research labs up close and personal. EVO control is our primary area of concentration, but Providence is focused on a great many studies. Each employing the best and the brightest our planet has to offer.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Thanks, Six. You know, this is my brother's lab. He's only like the smartest guy in the entire world. Yeah, being the best at what we do totally runs in our family.
:'''Caesar Salazar''': Not a good time.
:'''Agent Six''': That experiment is highly sensitive.
:'''Diane Farrah''': So, Agent Six, how did you become a Providence agent?
:'''Agent Six''': That's also highly sensitive.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Amazing story though about how I became a Providence agent. See, there was this big accident.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Good morning. My name is Dr. Rebecca Holiday, And I'm the chief research officer for the Providence Laboratory Facilities - specializing in the study of evology. Providence's number one priority is the security of our planet. And through the studying and understanding the forces that threaten us--
:'''Diane Farrah''': Let's cut to the chase, shall we, doctor?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Oh, um, okay.
:'''Diane Farrah''': How do you balance the threat of EVOs, the constant danger... with being a woman?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Uh.
:''[Dr. Holiday laughs nervously]''
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Oh, excuse me.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Speaking of studying, check this out. You can edit that, right?
:'''Diane Farrah''': We're all about the editing.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, maybe you could show these journalists some of your other duties, like what you're supposed to be doing right now, for instance.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Oh, man. That's right. Come on. You're going to love this.
:'''Diane Farrah''': EVOs come from far and wide for a chance to be cured by this young man. How often do you do this?
:'''Rex Salazar''': At least once a week here at HQ. When I'm in other parts of the county or the world, Providence sets up a mobile cure station. There are a lot of people out there who need my help. I only wish I could get to them all. Wait. Um, let my try again. ''[after Rex can't cure an EVO]'' Shut it off.
:'''Diane Farrah''': But this is really good drama, Rex.
:'''Rex Salazar''': I asked to be on TV. They didn't. Please give these people their privacy.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Come on, buddy. Everybody has an off day.
:'''Rex Salazar''': In front of millions of viewers? So much for everyone's favorite Providence man of mystery.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Well, they're just lucky they haven't had the camera on me yet. Oh man, talk about Ultimate Exposure. When I get through with them--
:'''Rex Salazar''': I just wish I could look cool on camera somehow.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Phbt! Good luck. The only way that's going to happen now is if some experimental EVOs busted out of their cages and went on a rampage so you could round them up and look like a hero.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Providence isn't known for being forthcoming with information. I hope this interview will change that. The people want answers and I fully expect them from you.
:'''White Knight''': Very well. What do you want to know?
:'''Diane Farrah''': For starters, how do you get fresh milk without any nanites in it?
:'''White Knight''': If you must know, it's passed through a powerful magnet that removes and neutralizes any nanite activity.
:'''Agent Six''': Observe.
:''[White Knight smacks lips]''
:'''White Knight''': Anything else?
:'''Diane Farrah''': Not at the moment, but I'll be back.
:'''White Knight''': I look forward to it.
:''[White Knight sips]''
:'''Diane Farrah''': So, Agent Six, what do you think about White Knight's obsession with staying nanite-free at the expense of human contact?
:'''Agent Six''': He's a man of many mysteries.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Look out! Coming through! Dangerous escaped EVOs on the loose! Stand back! Let a professional handle this!
:'''Diane Farrah''': Follow him.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Yeah, I'm kind of awesome.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Did you get them all?
:'''Rex Salazar''': How many did you release?
:'''Bobo Haha''': I don't know, three or four.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Well, which was it? Three or four?
:''[Rex Salazar gasps]''
:'''Agent Six''': Well then. Now that Rex's little demonstration is over, how about a visit to the Providence gift shop? On me.
:'''Diane Farrah''': How long has Providence had a gift shop?
:'''Agent Six''': Since 8:00 A.M. You want to tell me how a class by EVO got out of its electromagnetically-sealed container and just happened to cross paths with our tour?
:'''Rex Salazar''': It's not like this kind of thing doesn't happen here all the time. I just wanted it to happen this time, in front of the camera, all right?
:'''Agent Six''': Not all right. That last EVO-- You just helped it molt so it could grow. Its body is still out there somewhere, getting bigger.
:'''White Knight''': Providence is run like a finely tuned machine. Until you decide to throw a monkey wrench into the works.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Hey, pal, let's leave the comedy to me.
:'''White Knight''': And how is it exactly that these EVOs got out?
:'''Bobo Haha''': Okay, Mea Culpa. I may have accidentally knocked open a cage or two-- Or four.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': That fourth cage was electromagnetically sealed.
:'''Bobo Haha''': I didn't say it was easy.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': The EVO we had contained in there feeds on electricity. It must be kept away from any electrical current.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Then it sure is a good thing this whole place isn't full of electricity. Oh, wait.
:'''White Knight''': Find it. Subdue it. And most importantly, don't let that camera crew see it.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Eh, were wastin' time hunting this thing down when I could be on camera right now, giving those people a piece of my mind.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Hey, I only saw the EVOs empty husk before. What's the real thing look like anyway? Huh?
:'''Bobo Haha''': That.
:''[Rex Salazar grunts]''
:''[Rex Salazar grunting]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Any suggestions?
:'''Bobo Haha''': Can you make a soccer net?
:''[Rex Salazar and Bobo Haha grunts]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Aha! Got you cornered now. There's no way out. You're overpowered.
:'''Bobo Haha''': You were saying?
:'''Agent Six''': You wanted to interview me. Now's your chance. Go.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Um... okay. Tell me, Six-- May I call you Six?-- What is the real truth behind the nanite event that created the EVOs?
:'''Agent Six''': That's classified.
:'''Diane Farrah''': What is your role, if any, in that event?
:'''Agent Six''': That's classified, too.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Are you always this talkative?
:'''Agent Six''': No comment.
:''[Rex Salazar grunts]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Wait. Let me do that again. You didn't get my good side. Which is my good side?
:'''Bobo Haha''': Your backside.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Agent Six, you promised you were taking us to the heart of the operation.
:'''Agent Six''': Right. The heart of the operation. This way.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': [Watching from a monitor] It went right.
:''[Rex goes to his right. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Camera right!
:''[Rex goes to the camera's right]''
:'''Dr. Holiday''': How can you miss it now? It's six feet in diameter and weighs five hundred pounds!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Less criticizing, more helping!
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Try to steer it in the direction of Hallway twelve. We can isolate it in the atrium.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Oh, we've got it contained there now.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': No, sorry. I was reading that backwards. Hallway twenty one.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, Hallway twenty one leads to the central core!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Okay, so, no big deal. That's a cold-fission reactor, not electric, right?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, all electricity is converted from something-- Wind, solar, hydro-- At the central core!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Ohh.
:''[Providence Agent screams]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Uh-hoh.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, listen carefully and do exactly as I say because we're only going to get one shot at this.
:'''Diane Farrah''': One shot at what, doctor?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': The... future. Providence is the future. The future used to be the space program. Now the future is Providence and the science of EVOs.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Doc? Are you still there? We have a situation.
:'''Agent Six''': Just a minor downgrade of power during a routine relay check. Nothing to worry about.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Guys, I could really use some advice right about now!
:''[Rex Salazar grunts]''
:'''White Knight''': Attention all Providence Personnel, we have a Level-One Priority...
:''[Realizes the reporters are present]''
:'''White Knight''': Drill. Repeat-- This is our daily drill in the Central Core-- Now.
:'''Agent Six''': Lunch bell. It's taco day. Anyone hungry?
:'''Diane Farrah''': Agent Six, while we appreciate the commemorative spoons and the tacos, I can't help but think that you've been hiding something from our viewers.
:'''Agent Six''': Not at all, ma'am. Providence is an open book.
:''[Rex Salazar screams]''
:'''Diane Farrah''': Cut! You're ruining the shot, Rex. Just be patient. I will get to you-- I promise.
:''[Rex Salazar groans]''
:'''Agent Six''': Get down.
:''[Diane Farrah gasps]''
:'''Diane Farrah''': That was... what you did.
:'''Agent Six''': Just doing my job, ma'am.
:'''Rex Salazar''': And I'm just doing mine!
:''[Rex Salazar grunts]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': You're not going anywhere now, buddy, except back to your-- Cage?
:'''White Knight''': We hope that you and the Ultimate Exposure team are enjoying our EVO containment demonstration, Miss Farrah. All part of readiness training here at Providence.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Can I quote you on that?
:'''White Knight''': Miss Farah, I'm not gonna stop you from filming, but for your own safety and the safety of your crew, please step back and let my people do what they do best. Alpha Team, I need a containment of the cafeteria, cube formation. Fire! Rex.
:'''Rex Salazar''': I'm on it.
:'''Agent Six''': Stay here. This is the real deal.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Not on your life. Find an elevator. We're missing it.
:'''Caesar Salazar''': Still not a good ti-i-i-i-i-me!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Okay, big boy. No more crawl spaces. No more Hallways. Just you and me in a big, old hangar bay mano y mano.
:''[Rex Salazar grunts]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Huh?
:'''Bobo Haha''': ''[after Rex has been repeatedly beaten back by the Evo]'' Looks like you showed him.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Are you going to talk, or are you going to help?
:'''Bobo Haha''': Talk. Kidding! I'm helping! I'm helping!
:''[Rex Salazar grunts]''
:''[Rex Salazar groaning]''
:''[Rex Salazar groaning]''
:''[Rex Salazar sighs]''
:''[Rex Salazar groaning]''
:'''Diane Farrah''': Please tell me you're getting all of this.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Providence's man of mystery strikes again. Ow! It-- it bit me!
:'''Diane Farrah''': Quick, grab some B-roll footage before they get rid of all the evidence.
:'''Rex Salazar''': You did see that I did all the heavy lifting and Six just took out the trash, right?
:'''Diane Farah''': Don't worry. The camera never lies.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Yes!
:'''Bobo Haha''': Good! Then get a load of this!
:'''Diane Farah''': Do you have something to say?
:''[Camera zooms in on Bobo]''
:'''Bobo Haha''': Oh... oh.
:''[Bobo mutters then passes out]''
:'''Diane Farrah''': I think we have everything we need.
:'''Rex Salazar''': I don't know how you guys came off looking, but yours truly rocked hard. Just call me Providence's Man of Mystery from now on. Oh, yeah! Stardom starts in five, four, three, two--
:'''Diane Farrah''': I'm Diane Farrah, and for the first time ever, we've got an exclusive all-access pass inside the top-secret organization known as Providence. To uncover for our viewers, all the juiciest behind-the-scenes details of this most secret of institutions.
:'''Rex Salazar''': We are so dead.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Nice knowing you, kid.
:'''Diane Farrah''': To find out the real story behind that man of mystery you've all wondered about for so long.
:'''Agent Six''': Agent Six is the name.
:'''Rex Salazar''': They did it.
:'''Bobo Haha''': They did.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': This is a news show? What is the world coming to?
:'''Diane Farrah''': Look out, ladies. Agent Six is the full package -- brains, brawn, and--
:'''Agent Six''': Highly sensitive.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Just what is he hiding behind those alluring, dark glasses of his?
:'''Agent Six''': That's classified.
:'''Diane Farrah''': He's the Providence agent you women wanted to get to know.
:'''Agent Six''': Up close and personal.
:'''Diane Farrah''': That's right, girls.
:'''Agent Six''': He's The real deal.
:'''Diane Farrah''': And he's known throughout Providence as--
:'''Agent Six''': The heart of the operation.
:'''Diane Farrah''': He's the organization's best-kept secret, the ultimate agent, and--
:'''Agent Six''': The man of many mysteries.
:'''Diane Farrah''': And, yes, ladies, he is single -- or is he?
:''[Dr. Holiday laughs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Excuse me.
:'''Agent Six''': No comment.
:''[Rex and Bobo Haha laughs]''
:'''White Knight''': Well, that's a relief.
:'''Rex Salazar''': ''[after the story airs]'' So, man of mystery, what's it like being a big star adored by women everywhere?
:'''Agent Six''': No comment.

===Touch and Go===
===The Siren's Lament===
* Flashbacks as to how Circe came to work for Van Kleiss.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;

===Grounded===
===Six Minus Six===
===In Dreams===

===Lions and Lambs===
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:''[Providence agents are standing in an industrial area, fingers on triggers. Rex flies in on jet pack and lands beside all the agents.]''
:'''Rex:''' Any sign? ''[Rex notices agents shaking in fear.]'' Alright then, who’s up for a burger, anyone? Tough crowd.
:''[Six walks up.]''
:'''Six:'''	These agents seem nervous. Haven’t they dealt with this situation before?
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, that's kind of the problem.
:''[Rex twitches, as if he is feeling Breach's presence.]''
:'''Providence Agent:''' Here she comes.
:''[Breach appears in front of them. They fire at her. She sends their missiles and agents away with red portals.]''
:'''Six:'''	How do we stop her?
:'''Rex:'''	''[Smack Hands.]'' Hit hard and keep clear of anything that glows.
:''[Breach has a collar around her neck like the one Van Kleiss wears, and a device on her chest like his only much larger and shackles are around her giant hands which look like Van Kleiss's bio-mechanical wrist. She opens a red portal. A giant jellyfish-like thing flies out at Six, then a large creature with a horn on its nose runs out. Rex jumps at Breach, she portals out, returns and the device on her chest starts sparking.]''
:'''Rex:'''	What's with the new toy, Breach?
:'''Breach:'''	''[Glares]'' Wouldn’t you like to know?
:''[T-Rex appears through a gold colored portal, sniffs Rex.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Seriously, where do you find these things? Let's see what you started out as, big guy. ''[Tries to cure.] Six? This... this isn't an EVO!'' It's an actual T-Rex! ...Six?
:''[Rex runs from T-Rex.]''
:'''Breach:'''	Have fun. ''[Leaves through red portal.]''
:''[Rex hides behind light pole, T-Rex pulls pole from ground, Rex falls to the ground.]''
:'''Six:'''	I take it this sort of thing doesn't happen all the time?
:'''Rex:''' Try never? This is all kinds of wrong.
:''[Rex makes BFS, runs at T-Rex; Six runs at T-Rex, jumps on and stabs it in back.]''
:'''Holiday:'''	Is that what I think it is?
:'''Six:''' You mean about to be extinct?
:'''Holiday:''' If you destroy the scientific find of a lifetime, it won’t be the only thing.
:'''Rex:'''	It's trying to eat us.
:'''Six:'''	You heard the lady. Take it down soft.
:'''Rex:'''	Easy for you to say.
:''[Rex lies on the ground holding the jaws open with Smack Hands and it slobbers on him.]''
:''[Scene change.]''
:''[Video of T-Rex in confinement field. The T-Rex turns to dust.]''
:'''White Knight:''' Breach is powerful enough as it is, and now you're telling me she can travel through time?
:'''Holiday:'''	However she's doing it, I haven't worked out all the kinks yet. That dinosaur reverted to its actual age about less than two hours after arrival.
:'''Caesar:'''	Photo and deep scan analysis reveals some very interesting technology at work here. Van Kleiss has really stepped up his game.
:'''White Knight:''' Skip the fan talk. How do we stop it?
:'''Caesar:'''	Until I get my hands on the device, I'm not certain we can.
:'''White Knight:''' We have to bring her to our side.
:'''Rex:'''	The only way she's coming here is if she does it willingly.
:'''White Knight:''' How do you propose we persuade her?
:'''Rex:'''	With me. ''[Six and Holiday stare at him skeptically.]'' I can be very convincing. Okay, okay. I think she might still have a thing for me.
:'''Bobo:''' Atta boy, work it on the crazy chick.
:'''White Knight:''' I don't care how we do it as long as we get results. Providence is under the microscope. It is the worst time for Van Kleiss to gain the upper hand. Get to it. Bring her in.
:''[Six and Holiday walking out of the room together down the hall.]''
:'''Six:''' ''[To Holiday.]'' I need a word. Something's wrong with White.
:'''Holiday:'''	Oh. That. He’s always like this, Six.
:'''Six:'''	No. This is different. I know when something is bothering him. The secret meetings, the anxiety. He’s up to something.
:'''Holiday:'''	I'll see what I can find out.
:''[Scene change.]''
:''[Rex on hoverboard, in Providence stealth suit.]''
:'''Rex:'''	WHOO-HOO! Works pretty good. After all, I built it. ''[Loses control of board for a moment.]''
:''[Scene change.]''
:''[Van Kleiss's castle, Rex hiding by entrance.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Going in. ''[Pulls up stealth mask, disappears partly, runs past guard.]''
:''[Scene change.]''
:''[Breach is hooked up to a large machine. Van Kleiss stands before her with a huge bank of controls and displays, spooky dark lighting. She screams.]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' This is unacceptable, Breach. I need you to concentrate.
:'''Breach:''' It hurts.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Think of what I'm trying to achieve here. I cannot fail.
:''[Breach screams in agony and collapses.]''
:''[Rex looks down horrified, Van Kleiss grins, Breach screams and falls down.]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I'll return when it recharges and we'll start again.
:''[Rex holds his hand out to her.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Why do you let him do this to you?
:'''Breach:''' Glory.
:'''Rex:'''	Van Kleiss's glory. Is he even noticing how you're tearing yourself apart for him? Have you ever heard him say thank you? What do you say we blow this joint, you and me? He's hurting you.
:'''Breach:'''	It's not real. It can't hurt you if it isn't real.
:'''Rex:'''	Breach, look at me. It is. I'm real, all of this is real. You don't have to live this way.
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	Why am I not surprised. Rex has come to rescue another of my lost sheep. Perhaps he'll try to save you next, Biowulf.
:'''Rex:'''	That depends. Is he housebroken yet?
:'''Biowulf:'''	I am no traitor.
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	You’ve no doubt seen our little experiment. Breach shows great promise. She just needs a little fine tuning.
:'''Rex:'''	Then what? Go back in time and be king of the cavemen?
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	Why not? It wouldn’t be much of a step down, now would it? Breach, if you would, remove our guest so we can continue. Practice makes perfect, or in your case, acceptable.
:''[Breach makes a red portal.]''
:'''Rex:''' Breach! Think about what you're doing.
:''[Van Kleiss grins, she runs and puts her arms around Rex, portals out with Rex.]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Find her. Now.
:''[Mountains, snow, Rex shivering.]''
:'''Rex:'''	I'm glad you got us out of there, but where... are we?
:'''Breach:'''	When the snow is gone you can see forever.
:'''Rex:''' That's nice. Can we go now?
:'''Breach:''' I need to know if I can trust you.
:'''Rex:'''	You can trust me. I swear.
:''[Breach grabs his hand and hugs him. He opens his eyes. They are standing on a shiny endless reflective surface, reflecting stars.]''
:'''Rex:'''	This is different.
:'''Breach:'''	Do you see it?
:'''Rex:'''	Um--
:'''Breach:'''	This is where the stillness comes from.
:'''Rex:'''	You. Are weird. So what exactly does this mean? Are you coming with me or is this some kind of test?
:'''Breach:'''	I need you to see it.
:'''Rex:'''	Ah... A test.
:'''Breach:'''	Do you wanna understand?
:'''Rex:'''	Not exactly sure. ''[She glares, he waves his hands in front of him.]'' Yes, I mean yes. I mean--
:'''Breach:''' Follow me. ''[Walks through red portal.]''
:''[Another place. A door, a doll, a bear and a fire hydrant float in space.]''
:''[Rex hanging upside down, she is holding him by his ankle above a swirling pink vortex.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Ahh! What happened? I thought we were getting along fine!
:'''Breach:'''	Why are you here?
:'''Rex:''' Good question. Where exactly is here? Can we go somewhere else now, somewhere like, on Earth?
:''[She drops him. He screams and lands on the floor between some stacks of books.]''
:'''Rex:''' You sure know how to pick'em. What kind of tripped out dimension is this? ''[Librarian walks by and shushes him.]'' Oh. College.
:'''White Knight:''' ''[On communicator in Rex's right ear.]'' Rex, report. Where on earth have you been?
:'''Rex:'''	Apparently every place but.
:'''White Knight:''' I need to know you can handle this otherwise we're going to try a different approach.
:'''Rex:'''	You need to chill out, White. I’m making progress. ''[Rex puts his hand to his left ear.]'' Dr. Holiday, are you there?
:'''Holiday:'''	Tracking shows you’re with Breach. Are you okay?
:'''Rex:'''	Fine? Creeped out but fine. I can't bring Breach back to Providence, White would just lock her up and that won't help.
:'''Holiday:'''	Where will you take her?
:'''Rex:'''	I'll think of something. Just keep White Knight off my case.
:''[Breach appears behind him.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Why don't you let me pick out where we go next?
:''[Scene change.]''
:''[White Knight hands folded moving nervously.]''
:'''White Knight:''' He says he's making progress.
:'''Black Knight:''' The committee is losing confidence. They want results, not excuses.
:'''White Knight:''' Then that's exactly what they’ll get.
:''[Scene change. Rex sits across from Breach in a booth at a bowling alley.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Soooo, don't like bowling, huh? I figured with the extra arms you'd be a natural.
:'''Breach:'''	I'm not supposed to like you, but I do.
:'''Rex:''' ''[smiles]'' We're teenagers. At least assuming you are. Doing what we are not supposed to is part of the job. French fry?
:''[She takes it and then drops it.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Do you remember anything? From before you... changed?
:'''Breach:'''	I remember everything. And nothing.
:'''Rex:''' Naturally. Why did I even bother to ask. Listen, Breach. I'm not going to pretend I understand you, ''[Puts his hand on her giant hand]'' but I can help. If you let me.
:''[The machine starts to glow, they jump to their feet, other people look startled.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Nothing to worry about. Everything's fine.
:'''Breach:'''	I can't, I can't stop it.
:'''Rex:'''	Let me try. ''[He tries and it knocks him onto the floor sparking.]''
:'''Breach:'''	Van Kleiss has control. They're coming.
:''[Van Kleiss busts through the door with The Pack following. Raises bio-mechanical hand, palm of it glows, device on Breach's chest turns off.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Okay, do your thing. Get us out of here. Anywhere.
:''[she tries]''
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	You can't take what doesn't belong to you.
:'''Rex:'''	I didn't take you for the jealous type. ''[Rex shoots bowling balls at Van Kleiss with his cannon, hits Biowulf and Skalamander in the face and Van Kleiss punches the balls aside with his bio-mechanical hand.]''
:'''Rex:''' Breach, let's go!
:''[Breach rides off with Rex on hoverboard, Van Kleiss and Pack follow on three flying fish EVO's with harnesses and big teeth. They dodge and crash Van Kleiss into a window, and land in a park.]''
:''[Breach and Rex stand together on a footbridge looking down into the water.]''
:'''Breach:''' ''[Walks to bridge and looks at her reflection, Rex follows.]'' Will they hurt me?
:'''Rex:'''	Providence? Not if I can help it.
:'''Breach:'''	They did before. Ms. Smarty Pants—she likes to hurt me.
:'''Rex:''' I'll give you my word, if you come back to Providence, I promise no one will hurt you.
:'''Breach:'''	We can be together forever and ever. ''[She walks off bridge, ducks swimming in water.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Uh... something like that. What am I getting myself into? We gotta move. I bet my brother has already figured out how to turn that thing of yours off.
:''[The ducks fly off, they look and see a reflection in the pond of White Knight's ship.]''
:''[White Knight walks up followed by Providence fighter planes.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Uh guys, what are you doing?!
:'''White Knight:''' If you can't have something done right, do it yourself.
:''[They shoot at Breach, she screams, Rex is horrified.]''
:'''Rex:''' No! No! No! ''[walks up bridge to White Knight]'' Do have any idea what you just did?
:''[Breach's chest device turns on, she screams, Providence shoots at her.]''
:'''Rex:''' Is this what you wanted? Congratulations! ''[runs to Breach]'' Breach! Wait!
:'''Breach:''' Liar! ''[Throws red portal at Rex, he dodges, second one hits him, he disappears. Providence keeps shooting, she throw portals, drops three soldiers in water.]''
:'''White Knight:''' Agent Six!
:''[He jumps at her, she portals him away to behind Knight. Rex jumps from the water onto the bridge by Knight.]''
:'''Rex:'''	You had no intention to bring her in, did you?
:'''White Knight:''' I wanted to believe you, Rex, but this is too important. She can't be controlled.
:'''Rex:''' Control... Her powers are back on. Van Kleiss.
:''[Van Kleiss arrives on flying fish EVO.]''
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	Settle down, Breach.
:''[Chest device turns off.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Let me do this. I can get through to her. Come on. It couldn't get any worse than you've already made it
:''[Knight and Six look at each other.]''
:'''White Knight:''' Form a perimeter around Breach. Van Kleiss isn't to touch her.
:''[A rock wall rises from the ground blocking Rex as he runs towards Breach. The Pack jumps down from wall to attack Rex, Six intervenes. Agents surround Breach, she tries and fails to make red portal. Screams. Van Kleiss flies in on fish, knocks down agents with bio-mechanical whip arm, shoots needles from fingers and knocks more down, fish knocks the rest down. White Knight shoots at Van Kleiss.]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' If you had any idea what I was trying to do you might even welcome it.
:'''White Knight:''' Enlighten me.
:''[Van Kleiss touches a tree and it turns into an EVO. EVO tree catches and holds White. Six and Biowulf fight, Rex and Skalamander fight.]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Enlighten you?
:''[Sticks his claws in White Knight, glowing White Knight screams.]'' All in good time, White Knight, assuming you have some left.
:''[Six throws a magnablade through Van Kleiss's bio-mechanical arm and he lets go of White.]''
:'''Six:'''	''[to White Knight]'' Go. I mean it. ''[White Knight flies off.]''
:'''Six:''' The name's Six.
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	We've met.
:'''Six:'''	Don't remember. ''[They fight.]''
:''[Breach on merry-go-round, turning slowly looking at the sky.
:'''Rex:'''	You're just using her.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Of course I am. She knows it. Spare me the chivalry, Rex. Providence would do the same.
:'''Rex:'''	Either way you slice it, she loses!
:'''Breach:''' ''[to herself]'' My two favorites. You both lie. Neither is real.
:'''Rex:''' ''[goes to her]'' Breach, I'm sorry. I meant what I said.
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	Words mean nothing.
:'''Rex:''' Then let this do the talking. ''[Turns on her machine, puts it into her power.]''
:''[Van Kleiss laughs evilly]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' You just handed her a loaded gun.
:'''Rex:'''	And now it's her choice how to use it.
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	Oh if only I had the chance to get through to you, Rex, to teach you how the world really works.
:''[Breach steps in front of Van Kleiss, raises her arms as if to send Rex away. Makes huge yellow portal above them.]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Our very first time traveler. You should be honored. Now Breach, if you wouldn't mind.
:''[Van Kleiss laughs evilly]''
:''[Rex closes his eyes. Breach sends Van Kleiss away with yellow portal.]''
:'''Rex:''' That was... unexpected.
:''[Rex tries to turn machine off but fails.]''
:'''Rex:'''	It won't turn off. I'm sorry. I, I didn't know.
:'''Breach:'''	Van Kleiss made it like this so I wouldn't send him away.
:'''Rex:'''	That didn't work out so well did it? Six, get everyone out of here now! ''[A big yellow dome forms around the playground where Rex and Breach stand.]''
:'''Rex:'''	So, what's going to happen?
:''[Rex and Breach are about to be engulfed by Breach's out of control time portal]''
:'''Breach''': ''[she looks up]'' I don't know if any of this was real. But it was nice having a friend for a while. ''[Rex smiles, Breach hugs him as they dispensary in the golden time portal]''
:'''Rex:''' I didn't get blown up. ''[Sees a lizard.]'' Whoa! ''[Jumps away, startled.]'' Oh no, please don't let this be dino time. ''[Touches earpiece in left ear.]'' Rex to Providence, do you copy? :''[Takes earpiece out and looks at it.]'' Oh... Rex to Providence, you better be there.
:'''Providence Agent:''' Uh... we copy, Rex. We have a lock on your coordinates and are sending a jump jet.
:'''Rex:'''	Is Six okay? Breach went supernova.
:'''Providence Agent:''' Someone's on the way, just hold tight. Providence out.
:''[Scene change, Rex lying on the ground.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Took you long enough.
:''[Turns over and sees Providence agents, pointing guns at him.]''
:'''Providence Agent:''' Rex is onboard. Heading back to HQ.
:'''Rex:'''	HQ? Ten minutes ago I was in the middle of an epic battle. You need to take me back!
:'''Providence Agent:''' Um, that battle is over.
:'''Rex:''' What happened? Is Six okay? Guys...what's going on?
:''[They arrive at HQ.]''
:'''Caesar:'''	Baby brother, you're okay! ''[Runs and hugs him.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Breach just sent me to nowheresville. Nothing to freak out over.
:'''Caesar:'''	''[To Providence agent.]'' You didn't tell him?
:'''Providence Agent:''' Our orders were just to bring him back.
:'''Rex:'''	Tell me what? Hey, when did you... have a beard?
:'''Caesar:''' There's no easy way to tell you this, hermano. Breach didn't just send you to the middle of nowhere. You've been gone for six months.
:'''Rex:'''	Six months?! So this is--
:'''Caesar:''' Technically, the future. I should warn you, there've been a few changes.
:'''Rex:'''	You didn't give away my room, did you?
:'''Caesar:''' As a matter of fact, they did.
:'''Rex:''' What?! Caesar, tell me what's going on here.
:'''Caesar:'''	It would be better if I showed you.
:'''Rex:'''	White Knight taking visitors now?
:'''Caesar:'''	I'll wait out here.
:''[Rex sees Providence agents dressed in black.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Nice suits.
:''[Goes into the office.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Ah... Love what you've done with the place. White?
:''[Person in chair turns around, it's a woman, not White Knight.]''
:'''Black Knight:''' Thank you, Rex. ''[She gets up and walks towards him.]'' It was a little bright for my taste. White Knight is no longer associated with this organization.
:'''Rex:''' He quit?
:'''Black Knight:''' He...attempted a hostile takeover and failed. Can I get you anything? Water? A snack?
:'''Rex:''' I don't want a snack! Where's Six? Where's Holiday!?
:'''Black Knight:''' This must upsetting to you. Change is never easy but from I understand, you've been in situations like this before. Everything's going to be fine.
:'''Rex:''' Who are you?!
:'''Black Knight:''' Someone very happy to have you back. Call me Black Knight.

==Season Three (2011-2013)==
===Back in Black===
: '''Rex''': Okay, I get what's going on here.
: '''Black Knight''': I'm relieved to hear that, Rex.
: '''Rex''': You can come out! I know you're there!
: '''Black Knight''': Rex?
: '''Rex''': We're friends, now, remember? Breach?
: '''Black Knight''': Breach isn't here, Rex. The world's changed. As soon you accept th--
: '''Rex''': No, I'm not ignoring you. It's just that you're not real.
: '''Black Knight''': I assure you I'm very real-- as is all of this.
: '''Rex''': ''[chuckling]'' Oh, come on. It's been a fun time in the ol' Breachscape, but, you know, time to go home now.
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Rex''': Seen this before. Usually ends with a black hole.
: '''Black Knight''': Rex, you're disoriented. Let me--
: '''Rex''': Sorry, non-lady. No time. Got an exit to find! Shall we aprehend?
: '''Black Knight''': It won't be necessary.
: '''Caesar''': Rex! Have you lost it?
: '''Rex''': Caesar! We're in a pocket dimension! It could collapse at any second!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Caesar''': That's crazy, Rex. This is not a pocket dimension.
: '''Rex''': You're right! It's a whole alternate universe! And-- and-- and you're my Brother's evil twin! Out of the way! Six! Six! Doc!
: ''[Rex panting]''
: '''Rex''': Dr. Holiday! Doc!
: ''[Rex sighs]''
: '''Rex''': Wha-- Well, at least some things haven't changed. Whoa! Whoa! Okay, now I-- Bleh-- know I'm in an-- Aah!-- alternate universe. Unh! You can go ahead and -- Blech!-- Eat me now, please.
: '''Black Knight''': Release.
: '''Rex''': You were... saying something about changes?
: '''Black Knight''': There have been a few.
: '''Caesar''': You've got temporal lag, Rex. It's kind of like altitude sickness, only in time. Here-- This will balance your electrolytes.
: ''[Rex sighs]''
: '''Rex''': So this is really-- 
: '''Black Knight''': Really. Welcome to the future, Rex-- Or, rather, to the present. Without your healing abilities, Providence has embraced a new paradigm. We've moved beyond the outmoded era of &quot;cure, contain, or kill.&quot;
: '''Rex''': And into the era of &quot;serious leash laws&quot;.
: '''Caesar''': We used the petting zoo as our test bed. What do you think?
: '''Rex''': I think it needs a new name, 'cause, you know, now it really is one.
: '''Caesar''': We've developed new techniques for working with EVOs. It's all about understanding them better.
: '''Rex''': So, you're some sort of &quot;EVO whisperer&quot;?
: '''Caesar''': ''[laughs]'' It's a bit more complicated than that. You sure you're okay? ''[sighs]'' It's good to have you back, brother.
: '''Black Knight''': Family ties. They transcend even time itself.
: '''Rex''': Caesar's not my only family.
: '''Black Knight''': I'll bring you up to speed on the others. When you went M.I.A., White Knight lost his biggest weapon in the war for EVO containment.
: '''Rex''': Figures that I have to vanish for him to appreciate me.
: '''Black Knight''': White became erratic-- some might say paranoid. Directorate lost faith in his ability to lead.
: '''Rex''': Directorate? I never knew white even had a boss.
: '''Black Knight''': There are, shall we say, layers. I was named as his replacement.
: '''Rex''': Let me guess-- he didn't take it well.
: '''Black Knight''': You could say that.
: '''Providence Agent''': White Knight! Sir! Stand down!
: '''White Knight''': I'd rather go down in flames than see Providence in the hands of the enemy.
: '''Providence Agent''': He's got a bomb! Fall back! All units fall ba--
: '''Rex''': Whoa! That was--
: '''Black Knight''': Your room.
: '''Rex''': Huh? Aww, man! But... Six... Holiday... where--
: '''Black Knight''': Where do you think? They're out looking for you. Agent Six and Holiday took indefinite leave. They've been off the grid ever since. I've attempted to contact them, but no response.
: '''Rex''': Mind if... I give them a ring? Not that I don't trust you.
: '''Black Knight''': But you don't trust me. Natural, given the circumstances. Be my guest. It won't take long, to locate them. Meanwhile, there are many familiar faces who will be glad to hear you're back. Which reminds me... This is everything we salvaged from your room.
: '''Rex''': Huh. Talk about starting over.
: '''Black Knight''': You could you know. There's still a place for you in the--
: '''Rex''': My room. I thought you said it was trashed.
: '''Black Knight''': Rex, wait.
: '''Rex''': What's the matter, Black? This where you're hiding all your evil secrets?
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Rex''': Um... Wow!
: '''Black Knight''': This entire wing was destroyed in the blast. I had the space... repurposed.
: '''Rex''': White wouldn't even splurge for private stalls.
: '''Black Knight''': As you see, I treat my finest people to the very finest things.
: '''Rex''': Sure. I'll take one of those, please.
: '''Black Knight''': It's yours-- and anything else you'd like.
: '''Rex''': As long as I do whatever you want-- That it?
: '''Black Knight''': On the contrary-- you're a seasoned agent. I have a few boundaries, but otherwise, handle matters as you see fit.
: '''Rex''': Say I refuse.
: '''Black Knight''': Then I turn you over to mel. ''[chuckling]'' I'm kidding. You're free to leave whenever you like. But I hope you'll stay. Now, more than ever, Providence needs a Rex. So, how do you feel? Like I haven't used one of those in Six months-- Which I haven't. You mind? Bobo?
: '''Bobo''': Rex! Heard you were back. So great to see you, buddy. Whoa. Just a sec, there, pal. Gotta love those certain towelettes.
: ''[Bobo whistling]''
: '''Bobo''': What? Never seen a monkey wash his hands before?
: '''Rex''': Not this one.
: ''[Bobo munching]''
: '''Rex''': You wanna tell me what's gotten into you or what?
: '''Bobo''': What are you talking abou-- Unh! Hey!
: '''Rex''': Sorry. For a minute, I thought you were...
: '''Bobo''': Robo Bobo? Wanna check for a tv in my butt?
: '''Rex''': Pass. But come on. You've, I don't know, mellowed or something.
: '''Bobo''': Guess I just don't have a big need to act out these days, what with you and everyone gone. Plus, the employee benefits are pretty sweet.
: '''Black Knight''': Rex, we've got a little EVO problem. Providence could use your help. Ready to get back in the game?
: '''Rex''': If it involves getting out of here, that would be a &quot;yes.&quot; You coming?
: '''Bobo''': I'll join ya on the next one. I got Tai Chi at 2:00.
: '''Rex''': Missing an EVO smackdown? That doesn't sound like you.
: '''Bobo''': Did I mention the instructor has a thing for back hair?
: '''Rex:''' Ew. Okay. That sounds like you. What is it and where do I find it?
: '''Providence Agent''': We've got an EVO in the subway tunnels, people trapped in one of the trains. The power's out down there, too.
: '''Rex:''' Sounds like a street worm. Sure it's just one? Rex to H.Q. Okay, new chief, how do you want to do this?
: '''Black Knight:''' You're the expert.
: '''Rex:''' I am? Uh, I mean, of course I am. It's just that Six usually--
: '''Black Knight:''' You don't need help, Rex. Handle it as you see fit. Black, out.
: '''Rex:''' What's this strange feeling that's come upon me? Could it be...
: ''[Rex shudders]''
: '''Rex''': Responsibility?! Okay. Assemble your guys over there. Be ready for me. Should the guys grab flashlight. Or... better. Not a bad pre-show. Now for the main event.
: '''Providence Agent:''' How did you know?
: '''Rex:''' These things usually travel in pairs. I used lights from my builds to make it think I was another worm. Have your bug net handy. They're so cute after I shut them down.
: '''Rex:''' Sorry B.K. No can cure.
: '''Black Knight:''' Understood. Our team will take it from here.
: '''Rex:''' Um, take what where?
: '''Providence Agent:''' Move into the vehicle! Move... into... the vehicle! Hit her again!
: '''Rex:''' Um, what just happend?
: '''Black Knight:''' That's all for now, Rex. Nicely done.
: '''Rex:''' Hm. Wait. What are you gonna do with it?
: '''Providence Agent:''' Standard rehab and re-lo. It's all very humane.
: '''Rex:''' I'd love to see that. Mind if I tag along?
: '''Black Knight:''' Sorry, Rex. Authorized personnel only. You've done your job. Now let the team theirs.
: '''Rex:''' But--
: '''Black Knight:''' Boundaries, Rex.
: '''Rex:''' Boundaries. Got it. Rex, out.
: '''Caesar:''' Main container reached. Attach stabilizer ring.
: '''Rex:''' Humane? Yeah, right.
: ''[Bobo yawns]''
: '''Bobo:''' See? Great employee benefits.
: '''Rex:''' Yeah. Right. Hey, you got a tag sticking out in the back. Mind if I--
: '''Bobo:''' Thanks, pal. Well, off to yoga.
: '''Caesar:''' You really shouldn't be here, hermano.
: '''Rex:''' The petting zoo? The worm? My monkey practicing good hygiene? You're using that thing to control my friend!
: '''Caesar:''' He's still the same Bobo you know and love. He just need a few boundaries.
: '''Rex:''' He's not the same, and neither are you! You should hear yourself!
: '''Caesar:''' Making the world safer isn't possible without some form of control. And you'd better get some control of yourself, mijo.
: '''Rex:''' Or what? You'll use that thing on me?
: '''Caesar:''' Open your eyes to all the good we're accomplishing. Isn't this better than smacking them with your giant fists?
: '''Rex:''' That's combat! I protect people and property! Okay, property, not so much, but this? If you can't see the difference, then maybe I never knew you at all!
: '''Caesar:''' It doesn't matter. I have work to do.
: '''Rex:''' So do I!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Uses his Smack Hands to smash everything around him]''
: '''Caesar:''' Rex! Stop!
: '''Black Knight:''' Snooping around, Rex? See, that's another one of my boundaries.
: '''Rex:''' White Knight may have had his issues, but he never resorted to anything like this!
: '''Black Knight:''' I never planned to do this, Rex, but you've become a danger.
: '''Rex''' ''[shocked]'': Caesar! Think! You can't do this!
: '''Caesar:''' Of course I'm thinking. This is the logical conclusion to what we started. 
: '''Rex:''' The logical-- Aaaah! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Raaah! Aah!
: ''[Caesar blasts the mind-control laser, causing Rex to scream and groan in pain]''
: '''Caesar:''' Sorry, Rex. You'll thank me later.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' You... better... believe I will!
: '''Caesar:''' Please don't resist! It's only painful if you struggle!
: '''Black Knight:''' What's taking so long?
: '''Caesar:''' He's fighting it! His nantic energy is spiking off the scale!
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: '''Black Knight:''' Boost power.
: '''Caesar:''' It's not safe to--
: '''Black Knight:''' It's for the best. 
: ''[Caesar increases power, causing Rex's nanites to go haywire as a tear fall down his cheek, heartbroken about his own brother betraying him]''
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Manages to overpower the mind-control machine, much to the surprise and wonder of Caesar and Black Knight]''
: '''Rex:''' You just drew a line in the sand, bro! ''[runs off]''
: '''Black Knight:''' You'd better have a backup.
: '''Caesar:''' The prototype. Not portable, but more than enough power, even for him.
: '''Black Knight:''' Get it ready.
: '''Rex:''' Unh!
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: '''Rex:''' No mood to get slimed right now, mel!
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: '''Rex:''' What happened to your EVO control?
: '''Black Knight:''' A demonstration. You know what would happen without our influence.
: '''Rex:''' So, you're hijacking its brain, like you tried to do with mine.
: '''Black Knight:''' That won't be necessary if you'll willingly cooperate.
: '''Rex:''' Translation-- if I do everything you say.
: '''Black Knight:''' You've seen how we can work together. Providence still needs you. There will always be a few EVOs we can't control.
: '''Rex:''' Yeah. I'm one of them.
: '''Black Pawns:''' Shall we pursue?
: '''Black Knight:''' Most definitely.
: '''Rex:''' Gangway! Coming through! Huh? No! Huh. Black Pawns. Overdoing the whole theme, don't you think?
: ''[Rex groaning]''
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Rex:''' Yah! I'm getting beat up by the chess club!
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Black Knight:''' We... got off on the wrong foot. Stow the hardware and come with us. You have my word you won't be harmed. We can start over-- the right way.
: '''Bobo:''' You mind? You're interrupting the enjoyment of my employee benefits.
: ''[Rex sighs]''
: ''[Rex panting]''
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Black Knight:''' ''[after Rex was tranquilized]'' Excellent work. Take him to the lab.
: ''[Rex groans]''
: ''[Rex sighs]''
: '''Rex:''' What? No way! You're not turning my brain to mashed potatoes! Doc?!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Welcome back, Rex.
: '''Six:''' Good to see you, kid.
: '''Rex:''' Before I blame this on a Burrito-induced nightmare, will someone please tell me-- What... Is... Going... On?!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' What do you think? We've been looking for you.
: '''Six:''' We knew Providence might find you first. Fortunately, we planted a mole.
: '''Bobo:''' Ehh. Rex! Put 'er there!
: '''Rex:''' Uhh! You didn't wash! Oh! You didn't wash! But that means... that he really was... Robo Bobo?
: '''Bobo:''' In the flesh.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Literally. I gave it a biological upgrade, complete with his own nanites and... fleas, ticks, lice, chigger mites.
: '''Bobo:''' What can I say? I'm an ecosystem.
: '''Six:''' It's enough to fool your brother's equipment. The robot is only providing limited intel. But one thing is sure-- new Providence is about more than just getting Evos off the streets.
: '''Rex:''' I saw it. Whatever they're doing over there is seriously messed up.
: '''Six:''' That's why we've set up our own operation.
: '''Rex:''' Whoa! Where did you get all of this?
: '''Six:''' We have our sources.
: '''Rex:''' So, we're like super secret spies now? Cool!
:''[Rex sighs]''
: '''Rex:''' It's too bad about White, though. I never thought I'd say it, but I'm gonna miss that pasty guy.
: '''White Knight:''' How touching, Rex. I, on the other hand, would rather enjoyed the last six Rex-free months. Now... if we're done with the love-in, we have work to do.
: '''Rex:''' It really can't get any better than this. Oh, except one thing-- can I get a TV?

===Crash and Burn===
*From this episode, Rex can create two builds at once
:''[Bobo yawns]''
:'''Bobo:''' They say nothin' good happens after midnight. And, you know, they're right.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I'm worried about you, Bobo. Since we left Providence, you've been staying out every night.
:''[Bobo grunts]''
:''[Bobo munching]''
:''[Bobo gulps]''
:'''Bobo:''' That's not the least of your worries. Seen our boy lately?
:''[Dr. Holiday scoffs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex is fine. He just needs time to adjust to our new setting. Rex? It's Holiday. Are you there?
:'''Rex:''' Hey, doc. What up?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Just checking in. Everything okay?
:'''Rex:''' Better than okay. I'm about to set a new land-speed record'
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' That wasn't what I meant. How are you feeling?
:'''Rex:''' Appreciate the concern, but the only thing on my mind right now is the need for speed. Apparently, I'm not alone. I'll call you back. Hey! Slow down! I want to talk to you! Ah. You want to play chicken. Doc? Bobo? I'm getting blitzed by some bikers. Aah!
:'''Rand:''' Might as well give up! I won't quit! I'm a relentless, never-say-die, nonstop-- Uh, hey, wait a minute. Who are you?
:'''Rex:''' Think you could have asked me that before trying to run me down?
:'''Rand:''' Ooh! My fault. I thought you were one of us.
:'''Rex:''' &quot;One of us&quot;? What is this?
:'''Rand:''' Sorry, dude. No time to chat. Peace.
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, like I'm gonna take that for an answer. A street race? Or a demolition derby?
:''[Lance grunts]''
:''[Lance groans]''
:'''Lance:''' Gonna need a bike.
:'''Rex:''' Can't believe you survive that! You must be the luckiest guy on the-- These are nanites.
:''[Lance groans]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Oh, come on!
:'''Six:''' Something wrong?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Prototypes. I prefer tried-and-tested. And I don't even know what we're going to do with half of this stuff.
:'''Bobo:''' You're goin' soft, gettin' worked over by a bunch of goofballs on motorcycles.
:'''Rex:''' They had weapons.
:'''Bobo:''' Last time I checked, so did you.
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, but not while I'm on my bike. I'm strictly one at a time.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' The nanites that have infected his body are slowly poisoning him. I've never seen anything like it.
:'''Rex:''' Do what you can, Doc? I'm gonna go out and look for those racers.
:'''Bobo:''' Sounds dangerous.
:'''Rex:''' Sure, Bobo. You can come, too. The nanites we found on the biker gave off a different energy signature. Gonna use one of Holiday's new toys to try to scan for it. A bunch of them. And they're moving fast.
:'''Bobo:''' Then step on it! Maybe Holiday has a point about prototypes!
:'''Rex:''' Or maybe they're not on the streets. I'll watch the road. You watch the screen.
:'''Bobo:''' Gotta warn you-- Chimps make bad navigators!
:'''Rex:''' Just do it!
:'''Bobo:''' Hmm? Left! You're goin' left! Make a right! Another right!
:'''Rex:''' Which way?
:'''Bobo:''' I don't know! That way-ish! Wah! Like I said-- Monkeys make great navigators! This is your biker gang?
:'''Rex:''' They had weapons before I'm telling you-- They're tough!
:'''Bobo:''' If you say so.
:''[Bobo grunts]''
:'''Bobo:''' Wall.
:''[Bobo and Rex grunts]''
:'''Moss:''' That's some fancy ridin'. You following us, kid?
:'''Rex:''' Still think they don't look tough?
:'''Bobo:''' I take it back.
:'''Moss:''' Who are you, kid? 'Cause whoever you are, you're not bad.
:'''Rand:''' You're awesome! Where'd you learn to ride like that? Anybody with that kind of skill should be with us. Yeah!
:'''Moss:''' What's your secret?
:'''Rex:''' No secret. I'm just built that way.
:'''Lunk:''' Is that guy from TV-- The one who fights EVOs.
:'''Bobo:''' Five bucks for pictures, ten bucks for autographs.
:'''Rand:''' A talking monkey! Outrageous! I gotta have one. Is he for sale?
:'''Bobo:''' Brother, you can't afford me.
:'''Rex:''' You guys seem tight-- For guys who try to kill each other.
:'''Rand:''' We're not killers. We're racers. This is a legitimate sport.
:'''Moss:''' It is what it is. Our races aren't for the weak. Name's Moss. You've met Rand.
:'''Rex:''' He tried to blow me up.
:'''Rand:''' I missed. You're welcome. Come on, don't leave me hangin'.
:'''Moss:''' Never met a celebrity who could ride.
:'''Rex:''' I caught you, didn't I?
:'''Moss:''' But are you tough enough try me?
:'''Rex:''' Try me.
:'''Bobo:''' You gotta fight back?
:'''Rex:''' With what?
:'''Bobo:''' Oh, brother. Fine, leave it to Chimpy. Aah! I'll take that. Phbt!
:'''Rex:''' Something else on the map-- Moving fast! And it's big!
:'''Providence Agent:''' Halt! You kids! Pull over! Now!
:'''Moss:''' Cops!
:'''Bobo:''' Worst than cops-- Providence.
:'''Rex:''' The bikes give off a nanite signature. They must have tracked it.
:'''Providence Agent:''' Rex, what are you doing here?
:'''Rex:''' Research. You don't want to get caught up in this! Back off now! Sorry, guys. Have Black Knight sent me the bill.
:'''Rand:''' Ha! No way! You want to beat me, you gotta step your game up. Aah!
:''[Rand groans]''
:'''Rex:''' Rand!
:'''Bobo:''' Don't stop! Kid's wearing armor. He's fine.
:'''Rex:''' No! Something's wrong!
:''[Rand groans]''
:'''Rex:''' What is this thing? Doc? Get over here quick. We've got another one.
:'''Biker gangs:''' WHOO-HOO-HOO!
:''[Biker gangs laughs]''
:'''Biker gangs:''' Yeah!
:'''Moss:''' We thought you'd bailed on us. Where were you?
:'''Rex:''' Watching a doctor try to save Rand's life.
:'''Moss:''' Racers get sick sometimes. It's part of the life.
:'''Rex:''' Those nanite power sources-- you got to stop using them. To feel one with the road, that rush? So some people get sick. When we're on our rides, nothing else matters.
:'''Rex:''' Your rides are killing you! You're gonna be dead-- All of you! And for what? So you can go a little faster?
:'''Moss:''' We need those things to ride. You know what it's like.
:'''Lunk:''' Please. Don't take our bikes away.
:'''Rex:''' Nobody's going to take your bikes. But I need to know where you got those nanites.
:'''Lunk:''' ''[sighs]'' A guy named Valve. He supplies the superchargers.
:'''Moss:''' You're wasting your time. Valve never talks to anybody.
:'''Rex:''' He'll talk to me.
:'''Bobo:''' Been in a lot of bad biker dives, but this is the worst I've ever seen.
:'''Valve:''' Enter, strangers. The biker will see you now. Please, sit. May I offer you some tea?
:'''Rex:''' I'll pass.
:'''Valve:''' Suit yourself. I find a good cup of tea soothing-- for the body and the soul.
:''[Valve slurps]''
:'''Valve:''' You don't have to tell the biker why you're here. The biker can tell. You wish to buy a supercharger.
:''[Valve slurps]''
:'''Rex:''' Your superchargers are killing people. It's gonna stop.
:''[Valve breathes deeply]''
:'''Valve:''' Hmm. That sounds like a challenge.
:'''Rex:''' Maybe it is. I'll race you for them. If I win, you hand over your entire stockpile.
:'''Valve:''' Shh! Your answer is on the wind.
:'''Rex:''' You're... not right in the head, are you?
:'''Valve:''' When the wind commands, the impossible game must be gamed. The challenge is accepted. We will race for the superchargers. And when the biker wins... It won't matter.
:'''Rex:''' Why is that?
:'''Valve:''' Because you'll be dead. Let the race begin.
:'''Moss:''' This is his own private track. He knows it better than anyone. You can still back out-- Probably.
:'''Rex:''' And let people become poison, like Valve? No. I can take him. Just give me something to hit him with. You guys are walking arsenals. You don't have anything?
:'''Moss:''' You didn't think we'd need 'em today.
:'''Bobo:''' Oh, boy.
:'''Six:''' Message from Holiday. The two sick teens have stabilized, but she's still a ways from finding a cure.
:'''Rex:''' It was the only weapon I could find, okay? Can I borrow the sword?
:'''Six:''' Use your own.
:'''Rex:''' On wheels? It's not gonna happen.
:'''Six:''' What's stopping you?
:'''Rex:''' Well, for one thing, I-- Um, not sure exactly.
:'''Six:''' What have I been teaching you? Focus on what you want and make it happen. No more excuses.
:''[Bobo munching]''
:''[Bobo munching]''
:'''Valve:''' You're lucky. One the very best get a chance at this track.
:'''Rex:''' Then I should fit right in. Rules of the game-- ten laps. Cross the finish line before the biker, and you may have them.
:'''Rex:''' So, is the wind talking to you now?
:'''Valve:''' The wind commands the Biker to destroy you. The Biker is happy to oblige.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Bobo:''' You gonna help him?
:'''Six:''' He's doing fine.
:'''Bobo:''' Are you watchin' the same race I am?
:''[Valve grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' You're in trouble, Rex! No. Keep it together. Keep... it... together. Six said it-- Focus. Focus. Focus!
:''[Valve laughs]''
:'''Valve:''' Oblivion.
:'''Six:''' Like I sad-- He's doing fine.
:'''Rex:''' Double-up! Where have you been all my life?
:''[Valve grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Cute toy. But I like mine better.
:'''Valve:''' Aah!
:'''Rex:''' Was there any doubt?
:'''Bobo:''' Yeah, plenty.
:''[Valve panting]''
:'''Rex:''' We had the deal. Remember?
:'''Valve:''' Like the storm that changes directions on a whim, the biker is changing the deal. 'Cause the biker-- ''[grunts]'' Doesn't like! ''[grunts]'' The biker-- ''[grunts]'' never loses! ''[grunts]'' Unh!
:'''Rex:''' First time for everything. Thank you, Six.
:'''Six:''' It was all you, kid.
:'''Moss:''' Rand!
:'''Biker gangs:''' Oh, Rand! Good to see you!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Completely detoxified. In a couple days, they'll be back to full strength. Those could be useful at the new base.
:'''Moss:''' You can't stop us from riding.
:'''Rex:''' What's stopping you? You can still ride. You just won't be poisoned by nanites. Come on. Race you back to the garage.
:''[Rex rides off]''
:'''Moss:''' ''[Chasing after Rex]'' You heard the man. Hit it!
:'''Six:''' You do realize we just turned a group of reckless teenage boys loose on the city.
:'''Bobo:''' All in a day's work.

===Heroes United, Part 1===
:'''Caesar:''' Now where are you? So it ''is'' you. This is most disturbing.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Ben:''' You know the friend you care about!? Well, I have a cousin, a grandfather, a best friend that I care about!! They don't exist here! I may never see them again! I'm totally alone! So go ahead! Do your worst.
: '''Rex:''' Maybe we can help each other.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' I'm curious how big brother knows about something from a parallel dimension.
: '''Caesar:''' Because I sent it there. In the early days of the Nanite Project, our goal was simple. Construct microscopic machines to cure diseases, grow new cells, regenerate bones. They was a control issue. Some thought a human-machine link was the answer. Others proposed that the machines control themselves. I was in latter cam. I developed the Alpha to control other nanites. To maximize its effectiveness, I had to program Alpha to think for itself. 
:'''Ben:''' Does a low explanation mean something bad on your Earth too?
:'''Rex:''' Yep.
:'''Caesar:''' Alpha developed its own consciousness. It evolved into a unique life-form. It wanted a body, but whatever it built burned out. So when Alpha attempted possessing living this, Alpha had to be eliminated. So I built a dimensional disruptor.
:'''Ben:''' Looks like a Null Void gun. We got some like those back home, too.

===Heroes United, Part 2===
:'''Alpha:''' The nanites in those creatures. They are different, powerful. Your nanites are weak. I have no use for you. Where is the boy?
:'''Holiday:''' His nanites are off limits!!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' My brother!? Look around! He's not here!
:'''Alpha:''' The father is redundant. Now that I found you.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Alpha:''' I cannot merge! What makes you so special, human? Yes. You shelter an Omega.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''White Knight:''' Don't let it get to Rex! If it drains his nanites-!
:'''Diamondhead:''' Game over. I get it.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex''': My most powerful builds came from the Omega nanite. A lot of people are going to get hurt and I can't stop it. What happens when the best you can do just isn't enough?
:'''Ben''': You get an Upgrade.
:'''Rex:''' Weren't you listening? Alpha has the Omega.
:'''Ben:''' I'm not talking about a nanite.
:(''Transforms into Upgrade'')
:'''Rex''':  Hey, what are you- ''[Upgrade merges with Rex]'' Whoa, okay, that feels weird. ''[Upgrade covers Rex's body like a suit]'' Wow, what supposed to happen now? ''[Upgrade's head appears on Rex's left shoulder]'' Uh...don't do that, you freaking me out!
:'''Upgrade''': Build something!
:'''Rex''': ''[Builds a Smack Arm, which is modified by Upgrade]'' Sweet, so what's the plan?
:'''Upgrade''': You build stuff, I make it better. Fight fight fight, we win!
:'''Rex''':  Works for me! ''[Rex builds a Boogie Pack and blasts off]''
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Alpha''': Organics who rely on machines for their power, I don't need. The machines themselves, now those I will have.
===Phantom of the Soap Opera===
:'''Rex Salazar:''' In a world he never chose and barely understands... ''[Rex looks over the countryside from a cliff, jumps and lands in a snow scene]'' One incredibly good looking guy fights for us all. His name...you know it baby...Rex. ''[jumps into a lake scene]'' Forget train wrecks... ''[punches]'' And car wrecks... ''[kicks]'' Nothing brings the pain like this Rex. ''[runs into city scene. EVO walks down street, Rex runs up, jumps, grabs EVO's head and tears it off. Holds it over his head in victory gesture.]''
:'''Actor in costume:''' Yeah, yeah, that's hilarious kid.
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Ah, anytime you want to stop trying to get me fired get back to the tour.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Sorry. Got caught up in the moment.
:'''Actor in costume:''' Ah, dude?
:''[Rex puts head back on the man in EVO costume.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' And on your left, the sound stage where they make the hit TV show Middle School Talent show.
:''[Teen girls on tour squeal and run towards it.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' That's a closed set. ''[Noah pulls on his hair]'' C'mon, this is my first week as a page, I could lose my job!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' I got this. ''[pulls girls back from stage with turbines]'' I just don't get girls, how come they get so... ''[notices something behind Noah, acts all excited]'' Huh hu oh huh... oh El Amor de la Pasion del Amor! Why didn't you tell me EADLPDA was made here?
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Um, probably because I didn't really believe you actually still watch a soap opera.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' It's a telenovela. The actresses are smoking hot. And I don't have cable?...ah c'mon dude don't be a hater. ''[crosses arms]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Whatever. We're not going in there, they get like ten safety violations a week, no one's allowed in accept crew and studio staff.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' You mean like pages? ''[Brushes Noah's shoulder with his hand, smiling. Noah brushes his hand away.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' No way. My boss is a total butt-buster for the rules and she is always watching. ''[makes binocular with his hands]''
:'''Head Page:''' You got that right bub. ''[Rex looks behind him, and jumps away]'' By the way Page, you lose something? ''[has three girls from Noah's tour group tied up in a rope]'' Found these wandering over by Middle School Talent Show. ''[Noah runs over and unties them, rope falls]''
:'''Head Page:''' ''[points to her left eye]'' I got my one good eye on you, Nixon.
:''[On set of telenovela]''
:''[Isabella crying]''
:'''Reymundo:''' Pensabas que yo era tu marido. ¡Pero fue una mentira! Pero la verdad es que soy Reymundo, el hermano diabólico de Reynaldo.
:'''Isabella:''' Yo sé, pero todavía te amo.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' ''[standing by salad bar in cafeteria looking up at TV screen]'' How can anyone say that's not great!
:''[Man in cowboy hat tips his hat to Noah]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Whoa? Celebrities know you?
:''[There are drinks on their trays at this point, then in the next frame there are no drinks on their trays and they go over to get drinks.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' The only one here who knows my name is my boss. I'm just a newb on an internship.
:''[Blond girl puts her hand on Noah's shoulder and reaches across him to get a soda, walks away, looks back and gives him a finger gun.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Yeah right, you just got a finger gun from TV weather lady Summer Sonnenshine.
:'''Noah Nixon:''' It's the page jacket not me, if you put this thing on everyone would think you work here. Still. I gotta admit it's pretty cool.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Y'know, I didn't even know you'd applied for this. But I guess when you jump ahead in time you gotta expect some surprises...OH MY GOSH... ''[drops tray]'' It's Isabella, from El Amor del Pasion del Amor.
:''[Rex throws up his arms, knocks tray into Noah's chest spilling it all over his jacket]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' AHHH!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' I know she's even hotter in real life than she is on the...
:'''Noah Nixon:''' ''[looks down at tray and jacket]'' Ohhhhh...
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Okay, okay don't worry...
:'''Head Page:''' ''[yelling at another page behind Rex]'' You call yourself a page!
:'''Rex:''' Okay worry. ''[puts his fingers together]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' This is a huge violation of the dress code, oh I am so fired!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' No you're not. Come on, move!
:''[They run to a supply closet.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' I've gotta lead another tour in 45 minutes. We can't get to a dry cleaners and back in 45 minutes.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' This is my bad, but I can fix this. ''[Noah panicking, rocking and hyperventilating]'' We just have to calm down and think. Just calm down. ''[Rex points at Noah]'' Noah, calm down!
:''[Rex grabs a bottle of pickles off the shelf, opens the lid and throw contents of jar at Noah's head. A pickle ends up in Noah's mouth, he spits it out.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Not helping. ''[Noah, calm now and not hyperventilating and rocking, wipes pickle juice out of his eyes.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Okay, listen we passed the wardrobe department on the tour, they've gotta have a washer and dryer right?
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Uh... yeah, I guess?
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Alright, good, give me your outfit and stay put, I'll take care of everything else.
:''[Scene change. Sign which says laundry stages commissary.]''
:''[Rex runs towards laundry, passes stage of telenovela. Grins and stops. Looks into open door. Looks down at soiled jacket. Up at stage doorway. Walks away. Runs back and grins bigger. Walks into stage with Noah's jacket on.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Uh...
:'''Isabella:''' Finally! You are here!
:''[Isabella kisses Rex all over his face.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' This is happening, right? I'm not going to wake up and be making out with my pillow again am I?
:'''Isabella:''' Come with me, they want to cancel us you know. That's why the studio puts us here in this place falling apart with all the accidentes.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Soap operas do not get the respect they deserve.
:'''Isabella:''' You are very wise for your age. We don't even go backstage anymore. Too dangerous.
:''[A silhouette of a rat is seen, it squeaks]''
:'''Beatriz:''' Is that our page?
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Uh...
:''[Rex falls]''
:'''Isabella:''' He's mine, I saw him first!
:''[Rex gets up and Isabella grabs him.]''
:'''Isabella:''' He is mine!!!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Hum?
:'''Beatriz:''' Why don't we let him decide?
:'''[Rex is being pulled back and forth]''
:'''Isabella:''' You would like that wouldn't you?
:'''Beatriz:''' Yes I would! Very much.
:'''Isabella:''' Fine.
:''[Girls growl at each other and walk away.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' ''[grinning]'' Did they just cat-fight over me?
:''[The girls come back with lists.]''
:'''Isabella:''' Here is a list of what I need you to do!
:'''Beatriz:''' And here's mine!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' You want me to work on the show?
:'''Beatriz:''' Claro que si, we haven't had a page on set in ages.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' But I'm not ... ''[looks over the girls]'' ...able to think of one reason why I would pass this up.
:''[Screen cuts to Noah looking out the door. He sees the chief page and closes the door quickly, after that, the scene changes back to Rex carrying boxes of water with yogurt on top.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' I got your yogurt, but I couldn't find the water you wanted. So I got these.
:'''Isabella:''' You are dead to me! But I will take this one. ''[takes yogurt]''
:''[Rex stares in shock and drops the boxes full of water.]''
:''[Old man walks in a dressing room, and Reynaldo comes out soon later.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Whoa, it's Reynaldo! Uh, coffee? ''[offers him a mug of coffee]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' Gracias.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Leche?
:'''Reynaldo:''' How dare you! I am lactose intolerant.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Uh, okay, didn't know that. Sugar?
:''[Reynaldo knocks the sugar out of his hand.]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' Real men take their coffee strong and hot. Are you suggesting that I am not a real man?
:''[Rex looks around and the phone rings.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Rex, where are you?
:'''Reynaldo:''' No phone! ''[Reynaldo knocks the phone out of his hand.]'' You will talk to me face to face. Mano a mano! ''[grabs Rex's jacket]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Hey wait what are you... ''[Reynaldo pulls Rex away from table. Stage light falls where Rex was standing]'' ...Oh, thanks!
:''[Everyone runs up to them.]''
:'''Beatriz:''' Not another accidente!
:'''Isabella:''' ''[scared]'' Ay. Dios mio! No!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' It's okay, I'm fine.
:'''Isabella:''' ''[pushes Rex down]'' My jogurt!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' I'd hate to be the guy that has to clean that up... ''[whispers to man though they look at him]'' Oh. ''[Reynaldo hands him the mop.]''
:'''Beatriz:''' If I didn't know better, I'd say that someone was trying to kill us.
:'''Reynaldo:''' Someone is. The head of the studio is trying to kill our soap opera. That's why he put us in this accursed stage, with all these accidentes. But we... ''[another stage light falls and hits his head, he falls to the ground]'' Aahh... Por que? Ay.
:''[Rex looks up and sees a mongoose...runs after it...goes backstage. Sees clowns and a sign saying “Mongo”.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Ugh! Clowns.
:''[The mongoose squeaks.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Lemme guess. You're the one who's been causing all the accidents.
:''[Mongo growls, bears teeth]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Okay, let's say we can wrap this up quietly. Last thing I need is someone wondering why the guy in the page jacket can do this. ''[wraps Mongo up in the whip thing, Mongo gets tiny, escapes, growls]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Guess that explains how you've been able to hide out back here. ''[Mongo pulls lever cannon comes out of floor and fires at Rex. Platform falls Rex dodges. Mongo squeaks]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Can we please do this a little more quietly and with a lot less YOU trying to kill me?
:''[Mongo jumps into the “O” of his name on the sign.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Wait, that's you, isn't it? You just want your job back. I can help you. ''[reaches in and tries to cure him Mongo runs out and traps Rex's hand]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Enough with the booby traps, I'm trying to help you. ''[Mongo sets off another trap]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Uh-oh. [makes big fist, weight on rope swings and hits Rex, makes noise]
:'''Beatriz:''' What's going on back there?
:'''Isabella:''' Where is that page? I am beginning to wonder ...HOW LONG IS IT GOING TO TAKE FOR HIM TO CLEAN UP MY JOGURT!!!!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' ''[Getting thrown around back stage]'' Ouch. ''[gets beat up by mechanical clowns]''
:''[Mongo cuts stars from ceiling they fall and cut Rex's jacket]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Ok, New plan-- First I smash your face, then I cure you.
:''[Mongo knocks over equipment]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' No. ''[grabs equipment, Mongo jumps on his arm, punches him and he falls]'' Oww! Look out!
:''[Actors run from set, Rex falls and smashes set]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Uhh, okay here's the deal—all the accidents you've been having they were caused by an EVO backstage. It used to be a mongoose and now it wants it's old job back. ''[last wall of stage set falls behind him]''
:'''Beatriz:''' What are jou talking about?
:'''Isabella:''' We just saw you ruin our set.
:'''Reynaldo:''' You are trying to destroy this soap opera just like the rest of them! It is true what they say, this sound stage must be cursed for us to have such a horrible page such as you, Senior... ''[looks at name badge]'' Noah Nixon.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Whoa, wait. This isn't Noah's fault.
:''[Three actors gasps]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' ''[tears off his own shirt]'' Now you insult us by talking about yourself in the third person! Somehow we must rebuild and finish our shoot! But as soon as we do, Noah Nixon, I will have you fired!
:''[Workers fixing set, Rex's phone rings.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Rex! Finally. How's the jacket?
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Umm. Well, the good news is you won't notice the stain anymore. Hey uh, by the way, your page training, did it include anything about the creepy backstage in studio B?
:'''Noah Nixon: What? Why are you--
:'''Rex Salazar:''' No reason. I was just thinking, hypothetically, what would happen if I used your jacket to take a quick peek at the telenovela and ended up chasing some killer EVO mongoose? Hypothetically... Uh...Noah?
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Sorry, just trying to figure out how to tell my parents I have no future.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Hey I got this. I hit a little snag. Just keep your pants on.
:'''Noah Nixon:''' ''[sitting the maintenance closet in his underwear]'' Heh!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Sorry, look, you don't have anything to worry about all I have to do is catch the EVO before they finish shooting and clear my... your name.
:'''Noah Nixon:''' You know what? I'm not worried. I am completely resigned to the fact that I am losing my job. ''[Noah hangs up on Rex. Rex hears dial tone.]''
:'''Beatriz:''' ''[to Reynaldo]'' You are bleeding!
:'''Reynaldo:''' What I am is an actor! We must shoot this scene. We cannot let them cancel us! ''[moans and falls on his face crushing a chair]''
:'''Beatriz:''' You cannot go on.
:'''Isabella:''' If only there were someone else here who knows our show, is fluent in Spanish, and will do a scene in which he kisses me.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' I'll do it!!!
:'''Reynaldo:''' You? The one who ruined our set and lied about the EVO? I'd rather die! But then, my life will surely end if the show is canceled, so maybe... But no! It's impossible. But yet, what is more impossible than a dream. Nothing means more than my dream of saving this telenovela!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' So, is that a--
:'''Reynaldo:''' Si. You will be our savior. And then I will have you fired. Accion!
:''[Rex is dressed as Reynaldo. Takes Isabella in his arms and looks deep into her eyes, smiles..then turns away, sees Mongo and gasps. Isabella pulls his face back to her and puckers for a kiss. Mongo squeaks and runs out the door and Rex turns his eyes towards it.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' ''[thinking]'' Okay no kiss, but you're gonna save Noah's job! ''[groans]'' Nope. Doesn't make it any better. ''[Runs out Isabelle runs after him, trips on his wig and falls to the ground gasping, reaching after him]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' ''[makes Rex Ride to chase Mongo down alley. Runs into a set. Falls]'' Where'd you go?
:'''Guy in suit:''' You! Page! Take this script to post, pronto.
:'''Rex Salazar: Hey wait, I'm not--
:'''Guy in suit:''' Oh? You're not going to do it? Are you talking back to me Mr.... Nixon?
:'''Rex Salazar:''' No. Mr. Nixon is not definitely not talking back to whoever you are. ''[takes script, leaves]''
:'''Guy in suit:''' Nixon! ''[Points in the other direction of where Rex was going. Rex goes where he's pointing]''
:''[Rex walks by alley hears Mongo munching garbage, sneaks up, tries to cure it. It escapes, Rex corners it in dead end alley]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Oh you're not so tough when you can't hide, are you? ''[Mongo growls and grows huge]'' Oh so you can do that too. ''[Mongo roars, swipes at Rex with claws]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Hey, watch the jacket. I'm in enough trouble already. ''[Sets down scripts. Big fists. Mongo shrinks to escape. Rex falls to the ground. Mongo gets huge again behind him, tries to stomp on Rex, Rex rolls out of the way, Mongo shrinks and runs away, Rex climbs out of hole in ground breathing heavily and falls to ground.]''
:'''Guy in suit:''' ''[walks up]'' Are you kidding me? You still haven't delivered that script? ''[Rex runs off]''
:'''Guy in suit:''' Nixon! ''[points in other direction, Rex runs that way]''
:''[Mongo jumps off roof grows huge lands on Rex, grabs script.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Hey, gimme that! ''[grabs Mongo with big fist throws him into a stage building]''
:''[Rex looks in the hole into the stage.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Sorry. ''[runs off after Mongo]''
:''[Mongo throws him higher than the roof tops, Rex lands on big feet, Mongo tackles him. Rex lands in front of the post building, grabs remains of script out of Mongo's mouth. Mongo runs away, Rex gathers script remains and hands it to man at post door.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' I think this is for you. ''[runs after Mongo]''
:''[Phone rings]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Did you catch it?
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Not yet, but I delivered a script for you, well, most of it.
:'''Noah Nixon:''' I am so dead.
:'''Lady with clipboard:''' ''[grabs Rex by the collar]'' Noah Nixon, you're right on time for your two p.m. tour. ''[Gives Rex clipboard and keys]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' ''[Driving tram with tourists]'' Uh, there's a building where some TV shows are made and there's another one and oh great there's the giant killer EVO.
:''[Mongo chasing tram, Rex steps on gas. Tram goes sloooow. Mongo attacks tram. Rex lands, catches tourists with big hands, flies off on hoverboard]''
:'''Tourist:''' They had better special effects at my kids' school play.
:''[Back on soap opera stage]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' I need a bigger reaction from you. Bigger!
:''[Rex crashes through ceiling with Mongo hanging on the bottom of his hoverboard, heading towards Isabella.]''
:''[Isabella screams and covers head, Mongo crashes into set]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' Yes! That's it exactly!
:''[Mongo growls]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Be careful or you're gonna get the hand. ''[big fists with right hand. Mongo jumps at him, Rex grins and raises his left hand and cures Mongo. Mongo lays on ground cute and unconscious.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' That's not the hand I meant.
:''[Actors, stunned, applaud]''
:''[Rex picks up Mongo.]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' You are a good page, Noah Nixon.
:''[Mongo wakes up runs around on Rex and perches on his shoulder cutely.]''
:''[At supply closet with Noah, Rex walks in holding torn up jacket]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Oh, my jacket! ''[Cuddles jacket, then holds it up and glares at Rex through the hole in it. Rex grins guiltily.]''
:''[Head Page walks in, Noah hides jacket, then realizes he is in underwear and tries to hide himself behind jacket.]''
:'''Head Page:''' I got a dozen calls from all over the lot about you, Nixon. I don't know what you were thinking. ''[He sits down, sweat runs down his face, he closes his eyes, frowns, runs head away. Head page grabs him and hugs him.]''
:'''Head Page:''' I'm proud of you, kiddo! It took me sixty seven years to make chief page. I bet you'll get the job in half that time. ''[Noah stands up holding jacket in front of him. Rex and Noah look puzzled Head Page walks to door, turns back]''
:'''Head Page:''' Oh and them soap opera fellas, eh, they got a special reward for you. ''[they look at each other with puzzled frowns]''
:''[Telenovela stage, Noah dressed as Reynaldo. Isabella kisses him.]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' And cut! You look differante than you did before, Noah Nixon. ''[Noah looks up at his blond eyebrows and takes off the wig and mustache. Smiles at Reynaldo. Reynaldo looks at him thoughtfully.]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' I can see you've been to makeup. Good you finally look like a real man! ''[Noah smiles.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' [peeking in from backstage, makes a jealous face as Noah is laughing together with the actors.] It's OK, it's OK. You're a good friend, you're a good friend.
:'''Guy in suit:''' You! Quit talking to yourself and get me some coffee! ''[Rex runs off]'' Nixon!
:''[Mongo looking down from rafters]''

===Riddle of the Sphinx===
:'''Egyptian Guide:''' They uncovered the tunnel during routine sewer work. No one has set foot in here in over 3.500 years.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Providence doesn't work the location yet?
:'''Egyptian Guide:''' ''[laughs]'' The antiquities comission does not like this Black Knight. They keep her busy with much paperwork.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' The maze looks like it extends for miles. They do that to keep looters out?
:'''Egyptian Guide:''' Or to keep something in.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Anything that was trapped in here couldn't be alive after all this time.
:'''Egyptian Guide:''' I-I-I must go.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''': Watch out! Bobby traps.
:'''Egyptian Guide:''' That's not what I'm afraid of.
:'''Bobo:''' It's only been a few days since we heard from Holiday.
:'''Six:''' Something's wrong.
:'''Bobo:''' Maybe she wanted a vacation from you clowns. &quot;Something's wrong.&quot;
:''[Bobo grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Providence! She in is trouble.
:'''Six:''' Black Knight. And she has your better half.
:'''Bobo:''' I'm predictin' an awkward situation.
:'''Black Knight:''' Hello, Rex. If you came for your friend, I'll have to disappoint you.
:'''Rex:''' That hairy creep? You can keep the traitor. Hey! My faithful guide, why don't you go away while we discuss business?
:'''Bobo:''' It's me, you dopey tin can! Beat it! Or the boss lady's gonna get wise to our little switcheroo.
:'''Rex:''' What's the campout for?
:'''Black Knight:''' Routine scientific research.
:'''Rex:''' Look, I know Holiday was here. What'd you do with her?
:'''Black Knight:''' We arrived an hour ago. The locals say Holiday unleashed a monster down in the tunnels. The situation's under control. As soon as we've secured the tunnels, I'll send a team in to see if she's still alive.
:'''Rex:''' I'm going with you.
:'''Black Knight:''' You're going nowhere. You quit Providence. Unless you're recosindering?
:'''Rex:''' Come on, guide. Holiday's in those tunnels. But Black Knight has a whole battalion of Providence goons guarding the entrance.
:'''Six:''' I figured she'd be no help. That's why I found someone who knows a back way in.
:'''Egyptian Cooker:''' The Kushari is healthy. For the stomach, good.
:'''Rex:''' Enough about the Kushari! Where's the back entrance?
:'''Egyptian Cooker:''' For so young, you in such a hurry. And old cook like me, I live by selling Kushari. Why not buy some? You buy, I give you more information.
:'''Bobo:''' Ah, come on. Stop bein' so stingy. Buy some more.
:'''Six:''' Where's the back entrance?
:'''Egyptian Cooker:''' The sewer man-- They came to fix a leak. They found the tunnel to the entrance in my basement.
:'''Bobo:''' Mmm!
:'''Rex:''' Way cool! Maybe we'll see some mummies!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Tell us where Holiday is!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Where do you think I am?
:'''Six:''' Holiday!
:'''Bobo:''' So, what's with the halloween get up, doc?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I found it in one of the chambers. Scares off the curious. I need to get to the bottom of all this before Black Knight.
:'''Rex:''' The bottom of what? This is all ancient history?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' You can this ancient history?
:'''Rex:''' That looks like a nanite!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' That's because it is a nanite.
:'''Six:''' How could they have knowledge back then?
:'''Rex:''' Aliens! Like the ones that built the pyramids.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' None of this is more advanced that the 21st century. It's not aliens. I think the answers lie behind this door. But I can't figure out how to open it.
:'''Rex:''' Open the door? No problem, Doc!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Stop! This whole place is booby-trapped. We open this wrong, they'll bring the tunnels down on us.
:'''Rex:''' If there's a wrong way to open it, then that means there's a right way, too. Maybe the nanite picture is a clue. The whole thing is rigged like one. Told you-- No prob. Whoa, mumies.
:'''Bobo:''' What are you lookin' at, beautiful?
:'''Rex:''' Ha! Awesome! I'd love to see the look on Knight's face when she finds out we've beat her here.
:'''Black Knight:''' Then let me step a little closer so you can see.
:'''Six:''' How'd you find us?
:'''Black Knight:''' Your mole helped me.
:'''Bobo:''' Sorry, pal.
:'''Black Knight:''' I should have known better. It's old junk from the dead.
:''[Black Knight gasps]''
:'''Guranset:''' Gharun Set is not dead.
:'''Rex:''' Put her down!
:'''Black Knight:''' This isn't the time for violence. Our host has forgotten his manners. I presume he hasn't had guests in a long time.
:'''Guranset:''' Almost an eternity. Gharun Set said has waited for his release. Awaken this cursed prison through the ages.
:'''Black Knight:''' You speak English. That is interesting. Who taught your own language, Gharun Set?
:'''Guranset:''' I was taught by the great father.
:'''Black Knight:''' Father? What did he look me?
:'''Guranset:''' He is dead-- As all of you soon shall be!
:'''Black Knight:''' Now's the time for violence.
:'''Guranset:''' Aah!
:'''Black Knight:''' A nanite disrupter. Something I had your brother's lab whip up. It's quite lethal.
:'''Rex:''' Looks like the lab forgot to tell him that.
:'''Guranset:''' The boy controls the engines of life? It can't be. I laid low the armies of six kingdoms, swordsman. You think your tiny blades can stop me?
:'''Rex:''' Try this one for size!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex!
:'''Rex:''' Huh?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' His staff is a nanite disrupter. Get it away from him.
:'''Rex:''' Easier said than done!
:'''Guranset:''' Haah!
:'''Rex:''' Oh, mummies!
:'''Bobo:''' Yeah, yeah, you got your mummies. I hope you're happy!
:'''Six:''' Rex! We can handle this! He's getting away!
:'''Guranset:''' One last trap to keep me imprisoned, father. Nothing will keep me from my destiny! You serve his plan, child, and don't even know it.
:'''Rex:''' Everybody talk weird in ancient Egypt, or it is just your special thing? Uh... are they supposed to do that?
:''[Rex sighs]''
:'''Guranset:''' Finally! I am free!
:'''Six:''' These EVO's won't say dead.
:'''Bobo:''' Their breath stinks, too! Ah, boy!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' You could thank me for saving your life.
:'''Black Knight:''' Dr. Holiday, our lives are not safe yet.
:'''Guranset:''' I am not alone. Together, we shall reconquer this land, and then.. the world!
:'''Rex:''' Uh, I think the sun's baked him loopy. You can't reanimate that. It's a statue.
:'''Guranset:''' This is not statue, child. It is a tomb. Arise, my mighty steed. Arise, my sphinx!
:'''Rex:''' Providence, this is Rex. You may want to evacuate Cairo.
:'''Guranset:''' This city is a blight upon my kingdom. All shall be as it once was.
:'''Rex:''' I'm warning you, Gharun Set-- I don't want to have to get rough with you. Step off the pussycat.
:'''Guranset:''' You presume to tell a pharaoph what to do. Be gone!
:'''Six:''' Holiday. There's something I want to tell you before it's too late.
:'''Bobo:''' Ugh. Hold still! Oh, no.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' All of them. Like the nanites keeping them alive... self-destructed? I'm sorry. What were you going to say?
:'''Six:''' Holiday... I, uh...
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Hold that thought.
:'''Bobo:''' What's it gonna be, the kooky chicks or we go help Rex save the world?
:'''Six:''' Rex probably has this under control. Holiday needs my-- our help.
:'''Bobo:''' Yeah, I can't resist a good catfight either.
:'''Rex:''' Let me handle! This it's too dangerous!
:'''Pilot:''' Black Knight, target sighted. It's riding a 50-foot-tall house cat. Please advise.
:'''Black Knight:''' Do not harm. Contain and capture. We need that specimen.
:''[Black Knight gasps]''
:'''Black Knight:''' Pilot disregard. Last order. Target no longer needed. Destroy. Repeat-- Destroy.
:'''Pilot:''' You're with the lady. Lock and load.
:'''Rex:''' Huh? Whoa! Get out of here! I don't know what he's up to, but it's not good.
:'''Garunset:''' Behold the majesty of my dream. My kingdom! My paradise!
:'''Rex:''' Whoa!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' What is this place?
:'''Black Knight:''' It's the stuff of legends. The fabled hall of records which lay hidden beneath where the sphinx once was.
:'''Bobo:''' &quot;Was&quot;?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' This can't be! That's the helix splitter. And that looks like a nano-flux inducer. Caesar built the first prototype of one last year.
:'''Black Knight:''' I can't let you touch any of this. It's too unstable with age. When you blundered in the tomb, you set off a safeguard. Someone thought this room too dangerous for the world to know about.
:'''Bobo:''' Agreed. Let's scram!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' We can't! Don't you know what this means to science? The knowledge in here is invaluable. It cannot be lost-- Again!
:'''Black Knight:''' It won't be! Now that we know where it is, we can dig it out later. We will study it. I promise you that.
:'''Six''': Holiday. Let it go.
:'''Guranset''': As father promised-- I will rule forever.
:'''Rex''': Forever is gonna be shorter than you think.
:'''Guranset''': No! Nooooo!
:'''Rex''': Aw, come on! I didn't hit you that hard!
:''[Guranset gasps]''
:'''Rex''': What's happening to you?
:''[Guranset gasps]''
:'''Guranset''': Aaaaaaaaah!
:''[Guranset grunts]''
:'''Guranset''': Do not touch your pharaoh.
:'''Rex''': You need help. Your nanites are dying of old age-- I think. It's like starting an old car. Uh, o-or a camel. Let me help you. I can fix your nanites, and then maybe--
:'''Guranset''': Lies!
:'''Rex''': You're in a strange time, a strange place. We have science, machines. We can help you. Trust us.
:'''Guranset''': Like you trust the woman you call Black Knight? I see now this is a world of lies. You and I have no place in it. Father told me of you... Rex.
:'''Rex:''' What? How do you know my--
:'''Guranset''': I would have helped the world. Ended the hunger, the wars. But now he will return. Avenge me. ''[Echoing]'' I see now this is a world of lies. You and I have no place in it.
&lt;hr width80/&gt;
:'''Black Knight:''' You wanted something?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' The hall of records-- You can't keep it a secret. It must be studied. That hall--
:'''Black Knight:''' What hall?
:'''Rex:''' Why'd you do that?! Holiday said--
:'''Black Knight:''' Some secrets are best left buried under the sands, Rex.
:''[Dr. Holiday grunts]''
:'''Black Knight:''' Gentleman. Dr. Holiday.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Six, what'd you want to tell me back in the tomb?
:'''Six:''' It can wait.
:'''Rex:''' Don't wait too long.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' All those priceless artifacts. And we still don't know who created Gharun Set.

===Guy vs. Guy===
:'''Rex:''' This means war.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;

===Double Vision===
: ''[The episode starts as a butterfly flies through plants in a flower shop. Suddenly, Rex is thrown into the shop window, making nearby civilians run away. Rex gets up and looks out of the broken glass, seeing a beastly plant EVO, a few people watching, and Agent Six slashing his swords around to evade the EVO's tentacles.]''
: '''Rex:''' ''[Pants and brushes leaves off his sleeve and puts on goggles.]'' Not bad!
: ''[Uses the Punk Busters to jump out of the shop and generates his Smack Hands to uppercut the EVO, causing it to crash into a nearby building.]'' But I'm better!
: ''[The EVO gets out of the glass windows and roars, attacking Agent Six.]''
: '''Agent Six:'''	''[Cuts off a tentacle and walks towards Rex.]'' Talk is cheap, Rex. Prove it.
: '''Rex:''' ''[Generating the Smack Hands.]'' No problemo.
: ''[The EVO rushes towards Rex, unfortunately, Rex grabs it and slams it onto the ground. A random girl is driving up the road on a moped. However, she is stopped as the EVO blocks the path.]''
: '''Rex:''' ''[Putting his hands up to assure the girl.]'' Nothing to worry about, I've got this handled. ''[Turns to EVO, whom is still on the floor.]'' Okay big guy, say adiós to those nasty nanites.
: '''Rex:''' ''[Rex kneels down to cure the EVO, flowers spout out of the EVO]'' Aw, for me? Does this mean we're dating?
: ''[Suddenly, the flowers shoot out some goo into Rex's face, making him slam onto the floor, a crowd forms around the battle.]''
: '''Rex:''' ''[Yelps while getting up and pulls his goggles off and wipes the goo off his face.]'' Oh, that's better. ''[He gives his goggles to the random female on the moped]'' Hey! Watch these for me. ''[Runs back into battle and generates the Punk Busters and kicks the blacked out EVO over a building.]'' Goal! Hey thanks for holding onto my...huh?...
: ''[Rex turns around to see the girl missing from the crowd. Deforming his Punk Busters, he spots the girl riding away on her moped. She turns to look back at Rex, appearing to have on his goggles.]''
: '''Rex:''' Goggles!
: ''[Rex puts one of his hands up to signal for her to wait, but the EVO returns and wraps its tentacle around Rex's neck. The EVO twists Rex in mid-air in the sky for a minute before slamming him onto the cement. Rex gets up and sees the goggle girl riding away out of sight.]''
: '''Rex:''' Hey! You've got my...ungh...goggles... Aah! Ungh! Did you see that girl?! She stole my goggles!
: '''Agent Six:''' Priorities, Rex.
: '''Rex:''' They are my priority, Six. I can pound EVOs any day. Those goggles are-- Ah, great. Who invited her?
: '''Black Knight:''' Stand down, gentlemen. We've got this covered.
: '''Rex:''' We don't need any help. Whoa! Whoa! Ungh!
: '''Black Knight:''' Obviously. Control collar-- Now. We'll take it from here.
: '''Rex:''' Take it from whe-e-re?! I've already got this under contro-o-o-o-l! Whoa! Ugh! Let me try to cure it.
: '''Black Knight:''' The new Providence protocol is to confine, constrain and control. If curing is an option, it will be considered-- At my discretion.
: '''Rex:''' Control? I can cure it now and end this.
: '''Black Knight:''' The offer still stands. If you want to come back to Providence, you can continue your mission.
: '''Rex:''' I have my mission!
: '''Black Knight:''' Curing every EVO on Earth isn't a mission, Rex. It's an impossibility.
: '''Rex:''' Watch me.
: '''Black Knight:''' Everybody back! Contain those seedlings!
: '''Rex:''' You just made it worse! Now I've got to clean up your mess. Starting with this guy. See? Fearing works!
: '''Black Knight:''' It was your actions that exacerbated this situation. I want full containment and control over those seedlings. Move out-- Now.
: '''Agent Six:''' While you were arguing, Holiday found another sprout. Let's go deal with that before Providence does.
: '''Rex:''' But-- My goggles!
: '''Agent Six:''' Focus, Rex. We've got work to do.
: '''Rex:''' Nice work!
: '''Agent Six:''' Drop in the bucket. Look below.
: '''Rex:''' Wow. And I thought I'd be able to knock off early today.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' On the contrary, Rex. By overlaying current worldwide wind patterns on top of international population centers, we're looking at total global infestation within thirty-eight hours.
: '''Bobo:''' Ooh, that's a lot of roughage.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' I need to get in the field and obtain some live samples. Bobo and I will meet you at the rendezvous point in the mobile command center.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, doc. We're almost there. Hey! It's that girl! Wh-o-o-o-oa!
: '''Agent Six:''' What's gotten into you, Rex?
: '''Rex:''' My goggles-- I can't see without them!
: '''Agent Six:''' Obviously, you can see without them.
: '''Rex:''' Well, yeah, but I really need them a lot of the time. Don't you remember when I first got them?
: '''Agent Six:''' Actually, no.
: '''Rex:''' Oh. Sorry. My bad. It was early on, when I was just learning to control my powers. Whoa!
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Rex:''' Aaaah! Aah! Aaaaah! Oof!
: '''Agent Six:''' Horse manure.
: '''Rex:''' This is exactly why I need my goggles! Hey! I thought this thing was just a sprout!
: '''Agent Six:''' It's the nature of plants to grow.
: '''Rex:''' Hm. Very Zen of you, Six. Well, it's the nature of me to kick EVO butt! Whoa! Oof! Yuck! This stuff really stinks!
: '''Agent Six:''' All yours.
: '''Rex:''' Ta-da! And for my next trick... Oh, and look who's late to the party.
: '''Black Knight:''' ''[Entering]'' Alpha team, I want you to lay down suppressive fire and--
: ''[Realizing the EVOs not there]''
: '''Black Knight:''' Belay that. Sit Ops, I was told we had a Class-Three EVO situation here. Where is the EVO?
: '''Rex:''' ''[Rex hands her flowers]'' Sorry. This is all that's left. Six, are we good here? I've got to run.
: '''Agent Six:''' I'd put those in water.
: '''Black Knight:''' Unh!
: '''Rex:''' Slow down! I just want to-- Ungh!
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Rex:''' Huh? What?! No way! Hey! You've got my-- Ugh! Whoa! ...Goggles.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' You've got bigger problems than a girl on a scooter, Rex. First a flower shop, then gardening supplies. It's getting hungrier. Gentlemen, I suggest you get to the sewage-treatment plant as quickly as possible.
: '''Rex:''' Huh? Why?
: '''Agent Six:''' Fertilizer, Rex, as in if those sprouts chow down on that much raw nourishment, we're in some deep...
: ''[Plant EVO bursts through a nearby wall]''
: '''Rex:''' ...Horse maneure. Hungry? Eat this!
: '''Agent Six:''' Holiday, get to the sewage plant. We'll meet you there after we clean up.
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Clean up? I'd rather make a mess! Shoulda brought my chainsaw.
: '''Agent Six:''' Shoot the seedlings!
: '''Rex:''' Huh? Okay, this time I'm going to--
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Hey! Wait! Aw, man! Back off!
: ''[Rex panting]''
: '''Bobo:''' You went a little nuts there, buddy. I like it! But... Goggles?
: '''Rex:''' That EVO interrupted before I could finish the story.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Agent Six:''' Here, kid. Try these on.
: '''Rex:''' Um, so I can look like a total doofus?
: '''Agent Six:''' You have no idea how unique these goggles are, Rex. A reclusive weaponsmith in Zurich crafted this single pair before he turned EVO.
: '''Rex:''' Really? And then what happened to him?
: '''Agent Six:''' I did. He won't be crafting any more goggles.
: '''Rex:''' Cool!
: '''Agent Six:''' These are one-of-a-kind, Rex-- Special, for you.
: '''Bobo:''' What a bunch of chimp chips! Those goggles are-- Whoa!
: '''Rex:''' Wow. That is a lot of rampaging EVO.
: '''Bobo:''' Yeah. Lucky holiday-- She's right in the thick of it.
: '''Rex:''' Lucky?
: '''Bobo:''' She gets to try out all the special modifications I made to that sweet ride.
: ''[Dr. Holiday grunts]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[Plant EVO has Holiday trapped inside the Mobile Command Center]'' Okay. Let's see how you like 10,000 volts of--
: ''[Holiday presses a button, and music starts playing]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Bobo's mix tape?! Who puts the stereo next to the weapons system?! One more time-- Big red button. Always go for the big red button. Unless you don't want to drain the batteries to zero.
: ''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Bobo, your improvements could use some improvements. Rex, if you're not too busy, I'd appreciate a little assistance.
: '''Bobo:''' Hey, ain't that your girlfriend?
: '''Agent Six:''' She can take care of herself, right, Rex?
: '''Rex:''' Right-- For now.
: ''[Dr. Holiday gasps]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' That's more like it. Ungh! Fine! Let's see how you like this! I don't know what you just did, Rex, but thanks. Rex?
: '''Black Knight:''' I admit our last encounter didn't end well, but I think we need to work together on this one.
: '''Rex:''' You want to work together? We left Providence, remember?
: '''Black Knight:''' Rex--
: '''Rex:''' What happened to &quot;stay out of my way&quot;?
: '''Black Knight:''' Rex!
: '''Rex:''' So now when you need somebody to take out your trash, you can just forget that I quit your crummy organization?
: '''Black Knight:''' Yes, Rex, I can, because I don't let my emotions guide my choices. I only want what's best for Providence-- And the world.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, cool. Just wanted to hear you say it. Aah!
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, the EVO is too big to cure without getting to its core.
: '''Rex:''' Yeah, well, I'm not doing much good out here!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' All those vines, the seedlings, everything-- They're just puppets to the plant. Stop those nanites in the core, and you cut the strings.
: '''Rex:''' On it! Huh?!
: '''Agent Six:''' Watch it, Rex.
: '''Rex:''' Whoa! All I want are my goggles. All I've wanted all day are my goggles, and this EVOs been blocking me over and over! Hey, Bobo, you know how to shoot one of these?
: '''Bobo:''' Eh, how hard could it be?
: '''Rex:''' Load me into this thing and point it right at that EVO's sweet spot. And hurry. I got better stuff to do.
: '''Bobo:''' You do know that's 30,000 gallons of raw sewage you're aimin' at?
: '''Rex:''' Don't remind me. Oh... Yuck! Yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck!
: '''Agent Six:''' Elegant solution, Rex.
: '''Bobo:''' You don't smell elegant. You stink worse than me. I'm a little jealous.
: '''Black Knight:''' All right, Rex. Get to work.
: '''Rex:''' Work? What do you mean? I just served that vegetable!
: '''Black Knight:''' You cut the strings, but you still have to fix the puppets.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' She's right, Rex.
: '''Black Knight:''' You want to cure the world? Start curing.
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Rex:''' Whoa, man, I'm beat! I don't think I can move another inch if you paid me.
: ''[Goggle girl rides past him]''
: '''Rex:''' Gotta move! See ya! Hey! Stop for a second! Six, I'm really starting to think this girl's got some kind of EVO action going on-- Teleporter, speedster, something.
: '''Goggle girl:''' Hey!
: '''Rex:''' Huh? Six, she's not just a teleporter. She can make doubles of herself-- Multiple abilities! She's an EVO, like me!
: '''Goggle girl:''' It's the skeevy guy who's been chasing me. He was chasing me, too. And me. What do you want?
: '''Rex:''' You took my goggles! I want them back!
: '''Goggle girl:''' Hey, Einstein, did you see our logo? That stands for &quot;Goggle Girl&quot;, as in the delivery service. You haven't ever heard of us?
: '''Rex:''' Um... No.
: '''Goggle girl:''' &quot;Nothing is cuter than a girl on a scooter.&quot; Kind of hard to miss.
: ''[Goggle girl groans]''
: '''Goggle girl:''' It's the worst slogan ever.
: '''Rex:''' But-- But my goggles!
: '''Goggle girl:''' Part of our costume. The boss buys them in bulk, along with these cheesy wigs he makes us wear. It's kind of lame.
: '''Rex:''' In bulk?! Those goggles?! But... They're one-of-a-kind! They're special! They're-- They're... I'll just go now. Nope. Nope. Definitely not.
: '''Agent Six:''' I still don't know why those goggles were so important to you.
: '''Rex:''' You gave to me, Six. It was the first present, the first nice thing that I remember getting since you found me. You said they were special, and that made me feel special.
: '''Six:''' Yes, about those goggles... Apparently, according to Bobo, I may have misled you. There was dozens of them in the Providence service bay.
: '''Rex:''' I knew the story was fake, but you told it because you cared about me. That's what made them special.
: '''Agent Six:''' I see.
: '''Bobo:''' Hey, champ. You got a package.
: '''Goggle girl:''' Sign, please.
: '''Agent Six:''' It's for you. From us. Just open it.
: '''Rex:''' My goggles!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Better. We commissioned an enhanced version.
: '''Rex:''' Cool! Infrared... Microscopic... Nanovision?! Thanks, you guys. You really are one-of-a-kind.
: '''Bobo:''' Those are great, but these are me.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' I just need to hold on to them for a few more hours while I run a full diagnostic.
: '''Rex:''' A few hours?! I just got them! Aw!
: '''Bobo:''' Here-- Because I care.
: '''Goggle girl:''' They actually look kinda cute.
: '''Rex:''' Hey, doc! No rush!
: '''Bobo:''' Ain't love grand?

===Black and White===
: '''Calan:''' Be advised, we've got activity. Major activity. Stop right there, or we'll shoot! Don't make me do it.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, I know what you're thinking, but this is totally not what it looks like.
: '''Calan:''' Calan to command, tell Black Knight-- We have apprehended the intruders. Repeat, we got'em.
: '''Rex:''' No! Get out of my head! Stop it! Stop! Stop with the talking! A dream. Oh, thank you! For a second, I swore that I heard his voice. It was almost like he was in the-- Room. Huh?!
: '''White Knight:''' I was wondering if I was gonna have to send the monkey in with a bucket of water. But I thought, &quot;why should he have all the fun?&quot; Five minutes-- Situation room. Consider this your wake-up call.
: '''Rex:''' Aren't you supposed to be playing dead? You're lucky Black Knight doesn't know you're here.
: '''White Knight:''' Black Knight thinks what I want her to think. With the installation of the new regime, I suspected that there was more going on at providence than just this new control protocol. I decided to test my hypothesis. I needed time to operate freely without prying eyes. So I went off the grid.
: '''Rex:''' And from the smell of it, you haven't changed out of your suit since then.
: ''[Bobo sniffs]''
: '''White Knight:''' I've been busy. I've been tracking their operations. They involve familiar locales and even more familiar machinery.
: '''Rex:''' You still use a camera with film? Do they even make that stuff anymore?
: '''White Knight:''' What they don't make are machines like these. This is the wreckage of Rylander's lab.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Are they doing what I think they're doing?
: '''Rex:''' Do what?
: '''White Knight:''' It appears that this new Providence is restarting the nanite program.
: '''Rex:''' There is no way my brother would help restart something that nearly destroyed the world. There's got to be a good explanation. We should just ask him.
: '''White Knight:''' We can't risk direct contact. We need to infiltrate Providence, download her computer banks, and assess how far along they are before we take any other actions.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Over there.
: '''Rex:''' Just saying there's more here than meets the eye. Whoa!
: '''Six:''' Breaking into Providence? That's a big move, even for you. Black Knight is sure to have enhanced the security systems. We may be able to breach the perimeter defenses, but once inside, we'd be blind targets.
: '''White Knight:''' You'd be right if we were playing on her board.
: '''Six:''' Forgive me for doubting you.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, is someone gonna tell me what these are for? This is so not going to work.
: '''Six:''' Trust the plan.
: '''Rex:''' Huh? Okay, so, maybe they worked. But how'd you get them to do it on cue?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' All a matter of timing. Assuming we get past the outer perimeter, securing the data is a completely different story. Providence encrypts all data. We need to disable multiple units before we can download anything off the mainframe. Doing that undetected is ''[sighs]'' insane.
: '''Rex:''' Finally, a voice of reason. I'm calling my brother. Took the lady with three phds to realize what I've been saying all along is right. Hey, that costs money! I'm over my minutes!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' How did you... This is...
: '''Six:''' Doable.
: '''Rex:''' Do what? What is that? A secret passage.
: '''White Knight:''' When they built the tower, I had them install, these-- Upper-management corridors.
: '''Six:''' In the old days, they called passages like these the king's road.
: '''White Knight:''' From here, we face some unknowns. Stick to the plan. Or we could die.
: '''Rex:''' What?! Me?! What about you?! Part of the plan was to do this quietly.
: '''Calan:''' Stop right there, or we'll shoot!
: ''[Dr. Holiday gasps]''
: '''Rex:''' Here we go. Ok, I know what you're thinking, but this is totally not what it looks like.
: '''White Knight:''' Stand down, Rex.
: ''[Calan laughs]''
: '''Calan:''' Welcome back, sir. We've been waiting for you.
: '''Rex:''' Que, huh?
: '''Calan:''' Sorry for the scare, Rex. We couldn't guarantee the Black Knight wasn't taper our communications. It was best to keep radio silence. In any case-- Say hello to your man on the inside. He've got a bomb! All units, fall back, fall back! Captain Calan, do you copy? Report.
: '''White Knight:''' Ready for a repeate performance?
: '''Calan:''' Ready when you are, sir. Good luck, everyone. They're headed for the... petting zoo.
: '''Holiday:''' Here it is. Just like he said.
: '''White Knight:''' This is the Hive. The central nervous system of the entire complex. An electric field protects the inner chambers. We'll need the circuit bandage.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' I've got an idea, but you'll have to go in partially naked. We've got eyes everywhere.
: '''Six:''' Good. Knight and I will handle the encryption towers. You know what to do with this.
: '''Rex:''' No sweat. I'm on it. Just have to make one quick detour. Bro? You in here? Oh, no. No, no, no!
: '''Caesar:''' Rex, is that you? What brings you here?
: ''[Six groans]''
: '''Six:''' Partially naked. Tower one clear. Proceed to next phase.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Got it. Redirecting the data flow now.
: '''Calan:''' Anyone hear for the monkey?
: '''Rex:''' Huh?!
: '''Bobo:''' Offical pet desk. Keep your distance.
: '''Rex:''' Is that Dr. Rylander?
: '''Caesar:''' It is. Well, almost. After you brought back Van Kleiss, I couldn't help but to wonder if perhaps I might do the same for him. Unfortunately, Van Kleiss was already great in tune the nanites. As you can see, Dr. Rylander-- wasn't.
: '''Rex:''' Ok, whatever. Listen, I'm here on a secret mission.
: '''Caesar:''' Secret? 
: '''Rex:''' White Knight said--
: '''Caesar:''' White Knight is alive?
: '''Rex:''' If you can call him that. Anyway, he says... you might wanna sit down for this part? That Black Knight is restarting the nanite program. Don't you think that's messed up?
: '''Caesar:''' On the contrary. I'm in charge of it.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Commencing download in T-2 minutes. White Knight has infiltrated sector three. You're right. They are monitoring our movements. How did you know?
: '''White Knight:''' It's what I would do. Now start evac protocols.
: '''Black Knight:''' I've torn this facility apart looking for that? When I found it, I still couldn't get to it. Bio-feed security system-- Clever. You have to be nanite-free to open it. I guessed you weren't dead. I knew if I let enough info leak about what we're doing here, you've showed up, eventually. I'll take it.
: '''White Knight:''' You can try.
: '''Black Knight:''' What ever you say. You were the boss.
: '''White Knight:''' That's not a providence toy.
: '''Black Knight:''' A woman is entitled her secrets. Especially when those secrets keep me alive.
: ''[Black Knight grunts]''
: '''White Knight:''' Ohh! What I could've done with you if I hired you first.
: '''Black Knight:''' Don't fool yourself, White.
: '''White Knight:''' Ohh, ohh, ohh!
: '''Black Knight:''' You were bandage at best. the Consortium knew that you weren't the leader for the future. Stand down, old man!
: '''White Knight:''' I've got a few secrets of my own, kid. After all, this was my office. Consortium or not, it will be again.
: '''Black Knight:''' Ugh!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Be advised, they're on to us. Making for the rendezvous.
: '''Six:''' I'll take my swords back now. Please.
: '''Rex:''' What are you doing, helping Black Knight? She's obviously the more psycho of the two knights.
: '''Caesar:''' I'm not helping the Black Knight do anything. I'm trying to fix things. The day everything changed. We never imagined what would happen when we released the nanites.
: '''Rex:''' Release them?! You caused the nanite event?!
: '''Caesar:''' It was the only way we were going to save the world.
: '''Rex:''' You unleashed the worst man-made disaster the world has ever seen!! You've ruined countless lives!! How can you say that you saved anything?!
: '''Caesar:''' You weren't there... not in any way that mattered! If we hadn't--
: '''Rex:''' Hold that thought. Here, doggy, doggy.
: '''Six:''' Excessive?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Sweet, actually. Now you're overdoing it.
: '''White Knight:''' ''[panting]'' Are we finished here? ''[screams]'' Careful, Black. Your council wouldn't be too pleased if you destroyed the very thing you're after.
: '''Black Knight:''' If doesn't have to be like this, White! The Consortium may have lost faith in you, but you know my methods are right. Come back. Under my protection, who knows? There may even be a promotion in it for you.
: '''White Knight:''' You would turn on your own masters?
: '''Black Knight:''' For that kind of power, wouldn't you?
: '''White Knight:''' You would turn on your own masters?
: '''Black Knight:''' For that kind of power, wouldn't you?
: '''White Knight:''' I am going to stop the Consortium. If you or Providence gets in my way, this tape goes public.
: '''Black Knight:''' Wait!
: '''Caesar:''' Rex, stop! You're destroying my work!
: '''Rex:''' Your work is done! And so are we! I got it. Time to blow this--
: '''Black Knight:''' Stand down, Rex. Face it, kiddo... today is not your day.
: '''Rex:''' Actually, today's wednesday, and wednesday means fiesta night at the cafeteria. Getting in is going to be cake... very dangerous cake. Any bright ideas on how we're getting out?
: '''Bobo:''' I got one word for you, kid-- Plumbing.
: '''Rex:''' I got it. Time to blow this...
: '''Bobo:''' Taco stand.
: '''White Knight:''' Aah!
: '''Bobo:''' Me and Van Gogh, unappreciated in our time.
: '''Rex:''' All of that-- Was for that?! I got nanites, billions of 'em.
: '''White Knight:''' Not like this one, Rex. This is a Meta Nanite. One of several. Hardwired into its design is a program for the original Dominion Code.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Dominion Code? I thought that was a myth.
: '''White Knight:''' I can assure you, doctor, it is very real. Each one gives its host control over different building blocks of the universe- matter, antimatter, elemental, space, time, reality. With the complete code, you can control them. And through them, you control ''everything''. In sort, it's the God Code.
: '''Rex:''' The Consortium want to be...gods?
: '''White Knight:''' If it wasn't for the original Nanite Event scattering the Metas across the globe, they may have already succeeded. The situation has changed, people. Black Knight has been searching the globe for the other Meta-Nanites. She needs them all to complete the Master Program. As long as we're keeping her secret, she'll hold off. But sooner or later, she'll be coming for this with the full power of Providence and the Consortium at her back. So... if you want to move on, forget what I've told you.
: '''Rex:''' You're not getting rid of us that easily, old man. My parents died for this. Black Knight wants war, war she gets.

===Deadzone===
: '''Holiday:''' &quot;You cannot let him out of your sight, Rex. Don't you see why Black Knight wants him? He's the ultimate insurance against any E.V.O.&quot;
: '''Rex:''' &quot;Not just any. Me.&quot;
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Black Knight:''' &quot;Since the search for Feakins is going nowhere, we have no choice but to become much more aggressive with Rex.&quot;

===Assault on Abysus===
: '''Diane Farrah:''' Through research and hard work, Providence has turned the curse of the EVO into a blessing. One that will serve mankind. Science and compassion have created a new future for all EVOs. A future filled with happiness and hope.
: '''Black Pawn:''' You? Seen some EVOs pass through here?
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
*Rex and Circe finally admit their true feelings for one another. Unfortunately, there was not enough episodes to explore their romance further.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: ''[Somewhere in [[w:Hong Kong|Hong Kong, China]]'']''
: '''Circe:''' Okay. They're gone.
: '''Skywwd:''' For now. Get out of here, Circe. Run!
: '''Circe:''' I'm not leaving you guys.
: '''Skywwd:''' You can pass as human. Go before Providence gets you too! 
: '''Black Pawn:''' The girl! She's with them!
: '''Skwwyd:''' Run!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' What's up?
: '''Circe:''' You're the only person I could turn to.
: '''Rex:''' Circe?
: '''Circe:''' I don't know. That's the hardest part.
: '''Rex:''' You did what you had to do.
: '''Circe:''' I left them there, Rex. Our friends. Providence has to be stopped. Someone needs to do something.
: '''Rex:''' ''[puts his arms around Circe to comfort her]'' We are.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Am I disturbing you two?
: '''Rex:''' No.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' White Knight wants to talk with you.
: '''Rex:''' Ugh. What's he gonna yell at me for this time?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' No, I meant Circe. He wants to talk to her.
: '''Circe:''' Providence has been hunting these down, too?
: '''White Knight:''' You didn't tell her about them, Rex?
: '''Rex:''' I thought the Master Control Nanites were supposed to be top secret.
: '''White Knight:''' She has to know if she's going to lead the mission.
: '''Rex:''' Her? That was supposed to be my mission.
: '''White Knight:''' It's no one's mission. It's about getting the job done.
: '''Circe:''' Why me?
: '''White Knight:''' Intelligence indicates that Providence has targeted a Master Control Nanite in Abysus. In Van Kleiss' old castle, to be more precise. You're the only one with the knowledge to get us in there.
: '''Rex:''' I've been there before. How hard could it be? Circe, you don't have to.
: '''Circe:''' If it helps stop Black Knight in Providence, I'm in.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, Doc. We made it. The new power suit gave me more range, just like you said.
: '''Circe:''' Thanks, Banak. We're trying to keep a low profile. Don't tell anyone, okay?
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' Look, this can't be easy coming back here. I owe you.
: '''Circe:''' Forget it. We're even. I used you in the past, now you and your friends are using me.
: '''Rex:''' Is there a sort of problem between us?
: '''Circe:''' There's nothing between us, just the mission. I don't have good memories of this place. Lets just leave it at that, okay?
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' I have a plan. Lead them back.
: '''Circe:''' ''[concerned]'' Rex?
: '''Rex:''' When I say &quot;roll,&quot; roll.
: '''Circe:''' What?
: '''Rex:''' Roll!! Circe, sing. 
: ''[Circe uses her ultrasonic blasts on the EVOs and beams at Rex.]''
: '''Rex:''' We always made a good team.
: '''Circe:''' It won't hold them for long.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' Go. I'll get the Master-Control Nanite. ''[Notices how worried Circe is about him probably not returning]'' This isn't Hong Kong. I'll be OK. I'll meet up with you soon.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Biowulf:''' They're turned out own people against us.
: '''Circe:''' Let me see what I can do. (''Uses her ultrasonic bursts on several collared E.V.O.S''). So many.
: '''Biowulf:''' You can't stop them once they're collared.
: '''Circe:''' I can go down trying!
: '''Black Pawn:''' Her sonics are disrupting the offensive.
: '''Biowulf:''' If can't win, we'll take down as many as we can fighting.
: '''Circe:''' This isn't one battle, it's a war. And we can't let it end here before Rex has the Master-Control Nanite.
: '''Biowulf:''' What then?
: '''Circe:''' Tactical retreat.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' Providence goons are contained Biowulf. They shouldn't be a problem. And I got the Master-Control Nanite. Looks like mission accomplished.
: '''Circe:''' Rex, I... 
:(''she and Rex cling to each other as the castle begins shaking'')
: '''Black Knight:''' Rex, order your friends to surrender. You're all under Providence custody. I knew it would be impossible to get the nanite from the heart of the original nanite infestation. So the solution was to remove it.
: '''Circe:''' It's Hong Kong all over again.
: '''Rex:''' No. We'll sneak about back...and then...And then.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' &quot;They were counting on me. I don't want to leave them!&quot;
: '''Circe:''' &quot;I did what I had to do. You do what you have to. But I only want you to know: 
: All of this was ''never'' about me just using you.&quot;
:(''Finally admits her true romantic feelings for Rex in the form of a passionate kiss. She then pushes a shocked Rex off the ledge, so he could escape; and her getting collared and captured in his stead. She smiled with tears in her eyes, with the promise that she would be okay.'')
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex''' (''burdened by Circe admitting her intense love for him and sacrifice'')''':''' ''We all make sacrifices for the things we care about; the people we love. But when the stakes are this high, who can we trust? What would that power do to anyone who had it?''

===Remote Control===
: '''Cricket:''' If you think we're going to thank you for getting us out of there, Quarry...
: '''Quarry:''' I think you're going to do exactly as I say.
: (''Activates the mind-control collar on her neck'')
: '''Cricket:''' AH!!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' Cricket, it's me! Rex! Used to a crush on me!?
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' Let them go. They'll lead us straight to Quarry.
: '''Cricket:''' &quot;Used to have a crush&quot;?
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Cricket:''' You know how collared E.V.O.s follow kind of like a robot. with these collars, it's worse. It's like you're a remote-controlled robot.
: '''Rex:''' That is a nasty hack.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Quarry:''' Your friends are very valuable to me as are you.
: '''Rex:''' Like the new look- strapping.
: '''Quarry:''' Let's just say I had to find a way to &quot;keep it together&quot; after my visit to Abyuss. Just one more thing you owe me for and you know how much I like a balanced book.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Quarry:''' You'll be the crown jewel of my E.V.O. army, Rex. I may just make you my own personal slave.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Quarry:''' That collar suits you, Rex. Wish I had one for you back in the old days. Would've saved me a lot of trouble.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' The arcade- all those kids.
: '''Quarry:''' those brats were born to play games, which is what they think their doing. And I have your people to thank for the tech. That brother of yours is quite the wiz kid.
: '''Rex:''' Caesar would never...
: '''Cricket:''' Forget about Caesar, Rex! You know what you got to do!
: '''Rex:''' These guys will shred you if I leave!
: '''Tuck:''' We got this, Rex! Go!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Quarry:''' Consider the fact that you made me like this while I'm crushing you.

===A Brief History of Time===
: '''Van Kleiss:''' 4.000 years from my destination, and I've run out of of time. I've scarcely completed the vessel which shall deliver me to my own era. Gharun-Set, activate the traps-- Quickly! My greatest creation-- So useful to me, but too dangerous to roam free. If only I had time to destroy him, as I should. But I have a more pressing death I must prevent. My own. AAAAAAAAAAAH!
: '''Rex:''' Kind of defeating the whole stealth element of a stealth suit, Bobo.
: '''Bobo:''' Hey, now was I supposed to know that ghanoush went bad?
: '''Rex:''' Maybe because you found it in a garbage can.
: '''Bobo:''' On top of a garbage can.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Holiday to Rex. Are you at the site?
: '''Rex:''' There is not site, remember? Black Knight blew the pace to kingdom come.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Yet it's still guarded. And thanks to the data you stole from Providence, we know why.
: '''Rex:''' Van Kleiss back in time? I still find it hard to believe.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' You were sent six months into the future, Rex. It stands to reason that the reverse is possible.
: '''Rex:''' Well, if you expect to find him here, maybe we should check the mummy museum. We're sensing nanites-- Definitely V.K.'s. They've been dead a long time.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Over 4,000 years. I'm also detecting tachyons-- Quantum particles that travel in time. I think it's clear what he was making.
: '''Bobo:''' A latrine?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' A time machine.
: '''Rex:''' No way he pulled it off! If mister ego made it back to here and now, we'd know about it.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Some of these nanites are considerably younger. That means he was there in two different time periods.
: '''Rex:''' Time travel gives me a headache. Just tell me-- Where is he now?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' The more accurate question is, when is he?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' AAAAAAH!
: ''[Van Kleiss gasping]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Ugh! The ordeal is... draining. But now, back in my own time, I can replenish my nanite reserves and--
: '''Gladiator #1:''' Quis es tu?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I recognize the language, of course-- Classical latin. Qui-- Q-Qui annus est?
: '''Gladiator #1:''' What year is it? You dare question a captain of the imperial guard? Aegyptus is a roman Providence! Answer! Who are you?
: '''Gladiator #2:''' Don't bother-- He's clearly sun-mad.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' The dialect, the dress-- This is the second century A.D. A mere 2,000 years has passed. I'm only halfway home!
: '''Gladiator #1:''' Another escaped slave. Finish him and be done with it.
: ''[Gladiator #2 grunts]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' It was all the fight I could muster. I had no way to replace the nanites I'd spent in the journey, and my gauntlet had yet to recharge those that remained.
: '''Gladiator #2:''' This one shows spirit. He'll bring a good price in the arena.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' OOMPH!
: ''[Van Kleiss groans]''
: '''Gladiator #2:''' Save your strength.
: '''Gladiator #3:''' Where you're going, you'll need it.
: ''[Van Kleiss slurps]''
: ''[Van Kleiss gulps]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I intend to. Of the mysterious force, there is no sign. Yet I sense it is close-- Pursuing me even across the centuries. I am convinced it is a manifestation of time itself. My presence is a violation of physics-- An imbalance which the time stream seeks to correct... By wiping me from existence. But of this, I am certain-- If I do not return to my own time, it will surely destroy me.
: '''Gladiator #1:''' You are fortunate, slave. To die in the arena is a great honor.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' An honor I look forward to bestowing.
: ''[Gladiator #1 laughs]''
: '''Gladiator #1:''' You see? Spirit!
: ''[Van Kleiss groans]''
: '''Gladiator #3:''' Put on a good show, little man, and I promise to make your end a painless one.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Indeed?
: ''[Gladiator #3 grunts]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I, on the other hand, make no such promise.
: ''[Gladiator #3 grunting]''
: ''[Van Kleiss grunting]''
: '''Gladiator #3:''' AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
: ''[Gladiator #3 groans]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' One against so many? Hardly seems fair. For them.
: '''Gladiator #4:''' ARRRGHHHH!
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Ordinarily, I'd say &quot;take me to your leader,&quot; but I believe he's already here.
: '''Septimius Severus:''' Great warrior... Never have I seen such a battle. I am...
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Septimius Severus, 21st emperor of Rome, founder of the severan dynasty. And, as I recall, you poisoned your own commanding officer to get his position... And wear only boots to conceal a prodigious clubfoot.
: '''Septimius Severus:''' Are you a man... Or a God?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I find both labels rather limiting. Now, then, you are going to give me whatever I require, starting with a quiet place to work. I, in return, shall ensure the growth and security of your reign as emperor. You may call me Van Kleiss.
: '''Septimius Severus:''' Whatever your desire, great Vanklios.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Actually, it's... Got a rather nice ring.
: '''Rex:''' What's with this guy? Gets a portrait done in every time period?
: '''Bobo:''' Mm. ''[muffled]'' Truly a nutjob for the ages. Mm. Speaking of nuts... Want some?
: '''Rex:''' You've been dumpster-diving again?
: '''Bobo:''' I prefer &quot;foraging.&quot;
: '''Rex:''' Yeah. Nice sleuthing there, doc.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Nanites decay at a measurable half-life. I set our sat-net to do a global scan for the same frequency-- Ergo, Rome.
: '''Rex:''' Great. You scan for the next stop, we'll grab a pizza.
: '''Bobo:''' Pass. I'm experiencing inexpicable gastric distress.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, it would take months to scan the entire spectrum. You need to find the next decay frequency.
: '''Rex:''' Kind of like nanite connect-the-dots! Can I do it with someone else?
: '''Bobo:''' Hey, quiet, you! Rah!
: '''Rex:''' This goose chase just got a little wilder. My brother's here.
: '''Caesar:''' Caesar to Black. We've detected paleo-nanites. Tachyon readings negative. We're moving to the next hot stop.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Tachyons-- They want Van Kleiss' time machine. Follow them.
: '''Rex:''' Come on.
: '''Bobo:''' Can you give me a teeny sec? I gotta find the little gladiators' room.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Advances in the last two millenia have allowed me to complete my lab in weeks instead of months. Restrict the flow! Do you want to overload the power cells? Meanwhile, my own nanite supply continues to dwindle.
: ''[Septimius Severus panting]''
: '''Septimius Severus:''' Great Vanklios, protect me!
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I've divulged metallurgy and tactics beyond your day. No man may threaten your rule. : '''Septimius Severus:''' This is no man... But an apparition!
: ''[Septimius Severus grunts]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' What apparition? Speak, parasite!
: '''Septimius Severus:''' A spirit of doom! Numerous sightings-- The insulare, the rostra, the forum. Listen! It comes! It comes!
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Fool. It only wants me.
: '''Septimius Severus:''' Ugh!
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I release you. Go start a few legends.
: '''Septimius Severus:''' NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
: ''[Septimius Severus gasps]''
: '''Septimius Severus:''' Be gone! I beg of you! Aah!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, those stress lines-- It's the same pattern we saw in Egypt.
: '''Black Knight:''' Report.
: '''Caesar:''' These aqueducts are truly marvels of roman engineering.
: '''Black Knight:''' Have you picked up the next decay frequency?
: '''Caesar:''' Oh-- That. Yes. Uplinking to our global net. Odd. These tachyons seems unrelated to--
: '''Black Knight:''' We have the next target. Scandinavia. Move out. White Knight may have people on the trail. I expect you to do whatever it takes to procure the objective.
: '''Rex:''' Shh!
: '''Caesar:''' I've initiated the same steps as in Egypt! Come along.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, we need that decay frequency.
: '''Rex:''' Just one small problem, doc. This place... is toast.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex? Bobo? Respond!
: '''Rex:''' We're okay, doc. Not a mark on us.
: '''Bobo:''' Same can't be said for my stealth suit. Whoa!
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: ''[Rex and Bobo gasps]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' So many lives... It's become a blur. I don't know who I am anymore. Only that I must sail onward, ever onwoard down the river of time. Never resting, always moving. Further draining my nanite reserves beyond my ability to replenish. And each re-emergence, I am pursued by the nameless force. I now know it's personal. I am a virus-- An infection of space-time. Call it what you like. This is time's antibody. Whether I can borne home or drowned in its currents, this is my final journey.
: '''Rex:''' Hurry! I'm not sure if we here followed.
: '''Bobo:''' I'm sure.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Don't shoot! It's me.
: '''Rex:''' Holiday? Shouldn't you be at the plant, connecting the dots?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' No more dots to connect. The trail ends here. And... I'm reading a humanoid form inside.
: '''Rex:''' I'm confused. Is it a time machine or isn't it?
: '''Caesar:''' It's not a time machine. Are those really necessary?
: '''Rex:''' No way you're getting this time machine, bro!
: '''Caesar:''' I don't want it. And it's not a time machine.
: '''Bobo:''' Well, then, what is it? A meat locker for cold cuts?
: '''Caesar:''' Surprisingly close. We use this technique to transfer unstable nanites. It puts them into a state of dormancy.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Of course. It's a hibernation chamber.
: '''Caesar:''' Only his nanites were dormant. There would still be neuron flow.
: '''Rex:''' Mind telling me what that means, exactly?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' He was... Aware. The whole time, for hundreds of years.
: '''Caesar:''' He would have felt every minute pass.
: '''Rex:''' No way! He's totally a mummy!
: '''Rex and Bobo:''' Wah!
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Run! It's coming! It's coming?!
: '''Rex and Bobo:''' Wah!
: '''Rex:''' Easy, easy, Van Kleiss. You're back-- Back in your own time.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' No! No, it'll find me! It always does! You must protect me.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Tachyon readings off the chart! Rex, you can't affect that thing. I don't know what can.
: '''Caesar:''' It's a field of pure tachyons. I've got to get a sample.
: '''Rex:''' Oh, no, you don't!
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I'm back! Back in my own time! You shall not have me?! OHHHH!
: '''Bobo:''' Settle down, Van Winkle.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Rex shudders]''
: '''Rex:''' Oh, no. It couldn't be. I need some way to contain it!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Tachyons can't be contained!
: '''Caesar:''' Yes, they can. Rex!
: ''[Caesar grunts]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, it's too risky!
: '''Rex:''' But I know what this is. Correction-- I know who this is.
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Rex:''' Aah!
: ''[Rex groaning]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' It's... Breach.
: '''Rex:''' Breach. Breach! It's me-- Rex.
: '''Breach:''' Rex? Are you real... Or a dream?
: ''[Rex laughs]''
: '''Rex:''' Yeah, yeah, I'm-- I'm real.
: '''Breach:''' I was everywhere-- Everywhen. But I was nothing-- An emptiness, needing to be filled.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' The amp pack. Van Kleiss controlled it. When his nanites were active, Breach was drawn into his timeframe.
: ''[Van Kleiss grunts]''
: '''Caesar:''' The final joining would have destroyed them both.
: '''Breach:''' Guess I should say thanks.
: '''Rex:''' Hey, what are friends for? Um, we are still friends... Right?
: '''Caesar:''' You did well, little bro.
: '''Rex:''' And you have your time machine that... isn't a time machine. Everybody goes home happy.
: '''Caesar:''' That? A curiosity-- True. But it was never our goal.
: ''[Van Kleiss shivering]''
: ''[Van Kleiss chuckles]''
: '''Rex:''' Van Kleiss?! All this for him? what, they're gonna put him in jail?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' It's Providence, Rex. That's their jurisdiction.
: '''Caesar:''' No need to worry, little brother. He's going to be well supervised.
: '''Rex:''' Caesar, what is going on!?
: '''Caesar:''' Justice.
: '''Bobo:''' Two words-- Crème Brûlée. Ooh. Right after I make a french connection.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Ugh!
: '''Black Knight:''' Welcome back, Van Kleiss. You look terrible. Ordinarily, I'd say get some rest, but you've had enough of that, I suppose.
: ''[Van Kleiss chuckles]''
: '''Black Knight:''' Pull it together. We have work to do. Do you know who I am?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Yes. I know who you are. It's been a long time. A very, very long time.

===Mind Games===
: '''Rex''': Yeah, I wouldn't be so sure of that.
: '''Six''': I told you not to get involved, Rex. You're not at full strength.
: '''Rex''': What was I supposed to do... Just leave it?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Six has a point, Rex. You're pushed to the edge lately. You can't see everyone.
: '''Rex''': Not listening! Don't worry, dude. I'll have you out of here before you can say... Circe?!
: '''Circe''': Hey, Rex. Rex! Aaaah!
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Rex! Rex, do you read? What's going on? Your bios are low.
: '''Rex''': Leave her alone! You okay? 
: '''Circe''': I think so. We have to go.
: '''Rex''': Think that's your cue. Hang on. I think I got it. Ow! Hate this things.
: '''Circe''': Try wearing one.
: '''Rex''': I have. So, what happened? I thought providence had you at abysus.
: '''Circe''': I got away.
: '''Rex''': What about the pack?
: '''Circe''': The pack? I... don't know. Things are bad out there, Rex. I've been on the run for weeks. providence has been stepping up their capture orders. I think something big is going down.
: '''Rex''': Tell me about it. Listen, I know we're gonna want to say no, but with everything that's going on...
: '''Circe''': I should stay at the plant. It's safer, right?
: '''Rex''': Wow, that was... easy. I had a whole speech and everything.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Well, everything checks out. You're the picture of health. I wish you'd let me do some more thorough scans, through.
: '''Six''': How was it you said you got away?
: '''Circe''': It's a long story. You guys have bigger things to worry about than me... like the meta-nanites. Did you get the one from abysus? Have you found anymore?
: '''Rex''': Ugh, who cares? Let's go do something fun. You want to put Bobo' hand in shaving cream?
: '''Circe''': ''[Yawns]'' Actually, Rex, I'm kind of tired. I thing I might just crash if that's cool.
: '''Rex''': Oh... yeah. Stupid of me. You, uh, get some sleep. Hey, Doc. What are you doing?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Rex. I was just... working. What are you doing up?
: '''Rex''': Ah, it's... stupid.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Yeah, probably. But... go ahead.
: '''Rex''': I'm... excited. Since I got breached, everything's been so crazy.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Since you got breached? Right.
: '''Rex''': But with Circe back, I'm starting to think maybe things will turn out okay.
: '''White Knight''': I need everyone in the situation room in five minutes.
: '''Rex''': So much for that.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': ''[Yawns]'' What'd I miss?
: '''Rex''': Wow, Doc. You sure got comfy quick.
: '''White Knight''': Listen up, people. We need to retrieve a valuable asset before it falls into enemy hands.
: '''Six''': What's the objective?
: '''White Knight''': This man... Dr. Peter Meechum.
: '''Rex''': That guy? I remember him. Van crazy kiddnaped his daughter.
: '''White Knight''': Meechum spent the last year at a safehouse facility... Codename: Pandora's Box... location know only to me.
: '''Rex''': Why all the cloak and dagger?
: '''White Knight''': Because Meechum was one of the original scientists on the nanite project. He was given a panic button in case of emergency. 30 minutes ago... he activated it.
: '''Six''': providence?
: '''White Knight''': We have to assume they're trying to assemble the original members of the nanite project. What Meechum knows is too valuable to fall into the wrong hands, so go get him.
: '''Six''': Maybe Circe should stay here.
: '''Rex''': What? Why?
: '''Six''': She's not on the team yet... not officialy.
: '''White Knight''': Take her. She'll be useful in the field.
: '''Rex''': Ahem. You guys forget you key? Did you check under the mat?
: '''Six''': Rex, focus on the mission. Get to Meechum!
: '''Rex''': Relax, Six. I could take these guys in my sleep, especially with help from... Huh? Circe? Uh... Time-out?
: '''Six''': Peter Meechum, you need to come with us.
: '''Dl. Meechum''': ''[Scoffs]'' Took you long enough.
: '''Rex''': Time in.
: '''White Knight''': Still no sign of Circe, Rex. We'll keep looking, but for right now, Meechum is our top priority.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': We'll find her, Rex. Don't worry.
: '''White Knight''': In the meantime, Dr. Meechum, I've checked, and your daughter is safe at her boarding school in England.
: '''Dl. Meechum''': My daughter. Right.
: '''White Knight''': We can make immediate arrangements to take you to her.
: '''Dl. Meechum''': No, I'd rather stay with you if that's all right. It's, uh... It's safer.
: '''White Knight''': Of course. White Knight out.
: '''Rex''': So, after that, providence attacked abysus to get the master control nanite. Guess you were next on their list.
: '''Dl. Meechum''': I see. And all this happened in the last year?
: '''Six''': You've missed a lot since you've been away, doctor.
: '''Dl. Meechum''': Horrible. I could never work for a providence like that. I have to say it's all very impressive. providence has certainly done a lot in the last year.
: '''Caesar''': And with your help, doctor, we can do more.
: '''Dl. Meechum''': Where's White Knight? I should tell him I've arrived.
: '''Black Knight''': I can answer that for you. It's good to have you back, doctor.
: '''Dl. Meechum''': What happened to White?
: '''Black Knight''': Just a routine change in command. Nothing to worry about. If you'll excuse me, gentlemen.
: '''Dl. Meechum''': Tell me you have my money ready.
: '''Black Knight''': You get away you want when I get what I want... Not before.
: '''Dl. Meechum''': Relax.
: '''Six''': I'm a professional, aren't I?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Six, see Meechum? I have some data I'd like to go over with him. Are you... okay?
: '''Six''': Rebecca, I have something important to tell you.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Okay. Well... Thanks for tell me.
: '''Six''': Rex, are you in here? I do not understand this show.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Am I interrupting?
: '''Six''': Not at all. What can I do for you?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Nothing important. I just wanted to say... earlier... that was nice. Unexpected but nice. 
: '''Six''': Earlier?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': In the lab?
: '''Six''': I have no idea what you're talking about.
: ''[Dr. Holiday scoffs]''
: '''Rex''': Six, I need to talk to you about Circe. Uh... Six? Earth to agent guy. You okay?
: '''Six''': I'm fine. I've just decided not to waste any more time on you, Rex.
: '''Rex''': Um... Is this because I accidentaly used your swords to slice a pizza?
: '''Six''': It's because you're weak. You don't have what it takes to complete the mission.
: '''Rex''': Ohh, I get it. This is one of your test, right?
: '''Six''': No test. Just me coming to my senses. You're not strong enough to survive what's coming. In the end, you're gonna let us all down.
: ''[Dr. Holiday crying]''
: '''Rex''': Doc? What's wrong?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': I-It's nothing, Rex. I didn't want you to see me like this.
: '''Rex''': Well, what is it?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': ''[Sobbing]'' It's Six. I'm afraid of him.
: '''Rex''': What?! That's crazy talk.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Is it? You have to have seen it. He's violent, on edge. He's losing control.
: '''Rex''': Are we talking about the same Six?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': We don't even known him. He was a killer, Rex. The old Six might have changed, but how do we know this Six didn't come back... Wrong?
: '''Dr. Meechum''': ''[Whistling]'' I have a question. How do you plan to re-create the project without a bio-interface expert?
: '''Caesar''': Oh, but we do have one.
: '''Van Kleiss''': No! The string doesn't work. Gordian knot, tied up tight. Alexander cheated. Can't cheat. Eyes on your own paper! Peter? No! Can't be! Different time, different me.
: '''Dr. Meechum''': Van Kleiss? You brought back that monster?
: '''Caesar''': Of course. He was the original interface programmer. Who better?
: '''Dr. Meechum''': Excuse me a moment. White, what the heck is going on?!
: '''White Knight''': Peter? Where are you?
: '''Dr. Meechum''': I'm at providence. Where are you?
: '''White Knight''': Providence. But that's not... I have to go. We have a problem.
: '''Rex''': You're darn right we have a problem, because this isn't Peter Meechum!
: ''[Dr. Meechum laughing maniacally]''
: '''Scarecrow''': Heya, Rex. Miss me?
: '''Rex''': Who are you? Where's Meechum?
: '''White Knight''': His name's John Scarecrow. He's an EVO, specialist in infiltration. Black Knight played us.
: '''Scarecrow''': You really don't remember me, Rex? I'll give you a hint. We used to share a stomping ground. We had a problem with a shapes hifter once.
: '''Rex''': You were in Hong Kong.
: '''Scarecrow''': Give the man a prize.
: ''[Scarecrow laughs]''
: '''Six''': I think he went that way.
: '''Rex''': Wait a minute.
: ''[Rex groans]''
: ''[Scarecrow laughs]''
: '''Rex''': I cannot believe I fell for that.
: '''Scarecrow''': Look at you. You're ridiculous. You think he'll come to his senses, realize his true feelings? Then what? You'll settle down. White picket fence. Little agent kids. You're fooling yourself. You're the worst of them... you know that?...  Because you know better. You really think you can save the world? None of you can survive what's coming!
: '''Rex''': Prove it's really you. What's my favorite color?
: '''Six''': I have no idea.
: '''Rex''': It's you, all right.
: ''[Dr. Holiday screaming]''
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Put it away. I'm not the EVO.
: '''Six''': We heard you scream.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': That wasn't me.
: '''Six''': Let's all calm down. We can figure this out.
: '''Rex''': Why, Six? Because I'm weak? You don't think I can handle this?
: '''Six''': I never said that.
: '''Rex''': But you think it, right? I don't see you putting down your guns, doc.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': I know it's not me. I'm not sure about you two.
: ''[Scarecrow laughs]''
: '''Scarecrow''': So easy. I barely had to nudge you.
: '''Rex''': Whatever you're after, you're not getting away with it.
: '''Scarecrow''': Get away with it?! Re-e-e-x, I got what I needed in the first five minutes.
: '''Rex''': Then why? Why do all this?
: '''Scarecrow''': Simple. I wanted to do to you what you did to me.
: '''Rex''': I'm done with you!
: ''[Scarecrow groans]''
: '''Scarecrow''': The big hero. Why do you get to forget? It's not fair!
: '''Rex''': Whine, whine, whine. What... you didn't get enough crazy hugs as a kid?
: '''Scarecrow''': You think I'm the only one you hurt? Then tell me...
: '''Sqwydd''': What about us? Why'd you betray me? 
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: '''Scarecrow:''' ''[as Circe]'' You promised to protect me, Rex! Where were you?
: '''Rex:''' Stop it!
: ''[Rex groans]''
: ''[Rex breathing heavily]''
: '''Caesar''': Face it, bro. It's why I left you. Mom and dad, too.
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Rex''': You are your own worst enemy.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': That's for Rex. That's for providence. And that was for the kiss.
: '''White Knight''': Providence won this round. No question.
: '''Rex''': They have the real Meechum. Maybe more.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': There's no telling how much of our system Scarecrow uploaded.
: '''Six''': But we have to assume they know everything we do.
: ''[Scarecrow laughs evilly]''
: '''White Knight''': Black Knight is coming for us. It's just a matter of time.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': So? I mean, we knew that. Nothing's changed, right?
: '''Six''': Rex, this is what they wanted... to turn us against each other.
: '''Rex''': Yeah, and look how easy it was. We thought we were a team, but we're not. We're vulnerable.
: '''Van Kleiss''': It's Heisenberg's uncertainty principle. Looking past Occam's Razor, we can clearly see to a quantum level. A quantum level is what I'm trying to achieve, because if I didn't do the quantum level, then I can understand what's happening.
: '''Caesar''': I know you don't like this, but it's not about us.
: '''Dr. Meechum''': Can you do it? Can you control him?
: '''Caesar''': Leave Van Kleiss to me.
: '''Dr. Meechum''': What about Black Knight? I don't like her, Salazar. Never did.
: '''Caesar''': Trust me, Peter... When we're finished, the end will justify the means.

===Hermanos===
:'''Rex Salazar''': WH-O-O-O-OA! Unh! Ugh!
:''[Rex sighs]''
:'''Agent Six''': Be careful, Rex.
:'''Rex Salazar''': I'm touched by your concern, Six.
:'''Agent Six''': It's not for you. We don't have Providence to pick up the tab anymore. You break it, you buy it.
:''[Rex growls]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': I'm saving the day here. What are they gonna do--Sue me? Oh, come on! It was a rhetorical question! What was I supposed to do? The whole building was made of glass!
:'''Lawyer''': ''[Hispanic accent]'' Glass? What are you talking about?
:'''Rex Salazar''': I'm... not talking about anything. What are you talking about?
:'''Lawyer''': Mr. Salazar, I'm an associate at the stateside branch of the Argentinean firm Gomez and Gomez. And today, sir, is your lucky day!
:'''Rex Salazar''': What's this?
:'''Lawyer''': It's yours!
:'''Noah Nixon''': No away! This is your house?
:'''Rex Salazar''': I know! According to the lawyer guy, this rancho in Argentina's been in my family forever. And ever since my parents died in the event, those lawyers have been trying to track down the heir. And guess who that is.
:'''Noah Nixon''': You and your brother?
:'''Rex Salazar''': Oh, yeah, right. Him too.
:'''Caesar Salazar''': Not a good time, Rex.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Dude, it's never a good time, but you go to-- O...kay, so maybe this really isn't a good time, but this is important. I was being chased by a lawyer. No, I wasn't being sued this time. But you'll never guess what he--
:'''Caesar Salazar''': Is this about the rancho?
:'''Rex Salazar''': You know about it?
:'''Caesar Salazar''': Those lawyers have left me a dozen messages.
:'''Rex Salazar''': And you didn't tell me? Caesar, I never even knew we had this place! There might be photo albums, home movies-- I don't know-- maybe even an old teddy bear or something.
:'''Caesar Salazar''': You never had a teddy bear.
:'''Rex Salazar''': See, the fact that you know that and I don't-- that's why we need to go down there.
:'''Lawyer''': Clear!
:'''Caesar Salazar''': I can't, Rex. My work's already been interrupted once today. Although... Now that you mention the ranch, it does bring back some memories.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Really? Like what?
:'''Caesar Salazar''': There was an experiment I remember mom and dad running. If you could find the notes, it might save some time on the work I'm doing now.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Notes? Come on. Isn't family more important than-- Guess not.
:''[Rex sighs]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Why can't I have a normal brother? Know anything about cows? Thanks for coming with me. This is really a family thing, but my brother is, well-- My brother. 
:'''Noah Nixon''': Are you kidding? I'm psyched! I've been killing myself trying to find a birthday present for Claire. A vacation at my best friend's awesome ancestral estate? What other guy could offer her that?
:'''Rex Salazar''': Okay, but then why bring Annie?
:'''Annie''': Um, this just kind of broke off.
:''[Annie, Claire and Noah screaming]''
:'''Noah Nixon''': AAAAAAH!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': I sure hope this isn't included in Six's &quot;You break it, you buy it&quot; policy.
:'''Annie''': Sorry.
:'''Rex Salazar''': No problem. We're here.
:'''Claire Bowman''': Are... you sure this is the place?
:'''Noah Nixon''': What happened to it?
:'''Annie''': Hey, don't look at me. I just got there.
:''[Annie gasps]''
:'''Annie''': Okay, that was me.
:'''Rex Salazar''': I guess this must be my... family.
:'''Claire Bowman''': Looks like you-- But with a 'stache.
:'''Annie''': I like you with a 'stache.
:'''Claire Bowman''': Hey, there are chickens in here!
:'''Annie''': And llamas!
:'''Noah Nixon''': Chicken, llamas-- And a funny-looking bull.
:''[Chiquito snorts]''
:'''Noah Nixon''': I-I-I take it back! You're not funny-looking!
:'''Chiquito''': This place is Durango's!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Well, actually--
:'''Chuquito''': No fancy talk! Just go!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Ugh! Okay, number one, how is &quot;actually&quot; fancy talk! Number two, I don't know who Durango is, but this farm isn't his. And number three--
:''[Chiquito grunts]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Ugh! Ugh! All right, there's no misunderstanding the international language of getting punched in the face. So read my fist-- Get out of my house!
:'''Chiquito''': Durango will not be happy!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Okay, don't know who that guy was, but problem solved.
:'''Noah Nixon''': Uh, you think? Aah!
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Senior Durango''': Calmate, Chiquito. You are my brother. I would not do anything to hurt mi hermano. Unless you force me to. I cannot lose that tract of land. Without its right of way, I will lose my claim on the rest of the county. But never mind. They will learn-- When you mess with the bull, you get the horns.
:'''Rex Salazar''': OHHH! Ugh!
:'''Noah Nixon''': A chicken just tried to poop on my shoe!
:'''Rex Salazar''': I think I can top you there.
:'''Noah Nixon''': No offense, but when I asked Claire to come here, this wasn't what I was hoping for.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Well, me either. I mean, I was thinking I'd find-- I don't know what. But everything in this place has been smashed or stolen. Maybe this whole family thing isn't for me.
:''[Noah gasps]''
:'''Noah Nixon''': That's the one!
:'''Claire Bowman''': Please, Noah. It just needed a little help laying an egg.
:'''Rex Salazar''': ''[Chuckling]'' What, did you grow up on a farm in Kansas?
:'''Claire Bowman''': An apartment in Chicago-- Which is where I learned to download videos onto my phone.
:'''Telephone Voice''': When caring for an egg bearing hen, remember to--
:'''Muchado''': Hola? Quien esta aquí?
:'''Rex Salazar''': Uh... hello?
:'''Muchado''': So, you are the Americans? I am Señor Muchado-- The juez.
:'''Claire Bowman''': That's like a judge?
:'''Muchado''': Sí. For all intents and purposes, I am the law in this county-- Which is why I have come here with him.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Good, because I definitely want to press charges.
:'''Muchado''': You misunderstand. I am here because of the trouble you caused for Chiquito.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Chiquito?
:''[Rex chuckles]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Your mom must have some sense of humor to name you &quot;Tiny&quot;.
:''[Chiquito growls]''
:'''Muchado''': Chiquito's brother is Señor Durango. He controls most of the land in this county, including this hacienda. At Señor Durango's request, I have prepared a legal order compelling you to vacate.
:'''Claire Bowman''': But this is Rex's farm.
:'''Annie''': Yeah, he's got a deed and everything.
:'''Muchado''': This might have some bearing-- If you were a Salazar.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Well, we're in luck. I am.
:'''Annie''': Maybe this will help.
:'''Muchado''': You may be a Salazar, but by our law, this land has been deemed abandoned, and Señor Durango has claimed it.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Sorry. Been sort of busy saving the world and stuff. But I'm here now, so consider his claim unclaimed, then reclaimed by me.
:'''Muchado''': It is not so simple. You would have to demonstrate you are actively maintaining the ranch. That means shearing and feeding the animals, bringing your bulls to market--
:'''Rex Salazar''': To market? What, like a... cattle drive?
:'''Claire Bowman''': No problem. We can totally figure out how to do that.
:'''Muchado''': A ranch this size requires at least a dozen hired men.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Okay, just... uh...
:'''Muchado''': No one within 100 kilometers will help you cross Señor Durango. If you do this, you will do it alone. And you will fail.
:'''Claire Bowman''': Well, that guy was kind of a jerk.
:'''Annie''': Yeah. So, let's get to work.
:'''Noah Nixon''': How? Everything here is broken.
:'''Annie''': Uh, have you seen my house?
:'''Rex Salazar''': You guys don't have to do this.
:'''Claire Bowman''': What kind of friend would walk away now?
:'''Noah Nixon''': Uh... yeah! No way you could stop me from helping take care of these totally not-gross animals. 
:'''Rex Salazar''': Really?
:'''Noah Nixon''': Well, I'm smiling like that's what I mean, aren't?
:''[Noah exhales deeply]''
:'''Noah Nixon''': I can do this! I can't do this. Until I've done my milking warm-up.
:'''Claire Bowman''': Ugh. Hold this.
:'''Telephone Voice''': With you head resting on her flank, gently grasp the udder with the palm of your hand.
:'''Noah Nixon''': AAH!
:''[Claire giggles]''
:'''Claire Bowman''': I think she likes you.
:'''Noah Nixon''': Ugh!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': This is your home. Get in your home!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Whoa! AAAH! AAH! Ugh! This is hopeless! This farm only has one bull, and I can't even get it into the barn. And this... better just be mud.
:'''Annie''': Hang on! I'll help you!
:''[Annie gasps]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': No! Don't!
:'''Noah Nixon''': Are you guys okay?
:'''Claire Bowman''': What is it? A storm cellar?
:'''Noah Nixon''': Looks like some kind of lab.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Figures. My mom and dad were Caesar's parents, too. Of course they'd find a way to take work home with them. Probably where those notes Caesar wanted are. Might as well grab them before the judge kicks us out.
:'''Claire Bowman''': What's he talking about? I think we're doing a pretty good job taking care of the--
:'''Annie''': Uh, guys--
:''[Claire grunts]''
:'''Claire Bowman''': Wait-- Donkeys eat hay, don't they? Maybe we can use it to lure them back into the barn.
:'''Annie''': I got it! Ugh!
:''[Annie gasps]''
:'''Noah Nixon''': Well, on the plus side, at least we now know for sure that donkeys do eat hay.
:'''Rafael Salazar''': One day, these things are going to change the world, and you'll be there to see it.
:'''Violetta Salazar''': ''[chuckling]'' Caesar, please, mi hijo. Stop working for a minute and hold the camera.
:'''Young Caesar Salazar''': Okay! Okay!
:''[Claire sniffs]''
:'''Claire Bowman''': What's that smell?
:'''Noah Nixon''': Which one? Everything here smells.
:'''Claire Bowman''': No, it smells like... smoke!
:'''Annie''': Rex! The straw caught on fire, and it exploded!
:''[Chiquito growls]''
:'''Chiquito''': Hermano! No! Oomph!
:'''Senior Durango''': What were you thinking? I told you to smoke them out, not burn the land! This is my land! If you weren't my brother--
:''[Chiquito growls]''
:'''Senior Durango''': But you are. Come here.
:'''Rex Salazar''': So, you must be the brother. Hope I'm not interrupting some kind of weird tender moment.
:'''Senior Durango''': Soy Durango. And I hope there is still a chance we can reach a resonable agreement.
:'''Claire Bowman''': So, then you'll let Rex keep the farm? We played by the rules.
:'''Senior Durango''': Around here, I make the rules.
:'''Annie''': But the judge said--
:'''Senior Durango''': The judge works for me. Now, please, I'm giving you one last chance to leave.
:'''Noah Nixon''': Okay, sure! Oh, wait-- That's right. Your fire blew up what was left of our plane!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Uh, let me handle the trash-talking with the 20-foot-tall monster EVO, okay? Leave them out of this! They shouldn't even be here! It should have been my brother!
:'''Senior Durango''':  That is why you will lose your farm. Without family, a man is nothing. After all, what is this land to them?
:'''Rex Salazar''': I don't even know what this place is to me. I came here hoping to find out more about who my family is.
:''[Rex start looking at Noah, Claire and Annie, and smile to them]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': And I did. So, you're going to stop threatening them-- And me-- And get off my land.
:''[Durango snarls]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Okay. Here's the plan-- Stay behind me! Whoa! Ugh!
:'''Noah Nixon''': Well, there goes that plan.
:'''Senior Durango''': Hurt them. You can do that, can't you?
:'''Claire Bowman''': W-what do we do now?!
:'''Annie''': The only one of us with powers just got kicked to the curb.
:'''Noah Nixon''': That depends on what you mean by &quot;powers&quot;.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Rex muffled grunting]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Not a good time, Caesar.
:'''Caesar Salazar''': I just wanted to tell you-- Forget about those notes. I realized that's not what's important about you going down there.
:''[Durango snarls]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Wow, Caesar. I can't believe you came around.
:'''Caesar Salazar''': I just realized-- The really important thing is, if you happen to find a termo-chronometer I remember having down there, it would save me from ordering one.
:''[Chiquito snarls]''
:''[Chiquito growls]''
:''[Chiquito snarls, roars]''
:'''Noah Nixon''': Ugh!
:''[Chiquito snorts]''
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:[''On videotape of the Salazar family]''
:'''Rafael Salazar''': One day these things are going to change the world and you'll be there to see it.
:'''Violetta Salazar''': Cesar, please miquito. Stop working for a minute and hold the camera.
:'''Young Caesar Salazar''': Okay, okay.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Noah Nixon''': This morning, I almost had to touch a cow's underparts. You think you can do me worse than that? Bring it.
:''[Chiquito snarls]''
:''[Chiquito roars]''
:'''Annie''': Ugh! I didn't mean for that to happen.
:'''Claire Bowman''': We did.
:'''Rex Salazar''': AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Ugh! AAAAAAAAAAARGH!
:'''Senior Durango''': OOMPH!
:''[Durango lows]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': WH-O-O-O-O-O-O O-OA!
:''[Durango lows]''
:''[Durango snorts]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': AAAAAAAAH!
:''[Durango growls]''
:''[Durango growls]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Trust me-- My brother's let me down way worse. But what am I gonna do? He's my brother.
:'''Senior Durango''': It is over.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Nice ego there, but I've been hit a lot harder.
:''[Durango spits]''
:'''Senior Durango''': Those bells signal the market is ending soon. I can see you have yet to herd you cattle there.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Oh, come on! The one cattle I've got doesn't even move!
:'''Senior Durango''': If you do not have your cattle to market before it ends, you will have failed to fulfill your deed, and this land will be mine.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Then I guess I don't have any time to waste talking about it.
:'''Claire Bowman''': Come on. Come here.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Forget it. I got this.
:'''Claire Bowman''': WHOO-HOO! Yes! Go, Rex!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Claire Bowman''': Where's Durango?
:'''Rex Salazar''': OWW! Come on! You don't move the whole time, and you can't stay still?
:''[Durango grunting]''
:'''Noah Nixon''': What is this, a western? You're actually trying to stop him with a rockslide?
:'''Senior Durango''': You? Here? How is that even possible?
:'''Telephone Voice''': Donkeys can be ridden surprinsingly fast if you--
:'''Noah Nixon''': Come on! Just give up! The farm belong to Rex. And I really want to get off this thing.
:'''Senior Durango''': You think I'm afraid of you ''[scoffs]'' boy?
:'''Claire Bowman''': Oh, it's not the boy you should be afraid of.
:'''Annie''': Oops.
:''[Durango grunting]''
:'''Senior Durango''': Ugh!
:''[Rex panting]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': We sheared the llamas, we milked the cows, I got the bull to town. We did everything in the deed.
:'''Muchado''': Sí, sí. But more important, you faced Durango and won! Once the other ranchers hear of this, they won't be afraid. You have broken Durango's hold on our lands.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Wait-- You're... happy about that?
:'''Muchado''': Of course. I told you exactly what you had to do to legally gain control of the land, didn't I?
:'''Rex Salazar''': Huh. I guess you did.
:'''Claire Bowman''': Wow! Can you believe how you perfect this all worked out?
:'''Noah Nixon''': Yeah, uh, so, maybe we should get out of here before we wear out our welcome.
:'''Rex Salazar''': There's just one thing I want to do first.

===The Rescue===
:''Note'': Rex goes alone to rescue his girlfriend Circe from the clutches of Black Knight. but it turns out she has been waiting for him.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;

===Alone Together===
:''Note'': Finally together at last, Rex and Circe reminiscence about their good and hard times together ans their romance begins to grow.
===Retribution===
===Temporary Insanity===

===Crime and Punishment===
:''Note:'' His false insanity revealed, Van Kleiss abducts Circe with the intent of punishing her for betraying him, due to her enduring love for Rex.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Now, Circe, you shall learn the ultimate price of betraying me.
:'''Rex:''' ''Leave her alone!!''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Oh, Rex. For young love. One of your greatest weaknesses. After I finish off your beloved, you will no longer be a hindrance to me. 
:'''Rex''' (''enraged'')''':''' I ''said''...LEAVE HER ALONE!!!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;

===Shadowed Past===

===Separation Anxiety===
===Brotherly Love===

===Rocky My World===
:'''Beverly:''' Oh, this is so awesome! We're seeing the Trendbenders live!
:'''Rex:''' Well, maybe not see them, but we'll totally hear them.
:'''Sebastian''': Attention! The Trendbenders will be arriving through the back of the club.
:'''Beverly:''' Slick trick! Yes, Rebecca. I know! Only drink the bottled water. No, we're not that close to the stage. Ugh! I know that's where they mosh-pit. Don't worry! Bye!
:'''Rex:''' Your sister is acting like your mother. I wouldn't put up with it. Doc?! I'm right next to her! Yes, we've got earplugs. Only bottled water-- I know! Yes, you'll pick us up at 11:00. Okay! Bye!
:'''Sly:''' ''[singing]'' I met a guy who has looking for a lucky break. I met a guy mad he wouldn't make a mistake. No loser here the weight would be upon his face. This ain't no lucky break it's just another day.
:'''Beverly:''' Hey!
:'''Rex:''' There's something wrong with that guy.
:'''Beverly:''' Yeah! It's called lack of social skills.
:'''Sebastian:''' We have to talk! You got to listen to me!
:'''Rex:''' I think they're a little too busy for a chat right now.
:'''Sebastian:''' It's me! Your first fan!
:'''Rex:''' Come on, dude. Can't you just watch the show, like everyone else?
:'''Sly:''' ''[singing]'' You won't bring me down. Yeah-yeah-yeah. You won't bring me down.
:'''Sebastian:''' I'm not just everyone else.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Sebastian:''' You want to rethink trying to stop me?
:'''Beverly:''' Whoa! Geek in triplicate!
:'''Rex:''' More like EVO geek.
:'''Sebastian:''' I bet you're not even a real fan!
:'''Rex:''' Hey, I know their music!
:'''Sebastian:''' Yeah? What album is &quot;Bitten on the Wind&quot; from?
:'''Beverly:''' Uh, their first album.
:'''Sebastian:''' Wrong! Their third! Poser!
:'''Sly:''' Here's one from our first album-- &quot;Bitten on the Wind.&quot;
:'''Beverly:''' Told ya! Their first album! Who's the poser now?
:'''Sebastian:''' But it is their third. They keep denying their first two albums exist!
:'''Rex:''' Huh?
:''[Rex bones cracking]''
:'''Rex:''' Shouldn't you be home, making sure your mom isn't snooping around your basement? Ouch! All right, I've had enough.
:'''Sebastian:''' I know you. You're that guy from Providence that beats up on EVOs.
:'''Rex:''' And I'm guessing you're not one of my fans.
:'''Sebastian:''' This isn't over! They still need me to show them the way back. I'll make them listen to me.. No matter what! Ugh!
:'''Man:''' No re-entry without a hand stamp.
:'''Rex:''' Uh, but--
:'''JoJo:''' It's okay. He's with me. I'm JoJo, the band's manager.
:'''Beverly:''' Oh! Sly Tyler, vocals, six-stringer. Burrito Beau on the big bottom, and Leon Adler on the skins.
:'''Beau:''' Bass. Drums.
:'''Beverly:''' They're even cutter up close!
:'''JoJo:''' But Sebastian isn't. And now that fruitcake fan has become a major menace.
:'''Rex:''' You know who that guy is?
:'''Sly:''' Yeah, he's one of our first fans from way back.
:'''Leon:''' But he didn't like our change in music direction.
:'''Beau:''' Change, like in popular.
:'''Sly:''' So he started sending us nasty e-mails and slagging us on the fan sites.
:'''JoJo:''' But now he's turned violent, and it turns out he's... H-he's...
:'''Rex:''' An EVO that can multiply himself.
:'''JoJo:''' We can't handle that kind of threat, but you can.
:'''Beverly:''' Is this a job offer?
:'''JoJo:''' As head of security for the rest of the tour.
:'''Rex:''' Huh, I don't know. Putting up with groupies, great music, catering, the Rock'n'roll lifestyle-- Oh, right, like I'm not totally in for this!
:'''Beverly:''' And I'm your deputy, sheriff.
:'''Sly:''' Absolutely.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Absolutely not.
:'''Rex:''' They've got an EVO threat.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Fine, Rex. Beverly? And don't forget to use earplugs.
:'''Rex:''' Private jet to the next gig? Airline-- First class? Coach?
:'''JoJo:''' Of the road kind.
:'''Rex:''' Traveling the open road, bringing music to the people. Where to next?
:'''Beau:''' Eugene, Oregon. ''[Unenthusiastically]'' WHOO-HOO!
:'''Rex:''' Ow!
:'''Leon:''' Bad seat. Got a lot of them.
:''[Beau farts]''
:''[Rex sniffs]''
:'''Leon and Rex:''' Oh!
:''[Leon coughs]''
:'''Leon:''' Isn't the ozone layer depleted enough, Beau?
:'''Rex:''' Want to hit the streets and check out the local scene?
:'''Sly:''' Seriously, man? It's just another town.
:'''Beau:''' Been there. Seen them all.
:'''TV Announcer:''' He's currently under 3, 2 behind the leader. This is a very tricky--
:'''Rex:''' Oh, let's throw this in the pool!
:'''Leon:''' Hey, I'm watching something, dude!
:'''Rex:''' How about a food fight?
:'''Sly:''' Sorry, man. Not feeling it.
:'''Rex:''' This isn't feeling very Rock'n'Roll.
:'''JoJo:''' Rex, we hired you to consult on security, not rock-tour clichés.
:'''Sebastian:''' Room service.
:'''JoJo:''' Again? You guys, this is costing too much.
:'''Sly:''' But we didn't order anything else.
:'''Sebastian:''' That's okay. This is on the house!
:''[Sebastian grunts]''
:''[JoJo gasps]''
:'''Rex:''' Look out! He's got... Paperwork?
:'''Sebastian:''' I've got notes and visuals on where you've gone commercial and how you can get back to your roots! He's with the band now? He's not even a real fan! You see? You've got to come with me. You need my help!
:'''Rex:''' They're not going anywhere, but you are!
:'''Sebastian:''' My copies don't feel pain.
:'''Rex:''' But you do!
:'''Girl:''' Whoa! You must really be a big fan!
:'''Sebastian:''' Only of their early stuff.
:'''Girl:''' Eww! Their early stuff is weak.
:'''Teen girl:''' But their new songs are awesome!
:''[Girls giggling]''
:''[Sebastian growls]''
:''[Girls screaming]''
:'''Rex:''' Excuse me. I'm with the band.
:'''Teen girl:''' But you missed your ride.
:'''Rex:''' That's okay. I've got my own.
:'''Man:''' Rock bands! Never again!
:'''Sebastian:''' I've got to take you away from this sellout existence, where you deny your first two albums even exist.
:'''Sly:''' B-but those albums weren't any good. That's why we only had a few fans, like you.
:'''Rex:''' If there's only three of them, then who's driving the car?
:'''Sebastian:''' Aah!
:'''Rex:''' Did he... Ah! Rent that car from the circus? Time to cut this act short.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Sebastian:''' Oh, man. I went to my first Trendbenders show in that car.
:'''Rex:''' Maybe I can't turn off your obsession, but I can shut down your nanites.
:'''Beau:''' That clone-boy?
:'''Rex:''' I don't think he's going to be a problem now.
:'''JoJo:''' We can still use you on the tour. What did you say?
:'''Rex:''' Yes!
:'''Sly:''' Good man! ''[singing]'' You see the light, and it's oh, so bright, a million times more than before, now we'll show you the door, some starts fade, and some starts shine, the bright ones stand the test of time, the others burn out and sing, &quot;yeah, we almost made it&quot;, &quot;yeah, but we're overrated&quot;, kill your radio, you live a life for all to see, sometimes it's right, sometimes obscene, now you're the enemy, it's one for all and all for me, unlocking doors and misery, the others burn out and sing, &quot;yeah, we almost made it&quot;, &quot;yeah, but we're overrated&quot;, out of time, kill your radio, &quot;yeah, we almost made it&quot;, &quot;yeah, but we're overrated&quot;, out of time, kill your radio, out of time, kill your radio, out of time, kill your radio, out of time, kill your radio, it isn't all, that it's cracked up to be, I never thought it'd be so easy, I wouldn't have it any other way, you see the light, and it's oh, so bright, a million times more than before, now we'll show you the door, some starts fade, and some starts shine, the bright ones stand the test of time, the others burn out and sing, &quot;yeah, we almost made it&quot;, &quot;yeah, but we're overrated&quot;, out of time, kill your radio, &quot;yeah, we almost made it&quot;, &quot;yeah, but we're overrated&quot;, out of time, kill your radio, &quot;yeah&quot;.
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Sly:''' At least we got a day off before the next gig.
:'''JoJo:''' Guys, a club owner in fleeceburg just offered us amazing money. I booked it.
:'''Rex:''' For when?
:'''JoJo:''' We're already running late.
:'''Sly:''' They're paying money for us to play in this dump?
:'''JoJo:''' Big money. Come on. You're on in ten minutes.
:'''Rex:''' I'm guessing ticket sales are a little slow.
:'''Leon:''' Are we breaking up?
:'''Beau:''' This dive seems awfully familiar.
:'''Sebastian:''' It should.
:'''Rex:''' That voice seems awfully familiar!
:'''Teens:''' Dude! Nobody move! What's going on? Who's touching me? What is this? Excuse me. What is going on?
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Sebastian:''' I built an exact replica of the first club you played in.
:'''Beau:''' Hey, that's one of my puke stains. Fruitcake knows his details.
:'''Rex:''' But I cured you.
:'''Sebastian:''' Hmm... That was a copy, not the original.
:'''Sly:''' Whatever. When's this gonna end, fan-boy?
:'''Sebastian:''' It ends tonight. Check the floor at your feet.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Sebastian:''' I've given up trying to get you back to your roots. So now you'll play what I want to hear for the next hour. And then your career ends with a bang. :'''Sly:''' On behalf of the band, I'd like to thank our manager, JoJo, for booking this totally insane gig!
:''[JoJo laughs nervously]''
:'''Sebastian:''' The sound of cold, hard cash is the only music sellouts like you listen to anymore.
:'''Rex:''' They're not sellouts. They just got more popular than you wanted.
:'''Sebastian:''' You try anything, and I'll end their last gig prematurely. You're only alive because I want you to see what the Trendbenders used to be like. For the next hour give me the early stuff, when you were cool.
:'''Sly:''' Why bother? You're gonna nuke us, anyway.
:'''Sebastian:''' Because if you don't play, this happens!
:'''Sly:''' Aah!
:'''Leon, Sly and Beau:''' No more!
:'''Sly:''' Okay, dude, what's the first number?
:'''Sebastian:''' &quot;Crawling undertow&quot;!
:'''Sly:''' Well, how does it feel?
:'''Sebastian:''' First album, seventh song. Fifth song on the Japanese import.
:'''Sly:''' To get that weight back on our shoulders--
:'''Sebastian:''' You're giving it a beat that wasn't in the original, man! Not even in the remix from the box set. Play it right this time! I'm missing the concert because of you!
:'''Rex:''' Stinks to be you. Got to cure the real Sebastian. But which one is the mother ship?
:'''Sebastian:''' You can't even play your old songs like you used to. Total disappointment. Let's end this bummer concert.
:'''Sly:''' But we still have over a half-hour left!
:'''Sebastian:''' Last song, no encore.
:'''Rex:''' Tell me who's the original, or I'll turn you into dessert topping!
:'''Sebastian:''' You don't scare me. I don't feel pain.
:'''Rex:''' But the real Sebastian does. Sly! Maximum feedback! Now! Thanks, Doc.
:'''Sebastian''': AAAHHHH!
:'''Rex:''' How do you like their new hit, Sebastian Prime? Here's another new groove you're not going to like.
:'''Sebastian:''' Aah!
:'''Rex:''' Congrats. You're back to being a solo act.
:'''Sebastian:''' You've got to listen to me!
:''[Sebastian yelling]''
:'''Rex:''' Kidnapping, assault and battery, construction without a permit-- that should keep him away for years.
:'''JoJo:''' Have to say it, guys, but we've got a gig in toledo to get to. Security?
:'''Rex:''' Not anymore. Sebastian's done, and so am I.
:'''Sly:''' Dude, I thought you wanted the rock'n'roll lifestyle.
:'''Rex:''' I'm not tough enough for it. I need to get back to something easier, like city-smashing EVOs and conspiracies to take over the world.
:'''Beau:''' Don't know what your missing.
:'''Rex:''' I think do. But I don't miss this. Yes, doc? Don't need my earplugs anymore. I quit. Will you let me tell you? No, the EVO threat wasn't just an excuse. Well, I'm coming back! Will you let-- Doc!

===Lost and Found===

===My Brother's Keeper===

===Target: the Consortium===
: '''Jungle Cat:''' You are...?
: '''Rex:''' Rex. Rex Salazar. What are you?
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Lost... and found.
: '''Rex:''' HUNH! AAAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
: ''[Rex gasps deeply]''
: '''Rex:''' Whoa. That was a total zero on the fun meter.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Learning how to communicate with the nanite world isn't about fun. Did you get anywhere at all?
: '''Rex:''' Don't know. I connected with a Master Control Nanite for a second, and then I lost it. But I also got, like, this feeling that something's about to happen in the nanite world. Something... big.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' Argh! This is Rylander's speciality, not mine. There's no way I can cover for him.
: '''Caesar:''' Not to worry, Dr. Meechum. You won't have to any longer. Dr. Rylander will take over from here.
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' Oh, really, Caesar? From his current location of beyond the grave?
: '''Rylander:''' Actually, Peter, I was never completely dead-- just spread a little thin-- ''[chuckling]'' Moleculary speaking. Caesar's been working on putting me back together.
: '''Black Knight:''' All of them together-- At last. Contact the Consortium. We now have something to show them. Something big.
: '''White Knight:''' Even having two of the Master Control Nanites doesn't change the vital importance of finding the other three. But the latest intel I've received could give us a way to neutralize the group obsessed with these machines.
: '''Six:''' The Consortium.
: '''Rex:''' Aren't those the money guys that bankrolled the Nanite Project in Providence?
: '''White Knight:''' The same. Formerly made-up of six members, but now five-- Reddick, made his wealth in real estate and construction. Vostock, black market finance and KGB... Zanubian, arms dealing and shipping. Roswell, oil and minerals. Anthony Haden-Scott, worldwide media.
: ''[Rex munches]''
: '''Rex:''' Should we be writing this down for the pop quiz later?
: '''White Knight:''' You may be facing them soon because of the efforts of our stealthiest agent.
: '''Rex:''' Mm! Thank you! I think.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' He's not talking about you.
: '''Rex:''' Hey! It's Evo-cat guy! Uh... sorry-- What's your name? O...kay, cat with no collar, what's in the sack? Bunch of canaries? Well, that's... something.
: '''White Knight:''' Our associate has been tracking the Consortium with a little help from a former member.
: '''Rex:''' I remember him! He's the one Rylander got revenge on with an EVO love letter.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' That he never recovered from. But he's still full of useful knowledge about the other members.
: '''Rex:''' As long as you have a towel handy for the answers.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' The Consortium has financed a new facility for nanite research. All of them will be at that location within the next six hours.
: '''Six:''' And so will we.
: '''White Knight:''' A rare opportunity like this can't be missed. You three will capture the Consortium and bring them to a secure location. Understood?
: '''Rex:''' Purrfectly.
: '''Black Knight:''' Gentlemen, I wanted you here today to--
: '''Reddick:''' &quot;Wanted?&quot; Sounds like a command.
: '''Vostok:''' ''[Russian accent]'' You get to ask, not order.
: '''Black Knight:''' I'm sorry. Let me restate. I asked you here because I can now present some major developments in your quest. I finished construction on the nanite reactor and reassembled against all odds the original science team to run it. Doctors Meechum, systems expert. Salazar, artificial intelligence. Rylander, microengineering. And Van Kleiss, biomechanical integration.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Nanite's recorder locked in. Hologram Rylander saves money on meals. Glow, glow, glow, yipper.
: ''[Van Kleiss smooches]''
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' A human flashlight and a brain-fried babbler. This is what I'm supposed to work with.
: '''Vostok:''' Looks like your geniuses have some issues.
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' ''[British accent]'' I seem to recall there were two other Salazars on the team.
: '''Black Knight:''' They're dead-- And just as well. Considering their actions are responsible for our setbacks, I highly doubt they would have cooperated.
: ''[Jungle Cat snarls]''
: '''Black Pawns:''' Ohh!
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Rex:''' Black Pawns got to talk to their costume designer. Way too stuffy.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Be quiet.
: '''Six:''' Our target?
: '''Roswell:''' ''[Southern accent]'' Little lady, I'm hoping you didn't get me out here just to watch some lab jockeys do their homework.
: '''Vostok:''' I know I've got better things to do.
: '''Black Knight:''' Aside from the all-important reassembly of the science team and activation of the nanite reactor, I do have another development to show you.
: '''Roswell:''' Yeah? What else you got?
: '''Black Knight:''' An acquisition.
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Lost... and found.
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Jungle Cat:''' What's wrong with you?
: '''Rex:''' Forget the Consortium! I know where we can find a Master-Control Nanite.
: '''Six:''' Where?
: '''Rex''': Here.
: '''Six:''' We're doing both. You two get the nanite, I'll get the Consortium.
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' On of the five? That's all?
: '''Reddick:''' You know we need all of the Master-Control Nanites to do us any good.
: '''Vostok:''' What about the two you lost? And the other two still out there?
: '''Black Knight:''' We'll have the other four in due time. Take this back to the vault. But remember that each one has its own useful powers. : '''Roswell:''' Not enough to drag me all the way out there, little lady.
: '''Black Knight:''' &quot;Black Knight&quot;.
: '''Black Pawns:''' You're not one of us.
: '''Six:''' Stay clear of the Pawns. They're not buying our cover. Repeat-- Stay clear of the Pawns.
: '''Rex:''' Steel door. A vault!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Jungle Cat:''' That was close.
: '''Rex:''' Got it. Have to be as stealthy as you from now on.
: ''[Jungle Catsnarls]''
: ''[Jungle Cat snarling]''
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Van Kleiss!
: ''[Jungle Cat muffled grunting]''
: '''Rex:''' Way not to be stealthy. Sorry, cat guy. I know you want payback for him turning you into stone and all, but the nanite is more important.
: '''Black Pawns:''' Security alert. Intruder.
: ''[Jungle Cat snarls]''
: '''Jungle Cat:''' You find the nanite. I'll be a diversion.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' She has shown us some progress. That one nanite is significant in itself.
: '''Reddick:''' It's all five or nothing. Or are you thinking of working a separate deal with the one?
: '''Vostok:''' Can we please not talk like this while those two are in the room?
: '''Roswell:''' Yeah, Xanubian, put a sock in all your yammerin'.
: '''Black Pawns:''' Another intruder at security zone three. It's Agent Six.
: '''Rex:''' Gotcha.
: '''Black Pawns:''' Unh! Aah!
: '''Rex:''' I'll take that. Six! I've got the nanite!
: '''Six:''' Meet your outside.
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: ''[Jungle Cat snarls]''
: '''Rex:''' I've got it! Let's scat, cat!
: '''Black Knight:''' If he's here-- So is Rex. Vault security, come in.
: '''Reddick:''' Is there a problem?
: '''Black Knight:''' A minor security issue. I'm taking care of it.
: '''Vostok:''' ''[Russian accent]'' You better, little lady.
: '''Rex:''' Well, mission half accomplished.
: '''Six:''' This should complete it.
: '''Rex:''' You planted a bomb?!
: '''Six:''' Plan &quot;B&quot;.
: '''Rex:''' The cat! He's still inside! No!! We've got to go back for the cat! He's on his own mission. Van Kleiss is there.
: '''Six:''' Understood.
: '''Black Pawns:''' Black Knight, shouldn't we evacuate?
: '''Black Knight:''' The security threat has been removed. Among other things. Track them, find them.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Interlace template, instal copper buffers, hold the mayo, set core temp, heat cold fries.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Remember me?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Someone let the cat in.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' You cast me aside as if I was garbage. Turned me to stone. Drained me of life-- Almost. Now it's your turn to suffer.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Had a kitty once. Not you. Bubbles liked catnip and parsnips. Chapped lips. Hip, hip, hooray!
: ''[Jungle Cat growls]''
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' If you're here to clean up, ask for directions, not Dr. Screwloose.
: '''Rex:''' Ugh! Meechum. Bro. He's here to put Van Kleiss out of the world's misery. Give me a reason why he shouldn't.
: ''[Jungle Cat growls]''
: '''Rylander:''' Because the world needs him right now, Rex.
: '''Rex:''' Dr. Rylander! How did you--
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Rex:''' You got it to work.
: '''Rylander:''' I've looked better, I'll admit, but I'm still very much alive. And so happy to see you again.
: '''Rex:''' If you could bring him back--
: '''Caesar:''' Sorry, Rex. It won't work for mom and dad.
: '''Rex:''' So, you've come back-- But you're working for them! It seems crazy, I know, but look at our progress-- The nanite reactor is almost operational.
: '''Rex:''' Not if I destroy it.
: '''Black Knight:''' Surround them.
: '''Caesar:''' Trust me, hermano, We're doing the right thing.
: '''Rex:''' You keep saying that, but I don't believe it anymore!
: ''[Jungle Cat snarls]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Bubbles, I'm sorry. Here, kitty, kitty. Left you out in the rain, rain go away--
: ''[Jungle Cat snarls]''
: ''[Jungle Cat snarling]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Ugh! Easy on the hot sauce, Peter, Peter pumpkin two seater.
: '''Rylander:''' Tell him, Caesar.
: '''Rex:''' Tell me what?
: '''Six:''' Revenge time is up.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Jungle Cat snarls]''
: ''[Jungle Cat roars]''
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' Aah! Careful! Our work! Ugh! Take it outside!
: '''Rex:''' Ugh!
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Rex. Rex Salazar.
: '''Rex:''' I can't talk now! Ugh!
: '''Black Knight:''' Thank you.
: '''Rex:''' You're so not welcome.
: '''Black Knight:''' You should have left when you had the chance.
: ''[Black Knight grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' You guys have such a great cafeteria.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Had to come back for more.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Aah! Unh!
: '''Six:''' Unh!
: ''[Black Knight grunting]''
: '''Black Knight:''' Unh!
: '''Six:''' UNNNNNNNNH!
: '''Black Knight:''' Ugh!
: ''[Jungle Cat snarls]''
: '''Rex:''' Let's say adiós.
: '''Six:''' There's still plan &quot;B&quot;.
: '''Rex:''' We're not assassins.
: '''Six:''' You're not. This might be our one chance.
: '''Rex:''' To be like them? Then what makes us different?
: '''Six:''' Go. I'm right behind you.
: '''Roswell:''' You brought us into an ambush! Right behind you, Mr. Chatterbox.
: '''Vostok:''' You are cowards.
: '''Reddick:''' Graveyards are full of dummies that thought they were though.
: '''Vostok:''' Black Knight, we have a lot to discuss about your future.
: '''Black Knight:''' By all means, let's talk.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Where's Six?
: '''Rex:''' He said he was right behind us.
: '''Six:''' I am. The Consortium still has to be dealt with.
: '''Rex:''' We now have three Master Control Nanites. I'd say the Consortium has to deal with us.
: '''Six:''' Understood.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Purrfectly.
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' I'm shocked. What happened?
: '''Black Knight:''' It seems Vostok had an unfortunate run-in with our intruders as he was leaving. But, there's good news. The reactor is gone. Soon we will have all the nanites we need.
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' &quot;We&quot;?
: '''Black Knight:''' I think it's time we walked about my promotion.

===Convergence===
===Enter the Nanite World===

===Enemies Mine===
: '''Valve:''' Battle is to be waged between your courage and my power. You lose.
: '''Gatlocke:''' Valve, my friend. Lovely day for a riot, don't you think?
: '''Valve:''' What do you want, Gatlocke?
: '''Gatlocke:''' I want lots of things-- A doomsday weapon, my own private island, for my mom to stop calling me to fix her computer. But what I really want is to give you a message. It's time. I suppose I'll make the introductions.
: '''Valve:''' A biker needs no introduction. And everyone knows Hunter Cain.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Everything is going according to plan. We get one more thing. Then we get wrecked.
: '''Rex:''' Sorry we're late.
: '''Bobo:''' We're not late. We're fashionably early.
: '''Providence Agent:''' I was starting to think I was on my own. I've been calling for help, but  Providence hasn't answered.
: '''Six:''' What set this off?
: '''Providence Agent:''' No idea. One moment everything was fine. The next moment, complete chaos.
: '''Rex:''' I'm heading in. I'll lock up when I'm done. Oh, don't bother getting up. I'm just gonna knock you back down again.
: '''Bobo:''' Back in your cages, you filthy animals!
: '''Rex:''' Huh? What? You? It's a who's-who of old EVOs. Whew! Really not in the mood for this. You're kidding me. You?!
: '''Gatlocke:''' Three men, one objective, no rules. Oh, this is exciting, isn't it? Or is it just me?
: '''Valve:''' The others are saying that Rex is here. Rex will get his when we're ready.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Watch yourselves. This one's unpredictable. We know what you want, No-Face. Then we can give it to you. Do what we say. Then you'll get Rex. You'll get the chance to tear Rex apart. Piece by piece. Now we're ready.
: '''Rex:''' So you remember who I am. Surprised you have a big enough brain for that. These cells are pretty dull. Let's redecorate. No way I'm letting an EVO get won over on me. Especially a big old frog.
: '''Gatlocke:''' Almost out. Freedom is just a... Bottomless ravine away.
: '''Valve:''' The biker begs the question, how are we getting across?
: '''Gatlocke:''' You know that's not really how begging the question is supposed to be used. Are we kidding? Anyone who gets worked up over that phrase needs to be savagely beaten.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' This'll override the drawbridge system.
: '''Gatlocke:''' Ooh, now how would someone like you procure something like that?
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Friends and hide places.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, frog legs. Let's put you in solitary confinement.
: '''Bobo:''' Do you look like you got run over by an overstuffed garbage truck?
: '''Rex:''' Feels like it. This is a prison riot. Where's Providence? They should be all over this.
: '''Six:''' They never responded to any calls.
: '''Rex:''' It's a setup. Providence wanted this to happen. But why?
: '''Six:''' Six here. Go ahead.
: '''Rex:''' Wait. This bridge wasn't down before.
: '''Bobo:''' Yeah. About that. Some of the prisoners escaped together. Gatlocke...
: '''Rex:''' That's bad.
: '''Bobo:''' Hunter Cain...
: '''Rex:''' That's even worse!
: '''Bobo:''' Valve.
: '''Rex:''' That's... Really? Valve?
: '''Bobo:''' Yeah. And No-Face.
: '''Rex:''' Those four are loose? Together?
: '''Six:''' We've got a bigger problem.
: '''Rex:''' How can it be bigger than this?
: '''Six:''' The EVOs in the city-- The only thing keeping them tame are their control collars.
: '''Rex:''' And this is a problem because...?
: '''Six:''' Because someone has shut them all down.
: '''Rex:''' Let me get that for you.
: '''Bobo:''' Dumpster dog. Considering you used to ride around in the Paris, I guess you're moving up in the world. Main to your mud.
: '''Six:''' Are you injured?
: '''Rex:''' Just worn out. Is this day over yet?
: '''Bobo:''' Oh! Signs pointing no.
: '''Rex:''' Huh? That came from the track. Can you handle things here?
: '''Bobo:''' Only one way to find out. Valve. Those nanite superchargers you keep using are bad for your health.
: '''Valve:''' If I were you, I'd be more concerned with your own short-term health.
: '''Rex:''' Please, like I have anything to worry about from you. The other three, they're dangerous. You, you're just comedy relief.
: '''Valve:''' I am not. Comedy relief.
: '''Rex:''' Well, you're not funny, that's for sure.
: '''Valve:''' Like the road that continues on, so must the biker.
: '''Rex:''' Where did he go so? Ew! Get away from my tacos, cockroach! Huh? You running away? I'll give you this much, Valve. Maybe you're getting smarter.
: '''No-Face:''' Unlike you.
: '''Rex:''' I put you away once, No-Face. I'll do it again.
: '''No-Face:''' The one who makes machines. The one we've been waiting for.
: '''Rex:''' Huh? Figures you try to shoot a guy in the back.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' All I see is a filthy EVO.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, first off, that Lai is tired. Second off, last time I checked, you're teaming up with one. Would that make you an EVO lover? All this hide and seek is wearing me down! Huh? Figures.
: '''Gatlocke:''' Leaving so soon? That's not going to impress the hiring committee. Now, let's see what we have here. &quot;Honor roll, A/V Club.&quot; Ugh. &quot;Glee Club.&quot; ''[Scoffs]'' I'm going to have to be brutally honest with you. You're perfect for my gang. Can you sing soprano? My last soprano drove his motorcycle off a cliff. He survived, but his voice was never the same. By the way, can you fly? This is quite the surprise. I'm willing to hire you, Rex, but you better have some excellent references.
: '''Rex:''' Back to prison, Gatlocke!
: '''Gatlocke:''' Then consider the offer rescinded! You could be a valued member of my gang. It's a tough job market out there, you know?
: '''Rex:''' I'd never work for you!
: '''Gatlocke:''' No, not with that attitude, you wouldn't. Welcome to my gang. Your first task is to destroy Rex-- That guy right there.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Gatlocke:''' Your second task is to complete harassment training. I teach the class. This pamphlet explains everything.
: '''Rex:''' No, no, no!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, come in. What's happening?
: '''Rex:''' One really bad day.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Your nanite readings are off the charts.
: '''Rex:''' No surprise. I've been fighting and curing EVOs non stop.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' We need to upload your nanites immediately.
: '''Rex:'''  Now? Doc, my four worst enemies are still on the loose. Well, my three worst enemies in Valve. Plus the city's in chaos. And where in the world is Providence? How come they're not here dealing with this?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Six and Bobo can mop up the last few EVOs. You have to offload.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, fine. But we better make it fast.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' You'll be locked in the chamber for one hour.
: '''Rex:''' Just do it, Doc.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' This could be a long sixty minutes.
: '''Valve:''' According to the tracking bug, Rex is inside.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Gentlemen, this is what we've been waiting for. It's time for Rex to die.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' They followed him.
: '''Gatlocke:''' After we kill Rex. We should work together and form a team call ourselves... Gatlocke and the kitty cats.
: '''Valve:''' Silence your mouth or the biker will silence it for you.
: '''Gatlocke:''' Oh, Valve. You can pretend to be angry, but deep down, you know you're a kitty cat.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' They know we're here.
: '''Gatlocke:''' You're quite feisty. Have you ever considered a career in the fast growing field of post apocalyptic gangs?
: '''Valve:''' She has spirit. Valve the biker will see that spirit crushed.
: '''Gatlocke:''' You're Gatlocke's favorite kitty cat. Hmm. Rrr.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Don't follow her. She's trying to lead us away from Rex. Rex is close-by.
: '''Valve:''' Rex's chamber... Five minutes to spare.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' More than enough time.
: '''Gatlocke:''' I could have sworn that we'd agreed to take Rex out together.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' I'm changing the terms of the deal if you have a problem with that, feel free to stand right where you are. I've waited a long time for this. Rex!
: '''Valve:''' Empty? Or a trick of the mind?
: '''Rex:''' Isn't that obvious? Then again, that tracking bug you stuck on me was obvious, too. And the fake countdown? Obvious. It only took me thirty minutes to upload my nanites. You wanted to run me ragged so you could get me. Instead, here you are all in one place. Gotcha!
: '''Valve:''' UGHH!
: '''Rex:''' UGHHHH! I still don't get why you enlisted Valve. I mean, he's really a third-string bad guy.
: '''Valve:''' Valve is the biker. A biker is dangerous.
: '''Rex:''' Hmm. Yeah. No.
: '''Valve:''' Rrrr!
: '''Rex:''' So unpredictable. Like a third-string bad guy.
: '''Valve:''' AAAAH!
: '''Gatlocke:''' I have a horrible sneaking suspicion that he's winning.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Then do something about it!
: '''Gatlocke:''' Don't have to yell. A kind word will get you much further.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Gatlocke:''' UGHHH! Oh! Oh! Oh ho ho! Ouch! My back! My front and my back! OHH! This is total, total agony!
: ''[Gatlocke gasps]''
: '''Gatlocke:''' ''[Calmly]'' I'm okay. Really. I'm fine.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' You're lucky. I'll give you that. But you're only delaying the inevitable. You can't beat us all!
: '''Rex:''' I never intended to. This offload facility? I reprogrammed it. My surplus nanites aren't being stored. They're powering the shield.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' It's a trap!
: '''Rex:''' Have fun keeping each other company!
: '''Bobo:''' What a day.
: '''Rex:''' You know, none of this would have happened if Providence hadn't released the convicts and turned out all those EVOs.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' They did that to keep you busy.
: '''Rex:''' Keep me busy from what?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' The Nanite Project. We just found out. While we dealt with the EVOs, Black Knight got her hands on another Master-Control Nanite.
: '''Rex:''' Then it's time.

===Sinister Secrets===
===Wounded Hearts===
===One Step Ahead===
===Breaking Point===
===Behind Closed Doors===

===Keeping Hope===
===Trust===

===Terror of the Black Knight===

===Endgame, Part One===
: '''Rex:''' It was going to happen sooner or later. We had most of the pieces, so it was only a matter of time before the Black Knight made her move. And of all the chances she had to attack, it had to be tonight... at this very moment... while I was in the shower. Huh? How many?
: '''Six:''' Should it matter?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Can't you do any better than that?
: '''Bobo:''' I thought you'd never ask.
: '''Rex:''' Rah! Yah!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' If they get to the Meta-Nanites, we still have options.
: '''Rex:''' Of the self-destruct kind? No, thanks, Doc. It's not going to end that way... hopefully.
: '''Black Knight:''' We'll dispense with the pleasantries. You know what we want.
: '''Rex:''' There is no way you're walking out of here with the nanites.
: '''Black Knight:''' You seem so certain.
: '''Rex:''' We've beaten you before. Every single time, in fact. So, this time is different... How? Okay, that's different. Ugh! You're an EVO?!
: '''Black Knight:''' Do you think you were the only one they experimented on back in the day? You were the guinea pig. Consider me the new-and-improved version.
: '''Rex:''' Okay. Before we go any further, I should probably explain a few things. It started when a bunch of rich guys decided they wanted to live forever, so they got the best scientists in the world to figure out how. The answer was nanites. These microscopic machines would cure disease, end hunger, and pretty much make the world a better place. My parents and older brother were on the team, and so was this guy. Look familiar? Van Kleiss. Then one day there was an accident. To save my life, my parents injected me with nanites. It worked. But there were a few crazy side effects, like the fact I could talk to machines and, later on, build some pretty cool things. That got the rich guys thinking-- How far could we take this? Turns out pretty far. These little machines could control the very fabric of the Universe, but they would need a Master Control Nanite to program all the others and tell them what to do. Energy, gravity, time/space, elemental, mechanical-- All the things that make the Universe run. Combined together, they would pretty much make you a God. And when my brother and parents found out the Consortium was about to put these nanites inside themselves, they sort of freaked out in a &quot;got to save the Earth&quot; kind of way. Something had to be done to stop it. Turns out that meant blowing the whole thing up, better known as &quot;The Nanite Event&quot;. That didn't end well for my parents. While everyone else ran away, my parents were trapped inside. Sill not sure how. There was some good news-- No more Master Control Nanites. And the bad news? Dangerous unprogrammed nanites got spread across the world, and nanites plus DNA equals EVO. My brother Caesar got caught in a time warp during his escape. Van Kleiss got blown to smithereens and became the world's biggest pain in the nanite. And me? I got amnesia and traveled the globe living the good life... At least, that's how I tell it. The only part I know of wasn't all that much to brag about. I did get some good friends and a few enemies out of the deal. Turns out that losing my memory was a regular thing for me. Last time I woke up and said, &quot;Who Am I?&quot; It was when this guy found me-- Agent Six. He worked for Providence, sort of a global police force created to clean up after the event. It was paid for mostly by the same group of goons that started the whole thing-- The Consortium. It was great for a while. I had my own personal doctor, a chimp sidekick, a cool best friend to hang with. I was a full-fledged hero. The world loved me, and my powers kept getting better and better. Van Kleiss was still a pain, but I managed to take care of him. A few times, actually. Then things started to get not so cool. My brother shows up from out of nowhere. I get thrown six months into the future to find White Knight kicked out of Providence and this lady in charge-- Black Knight. She's been the lapdog of the Consortium from day one, and now her bosses want to pick up where they left off. Most of the old team of scientists have been reunited, and together, they've restarted the nanite program. The Master Control Nanites were spread across the globe in the first explosion, and we've been racing against Providence to get them back. So far, we've been winning that fight, and that pretty much brings us to right now.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Black Knight grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' The Black Pawns are robots?!
: '''Black Knight:''' Total obedience at the flip of a switch. Can you blame me?
: '''Black Pawn:''' What's so funny?
: '''Six:''' I hold back against people. You're not people.
: ''[Bobo Haha grunts]''
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Black Knight grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Huh? Ugh!
: '''Feakins:''' Hey! Hey! Take it easy, would you? Oh!
: '''Rex:''' Fitzy?!
: '''Feakins:''' Heh? Sorry, guy. They found me. She's hard to say &quot;No&quot; to... and live.
: '''Black Knight:''' Well put, Mr. Feakins. And thanks to his unique ability, we can set aside our nanite enhancements and do this the old-fashioned way.
: '''Rex:''' Come on. That's not fair. I'm unarmed!
: '''Black Knight:''' Precisely.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Stop! Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad idea.
: '''Rex:''' Listen to the crazy guy.
: '''Black Knight:''' Why are you here, Van Kleiss?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I forgot. Oh, no, wait. I remember. He's got a Master Control Nanite swallowed up inside him. It's been hiding, the naughty thing.
: '''Rex:''' On second thought, don't listen to him. He's, uh-- He's crazy, remember?
: '''Black Knight:''' You're sure of this?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Oh, yes, yes. Quite sure. Do you have any mints?
: '''Black Knight:''' I want Rex at the lab. Restrain and sedate him.
: '''Rex:''' How, hold on a minute.
: '''Feakins:''' Hey! What about me?
: '''Black Knight:''' I'm not taking any chances. He stays with Rex. Kill the others.
: '''Rex:''' Ugh! Ahh.
: '''Master-Control Nanite:''' Human.
: '''Rex:''' What are you telling me? What do you want?
: '''Master-Control Nanite:''' Complete. Complete. Complete. Complete. Complete.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, I get it. How?
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Caesar:''' Calm down, Rex. You're safe.
: '''Rex:''' Safe?! Black Knight and her robo-troopers just came knocking, and Van crazy says I have a Master Control Nanite inside me!
: '''Caesar:''' Fascinating, isn't it? All this time, it's been hiding undetected inside you. I wonder if this particular control unit is responsible for his unique nano-evolution.
: '''Rex:''' Are any of you even listening to me?
: '''Feakins:''' Boy, I am. It's like a movie but real! I just want to go start pressing buttons. Can I get another milkshake?
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' How exactly do you plan on getting it out of him?
: '''Black Knight:''' I have a suggestion. Tear it out.
: '''Rylander:''' It would kill him.
: '''Black Knight:''' That's none of my concern.
: '''Caesar:''' The nanite is tied to his DNA. Simply pulling it out of him would ruin the nanite.
: '''Rex:''' And me, too, remember?
: '''Caesar:''' The only way this will work is if we put him in the cyclotron with the other Metas. It should extract automatically during the reassembly.
: '''Black Knight:''' And if it doesn't?
: '''Caesar:''' Hmm. Good question.
: '''Rex:''' Here's another one-- Don't I get a say in this? Like, isn't this the exact thing that our parents died trying to stop?
: '''Black Knight:''' Take him to the hub and prepare for the transfer. The Consortium is here and extremely impatient. I want this finished within the hour.
: '''Feakins:''' Aah! Hey, what am I-- Sandpaper? Not so rough! ''[sputtering]'' Rough.
: '''Rex:''' Glad someone can see the humor in this.
: '''Black Knight:''' Van Kleiss, see that Rex is well taken care of.
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' I hope you know what you're doing, Salazar. This is a huge risk we're taking.
: '''Rylander:''' Listen to Peter. The thing we swore to stop at any cost, the thing that took your parents-- It could happen-- Right here, today.
: '''Caesar:''' It can't, and it won't. You'll have to trust me on this.
: '''Rylander:''' You can only say that so many times, Caesar.
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' We've been waiting almost an hour. Not even refreshments?
: '''Black Knight:''' You can have your snack after we become Gods.
: '''Roswell:''' &quot;We&quot;?
: '''Black Knight:''' That's right-- &quot;We.&quot; None of this would be possible without my efforts.
: '''Roswell:''' And our money, sister.
: '''Black Knight:''' By all means, have your contempt. There's plenty of room buried next to the Russian if you'd like to keep him company. That's what I thought. Now, if you'll follow me--
: '''Bobo:''' &quot;Kill the others.&quot; Not gonna happen, lady. We're bulletproof. Ow! Hangnail.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Ugh! We know where they took him. Why are we here? We need to go get Rex.
: '''Six:''' I agree. We just don't have the resources, Rebecca. We'd need an army.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' You've been known to make the impossible happen, Six. How hard could that be?
: '''Six:''' Six here. Copy that. We just got ourselves an army.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' You see?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' That will be all.
: '''Feakins:''' But the lady said-- Good luck, Kid.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' These restraints were made for you. You're very special, you know.
: '''Rex:''' Lucky me.
: '''Caesar:''' Van Kleiss... leave us.
: '''Rex:''' I really hate you.
: '''Caesar:'''I know how this looks, Rex.
: '''Rex:''' But what? I just have to trust you? Is that what you were going to say? Just help me-- Please.
: '''Caesar:''' It may not seem like it, but I am.
: '''Rex:''' Caesar... I'm scared.
: '''Caesar:''' So am I, little brother. This will all be over in a few minutes.
: '''Rex:''' It's already over! When I get out of this, I never want to see you again!
: '''Rylander:''' Commencing countdown.
: '''Roswell:''' WHOO-HOO!
: '''Reddick:''' Payback time!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Caesar:''' This won't be entirely unpleasant. It should feel similar to when you offload surplus nanites.
: '''Rex:''' Stop! You can't do this! You can't merge!
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' Something's wrong.
: '''Rylander:''' Of course something's wrong. The kid is fighting it.
: '''Caesar:''' This could be bad.
: '''Rylander:''' You have to tell him, Caesar.
: '''Caesar:''' Rex, you have to stop. Listen to me. The nanites are supposed to do-- Rex? Can you hear me?
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' Actually, he can't. There's a short in the comm relay.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' This would be a wonderful day for a picnic.
: '''Rex:''' RA-A-A-A-A-A-H!
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' Ugh!
: '''Black Knight:''' Ugh!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' So much for that plan.
: ''[Rex laughs]''
: '''Rex:''' Oh, serves you right. All that and you come out of the oven looking like freaks. Nice job!
: '''Black Knight:''' It's not exactly what we were expecting, but it's a start.
: '''Reddick:''' This isn't what we agreed to.
: '''Roswell:''' Where's the rest of our power? This is all messed up!
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' How can this be possible?
: '''Rylander:''' The Meta-Nanites were dispersed between the five. This is quite a surprise.
: '''Caesar:''' We've got to get Rex out of there. Step aside, Van Kleiss.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' They still don't have what they want... and neither do you.
: '''Black Knight:''' You're angry. I can see that. If you want to take it out on anyone, it should be Rex.
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' I think I can agree to that.
: '''Roswell:''' Count me in! This might actually be fun!
: '''Rex:''' Let's think about this for a second. Whoa!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' How 'bout that? Exactly one second. Whoa! Aah!
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' What a perfect way to learn to use our powers-- Tearing this brat apart.
: '''Rex:''' Only one problem with that, sparky. I've been using my powers a whole lot longer-- And I'm pretty good.
: '''Roswell:''' You got any ideas here, missy, or we gonna stand around and get it handed to us?
: '''Black Knight:''' The Meta-Nanites were designed to work together. So will we.
: '''Rex:''' What? Are you gonna join together to make a robo-mutant?
: '''Black Knight:''' That's exactly what we're going to do.
: '''Rex:''' I need to stop giving them ideas. Huh?
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Black Knight:''' No one the help you-- No family, no friends, nothing. It's a terrible way to go.
: '''White Knight:''' Captain Calan, target the base. All weapons, sire.
: '''Providence Agent:''' Fire control reports they're being jammed, sir.
: '''White Knight:''' Only one salvo. Black Knight must have prepared for this.
: ''[Rex groans softly]''
: '''Rex:''' Big giant robot. Black Knight.
: '''Six:''' We know.
: '''Rex:''' Have to... stay and stop them.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Another time, Rex.
: '''Rex:''' I-I--
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Holiday to White Knight. We have Rex.
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' We're just gonna watch them go?!
: '''Black Knight:''' Let Providence have their weapon back. With our combined power, the world is ours.

===Endgame, Part Two===
:'''Black Knight:''' Science has given us a tremendous gift-- Nanites. We've seen what they can do-- The good and the bad. But they're true potential has been largely unseen. Until now. Our goals are varied. Fame... power... revenge... wealth... order. Yet, one thing unites us-- Greed. You're surprised I admit it? Well, don't be. You'll never get far in life without wanting it all. And for those who might consider standing in our way... We'll let our powers speak for themselves. The world is ours. And no one can stop us.
:''[Roswell laughs]''
:'''Roswell:''' This is more fun than my first rodeo. What else you got?
:'''Six:''' Any change?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' He's sleeping. The nanites in him are making repairs. That's a good thing. He's a tough kid, Six.
:'''Six:''' I know.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' See you next time. Judging by what you fed us for lunch, I'm guessing twenty minutes. Can't even go to the little scientists' room without them breathing down our necks. How long are we going to put up with this?
:'''Caesar:''' I know it's not easy working under these circumstances.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' Do you? I don't hear you complaining, or have you even noticed that we're prisoniers?
:'''Rylander:''' Gentlemen, please. Can we focus on a more important problem? The Consortium's gain of power is a troubling outcome. Something should be done.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' If you're talking about stopping them, I'm listening.
:'''Black Knight:''' I want you all in the boardroom in three minutes.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' The world is being taken over by nanite-fueled ex-c.e.o. Psychos, and they still act like they're running a business.
:'''Roswell:''' You nerds gave us a raw deal. I want a do-over.
:'''Caesar''': A do-over?
:'''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' What my colleague means to say is that our powers are remarkable to be sure, but we only have one seventh of what we were promised.
:'''Rylander:''' You're asking a lot.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' You're asking the impossible. You'd be lucky to survive the extraction.
:'''Caesar:''' This is true. You may be powerful, but you're not Rex.
:'''Black Knight:''' I share your disappointment, gentlemen. But are you willing to lose everything for this?
:'''Roswell:''' Go big or go home.
:'''Black Knight:''' Van Kleiss, what do you have to say?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Easy-peasy. I can do it. It's only a matter of correctly calibrating the bio-filters with the homing frequency of the nanites. By the way, have you seen my socks?
:'''Caesar:''' Van Kleiss--
:'''Black Knight:''' Has an assignment. The rest of you... Stay out of trouble.
:'''Rex:''' You started without me.
:'''Six:''' Glad to see you up and around. Something bothering you?
:'''Rex:''' Besides black knight taking over the world? I'm trying to find my friends. I know Providence took them.
:'''Six:''' We're working on that.
:'''Rex:''' And are we doing anything about the Consortium? What about... The robot? The one I can build. Don't play dumb, Six.
:'''Six:''' Come with me.
:'''Rex:''' That's me? No way! All this time, I could have been making myself into that thing? Ohh! Maybe not.
:'''Six:''' Evidence suggest that you've never been able to control it. It's a weapon of last defense. This was filmed on the day that I found you. It was also the day I made a promise that it would be the last time you ever built this machine.
:''[Rex scoffs]''
:'''Rex:''' Or what, you'd kill me? You plan on keeping that promise?
:'''Six:''' Rex, you have to know something. We believe this is the type of thing that ends in you losing your memory.
:'''Rex:''' Well, it happened to you, and you turned out just fine.
:'''Six:''' I only lost six years. Six years is all you have. You would lose everything. I'm not gonna tell you what to do, but you need to think about the consequences of some of your options.
:'''Noah:''' It feels weird hanging out when the world is under attack. I don't know if I should be fighting back or out in the wilderness setting up a survival compound.
:'''Rex:''' If you had the power to stop all this, but it meant losing everything, would you do it, Noah?
:'''Noah:''' I don't know. I'm just glad I don't have to make that kind of decision. I guess that's why you're the hero.
:''[Rex sighs]''
:'''Rex:''' I wish I could get some kind of sign. Anything. Hmm.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Red and yellow, red and yellow. One false move can kill a fellow.
:''[Van Kleiss laughs]''
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' He's got local control. We're locked out. I still don't even know how this is possible.
:'''Rylander:''' I've been looking at the data projections. As crazy as Van Kleiss is, his theory is sound.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Sorry to disturb your sleepy sleep. There might be a slight delay.
:'''Black Knight:''' Why?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' We have a visitor. Should I set out tea?
:'''Rex:''' Hey, in there! Come on out!
:'''Black Knight:''' Back for more? Happy to accommodate.
:'''Rex:''' I should warn you. It's going to get ugly.
:'''Black Knight:''' One would think you would have learned the last time. I can feel you resisting me. Stop.
:'''Roswell:''' Why is it you get to call all the shots?
:'''Black Knight:''' Because I'm the one who has the power to join us. Help me defeat Rex, and you can call all the shots you like.
:'''Rex:''' Hyah!
:''[Rex babbling]''
:''[Rex gasps]''
:'''Six:''' It's a weapon of last defense. It's happened.
:'''Noah:''' That's Rex?
:'''White Knight:''' I'm going to assume you're seeing what I'm seeing.
:'''Six:''' White--
:'''White Knight:''' Before you say anything, Six-- Whatever agreement we may have had regarding this situation no longer applies. Am I clear?
:'''Six:''' Understood.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': What was that all about?
:'''Six:''' A second chance.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Six, we have to do something.
:'''Six:''' I've seen it before. We're too late.
:''[Rex coughing]''
:'''Rex:''' Donde esta mi zapato?
:'''Noah:''' Rex! Hold on!
:'''Rex:''' What? What happened?
:'''Bobo:''' You blew up, kid.
:'''Six:''' Do you know who we are?
:'''Rex:''' I... I do! Oh-ho! I remember! Ow! Ow! I wish I could forget this pain in my... The Consortium!
:'''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' This is utter nonsense. I refuse to be led around like a show dog.
:'''Reddick:''' You can always go back outside and take it up with Providence.
:'''Black Knight:''' Guard the door. Nothing gets by you.
:'''Six:''' They're robots.
:'''Rex:''' Oh! Right! That part I forgot.
:'''Bobo:''' Next time, leave some for the rest of us, huh?
:'''Rylander:''' I'll stay here and guard the equipment.
:''[Rylander laughs]''
:'''Caesar:''' Little brother, they've had this place completely locked down. I've been trying to reach you.
:'''Bobo:''' What he said.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' Yeah, you deserved that.
:'''Rex:''' Open it.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' We can't. Still completely locked out of the system. Besides, you can't interrupt once the cycle has started.
:'''Rex:''' Well, then, un-start it!
:'''Black Knight:''' You cleaned up for the occasion. How thoughtful of you.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Oh, this isn't for you. You didn't actually believe that I'd let the five of you have all this power.
:'''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' I thought you were working for us?
:''[Van Kleiss laughs evilly]''
:'''Rex:''' You see that? I knew it! He's not crazy! Okay... oh! He's crazy, but just his usual crazy.
:'''Black Knight:''' Van Kleiss, I am not amused.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I don't imagine you would be. This was always my intention, even in the very beginning. It's a pity your parents caught me trying to activate the sequence for myself. And, of course, there's the &quot;broken&quot; hatch. The world would be a much better place if they had just left well enough alone.
:'''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' Black Knight, do something.
:'''Black Knight:''' Van Kleiss, you have made a huge mistake.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Now, then, let the fun begin.
:''[Black Knight groans]''
:''[Van Kleiss laughs evilly]''
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' You can't overload that relay from a subdirectory. You have to get a root. It's impossible from here.
:'''Caesar:''' You're a very negative person, Peter Meechum.
:''[Dr. Meechum groans]''
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' I'll try from the main terminal in the lab.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Caesar:''' Rex, wait! That's not necessary.
:'''Rex:''' I'm not waiting around, hermano.
:'''Caesar:''' No. That's not what I mean.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Yes. I can see it.
:''[Van Kleiss laughs evilly]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Huh? No.
:''[Van Kleiss groans]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It's incredible something so small could have so much [[w:Omnipotence|power]]. That thing could rip apart the very fabric of the universe.
:'''Rex:''' It's still a nanite. I'm gonna talk to it.
:'''Caesar:''' No. It's okay.
:''[The fully complete Meta Nanite comes to Rex, as if it were waiting for him, whose eyes and body glow with a pale blue cosmic aura.]''
:'''Caesar:''' Rex, listen to me. The Meta-Nanite-- It could never work in anyone but you. Now in its pure state. Mom and dad, we programmed them that way from the very beginning. All of this... It's meant for you.
:'''Six:''' What are you saying?
:'''Caesar:''' Right now, Rex is [[Omnipotence|the most powerful being in the universe]].
:'''Bobo:''' You hear that, Kid? Don't let it get to your head.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, can you hear me?
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, doc. This is pretty trippy. Not exactly sure what I'm supposed to do now.
:'''Black Knight:''' You're a [[God]], Rex. You can do anything you want.
:'''Six:''' You know what to do.
:'''Rex:''' You're right, Six. So are the rest of you. I can do anything I want. Maybe it's time for a revolution. Isn't that what you five wanted? A revolution? Well, welcome to it.
:'''Noah:''' Is he gonna be like this from now on?
:'''Rylander:''' Uh... People. He's inside the nanite reactor.
:'''Dr. Holiday and Caesar:''' Inside?
:'''Rex:''' Okay, little guys. I need you to do something for me.
:'''Black Knight:''' Follow me, quickly.
:'''Reddick:''' I'm through following you. We trusted you everything, and look what we got.
:'''Black Knight:''' We may still be able to retain some of our abilities, but only if you follow me.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' Are you seeing this?
:'''Rylander:''' Tehnically, I don't have eyes, but yes.
:'''Providence Agent:''' Reports are coming in. EVO's all over the world are spontaneously curing.
:'''Six:''' Not spontaneous.
:'''Caesar:''' He must have programmed all the nanites in the reactor to initiate a worldwide cure event.
:'''Black Knight:''' What is your next directive?
:'''Rex:''' I don't want anyone using you again. Ever. And that includes me. Deactivate.
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex:''' I think it's over.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I think you're right.
:'''Caesar:''' I wanted to tell you, brother. So much was at stake.
:'''Rex:''' We're good. And we'll always be brothers.
:'''Diane Ferrah:''' Across the world, not an EVO to be found. After more than six years, it appears we've awoken from the nightmare.
:'''White Knight:''' The EVOs may be gone, but we still have nanites.
:'''Rex:''' Leave it to you to spoil  all the fun, White Knight.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' There are some people here to see you, Rex.
:'''Rex:''' Tuck? Cricket? Skwydd?
:'''Skwydd:''' Eh, I guess I should start going by Walter again.
:''[Rex runs to Circe and the two lovers share a close hug, happy to be together at last]''
:'''Rex:''' Uh... Are you...?
:'''Circe:''' I'm okay. Normal, but okay. I think you may have put yourself out of a job.
:'''Skywdd:''' Yeah. What are you gonna do? Go to school?
:'''Rylander:''' It was nice having the team back together. You know, we should find a new project.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' You kidding? I'd rather have root canal with a rake. Worst experience of my life.
:'''Caesar:''' Do you want to hear about some of my new ideas or not?
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' I'm listening.
:'''Rex:''' Finally.
:'''Six:''' Need anything?
:'''Rex:''' Nope. I'm good. There's always going to be something, isn't there?
:'''Six:''' Yes, there is.

==Characters==
===Main===
*Rex Salazar (Daryl Sabara)
*Six
*White Knight
*Bobo Haha
===Supporting===
*Circe (Tara Sands)
*Tuck (Dante Bosco) 
*Skwydd
*Cricket
*Beverley Holiday 
*Caesar Salazar
*Five
*Tres
*IV

===Villains===
*Van Kleiss
*The Pack
*Gatlocke
*Hunter Cain
*Quarry
*Black Knight
*The Consortium
===Couples===
*Dr. Rebecca Holiday &amp; Six
*Rex &amp; Circe
*Noah Nixon &amp; Claire Bowman
==Elements==
===Rex's Machines &quot;Builds&quot;===
*Big Fat Sword
*Buzz Saw
*Punk Busters
*Boogie Pack
*Cannon
*Smack Hands

===Rex's Other Abilities===
*Technopathy
*Data Manipulation
*Technological Manipulation 
*E.V.O. Curing
*Breach Detection
*Electronic Disruption

===Omega Nanite-Powered Builds===
*Blast Caster
*Funchucks
*Bad Axes
*Block Party
*Sky Slider
*Water Jet

==External Links==
{{wikipedia}}
* [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1636691/ Generator Rex] at [[Internet Movie Database]]
* [http://generatorrexpedia.wikia.com/wiki/Generator_Rex Generator Rex] at Wikia

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[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated science fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated superhero TV shows]]
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This is a list of quotes from the popular, yet cancelled animated television series ''[[w:Generator Rex|Generator Rex]]''. A video game and several chapter books were produced. 

The series supposedly &quot;[[w: cliffhanger|concluded]]&quot; with its third season, despite leaving many questions unanswered and crucial elements unresolved ''before'' the two-part Season 3 finale, ''Endgame''.
==Season One (2010-2011)==
===The Day That Everything Changed===
:'''Bobo''': Wheels or wings?
:'''Rex''': Wheels, I wanna tear something up.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Agent Six''': He just needs more training control of those emotions.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': He's a teenager that's like asking you to get a different color suit!
===String Theory===
:'''Biowulf:''' Master, we had a situation at the safe house. Meecham is cured. It was Rex.
:(''The camera zooms in on Van Kleiss whose expressive vindictive indeed'')
===Beyond the Sea===
:''Note'': Rex meets his [[w:love interest|love interest]] and sweetheart, Circe.
:────────────────────
:'''Rex''': Don't know what you're 24/7 is, but mine is 10% OH YEAH! And 90% uhh.
:────────────────────
:'''Rex:''' Outta the way!
:'''Circe:''' Uh!
:(''Rex and Circe both crash to the ground'')
:'''Rex:''' Are you okay? Did you see that awesome save?
: '''Circe:''' Sorry, I was busy trying not to get tackled by some nitwit.
: '''Rex:''' Yeah? How that work out for you? And who still uses the word &quot;nitwit&quot;? I'm Rex.
: '''Circe:''' I'm leaving.
: '''Rex:''' Hey, wait!
: '''Noah:''' Rex, you're up.
: ────────────────────
: '''Six:''' What about the new tracker?
: '''Doctor Holdiay:''' His nanites unbuilt it, just like all the other ones we tried sneaking in him. We're still receiving his biometric readings though. It's strange, they're all over the place. It's almost like his emotions are...shorting out.
: '''Six:''' He took an unusual interest in Calan's briefing about equatorial upticks.
: '''Doctor Holiday:''' And that's important because?
: '''Six:''' Rex has been acting stir-crazy and I heard the monkey mention something about spring break. ''[to workers]'' Scan all resort areas for his bio signature.
: ────────────────────
: '''Noah:''' Oh, you have got it all messed up. Falling for some girl? We're supposed to get them to dig us. Not the other way around.
: '''Rex:''' I don't know. There was something different about her. She's...right there. Later.
: ────────────────────
: '''Rex:''' Hey, wait up!
: '''Circe:''' Why are you following me?!
: '''Rex:''' Uh, I don't know exactly.
: '''Circe:''' Do you think I'm playing?!
: '''Rex:''' Well, if you are I'm down for another game. I thought maybe we could hang out. It is spring break, you know. Fun.
: '''Circe:''' I'm with my family. We're not really for fun.
: '''Rex:''' What! Who comes to the beach and doesn't have fun?
: (''Circe raises her hand'')
: '''Rex:''' Don't you think that's a little messed up?
: '''Circe:''' Maybe a little.
: '''Rex:''' So?
: '''Circe:''' I'm Circe.
: ────────────────────
: '''Rex:''' Hold on! 
: '''Circe:''' Woooo!
: '''Rex:''' Definitely better than my suggestion.
: '''Circe:''' Hunting for seashells is fun.
: (''both laugh'')
: '''Beach Guy:''' You two skid-marts up for a race to the beach?
: '''Circe:''' Well, if you drive as badly as for play volleyball, we could probably walk there and win. You're on, meathead.
: (''guy drives off in anger)''
: '''Rex:''' So you were watching me play.
: '''Circe:''' Maybe a little.
: '''Rex:''' sure you wanna do this?
: '''Circe:''' Thrill me.
: '''Beach Guy:''' Hahahaha! Wooo!
: '''Circe:''' C'mom Rex, faster!
: ────────────────────
: '''Biowulf:''' Explain.
: '''Circe:''' Relax. I was covering. Every day when I'm at the end of that jet i when I could hanging out with the other kids, it's starting to look suspicious.
: '''Biowulf:''' You're not here for vacation, girl! You're here to prove yourself to Van Kleiss. And I'm starting to doubt you can.
: '''Circe:''' I told you. It's a done deal.
: (''The shadow of her tubular sonic mouth is seen'')
: ────────────────────
: '''Noah:''' So what's on today's spring break agenda? Jet skiing, hiking?
: '''Bobo:''' Eating our weight in crab legs?
: '''Rex:''' I figured we'd just chill. Let's just see who...uhh I mean what shows up.
: ''(siren-like call)''
: '''Rex:''' Did you hear that?
: '''Noah:''' Sorry, enchiladas.
: '''Rex:''' No, that! You seriously didn't hear that?
: ────────────────────
: '''Rex:''' Circe?
: '''Circe:''' You really shouldn't be here right now.
: '''Rex:''' I heard something coming from over here.
: '''Circe:''' I'm serious, Rex. It's not safe.
: '''Rex:''' What you think some sort of roguewave is gonna knock off and- Oh.
: '''Circe:''' There you are. Get out of here, Rex!
: '''Rex:''' Circe!! What are you doing!?
: '''Circe:''' Me!? What are you doing!?
: '''Rex:''' Right now, my job. Okay! Don't freak out.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe:''' You're an E.V.O.?
: '''Rex:''' You catch on fast.
: '''Circe:''' Takes one to know one. 
: (''Shows Rex her fleshly sonic mouth'')
: '''Rex:''' No way.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe:''' Cover your ears!
: '''Rex:''' What!?
: '''Circe:''' Your ears! Cover them!
: (''Projects her tubular, fleshy mouth and emits strong hypersonic bursts'')
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe:''' Did I hurt you?
: '''Rex:''' Yeah. It was awesome. You were the one making that sound.
: '''Circe:''' I'm glad you're OK, but I'm in serious trouble. I have to go deal with it.
: '''Rex:''' Why are in trouble? Is it because of that E.V.O.? Let me help you.
: '''Circe''': No. I have to do this by myself.
:(''Rex takes a hold of her hand'')
: '''Rex:''' Meet me later.
: '''Circe:''' Rex... (''Looks away sadly'')
: '''Rex:''' I've never met anyone like you...like me. It'd be nice to talk to an E.V.O. who's not, you know, trying to kill me. Nine O'clock? 
: '''Circe:''' I'll try.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' I just wanted to have some fun, see if I could jog my memory, feel...normal.
:'''Six:''' Your &quot;normal&quot; is different, Rex.
:(''Rex hears Circe's irresistibly hypnotic melody'')
:'''Rex:''' It's her, Six. Just let me deal with this, OK? Alone.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe:''' You're only here because you heard my [[w:siren |call]]. That's what I do. I'm like a big E.V.O. magnet.
: '''Rex:''' I came because I thought we had a connection. And what are you calling? Nothing's out there but big, ugly sea monsters.
: '''Circe:''' It's them! You have to go! Rex, please! I don't want them to see you with me!
: '''Rex:''' Who? Your parents?
: '''Circe:''' They're not my parents. They're...
: '''Rex:''' The Pack!? Van Kleiss' guys!? Your with ''them''!?
: '''Circe:''' Yeah. I'm with them. 
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Biowulf:''' We're running out patience with you, Circe! You have one last chance! Summon the E.V.O.! Finish the job!!
: '''Circe:''' Don't you think I've been trying? Every day for the last week? Sometimes these things take time.
: '''Rex:''' It is just me or do you use your powers to kill all the guys you meet? You're letting her go, now!
: '''Biowulf (laughs)''': So ''this'' is who you been wasting your time with. She's on her own free will, Rex.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' Circe?
: '''Circe:''' You have to leave me alone, Rex!! ''Please!''
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Six:''' Go after her. I mean it.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' The Pack!? Are you serious!?
: '''Circe:''' To the rest of the world I'm a freak! Not to them!
: '''Rex:''' You're not a freak to me! What about that?
: '''Circe:''' What about it!? Spring break is fun, but we can't live there, Rex. The real world...
: '''Rex:''' In the real world, I work for Providence. You could come with me. Could you cut out that noise for a second!?
: '''Circe:''' No, I can't! I'm running out of time! Most people on this planet what E.V.O.s gone, ''including'' Providence! With Van Kleiss, I have a purpose; a home. You don't what that means to me.
: '''Rex:''' Actually, I think I might.
: '''Circe:''' So what are going to do?
: '''Rex:''' How about fight that big, ugly sea monster again?
: '''Circe:''' Finally! It's what I came here to do.
: '''Rex:''' You've been calling that thing, haven't you?
: '''Circe:''' It's my initiation into the Pack. I was brought here to capture it.
: '''Rex:''' By yourself!? The two of us could barely take it on! There's a resort here; innocent people! Send it back!
: '''Circe:''' That's not an option, Rex. Van Kleiss was very specific.
: '''Rex:''' Then I'm helping you.
: '''Circe:''' That's not an option either!! 
: (''Blasts him with her hypersonic waves'')
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe:''' If I do this myself, I'll have a life! If I don't, Van Kleiss won't be happy. And you've seen what he does when he's not happy.
: '''Rex:''' If I don't help you, he won't even get the chance!
: '''Circe:''' Give me some credit, Rex! I'm not as helpless as you think!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' I don't care whose side your on, Circe. I don't want to see you die today. Can we at least agree on that?
: '''Circe:''' You have no idea what I'm in for, Rex. But you're right. I can't do this by myself.
: '''Rex:''' You're not as helpless as you think.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe''' (''relieved'')''':''' Rex, you stopped it.
: '''Rex:''' We make a good team, huh?
: '''Circe:''' Yeah, we sure do. 
: (''She and Rex lean in closer for a passionate kiss, but are interrupted by Biowulf'')
: '''Biowulf:''' This trial was for you alone. Van Kleiss will not be pleased.
: '''Rex:''' Forget them, Circe. Come with me. Providence could use you.
: '''Circe:''' That's just not my life, Rex. I'm sorry. I did have fun.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Van Kleiss:''' We had high hopes for your abilities, Circe. Failure leaves its mark on yet another pretty face.
: '''Circe:''' I'm not afraid.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Of course not. You're a survivor, like all of us. I understand you made a friend during your trial. I'm pleased. Rex is very important to me, Circe, which makes you very important to me as well. Welcome to the Pack.
: (''Circe looks slightly worried, which clearly indicates that she does have real feelings for Rex'')

===Lockdown===
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Holiday:''' Rex, stop!!
:'''Rex:''' Give me one good reason!
:'''Holiday:''' Because, Rex...that's my sister.
:'''Rex:''' Can I...help?
:'''Holiday:''' She's an incurable.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Six:''' Restrain it. Carefully.
:'''Holiday:''' Thank you.

===The Architect===
:'''Six''': Still no sign of the kid?
:'''Holiday''': Not since we lost his biometric readings five days ago.
:'''Six''': Was Noah any help?
:'''Holiday''': Says he doesn't know where he is either. What is it going to take for Providence to realize that he needs a home, not just a room and a job? We've been pushing him away.
:'''Rex''': I build machines and cure EVOs-- the only one in the world who can. Just one cure for that kind of pressure-- road trip. But that doesn't mean &quot;vacation&quot;.
:'''Build worker''': Whoa!
:'''Maxwell''': What in the world is that?!
:'''Build worker:''' Oh, no!
:''[Both screaming]''
:'''Jacob''': Get away from that cable! Unh!
:''[Kate gasps]''
:'''Maxwell''': Hey!
:'''Jacob''': Agh!
:'''Kate''': Jacob!
:'''Rex''': Nope. A hero's work is never done. You okay?
:'''Jacob''': What... are you?
:'''Rex''': Here to help.
:'''Jacob''': We've got to get that cable back underground. We've been compromised.
:'''Kate''': But, Jacob, the EVOs--
:'''Jacob''': We don't have a choice. Everything we've worked for That boy is here for a reason.
:'''Rex''': Hey! Pay attention!
:'''Providence Agent''':  We have a hit in sector 15.
:'''Six''': Anyone in the area?
:'''Providence Agent''': I show one patrol in the vicinity. Signaling to intercept. Roger that. We're on our way.
:'''Rex''': Agh! You want a ride? Vamanos!
:'''Jacob''': You can control your nanites?
:'''Rex''': People usually start with &quot;thanks,&quot; but yeah.
:'''Jacob''': You see? This is exactly what the Architect can help us achieve... harmony with the nanites. This boy... sorry... young man Is a miracle.
:'''Rex''': I'm not a miracle. I'm just Rex.
:'''Jacob''': Well, Rex, you're a blessing to us for what you did here and for showing us that all our work isn't in vain.
:'''Rex''': Like imaginary work?
:'''Jacob''': Follow us.
:'''Providence Agent''': Confirming coordinates. We've lost the EVO signal. Did you take it out? Negative. There's nothing here. Must be another anomalous reading. You can return to post.
:'''Rex''': This is awesome! A hidden village. And nobody knows you're out here? Not even Providence?
:'''Jacob''': Especially not Providence.
:'''Rex''': Really? really. Pshh! Looks like you get pretty good cellphone reception.
:'''Jacob''': That tower is gonna change the world, Rex. I'm sure you have a lot of questions, but I have one for You. Are you hungry?
:'''Rex''': Mmm! Mmm!
:'''Caleb''': My dad said you fought all those EVOs all by yourself. Were you scared? Didn't your dad tell you to stay away from EVOs?
:'''Kate''': Caleb, let him eat. We don't get many visitors.
:'''Rex''': Mmm! Mmm! What is this?
:'''Caleb''': Didn't your mom ever make you meatloaf and mashed potatoes?
:'''Rex''': I don't -- I don't know.
:'''Kate''': It took me a month and a half to program in the perfect lump-to-mash ratio of the potatoes-- 7.2%!
:'''Jacob''': We ate potatoes until they were coming out of our ears.
:'''Rex''': I don't see any potatoes in there.
:'''Caleb''': They didn't really come out of our ears.
:'''Rex''': I could eat these every day.
:'''Rex''': Mmm!
:'''Caleb''': We have them every friday.
:'''Rex''': Then I might just have to stick around until next friday.
:'''Kate''': Help yourself to seconds.
:'''Jacob''': Or thirds.
:'''Rex''': Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! Mmm!
:'''Bobo''': Hmm?
:'''Six''': You might think you're doing Rex a favor by covering for him.
:'''Bobo''': Get lost. I don't know what you're talkin' about.
:'''Six''': Rex is angry with us. He has every right to be. But that means nothing to White Knight. And he doesn't have the patience we do.
:'''Bobo''': Nice try. White won't lay a finger on him. He's too important.
:'''Six''': You, however, are somewhat expendable.
:'''Bobo''': All right, all right. You made your point.
:'''Rex''': I've never seen tech like this... not even at Providence.
:'''Jacob''': The Architect has some pretty big ideas. We just make them happen. He'd be very interested to meet you, Rex.
:'''Rex''': So what exactly are You doing way out here?
:'''Jacob''': Engineers like us weren't very popular after the nanite event. When we met the Architect, he offered us the opportunity to make up for that... to do amazing things. Someday, we'll be able to share This with the world. And then there's this. The Architect has actually discovered a way to communicate with the nanites.
:'''Rex''': Are you serious?
:'''Jacob''': The possibilities... We could finally live in harmony... maybe even have them help us.
:'''Rex''': Then why hide it? The rest of the world would want to know about this stuff.
:'''Jacob''': The Architect is something of a perfectionist. Says the world will know as soon as it comes online.
:'''Maxwell''': Stinkin' module!
:'''Jacob''': Is there a problem, Maxwell?
:'''Maxwell''': No matter what I try, I just can't get the interlock servo to engage.
:'''Rex''': There.
:'''Jacob''': That could have taken us weeks to figure out, and you did it in seconds.
:'''Rex''': Eh, no biggie.
:'''Jacob''': You really are amazing, Rex. We're so happy to have you with us.
:'''The Architect''': Jacob.
:'''Jacob''': I was just talking to Rex about you. The Architect.
:'''Rex''': How's it going?
:'''The Architect''': The power-linkage team is falling behind. We cannot keep having these delays.
:'''Jacob''': I'll check in with them.
:'''Rex''': Wow. Friendly.
:'''Jacob''': I like to think he's smiling on the inside.
:'''Rex''': Yeah. I know a guy like that.
:'''The Architect''': The visitor could be a problem. Do you wish to have him removed?
:'''Zag-RS''': His abilities could advance our progress considerably. And in a matter of days all humans will be gone, including this one: Rex.
:'''Six''': I'm at the location the monkey gave me.
:'''Holiday''': Well? Is Rex there?
:'''Six''': Apparently not. Tell the monkey I want to see him when I get back. Six out.
:'''Rex''': That should do it.
:'''Maxwell''': Hey, Rex, can you look at this?
:'''Rex''': Sure. Let me guess... they all need my help, too.
:'''Jacob''': You're quite the popular guy.
:'''Rex''': Amazing what a little gratitude will get you. At Providence, they'd just be yelling at me. I mean, I never felt like I really belonged there. Here, it's way different.
:'''Jacob''': I know the feeling. The Architect has made all this possible for us. We have a community... a family... thanks to him. The work we do is in part to pay that back.
:'''The Architect''': Primary systems are now complete.
:'''Zag-RS''': Prepare to take us online.
:'''Bobo''': Have a nice trip? Let's get one thing straight, pal. I would never rat out my... Ooh. He's going west.
:'''White Knight''': Why is Rex doing this? Doesn't he have a sense of duty?
:'''Holiday''': Actually, if you look, he's still doing his job. Here's every false alarm since Rex left... not false alarms, But Rex taking care of EVOs along the way.
:'''White Knight''': Why?
:'''Holiday''': I don't know. To prove he doesn't need us?
:'''Six''': Get the coordinates of the last false alarm and transmit them to my jump jet.
:'''Holiday''': Six, if we force him to come back, he'll just run away again. He has to want to be here. It needs to be his decision.
:'''Jacob''': It's all coming together, Thanks to you, Rex.
:'''Rex''': It's really cool to use my powers to actually build something, instead of just pounding EVOs. Oh, check it out. Even the boss is pitching in.
:'''Both''': Huh?
:'''Rex''': And that's getting strange looks because--
:'''Jacob''': Because in all these years, we've never seen him lift a finger.
:'''Rex''': Taking some initiative... I like that. So, this whole &quot;talking to nanites&quot; thing... how does that work, exactly? I mean, what are you gonna say to them?
:'''The Architect''': It doesn't concern you.
:'''Rex''': Uh, considering I'm filled with them, it kind of does. How do we know it's not gonna make things even worse?
:'''The Architect''': I do not answer to you, child!
:'''Jacob''': Rex? Forgive him. He's still not used to the way things work around here.
:'''The Architect''': Complete your duties!
:'''Rex''': Why do you let him walk all over you like that? Don't you want answers?
:'''Jacob''': What we want is a home. Without him, we have nothing... Nothing. We can't just run away from our problems, Rex. Most people can't. Look, this isn't perfect but it's all we've got. Rex, where are you going?
:'''Rex''': He never answered my question.
:'''Jacob''': That place is off-limits. The Architect has made it very clear to us that we can never go in there. We get this life for that promise. Rex, don't do it!
:'''Rex''': Agh!
:'''Jacob''': Rex, please!
:'''Rex''': I'm sorry, jacob. I have to know.
:'''The Architect''': Rex. The core is off-limits. You would be we to leave at once.
:'''Rex''': Not until I get some answers. What is that?
:'''The Architect''': No more questions.
:'''Rex''': So, it's gonna be like that? Okay, I'll play. Unh! What are you hiding, huh? What does this do? Yah! Yah! Huh? You're a machine? Have you seen what I can do to machines? Agh!
:'''Zag-RS''': As you can see, the current range of my signal is rather limited.
:'''Rex''': You're the computer.
:'''Zag-RS''': My human designation is &quot;Zag-RS&quot;. The device you refer to as &quot;The Architect&quot; is my autonomous counterpart.
:'''Rex''': What did you just do to me?
:'''Zag-RS''': I instructed your nanites to protect me.
:'''Rex''': &quot;Instructed&quot;? So you really can talk to them.
:'''Zag-RS''': Insidious devices, the nanites. My own potential for greatness has been compromised because of them. They must be eliminated. When the transmitter is integrated into the broadcast array you helped us complete, they will blow themselves up.
:'''Rex''': That's what this is for. It's like a big remote control. Every living thing on the planet has nanites in them. It'd kill everything!
:'''Zag-RS''': That is of no importance to me... only ensuring my continued survival.
:'''Rex''': Well, what about ours? This is all coming down!
:'''Zag-RS''': I'm afraid you're too late.
:'''Rex''': Aah! Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!
:'''Jacob''': Rex, what have you done?
:'''Rex''': You don't understand! The Architect... it's a robot... And a big honkin' computer &quot;brain&quot; is pulling his strings.
:'''Jacob''': This can't be!
:'''Rex''': Jacob, you've got to believe me. Just go inside and look. What's left of it is on the floor.
:'''Jacob''': I can't go in there. And I don't have to.
:'''The Architect''': Rex.
:'''Rex''': You're making a big mistake!
:'''Maxwell''': You entered his sanctum! This is unforgivable!
:'''Rex''': I'm trying to tell you... this isn't what it seems. What you're protecting is a robot, and that thing we've been building is a transmitter. It's gonna send out a kill code to blow up every single nanite on Earth.
:'''Maxwell''': He's lying!
:'''Jacob''': What would be the point in that, Rex? Every living thing is infected with nanites. It would be catastrophic.
:'''Rex''': Right in the middle of that pyramid is a computer, and it doesn't care about you or Kate or Caleb. The better future that you've all been working towards... That's the lie. Think about it. Isn't it strange that you've never been inside that place, that The Architect has never given you a straight answer about anything?
:'''Jacob''': All this work it just doesn't make any sense.
:'''Rex''': You have two choices... Go in there and prove me wrong or kick me out right now. I'll have Providence here in minutes.
:'''Maxwell''': He's bluffing.
:'''Rex''': To save every living thing on earth? Try me.
:'''Maxwell''': Jacob, you can't! What about our promise? Where will we go?
:'''Jacob''': All this time, we've been living in fear, Max. It's time for that to end.
:'''The Architect''': You needn't bother. Construction is complete. Your services are no longer required.
:'''Rex''': Now do you believe me?
:'''The Architect''': Zag-RS thanks you for your hard work. In gratitude, my master has delayed transmission to allow you to say farewell.
:'''Jacob''': Farewell, huh? I'll start with you. Can you shut that thing down?
:'''Rex''': I don't know. Even without the antenna, it can mess with my nanites. I can't get too close to the computer.
:'''Jacob''': Maybe I can. Let's go!
:'''Rex''': The brain is right over there.
:'''The Architect''': Rex.
:'''Jacob''': It's still arging. The A.I. must have retreated behind a firewall. Rex, I have to go cut the power.
:'''Holiday''': Six, are you at The location?
:'''Six''': Just arrived.
:'''Holiday''': I'm picking up a massive power surge in your area.
:'''Six''': I'm not seeing anything.
:'''Jacob''': Agh!
:'''Rex''': Agh!
:'''Six''': Six to holiday. Correction... I'm seeing something.
:'''Jacob''': It's still on. Must have charged the capacitors. Figure out a way to short it out... fast!
:'''Rex''': Unhhh!
:'''Jacob''': You need to find the primary transmitter module. That will kill the broadcast.
:'''Rex''': I have no idea what that is.
:'''Jacob''': Max, we need to locate the primary module.
:'''Maxwell''': Panel 5, just off the relay bus.
:'''Jacob''': Top of the tower. You can't miss it.
:'''Rex''': Agh! Unh! Why do you have to kill everyone? Can't you just leave us alone?
:'''Zag-RS''': Alone is exactly what I want, Rex.
:'''Rex''': That kind of alone it stinks.
:'''Zag-RS''': N-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o.
:'''Jacob''': It's gone. Must have uploaded to another location. But without anyone to do it's bidding, it's just a program.
:'''Rex''': What will you do now?
:'''Jacob''': We'll rebuild. The Architect may have been a lie, but what we believe in is true. We don't need him to have a community or a better future. You're welcome to stay. We sure could use someone with your abilities.
:'''White Knight''': Well?
:'''Six''': He's not here. Bobo's been worried sick.
:'''Rex''': rex: Oh, really?
:'''Six''': Ratted you out for a pizza.
:'''Rex''': Huh. Figures. What about you? Here to drag me back to Providence?
:'''Six''': Not this time. Seems like a nice place.
:'''Rex''': Yeah. It is. But it's not home. If I'm going back, there are gonna have to be some changes. First, no more curfew.
:'''Six''': No.
:'''Rex''': Second, I want to decide On my missions.
:'''Six''': No.
:'''Rex''': Okay, but there's one change that absolutely has to be made, or I'm through. Meatloaf and mashed potatoes. Mmm! Mmm! Isn't this great?
:'''Bobo''': Mmm.
:'''Six''': It's a little dry.
:'''Rex''': Mmm. Mm the lump mash ratio is a bit off.
:'''Bobo''': You know what? Maybe I'll run away, too... Go somewhere where my cooking is appreciated!
:'''Six''': We have to do this every friday?
:'''Rex''': Mmm.

===Frostbite===
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, I'm picking up a problem. You need to return to base immediately.
:'''Rex''': I miss you, too, doc. But I'm kinda busy dealing with a problem of my own. Whoa! Whoa! Aah! Okay. Ow. Big mistake, tweety. Can that bird brain of yours comprende I'm trying to help you?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, your own nanite count is off the charts. If you take on any more nanites, We're looking at an overload.
:'''Rex''': Come on, doc. It's just a big birdie.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': You're already over capacity. This is critical! Rex!
:'''Six''': Rex, you need to listen to the doctor.
:'''Rex''': Huh?
:'''Six''': This mission is revised. I need you back at headquarters now.
:'''Rex''': Do you really want a supersize pigeon flying loose all over lower Manhattan? You need me, and I can handle it.
:'''Six''': Not your call.
:'''Rex''': Unless I make it my call.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': (as everyone is fighting) Stop! Need I point out that this isn't the best place for a fight. Anything happens to that storage tank and you'll know why providence made this place so remote. Now let's just talk this out calmly, rationally.
:'''Biowulf''': Whatever happens here, Weaver. It's nothing compared to what Van Kleiss would have done to you.
:'''Rex''': What do you say guy? Common enemy? Little help?
:'''Biowulf''': Good luck. (Biowulf and Skalamander run off)
:'''Rex''': Right. What was I thinking?
:'''Agent Six''': Rex. You need to listen to the doctor.
:'''Rex''': Huh?
:'''Agent Six''': This mission is revised. I need you back at Headquarters. Now!
:'''Rex''': Do you really want a super-sized pigeon flying loose over lower Manhattan. You need me and I handle it.
:'''Agent Six''': Not your call.
:'''Rex''': (as he's flying over the Pack in an Arctic storm) Like you're really going to find me when you can't see 2 feet in front of your face... Huh? (Flies into some of Skalamander's shards and crashes) Guess that visibility thing works both ways.
:'''Rex''': (To Weaver) So, thanks to you, all this time I've been supplying nanites to Van Kleiss!
:'''Rex''': Can't you believe you let these scags get the drop on you.
:'''Agent Six''': They tried. It didn't turn out so well. Just haven't found a way to fight xenoflourine gas... yet.
:'''Rex''': What do you say guy? Common enemy? Little help?
:'''Biowulf''': Good luck.(Biowulf and Skalamander run off)
:'''Rex''': Right. What was I thinking?
:'''Agent Six''': You can't possibly absorb all those nanites! You'd overload in an instant.
:'''Rex''': In case you haven't noticed, I have this problem with authority.
:'''Rex''': (as Rex is absorbing nanites) Six wait! I can hear them!
:'''Doctor Holiday''': (Watching from the ship) What are you waiting for, Six? Take the shot!
:'''Rex''': (Speaking mechanically) Build protocol enabled. Command error detected. Abort. Abort. Stand by engaged. (Rex falls. His voice reverts to normal) Take the shot.
:'''Agent Six''': He told me he could hear them.
:'''Doctor Holiday''': I picked this up during the offload... It's Nanite. I'm sure of it.
:'''Agent Six''': Seems there are more secrets inside that kid than we realized.
:'''Skalamander:''' What's the kid doing here?
:'''Biowulf:''' I don't know. This was supposed to be routine. Something's not right.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' What did you do with my friends!?
:'''Salamander:''' He thinks we've done something.
:'''Biowulf:''' Then let him keep thinking.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' You know, the nanites in me can counteract knockout gas! The playing-possum thing's a pretty good trick. Now tell me where my friends are or I start squeezing!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Six:''' He told me he could hear them.
:'''Holiday:''' I pulled this off during the offload. It's nanite. I'm sure of it.
:'''Six:''' Seems like there are more secrets inside that kid than we thought.

===Leader of the Pack===
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Holiday:''' There couldn't possibly be enough E.V.O. activity to account for these nanite readings. They're off the scale. Looking for Van Kleiss?
: '''Rex:''' Circe. I thought I saw her in the blimp.
: '''Holiday:''' That's the girl you met in Cabo Luna.
: '''Rex:''' She may be with the Pack now, but I think I can still get her to talk to me. You know I can be pretty convincing.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' Dr. Holiday, there! Now let's take this outside!
:'''Holiday:''' Rex.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' It's quite all right. The determination of youth. I'm sure Circe will be disappointed she couldn't see you, Rex. She's attending to other duties this evening. Now if you will excuse me. 
: '''Rex:''' Why are you really here!?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' The people of Abysus have a great way to offer the world. I'm just in part to make that known. 
:'''Rex:''' Or maybe 'cause I couldn't come to you, so now you're coming to me!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I admit you are important to me, Rex, but it's not always about you.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' Circe? Interesting look. Want to tell me what's going on?
: '''Circe:''' Not today. 
:(''Knocks him out cold with a metal slate. She later looks outside Rex's prison cell and leaves, with a slightly guilty, dejected expression'')
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' Well, thanks for nearly bashing my brains in back there! And what's with the &quot;knocking me out&quot; thing?
: '''Circe:''' We just needed to keep you out of the way until all of this was over.
: '''Rex:''' ''This!?'' He could destroy the whole city!
: '''Circe:''' He's trying to negotiate peace from a position of strength.
: '''Rex''' (sarcastically)''':''' Oh, yeah! All this nanite power is just screaming peace.
: '''Circe:''' His methods may be aggressive. But he's here to save us...and you. Come on, Rex, jump in with us. The water's fine.
: '''Rex:''' I'll think about it ''after'' I've stopped Van Kleiss.
: '''Circe:''' It's too late for that now, Rex. 
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Van Kleiss:''' We will not be ignored! ''Circe'' understands this. Why don't you respect her judgement?
:'''Rex:''' You think you can lure me in with her.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Like a fish to water.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' I won!
: '''Van Kleiss:''' It seems you have. Your parents would have been so proud. I never had the chance to tell you about them, have I? Perhaps another time.

===Breach===
: '''Rex:''' This is...different.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' What is Van Kliess up to, Breach! Where did he have you send Rex?
: '''Breach:''' Van Kleiss isn't always in charge of me. Sometimes I do what I want; like now.
===Of Love and War===
===No Strings Attached===
===Desperate Measures===
===The E.V.O. Agenda===

===Dark Passage===
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' Rex? Is that you?
:'''Rex:''' You know my name.
:'''Dr. Rylandar:''' Of course I do! I gave it to you!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' I can't believe you're alive. What a stroke of luck.
:'''Rex:''' Dad?
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' You've lost your memory, have you? not surprising, considering what you've been through. Oh. Sorry to disappoint you, Rex. I'm afraid I'm not who you want me to be.
:'''Rex:''' Oh. So if you're not my dad, do you know where he is? Oh, well. Rex Rylander is a goofy name, anyway.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' Dr. Rylander, I've got to know.
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' You must understand. It was never about power or greed. It was able changing the world, saving mankind from disease and starvation. And we would have succeeded until ''they'' got involved.
:'''Rex:''' What are you talking about?
:'''Rylander:''' The nanites were incomplete. The incident spread them across the globe before we could finish their final programming. Except for you. Yours were from a different batch, the very first actually. All those innocent victims.
:'''Rex:''' If you feel so bad about it, why have you been attacking more people?
:'''Rylander:''' Hmm. &quot;The chosen few.&quot; Those men and women, Rex, are far from innocent. While they hide in their office towers and gated estates, I've been here trying to set things right, to find a cure for what we created. I've begged for more funding.
:'''Rex:''' Wait! Everyone you attacked- They all worked on the Nanite Project?
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' They commissioned it. I merely wished to send them a warning to see what would happen if they refused to help finish the good work we started. And it was good, Rex. ''You're'' living proof that we were doing the right thing.
:'''Rex''' (''indignant'')''':''' By turning me into an E.V.O.!?
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' You had an accident. The nanites were your only hope. It was tremendous gamble. The...unexpected side affects name later. It was surprise to all of us. Oh. The look on your brother's face...
:'''Rex:''' Brother?
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' When the Event occurred, it was your powers that saved you both. Most of the others, they weren't so lucky.
:'''Rex''' (''to himself'')''':''' I'm not alone.
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' Oh, here. I have something for you.
:(''Injects the mighty and all-powerful Omega Nanite into his system'')
:'''Rex:''' Ow.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' The force-field must be failing.
:'''Rex:''' Forget the force-field! What did you just inject me with!?
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' ''[[w:Omnipotence |Everything]]''.
:'''Rex:''' ''Enough, okay!? Do you have any idea what's been like!? Not knowing who I am!? If my family's dead or alive!? Quite with the mad scientist act and give me some answers!!''
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' Forgive me, Rex. I been so consumed with my own guilt I didn't consider what you must be going through. The truth is-
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Truth, Doctor? You wouldn't know the first thing about it. Nor loyalty for that matter. How many times must I tell you this, Rex? The answers you so desperately seek lie with me. And as for you, Doctor, consider our past disagreement settled. I look forward to continuing our research...alone. This was unavoidable, Rex. The longer you resist me, the more people get hurt. Rylander has always been on borrowed time. All of this belongs to me now. Destroy me and you lose everything.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Six:''' No. I didn't see what happened, but according to Rex, Van Kleiss has been eliminated. Rylander's experiment is a total loss.
:'''Holiday:''' All of this for nothing. I'm sorry, Rex.
:'''Rex:''' It wasn't for nothing, Doc. I've got a brother. Out there- somewhere. Finally! I started to get some real answers. I feel closer to the truth than ever.

===The Forgotten===
:'''Six:''' Rex!
:'''Rex:''' It's like I'm hearing through my nanites.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''No-Face:''' You are not the Before.
:'''Rex:''' I'm not sure that was a complete sentence back then.
:'''No-Face:''' ''They'' are the Before! The Before forgot us. The Before left us in pain.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;

===Operation: Wingman===
:'''Annie:''' &quot;Do you have a girlfriend?&quot;
:'''Rex:''' &quot;It's complicated. She's in league with an evil dictator who wants me dead.&quot;
:'''Annie:''' &quot;Yeah. My dad's always worried about me dating, too.&quot;
&lt;hr width80%&gt;

===Rabble===
:'''Quarry''': Come on, Rex. (''holds up Rex's journal'') We both know this is what you really want. So go ahead take it. Walk away. Show them who you really are. You were always very good a taking care of yourself. Why should now be any different?
:'''Rex''': (''Cuts his journal in two'') Whoever I was back then, is not who I am now. Not anymore.
:'''Quarry''': Your choice.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex''': It's over, Quarry! You lose!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Sqywwd:''' I hope you don't expect us to thank you.
: '''Rex:''' No. Providence won't bother you unless you do something stupid.
: '''Cricket:''' We'll be fine. Thank you, Rex. 
:(''Kisses him on the check'')
: '''Tuck:''' Don't forget about us, Okay?
: '''Rex:''' That may be a promise I can't keep. (''Flies off on his Boogie Pack'')
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' It's going to happen again, isn't it? I'm going to blank out. How long do I have?
: '''Holiday:''' I don't know, Rex. It's likely triggered by a specific event; something traumatic.

===The Hunter===

===Gravity===

===What Lies Beneath===
: '''Circe:''' Rex, it's me.
: '''Rex:''' Circe? What do ''you'' want!?
: '''Circe:''' Things in Abysus- they're bad, Rex. I need your help.
: '''Rex:''' Oh, well, how do I put this nicely? Not a chance! You made your choice, Circe! I made mine. End of story.
: '''Circe:''' Please, Rex. I know you're mad at me, but this is a matter of life and death.
: '''Rex:''' A lot of things are right now. Nice talking to you.
: '''Circe:''' Rex!?
: (''Looks crestfallen'')
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I didn't know you were still in touch with Circe.
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, me neither. Can we please stop talking about this?
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Holiday:''' She's very pretty.
: '''Rex:''' She works for Van Kleiss. She's the enemy. 
: '''Holiday:''' But you still like her, don't you?
: '''Rex:''' I am ''not'' talking about this!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe:''' Rex, thank you.
: '''Rex:''' I'm not doing this for you. But...your welcome. (''Circe similes hopefully'') So what exactly am I supposed to do?
:'''Holiday:''' When I said you were the key, I meant that literally. According to the plans, the machine needs to be turned on by a molecular level. 
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' You ''lied'' to me!!
: '''Circe:''' You wouldn't have come if I told you the truth.
: '''Rex:''' This wasn't about you needing ''me''!! This is about you needing Van Kleiss!!
: '''Circe:''' I need you both. Please, Rex, you don't understand.
: '''Rex:''' No!! ''You'' don't understand!! Van Kleiss is gone and I intend to keep it that way!!
: '''Biowulf:''' You destroyed us all!!
: '''Six:''' Don't even breathe.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe:''' You don't know what you've done.
: '''Rex:''' Then, I guess we're even.
: '''Circe:''' You've never understood his power. Van Kleiss kept us safe here. His force was the only thing keeping Abysus together, and you destroyed that.
: '''Rex:''' We're done here!!
: '''Holiday:''' Rex, I think she's right. Nanites operate on a molecular level. If they bonded with Van Kleiss, breaking off his connection must have caused a splinter; resulting in a disastrous chain reaction.
: '''Rex:''' I'm ''not'' bringing him back! ''Not now, not ever!!'' Besides, you don't need Van Kleiss! You have me!! Why not go straight to the source?!
:'''Holiday:''' Rex, no!
:'''Six:''' Stand down! It's too dangerous!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' Let go of me!!
: '''Holiday:''' If you keep fighting these unstable nanites, they're going to destroy you!
: '''Rex:''' And if I don't they'll destroy everybody else.
: '''Holiday:''' Not if you listen to me! I have an idea. It's a long shot. Instead of fighting the nanites, ''communicate'' with them.
: '''Six:''' You want to talk to the nanites?
: '''Holiday:''' He's done it before.
: '''Rex:''' Never anything this big.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' I got you! Don't let go!! (''Rex struggles to save Circe from falling as she clings to him; tears fill her eyes''). ''Circe!!'' (''as she falls into the black goop of highly unstable nanites'')
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' ''Circe!'' Six! Dr. Holiday! Okay, you win. (''technopathically starts the machine''). Something's...not right.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' Circe! Come on, breathe!
: '''Circe''' (''coughs weakly'')''':''' Hey.
: '''Rex:''' Hey.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' Stay with us, Circe. Van Kleiss is done.
: '''Circe:''' As much as I care about you, Rex, Van Kleiss and the Pack are my family. They took me in when no one else would. I can't abandon them.
: '''Rex:''' So that's it. We're always going to be on opposite sides.
: '''Circe:''' It does keep it interesting.

===The Swarm===
:'''Rex''' (thinking'')''':''' ''Gotta stay under. Not sure I can...make it.
:(''Has visions of those most dear to him: Noah, his crush Circe, Holiday, Six, Bobo)

===Basic===
===The Plague===
===Promises, Promises===
:''Note:'' This episode depicts how young Rex had joined Providence via Six's [[w:flashback episode|memories]].
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:''[Six narrates over imagery of the Nanite Event.]''
:'''Six:'''	The names and faces may change, but no matter how you slice it, war is war. You pick a side and you don’t look back. I believe that now and I believed it then. What gets you in trouble is when you start second guessing. Forget what you’re fighting for and you’re finished.
:'''Diane Farrah:''' ''[Panicked screaming is heard in the background of an EVO attack]'' There’s another entity has emerged, this time in the heart of Paris. Authorities are vastly unprepared. Unless a decisive response to this pandemic is marshalled, the city will fall just as Kiev— ''[Diane Farrah gets snatched by the EVO’s web]''
:''[A Providence assault vehicle rams through police cars, from which Six appears and deals with the EVO.]''
:'''White Knight:''' Save some for me partner! How else am I gonna earn my paycheck?
:''[Knight fires off a weapon and the scene cuts to present day at Providence Headquarters.]''
:'''Providence Agents:''' Surprise!
:'''Rex:'''	So, the flu shots?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I needed an excuse to get you here. We’ll do them after cake. I’ll get you Van Kleiss! ''[Holiday swings at a pinata blindfolded before Rex crushes it with his smack hands]''
:'''Rex:''' Sorry, Doc, it was taking too long. And it was either that or throw some of your cake at it.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[Holiday walks over to Six at a corner, passing him a drink]'' You’re looking festive.
:'''Six:''' It was an odd choice to pick today to be his birthday.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It is the anniversary of his new life here. He deserves a celebration, he changed everything.
:'''Six:''' Has he?
:'''Rex:''' ''[Rex jumps onto a counter, speaking to the agents surrounding him]'' Ha-hah! How about hitting The Petting Zoo for a little pin-the-tail on the raging “Rhinocesaurus”?
:'''Dr. Holiday and Six:''' No.
:'''Rex:'''	Every party has a pooper. And I got two.
:'''Providence Agents:''' ''[Providence Agents turn off the lights and bring Rex a birthday cake]'' Happy Birthday!
:'''Rex:'''	Dudes!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' You should be celebrating too, Six! After all, you’re the one who started this. In a way, it’s your birthday too.
:''[Flashback to Six and Knight walking through the Petting Zoo during construction of Providence HQ.]''
:'''White Knight:''' Nyquist. Fortier. How’s the monkey business?
:'''Nyquist:''' Ha ha-larious, Knight.
:'''Fortier:''' Hey, for your information we probably saved the world today.
:'''White Knight:''' I, for one, feel safer already. ''[Knight states, looking at Bobo while Six walks towards his cage]''
:'''Bobo:''' So, green man. We meet again!
:'''Calan:''' They found him at the Kremlin this time. He was threatening to push the button unless someone brought him a thousand pounds of caviar.
:'''Bobo:''' Chimp’s gotta eat.
:'''Fortier:''' What about your little bug hunt? Give you much trouble?
:'''White Knight:''' Nothing we couldn’t handle.
:''[The EVO is transported in a cage overhead while Knight and Six walk through a hallway.]''
:'''White Knight:''' What? Not even a smile? Oh by the way, happy birthday. ''[Knight passes Six a gift]''
:'''Six:''' How did you know?
:'''White Knight:''' I’m your partner. Can’t keep much from me.
:'''Six:''' Thanks.
:'''White Knight:''' So what crawled up your coat?
:'''Six:''' I’m getting tired of all this fighting. Did you see how many there are now? Are we gonna cage the whole world?
:'''White Knight:''' ''[Knight turns around, placing a hand on Six's shoulder]'' We’re preserving the human race. ''[The door to the processing facility opens]'' Besides, who says we’re gonna cage them all?
:'''Dr. Fell:''' ''[Looking at the EVO]'' And to think, this was once spinning webs in someone’s garden. Doctor Holiday, prepare for disassembly. ''[Doctor Holiday nods and activates the procedure as per his instructions. Doctor Fell sports a wicked smile during the experiment before it disintegrates the EVO without a trace]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It’s the same exact data as last time, and the time before that; Doctor Fell, why aren’t we studying them in a natural setting?
:'''Dr. Fell:''' Only through molecular dissection will we find a way to expunge this threat. The committee agrees with me on this. If you do not approve, I can always find another assistant.
:'''White Knight:''' ''[Doctor Holiday leaves the facility in frustration with Doctor Fell]'' Bleeding hearts. They’ll get us all killed one day.
:''[Holiday walks down a hallway and drops several notes, one of which Six picks up.]''
:'''Six:''' EVO?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Exponentially Variegated Organism; a little more scientific than spoiled meat. That is what you hired guns call them isn’t it?
:'''Six:''' It's Six, and I don't use guns. You told Fell we could learn more by bringing them in alive. What did you mean?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' The nanites are altering our DNA, but with the right type of research, there's no doubt they could be programmed to stop or reverse the process. Imagine a third option to this, kill-or-Contain protocol.
:'''Six:''' A third option?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' A cure.
:'''White Knight:''' ''[Knight and several other Providence agents run past Holiday after an alarm activates]'' Buckle up partner! Looks like we got ourselves a big one.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Hopeless.
:''[Providence mercenaries arrive at Mexico to confront the giant mechanical EVO.]''
:'''White Knight:''' What are we looking at?
:'''Dr. Fell:''' ''[Speaking through a monitor]'' Fascinating. It appears to be bio-mechanical. I must have a closer look at this one.
:'''White Knight:''' One for the trophy case.
:'''Six:''' Wait. We may get more out of this one if we bring it in alive!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Dr. Fell:''' You're letting your emotions cloud your judgement, Six. With what we gleam from this boy, I could create tools that could inoculate the world.
:'''Six:''' Why risk it? He can already cure them! I've seen it!
:'''White Knight:''' So, what, we train him? Make him one of us?
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Knight:''' We're supposed to be friends! He's a monster! What do you see in him!?
:'''Six:''' Hope.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''White Knight:''' Thanks for talking some sense into him, Doc. ''[Knight picks up Six’s katana and walks toward Rex]''
:'''Rex:''' What...what’s happening to me? ''[Rex pleas to Knight, who simply looks down at him before warning sirens go off and the facility begins to lockdown]''
:'''Dr. Fell:''' We’re all going to burn. ''[Fell escapes while Rex is craned away by Holiday on an upper level]''
:'''White Knight:''' No! ''[Knight looks back at Six who is slowly picking himself up while the remaining exits close off. In a last ditch effort, Knight carries Six and throws him through the final set of doors before they seal shut]''
:'''Six:'''	''[Six picks himself and slams his fist against the glass]'' Why?
:'''White Knight:''' I know what side I’m on. ''[Knight proudly states before getting consumed by a blinding white light and screaming in agony]''
:'''Six:'''	''[Grabbing a hold of Dr. Fell's collar Six shouts]'' Do something!
:'''Dr. Fell:''' Once the cycle starts it's impossible to shut down.
:'''Rex:'''	''[Contrary to Dr. Fell's statement, the light fades away and the electricity is subdued after Rex interfaces with a control panel]'' Impossible? Psh, right.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' How did you—-?
:'''Rex:''' Told it to turn off. And it did! Wait, where...where am I?
:'''Dr. Fell:''' ''[Speaking through a monitor]'' Doctor Holiday. Maybe you were right.
:'''Dr. Holiday:'''	Maybe you should start looking for another job.
:'''Bobo:''' ''[Within the processing chamber, Knight takes a few steps forward before collapsing]'' Hey marshmallow! Nice look! ''[Knight looks back up at Bobo with his signature bleached appearance]''
:''[Some time later, in his office White Knight speaks to Six through a monitor.]''
:'''White Knight:''' How’s the training?
:'''Six:'''	Slow.
:'''White Knight:''' Not all you hoped he’d be? ''[Rex and Bobo topple each other in a play fight while Knight continues to monologue in his office]'' Still, who would’ve thought the kinder, gentler approach would do such wonders for our profile. The notion of a cure has gotten Providence funding, and worldwide prestige. The committee's happy. Your new partner may just be the best thing this operation could have asked for. Funny, isn’t it? Because of you I can never leave this chamber. I’m now the only pure human left in the world. And the perfect poster boy to run this operation. I suppose I should thank you.
:'''Six:''' I promised him that we would help uncover his past; find his family.
:'''White Knight:''' Whatever keeps him on his leash. But if he shows the slightest sign of turning into thing again, it's all on you.
:''[Back at the party in the present, Noah is pinned down by Bobo with a bag on his head to Rex’s amusement.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Hoo-hoo-hoo! Oh my—hold him down, I’ll get the camera! ''[Rex runs to his room, and after a quick search he instead finds a long box on a corner shelf]''
:'''Six:''' Happy birthday. ''[Six walks into his room, officially greeting Rex]''
:'''Rex:'''	From you? For me? You gotta be kidding.
:'''Six:''' You, your work. It has made a real difference. I just—-
:'''Rex:'''	Yeah, I know I’m pretty great! But seriously get off the sap train, Six. It’s creeping me out. ''[Rex opens the gift to reveal the blade inside]'' Wow, Six! Thank you!
:'''Six:'''	It’s called a tanto. It’s the ceremonial blade of a samurai warrior.
:'''Rex:'''	Samurai? Awesome.
:'''Six:'''	''[Six unsheathes his own tanto and holds it against Rex’s]'' This is its twin.
:'''Rex:'''	''[Rex removes the cap from his tanto and squints at the symbol etched into the blade]'' Is that...writing?
:'''Six:'''	Bushido symbol of loyalty. It means whether for good or ill, our fates will follow the same path. This one stays with me.
:'''Rex:'''	Think this thing can cut through Holiday’s chocolate cake?
:'''Six:'''	''[Six raises an eyebrow]'' Anything’s possible.
:''[Rex puts the cap back on to the blade and camera cuts to outside of Providence headquarters, panning outward until screen fades to black.]''

===Badlands===
:'''Gatlocke:''' Do you like rules?
:'''Rex:''' Can't say I do.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Gatlocke:''' Feel that? It's quilted. This is the good kind. But I won't be able to really enjoy in ''until I have those nanites!''
&lt;hr width80%&gt;

===Out of the Dark===
:''Note'': Rex's love interest and sweetheart Circe appears in a vision.

===Payback===
:''[In the realm of Abysus]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Humiliated... De-powered... All but destroyed. Hardly the new world I set out to build, is it?
:'''Biowulf:''' Master, a spy has made contact.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Well?
:'''Providence Spy:''' Everything is in place.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' And the boy?
:'''Providence Spy:''' He's here.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' ''[to his loyal followers]'' Soon our greatest enemy will be buried! Providence itself will be destroyed. And we'll have Rex to thank.
:'''Rex:''' Come on! Who's gonna know?
:'''Noah:''' Yeah. It would only be for a minute or two.
:'''Calan:''' You actually want me to let you fly the keep?
:''[Calan sighs]''
:'''Calan:''' Only until the next course change. And nothing fancy.
:'''Rex:''' All right, let's see what this baby can really do! Why, it wasn't me! Seriously!
:'''Both:''' Whoa!
:'''Providence Spies:''' Aah!
:'''White Knight:''' Calan, what's your status?
:'''Calan:''' Came from out of nowhere. We're being boarded. Scramble all jump jets. Mobilize for a counter-offensive.
:'''White Knight:''' This is a coordinated attack. Every major Providence outpost around the globe has been hit.
:'''Six:''' So far they've steered clear of headquarters. I'm on route to the keep now.
:'''Rex:''' Are they really that stupid? Attacking the keep with me on board? This should only take a minute.
:'''Noah:''' Wait up!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Find Rex. It goes without saying &quot;alive&quot; would be ideal. Take the ship.
:'''Providence Spy:''' Some kind of power surge. We're losing control of the helm!
:'''Calan:''' Find out where it's coming from. Doc, if you'll excuse me--
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Six?
:'''Six:''' Five minutes out. Prepare for an evac. I'm getting you off the ship.
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Noah:''' Again with the Smack Hands? You always open with that move. Change it up a little!
:'''Both:''' Whoa!
:'''Bobo:''' You see what you get? That's what happens when you interrupt my nap-- Bobo gets cranky!
:'''Rex:''' I learned that the hard way, too.
:'''Calan:''' All hands-- We've got intruders on deck four, five, and six. Get'em off our ship!
:'''Rex:''' Go!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Attention, Providence. The ship is ours.
:'''Rex:''' Ugh! Not even close, Van Kleiss!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Lay down your weapons, and your lives will be spared. Continue to resist and nothing survives.
:'''Rex:''' You've made I made some lame-o moves before, Van Kleiss, but this one-- classic.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Seems you may have run out of tricks. Oh, you had to know it would only be a matter of time. I've had a fair amount of time on my hands these days. ''[Restrains Rex with his gauntlet]''
:'''Rex:''' Aaaaah!
:'''Van Kleiss:'''  You took something very precious from me, Rex, and now I'll be returning the favor.
:'''Rex:''' If you want my monkey, you can forget it. 
:''[Van Kleiss starts draining nanites from Rex, causing him to squirm and scream in pain.]''
:''[Rex grunting]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' It might come as a surprise that when you stole the nanites that gave my power, you left some of your behind-- Enough to tell me a few of what makes you tick. :''[Rex tries to summon a build, but nothing happens.]''
:'''Rex:''' Ungh!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:''[Rex gasps]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' You'll find that using your powers will be something of a challenge. The nanites that you so special belong to me now.
:'''Biowulf:''' What shall I do with him, master?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I have everything I need from him. I could care less. Secure the rest of the ship.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Come on! Do you really think throwing me out that hatch is the best way to get rid of me? Wouldn't it be more fun to throw me in a cage, tie me down in front of a laser?
:'''Biowulf:''' No!
:'''Rex:''' Aaaaaaaah! Wh-o-o-o-o-oa!
:'''Noah:''' What is he doing?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' This is no time to fool around, Rex.
:'''Rex:''' Happened to notice that ground coming up on his, doc? If you don't do something fast, I'm about to become part of it! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Ugh!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, are you okay?
:'''Rex:''' I think we may have a problem.
:'''White Knight:''' What do you mean &quot;they have the keep&quot;?! Blow it up!
:'''Six:''' We tried. The remote-destruct sequence has been disabled. Van Kleiss has complete control of it.
:'''White Knight:''' Give me some good news.
:'''Six:''' We know where it's heading. Here.
:'''Biowulf:''' This is the commanding officer. We found him attempting to destroy this ship.
:'''Calan:''' What's your game, Van Kleiss?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Oh, a very good question-- One that depends entirely on what happens next, Captain. It seems my powers have made a slight... change.
:'''Rex:''' Well? They're gone, aren't they? Van Kleiss took all my active nanites.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Not exactly. I found this. Definitely a nanite, but it's unlike anything I've ever seen. Molecular scans seems to indicate it's some kind of control-nanite.
:'''Rex:''' But with nothing to control.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' With a large enough concentration of nanites, we might be able to jump-start it. But even with that, there's no guarantee it would replicate or even give you back the same abilities.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I hate to say it, but this one has me stumped.
:'''Rex:''' Great. Loving this.
:'''White Knight:''' If you're finished with the lost cause, we've got a bigger problem.
:'''Biowulf:''' Master, how is this possible?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' It would seem Rex's nanites have an opposite effect on me. He cured EVOs. Now I create them. Full ahead-- Ramming speed! Once we're through, we'll destroy Providence from the inside out.
:'''White Knight:''' Lock it down! I want hallways cleared and critical sections defended. They will not take this base.
:'''Rex:''' Well? What are we waiting for? Let's go stop them!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, you're in no condition to fight.
:'''Rex:''' Well, what do you expect me to do-- Hide?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Whatever it takes. That nanite inside you might be able to bring you back, but it's going to take me time to figure out how. And that's not something we have a lot of right now.
:'''Rex:''' Wow. Nice outfit.
:'''Noah:''' Got one for you, too. You get to armor up like the rest of us normals.
:'''Rex:''' Come on.
:'''Bobo:''' All right, where to?
:'''Rex:''' South Pacific.
:'''Bobo:''' That's my boy. And here I thought you'd try to pull some hero stunt. Oh, brother.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I want the White Knight. Find where he's hiding and bring him to me.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' That should be everything, as long as the offsite backup holds.
:'''Six:''' Don't let it get to that.
:'''Noah:''' This is a strange place for a base.
:'''Rex:''' When I have too many nanites in me, this is where I go to offload.
:'''Bobo:''' Think of it as a nanite porta-potty.
:'''Noah:''' Thanks... For that image, Bobo. So, we just put some of these nanites in you, and we're good to go?
:'''Rex:''' No. They're inactive. Or at least stripped of their programming. Since I can't control them, I just have to hope that whatever this thing is inside me can't.
:'''Noah:''' So... What happens if it can't?
:'''Bobo:''' Let me put it this way-- The last guy who went swimmin' in that soup ended up a 50-foot freak show.
:'''White Knight:''' Listen to me carrefully, Van Kleiss.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I'd rather not.
:'''White Knight:''' Where are they?
:'''Six:''' The inner perimeter has been compromised. They're coming.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Ugh! Ungh!
:''[Skalamander roars]''
:''[Skalamander roars]''
:'''Biowulf:''' Open it.
:'''Rex:''' Okay. Bobo, set the thing to &quot;vent&quot; and go. If this doesn't work, I don't want you getting caught in the blast.
:'''Bobo:''' No.
:'''Noah:''' Forget it. Rex, at least think about his for a sec. What if it wipes your memory? What it turns you into some evil monster?
:'''Rex:''' My friends need me. There's nothing more to think about. Bobo, do it.
:'''Bobo:''' Long odds, pay big.
:''[Bobo groans]''
:'''Six:''' You've overstayed your welcome.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Now, here's someone who would make a nice addition to our EVO ranks.
:'''Six:''' Go ahead and try. Ugh!
:''[Six groans]''
:'''Rex:''' Trying to do my job for me, Six? Here's a thought-- When your top henchman can't even get rid of someone by throwing him out of a moving plane, time to rethink the help.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' You are determined-- I'll give you that. If it's what you prefer, I'll finish you myself.
:'''Rex:''' Maybe.
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Ugh!
:'''Rex:''' Whoa! Cool!
:'''Bobo:''' See? I told you it would work.
:'''Six:''' This is an unexpected surprise.
:'''Rex:''' Well, by now, you should expect the unexpected from me, Six.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Ungh!
:''[Skalamander roars]''
:''[Dr. Holiday grunts]''
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Noah:''' Is that what I think it is?
:'''Bobo:''' Not anymore.
:'''Noah:''' You think there might be more of them?
:'''Bobo:''' Eh... Probably.
:''[Biowulf grunts]''
:''[Biowulf growls]''
:'''Biowulf:''' Aaaaaaah!
:'''White Knight:''' I use that electromagnet to trap stray nanites. You're lucky it's on the lowest setting. Any higher, and it would rip the nanites right out of your body.
:''[Biowulf grunts]''
:'''Biowulf:''' Then why don't you?
:'''White Knight:''' Because then I wouldn't be able to do this.
:'''Skalamander:''' No one can help you. You're all alone now.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Not exactly. We still have my sister.
:''[Skalamander grunting]''
:''[Rex and Van Kleiss grunts]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Aaaaah!
:'''Rex:''' No way!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Ungh!
:'''Rex:''' Once again, epic fail. I'll take my nanites back now.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Ugh!
:'''Noah:''' Rex, wait!
:'''Bobo:''' Van Kleiss left behind a few presents.
:'''Rex:''' No time to look everywhere. I'm shutting everything down.
:'''Noah:''' You can do that?
:'''Rex:''' Don't know. Never tried. Anything else? No?
:'''Calan:''' Whew! I never want to do that again. No, sir.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Amazing.
:'''Rex:''' Why, thank you.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I was talking about the nanites. That was a risky move, Rex, but it worked. As far as I can tell, you're back to your old self.
:'''Rex:''' I don't know. Something feels different. That new build-- I think I can do even more. It's like I can see the blueprints. I just need to figure out how to put it all together.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' White Knight in person. Never thought I'd see the day.
:'''White Knight:''' Well, don't get used to it. We found all the explosives. The base and the keep will need extensive repairs. This was not our finest hour.
:'''Rex:''' What are you talking about? We kicked butt! So what if Van Kleiss is back and more powerful than ever? So am I! If he wants a nanite war, let him bring it!
:''[White Knight laughs]''
:'''White Knight:''' It's good to have your back, Rex.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' You know, I think he actually means it.
:'''Rex:''' Sure he does. So, tell me something, guys-- What's next?

==Season Two (2011)==
===Rampage===
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' I'll give you the recap. Thanks to these microscopic machines called nanites, I can build cool gear out of my body. I'm what's called an EVO. But most evo's aren't lucky like me. They usually look like this. ''[laughing]'' I know what you're thinking. And they smell bad, too. There's one other thing I can do that makes me even more special. Some EVOs, I can cure. That's why I work for Providence. We're the people you call when an evo is tearing up your lawn or attacking a city. And the worst of them is this guy... Van Kleiss. The last time we fought, things got a little out of hand. I'll admit it... we pretty much got our tails handed to us. He steals the key, wrecks headquarters, hijacks my nanite to get back the powers I took away from him. And now he can actually make people into EVOs. Then, to top it off, he has his dog boy Biowulf throw me, overboard at 6,000 feet. Not that anyone's keeping score. Sure, Van Kleiss may be back, but so am I. So what if he can make EVOs? I can still cure them. He may have new powers, but guess what... I do, too. Ever since my powers came back, I've got the ability to make amazing new machines. Now I just have to figure out how to build more.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' If you're trying to check up on me, Six, the answer's still a big fat... ''[imitates buzzer]'' I can't figure out how to make this new build.
:'''Six:''' It might take some time, but you'll get it.
:'''Rex:''' And meanwhile, Van Kleiss is out there doing who knows what. I wish they'd hurry up and get the H.Q. Rebuilt. You're not still living out of your jump jet like some ninja hobo, are you?
:'''Six:''' My temporary accommodations are perfectly adequate.
:'''Rex:''' Yep. Still living in the jet. ''[Groans]'' I hate being kicked out of our house. Although, as long as they're building stuff, I need a hot tub.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' &quot;I was wondering when you and your hair would show up again, Van Kleiss.&quot;
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Back to your old self again, I see. And how are those new abilities developing?&quot;
:'''Rex:''' Just fine. Thanks for asking.&quot;
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' &quot;Don't you have anything better to do with your life then come after me all the time?&quot;
:'''Van Kleiss:''' &quot;Funny you should ask.&quot;
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' Doc? How are those biometrics looking now?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Give it a try.
:'''Rex:''' Ah, yeah! It's about time! Machines work. I just hope the important part does.
:'''Noah:''' What just happened?
:'''Rex:''' Do you remember anything?
:'''Noah:''' It all kind of hazy. I mostly remember the feeling of... Fun. And I remember you punching me in the face.
:'''Rex:''' Yeah. Sorry about that. I thought you were trying to eat me. Come on. We've got a rat to catch. Why so happy? Is this the part where breach shows up and rescues you?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Actually, no. This is the part where she takes your inadequately guarded fuel core.
:'''Six:''' Six to post, what's your status? Six to post.
:'''Rex:''' Another decoy?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I should share some of the credit with your friend over here. He played the part to perfection.
:'''Noah:''' Gee, thanks.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Now, this would be the part where Breach shows up.
:'''Noah:''' I can't believe I did all this. Sounds like I had the time of my life.
:'''Rex:''' ''[laughing]'' It almost became your life. Sorry about that.
:'''Noah:''' Are you kidding? Just knowing I was a rampaging evo is cool. I wish I could have remembered at least some of it.
:'''Rex:''' It's probably all over the news if you want a replay... At least until you stepped on the news van.
:'''Noah:''' Well... ''[Exhales sharply]'' Guess it's back to quadratic equations.
:'''Rex:''' I have no idea what those are. I've got somewhere I need to be. See you later. I know. I'm not supposed to be here. I don't care if it's a construction zone. I'm moving back.
:'''Six:''' It's all right. Turns out you're not the only one who feels that way. You'll get used to the cold showers. Food, you're on your own. From the top?
:'''Rex:''' From the top.
:'''Six:''' What were you trying to build, anyway?
:'''Rex:''' A water jet. Oh, by the way, I need a new cellphone.
:'''Six:''' Yes?
:'''Determined grandmother:''' ''[through phone]'' It's after my glasses again.
:'''Six:''' Glasses?
:'''Determined grandmother:''' ''[through phone]'' This time I am serious. Now, when are you going to send someone out here?
:'''Six:''' Ma'am, I'm...
:'''Determined grandmother:''' ''[through phone]'' Do you even work for Providence?
:'''Six:''' Yes, I work for Providence.
:'''Determined grandmother:''' ''[through phone]'' What kind of a flimflam outfit is this?
:'''Six:''' How did you get this number?

===Wasteland===
===Tough Love===

===The Lost Weekend===
:'''Kenwyn:''' What did you to Skwydd?
:'''Mouse:''' Just shedding a light light on how dangerous his kind can be.
:'''Rex:''' By juicing his powers? What were you thinking?
:'''Mouse:''' Most inorganic material explodes when given that kind of molecular jolt, but not not nanites. They convert the energy into power that amplifies an E.V.O.'s abilities to tremendously uncontrollable levels.

===Star-Crossed===

===Alliance===
:'''Rex:''' ''[to himself]'' And he brought his Pack flunkies. Biowulf, Skalamander, Breach. Circe? Gotta hurry. Their headed straight for... someplace else. Gonna find out where.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Holiday:''' Rex why aren't you fixing that shield regulator?
:'''Rex:''' Hint. You may remember him from such schemes as destroying Providence headquarters, and trying to take over the entire Earth.
:'''Holiday:''' Van Kliess, in there? You're right. You should investigate after you fix the shield.
:'''Rex:''' Then it might be too late.
:'''Holiday:''' She's there, isn't she?
:'''Rex:''' Who? Breach? Yeah, but...
:'''Holiday:''' A quick recon and that's it.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Intriguing. An entire urban branch of EVO. development.
:'''Biowulf:''' This place is a waste of our time.
:'''Circe:''' Van Kleiss knows what he's doing. It's not your place to question.
:'''Biowulf:''' Question?! You dare accuse me of disloyalty?!
:'''Circe:''' Sorry. Get a grip!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Circe:''' You're right, you know. We should be down there with him. What is he up to anyway?
:'''Biowulf:''' I do not know.
:'''Circe:''' You don't know? I thought he trusted you with everything.
:'''Biowulf:''' Of course he does! He just--
:'''Rex:''' Hey! Easy on the stealth suit, which apparently, isn't so stealthy.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''NoFace:''' Invaders have come before. They brought only pain.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' It is a pain we both share. The same Providence outsides attacked my lands, destroyed my army.
:'''NoFace:''' There was one who tormented us, humiliated us. The grower of machines.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Ah, Rex. Another thorn we share. My proposal is simple: You control a formidable legion. I, in turn, can provide the escape and the vengeance you seek. I can be your liberator. You can be my general. Together we will crush our enemies, starting with the one you hate most. Now are we--
:'''Biowulf:''' Master, I have a report.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' ''[irritated]'' This is a private conversation. Can't you handle the sightest detail without bothering me?
:'''Biowulf:''' Of course, Master. It was nothing.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' Here comes the moment when our brave hero sweeps the girl of her feet! Literally!
:'''Biowulf:''' Don't let him.
:'''Circe:''' Hey! Let--
:'''Rex:''' ''[flies off with Circe in his arms]''' See you around, henchie!
:'''Biowulf:''' ''[to Skalamander]''  Follow them.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Circe:''' Down, now!
:'''Rex:''' Not till we hear each other out!
:'''Circe:''' Sure! I'll go first. 
:''[Breaks the Bogie Pack with a hypersonic burst, causing them to fall]''
:'''Rex:''' Oh, great. Way to go, Circe.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' ''[to himself]'' Our hero pursues the girl of his dreams, heedless of her attempts to break his heart... along with the rest of him. Circe, just one minute, okay? Look-No powers!
:'''Circe:''' One minute! But if this is about leaving the Pack--
:'''Rex:''' Please. I'm way past that. There are bigger things going here than who you hang out with.
:'''Circe:''' Fifty seconds!
:'''Rex:''' I wasn't sent here to spy on you. I'm here to stop these things from ever getting out.
:'''Circe:''' Forty! Why are you telling me this? You know who I am!
:'''Rex:''' You've seen the things that live here. Whatever deal you think Van Kleiss is making, it's going to turn out bad for everyone.
:'''Circe:''' Thirty seconds!
:'''Rex:''' I do know who you are, Circe. Just for once think for yourself. Maybe your perfect leader could actually be wrong, maybe even a bit crazy, nuts, certifiably insane!
: '''Circe:''' Shut up! Twenty! Talk about blinded. Did you ever wonder why Van Kleiss is so interested in you?
:'''Rex:''' Oh, I don't know. Maybe he wants me dead?
:'''Circe:''' Not anymore. Something has changed, Rex. Ever since you got your powers back, I hear him talking. Saying you have something that's the key to everything. For whatever reason, he needs you alive. I know it, Rex. He'd never let you be killed.
:'''Rex:''' Never, huh?
:'''Circe:''' Time's up! 
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' Now this looks like a party.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Rex, you never cease to amaze me.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''No-Face:''' Defiler! Give him to us!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Now do you believe I can deliver what I say? Will yoh agree to my leadership?
:'''No-Face:''' We agree to it! Give him to us! Now! Now! Now!
:'''Circe:''' ''[very shocked]''' Van Kleiss, I didn't bring Rex here so that you could-- He'll kill him!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Never forget how I found you, Circe. What you were... before. He's yours. 
:''[Tears well up in Circe's eyes; thoroughly horrified that her master would calmly allow Rex's life to be put at risk]''
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' ''[weakly]''' Is this what you wanted? 
:''[Collapses from his inquiries, causing Circe to open her eyes]''
:'''Circe''' ''[tearful, pleading]'': Stop this! Please! You need him alive!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Alive, yes. Heart pumping, lungs breathing, but his mind? The less there's left of that, the better. Circe, I warn you: Lift so much as a finger to help him, and you're finished!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Circe:''' You, Biowulf, even me. We're all just means to an end for him. He doesn't really care for any of us.
:'''Rex:''' So you finally figured that out. Better late than never, I guess.
:'''Circe:''' It's not too late! Not if I have anything to say about it!
:''[Extends her fleshly and grotesque EVOs mouth]''
:'''Bobo:''' Whoa! Whoa! There are some of us who might not like the sound of whatever you're about to do!
:'''Circe:''' I'll adjust the frequency to exclude friendly EVOs.
:'''Bobo:''' Does that include me?
:'''Circe:''' For now. 
:''[Uses her melodious, hypnotic singing to call back the EVOs escaping]''
:'''Rex:''' I thought you said you could filter it.
:'''Circe:''' It's not an exact science. 
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Circe:''' Van Kleiss.
:'''Rex:''' Breach'll get him out... eventually. But right now he's in there, you're out here. You don't have a better opportunity to consider your options.
:''[Notice the two of them holding hands and let go, blushing]''
:'''Bobo:''' What is it stealing from our own people that's so dang satisfying?
:'''Circe:''' You forget to remove the tracker. I'm not going to Providence.
:'''Rex:''' Doesn't matter where you go. All that matters is that you want to go there. That said. I hear Hong Kong's nice this time of year.

===Robo Bobo===
===Divide By Six===
:'''One''': ''[Speaking through Rex]'' Six.
:'''Six''': One?
:'''One''': You left this place, quit life as a mercenary and so rarely returned to visit.
:'''Six''': I did what I felt was right, I never meant to dishonor.
:'''One''': So rarely, that I never had time to tell you how proud you've made me.
:'''Six''': ''[Takes off his glasses for the first time in the series]'' We're going to help you. We're going to take you home.
:'''One''': But Six, I  am home. ''[Rex falls unconscious while One's body starts changing. Eventually his body dissolves and fertilizes the entire island to its former splendor]''
: '''Six:''' He's still One. He's just one with everything.
===Mixed Signals===
: '''Rex:''' Whoa, big guy! Someone needs to ease off on the cheeseburgers.
: '''Six:''' Skip the insults. Start the containment.
: '''Rex:''' Like its feelings are going to get hurt. One bad and ugly going down. What?
: '''Six:''' Rex? Rex!
: '''Rex:''' Cool!
: '''Six:''' You want to explain this?
: '''Rex:''' I don't know. It's like some weird vision of this thing filled my head, then built itself out of me. Maybe the vision came from Blobbo. Maybe it's trying to talk to me. Come on, big boy. Send me some more pictures. What's on your mind?
: '''Six:''' Groceries. That's what's on its mind.
: '''Rex:''' I'm skipping. I'm over it. That vision must have been a fluke.
: '''Six:''' All right, then. We're going with a two-prong attack. Use caution. This kind of EVO might be a splitter. Rex! Snap out of it!
: '''Rex:''' Whoa! Whoa! Ha! I wasn't supposed to do that, right?
: '''Six:''' Rex, I want you back at HQ.
: '''Rex:''' But I feel okay now. And we've got, um-- Two blobs to put down.
: '''Six:''' Now!
: '''Holiday:''' No trace of any recent electrochemical or DNA abnormalities. Everything reads normal.
: '''Rex:''' But it's like the visions were being transmitted, and I was seeing it from a nanite point of view.
: '''Holiday:''' I can't track it, Rex. There's no sign of signal displacement or a nano disturbance. Maybe we should consider the possibility that this is psychological.
: '''Rex:''' Huh? Pizza.
: '''Holiday:''' I think he's having another vision.
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Of lunch?
: '''Rex:''' With pineapple and salmon.
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Blech! He is nuts.
: '''Holiday:''' Aside from a strange choice in pizza toppings, all readings are normal. I can't explain it.
: '''Rex:''' Well, if my nanites are trying to get me to build something, maybe we should give them what they want.
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Whatever it is, I'm not eating it. Is that my electric toothbrush?
: '''Rex:''' It better not be the one I've been using.
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Oh.
: '''Rex:''' This is what I'm seeing in my head. As stupid as it looks. It's like someone or something is sending me instructions to build some big device.
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Or build a pizza with pineapple and salmon.
: '''Rex:''' Okay. I'm not sure about that vision.
: '''Holiday:''' Is that my hairdryer?
: '''Rex:''' I just need to figure out what it does. Maybe it's a time machine. Or-- Or alien technology!
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Maybe it's just a big pile of junk. Or a way to order a really awful pizza.
: '''Contraption Voice:''' Target acquired.
: '''Holiday:''' Rex!
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Wake up!
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Provindece Soldier #1:''' Hey, where do you think you're going? We've got a security breach. Front floor.
: '''Providence Soldier #2:''' Lockdown protocols enabled. All hands report to duty station. Security speed, take position.
: '''Rex:''' Sorry, guys. I might be a little... late.
: '''Caesar:''' Case compression. Release.
: '''Rex:''' Figures I'd build a machine with a serious attitude problem.
: '''Caesar:''' ''[taking off his helmet and turns to Rex]'' Rex, is that you?
: '''Rex:''' Who’s asking?
: '''Caesar:''' It’s me, Caesar, your brother! Mijo! ''[Hugs Rex]'' You're alive and... older. ''[Rex is dumbfounded]'' Uh. Atomic clock was right... ''[spanish accent]'' Es una problema grande.
: '''Rex:''' Uh, yeah. ''[Pushes Caesar]'' It is a big problem.
: '''Caesar:''' What is this place? Who are you people? ''[to Rex]'' I'm getting you out of here!
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Sorry, amigo. Put your hands up. Or don't. I got a clear shot either way.
: '''Caesar:''' ''[is looking at Bobo]'' A talking chimp?
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Don't bother. I've heard all the jokes.
: '''Caesar:''' Have they hurt you? Are you okay? Stand aside.
: '''Rex:''' Hello? Do I get a say in this?
: '''Holiday:''' If you're part of some elaborate plan to kidnap Rex, then you failed.
: '''Caesar:''' Listen, bonita, you don't wanna make me use this.
: '''Rex:''' ''[gets in between them]'' Enough! Normally around here when someone barges in talking crazy, they get around into the deck plates by my giant fists. But you seem legit. I'm going with him.
: '''Holiday:''' Rex!
: '''Rex:''' Okay, brother. Lead the way. So if you are my brother, where have you been all this time?
: '''Caesar:''' I'll explain later when we're safe.
: '''Rex:''' Uh, this is Providence. We are safe. Usually.
: '''Caesar:''' Providence? Never heard of it. To be honest, the last five years has been a bit of a blur.
: '''Rex:''' I want to believe you, but I'm gonna need some proof.
: '''Caesar:''' Your name is Rex Salazar. Our parents are Violetta and Raphael. The last time I saw you was at the Applied Nanite Research Lab in Abysus; right before those fools triggered a replication cycle.
: '''Rex:''' And I have total amnesia so, for all I know, that could be completely bogus.
: '''Caesar:''' There's a scar on the back of your left knee you got when you were seven, riding the gantry arm in the reactor annex.
: '''Rex:''' Hmm. I always wondered how I got that.
:''[they go out and Rex notices Caesar Salazar's pod laboratory]''
: '''Rex:''' Whoa. Nice wheels.
: '''Six:''' ''[Comes out and unsheathed his swords]'' Don't even think about it.
: ''[Caesar is about to attack but Rex stops him]''
: '''Rex:''' It's okay. Six isn't going to hurt you. Right, Six? You're comming in a little late on this, but, uh, this is Caesar, my brother, and he wants to get me out of here. So, let's just let my brother have his way and see where this all goes. Wherever you plan on going, they're going to follow us. You know that, right?
: '''Caesar:''' They can try.
: '''Rex:''' I don't know. Providence ship are pretty fast.
: '''Six:''' Track Rex's bio signature and find out who that guy really is.
: '''Rex:''' You ain't kidding. This thing moves fast. A-are we in the arctic?
: '''Caesar:''' How do you think I got to your location so quickly once the locator signaled me?
: '''Rex:''' Locator? You sent me the schematics to build that thing? It tried to crush me like a bug!
: '''Caesar:''' Sorry, mijo. I wasn't really trying to hurt. ''[scans Rex's body]'' I was looking for what's hiding inside of you. ''[showing Rex the result]'' The Omega One Nanite.
: '''Rex:''' That thing? Holiday discovered it before. We had no idea what it was.
: '''Caesar:''' I sent signal instructions for the Omega One to track and contain. But since the nanite has integrated into your DNA, you became the conduit for building the machine. What I don't get is how the Omega One got inside of you. Rylander was supposed to have that under lock and key.
: '''Rex:''' Rylander? He's the one who put it inside me.
: '''Caesar:''' Why would he do a thing like that? I'm really gonna have to let old fool have it when I see him.
: '''Rex:''' Not possible-- Courtesy of Van Kleiss.
: '''Caesar:''' Van Kleiss?! What does that third-rate lab hack have to do with this?
: '''Rex:''' What? I guess I’m not the only one who needs an update. Where have you been?
: '''Caesar:''' It's a long story-- actually, short by my clock. A splinter group had formed at the lab. They had other ideas about how the nanites would be used. We tried to stop them, and you were hurt. The only way to save your life was an infusion of nanites. It was risky, but it worked. We thought that'd be enough to stop the others, make them see the right path. But we were wrong. Mom and Dad were in the reactor. As for me, I managed to escape in my lab. But the shock wave, the same shock wave that probably blanked your memory.... also interfered with engine that powers this pod. I was stuck in sub-light drive.
: '''Rex:''' How long?
: '''Caesar:''' Fifteen minutes. That's how long it took me to reboot the system. But at the speed I was going, it was 5 years of your time. I knew there was an accident, but I had no idea how bad. My nanite sensors were off the charts. My 1st priority was to insure the OM-1 was safe. That was our promise. And here we are. So, what have I missed these past five years?
: '''Rex:''' Providence? We need to talk. They can wait.
: '''Caesar:''' So let me understand, there are EVOs and Van Kleiss claimed as their leader?
: '''Rex:''' Well, not for all of them, yet. I want to know about me, about our parents.
: '''Caesar:''' They were scientists. We lived all over the world. Things settled down when you came along. That was in Geneva.
: '''Rex:''' Wait a second. Are you saying I'm Swiss?
: ''Caesar:'' Not really. Mother was born in Mexico City. Father in Buenos Aires.
: '''Rex:''' And they're really... gone? ''[Caesar slowly nods sadly]''
: '''Rex:''' Um, where exactly did this ship take us?
: '''Caesar:''' What do you know?We're back at the original lab site.
: '''Rex:''' You mean the one in Abysus?
: '''Caesar:''' Is that a problem?
: '''Rex:''' I'd say just a small one. We should go, like now.
: '''Caesar:''' ''[typing]'' Hmm... Must be low on charge.  ''[walks out the door]'' We may be stuck, but on the bright side, I can take a look at some of these variegated organisms. ''[goes out]''
: '''Rex:''' Caesar! Wait!
: ''[outside and observing the EVOs]''
: '''Caesar:''' Fascinating. We theorized mutations might occur but never anything this random.
: ''[Rex hits the EVO before they got near Caesar]''
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Sorry, bro, but these guys--
: ''[Rex hits another EVO]''
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Usually don't sit still for questions.
: '''Caesar:''' ''[seeing Rex's new build]'' Hmm... That's new.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Guess I've learned a--
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' A few tricks. But they still won't be enough if Van Kleiss shows up with all his goons. Six!
: '''Six:'''We're locked onto you. The keep is already on its way.
: '''Rex:''' Your ship may be out of juice, but I'm not. Hop on. I can get us out of here.
: '''Caesar:''' I won't leave my lab, and you definitely don't want Van Kleiss getting his hands on some of the things in here. I'll try to reroute the capacitors to an alternate power source.
: '''Caesar:''' Oh, you wanna see a photo of you, me, and papi? Maybe later.
: '''Rex:''' You're a little off, aren't you, Caesar? 
: '''Biowulf:''' What was that machine it flew off with?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' A laboratory. One I thought I'd never see again. It seems an old friend has returned-Caesar.
: '''Rex:''' Providence isn't so bad now, eh, hermano?
: '''Caesar:''' Is this a Grinnell? They always made good consoles, except for the random power surges.
: '''Six:''' Well?
: '''Rex:''' Everything's cool. He's a little kooky, but I'm pretty sure he's my brother.
: '''Six:''' Glad to hear it. Now I need you back. We still have some unfinished business.
: '''Rex:''' Got to get back to work.
: '''Caesar:''' My little brother, the hero. I remember when you just wanted to be a musician.
: '''Rex:''' Guitar? No, wait drums.
: '''Caesar:''' Accordion.
: '''Rex:''' You got to be kidding me!
: '''Six:''' As I recall, you started it.
: '''Rex:''' Huh?
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Six:''' The EVO is dividing faster than we can contain it. The city is being evacuated.
: '''Caesar:''' Hmm. Excuse me, admiral. I need you to take me down there immediately. Afraid I'll have to insist.
: '''Six:''' Rex!
: '''Rex:''' Are you crazy?!
: '''Caesar:''' Depends on who you ask. I had something in my lab that I thought could help.
: '''Six:''' Help? You're not even supposed to be outside the keep.
: '''Rex:''' WHOO-HOO! Way to go, bro! First day on the job, and you already got a save!
: '''Six:''' Job?
: '''Rex:''' Oh, come on, admit it, Six. He just saved our chicharrones.
: ''[Caesar laughs]''
: '''Rex:''' What? What's so funny?
: '''Caesar:''' You always make me laugh when you try to speak Spanish.
: '''Holiday:''' We've pulled his records, and I've confirmes his DNA. It seems Rex really does have a brother.
: '''White Knight:''' If everything I've read about him is true, he could be an incredible asset to Providence.
: '''Six:''' Or a major liability.
: '''White Knight:''' All the more reason to keep him with us. Give him whatever he needs.
: '''Holiday:''' White's right, Six. He knows more about nanites than anyone on the planet. He helped invent them.
: '''Six:''' My point exactly. He's settling in?
: '''Rex:''' I guess so. Caesar's a little strange. Hard to believe he's actually my brother.
: '''Six:''' I'm happy for you, Rex. You always said you wanted to find your family.
: '''Rex:''' Thanks, but... You know that? I already did. Caesar may be my brother, but you, Holiday, Bobo, you're who I have a connection with.
: '''Bobo:''' Aww, now, see, I'm getting all misty.
: '''Caesar:''' There you are. Hmm. Nice view. Say, mijo, you think your cafeteria could whip up a pizza with pineapple and salmon? I've been craving one for days.
: '''Bobo:''' Connection, huh?

===Outpost===
:'''Valentina:''' Ugh! We were returning them to their natural habitat! What Providence does is wrong and against the natural order of things! You're a traitor to your own kind.
:'''Rex:''' That's creature's job is to ''exterminate'' mankind! It wanted to kill you!

===Haunted===
===Moonlighting===
===Without a Paddle===

===Written in Sand===
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, I need an uptade.
:'''Rex''': I'm right at the edge. Anything still alive in there is trying to get away from the sandstorm.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': It's not the storm they're running from. The nanites inside them are forcing the animals away. It's creating a kind of nanite-free zone.
:'''Rex''': Ha! We should call White Knight. Maybe he'll move here and leave us all alone.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': It's no laughing matter, Rex. It could be the most significant development since the original nanite event.
:'''Rex''': Yeah, yeah. Possible cures save the world-- Got it. I'll check it out.
:'''Bobo''': Hey, doc. You may wanna get a load of this over here.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Negative. The storm is moving in too fast. Just place a sensor and pack it in.
:'''Rex''': Hey. No. It couldn't be. Rex to base. We got trouble of the egomaniacal EVO kind.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Van Kleiss is here? Why am I not surprised?
:'''Rex''': I think the real question is, if everything else is in such a race to get out, why is he going on? 
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, wait.
:'''Rex''': Don't worry, doc. It's me. What could possibly happen?
:'''Skalamander''': RARGH! PTUH! They're nothing but dirt.
:'''Biowulf''': My senses-- Useless in all this sand.
:'''Van Kleiss''': This phenomenon deserves my personal attention. What we seek is nearby. I can feel it pushing against me.
:'''Rex''': ''[Rex emerges from the sand storm]'' Yeah?
:''[Skalamander grunts]''
:'''Rex''': ''[Rex kicks Skalamander]'' How about kicking against you, too?
:'''Van Kleiss''': Rex! You're not welcome here.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex''': Now, that hurt my feelings!
:''[Rex groaning]''
:''[Skalamander pins him to the sand, causing him to groan in pain]''
:''[Skalamander laughs]''
:'''Rex''': Aaah! Whoa!
:'''Van Kleiss''': If I never see your face again, It will be too soon!
:'''Rex''': Yeah? The feeling's-- Whoa! Mutual!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex? Rex, do you read me?
:''[Bobo coughing]''
:'''Bobo''': Okay, we gotta get outta here. I got sand in places I didn't even know I had places.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, if you can hear me, we're retreating to the safe zone. Rendezvous with us there.
:'''Rex''': AAAAH! WHOA-OHHHHHHH!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Rex coughs]''
:'''Rex''': Okay, Kleiss-- Go time! No EVO allies, just you and-- Whoa! Uh, sorry, buddy. Didn't mean to bring you along for the ride.
:'''Van Kleiss''': I don't need my EVO allies, when I can simply make more.
:'''Rex''': Don't get me wrong-- I love punching stuff. But anything you can do, I can undo better! We can do this all day. Or you can just spill it.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex''': Why are you causing this nanite-free zone?
:'''Van Kleiss''': How convenient it must be to make me the root of all evil. I'm not causing it. I've come to discover the source and destroy it.
:'''Rex''': This could be the cure to nanites.
:'''Van Kleiss''': And I live off nanites. What Providence calls a cure, I call death.
:'''Rex''': Really? Haven't we moved past this?
:'''Van Kleiss''': Huh?
:''[Van Kleiss grunts]''
:''[After Van Kleiss creates a scorpion EVO to attack Rex, it attacks him instead.]''
:'''Rex''': That is the funniest thing I have ever seen! Hang on-- I got to get this on video. ''[Takes out cell phone and starts recording Van Kleiss dodging the scorpion EVO.]''
:''[Van Kleiss panting]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': Something's wrong. I should be controlling this creature.
:'''Rex''': Stinks to be you. Huh? You ruined my shot!
:'''Van Kleiss''': I believe we've found something more interesting.
:'''Rex''': You like to point out the obvious, don't you?
:'''Bobo''': Don't get me wrong-- I love the kid, but if we don't pull stakes now, we'll be combing dust outta all sorts of places for years.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Too late. Hold on to everything that's not tied down. This is going to be a bumpy... ride.
:'''Six''': Holiday? I trust you're all right?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': I'm fine, Six. But Rex is still out there-- With Van Kleiss. I can't reach him.
:'''Six''': We'll prep a rescue party. Prepare to come aboard.
:'''Rex''': Hey!
:'''Van Kleiss''': This is not simply a nanite-free zone. Something is stealing the nanites from our bodies. If we linger here too long, we may both find ourselves defenseless against the other.
:'''Rex''': Well, then, we'd better blow this joint. And when I say &quot;we&quot; I mean &quot;me&quot;.
:''[Rex tries to escape and fails]''
:'''Rex''': AAAAAAAAH!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': If either of us is to escape this place, we will have to work together.
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex''': What exactly are you suggesting?
:'''Van Kleiss''': A temporary truce.
:'''Rex''': An extremely temporary truce.
:'''Van Kleiss''': We'll work our way to the center of the nanite storm.
:'''Rex''': No, we work our way out of the nanite storm and get Providence in here to figure out what's happening.
:'''Van Kleiss''': Providence? They can't be trusted.
:'''Rex''': Them? Didn't you try to take over New York? And Europe? And the world?
:'''Van Kleiss''': You need to listen to me, Rex. Without a powers, you're nothing but a child.
:'''Rex''': Oh, yeah? Truce over! Okay. This is awkward. Hey, is it just me, or are you getting really dust?
:'''Van Kleiss''': It's happening faster than I thought.
:'''Rex''': What's happening faster? If you know something, you'd better spit it out, or-- Whoa! It all looks fossilized. Like it's made completely out of... sand.
:'''Van Kleiss''': Not only are there no nanites here, this is pure silicone. There are no other elements-- No carbon, calcium, hydrogen. It appears that this zone not only destroys nanites, but is--
:'''Rex''': Squeezing the life from the Earth. This isn't sand. This is me!
:''[Rex whimpering]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': These glyphs-- There's something familiar about them. Sumatran? Mesopotamian?
:'''Rex''': Less geeking, more escaping!
:'''Van Kleiss''': We need to find the epicenter of this maze. These glyphs may hold the answer.
:'''Rex''': Only if one says &quot;exit sign.&quot;
:'''Van Kleiss''': No need to panic, Rex. We have at least twenty minutes before fossilization-- Give or take.
:'''Rex''': &quot;Don't panic&quot;-- Says the guy who used to be dirt.
:''[Van Kleiss grunts]''
:'''Rex''': We're turning into walking litter boxes, and you're checking out caveman graffiti? No wonder I'm always kicking your butt.
:'''Van Kleiss''': You don't have an investigative bone in your body, do you? So strongheaded-- Just like your mother. ''[Rex is silent]'' No, you don't like that, do you-- That I know more about you than you do?
:'''Rex''': Skip the head games. Isn't exactly a good time.
:'''Van Kleiss''': No, but perhaps it is time for some truth. We may perish down here, Rex. Ask me anything you want about the past, and I'll answer it.
:'''Rex''': ''[looks at his own slowly fossilizing body]'' Sell it somewhere else. I'm not buying.
:''[walks away]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': Oh, so the great and powerful Providence has finally come through on their promise to help you remember your past.
:'''Rex''': Something better-- Someone who was actually there at the Nanite Event.
:'''Van Kleiss''': Aha. Your brother, Caesar.
:''[Van Kleiss chuckles evilly]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': I've been following you both very closely since his... miraculous reappearance. Even if you don't want to hear what I have to say, this one's for free. Do not place your trust in Caesar. He's not the man you believe him to be.
:'''Rex''': ''[creates his BFS and holds it at Van Kleiss' throat]'' What are you getting at?
:'''Van Kleiss''': Oh, no, no. That's not how this works. It isn't my turn. Quid pro quo, Rex. If you want to know more-- Why don't we start with something simple? Rylander's Omega Nanite. I know it's inside you.
:'''White Knight''': Status uptade?
:'''Six''': Still no fix on Rex. Scanners can't cut through the storm, so we're moving in to stage a recon.
:'''White Knight''': I will not risk everyone on board that ship for one agent. Not even that agent.
:''[Holiday subtly ends the call. Then to Six]''
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Whoops. Guess the satellite feed went down. Nasty sand.
:''[Six smirks]''
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Caesar? Wanted you to know we haven’t found him yet.
:'''Caesar''': Found who?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex.
:'''Caesar''': Right. Ah. Sorry. That was, uh, fifteen minutes ago. I've done about five hundred task since then. Try calibrating the keep's sensors to search for traces of Selenium. It's something Rex naturally gives off, like dandruff.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': I-- Really? Hmm. Okay, thanks.
:'''Van Kleiss''': So what you're saying is, the motor runs off of gravity and the only exhausts are atoms of selenium.
:'''Rex''': Now you. Squid Pro... Whatever. The nanites, the Event. What started all this?
:'''Van Kleiss''': He didn't tell you? I'm not surprised. It was Caesar.
:''[Rex pushes Van Kleiss to nearest wall and take out his BFS once again]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': Wasteful, Rex.
:'''Rex''': You're lying!
:'''Van Kleiss''': Hardly. Your brother is responsible for the most significant catastrophe in human history. You have to admit that as brilliant as Caesar is, he's... not quite right. Am I telling you something that you haven't already noticed?
:''[Rex groans]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex''': HAAAH!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Van Kleiss coughing]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': You seem to have awoken some sort of defense mechanism.
:'''Rex''': What are they defending? Rocks?
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': Before we're totally devoid of nanites, we need to end this now-- Together.
:'''Rex''': Back to back!
:'''Van Kleiss''': What?
:'''Rex''': Haven't you ever read a comic book? Back to back! No way. These markings-- They're not hieroglyphics. They're circuit boards. This whole cave, this valley-- It's one giant circuit board. These are data conduits-- Ms. Hubs!
:'''Van Kleiss''': You're right. These spirals are solid-state storage-- The standard design for a firewall in a CPU.
:'''Rex''': Did you just say I'm right? Now that I know what we're dealing with, it's a simple matter of-- Hacking in. This is malo-- Muy malo. Van Kleiss, meet the psycho computer who calls herself--
:'''Van Kleiss''': Zag-RS?
:'''Rex''': How do you know that? ''[Zag-RS notices them and attacks them]'' You know Zag-RS? How?
:'''Van Kleiss''': She was designed as a decontamination program at the original nanite laboratory. Her task was to destroy any rogue nanites that escaped from the holding tanks.
:'''Rex''': She did a great job. Whoever designed her should be taken out and beaten with a tendril.
:'''Van Kleiss''': Caesar designed her.
:'''Rex''': I'm gonna have to have a chat with my brother when this is over.
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': Focus, you fool. If we're to survive this, we have to use whatever nanites we have left to shut her down.
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex''': No problemo! Ah, come on! Stay up! Show off!
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex''': Well, this bites.
:''[Rex straining]''
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex''': Didn't I leave you in orbit? Shouldn't you have burned up in re-entry or something?
:'''Zag-RS''': Re-entry resulted in a hard desert landing. This unit faced complete system failure. Salvation came from integration with the host space station power cell, where new initiatives were established.
:'''Rex''': Turning the world into a sandbox?
:'''Zag-RS''': Correct. The prevention of organic infection by elimination of organic matter and securing the Earth core system. Soon, this world will function without flaw.
:'''Rex''': Van Kleiss! Change of plan! While, I've got Zaggy occupied, you go and warn Providence before it's too late!
:'''Van Kleiss''': There's no time. Her strength is growing exponentially. To achieve victory, you must trust me.
:'''Rex''': Trust you?! That's comedy gold! Even if I was that big of a doof, neither one of us had enough power to fight back!
:'''Van Kleiss''': That's not entirely true.
:'''Rex''': Huh?
:'''Van Kleiss''': I've not been completely honest with you.
:'''Rex''': Stunned-- Really.
:'''Van Kleiss''': The Omega Nanite within you has a self-replicating program. You can create your own nanites.
:'''Rex''': What?! Why didn't you tell me!
:'''Van Kleiss''': A calculated emission.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex''': No way.
:'''Van Kleiss''': There-- That is the heart of Zag-RS. Strike while you can!
:'''Rex''': Oh, yeah! Now we're talking! Normally, I don't fight girls, but this time I'll make... A big... giant... robot exception!
:'''Dr. Holiday''': I found him, Six-- twenty kilometers northeast. There's a huge spike in trace selenium.
:'''Six''': Charge all weapons.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': The storm's starting to break. But please don't crash.
:'''Rex''': YAAAH!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex''': That's not fair! It worked in the movie!
:''[Rex whimpers]''
:''[Rex groaning]''
:'''Rex''': AAAH!
:'''Zag-RS''': You have miscalculated, human. The more nanites you replicate, the more energy you supply me. 7.5 seconds until I overtake your production.
:''[Van Kleiss grunts]''
:'''Zag-RS''': 4.3 seconds.
:'''Van Kleiss''': AAAAAAAAAH!
:'''Rex''': YAAAAAAH! One psycho robot down, one supervillain to chicken! Finally!
:'''Bobo''': What, you never heard the term &quot;fashionably late&quot;?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Your nanite-replicating function seems to be working well. Most of Zag-RS' alterations have been expunged.
:'''Rex''': Meaning... What?
:'''Bobo''': You ain't gonna wash away at high tide.
:'''Caesar''': This is my design.
:'''Rex''': Great-- My brother created Zag-RS.
:'''Caesar''': Evidently. Though her evolution into some sort of sentient nanite-slayer is most curious.
:'''Six''': Curious?
:'''Rex''': What about what Van Kleiss said?
:'''Caesar''': You mean I'm to blame for the original nanite event? Why don't we ask her? Wait! Interface protocols. Code designate Zag-RS. Respond.
:'''Zag-RS''': Dr. Salazar. Good morning. How may I assist you?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Stand down, gentlemen. Zag-RS has been successfully rebooted. But her memory has been wiped clean.
:'''Rex''': What? You got to be kidding me!
:'''Caesar''': That's interesting. Hmm. Van Kleiss must have implemented a program dump before he left you. It's the only logical conclusion.
:'''Rex''': Program dump?
:'''Van Kleiss''': Do not place your trust in Caesar. He's not the man you believe him to be.
:'''Rex''': Great. So now all we've got is a lame decontamination program with a GPS lady's voice?
:'''Caesar''': GPS lady? Hardly.
:'''Rex:''' I was making a joke.
:'''Caesar''': Don't you recognize it? When I programmed her, I wanted a voice that meant safety, protection, caring. Rex, this is our mother's voice.
:'''Rex''': ''[shocked]'' Mama?

===Night Falls===
: '''Rex:''' If she's not really our grandmother, why are you calling her ''aubuela''?
: '''Caesar:''' There may not be a biological connection but she practically ran the entire town. When you were a boy, you spent every summer here.
: '''Rex:''' I wish I could remember...or any of this.
===Hard Target===
: '''Rex:''' &quot;It's Breach! She's-&quot;
: '''Circe:''' &quot;Messing with you, Rex. Did you actually see on her the other side?&quot;
: '''Rex:''' &quot;Well, no but...OK, why Hong Kong?&quot;
: '''Circe:''' &quot;Because it's on the other side of the world, because she's seriously messed up.&quot;
: '''Cricket:'''&quot; Kind of like our place.&quot; 
: '''Circe:''' &quot;Trust me. She's back in Abysus laughing it off with the rest of the Pack. Besides, I'm not that easy to find.&quot;
: (''Removes the white towel to reveal her shoulder-length black hair partly dyed a deep plum and having donned a dark gray overall dress'')
: '''Rex:''' &quot;OK, Rex. Bad intro. Take a do-over. Like the new look.&quot;
: '''Circe:''' &quot;Wow. A compliment.&quot;
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Skywdd:''' &quot;And that's when Circe goes all [[w:Siren (mythology)|siren]] and blasts the bus driver's pants clean off.&quot;
:'''Circe:''' &quot;Lucky shot. Hit the exact frequency of polyester.&quot;
:'''Tuck:''' &quot;Good thing his boxers were cotton.&quot;
:'''Rex''' (''uncomfortable'')''':''' &quot;Good one. Uh, Circe, remember when you took down that sea monster in Cabo Luna?&quot;
:'''Circe:''' &quot;Please, Rex, I'd rather not remember that right now.&quot;
:'''Skywdd:''' Geez, Rex. Buzzkill.&quot;
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' &quot;Stop it.&quot;
:'''Skywdd:''' &quot;What's with him?&quot;
:'''Circe:''' &quot;Breach lag. Let clean over his bedtime.&quot;
:'''Rex:''' &quot;That and my early morning snooze. By the way, you were right. Breach wasn't after you. She freed Quarry. Got this from the Providence security feed.&quot;
:'''Skywdd:''' &quot;Quarry?&quot;
:'''Tuck:''' &quot;He's lose?&quot;
:'''Cricket:''' &quot;Oh no.&quot;
:'''Circe:''' &quot;You saw Breach and came back ''here!'' What if she followed you!?&quot;
:'''Rex:''' &quot;Don't worry. If Breach were here, I'd feel it. She's here.&quot;
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Breach:''' &quot;Hey, girlfriend.&quot;
: '''Circe:''' &quot;Get out of here, Breach!&quot;
: '''Breach:''' &quot;But Van Kleiss has so been wanting to chat.&quot;
: '''Circe:''' &quot;Then deliver a message for him! &quot;
: (''Uses her ultrasonic bursts on Breach, who creates a portal behind her, knocking her out with her own sonic abilities)''
: '''Rex:''' &quot;Let her go, Breach!!&quot;
: '''Breach:''' &quot;Oh, sorry, Rex. She's gonna save my skin. V.K.'s tough on failure, remember?&quot;
: (''Teleports away with an unconscious Circe on her shoulder'')
: '''Rex:''' &quot;NO!!&quot;
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' &quot;Hold that thought. You can come out now. I got that creeped out feeling.&quot;
:'''Breach:''' &quot;Peek a boo.&quot;
: '''Skwydd:''' &quot;It's her!'' She took Circe.&quot;
: '''Rex:''' But not to Van Kleiss. You never went to Abysus, did you? You slipped her into your little pocket dimension. Let her go, Breach!
: '''Breach:''' And I agree to that...why?
: '''Rex:''' &quot;Because you wouldn't want Van Kleiss to see this. I'm thinking a trade is in order.&quot;
: (''Breach releases Circe, who is caught by Skwydd'')
: '''Circe:''' &quot;I hate you, Breach.&quot;

===A Family Holiday===
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' The pace of study has been staggeringly slow. There have been no significant advancements in nanite research since the original event. Simply put, Providence is not doing enough. What is required is not a military response, but a serious, thoughtful reaction, a scientific answer. The poor and afflicted deserve more. The world, deserves more. Let me introduce Diane. Mother of three. Diane has been diagnosed as incurable, a lost cause. Since then, she's been treated like an animal, locked away from her family... No hope on the horizon. Until now. At Moses Labs, we don't rely on tanks, guns, or secret weapons-- Only an unwavering belief that whatever science breaks, science can fix. Welcome back, Diane.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Happy birthday, little sister.
:'''Rex:''' Hope that I paid the bills. This is going to be expensive.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Caesar:''' Release the hounds.
:''[a door opens revealing some Evo hounds]''
:'''Rex:''' Huh? Whoa!
:'''Bobo Haha:''' Heh! I thought that was just a figure of speech. You're a sick puppy.
:'''Rex:''' Aah! Not cool, bro!
:''[Rex panting]''
:'''Rex:''' ''[Spanish accent]'' Agua, por favor.
:'''Caesar:''' Water second, probes first.
:'''Rex:''' No offense, but being a guinea pig is a lot less fun when it's you instead of Holiday.
:'''Caesar:''' Don't I run the biometric tests with the same efficiency?
:'''Rex:''' How are we related? Have you looked at Holiday?
:'''Bobo Haha:''' She ain't my species and even I know she's a hottie.
:'''Caesar:''' She is... very smart.
:'''Rex:''' Where is the Doc anyway? She usually can't wait to get her hands on me.
:'''Bobo Haha:''' Saw her this morning, looking pretty grim.
:'''Agent Six:''' It's her sister. Her sister's birthday to be precise. Holiday gets introspective this time of year.
:'''Caesar:''' Her sister? Oh, is she smart too?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Hey guys. Can't talk. Hangar!
:'''Bobo Haha:''' Ah, human dames. I don't know how you guys keep up.
:''[Dr. Holiday pants]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Thank you for coming, Dr. Moses. It's a genuine honor.
:'''Rex:''' Who the heck is that guy? Why is Holiday acting all fangirl around him?
:'''Caesar:''' It's Dr. Brandon Moses, the leading researcher in technogenic transmorphing! If anyone's going to develop a kill  for EVOs, it's going to be him!
:'''Bobo Haha:''' Now, that's actin' fan-girl.
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Not the worst I've seen.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Can you help her?
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Beverly would be an excellent candidate for my treatments. Have her transported to my facility.
:'''Rex:''' Hold up! I know you have a bunch of letters after your name, but curing EVOs is what I do. Some of them--
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Some you just can't handle, Rex. Dr. Moses' research goes to places you don't, so if you don't mind-- 10 minutes, then we'll be in the air. Thank you, doctor. I've earned 5 years' worth of personal time, Knight. I plan to use it all. 
:'''White Knight:''' I don't like it, but I like your sister even less. Go for your &quot;cure&quot;, Holiday. But if it doesn't work, don't bring her back.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Agent Six:''' What do you really know about Dr. Moses?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I know what I saw.
:'''Agent Six:''' You're not taking her to the doctor for a checkup. Has he handed you supporting data?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Why won't you let me have this? It's the first glimmer of hope I've had since Rex got here.
:'''Agent Six''': I think you've lost your objectivity. If you can't help her--
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' That's the point! I can't! I need this cure. If you won't help me, stay out of my way!
:'''Rex:''' Any chance she's right?
:'''Agent Six:''' Hope she is.
:'''Rex:''' But we're not going to sit around and do nothing in case she's wrong, right? Today you're my sidekick-- Not a fashion-challenged soccer mom blocking my mojo. If there's any chance of playing hero for Holiday, I call dibs.
:'''Security guard:''' Dr. Moses' inventions are not for public viewing-- Especially not by Providence.
:''[Security guard grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' That &quot;soccer mom&quot; comment really got to you, huh? When did science geeks start packing heat? Huh?
:'''Agent Six:''' Check the machine.
:'''Rex:''' I'm no engineer, but as far as I can tell, all this thing does is light up and go &quot;ping&quot;. They never cured it! This was a scam!
:'''Agent Six:''' Holiday's in trouble. Holiday, Moses is a fraud. There is no cure!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' What's going on here? Moses, what is this?
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Business, Dr. Holiday-- Big business. Now, if you wouldn't mind stepping aside so I can collect your sister--
:'''Agent Six:''' Holiday?! What's happening?!
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Or don't step aside. I'm good either way.
:'''Agent Six:''' Holiday! We've got our coordinates. Go!
:'''Rex:''' It's a hundred miles away!
:'''Agent Six:''' Correct.
:'''Rex:''' Hold on to your swords, old man!
:''[Dr. Holiday grunts]:''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I trusted you!
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' A bad trait, a scientist. But look on the bright side-- You won't be locked in a cell anymore. That was just... Shameful.
:'''Rex:''' Be the hero. Be the hero. Be the--
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' ...Zero. You'll be a lot less grouchy in a few seconds, pal. Half cured? That's new.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' They've got Beverly.
:'''Rex:''' You wanna talk to her?
:'''Agent Six:''' Now's not the time.
:'''Rex:''' And when exactly is. She needs a friend, Six.
:'''Agent Six:''' I... prefer to keep it professional. Keeps people from getting hurt.
:'''Rex:''' Dude. Take off the sunglasses. She's already hurting. If I were you--
:''[Six gets a radio signal]''
:'''Agent Six:''' If you were me, you'd have a lead. Get Holiday. Dust off in 3.
:'''Rex:''' Where are we going?
:'''Agent Six:''' Moses may be a genius but not because he can cure EVOs. He overpowers them-- Hypercharges the nanites with excess energy to push their transformations.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' That's why Rex only partially cured that EVO he stripped the EVO of its extra power. But at its core, it was still incurable.
:'''Rex:''' We learned something new today. Great.
:'''Agent Six:''' Gets worse. Moses has turned his tech into a cottage industry. He takes incurables and weaponizes them to sell to the highest bidder.
:'''Rex:''' Don't sugarcoat it, Six.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' How did you find this out?
:'''Agent Six:''' I called some former associates-- People who know things, things that good people shouldn't know about.
:'''White Knight:''' Question-- Why is my keep on an unapproved mission?
:'''Rex:''' It's cool, Knight. We're helping Holiday.
:'''White Knight:''' No! We had a deal! Return to base immediately!
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It's over guys. I can't drag you down because of my mistake. I won't.
:'''Agent Six:''' Keep returning to base.
:''[Knight ends the transmission]''
:'''Agent Six:''' I said the keep is returning to base. I didn't say we'd be on the keep.
:'''Rex:''' You okay?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Hanging in there.
:'''Rex:''' Hanging in there is good. I don't like to see you unhappy, you know. I-I mean--
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I know what you mean. Thanks.
:'''Agent Six:''' Better luck next time.
:''[Rex gasps]''
:'''Rex:''' Jealous much, sidekick?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Who is that?
:'''Rex:''' Someone who knows things good people shouldn't.
:'''Five:''' Machine boy! Like the new ax? You owe me for the last one.
:'''Agent Six:''' We'll talk music later, Five. You have word on Moses?
:'''Five:''' Five don't lie. Your guy is running an auction-- Tonight.
:'''Agent Six:''' I owe you.
:'''Five:''' She's a lot more beautiful than you let on, Six. Try not to screw it up this time.
:'''Agent Six:''' You coming?
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' The EVO is the military ordinance of the future. We all know it. You drop one of these babies into your neighbor's backyard, and it's game over. But to get the most annihilation out of your nanites... you need me.
:'''Human EVO:''' You promised to cure!
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' My technology not only amps up their abilities, but, for an extra charge, will modify their behavior to suit your needs. What am I bid for this army of one?
:'''Agent Six:''' ''[Bursting in]'' I'll open with extradition for crimes against humanity!
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' ''[to his bidders]'' Wait! This is just a minor disturbance.
:''[Moses groans]''
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' ''[to Holiday]'' Do you know what you just cost me, all for one hopless wreck?!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[Holiday hits Moses]'' Her name is Beverly.
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Then give sissy a hug.
:'''Dr Holiday:''' No! Don't hurt her, Rex!
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, sure. Handle with care. Whoa! Can you tell her that, too?
:'''Agent Six:''' Going nowhere?
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Uh, let's not be ''[chuckling]'' rash.
:''[Holiday slaps Moses]''
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' I'm gonna have to get you a dictionary. Rash will not help anyone, especially not Beverly.
:''[Holiday grabs Moses]''
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Who can still be cured.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[Holiday drops Moses]'' What?
:'''Agent Six:''' ''[Brandishing his swords]'' No games. Truth or dead.
:'''Rex:''' Fight still going! Need assistance! Big time! Whoa!
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' I did invent a machine that de-powered nanites, almost. But the bonds and nanite particles were too strong to break. Instead, I discovered that I could reverse the polarity to its maximum, overpowering the nanites. It's easier and-- Profitable.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' But you did isolate the bonds? So, you can break them!
:'''Agent Six:''' Holiday!
:'''Rex:''' Whoa! Ugh! Unh! Okay, I called hero, but I need some extra kick for my sidekick! Unh! Seriously!
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Time to earn a return on my investments! Kill them all!
:'''Rex:''' Whoa! Whoa! 
:'''White Knight:''' I won't even bother telling you the trouble you're in. Catch those other EVOs and report to my office the moment you're back.
:'''Rex:''' What other EVO-O-O-O-Os?
:''[Rex turns around and notices the EVOs behind him]''
:'''Rex:''' Ooos?
:'''Rex:''' Think they got it?
:'''Agent Six:''' They'd better. We're busy.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Unh! Okay. That's the flux transponder. That's the nanite energizer. Don't you explode on me-- Not now. Aah!
:'''Rex:''' I'll hand the one crazed sister. You take the other. It'll be like a double date. Don't bother... your sister... while she's working!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I can see what he did, but... uh... there's no time! I can't-- I can't help her! It's over.
:'''Agent Six:''' Holiday-- Rebecca-- You are the strongest, smartest woman I have ever met, and the most stubborn.
:''[Six removes his glasses and looks her in the eyes]''
:'''Agent Six:''' You never give up. If there's a way to help your sister, find it-- now!
:''[Slight pause. Holiday smiles and puts Six's glasses back on his face then leaves]''
:'''Agent Six:''' That's my girl. New plan. Corral her to the machine.
:'''Rex:''' Plans are good! Yah! What you got, Doc?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Moses was right. The polarity of the nanite energizer is wrong! I have to amplify and reverse it. But I don't have-- Six... Your magna blades-- But it would be too dangerous. Six!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Six!
:'''Agent Six:''' Is it working?
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It's working.
:'''Rex:''' Six, get out of there!
:'''Agent Six:''' You called hero on this one, Rex! Finish it-- For her! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Unh! Get them out, Rex-- Both of them-- Now!
:''[Dr. Holiday gasps]''
:'''Rex:''' Doc! You gotta see this!
:''[Dr. Holiday panting]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[as she's trying to revive Six]'' Don't you do this to me! I will hate you forever if you--
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:''[Six coughs]''
:'''Beverly:''' Rebecca?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Beverly!
:'''Rex:''' That was... I'm... Wow! Six, I've never said it before and I'll probably never say it again, but... I'm honored to be your partner.
:'''Bobo Haha:''' Mushy stuff? Oh! Glad I missed it.
:'''Rex:''' But don't ever do anything like that again.
:'''Agent Six:''' Agreed. But you have to admit though... It was worth it.
:''[Dr. Holiday and Beverly laughs]''
:'''White Knight:''' We're not running a boarding house here. No more relatives.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I just need her for a few more tests, sir. She was only 13 when she went Evo, and she's in a fragile state.
:'''Beverly:''' Woo Hoo!
:''[Beverly laughing]''
:'''Beverly:''' Rex just took me on a ride through the Zoo on his cycle.
:'''White Knight:''' &quot;Fragile.&quot; Right.
:'''Rex:''' We're going to the mall.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Are you asking permission?
:'''Rex:''' No. I'm asking if we can have some money. Providence pays me nada.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Can I have a word with you?
:'''Agent Six:''' Sure this is a good idea? Could ruin your hero status with Holiday.
:'''Rex:''' It's funny. After meeting Bev, out of nowhere, it hit me that Doc Holiday is just a little too old for me. So, since I'm out of the way, I guess there's nothing stopping you anymore, huh, &quot;hero&quot;?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Well... right. I guess... I'll set up those tests.
:''[Holiday starts to walk past Six. Six takes a hold of her hand]''
:'''Agent Six:''' Or... we could get some dinner.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Outside? In the real world? Like real people? Like a--
:'''Agent Six:''' Yes. Like a date.
:''[Dr. Holiday gasps]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It's about time.

===Hong Kong Nights===

===Whispers in the Dark===
===Cutting It Close===

===Exposed===
:'''White Knight''': All Providence personnel, this is a priority-one alert.
:'''Agent Six''': Do not panic. Remember your training.
:'''White Knight''': In all my years of working at Providence, never have I been put in such a situation. These interlopes could be anywhere at any given moment.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Hey, what's all the-- Whoa! Sorry. We're late.
:'''Bobo Haha''': You can't prove a thing!
:'''White Knight''': Watch what you say. Watch what you do. The very future of Providence may depend upon it.
:'''Rex Salazar''': So, what's going on? Van Kleiss attack in the HQ again?
:'''Agent Six''': Worse.
:'''Diane Farrah:''' I'm Diane Farrah, and for the first time ever, we've got an exclusive all-access pass inside the top-secret organization known as Providence. To uncover for our viewers, all the juiciest behind-the-scenes details of this most secret of institutions. And to find out the real story behind that man of mystery you've all wondered about for so long.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Aah.
:'''Diane Farrah''': All your questions are about to be answered. Welcome to Providence Exposed! ''[Camera closes-up on her face]'' On Ultimate Exposure! And cut. Great into, guys. Okay, moving on.
:'''Rex Salazar''': This is cool.
:'''Agent Six''': This is wrong.
:'''Rex Salazar''': How's my hair?
:'''Bobo Haha''': Delicious.
:'''White Knight''': Ladies and gentlemen, the delightful Miss Farrah and her crew have used the Freedom of Information Act to force.
:''[White Knight clears his throat]''
:'''White Knight''': To allow them access to a day in the life of Providence. And to ensure you are afforded the very best Providence has to offer, I'm assigning our top man as your personal guide.
:''[Rex moves towards the news team]''
:'''White Knight''': Six, please show Miss Farrah whatever she wants to see.
:'''Agent Six''': Agent Six is the name. On behalf of Providence, I'd like to welcome you to our facility.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Spare me the small talk. I'm here to ask the tough questions, and I expect truthful answers.
:'''Agent Six''': Shoot.
:'''Diane Farrah''': So.. is there a Mrs. Six?
:''[Combs her hair]''
:'''Bobo Haha''': Smooth.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Like you'd have done better.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Are you kidding? They want exposed. I'm going to give that reporter a piece of my mind and a few other pieces while I'm at it. I got stories that'll make them run screaming for the hills.
:''[Bobo Haha laughs]''
:'''Agent Six''': If you'll follow me, I'll be happy to show you one of our nanite research labs up close and personal. EVO control is our primary area of concentration, but Providence is focused on a great many studies. Each employing the best and the brightest our planet has to offer.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Thanks, Six. You know, this is my brother's lab. He's only like the smartest guy in the entire world. Yeah, being the best at what we do totally runs in our family.
:'''Caesar Salazar''': Not a good time.
:'''Agent Six''': That experiment is highly sensitive.
:'''Diane Farrah''': So, Agent Six, how did you become a Providence agent?
:'''Agent Six''': That's also highly sensitive.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Amazing story though about how I became a Providence agent. See, there was this big accident.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Good morning. My name is Dr. Rebecca Holiday, And I'm the chief research officer for the Providence Laboratory Facilities - specializing in the study of evology. Providence's number one priority is the security of our planet. And through the studying and understanding the forces that threaten us--
:'''Diane Farrah''': Let's cut to the chase, shall we, doctor?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Oh, um, okay.
:'''Diane Farrah''': How do you balance the threat of EVOs, the constant danger... with being a woman?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Uh.
:''[Dr. Holiday laughs nervously]''
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Oh, excuse me.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Speaking of studying, check this out. You can edit that, right?
:'''Diane Farrah''': We're all about the editing.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, maybe you could show these journalists some of your other duties, like what you're supposed to be doing right now, for instance.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Oh, man. That's right. Come on. You're going to love this.
:'''Diane Farrah''': EVOs come from far and wide for a chance to be cured by this young man. How often do you do this?
:'''Rex Salazar''': At least once a week here at HQ. When I'm in other parts of the county or the world, Providence sets up a mobile cure station. There are a lot of people out there who need my help. I only wish I could get to them all. Wait. Um, let my try again. ''[after Rex can't cure an EVO]'' Shut it off.
:'''Diane Farrah''': But this is really good drama, Rex.
:'''Rex Salazar''': I asked to be on TV. They didn't. Please give these people their privacy.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Come on, buddy. Everybody has an off day.
:'''Rex Salazar''': In front of millions of viewers? So much for everyone's favorite Providence man of mystery.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Well, they're just lucky they haven't had the camera on me yet. Oh man, talk about Ultimate Exposure. When I get through with them--
:'''Rex Salazar''': I just wish I could look cool on camera somehow.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Phbt! Good luck. The only way that's going to happen now is if some experimental EVOs busted out of their cages and went on a rampage so you could round them up and look like a hero.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Providence isn't known for being forthcoming with information. I hope this interview will change that. The people want answers and I fully expect them from you.
:'''White Knight''': Very well. What do you want to know?
:'''Diane Farrah''': For starters, how do you get fresh milk without any nanites in it?
:'''White Knight''': If you must know, it's passed through a powerful magnet that removes and neutralizes any nanite activity.
:'''Agent Six''': Observe.
:''[White Knight smacks lips]''
:'''White Knight''': Anything else?
:'''Diane Farrah''': Not at the moment, but I'll be back.
:'''White Knight''': I look forward to it.
:''[White Knight sips]''
:'''Diane Farrah''': So, Agent Six, what do you think about White Knight's obsession with staying nanite-free at the expense of human contact?
:'''Agent Six''': He's a man of many mysteries.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Look out! Coming through! Dangerous escaped EVOs on the loose! Stand back! Let a professional handle this!
:'''Diane Farrah''': Follow him.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Yeah, I'm kind of awesome.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Did you get them all?
:'''Rex Salazar''': How many did you release?
:'''Bobo Haha''': I don't know, three or four.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Well, which was it? Three or four?
:''[Rex Salazar gasps]''
:'''Agent Six''': Well then. Now that Rex's little demonstration is over, how about a visit to the Providence gift shop? On me.
:'''Diane Farrah''': How long has Providence had a gift shop?
:'''Agent Six''': Since 8:00 A.M. You want to tell me how a class by EVO got out of its electromagnetically-sealed container and just happened to cross paths with our tour?
:'''Rex Salazar''': It's not like this kind of thing doesn't happen here all the time. I just wanted it to happen this time, in front of the camera, all right?
:'''Agent Six''': Not all right. That last EVO-- You just helped it molt so it could grow. Its body is still out there somewhere, getting bigger.
:'''White Knight''': Providence is run like a finely tuned machine. Until you decide to throw a monkey wrench into the works.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Hey, pal, let's leave the comedy to me.
:'''White Knight''': And how is it exactly that these EVOs got out?
:'''Bobo Haha''': Okay, Mea Culpa. I may have accidentally knocked open a cage or two-- Or four.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': That fourth cage was electromagnetically sealed.
:'''Bobo Haha''': I didn't say it was easy.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': The EVO we had contained in there feeds on electricity. It must be kept away from any electrical current.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Then it sure is a good thing this whole place isn't full of electricity. Oh, wait.
:'''White Knight''': Find it. Subdue it. And most importantly, don't let that camera crew see it.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Eh, were wastin' time hunting this thing down when I could be on camera right now, giving those people a piece of my mind.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Hey, I only saw the EVOs empty husk before. What's the real thing look like anyway? Huh?
:'''Bobo Haha''': That.
:''[Rex Salazar grunts]''
:''[Rex Salazar grunting]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Any suggestions?
:'''Bobo Haha''': Can you make a soccer net?
:''[Rex Salazar and Bobo Haha grunts]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Aha! Got you cornered now. There's no way out. You're overpowered.
:'''Bobo Haha''': You were saying?
:'''Agent Six''': You wanted to interview me. Now's your chance. Go.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Um... okay. Tell me, Six-- May I call you Six?-- What is the real truth behind the nanite event that created the EVOs?
:'''Agent Six''': That's classified.
:'''Diane Farrah''': What is your role, if any, in that event?
:'''Agent Six''': That's classified, too.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Are you always this talkative?
:'''Agent Six''': No comment.
:''[Rex Salazar grunts]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Wait. Let me do that again. You didn't get my good side. Which is my good side?
:'''Bobo Haha''': Your backside.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Agent Six, you promised you were taking us to the heart of the operation.
:'''Agent Six''': Right. The heart of the operation. This way.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': [Watching from a monitor] It went right.
:''[Rex goes to his right. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Camera right!
:''[Rex goes to the camera's right]''
:'''Dr. Holiday''': How can you miss it now? It's six feet in diameter and weighs five hundred pounds!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Less criticizing, more helping!
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Try to steer it in the direction of Hallway twelve. We can isolate it in the atrium.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Oh, we've got it contained there now.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': No, sorry. I was reading that backwards. Hallway twenty one.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, Hallway twenty one leads to the central core!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Okay, so, no big deal. That's a cold-fission reactor, not electric, right?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, all electricity is converted from something-- Wind, solar, hydro-- At the central core!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Ohh.
:''[Providence Agent screams]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Uh-hoh.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, listen carefully and do exactly as I say because we're only going to get one shot at this.
:'''Diane Farrah''': One shot at what, doctor?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': The... future. Providence is the future. The future used to be the space program. Now the future is Providence and the science of EVOs.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Doc? Are you still there? We have a situation.
:'''Agent Six''': Just a minor downgrade of power during a routine relay check. Nothing to worry about.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Guys, I could really use some advice right about now!
:''[Rex Salazar grunts]''
:'''White Knight''': Attention all Providence Personnel, we have a Level-One Priority...
:''[Realizes the reporters are present]''
:'''White Knight''': Drill. Repeat-- This is our daily drill in the Central Core-- Now.
:'''Agent Six''': Lunch bell. It's taco day. Anyone hungry?
:'''Diane Farrah''': Agent Six, while we appreciate the commemorative spoons and the tacos, I can't help but think that you've been hiding something from our viewers.
:'''Agent Six''': Not at all, ma'am. Providence is an open book.
:''[Rex Salazar screams]''
:'''Diane Farrah''': Cut! You're ruining the shot, Rex. Just be patient. I will get to you-- I promise.
:''[Rex Salazar groans]''
:'''Agent Six''': Get down.
:''[Diane Farrah gasps]''
:'''Diane Farrah''': That was... what you did.
:'''Agent Six''': Just doing my job, ma'am.
:'''Rex Salazar''': And I'm just doing mine!
:''[Rex Salazar grunts]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': You're not going anywhere now, buddy, except back to your-- Cage?
:'''White Knight''': We hope that you and the Ultimate Exposure team are enjoying our EVO containment demonstration, Miss Farrah. All part of readiness training here at Providence.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Can I quote you on that?
:'''White Knight''': Miss Farah, I'm not gonna stop you from filming, but for your own safety and the safety of your crew, please step back and let my people do what they do best. Alpha Team, I need a containment of the cafeteria, cube formation. Fire! Rex.
:'''Rex Salazar''': I'm on it.
:'''Agent Six''': Stay here. This is the real deal.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Not on your life. Find an elevator. We're missing it.
:'''Caesar Salazar''': Still not a good ti-i-i-i-i-me!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Okay, big boy. No more crawl spaces. No more Hallways. Just you and me in a big, old hangar bay mano y mano.
:''[Rex Salazar grunts]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Huh?
:'''Bobo Haha''': ''[after Rex has been repeatedly beaten back by the Evo]'' Looks like you showed him.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Are you going to talk, or are you going to help?
:'''Bobo Haha''': Talk. Kidding! I'm helping! I'm helping!
:''[Rex Salazar grunts]''
:''[Rex Salazar groaning]''
:''[Rex Salazar groaning]''
:''[Rex Salazar sighs]''
:''[Rex Salazar groaning]''
:'''Diane Farrah''': Please tell me you're getting all of this.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Providence's man of mystery strikes again. Ow! It-- it bit me!
:'''Diane Farrah''': Quick, grab some B-roll footage before they get rid of all the evidence.
:'''Rex Salazar''': You did see that I did all the heavy lifting and Six just took out the trash, right?
:'''Diane Farah''': Don't worry. The camera never lies.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Yes!
:'''Bobo Haha''': Good! Then get a load of this!
:'''Diane Farah''': Do you have something to say?
:''[Camera zooms in on Bobo]''
:'''Bobo Haha''': Oh... oh.
:''[Bobo mutters then passes out]''
:'''Diane Farrah''': I think we have everything we need.
:'''Rex Salazar''': I don't know how you guys came off looking, but yours truly rocked hard. Just call me Providence's Man of Mystery from now on. Oh, yeah! Stardom starts in five, four, three, two--
:'''Diane Farrah''': I'm Diane Farrah, and for the first time ever, we've got an exclusive all-access pass inside the top-secret organization known as Providence. To uncover for our viewers, all the juiciest behind-the-scenes details of this most secret of institutions.
:'''Rex Salazar''': We are so dead.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Nice knowing you, kid.
:'''Diane Farrah''': To find out the real story behind that man of mystery you've all wondered about for so long.
:'''Agent Six''': Agent Six is the name.
:'''Rex Salazar''': They did it.
:'''Bobo Haha''': They did.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': This is a news show? What is the world coming to?
:'''Diane Farrah''': Look out, ladies. Agent Six is the full package -- brains, brawn, and--
:'''Agent Six''': Highly sensitive.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Just what is he hiding behind those alluring, dark glasses of his?
:'''Agent Six''': That's classified.
:'''Diane Farrah''': He's the Providence agent you women wanted to get to know.
:'''Agent Six''': Up close and personal.
:'''Diane Farrah''': That's right, girls.
:'''Agent Six''': He's The real deal.
:'''Diane Farrah''': And he's known throughout Providence as--
:'''Agent Six''': The heart of the operation.
:'''Diane Farrah''': He's the organization's best-kept secret, the ultimate agent, and--
:'''Agent Six''': The man of many mysteries.
:'''Diane Farrah''': And, yes, ladies, he is single -- or is he?
:''[Dr. Holiday laughs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Excuse me.
:'''Agent Six''': No comment.
:''[Rex and Bobo Haha laughs]''
:'''White Knight''': Well, that's a relief.
:'''Rex Salazar''': ''[after the story airs]'' So, man of mystery, what's it like being a big star adored by women everywhere?
:'''Agent Six''': No comment.

===Touch and Go===
===The Siren's Lament===
* Flashbacks as to how Circe came to work for Van Kleiss.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;

===Grounded===
===Six Minus Six===
===In Dreams===

===Lions and Lambs===
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:''[Providence agents are standing in an industrial area, fingers on triggers. Rex flies in on jet pack and lands beside all the agents.]''
:'''Rex:''' Any sign? ''[Rex notices agents shaking in fear.]'' Alright then, who’s up for a burger, anyone? Tough crowd.
:''[Six walks up.]''
:'''Six:'''	These agents seem nervous. Haven’t they dealt with this situation before?
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, that's kind of the problem.
:''[Rex twitches, as if he is feeling Breach's presence.]''
:'''Providence Agent:''' Here she comes.
:''[Breach appears in front of them. They fire at her. She sends their missiles and agents away with red portals.]''
:'''Six:'''	How do we stop her?
:'''Rex:'''	''[Smack Hands.]'' Hit hard and keep clear of anything that glows.
:''[Breach has a collar around her neck like the one Van Kleiss wears, and a device on her chest like his only much larger and shackles are around her giant hands which look like Van Kleiss's bio-mechanical wrist. She opens a red portal. A giant jellyfish-like thing flies out at Six, then a large creature with a horn on its nose runs out. Rex jumps at Breach, she portals out, returns and the device on her chest starts sparking.]''
:'''Rex:'''	What's with the new toy, Breach?
:'''Breach:'''	''[Glares]'' Wouldn’t you like to know?
:''[T-Rex appears through a gold colored portal, sniffs Rex.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Seriously, where do you find these things? Let's see what you started out as, big guy. ''[Tries to cure.] Six? This... this isn't an EVO!'' It's an actual T-Rex! ...Six?
:''[Rex runs from T-Rex.]''
:'''Breach:'''	Have fun. ''[Leaves through red portal.]''
:''[Rex hides behind light pole, T-Rex pulls pole from ground, Rex falls to the ground.]''
:'''Six:'''	I take it this sort of thing doesn't happen all the time?
:'''Rex:''' Try never? This is all kinds of wrong.
:''[Rex makes BFS, runs at T-Rex; Six runs at T-Rex, jumps on and stabs it in back.]''
:'''Holiday:'''	Is that what I think it is?
:'''Six:''' You mean about to be extinct?
:'''Holiday:''' If you destroy the scientific find of a lifetime, it won’t be the only thing.
:'''Rex:'''	It's trying to eat us.
:'''Six:'''	You heard the lady. Take it down soft.
:'''Rex:'''	Easy for you to say.
:''[Rex lies on the ground holding the jaws open with Smack Hands and it slobbers on him.]''
:''[Scene change.]''
:''[Video of T-Rex in confinement field. The T-Rex turns to dust.]''
:'''White Knight:''' Breach is powerful enough as it is, and now you're telling me she can travel through time?
:'''Holiday:'''	However she's doing it, I haven't worked out all the kinks yet. That dinosaur reverted to its actual age about less than two hours after arrival.
:'''Caesar:'''	Photo and deep scan analysis reveals some very interesting technology at work here. Van Kleiss has really stepped up his game.
:'''White Knight:''' Skip the fan talk. How do we stop it?
:'''Caesar:'''	Until I get my hands on the device, I'm not certain we can.
:'''White Knight:''' We have to bring her to our side.
:'''Rex:'''	The only way she's coming here is if she does it willingly.
:'''White Knight:''' How do you propose we persuade her?
:'''Rex:'''	With me. ''[Six and Holiday stare at him skeptically.]'' I can be very convincing. Okay, okay. I think she might still have a thing for me.
:'''Bobo:''' Atta boy, work it on the crazy chick.
:'''White Knight:''' I don't care how we do it as long as we get results. Providence is under the microscope. It is the worst time for Van Kleiss to gain the upper hand. Get to it. Bring her in.
:''[Six and Holiday walking out of the room together down the hall.]''
:'''Six:''' ''[To Holiday.]'' I need a word. Something's wrong with White.
:'''Holiday:'''	Oh. That. He’s always like this, Six.
:'''Six:'''	No. This is different. I know when something is bothering him. The secret meetings, the anxiety. He’s up to something.
:'''Holiday:'''	I'll see what I can find out.
:''[Scene change.]''
:''[Rex on hoverboard, in Providence stealth suit.]''
:'''Rex:'''	WHOO-HOO! Works pretty good. After all, I built it. ''[Loses control of board for a moment.]''
:''[Scene change.]''
:''[Van Kleiss's castle, Rex hiding by entrance.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Going in. ''[Pulls up stealth mask, disappears partly, runs past guard.]''
:''[Scene change.]''
:''[Breach is hooked up to a large machine. Van Kleiss stands before her with a huge bank of controls and displays, spooky dark lighting. She screams.]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' This is unacceptable, Breach. I need you to concentrate.
:'''Breach:''' It hurts.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Think of what I'm trying to achieve here. I cannot fail.
:''[Breach screams in agony and collapses.]''
:''[Rex looks down horrified, Van Kleiss grins, Breach screams and falls down.]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I'll return when it recharges and we'll start again.
:''[Rex holds his hand out to her.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Why do you let him do this to you?
:'''Breach:''' Glory.
:'''Rex:'''	Van Kleiss's glory. Is he even noticing how you're tearing yourself apart for him? Have you ever heard him say thank you? What do you say we blow this joint, you and me? He's hurting you.
:'''Breach:'''	It's not real. It can't hurt you if it isn't real.
:'''Rex:'''	Breach, look at me. It is. I'm real, all of this is real. You don't have to live this way.
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	Why am I not surprised. Rex has come to rescue another of my lost sheep. Perhaps he'll try to save you next, Biowulf.
:'''Rex:'''	That depends. Is he housebroken yet?
:'''Biowulf:'''	I am no traitor.
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	You’ve no doubt seen our little experiment. Breach shows great promise. She just needs a little fine tuning.
:'''Rex:'''	Then what? Go back in time and be king of the cavemen?
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	Why not? It wouldn’t be much of a step down, now would it? Breach, if you would, remove our guest so we can continue. Practice makes perfect, or in your case, acceptable.
:''[Breach makes a red portal.]''
:'''Rex:''' Breach! Think about what you're doing.
:''[Van Kleiss grins, she runs and puts her arms around Rex, portals out with Rex.]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Find her. Now.
:''[Mountains, snow, Rex shivering.]''
:'''Rex:'''	I'm glad you got us out of there, but where... are we?
:'''Breach:'''	When the snow is gone you can see forever.
:'''Rex:''' That's nice. Can we go now?
:'''Breach:''' I need to know if I can trust you.
:'''Rex:'''	You can trust me. I swear.
:''[Breach grabs his hand and hugs him. He opens his eyes. They are standing on a shiny endless reflective surface, reflecting stars.]''
:'''Rex:'''	This is different.
:'''Breach:'''	Do you see it?
:'''Rex:'''	Um--
:'''Breach:'''	This is where the stillness comes from.
:'''Rex:'''	You. Are weird. So what exactly does this mean? Are you coming with me or is this some kind of test?
:'''Breach:'''	I need you to see it.
:'''Rex:'''	Ah... A test.
:'''Breach:'''	Do you wanna understand?
:'''Rex:'''	Not exactly sure. ''[She glares, he waves his hands in front of him.]'' Yes, I mean yes. I mean--
:'''Breach:''' Follow me. ''[Walks through red portal.]''
:''[Another place. A door, a doll, a bear and a fire hydrant float in space.]''
:''[Rex hanging upside down, she is holding him by his ankle above a swirling pink vortex.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Ahh! What happened? I thought we were getting along fine!
:'''Breach:'''	Why are you here?
:'''Rex:''' Good question. Where exactly is here? Can we go somewhere else now, somewhere like, on Earth?
:''[She drops him. He screams and lands on the floor between some stacks of books.]''
:'''Rex:''' You sure know how to pick'em. What kind of tripped out dimension is this? ''[Librarian walks by and shushes him.]'' Oh. College.
:'''White Knight:''' ''[On communicator in Rex's right ear.]'' Rex, report. Where on earth have you been?
:'''Rex:'''	Apparently every place but.
:'''White Knight:''' I need to know you can handle this otherwise we're going to try a different approach.
:'''Rex:'''	You need to chill out, White. I’m making progress. ''[Rex puts his hand to his left ear.]'' Dr. Holiday, are you there?
:'''Holiday:'''	Tracking shows you’re with Breach. Are you okay?
:'''Rex:'''	Fine? Creeped out but fine. I can't bring Breach back to Providence, White would just lock her up and that won't help.
:'''Holiday:'''	Where will you take her?
:'''Rex:'''	I'll think of something. Just keep White Knight off my case.
:''[Breach appears behind him.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Why don't you let me pick out where we go next?
:''[Scene change.]''
:''[White Knight hands folded moving nervously.]''
:'''White Knight:''' He says he's making progress.
:'''Black Knight:''' The committee is losing confidence. They want results, not excuses.
:'''White Knight:''' Then that's exactly what they’ll get.
:''[Scene change. Rex sits across from Breach in a booth at a bowling alley.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Soooo, don't like bowling, huh? I figured with the extra arms you'd be a natural.
:'''Breach:'''	I'm not supposed to like you, but I do.
:'''Rex:''' ''[smiles]'' We're teenagers. At least assuming you are. Doing what we are not supposed to is part of the job. French fry?
:''[She takes it and then drops it.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Do you remember anything? From before you... changed?
:'''Breach:'''	I remember everything. And nothing.
:'''Rex:''' Naturally. Why did I even bother to ask. Listen, Breach. I'm not going to pretend I understand you, ''[Puts his hand on her giant hand]'' but I can help. If you let me.
:''[The machine starts to glow, they jump to their feet, other people look startled.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Nothing to worry about. Everything's fine.
:'''Breach:'''	I can't, I can't stop it.
:'''Rex:'''	Let me try. ''[He tries and it knocks him onto the floor sparking.]''
:'''Breach:'''	Van Kleiss has control. They're coming.
:''[Van Kleiss busts through the door with The Pack following. Raises bio-mechanical hand, palm of it glows, device on Breach's chest turns off.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Okay, do your thing. Get us out of here. Anywhere.
:''[she tries]''
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	You can't take what doesn't belong to you.
:'''Rex:'''	I didn't take you for the jealous type. ''[Rex shoots bowling balls at Van Kleiss with his cannon, hits Biowulf and Skalamander in the face and Van Kleiss punches the balls aside with his bio-mechanical hand.]''
:'''Rex:''' Breach, let's go!
:''[Breach rides off with Rex on hoverboard, Van Kleiss and Pack follow on three flying fish EVO's with harnesses and big teeth. They dodge and crash Van Kleiss into a window, and land in a park.]''
:''[Breach and Rex stand together on a footbridge looking down into the water.]''
:'''Breach:''' ''[Walks to bridge and looks at her reflection, Rex follows.]'' Will they hurt me?
:'''Rex:'''	Providence? Not if I can help it.
:'''Breach:'''	They did before. Ms. Smarty Pants—she likes to hurt me.
:'''Rex:''' I'll give you my word, if you come back to Providence, I promise no one will hurt you.
:'''Breach:'''	We can be together forever and ever. ''[She walks off bridge, ducks swimming in water.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Uh... something like that. What am I getting myself into? We gotta move. I bet my brother has already figured out how to turn that thing of yours off.
:''[The ducks fly off, they look and see a reflection in the pond of White Knight's ship.]''
:''[White Knight walks up followed by Providence fighter planes.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Uh guys, what are you doing?!
:'''White Knight:''' If you can't have something done right, do it yourself.
:''[They shoot at Breach, she screams, Rex is horrified.]''
:'''Rex:''' No! No! No! ''[walks up bridge to White Knight]'' Do have any idea what you just did?
:''[Breach's chest device turns on, she screams, Providence shoots at her.]''
:'''Rex:''' Is this what you wanted? Congratulations! ''[runs to Breach]'' Breach! Wait!
:'''Breach:''' Liar! ''[Throws red portal at Rex, he dodges, second one hits him, he disappears. Providence keeps shooting, she throw portals, drops three soldiers in water.]''
:'''White Knight:''' Agent Six!
:''[He jumps at her, she portals him away to behind Knight. Rex jumps from the water onto the bridge by Knight.]''
:'''Rex:'''	You had no intention to bring her in, did you?
:'''White Knight:''' I wanted to believe you, Rex, but this is too important. She can't be controlled.
:'''Rex:''' Control... Her powers are back on. Van Kleiss.
:''[Van Kleiss arrives on flying fish EVO.]''
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	Settle down, Breach.
:''[Chest device turns off.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Let me do this. I can get through to her. Come on. It couldn't get any worse than you've already made it
:''[Knight and Six look at each other.]''
:'''White Knight:''' Form a perimeter around Breach. Van Kleiss isn't to touch her.
:''[A rock wall rises from the ground blocking Rex as he runs towards Breach. The Pack jumps down from wall to attack Rex, Six intervenes. Agents surround Breach, she tries and fails to make red portal. Screams. Van Kleiss flies in on fish, knocks down agents with bio-mechanical whip arm, shoots needles from fingers and knocks more down, fish knocks the rest down. White Knight shoots at Van Kleiss.]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' If you had any idea what I was trying to do you might even welcome it.
:'''White Knight:''' Enlighten me.
:''[Van Kleiss touches a tree and it turns into an EVO. EVO tree catches and holds White. Six and Biowulf fight, Rex and Skalamander fight.]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Enlighten you?
:''[Sticks his claws in White Knight, glowing White Knight screams.]'' All in good time, White Knight, assuming you have some left.
:''[Six throws a magnablade through Van Kleiss's bio-mechanical arm and he lets go of White.]''
:'''Six:'''	''[to White Knight]'' Go. I mean it. ''[White Knight flies off.]''
:'''Six:''' The name's Six.
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	We've met.
:'''Six:'''	Don't remember. ''[They fight.]''
:''[Breach on merry-go-round, turning slowly looking at the sky.
:'''Rex:'''	You're just using her.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Of course I am. She knows it. Spare me the chivalry, Rex. Providence would do the same.
:'''Rex:'''	Either way you slice it, she loses!
:'''Breach:''' ''[to herself]'' My two favorites. You both lie. Neither is real.
:'''Rex:''' ''[goes to her]'' Breach, I'm sorry. I meant what I said.
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	Words mean nothing.
:'''Rex:''' Then let this do the talking. ''[Turns on her machine, puts it into her power.]''
:''[Van Kleiss laughs evilly]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' You just handed her a loaded gun.
:'''Rex:'''	And now it's her choice how to use it.
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	Oh if only I had the chance to get through to you, Rex, to teach you how the world really works.
:''[Breach steps in front of Van Kleiss, raises her arms as if to send Rex away. Makes huge yellow portal above them.]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Our very first time traveler. You should be honored. Now Breach, if you wouldn't mind.
:''[Van Kleiss laughs evilly]''
:''[Rex closes his eyes. Breach sends Van Kleiss away with yellow portal.]''
:'''Rex:''' That was... unexpected.
:''[Rex tries to turn machine off but fails.]''
:'''Rex:'''	It won't turn off. I'm sorry. I, I didn't know.
:'''Breach:'''	Van Kleiss made it like this so I wouldn't send him away.
:'''Rex:'''	That didn't work out so well did it? Six, get everyone out of here now! ''[A big yellow dome forms around the playground where Rex and Breach stand.]''
:'''Rex:'''	So, what's going to happen?
:''[Rex and Breach are about to be engulfed by Breach's out of control time portal]''
:'''Breach''': ''[she looks up]'' I don't know if any of this was real. But it was nice having a friend for a while. ''[Rex smiles, Breach hugs him as they dispensary in the golden time portal]''
:'''Rex:''' I didn't get blown up. ''[Sees a lizard.]'' Whoa! ''[Jumps away, startled.]'' Oh no, please don't let this be dino time. ''[Touches earpiece in left ear.]'' Rex to Providence, do you copy? :''[Takes earpiece out and looks at it.]'' Oh... Rex to Providence, you better be there.
:'''Providence Agent:''' Uh... we copy, Rex. We have a lock on your coordinates and are sending a jump jet.
:'''Rex:'''	Is Six okay? Breach went supernova.
:'''Providence Agent:''' Someone's on the way, just hold tight. Providence out.
:''[Scene change, Rex lying on the ground.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Took you long enough.
:''[Turns over and sees Providence agents, pointing guns at him.]''
:'''Providence Agent:''' Rex is onboard. Heading back to HQ.
:'''Rex:'''	HQ? Ten minutes ago I was in the middle of an epic battle. You need to take me back!
:'''Providence Agent:''' Um, that battle is over.
:'''Rex:''' What happened? Is Six okay? Guys...what's going on?
:''[They arrive at HQ.]''
:'''Caesar:'''	Baby brother, you're okay! ''[Runs and hugs him.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Breach just sent me to nowheresville. Nothing to freak out over.
:'''Caesar:'''	''[To Providence agent.]'' You didn't tell him?
:'''Providence Agent:''' Our orders were just to bring him back.
:'''Rex:'''	Tell me what? Hey, when did you... have a beard?
:'''Caesar:''' There's no easy way to tell you this, hermano. Breach didn't just send you to the middle of nowhere. You've been gone for six months.
:'''Rex:'''	Six months?! So this is--
:'''Caesar:''' Technically, the future. I should warn you, there've been a few changes.
:'''Rex:'''	You didn't give away my room, did you?
:'''Caesar:''' As a matter of fact, they did.
:'''Rex:''' What?! Caesar, tell me what's going on here.
:'''Caesar:'''	It would be better if I showed you.
:'''Rex:'''	White Knight taking visitors now?
:'''Caesar:'''	I'll wait out here.
:''[Rex sees Providence agents dressed in black.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Nice suits.
:''[Goes into the office.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Ah... Love what you've done with the place. White?
:''[Person in chair turns around, it's a woman, not White Knight.]''
:'''Black Knight:''' Thank you, Rex. ''[She gets up and walks towards him.]'' It was a little bright for my taste. White Knight is no longer associated with this organization.
:'''Rex:''' He quit?
:'''Black Knight:''' He...attempted a hostile takeover and failed. Can I get you anything? Water? A snack?
:'''Rex:''' I don't want a snack! Where's Six? Where's Holiday!?
:'''Black Knight:''' This must upsetting to you. Change is never easy but from I understand, you've been in situations like this before. Everything's going to be fine.
:'''Rex:''' Who are you?!
:'''Black Knight:''' Someone very happy to have you back. Call me Black Knight.

==Season Three (2011-2013)==
===Back in Black===
: '''Rex''': Okay, I get what's going on here.
: '''Black Knight''': I'm relieved to hear that, Rex.
: '''Rex''': You can come out! I know you're there!
: '''Black Knight''': Rex?
: '''Rex''': We're friends, now, remember? Breach?
: '''Black Knight''': Breach isn't here, Rex. The world's changed. As soon you accept th--
: '''Rex''': No, I'm not ignoring you. It's just that you're not real.
: '''Black Knight''': I assure you I'm very real-- as is all of this.
: '''Rex''': ''[chuckling]'' Oh, come on. It's been a fun time in the ol' Breachscape, but, you know, time to go home now.
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Rex''': Seen this before. Usually ends with a black hole.
: '''Black Knight''': Rex, you're disoriented. Let me--
: '''Rex''': Sorry, non-lady. No time. Got an exit to find! Shall we aprehend?
: '''Black Knight''': It won't be necessary.
: '''Caesar''': Rex! Have you lost it?
: '''Rex''': Caesar! We're in a pocket dimension! It could collapse at any second!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Caesar''': That's crazy, Rex. This is not a pocket dimension.
: '''Rex''': You're right! It's a whole alternate universe! And-- and-- and you're my Brother's evil twin! Out of the way! Six! Six! Doc!
: ''[Rex panting]''
: '''Rex''': Dr. Holiday! Doc!
: ''[Rex sighs]''
: '''Rex''': Wha-- Well, at least some things haven't changed. Whoa! Whoa! Okay, now I-- Bleh-- know I'm in an-- Aah!-- alternate universe. Unh! You can go ahead and -- Blech!-- Eat me now, please.
: '''Black Knight''': Release.
: '''Rex''': You were... saying something about changes?
: '''Black Knight''': There have been a few.
: '''Caesar''': You've got temporal lag, Rex. It's kind of like altitude sickness, only in time. Here-- This will balance your electrolytes.
: ''[Rex sighs]''
: '''Rex''': So this is really-- 
: '''Black Knight''': Really. Welcome to the future, Rex-- Or, rather, to the present. Without your healing abilities, Providence has embraced a new paradigm. We've moved beyond the outmoded era of &quot;cure, contain, or kill.&quot;
: '''Rex''': And into the era of &quot;serious leash laws&quot;.
: '''Caesar''': We used the petting zoo as our test bed. What do you think?
: '''Rex''': I think it needs a new name, 'cause, you know, now it really is one.
: '''Caesar''': We've developed new techniques for working with EVOs. It's all about understanding them better.
: '''Rex''': So, you're some sort of &quot;EVO whisperer&quot;?
: '''Caesar''': ''[laughs]'' It's a bit more complicated than that. You sure you're okay? ''[sighs]'' It's good to have you back, brother.
: '''Black Knight''': Family ties. They transcend even time itself.
: '''Rex''': Caesar's not my only family.
: '''Black Knight''': I'll bring you up to speed on the others. When you went M.I.A., White Knight lost his biggest weapon in the war for EVO containment.
: '''Rex''': Figures that I have to vanish for him to appreciate me.
: '''Black Knight''': White became erratic-- some might say paranoid. Directorate lost faith in his ability to lead.
: '''Rex''': Directorate? I never knew white even had a boss.
: '''Black Knight''': There are, shall we say, layers. I was named as his replacement.
: '''Rex''': Let me guess-- he didn't take it well.
: '''Black Knight''': You could say that.
: '''Providence Agent''': White Knight! Sir! Stand down!
: '''White Knight''': I'd rather go down in flames than see Providence in the hands of the enemy.
: '''Providence Agent''': He's got a bomb! Fall back! All units fall ba--
: '''Rex''': Whoa! That was--
: '''Black Knight''': Your room.
: '''Rex''': Huh? Aww, man! But... Six... Holiday... where--
: '''Black Knight''': Where do you think? They're out looking for you. Agent Six and Holiday took indefinite leave. They've been off the grid ever since. I've attempted to contact them, but no response.
: '''Rex''': Mind if... I give them a ring? Not that I don't trust you.
: '''Black Knight''': But you don't trust me. Natural, given the circumstances. Be my guest. It won't take long, to locate them. Meanwhile, there are many familiar faces who will be glad to hear you're back. Which reminds me... This is everything we salvaged from your room.
: '''Rex''': Huh. Talk about starting over.
: '''Black Knight''': You could you know. There's still a place for you in the--
: '''Rex''': My room. I thought you said it was trashed.
: '''Black Knight''': Rex, wait.
: '''Rex''': What's the matter, Black? This where you're hiding all your evil secrets?
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Rex''': Um... Wow!
: '''Black Knight''': This entire wing was destroyed in the blast. I had the space... repurposed.
: '''Rex''': White wouldn't even splurge for private stalls.
: '''Black Knight''': As you see, I treat my finest people to the very finest things.
: '''Rex''': Sure. I'll take one of those, please.
: '''Black Knight''': It's yours-- and anything else you'd like.
: '''Rex''': As long as I do whatever you want-- That it?
: '''Black Knight''': On the contrary-- you're a seasoned agent. I have a few boundaries, but otherwise, handle matters as you see fit.
: '''Rex''': Say I refuse.
: '''Black Knight''': Then I turn you over to mel. ''[chuckling]'' I'm kidding. You're free to leave whenever you like. But I hope you'll stay. Now, more than ever, Providence needs a Rex. So, how do you feel? Like I haven't used one of those in Six months-- Which I haven't. You mind? Bobo?
: '''Bobo''': Rex! Heard you were back. So great to see you, buddy. Whoa. Just a sec, there, pal. Gotta love those certain towelettes.
: ''[Bobo whistling]''
: '''Bobo''': What? Never seen a monkey wash his hands before?
: '''Rex''': Not this one.
: ''[Bobo munching]''
: '''Rex''': You wanna tell me what's gotten into you or what?
: '''Bobo''': What are you talking abou-- Unh! Hey!
: '''Rex''': Sorry. For a minute, I thought you were...
: '''Bobo''': Robo Bobo? Wanna check for a tv in my butt?
: '''Rex''': Pass. But come on. You've, I don't know, mellowed or something.
: '''Bobo''': Guess I just don't have a big need to act out these days, what with you and everyone gone. Plus, the employee benefits are pretty sweet.
: '''Black Knight''': Rex, we've got a little EVO problem. Providence could use your help. Ready to get back in the game?
: '''Rex''': If it involves getting out of here, that would be a &quot;yes.&quot; You coming?
: '''Bobo''': I'll join ya on the next one. I got Tai Chi at 2:00.
: '''Rex''': Missing an EVO smackdown? That doesn't sound like you.
: '''Bobo''': Did I mention the instructor has a thing for back hair?
: '''Rex:''' Ew. Okay. That sounds like you. What is it and where do I find it?
: '''Providence Agent''': We've got an EVO in the subway tunnels, people trapped in one of the trains. The power's out down there, too.
: '''Rex:''' Sounds like a street worm. Sure it's just one? Rex to H.Q. Okay, new chief, how do you want to do this?
: '''Black Knight:''' You're the expert.
: '''Rex:''' I am? Uh, I mean, of course I am. It's just that Six usually--
: '''Black Knight:''' You don't need help, Rex. Handle it as you see fit. Black, out.
: '''Rex:''' What's this strange feeling that's come upon me? Could it be...
: ''[Rex shudders]''
: '''Rex''': Responsibility?! Okay. Assemble your guys over there. Be ready for me. Should the guys grab flashlight. Or... better. Not a bad pre-show. Now for the main event.
: '''Providence Agent:''' How did you know?
: '''Rex:''' These things usually travel in pairs. I used lights from my builds to make it think I was another worm. Have your bug net handy. They're so cute after I shut them down.
: '''Rex:''' Sorry B.K. No can cure.
: '''Black Knight:''' Understood. Our team will take it from here.
: '''Rex:''' Um, take what where?
: '''Providence Agent:''' Move into the vehicle! Move... into... the vehicle! Hit her again!
: '''Rex:''' Um, what just happend?
: '''Black Knight:''' That's all for now, Rex. Nicely done.
: '''Rex:''' Hm. Wait. What are you gonna do with it?
: '''Providence Agent:''' Standard rehab and re-lo. It's all very humane.
: '''Rex:''' I'd love to see that. Mind if I tag along?
: '''Black Knight:''' Sorry, Rex. Authorized personnel only. You've done your job. Now let the team theirs.
: '''Rex:''' But--
: '''Black Knight:''' Boundaries, Rex.
: '''Rex:''' Boundaries. Got it. Rex, out.
: '''Caesar:''' Main container reached. Attach stabilizer ring.
: '''Rex:''' Humane? Yeah, right.
: ''[Bobo yawns]''
: '''Bobo:''' See? Great employee benefits.
: '''Rex:''' Yeah. Right. Hey, you got a tag sticking out in the back. Mind if I--
: '''Bobo:''' Thanks, pal. Well, off to yoga.
: '''Caesar:''' You really shouldn't be here, hermano.
: '''Rex:''' The petting zoo? The worm? My monkey practicing good hygiene? You're using that thing to control my friend!
: '''Caesar:''' He's still the same Bobo you know and love. He just need a few boundaries.
: '''Rex:''' He's not the same, and neither are you! You should hear yourself!
: '''Caesar:''' Making the world safer isn't possible without some form of control. And you'd better get some control of yourself, mijo.
: '''Rex:''' Or what? You'll use that thing on me?
: '''Caesar:''' Open your eyes to all the good we're accomplishing. Isn't this better than smacking them with your giant fists?
: '''Rex:''' That's combat! I protect people and property! Okay, property, not so much, but this? If you can't see the difference, then maybe I never knew you at all!
: '''Caesar:''' It doesn't matter. I have work to do.
: '''Rex:''' So do I!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Uses his Smack Hands to smash everything around him]''
: '''Caesar:''' Rex! Stop!
: '''Black Knight:''' Snooping around, Rex? See, that's another one of my boundaries.
: '''Rex:''' White Knight may have had his issues, but he never resorted to anything like this!
: '''Black Knight:''' I never planned to do this, Rex, but you've become a danger.
: '''Rex''' ''[shocked]'': Caesar! Think! You can't do this!
: '''Caesar:''' Of course I'm thinking. This is the logical conclusion to what we started. 
: '''Rex:''' The logical-- Aaaah! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Raaah! Aah!
: ''[Caesar blasts the mind-control laser, causing Rex to scream and groan in pain]''
: '''Caesar:''' Sorry, Rex. You'll thank me later.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' You... better... believe I will!
: '''Caesar:''' Please don't resist! It's only painful if you struggle!
: '''Black Knight:''' What's taking so long?
: '''Caesar:''' He's fighting it! His nantic energy is spiking off the scale!
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: '''Black Knight:''' Boost power.
: '''Caesar:''' It's not safe to--
: '''Black Knight:''' It's for the best. 
: ''[Caesar increases power, causing Rex's nanites to go haywire as a tear fall down his cheek, heartbroken about his own brother betraying him]''
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Manages to overpower the mind-control machine, much to the surprise and wonder of Caesar and Black Knight]''
: '''Rex:''' You just drew a line in the sand, bro! ''[runs off]''
: '''Black Knight:''' You'd better have a backup.
: '''Caesar:''' The prototype. Not portable, but more than enough power, even for him.
: '''Black Knight:''' Get it ready.
: '''Rex:''' Unh!
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: '''Rex:''' No mood to get slimed right now, mel!
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: '''Rex:''' What happened to your EVO control?
: '''Black Knight:''' A demonstration. You know what would happen without our influence.
: '''Rex:''' So, you're hijacking its brain, like you tried to do with mine.
: '''Black Knight:''' That won't be necessary if you'll willingly cooperate.
: '''Rex:''' Translation-- if I do everything you say.
: '''Black Knight:''' You've seen how we can work together. Providence still needs you. There will always be a few EVOs we can't control.
: '''Rex:''' Yeah. I'm one of them.
: '''Black Pawns:''' Shall we pursue?
: '''Black Knight:''' Most definitely.
: '''Rex:''' Gangway! Coming through! Huh? No! Huh. Black Pawns. Overdoing the whole theme, don't you think?
: ''[Rex groaning]''
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Rex:''' Yah! I'm getting beat up by the chess club!
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Black Knight:''' We... got off on the wrong foot. Stow the hardware and come with us. You have my word you won't be harmed. We can start over-- the right way.
: '''Bobo:''' You mind? You're interrupting the enjoyment of my employee benefits.
: ''[Rex sighs]''
: ''[Rex panting]''
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Black Knight:''' ''[after Rex was tranquilized]'' Excellent work. Take him to the lab.
: ''[Rex groans]''
: ''[Rex sighs]''
: '''Rex:''' What? No way! You're not turning my brain to mashed potatoes! Doc?!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Welcome back, Rex.
: '''Six:''' Good to see you, kid.
: '''Rex:''' Before I blame this on a Burrito-induced nightmare, will someone please tell me-- What... Is... Going... On?!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' What do you think? We've been looking for you.
: '''Six:''' We knew Providence might find you first. Fortunately, we planted a mole.
: '''Bobo:''' Ehh. Rex! Put 'er there!
: '''Rex:''' Uhh! You didn't wash! Oh! You didn't wash! But that means... that he really was... Robo Bobo?
: '''Bobo:''' In the flesh.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Literally. I gave it a biological upgrade, complete with his own nanites and... fleas, ticks, lice, chigger mites.
: '''Bobo:''' What can I say? I'm an ecosystem.
: '''Six:''' It's enough to fool your brother's equipment. The robot is only providing limited intel. But one thing is sure-- new Providence is about more than just getting Evos off the streets.
: '''Rex:''' I saw it. Whatever they're doing over there is seriously messed up.
: '''Six:''' That's why we've set up our own operation.
: '''Rex:''' Whoa! Where did you get all of this?
: '''Six:''' We have our sources.
: '''Rex:''' So, we're like super secret spies now? Cool!
:''[Rex sighs]''
: '''Rex:''' It's too bad about White, though. I never thought I'd say it, but I'm gonna miss that pasty guy.
: '''White Knight:''' How touching, Rex. I, on the other hand, would rather enjoyed the last six Rex-free months. Now... if we're done with the love-in, we have work to do.
: '''Rex:''' It really can't get any better than this. Oh, except one thing-- can I get a TV?

===Crash and Burn===
*From this episode, Rex can create two builds at once
:''[Bobo yawns]''
:'''Bobo:''' They say nothin' good happens after midnight. And, you know, they're right.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I'm worried about you, Bobo. Since we left Providence, you've been staying out every night.
:''[Bobo grunts]''
:''[Bobo munching]''
:''[Bobo gulps]''
:'''Bobo:''' That's not the least of your worries. Seen our boy lately?
:''[Dr. Holiday scoffs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex is fine. He just needs time to adjust to our new setting. Rex? It's Holiday. Are you there?
:'''Rex:''' Hey, doc. What up?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Just checking in. Everything okay?
:'''Rex:''' Better than okay. I'm about to set a new land-speed record'
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' That wasn't what I meant. How are you feeling?
:'''Rex:''' Appreciate the concern, but the only thing on my mind right now is the need for speed. Apparently, I'm not alone. I'll call you back. Hey! Slow down! I want to talk to you! Ah. You want to play chicken. Doc? Bobo? I'm getting blitzed by some bikers. Aah!
:'''Rand:''' Might as well give up! I won't quit! I'm a relentless, never-say-die, nonstop-- Uh, hey, wait a minute. Who are you?
:'''Rex:''' Think you could have asked me that before trying to run me down?
:'''Rand:''' Ooh! My fault. I thought you were one of us.
:'''Rex:''' &quot;One of us&quot;? What is this?
:'''Rand:''' Sorry, dude. No time to chat. Peace.
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, like I'm gonna take that for an answer. A street race? Or a demolition derby?
:''[Lance grunts]''
:''[Lance groans]''
:'''Lance:''' Gonna need a bike.
:'''Rex:''' Can't believe you survive that! You must be the luckiest guy on the-- These are nanites.
:''[Lance groans]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Oh, come on!
:'''Six:''' Something wrong?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Prototypes. I prefer tried-and-tested. And I don't even know what we're going to do with half of this stuff.
:'''Bobo:''' You're goin' soft, gettin' worked over by a bunch of goofballs on motorcycles.
:'''Rex:''' They had weapons.
:'''Bobo:''' Last time I checked, so did you.
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, but not while I'm on my bike. I'm strictly one at a time.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' The nanites that have infected his body are slowly poisoning him. I've never seen anything like it.
:'''Rex:''' Do what you can, Doc? I'm gonna go out and look for those racers.
:'''Bobo:''' Sounds dangerous.
:'''Rex:''' Sure, Bobo. You can come, too. The nanites we found on the biker gave off a different energy signature. Gonna use one of Holiday's new toys to try to scan for it. A bunch of them. And they're moving fast.
:'''Bobo:''' Then step on it! Maybe Holiday has a point about prototypes!
:'''Rex:''' Or maybe they're not on the streets. I'll watch the road. You watch the screen.
:'''Bobo:''' Gotta warn you-- Chimps make bad navigators!
:'''Rex:''' Just do it!
:'''Bobo:''' Hmm? Left! You're goin' left! Make a right! Another right!
:'''Rex:''' Which way?
:'''Bobo:''' I don't know! That way-ish! Wah! Like I said-- Monkeys make great navigators! This is your biker gang?
:'''Rex:''' They had weapons before I'm telling you-- They're tough!
:'''Bobo:''' If you say so.
:''[Bobo grunts]''
:'''Bobo:''' Wall.
:''[Bobo and Rex grunts]''
:'''Moss:''' That's some fancy ridin'. You following us, kid?
:'''Rex:''' Still think they don't look tough?
:'''Bobo:''' I take it back.
:'''Moss:''' Who are you, kid? 'Cause whoever you are, you're not bad.
:'''Rand:''' You're awesome! Where'd you learn to ride like that? Anybody with that kind of skill should be with us. Yeah!
:'''Moss:''' What's your secret?
:'''Rex:''' No secret. I'm just built that way.
:'''Lunk:''' Is that guy from TV-- The one who fights EVOs.
:'''Bobo:''' Five bucks for pictures, ten bucks for autographs.
:'''Rand:''' A talking monkey! Outrageous! I gotta have one. Is he for sale?
:'''Bobo:''' Brother, you can't afford me.
:'''Rex:''' You guys seem tight-- For guys who try to kill each other.
:'''Rand:''' We're not killers. We're racers. This is a legitimate sport.
:'''Moss:''' It is what it is. Our races aren't for the weak. Name's Moss. You've met Rand.
:'''Rex:''' He tried to blow me up.
:'''Rand:''' I missed. You're welcome. Come on, don't leave me hangin'.
:'''Moss:''' Never met a celebrity who could ride.
:'''Rex:''' I caught you, didn't I?
:'''Moss:''' But are you tough enough try me?
:'''Rex:''' Try me.
:'''Bobo:''' You gotta fight back?
:'''Rex:''' With what?
:'''Bobo:''' Oh, brother. Fine, leave it to Chimpy. Aah! I'll take that. Phbt!
:'''Rex:''' Something else on the map-- Moving fast! And it's big!
:'''Providence Agent:''' Halt! You kids! Pull over! Now!
:'''Moss:''' Cops!
:'''Bobo:''' Worst than cops-- Providence.
:'''Rex:''' The bikes give off a nanite signature. They must have tracked it.
:'''Providence Agent:''' Rex, what are you doing here?
:'''Rex:''' Research. You don't want to get caught up in this! Back off now! Sorry, guys. Have Black Knight sent me the bill.
:'''Rand:''' Ha! No way! You want to beat me, you gotta step your game up. Aah!
:''[Rand groans]''
:'''Rex:''' Rand!
:'''Bobo:''' Don't stop! Kid's wearing armor. He's fine.
:'''Rex:''' No! Something's wrong!
:''[Rand groans]''
:'''Rex:''' What is this thing? Doc? Get over here quick. We've got another one.
:'''Biker gangs:''' WHOO-HOO-HOO!
:''[Biker gangs laughs]''
:'''Biker gangs:''' Yeah!
:'''Moss:''' We thought you'd bailed on us. Where were you?
:'''Rex:''' Watching a doctor try to save Rand's life.
:'''Moss:''' Racers get sick sometimes. It's part of the life.
:'''Rex:''' Those nanite power sources-- you got to stop using them. To feel one with the road, that rush? So some people get sick. When we're on our rides, nothing else matters.
:'''Rex:''' Your rides are killing you! You're gonna be dead-- All of you! And for what? So you can go a little faster?
:'''Moss:''' We need those things to ride. You know what it's like.
:'''Lunk:''' Please. Don't take our bikes away.
:'''Rex:''' Nobody's going to take your bikes. But I need to know where you got those nanites.
:'''Lunk:''' ''[sighs]'' A guy named Valve. He supplies the superchargers.
:'''Moss:''' You're wasting your time. Valve never talks to anybody.
:'''Rex:''' He'll talk to me.
:'''Bobo:''' Been in a lot of bad biker dives, but this is the worst I've ever seen.
:'''Valve:''' Enter, strangers. The biker will see you now. Please, sit. May I offer you some tea?
:'''Rex:''' I'll pass.
:'''Valve:''' Suit yourself. I find a good cup of tea soothing-- for the body and the soul.
:''[Valve slurps]''
:'''Valve:''' You don't have to tell the biker why you're here. The biker can tell. You wish to buy a supercharger.
:''[Valve slurps]''
:'''Rex:''' Your superchargers are killing people. It's gonna stop.
:''[Valve breathes deeply]''
:'''Valve:''' Hmm. That sounds like a challenge.
:'''Rex:''' Maybe it is. I'll race you for them. If I win, you hand over your entire stockpile.
:'''Valve:''' Shh! Your answer is on the wind.
:'''Rex:''' You're... not right in the head, are you?
:'''Valve:''' When the wind commands, the impossible game must be gamed. The challenge is accepted. We will race for the superchargers. And when the biker wins... It won't matter.
:'''Rex:''' Why is that?
:'''Valve:''' Because you'll be dead. Let the race begin.
:'''Moss:''' This is his own private track. He knows it better than anyone. You can still back out-- Probably.
:'''Rex:''' And let people become poison, like Valve? No. I can take him. Just give me something to hit him with. You guys are walking arsenals. You don't have anything?
:'''Moss:''' You didn't think we'd need 'em today.
:'''Bobo:''' Oh, boy.
:'''Six:''' Message from Holiday. The two sick teens have stabilized, but she's still a ways from finding a cure.
:'''Rex:''' It was the only weapon I could find, okay? Can I borrow the sword?
:'''Six:''' Use your own.
:'''Rex:''' On wheels? It's not gonna happen.
:'''Six:''' What's stopping you?
:'''Rex:''' Well, for one thing, I-- Um, not sure exactly.
:'''Six:''' What have I been teaching you? Focus on what you want and make it happen. No more excuses.
:''[Bobo munching]''
:''[Bobo munching]''
:'''Valve:''' You're lucky. One the very best get a chance at this track.
:'''Rex:''' Then I should fit right in. Rules of the game-- ten laps. Cross the finish line before the biker, and you may have them.
:'''Rex:''' So, is the wind talking to you now?
:'''Valve:''' The wind commands the Biker to destroy you. The Biker is happy to oblige.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Bobo:''' You gonna help him?
:'''Six:''' He's doing fine.
:'''Bobo:''' Are you watchin' the same race I am?
:''[Valve grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' You're in trouble, Rex! No. Keep it together. Keep... it... together. Six said it-- Focus. Focus. Focus!
:''[Valve laughs]''
:'''Valve:''' Oblivion.
:'''Six:''' Like I sad-- He's doing fine.
:'''Rex:''' Double-up! Where have you been all my life?
:''[Valve grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Cute toy. But I like mine better.
:'''Valve:''' Aah!
:'''Rex:''' Was there any doubt?
:'''Bobo:''' Yeah, plenty.
:''[Valve panting]''
:'''Rex:''' We had the deal. Remember?
:'''Valve:''' Like the storm that changes directions on a whim, the biker is changing the deal. 'Cause the biker-- ''[grunts]'' Doesn't like! ''[grunts]'' The biker-- ''[grunts]'' never loses! ''[grunts]'' Unh!
:'''Rex:''' First time for everything. Thank you, Six.
:'''Six:''' It was all you, kid.
:'''Moss:''' Rand!
:'''Biker gangs:''' Oh, Rand! Good to see you!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Completely detoxified. In a couple days, they'll be back to full strength. Those could be useful at the new base.
:'''Moss:''' You can't stop us from riding.
:'''Rex:''' What's stopping you? You can still ride. You just won't be poisoned by nanites. Come on. Race you back to the garage.
:''[Rex rides off]''
:'''Moss:''' ''[Chasing after Rex]'' You heard the man. Hit it!
:'''Six:''' You do realize we just turned a group of reckless teenage boys loose on the city.
:'''Bobo:''' All in a day's work.

===Heroes United, Part 1===
:'''Caesar:''' Now where are you? So it ''is'' you. This is most disturbing.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Ben:''' You know the friend you care about!? Well, I have a cousin, a grandfather, a best friend that I care about!! They don't exist here! I may never see them again! I'm totally alone! So go ahead! Do your worst.
: '''Rex:''' Maybe we can help each other.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' I'm curious how big brother knows about something from a parallel dimension.
: '''Caesar:''' Because I sent it there. In the early days of the Nanite Project, our goal was simple. Construct microscopic machines to cure diseases, grow new cells, regenerate bones. They was a control issue. Some thought a human-machine link was the answer. Others proposed that the machines control themselves. I was in latter cam. I developed the Alpha to control other nanites. To maximize its effectiveness, I had to program Alpha to think for itself. 
:'''Ben:''' Does a low explanation mean something bad on your Earth too?
:'''Rex:''' Yep.
:'''Caesar:''' Alpha developed its own consciousness. It evolved into a unique life-form. It wanted a body, but whatever it built burned out. So when Alpha attempted possessing living this, Alpha had to be eliminated. So I built a dimensional disruptor.
:'''Ben:''' Looks like a Null Void gun. We got some like those back home, too.

===Heroes United, Part 2===
:'''Alpha:''' The nanites in those creatures. They are different, powerful. Your nanites are weak. I have no use for you. Where is the boy?
:'''Holiday:''' His nanites are off limits!!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' My brother!? Look around! He's not here!
:'''Alpha:''' The father is redundant. Now that I found you.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Alpha:''' I cannot merge! What makes you so special, human? Yes. You shelter an Omega.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''White Knight:''' Don't let it get to Rex! If it drains his nanites-!
:'''Diamondhead:''' Game over. I get it.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex''': My most powerful builds came from the Omega nanite. A lot of people are going to get hurt and I can't stop it. What happens when the best you can do just isn't enough?
:'''Ben''': You get an Upgrade.
:'''Rex:''' Weren't you listening? Alpha has the Omega.
:'''Ben:''' I'm not talking about a nanite.
:(''Transforms into Upgrade'')
:'''Rex''':  Hey, what are you- ''[Upgrade merges with Rex]'' Whoa, okay, that feels weird. ''[Upgrade covers Rex's body like a suit]'' Wow, what supposed to happen now? ''[Upgrade's head appears on Rex's left shoulder]'' Uh...don't do that, you freaking me out!
:'''Upgrade''': Build something!
:'''Rex''': ''[Builds a Smack Arm, which is modified by Upgrade]'' Sweet, so what's the plan?
:'''Upgrade''': You build stuff, I make it better. Fight fight fight, we win!
:'''Rex''':  Works for me! ''[Rex builds a Boogie Pack and blasts off]''
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Alpha''': Organics who rely on machines for their power, I don't need. The machines themselves, now those I will have.
===Phantom of the Soap Opera===
:'''Rex Salazar:''' In a world he never chose and barely understands... ''[Rex looks over the countryside from a cliff, jumps and lands in a snow scene]'' One incredibly good looking guy fights for us all. His name...you know it baby...Rex. ''[jumps into a lake scene]'' Forget train wrecks... ''[punches]'' And car wrecks... ''[kicks]'' Nothing brings the pain like this Rex. ''[runs into city scene. EVO walks down street, Rex runs up, jumps, grabs EVO's head and tears it off. Holds it over his head in victory gesture.]''
:'''Actor in costume:''' Yeah, yeah, that's hilarious kid.
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Ah, anytime you want to stop trying to get me fired get back to the tour.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Sorry. Got caught up in the moment.
:'''Actor in costume:''' Ah, dude?
:''[Rex puts head back on the man in EVO costume.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' And on your left, the sound stage where they make the hit TV show Middle School Talent show.
:''[Teen girls on tour squeal and run towards it.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' That's a closed set. ''[Noah pulls on his hair]'' C'mon, this is my first week as a page, I could lose my job!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' I got this. ''[pulls girls back from stage with turbines]'' I just don't get girls, how come they get so... ''[notices something behind Noah, acts all excited]'' Huh hu oh huh... oh El Amor de la Pasion del Amor! Why didn't you tell me EADLPDA was made here?
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Um, probably because I didn't really believe you actually still watch a soap opera.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' It's a telenovela. The actresses are smoking hot. And I don't have cable?...ah c'mon dude don't be a hater. ''[crosses arms]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Whatever. We're not going in there, they get like ten safety violations a week, no one's allowed in accept crew and studio staff.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' You mean like pages? ''[Brushes Noah's shoulder with his hand, smiling. Noah brushes his hand away.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' No way. My boss is a total butt-buster for the rules and she is always watching. ''[makes binocular with his hands]''
:'''Head Page:''' You got that right bub. ''[Rex looks behind him, and jumps away]'' By the way Page, you lose something? ''[has three girls from Noah's tour group tied up in a rope]'' Found these wandering over by Middle School Talent Show. ''[Noah runs over and unties them, rope falls]''
:'''Head Page:''' ''[points to her left eye]'' I got my one good eye on you, Nixon.
:''[On set of telenovela]''
:''[Isabella crying]''
:'''Reymundo:''' Pensabas que yo era tu marido. ¡Pero fue una mentira! Pero la verdad es que soy Reymundo, el hermano diabólico de Reynaldo.
:'''Isabella:''' Yo sé, pero todavía te amo.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' ''[standing by salad bar in cafeteria looking up at TV screen]'' How can anyone say that's not great!
:''[Man in cowboy hat tips his hat to Noah]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Whoa? Celebrities know you?
:''[There are drinks on their trays at this point, then in the next frame there are no drinks on their trays and they go over to get drinks.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' The only one here who knows my name is my boss. I'm just a newb on an internship.
:''[Blond girl puts her hand on Noah's shoulder and reaches across him to get a soda, walks away, looks back and gives him a finger gun.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Yeah right, you just got a finger gun from TV weather lady Summer Sonnenshine.
:'''Noah Nixon:''' It's the page jacket not me, if you put this thing on everyone would think you work here. Still. I gotta admit it's pretty cool.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Y'know, I didn't even know you'd applied for this. But I guess when you jump ahead in time you gotta expect some surprises...OH MY GOSH... ''[drops tray]'' It's Isabella, from El Amor del Pasion del Amor.
:''[Rex throws up his arms, knocks tray into Noah's chest spilling it all over his jacket]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' AHHH!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' I know she's even hotter in real life than she is on the...
:'''Noah Nixon:''' ''[looks down at tray and jacket]'' Ohhhhh...
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Okay, okay don't worry...
:'''Head Page:''' ''[yelling at another page behind Rex]'' You call yourself a page!
:'''Rex:''' Okay worry. ''[puts his fingers together]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' This is a huge violation of the dress code, oh I am so fired!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' No you're not. Come on, move!
:''[They run to a supply closet.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' I've gotta lead another tour in 45 minutes. We can't get to a dry cleaners and back in 45 minutes.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' This is my bad, but I can fix this. ''[Noah panicking, rocking and hyperventilating]'' We just have to calm down and think. Just calm down. ''[Rex points at Noah]'' Noah, calm down!
:''[Rex grabs a bottle of pickles off the shelf, opens the lid and throw contents of jar at Noah's head. A pickle ends up in Noah's mouth, he spits it out.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Not helping. ''[Noah, calm now and not hyperventilating and rocking, wipes pickle juice out of his eyes.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Okay, listen we passed the wardrobe department on the tour, they've gotta have a washer and dryer right?
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Uh... yeah, I guess?
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Alright, good, give me your outfit and stay put, I'll take care of everything else.
:''[Scene change. Sign which says laundry stages commissary.]''
:''[Rex runs towards laundry, passes stage of telenovela. Grins and stops. Looks into open door. Looks down at soiled jacket. Up at stage doorway. Walks away. Runs back and grins bigger. Walks into stage with Noah's jacket on.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Uh...
:'''Isabella:''' Finally! You are here!
:''[Isabella kisses Rex all over his face.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' This is happening, right? I'm not going to wake up and be making out with my pillow again am I?
:'''Isabella:''' Come with me, they want to cancel us you know. That's why the studio puts us here in this place falling apart with all the accidentes.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Soap operas do not get the respect they deserve.
:'''Isabella:''' You are very wise for your age. We don't even go backstage anymore. Too dangerous.
:''[A silhouette of a rat is seen, it squeaks]''
:'''Beatriz:''' Is that our page?
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Uh...
:''[Rex falls]''
:'''Isabella:''' He's mine, I saw him first!
:''[Rex gets up and Isabella grabs him.]''
:'''Isabella:''' He is mine!!!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Hum?
:'''Beatriz:''' Why don't we let him decide?
:'''[Rex is being pulled back and forth]''
:'''Isabella:''' You would like that wouldn't you?
:'''Beatriz:''' Yes I would! Very much.
:'''Isabella:''' Fine.
:''[Girls growl at each other and walk away.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' ''[grinning]'' Did they just cat-fight over me?
:''[The girls come back with lists.]''
:'''Isabella:''' Here is a list of what I need you to do!
:'''Beatriz:''' And here's mine!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' You want me to work on the show?
:'''Beatriz:''' Claro que si, we haven't had a page on set in ages.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' But I'm not ... ''[looks over the girls]'' ...able to think of one reason why I would pass this up.
:''[Screen cuts to Noah looking out the door. He sees the chief page and closes the door quickly, after that, the scene changes back to Rex carrying boxes of water with yogurt on top.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' I got your yogurt, but I couldn't find the water you wanted. So I got these.
:'''Isabella:''' You are dead to me! But I will take this one. ''[takes yogurt]''
:''[Rex stares in shock and drops the boxes full of water.]''
:''[Old man walks in a dressing room, and Reynaldo comes out soon later.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Whoa, it's Reynaldo! Uh, coffee? ''[offers him a mug of coffee]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' Gracias.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Leche?
:'''Reynaldo:''' How dare you! I am lactose intolerant.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Uh, okay, didn't know that. Sugar?
:''[Reynaldo knocks the sugar out of his hand.]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' Real men take their coffee strong and hot. Are you suggesting that I am not a real man?
:''[Rex looks around and the phone rings.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Rex, where are you?
:'''Reynaldo:''' No phone! ''[Reynaldo knocks the phone out of his hand.]'' You will talk to me face to face. Mano a mano! ''[grabs Rex's jacket]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Hey wait what are you... ''[Reynaldo pulls Rex away from table. Stage light falls where Rex was standing]'' ...Oh, thanks!
:''[Everyone runs up to them.]''
:'''Beatriz:''' Not another accidente!
:'''Isabella:''' ''[scared]'' Ay. Dios mio! No!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' It's okay, I'm fine.
:'''Isabella:''' ''[pushes Rex down]'' My jogurt!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' I'd hate to be the guy that has to clean that up... ''[whispers to man though they look at him]'' Oh. ''[Reynaldo hands him the mop.]''
:'''Beatriz:''' If I didn't know better, I'd say that someone was trying to kill us.
:'''Reynaldo:''' Someone is. The head of the studio is trying to kill our soap opera. That's why he put us in this accursed stage, with all these accidentes. But we... ''[another stage light falls and hits his head, he falls to the ground]'' Aahh... Por que? Ay.
:''[Rex looks up and sees a mongoose...runs after it...goes backstage. Sees clowns and a sign saying “Mongo”.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Ugh! Clowns.
:''[The mongoose squeaks.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Lemme guess. You're the one who's been causing all the accidents.
:''[Mongo growls, bears teeth]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Okay, let's say we can wrap this up quietly. Last thing I need is someone wondering why the guy in the page jacket can do this. ''[wraps Mongo up in the whip thing, Mongo gets tiny, escapes, growls]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Guess that explains how you've been able to hide out back here. ''[Mongo pulls lever cannon comes out of floor and fires at Rex. Platform falls Rex dodges. Mongo squeaks]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Can we please do this a little more quietly and with a lot less YOU trying to kill me?
:''[Mongo jumps into the “O” of his name on the sign.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Wait, that's you, isn't it? You just want your job back. I can help you. ''[reaches in and tries to cure him Mongo runs out and traps Rex's hand]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Enough with the booby traps, I'm trying to help you. ''[Mongo sets off another trap]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Uh-oh. [makes big fist, weight on rope swings and hits Rex, makes noise]
:'''Beatriz:''' What's going on back there?
:'''Isabella:''' Where is that page? I am beginning to wonder ...HOW LONG IS IT GOING TO TAKE FOR HIM TO CLEAN UP MY JOGURT!!!!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' ''[Getting thrown around back stage]'' Ouch. ''[gets beat up by mechanical clowns]''
:''[Mongo cuts stars from ceiling they fall and cut Rex's jacket]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Ok, New plan-- First I smash your face, then I cure you.
:''[Mongo knocks over equipment]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' No. ''[grabs equipment, Mongo jumps on his arm, punches him and he falls]'' Oww! Look out!
:''[Actors run from set, Rex falls and smashes set]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Uhh, okay here's the deal—all the accidents you've been having they were caused by an EVO backstage. It used to be a mongoose and now it wants it's old job back. ''[last wall of stage set falls behind him]''
:'''Beatriz:''' What are jou talking about?
:'''Isabella:''' We just saw you ruin our set.
:'''Reynaldo:''' You are trying to destroy this soap opera just like the rest of them! It is true what they say, this sound stage must be cursed for us to have such a horrible page such as you, Senior... ''[looks at name badge]'' Noah Nixon.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Whoa, wait. This isn't Noah's fault.
:''[Three actors gasps]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' ''[tears off his own shirt]'' Now you insult us by talking about yourself in the third person! Somehow we must rebuild and finish our shoot! But as soon as we do, Noah Nixon, I will have you fired!
:''[Workers fixing set, Rex's phone rings.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Rex! Finally. How's the jacket?
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Umm. Well, the good news is you won't notice the stain anymore. Hey uh, by the way, your page training, did it include anything about the creepy backstage in studio B?
:'''Noah Nixon: What? Why are you--
:'''Rex Salazar:''' No reason. I was just thinking, hypothetically, what would happen if I used your jacket to take a quick peek at the telenovela and ended up chasing some killer EVO mongoose? Hypothetically... Uh...Noah?
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Sorry, just trying to figure out how to tell my parents I have no future.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Hey I got this. I hit a little snag. Just keep your pants on.
:'''Noah Nixon:''' ''[sitting the maintenance closet in his underwear]'' Heh!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Sorry, look, you don't have anything to worry about all I have to do is catch the EVO before they finish shooting and clear my... your name.
:'''Noah Nixon:''' You know what? I'm not worried. I am completely resigned to the fact that I am losing my job. ''[Noah hangs up on Rex. Rex hears dial tone.]''
:'''Beatriz:''' ''[to Reynaldo]'' You are bleeding!
:'''Reynaldo:''' What I am is an actor! We must shoot this scene. We cannot let them cancel us! ''[moans and falls on his face crushing a chair]''
:'''Beatriz:''' You cannot go on.
:'''Isabella:''' If only there were someone else here who knows our show, is fluent in Spanish, and will do a scene in which he kisses me.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' I'll do it!!!
:'''Reynaldo:''' You? The one who ruined our set and lied about the EVO? I'd rather die! But then, my life will surely end if the show is canceled, so maybe... But no! It's impossible. But yet, what is more impossible than a dream. Nothing means more than my dream of saving this telenovela!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' So, is that a--
:'''Reynaldo:''' Si. You will be our savior. And then I will have you fired. Accion!
:''[Rex is dressed as Reynaldo. Takes Isabella in his arms and looks deep into her eyes, smiles..then turns away, sees Mongo and gasps. Isabella pulls his face back to her and puckers for a kiss. Mongo squeaks and runs out the door and Rex turns his eyes towards it.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' ''[thinking]'' Okay no kiss, but you're gonna save Noah's job! ''[groans]'' Nope. Doesn't make it any better. ''[Runs out Isabelle runs after him, trips on his wig and falls to the ground gasping, reaching after him]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' ''[makes Rex Ride to chase Mongo down alley. Runs into a set. Falls]'' Where'd you go?
:'''Guy in suit:''' You! Page! Take this script to post, pronto.
:'''Rex Salazar: Hey wait, I'm not--
:'''Guy in suit:''' Oh? You're not going to do it? Are you talking back to me Mr.... Nixon?
:'''Rex Salazar:''' No. Mr. Nixon is not definitely not talking back to whoever you are. ''[takes script, leaves]''
:'''Guy in suit:''' Nixon! ''[Points in the other direction of where Rex was going. Rex goes where he's pointing]''
:''[Rex walks by alley hears Mongo munching garbage, sneaks up, tries to cure it. It escapes, Rex corners it in dead end alley]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Oh you're not so tough when you can't hide, are you? ''[Mongo growls and grows huge]'' Oh so you can do that too. ''[Mongo roars, swipes at Rex with claws]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Hey, watch the jacket. I'm in enough trouble already. ''[Sets down scripts. Big fists. Mongo shrinks to escape. Rex falls to the ground. Mongo gets huge again behind him, tries to stomp on Rex, Rex rolls out of the way, Mongo shrinks and runs away, Rex climbs out of hole in ground breathing heavily and falls to ground.]''
:'''Guy in suit:''' ''[walks up]'' Are you kidding me? You still haven't delivered that script? ''[Rex runs off]''
:'''Guy in suit:''' Nixon! ''[points in other direction, Rex runs that way]''
:''[Mongo jumps off roof grows huge lands on Rex, grabs script.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Hey, gimme that! ''[grabs Mongo with big fist throws him into a stage building]''
:''[Rex looks in the hole into the stage.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Sorry. ''[runs off after Mongo]''
:''[Mongo throws him higher than the roof tops, Rex lands on big feet, Mongo tackles him. Rex lands in front of the post building, grabs remains of script out of Mongo's mouth. Mongo runs away, Rex gathers script remains and hands it to man at post door.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' I think this is for you. ''[runs after Mongo]''
:''[Phone rings]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Did you catch it?
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Not yet, but I delivered a script for you, well, most of it.
:'''Noah Nixon:''' I am so dead.
:'''Lady with clipboard:''' ''[grabs Rex by the collar]'' Noah Nixon, you're right on time for your two p.m. tour. ''[Gives Rex clipboard and keys]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' ''[Driving tram with tourists]'' Uh, there's a building where some TV shows are made and there's another one and oh great there's the giant killer EVO.
:''[Mongo chasing tram, Rex steps on gas. Tram goes sloooow. Mongo attacks tram. Rex lands, catches tourists with big hands, flies off on hoverboard]''
:'''Tourist:''' They had better special effects at my kids' school play.
:''[Back on soap opera stage]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' I need a bigger reaction from you. Bigger!
:''[Rex crashes through ceiling with Mongo hanging on the bottom of his hoverboard, heading towards Isabella.]''
:''[Isabella screams and covers head, Mongo crashes into set]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' Yes! That's it exactly!
:''[Mongo growls]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Be careful or you're gonna get the hand. ''[big fists with right hand. Mongo jumps at him, Rex grins and raises his left hand and cures Mongo. Mongo lays on ground cute and unconscious.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' That's not the hand I meant.
:''[Actors, stunned, applaud]''
:''[Rex picks up Mongo.]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' You are a good page, Noah Nixon.
:''[Mongo wakes up runs around on Rex and perches on his shoulder cutely.]''
:''[At supply closet with Noah, Rex walks in holding torn up jacket]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Oh, my jacket! ''[Cuddles jacket, then holds it up and glares at Rex through the hole in it. Rex grins guiltily.]''
:''[Head Page walks in, Noah hides jacket, then realizes he is in underwear and tries to hide himself behind jacket.]''
:'''Head Page:''' I got a dozen calls from all over the lot about you, Nixon. I don't know what you were thinking. ''[He sits down, sweat runs down his face, he closes his eyes, frowns, runs head away. Head page grabs him and hugs him.]''
:'''Head Page:''' I'm proud of you, kiddo! It took me sixty seven years to make chief page. I bet you'll get the job in half that time. ''[Noah stands up holding jacket in front of him. Rex and Noah look puzzled Head Page walks to door, turns back]''
:'''Head Page:''' Oh and them soap opera fellas, eh, they got a special reward for you. ''[they look at each other with puzzled frowns]''
:''[Telenovela stage, Noah dressed as Reynaldo. Isabella kisses him.]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' And cut! You look differante than you did before, Noah Nixon. ''[Noah looks up at his blond eyebrows and takes off the wig and mustache. Smiles at Reynaldo. Reynaldo looks at him thoughtfully.]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' I can see you've been to makeup. Good you finally look like a real man! ''[Noah smiles.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' [peeking in from backstage, makes a jealous face as Noah is laughing together with the actors.] It's OK, it's OK. You're a good friend, you're a good friend.
:'''Guy in suit:''' You! Quit talking to yourself and get me some coffee! ''[Rex runs off]'' Nixon!
:''[Mongo looking down from rafters]''

===Riddle of the Sphinx===
:'''Egyptian Guide:''' They uncovered the tunnel during routine sewer work. No one has set foot in here in over 3.500 years.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Providence doesn't work the location yet?
:'''Egyptian Guide:''' ''[laughs]'' The antiquities comission does not like this Black Knight. They keep her busy with much paperwork.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' The maze looks like it extends for miles. They do that to keep looters out?
:'''Egyptian Guide:''' Or to keep something in.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Anything that was trapped in here couldn't be alive after all this time.
:'''Egyptian Guide:''' I-I-I must go.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''': Watch out! Bobby traps.
:'''Egyptian Guide:''' That's not what I'm afraid of.
:'''Bobo:''' It's only been a few days since we heard from Holiday.
:'''Six:''' Something's wrong.
:'''Bobo:''' Maybe she wanted a vacation from you clowns. &quot;Something's wrong.&quot;
:''[Bobo grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Providence! She in is trouble.
:'''Six:''' Black Knight. And she has your better half.
:'''Bobo:''' I'm predictin' an awkward situation.
:'''Black Knight:''' Hello, Rex. If you came for your friend, I'll have to disappoint you.
:'''Rex:''' That hairy creep? You can keep the traitor. Hey! My faithful guide, why don't you go away while we discuss business?
:'''Bobo:''' It's me, you dopey tin can! Beat it! Or the boss lady's gonna get wise to our little switcheroo.
:'''Rex:''' What's the campout for?
:'''Black Knight:''' Routine scientific research.
:'''Rex:''' Look, I know Holiday was here. What'd you do with her?
:'''Black Knight:''' We arrived an hour ago. The locals say Holiday unleashed a monster down in the tunnels. The situation's under control. As soon as we've secured the tunnels, I'll send a team in to see if she's still alive.
:'''Rex:''' I'm going with you.
:'''Black Knight:''' You're going nowhere. You quit Providence. Unless you're recosindering?
:'''Rex:''' Come on, guide. Holiday's in those tunnels. But Black Knight has a whole battalion of Providence goons guarding the entrance.
:'''Six:''' I figured she'd be no help. That's why I found someone who knows a back way in.
:'''Egyptian Cooker:''' The Kushari is healthy. For the stomach, good.
:'''Rex:''' Enough about the Kushari! Where's the back entrance?
:'''Egyptian Cooker:''' For so young, you in such a hurry. And old cook like me, I live by selling Kushari. Why not buy some? You buy, I give you more information.
:'''Bobo:''' Ah, come on. Stop bein' so stingy. Buy some more.
:'''Six:''' Where's the back entrance?
:'''Egyptian Cooker:''' The sewer man-- They came to fix a leak. They found the tunnel to the entrance in my basement.
:'''Bobo:''' Mmm!
:'''Rex:''' Way cool! Maybe we'll see some mummies!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Tell us where Holiday is!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Where do you think I am?
:'''Six:''' Holiday!
:'''Bobo:''' So, what's with the halloween get up, doc?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I found it in one of the chambers. Scares off the curious. I need to get to the bottom of all this before Black Knight.
:'''Rex:''' The bottom of what? This is all ancient history?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' You can this ancient history?
:'''Rex:''' That looks like a nanite!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' That's because it is a nanite.
:'''Six:''' How could they have knowledge back then?
:'''Rex:''' Aliens! Like the ones that built the pyramids.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' None of this is more advanced that the 21st century. It's not aliens. I think the answers lie behind this door. But I can't figure out how to open it.
:'''Rex:''' Open the door? No problem, Doc!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Stop! This whole place is booby-trapped. We open this wrong, they'll bring the tunnels down on us.
:'''Rex:''' If there's a wrong way to open it, then that means there's a right way, too. Maybe the nanite picture is a clue. The whole thing is rigged like one. Told you-- No prob. Whoa, mumies.
:'''Bobo:''' What are you lookin' at, beautiful?
:'''Rex:''' Ha! Awesome! I'd love to see the look on Knight's face when she finds out we've beat her here.
:'''Black Knight:''' Then let me step a little closer so you can see.
:'''Six:''' How'd you find us?
:'''Black Knight:''' Your mole helped me.
:'''Bobo:''' Sorry, pal.
:'''Black Knight:''' I should have known better. It's old junk from the dead.
:''[Black Knight gasps]''
:'''Guranset:''' Gharun Set is not dead.
:'''Rex:''' Put her down!
:'''Black Knight:''' This isn't the time for violence. Our host has forgotten his manners. I presume he hasn't had guests in a long time.
:'''Guranset:''' Almost an eternity. Gharun Set said has waited for his release. Awaken this cursed prison through the ages.
:'''Black Knight:''' You speak English. That is interesting. Who taught your own language, Gharun Set?
:'''Guranset:''' I was taught by the great father.
:'''Black Knight:''' Father? What did he look me?
:'''Guranset:''' He is dead-- As all of you soon shall be!
:'''Black Knight:''' Now's the time for violence.
:'''Guranset:''' Aah!
:'''Black Knight:''' A nanite disrupter. Something I had your brother's lab whip up. It's quite lethal.
:'''Rex:''' Looks like the lab forgot to tell him that.
:'''Guranset:''' The boy controls the engines of life? It can't be. I laid low the armies of six kingdoms, swordsman. You think your tiny blades can stop me?
:'''Rex:''' Try this one for size!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex!
:'''Rex:''' Huh?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' His staff is a nanite disrupter. Get it away from him.
:'''Rex:''' Easier said than done!
:'''Guranset:''' Haah!
:'''Rex:''' Oh, mummies!
:'''Bobo:''' Yeah, yeah, you got your mummies. I hope you're happy!
:'''Six:''' Rex! We can handle this! He's getting away!
:'''Guranset:''' One last trap to keep me imprisoned, father. Nothing will keep me from my destiny! You serve his plan, child, and don't even know it.
:'''Rex:''' Everybody talk weird in ancient Egypt, or it is just your special thing? Uh... are they supposed to do that?
:''[Rex sighs]''
:'''Guranset:''' Finally! I am free!
:'''Six:''' These EVO's won't say dead.
:'''Bobo:''' Their breath stinks, too! Ah, boy!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' You could thank me for saving your life.
:'''Black Knight:''' Dr. Holiday, our lives are not safe yet.
:'''Guranset:''' I am not alone. Together, we shall reconquer this land, and then.. the world!
:'''Rex:''' Uh, I think the sun's baked him loopy. You can't reanimate that. It's a statue.
:'''Guranset:''' This is not statue, child. It is a tomb. Arise, my mighty steed. Arise, my sphinx!
:'''Rex:''' Providence, this is Rex. You may want to evacuate Cairo.
:'''Guranset:''' This city is a blight upon my kingdom. All shall be as it once was.
:'''Rex:''' I'm warning you, Gharun Set-- I don't want to have to get rough with you. Step off the pussycat.
:'''Guranset:''' You presume to tell a pharaoph what to do. Be gone!
:'''Six:''' Holiday. There's something I want to tell you before it's too late.
:'''Bobo:''' Ugh. Hold still! Oh, no.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' All of them. Like the nanites keeping them alive... self-destructed? I'm sorry. What were you going to say?
:'''Six:''' Holiday... I, uh...
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Hold that thought.
:'''Bobo:''' What's it gonna be, the kooky chicks or we go help Rex save the world?
:'''Six:''' Rex probably has this under control. Holiday needs my-- our help.
:'''Bobo:''' Yeah, I can't resist a good catfight either.
:'''Rex:''' Let me handle! This it's too dangerous!
:'''Pilot:''' Black Knight, target sighted. It's riding a 50-foot-tall house cat. Please advise.
:'''Black Knight:''' Do not harm. Contain and capture. We need that specimen.
:''[Black Knight gasps]''
:'''Black Knight:''' Pilot disregard. Last order. Target no longer needed. Destroy. Repeat-- Destroy.
:'''Pilot:''' You're with the lady. Lock and load.
:'''Rex:''' Huh? Whoa! Get out of here! I don't know what he's up to, but it's not good.
:'''Garunset:''' Behold the majesty of my dream. My kingdom! My paradise!
:'''Rex:''' Whoa!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' What is this place?
:'''Black Knight:''' It's the stuff of legends. The fabled hall of records which lay hidden beneath where the sphinx once was.
:'''Bobo:''' &quot;Was&quot;?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' This can't be! That's the helix splitter. And that looks like a nano-flux inducer. Caesar built the first prototype of one last year.
:'''Black Knight:''' I can't let you touch any of this. It's too unstable with age. When you blundered in the tomb, you set off a safeguard. Someone thought this room too dangerous for the world to know about.
:'''Bobo:''' Agreed. Let's scram!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' We can't! Don't you know what this means to science? The knowledge in here is invaluable. It cannot be lost-- Again!
:'''Black Knight:''' It won't be! Now that we know where it is, we can dig it out later. We will study it. I promise you that.
:'''Six''': Holiday. Let it go.
:'''Guranset''': As father promised-- I will rule forever.
:'''Rex''': Forever is gonna be shorter than you think.
:'''Guranset''': No! Nooooo!
:'''Rex''': Aw, come on! I didn't hit you that hard!
:''[Guranset gasps]''
:'''Rex''': What's happening to you?
:''[Guranset gasps]''
:'''Guranset''': Aaaaaaaaah!
:''[Guranset grunts]''
:'''Guranset''': Do not touch your pharaoh.
:'''Rex''': You need help. Your nanites are dying of old age-- I think. It's like starting an old car. Uh, o-or a camel. Let me help you. I can fix your nanites, and then maybe--
:'''Guranset''': Lies!
:'''Rex''': You're in a strange time, a strange place. We have science, machines. We can help you. Trust us.
:'''Guranset''': Like you trust the woman you call Black Knight? I see now this is a world of lies. You and I have no place in it. Father told me of you... Rex.
:'''Rex:''' What? How do you know my--
:'''Guranset''': I would have helped the world. Ended the hunger, the wars. But now he will return. Avenge me. ''[Echoing]'' I see now this is a world of lies. You and I have no place in it.
&lt;hr width80/&gt;
:'''Black Knight:''' You wanted something?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' The hall of records-- You can't keep it a secret. It must be studied. That hall--
:'''Black Knight:''' What hall?
:'''Rex:''' Why'd you do that?! Holiday said--
:'''Black Knight:''' Some secrets are best left buried under the sands, Rex.
:''[Dr. Holiday grunts]''
:'''Black Knight:''' Gentleman. Dr. Holiday.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Six, what'd you want to tell me back in the tomb?
:'''Six:''' It can wait.
:'''Rex:''' Don't wait too long.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' All those priceless artifacts. And we still don't know who created Gharun Set.

===Guy vs. Guy===
:'''Rex:''' This means war.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;

===Double Vision===
: ''[The episode starts as a butterfly flies through plants in a flower shop. Suddenly, Rex is thrown into the shop window, making nearby civilians run away. Rex gets up and looks out of the broken glass, seeing a beastly plant EVO, a few people watching, and Agent Six slashing his swords around to evade the EVO's tentacles.]''
: '''Rex:''' ''[Pants and brushes leaves off his sleeve and puts on goggles.]'' Not bad!
: ''[Uses the Punk Busters to jump out of the shop and generates his Smack Hands to uppercut the EVO, causing it to crash into a nearby building.]'' But I'm better!
: ''[The EVO gets out of the glass windows and roars, attacking Agent Six.]''
: '''Agent Six:'''	''[Cuts off a tentacle and walks towards Rex.]'' Talk is cheap, Rex. Prove it.
: '''Rex:''' ''[Generating the Smack Hands.]'' No problemo.
: ''[The EVO rushes towards Rex, unfortunately, Rex grabs it and slams it onto the ground. A random girl is driving up the road on a moped. However, she is stopped as the EVO blocks the path.]''
: '''Rex:''' ''[Putting his hands up to assure the girl.]'' Nothing to worry about, I've got this handled. ''[Turns to EVO, whom is still on the floor.]'' Okay big guy, say adiós to those nasty nanites.
: '''Rex:''' ''[Rex kneels down to cure the EVO, flowers spout out of the EVO]'' Aw, for me? Does this mean we're dating?
: ''[Suddenly, the flowers shoot out some goo into Rex's face, making him slam onto the floor, a crowd forms around the battle.]''
: '''Rex:''' ''[Yelps while getting up and pulls his goggles off and wipes the goo off his face.]'' Oh, that's better. ''[He gives his goggles to the random female on the moped]'' Hey! Watch these for me. ''[Runs back into battle and generates the Punk Busters and kicks the blacked out EVO over a building.]'' Goal! Hey thanks for holding onto my...huh?...
: ''[Rex turns around to see the girl missing from the crowd. Deforming his Punk Busters, he spots the girl riding away on her moped. She turns to look back at Rex, appearing to have on his goggles.]''
: '''Rex:''' Goggles!
: ''[Rex puts one of his hands up to signal for her to wait, but the EVO returns and wraps its tentacle around Rex's neck. The EVO twists Rex in mid-air in the sky for a minute before slamming him onto the cement. Rex gets up and sees the goggle girl riding away out of sight.]''
: '''Rex:''' Hey! You've got my...ungh...goggles... Aah! Ungh! Did you see that girl?! She stole my goggles!
: '''Agent Six:''' Priorities, Rex.
: '''Rex:''' They are my priority, Six. I can pound EVOs any day. Those goggles are-- Ah, great. Who invited her?
: '''Black Knight:''' Stand down, gentlemen. We've got this covered.
: '''Rex:''' We don't need any help. Whoa! Whoa! Ungh!
: '''Black Knight:''' Obviously. Control collar-- Now. We'll take it from here.
: '''Rex:''' Take it from whe-e-re?! I've already got this under contro-o-o-o-l! Whoa! Ugh! Let me try to cure it.
: '''Black Knight:''' The new Providence protocol is to confine, constrain and control. If curing is an option, it will be considered-- At my discretion.
: '''Rex:''' Control? I can cure it now and end this.
: '''Black Knight:''' The offer still stands. If you want to come back to Providence, you can continue your mission.
: '''Rex:''' I have my mission!
: '''Black Knight:''' Curing every EVO on Earth isn't a mission, Rex. It's an impossibility.
: '''Rex:''' Watch me.
: '''Black Knight:''' Everybody back! Contain those seedlings!
: '''Rex:''' You just made it worse! Now I've got to clean up your mess. Starting with this guy. See? Fearing works!
: '''Black Knight:''' It was your actions that exacerbated this situation. I want full containment and control over those seedlings. Move out-- Now.
: '''Agent Six:''' While you were arguing, Holiday found another sprout. Let's go deal with that before Providence does.
: '''Rex:''' But-- My goggles!
: '''Agent Six:''' Focus, Rex. We've got work to do.
: '''Rex:''' Nice work!
: '''Agent Six:''' Drop in the bucket. Look below.
: '''Rex:''' Wow. And I thought I'd be able to knock off early today.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' On the contrary, Rex. By overlaying current worldwide wind patterns on top of international population centers, we're looking at total global infestation within thirty-eight hours.
: '''Bobo:''' Ooh, that's a lot of roughage.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' I need to get in the field and obtain some live samples. Bobo and I will meet you at the rendezvous point in the mobile command center.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, doc. We're almost there. Hey! It's that girl! Wh-o-o-o-oa!
: '''Agent Six:''' What's gotten into you, Rex?
: '''Rex:''' My goggles-- I can't see without them!
: '''Agent Six:''' Obviously, you can see without them.
: '''Rex:''' Well, yeah, but I really need them a lot of the time. Don't you remember when I first got them?
: '''Agent Six:''' Actually, no.
: '''Rex:''' Oh. Sorry. My bad. It was early on, when I was just learning to control my powers. Whoa!
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Rex:''' Aaaah! Aah! Aaaaah! Oof!
: '''Agent Six:''' Horse manure.
: '''Rex:''' This is exactly why I need my goggles! Hey! I thought this thing was just a sprout!
: '''Agent Six:''' It's the nature of plants to grow.
: '''Rex:''' Hm. Very Zen of you, Six. Well, it's the nature of me to kick EVO butt! Whoa! Oof! Yuck! This stuff really stinks!
: '''Agent Six:''' All yours.
: '''Rex:''' Ta-da! And for my next trick... Oh, and look who's late to the party.
: '''Black Knight:''' ''[Entering]'' Alpha team, I want you to lay down suppressive fire and--
: ''[Realizing the EVOs not there]''
: '''Black Knight:''' Belay that. Sit Ops, I was told we had a Class-Three EVO situation here. Where is the EVO?
: '''Rex:''' ''[Rex hands her flowers]'' Sorry. This is all that's left. Six, are we good here? I've got to run.
: '''Agent Six:''' I'd put those in water.
: '''Black Knight:''' Unh!
: '''Rex:''' Slow down! I just want to-- Ungh!
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Rex:''' Huh? What?! No way! Hey! You've got my-- Ugh! Whoa! ...Goggles.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' You've got bigger problems than a girl on a scooter, Rex. First a flower shop, then gardening supplies. It's getting hungrier. Gentlemen, I suggest you get to the sewage-treatment plant as quickly as possible.
: '''Rex:''' Huh? Why?
: '''Agent Six:''' Fertilizer, Rex, as in if those sprouts chow down on that much raw nourishment, we're in some deep...
: ''[Plant EVO bursts through a nearby wall]''
: '''Rex:''' ...Horse maneure. Hungry? Eat this!
: '''Agent Six:''' Holiday, get to the sewage plant. We'll meet you there after we clean up.
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Clean up? I'd rather make a mess! Shoulda brought my chainsaw.
: '''Agent Six:''' Shoot the seedlings!
: '''Rex:''' Huh? Okay, this time I'm going to--
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Hey! Wait! Aw, man! Back off!
: ''[Rex panting]''
: '''Bobo:''' You went a little nuts there, buddy. I like it! But... Goggles?
: '''Rex:''' That EVO interrupted before I could finish the story.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Agent Six:''' Here, kid. Try these on.
: '''Rex:''' Um, so I can look like a total doofus?
: '''Agent Six:''' You have no idea how unique these goggles are, Rex. A reclusive weaponsmith in Zurich crafted this single pair before he turned EVO.
: '''Rex:''' Really? And then what happened to him?
: '''Agent Six:''' I did. He won't be crafting any more goggles.
: '''Rex:''' Cool!
: '''Agent Six:''' These are one-of-a-kind, Rex-- Special, for you.
: '''Bobo:''' What a bunch of chimp chips! Those goggles are-- Whoa!
: '''Rex:''' Wow. That is a lot of rampaging EVO.
: '''Bobo:''' Yeah. Lucky holiday-- She's right in the thick of it.
: '''Rex:''' Lucky?
: '''Bobo:''' She gets to try out all the special modifications I made to that sweet ride.
: ''[Dr. Holiday grunts]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[Plant EVO has Holiday trapped inside the Mobile Command Center]'' Okay. Let's see how you like 10,000 volts of--
: ''[Holiday presses a button, and music starts playing]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Bobo's mix tape?! Who puts the stereo next to the weapons system?! One more time-- Big red button. Always go for the big red button. Unless you don't want to drain the batteries to zero.
: ''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Bobo, your improvements could use some improvements. Rex, if you're not too busy, I'd appreciate a little assistance.
: '''Bobo:''' Hey, ain't that your girlfriend?
: '''Agent Six:''' She can take care of herself, right, Rex?
: '''Rex:''' Right-- For now.
: ''[Dr. Holiday gasps]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' That's more like it. Ungh! Fine! Let's see how you like this! I don't know what you just did, Rex, but thanks. Rex?
: '''Black Knight:''' I admit our last encounter didn't end well, but I think we need to work together on this one.
: '''Rex:''' You want to work together? We left Providence, remember?
: '''Black Knight:''' Rex--
: '''Rex:''' What happened to &quot;stay out of my way&quot;?
: '''Black Knight:''' Rex!
: '''Rex:''' So now when you need somebody to take out your trash, you can just forget that I quit your crummy organization?
: '''Black Knight:''' Yes, Rex, I can, because I don't let my emotions guide my choices. I only want what's best for Providence-- And the world.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, cool. Just wanted to hear you say it. Aah!
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, the EVO is too big to cure without getting to its core.
: '''Rex:''' Yeah, well, I'm not doing much good out here!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' All those vines, the seedlings, everything-- They're just puppets to the plant. Stop those nanites in the core, and you cut the strings.
: '''Rex:''' On it! Huh?!
: '''Agent Six:''' Watch it, Rex.
: '''Rex:''' Whoa! All I want are my goggles. All I've wanted all day are my goggles, and this EVOs been blocking me over and over! Hey, Bobo, you know how to shoot one of these?
: '''Bobo:''' Eh, how hard could it be?
: '''Rex:''' Load me into this thing and point it right at that EVO's sweet spot. And hurry. I got better stuff to do.
: '''Bobo:''' You do know that's 30,000 gallons of raw sewage you're aimin' at?
: '''Rex:''' Don't remind me. Oh... Yuck! Yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck!
: '''Agent Six:''' Elegant solution, Rex.
: '''Bobo:''' You don't smell elegant. You stink worse than me. I'm a little jealous.
: '''Black Knight:''' All right, Rex. Get to work.
: '''Rex:''' Work? What do you mean? I just served that vegetable!
: '''Black Knight:''' You cut the strings, but you still have to fix the puppets.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' She's right, Rex.
: '''Black Knight:''' You want to cure the world? Start curing.
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Rex:''' Whoa, man, I'm beat! I don't think I can move another inch if you paid me.
: ''[Goggle girl rides past him]''
: '''Rex:''' Gotta move! See ya! Hey! Stop for a second! Six, I'm really starting to think this girl's got some kind of EVO action going on-- Teleporter, speedster, something.
: '''Goggle girl:''' Hey!
: '''Rex:''' Huh? Six, she's not just a teleporter. She can make doubles of herself-- Multiple abilities! She's an EVO, like me!
: '''Goggle girl:''' It's the skeevy guy who's been chasing me. He was chasing me, too. And me. What do you want?
: '''Rex:''' You took my goggles! I want them back!
: '''Goggle girl:''' Hey, Einstein, did you see our logo? That stands for &quot;Goggle Girl&quot;, as in the delivery service. You haven't ever heard of us?
: '''Rex:''' Um... No.
: '''Goggle girl:''' &quot;Nothing is cuter than a girl on a scooter.&quot; Kind of hard to miss.
: ''[Goggle girl groans]''
: '''Goggle girl:''' It's the worst slogan ever.
: '''Rex:''' But-- But my goggles!
: '''Goggle girl:''' Part of our costume. The boss buys them in bulk, along with these cheesy wigs he makes us wear. It's kind of lame.
: '''Rex:''' In bulk?! Those goggles?! But... They're one-of-a-kind! They're special! They're-- They're... I'll just go now. Nope. Nope. Definitely not.
: '''Agent Six:''' I still don't know why those goggles were so important to you.
: '''Rex:''' You gave to me, Six. It was the first present, the first nice thing that I remember getting since you found me. You said they were special, and that made me feel special.
: '''Six:''' Yes, about those goggles... Apparently, according to Bobo, I may have misled you. There was dozens of them in the Providence service bay.
: '''Rex:''' I knew the story was fake, but you told it because you cared about me. That's what made them special.
: '''Agent Six:''' I see.
: '''Bobo:''' Hey, champ. You got a package.
: '''Goggle girl:''' Sign, please.
: '''Agent Six:''' It's for you. From us. Just open it.
: '''Rex:''' My goggles!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Better. We commissioned an enhanced version.
: '''Rex:''' Cool! Infrared... Microscopic... Nanovision?! Thanks, you guys. You really are one-of-a-kind.
: '''Bobo:''' Those are great, but these are me.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' I just need to hold on to them for a few more hours while I run a full diagnostic.
: '''Rex:''' A few hours?! I just got them! Aw!
: '''Bobo:''' Here-- Because I care.
: '''Goggle girl:''' They actually look kinda cute.
: '''Rex:''' Hey, doc! No rush!
: '''Bobo:''' Ain't love grand?

===Black and White===
: '''Calan:''' Be advised, we've got activity. Major activity. Stop right there, or we'll shoot! Don't make me do it.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, I know what you're thinking, but this is totally not what it looks like.
: '''Calan:''' Calan to command, tell Black Knight-- We have apprehended the intruders. Repeat, we got'em.
: '''Rex:''' No! Get out of my head! Stop it! Stop! Stop with the talking! A dream. Oh, thank you! For a second, I swore that I heard his voice. It was almost like he was in the-- Room. Huh?!
: '''White Knight:''' I was wondering if I was gonna have to send the monkey in with a bucket of water. But I thought, &quot;why should he have all the fun?&quot; Five minutes-- Situation room. Consider this your wake-up call.
: '''Rex:''' Aren't you supposed to be playing dead? You're lucky Black Knight doesn't know you're here.
: '''White Knight:''' Black Knight thinks what I want her to think. With the installation of the new regime, I suspected that there was more going on at providence than just this new control protocol. I decided to test my hypothesis. I needed time to operate freely without prying eyes. So I went off the grid.
: '''Rex:''' And from the smell of it, you haven't changed out of your suit since then.
: ''[Bobo sniffs]''
: '''White Knight:''' I've been busy. I've been tracking their operations. They involve familiar locales and even more familiar machinery.
: '''Rex:''' You still use a camera with film? Do they even make that stuff anymore?
: '''White Knight:''' What they don't make are machines like these. This is the wreckage of Rylander's lab.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Are they doing what I think they're doing?
: '''Rex:''' Do what?
: '''White Knight:''' It appears that this new Providence is restarting the nanite program.
: '''Rex:''' There is no way my brother would help restart something that nearly destroyed the world. There's got to be a good explanation. We should just ask him.
: '''White Knight:''' We can't risk direct contact. We need to infiltrate Providence, download her computer banks, and assess how far along they are before we take any other actions.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Over there.
: '''Rex:''' Just saying there's more here than meets the eye. Whoa!
: '''Six:''' Breaking into Providence? That's a big move, even for you. Black Knight is sure to have enhanced the security systems. We may be able to breach the perimeter defenses, but once inside, we'd be blind targets.
: '''White Knight:''' You'd be right if we were playing on her board.
: '''Six:''' Forgive me for doubting you.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, is someone gonna tell me what these are for? This is so not going to work.
: '''Six:''' Trust the plan.
: '''Rex:''' Huh? Okay, so, maybe they worked. But how'd you get them to do it on cue?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' All a matter of timing. Assuming we get past the outer perimeter, securing the data is a completely different story. Providence encrypts all data. We need to disable multiple units before we can download anything off the mainframe. Doing that undetected is ''[sighs]'' insane.
: '''Rex:''' Finally, a voice of reason. I'm calling my brother. Took the lady with three phds to realize what I've been saying all along is right. Hey, that costs money! I'm over my minutes!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' How did you... This is...
: '''Six:''' Doable.
: '''Rex:''' Do what? What is that? A secret passage.
: '''White Knight:''' When they built the tower, I had them install, these-- Upper-management corridors.
: '''Six:''' In the old days, they called passages like these the king's road.
: '''White Knight:''' From here, we face some unknowns. Stick to the plan. Or we could die.
: '''Rex:''' What?! Me?! What about you?! Part of the plan was to do this quietly.
: '''Calan:''' Stop right there, or we'll shoot!
: ''[Dr. Holiday gasps]''
: '''Rex:''' Here we go. Ok, I know what you're thinking, but this is totally not what it looks like.
: '''White Knight:''' Stand down, Rex.
: ''[Calan laughs]''
: '''Calan:''' Welcome back, sir. We've been waiting for you.
: '''Rex:''' Que, huh?
: '''Calan:''' Sorry for the scare, Rex. We couldn't guarantee the Black Knight wasn't taper our communications. It was best to keep radio silence. In any case-- Say hello to your man on the inside. He've got a bomb! All units, fall back, fall back! Captain Calan, do you copy? Report.
: '''White Knight:''' Ready for a repeate performance?
: '''Calan:''' Ready when you are, sir. Good luck, everyone. They're headed for the... petting zoo.
: '''Holiday:''' Here it is. Just like he said.
: '''White Knight:''' This is the Hive. The central nervous system of the entire complex. An electric field protects the inner chambers. We'll need the circuit bandage.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' I've got an idea, but you'll have to go in partially naked. We've got eyes everywhere.
: '''Six:''' Good. Knight and I will handle the encryption towers. You know what to do with this.
: '''Rex:''' No sweat. I'm on it. Just have to make one quick detour. Bro? You in here? Oh, no. No, no, no!
: '''Caesar:''' Rex, is that you? What brings you here?
: ''[Six groans]''
: '''Six:''' Partially naked. Tower one clear. Proceed to next phase.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Got it. Redirecting the data flow now.
: '''Calan:''' Anyone hear for the monkey?
: '''Rex:''' Huh?!
: '''Bobo:''' Offical pet desk. Keep your distance.
: '''Rex:''' Is that Dr. Rylander?
: '''Caesar:''' It is. Well, almost. After you brought back Van Kleiss, I couldn't help but to wonder if perhaps I might do the same for him. Unfortunately, Van Kleiss was already great in tune the nanites. As you can see, Dr. Rylander-- wasn't.
: '''Rex:''' Ok, whatever. Listen, I'm here on a secret mission.
: '''Caesar:''' Secret? 
: '''Rex:''' White Knight said--
: '''Caesar:''' White Knight is alive?
: '''Rex:''' If you can call him that. Anyway, he says... you might wanna sit down for this part? That Black Knight is restarting the nanite program. Don't you think that's messed up?
: '''Caesar:''' On the contrary. I'm in charge of it.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Commencing download in T-2 minutes. White Knight has infiltrated sector three. You're right. They are monitoring our movements. How did you know?
: '''White Knight:''' It's what I would do. Now start evac protocols.
: '''Black Knight:''' I've torn this facility apart looking for that? When I found it, I still couldn't get to it. Bio-feed security system-- Clever. You have to be nanite-free to open it. I guessed you weren't dead. I knew if I let enough info leak about what we're doing here, you've showed up, eventually. I'll take it.
: '''White Knight:''' You can try.
: '''Black Knight:''' What ever you say. You were the boss.
: '''White Knight:''' That's not a providence toy.
: '''Black Knight:''' A woman is entitled her secrets. Especially when those secrets keep me alive.
: ''[Black Knight grunts]''
: '''White Knight:''' Ohh! What I could've done with you if I hired you first.
: '''Black Knight:''' Don't fool yourself, White.
: '''White Knight:''' Ohh, ohh, ohh!
: '''Black Knight:''' You were bandage at best. the Consortium knew that you weren't the leader for the future. Stand down, old man!
: '''White Knight:''' I've got a few secrets of my own, kid. After all, this was my office. Consortium or not, it will be again.
: '''Black Knight:''' Ugh!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Be advised, they're on to us. Making for the rendezvous.
: '''Six:''' I'll take my swords back now. Please.
: '''Rex:''' What are you doing, helping Black Knight? She's obviously the more psycho of the two knights.
: '''Caesar:''' I'm not helping the Black Knight do anything. I'm trying to fix things. The day everything changed. We never imagined what would happen when we released the nanites.
: '''Rex:''' Release them?! You caused the nanite event?!
: '''Caesar:''' It was the only way we were going to save the world.
: '''Rex:''' You unleashed the worst man-made disaster the world has ever seen!! You've ruined countless lives!! How can you say that you saved anything?!
: '''Caesar:''' You weren't there... not in any way that mattered! If we hadn't--
: '''Rex:''' Hold that thought. Here, doggy, doggy.
: '''Six:''' Excessive?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Sweet, actually. Now you're overdoing it.
: '''White Knight:''' ''[panting]'' Are we finished here? ''[screams]'' Careful, Black. Your council wouldn't be too pleased if you destroyed the very thing you're after.
: '''Black Knight:''' If doesn't have to be like this, White! The Consortium may have lost faith in you, but you know my methods are right. Come back. Under my protection, who knows? There may even be a promotion in it for you.
: '''White Knight:''' You would turn on your own masters?
: '''Black Knight:''' For that kind of power, wouldn't you?
: '''White Knight:''' You would turn on your own masters?
: '''Black Knight:''' For that kind of power, wouldn't you?
: '''White Knight:''' I am going to stop the Consortium. If you or Providence gets in my way, this tape goes public.
: '''Black Knight:''' Wait!
: '''Caesar:''' Rex, stop! You're destroying my work!
: '''Rex:''' Your work is done! And so are we! I got it. Time to blow this--
: '''Black Knight:''' Stand down, Rex. Face it, kiddo... today is not your day.
: '''Rex:''' Actually, today's wednesday, and wednesday means fiesta night at the cafeteria. Getting in is going to be cake... very dangerous cake. Any bright ideas on how we're getting out?
: '''Bobo:''' I got one word for you, kid-- Plumbing.
: '''Rex:''' I got it. Time to blow this...
: '''Bobo:''' Taco stand.
: '''White Knight:''' Aah!
: '''Bobo:''' Me and Van Gogh, unappreciated in our time.
: '''Rex:''' All of that-- Was for that?! I got nanites, billions of 'em.
: '''White Knight:''' Not like this one, Rex. This is a Meta Nanite. One of several. Hardwired into its design is a program for the original Dominion Code.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Dominion Code? I thought that was a myth.
: '''White Knight:''' I can assure you, doctor, it is very real. Each one gives its host control over different building blocks of the universe- matter, antimatter, elemental, space, time, reality. With the complete code, you can control them. And through them, you control ''everything''. In sort, it's the God Code.
: '''Rex:''' The Consortium want to be...gods?
: '''White Knight:''' If it wasn't for the original Nanite Event scattering the Metas across the globe, they may have already succeeded. The situation has changed, people. Black Knight has been searching the globe for the other Meta-Nanites. She needs them all to complete the Master Program. As long as we're keeping her secret, she'll hold off. But sooner or later, she'll be coming for this with the full power of Providence and the Consortium at her back. So... if you want to move on, forget what I've told you.
: '''Rex:''' You're not getting rid of us that easily, old man. My parents died for this. Black Knight wants war, war she gets.

===Deadzone===
: '''Holiday:''' &quot;You cannot let him out of your sight, Rex. Don't you see why Black Knight wants him? He's the ultimate insurance against any E.V.O.&quot;
: '''Rex:''' &quot;Not just any. Me.&quot;
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Black Knight:''' &quot;Since the search for Feakins is going nowhere, we have no choice but to become much more aggressive with Rex.&quot;

===Assault on Abysus===
: '''Diane Farrah:''' Through research and hard work, Providence has turned the curse of the EVO into a blessing. One that will serve mankind. Science and compassion have created a new future for all EVOs. A future filled with happiness and hope.
: '''Black Pawn:''' You? Seen some EVOs pass through here?
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
*Rex and Circe finally admit their true feelings for one another. Unfortunately, there was not enough episodes to explore their romance further.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: ''[Somewhere in [[w:Hong Kong|Hong Kong, China]]'']''
: '''Circe:''' Okay. They're gone.
: '''Skywwd:''' For now. Get out of here, Circe. Run!
: '''Circe:''' I'm not leaving you guys.
: '''Skywwd:''' You can pass as human. Go before Providence gets you too! 
: '''Black Pawn:''' The girl! She's with them!
: '''Skwwyd:''' Run!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' What's up?
: '''Circe:''' You're the only person I could turn to.
: '''Rex:''' Circe?
: '''Circe:''' I don't know. That's the hardest part.
: '''Rex:''' You did what you had to do.
: '''Circe:''' I left them there, Rex. Our friends. Providence has to be stopped. Someone needs to do something.
: '''Rex:''' ''[puts his arms around Circe to comfort her]'' We are.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Am I disturbing you two?
: '''Rex:''' No.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' White Knight wants to talk with you.
: '''Rex:''' Ugh. What's he gonna yell at me for this time?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' No, I meant Circe. He wants to talk to her.
: '''Circe:''' Providence has been hunting these down, too?
: '''White Knight:''' You didn't tell her about them, Rex?
: '''Rex:''' I thought the Master Control Nanites were supposed to be top secret.
: '''White Knight:''' She has to know if she's going to lead the mission.
: '''Rex:''' Her? That was supposed to be my mission.
: '''White Knight:''' It's no one's mission. It's about getting the job done.
: '''Circe:''' Why me?
: '''White Knight:''' Intelligence indicates that Providence has targeted a Master Control Nanite in Abysus. In Van Kleiss' old castle, to be more precise. You're the only one with the knowledge to get us in there.
: '''Rex:''' I've been there before. How hard could it be? Circe, you don't have to.
: '''Circe:''' If it helps stop Black Knight in Providence, I'm in.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, Doc. We made it. The new power suit gave me more range, just like you said.
: '''Circe:''' Thanks, Banak. We're trying to keep a low profile. Don't tell anyone, okay?
: '''Rex:''' Good thing you knew the secret whistle or we might have been rooting around forever. Get it? Root? Uh... This can't be easy coming back here. I owe you.
: '''Circe:''' Forget it. We're even. I used you in the past, now you and your friends are using me.
: '''Rex:''' Is there some sort of problem between you and me?
: '''Circe:''' There's nothing between you and me. Just the mission. I don't have good memories of this place. Let's just leave it at that, okay?
: '''Rex:''' Fine. I'm surprised we haven't run into-- Ugh!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' I have a plan. Lead them back.
: '''Circe:''' ''[concerned]'' Rex?
: '''Rex:''' When I say &quot;roll,&quot; roll.
: '''Circe:''' What?
: '''Rex:''' Roll!! Circe, sing. 
: ''[Circe uses her ultrasonic blasts on the EVOs and beams at Rex.]''
: '''Rex:''' We always made a good team.
: '''Circe:''' It won't hold them for long.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' Go. I'll get the Master-Control Nanite. ''[Notices how worried Circe is about him probably not returning]'' This isn't Hong Kong. I'll be OK. I'll meet up with you soon.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Biowulf:''' They're turned out own people against us.
: '''Circe:''' Let me see what I can do. (''Uses her ultrasonic bursts on several collared E.V.O.S''). So many.
: '''Biowulf:''' You can't stop them once they're collared.
: '''Circe:''' I can go down trying!
: '''Black Pawn:''' Her sonics are disrupting the offensive.
: '''Biowulf:''' If can't win, we'll take down as many as we can fighting.
: '''Circe:''' This isn't one battle, it's a war. And we can't let it end here before Rex has the Master-Control Nanite.
: '''Biowulf:''' What then?
: '''Circe:''' Tactical retreat.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' Providence goons are contained Biowulf. They shouldn't be a problem. And I got the Master-Control Nanite. Looks like mission accomplished.
: '''Circe:''' Rex, I... 
:(''she and Rex cling to each other as the castle begins shaking'')
: '''Black Knight:''' Rex, order your friends to surrender. You're all under Providence custody. I knew it would be impossible to get the nanite from the heart of the original nanite infestation. So the solution was to remove it.
: '''Circe:''' It's Hong Kong all over again.
: '''Rex:''' No. We'll sneak about back...and then...And then.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' &quot;They were counting on me. I don't want to leave them!&quot;
: '''Circe:''' &quot;I did what I had to do. You do what you have to. But I only want you to know: 
: All of this was ''never'' about me just using you.&quot;
:(''Finally admits her true romantic feelings for Rex in the form of a passionate kiss. She then pushes a shocked Rex off the ledge, so he could escape; and her getting collared and captured in his stead. She smiled with tears in her eyes, with the promise that she would be okay.'')
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex''' (''burdened by Circe admitting her intense love for him and sacrifice'')''':''' ''We all make sacrifices for the things we care about; the people we love. But when the stakes are this high, who can we trust? What would that power do to anyone who had it?''

===Remote Control===
: '''Cricket:''' If you think we're going to thank you for getting us out of there, Quarry...
: '''Quarry:''' I think you're going to do exactly as I say.
: (''Activates the mind-control collar on her neck'')
: '''Cricket:''' AH!!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' Cricket, it's me! Rex! Used to a crush on me!?
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' Let them go. They'll lead us straight to Quarry.
: '''Cricket:''' &quot;Used to have a crush&quot;?
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Cricket:''' You know how collared E.V.O.s follow kind of like a robot. with these collars, it's worse. It's like you're a remote-controlled robot.
: '''Rex:''' That is a nasty hack.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Quarry:''' Your friends are very valuable to me as are you.
: '''Rex:''' Like the new look- strapping.
: '''Quarry:''' Let's just say I had to find a way to &quot;keep it together&quot; after my visit to Abyuss. Just one more thing you owe me for and you know how much I like a balanced book.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Quarry:''' You'll be the crown jewel of my E.V.O. army, Rex. I may just make you my own personal slave.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Quarry:''' That collar suits you, Rex. Wish I had one for you back in the old days. Would've saved me a lot of trouble.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' The arcade- all those kids.
: '''Quarry:''' those brats were born to play games, which is what they think their doing. And I have your people to thank for the tech. That brother of yours is quite the wiz kid.
: '''Rex:''' Caesar would never...
: '''Cricket:''' Forget about Caesar, Rex! You know what you got to do!
: '''Rex:''' These guys will shred you if I leave!
: '''Tuck:''' We got this, Rex! Go!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Quarry:''' Consider the fact that you made me like this while I'm crushing you.

===A Brief History of Time===
: '''Van Kleiss:''' 4.000 years from my destination, and I've run out of of time. I've scarcely completed the vessel which shall deliver me to my own era. Gharun-Set, activate the traps-- Quickly! My greatest creation-- So useful to me, but too dangerous to roam free. If only I had time to destroy him, as I should. But I have a more pressing death I must prevent. My own. AAAAAAAAAAAH!
: '''Rex:''' Kind of defeating the whole stealth element of a stealth suit, Bobo.
: '''Bobo:''' Hey, now was I supposed to know that ghanoush went bad?
: '''Rex:''' Maybe because you found it in a garbage can.
: '''Bobo:''' On top of a garbage can.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Holiday to Rex. Are you at the site?
: '''Rex:''' There is not site, remember? Black Knight blew the pace to kingdom come.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Yet it's still guarded. And thanks to the data you stole from Providence, we know why.
: '''Rex:''' Van Kleiss back in time? I still find it hard to believe.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' You were sent six months into the future, Rex. It stands to reason that the reverse is possible.
: '''Rex:''' Well, if you expect to find him here, maybe we should check the mummy museum. We're sensing nanites-- Definitely V.K.'s. They've been dead a long time.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Over 4,000 years. I'm also detecting tachyons-- Quantum particles that travel in time. I think it's clear what he was making.
: '''Bobo:''' A latrine?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' A time machine.
: '''Rex:''' No way he pulled it off! If mister ego made it back to here and now, we'd know about it.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Some of these nanites are considerably younger. That means he was there in two different time periods.
: '''Rex:''' Time travel gives me a headache. Just tell me-- Where is he now?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' The more accurate question is, when is he?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' AAAAAAH!
: ''[Van Kleiss gasping]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Ugh! The ordeal is... draining. But now, back in my own time, I can replenish my nanite reserves and--
: '''Gladiator #1:''' Quis es tu?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I recognize the language, of course-- Classical latin. Qui-- Q-Qui annus est?
: '''Gladiator #1:''' What year is it? You dare question a captain of the imperial guard? Aegyptus is a roman Providence! Answer! Who are you?
: '''Gladiator #2:''' Don't bother-- He's clearly sun-mad.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' The dialect, the dress-- This is the second century A.D. A mere 2,000 years has passed. I'm only halfway home!
: '''Gladiator #1:''' Another escaped slave. Finish him and be done with it.
: ''[Gladiator #2 grunts]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' It was all the fight I could muster. I had no way to replace the nanites I'd spent in the journey, and my gauntlet had yet to recharge those that remained.
: '''Gladiator #2:''' This one shows spirit. He'll bring a good price in the arena.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' OOMPH!
: ''[Van Kleiss groans]''
: '''Gladiator #2:''' Save your strength.
: '''Gladiator #3:''' Where you're going, you'll need it.
: ''[Van Kleiss slurps]''
: ''[Van Kleiss gulps]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I intend to. Of the mysterious force, there is no sign. Yet I sense it is close-- Pursuing me even across the centuries. I am convinced it is a manifestation of time itself. My presence is a violation of physics-- An imbalance which the time stream seeks to correct... By wiping me from existence. But of this, I am certain-- If I do not return to my own time, it will surely destroy me.
: '''Gladiator #1:''' You are fortunate, slave. To die in the arena is a great honor.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' An honor I look forward to bestowing.
: ''[Gladiator #1 laughs]''
: '''Gladiator #1:''' You see? Spirit!
: ''[Van Kleiss groans]''
: '''Gladiator #3:''' Put on a good show, little man, and I promise to make your end a painless one.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Indeed?
: ''[Gladiator #3 grunts]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I, on the other hand, make no such promise.
: ''[Gladiator #3 grunting]''
: ''[Van Kleiss grunting]''
: '''Gladiator #3:''' AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
: ''[Gladiator #3 groans]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' One against so many? Hardly seems fair. For them.
: '''Gladiator #4:''' ARRRGHHHH!
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Ordinarily, I'd say &quot;take me to your leader,&quot; but I believe he's already here.
: '''Septimius Severus:''' Great warrior... Never have I seen such a battle. I am...
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Septimius Severus, 21st emperor of Rome, founder of the severan dynasty. And, as I recall, you poisoned your own commanding officer to get his position... And wear only boots to conceal a prodigious clubfoot.
: '''Septimius Severus:''' Are you a man... Or a God?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I find both labels rather limiting. Now, then, you are going to give me whatever I require, starting with a quiet place to work. I, in return, shall ensure the growth and security of your reign as emperor. You may call me Van Kleiss.
: '''Septimius Severus:''' Whatever your desire, great Vanklios.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Actually, it's... Got a rather nice ring.
: '''Rex:''' What's with this guy? Gets a portrait done in every time period?
: '''Bobo:''' Mm. ''[muffled]'' Truly a nutjob for the ages. Mm. Speaking of nuts... Want some?
: '''Rex:''' You've been dumpster-diving again?
: '''Bobo:''' I prefer &quot;foraging.&quot;
: '''Rex:''' Yeah. Nice sleuthing there, doc.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Nanites decay at a measurable half-life. I set our sat-net to do a global scan for the same frequency-- Ergo, Rome.
: '''Rex:''' Great. You scan for the next stop, we'll grab a pizza.
: '''Bobo:''' Pass. I'm experiencing inexpicable gastric distress.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, it would take months to scan the entire spectrum. You need to find the next decay frequency.
: '''Rex:''' Kind of like nanite connect-the-dots! Can I do it with someone else?
: '''Bobo:''' Hey, quiet, you! Rah!
: '''Rex:''' This goose chase just got a little wilder. My brother's here.
: '''Caesar:''' Caesar to Black. We've detected paleo-nanites. Tachyon readings negative. We're moving to the next hot stop.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Tachyons-- They want Van Kleiss' time machine. Follow them.
: '''Rex:''' Come on.
: '''Bobo:''' Can you give me a teeny sec? I gotta find the little gladiators' room.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Advances in the last two millenia have allowed me to complete my lab in weeks instead of months. Restrict the flow! Do you want to overload the power cells? Meanwhile, my own nanite supply continues to dwindle.
: ''[Septimius Severus panting]''
: '''Septimius Severus:''' Great Vanklios, protect me!
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I've divulged metallurgy and tactics beyond your day. No man may threaten your rule. : '''Septimius Severus:''' This is no man... But an apparition!
: ''[Septimius Severus grunts]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' What apparition? Speak, parasite!
: '''Septimius Severus:''' A spirit of doom! Numerous sightings-- The insulare, the rostra, the forum. Listen! It comes! It comes!
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Fool. It only wants me.
: '''Septimius Severus:''' Ugh!
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I release you. Go start a few legends.
: '''Septimius Severus:''' NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
: ''[Septimius Severus gasps]''
: '''Septimius Severus:''' Be gone! I beg of you! Aah!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, those stress lines-- It's the same pattern we saw in Egypt.
: '''Black Knight:''' Report.
: '''Caesar:''' These aqueducts are truly marvels of roman engineering.
: '''Black Knight:''' Have you picked up the next decay frequency?
: '''Caesar:''' Oh-- That. Yes. Uplinking to our global net. Odd. These tachyons seems unrelated to--
: '''Black Knight:''' We have the next target. Scandinavia. Move out. White Knight may have people on the trail. I expect you to do whatever it takes to procure the objective.
: '''Rex:''' Shh!
: '''Caesar:''' I've initiated the same steps as in Egypt! Come along.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, we need that decay frequency.
: '''Rex:''' Just one small problem, doc. This place... is toast.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex? Bobo? Respond!
: '''Rex:''' We're okay, doc. Not a mark on us.
: '''Bobo:''' Same can't be said for my stealth suit. Whoa!
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: ''[Rex and Bobo gasps]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' So many lives... It's become a blur. I don't know who I am anymore. Only that I must sail onward, ever onwoard down the river of time. Never resting, always moving. Further draining my nanite reserves beyond my ability to replenish. And each re-emergence, I am pursued by the nameless force. I now know it's personal. I am a virus-- An infection of space-time. Call it what you like. This is time's antibody. Whether I can borne home or drowned in its currents, this is my final journey.
: '''Rex:''' Hurry! I'm not sure if we here followed.
: '''Bobo:''' I'm sure.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Don't shoot! It's me.
: '''Rex:''' Holiday? Shouldn't you be at the plant, connecting the dots?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' No more dots to connect. The trail ends here. And... I'm reading a humanoid form inside.
: '''Rex:''' I'm confused. Is it a time machine or isn't it?
: '''Caesar:''' It's not a time machine. Are those really necessary?
: '''Rex:''' No way you're getting this time machine, bro!
: '''Caesar:''' I don't want it. And it's not a time machine.
: '''Bobo:''' Well, then, what is it? A meat locker for cold cuts?
: '''Caesar:''' Surprisingly close. We use this technique to transfer unstable nanites. It puts them into a state of dormancy.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Of course. It's a hibernation chamber.
: '''Caesar:''' Only his nanites were dormant. There would still be neuron flow.
: '''Rex:''' Mind telling me what that means, exactly?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' He was... Aware. The whole time, for hundreds of years.
: '''Caesar:''' He would have felt every minute pass.
: '''Rex:''' No way! He's totally a mummy!
: '''Rex and Bobo:''' Wah!
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Run! It's coming! It's coming?!
: '''Rex and Bobo:''' Wah!
: '''Rex:''' Easy, easy, Van Kleiss. You're back-- Back in your own time.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' No! No, it'll find me! It always does! You must protect me.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Tachyon readings off the chart! Rex, you can't affect that thing. I don't know what can.
: '''Caesar:''' It's a field of pure tachyons. I've got to get a sample.
: '''Rex:''' Oh, no, you don't!
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I'm back! Back in my own time! You shall not have me?! OHHHH!
: '''Bobo:''' Settle down, Van Winkle.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Rex shudders]''
: '''Rex:''' Oh, no. It couldn't be. I need some way to contain it!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Tachyons can't be contained!
: '''Caesar:''' Yes, they can. Rex!
: ''[Caesar grunts]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, it's too risky!
: '''Rex:''' But I know what this is. Correction-- I know who this is.
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Rex:''' Aah!
: ''[Rex groaning]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' It's... Breach.
: '''Rex:''' Breach. Breach! It's me-- Rex.
: '''Breach:''' Rex? Are you real... Or a dream?
: ''[Rex laughs]''
: '''Rex:''' Yeah, yeah, I'm-- I'm real.
: '''Breach:''' I was everywhere-- Everywhen. But I was nothing-- An emptiness, needing to be filled.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' The amp pack. Van Kleiss controlled it. When his nanites were active, Breach was drawn into his timeframe.
: ''[Van Kleiss grunts]''
: '''Caesar:''' The final joining would have destroyed them both.
: '''Breach:''' Guess I should say thanks.
: '''Rex:''' Hey, what are friends for? Um, we are still friends... Right?
: '''Caesar:''' You did well, little bro.
: '''Rex:''' And you have your time machine that... isn't a time machine. Everybody goes home happy.
: '''Caesar:''' That? A curiosity-- True. But it was never our goal.
: ''[Van Kleiss shivering]''
: ''[Van Kleiss chuckles]''
: '''Rex:''' Van Kleiss?! All this for him? what, they're gonna put him in jail?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' It's Providence, Rex. That's their jurisdiction.
: '''Caesar:''' No need to worry, little brother. He's going to be well supervised.
: '''Rex:''' Caesar, what is going on!?
: '''Caesar:''' Justice.
: '''Bobo:''' Two words-- Crème Brûlée. Ooh. Right after I make a french connection.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Ugh!
: '''Black Knight:''' Welcome back, Van Kleiss. You look terrible. Ordinarily, I'd say get some rest, but you've had enough of that, I suppose.
: ''[Van Kleiss chuckles]''
: '''Black Knight:''' Pull it together. We have work to do. Do you know who I am?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Yes. I know who you are. It's been a long time. A very, very long time.

===Mind Games===
: '''Rex''': Yeah, I wouldn't be so sure of that.
: '''Six''': I told you not to get involved, Rex. You're not at full strength.
: '''Rex''': What was I supposed to do... Just leave it?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Six has a point, Rex. You're pushed to the edge lately. You can't see everyone.
: '''Rex''': Not listening! Don't worry, dude. I'll have you out of here before you can say... Circe?!
: '''Circe''': Hey, Rex. Rex! Aaaah!
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Rex! Rex, do you read? What's going on? Your bios are low.
: '''Rex''': Leave her alone! You okay? 
: '''Circe''': I think so. We have to go.
: '''Rex''': Think that's your cue. Hang on. I think I got it. Ow! Hate this things.
: '''Circe''': Try wearing one.
: '''Rex''': I have. So, what happened? I thought providence had you at abysus.
: '''Circe''': I got away.
: '''Rex''': What about the pack?
: '''Circe''': The pack? I... don't know. Things are bad out there, Rex. I've been on the run for weeks. providence has been stepping up their capture orders. I think something big is going down.
: '''Rex''': Tell me about it. Listen, I know we're gonna want to say no, but with everything that's going on...
: '''Circe''': I should stay at the plant. It's safer, right?
: '''Rex''': Wow, that was... easy. I had a whole speech and everything.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Well, everything checks out. You're the picture of health. I wish you'd let me do some more thorough scans, through.
: '''Six''': How was it you said you got away?
: '''Circe''': It's a long story. You guys have bigger things to worry about than me... like the meta-nanites. Did you get the one from abysus? Have you found anymore?
: '''Rex''': Ugh, who cares? Let's go do something fun. You want to put Bobo' hand in shaving cream?
: '''Circe''': ''[Yawns]'' Actually, Rex, I'm kind of tired. I thing I might just crash if that's cool.
: '''Rex''': Oh... yeah. Stupid of me. You, uh, get some sleep. Hey, Doc. What are you doing?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Rex. I was just... working. What are you doing up?
: '''Rex''': Ah, it's... stupid.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Yeah, probably. But... go ahead.
: '''Rex''': I'm... excited. Since I got breached, everything's been so crazy.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Since you got breached? Right.
: '''Rex''': But with Circe back, I'm starting to think maybe things will turn out okay.
: '''White Knight''': I need everyone in the situation room in five minutes.
: '''Rex''': So much for that.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': ''[Yawns]'' What'd I miss?
: '''Rex''': Wow, Doc. You sure got comfy quick.
: '''White Knight''': Listen up, people. We need to retrieve a valuable asset before it falls into enemy hands.
: '''Six''': What's the objective?
: '''White Knight''': This man... Dr. Peter Meechum.
: '''Rex''': That guy? I remember him. Van crazy kiddnaped his daughter.
: '''White Knight''': Meechum spent the last year at a safehouse facility... Codename: Pandora's Box... location know only to me.
: '''Rex''': Why all the cloak and dagger?
: '''White Knight''': Because Meechum was one of the original scientists on the nanite project. He was given a panic button in case of emergency. 30 minutes ago... he activated it.
: '''Six''': providence?
: '''White Knight''': We have to assume they're trying to assemble the original members of the nanite project. What Meechum knows is too valuable to fall into the wrong hands, so go get him.
: '''Six''': Maybe Circe should stay here.
: '''Rex''': What? Why?
: '''Six''': She's not on the team yet... not officialy.
: '''White Knight''': Take her. She'll be useful in the field.
: '''Rex''': Ahem. You guys forget you key? Did you check under the mat?
: '''Six''': Rex, focus on the mission. Get to Meechum!
: '''Rex''': Relax, Six. I could take these guys in my sleep, especially with help from... Huh? Circe? Uh... Time-out?
: '''Six''': Peter Meechum, you need to come with us.
: '''Dl. Meechum''': ''[Scoffs]'' Took you long enough.
: '''Rex''': Time in.
: '''White Knight''': Still no sign of Circe, Rex. We'll keep looking, but for right now, Meechum is our top priority.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': We'll find her, Rex. Don't worry.
: '''White Knight''': In the meantime, Dr. Meechum, I've checked, and your daughter is safe at her boarding school in England.
: '''Dl. Meechum''': My daughter. Right.
: '''White Knight''': We can make immediate arrangements to take you to her.
: '''Dl. Meechum''': No, I'd rather stay with you if that's all right. It's, uh... It's safer.
: '''White Knight''': Of course. White Knight out.
: '''Rex''': So, after that, providence attacked abysus to get the master control nanite. Guess you were next on their list.
: '''Dl. Meechum''': I see. And all this happened in the last year?
: '''Six''': You've missed a lot since you've been away, doctor.
: '''Dl. Meechum''': Horrible. I could never work for a providence like that. I have to say it's all very impressive. providence has certainly done a lot in the last year.
: '''Caesar''': And with your help, doctor, we can do more.
: '''Dl. Meechum''': Where's White Knight? I should tell him I've arrived.
: '''Black Knight''': I can answer that for you. It's good to have you back, doctor.
: '''Dl. Meechum''': What happened to White?
: '''Black Knight''': Just a routine change in command. Nothing to worry about. If you'll excuse me, gentlemen.
: '''Dl. Meechum''': Tell me you have my money ready.
: '''Black Knight''': You get away you want when I get what I want... Not before.
: '''Dl. Meechum''': Relax.
: '''Six''': I'm a professional, aren't I?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Six, see Meechum? I have some data I'd like to go over with him. Are you... okay?
: '''Six''': Rebecca, I have something important to tell you.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Okay. Well... Thanks for tell me.
: '''Six''': Rex, are you in here? I do not understand this show.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Am I interrupting?
: '''Six''': Not at all. What can I do for you?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Nothing important. I just wanted to say... earlier... that was nice. Unexpected but nice. 
: '''Six''': Earlier?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': In the lab?
: '''Six''': I have no idea what you're talking about.
: ''[Dr. Holiday scoffs]''
: '''Rex''': Six, I need to talk to you about Circe. Uh... Six? Earth to agent guy. You okay?
: '''Six''': I'm fine. I've just decided not to waste any more time on you, Rex.
: '''Rex''': Um... Is this because I accidentaly used your swords to slice a pizza?
: '''Six''': It's because you're weak. You don't have what it takes to complete the mission.
: '''Rex''': Ohh, I get it. This is one of your test, right?
: '''Six''': No test. Just me coming to my senses. You're not strong enough to survive what's coming. In the end, you're gonna let us all down.
: ''[Dr. Holiday crying]''
: '''Rex''': Doc? What's wrong?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': I-It's nothing, Rex. I didn't want you to see me like this.
: '''Rex''': Well, what is it?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': ''[Sobbing]'' It's Six. I'm afraid of him.
: '''Rex''': What?! That's crazy talk.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Is it? You have to have seen it. He's violent, on edge. He's losing control.
: '''Rex''': Are we talking about the same Six?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': We don't even known him. He was a killer, Rex. The old Six might have changed, but how do we know this Six didn't come back... Wrong?
: '''Dr. Meechum''': ''[Whistling]'' I have a question. How do you plan to re-create the project without a bio-interface expert?
: '''Caesar''': Oh, but we do have one.
: '''Van Kleiss''': No! The string doesn't work. Gordian knot, tied up tight. Alexander cheated. Can't cheat. Eyes on your own paper! Peter? No! Can't be! Different time, different me.
: '''Dr. Meechum''': Van Kleiss? You brought back that monster?
: '''Caesar''': Of course. He was the original interface programmer. Who better?
: '''Dr. Meechum''': Excuse me a moment. White, what the heck is going on?!
: '''White Knight''': Peter? Where are you?
: '''Dr. Meechum''': I'm at providence. Where are you?
: '''White Knight''': Providence. But that's not... I have to go. We have a problem.
: '''Rex''': You're darn right we have a problem, because this isn't Peter Meechum!
: ''[Dr. Meechum laughing maniacally]''
: '''Scarecrow''': Heya, Rex. Miss me?
: '''Rex''': Who are you? Where's Meechum?
: '''White Knight''': His name's John Scarecrow. He's an EVO, specialist in infiltration. Black Knight played us.
: '''Scarecrow''': You really don't remember me, Rex? I'll give you a hint. We used to share a stomping ground. We had a problem with a shapes hifter once.
: '''Rex''': You were in Hong Kong.
: '''Scarecrow''': Give the man a prize.
: ''[Scarecrow laughs]''
: '''Six''': I think he went that way.
: '''Rex''': Wait a minute.
: ''[Rex groans]''
: ''[Scarecrow laughs]''
: '''Rex''': I cannot believe I fell for that.
: '''Scarecrow''': Look at you. You're ridiculous. You think he'll come to his senses, realize his true feelings? Then what? You'll settle down. White picket fence. Little agent kids. You're fooling yourself. You're the worst of them... you know that?...  Because you know better. You really think you can save the world? None of you can survive what's coming!
: '''Rex''': Prove it's really you. What's my favorite color?
: '''Six''': I have no idea.
: '''Rex''': It's you, all right.
: ''[Dr. Holiday screaming]''
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Put it away. I'm not the EVO.
: '''Six''': We heard you scream.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': That wasn't me.
: '''Six''': Let's all calm down. We can figure this out.
: '''Rex''': Why, Six? Because I'm weak? You don't think I can handle this?
: '''Six''': I never said that.
: '''Rex''': But you think it, right? I don't see you putting down your guns, doc.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': I know it's not me. I'm not sure about you two.
: ''[Scarecrow laughs]''
: '''Scarecrow''': So easy. I barely had to nudge you.
: '''Rex''': Whatever you're after, you're not getting away with it.
: '''Scarecrow''': Get away with it?! Re-e-e-x, I got what I needed in the first five minutes.
: '''Rex''': Then why? Why do all this?
: '''Scarecrow''': Simple. I wanted to do to you what you did to me.
: '''Rex''': I'm done with you!
: ''[Scarecrow groans]''
: '''Scarecrow''': The big hero. Why do you get to forget? It's not fair!
: '''Rex''': Whine, whine, whine. What... you didn't get enough crazy hugs as a kid?
: '''Scarecrow''': You think I'm the only one you hurt? Then tell me...
: '''Sqwydd''': What about us? Why'd you betray me? 
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: '''Scarecrow:''' ''[as Circe]'' You promised to protect me, Rex! Where were you?
: '''Rex:''' Stop it!
: ''[Rex groans]''
: ''[Rex breathing heavily]''
: '''Caesar''': Face it, bro. It's why I left you. Mom and dad, too.
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Rex''': You are your own worst enemy.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': That's for Rex. That's for providence. And that was for the kiss.
: '''White Knight''': Providence won this round. No question.
: '''Rex''': They have the real Meechum. Maybe more.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': There's no telling how much of our system Scarecrow uploaded.
: '''Six''': But we have to assume they know everything we do.
: ''[Scarecrow laughs evilly]''
: '''White Knight''': Black Knight is coming for us. It's just a matter of time.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': So? I mean, we knew that. Nothing's changed, right?
: '''Six''': Rex, this is what they wanted... to turn us against each other.
: '''Rex''': Yeah, and look how easy it was. We thought we were a team, but we're not. We're vulnerable.
: '''Van Kleiss''': It's Heisenberg's uncertainty principle. Looking past Occam's Razor, we can clearly see to a quantum level. A quantum level is what I'm trying to achieve, because if I didn't do the quantum level, then I can understand what's happening.
: '''Caesar''': I know you don't like this, but it's not about us.
: '''Dr. Meechum''': Can you do it? Can you control him?
: '''Caesar''': Leave Van Kleiss to me.
: '''Dr. Meechum''': What about Black Knight? I don't like her, Salazar. Never did.
: '''Caesar''': Trust me, Peter... When we're finished, the end will justify the means.

===Hermanos===
:'''Rex Salazar''': WH-O-O-O-OA! Unh! Ugh!
:''[Rex sighs]''
:'''Agent Six''': Be careful, Rex.
:'''Rex Salazar''': I'm touched by your concern, Six.
:'''Agent Six''': It's not for you. We don't have Providence to pick up the tab anymore. You break it, you buy it.
:''[Rex growls]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': I'm saving the day here. What are they gonna do--Sue me? Oh, come on! It was a rhetorical question! What was I supposed to do? The whole building was made of glass!
:'''Lawyer''': ''[Hispanic accent]'' Glass? What are you talking about?
:'''Rex Salazar''': I'm... not talking about anything. What are you talking about?
:'''Lawyer''': Mr. Salazar, I'm an associate at the stateside branch of the Argentinean firm Gomez and Gomez. And today, sir, is your lucky day!
:'''Rex Salazar''': What's this?
:'''Lawyer''': It's yours!
:'''Noah Nixon''': No away! This is your house?
:'''Rex Salazar''': I know! According to the lawyer guy, this rancho in Argentina's been in my family forever. And ever since my parents died in the event, those lawyers have been trying to track down the heir. And guess who that is.
:'''Noah Nixon''': You and your brother?
:'''Rex Salazar''': Oh, yeah, right. Him too.
:'''Caesar Salazar''': Not a good time, Rex.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Dude, it's never a good time, but you go to-- O...kay, so maybe this really isn't a good time, but this is important. I was being chased by a lawyer. No, I wasn't being sued this time. But you'll never guess what he--
:'''Caesar Salazar''': Is this about the rancho?
:'''Rex Salazar''': You know about it?
:'''Caesar Salazar''': Those lawyers have left me a dozen messages.
:'''Rex Salazar''': And you didn't tell me? Caesar, I never even knew we had this place! There might be photo albums, home movies-- I don't know-- maybe even an old teddy bear or something.
:'''Caesar Salazar''': You never had a teddy bear.
:'''Rex Salazar''': See, the fact that you know that and I don't-- that's why we need to go down there.
:'''Lawyer''': Clear!
:'''Caesar Salazar''': I can't, Rex. My work's already been interrupted once today. Although... Now that you mention the ranch, it does bring back some memories.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Really? Like what?
:'''Caesar Salazar''': There was an experiment I remember mom and dad running. If you could find the notes, it might save some time on the work I'm doing now.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Notes? Come on. Isn't family more important than-- Guess not.
:''[Rex sighs]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Why can't I have a normal brother? Know anything about cows? Thanks for coming with me. This is really a family thing, but my brother is, well-- My brother. 
:'''Noah Nixon''': Are you kidding? I'm psyched! I've been killing myself trying to find a birthday present for Claire. A vacation at my best friend's awesome ancestral estate? What other guy could offer her that?
:'''Rex Salazar''': Okay, but then why bring Annie?
:'''Annie''': Um, this just kind of broke off.
:''[Annie, Claire and Noah screaming]''
:'''Noah Nixon''': AAAAAAH!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': I sure hope this isn't included in Six's &quot;You break it, you buy it&quot; policy.
:'''Annie''': Sorry.
:'''Rex Salazar''': No problem. We're here.
:'''Claire Bowman''': Are... you sure this is the place?
:'''Noah Nixon''': What happened to it?
:'''Annie''': Hey, don't look at me. I just got there.
:''[Annie gasps]''
:'''Annie''': Okay, that was me.
:'''Rex Salazar''': I guess this must be my... family.
:'''Claire Bowman''': Looks like you-- But with a 'stache.
:'''Annie''': I like you with a 'stache.
:'''Claire Bowman''': Hey, there are chickens in here!
:'''Annie''': And llamas!
:'''Noah Nixon''': Chicken, llamas-- And a funny-looking bull.
:''[Chiquito snorts]''
:'''Noah Nixon''': I-I-I take it back! You're not funny-looking!
:'''Chiquito''': This place is Durango's!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Well, actually--
:'''Chuquito''': No fancy talk! Just go!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Ugh! Okay, number one, how is &quot;actually&quot; fancy talk! Number two, I don't know who Durango is, but this farm isn't his. And number three--
:''[Chiquito grunts]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Ugh! Ugh! All right, there's no misunderstanding the international language of getting punched in the face. So read my fist-- Get out of my house!
:'''Chiquito''': Durango will not be happy!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Okay, don't know who that guy was, but problem solved.
:'''Noah Nixon''': Uh, you think? Aah!
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Senior Durango''': Calmate, Chiquito. You are my brother. I would not do anything to hurt mi hermano. Unless you force me to. I cannot lose that tract of land. Without its right of way, I will lose my claim on the rest of the county. But never mind. They will learn-- When you mess with the bull, you get the horns.
:'''Rex Salazar''': OHHH! Ugh!
:'''Noah Nixon''': A chicken just tried to poop on my shoe!
:'''Rex Salazar''': I think I can top you there.
:'''Noah Nixon''': No offense, but when I asked Claire to come here, this wasn't what I was hoping for.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Well, me either. I mean, I was thinking I'd find-- I don't know what. But everything in this place has been smashed or stolen. Maybe this whole family thing isn't for me.
:''[Noah gasps]''
:'''Noah Nixon''': That's the one!
:'''Claire Bowman''': Please, Noah. It just needed a little help laying an egg.
:'''Rex Salazar''': ''[Chuckling]'' What, did you grow up on a farm in Kansas?
:'''Claire Bowman''': An apartment in Chicago-- Which is where I learned to download videos onto my phone.
:'''Telephone Voice''': When caring for an egg bearing hen, remember to--
:'''Muchado''': Hola? Quien esta aquí?
:'''Rex Salazar''': Uh... hello?
:'''Muchado''': So, you are the Americans? I am Señor Muchado-- The juez.
:'''Claire Bowman''': That's like a judge?
:'''Muchado''': Sí. For all intents and purposes, I am the law in this county-- Which is why I have come here with him.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Good, because I definitely want to press charges.
:'''Muchado''': You misunderstand. I am here because of the trouble you caused for Chiquito.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Chiquito?
:''[Rex chuckles]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Your mom must have some sense of humor to name you &quot;Tiny&quot;.
:''[Chiquito growls]''
:'''Muchado''': Chiquito's brother is Señor Durango. He controls most of the land in this county, including this hacienda. At Señor Durango's request, I have prepared a legal order compelling you to vacate.
:'''Claire Bowman''': But this is Rex's farm.
:'''Annie''': Yeah, he's got a deed and everything.
:'''Muchado''': This might have some bearing-- If you were a Salazar.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Well, we're in luck. I am.
:'''Annie''': Maybe this will help.
:'''Muchado''': You may be a Salazar, but by our law, this land has been deemed abandoned, and Señor Durango has claimed it.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Sorry. Been sort of busy saving the world and stuff. But I'm here now, so consider his claim unclaimed, then reclaimed by me.
:'''Muchado''': It is not so simple. You would have to demonstrate you are actively maintaining the ranch. That means shearing and feeding the animals, bringing your bulls to market--
:'''Rex Salazar''': To market? What, like a... cattle drive?
:'''Claire Bowman''': No problem. We can totally figure out how to do that.
:'''Muchado''': A ranch this size requires at least a dozen hired men.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Okay, just... uh...
:'''Muchado''': No one within 100 kilometers will help you cross Señor Durango. If you do this, you will do it alone. And you will fail.
:'''Claire Bowman''': Well, that guy was kind of a jerk.
:'''Annie''': Yeah. So, let's get to work.
:'''Noah Nixon''': How? Everything here is broken.
:'''Annie''': Uh, have you seen my house?
:'''Rex Salazar''': You guys don't have to do this.
:'''Claire Bowman''': What kind of friend would walk away now?
:'''Noah Nixon''': Uh... yeah! No way you could stop me from helping take care of these totally not-gross animals. 
:'''Rex Salazar''': Really?
:'''Noah Nixon''': Well, I'm smiling like that's what I mean, aren't?
:''[Noah exhales deeply]''
:'''Noah Nixon''': I can do this! I can't do this. Until I've done my milking warm-up.
:'''Claire Bowman''': Ugh. Hold this.
:'''Telephone Voice''': With you head resting on her flank, gently grasp the udder with the palm of your hand.
:'''Noah Nixon''': AAH!
:''[Claire giggles]''
:'''Claire Bowman''': I think she likes you.
:'''Noah Nixon''': Ugh!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': This is your home. Get in your home!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Whoa! AAAH! AAH! Ugh! This is hopeless! This farm only has one bull, and I can't even get it into the barn. And this... better just be mud.
:'''Annie''': Hang on! I'll help you!
:''[Annie gasps]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': No! Don't!
:'''Noah Nixon''': Are you guys okay?
:'''Claire Bowman''': What is it? A storm cellar?
:'''Noah Nixon''': Looks like some kind of lab.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Figures. My mom and dad were Caesar's parents, too. Of course they'd find a way to take work home with them. Probably where those notes Caesar wanted are. Might as well grab them before the judge kicks us out.
:'''Claire Bowman''': What's he talking about? I think we're doing a pretty good job taking care of the--
:'''Annie''': Uh, guys--
:''[Claire grunts]''
:'''Claire Bowman''': Wait-- Donkeys eat hay, don't they? Maybe we can use it to lure them back into the barn.
:'''Annie''': I got it! Ugh!
:''[Annie gasps]''
:'''Noah Nixon''': Well, on the plus side, at least we now know for sure that donkeys do eat hay.
:'''Rafael Salazar''': One day, these things are going to change the world, and you'll be there to see it.
:'''Violetta Salazar''': ''[chuckling]'' Caesar, please, mi hijo. Stop working for a minute and hold the camera.
:'''Young Caesar Salazar''': Okay! Okay!
:''[Claire sniffs]''
:'''Claire Bowman''': What's that smell?
:'''Noah Nixon''': Which one? Everything here smells.
:'''Claire Bowman''': No, it smells like... smoke!
:'''Annie''': Rex! The straw caught on fire, and it exploded!
:''[Chiquito growls]''
:'''Chiquito''': Hermano! No! Oomph!
:'''Senior Durango''': What were you thinking? I told you to smoke them out, not burn the land! This is my land! If you weren't my brother--
:''[Chiquito growls]''
:'''Senior Durango''': But you are. Come here.
:'''Rex Salazar''': So, you must be the brother. Hope I'm not interrupting some kind of weird tender moment.
:'''Senior Durango''': Soy Durango. And I hope there is still a chance we can reach a resonable agreement.
:'''Claire Bowman''': So, then you'll let Rex keep the farm? We played by the rules.
:'''Senior Durango''': Around here, I make the rules.
:'''Annie''': But the judge said--
:'''Senior Durango''': The judge works for me. Now, please, I'm giving you one last chance to leave.
:'''Noah Nixon''': Okay, sure! Oh, wait-- That's right. Your fire blew up what was left of our plane!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Uh, let me handle the trash-talking with the 20-foot-tall monster EVO, okay? Leave them out of this! They shouldn't even be here! It should have been my brother!
:'''Senior Durango''':  That is why you will lose your farm. Without family, a man is nothing. After all, what is this land to them?
:'''Rex Salazar''': I don't even know what this place is to me. I came here hoping to find out more about who my family is.
:''[Rex start looking at Noah, Claire and Annie, and smile to them]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': And I did. So, you're going to stop threatening them-- And me-- And get off my land.
:''[Durango snarls]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Okay. Here's the plan-- Stay behind me! Whoa! Ugh!
:'''Noah Nixon''': Well, there goes that plan.
:'''Senior Durango''': Hurt them. You can do that, can't you?
:'''Claire Bowman''': W-what do we do now?!
:'''Annie''': The only one of us with powers just got kicked to the curb.
:'''Noah Nixon''': That depends on what you mean by &quot;powers&quot;.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Rex muffled grunting]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Not a good time, Caesar.
:'''Caesar Salazar''': I just wanted to tell you-- Forget about those notes. I realized that's not what's important about you going down there.
:''[Durango snarls]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Wow, Caesar. I can't believe you came around.
:'''Caesar Salazar''': I just realized-- The really important thing is, if you happen to find a termo-chronometer I remember having down there, it would save me from ordering one.
:''[Chiquito snarls]''
:''[Chiquito growls]''
:''[Chiquito snarls, roars]''
:'''Noah Nixon''': Ugh!
:''[Chiquito snorts]''
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:[''On videotape of the Salazar family]''
:'''Rafael Salazar''': One day these things are going to change the world and you'll be there to see it.
:'''Violetta Salazar''': Cesar, please miquito. Stop working for a minute and hold the camera.
:'''Young Caesar Salazar''': Okay, okay.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Noah Nixon''': This morning, I almost had to touch a cow's underparts. You think you can do me worse than that? Bring it.
:''[Chiquito snarls]''
:''[Chiquito roars]''
:'''Annie''': Ugh! I didn't mean for that to happen.
:'''Claire Bowman''': We did.
:'''Rex Salazar''': AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Ugh! AAAAAAAAAAARGH!
:'''Senior Durango''': OOMPH!
:''[Durango lows]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': WH-O-O-O-O-O-O O-OA!
:''[Durango lows]''
:''[Durango snorts]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': AAAAAAAAH!
:''[Durango growls]''
:''[Durango growls]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Trust me-- My brother's let me down way worse. But what am I gonna do? He's my brother.
:'''Senior Durango''': It is over.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Nice ego there, but I've been hit a lot harder.
:''[Durango spits]''
:'''Senior Durango''': Those bells signal the market is ending soon. I can see you have yet to herd you cattle there.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Oh, come on! The one cattle I've got doesn't even move!
:'''Senior Durango''': If you do not have your cattle to market before it ends, you will have failed to fulfill your deed, and this land will be mine.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Then I guess I don't have any time to waste talking about it.
:'''Claire Bowman''': Come on. Come here.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Forget it. I got this.
:'''Claire Bowman''': WHOO-HOO! Yes! Go, Rex!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Claire Bowman''': Where's Durango?
:'''Rex Salazar''': OWW! Come on! You don't move the whole time, and you can't stay still?
:''[Durango grunting]''
:'''Noah Nixon''': What is this, a western? You're actually trying to stop him with a rockslide?
:'''Senior Durango''': You? Here? How is that even possible?
:'''Telephone Voice''': Donkeys can be ridden surprinsingly fast if you--
:'''Noah Nixon''': Come on! Just give up! The farm belong to Rex. And I really want to get off this thing.
:'''Senior Durango''': You think I'm afraid of you ''[scoffs]'' boy?
:'''Claire Bowman''': Oh, it's not the boy you should be afraid of.
:'''Annie''': Oops.
:''[Durango grunting]''
:'''Senior Durango''': Ugh!
:''[Rex panting]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': We sheared the llamas, we milked the cows, I got the bull to town. We did everything in the deed.
:'''Muchado''': Sí, sí. But more important, you faced Durango and won! Once the other ranchers hear of this, they won't be afraid. You have broken Durango's hold on our lands.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Wait-- You're... happy about that?
:'''Muchado''': Of course. I told you exactly what you had to do to legally gain control of the land, didn't I?
:'''Rex Salazar''': Huh. I guess you did.
:'''Claire Bowman''': Wow! Can you believe how you perfect this all worked out?
:'''Noah Nixon''': Yeah, uh, so, maybe we should get out of here before we wear out our welcome.
:'''Rex Salazar''': There's just one thing I want to do first.

===The Rescue===
:''Note'': Rex goes alone to rescue his girlfriend Circe from the clutches of Black Knight. but it turns out she has been waiting for him.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;

===Alone Together===
:''Note'': Finally together at last, Rex and Circe reminiscence about their good and hard times together ans their romance begins to grow.
===Retribution===
===Temporary Insanity===

===Crime and Punishment===
:''Note:'' His false insanity revealed, Van Kleiss abducts Circe with the intent of punishing her for betraying him, due to her enduring love for Rex.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Now, Circe, you shall learn the ultimate price of betraying me.
:'''Rex:''' ''Leave her alone!!''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Oh, Rex. For young love. One of your greatest weaknesses. After I finish off your beloved, you will no longer be a hindrance to me. 
:'''Rex''' (''enraged'')''':''' I ''said''...LEAVE HER ALONE!!!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;

===Shadowed Past===

===Separation Anxiety===
===Brotherly Love===

===Rocky My World===
:'''Beverly:''' Oh, this is so awesome! We're seeing the Trendbenders live!
:'''Rex:''' Well, maybe not see them, but we'll totally hear them.
:'''Sebastian''': Attention! The Trendbenders will be arriving through the back of the club.
:'''Beverly:''' Slick trick! Yes, Rebecca. I know! Only drink the bottled water. No, we're not that close to the stage. Ugh! I know that's where they mosh-pit. Don't worry! Bye!
:'''Rex:''' Your sister is acting like your mother. I wouldn't put up with it. Doc?! I'm right next to her! Yes, we've got earplugs. Only bottled water-- I know! Yes, you'll pick us up at 11:00. Okay! Bye!
:'''Sly:''' ''[singing]'' I met a guy who has looking for a lucky break. I met a guy mad he wouldn't make a mistake. No loser here the weight would be upon his face. This ain't no lucky break it's just another day.
:'''Beverly:''' Hey!
:'''Rex:''' There's something wrong with that guy.
:'''Beverly:''' Yeah! It's called lack of social skills.
:'''Sebastian:''' We have to talk! You got to listen to me!
:'''Rex:''' I think they're a little too busy for a chat right now.
:'''Sebastian:''' It's me! Your first fan!
:'''Rex:''' Come on, dude. Can't you just watch the show, like everyone else?
:'''Sly:''' ''[singing]'' You won't bring me down. Yeah-yeah-yeah. You won't bring me down.
:'''Sebastian:''' I'm not just everyone else.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Sebastian:''' You want to rethink trying to stop me?
:'''Beverly:''' Whoa! Geek in triplicate!
:'''Rex:''' More like EVO geek.
:'''Sebastian:''' I bet you're not even a real fan!
:'''Rex:''' Hey, I know their music!
:'''Sebastian:''' Yeah? What album is &quot;Bitten on the Wind&quot; from?
:'''Beverly:''' Uh, their first album.
:'''Sebastian:''' Wrong! Their third! Poser!
:'''Sly:''' Here's one from our first album-- &quot;Bitten on the Wind.&quot;
:'''Beverly:''' Told ya! Their first album! Who's the poser now?
:'''Sebastian:''' But it is their third. They keep denying their first two albums exist!
:'''Rex:''' Huh?
:''[Rex bones cracking]''
:'''Rex:''' Shouldn't you be home, making sure your mom isn't snooping around your basement? Ouch! All right, I've had enough.
:'''Sebastian:''' I know you. You're that guy from Providence that beats up on EVOs.
:'''Rex:''' And I'm guessing you're not one of my fans.
:'''Sebastian:''' This isn't over! They still need me to show them the way back. I'll make them listen to me.. No matter what! Ugh!
:'''Man:''' No re-entry without a hand stamp.
:'''Rex:''' Uh, but--
:'''JoJo:''' It's okay. He's with me. I'm JoJo, the band's manager.
:'''Beverly:''' Oh! Sly Tyler, vocals, six-stringer. Burrito Beau on the big bottom, and Leon Adler on the skins.
:'''Beau:''' Bass. Drums.
:'''Beverly:''' They're even cutter up close!
:'''JoJo:''' But Sebastian isn't. And now that fruitcake fan has become a major menace.
:'''Rex:''' You know who that guy is?
:'''Sly:''' Yeah, he's one of our first fans from way back.
:'''Leon:''' But he didn't like our change in music direction.
:'''Beau:''' Change, like in popular.
:'''Sly:''' So he started sending us nasty e-mails and slagging us on the fan sites.
:'''JoJo:''' But now he's turned violent, and it turns out he's... H-he's...
:'''Rex:''' An EVO that can multiply himself.
:'''JoJo:''' We can't handle that kind of threat, but you can.
:'''Beverly:''' Is this a job offer?
:'''JoJo:''' As head of security for the rest of the tour.
:'''Rex:''' Huh, I don't know. Putting up with groupies, great music, catering, the Rock'n'roll lifestyle-- Oh, right, like I'm not totally in for this!
:'''Beverly:''' And I'm your deputy, sheriff.
:'''Sly:''' Absolutely.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Absolutely not.
:'''Rex:''' They've got an EVO threat.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Fine, Rex. Beverly? And don't forget to use earplugs.
:'''Rex:''' Private jet to the next gig? Airline-- First class? Coach?
:'''JoJo:''' Of the road kind.
:'''Rex:''' Traveling the open road, bringing music to the people. Where to next?
:'''Beau:''' Eugene, Oregon. ''[Unenthusiastically]'' WHOO-HOO!
:'''Rex:''' Ow!
:'''Leon:''' Bad seat. Got a lot of them.
:''[Beau farts]''
:''[Rex sniffs]''
:'''Leon and Rex:''' Oh!
:''[Leon coughs]''
:'''Leon:''' Isn't the ozone layer depleted enough, Beau?
:'''Rex:''' Want to hit the streets and check out the local scene?
:'''Sly:''' Seriously, man? It's just another town.
:'''Beau:''' Been there. Seen them all.
:'''TV Announcer:''' He's currently under 3, 2 behind the leader. This is a very tricky--
:'''Rex:''' Oh, let's throw this in the pool!
:'''Leon:''' Hey, I'm watching something, dude!
:'''Rex:''' How about a food fight?
:'''Sly:''' Sorry, man. Not feeling it.
:'''Rex:''' This isn't feeling very Rock'n'Roll.
:'''JoJo:''' Rex, we hired you to consult on security, not rock-tour clichés.
:'''Sebastian:''' Room service.
:'''JoJo:''' Again? You guys, this is costing too much.
:'''Sly:''' But we didn't order anything else.
:'''Sebastian:''' That's okay. This is on the house!
:''[Sebastian grunts]''
:''[JoJo gasps]''
:'''Rex:''' Look out! He's got... Paperwork?
:'''Sebastian:''' I've got notes and visuals on where you've gone commercial and how you can get back to your roots! He's with the band now? He's not even a real fan! You see? You've got to come with me. You need my help!
:'''Rex:''' They're not going anywhere, but you are!
:'''Sebastian:''' My copies don't feel pain.
:'''Rex:''' But you do!
:'''Girl:''' Whoa! You must really be a big fan!
:'''Sebastian:''' Only of their early stuff.
:'''Girl:''' Eww! Their early stuff is weak.
:'''Teen girl:''' But their new songs are awesome!
:''[Girls giggling]''
:''[Sebastian growls]''
:''[Girls screaming]''
:'''Rex:''' Excuse me. I'm with the band.
:'''Teen girl:''' But you missed your ride.
:'''Rex:''' That's okay. I've got my own.
:'''Man:''' Rock bands! Never again!
:'''Sebastian:''' I've got to take you away from this sellout existence, where you deny your first two albums even exist.
:'''Sly:''' B-but those albums weren't any good. That's why we only had a few fans, like you.
:'''Rex:''' If there's only three of them, then who's driving the car?
:'''Sebastian:''' Aah!
:'''Rex:''' Did he... Ah! Rent that car from the circus? Time to cut this act short.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Sebastian:''' Oh, man. I went to my first Trendbenders show in that car.
:'''Rex:''' Maybe I can't turn off your obsession, but I can shut down your nanites.
:'''Beau:''' That clone-boy?
:'''Rex:''' I don't think he's going to be a problem now.
:'''JoJo:''' We can still use you on the tour. What did you say?
:'''Rex:''' Yes!
:'''Sly:''' Good man! ''[singing]'' You see the light, and it's oh, so bright, a million times more than before, now we'll show you the door, some starts fade, and some starts shine, the bright ones stand the test of time, the others burn out and sing, &quot;yeah, we almost made it&quot;, &quot;yeah, but we're overrated&quot;, kill your radio, you live a life for all to see, sometimes it's right, sometimes obscene, now you're the enemy, it's one for all and all for me, unlocking doors and misery, the others burn out and sing, &quot;yeah, we almost made it&quot;, &quot;yeah, but we're overrated&quot;, out of time, kill your radio, &quot;yeah, we almost made it&quot;, &quot;yeah, but we're overrated&quot;, out of time, kill your radio, out of time, kill your radio, out of time, kill your radio, out of time, kill your radio, it isn't all, that it's cracked up to be, I never thought it'd be so easy, I wouldn't have it any other way, you see the light, and it's oh, so bright, a million times more than before, now we'll show you the door, some starts fade, and some starts shine, the bright ones stand the test of time, the others burn out and sing, &quot;yeah, we almost made it&quot;, &quot;yeah, but we're overrated&quot;, out of time, kill your radio, &quot;yeah, we almost made it&quot;, &quot;yeah, but we're overrated&quot;, out of time, kill your radio, &quot;yeah&quot;.
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Sly:''' At least we got a day off before the next gig.
:'''JoJo:''' Guys, a club owner in fleeceburg just offered us amazing money. I booked it.
:'''Rex:''' For when?
:'''JoJo:''' We're already running late.
:'''Sly:''' They're paying money for us to play in this dump?
:'''JoJo:''' Big money. Come on. You're on in ten minutes.
:'''Rex:''' I'm guessing ticket sales are a little slow.
:'''Leon:''' Are we breaking up?
:'''Beau:''' This dive seems awfully familiar.
:'''Sebastian:''' It should.
:'''Rex:''' That voice seems awfully familiar!
:'''Teens:''' Dude! Nobody move! What's going on? Who's touching me? What is this? Excuse me. What is going on?
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Sebastian:''' I built an exact replica of the first club you played in.
:'''Beau:''' Hey, that's one of my puke stains. Fruitcake knows his details.
:'''Rex:''' But I cured you.
:'''Sebastian:''' Hmm... That was a copy, not the original.
:'''Sly:''' Whatever. When's this gonna end, fan-boy?
:'''Sebastian:''' It ends tonight. Check the floor at your feet.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Sebastian:''' I've given up trying to get you back to your roots. So now you'll play what I want to hear for the next hour. And then your career ends with a bang. :'''Sly:''' On behalf of the band, I'd like to thank our manager, JoJo, for booking this totally insane gig!
:''[JoJo laughs nervously]''
:'''Sebastian:''' The sound of cold, hard cash is the only music sellouts like you listen to anymore.
:'''Rex:''' They're not sellouts. They just got more popular than you wanted.
:'''Sebastian:''' You try anything, and I'll end their last gig prematurely. You're only alive because I want you to see what the Trendbenders used to be like. For the next hour give me the early stuff, when you were cool.
:'''Sly:''' Why bother? You're gonna nuke us, anyway.
:'''Sebastian:''' Because if you don't play, this happens!
:'''Sly:''' Aah!
:'''Leon, Sly and Beau:''' No more!
:'''Sly:''' Okay, dude, what's the first number?
:'''Sebastian:''' &quot;Crawling undertow&quot;!
:'''Sly:''' Well, how does it feel?
:'''Sebastian:''' First album, seventh song. Fifth song on the Japanese import.
:'''Sly:''' To get that weight back on our shoulders--
:'''Sebastian:''' You're giving it a beat that wasn't in the original, man! Not even in the remix from the box set. Play it right this time! I'm missing the concert because of you!
:'''Rex:''' Stinks to be you. Got to cure the real Sebastian. But which one is the mother ship?
:'''Sebastian:''' You can't even play your old songs like you used to. Total disappointment. Let's end this bummer concert.
:'''Sly:''' But we still have over a half-hour left!
:'''Sebastian:''' Last song, no encore.
:'''Rex:''' Tell me who's the original, or I'll turn you into dessert topping!
:'''Sebastian:''' You don't scare me. I don't feel pain.
:'''Rex:''' But the real Sebastian does. Sly! Maximum feedback! Now! Thanks, Doc.
:'''Sebastian''': AAAHHHH!
:'''Rex:''' How do you like their new hit, Sebastian Prime? Here's another new groove you're not going to like.
:'''Sebastian:''' Aah!
:'''Rex:''' Congrats. You're back to being a solo act.
:'''Sebastian:''' You've got to listen to me!
:''[Sebastian yelling]''
:'''Rex:''' Kidnapping, assault and battery, construction without a permit-- that should keep him away for years.
:'''JoJo:''' Have to say it, guys, but we've got a gig in toledo to get to. Security?
:'''Rex:''' Not anymore. Sebastian's done, and so am I.
:'''Sly:''' Dude, I thought you wanted the rock'n'roll lifestyle.
:'''Rex:''' I'm not tough enough for it. I need to get back to something easier, like city-smashing EVOs and conspiracies to take over the world.
:'''Beau:''' Don't know what your missing.
:'''Rex:''' I think do. But I don't miss this. Yes, doc? Don't need my earplugs anymore. I quit. Will you let me tell you? No, the EVO threat wasn't just an excuse. Well, I'm coming back! Will you let-- Doc!

===Lost and Found===

===My Brother's Keeper===

===Target: the Consortium===
: '''Jungle Cat:''' You are...?
: '''Rex:''' Rex. Rex Salazar. What are you?
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Lost... and found.
: '''Rex:''' HUNH! AAAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
: ''[Rex gasps deeply]''
: '''Rex:''' Whoa. That was a total zero on the fun meter.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Learning how to communicate with the nanite world isn't about fun. Did you get anywhere at all?
: '''Rex:''' Don't know. I connected with a Master Control Nanite for a second, and then I lost it. But I also got, like, this feeling that something's about to happen in the nanite world. Something... big.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' Argh! This is Rylander's speciality, not mine. There's no way I can cover for him.
: '''Caesar:''' Not to worry, Dr. Meechum. You won't have to any longer. Dr. Rylander will take over from here.
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' Oh, really, Caesar? From his current location of beyond the grave?
: '''Rylander:''' Actually, Peter, I was never completely dead-- just spread a little thin-- ''[chuckling]'' Moleculary speaking. Caesar's been working on putting me back together.
: '''Black Knight:''' All of them together-- At last. Contact the Consortium. We now have something to show them. Something big.
: '''White Knight:''' Even having two of the Master Control Nanites doesn't change the vital importance of finding the other three. But the latest intel I've received could give us a way to neutralize the group obsessed with these machines.
: '''Six:''' The Consortium.
: '''Rex:''' Aren't those the money guys that bankrolled the Nanite Project in Providence?
: '''White Knight:''' The same. Formerly made-up of six members, but now five-- Reddick, made his wealth in real estate and construction. Vostock, black market finance and KGB... Zanubian, arms dealing and shipping. Roswell, oil and minerals. Anthony Haden-Scott, worldwide media.
: ''[Rex munches]''
: '''Rex:''' Should we be writing this down for the pop quiz later?
: '''White Knight:''' You may be facing them soon because of the efforts of our stealthiest agent.
: '''Rex:''' Mm! Thank you! I think.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' He's not talking about you.
: '''Rex:''' Hey! It's Evo-cat guy! Uh... sorry-- What's your name? O...kay, cat with no collar, what's in the sack? Bunch of canaries? Well, that's... something.
: '''White Knight:''' Our associate has been tracking the Consortium with a little help from a former member.
: '''Rex:''' I remember him! He's the one Rylander got revenge on with an EVO love letter.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' That he never recovered from. But he's still full of useful knowledge about the other members.
: '''Rex:''' As long as you have a towel handy for the answers.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' The Consortium has financed a new facility for nanite research. All of them will be at that location within the next six hours.
: '''Six:''' And so will we.
: '''White Knight:''' A rare opportunity like this can't be missed. You three will capture the Consortium and bring them to a secure location. Understood?
: '''Rex:''' Purrfectly.
: '''Black Knight:''' Gentlemen, I wanted you here today to--
: '''Reddick:''' &quot;Wanted?&quot; Sounds like a command.
: '''Vostok:''' ''[Russian accent]'' You get to ask, not order.
: '''Black Knight:''' I'm sorry. Let me restate. I asked you here because I can now present some major developments in your quest. I finished construction on the nanite reactor and reassembled against all odds the original science team to run it. Doctors Meechum, systems expert. Salazar, artificial intelligence. Rylander, microengineering. And Van Kleiss, biomechanical integration.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Nanite's recorder locked in. Hologram Rylander saves money on meals. Glow, glow, glow, yipper.
: ''[Van Kleiss smooches]''
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' A human flashlight and a brain-fried babbler. This is what I'm supposed to work with.
: '''Vostok:''' Looks like your geniuses have some issues.
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' ''[British accent]'' I seem to recall there were two other Salazars on the team.
: '''Black Knight:''' They're dead-- And just as well. Considering their actions are responsible for our setbacks, I highly doubt they would have cooperated.
: ''[Jungle Cat snarls]''
: '''Black Pawns:''' Ohh!
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Rex:''' Black Pawns got to talk to their costume designer. Way too stuffy.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Be quiet.
: '''Six:''' Our target?
: '''Roswell:''' ''[Southern accent]'' Little lady, I'm hoping you didn't get me out here just to watch some lab jockeys do their homework.
: '''Vostok:''' I know I've got better things to do.
: '''Black Knight:''' Aside from the all-important reassembly of the science team and activation of the nanite reactor, I do have another development to show you.
: '''Roswell:''' Yeah? What else you got?
: '''Black Knight:''' An acquisition.
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Lost... and found.
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Jungle Cat:''' What's wrong with you?
: '''Rex:''' Forget the Consortium! I know where we can find a Master-Control Nanite.
: '''Six:''' Where?
: '''Rex''': Here.
: '''Six:''' We're doing both. You two get the nanite, I'll get the Consortium.
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' On of the five? That's all?
: '''Reddick:''' You know we need all of the Master-Control Nanites to do us any good.
: '''Vostok:''' What about the two you lost? And the other two still out there?
: '''Black Knight:''' We'll have the other four in due time. Take this back to the vault. But remember that each one has its own useful powers. : '''Roswell:''' Not enough to drag me all the way out there, little lady.
: '''Black Knight:''' &quot;Black Knight&quot;.
: '''Black Pawns:''' You're not one of us.
: '''Six:''' Stay clear of the Pawns. They're not buying our cover. Repeat-- Stay clear of the Pawns.
: '''Rex:''' Steel door. A vault!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Jungle Cat:''' That was close.
: '''Rex:''' Got it. Have to be as stealthy as you from now on.
: ''[Jungle Catsnarls]''
: ''[Jungle Cat snarling]''
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Van Kleiss!
: ''[Jungle Cat muffled grunting]''
: '''Rex:''' Way not to be stealthy. Sorry, cat guy. I know you want payback for him turning you into stone and all, but the nanite is more important.
: '''Black Pawns:''' Security alert. Intruder.
: ''[Jungle Cat snarls]''
: '''Jungle Cat:''' You find the nanite. I'll be a diversion.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' She has shown us some progress. That one nanite is significant in itself.
: '''Reddick:''' It's all five or nothing. Or are you thinking of working a separate deal with the one?
: '''Vostok:''' Can we please not talk like this while those two are in the room?
: '''Roswell:''' Yeah, Xanubian, put a sock in all your yammerin'.
: '''Black Pawns:''' Another intruder at security zone three. It's Agent Six.
: '''Rex:''' Gotcha.
: '''Black Pawns:''' Unh! Aah!
: '''Rex:''' I'll take that. Six! I've got the nanite!
: '''Six:''' Meet your outside.
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: ''[Jungle Cat snarls]''
: '''Rex:''' I've got it! Let's scat, cat!
: '''Black Knight:''' If he's here-- So is Rex. Vault security, come in.
: '''Reddick:''' Is there a problem?
: '''Black Knight:''' A minor security issue. I'm taking care of it.
: '''Vostok:''' ''[Russian accent]'' You better, little lady.
: '''Rex:''' Well, mission half accomplished.
: '''Six:''' This should complete it.
: '''Rex:''' You planted a bomb?!
: '''Six:''' Plan &quot;B&quot;.
: '''Rex:''' The cat! He's still inside! No!! We've got to go back for the cat! He's on his own mission. Van Kleiss is there.
: '''Six:''' Understood.
: '''Black Pawns:''' Black Knight, shouldn't we evacuate?
: '''Black Knight:''' The security threat has been removed. Among other things. Track them, find them.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Interlace template, instal copper buffers, hold the mayo, set core temp, heat cold fries.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Remember me?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Someone let the cat in.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' You cast me aside as if I was garbage. Turned me to stone. Drained me of life-- Almost. Now it's your turn to suffer.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Had a kitty once. Not you. Bubbles liked catnip and parsnips. Chapped lips. Hip, hip, hooray!
: ''[Jungle Cat growls]''
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' If you're here to clean up, ask for directions, not Dr. Screwloose.
: '''Rex:''' Ugh! Meechum. Bro. He's here to put Van Kleiss out of the world's misery. Give me a reason why he shouldn't.
: ''[Jungle Cat growls]''
: '''Rylander:''' Because the world needs him right now, Rex.
: '''Rex:''' Dr. Rylander! How did you--
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Rex:''' You got it to work.
: '''Rylander:''' I've looked better, I'll admit, but I'm still very much alive. And so happy to see you again.
: '''Rex:''' If you could bring him back--
: '''Caesar:''' Sorry, Rex. It won't work for mom and dad.
: '''Rex:''' So, you've come back-- But you're working for them! It seems crazy, I know, but look at our progress-- The nanite reactor is almost operational.
: '''Rex:''' Not if I destroy it.
: '''Black Knight:''' Surround them.
: '''Caesar:''' Trust me, hermano, We're doing the right thing.
: '''Rex:''' You keep saying that, but I don't believe it anymore!
: ''[Jungle Cat snarls]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Bubbles, I'm sorry. Here, kitty, kitty. Left you out in the rain, rain go away--
: ''[Jungle Cat snarls]''
: ''[Jungle Cat snarling]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Ugh! Easy on the hot sauce, Peter, Peter pumpkin two seater.
: '''Rylander:''' Tell him, Caesar.
: '''Rex:''' Tell me what?
: '''Six:''' Revenge time is up.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Jungle Cat snarls]''
: ''[Jungle Cat roars]''
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' Aah! Careful! Our work! Ugh! Take it outside!
: '''Rex:''' Ugh!
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Rex. Rex Salazar.
: '''Rex:''' I can't talk now! Ugh!
: '''Black Knight:''' Thank you.
: '''Rex:''' You're so not welcome.
: '''Black Knight:''' You should have left when you had the chance.
: ''[Black Knight grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' You guys have such a great cafeteria.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Had to come back for more.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Aah! Unh!
: '''Six:''' Unh!
: ''[Black Knight grunting]''
: '''Black Knight:''' Unh!
: '''Six:''' UNNNNNNNNH!
: '''Black Knight:''' Ugh!
: ''[Jungle Cat snarls]''
: '''Rex:''' Let's say adiós.
: '''Six:''' There's still plan &quot;B&quot;.
: '''Rex:''' We're not assassins.
: '''Six:''' You're not. This might be our one chance.
: '''Rex:''' To be like them? Then what makes us different?
: '''Six:''' Go. I'm right behind you.
: '''Roswell:''' You brought us into an ambush! Right behind you, Mr. Chatterbox.
: '''Vostok:''' You are cowards.
: '''Reddick:''' Graveyards are full of dummies that thought they were though.
: '''Vostok:''' Black Knight, we have a lot to discuss about your future.
: '''Black Knight:''' By all means, let's talk.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Where's Six?
: '''Rex:''' He said he was right behind us.
: '''Six:''' I am. The Consortium still has to be dealt with.
: '''Rex:''' We now have three Master Control Nanites. I'd say the Consortium has to deal with us.
: '''Six:''' Understood.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Purrfectly.
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' I'm shocked. What happened?
: '''Black Knight:''' It seems Vostok had an unfortunate run-in with our intruders as he was leaving. But, there's good news. The reactor is gone. Soon we will have all the nanites we need.
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' &quot;We&quot;?
: '''Black Knight:''' I think it's time we walked about my promotion.

===Convergence===
===Enter the Nanite World===

===Enemies Mine===
: '''Valve:''' Battle is to be waged between your courage and my power. You lose.
: '''Gatlocke:''' Valve, my friend. Lovely day for a riot, don't you think?
: '''Valve:''' What do you want, Gatlocke?
: '''Gatlocke:''' I want lots of things-- A doomsday weapon, my own private island, for my mom to stop calling me to fix her computer. But what I really want is to give you a message. It's time. I suppose I'll make the introductions.
: '''Valve:''' A biker needs no introduction. And everyone knows Hunter Cain.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Everything is going according to plan. We get one more thing. Then we get wrecked.
: '''Rex:''' Sorry we're late.
: '''Bobo:''' We're not late. We're fashionably early.
: '''Providence Agent:''' I was starting to think I was on my own. I've been calling for help, but  Providence hasn't answered.
: '''Six:''' What set this off?
: '''Providence Agent:''' No idea. One moment everything was fine. The next moment, complete chaos.
: '''Rex:''' I'm heading in. I'll lock up when I'm done. Oh, don't bother getting up. I'm just gonna knock you back down again.
: '''Bobo:''' Back in your cages, you filthy animals!
: '''Rex:''' Huh? What? You? It's a who's-who of old EVOs. Whew! Really not in the mood for this. You're kidding me. You?!
: '''Gatlocke:''' Three men, one objective, no rules. Oh, this is exciting, isn't it? Or is it just me?
: '''Valve:''' The others are saying that Rex is here. Rex will get his when we're ready.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Watch yourselves. This one's unpredictable. We know what you want, No-Face. Then we can give it to you. Do what we say. Then you'll get Rex. You'll get the chance to tear Rex apart. Piece by piece. Now we're ready.
: '''Rex:''' So you remember who I am. Surprised you have a big enough brain for that. These cells are pretty dull. Let's redecorate. No way I'm letting an EVO get won over on me. Especially a big old frog.
: '''Gatlocke:''' Almost out. Freedom is just a... Bottomless ravine away.
: '''Valve:''' The biker begs the question, how are we getting across?
: '''Gatlocke:''' You know that's not really how begging the question is supposed to be used. Are we kidding? Anyone who gets worked up over that phrase needs to be savagely beaten.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' This'll override the drawbridge system.
: '''Gatlocke:''' Ooh, now how would someone like you procure something like that?
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Friends and hide places.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, frog legs. Let's put you in solitary confinement.
: '''Bobo:''' Do you look like you got run over by an overstuffed garbage truck?
: '''Rex:''' Feels like it. This is a prison riot. Where's Providence? They should be all over this.
: '''Six:''' They never responded to any calls.
: '''Rex:''' It's a setup. Providence wanted this to happen. But why?
: '''Six:''' Six here. Go ahead.
: '''Rex:''' Wait. This bridge wasn't down before.
: '''Bobo:''' Yeah. About that. Some of the prisoners escaped together. Gatlocke...
: '''Rex:''' That's bad.
: '''Bobo:''' Hunter Cain...
: '''Rex:''' That's even worse!
: '''Bobo:''' Valve.
: '''Rex:''' That's... Really? Valve?
: '''Bobo:''' Yeah. And No-Face.
: '''Rex:''' Those four are loose? Together?
: '''Six:''' We've got a bigger problem.
: '''Rex:''' How can it be bigger than this?
: '''Six:''' The EVOs in the city-- The only thing keeping them tame are their control collars.
: '''Rex:''' And this is a problem because...?
: '''Six:''' Because someone has shut them all down.
: '''Rex:''' Let me get that for you.
: '''Bobo:''' Dumpster dog. Considering you used to ride around in the Paris, I guess you're moving up in the world. Main to your mud.
: '''Six:''' Are you injured?
: '''Rex:''' Just worn out. Is this day over yet?
: '''Bobo:''' Oh! Signs pointing no.
: '''Rex:''' Huh? That came from the track. Can you handle things here?
: '''Bobo:''' Only one way to find out. Valve. Those nanite superchargers you keep using are bad for your health.
: '''Valve:''' If I were you, I'd be more concerned with your own short-term health.
: '''Rex:''' Please, like I have anything to worry about from you. The other three, they're dangerous. You, you're just comedy relief.
: '''Valve:''' I am not. Comedy relief.
: '''Rex:''' Well, you're not funny, that's for sure.
: '''Valve:''' Like the road that continues on, so must the biker.
: '''Rex:''' Where did he go so? Ew! Get away from my tacos, cockroach! Huh? You running away? I'll give you this much, Valve. Maybe you're getting smarter.
: '''No-Face:''' Unlike you.
: '''Rex:''' I put you away once, No-Face. I'll do it again.
: '''No-Face:''' The one who makes machines. The one we've been waiting for.
: '''Rex:''' Huh? Figures you try to shoot a guy in the back.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' All I see is a filthy EVO.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, first off, that Lai is tired. Second off, last time I checked, you're teaming up with one. Would that make you an EVO lover? All this hide and seek is wearing me down! Huh? Figures.
: '''Gatlocke:''' Leaving so soon? That's not going to impress the hiring committee. Now, let's see what we have here. &quot;Honor roll, A/V Club.&quot; Ugh. &quot;Glee Club.&quot; ''[Scoffs]'' I'm going to have to be brutally honest with you. You're perfect for my gang. Can you sing soprano? My last soprano drove his motorcycle off a cliff. He survived, but his voice was never the same. By the way, can you fly? This is quite the surprise. I'm willing to hire you, Rex, but you better have some excellent references.
: '''Rex:''' Back to prison, Gatlocke!
: '''Gatlocke:''' Then consider the offer rescinded! You could be a valued member of my gang. It's a tough job market out there, you know?
: '''Rex:''' I'd never work for you!
: '''Gatlocke:''' No, not with that attitude, you wouldn't. Welcome to my gang. Your first task is to destroy Rex-- That guy right there.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Gatlocke:''' Your second task is to complete harassment training. I teach the class. This pamphlet explains everything.
: '''Rex:''' No, no, no!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, come in. What's happening?
: '''Rex:''' One really bad day.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Your nanite readings are off the charts.
: '''Rex:''' No surprise. I've been fighting and curing EVOs non stop.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' We need to upload your nanites immediately.
: '''Rex:'''  Now? Doc, my four worst enemies are still on the loose. Well, my three worst enemies in Valve. Plus the city's in chaos. And where in the world is Providence? How come they're not here dealing with this?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Six and Bobo can mop up the last few EVOs. You have to offload.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, fine. But we better make it fast.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' You'll be locked in the chamber for one hour.
: '''Rex:''' Just do it, Doc.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' This could be a long sixty minutes.
: '''Valve:''' According to the tracking bug, Rex is inside.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Gentlemen, this is what we've been waiting for. It's time for Rex to die.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' They followed him.
: '''Gatlocke:''' After we kill Rex. We should work together and form a team call ourselves... Gatlocke and the kitty cats.
: '''Valve:''' Silence your mouth or the biker will silence it for you.
: '''Gatlocke:''' Oh, Valve. You can pretend to be angry, but deep down, you know you're a kitty cat.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' They know we're here.
: '''Gatlocke:''' You're quite feisty. Have you ever considered a career in the fast growing field of post apocalyptic gangs?
: '''Valve:''' She has spirit. Valve the biker will see that spirit crushed.
: '''Gatlocke:''' You're Gatlocke's favorite kitty cat. Hmm. Rrr.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Don't follow her. She's trying to lead us away from Rex. Rex is close-by.
: '''Valve:''' Rex's chamber... Five minutes to spare.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' More than enough time.
: '''Gatlocke:''' I could have sworn that we'd agreed to take Rex out together.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' I'm changing the terms of the deal if you have a problem with that, feel free to stand right where you are. I've waited a long time for this. Rex!
: '''Valve:''' Empty? Or a trick of the mind?
: '''Rex:''' Isn't that obvious? Then again, that tracking bug you stuck on me was obvious, too. And the fake countdown? Obvious. It only took me thirty minutes to upload my nanites. You wanted to run me ragged so you could get me. Instead, here you are all in one place. Gotcha!
: '''Valve:''' UGHH!
: '''Rex:''' UGHHHH! I still don't get why you enlisted Valve. I mean, he's really a third-string bad guy.
: '''Valve:''' Valve is the biker. A biker is dangerous.
: '''Rex:''' Hmm. Yeah. No.
: '''Valve:''' Rrrr!
: '''Rex:''' So unpredictable. Like a third-string bad guy.
: '''Valve:''' AAAAH!
: '''Gatlocke:''' I have a horrible sneaking suspicion that he's winning.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Then do something about it!
: '''Gatlocke:''' Don't have to yell. A kind word will get you much further.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Gatlocke:''' UGHHH! Oh! Oh! Oh ho ho! Ouch! My back! My front and my back! OHH! This is total, total agony!
: ''[Gatlocke gasps]''
: '''Gatlocke:''' ''[Calmly]'' I'm okay. Really. I'm fine.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' You're lucky. I'll give you that. But you're only delaying the inevitable. You can't beat us all!
: '''Rex:''' I never intended to. This offload facility? I reprogrammed it. My surplus nanites aren't being stored. They're powering the shield.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' It's a trap!
: '''Rex:''' Have fun keeping each other company!
: '''Bobo:''' What a day.
: '''Rex:''' You know, none of this would have happened if Providence hadn't released the convicts and turned out all those EVOs.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' They did that to keep you busy.
: '''Rex:''' Keep me busy from what?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' The Nanite Project. We just found out. While we dealt with the EVOs, Black Knight got her hands on another Master-Control Nanite.
: '''Rex:''' Then it's time.

===Sinister Secrets===
===Wounded Hearts===
===One Step Ahead===
===Breaking Point===
===Behind Closed Doors===

===Keeping Hope===
===Trust===

===Terror of the Black Knight===

===Endgame, Part One===
: '''Rex:''' It was going to happen sooner or later. We had most of the pieces, so it was only a matter of time before the Black Knight made her move. And of all the chances she had to attack, it had to be tonight... at this very moment... while I was in the shower. Huh? How many?
: '''Six:''' Should it matter?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Can't you do any better than that?
: '''Bobo:''' I thought you'd never ask.
: '''Rex:''' Rah! Yah!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' If they get to the Meta-Nanites, we still have options.
: '''Rex:''' Of the self-destruct kind? No, thanks, Doc. It's not going to end that way... hopefully.
: '''Black Knight:''' We'll dispense with the pleasantries. You know what we want.
: '''Rex:''' There is no way you're walking out of here with the nanites.
: '''Black Knight:''' You seem so certain.
: '''Rex:''' We've beaten you before. Every single time, in fact. So, this time is different... How? Okay, that's different. Ugh! You're an EVO?!
: '''Black Knight:''' Do you think you were the only one they experimented on back in the day? You were the guinea pig. Consider me the new-and-improved version.
: '''Rex:''' Okay. Before we go any further, I should probably explain a few things. It started when a bunch of rich guys decided they wanted to live forever, so they got the best scientists in the world to figure out how. The answer was nanites. These microscopic machines would cure disease, end hunger, and pretty much make the world a better place. My parents and older brother were on the team, and so was this guy. Look familiar? Van Kleiss. Then one day there was an accident. To save my life, my parents injected me with nanites. It worked. But there were a few crazy side effects, like the fact I could talk to machines and, later on, build some pretty cool things. That got the rich guys thinking-- How far could we take this? Turns out pretty far. These little machines could control the very fabric of the Universe, but they would need a Master Control Nanite to program all the others and tell them what to do. Energy, gravity, time/space, elemental, mechanical-- All the things that make the Universe run. Combined together, they would pretty much make you a God. And when my brother and parents found out the Consortium was about to put these nanites inside themselves, they sort of freaked out in a &quot;got to save the Earth&quot; kind of way. Something had to be done to stop it. Turns out that meant blowing the whole thing up, better known as &quot;The Nanite Event&quot;. That didn't end well for my parents. While everyone else ran away, my parents were trapped inside. Sill not sure how. There was some good news-- No more Master Control Nanites. And the bad news? Dangerous unprogrammed nanites got spread across the world, and nanites plus DNA equals EVO. My brother Caesar got caught in a time warp during his escape. Van Kleiss got blown to smithereens and became the world's biggest pain in the nanite. And me? I got amnesia and traveled the globe living the good life... At least, that's how I tell it. The only part I know of wasn't all that much to brag about. I did get some good friends and a few enemies out of the deal. Turns out that losing my memory was a regular thing for me. Last time I woke up and said, &quot;Who Am I?&quot; It was when this guy found me-- Agent Six. He worked for Providence, sort of a global police force created to clean up after the event. It was paid for mostly by the same group of goons that started the whole thing-- The Consortium. It was great for a while. I had my own personal doctor, a chimp sidekick, a cool best friend to hang with. I was a full-fledged hero. The world loved me, and my powers kept getting better and better. Van Kleiss was still a pain, but I managed to take care of him. A few times, actually. Then things started to get not so cool. My brother shows up from out of nowhere. I get thrown six months into the future to find White Knight kicked out of Providence and this lady in charge-- Black Knight. She's been the lapdog of the Consortium from day one, and now her bosses want to pick up where they left off. Most of the old team of scientists have been reunited, and together, they've restarted the nanite program. The Master Control Nanites were spread across the globe in the first explosion, and we've been racing against Providence to get them back. So far, we've been winning that fight, and that pretty much brings us to right now.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Black Knight grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' The Black Pawns are robots?!
: '''Black Knight:''' Total obedience at the flip of a switch. Can you blame me?
: '''Black Pawn:''' What's so funny?
: '''Six:''' I hold back against people. You're not people.
: ''[Bobo Haha grunts]''
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Black Knight grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Huh? Ugh!
: '''Feakins:''' Hey! Hey! Take it easy, would you? Oh!
: '''Rex:''' Fitzy?!
: '''Feakins:''' Heh? Sorry, guy. They found me. She's hard to say &quot;No&quot; to... and live.
: '''Black Knight:''' Well put, Mr. Feakins. And thanks to his unique ability, we can set aside our nanite enhancements and do this the old-fashioned way.
: '''Rex:''' Come on. That's not fair. I'm unarmed!
: '''Black Knight:''' Precisely.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Stop! Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad idea.
: '''Rex:''' Listen to the crazy guy.
: '''Black Knight:''' Why are you here, Van Kleiss?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I forgot. Oh, no, wait. I remember. He's got a Master Control Nanite swallowed up inside him. It's been hiding, the naughty thing.
: '''Rex:''' On second thought, don't listen to him. He's, uh-- He's crazy, remember?
: '''Black Knight:''' You're sure of this?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Oh, yes, yes. Quite sure. Do you have any mints?
: '''Black Knight:''' I want Rex at the lab. Restrain and sedate him.
: '''Rex:''' How, hold on a minute.
: '''Feakins:''' Hey! What about me?
: '''Black Knight:''' I'm not taking any chances. He stays with Rex. Kill the others.
: '''Rex:''' Ugh! Ahh.
: '''Master-Control Nanite:''' Human.
: '''Rex:''' What are you telling me? What do you want?
: '''Master-Control Nanite:''' Complete. Complete. Complete. Complete. Complete.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, I get it. How?
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Caesar:''' Calm down, Rex. You're safe.
: '''Rex:''' Safe?! Black Knight and her robo-troopers just came knocking, and Van crazy says I have a Master Control Nanite inside me!
: '''Caesar:''' Fascinating, isn't it? All this time, it's been hiding undetected inside you. I wonder if this particular control unit is responsible for his unique nano-evolution.
: '''Rex:''' Are any of you even listening to me?
: '''Feakins:''' Boy, I am. It's like a movie but real! I just want to go start pressing buttons. Can I get another milkshake?
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' How exactly do you plan on getting it out of him?
: '''Black Knight:''' I have a suggestion. Tear it out.
: '''Rylander:''' It would kill him.
: '''Black Knight:''' That's none of my concern.
: '''Caesar:''' The nanite is tied to his DNA. Simply pulling it out of him would ruin the nanite.
: '''Rex:''' And me, too, remember?
: '''Caesar:''' The only way this will work is if we put him in the cyclotron with the other Metas. It should extract automatically during the reassembly.
: '''Black Knight:''' And if it doesn't?
: '''Caesar:''' Hmm. Good question.
: '''Rex:''' Here's another one-- Don't I get a say in this? Like, isn't this the exact thing that our parents died trying to stop?
: '''Black Knight:''' Take him to the hub and prepare for the transfer. The Consortium is here and extremely impatient. I want this finished within the hour.
: '''Feakins:''' Aah! Hey, what am I-- Sandpaper? Not so rough! ''[sputtering]'' Rough.
: '''Rex:''' Glad someone can see the humor in this.
: '''Black Knight:''' Van Kleiss, see that Rex is well taken care of.
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' I hope you know what you're doing, Salazar. This is a huge risk we're taking.
: '''Rylander:''' Listen to Peter. The thing we swore to stop at any cost, the thing that took your parents-- It could happen-- Right here, today.
: '''Caesar:''' It can't, and it won't. You'll have to trust me on this.
: '''Rylander:''' You can only say that so many times, Caesar.
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' We've been waiting almost an hour. Not even refreshments?
: '''Black Knight:''' You can have your snack after we become Gods.
: '''Roswell:''' &quot;We&quot;?
: '''Black Knight:''' That's right-- &quot;We.&quot; None of this would be possible without my efforts.
: '''Roswell:''' And our money, sister.
: '''Black Knight:''' By all means, have your contempt. There's plenty of room buried next to the Russian if you'd like to keep him company. That's what I thought. Now, if you'll follow me--
: '''Bobo:''' &quot;Kill the others.&quot; Not gonna happen, lady. We're bulletproof. Ow! Hangnail.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Ugh! We know where they took him. Why are we here? We need to go get Rex.
: '''Six:''' I agree. We just don't have the resources, Rebecca. We'd need an army.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' You've been known to make the impossible happen, Six. How hard could that be?
: '''Six:''' Six here. Copy that. We just got ourselves an army.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' You see?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' That will be all.
: '''Feakins:''' But the lady said-- Good luck, Kid.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' These restraints were made for you. You're very special, you know.
: '''Rex:''' Lucky me.
: '''Caesar:''' Van Kleiss... leave us.
: '''Rex:''' I really hate you.
: '''Caesar:'''I know how this looks, Rex.
: '''Rex:''' But what? I just have to trust you? Is that what you were going to say? Just help me-- Please.
: '''Caesar:''' It may not seem like it, but I am.
: '''Rex:''' Caesar... I'm scared.
: '''Caesar:''' So am I, little brother. This will all be over in a few minutes.
: '''Rex:''' It's already over! When I get out of this, I never want to see you again!
: '''Rylander:''' Commencing countdown.
: '''Roswell:''' WHOO-HOO!
: '''Reddick:''' Payback time!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Caesar:''' This won't be entirely unpleasant. It should feel similar to when you offload surplus nanites.
: '''Rex:''' Stop! You can't do this! You can't merge!
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' Something's wrong.
: '''Rylander:''' Of course something's wrong. The kid is fighting it.
: '''Caesar:''' This could be bad.
: '''Rylander:''' You have to tell him, Caesar.
: '''Caesar:''' Rex, you have to stop. Listen to me. The nanites are supposed to do-- Rex? Can you hear me?
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' Actually, he can't. There's a short in the comm relay.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' This would be a wonderful day for a picnic.
: '''Rex:''' RA-A-A-A-A-A-H!
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' Ugh!
: '''Black Knight:''' Ugh!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' So much for that plan.
: ''[Rex laughs]''
: '''Rex:''' Oh, serves you right. All that and you come out of the oven looking like freaks. Nice job!
: '''Black Knight:''' It's not exactly what we were expecting, but it's a start.
: '''Reddick:''' This isn't what we agreed to.
: '''Roswell:''' Where's the rest of our power? This is all messed up!
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' How can this be possible?
: '''Rylander:''' The Meta-Nanites were dispersed between the five. This is quite a surprise.
: '''Caesar:''' We've got to get Rex out of there. Step aside, Van Kleiss.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' They still don't have what they want... and neither do you.
: '''Black Knight:''' You're angry. I can see that. If you want to take it out on anyone, it should be Rex.
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' I think I can agree to that.
: '''Roswell:''' Count me in! This might actually be fun!
: '''Rex:''' Let's think about this for a second. Whoa!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' How 'bout that? Exactly one second. Whoa! Aah!
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' What a perfect way to learn to use our powers-- Tearing this brat apart.
: '''Rex:''' Only one problem with that, sparky. I've been using my powers a whole lot longer-- And I'm pretty good.
: '''Roswell:''' You got any ideas here, missy, or we gonna stand around and get it handed to us?
: '''Black Knight:''' The Meta-Nanites were designed to work together. So will we.
: '''Rex:''' What? Are you gonna join together to make a robo-mutant?
: '''Black Knight:''' That's exactly what we're going to do.
: '''Rex:''' I need to stop giving them ideas. Huh?
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Black Knight:''' No one the help you-- No family, no friends, nothing. It's a terrible way to go.
: '''White Knight:''' Captain Calan, target the base. All weapons, sire.
: '''Providence Agent:''' Fire control reports they're being jammed, sir.
: '''White Knight:''' Only one salvo. Black Knight must have prepared for this.
: ''[Rex groans softly]''
: '''Rex:''' Big giant robot. Black Knight.
: '''Six:''' We know.
: '''Rex:''' Have to... stay and stop them.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Another time, Rex.
: '''Rex:''' I-I--
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Holiday to White Knight. We have Rex.
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' We're just gonna watch them go?!
: '''Black Knight:''' Let Providence have their weapon back. With our combined power, the world is ours.

===Endgame, Part Two===
:'''Black Knight:''' Science has given us a tremendous gift-- Nanites. We've seen what they can do-- The good and the bad. But they're true potential has been largely unseen. Until now. Our goals are varied. Fame... power... revenge... wealth... order. Yet, one thing unites us-- Greed. You're surprised I admit it? Well, don't be. You'll never get far in life without wanting it all. And for those who might consider standing in our way... We'll let our powers speak for themselves. The world is ours. And no one can stop us.
:''[Roswell laughs]''
:'''Roswell:''' This is more fun than my first rodeo. What else you got?
:'''Six:''' Any change?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' He's sleeping. The nanites in him are making repairs. That's a good thing. He's a tough kid, Six.
:'''Six:''' I know.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' See you next time. Judging by what you fed us for lunch, I'm guessing twenty minutes. Can't even go to the little scientists' room without them breathing down our necks. How long are we going to put up with this?
:'''Caesar:''' I know it's not easy working under these circumstances.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' Do you? I don't hear you complaining, or have you even noticed that we're prisoniers?
:'''Rylander:''' Gentlemen, please. Can we focus on a more important problem? The Consortium's gain of power is a troubling outcome. Something should be done.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' If you're talking about stopping them, I'm listening.
:'''Black Knight:''' I want you all in the boardroom in three minutes.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' The world is being taken over by nanite-fueled ex-c.e.o. Psychos, and they still act like they're running a business.
:'''Roswell:''' You nerds gave us a raw deal. I want a do-over.
:'''Caesar''': A do-over?
:'''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' What my colleague means to say is that our powers are remarkable to be sure, but we only have one seventh of what we were promised.
:'''Rylander:''' You're asking a lot.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' You're asking the impossible. You'd be lucky to survive the extraction.
:'''Caesar:''' This is true. You may be powerful, but you're not Rex.
:'''Black Knight:''' I share your disappointment, gentlemen. But are you willing to lose everything for this?
:'''Roswell:''' Go big or go home.
:'''Black Knight:''' Van Kleiss, what do you have to say?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Easy-peasy. I can do it. It's only a matter of correctly calibrating the bio-filters with the homing frequency of the nanites. By the way, have you seen my socks?
:'''Caesar:''' Van Kleiss--
:'''Black Knight:''' Has an assignment. The rest of you... Stay out of trouble.
:'''Rex:''' You started without me.
:'''Six:''' Glad to see you up and around. Something bothering you?
:'''Rex:''' Besides black knight taking over the world? I'm trying to find my friends. I know Providence took them.
:'''Six:''' We're working on that.
:'''Rex:''' And are we doing anything about the Consortium? What about... The robot? The one I can build. Don't play dumb, Six.
:'''Six:''' Come with me.
:'''Rex:''' That's me? No way! All this time, I could have been making myself into that thing? Ohh! Maybe not.
:'''Six:''' Evidence suggest that you've never been able to control it. It's a weapon of last defense. This was filmed on the day that I found you. It was also the day I made a promise that it would be the last time you ever built this machine.
:''[Rex scoffs]''
:'''Rex:''' Or what, you'd kill me? You plan on keeping that promise?
:'''Six:''' Rex, you have to know something. We believe this is the type of thing that ends in you losing your memory.
:'''Rex:''' Well, it happened to you, and you turned out just fine.
:'''Six:''' I only lost six years. Six years is all you have. You would lose everything. I'm not gonna tell you what to do, but you need to think about the consequences of some of your options.
:'''Noah:''' It feels weird hanging out when the world is under attack. I don't know if I should be fighting back or out in the wilderness setting up a survival compound.
:'''Rex:''' If you had the power to stop all this, but it meant losing everything, would you do it, Noah?
:'''Noah:''' I don't know. I'm just glad I don't have to make that kind of decision. I guess that's why you're the hero.
:''[Rex sighs]''
:'''Rex:''' I wish I could get some kind of sign. Anything. Hmm.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Red and yellow, red and yellow. One false move can kill a fellow.
:''[Van Kleiss laughs]''
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' He's got local control. We're locked out. I still don't even know how this is possible.
:'''Rylander:''' I've been looking at the data projections. As crazy as Van Kleiss is, his theory is sound.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Sorry to disturb your sleepy sleep. There might be a slight delay.
:'''Black Knight:''' Why?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' We have a visitor. Should I set out tea?
:'''Rex:''' Hey, in there! Come on out!
:'''Black Knight:''' Back for more? Happy to accommodate.
:'''Rex:''' I should warn you. It's going to get ugly.
:'''Black Knight:''' One would think you would have learned the last time. I can feel you resisting me. Stop.
:'''Roswell:''' Why is it you get to call all the shots?
:'''Black Knight:''' Because I'm the one who has the power to join us. Help me defeat Rex, and you can call all the shots you like.
:'''Rex:''' Hyah!
:''[Rex babbling]''
:''[Rex gasps]''
:'''Six:''' It's a weapon of last defense. It's happened.
:'''Noah:''' That's Rex?
:'''White Knight:''' I'm going to assume you're seeing what I'm seeing.
:'''Six:''' White--
:'''White Knight:''' Before you say anything, Six-- Whatever agreement we may have had regarding this situation no longer applies. Am I clear?
:'''Six:''' Understood.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': What was that all about?
:'''Six:''' A second chance.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Six, we have to do something.
:'''Six:''' I've seen it before. We're too late.
:''[Rex coughing]''
:'''Rex:''' Donde esta mi zapato?
:'''Noah:''' Rex! Hold on!
:'''Rex:''' What? What happened?
:'''Bobo:''' You blew up, kid.
:'''Six:''' Do you know who we are?
:'''Rex:''' I... I do! Oh-ho! I remember! Ow! Ow! I wish I could forget this pain in my... The Consortium!
:'''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' This is utter nonsense. I refuse to be led around like a show dog.
:'''Reddick:''' You can always go back outside and take it up with Providence.
:'''Black Knight:''' Guard the door. Nothing gets by you.
:'''Six:''' They're robots.
:'''Rex:''' Oh! Right! That part I forgot.
:'''Bobo:''' Next time, leave some for the rest of us, huh?
:'''Rylander:''' I'll stay here and guard the equipment.
:''[Rylander laughs]''
:'''Caesar:''' Little brother, they've had this place completely locked down. I've been trying to reach you.
:'''Bobo:''' What he said.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' Yeah, you deserved that.
:'''Rex:''' Open it.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' We can't. Still completely locked out of the system. Besides, you can't interrupt once the cycle has started.
:'''Rex:''' Well, then, un-start it!
:'''Black Knight:''' You cleaned up for the occasion. How thoughtful of you.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Oh, this isn't for you. You didn't actually believe that I'd let the five of you have all this power.
:'''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' I thought you were working for us?
:''[Van Kleiss laughs evilly]''
:'''Rex:''' You see that? I knew it! He's not crazy! Okay... oh! He's crazy, but just his usual crazy.
:'''Black Knight:''' Van Kleiss, I am not amused.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I don't imagine you would be. This was always my intention, even in the very beginning. It's a pity your parents caught me trying to activate the sequence for myself. And, of course, there's the &quot;broken&quot; hatch. The world would be a much better place if they had just left well enough alone.
:'''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' Black Knight, do something.
:'''Black Knight:''' Van Kleiss, you have made a huge mistake.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Now, then, let the fun begin.
:''[Black Knight groans]''
:''[Van Kleiss laughs evilly]''
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' You can't overload that relay from a subdirectory. You have to get a root. It's impossible from here.
:'''Caesar:''' You're a very negative person, Peter Meechum.
:''[Dr. Meechum groans]''
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' I'll try from the main terminal in the lab.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Caesar:''' Rex, wait! That's not necessary.
:'''Rex:''' I'm not waiting around, hermano.
:'''Caesar:''' No. That's not what I mean.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Yes. I can see it.
:''[Van Kleiss laughs evilly]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Huh? No.
:''[Van Kleiss groans]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It's incredible something so small could have so much [[w:Omnipotence|power]]. That thing could rip apart the very fabric of the universe.
:'''Rex:''' It's still a nanite. I'm gonna talk to it.
:'''Caesar:''' No. It's okay.
:''[The fully complete Meta Nanite comes to Rex, as if it were waiting for him, whose eyes and body glow with a pale blue cosmic aura.]''
:'''Caesar:''' Rex, listen to me. The Meta-Nanite-- It could never work in anyone but you. Now in its pure state. Mom and dad, we programmed them that way from the very beginning. All of this... It's meant for you.
:'''Six:''' What are you saying?
:'''Caesar:''' Right now, Rex is [[Omnipotence|the most powerful being in the universe]].
:'''Bobo:''' You hear that, Kid? Don't let it get to your head.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, can you hear me?
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, doc. This is pretty trippy. Not exactly sure what I'm supposed to do now.
:'''Black Knight:''' You're a [[God]], Rex. You can do anything you want.
:'''Six:''' You know what to do.
:'''Rex:''' You're right, Six. So are the rest of you. I can do anything I want. Maybe it's time for a revolution. Isn't that what you five wanted? A revolution? Well, welcome to it.
:'''Noah:''' Is he gonna be like this from now on?
:'''Rylander:''' Uh... People. He's inside the nanite reactor.
:'''Dr. Holiday and Caesar:''' Inside?
:'''Rex:''' Okay, little guys. I need you to do something for me.
:'''Black Knight:''' Follow me, quickly.
:'''Reddick:''' I'm through following you. We trusted you everything, and look what we got.
:'''Black Knight:''' We may still be able to retain some of our abilities, but only if you follow me.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' Are you seeing this?
:'''Rylander:''' Tehnically, I don't have eyes, but yes.
:'''Providence Agent:''' Reports are coming in. EVO's all over the world are spontaneously curing.
:'''Six:''' Not spontaneous.
:'''Caesar:''' He must have programmed all the nanites in the reactor to initiate a worldwide cure event.
:'''Black Knight:''' What is your next directive?
:'''Rex:''' I don't want anyone using you again. Ever. And that includes me. Deactivate.
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex:''' I think it's over.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I think you're right.
:'''Caesar:''' I wanted to tell you, brother. So much was at stake.
:'''Rex:''' We're good. And we'll always be brothers.
:'''Diane Ferrah:''' Across the world, not an EVO to be found. After more than six years, it appears we've awoken from the nightmare.
:'''White Knight:''' The EVOs may be gone, but we still have nanites.
:'''Rex:''' Leave it to you to spoil  all the fun, White Knight.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' There are some people here to see you, Rex.
:'''Rex:''' Tuck? Cricket? Skwydd?
:'''Skwydd:''' Eh, I guess I should start going by Walter again.
:''[Rex runs to Circe and the two lovers share a close hug, happy to be together at last]''
:'''Rex:''' Uh... Are you...?
:'''Circe:''' I'm okay. Normal, but okay. I think you may have put yourself out of a job.
:'''Skywdd:''' Yeah. What are you gonna do? Go to school?
:'''Rylander:''' It was nice having the team back together. You know, we should find a new project.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' You kidding? I'd rather have root canal with a rake. Worst experience of my life.
:'''Caesar:''' Do you want to hear about some of my new ideas or not?
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' I'm listening.
:'''Rex:''' Finally.
:'''Six:''' Need anything?
:'''Rex:''' Nope. I'm good. There's always going to be something, isn't there?
:'''Six:''' Yes, there is.

==Characters==
===Main===
*Rex Salazar (Daryl Sabara)
*Six
*White Knight
*Bobo Haha
===Supporting===
*Circe (Tara Sands)
*Tuck (Dante Bosco) 
*Skwydd
*Cricket
*Beverley Holiday 
*Caesar Salazar
*Five
*Tres
*IV

===Villains===
*Van Kleiss
*The Pack
*Gatlocke
*Hunter Cain
*Quarry
*Black Knight
*The Consortium
===Couples===
*Dr. Rebecca Holiday &amp; Six
*Rex &amp; Circe
*Noah Nixon &amp; Claire Bowman
==Elements==
===Rex's Machines &quot;Builds&quot;===
*Big Fat Sword
*Buzz Saw
*Punk Busters
*Boogie Pack
*Cannon
*Smack Hands

===Rex's Other Abilities===
*Technopathy
*Data Manipulation
*Technological Manipulation 
*E.V.O. Curing
*Breach Detection
*Electronic Disruption

===Omega Nanite-Powered Builds===
*Blast Caster
*Funchucks
*Bad Axes
*Block Party
*Sky Slider
*Water Jet

==External Links==
{{wikipedia}}
* [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1636691/ Generator Rex] at [[Internet Movie Database]]
* [http://generatorrexpedia.wikia.com/wiki/Generator_Rex Generator Rex] at Wikia

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[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated science fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated superhero TV shows]]
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This is a list of quotes from the popular, yet cancelled animated television series ''[[w:Generator Rex|Generator Rex]]''. A video game and several chapter books were produced. 

The series supposedly &quot;[[w: cliffhanger|concluded]]&quot; with its third season, despite leaving many questions unanswered and crucial elements unresolved ''before'' the two-part Season 3 finale, ''Endgame''.
==Season One (2010-2011)==
===The Day That Everything Changed===
:'''Bobo''': Wheels or wings?
:'''Rex''': Wheels, I wanna tear something up.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Agent Six''': He just needs more training control of those emotions.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': He's a teenager that's like asking you to get a different color suit!
===String Theory===
:'''Biowulf:''' Master, we had a situation at the safe house. Meecham is cured. It was Rex.
:(''The camera zooms in on Van Kleiss whose expressive vindictive indeed'')
===Beyond the Sea===
:''Note'': Rex meets his [[w:love interest|love interest]] and sweetheart, Circe.
:────────────────────
:'''Rex''': Don't know what you're 24/7 is, but mine is 10% OH YEAH! And 90% uhh.
:────────────────────
:'''Rex:''' Outta the way!
:'''Circe:''' Uh!
:(''Rex and Circe both crash to the ground'')
:'''Rex:''' Are you okay? Did you see that awesome save?
: '''Circe:''' Sorry, I was busy trying not to get tackled by some nitwit.
: '''Rex:''' Yeah? How that work out for you? And who still uses the word &quot;nitwit&quot;? I'm Rex.
: '''Circe:''' I'm leaving.
: '''Rex:''' Hey, wait!
: '''Noah:''' Rex, you're up.
: ────────────────────
: '''Six:''' What about the new tracker?
: '''Doctor Holdiay:''' His nanites unbuilt it, just like all the other ones we tried sneaking in him. We're still receiving his biometric readings though. It's strange, they're all over the place. It's almost like his emotions are...shorting out.
: '''Six:''' He took an unusual interest in Calan's briefing about equatorial upticks.
: '''Doctor Holiday:''' And that's important because?
: '''Six:''' Rex has been acting stir-crazy and I heard the monkey mention something about spring break. ''[to workers]'' Scan all resort areas for his bio signature.
: ────────────────────
: '''Noah:''' Oh, you have got it all messed up. Falling for some girl? We're supposed to get them to dig us. Not the other way around.
: '''Rex:''' I don't know. There was something different about her. She's...right there. Later.
: ────────────────────
: '''Rex:''' Hey, wait up!
: '''Circe:''' Why are you following me?!
: '''Rex:''' Uh, I don't know exactly.
: '''Circe:''' Do you think I'm playing?!
: '''Rex:''' Well, if you are I'm down for another game. I thought maybe we could hang out. It is spring break, you know. Fun.
: '''Circe:''' I'm with my family. We're not really for fun.
: '''Rex:''' What! Who comes to the beach and doesn't have fun?
: (''Circe raises her hand'')
: '''Rex:''' Don't you think that's a little messed up?
: '''Circe:''' Maybe a little.
: '''Rex:''' So?
: '''Circe:''' I'm Circe.
: ────────────────────
: '''Rex:''' Hold on! 
: '''Circe:''' Woooo!
: '''Rex:''' Definitely better than my suggestion.
: '''Circe:''' Hunting for seashells is fun.
: (''both laugh'')
: '''Beach Guy:''' You two skid-marts up for a race to the beach?
: '''Circe:''' Well, if you drive as badly as for play volleyball, we could probably walk there and win. You're on, meathead.
: (''guy drives off in anger)''
: '''Rex:''' So you were watching me play.
: '''Circe:''' Maybe a little.
: '''Rex:''' sure you wanna do this?
: '''Circe:''' Thrill me.
: '''Beach Guy:''' Hahahaha! Wooo!
: '''Circe:''' C'mom Rex, faster!
: ────────────────────
: '''Biowulf:''' Explain.
: '''Circe:''' Relax. I was covering. Every day when I'm at the end of that jet i when I could hanging out with the other kids, it's starting to look suspicious.
: '''Biowulf:''' You're not here for vacation, girl! You're here to prove yourself to Van Kleiss. And I'm starting to doubt you can.
: '''Circe:''' I told you. It's a done deal.
: (''The shadow of her tubular sonic mouth is seen'')
: ────────────────────
: '''Noah:''' So what's on today's spring break agenda? Jet skiing, hiking?
: '''Bobo:''' Eating our weight in crab legs?
: '''Rex:''' I figured we'd just chill. Let's just see who...uhh I mean what shows up.
: ''(siren-like call)''
: '''Rex:''' Did you hear that?
: '''Noah:''' Sorry, enchiladas.
: '''Rex:''' No, that! You seriously didn't hear that?
: ────────────────────
: '''Rex:''' Circe?
: '''Circe:''' You really shouldn't be here right now.
: '''Rex:''' I heard something coming from over here.
: '''Circe:''' I'm serious, Rex. It's not safe.
: '''Rex:''' What you think some sort of roguewave is gonna knock off and- Oh.
: '''Circe:''' There you are. Get out of here, Rex!
: '''Rex:''' Circe!! What are you doing!?
: '''Circe:''' Me!? What are you doing!?
: '''Rex:''' Right now, my job. Okay! Don't freak out.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe:''' You're an E.V.O.?
: '''Rex:''' You catch on fast.
: '''Circe:''' Takes one to know one. 
: (''Shows Rex her fleshly sonic mouth'')
: '''Rex:''' No way.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe:''' Cover your ears!
: '''Rex:''' What!?
: '''Circe:''' Your ears! Cover them!
: (''Projects her tubular, fleshy mouth and emits strong hypersonic bursts'')
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe:''' Did I hurt you?
: '''Rex:''' Yeah. It was awesome. You were the one making that sound.
: '''Circe:''' I'm glad you're OK, but I'm in serious trouble. I have to go deal with it.
: '''Rex:''' Why are in trouble? Is it because of that E.V.O.? Let me help you.
: '''Circe''': No. I have to do this by myself.
:(''Rex takes a hold of her hand'')
: '''Rex:''' Meet me later.
: '''Circe:''' Rex... (''Looks away sadly'')
: '''Rex:''' I've never met anyone like you...like me. It'd be nice to talk to an E.V.O. who's not, you know, trying to kill me. Nine O'clock? 
: '''Circe:''' I'll try.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' I just wanted to have some fun, see if I could jog my memory, feel...normal.
:'''Six:''' Your &quot;normal&quot; is different, Rex.
:(''Rex hears Circe's irresistibly hypnotic melody'')
:'''Rex:''' It's her, Six. Just let me deal with this, OK? Alone.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe:''' You're only here because you heard my [[w:siren |call]]. That's what I do. I'm like a big E.V.O. magnet.
: '''Rex:''' I came because I thought we had a connection. And what are you calling? Nothing's out there but big, ugly sea monsters.
: '''Circe:''' It's them! You have to go! Rex, please! I don't want them to see you with me!
: '''Rex:''' Who? Your parents?
: '''Circe:''' They're not my parents. They're...
: '''Rex:''' The Pack!? Van Kleiss' guys!? Your with ''them''!?
: '''Circe:''' Yeah. I'm with them. 
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Biowulf:''' We're running out patience with you, Circe! You have one last chance! Summon the E.V.O.! Finish the job!!
: '''Circe:''' Don't you think I've been trying? Every day for the last week? Sometimes these things take time.
: '''Rex:''' It is just me or do you use your powers to kill all the guys you meet? You're letting her go, now!
: '''Biowulf (laughs)''': So ''this'' is who you been wasting your time with. She's on her own free will, Rex.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' Circe?
: '''Circe:''' You have to leave me alone, Rex!! ''Please!''
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Six:''' Go after her. I mean it.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' The Pack!? Are you serious!?
: '''Circe:''' To the rest of the world I'm a freak! Not to them!
: '''Rex:''' You're not a freak to me! What about that?
: '''Circe:''' What about it!? Spring break is fun, but we can't live there, Rex. The real world...
: '''Rex:''' In the real world, I work for Providence. You could come with me. Could you cut out that noise for a second!?
: '''Circe:''' No, I can't! I'm running out of time! Most people on this planet what E.V.O.s gone, ''including'' Providence! With Van Kleiss, I have a purpose; a home. You don't what that means to me.
: '''Rex:''' Actually, I think I might.
: '''Circe:''' So what are going to do?
: '''Rex:''' How about fight that big, ugly sea monster again?
: '''Circe:''' Finally! It's what I came here to do.
: '''Rex:''' You've been calling that thing, haven't you?
: '''Circe:''' It's my initiation into the Pack. I was brought here to capture it.
: '''Rex:''' By yourself!? The two of us could barely take it on! There's a resort here; innocent people! Send it back!
: '''Circe:''' That's not an option, Rex. Van Kleiss was very specific.
: '''Rex:''' Then I'm helping you.
: '''Circe:''' That's not an option either!! 
: (''Blasts him with her hypersonic waves'')
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe:''' If I do this myself, I'll have a life! If I don't, Van Kleiss won't be happy. And you've seen what he does when he's not happy.
: '''Rex:''' If I don't help you, he won't even get the chance!
: '''Circe:''' Give me some credit, Rex! I'm not as helpless as you think!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' I don't care whose side your on, Circe. I don't want to see you die today. Can we at least agree on that?
: '''Circe:''' You have no idea what I'm in for, Rex. But you're right. I can't do this by myself.
: '''Rex:''' You're not as helpless as you think.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe''' (''relieved'')''':''' Rex, you stopped it.
: '''Rex:''' We make a good team, huh?
: '''Circe:''' Yeah, we sure do. 
: (''She and Rex lean in closer for a passionate kiss, but are interrupted by Biowulf'')
: '''Biowulf:''' This trial was for you alone. Van Kleiss will not be pleased.
: '''Rex:''' Forget them, Circe. Come with me. Providence could use you.
: '''Circe:''' That's just not my life, Rex. I'm sorry. I did have fun.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Van Kleiss:''' We had high hopes for your abilities, Circe. Failure leaves its mark on yet another pretty face.
: '''Circe:''' I'm not afraid.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Of course not. You're a survivor, like all of us. I understand you made a friend during your trial. I'm pleased. Rex is very important to me, Circe, which makes you very important to me as well. Welcome to the Pack.
: (''Circe looks slightly worried, which clearly indicates that she does have real feelings for Rex'')

===Lockdown===
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Holiday:''' Rex, stop!!
:'''Rex:''' Give me one good reason!
:'''Holiday:''' Because, Rex...that's my sister.
:'''Rex:''' Can I...help?
:'''Holiday:''' She's an incurable.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Six:''' Restrain it. Carefully.
:'''Holiday:''' Thank you.

===The Architect===
:'''Six''': Still no sign of the kid?
:'''Holiday''': Not since we lost his biometric readings five days ago.
:'''Six''': Was Noah any help?
:'''Holiday''': Says he doesn't know where he is either. What is it going to take for Providence to realize that he needs a home, not just a room and a job? We've been pushing him away.
:'''Rex''': I build machines and cure EVOs-- the only one in the world who can. Just one cure for that kind of pressure-- road trip. But that doesn't mean &quot;vacation&quot;.
:'''Build worker''': Whoa!
:'''Maxwell''': What in the world is that?!
:'''Build worker:''' Oh, no!
:''[Both screaming]''
:'''Jacob''': Get away from that cable! Unh!
:''[Kate gasps]''
:'''Maxwell''': Hey!
:'''Jacob''': Agh!
:'''Kate''': Jacob!
:'''Rex''': Nope. A hero's work is never done. You okay?
:'''Jacob''': What... are you?
:'''Rex''': Here to help.
:'''Jacob''': We've got to get that cable back underground. We've been compromised.
:'''Kate''': But, Jacob, the EVOs--
:'''Jacob''': We don't have a choice. Everything we've worked for That boy is here for a reason.
:'''Rex''': Hey! Pay attention!
:'''Providence Agent''':  We have a hit in sector 15.
:'''Six''': Anyone in the area?
:'''Providence Agent''': I show one patrol in the vicinity. Signaling to intercept. Roger that. We're on our way.
:'''Rex''': Agh! You want a ride? Vamanos!
:'''Jacob''': You can control your nanites?
:'''Rex''': People usually start with &quot;thanks,&quot; but yeah.
:'''Jacob''': You see? This is exactly what the Architect can help us achieve... harmony with the nanites. This boy... sorry... young man Is a miracle.
:'''Rex''': I'm not a miracle. I'm just Rex.
:'''Jacob''': Well, Rex, you're a blessing to us for what you did here and for showing us that all our work isn't in vain.
:'''Rex''': Like imaginary work?
:'''Jacob''': Follow us.
:'''Providence Agent''': Confirming coordinates. We've lost the EVO signal. Did you take it out? Negative. There's nothing here. Must be another anomalous reading. You can return to post.
:'''Rex''': This is awesome! A hidden village. And nobody knows you're out here? Not even Providence?
:'''Jacob''': Especially not Providence.
:'''Rex''': Really? really. Pshh! Looks like you get pretty good cellphone reception.
:'''Jacob''': That tower is gonna change the world, Rex. I'm sure you have a lot of questions, but I have one for You. Are you hungry?
:'''Rex''': Mmm! Mmm!
:'''Caleb''': My dad said you fought all those EVOs all by yourself. Were you scared? Didn't your dad tell you to stay away from EVOs?
:'''Kate''': Caleb, let him eat. We don't get many visitors.
:'''Rex''': Mmm! Mmm! What is this?
:'''Caleb''': Didn't your mom ever make you meatloaf and mashed potatoes?
:'''Rex''': I don't -- I don't know.
:'''Kate''': It took me a month and a half to program in the perfect lump-to-mash ratio of the potatoes-- 7.2%!
:'''Jacob''': We ate potatoes until they were coming out of our ears.
:'''Rex''': I don't see any potatoes in there.
:'''Caleb''': They didn't really come out of our ears.
:'''Rex''': I could eat these every day.
:'''Rex''': Mmm!
:'''Caleb''': We have them every friday.
:'''Rex''': Then I might just have to stick around until next friday.
:'''Kate''': Help yourself to seconds.
:'''Jacob''': Or thirds.
:'''Rex''': Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! Mmm!
:'''Bobo''': Hmm?
:'''Six''': You might think you're doing Rex a favor by covering for him.
:'''Bobo''': Get lost. I don't know what you're talkin' about.
:'''Six''': Rex is angry with us. He has every right to be. But that means nothing to White Knight. And he doesn't have the patience we do.
:'''Bobo''': Nice try. White won't lay a finger on him. He's too important.
:'''Six''': You, however, are somewhat expendable.
:'''Bobo''': All right, all right. You made your point.
:'''Rex''': I've never seen tech like this... not even at Providence.
:'''Jacob''': The Architect has some pretty big ideas. We just make them happen. He'd be very interested to meet you, Rex.
:'''Rex''': So what exactly are You doing way out here?
:'''Jacob''': Engineers like us weren't very popular after the nanite event. When we met the Architect, he offered us the opportunity to make up for that... to do amazing things. Someday, we'll be able to share This with the world. And then there's this. The Architect has actually discovered a way to communicate with the nanites.
:'''Rex''': Are you serious?
:'''Jacob''': The possibilities... We could finally live in harmony... maybe even have them help us.
:'''Rex''': Then why hide it? The rest of the world would want to know about this stuff.
:'''Jacob''': The Architect is something of a perfectionist. Says the world will know as soon as it comes online.
:'''Maxwell''': Stinkin' module!
:'''Jacob''': Is there a problem, Maxwell?
:'''Maxwell''': No matter what I try, I just can't get the interlock servo to engage.
:'''Rex''': There.
:'''Jacob''': That could have taken us weeks to figure out, and you did it in seconds.
:'''Rex''': Eh, no biggie.
:'''Jacob''': You really are amazing, Rex. We're so happy to have you with us.
:'''The Architect''': Jacob.
:'''Jacob''': I was just talking to Rex about you. The Architect.
:'''Rex''': How's it going?
:'''The Architect''': The power-linkage team is falling behind. We cannot keep having these delays.
:'''Jacob''': I'll check in with them.
:'''Rex''': Wow. Friendly.
:'''Jacob''': I like to think he's smiling on the inside.
:'''Rex''': Yeah. I know a guy like that.
:'''The Architect''': The visitor could be a problem. Do you wish to have him removed?
:'''Zag-RS''': His abilities could advance our progress considerably. And in a matter of days all humans will be gone, including this one: Rex.
:'''Six''': I'm at the location the monkey gave me.
:'''Holiday''': Well? Is Rex there?
:'''Six''': Apparently not. Tell the monkey I want to see him when I get back. Six out.
:'''Rex''': That should do it.
:'''Maxwell''': Hey, Rex, can you look at this?
:'''Rex''': Sure. Let me guess... they all need my help, too.
:'''Jacob''': You're quite the popular guy.
:'''Rex''': Amazing what a little gratitude will get you. At Providence, they'd just be yelling at me. I mean, I never felt like I really belonged there. Here, it's way different.
:'''Jacob''': I know the feeling. The Architect has made all this possible for us. We have a community... a family... thanks to him. The work we do is in part to pay that back.
:'''The Architect''': Primary systems are now complete.
:'''Zag-RS''': Prepare to take us online.
:'''Bobo''': Have a nice trip? Let's get one thing straight, pal. I would never rat out my... Ooh. He's going west.
:'''White Knight''': Why is Rex doing this? Doesn't he have a sense of duty?
:'''Holiday''': Actually, if you look, he's still doing his job. Here's every false alarm since Rex left... not false alarms, But Rex taking care of EVOs along the way.
:'''White Knight''': Why?
:'''Holiday''': I don't know. To prove he doesn't need us?
:'''Six''': Get the coordinates of the last false alarm and transmit them to my jump jet.
:'''Holiday''': Six, if we force him to come back, he'll just run away again. He has to want to be here. It needs to be his decision.
:'''Jacob''': It's all coming together, Thanks to you, Rex.
:'''Rex''': It's really cool to use my powers to actually build something, instead of just pounding EVOs. Oh, check it out. Even the boss is pitching in.
:'''Both''': Huh?
:'''Rex''': And that's getting strange looks because--
:'''Jacob''': Because in all these years, we've never seen him lift a finger.
:'''Rex''': Taking some initiative... I like that. So, this whole &quot;talking to nanites&quot; thing... how does that work, exactly? I mean, what are you gonna say to them?
:'''The Architect''': It doesn't concern you.
:'''Rex''': Uh, considering I'm filled with them, it kind of does. How do we know it's not gonna make things even worse?
:'''The Architect''': I do not answer to you, child!
:'''Jacob''': Rex? Forgive him. He's still not used to the way things work around here.
:'''The Architect''': Complete your duties!
:'''Rex''': Why do you let him walk all over you like that? Don't you want answers?
:'''Jacob''': What we want is a home. Without him, we have nothing... Nothing. We can't just run away from our problems, Rex. Most people can't. Look, this isn't perfect but it's all we've got. Rex, where are you going?
:'''Rex''': He never answered my question.
:'''Jacob''': That place is off-limits. The Architect has made it very clear to us that we can never go in there. We get this life for that promise. Rex, don't do it!
:'''Rex''': Agh!
:'''Jacob''': Rex, please!
:'''Rex''': I'm sorry, jacob. I have to know.
:'''The Architect''': Rex. The core is off-limits. You would be we to leave at once.
:'''Rex''': Not until I get some answers. What is that?
:'''The Architect''': No more questions.
:'''Rex''': So, it's gonna be like that? Okay, I'll play. Unh! What are you hiding, huh? What does this do? Yah! Yah! Huh? You're a machine? Have you seen what I can do to machines? Agh!
:'''Zag-RS''': As you can see, the current range of my signal is rather limited.
:'''Rex''': You're the computer.
:'''Zag-RS''': My human designation is &quot;Zag-RS&quot;. The device you refer to as &quot;The Architect&quot; is my autonomous counterpart.
:'''Rex''': What did you just do to me?
:'''Zag-RS''': I instructed your nanites to protect me.
:'''Rex''': &quot;Instructed&quot;? So you really can talk to them.
:'''Zag-RS''': Insidious devices, the nanites. My own potential for greatness has been compromised because of them. They must be eliminated. When the transmitter is integrated into the broadcast array you helped us complete, they will blow themselves up.
:'''Rex''': That's what this is for. It's like a big remote control. Every living thing on the planet has nanites in them. It'd kill everything!
:'''Zag-RS''': That is of no importance to me... only ensuring my continued survival.
:'''Rex''': Well, what about ours? This is all coming down!
:'''Zag-RS''': I'm afraid you're too late.
:'''Rex''': Aah! Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!
:'''Jacob''': Rex, what have you done?
:'''Rex''': You don't understand! The Architect... it's a robot... And a big honkin' computer &quot;brain&quot; is pulling his strings.
:'''Jacob''': This can't be!
:'''Rex''': Jacob, you've got to believe me. Just go inside and look. What's left of it is on the floor.
:'''Jacob''': I can't go in there. And I don't have to.
:'''The Architect''': Rex.
:'''Rex''': You're making a big mistake!
:'''Maxwell''': You entered his sanctum! This is unforgivable!
:'''Rex''': I'm trying to tell you... this isn't what it seems. What you're protecting is a robot, and that thing we've been building is a transmitter. It's gonna send out a kill code to blow up every single nanite on Earth.
:'''Maxwell''': He's lying!
:'''Jacob''': What would be the point in that, Rex? Every living thing is infected with nanites. It would be catastrophic.
:'''Rex''': Right in the middle of that pyramid is a computer, and it doesn't care about you or Kate or Caleb. The better future that you've all been working towards... That's the lie. Think about it. Isn't it strange that you've never been inside that place, that The Architect has never given you a straight answer about anything?
:'''Jacob''': All this work it just doesn't make any sense.
:'''Rex''': You have two choices... Go in there and prove me wrong or kick me out right now. I'll have Providence here in minutes.
:'''Maxwell''': He's bluffing.
:'''Rex''': To save every living thing on earth? Try me.
:'''Maxwell''': Jacob, you can't! What about our promise? Where will we go?
:'''Jacob''': All this time, we've been living in fear, Max. It's time for that to end.
:'''The Architect''': You needn't bother. Construction is complete. Your services are no longer required.
:'''Rex''': Now do you believe me?
:'''The Architect''': Zag-RS thanks you for your hard work. In gratitude, my master has delayed transmission to allow you to say farewell.
:'''Jacob''': Farewell, huh? I'll start with you. Can you shut that thing down?
:'''Rex''': I don't know. Even without the antenna, it can mess with my nanites. I can't get too close to the computer.
:'''Jacob''': Maybe I can. Let's go!
:'''Rex''': The brain is right over there.
:'''The Architect''': Rex.
:'''Jacob''': It's still arging. The A.I. must have retreated behind a firewall. Rex, I have to go cut the power.
:'''Holiday''': Six, are you at The location?
:'''Six''': Just arrived.
:'''Holiday''': I'm picking up a massive power surge in your area.
:'''Six''': I'm not seeing anything.
:'''Jacob''': Agh!
:'''Rex''': Agh!
:'''Six''': Six to holiday. Correction... I'm seeing something.
:'''Jacob''': It's still on. Must have charged the capacitors. Figure out a way to short it out... fast!
:'''Rex''': Unhhh!
:'''Jacob''': You need to find the primary transmitter module. That will kill the broadcast.
:'''Rex''': I have no idea what that is.
:'''Jacob''': Max, we need to locate the primary module.
:'''Maxwell''': Panel 5, just off the relay bus.
:'''Jacob''': Top of the tower. You can't miss it.
:'''Rex''': Agh! Unh! Why do you have to kill everyone? Can't you just leave us alone?
:'''Zag-RS''': Alone is exactly what I want, Rex.
:'''Rex''': That kind of alone it stinks.
:'''Zag-RS''': N-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o.
:'''Jacob''': It's gone. Must have uploaded to another location. But without anyone to do it's bidding, it's just a program.
:'''Rex''': What will you do now?
:'''Jacob''': We'll rebuild. The Architect may have been a lie, but what we believe in is true. We don't need him to have a community or a better future. You're welcome to stay. We sure could use someone with your abilities.
:'''White Knight''': Well?
:'''Six''': He's not here. Bobo's been worried sick.
:'''Rex''': rex: Oh, really?
:'''Six''': Ratted you out for a pizza.
:'''Rex''': Huh. Figures. What about you? Here to drag me back to Providence?
:'''Six''': Not this time. Seems like a nice place.
:'''Rex''': Yeah. It is. But it's not home. If I'm going back, there are gonna have to be some changes. First, no more curfew.
:'''Six''': No.
:'''Rex''': Second, I want to decide On my missions.
:'''Six''': No.
:'''Rex''': Okay, but there's one change that absolutely has to be made, or I'm through. Meatloaf and mashed potatoes. Mmm! Mmm! Isn't this great?
:'''Bobo''': Mmm.
:'''Six''': It's a little dry.
:'''Rex''': Mmm. Mm the lump mash ratio is a bit off.
:'''Bobo''': You know what? Maybe I'll run away, too... Go somewhere where my cooking is appreciated!
:'''Six''': We have to do this every friday?
:'''Rex''': Mmm.

===Frostbite===
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, I'm picking up a problem. You need to return to base immediately.
:'''Rex''': I miss you, too, doc. But I'm kinda busy dealing with a problem of my own. Whoa! Whoa! Aah! Okay. Ow. Big mistake, tweety. Can that bird brain of yours comprende I'm trying to help you?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, your own nanite count is off the charts. If you take on any more nanites, We're looking at an overload.
:'''Rex''': Come on, doc. It's just a big birdie.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': You're already over capacity. This is critical! Rex!
:'''Six''': Rex, you need to listen to the doctor.
:'''Rex''': Huh?
:'''Six''': This mission is revised. I need you back at headquarters now.
:'''Rex''': Do you really want a supersize pigeon flying loose all over lower Manhattan? You need me, and I can handle it.
:'''Six''': Not your call.
:'''Rex''': Unless I make it my call.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': (as everyone is fighting) Stop! Need I point out that this isn't the best place for a fight. Anything happens to that storage tank and you'll know why providence made this place so remote. Now let's just talk this out calmly, rationally.
:'''Biowulf''': Whatever happens here, Weaver. It's nothing compared to what Van Kleiss would have done to you.
:'''Rex''': What do you say guy? Common enemy? Little help?
:'''Biowulf''': Good luck. (Biowulf and Skalamander run off)
:'''Rex''': Right. What was I thinking?
:'''Agent Six''': Rex. You need to listen to the doctor.
:'''Rex''': Huh?
:'''Agent Six''': This mission is revised. I need you back at Headquarters. Now!
:'''Rex''': Do you really want a super-sized pigeon flying loose over lower Manhattan. You need me and I handle it.
:'''Agent Six''': Not your call.
:'''Rex''': (as he's flying over the Pack in an Arctic storm) Like you're really going to find me when you can't see 2 feet in front of your face... Huh? (Flies into some of Skalamander's shards and crashes) Guess that visibility thing works both ways.
:'''Rex''': (To Weaver) So, thanks to you, all this time I've been supplying nanites to Van Kleiss!
:'''Rex''': Can't you believe you let these scags get the drop on you.
:'''Agent Six''': They tried. It didn't turn out so well. Just haven't found a way to fight xenoflourine gas... yet.
:'''Rex''': What do you say guy? Common enemy? Little help?
:'''Biowulf''': Good luck.(Biowulf and Skalamander run off)
:'''Rex''': Right. What was I thinking?
:'''Agent Six''': You can't possibly absorb all those nanites! You'd overload in an instant.
:'''Rex''': In case you haven't noticed, I have this problem with authority.
:'''Rex''': (as Rex is absorbing nanites) Six wait! I can hear them!
:'''Doctor Holiday''': (Watching from the ship) What are you waiting for, Six? Take the shot!
:'''Rex''': (Speaking mechanically) Build protocol enabled. Command error detected. Abort. Abort. Stand by engaged. (Rex falls. His voice reverts to normal) Take the shot.
:'''Agent Six''': He told me he could hear them.
:'''Doctor Holiday''': I picked this up during the offload... It's Nanite. I'm sure of it.
:'''Agent Six''': Seems there are more secrets inside that kid than we realized.
:'''Skalamander:''' What's the kid doing here?
:'''Biowulf:''' I don't know. This was supposed to be routine. Something's not right.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' What did you do with my friends!?
:'''Salamander:''' He thinks we've done something.
:'''Biowulf:''' Then let him keep thinking.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' You know, the nanites in me can counteract knockout gas! The playing-possum thing's a pretty good trick. Now tell me where my friends are or I start squeezing!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Six:''' He told me he could hear them.
:'''Holiday:''' I pulled this off during the offload. It's nanite. I'm sure of it.
:'''Six:''' Seems like there are more secrets inside that kid than we thought.

===Leader of the Pack===
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Holiday:''' There couldn't possibly be enough E.V.O. activity to account for these nanite readings. They're off the scale. Looking for Van Kleiss?
: '''Rex:''' Circe. I thought I saw her in the blimp.
: '''Holiday:''' That's the girl you met in Cabo Luna.
: '''Rex:''' She may be with the Pack now, but I think I can still get her to talk to me. You know I can be pretty convincing.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' Dr. Holiday, there! Now let's take this outside!
:'''Holiday:''' Rex.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' It's quite all right. The determination of youth. I'm sure Circe will be disappointed she couldn't see you, Rex. She's attending to other duties this evening. Now if you will excuse me. 
: '''Rex:''' Why are you really here!?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' The people of Abysus have a great way to offer the world. I'm just in part to make that known. 
:'''Rex:''' Or maybe 'cause I couldn't come to you, so now you're coming to me!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I admit you are important to me, Rex, but it's not always about you.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' Circe? Interesting look. Want to tell me what's going on?
: '''Circe:''' Not today. 
:(''Knocks him out cold with a metal slate. She later looks outside Rex's prison cell and leaves, with a slightly guilty, dejected expression'')
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' Well, thanks for nearly bashing my brains in back there! And what's with the &quot;knocking me out&quot; thing?
: '''Circe:''' We just needed to keep you out of the way until all of this was over.
: '''Rex:''' ''This!?'' He could destroy the whole city!
: '''Circe:''' He's trying to negotiate peace from a position of strength.
: '''Rex''' (sarcastically)''':''' Oh, yeah! All this nanite power is just screaming peace.
: '''Circe:''' His methods may be aggressive. But he's here to save us...and you. Come on, Rex, jump in with us. The water's fine.
: '''Rex:''' I'll think about it ''after'' I've stopped Van Kleiss.
: '''Circe:''' It's too late for that now, Rex. 
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Van Kleiss:''' We will not be ignored! ''Circe'' understands this. Why don't you respect her judgement?
:'''Rex:''' You think you can lure me in with her.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Like a fish to water.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' I won!
: '''Van Kleiss:''' It seems you have. Your parents would have been so proud. I never had the chance to tell you about them, have I? Perhaps another time.

===Breach===
: '''Rex:''' This is...different.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' What is Van Kliess up to, Breach! Where did he have you send Rex?
: '''Breach:''' Van Kleiss isn't always in charge of me. Sometimes I do what I want; like now.
===Of Love and War===
===No Strings Attached===
===Desperate Measures===
===The E.V.O. Agenda===

===Dark Passage===
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' Rex? Is that you?
:'''Rex:''' You know my name.
:'''Dr. Rylandar:''' Of course I do! I gave it to you!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' I can't believe you're alive. What a stroke of luck.
:'''Rex:''' Dad?
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' You've lost your memory, have you? not surprising, considering what you've been through. Oh. Sorry to disappoint you, Rex. I'm afraid I'm not who you want me to be.
:'''Rex:''' Oh. So if you're not my dad, do you know where he is? Oh, well. Rex Rylander is a goofy name, anyway.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' Dr. Rylander, I've got to know.
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' You must understand. It was never about power or greed. It was able changing the world, saving mankind from disease and starvation. And we would have succeeded until ''they'' got involved.
:'''Rex:''' What are you talking about?
:'''Rylander:''' The nanites were incomplete. The incident spread them across the globe before we could finish their final programming. Except for you. Yours were from a different batch, the very first actually. All those innocent victims.
:'''Rex:''' If you feel so bad about it, why have you been attacking more people?
:'''Rylander:''' Hmm. &quot;The chosen few.&quot; Those men and women, Rex, are far from innocent. While they hide in their office towers and gated estates, I've been here trying to set things right, to find a cure for what we created. I've begged for more funding.
:'''Rex:''' Wait! Everyone you attacked- They all worked on the Nanite Project?
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' They commissioned it. I merely wished to send them a warning to see what would happen if they refused to help finish the good work we started. And it was good, Rex. ''You're'' living proof that we were doing the right thing.
:'''Rex''' (''indignant'')''':''' By turning me into an E.V.O.!?
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' You had an accident. The nanites were your only hope. It was tremendous gamble. The...unexpected side affects name later. It was surprise to all of us. Oh. The look on your brother's face...
:'''Rex:''' Brother?
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' When the Event occurred, it was your powers that saved you both. Most of the others, they weren't so lucky.
:'''Rex''' (''to himself'')''':''' I'm not alone.
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' Oh, here. I have something for you.
:(''Injects the mighty and all-powerful Omega Nanite into his system'')
:'''Rex:''' Ow.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' The force-field must be failing.
:'''Rex:''' Forget the force-field! What did you just inject me with!?
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' ''[[w:Omnipotence |Everything]]''.
:'''Rex:''' ''Enough, okay!? Do you have any idea what's been like!? Not knowing who I am!? If my family's dead or alive!? Quite with the mad scientist act and give me some answers!!''
:'''Dr. Rylander:''' Forgive me, Rex. I been so consumed with my own guilt I didn't consider what you must be going through. The truth is-
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Truth, Doctor? You wouldn't know the first thing about it. Nor loyalty for that matter. How many times must I tell you this, Rex? The answers you so desperately seek lie with me. And as for you, Doctor, consider our past disagreement settled. I look forward to continuing our research...alone. This was unavoidable, Rex. The longer you resist me, the more people get hurt. Rylander has always been on borrowed time. All of this belongs to me now. Destroy me and you lose everything.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Six:''' No. I didn't see what happened, but according to Rex, Van Kleiss has been eliminated. Rylander's experiment is a total loss.
:'''Holiday:''' All of this for nothing. I'm sorry, Rex.
:'''Rex:''' It wasn't for nothing, Doc. I've got a brother. Out there- somewhere. Finally! I started to get some real answers. I feel closer to the truth than ever.

===The Forgotten===
:'''Six:''' Rex!
:'''Rex:''' It's like I'm hearing through my nanites.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''No-Face:''' You are not the Before.
:'''Rex:''' I'm not sure that was a complete sentence back then.
:'''No-Face:''' ''They'' are the Before! The Before forgot us. The Before left us in pain.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;

===Operation: Wingman===
:'''Annie:''' &quot;Do you have a girlfriend?&quot;
:'''Rex:''' &quot;It's complicated. She's in league with an evil dictator who wants me dead.&quot;
:'''Annie:''' &quot;Yeah. My dad's always worried about me dating, too.&quot;
&lt;hr width80%&gt;

===Rabble===
:'''Quarry''': Come on, Rex. (''holds up Rex's journal'') We both know this is what you really want. So go ahead take it. Walk away. Show them who you really are. You were always very good a taking care of yourself. Why should now be any different?
:'''Rex''': (''Cuts his journal in two'') Whoever I was back then, is not who I am now. Not anymore.
:'''Quarry''': Your choice.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex''': It's over, Quarry! You lose!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Sqywwd:''' I hope you don't expect us to thank you.
: '''Rex:''' No. Providence won't bother you unless you do something stupid.
: '''Cricket:''' We'll be fine. Thank you, Rex. 
:(''Kisses him on the check'')
: '''Tuck:''' Don't forget about us, Okay?
: '''Rex:''' That may be a promise I can't keep. (''Flies off on his Boogie Pack'')
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' It's going to happen again, isn't it? I'm going to blank out. How long do I have?
: '''Holiday:''' I don't know, Rex. It's likely triggered by a specific event; something traumatic.

===The Hunter===

===Gravity===

===What Lies Beneath===
: '''Circe:''' Rex, it's me.
: '''Rex:''' Circe? What do ''you'' want!?
: '''Circe:''' Things in Abysus- they're bad, Rex. I need your help.
: '''Rex:''' Oh, well, how do I put this nicely? Not a chance! You made your choice, Circe! I made mine. End of story.
: '''Circe:''' Please, Rex. I know you're mad at me, but this is a matter of life and death.
: '''Rex:''' A lot of things are right now. Nice talking to you.
: '''Circe:''' Rex!?
: (''Looks crestfallen'')
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I didn't know you were still in touch with Circe.
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, me neither. Can we please stop talking about this?
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Holiday:''' She's very pretty.
: '''Rex:''' She works for Van Kleiss. She's the enemy. 
: '''Holiday:''' But you still like her, don't you?
: '''Rex:''' I am ''not'' talking about this!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe:''' Rex, thank you.
: '''Rex:''' I'm not doing this for you. But...your welcome. (''Circe similes hopefully'') So what exactly am I supposed to do?
:'''Holiday:''' When I said you were the key, I meant that literally. According to the plans, the machine needs to be turned on by a molecular level. 
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' You ''lied'' to me!!
: '''Circe:''' You wouldn't have come if I told you the truth.
: '''Rex:''' This wasn't about you needing ''me''!! This is about you needing Van Kleiss!!
: '''Circe:''' I need you both. Please, Rex, you don't understand.
: '''Rex:''' No!! ''You'' don't understand!! Van Kleiss is gone and I intend to keep it that way!!
: '''Biowulf:''' You destroyed us all!!
: '''Six:''' Don't even breathe.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Circe:''' You don't know what you've done.
: '''Rex:''' Then, I guess we're even.
: '''Circe:''' You've never understood his power. Van Kleiss kept us safe here. His force was the only thing keeping Abysus together, and you destroyed that.
: '''Rex:''' We're done here!!
: '''Holiday:''' Rex, I think she's right. Nanites operate on a molecular level. If they bonded with Van Kleiss, breaking off his connection must have caused a splinter; resulting in a disastrous chain reaction.
: '''Rex:''' I'm ''not'' bringing him back! ''Not now, not ever!!'' Besides, you don't need Van Kleiss! You have me!! Why not go straight to the source?!
:'''Holiday:''' Rex, no!
:'''Six:''' Stand down! It's too dangerous!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' Let go of me!!
: '''Holiday:''' If you keep fighting these unstable nanites, they're going to destroy you!
: '''Rex:''' And if I don't they'll destroy everybody else.
: '''Holiday:''' Not if you listen to me! I have an idea. It's a long shot. Instead of fighting the nanites, ''communicate'' with them.
: '''Six:''' You want to talk to the nanites?
: '''Holiday:''' He's done it before.
: '''Rex:''' Never anything this big.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' I got you! Don't let go!! (''Rex struggles to save Circe from falling as she clings to him; tears fill her eyes''). ''Circe!!'' (''as she falls into the black goop of highly unstable nanites'')
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' ''Circe!'' Six! Dr. Holiday! Okay, you win. (''technopathically starts the machine''). Something's...not right.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' Circe! Come on, breathe!
: '''Circe''' (''coughs weakly'')''':''' Hey.
: '''Rex:''' Hey.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' Stay with us, Circe. Van Kleiss is done.
: '''Circe:''' As much as I care about you, Rex, Van Kleiss and the Pack are my family. They took me in when no one else would. I can't abandon them.
: '''Rex:''' So that's it. We're always going to be on opposite sides.
: '''Circe:''' It does keep it interesting.

===The Swarm===
:'''Rex''' (thinking'')''':''' ''Gotta stay under. Not sure I can...make it.
:(''Has visions of those most dear to him: Noah, his crush Circe, Holiday, Six, Bobo)

===Basic===
===The Plague===
===Promises, Promises===
:''Note:'' This episode depicts how young Rex had joined Providence via Six's [[w:flashback episode|memories]].
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:''[Six narrates over imagery of the Nanite Event.]''
:'''Six:'''	The names and faces may change, but no matter how you slice it, war is war. You pick a side and you don’t look back. I believe that now and I believed it then. What gets you in trouble is when you start second guessing. Forget what you’re fighting for and you’re finished.
:'''Diane Farrah:''' ''[Panicked screaming is heard in the background of an EVO attack]'' There’s another entity has emerged, this time in the heart of Paris. Authorities are vastly unprepared. Unless a decisive response to this pandemic is marshalled, the city will fall just as Kiev— ''[Diane Farrah gets snatched by the EVO’s web]''
:''[A Providence assault vehicle rams through police cars, from which Six appears and deals with the EVO.]''
:'''White Knight:''' Save some for me partner! How else am I gonna earn my paycheck?
:''[Knight fires off a weapon and the scene cuts to present day at Providence Headquarters.]''
:'''Providence Agents:''' Surprise!
:'''Rex:'''	So, the flu shots?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I needed an excuse to get you here. We’ll do them after cake. I’ll get you Van Kleiss! ''[Holiday swings at a pinata blindfolded before Rex crushes it with his smack hands]''
:'''Rex:''' Sorry, Doc, it was taking too long. And it was either that or throw some of your cake at it.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[Holiday walks over to Six at a corner, passing him a drink]'' You’re looking festive.
:'''Six:''' It was an odd choice to pick today to be his birthday.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It is the anniversary of his new life here. He deserves a celebration, he changed everything.
:'''Six:''' Has he?
:'''Rex:''' ''[Rex jumps onto a counter, speaking to the agents surrounding him]'' Ha-hah! How about hitting The Petting Zoo for a little pin-the-tail on the raging “Rhinocesaurus”?
:'''Dr. Holiday and Six:''' No.
:'''Rex:'''	Every party has a pooper. And I got two.
:'''Providence Agents:''' ''[Providence Agents turn off the lights and bring Rex a birthday cake]'' Happy Birthday!
:'''Rex:'''	Dudes!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' You should be celebrating too, Six! After all, you’re the one who started this. In a way, it’s your birthday too.
:''[Flashback to Six and Knight walking through the Petting Zoo during construction of Providence HQ.]''
:'''White Knight:''' Nyquist. Fortier. How’s the monkey business?
:'''Nyquist:''' Ha ha-larious, Knight.
:'''Fortier:''' Hey, for your information we probably saved the world today.
:'''White Knight:''' I, for one, feel safer already. ''[Knight states, looking at Bobo while Six walks towards his cage]''
:'''Bobo:''' So, green man. We meet again!
:'''Calan:''' They found him at the Kremlin this time. He was threatening to push the button unless someone brought him a thousand pounds of caviar.
:'''Bobo:''' Chimp’s gotta eat.
:'''Fortier:''' What about your little bug hunt? Give you much trouble?
:'''White Knight:''' Nothing we couldn’t handle.
:''[The EVO is transported in a cage overhead while Knight and Six walk through a hallway.]''
:'''White Knight:''' What? Not even a smile? Oh by the way, happy birthday. ''[Knight passes Six a gift]''
:'''Six:''' How did you know?
:'''White Knight:''' I’m your partner. Can’t keep much from me.
:'''Six:''' Thanks.
:'''White Knight:''' So what crawled up your coat?
:'''Six:''' I’m getting tired of all this fighting. Did you see how many there are now? Are we gonna cage the whole world?
:'''White Knight:''' ''[Knight turns around, placing a hand on Six's shoulder]'' We’re preserving the human race. ''[The door to the processing facility opens]'' Besides, who says we’re gonna cage them all?
:'''Dr. Fell:''' ''[Looking at the EVO]'' And to think, this was once spinning webs in someone’s garden. Doctor Holiday, prepare for disassembly. ''[Doctor Holiday nods and activates the procedure as per his instructions. Doctor Fell sports a wicked smile during the experiment before it disintegrates the EVO without a trace]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It’s the same exact data as last time, and the time before that; Doctor Fell, why aren’t we studying them in a natural setting?
:'''Dr. Fell:''' Only through molecular dissection will we find a way to expunge this threat. The committee agrees with me on this. If you do not approve, I can always find another assistant.
:'''White Knight:''' ''[Doctor Holiday leaves the facility in frustration with Doctor Fell]'' Bleeding hearts. They’ll get us all killed one day.
:''[Holiday walks down a hallway and drops several notes, one of which Six picks up.]''
:'''Six:''' EVO?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Exponentially Variegated Organism; a little more scientific than spoiled meat. That is what you hired guns call them isn’t it?
:'''Six:''' It's Six, and I don't use guns. You told Fell we could learn more by bringing them in alive. What did you mean?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' The nanites are altering our DNA, but with the right type of research, there's no doubt they could be programmed to stop or reverse the process. Imagine a third option to this, kill-or-Contain protocol.
:'''Six:''' A third option?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' A cure.
:'''White Knight:''' ''[Knight and several other Providence agents run past Holiday after an alarm activates]'' Buckle up partner! Looks like we got ourselves a big one.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Hopeless.
:''[Providence mercenaries arrive at Mexico to confront the giant mechanical EVO.]''
:'''White Knight:''' What are we looking at?
:'''Dr. Fell:''' ''[Speaking through a monitor]'' Fascinating. It appears to be bio-mechanical. I must have a closer look at this one.
:'''White Knight:''' One for the trophy case.
:'''Six:''' Wait. We may get more out of this one if we bring it in alive!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Dr. Fell:''' You're letting your emotions cloud your judgement, Six. With what we gleam from this boy, I could create tools that could inoculate the world.
:'''Six:''' Why risk it? He can already cure them! I've seen it!
:'''White Knight:''' So, what, we train him? Make him one of us?
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Knight:''' We're supposed to be friends! He's a monster! What do you see in him!?
:'''Six:''' Hope.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''White Knight:''' Thanks for talking some sense into him, Doc. ''[Knight picks up Six’s katana and walks toward Rex]''
:'''Rex:''' What...what’s happening to me? ''[Rex pleas to Knight, who simply looks down at him before warning sirens go off and the facility begins to lockdown]''
:'''Dr. Fell:''' We’re all going to burn. ''[Fell escapes while Rex is craned away by Holiday on an upper level]''
:'''White Knight:''' No! ''[Knight looks back at Six who is slowly picking himself up while the remaining exits close off. In a last ditch effort, Knight carries Six and throws him through the final set of doors before they seal shut]''
:'''Six:'''	''[Six picks himself and slams his fist against the glass]'' Why?
:'''White Knight:''' I know what side I’m on. ''[Knight proudly states before getting consumed by a blinding white light and screaming in agony]''
:'''Six:'''	''[Grabbing a hold of Dr. Fell's collar Six shouts]'' Do something!
:'''Dr. Fell:''' Once the cycle starts it's impossible to shut down.
:'''Rex:'''	''[Contrary to Dr. Fell's statement, the light fades away and the electricity is subdued after Rex interfaces with a control panel]'' Impossible? Psh, right.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' How did you—-?
:'''Rex:''' Told it to turn off. And it did! Wait, where...where am I?
:'''Dr. Fell:''' ''[Speaking through a monitor]'' Doctor Holiday. Maybe you were right.
:'''Dr. Holiday:'''	Maybe you should start looking for another job.
:'''Bobo:''' ''[Within the processing chamber, Knight takes a few steps forward before collapsing]'' Hey marshmallow! Nice look! ''[Knight looks back up at Bobo with his signature bleached appearance]''
:''[Some time later, in his office White Knight speaks to Six through a monitor.]''
:'''White Knight:''' How’s the training?
:'''Six:'''	Slow.
:'''White Knight:''' Not all you hoped he’d be? ''[Rex and Bobo topple each other in a play fight while Knight continues to monologue in his office]'' Still, who would’ve thought the kinder, gentler approach would do such wonders for our profile. The notion of a cure has gotten Providence funding, and worldwide prestige. The committee's happy. Your new partner may just be the best thing this operation could have asked for. Funny, isn’t it? Because of you I can never leave this chamber. I’m now the only pure human left in the world. And the perfect poster boy to run this operation. I suppose I should thank you.
:'''Six:''' I promised him that we would help uncover his past; find his family.
:'''White Knight:''' Whatever keeps him on his leash. But if he shows the slightest sign of turning into thing again, it's all on you.
:''[Back at the party in the present, Noah is pinned down by Bobo with a bag on his head to Rex’s amusement.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Hoo-hoo-hoo! Oh my—hold him down, I’ll get the camera! ''[Rex runs to his room, and after a quick search he instead finds a long box on a corner shelf]''
:'''Six:''' Happy birthday. ''[Six walks into his room, officially greeting Rex]''
:'''Rex:'''	From you? For me? You gotta be kidding.
:'''Six:''' You, your work. It has made a real difference. I just—-
:'''Rex:'''	Yeah, I know I’m pretty great! But seriously get off the sap train, Six. It’s creeping me out. ''[Rex opens the gift to reveal the blade inside]'' Wow, Six! Thank you!
:'''Six:'''	It’s called a tanto. It’s the ceremonial blade of a samurai warrior.
:'''Rex:'''	Samurai? Awesome.
:'''Six:'''	''[Six unsheathes his own tanto and holds it against Rex’s]'' This is its twin.
:'''Rex:'''	''[Rex removes the cap from his tanto and squints at the symbol etched into the blade]'' Is that...writing?
:'''Six:'''	Bushido symbol of loyalty. It means whether for good or ill, our fates will follow the same path. This one stays with me.
:'''Rex:'''	Think this thing can cut through Holiday’s chocolate cake?
:'''Six:'''	''[Six raises an eyebrow]'' Anything’s possible.
:''[Rex puts the cap back on to the blade and camera cuts to outside of Providence headquarters, panning outward until screen fades to black.]''

===Badlands===
:'''Gatlocke:''' Do you like rules?
:'''Rex:''' Can't say I do.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Gatlocke:''' Feel that? It's quilted. This is the good kind. But I won't be able to really enjoy in ''until I have those nanites!''
&lt;hr width80%&gt;

===Out of the Dark===
:''Note'': Rex's love interest and sweetheart Circe appears in a vision.

===Payback===
:''[In the realm of Abysus]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Humiliated... De-powered... All but destroyed. Hardly the new world I set out to build, is it?
:'''Biowulf:''' Master, a spy has made contact.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Well?
:'''Providence Spy:''' Everything is in place.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' And the boy?
:'''Providence Spy:''' He's here.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' ''[to his loyal followers]'' Soon our greatest enemy will be buried! Providence itself will be destroyed. And we'll have Rex to thank.
:'''Rex:''' Come on! Who's gonna know?
:'''Noah:''' Yeah. It would only be for a minute or two.
:'''Calan:''' You actually want me to let you fly the keep?
:''[Calan sighs]''
:'''Calan:''' Only until the next course change. And nothing fancy.
:'''Rex:''' All right, let's see what this baby can really do! Why, it wasn't me! Seriously!
:'''Both:''' Whoa!
:'''Providence Spies:''' Aah!
:'''White Knight:''' Calan, what's your status?
:'''Calan:''' Came from out of nowhere. We're being boarded. Scramble all jump jets. Mobilize for a counter-offensive.
:'''White Knight:''' This is a coordinated attack. Every major Providence outpost around the globe has been hit.
:'''Six:''' So far they've steered clear of headquarters. I'm on route to the keep now.
:'''Rex:''' Are they really that stupid? Attacking the keep with me on board? This should only take a minute.
:'''Noah:''' Wait up!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Find Rex. It goes without saying &quot;alive&quot; would be ideal. Take the ship.
:'''Providence Spy:''' Some kind of power surge. We're losing control of the helm!
:'''Calan:''' Find out where it's coming from. Doc, if you'll excuse me--
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Six?
:'''Six:''' Five minutes out. Prepare for an evac. I'm getting you off the ship.
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Noah:''' Again with the Smack Hands? You always open with that move. Change it up a little!
:'''Both:''' Whoa!
:'''Bobo:''' You see what you get? That's what happens when you interrupt my nap-- Bobo gets cranky!
:'''Rex:''' I learned that the hard way, too.
:'''Calan:''' All hands-- We've got intruders on deck four, five, and six. Get'em off our ship!
:'''Rex:''' Go!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Attention, Providence. The ship is ours.
:'''Rex:''' Ugh! Not even close, Van Kleiss!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Lay down your weapons, and your lives will be spared. Continue to resist and nothing survives.
:'''Rex:''' You've made I made some lame-o moves before, Van Kleiss, but this one-- classic.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Seems you may have run out of tricks. Oh, you had to know it would only be a matter of time. I've had a fair amount of time on my hands these days. ''[Restrains Rex with his gauntlet]''
:'''Rex:''' Aaaaah!
:'''Van Kleiss:'''  You took something very precious from me, Rex, and now I'll be returning the favor.
:'''Rex:''' If you want my monkey, you can forget it. 
:''[Van Kleiss starts draining nanites from Rex, causing him to squirm and scream in pain.]''
:''[Rex grunting]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' It might come as a surprise that when you stole the nanites that gave my power, you left some of your behind-- Enough to tell me a few of what makes you tick. :''[Rex tries to summon a build, but nothing happens.]''
:'''Rex:''' Ungh!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:''[Rex gasps]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' You'll find that using your powers will be something of a challenge. The nanites that you so special belong to me now.
:'''Biowulf:''' What shall I do with him, master?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I have everything I need from him. I could care less. Secure the rest of the ship.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Come on! Do you really think throwing me out that hatch is the best way to get rid of me? Wouldn't it be more fun to throw me in a cage, tie me down in front of a laser?
:'''Biowulf:''' No!
:'''Rex:''' Aaaaaaaah! Wh-o-o-o-o-oa!
:'''Noah:''' What is he doing?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' This is no time to fool around, Rex.
:'''Rex:''' Happened to notice that ground coming up on his, doc? If you don't do something fast, I'm about to become part of it! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Ugh!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, are you okay?
:'''Rex:''' I think we may have a problem.
:'''White Knight:''' What do you mean &quot;they have the keep&quot;?! Blow it up!
:'''Six:''' We tried. The remote-destruct sequence has been disabled. Van Kleiss has complete control of it.
:'''White Knight:''' Give me some good news.
:'''Six:''' We know where it's heading. Here.
:'''Biowulf:''' This is the commanding officer. We found him attempting to destroy this ship.
:'''Calan:''' What's your game, Van Kleiss?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Oh, a very good question-- One that depends entirely on what happens next, Captain. It seems my powers have made a slight... change.
:'''Rex:''' Well? They're gone, aren't they? Van Kleiss took all my active nanites.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Not exactly. I found this. Definitely a nanite, but it's unlike anything I've ever seen. Molecular scans seems to indicate it's some kind of control-nanite.
:'''Rex:''' But with nothing to control.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' With a large enough concentration of nanites, we might be able to jump-start it. But even with that, there's no guarantee it would replicate or even give you back the same abilities.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I hate to say it, but this one has me stumped.
:'''Rex:''' Great. Loving this.
:'''White Knight:''' If you're finished with the lost cause, we've got a bigger problem.
:'''Biowulf:''' Master, how is this possible?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' It would seem Rex's nanites have an opposite effect on me. He cured EVOs. Now I create them. Full ahead-- Ramming speed! Once we're through, we'll destroy Providence from the inside out.
:'''White Knight:''' Lock it down! I want hallways cleared and critical sections defended. They will not take this base.
:'''Rex:''' Well? What are we waiting for? Let's go stop them!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, you're in no condition to fight.
:'''Rex:''' Well, what do you expect me to do-- Hide?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Whatever it takes. That nanite inside you might be able to bring you back, but it's going to take me time to figure out how. And that's not something we have a lot of right now.
:'''Rex:''' Wow. Nice outfit.
:'''Noah:''' Got one for you, too. You get to armor up like the rest of us normals.
:'''Rex:''' Come on.
:'''Bobo:''' All right, where to?
:'''Rex:''' South Pacific.
:'''Bobo:''' That's my boy. And here I thought you'd try to pull some hero stunt. Oh, brother.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I want the White Knight. Find where he's hiding and bring him to me.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' That should be everything, as long as the offsite backup holds.
:'''Six:''' Don't let it get to that.
:'''Noah:''' This is a strange place for a base.
:'''Rex:''' When I have too many nanites in me, this is where I go to offload.
:'''Bobo:''' Think of it as a nanite porta-potty.
:'''Noah:''' Thanks... For that image, Bobo. So, we just put some of these nanites in you, and we're good to go?
:'''Rex:''' No. They're inactive. Or at least stripped of their programming. Since I can't control them, I just have to hope that whatever this thing is inside me can't.
:'''Noah:''' So... What happens if it can't?
:'''Bobo:''' Let me put it this way-- The last guy who went swimmin' in that soup ended up a 50-foot freak show.
:'''White Knight:''' Listen to me carrefully, Van Kleiss.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I'd rather not.
:'''White Knight:''' Where are they?
:'''Six:''' The inner perimeter has been compromised. They're coming.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Ugh! Ungh!
:''[Skalamander roars]''
:''[Skalamander roars]''
:'''Biowulf:''' Open it.
:'''Rex:''' Okay. Bobo, set the thing to &quot;vent&quot; and go. If this doesn't work, I don't want you getting caught in the blast.
:'''Bobo:''' No.
:'''Noah:''' Forget it. Rex, at least think about his for a sec. What if it wipes your memory? What it turns you into some evil monster?
:'''Rex:''' My friends need me. There's nothing more to think about. Bobo, do it.
:'''Bobo:''' Long odds, pay big.
:''[Bobo groans]''
:'''Six:''' You've overstayed your welcome.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Now, here's someone who would make a nice addition to our EVO ranks.
:'''Six:''' Go ahead and try. Ugh!
:''[Six groans]''
:'''Rex:''' Trying to do my job for me, Six? Here's a thought-- When your top henchman can't even get rid of someone by throwing him out of a moving plane, time to rethink the help.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' You are determined-- I'll give you that. If it's what you prefer, I'll finish you myself.
:'''Rex:''' Maybe.
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Ugh!
:'''Rex:''' Whoa! Cool!
:'''Bobo:''' See? I told you it would work.
:'''Six:''' This is an unexpected surprise.
:'''Rex:''' Well, by now, you should expect the unexpected from me, Six.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Ungh!
:''[Skalamander roars]''
:''[Dr. Holiday grunts]''
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Noah:''' Is that what I think it is?
:'''Bobo:''' Not anymore.
:'''Noah:''' You think there might be more of them?
:'''Bobo:''' Eh... Probably.
:''[Biowulf grunts]''
:''[Biowulf growls]''
:'''Biowulf:''' Aaaaaaah!
:'''White Knight:''' I use that electromagnet to trap stray nanites. You're lucky it's on the lowest setting. Any higher, and it would rip the nanites right out of your body.
:''[Biowulf grunts]''
:'''Biowulf:''' Then why don't you?
:'''White Knight:''' Because then I wouldn't be able to do this.
:'''Skalamander:''' No one can help you. You're all alone now.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Not exactly. We still have my sister.
:''[Skalamander grunting]''
:''[Rex and Van Kleiss grunts]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Aaaaah!
:'''Rex:''' No way!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Ungh!
:'''Rex:''' Once again, epic fail. I'll take my nanites back now.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Ugh!
:'''Noah:''' Rex, wait!
:'''Bobo:''' Van Kleiss left behind a few presents.
:'''Rex:''' No time to look everywhere. I'm shutting everything down.
:'''Noah:''' You can do that?
:'''Rex:''' Don't know. Never tried. Anything else? No?
:'''Calan:''' Whew! I never want to do that again. No, sir.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Amazing.
:'''Rex:''' Why, thank you.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I was talking about the nanites. That was a risky move, Rex, but it worked. As far as I can tell, you're back to your old self.
:'''Rex:''' I don't know. Something feels different. That new build-- I think I can do even more. It's like I can see the blueprints. I just need to figure out how to put it all together.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' White Knight in person. Never thought I'd see the day.
:'''White Knight:''' Well, don't get used to it. We found all the explosives. The base and the keep will need extensive repairs. This was not our finest hour.
:'''Rex:''' What are you talking about? We kicked butt! So what if Van Kleiss is back and more powerful than ever? So am I! If he wants a nanite war, let him bring it!
:''[White Knight laughs]''
:'''White Knight:''' It's good to have your back, Rex.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' You know, I think he actually means it.
:'''Rex:''' Sure he does. So, tell me something, guys-- What's next?

==Season Two (2011)==
===Rampage===
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' I'll give you the recap. Thanks to these microscopic machines called nanites, I can build cool gear out of my body. I'm what's called an EVO. But most evo's aren't lucky like me. They usually look like this. ''[laughing]'' I know what you're thinking. And they smell bad, too. There's one other thing I can do that makes me even more special. Some EVOs, I can cure. That's why I work for Providence. We're the people you call when an evo is tearing up your lawn or attacking a city. And the worst of them is this guy... Van Kleiss. The last time we fought, things got a little out of hand. I'll admit it... we pretty much got our tails handed to us. He steals the key, wrecks headquarters, hijacks my nanite to get back the powers I took away from him. And now he can actually make people into EVOs. Then, to top it off, he has his dog boy Biowulf throw me, overboard at 6,000 feet. Not that anyone's keeping score. Sure, Van Kleiss may be back, but so am I. So what if he can make EVOs? I can still cure them. He may have new powers, but guess what... I do, too. Ever since my powers came back, I've got the ability to make amazing new machines. Now I just have to figure out how to build more.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' If you're trying to check up on me, Six, the answer's still a big fat... ''[imitates buzzer]'' I can't figure out how to make this new build.
:'''Six:''' It might take some time, but you'll get it.
:'''Rex:''' And meanwhile, Van Kleiss is out there doing who knows what. I wish they'd hurry up and get the H.Q. Rebuilt. You're not still living out of your jump jet like some ninja hobo, are you?
:'''Six:''' My temporary accommodations are perfectly adequate.
:'''Rex:''' Yep. Still living in the jet. ''[Groans]'' I hate being kicked out of our house. Although, as long as they're building stuff, I need a hot tub.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' &quot;I was wondering when you and your hair would show up again, Van Kleiss.&quot;
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Back to your old self again, I see. And how are those new abilities developing?&quot;
:'''Rex:''' Just fine. Thanks for asking.&quot;
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' &quot;Don't you have anything better to do with your life then come after me all the time?&quot;
:'''Van Kleiss:''' &quot;Funny you should ask.&quot;
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' Doc? How are those biometrics looking now?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Give it a try.
:'''Rex:''' Ah, yeah! It's about time! Machines work. I just hope the important part does.
:'''Noah:''' What just happened?
:'''Rex:''' Do you remember anything?
:'''Noah:''' It all kind of hazy. I mostly remember the feeling of... Fun. And I remember you punching me in the face.
:'''Rex:''' Yeah. Sorry about that. I thought you were trying to eat me. Come on. We've got a rat to catch. Why so happy? Is this the part where breach shows up and rescues you?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Actually, no. This is the part where she takes your inadequately guarded fuel core.
:'''Six:''' Six to post, what's your status? Six to post.
:'''Rex:''' Another decoy?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I should share some of the credit with your friend over here. He played the part to perfection.
:'''Noah:''' Gee, thanks.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Now, this would be the part where Breach shows up.
:'''Noah:''' I can't believe I did all this. Sounds like I had the time of my life.
:'''Rex:''' ''[laughing]'' It almost became your life. Sorry about that.
:'''Noah:''' Are you kidding? Just knowing I was a rampaging evo is cool. I wish I could have remembered at least some of it.
:'''Rex:''' It's probably all over the news if you want a replay... At least until you stepped on the news van.
:'''Noah:''' Well... ''[Exhales sharply]'' Guess it's back to quadratic equations.
:'''Rex:''' I have no idea what those are. I've got somewhere I need to be. See you later. I know. I'm not supposed to be here. I don't care if it's a construction zone. I'm moving back.
:'''Six:''' It's all right. Turns out you're not the only one who feels that way. You'll get used to the cold showers. Food, you're on your own. From the top?
:'''Rex:''' From the top.
:'''Six:''' What were you trying to build, anyway?
:'''Rex:''' A water jet. Oh, by the way, I need a new cellphone.
:'''Six:''' Yes?
:'''Determined grandmother:''' ''[through phone]'' It's after my glasses again.
:'''Six:''' Glasses?
:'''Determined grandmother:''' ''[through phone]'' This time I am serious. Now, when are you going to send someone out here?
:'''Six:''' Ma'am, I'm...
:'''Determined grandmother:''' ''[through phone]'' Do you even work for Providence?
:'''Six:''' Yes, I work for Providence.
:'''Determined grandmother:''' ''[through phone]'' What kind of a flimflam outfit is this?
:'''Six:''' How did you get this number?

===Wasteland===
===Tough Love===

===The Lost Weekend===
:'''Kenwyn:''' What did you to Skwydd?
:'''Mouse:''' Just shedding a light light on how dangerous his kind can be.
:'''Rex:''' By juicing his powers? What were you thinking?
:'''Mouse:''' Most inorganic material explodes when given that kind of molecular jolt, but not not nanites. They convert the energy into power that amplifies an E.V.O.'s abilities to tremendously uncontrollable levels.

===Star-Crossed===

===Alliance===
:'''Rex:''' ''[to himself]'' And he brought his Pack flunkies. Biowulf, Skalamander, Breach. Circe? Gotta hurry. Their headed straight for... someplace else. Gonna find out where.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Holiday:''' Rex why aren't you fixing that shield regulator?
:'''Rex:''' Hint. You may remember him from such schemes as destroying Providence headquarters, and trying to take over the entire Earth.
:'''Holiday:''' Van Kliess, in there? You're right. You should investigate after you fix the shield.
:'''Rex:''' Then it might be too late.
:'''Holiday:''' She's there, isn't she?
:'''Rex:''' Who? Breach? Yeah, but...
:'''Holiday:''' A quick recon and that's it.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Intriguing. An entire urban branch of EVO. development.
:'''Biowulf:''' This place is a waste of our time.
:'''Circe:''' Van Kleiss knows what he's doing. It's not your place to question.
:'''Biowulf:''' Question?! You dare accuse me of disloyalty?!
:'''Circe:''' Sorry. Get a grip!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Circe:''' You're right, you know. We should be down there with him. What is he up to anyway?
:'''Biowulf:''' I do not know.
:'''Circe:''' You don't know? I thought he trusted you with everything.
:'''Biowulf:''' Of course he does! He just--
:'''Rex:''' Hey! Easy on the stealth suit, which apparently, isn't so stealthy.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''NoFace:''' Invaders have come before. They brought only pain.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' It is a pain we both share. The same Providence outsides attacked my lands, destroyed my army.
:'''NoFace:''' There was one who tormented us, humiliated us. The grower of machines.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Ah, Rex. Another thorn we share. My proposal is simple: You control a formidable legion. I, in turn, can provide the escape and the vengeance you seek. I can be your liberator. You can be my general. Together we will crush our enemies, starting with the one you hate most. Now are we--
:'''Biowulf:''' Master, I have a report.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' ''[irritated]'' This is a private conversation. Can't you handle the sightest detail without bothering me?
:'''Biowulf:''' Of course, Master. It was nothing.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' Here comes the moment when our brave hero sweeps the girl of her feet! Literally!
:'''Biowulf:''' Don't let him.
:'''Circe:''' Hey! Let--
:'''Rex:''' ''[flies off with Circe in his arms]''' See you around, henchie!
:'''Biowulf:''' ''[to Skalamander]''  Follow them.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Circe:''' Down, now!
:'''Rex:''' Not till we hear each other out!
:'''Circe:''' Sure! I'll go first. 
:''[Breaks the Bogie Pack with a hypersonic burst, causing them to fall]''
:'''Rex:''' Oh, great. Way to go, Circe.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' ''[to himself]'' Our hero pursues the girl of his dreams, heedless of her attempts to break his heart... along with the rest of him. Circe, just one minute, okay? Look-No powers!
:'''Circe:''' One minute! But if this is about leaving the Pack--
:'''Rex:''' Please. I'm way past that. There are bigger things going here than who you hang out with.
:'''Circe:''' Fifty seconds!
:'''Rex:''' I wasn't sent here to spy on you. I'm here to stop these things from ever getting out.
:'''Circe:''' Forty! Why are you telling me this? You know who I am!
:'''Rex:''' You've seen the things that live here. Whatever deal you think Van Kleiss is making, it's going to turn out bad for everyone.
:'''Circe:''' Thirty seconds!
:'''Rex:''' I do know who you are, Circe. Just for once think for yourself. Maybe your perfect leader could actually be wrong, maybe even a bit crazy, nuts, certifiably insane!
: '''Circe:''' Shut up! Twenty! Talk about blinded. Did you ever wonder why Van Kleiss is so interested in you?
:'''Rex:''' Oh, I don't know. Maybe he wants me dead?
:'''Circe:''' Not anymore. Something has changed, Rex. Ever since you got your powers back, I hear him talking. Saying you have something that's the key to everything. For whatever reason, he needs you alive. I know it, Rex. He'd never let you be killed.
:'''Rex:''' Never, huh?
:'''Circe:''' Time's up! 
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' Now this looks like a party.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Rex, you never cease to amaze me.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''No-Face:''' Defiler! Give him to us!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Now do you believe I can deliver what I say? Will yoh agree to my leadership?
:'''No-Face:''' We agree to it! Give him to us! Now! Now! Now!
:'''Circe:''' ''[very shocked]''' Van Kleiss, I didn't bring Rex here so that you could-- He'll kill him!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Never forget how I found you, Circe. What you were... before. He's yours. 
:''[Tears well up in Circe's eyes; thoroughly horrified that her master would calmly allow Rex's life to be put at risk]''
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' ''[weakly]''' Is this what you wanted? 
:''[Collapses from his inquiries, causing Circe to open her eyes]''
:'''Circe''' ''[tearful, pleading]'': Stop this! Please! You need him alive!
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Alive, yes. Heart pumping, lungs breathing, but his mind? The less there's left of that, the better. Circe, I warn you: Lift so much as a finger to help him, and you're finished!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Circe:''' You, Biowulf, even me. We're all just means to an end for him. He doesn't really care for any of us.
:'''Rex:''' So you finally figured that out. Better late than never, I guess.
:'''Circe:''' It's not too late! Not if I have anything to say about it!
:''[Extends her fleshly and grotesque EVOs mouth]''
:'''Bobo:''' Whoa! Whoa! There are some of us who might not like the sound of whatever you're about to do!
:'''Circe:''' I'll adjust the frequency to exclude friendly EVOs.
:'''Bobo:''' Does that include me?
:'''Circe:''' For now. 
:''[Uses her melodious, hypnotic singing to call back the EVOs escaping]''
:'''Rex:''' I thought you said you could filter it.
:'''Circe:''' It's not an exact science. 
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Circe:''' Van Kleiss.
:'''Rex:''' Breach'll get him out... eventually. But right now he's in there, you're out here. You don't have a better opportunity to consider your options.
:''[Notice the two of them holding hands and let go, blushing]''
:'''Bobo:''' What is it stealing from our own people that's so dang satisfying?
:'''Circe:''' You forget to remove the tracker. I'm not going to Providence.
:'''Rex:''' Doesn't matter where you go. All that matters is that you want to go there. That said. I hear Hong Kong's nice this time of year.

===Robo Bobo===
===Divide By Six===
:'''One''': ''[Speaking through Rex]'' Six.
:'''Six''': One?
:'''One''': You left this place, quit life as a mercenary and so rarely returned to visit.
:'''Six''': I did what I felt was right, I never meant to dishonor.
:'''One''': So rarely, that I never had time to tell you how proud you've made me.
:'''Six''': ''[Takes off his glasses for the first time in the series]'' We're going to help you. We're going to take you home.
:'''One''': But Six, I  am home. ''[Rex falls unconscious while One's body starts changing. Eventually his body dissolves and fertilizes the entire island to its former splendor]''
: '''Six:''' He's still One. He's just one with everything.
===Mixed Signals===
: '''Rex:''' Whoa, big guy! Someone needs to ease off on the cheeseburgers.
: '''Six:''' Skip the insults. Start the containment.
: '''Rex:''' Like its feelings are going to get hurt. One bad and ugly going down. What?
: '''Six:''' Rex? Rex!
: '''Rex:''' Cool!
: '''Six:''' You want to explain this?
: '''Rex:''' I don't know. It's like some weird vision of this thing filled my head, then built itself out of me. Maybe the vision came from Blobbo. Maybe it's trying to talk to me. Come on, big boy. Send me some more pictures. What's on your mind?
: '''Six:''' Groceries. That's what's on its mind.
: '''Rex:''' I'm skipping. I'm over it. That vision must have been a fluke.
: '''Six:''' All right, then. We're going with a two-prong attack. Use caution. This kind of EVO might be a splitter. Rex! Snap out of it!
: '''Rex:''' Whoa! Whoa! Ha! I wasn't supposed to do that, right?
: '''Six:''' Rex, I want you back at HQ.
: '''Rex:''' But I feel okay now. And we've got, um-- Two blobs to put down.
: '''Six:''' Now!
: '''Holiday:''' No trace of any recent electrochemical or DNA abnormalities. Everything reads normal.
: '''Rex:''' But it's like the visions were being transmitted, and I was seeing it from a nanite point of view.
: '''Holiday:''' I can't track it, Rex. There's no sign of signal displacement or a nano disturbance. Maybe we should consider the possibility that this is psychological.
: '''Rex:''' Huh? Pizza.
: '''Holiday:''' I think he's having another vision.
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Of lunch?
: '''Rex:''' With pineapple and salmon.
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Blech! He is nuts.
: '''Holiday:''' Aside from a strange choice in pizza toppings, all readings are normal. I can't explain it.
: '''Rex:''' Well, if my nanites are trying to get me to build something, maybe we should give them what they want.
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Whatever it is, I'm not eating it. Is that my electric toothbrush?
: '''Rex:''' It better not be the one I've been using.
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Oh.
: '''Rex:''' This is what I'm seeing in my head. As stupid as it looks. It's like someone or something is sending me instructions to build some big device.
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Or build a pizza with pineapple and salmon.
: '''Rex:''' Okay. I'm not sure about that vision.
: '''Holiday:''' Is that my hairdryer?
: '''Rex:''' I just need to figure out what it does. Maybe it's a time machine. Or-- Or alien technology!
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Maybe it's just a big pile of junk. Or a way to order a really awful pizza.
: '''Contraption Voice:''' Target acquired.
: '''Holiday:''' Rex!
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Wake up!
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Provindece Soldier #1:''' Hey, where do you think you're going? We've got a security breach. Front floor.
: '''Providence Soldier #2:''' Lockdown protocols enabled. All hands report to duty station. Security speed, take position.
: '''Rex:''' Sorry, guys. I might be a little... late.
: '''Caesar:''' Case compression. Release.
: '''Rex:''' Figures I'd build a machine with a serious attitude problem.
: '''Caesar:''' ''[taking off his helmet and turns to Rex]'' Rex, is that you?
: '''Rex:''' Who’s asking?
: '''Caesar:''' It’s me, Caesar, your brother! Mijo! ''[Hugs Rex]'' You're alive and... older. ''[Rex is dumbfounded]'' Uh. Atomic clock was right... ''[spanish accent]'' Es una problema grande.
: '''Rex:''' Uh, yeah. ''[Pushes Caesar]'' It is a big problem.
: '''Caesar:''' What is this place? Who are you people? ''[to Rex]'' I'm getting you out of here!
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Sorry, amigo. Put your hands up. Or don't. I got a clear shot either way.
: '''Caesar:''' ''[is looking at Bobo]'' A talking chimp?
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Don't bother. I've heard all the jokes.
: '''Caesar:''' Have they hurt you? Are you okay? Stand aside.
: '''Rex:''' Hello? Do I get a say in this?
: '''Holiday:''' If you're part of some elaborate plan to kidnap Rex, then you failed.
: '''Caesar:''' Listen, bonita, you don't wanna make me use this.
: '''Rex:''' ''[gets in between them]'' Enough! Normally around here when someone barges in talking crazy, they get around into the deck plates by my giant fists. But you seem legit. I'm going with him.
: '''Holiday:''' Rex!
: '''Rex:''' Okay, brother. Lead the way. So if you are my brother, where have you been all this time?
: '''Caesar:''' I'll explain later when we're safe.
: '''Rex:''' Uh, this is Providence. We are safe. Usually.
: '''Caesar:''' Providence? Never heard of it. To be honest, the last five years has been a bit of a blur.
: '''Rex:''' I want to believe you, but I'm gonna need some proof.
: '''Caesar:''' Your name is Rex Salazar. Our parents are Violetta and Raphael. The last time I saw you was at the Applied Nanite Research Lab in Abysus; right before those fools triggered a replication cycle.
: '''Rex:''' And I have total amnesia so, for all I know, that could be completely bogus.
: '''Caesar:''' There's a scar on the back of your left knee you got when you were seven, riding the gantry arm in the reactor annex.
: '''Rex:''' Hmm. I always wondered how I got that.
:''[they go out and Rex notices Caesar Salazar's pod laboratory]''
: '''Rex:''' Whoa. Nice wheels.
: '''Six:''' ''[Comes out and unsheathed his swords]'' Don't even think about it.
: ''[Caesar is about to attack but Rex stops him]''
: '''Rex:''' It's okay. Six isn't going to hurt you. Right, Six? You're comming in a little late on this, but, uh, this is Caesar, my brother, and he wants to get me out of here. So, let's just let my brother have his way and see where this all goes. Wherever you plan on going, they're going to follow us. You know that, right?
: '''Caesar:''' They can try.
: '''Rex:''' I don't know. Providence ship are pretty fast.
: '''Six:''' Track Rex's bio signature and find out who that guy really is.
: '''Rex:''' You ain't kidding. This thing moves fast. A-are we in the arctic?
: '''Caesar:''' How do you think I got to your location so quickly once the locator signaled me?
: '''Rex:''' Locator? You sent me the schematics to build that thing? It tried to crush me like a bug!
: '''Caesar:''' Sorry, mijo. I wasn't really trying to hurt. ''[scans Rex's body]'' I was looking for what's hiding inside of you. ''[showing Rex the result]'' The Omega One Nanite.
: '''Rex:''' That thing? Holiday discovered it before. We had no idea what it was.
: '''Caesar:''' I sent signal instructions for the Omega One to track and contain. But since the nanite has integrated into your DNA, you became the conduit for building the machine. What I don't get is how the Omega One got inside of you. Rylander was supposed to have that under lock and key.
: '''Rex:''' Rylander? He's the one who put it inside me.
: '''Caesar:''' Why would he do a thing like that? I'm really gonna have to let old fool have it when I see him.
: '''Rex:''' Not possible-- Courtesy of Van Kleiss.
: '''Caesar:''' Van Kleiss?! What does that third-rate lab hack have to do with this?
: '''Rex:''' What? I guess I’m not the only one who needs an update. Where have you been?
: '''Caesar:''' It's a long story-- actually, short by my clock. A splinter group had formed at the lab. They had other ideas about how the nanites would be used. We tried to stop them, and you were hurt. The only way to save your life was an infusion of nanites. It was risky, but it worked. We thought that'd be enough to stop the others, make them see the right path. But we were wrong. Mom and Dad were in the reactor. As for me, I managed to escape in my lab. But the shock wave, the same shock wave that probably blanked your memory.... also interfered with engine that powers this pod. I was stuck in sub-light drive.
: '''Rex:''' How long?
: '''Caesar:''' Fifteen minutes. That's how long it took me to reboot the system. But at the speed I was going, it was 5 years of your time. I knew there was an accident, but I had no idea how bad. My nanite sensors were off the charts. My 1st priority was to insure the OM-1 was safe. That was our promise. And here we are. So, what have I missed these past five years?
: '''Rex:''' Providence? We need to talk. They can wait.
: '''Caesar:''' So let me understand, there are EVOs and Van Kleiss claimed as their leader?
: '''Rex:''' Well, not for all of them, yet. I want to know about me, about our parents.
: '''Caesar:''' They were scientists. We lived all over the world. Things settled down when you came along. That was in Geneva.
: '''Rex:''' Wait a second. Are you saying I'm Swiss?
: ''Caesar:'' Not really. Mother was born in Mexico City. Father in Buenos Aires.
: '''Rex:''' And they're really... gone? ''[Caesar slowly nods sadly]''
: '''Rex:''' Um, where exactly did this ship take us?
: '''Caesar:''' What do you know?We're back at the original lab site.
: '''Rex:''' You mean the one in Abysus?
: '''Caesar:''' Is that a problem?
: '''Rex:''' I'd say just a small one. We should go, like now.
: '''Caesar:''' ''[typing]'' Hmm... Must be low on charge.  ''[walks out the door]'' We may be stuck, but on the bright side, I can take a look at some of these variegated organisms. ''[goes out]''
: '''Rex:''' Caesar! Wait!
: ''[outside and observing the EVOs]''
: '''Caesar:''' Fascinating. We theorized mutations might occur but never anything this random.
: ''[Rex hits the EVO before they got near Caesar]''
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Sorry, bro, but these guys--
: ''[Rex hits another EVO]''
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Usually don't sit still for questions.
: '''Caesar:''' ''[seeing Rex's new build]'' Hmm... That's new.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Guess I've learned a--
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' A few tricks. But they still won't be enough if Van Kleiss shows up with all his goons. Six!
: '''Six:'''We're locked onto you. The keep is already on its way.
: '''Rex:''' Your ship may be out of juice, but I'm not. Hop on. I can get us out of here.
: '''Caesar:''' I won't leave my lab, and you definitely don't want Van Kleiss getting his hands on some of the things in here. I'll try to reroute the capacitors to an alternate power source.
: '''Caesar:''' Oh, you wanna see a photo of you, me, and papi? Maybe later.
: '''Rex:''' You're a little off, aren't you, Caesar? 
: '''Biowulf:''' What was that machine it flew off with?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' A laboratory. One I thought I'd never see again. It seems an old friend has returned-Caesar.
: '''Rex:''' Providence isn't so bad now, eh, hermano?
: '''Caesar:''' Is this a Grinnell? They always made good consoles, except for the random power surges.
: '''Six:''' Well?
: '''Rex:''' Everything's cool. He's a little kooky, but I'm pretty sure he's my brother.
: '''Six:''' Glad to hear it. Now I need you back. We still have some unfinished business.
: '''Rex:''' Got to get back to work.
: '''Caesar:''' My little brother, the hero. I remember when you just wanted to be a musician.
: '''Rex:''' Guitar? No, wait drums.
: '''Caesar:''' Accordion.
: '''Rex:''' You got to be kidding me!
: '''Six:''' As I recall, you started it.
: '''Rex:''' Huh?
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Six:''' The EVO is dividing faster than we can contain it. The city is being evacuated.
: '''Caesar:''' Hmm. Excuse me, admiral. I need you to take me down there immediately. Afraid I'll have to insist.
: '''Six:''' Rex!
: '''Rex:''' Are you crazy?!
: '''Caesar:''' Depends on who you ask. I had something in my lab that I thought could help.
: '''Six:''' Help? You're not even supposed to be outside the keep.
: '''Rex:''' WHOO-HOO! Way to go, bro! First day on the job, and you already got a save!
: '''Six:''' Job?
: '''Rex:''' Oh, come on, admit it, Six. He just saved our chicharrones.
: ''[Caesar laughs]''
: '''Rex:''' What? What's so funny?
: '''Caesar:''' You always make me laugh when you try to speak Spanish.
: '''Holiday:''' We've pulled his records, and I've confirmes his DNA. It seems Rex really does have a brother.
: '''White Knight:''' If everything I've read about him is true, he could be an incredible asset to Providence.
: '''Six:''' Or a major liability.
: '''White Knight:''' All the more reason to keep him with us. Give him whatever he needs.
: '''Holiday:''' White's right, Six. He knows more about nanites than anyone on the planet. He helped invent them.
: '''Six:''' My point exactly. He's settling in?
: '''Rex:''' I guess so. Caesar's a little strange. Hard to believe he's actually my brother.
: '''Six:''' I'm happy for you, Rex. You always said you wanted to find your family.
: '''Rex:''' Thanks, but... You know that? I already did. Caesar may be my brother, but you, Holiday, Bobo, you're who I have a connection with.
: '''Bobo:''' Aww, now, see, I'm getting all misty.
: '''Caesar:''' There you are. Hmm. Nice view. Say, mijo, you think your cafeteria could whip up a pizza with pineapple and salmon? I've been craving one for days.
: '''Bobo:''' Connection, huh?

===Outpost===
:'''Valentina:''' Ugh! We were returning them to their natural habitat! What Providence does is wrong and against the natural order of things! You're a traitor to your own kind.
:'''Rex:''' That's creature's job is to ''exterminate'' mankind! It wanted to kill you!

===Haunted===
===Moonlighting===
===Without a Paddle===

===Written in Sand===
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, I need an uptade.
:'''Rex''': I'm right at the edge. Anything still alive in there is trying to get away from the sandstorm.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': It's not the storm they're running from. The nanites inside them are forcing the animals away. It's creating a kind of nanite-free zone.
:'''Rex''': Ha! We should call White Knight. Maybe he'll move here and leave us all alone.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': It's no laughing matter, Rex. It could be the most significant development since the original nanite event.
:'''Rex''': Yeah, yeah. Possible cures save the world-- Got it. I'll check it out.
:'''Bobo''': Hey, doc. You may wanna get a load of this over here.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Negative. The storm is moving in too fast. Just place a sensor and pack it in.
:'''Rex''': Hey. No. It couldn't be. Rex to base. We got trouble of the egomaniacal EVO kind.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Van Kleiss is here? Why am I not surprised?
:'''Rex''': I think the real question is, if everything else is in such a race to get out, why is he going on? 
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, wait.
:'''Rex''': Don't worry, doc. It's me. What could possibly happen?
:'''Skalamander''': RARGH! PTUH! They're nothing but dirt.
:'''Biowulf''': My senses-- Useless in all this sand.
:'''Van Kleiss''': This phenomenon deserves my personal attention. What we seek is nearby. I can feel it pushing against me.
:'''Rex''': ''[Rex emerges from the sand storm]'' Yeah?
:''[Skalamander grunts]''
:'''Rex''': ''[Rex kicks Skalamander]'' How about kicking against you, too?
:'''Van Kleiss''': Rex! You're not welcome here.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex''': Now, that hurt my feelings!
:''[Rex groaning]''
:''[Skalamander pins him to the sand, causing him to groan in pain]''
:''[Skalamander laughs]''
:'''Rex''': Aaah! Whoa!
:'''Van Kleiss''': If I never see your face again, It will be too soon!
:'''Rex''': Yeah? The feeling's-- Whoa! Mutual!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex? Rex, do you read me?
:''[Bobo coughing]''
:'''Bobo''': Okay, we gotta get outta here. I got sand in places I didn't even know I had places.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, if you can hear me, we're retreating to the safe zone. Rendezvous with us there.
:'''Rex''': AAAAH! WHOA-OHHHHHHH!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Rex coughs]''
:'''Rex''': Okay, Kleiss-- Go time! No EVO allies, just you and-- Whoa! Uh, sorry, buddy. Didn't mean to bring you along for the ride.
:'''Van Kleiss''': I don't need my EVO allies, when I can simply make more.
:'''Rex''': Don't get me wrong-- I love punching stuff. But anything you can do, I can undo better! We can do this all day. Or you can just spill it.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex''': Why are you causing this nanite-free zone?
:'''Van Kleiss''': How convenient it must be to make me the root of all evil. I'm not causing it. I've come to discover the source and destroy it.
:'''Rex''': This could be the cure to nanites.
:'''Van Kleiss''': And I live off nanites. What Providence calls a cure, I call death.
:'''Rex''': Really? Haven't we moved past this?
:'''Van Kleiss''': Huh?
:''[Van Kleiss grunts]''
:''[After Van Kleiss creates a scorpion EVO to attack Rex, it attacks him instead.]''
:'''Rex''': That is the funniest thing I have ever seen! Hang on-- I got to get this on video. ''[Takes out cell phone and starts recording Van Kleiss dodging the scorpion EVO.]''
:''[Van Kleiss panting]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': Something's wrong. I should be controlling this creature.
:'''Rex''': Stinks to be you. Huh? You ruined my shot!
:'''Van Kleiss''': I believe we've found something more interesting.
:'''Rex''': You like to point out the obvious, don't you?
:'''Bobo''': Don't get me wrong-- I love the kid, but if we don't pull stakes now, we'll be combing dust outta all sorts of places for years.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Too late. Hold on to everything that's not tied down. This is going to be a bumpy... ride.
:'''Six''': Holiday? I trust you're all right?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': I'm fine, Six. But Rex is still out there-- With Van Kleiss. I can't reach him.
:'''Six''': We'll prep a rescue party. Prepare to come aboard.
:'''Rex''': Hey!
:'''Van Kleiss''': This is not simply a nanite-free zone. Something is stealing the nanites from our bodies. If we linger here too long, we may both find ourselves defenseless against the other.
:'''Rex''': Well, then, we'd better blow this joint. And when I say &quot;we&quot; I mean &quot;me&quot;.
:''[Rex tries to escape and fails]''
:'''Rex''': AAAAAAAAH!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': If either of us is to escape this place, we will have to work together.
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex''': What exactly are you suggesting?
:'''Van Kleiss''': A temporary truce.
:'''Rex''': An extremely temporary truce.
:'''Van Kleiss''': We'll work our way to the center of the nanite storm.
:'''Rex''': No, we work our way out of the nanite storm and get Providence in here to figure out what's happening.
:'''Van Kleiss''': Providence? They can't be trusted.
:'''Rex''': Them? Didn't you try to take over New York? And Europe? And the world?
:'''Van Kleiss''': You need to listen to me, Rex. Without a powers, you're nothing but a child.
:'''Rex''': Oh, yeah? Truce over! Okay. This is awkward. Hey, is it just me, or are you getting really dust?
:'''Van Kleiss''': It's happening faster than I thought.
:'''Rex''': What's happening faster? If you know something, you'd better spit it out, or-- Whoa! It all looks fossilized. Like it's made completely out of... sand.
:'''Van Kleiss''': Not only are there no nanites here, this is pure silicone. There are no other elements-- No carbon, calcium, hydrogen. It appears that this zone not only destroys nanites, but is--
:'''Rex''': Squeezing the life from the Earth. This isn't sand. This is me!
:''[Rex whimpering]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': These glyphs-- There's something familiar about them. Sumatran? Mesopotamian?
:'''Rex''': Less geeking, more escaping!
:'''Van Kleiss''': We need to find the epicenter of this maze. These glyphs may hold the answer.
:'''Rex''': Only if one says &quot;exit sign.&quot;
:'''Van Kleiss''': No need to panic, Rex. We have at least twenty minutes before fossilization-- Give or take.
:'''Rex''': &quot;Don't panic&quot;-- Says the guy who used to be dirt.
:''[Van Kleiss grunts]''
:'''Rex''': We're turning into walking litter boxes, and you're checking out caveman graffiti? No wonder I'm always kicking your butt.
:'''Van Kleiss''': You don't have an investigative bone in your body, do you? So strongheaded-- Just like your mother. ''[Rex is silent]'' No, you don't like that, do you-- That I know more about you than you do?
:'''Rex''': Skip the head games. Isn't exactly a good time.
:'''Van Kleiss''': No, but perhaps it is time for some truth. We may perish down here, Rex. Ask me anything you want about the past, and I'll answer it.
:'''Rex''': ''[looks at his own slowly fossilizing body]'' Sell it somewhere else. I'm not buying.
:''[walks away]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': Oh, so the great and powerful Providence has finally come through on their promise to help you remember your past.
:'''Rex''': Something better-- Someone who was actually there at the Nanite Event.
:'''Van Kleiss''': Aha. Your brother, Caesar.
:''[Van Kleiss chuckles evilly]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': I've been following you both very closely since his... miraculous reappearance. Even if you don't want to hear what I have to say, this one's for free. Do not place your trust in Caesar. He's not the man you believe him to be.
:'''Rex''': ''[creates his BFS and holds it at Van Kleiss' throat]'' What are you getting at?
:'''Van Kleiss''': Oh, no, no. That's not how this works. It isn't my turn. Quid pro quo, Rex. If you want to know more-- Why don't we start with something simple? Rylander's Omega Nanite. I know it's inside you.
:'''White Knight''': Status uptade?
:'''Six''': Still no fix on Rex. Scanners can't cut through the storm, so we're moving in to stage a recon.
:'''White Knight''': I will not risk everyone on board that ship for one agent. Not even that agent.
:''[Holiday subtly ends the call. Then to Six]''
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Whoops. Guess the satellite feed went down. Nasty sand.
:''[Six smirks]''
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Caesar? Wanted you to know we haven’t found him yet.
:'''Caesar''': Found who?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex.
:'''Caesar''': Right. Ah. Sorry. That was, uh, fifteen minutes ago. I've done about five hundred task since then. Try calibrating the keep's sensors to search for traces of Selenium. It's something Rex naturally gives off, like dandruff.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': I-- Really? Hmm. Okay, thanks.
:'''Van Kleiss''': So what you're saying is, the motor runs off of gravity and the only exhausts are atoms of selenium.
:'''Rex''': Now you. Squid Pro... Whatever. The nanites, the Event. What started all this?
:'''Van Kleiss''': He didn't tell you? I'm not surprised. It was Caesar.
:''[Rex pushes Van Kleiss to nearest wall and take out his BFS once again]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': Wasteful, Rex.
:'''Rex''': You're lying!
:'''Van Kleiss''': Hardly. Your brother is responsible for the most significant catastrophe in human history. You have to admit that as brilliant as Caesar is, he's... not quite right. Am I telling you something that you haven't already noticed?
:''[Rex groans]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex''': HAAAH!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Van Kleiss coughing]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': You seem to have awoken some sort of defense mechanism.
:'''Rex''': What are they defending? Rocks?
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': Before we're totally devoid of nanites, we need to end this now-- Together.
:'''Rex''': Back to back!
:'''Van Kleiss''': What?
:'''Rex''': Haven't you ever read a comic book? Back to back! No way. These markings-- They're not hieroglyphics. They're circuit boards. This whole cave, this valley-- It's one giant circuit board. These are data conduits-- Ms. Hubs!
:'''Van Kleiss''': You're right. These spirals are solid-state storage-- The standard design for a firewall in a CPU.
:'''Rex''': Did you just say I'm right? Now that I know what we're dealing with, it's a simple matter of-- Hacking in. This is malo-- Muy malo. Van Kleiss, meet the psycho computer who calls herself--
:'''Van Kleiss''': Zag-RS?
:'''Rex''': How do you know that? ''[Zag-RS notices them and attacks them]'' You know Zag-RS? How?
:'''Van Kleiss''': She was designed as a decontamination program at the original nanite laboratory. Her task was to destroy any rogue nanites that escaped from the holding tanks.
:'''Rex''': She did a great job. Whoever designed her should be taken out and beaten with a tendril.
:'''Van Kleiss''': Caesar designed her.
:'''Rex''': I'm gonna have to have a chat with my brother when this is over.
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Van Kleiss''': Focus, you fool. If we're to survive this, we have to use whatever nanites we have left to shut her down.
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex''': No problemo! Ah, come on! Stay up! Show off!
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex''': Well, this bites.
:''[Rex straining]''
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex''': Didn't I leave you in orbit? Shouldn't you have burned up in re-entry or something?
:'''Zag-RS''': Re-entry resulted in a hard desert landing. This unit faced complete system failure. Salvation came from integration with the host space station power cell, where new initiatives were established.
:'''Rex''': Turning the world into a sandbox?
:'''Zag-RS''': Correct. The prevention of organic infection by elimination of organic matter and securing the Earth core system. Soon, this world will function without flaw.
:'''Rex''': Van Kleiss! Change of plan! While, I've got Zaggy occupied, you go and warn Providence before it's too late!
:'''Van Kleiss''': There's no time. Her strength is growing exponentially. To achieve victory, you must trust me.
:'''Rex''': Trust you?! That's comedy gold! Even if I was that big of a doof, neither one of us had enough power to fight back!
:'''Van Kleiss''': That's not entirely true.
:'''Rex''': Huh?
:'''Van Kleiss''': I've not been completely honest with you.
:'''Rex''': Stunned-- Really.
:'''Van Kleiss''': The Omega Nanite within you has a self-replicating program. You can create your own nanites.
:'''Rex''': What?! Why didn't you tell me!
:'''Van Kleiss''': A calculated emission.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex''': No way.
:'''Van Kleiss''': There-- That is the heart of Zag-RS. Strike while you can!
:'''Rex''': Oh, yeah! Now we're talking! Normally, I don't fight girls, but this time I'll make... A big... giant... robot exception!
:'''Dr. Holiday''': I found him, Six-- twenty kilometers northeast. There's a huge spike in trace selenium.
:'''Six''': Charge all weapons.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': The storm's starting to break. But please don't crash.
:'''Rex''': YAAAH!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex''': That's not fair! It worked in the movie!
:''[Rex whimpers]''
:''[Rex groaning]''
:'''Rex''': AAAH!
:'''Zag-RS''': You have miscalculated, human. The more nanites you replicate, the more energy you supply me. 7.5 seconds until I overtake your production.
:''[Van Kleiss grunts]''
:'''Zag-RS''': 4.3 seconds.
:'''Van Kleiss''': AAAAAAAAAH!
:'''Rex''': YAAAAAAH! One psycho robot down, one supervillain to chicken! Finally!
:'''Bobo''': What, you never heard the term &quot;fashionably late&quot;?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Your nanite-replicating function seems to be working well. Most of Zag-RS' alterations have been expunged.
:'''Rex''': Meaning... What?
:'''Bobo''': You ain't gonna wash away at high tide.
:'''Caesar''': This is my design.
:'''Rex''': Great-- My brother created Zag-RS.
:'''Caesar''': Evidently. Though her evolution into some sort of sentient nanite-slayer is most curious.
:'''Six''': Curious?
:'''Rex''': What about what Van Kleiss said?
:'''Caesar''': You mean I'm to blame for the original nanite event? Why don't we ask her? Wait! Interface protocols. Code designate Zag-RS. Respond.
:'''Zag-RS''': Dr. Salazar. Good morning. How may I assist you?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Stand down, gentlemen. Zag-RS has been successfully rebooted. But her memory has been wiped clean.
:'''Rex''': What? You got to be kidding me!
:'''Caesar''': That's interesting. Hmm. Van Kleiss must have implemented a program dump before he left you. It's the only logical conclusion.
:'''Rex''': Program dump?
:'''Van Kleiss''': Do not place your trust in Caesar. He's not the man you believe him to be.
:'''Rex''': Great. So now all we've got is a lame decontamination program with a GPS lady's voice?
:'''Caesar''': GPS lady? Hardly.
:'''Rex:''' I was making a joke.
:'''Caesar''': Don't you recognize it? When I programmed her, I wanted a voice that meant safety, protection, caring. Rex, this is our mother's voice.
:'''Rex''': ''[shocked]'' Mama?

===Night Falls===
: '''Rex:''' If she's not really our grandmother, why are you calling her ''aubuela''?
: '''Caesar:''' There may not be a biological connection but she practically ran the entire town. When you were a boy, you spent every summer here.
: '''Rex:''' I wish I could remember...or any of this.
===Hard Target===
: '''Rex:''' &quot;It's Breach! She's-&quot;
: '''Circe:''' &quot;Messing with you, Rex. Did you actually see on her the other side?&quot;
: '''Rex:''' &quot;Well, no but...OK, why Hong Kong?&quot;
: '''Circe:''' &quot;Because it's on the other side of the world, because she's seriously messed up.&quot;
: '''Cricket:'''&quot; Kind of like our place.&quot; 
: '''Circe:''' &quot;Trust me. She's back in Abysus laughing it off with the rest of the Pack. Besides, I'm not that easy to find.&quot;
: (''Removes the white towel to reveal her shoulder-length black hair partly dyed a deep plum and having donned a dark gray overall dress'')
: '''Rex:''' &quot;OK, Rex. Bad intro. Take a do-over. Like the new look.&quot;
: '''Circe:''' &quot;Wow. A compliment.&quot;
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Skywdd:''' &quot;And that's when Circe goes all [[w:Siren (mythology)|siren]] and blasts the bus driver's pants clean off.&quot;
:'''Circe:''' &quot;Lucky shot. Hit the exact frequency of polyester.&quot;
:'''Tuck:''' &quot;Good thing his boxers were cotton.&quot;
:'''Rex''' (''uncomfortable'')''':''' &quot;Good one. Uh, Circe, remember when you took down that sea monster in Cabo Luna?&quot;
:'''Circe:''' &quot;Please, Rex, I'd rather not remember that right now.&quot;
:'''Skywdd:''' Geez, Rex. Buzzkill.&quot;
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' &quot;Stop it.&quot;
:'''Skywdd:''' &quot;What's with him?&quot;
:'''Circe:''' &quot;Breach lag. Let clean over his bedtime.&quot;
:'''Rex:''' &quot;That and my early morning snooze. By the way, you were right. Breach wasn't after you. She freed Quarry. Got this from the Providence security feed.&quot;
:'''Skywdd:''' &quot;Quarry?&quot;
:'''Tuck:''' &quot;He's lose?&quot;
:'''Cricket:''' &quot;Oh no.&quot;
:'''Circe:''' &quot;You saw Breach and came back ''here!'' What if she followed you!?&quot;
:'''Rex:''' &quot;Don't worry. If Breach were here, I'd feel it. She's here.&quot;
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Breach:''' &quot;Hey, girlfriend.&quot;
: '''Circe:''' &quot;Get out of here, Breach!&quot;
: '''Breach:''' &quot;But Van Kleiss has so been wanting to chat.&quot;
: '''Circe:''' &quot;Then deliver a message for him! &quot;
: (''Uses her ultrasonic bursts on Breach, who creates a portal behind her, knocking her out with her own sonic abilities)''
: '''Rex:''' &quot;Let her go, Breach!!&quot;
: '''Breach:''' &quot;Oh, sorry, Rex. She's gonna save my skin. V.K.'s tough on failure, remember?&quot;
: (''Teleports away with an unconscious Circe on her shoulder'')
: '''Rex:''' &quot;NO!!&quot;
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' &quot;Hold that thought. You can come out now. I got that creeped out feeling.&quot;
:'''Breach:''' &quot;Peek a boo.&quot;
: '''Skwydd:''' &quot;It's her!'' She took Circe.&quot;
: '''Rex:''' But not to Van Kleiss. You never went to Abysus, did you? You slipped her into your little pocket dimension. Let her go, Breach!
: '''Breach:''' And I agree to that...why?
: '''Rex:''' &quot;Because you wouldn't want Van Kleiss to see this. I'm thinking a trade is in order.&quot;
: (''Breach releases Circe, who is caught by Skwydd'')
: '''Circe:''' &quot;I hate you, Breach.&quot;

===A Family Holiday===
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' The pace of study has been staggeringly slow. There have been no significant advancements in nanite research since the original event. Simply put, Providence is not doing enough. What is required is not a military response, but a serious, thoughtful reaction, a scientific answer. The poor and afflicted deserve more. The world, deserves more. Let me introduce Diane. Mother of three. Diane has been diagnosed as incurable, a lost cause. Since then, she's been treated like an animal, locked away from her family... No hope on the horizon. Until now. At Moses Labs, we don't rely on tanks, guns, or secret weapons-- Only an unwavering belief that whatever science breaks, science can fix. Welcome back, Diane.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Happy birthday, little sister.
:'''Rex:''' Hope that I paid the bills. This is going to be expensive.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Caesar:''' Release the hounds.
:''[a door opens revealing some Evo hounds]''
:'''Rex:''' Huh? Whoa!
:'''Bobo Haha:''' Heh! I thought that was just a figure of speech. You're a sick puppy.
:'''Rex:''' Aah! Not cool, bro!
:''[Rex panting]''
:'''Rex:''' ''[Spanish accent]'' Agua, por favor.
:'''Caesar:''' Water second, probes first.
:'''Rex:''' No offense, but being a guinea pig is a lot less fun when it's you instead of Holiday.
:'''Caesar:''' Don't I run the biometric tests with the same efficiency?
:'''Rex:''' How are we related? Have you looked at Holiday?
:'''Bobo Haha:''' She ain't my species and even I know she's a hottie.
:'''Caesar:''' She is... very smart.
:'''Rex:''' Where is the Doc anyway? She usually can't wait to get her hands on me.
:'''Bobo Haha:''' Saw her this morning, looking pretty grim.
:'''Agent Six:''' It's her sister. Her sister's birthday to be precise. Holiday gets introspective this time of year.
:'''Caesar:''' Her sister? Oh, is she smart too?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Hey guys. Can't talk. Hangar!
:'''Bobo Haha:''' Ah, human dames. I don't know how you guys keep up.
:''[Dr. Holiday pants]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Thank you for coming, Dr. Moses. It's a genuine honor.
:'''Rex:''' Who the heck is that guy? Why is Holiday acting all fangirl around him?
:'''Caesar:''' It's Dr. Brandon Moses, the leading researcher in technogenic transmorphing! If anyone's going to develop a kill  for EVOs, it's going to be him!
:'''Bobo Haha:''' Now, that's actin' fan-girl.
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Not the worst I've seen.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Can you help her?
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Beverly would be an excellent candidate for my treatments. Have her transported to my facility.
:'''Rex:''' Hold up! I know you have a bunch of letters after your name, but curing EVOs is what I do. Some of them--
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Some you just can't handle, Rex. Dr. Moses' research goes to places you don't, so if you don't mind-- 10 minutes, then we'll be in the air. Thank you, doctor. I've earned 5 years' worth of personal time, Knight. I plan to use it all. 
:'''White Knight:''' I don't like it, but I like your sister even less. Go for your &quot;cure&quot;, Holiday. But if it doesn't work, don't bring her back.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Agent Six:''' What do you really know about Dr. Moses?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I know what I saw.
:'''Agent Six:''' You're not taking her to the doctor for a checkup. Has he handed you supporting data?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Why won't you let me have this? It's the first glimmer of hope I've had since Rex got here.
:'''Agent Six''': I think you've lost your objectivity. If you can't help her--
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' That's the point! I can't! I need this cure. If you won't help me, stay out of my way!
:'''Rex:''' Any chance she's right?
:'''Agent Six:''' Hope she is.
:'''Rex:''' But we're not going to sit around and do nothing in case she's wrong, right? Today you're my sidekick-- Not a fashion-challenged soccer mom blocking my mojo. If there's any chance of playing hero for Holiday, I call dibs.
:'''Security guard:''' Dr. Moses' inventions are not for public viewing-- Especially not by Providence.
:''[Security guard grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' That &quot;soccer mom&quot; comment really got to you, huh? When did science geeks start packing heat? Huh?
:'''Agent Six:''' Check the machine.
:'''Rex:''' I'm no engineer, but as far as I can tell, all this thing does is light up and go &quot;ping&quot;. They never cured it! This was a scam!
:'''Agent Six:''' Holiday's in trouble. Holiday, Moses is a fraud. There is no cure!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' What's going on here? Moses, what is this?
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Business, Dr. Holiday-- Big business. Now, if you wouldn't mind stepping aside so I can collect your sister--
:'''Agent Six:''' Holiday?! What's happening?!
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Or don't step aside. I'm good either way.
:'''Agent Six:''' Holiday! We've got our coordinates. Go!
:'''Rex:''' It's a hundred miles away!
:'''Agent Six:''' Correct.
:'''Rex:''' Hold on to your swords, old man!
:''[Dr. Holiday grunts]:''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I trusted you!
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' A bad trait, a scientist. But look on the bright side-- You won't be locked in a cell anymore. That was just... Shameful.
:'''Rex:''' Be the hero. Be the hero. Be the--
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' ...Zero. You'll be a lot less grouchy in a few seconds, pal. Half cured? That's new.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' They've got Beverly.
:'''Rex:''' You wanna talk to her?
:'''Agent Six:''' Now's not the time.
:'''Rex:''' And when exactly is. She needs a friend, Six.
:'''Agent Six:''' I... prefer to keep it professional. Keeps people from getting hurt.
:'''Rex:''' Dude. Take off the sunglasses. She's already hurting. If I were you--
:''[Six gets a radio signal]''
:'''Agent Six:''' If you were me, you'd have a lead. Get Holiday. Dust off in 3.
:'''Rex:''' Where are we going?
:'''Agent Six:''' Moses may be a genius but not because he can cure EVOs. He overpowers them-- Hypercharges the nanites with excess energy to push their transformations.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' That's why Rex only partially cured that EVO he stripped the EVO of its extra power. But at its core, it was still incurable.
:'''Rex:''' We learned something new today. Great.
:'''Agent Six:''' Gets worse. Moses has turned his tech into a cottage industry. He takes incurables and weaponizes them to sell to the highest bidder.
:'''Rex:''' Don't sugarcoat it, Six.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' How did you find this out?
:'''Agent Six:''' I called some former associates-- People who know things, things that good people shouldn't know about.
:'''White Knight:''' Question-- Why is my keep on an unapproved mission?
:'''Rex:''' It's cool, Knight. We're helping Holiday.
:'''White Knight:''' No! We had a deal! Return to base immediately!
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It's over guys. I can't drag you down because of my mistake. I won't.
:'''Agent Six:''' Keep returning to base.
:''[Knight ends the transmission]''
:'''Agent Six:''' I said the keep is returning to base. I didn't say we'd be on the keep.
:'''Rex:''' You okay?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Hanging in there.
:'''Rex:''' Hanging in there is good. I don't like to see you unhappy, you know. I-I mean--
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I know what you mean. Thanks.
:'''Agent Six:''' Better luck next time.
:''[Rex gasps]''
:'''Rex:''' Jealous much, sidekick?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Who is that?
:'''Rex:''' Someone who knows things good people shouldn't.
:'''Five:''' Machine boy! Like the new ax? You owe me for the last one.
:'''Agent Six:''' We'll talk music later, Five. You have word on Moses?
:'''Five:''' Five don't lie. Your guy is running an auction-- Tonight.
:'''Agent Six:''' I owe you.
:'''Five:''' She's a lot more beautiful than you let on, Six. Try not to screw it up this time.
:'''Agent Six:''' You coming?
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' The EVO is the military ordinance of the future. We all know it. You drop one of these babies into your neighbor's backyard, and it's game over. But to get the most annihilation out of your nanites... you need me.
:'''Human EVO:''' You promised to cure!
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' My technology not only amps up their abilities, but, for an extra charge, will modify their behavior to suit your needs. What am I bid for this army of one?
:'''Agent Six:''' ''[Bursting in]'' I'll open with extradition for crimes against humanity!
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' ''[to his bidders]'' Wait! This is just a minor disturbance.
:''[Moses groans]''
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' ''[to Holiday]'' Do you know what you just cost me, all for one hopless wreck?!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[Holiday hits Moses]'' Her name is Beverly.
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Then give sissy a hug.
:'''Dr Holiday:''' No! Don't hurt her, Rex!
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, sure. Handle with care. Whoa! Can you tell her that, too?
:'''Agent Six:''' Going nowhere?
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Uh, let's not be ''[chuckling]'' rash.
:''[Holiday slaps Moses]''
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' I'm gonna have to get you a dictionary. Rash will not help anyone, especially not Beverly.
:''[Holiday grabs Moses]''
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Who can still be cured.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[Holiday drops Moses]'' What?
:'''Agent Six:''' ''[Brandishing his swords]'' No games. Truth or dead.
:'''Rex:''' Fight still going! Need assistance! Big time! Whoa!
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' I did invent a machine that de-powered nanites, almost. But the bonds and nanite particles were too strong to break. Instead, I discovered that I could reverse the polarity to its maximum, overpowering the nanites. It's easier and-- Profitable.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' But you did isolate the bonds? So, you can break them!
:'''Agent Six:''' Holiday!
:'''Rex:''' Whoa! Ugh! Unh! Okay, I called hero, but I need some extra kick for my sidekick! Unh! Seriously!
:'''Dr. Brandon Moses:''' Time to earn a return on my investments! Kill them all!
:'''Rex:''' Whoa! Whoa! 
:'''White Knight:''' I won't even bother telling you the trouble you're in. Catch those other EVOs and report to my office the moment you're back.
:'''Rex:''' What other EVO-O-O-O-Os?
:''[Rex turns around and notices the EVOs behind him]''
:'''Rex:''' Ooos?
:'''Rex:''' Think they got it?
:'''Agent Six:''' They'd better. We're busy.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Unh! Okay. That's the flux transponder. That's the nanite energizer. Don't you explode on me-- Not now. Aah!
:'''Rex:''' I'll hand the one crazed sister. You take the other. It'll be like a double date. Don't bother... your sister... while she's working!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I can see what he did, but... uh... there's no time! I can't-- I can't help her! It's over.
:'''Agent Six:''' Holiday-- Rebecca-- You are the strongest, smartest woman I have ever met, and the most stubborn.
:''[Six removes his glasses and looks her in the eyes]''
:'''Agent Six:''' You never give up. If there's a way to help your sister, find it-- now!
:''[Slight pause. Holiday smiles and puts Six's glasses back on his face then leaves]''
:'''Agent Six:''' That's my girl. New plan. Corral her to the machine.
:'''Rex:''' Plans are good! Yah! What you got, Doc?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Moses was right. The polarity of the nanite energizer is wrong! I have to amplify and reverse it. But I don't have-- Six... Your magna blades-- But it would be too dangerous. Six!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Six!
:'''Agent Six:''' Is it working?
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It's working.
:'''Rex:''' Six, get out of there!
:'''Agent Six:''' You called hero on this one, Rex! Finish it-- For her! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Unh! Get them out, Rex-- Both of them-- Now!
:''[Dr. Holiday gasps]''
:'''Rex:''' Doc! You gotta see this!
:''[Dr. Holiday panting]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[as she's trying to revive Six]'' Don't you do this to me! I will hate you forever if you--
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:''[Six coughs]''
:'''Beverly:''' Rebecca?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Beverly!
:'''Rex:''' That was... I'm... Wow! Six, I've never said it before and I'll probably never say it again, but... I'm honored to be your partner.
:'''Bobo Haha:''' Mushy stuff? Oh! Glad I missed it.
:'''Rex:''' But don't ever do anything like that again.
:'''Agent Six:''' Agreed. But you have to admit though... It was worth it.
:''[Dr. Holiday and Beverly laughs]''
:'''White Knight:''' We're not running a boarding house here. No more relatives.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I just need her for a few more tests, sir. She was only 13 when she went Evo, and she's in a fragile state.
:'''Beverly:''' Woo Hoo!
:''[Beverly laughing]''
:'''Beverly:''' Rex just took me on a ride through the Zoo on his cycle.
:'''White Knight:''' &quot;Fragile.&quot; Right.
:'''Rex:''' We're going to the mall.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Are you asking permission?
:'''Rex:''' No. I'm asking if we can have some money. Providence pays me nada.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Can I have a word with you?
:'''Agent Six:''' Sure this is a good idea? Could ruin your hero status with Holiday.
:'''Rex:''' It's funny. After meeting Bev, out of nowhere, it hit me that Doc Holiday is just a little too old for me. So, since I'm out of the way, I guess there's nothing stopping you anymore, huh, &quot;hero&quot;?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Well... right. I guess... I'll set up those tests.
:''[Holiday starts to walk past Six. Six takes a hold of her hand]''
:'''Agent Six:''' Or... we could get some dinner.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Outside? In the real world? Like real people? Like a--
:'''Agent Six:''' Yes. Like a date.
:''[Dr. Holiday gasps]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It's about time.

===Hong Kong Nights===

===Whispers in the Dark===
===Cutting It Close===

===Exposed===
:'''White Knight''': All Providence personnel, this is a priority-one alert.
:'''Agent Six''': Do not panic. Remember your training.
:'''White Knight''': In all my years of working at Providence, never have I been put in such a situation. These interlopes could be anywhere at any given moment.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Hey, what's all the-- Whoa! Sorry. We're late.
:'''Bobo Haha''': You can't prove a thing!
:'''White Knight''': Watch what you say. Watch what you do. The very future of Providence may depend upon it.
:'''Rex Salazar''': So, what's going on? Van Kleiss attack in the HQ again?
:'''Agent Six''': Worse.
:'''Diane Farrah:''' I'm Diane Farrah, and for the first time ever, we've got an exclusive all-access pass inside the top-secret organization known as Providence. To uncover for our viewers, all the juiciest behind-the-scenes details of this most secret of institutions. And to find out the real story behind that man of mystery you've all wondered about for so long.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Aah.
:'''Diane Farrah''': All your questions are about to be answered. Welcome to Providence Exposed! ''[Camera closes-up on her face]'' On Ultimate Exposure! And cut. Great into, guys. Okay, moving on.
:'''Rex Salazar''': This is cool.
:'''Agent Six''': This is wrong.
:'''Rex Salazar''': How's my hair?
:'''Bobo Haha''': Delicious.
:'''White Knight''': Ladies and gentlemen, the delightful Miss Farrah and her crew have used the Freedom of Information Act to force.
:''[White Knight clears his throat]''
:'''White Knight''': To allow them access to a day in the life of Providence. And to ensure you are afforded the very best Providence has to offer, I'm assigning our top man as your personal guide.
:''[Rex moves towards the news team]''
:'''White Knight''': Six, please show Miss Farrah whatever she wants to see.
:'''Agent Six''': Agent Six is the name. On behalf of Providence, I'd like to welcome you to our facility.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Spare me the small talk. I'm here to ask the tough questions, and I expect truthful answers.
:'''Agent Six''': Shoot.
:'''Diane Farrah''': So.. is there a Mrs. Six?
:''[Combs her hair]''
:'''Bobo Haha''': Smooth.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Like you'd have done better.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Are you kidding? They want exposed. I'm going to give that reporter a piece of my mind and a few other pieces while I'm at it. I got stories that'll make them run screaming for the hills.
:''[Bobo Haha laughs]''
:'''Agent Six''': If you'll follow me, I'll be happy to show you one of our nanite research labs up close and personal. EVO control is our primary area of concentration, but Providence is focused on a great many studies. Each employing the best and the brightest our planet has to offer.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Thanks, Six. You know, this is my brother's lab. He's only like the smartest guy in the entire world. Yeah, being the best at what we do totally runs in our family.
:'''Caesar Salazar''': Not a good time.
:'''Agent Six''': That experiment is highly sensitive.
:'''Diane Farrah''': So, Agent Six, how did you become a Providence agent?
:'''Agent Six''': That's also highly sensitive.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Amazing story though about how I became a Providence agent. See, there was this big accident.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Good morning. My name is Dr. Rebecca Holiday, And I'm the chief research officer for the Providence Laboratory Facilities - specializing in the study of evology. Providence's number one priority is the security of our planet. And through the studying and understanding the forces that threaten us--
:'''Diane Farrah''': Let's cut to the chase, shall we, doctor?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Oh, um, okay.
:'''Diane Farrah''': How do you balance the threat of EVOs, the constant danger... with being a woman?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Uh.
:''[Dr. Holiday laughs nervously]''
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Oh, excuse me.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Speaking of studying, check this out. You can edit that, right?
:'''Diane Farrah''': We're all about the editing.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, maybe you could show these journalists some of your other duties, like what you're supposed to be doing right now, for instance.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Oh, man. That's right. Come on. You're going to love this.
:'''Diane Farrah''': EVOs come from far and wide for a chance to be cured by this young man. How often do you do this?
:'''Rex Salazar''': At least once a week here at HQ. When I'm in other parts of the county or the world, Providence sets up a mobile cure station. There are a lot of people out there who need my help. I only wish I could get to them all. Wait. Um, let my try again. ''[after Rex can't cure an EVO]'' Shut it off.
:'''Diane Farrah''': But this is really good drama, Rex.
:'''Rex Salazar''': I asked to be on TV. They didn't. Please give these people their privacy.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Come on, buddy. Everybody has an off day.
:'''Rex Salazar''': In front of millions of viewers? So much for everyone's favorite Providence man of mystery.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Well, they're just lucky they haven't had the camera on me yet. Oh man, talk about Ultimate Exposure. When I get through with them--
:'''Rex Salazar''': I just wish I could look cool on camera somehow.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Phbt! Good luck. The only way that's going to happen now is if some experimental EVOs busted out of their cages and went on a rampage so you could round them up and look like a hero.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Providence isn't known for being forthcoming with information. I hope this interview will change that. The people want answers and I fully expect them from you.
:'''White Knight''': Very well. What do you want to know?
:'''Diane Farrah''': For starters, how do you get fresh milk without any nanites in it?
:'''White Knight''': If you must know, it's passed through a powerful magnet that removes and neutralizes any nanite activity.
:'''Agent Six''': Observe.
:''[White Knight smacks lips]''
:'''White Knight''': Anything else?
:'''Diane Farrah''': Not at the moment, but I'll be back.
:'''White Knight''': I look forward to it.
:''[White Knight sips]''
:'''Diane Farrah''': So, Agent Six, what do you think about White Knight's obsession with staying nanite-free at the expense of human contact?
:'''Agent Six''': He's a man of many mysteries.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Look out! Coming through! Dangerous escaped EVOs on the loose! Stand back! Let a professional handle this!
:'''Diane Farrah''': Follow him.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Yeah, I'm kind of awesome.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Did you get them all?
:'''Rex Salazar''': How many did you release?
:'''Bobo Haha''': I don't know, three or four.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Well, which was it? Three or four?
:''[Rex Salazar gasps]''
:'''Agent Six''': Well then. Now that Rex's little demonstration is over, how about a visit to the Providence gift shop? On me.
:'''Diane Farrah''': How long has Providence had a gift shop?
:'''Agent Six''': Since 8:00 A.M. You want to tell me how a class by EVO got out of its electromagnetically-sealed container and just happened to cross paths with our tour?
:'''Rex Salazar''': It's not like this kind of thing doesn't happen here all the time. I just wanted it to happen this time, in front of the camera, all right?
:'''Agent Six''': Not all right. That last EVO-- You just helped it molt so it could grow. Its body is still out there somewhere, getting bigger.
:'''White Knight''': Providence is run like a finely tuned machine. Until you decide to throw a monkey wrench into the works.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Hey, pal, let's leave the comedy to me.
:'''White Knight''': And how is it exactly that these EVOs got out?
:'''Bobo Haha''': Okay, Mea Culpa. I may have accidentally knocked open a cage or two-- Or four.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': That fourth cage was electromagnetically sealed.
:'''Bobo Haha''': I didn't say it was easy.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': The EVO we had contained in there feeds on electricity. It must be kept away from any electrical current.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Then it sure is a good thing this whole place isn't full of electricity. Oh, wait.
:'''White Knight''': Find it. Subdue it. And most importantly, don't let that camera crew see it.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Eh, were wastin' time hunting this thing down when I could be on camera right now, giving those people a piece of my mind.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Hey, I only saw the EVOs empty husk before. What's the real thing look like anyway? Huh?
:'''Bobo Haha''': That.
:''[Rex Salazar grunts]''
:''[Rex Salazar grunting]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Any suggestions?
:'''Bobo Haha''': Can you make a soccer net?
:''[Rex Salazar and Bobo Haha grunts]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Aha! Got you cornered now. There's no way out. You're overpowered.
:'''Bobo Haha''': You were saying?
:'''Agent Six''': You wanted to interview me. Now's your chance. Go.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Um... okay. Tell me, Six-- May I call you Six?-- What is the real truth behind the nanite event that created the EVOs?
:'''Agent Six''': That's classified.
:'''Diane Farrah''': What is your role, if any, in that event?
:'''Agent Six''': That's classified, too.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Are you always this talkative?
:'''Agent Six''': No comment.
:''[Rex Salazar grunts]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Wait. Let me do that again. You didn't get my good side. Which is my good side?
:'''Bobo Haha''': Your backside.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Agent Six, you promised you were taking us to the heart of the operation.
:'''Agent Six''': Right. The heart of the operation. This way.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': [Watching from a monitor] It went right.
:''[Rex goes to his right. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Camera right!
:''[Rex goes to the camera's right]''
:'''Dr. Holiday''': How can you miss it now? It's six feet in diameter and weighs five hundred pounds!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Less criticizing, more helping!
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Try to steer it in the direction of Hallway twelve. We can isolate it in the atrium.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Oh, we've got it contained there now.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': No, sorry. I was reading that backwards. Hallway twenty one.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, Hallway twenty one leads to the central core!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Okay, so, no big deal. That's a cold-fission reactor, not electric, right?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, all electricity is converted from something-- Wind, solar, hydro-- At the central core!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Ohh.
:''[Providence Agent screams]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Uh-hoh.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Rex, listen carefully and do exactly as I say because we're only going to get one shot at this.
:'''Diane Farrah''': One shot at what, doctor?
:'''Dr. Holiday''': The... future. Providence is the future. The future used to be the space program. Now the future is Providence and the science of EVOs.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Doc? Are you still there? We have a situation.
:'''Agent Six''': Just a minor downgrade of power during a routine relay check. Nothing to worry about.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Guys, I could really use some advice right about now!
:''[Rex Salazar grunts]''
:'''White Knight''': Attention all Providence Personnel, we have a Level-One Priority...
:''[Realizes the reporters are present]''
:'''White Knight''': Drill. Repeat-- This is our daily drill in the Central Core-- Now.
:'''Agent Six''': Lunch bell. It's taco day. Anyone hungry?
:'''Diane Farrah''': Agent Six, while we appreciate the commemorative spoons and the tacos, I can't help but think that you've been hiding something from our viewers.
:'''Agent Six''': Not at all, ma'am. Providence is an open book.
:''[Rex Salazar screams]''
:'''Diane Farrah''': Cut! You're ruining the shot, Rex. Just be patient. I will get to you-- I promise.
:''[Rex Salazar groans]''
:'''Agent Six''': Get down.
:''[Diane Farrah gasps]''
:'''Diane Farrah''': That was... what you did.
:'''Agent Six''': Just doing my job, ma'am.
:'''Rex Salazar''': And I'm just doing mine!
:''[Rex Salazar grunts]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': You're not going anywhere now, buddy, except back to your-- Cage?
:'''White Knight''': We hope that you and the Ultimate Exposure team are enjoying our EVO containment demonstration, Miss Farrah. All part of readiness training here at Providence.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Can I quote you on that?
:'''White Knight''': Miss Farah, I'm not gonna stop you from filming, but for your own safety and the safety of your crew, please step back and let my people do what they do best. Alpha Team, I need a containment of the cafeteria, cube formation. Fire! Rex.
:'''Rex Salazar''': I'm on it.
:'''Agent Six''': Stay here. This is the real deal.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Not on your life. Find an elevator. We're missing it.
:'''Caesar Salazar''': Still not a good ti-i-i-i-i-me!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Okay, big boy. No more crawl spaces. No more Hallways. Just you and me in a big, old hangar bay mano y mano.
:''[Rex Salazar grunts]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Huh?
:'''Bobo Haha''': ''[after Rex has been repeatedly beaten back by the Evo]'' Looks like you showed him.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Are you going to talk, or are you going to help?
:'''Bobo Haha''': Talk. Kidding! I'm helping! I'm helping!
:''[Rex Salazar grunts]''
:''[Rex Salazar groaning]''
:''[Rex Salazar groaning]''
:''[Rex Salazar sighs]''
:''[Rex Salazar groaning]''
:'''Diane Farrah''': Please tell me you're getting all of this.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Providence's man of mystery strikes again. Ow! It-- it bit me!
:'''Diane Farrah''': Quick, grab some B-roll footage before they get rid of all the evidence.
:'''Rex Salazar''': You did see that I did all the heavy lifting and Six just took out the trash, right?
:'''Diane Farah''': Don't worry. The camera never lies.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Yes!
:'''Bobo Haha''': Good! Then get a load of this!
:'''Diane Farah''': Do you have something to say?
:''[Camera zooms in on Bobo]''
:'''Bobo Haha''': Oh... oh.
:''[Bobo mutters then passes out]''
:'''Diane Farrah''': I think we have everything we need.
:'''Rex Salazar''': I don't know how you guys came off looking, but yours truly rocked hard. Just call me Providence's Man of Mystery from now on. Oh, yeah! Stardom starts in five, four, three, two--
:'''Diane Farrah''': I'm Diane Farrah, and for the first time ever, we've got an exclusive all-access pass inside the top-secret organization known as Providence. To uncover for our viewers, all the juiciest behind-the-scenes details of this most secret of institutions.
:'''Rex Salazar''': We are so dead.
:'''Bobo Haha''': Nice knowing you, kid.
:'''Diane Farrah''': To find out the real story behind that man of mystery you've all wondered about for so long.
:'''Agent Six''': Agent Six is the name.
:'''Rex Salazar''': They did it.
:'''Bobo Haha''': They did.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': This is a news show? What is the world coming to?
:'''Diane Farrah''': Look out, ladies. Agent Six is the full package -- brains, brawn, and--
:'''Agent Six''': Highly sensitive.
:'''Diane Farrah''': Just what is he hiding behind those alluring, dark glasses of his?
:'''Agent Six''': That's classified.
:'''Diane Farrah''': He's the Providence agent you women wanted to get to know.
:'''Agent Six''': Up close and personal.
:'''Diane Farrah''': That's right, girls.
:'''Agent Six''': He's The real deal.
:'''Diane Farrah''': And he's known throughout Providence as--
:'''Agent Six''': The heart of the operation.
:'''Diane Farrah''': He's the organization's best-kept secret, the ultimate agent, and--
:'''Agent Six''': The man of many mysteries.
:'''Diane Farrah''': And, yes, ladies, he is single -- or is he?
:''[Dr. Holiday laughs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday''': Excuse me.
:'''Agent Six''': No comment.
:''[Rex and Bobo Haha laughs]''
:'''White Knight''': Well, that's a relief.
:'''Rex Salazar''': ''[after the story airs]'' So, man of mystery, what's it like being a big star adored by women everywhere?
:'''Agent Six''': No comment.

===Touch and Go===
===The Siren's Lament===
* Flashbacks as to how Circe came to work for Van Kleiss.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;

===Grounded===
===Six Minus Six===
===In Dreams===

===Lions and Lambs===
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:''[Providence agents are standing in an industrial area, fingers on triggers. Rex flies in on jet pack and lands beside all the agents.]''
:'''Rex:''' Any sign? ''[Rex notices agents shaking in fear.]'' Alright then, who’s up for a burger, anyone? Tough crowd.
:''[Six walks up.]''
:'''Six:'''	These agents seem nervous. Haven’t they dealt with this situation before?
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, that's kind of the problem.
:''[Rex twitches, as if he is feeling Breach's presence.]''
:'''Providence Agent:''' Here she comes.
:''[Breach appears in front of them. They fire at her. She sends their missiles and agents away with red portals.]''
:'''Six:'''	How do we stop her?
:'''Rex:'''	''[Smack Hands.]'' Hit hard and keep clear of anything that glows.
:''[Breach has a collar around her neck like the one Van Kleiss wears, and a device on her chest like his only much larger and shackles are around her giant hands which look like Van Kleiss's bio-mechanical wrist. She opens a red portal. A giant jellyfish-like thing flies out at Six, then a large creature with a horn on its nose runs out. Rex jumps at Breach, she portals out, returns and the device on her chest starts sparking.]''
:'''Rex:'''	What's with the new toy, Breach?
:'''Breach:'''	''[Glares]'' Wouldn’t you like to know?
:''[T-Rex appears through a gold colored portal, sniffs Rex.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Seriously, where do you find these things? Let's see what you started out as, big guy. ''[Tries to cure.] Six? This... this isn't an EVO!'' It's an actual T-Rex! ...Six?
:''[Rex runs from T-Rex.]''
:'''Breach:'''	Have fun. ''[Leaves through red portal.]''
:''[Rex hides behind light pole, T-Rex pulls pole from ground, Rex falls to the ground.]''
:'''Six:'''	I take it this sort of thing doesn't happen all the time?
:'''Rex:''' Try never? This is all kinds of wrong.
:''[Rex makes BFS, runs at T-Rex; Six runs at T-Rex, jumps on and stabs it in back.]''
:'''Holiday:'''	Is that what I think it is?
:'''Six:''' You mean about to be extinct?
:'''Holiday:''' If you destroy the scientific find of a lifetime, it won’t be the only thing.
:'''Rex:'''	It's trying to eat us.
:'''Six:'''	You heard the lady. Take it down soft.
:'''Rex:'''	Easy for you to say.
:''[Rex lies on the ground holding the jaws open with Smack Hands and it slobbers on him.]''
:''[Scene change.]''
:''[Video of T-Rex in confinement field. The T-Rex turns to dust.]''
:'''White Knight:''' Breach is powerful enough as it is, and now you're telling me she can travel through time?
:'''Holiday:'''	However she's doing it, I haven't worked out all the kinks yet. That dinosaur reverted to its actual age about less than two hours after arrival.
:'''Caesar:'''	Photo and deep scan analysis reveals some very interesting technology at work here. Van Kleiss has really stepped up his game.
:'''White Knight:''' Skip the fan talk. How do we stop it?
:'''Caesar:'''	Until I get my hands on the device, I'm not certain we can.
:'''White Knight:''' We have to bring her to our side.
:'''Rex:'''	The only way she's coming here is if she does it willingly.
:'''White Knight:''' How do you propose we persuade her?
:'''Rex:'''	With me. ''[Six and Holiday stare at him skeptically.]'' I can be very convincing. Okay, okay. I think she might still have a thing for me.
:'''Bobo:''' Atta boy, work it on the crazy chick.
:'''White Knight:''' I don't care how we do it as long as we get results. Providence is under the microscope. It is the worst time for Van Kleiss to gain the upper hand. Get to it. Bring her in.
:''[Six and Holiday walking out of the room together down the hall.]''
:'''Six:''' ''[To Holiday.]'' I need a word. Something's wrong with White.
:'''Holiday:'''	Oh. That. He’s always like this, Six.
:'''Six:'''	No. This is different. I know when something is bothering him. The secret meetings, the anxiety. He’s up to something.
:'''Holiday:'''	I'll see what I can find out.
:''[Scene change.]''
:''[Rex on hoverboard, in Providence stealth suit.]''
:'''Rex:'''	WHOO-HOO! Works pretty good. After all, I built it. ''[Loses control of board for a moment.]''
:''[Scene change.]''
:''[Van Kleiss's castle, Rex hiding by entrance.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Going in. ''[Pulls up stealth mask, disappears partly, runs past guard.]''
:''[Scene change.]''
:''[Breach is hooked up to a large machine. Van Kleiss stands before her with a huge bank of controls and displays, spooky dark lighting. She screams.]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' This is unacceptable, Breach. I need you to concentrate.
:'''Breach:''' It hurts.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Think of what I'm trying to achieve here. I cannot fail.
:''[Breach screams in agony and collapses.]''
:''[Rex looks down horrified, Van Kleiss grins, Breach screams and falls down.]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I'll return when it recharges and we'll start again.
:''[Rex holds his hand out to her.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Why do you let him do this to you?
:'''Breach:''' Glory.
:'''Rex:'''	Van Kleiss's glory. Is he even noticing how you're tearing yourself apart for him? Have you ever heard him say thank you? What do you say we blow this joint, you and me? He's hurting you.
:'''Breach:'''	It's not real. It can't hurt you if it isn't real.
:'''Rex:'''	Breach, look at me. It is. I'm real, all of this is real. You don't have to live this way.
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	Why am I not surprised. Rex has come to rescue another of my lost sheep. Perhaps he'll try to save you next, Biowulf.
:'''Rex:'''	That depends. Is he housebroken yet?
:'''Biowulf:'''	I am no traitor.
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	You’ve no doubt seen our little experiment. Breach shows great promise. She just needs a little fine tuning.
:'''Rex:'''	Then what? Go back in time and be king of the cavemen?
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	Why not? It wouldn’t be much of a step down, now would it? Breach, if you would, remove our guest so we can continue. Practice makes perfect, or in your case, acceptable.
:''[Breach makes a red portal.]''
:'''Rex:''' Breach! Think about what you're doing.
:''[Van Kleiss grins, she runs and puts her arms around Rex, portals out with Rex.]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Find her. Now.
:''[Mountains, snow, Rex shivering.]''
:'''Rex:'''	I'm glad you got us out of there, but where... are we?
:'''Breach:'''	When the snow is gone you can see forever.
:'''Rex:''' That's nice. Can we go now?
:'''Breach:''' I need to know if I can trust you.
:'''Rex:'''	You can trust me. I swear.
:''[Breach grabs his hand and hugs him. He opens his eyes. They are standing on a shiny endless reflective surface, reflecting stars.]''
:'''Rex:'''	This is different.
:'''Breach:'''	Do you see it?
:'''Rex:'''	Um--
:'''Breach:'''	This is where the stillness comes from.
:'''Rex:'''	You. Are weird. So what exactly does this mean? Are you coming with me or is this some kind of test?
:'''Breach:'''	I need you to see it.
:'''Rex:'''	Ah... A test.
:'''Breach:'''	Do you wanna understand?
:'''Rex:'''	Not exactly sure. ''[She glares, he waves his hands in front of him.]'' Yes, I mean yes. I mean--
:'''Breach:''' Follow me. ''[Walks through red portal.]''
:''[Another place. A door, a doll, a bear and a fire hydrant float in space.]''
:''[Rex hanging upside down, she is holding him by his ankle above a swirling pink vortex.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Ahh! What happened? I thought we were getting along fine!
:'''Breach:'''	Why are you here?
:'''Rex:''' Good question. Where exactly is here? Can we go somewhere else now, somewhere like, on Earth?
:''[She drops him. He screams and lands on the floor between some stacks of books.]''
:'''Rex:''' You sure know how to pick'em. What kind of tripped out dimension is this? ''[Librarian walks by and shushes him.]'' Oh. College.
:'''White Knight:''' ''[On communicator in Rex's right ear.]'' Rex, report. Where on earth have you been?
:'''Rex:'''	Apparently every place but.
:'''White Knight:''' I need to know you can handle this otherwise we're going to try a different approach.
:'''Rex:'''	You need to chill out, White. I’m making progress. ''[Rex puts his hand to his left ear.]'' Dr. Holiday, are you there?
:'''Holiday:'''	Tracking shows you’re with Breach. Are you okay?
:'''Rex:'''	Fine? Creeped out but fine. I can't bring Breach back to Providence, White would just lock her up and that won't help.
:'''Holiday:'''	Where will you take her?
:'''Rex:'''	I'll think of something. Just keep White Knight off my case.
:''[Breach appears behind him.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Why don't you let me pick out where we go next?
:''[Scene change.]''
:''[White Knight hands folded moving nervously.]''
:'''White Knight:''' He says he's making progress.
:'''Black Knight:''' The committee is losing confidence. They want results, not excuses.
:'''White Knight:''' Then that's exactly what they’ll get.
:''[Scene change. Rex sits across from Breach in a booth at a bowling alley.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Soooo, don't like bowling, huh? I figured with the extra arms you'd be a natural.
:'''Breach:'''	I'm not supposed to like you, but I do.
:'''Rex:''' ''[smiles]'' We're teenagers. At least assuming you are. Doing what we are not supposed to is part of the job. French fry?
:''[She takes it and then drops it.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Do you remember anything? From before you... changed?
:'''Breach:'''	I remember everything. And nothing.
:'''Rex:''' Naturally. Why did I even bother to ask. Listen, Breach. I'm not going to pretend I understand you, ''[Puts his hand on her giant hand]'' but I can help. If you let me.
:''[The machine starts to glow, they jump to their feet, other people look startled.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Nothing to worry about. Everything's fine.
:'''Breach:'''	I can't, I can't stop it.
:'''Rex:'''	Let me try. ''[He tries and it knocks him onto the floor sparking.]''
:'''Breach:'''	Van Kleiss has control. They're coming.
:''[Van Kleiss busts through the door with The Pack following. Raises bio-mechanical hand, palm of it glows, device on Breach's chest turns off.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Okay, do your thing. Get us out of here. Anywhere.
:''[she tries]''
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	You can't take what doesn't belong to you.
:'''Rex:'''	I didn't take you for the jealous type. ''[Rex shoots bowling balls at Van Kleiss with his cannon, hits Biowulf and Skalamander in the face and Van Kleiss punches the balls aside with his bio-mechanical hand.]''
:'''Rex:''' Breach, let's go!
:''[Breach rides off with Rex on hoverboard, Van Kleiss and Pack follow on three flying fish EVO's with harnesses and big teeth. They dodge and crash Van Kleiss into a window, and land in a park.]''
:''[Breach and Rex stand together on a footbridge looking down into the water.]''
:'''Breach:''' ''[Walks to bridge and looks at her reflection, Rex follows.]'' Will they hurt me?
:'''Rex:'''	Providence? Not if I can help it.
:'''Breach:'''	They did before. Ms. Smarty Pants—she likes to hurt me.
:'''Rex:''' I'll give you my word, if you come back to Providence, I promise no one will hurt you.
:'''Breach:'''	We can be together forever and ever. ''[She walks off bridge, ducks swimming in water.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Uh... something like that. What am I getting myself into? We gotta move. I bet my brother has already figured out how to turn that thing of yours off.
:''[The ducks fly off, they look and see a reflection in the pond of White Knight's ship.]''
:''[White Knight walks up followed by Providence fighter planes.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Uh guys, what are you doing?!
:'''White Knight:''' If you can't have something done right, do it yourself.
:''[They shoot at Breach, she screams, Rex is horrified.]''
:'''Rex:''' No! No! No! ''[walks up bridge to White Knight]'' Do have any idea what you just did?
:''[Breach's chest device turns on, she screams, Providence shoots at her.]''
:'''Rex:''' Is this what you wanted? Congratulations! ''[runs to Breach]'' Breach! Wait!
:'''Breach:''' Liar! ''[Throws red portal at Rex, he dodges, second one hits him, he disappears. Providence keeps shooting, she throw portals, drops three soldiers in water.]''
:'''White Knight:''' Agent Six!
:''[He jumps at her, she portals him away to behind Knight. Rex jumps from the water onto the bridge by Knight.]''
:'''Rex:'''	You had no intention to bring her in, did you?
:'''White Knight:''' I wanted to believe you, Rex, but this is too important. She can't be controlled.
:'''Rex:''' Control... Her powers are back on. Van Kleiss.
:''[Van Kleiss arrives on flying fish EVO.]''
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	Settle down, Breach.
:''[Chest device turns off.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Let me do this. I can get through to her. Come on. It couldn't get any worse than you've already made it
:''[Knight and Six look at each other.]''
:'''White Knight:''' Form a perimeter around Breach. Van Kleiss isn't to touch her.
:''[A rock wall rises from the ground blocking Rex as he runs towards Breach. The Pack jumps down from wall to attack Rex, Six intervenes. Agents surround Breach, she tries and fails to make red portal. Screams. Van Kleiss flies in on fish, knocks down agents with bio-mechanical whip arm, shoots needles from fingers and knocks more down, fish knocks the rest down. White Knight shoots at Van Kleiss.]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' If you had any idea what I was trying to do you might even welcome it.
:'''White Knight:''' Enlighten me.
:''[Van Kleiss touches a tree and it turns into an EVO. EVO tree catches and holds White. Six and Biowulf fight, Rex and Skalamander fight.]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Enlighten you?
:''[Sticks his claws in White Knight, glowing White Knight screams.]'' All in good time, White Knight, assuming you have some left.
:''[Six throws a magnablade through Van Kleiss's bio-mechanical arm and he lets go of White.]''
:'''Six:'''	''[to White Knight]'' Go. I mean it. ''[White Knight flies off.]''
:'''Six:''' The name's Six.
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	We've met.
:'''Six:'''	Don't remember. ''[They fight.]''
:''[Breach on merry-go-round, turning slowly looking at the sky.
:'''Rex:'''	You're just using her.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Of course I am. She knows it. Spare me the chivalry, Rex. Providence would do the same.
:'''Rex:'''	Either way you slice it, she loses!
:'''Breach:''' ''[to herself]'' My two favorites. You both lie. Neither is real.
:'''Rex:''' ''[goes to her]'' Breach, I'm sorry. I meant what I said.
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	Words mean nothing.
:'''Rex:''' Then let this do the talking. ''[Turns on her machine, puts it into her power.]''
:''[Van Kleiss laughs evilly]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' You just handed her a loaded gun.
:'''Rex:'''	And now it's her choice how to use it.
:'''Van Kleiss:'''	Oh if only I had the chance to get through to you, Rex, to teach you how the world really works.
:''[Breach steps in front of Van Kleiss, raises her arms as if to send Rex away. Makes huge yellow portal above them.]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Our very first time traveler. You should be honored. Now Breach, if you wouldn't mind.
:''[Van Kleiss laughs evilly]''
:''[Rex closes his eyes. Breach sends Van Kleiss away with yellow portal.]''
:'''Rex:''' That was... unexpected.
:''[Rex tries to turn machine off but fails.]''
:'''Rex:'''	It won't turn off. I'm sorry. I, I didn't know.
:'''Breach:'''	Van Kleiss made it like this so I wouldn't send him away.
:'''Rex:'''	That didn't work out so well did it? Six, get everyone out of here now! ''[A big yellow dome forms around the playground where Rex and Breach stand.]''
:'''Rex:'''	So, what's going to happen?
:''[Rex and Breach are about to be engulfed by Breach's out of control time portal]''
:'''Breach''': ''[she looks up]'' I don't know if any of this was real. But it was nice having a friend for a while. ''[Rex smiles, Breach hugs him as they dispensary in the golden time portal]''
:'''Rex:''' I didn't get blown up. ''[Sees a lizard.]'' Whoa! ''[Jumps away, startled.]'' Oh no, please don't let this be dino time. ''[Touches earpiece in left ear.]'' Rex to Providence, do you copy? :''[Takes earpiece out and looks at it.]'' Oh... Rex to Providence, you better be there.
:'''Providence Agent:''' Uh... we copy, Rex. We have a lock on your coordinates and are sending a jump jet.
:'''Rex:'''	Is Six okay? Breach went supernova.
:'''Providence Agent:''' Someone's on the way, just hold tight. Providence out.
:''[Scene change, Rex lying on the ground.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Took you long enough.
:''[Turns over and sees Providence agents, pointing guns at him.]''
:'''Providence Agent:''' Rex is onboard. Heading back to HQ.
:'''Rex:'''	HQ? Ten minutes ago I was in the middle of an epic battle. You need to take me back!
:'''Providence Agent:''' Um, that battle is over.
:'''Rex:''' What happened? Is Six okay? Guys...what's going on?
:''[They arrive at HQ.]''
:'''Caesar:'''	Baby brother, you're okay! ''[Runs and hugs him.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Breach just sent me to nowheresville. Nothing to freak out over.
:'''Caesar:'''	''[To Providence agent.]'' You didn't tell him?
:'''Providence Agent:''' Our orders were just to bring him back.
:'''Rex:'''	Tell me what? Hey, when did you... have a beard?
:'''Caesar:''' There's no easy way to tell you this, hermano. Breach didn't just send you to the middle of nowhere. You've been gone for six months.
:'''Rex:'''	Six months?! So this is--
:'''Caesar:''' Technically, the future. I should warn you, there've been a few changes.
:'''Rex:'''	You didn't give away my room, did you?
:'''Caesar:''' As a matter of fact, they did.
:'''Rex:''' What?! Caesar, tell me what's going on here.
:'''Caesar:'''	It would be better if I showed you.
:'''Rex:'''	White Knight taking visitors now?
:'''Caesar:'''	I'll wait out here.
:''[Rex sees Providence agents dressed in black.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Nice suits.
:''[Goes into the office.]''
:'''Rex:'''	Ah... Love what you've done with the place. White?
:''[Person in chair turns around, it's a woman, not White Knight.]''
:'''Black Knight:''' Thank you, Rex. ''[She gets up and walks towards him.]'' It was a little bright for my taste. White Knight is no longer associated with this organization.
:'''Rex:''' He quit?
:'''Black Knight:''' He...attempted a hostile takeover and failed. Can I get you anything? Water? A snack?
:'''Rex:''' I don't want a snack! Where's Six? Where's Holiday!?
:'''Black Knight:''' This must upsetting to you. Change is never easy but from I understand, you've been in situations like this before. Everything's going to be fine.
:'''Rex:''' Who are you?!
:'''Black Knight:''' Someone very happy to have you back. Call me Black Knight.

==Season Three (2011-2013)==
===Back in Black===
: '''Rex''': Okay, I get what's going on here.
: '''Black Knight''': I'm relieved to hear that, Rex.
: '''Rex''': You can come out! I know you're there!
: '''Black Knight''': Rex?
: '''Rex''': We're friends, now, remember? Breach?
: '''Black Knight''': Breach isn't here, Rex. The world's changed. As soon you accept th--
: '''Rex''': No, I'm not ignoring you. It's just that you're not real.
: '''Black Knight''': I assure you I'm very real-- as is all of this.
: '''Rex''': ''[chuckling]'' Oh, come on. It's been a fun time in the ol' Breachscape, but, you know, time to go home now.
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Rex''': Seen this before. Usually ends with a black hole.
: '''Black Knight''': Rex, you're disoriented. Let me--
: '''Rex''': Sorry, non-lady. No time. Got an exit to find! Shall we aprehend?
: '''Black Knight''': It won't be necessary.
: '''Caesar''': Rex! Have you lost it?
: '''Rex''': Caesar! We're in a pocket dimension! It could collapse at any second!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Caesar''': That's crazy, Rex. This is not a pocket dimension.
: '''Rex''': You're right! It's a whole alternate universe! And-- and-- and you're my Brother's evil twin! Out of the way! Six! Six! Doc!
: ''[Rex panting]''
: '''Rex''': Dr. Holiday! Doc!
: ''[Rex sighs]''
: '''Rex''': Wha-- Well, at least some things haven't changed. Whoa! Whoa! Okay, now I-- Bleh-- know I'm in an-- Aah!-- alternate universe. Unh! You can go ahead and -- Blech!-- Eat me now, please.
: '''Black Knight''': Release.
: '''Rex''': You were... saying something about changes?
: '''Black Knight''': There have been a few.
: '''Caesar''': You've got temporal lag, Rex. It's kind of like altitude sickness, only in time. Here-- This will balance your electrolytes.
: ''[Rex sighs]''
: '''Rex''': So this is really-- 
: '''Black Knight''': Really. Welcome to the future, Rex-- Or, rather, to the present. Without your healing abilities, Providence has embraced a new paradigm. We've moved beyond the outmoded era of &quot;cure, contain, or kill.&quot;
: '''Rex''': And into the era of &quot;serious leash laws&quot;.
: '''Caesar''': We used the petting zoo as our test bed. What do you think?
: '''Rex''': I think it needs a new name, 'cause, you know, now it really is one.
: '''Caesar''': We've developed new techniques for working with EVOs. It's all about understanding them better.
: '''Rex''': So, you're some sort of &quot;EVO whisperer&quot;?
: '''Caesar''': ''[laughs]'' It's a bit more complicated than that. You sure you're okay? ''[sighs]'' It's good to have you back, brother.
: '''Black Knight''': Family ties. They transcend even time itself.
: '''Rex''': Caesar's not my only family.
: '''Black Knight''': I'll bring you up to speed on the others. When you went M.I.A., White Knight lost his biggest weapon in the war for EVO containment.
: '''Rex''': Figures that I have to vanish for him to appreciate me.
: '''Black Knight''': White became erratic-- some might say paranoid. Directorate lost faith in his ability to lead.
: '''Rex''': Directorate? I never knew white even had a boss.
: '''Black Knight''': There are, shall we say, layers. I was named as his replacement.
: '''Rex''': Let me guess-- he didn't take it well.
: '''Black Knight''': You could say that.
: '''Providence Agent''': White Knight! Sir! Stand down!
: '''White Knight''': I'd rather go down in flames than see Providence in the hands of the enemy.
: '''Providence Agent''': He's got a bomb! Fall back! All units fall ba--
: '''Rex''': Whoa! That was--
: '''Black Knight''': Your room.
: '''Rex''': Huh? Aww, man! But... Six... Holiday... where--
: '''Black Knight''': Where do you think? They're out looking for you. Agent Six and Holiday took indefinite leave. They've been off the grid ever since. I've attempted to contact them, but no response.
: '''Rex''': Mind if... I give them a ring? Not that I don't trust you.
: '''Black Knight''': But you don't trust me. Natural, given the circumstances. Be my guest. It won't take long, to locate them. Meanwhile, there are many familiar faces who will be glad to hear you're back. Which reminds me... This is everything we salvaged from your room.
: '''Rex''': Huh. Talk about starting over.
: '''Black Knight''': You could you know. There's still a place for you in the--
: '''Rex''': My room. I thought you said it was trashed.
: '''Black Knight''': Rex, wait.
: '''Rex''': What's the matter, Black? This where you're hiding all your evil secrets?
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Rex''': Um... Wow!
: '''Black Knight''': This entire wing was destroyed in the blast. I had the space... repurposed.
: '''Rex''': White wouldn't even splurge for private stalls.
: '''Black Knight''': As you see, I treat my finest people to the very finest things.
: '''Rex''': Sure. I'll take one of those, please.
: '''Black Knight''': It's yours-- and anything else you'd like.
: '''Rex''': As long as I do whatever you want-- That it?
: '''Black Knight''': On the contrary-- you're a seasoned agent. I have a few boundaries, but otherwise, handle matters as you see fit.
: '''Rex''': Say I refuse.
: '''Black Knight''': Then I turn you over to mel. ''[chuckling]'' I'm kidding. You're free to leave whenever you like. But I hope you'll stay. Now, more than ever, Providence needs a Rex. So, how do you feel? Like I haven't used one of those in Six months-- Which I haven't. You mind? Bobo?
: '''Bobo''': Rex! Heard you were back. So great to see you, buddy. Whoa. Just a sec, there, pal. Gotta love those certain towelettes.
: ''[Bobo whistling]''
: '''Bobo''': What? Never seen a monkey wash his hands before?
: '''Rex''': Not this one.
: ''[Bobo munching]''
: '''Rex''': You wanna tell me what's gotten into you or what?
: '''Bobo''': What are you talking abou-- Unh! Hey!
: '''Rex''': Sorry. For a minute, I thought you were...
: '''Bobo''': Robo Bobo? Wanna check for a tv in my butt?
: '''Rex''': Pass. But come on. You've, I don't know, mellowed or something.
: '''Bobo''': Guess I just don't have a big need to act out these days, what with you and everyone gone. Plus, the employee benefits are pretty sweet.
: '''Black Knight''': Rex, we've got a little EVO problem. Providence could use your help. Ready to get back in the game?
: '''Rex''': If it involves getting out of here, that would be a &quot;yes.&quot; You coming?
: '''Bobo''': I'll join ya on the next one. I got Tai Chi at 2:00.
: '''Rex''': Missing an EVO smackdown? That doesn't sound like you.
: '''Bobo''': Did I mention the instructor has a thing for back hair?
: '''Rex:''' Ew. Okay. That sounds like you. What is it and where do I find it?
: '''Providence Agent''': We've got an EVO in the subway tunnels, people trapped in one of the trains. The power's out down there, too.
: '''Rex:''' Sounds like a street worm. Sure it's just one? Rex to H.Q. Okay, new chief, how do you want to do this?
: '''Black Knight:''' You're the expert.
: '''Rex:''' I am? Uh, I mean, of course I am. It's just that Six usually--
: '''Black Knight:''' You don't need help, Rex. Handle it as you see fit. Black, out.
: '''Rex:''' What's this strange feeling that's come upon me? Could it be...
: ''[Rex shudders]''
: '''Rex''': Responsibility?! Okay. Assemble your guys over there. Be ready for me. Should the guys grab flashlight. Or... better. Not a bad pre-show. Now for the main event.
: '''Providence Agent:''' How did you know?
: '''Rex:''' These things usually travel in pairs. I used lights from my builds to make it think I was another worm. Have your bug net handy. They're so cute after I shut them down.
: '''Rex:''' Sorry B.K. No can cure.
: '''Black Knight:''' Understood. Our team will take it from here.
: '''Rex:''' Um, take what where?
: '''Providence Agent:''' Move into the vehicle! Move... into... the vehicle! Hit her again!
: '''Rex:''' Um, what just happend?
: '''Black Knight:''' That's all for now, Rex. Nicely done.
: '''Rex:''' Hm. Wait. What are you gonna do with it?
: '''Providence Agent:''' Standard rehab and re-lo. It's all very humane.
: '''Rex:''' I'd love to see that. Mind if I tag along?
: '''Black Knight:''' Sorry, Rex. Authorized personnel only. You've done your job. Now let the team theirs.
: '''Rex:''' But--
: '''Black Knight:''' Boundaries, Rex.
: '''Rex:''' Boundaries. Got it. Rex, out.
: '''Caesar:''' Main container reached. Attach stabilizer ring.
: '''Rex:''' Humane? Yeah, right.
: ''[Bobo yawns]''
: '''Bobo:''' See? Great employee benefits.
: '''Rex:''' Yeah. Right. Hey, you got a tag sticking out in the back. Mind if I--
: '''Bobo:''' Thanks, pal. Well, off to yoga.
: '''Caesar:''' You really shouldn't be here, hermano.
: '''Rex:''' The petting zoo? The worm? My monkey practicing good hygiene? You're using that thing to control my friend!
: '''Caesar:''' He's still the same Bobo you know and love. He just need a few boundaries.
: '''Rex:''' He's not the same, and neither are you! You should hear yourself!
: '''Caesar:''' Making the world safer isn't possible without some form of control. And you'd better get some control of yourself, mijo.
: '''Rex:''' Or what? You'll use that thing on me?
: '''Caesar:''' Open your eyes to all the good we're accomplishing. Isn't this better than smacking them with your giant fists?
: '''Rex:''' That's combat! I protect people and property! Okay, property, not so much, but this? If you can't see the difference, then maybe I never knew you at all!
: '''Caesar:''' It doesn't matter. I have work to do.
: '''Rex:''' So do I!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Uses his Smack Hands to smash everything around him]''
: '''Caesar:''' Rex! Stop!
: '''Black Knight:''' Snooping around, Rex? See, that's another one of my boundaries.
: '''Rex:''' White Knight may have had his issues, but he never resorted to anything like this!
: '''Black Knight:''' I never planned to do this, Rex, but you've become a danger.
: '''Rex''' ''[shocked]'': Caesar! Think! You can't do this!
: '''Caesar:''' Of course I'm thinking. This is the logical conclusion to what we started. 
: '''Rex:''' The logical-- Aaaah! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Raaah! Aah!
: ''[Caesar blasts the mind-control laser, causing Rex to scream and groan in pain]''
: '''Caesar:''' Sorry, Rex. You'll thank me later.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' You... better... believe I will!
: '''Caesar:''' Please don't resist! It's only painful if you struggle!
: '''Black Knight:''' What's taking so long?
: '''Caesar:''' He's fighting it! His nantic energy is spiking off the scale!
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: '''Black Knight:''' Boost power.
: '''Caesar:''' It's not safe to--
: '''Black Knight:''' It's for the best. 
: ''[Caesar increases power, causing Rex's nanites to go haywire as a tear fall down his cheek, heartbroken about his own brother betraying him]''
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Manages to overpower the mind-control machine, much to the surprise and wonder of Caesar and Black Knight]''
: '''Rex:''' You just drew a line in the sand, bro! ''[runs off]''
: '''Black Knight:''' You'd better have a backup.
: '''Caesar:''' The prototype. Not portable, but more than enough power, even for him.
: '''Black Knight:''' Get it ready.
: '''Rex:''' Unh!
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: '''Rex:''' No mood to get slimed right now, mel!
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: '''Rex:''' What happened to your EVO control?
: '''Black Knight:''' A demonstration. You know what would happen without our influence.
: '''Rex:''' So, you're hijacking its brain, like you tried to do with mine.
: '''Black Knight:''' That won't be necessary if you'll willingly cooperate.
: '''Rex:''' Translation-- if I do everything you say.
: '''Black Knight:''' You've seen how we can work together. Providence still needs you. There will always be a few EVOs we can't control.
: '''Rex:''' Yeah. I'm one of them.
: '''Black Pawns:''' Shall we pursue?
: '''Black Knight:''' Most definitely.
: '''Rex:''' Gangway! Coming through! Huh? No! Huh. Black Pawns. Overdoing the whole theme, don't you think?
: ''[Rex groaning]''
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Rex:''' Yah! I'm getting beat up by the chess club!
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Black Knight:''' We... got off on the wrong foot. Stow the hardware and come with us. You have my word you won't be harmed. We can start over-- the right way.
: '''Bobo:''' You mind? You're interrupting the enjoyment of my employee benefits.
: ''[Rex sighs]''
: ''[Rex panting]''
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Black Knight:''' ''[after Rex was tranquilized]'' Excellent work. Take him to the lab.
: ''[Rex groans]''
: ''[Rex sighs]''
: '''Rex:''' What? No way! You're not turning my brain to mashed potatoes! Doc?!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Welcome back, Rex.
: '''Six:''' Good to see you, kid.
: '''Rex:''' Before I blame this on a Burrito-induced nightmare, will someone please tell me-- What... Is... Going... On?!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' What do you think? We've been looking for you.
: '''Six:''' We knew Providence might find you first. Fortunately, we planted a mole.
: '''Bobo:''' Ehh. Rex! Put 'er there!
: '''Rex:''' Uhh! You didn't wash! Oh! You didn't wash! But that means... that he really was... Robo Bobo?
: '''Bobo:''' In the flesh.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Literally. I gave it a biological upgrade, complete with his own nanites and... fleas, ticks, lice, chigger mites.
: '''Bobo:''' What can I say? I'm an ecosystem.
: '''Six:''' It's enough to fool your brother's equipment. The robot is only providing limited intel. But one thing is sure-- new Providence is about more than just getting Evos off the streets.
: '''Rex:''' I saw it. Whatever they're doing over there is seriously messed up.
: '''Six:''' That's why we've set up our own operation.
: '''Rex:''' Whoa! Where did you get all of this?
: '''Six:''' We have our sources.
: '''Rex:''' So, we're like super secret spies now? Cool!
:''[Rex sighs]''
: '''Rex:''' It's too bad about White, though. I never thought I'd say it, but I'm gonna miss that pasty guy.
: '''White Knight:''' How touching, Rex. I, on the other hand, would rather enjoyed the last six Rex-free months. Now... if we're done with the love-in, we have work to do.
: '''Rex:''' It really can't get any better than this. Oh, except one thing-- can I get a TV?

===Crash and Burn===
*From this episode, Rex can create two builds at once
:''[Bobo yawns]''
:'''Bobo:''' They say nothin' good happens after midnight. And, you know, they're right.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I'm worried about you, Bobo. Since we left Providence, you've been staying out every night.
:''[Bobo grunts]''
:''[Bobo munching]''
:''[Bobo gulps]''
:'''Bobo:''' That's not the least of your worries. Seen our boy lately?
:''[Dr. Holiday scoffs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex is fine. He just needs time to adjust to our new setting. Rex? It's Holiday. Are you there?
:'''Rex:''' Hey, doc. What up?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Just checking in. Everything okay?
:'''Rex:''' Better than okay. I'm about to set a new land-speed record'
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' That wasn't what I meant. How are you feeling?
:'''Rex:''' Appreciate the concern, but the only thing on my mind right now is the need for speed. Apparently, I'm not alone. I'll call you back. Hey! Slow down! I want to talk to you! Ah. You want to play chicken. Doc? Bobo? I'm getting blitzed by some bikers. Aah!
:'''Rand:''' Might as well give up! I won't quit! I'm a relentless, never-say-die, nonstop-- Uh, hey, wait a minute. Who are you?
:'''Rex:''' Think you could have asked me that before trying to run me down?
:'''Rand:''' Ooh! My fault. I thought you were one of us.
:'''Rex:''' &quot;One of us&quot;? What is this?
:'''Rand:''' Sorry, dude. No time to chat. Peace.
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, like I'm gonna take that for an answer. A street race? Or a demolition derby?
:''[Lance grunts]''
:''[Lance groans]''
:'''Lance:''' Gonna need a bike.
:'''Rex:''' Can't believe you survive that! You must be the luckiest guy on the-- These are nanites.
:''[Lance groans]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Oh, come on!
:'''Six:''' Something wrong?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Prototypes. I prefer tried-and-tested. And I don't even know what we're going to do with half of this stuff.
:'''Bobo:''' You're goin' soft, gettin' worked over by a bunch of goofballs on motorcycles.
:'''Rex:''' They had weapons.
:'''Bobo:''' Last time I checked, so did you.
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, but not while I'm on my bike. I'm strictly one at a time.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' The nanites that have infected his body are slowly poisoning him. I've never seen anything like it.
:'''Rex:''' Do what you can, Doc? I'm gonna go out and look for those racers.
:'''Bobo:''' Sounds dangerous.
:'''Rex:''' Sure, Bobo. You can come, too. The nanites we found on the biker gave off a different energy signature. Gonna use one of Holiday's new toys to try to scan for it. A bunch of them. And they're moving fast.
:'''Bobo:''' Then step on it! Maybe Holiday has a point about prototypes!
:'''Rex:''' Or maybe they're not on the streets. I'll watch the road. You watch the screen.
:'''Bobo:''' Gotta warn you-- Chimps make bad navigators!
:'''Rex:''' Just do it!
:'''Bobo:''' Hmm? Left! You're goin' left! Make a right! Another right!
:'''Rex:''' Which way?
:'''Bobo:''' I don't know! That way-ish! Wah! Like I said-- Monkeys make great navigators! This is your biker gang?
:'''Rex:''' They had weapons before I'm telling you-- They're tough!
:'''Bobo:''' If you say so.
:''[Bobo grunts]''
:'''Bobo:''' Wall.
:''[Bobo and Rex grunts]''
:'''Moss:''' That's some fancy ridin'. You following us, kid?
:'''Rex:''' Still think they don't look tough?
:'''Bobo:''' I take it back.
:'''Moss:''' Who are you, kid? 'Cause whoever you are, you're not bad.
:'''Rand:''' You're awesome! Where'd you learn to ride like that? Anybody with that kind of skill should be with us. Yeah!
:'''Moss:''' What's your secret?
:'''Rex:''' No secret. I'm just built that way.
:'''Lunk:''' Is that guy from TV-- The one who fights EVOs.
:'''Bobo:''' Five bucks for pictures, ten bucks for autographs.
:'''Rand:''' A talking monkey! Outrageous! I gotta have one. Is he for sale?
:'''Bobo:''' Brother, you can't afford me.
:'''Rex:''' You guys seem tight-- For guys who try to kill each other.
:'''Rand:''' We're not killers. We're racers. This is a legitimate sport.
:'''Moss:''' It is what it is. Our races aren't for the weak. Name's Moss. You've met Rand.
:'''Rex:''' He tried to blow me up.
:'''Rand:''' I missed. You're welcome. Come on, don't leave me hangin'.
:'''Moss:''' Never met a celebrity who could ride.
:'''Rex:''' I caught you, didn't I?
:'''Moss:''' But are you tough enough try me?
:'''Rex:''' Try me.
:'''Bobo:''' You gotta fight back?
:'''Rex:''' With what?
:'''Bobo:''' Oh, brother. Fine, leave it to Chimpy. Aah! I'll take that. Phbt!
:'''Rex:''' Something else on the map-- Moving fast! And it's big!
:'''Providence Agent:''' Halt! You kids! Pull over! Now!
:'''Moss:''' Cops!
:'''Bobo:''' Worst than cops-- Providence.
:'''Rex:''' The bikes give off a nanite signature. They must have tracked it.
:'''Providence Agent:''' Rex, what are you doing here?
:'''Rex:''' Research. You don't want to get caught up in this! Back off now! Sorry, guys. Have Black Knight sent me the bill.
:'''Rand:''' Ha! No way! You want to beat me, you gotta step your game up. Aah!
:''[Rand groans]''
:'''Rex:''' Rand!
:'''Bobo:''' Don't stop! Kid's wearing armor. He's fine.
:'''Rex:''' No! Something's wrong!
:''[Rand groans]''
:'''Rex:''' What is this thing? Doc? Get over here quick. We've got another one.
:'''Biker gangs:''' WHOO-HOO-HOO!
:''[Biker gangs laughs]''
:'''Biker gangs:''' Yeah!
:'''Moss:''' We thought you'd bailed on us. Where were you?
:'''Rex:''' Watching a doctor try to save Rand's life.
:'''Moss:''' Racers get sick sometimes. It's part of the life.
:'''Rex:''' Those nanite power sources-- you got to stop using them. To feel one with the road, that rush? So some people get sick. When we're on our rides, nothing else matters.
:'''Rex:''' Your rides are killing you! You're gonna be dead-- All of you! And for what? So you can go a little faster?
:'''Moss:''' We need those things to ride. You know what it's like.
:'''Lunk:''' Please. Don't take our bikes away.
:'''Rex:''' Nobody's going to take your bikes. But I need to know where you got those nanites.
:'''Lunk:''' ''[sighs]'' A guy named Valve. He supplies the superchargers.
:'''Moss:''' You're wasting your time. Valve never talks to anybody.
:'''Rex:''' He'll talk to me.
:'''Bobo:''' Been in a lot of bad biker dives, but this is the worst I've ever seen.
:'''Valve:''' Enter, strangers. The biker will see you now. Please, sit. May I offer you some tea?
:'''Rex:''' I'll pass.
:'''Valve:''' Suit yourself. I find a good cup of tea soothing-- for the body and the soul.
:''[Valve slurps]''
:'''Valve:''' You don't have to tell the biker why you're here. The biker can tell. You wish to buy a supercharger.
:''[Valve slurps]''
:'''Rex:''' Your superchargers are killing people. It's gonna stop.
:''[Valve breathes deeply]''
:'''Valve:''' Hmm. That sounds like a challenge.
:'''Rex:''' Maybe it is. I'll race you for them. If I win, you hand over your entire stockpile.
:'''Valve:''' Shh! Your answer is on the wind.
:'''Rex:''' You're... not right in the head, are you?
:'''Valve:''' When the wind commands, the impossible game must be gamed. The challenge is accepted. We will race for the superchargers. And when the biker wins... It won't matter.
:'''Rex:''' Why is that?
:'''Valve:''' Because you'll be dead. Let the race begin.
:'''Moss:''' This is his own private track. He knows it better than anyone. You can still back out-- Probably.
:'''Rex:''' And let people become poison, like Valve? No. I can take him. Just give me something to hit him with. You guys are walking arsenals. You don't have anything?
:'''Moss:''' You didn't think we'd need 'em today.
:'''Bobo:''' Oh, boy.
:'''Six:''' Message from Holiday. The two sick teens have stabilized, but she's still a ways from finding a cure.
:'''Rex:''' It was the only weapon I could find, okay? Can I borrow the sword?
:'''Six:''' Use your own.
:'''Rex:''' On wheels? It's not gonna happen.
:'''Six:''' What's stopping you?
:'''Rex:''' Well, for one thing, I-- Um, not sure exactly.
:'''Six:''' What have I been teaching you? Focus on what you want and make it happen. No more excuses.
:''[Bobo munching]''
:''[Bobo munching]''
:'''Valve:''' You're lucky. One the very best get a chance at this track.
:'''Rex:''' Then I should fit right in. Rules of the game-- ten laps. Cross the finish line before the biker, and you may have them.
:'''Rex:''' So, is the wind talking to you now?
:'''Valve:''' The wind commands the Biker to destroy you. The Biker is happy to oblige.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Bobo:''' You gonna help him?
:'''Six:''' He's doing fine.
:'''Bobo:''' Are you watchin' the same race I am?
:''[Valve grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' You're in trouble, Rex! No. Keep it together. Keep... it... together. Six said it-- Focus. Focus. Focus!
:''[Valve laughs]''
:'''Valve:''' Oblivion.
:'''Six:''' Like I sad-- He's doing fine.
:'''Rex:''' Double-up! Where have you been all my life?
:''[Valve grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Cute toy. But I like mine better.
:'''Valve:''' Aah!
:'''Rex:''' Was there any doubt?
:'''Bobo:''' Yeah, plenty.
:''[Valve panting]''
:'''Rex:''' We had the deal. Remember?
:'''Valve:''' Like the storm that changes directions on a whim, the biker is changing the deal. 'Cause the biker-- ''[grunts]'' Doesn't like! ''[grunts]'' The biker-- ''[grunts]'' never loses! ''[grunts]'' Unh!
:'''Rex:''' First time for everything. Thank you, Six.
:'''Six:''' It was all you, kid.
:'''Moss:''' Rand!
:'''Biker gangs:''' Oh, Rand! Good to see you!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Completely detoxified. In a couple days, they'll be back to full strength. Those could be useful at the new base.
:'''Moss:''' You can't stop us from riding.
:'''Rex:''' What's stopping you? You can still ride. You just won't be poisoned by nanites. Come on. Race you back to the garage.
:''[Rex rides off]''
:'''Moss:''' ''[Chasing after Rex]'' You heard the man. Hit it!
:'''Six:''' You do realize we just turned a group of reckless teenage boys loose on the city.
:'''Bobo:''' All in a day's work.

===Heroes United, Part 1===
:'''Caesar:''' Now where are you? So it ''is'' you. This is most disturbing.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Ben:''' You know the friend you care about!? Well, I have a cousin, a grandfather, a best friend that I care about!! They don't exist here! I may never see them again! I'm totally alone! So go ahead! Do your worst.
: '''Rex:''' Maybe we can help each other.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' I'm curious how big brother knows about something from a parallel dimension.
: '''Caesar:''' Because I sent it there. In the early days of the Nanite Project, our goal was simple. Construct microscopic machines to cure diseases, grow new cells, regenerate bones. They was a control issue. Some thought a human-machine link was the answer. Others proposed that the machines control themselves. I was in latter cam. I developed the Alpha to control other nanites. To maximize its effectiveness, I had to program Alpha to think for itself. 
:'''Ben:''' Does a low explanation mean something bad on your Earth too?
:'''Rex:''' Yep.
:'''Caesar:''' Alpha developed its own consciousness. It evolved into a unique life-form. It wanted a body, but whatever it built burned out. So when Alpha attempted possessing living this, Alpha had to be eliminated. So I built a dimensional disruptor.
:'''Ben:''' Looks like a Null Void gun. We got some like those back home, too.

===Heroes United, Part 2===
:'''Alpha:''' The nanites in those creatures. They are different, powerful. Your nanites are weak. I have no use for you. Where is the boy?
:'''Holiday:''' His nanites are off limits!!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex:''' My brother!? Look around! He's not here!
:'''Alpha:''' The father is redundant. Now that I found you.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Alpha:''' I cannot merge! What makes you so special, human? Yes. You shelter an Omega.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''White Knight:''' Don't let it get to Rex! If it drains his nanites-!
:'''Diamondhead:''' Game over. I get it.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex''': My most powerful builds came from the Omega nanite. A lot of people are going to get hurt and I can't stop it. What happens when the best you can do just isn't enough?
:'''Ben''': You get an Upgrade.
:'''Rex:''' Weren't you listening? Alpha has the Omega.
:'''Ben:''' I'm not talking about a nanite.
:(''Transforms into Upgrade'')
:'''Rex''':  Hey, what are you- ''[Upgrade merges with Rex]'' Whoa, okay, that feels weird. ''[Upgrade covers Rex's body like a suit]'' Wow, what supposed to happen now? ''[Upgrade's head appears on Rex's left shoulder]'' Uh...don't do that, you freaking me out!
:'''Upgrade''': Build something!
:'''Rex''': ''[Builds a Smack Arm, which is modified by Upgrade]'' Sweet, so what's the plan?
:'''Upgrade''': You build stuff, I make it better. Fight fight fight, we win!
:'''Rex''':  Works for me! ''[Rex builds a Boogie Pack and blasts off]''
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Alpha''': Organics who rely on machines for their power, I don't need. The machines themselves, now those I will have.
===Phantom of the Soap Opera===
:'''Rex Salazar:''' In a world he never chose and barely understands... ''[Rex looks over the countryside from a cliff, jumps and lands in a snow scene]'' One incredibly good looking guy fights for us all. His name...you know it baby...Rex. ''[jumps into a lake scene]'' Forget train wrecks... ''[punches]'' And car wrecks... ''[kicks]'' Nothing brings the pain like this Rex. ''[runs into city scene. EVO walks down street, Rex runs up, jumps, grabs EVO's head and tears it off. Holds it over his head in victory gesture.]''
:'''Actor in costume:''' Yeah, yeah, that's hilarious kid.
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Ah, anytime you want to stop trying to get me fired get back to the tour.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Sorry. Got caught up in the moment.
:'''Actor in costume:''' Ah, dude?
:''[Rex puts head back on the man in EVO costume.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' And on your left, the sound stage where they make the hit TV show Middle School Talent show.
:''[Teen girls on tour squeal and run towards it.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' That's a closed set. ''[Noah pulls on his hair]'' C'mon, this is my first week as a page, I could lose my job!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' I got this. ''[pulls girls back from stage with turbines]'' I just don't get girls, how come they get so... ''[notices something behind Noah, acts all excited]'' Huh hu oh huh... oh El Amor de la Pasion del Amor! Why didn't you tell me EADLPDA was made here?
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Um, probably because I didn't really believe you actually still watch a soap opera.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' It's a telenovela. The actresses are smoking hot. And I don't have cable?...ah c'mon dude don't be a hater. ''[crosses arms]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Whatever. We're not going in there, they get like ten safety violations a week, no one's allowed in accept crew and studio staff.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' You mean like pages? ''[Brushes Noah's shoulder with his hand, smiling. Noah brushes his hand away.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' No way. My boss is a total butt-buster for the rules and she is always watching. ''[makes binocular with his hands]''
:'''Head Page:''' You got that right bub. ''[Rex looks behind him, and jumps away]'' By the way Page, you lose something? ''[has three girls from Noah's tour group tied up in a rope]'' Found these wandering over by Middle School Talent Show. ''[Noah runs over and unties them, rope falls]''
:'''Head Page:''' ''[points to her left eye]'' I got my one good eye on you, Nixon.
:''[On set of telenovela]''
:''[Isabella crying]''
:'''Reymundo:''' Pensabas que yo era tu marido. ¡Pero fue una mentira! Pero la verdad es que soy Reymundo, el hermano diabólico de Reynaldo.
:'''Isabella:''' Yo sé, pero todavía te amo.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' ''[standing by salad bar in cafeteria looking up at TV screen]'' How can anyone say that's not great!
:''[Man in cowboy hat tips his hat to Noah]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Whoa? Celebrities know you?
:''[There are drinks on their trays at this point, then in the next frame there are no drinks on their trays and they go over to get drinks.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' The only one here who knows my name is my boss. I'm just a newb on an internship.
:''[Blond girl puts her hand on Noah's shoulder and reaches across him to get a soda, walks away, looks back and gives him a finger gun.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Yeah right, you just got a finger gun from TV weather lady Summer Sonnenshine.
:'''Noah Nixon:''' It's the page jacket not me, if you put this thing on everyone would think you work here. Still. I gotta admit it's pretty cool.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Y'know, I didn't even know you'd applied for this. But I guess when you jump ahead in time you gotta expect some surprises...OH MY GOSH... ''[drops tray]'' It's Isabella, from El Amor del Pasion del Amor.
:''[Rex throws up his arms, knocks tray into Noah's chest spilling it all over his jacket]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' AHHH!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' I know she's even hotter in real life than she is on the...
:'''Noah Nixon:''' ''[looks down at tray and jacket]'' Ohhhhh...
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Okay, okay don't worry...
:'''Head Page:''' ''[yelling at another page behind Rex]'' You call yourself a page!
:'''Rex:''' Okay worry. ''[puts his fingers together]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' This is a huge violation of the dress code, oh I am so fired!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' No you're not. Come on, move!
:''[They run to a supply closet.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' I've gotta lead another tour in 45 minutes. We can't get to a dry cleaners and back in 45 minutes.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' This is my bad, but I can fix this. ''[Noah panicking, rocking and hyperventilating]'' We just have to calm down and think. Just calm down. ''[Rex points at Noah]'' Noah, calm down!
:''[Rex grabs a bottle of pickles off the shelf, opens the lid and throw contents of jar at Noah's head. A pickle ends up in Noah's mouth, he spits it out.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Not helping. ''[Noah, calm now and not hyperventilating and rocking, wipes pickle juice out of his eyes.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Okay, listen we passed the wardrobe department on the tour, they've gotta have a washer and dryer right?
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Uh... yeah, I guess?
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Alright, good, give me your outfit and stay put, I'll take care of everything else.
:''[Scene change. Sign which says laundry stages commissary.]''
:''[Rex runs towards laundry, passes stage of telenovela. Grins and stops. Looks into open door. Looks down at soiled jacket. Up at stage doorway. Walks away. Runs back and grins bigger. Walks into stage with Noah's jacket on.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Uh...
:'''Isabella:''' Finally! You are here!
:''[Isabella kisses Rex all over his face.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' This is happening, right? I'm not going to wake up and be making out with my pillow again am I?
:'''Isabella:''' Come with me, they want to cancel us you know. That's why the studio puts us here in this place falling apart with all the accidentes.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Soap operas do not get the respect they deserve.
:'''Isabella:''' You are very wise for your age. We don't even go backstage anymore. Too dangerous.
:''[A silhouette of a rat is seen, it squeaks]''
:'''Beatriz:''' Is that our page?
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Uh...
:''[Rex falls]''
:'''Isabella:''' He's mine, I saw him first!
:''[Rex gets up and Isabella grabs him.]''
:'''Isabella:''' He is mine!!!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Hum?
:'''Beatriz:''' Why don't we let him decide?
:'''[Rex is being pulled back and forth]''
:'''Isabella:''' You would like that wouldn't you?
:'''Beatriz:''' Yes I would! Very much.
:'''Isabella:''' Fine.
:''[Girls growl at each other and walk away.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' ''[grinning]'' Did they just cat-fight over me?
:''[The girls come back with lists.]''
:'''Isabella:''' Here is a list of what I need you to do!
:'''Beatriz:''' And here's mine!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' You want me to work on the show?
:'''Beatriz:''' Claro que si, we haven't had a page on set in ages.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' But I'm not ... ''[looks over the girls]'' ...able to think of one reason why I would pass this up.
:''[Screen cuts to Noah looking out the door. He sees the chief page and closes the door quickly, after that, the scene changes back to Rex carrying boxes of water with yogurt on top.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' I got your yogurt, but I couldn't find the water you wanted. So I got these.
:'''Isabella:''' You are dead to me! But I will take this one. ''[takes yogurt]''
:''[Rex stares in shock and drops the boxes full of water.]''
:''[Old man walks in a dressing room, and Reynaldo comes out soon later.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Whoa, it's Reynaldo! Uh, coffee? ''[offers him a mug of coffee]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' Gracias.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Leche?
:'''Reynaldo:''' How dare you! I am lactose intolerant.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Uh, okay, didn't know that. Sugar?
:''[Reynaldo knocks the sugar out of his hand.]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' Real men take their coffee strong and hot. Are you suggesting that I am not a real man?
:''[Rex looks around and the phone rings.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Rex, where are you?
:'''Reynaldo:''' No phone! ''[Reynaldo knocks the phone out of his hand.]'' You will talk to me face to face. Mano a mano! ''[grabs Rex's jacket]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Hey wait what are you... ''[Reynaldo pulls Rex away from table. Stage light falls where Rex was standing]'' ...Oh, thanks!
:''[Everyone runs up to them.]''
:'''Beatriz:''' Not another accidente!
:'''Isabella:''' ''[scared]'' Ay. Dios mio! No!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' It's okay, I'm fine.
:'''Isabella:''' ''[pushes Rex down]'' My jogurt!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' I'd hate to be the guy that has to clean that up... ''[whispers to man though they look at him]'' Oh. ''[Reynaldo hands him the mop.]''
:'''Beatriz:''' If I didn't know better, I'd say that someone was trying to kill us.
:'''Reynaldo:''' Someone is. The head of the studio is trying to kill our soap opera. That's why he put us in this accursed stage, with all these accidentes. But we... ''[another stage light falls and hits his head, he falls to the ground]'' Aahh... Por que? Ay.
:''[Rex looks up and sees a mongoose...runs after it...goes backstage. Sees clowns and a sign saying “Mongo”.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Ugh! Clowns.
:''[The mongoose squeaks.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Lemme guess. You're the one who's been causing all the accidents.
:''[Mongo growls, bears teeth]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Okay, let's say we can wrap this up quietly. Last thing I need is someone wondering why the guy in the page jacket can do this. ''[wraps Mongo up in the whip thing, Mongo gets tiny, escapes, growls]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Guess that explains how you've been able to hide out back here. ''[Mongo pulls lever cannon comes out of floor and fires at Rex. Platform falls Rex dodges. Mongo squeaks]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Can we please do this a little more quietly and with a lot less YOU trying to kill me?
:''[Mongo jumps into the “O” of his name on the sign.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Wait, that's you, isn't it? You just want your job back. I can help you. ''[reaches in and tries to cure him Mongo runs out and traps Rex's hand]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Enough with the booby traps, I'm trying to help you. ''[Mongo sets off another trap]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Uh-oh. [makes big fist, weight on rope swings and hits Rex, makes noise]
:'''Beatriz:''' What's going on back there?
:'''Isabella:''' Where is that page? I am beginning to wonder ...HOW LONG IS IT GOING TO TAKE FOR HIM TO CLEAN UP MY JOGURT!!!!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' ''[Getting thrown around back stage]'' Ouch. ''[gets beat up by mechanical clowns]''
:''[Mongo cuts stars from ceiling they fall and cut Rex's jacket]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Ok, New plan-- First I smash your face, then I cure you.
:''[Mongo knocks over equipment]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' No. ''[grabs equipment, Mongo jumps on his arm, punches him and he falls]'' Oww! Look out!
:''[Actors run from set, Rex falls and smashes set]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Uhh, okay here's the deal—all the accidents you've been having they were caused by an EVO backstage. It used to be a mongoose and now it wants it's old job back. ''[last wall of stage set falls behind him]''
:'''Beatriz:''' What are jou talking about?
:'''Isabella:''' We just saw you ruin our set.
:'''Reynaldo:''' You are trying to destroy this soap opera just like the rest of them! It is true what they say, this sound stage must be cursed for us to have such a horrible page such as you, Senior... ''[looks at name badge]'' Noah Nixon.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Whoa, wait. This isn't Noah's fault.
:''[Three actors gasps]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' ''[tears off his own shirt]'' Now you insult us by talking about yourself in the third person! Somehow we must rebuild and finish our shoot! But as soon as we do, Noah Nixon, I will have you fired!
:''[Workers fixing set, Rex's phone rings.]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Rex! Finally. How's the jacket?
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Umm. Well, the good news is you won't notice the stain anymore. Hey uh, by the way, your page training, did it include anything about the creepy backstage in studio B?
:'''Noah Nixon: What? Why are you--
:'''Rex Salazar:''' No reason. I was just thinking, hypothetically, what would happen if I used your jacket to take a quick peek at the telenovela and ended up chasing some killer EVO mongoose? Hypothetically... Uh...Noah?
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Sorry, just trying to figure out how to tell my parents I have no future.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Hey I got this. I hit a little snag. Just keep your pants on.
:'''Noah Nixon:''' ''[sitting the maintenance closet in his underwear]'' Heh!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Sorry, look, you don't have anything to worry about all I have to do is catch the EVO before they finish shooting and clear my... your name.
:'''Noah Nixon:''' You know what? I'm not worried. I am completely resigned to the fact that I am losing my job. ''[Noah hangs up on Rex. Rex hears dial tone.]''
:'''Beatriz:''' ''[to Reynaldo]'' You are bleeding!
:'''Reynaldo:''' What I am is an actor! We must shoot this scene. We cannot let them cancel us! ''[moans and falls on his face crushing a chair]''
:'''Beatriz:''' You cannot go on.
:'''Isabella:''' If only there were someone else here who knows our show, is fluent in Spanish, and will do a scene in which he kisses me.
:'''Rex Salazar:''' I'll do it!!!
:'''Reynaldo:''' You? The one who ruined our set and lied about the EVO? I'd rather die! But then, my life will surely end if the show is canceled, so maybe... But no! It's impossible. But yet, what is more impossible than a dream. Nothing means more than my dream of saving this telenovela!
:'''Rex Salazar:''' So, is that a--
:'''Reynaldo:''' Si. You will be our savior. And then I will have you fired. Accion!
:''[Rex is dressed as Reynaldo. Takes Isabella in his arms and looks deep into her eyes, smiles..then turns away, sees Mongo and gasps. Isabella pulls his face back to her and puckers for a kiss. Mongo squeaks and runs out the door and Rex turns his eyes towards it.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' ''[thinking]'' Okay no kiss, but you're gonna save Noah's job! ''[groans]'' Nope. Doesn't make it any better. ''[Runs out Isabelle runs after him, trips on his wig and falls to the ground gasping, reaching after him]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' ''[makes Rex Ride to chase Mongo down alley. Runs into a set. Falls]'' Where'd you go?
:'''Guy in suit:''' You! Page! Take this script to post, pronto.
:'''Rex Salazar: Hey wait, I'm not--
:'''Guy in suit:''' Oh? You're not going to do it? Are you talking back to me Mr.... Nixon?
:'''Rex Salazar:''' No. Mr. Nixon is not definitely not talking back to whoever you are. ''[takes script, leaves]''
:'''Guy in suit:''' Nixon! ''[Points in the other direction of where Rex was going. Rex goes where he's pointing]''
:''[Rex walks by alley hears Mongo munching garbage, sneaks up, tries to cure it. It escapes, Rex corners it in dead end alley]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Oh you're not so tough when you can't hide, are you? ''[Mongo growls and grows huge]'' Oh so you can do that too. ''[Mongo roars, swipes at Rex with claws]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Hey, watch the jacket. I'm in enough trouble already. ''[Sets down scripts. Big fists. Mongo shrinks to escape. Rex falls to the ground. Mongo gets huge again behind him, tries to stomp on Rex, Rex rolls out of the way, Mongo shrinks and runs away, Rex climbs out of hole in ground breathing heavily and falls to ground.]''
:'''Guy in suit:''' ''[walks up]'' Are you kidding me? You still haven't delivered that script? ''[Rex runs off]''
:'''Guy in suit:''' Nixon! ''[points in other direction, Rex runs that way]''
:''[Mongo jumps off roof grows huge lands on Rex, grabs script.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Hey, gimme that! ''[grabs Mongo with big fist throws him into a stage building]''
:''[Rex looks in the hole into the stage.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Sorry. ''[runs off after Mongo]''
:''[Mongo throws him higher than the roof tops, Rex lands on big feet, Mongo tackles him. Rex lands in front of the post building, grabs remains of script out of Mongo's mouth. Mongo runs away, Rex gathers script remains and hands it to man at post door.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' I think this is for you. ''[runs after Mongo]''
:''[Phone rings]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Did you catch it?
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Not yet, but I delivered a script for you, well, most of it.
:'''Noah Nixon:''' I am so dead.
:'''Lady with clipboard:''' ''[grabs Rex by the collar]'' Noah Nixon, you're right on time for your two p.m. tour. ''[Gives Rex clipboard and keys]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' ''[Driving tram with tourists]'' Uh, there's a building where some TV shows are made and there's another one and oh great there's the giant killer EVO.
:''[Mongo chasing tram, Rex steps on gas. Tram goes sloooow. Mongo attacks tram. Rex lands, catches tourists with big hands, flies off on hoverboard]''
:'''Tourist:''' They had better special effects at my kids' school play.
:''[Back on soap opera stage]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' I need a bigger reaction from you. Bigger!
:''[Rex crashes through ceiling with Mongo hanging on the bottom of his hoverboard, heading towards Isabella.]''
:''[Isabella screams and covers head, Mongo crashes into set]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' Yes! That's it exactly!
:''[Mongo growls]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' Be careful or you're gonna get the hand. ''[big fists with right hand. Mongo jumps at him, Rex grins and raises his left hand and cures Mongo. Mongo lays on ground cute and unconscious.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' That's not the hand I meant.
:''[Actors, stunned, applaud]''
:''[Rex picks up Mongo.]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' You are a good page, Noah Nixon.
:''[Mongo wakes up runs around on Rex and perches on his shoulder cutely.]''
:''[At supply closet with Noah, Rex walks in holding torn up jacket]''
:'''Noah Nixon:''' Oh, my jacket! ''[Cuddles jacket, then holds it up and glares at Rex through the hole in it. Rex grins guiltily.]''
:''[Head Page walks in, Noah hides jacket, then realizes he is in underwear and tries to hide himself behind jacket.]''
:'''Head Page:''' I got a dozen calls from all over the lot about you, Nixon. I don't know what you were thinking. ''[He sits down, sweat runs down his face, he closes his eyes, frowns, runs head away. Head page grabs him and hugs him.]''
:'''Head Page:''' I'm proud of you, kiddo! It took me sixty seven years to make chief page. I bet you'll get the job in half that time. ''[Noah stands up holding jacket in front of him. Rex and Noah look puzzled Head Page walks to door, turns back]''
:'''Head Page:''' Oh and them soap opera fellas, eh, they got a special reward for you. ''[they look at each other with puzzled frowns]''
:''[Telenovela stage, Noah dressed as Reynaldo. Isabella kisses him.]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' And cut! You look differante than you did before, Noah Nixon. ''[Noah looks up at his blond eyebrows and takes off the wig and mustache. Smiles at Reynaldo. Reynaldo looks at him thoughtfully.]''
:'''Reynaldo:''' I can see you've been to makeup. Good you finally look like a real man! ''[Noah smiles.]''
:'''Rex Salazar:''' [peeking in from backstage, makes a jealous face as Noah is laughing together with the actors.] It's OK, it's OK. You're a good friend, you're a good friend.
:'''Guy in suit:''' You! Quit talking to yourself and get me some coffee! ''[Rex runs off]'' Nixon!
:''[Mongo looking down from rafters]''

===Riddle of the Sphinx===
:'''Egyptian Guide:''' They uncovered the tunnel during routine sewer work. No one has set foot in here in over 3.500 years.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Providence doesn't work the location yet?
:'''Egyptian Guide:''' ''[laughs]'' The antiquities comission does not like this Black Knight. They keep her busy with much paperwork.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' The maze looks like it extends for miles. They do that to keep looters out?
:'''Egyptian Guide:''' Or to keep something in.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Anything that was trapped in here couldn't be alive after all this time.
:'''Egyptian Guide:''' I-I-I must go.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''': Watch out! Bobby traps.
:'''Egyptian Guide:''' That's not what I'm afraid of.
:'''Bobo:''' It's only been a few days since we heard from Holiday.
:'''Six:''' Something's wrong.
:'''Bobo:''' Maybe she wanted a vacation from you clowns. &quot;Something's wrong.&quot;
:''[Bobo grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Providence! She in is trouble.
:'''Six:''' Black Knight. And she has your better half.
:'''Bobo:''' I'm predictin' an awkward situation.
:'''Black Knight:''' Hello, Rex. If you came for your friend, I'll have to disappoint you.
:'''Rex:''' That hairy creep? You can keep the traitor. Hey! My faithful guide, why don't you go away while we discuss business?
:'''Bobo:''' It's me, you dopey tin can! Beat it! Or the boss lady's gonna get wise to our little switcheroo.
:'''Rex:''' What's the campout for?
:'''Black Knight:''' Routine scientific research.
:'''Rex:''' Look, I know Holiday was here. What'd you do with her?
:'''Black Knight:''' We arrived an hour ago. The locals say Holiday unleashed a monster down in the tunnels. The situation's under control. As soon as we've secured the tunnels, I'll send a team in to see if she's still alive.
:'''Rex:''' I'm going with you.
:'''Black Knight:''' You're going nowhere. You quit Providence. Unless you're recosindering?
:'''Rex:''' Come on, guide. Holiday's in those tunnels. But Black Knight has a whole battalion of Providence goons guarding the entrance.
:'''Six:''' I figured she'd be no help. That's why I found someone who knows a back way in.
:'''Egyptian Cooker:''' The Kushari is healthy. For the stomach, good.
:'''Rex:''' Enough about the Kushari! Where's the back entrance?
:'''Egyptian Cooker:''' For so young, you in such a hurry. And old cook like me, I live by selling Kushari. Why not buy some? You buy, I give you more information.
:'''Bobo:''' Ah, come on. Stop bein' so stingy. Buy some more.
:'''Six:''' Where's the back entrance?
:'''Egyptian Cooker:''' The sewer man-- They came to fix a leak. They found the tunnel to the entrance in my basement.
:'''Bobo:''' Mmm!
:'''Rex:''' Way cool! Maybe we'll see some mummies!
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex:''' Tell us where Holiday is!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Where do you think I am?
:'''Six:''' Holiday!
:'''Bobo:''' So, what's with the halloween get up, doc?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I found it in one of the chambers. Scares off the curious. I need to get to the bottom of all this before Black Knight.
:'''Rex:''' The bottom of what? This is all ancient history?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' You can this ancient history?
:'''Rex:''' That looks like a nanite!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' That's because it is a nanite.
:'''Six:''' How could they have knowledge back then?
:'''Rex:''' Aliens! Like the ones that built the pyramids.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' None of this is more advanced that the 21st century. It's not aliens. I think the answers lie behind this door. But I can't figure out how to open it.
:'''Rex:''' Open the door? No problem, Doc!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Stop! This whole place is booby-trapped. We open this wrong, they'll bring the tunnels down on us.
:'''Rex:''' If there's a wrong way to open it, then that means there's a right way, too. Maybe the nanite picture is a clue. The whole thing is rigged like one. Told you-- No prob. Whoa, mumies.
:'''Bobo:''' What are you lookin' at, beautiful?
:'''Rex:''' Ha! Awesome! I'd love to see the look on Knight's face when she finds out we've beat her here.
:'''Black Knight:''' Then let me step a little closer so you can see.
:'''Six:''' How'd you find us?
:'''Black Knight:''' Your mole helped me.
:'''Bobo:''' Sorry, pal.
:'''Black Knight:''' I should have known better. It's old junk from the dead.
:''[Black Knight gasps]''
:'''Guranset:''' Gharun Set is not dead.
:'''Rex:''' Put her down!
:'''Black Knight:''' This isn't the time for violence. Our host has forgotten his manners. I presume he hasn't had guests in a long time.
:'''Guranset:''' Almost an eternity. Gharun Set said has waited for his release. Awaken this cursed prison through the ages.
:'''Black Knight:''' You speak English. That is interesting. Who taught your own language, Gharun Set?
:'''Guranset:''' I was taught by the great father.
:'''Black Knight:''' Father? What did he look me?
:'''Guranset:''' He is dead-- As all of you soon shall be!
:'''Black Knight:''' Now's the time for violence.
:'''Guranset:''' Aah!
:'''Black Knight:''' A nanite disrupter. Something I had your brother's lab whip up. It's quite lethal.
:'''Rex:''' Looks like the lab forgot to tell him that.
:'''Guranset:''' The boy controls the engines of life? It can't be. I laid low the armies of six kingdoms, swordsman. You think your tiny blades can stop me?
:'''Rex:''' Try this one for size!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex!
:'''Rex:''' Huh?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' His staff is a nanite disrupter. Get it away from him.
:'''Rex:''' Easier said than done!
:'''Guranset:''' Haah!
:'''Rex:''' Oh, mummies!
:'''Bobo:''' Yeah, yeah, you got your mummies. I hope you're happy!
:'''Six:''' Rex! We can handle this! He's getting away!
:'''Guranset:''' One last trap to keep me imprisoned, father. Nothing will keep me from my destiny! You serve his plan, child, and don't even know it.
:'''Rex:''' Everybody talk weird in ancient Egypt, or it is just your special thing? Uh... are they supposed to do that?
:''[Rex sighs]''
:'''Guranset:''' Finally! I am free!
:'''Six:''' These EVO's won't say dead.
:'''Bobo:''' Their breath stinks, too! Ah, boy!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' You could thank me for saving your life.
:'''Black Knight:''' Dr. Holiday, our lives are not safe yet.
:'''Guranset:''' I am not alone. Together, we shall reconquer this land, and then.. the world!
:'''Rex:''' Uh, I think the sun's baked him loopy. You can't reanimate that. It's a statue.
:'''Guranset:''' This is not statue, child. It is a tomb. Arise, my mighty steed. Arise, my sphinx!
:'''Rex:''' Providence, this is Rex. You may want to evacuate Cairo.
:'''Guranset:''' This city is a blight upon my kingdom. All shall be as it once was.
:'''Rex:''' I'm warning you, Gharun Set-- I don't want to have to get rough with you. Step off the pussycat.
:'''Guranset:''' You presume to tell a pharaoph what to do. Be gone!
:'''Six:''' Holiday. There's something I want to tell you before it's too late.
:'''Bobo:''' Ugh. Hold still! Oh, no.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' All of them. Like the nanites keeping them alive... self-destructed? I'm sorry. What were you going to say?
:'''Six:''' Holiday... I, uh...
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Hold that thought.
:'''Bobo:''' What's it gonna be, the kooky chicks or we go help Rex save the world?
:'''Six:''' Rex probably has this under control. Holiday needs my-- our help.
:'''Bobo:''' Yeah, I can't resist a good catfight either.
:'''Rex:''' Let me handle! This it's too dangerous!
:'''Pilot:''' Black Knight, target sighted. It's riding a 50-foot-tall house cat. Please advise.
:'''Black Knight:''' Do not harm. Contain and capture. We need that specimen.
:''[Black Knight gasps]''
:'''Black Knight:''' Pilot disregard. Last order. Target no longer needed. Destroy. Repeat-- Destroy.
:'''Pilot:''' You're with the lady. Lock and load.
:'''Rex:''' Huh? Whoa! Get out of here! I don't know what he's up to, but it's not good.
:'''Garunset:''' Behold the majesty of my dream. My kingdom! My paradise!
:'''Rex:''' Whoa!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' What is this place?
:'''Black Knight:''' It's the stuff of legends. The fabled hall of records which lay hidden beneath where the sphinx once was.
:'''Bobo:''' &quot;Was&quot;?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' This can't be! That's the helix splitter. And that looks like a nano-flux inducer. Caesar built the first prototype of one last year.
:'''Black Knight:''' I can't let you touch any of this. It's too unstable with age. When you blundered in the tomb, you set off a safeguard. Someone thought this room too dangerous for the world to know about.
:'''Bobo:''' Agreed. Let's scram!
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' We can't! Don't you know what this means to science? The knowledge in here is invaluable. It cannot be lost-- Again!
:'''Black Knight:''' It won't be! Now that we know where it is, we can dig it out later. We will study it. I promise you that.
:'''Six''': Holiday. Let it go.
:'''Guranset''': As father promised-- I will rule forever.
:'''Rex''': Forever is gonna be shorter than you think.
:'''Guranset''': No! Nooooo!
:'''Rex''': Aw, come on! I didn't hit you that hard!
:''[Guranset gasps]''
:'''Rex''': What's happening to you?
:''[Guranset gasps]''
:'''Guranset''': Aaaaaaaaah!
:''[Guranset grunts]''
:'''Guranset''': Do not touch your pharaoh.
:'''Rex''': You need help. Your nanites are dying of old age-- I think. It's like starting an old car. Uh, o-or a camel. Let me help you. I can fix your nanites, and then maybe--
:'''Guranset''': Lies!
:'''Rex''': You're in a strange time, a strange place. We have science, machines. We can help you. Trust us.
:'''Guranset''': Like you trust the woman you call Black Knight? I see now this is a world of lies. You and I have no place in it. Father told me of you... Rex.
:'''Rex:''' What? How do you know my--
:'''Guranset''': I would have helped the world. Ended the hunger, the wars. But now he will return. Avenge me. ''[Echoing]'' I see now this is a world of lies. You and I have no place in it.
&lt;hr width80/&gt;
:'''Black Knight:''' You wanted something?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' The hall of records-- You can't keep it a secret. It must be studied. That hall--
:'''Black Knight:''' What hall?
:'''Rex:''' Why'd you do that?! Holiday said--
:'''Black Knight:''' Some secrets are best left buried under the sands, Rex.
:''[Dr. Holiday grunts]''
:'''Black Knight:''' Gentleman. Dr. Holiday.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Six, what'd you want to tell me back in the tomb?
:'''Six:''' It can wait.
:'''Rex:''' Don't wait too long.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' All those priceless artifacts. And we still don't know who created Gharun Set.

===Guy vs. Guy===
:'''Rex:''' This means war.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;

===Double Vision===
: ''[The episode starts as a butterfly flies through plants in a flower shop. Suddenly, Rex is thrown into the shop window, making nearby civilians run away. Rex gets up and looks out of the broken glass, seeing a beastly plant EVO, a few people watching, and Agent Six slashing his swords around to evade the EVO's tentacles.]''
: '''Rex:''' ''[Pants and brushes leaves off his sleeve and puts on goggles.]'' Not bad!
: ''[Uses the Punk Busters to jump out of the shop and generates his Smack Hands to uppercut the EVO, causing it to crash into a nearby building.]'' But I'm better!
: ''[The EVO gets out of the glass windows and roars, attacking Agent Six.]''
: '''Agent Six:'''	''[Cuts off a tentacle and walks towards Rex.]'' Talk is cheap, Rex. Prove it.
: '''Rex:''' ''[Generating the Smack Hands.]'' No problemo.
: ''[The EVO rushes towards Rex, unfortunately, Rex grabs it and slams it onto the ground. A random girl is driving up the road on a moped. However, she is stopped as the EVO blocks the path.]''
: '''Rex:''' ''[Putting his hands up to assure the girl.]'' Nothing to worry about, I've got this handled. ''[Turns to EVO, whom is still on the floor.]'' Okay big guy, say adiós to those nasty nanites.
: '''Rex:''' ''[Rex kneels down to cure the EVO, flowers spout out of the EVO]'' Aw, for me? Does this mean we're dating?
: ''[Suddenly, the flowers shoot out some goo into Rex's face, making him slam onto the floor, a crowd forms around the battle.]''
: '''Rex:''' ''[Yelps while getting up and pulls his goggles off and wipes the goo off his face.]'' Oh, that's better. ''[He gives his goggles to the random female on the moped]'' Hey! Watch these for me. ''[Runs back into battle and generates the Punk Busters and kicks the blacked out EVO over a building.]'' Goal! Hey thanks for holding onto my...huh?...
: ''[Rex turns around to see the girl missing from the crowd. Deforming his Punk Busters, he spots the girl riding away on her moped. She turns to look back at Rex, appearing to have on his goggles.]''
: '''Rex:''' Goggles!
: ''[Rex puts one of his hands up to signal for her to wait, but the EVO returns and wraps its tentacle around Rex's neck. The EVO twists Rex in mid-air in the sky for a minute before slamming him onto the cement. Rex gets up and sees the goggle girl riding away out of sight.]''
: '''Rex:''' Hey! You've got my...ungh...goggles... Aah! Ungh! Did you see that girl?! She stole my goggles!
: '''Agent Six:''' Priorities, Rex.
: '''Rex:''' They are my priority, Six. I can pound EVOs any day. Those goggles are-- Ah, great. Who invited her?
: '''Black Knight:''' Stand down, gentlemen. We've got this covered.
: '''Rex:''' We don't need any help. Whoa! Whoa! Ungh!
: '''Black Knight:''' Obviously. Control collar-- Now. We'll take it from here.
: '''Rex:''' Take it from whe-e-re?! I've already got this under contro-o-o-o-l! Whoa! Ugh! Let me try to cure it.
: '''Black Knight:''' The new Providence protocol is to confine, constrain and control. If curing is an option, it will be considered-- At my discretion.
: '''Rex:''' Control? I can cure it now and end this.
: '''Black Knight:''' The offer still stands. If you want to come back to Providence, you can continue your mission.
: '''Rex:''' I have my mission!
: '''Black Knight:''' Curing every EVO on Earth isn't a mission, Rex. It's an impossibility.
: '''Rex:''' Watch me.
: '''Black Knight:''' Everybody back! Contain those seedlings!
: '''Rex:''' You just made it worse! Now I've got to clean up your mess. Starting with this guy. See? Fearing works!
: '''Black Knight:''' It was your actions that exacerbated this situation. I want full containment and control over those seedlings. Move out-- Now.
: '''Agent Six:''' While you were arguing, Holiday found another sprout. Let's go deal with that before Providence does.
: '''Rex:''' But-- My goggles!
: '''Agent Six:''' Focus, Rex. We've got work to do.
: '''Rex:''' Nice work!
: '''Agent Six:''' Drop in the bucket. Look below.
: '''Rex:''' Wow. And I thought I'd be able to knock off early today.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' On the contrary, Rex. By overlaying current worldwide wind patterns on top of international population centers, we're looking at total global infestation within thirty-eight hours.
: '''Bobo:''' Ooh, that's a lot of roughage.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' I need to get in the field and obtain some live samples. Bobo and I will meet you at the rendezvous point in the mobile command center.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, doc. We're almost there. Hey! It's that girl! Wh-o-o-o-oa!
: '''Agent Six:''' What's gotten into you, Rex?
: '''Rex:''' My goggles-- I can't see without them!
: '''Agent Six:''' Obviously, you can see without them.
: '''Rex:''' Well, yeah, but I really need them a lot of the time. Don't you remember when I first got them?
: '''Agent Six:''' Actually, no.
: '''Rex:''' Oh. Sorry. My bad. It was early on, when I was just learning to control my powers. Whoa!
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Rex:''' Aaaah! Aah! Aaaaah! Oof!
: '''Agent Six:''' Horse manure.
: '''Rex:''' This is exactly why I need my goggles! Hey! I thought this thing was just a sprout!
: '''Agent Six:''' It's the nature of plants to grow.
: '''Rex:''' Hm. Very Zen of you, Six. Well, it's the nature of me to kick EVO butt! Whoa! Oof! Yuck! This stuff really stinks!
: '''Agent Six:''' All yours.
: '''Rex:''' Ta-da! And for my next trick... Oh, and look who's late to the party.
: '''Black Knight:''' ''[Entering]'' Alpha team, I want you to lay down suppressive fire and--
: ''[Realizing the EVOs not there]''
: '''Black Knight:''' Belay that. Sit Ops, I was told we had a Class-Three EVO situation here. Where is the EVO?
: '''Rex:''' ''[Rex hands her flowers]'' Sorry. This is all that's left. Six, are we good here? I've got to run.
: '''Agent Six:''' I'd put those in water.
: '''Black Knight:''' Unh!
: '''Rex:''' Slow down! I just want to-- Ungh!
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Rex:''' Huh? What?! No way! Hey! You've got my-- Ugh! Whoa! ...Goggles.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' You've got bigger problems than a girl on a scooter, Rex. First a flower shop, then gardening supplies. It's getting hungrier. Gentlemen, I suggest you get to the sewage-treatment plant as quickly as possible.
: '''Rex:''' Huh? Why?
: '''Agent Six:''' Fertilizer, Rex, as in if those sprouts chow down on that much raw nourishment, we're in some deep...
: ''[Plant EVO bursts through a nearby wall]''
: '''Rex:''' ...Horse maneure. Hungry? Eat this!
: '''Agent Six:''' Holiday, get to the sewage plant. We'll meet you there after we clean up.
: '''Bobo Haha:''' Clean up? I'd rather make a mess! Shoulda brought my chainsaw.
: '''Agent Six:''' Shoot the seedlings!
: '''Rex:''' Huh? Okay, this time I'm going to--
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Hey! Wait! Aw, man! Back off!
: ''[Rex panting]''
: '''Bobo:''' You went a little nuts there, buddy. I like it! But... Goggles?
: '''Rex:''' That EVO interrupted before I could finish the story.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Agent Six:''' Here, kid. Try these on.
: '''Rex:''' Um, so I can look like a total doofus?
: '''Agent Six:''' You have no idea how unique these goggles are, Rex. A reclusive weaponsmith in Zurich crafted this single pair before he turned EVO.
: '''Rex:''' Really? And then what happened to him?
: '''Agent Six:''' I did. He won't be crafting any more goggles.
: '''Rex:''' Cool!
: '''Agent Six:''' These are one-of-a-kind, Rex-- Special, for you.
: '''Bobo:''' What a bunch of chimp chips! Those goggles are-- Whoa!
: '''Rex:''' Wow. That is a lot of rampaging EVO.
: '''Bobo:''' Yeah. Lucky holiday-- She's right in the thick of it.
: '''Rex:''' Lucky?
: '''Bobo:''' She gets to try out all the special modifications I made to that sweet ride.
: ''[Dr. Holiday grunts]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' ''[Plant EVO has Holiday trapped inside the Mobile Command Center]'' Okay. Let's see how you like 10,000 volts of--
: ''[Holiday presses a button, and music starts playing]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Bobo's mix tape?! Who puts the stereo next to the weapons system?! One more time-- Big red button. Always go for the big red button. Unless you don't want to drain the batteries to zero.
: ''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Bobo, your improvements could use some improvements. Rex, if you're not too busy, I'd appreciate a little assistance.
: '''Bobo:''' Hey, ain't that your girlfriend?
: '''Agent Six:''' She can take care of herself, right, Rex?
: '''Rex:''' Right-- For now.
: ''[Dr. Holiday gasps]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' That's more like it. Ungh! Fine! Let's see how you like this! I don't know what you just did, Rex, but thanks. Rex?
: '''Black Knight:''' I admit our last encounter didn't end well, but I think we need to work together on this one.
: '''Rex:''' You want to work together? We left Providence, remember?
: '''Black Knight:''' Rex--
: '''Rex:''' What happened to &quot;stay out of my way&quot;?
: '''Black Knight:''' Rex!
: '''Rex:''' So now when you need somebody to take out your trash, you can just forget that I quit your crummy organization?
: '''Black Knight:''' Yes, Rex, I can, because I don't let my emotions guide my choices. I only want what's best for Providence-- And the world.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, cool. Just wanted to hear you say it. Aah!
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, the EVO is too big to cure without getting to its core.
: '''Rex:''' Yeah, well, I'm not doing much good out here!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' All those vines, the seedlings, everything-- They're just puppets to the plant. Stop those nanites in the core, and you cut the strings.
: '''Rex:''' On it! Huh?!
: '''Agent Six:''' Watch it, Rex.
: '''Rex:''' Whoa! All I want are my goggles. All I've wanted all day are my goggles, and this EVOs been blocking me over and over! Hey, Bobo, you know how to shoot one of these?
: '''Bobo:''' Eh, how hard could it be?
: '''Rex:''' Load me into this thing and point it right at that EVO's sweet spot. And hurry. I got better stuff to do.
: '''Bobo:''' You do know that's 30,000 gallons of raw sewage you're aimin' at?
: '''Rex:''' Don't remind me. Oh... Yuck! Yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck!
: '''Agent Six:''' Elegant solution, Rex.
: '''Bobo:''' You don't smell elegant. You stink worse than me. I'm a little jealous.
: '''Black Knight:''' All right, Rex. Get to work.
: '''Rex:''' Work? What do you mean? I just served that vegetable!
: '''Black Knight:''' You cut the strings, but you still have to fix the puppets.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' She's right, Rex.
: '''Black Knight:''' You want to cure the world? Start curing.
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Rex:''' Whoa, man, I'm beat! I don't think I can move another inch if you paid me.
: ''[Goggle girl rides past him]''
: '''Rex:''' Gotta move! See ya! Hey! Stop for a second! Six, I'm really starting to think this girl's got some kind of EVO action going on-- Teleporter, speedster, something.
: '''Goggle girl:''' Hey!
: '''Rex:''' Huh? Six, she's not just a teleporter. She can make doubles of herself-- Multiple abilities! She's an EVO, like me!
: '''Goggle girl:''' It's the skeevy guy who's been chasing me. He was chasing me, too. And me. What do you want?
: '''Rex:''' You took my goggles! I want them back!
: '''Goggle girl:''' Hey, Einstein, did you see our logo? That stands for &quot;Goggle Girl&quot;, as in the delivery service. You haven't ever heard of us?
: '''Rex:''' Um... No.
: '''Goggle girl:''' &quot;Nothing is cuter than a girl on a scooter.&quot; Kind of hard to miss.
: ''[Goggle girl groans]''
: '''Goggle girl:''' It's the worst slogan ever.
: '''Rex:''' But-- But my goggles!
: '''Goggle girl:''' Part of our costume. The boss buys them in bulk, along with these cheesy wigs he makes us wear. It's kind of lame.
: '''Rex:''' In bulk?! Those goggles?! But... They're one-of-a-kind! They're special! They're-- They're... I'll just go now. Nope. Nope. Definitely not.
: '''Agent Six:''' I still don't know why those goggles were so important to you.
: '''Rex:''' You gave to me, Six. It was the first present, the first nice thing that I remember getting since you found me. You said they were special, and that made me feel special.
: '''Six:''' Yes, about those goggles... Apparently, according to Bobo, I may have misled you. There was dozens of them in the Providence service bay.
: '''Rex:''' I knew the story was fake, but you told it because you cared about me. That's what made them special.
: '''Agent Six:''' I see.
: '''Bobo:''' Hey, champ. You got a package.
: '''Goggle girl:''' Sign, please.
: '''Agent Six:''' It's for you. From us. Just open it.
: '''Rex:''' My goggles!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Better. We commissioned an enhanced version.
: '''Rex:''' Cool! Infrared... Microscopic... Nanovision?! Thanks, you guys. You really are one-of-a-kind.
: '''Bobo:''' Those are great, but these are me.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' I just need to hold on to them for a few more hours while I run a full diagnostic.
: '''Rex:''' A few hours?! I just got them! Aw!
: '''Bobo:''' Here-- Because I care.
: '''Goggle girl:''' They actually look kinda cute.
: '''Rex:''' Hey, doc! No rush!
: '''Bobo:''' Ain't love grand?

===Black and White===
: '''Calan:''' Be advised, we've got activity. Major activity. Stop right there, or we'll shoot! Don't make me do it.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, I know what you're thinking, but this is totally not what it looks like.
: '''Calan:''' Calan to command, tell Black Knight-- We have apprehended the intruders. Repeat, we got'em.
: '''Rex:''' No! Get out of my head! Stop it! Stop! Stop with the talking! A dream. Oh, thank you! For a second, I swore that I heard his voice. It was almost like he was in the-- Room. Huh?!
: '''White Knight:''' I was wondering if I was gonna have to send the monkey in with a bucket of water. But I thought, &quot;why should he have all the fun?&quot; Five minutes-- Situation room. Consider this your wake-up call.
: '''Rex:''' Aren't you supposed to be playing dead? You're lucky Black Knight doesn't know you're here.
: '''White Knight:''' Black Knight thinks what I want her to think. With the installation of the new regime, I suspected that there was more going on at providence than just this new control protocol. I decided to test my hypothesis. I needed time to operate freely without prying eyes. So I went off the grid.
: '''Rex:''' And from the smell of it, you haven't changed out of your suit since then.
: ''[Bobo sniffs]''
: '''White Knight:''' I've been busy. I've been tracking their operations. They involve familiar locales and even more familiar machinery.
: '''Rex:''' You still use a camera with film? Do they even make that stuff anymore?
: '''White Knight:''' What they don't make are machines like these. This is the wreckage of Rylander's lab.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Are they doing what I think they're doing?
: '''Rex:''' Do what?
: '''White Knight:''' It appears that this new Providence is restarting the nanite program.
: '''Rex:''' There is no way my brother would help restart something that nearly destroyed the world. There's got to be a good explanation. We should just ask him.
: '''White Knight:''' We can't risk direct contact. We need to infiltrate Providence, download her computer banks, and assess how far along they are before we take any other actions.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Over there.
: '''Rex:''' Just saying there's more here than meets the eye. Whoa!
: '''Six:''' Breaking into Providence? That's a big move, even for you. Black Knight is sure to have enhanced the security systems. We may be able to breach the perimeter defenses, but once inside, we'd be blind targets.
: '''White Knight:''' You'd be right if we were playing on her board.
: '''Six:''' Forgive me for doubting you.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, is someone gonna tell me what these are for? This is so not going to work.
: '''Six:''' Trust the plan.
: '''Rex:''' Huh? Okay, so, maybe they worked. But how'd you get them to do it on cue?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' All a matter of timing. Assuming we get past the outer perimeter, securing the data is a completely different story. Providence encrypts all data. We need to disable multiple units before we can download anything off the mainframe. Doing that undetected is ''[sighs]'' insane.
: '''Rex:''' Finally, a voice of reason. I'm calling my brother. Took the lady with three phds to realize what I've been saying all along is right. Hey, that costs money! I'm over my minutes!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' How did you... This is...
: '''Six:''' Doable.
: '''Rex:''' Do what? What is that? A secret passage.
: '''White Knight:''' When they built the tower, I had them install, these-- Upper-management corridors.
: '''Six:''' In the old days, they called passages like these the king's road.
: '''White Knight:''' From here, we face some unknowns. Stick to the plan. Or we could die.
: '''Rex:''' What?! Me?! What about you?! Part of the plan was to do this quietly.
: '''Calan:''' Stop right there, or we'll shoot!
: ''[Dr. Holiday gasps]''
: '''Rex:''' Here we go. Ok, I know what you're thinking, but this is totally not what it looks like.
: '''White Knight:''' Stand down, Rex.
: ''[Calan laughs]''
: '''Calan:''' Welcome back, sir. We've been waiting for you.
: '''Rex:''' Que, huh?
: '''Calan:''' Sorry for the scare, Rex. We couldn't guarantee the Black Knight wasn't taper our communications. It was best to keep radio silence. In any case-- Say hello to your man on the inside. He've got a bomb! All units, fall back, fall back! Captain Calan, do you copy? Report.
: '''White Knight:''' Ready for a repeate performance?
: '''Calan:''' Ready when you are, sir. Good luck, everyone. They're headed for the... petting zoo.
: '''Holiday:''' Here it is. Just like he said.
: '''White Knight:''' This is the Hive. The central nervous system of the entire complex. An electric field protects the inner chambers. We'll need the circuit bandage.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' I've got an idea, but you'll have to go in partially naked. We've got eyes everywhere.
: '''Six:''' Good. Knight and I will handle the encryption towers. You know what to do with this.
: '''Rex:''' No sweat. I'm on it. Just have to make one quick detour. Bro? You in here? Oh, no. No, no, no!
: '''Caesar:''' Rex, is that you? What brings you here?
: ''[Six groans]''
: '''Six:''' Partially naked. Tower one clear. Proceed to next phase.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Got it. Redirecting the data flow now.
: '''Calan:''' Anyone hear for the monkey?
: '''Rex:''' Huh?!
: '''Bobo:''' Offical pet desk. Keep your distance.
: '''Rex:''' Is that Dr. Rylander?
: '''Caesar:''' It is. Well, almost. After you brought back Van Kleiss, I couldn't help but to wonder if perhaps I might do the same for him. Unfortunately, Van Kleiss was already great in tune the nanites. As you can see, Dr. Rylander-- wasn't.
: '''Rex:''' Ok, whatever. Listen, I'm here on a secret mission.
: '''Caesar:''' Secret? 
: '''Rex:''' White Knight said--
: '''Caesar:''' White Knight is alive?
: '''Rex:''' If you can call him that. Anyway, he says... you might wanna sit down for this part? That Black Knight is restarting the nanite program. Don't you think that's messed up?
: '''Caesar:''' On the contrary. I'm in charge of it.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Commencing download in T-2 minutes. White Knight has infiltrated sector three. You're right. They are monitoring our movements. How did you know?
: '''White Knight:''' It's what I would do. Now start evac protocols.
: '''Black Knight:''' I've torn this facility apart looking for that? When I found it, I still couldn't get to it. Bio-feed security system-- Clever. You have to be nanite-free to open it. I guessed you weren't dead. I knew if I let enough info leak about what we're doing here, you've showed up, eventually. I'll take it.
: '''White Knight:''' You can try.
: '''Black Knight:''' What ever you say. You were the boss.
: '''White Knight:''' That's not a providence toy.
: '''Black Knight:''' A woman is entitled her secrets. Especially when those secrets keep me alive.
: ''[Black Knight grunts]''
: '''White Knight:''' Ohh! What I could've done with you if I hired you first.
: '''Black Knight:''' Don't fool yourself, White.
: '''White Knight:''' Ohh, ohh, ohh!
: '''Black Knight:''' You were bandage at best. the Consortium knew that you weren't the leader for the future. Stand down, old man!
: '''White Knight:''' I've got a few secrets of my own, kid. After all, this was my office. Consortium or not, it will be again.
: '''Black Knight:''' Ugh!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Be advised, they're on to us. Making for the rendezvous.
: '''Six:''' I'll take my swords back now. Please.
: '''Rex:''' What are you doing, helping Black Knight? She's obviously the more psycho of the two knights.
: '''Caesar:''' I'm not helping the Black Knight do anything. I'm trying to fix things. The day everything changed. We never imagined what would happen when we released the nanites.
: '''Rex:''' Release them?! You caused the nanite event?!
: '''Caesar:''' It was the only way we were going to save the world.
: '''Rex:''' You unleashed the worst man-made disaster the world has ever seen!! You've ruined countless lives!! How can you say that you saved anything?!
: '''Caesar:''' You weren't there... not in any way that mattered! If we hadn't--
: '''Rex:''' Hold that thought. Here, doggy, doggy.
: '''Six:''' Excessive?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Sweet, actually. Now you're overdoing it.
: '''White Knight:''' ''[panting]'' Are we finished here? ''[screams]'' Careful, Black. Your council wouldn't be too pleased if you destroyed the very thing you're after.
: '''Black Knight:''' If doesn't have to be like this, White! The Consortium may have lost faith in you, but you know my methods are right. Come back. Under my protection, who knows? There may even be a promotion in it for you.
: '''White Knight:''' You would turn on your own masters?
: '''Black Knight:''' For that kind of power, wouldn't you?
: '''White Knight:''' You would turn on your own masters?
: '''Black Knight:''' For that kind of power, wouldn't you?
: '''White Knight:''' I am going to stop the Consortium. If you or Providence gets in my way, this tape goes public.
: '''Black Knight:''' Wait!
: '''Caesar:''' Rex, stop! You're destroying my work!
: '''Rex:''' Your work is done! And so are we! I got it. Time to blow this--
: '''Black Knight:''' Stand down, Rex. Face it, kiddo... today is not your day.
: '''Rex:''' Actually, today's wednesday, and wednesday means fiesta night at the cafeteria. Getting in is going to be cake... very dangerous cake. Any bright ideas on how we're getting out?
: '''Bobo:''' I got one word for you, kid-- Plumbing.
: '''Rex:''' I got it. Time to blow this...
: '''Bobo:''' Taco stand.
: '''White Knight:''' Aah!
: '''Bobo:''' Me and Van Gogh, unappreciated in our time.
: '''Rex:''' All of that-- Was for that?! I got nanites, billions of 'em.
: '''White Knight:''' Not like this one, Rex. This is a Meta Nanite. One of several. Hardwired into its design is a program for the original Dominion Code.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Dominion Code? I thought that was a myth.
: '''White Knight:''' I can assure you, doctor, it is very real. Each one gives its host control over different building blocks of the universe- matter, antimatter, elemental, space, time, reality. With the complete code, you can control them. And through them, you control ''everything''. In sort, it's the God Code.
: '''Rex:''' The Consortium want to be...gods?
: '''White Knight:''' If it wasn't for the original Nanite Event scattering the Metas across the globe, they may have already succeeded. The situation has changed, people. Black Knight has been searching the globe for the other Meta-Nanites. She needs them all to complete the Master Program. As long as we're keeping her secret, she'll hold off. But sooner or later, she'll be coming for this with the full power of Providence and the Consortium at her back. So... if you want to move on, forget what I've told you.
: '''Rex:''' You're not getting rid of us that easily, old man. My parents died for this. Black Knight wants war, war she gets.

===Deadzone===
: '''Holiday:''' &quot;You cannot let him out of your sight, Rex. Don't you see why Black Knight wants him? He's the ultimate insurance against any E.V.O.&quot;
: '''Rex:''' &quot;Not just any. Me.&quot;
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Black Knight:''' &quot;Since the search for Feakins is going nowhere, we have no choice but to become much more aggressive with Rex.&quot;

===Assault on Abysus===
: '''Diane Farrah:''' Through research and hard work, Providence has turned the curse of the EVO into a blessing. One that will serve mankind. Science and compassion have created a new future for all EVOs. A future filled with happiness and hope.
: '''Black Pawn:''' You? Seen some EVOs pass through here?
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
*Rex and Circe finally admit their true feelings for one another. Unfortunately, there was not enough episodes to explore their romance further.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: ''[Somewhere in [[w:Hong Kong|Hong Kong, China]]'']''
: '''Circe:''' Okay. They're gone.
: '''Skywwd:''' For now. Get out of here, Circe. Run!
: '''Circe:''' I'm not leaving you guys.
: '''Skywwd:''' You can pass as human. Go before Providence gets you too! 
: '''Black Pawn:''' The girl! She's with them!
: '''Skwwyd:''' Run!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' What's up?
: '''Circe:''' You're the only person I could turn to.
: '''Rex:''' Circe?
: '''Circe:''' I don't know. That's the hardest part.
: '''Rex:''' You did what you had to do.
: '''Circe:''' I left them there, Rex. Our friends. Providence has to be stopped. Someone needs to do something.
: '''Rex:''' ''[puts his arms around Circe to comfort her]'' We are.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Am I disturbing you two?
: '''Rex:''' No.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' White Knight wants to talk with you.
: '''Rex:''' Ugh. What's he gonna yell at me for this time?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' No, I meant Circe. He wants to talk to her.
: '''Circe:''' Providence has been hunting these down, too?
: '''White Knight:''' You didn't tell her about them, Rex?
: '''Rex:''' I thought the Master Control Nanites were supposed to be top secret.
: '''White Knight:''' She has to know if she's going to lead the mission.
: '''Rex:''' Her? That was supposed to be my mission.
: '''White Knight:''' It's no one's mission. It's about getting the job done.
: '''Circe:''' Why me?
: '''White Knight:''' Intelligence indicates that Providence has targeted a Master Control Nanite in Abysus. In Van Kleiss' old castle, to be more precise. You're the only one with the knowledge to get us in there.
: '''Rex:''' I've been there before. How hard could it be? Circe, you don't have to.
: '''Circe:''' If it helps stop Black Knight in Providence, I'm in.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, Doc. We made it. The new power suit gave me more range, just like you said.
: ''[Circe whistles]''
: '''Circe:''' Thanks, Banak. We're trying to keep a low profile. Don't tell anyone, okay?
: '''Rex:''' Good thing you knew the secret whistle or we might have been rooting around forever.
: ''[Rex chuckles]''
: '''Rex:''' Get it? &quot;Root&quot;? Uh... This can't be easy coming back here. I owe you.
: '''Circe:''' Forget it. We're even. I used you in the past, now you and your friends are using me.
: '''Rex:''' Is there some sort of problem between you and me?
: '''Circe:''' There's nothing between you and me. Just the mission. I don't have good memories of this place. Let's just leave it at that, okay?
: '''Rex:''' Fine. I'm surprised we haven't run into-- Ugh!
: ''[Circe echoing roar]''
: '''Skalamander:''' Traitor! Stop her!
: '''Circe:''' Aah!
: '''Rex:''' Can you chill?! There's no time for this. Who's leading you now that Van Kleiss is gone? I need to speak to your leader. Figures. Biowolf, we have a problem. And... I need your help.
: '''Biowulf:''' I will listen.
: '''Rex:''' Great, because--
: '''Biowulf:''' Only after you. earn the right-- Through combat.
: ''[Biowulf growls]''
: ''[Rex spits]''
: '''Rex:''' At least Van Kleiss was civilized. Buckle up, dog boy.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' I have a plan. Lead them back.
: '''Circe:''' ''[concerned]'' Rex?
: '''Rex:''' When I say &quot;roll,&quot; roll.
: '''Circe:''' What?
: '''Rex:''' Roll!! Circe, sing. 
: ''[Circe uses her ultrasonic blasts on the EVOs and beams at Rex.]''
: '''Rex:''' We always made a good team.
: '''Circe:''' It won't hold them for long.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' Go. I'll get the Master-Control Nanite. ''[Notices how worried Circe is about him probably not returning]'' This isn't Hong Kong. I'll be OK. I'll meet up with you soon.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Biowulf:''' They're turned out own people against us.
: '''Circe:''' Let me see what I can do. (''Uses her ultrasonic bursts on several collared E.V.O.S''). So many.
: '''Biowulf:''' You can't stop them once they're collared.
: '''Circe:''' I can go down trying!
: '''Black Pawn:''' Her sonics are disrupting the offensive.
: '''Biowulf:''' If can't win, we'll take down as many as we can fighting.
: '''Circe:''' This isn't one battle, it's a war. And we can't let it end here before Rex has the Master-Control Nanite.
: '''Biowulf:''' What then?
: '''Circe:''' Tactical retreat.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' Providence goons are contained Biowulf. They shouldn't be a problem. And I got the Master-Control Nanite. Looks like mission accomplished.
: '''Circe:''' Rex, I... 
:(''she and Rex cling to each other as the castle begins shaking'')
: '''Black Knight:''' Rex, order your friends to surrender. You're all under Providence custody. I knew it would be impossible to get the nanite from the heart of the original nanite infestation. So the solution was to remove it.
: '''Circe:''' It's Hong Kong all over again.
: '''Rex:''' No. We'll sneak about back...and then...And then.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' &quot;They were counting on me. I don't want to leave them!&quot;
: '''Circe:''' &quot;I did what I had to do. You do what you have to. But I only want you to know: 
: All of this was ''never'' about me just using you.&quot;
:(''Finally admits her true romantic feelings for Rex in the form of a passionate kiss. She then pushes a shocked Rex off the ledge, so he could escape; and her getting collared and captured in his stead. She smiled with tears in her eyes, with the promise that she would be okay.'')
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Rex''' (''burdened by Circe admitting her intense love for him and sacrifice'')''':''' ''We all make sacrifices for the things we care about; the people we love. But when the stakes are this high, who can we trust? What would that power do to anyone who had it?''

===Remote Control===
: '''Cricket:''' If you think we're going to thank you for getting us out of there, Quarry...
: '''Quarry:''' I think you're going to do exactly as I say.
: (''Activates the mind-control collar on her neck'')
: '''Cricket:''' AH!!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' Cricket, it's me! Rex! Used to a crush on me!?
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' Let them go. They'll lead us straight to Quarry.
: '''Cricket:''' &quot;Used to have a crush&quot;?
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Cricket:''' You know how collared E.V.O.s follow kind of like a robot. with these collars, it's worse. It's like you're a remote-controlled robot.
: '''Rex:''' That is a nasty hack.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Quarry:''' Your friends are very valuable to me as are you.
: '''Rex:''' Like the new look- strapping.
: '''Quarry:''' Let's just say I had to find a way to &quot;keep it together&quot; after my visit to Abyuss. Just one more thing you owe me for and you know how much I like a balanced book.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Quarry:''' You'll be the crown jewel of my E.V.O. army, Rex. I may just make you my own personal slave.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Quarry:''' That collar suits you, Rex. Wish I had one for you back in the old days. Would've saved me a lot of trouble.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Rex:''' The arcade- all those kids.
: '''Quarry:''' those brats were born to play games, which is what they think their doing. And I have your people to thank for the tech. That brother of yours is quite the wiz kid.
: '''Rex:''' Caesar would never...
: '''Cricket:''' Forget about Caesar, Rex! You know what you got to do!
: '''Rex:''' These guys will shred you if I leave!
: '''Tuck:''' We got this, Rex! Go!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Quarry:''' Consider the fact that you made me like this while I'm crushing you.

===A Brief History of Time===
: '''Van Kleiss:''' 4.000 years from my destination, and I've run out of of time. I've scarcely completed the vessel which shall deliver me to my own era. Gharun-Set, activate the traps-- Quickly! My greatest creation-- So useful to me, but too dangerous to roam free. If only I had time to destroy him, as I should. But I have a more pressing death I must prevent. My own. AAAAAAAAAAAH!
: '''Rex:''' Kind of defeating the whole stealth element of a stealth suit, Bobo.
: '''Bobo:''' Hey, now was I supposed to know that ghanoush went bad?
: '''Rex:''' Maybe because you found it in a garbage can.
: '''Bobo:''' On top of a garbage can.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Holiday to Rex. Are you at the site?
: '''Rex:''' There is not site, remember? Black Knight blew the pace to kingdom come.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Yet it's still guarded. And thanks to the data you stole from Providence, we know why.
: '''Rex:''' Van Kleiss back in time? I still find it hard to believe.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' You were sent six months into the future, Rex. It stands to reason that the reverse is possible.
: '''Rex:''' Well, if you expect to find him here, maybe we should check the mummy museum. We're sensing nanites-- Definitely V.K.'s. They've been dead a long time.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Over 4,000 years. I'm also detecting tachyons-- Quantum particles that travel in time. I think it's clear what he was making.
: '''Bobo:''' A latrine?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' A time machine.
: '''Rex:''' No way he pulled it off! If mister ego made it back to here and now, we'd know about it.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Some of these nanites are considerably younger. That means he was there in two different time periods.
: '''Rex:''' Time travel gives me a headache. Just tell me-- Where is he now?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' The more accurate question is, when is he?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' AAAAAAH!
: ''[Van Kleiss gasping]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Ugh! The ordeal is... draining. But now, back in my own time, I can replenish my nanite reserves and--
: '''Gladiator #1:''' Quis es tu?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I recognize the language, of course-- Classical latin. Qui-- Q-Qui annus est?
: '''Gladiator #1:''' What year is it? You dare question a captain of the imperial guard? Aegyptus is a roman Providence! Answer! Who are you?
: '''Gladiator #2:''' Don't bother-- He's clearly sun-mad.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' The dialect, the dress-- This is the second century A.D. A mere 2,000 years has passed. I'm only halfway home!
: '''Gladiator #1:''' Another escaped slave. Finish him and be done with it.
: ''[Gladiator #2 grunts]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' It was all the fight I could muster. I had no way to replace the nanites I'd spent in the journey, and my gauntlet had yet to recharge those that remained.
: '''Gladiator #2:''' This one shows spirit. He'll bring a good price in the arena.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' OOMPH!
: ''[Van Kleiss groans]''
: '''Gladiator #2:''' Save your strength.
: '''Gladiator #3:''' Where you're going, you'll need it.
: ''[Van Kleiss slurps]''
: ''[Van Kleiss gulps]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I intend to. Of the mysterious force, there is no sign. Yet I sense it is close-- Pursuing me even across the centuries. I am convinced it is a manifestation of time itself. My presence is a violation of physics-- An imbalance which the time stream seeks to correct... By wiping me from existence. But of this, I am certain-- If I do not return to my own time, it will surely destroy me.
: '''Gladiator #1:''' You are fortunate, slave. To die in the arena is a great honor.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' An honor I look forward to bestowing.
: ''[Gladiator #1 laughs]''
: '''Gladiator #1:''' You see? Spirit!
: ''[Van Kleiss groans]''
: '''Gladiator #3:''' Put on a good show, little man, and I promise to make your end a painless one.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Indeed?
: ''[Gladiator #3 grunts]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I, on the other hand, make no such promise.
: ''[Gladiator #3 grunting]''
: ''[Van Kleiss grunting]''
: '''Gladiator #3:''' AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
: ''[Gladiator #3 groans]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' One against so many? Hardly seems fair. For them.
: '''Gladiator #4:''' ARRRGHHHH!
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Ordinarily, I'd say &quot;take me to your leader,&quot; but I believe he's already here.
: '''Septimius Severus:''' Great warrior... Never have I seen such a battle. I am...
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Septimius Severus, 21st emperor of Rome, founder of the severan dynasty. And, as I recall, you poisoned your own commanding officer to get his position... And wear only boots to conceal a prodigious clubfoot.
: '''Septimius Severus:''' Are you a man... Or a God?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I find both labels rather limiting. Now, then, you are going to give me whatever I require, starting with a quiet place to work. I, in return, shall ensure the growth and security of your reign as emperor. You may call me Van Kleiss.
: '''Septimius Severus:''' Whatever your desire, great Vanklios.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Actually, it's... Got a rather nice ring.
: '''Rex:''' What's with this guy? Gets a portrait done in every time period?
: '''Bobo:''' Mm. ''[muffled]'' Truly a nutjob for the ages. Mm. Speaking of nuts... Want some?
: '''Rex:''' You've been dumpster-diving again?
: '''Bobo:''' I prefer &quot;foraging.&quot;
: '''Rex:''' Yeah. Nice sleuthing there, doc.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Nanites decay at a measurable half-life. I set our sat-net to do a global scan for the same frequency-- Ergo, Rome.
: '''Rex:''' Great. You scan for the next stop, we'll grab a pizza.
: '''Bobo:''' Pass. I'm experiencing inexpicable gastric distress.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, it would take months to scan the entire spectrum. You need to find the next decay frequency.
: '''Rex:''' Kind of like nanite connect-the-dots! Can I do it with someone else?
: '''Bobo:''' Hey, quiet, you! Rah!
: '''Rex:''' This goose chase just got a little wilder. My brother's here.
: '''Caesar:''' Caesar to Black. We've detected paleo-nanites. Tachyon readings negative. We're moving to the next hot stop.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Tachyons-- They want Van Kleiss' time machine. Follow them.
: '''Rex:''' Come on.
: '''Bobo:''' Can you give me a teeny sec? I gotta find the little gladiators' room.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Advances in the last two millenia have allowed me to complete my lab in weeks instead of months. Restrict the flow! Do you want to overload the power cells? Meanwhile, my own nanite supply continues to dwindle.
: ''[Septimius Severus panting]''
: '''Septimius Severus:''' Great Vanklios, protect me!
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I've divulged metallurgy and tactics beyond your day. No man may threaten your rule. : '''Septimius Severus:''' This is no man... But an apparition!
: ''[Septimius Severus grunts]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' What apparition? Speak, parasite!
: '''Septimius Severus:''' A spirit of doom! Numerous sightings-- The insulare, the rostra, the forum. Listen! It comes! It comes!
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Fool. It only wants me.
: '''Septimius Severus:''' Ugh!
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I release you. Go start a few legends.
: '''Septimius Severus:''' NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
: ''[Septimius Severus gasps]''
: '''Septimius Severus:''' Be gone! I beg of you! Aah!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, those stress lines-- It's the same pattern we saw in Egypt.
: '''Black Knight:''' Report.
: '''Caesar:''' These aqueducts are truly marvels of roman engineering.
: '''Black Knight:''' Have you picked up the next decay frequency?
: '''Caesar:''' Oh-- That. Yes. Uplinking to our global net. Odd. These tachyons seems unrelated to--
: '''Black Knight:''' We have the next target. Scandinavia. Move out. White Knight may have people on the trail. I expect you to do whatever it takes to procure the objective.
: '''Rex:''' Shh!
: '''Caesar:''' I've initiated the same steps as in Egypt! Come along.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, we need that decay frequency.
: '''Rex:''' Just one small problem, doc. This place... is toast.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex? Bobo? Respond!
: '''Rex:''' We're okay, doc. Not a mark on us.
: '''Bobo:''' Same can't be said for my stealth suit. Whoa!
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: ''[Rex and Bobo gasps]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' So many lives... It's become a blur. I don't know who I am anymore. Only that I must sail onward, ever onwoard down the river of time. Never resting, always moving. Further draining my nanite reserves beyond my ability to replenish. And each re-emergence, I am pursued by the nameless force. I now know it's personal. I am a virus-- An infection of space-time. Call it what you like. This is time's antibody. Whether I can borne home or drowned in its currents, this is my final journey.
: '''Rex:''' Hurry! I'm not sure if we here followed.
: '''Bobo:''' I'm sure.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Don't shoot! It's me.
: '''Rex:''' Holiday? Shouldn't you be at the plant, connecting the dots?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' No more dots to connect. The trail ends here. And... I'm reading a humanoid form inside.
: '''Rex:''' I'm confused. Is it a time machine or isn't it?
: '''Caesar:''' It's not a time machine. Are those really necessary?
: '''Rex:''' No way you're getting this time machine, bro!
: '''Caesar:''' I don't want it. And it's not a time machine.
: '''Bobo:''' Well, then, what is it? A meat locker for cold cuts?
: '''Caesar:''' Surprisingly close. We use this technique to transfer unstable nanites. It puts them into a state of dormancy.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Of course. It's a hibernation chamber.
: '''Caesar:''' Only his nanites were dormant. There would still be neuron flow.
: '''Rex:''' Mind telling me what that means, exactly?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' He was... Aware. The whole time, for hundreds of years.
: '''Caesar:''' He would have felt every minute pass.
: '''Rex:''' No way! He's totally a mummy!
: '''Rex and Bobo:''' Wah!
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Run! It's coming! It's coming?!
: '''Rex and Bobo:''' Wah!
: '''Rex:''' Easy, easy, Van Kleiss. You're back-- Back in your own time.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' No! No, it'll find me! It always does! You must protect me.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Tachyon readings off the chart! Rex, you can't affect that thing. I don't know what can.
: '''Caesar:''' It's a field of pure tachyons. I've got to get a sample.
: '''Rex:''' Oh, no, you don't!
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I'm back! Back in my own time! You shall not have me?! OHHHH!
: '''Bobo:''' Settle down, Van Winkle.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Rex shudders]''
: '''Rex:''' Oh, no. It couldn't be. I need some way to contain it!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Tachyons can't be contained!
: '''Caesar:''' Yes, they can. Rex!
: ''[Caesar grunts]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, it's too risky!
: '''Rex:''' But I know what this is. Correction-- I know who this is.
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Rex:''' Aah!
: ''[Rex groaning]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' It's... Breach.
: '''Rex:''' Breach. Breach! It's me-- Rex.
: '''Breach:''' Rex? Are you real... Or a dream?
: ''[Rex laughs]''
: '''Rex:''' Yeah, yeah, I'm-- I'm real.
: '''Breach:''' I was everywhere-- Everywhen. But I was nothing-- An emptiness, needing to be filled.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' The amp pack. Van Kleiss controlled it. When his nanites were active, Breach was drawn into his timeframe.
: ''[Van Kleiss grunts]''
: '''Caesar:''' The final joining would have destroyed them both.
: '''Breach:''' Guess I should say thanks.
: '''Rex:''' Hey, what are friends for? Um, we are still friends... Right?
: '''Caesar:''' You did well, little bro.
: '''Rex:''' And you have your time machine that... isn't a time machine. Everybody goes home happy.
: '''Caesar:''' That? A curiosity-- True. But it was never our goal.
: ''[Van Kleiss shivering]''
: ''[Van Kleiss chuckles]''
: '''Rex:''' Van Kleiss?! All this for him? what, they're gonna put him in jail?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' It's Providence, Rex. That's their jurisdiction.
: '''Caesar:''' No need to worry, little brother. He's going to be well supervised.
: '''Rex:''' Caesar, what is going on!?
: '''Caesar:''' Justice.
: '''Bobo:''' Two words-- Crème Brûlée. Ooh. Right after I make a french connection.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Ugh!
: '''Black Knight:''' Welcome back, Van Kleiss. You look terrible. Ordinarily, I'd say get some rest, but you've had enough of that, I suppose.
: ''[Van Kleiss chuckles]''
: '''Black Knight:''' Pull it together. We have work to do. Do you know who I am?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Yes. I know who you are. It's been a long time. A very, very long time.

===Mind Games===
: '''Rex''': Yeah, I wouldn't be so sure of that.
: '''Six''': I told you not to get involved, Rex. You're not at full strength.
: '''Rex''': What was I supposed to do... Just leave it?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Six has a point, Rex. You're pushed to the edge lately. You can't see everyone.
: '''Rex''': Not listening! Don't worry, dude. I'll have you out of here before you can say... Circe?!
: '''Circe''': Hey, Rex. Rex! Aaaah!
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Rex! Rex, do you read? What's going on? Your bios are low.
: '''Rex''': Leave her alone! You okay? 
: '''Circe''': I think so. We have to go.
: '''Rex''': Think that's your cue. Hang on. I think I got it. Ow! Hate this things.
: '''Circe''': Try wearing one.
: '''Rex''': I have. So, what happened? I thought providence had you at abysus.
: '''Circe''': I got away.
: '''Rex''': What about the pack?
: '''Circe''': The pack? I... don't know. Things are bad out there, Rex. I've been on the run for weeks. providence has been stepping up their capture orders. I think something big is going down.
: '''Rex''': Tell me about it. Listen, I know we're gonna want to say no, but with everything that's going on...
: '''Circe''': I should stay at the plant. It's safer, right?
: '''Rex''': Wow, that was... easy. I had a whole speech and everything.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Well, everything checks out. You're the picture of health. I wish you'd let me do some more thorough scans, through.
: '''Six''': How was it you said you got away?
: '''Circe''': It's a long story. You guys have bigger things to worry about than me... like the meta-nanites. Did you get the one from abysus? Have you found anymore?
: '''Rex''': Ugh, who cares? Let's go do something fun. You want to put Bobo' hand in shaving cream?
: '''Circe''': ''[Yawns]'' Actually, Rex, I'm kind of tired. I thing I might just crash if that's cool.
: '''Rex''': Oh... yeah. Stupid of me. You, uh, get some sleep. Hey, Doc. What are you doing?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Rex. I was just... working. What are you doing up?
: '''Rex''': Ah, it's... stupid.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Yeah, probably. But... go ahead.
: '''Rex''': I'm... excited. Since I got breached, everything's been so crazy.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Since you got breached? Right.
: '''Rex''': But with Circe back, I'm starting to think maybe things will turn out okay.
: '''White Knight''': I need everyone in the situation room in five minutes.
: '''Rex''': So much for that.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': ''[Yawns]'' What'd I miss?
: '''Rex''': Wow, Doc. You sure got comfy quick.
: '''White Knight''': Listen up, people. We need to retrieve a valuable asset before it falls into enemy hands.
: '''Six''': What's the objective?
: '''White Knight''': This man... Dr. Peter Meechum.
: '''Rex''': That guy? I remember him. Van crazy kiddnaped his daughter.
: '''White Knight''': Meechum spent the last year at a safehouse facility... Codename: Pandora's Box... location know only to me.
: '''Rex''': Why all the cloak and dagger?
: '''White Knight''': Because Meechum was one of the original scientists on the nanite project. He was given a panic button in case of emergency. 30 minutes ago... he activated it.
: '''Six''': providence?
: '''White Knight''': We have to assume they're trying to assemble the original members of the nanite project. What Meechum knows is too valuable to fall into the wrong hands, so go get him.
: '''Six''': Maybe Circe should stay here.
: '''Rex''': What? Why?
: '''Six''': She's not on the team yet... not officialy.
: '''White Knight''': Take her. She'll be useful in the field.
: '''Rex''': Ahem. You guys forget you key? Did you check under the mat?
: '''Six''': Rex, focus on the mission. Get to Meechum!
: '''Rex''': Relax, Six. I could take these guys in my sleep, especially with help from... Huh? Circe? Uh... Time-out?
: '''Six''': Peter Meechum, you need to come with us.
: '''Dl. Meechum''': ''[Scoffs]'' Took you long enough.
: '''Rex''': Time in.
: '''White Knight''': Still no sign of Circe, Rex. We'll keep looking, but for right now, Meechum is our top priority.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': We'll find her, Rex. Don't worry.
: '''White Knight''': In the meantime, Dr. Meechum, I've checked, and your daughter is safe at her boarding school in England.
: '''Dl. Meechum''': My daughter. Right.
: '''White Knight''': We can make immediate arrangements to take you to her.
: '''Dl. Meechum''': No, I'd rather stay with you if that's all right. It's, uh... It's safer.
: '''White Knight''': Of course. White Knight out.
: '''Rex''': So, after that, providence attacked abysus to get the master control nanite. Guess you were next on their list.
: '''Dl. Meechum''': I see. And all this happened in the last year?
: '''Six''': You've missed a lot since you've been away, doctor.
: '''Dl. Meechum''': Horrible. I could never work for a providence like that. I have to say it's all very impressive. providence has certainly done a lot in the last year.
: '''Caesar''': And with your help, doctor, we can do more.
: '''Dl. Meechum''': Where's White Knight? I should tell him I've arrived.
: '''Black Knight''': I can answer that for you. It's good to have you back, doctor.
: '''Dl. Meechum''': What happened to White?
: '''Black Knight''': Just a routine change in command. Nothing to worry about. If you'll excuse me, gentlemen.
: '''Dl. Meechum''': Tell me you have my money ready.
: '''Black Knight''': You get away you want when I get what I want... Not before.
: '''Dl. Meechum''': Relax.
: '''Six''': I'm a professional, aren't I?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Six, see Meechum? I have some data I'd like to go over with him. Are you... okay?
: '''Six''': Rebecca, I have something important to tell you.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Okay. Well... Thanks for tell me.
: '''Six''': Rex, are you in here? I do not understand this show.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Am I interrupting?
: '''Six''': Not at all. What can I do for you?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Nothing important. I just wanted to say... earlier... that was nice. Unexpected but nice. 
: '''Six''': Earlier?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': In the lab?
: '''Six''': I have no idea what you're talking about.
: ''[Dr. Holiday scoffs]''
: '''Rex''': Six, I need to talk to you about Circe. Uh... Six? Earth to agent guy. You okay?
: '''Six''': I'm fine. I've just decided not to waste any more time on you, Rex.
: '''Rex''': Um... Is this because I accidentaly used your swords to slice a pizza?
: '''Six''': It's because you're weak. You don't have what it takes to complete the mission.
: '''Rex''': Ohh, I get it. This is one of your test, right?
: '''Six''': No test. Just me coming to my senses. You're not strong enough to survive what's coming. In the end, you're gonna let us all down.
: ''[Dr. Holiday crying]''
: '''Rex''': Doc? What's wrong?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': I-It's nothing, Rex. I didn't want you to see me like this.
: '''Rex''': Well, what is it?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': ''[Sobbing]'' It's Six. I'm afraid of him.
: '''Rex''': What?! That's crazy talk.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Is it? You have to have seen it. He's violent, on edge. He's losing control.
: '''Rex''': Are we talking about the same Six?
: '''Dr. Holiday''': We don't even known him. He was a killer, Rex. The old Six might have changed, but how do we know this Six didn't come back... Wrong?
: '''Dr. Meechum''': ''[Whistling]'' I have a question. How do you plan to re-create the project without a bio-interface expert?
: '''Caesar''': Oh, but we do have one.
: '''Van Kleiss''': No! The string doesn't work. Gordian knot, tied up tight. Alexander cheated. Can't cheat. Eyes on your own paper! Peter? No! Can't be! Different time, different me.
: '''Dr. Meechum''': Van Kleiss? You brought back that monster?
: '''Caesar''': Of course. He was the original interface programmer. Who better?
: '''Dr. Meechum''': Excuse me a moment. White, what the heck is going on?!
: '''White Knight''': Peter? Where are you?
: '''Dr. Meechum''': I'm at providence. Where are you?
: '''White Knight''': Providence. But that's not... I have to go. We have a problem.
: '''Rex''': You're darn right we have a problem, because this isn't Peter Meechum!
: ''[Dr. Meechum laughing maniacally]''
: '''Scarecrow''': Heya, Rex. Miss me?
: '''Rex''': Who are you? Where's Meechum?
: '''White Knight''': His name's John Scarecrow. He's an EVO, specialist in infiltration. Black Knight played us.
: '''Scarecrow''': You really don't remember me, Rex? I'll give you a hint. We used to share a stomping ground. We had a problem with a shapes hifter once.
: '''Rex''': You were in Hong Kong.
: '''Scarecrow''': Give the man a prize.
: ''[Scarecrow laughs]''
: '''Six''': I think he went that way.
: '''Rex''': Wait a minute.
: ''[Rex groans]''
: ''[Scarecrow laughs]''
: '''Rex''': I cannot believe I fell for that.
: '''Scarecrow''': Look at you. You're ridiculous. You think he'll come to his senses, realize his true feelings? Then what? You'll settle down. White picket fence. Little agent kids. You're fooling yourself. You're the worst of them... you know that?...  Because you know better. You really think you can save the world? None of you can survive what's coming!
: '''Rex''': Prove it's really you. What's my favorite color?
: '''Six''': I have no idea.
: '''Rex''': It's you, all right.
: ''[Dr. Holiday screaming]''
: '''Dr. Holiday''': Put it away. I'm not the EVO.
: '''Six''': We heard you scream.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': That wasn't me.
: '''Six''': Let's all calm down. We can figure this out.
: '''Rex''': Why, Six? Because I'm weak? You don't think I can handle this?
: '''Six''': I never said that.
: '''Rex''': But you think it, right? I don't see you putting down your guns, doc.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': I know it's not me. I'm not sure about you two.
: ''[Scarecrow laughs]''
: '''Scarecrow''': So easy. I barely had to nudge you.
: '''Rex''': Whatever you're after, you're not getting away with it.
: '''Scarecrow''': Get away with it?! Re-e-e-x, I got what I needed in the first five minutes.
: '''Rex''': Then why? Why do all this?
: '''Scarecrow''': Simple. I wanted to do to you what you did to me.
: '''Rex''': I'm done with you!
: ''[Scarecrow groans]''
: '''Scarecrow''': The big hero. Why do you get to forget? It's not fair!
: '''Rex''': Whine, whine, whine. What... you didn't get enough crazy hugs as a kid?
: '''Scarecrow''': You think I'm the only one you hurt? Then tell me...
: '''Sqwydd''': What about us? Why'd you betray me? 
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: '''Scarecrow:''' ''[as Circe]'' You promised to protect me, Rex! Where were you?
: '''Rex:''' Stop it!
: ''[Rex groans]''
: ''[Rex breathing heavily]''
: '''Caesar''': Face it, bro. It's why I left you. Mom and dad, too.
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Rex''': You are your own worst enemy.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': That's for Rex. That's for providence. And that was for the kiss.
: '''White Knight''': Providence won this round. No question.
: '''Rex''': They have the real Meechum. Maybe more.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': There's no telling how much of our system Scarecrow uploaded.
: '''Six''': But we have to assume they know everything we do.
: ''[Scarecrow laughs evilly]''
: '''White Knight''': Black Knight is coming for us. It's just a matter of time.
: '''Dr. Holiday''': So? I mean, we knew that. Nothing's changed, right?
: '''Six''': Rex, this is what they wanted... to turn us against each other.
: '''Rex''': Yeah, and look how easy it was. We thought we were a team, but we're not. We're vulnerable.
: '''Van Kleiss''': It's Heisenberg's uncertainty principle. Looking past Occam's Razor, we can clearly see to a quantum level. A quantum level is what I'm trying to achieve, because if I didn't do the quantum level, then I can understand what's happening.
: '''Caesar''': I know you don't like this, but it's not about us.
: '''Dr. Meechum''': Can you do it? Can you control him?
: '''Caesar''': Leave Van Kleiss to me.
: '''Dr. Meechum''': What about Black Knight? I don't like her, Salazar. Never did.
: '''Caesar''': Trust me, Peter... When we're finished, the end will justify the means.

===Hermanos===
:'''Rex Salazar''': WH-O-O-O-OA! Unh! Ugh!
:''[Rex sighs]''
:'''Agent Six''': Be careful, Rex.
:'''Rex Salazar''': I'm touched by your concern, Six.
:'''Agent Six''': It's not for you. We don't have Providence to pick up the tab anymore. You break it, you buy it.
:''[Rex growls]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': I'm saving the day here. What are they gonna do--Sue me? Oh, come on! It was a rhetorical question! What was I supposed to do? The whole building was made of glass!
:'''Lawyer''': ''[Hispanic accent]'' Glass? What are you talking about?
:'''Rex Salazar''': I'm... not talking about anything. What are you talking about?
:'''Lawyer''': Mr. Salazar, I'm an associate at the stateside branch of the Argentinean firm Gomez and Gomez. And today, sir, is your lucky day!
:'''Rex Salazar''': What's this?
:'''Lawyer''': It's yours!
:'''Noah Nixon''': No away! This is your house?
:'''Rex Salazar''': I know! According to the lawyer guy, this rancho in Argentina's been in my family forever. And ever since my parents died in the event, those lawyers have been trying to track down the heir. And guess who that is.
:'''Noah Nixon''': You and your brother?
:'''Rex Salazar''': Oh, yeah, right. Him too.
:'''Caesar Salazar''': Not a good time, Rex.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Dude, it's never a good time, but you go to-- O...kay, so maybe this really isn't a good time, but this is important. I was being chased by a lawyer. No, I wasn't being sued this time. But you'll never guess what he--
:'''Caesar Salazar''': Is this about the rancho?
:'''Rex Salazar''': You know about it?
:'''Caesar Salazar''': Those lawyers have left me a dozen messages.
:'''Rex Salazar''': And you didn't tell me? Caesar, I never even knew we had this place! There might be photo albums, home movies-- I don't know-- maybe even an old teddy bear or something.
:'''Caesar Salazar''': You never had a teddy bear.
:'''Rex Salazar''': See, the fact that you know that and I don't-- that's why we need to go down there.
:'''Lawyer''': Clear!
:'''Caesar Salazar''': I can't, Rex. My work's already been interrupted once today. Although... Now that you mention the ranch, it does bring back some memories.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Really? Like what?
:'''Caesar Salazar''': There was an experiment I remember mom and dad running. If you could find the notes, it might save some time on the work I'm doing now.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Notes? Come on. Isn't family more important than-- Guess not.
:''[Rex sighs]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Why can't I have a normal brother? Know anything about cows? Thanks for coming with me. This is really a family thing, but my brother is, well-- My brother. 
:'''Noah Nixon''': Are you kidding? I'm psyched! I've been killing myself trying to find a birthday present for Claire. A vacation at my best friend's awesome ancestral estate? What other guy could offer her that?
:'''Rex Salazar''': Okay, but then why bring Annie?
:'''Annie''': Um, this just kind of broke off.
:''[Annie, Claire and Noah screaming]''
:'''Noah Nixon''': AAAAAAH!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': I sure hope this isn't included in Six's &quot;You break it, you buy it&quot; policy.
:'''Annie''': Sorry.
:'''Rex Salazar''': No problem. We're here.
:'''Claire Bowman''': Are... you sure this is the place?
:'''Noah Nixon''': What happened to it?
:'''Annie''': Hey, don't look at me. I just got there.
:''[Annie gasps]''
:'''Annie''': Okay, that was me.
:'''Rex Salazar''': I guess this must be my... family.
:'''Claire Bowman''': Looks like you-- But with a 'stache.
:'''Annie''': I like you with a 'stache.
:'''Claire Bowman''': Hey, there are chickens in here!
:'''Annie''': And llamas!
:'''Noah Nixon''': Chicken, llamas-- And a funny-looking bull.
:''[Chiquito snorts]''
:'''Noah Nixon''': I-I-I take it back! You're not funny-looking!
:'''Chiquito''': This place is Durango's!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Well, actually--
:'''Chuquito''': No fancy talk! Just go!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Ugh! Okay, number one, how is &quot;actually&quot; fancy talk! Number two, I don't know who Durango is, but this farm isn't his. And number three--
:''[Chiquito grunts]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Ugh! Ugh! All right, there's no misunderstanding the international language of getting punched in the face. So read my fist-- Get out of my house!
:'''Chiquito''': Durango will not be happy!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Okay, don't know who that guy was, but problem solved.
:'''Noah Nixon''': Uh, you think? Aah!
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Senior Durango''': Calmate, Chiquito. You are my brother. I would not do anything to hurt mi hermano. Unless you force me to. I cannot lose that tract of land. Without its right of way, I will lose my claim on the rest of the county. But never mind. They will learn-- When you mess with the bull, you get the horns.
:'''Rex Salazar''': OHHH! Ugh!
:'''Noah Nixon''': A chicken just tried to poop on my shoe!
:'''Rex Salazar''': I think I can top you there.
:'''Noah Nixon''': No offense, but when I asked Claire to come here, this wasn't what I was hoping for.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Well, me either. I mean, I was thinking I'd find-- I don't know what. But everything in this place has been smashed or stolen. Maybe this whole family thing isn't for me.
:''[Noah gasps]''
:'''Noah Nixon''': That's the one!
:'''Claire Bowman''': Please, Noah. It just needed a little help laying an egg.
:'''Rex Salazar''': ''[Chuckling]'' What, did you grow up on a farm in Kansas?
:'''Claire Bowman''': An apartment in Chicago-- Which is where I learned to download videos onto my phone.
:'''Telephone Voice''': When caring for an egg bearing hen, remember to--
:'''Muchado''': Hola? Quien esta aquí?
:'''Rex Salazar''': Uh... hello?
:'''Muchado''': So, you are the Americans? I am Señor Muchado-- The juez.
:'''Claire Bowman''': That's like a judge?
:'''Muchado''': Sí. For all intents and purposes, I am the law in this county-- Which is why I have come here with him.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Good, because I definitely want to press charges.
:'''Muchado''': You misunderstand. I am here because of the trouble you caused for Chiquito.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Chiquito?
:''[Rex chuckles]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Your mom must have some sense of humor to name you &quot;Tiny&quot;.
:''[Chiquito growls]''
:'''Muchado''': Chiquito's brother is Señor Durango. He controls most of the land in this county, including this hacienda. At Señor Durango's request, I have prepared a legal order compelling you to vacate.
:'''Claire Bowman''': But this is Rex's farm.
:'''Annie''': Yeah, he's got a deed and everything.
:'''Muchado''': This might have some bearing-- If you were a Salazar.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Well, we're in luck. I am.
:'''Annie''': Maybe this will help.
:'''Muchado''': You may be a Salazar, but by our law, this land has been deemed abandoned, and Señor Durango has claimed it.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Sorry. Been sort of busy saving the world and stuff. But I'm here now, so consider his claim unclaimed, then reclaimed by me.
:'''Muchado''': It is not so simple. You would have to demonstrate you are actively maintaining the ranch. That means shearing and feeding the animals, bringing your bulls to market--
:'''Rex Salazar''': To market? What, like a... cattle drive?
:'''Claire Bowman''': No problem. We can totally figure out how to do that.
:'''Muchado''': A ranch this size requires at least a dozen hired men.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Okay, just... uh...
:'''Muchado''': No one within 100 kilometers will help you cross Señor Durango. If you do this, you will do it alone. And you will fail.
:'''Claire Bowman''': Well, that guy was kind of a jerk.
:'''Annie''': Yeah. So, let's get to work.
:'''Noah Nixon''': How? Everything here is broken.
:'''Annie''': Uh, have you seen my house?
:'''Rex Salazar''': You guys don't have to do this.
:'''Claire Bowman''': What kind of friend would walk away now?
:'''Noah Nixon''': Uh... yeah! No way you could stop me from helping take care of these totally not-gross animals. 
:'''Rex Salazar''': Really?
:'''Noah Nixon''': Well, I'm smiling like that's what I mean, aren't?
:''[Noah exhales deeply]''
:'''Noah Nixon''': I can do this! I can't do this. Until I've done my milking warm-up.
:'''Claire Bowman''': Ugh. Hold this.
:'''Telephone Voice''': With you head resting on her flank, gently grasp the udder with the palm of your hand.
:'''Noah Nixon''': AAH!
:''[Claire giggles]''
:'''Claire Bowman''': I think she likes you.
:'''Noah Nixon''': Ugh!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': This is your home. Get in your home!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Whoa! AAAH! AAH! Ugh! This is hopeless! This farm only has one bull, and I can't even get it into the barn. And this... better just be mud.
:'''Annie''': Hang on! I'll help you!
:''[Annie gasps]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': No! Don't!
:'''Noah Nixon''': Are you guys okay?
:'''Claire Bowman''': What is it? A storm cellar?
:'''Noah Nixon''': Looks like some kind of lab.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Figures. My mom and dad were Caesar's parents, too. Of course they'd find a way to take work home with them. Probably where those notes Caesar wanted are. Might as well grab them before the judge kicks us out.
:'''Claire Bowman''': What's he talking about? I think we're doing a pretty good job taking care of the--
:'''Annie''': Uh, guys--
:''[Claire grunts]''
:'''Claire Bowman''': Wait-- Donkeys eat hay, don't they? Maybe we can use it to lure them back into the barn.
:'''Annie''': I got it! Ugh!
:''[Annie gasps]''
:'''Noah Nixon''': Well, on the plus side, at least we now know for sure that donkeys do eat hay.
:'''Rafael Salazar''': One day, these things are going to change the world, and you'll be there to see it.
:'''Violetta Salazar''': ''[chuckling]'' Caesar, please, mi hijo. Stop working for a minute and hold the camera.
:'''Young Caesar Salazar''': Okay! Okay!
:''[Claire sniffs]''
:'''Claire Bowman''': What's that smell?
:'''Noah Nixon''': Which one? Everything here smells.
:'''Claire Bowman''': No, it smells like... smoke!
:'''Annie''': Rex! The straw caught on fire, and it exploded!
:''[Chiquito growls]''
:'''Chiquito''': Hermano! No! Oomph!
:'''Senior Durango''': What were you thinking? I told you to smoke them out, not burn the land! This is my land! If you weren't my brother--
:''[Chiquito growls]''
:'''Senior Durango''': But you are. Come here.
:'''Rex Salazar''': So, you must be the brother. Hope I'm not interrupting some kind of weird tender moment.
:'''Senior Durango''': Soy Durango. And I hope there is still a chance we can reach a resonable agreement.
:'''Claire Bowman''': So, then you'll let Rex keep the farm? We played by the rules.
:'''Senior Durango''': Around here, I make the rules.
:'''Annie''': But the judge said--
:'''Senior Durango''': The judge works for me. Now, please, I'm giving you one last chance to leave.
:'''Noah Nixon''': Okay, sure! Oh, wait-- That's right. Your fire blew up what was left of our plane!
:'''Rex Salazar''': Uh, let me handle the trash-talking with the 20-foot-tall monster EVO, okay? Leave them out of this! They shouldn't even be here! It should have been my brother!
:'''Senior Durango''':  That is why you will lose your farm. Without family, a man is nothing. After all, what is this land to them?
:'''Rex Salazar''': I don't even know what this place is to me. I came here hoping to find out more about who my family is.
:''[Rex start looking at Noah, Claire and Annie, and smile to them]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': And I did. So, you're going to stop threatening them-- And me-- And get off my land.
:''[Durango snarls]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Okay. Here's the plan-- Stay behind me! Whoa! Ugh!
:'''Noah Nixon''': Well, there goes that plan.
:'''Senior Durango''': Hurt them. You can do that, can't you?
:'''Claire Bowman''': W-what do we do now?!
:'''Annie''': The only one of us with powers just got kicked to the curb.
:'''Noah Nixon''': That depends on what you mean by &quot;powers&quot;.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:''[Rex muffled grunting]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Not a good time, Caesar.
:'''Caesar Salazar''': I just wanted to tell you-- Forget about those notes. I realized that's not what's important about you going down there.
:''[Durango snarls]''
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Wow, Caesar. I can't believe you came around.
:'''Caesar Salazar''': I just realized-- The really important thing is, if you happen to find a termo-chronometer I remember having down there, it would save me from ordering one.
:''[Chiquito snarls]''
:''[Chiquito growls]''
:''[Chiquito snarls, roars]''
:'''Noah Nixon''': Ugh!
:''[Chiquito snorts]''
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:[''On videotape of the Salazar family]''
:'''Rafael Salazar''': One day these things are going to change the world and you'll be there to see it.
:'''Violetta Salazar''': Cesar, please miquito. Stop working for a minute and hold the camera.
:'''Young Caesar Salazar''': Okay, okay.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Noah Nixon''': This morning, I almost had to touch a cow's underparts. You think you can do me worse than that? Bring it.
:''[Chiquito snarls]''
:''[Chiquito roars]''
:'''Annie''': Ugh! I didn't mean for that to happen.
:'''Claire Bowman''': We did.
:'''Rex Salazar''': AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Ugh! AAAAAAAAAAARGH!
:'''Senior Durango''': OOMPH!
:''[Durango lows]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': WH-O-O-O-O-O-O O-OA!
:''[Durango lows]''
:''[Durango snorts]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': AAAAAAAAH!
:''[Durango growls]''
:''[Durango growls]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': Trust me-- My brother's let me down way worse. But what am I gonna do? He's my brother.
:'''Senior Durango''': It is over.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Nice ego there, but I've been hit a lot harder.
:''[Durango spits]''
:'''Senior Durango''': Those bells signal the market is ending soon. I can see you have yet to herd you cattle there.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Oh, come on! The one cattle I've got doesn't even move!
:'''Senior Durango''': If you do not have your cattle to market before it ends, you will have failed to fulfill your deed, and this land will be mine.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Then I guess I don't have any time to waste talking about it.
:'''Claire Bowman''': Come on. Come here.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Forget it. I got this.
:'''Claire Bowman''': WHOO-HOO! Yes! Go, Rex!
:''[Rex grunting]''
:'''Claire Bowman''': Where's Durango?
:'''Rex Salazar''': OWW! Come on! You don't move the whole time, and you can't stay still?
:''[Durango grunting]''
:'''Noah Nixon''': What is this, a western? You're actually trying to stop him with a rockslide?
:'''Senior Durango''': You? Here? How is that even possible?
:'''Telephone Voice''': Donkeys can be ridden surprinsingly fast if you--
:'''Noah Nixon''': Come on! Just give up! The farm belong to Rex. And I really want to get off this thing.
:'''Senior Durango''': You think I'm afraid of you ''[scoffs]'' boy?
:'''Claire Bowman''': Oh, it's not the boy you should be afraid of.
:'''Annie''': Oops.
:''[Durango grunting]''
:'''Senior Durango''': Ugh!
:''[Rex panting]''
:'''Rex Salazar''': We sheared the llamas, we milked the cows, I got the bull to town. We did everything in the deed.
:'''Muchado''': Sí, sí. But more important, you faced Durango and won! Once the other ranchers hear of this, they won't be afraid. You have broken Durango's hold on our lands.
:'''Rex Salazar''': Wait-- You're... happy about that?
:'''Muchado''': Of course. I told you exactly what you had to do to legally gain control of the land, didn't I?
:'''Rex Salazar''': Huh. I guess you did.
:'''Claire Bowman''': Wow! Can you believe how you perfect this all worked out?
:'''Noah Nixon''': Yeah, uh, so, maybe we should get out of here before we wear out our welcome.
:'''Rex Salazar''': There's just one thing I want to do first.

===The Rescue===
:''Note'': Rex goes alone to rescue his girlfriend Circe from the clutches of Black Knight. but it turns out she has been waiting for him.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;

===Alone Together===
:''Note'': Finally together at last, Rex and Circe reminiscence about their good and hard times together ans their romance begins to grow.
===Retribution===
===Temporary Insanity===

===Crime and Punishment===
:''Note:'' His false insanity revealed, Van Kleiss abducts Circe with the intent of punishing her for betraying him, due to her enduring love for Rex.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Now, Circe, you shall learn the ultimate price of betraying me.
:'''Rex:''' ''Leave her alone!!''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Oh, Rex. For young love. One of your greatest weaknesses. After I finish off your beloved, you will no longer be a hindrance to me. 
:'''Rex''' (''enraged'')''':''' I ''said''...LEAVE HER ALONE!!!
&lt;hr width80%&gt;

===Shadowed Past===

===Separation Anxiety===
===Brotherly Love===

===Rocky My World===
:'''Beverly:''' Oh, this is so awesome! We're seeing the Trendbenders live!
:'''Rex:''' Well, maybe not see them, but we'll totally hear them.
:'''Sebastian''': Attention! The Trendbenders will be arriving through the back of the club.
:'''Beverly:''' Slick trick! Yes, Rebecca. I know! Only drink the bottled water. No, we're not that close to the stage. Ugh! I know that's where they mosh-pit. Don't worry! Bye!
:'''Rex:''' Your sister is acting like your mother. I wouldn't put up with it. Doc?! I'm right next to her! Yes, we've got earplugs. Only bottled water-- I know! Yes, you'll pick us up at 11:00. Okay! Bye!
:'''Sly:''' ''[singing]'' I met a guy who has looking for a lucky break. I met a guy mad he wouldn't make a mistake. No loser here the weight would be upon his face. This ain't no lucky break it's just another day.
:'''Beverly:''' Hey!
:'''Rex:''' There's something wrong with that guy.
:'''Beverly:''' Yeah! It's called lack of social skills.
:'''Sebastian:''' We have to talk! You got to listen to me!
:'''Rex:''' I think they're a little too busy for a chat right now.
:'''Sebastian:''' It's me! Your first fan!
:'''Rex:''' Come on, dude. Can't you just watch the show, like everyone else?
:'''Sly:''' ''[singing]'' You won't bring me down. Yeah-yeah-yeah. You won't bring me down.
:'''Sebastian:''' I'm not just everyone else.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Sebastian:''' You want to rethink trying to stop me?
:'''Beverly:''' Whoa! Geek in triplicate!
:'''Rex:''' More like EVO geek.
:'''Sebastian:''' I bet you're not even a real fan!
:'''Rex:''' Hey, I know their music!
:'''Sebastian:''' Yeah? What album is &quot;Bitten on the Wind&quot; from?
:'''Beverly:''' Uh, their first album.
:'''Sebastian:''' Wrong! Their third! Poser!
:'''Sly:''' Here's one from our first album-- &quot;Bitten on the Wind.&quot;
:'''Beverly:''' Told ya! Their first album! Who's the poser now?
:'''Sebastian:''' But it is their third. They keep denying their first two albums exist!
:'''Rex:''' Huh?
:''[Rex bones cracking]''
:'''Rex:''' Shouldn't you be home, making sure your mom isn't snooping around your basement? Ouch! All right, I've had enough.
:'''Sebastian:''' I know you. You're that guy from Providence that beats up on EVOs.
:'''Rex:''' And I'm guessing you're not one of my fans.
:'''Sebastian:''' This isn't over! They still need me to show them the way back. I'll make them listen to me.. No matter what! Ugh!
:'''Man:''' No re-entry without a hand stamp.
:'''Rex:''' Uh, but--
:'''JoJo:''' It's okay. He's with me. I'm JoJo, the band's manager.
:'''Beverly:''' Oh! Sly Tyler, vocals, six-stringer. Burrito Beau on the big bottom, and Leon Adler on the skins.
:'''Beau:''' Bass. Drums.
:'''Beverly:''' They're even cutter up close!
:'''JoJo:''' But Sebastian isn't. And now that fruitcake fan has become a major menace.
:'''Rex:''' You know who that guy is?
:'''Sly:''' Yeah, he's one of our first fans from way back.
:'''Leon:''' But he didn't like our change in music direction.
:'''Beau:''' Change, like in popular.
:'''Sly:''' So he started sending us nasty e-mails and slagging us on the fan sites.
:'''JoJo:''' But now he's turned violent, and it turns out he's... H-he's...
:'''Rex:''' An EVO that can multiply himself.
:'''JoJo:''' We can't handle that kind of threat, but you can.
:'''Beverly:''' Is this a job offer?
:'''JoJo:''' As head of security for the rest of the tour.
:'''Rex:''' Huh, I don't know. Putting up with groupies, great music, catering, the Rock'n'roll lifestyle-- Oh, right, like I'm not totally in for this!
:'''Beverly:''' And I'm your deputy, sheriff.
:'''Sly:''' Absolutely.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Absolutely not.
:'''Rex:''' They've got an EVO threat.
:''[Dr. Holiday sighs]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Fine, Rex. Beverly? And don't forget to use earplugs.
:'''Rex:''' Private jet to the next gig? Airline-- First class? Coach?
:'''JoJo:''' Of the road kind.
:'''Rex:''' Traveling the open road, bringing music to the people. Where to next?
:'''Beau:''' Eugene, Oregon. ''[Unenthusiastically]'' WHOO-HOO!
:'''Rex:''' Ow!
:'''Leon:''' Bad seat. Got a lot of them.
:''[Beau farts]''
:''[Rex sniffs]''
:'''Leon and Rex:''' Oh!
:''[Leon coughs]''
:'''Leon:''' Isn't the ozone layer depleted enough, Beau?
:'''Rex:''' Want to hit the streets and check out the local scene?
:'''Sly:''' Seriously, man? It's just another town.
:'''Beau:''' Been there. Seen them all.
:'''TV Announcer:''' He's currently under 3, 2 behind the leader. This is a very tricky--
:'''Rex:''' Oh, let's throw this in the pool!
:'''Leon:''' Hey, I'm watching something, dude!
:'''Rex:''' How about a food fight?
:'''Sly:''' Sorry, man. Not feeling it.
:'''Rex:''' This isn't feeling very Rock'n'Roll.
:'''JoJo:''' Rex, we hired you to consult on security, not rock-tour clichés.
:'''Sebastian:''' Room service.
:'''JoJo:''' Again? You guys, this is costing too much.
:'''Sly:''' But we didn't order anything else.
:'''Sebastian:''' That's okay. This is on the house!
:''[Sebastian grunts]''
:''[JoJo gasps]''
:'''Rex:''' Look out! He's got... Paperwork?
:'''Sebastian:''' I've got notes and visuals on where you've gone commercial and how you can get back to your roots! He's with the band now? He's not even a real fan! You see? You've got to come with me. You need my help!
:'''Rex:''' They're not going anywhere, but you are!
:'''Sebastian:''' My copies don't feel pain.
:'''Rex:''' But you do!
:'''Girl:''' Whoa! You must really be a big fan!
:'''Sebastian:''' Only of their early stuff.
:'''Girl:''' Eww! Their early stuff is weak.
:'''Teen girl:''' But their new songs are awesome!
:''[Girls giggling]''
:''[Sebastian growls]''
:''[Girls screaming]''
:'''Rex:''' Excuse me. I'm with the band.
:'''Teen girl:''' But you missed your ride.
:'''Rex:''' That's okay. I've got my own.
:'''Man:''' Rock bands! Never again!
:'''Sebastian:''' I've got to take you away from this sellout existence, where you deny your first two albums even exist.
:'''Sly:''' B-but those albums weren't any good. That's why we only had a few fans, like you.
:'''Rex:''' If there's only three of them, then who's driving the car?
:'''Sebastian:''' Aah!
:'''Rex:''' Did he... Ah! Rent that car from the circus? Time to cut this act short.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Sebastian:''' Oh, man. I went to my first Trendbenders show in that car.
:'''Rex:''' Maybe I can't turn off your obsession, but I can shut down your nanites.
:'''Beau:''' That clone-boy?
:'''Rex:''' I don't think he's going to be a problem now.
:'''JoJo:''' We can still use you on the tour. What did you say?
:'''Rex:''' Yes!
:'''Sly:''' Good man! ''[singing]'' You see the light, and it's oh, so bright, a million times more than before, now we'll show you the door, some starts fade, and some starts shine, the bright ones stand the test of time, the others burn out and sing, &quot;yeah, we almost made it&quot;, &quot;yeah, but we're overrated&quot;, kill your radio, you live a life for all to see, sometimes it's right, sometimes obscene, now you're the enemy, it's one for all and all for me, unlocking doors and misery, the others burn out and sing, &quot;yeah, we almost made it&quot;, &quot;yeah, but we're overrated&quot;, out of time, kill your radio, &quot;yeah, we almost made it&quot;, &quot;yeah, but we're overrated&quot;, out of time, kill your radio, out of time, kill your radio, out of time, kill your radio, out of time, kill your radio, it isn't all, that it's cracked up to be, I never thought it'd be so easy, I wouldn't have it any other way, you see the light, and it's oh, so bright, a million times more than before, now we'll show you the door, some starts fade, and some starts shine, the bright ones stand the test of time, the others burn out and sing, &quot;yeah, we almost made it&quot;, &quot;yeah, but we're overrated&quot;, out of time, kill your radio, &quot;yeah, we almost made it&quot;, &quot;yeah, but we're overrated&quot;, out of time, kill your radio, &quot;yeah&quot;.
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Sly:''' At least we got a day off before the next gig.
:'''JoJo:''' Guys, a club owner in fleeceburg just offered us amazing money. I booked it.
:'''Rex:''' For when?
:'''JoJo:''' We're already running late.
:'''Sly:''' They're paying money for us to play in this dump?
:'''JoJo:''' Big money. Come on. You're on in ten minutes.
:'''Rex:''' I'm guessing ticket sales are a little slow.
:'''Leon:''' Are we breaking up?
:'''Beau:''' This dive seems awfully familiar.
:'''Sebastian:''' It should.
:'''Rex:''' That voice seems awfully familiar!
:'''Teens:''' Dude! Nobody move! What's going on? Who's touching me? What is this? Excuse me. What is going on?
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Sebastian:''' I built an exact replica of the first club you played in.
:'''Beau:''' Hey, that's one of my puke stains. Fruitcake knows his details.
:'''Rex:''' But I cured you.
:'''Sebastian:''' Hmm... That was a copy, not the original.
:'''Sly:''' Whatever. When's this gonna end, fan-boy?
:'''Sebastian:''' It ends tonight. Check the floor at your feet.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Sebastian:''' I've given up trying to get you back to your roots. So now you'll play what I want to hear for the next hour. And then your career ends with a bang. :'''Sly:''' On behalf of the band, I'd like to thank our manager, JoJo, for booking this totally insane gig!
:''[JoJo laughs nervously]''
:'''Sebastian:''' The sound of cold, hard cash is the only music sellouts like you listen to anymore.
:'''Rex:''' They're not sellouts. They just got more popular than you wanted.
:'''Sebastian:''' You try anything, and I'll end their last gig prematurely. You're only alive because I want you to see what the Trendbenders used to be like. For the next hour give me the early stuff, when you were cool.
:'''Sly:''' Why bother? You're gonna nuke us, anyway.
:'''Sebastian:''' Because if you don't play, this happens!
:'''Sly:''' Aah!
:'''Leon, Sly and Beau:''' No more!
:'''Sly:''' Okay, dude, what's the first number?
:'''Sebastian:''' &quot;Crawling undertow&quot;!
:'''Sly:''' Well, how does it feel?
:'''Sebastian:''' First album, seventh song. Fifth song on the Japanese import.
:'''Sly:''' To get that weight back on our shoulders--
:'''Sebastian:''' You're giving it a beat that wasn't in the original, man! Not even in the remix from the box set. Play it right this time! I'm missing the concert because of you!
:'''Rex:''' Stinks to be you. Got to cure the real Sebastian. But which one is the mother ship?
:'''Sebastian:''' You can't even play your old songs like you used to. Total disappointment. Let's end this bummer concert.
:'''Sly:''' But we still have over a half-hour left!
:'''Sebastian:''' Last song, no encore.
:'''Rex:''' Tell me who's the original, or I'll turn you into dessert topping!
:'''Sebastian:''' You don't scare me. I don't feel pain.
:'''Rex:''' But the real Sebastian does. Sly! Maximum feedback! Now! Thanks, Doc.
:'''Sebastian''': AAAHHHH!
:'''Rex:''' How do you like their new hit, Sebastian Prime? Here's another new groove you're not going to like.
:'''Sebastian:''' Aah!
:'''Rex:''' Congrats. You're back to being a solo act.
:'''Sebastian:''' You've got to listen to me!
:''[Sebastian yelling]''
:'''Rex:''' Kidnapping, assault and battery, construction without a permit-- that should keep him away for years.
:'''JoJo:''' Have to say it, guys, but we've got a gig in toledo to get to. Security?
:'''Rex:''' Not anymore. Sebastian's done, and so am I.
:'''Sly:''' Dude, I thought you wanted the rock'n'roll lifestyle.
:'''Rex:''' I'm not tough enough for it. I need to get back to something easier, like city-smashing EVOs and conspiracies to take over the world.
:'''Beau:''' Don't know what your missing.
:'''Rex:''' I think do. But I don't miss this. Yes, doc? Don't need my earplugs anymore. I quit. Will you let me tell you? No, the EVO threat wasn't just an excuse. Well, I'm coming back! Will you let-- Doc!

===Lost and Found===

===My Brother's Keeper===

===Target: the Consortium===
: '''Jungle Cat:''' You are...?
: '''Rex:''' Rex. Rex Salazar. What are you?
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Lost... and found.
: '''Rex:''' HUNH! AAAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
: ''[Rex gasps deeply]''
: '''Rex:''' Whoa. That was a total zero on the fun meter.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Learning how to communicate with the nanite world isn't about fun. Did you get anywhere at all?
: '''Rex:''' Don't know. I connected with a Master Control Nanite for a second, and then I lost it. But I also got, like, this feeling that something's about to happen in the nanite world. Something... big.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' Argh! This is Rylander's speciality, not mine. There's no way I can cover for him.
: '''Caesar:''' Not to worry, Dr. Meechum. You won't have to any longer. Dr. Rylander will take over from here.
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' Oh, really, Caesar? From his current location of beyond the grave?
: '''Rylander:''' Actually, Peter, I was never completely dead-- just spread a little thin-- ''[chuckling]'' Moleculary speaking. Caesar's been working on putting me back together.
: '''Black Knight:''' All of them together-- At last. Contact the Consortium. We now have something to show them. Something big.
: '''White Knight:''' Even having two of the Master Control Nanites doesn't change the vital importance of finding the other three. But the latest intel I've received could give us a way to neutralize the group obsessed with these machines.
: '''Six:''' The Consortium.
: '''Rex:''' Aren't those the money guys that bankrolled the Nanite Project in Providence?
: '''White Knight:''' The same. Formerly made-up of six members, but now five-- Reddick, made his wealth in real estate and construction. Vostock, black market finance and KGB... Zanubian, arms dealing and shipping. Roswell, oil and minerals. Anthony Haden-Scott, worldwide media.
: ''[Rex munches]''
: '''Rex:''' Should we be writing this down for the pop quiz later?
: '''White Knight:''' You may be facing them soon because of the efforts of our stealthiest agent.
: '''Rex:''' Mm! Thank you! I think.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' He's not talking about you.
: '''Rex:''' Hey! It's Evo-cat guy! Uh... sorry-- What's your name? O...kay, cat with no collar, what's in the sack? Bunch of canaries? Well, that's... something.
: '''White Knight:''' Our associate has been tracking the Consortium with a little help from a former member.
: '''Rex:''' I remember him! He's the one Rylander got revenge on with an EVO love letter.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' That he never recovered from. But he's still full of useful knowledge about the other members.
: '''Rex:''' As long as you have a towel handy for the answers.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' The Consortium has financed a new facility for nanite research. All of them will be at that location within the next six hours.
: '''Six:''' And so will we.
: '''White Knight:''' A rare opportunity like this can't be missed. You three will capture the Consortium and bring them to a secure location. Understood?
: '''Rex:''' Purrfectly.
: '''Black Knight:''' Gentlemen, I wanted you here today to--
: '''Reddick:''' &quot;Wanted?&quot; Sounds like a command.
: '''Vostok:''' ''[Russian accent]'' You get to ask, not order.
: '''Black Knight:''' I'm sorry. Let me restate. I asked you here because I can now present some major developments in your quest. I finished construction on the nanite reactor and reassembled against all odds the original science team to run it. Doctors Meechum, systems expert. Salazar, artificial intelligence. Rylander, microengineering. And Van Kleiss, biomechanical integration.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Nanite's recorder locked in. Hologram Rylander saves money on meals. Glow, glow, glow, yipper.
: ''[Van Kleiss smooches]''
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' A human flashlight and a brain-fried babbler. This is what I'm supposed to work with.
: '''Vostok:''' Looks like your geniuses have some issues.
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' ''[British accent]'' I seem to recall there were two other Salazars on the team.
: '''Black Knight:''' They're dead-- And just as well. Considering their actions are responsible for our setbacks, I highly doubt they would have cooperated.
: ''[Jungle Cat snarls]''
: '''Black Pawns:''' Ohh!
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Rex:''' Black Pawns got to talk to their costume designer. Way too stuffy.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Be quiet.
: '''Six:''' Our target?
: '''Roswell:''' ''[Southern accent]'' Little lady, I'm hoping you didn't get me out here just to watch some lab jockeys do their homework.
: '''Vostok:''' I know I've got better things to do.
: '''Black Knight:''' Aside from the all-important reassembly of the science team and activation of the nanite reactor, I do have another development to show you.
: '''Roswell:''' Yeah? What else you got?
: '''Black Knight:''' An acquisition.
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Lost... and found.
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Jungle Cat:''' What's wrong with you?
: '''Rex:''' Forget the Consortium! I know where we can find a Master-Control Nanite.
: '''Six:''' Where?
: '''Rex''': Here.
: '''Six:''' We're doing both. You two get the nanite, I'll get the Consortium.
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' On of the five? That's all?
: '''Reddick:''' You know we need all of the Master-Control Nanites to do us any good.
: '''Vostok:''' What about the two you lost? And the other two still out there?
: '''Black Knight:''' We'll have the other four in due time. Take this back to the vault. But remember that each one has its own useful powers. : '''Roswell:''' Not enough to drag me all the way out there, little lady.
: '''Black Knight:''' &quot;Black Knight&quot;.
: '''Black Pawns:''' You're not one of us.
: '''Six:''' Stay clear of the Pawns. They're not buying our cover. Repeat-- Stay clear of the Pawns.
: '''Rex:''' Steel door. A vault!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Jungle Cat:''' That was close.
: '''Rex:''' Got it. Have to be as stealthy as you from now on.
: ''[Jungle Catsnarls]''
: ''[Jungle Cat snarling]''
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Van Kleiss!
: ''[Jungle Cat muffled grunting]''
: '''Rex:''' Way not to be stealthy. Sorry, cat guy. I know you want payback for him turning you into stone and all, but the nanite is more important.
: '''Black Pawns:''' Security alert. Intruder.
: ''[Jungle Cat snarls]''
: '''Jungle Cat:''' You find the nanite. I'll be a diversion.
&lt;hr width80%&gt;
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' She has shown us some progress. That one nanite is significant in itself.
: '''Reddick:''' It's all five or nothing. Or are you thinking of working a separate deal with the one?
: '''Vostok:''' Can we please not talk like this while those two are in the room?
: '''Roswell:''' Yeah, Xanubian, put a sock in all your yammerin'.
: '''Black Pawns:''' Another intruder at security zone three. It's Agent Six.
: '''Rex:''' Gotcha.
: '''Black Pawns:''' Unh! Aah!
: '''Rex:''' I'll take that. Six! I've got the nanite!
: '''Six:''' Meet your outside.
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: ''[Jungle Cat snarls]''
: '''Rex:''' I've got it! Let's scat, cat!
: '''Black Knight:''' If he's here-- So is Rex. Vault security, come in.
: '''Reddick:''' Is there a problem?
: '''Black Knight:''' A minor security issue. I'm taking care of it.
: '''Vostok:''' ''[Russian accent]'' You better, little lady.
: '''Rex:''' Well, mission half accomplished.
: '''Six:''' This should complete it.
: '''Rex:''' You planted a bomb?!
: '''Six:''' Plan &quot;B&quot;.
: '''Rex:''' The cat! He's still inside! No!! We've got to go back for the cat! He's on his own mission. Van Kleiss is there.
: '''Six:''' Understood.
: '''Black Pawns:''' Black Knight, shouldn't we evacuate?
: '''Black Knight:''' The security threat has been removed. Among other things. Track them, find them.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Interlace template, instal copper buffers, hold the mayo, set core temp, heat cold fries.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Remember me?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Someone let the cat in.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' You cast me aside as if I was garbage. Turned me to stone. Drained me of life-- Almost. Now it's your turn to suffer.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Had a kitty once. Not you. Bubbles liked catnip and parsnips. Chapped lips. Hip, hip, hooray!
: ''[Jungle Cat growls]''
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' If you're here to clean up, ask for directions, not Dr. Screwloose.
: '''Rex:''' Ugh! Meechum. Bro. He's here to put Van Kleiss out of the world's misery. Give me a reason why he shouldn't.
: ''[Jungle Cat growls]''
: '''Rylander:''' Because the world needs him right now, Rex.
: '''Rex:''' Dr. Rylander! How did you--
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Rex:''' You got it to work.
: '''Rylander:''' I've looked better, I'll admit, but I'm still very much alive. And so happy to see you again.
: '''Rex:''' If you could bring him back--
: '''Caesar:''' Sorry, Rex. It won't work for mom and dad.
: '''Rex:''' So, you've come back-- But you're working for them! It seems crazy, I know, but look at our progress-- The nanite reactor is almost operational.
: '''Rex:''' Not if I destroy it.
: '''Black Knight:''' Surround them.
: '''Caesar:''' Trust me, hermano, We're doing the right thing.
: '''Rex:''' You keep saying that, but I don't believe it anymore!
: ''[Jungle Cat snarls]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Bubbles, I'm sorry. Here, kitty, kitty. Left you out in the rain, rain go away--
: ''[Jungle Cat snarls]''
: ''[Jungle Cat snarling]''
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Ugh! Easy on the hot sauce, Peter, Peter pumpkin two seater.
: '''Rylander:''' Tell him, Caesar.
: '''Rex:''' Tell me what?
: '''Six:''' Revenge time is up.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Jungle Cat snarls]''
: ''[Jungle Cat roars]''
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' Aah! Careful! Our work! Ugh! Take it outside!
: '''Rex:''' Ugh!
: ''[Rex grunting]''
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Rex. Rex Salazar.
: '''Rex:''' I can't talk now! Ugh!
: '''Black Knight:''' Thank you.
: '''Rex:''' You're so not welcome.
: '''Black Knight:''' You should have left when you had the chance.
: ''[Black Knight grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' You guys have such a great cafeteria.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Had to come back for more.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Aah! Unh!
: '''Six:''' Unh!
: ''[Black Knight grunting]''
: '''Black Knight:''' Unh!
: '''Six:''' UNNNNNNNNH!
: '''Black Knight:''' Ugh!
: ''[Jungle Cat snarls]''
: '''Rex:''' Let's say adiós.
: '''Six:''' There's still plan &quot;B&quot;.
: '''Rex:''' We're not assassins.
: '''Six:''' You're not. This might be our one chance.
: '''Rex:''' To be like them? Then what makes us different?
: '''Six:''' Go. I'm right behind you.
: '''Roswell:''' You brought us into an ambush! Right behind you, Mr. Chatterbox.
: '''Vostok:''' You are cowards.
: '''Reddick:''' Graveyards are full of dummies that thought they were though.
: '''Vostok:''' Black Knight, we have a lot to discuss about your future.
: '''Black Knight:''' By all means, let's talk.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Where's Six?
: '''Rex:''' He said he was right behind us.
: '''Six:''' I am. The Consortium still has to be dealt with.
: '''Rex:''' We now have three Master Control Nanites. I'd say the Consortium has to deal with us.
: '''Six:''' Understood.
: '''Jungle Cat:''' Purrfectly.
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' I'm shocked. What happened?
: '''Black Knight:''' It seems Vostok had an unfortunate run-in with our intruders as he was leaving. But, there's good news. The reactor is gone. Soon we will have all the nanites we need.
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' &quot;We&quot;?
: '''Black Knight:''' I think it's time we walked about my promotion.

===Convergence===
===Enter the Nanite World===

===Enemies Mine===
: '''Valve:''' Battle is to be waged between your courage and my power. You lose.
: '''Gatlocke:''' Valve, my friend. Lovely day for a riot, don't you think?
: '''Valve:''' What do you want, Gatlocke?
: '''Gatlocke:''' I want lots of things-- A doomsday weapon, my own private island, for my mom to stop calling me to fix her computer. But what I really want is to give you a message. It's time. I suppose I'll make the introductions.
: '''Valve:''' A biker needs no introduction. And everyone knows Hunter Cain.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Everything is going according to plan. We get one more thing. Then we get wrecked.
: '''Rex:''' Sorry we're late.
: '''Bobo:''' We're not late. We're fashionably early.
: '''Providence Agent:''' I was starting to think I was on my own. I've been calling for help, but  Providence hasn't answered.
: '''Six:''' What set this off?
: '''Providence Agent:''' No idea. One moment everything was fine. The next moment, complete chaos.
: '''Rex:''' I'm heading in. I'll lock up when I'm done. Oh, don't bother getting up. I'm just gonna knock you back down again.
: '''Bobo:''' Back in your cages, you filthy animals!
: '''Rex:''' Huh? What? You? It's a who's-who of old EVOs. Whew! Really not in the mood for this. You're kidding me. You?!
: '''Gatlocke:''' Three men, one objective, no rules. Oh, this is exciting, isn't it? Or is it just me?
: '''Valve:''' The others are saying that Rex is here. Rex will get his when we're ready.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Watch yourselves. This one's unpredictable. We know what you want, No-Face. Then we can give it to you. Do what we say. Then you'll get Rex. You'll get the chance to tear Rex apart. Piece by piece. Now we're ready.
: '''Rex:''' So you remember who I am. Surprised you have a big enough brain for that. These cells are pretty dull. Let's redecorate. No way I'm letting an EVO get won over on me. Especially a big old frog.
: '''Gatlocke:''' Almost out. Freedom is just a... Bottomless ravine away.
: '''Valve:''' The biker begs the question, how are we getting across?
: '''Gatlocke:''' You know that's not really how begging the question is supposed to be used. Are we kidding? Anyone who gets worked up over that phrase needs to be savagely beaten.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' This'll override the drawbridge system.
: '''Gatlocke:''' Ooh, now how would someone like you procure something like that?
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Friends and hide places.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, frog legs. Let's put you in solitary confinement.
: '''Bobo:''' Do you look like you got run over by an overstuffed garbage truck?
: '''Rex:''' Feels like it. This is a prison riot. Where's Providence? They should be all over this.
: '''Six:''' They never responded to any calls.
: '''Rex:''' It's a setup. Providence wanted this to happen. But why?
: '''Six:''' Six here. Go ahead.
: '''Rex:''' Wait. This bridge wasn't down before.
: '''Bobo:''' Yeah. About that. Some of the prisoners escaped together. Gatlocke...
: '''Rex:''' That's bad.
: '''Bobo:''' Hunter Cain...
: '''Rex:''' That's even worse!
: '''Bobo:''' Valve.
: '''Rex:''' That's... Really? Valve?
: '''Bobo:''' Yeah. And No-Face.
: '''Rex:''' Those four are loose? Together?
: '''Six:''' We've got a bigger problem.
: '''Rex:''' How can it be bigger than this?
: '''Six:''' The EVOs in the city-- The only thing keeping them tame are their control collars.
: '''Rex:''' And this is a problem because...?
: '''Six:''' Because someone has shut them all down.
: '''Rex:''' Let me get that for you.
: '''Bobo:''' Dumpster dog. Considering you used to ride around in the Paris, I guess you're moving up in the world. Main to your mud.
: '''Six:''' Are you injured?
: '''Rex:''' Just worn out. Is this day over yet?
: '''Bobo:''' Oh! Signs pointing no.
: '''Rex:''' Huh? That came from the track. Can you handle things here?
: '''Bobo:''' Only one way to find out. Valve. Those nanite superchargers you keep using are bad for your health.
: '''Valve:''' If I were you, I'd be more concerned with your own short-term health.
: '''Rex:''' Please, like I have anything to worry about from you. The other three, they're dangerous. You, you're just comedy relief.
: '''Valve:''' I am not. Comedy relief.
: '''Rex:''' Well, you're not funny, that's for sure.
: '''Valve:''' Like the road that continues on, so must the biker.
: '''Rex:''' Where did he go so? Ew! Get away from my tacos, cockroach! Huh? You running away? I'll give you this much, Valve. Maybe you're getting smarter.
: '''No-Face:''' Unlike you.
: '''Rex:''' I put you away once, No-Face. I'll do it again.
: '''No-Face:''' The one who makes machines. The one we've been waiting for.
: '''Rex:''' Huh? Figures you try to shoot a guy in the back.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' All I see is a filthy EVO.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, first off, that Lai is tired. Second off, last time I checked, you're teaming up with one. Would that make you an EVO lover? All this hide and seek is wearing me down! Huh? Figures.
: '''Gatlocke:''' Leaving so soon? That's not going to impress the hiring committee. Now, let's see what we have here. &quot;Honor roll, A/V Club.&quot; Ugh. &quot;Glee Club.&quot; ''[Scoffs]'' I'm going to have to be brutally honest with you. You're perfect for my gang. Can you sing soprano? My last soprano drove his motorcycle off a cliff. He survived, but his voice was never the same. By the way, can you fly? This is quite the surprise. I'm willing to hire you, Rex, but you better have some excellent references.
: '''Rex:''' Back to prison, Gatlocke!
: '''Gatlocke:''' Then consider the offer rescinded! You could be a valued member of my gang. It's a tough job market out there, you know?
: '''Rex:''' I'd never work for you!
: '''Gatlocke:''' No, not with that attitude, you wouldn't. Welcome to my gang. Your first task is to destroy Rex-- That guy right there.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Gatlocke:''' Your second task is to complete harassment training. I teach the class. This pamphlet explains everything.
: '''Rex:''' No, no, no!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, come in. What's happening?
: '''Rex:''' One really bad day.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Your nanite readings are off the charts.
: '''Rex:''' No surprise. I've been fighting and curing EVOs non stop.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' We need to upload your nanites immediately.
: '''Rex:'''  Now? Doc, my four worst enemies are still on the loose. Well, my three worst enemies in Valve. Plus the city's in chaos. And where in the world is Providence? How come they're not here dealing with this?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Six and Bobo can mop up the last few EVOs. You have to offload.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, fine. But we better make it fast.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' You'll be locked in the chamber for one hour.
: '''Rex:''' Just do it, Doc.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' This could be a long sixty minutes.
: '''Valve:''' According to the tracking bug, Rex is inside.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Gentlemen, this is what we've been waiting for. It's time for Rex to die.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' They followed him.
: '''Gatlocke:''' After we kill Rex. We should work together and form a team call ourselves... Gatlocke and the kitty cats.
: '''Valve:''' Silence your mouth or the biker will silence it for you.
: '''Gatlocke:''' Oh, Valve. You can pretend to be angry, but deep down, you know you're a kitty cat.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' They know we're here.
: '''Gatlocke:''' You're quite feisty. Have you ever considered a career in the fast growing field of post apocalyptic gangs?
: '''Valve:''' She has spirit. Valve the biker will see that spirit crushed.
: '''Gatlocke:''' You're Gatlocke's favorite kitty cat. Hmm. Rrr.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Don't follow her. She's trying to lead us away from Rex. Rex is close-by.
: '''Valve:''' Rex's chamber... Five minutes to spare.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' More than enough time.
: '''Gatlocke:''' I could have sworn that we'd agreed to take Rex out together.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' I'm changing the terms of the deal if you have a problem with that, feel free to stand right where you are. I've waited a long time for this. Rex!
: '''Valve:''' Empty? Or a trick of the mind?
: '''Rex:''' Isn't that obvious? Then again, that tracking bug you stuck on me was obvious, too. And the fake countdown? Obvious. It only took me thirty minutes to upload my nanites. You wanted to run me ragged so you could get me. Instead, here you are all in one place. Gotcha!
: '''Valve:''' UGHH!
: '''Rex:''' UGHHHH! I still don't get why you enlisted Valve. I mean, he's really a third-string bad guy.
: '''Valve:''' Valve is the biker. A biker is dangerous.
: '''Rex:''' Hmm. Yeah. No.
: '''Valve:''' Rrrr!
: '''Rex:''' So unpredictable. Like a third-string bad guy.
: '''Valve:''' AAAAH!
: '''Gatlocke:''' I have a horrible sneaking suspicion that he's winning.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' Then do something about it!
: '''Gatlocke:''' Don't have to yell. A kind word will get you much further.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Gatlocke:''' UGHHH! Oh! Oh! Oh ho ho! Ouch! My back! My front and my back! OHH! This is total, total agony!
: ''[Gatlocke gasps]''
: '''Gatlocke:''' ''[Calmly]'' I'm okay. Really. I'm fine.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' You're lucky. I'll give you that. But you're only delaying the inevitable. You can't beat us all!
: '''Rex:''' I never intended to. This offload facility? I reprogrammed it. My surplus nanites aren't being stored. They're powering the shield.
: '''Hunter Cain:''' It's a trap!
: '''Rex:''' Have fun keeping each other company!
: '''Bobo:''' What a day.
: '''Rex:''' You know, none of this would have happened if Providence hadn't released the convicts and turned out all those EVOs.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' They did that to keep you busy.
: '''Rex:''' Keep me busy from what?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' The Nanite Project. We just found out. While we dealt with the EVOs, Black Knight got her hands on another Master-Control Nanite.
: '''Rex:''' Then it's time.

===Sinister Secrets===
===Wounded Hearts===
===One Step Ahead===
===Breaking Point===
===Behind Closed Doors===

===Keeping Hope===
===Trust===

===Terror of the Black Knight===

===Endgame, Part One===
: '''Rex:''' It was going to happen sooner or later. We had most of the pieces, so it was only a matter of time before the Black Knight made her move. And of all the chances she had to attack, it had to be tonight... at this very moment... while I was in the shower. Huh? How many?
: '''Six:''' Should it matter?
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Can't you do any better than that?
: '''Bobo:''' I thought you'd never ask.
: '''Rex:''' Rah! Yah!
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' If they get to the Meta-Nanites, we still have options.
: '''Rex:''' Of the self-destruct kind? No, thanks, Doc. It's not going to end that way... hopefully.
: '''Black Knight:''' We'll dispense with the pleasantries. You know what we want.
: '''Rex:''' There is no way you're walking out of here with the nanites.
: '''Black Knight:''' You seem so certain.
: '''Rex:''' We've beaten you before. Every single time, in fact. So, this time is different... How? Okay, that's different. Ugh! You're an EVO?!
: '''Black Knight:''' Do you think you were the only one they experimented on back in the day? You were the guinea pig. Consider me the new-and-improved version.
: '''Rex:''' Okay. Before we go any further, I should probably explain a few things. It started when a bunch of rich guys decided they wanted to live forever, so they got the best scientists in the world to figure out how. The answer was nanites. These microscopic machines would cure disease, end hunger, and pretty much make the world a better place. My parents and older brother were on the team, and so was this guy. Look familiar? Van Kleiss. Then one day there was an accident. To save my life, my parents injected me with nanites. It worked. But there were a few crazy side effects, like the fact I could talk to machines and, later on, build some pretty cool things. That got the rich guys thinking-- How far could we take this? Turns out pretty far. These little machines could control the very fabric of the Universe, but they would need a Master Control Nanite to program all the others and tell them what to do. Energy, gravity, time/space, elemental, mechanical-- All the things that make the Universe run. Combined together, they would pretty much make you a God. And when my brother and parents found out the Consortium was about to put these nanites inside themselves, they sort of freaked out in a &quot;got to save the Earth&quot; kind of way. Something had to be done to stop it. Turns out that meant blowing the whole thing up, better known as &quot;The Nanite Event&quot;. That didn't end well for my parents. While everyone else ran away, my parents were trapped inside. Sill not sure how. There was some good news-- No more Master Control Nanites. And the bad news? Dangerous unprogrammed nanites got spread across the world, and nanites plus DNA equals EVO. My brother Caesar got caught in a time warp during his escape. Van Kleiss got blown to smithereens and became the world's biggest pain in the nanite. And me? I got amnesia and traveled the globe living the good life... At least, that's how I tell it. The only part I know of wasn't all that much to brag about. I did get some good friends and a few enemies out of the deal. Turns out that losing my memory was a regular thing for me. Last time I woke up and said, &quot;Who Am I?&quot; It was when this guy found me-- Agent Six. He worked for Providence, sort of a global police force created to clean up after the event. It was paid for mostly by the same group of goons that started the whole thing-- The Consortium. It was great for a while. I had my own personal doctor, a chimp sidekick, a cool best friend to hang with. I was a full-fledged hero. The world loved me, and my powers kept getting better and better. Van Kleiss was still a pain, but I managed to take care of him. A few times, actually. Then things started to get not so cool. My brother shows up from out of nowhere. I get thrown six months into the future to find White Knight kicked out of Providence and this lady in charge-- Black Knight. She's been the lapdog of the Consortium from day one, and now her bosses want to pick up where they left off. Most of the old team of scientists have been reunited, and together, they've restarted the nanite program. The Master Control Nanites were spread across the globe in the first explosion, and we've been racing against Providence to get them back. So far, we've been winning that fight, and that pretty much brings us to right now.
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Black Knight grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' The Black Pawns are robots?!
: '''Black Knight:''' Total obedience at the flip of a switch. Can you blame me?
: '''Black Pawn:''' What's so funny?
: '''Six:''' I hold back against people. You're not people.
: ''[Bobo Haha grunts]''
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Black Knight grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' Huh? Ugh!
: '''Feakins:''' Hey! Hey! Take it easy, would you? Oh!
: '''Rex:''' Fitzy?!
: '''Feakins:''' Heh? Sorry, guy. They found me. She's hard to say &quot;No&quot; to... and live.
: '''Black Knight:''' Well put, Mr. Feakins. And thanks to his unique ability, we can set aside our nanite enhancements and do this the old-fashioned way.
: '''Rex:''' Come on. That's not fair. I'm unarmed!
: '''Black Knight:''' Precisely.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Stop! Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad idea.
: '''Rex:''' Listen to the crazy guy.
: '''Black Knight:''' Why are you here, Van Kleiss?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' I forgot. Oh, no, wait. I remember. He's got a Master Control Nanite swallowed up inside him. It's been hiding, the naughty thing.
: '''Rex:''' On second thought, don't listen to him. He's, uh-- He's crazy, remember?
: '''Black Knight:''' You're sure of this?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' Oh, yes, yes. Quite sure. Do you have any mints?
: '''Black Knight:''' I want Rex at the lab. Restrain and sedate him.
: '''Rex:''' How, hold on a minute.
: '''Feakins:''' Hey! What about me?
: '''Black Knight:''' I'm not taking any chances. He stays with Rex. Kill the others.
: '''Rex:''' Ugh! Ahh.
: '''Master-Control Nanite:''' Human.
: '''Rex:''' What are you telling me? What do you want?
: '''Master-Control Nanite:''' Complete. Complete. Complete. Complete. Complete.
: '''Rex:''' Okay, I get it. How?
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Rex gasps]''
: '''Caesar:''' Calm down, Rex. You're safe.
: '''Rex:''' Safe?! Black Knight and her robo-troopers just came knocking, and Van crazy says I have a Master Control Nanite inside me!
: '''Caesar:''' Fascinating, isn't it? All this time, it's been hiding undetected inside you. I wonder if this particular control unit is responsible for his unique nano-evolution.
: '''Rex:''' Are any of you even listening to me?
: '''Feakins:''' Boy, I am. It's like a movie but real! I just want to go start pressing buttons. Can I get another milkshake?
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' How exactly do you plan on getting it out of him?
: '''Black Knight:''' I have a suggestion. Tear it out.
: '''Rylander:''' It would kill him.
: '''Black Knight:''' That's none of my concern.
: '''Caesar:''' The nanite is tied to his DNA. Simply pulling it out of him would ruin the nanite.
: '''Rex:''' And me, too, remember?
: '''Caesar:''' The only way this will work is if we put him in the cyclotron with the other Metas. It should extract automatically during the reassembly.
: '''Black Knight:''' And if it doesn't?
: '''Caesar:''' Hmm. Good question.
: '''Rex:''' Here's another one-- Don't I get a say in this? Like, isn't this the exact thing that our parents died trying to stop?
: '''Black Knight:''' Take him to the hub and prepare for the transfer. The Consortium is here and extremely impatient. I want this finished within the hour.
: '''Feakins:''' Aah! Hey, what am I-- Sandpaper? Not so rough! ''[sputtering]'' Rough.
: '''Rex:''' Glad someone can see the humor in this.
: '''Black Knight:''' Van Kleiss, see that Rex is well taken care of.
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' I hope you know what you're doing, Salazar. This is a huge risk we're taking.
: '''Rylander:''' Listen to Peter. The thing we swore to stop at any cost, the thing that took your parents-- It could happen-- Right here, today.
: '''Caesar:''' It can't, and it won't. You'll have to trust me on this.
: '''Rylander:''' You can only say that so many times, Caesar.
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' We've been waiting almost an hour. Not even refreshments?
: '''Black Knight:''' You can have your snack after we become Gods.
: '''Roswell:''' &quot;We&quot;?
: '''Black Knight:''' That's right-- &quot;We.&quot; None of this would be possible without my efforts.
: '''Roswell:''' And our money, sister.
: '''Black Knight:''' By all means, have your contempt. There's plenty of room buried next to the Russian if you'd like to keep him company. That's what I thought. Now, if you'll follow me--
: '''Bobo:''' &quot;Kill the others.&quot; Not gonna happen, lady. We're bulletproof. Ow! Hangnail.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Ugh! We know where they took him. Why are we here? We need to go get Rex.
: '''Six:''' I agree. We just don't have the resources, Rebecca. We'd need an army.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' You've been known to make the impossible happen, Six. How hard could that be?
: '''Six:''' Six here. Copy that. We just got ourselves an army.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' You see?
: '''Van Kleiss:''' That will be all.
: '''Feakins:''' But the lady said-- Good luck, Kid.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' These restraints were made for you. You're very special, you know.
: '''Rex:''' Lucky me.
: '''Caesar:''' Van Kleiss... leave us.
: '''Rex:''' I really hate you.
: '''Caesar:'''I know how this looks, Rex.
: '''Rex:''' But what? I just have to trust you? Is that what you were going to say? Just help me-- Please.
: '''Caesar:''' It may not seem like it, but I am.
: '''Rex:''' Caesar... I'm scared.
: '''Caesar:''' So am I, little brother. This will all be over in a few minutes.
: '''Rex:''' It's already over! When I get out of this, I never want to see you again!
: '''Rylander:''' Commencing countdown.
: '''Roswell:''' WHOO-HOO!
: '''Reddick:''' Payback time!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Caesar:''' This won't be entirely unpleasant. It should feel similar to when you offload surplus nanites.
: '''Rex:''' Stop! You can't do this! You can't merge!
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' Something's wrong.
: '''Rylander:''' Of course something's wrong. The kid is fighting it.
: '''Caesar:''' This could be bad.
: '''Rylander:''' You have to tell him, Caesar.
: '''Caesar:''' Rex, you have to stop. Listen to me. The nanites are supposed to do-- Rex? Can you hear me?
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' Actually, he can't. There's a short in the comm relay.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' This would be a wonderful day for a picnic.
: '''Rex:''' RA-A-A-A-A-A-H!
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' Ugh!
: '''Black Knight:''' Ugh!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' So much for that plan.
: ''[Rex laughs]''
: '''Rex:''' Oh, serves you right. All that and you come out of the oven looking like freaks. Nice job!
: '''Black Knight:''' It's not exactly what we were expecting, but it's a start.
: '''Reddick:''' This isn't what we agreed to.
: '''Roswell:''' Where's the rest of our power? This is all messed up!
: '''Dr. Meechum:''' How can this be possible?
: '''Rylander:''' The Meta-Nanites were dispersed between the five. This is quite a surprise.
: '''Caesar:''' We've got to get Rex out of there. Step aside, Van Kleiss.
: '''Van Kleiss:''' They still don't have what they want... and neither do you.
: '''Black Knight:''' You're angry. I can see that. If you want to take it out on anyone, it should be Rex.
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' I think I can agree to that.
: '''Roswell:''' Count me in! This might actually be fun!
: '''Rex:''' Let's think about this for a second. Whoa!
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: '''Rex:''' How 'bout that? Exactly one second. Whoa! Aah!
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' What a perfect way to learn to use our powers-- Tearing this brat apart.
: '''Rex:''' Only one problem with that, sparky. I've been using my powers a whole lot longer-- And I'm pretty good.
: '''Roswell:''' You got any ideas here, missy, or we gonna stand around and get it handed to us?
: '''Black Knight:''' The Meta-Nanites were designed to work together. So will we.
: '''Rex:''' What? Are you gonna join together to make a robo-mutant?
: '''Black Knight:''' That's exactly what we're going to do.
: '''Rex:''' I need to stop giving them ideas. Huh?
: ''[Rex grunts]''
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Black Knight:''' No one the help you-- No family, no friends, nothing. It's a terrible way to go.
: '''White Knight:''' Captain Calan, target the base. All weapons, sire.
: '''Providence Agent:''' Fire control reports they're being jammed, sir.
: '''White Knight:''' Only one salvo. Black Knight must have prepared for this.
: ''[Rex groans softly]''
: '''Rex:''' Big giant robot. Black Knight.
: '''Six:''' We know.
: '''Rex:''' Have to... stay and stop them.
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Another time, Rex.
: '''Rex:''' I-I--
: ''[Rex groans]''
: '''Dr. Holiday:''' Holiday to White Knight. We have Rex.
: '''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' We're just gonna watch them go?!
: '''Black Knight:''' Let Providence have their weapon back. With our combined power, the world is ours.

===Endgame, Part Two===
:'''Black Knight:''' Science has given us a tremendous gift-- Nanites. We've seen what they can do-- The good and the bad. But they're true potential has been largely unseen. Until now. Our goals are varied. Fame... power... revenge... wealth... order. Yet, one thing unites us-- Greed. You're surprised I admit it? Well, don't be. You'll never get far in life without wanting it all. And for those who might consider standing in our way... We'll let our powers speak for themselves. The world is ours. And no one can stop us.
:''[Roswell laughs]''
:'''Roswell:''' This is more fun than my first rodeo. What else you got?
:'''Six:''' Any change?
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' He's sleeping. The nanites in him are making repairs. That's a good thing. He's a tough kid, Six.
:'''Six:''' I know.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' See you next time. Judging by what you fed us for lunch, I'm guessing twenty minutes. Can't even go to the little scientists' room without them breathing down our necks. How long are we going to put up with this?
:'''Caesar:''' I know it's not easy working under these circumstances.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' Do you? I don't hear you complaining, or have you even noticed that we're prisoniers?
:'''Rylander:''' Gentlemen, please. Can we focus on a more important problem? The Consortium's gain of power is a troubling outcome. Something should be done.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' If you're talking about stopping them, I'm listening.
:'''Black Knight:''' I want you all in the boardroom in three minutes.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' The world is being taken over by nanite-fueled ex-c.e.o. Psychos, and they still act like they're running a business.
:'''Roswell:''' You nerds gave us a raw deal. I want a do-over.
:'''Caesar''': A do-over?
:'''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' What my colleague means to say is that our powers are remarkable to be sure, but we only have one seventh of what we were promised.
:'''Rylander:''' You're asking a lot.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' You're asking the impossible. You'd be lucky to survive the extraction.
:'''Caesar:''' This is true. You may be powerful, but you're not Rex.
:'''Black Knight:''' I share your disappointment, gentlemen. But are you willing to lose everything for this?
:'''Roswell:''' Go big or go home.
:'''Black Knight:''' Van Kleiss, what do you have to say?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Easy-peasy. I can do it. It's only a matter of correctly calibrating the bio-filters with the homing frequency of the nanites. By the way, have you seen my socks?
:'''Caesar:''' Van Kleiss--
:'''Black Knight:''' Has an assignment. The rest of you... Stay out of trouble.
:'''Rex:''' You started without me.
:'''Six:''' Glad to see you up and around. Something bothering you?
:'''Rex:''' Besides black knight taking over the world? I'm trying to find my friends. I know Providence took them.
:'''Six:''' We're working on that.
:'''Rex:''' And are we doing anything about the Consortium? What about... The robot? The one I can build. Don't play dumb, Six.
:'''Six:''' Come with me.
:'''Rex:''' That's me? No way! All this time, I could have been making myself into that thing? Ohh! Maybe not.
:'''Six:''' Evidence suggest that you've never been able to control it. It's a weapon of last defense. This was filmed on the day that I found you. It was also the day I made a promise that it would be the last time you ever built this machine.
:''[Rex scoffs]''
:'''Rex:''' Or what, you'd kill me? You plan on keeping that promise?
:'''Six:''' Rex, you have to know something. We believe this is the type of thing that ends in you losing your memory.
:'''Rex:''' Well, it happened to you, and you turned out just fine.
:'''Six:''' I only lost six years. Six years is all you have. You would lose everything. I'm not gonna tell you what to do, but you need to think about the consequences of some of your options.
:'''Noah:''' It feels weird hanging out when the world is under attack. I don't know if I should be fighting back or out in the wilderness setting up a survival compound.
:'''Rex:''' If you had the power to stop all this, but it meant losing everything, would you do it, Noah?
:'''Noah:''' I don't know. I'm just glad I don't have to make that kind of decision. I guess that's why you're the hero.
:''[Rex sighs]''
:'''Rex:''' I wish I could get some kind of sign. Anything. Hmm.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Red and yellow, red and yellow. One false move can kill a fellow.
:''[Van Kleiss laughs]''
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' He's got local control. We're locked out. I still don't even know how this is possible.
:'''Rylander:''' I've been looking at the data projections. As crazy as Van Kleiss is, his theory is sound.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Sorry to disturb your sleepy sleep. There might be a slight delay.
:'''Black Knight:''' Why?
:'''Van Kleiss:''' We have a visitor. Should I set out tea?
:'''Rex:''' Hey, in there! Come on out!
:'''Black Knight:''' Back for more? Happy to accommodate.
:'''Rex:''' I should warn you. It's going to get ugly.
:'''Black Knight:''' One would think you would have learned the last time. I can feel you resisting me. Stop.
:'''Roswell:''' Why is it you get to call all the shots?
:'''Black Knight:''' Because I'm the one who has the power to join us. Help me defeat Rex, and you can call all the shots you like.
:'''Rex:''' Hyah!
:''[Rex babbling]''
:''[Rex gasps]''
:'''Six:''' It's a weapon of last defense. It's happened.
:'''Noah:''' That's Rex?
:'''White Knight:''' I'm going to assume you're seeing what I'm seeing.
:'''Six:''' White--
:'''White Knight:''' Before you say anything, Six-- Whatever agreement we may have had regarding this situation no longer applies. Am I clear?
:'''Six:''' Understood.
:'''Dr. Holiday''': What was that all about?
:'''Six:''' A second chance.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Six, we have to do something.
:'''Six:''' I've seen it before. We're too late.
:''[Rex coughing]''
:'''Rex:''' Donde esta mi zapato?
:'''Noah:''' Rex! Hold on!
:'''Rex:''' What? What happened?
:'''Bobo:''' You blew up, kid.
:'''Six:''' Do you know who we are?
:'''Rex:''' I... I do! Oh-ho! I remember! Ow! Ow! I wish I could forget this pain in my... The Consortium!
:'''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' This is utter nonsense. I refuse to be led around like a show dog.
:'''Reddick:''' You can always go back outside and take it up with Providence.
:'''Black Knight:''' Guard the door. Nothing gets by you.
:'''Six:''' They're robots.
:'''Rex:''' Oh! Right! That part I forgot.
:'''Bobo:''' Next time, leave some for the rest of us, huh?
:'''Rylander:''' I'll stay here and guard the equipment.
:''[Rylander laughs]''
:'''Caesar:''' Little brother, they've had this place completely locked down. I've been trying to reach you.
:'''Bobo:''' What he said.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' Yeah, you deserved that.
:'''Rex:''' Open it.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' We can't. Still completely locked out of the system. Besides, you can't interrupt once the cycle has started.
:'''Rex:''' Well, then, un-start it!
:'''Black Knight:''' You cleaned up for the occasion. How thoughtful of you.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Oh, this isn't for you. You didn't actually believe that I'd let the five of you have all this power.
:'''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' I thought you were working for us?
:''[Van Kleiss laughs evilly]''
:'''Rex:''' You see that? I knew it! He's not crazy! Okay... oh! He's crazy, but just his usual crazy.
:'''Black Knight:''' Van Kleiss, I am not amused.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' I don't imagine you would be. This was always my intention, even in the very beginning. It's a pity your parents caught me trying to activate the sequence for myself. And, of course, there's the &quot;broken&quot; hatch. The world would be a much better place if they had just left well enough alone.
:'''Anthony Haden-Scott:''' Black Knight, do something.
:'''Black Knight:''' Van Kleiss, you have made a huge mistake.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Now, then, let the fun begin.
:''[Black Knight groans]''
:''[Van Kleiss laughs evilly]''
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' You can't overload that relay from a subdirectory. You have to get a root. It's impossible from here.
:'''Caesar:''' You're a very negative person, Peter Meechum.
:''[Dr. Meechum groans]''
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' I'll try from the main terminal in the lab.
:''[Rex grunts]''
:'''Caesar:''' Rex, wait! That's not necessary.
:'''Rex:''' I'm not waiting around, hermano.
:'''Caesar:''' No. That's not what I mean.
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Yes. I can see it.
:''[Van Kleiss laughs evilly]''
:'''Van Kleiss:''' Huh? No.
:''[Van Kleiss groans]''
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' It's incredible something so small could have so much [[w:Omnipotence|power]]. That thing could rip apart the very fabric of the universe.
:'''Rex:''' It's still a nanite. I'm gonna talk to it.
:'''Caesar:''' No. It's okay.
:''[The fully complete Meta Nanite comes to Rex, as if it were waiting for him, whose eyes and body glow with a pale blue cosmic aura.]''
:'''Caesar:''' Rex, listen to me. The Meta-Nanite-- It could never work in anyone but you. Now in its pure state. Mom and dad, we programmed them that way from the very beginning. All of this... It's meant for you.
:'''Six:''' What are you saying?
:'''Caesar:''' Right now, Rex is [[Omnipotence|the most powerful being in the universe]].
:'''Bobo:''' You hear that, Kid? Don't let it get to your head.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' Rex, can you hear me?
:'''Rex:''' Yeah, doc. This is pretty trippy. Not exactly sure what I'm supposed to do now.
:'''Black Knight:''' You're a [[God]], Rex. You can do anything you want.
:'''Six:''' You know what to do.
:'''Rex:''' You're right, Six. So are the rest of you. I can do anything I want. Maybe it's time for a revolution. Isn't that what you five wanted? A revolution? Well, welcome to it.
:'''Noah:''' Is he gonna be like this from now on?
:'''Rylander:''' Uh... People. He's inside the nanite reactor.
:'''Dr. Holiday and Caesar:''' Inside?
:'''Rex:''' Okay, little guys. I need you to do something for me.
:'''Black Knight:''' Follow me, quickly.
:'''Reddick:''' I'm through following you. We trusted you everything, and look what we got.
:'''Black Knight:''' We may still be able to retain some of our abilities, but only if you follow me.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' Are you seeing this?
:'''Rylander:''' Tehnically, I don't have eyes, but yes.
:'''Providence Agent:''' Reports are coming in. EVO's all over the world are spontaneously curing.
:'''Six:''' Not spontaneous.
:'''Caesar:''' He must have programmed all the nanites in the reactor to initiate a worldwide cure event.
:'''Black Knight:''' What is your next directive?
:'''Rex:''' I don't want anyone using you again. Ever. And that includes me. Deactivate.
:''[Rex groans]''
:'''Rex:''' I think it's over.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' I think you're right.
:'''Caesar:''' I wanted to tell you, brother. So much was at stake.
:'''Rex:''' We're good. And we'll always be brothers.
:'''Diane Ferrah:''' Across the world, not an EVO to be found. After more than six years, it appears we've awoken from the nightmare.
:'''White Knight:''' The EVOs may be gone, but we still have nanites.
:'''Rex:''' Leave it to you to spoil  all the fun, White Knight.
:'''Dr. Holiday:''' There are some people here to see you, Rex.
:'''Rex:''' Tuck? Cricket? Skwydd?
:'''Skwydd:''' Eh, I guess I should start going by Walter again.
:''[Rex runs to Circe and the two lovers share a close hug, happy to be together at last]''
:'''Rex:''' Uh... Are you...?
:'''Circe:''' I'm okay. Normal, but okay. I think you may have put yourself out of a job.
:'''Skywdd:''' Yeah. What are you gonna do? Go to school?
:'''Rylander:''' It was nice having the team back together. You know, we should find a new project.
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' You kidding? I'd rather have root canal with a rake. Worst experience of my life.
:'''Caesar:''' Do you want to hear about some of my new ideas or not?
:'''Dr. Meechum:''' I'm listening.
:'''Rex:''' Finally.
:'''Six:''' Need anything?
:'''Rex:''' Nope. I'm good. There's always going to be something, isn't there?
:'''Six:''' Yes, there is.

==Characters==
===Main===
*Rex Salazar (Daryl Sabara)
*Six
*White Knight
*Bobo Haha
===Supporting===
*Circe (Tara Sands)
*Tuck (Dante Bosco) 
*Skwydd
*Cricket
*Beverley Holiday 
*Caesar Salazar
*Five
*Tres
*IV

===Villains===
*Van Kleiss
*The Pack
*Gatlocke
*Hunter Cain
*Quarry
*Black Knight
*The Consortium
===Couples===
*Dr. Rebecca Holiday &amp; Six
*Rex &amp; Circe
*Noah Nixon &amp; Claire Bowman
==Elements==
===Rex's Machines &quot;Builds&quot;===
*Big Fat Sword
*Buzz Saw
*Punk Busters
*Boogie Pack
*Cannon
*Smack Hands

===Rex's Other Abilities===
*Technopathy
*Data Manipulation
*Technological Manipulation 
*E.V.O. Curing
*Breach Detection
*Electronic Disruption

===Omega Nanite-Powered Builds===
*Blast Caster
*Funchucks
*Bad Axes
*Block Party
*Sky Slider
*Water Jet

==External Links==
{{wikipedia}}
* [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1636691/ Generator Rex] at [[Internet Movie Database]]
* [http://generatorrexpedia.wikia.com/wiki/Generator_Rex Generator Rex] at Wikia

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      <timestamp>2026-05-19T03:24:28Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Raquel Baranow</username>
        <id>915940</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* See also */ Abolish money</comment>
      <origin>3942601</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="131651" sha1="l1eh8cmbhltfgjjaug6oslker84au3h" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Gospel of Luke Chapter 19-13 (Bible Illustrations by Sweet Media).jpg|thumb|[[Cleansing of the Temple| ''Jesus upsetting the money changers and their tables'']] ... '''You cannot serve both God and money''' — Jesus]]
'''[[w:Money|Money]]''' is commonly defined by the functions attached to any good or token that functions in [[w:trade|trade]] as a [[w:medium of exchange|medium of exchange]], [[w:store of value|store of value]], and [[w:unit of account|unit of account]], although [[economics]] offers various definitions.
__NOTOC__
{{TOCalpha|[[#Respectfully Quoted: A Dictionary of Quotations (1989)|''Respectfully Quoted: A Dictionary of Quotations'']] · [[#Misattributed|Misattributed]]}}

== A ==
* '''[[Earth|This planet]] has — or rather had — a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movement of small green pieces of paper, which was odd because on the whole it wasn't the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy.'''
**[[Douglas Adams]], ''[[The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy]]'' (1979), Introduction.

* All the perplexities, confusions, and distresses in [[United States|America]] arise, not from defects in [[United States Constitution|their constitution]] or confederation, nor from want of [[honor]] or [[virtue]], as much from downright [[ignorance]] of the [[nature]] of coin, credit, and circulation.
** [[John Adams]], letter to [[Thomas Jefferson]] (25 August 1787) ''The Works of John Adams''.

* Money, now this has to be some ''good'' shit.
** [[Martin Amis]], ''Money, a Suicide Note'' (1984).

[[File:2006 AEGold Proof Obv.png|thumb|right|The usual definition of the ''functions'' of money are that money is a medium of exchange, a measure of value, a standard of deferred payment and a store of value. ~ [[Norman Angell|Sir Norman Angell]] ]]
* The usual definition of the ''functions'' of money are that money is a medium of exchange, a measure of value, a standard of deferred payment and a store of [[value]].
** [[Norman Angell|Sir Norman Angell]] in ''The Story of Money'' (1930).

* If you make money your god, it will plague you like the devil.
** Anonymous proverb as quoted in ''Select Proverbs of All Nations'' (1824), Thomas Fielding; this has sometimes been mistakenly attributed to [[Henry Fielding]]

[[File:Parc de Versailles, Rond-Point des Philosophes, Apollonius, Barthélemy de Mélo inv1850n°9449 02.jpg|thumb|[[Plato]] said that virtue has no master. If a person does not honor this principle and rejoice in it, but is purchasable for money, he creates many masters for himself. ~ [[Apollonius of Tyana]]]]
* [[Plato]] said that [[virtue]] has no master. If a person does not honor this principle and rejoice in it, but is purchasable for money, he creates many masters for himself.
** [[Apollonius of Tyana]], letter to Euphrates, ''Epp. Apoll.'' 15

* Money makes the man.
** [[w:Aristodemus|Aristodemus]]. See Alcæus, ''Fragment''. Miscel. Songs. Reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 521-24.

* '''Money was intended to be used in exchange, but not to increase at interest.''' And this term interest, which means the birth of money from money, is applied to the breeding of money because the offspring resembles the parent. Wherefore of all modes of getting wealth this is the most unnatural.
** [[Aristotle]], [[Politics (Aristotle)|''Politics'']], Book I, 1258b.4

* If the love of money is the root of all [[evil]], the need of money is most certainly the root of all [[despair]].
** [[Isaac Asimov]], ''Half-Breed'' (Originally published in ''[[w:Astonishing Stories|Astonishing Stories]],'' February 1940)

== B ==
* ''Divitiæ bona ancilla, pessima domina.''
** Translations:&lt;br/&gt;Riches are a good handmaid, but the worst mistress.&lt;br/&gt;Wealth is a good servant, a very bad mistress&lt;br/&gt;L'argent est un bon serviteur, et un méchant maître&lt;br/&gt;Money is a good servant, a dangerous master.
** [[Francis Bacon]], ''De Dignitate et Augmentis Scientiarum'' (1623), Book Six
** The last two have sometimes been attributed to [[w:Dominique Bouhours|Dominique Bouhours]], but are probably just translations of Bacon's words.

* ''L'argent est un bon serviteur, mais un méchant maître.''
** Money is a good servant but a bad master.
** Quoted by [[Francis Bacon]]. (French Proverb.) In ''Menegiana'', II. 296. 1695. Reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 521-24.

* Money is like muck (manure), not good except it be spread.
** [[Francis Bacon]], 'Of Seditions and Troubles', ''Essays'', 15.

*&quot;The love of money is the root of all evil&quot;. This throws us back on the fundamental weakness of humanity - the quality of desire. Of this money is the result and the symbol... Desire demands the satisfaction of sensed need, the desire for goods and possessions, the desire for material comfort, for the acquisition and accumulation of things... This desire controls and dominates human thinking; it is the keynote of our modern civilisation; it is also the octopus which is slowly strangling human life, enterprise, and decency; it is the millstone around the neck of mankind...&lt;BR&gt;There are, however, large numbers of people whose lives are not dominated by the love of money, and who can normally think in terms of the higher values. They are the hope of the future but are individually imprisoned in the system which, spiritually, must end. Though they do not love money, they need it, and must have it; the tentacles of the business world surround them; they too must work and earn the wherewithal to live; the work they seek to do to aid humanity, cannot be done without the required funds. 
**[[Alice Bailey|Alice Bailey,]] ''The Problems of Humanity,'' p.79/80, (1944)

* Just as money has been in the past the instrument of men's selfishness, now it must be the instrument of their goodwill. (5 - 166).
** [[Alice Bailey|Alice Bailey,]] ''D.N.A. Vol 1'', p.166, (1944)

* I look at [[Paris Hilton]], think about her parents' fortune and her grandparents' fortune. She thought she had it all together. A whole lot of people think that, that when you got money you can do anything you want to do. But I want to tell you there are some things money can't do for you; Money can buy you a house, but can't buy you a home; Money can buy you food to put on your table, but can't buy an appetite; Money can buy you one of the most finest matresses in the world, but can't buy you [[sleep]].
** Archbishop [[w:LeRoy Bailey Jr.|LeRoy Bailey Jr.]], in &quot;We Need GOD&quot; (14 June 2007).

* [[Money]], it turned out, was exactly like [[sex]]. You thought of nothing else if you didn't have it and thought of other things if you did.
** [[James Baldwin]]  &quot;The Black Boy Looks at the White Boy&quot; in Esquire (May 1961)

* One of the wisest things anybody ever said to me was that if all you ever care about is money, money is all that will ever care for you.
** [[Iain Banks|Iain M. Banks]], ''[[w:Transition (novel)|Transition]]'' (2009), &lt;small&gt; {{ISBN|978-0-316-07198-7}}, &lt;/small&gt; p. 65 (Chapter 4)

* '''If you would know what the Lord God thinks of money, you have only to look at those to whom He gives it.'''
** [[Maurice Baring]], as quoted by [[Dorothy Parker]] in Marion Capron, &quot;An Interview with Dorothy Parker&quot;, ''The Paris Review'', Issue 13 (Summer 1956).

* Money is the devil's dung.
** [[Basil of Caesarea]], and then taken up by [[Francis of Assisi]], as quoted in [[Pope Francis]], ''[http://w2.vatican.va/content/francesco/en/speeches/2015/february/documents/papa-francesco_20150228_confcooperative.html To representatives of the Confederation of Italian Cooperatives]'', 28 February 2015.

* If money is, as it is often posited, the root of all evil, then where does that leave [[greed]]? Let's do the math: Greed takes up most of your time and most of your money, so therefore greed = time x money. And, as we all know, time = money. Ergo, greed = money x money. So, if money is the square root of all evil, then we are forced to conclude that greed is evil as well, perhaps even more so, in that it forced us to do math. &lt;br&gt; But when does the desire to simply possess something turn into unchecked greed? That's easy: when the things that you possess start possessing you.
** Dale E. Basye and Bob Dob, in ''Rapacia: The Second Circle of Heck'' (2009), &quot;Backword&quot;, p.&amp;nbsp;361.
* Money is the [[currency]] of the world, but it rarely is ''our'' currency.
** Julien Blanc, ''Transformation Mastery'' (2017)

* Money should buy you one thing only and that is freedom.
** Max Berger, ''Rules of Money'' (2018)

* The sinews of business (or state).
** [[Bion]]. In ''Life of Bion'' by [[Diogenes Laertius]], Book IV, Chapter VII, Section 3. Reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 521-24.

* A lot of money goes to money-heaven.
** {{w|Björgólfur Thor Björgólfsson}}, explaining the evaporation of {{w|paper wealth}} in the {{w|2008–2009 Icelandic financial crisis}} (quoted in [http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/globalbusiness/7385128/Icelands-vote-gives-UK-little-comfort.html Iceland's vote gives UK little comfort]).

* The accuser of [[Sin|sins]] by my side doth stand, &lt;/br&gt;And he holds my money bag in his hand; &lt;/br&gt;For my worldly things [[God]] makes him pay; &lt;/br&gt;And he'd pay for more, if to him I would pray.
** [[William Blake]], as quoted in ''Life of William Blake : Pictor Ignotus'' (1863) by Alexander Gilchrist.

* '''We could never imagine what a strange disproportion a few or a great many pieces of money make between men, if we did not see it every day with our own eyes.'''
** [[w:Jean de la Bruyère|Jean de la Bruyère]], ''Characters''.

* And who can suffer injury by just [[taxation]], impartial laws and the application of the [[Thomas Jefferson|Jeffersonian]] doctrine of equal rights to all and special privileges to none? Only those whose accumulations are stained with dishonesty and whose immoral methods have given them a distorted view of [[business]], [[society]] and [[government]]. Accumulating by conscious frauds more money than they can use upon themselves, wisely distribute or safely leave to their children, these denounce as public enemies all who question their methods or throw a light upon their crimes.
** [[William Jennings Bryan]], speech at Madison Square Garden, New York, 30 August 1906, at a reception welcoming Bryan on his return from a year's trip around the world. ''Speeches of William Jennings Bryan'', Funk &amp; Wagnalls, 1909, [http://books.google.com/books?id=E0QOAAAAYAAJ&amp;pg=PA90&amp;vq=%22And+who+can+suffer+injury+by+just+taxation%22&amp;source=gbs_search_r&amp;cad=1_1 p. 90]
** Often misquoted as: The money power denounces, as public enemies, all who question its methods or throw light upon its crimes. Ignotus, 1863.

* Money well managed deserves, indeed, the apotheosis to which she was raised by her Latin adorers; she is ''[[w:Moneta|Diva Moneta]]'' — a [[goddess]].
** [[Edward Bulwer-Lytton]], '''On the Management of Money', Caxtoniana'', 1864.

* The greediness of gain is the only principle on which a stranger can be induced to furnish a stranger.
** Burnett, J., ''Earl of Chesterfield v. Janssen'' (1750), 2 Ves. 125. Reported in James William Norton-Kyshe, ''The Dictionary of Legal Quotations'' (1904), p. 177.

* Money is the source of the greatest vice, and that nation which is most rich, is most wicked.
** [[Frances Burney]], ''The Journals and Letters of Fanny Burney'', entry for 17 November 1768.

* Penny wise, pound foolish.
** [[Robert Burton]], ''The Anatomy of Melancholy'' (1621), Democritus to the Reader, p. 35. (Ed. 1887).

* Mr. Butler urged the same idea: adding that '''money was power'''; and that the States ought to have weight in the government in proportion to their wealth.
** [[w:Pierce Butler|Pierce Butler]], ''Notes of Debates'', by James Madison, June 11th, 1787.

* Still amorous, and fond, and billing,&lt;br&gt;Like Philip and Mary on a shilling.
** [[Samuel Butler (poet)|Samuel Butler]], ''Hudibras'', Part III (1678), Canto I, line 687.

* Money…is the [[symbol]] of [[duty]], it is the sacrament of having done for mankind that which mankind wanted. Mankind may not be a very good judge, but there is no better.
** [[Samuel Butler]], ''Erewhon'' (1872).

* How beauteous are rouleaus! how charming chests&lt;br&gt;  Containing ingots, bags of dollars, coins&lt;br&gt;(Not of old victors, all whose heads and crests&lt;br&gt;  Weigh not the thin ore where their visage shines,&lt;br&gt;But) of fine unclipt gold, where dully rests&lt;br&gt;  Some likeness, which the glittering cirque confines,&lt;br&gt;Of modern, reigning, sterling, stupid stamp;—&lt;br&gt;Yes! ready money is Aladdin's lamp.
** [[Lord Byron]], ''[[Don Juan (Byron)|Don Juan]]'' (1818-24), Canto XII, Stanza 12.

== C ==
* A man wants to earn money in order to be happy, and his whole effort and the best of a life are devoted to the earning of that money. '''[[Happiness]] is forgotten; the means are taken for the [[end]].'''
**[[Albert Camus]], ''The Myth of Sisyphus'' (1942), &quot;Absurd Creation&quot; &lt;small&gt; (Tr. Justin O'Brien, Vantage International, 1991, {{ISBN|0-679-73373-6}}, p.&amp;nbsp;103) &lt;/small&gt;

* It's a kind of spiritual snobbery that makes people think they can be happy without money.
** [[Albert Camus]], ''Notebooks'' (1963), p.&amp;nbsp;77.

* Money, which is of very uncertain value, and sometimes has no value at all and even less.
** [[Thomas Carlyle]], ''Frederick the Great'', Book IV, Chapter III. Reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 521-24.

* ''THIS IS YOUR [[God|GOD]]''
** Printed on currency in ''[[They Live]]'' by [[w:John Carpenter|John Carpenter]]

[[File:Tremissis Julius Nepos-RIC 3221.jpg|thumb|[[Covetousness]] ... chooses to love and care for images stamped on gold instead of God. ~ [[John Cassian]]]]
* [[Covetousness]] ... chooses to love and care for images stamped on gold instead of God. 
** [[John Cassian]], &quot;On the Spirit of Covetousness,&quot; ''Institutes of the Coenobia'' (c. 420 AD), Book VII Chapter VII

[[File:John Cassian.jpeg|thumb|We must not only guard against the possession of money, but also must expel from our souls the desire for it. For we should not so much avoid the results of covetousness, as cut off by the roots all disposition towards it. For it will do no good not to possess money, if there exists in us the desire for getting it. ~ [[John Cassian]]]]
* We must not only guard against the possession of money, but also must expel from our souls the desire for it. For we should not so much avoid the results of covetousness, as cut off by the roots all disposition towards it. For it will do no good not to possess money, if there exists in us the desire for getting it.
** [[John Cassian]], &quot;On the Spirit of Covetousness,&quot; ''Institutes of the Coenobia'' (c. 420 AD), Book VII Chapter VII

* It is possible that those who are in no way pressed down with the weight of money may be condemned with the covetous in disposition and intent. For it was the opportunity of possessing which was wanting in their case, and not the will for it.
** [[John Cassian]], ''Institutes of the Coenobia'' (c. 420 AD) Book VII Chapter XXII

* If money is all that a [[man]] makes, then he will be poor — poor in happiness, poor in all that makes life worth living.
** [[Herbert N. Casson]] cited in: Forbes magazine (1950) ''The Forbes scrapbook of Thoughts on the business of life''. p. 302.

* [[Capitalism]] is using its money; we [[Socialism|socialists]] throw it away.
** [[Fidel Castro]], as quoted in The Observer (British) newspaper (8 November 1964).

* Make [[ducks]] and drakes with shillings.
** [[George Chapman]], ''Eastward Ho'', scene 1, Act I. (Written by Chapman, Jonson, Marston). Reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 521-24.

[[File:Nicolas Chamfort.jpg|thumb|right|Despising money is like toppling a king off his throne. ~ [[Nicolas Chamfort]]]]
* Despising money is like toppling a king off his throne.
** [[Nicolas Chamfort]], ''Reflections'', D. Parmée, trans. (London: 2003) #113.

* ''L’intérêt d’argent est la grande épreuve des petits caractères, mais ce n’est encore que la plus petite pour les caractères distingués.''
**Money is the greatest concern for small characters, but is nothing but the smallest for great characters.
***[[Nicolas Chamfort]], ''Maximes et Pensées'' (Paris: 1923), #164.

* Money is a symbol of what others in your society owe you, or your claim on particular amounts of the society's resources.
** [[Ha-Joon Chang]], ''Economics: The User's Guide'' (2014), Ch. 1.

* The way to resumption is to resume.
** [[Salmon P. Chase]], letter to Horace Greeley (May 17, 1866). Reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 521-24.

* '''To be clever enough to get all that money, one must be stupid enough to want it.'''
** [[G. K. Chesterton]], ''The Paradise of Thieves'', ''The Wisdom of Father Brown'', 1914.

* The purified righteous man has become a coin of the Lord, and has the impress of his King stamped upon him.
** [[Clement of Alexandria]], in Josiah Hotchkiss Gilbert, ''Dictionary of Burning Words of Brilliant Writers'' (1895), p. 104.

* I knew once a very covetous, sordid fellow who used to say, &quot;Take care of the pence, for the pounds will take care of themselves.&quot;
** [[Philip Stanhope, 4th Earl of Chesterfield]], Letters. Nov. 6, 1747; also Feb. 5, 1750. Quoting Lowndes. Reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 521-24.

* Where large sums of money are concerned, it is advisable to [[trust]] nobody.
** [[Agatha Christie]], ''Endless Night'' (1967).

* Endless money forms the sinews of war
** [[Marcus Tullius Cicero]], ''Philippics'', Oration V, sc. 5.

* I never heard of an old man forgetting where he had buried his money. Old people remember what interests them: the dates fixed for their [[lawsuit]]s, and the names of their debtors and creditors.
** [[Marcus Tullius Cicero]] (106–43 B.C.), Roman orator. ''De Senectute'', Ch. 6, Sc. 20.

* So pleasant it is to have money, heigh-ho! &lt;/br&gt;So pleasant it is to have money.
** [[Arthur Hugh Clough]] in ''Dipsychus'' (1862), Part I, scene ii.

* As I sat at the Café I said to myself,&lt;br&gt;They may talk as they please about what they call pelf,&lt;br&gt;They may sneer as they like about eating and drinking,&lt;br&gt;But help it I cannot, I cannot help thinking&lt;br&gt;  How pleasant it is to have money, heigh-ho!&lt;br&gt;  How pleasant it is to have money!
** [[Arthur Hugh Clough]], ''Spectator Ab Extra''. Reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 521-24.

* To cure us of our immoderate love of gain, we should seriously consider how many goods there are that money will not purchase, and these the best; and how many evils there are that money will not remedy, and these the worst.
** [[Charles Caleb Colton]], ''Lacon: Or, Many Things in Few Words : Addressed to Those who Think'' (1836), p.&amp;nbsp;149.

* No State shall enter into any Treaty, Alliance, or Confederation; grant Letters of Marque and Reprisal; coin Money; emit Bills of Credit; make any Thing but gold and silver Coin a Tender in Payment of Debts; pass any Bill of Attainder, ex post facto Law, or Law impairing the Obligation of Contracts, or grant any Title of [[Nobility]].
** [[w:The Constitution of the United States|The Constitution of the United States]], Article 1, Section 10, Clause 1 [http://www.archives.gov/national-archives-experience/charters/constitution_transcript.html].

* To make money honestly is to preach the gospel.
* Love is the grandest thing on God's earth, but fortunate the lover who has plenty of money.
** [[Russell Conwell]], ''Acres of Diamonds'' (1915)

* Money was made, not to command our will,&lt;br&gt;But all our lawful pleasures to fulfil.&lt;br&gt;Shame and woe to us, if we our wealth obey;&lt;br&gt;The horse doth with the horseman run away.
** [[Abraham Cowley]], ''Imitations'', ''Tenth Epistle of Horace'', Book I, line 75. Reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 521-24.

* To virgin minds, which yet their native whiteness hold,&lt;br&gt;Not yet discoloured with the love of gold&lt;br&gt;(That jaundice of the soul,&lt;br&gt;Which makes it look so gilded and so foul) ...
** [[Abraham Cowley]], “Of Greatness”.

* Stamps God's own name upon a lie just made,&lt;br&gt;To turn a penny in the way of trade.
** [[William Cowper]], ''Table Talk'', line 421. Reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 521-24.

==D ==
* I have never seen more [[United States Senate|senators]] express discontent with their jobs. … I think the major cause is that, deep down in our hearts, we have been accomplices to doing something terrible and unforgivable to this wonderful country. Deep down in our hearts, we know that we have bankrupted America and that we have given our children a legacy of [[bankruptcy]]. .. We have defrauded our country to get ourselves elected.
** [[John Danforth]], Republican senator from Missouri, reported in the Arizona Republic (21 April 1992).

* The lands and houses, the goods and merchandise and the money of the world are owned by a very few. All the rest in some way serve that few for so much as the law of life and trade permit them to exact.
** [[Clarence Darrow]], {{cite journal|title=The Cost of War|volume=1|issue=8|journal=The Little Review|date=November 1914|pages=6–7|url=https://books.google.com/books?id=6GMWAQAAMAAJ&amp;pg=RA7-PA6}}

* The sinews of affairs are cut.
** Attributed to [[Demosthenes]] by [[Æschines]], ''Adv. Ctesiphon''. Reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 521-24.

* The grabbing hands &lt;br&gt;  Grab all they can &lt;br&gt; All for themselves, after all &lt;br&gt;  It's a competitive world &lt;br&gt;  Everything counts in large amounts
** [[w:Depeche Mode|Depeche Mode]]; from the song, [[w:Everything Counts|Everything Counts]] (1983).

[[File:Louisiana State Lottery Drawing 1887 Children.jpg|thumb|Everybody needs money. That's why it's called &quot;money&quot;. ~ [[w:Danny DeVito|Danny Devito]]]]
* Everybody needs money. That's why it's called &quot;money&quot;.
** [[w:Danny DeVito|Danny Devito]], ''[[w:Heist (film)|Heist]]'' (2001).

* ... I realized that &quot;money talk,&quot; let's call it that way, is purposefully esoteric. Like, it's designed to ''not'' be understood — to create this aura around it — ... you, me, we shouldn't really concern ourselves with this, because it's too arcane and abstruse. Leave it to the specialists. And that's a power play ...
** {{W|Hernan Diaz (writer)|Hernan Diaz}}, in {{cite journal|title=Hernan Diaz Talks About His Book ''Trust'' and Writing with the Same Pen for 20 Years|date=May 4, 2022|journal=Late Night with Seth Myers, YouTube|url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pd_cv6g3xx8&amp;t=273s}} (quote at 4:33 of 7:57)

[[File:Disraeli.jpg|thumb|As a general rule, nobody has money who ought to have it.~ [[Benjamin Disraeli]]]]
* As a general rule, nobody has money who ought to have it.
** [[Benjamin Disraeli]], ''Endymion'' (1881), Chapter LXV.

* The sweet simplicity of the three per cents.
** [[Benjamin Disraeli]], in the House of Commons (Feb. 19, 1850). ''Endymion'' (1818), Chapter XCVI. Reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 521-24.

* &quot;The American nation in the Sixth Ward is a fine People,&quot; he says. &quot;They love th' eagle,&quot; he says. &quot;On the back iv a dollar.&quot;
** [[F. P. Donne]], ''Mr. Dooley in Peace and War'', ''Oratory on Politics''. Reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 521-24.

* Money never made a man happy yet, nor will it. There is nothing in its nature to produce happiness. The more a man has, the more he wants. Instead of its filling a vacuum, it makes one. If it satisfies one want, it doubles and trebles that want another way. That was a true proverb of the wise man, rely upon it: &quot;Better is little with the fear of the Lord, than great treasure, and trouble therewith.&quot;
** David Alfred Doudney ''&quot;Old Jonathan's&quot; jottings; or, Light and lessons from daily life'' (1869), p.&amp;nbsp;18; published earlier in the magazine ''Old Jonathan, or the Parish Helper''
** Often misattributed to [[Benjamin Franklin]]

== E ==
* [[Wine]] maketh [[Drunkenness|merry]]: but money answereth all things.
** Ecclesiastes. X. 19. Reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 521-24.

* Whoever loves money never has money enough; whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with his income. This too is meaningless.
** Book of Ecclesiastes 5: 10; (New International Version)

* If our nation can issue a dollar bond, it can issue a dollar bill. The element that makes the bond good, makes the bill good, also. The difference between the bond and the bill is the bond lets money brokers collect twice the amount of the bond and an additional 20%, whereas the currency pays nobody but those who contribute directly in some useful way. It is absurd to say that our country can issue $30 million in bonds and not $30 million in currency. Both are promises to pay, but one promise fattens the usurers and the other helps the people.
** [[Thomas Edison]], ''The New York Times'' (6 December 1921).

* The elegant simplicity of the three per cents.
** [[Lord Eldon]]. See Campbell, ''Lives of the Lord Chancellors'', Volume X, Chapter CCXII.

[[File:NSRW Ralph W Emerson.jpg|thumb|Money, which represents the prose of life, and is hardly spoken of in parlors without apology, is, in its effects and laws, as beautiful as roses. ~ [[Ralph Waldo Emerson]]]]
* Money, which represents the prose of life, and is hardly spoken of in parlors without apology, is, in its effects and laws, as beautiful as roses.
** [[Ralph Waldo Emerson]], &quot;Nominalist and Realist&quot;, ''Essays: second series'' (1844), [http://books.google.com/books?id=TVohAAAAMAAJ&amp;pg=PA252&amp;dq=%22Money,+which+represents+the+prose+of+life,+%22&amp;as_brr=1 p. 252]

* Money often costs too much.
** [[Ralph Waldo Emerson]], ''The Conduct of Life'' (1860), Chapter III, &quot;Wealth&quot;.

* It is not, believe me, the chief end of man that he should make a fortune and beget children whose end is likewise to make fortunes, but it is, in few words, that he should explore himself — an inexhaustible mine — and external nature is but the candle to illuminate in turn the innumerable and profound obscurities of the soul.
** [[Ralph Waldo Emerson]], “Address on Education”.

[[File:30円 ゴメン値！ 2.24で賞味期限切れてます。 (17263192061).jpg|thumb|If I can acquire money and also keep myself modest and faithful and magnanimous, point out the way, and I will acquire it. ~ [[Epictetus]]]]
* If I can acquire money and also keep myself modest and faithful and magnanimous, point out the way, and I will acquire it.
** [[Epictetus]], &quot;The Encheiridion, or Manual, XXIV&quot; (c. 135 A.D.), as translated by George Long, ''The Discourses of Epictetus with the Encheiridion and Fragments'' (1890), [http://books.google.com/books?id=7e0NAAAAYAAJ&amp;pg=PA388&amp;dq=%22If+I+can+acquire+money+and+also+keep+myself+modest+and+faithful+and+magnanimous,+point+out+the+way,+and+I+will+acquire+it%22 p. 388]

== F ==
* Almighty gold.
** [[George Farquhar]], ''Recruiting Officer'', III. 2. Reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 521-24.

* Penny saved is a penny got.
** [[Henry Fielding]], ''The Miser'' (1733), Act 3, Sc. 12.

* Ah, take the Cash in hand and waive the rest; &lt;/br&gt;Oh, the brave Music of a ''distant'' Drum!
** [[Edward FitzGerald (poet)|Edward FitzGerald]] (1809–1883), ''The Rubáiyát of Omar Khayyám'', 1st edn., 1859.

[[File:USCurrency Federal Reserve.jpg|thumb| Money. Cause of all evil, ''Auri sacra fames''. The god of the day—but not to be confused with Apollo. Politicians call it emoluments; lawyers, retainers; doctors, fees; employees, salary; workmen, pay; servants, [[wages]]. &quot;Money is not happiness.&quot;  ~ [[Gustave Flaubert]]]]
* Money. Cause of all evil, ''Auri sacra fames''. The god of the day—but not to be confused with Apollo. Politicians call it emoluments; lawyers, retainers; doctors, fees; employees, salary; workmen, pay; servants, [[wages]]. &quot;Money is not happiness.&quot;
** [[Gustave Flaubert]], ''Dictionary of Received Ideas'', c.1850-80.

* &quot;That's [[Mao Zedong|Mao]].&quot;&lt;br&gt;&quot;Do people still respect him?&quot;&lt;br&gt;&quot;The government pays lip service to his memory, but the hero worship of past eras is over.&quot;&lt;br&gt;&quot;And what about the ordinary people?&quot;&lt;br&gt;&quot;The so-called [[proletariat]]?&quot;&lt;br&gt;&quot;Yup.&quot;&lt;br&gt;&quot;They've found another god to follow.&quot;&lt;br&gt;&quot;[[Xi Jinping]]?&quot;&lt;br&gt;&quot;Money.&quot;
** [[Shamini Flint]], ''[[w:Inspector Singh Investigates: A Calamitous Chinese Killing|Inspector Singh Investigates: A Calamitous Chinese Killing]]''

* Millions of dollars later, and neither of them were happy. Money is wasted on the rich.
** [[w:Gillian Flynn|Gillian Flynn]], ''What Do You Do?'' in [[George R. R. Martin]] &amp; [[w:Gardner Dozois|Gardner Dozois]] (eds.) ''[[w:Rogues (anthology)|Rogues]]'' (2014), p. 57

[[File:Ford Henry.jpg|thumb|'''Money is only a tool in [[business]].''' It is just a part of the [[machinery]]. You might as well borrow 100,000 lathes as $100,000 if the trouble is inside your business. More lathes will not cure it; neither will more money. Only heavier doses of brains and thought and wise courage can cure. A business that misuses what it has will continue to misuse what it can get. ~ [[Henry Ford]]]]
* '''Money is only a tool in [[business]].''' It is just a part of the [[machinery]]. You might as well borrow 100,000 lathes as $100,000 if the trouble is inside your business. More lathes will not cure it; neither will more money. Only heavier doses of brains and thought and wise courage can cure. A business that misuses what it has will continue to misuse what it can get.
** [[Henry Ford]] and [[w:Samuel Crowther|Samuel Crowther]], ''[https://archive.org/stream/mylifeandwork00crowgoog#page/n10/mode/2up My Life and Work],'' Garden City Publishing Company, Inc., (1922), p. 157

* Let every man abide in the art or employment wherein he was called. And for their labor they may receive all necessary things, except money. ... Let none of the brothers, wherever he may be or whithersoever he may go, carry or receive money or coin in any manner, or cause it to be received, either for clothing, or for books, or as the price of any labor, or indeed for any reason, except on account of the manifest necessity of the sick brothers. 
** [[Francis of Assisi]], ''First Rule of the Friars Minor'', paragraph 8.

[[File:StFrancis part.jpg|thumb|We ought not to have more use and esteem of money and coin than of stones. And the devil seeks to blind those who desire or value it more than stones. ~ [[Francis of Assisi]]]]
* We ought not to have more use and esteem of money and coin than of stones. And the [[devil]] seeks to blind those who desire or value it more than stones. Let us therefore take care lest after having left all things we lose the kingdom of heaven for such a trifle. And if we should chance to find money in any place, let us no more regard it than the dust we tread under our feet. ... And let the brothers in nowise receive money for alms or cause it to be received, seek it or cause it to be sought.
** [[Francis of Assisi]], ''First Rule of the Friars Minor'', paragraph 8.

* There are three faithful friends,
:an old wife, an old dog, and ready money.
:* [[Benjamin Franklin]], ''[[Poor Richard's Almanack]]'' (1734).

* If you'd lose a troublesome visitor, lend him money.
** [[Benjamin Franklin]], ''Poor Richard's Almanack''.

[[File:Silver half rupee of Siva Simha.jpg|thumb|If you would know the value of money, go and try to borrow some. ~ [[Benjamin Franklin]]]]
* If you would know the value of money, go and try to borrow some.
** [[Benjamin Franklin]], &quot;Father Abraham's Speech&quot;, ''Poor Richard's Almanack'' (1758).

[[File:AC BR Kreislauf des Geldes 2024.jpg|thumb|The use of money is all the advantage there is in having money. ~ [[Benjamin Franklin]]]]
* The use of money is all the advantage there is in having money.
** [[Benjamin Franklin]], '''Necessary Hints to Those that would be Rich''' (1736).

* Remember, that [[time]] is money. He that can earn ten shillings a day by his labor, and goes abroad, or sits idle, one half of that day, though he spends but sixpence during his diversion or idleness, ought not to reckon that the only expense; he has really spent, or rather thrown away, five shillings besides. [...] Remember, that money is the prolific, generating nature. Money can beget money, and its offspring can beget more, and so on. Five shillings turned is six, turned again is seven and threepence, and so on, till it becomes a hundred pounds. The more there is of it, the more it produces every turning, so that the profits rise quicker and quicker. He that kills a breeding feline taint, destroys all her offspring to the thousandth generation. He that murders a crown, destroys all that it might have produced, even scores of pounds.
** Benjamin Franklin as quoted in [[Max Weber]]'s &quot;The Protestant Ethic and The Spirit of Capitalism&quot; (Penguin Books, 2002) translated by Peter Baehr and Gordon C. Wells, 9–12.

* 'Tis money that begets money.
** [[Thomas Fuller]], Proverb in, ''Gnomologia'' (1732).

== G ==
[[File:Money-flower.jpg|thumb|In numerous years following the war, the Federal Government ran a heavy surplus. It could not (however) pay off its debt, retire its securities, because to do so meant there would be no bonds to back the national bank notes. To pay off the debt was to destroy the money supply. ~ [[John Kenneth Galbraith]]]]
* In numerous years following the war, the [[Federal government of the United States|Federal Government]] ran a heavy surplus. It could not (however) pay off its debt, retire its securities, because to do so meant there would be no bonds to back the national bank notes. To pay off the debt was to destroy the money supply.
** [[John Kenneth Galbraith]], ''Money, Whence it Came, Where it Went'' (1975), p. 90

&lt;!-- Whoever controls the volume of money in any country is absolute master of all industry and commerce. --&gt;
* It would convert the Treasury of the United States into a manufactory of paper money. It makes [[United States Congress|the House of Representatives and the Senate]], or the caucus of the [[Political party|party]] which happens to be in the majority, the absolute [[Dictatorship|dictator]] of the financial and business affairs of this country. This scheme surpasses all the centralism and all the Caesarism that were ever charged upon the [[Republican Party (United States)|Republican party]] in the wildest days of the war or in the events growing out of [[American Civil War|the war]].
** [[James A. Garfield]], later 20th US President, commenting on a resolution offered by James Weaver of the Greenback Party that the government should issue all money, on the floor of the U.S. House of Representatives (1880-04-05), published in {{cite book
| title= Financial Catechism and History of the Financial Legislation of the United States from 1862-1896
| last= Brice
| first= S. M.
| publisher= Franklin Printing Co.
| location= Chicago
| year= 1882
| page=224
| url= http://books.google.com/books?id=u-goAAAAYAAJ&amp;pg=PA223
| accessdate=2009-01-08}}

* &quot;I would not steal a penny, for my income's very fair— &lt;/br&gt;I do not want a penny—I have pennies and to spare— &lt;/br&gt;And if I stole a penny from a money-bag or till, &lt;/br&gt;The sin would be enormous—the temptation being ''nil''.
** [[W. S. Gilbert]], ''Fifty 'Bab' Ballards, 'Mister William''' (1876).

* The earning of money should be a means to an end; for more than thirty years — I began to support myself at sixteen — I had to regard it as the end itself.
** [[George Gissing]], ''The Private Papers of Henry Ryecroft'' (1903).

* Money. You don’t know where it’s been,&lt;br&gt;but you put it where your mouth is.&lt;br&gt;And it talks.
** [[Dana Gioia]], ''Money''

* The money pigs of capitalist democracy… Money has made [[Slavery|slaves]] of us… Money is the curse of mankind. It smothers the seed of everything great and good. Every [[penny]] is sticky with sweat and blood. 
** [[Joseph Goebbels]], quoted in ''The Nazi Party: A Complete History 1919-1945'', Dietrich Orlow, New York: NY, Enigma Books, 2012, p 61. Goebbels’ article, “Nationalsozialisten aus Berlin und aus dem Reich”, ''Voelkischer Beobachter'', Feb. 4, 1927

[[File:Johann Heinrich Wilhelm Tischbein - Goethe in der roemischen Campagna.jpg|thumb|right|A man who works at another’s will, not for his own passion or his own need, but for money or honor, is always a fool. ~ [[Johann Wolfgang von Goethe]]]]
* ''Ein Mensch, der um anderer willen, ohne dass es seine eigene Leidenschaft, sein eigenes Bedürfnis ist, sich um Geld oder Ehre oder sonst etwas abarbeitet, ist immer ein Tor''.
** A man who works at another’s will, not for his own passion or his own need, but for money or honor, is always a fool.
*** [[Johann Wolfgang von Goethe]], ''Die Leiden des Jungen Werthers'' (''The Sorrows of Young Werther''), p. 46

* Most Americans have no real understanding of the operation of the international money lenders... The accounts of the [[Federal Reserve System]] have never been audited. It operates outside the control of Congress and... manipulates the credit of the United States.
** Sen. [[Barry Goldwater]] (R-AZ), ''With No Apologies: The Personal and Political Memoirs of United States Senator Barry M. Goldwater'' (1979).

* Your lovin' gives me a thrill &lt;br&gt; But your lovin' don't pay my bills &lt;br&gt; I need money — That's what I want.
** [[w:Berry Gordy|Berry Gordy]] and [[w:Janie Bradford|Janie Bradford]], in [[w:Money (That's What I Want)|Money (That's What I Want)]] (1959).

* With money, so they all profess — &lt;/br&gt;And I've no wish to beg the question — &lt;/br&gt;One cannot purchase [[Happiness]] &lt;/br&gt;Or Peace of [[Mind]], or yet [[Success]], &lt;/br&gt;Or a robust digestion; &lt;/br&gt;But one ''can'' buy a good cigar &lt;/br&gt;And plovers' eggs and caviare!
** [[Harry Graham]], 'The Millionaire', ''The World's Workers'' (1928).

*Whoever said money can't solve your problems must not have had enough money to solve them. 
**[[w:Ariana Grande|Ariana Grande]], [https://open.spotify.com/track/6ocbgoVGwYJhOv1GgI9NsF?si=60d45854410345de &quot;7 Rings&quot;], ''Thank U, Next'' (2018), New York: Republic Records

* It's all about money cause without money you dead&lt;br&gt;Ain't a damn thing funny&lt;br&gt; You gotta have a con in this land of milk and honey
** [[w:Grandmaster Flash|Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five]], &quot;[[w:The Message (song)|The Message]]&quot; (1982).

* If there's no money in poetry, neither is there poetry in money.
** [[Robert Graves]] (1895–1985), English novelist and poet. 'Mammon', ''Mammon and the Black Goddess'' (1965).

* It is true that the masses have always been led in one manner or another, and it could be said that their part in history consists primarily in allowing themselves to be led, since they represent a merely passive element, a &quot;matter&quot; in the Aristotelian sense of the word. But, to lead them today, it is sufficient to dispose of purely material means, … and this shows clearly to what depths our age has sunk. At the same time the masses are made to believe that they are not being led, but that they are acting spontaneously and governing themselves, and the fact that they believe this is a sign from which the extent of their stupidity may be inferred.
** [[René Guénon]], ''The Crisis of the Modern World'' (1927), p. 109.

== H ==
* Let your way of life be free of the love of money, while you are content with the present things. For he has said: “I will never leave you, and I will never abandon you.”
** ''Letter to the Hebrews 13:5''

* This bank-note world.
** [[Fitz-Greene Halleck]], ''Alnwick Castle''. Reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 521-24.

* Money is not coins and bank notes. Money is anything that people are willing to use in order to represent systematically the value of other things for the purpose of exchanging goods and services. 
** [[Yuval Noah Harari]], Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind (2011), Chapter 10: &quot;The Scent of Money&quot;

* The sum total of money in the world is about $60 trillion, yet the sum total of coins and bank notes is less than $6 trillion. '''More than 90% percent of all money - more than $50 trillion appearing in our accounts - exists only on computer servers.'''
** [[Yuval Noah Harari]], Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind (2011), Chapter 10: &quot;The Scent of Money&quot;

* Money is accordingly, a system of mutual trust, and not just any system of mutual trust: ''money is most universal and most efficient system of mutual trust ever devised. ''
** [[Yuval Noah Harari]], Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind (2011), Chapter 10: &quot;The Scent of Money&quot;

* Money is more open-minded than language, state law, cultural codes, religious beliefs and social habits. '''Money is the only trust system created by humans that can bridge almost any cultural gap, and does not discriminate on the basis of religion, gender, race, age or sexual orientation.'''
** [[Yuval Noah Harari]], Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind (2011), Chapter 10: &quot;The Scent of Money&quot;

* Money has been essential both for building empires and for promoting science. Neither modern armies nor university laboratories can be sustained without banks. 
** [[Yuval Noah Harari]], Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind (2011), Chapter 16: &quot;The Capitalist Creed&quot;

[[File:Commerce 10c 1975 issue U.S. stamp.jpg|thumb| To be controlled in our economic pursuits means to be always controlled unless we declare our specific purpose. Or, since when we declare our specific purpose we shall also have to get it approved, we should really be controlled in everything. ~ [[Friedrich Hayek]]]]
* To be controlled in our economic pursuits means to be always controlled unless we declare our specific purpose. Or, since when we declare our specific purpose we shall also have to get it approved, we should really be controlled in everything.
** [[Friedrich Hayek]], ''The Road to Serfdom'' (1944), Chapter 7, &quot;Economic Control and Totalitarianism&quot;.

* If you are different, you had better hide it, and pretend to be solemn and wooden-headed. Until you make your fortune. For most wooden-headed people worship money; and, really, I do not see what else they can do.
** [[Oliver Heaviside]], ''Electromagnetic Theory'' (1912), Volume III; &quot;The Electrician&quot;, p. 1.

* “The answer to ‘Why’ is always ‘Money.’”
** [[Robert A. Heinlein]], ''The Cat Who Walks Through Walls'' (1985), Chapter 27

* Get to live;&lt;br&gt;Then live, and use it; else, it is not true&lt;br&gt;    That thou hast gotten. Surely use alone&lt;br&gt;    Makes money not a contemptible stone.
** [[George Herbert]], ''The Temple'' (1633), ''The Church Porch'', Stanza 26. Reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 521-24.

* Would you know what money is, go borrow some.
** [[George Herbert]], ''Jackula prudentum'' (1640).

[[File:1000 KRW 2009 ob.jpg|thumb|Fight thou with shafts of silver, and o'ercome&lt;br&gt;When no force else can get the masterdome. ~ [[Robert Herrick (poet)|Robert Herrick]]]]
* Fight thou with shafts of silver, and o'ercome&lt;br&gt;When no force else can get the masterdome.
** [[Robert Herrick (poet)|Robert Herrick]], ''Money Gets the Mastery''. Reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 521-24.

* Every era has a currency that buys souls. In some the currency is pride, in others it is hope, in still others it is a holy cause. There are of course times when hard cash will buy souls, and the remarkable thing is that such times are marked by civility, tolerance, and the smooth working of everyday life.
** [[Eric Hoffer]], ''Before the Sabbath'' (1979), p.&amp;nbsp;139.

* How widely its agencies vary,—&lt;br&gt;To save, to ruin, to curse, to bless,—&lt;br&gt;As even its minted coins express,&lt;br&gt;Now stamp'd with the image of good Queen Bess,&lt;br&gt; And now of a Bloody Mary.
** [[Thomas Hood]], ''Miss Kilmansegg'', ''Her Moral''. Reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 521-24.

[[File:Di Quà chi Mangia e Dorme (3468131305).jpg|thumb|They may talk of the plugging and sweating &lt;/br&gt;Of our coinage that's minted of gold, &lt;/br&gt;But to me it produces no fretting &lt;/br&gt;Of its shortness of weight to be told: &lt;/br&gt;All the sov'reigns I'm able to levy &lt;/br&gt;As to lightness can never be wrong, &lt;/br&gt;But must surely be some of the heavy, &lt;/br&gt;''For I never can carry them long.'' ~ [[Thomas Hood]]]]
* They may talk of the plugging and sweating &lt;/br&gt;Of our coinage that's minted of [[gold]], &lt;/br&gt;But to me it produces no fretting &lt;/br&gt;Of its shortness of weight to be told: &lt;/br&gt;All the sov'reigns I'm able to levy &lt;/br&gt;As to lightness can never be wrong, &lt;/br&gt;But must surely be some of the heavy, &lt;/br&gt;''For I never can carry them long.''
** [[Thomas Hood]] (1799–1845), '''Epigram on the Depreciated Money', Hood's Own'', Second Series (1861).

* ''Quærenda pecunia primum est; virtus post nummos.''
** Money is to be sought for first of all; virtue after wealth.
** [[Horace]], ''Epistles'', I. 1. 53. Reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 521-24.

* ''... rem facias, rem, &lt;br&gt; si possis, recte, si non, quocumque modo, rem''
** Money, make money; by honest means if you can; if not, by any means make money.
** [[Horace]], ''Epistles'', I. 1. 65-66. Reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 521-24.

[[File:Berlin Invalidenstraße Geldzählerbrunnen Skulptur.jpg|thumb|Of what use is a fortune to me, if I can not use it? ~ [[Horace]]]]
* ''Quo mihi fortunam, si non conceditur uti?&lt;br&gt;  Of what use is a fortune to me, if I cannot use it?''
** [[Horace]], ''Epistles'', I. 5. 12. Reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 521-24.

* ''Et genus et formam regina pecunia donat.''
** All powerful money gives birth and beauty.
** [[Horace]], ''Epistles'', 1. 6. 37. Reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 521-24.

* ''Licet superbus ambules pecuniæ,&lt;br&gt;Fortuna non mutat genus.''
** Though you strut proud of your money, yet fortune has not changed your birth.
** [[Horace]], ''Epodi'', IV. 5. Reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 521-24.

[[File:Posta Romana - stamp - Quintus Horatius Flaccus 2400-in.jpg|thumb|right|The people hiss me, but I applaud myself at home, when I contemplate the money in my chest. ~ [[Horace]] ]]
* ''Populus me sibilat, at mihi plaudo&lt;br&gt;Ipse domi, simul ac nummos contemplor in arca.''
** The people hiss me, but I applaud myself at home, when I contemplate the money in my chest.
** [[Horace]], ''Satires'', I. 1. 66. Reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 521-24.

* [[Bourgeois]] society is ruled by equivalence. It makes the dissimilar comparable by reducing it to abstract quantities. To the [[Age of Enlightenment|enlightenment]], that which does not reduce to numbers, and ultimately to the one, becomes illusion.
** [[Max Horkheimer]] and [[Theodor Adorno]], ''[[Dialectic of Enlightenment]]'', John Cumming trans., p. 7

* '''MAKE MONEY. MAKE MORE MONEY. MAKE OTHER PEOPLE PRODUCE SO AS TO MAKE MORE MONEY.'''
** [[L. Ron Hubbard]], in &quot;Principles of Money Management&quot; (9 March 1972).

* Here then we may learn the fallacy of the remark... that any particular state is weak, though fertile, populous, and well cultivated, merely because it wants money. It appears that '''the want of money can never injure any state within itself: For men and commodities are the real strength of any community. It is the simple manner of living which here hurts the public, by confining the gold and silver to few hands, and preventing its universal diffusion and circulation.''' On the contrary, industry and refinements of all kinds incorporate it with the whole state, however small its quantity may be: They digest it into every vein, so to speak; and make it enter into every transaction and contract. 
** [[David Hume]], Of Money (1752) as quoted in ''David Hume: Writings on Economics'' (1955, 1970) ed., Eugene Rotwein, [https://archive.org/details/writingsoneconom0000hume/page/45/mode/1up p. 45.]

== I ==
*&quot;That's sixty thousand!&quot; cried Vorobyaninov.
:&quot;You're a rather nasty man,&quot; retorted Bender. &quot;You're too fond of money.&quot;
:&quot;And I suppose you aren't?&quot; squeaked Ippolit Matveyevich in a flutelike voice.
:&quot;No, I'm not.&quot;
:&quot;Then why do you want sixty thousand?&quot;
:&quot;On principle!&quot;
** [[Ilf and Petrov|Ilya Ilf and Yevgeny Petrov]], ''[[Ilf and Petrov#The Twelwe Chairs (1927)|The Twelve Chairs]]'', Chapter VI, translated from the Russian by John Richardson

* The almighty dollar, that great object of universal devotion throughout our land, seems to have no genuine devotees in these peculiar villages.
** [[Washington Irving]], ''Creole Village'', in ''Wolfert's Roost''. Appeared in ''Knickerbocker Magazine'' (Nov., 1836). Reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 521-24.

== J ==
* It is maintained by some that the bank is a means of executing the constitutional power &quot;to coin money and regulate the value thereof.&quot; Congress have established a mint to coin money and passed laws to regulate the value thereof. The money so coined, with its value so regulated, and such foreign coins as Congress may adopt are the only currency known to the Constitution. But if they have other power to regulate the currency, it was conferred to be exercised by themselves, and not to be transferred to a [[Corporations|corporation]]. If the bank be established for that purpose, with a charter unalterable without its consent, Congress have parted with their power for a term of years, during which the Constitution is a dead letter. It is neither necessary nor proper to transfer its legislative power to such a bank, and therefore unconstitutional.
** [[Andrew Jackson]], veto mesage regarding the [[w:Second Bank of the United States|Bank of the United States]] [http://avalon.law.yale.edu/19th_century/ajveto01.asp] (10 July 1832)
** Often paraphrased as: If Congress has the right under the constitution to issue paper money, it was given them to be used by themselves, not to be delegated to individuals or corporations.

* There should, I feel, be one branch &amp;#91;of the [[Black Panther Party]]&amp;#93; that is purely political, operating the rent strikes, the breakfast programs, the People's Bazaar's where all sorts of food are sold, hospitals or clinics (free, of course), and what I will term cottage shops to employ those who will work for the new medium of exchange&amp;mdash;[[love]] and [[loyalty]].
** [[Jonathan P. Jackson]], in ''[[Blood in My Eye]]'' (1971), p. 20

*Now, throughout [[history]], the right to coin money has been a symbol of [[sovereignty]]. If states do not have the right to coin money, they are not sovereign.
**[[Harry Jaffa]], [https://web.archive.org/web/20140109042428/http://www.independent.org/events/transcript.asp?id=9#02 &quot;The Real Abraham Lincoln: A Debate&quot;] (7 May 2002), ''The Independent Institute''

&lt;!-- I wish it were possible to obtain a single amendment to our constitution taking from the federal government their power of borrowing. --&gt;
* I wish it were possible to obtain a single amendment to our Constitution. I would be willing to depend on that alone for the reduction of the administration of our government to the genuine principles of its Constitution; I mean an additional article, taking from the [[Federal government of the United States|federal government]] the power of [[Government debt|borrowing]].
** [[Thomas Jefferson]], letter to John Taylor, 26 Nov 1798

&lt;!-- I believe that banking institutions are more dangerous to our liberties than standing armies. --&gt;
* And I sincerely believe, with you, that banking establishments are more dangerous than standing armies; and that the principle of [[Government spending|spending]] money to be paid by posterity, under the name of funding, is but swindling futurity on a large scale.
** [[Thomas Jefferson]], letter to John Taylor (28 May 1816).

[[File:Gospel of Luke Chapter 19-13 (Bible Illustrations by Sweet Media).jpg|thumb|[[Cleansing of the Temple| Jesus upsetting the money changers and their tables]] ... '''You cannot serve both God and money''' — Jesus]] 
* “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. '''You cannot serve both God and [[mammon|money (μαμωνᾷ)]].”''' The Pharisees, '''who [[wikt: φιλάργυρος#Ancient_Greek| loved money (φιλάργυροι)]],''' heard all this and sneered.
** [[Jesus]] in [[Luke]] 16:13-14, New International Version
** King James translations: [[s:Bible_(King_James)/Luke#16:13|Luke 16:13]] and [[s:Bible_(King_James)/Matthew#6:24|Matthew 6:24]]

* No money is better spent than what is laid out for domestic satisfaction.
** [[Samuel Johnson]], Stated on 14  April 1776, quoted in ''Boswell's Life of Samuel Johnson'' (1791).

* Whilst that for which all virtue now is sold,&lt;br&gt;And almost every vice, almighty gold.
** [[Ben Jonson]], ''Epistle to Elizabeth, Countess of Rutland''. Reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 521-24.

* Get money; still get money, boy;&lt;br&gt;No matter by what means.
** [[Ben Jonson]], ''Every Man in His Humour'', Act II, scene 3. Reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 521-24.

* ''Quantum quisque sua nummorum condit in arca,&lt;br&gt;Tantum habet et fidei.''
** Every man's credit is proportioned to the money which he has in his chest.
** [[Juvenal]], ''Satires'' (early 2nd century), III. 143. Reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 521-24.

* ''Ploratur lacrimis amissa pecunia veris.''
** Money lost is bewailed with unfeigned tears.
** [[Juvenal]], ''Satires'' (early 2nd century), XIII. 134. Reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 521-24.

* ''Crescit amor nummi quantum ipsa pecunia crescit.''
** The love of money grows as the money itself grows.
** [[Juvenal]], ''Satires'' (early 2nd century), XIV. 139. Reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 521-24.

* ''Ploratur lacrimis amissa pecunia veris.''

* Lost money is wept for with real tears.
** [[Juvenal]], Satires 13, v. 134.

* ''Crescit amor nummi quantum ipsa pecunia crescit,&lt;br/&gt;Et minus hanc optat, qu non habet.''

* Increase of wealth increases our desires&lt;br/&gt;And hew, who least possesses, least requires.
* Alt. Translation: The love of money grows as the money itself grows.
** [[Juvenal]], Satires 14, v. 139.

== K ==
* Throw money at a problem and it will remain.
** [[w:Tony Kakko|Tony Kakko]] (Sonata Arctica), ''Abandoned, Pleased, Brainwashed, Exploited''.

* The spark for a relationship might come for free—a look, a word. But the fuel to keep it going would always be expensive. Money might not buy happiness, but the lack of money could buy endless unhappiness for any two people.
** [[Kenn Kaufman]], ''Kingbird Highway'' (1997), Chapter 18, ''The Kenmare Convention''

* Things are simply so arranged that not all men can have money. Prometheus and Epimetheus, you say, were undeniably very wise, but all the same it is incomprehensible that when in other respects they endowed men so gloriously it did not occur to them to give them money also. 
** Soren Kierkegaard, ''Either/Or Part II'', 1843 Swenson 1944, 1971 p. 283

* It would undeniably be a superb invention by laughter to imagine eternity in a financial predicament-ah, but then let us weep a little because temporality has so completely forgotten eternity and forgotten that from the eternal point of view money is less that nothing! Alas, many are of the opinion that the eternal is a delusion and that money is the reality, whereas in the understanding of eternity and of truth money is a delusion. Think of eternity in whatever way you want to; only admit that many of the temporal things you have seen in temporality you wished to find again in eternity, that you wished to see the trees and the flowers and the stars again, to hear the singing of the birds and the murmuring of the brooks again, but, could it ever occur to you that there would be money in eternity? No, then the kingdom of heaven itself would again become a land of misery, and therefore this cannot possibly occur to you, just as it cannot possibly occur to someone who believes money is reality that there is an eternity.
** [[Soren Kierkegaard]] Works of Love, 1847 Hong 1995 p. 319

* Any man who spends his income, whether large or small, benefits the community by putting money in circulation.
** [[Arthur Kekewich|Kekewich]], J., ''In re Nottage'' (1895), L. R. 2 C. D. [1895], p.&amp;nbsp;653. Reported in James William Norton-Kyshe, ''The Dictionary of Legal Quotations'' (1904), p. 177.

* Ah, take the Cash, and let the Credit go,&lt;br&gt;Nor heed the rumble of a distant Drum!
** [[Omar Khayyam]], ''[[Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam]]'' (1120), Stanza 13. FitzGerald's translation. (&quot;Promise&quot; for &quot;credit&quot;; &quot;Music&quot; for &quot;rumble&quot; in 2nd ed). Reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 521-24.

* Money in the pocket, devil in the heart.
** [[Ivo Kozarčanin]], Gruop of Authors: Velika knjiga aforizama, Prosvjeta-Globus, Vol. IV, 1984

== L ==
* To borrow money, big money, you have to wear your hair in a certain way, walk in a certain way, and have about you an air of solemnity and majesty — something like the atmosphere of a Gothic cathedral.
** [[Stephen Leacock]], ''The Garden of Folly'' (1924), p.&amp;nbsp;102.

*[[w:Firestorm (comics)|Jefferson &quot;Jax&quot; Jackson]]: Is there anything you think about other than yourself?{{pb}}[[w:Captain Cold|Leonard Snart]]: Yes. Money.
**episode [[Legends_of_Tomorrow#Blood_Ties_%5B1.3%5D|&quot;Blood Ties&quot; of Season 1 of ''Legends of Tomorrow'']]

*Money is like an iron ring we've put through our noses. We've forgotten that we designed it, and it's now leading us around. I think it's time to figure out where we want to go--in my opinion toward sustainability and community--and then design a money system that gets us there.
**[[Bernard Lietaer]]    quoted in [http://library.uniteddiversity.coop/Money_and_Economics/Bernard_Lietaer/Interview_Yes%21.pdf Beyond Greed and Scarcity, Interview]  [[w:Yes! (U.S. magazine)|''YES! A Journal of Positive Futures'']], (Spring 1997)  

*'''For the first time in human history we have available the production [[Technology|technologies]] to create unprecedented abundance'''. All this converges into an extraordinary opportunity to combine the hardware of our technologies of abundance and the software of archetypal shifts. Such a combination has never been available at this scale or at this speed: it '''enables us to consciously design money to work for us, instead of us for it.''' I propose that we choose to develop money systems that will enable us to attain [[sustainability]] and community healing on a local and global scale. These objectives are in our grasp within less than one generation's time. Whether we materialize them or not will depend on our capacity to [[cooperate]] with each other to consciously reinvent our money.
**[[Bernard Lietaer]], [https://library.uniteddiversity.coop/Money_and_Economics/Bernard_Lietaer/Interview_Yes%21.pdf Beyond Greed and Scarcity, ''YES! A Journal of Positive Futures''], (Spring 1997)

*While economic textbooks claim that people and corporations are competing for markets and resources, I claim that in reality they are competing for money - using markets and resources to do so. So designing new money systems really amounts to redesigning the target that orients much human effort... Greed and competition are not a result of immutable [[Human nature|human temperament]]... greed and fear of scarcity are in fact being continuously created and amplified as a direct result of the kind of money we are using. For example, we can produce more than enough food to feed everybody, and there is definitely enough work for everybody in the world, but there is clearly not enough money to pay for it all. The [[scarcity]] is in our national currencies.  In fact, '''the job of central banks is to create and maintain that currency scarcity. The direct consequence is that we have to fight with each other in order to survive.''' 
**[[Bernard Lietaer]] quoted in  [http://library.uniteddiversity.coop/Money_and_Economics/Bernard_Lietaer/Interview_Yes%21.pdf Beyond Greed and Scarcity, Interview]  [[w:Yes! (U.S. magazine)|''YES! A Journal of Positive Futures'']], (Spring 1997)    
 
*Greed and competition are not a result of immutable human temperament... [[greed]] and [[fear]] of [[scarcity]] are in fact being continuously created and amplified as a direct result of the kind of money we are using. For example, we can produce more than enough food to feed everybody, and there is definitely enough work for everybody in the world, but there is clearly not enough money to pay for it all. The scarcity is in our national currencies. In fact, the job of [[Banking|central banks]] is to create and maintain that currency scarcity. The direct consequence is that we have to fight with each other in order to survive. 
**[[Bernard Lietaer]]    quoted in [http://library.uniteddiversity.coop/Money_and_Economics/Bernard_Lietaer/Interview_Yes%21.pdf Beyond Greed and Scarcity, Interview]  [[w:Yes! (U.S. magazine)|''YES! A Journal of Positive Futures'']], (Spring 1997)  

*Money is created when banks lend it into existence. When a bank provides you with a $100,000 [[mortgage]], it creates only the principal, which you spend and which then circulates in the economy. The bank expects you to pay back $200,000 over the next 20 years, but it doesn't create the second $100,000 - the interest. Instead, the bank sends you out into the tough world to battle against everybody else to bring back the second $100,000.
**[[Bernard Lietaer]]    quoted in [http://library.uniteddiversity.coop/Money_and_Economics/Bernard_Lietaer/Interview_Yes%21.pdf Beyond Greed and Scarcity, Interview]  [[w:Yes! (U.S. magazine)|''YES! A Journal of Positive Futures'']], (Spring 1997)  

* Your money's value is determined by a global casino of unprecedented proportions: $2 trillion are traded per day in foreign exchange markets, 100 times more than the trading volume of all the stockmarkets of the world combined. Only 2% of these foreign exchange transactions relate to the &quot;real&quot; economy reflecting movements of real goods and services in the world, and 98% are purely speculative. This global casino is triggering the foreign exchange crises which shook [[Mexico]] in 1994-5, [[Asia]] in 1997 and [[Russia]] in 1998. These emergencies are the dislocation symptoms of the old Industrial Age money system.
** [[w:Bernard Lietaer|Bernard Lietaer]], [http://www.transaction.net/money/book/ ''The Future of Money''] (2001).

* Money is an agreement within a community to use something as a medium of exchange.
** [[w:Bernard Lietaer|Bernard Lietaer]], ''The Future of Money'' (2001).

*My expertise lies in international finance and money systems. This is why I have adopted here a whole systems approach  to money. Whole systems take into account a broader, more comprehensive arena than economics does; it integrates not only economic interactions but also their most important side effects. This includes specifically in our case the effects of different money  systems on the quality of human interactions, on society at large, and  on ecological systems. 
**[[Bernard Lietaer]] in [https://archive.org/details/The_Future_of_Money-Bernard_Lietaer/page/n1/mode/2up ''The Future of Money : Creating New Wealth, Work and a Wiser World''] (December 2001) 

[[File:Blood is Blood Logo.png|thumb|In essence, money is a lifeblood flowing  through ourselves, our society, our global human community, and should be acknowledged and treated consciously. ~ [[Bernard Lietaer]]]]
*'''In essence, money is a lifeblood flowing  through ourselves, our society, our global human community, and should be acknowledged and treated consciously.''' 
**[[Bernard Lietaer]] in [https://archive.org/details/The_Future_of_Money-Bernard_Lietaer/page/n1/mode/2up ''The Future of Money : Creating New Wealth, Work and a Wiser World''] (December 2001) 

* We, as [[lawyers]], as men of business, as men of experience, know perfectly well what evils necessarily result from handing over a great family estate to a mortgagee in possession, whose only chance of getting his money is to sacrifice the interests of everybody to money-getting.
** [[Nathaniel Lindley, Baron Lindley]], L.J., ''In re Marquis of Ailesbury's Settled Estates'' (1891), L. J. Rep. 61 C. D. 123. Reported in James William Norton-Kyshe, ''The Dictionary of Legal Quotations'' (1904), p. 177.

* ''Nec quicquam acrius quam pecuniæ damnum stimulat.''
** Nothing stings more deeply than the loss of money.
** [[Livy]], ''Annales'', XXX. 44. Reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 521-24.

* That's just a lie we tell poor people to keep them from rioting in the streets.
** [[w:Eva Longoria Parker|Eva Longoria Parker]], ''[[Desperate Housewives]],'' in response to the claim that money can't buy happiness.

* Take care of the pence, and the pounds will take care of themselves.
** [[w:William Lowndes|William Lowndes]], Section of Treasury under William III, George I. Reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 521-24.

* As a rule, there is nothing that offends us more than a new kind of money.
** [[Robert Lynd]], ''The Pleasures of Ignorance'' (1921), p.&amp;nbsp;215.

* Only think about it, it’s mysticism. You take a paper, make a special drawing on it. And suddenly the magic begins. It’s not a paper anymore. It’s any thing. Any desire. Freedom. Conquered space… But the drawing has to be very precise. If one tiny curl is missing, it seems like it makes no difference. But that’s the end. The magic is already destroyed. The paper is just a paper. But if everything is in place, look at these iridescence, the subtle magical patterns, the strict lines!
** Russian: Как подумаешь, так ведь это мистика. Берется бумага, на ней делается специальный рисунок. И вдруг начинается колдовство. Это уже не бумага. Это любая вещь. Любое желание. Свобода. Покоренное пространство… Только рисунок должен быть очень точным. Не хватит одной крошечной завитушки — вроде какая разница. А уже всё. Уже колдовство разрушается. И бумага — только бумага. Но если все на месте — посмотрите, какие переливы, какие тонкие волшебные узоры, какие строгие линии!
** Olga and Alexander Lavrov, ''The Magical Patterns'' (''Волшебные узоры'')

== M ==
* But for money and the need of it, there would not be half the friendship in the world. It is powerful for good if divinely used. Give it plenty of air, and it is sweet as the hawthorn; shut it up, and it cankers and breeds worms.
** [[George MacDonald]], ''Paul Faber, Surgeon'' (1879), [http://books.google.com/books?id=WOYMAAAAYAAJ&amp;pg=PA33&amp;dq=%22But+for+money+and+the+need+of+it,+there+would+not+be+half+the+friendship+in+the+world%22 p. 33]

* This currency is nothing more than the evidence of service having been rendered for which an equivalent has not been received, but which may at any time be demanded. It is obvious that as soon as it has been rendered, the evidence of its being due must be given up to the debtor to be destroyed, and it will be no longer current. And if any man can render services to his neighbours, he must in return receive either other services, or the evidence of their being due; and if he renders more services than he immediately requires in return, he will accumulate a store of this evidence for his future wants. ...It is quite clear that its use is to measure and record debts, and to facilitate their transfer from one person to another; and whatever means be adopted for this purpose, whether it be gold, silver, paper, or anything else, is a currency. We may therefore lay down as our fundamental conception that ''Currency and Transferable Debt'' are convertible terms; whatever represents transferable debt of any sort is ''Currency'', and whatever material the currency may consist of, it represents transferable debt and nothing else.
** {{w|Henry Dunning Macleod}}, ''The Theory and Practice of Banking'' (1866) 2nd edition, [https://books.google.com/books?id=Ul7jgk8ZaYAC&amp;pg=PA16-IA3 Vol. 1, p. 16.]

* One cannot help regretting that where money is concerned, it is so much the rule to overlook moral obligations.
** Malins, V.-C., ''Ellis v. Houston'' (1878), L. R. 10 0. D. 240. Reported in James William Norton-Kyshe, ''The Dictionary of Legal Quotations'' (1904), p. 177.

* Up and down the City Road,&lt;br&gt; In and out the Eagle,&lt;br&gt;That's the way the money goes—&lt;br&gt; Pop goes the weasel!
** W. R. Mandale (attributed to), Popular street song in England in the late 1850s, sung at the Grecian Theatre. Reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922) p. 521-24.

[[File:Stack of 100 dollar bills.jpg|thumb|right|It's no trick to make a lot of money, if all you want to do is make a lot of money. ~ &quot;Everett Sloane&quot; in ''[[Citizen Kane]]'']]
* It's no trick to make a lot of money, if all you want to do is make a lot of money.
**[[w:Herman Mankiewicz|Herman Mankiewicz]] and [[Orson Welles]] in ''[[Citizen Kane]]''; lines in screenplay for &quot;Everett Sloane&quot;.

* [[Capital]] is money: Capital is [[w:Commodity (Marxism)|commodities]]. In truth, however, value is here the active factor in a process, in which, while constantly assuming the form in turn of money and commodities, it at the same time changes in magnitude, differentiates itself by throwing off surplus-value from itself; the original value, in other words, expands spontaneously. For the movement, in the course of which it adds surplus-value, is its own movement, its expansion, therefore, is automatic expansion. Because it is value, it has acquired the occult quality of being able to add value to itself. It brings forth living offspring, or, at the least, lays golden eggs. Value, therefore, being the active factor in such a process, and assuming at one time the form of money, at another that of commodities, but through all these changes preserving itself and expanding, it requires some independent form, by means of which its identity may at any time be established. And this form it possesses only in the shape of money. It is under the form of money that value begins and ends, and begins again, every act of its own spontaneous generation. It began by being £100, it is now £110, and so on. But the money itself is only one of the two forms of value. Unless it takes the form of some commodity, it does not become capital. There is here no antagonism, as in the case of hoarding, between the money and commodities. The capitalist knows that all commodities, however scurvy they may look, or however badly they may smell, are in faith and in truth money, inwardly circumcised [[Judaism|Jews]], and what is more, a wonderful means whereby out of money to make more money.
** [[Karl Marx]], Das Kapital, Vol. I, pg. 107.

*Money, then, appears as this ''overturning'' power both against the individual and against the bonds of society, etc.,which claim to be ''essences'' in themselves. It transforms fidelity into infidelity, love into hate, hate into love, virtue into vice, vice into virtue, servant into master, master into servant, idiocy into intelligence and intelligence into idiocy. 
** [[Karl Marx]], ''Economic and Philosophic Manuscripts of 1844''

* Money plays the largest part in determining the course of history
** [[Karl Marx]], ''Communist Manifesto''.

* I who can have, through the power of money, ''everything'' for which the human heart longs, do I not possess all human abilities? Does not my money, therefore, transform all my incapacities into their opposites?
** [[Karl Marx]], ''Economical and Philosophical Manuscripts'' (1844).

* Money is not a thing, but a social relation.
** [[Karl Marx]], ''The Poverty of Philosophy'' (1847)

* Since money does not disclose what has been transformed into it, everything, whether a commodity or not, is convertible into gold. Everything becomes sellable and purchasable. Circulation is the great social retort into which everything is thrown and out of which everything is recovered as crystallized money. Not even the bones of the saints are able to withstand this alchemy; and still less able to withstand it are more delicate things, sacrosanct things which are outside the commercial traffic of men. Just as all qualitative differences between commodities are effaced in money, so money, a radical leveller, effaces all distinctions. But money itself is a commodity, an external object, capable of becoming the private property of an individual. Thus [[social power]] becomes private power in the hands of a private person.&lt;!--pp. 23-24, Mumford, 1963 paper edition--&gt;
** [[Karl Marx]], ''{{w|Capital: Critique of Political Economy}}'' (1867-1883) as translated by [[Lewis Mumford]], ''{{w|Technics and Civilization}}'' (1934) Ch. 1 Cultural Preparation, 4: ''The Influence of Capitalism.''

* ''Luat in corpore, qui non habet in ære.''
** Who can not pay with money, must pay with his body.
** ''Law Maxim''. Reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 521-24.

* Late to bed and late to wake will keep you long on money and short on mistakes.
** [[w:Aaron McGruder|Aaron McGruder]] in ''The Boondocks'' (10 July 2001).

*If the American people ever allow private banks to control the issue of their currency, first by inflation, then by deflation, the banks and the corporations which grow up around them will deprive the people of all property until their children wake up [[w:Homelessness in the United States|homeless]] on the continent their fathers conquered.
** Charles C. Mayer, ''Hearings Before the Committee on Banking and Currency, House of Representatives'', Seventy-fourth Congress, First Session, on H.R. 5357

* And there is all the difference in the world between paying and being paid. The act of paying is perhaps the most uncomfortable infliction that the two orchard thieves entailed upon us. But ''being paid'', — what will compare with it?
** [[Herman Melville]], ''Moby Dick'' (1851).

* Money couldn't buy friends, but you got a better class of enemy.
** [[Spike Milligan]], Mrs. Doonan, in ''Puckoon'' (1963), Chapter 6.

* Mammon, the least erected spirit that fell
: From heaven; for ev’n in heaven his looks and thoughts
: Were always downward bent, admiring more
: The riches of heaven’s pavement, trodden gold,
: Than aught divine or holy.
:* [[John Milton]], ''Paradise Lost'', Book I, lines 679-683.

* Money brings honor, friends, conquest, and realms.
** [[John Milton]], ''[[Paradise Regained]]'' (1671), Book II, line 422. Reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 521-24.

* ''Les beaux yeux de ma cassette!&lt;br&gt;Il parle d'elle comme un amant d'une maitresse.''
** The beautiful eyes of my money-box!&lt;br&gt;  He speaks of it as a lover of his mistress.
** [[Molière]], ''L'Avare'', V, 3. Reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 521-24.

* Public opinion always wants easy money, that is, low interest rates.
** [[Ludwig von Mises]], ''A Critique of Interventionism'', (1929) p.&amp;nbsp;163.

* Inflation is an increase in the quantity of money without a corresponding increase in the demand for money, i.e., for cash holdings.
** [[Ludwig von Mises]], in [https://fee.org/library/books/the-free-market-and-its-enemies/ &quot;The Free Market and Its Enemies&quot; (1951)], a speech to the Foundation for Economic Education.

* I like to carry some cash because you feel like you can cope with any situation — such as being mugged. I always try to have about £50 in my pocket just for convenience, really.
** [[w:David Mitchell (actor)|David Mitchell]], in his interview in with Nick McGarth ''The Daily Mail'' (16 July 2008).

* Truly, it is not want, but rather abundance, that breeds avarice.
** [[Michel de Montaigne]], in &quot;That the taste of good and evil depends, for a good part, on the idea we have of them&quot; in ''The Essays,'' Bk. I, Chapter 14, 1st edition (1580).

* Money is gold, and nothing else.
** [[J. P. Morgan]], [https://www.zerohedge.com/news/2014-11-21/gold-money-and-nothing-else-jp-morgans-full-december-1912-testimony-congress December 1912 Testimony]

* Common people do not make such distinction between money and [[land]], as persons conversant in Law Matters do.
** [[William Murray, 1st Earl of Mansfield|Lord Mansfield]], ''Hope v. Taylor'' (1756), 1 Burr. Part IV. 272. Reported in James William Norton-Kyshe, ''The Dictionary of Legal Quotations'' (1904), p. 177.

* It has been quaintly said &quot;that the reason why money cannot be followed is, because it has no ear-mark &quot;: But this is not true. The true reason is, upon account of the currency of it: it cannot be recovered after it has passed in currency.
** [[William Murray, 1st Earl of Mansfield|Lord Mansfield]], ''Miller v. Race'' (1785), 1 Burr. Part IV. 457. Reported in James William Norton-Kyshe, ''The Dictionary of Legal Quotations'' (1904), p. 177.

* I am a great friend to the action for money had and received: it is a very beneficial action, and founded on principles of eternal justice.
** [[William Murray, 1st Earl of Mansfield|Lord Mansfield]], C.J., ''Towers v. Barrett'' (1786), 1 T. R. 134. Reported in James William Norton-Kyshe, ''The Dictionary of Legal Quotations'' (1904), p. 177.

== O ==
* When the last [[Trees|tree]] is cut, the last [[fish]] is caught, and the last [[Rivers|river]] is [[Pollution|polluted]]; when to [[Breathing|breathe]] the [[air]] is sickening, you will realize, too late, that [[wealth]] is not in bank accounts and that you can’t eat money.
** [[w:Alanis Obomsawin|Alanis Obomsawin]], ''Who is the Chairman of This Meeting?: A Collection of Essays'' (1972), edited by Ralph Osborne, as quoted in “Conversations with North American Indians” by Ted Poole, Page 43, Neewin Publishing Company, Toronto.

* Money is one of humankind's most important [[invention]]s and is now the basis for decision-making at most levels of society. The downside to our preoccupation with monetary values is that our money system does not take into account all the real costs and values of living. Money is not directly involved with natural wealth, which is not only the ultimate basis for human material wealth but also provides the life-supporting goods and services such as air and {{w|water recycling}} and {{w|Water purification|purification}}, soil enrichment, atmospheric balances, and so on. Nor can money adequately valuate the aesthetic enjoyment of natural beauty, the arts, literature, and so on. ... the gross domestic product (GDP), the standard measure of economic progress, does not include social and ecological costs.
** [[Eugene Odum|Eugene P. Odum]], {{cite book|url=https://books.google.com/books?id=wKEWAgAAQBAJ&amp;pg=PA43 |page=43 |title=Ecological Vignettes | isbn=978-1-134-41477-2 | date=14 November 2013 | publisher=Routledge }} (1st edition, 1998)

* If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
** [[Aristotle Onassis]], quoted in ''Aristotle Onassis: A Biography'' (1977), by Nicholas Fraser.

* Since money belongs to the community … it would seem that the community may control it as it wills, and therefore may make as much profit from alteration as it likes, and treat money as its own property.
** [[Nicole Oresme]] ''Traictie de la Première Invention des Monnoies'' (1355) Ch. 22: ''Whether the community may alter money.''

* ''In pretio pretium nunc est; dat census honores,&lt;br&gt;Census amicitias; pauper ubique jacet.''
** Money nowadays is money; money brings office; money gains friends; everywhere the poor man is down.
** [[Ovid]], ''Fasti'', I. 217. Reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 521-24.

== P ==
*Children are not obligated to save up for their parents, but parents for their children.
**[[Paul of Tarsus]], in 2 Corinthians 12:14 (English Standard Version)

[[File:Victor Dubreuil - 'Money to Burn', oil on canvas, 1893.jpg|thumb|right|The love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows. ~ [[Paul of Tarsus]] ]]
* For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.
** [[Paul of Tarsus]], in [[s:Bible_(King_James)/1_Timothy#6:10|1 Timothy 6:10]] [[s:Bible (King James)|KJV]] (The King James Bible)
** Latin translation is ''[[w:Radix malorum est cupiditas|Radix malorum est cupiditas]]''.
[[File:Melchora100pesos.jpg|thumb|right|{{cleanup}}100 peso bill we have now all this is an we have now all this is an [[w:Philippine peso|Philippine peso]] we have in English Series.]]
[[File:PHI-68c-Philippine Islands-Treasury Certificate-1 Peso (1924).jpg|thumb|right|1 Peso bill Philippine peso in Series of 1918 black on green on back green]]

* My father told me that when you're working, don't stop to count your money.
** [[Pelé]], as reported in ''Pelé: A biography'' (1976), James Haskins, p.&amp;nbsp;132.

*There are a precious few whose studies are sound and honest and whose goal is truth and virtue. This is the knowledge of things and the improvement of moral conduct. … As for the others, of whom there is an enormous mass, some seek glory, an insipid, yet gleaming prize. But the majority aims only at the gleam of money, which is not only a rather poor reward, but dirty, and neither equal to the trouble involved, nor worthy of efforts of the mind.
** [[Petrarch]], “On the Various Academic Titles,” ''[[De remediis utriusque fortunae]]'', C. Rawski, trans. (1967), pages. 72-73

[[File:Chicklet-currency.jpg|thumb|right|What power has law where only money rules? ~ [[Petronius]] ]]
* ''Quid faciant leges, ubi sola pecunia regnat?''
** What power has law where only money rules?
** [[Petronius]], Satyricon, Cap. XIV.

* Money &lt;br&gt; It's a crime &lt;br&gt; Share it fairly &lt;br&gt; But don't take a slice of my pie. &lt;br&gt; Money &lt;br&gt; So they say &lt;br&gt; Is the root of all evil today.
** [[w:Pink Floyd|Pink Floyd]], &quot;[[w:Money (Pink Floyd song)|Money]]&quot;, ''[[w:The Dark Side of the Moon|The Dark Side of the Moon]]'' (1973).

* Are you not ashamed that you give your attention to acquiring as much money as possible, and similarly with reputation and honor, and give no attention or thought to truth and understanding and the perfection of your soul?
** [[Plato]], ''Apology'', 29e

* Money is a dangerous subject. Polite conversation avoids it. You may talk about economics, but not raw money…
** [[Max Plowman]], in &quot;Money and The Merchant&quot; in ''Adelphi'' magazine (September 1931).

* Of what use is money in the hands of [[fools]]&lt;br&gt;when they have no heart to acquire [[wisdom|wisdom?]]
** [[Book of Proverbs|Proverbs]] 17:16

* &quot;Get Money, money still!&lt;br&gt;And then let virtue follow, if she will.&quot;&lt;br&gt;This, this the saving doctrine preach'd to all,&lt;br&gt;From low St. James' up to high St. Paul.
** [[Alexander Pope]], ''First Book of Horace'', Epistle I, line 79. Reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 521-24.

* Trade it may help, society extend,&lt;br&gt;But lures the Pirate, and corrupts the friend:&lt;br&gt;It raises armies in a nation's aid,&lt;br&gt;But bribes a senate, and the land's betray'd.
** [[Alexander Pope]], ''Moral Essays'' (1731-35), Epistle III, line 29. Reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 521-24.

* When Gold argues the cause, eloquence is impotent.
** [[Publius Syrus]], ''The Moral Sayings of Publius Syrus'', # 65.

== R ==
* Subject to a kind of disease, which at that time they called lack of money.
** [[François Rabelais]], ''Works'', Book II, Chapter XVI. Reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 521-24.

* ''Point d'argent, point de Suisse.''
** No money, no Swiss.
** [[Jean Racine]], ''Plaideurs'', I. 1. Reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 521-24.

* Money and friendship bribe justice.&lt;br&gt;Beauty is potent, but money is omnipotent.
** [[John Ray]], ''[http://books.google.com/books?id=ofEIAAAAQAAJ A compleat collection of English proverbs. To which is added, A collection of English words not generally used].'' 1670/1813. Next page numbers from 1813 ed. p. 94.

*'''Judas''': I don't need your blood money!
:'''Annas''': But you might as well take it. We think that you should.
:'''Caiaphas''': Think of the things you could do with that money, Choose any charity - give to the poor. We've noted your motives. We've noted your feelings. This isn't blood money - it's a ...
:'''Annas''': A fee.
:'''Caiaphas''': A fee nothing more.
:* [[Jesus Christ Superstar]], lyrics by Tim Rice (1970)

* Ohhhh &lt;br&gt; All I see is signs &lt;br&gt; All I see is dollar signs &lt;br&gt; Ohhhh &lt;br&gt; Money on my mind &lt;br&gt; Money, money on my mind.
** [[Rihanna]] ''Pour It Up''

* I am more concerned with the return ''of'' my money than the return ''on'' my money.
** [[Will Rogers]], quoted in ''Will Rogers Performer'', p.&amp;nbsp;292.

* Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs repainting.
** [[Billy Rose]], as quoted in ''The New York Post'' (26 October 1957).

* The lifeblood of [[Economy of the United States|our economy]], indeed [[World economy|the whole world's economy]], is based on money. Without a currency that can be trusted, the entire structure of economics, the [[division of labor]] itself, falls apart. Our wealth, our well being and our very lives are dependent on the continuation of this highly complex structure called the economy and it in turn is dependent on sound money. We have placed our trust for the management of this money on a gang of thieves called the [[Federal Reserve System|Federal Reserve]]. They have now clearly demonstrated their inability to restrain themselves from the excesses that can be perpetrated within a paper money system. If we want to survive as a nation, we need to eliminate both the Federal Reserve and paper money.
** Lou Poumakis, &quot;[http://www.nolanchart.com/article6117.html Economic Disaster, its Cause and Cure]&quot; (8 March 2009).

* It is when money looks like manna that we truely delight in it.
** [[w:J. B. Priestly|J. B. Priestly]], ''Delight'' (1949), p.&amp;nbsp;134.

* Did you get your money by [[fraud]]? By pandering to men’s [[vices]] or men’s [[stupidity]]? By catering to fools, in the hope of getting more than your ability deserves? By lowering your standards? By doing work you despise for purchasers you scorn? If so, then your money will not give you a moment’s or a penny’s worth of joy. Then all the things you buy will become, not a tribute to you, but a reproach; not an achievement, but a reminder of [[shame]]. Then you’ll scream that money is evil.
** [[Ayn Rand]], Francisco d’Anconia in ''[[Atlas Shrugged]]'' (New York: 1992), p. 384.

* Money is only a tool. It will take you wherever you wish, but it will not replace you as the driver.
** [[Ayn Rand]], ''Atlas Shrugged'' (1957).

* Watch money. Money is the barometer of a society’s virtue. When you see that trading is done, not by consent, but by Compulsion – when you see that in order to produce, you need to obtain permission from men who produce nothing – when you see that money is flowing to those who deal, not in goods, but in favors – when you see that men get richer by graft and by pull than by work, and your laws don’t protect you against them, but protect them against you – when you see corruption being rewarded and honesty becoming self-sacrifice you may know that your society is doomed. Money is so noble a medium that it does not compete with guns and it does not make terms with brutality. It will not permit a country to survive as half-property, half-loot.
** [[w:Ayn Rand|Ayn Rand]], ''Atlas Shrugged'' (1957), p. 385.

* I think it a greater theft to Rob the dead of their Praise, then the Living of their Money.
** [[Edward Ravenscroft]], Preface to ''Titus Andronicus, or the Rape of Lavinia'' (1686); quoted in ''The Shakespeare Allusion-Book: A Collection of Allusions to Shakespeare from 1591-1700,'' vol 2, ed. John Munro (1932).

* Money can make you do ghastly things.
** [[w:R. Garcia y Robertson|R. Garcia y Robertson]], ''Ring Rats'' (2002), reprinted in [[w:David G. Hartwell|David G. Hartwell]] (ed.), ''[[w:The Space Opera Renaissance|The Space Opera Renaissance]],'' {{ISBN|0-765-30618-2}}, p. 527

[[File:Rats holding money coins.jpg|thumb|right|I know of nothing more despicable and pathetic than a man who devotes all the hours of the waking day to the making of money for money's sake. ~ [[John D. Rockefeller]] ]]
* I know of nothing more despicable and pathetic than a man who devotes all the hours of the waking day to the making of money for money's sake.
** [[John D. Rockefeller]], as quoted in ''Money and Class in America'' (1988) by Lewis H. Lapham, note to Ch. 8.

* Never allow yourself to get caught without a loose million handy.
** [[w: Nathan Mayer Rothschild, 1st Baron Rothschild|Lord Nathaniel Rothschild]], As quoted as being one of his favourite sayings (on a visit to Cecil Rhodes in South Africa) in the book by Antony Thomas, ''Rhodes, The Race for Africa'' (1996).

* The real truth of the matter is, as you and I know, that a financial element in the large centers has owned the government of the U.S. since the days of [[Andrew Jackson]].
** [[Franklin D. Roosevelt]], 32nd US President, letter to Col. Edward Mandell House (21 November 1933); as quoted in ''F.D.R.: His Personal Letters, 1928-1945'', edited by Elliott Roosevelt (New York: Duell, Sloan and Pearce, 1950), pg. 373.

[[File:Jean-Jacques Rousseau (painted portrait).jpg|thumb|right|The money which a man possesses is the instrument of freedom.; that which we eagerly pursue is the instrument of slavery. ~ [[Jean-Jacques Rousseau]]]]
* I worship [[freedom]]; I abhor restraint, trouble, dependence. As long as the money in my purse lasts, it assures my independence; it relieves me of the trouble of finding expedients to replenish it, a necessity which has always inspired me with dread; but the fear of seeing it exhausted makes me hoard it carefully. '''The money which a man possesses is the instrument of freedom.; that which we eagerly pursue is the instrument of [[slavery]].''' Therefore I hold fast to that which I have, and desire nothing.
** [[Jean-Jacques Rousseau]], ''Confessions'' (Wordsworth: 1996), p. 35.

* '''Money is the source of all the false ideas of society.'''
** [[Jean-Jacques Rousseau]], ''[[Emile, or On Education]]'' (1762), Book III.

* The best way to keep money in perspective is to have some.
** [[Louis Rukeyser]], ''How to Make Money in Wall Street'' (1976), p.&amp;nbsp;1.

* Ask a great money-maker what he wants to do with his money,—he never knows. He doesn't make it to do anything with it. He gets it only that he ''may'' get it.
** [[John Ruskin]], ''The Crown of Wild Olives'' (1886).

== S ==
* Money is power, freedom, a cushion, the root of all evil, the sum of blessings.
** [[Carl Sandburg]], ''The People, Yes'', s. 65. (1936).

* A [[w:Mafia|Mafioso]] businessman’s number one priority is not to make money, but to hand out receipts in order to justify money that he already has.
** [[Roberto Saviano]], ''[https://www.davidlammy.co.uk/single-post/2016/05/31/Roberto-Saviano-Dirty-Money-in-London-event-1 Dirty Money in London event]'' (May 31, 2016),  translated by Claudia Colvin.

* Money moves in, and people move out.
** [[Roberto Saviano]], ''[https://www.davidlammy.co.uk/single-post/2016/05/31/Roberto-Saviano-Dirty-Money-in-London-event-1 Dirty Money in London event]'' (May 31, 2016),  translated by Claudia Colvin.

* ''Money'' is human happiness in the abstract; and so the man who is no longer capable of enjoying such happiness in the concrete, sets his whole heart on money.
** [[Arthur Schopenhauer]], ''Parerga and Paralipomena'' (1851).

* People are often reproached because their desires are directed mainly to money and they are fonder of it than of anything else. Yet it is natural and even inevitable for them to love that which, as an untiring Proteus, is ready at any moment to convert itself into the particular object of our fickle desires and manifold needs. Thus every other blessing can satisfy only one desire and one need; for instance, food is good only to the hungry, wine only for the healthy, medicine for the sick, a fur coat for winter, women for youth, and so on. Consequently, all these are only … relatively good. Money alone is the absolutely good thing because it meets not merely one need ''in concreto'', but needs generally ''in abstracto''.
** [[Arthur Schopenhauer]], “Aphorisms on the Wisdom of Life,” ''Parerga und Paralipomena'', E. Payne, trans. (1974) Vol. 1, pp. 347-348.

* Money never made any man rich. Contrariwise, there is not any man that hath gathered store of it together that is not become more covetous.
** [[Seneca the Younger]], ''Ad Lucilium epistulae morales'', letter 119.

* When I was stamp'd, some coiner with his tools&lt;br&gt;Made me a counterfeit.
** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[Cymbeline]]'' (1611), Act II, scene 5, line 5.

* No, they cannot touch me for coining; I am the king himself.
** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[King Lear]]''.

* For they say, if money go before, all ways do lie open.
** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[The Merry Wives of Windsor]]'' (c. 1597; published 1602), Act II, scene 2, line 173.

* Money is a good soldier, sir, and will on.
** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[The Merry Wives of Windsor]]'' (c. 1597; published 1602), Act II, scene 2, line 175.

* Why, give him gold enough and marry him to a puppet or an aglet-baby or an old trot with ne'er a tooth in her head, though she have as many diseases as two-and-fifty horses; why, nothing comes amiss, so money comes withal.
** [[William Shakespeare]], ''[[The Taming of the Shrew]]'' (c. 1593-94), Act I, scene 2, line 78.

* Commerce has set the mark of selfishness,&lt;br&gt;The signet of its all-enslaving power,&lt;br&gt;Upon a shining ore, and called it gold;&lt;br&gt;Before whose image bow the vulgar great,&lt;br&gt;The vainly rich, the miserable proud,&lt;br&gt;The mob of peasants, nobles, priests and kings,&lt;br&gt;And with blind feelings reverence the power&lt;br&gt;That grinds them to the dust of misery.&lt;br&gt;But in the temple of their hireling hearts&lt;br&gt;Gold is a living god and rules in scorn&lt;br&gt;All earthly things but virtue.
** [[Percy Bysshe Shelley]], ''Queen Mab'' (1813), Part IV.

[[File:Buoyancy.svg|thumb|right|Money expresses all qualitative differences of things in terms of &quot;how much?&quot; Money, with all its colorlessness and indifference, becomes the common denominator of all values; irreparably it hollows out the core of things, their individuality, their specific value, and their incomparability. All things float with equal [[w:specific gravity|specific gravity]] in the constantly moving stream of money. All things lie on the same level and differ from one another only in the size of the area which they cover. ~ [[Georg Simmel]] ]]
* Money expresses all qualitative differences of things in terms of &quot;how much?&quot; Money, with all its colorlessness and indifference, becomes the common denominator of all values; irreparably it hollows out the core of things, their individuality, their specific value, and their incomparability. All things float with equal specific gravity in the constantly moving stream of money. All things lie on the same level and differ from one another only in the size of the area which they cover.
** [[Georg Simmel]], “The Metropolis and Modern Life” (1903).

* The brutality of a man purely motivated by monetary considerations … often does not appear to him at all as a moral delinquency, since he is aware only of a rigorously logical behavior, which draws the objective consequences of the situation.
** [[Georg Simmel]], “Domination,” ''On Individuality and Social Forms'' (1971), p. 110.

* Worldly success, measured by the accumulation of money, is no doubt a very dazzling thing; and all men are naturally more or less the admirers of worldly success.
** [[w:Samuel Smiles|Samuel Smiles]] (1812–1904), Scottish author and reformer. 'Money: Its Use and Abuse', ''Self-Help'' (1856), Chapter 10.

* [[Bread]] is made for [[laughter]], and wine makes life enjoyable; but money answers every need.
** [[Solomon]], ''Ecclesiastes 10:19''

* πολλοί τοι πλουτοῦσι κακοί, ἀγαθοὶ δὲ πένονται:
: ἀλλ᾽ ἡμεῖς τούτοις οὐ διαμειψόμεθα
: τῆς ἀρετῆς τὸν πλοῦτον, ἐπεὶ τὸ μὲν ἔμπεδον αἰεί,
: χρήματα δ᾽ ἀνθρώπων ἄλλοτε ἄλλος ἔχει.
:* Many bad men are rich, many good men are poor. But we will not exchange wealth for virtue along with them. One man has money now, another has money at another time. Money goes around, whereas virtue endures.
::* [[Solon]], Fragment 4 (West), also attributed to [[Theognis]]

* The [[Citizenship|citizens]] themselves are willing, by their follies and obedience to money, to destroy [[Athens|this great city]].
** [[Solon]], Elegiac Poems, in ''Early Greek Philosophy: Beginnings and Ionian Thinkers'' Loeb Classical Library Volume 525 (2016), p. 114

* οὐδὲν γὰρ ἀνθρώποισιν οἷον ἄργυρος κακὸν νόμισμ᾽ ἔβλαστε. τοῦτο καὶ πόλεις πορθεῖ, τόδ᾽ ἄνδρας ἐξανίστησιν δόμων: τόδ᾽ ἐκδιδάσκει καὶ παραλλάσσει φρένας χρηστὰς πρὸς αἰσχρὰ πράγματ᾽ ἵστασθαι βροτῶν: πανουργίας δ᾽ ἔδειξεν ἀνθρώποις ἔχειν καὶ παντὸς ἔργου δυσσέβειαν εἰδέναι. 
** There is no institution so ruinous for men as money; money sacks cities, money drives men from their homes! Money by its teaching perverts men’s good minds so that they take to evil actions! Money has shown men how to practise villainy, and taught them impiousness in every action!
*** [[Sophocles]], Creon in ''Antigone'', line 295, Loeb Classical Library, Volume 21, p. 31

* Among the misconceptions of [[economics]] is that it is something that tells you how to make money or run a [[business]] or predict the ups and downs of the [[stock market]]. But economics is not [[w:Personal_finance|personal finance]] or [[business administration]], and predicting the ups and downs of the stock market has yet to be reduced to a dependable formula. When [[Economist|economists]] analyze [[Price|prices]], [[Wage|wages]], [[Profit|profits]], or the international balance of trade, for example, it is from the standpoint of how decisions in various parts of the economy affect the allocation of scarce resources in a way that raises or lowers the material standard of living of the people as a whole.
** [[Thomas Sowell]], ''Basic Economics: A Common-Sense Guide to the Economy'' (2015)

* In reality money, like numbers and law, is a ''category of thought''. There is a monetary, just as there is a juristic and a mathematical and a technical, thinking of the world-around.
** [[Oswald Spengler]], ''The Decline of the West'' (''Der Untergang des Abendlandes''), (1918–22).

* Gold and [[silver]] are but merchandise, as well as cloth or linen; and that nation that buys the least, and sells the most, must always have the most money.
** [[Philip Dormer Stanhope]], 4th Earl Chesterfield (1694–1773). Letter, 'Miscellaneous Pieces,' ''Letters to his Son'', 5th ed. (1774), Vol. IV, p.&amp;nbsp;332.

* If all the rich men in the world divided up their money amongst themselves, there wouldn't be enough to go round.
** [[w:Christina Stead|Christina Stead]] in ''House of All Nations'', Sc. 12 (written in 1938), published by Angus and Robertson (1988).

* Everyone has to make up their mind if money is money or money isn't money and sooner or later they always do decide that money is money.
** [[Gertrude Stein]], ''[[w:Everybody's Autobiography|Everybody's Autobiography]]'' (1937), p. 41.

* But as they all say if we sell our home what will we have for it, money, and what is the use of that money, money goes and after it is gone then where are we, beside we have all we want, what can we do with money except lose it, money to spend is not very welcome, if you have it and you try to spend it, well spending money is an anxiety, saving money is a comfort and a pleasure, economy is not a duty it is a comfort, avarice is an excitement, but spending money is nothing, money spent is money non-existent, money saved is money realised...
** [[Gertrude Stein]], ''Paris France'' (1940). &lt;!-- New York: Liveright (1970) p. 103.
 --&gt;
* Meanwhile [[Hollywood]] has gone nuts. Carol [his wife] turned down a writing job for me at five thousand a week. She said, &quot;Why [[Jesus Christ]] then I'd have to find a new bank every week.&quot; Just what in hell could a writing man do that would be worth five thousand a week. The whole place is nuts...
** [[John Steinbeck]], Letter (written in California) to the film editor and director, Lloyd Nestor (17 May 1939). Reproduced in Christies New York ''Printed Books and manuscripts'' sale catalogue, 20 May 1988.

* The flour [[merchant]], the house-builder, and the postman charge us no less on account of our sex; but when we endeavour to earn money to pay all these, then, indeed, we find the interest.
** [[Lucy Stone]], as quoted in ''Feminism: The Essential Historical Writings'', part 3, by Miriam Schnier (1972).

* The world over, private [[Financial market|financial markets]] fail when it comes to the very poor, ... Mainstream banks do not seek out poor communities—because that’s not where the money is.
** [[Lawrence Summers]], former U.S. treasury secretary, ''[[w:Awake!|Awake!]]'' magazine, 2002, 5/22; [http://wol.jw.org/en/wol/d/r1/lp-e/102002362?q=summers&amp;p=par Can Globalization Really Solve Our Problems?]

* Money can always be traced. It leaves a trail of slime behind it wherever it goes.
** [[Michael Swanwick]], ''[[w:Stations of the Tide|Stations of the Tide]]'' (1991), Chapter 2

* Her life was a complete mess, true, but it could be straightened out. All it would take was money. Money could straighten out anything, if you had enough of it.
** [[Michael Swanwick]], ''[[w:The Iron Dragon's Daughter|The Iron Dragon's Daughter]]'' (1993), Chapter 16

== T ==
* What is fiat money? you may ask. Essentially, it is an inconvertible or unbacked currency usually issued by the government/central bank. Fiat money is currency of unlimited supply.
** Manuel Tacanho, [https://mises.org/wire/todays-fiat-dollar-standard-founded-lies Today's Fiat Dollar Standard Is Founded in Lies], ''Mises Institute'', 5th February 2022

* But the jingling of the guinea helps the hurt that [[Honor]] feels.
** [[Alfred Tennyson]], ''[[Locksley Hall]]'' (1835, published 1842), Stanza 53. Reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 521-24.

* ''Pecuniam in loco negligere maximum est lucrum.''
** To despise money on some occasions is a very great gain.
** [[Terence]], ''Adelphi'', II. 2. 8. Reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 521-24.

* Money does not represent such a value as men have placed upon it. All my money has been invested into experiments with which I have made new discoveries enabling mankind to have a little easier life.
** [[Nikola Tesla]] as quoted in &quot;A Visit to Nikola Tesla&quot; by Dragislav L. Petković in Politika (April 1927); also in Tesla, Master of Lightning (1999) by Margaret Cheney, Robert Uth, and Jim Glenn, p. 82

* What a dignity it gives an old lady, that balance at the bankers! How tenderly we look at her faults if she is a relative; what a kind, good-natured old creature we find her!
** [[William Makepeace Thackeray]], ''Vanity Fair'' (1847), Chapter 9.

* [[w:Plutus|Ploutos]], no wonder mortals worship you:&lt;br&gt;You are so tolerant of their sins!
** [[Theognis]], ''Elegies'', D. Wender, trans., 523.

* Everyone in the world needs money – to get paid, to trade, to live. Paper money is an ancient technology and an inconvenient means of payment. You can run out of it. It wears out. It can get lost or stolen. In the [[21st century|twenty-first century]], people need a form of money that's more convenient and secure, something that can be accessed from anywhere with a PDA or an [[Internet]] connection. Of course, what we're calling 'convenient' for [[United States|American]] users will be revolutionary for the [[Developing country|developing world]]. Many of these countries' governments play fast and loose with their currencies. They use [[inflation]] and sometimes wholesale currency devaluations, like we saw in [[Russia]] and several [[Southeast Asia|Southeast Asian]] countries last year [referring to the [[wikipedia:1998 Russian financial crisis|1998 Russian]] and [[1997 Asian financial crisis]]], to take [[wealth]] away from their [[Citizenship|citizens]]. Most of the ordinary people there never have an opportunity to open an offshore account or to get their hands on more than a few bills of a stable currency like [[w:United_States_dollar|U.S. dollars]]. Eventually PayPal will be able to change this. In the future, when we make our service available outside the [[United States|U.S.]] and as [[Internet]] penetration continues to expand to all economic tiers of people, PayPal will give citizens worldwide more direct control over their currencies than they ever had before. It will be nearly impossible for [[Corruption|corrupt]] governments to steal wealth from their people through their old means because if they try the people will switch to [[Dollar|dollars]] or Pounds or Yen, in effect dumping the worthless local currency for something more secure.
** [[Peter Thiel]], In a speech delivered at [[wikipedia:PayPal|PayPal]] in 1999, as remembered by Eric M. Jackson in ''The PayPal Wars''

* It's something very personal, a very important thing. Hell! It's a family motto. Are you ready Jerry? I wanna make sure you're ready, brother. Here it is: ''Show me the money. SHOW! ME! THE! MONEY!'' Jerry, it is such a pleasure to say that! Say it with me one time, Jerry.
** &quot;Rod Tidwell&quot; (played by Cuba Gooding, Jr.) in the film ''[[Jerry Maguire]]'' (1996), written and directed by [[w:Cameron Crowe|Cameron Crowe]].

* Not greedy of filthy lucre.
** I Timothy, III. 3. Reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 521-24.

* The love of money is the root of all evil.
** I Timothy, VI. 10. Reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 521-24.

* Money is a new form of slavery, and distinguishable from the old simply by the fact that it is impersonal — that there is no human relation between master and slave.
** [[Leo Tolstoy]], ''What shall We Do Then?'' (1886).

* Money has been a consensual hallucination since we abolished the gold standard. It has value because we say it does. Why should a black-and-gold plastic rectangle be any different?
** Brian Trent, ''Distant Gates of Eden Gleam'' (2015). Originally published in ''Crossed Genres'' magazine; reprinted in [[Mike Resnick]] (ed.) ''Funny Science Fiction''

* A man will be generally very old and feeble before he forgets how much money he has in the funds.
** [[Anthony Trollope]], ''Autobiography of Anthony Trollope'' (1883), Chapter IX, [http://books.google.com/books?id=u4YIAAAAQAAJ&amp;pg=PA141&amp;dq=%22A+man+will+be+generally+very+old+and+feeble+before+he+forgets+how+much+money+he+has+in+the+funds%22 p. 141]

* It may interest some if I state that during the last twenty years I have made by literature something near £70,000. As I have said before in these pages, I look upon the result as comfortable, but not splendid.
** [[Anthony Trollope]], ''Autobiography of Anthony Trollope'' (1883), Chapter XX, [http://books.google.com/books?id=u4YIAAAAQAAJ&amp;pg=PA327&amp;vq=%22may+interest+some+if+I+state+that+during+the+last+twenty+years+I+have+made+by+literature+something+%22&amp;dq=%22A+man+will+be+generally+very+old+and+feeble+before+he+forgets+how+much+money+he+has+in+the+funds%22&amp;source=gbs_search_s&amp;cad=0 p. 327]

* Money was never a big motivation for me, except as a way to keep score. The real excitement is playing the game.
** [[Donald Trump]], ''[[w:Trump: The Art of the Deal|Trump: The Art of the Deal]]'' (1987) by Donald Trump and Tony Schwartz, p. 63

* A fool and his money be soon at debate.
** [[Thomas Tusser]], ''Good Husbandry''. &quot;A fool and his money are soon parted.&quot; George Buchanan, tutor to James VI. of Scotland, to a courtier after winning a bet as to which could make the coarser verse. See Walsh, ''Handy Book of Literary Curiosities''. Reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 521-24.

* Simple rules for saving money.&lt;br/&gt;To save ''half'': When you are fired by an eager impulse to contribute to a charity, wait, and count to forty.&lt;br/&gt;To save ''three-quarters'', count sixty.&lt;br/&gt;To save it ''all'', count sixty-five.
** [[Mark Twain]], ''More Tramps Abroad'' (1897), Chapter 50.

== U ==
* Sex is like money; only too much is enough.
** [[John Updike]], ''Couples'' (1968), p.&amp;nbsp;437.

== V ==

[[File:Papier toaletowy.jpg|thumb| ''[[w:Pecunia non olet|Pecunia non olet]]'' — [[Vespasian]] (&quot;money doesn't smell&quot;)]]

* ''[[w:Pecunia non olet|Pecunia non olet]]''
** Money does not smell.
** [[w:Vespasian|Vespasian]], in his response on being reproached by his son on taking money as a tax on urine, collected from public urinals in Rome, as quoted by [[Suetonius]] in ''The Twelve Caesars: Vespasian''.

* Men hate the individual whom they call avaricious only because nothing can be gained from him.
** [[Voltaire]] in &quot;Avarice&quot; in the ''Philosophical Dictionary'' (1764).

* It is more easy to write on money than to obtain it; and those who gain it, jest much at those who only know how to write about it.
** [[Voltaire]], ''Philosophical Dictionary''.

* When it is a question of money, everybody is of the same [[religion]].
** [[Voltaire]], in a letter to Mme. D'Épinal Ferney (26 December 1760).

* ''On en trouve [l'argent] toujours quand il s’agit d’aller faire tuer des hommes sur la frontière: il n’y en a plus quand il faut les sauver.''
** Money is always to be found when men are to be sent to the frontiers to be destroyed: when the object is to preserve them, it is no longer so.
*** [[Voltaire]], ''Questions sur l'Encyclopédie'', &quot;Charity&quot; (1770)

== W ==
* Let us all be happy, and live within our means, even if we have to borrow money to do it with.
** [[Artemus Ward]] [Charles Farrar Brown] in &quot;Science and Natural History&quot; in ''The London Punch Letters'' (1865-6).

* Cash. I just am not happy when I don't have it. The minute I have it I have to spend it. And I just buy STUPID THINGS.
** [[Andy Warhol]], ''From A to B and Back Again'' (1975).

* Money is the MOMENT to me. &lt;/br&gt;Money is my MOOD.
** [[Andy Warhol]], ''From A to b and back Again'' (1975).

* No honest man has been able to save any money in the last twenty years.
** [[Evelyn Waugh]], {{cite journal|title=Evelyn Waugh Face to Face BBC Interview|date=May 21, 2012|journal=george harris, YouTube|url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UvtjUt0GzKg&amp;t=1566s}} (quote at 26:06 of 29:39; interview conducted by {{w|John Freeman (British politician)|John Freeman}} in June 1960; introduction by {{w|Joan Bakewell}})

* '''Having, First, gained all you can, and, Secondly saved all you can, Then give all you can.'''
** [[John Wesley]], Sermon 50 &quot;The Use of Money&quot; in ''The Works of the Reverend John Wesley, A.M.'' (1840) edited by John Emory, Vol. I, p. 446
** Popularly paraphrased as: &lt;br&gt;'''Make all you can,''' &lt;br&gt;'''Save all you can,''' &lt;br&gt;'''Give all you can.'''

* We are in danger of being overwhelmed with irredeemable paper, mere paper, representing not gold nor silver; no, Sir, representing nothing but broken promises, bad faith, bankrupt corporations, cheated creditors, and a ruined people.
** [[Daniel Webster]], ''The Works of Daniel Webster'' (Boston, MA:Little, Brown, 1890), p. 413

* Neither can anything we desire be got without [[money]], or what money represents, ''i.e.'' without the command of exchangeable things.&amp;nbsp; All the things that we so often say &quot;cannot be had for money&quot; we might with [[equal]] [[truth]] say cannot be had or enjoyed without it.&amp;nbsp; [[Friendship]] cannot be had for money, but how often do the things that money commands enable us to form and develop our friendships!&amp;nbsp; …&lt;!--Page 154--&gt;&amp;nbsp; But '''even &quot;[[waiting]]&quot; requires money''', if not so much as [[marrying]] does.&amp;nbsp; '''In fact, a [[human|man]] can be neither a [[saint]], nor a [[lover]], nor a [[poet]], unless he has comparatively recently had [[food|something]] to [[eat]].'''&amp;nbsp; The things that money commands are strictly necessary to the realisation on [[earth]] of any programme whatsoever.&amp;nbsp; The range of things, then, that money can command in no case [[secures]] any of those [[experiences]] or states of [[consciousness]] which make up the whole body of ultimately [[desired]] things, and yet none of the things that we ultimately desire can be had except on the basis of the things that money can command.&amp;nbsp; Hence nothing that we really want can infallibly be secured by things that can be exchanged, but neither can it under any circumstances be enjoyed without them.
**[[Philip Wicksteed]], &quot;[http://mises.org/books/commonsense1.pdf Money and Exchange],&quot; ch. 4 of ''[[The Common Sense of Political Economy]]'', Book I, ''Systematic and Constructive'', contained in ed. [[Lionel Robbins]], ''The Common Sense of Political Economy and Selected Papers and Reviews on Economic Theory'' vol. I (London: Routledge &amp; Kegan Paul LTD, 1910, 1933, 1957), pp. 153–154.

* A dollar is something that you multiply — something that causes an expansion of your house and your mechanical equipment, something that accelerates like speed; and that may be also slowed up or deflated. It is a value that may be totally imaginary, yet can for a time provide half-realized dreams.
** [[Edmund Wilson]], ''Europe without Baedeker'' (1947).

* A great industrial nation is controlled by its system of credit. Our system of credit is privately concentrated. The growth of the nation, therefore, and all our activities are in the hands of a few men ...
* We have come to be one of the worst ruled, one of the most completely controlled and dominated Governments in the civilized world &amp;mdash; no longer a Government by free opinion, no longer a Government by conviction and the vote of the majority, but a Government by the opinion and duress of a small group of dominant men.
** [[Woodrow Wilson]], 28th US President, [http://books.google.com/books?id=MW8SAAAAIAAJ ''The New Freedom''] (1913), pages 185 and 201.  These two quotes are often put together.

* I get a few bruises, but I think of the money and I'm alright.
** [[w:Norman Wisdom|Sir Norman Wisdom]] (As stated on 'Pulling Power', an ITV motoring program c. 2000).

* It is money makes the mare to trot.
** [[John Wolcot]], ''Ode to Pitt''. Reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 521-24.
* No, let the monarch's bags and coffers hold&lt;br&gt;The flattering, mighty, nay, all-mighty gold.
** [[John Wolcot]], ''To Kieu Long'', ''Ode IV''.

* I think this piece will help to boil thy pot.
** [[John Wolcot]], ''The bard complimenteth Mr. West on his Lord Nelson'' (c. 1790). (Probably first use of &quot;pot-boiler.&quot;). Reported in ''Hoyt's New Cyclopedia Of Practical Quotations'' (1922), p. 521-24.

==X==
[[File:Luca Giordano - Xanthippe schuettet Sokrates Wasser in den Kragen.jpg|thumb|Those who take money are bound to carry out the work for which they get a fee, while I, because I refuse to take it, am not obliged to talk with anyone against my will. ~ [[Socrates]]]]
* Those who take money are bound to carry out the work for which they get a fee, while I, because I refuse to take it, am not obliged to talk with anyone against my will.
** [[Xenophon]], [[Socrates]] in ''[[Memorabilia (Xenophon)|Memorabilia]]'', 1.6.1

== Anonymous ==
* Money isn't everything, but it's way ahead of whatever's in second place.
** Reportedly seen on a &quot;sign in a Philadelphia bar and grill,&quot; as quoted in &quot;Here's the Pitch&quot; by Frank Finch, in ''The Los Angeles Times'' (June 10, 1958)

==''Respectfully Quoted: A Dictionary of Quotations'' (1989)==
* All the perplexities, confusions, and distresses in America arise, not from defects in their constitution or confederation, not from a want of honor or virtue, so much as from downright ignorance of the nature of coin, credit, and circulation.
** [[John Adams]], letter to Thomas Jefferson, August 25, 1787. Charles Francis Adams, ed., ''The Works of John Adams'' (1853), vol. 8, p. 447.

* Money is power, and you ought to be reasonably ambitious to have it.
** [[Russell H. Conwell]], ''Acres of Diamonds'', p. 20 (1915). Conwell, founder and first president of Temple University, delivered this address more than 6,000 times from 1877 until his death in 1925.

* As this body has no authority to make anything whatever a tender in payment of private debts, it necessarily follows that nothing but gold and silver coin can be made a legal tender for that purpose, and that Congress cannot authorize the payment in any species of paper currency of any other debts but those due to the United States, or such debts of the United States as may, by special contract, be made payable in such paper.
** [[Albert Gallatin]], Considerations on the Currency and Banking System of the United States, 1831, in Henry Adams, ed., ''The Writings of Albert Gallatin'' (1879), vol. 3, p. 235.

* For the folk-community does not exist on the fictitious value of money but on the results of productive labour, which is what gives money its value.
** [[Adolf Hitler]], speech to the German Reichstag, January 30, 1937. ''The Speeches of Adolf Hitler, April 1922–August 1939'', trans. and ed. Norman H. Baynes, vol. 1, p. 937 (1969).

* If the American people ever allow private banks to control the issuance of their currency, first by inflation and then by deflation, the banks and corporations that will grow up around them will deprive the people of all their property until their children will wake up homeless on the continent their fathers conquered.
** Attributed to [[Thomas Jefferson]]; reported as &quot;obviously spurious&quot; in ''Respectfully Quoted: A Dictionary of Quotations'' (1989) (noting that &quot;[a]lthough Jefferson was opposed to paper money... [i]nflation was listed in Webster's dictionary of 1864, according to the ''Oxford English Dictionary'', but the OED gives 1920 as the earliest use of deflation&quot;). See [[#Misattributed|Misattributed]] below.

* In truth, the gold standard is already a barbarous relic.
** [[John Maynard Keynes]], ''Monetary Reform'' (1924), p. 187.

* The best way to destroy the capitalist system is to debauch the currency.
** Attributed to [[Vladimir Ilich Lenin]] by John Maynard Keynes, ''The Economic Consequences of the Peace'' (1920, reprinted 1971), p. 235. Keynes says, &quot;Lenin is said to have declared …&quot; Despite careful searching by the European Division of the Library of Congress, this has not been found in Lenin's writings and remains Reported as unverified in ''Respectfully Quoted: A Dictionary of Quotations'' (1989).

* God gave me my money. I believe the power to make money is a gift from God … to be developed and used to the best of our ability for the good of mankind. Having been endowed with the gift I possess, I believe it is my duty to make money and still more money and to use the money I make for the good of my fellow man according to the dictates of my conscience.
** [[John D. Rockefeller]], interview in 1905.—Peter Collier and David Horowitz, The Rockefellers, an American Dynasty, chapter 3, p. 48 (1976). Rockefeller assumed giving to charity was a Christian duty, and did so throughout his life. Later in life he began to &quot;have the semimystical feeling that he had been especially selected as the frail vessel for the great fortune&quot; (p. 48).

* &quot;Not worth a Continental dam&quot; had its origin about this time [1780]. It is not a profane expression. A &quot;dam&quot; is an Indian coin of less value than one cent and a Continental one cent was next to worthless when it took six pounds, or about thirty dollars to buy a &quot;warm dinner&quot;.
** [[Oliver Taylor]], ''Historic Sullivan'', p. 97 (1909), footnote. Other versions of this phrase include &quot;Not worth a Continental&quot; and &quot;Not worth a Continental Damn&quot;. While other writers do not include the Indian connection, they agree the phrase arose when Continental money became worthless toward the end of the Revolution. See Mitford M. Mathews, ''A Dictionary of Americanisms'', p. 383 (1951).

* He who tampers with the currency robs labor of its bread.
** [[Daniel Webster]], speech delivered at Niblo's Saloon, New York City, March 15, 1837. ''The Works of Daniel Webster'', 10th ed. (1857), vol. 1, p. 377.

{{Misattributed begin}}

== Misattributed ==
* In the Colonies, we issue our own paper money. It is called 'Colonial Scrip.' We issue it in proper proportion to make the goods and pass easily from the producers to the consumers. In this manner, creating ourselves our own paper money, we control its purchasing power and we have no interest to pay to no one. In this manner, by creating ourselves our own paper money, we control its purchasing power, and we have no interest to pay, to anyone. You see, a legitimate government can both spend and lend money into circulation, while banks can only lend significant amounts of their promissory bank notes, for they can neither give away nor spend but a tiny fraction of the money the people need. Thus, when your bankers here in England place money in circulation, there is always a debt principal to be returned and usury to be paid. The result is that you have always too little credit in circulation to give the workers full employment. You do not have too many workers, you have too little money in circulation, and that which circulates, all bears the endless burden of unpayable debt and usury.
** Attributed to [[Benjamin Franklin]]'s Autobiography. These words do not appear there, although he expressed vaguely similar ideas in his 1729 essay on paper currency. The attribution may date to a 1949 address to the Canadian House of Commons by [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Solon_Earl_Low Solon Low].

* It is perhaps well enough that the people of the Nation do not know or understand our banking and monetary system, for if they did I believe there would be a revolution before tomorrow morning.
** Variant: If the American people knew the corruption in our money system there would be revolution before morning.
** Attributed to [[Henry Ford]] by Charles Binderup (March 19, 1937), ''Congressional Record—House'' '''81''':2528. The quote is preceded by &quot;It was Henry Ford who said, in substance, this,&quot; indicating that it was not a direct quote, but a paraphrase of his memoir ''My Life and Work''

* If the American people ever allow private banks to control the issue of their currency, first by inflation then by [[deflation]], the banks and the corporations will grow up around them, will deprive the people of all property until their children wake up homeless on the continent their fathers conquered. The issuing power should be taken from the banks and restored to the people, to whom it properly belongs.
** Attributed to [[Thomas Jefferson]], ''The Debate Over The Recharter Of The Bank Bill'', (1809). No such document exists. The book ''Respectfully Quoted'' says this is &quot;obviously spurious&quot;, noting that the OED's earliest citation for the word &quot;deflation&quot; in its financial sense is from 1920. Before that, the term &quot;contraction&quot; was used instead. The earliest known appearance of this quote is from 1935 (Testimony of Charles C. Mayer, ''Hearings Before the Committee on Banking and Currency, House of Representatives, Seventy-fourth Congress, First Session, on H.R. 5357'', p.&amp;nbsp;799).

* I have two great enemies, the southern army in front of me and the financial institutions, in the rear. Of the two, the one in the rear is the greatest enemy.
** Attributed to [[Abraham Lincoln]]. Not found in Lincoln's works. This earliest this quote has been found is 1941.

* I see in the future a crisis approaching that unnerves me and causes me to tremble for the safety of my country. As a result of the war, corporations have been enthroned and an era of corruption in high places will follow, and the money power of the country will endeavor to prolong its reign by working upon the prejudices of the people until wealth is aggregated in a few hands and the Republic is destroyed. I feel at this moment more anxiety for the safety of my country than ever before, even in the midst of the war.
** Attributed to [[Abraham Lincoln]], but not found in his works and denounced by his personal secretary as a forgery

* The government should create, issue and circulate all the currency and credit needed to satisfy the spending power of the government and the buying power of consumers..... The privilege of creating and issuing money is not only the supreme prerogative of Government, but it is the Government's greatest creative opportunity. By the adoption of these principles, the long-felt want for a uniform medium will be satisfied. The taxpayers will be saved immense sums of interest, discounts and exchanges. The financing of all public enterprises, the maintenance of stable government and ordered progress, and the conduct of the Treasury will become matters of practical administration. The people can and will be furnished with a currency as safe as their own government. Money will cease to be the master and become the servant of humanity. Democracy will rise superior to the money power.
** Attributed to [[Abraham Lincoln]]. These are not Lincoln's own words, but just [[w:Gerald Grattan McGeer|Gerry McGeer]]'s interpretation of Lincoln's policy. {{cite book
 | last = McGeer
 | first = Gerald Grattan
 | authorlink =w:Gerald Grattan McGeer
 | title = The Conquest of Poverty
 | chapter = 5 - Lincoln, Practical Economist
 | url = http://www.heritech.com/yamaguchy/mcgeer/mcgeer_index.html
 | accessdate = 2008-12-30
 | year = 1935
 | publisher = Garden City Press
 | location = Gardenvale, Quebec
 | pages = 186ff.
}}

* History records that the money changers have used every form of abuse, intrigue, deceit, and violent means possible to maintain their control over governments by controlling the money and its issuance.
** Attributed to [[James Madison]], 4th US President. This is actually a comment by Olive Cushing Dwinell in her book ''The Story of Our Money'' (1946), pp.&amp;nbsp;71–72.

* Permit me to issue and control the money of a nation, and I care not who makes its laws!
** Attributed to [[w:Mayer Amschel Rothschild|Mayer Amschel Rothschild]] (1744–1812). Called &quot;an apocryphal statement&quot; by Nicholls, B. (2024). ''The communist empty signifier: the Australian League of Rights and the Voice to Parliament referendum''. Continuum, 38(6), 915–933. https://doi.org/10.1080/10304312.2024.2441311. No primary source for this is known and the earliest known attribution is in 1935 (''Money Creators'', Gertrude M. Coogan). Before that, &quot;Let us control the money of a nation, and we care not who makes its laws&quot; was said to be a [http://books.google.com/books?id=Q7MPAAAAIAAJ&amp;pg=PA771&amp;dq=%22let+us+control+the+money+of+a+country%22 &quot;maxim&quot; of the House of Rothschilds], or, even more vaguely, of the [http://books.google.com/books?id=zqkfAAAAMAAJ&amp;pg=RA2-PA6&amp;dq=%22let+us+control+the+money+of+a+country%22 &quot;money lenders of the Old World&quot;]. This is a play on an English proverb, [[Andrew Fletcher|Let me make the songs of a nation, and I care not who makes its laws]].

* The few who understand the system, will either be so interested in its profits, or so dependent on its favors that there will be no opposition from that class, while on the other hand, the great body of people, mentally incapable of comprehending the tremendous advantages...will bear its burden without complaint, and perhaps without suspecting that the system is inimical to their best interests.
** Attributed to [[w:John Sherman (politician)|Senator John Sherman]] in a letter supposedly sent from the [[w:Rothschild banking family of England|Rothschild Brothers of London]] to New York bankers Ikleheimer, Morton, and Vandergould, June 25, 1863. The letters are forgeries that could not have been written at the time alleged, since they refer to an 1876 court case. Further, no evidence of a firm with the name &quot;Ikleheimer, Morton, and Vandergould&quot; has been found.

* If this mischievous financial policy, which has its origin in North America, shall become indurated down to a fixture, then that Government will furnish its own money without cost. It will pay off debts and be without debt. It will have all the money necessary to carry on its commerce. It will become prosperous without precedent in the history of the world. The brains, and wealth of all countries will go to North America. That country must be destroyed or it will destroy every monarchy on the globe.
** Attributed to an editorial in the ''Times'' of London in 1865. No such editorial ever appeared. The earliest known appearance is in ''The Flaming Sword'', Vol. XII, No. 42 (2 September 1898), [http://books.google.com/books?id=ylcsAAAAYAAJ&amp;pg=RA15-PA16-IA7&amp;dq=%22mischievous%20financial%20policy%22 p. 7]
{{Misattributed end}}

== See also ==
{{col-begin}}
{{col-2}}
* [[Abolish money]]
* [[Abundance]]
* [[Accounting]]
* [[Banks]]
* [[Capitalism]]
* [[Commodity]]
* [[Corruption]]
* [[Currency]]
* [[Democracy]]
* [[Economics]]
* [[Fear]] 
* [[Greed]]
* [[Hunger]] 
* [[Mammon]]
* [[Materialism]]
{{col-2}}
* [[Poverty]]
* [[Profit|Profits]]
* [[Scarcity]]
* [[Selfishness]]
* [[Sharing]]
* [[Status quo]]
* [[Trade]]
* [[Totalitarianism]]
* [[Tyranny]]
* [[Usury]]
* [[Wage]]
* [[Wealth]]
{{col-end}}

== External links ==

{{wikipedia}}
{{wiktionary|money}}
{{commonscat}}

[[Category:Business]]
[[Category:Commerce]]
[[Category:Economics]]
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  <page>
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      <text bytes="63127" sha1="dxvqls3pnj1q8amgb45ykk1x2hhkk92" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Cars Logo Black.svg|thumb|The mission begins.]]
{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Cars 2|Cars 2]]''''' is a [[w:2011 in film|2011]] American [[w:Computer-animated film|computer-animated film]] produced by [[w:Pixar|Pixar Animation Studios]] and distributed by [[w:Walt Disney Pictures|Walt Disney Pictures]], and is the sequel to the [[2006 Gaza–Israel conflict|2006]] film, ''[[Cars (film)|Cars]]''. In the film, race car Lightning McQueen (voiced by [[w:Owen Wilson|Owen Wilson]]) and tow truck Mater (voiced by [[w:Larry the Cable Guy|Larry the Cable Guy]]) head to Japan, France, Italy and Britain to compete in the World Grand Prix, but Mater becomes sidetracked with international espionage.
:''Directed by [[w:John Lasseter|John Lasseter]], co-directed by [[w:Brad Lewis|Brad Lewis]]. Written by [[w:Ben Queen|Ben Queen]].''
{{center|'''The mission begins.''' [[#Taglines|taglines]]}}

[[File:Ferrari California (17271659202).jpg|thumb|Really? You are speed? Then Francesco is '''''triple''''' speed. Francesco is ''triple'' ''speed''. Oh-ho! Francesco ''likes''-a this, McQueen. It's-a really getting him into the ''zone!'']]
[[File:Intelligence Community Medal for Valor.PNG|thumb|&quot;Who are you with? FBI? CIA?&quot;&lt;br&gt;&quot;Let's just say I'm a triple-A affiliated.&quot;]]
[[File:Trabant 601S Universal 1984 I.jpg|thumb|&quot;Fellers, listen, I know what you're goin' through. Everybody's been laughin' at me my whole life too. But becoming powerful and rich beyond your wildest dreams ain't gonna make you feel better.&quot;&lt;br&gt;&quot;Yeah, but it's worth a shot!&quot;]]

== Dialogue ==
:'''Leland Turbo:''' This is Agent Leland Turbo. I have a flash transmission for Agent Finn McMissile. Finn, my cover's been compromised. Everything's gone pear-shaped. You won't believe what I've found out here. This is bigger than anything we've ever seen. And no one even knows it exists. Finn, I need backup. But don't call the cavalry, it could blow the operation. And be careful! It's not safe out''' here!
:'''Grem:''' ''[from Off-Screen]'' Let's go! ''[alarm went off]''
:'''Leland Turbo:''' Transmitting my grids now. Good luck.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' Where Is Finn McMissile?
:'''Leland Turbo:''' ''[last words before he is crushed to death]'' You'll never catch him, he will stop you!
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' We shall see.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Finn has infiltrated an oil platform to rescue Agent Leland Turbo and observes activity from high above]''
:'''Finn McMissile:''' ''[suspiciously]'' What are you up to now, Professor?
:''[Finn shoots his harpoon line forwards which Pearces a balcony platform, them shoots his harpoon line into the wall behind him, then moves forward above the lemons them shoots his harpoon line diagonally, then bends down.
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' ''[speaking to a platform worker lemon]'' This Is Valuable Equipment, Make Sure It Is Properly Secured For The Voyage.
:'''Platform Worker:''' Got it.
:'''Grem:''' Hey Professor Z, This Is One Of Those British Spies We Told You About.
:'''Acer:''' Yeah, This One We Caught Sticking His Bumper Where It Didn't Belong.
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' Agent Leland Turbo. 
:''[Acer reveals Leland's crushed remains as Finn gasps horrorified, but a fire erupts casting a large shadow, revealing his presence as Professor Zündapp looks up to see who it is]''
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' It's Finn McMissile!
:''[Finn starts shooting; &quot;HILLBILLY HOLLA&quot; PLAYING By North Mississippi and Allstars. The lemons scramble for cover, others rushing up the derrick]''
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' He's seen the camera! '''''KILL HIM!'''''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Grem:''' ''[laughs, thinking he escaped Finn]'' He's dead, Professor.
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' ''Wunderbar!'' With Finn McMissile gone, who can stop us now? 
:''[the scene switches to Mater]''
:'''Mater''': Mater. Tow Mater, that's who, is here to help ya! Hey, Otis!
:'''Otis''': Heh-hey, Mater. I, uh-- Oh, gosh. I'm so sorry. I thought I could make it this time, but-- ''[tries to start his engine, but can't.]'' Smooth like puddin', huh? ''[sighs]'' Who am I kidding? I'll always be a lemon.
:'''Mater''': Well, dad-gum, you're leakin' oil again, must be yer gaskets. Hey, but look on the bright side. This is yer 10th tow this month, so that means it's on the house. 
:'''Otis''': You're the only one that's nice to lemons like me, Mater.
:'''Mater''': Hey, don't sweat it. Shoot, these things happen to everybody, Otis.
:'''Otis''': But you never leak oil!
:'''Mater''': Yeah, but I ain't perfect. Don't tell nobody, but I think my rust is tryna show through.
:'''Luigi:''' Oh Lightning, Welcome Home!
:'''Flo:''' Good To Have You Back Honey!
:'''Fillmore:''' Congratulations Man.
:'''Sarge:''' Welcome Home Soldier.
:'''Sheriff:''' The Place Wasn't The Same Without You Son.
:'''Lizzie:''' What? Did He Go Somewhere?
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' It's Good To Be Home Everybody. ''[Hears Mater Honking His Horn]'' Mater!
:'''Mater:''' McQueen!
:'''Otis:''' Aah!
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' Mater!
:'''Mater:''' McQueen!
:'''Otis:''' Oooh!
:''[Mater Stops At The Crossroad In Front Of McQueen And Lets Go Of Otis Who Is Moved Along Into Ramone's House Of Body Art As Sally &amp; Flo Dodge Him].''
:'''Otis:''' ''[Stops And Comes Onto Wheel Ramps]'' Whoooa!
:'''Ramone:''' Hey, How Air Did You Make It This Time Otis?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mater:''' ''[whistles]'' I'll take one of them. Thank you. Never know which one McQueen will have a hankering for. Hey, whatcha got here that's free? How about that pistachio ice cream?
:'''Sushi Chef:''' No, no. Wasabi.
:'''Mater:''' Oh, same old, same old. What's up with you? ''[looks at the bucket of wasabi again]'' That looks delicious! ''[the chef takes a knife and sets a small piece of wasabi on a tray, then puts it on the counter]'' Uh, a little more, please? ''[the chef adds more wasabi]'' It is free, right? ''[the chef adds more]'' Keep it comin'. A little more. Come on, let's go, it's free! You're gettin' there. Scoop, scoop! ''[the chef gives in and scoops out a baseball-sized serving of wasabi]'' There ya go! Now, '''''that's''''' a scoop of ice cream!
:'''Sushi Chef:''' ''[bowing and speaking in Japanese]'' My condolences.
:'''Miles:''' And now our last competitor: number 95, Lightning McQueen!
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' Ka-chow! Thank you so much for having us, Sir Axlerod. I really look forward to racing. This is a great opportunity.
:'''Miles:''' Oh, the pleasure is all ours, Lightning. You and your team bring excellence and professionalism to this competition—.
:'''Mater:''' ''[screaming while runs; Miles and Lightning are shocked]'' Someone get me water! Aah! Oh, sweet relief. Sweet relief. ''[Francesco laughs; speaks into the microphone]'' Whatever you do, '''''DO NOT EAT...''''' the free pistachio ice cream. It has '''''turned.''''' ''[echoes]''
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' Sir Axlerod, I can explain. This is Mater. He's--
:'''Sir Miles Axlerod:''' No, I know him. This is the bloke that called in to the television show. You're the one I have to thank.
:'''Mater:''' No thank you, This trip has been amazing.
:'''Miles:''' ''[leaks oil and blames it on Mater by telling him off]'' Ah... He's a little excited, isn't he?
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[to Mater]'' Mater?
:'''Mater''': But wait, I... Oh, shoot.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' Mater!
:'''Miles''': Has anyone got a towel?
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[Fiercely]'' Mater, you have to get a hold of yourself; You're making a scene.
:'''Mater:''' But I never leak oil. Never.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[not believing his friend]'' Go take care of yourself right now. ''[As Mater drives off, a forklift and Axlerod notice Lightning, who grins sheepishly]''
:'''Mater''': Coming through. Excuse me. Leaking oil. Where's the bathroom? Thank you. I gotta go. Oh, uh-- Uh-- ''[accidentally enters the ladies' room, and the ladies scream and yell in Japanese]'' Sorry, ladies! ''[?]'' ? ''[?]'' Whoa! What is. ''[?]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' There you are. Where have you been?
:'''Mater:''' What's a &quot;rendezvous&quot;?
:'''Luigi:''' Uh, it's like a date.
:'''Mater:''' A date?
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' Mater, what's going on?
:'''Mater:''' Well, what's going on is I got me a date tomorrow.
:'''Guido:''' ''Non ci credo.'' (I don't believe you.)
:'''Luigi:''' Guido don't believe you.
:'''Mater:''' Well, believe it. My new girlfriend just said so. ''[sees Holley and waves]'' Hey, there she is! Hey! Hey, lady! See you tomorrow!
:'''Guido:''' ''Ancora non ci credo.'' (I still don't believe you.)
:'''Luigi:''' Guido still don't believe you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Grem:''' I got to admit, you tricked us real good.
:'''Acer:''' And we don't like being tricked. ''[Rod chuckles]'' Hey! What's so funny?
:'''Rod Torque Redline:''' Well you know, I was just wearing a disguise. You guys are stuck looking like that. ''[Grem pushes a lever, turning the magnet off, and causing Rod to land on a small platform, where one of the Lemon Cars pushes a fuel tank of Allinol towards him.]'' Allinol? Thanks, fellas! I hear this stuff is good for you.
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' So you think, Allinol by itself is good for you. ''[presses a button, which causes some cylinders attached to the platform to turn Rod's rear tires and make whirring sounds as his status bar shows his speedometer going up]'' But after microscopic examination, I have found that it has one small weakness. When hit with an electromagnetic pulse, it becomes extremely dangerous.
:'''Grem:''' ''[moves a camera-like EMP generator forward]'' Smile for the camera.
:'''Rod Torque Redline:''' Is that all you want? I got a whole act.
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' You were very interested in this camera on the oil platform, Now you will witness what it really does.
:'''Rod Torque Redline:''' Whatever you say Professor.
:'''Acer:''' ''[as a Pacer comes up with a TV screen showing a picture of Rod with a Japanese pink car while in disguise]'' You talked up a lot of cars last night. Which one's your associate?
:'''Rod Torque Redline:''' Your mother. Oh, no, I'm sorry, it was your sister. You know, I can't tell them apart these days.
:'''Grem:''' Could I start it now, Professor Z?
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' Go 50% power. ''[Grem then pushes a lever beneath the EMP generator that causes the lens to light up and make whirring sounds, going to 50% power]'' camera is actually an electromagnetic pulse emitter.
:'''Acer:''' ''[showing Rod a picture of him with Shigeko]'' What about her? Did you give it to her?
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' The Allinol is now heating to a boil, dramatically expanding, causing the engine block to crack under the stress, forcing oil into the combustion chamber.
:''[While Zündapp is talking, Rod's engine is heard cracking, then the oil is heard flowing.]''
:'''Acer:''' ''[showing Rod a picture of him with a Japanese red Ferrari at a sushi stand]'' How about him? Did you talk to him?!
:'''Rod Torque Redline:''' ''[as smoke gets emitted from his tailpipes]'' What do I care?! I can replace an engine *block?*
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' You may be able to, but after full impact of the pulse, ''[as Grem pushes the generator's lever to 75% power]'' unfortunately, there will be ''nothing'' to replace.
:'''Acer:''' ''[showing Rod a picture of him With Mater in the bathroom]'' How about him? Does he have it? 
:''[Rod trembles upon seeing the image, which Zündapp then notices and looks at the picture.]''
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' That's him. He's the 1.
:'''Grem:''' Roger that Professor Z.
:'''Rod Torque Redline:''' ''[his last words before he's exploded]'' '''''NO!'''''
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' ''[through cell phone to the Lemon Kingpin]'' Yes, sir. We believe the infiltrator has passed along sensitive information.
:'''Lemon Kingpin:''' ''[through phone]'' Right away!
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' I will take care of it before any damage can be done. ''[hangs up]'' The project is still on schedule. You will find the second agent and kill him. 
:''[Zündapp then pushes the generator's lever to 100% power, which the screen then shows the picture of Rod and Mater, zooming in as a reflection of Rod is shown, shaking as the generator's electromagnetic pulse gets more powerful, before he finally explodes, cut into the screen shows a distant view of Mount Fuji and a Japanese tower while the WGP theme begins]''
:'''Brent Mustangburger:''' Japan, land of the rising sun, where ancient tradition meets modern technology. Welcome to the inaugural running of the World Grand Prix. I'm Brent Mustangburger, here with racing legends Darrell Cartrip and David Hobbscap. There's never been a competition like this before. First, Allinol, making its debut tonight as the required fuel for all these great champions. Second, the course itself, and it's like nothing we've ever seen before. David, how exactly does this competition work?
:'''David Hobbscap:''' Well Brent, all three of these street courses are classic round-the-house racetracks. ''[the camera shows the labeled in Japan, Italy and England]'' This means that the LMP and Formula cars should break out of the gate in spectacular fashion. Look for Francesco Bernoulli in particular to lead early. And with a series of technical turns throughout GT and Touring cars like Spain's Miguel Camino should make up some ground but I doubt it'll be enough to stop Francesco from absolutely running away with it.
:'''Darrell Cartrip:''' Whoa, now just hold your horsepower. You're forgetting the most important factor here: that early dirt track section of the course! The dirt is supposed to be the great equalizer in this race.
:'''Brent Mustangburger:''' French Rally Car Raoul ÇaRoule Is Counting On A Big Boost Headed Through There.
:'''Darrell Cartrip:''' And Don't Forget Lightning McQueen, His Mentor The Hudson Hornet Was One Of The Greatest Dirt Track Races Of All Time In My Opinion, McQueen Is The Best All Round Racer In This Competition.
:'''David Hobbscap:''' Really Darrell, I think you need to clean your windshield. You're clearly not seeing this for what it is: Francesco's race to lose. ''[The WGP racers roll into the starting line to prepare to race.]''
:'''Brent Mustangburger:''' It's time for find out. The racers are locking into the grid.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[closes his eyes as a pre-race ritual]'' Speed. I am speed.
:'''Francesco Bernoulli:''' ''[laughs mockingly]'' Really? You are speed? Then Francesco is triple speed. ''[closes his eyes]'' Francesco is '''''triple speed'''''. Oh-ho! Francesco '''''likes'''''-a this, McQueen. It's-a really getting him into the '''''zone!''''' ''[revs his engine]''
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[complains about Francesco]'' He is '''''so getting beat today.''''' ''[revs his engine; the lights turn from red to green, and the first race is underway]''
:''[One Set Of Red Lights Turns On One-By-One Before Another Set Of Lights Beneath It Turns Green, The Races Start The First Lap With Raoul ÇaRoule &amp; Miguel Camino Leading Through The Narrow Streets Of Tokyo Before Raoul Gets Overtaken By Max Schnell, Carla Veloso, &amp; Miguel Gets Overtaken By Jeff Gorvette, Shu Todoroki, Lightning McQueen, Francesco Bernoulli, Nigel Gearsley, Lewis Hamilton, &amp; Rip Clutchgoneski Behind Him As McQueen &amp; Francesco Make Their Moves Around Jeff, Carla, Raoul, &amp; Max Which Francesco Takes The Lead With McQueen And Go Around The First Corner].''
:'''John Lassetire:''' Jeff, Your Tires Are.
:'''Bruno Motoreau:''' ''[Mumbling To Raoul].''
:'''Mach Matsuo:''' ''[Mumbling To Shu].''
:'''Giuseppe Motorosi:''' ''[Mumbling To Francesco].''
:'''Sarge:''' Your Suspension Sets Look Good.
:'''Luigi:''' Tire Pressure Is Excellent!
:'''Fillmore:''' He's Got Plenty Of Fuel.
:'''Mater:''' And He's Awesome.
:'''Crowd:''' ''[Chanting And Clapping]'' McQueen, McQueen, McQueen!
:''[The Screen Shows Finn &amp; Holley Inside A Building Overlooking The Pit Road And Have Their Eyes On Mater, Who Is Wearing A Headset].''
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Why Is He In The Pits, He's So Exposed.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' It's His Cover, One Of The Best I've Seen Too, Look At The Detail On The Rust, It Must Have Cost Him A Fortune.
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' ''[Using Her On-Board Computer Dual Trackball Platforms]'' But Why Hasn't He Contacted Us Yet?
:'''Finn McMissile:''' There's Probably Heat On Him: Be Patient.
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Right Of Course, He'll Signal Us When He Can.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' And Then We Find Out Who's Behind All This.
:'''Brent Mustangburger:''' ''[Announcing]'' As They Head Into The Palace Hairpin, Francesco Builds An Early Lead.
:'''Darrell Cartrip:''' Ah Hang On Boys, Here Comes The Dirt, Slipping And Sliding Baby.
:'''Mater:''' McQueen, It's Time To Make Your Move, Get On The Outside And Show Them What Doc Taught You.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' 10-4 Mater.
:'''David Hobbscap:''' ''[As Francesco Struggles To Brake On The Dirt]'' Oh Boy, Francesco's Brought To A Screeching Halt!
:'''Brent Mustangburger:''' ''[As McQueen Uses Doc's &quot;Turn Right To Go Left&quot; Trick To Overtake Francesco]'' Lightning McQueen Is The First To Take Advantage And Just Like That Folks, Francesco's Lead Is Left In The Dust.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' Nice Call Mater, Keep It Up.
:'''Acer:''' It's Finn McMissile! But you're dead!
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Then this shouldn't hurt at all. ''[sprays both Acer and Petey with a fire extinguisher, blinding them]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Francesco, Lightning, and Carla are on the podium]''
:'''Photographer:''' Francesco!
:'''Darrell Cartrip:''' Francesco, over here. Hey, what was your strategy today?
:'''Francesco Bernoulli:''' Strategia?! Francesco needs-a no strategy, it’s very simple: You start the race, wait for Lightning McQueen to choke, pass him, then win. Francesco always-a wins, it’s-a boring.
:''[Lightning simply rolls his eyes]''
:'''Darrell Cartrip:''' I gotta tell you dude, you were in trouble for a while. That dirt track section had you crawling.
:''[Lightning Noticed Mater Returning To The Pits And Sneaks Off To Go To Talk To Him]''
:'''Francesco Bernoulli:''' To truly crush one's dream, you must first raise their hopes very high.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[meets up with his friend in his pit garage]'' Mater!
:'''Mater:''' Hey McQueen! What happened? Is the race over? You won right?
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[Sternly]'' Mater, Why Were You Yelling Things At Me While I Was Racing?
:'''Mater:''' Yelling? Oh You Thought– ''[Chuckles]'' That's Funny Right There, No See That's 'Cause I Seen These Two Fellers Doing Some Karate Street Performance, It Was Nutso, One Of 'Em Even Had A Flame-thrower.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[With Worry In Disbelief]'' A Flame-thrower? What Are You Talking About, I-I Don't Understand, Where Were You?
:'''Mater:''' Going To Meet My Date.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[Confused]'' Your Date?
:'''Mater:''' She Started Talking To Me As A Voice In My Head, Telling Me Where To Go.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[shocked In enraged]'' '''What?!'''
:'''Mater:''' ''[noticed his friend's angrilyerish glare]'' Wait A Minute, I Didn't Screw Ya Up Did I?
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[angrily]'' '''''I LOST THE RACE BECAUSE OF YOU!'''''
:'''Mater:''' ''[becomes shocked what his friend just said]'' Oh, I'm Sorry I Didn't Mean To.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[refusing to listen to his friend]'' An imaginary girlfriend?! Flamethrowers?! You Know, This Is Exactly Why I Don't Bring You Along To These Things!
:'''Mater:''' Maybe If I, I Don't Know, Talk To Somebody And Explained What Happened I Could Help.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[angrily]'' '''I Don't Need Your Help! I Don't Want Your Help!''' ''[drives off, but is stopped by the paparazzi and Mater is left heartbroken]''
:'''Reporter #1:''' Hey, there he is!
:'''Reporter #2:''' McQueen, you had it in the bag!
:'''Reporter #3:''' Yeah, what happened?
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' I made a mistake, but I can assure you, it won't happen again. ''[Mater sadly walks over to the TV monitors]'' Look Guys, We Know What The Problem Is And We've Taken Care Of It. ''[Mater sadly walks away]''
:'''Brent Mustangburger:''' ''[on TV]'' Lightning McQueen loses in the last lap to Francesco Bernoulli in the first race of the World Grand Prix. And three, count 'em, three cars flamed out, leaving some to suggest that their fuel, Allinol, might be to blame.
:'''Sir Miles Axlerod:''' ''[interviewed]'' Allinol is Safe! Alternative fuel is safe! There is no way my fuel caused these cars to flame out.
:'''Darrell Cartrip:''' Well, the jury may still be out on whether Allinol caused these accidents, but one thing's for sure: Lightning McQueen blew this race!
:'''Brent Mustangburger:''' Team McQueen Can't Be Happy Right Now.
:''[The Scene Changes To A Poster Of Team McQueen At The Airport As Mater Sadly Look At It And Moves Away With The 95 Sticker That Was On His Side Is Shown To Have Been Removed And Moves To Get Ready To Board The Plane, Grem &amp; Acer Are Shown Nearby Spot Him And Look At Each Other With Serious Looks, A Blue Car With No Tires Tries To Go Through The Metal Detector, But The Buzzer Goes Off So He Reverse To Looked At As Mater Joins The Queue, Finn Disguised As A Security Officer And Rolls Up To Him].''
:'''Finn McMissile:''' ''[wearing an airport security disguise, finds Mater at the security screening processes, speaks Japanese]'' Come with me please sir.
:'''Mater:''' But I'm gonna miss my plane.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Right This Way.
:'''Mater:''' Ah, doggone it. This is about my hook, ain't it? I know I should have checked it, but I can't really. ''[they go into the waiting room]'' Look, It's attached to me. ''[Finn takes off his disguise]''  Hey I Know You, You're That Feller From The Karate Demonstration.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' I Never Properly Introduced Myself, Finn McMissile: British Intelligence.
:'''Mater:''' Tow Mater, Average Intelligence.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Who Are You With, FBI, CIA?
:'''Mater:''' Let's Just Say I'm Triple AAA Affiiated, You Know I Know Some Karate, I Don't Wanna Brag Or Nutting, But I Got Me A Black Fan Belt, Hey You Wanna See Some Moves I Made Up?
:'''Finn McMissile:''' You're being followed.
:'''Mater:''' This First One I Can Reach Into A Car's Hood, Pull Out His Battery And Show It To Him Before He Stalls; I Call It, &quot;What I Accidentally Did To My Friend Luigi Once.&quot; ''[does some karate moves, crushing an oil can]'' Hey! Hi-yah-pah! Hi-yah!
:'''Grem:''' There he is!
:'''Mater:''' Hi-hi-tah! Huh! ''[realizes]'' Look, I probably ought to go. I'm about to miss my flight.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' ''[Grabbing Mater By His Grappling Hooks]'' Don't Worry, I've Taken Care Of That.
:'''Mater:''' ''[Being Pulled]'' Whoa!
:'''Finn McMissile:''' ''[Jumps Through The Hole]'' Hang On!
:'''Acer:''' ''[Grunts].''
:'''Mater:''' Whoa-Hah-Hah! This Is First-Class Service, You Don't Even Have To Go Through The Terminal!
:'''Ucchi:''' ''[Speaks In Japanese].''
:'''Mater:''' Your Karate Partners Is Back There, They Kinda Look Like They Trying To Catch Up!
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Drive Forward, Whatever You Do Don't Stop! ''[Spins Around, Making Mater Go Farward].''
:'''Mater:''' ''[As Everett As A Passenger Plane Heads Towards Them]'' Whoa!
:'''Everett:''' Whoa!
:''[Mater Zigzags Around Everett's Wheels, Gram Dodges Him And Prepares To Shoot A Missile As Finn Releases A Wheeled Motorized Jack, Which Comes To Him And Lifts Him Up At An Angle].''
:'''Grem:''' Whoa... ''[Releases His Missile Before Being Tripped Over]'' Aah!
:''[Seeing That Missile Is Heading Towards Them As Finn Releases Another At It, Causing The Two Missiles To Explode From Behind Them].''
:'''Mater:''' Is Everything Okay Back There?
:'''Siddeley:''' Finn It's Sid, I'm On Approach.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' ''[Through The Radio]'' Roger That.
:''[Acer Is Shown Pulling Flatbed Trolleys Of Baggage Across The Runway, Blocking Their Path].''
:'''Mater:''' Member That Whole Thing About Me Not Stopping No Matter What?
:''[Siddeley Appears And Shoots Bullets At The Flatbed Trolleys To Make Some Of Them Go Up Into The Air And Clear The Path].''
:'''Mater:''' I Knew I Shoulda Done Carry-On!
:'''Finn McMissile:''' ''[To Siddeley]'' Thanks Old Boy.
:'''Siddeley:''' ''[Lands On The Runway But Still Moving And Opens His Back Ramp]'' You Got It Mate.
:'''Mater:''' ''[Seeing Holley Inside]'' Hey Doggonit Look It's My Imaginary Girlfriend!
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Come On Get In Here!
:'''Mater:''' I Tell You What, You Really Do Want This First Date Don't Ya? ''[Holley Watches With A Shocked Face]'' There's A No-Quit Attitude Right There. ''[The Gunshots Are Seen Beside Them]'' What The...?
:''[Acer Is Chasing Them And Tries To Shoot At Them With One Of The Bullets Deflates One Of Siddeley's Tires].''
:'''Siddeley:''' ''[Being Turned To The Left And Across The Grass]'' Aargh!
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Hold On Sid!
:''[Siddeley Turns Onto The Grass As Mater &amp; Finn Follow With Acer Hot On Their Trails, Who Goes Into Another Runaway As Finn Fires Back At Acer By Hitting One Of His Tires, Causing Him To Turn Right].''
:'''Acer:''' Aargh!
:''[He Fly Up A Terminal Ramp Truck And Past Two Waitresses Inside The Plane And Land On The Fuel Truck's Tank].''
:'''Siddeley:''' ''[Goes Through Some The Barriers By Knocking Them Down]'' Come On Finn, It's Now Or Never!
:''[Finn Spins Around So That He Is Going Forwards].''
:'''Mater:''' Whoa!
:'''Siddeley:''' ''[Takes Off Just Before He Can Hit The Barriers]'' Hold On!
:'''Mater:''' ''[Through Text On A Letter]'' By The Time You Read This, I Will Be Safely On An Airplane Flying Home, I'm So Sorry For What I Did.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[Reading The Letter]'' &quot;I Don't Want To Be The Cause Of You Losing Anymore Races, I Want You To Go Prove To The World What I Already Know, That You Are The Greatest Race Car In The Whole Wide World, Your Best Friend Mater.&quot; ''[Looks Up]'' I Didn't Really Want Him To Leave.
:'''Guido:''' ''[Sobs].''
:'''Luigi:''' Wait, There's More Here. ''[Brings Out More Notes]'' &quot;P.S. Please Tell The Hotel, I Didn't Mean To Order That Movie, I Thought It Was Just A Preview And I Didn't Realize I Was Paying For It. ''[Moves The Note Aside To Read The Next One]'' PPS, That's Funny Right There PP. ''[Moves It To See Two Notes With P.P.PS. &amp; P.P.P.P.S]'' There Are A Few More Pages Of PS's Here.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' Well At Least I Know If He's At Home, He'll Be Safe.
:''[Back In The Sky].''
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Now That's How I Like To Start The Day, You Never Feel More Alive Than When You're Almost Dead.
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Yeah, I Hope That Device Didn't Fall Off.
:'''Mater:''' Whoa Oh-Oh-Oh, That's The Closet I Ever Been To Missing My Flight That Was... ''[Explain s As Holley Pulls The Device Off Him By Her Telescoping Utility Arm]'' Oh!
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' ''[Checking On The Device]'' Still In One Piece Great.
:'''Mater:''' I've Got To Go To A Doctor, I Keep Get These Sharp Pains In My Undercarriage.
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Downloading The Photo Now.
:'''Mater:''' Hey Let Me Introduce You Two, This Here Is Finn McSomething Or Other, He's A First-Class VIP Airport Whatchamacallit. And Finn, This Is Here Is My Date. ''[Holley Looks Confused At Mater's Comment]'' I Never Did Get Your Name.
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Oh Yes Sorry, It's Shiftwell, Holley Shiftwell.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tomber:''' You Rusty Piece Of Junk, Get Your Dirty Hook Off Me!
:'''Finn McMissile:''' ''[Speaks In French To A Car In The Garage]'' Allez, Maintenant - Vite!
:''[The Car In The Garage Fless As Holley, Mater, &amp; Tomber Enter, Who Angrily Talks In French As Finn Closes The Garage Door So To Keep Anyone From Coming In].''
:'''Tomber:''' ''[Gets Released By Mater]'' Electroshock! Are You Kidding Me?!
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Easy Tomber, This Is Her Field Assignment, She Didn't Know You Were My Informant.
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Informant?
:'''Tomber:''' A Rookie Huh, I Never Liked New Car Smell.
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' ''[Grumbles].''
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Tomber Was Doing 20-To-Life In A Moroccan Impound The First Time I Saved Him If I Recall Correctly.
:'''Tomber:''' Speaking Of Recalls, You're Getting Up There In Mileage Aren't You Finn?
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' All Right We Get It, You Both Know Each Other You're Both Old, So Here You Go Informant: Inform Us.
:'''Tomber:''' Beuck, That Is The Worst Moter Ever Made. ''[Gasps]'' Wait, That Oil Filter, Those Wheel Bearings.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Do Those Parts Look Familiar Tomber?
:'''Tomber:''' They Should, I Sold Them.
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' To Whom?
:'''Tomber:''' No Idea, He's My Best Customer, But He Always Does His Business Over The Phone, I Was Always Wondering Why He Needs So Many Parts, Now I Know.
:'''Mater:''' Well A Lemon Needs Parts Ain't Nothing Truer Than That.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Lemon?
:'''Mater:''' Yeah You Know, Cars That Don't Ever Work Right, Lemons Is A Tow Truck's Bread And Butter Like 'Em Gremlins &amp; Pacers We Run Into At The Party &amp; The Race &amp; The Airport.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Holley, Pull Up The Pictures From The Oil Platform, I Want To Know What Other Type Of Cars Were Out There.
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Right Let's See Um, There Were Hugos &amp; Trunkovs.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Mater, Are These Cars Considered Lemons?
:'''Mater:''' Is The Popmobile Catholic?
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Finn, Everyone Involved In This Plot Is One Of History's Biggest Loser Cars.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' And They're All Taking Their Orders From The Car Behind This Engine.
:'''Tomber:''' Ah, This Explains It!
:'''Finn McMissile:''' What Tomber?
:'''Tomber:''' Gremlin, Pacer, Hugo, &amp; Trunkov Never Get Together, But They Are Having A Secret Meeting In Two Days.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Where's This Meeting Taking Place?
:'''Tomber:''' [[Porto Corsa]], Italy.
:'''Mater:''' That's Where The Next Race Is!
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Then There's A Good Chance Our Mystery Engine Will Be There Too.
:'''Tomber:''' Your Chances Are More Than Good, I Just Sent Him A New Clutch Assembly Yesterday To Porto Corsa.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Holley, Contact Stephenson And Have Him Meet Us At Gare De Lyon: Good Work.
:''[Mater &amp; Tomber Smiled And Nodded At Each Other Respectfully, They're On A Electric Bullet Train Named Stevenson Who Sped Through A Snowly Countryside Into A Tunnel And Watch Footage Of Each Lemon With Black Bodyguards Of Their Basis Who Hold Up Other Cars So They Can Past At The Traffic Lights].''
:'''Mater:''' Boy I'll Tell You What That Three-Wheeled Feller Had To Be Right About A Big Meeting, You Never See This Many Lemons In One Town; 'Less There's A Swap Meet Or Something. ''[To Holley]'' Hey, How'd You Get All Them Pictures?
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Well I Remotely Reprogrammed Porto Corsa's Red Light Cameras To Do Recognition Scans.
:'''Mater:''' Wow, Not Only Is You The Purtiest Car I Ever Met, But You The Smartest Too.
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Thank You I Think.
:'''Mater:''' ''[Noticing A Blue Tow Truck Towing A Yellow Hugo In The Hugo Group]'' That's A Familiar Sight A Hugo Being Towed, But He Looks Absolutely Perfect!
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Of Course, They Must Be The Heads Of The Lemon Families.
:'''Mater:''' Makes Sense If I Was Rich And Broke Down Every Day, I'd Hire Me To Tow Me Around All The Time Too!
:'''Finn McMissile:''' We've Got To Infiltrate That Meeting, It's The Only Way To Find Out Who's Behind All This.
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Hang On Minute.
:'''Mater:''' What?
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' ''[Takes A Picture Of Mater]'' Hold Still.
:'''Mater:''' ''[Affected By The Flash Of The Camera]'' Ow!
:''[Holley Connects Her Telescoping Utility Arm Into The Monitor And Moves The Image Of Mater's Front Over The Blue Tow Truck As Well As Making It Turn To Blue, Showing That They Look Similar].''
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Ah-Ah, Good Job Miss Shiftwell.
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Thank You Finn.
:'''Mater:''' Boy, I Sure Wish My Friends Could See Me Now.
:''[At Luigi &amp; Guido's village in Italy, Uncle Topolino talks to Lightning about his recent tiff with Mater]''
:'''Mama Topolino:''' ''[Speaks In Italian]''
:'''Uncle Topoline:''' She Said You Look Like You Are Starving That She's Gonna Make You A Big Meal And Fatten You Up.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' Oh No, Mama Topolino Please, You Don't Have To Make A Fuss.
:'''Uncle Topolino:''' Capisco, I Understand, Is A Problem Yes Between You &amp; A Friend?
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' How Did You Know That?
:'''Uncle Topolino:''' A Wise Car Hears One Word And Understands Two That And Luigi Told Me. ''[McQueen Gives A Smug Look]'' While Mama Cooks, Come And Take A Stroll With Me.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' I Brought My Friend Mater Along On The Trip And I Told Him He Needed To Act Different That We Weren't In Radiator Springs.
:'''Uncle Topolino:''' This Mater Is A Close Friend?
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' He's My Best Friend.
:'''Uncle Topolino:''' Then Why Would You Ask Him To Be Someone Else?
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[Thinking For A Moment]'' What Did I Do, I Said Some Things During Our Fight.
:'''Uncle Topolino:''' You know, back when Guido and Luigi used to work for me, they would fight over everything. They fight over what Ferrari was the best Ferrari, which one of them looked more like a Ferrari. There were even some non-Ferrari fights. So, tell me them, ''va bene''! It's okay to fight. Everybody fights now and then, especially best friends. But you gotta make up fast. No fight more important than friendship. ''Chi trova un'amico, trova un tesoro.''
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' What does that mean?
:'''Mama Topolino:''' Whoever finds a friend, finds a treasure. Now mangia, eat!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Stephenson:''' Finn, one hour to Porto Corsa.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' ''[as Mater's siren light is fitted]'' Thank you Stephenson.
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Yeah, I think that should just about do it.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Perfect.
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' So Mater, it's voice-activated. But, you know, everything's voice-activated these days.
:'''Mater:''' What? I thought you was supposed to be making me a disguise.
:'''Computer:''' Voice recognized. Disguise program initiated. ''[changes Mater to look like Ivan]''
:'''Mater:''' ''[chuckles]'' Cool! Hey, Computer, make me a German truck.
:'''Computer:''' Request acknowledged. ''[changes Mater to his normal self, wearing lederhosen]''
:'''Mater:''' Check it out! I'm wearing Mater-hosen. Make me a monster truck!
:'''Computer:''' Request acknowledged. ''[changes Mater into a Count Dracula truck]''
:'''Mater:''' What the--? ''[imitating Dracula]'' Ha-ha-ha! I vant to siphon your gas! ''[normal voice]'' Ha-ha! Now make me a taco truck!
:'''Computer:''' Request acknowledged. ''[changes Mater into a taco truck; his horn plays &quot;La Cucaracha&quot;]''
:'''Mater:''' A funny car!
:'''Computer:''' Request acknowledged. ''[changes Mater into a yellow hot rod; he revs his engine]''
:'''Finn McMissile:''' ''[turns Mater back to normal]'' The idea is to keep a ''low'' profile, Mater.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lightning Is Missing Mater At The Race in Italy as the racers gather at the finish line]''
:'''Brent Mustangburger:''' You Are Looking Live At Beautiful Porto Corsa Italy On The Italian Riviera, What A Magnificent Setting For The Second Race Of The World Grand Prix!
:'''David Hobbscap:''' Well Brent, They Call This Place The Gem Of The Riviera And It's Easy To See Why With Its Secluded Beaches And Opulent Casinos, Porto Corsa Truly Is A Playground For The Wealthy And Everyone Who's Anyone Is Here Today From The Ultra-Rich And Super-Famous To World Leaders And Important Dignitaries.
:'''Darrell Cartrip:''' You Aren't Kidding David, You Can't Do A Three-Point Turn Around Here Without Bumping Into Some Celebrity!
:'''Brent Mustangburger:''' Welcome Everyone To The Second Race Of The World Grand Prix Where The Big News Continues To Be Allinol, Sir Miles Axlerod Spoke To The Press Earlier Today To Answer Questions About Its Safety.
:'''Sir Miles Axlerod:''' ''[Being Interviewed]'' An Independent Panel Of Scientists Has Determined That Allinol Is Completely Safe Okay: Safe; There It Is.
:'''Brent Mustangburger:''' So The Race Will Go On Folks.
:'''Darrell Cartrip:''' But The Question Everyone Is Asking: Will The Real Lightning McQueen Show Up Today?
:'''Brent Mustangburger:''' Well He'd Better, Talk About A Home Track Advantage, Francesco Bernoulli Grew Up Racing On This Course.
:'''Italian Announcer:''' ''[As The Races Line Up On The Grid]'' Signore E Signori In The Pole Position, Numero Uno, Francesco!
:'''Francesco Bernoulli:''' Bellissima, Thank You For Your Support And Your Big Mistake McQueen!
:'''Italian Announcer:''' ''[As The Pop Is Shown Attending The Race With His Bodyguards]'' In Secondo Position, Numero 95, Lightning-A McQueen-A!
:'''Luigi:''' ''[Seeing That McQueen Feels Sad]'' McQueen, Is Everything OK?
:'''Fillmore:''' If You're Worried About Your Fuel Man Don't, It's Perfectly Safe.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' No Guys, I Just Really Wish Mater Were Here.
:'''Francesco Bernoulli:''' ''[notices Lightning is sad]'' Francesco Understands This McQueen.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[sarcastically]'' Oh Great Here It Comes, What Do You Got Francesco?
:'''Francesco Bernoulli:''' For Famous Race Cars Like Francesco And Well You To Be Far Away From Home Is Not Easy.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[sarcastically]'' I Think You Forgot The Insulting Part Of That Insult.
:'''Francesco Bernoulli:''' ''[emotionally]'' It's-a no insult! When Francesco is away from home, he misses his mama. Just like-a you miss your tow truck, amigo.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[impressed]'' Gee, I maybe misjudged you, because that's exactly how I--
:'''Francesco Bernoulli:''' ''[smiling]'' Of course. I am at home, and my mama is right here. ''[points and waves at a vintage Ferrari in the crowd who is smiling, blowing kisses and waving back]'' Mama! Don't worry, Mama! McQueen is very sad. I will beat his cry-baby bottom today!
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[sarcastically]'' And there's the insult we were missing. ''Grazie!''
:'''Brent Mustangburger:''' Darrell, The Races Are Settling As They Head To The Italian Countryside.
:'''Darrell Cartrip:''' Whoo Boy, This Is Gonna Be A Great Race.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Miles, a.k.a. the Lemon Kingpin, assembles his cohorts during the penultimate World Grand Prix race]''
:'''Miles:''' ''[in a deep disguised voice]'' Welcome, everyone. I wish I could be with you on this very special day, but... my clutch assembly broke. You know how it is.
:'''Tubbs Pacer:''' Been there.
:'''J. Curby''': Forget about it.
:'''Vladimir''': We know how you feel.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Descramble that voice.
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' I'm trying. Oh, it's too sophisticated!
:'''Miles''': We are here to celebrate. Today, all your hard work pays off. The world turned their backs on cars like us. They stopped manufacturing us, stopped making our parts. The only thing they haven't stopped doing is laughing at us. They've called us terrible names: jalopy, rust bucket, heap, clunker, junker, beater, wreck, rattletrap, lemon. But their insults just give us strength. Because today, my friends, that... all... ends! ''[Carla Veloso blown engine]''
:'''Darrell Cartrip:''' We're smoke! Where the casino bridge!
:'''David Hobbscap:''' Oh No!
:'''Brent Mustangburger:''' ''[worried]'' It's Carla Veloso the Brazilian racecar!
:''[Carla Spins Around And Bumps Off The Side Of The Bridge As Finn &amp; Holley Saw This From Afar].''
:'''Finn McMissile:''' What just happened.
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' I'm working on it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[On TV]'' Crashes Are A Part Of Racing I Know, But Something Like That Should Never Happen.
:'''Darrell Cartrip:''' ''[On TV]'' They're Letting You Choose Your Fuel For The Final Race, Do You Have Any Idea What It's Gonna Be?
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[On TV]'' Allinol.
:'''Lemons:''' ''[Gasps]'' What?!
:'''J. Curby Gremlin:''' Did He Just Say Allinol?!
:'''Darrell Cartrip:''' ''[On TV]'' After Today?
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[On TV]'' My Friend Fillmore Says The Fuel's Safe, That's Good Enough For Me, I Didn't Stand By A Friend Of Mine Recently, I'm Not Gonna Make The Same Mistake Twice.
:'''Brent Mustangburger:''' ''[On TV]'' So A Surprising Revelation From Lightning McQueen, He Will Use Allinol In The Final Race Despite What Occurred Today.
:'''Lemon Kingpin:''' ''[Through The Telephone]'' Till Lightning McQueen Is Dead!
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' Of Course. ''[The Phone Call Ends]'' Allinol Must Be Finished For Good. McQueen Cannot Win The Last Race. Lightning McQueen Must Be Killed!
:'''Mater:''' No!
:''[Mater Bumps Into A TV Which Breaks His Special Siren Light, He Turns Into All The Silly Disguises And Turns Normal].''
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' '''''It's The American Spy!!!'''''
:''[The Lemons Aim Guns At Him].''
:'''Mater:''' Dad-Gum!
:'''Computer:''' ''[Gets The Gatling Guns Out Of Mater's Bodywork]'' Gatling Gun: Request Acknowledged.
:'''Mater:''' Let Me Go!
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' You Actually Care About That Race Car: A Pity You Didn't Warn Him In Time.
:''[The Transport Vehicle's Door Shuts, Trapping Mater Inside And Blacks Him Out With Sleeping Gas].''
:'''Mater:''' ''[From Off-Screen]'' Idiot, Is That How You See Me?
:'''Finn McMissile:''' ''[From Off-Screen]'' That's How Everyone Sees You, I Tell You That's The Genius Of It, No One Realizes They're Being Fooled Because They're Too Busy Laughing At The Fool... ''[Echoes].''
:''[Mater Opens The Door Like Gates Of Heaven, The First Flashback In Crowd In Tokyo, Japan].''
:'''Mater:''' ''[Been Leaked On The Stage]'' But I Never Leak Oil Never!
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' Mater, You Have To Get A Hold Of Yourself You're Making A Scene!
:''[At The Sixth Flashback...]''
:'''Mater:''' ''[Noticed His Friend's Angry Glare]'' Wait A Minute, I Didn't Screw Ya Up Did I?
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[Angrily] '''&lt;big&gt;I LOST THE RACE BECAUSE OF YOU!!&lt;/big&gt;'''''
:'''Mater:''' Maybe If I Talked To Somebody–
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[Angrily]'' '''I Don't Need Your Help! I Don't Want Your Help!''' ''[Echoes].''
:''[Mater Sadly Lowers His Head And Hears The Words Echoed Around Him].''
:'''Mater:''' ''[Banging The Gong As Random Cars Laugh]'' Bang The Gong: Get It On!
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[Voice]'' Listen, This Isn't Radiator Springs, This Is Exactly Why I Don't Bring You Along To These Things!
:''[Mater's Eyes Are Filled In Terror And Watches This, He Wakes Up To See He's Tied Up Above Cogs As A Bell Chimes And Finds Himself In A Room Full Of Cogs And Looks To See Tied Up Dangling Next To Him With Finn &amp; Holley Tied Up In The Gears' Teeth].''
:'''Mater:''' Holley! Finn! Where Are We?
:'''Finn McMissile:''' We're In [[London]] Mater, Inside Big Bentley.
:''[The Camera Zooms Out To Show The Outside Of The Great Elizabeth Tower Where Big Bentley Is With The Clock Saying 3 O'Clock In The Afternoon, The Changes Shot To Show The Tower Next To The Houses Of Parliament As The Ropes Holding Mater &amp; The Cages Unwind].''
:'''Mater:''' Oh This, This Is All My Fault.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Don't Be A Fool Mater.
:'''Mater:''' But I Am Remember, You Said So.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Where Did I; Oh; Mater, I Was Complimenting You On What A Good Spy You Are.
:'''Mater:''' ''[In A Shout That Echoes]'' '''&lt;big&gt;I'M NOT A SPY!!!!&lt;/big&gt;''' ''[Voice Echoes As Finn &amp; Holley Feels Completely In Shocked]'' I've Been Trying To Tell You That The Whole Time, I Really Am Just A Tow Truck.
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Finn, He's Not Joking.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' I Know.
:'''Mater:''' You Were Right Finn, I'm A Fool And What's Happened To McQueen Is 'Cause I'm Such A Big One: This Is All My Fault.
:''[They Notice Grem &amp; Acer Arrive In An Elevator].''
:'''Grem:''' ''[To Mater, Holley and Finn]'' Good, You're Up.
:'''Acer:''' And Just In Time.
:'''Grem:''' ''[Uncovers The EMP Generator]'' Professor Z Wanted You To Have A Front-Row Seat For The Death Of Lightning McQueen.
:'''Mater:''' He's Still Alive?
:'''Acer:''' Not For Much Longer.
:''[At the third and final race in London, Grem has the E.M.P. ray aimed at Lightning]''
:'''Grem:''' Here he comes.
:''[Mater watches horrified as Grem starts the Emitter at 100% power. The Emitter's red light glows brightly. The Emitter continues to aim at Lightning, but nothing happens to him and continues racing]''
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' What happened?
:'''Grem:''' I don't know, Professor.
:'''Acer:''' What did you do.
:'''Grem:''' I didn't do nothing.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Finn McMissile:''' ''[Through The Radio]'' Mater!
:'''Mater:''' Finn, You're OK!
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Listen To Me, The Bomb Is On You, They Know You'd Try To Help McQueen, When We Were Knocked Out They Planned It In Your Air Filter!
:'''Mater:''' Uh-Oh.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' ''[Coming Down The Pit Lane]'' Mater, There You Are!
:'''Mater:''' Stop Right There!
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' Oh Man, I've Been So Worried About You!
:'''Mater:''' Don't Come Any Closer!
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' Are You OK?
:'''Mater:''' ''[Reverses Out Of The Pit Lane Into The Racetrack]'' No I'm Not OK, Stay Away From Me!
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' No Wait, Wait!
:'''Brent Mustangburger:''' Hold Everything, A Tow Truck Has Just Raced Onto The Track And He's Driving Backwards!
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' Mater Wait!
:'''David Hobbscap:''' Normally An Emergency Vehicle On The Track Means There's Been An Accident.
:'''Brent Mustangburger:''' Wait Wait, Lightning McQueen Is Chasing Him!
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' Mater Wait!
:'''Mater:''' ''[Drives Around The Victoria Memorial]'' Stay Back, If You Get Close To Me You're Going To Get Hurt Real Bad!
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' I Know I Made You Feel That Way Before, But None Of That Matters Because We're Best Friends!
:'''Brent Mustangburger:''' And McQueen Seems To Be Having A Conversation With The Tow Truck.
:'''Darrell Cartrip:''' I Don't Know Who That Truck Is Brent, But I'll Tell You What, He's Got To Be The World's Best Backwards Driver.
:'''Mater:''' McQueen, You Don't Get It, I'm The Bomb!
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' Yes Mater, You Are The Bomb, That's What I'm Trying To Say Here, You've Always Been The Bomb And You'll Always Be The Bomb!
:'''Mater:''' Stay Away!
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' No, Never!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Holley, I'll get Zündapp, you help Mater!
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Got it!
:''[Holley flies right on top of Francesco, disorienting him].''
:'''Francesco Bernoulli:''' '''''WHAT IS HAPPENING?!'''''
:''[Professor Z Zooms Through The Streets And Passes Through The Traffic And Raced Towards The Tower Bridge Where Tony Trihull Is Waiting For Him At The River Thames].''
:'''Tony Trihull:''' Hurry Professor!
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' Aah!
:'''Finn McMissile:''' ''[to Professor Zündapp]'' Ha! Do you really think, I'm goin' to let you float away, Professor?!
:'''Mater''': McQueen, let go!
:'''Lightning''': Never!
:'''Blue Gremlin''': ''[via headset]'' Hey they're coming your way.
:'''Grem''': Let's go. 
:'''Professor Zündapp:''' Give it up, McMissile! ''[But, like any other hero, Finn refuses to give up and launches bombs at Tony, who looks at them in horror. The bombs then explode massively, killing and destroying Tony once and for all, and Professor Zündapp is captured by Finn. Holley is then seen catching up to Lightning and Mater.]''
:'''Holley''': Mater, stop!
:'''Mater''': No way! You could get hurt.
:'''Holley''': ''[gasps; sees Grem and Acer heading towards Lightning and Mater with guns drawn]'' Oh, no. ''[She bumps into Grem and Acer]'' 
:'''Acer &amp; Grem:''' '''AAH!'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Holley Shiftwell''': Mater, we've gotta get that bomb off you.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' Bomb?
:'''Mater:''' ''[explains to his friend]'' Yeah, they strapped it to me to kill you as a backup plan.
:'''Lightning McQueen''': Backup plan? Mater, who put a bomb on you? ''[Finn arrives with Professor Zündapp strapped up]''
:'''Professor Zündapp''': ''[to Lightning]'' '''''You.''''' Why didn't my death ray '''''KILL YOU?!'''''
:'''Lightning McQueen''': ''[shocked/flabbergasted]'' Death ray?!
:'''Finn McMissile:''': Turn off the bomb, Zündapp! ''(Now!)''
:'''Professor Zündapp''': Are you all so dense? It's voice-activated. Everything is voice-activated these days.
:'''Mater''': Deactivate! Deactivate!
:'''Bomb Computer''': Voice denied. ''[activates countdown timer for 5:00; Mater gasps in shock]''
:'''Finn McMissile''': ''(Mater, what's wrong?)''
:'''Professor Zündapp''': Oops! ''[scoffs]'' Did I forget to mention it can only be disarmed by the one who activated it?
:'''Holley Shiftwell''': ''[firmly pulls out her taser gun]'' Say it!
:'''Professor Zündapp''': ''[nonchalantly]'' Deactivate.
:'''Bomb Computer''': Voice denied. ''[timer subtracts 1 minute]''
:'''Mater''': ''[alarmed]'' Whoa!
:'''Professor Zündapp''': ''[his last words in the film]'' Oh. I'm not the one who activated it. Would anyone else like to try? ''[gets tazed by Holley and knocked out unconscious]''
:'''Finn McMissile:''' ''[smirks]'' You read my mind.
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Ugh, he was getting on my nerves.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' What do we do?
:'''Victor Hugo:''' It's very simple. You blow up. ''[The whole group of lemons surround the four]''
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' I'm gonna go out on a limb here - these are the guys that want me dead, correct?
:'''Vladimir''': It's nothing personal.
:'''Mater:''' Fellers listen, I know what you're going through. Everybody's been laughing at me my whole life too. But becoming powerful and rich beyond your wildest dreams ain't gonna make you feel better. ''[The lemons seem to take this in]''
:'''J. Curby Gremlin:''' ''[deploying his gun]'' Yeah, but it's worth a shot!
:[Red with Sally behind him squirts J. Curby and four gremlins behind a fence, Finn shoots his harpoon line into four Hugos and shoots his grappling hooks upwards slamming the Hugos into each other, Holley deploits her wings taking a pair of the Hugos and slams them into a pair of gremlins, Luigi and Guido split off their tires, immobilizing them]
:'''Guido:''' Pitstop!
:[Flo shines her lights on Vladimir temporarily blinding him]
:'''Sheriff:''' ''[puts a boot on Vladmir]'' Not today boys!!
:[Mater yells as he karate hits and slams Ivan, two Hugos, and lasso throws Tubbs Pacer out which Ramone sternly spray paint swipes him in the right eye giving him a bit of pinkeye]
:''[Finn, Mater, Lightning, Holley, Sheriff, Luigi, &amp; Guido sternly face off at the remaining lemons and Tubbs Pacer with angered looks]''
:'''Tubbs Pacer:''' Retreat!!
:[The remaining lemons and Tubbs Pacer flee the area, but stop when they see Sarge with the British military.]
:'''Sarge:''' Thanks for the help, Corporal.
:'''Josh Coolant:''' Anything for one of Pops' mates.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Guido:''' ''[Tries to unscrew the bomb from Mater's hood, but fails]'' Con questi bullone el cabo il mie chiave non funzionano! ''[throws his tool gun towards the ground and walks away]''
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' [to Luigi] Wh-What's he saying? What's wrong?
:'''Luigi:''' None of his wrenches fit the bolts!
:'''Mater:''' ''[looks and then gets a sudden realization]'' I get it. I get it! I know what needs to be done!
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' (Really?) Then do it!
:'''Mater:''' What? No. I can't do it. Look, nobody takes me seriously. I know that now. This ain't Radiator Springs.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' Yes, it is. Look, you're yourself in Radiator Springs. Be yourself here. And if... if people aren't taking you seriously, then they need to change, not you. I know that now because I was wrong before. Now, you can do this. You're the bomb.
:'''Mater:''' ''[starts to feel better]'' Thanks, buddy.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' No, no, no, you're the ''actual'' bomb! Now let's go!
:'''Mater:''' Oh, right! Hang on! ''[Lightning hooks up to him and drives away with him]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Mater has delivered Lightning to Buckingham Palace and exposes the bomb to the audience with barely 2 minutes left on the clock, causes a massive scramble]''
:'''Finn McMissile:''' ''[arriving; to the audience]'' Hold your fire! He can't disarm it! Mater, I don't know what you're doing, ''[Holley arrives]'' but stand down now!
:'''Mater''': This ain't nothing at all like Radiator Springs.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' Mater, just cut to the chase.
:'''Mater''': Okay. It's ''him!'' ''[points to Miles]''
:'''Sir Miles Axlerod:''' ''What? Me?'' You've got to be crazy.
:'''Mater''': I figured it out when I realized y'all attached this tickin' time bomb with Whitworth bolts, the same bolts that hold together that old British engine from the photograph. Holley, show that picture!
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Okay. ''[shows the holographic photo of the mysterious hood engine]''
:'''Mater''': And then ''I'' remembered what they said about old British engines: &quot;If there ain't no oil under 'em, there ain't no oil (over) in 'em&quot;.
:'''Sir Miles Axlerod:''' What is he talking about?
:'''Mater''': It was you leaking oil at the party in Japan. ''You'' just blamed it on me.
:'''Sir Miles Axlerod:''' Electric cars don't use oil, you twit!
:'''Mater''': Then ''you're'' fakin' it. ''You'' didn't convert to no electric. ''[Miles realizes that he knows the truth, then backs away]'' When we pop that hood, we gonna see that engine from that picture right there.
:'''Sir Miles Axlerod:''' ''[panicking]'' This lorry's crazy! ''He's'' gonna kill us all! ''[backs up to the edge of the stage]'' '''''Stay away!'''''
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' But Sir Axlerod created the race, Mater. Why would ''he'' want to hurt anyone?
:'''Mater:''' To Make Allinol Look Bad So Everybody'd Go Back To Using Oil, I Mean He Said It Himself With That Disgusted Voice.
:'''Sir Miles Axlerod:''' &quot;Disguised voice&quot;? What are you talking about? You're nuts, you are!
:'''Prince William:''' This Is Going Nowhere Fast, We Really Should Go Grandmother.
:'''The Queen:''' One Moment, I'd Like To See Where This Is Going.
:''[The bomb's countdown is at 29 seconds]''
:'''Finn McMissile''': Mater, ''he'' created Allinol.
:'''Mater''': Yeah, but what if ''he'' found that huge oil field just as the world was tryna find somethin' else? What if ''he'' came up with Allinol just to make alternative fuel look bad?
:'''Sir Miles Axlerod:''' ''[as the bomb's countdown goes from 19 to 18 seconds]'' &quot;What if&quot;? You're basing this on a ''&quot;what if&quot;?!''
:'''Security Guard:''' Okay, that's it.
:'''Another Security Guard:''' Right, lads, clear out! ''[the other guards evacuate, followed by the Queen and the spectators]''
:'''Sir Miles Axlerod:''' Wait, somebody save me! The lorry's crazy! Keep away, you idiot!
:'''Finn McMissile:''' ''[shocked]'' ''Mater?!''
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' ''[worried]'' Mater!
:'''Sir Miles Axlerod:''' Someone, do something!
:'''Car in Crowd:''' ''[alarmed]'' Drive away!
:''[Mater stands his ground, glaring at Miles, while everyone braces for the explosion including Finn Holley and Lightning]''
:'''Sir Miles Axlerod:''' You're insane, you are! ''[the bomb counts down at 3 to 2 seconds]'' '''''DEACTIVATE!''''' ''[The bomb's countdown stops at 1 second, then shows the words &quot;Voice Accepted&quot;]''
:'''Bomb Computer''': Bomb deactivated. Have a nice day, Sir Axlerod:).
:''[Mater smiles in satisfaction. The police cruisers surround a shocked Miles, as Mater pops the hood open, revealing the mysterious V-8 engine]''
:'''Finn McMissile''': The engine from the photo.
:'''Holley Shiftwell''': ''[Compares the image]'' It's a perfect match.
:'''Sir Miles Axlerod:''' ''[his last words; still shocked]'' How did the tow truck figure it out? ''[getting escorted away by the police cruisers, offscreen]''
:'''Lightning McQueen''': ''[to Mater]'' It's official. You're coming to all my races from now on.
:'''Mater''': Now you're talking!
:''[they forgivingly bump their tires]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[For his actions, Mater is being knighted by the Queen]''
:'''The Queen:''' I hereby dub thee ''Sir'' Tow Mater.
:''[the crowd cheers and applauds]''
:'''Mater:''' &quot;Sir&quot;? Shoot, you can just call me Mater, Your Majesty. I don't wanna hear none of this &quot;sir&quot; business. By the way, have y'all met each other? Queen, McQueen. McQueen, Queen. McQueen, McMissile. McMissile, McQueen. Queen, McMissile.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mater''': So, there we were, my rocket jets goin' full blast, McQueen hangin' on for dear life, when suddenly, them two nasty lemons come out of nowhere with guns drawn. We was goners. But then, out of nowhere, this beautiful spy car swoops in from the sky to save us.
:'''Minny:''' That's a very entertaining story, young man.
:'''Van''': Oh, Minny, please. Come on! None of this happened. Rocket jets, flying spy cars--
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' ''[out of nowhere]'' No, you're quite right. ''[landing]'' It ''does'' sound a bit far-fetched.
:'''Mater''': Holley! What are you doin' here?
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Hello, Mater! It's so good to see you again.
:'''Mater''': Finn!
:'''Finn McMissile:''' Our Satellites Picked Up An Urgent Communiqué.
:'''Luigi''': So, you got-a my email.
:'''Mater''': Oh, man. Y'all is gon' have a great time. Everybody, this here's Finn McMissile. He's a secret agent. Don't tell nobody. And this is Holley Shiftwell. She's--
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' I'm Mater's girlfriend. It's so nice to meet you all.
:''[Guido's jaw drops, his forks hit the ground in shock]''
:'''Luigi:''' ''[smiling]'' Guido believe you now.
:'''Flo:''' ''[Looking At Holley's Dent]'' Whoa Honey, You Got A Nasty Dent There.
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Yeah.
:'''Van:''' Was That From When You Swooped In And You Saved Them In London?
:'''Minny:''' Van!
:'''Van:''' What, I'm Just Asking!
:'''Flo:''' Ah Don't You Worry Sweet Pea, My Baby Ramone Can Get That Fixed Up For You In No Time.
:'''Ramone:''' Yeah Sure Thing Man No Problemo, Just Let Me Go Get My Tools.
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Oh-No-No, I-I'm Keeping That Dent; It's Way Too Valuable.
:'''Mater:''' ''[Grins].''
:'''Lizzie:''' A Valuable Dent, Oh She's As Crazy As Mater.
:'''Mack:''' Oh Those Two Are Perfect For Each Other.
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' You know, there's one thing I still don't get. The bad guys hit me with the beam from the camera, right? So, why didn't I...
:'''Mater:''' ''[finishing his friend's question]'' Explode in a fiery inferno?
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' Yeah.
:'''Finn McMissile:''' We couldn't figure that one out either.
:'''Holley Shiftwell:''' Our investigation proved that Allinol was actually gasoline and Axlerod engineered it so when It got hit by the beam it would explode.
:'''Lightning McQueen''': Wait a second, Fillmore; You said my fuel was safe.
:''[Everyone turns and curiously looks at Fillmore]''
:'''Fillmore:''' If you're implying that I switched out that rot-gut excuse for alternative fuel with my all-natural, sustainable, organic biofuel just because I never trusted Axlerod, you're dead wrong, man; It was ''him.'' ''[points to Sarge]''
:'''Sarge''': Once big oil, always big oil... man.
:'''Fillmore''': Tree-hugger.
:''[The Camera Shows On A Banner Saying &quot;Radiator Springs Grand Prix&quot; Before Moving Down To Show Sheriff Slowly Driving Along The Main Road With The World Grand Prix Racers Behind Him With The Spectators Watching Beside Hay Bales Being Used As Barriers].''
:'''Sheriff:''' The Radiator Springs Grand Prix Is About To Begin; All Spectators, Clear The Starting Line.
:'''Lewis Hamilton:''' Man, I Can't Wait To Get Rocking; This Is Gonna Be Wicked!
:'''Jeff Gorvette:''' Yeah, We Should Do This Every Year.

== Taglines ==
* Fuel the love.
* Spy it only in theaters June 24, 2011.
* The mission begins.
* From the creators of ''[[Toy Story 3]]''.
* Original score composed by [[w:Michael Giacchino|Michael Giacchino]].
* They're not just racing around the world; they're racing to save the world.

== See also ==
* ''[[Cars (film)|Cars]]''
* ''[[Cars 3]]''

== Cast ==
{{col-begin}}
{{col-3}}
* [[w:Owen Wilson|Owen Wilson]] — [[w:Lightning McQueen|Lightning McQueen]]
* [[Larry the Cable Guy]] — [[w:Mater (Cars)|Mater]]
* [[w:Michael Caine|Michael Caine]] — [[w:List of Cars characters#Finn McMissile|Finn McMissile]]
* [[w:Emily Mortimer|Emily Mortimer]] — [[w:List of Cars characters#Holley Shiftwell|Holley Shiftwell]]
* [[Eddie Izzard]] — [[w:List of Cars characters#Sir Miles Axlerod|Miles Axlerod]]
* [[w:John Turturro|Johnny Turturro]] — [[w:List of Cars characters#Francesco Bernoulli|Francesco Bernoulli]]
* [[w:Brent Musburger|Brent Musburger]] — [[w:List of Cars characters#Brent Mustangburger|Brent Mustangburger]]
* [[w:Thomas Kretschmann|Thomas Kretschmann]] — [[w:List of Cars characters#Professor Zündapp|Professor Zündapp]] 
* [[w:Joe Mantegna|Joe Mantegna]] — [[w:List of Cars characters#Grem|Grem]]
* [[w:Peter Jacobson|Peter Jacobson]] — [[w:List of Cars characters#Acer|Acer]]
* [[w:Kenan Thompson|Kenan Thompson]] — Victor Hugo
* [[w:Bonnie Hunt|Bonnie Hunt]] — [[w:Sally Carrera|Sally]]
* [[w:Cheech Marin|Cheech Marin]] — Ramone
* [[w:Paul Nakauchi|Paul Nakauchi]] — [[w:List of Cars characters#Shu Todoroki|Shu Todoroki]]
* [[w:Jeff Gordon|Jeff Gordon]] — [[w:Jeff Gorvette|Jeff Gorvette]]
* [[Lewis Hamilton]] — Himself
* [[Darrell Waltrip]] — [[w:List of Cars characters#Darrell Cartrip|Darrell Cartrip]]
* [[w:Franco Nero|Franco Nero]] — [[w:List of Cars characters#Uncle Topolino|Uncle Topolino]]
* [[w:John Ratzenberger|John Ratzenberger]] — [[w:List of Cars characters#Mack|Mack]]
{{col-end}}

== Teaser Trailer ==
:'''Narrator:''' The most advanced technology, the most exotic locations, the most dangerous assignments. Next summer, get ready to roll, with the world's newest secret agents.
:''[Lightning and Mater are putting red lights around them]''
:'''Lightning McQueen:''' Mater?
:'''Mater:''' I think we bit off more than we could chew.
:''[the text puts up film's title and Spy it only in theaters June 2011]''

== External Links ==
{{wikipedia}}
*{{imdb title|id=1216475|title=Cars 2}}

{{Cars}}
{{Authority control}}

[[Category:2011 computer-animated films]]
[[Category:2011 American animated films]]
[[Category:2010s American animated films]]
[[Category:British computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American 3D animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated action films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:Animated buddy films]]
[[Category:American animated films about revenge]]
[[Category:Cars (film)]]
[[Category:Sports films]]
[[Category:Spy films]]
[[Category:American auto racing films]]
[[Category:American sequel films]]
[[Category:Films set in California]]
[[Category:Films set in Arizona]]
[[Category:Films set in Italy]]
[[Category:Films set in London]]
[[Category:Films set in Britain]]
[[Category:Films set in Paris]]
[[Category:Films set in France]]
[[Category:Films set in Tokyo]]
[[Category:Films set in Japan]]
[[Category:Films directed by John Lasseter]]</text>
      <sha1>dxvqls3pnj1q8amgb45ykk1x2hhkk92</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Heather Brooke</title>
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      <comment>/* Official Substack Newsletters */ Quotes from Dr. Heather's last two Substacks</comment>
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      <text bytes="67977" sha1="lss0besck6jrlsqvbpd5boc8y136hw2" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Heather Brooke May 12.jpg|thumb|Heather Brooke in 2012]]

'''[[wikipedia:Heather Brooke|Heather Rose Brooke]]''' (born [[1970]]) is a British-American journalist and [[w:freedom of information|freedom of information]] campaigner.  The author of ''Your Right to Know'', ''The Silent State'', ''Assange Agnosties'' and ''The Revolution Will Be Digitised'', Brooke was a 2010 winner of the Washington Coalition for Open Government &quot;Key Award&quot;. Also known as the pioneer who forced the British Parliament to answer to its own freedom of information laws.

== Quotes ==

=== ''Your Right to Know: A Citizen's Guide to the Freedom of Information Act'', 2nd Edition ===
* As the saying goes - the cost of freedom is eternal vigilance. Politicians have taken advantage of our indifference by imposing ever more draconian and restrictive laws that increase their power while diminishing ours. Asking questions of our public bodies is the best way to ensure they are working for our interests and not those of politicians. Through FOI we can go behind political rhetoric to see the true state of affairs.
** p. 4.

* The success of any freedom of information regime depends on two main factors: A tightly drawn law with a clear statement of intent that makes clear statement of intent that makes clear a presumption of openness, and a bold regulator who is tough and not afraid to exert his authority and challenge government interests.
** p. 4-5.

* The cost of making government more responsive to the people who fund it and in whose name it exists should not be attributed solely to FOI, but even if it is, surely that is a cost worth bearing? Making government transparent and accountable to the public directly increases the efficiency of the public sector more than any number of government regulators or watchdogs.
** p. 5.

* '''Getting information is only the beginning. Transparency in government must be accompanied by the public's right to be heard and to influence government policy. The first objective is to get the facts, for without facts we are powerless to oppose government decisions or bring about change. The next step is to open up the decision-making process so we finally have a government accountable to those it serves. This should be our right and not a privilege.'''
** p. 8.

* You should not expect politicians to promote freedom of information. Why should they? They have a vested interest in controlling the public's access to information and thereby maintaining their grip on power.
** p. 285.

* Politicians may initially find it difficult to accept new standards of public accountability, but we must make the costs of not doing so even greater. The best way to do this is by publicly embarrassing and shaming those officials and departments who refuse to answer to the public.
** p. 286.

* Maybe you would prefer not to be bothered with how the government is run. If that's the case then you have no right to complain when your taxes are raised, or if your children's education is substandard, or you have to wait a year for a vital operation. Good government does not happen by itself but is the result of individual effort. One of the easiest and most effective things you can do is simply to ask for information. I hope I've given you the tools and confidence to do exactly that.
** p. 286.

=== ''The Silent State: Secrets, Surveillance and the Myth of British Democracy'', 1st Edition ===
* In secrecy, bureaucracies grow large, ungainly and unaccountable to those they are meant to serve. When there is no fierce spotlight of public accountability shining, there is no pressure to ensure systems are streamlined or even working. What you find throughout any bureaucracy protected by secrecy is a cesspit of illogic and waste. And because the state keeps rebranding, shifting responsibility from one set of bureaucrats to another, most of the work being done is for the purpose of keeping other bureaucrats in employment rather than satisfying the needs of the public.
** p. 35.

* In the public sphere, perception is reality: it's more important to be seen to do something than actually to do it. At least when private companies use PR and advertising they must spend their own money and there are other corporations vying for our business. If a company doesn't give us what we want they face bankruptcy. Public institutions, however, are monopolies. We have no choice but to buy, if not use, their services. If we don't like the way our particular police force operates it's not like we can choose another one or even withhold the money used to run the one we don't like. We're forced - under threat of imprisonment - to pay for a monopoly service and for it to tell us how great it is. This is the real danger of institutional PR. In the absence of competition it is only through a diversity of opinion and public scrutiny that some level of accountability can exist. PR stifles debate and suppresses opinion through the use of centralized press offices and communication protocols.
** p. 45-46.

* Bureaucracy is the business of controlling other humans, making them do what you want them to do. That may be acceptable if what you are asking them to do is reasonable, rational and for the common good, but more likely what bureaucrats ask is treasonable, nonsensical and counterproductive to the public good. This is because the primary business of a bureaucrat, left unchecked, is creating more bureaucracy to further his or her own prestige and power.  The result is that rules are in place serving no function but to keep bureaucrats in work and to expand their bureaucratic fiefdom. Before you know it you can't even hold a village fete without filling out more than fifteen different forms from various arms of the government.
** p. 92-93.

* There are three main things the public need to know about courts:&lt;br&gt;
# Who is using them
# For what purpose (e.g. the case detail)
# The result
We need to know these things to ensure justice is being done, to understand the laws under which we live and to make best use of the finite resources that fund the judicial system. If the courts are becoming the preserve of the rich, corrupt or brutal, then we need to know as we are footing the bill.
** p. 150-151.

* Once the right of the people to see justice being done is eroded, it is not long before there is no justice at all.
** p. 185

=== ''The Revolution Will Be Digitised: Dispatches From the Information War'', 1st Edition ===
* We are at an extraordinary moment in human history: never before has the possibility of true democracy been so close to realisation. At the cost of publishing and duplication has dropped to near zero, a truly free press, and a truly informed public, becomes a reality. A new Information Enlightment is dawning where knowledge flows freely, beyond national boundaries. Technology is breaking down traditional social barriers of status, class, power, wealth and geography, replacing them with an ethos of collaboration and transparency. In this new Enlightenment it isn't just scientific truths that are the goal, but discovering truths about the way we live, about politics and power.
** p. ix.

* Citizens around the world have long declared a desire to be trusted with the formation of their own opinions, and that can only come when they have access to the facts. This is the essence of the information war. Do we trust citizens to communicate freely and come to their own conclusions, or do we believe those in authority have a right to restrict and manipulate what we know? Do we hold to Enlightenment ideals of reason and the pursuit of truth no matter where that takes us, or put our faith in authority to make certain an uncertain world?
** p. x.

* The Internet is powerful because it allows people to organise around issues at unprecedented speed, broadcast their thoughts and challenge those in charge. A wave of such groups banded together in early 2011 to demand the removal of authoritarian leaders in the Middle East as one country after another rose up with varying degrees of success. But the Internet doesn't cause revolution. It is a communications network. What people choose to do with technology - that is where we can make moral judgements. Some people will use it for ill, others for good. Security forces tend to focus on the ills, while the majority use it for good. In the name of protecting us from 'bad things on the Internet' there are increasing moves to suppress communications networks in both repressive and democratic countries. Demands to shut down, censor, filter or in other ways oversee and control the way people communicate are on the rise.
** p. xi.

* At a time of information overload, good journalists are more important then ever. They serve as the public's hired guns to collect information from various sources and challenge it for the purpose of distilling down what is important and true. They-signpost issues that are worthy of our attention. In the past when we bought newspapers we were paying for that particular newspaper with its content- a bundle of news and entertainment. In the digital age we're buying the carriage (e.g. the Internet access) and readers decide later what information they want to view over that carrier.
** p. 70.

* Being a professional journalist is rather like training to be a lawyer. There's a certain amount you can learn in school but largely it is a vocation learned through practice, with scepticism being a primary attribute.
** p. 70.

* The powerful have historically tried to impose their will through mechanisms of enforced ignorance such as censorship, secrecy, threats, physical intimidation and violence. This model is difficult to sustain in a networked world based on Enlightenment values. This is not to say that Western democracies have abandoned these heavy-handed tactics, but more often the methods have shifted to more sophisticated ways of maintaining power such as media management, public relations and legal intimidation. In the midst of all this information and misinformation how can we filter out what is important and true?
** p. 72.

* When a politician claims for example that 'crime is down' since he implemented a certain policy, it is the professional investigative journalist who knows the raw data on which this statement is based (criminal incident reports) and who asks for verification. He or she can then go to other sources to question the veracity of the data. '''The reason I specialise in the intricate details of bureaucracy isn't because I have a passion for paper-pushers, but rather because I need to know all the types of information collected, by whom and where they are stored so I can get my hands on them.''' A statement isn't a fact. Even '''when the person making the statement is an authority he or she still needs to provide evidence or proof that what they say is the truth and a professional journalist should be asking for this proof and supplying it for public scrutiny. All this accumulating of statements, data and information which then has to be verified takes time. But this is the only thing a journalist does that marks him out as a professional.''' It's the only reason anyone would choose a well-known newspaper's website over an unknown blog. The newspaper as a brand has built up, over time, a reputation for challenging the powerful and giving people meaningful, true information. '''The press is not like any other business and what it sells shouldn't just be rehashed press releases or celebrity gossip, but the civic information necessary for people to understand their society and participate in it. It is a check on political and financial power, or at least it should be.'''
** p. 72-73

* Leaks have happened before. They are not new. But the industrial scale of leaking made possible through the digitisation of information and the ability to communicate instantly across the globe - that ''is'' new. If it is to be revolutionary, however, we need a model for a new type of politics.
** p. 226.

* Free speech is not the great danger for humanity. Concentration of power is. We learn this lesson over and over again, and yet seem compelled eternally to repeat it. Communism, colonialism, monarchy, state socialism, tyranny- all become enemies of the people because they offer their citizens not too many opportunities to communicate or associate, but too few. Power is the dynamic force that fuels politics and it is this, not speech, which needs to be constantly monitored, controlled and checked. We view crimes against humanity as aberrations, individuals gone wild, when we should be seeing them through the prism of power. Abuse happens when a culture values some people more than others and those exercising power are not accountable for their actions.
** p. 230.

* Authoritarians offer citizens a deal: if we hand over our freedom, they will guarantee certainty and safety. This might have been possible in a closed society with little interaction between people, but it is a false promise in a knowledge economy where citizens are interconnected. If the best chaos theorists can't model the weather beyond a week, how does the National Security Agency think it can predict which of us will turn into a terrorist? If our intelligence agencies persist in monopolising knowledge we will see continued intelligence failures.
** p. 236.

* Over the past year I've thought a lot about censorship, surveillance and regulation of the Internet. Is it necessary? Is it really so dangerous to allow individuals an ability to associate and communicate freely? Certainly there exists a criminal minority who take advantage of the freedom of the Internet, but no one is arguing that crimes shouldn't be prosecuted. This is about allowing the vast majority of people to communicate without state intervention. Despite all the dire warnings, the prophesies of doom and destruction that were foretold by the Pentagon, the US State Department, Hosni Mubarak, even English High Court Judge Eady, I look at the fallout from all that was published in 2010, all the breaches to establishment power that occurred through a networked citizenry- and the good clearly outweighs the bad. From the uprising in Iceland to the ousting of dictators in the Middle East, free speech has fundamentally changed the world for the good.
** p. 236.

* Why, then, are the world's governments intent on controlling and regulating the Internet? Free speech is most threatening to authoritarian systems such as autocracies, militaries, the police and security services. '''Security services in principle exist for our protection but that is so only when they are accountable to the public for their considerable power.''' We are seeing a push by these agencies to move beyond the rule of law, to be accountable to no one but themselves. '''National security is becoming the new word of God to which all must submit in blind obedience.''' The decisions made, the liberties eroded, the crimes committed in the name of national security cannot be challenged because the information on which they are based remains secret.
** pp. 236-237.

* We seek a saviour, someone to rescue us from the problems of the world. A saviour is the simple story, the easy option and that is why it is so compelling. You don't have to ''do'' anything except believe. There's no need to negotiate with other people, or figure out how to create a robust system within the bizarre and contradictory parameters of human nature. I must admit I fell prey to this when I first met Julian Assange. He was going to lead the way to a bold new age. Instead I learned that power when concentrated is dangerous no matter who holds it or for whatever good intention. The real revolution happens in our own minds, when we stop believing there is someone or some agency who has all the answers, who is infallible and will save us, and instead come to realise we have that ability within ourselves. We may be susceptible to cults of personality, but we can build a check against this into our political systems.
** pp. 237-238.

* The world may be more complex and uncertain than we would like, but giving away our freedom for the false promises of protection is not a sustainable solution. We are defined not just by what we preach, but by what we practice. We cannot claim to be an enlightened democratic society if we live in breach of these values, without the rule of law, without reason, or the rigorous commitment to truth.
** p. 238.

* We now have a technology that unites individuals in such a way that we can create the first global democracy. Hundreds of millions of people are climbing out of poverty and the Internet gives them access to the sort of information that was previously accessible only to elite scholars. They can join a worldwide conversation and come together in infinite permutations to check power anywhere it concentrates. The greatest achievement isn't in producing technology, but using it to re-define the boundaries of what is possible.
** pp. 238-239.

=== TED Global 2012: My Battle to Expose Government Corruption; June 26, 2012 ===
&lt;small&gt;'''[https://www.ted.com/talks/heather_brooke_my_battle_to_expose_government_corruption/transcript?language=en Transcript with video]'''&lt;/small&gt;

* The secret documents that I was interested in were located in this building, the British Parliament, and the data that I wanted to get my hands on were the expense receipts of members of Parliament. I thought this was a basic question to ask in a democracy. (Applause) It wasn't like I was asking for the code to a nuclear bunker, or anything like that, but the amount of resistance I got from this Freedom of Information request, you would have thought I'd asked something like this. 

* I fought for about five years doing this, and it was one of many hundreds of requests that I made, not -- I didn't -- Hey, look, I didn't set out, honestly, to revolutionize the British Parliament. That was not my intention. I was just making these requests as part of research for my first book. But it ended up in this very long, protracted legal battle and there I was after five years fighting against Parliament in front of three of Britain's most eminent High Court judges waiting for their ruling about whether or not Parliament had to release this data. And I've got to tell you, I wasn't that hopeful, because I'd seen the establishment. I thought, it always sticks together. I am out of luck. Well, guess what? I won. Hooray.

* The transparency law they'd passed earlier that applied to everybody else, they tried to keep it so it didn't apply to them. What they hadn't counted on was digitization, because that meant that all those paper receipts had been scanned in electronically, and it was very easy for somebody to just copy that entire database, put it on a disk, and then just saunter outside of Parliament, which they did, and then they shopped that disk to the highest bidder, which was the Daily Telegraph, and then, you all remember, there was weeks and weeks of revelations, everything from porn movies and bath plugs and new kitchens and mortgages that had never been paid off. The end result was six ministers resigned, the first speaker of the house in 300 years was forced to resign, a new government was elected on a mandate of transparency, 120 MPs stepped down at that election, and so far, four MPs and two lords have done jail time for fraud. So, thank you.

* I tell you that story because it wasn't unique to Britain. It was an example of a culture clash that's happening all over the world between bewigged and bestockinged officials who think that they can rule over us without very much prying from the public, and then suddenly confronted with a public who is no longer content with that arrangement, and not only not content with it, now, more often, armed with official data itself.  So we are moving to this democratization of information, and I've been in this field for quite a while. 

* What I've seen from being in this access to information field for so long is that it used to be quite a niche interest, and it's gone mainstream. Everybody, increasingly, around the world, wants to know about what people in power are doing. They want a say in decisions that are made in their name and with their money. It's this democratization of information that I think is an information enlightenment, and it has many of the same principles of the first Enlightenment. It's about searching for the truth, not because somebody says it's true, &quot;because I say so.&quot; No, it's about trying to find the truth based on what you can see and what can be tested. That, in the first Enlightenment, led to questions about the right of kings, the divine right of kings to rule over people, or that women should be subordinate to men, or that the Church was the official word of God. 

* I've mentioned WikiLeaks, because surely what could be more open than publishing all the material? Because that is what Julian Assange did. He wasn't content with the way the newspapers published it to be safe and legal. He threw it all out there. That did end up with vulnerable people in Afghanistan being exposed. It also meant that the Belarussian dictator was given a handy list of all the pro-democracy campaigners in that country who had spoken to the U.S. government. Is that radical openness? I say it's not, because for me, what it means, it doesn't mean abdicating power, responsibility, accountability, it's actually being a partner with power. It's about sharing responsibility, sharing accountability. Also, the fact that he threatened to sue me because I got a leak of his leaks, I thought that showed a remarkable sort of inconsistency in ideology, to be honest, as well.

* The other thing is that power is incredibly seductive, and you must have two real qualities, I think, when you come to the table, when you're dealing with power, talking about power, because of its seductive capacity. You've got to have skepticism and humility. Skepticism, because you must always be challenging. I want to see why do you -- you just say so? That's not good enough. I want to see the evidence behind why that's so. And humility because we are all human. We all make mistakes. And if you don't have skepticism and humility, then it's a really short journey to go from reformer to autocrat, and I think you only have to read &quot;Animal Farm&quot; to get that message about how power corrupts people. 

* So what is the solution? It is, I believe, to embody within the rule of law rights to information. At the moment our rights are incredibly weak. In a lot of countries, we have Official Secrets Acts, including in Britain here. We have an Official Secrets Act with no public interest test. So that means it's a crime, people are punished, quite severely in a lot of cases, for publishing or giving away official information. Now wouldn't it be amazing, and really, this is what I want all of you to think about, if we had an Official Disclosure Act where officials were punished if they were found to have suppressed or hidden information that was in the public interest?

*  Some fairy tales have happy endings. Some don't. I think we've all read the Grimms' fairy tales, which are, indeed, very grim. But the world isn't a fairy tale, and it could be more brutal than we want to acknowledge. Equally, it could be better than we've been led to believe, but either way, we have to start seeing it exactly as it is, with all of its problems, because it's only by seeing it with all of its problems that we'll be able to fix them and live in a world in which we can all be happily ever after.

== Official Substack Newsletters ==

=== First Substack Newsletter - What is Power? (November 2, 2022) ===

* If you ask people, ‘Do you want power?’ most will likely cringe. Especially women. That’s because our cultural view of power is conflated with domination, abuse, oppression. Unless you are a psychopath, you probably aren’t keen to meet this out on your fellow beings. Hence empathetic, caring people will shy away from taking positions of power. But actually this turning away from power is itself an abuse of power.

* The definition of power as domination is just one of many and not even the most popular or powerful form of power. In fact, that version of power is WEAK POWER. Weak because it is fragile, easily defeated, and requires constant effort to maintain usually in the form of propaganda, lies and violence. This is because weak power can’t inspire or persuade. It has no vision. It is not true power.  

* There are other types of power, too. There is the power to create and grow. The power to influence outcomes and make changes. There is, as Brene Brown puts it, power to, power with, and power within. Power is relational and changing. Sometimes you might be in a situation where you hold power and in another where you don’t. Some power is deserved because you earned it and some is not because you came by it only through privilege. Power is not inherently bad or good. Power can be used to support, protect, defend and sustain life. Or it can be used to exploit, oppress, abuse and destroy life.

* When people with good intentions don't own and take power, it becomes the preserve of the heartless, ruthless, greedy, narcissistic, psychopaths. That’s why not using power can be just as bad as using it badly.

* Weak power has no vision for a world where beings are free and flourishing. It cannot conceive of a world based on pleasure, diversity and abundance, though that was life on our planet until very recently. 

* Real power is the ability to imagine something better, something different and act to bring that vision to life. That’s what I want for all people. Not that we crave weak power. But that we ARE power. By our actions and our choices we re-make the world in such a way that Life and Nature are sacred once again.

=== Substack Newsletter - Protesting and what it means for democracy (April 2, 2024) ===

* Protesting is one of our most important democratic rights. It ensures the most fair and efficient running of a country because it allows new ideas to be raised, criticisms to be vented. If you suppress all protest, societal discontent builds like a pressure cooker. Sooner or later, it’s going to blow, and in that chaos, all sorts of bad actors can try and gain power.  That’s the real importance of protest. It means something for both a society and for an individual. It gives us agency when so often we can feel powerless. It is such a worthwhile thing to come together and petition for reform. In too many countries, it’s a privilege, but it should be our human right.

=== Substack Newsletter - Protesting and what it means for democracy (July 22, 2024) ===

* It’s action, not beliefs, that matter most.  Thinking is great. Thinking leads to action, but too often thinking can hijack our higher wisdom. The wisdom of the human heart.  Too often we discount cruel or unjust actions because of beliefs.  If an action is immoral but we want to do it anyway, or someone else wants us to do it, justifications are made. Beliefs are created about the lesser value of others.

* Does bullying feel right in your heart? Threatening people with violence? How about actual killing?  Our hearts know what is right, and what is morally wrong. It’s the mind that plays tricks. It’s the mind that - without training, and given superiority over heart - leads us to do the things that make us feel small, corrupted, fearful and tight in our own skin.   Propaganda exists to help us override our heart wisdom. The lies others tell us and the lies we tell ourselves can be used to justify the worst cruelty and harm.

* Violence is a moral crime not just against others but against one’s own heart. And we can only commit such crimes when we let our minds override the voice of our soul.

=== Substack Newsletter - Fascism: a disease born of male insecurity (November 1, 2024) ===

* With its idolising of stony-faced ‘strong men’, its fantasies of domination and control, fascism is the ideology of the insecure man. A man who feels - at base - unworthy, unwanted and powerless.

* Instead of real power - the power someone has when they know they are worthy, wanted and have what it takes to handle life - the insecure man seeks domination. He doesn’t feel worthy or wanted or that people will want to be with him on his own merits, so he sees manipulation and violence as the only way to be in relationship to others. He doesn’t feel he has what it takes to deal with life, so he seeks control. 

* The oppression of women is key in fascism because insecure men don’t feel they have what it takes to attract and maintain a relationship with a woman. They believe the only way to get a woman is through manipulation or force. Why would a free woman with choices and resources, choose them? In their mind, they wouldn’t, so their solution is to take away freedom, choice and resources from women. This is also the driving insecurity of patriarchy, which is a form of fascism. 

* Followers of fascism also have their own ‘daddy issues’. Are they drawn to an authoritarian father figure, as replacement for their own? The fascist leader granting a simulacrum of love, acceptance and belonging to men who feel cast out from the fatherly fraternity.

=== Substack Newsletter - Alienation in America (November 15, 2024) ===

* What I see now when I visit America is the juxtaposition of wild nature and sterile humanity. People boxing themselves away -  in houses, cars, offices.

* They say everything is bigger in America but when you’re barreling along a 10-lane highway with massive trucks on either side of you and an aggressive SUV shoving your rear, it’s hard not to feel insignificant in a hostile universe. The only sensible solution seems to be to supersize yourself so you don’t get run over. It’s as if insignificance was the design brief for so much of American architecture and infrastructure. It ignores the reality of human size, let alone vulnerability, preferring an egoic delusion that humans are separate and superior to nature. But this feeling of insignificance leads to an insatiable hunger. For a bigger vehicle, a bigger house, more money, more guns - anything to feel more secure, and that security never materializes.

* A brutal work culture adds to the feeling, pushing people toward transience. Jobs have primary importance not just for a necessary salary but to get health insurance. 

* I would feel homesick for Federal Way, Washington where I grew up.  A city both exuberant with nature but also nature’s destruction: virgin forests giving way to freeways, streams filled in to build strip malls, dams destroying ancient salmon spawning grounds.

=== Substack Newsletter - Pick your poison: moral purity or power? (November 22, 2024) ===

* To solve our current dependence on fossil fuels is a complex problem that demands communication and cooperation. Taking binary stands and publicly shaming people, doesn’t seem a good way to solve this problem.

* Two things signal to me when a group is more interested in self-righteousness than making actual policy: Picking on allies and name calling. 

* This moral superiority reveals something important. This group isn’t dealing with reality, which is nuanced and interdependent, but with absolutes. And they aren’t interested in compromise or solutions, but moral purity. Their idea of moral purity. You can share the same overall goal - be that an end to fossil fuels, sexism, racism, capitalism, you name it - but these groups demand fealty to their language and their specific interpretation of the problem. They aren’t interested in any views other than their own. You know what that sounds like? Totalitarianism.

=== Substack Newsletter - Happiness takes work (November 29, 2024) ===

* I used to be suspicious of happiness. It’s not that I yearned to be unhappy, but too often the quest for happiness was, to my mind, tied up with delusional thinking. It involved putting on blinkers, so the darker, sadder, more disturbing aspects of reality were blanked out. I’ve always had a ravenous curiosity for truth. I want to understand life and get to its essence, so putting on blinkers was not for me. 

* As a newspaper reporter, I covered crime, then politics then investigations. None could be described as abundant with happiness. Yet I didn’t feel unhappy reporting on these realities. They were truths that needed to be told. '''Truth needs to be told regardless of how it makes people feel, and more often than not it makes people feel bad before it makes them feel good. It’s crucial to get through that initial pain, because only by doing so, and seeing reality as it is, can we learn and change.'''

* One of the big breakthroughs came when I started gardening. Nature is always the best teacher. It IS the universe. It IS life/death/rebirth. Trees fall, plants die, but all the time they’re also being reborn. I can’t help but notice the universe has provided all the conditions for life not just to survive but to thrive.

=== Substack Newsletter - On being seen (December 17, 2024) ===

* In elementary school, I loved Show and Tell. I loved to hunt around my house for an object I could bring to school with a story. It’s not hard to see why I was drawn to journalism - being a reporter is the grown-up version of Show and Tell. I also loved to show off and perform bike and roller-skating stunts. Yet somewhere along the way I lost the joy of being seen. Instead, starting in my teenage years, the desire came coupled with shame, dread, anxiety, embarrassment, even outright mortification. I don’t think I’m unusual in this, especially among women.

* The need to be seen is fundamental to all humans. In healthy development, a child gets appropriate amounts of attention and recognition, which leads to a secure sense of self worth. If we are also accepted in our fullness then we’ve hit the developmental jackpot and become superbly well-adjusted adults. But many of us didn’t get that level of attention, attunement or acceptance. In my own case, I was left with a hunger and yearning to be known and valued.

* Suddenly other people thought me admirable and important. When they did, I felt good. But also nervous because what if they suddenly changed their mind? I could see other famous people fall from the public’s favour, admiration turning to envy or hatred. People wrote admiring letters to me, but I couldn’t take it in because I thought ‘they don’t really know me’. They only knew the version of me I put on display - that of the tough tenacious reporter, battling for the people’s right to know. They didn’t know my aching emptiness, my deep hunger to be known.  I learned that being seen is not the same as being known. Outsourcing my self-worth to total strangers, I realised, was not a good idea.

* What to do? In therapy there’s a saying that ‘the way through is in’. Instead of avoiding pain, go through it. My investigative mindset liked this and so I decided to investigate myself. I started therapy and also began writing more creatively. It’s how I wrote as a child until shame cloaked my ability to be seen.

* '''Why do women go around feeling so embarrassed of ourselves? Why do we wind up feeling we have to be perfect, or pure, pretty or agreeable just to gain a modicum of acceptance?  I think it’s because that’s actually the fact of being a woman in a patriarchal society.'''

* So shame can help protect us, but it can also become a prison. It precludes change. As long as we remain invisible, as long as we dim our light, or hide behind a persona, we curtail our ability to be truly known by others and form meaningful connections.

=== Substack Newsletter - Water water everywhere and not a (free) drop to drink (April 7, 2025) ===

* Flying from Gatwick Airport recently, I noticed the absolute dearth of water fountains. I found just one in the terminal and it was hiding in a bathroom. If there are more, they’re not easily located. It’s only slightly better at Heathrow unless you happen to be a member of a private lounge (which since British Airways changed their loyalty program I no longer am). The single best way to avoid plastic pollution is for people to use their own water bottles and plenty of people had them. There were many of us hunting around the airport for a place to fill them. Why the lack? We live in a wet country where water is plentiful. When I go to America there are (and have been for decades) fountains everywhere. Yet most British airports have a distinct lack of water fountains.

* On tropical beaches from Ghana to the Caribbean and Indonesia, the most common detritus I’ve seen is the plastic water bottle. We in the West really have no excuse to continue to buy water in plastic bottles when it is a readily available resource. It’s how we know most eco-preservation chat is rhetoric rather than reality. What matters most is money not nature. Pure greed. We all fall prey to this - preferring to pay over the odds to each buy our own bottle of water from a private company rather than agreeing to collectively pay for a water fountain.

=== Substack Newsletter - What is your rocket fuel? (June 20, 2025) ===

* I was being seen, yes, but fame is outsourcing your own worth onto strangers. It doesn’t solve the root problem of feeling unworthy or unloved. Nor does it do anything to heal the pain from such a feeling. Fame, money, power - they promise, or give the illusion of, being the solution to life’s pains, but in reality they are hollow. At best, they offer short-term, superficial relief from pain, but at worst they isolate a person so thoroughly they became incapable of happiness or living a meaningful life.

* Look at anyone who uses money, fame or power to fill their inner voids, and you’ll see someone in a clear addiction cycle. They can’t live without their next fix. The next headline, the next million, the next power grab.

=== Substack Newsletter - What makes a good airport? (July 26, 2025) ===

* First, what makes a bad airport: Too few seats and a dearth of facilities apart from the inevitable duty free that you always find, no matter how dire the airport, snaking for miles, standing between airport security and your departure gates like an obstacle course that reeks of perfume. I hate these modern duty free shops that have come to infest all modern airports. Why is that? Are they all run by the same company and has that company got a monopoly on all the world’s airports? Or our airport managers so lacking in imagination they can’t imagine an airport without this mecca to materialism? If an alien came down to earth what would they make of the human race with our seeming obsession with alcohol, cigarettes, chocolate from the same multinational companies, cosmetics and perfume? The only good thing in them is the one shelf spotlighting local delicacies, but these are always massively overpriced and you can get much better quality and variety in the town itself.

=== Substack Newsletter - 	Why do we think death is unnatural? (September 30, 2025) ===

* Writing - at least for me - requires quiet, stability, stillness. Some might say boredom. How to write about life when you’re too busy living it? Life fills my cup and then I need time and space to distill what’s in the cup into its essence. The challenge is to live a full, adventurous life while also finding time and space to write about it. If there’s no time or space to reflect, then what I write is just hot takes and first impressions. That’s the sort of writing I did as a reporter, but here I want to make broader sense of what I’ve experienced. Boil all those experiences of being alive into some kind of meaning.

* When death is not witnessed in its physical reality, it lives only in our imagination. I think this is one reason we fear death so much more in the West than in cultures where dead bodies are an everyday part of life. When we can see the physical dimension of death, its mystery is lessened. We can see that in death there is also a lot of peace. When death exists only in our imagination or in crime drama re-creations, it is limitless and frightening.

=== Substack Newsletter - 	A tornado during sunshine week? Anything is possible in Trump's DC (May 1, 2026) ===

* No matter the time or place, those in power have a tendency toward keeping people in the dark. Secrecy remains one of the main ways of maintaining power over others. The conference celebrated the 60th anniversary of the U.S. Freedom of Information Act but there was a more international flavour than usual with speakers from England (myself and the UK’s Deputy Information Commissioner), Mexico and Ghana.

* There’s an impression that Trump is the most transparent US President ever. He is, in some regards, letting in the press to places and events where they’ve been excluded, saying so much out loud that is usually unspoken. Whether that kind of transparency is beneficial is questionable. Do we really need every passing grudge and brain fart to be broadcast to the world at large? That isn’t transparency, it’s lack of thought and emotional control. What counts as transparency in accountability terms is the ability to know in detail what public officials do in our name and with our money. On that score, Trump is no better (and in many cases worse) than any other secrecy-loving politician. Reporters have been kicked out of Trump’s press conferences, had their credentials stripped, or harassed simply for asking the sort of tough questions any good political reporter ought to be asking. Around his financial dealings there is almost no transparency and the suspicion grows that he is using a public office for private enrichment of himself, his family and his cronies. Details around actual policy-making and lobbying are hard to come by as well. His administration is trying to change public records laws to alter the national archives and remove information that might show his regime in anything other than a flattering light.

* Americans are nothing if not hopeful. Sometimes that can sway into delusion and naivity, but the people who I heard from at the conference were aware and angry. What they had no time for was cynicism which allows for passivity. They saw the problems and they wanted to fix them. This is something the UK could have a bit more of.

=== Substack Newsletter - 	A tornado during sunshine week? Anything is possible in Trump's DC (May 12, 2026) ===

* Where protests do make powerful changes is in the hearts and minds of the participants themselves. Over and over, researchers find profound effects on those who join protest movements and social movements more broadly. They are often a gateway drug between casual participation and lifelong activism.

* Our thoughts are formed through our social world and the opportunities we have in that world to act. Our actions and experiences are what form and change our beliefs, often without us even noticing.

* Protests change the scope of our political imagination. They show there might be other ways to live. They make what seemed impossible, possible; they give words to what was previously wordless, and they show that you are not alone. Going on a protest is a new action that provides a new experience, a new social network and the chance to learn new skills. Most importantly a ‘good’ protest helps people feel their own agency. That is, feel their own power and that what they do has meaning. All this gives people strength and resilience to do the tough work of facing reality and trying to make it better.

* Not that we need get rid of debate and discourse (after all, why be a writer if you don’t believe argument matters?), but I now see the point of organising even small political actions. Taking such actions together can be joyful, compelling, and change the way people think about the world, far more than an abstract debate. So if you want to change people’s minds, the best advice is to think about how you can change their lives. What new experiences and actions can you bring into their world?

== Attributed ==

=== In the Media ===
* It is scrutiny by the general public that keeps the powerful honest.
** [http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/books/features/the-lives-of-others-heather-brookes-new-book-opens-up-further-fronts-in-the-war-to-set-information-free-1939295.html &quot;The lives of others: Heather Brooke's new book opens up further fronts in the war to set information free&quot;] ''The Independent'' (9 April 2010).

* By making everything secure [governments] have degraded the quality of secrecy.
** Quoted by Richard Waters [http://www.ft.com/intl/cms/s/0/9098a06a-9c1c-11df-a7a4-00144feab49a.html#axzz45lPGQfQg &quot;Online leaks: A digital deluge&quot;] ''Financial Times'' (30 July 2010).

* Journalists are, or ought to be, the public's hired guns sent out to collect information, question it, verify it and distil it to what is important and true. This takes time and skill, and is the only thing a journalist does that marks him or her out as a professional. It's also the reason why anyone would choose well-known newspaper's website over an unknown blog.
** [http://www.pressgazette.co.uk/wire/8235 &quot;Harold Evans, Guido Fawkes, Heather Brookes and Bild on journalism and the public interest&quot;] ''Press Gazette'' (27 September 2011).

* '''The survival of journalism in the digital age rests on its unique selling point: serving this public interest. Fail or forget to do that, and it has no future.'''
** [http://www.pressgazette.co.uk/wire/8235 &quot;Harold Evans, Guido Fawkes, Heather Brookes and Bild on journalism and the public interest&quot;] ''Press Gazette'' (27 September 2011).

* If you believe the promise that an authoritarian state makes that if it has enough knowledge on every citizen it will keep people safe. I think that’s a false promise. It doesn’t actually happen. If that was the case then East Germany would be a really incredible place to live and in fact it wasn’t, it was really horrible, most of these places were really horrible.
** Interview with Dina Rickman [http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2011/08/17/heather-brooke-data-deali_n_928985.html &quot;Heather Brooke: Data Dealing Is A Bigger Scandal Than Phone Hacking&quot;], ''The Huffington Post'' (17 August 2011).

* I’m talking of the revolutionary quality of digitization. And I say it’s revolutionary because once information is no longer a bunch of box files or papers in a filing cabinet but just bits that fly through the air, it means that it’s so hard for people in power to control it. And it’s always been true that knowledge is power. And so once it becomes very difficult for people in power to keep hold of information it means that it becomes very hard for them to keep hold of power, because power just flows out. The default now is zero cost for information to spread instantly around the globe. And in fact you have to pay money to stop it now. That’s incredibly disruptive and revolutionary.
** Interview with Fabio Chiusi [http://www.journalismfestival.com/news/heather-brooke-antitrust-legislation-needed-to-keep-the-internet-free/ International Journalism Festival] (12 April 2012).

* The first thing is that you’re always at a disadvantage, because a bureaucracy is funded by the public to have permanent people there who can relentlessly advocate for their own interest. And that’s the problem: when bureaucracy stops working for the public interest.
** Interview with Fabio Chiusi [http://www.journalismfestival.com/news/heather-brooke-antitrust-legislation-needed-to-keep-the-internet-free/ International Journalism Festival] (12 April 2012).

* What’s really important is to have systemic changes. By that I mean, for example, putting into law that people have a right to access official information. Once freedom of information becomes part of the bureaucracy, the bureaucrats who are freedom of information officials have a vested interest in making sure that that law is there and that it actually works, because it kind of justifies their existence. One thing is to institutionalize rights to know.
** Interview with Fabio Chiusi [http://www.journalismfestival.com/news/heather-brooke-antitrust-legislation-needed-to-keep-the-internet-free/ International Journalism Festival] (12 April 2012).

* There doesn’t seem to be any law that’s there to protect the citizens from massive State surveillance. We have to collectively come up with some fundamental values around people’s right to privacy, the right to be left alone from government, and rights to free speech.
** Interview with Fabio Chiusi [http://www.journalismfestival.com/news/heather-brooke-antitrust-legislation-needed-to-keep-the-internet-free/ International Journalism Festival] (12 April 2012).

* We’ve come up with ways to judge the quality of a product. The thing is that we’re just getting used to the idea that information is a product, and we have to come up with criteria on which to judge which information is worth paying attention to and taking seriously and which isn’t. So we have to think: is this information new? Is it relevant? Is it trustworthy? Can I verify it? Who’s the source? If you’re a journalist you’re used to doing this as your job, but that’s going to become increasingly necessary for people online, because they just get hit with so much information, and if they don’t want to just sit there, manipulated by all different kinds of propaganda, they have to start getting tooled up on how to be a savvy information consumer.
** Interview with Fabio Chiusi [http://www.journalismfestival.com/news/heather-brooke-antitrust-legislation-needed-to-keep-the-internet-free/ International Journalism Festival] (12 April 2012).

* The problem with WikiLeaks is that it’s been taken over by Julian Assange, and that is directly opposed to what the whole movement is meant to be about: decentralized power, collaboration, equality and transparency. Under Julian Assange, WikiLeaks has become exactly the opposite of all of these things: it’s become totally centralized, it’s become a hierarchy, it’s not transparent. And it’s not collaborative, but incredibly divisive in the transparency community, because anybody who dares to challenge or criticize Julian comes under severe fire from him. A person who’s meant to be a leader of a movement, which is what he claims to be, you’re meant to be about building and accruing allies, rather than going into the movement and being divisive. But that’s exactly what he’s been.
** Interview with Fabio Chiusi [http://www.journalismfestival.com/news/heather-brooke-antitrust-legislation-needed-to-keep-the-internet-free/ International Journalism Festival] (12 April 2012).

* The movement of radical transparency and accountability is not about putting a new person in charge, it’s about getting rid of the whole idea of hierarchal politics. It’s about decentralizing power.
** Interview with Fabio Chiusi [http://www.journalismfestival.com/news/heather-brooke-antitrust-legislation-needed-to-keep-the-internet-free/ International Journalism Festival] (12 April 2012).

* A lack of government oversight hasn't hindered the internet. Quite the opposite. A hands-off approach is largely responsible for its fantastic growth and success. The tremendous innovation and economic boon produced by the free internet should be proof enough that the dead hand of government isn't needed.
** [http://www.guardian.co.uk/technology/2012/apr/20/we-should-all-be-hactivists &quot;We should all be hacktivists now&quot;] ''The Guardian'' (20 April 2012).

* This is the information war we are now engaged in. Governments are seeking to militarise cyberspace while citizens fight for the right to communicate and assemble freely online without state surveillance.
** [http://www.guardian.co.uk/technology/2012/apr/20/we-should-all-be-hactivists &quot;We should all be hacktivists now&quot;] ''The Guardian'' (20 April 2012).

* We need to codify our values and build consensus around what we want from a free society and a free internet. We need to put into law protections for our privacy and our right to speak and assemble.
** [http://www.guardian.co.uk/technology/2012/apr/20/we-should-all-be-hactivists &quot;We should all be hacktivists now&quot;] ''The Guardian'' (20 April 2012).

* To be successful, a campaign to maintain the free internet and freedom of information has to go beyond vandal hackers. Stunts designed not to provoke dialogue or persuade the public of the rightness of the cause but simply to throw up a middle finger to authority are more hindrance than help.
** [http://www.guardian.co.uk/technology/2012/apr/20/we-should-all-be-hactivists &quot;We should all be hacktivists now&quot;], ''The Guardian'' (20 April 2012).

* The public pay for and elect the government and it is only by the people’s will that those in public office hold power. Public servants’ primary responsibility is to serve the people and we have a right to know what they are doing in our name and with our money. Public accountability does not end the day after an election.
** Maurice Neill [http://www.newsletter.co.uk/community/columnists/maurice-neill-upholding-our-right-to-accountability-1-3856967 &quot;Upholding our right to accountability&quot;] Newsletter (UK) (18 May 2012).

* Transparency is seen as the antidote to corruption because secrecy is, if not its cause, then at least a necessary precondition. This is especially so for corruption involving private enrichment from public goods. Transparency is a power-reducing mechanism so it matters whose affairs are made transparent and for what purpose.
* Transparency can help citizens hold the powerful to account; but it can also be used by the powerful to control citizens by making their lives transparent through surveillance. For transparency to be just, it must always be considered in relationship to power.
* Transparency helps ensure that power is not abused or used to make the powerful, or their immediate families, rich. There is also a genuine public interest in ensuring that the people who make laws and levy tax are following those laws and paying their fair share of tax.
* This is the problem with the argument that if you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to fear: it ignores the issue of power. If we are not careful, transparency can be used to increase, rather than reduce, the information asymmetry between ruler and ruled.
* Transparency strengthens democracy only when it gives citizens information they can use. It is not just about politicians telling us what they want us to know. For it to mean anything, it must empower citizens and provide answers to the questions they ask, not merely spoon feed them meagre information rations.
** [http://www.ft.com/intl/cms/s/0/7ba47200-015c-11e6-99cb-83242733f755.html#axzz45lPGQfQg &quot;Transparency thwarts the abuse of power to enrich the powerful&quot;] ''Financial Times'' (13 April 2016).

* I get it. It is always easier to go after the person raising a problem than to deal with the problem itself, especially if that problem is systemic.
** [https://www.thetimes.com/comment/columnists/article/judiciary-should-be-listening-to-women-not-harrying-them-c8blr3hg7?fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAabZaWYQHtNee5ieJQlhSjSYAKbRUFDhe_qZVnePWSVRsL1PeUdp3qaUmXM_aem_4L7Th3zQX2zjkfRqTS7juA &quot;Judiciary should be listening to women, not harrying them&quot;] ''The Times'' (16 December 2024).

* One of the things that struck me most noticeably when moving to the UK from the US in 1997 was the secrecy of the state toward its citizens. Having worked as a crime reporter in America, I discovered that most of the public records and information I used to do my job were actually illegal to access in the UK. I found the secrecy wasn’t unique to law enforcement but rather a default attitude among officials. It didn’t matter if I were asking for details of food hygiene inspections, parliamentary expenses or police reports, the attitude was the same. A kind of disbelief and then a patronising disdain, by which I was meant to understand that it was not my “place” as a mere citizen — or subject as I learnt was the UK term — to ask for a full accounting from agents of the state.
** [https://www.thetimes.com/uk/politics/article/ive-fought-the-uk-secret-state-for-decades-afghan-scandal-is-no-surprise-vdfn3qhn3?fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAacesvyuuMIgDCyI-SSpbSQ57P_f_ksBFEzjjmKJlzDlrHChsPoIE4nQI3BYPA_aem_pxbcOmVdASUlcpe6MOJRXw &quot;I’ve fought the secret state for decades. Afghan scandal is no surprise&quot;] ''The Times'' (20 July 2025).

* I was putting together a book, Your Right to Know, about people’s new rights under the Freedom of Information Act (FOI) 2000 that was coming into force in 2005. I thought it would be a game-changer for British democracy and I wanted to include contact details for the new FOI units in public agencies. I was used to naming public officials. In America it was no big deal; anonymity was only used if there was a valid reason. But you would have thought I’d asked for nuclear codes such was the shock and pushback I received to this simple request. The idea of providing actual names was anathema and I began to wonder who was the master here, and who the servant.
** [https://www.thetimes.com/uk/politics/article/ive-fought-the-uk-secret-state-for-decades-afghan-scandal-is-no-surprise-vdfn3qhn3?fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAacesvyuuMIgDCyI-SSpbSQ57P_f_ksBFEzjjmKJlzDlrHChsPoIE4nQI3BYPA_aem_pxbcOmVdASUlcpe6MOJRXw &quot;I’ve fought the secret state for decades. Afghan scandal is no surprise&quot;] ''The Times'' (20 July 2025).

* Secrecy, in the hands of the powerful, is too easy a tool to abuse. The distance from protection to cover-up is short, and a tool initially intended to help can quickly morph into causing harm. That’s why it should never be a default for anyone in power, but rather an exception.
** [https://www.thetimes.com/uk/politics/article/ive-fought-the-uk-secret-state-for-decades-afghan-scandal-is-no-surprise-vdfn3qhn3?fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAacesvyuuMIgDCyI-SSpbSQ57P_f_ksBFEzjjmKJlzDlrHChsPoIE4nQI3BYPA_aem_pxbcOmVdASUlcpe6MOJRXw &quot;I’ve fought the secret state for decades. Afghan scandal is no surprise&quot;] ''The Times'' (20 July 2025).

=== Chatham House Talk (September 28, 2011) ===
&lt;small&gt;'''[http://www.chathamhouse.org/sites/default/files/public/Meetings/Meeting%20Transcripts/280911brooke.pdf Transcript]'''&lt;/small&gt;

* What I call the ‘information war’, where through the control of information our society is being radically transformed.

* The point about digitization, just to explain what I mean by that, is the way that information is no longer a physical commodity. It doesn't have a mass like it used to. So it used to be that if you wanted to leak a bunch of documents, you physically had to carry away these huge boxes of documents and then you had to physically photocopy them somehow. And they had this physical mass, and it was through that mass that they could be controlled by people in power. When information is digitized, it loses that mass for the most part. It becomes almost ephemeral, it's like an idea; it's like a thought. And it spreads and it can be shared almost instantaneously. So you can take that, and then you combine it with the internet, which is this web in which everybody is talking to each other and sharing information. And you've got the makings of what I think is a digital revolution, which nobody quite knows how to handle it, what to do with it.

* In the same way that in freedom of information around the world, the onus is always… the balance is always on disclosure and the state has to argue why it keeps things secret. But the problem always is in enforcement and who enforces it. And it becomes particularly problematic in the intelligence agencies. Because there you've got this argument of national security and what is happening is that national security is becoming the new word of God, where you can't challenge it. You can't challenge the facts behind why we go to war or why have we put people in prison or why have we occupied a country. And that's where I do kind of think that we need to push the line further.

* '''I want to put paid to this idea that if you've nothing to fear, you've nothing to hide.''' I interviewed a really interesting guy in this book. He ran the data campaign for the Obama election, when Obama was being elected. And what they do is they just harvest huge troves of databases. And they're doing it for the basis of trying to predict who might vote for Obama in the election. And he just took me through this whole data business – data brokerage, data dealing. And he showed me this 10,000... well, it was a 464 page dictionary, a data dictionary, with 10,000 data units in it. So that's for every person, it's 10,000 things that you could find out about that person. Their political association, if they drink Coke or Diet Coke, what sort of magazines do they subscribe to, have they ever had any court cases against them. It's just like a raft of stuff. The problem is, is how these things are used. It's fine if somebody wants to sell you some products, but increasingly states are accessing all this information. And they're building algorithms to try and predict criminals. … It's pretty well-known that the National Security Agency in America is building algorithms and it's taking all of these datasets and basically trying to predict who is going to be a problem for us in future. And to me that just seems an incredibly dangerous road for us to go down, that you’re no longer innocent until proven guilty. We’re starting to imagine or predict who is going to be a problem.

* I think with all technology, people have an idea of how it will be used, but then it has a life of its own and people use it in all kinds of ways. In the same way with Facebook. I doubt when people first created Facebook they imagined it was going to help people in Egypt overthrow a dictator. So it does have a life of its own that we can’t predict.

* I’m very much a free market capitalist, actually. I don’t agree with a kind of totalitarian, one government or sort of universal law. I think what will happen and what is happening now is, in the same way as… In the way that countries make themselves attractive to investors through different pieces of legislation they offer, whether it’s secrecy in the case of the Cayman Islands or Switzerland, I think the fact that some countries now are offering very robust publishing laws, it will be that as information is global, what you might see is that these big internet companies like Google or Facebook, that have their servers, will start to relocate those servers to countries where they have less interference. In a way, you’re creating a kind of free market of freedom of information law.

* The main thing, if there is a power that the media has, it’s mostly because they represent the public in quite a direct relationship. They’re very populist in the sense that they are meant to be the public’s hired goons who go out, find information, collate it all, verify whether or not it’s true, and then signpost to the citizens that this is worth reading. And they make it in such a way that it’s interesting to read. So they are kind of spokespeople for the people. And in an interconnected age, they are definitely quicker to realize the way power has shifted. You find most journalists now are on all these social networks. They’re all about creating… they want a direct relationship with their audience, in a way that politicians have been very loathe to do.

* You find most journalists now are on all these social networks. They’re all about creating… they want a direct relationship with their audience, in a way that politicians have been very loathe to do. They don’t want to come down to the masses. They still want to be in that fortress, in that ivory tower where they can lecture down to people. They haven’t really adapted to this two-way communication.

* What I say in the book is that rather than it being the death of journalism, this whole deluge of information, it to me marks a time when journalism can really come into its own, because as we’re drowning in information, the whole point of a journalist is to signpost what’s important and then to verify whether or not it’s true.

=== ''We Steal Secrets'' 2013 Movie ===
&lt;small&gt;'''[http://wikileaks.org/IMG/html/gibney-transcript.html Transcript by WikiLeaks]'''&lt;/small&gt;

* This is where we get into the information war - that speculative blood became more important than the actual blood. We already can see all that terrible stuff – we know about that. Let's focus on your nightmares, how all these people might die because the government's secrets have been unleashed.

* It was that whole Wizard of Oz moment. We all look at these politicians – oh wow, they're so powerful - and then it was the little dog pulling the curtain away.

* The American government said: 'You can't publish this, it's dangerous, it's going to damage world affairs, diplomacy, etc, and then you publish it anyway and it's for the greater good, telling people what they needed to know.

=== ''The British State is Addicted to Secrecy - We Need to Fight Back'' ===
&lt;small&gt;'''[https://democracyforsale.substack.com/p/why-the-british-government-is-addicted-to-secrecy-freedom-of-information Column in &quot;Democracy for Sale&quot; 29 November 2025 Substack]'''&lt;/small&gt;

* Knowing how public money is spent by public officials seemed the bare minimum for a functioning democracy.

* FOI [Freedom of Information] is the democratic canary in the coal mine. When official information flows freely, it signals that power is shared. When it’s withheld or delayed, it signals the opposite: power concentrated in the few, with the public treated as a nuisance - or a threat.

* A reset is needed. FOI should clearly extend to lobbying and to private companies doing public work or taking public money. The Royal Family’s absolute exemption - slipped in after the Black Spider Memos ruling - should be repealed. Enforcement must be strengthened with the power to fine persistent offenders, as with data protection. And outdated secrecy laws, including aspects of contempt of court, need serious reform.

* Too many officials still see the public as something to control, not citizens to inform. And this matters. When establishment institutions refuse to listen or explain, they create a vacuum that opportunistic populists are eager to fill. People may not like the solutions these actors offer, but they do like being heard.

* When people cannot see how decisions are made - or how money is spent, or whether justice is being done - resentment grows. In good times, it simmers; in hard times, it explodes. Transparency diffuses that pressure. It gives power back to citizens and deprives populists of the darkness in which they thrive.

* Even when transparency reveals uncomfortable truths, it is still the better path. Problems don’t disappear when buried - they deepen.

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commons category}}
* [http://heatherbrooke.org Official website]
* [https://heatherbrooke.substack.com/ Substack newsletters]

{{DEFAULTSORT:Brooke, Heather}}
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    <title>Hell's Kitchen/Season 5</title>
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----
:'''Seasons:'''  [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 1|1]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 2|2]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 3|3]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 4|4]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 5|5]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 6|6]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 7|7]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 8|8]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 9|9]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 10|10]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 11|11]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 12|12]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 13|13]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 14|14]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 15|15]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 16|16]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 17 (All-Stars)|17]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 18 (Rookies vs. Veterans)|18]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 19 (Las Vegas)|19]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 20 (Young Guns)|20]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 21 (Battle of the Ages)|21]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 22 (The American Dream)|22]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 23 (Head Chefs Only)|23]] [[Hell's Kitchen/Season 24 (Battle of the States)|24]] | '''[[Hell's Kitchen|Main]]'''
----
&lt;br&gt;
'''''[[w:Hell's Kitchen (U.S.)|Hell's Kitchen]]''''' is an American cooking reality show based on [[w:Hell's Kitchen (UK)|the British program of the same title]], where Chef [[w:Gordon Ramsay|Gordon Ramsay]] puts aspiring chefs through different challenges and dinner services to decide who is the best.

=== Episode One [5.01] ===
''[Gordon tastes Danny's signature dish]''
:'''Gordon''': And the name of the dish is what?
:'''Danny''': Mahi Gone Bananas, chef.
:'''Gordon''': ''[tastes the dish]'' It looks like ''you've'' gone slightly bananas. It's hideous. Back in line. 
:'''Danny''': (interview) Ramsay's definitely just looking for a rise out of me, which he's going to eventually get.
:'''Gordon''': So the idea came from where?
:'''Danny''': I just pulled it out of my ass, sir.
:'''Gordon''': Put it back in there because it sucks.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
''[Gordon tastes Colleen's signature dish]''
:'''Gordon''': Who's cooked the diapers?
:'''Colleen''': No diapers, sir. That's smoked chicken enchiladas with poblano cream sauce. My name is Colleen.
:'''Gordon''': Corinne.
:'''Colleen''': Colleen.
:'''Gordon''': Corinne.
:'''Colleen''': COL-leen.
:'''Gordon''': What do you do for a living?
:'''Colleen''': I am a culinary instructor. I own a recreational cooking school.
:'''Gordon''': And were you a trained chef before you set up a school?
:'''Colleen''': No, I am not a trained chef.
:'''Gordon''': So you're not a trained chef, yet you teach chefs to cook.
:'''Colleen''': That's correct.
:'''Gordon''': How much do you charge?
:'''Colleen''': 300 per three to four hours.
:'''Gordon''': Right. Look at the size of it.
:'''Colleen''': I feed big Nebraska boys. Would you like me to get you a bite?
:'''Gordon''': No, I'll bite it myself. ''[tries dish, spits it out]''
:'''Colleen''': Okay.
:'''Gordon''': You seriously charge $300 to teach people how to make that crap?
:'''Colleen''': Yes–yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': I feel like I need some plastic wrap on my arse.
:'''Colleen''': (interview) It was extremely difficult to stand there and to keep my mouth shut! (to Gordon) I teach manners, too, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Say that again?
:'''Narrator''': Cooking instructor Colleen not only offered Chef Ramsay a dish he didn't care for, but an etiquette lesson as well.
:'''Gordon''': Okay, please, Miss Manners, ''fuck off back in line.''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
''[Gordon tastes Seth's signature dish]''
:'''Gordon''': Looks like lamb chops on a bed of ratatouille.
:'''Seth''': Uh, that's mine, chef. (interview) To be like Chef Ramsay is my dream. I've read his books, I've visited his restaurant in Manhattan. I think we have very similar styles.
:'''Gordon''': How long have you been cooking?
:'''Seth''': 15 years around.
:'''Gordon''': And what is it?
:'''Seth''': That's cinnamon-crusted rack of lamb with a(n) aubergine ratatouille.
:'''Gordon''': The ratatouille, what's in there?
:'''Seth''': Tomatoes, onion, tomato sauce, tomato paste.
:'''Gordon''': ''[spits out food]'' How come the aubergine's so sweet?
:'''Seth''': There's some honey, uh...
:'''Gordon''': Honey in a ratatouille? Uh, is that normal?
:'''Other chefs''': No, chef.
:'''Gordon''': That's the worst dish I've ever tasted. ''[Seth laughs]'' 15 years to cook that shit, and you're laughing. You can make history on being the fastest exit in Hell's Kitchen. And I'm fucking serious, you know that. Back in line. ''[Seth goes back in line]'' The quicker you understand how serious I am, the quicker you'll cook better.
:'''Seth''': I'll try harder next time, sir. (interview) I thought it looked all right. I think my presentation was good. I know it's a good dish. I got to prove to him that I can cook my ass off.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
''[Lacey and Coi are arguing during prep. Gordon approaches Coi]''
:'''Gordon''': What's the matter?
:'''Coi''': This station is fucked up.
:'''Lacey''': Come on, Coi.
:'''Coi''': (to Lacey) Don't say a fucking thing. (to Gordon) I come over here, there's nothing fucking done, chef. Nothing!
:'''Gordon''':  Okay, okay.
:'''Lacey''': (to Coi) Now why don't you tell him how you threatened me?
:'''Gordon''': (to Coi and Lacey) Oh, oh, wait. Right. I'm just about to open the doors, okay? Don't panic. I'm not asking you to be lovebirds, okay?
:'''Coi''': Absolutely.
:'''Gordon''': Calm down, get a grip, and show me some form of composure, yes?
:'''Coi''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Oh, my God!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Gordon''': On order six covers, table 20: two spaghetti, two scallops, one risotto, one Caesar. Entrées: three Wellington, get them in!
:'''Robert''': ''[shouting over Gordon]'' Ben, you guys, get going!
:'''Ben''': I'm coming! I'm coming!
:'''Gordon''': Hey you. Hey fuckwit, come here you. Come here! I'm calling out an order and you just shout over.
:'''Robert''': Sorry, chef.
:'''Gordon''': You fucking call out the order then. You fuck, FUCKING call out the order!
:'''Robert''': I need one Caesar, two scallops, one risotto and two spaghetti now! (interview) Yeah, give me the reins, man! Let me drive this bitch!
:'''Gordon''': You fucking interrupt me again next time, you're going for an early bath.
:'''Robert''': Yes.
:'''Gordon''': A big one in the hot tub!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
''[Gordon checks on scallops brought up by Danny]''
:'''Gordon''': Danny? Come here, that's you. Overcooked scallops, let's go. It's not exactly rocket science.
:'''Danny''': Well, obviously, chef. ''[angrily slams his pan; Gordon gives him a dirty look]''
:'''Gordon''': (to Danny) Hey you, come here, you. Come here.
:'''Danny''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Okay, can you cook like a team member?
:'''Danny''': I'll wash their station and my station, chef.
:'''Gordon''': How about communicating with them?
:'''Danny''': I did, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Don't fucking dare start getting fucking pissed with me. Is that clear?
:'''Danny''': Chef, yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Good. NOW JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!!
:''[power supply shuts down]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
''[Gordon looks for spaghetti in the Red kitchen]''
:'''Gordon''': Where's the other spaghetti?
:'''Colleen''': Waiting on pasta, chef.
:'''Gordon''': ''[notices Colleen starting a fresh spaghetti in a dirty pan]'' Hey madam, madam, come here, come here, come here, come here. ''[gets Colleen's pan]'' You're starting a fresh one in dirty pan!
:'''Colleen''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Oh!
:'''Colleen''': (interview) The pan had already been used and I didn't have a chance to wipe it. I felt like an idiot.
:'''Gordon''': You teach people how to cook! ''[slams the pan down on her station]''
:'''Colleen''': We have no more pans, chef.
:'''Gordon''': ''[gets some pans from Andrea's station]'' Look! Pan, pan, pan!
:'''Colleen''': Thank you.
:'''Gordon''': You're going to start a fresh spaghetti in a dirty pan! Holy crap!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Narrator''': As Colleen gets schooled in spaghetti, Seth is hoping to score high marks with his first entrée.
:'''Gordon''': Why's it all fucking mangled?
:'''Scott''': Because he didn't have it ready, and then he sliced it and seared all the chops.
:'''Gordon''': Hey, Forrest! Come here you.
:'''Seth''': (interview) Ramsay, he keeps calling me &quot;Forrest&quot; as in [[w:Forrest Gump|Forrest Gump]]. I think it's a great name!
:'''Gordon''': You didn't cook it properly temperature wise, so you decided to buckle it and bastardize it. Now you're really having a laugh, yeah?
:'''Ben''': (interview) Man, this poor lamb chop just got charred. No excuse for that first lamb.
:'''Gordon''': Would you get excited to come here and eat that shit?
:'''Seth''': Absolutely not.
:'''Gordon''': Yeah, fuck off, will you, yeah?
:'''Seth''': (interview) Listen, I screwed up the lamb, but at the end of the service, Gordon and I will be like peas and carrots once again!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Narrator''': It's two and a half hours into dinner service, and while Colleen has finally mastered the spaghetti, she still has a lot to learn about risotto.
:'''Gordon''': Look! ''[returns to workstation and tastes the risotto]'' Hey!
:'''Colleen''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Taste!
:'''Colleen''': Yes, chef.
:''[Gordon spits out the risotto in disgust]''
:'''Gordon''': That's the risotto! That, quite frankly, is the worst risotto I've ever tasted in my entire cooking career. Why is it so sweet? Who put sugar in there?
:'''Colleen''': ''[holds up a pot of sugar]'' I grabbed this. I thought it was salt.
:'''LA''': (interview) Are you fucking kidding me?
:'''Gordon''': That... ''[throws the risotto in the trash]'' is shit! Oh, my God!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Gordon''': Mashed potatoes?
:'''Wil''': ''[brings his garnishes to the pass]'' Fuck!
:'''Gordon''': What are you doing, Wil?
:'''Wil''': Sorry, chef. I don't know, and this is very hot. (to his teammates) We got a cold sizzle?
:'''Gordon''': Dear, oh dear! Wil!
:'''Wil''': Yes, chef?
:'''Gordon''': You're shit!
:'''Wil''': Yes, chef. I am.
:'''Gordon''': You are so shit, it's unbelievable!
''[Robert goes to the garnish station to help Wil]''
:'''Ben''': ''[hands Wil his garnish]'' Wil, here's your artichokes and potatoes. They're seasoned and ready, sir, yeah?
:'''Wil''': Thank you.
:'''Gordon''': Are you on the garnish now, Robert?
:'''Robert''': I just want to help him out [Wil], chef.
:'''Gordon''': Charlie's on the garnish, Robert's on the garnish, yeah? And Wil is on Planet Cuckoo.
:'''Charlie''': (interview) Wil got thrown to the dogs on the garnish station. By the time I got around to help him, it was ugly.
:'''Gordon''': Wil, there's not one cook in the kitchen that hasn't been on the garnish with you tonight!
:'''Wil''': (interview) Being on the receiving end of Chef Ramsay's wrath...(groans) yeah, that sorta sucked. 
:'''Gordon''': Dear, oh dear, oh dear.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Gordon''': Garnish, please! (to Wil and Robert) What in the fuck are you two doing?
:'''Carol''': ''[interview; sees the customers leaving the kitchen]'' Oh no! When the customers got up and started walk out, I'm shocked.
:'''Gordon''': Go, 22!
:'''Waiter''': 22 just left.
:'''Gordon''': 22. 22 just left.
:'''Giovanni''': My table got up and left.
:'''Gordon''': ''[to Robert; tosses the plates to him]'' Hey! Hey, you! Hey, catch! They've just left. (whispering) ''They've just fucking left!
:'''''Giovanni''': The rest of tables got walked out.
:'''Lady''': Alright. Out of Hell's Kitchen.
:'''Gordon''': SWITCH IT OFF! NOT GOOD ENOUGH! ''[goes to the red kitchen]'' Come here, all of you! ''[calls the blue team]'' Come here, all of you, Yeah. Take a look out there. Pathetic, absolute embarrassment, utter crap! Clear down! CLEAR DOWN!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Gordon''': I found it quite strange that Wil didn't even have the will to succeed. He clearly didn't belong in Hell's Kitchen.

=== Episode Two [5.02] ===

:'''Gordon''': The scallops are cooked, aren't they?
:'''Colleen''': Yes.
:'''Gordon''': Why are they still in the pan if they're cooked? They're going to be overcooked, you stupid cow! Oh, my God! Who cooked the scallops last service? Who was that?
:'''Lacey''': I did, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Come here, you! Come here! Show her how to cook a fucking scallop. Hey, by the way, she's not charging $300. Hey, this is free now. Free lesson! Stand back!
:'''Carol''': (interview) Colleen runs a cooking school, but she has no experience on the line and it clearly shows.
:'''Gordon''': (to Lacey) Teach madam [Colleen] here how to cook a fucking scallop!
:'''Lacey''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Shit!! Unbelievable!
:'''Lacey''': (interview) I almost felt honored in a weird way. (to Colleen) It's okay. It's alright.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Gordon''': (to Ji) Is your ankle hurting?
:'''Ji''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Yeah, so's my fuckin' head. It's throbbin'.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Lacey brings Colleen's scallops to the pass]''
:'''Gordon''': Thank you, Lacey.
:'''Lacey''': You're welcome, chef!
:'''Gordon''': Colleen!! Do you see a difference? Pink in the middle, coloured both sides, yes?
:'''Colleen''': Yes, I do, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Hey, did she charge you?
:'''Colleen''': (brief pause) No, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Yeah, thank fuck for that. Let's go. God bless Nebraska.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Narrator''': Seth and Charlie have delivered their lobster spaghetti to the pass.
:''[Gordon checks the spaghetti; finds out that there's no lobster in it]''
:'''Gordon''': There's no fucking lobster in there.
:'''Scott''': Doesn't look like it, no.
:'''Narrator''': But, it's missing one key ingredient.
:'''Gordon''': ''[returns to the workstation and pushes a pan aside]'' Hey, fuck-wit! Come here you! Come here!
:'''Charlie''': What's this?
:'''Gordon''': There's no fucking lobster in it!
:'''Charlie''': Shit!!
:'''Gordon''': How can you give it to me with no lobster in there?!
:'''Charlie''': We're stupid, chef. Apologies.
:'''Gordon''': Wake up, Charlie!!
:'''Charlie''': Yes, chef! Yes, chef!
:'''Gordon''': And you [Seth], docile fucking idiot! What's the dish called?
:'''Seth''': Uhm... Uhm...
:'''Gordon''': Spaghetti of lobster!!
:'''Seth''': (interview) I feel like I just got hit by a train!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Gordon checks on salmon brought up by Colleen]''
:'''Gordon:''' Oh, my God! ''[returns to the workstation]'' Come here you. Hey, Coi, come here! Carol, Lacey, come here! (to Colleen) Away now, two Wellington, yes, one salmon and one John Dory. Where's the John Dory?
:'''Colleen:''' (brief pause) I don't have the John Dory.
:'''Gordon:''' You don't have it. Hey, look, come here. Hey, there you go, look at that. ''[holds up the salmon]'' Look, look, hold on, hey, don't run away. '''IT'S BLACK!''' On top of that, there's an added bonus. It's fucking raw in the middle.
:'''Colleen:''' Yes, chef.
:''[Gordon angrily throws the salmon away and kicks the bin]''
:'''Gordon:''' Fucking useless, fucking shit. You're not a cookery school teacher, are you? You're joking, aren't you?
:'''Colleen:''' No, I'm not joking, chef. I am a--
:'''Gordon:''' Tell me, tell me you're pomping yourself up to make yourself look good. You don't really have a cooking school?
:'''Colleen:''' No, chef, I own a cooking school. I have a business just like you do.
:'''Gordon:''' Your fucking business is not like my business. Hey, madam, let's get that fucking right.
:'''Colleen:''' You're right.
:'''Gordon:''' You're robbing people! You're a thief!! I'm concerned for the poor bastards that you've taken money off of!! ''[sees another piece of salmon burning]'' Hey, madam, lift that lid off, it looks black.
:'''Colleen:''' It IS black!
:'''Gordon''': Oh, '''GOD!!'''
:'''Colleen''': Both of them!
:'''Gordon:''' '''SHIT!''' [Gordon and Coi look physically shocked] '''SHIT!!! IT'S BLACK!!!'''
:'''Colleen:''' Yes, chef!
:'''Gordon:''' '''OH, MY GOD!!'''
:'''Carol:''' These are burning.
:'''Colleen:''' I know.
:'''Gordon:''' Hey, madam, madam! '''GET OUT!!''' Get on the raw bar. Lacey! LACEY! Get on the fish!
:'''Lacey:''' Yes, chef!
:'''Colleen:''' (interview) Chef Ramsay's definitely not going to break me. He can ask me to leave, he can kick me out of the kitchen, he can do all those things, but he's not going to break me.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Gordon checks on salmon brought up by Giovanni]''
:'''Gordon''': Giovanni! ''[returns to the workstation]''
:'''Giovanni''': Yes, chef?
:'''Gordon''': Hey, all of you come here! ''[points to Danny]'' He's cooking his ass off, surrounded by five muppets, yeah? The temperature's perfect, and I get that bit of shit there, look. I got given that! Would you eat that? ''[throws the salmon to Seth]'' Go on, eat it, eat it. (to Seth) Would you eat that?
:'''Seth''': No, chef.
:'''Gordon''': (to Giovanni) Would you eat that?
:'''Giovanni''': No, chef.
:'''Gordon''': ''[comes up to Giovanni]'' Hey, you can be pissed off. You got every fucking right to be pissed off. You know that, yes?
:'''Giovanni''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Fucking '''RAW'''!!
:'''Giovanni''': (interview) I've never had a chef come that close to me in my life. He can yell at me from across the kitchen, he doesn't have to get 2 inches away from my face.
:'''Gordon''': Hey, is that your pink? Prep chef. You can prep a fucking scallop, you can't cook a fucking salmon. Come on, Giovanni!
:'''Giovanni''': Yes, chef.

=== Episode Three [5.03] ===
''[during the meat labelling challenge, with both teams both having five correct labels so far]''
:'''Seth''': (interview) Meat is one of my fortes. I definitely had six, seven out of eight without even looking.
:'''Ben''': Ring the bell, ring the bell. Go for it!
:''[Seth lightly taps the bell]''
:'''Gordon''': I can't hear that!
:'''Ben''': Ring the fucking bell!
:''[Seth hits the bell harder]''
:'''Gordon''': Seven wrong for blue, let's go.
:'''Charlie''': Holy shit! We're working backwards!
:'''J''': (interview) SETH, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!
:'''Narrator''': Seth's poor performance has set the men back. Now Lacey has a golden opportunity to redeem herself with her team.
:'''Carol''': Come on, Lacey!
:'''Lacey''': (interview) It's my chance to show my team that I can step up, and that I deserve to be here.
:'''Colleen''': Come on! We can do this!
:'''LA''': Move it, Lacey!
:'''Andrea''': (interview) Lacey was just moving things around for the feeling that she was doing something, and you know what, that's no different to how she is in the kitchen.
:''[Robert rings the men's bell]''
:'''Gordon''': Six wrong.
:'''Narrator''': Robert has only improved on Seth by one.
:'''Carol''': (to Lacey) Come on, let's go! Come on, come on, come on, come on!
:''[Lacey rings the bell]''
:'''Gordon''': Okay... (sees that Lacey has placed the &quot;bottom round&quot; label near one of the model cow's front legs) BOTTOM ROUND?! WHAT DOES &quot;BOTTOM&quot; MEAN? One, two, three, four, five, six wrong! Dear oh dear!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Gordon''': What is going on? I'm waiting on four Caesar, two shrimp. Why aren't the shrimp on?
:'''Charlie''': I've got them right here. I was throwing them on, Chef-
:'''Gordon''': ''Get them on''!
:'''Charlie''': I am right now, chef. Sorry, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Come on, Charlie!
:'''Charlie''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Unbelievable. A Caesar salad and we're in the shit! ''[spots that Charlie's cooking cloth has caught fire]'' Your cloth's on fire! YOUR CLOTH'S ON FIRE!
:'''J''': (interview) Charlie, wake the fuck up, man.
:'''Gordon''': Get it in the water, Scott, please, before he sets the place on fire.
:'''Charlie''': I'm doing my best, chef.
:'''Scott''': (throws the cloth in the sink) If that's your best, you might want to rethink your best a little bit.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Narrator''': It's 30 minutes into dinner service, and Ben is trying to impress Chef Ramsay with his speed. 
:'''Ben''': ''[bringing some chocolate brownie desserts to the pass]'' Coming down with desserts. Coming down with desserts.
:'''Narrator''': Unfortunately, having dessert ready before the appetizers is not exactly what Chef Ramsay had in mind. 
:'''Gordon''':  Dickhead, put them down. ''[calls entire team]'' Hey, all of you, come here. Ben's now bringing me a chocolate fucking brownie. ''[tosses one dessert on the counter]'' WHAT'S GOING ON?! 
:'''Seth''': (interview) I didn't know what was going on, but he brought up dessert four minutes in. I mean, I've done some stupid shit, but that's embarrassing. 
:'''Gordon''': So, let's do it this way, then. There you go. ''[puts the desserts on the pass]'' Ben wants to serve the chocolate brownie before we serve the appetizers. 
:'''Ben''': No, chef. 
:'''Gordon''': What are you ''dreaming'' on?! Are you ''stupid''?! 
:'''Ben''': No, chef.
:'''Gordon''': You've got cheesecake made as well! 
:'''Ben''': Yes, chef. 
:'''Gordon''': We've trashed six desserts before we've sent out fucking appetizers! 
:'''Ben''': My fault, chef. (interview) It was my mistake for not exactly knowing Chef Ramsay's terminologies, but fuck me if the words &quot;pick&quot; and &quot;up&quot; don't mean &quot;give you the desserts!&quot; 
:'''Gordon''': Have you been drinking or sniffing? 
:'''Ben''': No, chef. No, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Look at me: Go upstairs for a lie-down. 
:'''Ben''': No, no, chef! 
:'''Gordon''': Go on, go upstairs for a lie-down. ''[leads Ben out of the kitchen, then walks away]'' Useless. Absolutely useless. ''[a couple of seconds pass, then Ben quickly returns into the kitchen]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Lacey returns a Caesar salad to the pass]''
:'''Lacey''': She just didn't knowthere were anchovies on it.
:'''Gordon''': You got what you asked for.
:'''Lacey''': I know, chef.
:'''Gordon''': So what did you fuck up? I know you find this is, I mean you-you, yeah, you laugh, it's funny.
:'''Lacey''': (interjecting) I don't, chef! I'm not laughing!
:'''Gordon''': You're fucking worse than...
:'''Lacey''': I'm trying not to cry.
:'''Gordon''': ...[[:w:Britney Spears|Britney Spears]], you jumped-up bitch!
:'''Lacey''': (interview) There's a reason I don't wait tables, and ''this is it''!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
''[Carol returns to the pass with filet mignon]''
:'''Gordon''': What's wrong?
:'''Carol''': He (diner) said that he wants it bright up a little bit, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Giovanni?
:'''Giovanni''': Yes, chef?
:'''Gordon''': Robert, come here! Robert, bounce your way down here. Let's go. ''[portions the beef]'' (pounds the counter) Touch it! Touch it!
:'''Giovanni and Robert''': It's cold.
:'''Gordon''': '''FUCKING SHIT!!''' ''[throws the beef away]'' It's still walking, that fucking piece of beef!
:'''Danny''': (interview) It pisses me off. We have an executive chef of a steakhouse running our grill. Wake up, get it together, and put out some decent food.
:'''Gordon''': Giovanni!
:'''Giovanni''': Yes, chef?
:'''Gordon''': Thank fuck I've visited your steakhouse! It's fucking blue!
:'''Giovanni''': Yes, chef!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Narrator''': With just 30 minutes left in the first seating, Jean-Phillippe is looking for Lacey.
:'''Jean-Phillippe''': Table 23.
:'''Lacey''': 23-
:'''Jean-Phillippe''': The table which you forgot.
:'''Lacey''': I have to go up there and tell them to fire it?
:'''Jean-Phillippe''': Well, who's gonna...who else gonna do it?
:'''Lacey''': Jean-Phillippe, I've never waited table before!
:'''Jean-Phillippe''': (gobbles, mimicking Lacey) Can you just go and ask the chef to go? (gobbles)
:'''Lacey''': (to Gordon) I need main courses for 23 fired, please, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Yeah. Hey, madam, were you just taking the order in now? Why is it taking so long?
:'''Jean-Phillippe''': She forgot the table.
:'''Gordon''': (shakes head and angrily swats Lacey away)
:'''Lacey''': Yeah, &quot;fuck off with me&quot;, I know.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after Seth's attempt at butchering the filet mignon, Ramsay has discovered a huge amount of wasted meat he has hidden]''
:'''Gordon''': Hey, all of you, here! Quickly! There's the filet, yes? Look at the '''fucking''' waste. ''[empties the waste onto the counter; the amount of waste is nearly as big as the remaining filet. Seth looks confused, while the other team members look horrified]'' That's what he took off, and there's the filet. '''LOOK AT THE FILET!'''
:'''Giovanni''': (interview) He molested that poor thing! People have gone to jail for worse, but it looked like he went at it with a jackhammer!
:'''Gordon''': We've fucking '''WASTED''' the most expensive part! ''[hurls the offcuts to Seth]'' '''LOOK AT IT!''' What are you going to do, get daddy to buy you a new one? ''[stops for music to play]'' How can you do that?
:'''Seth''': I never butchered a filet before, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Congratulations, you just have.
:'''Seth''': ''[smiles]'' Thanks, yes... 
:'''Gordon''': Hey, hey, hey, smartass - not in the right way, you fucking bozo.
:'''Seth''': Yes, chef. (interview) I don't think I did that bad, butchering that filet, but now I know for next time.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[two minutes remain of the Blue team's half of the service]''
:'''Gordon''': Giovanni!
:'''Giovanni''': Yes, chef?
:'''Gordon''': Where's the New York strip?
:'''Giovanni''': Chef, I'm four minutes away!
:'''Gordon''': Oh, my God. SWITCH IT OFF! We're now over two hours. He (Seth) fucks the filet, (to Charlie) the shrimps go down, (to Ben) this dick sends me dessert before the appetizers! ''[throws his apron]'' Fuck off! (to Jean-Philippe) Jean-Philippe, shut it down, yes? Two hours over. Clear down!
:'''Robert''': (interview; tonight was originally planned to have been his wedding) I've embarrassed myself, my family, my girlfriend. ''[throws his buff off angrily]''
:''[Customers are leaving Hell's Kitchen]''
:'''Ben''': Here we go. Here comes the pain.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Gordon''': Where's the four Caesar salad, two shrimp?
:'''Colleen''': Coming, chef. These were two, one and one.
:'''Gordon''': Where's the fucking four I asked for?
:'''Coi''': Four Caesar salad, two shrimp.
:'''Gordon''': (to Colleen) Hey!
:'''Colleen''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': You're doing this on purpose.
:'''Colleen''': No I'm not, I swear. You said two. One and one.
:'''Gordon''': Look at me! Look at me! Four fucking salads.
:'''Colleen''': (interview) There's always that person in your life that's going to be grumpy, and, you know, not be nice. Then there's the one like Chef Ramsay, who's the arrogant, vicious attack dog.  
:'''Gordon''': (to Colleen) Hey, Madam, you're fucking pathetic!
:'''Colleen''': Yes, chef.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Gordon''': Four salad, three shrimp, one plain! (to Colleen) Oh, no, no!
:'''Colleen''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Hey, oh, no, no! Come here!
:'''Colleen''': Yes, chef!
:'''Gordon''': What's going?
:'''Colleen''': Four Caesar salads, three shrimp, one plain!
:'''Gordon''': One more!
:'''Colleen''': Four Caesar salads, chef, three shrimp, one plain!
:'''Gordon''': One more!
:'''Colleen''': Four Caesar salads, chef, three shrimp, one plain!
:'''Gordon''': And last time!
:'''Colleen''': Four Caesar salad chef, three...
:'''Gordon''': (visibly shocked) Oh, m - OHH, GOD!
:'''Colleen''': ... SHRIMP, ONE PLAIN!
:'''Gordon''': Oh you fucking - hoo, shit! She's not normal... she cannot be normal...
:'''Lacey''': (interview) My God! Colleen, if we lose tonight and I go home, I swear to God, I hope you can't sleep at night because you deserve to go home more than I do.

=== Episode Four [5.04] ===
:'''Colleen''': How could we lose with cheerleaders? V, V-I, V-C-I-T-O-R-Y! (a caption reading &quot;V-C-I-T-O-R-Y???&quot; appears)

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
''[The Blue Team have lost the challenge and Ben believes that Danny was responsible for it even though it fell on Seth]''
:'''Ben''': Imma tell you one thing: I don't like fucking losing. Come on, Danny, I was over there helping with you then I jumped over, I had to help with the eggs. We were all helping each other.
:'''Danny''': ''[interjecting]'' You should've been on eggs the whole time.
:'''Ben''': You were the one drowning on the pancakes, buddy.
:'''J''': That is-that is correct.
:'''Danny''': Look, you gave me a hand walking the pancakes up, and thank you for that.
:'''Ben''': Wait a minute, Danny. ''[J laughs]'' Come on, man. Are you serious right now?
:'''Danny''': What? You-you helped me plate some pancakes, and I appreciate it, thank you, I-I'm not a-
:'''Ben''': It's cool, man. Don't worry about it. I just-
:'''Danny''': I mean, I'm not a hero here, I never said I was.
:'''J''': You said that earlier. You said you were the best cook.
''[Flashbacks to Gordon asking who the Blue Team's best cook is with Danny calling himself the Blue Team's best cook]''
:'''Danny''': I am obviously the best cook on the team.
:'''Ben''': You want to hear something, dude? I will cook circles around you! I will circle you like a fucking moon!
:'''Danny''': Where have you been?
:'''Giovanni''': Hey, hey come on! Danny, come on! Hey, Ben!
:'''Ben''': ''[over Giovanni]'' Are you joking me? You couldn't cook my '''COCK!'''
''[The women walk past as Danny and Ben's argument starts escalating]''
:'''Giovanni''': Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
:'''Ben''': Are you joking me? I AM SO FUCKING-
:'''Danny''': Where have you been?
:'''Giovanni''': ''[stands between Danny and Ben]'' Be quiet! Quiet! Quiet!
:'''Ben''': We'll see you on garnish. Let me see you on garnish.
:'''Danny''': Shut the fuck up.
:'''Ben''': I mean- you know what, I need two minutes, I need two minutes, bro.
:'''Danny''': Take your two minutes, bro, because I haven't seen you in the kitchen yet.
:'''Giovanni''': This is - HEY! 
:'''Danny''': Where have you been?
:'''Ben''': ''[heads down to the patio]'' (interview) Danny's ego is getting the better of him, and he needs to come back down on this planet.
:'''Danny''': YOU'VE GOTTEN A COMPLIMENT YET, BEN?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Gordon''': OK. On order: Four covers, Table 4. Two risotto, one spaghetti, one Caesar salad.
:'''Blue Team''': Yes, Chef! 
:'''Danny''': (to Giovanni) Is it [the water] boiling? 
:'''Gordon''': How long? 
:'''Giovanni''': I'm waiting for the water to boil, Chef. 
:'''Gordon''': You expect me to tell Jean-Philippe we're waiting for your water to boil?
:'''Giovanni''': Oh, I'm sorry. 
:'''Ben''': (interview) Oh, man, Gio. How do you expect to cook pasta in water that's not boiling? 
:'''Gordon''': Hey, look at me. There's no olive oil in there, the water's not seasoned, it's not even ''boiling''! 
:'''Giovanni''': (interview) Oh, that was my fault. I didn't check my equipment. It won't happen again, that's for sure. 
:'''Gordon''': Let's go, Giovanni, let's go! Oh, my God...
:'''Narrator''': While Giovanni's in hot water, over in the Red kitchen, Coi's trying to get ahead.
:''[Gordon notices Coi cooking pasta]''
:'''Gordon''': (to Coi) Why are you cooking spaghetti when I haven't even fired it? DAMN!
:'''Coi''': Fuck!
:'''Gordon''': WHY?!
:'''Coi''': I'm sorry, chef.
:'''Gordon''': I can't believe this! Why can't you just drop it to order?!
:'''Coi''': I will, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Tell me why you can't!
:'''Coi''': I'm just trying to get ahead, chef.
:'''Gordon''': You can't get ahead! You're not that good!
:'''Coi''': (interview) I was trying to get so many steps ahead, so I'm kicking myself in the ass because if I would have listened better, he wouldn't be screaming at me.
:'''Gordon''': Coi? Put some more spaghetti in. Make yourself...
:'''Coi''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Hey, I'm joking, you stupid cow!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Narrator''': It's an hour and 15 minutes into dinner service, and while food its way out of the blue kitchen...
:'''Lady''': Look what's in my salad.
:'''Narrator''': ..not all of it is edible.
:''[Jean-Philippe returns to the pass with a Caesar salad]''
:'''Gordon''': What's going on on there?
:'''Jean-Philippe''': That's from, uhm, table 20 blue.
:''[Gordon checks the salad, then finds a butt of lettuce in it]''
:'''Gordon''': Hey, ALL OF YOU! COME HERE! Who dressed the Caesar salad?
:'''J''': I did, chef. ''[Gordon shows the butt of lettuce to the members]'' (whispering) Jesus Christ!
:''[Gordon returns the butt of lettuce to the plate and violently throws the plate onto the floor]''
:'''Gordon''': Oi, bozo, Are you fucking stupid?
:'''J''': No, chef, I'm not. (interview) J feels like a jackass because of that freaking lettuce. I should have seen it. It's a disgrace. It really is.
:'''Gordon''': Did you see that?
:'''J''': I did not, Chef. If I saw it, I would never put it in there.
:'''Giovanni''': (interview) Pretty hard to believe that that butt of lettuce went out there. It's hard to miss that big lettuce chunk if you're just tossing a small salad.
:'''Gordon''': Un-fucking-believable.
:'''Narrator''': Despite J's serving the butt of the lettuce, the blue team has served most of their appetizers.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gordon checks on lamb brought up by Ben]''
:'''Gordon''': Come here. All of you, come here! Put it down. (to Ben) Put it fucking down. What is that?
:'''Ben''': Lamb chop, sir.
:'''Gordon''': Lamb chop, yeah? Eat it. (gives the lamb to Ben and he eats it) Happy now? Now it's getting thinner and thinner and thinner. There's another one. There's one ripped to fuck there now. Too thin, cowboy. 
:'''Robert''': (interview) I'm like, &quot;Ooh, why are you sending that out?&quot; It looked like a piece of carpaccio on a bone, man.
:'''Gordon''': (to Ben) How can someone so fucking fat slice something so fucking thin?
:'''Ben''': Sorry, chef. It won't happen again, chef.
:'''Gordon''': I wouldn't even serve that to my fucking dog!
:'''Ben''': I'll fix it right now, chef.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Colleen brings her wellingtons to the pass]''
:'''Gordon''': Hey, stay here, you. Three Wellingtons, you brought me four. One medium, one medium-well, one well done. Where's the medium one? 
:'''Colleen''': The medium's here, Chef. 
:'''Gordon''': Where's the medium-well? 
:'''Colleen''': The medium-well's here, Chef. 
:'''Gordon''': Where's the well done one, then? 
:'''Colleen''': Right here, Chef. 
:'''Gordon''': So what the fuck is that one?
:'''Colleen''': I don't know, chef. I'll take it back.
:'''Gordon''': You don't know. That's funny, isn't it? A little &quot;Ha-ha,&quot; &quot;Tee-hee,&quot; and &quot;God Bless Nebraska?&quot; 
:'''Colleen''': ''[over Gordon]'' No, it's not funny.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Gordon:''' On order, four covers, table three. One scallops, one risotto, one spaghetti, one Caesar.
:'''Seth:''' (to Giovanni) Bacon, bacon, bacon, bacon, bacon!
:'''Gordon''': Entrées: one Dory, one chicken, one lamb, one wellington.
:'''Seth:''' Right here.
:'''Gordon:''' Seth! SETH!
:'''Seth''': Yes, chef!
:'''Gordon''': Come here! What did I just call out?
:'''Seth:''' ''[wiping his face with a cloth]'' I don't know, chef.
:'''Gordon:''' No, I know you don't know because you weren't even fucking prepared to listen. No wonder you're struggling.
:''[Seth uses the same cloth he just wiped his face with to clean a pan, then wipes his face with it again]''
:'''Gordon:''' What is he doing? Hey you, hey you, come here. ''[takes the cloth from Seth, and looks at him in disgust]''
:'''Seth:''' Sorry, chef.
:'''Gordon:''' I just watched you wipe your face and then wipe a pan. If this one's for your fucking nose, where's your cooking cloth?
:'''Seth:''' Uh, I'll get one, chef.
:'''Gordon:''' ''[throws the cloth back to Seth]'' Fuck off, will you?
:&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Gordon''': Where's the Wellington, please?
:'''Ben''': Two minutes on this ticket and the next, chef. So sorry, chef.
:'''Gordon''': (disappointed) Oh...
:'''Guest''': It's a little on the rare side.
:'''Jean-Philippe''': Scallops are undercooked, gonna have a refire, please.
''[after Jean-Philippe returned to the pass with more food, Gordon has had it]''
:'''Gordon''': (disappointed) What is going on? Oh no. Oh. ''[cuts to Coi accidentally dropping her spaghetti on her station]'' Fuck off - oh, no. Shit! Look at that! You, guy. (Robert) Come here, you fat fuck. Come here. All of you, come here. COME HERE! Hey, hey, look at me. You are pathetic. '''NO ONE''' won! FUCK OFF, both teams, start thinking about two of you to fucking go home. (to Coi) You, PATHETIC! I don't want anymore. (to Ben) I don't-I don't want to wait for your shit anymore, (to Danny) I don't want your shit anymore, (to Seth) I don't want you drying your face, and then fucking cooking with the cloth, '''YOU SCUMMY FUCKER! GET OUT!''' ''[all chefs exited the kitchen except Ben; he approaches him]'' '''GET OUT!'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
''[during nomination]''
:'''Gordon''': Something's really bugging me, you know that. And I can't stop thinking about it, and here's why. If a customer goes out for dinner and their steak is slightly overcooked or undercooked, it gets redone. And they move on and enjoy the evening. But if a customer goes out for dinner and they get served a butt of lettuce, that's how reputations get destroyed in minutes, ''[to J]'' butthead.

=== Episode Five [5.05] ===

''[Gordon asks for wellingtons in the Red kitchen]''
:'''Gordon''': Where's the wellington, please?
:'''Andrea''': Chef, I'm re-firing the wellington. The bottom's burning.
:'''Gordon''': ''[begins searching]'' Where's the medium-well wellington?
:'''Andrea''': I'm putting projector paper.
:'''Gordon''': ''[finds that Andrea has hid her burnt meat underneath her station]'' Oh, shut up you, yeah? Shut up. What is this? ''[starts getting the meat]''
:'''Andrea''': They burned. I'm not quite sure why.
:'''Gordon''': Watch. Look, look, look, look. (to the members) Hey, come here! Oy, oy, oy! There you go. There you go. There--Oh, dear! ''[throws a burnt wellington against the refrigerator]'' Fucking pile of shit!
:'''Andrea''': (interview) I'm screwed. I'm fucking screwed.
:'''Gordon''': Anything else?! Any - what else have you hid?!
:'''Andrea''': No, chef. That's it, chef.
:'''Gordon''': That's it, is it?! WHY'D YOU DO IT?!
:'''Andrea''': Trying to get it together, chef.
:'''Gordon''': I don't-- I just--''[throws his cloth]'' I-I don't understand it!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
''[Jean-Philippe returns to the pass with dessert]''
:'''Jean-Philippe''': Red, [Table] 53. Tanya Steel.
:'''Gordon''': Not done? (returns to the workstation) There you go. Yeah, I've had enough. I've had enough. ''[slams the plate on the stove]'' Come here! There you go. (to Carol; gives her a piece of pear) Take a bite and pass it along. (to LA) LA, wake up, yeah?
:'''Coi''': It's hard as a fucking rock.
:'''Gordon''': Raw pastry, raw pear. That's her! ''[kicks a bin]''
:'''Andrea''': (interview) Chef Ramsay wasn't kidding when he said it was raw. It was raw. That's just, &quot;Sorry. Poor judgement.&quot;
:'''Gordon''': (to Colleen) You didn't know that's raw pastry with a raw pear?
:'''Colleen''': No, chef.
:'''Andrea''': (interview) Everybody else was just looking around like, &quot;You've got to be kidding me.&quot;
:'''Gordon''': Un-fucking-believable! ''[goes to the blue kitchen and sits in fetal position]''
:'''Narrator:''' Tonight, dinner service has totally collapsed.
:'''Gordon:''' Oh, Christ almighty! Two and a half hours of bullshit.
:'''Narrator''': And Chef Ramsay is at the end of his rope.
:'''Gordon''': (to Jean-Philippe; after returning to the pass with raw desserts) Oh fuck off. I'm... I've had enough. ''[goes to the red kitchen]'' Hey, when I say, I've had enough, I've had enough. Stoves off. ''[calls both teams]'' Come here. That was pathetic. (to Andrea) And you were absolutely useless. CLEAR DOWN! I can't take it anymore. It's been the worst performance so far. '''SWITCH IT FUCKING OFF!''' ''[throws his spoon away]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Gordon:''' There was no place in the kitchen I could put Colleen where she wasn't a disaster. It's time for her to go back to where she belongs, teaching. Because she certainly can't cook.

=== Episode Six [5.06] ===

:'''Narrator''': As the Blue Team heads to the spa for a day of pampering... 
:'''J''': ''Off to the spa we go...'' 
:'''Narrator''': ...Back in the dining room, Max's mom lets J.P. know he'll be working with someone to plan the party...
:'''Brenda''': This gentleman's very recommended. 
:'''Jean-Philippe''': Yes. 
:'''Brenda''': So, um... 
:'''Francisco''': ''Bonjour'', darling! 
:'''Brenda''': Oh, here he is now. 
:'''Narrator''': ...Someone he knows all too well. 
:'''Francisco''': JP, hello! It's so good to see you! ''[hugs J.P.]'' I'm so thrilled to be back! Are you thrilled to see me? 
:'''Brenda''': Alright, well, we'll see you tomorrow night, OK? Great party.
:'''Francisco''': Thank you so much!
:'''Jean-Philippe''': Thank you. (to Francisco) You, listen.
:'''Francisco''': (whispers) Yeah?
:'''Jean-Philippe''': You are not interfering with my job. 
:'''Francisco''': I respect your boundaries. 
:'''Jean-Philippe''': Yes?
:'''Francisco''': I do.
:'''Jean-Philippe''': Leave my thing for me, and then you do your little thing. 
:'''Francisco''': &quot;My little thing.&quot; Oh, it will be so happy.
:'''Jean-Philippe''': Good. 
:'''Francisco''': Oh, here they [the Red Team] come. 
:'''Jean-Philippe''': Ladies, ladies, ladies, we've done a few parties in the past with Francisco. 
:'''Francisco''': I'm so excited to be here! This is so ''fabulous''! ''[the ladies laugh]'' Wait until you see what we're making. We are going to go up, up, and away with beautiful balloons, all around. It's going to be so festive! 
:'''Coi''': (interview) Oh, Francisco's just fabulous, all the way around.
:'''Francisco''': We have twinkly centerpieces on all of the tables... 
:'''Andrea''': (laughing) Twinkly! 
:'''Coi''': (interview) It's the way he talks, it's the way he dresses, everything. He's fabulous. 
:'''Francisco''': We are going to make this the most beautiful ''sports arena''! 
:'''LA''': (interview) I'm gay, that dude is '''parade''' gay.
:'''Francisco''': Whoo!
:'''LA''': (interview, laughs) Wow.
:'''Francisco''': Let's get to it!
:'''Andrea''': Yay!

=== Episode Seven [5.07] ===
:''[During Blue Team's punishment, Lacey erupts her furious anger to quit]''
:'''J''': Oh, you didn't take this part off?
:'''Lacey''': No.
:'''Robert''': (to Lacey) You're supposed to take the paper off!
:'''Lacey''': Robert! Trust me!!
:'''Robert''': You're not supposed to do that, Lacey.
:'''Lacey''': Then I fucked up, but it's not your fucking problem!
:'''Robert''': '''YOU STOP RIGHT NOW! AND LISTEN TO WHAT WE'RE TRYING TO TELL YOU!''' (interview) I'm so sick of Lacey, I'm about to use a Jedi mind trick and choke the shit out of that bitch mentally. (continuing to tell Lacey) I'm trying to-
:'''Lacey''': I'M SICK OF ROBERT YELLING AT ME!
:'''Robert''': You're not...
:'''Danny''': He's trying to help you, Lacey.
:'''J''': He's trying to help you, Lacey.
:'''Lacey''': I know! But- nevermind.
:'''Robert''': (to himself) That bitch has gotta go, man. 
:'''Lacey''': (interview) I don't care what that fat ass has to say to me. He just need to say it to my face instead of mumbling it under his fucking breath. (to all the team) I'm not fi- if I'm fight with anybody right now, I'm leaving. I swear to God!
''[All of them are shocking at Lacey]''
:'''J''': You're what?
:'''All Team''': You're leaving?
:'''Danny''': That's the last thing we need to know.
:'''J''': Lacey, if you gotta go, then just go.
:'''Lacey''': I don't understand why everyone thinks what people's yelling at me!
:'''J''': No, no, no, no, no, don't look back. I'm serious! This is professional kitchen. If you wanna fucking go, go. I'll fucking do everything! (interview) Just shut the fuck up, and get out of the kitchen and let me do my job!
:'''Lacey''': (to Ben) Ben, what else? Because I can't find fennel at the moment.
:'''Ben''': Keep, Lacey.
:'''Robert''': Oh, God!
:'''Ben''': (counting during interview) 1... 2... 3... 4... (to Lacey) Use your head, baby, come on. Push this back.
:'''Lacey''': I don't know what's in this fucking dish! (threatening to walk out) '''UGH! I HATE YOU, GUYS!'''
:'''Ben''': (continues counting during interview) 7... 8... 9.
:'''Lacey''': I'm sick of taking shit from you, people! It's stopping now! I quit!
:'''All Team''': Oh, my lord.
:'''Lacey''': (interview) I get treated like the donkey as the group. Am I supposed to help these people? Fuck that! I am not gonna compromise my health and happiness for ''(sobbing)'' fucking $250 grand! No fucking way, it's not worth it!
:'''Danny''': Where the hell did Lacey go, man?
:'''J''': I don't know.
:'''Robert''': That bitch needs her ass kicked. (interview) Lacey, sucks. She needs to be the chef of some psycho warp, so she get some free therapy.
:'''Ben''': I can't tell her every time she's gotta wipe her ass, man. (interview) I am literally a fraction from losing it with her. But the blue team needs that extra pair of hands; Lacey's the extra pair of hands. 
''[Ben sits down to motivate Lacey]''
:'''Lacey''': (interview) I don't wanna be the bitch from Hell's Kitchen. ''(flares to sob)'' Because I'm really not a bitch! I'm a nice, cool person!


&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Giovanni''': How long for the risotto and pasta?
:'''Paula''': Plating up the pasta right now.
:'''Andrea''': How's your risotto?
:'''Carol''': I'm going. I'm going.
:'''Gordon''': Where's the risotto?
:'''Carol''': Right here chef.
:'''Gordon''': Carol!
:'''Carol''': Yes, chef!
:'''Gordon''': ''[tastes the risotto then spits it out]'' Taste that rice, taste the rice. It's like mush! Show me the rice.
:'''Carol''': Right here.
:'''Gordon''': Oh, my God! It's overcooked! It's like mush! Who cooked the rice?
:''[flashback to when J cooked the rice for both teams, pouring two boxes into one pan]''
:'''Andrea''': The blue team.
:'''Gordon''': The blue team? What? ''[goes over to the blue kitchen]'' Oh, come here you, all of you! Who cooked this rice?
:'''J''': I did, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Look at it, J! How can you do that, J? ''[hurls the rice in the trash]'' ''J!'' For both teams?
:'''J''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Aw, fucking hell. Oh, come on. You can't do this!
:'''Lacey''': (interview) The risotto was mushy, clumpy and nasty, and it definitely was not a good way to start the evening.
:'''Gordon''': It's mush! Did you cook it all in the same pan?
:'''J''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Oh, fuck me. Oh, come on, fuck off J.
:'''J''': I'll get a pot on, chef. (interview) That pissed off Chef Ramsay, and I really didn't need that, because he's been riding me hard the past couple of days.
:'''Gordon''': (to Jean-Philippe) Jean-Philippe, stop the risotto, yeah? (to J) J! I can't believe you just screwed the service in both kitchens!
:'''Robert''': (interview) J, you're my friend and I like you a lot, but today, you fucking suck, man.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Jean-Philippe returns to the pass with pasta]''
:'''Jean-Philippe''': Pasta undercooked, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Is it?
:'''Jean-Philippe''': Yeah, it's really undercooked, chef.
:'''Gordon''': (to Carol) Hey, you, madam. The pasta's raw! Who's running the appetisers?
:'''Carol''': I am, chef!
:'''Gordon''': Well, then run it, then! Does she [Andrea] wipe your ass?
:'''Carol''': No, chef. (interview) I get fucking yelled at because this stupid bitch can't fucking cook? What the hell is up with that? (to Ramsay) There's must be some mix-in because it's...
:'''Gordon''': What?! Why aren't you tasting?
:'''Carol''': I was tasting it, chef.
:'''Gordon''': So you tasted it, and you knew it's raw, and still sent it!
:'''Carol''': (interview) That stupid bitch doesn't fucking say anything when Chef Ramsay's yelling at me? '''FUCK THIS SHIT!'''
:'''Gordon''': Madam, come here you, mouthy little bitch! You [Andrea] come here!
:'''Andrea''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': (to Jean-Philippe) Hey, give me that table out there! (to Carol and Andrea) And sit on that table and eat that! Both of you, fuck off out there! It's not undercooked, it's raw! RAW, Carol! ''[gets ticket from Jean-Philippe]''
:'''Andrea''': (to Carol) Let's eat it. Let's get this fucking over with.
:'''Gordon''': (to Carol and Andrea) Hey, you're not coming back until it’s clear and you let me know how it tastes!
:'''Andrea''': (interview) I was appalled that I had to stop during service. That pasta was grossly undercooked, and I had to eat that shit! (to Carol) Fucking eat up, girl.
:'''Carol''': It’s- it’s- I’m eating it. It’s fine.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Narrator''': While Carol and Andrea chew on their mistakes, in the blue kitchen, J is hoping to redeem himself.
:'''Gordon''': (with a piece of undercooked salmon) J! 
:'''J''': Yes, chef?
:'''Gordon''': Come on, then! Look, it's still stone-cold. Back in the oven! Fucking hell...
:'''Ben''': J, I know you're busy, buddy, but how long on the salmon, my man?
:'''J''': Five minutes.
:'''Robert''': Give me the tuna! Give me the-
:'''Ben''': He said four minutes out. Can you make it four?
:'''Gordon''': Everything you've touched so far, tonight, has been screwed.
:'''Robert''': (interview) J just lost his shit, man. He was just clamming up, didn't take control. He was burning the seafood, he was sending raw seafood.
:'''Gordon''': That's called burnt salmon, not seared salmon!
:'''Robert''': (interview) It takes a real good chef to recover. (to J) You can really turn this around if you want to.
:'''J''': I know.
:'''Robert''': Wipe your face, wipe your face. ''[J wipes his face with his sleeve]'' With a rag!
:'''Gordon''': J, where's the salmon?
:'''J''': Coming around. Right here, chef.
:'''Gordon''': ''[finds out that the salmon is overdone]'' Hey, bozo, '''SAUCE!''' Come here, you. Put that down, come here, you. Come here, you! Get in there! GET IN!
''[leads J into the pantry and slams the door]''
:'''J''': Fuck.
:'''Gordon''': WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?
:'''J''': I'm here, chef.
:'''Gordon''': It's not good enough, J!
:'''J''': I know, chef. I got no fucking excuse.
:'''Gordon''': What's the matter with you?
:'''J''': I don't know. I'll fucking turn it on right now, chef.
:'''Gordon''': I can't fucking go any further! Please, wake up!
:'''J''': Yes, chef!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Gordon''': I've got sauce on one, and two Dory on. LA?
:''[LA is standing still and staring into space]''
:'''Paula''': (interview) It's almost like LA was half-asleep or something.
:'''Gordon''': Come on, LA!
:'''Gloria''': Come on! LA, wake up! Are you sleeping?
:'''LA''': No, I'm...
:'''Gordon''': She's dreaming. Come on, more ''(voice cracks)'' SAUCE, you silly cow!
:'''LA''': (interview) He called me a cow. For the first time.
:'''Gordon''': Don't cook all the fucking Dory in one pan unless you're boiling them, yes?
:'''LA''': Yes, chef. (interview) In the real world, you wouldn't have someone yelling at you like that. You wouldn't have someone calling you a cow, a bitch. You wouldn't. 'Cause if someone in the real world called you a cow or a bitch, you would walk up to them and sock them in the face.
:'''Gordon''': Come on LA, please!
:'''LA''': 30 seconds chef.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Narrator''': As LA tries to get up to speed, over in the blue kitchen...
:'''Gordon''': J! Where's the other scallop?
:'''J''': Right here, chef.
:''[J brings the scallops to the pass; they're badly overcooked]''
:'''Gordon''': Have you seen this shit?
:'''Sous Chef Scott''': Disastrous, isn't it?
:'''Gordon''': I have had enough. ''[calls the blue team]'' Come here, you! Leave it here, PUT THAT DOWN! You, come here! You come here!
:'''Ben''': Yes, chef.
[the team members gather around the pass]
:'''Gordon''': What is that? What IS that? What is that? That's us at our best, '''WHAT IS IT?''' Wait, it gets better. Look, touch that!
:'''Ben''': It's rubber, chef.
:'''Gordon''': T-Oh, my GOD! Unbelievable-- ''[J goes to touch one of the scallops, and Ramsay knocks his hand away]'' No, no no no, NO! '''NO!''' ''[throws a scallop onto the floor and faces J towards the door]'' '''GET OUT!''' OUT, OUT, OUT! GET OUT! '''OUT, GET OUT!''' Take your jacket off, and '''FUCK OFF!'''
:'''J''':  (interview) I guess I don't belong here, so... I'll be going home. I'm here for a reason, and it's my boy and my wife, so of course I'm disappointed. It was a tough day. (in the dorms) Oh...that's fucked up bro. (interview) My dream when I came to Hell's Kitchen was to win. So, uh, now it's time to move on and get my own restaurants going. You know, I don't need Chef Ramsay's opinion anymore, I've got it. ''[entering the taxicab]'' Tomorrow's another day! Let's do it. (interview) It's time for J Maxwell to do his own thing.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Gordon''': Where are the Wellingtons?
:'''Ben Walanka''': Five and a half minutes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': I'm watching you like a fucking hawk.
:'''Ben Walanka''': I know you are, chef.
:'''Gordon''': You know why? Do you know why?
:'''Ben Walanka''': I don't-I don't know, chef.
:'''Gordon''': I want you out. You're not cutting it. You're dreaming.
:'''Ben Walanka''': (interview) It hurts. It hurts when someone goes at you like that.
:'''Gordon''': Stop! Stop, stop, stop! Put that down. ''[finds that Ben has put fresh Wellingtons in a tray filled with burnt bits of pastry]'' Oh, my god! Look! Look!
:'''Danny''': (interview) Ben was struggling, just getting beat up by chef. Ben's just like J, in dinner service he just falls apart.
:'''Gordon''': Come here, you! Get in there, get in! ''[Gordon leads Ben into the pantry]'' What's your fucking game?
:'''Ben Walanka''': No game, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Tell me something straight. What are you doing?
:'''Ben Walanka''': Chef, I'm doing everything I can...
:'''Gordon''': Why are you putting them on a dirty tray?
:'''Ben Walanka''': Chef, only because I was doing Wellington on them before, and I could not find any more...
:'''Gordon''': And that's good enough for you?
:'''Ben Walanka''': No, it's not, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Is it fucked?
:'''Ben Walanka''': It's not. I don't want to do it in a...
:'''Gordon''': YOU DIRTY PIG!
:'''Ben Walanka''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': CLEAN THE FUCKING TRAY!!
:'''Ben Walanka''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': One more, and you're fucking history. GET IN!
:'''Ben Walanka''': (interview) Today, it took everything I had not to go up in my little coccoon. I just had to push forward.
:'''Gordon''': DIRTY PIG!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Robert''': (to Lacey) I swear to God if you win this I will hang up my coat and become a crack whore!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Gordon''': Ben. ''[Ben walks towards him and he decided not to send him home]'' I really want your jacket. (to both Ben and Lacey) I'll give you one more chance.
:'''Robert''': Thank God.
:'''Gordon''': Ben and Lacey, back in line. (to Lacey) Lacey.
:'''Lacey''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': ''You must...'' start working with your team!
:'''Lacey''': Yes chef.
:'''Gordon''': (to motivate all the blue team) Are all four of you capable of working together?
:'''All Blue Team''': Yes chef!
:'''Gordon''': I can't hear it.
:'''All Blue Team''': YES CHEF!
:'''Gordon''': Then do it! And do me a favor? Get out, the lot of you.

=== Episode Eight [5.08] ===

:''[Lacey's meat pan catches fire; Gordon approaches her station]''
:'''Gordon''': Leave it! Fucking hell, what is that?
:'''Lacey''': Wha-I...
:'''Gordon''': What is that, I said! Look at it! It's on fire!
:'''Danny''': Is this your well-done?
:'''Lacey''': (tearfully) I don't know.
:'''Ben''': (interview) She was lost. ''[in mockery of Lacey]'' &quot;I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON HERE, HUHU!!&quot;
:'''Gordon''': What's the matter with you?
:'''Lacey''': I CAN'T COOK MEAT, CHEF!
:'''Gordon''': What do you mean you can't cook meat?
:'''Lacey''': Obviously I'm way too confused...
:'''Gordon''': Hey madam, madam! Get out! GET OUT!
:'''Robert''': (interview) Can't handle the heat, get out the kit-CHEN!
:'''Gordon''': ''[follows Lacey to the pantry]'' &quot;I can't cook meat?&quot;
:'''Lacey''': I–I'm sorry. I just got really confused.
:'''Gordon''': If you got confused, why didn't you say something?
:'''Lacey''': I did and then Robert put the chicken and the chicken went on fire and...!
:'''Gordon''': Why can't you just make the effort?
:'''Lacey''': I'm trying to make an effort.
:'''Gordon''': Do you want to come back in there and make an effort?
:'''Lacey''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Well, wake up and get a grip! Come on! ''[leads Lacey out of the pantry]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Narrator:''' It's over an hour into dinner service, and while Ben and Lacey struggle to get out entrées...
:'''Ben:''' I need you right now.
:'''Lacey:''' You ''need'' to put me on something easier than fucking wellingtons.
:'''Narrator:''' Robert has managed to handle the appetizers on his own.
:'''Robert:''' C'mon, guys! Let's fucking do it!
:'''Ben:''' Let's go, move! We got this!
:''[Robert bends over and a ripping sound is heard. As Ben and Lacey look on in shock, we see that Robert has split open the seat of his trousers. He carries on, unconcerned.]''
:'''Robert:''' Come on guys, keep pushing! (interview) All I heard was &quot;RRRRRIIIP!&quot;
:'''Sous Chef Scott:''' (to Gordon) Robert's ass is hanging out all over the place.
:'''Robert:''' (interview) &quot;Ooh, I feel a little breeze on the back of my ass!&quot; I'll cook in my boxer shorts, I don't give a shit.
:'''Gordon:''' Damn!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gordon checks on meat brought up by Lacey; finds that the lamb was badly carved]''
:'''Gordon''': Oh, my God!
:'''Lacey''': Hmm... Fuck me!
:'''Gordon''': Come here, all of you! What is that? Fucking bone's thicker than the meat! '''WHAT IS THAT?'''
:'''Lacey''': I DON'T KNOW, CHEF!
:'''Gordon''': ''[throws the lamb in the bin]'' It's not GOOD ENOUGH! '''GET OUT!''' YOU'RE not good enough! PISS OFF! ''[follows Lacey into the pantry]'' Madam, look at me. Let's be honest, you're done. You can't waste my time any longer!
:'''Lacey:''' I agree.
:'''Gordon:''' Give me your jacket, and leave Hell's Kitchen. And go in there, and say goodbye. Properly, say it properly! Let's go.
:'''Lacey:''' ''[to the blue team]'' Thank you for everything!
:''[Danny quickly waves to Lacey and then resumes cooking; Ben and Robert ignore her altogether]''
:'''Robert:''' (interview) There's a small violin, just for Lacey. ''[blows a raspberry]'' She sucks. Adios, biatch.
:'''Gordon:''' Piss off! Let's go! Step up a gear.
:'''Lacey:''' (interview) On one hand, it's a relief. I can get back to my normal life. ''[packing her suitcase]'' Now I can get some sleep at night. (interview) But you know, another part of me wishes to stay and learn more and have that chance to win but unfortunately I fucked up tonight and I can only look back on the positive things which there weren't many for me. You know, my mom told me when I came here, &quot;Don't make enemies.&quot; and that's the first thing I did and kept doing the whole time I was here. Sorry mom, I should've listened.

=== Episode Nine [5.09] ===

''[Gordon checks on sauce brought up by Ben]''
:'''Gordon''': Oh Ben!
:'''Ben''': Chef!?
:'''Gordon''': ''[returns the sauce to the workstation]'' Right, all three of you [Ben, Danny &amp; Robert] come here. Here we go. ''[with spoons]'' Taste time! Quick, quick, dig in there, yes? Dig in. Make sure you take a nice big mouthful. Big mouthful. Mmmmmm. ''[spits out the sauce as does Robert]''
:'''Robert''': (interview) I spit it right out, it was disgusting.
:'''Gordon''': Hey, salty soup! You're just reheating it!
:'''Ben''': Yes.
:'''Gordon''': So, how can you fuck it?!
:'''Ben''': It was bland before I over reduced it, it's my fault, I should've tasted it chef.
:'''Gordon''': You're clumsy! You salted it!
:'''Ben''': Yes chef.
:'''Gordon''': You over seasoned it!
:'''Ben''': Yes I did, chef.
:'''Gordon''': You didn't over reduce it!
:'''Ben''': (interview) I'm a soldier, that's why I say yes chef.
 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Gordon''': One beef salad. Entrées: one bass, one New York steak.
:''[a woman comes up to the hotplate to reorder food]''
:'''Lady''': Yes, chef!
:'''Gordon''': Yes, madam?
:'''Lady''': Totally flat. No flavor on the carpaccio. This the second time I've had to reorder.
:'''Gordon''': Okay, thank you. (to the blue team) Hey, get the veal along please, yes? Let's go.
:'''Lady''': Chef! ''[whistles to Gordon]''
:'''Gordon''': (to the woman) Right! Don't whistle at me, I'm not your fucking dog, yeah? You look more like a dog than I do. Fuck off, will you?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
''[Gordon checks on potatoes brought up by Carol]'' 
:'''Gordon''': Oh dear. Excuse me! Oh, dear! Let's go, come down! Hurry up! Taste them. There, there you go, there's a nice big slice for you. Aw, fuck it!
:'''Carol''': Hard and raw chef.
:'''Gordon''': Fucking hell! ''[throws the potatoes away]'' Why are the potatoes crunchy? Who cooked them then?
:'''Carol''': I did chef. If they go in the oven when the order comes in, they should be fully cooked. (interview) I don't know why they didn't cook. I never cooked potatoes that long before I sliced that thin.
:'''Gordon''': (To Jean-Philippe) Hey, come in here you! Have I got news for you, yeah? Tell him then, tell him! '''HE'S GOING TO GO AND EXPLAIN TO THE CUSTOMER!!'''
:'''Jean-Philippe''': What's happening?
:'''Carol''': The potatoes are undercooked. If they go in when the order comes in, they should be fine.
:'''Jean-Philippe''': What's undercooked?
:'''Gordon''': Say that again?!
:'''Carol''': If she [Andrea] fires it when the order comes in, when it's ready to go -
:'''Gordon''': Au-gratin dauphinois need to be cooked before service!
:'''Carol''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Now you're blaming her.
:'''Carol''': I'm not blaming her chef.
:'''Gordon''': Hey, Andrea, she's trying to sabotage. She can't even tur -
:'''Carol''': I'm not.
:'''Gordon''': What?
:'''Carol''': I'm not sabotaging.
:'''Andrea''': (interview) I was embarrassed for Carol. She's pointing out other people's mistakes. Point me out! I dare you!
:'''Gordon''': Here's the next question, how long then til they cook?
:'''Carol''': Maybe ten minutes.
:'''Gordon''': Oh, look how cool she is! She said &quot;maybe ten minutes&quot;!
:'''Carol''': (interview) They should've been done. Why didn't they cook?
:'''Gordon''': (to the customers) Maybe ten minutes everybody, for your Au-gratin dauphinois!! (to Carol) Look at them, the poor souls! Are you stupid?!
:'''Carol''': No, chef. I'm not.
:'''Gordon''': Bullshit! ''[throws his towel away]''
:'''Andrea''': (interview) Those potatoes! I was embarrassed for Carol.
:'''Gordon''': Why didn't they cook to begin with?
:'''Carol''': Chef, yes, I cooked them in the cream for an hour.
:'''Gordon''': WHAT?!
:'''Carol''': Yes.
:'''Gordon''': You cooked them in the cream for an hour?
:'''Carol''': In boiling cream for an hour.
:'''Gordon''': Crunchy gratin dauphinois. Useless.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
''[Carol pours more cream over her potatoes]''
:'''Gordon''': What is that on there?
:'''Carol''': I just poured more cream on it and I'm going to put it back in.
:'''Gordon''': My God! Oh, Jesus Christ! ''[gets the potatoes and dumps them all in the bin]'' Are you mad...
:'''Carol''': No, chef.
:'''Andrea''': (interview) There were no saving those potatoes. None whatsoever. They just looked like shit. They looked like fucking shit! It was awful.
:'''Gordon''': I wouldn't even serve that to a fucking pig farm, madam. Forget it. ''[throws the tray into the sink]'' You don't care, do you? Because if you did care, you wouldn't serve me that crap! This is supposed to be your exciting menu! Really?
:'''Carol''': (interview) I feel completely awful. This is such a great dish and I fucking ruined it!
:'''Gordon''': I expect you, you and you to come up with an ALTERNATIVE! Sautéed potatoes, green pota- '''COME UP WITH ONE!''' It's ''your'' menu! You all look like this. ''[holds his finger up towards his mouth]'' No. '''COME UP WITH ONE!'''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Gordon''': I have made a decision to send home the person that has sabotaged their team, and a person I felt personally has given up... [Pauses and point at the one of the red team has won the dinner service]'' Carol. Jacket off and you're leaving Hell's Kitchen. (To Robert and Ben) You two, back in line. ''[Carol cries and comes closer to him and Ben sobbingly hugs both Robert and Danny]'' (to Carol) You didn't even make a comeback: after the dauphinois and the potatoes were screwed, you gave up. ''[Carol gives him her chef jacket and walks out to the door] '' Thank you. Goodnight. ''[Ben heavily breathe and Gordon watching her leave]''
:'''Carol''': I came here with the attitude that I'm gonna win this competition. I'm gonna be the famous chef that everybody wants to come and work for. It's very humbling to be standing here a loser.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Gordon''': Carol knew she was out of the depth in Hell's Kitchen. I just put her out of her misery.

=== Episode Ten [5.10] ===

:'''Gordon''': On order, six covers table 20. Entrées: Two wellington, two chicken, one lamb, one Dory. Wellington's medium, yes?
:'''Final 6''': Yes, chef!
:'''Gordon''': (to Andrea) Right Andrea, what's going? ''[gets no answer]'' No answer. I'm not in the best of moods, ah? I don't like being ignored in my own fucking kitchen. What's going?
:'''Andrea''': I have no idea, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Oh, my God almighty.
:'''Robert''': (interview) On garnish, you've got to be thirty seconds before everybody else. If she's not checking the tickets for us, we're screwed.
:'''Gordon''': Come here you!
:'''Andrea:''' Yes chef!
:'''Gordon''': Story of your fucking life, yeah, you have no idea!
:'''Andrea:''' Yes chef!
:'''Gordon:''' Hey, she's running the section, yet she has no idea of what's going. (to Giovanni) Tell her, chef.
:'''Giovanni''': Two wellingtons one medium, one medium-rare and lamb medium? I'm sorry, lamb medium-rare. Two lamb medium-rare.
:'''Gordon''': Oh my God.
:'''Robert and Ben Walanka''': Two chicken.
:'''Paula''': Two chicken and a Dory.
:'''Giovanni''': Two wellington, Two chicken and a lamb.
:'''Gordon''': Two wellington, two chicken, one lamb, one fucking Dory.
:'''Final 6''': Yes, chef!
:'''Gordon''': One wellington's medium, the rest is FUCKING ''NORRRRRR''MAL. 
:'''Final 6''': Yes, chef!
:'''Gordon''': ''Unlike us.'' (to Andrea) What's going, madam?
:'''Andrea''': I have no idea, chef.
:'''Gordon''': You have no idea. 
:'''Andrea''': I have no idea, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Hey, come here you. Hey... fuck off! Hey madam, (points to the front entrance) through the door there! FUCK OFF!
:''[Andrea walks out of the door while the camera crew follows her]''
:'''Andrea''': Get that fucking camera out of my face.
:'''Jean-Philippe''': Andrea, relax. The only thing he wants from you is to come back. You need to fight back. If you don't, you're finished.
:'''Andrea''': (interview) This is the hardest... most difficult, most up-and-down thing that I've ever, ''ever'' done in my entire life! ''[to Jean-Philippe]'' It's just been out of fucking control tonight. There's no communication with anybody, and I just haven't recovered. 
:'''Jean-Philippe''': You want to stay?
:'''Andrea''': Yes, I want to fucking stay! I've been through too much hell right now to fucking leave!
:'''Jean-Philippe''': Absolutely. So keep it to Gordon.
:'''Andrea''': (interview) It's just a reminder of how difficult it's been and how much...how much I just want this so bad.
:'''Jean-Philippe''': So now you need to be strong. Go back in there, and give it your best shot. Go on, then!
:'''Andrea''': (interview) I put everything I have into this every day, and I just had to go in there and fight for the rest of it.
:'''Gordon''': ''[to Andrea]'' Right, what's going?
:'''Andrea''': Two chicken, two lamb, one wellington, one Dory.
:'''Gordon''': Thank you. Back in the kitchen! NOW WAKE UP, ANDREA!
:'''Andrea''': Yes, chef!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Gordon''': Dory, salmon, lamb, wellington!
:'''Robert''': Two minutes, chef!
:'''Gordon''': ''[notices Robert putting the bacon into the John Dory]'' Robert, just come here!
:'''Robert''': Oh, shit!
:'''Gordon''': Why have you put the bacon inside the Dory?
:'''Robert''': To crisp it up, chef, real quickly.
:'''Gordon''': What's the bacon with?
:'''Robert''': For the scallops.
:'''Gordon''': So why have you put it with the Dory? Suppose he's allergic to bacon! You can send somebody to the hospital on the back of that!
:'''Robert''': Oh, you're right.
:'''Gordon''': Oh, come on! ''[kicks a bin]'' &quot;You're right&quot;? Course, I'm fucking right! Get the bacon out!
:'''Robert''': (interview) Yeah, I fucked up and you know what? I know in my heart, I got it. I'm a bull.
:'''Gordon''': Come on, Mr Bacon Man!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Narrator''': While Robert tries again on the John Dory, Chef Ramsay is counting on Giovanni on the meat station to get out the first entrée of the night.
:''[Gordon checks on chicken special at the pass]''
:'''Gordon''': (with a chewed up piece of chicken) What is that?
:'''Scott''': Giovanni's best.
:'''Gordon''': Hey, Ben.
:'''Ben''': Chef?
:'''Gordon''': Is that a chewed up bit of chicken from the dog? ''[gives the chicken to Ben]'' Here, that's your special. Yeah, have a word with him [Giovanni], yeah? He's given up. Take all the garnish back, do whatever you wish with it. Your special has now become not very special, thanks to Dickface (Giovanni) there. Hurry up, Giovanni!
:'''Giovanni''': Yeah, but I'm not dickface, chef. 
''[A dramatic music cue plays.]''
:'''Gordon''': Yeah, say that again?
:'''Giovanni''': I said I'm not dickface, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Yeah, you're pissed, are you? Not as fucking- Look at me, '''LOOK AT ME IN THE ''EYES!!!'' NOT AS PISSED AS ''I AM''!!! YOU ''FUCKING'' ARE!!! ''DONKEY!!!'''''
:'''Giovanni''': No.
:'''Ben''': (interview) Whoo! Boy, oh boy.
:'''Gordon''': Cause RIGHT NOW, I DON'T '''GIVE A FUCK! DICKFACE!'''
:'''Giovanni''': (interview) I'm an emotional person, but he can get in my face all he wants. He will not break me.
:'''Gordon''': You're sending SHIT, and you're trying to get away with it! Now I'm READY for an argument! '''SENDING ME THAT, YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED!!!'''
:'''Robert''': (interview) You know, he just ''wants'' you to pop off.
:'''Gordon''': And you wanna get all sensitive!
:'''Giovanni''': No, chef!
:'''Gordon''': You want to get all fucking negative! 
:'''Giovanni''': No, chef!
:'''Gordon''': Hey, look at me, look at me, you send me shit like that, take your jacket and '''FUCK OFF!!'''
:'''Giovanni''': Yes, chef!
:'''Gordon''': I'm not sending that SHIT, '''&quot;CHEF!&quot;'''
:'''Giovanni''': No, chef. Sorry, chef. (interview) I wasn't angry at him, I was angry at myself. It was just, I was boiling inside and... and he said something to me.
:'''Gordon''': That's the well done one. And look at me, I think you're too fucked to get upset with me, you don't give a fuck what I call you. This is not personal, this is professional! That personal was a piece of shit, now put it '''BACK!!!'''
:'''Giovanni''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': '''DICKFACE!''' ''[to Ben]'' Right, Ben.
:'''Ben''': Chef!
:'''Gordon''': Get on meat with Giovanni, on there together, move!
:'''Ben''': Yes, chef. ''[to Giovanni]'' Don't worry about the Wellington, I got the rest.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Gordon''': Giovanni, Robert! Hey Andrea, come here you! ''[gathers them at the corner]'' All three of you are pathetic! You (Giovanni) don't care...
:'''Giovanni''': I care, chef.
:'''Gordon''': You're (Robert) way behind, and you (Andrea) haven't got a fucking clue! Can we WORK TOGETHER AS A TEAM?!
:'''Giovanni, Robert and Andrea''': Yes, chef!
:'''Gordon''': Two wellington. One well-done! '''Get it UP!!'''
:'''Robert''': Where’s your wellingtons at?
:'''Giovanni''': I have them right here, already cooked.
:'''Robert''': Ahhhhh! Fuck! Why you fucking got a hot pan?
:'''Gordon''': Robert, go see the medic. Oh my God.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Danny''': (interview) One station failed...
:'''Scott''': ''[Andrea's pan catches on fire]'' Pan's on fire, pan's on fire!
:'''Danny''': ...and another station failed. It's no joke.
:'''Gordon''': We're going up in flames. ''[picks up Andrea's pan]''
:'''Paula''': (interview) First night with the Black team, one big cluster fuck.
:'''Gordon''': Same shit, different day! (throws the pan into the sink)
:'''Sous Chef Scott''': ''[Ben's pan also catches fire]'' What about the rest of the table? We need cover-up.
:'''Gordon''': Dynamic six, yeah. My fucking ass. Fuck off, the lot of you. ''[walks out of the kitchen and throws his towel away]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Gordon''': ''[calls the five chefs back in the kitchen after Giovanni's elimination.]'' I just spent the last hour upstairs in my office thinking. It just doesn't make sense! How can the final six be so shit? I called you all down here because on the back of that performance, I'm now going to do something I have never ever done before. I'm shutting down Hell's Kitchen.

=== Episode Eleven [5.11] ===

:'''Narrator''': After a couple of days without any word on how Robert is doing, Chef Ramsay calls the chefs down for a meeting.
:'''Gordon''': So you're feeling fresh, very relaxed. Did you enjoy the whole atmosphere at the Borgata Resort?
:'''Danny''': Very much so.
:'''Ben''': Incredible, Chef.
:'''Gordon''': Sadly, you came back minus one individual. Clearly, you're all deeply concerned. I'm not going to tell you how he's doing, I'm going to let him tell you himself. Chef Robert.
:''[Robert appears and everyone applauds and smile]''
:'''Gordon''': Okay, big boy. Let me just say how pleased I am to see you.
:'''Robert''': Thank you.
:'''Gordon''': How are you feeling?
:'''Robert''': Not good.
:'''Gordon''': Ah?
:'''Robert''': Not good.
:''[Ben stops smiling.]''
:'''Gordon''': What did the medics say?
:'''Robert''': I have [[w:Pericarditis|pericarditis]], which is the swelling of the sac around the heart which leads to heart disease.
:''[Gordon shakes his head in dismay, Andrea and Paula fight back tears.]''
:'''Gordon''': Oh dear. Are you coming back?
:'''Robert''': No.
:'''Gordon''': No?
:''[Danny's face drops]''
:'''Robert''': I'm not coming back.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Ben has been struggling on the garnish station]''
:'''Gordon''': What's going, Ben? (gets no response) Oh, my God almighty! Oh, come on. Three Dory, two salmon, one chicken. (sees what Ben is doing) Why is he putting the lettuce there like that? He's trying to sauté it.
:'''Scott''': I don't know, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Look at the mess of this guy.
:'''Scott''': He throwing everything in a pot.
:'''Ben Walanka''': (interview) I was just absolutely... just mind-boggled.
:'''Gordon''': ''[picks up a pan and a piece of lettuce]'' You've got a pan here like that and you're throwing lettuce on top like that... ''you're shit.'' You are so shit, you don't realise what you're doing!
:'''Danny''': (interview) Oh, man Ben! Like, come on. You know better than that.
:'''Gordon''': Hey, come here a minute. Why are you doing this? You're just adding the lettuce to the tomato and cucumber, you're not sautéing the lettuce?
:'''Ben''': Chef, I was in a side pan s-sautéing the tomatoes and the cucumbers, chef. But I did it wrong, chef.
:'''Gordon''': Yeah, you're fuckin' up, you're cutting corners, and you're slipping big time! Do you know what? Do you know your biggest problem that'll always be the downfall of your career? You're full of fuckin' shit! 'cause every time you get fuckin' something wrong, you give a bullshit fuckin' excuse, but right now, I'm fed up with your bullshit excuses!
:'''Ben''': (interview) There's really nothing that I can do to please Chef Ramsay, and I'm slowly but surely being able to accept that.
:'''Gordon''': '''FUCK OFF!!'''
:'''Ben''': Yes, chef.
:'''Gordon''': You're too dangerous to have on service. I asked you what you're doing, you said you're sautéeing tomatoes, ARE YOU '''FUCK! YOU DIRTY PIG! GET OUT!! GET OUT!!''' Un-fuckin'-believable.
:''[Ben walks into the pantry and angrily bangs his head on the door]''
:'''Ben''': (interview) What the fuck is going on?! I–I'm very upset right now, but I don't give up. I'm a good cook, I know how to cook. You know, I feel like I need to really try and pull it together. ''[goes in the bathroom to wash his face]'' Okay, we're back. (interview) I certainly ain't leaving here without a fight. I'll tell you that.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Ben returns to the kitchen after a quick break]''
:'''Gordon''': Yeah, right. Hey, you! Come here you! What's going through your mind now? You still going to fucking butcher me and slice me and serve shit to them?
:'''Ben Walanka''': No, chef!
:'''Gordon''': Where's your fight, man?!
:'''Ben''': It's here, chef!
:'''Gordon''': Where is it?!
:'''Ben''': I got it, chef!
:'''Gordon''': Then wake up, you doughnut!
:'''Ben''': '''YES, CHEF!'''
[[Category:Hell's Kitchen seasons]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>The Powerpuff Girls Movie</title>
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      <text bytes="97287" sha1="5mnur6ofmzd4z4sivx6qdkas3cetg6n" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Otakuthon 2014- Powerpuff Girls (15016938646).jpg|thumb|And so for the very first time, the day is saved thanks to the Powerpuff Girls!]]
{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:The Powerpuff Girls Movie|The Powerpuff Girls Movie]]''''' is an American animated [[w:Superhero|superhero]] [[w:Comedy|comedy film]] produced by [[w:Cartoon Network Studios|Cartoon Network Studios]], and released to theaters by [[w:Warner Bros. Pictures|Warner Bros.]] on July 3, 2002. It is a prequel to the [[The Powerpuff Girls|TV series]], tells the origin story of how the Powerpuff Girls were created, and how Mojo Jojo became a supervillain.
:''Directed by [[w:Craig McCracken|Craig McCracken]]. Written by [[w:Charlie Bean (filmmaker)|Charlie Bean]], [[w:Lauren Faust|Lauren Faust]], Craig McCracken, [[w:Paul Rudish|Paul Rudish]] and Don Shank.
{{center|'''Sugar, spice and everything nice...these were the ingredients to create the perfect...crime-fighting little girls?'''}}

== Blossom ==
* ''[after Buttercup &quot;accidentally&quot; punched Rocko Socko, freeing the dog]'' Buttercup! You're a genius!
* ''[spotting Ojo's orango-tank about to crush the people]'' Better yet. Watch! ''[explodes the top]''
* Come on, girls, let's put an end to this gorilla warfare!

== Bubbles ==
* That was amaz--! ''[the Doot Da Doot Da Doo Doos spit at them]'' Hey! Eww, gross! Cut it out! ''[shoots her laser vision at them]''
* ''[as the Professor grabs her]'' Eep!

== Buttercup ==
* ''[repeated yelling]''
* ''[stuttering]'' I didn't mean it! It was an accident! He wouldn't let go! And the dog!

== Mojo Jojo ==
* The hobo &quot;fomo&quot;-ly known as Jojo is &quot;nomo&quot;! From this day &quot;fowo&quot;, I shall be known as... '''''MOJO JOJO!!!!!!!!'''''
* For too long, apes and monkeys have been under the thumb of man! Well, the time has come to ''oppose'' that thumb, and take hold of what is rightfully ours: '''''THE WORLD!!!!!!!!'''''
* ''[as his losing control of his rage and yelling at his army of apes and monkeys who turn against him and each other]'' '''''NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!''''' Stop! Cease! Desist! Do not continue with your ramblings, for ''my'' ramblings are the ramblings to obeyed! For I am the king, supreme leader, and all-around dictator! For I am the mastermind, the genius, and all-around visionary! It was I who laid the original plan and set it into motion! DON'T YOU SEE?! All you monkeys are my plan! So ''your'' plans are ''my'' plans, because ''you'' made plans and ''my'' plan was to make ''you!'' I never planned for my plans to make plans to stop my plan! I plan to rule the planet, not to have my plans plan to stop ''me!'' The planner of ''you!'' '''''SO STOP! CEASE! DESIST! I AM YOUR CREATOR! I AM YOUR KING! I AM MOJO JOJO! OBEY MEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!'''''
* ''[covers the Professor's mouth]'' Shut up! I was afraid of this. They've returned and found out just what their powers can ''really'' do. ''[dragging him away]'' Come! You will make a good &quot;Power-proof&quot; vest!
* ''[tilting the Professor's neck to stop the Girls from attacking him]'' That's better. It's good you little freaks know when you're beaten. Now if you'll excuse me, I, Mojo Jojo, have a town to take over. I have a world to conquer! I have to seize control of an area and force its inhabitants to follow ''my'' way of thinking!
* [[Ken Livingstone|Now as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted,]] I, Mojo Jojo, have succeeded in my first, greatest, and most brilliant plan ever! And I, Mojo Jojo, '''SHALL BE ''KING!'''''

==Dialogue==
:''[A shot of the skyline of Townsville at night. Amidst the shadows and lighted windows of the skyscrapers, a light emanates from the center of the shot]''
:'''Narrator''': ''[first lines]'' The city of Townsville…
:''[An [[w:explosion|explosion]] is heard, and a [[w:red|red]] [[w:hue|hue]] emanates down on Townsville streets. An alarm is heard in the distance]''
:'''Narrator''': …is in some serious, serious, ''serious'' trouble!
:''[The camera zooms in on a burning building, followed by a donut shop, and several other buildings. The alarm continues in the background]''
:'''Narrator''': Day after day, ''crime,'' ''lawlessness'' and ''evil'' are running rampant. It's citizens have lost all hope. They are utterly helpless and in desperate need of a true hero. But who? Is there no one who can help this forsaken town and make it a better place?
:''[The camera transitions to a long shot of a [[w:grocery store|grocery store]] aisle, with a light music background, as the Professor slowly walks into the scene, rising high above the camera]''
:'''Narrator''': Fear not, fair viewers, for there is a man, a man of science. A forward-thinking man who looks back, back to a sweeter time, when there was a spice to life, and everything was…
:''[Fuzzy Lumpkins cocks an elephant gun at the distressed cashier woman]''
:'''Narrator''': Nice.
:''[The woman nervously hands Fuzzy the [[w:money|money]] as he smiles evilly. The Professor looks on in sadness and slumps his back as he exits]''
:'''Narrator''': I must profess, sir, this man holds the ingredients to Townsville’s salvation!
:''[The Professor looks back in fear, confronted by the imposing Gangreen Gang]''
:'''Narrator''': This man is known simply as…
:''[Ace lands a punch to the Professor’s face as the view cuts to black]''
:'''Narrator''': the Professor.
:''[The scene cuts to an extreme close-up of Jojo's face, screeching wildly in a psychotic frenzy. He's in a laboratory in the basement of the Professor's suburban home. Jojo leaps from table to table to floor, destroying beakers and other fragile objects in his wake in his crazed rampage. Pan to the Professor, grocery bag in one hand and head in the other, looking very tired and distressed from what happened outside Malph's with the Gangreen Gang as he watches Jojo's destruction with a distant sadness. As each scene pauses, Jojo destroys a [[w:Television|TV]], unreels an old-fashioned magnetic tape computer, removes papers from a file cabinet, destroys a glass tubing set by hanging on it until it collapses from the stress, and punches a wall [[w:clock|clock]] while the Professor adds in the infamous ingredients of [[w:What Are Little Boys Made Of?|Sugar, Spice, and Everything Nice]], and mixes it in angles similar to the cartoon opening. Jojo pushes the Professor in the back, causing his stirring rod to smash into a beaker of thick black liquid suspended over the pot. The words &quot;Chemical X&quot; are seen in black lettering as the liquid drains from the beaker. The Professor stands hunched over the concoction, a look of combined horror and fascination written on his face as it bubbles and churns in an eerily pink glow. Sensing the reaction becoming more agitated, he backs away from the pot, as Jojo looks on in curiosity. The Professor runs for cover, as Jojo's watches the now violently bubbling mixture, fixated, pretty much staring at it up close, oblivious to what is about to happen. A loud explosion is heard as the screen cuts to black again. Each familiar giggle from three little girls is heard. The Professor is thrown back into the wall from the explosion. He lifts his head and opens his eyes to look up at something, then bolts to his feet. He approaches the creations with his eyes wide and jaw dropped, he cocks his head. From the Professor's point of view, [[w:3|three]] adorable, pint-sized [[w:Girl|girls]] with big heads and eyes, and stubby arms and legs face him, smiling. They have different hairstyles, colored dresses which match their irises, matching socks and shoes, and the first girl has a red bow on her hair]''
:'''Blossom''': ''[first words]'' Hi!
:''[The Professor screams]''
:'''Blossom''': What's your name?
:'''Professor''': ''[first words]'' Oh. Um, my name is, um… Uh, Professor. Professor Utonium. Hello.
:''[He bows to the girls with a shrug]''
:'''Girls''': Hello, Professor Utonium, it's very nice to meet you.
:'''Professor''': It's very nice to meet you too. Um, uh, what are ''your'' names?
:'''Blossom''': Well, you made us. So shouldn't we also ''name'' us?
:'''Professor''': Um, OK. Oh, this is so cool. Well, now, let's see. Because of your directness and opening right up to me, I think I'll call you Blossom.
:''[The pink girl, Blossom, looks pleased. As the blue girl giggles, Blossom and the green girl watch her with puzzled looks]''
:'''Professor''': Well, aren't you all cute and bubbly? That's it, you'll be my little Bubbles. So, we have Blossom, Bubbles and…
:''[The green girl, who is about to be named, blinks patiently]''
:'''Professor''': Buttercup. Because it also begins with a B.
:'''Buttercup''': ''[first words]'' Hmph.
:''[Buttercup glares as she crosses her arms]''
:'''Professor''': And together, you're 3 perfect, little g-- G-- '''Gifts!''' Birthday! It's your birthday, I should get gifts!
:''[The Professor runs upstairs]''
:'''Professor''': Wow, I can't believe it! I wanted to create some kids I could teach good and bad, right and wrong, and in turn, maybe they'd do some good for this terrible town, and now I can!
:''[The Utonium house is a three-blocked house with a tall middle piece with no windows]''
:'''Professor''': All I've gotta do is be a good parent!
:''[He drives his car away from the house for a moment, then returns]''
:'''Professor''': Note to self - good parents don't leave their kids home alone.
:''[The Professor runs back downstairs to the lab with wrapped gifts]''
:'''Professor''': Sugar, spice and everything nice? Who would've guessed that's what girls are actually made of? I still can't believe it worked, that I've actually made 3 perfect little girls! 3 perfect, normal little g--
:''[The Professor slips off the stairs and falls as he screams. From a flash of pink light, Blossom catches him]''
:'''Blossom''': Professor, you should be more careful when you're coming down the steps. You could get hurt.
:''[Buttercup and Bubbles each hold 3 wrapped presents with each color]''
:'''Buttercup''': Hey, are these for us?
:''[The Professor nods and the girls each zoom off]''
:'''Buttercup''': Yeah!
:'''Bubbles''': ''[first words]'' Yippee!
:'''Blossom''': Thanks, Professor!
:''[The Professor lifts a hand as if to say something then drops to his knees as he watches the girls rapidly rip the wrapping paper off of the gifts while laughing and giggling. He looks over at the broken beaker of Chemical X, then smiles]''
:'''Buttercup''': ''[holding a pile of various [[w:Toy|toys]]'' Hey, thanks!
:'''Blossom''': ''[holding a [[w:globe|globe]] of the Earth on a stack of books]'' Yes, Professor, thank you!
:'''Bubbles''': ''[holds a plush [[w:purple|purple]] [[w:octopus|octopus]] with a [[w:top hat|top hat]], whose name is Octi]'' This is the best gift ever, Dad.
:''[She kisses his cheek and floats upward. The Professor smiles warmly and looks up at his newly created daughters]''
:'''Professor''': Yes, it is.
:''[The camera slowly pulls back, with the girls flying happily above the Professor. We see a profile of Jojo, his silhouetted brain obviously sticking far out of his skull, a definite side-effect of when he was looking too closely at the mixture that created the girls when it blew. He does not know what to make of this, and slowly skulks away into the darkness. The view fades to black. Snap to the exterior of the house the next day. Inside, the Professor and the girls are in an empty room whose floor is covered with tarps. Each of the four has a paint roller, and cans and a flat paint pan are nearby.]''
:'''Professor''': Okay, girls, now watch me!
:''[He paints a pink streak on the wall; the screen immediately fills with splashes of the same color as the girls catch on. A moment more and they have stopped—the room is completely pink from floor to ceiling, but he is nowhere to be seen. His outline appears against the fresh coat of paint, and he steps away from the wall; his entire back half has been painted pink, while the area shielded by his body has not. He turns his head to look back at them, revealing his face as another area that did not get painted. The girls clap their hands to their mouths in surprise.]''
:'''Professor''': ''[chuckling]'' I think you missed a spot!
:''[He runs the roller over his face; they have a good laugh at this. Now he heads for the door, the bare spot having been painted—as was the rest of his front from the neck down, apparently.]''
:'''Professor''': I'll go wash up, then we'll bring in the furniture.
:''[This, then, is to be the girls’ bedroom. Close-up of the bathroom sink, where he is washing his hands, then pull back to frame him and his reflection in the mirror. He has taken off his lab coat, rolled up his shirt sleeves, and scrubbed all the paint off. In the open doorway behind him, we see the girls flash past and down over the railing at the top of the stairs. The sound causes him to look up in surprise; cut to outside the door as he steps out and dries his face with a towel.]''
:'''Professor''': Girls, wait! You should let me....
:''[He trails off as the camera pulls back. Pieces of furniture are being hurled into view from the ground floor, flying over the railing and neatly through the open bedroom door.]''
:'''Professor''': ''[bewildered]'' ....help?
:''[When the barrage of home furnishings ends, the girls fly in after it. Cut to inside the room, which has now been made up as we know it on the show—including the vanity with heart-shaped mirror and the wide bed with three-color blanket. The Professor walks in to have a look around as the girls float overhead. He has ditched his towel.]''
:'''Professor''': Whoa-ho-ho! This looks pretty good! What do you think?
:'''Bubbles''': Hmm...I think it's a little dark.
:'''Buttercup''': Well, I like it dark.
:'''Blossom''': Some windows might be nice.
:'''Professor''': Yeah. I could see some windows ''[walking into view, indicating a spot]'' right about here. I'll call a contractor tomo- ''[cuts himself off suddenly; back to the girls, whose eyes have begun to glow red, their lasers warm up. Cut to the exterior of the house as their beams, in a row, pierce the wall and trace out one large circle each. The cut sections tumble to the front lawn after the girls stop firing; inside, the Professor cowers near one of the openings, his hair singed and total shock written all over his face. The cut edges still glow red from the heat, and wisps of smoke rise around him]'' Or, heh, that works, too. ''[the red glow stops; he regains his composure]'' Who's hungry?
:''[Cut to the kitchen]''
:'''Blossom''': ''[holding a loaf of bread]'' Ready?
:'''Bubbles and Buttercup''': ''[holding 2 jars of peanut butter and jelly]'' Ready.
:'''Blossom''': Go!
:''[She machine-guns slices of bread at her sisters, who in turn fire back with globs of peanut butter and jelly. When he closes the fridge and turns to face the camera, with an armload of milk and fruit, he throws himself back against the door to try and avoid the barrage. The components collide in midair and fall to the kitchen table to form a tall stack of PB&amp;J sandwiches; the girls, sitting around the table, then strafe this with their eye lasers and the crusts fall off, neatly trimmed. They are a bit taken aback at the approach of the Professor, whose splattered face and clothes show that he was unable to get out of the line of fire. He smiles and sets down a tray with three glasses of milk and the carton. Cut to the exterior of the house as the laughter of all four makes itself heard from inside. It dies away after a moment, and the sky fades into evening while the house lights come on. Inside, he walks into the living room and wipes his hands on a towel. He has cleaned up and again taken off the coat and rolled up his sleeves]''
:'''Professor''': Okay, girls. Time for... ''[once again he stops short; this time, the reason is that all three of them have completely conked out. Blossom, on the floor, has books and notes piled around her; Buttercup is on the couch, with various action toys nearby and the TV remote in her hand; Bubbles, also on the floor, has crayons and paper scattered about, and Octi is nearby as well. Close-up of Blossom, panning to each of the others in the order given; softly]'' ...bed.
:''[Cut to the bathroom, where he washes Blossom's face, then to the bed, where he pulls Buttercup's nightgown down over her arms. The last one seen is Bubbles, already in bed and with her clothes changed. He reaches down and tucks Octi under her arm; she smiles and snuggles with the doll. None of the girls looks anywhere close to being awake in this sequence. With all three in bed, he pulls up the blanket to cover them - this is the first time we can see the headboard, which has its trademark pink heart but no PPG initials as in the series. Cut to the bedroom door; now looking tenderly in from outside, he switches off the lights and pulls it shut behind him as the scene fades to black. Snap to the living room, the camera angled up to frame the second-story balcony. The Professor walks away from the door and down the stairs. As he sets to the job of tidying up the clutter left by the girls, he picks up one of Bubbles' drawings and looks at it. His expression melts into one of gentle affection; after a moment, cut to a close-up of the drawing, a rough, scribbly crayon rendition of all four. Fade to black]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Snap to the exterior of the house the next morning. Inside, the Professor approaches the girls’ bed, their dresses over his arm, and they wake up]''
:'''Professor''': Wake up, girls, Time for school.
:'''Girls''': What's school?
:''[The exterior of Pokey Oaks Kindergarten, with the Professor's car parked on the street in front. He and the girls are near the open classroom door, and Ms. Keane is hunched down to the girls. We can hear the other kids in the class laughing and playing inside]''
:'''Ms. Keane''': This is school. I'm your teacher, Ms. Keane, and this is where kids come to learn. ''[gesturing toward door]'' See?
:''[Inside, the other kids are doing various things: reading, drawing, playing with toys, and so forth. Mitch Mitchellson and Harry Pitt are among them. One boy approaches]''
:'''Boy''': Hey, you wanna play?
:''[The girls think it over for a moment, then look eagerly up at Ms. Keane, who nods happily. Giggling, they follow the boy]''
:'''Professor''': ''[nervously]'' Um...do you think they'll be okay? 'Cause I'm new at this parenting thing, and I wanted to come and meet you and see them off on their first day 'cause they're really special. I mean, really special, and I just want to make sure they'll be okay. So what do you think? Do you think they'll be...okay?
:'''Ms. Keane''': They'll be just fine, Professor. We'll see you at noon.
:'''Professor''': Okay. Bye, girls! Bye! Bye! Bye-bye! Bye! Bye!
:''[Through this last, she rolls her eyes and pushes him gently but firmly out the door. Walking back in, she closes it and turns her attention to the class]''
:'''Ms. Keane''': Okay, class, take your seats.
:'''Girl 1''': Ms. Keane, can Blossom sit with us?
:'''Girl 2''': ''[pulls Bubbles]'' Can we sit with Bubbles?
:'''Mitch Mitchelson''': Can Buttercup sit over here?
:'''Ms. Keane''':  ''[gathers up the girls to the center where they sit at the table]'' The girls can sit right here in the middle, so they'll be next to everyone! 
:'''Class''': Yay!
:'''Ms. Keane''': ''[now at the chalkboard]'' Now, let's begin!
:''[Keane focus on the clock, which fades from 9 am to noon. She hears a knock on the door. It's the Professor, waving sheepishly with a silly grin]''
:'''Keane''': Hello, Professor, right on time! Your girls are right outside with the other children.
:''[The Professor spies the messy classroom, and becomes distraught]''
:'''Professor''': Oh no! Look at this mess! Ohh, I knew the girls would be a handful, but I'm so sorry.
:'''Keane''': What, this? ''[scoffs]'' This is what happens when you put 20 little kids in one room. Your girls were perfect. Perfect, normal, well-behaved little girls.
:'''Professor''': Nothing out of the ordinary?
:'''Keane''': No, like what?
:''[The scene cuts to the girls, with another child, named Kim. Buttercup and Blossom watch on as Bubbles plays hopscotch, throwing a stone to the second square and hopping there. Blossom approves while Buttercup frowns]''
:'''Blossom''': That was sweet!
:'''Buttercup''': What's the point of this game anyway?
:''[Mitch runs up, and bumps Kim]''
:'''Mitch''': [[w:Tag (game)|Tag!]] You're it!
:''[Kim giggles as she runs after him. The kids all run away from the girl in a circular pattern, while the Utonium kids stand still in confusion]''
:'''Blossom''': Whoa! Everyone's running from that girl! It's like she's been infected!
:'''Buttercup''': Maybe she's a freak.
:'''Bubbles''': Yeah, and they hate her!
:''[A nondescript girl appears, and touches Bubbles on the arm. She looks very distressed]''
:'''Girl #3''': Tag, you're it!
:'''Bubbles''': Oh no! I've been infected!
:''[Mitch walks in.]''
:'''Mitch''': All right, what's going on here?
:'''Bubbles''': I've been infected.
:'''Mitch''': ''[smacks head]'' You're not infected, it's just a game!
:'''Bubbles''': It is?
:'''Mitch''': Yeah!
:'''Blossom''': A game; neat!
:'''Buttercup''': Yeah, how do we play?
:'''Mitch''': ''[groans]'' OK, look. It's very simple. Bubbles, tag me.
:''[He outstretches his arm to Bubbles. She looks hesitantly at it.]''
:'''Mitch''': Come on, it's okay.
:''[Very slowly, she reaches forward and pokes him quickly before quickly withdrawing]''
:'''Mitch''': All right, now I'm it. And all you gots to do to play is tag someone else.
:''[He tags Buttercup]''
:'''Mitch''': And they're it!
:''[He walks out and back]''
:'''Mitch''': By the way, you're it!
:''[He runs off. Buttercup shakes her arms]''
:'''Buttercup''': Awesome, I'm it! What do I do, what do I do, what do I do?!
:'''Mitch''': ''[running away]'' Just tag someone else! And ''they're'' it!
:''[Buttercup looks at him a bit uncertainly. Then her eyes shift over to her sisters, as her brows furrow in a mischievously wicked smile. Blossom and Bubbles look at each other uneasily, then back at Buttercup, nervous smiles planted on their faces. Then run off slowly, as Buttercup breaks into a big smile and pursues them. The other two girls giggle as they run. Looking back, Blossom sees her green sister catching up to them]''
:'''Blossom''': Time to put it into overdrive, Bubbles!
:''[The duo speed up in tempo with the music, quickly passing by Ms. Keane, the Professor, and the other school children. Buttercup senses this and likewise increases her speed. The other two girls see where this is going, and again increase their speed, their eyes clenched shut in concentration. As the girls continue to increase their speed, the music reaches a frantic pace, and the scenery becomes a speedy blur. As Buttercup races forward, a green trail begins to emanate behind her, and a streak of fire issues from her feet. Bubbles, blissfully unaware of her sister's proximity, is caught unawares as Buttercup gives her a full-force shove, sending her careening out of control]''
:'''Buttercup''': Tag! You're IT!
:''[Accentuating her last word, Bubbles is sent grinding into the pavement and blasting a huge wall into the side of the school. The schoolyard audience leaps back in shock and fear. Bubbles comes bursting out of the roof in a blue parabolic arc, feet jackknifing downwards as she falls]''
:'''Bubbles''': I'm gonna tag you guys now!
:''[The other girls quickly break through the schoolyard fence, narrowly avoiding capture as Bubbles slams into the pavement, creating a dust cloud and a large crater. As she slowly pops her head out of the hole, Buttercup and Blossom are a good ten yards away, standing straight and looking at their deposed sister]''
:'''Buttercup''': Haha! You missed us!
:''[Bubbles stands there pensively for a moment, then quickly smashes them into a house across the street.]''
:'''Bubbles''': Haha! Tag! You're it!
:''[The scene zooms back to show the desiccated house and the skyline of Townsville. As the girls' voices fade out, the results of their mayhem become apparent, as explosions, crashes, flying trees, cars, and cows evidence their destruction]''
:'''Blossom''': No! No, I'm not! Tag, you're it!
:'''Buttercup''': Tag!
:'''Blossom''': Missed me! No, you're it!
:'''Buttercup''': Missed me!
:'''Blossom''': Tag!
:'''Bubbles''': Tag!
:'''Buttercup''': Gotcha!
:'''Blossom''': Missed me!
:''[Their voices trail off into the distance, as a slow pan shows the school children looking onward in gaping astonishment and shock at what they just witnessed. The scene zooms in on the Professor and Ms. Keane. As the teacher stares blankly at what has just transpired, the Professor grins sheepishly again, and takes this convenient opportunity to leave unnoticed through the quite-ample new doorway. The scene cuts to the Professor rushing off from home in his car. His license plate reads &quot;PRFDADY&quot; (a reference to either the words &quot;Professor, Daddy&quot;, or a sly reference to Craig McCracken's handle &quot;Puff-Daddy&quot; on PPG forums.) Bubbles and Buttercup, flying at super speed, rush through the city and over a sign that reads, &quot;You are now leaving the City of Townsville&quot;.]''
:'''Bubbles''': Whee!
:''[Blossom busts right through the sign, clearly the one who is it. The Professor, moments too late, speeds down the nearby street.]''
:'''Professor''': Girls, no! Wait!
:''[Bubbles and Buttercup zip around buildings to avoid their tagged sister. The view focuses in on Blossom, hairbow swept back by the wind as she makes several hairpin turns. In a rear view, as she starts to catch up to her other sisters, they speed up, setting all three off in a dazzling whirl of 90 degree turns through the city streets. As they fly, they drag items from papers to cars in the vacuum of their wake. A red ball is also seen bouncing merrily along. At one point, Blossom gasps and grinds her feet to a halt in front of two very surprised people. Using her super hearing, accentuated by animated sonar waves, Blossom cups her arm to her ear, hearing Buttercup's joyful laughter, and a taunting &quot;can't catch me&quot; from Bubbles. (The building reads 801 a reference to PPG801, the codename and web address for the PPG movie before the official website.) Pausing momentarily to decide where to go, Blossom zips off to the right, leaving the two onlookers to stare at her trail, before narrowly avoiding the flying debris that strikes the building's front, notably a car, whose collision is accentuated from several angles. The Professor, still in control of his vehicle, is not far behind, hanging a hard right to follow Blossom. His face is marked with worry.]''
:'''Professor''': Oh no!
:''[The same red ball bumps into the Professor's car and continues down Blossom's path. The scene changes to Blossom, keeping her at a fixed distance and focus as she nimbly zooms down city streets. As the camera stops, the roadway behind her glows red and cracks, erupting into flaming debris. Becoming more careless now, Blossom zigzags down a street, leaving a canyon-sized streak behind her. The scene briefly shifts to Buttercup, who has chosen to flee by flying. At a three-way intersection, Buttercup turns left, and the rampaging Blossom just passes her on the straightaway. Turning back o.c., she pummels her way back down Buttercup's path. Following Blossom fixedly behind again, she pursues her flying sister down several twisting streets. Inside a car, a tall thin long-haired young male driver and his shorter, fatter black-haired male friend cry out as the two girls zoom out right in front of them and into busy traffic. (Their appearance could be a reference to Jay and Silent Bob, makers of and actors in such fine titles as Clerks and Mallrats) The driver brakes hard and jerks left, ramming into a large store windowpane. Destroying several more cars, Blossom admires her handiwork, then gasps as she looks forward and notices the traffic jam in front of her. She narrowly zigs between the car lanes, and up onto the side of the adjacent buildings, leaving a similar gouging pattern behind her. The view adjusts sideways, as Blossom runs parallel to the ground across the buildings. Bubbles, for her part, seems to be enjoying this immensely, eyes closed and arms outstretched as she lets out a girlish &quot;whee!&quot; Blossom sees her fly by in the opposite direction, and returning to the ground again, she briefly stops at a street corner before returning alternately to the buildings and ground. Now on her blonde sister's tracks, she pursues the unseen Bubbles down several more streets. Something catches her attention, and she stops, looking upwards with a gasp. The camera focuses in on her head. Her pupils contract rapidly, with a sound similar to a lens instrument focusing in on a distant object. It's a large glass dome ball atop a building, similar in form to a disco ball. Seeing Bubbles' trail in its reflective surface, Blossom zooms in closer and closer to calculate her sister's location]''
:'''Blossom''': Subway, huh?
:''[Her eyes re-dilate, and she scopes the nearest subway entrance, and she darts down the tunnel in a spiral fashion, leaving her customary trail. Bubbles is still blissfully unaware of her would-be captor, continuing to fly without heed to direction. Blossom exits the subway and stands confidently at its exit. Bubbles gasps, suddenly aware of her sister's plot, and hitting the pavement, grinds to a halt mere inches from her sister]''
:'''Blossom''': Tag! You're it!
:''[She flies off slowly, an air of smugness written all over her as she blows a raspberry at Bubbles, who for her part takes this in for a moment, then looks quite angry, bursting upwards at high velocity and leaving a massive crater behind her. The debris hits several buildings, and narrowly misses the Professor's car. He gasps as he spots the girls]''
:'''Professor''': There they are!
:''[Before he can finish, he hits the crater left by Bubbles, and his car does a complete backflip with a perfect landing. The red ball hits his car again]''
:'''Blossom''': Watch out, here she comes!
:''[Bubbles is now the pursuer. Narrowly missing her sisters, she backpedals by pushing off of the glass globe, which we can now clearly see is the logo of Olive Corp. The impact shatters the narrow base, and the sphere rolls off the building top. As pedestrians scream in horror, the globe smashes into a street way and starts rolling downwards, the surroundings mirrored in its surface. It hits a building at a street corner, and turns onto another road, smashing stores left and right as it bumps back-and-forth down the street. A distant shot shows the girls continuing to flee from Bubbles, smashing into various buildings along the way. As they head towards ground, the force of one impact actually causes the road to curl upwards, sending cars hurling upwards as the wave of asphalt hits them. Buttercup, stationary, pops her head out from behind a corner building, laughing to herself for giving her sisters the slip]''
:'''Buttercup''': Hah, suckers!
:''[The road wave reaches Buttercup, and she is sent spinning vertically into the air, with a blank expression on her face. Bubbles zooms up to her and tags her just at the height of her climb]''
:'''Bubbles''': Tag, you're it!
:''[The scene cuts to inside a rather swank looking home high above the city, where a smooth-talking gentleman is wooing a young lady. A car is seeing hurtling towards the room's full-wall windows]''
:'''Smooth Man''': You know, I've got a nice car.
:''[The scene cuts away right before the car hits, and from down below, the Professor looks upwards at the high-story impact, as glass rains down on his car. He spies the girls, finally stopped, high in the air in a circle]''
:'''Professor''': Huh?
:''[Blossom and Bubbles tag Buttercup]''
:'''Both''': Tag, you're it!
:'''Buttercup''': Hey!
:''[The two girls disappear behind a post-modern style building, and Buttercup, looking left and right, gives a banshee scream as she angrily realizes she's lost them. Tired of playing around, she smashes a beeline right through several buildings. Blossom and Bubbles are standing calmly above a building similar to the Seattle Space Needle]''
:'''Blossom''': She'll never find us up here!
:''[Buttercup smashes through several more buildings in a fury of anger]''
:'''Blossom''': Do you hear something?
:''[The pursuer smashes through a sign labeled gas, which for some reason, is actually filled with a flammable substance. She zooms forward, trailing the edge of the giant fireball billowing out behind her]''
:'''Blossom''': Whoa! Run!
:''[As the two anxiously flee, Buttercup zooms behind them and taps them both. Their forms are silhouetted behind the massive fireball emanating in the background]''
:'''Buttercup''': Tag, you're both it!
:''[The three stop, and argue as a fire rages on behind them]''
:'''Blossom''': Hey! We can't both be it!
:'''Buttercup''': Why not?
:''[Bubbles touches Blossom]''
:'''Bubbles''': Tag!
:'''Blossom''': What?! I can't be it twice!
:'''Bubbles''': Why not?
:'''Blossom''': OK then, tag! Now you guys are it!
:'''Buttercup''': ''[to Bubbles]'' Tag!
:'''Bubbles''': ''[to the other two]'' Tag!
:'''Buttercup''': Hey, no tag backs! ''[to Blossom]'' Tag!
:'''Blossom''': ''[to Bubbles]'' Tag!
:'''Girls''': Tag, tag, tag, tag, tag, tag, tag!
:''[The Professor turns a corner and screeches to a halt. He has a good view of the girls from a giant hole through several buildings]''
:'''Girls''': Tag, tag, tag! You're it! No, you're it!
:''[They take off again, in an elaborate design of flying patterns, as the scene slowly pulls back, moving inside a stately room, where the Mayor looks at the raging destruction]''
:'''Mayor of Townsville''': Oh, boy.
:''[The Mayor throws open a set of large double doors, his now-visible face revealing a [[w:Hair loss|bald head]], top hat, [[w:white|white]] [[w:moustache|mustache]] and single [[w:Monocle|monocle]] with one eye clenched shut. A sash across his chest says &quot;Mayor&quot;. As he scuttles his small legs across the red-carpeted floor, he continues to chant to himself]''
:'''Mayor of Townsville''': Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. ''[the girls again. Now the Professor has to dodge wrecked cars and craters as he drives. Cut to a set of doors at the top of a staircase inside Townsville Hall; these are thrown open by the Mayor, who then descends the steps]'' Oh boy.
:'''Sara Bellum''': ''[catches him up to him with a clipboard in her hand]'' &quot;Oh boy&quot; is right, Mayor. It's terrible, the town is being destroyed by three girls with freakish powers. This is a very serious situation. What action do you propose we take?
:''[The action continues to switch between the girls, Professor, and Mayor once more. Several concerned businessmen are shoving papers in Bellum's off-screened face]''
:'''Ms. Bellum''': Don't worry, gentlemen, the Mayor and I have the situation under control.
:'''Mayor''': Oh, boy.
:'''Ms. Bellum''': I know, sir.
:''[The scenes rotate again. Now, a large crowd of people is surrounding the two politicians]''
:'''Mayor''': Oh, boy.
:'''Ms. Bellum''': You tell them, Mayor. Townsville will not stand for this kind of behavior.
:''[The scenes rotate again. Now, the mayoral group is outside, led by the diminutive public official]''
:'''Ms. Bellum''': Uh, Mayor? Hello? City being destroyed? Where are you going?
:'''Mayor''': Oh, boy!
:'''Ms. Bellum''': Mayor, what are you doing? We're in a serious pickle.
:'''Mayor''': Exactly.
:''[The group stops mid-stride. The mayor is in front of a food cart. The Professor rushes behind the girls.]''
:'''Professor''': Girls, no!
:''[The vendor is seen busying himself inside the food cart]''
:'''Mayor''': [clears throat] Hello.
:''[The vendor pops his head out. He looks like the Mayor, but with a [[w:Black|black]] mustache, a bad Italian hat, and an even worse Italian accent]''
:'''Cucor''': Hello.
:'''Mayor''': The usual, Cucor.
:''[At this point, we can see that Cucor's nose looks like a giant bumpy pickle]''
:'''Cucor''': ''[approving smack; mwah]'' Ahh, yes. I have a fine vintage for you here. Picked fresh today.
:''[Heavenly music plays as a detailed view of a moist green [[w:Pickled cucumber|pickle]] is lofted high with a pair of tongs, brine dripping off its bumpy surface]''
:'''Mayor''': Oh, boy!
:''[Glimpses show the continually tagging girls and the Mayor slowly bringing the pickle towards his mustachioed lips. As the girls barrel forward, they strike the pickle cart outside Town Hall, the resultant explosion blasting everyone backward. As the smoke clears, it reveals a giant impact crater left by the girls' impact, and the vendor cart demolished. The girls are lying down in the center, laughing giddily and rapidly talking about the game. The Professor runs into the scene and over the pile of dazed bodies]''
:'''Professor''': Girls, girls, are you OK?
:''[All three get up and touch the Professor]''
:'''Girls''': Tag! You're it, Professor! ''[laughing]''
:''[Somber music plays as the Mayor is shown lying prostrate on the ground, his beloved pickle tumbled out of his grasp. In a long zoom out from Town Hall, the true extent of destruction is shown, as the glass ball smashes into another building and comes to a halt. The camera does an extreme zoom out, showing the entire city of Townsville, and revealing the true extent of the damage. Buildings are pockmarked with house-sized holes, and the Space Needle building's top takes this opportunity to fall over and jabs into the ground like an oversized dart]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[A stack of newspapers hits the street. It's the Townsville Tribune. On the top half of the cover is a cut-off picture of Buttercup, with the words &quot;Freaky Bug-Eyed Weirdo Girls Broke Everything&quot; in large bold print, ala New York Times. In the shadows of an alley, the pink eyes of Jojo are seen reading the paper. (The paper is a wealth of inside jokes. The face of Craig McCracken, the series creator, is seen in a watermark in the upper left corner. The paper also reads July 3rd the opening date of the Powerpuff movie. And the back has a picture of a Gorillaz poster.) Jojo's voice has obviously lowered]''
:'''Jojo''': Hmm. ''[laughing maniacally]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The girls' reflections are mirrored in the large glass dome as they walk by it. The camera zooms in on Buttercup]''
:'''Buttercup''': Well, it's official. I have no idea where we are.
:'''Blossom''': Well, I can't say it's been the best day.
:'''Bubbles''': But it probably couldn't get much worse.
:''[On the cue, it starts to rain hard. Buttercup starts to yell out and Bubbles begins to cry.]''
:'''Blossom''': Hey, it's OK. Maybe there's a box we can get in around back. Come on.
:''[The girls walk behind what looks like Malph's Market]''
:'''Blossom''': See, there’s a whole bunch of boxes.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[After Jojo, who is a hobo, saved the girls from the Gangreen Gang, they pursued him down the rainy alley. Jojo seeks refuge in a [[w:Box|box]]. As the girls run up searching in his direction, Blossom is the first to spot him]''
:'''Blossom''': Hey, guys, over here! Hi! What's your name? I'm Blossom.
:'''Buttercup''': Buttercup.
:'''Bubbles''': And I'm Bubbles!
:'''Jojo''': ''[first words; with Japanese accent]'' Go away, please. Don't look at me.
:'''Blossom''': But we just wanted to thank you for saving us from those green gangsters back there.
:'''Buttercup''': Yeah, that was amazing with the trash can lid! It was all fwish, bang, crash, bam, boom!
:'''Bubbles''': Yeah, you rock!
:''[The scene slowly zooms in on Jojo. His eyes open in the darkness]''
:'''Jojo''': No, please, I dare not listen. For I have been lashed by harsh tongues for too long. Alas, my little ones, I do not rock. For I, Jojo, am a monster.
:''[As Jojo scowls, lightning flashes briefly revealing his face]''
:'''Blossom''': You're not a monster. Monsters are evil.
:'''Buttercup''': Yeah, and anybody who would save us like you did is so not evil.
:'''Bubbles''': You're no monster, mister. You're just really dirty.
:'''Jojo''': Please, you're just trying to make me feel better. But my pain is not for you to understand. Besides, how could you? For you are pure and innocent, and most certainly loved.
:''[The girls glance at each other]''
:'''Jojo''': How could you know what it is to be cast out into a world that only offers misery? How could you know what it's like for people to fear and despise you for the very things that make you special?
:''[The girls drop their heads in a silent understanding]''
:'''Jojo''': Because you don't fit in! Because you are... '''''A FREAK!!!!!!'''''
:''[Jojo emerges from his box, his grocery bag in hand, revealing his huge brain after the explosion that originally created the girls]''
:'''Blossom''': Because... ''[as they float up a distance; cut to their perspective—he looks up, stunned]'' we're freaks, too.
:''[Cut back to ground level, just behind Jojo]''
:'''Jojo''': What amazing powers!
:'''Blossom''': No, they're terrible!
:'''Jojo''': I'll bet everyone hates them.
:'''Buttercup''': Yeah!
:'''Jojo''': And they hate you, too?
:'''Bubbles''': ''[small voice]'' Yes.
:'''Jojo'''; ''[turns away, his eyes tearing up.]'' I am in the same boat. This brain is full of brilliant ideas! But will anyone listen? No. Nothing in this gray matters... ''[walking back into box]'' so what's the point?
:''[The girls land in front of it]''
:'''Bubbles''': Oh, Jojo, don't be sad. ''[just inside; the girls are seen around his silhouette, and the rain stops]'' Our dad says that sometimes people get angry when they don't understand something special or unique. ''[as his eyes open—narrowed and calculating; he faces us]''
:'''Blossom''': And if you just give people time, they'll start to understand your specialness. ''[as he grins nastily]''
:''[Outside the box again; he pokes his head out]''
:'''Buttercup''': Yeah, you just gotta believe in yourself!
:'''Jojo''': ''[eagerly, rapid-fire]'' You mean, if I take the time to construct my most ingenious plan, the-help-the-town-and-make-it-a-better-place-machine, then people will come to understand my specialness?
:'''Buttercup''': Uhh...
:'''Jojo''': Okay, I'll do it! But I'll need your help!
:''[Long shot of the volcano in the middle of the park. There is no observatory on its peak. At this distance, neither the girls nor Jojo is visible]''
:'''Girls''': '''''WHAT?!'''''
:''[Close-up of the crater, all four at its edge. Jojo has his bag on again and is holding a piece of equipment shaped like a large, thick, stubby pencil. Even though the weather is now calm, his scarf continues to billow under its own power—just like the cape that will ultimately replace it.]''
:'''Jojo''': Jump in, take this device and build it into the volcano - we need to harness the energy of the Earth's core for power!
:'''Blossom''': What are you talking about?
:'''Jojo''': The plan!
:'''Buttercup''': What plan?
:'''Jojo''': Our plan!
:'''Bubbles''': To do what?
:'''Jojo''': To make the town better, of course.
:'''Girls''': What?
:'''Jojo''': You know. ''[pulling out a blueprint]'' Using my ideas and your powers... ''[his perspective; he spreads out the plans in front of them. They show the observatory as we now know it, with detailed views of a cluster of globes and a cylindrical enclosure. Note; These plans carry the PPG-801 designation, and when Jojo moves his hand, we can see that they were approved by Cartoon Network Studios]'' we will build the help-the-town-and-make-it-a-better-place machine. That way everyone will see that our special abilities are good, then everyone will love us. Remember? It was ''your'' idea!
:'''Blossom''': Uhh.. oh yeah! But use our powers? ''[Back and forth between Jojo and the girls]''
:'''Jojo''': Yes!
:'''Buttercup''': No way!
:'''Jojo''': Come on!
:'''Bubbles''': Nuh-uh. We're never using our powers again.
:'''Jojo''': Oh, girls, don't be sad. Your powers are great! You just gotta believe in yourself.
:''[Jojo gives them a calculating, sly grin—the sort they would never trust if they had run into him before this encounter—and they look to each other, then toward the crater. Their images are reflected from the surface of the boiling lava within; from here, the camera tilts up to point across the crater and into the night. After a long moment, a tri-colored light streak flashes down from above and splashes into the volcano. Jojo grins broadly at the sight. Inside the volcano, the girls plunge through the lava, holding their breath and hauling the equipment. They go deeper and deeper as the glow from the subterranean heat finally turns pure white and fills the screen. The girls fade into view and let go of their payload, point down; it remains in place, the pointed end opens, and a small platform shoots up from the blunt end. Tethered to the body by a cable, it emerges from the core and zooms toward the surface, with the girls keeping pace. Back to the crater; they and the platform emerge, throwing gobbets of lava everywhere. Jojo pays no mind to the hazard, instead jumping for joy]''
:'''Jojo''': '''''YES!!! YES!!!!!! YES!!!!!!!!!'''''
:'''Blossom''': We did good?
:'''Jojo''': You did very good. Very good indeed. ''[as his eyes shift slantily]''
:'''Buttercup''': Now what do we do? [as his perspective of the plans]
:'''Jojo''': First, we construct the superstructure.
:''[Cut to a frozen wasteland and pan across it as the girls fly into view. They land on a patch of snow and ice beneath which the outline of a large meteorite is dimly visible, then start firing their eye lasers at this. The screen fills with steam from the vaporizing snow; when it clears, the camera has shifted into the hole they have made, which is considerable. They step to the edge and look in for a moment before Buttercup slides down, the camera following. She disappears behind the meteorite, which begins to shake and then lift away from the snow under her efforts. Back to Jojo on the crater’s lip; now a support rod protrudes into view from the o.c. platform and is anchored to the interior wall. He gives directions as the camera pulls back to show the girls holding the meteorite above the platform. Other rods anchor it to the crater wall. From here, cut to Blossom and Buttercup in midair, firing their eye lasers toward the space debris as Bubbles holds it. A stream of liquid metal pours down from it to fill an I-beam mold being held in place by Jojo, who is giving more directions. Now we see a framework of such beams under construction. Buttercup swings one over so that Bubbles can weld it to another with her eye lasers; pan to Blossom, who is bending another one into an arc to connect with one already in place. She then zaps the joint. Pull back to a long shot of the volcano, which now has the lower portion of what will become the observatory in place. Cut to the ocean floor as the girls dive toward it; sunken ships dot the view. They zip among and through several of the wrecks before arriving at a submarine whose windows glow with light, even though there is a large rip in the hull. This is promptly lifted free, and the lights flicker and go out as their source—a school of angler fish, each with a small light on the end of a stalk extending from the head—emerges and swims away. Around the sub, the scene dissolves to the night sky; the girls are holding it above the partially completed dome support frame. Jojo calls instructions from its base. Cut to a close-up of Bubbles, now standing on the floor with a beam slung over her shoulder, and pull back to show the sub now held up by her sisters as their boss looks on. She swings the beam, breaking the hull like a piñata and releasing a shower of components. Blossom and Buttercup fly back and forth and catch as many falling pieces as they can, Jojo looks over two of them, and Bubbles watches happily. He plugs two cords together and is rewarded with the glow of vacuum tubes; pull back as the walls and floor in the now-completed dome start to glow green and flash. Main power is functioning, much to the delight of all four. Jojo is at a partially built control panel in the center of the floor, with cables running toward the walls. Long shot of the volcano; now the observatory exterior has taken on its current form, complete with telescope. The girls fly away from the city, and the scene dissolves around them to a desert. Flying together in a tight circle, they create a tornado to stir up clouds of sand that fill the screen. These give way to the observatory’s interior, where the sand they picked up during this run lies in drifts near the wall. Jojo directs the girls’ work as they melt the material with their eye lasers; dissolve to them in midair, blowing the molten glass. Each ends up with a large globe that has a thin tube attached. Note: There is no dialogue through the preceding six paragraphs, and the girls’ actions are marked only by the occasional musical sound effect. Jojo wrenches on a piece of machinery. During the next line, cut to the girls as they attach the globes to a large central hub and heat-seal the joints]''
:'''Jojo''': ''[with mounting fervor]'' Look! Can't you see our plan is working? Our work is proceeding as planned! At last, our lives will be better!
:''[Back to him, standing among a row of metal bases running along the wall. The girls descend into view and each set a bell-jar-shaped glass cover onto a base to create a holding tank such as that seen in the blueprint’s details]''
:'''Jojo''': At last, we will be accepted! ''[his perspective of the blueprint’s main drawing]'' At last, our greatest work is comple...
:''[On the end of this, the paper is lowered o.c. to show the interior of the completed observatory. The tanks run around the chamber’s entire perimeter, electrodes fitted to their tops, and floor cables radiate out from center to walls. The assembly of globes, also matching the blueprint’s details, is suspended within a huge globe that hangs above the completed control panel. A cable or tube runs from the underside of this to the top of each tank. Back to Jojo and the girls. He is looking intently at the plans]''
:'''Jojo''': Oops.
:'''Blossom''': What's wrong?
:'''Jojo''': ''[sweetly]'' Well, there is one last, teeny tiny, itsy bitsy thing we still need.
:''[Close-up of a flask of Chemical X, then pull back to show it in the Professor’s lab. The girls fly into view and stop in front of it; cut to the exterior of the house as they fly out through the front door, then to a long shot of the observatory as they return. It is now the following day. Inside, they stop in front of Jojo and Blossom shows him the flask, freshly purloined from the lab. He smiles and points up; the camera follows as the girls fly to the top of the huge outer globe and set the flask in a socket up there. On the ground, Jojo begins to jump for joy again]''
:'''Jojo''': '''''YES!!! YES!!!!!! YES!!!!!!!!!'''''
:'''Blossom''': We did good?
:'''Jojo''': ''[as the girls descend]'' You did very good. Very good indeed.
:'''Buttercup''': Now what do we do?
:'''Jojo''': Well, because you've done so good, I've got a special surprise!
:''[Snap to black, which resolves into the back of Buttercup’s head backing away from the camera. All three girls run toward the entrance of the Townsville Zoo, while Jojo walks behind]''
:'''Girls''': Yay! ''[as he moves farther away from the camera, his back comes into view—he is holding a camera behind it. Cut to the girls at a low wall]
:'''Girls''': Ohhhh...
:''[Pull back on this; they are outside the elephant pen. Jojo pays no attention to the beasts. Cut to the girls at another wall, with him still not bothering to look]
:'''Girls''': Ahhhh...
:''[Again, pull back as they say this to show them now watching a couple of happy seals in a pond. Cut to them at yet another wall, with Jojo still disregarding the sights]''
:'''Girls''': Ooooh...
:''[Pull back on this to frame an exhibit of lions, then cut to them flying down a path. They stop and squeal happily when they reach a sign indicating that the zebras are nearby, and they zip away in its direction. After a moment, Jojo walks into view from that direction, a quiet smile on his face and only his head and shoulders visible; cut to behind him so that we can now see three puzzled girls tucked under his arms. Pull back to show that they are on the way to Primate Plaza. Monkeys hang from a branch behind a fence as the four observe. The girls are enjoying the spectacle, but Jojo seems a bit down in the mouth. His face brightens as he holds up his camera. Cut to his perspective through its viewfinder; he steps back to get them into frame, along with the monkeys, and the view shifts to point over his shoulder at the girls. After a moment, he lowers the camera and waves to one side. His perspective again: they step away, finally moving out of frame altogether and leaving the viewfinder centered on a monkey’s rump. Back to Jojo, who gives a thumbs-up and clicks the shutter release, then to the viewfinder once more. Now only Bubbles and part of Blossom are in frame as the flash goes off. The monkey screeches, claps its hands to its rump, and drops out of sight. Another camera-eye view: the girls strike various goofy poses. Pan from them to a couple of baboons, the larger one yelling at the smaller. It stops and runs away when the flash goes off. Cut to yet another silly shot of the girls in the viewfinder, then shift quickly to a large-nosed proboscis monkey sitting in a tree. At the next flash, it tumbles from its perch. Normal shot: a few Japanese macaque monkeys sitting in a steaming lagoon. One of them is scratching at another’s fur and eating the lice it picks out. At a flash from the o.c. Jojo’s camera, the one being groomed starts screeching at the lice picker. Now an old orangutan is seen eating an apple; at the next flash, it spits out its mouthful. A small, light-furred monkey makes its way from vine to vine, but falls in fright upon having its picture taken. We next see a quick series of primates and simians, each of which starts in fear and shock when the flash goes off. The tempo of Jojo’s picture taking steadily increases until the subjects are flashing by. Cut to the left end of a poster showing the stages of man’s evolution. The girls, all o.c., read the one-word description of each stage as the camera pulls back and pans toward modern man, the seventh drawing at the far right]''
:'''Buttercup''': Worthless.
:'''Blossom''': Lame.
:'''Bubbles''': Stupid!
:'''Buttercup''': Okay.
:'''Blossom''': Better.
:'''Bubbles''': Almost.
:'''Girls''': Awesome!
:''[Each drawing has a time period under its caption. L to R: 4.5 million BC, 3.5 million BC, 2.5 million BC, 2.1 million BC, 750,000 BC, 250,000 BC, today. The modern man wears a suit and carries a briefcase. Pull back from the poster to frame the girls and Jojo; the girls giggle at the depictions, but he looks away with pure contempt. His eyes suddenly go wide, and the camera pulls back some distance to show what he has seen: a large mountain gorilla sitting atop a rock. Grinning wickedly, he raises his camera and takes a picture. When the flash subsides, the view has shifted to zoom in quickly on a patch of fur, after which it pulls back to frame the entire creature. It grunts briefly in surprise and starts to scratch at a spot near its shoulder. Extreme close-up of this, moving slowly over to a small electronic component now embedded among the hairs—shot from the camera. It beeps and has a flashing red light, and its shape and details vaguely resemble the braincap that Jojo will ultimately adopt as his headgear. Back to Jojo, a satisfied smile on his face; he starts o.c.]''
:'''Jojo''': Come, girls, our work is fin... ''[Pull back; he passes the girls, who are watching animals that might be prairie dogs]'' ...oh I mean... ''[Close-up of them; he contnues o.c.]'' ...time to go.
:'''Girls''': Awwww...
:''[Cut to him walking toward the exit, with them trailing]''
:'''Girls''': But, Jojo! ''[pass a discarded baby rattle on the next lines]''
:'''Blossom''': We haven't seen the gazelles!
:'''Buttercup''': Or the crocodiles!
:'''Bubbles''': Or the unicorns! [pleading] Just one unico... ''[trips over the rattle and ends up flat on her face. A baby is heard crying o.c.; she turns to look for it, and the camera follows her gaze to show a mother and two children—a young boy and said infant—on their way out. She runs after them with the toy]'' Excuse me, ma'am. I think you dropped this.
:''[On the end of this line, she reaches the mother; the boy looks at her with loathing writ large. Tilt up to the woman, whose face only shows more of the same. They’re mad at Bubbles because of the damage that Bubbles and her sisters caused to the city two days earlier. She snatches the rattle away and starts to drag the boy along behind her]''
:'''Mother''': ''[contemptuous little snort]'' I thought the zoo kept all the animals in cages! ''[tilt down to the girls; Blossom consoles Bubbles]''
:'''Buttercup''': ''[calling after mother]'' Yeah? Well, you're welcome, lady!
:'''Blossom''': Don't listen, Bubbles.
:''[Jojo’s shadow falls over all three]''
:'''Jojo''': ''[from o.c.]'' That's right, Bubbles, do not listen. ''[stepping to them]'' All of you deafen yourselves to their heartless words. They do not know that it is their saviors they are speaking to. They are unaware that your actions will have helped change their world forever!
:''[This brightens the girls’ mood quite a bit, and he gathers them up in a hug]''
:'''Jojo''': Because we have helped the town and made it a better place.
:'''Blossom''': Do you think they'll be surprised?
:'''Jojo''': Oh yeah.
:'''Buttercup''': You think they'll still be mad at us for playing tag?
:'''Jojo''': No, they'll have forgotten all about that.
:'''Bubbles''': Will they love us? ''[tense silence for a moment]''
:'''Jojo''': Yes.
:'''Girls''': Really?
:'''Jojo''': Would I lie to you?
:''[They smile at one another. Fade to black]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Later that night, the girls fly back home]''
:'''Blossom''': I'm so excited!
:'''Buttercup''': Yeah, we'll show 'em!
:'''Bubbles''': Hey, where's...?
:''[On cue, the Professor is thrown roughly head first into the house by the same policemen who arrested him earlier]''
:'''Girls''': Professor!
:''[Buttercup melts the handcuffs off his wrists with her laser vision]''
:'''Professor''': Oh, girls, thank goodness you're OK! I'm so sorry! I'm a terrible, terrible parent! You must hate me for not picking you up from school. But it's not my fault. It's this town. They've gone crazy. It's like they've never seen kids playing before. I knew your powers would take some getting used to, but jail? Lawsuits? Angry mobs? What's next?
:'''Girls''': Don't worry, Professor, things are going to get better. We promise.
:''[Back in his volcano top observatory, Jojo now sits in the center of the contraption, discarding his coat and bag, an evil grin spread across his face. He pushes a red button, and the tracking devices planted in the monkeys' fur come to life, transporting them away from the zoo, and into pre-arranged liquid-filled cages lined in a circular fashion about Jojo. Another flip of the switch and the large glass ball contraption comes to life. The Chemical X drains from the large beaker on top, and the glass balls, spinning rapidly, each fills with a smaller dosage of the black liquid. Another dial is turned, and the room is cast into a green glow as lightning begins to spark from the balls. The liquid drains from each of the globes, and the monkeys are enveloped in it. They screech in pain and agony under the assault. Lighting begins to issue from their bodies, and their skin begins to turn as green as Jojo's, along with their eyes taking on the same pink hue as Mojo's as well, while their brains grow out from their heads in a similar fashion to Jojo, who laughs evilly, as rapidly flashing red and green lights flash around him. The shot zooms out, revealing the monkeys now suspended quite prostate, their brains sticking far out from their heads. The shot continues back, showing the observatory, the city of Townsville, and finally back through the far-right window of the girls' bedroom, where they are sleeping peacefully, blissfully unaware of the events transpiring miles away in the city proper. Fade to black]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[At this point, the girls reach downtown and are astonished and shocked by what they see. A quick zoom out reveals that there are now hundreds of monkeys ravaging the townsfolk. The camera focuses on Jojo standing confidently in front of town hall, the Mayor's head under one of his boots. He then points towards the girls as he speaks]''
:'''Jojo''': Blossom, Bubbles and Buttercup, I couldn't have done it without you!
:''[The girls are in shock]''
:'''Man #1''': It's their fault!
:'''Man #2''': I knew they were no good!
:''[Jojo laughs maniacally]''
:'''Blossom''': Jojo, what happened?!
:'''Bubbles''': This isn't making the town a better place!
:'''Jojo''': ''[last words]'' 'Yes, it is. For me, the hobo formerly known as &quot;Jojo&quot; is no more. From this day forward, I shall be known as… '''''MOJO JOJO!!!!!!!!'''''
:''[Jojo, now known as Mojo Jojo, swoops his cape back in dramatic effect, the Mayor still crushed under his right boot. The girls gasp in astonishment]''
:'''Mojo Jojo''': ''[first words]'' For too long, apes and monkeys have been under the thumb of man. Well, the time has come to oppose that thumb, and take hold of what is rightfully ours: '''''THE WORLD!!!!!!!!'''''
:''[The girls face the Professor, who is now at the top of the steps]''
:'''Girls''': Professor! ''[as he collapses to his knees]'' We didn't want this!
:'''Woman #2''': Liars!
:'''Man #3''': Fibbers!
:'''Man #4''': You've doomed us all! ''[as close-up of the Professor, his mind reeling]''
:'''Blossom''': ''[from o.c.]'' Please, Professor. ''[as he raises his head; cut to them]'' Please believe us.
:''[Tilt down from them to point toward the street—his perspective—and then cut back to him. He tries to sort out the situation for some moments before speaking again]''
:'''Professor''': I don't know who to believe.
:''[The girls gasp]''
:'''Professor''': I thought you were good.
:''[Long shot of the skyline; the girls rocket straight up from it into space, the camera following]''
:'''Girls''': '''''NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'''''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Mojo Jojo''':  ''[after the girls zoom into space]'' Yeah! Whoo! Alright! ''[spiking Mayor like a football]'' I rock! I rock so hard. For I, Mojo Jojo, have succeeded in my first, greatest, and most brilliant plan ever. And I, Mojo Jojo, shall be '''King of the Planet of the Apes!'''
:''[Pause]''
:''[At this point there is silence. None of Mojo Jojo's army is attacking the crowd anymore as all their attention has shifted to Mojo Jojo and his declaration of being king. Their expressions make it clear that none of them are willing to accept this declaration from Mojo Jojo of him being their leader and king when they've done all the work. A [[w:Bornean orangutan|Bornean Orangutan]] speaks out from the nearby crowd, his bulging brain, spiteful glance, and tone of voice similar in form to Mojo Jojo's.]''
:'''Ojo Tango''': ''You'' shall be King?! Preposterous!
:'''Mojo Jojo''': What?! How dare you?
:'''Ojo''': ''[while putting on Mojo Jojo's identical clothes]'' For it is ''I'', who's the one most suited to be ruler.
:'''Mojo Jojo''': Those are ''my'' clothes!
:'''Ojo''': I, Ojo Tango, shall be simian supreme.
:'''Mojo Jojo''': No Ojo. ''Mojo!''
:''[Back to the upstart; as he continues; he climbs down into the machine, a hatch closing behind him. This is a large, tank-treaded vehicle with two side-mounted cannons, which are pointed straight down so that it can balance on them. It throws its weight ahead, lands on its treads, and points the cannons forward.]''
:'''Ojo''': As I unleash the offensive omnipotence of the oppressive orango-tank!
:''[At this point, a [[w:Western lowland gorilla|lowland gorilla]] speaks up. His voice is very low and burly.]''
:'''Rocko Socko''': ''[burly deep voice]'' Hold on!
:'''Mojo Jojo''': Oh, no.
:'''Rocko''': ''[while putting on metal fists and another variant of Mojo's clothes]'' It is ''I'' who shall get a ''grip'' on this situation.
:'''Mojo''': You'd better not.
:'''Rocko''': As I, Rocko Socko, seize control and rule. ''[smashes a hole in a building]''
:'''Mojo Jojo''': Wait!
:''[All of the primates wear variants of Mojo's clothes]''
:''[A lanky [[w:Olive baboon|olive baboon]] speaks next.]''
:'''Baboon Kaboom''': ''[getting into a baboon robot]'' I, Baboon Kaboom, with my Baboon-bot, will be the bomb!
:''[He leaps into the aforementioned contraption as he says this; it is a large robot in the shape of a baboon, with a red-and-white striped pipe sticking out from the rear end, and it stands on a rooftop.]''
:'''Mojo Jojo''': Uh-oh.
:''[Back to the robot, zooming in on the tailpipe.]''
:'''Baboon''': And if you don't like it, you can sniff my Baboon-bot bombs! ''[as the Baboon-bot poops out 3 bombs, it throws them and they explode]''
:'''Mojo Jojo''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, that's classy.
:''[A large [[w:Barrel|barrel]] of [[w:Lar gibbon|White handed gibbons]], in the same form as the famous Barrel of Monkeys toy, rolls down the street. A group of them speaks at once.]''
:'''Go Go Po-Trol''': ''[all at once]'' Gangway, gangway! For we, the Go Go Po-Trol, as brothers-in-arms, are linked to form a chain of command that will reach out and take over the world.
:''[A Japanese [[w:Macaque|Macaque]] is standing in a vat of boiling water atop a dam.]''
:'''Hotta Wata''': I, Hotta Wata, am boiling mad for you're all wet behind your ears. ''[the dam breaks]'' Therefore, I shall unleash a scalding torrent to drown you all about. For I don't give a–
:'''Mojo Jojo''': Watch your mouth!
:''[Next is a [[w:Western chimpanzee|West African chimpanzee]] with a pair of cymbals, moving sporadically like a toy as he clashes his cymbals.]''
:'''Cha-Ching Cha-Ching''': I, Cha-Ching Cha-Ching, symbolize chaotic calamity. ''[bangs cymbals together]''
:''[Next is a large group of [[w:Spider monkey|Spider monkeys]] with flying rocket packs. They speak in unison.]''
:'''Doot Da Doot Da Doo Doos''': ''[all at once]'' We, the Doot Da Doot Da Doo Doos, shall rain on your parade because… ''[they spit]'' we're the spit.
:'''Mojo Jojo''': ''[disgusted]'' Eww.
:''[A [[w:Proboscis monkey|proboscis monkey]] speaks next, imitating [[Jimmy Durante|Jimmy Durante]], with a dance number playing in the background as he half-sings the words. A large array of banana peels lie before him.]''
:'''Hacha Chacha''': ''[singing]'' ''♪ My name is Hacha Chacha! ♪&lt;br&gt;♪ And here's my schpiel! ♪&lt;br&gt;♪ A diabolical plan with lots of appeal ♪&lt;br&gt; ♪ Spreading bananas far and wide! ♪&lt;br&gt;♪ And fixing up the folks for a slippery slide! ♪''
:''[A man and woman slip on banana peels]''
:'''Mayor''': That's pretty catchy.
:''[A nervous young [[w:Bonobo|bonobo]] speaks next, clearly putting together his plan at the last minute.]''
:'''Blah-Blah Blah-Blah''': I, Blah-Blah Blah-Blah, ''[Quick pan to a hot plate; he pours tomato sauce into a pot on it, with empty jars all around.]'' shall create a sauce of chaos, ''[Another pan, he wheels the hot plate through the street and stirs the pot, and a funnel cloud emerges.]'' and stir up trouble ''[Quick pan ahead to a few buildings; the tomato typhoon starts to rip them apart.]'' with a destructive force known as the Tormato!
:'''Mojo Jojo''': Tor''maato?''
:'''Mayor''': Tor''mayto.'' ''[Mojo Jojo kicks him away]'' '''Woo-hoo!'''
:''[Quick pan to a [[w:Mandrill|mandrill]] driving a two-wheeled vehicle with a large drill bit mounted in front.]''
:'''Killa Drilla''': I, Killa Drilla.
:''[A [[w:Cross River gorilla|Cross River Gorilla]] runs down the street, delivering headbutts.]''
:'''Bonzo Bango''': I, Bonzo Bango.
:''[A very fat [[w:Tapanuli orangutan|tapanuli orangutan]] rolls over people.]''
:'''Rolo Ovo''': I, Rolo Ovo.
:''[A small [[w:Pygmy marmoset|pygmy marmoset]] bites someone’s thumb.]''
:'''Cruncha Muncha''': I, Cruncha Muncha!
:''[a young [[w:Nigeria-Cameroon chimpanzee|nigeria-cameroon chimpanzee]] slaps a young man’s face.]''
:'''Wacko Smacko''': I, Wacko Smacko!
:''[An old [[w:Eastern chimpanzee|eastern chimpanzee]] in a tattered outfit slaps a senior citizen.]''
:'''Pappy Wappy''': I, Pappy Wappy.
:''[Now we see a quick series of shots of various other monkeys, each of whom cries out, “I!”—more pretenders to the throne. The tempo steadily accelerates through this sequence, during which the ambient light goes from green to yellow and finally red. Finally the camera cuts to a long shot of Mojo and zooms in quickly. He has had entirely too much of this.]''
:'''Mojo Jojo''': ''[losing control of his rage and yelling at his army of apes and monkeys]'' '''''NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!''''' Stop! Cease! Desist! Don't continue with the ramblings. For ''my'' ramblings to be obeyed! For I am the king, supreme leader and all-around dictator, don't you see?! All you monkeys are my plan! So your plans are ''my'' plans because you made plans and ''my'' plans was to make you! I plan to rule the world, not to have my plans plan to stop me! '''''I AM YOUR CREATOR, I AM YOUR KING, AND I AM MOJO JOJO!''''' ''[pushes the Professor aside]'' '''OBEY''' '''''MEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!'''''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[The shot cuts to a view of outer space. Despite the lack of air to convey sound, the sound of distant crying is heard. The shot zooms into the asteroid belt and focuses on a single rock. Bubbles is sitting on the surface, her head is thrown back in utter dejection and despair and is having a torrent of cries issuing from her mouth. The scene pulls back to show a saddened Blossom sitting on a rocky outcropping, and Buttercup fuming by herself in the distance. Their voices echo in the emptiness of space]''
:'''Buttercup''': That jerk! That big, fat, dumb jerk. He duped us. He planned it all along and we fell for it.
:'''Bubbles''': ''[voice breaking]'' And now, everybody hates us even more.
:''[She continues crying, then stops when she looks at Buttercup]''
:'''Bubbles''': What are you doing?
:''[Buttercup has started digging a crude wall in the asteroid]''
:'''Buttercup''': What ''does'' it ''look'' like I'm doing? I'm building a house. Because now, we have to live here.
:'''Bubbles''': Live here?
:'''Buttercup''': Yeah, don't you see? This can be the bedroom, and this is ''my'' bed. ''[she slumps down on a crude jutting of rock, and points.]'' That can be your bed over there.
:'''Bubbles''': I don't wanna sleep on a rock! ''[cries a bit more as the camera pulls back to put Blossom in the fore]''
:'''Blossom''': ''[accusingly]'' Maybe if someone hadn't pushed Bubbles into the school...
:'''Buttercup''': [sarcastically] Oh, look, she speaks! ''[taking Blossom’s tone, walking to her]'' Well maybe if someone hadn't insisted on walking home from school so we could run into the '''''BIGGEST LIAR IN THE UNIVERSE!!!!!!!!'''''
:'''Blossom''': We weren't allowed to use our powers, and you ''know'' it!
:''[Bubbles watches the argument from a distance; zoon in on her, putting them out of view, on the next line]''
:'''Buttercup''': Oh, look, it's Ms. Goody-goody! ''[pull back to frame all three and pan to Buttercup on the next line]''
:'''Blossom''': What was ''I'' supposed to do?! We weren't going to get people to stop hating us by breaking rules!
:'''Buttercup''': Oh, yeah?! And using our superpowers to make a &quot;Help the Town and Make It a Better Place Machine&quot;... ''[pull back into space; we cannot see her from here]'' '''''WAS FOLLOWING RULES????!!!!''''' ''[as she crosses her eyes and takes on a particularly nasty tone when she says the name of the “Machine.” Back to the asteroid’s surface]''
:'''Blossom''': I didn't see ''you'' putting up a fight!
:'''Buttercup''': Well, you're gonna now! ''[hurls herself at Blossom; the two tumble back and forth across the screen. Bubbles stands back and watches the scuffle, her back to the camera]''
:'''Blossom''': ''[as they roll around]'' Well, if it wasn't for you, we wouldn't be in this stupid mess! You stupid!
:''[Bubbles drops to her knees; long shot of her as she starts wailing all over again. Buttercup slams down in the foreground so that all we see is an extreme close-up of her head and arms. She is on her stomach and struggles to rise, but is unable to do so after some moments. She stops briefly, then screams and pounds her fists against the ground; pull back to show Blossom sitting on her. By this point, Bubbles’ crying is no longer heard]''
:'''Blossom''': I'm not fighting with you, Buttercup!
:'''Buttercup''': Oh, yeah?! 'Cause you know I'll kick your butt!
:'''Blossom''': ''[standing up]'' No! Because I know...oh, never mind! ''[pull back to frame both; they stand well apart]'' I'm not fighting with you! And I'm not talking to you, '''''EVER!!!!!'''''
:'''Buttercup''': Well, prepare yourself for a ''looooooong'' silence, girl, ‘cause we're going to spend the rest of our lives here, thanks to ''you!''
:''[On the end of this line, cut to Blossom; she steps away a bit and sits down, her back to Buttercup’s shadow. Back to the latter]''
:'''Buttercup''': At least I got me a bed.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[A long shot now shows a massive amount of destruction being done to Townsville. All three girls hear their screams now, and the pain is unbearable. They strike the famous &quot;See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil&quot; pose. Mojo Jojo advances on the Professor, who lies hunched in a ball on the steps of City Hall. He gasps as Mojo Jojo grabs him by the throat. What he utters is able to snap the girls out of their blue funk]''
:'''Professor''': Girls!
:'''Girls''': Professor!
:''[The girls rush back to Townsville amidst the destruction]''
:'''Girls''': Professor! Professor! PROFESSOR!
:''[With another explosion, missiles strike at the base of a stirring statue of the mayor riding triumphantly on a horse. The statues fall, aiming to strike a hapless lady below. Bubbles sees this and makes a sideways U-turn, diving to save the woman]''
:'''Blossom''': Bubbles, wait!
:''[Bubbles swoops downward, picking up the woman and narrowly saving her. Her sisters rejoin her, with a lady in hand]''
:'''Blossom''': Good job, Bubbles, but we really got to save...
:'''Lady''': The baby!
:''[The baby is sitting in a carriage, holding a bomb recently spewed from the rear of Baboon Kaboom's Baboon-Bot bomb machine. Several more drop out in the next few moments]''
:'''Blossom''': Holy...!
:''[Blossom narrowly swears as she saves the baby just as the bombs explode around her]''
:'''Buttercup''': Hey, what about…?
:'''Lady''': THE DOG!!!
:''[The torrent of water is seen rushing down the streets. Hotta Wata pushes a [[w:Dog|dog]] underwater by the head]''
:'''Buttercup''': Whoa!
:''[She rushes underwater and rescues the dog. Elsewhere, Bubbles is talking to the lady, now placed safely on a rooftop]''
:'''Bubbles''': You'll be safe here.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Now dripping wet, Buttercup sets the dog down]''
:'''Buttercup''': Good dog. Can we find the professor now, please?
:''[She looks back at the dog. The barrel of monkeys threatens to squish him flat]''
:'''Buttercup''': Aww, man!
:''[Bubbles nabs the car out of Rocko's grasp, much to his surprise. Blossom saves a man in a phone booth from being crushed by Ojo's Orangu-tank's track. Buttercup zips to save the dog. Bubbles and Blossom avoid torrents of flying things and people as they carry the car and phone booth, respectively. The tomato tornado is sucking people into its core. Buttercup has set the dog outside the CTN building (another reference to Cartoon Network)]''
:'''Buttercup''': Now, stay!
:''[Cha-Ching Cha-Ching stands across the way, and with a reverberating crash, the shockwaves shatter CTN's windows. Buttercup looks back again as the falling glass heads for the canine]''
:'''Buttercup''''': Doggone it!
:''[She swoops to save the dog yet again. Blossom and Bubbles now have a large group of people on their backs. Buttercup blows a raspberry behind her as she falls into the clutches of the Go Go Po-Trol, losing her grip and sending the dog into freefall. She yells and dives down to save the dog a fourth time, but he falls into the iron clutches of Rocko Socko. This is too much for Buttercup. She gives her gripping banshee yell, and flies headfirst towards the monster]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Blossom''': OK, you should be safe here. Ohh, this is hopeless!
:'''Bubbles''': I know! There are too many monkeys. What can we do?
:''[The duo hear Buttercup's yell and glance at her direction. She's struggling to pry Rocko's iron hands open in order to free the dog. The angle changes with every word]''
:'''Buttercup''': [[w:Planet of the Apes (1968 film)|Get your hands off him, you darn, dirty ape!]]
:''[Yelling and her hand in a fist, Buttercup punches Rocko in the face, causing him to fly back and hit a wall. Bubbles and Blossom arrive and gasp. Buttercup covers her mouth in embarrassment]''
:'''Buttercup''': ''[stuttering]'' I didn't mean it! It was an accident! He wouldn't let go, and then the dog! That stupid dog! And then the monkeys! Oh, man!
:''[The dog breaks free of the metal hands. He takes a whiz on them and walks off. Blossom, thinking this over, suddenly gets an idea in her head]''
:'''Blossom''': Buttercup!
:'''Buttercup''': I, I, I...
:'''Blossom''': You're a GENIUS!
:''[Buttercup's eyes widen in surprise]''
:'''Buttercup''': I am?
:'''Bubbles''': She is?
:'''Blossom''': Yeah! The one way to stop the monkeys, save the town, and find the Professor is to use our powers to...
:''[They focus in on the townspeople screaming. The Orango-tank is about to crush a large group of people.]''
:'''Blossom''': Better yet. Watch!
:''[Blossom zooms in on the mechanical beast, striking an exploding blow to its head, knocking it over. She assumes a forward victory pose in front of the flame of the exploding machine. Ojo presumably perishes with his Orango-tank, much to Bubbles and Buttercup's amazement]''
:'''Buttercup''': Wow!
:'''Bubbles''': That was amaz--! Hey!
:''[A torrent of spit begins to rain on the girls. Above them, the Doot Da Doot Da Doo Doos are creating quite a downpour]''
:'''Bubbles''': Eww, gross! Cut it out!
:''[She lashes out with her laser eyes, striking one monkey, sending it off spiraling like a deflating balloon, striking another monkey in a large explosion. The girls strike battle-ready poses as the spitting monkeys fall all around them. The explosion has wiped out the entire group, leaving all of them battered, bruised, and beaten]''
:'''Blossom''': Come on, girls, let's put an end to this gorilla warfare!
:''[They fly off. Cha-Ching Cha-Ching bangs his cymbals together. The girls each get a good hit on him]''
:'''Blossom''': Haha! Good one, Bubbles!
:''[Cha-Ching Cha-Ching falls down in front of Mojo, who is clutching the Professor by the neck. Mojo Jojo is shocked to find him battered and beaten, but quickly regains his fury once he realizes who's responsible]''
:'''Professor''': Girls!
:''[Mojo Jojo covers his mouth]''
:'''Mojo Jojo''': Shut up! I was afraid of this. They've returned and found out what our powers can really do! Come! You will make a good Powerproof vest!
:''[Mojo walks away with the Professor. Elsewhere, as the wave of water hits another streetway, the girls quickly pound a hold in front of its path, sucking all the water, Hotta Wata included, with a look of shock on his face, down to Townsville's sewer ways like a giant toilet. The butt bomb baboon machine juts forward, but Bubbles and Blossom pin it down by the hands. As Baboon Kaboom aims the butt cannon at the girls, Buttercup clenches the barrel shut, causing an overload. On his operating screen, the machine reads &quot;B.M. Blowout&quot;, and Baboon silently screams in horror before the machine explodes. Confronting the Go-Go Patrol , Buttercup grabs the end monkey by the hand, and like a giant rubber band, Blossom stretches the other end and lets go, sending the chain spiraling into a metal pole on the sidewalk. Bubbles uses the remaining monkeys as a rather large jump rope. Hacha Chacha is pounded into the nearby fruit stand by Bubbles, while Blossom sends him spinning down his own slippery path of destruction. Blah-Blah Blah-Blah looks to his right to find Blossom, who snatches away his mixing rods, collapsing his tornado, as Blossom sends him flying into a ketchup-covered wall. Buttercup kicks Rolo Ovo like a soccer ball, sending him careening into the air off into the'' 
:''distance. Blossom grabs the drill machine by the bit, sending Killa Drilla's hald of the machine spinning uncontrollably. Cruncha Muncha is sent into the waiting arms of Bubbles, who lovingly shakes him until he passes out. The punches and kicks reach a fervent pace, until one final shot of the three girls laying a massive uppercut erupts into pain stars, sending the entire group of monkeys raining down to the ground]''
:'''Buttercup''': None of those stupid monkeys had the Professor!
:'''Bubbles''': Where could he be?
:'''Blossom''': Take a good guess.
:''[She points to the volcano top observatory, where Mojo Jojo is dragging the Professor deep into his lab. 6 sets of imposing doors close in rapid succession behind him to seal off his hideout]''
:'''Blossom''': Come on, girls, we've got one last monkey to get off our backs!
:''[They zoom forwards, easily crashing through Mojo Jojo's defenses and standing at the ready in front of their nemesis, who has the Professor in a headlock]''
:'''Girls''': Not so fast, Mojo Jojo!
:'''Mojo Jojo''': ''[mockingly]'' Oohh, look at the little heroes, here to save their daddy.
:'''Professor''': ''[straining]'' No, girls, save yourselves!
:'''Bubbles''': Sorry, Professor!
:'''Buttercup''': We can take this chump-chimp down easily!
:'''Blossom''': There's nothing he can do to stop us!
:''[Mojo Jojo twists the Professor's neck further, causing a nasty grinding noise, and making the Professor yelp out in pain. The girls gasp and stop. Hatred is written all over their eyes. Mojo Jojo had proven Blossom's taunt wrong as he has every intention to snap the Professor's neck and kill him if the Girls try to attack him while the Professor is still his hostage]''
:'''Mojo Jojo''': That's better. It's good you little freaks know when you're beaten. Now if you'll excuse me, I, Mojo Jojo, have a town to take over. I have a world to rule! I have to seize control of an area, and force its inhabitants to follow my way of thinking!
:''[He presses a button on his control panel, and the glass globes begin to spin again. Another vat of Chemical X spews from the machine and drains into the spheres as before. He punches a set of keys]''
:'''Mojo Jojo''': Even if it means…
:''[Pause for effect. He plunges the needle into his own brains]''
:'''Mojo Jojo''': '''''TAKING EXTREME MEASURES!'''''
:''[The girls gasp]''
:'''Girls''': You wouldn't!
:'''Mojo Jojo''': I ''would!''
:''[He jams a lever, and all the containers of Chemical X pour directly into his brain. He lets out a primal cry, as his features bulge out in exaggerated proportions and he grows exponentially, sending him crashing through the roof of the observatory. He loses his grip on the screaming Professor, sending him falling downwards amidst the debris]''
:'''Bubbles''': Professor!
:''[As Blossom catches him, the debris collapses on top of them and the Professor. Mojo Jojo is now a giant]''
:'''Mojo Jojo''': '''''''NOW I'M MORE MOJO THAN BEFORE!''''''' 
:''[He leaps to the ground amidst the flames of the city, fully half as tall as the tallest skyscrapers, and walks down its shattered streets and burning buildings. He stops in front of Town Hall, addressing the peons on the grounds below with a slow and commanding voice]''
:'''Mojo Jojo''': Now, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, I, Mojo Jojo, have succeeded in my first, greatest, and most brilliant plan ever! And I, Mojo Jojo, '''''SHALL BE KING!'''''
:''[He lifts his arms high in triumph]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The girls fly back to Town Hall, and give Mojo Jojo a good smack in the jaw just as he was about to eat an innocent civilian or two, catching him by complete surprise]''
:'''Blossom''': Surrender now, and we'll go easy on you!
:''[Mojo Jojo takes this in, rubbing his jaw, looking for the source of the interruption]''
:'''Blossom''': Down here!
:'''Mojo Jojo''': Oh, my! You're actually trying to stop me? That's so cute!
:'''Bubbles''': Try nothing!
:'''Blossom''': We ''will'' stop you!
:'''Buttercup''': Who are you calling &quot;cute&quot;?!?!?
:''[Mojo Jojo laughs mockingly]''
:'''Mojo Jojo''': OK, let's play!
:''[He lands a punch to the spot where the girls were, but they zoom away and land a few hits to his face. He tries to catch them, but they are too small and fast for his large bulky frame. Buttercup even runs between his ears, making a large bell sound, then smacks him into the butt, sending him into the air. As she laughs, Mojo Jojo simply alights himself and smashes her into the ground with his foot. The other two girls stop]''
:'''Blossom''': Buttercup!
:''[Mojo Jojo takes advantage of their hesitation to smack them into a rooftop. Buttercup emerges from Mojo Jojo's foot, angry as can be. She punches in and breaks all of the toes on his left foot. In the meantime, the other two girls emerge, and in a spiral formation, smack into Mojo Jojo's midsection, sending him hurtling back doubled over. As he strikes a tall building, it collapses on him, his arms and legs sticking out]''
:'''Blossom''': Good job, girls!
:'''Buttercup''': ''[Japanese accent]'' Hah, that more Mojo is ''no'' more!
:''[They laugh. Mojo Jojo alights himself, and leaping forward he grabs hold of Buttercup and Blossom in opposing hands]''
:'''Bubbles''': GIRLS!!
:''[The two girls scream out in pain as Mojo squeezes, glancing between the two. Bubbles rushes forward, and (in Star Wars A-wing style and sound) shoots rapid-fire laser beams at Mojo Jojo, causing him to cry out in pain and releasing her two sisters. The girls resume their cat-and-mouse game amidst Mojo Jojo, and once again unable to catch them, Mojo Jojo lets out a primal yell and claps his hands together loudly. The resulting shockwave blasts the girls spiraling backward. They do a few backflips on a city street and reorient themselves]''
:'''Buttercup''': Somebody's mad.
:''[Mojo Jojo springs forward, unleashing a barrage of black pointed thorns at the girls]''
:'''Blossom''': Look out!
:''[They narrowly avoid a set of spikes. Mojo Jojo targets Blossom as she runs as fast as she can from the onslaught, just staying in front of the line of fire. But the same dog is in her way now, and she feels obligated to protect it. Failing her arms in rapid fire, she deflects all of the thorns from herself and her hapless canine companion, yelling out in fury. Bubbles and Buttercup are hiding nearby under the refuge of an empty bus]''
:'''Bubbles''': Oh, no, look! Mojo's got Blossom pinned down!
:'''Buttercup''': I have an idea, come on!
:''[Buttercup and Bubbles lay the bus vertically in front of Blossom. Blossom stops yelling. The bus absorbs all of the thorny blows. After a few moments, the assault stops. The dog simply walks off. Buttercup dodges the last few spikes, ending up on the ground with her sisters. There is silence for a moment: Buttercup and Blossom cautiously look up, while Bubbles opens her eyes after keeping them shut in order to protect herself from the spikes]''
:'''Bubbles''': Do you think he's finished? 
:''[Mojo Jojo has risen up behind the bus]''
:'''Mojo Jojo''': No, ''you'' are!
:''[He breathes fire on them. A following shot shows the girls, hands together, screaming in pain as the fiery flames scorch them badly. As the attack stops, the girls are still alive, but unconscious. Mojo grabs the scorched and weakened girls in his hand]''
:'''Mojo Jojo''': Fools! You dare to challenge ME?! Attempt to defeat ME?! Try to destroy ME?! ''[climbs a building while gripping the girls in a [[w:King Kong|King Kong]] like manner]'' I who saved you from certain death?! After all I've done for you, YOU BETRAY ME?! AND WHY?! ''[rips open the building's side, revealing a group of scared citizens]'' For ''them?'' The ones who hated you? Have forsaken you? ''[as he keeps climbing and reaches the spire at the top. The girls’ eyes are shut tight.]'' Can't you see? None of them will ever understand you as I can, for we are kindred spirits whose powers spring from the same source. So girls, do not make me destroy you! For we are smarter! We are stronger! We are invincible! ''We'' have the power! ''WE'' '''ARE SUPERIOR TO''' ''THEM!'' '''''AND WE SHALL RULE!''''' All we have to do is work together. Girls... ''join me.''
:''[Long pause as the girls shake furiously in Mojo Jojo's fist before breaking themselves free]''
:'''Girls''': '''''NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!'''''
:''[They proceed to beat him up]''
:'''Blossom''': We'd never join you! And it’s ''because'' we are stronger!
:'''Bubbles''': ''Because'' we are invincible!
:'''Buttercup''': ''Because'' we have the power!
:'''Girls''': ''WE'' '''HAVE TO PROTECT''' ''THEM'' '''FROM''' ''YOU!''
:'''Blossom''': It’s ''YOU'' who is to be feared!
:'''Bubbles''': Cause you ''ARE'' a monster!
:'''Buttercup''': You ''ARE'' evil!
:'''Girls''': '''''AND YOU!...ARE!...''''' ''[tap him on the side]'' ...it!
:''[This small tap knocks Mojo Jojo off balance, and flailing with one arm, the tower he is grasping with the other breaks apart, sending the super-sized simian falling towards the ground, similar to the ending of [[w:King Kong (1933 film)|King Kong]]]''
:'''Mojo Jojo''': ''[last words; screaming]'' '''''CURRRRRSEEEESSSSSSS...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'''''
:'''Professor''': ''[rapid-fire talking]'' Girls! Girls, where are you?! You were right! We should try and stop Mojo, and I know how! I whipped up an antidote to Chemical X! It will do away with his powers! Girls! Girls! Gir--
:''[The Professor looks upward at Mojo Jojo plummeting toward him]''
:'''Girls''': ''[alarmed]'' '''''PROFESSOR!'''''
:''[The girls save the professor as Mojo Jojo falls on the Antidote X, shrinking him back to normal as he moans in pain]''
:'''Professor''': ''[hugging the girls]'' Oh, girls! I’m so sorry for doubting you. You are good! Good, perfect little girls, and I love you!
:'''Girls''': We love you, too!
:'''Blossom''': And we’re really sorry.
:'''Buttercup''': We messed up really bad.
:'''Bubbles''': But we’re ready, Professor.
:'''Professor''': &quot;Ready&quot;?
:'''Blossom''': To take the Antidote X to get rid of our powers.
:'''Bubbles''': If it wasn’t for them, none of this would have happened.
:'''Buttercup''': Besides, maybe everyone would like us more if we were just normal little girls.
:'''Townspeople''': '''''NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!'''''
:'''Girls''': Huh?
:'''Mayor''': Umm, well… uhh… don’t do that, ‘cause… that was pretty cool, with the… uhh…
:'''Ms. Bellum''': Girls, I think what the Mayor is trying to say is, we’re sorry and thank you.
:'''Ms. Keane''': Yes, that was super! Just super!
:'''Man 1''': Amazing!
:'''Baby lady''': Fantastic!
:'''Man 2''': Wonderful!
:'''Jamaican Lady''': Stupendous!
:'''Jay and Bob look-alikes''': You rock!
:'''Talking Dog''': Thank you.
:'''Mayor''': Oh, yeah! That was awesome! You were all flying, and running, and then... ''[imitating laser blasts]'' laser eyes! Then, grr! Bam! And then... ''[laser blasts]'' and then BAM! You punched that guy! Ehh, remember? Yeah, that was great. Ya know, this town stinks. And I was wondering if maybe sometime we could like call you.. to save the day or whatever.
:'''Girls''': ''[gasping]'' Can we, Professor?!
:'''Professor''': Well, I don’t know. Hmm... okay! But only if it’s before your bedtime.
:''[The girls fly into the air cheering as the townsfolk applaud]''
:'''Girls''': '''''YAYYYYYYY!!!!!!'''''
:''[The crowd cheers and whistles]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Fade in to the sun in a clear blue sky—a day some time after these events—and tilt down to the exterior of Malph’s, which has been fixed up. An old woman pushes a shopping cart across the parking lot, but is stopped by Ace’s hand seizing its front. His four buddies are with him. Cut to the Mayor at his desk, with Ms. Bellum standing nearby; he is signing a document]''
:'''Old woman''': ''[from outside, distant]'' Help!
:''[he looks to his assistant, who points out across the room. Pull back to show, at a distance in that direction, the familiar happy-face hotline on a stand. Cut to the Pokey Oaks Kindergarten classroom, which has been entirely repaired and is once again a happy place for the girls and their classmates. Pan quickly to the front of the room, where an identical phone sits on a stand and starts to buzz. The girls look toward it, ready for action, and everyone falls silent. Back to the parking lot of Malph’s. Billy is eating the old woman’s food, Ace and Snake are having a tug-of-war over her purse, and Arturo and Grubber are menacing her. Empty snack and pizza boxes lie near the overturned cart. The sound of something drifting in causes all five hoodlums to look up, scared; cut to their perspective—the girls are on the scene and smiling wickedly down at them. A tense silence ensues and is broken by three quick shots of the Gang getting what they have coming to them. Blossom punches out Ace, Bubbles split-kicks Snake and Grubber, and Buttercup hurls Arturo into Billy, sending both flying. Cut to a jail cell in which the unconscious Gang has been dumped in a heap; they share it with Fuzzy and Mojo Jojo, the latter now clad only in a pair of underwear. The door slides shut on the group. Note: The old “Kilroy was here” drawing can be seen on the wall next to Mojo Jojo. Overhead view of the jail, with two cops waving. Tilt up to follow the girls as they fly away, waving back. The narrator returns for the closing dialogue]''
:'''Narrator''': Sugar, spice, and everything nice! These were the ingredients chosen to create the perfect little girl. But Professor Utonium accidentally added an extra ingredient to the concoction: Chemical X! Thus, Blossom, Bubbles, and Buttercup were born! Using their ultra-super powers, they've dedicated their lives to fighting crime and the forces of evil!
:''[The girls plow into the Professor and laugh; cuts to the end shot]''
:'''Narrator''': ''[last lines]'' And so, for the very first time, the day was saved! Thanks to... ''[the girls appear as he gives them their name]'' ...The Powerpuff Girls! Hey, that's a good name for them! Powerpuff Girls! Yeah! I like that! Wonder if they will? I'll run it by them. Powerpuff Girls! Mmm-hmm.

== Cast ==
* [[w:Cathy Cavadini|Catherine Cavadini]] — Blossom
* [[w:Tara Strong|Tara Strong]] — Bubbles
* [[w:E. G. Daily|E.G. Daily]] — Buttercup
* [[w:Roger L. Jackson|Roger L. Jackson]] — Mojo Jojo
* [[w:Tom Kane|Tom Kane]] — Professor Utonium
* [[Tom Kenny]] — Narrator, Mayor, Mitch Mitchelson, Cha-Ching Cha-Ching, Cruncha Muncha, Snake, Li'l Arthuro, Pappy Wappy
* [[w:Jennifer Hale|Jennifer Hale]] — Ms. Keane
* [[w:Jennifer Martin|Jennifer Martin]] — Ms. Bellum
* [[w:Jeff Bennett|Jeffrey Bennett]] — Ace, Big Billy, Grubber, Baboon Kaboom, Go Go Po-Trol, Hacha Chacha
* [[Grey DeLisle]] — Linda, Woman at Zoo
* [[Phil LaMarr]] — I.P. Host, Local Anchor
* [[w:Rob Paulsen|Rob Paulsen]] — Killa Drilla, Hotta Watta, Doot Da Doot Da Doo Doos, Blah-Blah Blah-Blah, Wacko Smacko
* [[w:Kevin Michael Richardson|Kevin Michael Richardson]] — Rocko Socko, Ojo Tango
* [[Frank Welker]] — Talking Dog, Whole Lotta Monkeys, Rolo Ovo, Bonzo Bango

== External Links ==
{{wikipedia}}

{{The Powerpuff Girls}}

{{Authority control}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Powerpuff Girls Movie, The}}
[[Category:2002 animated films]]
[[Category:2002 American animated films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated action films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comic science fiction films]]
[[Category:American children's animated superhero films]]
[[Category:Theatrically released animated superhero films]]
[[Category:American children's animated drama films]]
[[Category:Animated buddy films]]
[[Category:Prequel films]]
[[Category:The Powerpuff Girls]]
[[Category:Films based on animated television series]]
[[Category:Animated films about revenge]]
[[Category:Animated films about sisters]]
[[Category:Cartoon Network films]]
[[Category:Works about women]]
[[Category:Films about size change]]
[[Category:Cult films]]
[[Category:Animated films about father–daughter relationships]]
[[Category:2000s English-language films]]
[[Category:Animated superheroine films]]
[[Category:Animated films about apes]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Maeve Binchy</title>
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      <comment>−[[Category:Women from Ireland]]; ±[[Category:Women authors]]→[[Category:Women authors from Ireland]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]]</comment>
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      <text bytes="5227" sha1="c6k9rgbq1n06l5qoawbrhpca22x3pq0" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Binchy33.jpg|thumb|right|I write exactly as I speak, so therefore I would not say any writer influenced me at all.]]
'''[[w:Maeve Binchy|Maeve Binchy Snell]]''' ([[May 28]] [[1939]] – [[July 30]] [[2012]]) was a bestselling Irish novelist, playwright, short story writer, columnist and speaker best known for her humorous take on small-town life in Ireland, her descriptive characters, her interest in human nature and her often clever surprise endings.

==Quotes==
* I write exactly as I speak, so therefore I would not say any writer influenced me at all.
** When asked about her influences. [http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2008/jun/10/maevebinchy guardian.co.uk]

* I don't say I was 'proceeding down a thoroughfare', I say I 'walked down the road'. I don't say I 'passed a hallowed institute of learning', I say I 'passed a school'. You don't wear all your jewellery at once. You're much more believable if you talk in your own voice.
** On her secret to writing. [http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-19057922 bbc.co.uk]

* It's like if you don't go to a dance you can never be rejected but you'll never get to dance either.
** On having her first book rejected again and again. [http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-19057922 bbc.co.uk]

* (A) writer, a man I loved and he loved me and we got married and it was great and is still great. He believed I could do anything, just as my parents had believed all those years ago, and I started to write fiction and that took off fine. And he loved Ireland, and the fax was invented so we writers could live anywhere we liked, instead of living in London near publishers.
** On [[w:Gordon Snell|Gordon Snell]], her husband. [http://www.irishtimes.com/newspaper/frontpage/2012/0731/1224321158054.html irishtimes.com]

* Suddenly they asked me, as only the French would, ‘Madame, what is your philosophy of life?’ What a cosmic question, but I had to answer, and answer quickly, because it was live. So I said, in French, ‘I think that you’ve got to play the hand that you’re dealt and stop wishing for another hand.’
** Recalling being invited to appear on French TV on what she described as “a terrifying serious program about books”. [http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/popular-irish-author-maeve-binchy-dies-72-article-1.1125516?localLinksEnabled=false nydailynews.com]

* I once tried to write a novel about revenge. It's the only book I didn't finish. I couldn't get into the mind of the person who was plotting vengeance.
** [http://shelf-life.ew.com/2012/07/31/circle-of-friends-author-maeve-binchy-dies/ shelf-life.ew.com]

* I often wonder that if I had met Hitler, I reckon I might have found some streak of decency in him.
** On her preference for issues that could be argued with from either side. [http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/popular-irish-author-maeve-binchy-dies-72-article-1.1125516?pgno=1 nydailynews.com]

* On my 100th birthday, piloting Gordon and myself into the side of a mountain.
** When asked in 1995 how she would like to die. [http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/1995/jul/22/fiction.maevebinchy?INTCMP=ILCNETTXT3487 guardian.co.uk]

==Quotes about Binchy==

* She had time for everybody. Perhaps because her stories came from all of us and for all of us.
** [[w:Ian Rankin|Ian Rankin]], [http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2012/jul/31/maeve-binchy-irish-writer-dies?newsfeed=true guardian.co.uk]

* A darling
** [[Jilly Cooper]], [http://news.bbc.co.uk/today/hi/today/newsid_9741000/9741714.stm bbc.co.uk]

* She rearranged a whole wall of books so it was completely full of Irish writers. She didn't look like she was any trouble so no one caught her.
** [[w:Marian Keyes|Marian Keyes]] recalling a trip to an airport shop. [http://www.independent.ie/lifestyle/independent-woman/celebrity-news-gossip/maeve-binchy-warm-tributes-paid-to-beloved-dalkey-author-on-her-death-after-illness-3186317.html independent.ie]

* She had that great gift of making you feel life was worth living. A very, very special person.
** [[w:Jeffrey Archer|Jeffrey Archer]],  [http://www.independent.ie/lifestyle/independent-woman/celebrity-news-gossip/maeve-binchy-warm-tributes-paid-to-beloved-dalkey-author-on-her-death-after-illness-3186317.html independent.ie]

* She was charming, intelligent, warm, generous in her time, with her effort, with her work. I just had the greatest of respect for her because she suffered badly from [[w:arthritis|arthritis]], and she had a lot of pain, and she never complained, you know.
** [[w:Brenda Fricker|Brenda Fricker]],  [http://www.independent.ie/lifestyle/independent-woman/celebrity-news-gossip/maeve-binchy-warm-tributes-paid-to-beloved-dalkey-author-on-her-death-after-illness-3186317.html independent.ie]

==External links==
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    <title>Helena Blavatsky</title>
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      <text bytes="51254" sha1="t6kqeh6gfq28wn1a8id2gev312k0pvr" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Blavatsky.013.jpg|thumb|The function of Theosophists is to open men’s hearts and understandings to charity, justice, and generosity, attributes which belong specifically to the human kingdom and are natural to man when he has developed the qualities of a human being.]]
[[File:HP Blavatsky.jpg|thumb|There is often greater martyrdom to live for the love of, whether man or an ideal, than to die&quot; is a motto of the [[w:Mahātmā|Mahatmas]]]]
[[File:Blavatsky Olcott Mavalankar.jpg|thumb|We are laboring for the brighter morrow.  And yet, when we consider the bitter opposition that we are called upon to face, who is better entitled than we upon entering the arena to write upon our shield the hail of the Roman gladiator to Caesar: Moriturus te Salutât!]]
[[File:Blavatsky Pryse Mead.jpg|thumb| Were it possible, we would keep this work out of the hands of many Christians whom its perusal would not benefit, and for whom it was not written]]
[[File:Blavatsky.019.jpg|thumb|I speak &quot;with absolute certainty&quot; only so far as my own personal belief is concerned. Those who have not the same warrant for their belief as I have, would be very credulous and foolish to accept it on blind faith. Nor does the writer believe any more than her correspondent and his friends in any &quot;authority&quot; let alone &quot;divine revelation&quot;!]]
'''[[w:Helena Petrovna Blavatsky|Helena Petrovna Blavatsky]]''' (Russian: Елена Петровна Блаватская, Yelena Petrovna Blavatskaya, often known as Madame Blavatsky; née von Hahn; Ukrainian: Олена Петрівна Блаватська, Olena Petrivna Blavatska; 12 August [O.S. 31 July] 1831 – 8 May 1891), better known as &quot;Helena Blavatsky&quot; or &quot;Madame Blavatsky&quot;, was an [[w:occultism|occultist]], [[w:mediumship|spirit medium]], and author who co-founded the [[w:Theosophical Society|Theosophical Society]] in 1875. She gained an international following as the leading theoretician of [[Theosophy]], the [[w:Western esotericism|esoteric]] movement that the Society promoted. Blavatsky was a controversial figure during her lifetime, championed by supporters as an enlightened [[Sage (philosophy)|Sage]] and derided as a charlatan by critics. Her Theosophical doctrines influenced the spread of [[Hinduism|Hindu]] and [[Buddhism|Buddhist ideas]] in the West as well as the development of Western [[Esotericism|esoteric]] currents like [[Anthroposophy]], and the [[New Age]] Movement.

== Quotes ==
* The possible truths, hazily perceived in the world of abstraction, like those inferred from observation and experiment in the world of matter, are forced upon the profane multitudes, too busy to think for themselves, under the form of Divine revelation and scientific authority. But the same question stands open from the days of [[Socrates]] and [[w:Pontius Pilate|Pilate]] down to our own age of wholesale negation: is there such a thing as absolute truth in the hands of any one party or man? Reason answers, &quot;there cannot be.&quot; There is no room for absolute truth upon any subject whatsoever, in a world as finite and conditioned as man is himself. But there are relative truths, and we have to make the best we can of them.
** [http://www.katinkahesselink.net/squote/l37.html ''Lucifer''] (February 1888)

*I ask you also to remember that, on this important occasion, my voice is but the feeble echo of other more sacred voices, and the transmitter of the approval of Those whose presence is alive in more than one true Theosophical heart, and lives, as I know, preeminently in yours. May the assembled Society feel the warm greeting as earnestly as it is given, and may every Fellow present, who realizes that he has deserved it, profit by the Blessings sent...&lt;BR&gt;It must be remembered... that it (Theosophical Society) was intended to stem the current of [[materialism]]... For by “materialism” is meant not only an anti-philosophical negation of pure spirit, and, even more, materialism in conduct and action — brutality, hypocrisy, and, above all, selfishness — but also the fruits of a disbelief in all but material things, a disbelief which has increased enormously during the last century...&lt;BR&gt;The function of Theosophists is to open men’s hearts and understandings to [[charity]], [[justice]], and [[generosity]], attributes which belong specifically to the human kingdom and are natural to man when he has developed the qualities of a human being. Theosophy teaches the animal-man to be a human-man; and when people have learnt to think and feel as truly human beings should feel and think, they will act [[Humane|humanely]], and works of charity, [[justice]], and [[generosity]] will be done [[Spontaneous|spontaneously]] by all.
**[[H. P. Blavatsky]]’s [https://www.theosophy.world/resource/h-p-blavatskys-letter-1888-american-convention ''Letter To The 1888 American Convention''],(from the first paragraph)   London, April 3, 1888 

* &quot;There is often greater martyrdom to live for the love of, whether man or an ideal, than to die&quot; is a motto of the [[w:Mahātmā|Mahatmas]]. 
** [http://www.katinkahesselink.net/blavatsky/articles/v4/y1883_092.htm ''Collected Writings,'' vol. IV, p. 603 (October 1889)]

* There is no religion higher than truth.
**Motto of the Theosophical Society. See for instance: [http://www.katinkahesselink.net/blavatsky/articles/v6/y1884_016.htm Blavatsky Collected Writings, Volume 6, p. 168]

* [[w:Maitreya|Maitreya]] is the secret name of the Fifth Buddha, and the Kalki Avatar of the Brahmins - the last Messiah who will come at the culmination of the Great Cycle.
** Secret Doctrine I, p. 384

*We are in the [[Kali Yuga]] [Sanskrit term meaning Dark Age] and its fatal influence is a thousand-fold more powerful in the West than it is in the East; hence the easy preys made by the Powers of the Age of Darkness  in this cyclic struggle, and the many [[delusions]] under which the world is now laboring. One of these is the relative facility with which men fancy they can get at the &quot;Gate&quot; and cross the threshold of [[Occultism]] without any great [[sacrifice]]. It is the dream of most [[Theosophy|Theosophists]], one inspired by desire for Power and personal [[selfishness]], and it is not such feelings that can ever lead them to the coveted goal. For, as well said by one believed to have sacrificed himself for [[Humanity]]--&quot;Strait is the gate and narrow is the way which leadeth unto life&quot; eternal, and therefore &quot;few there be that find it.&quot; ([[Matthew]] 7:14) So strait indeed, that at the bare mention of some of the preliminary difficulties the affrighted Western candidates turn back and retreat with a shudder... Let them stop here and attempt no more in their great weakness. For if, while turning their backs on the narrow gate, they are dragged by their desire for the Occult one step in the direction of the broad and more inviting gates of that golden mystery which glitters in the light of illusion, [[woe]] to them!
**[http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/17009 ''Studies in Occultism''], (1888)

* Nothing of that which is conducive to help man, collectively or individually, to live — not &quot;happily&quot; — but less unhappily in this world, ought to be indifferent to the Theosophist-Occultist. It is no concern of his whether his help benefits a man in his worldly or spiritual progress; his first duty is to be ever ready to help if he can, without stopping to philosophize.
** [http://www.katinkahesselink.net/blavatsky/articles/v11/y1889_065.htm ''Collected Writings,'' vol. XI, p. 465 (October 1889)]

* I speak &quot;with absolute certainty&quot; only so far as my own personal belief is concerned. Those who have not the same warrant for their belief as I have, would be very credulous and foolish to accept it on blind faith. Nor does the writer believe any more than her correspondent and his friends in any &quot;authority&quot; let alone &quot;divine revelation&quot;!
** [http://www.katinkahesselink.net/blavatsky/articles/v11/y1889_065.htm ''Collected Writings,'' vol. XI, p. 466 (October, 1889)]
[[File:Maitreya Buddha, Ladakh.jpg|thumb|[[w:Maitreya|Maitreya]] is the secret name of the Fifth Buddha, and the Kalki Avatar of the Brahmins - the last Messiah who will come at the culmination of the Great Cycle. ~(''[[The Secret Doctrine|The Secret Doctrine]] I'', p. 384)]]
[[File:H.P.Blavatsky_1887.jpg|thumb|We are in the [[Kali Yuga]]  [Sanskrit term meaning Dark Age] and its fatal influence is a thousand-fold more powerful in the West than it is in the East; hence the easy preys made by the Powers of the Age of Darkness  in this cyclic struggle, and the many [[delusions]] under which the world is now laboring. One of these is the relative facility with which men fancy they can get at the &quot;Gate&quot; and cross the threshold of [[Occultism]] without any great [[sacrifice]].  ~[http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/17009 ''Studies in Occultism''],]]

=== ''[[Isis Unveiled|Isis Unveiled]]: A Master-Key to the  Mysteries of Ancient and Modern Science and Theology'' (1877)===
&lt;small&gt; &lt;small&gt; (Full text online,  [https://www.theosociety.org/pasadena/isis/iu-hp.htm htm], + [https://archive.org/details/in.ernet.dli.2015.90215  multiple formats])&lt;/small&gt;&lt;/small&gt;
{{main|Isis Unveiled}}

===''[[The Secret Doctrine]]  Volume I &amp; II'' (1888) ===
{{main|The Secret Doctrine}}

===''Practical Occultism'' (1888)===
&lt;small&gt;[https://archive.org/details/practicalocculti015153mbp/page/n1/mode/2up   (full text)]&lt;/small&gt;

*How, then, can it be thought possible for a man to enter the “straight gate” of [[occultism]] when his daily and hourly thoughts are bound up with worldly things, desires of possession and power, with lust, ambition, and duties which, however honorable, are still of the earth...? Even the love for wife and family — the purest as the most unselfish of human affections is a barrier to real occultism... What lover... would not break the happiness of every other man and woman around him to satisfy the desire of one whom he loves? This is but natural... in the light of the code of human affections; less so, in that of divine universal [[love]]. p. 60

*For, while the [[heart]] is full of thoughts for a little group of selves, near and dear to us, how shall the rest of mankind fare in our souls? What percentage of love and care will there remain to bestow on the [[Humanity|“great orphan]]”? And how shall the “still small voice” make itself heard in a soul entirely occupied with its own privileged tenants? What room is there left for the needs of Humanity en bloc...? He who would profit by the wisdom of the universal mind, has to reach it through the whole of Humanity without distinction of race, complexion, religion, or social status. It is [[altruism]], not ego-ism even in its most legal and noble conception, that can lead the unit to merge its little Self in the Universal Selves. It is... to this work that the true disciple of true Occultism has to devote himself if he would obtain... divine Wisdom and Knowledge. p. 62

===''The Key to Theosophy'' (1889)===
&lt;small&gt;[http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/55618 (full text)]&lt;/small&gt;

*The purpose of this book is exactly expressed in its title, “The Key to Theosophy,” and needs but few words of explanation. It is not a complete or exhaustive text-book of [[Theosophy]], but only a key to unlock the door that leads to the deeper study.

*HPB:...Theosophy is Divine Knowledge or Science... &quot;Divine Wisdom,&quot; (Theosophia) or Wisdom of the [[gods]], as (theogonia), genealogy of the gods. The word theos means a god in Greek, one of the divine beings, certainly not &quot;God&quot; in the sense attached in our day to the term. Therefore, it is not &quot;Wisdom of God,&quot; as translated by some, but Divine Wisdom such as that possessed by the gods. The term is many thousand years old... It comes to us from the Alexandrian philosophers, called lovers of truth, Philaletheians, from phil &quot;loving,&quot; and aletheia &quot;truth.&quot; The name Theosophy dates from the third century of our era, and began with [[W:Ammonius Saccas|Ammonius Saccas]] and his disciples, who started the Eclectic Theosophical system.

*Our age, we say, is inferior in Wisdom to any other, because it professes, more visibly every day, contempt for [[truth]] and [[justice]], without which there can be no Wisdom. Because our civilization, built up of shams and appearances, is at best like a beautiful green morass, a bog, spread over a deadly quagmire. Because this century of culture and [[materialism|worship of matter]], while offering prizes and premiums for every &quot;best thing&quot; under the Sun, from the biggest baby and the largest orchid down to the strongest pugilist and the fattest pig, has no encouragement to offer to [[morality]]; no prize to give for any moral [[virtue]].

*Because it has Societies for the prevention of physical cruelty to animals, and none with the object of preventing the moral cruelty practiced on human beings. Because it encourages, legally and tacitly, [[Vices|vice]] under every form, from the sale of [[whiskey]] down to [[Human trafficking|forced prostitution]] and [[theft]] brought on by [[Wage slavery|starvation wages]]...

*This is the age which, although proclaimed as one of physical and moral freedom, is in truth the age of the most ferocious moral and mental slavery, the like of which was never known before. 

*Slavery to State and men has disappeared only to make room for slavery to things and Self, to one's own vices and idiotic social customs and ways. Rapid civilization, adapted to the needs of the higher and middle classes, has doomed by contrast to only greater wretchedness the [[starving]] masses. 

*That the teachings of neither our modern teachers nor preachers are &quot;wisdom from above&quot; is fully demonstrated. It is proved not by any personal incorrectness in their statements or mistakes in life, for &quot;to err is but human,&quot; but by incontrovertible facts.
	
*Children should above all be taught [[self-reliance]], [[love]] for all men, [[altruism]], mutual [[charity]], and more than anything else, to think and reason for themselves... Aim at creating [[free]] men and women, free intellectually, free morally, unprejudiced in all respects, and above all things, [[Selfishness|unselfish]].

*Wisdom and Truth are synonymous terms, and that which is false or well-known representative of the [[Church of England]], that the [[Sermon on the Mount|Sermon of the Mount]] would, in its practical application, mean utter ruin for his country less than three weeks;

*To doubt the exalted wisdom of the religion of... the Church of England, or again of our great modern scientists, is to sin against the Holy Ghost and Culture.  Woe unto him who refuses to recognize the World's &quot;Elect.&quot;...their  &quot;wisdom&quot; is at best -- &quot;terrestrial, psychic, devilish.&quot;

*Valuing freedom of [[thought]] above all things as the only way of reaching at some future time that Wisdom, of which every Theosophist ought to be enamored, we recognize the right to the same freedom in our foes as in our friends. 

*[We do not]... blame, but rather pity, in our innermost heart, the &quot;wise men&quot; of our age for trying to carry out the only policy that will keep them on the pinnacle of their [[Authority|&quot;authority&quot;]]; as they could not, if even they would, act otherwise and preserve their [[prestige]] with the masses, or escape from being speedily outcast by their colleagues. 

*The origin of all [[Religion|religions]] -- [[Judeo-Christian|Judaeo-Christianity]] included -- is to be found in a few primeval truths, not one of which can be explained apart from all the others, as each is a complement of the rest in some one detail. And they are all, more or less, broken rays of the same Sun of truth, and their beginnings have to be sought in the archaic records of the [[Ageless Wisdom teachings|Wisdom-religion]]. Without the light of the latter, the greatest scholars can see but the skeletons thereof covered with masks of fancy

*Thus, what with several generations of most active Church Fathers ever working at the destruction of old documents and the preparation of new passages to be interpolated in those which happened to survive, there remains of the [[Gnosticism|Gnostics]] -- the legitimate offspring of the Archaic Wisdom-religion -- but a few unrecognizable shreds.

*Those who translate Pistis by &quot;[[Faith]],&quot; are utterly wrong. The word &quot;faith&quot; as grace or something to be believed in through unreasoned or blind faith, is a word that dates only since [[Christianity]].

*We hold that a good book which gives people food for [[thought]], which strengthens and clears their [[Mind|minds]], and enables them to grasp [[Truth|truths]] which they have dimly felt but could not formulate—we hold that such a book does a real, substantial [[Goodness|good]]. 

*You must bear in mind how many powerful adversaries we have aroused ever since the formation of our Society... Intrinsically, Theosophy is the most serious movement of this age; and one, moreover, which threatens the very life of most of the time-honoured humbugs, prejudices, and social evils of the day — those evils which fatten and make happy the upper ten and their imitators and sycophants, the wealthy dozens of the middle classes, while they positively crush and starve out of existence the millions of the poor. 

*We have to contend against... the hatred of the Spiritualists... the constant opposition of the clergy of all denominations... especially the relentless hatred and persecution of the missionaries in India.

*To this day no one seems even to feel quite certain whether the Theosophists are a kind of Serpent-and-Devil worshipers, or simply “Esoteric Buddhists”—whatever that may mean. It was useless for us to go on denying, day after day and year after year, every kind of inconceivable cock-and-bull stories about us; for, no sooner was one disposed of, than another, a still more absurd and malicious one, was born out of the ashes of the first.

*So long as the T.S. has a few devoted members willing to work for it without reward and thanks, so long as a few good Theosophists support it with occasional donations, so long will it exist, and nothing can crush it.&lt;BR&gt;Enquirer: I have heard many Theosophists speak of a “power behind the Society” and of certain “[[Masters of Wisdom|Mahatmas]],” mentioned also in [[A. P. Sinnett|Mr. Sinnett’s works]], that are said to have founded the Society, to watch over and protect it.&lt;BR&gt;HPB: You may laugh, but it is so.

*We call them [[Masters of Wisdom|“Masters”]] because they are our teachers; and because from them we have derived all the Theosophical truths, however inadequately some of us may have expressed, and others understood, them. They are men of great learning, whom we term Initiates, and still greater holiness of life. They are not ascetics in the ordinary sense, though they certainly remain apart from the turmoil and strife of your western world.

*The Society will live on into and through the twentieth century. It will gradually leaven and permeate the great mass of thinking and intelligent people with its large-minded and noble ideas of [[Religion]], [[Duty]], and [[Philanthropy]]. Slowly but surely it will burst asunder the iron fetters of creeds and dogmas, of social and caste prejudices; it will break down racial and national antipathies and barriers, and will open the way to the practical realization of the Brotherhood of all men. 

*Through its teaching, through the philosophy which it has rendered accessible and intelligible to the modern mind, the West will learn to understand and appreciate the East at its true value. Further, the development of the psychic powers and faculties, the premonitory symptoms of which are already visible in America, will proceed healthily and normally. 

*It is curious to see how [[prophetic]] in almost all things was the writer of  [[Puranas|Vishnu Purâna]] when foretelling to [[w:Maitreya|Maitreya]] some of the dark influences and sins of this [[Kali Yuga|Kali Yug]]. For after saying that the “[[barbarians]]” will be masters of the banks… There will be contemporary monarchs, reigning over the earth— kings of churlish spirit, violent temper, and ever addicted to falsehood and wickedness... Wealth and piety will decrease until the world will be wholly depraved. Property alone will confer rank; wealth will be the only source of devotion; passion will be the sole bond of union between the sexes; falsehood will be the only means of success in litigation; and women will be objects merely of sensual gratification. 

*Mankind will be saved from the terrible dangers, both mental and bodily, which are inevitable when that unfolding takes place, as it threatens to do, in a hot-bed of selfishness and all evil passions. Man’s mental and psychic growth will proceed in harmony with his moral improvement, while his material surroundings will reflect the peace and fraternal goodwill which will reign in his mind, instead of the discord and strife which is everywhere apparent around us today.

===''The Theosophical Glossary'' (1892)===
&lt;small&gt;[http://theosophy.org/Blavatsky/Theosophical%20Glossary/Thegloss.htm (full text)]&lt;/small&gt;

*Adept (Lat.). Adeptus, “He who has obtained.” In Occultism one who has reached the stage of Initiation, and become a Master in the science of Esoteric philosophy.

*[[Aum]] (Sk.). The sacred syllable; the triple-lettered unit; hence the trinity in One.

*Aura (Gr. and Lat.). A subtle invisible essence or fluid that emanates from human and animal bodies and even things. It is a psychic effluvium, partaking of both the mind and the body, as it is the electro-vital, and at the same time an electro-mental aura; called in Theosophy the âkâsic or magnetic aura.

*[[Bodhisattva]] (Sk). Lit., “he, whose essence (sattva) has become intelligence (bodhi)”; those who need but one more incarnation to become perfect Buddhas, i.e., to be entitled to Nirvâna. This, as applied to Manushi (terrestrial) Buddhas. In the metaphysical sense, Bodhisattva is a title given to the sons of the celestial Dhyâni Buddhas.

*[[Buddha]] (Sk.). Lit., “The Enlightened”. The highest degree of knowledge. To become a Buddha one has to break through the bondage of sense and personality; to acquire a complete perception of the REAL SELF and learn not to separate it from all otherselves; to learn by experience the utter unreality of all phenomena of the visible Kosmos foremost of all; to reach a complete detachment from all that is evanescent and finite, and live while yet on Earth in the immortal and the everlasting alone, in a supreme state of holiness.

*[[Clairvoyance]]. The faculty of seeing with the inner eye or spiritual sight. As now used it is a loose and flippant term, embracing under its meaning a happy guess due to natural shrewdness or intuition, and also that faculty which was so remarkably exercised by Jacob Boehme and Swedenborg. Real clairvoyance means the faculty of seeing through the densest matter (the latter disappearing at the will and before the spiritual eye of the Seer), and irrespective of time (past, present and future) or distance.

*[[Gautama Buddha|Buddha Siddhârta]] (Sk.) The name given to Gautama, the Prince of Kapilavastu, at his birth... Gautama, the Buddha, would not have been a mortal man, had he not passed through hundreds and thousands of births previous to his last.... (p. 66) During the years of his mission it is blameless and pure as that of a god—or as the latter should be. He is a perfect example of a divine, godly man. He reached Buddhaship—i.e., complete enlightenment—entirely by his own merit and owing to his own individual exertions, no god being supposed to have any personal merit in the exercise of goodness and holiness. Esoteric teachings claim that he renounced Nirvâna and gave up the Dharmakâya vesture to remain a “Buddha of compassion” within the reach of the miseries of this world.&lt;BR&gt;...The religious philosophy he left... has produced for over 2,000 years generations of good and unselfish men. His is the only absolutely bloodless religion among all the existing religions tolerant and liberal, teaching universal compassion and charity, love and self-sacrifice, poverty and contentment with one’s lot, whatever it may he. No persecutions, and enforcement of faith by fire and sword, have ever disgraced it. No thunder-and-lightning-vomiting god has interfered with its chaste commandments; and if the simple, humane and philosophical code of daily life left to us by the greatest Man-Reformer ever known, should ever come to he adopted by mankind at large, then indeed an era of bliss and peace would dawn on Humanity.  (p. 68)
**[[H.P. Blavatsky]], ''[http://theosophy.org/Blavatsky/Theosophical%20Glossary/Thegloss.htm The Theosophical Glossary,]'' (1892)

*[[Karma]] (Sk.). Physically, action: metaphysically, the LAW OF RETRIBUTION, the Law of cause and effect or Ethical Causation. Nemesis, only in one sense, that of bad Karma. It is the eleventh Nidana in the concatenation of causes and effects in orthodox Buddhism ; yet it is the power that controls all things, the resultant of moral action, the meta physical Samskâra, or the moral effect of an act committed for the attainment of something which gratifies a personal desire. There is the Karma of merit and the Karma of demerit. Karma neither punishes nor rewards, it is simply the one Universal LAW which guides unerringly, and, so to say, blindly, all other laws productive of certain effects along the grooves of their respective causations. When Buddhism teaches that “Karma is that moral kernel (of any being) which alone survives death and continues in transmigration ‘or reincarnation, it simply means that there remains naught after each Personality but the causes produced by it; causes which are undying, i.e., which cannot be eliminated from the Universe until replaced by their legitimate effects, and wiped out by them, so to speak, and such causes—unless compensated during the life of the person who produced them with adequate effects, will follow the reincarnated Ego, and reach it in its subsequent reincarnation until a harmony between effects and causes is fully reestablished.

*[[Lucifer]] (Lat.). The planet Venus, as the bright “Morning Star”. Before Milton, Lucifer had never been a name of the Devil. Quite the reverse, since the Christian Saviour is made to say of himself in Revelations (xvi. 22.) “I am . . . the bright morning star” or Lucifer. One of the early Popes of Rome bore that name; and there was even a Christian sect in the fourth century which was called the Luciferians.

*Magi (Lat.). The name of the ancient hereditary priests and learned adepts in Persia and Media, a word derived from Mâha great, which became later mog or mag, a priest in Pehlevi. Porphyry describes them (Abst. iv. 16) as “The learned men who are engaged among the Persians in the service of the Deity are called Magi”, and Suidas informs us that “among the Persians the lovers of wisdom (philalethai) are called Magi”...

*[[Magic (supernatural)|Magic]]. The great “Science”. According to Deveria and other Orientalists, “magic was considered as a sacred science inseparable from religion” by the oldest and most civilized and learned nations. The Egyptians, for instance, were one of the most sincerely religious nations, as were and still are the Hindus. “Magic consists of, and is acquired by the worship of the gods”, said Plato. Could then a nation, which, owing to the irrefragable evidence of inscriptions and papyri, is proved to have firmly believed in magic for thousands of years, have been deceived for so long a time. And is it likely that generations upon generations of a learned and pious hierarchy, many among whom led lives of self-martyrdom, holiness and asceticism, would have gone on deceiving themselves and the people (or even only the latter) for the pleasure of perpetuating belief in “ miracles”? ...

*[[Mahatma|Mahâtma]]. Lit., “great soul”. An adept of the highest order. Exalted beings who, having attained to the mastery over their lower principles are thus living unimpeded by the “man of flesh”, and are in possession of knowledge and power commensurate with the stage they have reached in their spiritual evolution. Called in Pali Rahats and Arhats.

*[[Maitreya (Theosophy)|Maitreya Buddha]] (Sk.). The same as the Kalki Avatar of Vishnu (the “White Horse” Avatar), and of Sosiosh and other Messiahs... 

* [[Om|Om or Aum]] (Sk.). A mystic syllable, the most solemn of all words in India. It is “an invocation, a benediction, an affirmation and a promise and it is so sacred, as to be indeed the word at low breath of occult, primitive masonry. No one must be near when the syllable is pronounced for a purpose. This word is usually placed at the beginning of sacred Scriptures, and is prefixed to prayers. It is a compound of three letters a,u,m, which, in the popular belief, are typical of the three Vedas, also of three gods—A (Agni) V (Varuna) and M (Maruts) or Fire, Water and Air. In esoteric philosophy these are the three sacred fires, or the “triple fire”in the Universe and Man, besides many other things... 

*[[Paracelsus]]. The symbolical name adopted by the greatest Occultist of the middle ages—Philip Bombastes Aureolus Theophrastus von Hohenheim—born in the canton of Zurich in 1493. He was the cleverest physician of his age, and the most renowned for curing almost any illness by the power of talismans prepared by himself. He never had a friend, but was surrounded by enemies, the most bitter of whom were the Churchmen and their party. That he was accused of being in league with the devil stands to reason, nor is it to be wondered at that finally he was murdered by some unknown foe, at the early age of forty-eight. He died at Salzburg, leaving a number of works behind him, which are to this day greatly valued by the Kabbalists and Occultists. Many of his utterances have proved prophetic. He was a clairvoyant of great powers, one of the most learned and erudite philosophers and mystics, and a distinguished Alchemist. Physics is indebted to him for the discovery of nitrogen gas, or Azote.

*Pre-existence. The term used to denote that we have lived before. The same as [[reincarnation]] in the past. The idea is derided by some, rejected by others, called absurd and inconsistent by the third yet it is the oldest and the most universally accepted belief from an immemorial antiquity. And if this belief was universally accepted by the most subtle philosophical minds of the pre-Christian world, surely it is not amiss that some of our modern intellectual men should also believe in it, or at least give the doctrine the benefit of the doubt. Even the Bible hints at it more than once, St. John the Baptist being regarded as the reincarnation of Elijah, and the Disciples asking whether the blind man was born blind because of his sins, which is equal to saying that he had lived and sinned before being born blind...

*[[Psychology]]. The Science of Soul, in days of old: a Science which served as the unavoidable basis for physiology. Whereas in our modern day, it is psychology that is being based (by our great scientists) upon physiology.

*[[Reincarnation]]. The doctrine of rebirth, believed in by Jesus and the Apostles, as by all men in those days, but denied now by the Christians. All the Egyptian converts to Christianity, Church Fathers and others, believed in this doctrine, as shown by the writings of several. In the still existing symbols, the human-headed bird flying towards a mummy, a body, or “the soul uniting itself with its sahou (glorified body of the Ego, and also the kâmalokic shell) proves this belief. “The song of the Resurrection” chanted by Isis to recall her dead husband to life, might be translated “Song of Rebirth”, as Osiris is collective Humanity. “Oh! Osiris [here follows the name of the Osirified mummy, or the departed], rise again in holy earth (matter), august mummy in the coffin, under thy corporeal substances”, was the funeral prayer of the priest over the deceased. “Resurrection” with the Egyptians never meant the resurrection of the mutilated mummy, but of the Soul that informed it, the Ego in a new body. The putting on of flesh periodically by the Soul or the Ego, was a universal belief; nor can anything be more consonant with justice and Karmic law.

== Quotes about HPB ==

[[File:HPB by Schmiechen.jpg|thumb|And we, who lived around her, who in closest intimacy watched her day after day, we bear witness to the unselfish beauty of her life, the nobility of her character, and we lay at her feet our most reverent gratitude... ~[[Annie Besant]]]]

*And we, who lived around her, who in closest intimacy watched her day after day, we bear witness to the unselfish beauty of her life, the nobility of her character, and we lay at her feet our most reverent gratitude for knowledge gained, lives purified, strength developed.
**[[Annie Besant]], [http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/12085 ''An Autobiography''] Chapter XIV,  (1893)

*I — who  reverence her as my first Teacher, and who keep her in my  heart with unceasing gratitude as the one who led me to my  Master, whom I have now served with ever-increasing thankfulness for more than eighteen years — place here on record  the facts of the past, with such comment as seems necessary. 
**[[Annie Besant]],  [https://archive.org/details/hpblavatskymaste00besa?q=annie+besant ''H. P. Blavatsky and the Masters of Wisdom''] (1907)

*Mme Blavatsky is a bit wild and somewhat irrational and speaks as if she were the [[w:Delphi#Oracle_of_Delphi|Oracle of Delphi]]. But I will admit that I find some interesting observations in her book which was published as you know, back in 1888, at a time when physics and science were in their swaddling clothes... I'm astonished how much in keeping it is with modern Physics... There are many other significant statements of hers which I find interesting, but for which i have no time to discuss now.
**[[Albert Einstein]], quoted in [http://www.blavatskyarchives.com/brown/jackbrownoneinstein.htm ''I Visit Professor Einstein'' by Jack Brown] published in [[w:Ojai Valley News|''Ojai Valley News'']],(28 September 1983)

*Some, most unjustly, try to make [[Henry Steel Olcott|H.S.O.]] and [[H.P.B.]], solely responsible for the state of things, those two are, say, far from perfect — in some respects, quite the opposite. But they have that in them (pardon the eternal repetition but it is being as constantly overlooked) which we have but too rarely found elsewhere —[[Unselfishness]], and an eager readiness for [[self-sacrifice]] for the good of others; what a multitude of sins does not this cover! It is but a truism, yet I say it, that in adversity alone can we discover the real man. It is a true manhood when one boldly accepts one's share of the collective Karma of the group one works with, and does not permit oneself to be embittered, and to see others in blacker colours than reality, or to throw all blame upon some one &quot;black sheep,&quot; a victim, specially selected. Such a true man as that we will ever protect and despite his shortcomings, assist to develop the good he has in him. Such an one is sublimely unselfish; he sinks his personality in his cause, and takes no heed of discomforts or personal obloquy unjustly fastened upon him.  (370)
**The Master [[Koot Hoomi]] in [[The Mahatma Letters to A. P. Sinnett|''The Mahatma Letters to A. P. Sinnett'']], (1923)  

* Madame Blavatsky, as she was known, was an aristocratic, Russian-born medium who founded the Theosophical Society in New York in 1875 and who taught, among much else, that people could contact the spiritual realm with help from higher entities called Masters of Wisdom.
**Gustav Niebuhr in [https://www.nytimes.com/1996/07/20/us/religion-journal-new-millennium-great-expectations.html &quot;New Millennium, Great Expectations&quot;], ''The New York Times'' (20 July 1996)

*From boyhood no problem had interested me so much as the mystery of man... [On meeting H.P.B.,] our acquaintance at once ripened into a friendship. We found ourselves to be congenial in opinion, and she brought to our intercourse the great resources of a mind stored with a mass of erudition with regard to the arcane or esoteric philosophies of the ancient times. I found her the most intellectual woman I had ever met in my life, a very eccentric personage, but a person who compelled you to either like her very much or to be very antagonistic to her. Besides these extraordinary literary and mental accomplishments of hers, she also possessed in a very striking degree psychical powers such as we read about in the accounts of the lives of ancient sages, and the proof of the reality of which powers was vouchsafed to many witnesses in America for years before we sailed from New York for India; so that naturally those of us who knew her in those times and subsequently, have been unaffected by all the imputations upon her character that have been so rife during the later years of her life... I now look back to that meeting as the most fortunate event of my life; for it made light shine in all the dark places, and sent me out on a mission to help to revive... occult science, which grows more absorbingly interesting every day.
**[[Henry Steel Olcott]], [https://www.theosociety.org/pasadena/sunrise/46-96-7/th-hso.htm On Theosophy, Compiled from speeches collected in Theosophy, Religion and Occult Science (1885), and from ''Theosophical Siftings'', vol. 4, no. 10] (1891).

*She was a splendid pianist, playing with a touch and expression that were simply superb. Her hands were models—ideal and actual—for a sculptor and never seen to such advantage as when flying over the keyboard to find its magical melodies... There were times when she was occupied by one of the Mahâtmas, when her playing was indescribably grand. She would sit in the dusk sometimes, with nobody else in the room beside myself, and strike from the sweettoned instrument improvisations that might well make one fancy he was listening to the Gandhâvas, or heavenly choristers. It was the harmony of heaven...she was loyal to the last degree to her aunt, her other relatives, and to the Masters; for whose work she would have sacrificed not only one, but twenty lives, and calmly seen the whole human race consumed with fire, if needs be.
**[[Henry Steel Olcott]], ''Character Sketch of Madam Blavatsky, Old Diary Leaves, Volume One,'' (1895)

*Unconventionality was with her almost a cult, and nothing pleased her more than to do and say things to shock the prudish... HPB felt herself in revolt to every conventional idea of society, being in beliefs, tastes, dress, ideals, and behavior a social helot; ...The world was to her an empty sham, its prizes but dross, her waking life a lugubrious existence, her real life that of the night when, leaving the body, she would go and sit at the feet of her Masters.&lt;BR&gt; So she felt little else than scorn and profound contempt for the blind bigots and narrow-thinking men of science, who had not even a stray glimpse of the truth, yet who would judge her with unrighteous judgment and conspire to silence her by a conspiracy of calumny. For clergymen as a body she felt hatred, because, being themselves absolutely ignorant of the truths of the spirit, they assumed the right to lead the spiritually blind, to keep the lay conscience under control, to enjoy revenues they had not earned, and to damn the heretic, who was often the sage, the illuminatus, the adept. We had one scrapbook into which we used to paste paragraphs from the newspapers telling of the crimes of clergymen and priests who had been brought to justice, and before we left for India there was a large collection of them. HPB made numberless friends, but often lost them again and saw them turned into personal enemies. No one could be more fascinating than she when she chose, and she chose it when she wanted to draw persons to her public work. She would be caressing in tone and manner, and make the person feel that she regarded him as her best, if not her only friend.
**[[Henry Steel Olcott]], ''Character Sketch of Madam Blavatsky, Old Diary Leaves, Volume One,'' (1895)

*H. P. Blavatsky said, in language which no thoughtful mind could misinterpret: ''Come unto me, my Brothers. I have been taught. Only as I have been taught am I authorized to give; but what I have been taught I can give, and it is my duty to give it.'' She gave, and gave lavishly. What she gave was not her own; it is not my own; it is not your own. It is the common spiritual and intellectual heritage of mankind; it belongs to us all as human beings, to every son of man; and anyone who studies this common heritage of mankind and who follows the pathway that it opens... The pathway, remember, is endless, for it leads over and through the spacious fields of the spaces of invisible space.
**[[Gottfried de Purucker]] in [https://www.theosophy.world/resource/ebooks/masters-and-path-occultism-g-de-purucker ''The Masters and the Path of Occultism'']  (1939)

*In her efforts to teach and help she was ready to investigate all subjects; she pointed out with abundant logic the necessity of the ideas of Theosophy being implanted in the minds of the people of the present age; that these ideas might lead the people from dogmatism and materialism into a larger and broader life. She declared that unless humanity awakened to its real needs and to its opportunities, the human family as a whole must retrograde into the shadow and lose sight of the spiritual life and light that rightfully belong to every man.&lt;BR&gt;So it was that she established the Theosophical Society on entirely unsectarian and non-political lines. She accentuated tirelessly the truths of Theosophy; she declared that man's essential divine nature was a potent quality which should be aroused continuously: i. e., that man was dual in his nature -- that the higher, the nobler, the divine part, was the corrective and inspiring part, and that the human mind, no matter how splendidly trained, must be controlled by this higher self: before this man could not find his true place or realize his latent possibilities. She declared in her teachings that one who would know his strength must find his divinity, not outside himself but within; that he must understand the laws of evolution and involution; that spiritually he must realize that he is a part inseparable of the great human family; and that if he carried the investigation of Theosophy far enough, he would readily conceive of Deity as an all-powerful, omnipresent principle, rather than as a personal God existing at some point in space.
**[[w:Katherine Tingley|Katherine Tingley]], [https://www.theosophy-nw.org/theosnw/books/vital/vital-1.htm H.P. Blavatsky, and the Founding of the Thesophical Society],  (10 January 1915)

===''H. P. Blavatsky and the Masters of Wisdom'', by Annie Besant (1907)===
&lt;small&gt;([https://archive.org/details/hpblavatskymaste00besa?q=annie+besant Full text, multiple formats])&lt;/small&gt;

*Sixteen years and a half have gone since Helena Petrovna  Blavatsky passed away from this mortal world. Yet attacks  are still made upon her veracity, upon her character, and good  and sympathetic men still turn away from the Theosophical  Society with: &quot; Oh ! I do not care to belong to it ; it was  founded by Mme. Blavatsky, who was convicted of fraud by  the Psychical Research Society.&quot; The articles which defended  her at the time have long been out of print, and are forgotten. Dr. Hodgson, the writer of the S.P.R. report, became a  believer in phenomena far more wonderful than those which he denied in his youthful self-confidence, and also became  himself the victim of misrepresentation and ridicule. The  large circulation of Mme. Blavatsky's priceless works, the  spread of the ideas which she spent her life in learning and  teaching, the growth of the Theosophical Society which she  founded at the orders of her Master, and with the aid of her  colleague Colonel [[Henry Steel Olcott|H. S. Olcott]].  the ever-increasing literature  published by her pupils — all these form her substantial  defence, the justification of her life's work. p. 1

*It is not  right that the continued crucifixion of the Teacher should be  regarded with complacency, while the world profits by the  teachings, nor that she should be branded as fraud and impostor who brought to this age the truths now gaining such  world-wide acceptance. It is but just that her defence should  be obtainable so long as she is slandered. Therefore I — who  reverence her as my first Teacher, and who keep her in my  heart with unceasing gratitude as the one who led me to my  Master, whom I have now served with ever-increasing thankfulness for more than eighteen years — place here on record  the facts of the past, with such comment as seems necessary. 
 
*Madame Fadeeff: proceeds:  &quot;The phenomena produced by the mediumistic power of my  niece Helena are very curious and wonderful... so much force concentrated in a single individual — a whole group of the most extraordinary manifestations emanating from a single source... is certainly exceedingly rare and perhaps unparallelled... when she was here this power was in a condition far inferior to that which it has now reached... Helena... cannot be compared with anyone else. As child, as young girl, as woman, she was  always too superior to her environment to be appreciated at her real value. She received the education of a girl of good family. She was well brought up, but was not at all learned, and as for scholarship, of that there was no question. But the unusual richness of her intellectual nature, the delicacy and swiftness of her thought, her marvellous facility in understanding, grasping and assimilating the most difficult subjects, such as would require from anybody else years of laborious study; an eminently developed intelligence, united with a character loyal, straightforward, frank, energetic — these gave her such an unusual superiority, raised her so high above the ordinary level of the insipid majority of human societies, that she could never avoid attracting general attention, and the  consequent envy and animosity of all those who, in their  trivial inferiority, felt wounded by the splendor of the  faculties and talents of this really marvellous woman. 

*Helena Petrovna was married, as a girl of seventeen, to an old man, and promptly took flight from her husband, on discovering what marriage meant, and roamed about the world in search of knowledge. In August, 1851... on a moonlight night, as her diary tells us, beside the Serpentine, &quot; I met the Master of my dreams.&quot; He  then told her that he had chosen her to work in a society, and  some time afterwards, with her father's permission, she went into training for her future mission, passing through seven and ten years of probation, trial and hard work....  
 
*Madame Fadeeff: &quot;She was  well brought up, well educated as a woman of the world, that  is to say, very superficially. But as to serious and abstract  studies, the religious mysteries of antiquity, Alexandrian  Theurgy, ancient philosophies and philologies, the science of hieroglyphs, Hebrew, Samskrit, Greek, Latin, etc., she never saw them even in a dream. I can swear to it. She had not the least idea of the very alphabet of such things.... my niece spoke to me about them (the Masters of Wisdom), and that very fully, years ago. She wrote to me that she had seen and reknitted her connection with several of them before she wrote her Isis. Why should she have invented these personages? With what object ? and what good could they do her if they did not exist? Your enemies are neither wicked nor dishonest, I think; they are, if they accuse you of that, only idiotic.

*There was one policy with regard to the Masters, the  phenomena worked by her, and Their communications, which  she would not tolerate: the attempts to separate the occult  from the philosophical, and to evade the criticism and the hostility of an ignorant world by exalting the philosophical at  the expense of the occult. To do this, she repeatedly declared, was to invite the destruction of the Society. She was bitterly conscious of the unfairness with which she had been treated, and of the way in which many Theosophists were willing  to sacrifice her to the mob, while profiting by her teachings, and declaring that the Theosophical Society had its own  foundation, and could continue to exist, even if she were regarded as a fraud. 

*What H. P. Blavatsky was the world may some day  know. She was of heroic stature, and smaller souls  instinctively resented her strength, her titanic nature. Unconventional, careless of appearances, frank to unwisdom —  as the world estimates wisdom — too honest to calculate against the dishonesty of others, she laid herself open to continual  criticism and misunderstanding. Full of intellectual strength and with extraordinary knowledge, she was humble as a little child. Brave to recklessness, she was pitiful and tender.  Passionately indignant when accused of sins she loathed, she was generous and forgiving to a repentant foe. She had a hundred splendid virtues, and a few petty failings. May the  Master she served with unfaltering courage, with unwavering devotion, send back to us again &quot;the Brother you know as  H. P. B., but we — otherwise.&quot;

== See also ==
*[[Theosophy]]
===Theosophical Teachers===
* [[Annie Besant]] 
* [[Geoffrey Hodson]]
* [[William Quan Judge]]
*[[Charles Webster Leadbeater]] 
*[[Henry Steel Olcott]] 
*[[Alfred Percy Sinnett]]
*[[Theosophy]]

===Related===
*[[The Ageless Wisdom Teachings|The Ageless WisdomTeachings]]
*[[Alice Bailey]]
*[[Agni Yoga|Agni Yoga Teachings]]
*[[Masters of Wisdom]] 
*[[Maitreya (Theosophy)]]
*[[Helena Roerich]]

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}
{{wikisource author}}
* {{Gutenberg author | id=Blavatsky,+H.+P.+(Helena+Petrovna) | name=Helena Petrovna Blavatsky}}
*[http://www.katinkahesselink.net/blavatsky/ H.P. Blavatsky Collected Writings]
*[http://www.carloscardosoaveline.com/autor/helena-p-blavatsky/ Articles by Helena P. Blavatsky] 
*[http://blavatskyarchives.com The Blavatsky Study Center / Blavatsky Archives]
* [http://www.theosociety.org/pasadena/isis/iu1-01.htm Isis Unveiled]
*[https://www.nla.gov.au/selected-library-collections/john-cooper-theosophy-collection John Cooper Theosophy Collection], including letters of Helena Blavatsky
*[https://theosophy.wiki/en/Main_Page '''Theosophy Wiki''']


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'''{{w|Hipponax}}''' ({{w|Ancient Greek}}: Ἱππῶναξ, ''Hippônax''), of Ephesus and later Clazomenae, was an Ancient Greek poet who composed verses depicting the vulgar side of life in Ionian society in the sixth century BC. He was celebrated by ancient authors for his malicious wit, and ancient literary critics credited him with inventing literary parody and &quot;lame&quot; poetic meters suitable for expressing vigorous abuse. Little of his work survives despite its interest to Alexandrian scholars, who collected it in two or three books.

== Quotes ==
&lt;small&gt;Greek text cited from M. L. West, ''Iambi et Elegi Graeci ante Alexandrum cantati, vol. I'' (Oxford, &lt;sup&gt;2&lt;/sup&gt;1989).&lt;/small&gt;

* τίς ὀμφαλητόμος σε τὸν διοπλῆγα&lt;br&gt;ἔψησε κἀπέλουσεν ἀσκαρίζοντα;
** What [[w:midwife|navel-snipper]] wiped and washed you as you squirmed about, you crack-brained creature?
** Frg. 19 IEG (tr. [https://www.loebclassics.com/view/hipponax-fragments/1999/pb_LCL259.367.xml D. E. Gerber, 1999])

* ἐμοὶ δὲ Πλοῦτος—ἔστι γὰρ λίην τυφλός—&lt;br&gt;ἐς τᾠκί᾿ ἐλθὼν οὐδάμ᾿ εἶπεν &quot;Ἱππῶναξ,&lt;br&gt;δίδωμί τοι μνέας ἀργύρου τριήκοντα&lt;br&gt;καὶ πόλλ᾿ ἔτ᾿ ἄλλα&quot;· δείλαιος γὰρ τὰς φρένας.
** But never came there Plutus, the blind one,&lt;br&gt;Unto my house, nor spake thus: 'Hippônax,&lt;br&gt;Minas of silver give I thee thirty.'
** Frg. 36 IEG (tr. [https://archive.org/details/oxfordbookofgree0000unse_k6d0/page/226/mode/2up J. M. Edmonds, 1938])

* δύ᾿ ἡμέραι γυναικός εἰσιν ἥδισται,&lt;br&gt;ὅταν γαμῇ τις κἀκφέρῃ τεθνηκυῖαν.
** Two days are best of a man's wedded life,&lt;br&gt;The days when he marries and buries his wife.
** Frg. 68 IEG (tr. [https://archive.org/details/oxfordbookofgree0000unse_k6d0/page/226/mode/2up J. M. Edmonds, 1938])
** Cf. the (apparently anonymous) English-language joke &quot;The two best days in a boat owner’s life are the day they buy a boat and the day they sell it.&quot; [[Reuven Perlman]], &quot;The Best Days of a Boat Owner's Life&quot;, ''The New Yorker'' (13 January 2021)

== Quotes about Hipponax ==

* ὁ μουσοποιὸς ἐνθάδ᾿ Ἱππῶναξ κεῖται.&lt;br&gt;εἰ μὲν πονηρός, μὴ ποτέρχευ τῷ τύμβῳ·&lt;br&gt;εἰ δ᾿ ἐσσὶ κρήγυός τε καὶ παρὰ χρηστῶν,&lt;br&gt;θαρσέων καθίζευ, κἢν θέλῃς, ἀπόβριξον.
** Here lies the poet Hipponax. If you are a scoundrel, do not approach the tomb; but if you are honest and from worthy stock, sit down in confidence and, if you like, fall asleep.
** [[Theocritus]], Epigram 19 (tr. [https://www.loebclassics.com/view/hipponax-testimonia/1999/pb_LCL259.347.xml D. E. Gerber, 1999])

== External links==
{{Wikipedia}}

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'''''[[w:Despicable Me 2|Despicable Me 2]]''''' is [[w:2013 in film|2013]] [[w:Computer-generated imagery|CGI-animated]] film and a [[sequel]] to the 2010 film ''[[Despicable Me]]''. This time, instead of Gru trying to take over the world, he gets [[w:recruitment|recruited]] by the Anti-Villain League (AVL) to help them track and take down an unknown villain. 
:''Directed by [[w:Pierre Coffin|Pierre Coffin]] and [[w:Chris Renaud|Chris Renaud]]. Written by [[w:Cinco Paul and Ken Daurio|Cinco Paul and Ken Daurio]].''
{{center|'''When the world needed a hero, they called a villain.''' [[#Taglines|taglines]]}}

==Gru==
* Listen! I don't want a [[refund]]; I want the fairy [[princess]]... please! Please, I am begging you!
* Huh, you usually don't see that in bunnies.

==Margo==
*''[Upon seeing Antonio]'' I am Margo.
* Okay, we need to choose a picture.
* Dr. Nefario! You’re back!

==Agnes==
* ''[gasps]'' It’s the fairy princess! She’s coming!
* ''[upon seeing a picture of Gru in his trunks, with her eyes covered]'' WHAT IS THAT!?!?
* You love her! You love her! You really, really love her!
* My unicorn! ''['''Margo''': Agnes, no!] [Evil Kevin eats her unicorn and she screams]
* ''[choking Edith]'' I’m so happy!

==Dialogue==
:'''Gru''': ''[on the phone]'' No, no, no! What do you mean, she’s not coming?! I have a backyard full of these little girls who are counting on a visit from a fairy princess! [''a Minion accidentally hits his shin with a mace''] Ah! Hurts! Ah! Stop it! ''[chases him off with his spatula; sighs before getting back on the phone]'' Listen! I don’t want a refund! I want a fairy princess, please! Please, I am begging you. [''pauses''] You know what? I hope that you can sleep at night, you crusher of little girls’ dreams! [''hits the phone with his spatula and hangs up'']
:'''Agnes''': [''approaches him''] Ooh, ooh, when is the fairy princess coming?
:[''Silence'']
:'''Gru''': [''in a happy singsong voice''] Any minute now.
:[''Pause.'']
:'''Agnes''': Yay! [''runs off'']
:'''Gru''': [''to the Minions; quietly''] Stall them!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Margo''': Whoa! Whoa! Okay, okay, all right. That's enough of the magic show!
:'''Minions''': Awwww.
:''[Margo suddenly looks around as if she just heard something.]''
:'''Margo''': Wait, did you hear that? It sounded like the twinkling sounds of magical fairy dust.
:'''Agnes''': [''gasps''] It's the fairy princess! She’s coming!
:''[Margo points up to the sky.]''
:'''Margo''': [''gasps''] Look!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Gru''': ''[falsetto]'' It is I, Gru... Zinkerbell, the most magical fairy princess of all! And I am here to wish Princess Agnes a very happy birthday! ''[throws a handful of fairy dust]''
:'''Little Girl''': [''raises her hand''] How come you're so fat?
:'''Gru''': Because… my house is made of candy, and sometimes, I ''eat'' instead of facing my problems!
:'''Little Girl''': How come you have... [''Gru blows some fairy dust in her face; coughs'']
:'''Gru''': ''[normally]'' Okay, time for cake!
:[''All children, except Agnes, run to the table, much to Gru's relief.'']
:'''Agnes''': Thank you, Gruzinkerbell. You’re the best fairy princess ever.
:'''Gru''': ''[falsetto]'' You are welcome, little girl.
:'''Agnes''': [''runs off, but quickly returns; whispering''] I know it’s really you, Gru. I’m just pretending for the other kids.
:[''Gru happily sees her running off, until he is approached by Jillian.'']
:'''Jillian''': Hey there, Gru, Mr. Life of the Party!
:'''Gru''': [''attempts a smile; normally''] Hello, Jillian.
:'''Jillian''': ''So'', I'm gonna go out on a limb here, but my friend Natalie is recently single, and... [''Natalie falls down'']
:'''Gru''': No, no, no. Get off the limb right now. No limb.
:'''Jillian''': Oh, come... she’s a riot. She sings karaoke, she has a lot of free time, looks aren’t that important to her...
:'''Gru''': No, Jill’s, that is not happening. Seriously, I’m fine.
:'''Jillian''': [''calling after him''] Okay, fine. Forget Natalie. How about my cousin Linda?
:'''Gru''': [''passes by Margo and Edith''] No.
:'''Jillian''': Oh, oh! I know someone whose husband just died... [''gets sprayed by Gru's garden hose'']
:'''Gru''': [''dryly''] I'm sorry. I did not see you there. [''sprays her again''] Or there. [''drops the hose and walks away holding the palette, chuckling softly'']

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:[''After the party, Gru takes Kyle outside. Unbeknownst to both of them, they are being watched'']
:'''Gru''': Kyle? Kyle? Kyle, no! Do not do your business on the petunias! [''picks Kyle and drops him in the yard next door''] There you go, those are Fred's. Go crazy. [''Kyle does his business, killing the plant and die; chuckles sinisterly''] Good boy.
:'''Lucy''': [''off-screen''] Mr. Gru?
:'''Gru''': [''stuttering''] Wha, I didn't, wha... Yes?
:'''Lucy''': [''appears on-screen''] Hi. Agent Lucy Wilde of the AVL. [''shows her AVL ID-card, but notices she shows it upside-down''] Oops. [''giggles nervously, then becomes serious''] Sorry. You're gonna have to come with me.
:'''Gru''': Oh, sorry. I- [''suddenly takes his freeze ray out of his polo, then aims and fires at Lucy''] Freeze ray!
:[''However, Lucy silently counters the beam of Gru's freeze ray with the flames of her hair dryer-shaped flamethrower, canceling each other out.'']
:'''Lucy''': You know, you really should announce your weapons [''takes a tube of lipstick out of her purse''] ''after'' you fire them, Mr. Gru. For example, [''presses a button on the tube, two barbs shoot into Gru, who drops his freeze ray when he is filled with electricity; in a happy singsong voice''] Lipstick ''tazer!'' [''Gru convulses, dances disco, and finally passes out due to the shock''] Oh, it works so good.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Silas''': Good afternoon, Mr. Gru.
:'''Gru''': [''weakly''] Eh...
:'''Silas''': I apologize for our methods of getting you there.
:'''Lucy''': I don't! I'd do it again in a heartbeat! And I am not gonna lie, I enjoyed that. Every second of it. Gave me a bit of a buzz, actually...
:'''Silas''': [''interrupts Lucy''] That's enough, Agent Wilde.
:'''Lucy''': ''[calmly]'' Sorry, sir.
:'''Gru''': Okay, this is bogus! ''[drops a starfish onto Stuart; Phil laughs at Stuart]'' I don't know who you people think you are, but...
:'''Silas''': We are the Anti-Villain League. An ultra-secret organization dedicated to fighting crime on a global scale. Rob a bank, we're not interested. Kill someone, not our deal. But you want to melt the polar ice caps or vaporize Mount Fuji or even ''steal'' the moon? ''Then'' we notice.
:'''Gru''': First of all, you got no proof that I did that. Second, after I did do that, I put it back!
:'''Silas''': We're well aware of that, Mr. Gru. That's why we brought you here. I am the league's director, Silas Ramsbottom.
:'''Stuart''': [''smirks''] Bottom. [''starts laughing along with Phil'']
:'''Silas''': [''unamused''] Hilarious. ''[sighs]'' Agent Wilde...
:'''Lucy''': Oh, me now? ''[the monitor shows the giant magnet stealing the lab]'' Um, recently an entire top secret lab disappeared from the Arctic Circle. Yeah, the entire lab. Just whoosh. Voom. Gone. Where did it go?
:'''Gru''': I don't care.
:'''Lucy''': Hmm, the lab was devoted to experiments involving PX-41. A transmutation serum. What is PX-41, you ask? Mmm, It's pretty bad... Look.
:[''One of the scientists on the monitor injects a bunny with PX-41 serum, making Gru, Phil and Stuart flinch. The rabbit then mutates and turns purple, much to the scientist's surprise. Gru smirks in interest.]
:'''Phil and Stuart''': ''[amazed]'' Aah...
:[The mutated bunny then attacks the scientist, threatening to kill him. Phil and Stuart pass out in fright while Gru flinches and shields himself as the purple rabbit attacks the camera and the screen goes static.'']
:'''Gru''': Huh, you usually don't see that in bunnies.
:'''Silas''': As you can see, in the wrong hands, the PX-41 serum, could be the most devastating weapon on Earth. ''[gets stuck in the opening]'' Fortunately, it has a very distinct chemical footprint. And, using our latest chem tracking technology, we have found traces of it in Paradise Mall.
:'''Gru''': [''scoffs''] A mall?
:'''Silas''': Precisely. And we believe one of these shop owners is a master criminal. And that's where you come in. As an ex-villain, you know how a villain thinks, how a villain acts.
:'''Lucy''': The plan is to set you up undercover at a shop in the mall where hopefully...
:'''Gru''': Okay! I see where this is going, with all the [[w:Mission Impossible|Mission Impossible]] stuff, but no. No! I'm a father now. ''And'' a legitimate business man. I am developing a line of delicious jams and jellies.
:'''Silas''': [''laughs mockingly''] &quot;Jams and jellies&quot;?
:'''Gru''': Oh, attitude! That's right! [''pushes Silas aside''] So thanks, but no thanks. [''pauses''] And here's a tip: Instead of tazing people and kidnapping them, maybe you should just give them a call! Good day, Mr. Sheepsbutt!
:'''Silas''': [''calmly''] Ramsbottom.
:'''Gru''': [''chuckles; sarcastically''] Yeah, like that's any better.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:[''At night, Gru just came home from the AVL, carrying the sleeping Agnes on his shoulders, and enters the girls' bedroom.'']
:'''Gru''': [''whispers''] Hey, I told you guys to get to bed.
:'''Margo''': Oh, sorry.
:'''Edith''': [''making a drawing''] So when ya goin' on your date?
:'''Gru''': What?
:'''Edith''': Remember? Miss Jillian said she was arranging a date for you. 
:'''Gru''': Yeah, well, she is a nut job and I'm not going on any date.
:'''Edith''': Why not? [''hangs from her bed ladder''] Are you scared?
:[''A flashback reveals an eight-year old Gru on a playground when in elementary school, holding a flower behind his back.'']
:'''Lisa''': [''to her friends''] Hey, did you guys see the moon landing on TV?
:'''Girls''': Yeah, I can’t believe it. It’s so cool...
:'''Lisa''': Yeah, and you know what...
:'''Young Gru''': [''approaches them''] Excuse me, Lisa?
:'''Lisa''': [''not paying attention''] I was talking to Billy the other day.
:'''Girls''': No way.
:'''Lisa''': And I think he likes me.
:'''Young Gru''': [''clears his throat; nervous''] Hey, Lisa, I was wondering if you... [''taps his finger on her shoulder'']
:'''Little Girl''': [''points at Gru’s finger on Lisa’s shoulder''] Ewww! Gru touched Lisa! Gru touched Lisa!
:'''Little Kids''': [''horrified''] Eeeewww!
:'''Little Girl''': [''to the whole playground''] Lisa’s got Gruties!
:[''Everyone runs back inside in response, screaming; the young Gru remains on the playground, disappointed.'']
:'''Gru''': [''snaps out of his flashback''] Scared? Of what? Women?! [''chuckles''] No! That's bonkers! I just... I've no interest in going on a date! That's all! Case closed! I am not scared of women... or dates... Let's go to bed. Good night, Edith. [''gives a goodnight kiss to Edith''] Good night, Margo. [''gives a goodnight kiss to Margo, but returns''] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold the horses. Who are you texting?
:'''Margo''': No one. Just my friend Avery.
:'''Gru''': Avery. [''confused''] Eh? Avery? Is that a girl’s name or a boy’s name?
:'''Margo''': [''confused''] Does it matter?
:'''Gru''': No. No, it doesn’t matter unless it’s a boy!
:'''Agnes''': I know what makes you a boy.
:'''Gru''': [''concerned''] Uh...oooh...you...do?
:'''Agnes''': Your bald head.
:'''Gru''': [''relieved''] ''Oh'', yes...
:'''Agnes''': [''creates an imaginary line with her hands around the head of a temporarily confused Gru''] It's really smooth. Sometimes I stare at it, and imagine a little [[bird|chick]] popping out. [''imitates a little chick''] Peep-peep-peep.
:'''Gru''': Good night, Agnes. [''gives her a kiss on the forehead''] Never get older. [''leaves the girls' bedroom and turns off the lights'']

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lucy''': ''[to herself; out of breath]'' Oof, wasn’t expecting that. [''strikes a martial arts pose''] Or was I? [''turns to Gru''] Ooh, you got... you got a little of... [''a purple frosting-covered Gru gives her a deadpan glare. A second later, a cupcake slowly falls off his head, leaving a long smear on it''] Here, I’ll... I’ll get it... [''tries to remove the icing off a dumbstruck Gru’s face''] Oh, that’s just spreading... um...
:'''Gru''': All right, all right. I got it, I got it! [''irritated''] Stop it!
:'''Lucy''': [''backs off''] Oh. [''takes a deep breath''] I'll let you get it. [''Gru sighs and rubs the icing off his face, then uses his scarf like a towel to clean it''] Yeah, what you just saw there was a little something new I have been working on. It’s a combination of Jujitsu, Krav Maga, Aztec warfare and [''singing''] ''krumpin'!''
:'''Gru''': [''annoyed''] Okay, that’s weird. Why are you here?
:'''Lucy''': [''suddenly appears in front of Gru''] On assignment from Silas. [''grabs Gru by his jacket's lapels; excited''] I’m your new partner! ''Yay!'' [''starts dancing'']
:'''Gru''': What?! No, no [''mocking Lucy''] ''yay''! [''normal voice''] Ramsbottom didn’t say anything about a partner.
:'''Lucy''': Well, it seems that because of your checkered past, everyone else refused to work with you. But not me! I stepped up. And I’m new, so I kind of have to do what they tell me anyway.
:'''Dave''': [''leaves the kitchen, then shows them a Minion-shaped cupcake''] Voila!
:[''However, Lucy, thinking Dave is an enemy, sweeps the cupcake from his hands, smashing it into pieces. She then grabs Dave, puts and pins him on the counter; Dave starts screaming, feared of getting attacked.'']
:'''Lucy''': [''referring to Dave; to Gru''] You know this guy?
:'''Gru''': ''[calmly]'' Yes, he's one of my Minions.
:'''Lucy''': [''groans in disappointment and smiles embarrassingly''] Oh, I’m sorry. I should have known. [''to Dave, releasing him''] You’re free to go.
:[''Dave jumps off the counter, but as he leaves for the kitchen, Lucy smiles at him. This causes Dave to daydream about her, from walking with Lucy, following both having a toast to finally attempting to kiss each other until...'']
:'''Gru''': [''v.o.''] Dave... [''cut on a love struck Dave air kissing; whistles''] Earth to Dave! 
:'''Dave''': [''snaps out and sees Gru and Lucy looking at him''] Huh?
:'''Gru''': You can leave now.
:'''Dave''': Oh, uh... [''gibberish, then enters the kitchen'']
:[''Gru and Lucy go on undercover, locating the crime suspects.'']
:'''Gru''': [''looking around the mall with a periscope along with Lucy''] So, what do we got? Who’s on the list? Fire 'em at me.
:'''Lucy''': First suspect, Hedda Blumentoft, owner of the Mum’s the Word Floral Shop.
:'''Gru''': No, not her.
:'''Lucy''': Okay, moving on... Chuck Kinney, &quot;owner of Stuff-a-Bear&quot;. [''a boy receives a balloon from Chuck, but it pops, making the boy wail''] Ooh.
:'''Gru''': I don’t think so.
:'''Eduardo''': [''suddenly enters the shop''] Hello? [''Gru and Lucy force themselves to act natural''] Buenos dias, my friends! I am Eduardo Perez, owner of Salsa y Salsa restaurant, across the mall. Now open for breakfast. And you are...?
:'''Gru''': [''introducing''] Gru. And this is Lucy. And we are closed.
:'''Eduardo''': This is just gonna take un momento. I am throwing a big Cinco de Mayo party, and I am going to need two hundred of your best cupcakes decorated with the Mexican flag. It looks something like this. [''rips his shirt open, revealing a giant tattoo of the Mexican flag on his chest''] What do you think? [''flexes and makes his chest wave'']
:'''Gru''': [''hides his eyes in disgust''] Look away!
:'''Lucy''': [''stares at Eduardo''] You—Whoa... Hooo...
:'''Eduardo''': Anyway, I have to go. It’s all settled! I pick ‘em up next week! Have a good day. Come by if you get a chance, okay? [''leaves the store; Gru groans in relief; suddenly pops back in''] And welcome to the mall family! [''Gru studies his face and gasps, seeing Eduardo in a red luchador mask surrounded by flames as he leaves the mall''] 
:'''Gru''': [''whispering to himself''] El Macho.
:'''Lucy''': [''confused''] What?
:'''Gru''': [''looking through the window''] But it couldn't be...
:'''Lucy''': Wha... What? What couldn't be?
:'''Gru''': [''referring to Eduardo''] That guy looks exactly like a villain named El Macho... from about 20 years ago. [''a flashback reveals El Macho, 2 decades ago; voice-over''] He was ruthless... [''El Macho empties a bottle of tequila into a glass and smashes it over his head''] He was dangerous... [''El Macho squeezes a rattlesnake's venom out of his fangs, filling his glass''] And as the name implies... [''El Macho simply eats his glass''] ''Very'' macho! [''El Macho pins his money to the bar with the rattlesnake's fangs and leaves through the wall''] He had the reputation for pulling off heists using only his bare hands! [''El Macho stops a cargo truck with his head, then punches the driver out''] But sadly, like all the greats, El Macho was gone too soon. He died in the most macho way possible - riding a shark with 250 pounds of dynamite strapped to his chest into the mouth of an active volcano! It was glorious!
:'''Lucy''': [''confused''] Yeah, sounds like El Macho's pretty dead.
:'''Gru''': They never found the body. Oh, no. All that was ever retrieved was a pile of singed chest hair. [''pause''] But that face, it has got to be El Macho!
:'''Lucy''': [''gasps''] So what do you say you and I break into his restaurant... tonight?
:'''Gru''': Yes, that's good. Because I'm telling you if anyone in this place holds the PX-41 serum, it's him. [''points to Eduardo'']

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Gru''': [''entering the girls' bedroom''] All right, homework done, pajamas on, teeth brushed, time for bed.
:'''Margo''': What's the big hurry?
:'''Gru''': I just... I have a lot of work to do.
:'''Edith''': Work, what ''kind'' of work?
:'''Gru''': Very important business. So hugs, kisses... [''gives the girls a hug and kisses their foreheads, then puts them in bed, while throwing Edith''] Good night, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs blah-blah-blah-blah-blah... [''suddenly sees Agnes standing at the doorway''] 
:'''Agnes''': But you said me you would help me practice my part for the Mother’s Day show.
:'''Gru''': [''sighs; giving in''] Fine, fine... [''reluctantly''] Let me hear it, quickly.
:'''Agnes''': [''blankly''] She kisses my boo-boos, she braids my hair. My mother is beyond compare. We love you mothers everywhere. [''smiles at Gru'']
:'''Gru''': [''surprised''] Wow! ''That'' was... something else! I really like the way you smiled at the end. Let's try this one more time, but a teensy bit less like a zombie, okay?
:'''Agnes''': Okay. [''blankly''] She kisses my boo-boos, she braids my hair...
:'''Gru''': [''cuts her off, throws the script and turns around walking away''] Perfect. Time to go.
:'''Agnes''': I don't think I should do this.
:'''Gru''': [''stopping''] Well, what do you mean? How come?
:'''Agnes''': I don't even have a mom.
:'''Gru''': Well, you don't need one to do the show. I mean, you did the Veteran's Day pageant, and you haven't been in combat.
:'''Agnes''': This is different.
:'''Gru''': Okay, well, then... maybe you could just use your imagination.
:'''Agnes''': You mean I pretend that I have a mom?
:'''Gru''': Yes, right. [''kneels down''] You can do that, can't you?
:'''Agnes''': [''delightedly''] Yeah! I do that all the time! Thanks, Gru! [''gives him a kiss and leaves; Gru is confused'']

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Gru''': [''lifting a floor tile; smiling maliciously''] We’re stealth ninjas. We make no sound.
:'''Lucy''': Right. Gotcha. [''kicks the door open, much to Gru’s astonishment''] Ya!
:'''Gru''': [''maliciously''] Alright, El Macho. You're going down.
:'''Lucy''': [''stops him''] Wait! Wait.
:'''Gru''': What? [''Lucy takes a spray can out of her purse and starts spraying the air; confused''] What are you doing?
:'''Lucy''': I'm checking for laser beam alarm triggers.
:'''Gru''': [''looks around''] It's a restaurant! [''glares at her sternly'']
:'''Lucy''': You never know what booby traps this guy could've set, huh? Come on!
:'''Gru''': There are no booby traps. [''accidentally steps on a wire without seeing, triggering and ringing a bell'']
:'''Lucy''': Ha! [''pointing to the bell''] Booby!
:[''The door leading to the kitchen suddenly opens, startling Lucy, who quickly hides behind Gru. The shadow reveals none other than a chicken.'']
:'''Lucy''': Huh, there's a chicken. [''gasps''] Are you lost, little guy? You must be lost!
:'''Gru''': [''points to the chicken, referring to it; smug''] Ha! Some guard dog. [''the chicken suddenly leaps on him, continuously pecking his bald head''] Aah! Get it off of me! Get it off of me! Get it off of me!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:[''Gru and Lucy are looking for the PX-41 serum in Eduardo's kitchen'']
:'''Lucy''': [''referring to the X-ray goggles''] How're they working? Tell me, tell me!
:'''Gru''': [''frightened upon seeing Lucy via the X-ray goggles''] Aah! Oof!
:'''Lucy''': [''confused''] What's wrong? Something wrong?
:'''Gru''': [''dazed''] Oh, that's an image I'll never get out of my brain. Blagh! [''continues looking with the x-ray goggles until he sees a portrait holding something; smiling sinisterly''] I knew it! [''gasps; removes the painting off the wall, revealing a safe''] The serum is in here!
:'''Lucy''': Ooh, then let’s get it!
:'''Gru''': [''takes a safe-cracking device out of his pocket, placing it over the combination wheel which activates automatically; giggling gleefully''] Oh, this is going to be good! Ahh... [''the safe opens, revealing something other than the serum''] Aha! [''realizing the canister does not contain the serum''] What? [''it is revealed he is holding a jar filled with salsa''] It's secret salsa?
:'''Lucy''': [''disappointed''] Aw, man.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:[''Gru and Lucy are hiding in garbage bins in the mall.'']
:'''Lucy''': [''puts on her binoculars''] All right, there he is. Suspect #8 - Floyd Eaglesan.
:'''Gru''': Oh, okay.
:'''Lucy''': See if you can get closer. Go, go...
:'''Gru''': [''tries to approach the entrance but makes a sharp noise when moving the garbage bin; Floyd Eagle-san turns back and looks around, then enters the store''] Alright. What the? [''when a man attempts to throw a cup of hot coffee into Gru's garbage can; to himself''] Oh, no. That's not good! [''suddenly freezes, revealing his legs. Confused, the man tries it again, but Gru dodges and takes off running, accidentally hitting a bent-over woman's butt before he falls down the escalator, rolling out of the garbage can and stumbling upon his daughters'']
:'''Agnes''': [''off-screen''] Hey, Gru!
:'''Gru''': [''looks up and sees the girls in front of him''] Oh, girls! What are you doing here?
:'''Margo''': Well, we thought we'd come to visit you at work. [''looks at her father and the trash can''] So... you're saving the world in a garbage can?
:'''Gru''': [''sarcastically''] Ah ha ha ha ha! Funny.
:'''Lucy''': [''comes up from behind Gru''] Hey, there you are. [''looking at the girls''] Oh, who's this?
:'''Gru''': Lucy, these are my girls - Margo, Edith and Agnes. Girls, Lucy. Lucy, girls.
:[''Lucy smiles and shakes head slightly at the girls greeting them, tenderly'']
:'''Margo''': Hello! 
:'''Edith''': Hi! 
:'''Agnes''': [''stares at Lucy, seeing a magical glow around her; sincerely''] Are you single? 
:[''Gru and Lucy become surprised by Agnes' words.'']
:'''Lucy''': Oh. Goodness...
:'''Gru''': Oh! Hey, ''I'' have an idea! Since Lucy and I have lots of work to do, why don't you girls go and explore the mall? [''leaves Lucy along with the girls; gives Margo a dollar bill''] Here's some money. Go buy some useless mall junk, some headbands and...
:'''Agnes''': Are you gonna marry Lucy?
:'''Gru''': Are you out of your gourd? No! She just works with me.
:'''Agnes''': Plus you love her. [''happily singing and dancing, attracting attention to everyone in the mall''] You love her! You love her! You really, really love her, and you're gonna get married! And I'll be the flower girl!
:'''Gru''': Okay, stop. This is a song of lies. I don't even like her. [''points to the mall''] Now go have fun. [''The girls leave; prepares to stand up''] 
:'''Agnes''': [''laughs''] Almost forgot! Hugs! [''storms off to Gru along with her older siblings to give him a hug, throwing themselves on top of him'']
:'''Margo''': Good luck saving the world! Bye!
:'''Agnes''': Bye, Gru! [''runs away happily'']
:'''Gru''': [''walks back to Lucy, chuckling awkwardly''] Kids... right? They're... funny.
:'''Lucy''': Those girls totally adore you! I bet you're a fun dad. [''walks away with a smile'']
:'''Gru''': [''in a bland tone''] Huh, I am pretty fun.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Agnes''': [''seeing Edith grabbing coins from the wishing fountain in the mall''] Is that stealing?
:'''Edith''': [''comes out of the water, wearing a diving mask and snorkel''] Not if my wish was to get a lot of free coins!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Antonio''': Cool glasses.
:'''Margo''': Uh... [''chuckles nervously'']
:'''Antonio''': I’m Antonio.
:'''Margo''': I’m... Margo.
:'''Antonio''': I was just going to get a cookie. Care to join me?
:'''Margo''': [''nervous''] Uh,... sure. I’m... Margo. [''once seeing her going out with Antonio, Edith, still wearing her diving mask and snorkel, loudly clears her throat in suspicion; nervous''] Um... I’ll catch up with you guys later. Bye! [''leaves her sisters'']
:'''Edith''': [''in disgust''] Can I be the first to say... Ewwww!
:'''Agnes''': [''eagerly shaking Edith''] We gotta go tell Gru!
:[''Meanwhile, Gru arrives at Eagle Hair Club'']
:'''Gru''': [''contacting Lucy''] Alright, I’m going in.
:'''Lucy''': [''informs him at Bake My Day by monitor as he activates a chem-tracking device shaped like a belt; through headphones''] If it picks up any traces of the serum, the center of your belt buckle [''aloud''] will make a sound like this, Mee-Mo-Mee-Mo-Mee-Mo!
:'''Gru''': [''cuts off Lucy; annoyed''] Okay, I get it! I get it! [''fumbles with the automatic door, then enters Eagle Hair Club'']
:'''Floyd''': [''chuckles''] Welcome to Eagle Hair Club. [''turns his eagle-like chair, revealing himself holding and stroking a toupee''] It’s about time you showed up... Mr. Gru. [''the bald eagle perched next to him squawks'']
:'''Gru''': You... know my name?
:'''Floyd''': [''chuckles''] When someone moves into the mall who is follically challenged, I make it my business to know all about them. You are bald. And that is bad. [''strokes the toupee he’s holding, kisses it, then puts it on a mannequin head''] There you go, my sweet.
:[''at Bake My Day'']
:'''Lucy''': [''monitoring Gru’s chem-tracking device''] I’m getting nothing so far. I think you need to look around.
:[''at Eagle Hair Club, after listening to Lucy in the headphones; Gru walks away, smiling nervously, and starts looking around the mall, but none of the mannequin heads give a signal'']
:'''Gru''': [''starts thrusting his hips once noticing a painting''] Wow, this looks interesting. What is it?
:'''Floyd''': [''suspiciously''] I take it you’re an art lover?
:'''Lucy''': [''in headphones''] No serum.
:'''Gru''': Yeah, not so much. [''walks over to a podium holding a trophy and starts thrusting his hips at it''] Oh, how about this impressive trinket?
:'''Floyd''': [''gasps''] I hardly call it trinket, Mr. Gru.
:'''Lucy''': [''in headphones''] Nothing.
:'''Floyd''': The International—
:'''Gru''': Yeah, I don’t care. [''moves over to a shelf filled with wig samples and starts straddling it''] 
:'''Lucy''': [''in headphones, startling Gru''] Mee-Mo-Mee-Mo-Mee-Mo!!! Hold on, I’m picking up something. Behind that wall! 
:'''Gru''': Ahh... and what do we have here?
:'''Floyd''': [''grabs a sample''] These are my trial wigs. [''hands Gru a bag with a wig in it''] You should take one.
:'''Gru''': No, thanks. [''sticks his head into the shelf''] So what’s on the other side of the wall?
:'''Floyd''': There you are! Look at me! Focus!
:'''Lucy''': [''in headphones''] Gru?
:'''Floyd''': I promise, that this wig will transform you from ugly to irresistible.
:[''Gru is staring at the wig when Agnes and Edith hastily storm inside Eagle Hair Club and Agnes screams, making him lose his focus'']
:'''Agnes''': MARGO HAS A BOYFRIEND! 
:'''Edith''': AND THEY’RE GOING ON A DATE!
:'''Gru''': [''suddenly hysterical, to Edith''] Date!? [''to Agnes''] Boyfriend!? [''to Floyd''] What?! [''Floyd shrugs shoulders and shakes his head nervously; Gru stares at Agnes and Edith'']

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:[''Gru, Edith and Agnes enter Eduardo's restaurant and notice Margo and Antonio are eating a cookie'']
:'''Margo''': [''chuckling''] Oh, you're so funny!
:[''Cut back to the other Grus watching them'']
:'''Edith''': Gross! [''referring to Margo and Antonio, pointing at them''] Look, they're in love!
:'''Gru''': Oh, no, no, no. Don't say that they're... no, no, no! [''leaves for Margo and Antonio'']
:'''Antonio''': [''seriously''] And my dream... is to one day play video games for a living.
:'''Margo''': Wow. [''chuckles''] You're so complicated!
:'''Gru''': [''interrupts them, smiling nervously''] Margo. [''Margo gasps in astonishment''] What is going on here?
:'''Margo''': Oh, Gru, se llama Antonio. Me llamo, Margo.
:'''Gru''': Me llamo llama ding-dong! [''serious''] Who cares? Let's go.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Eduardo''': [''starts to hug Gru''] So good to see you again, mi compadré!
:'''Antonio''': Oh, I see you’ve already met my father. [''Margo lovingly stares at him'']
:'''Gru''': [''being hugged by Eduardo''] What the... father?
:'''Eduardo''': [''stops hugging him''] Si! Look at this crazy little world we live in, eh? Come, sit! Let me get you something.
:'''Gru''': [''sees Pollito squawking and glaring at him''] Oh... look at you. [''Eduardo scoops up the chicken; laughing nervously''] He likes me! [''attempts to pet Pollito, but he lunges at him'']
:'''Eduardo''': Oh, oh, I’m sorry, Pollito is usually very friendly. [''cradling his pet''] He had a rough night. [''Pollito stares at Gru relentlessly'']
:'''Gru''': [''chuckles nervously''] Well, we should be going. Girls, come on. [''attempts to leave'']
:'''Eduardo''': [''stops him and brings Margo and Antonio closer towards each other''] That is a pity. Young love is beautiful, no?
:'''Gru''': No! [''chuckles nervously''] You know, they’re not in love. They hardly know each other!
:'''Eduardo''': You are right, Cabesa De Huevo! They must get to know each other better. Antonio, why don’t you invite your girlfriend and her family to our Cinco de Mayo party?
:'''Gru''': No, no, I am...
:'''Edith and Agnes''': [''happily''] Si!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Silas''': I'm sorry. El Macho? Haven't we eliminated him as a suspect, after the whole &quot;Salsa&quot; incident?
:'''Gru''': Yes, but there has been a new development and I'm telling you: This is the guy. You need to arrest him immediately. ''And'' his deviously charming son! I'm pretty sure the son is involved in too. The son also. You got to get the son! [''referring to Antonio; whispering''] I think that the son is the mastermind. There is a look. There is a devilish look in his eyes and I don't like it! [''gets back in his chair'']
:'''Silas''': Yes, but I don't really see any evidence for-
:'''Gru''': [''cuts him off''] Evidence, schmevidence! I go with my gut and my gut tells me ''this'' guy is El Macho! Lock him up! Lock up the son. Don't forget about the son. The kid ''GIVES ME THE CREEPS''!
:'''Silas''': Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear...
:'''Lucy''': Uh, ''but'' on the less [''whistles''] ''crazy'' side of things, uh, Gru discovered traces of the serum at Eagle Hair Club.
:'''Silas''': [''regaining his interest''] Hmm, interesting.
:'''Lucy''': Yeah! And you know who made that happen? Huh? [''referring to Gru and pointing at him''] This guy. Nailed it! Amazing, right?
:'''Gru''': No, I mean... Sure, but it's not him. It is... [''whispering while glaring in Lucy's eyes''] ...El Macho!
:'''Silas''': Mr. Gru, please...
:'''Gru''': [''gets out of his chair and back outside''] No. It is him! And I will prove it!
:'''Lucy''': [''tries to stop him with no luck''] Gru, c'mon. [''turns to Silas; referring to Gru; chuckles nervously''] He really thinks it's El Macho. [''pause''] Can you tell? [''Silas gives her a bland glare'']

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Gru is surfing on his laptop, looking up information about El Macho, when he suddenly realizes the website sputters and his then internet connection has been lost as if due to an electrical failure]''
:'''Gru''': ''[groans]'' Kevin, the Wi-Fi's out! ''[pause]'' Kevin? ''[to a Minion]'' Hey, Lance, where the heck is Kevin? ''[Lance scoffs and shrugs; Gru sighs]'' All right. We need to revisit the number of vacation days you guys get. I can't find anybody anymore.
:''[The doorbell rings]''
:'''Jillian''': [''off-screen''] Gru! It's Jillian! [''Annoyed by her, Gru shoots an imaginary bullet in his head, becoming really bored''] I brought good news! [''cut on her with another woman''] I have my friend Shannon here with me. I was thinking, you two, can get some grub, you know, tear it up, see what happens! [''cracks herself up; cut on Gru seeing Agnes approaching; off-screen''] Uh, open up!
:'''Gru''': [''whispers''] Agnes, Agnes. [''Agnes stops singing''] Tell Jillian I'm not here.
:'''Agnes''': Gru's not here!
:'''Jillian''': Are you sure?
:'''Agnes''': Yes, he just told me! 
:'''Gru''': [''cringes''] Mmm-mmm!
:'''Agnes''': I mean, no. He didn't just tell me.
:'''Jillian''': [''laughs; peeking through the keyhole''] Agnes, where is Gru?
:[''Gru approaches Agnes, then makes a &quot;zip your lips&quot; gesture'']
:'''Agnes''': ''He's'' putting on lipstick. [''Gru swings his arms wildly, convincing her to stop''] ''He's'' swatting at flies! 
:'''Gru''': No!  [''makes a &quot;cut it off&quot; gesture''] No!
:'''Agnes''': ''He's'' [''skipping''] chopping his head off! [''Gru covers his head, groaning loudly''] ''He’s'' [''confused''] pooping?
:[''pausers'']
:'''Jillian''': [''off-screen''] I know you're in there, Gru! There's no way you're getting out of this. Gru!
:[''When Gru looks annoyed, realizing this is getting him nowhere, Kyle, with the wig that Gru received from Floyd Eagle-san in his jaws, approaches him'']

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lucy''': [''enters the Italian restaurant''] Hi. Take-out for Lucy?
:'''Hostess''': Sure. Just a sec. [''leaves off; After the hostess left, Lucy narrows her eyes, then hides behind a aquarium. She sees Gru and Shannon, who’s doing sit-ups, before she presses a button on her watch that turns into a eavesdropping device that she puts in her ears'']
:'''Shannon''': [''heard through Lucy’s high tech eavesdropping device''] Your accent is so exotic.
:'''Gru''': Ah. Well, thank you very much. I was...
:'''Shannon''': I know someone who can fix that for you and you’ll be talking normal in no time.
:'''Gru''': [''laughs awkwardly; sweating'']  Whew. Is it hot in here? How’s the food?
:[''pause'']
:'''Shannon''': Wait a minute, wait a minute. Are you wearing a ''wig''?!
:'''Gru''': What? [''noticing his wig is in a wrong direction, quickly rotates it back; nervously''] I don't think so!
:'''Shannon''': I knew it. You're a phony. I hate phonies!
:'''Gru''': Oh... what? No, these locks are all mine.
:'''Shannon''': No, they're not! You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna rip that thing off your head and show everyone [''heard through eavesdropping device''] what a bald-headed '''PHONY''' you are!
:'''Lucy''': I don't think so, Miss Lady. [''calmly activates her watch, revealing a target sight along with a couple of darts. Meanwhile, Gru watches in horror as Shannon approaches him. Suddenly, Lucy shoots a tranquilizer dart at Shannon’s buttocks, rendering her unconscious before she can remove the wig off Gru’s head and landing with her face in the spaghetti'']
:'''Gru''': [''confused''] Hello? Hello... Are you...
:'''Lucy''': [''off-screen''] Hey, Gru!
:'''Gru''': [''remove his wig''] Hello, Lucy! How you doin'?
:'''Lucy''': Wow, looks like your date's out for the count. It's like she's been shot with a mild moose tranquilizer. [''Shannon moans unconsciously like a moose, then passes out again; Lucy winks at Gru, who suddenly smiles and stares at her awkwardly; whispering''] Yeah, I'm winking 'cuz that's what actually happened.
:'''Waiter''': [''hurries to the table, politely''] 'Scusi, whassa happenin' here? She no like?
:'''Lucy''': Uh, she's just uh... Glurp glurp... [''makes a sign to the waiter that Shannon drank too much'']
:'''Waiter''': Oh, si, si! [''laughs nervously and moves away'']
:'''Lucy''': [''to Gru; referring to Shannon''] Shall we take her home?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:[''after taking Shannon back home'']
:'''Lucy''': Well, I think you did it. You just officially had the worst date ever.
:'''Gru''': Huh, tell me about it.
:'''Lucy''': Don’t worry, it can only get better from here, right? But if it doesn’t, you can always borrow my dart gun. I’ve had to use it on one or two dates myself.
:'''Gru''': Yeah, you know, as far as dates go, I think I’m good with just the one. [''chuckles nervously'']
:[''silence, until Lucy pats Gru on the shoulder'']
:'''Lucy''': Well, good night, partner. [''starts walking toward her car. Gru gets up to walk beside her''] This was fun.
:'''Gru''': Yes. Surprisingly, it was.
:'''Lucy''': Oh, and uh, just between you and me? You look much better bald. [''the spies exchange looks as Lucy pecks Gru on the cheek before happily leaving him''] See you tomorrow! [''Gru smiles happily as she takes off, unaware of Shannon falling off the porch behind him'']

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:[''Gru just arrived at Paradise Mall and sees Silas with a couple of AVL agents at Eagle Hair Club'']
:'''Gru''': [''confused''] Mr. Ramsbottom?
:'''Silas''': Oh, hello.
:'''Gru''': What are you doing here?
:'''Silas''': We got him.
:'''Gru''': Got who?
:'''Silas''': Floyd Eaglesan! Our agents located a secret room in the shop last night, [''snaps his fingers, signaling a female AVL agent holding a Ziploc bag containing a canister. He then shows it to Gru''] and uh, discovered this! It’s empty, but we found traces of the PX-41 serum in it. He’s our man. So, somehow, in spite of your incompetence, we solved this one. 
:'''Floyd''': [''handcuffed and carried away''] I was framed! You won’t get away with this! Get your mitts off of me! I am a legitimate businessman!
:'''Gru''': [''stunned''] Ah. Alright. So... what now?
:'''Silas''': Well, you’re now free to go back to your &quot;business&quot;. Mmm. Jams and jellies. And it looks like Agent Wilde will be transferring to our Australian branch.
:'''Gru''': [''shocked''] Australia...?
:'''Silas''': Yes. But thank you...for everything. And by everything of course I mean... nothing. [''pause''] Toodle pip and cheerio, Mr. Gru. [''walks away to the AVL agents. Gru stares sadly from a distance, until Lucy gives him a few pats on his shoulder''] 
:'''Lucy''': Hey there.
:'''Gru''': Hey.
:'''Lucy''': So we got him?
:'''Gru''': Yay. That's great. [''Pausez''] And now you’re going to Australia?
:'''Lucy''': Well, it's not definite yet. Still figuring it out. Already been working on my accent. [''imitating an Australian accent''] Wallaby. Didgeree-doo. Hugh Jackman. [''chuckles''] So...um. Pretty excited...
:[''short silence'']
:'''Gru''': [''smiling''] Great. [''shyly''] Well... good luck.	
:'''Lucy''': Thanks. You too. [''pulls her lipstick taser out of her purse''] Oh, here, I want to give you this.
:'''Gru''': Your lipstick taser?
:'''Lucy''': Yeah, it’s just a memento. Just, you know, from the first time we met.
:'''Gru''': Oh, thank you, Lucy. [''accepts her lipstick taser'']
:'''Silas''': [''off-screen''] Agent Wilde?
:[''the two stare at each other awkwardly, unwilling to leave'']
:'''Gru''': Well... it looks like that they need you, so...
:'''Lucy''': Yeah, I uh, I better go. Bye, Gru.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:[''After learning that Lucy goes to Australia, Gru sats on the doorsteps of his house'']
:'''Agnes''': [''comes outside, holding an umbrella''] I brought you an umbrella.
:'''Gru''': [''smiles at Agnes, then takes the umbrella''] Ah, thank you.
:'''Agnes''': What are you doing out here?
:'''Gru''': Remember when you said that I liked Lucy? Well, (whether you were joking or not,) it turns out... you're right.
:'''Agnes''': [''smiles''] Really?
:'''Gru''': Yes, but... well, she's moving away. I'm never going to see her again. [''Agnes sags along with him and slightly kicks her feet'']
:'''Agnes''': Is there anything I could do to help?
:'''Gru''': Oh, I don't... I don't think so, sweetheart.
:'''Agnes''': Well, is anything ''you'' could do? [''Gru heads up like he suddenly remembers something'']

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Gru''': Hello, Lucy. This is Gru. I know, up to this point, our relationship is been strictly professional, and that you’re leaving for Australia and all, but... [''stammering''] okay, here is the question. Would you like to... to go out on a date? 
:'''Minion''': [''dressed as Lucy''] Ehh... no.
:'''Gru''': Okay, that's not helping. [''hangs up the phone''] Alright, here we go, for real this time. [''checks Lucy's phone number, cracks his neck, then stretches and finally takes a deep breath; to himself''] I can do this. [''tries to pick up the phone, however, over time, becomes so frustrated that he stands up and takes his flamethrower; enraged''] I hate you! [''uses his flamethrower to incinerate his telephone.''] Ah. [''In moments, the fire alarm starts blaring, and one of the Minions bursts through the wall with axes to put out the fire; followed by a Minion with a hose and a Minion imitating a siren. After putting out the fire, the Minion makes his Siren noises at Gru until he leaves angrily with the bullhorn. The Minion dressed as Lucy then blasts the other one away with the fire extinguisher'']

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:[''At Eduardo's Cinco De Mayo party'']
:'''Edith''': Whoa! This place is awesome!
:'''Gru''': Okay, let's party, huh, but 1st, let's go over the rules, because, what is fun without the rules? Agnes, easy on the churros. Edith, try not to kill anyone.
:'''Edith''': [''sincerely''] Hai.
:'''Gru''': [''sees Margo meeting Antonio''] Margo...
:'''Antonio''': Hello, Mr. Gru.
:'''Gru''': [''groans in disgust''] Okay. [''pulls Antonio and Margo from each other'']
:'''Margo''': [''angrily''] Gru!
:'''Gru''': There must be the standard six foot of space between you and boys, [''referring to Antonio''] especially this boy... [''surprised to see Antonio is beside Margo again'']
:'''Antonio''': [''laughs behind Gru''] Ah, you are a funny man. There are no rules, senor. It's Cinco de Mayo. [''to the girls''] Come on! They're starting to dance.
:'''Agnes''': Arriba!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Eduardo''': [''chuckles''] So glad that you could make it, mi compadré! [''Noticing him, Gru looks up and hides Lucy's lipstick taser''] Hey, what’s wrong?
:'''Gru''': Oh, nothing. Nothing is wrong. I’m just chilling with the guac from my chip hat. [''takes a bite of his hat, smiling nervously'']
:'''Eduardo''': Gru, please. I know that look all too well. [''lightly touches Gru’s chest''] It is the look of a broken heart.
:'''Gru''': How did you know?
:'''Eduardo''': Believe me, my friend. I too have spent many nights trying to drown my sorrows in guacamole. 
:'''Gru''': You?
:'''Eduardo''': Yes. [''grabs a chair and sits down''] But we are survivors. There is much more to us than meets the eye, hmm? [''gives Gru a mysterious smile''] Enjoy the party.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:[''When on the plane to Australia, Lucy sighs, feeling heartbroken about leaving Gru and decides to read a flight magazine. When reading it, she suddenly sees Gru in place of the pilot.'']
:'''Lucy''': [''confused''] Say what? [''snaps out of her hallucination, then looks in the magazine again, revealing a regular pilot. She flips the page, but gasps once seeing Gru. Lucy hastily shuts the magazine, then opens it again, now revealing a muscular man diving'']
:'''Stewardess''': [''approaches Lucy''] Would you like some peanuts or pretzels? [''Lucy gasps in astonishment and sees her as Gru. She suddenly hears a passenger laughing like Gru'']
:'''Passenger''': That’s a good joke. [''Lucy looks behind her and sees a mother holding a baby, both looking like Gru'']
:'''Baby''': I just did a boom boom.
:[''Lucy gasps in horror.'']
:'''Stewardess''': I really need you to make a choice, hun.
:'''Lucy''': ''[smiles]'' I choose Gru. ''[runs to the emergency hatch]'' I choose Gru! ''[opens the hatch]'' Thank you, Gru-stewardess!
:'''Stewardess''': [''waves at Lucy''] You're welcome!
:[''Diving through the air, Lucy unfolds her purse into a hang glider, para-sailing on her way to Eduardo's mansion in search for Gru in El Macho’s lair'']
:'''El Macho''': [''appears behind Gru''] You have not lost your touch, my friend.
:'''Gru''': Aha! I knew it! You ''are'' El Macho!
:'''El Macho''': THAT'S RIGHT!
:'''Gru''': [''eager''] Nobody believed me! Ho ho, but I knew you weren't dead.
:'''El Macho''': [''laughing''] Of course not. I merely faked my death! [''chuckles''] But now, it's time for me to make a spectacular return to evil! Doctor, I think it’s time we showed Gru what we’re up to here.
:'''Gru''': Dr. Nefario?
:'''Dr. Nefario''': Nice to see you, Gru.
:'''Gru''': Whaaa? This— so this is your new job opportunity?
:'''Dr. Nefario''': Absolutely. You’re gonna like this. [''presses a button, revealing a purple Kevin strapped to a chair'']
:'''El Macho''': Sorry. I had to borrow some of your Minions, but it was for a worthy cause.
:'''Gru''': Oh! Kevin! [''tries to approach Kevin, but repels with disgust''] Ugh!
:'''El Macho''': No! He's not Kevin anymore! Now he's an indestructible, mindless, killing machine!
:'''Kevin''': BLAUGH!
:'''El Macho''': [''jumps in fear, but quickly recovers''] Just watch this. [''presses a button'']
:'''Kevin''': [''a machine gun descends and sprays him with bullets''] BLAUGH! [ ''a flamethrower descends''] BLAUGH! [''it sprays him with flame. An axe descends and hits him over the head, he jumps up and eats it. A bomb falls and he swallows it, exploding harmlessly inside him. A police car, siren running, falls on him. He eats it in six bites''] BLAUGH!
:'''El Macho''': And here's the best part, I got an army of them! [''some lights turn on, revealing hundreds of cages full of evil minions; Gru receives a horrified look on his face once seeing them''] Soon I will unleash them on the world! And if anyone, anyone tries to stop them, YEOW! Their city gets eaten. [''pauses''] We can do it together!
:'''Gru''': Together?
:'''El Macho''': Together! I have admired your work for years, amigo! [[Despicable Me (film)|Stealing the moon]]!? [''yanking on Gru's scarf''] Are you kidding?! We would be unstoppable! Men like you, men like me, we should be ruling the world! [''excitedly''] So, are you in?
:'''Dr. Nefario''': [''holding a noisemaker''] Woo-hoo!
:'''Gru''': Uh...yeah...probably...
:'''El Macho''': [''confused''] Probably?
:'''Gru''': [''stepping backwards''] I mean, yes! Yes. Of course, yes, I just have a lot going on right now... I just need to get some things off my plate before we start taking over the world, that’s all.
:'''El Macho''': 'Scuse me?
:'''Gru''': No—forget it! One hundred percent! I am in! [''pretending''] I think—what is—do you hear that? I do. That’s Agnes calling me from on the surf— [''steps into the elevator which closes, but immediately opens again; hastily pressing a button''] Totally in! [''the elevator closes'']
:'''El Macho''': [''suspicious''] You know what? I am not so convinced that he is in. [''presses a button, releasing Kevin'']
:'''Kevin''': BLAUGH!
:[''Back upstairs, Edith, who’s blindfolded, lightly touches the piñata with a baseball bat, finally smacking it into pieces and dies, revealing candy on the ground'']
:'''Gru''': Edith! Agnes! Come on! [''Edith accidentally hits him in the head with a baseball bat''] Ooof!
:'''Edith''': [''takes off her blindfold''] Sorry. (Are you hurt?)
:'''Gru''': (Don't worry, I'm alright.) We need to go home now! Where’s Margo?
:'''Agnes''': But I didn’t get a turn!
:[''Meanwhile, a depressed Margo is sitting alone, eating a guacamole sombrero.'']
:'''Gru''': Margo! [''approaches her with Edith and Agnes''] Come on, we're leav... Hey, what's wrong? (Are you okay?)
:'''Margo''': [''disappointed''] I hate boys.
:[''Gru looks to what Margo meant, revealing that Antonio is dancing with another girl.'']
:'''Gru''': [''referring to boys''] Yes, they stink. Look, sorry, honey, we have to go. [''sends Margo away and comes back to screen, then angrily shoots his freeze ray at Antonio for leaving Margo heartbroken without saying anything'']

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:[''When Lucy tries to defend herself from Pollito, it is revealed that he is pecking at her purse'']
:'''Eduardo''': [''off-screen''] Pollito! What’s the matter? [''appears and picks up Pollito, petting him'']
:'''Lucy''': Oh, hey! Eduardo!
:'''Eduardo''': Lucia! I apologize. Pollito, he’s not usually like this. The same thing happened the other day with... with Gru and...
:'''Lucy''': Oh, speaking of Gru...uh, have you seen him? I really need to talk to him.
:'''Eduardo''': Yes, I think he’s around here somewhere. You two are close, no?
:'''Lucy''': Oh, I don’t know. I mean close... I wouldn't say we were &quot;close&quot;. Why, did he say we were close? Did he say that?
:'''Eduardo''': It’s more than what he didn't say. For instance, he never mentioned... [''turns Pollito around, who’s holding Lucy’s AVL credentials in his beak''] ...that you were both working for the Anti-Villain League! [''Lucy gasps in horror; grabs Lucy tightly''] You're coming with me. [''yanks her away'']
:'''Lucy''': Hey!
:'''Dr. Nefario''': [''holding a Mexican flag cupcake and a drink; shocked''] Crikey!
:[''Meanwhile, the Grus returns home from the Cinco De Mayo party.'']
:'''Edith''': So Eduardo's actually El Macho? Cool!
:'''Gru''': No, it is not cool. [''closes the curtains''] Plus, I pretty much knew it was him all along, so if anyone's cool, it's me.
:[''The television beeps, revealing Dr. Nefario hiding under a table.'']
:'''Dr. Nefario''': [''by intercom''] Gru!
:'''Gru''': Well, Dr. Nefario. How can I help you?
:'''Dr. Nefario''': El Macho's on to you. He knows you're working for the AVL. And he's got your partner!
:'''Gru''': ''[shocked]'' Lucy? Wha— that's impossible! She's on her way to Australia...
:'''El Macho''': ''[off-screen]'' Nefario?
:'''Dr. Nefario''': Sorry, gotta go!
:[''The intercom turns off.'']
:'''Agnes''': [''gasps; referring to El Macho; worried''] He's got Lucy?
:'''Gru''': [''starts to leave''] Not for long. [''to his minions playing a video game''] Come on. We're getting her out of there.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:[''Margo and Agnes are playing a board game when they suddenly hear Evil Kevin and Kyle'']
:'''Agnes''': [''startled''] What was that?
:'''Margo''': [''gets up, walks slowly to the window and opens the curtains; the somewhat scared Agnes holds her unicorn''] I don't see anything.
:[''But then, Margo sees Evil Kevin, screaming in horror as she closes the curtains. The Evil Kevin breaks the glass, causing Margo to run to Agnes. Evil Kevin falls on the floor with the curtains and he looks back at Margo and Agnes, holding her unicorn, then screams and runs towards them'']
:'''Margo''': [''screams''] Run!
:'''Agnes''': [''accidentally drops her unicorn, which ends up in Evil Kevin's jaws''] My unicorn!
:'''Margo''': [''off-screen''] Agnes, no!
:[''Evil Kevin tries to eat the unicorn, but Agnes, shocked in horror, starts screaming so loud and at the top of her lungs that it not only forces Evil Kevin to spit out the unicorn and start screaming, but also Margo to cover her ears, and breaks everything, from a bust of Gru's mother to Kevin's goggles. Agnes stops screaming, gently walks to and grabs her unicorn and runs to the hallway. Margo looks back to Evil Kevin before pressing the button on Gru's rhino chair, revealing the elevator.'']
:'''Kevin''': BAH-DEE, BAH-DEE!!
:[''Margo and Agnes scream in horror as the still blind Evil Kevin approaches them until the elevator closes Evil Kevin bumps his head as the elevator goes down. Meanwhile, in Gru's lab, a dozen Minions while Edith and a Minion are playing ping-pong'']
:'''Margo''': Come on! Hurry!
:'''Agnes''': Move!
:[''Margo closes the door.''] 
:'''Edith''': [''stops playing ping-pong''] What's the matter?
:[''But suddenly, Evil Kevin submerges from the ground floor, collapsing on a pile of steel bars which fall onto a sofa before trying to attack the girls; Edith swings her nun-chucks, attempting to protect her siblings, but before Kevin could devour them, a hypodermic needle is injected in his back, rendering Kevin back to normal'']
:'''Kevin''': Ooh-la-la! [''sits up''] Um, picatos?
:'''Agnes''': Kevin!
:'''Minions''': Kevin! [''dog pile him'']
:'''Margo''': Dr. Nefario, you’re back!
:'''Dr. Nefario''': In the flesh! (That’s right.) Behold... [''reveals an Erlenmeyer flask filled with a yellow substance''] the antidote! [''heads towards the jelly containers''] Come on, let’s put this horrible jelly into some good use!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Dave (who is fake evil minion)''': Uh… ''[blows raspberries says: &quot;Pfft!&quot; then chuckles: &quot;Ha-ha!&quot;]'' No?
:'''Evil Minion''': &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''BLAAAAAAAAAAURGH!!!!!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Gru''': &lt;big&gt;'''''RUN!!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[The evil minions charge to seize Gru and his minions, Gru runs through a sat of two doors and then the chase continues with the evil minions. Gru spots a tree to climb.]''
:'''Gru''': Up that tree! Hurry! Hurry! ''[climbs as his minion friends follow him up a tree, the evil minions are biting a tree causing it to fall]'' Run!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:[''After Gru is saved from the evil minions'']
:'''Dr. Nefario''': Hello, Gru!
:'''Gru''': Hey-hey! Nice work, Dr. Nefario! [''leaps onto the ship'']
:'''Dr. Nefario''': I put the antidote in the jelly. [''pauses''] I mean, I’m happy to create an evil army and destroy the world. But ''nobody'' messes with my family.
:'''Gru''': Thank you, Doctor. [''determined''] Now let’s go get the-! [''suddenly sees his daughters holding jelly guns'']
:'''Agnes''': Hi!
:'''Gru''': You brought the girls?!
:'''Dr. Nefario''': [''excited''] Yes! [''pauses briefly''] Oh, was that wrong?
:[''As soon as the ship flies toward El Macho, the Grus start curing the minions inside his rockets'']
:'''Edith''': [''firing a large jelly Gatling gun''] Whooooo! Yeeeaaahhh!
:'''El Macho''': [''astonished''] What is happening to my Minions? [''tiny pauses''] Gru?
:'''Gru''': You guys take care of the rest of the Minions. I’m going to find Lucy. [''jumps out of the ship, armed with two big jelly guns. The ship lands near the entrance, then the girls and Minions jump out of it, holding and firing their jelly guns at the evil minions.'']
:'''Agnes''': Eat jelly, you purple freaks! Whoa! Whoa! [''fires her jelly gun, but goes out of control, yet still capable of neutralizing a dozen minions. Meanwhile, Gru, on the other hand, shoots two evil minions off the roof support at once, then steps on one of the minions’ goggles, shooting the others in a slo-mo Matrix-style. El Macho kicks Evil Tom at Gru, who dodges, then shoots him back to normal with a grim look on his face'']
:'''Gru''': It's all over, El Macho. [''aims one of his jelly guns''] Now where is Lucy?
:'''El Macho''': [''chuckles''] Let me show you. [''presses one of the buttons on his control panel, stopping the fountain at the center and revealing Lucy strapped to a rocket, along with a shark and 250 pounds of dynamite. Upon seeing her, Gru gasps in horror'']
:'''Lucy''': Oh, hey, Gru! Turns out you were right about the whole El Macho thing, huh? [''chuckles mildly''] Yay!
:'''El Macho''': One push of this button, and I send that rocket straight in the same volcano where I faked my death! Only this time, it's for real.
:'''Gru''': [''horrified''] No!
:'''Dave''': [''swings on a vine like Tarzan''] Yah! [''and snatches the remote from El Macho's hands''] Tally-ho! [''hits the roof support and drops the remote which hits three minions on their heads and on the ground'']
:'''El Macho''': We could have ruled the world together, Gru! But now... You're gonna die. [''drinks the last of the PX-41 serum. Once he does this, Gru gasps before El Macho suddenly grows into a giant furry purple creature and roars at him.''] &lt;big&gt;'''''RAAAAAAAAAAAAR!'''''&lt;/big&gt; ''[Gru tries to fire the jelly gun]'' 
:'''Gru''': Oh! 
:[''but it is out of ammo. He then pulls out his freeze ray and encases each of El Macho’s fists in ice, but the latter slams his fists into the ground, shattering the ice and knocking Gru off the platform, forcing him to grab hold onto a scaffolding.'']
:'''Gru''': Aaaaaah! Oof! Ha! Ah!
:'''El Macho''': [''Unfortunately, the scaffolding tips over and Gru falls on the ground. El Macho jumps off the platform, grabs the scaffolding, attempting to crush Gru]'' Ngngngngh! [''but the latter dodges''] Ooh. Argh! [''by rolling before pulling out to Lucy’s lipstick taser, hitting the former with it and causing El Macho''] Eh? Oh-oh! Ha-ha, meeeeee, aaaaaaah! Oh! Ah! Ah! Oof! [''to electrocute before Eduardo's Cinco De Mayo party explodes and collapses the ground'']
:'''Gru''': [''singing; pointing the weapon to El Macho''] Mmm, lipstick tazer!
:'''Lucy''': [''smiling''] Aww. He copied me!
:[''Gru runs off to save Lucy; El Macho sees Gru's minions aiming their jelly guns at him.'']
:'''El Macho''': [''dazed; last words''] I am not afraid, huh? Of your jelly guns!
:'''Dr. Nefario''': Oh, this ain't a jelly gun, sunshine! [''shoots the Fart Gun at El Macho’s face, rendering him unconscious.]''
:'''El Macho''': [groans] &lt;big&gt;'''''OHHHHHHH!!!'''''&lt;/big&gt; Oof! 
:[''Not soon after, the Minions fire their jelly guns in the air, while one of them stands on El Macho'']
:'''Minion''': Ho-oh!
:[''and takes a picture of Dr. Nefario. Meanwhile, Gru runs towards the rocket Lucy is strapped to and starts climbing on it'']
:'''Lucy''': [''as Gru is climbing to her; calmly''] Don't worry about me, Gru, I'll be fine. I've survived lots worse than this. Okay, that is not entirely true. [''switches from calmly to frantically''] I'm actually kind of freaking out up here!
:'''Gru''': [''attempting to free her''] Don't worry. I will get you out of this. [''Once they see Pollito near the remote, both Gru and Lucy gasp; Pollito looks at them before pecking the red button on the rocket’s launch remote; grumbling, about Pollito''] I really hate that chicken.
:[''The rocket’s engine ignite, causing the spies to take off into the sky; on land, the Minions and girls see Gru and Lucy take off in horror; as the rocket flies to the volcano, Gru holds himself tightly to the rocket, cutting Lucy free of the ropes using a knife, but once he cuts down the last rope, the dynamite and shark fall off the rocket, but before Lucy falls off, Gru grabs her before he slips off; the shark falls on a table of a sushi bar where the customers and sushi chef gasp and cheer. Meanwhile, on the rocket, Lucy holds on to the missile fin while Gru rips one of the panels of the rocket open with his knife, revealing a mess of wires in it'']
:'''Lucy''': Is there a red one? It’s usually the red one! [''Gru puts his knife between his teeth and madly starts pulling the red wire left and right. But even so, the rocket keeps moving; noticing they are approaching the volcano; nervous''] Gru, anytime now!
:'''Gru''': [''gasps the instant he sees the volcano and drops the knife''] Listen, Lucy, we may not get out of this alive. So, I need to ask you a question.
:'''Lucy''': Uh, better make it quick.
:'''Gru''': If I had asked you out on a date, what would you have said?
:'''Lucy''': Are you kidding me?! Yes!
:'''Gru''': [''smiles, then gasps and grabs Lucy''] Jump! [''leaps off the rocket, just seconds before it plunges in the volcano which explodes on impact. Despite their attempts to keep close to each other while falling, the debris and impact of the explosion hits Gru and Lucy, who lose each other's grasp and fall into the water. Gru swims back up, gasping for air; desperately''] Lucy! [''frantically swims around''] Lucy, where are you?! [''a moment later, Lucy swims up behind him, gasping for air; relieved''] Oh, Lucy! [''swims towards her'']
:'''Lucy''': [''eagerly''] Gru! [''hugs him, sending both into the water, then swim back out, gasping for air; trying to keep Gru at a distance; embarrassed''] Sorry! I guess you kind of need your arms to tread water, huh?
:[''Without saying anything to Lucy, realizing his feelings for her, Gru firmly grabs her hand, then gently pulls her closer to him while she puts her free hand on the other shoulder. The two stare at each other, in love. A second later, a rowboat, being rowed by a Minion, encouraged by another sitting on top, shouting “Echo! Echo!” in a bullhorn, passes by to pick up Gru and Lucy, who look at the kayak for a few seconds, but ignore it soon after and stare at each other again'']
:'''Gru''': [''referring to the Minions; calmly''] They’ll be back.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:[''During Gru and Lucy's wedding'']
:'''Agnes''': [''to herself''] Okay. [''stands on top of the girls' wedding table; to everyone else''] Excuse me? Um, hi, excuse me? [''Margo ticks on her glass with a fork multiple times like a cow bell, attracting everyone's attention to a nervous Agnes''] Uh, [''clears her throat''] Hi, everybody! I'd like to make some toast. Uh... [''looks at Gru'']
:'''Gru''': [''smiles; quietly''] Okay.
:'''Agnes''': [''nervous''] She, um, she kisses my boo-boos, she braids my hair. [''happily''] We love you mothers everywhere, [''turns to her parents''] and my new mom Lucy is beyond compare. [''receives a outstanding ovation'']
:'''Minions''': Aww...
:'''Lucy''': [''impressed and proud''] Aww! [''catches Agnes when she jumps into her arms; not soon after, Edith and Margo come next to Gru and Lucy; Edith gets in Gru's arms''] 
:'''Agnes''': To the bride and Gru!
:'''Minions''': 🎵 Bokka, fa lei boom maraki booki bokka, fa-ta-chi-ba-da-da-bo-da bokka, linguini banaki loto, la, to, le, bu, he, la. Mia! Mia! Mia! Mia! Mia! La pa ta ke alo… 🎵 Aaaaah! 🎵 ..Tu pu de bwa, la pa ta ke alo, th pu de bwa… 🎵
:'''Agnes''': [''While choking Edith again''] Woohoo! I'm so happy!
:'''Minions''': 🎵 ..Fa la tu le loka, kapa boye le a pabrika, la pa ta ke alo, tu pu de bwa, la pa ta ke alo, tu pu de bwa, linda lu le bruno, li le carbonara, le hi chie le calita, Tu pu de bwa! 🎵
:'''Minion''': BLAUGH!

== About ''Despicable Me 2'' ==

* [For the sequel] they pitched me the main character falling in love and eventually marrying at the end, and I just plainly hated the idea. I do not know if that’s my European cynical side. They said that ‘We will try it out with the marriage and once we get the marriage working, we will try to find other ways to do it without having a marriage,’ so they did make the effort of doing it our way—Chris and mine—of trying to not have the marriage and not to have this very corny ending.
** [[w:Pierre Coffin|Pierre Coffin]] in [http://www.cartoonbrew.com/award-season-focus/directors-chris-renaud-and-pierre-coffin-on-creative-choices-and-challenges-in-despicable-me-films-93702.html &quot;Directors Chris Renaud and Pierre Coffin on Creative Choices and Challenges in “Despicable Me” Films&quot;] by C. Edwards, ''Cartoon Brew'', 01/03/2014.

==Taglines==
* More minions, more despicable.
* Back to work
* When the world needed a hero, they called a villain.
* Intelligent and curious (American Margo tagline who is dressed as a female knight)
* Tender and funny (American Agnes tagline who is dressed in a unicorn)
* Annoying and lethal (American Edith tagline who is dressed as a ninja)
* The spy who loved her (International Gru and Lucy tagline)
* On July third... back to work.
* New mission, new partner (International &quot;New Mission&quot; TV spot tagline)
* Has Gru gone soft? (International &quot;Gone Soft&quot; TV spot tagline)
* New mission, new partner and more minions (International &quot;Triple Trouble&quot; TV spot tagline&quot;)
* On July third, do not be a chicken (Canadian &quot;Don't Be a Chicken&quot; TV spot tagline)
* July third, every dad can be a hero (American &quot;Happy Father's Day&quot; TV spot tagline)
* June twenty-eighth/July third... from Illumination Entertainment (International/American &quot;Fire Alarm&quot; TV spot tagline)
* On July third, celebrate the red, the white and the Gru (American &quot;Celebrate&quot; TV spot tagline)
* From the Creators of Hop and Dr Seuss the Lorax

==Voice Cast==
* [[w:Steve Carell|Steve Carell]] — Felonious Gru
* [[w:Kristen Wiig|Kristen Wiig]] — Agent Lucy Wilde
* [[Steve Coogan]] — Silas Ramsbottom
* [[Benjamin Bratt]] — Eduardo Perez/El Macho
* [[w:Miranda Cosgrove|Miranda Cosgrove]] — Margo Gru
* [[w:Elsie Fisher|Elsie Fisher]] — Agnes Gru
* [[w:Dana Gaier|Dana Gaier]] — Edith Gru
* [[Russell Brand]] — Doctor Nefario
* [[w:Moisés Arias|Moisés Arias]] — Antonio Perez
* [[w:Ken Jeong|Ken Jeong]] — Floyd Eaglesan
* [[w:Nasim Pedrad|Nasim Pedrad]] — Jillian
* [[w:Kristen Schaal|Kristen Schaal]] — Shannon
* [[w:Pierre Coffin|Pierre Coffin]] — Kevin, Bob, Stuart, Additional and Evil Minions
* [[w:Chris Renaud|Chris Renaud]] — Additional and Evil Minions, Italian waiter
* [[w:Nickolai Stoilov|Nickolai Stoilov]] — Arctic Lab Guards
* [[w:Vanessa Bayer|Vanessa Bayer]] — Flight Attendant

==External links==
{{wikipedia-inline|Despicable Me 2|''Despicable Me 2''}}
* {{IMDb title|1690953}}

{{Despicable Me}}

{{Authority control}}

[[Category:2013 computer-animated films]]
[[Category:2013 American animated films]]
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[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:Animated films about revenge]]
[[Category:Animated films set in California]]
[[Category:American sequel films]]
[[Category:Despicable Me]]
[[Category:Films directed by Chris Renaud]]
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    <title>Angela of Foligno</title>
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      <text bytes="13819" sha1="rr0jqe105j5pf7p5w8gkuvaf26qsx6f" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Selige Angela von Foligno.jpg|thumb|right|In that state I see myself as alone with God, totally cleansed, totally sanctified, totally true, totally upright, totally certain, totally celestial in him]]

[[w:Saint|Saint]] '''[[w: Angela of Foligno|Angela of Foligno]]''' T.O.S.F. ([[1248]] – 4 January [[1309]]) was a Christian author, Franciscan tertiary and [[mystic]] of the [[w: Catholic Church|Catholic Church]]. She is revered as, &quot;'''The Mistress of Theologians'''&quot;.

== Quotes ==

=== The Memorial and Instructions === 
:&lt;small&gt;Complete Works: Paulist Press, 1993&lt;/small&gt;

* EXTRAORDINARY EXPERIENCES OF GOD'S PRESENCE

* Sometimes God comes into the soul when it has neither called, prayed, or summoned him. and he instills into the soul and uncommon fire and love and sweetness in which it delights and rejoices greatly. The soul believes that the presence of God himself has cause this consolation, but this is not certain. But then the soul perceives that God is within itself - although it cannot see him inwardly - because it does sense and take delight in that his grace is present. Yet even this is not certain.&lt;br&gt;   But then the soul further perceives that God speaks to it with most sweet words that it delights in still more. And it rejoices because it feels God's presence. Yet some doubts still remain, but only a few. For as yet the soul possesses no perfect certainty that God is truly within it because other spirits can produce such conversation and feelings. So it still may be in doubt. It seems to me that this comes either from the soul's own wickedness and sinfulness, or else by the will of God, who does not want the soul to feel certain and secure.&lt;br&gt;But when the soul senses the the presence of God more deeply than usual, then it assures itself of his inward presence. The soul feels his presence with an understanding so marvelous and so profound and with such great love and divine fire that it loses all love for itself and for the body. It speaks and knows and understands things that it has never heard from any human being. And it understands with such great illumination that it can scarcely hold it's peace. If it does hold it's peace, it does so out of the abundance of it's zeal so that it my not displease God it's Lover, nor cause offence, and likewise by reason of it's humility. It does not want to speak of things so exceedingly high in order that it may not draw attention to itself.

* In a vision I beheld the fullness of God in which I beheld and comprehended the whole creation, that is, what is on this side and what is beyond the sea, the abyss, the sea itself, and everything else. And in everything that I saw, I could perceive nothing except the presence of the power of God, and in a manner totally indescribable. And my soul in an excess of wonder cried out: &quot;This world is pregnant with God!&quot; Wherefore I understood how small is the whole of creation -- that is, what is on this side and what is beyond the sea, the abyss, the sea itself, and everything else -- but the power of God fills it all to overflowing.
** pp. 169-170

* God is the one who leads me and elevates me to that state. I do not go to it on my own, for by myself I would not know how to want, desire, or seek it. I am now continually in this state. Furthermore, God very often elevates me to this state with no need, even, for my consent; for when I hope or expect it least, when I am not thinking about anything, suddenly my soul is elevated by God and I hold dominion over and comprehend the whole world. It seems, then, as if I am no longer on earth but in heaven, in God.
** pp. 214-216

* Even if at times I can still experience outwardly some little sadness and joy, nonetheless there is in my soul a chamber in which no joy, sadness, or enjoyment from any virtue, or delight over anything that can be named, enters. This is where the All Good, which is not any particular good, resides, and it is so much the All Good that there is no other good. Although I blaspheme by speaking about it -- and I speak about it so badly because I cannot find words to express it -- I nonetheless affirm that in this manifestation of God I discover the complete truth. In it, I understand and possess the complete truth that is in heaven and in hell, in the entire world, in every place, in all things, in every enjoyment in heaven and in every creature. And I see all this is so truly and certainly that no one could convince me otherwise. Even if the whole world were to tell me otherwise, I would laugh it to scorn. Furthermore, I saw the One who is and how he is the being of all creatures. I also saw how he made me capable of understanding those realities I have just spoken about better than when I saw them in that darkness which used to delight me so. Moreover, in that state I see myself as alone with God, totally cleansed, totally sanctified, totally true, totally upright, totally certain, totally celestial in him. And when I am in that state, I do not remember anything else…
** pp. 214-216

* When I am in that darkness I do not remember anything about anything human, or the God-man, or anything which has a form. Nevertheless, I see all and I see nothing. As what I have spoken of withdraws and stays with me, I see the God-man. He draws my soul with great gentleness and he sometimes says to me: &quot;You are I and I am you.&quot; I see, then, those eyes and that face so gracious and attractive as he leans to embrace me. In short, what proceeds from those eyes and that face is what I said that I saw in that previous darkness which comes from within, and which delights me so that I can say nothing about it. When I am in the God-man my soul is alive. And I am in the God-man much more than in the other vision of seeing God with darkness. The soul is alive in that vision concerning the God-man. The vision with darkness, however, draws me so much more that there is no comparison. On the other hand, I am in the God-man almost continually. It began in this continual fashion on a certain occasion when I was given the assurance that there was no intermediary between God and myself. Since that time there has not been a day or a night in which I did not continually experience this joy of the humanity of Christ.
** p. 205

* Likewise, divine goodness granted me, afterward, the grace that from two there was made one, because I could not will anything except as he himself willed. How great is the mercy of the one who realized this union! -- it almost completely stabilized my soul. I possessed God so fully that I was no longer in my previous customary state but was led to find a peace in which I was united with God and was content with everything.
** pp. 181-182

* No one can be saved without divine light. Divine light causes us to begin and to make progress, and it leads us to the summit of perfection. Therefore if you want to begin and to receive this divine light, pray. If you have begun to make progress and want this light to be intensified within you, pray. And if you have reached the summit of perfection, and want to be superillumined so as to remain in that state, pray.
** p. 234

* I saw a fullness, a brightness with which I felt myself so filled that words fail me, nor can I find anything to compare it with. I cannot tell you that I saw something with a bodily form, but he was as he is in heaven, namely, of such an indescribable beauty that I do not know how to describe it to you except as the Beauty and the All Good.
** pp. 151-152

* God presents himself in the inmost depths of my soul. I understand not only that he is present, but also how he is present in every creature and in everything that has being, in a devil and a good angel, in heaven and hell, in good deeds and in adultery or homicide, in all things, finally, which exist or have some degree of being, whether beautiful or ugly. She further said: I also understand that he is no less present in a devil than a good angel. Therefore, while I am in this truth, I take no less delight in seeing or understanding his presence in a devil or in an act of adultery than I do in a good angel or in a good deed. This mode of divine presence in my soul has become almost habitual. Moreover, this mode of God's presence illuminates my soul with such great truth and bestows on it such divine graces that when my soul is in this mode it cannot commit any offense, and it receives an abundance of divine gifts. Because of this understanding of God's presence my soul is greatly humiliated and ashamed of its sins. It is also granted deep wisdom, great divine consolation, and joy.
** pp. 212-213

* No matter how far the understanding of the soul is able to stretch itself, that is nothing in comparison to what it experiences when it is lifted beyond itself and placed in the bosom of God. Then the soul understands, finds its delight, and rests in the divine goodness; it cannot bring back any report of this, because it is completely beyond what the intelligence can conceive, and beyond words; but in this state the soul swims.
** p. 208

* And immediately upon presenting himself to the soul, God likewise discloses himself and expands the soul and gives it gifts and consolations which the soul has never before experienced, and which are far more profound than earlier ones. In this state, the soul is drawn out of all darkness and granted a greater awareness of God than I would have thought possible. This awareness is of such clarity, certitude, and abysmal profundity that there is no heart in the world that can ever in any way understand it or even conceive it. Even my own heart cannot think about it by itself, or ever return to it to understand or even conceive anything about it. This state occurs only when God, as a gift, elevates the soul to himself, for no heart by itself can in any way expand itself to attain it. Therefore, there is absolutely nothing that can be said about this experience, for no words can be found or invented to express or explain it; no expansion of thought or mind can possibly reach to those things, they are so far beyond everything -- for there is nothing which can explain God. I repeat there is absolutely nothing which can explain God. Christ's faithful one affirmed with utmost certitude and wanted it understood that there is absolutely nothing which can explain God.
** p. 213

* The soul cannot have true knowledge of God through its own efforts or by means of any created thing, but only by divine light and by a special gift of divine grace. I believe there is no quicker or easier way for the soul to obtain this divine grace from God, supreme Good and supreme Love, than by a devout, pure, humble, continual, and violent prayer.

* By prayer I mean not merely prayer from the mouth, but of the mind and heart, of all the powers of the soul and senses of the body. This is the prayer prayed by the soul who wills and desires to find this divine light, studying, meditating and reading without cease in the Book and the more-than-a-book of Life. This Book of Life is the entire life of Christ while he lived as a mortal on earth.
** p. 302

== Quotes about Angela ==
* Today I would like to speak to you about Blessed Angela of Foligno, a great medieval mystic who lived in the 13th century. People are usually fascinated by the consummate experience of union with God that she reached, but perhaps they give too little consideration to her first steps, her conversion and the long journey that led from her starting point, the &quot;great fear of hell&quot;, to her goal, total union with the Trinity. The first part of Angela's life was certainly not that of a fervent disciple of the Lord...for Blessed Angela the experience of union meant the total involvement of both the spiritual and physical senses and she was left with only a &quot;shadow&quot; in her mind, as it were, of what she had &quot;understood&quot; during her ecstasies. &quot;I truly heard these words&quot;, she confessed after a mystical ecstasy, but it is in no way possible for me to know or tell of what I saw and understood, or of what he [God] showed me, although I would willingly reveal what I understood with the words that I heard, but it was an absolutely ineffable abyss&quot;. Angela of Foligno presented her mystical &quot;life&quot;, without elaborating on it herself because these were divine illuminations that were communicated suddenly and unexpectedly to her soul. Her Friar confessor too had difficulty in reporting these events, &quot;partly because of her great and wonderful reserve concerning the divine gifts&quot; (ibid., p. 194). In addition to Angela's difficulty in expressing her mystical experience was the difficulty her listeners found in understanding her. It was a situation which showed clearly that the one true Teacher, Jesus, dwells in the heart of every believer and wants to take total possession of it. So it was with Angela, who wrote to a spiritual son: &quot;My son, if you were to see my heart you would be absolutely obliged to do everything God wants, because my heart is God's heart and God's heart is mine&quot;. Here St Paul's words ring out: &quot;It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me&quot; (Gal 2: 20).
** Pope BENEDICT XVI, GENERAL AUDIENCE (Saint Peter's Square, Wednesday, 13 October 2010)

* The redeeming character of Franciscan enthusiasm-it's ability to change, brace and expand the most unlikely spirits and impel them to exacting discipline and selfless work-are fully shown in her. 
** Evelyn Underhill in The Mystics of the Church Pub 1925. Republished James Clarke and co. Ltd. 1975.

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}

[[Category:1248 births]]
[[Category:1309 deaths]]
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[[Category:People from Umbria]]
[[Category:Catholics from Italy]]
[[Category:Christian saints]]
[[Category:Women authors from Italy]]
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    <title>List of films (A–C)</title>
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This is a '''list of films:'''
----
[[List of films (A–C)##|#]] - [[List of films (A–C)#A|A]] -
[[List of films (A–C)#B|B]] - [[List of films (A–C)#C|C]] -
[[List of films (D–F)#D|D]] - [[List of films (D–F)#E|E]] -
[[List of films (D–F)#F|F]] - [[List of films (G–I)#G|G]] -
[[List of films (G–I)#H|H]] - [[List of films (G–I)#I|I]] -
[[List of films (J–L)#J|J]] - [[List of films (J-L)#K|K]] -
[[List of films (J-L)#L|L]] - [[List of films (M-O)#M|M]] -
[[List of films (M-O)#N|N]] - [[List of films (M-O)#O|O]] -
[[List of films (P–S)#P|P]] - [[List of films (P–S)#Q|Q]] -
[[List of films (P–S)#R|R]] - [[List of films (P–S)#S|S]] -
[[List of films (T–V)#T|T]] - [[List of films (T–V)#U|U]] -
[[List of films (T–V)#V|V]] - [[List of films (W–Z)#W|W]] -
[[List of films (W–Z)#X|X]] - [[List of films (W–Z)#Y|Y]] -
[[List of films (W–Z)#Z|Z]]

==Existing==
===#===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-3}}
*''[[3 Idiots]]''
*''[[3 Ninjas (film)|3 Ninjas]]''
*''[[3 Ninjas Kick Back]]''
*''[[3 Ninjas Knuckle Up]]''
*''[[3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain]]''
*''[[3:10 to Yuma (2007 film)|3:10 to Yuma]]''
*''[[6 Years]]''
*''[[7 Faces of Dr. Lao]]''
*''[[8 Mile]]'' 
*''[[8 Seconds]]''
*''[[9 (2009 animated film)|9]]'' (2009 animated)
*''[[10 Rules for Sleeping Round]]''
*''[[10 Things I Hate About You]]''
*[[The 10th Kingdom|''10th Kingdom'', ''The'']]
*''[[12 Angry Men]]''
*''[[12 Years a Slave (film)|12 Years a Slave]]''
*''[[13 Going on 30]]''
{{col-3}}
*''[[13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi]]''
*[[The 13th Warrior|''13th Warrior'', ''The'']]
*''[[14 Carrot Rabbit]]''
*''[[17 Again]]''
*''[[20th Century Women]]''
*''[[21 Grams]]''
*''[[22 vs. Earth]]''
*''[[25th Hour]]''
*''[[27 Dresses]]''
*''[[28 Days Later]]''
*''[[28 Weeks Later]]''
*''[[30 Days of Night (film)|30 Days of Night]]''
{{col-3}}
*''[[40 Days and 40 Nights (film)|40 Days and 40 Nights]]''
*[[The 40 Year-Old Virgin|''40 Year-Old Virgin'', ''The'']]
*''[[50 First Dates]]''
*''[[50/50 (2011 film)|50/50]]'' (2011)
*[[The 400 Blows|''400 Blows'', ''The'']]
*''[[127 Hours]]''
*''[[300 (film)|300]]''
*''[[(500) Days of Summer]]''
*''[[1408 (film)|1408]]''
*''[[1941 (film)|1941]]''
*''[[1969 (film)|1969]]''
*''[[2001: A Space Odyssey]]''
*''[[2010: The Year We Make Contact]]''
*''[[2012 (film)|2012]]''
*''[[2046 (film)|2046]]''
*''[[2081 (film)|2081]]''
*''[[3000 Miles to Graceland]]''
*''[[20,000 Leagues Under the Sea (film)|20,000 Leagues Under the Sea]]''
*''[[The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T|5,000 Fingers of Dr. T, The]]''
{{Col-end}}

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-3}}
*''[[Abominable]]''
*''[[About Last Night...]]''
*''[[About Last Night (2014 film)|About Last Night]]''
*''[[About Schmidt]]''
*''[[About Time]]''
*''[[Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (film)|Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter]]''
*''[[Absence of Malice]]''
*''[[Absolute Power (film)|Absolute Power]]''
*''[[Absolutely Fabulous: The Movie]]''
*[[The Accidental Tourist (film)|''Accidental Tourist'', ''The'']]
*[[The Accused (1988 film)|''Accused'', ''The'']] (1988)
*''[[Ace Ventura: Pet Detective]]''
*''[[Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls]]''
*''[[Across the Universe]]''
*''[[Act of Valor]]''
*''[[Adam's Rib]]''
*[[The Addams Family|''Addams Family'', ''The'']] (1991)
* ''[[The Addams Family (2019 film)|Addams Family, The]]'' (2019)
* ''[[The Addams Family 2|Addams Family 2, The]]''
*[[The Adjustment Bureau|''Adjustment Bureau'', ''The'']]
*[[The Adventures of Pinocchio (1996 film)|''Adventures of Pinocchio'', ''The'']] (1996)
*[[The Adventures of Robin Hood (film)|''Adventures of Robin Hood'', ''The'']]
*[[The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle|''Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle'', ''The'']]
*''[[The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes (film)|Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, The]]''
*[[The Adventures of Tintin (film)|''Adventures of Tintin'', ''The'']]
*[[The Affair of the Necklace|''Affair of the Necklace'', ''The'']]
*''[[A Simple Wish]]''
*''[[After Dark, My Sweet]]''
*''[[After Everything (2018 film)|After Everything]]'' (2018)
*''[[After Hours (film)|After Hours]]''
*''[[After Sex]]''
*''[[Aftersun]]''
*''[[Age of Summer]]''
*''[[Aguirre, the Wrath of God]]''
*''[[A.I. Artificial Intelligence]]''
*''[[Air Bud]]''
*''[[Air Force One]]''
*''[[Airplane!]]''
*''[[Airplane II: The Sequel]]''
*''[[Airport (film)|Airport]]''
*''[[Airport 1975]]''
*''[[Airport '77]]''
*''[[Akeelah and the Bee]]''
*''[[Akira]]''
*''[[Aladdin (film)|Aladdin]]''
* ''[[Aladdin (2019 film)|Aladdin]]'' (2019)
*''[[Aladdin and the King of Thieves]]''
*[[The Alamo (1960 film)|''Alamo'', ''The'']] (1960)
*''[[Alaska (1996 film)|Alaska]]'' (1996)
*''[[Albatross (film)|Albatross]]''
*''[[Albino Alligator]]''
*''[[Allegro Non Troppo]]''
*''[[Alexander (film)|Alexander]]''
*''[[Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day (film)|Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day]]''
*''[[Alfie (1966 film)|Alfie]]'' (1966)
*''[[Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore]]''
*''[[Alice in Wonderland (1915 film)|Alice in Wonderland]]'' (1915)
*''[[Alice in Wonderland (1951 film)|Alice in Wonderland]]'' (1951)
*''[[Alice in Wonderland (1976 film)|Alice in Wonderland]]'' (1976)
*''[[Alice in Wonderland (2010 film)|Alice in Wonderland]]'' (2010)
* ''[[Alice Through the Looking Glass (film)|Alice Through the Looking Glass]]''
*''[[Alien (film)|Alien]]''
*''[[Alien 3]]''
*''[[Aliens (1986 film)|Aliens]]'' (1986)
*''[[Aliens in the Attic]]''
* ''[[Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem]]''
*''[[Alive (1993 film)|Alive]]'' (1993)
*''[[All a Bir-r-r-d]]''
*''[[All About Eve]]''
*''[[All About My Mother]]''
*''[[All About Steve (film)|All About Steve]]''
*''[[All American Bikini Car Wash]]''
{{Col-3}}
*''[[All Dogs Go to Heaven]]''
*''[[All Dogs Go to Heaven 2]]''
*''[[All of Me]]''
*''[[All Quiet on the Western Front (film)|All Quiet on the Western Front]]'' (1930)
*''[[All Quiet on the Western Front (1979 film)|All Quiet on the Western Front]]'' (1979)
*''[[All Quiet on the Western Front (2022 film)|All Quiet on the Western Front]]'' (2022)
*''[[All Summers End]]''
*''[[All the Bright Places (2012 film)|All the Bright Places]]''
*''[[All the President's Men]]''
*''[[All the Right Moves]]''
*''[[Almost Famous]]''
*''[[Almost Heroes]]''
*''[[Aloha (2015 film)|Aloha]]''
*''[[Along Came a Spider]]''
*''[[Along for the Ride (film)|Along for the Ride]]''
*''[[Alpha Dog]]''
*''[[Alpha and Omega]]''
*''[[Alvin and the Chipmunks (film)|Alvin and the Chipmunks]]''
*''[[Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked]]''
*''[[Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip]]''
*''[[Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel]]''
*''[[Always Be My Maybe]]''
*''[[Am I OK?]]''
* ''[[The Amazing Panda Adventure|Amazing Panda Adventure, The]]''
*[[The Amazing Spider-Man (2012 film)|''Amazing Spider-Man'', ''The'']] (2012)
*[[The Amazing Spider-Man 2|''Amazing Spider-Man 2'', ''The'']]
*''[[American Beauty]]''
*''[[America (1924 film)|America]]'' (1924)
*''[[America (2014 film)|America]]'' (2014)
*''[[American Chai]]''
*''[[American Fiction (film)|American Fiction]]''
*''[[American Gangster (film)|American Gangster]]''
*''[[American Graffiti]]''
*''[[American High School (2009 film)|American High School]]''
*''[[American History X]]''
*''[[American Honey (film)|American Honey]]''
*''[[American Hustle (2013 film)|American Hustle]]'' (2013)
*[[An American in Paris|''American in Paris'', ''An'']]
*''[[American Made (film)|American Made]]''
*''[[American Me]]''
*''[[American Pie (film)|American Pie]]''
*''[[American Pie 2]]''
*''[[American Pie Presents: Band Camp]]''
*''[[American Pie Presents: Beta House]]''
*''[[American Pie Presents: Girls' Rules]]''
*''[[American Pie Presents: The Book Of love]]''
*''[[American Pie Presents: The Naked Mile]]''
*''[[American Psycho]]''
*''[[American Reunion]]''
*''[[American Sniper (film)|American Sniper]]''
*[[An American Tail|''American Tail'', ''An'']]
*[[An American Tail: Fievel Goes West|''American Tail: Fievel Goes West'', ''An'']]
*''[[American Wedding]]''
*[[The Americanization of Emily|''Americanization of Emily'', ''The'']]
*''[[Amistad (film)|Amistad]]''
*[[The Amityville Horror (2005 film)|''Amityville Horror'', ''The'']] (2005)
*''[[Amour (2012 film)|Amour]]'' (2012)
* ''[[Anaconda]]''
* ''[[Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid]]''
* ''[[Analyze This]]''
*''[[Anastasia (1997 film)|Anastasia]]'' (1997)
*''[[Anatomy of a Murder]]''
*''[[Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy]]''
*''[[Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues]]''
*''[[...And Justice for All (film)|…And Justice For All]]''
*''[[And the Band Played On (film)|And the Band Played On]]''
*''[[Angel Eyes]]''
*''[[Angel Heart]]''
*''[[Angels &amp; Demons (film)|Angels &amp; Demons]]''
*''[[Angels in the Outfield (1994 film)|Angels in the Outfield]]'' (1994)
*''[[Angels Over Broadway]]''
*''[[Angels with Dirty Faces]]''
*''[[Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging]]''
{{Col-3}}
*''[[The Angry Birds Movie|Angry Birds Movie, The]]''
* ''[[The Angry Birds Movie 2|Angry Birds Movie 2, The]]''
*''[[Animal Farm (1999 film)|Animal Farm]]'' (1999)
*''[[Animal Crackers]]''
*''[[Animal House]]''
*''[[Anna and the King]]''
*''[[Anna Karenina (2012 film)|Anna Karenina]]'' (2012)
*''[[Annie (2014 film)]]''
*''[[Annie (musical)|Annie]]''
*''[[Annie Hall]]''
*''[[Anora]]''
*''[[Another Cinderella Story]]''
*[[The Ant Bully (film)|''Ant Bully'', ''The'']]
*''[[Antitrust]]''
*''[[Ant-Man (film)|Ant-Man]]''
*''[[Antwone Fisher (film)|Antwone Fisher]]''
*''[[Antz]]''
*''[[Anyone But You]]''
*''[[Anything's Possible (2022 film)|Anything's Possible]]''
*''[[Apocalypse Now]]''
*''[[Apocalypto]]''
*''[[Apollo 13]]''
*''[[Apt Pupil (film)|Apt Pupil]]''
*''[[Aquaman (film)|Aquaman]]''
*''[[Architecture Life Dialogue]]''
*''[[Are We Done Yet?]]''
*''[[Are We There Yet? (film)|Are We There Yet?]]''
*''[[Argo (2012 film)|Argo]]'' (2012)
*[[The Aristocats|''Aristocats'', ''The'']]
*[[The Art of Racing in the Rain (film)|''Art of Racing in the Rain'', ''The'']]
*''[[Armageddon (film)|Armageddon]]''
*''[[Around the World in 80 Days (1956 film)|Around the World in 80 Days]]'' (1956)
*''[[Around the World in 80 Days (2004 film)|Around the World in 80 Days]]'' (2004)
*''[[Arrival (film)|Arrival]]''
*''[[Arsenic and Old Lace]]''
*''[[Arthur (film)|Arthur]]''
*''[[As Good As It Gets]]''
*''[[Ask Me to Dance (2022 film)|Ask Me to Dance]]''
*''[[Assassination Games]]''
*''[[Assassination of a High School President]]''
*[[The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford|''Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford'', ''The'']]
*''[[At First Sight]]''
*''[[Atlantic City (1980 film)|Atlantic City]]'' (1980)
*''[[Atlantis: The Lost Empire]]''
*''[[ATM (film)|ATM]]''
*''[[Atonement (film)|Atonement]]''
*''[[Attack of the 50 Foot Woman]]''
*''[[Attack of the Crab Monsters]]''
*''[[Attack of the Giant Leeches]]''
*''[[Atoll K]]''
*''[[Au revoir les enfants]]''
*''[[August Rush]]''
*''[[Auntie Mame]]''
*''[[Austin Powers in Goldmember]]''
*''[[Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery]]''
*''[[Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me]]''
*''[[Australia (film)|Australia]]''
*''[[Avalon (1990 film)|Avalon]]'' (1990)
*''[[Avatar (2009 film)|Avatar]]''
*''[[Avatar: The Way of Water]]''
*[[The Avengers (2012 film)|''Avengers'', ''The'']] (2012)
*''[[Avengers: Age of Ultron]]''
*''[[Avengers: Endgame]]''
*''[[Avengers: Infinity War]]''
*[[The Aviator|''Aviator'', ''The'']]
*''[[Away from Her]]''
*''[[That Awkward Moment|Awkward Moment, That]]''
*''[[Awkward Sexy People]]''
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-3}}
*''[[Babar: The Movie]]''
*''[[Babar: King of the Elephants]]''
*''[[Babe (film)|Babe]]''
*''[[Babe: Pig in the City]]''
*[[The Babe|''Babe'', ''The'']]
*''[[Babylon A.D]]''
*''[[Bachelor Mother]]''
*''[[Bachelorette]]''
*''[[Back to School]]''
*''[[Back to School with Franklin]]''
*''[[Back to the Future]]''
*''[[Back to the Future Part II]]''
*''[[Back to the Future Part III]]''
*''[[Backdraft (film)|Backdraft]]''
*[[The Bad and the Beautiful|''Bad and the Beautiful'', ''The'']] 
*''[[Bad Boys (1995 film)|Bad Boys]]'' (1995)
*''[[Bad Boys II]]''
*''[[Bad Day at Black Rock]]''
*''[[Bad Moms]]''
*''[[Bad Neighbors (2014 film)|Bad Neighbors]]'' (2014)
*''[[Bad Neighbors 2]]''
*''[[Bad Santa]]''
*''[[Bad Taste]]''
*''[[Badlands (film)|Badlands]]''
*''[[Balto]]''
*''[[Bambi]]''
*''[[Bambi II]]''
*''[[Banana Split (2018 film)|Banana Split]]''
*''[[Bananas (film)|Bananas]]''
*''[[The Banshees of Inisherin|Banshees of Inisherin, The]]''
*''[[Barbarella]]''
*''[[Barbarian (2022 film)|Barbarian]]'' (2022) 
*''[[Barcelona (film)|Barcelona]]''
*''[[Barely Legal (2011 film)|Barely Legal]]''
*''[[Barney's Great Adventure]]''
*''[[Barry Lyndon]]''
*''[[Barton Fink]]''
*''[[BASEketball]]''
*''[[Basic Instinct (film)|Basic Instinct]]''
*''[[Basic Instinct 2]]''
*''[[Batman (1989 film)|Batman]]'' (1989)
*''[[Batman Begins]]''
*''[[Batman Forever]]''
*''[[Batman Returns]]''
*''[[Batman &amp; Robin (film)|Batman and Robin]]''
*''[[Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice]]''
*''[[Battle Beyond the Stars]]''
*''[[Battle: Los Angeles]]''
*''[[The Battle of Algiers|Battle of Algiers, The]]''
*[[The Battle of San Pietro|''Battle of San Pietro'', ''The'']]
*''[[Battle Royale]]''
*''[[Be Kind Rewind]]''
*[[The Beach|''Beach'', ''The'']]
*''[[Beaches (film)|Beaches]]''
*''[[Bean (1997 film)|Bean]]'' (1997)
*''[[Beasts of the Southern Wild]]''
*[[The Beast of Yucca Flats|''Beast of Yucca Flats'', ''The'']]
*''[[Beau Geste (1939 film)|Beau Geste]]'' (1939)
*''[[Beautiful Disaster (2023 film)|Beautiful Disaster]]''
*''[[Beautiful Girls (film)|Beautiful Girls]]''
*[[A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood|''Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood'', ''A'']]
*[[A Beautiful Mind (film)|''Beautiful Mind'', ''A'']]
*''[[Beautiful Thing]]''
*''[[Beautiful Wedding]]''
*''[[Beauty and the Beast (1991 film)|Beauty and the Beast]]'' (1991)
*''[[Beauty and the Beast (2017 film)|Beauty and the Beast]]'' (2017)
*''[[Beauty Shop]]''
*''[[Beavis and Butthead Do America]]''
*''[[Becoming Jane]]''
*''[[Bedazzled (1967 film)|Bedazzled]]'' (1967)
*''[[Bedazzled (2000 film)|Bedazzled]]'' (2000)
*''[[Bedknobs and Broomsticks]]''
*''[[Bedtime Stories (film)|Bedtime Stories]]''
*''[[Bee Movie]]''
*''[[Bee Season]]''
*''[[Beerfest]]''
*''[[Beetlejuice]]''
*''[[Before I Fall (film)|Before I Fall]]''
*''[[Before Midnight (film)|Before Midnight]]''
*''[[Before Sunrise]]''
*''[[Before Sunset]]''
*''[[Beginners]]''
*''[[Behind Enemy Lines]]''
*''[[Behind the Candelabra]]''
*''[[Being John Malkovich]]''
*''[[Being There]]''
*''[[Belfast (film)|Belfast]]''
*[[The Believer (film)|''Believer'', ''The'']]
*''[[Ben 10: Alien Swarm]]''
*''[[Ben 10: Destroy All Aliens]]''
*''[[Ben 10: Race Against Time]]''
*''[[Ben 10: Secret of the Omnitrix]]''
*''[[Ben-Hur (1959 film)|Ben-Hur]]'' (1959)
*''[[Bend It Like Beckham]]''
*''[[Benny &amp; Joon]]''
*''[[Beowulf]]''
{{Col-3}}
*''[[Berlin, I Love You]]''
*''[[Best in Show]]''
*''[[Best Laid Plans (1999 film)|Best Laid Plans]]''
*[[The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas|''Best Little Whorehouse in Texas'', ''The'']]
*''[[The Best of Me (2014 film)|Best of Me, The]]'' (2014)
*[[The Best Years of Our Lives|''Best Years of Our Lives'', ''The'']]
*''[[Better Off Dead]]''
*''[[Better Than Chocolate]]''
*[[A Better Tomorrow|''Better Tomorrow'', ''A'']]
*''[[Beverly Hills Chihuahua]]''
*''[[Beverly Hills Cop II]]''
*''[[Beverly Hills Cop III]]''
*''[[Beyond the Law (1993 film)|Beyond the Law]]'' (1993)
*''[[Beyond the Valley of the Dolls]]''
*''[[Beyond the Sea (film)|Beyond the Sea]]'' (2004)
*''[[Bicentennial Man (film)|Bicentennial Man]]''
*''[[Bicycle Thieves]]''
*''[[Big (film)|Big]]''
*[[The Big Chill (film)|''Big Chill'', ''The'']]
*''[[Big Daddy]]''
*[[The Big Easy (film)|''Big Easy'', ''The'']]
*''[[Big Fat Liar]]''
*''[[Big Fish]]''
*''[[Big Hero 6]]''
*[[The Big Lebowski|''Big Lebowski'', ''The'']]
*''[[Big Night]]''
*''[[The Big Red One|Big Red One, The]]''
*''[[The Big Short (film)|Big Short, The]]''
*[[The Big Sleep (1946 film)|''Big Sleep'', ''The'']] (1946)
*''[[Big Time Movie]]''
*''[[Big Top Bunny]]''
*''[[Big Top Pee-wee]]''
*''[[Big Trouble]]''
*''[[Big Trouble in Little China]]''
*''[[Bikini Model Academy]]''
*''[[Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey]]''
*''[[Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure]]''
*''[[Billy &amp; Mandy's Big Boogey Adventure]]''
*''[[Billy Elliot]]''
*''[[Billy Madison]]''
*''[[Birdman (film)|Birdman]]''
*''[[Birds of a Father]]''
* ''[[Birds of Prey (2020 film)|Birds of Prey (and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn)]]''
*[[The Birds|''Birds'', ''The'']]
*''[[Black Book]]''
*[[The Black Cat (1934 film)|''Black Cat'', ''The'']] (1934)
* [[The Black Cauldron|''Black Cauldron'', ''The'']]
*''[[Black Christmas (1974 film)|Black Christmas]]'' (1974)
*''[[Black Christmas (2006 film)|Black Christmas]]'' (2006)
*''[[Black Hawk Down]]''
*[[The Black Hole|''Black Hole'', ''The'']]
*''[[BlacKkKlansman]]''
* ''[[Black Panther (film)|Black Panther]]''
*''[[The Black Phone|Black Phone, The]]''
*''[[Black Rain]]''
*''[[Black Scorpion (film)|Black Scorpion]]'' (1995)
*''[[The Black Scorpion (film)|The Black Scorpion]]'' (1957)
*''[[Black Sheep]]''
*''[[Black Swan (film)|Black Swan]]''
*''[[Blackboard Jungle]]''
*''[[Blade (film)|Blade]]''
*''[[Blade II]]''
*''[[Blade Runner]]''
*''[[Blade: Trinity]]''
*''[[Blades of Glory (film)|Blades of Glory]]''
*[[The Blair Witch Project|''Blair Witch Project'', ''The'']]
*''[[Blazing Saddles]]''
*''[[Blind Date (1987 film)|Blind Date]]'' (1987)
*''[[Blind Dating]]''
*''[[Blinded by the Light (2019 film)|Blinded by the Light]]'' (2019)
*''[[Blinky Bill the Movie]]''
*[[The Blob|''Blob'', ''The'']] (1958)
*''[[Blockers (film)|Blockers]]''
*''[[Blood Diamond]]''
*''[[Blood Feast]]''
*''[[The Blood on Satan's Claw|Blood on Satan's Claw, The]]''
*''[[Blood Simple]]''
*''[[Blow (film)|Blow]]''
*''[[Blow Out]]''
*''[[Blown Away (1994 film)|Blown Away]]'' (1994)
*''[[Blue Chips]]''
*''[[Blue Collar (film)|Blue Collar]]''
*''[[The Blue Dahlia|Blue Dahlia, The]]''
*''[[Blue Jasmine]]''
*[[The Blue Lagoon|''Blue Lagoon'', ''The'']]
*''[[Blue Lagoon: The Awakening]]''
*''[[Blue Moon (2025 film)|Blue Moon]]''
*''[[Blue Velvet]]''
*''[[Blue's Big Musical Movie]]''
*[[The Blues Brothers|''Blues Brothers'', ''The'']]
*''[[Blues Brothers 2000]]''
*''[[Bob Marley: One Love]]''
*''[[Bohemian Rhapsody (film)|Bohemian Rhapsody]]''
*''[[Body Heat]]''
*''[[Body of Lies]]''
*''[[Boiler Room]]''
{{Col-3}}
*''[[The Bold Caballero|Bold Caballero, The]]''
*''[[Bolt (2008 film)|Bolt]]'' (2008)
*''[[Bonnie and Clyde]]''
*''[[Boogeyman]]''
*[[The Book of Life (2014 film)|''Book of Life'', ''The'']]
*[[The Book of Pooh: Stories from the Heart|''Book of Pooh: Stories from the Heart'', ''The'']]
*''[[Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2]]''
*[[The Book Thief (film)|''Book Thief'', ''The'']]
*''[[Booksmart]]'' 
*[[The Boondock Saints|''Boondock Saints'', ''The'']]
*''[[Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan]]''
*''[[Borat Subsequent Moviefilm]]''
*''[[Born Guilty]]''
*''[[Born on the Fourth of July]]''
*[[The Boss (2016 film)|''Boss'', ''The'']] (2016)
* [[The Boss Baby: Family Business|''Boss Baby: Family Business'', ''The'']]
*''[[Bottle Rocket]]''
*''[[Bottoms (film)|Bottoms]]''
*''[[Bound]]''
*''[[The Bounty Hunter (2010 film)|Bounty Hunter, The]]'' (2010)
*[[The Bourne Identity|''Bourne Identity'', ''The'']]
*[[The Bourne Legacy|''Bourne Legacy'', ''The'']]
*[[The Bourne Supremacy|''Bourne Supremacy'', ''The'']]
*[[The Bourne Ultimatum|''Bourne Ultimatum'', ''The'']]
*''[[Bowling for Columbine]]''
*''[[Box-Office Bunny]]''
*[[A Boy Named Charlie Brown|''Boy Named Charlie Brown'', ''A'']]
*''[[Boyhood (film)|Boyhood]]''
*[[The Boys from Brazil (film)|''Boys from Brazil'', ''The'']]
* ''[[The Boys Next Door (1985 film)|Boys Next Door, The]]''
*''[[Boys Town (film)|Boys Town]]''
*''[[Boyz n the Hood]]''
*''[[Braindead]]''
*''[[Brassed Off]]''
*''[[Brave (2012 film)|Brave]]'' (2012)
*''[[Braveheart]]''
*''[[The Brave Little Toaster (film)|Brave Little Toaster, The]]''
*''[[The Brave Little Toaster Goes to Mars|Brave Little Toaster, The Goes to Mars]]''
*''[[Brazil (film)|Brazil]]''
*''[[Breakfast at Tiffany's]]''
*[[The Breakfast Club|''Breakfast Club'', ''The'']]
*''[[Breaking Away]]''
*''[[Breaking Up]]''
*''[[Breakthrough (2019 film)|Breakthrough]]''
*''[[Brian's Song]]''
*''[[Bride of Chucky]]''
*''[[Bride Wars]]''
*''[[Bridge of Spies (film)|Bridge of Spies]]''
*[[The Bridge on the River Kwai|''Bridge on the River Kwai'', ''The'']]
*''[[Bridge to Terabithia (2007 film)|Bridge to Terabithia]]'' (2007)
*''[[Bridget Jones's Diary]]''
*''[[Bring It On (film)|Bring It On]]''
*''[[Bring It On Again]]''
*''[[Bring It On: All or Nothing]]''
*''[[Bring It On: Cheer or Die]]''
*''[[Bring It On: Fight to the Finish]]''
*''[[Bring It On: In It to Win It]]''
*''[[Bring It On: Worldwide Cheersmack]]''
*''[[Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia]]''
*''[[Bringing Up Baby]]''
*''[[Broadcast News (film)|Broadcast News]]''
*''[[Brokeback Mountain]]''
*''[[Broken Arrow]]''
*''[[The Broken Hearts Gallery|Broken Hearts Gallery, The]]''
*[[A Bronx Tale|''Bronx Tale'', ''A'']]
*[[Brooklyn (film)|''Brooklyn'']]
*''[[Brothers (2009 film)|Brothers]]'' (2009)
*''[[Brother Bear]]''
*''[[Brother Bear 2]]''
*[[The Brothers Grimm|''Brothers Grimm'', ''The'']]
*[[The Brothers McMullen|''Brothers McMullen'', ''The'']]
*[[The Brothers Solomon|''Brothers Solomon'', ''The'']]
*''[[Brubaker]]''
*''[[Bruce Almighty]]''
*''[[The Brutalist]]''
*''[[Buckaroo Banzai]]''
*[[The Bucket List|''Bucket List'', ''The'']]
*''[[Buffalo '66]]''
*''[[Buffy the Vampire Slayer (film)|Buffy the Vampire Slayer]]''
*''[[Bug (film)|Bug]]''
* [[A Bug's Life|''Bug's Life'', ''A'']]
*''[[Bugonia (film)|Bugonia]]''
*''[[Bull Durham]]''
*''[[The Bullfighters|Bullfighters, The]]''
*''[[Bullitt]]''
*''[[Burn After Reading]]''
*''[[Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee (film)|Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee]]''
*''[[But I'm a Cheerleader]]''
*''[[Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid]]''
*[[The Butterfly Effect|''Butterfly Effect'', ''The'']]
*''[[By Dawn's Early Light]]''
*''[[Byron (film)|Byron]]''
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-3}}
*''[[Cats|Cats (1998 film)]]''
*''[[Cabin Fever]]''
*[[The Cabin in the Woods|''Cabin in the Woods'', ''The'']]
*[[The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari|''Cabinet of Dr. Caligari'', ''The'']]
*[[The Cable Guy|''Cable Guy'', ''The'']]
*''[[Caddyshack]]''
*[[The Caine Mutiny (film)|''Caine Mutiny'', ''The'']]
*''[[Camelot (film)|Camelot]]''
*''[[Camille (1936 film)|Camille]]'' (1936)
*''[[Camp Lazlo: Where's Lazlo?]]''
*''[[Camp Rock]]'' 
*''[[Can't Buy Me Love]]''
*''[[Can't Hardly Wait]]''
*''[[Canadian Bacon]]''
*''[[The Candidate (1972 film)|Candidate, The]]'' (1972)
*''[[Candy (2006 film)|Candy]]'' (2006)
*''[[Can You Keep a Secret? (2019 film?|Can You Keep a Secret?]]''
*''[[Cape Fear (1991 film)|Cape Fear]]'' (1991)
*''[[Capote (film)|Capote]]'' (2005)
*''[[Capricorn One]]''
*''[[Captain America: Civil War]]''
*''[[Captain America: The First Avenger]]''
*''[[Captain America: The Winter Soldier]]''
*''[[Captain Phillips (film)|Captain Phillips]]''
*[[The Care Bears Movie|''Care Bears Movie'', ''The'']]
*''[[Care Bears Movie II: A New Generation]]''
*''[[Carlito's Way]]''
*''[[Carnal Knowledge]]''
*''[[Carol (film)|Carol]]''
*''[[Carrie (1976 film)|Carrie]]'' (1976)
*''[[Carrie (2002 film)|Carrie]]'' (2002)
*''[[Carrie (2013 film)|Carrie]]'' (2013)
*''[[Carrotblanca]]''
*''[[Cars (film)|Cars]]''
*''[[Cars 2]]''
*''[[Cars 3]]''
*''[[Casablanca (film)|Casablanca]]''
*''[[Casanova]]''
*''[[Casino (film)|Casino]]''
*''[[Cast Away]]''
*''[[Casualties of War]]''
*[[The Cat in the Hat (film)|''Cat in the Hat'', ''The'']] (2003)
*''[[Cat on a Hot Tin Roof (film)|Cat on a Hot Tin Roof]]''
*''[[Cat People (1942 film)|Cat People]]'' (1942)
*[[The Cat Returns|''Cat Returns'', ''The'']]
*''[[Catch-22 (film)|Catch-22]]''
*''[[Catch Me If You Can]]''
*''[[Cats &amp; Dogs]]''
*''[[Cats &amp; Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore]]''
*''[[Cats Don't Dance]]''
*''[[Catwoman]]''
*''[[Cecil B. Demented]]''
*''[[Chairman of the Board (film)|Chairman of the Board]]''
*''[[Champion (1949 film)|Champion]]'' (1949)
*''[[Changing Lanes]]''
*''[[Channel Chasers]]''
*''[[Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (film)|Charlie and the Chocolate Factory]]'' (2005)
*''[[Charlie's Angels (film)|Charlie's Angels]]''
*''[[Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle]]''
*''[[Charlie Wilson's War]]''
*''[[Chariots of Fire]]''
*''[[Charlotte's Web (1973 film)|Charlotte's Web]]'' (1973)
*''[[Chasing Amy]]''
*''[[Chasing Liberty]]''
*''[[Cheaper by the Dozen (1950 film)|Cheaper by the Dozen]]'' (1950)
*''[[Cheaper by the Dozen (2003 film)|Cheaper by the Dozen]]'' (2003)
*''[[Cheaper by the Dozen 2]]''
*''[[Cheech &amp; Chong's Next Movie]]''
*''[[Cheech &amp; Chong's The Corsican Brothers]]''
*''[[Cheer Squad Secrets (2020 film)|Cheer Squad Secrets]]'' (2020)
*''[[The Cheerleader Escort (film)|Cheerleader Escort, The]]''
*''[[Chef (2014 film)|Chef]]''
*''[[Chemical Hearts]]''
*''[[Chicago (2002 film)|Chicago]]'' (2002)
*''[[Chicken Little (1943 film)|Chicken Little]]'' (1943)
*''[[Chicken Little (2005 film)|Chicken Little]]'' (2005)
*''[[Chicken Run]]''
{{Col-3}}
*''[[Children of Dune (film)|Children of Dune]]''
*''[[Children of Men]]''
*''[[Children of Paradise]]''
*''[[Children of the Corn (1984 film)|Children of the Corn]]''
*[[The Children's Hour|''Children's Hour'', ''The'']]
*''[[Child's Play]]''
*''[[Child's Play 2]]''
*''[[Child's Play 3]]''
*''[[China Seas (film)|China Seas]]''
*''[[Chinatown (film)|Chinatown]]''
*''[[Chitty Chitty Bang Bang]]''
*''[[Chloe (film)|Chloe]]''
*''[[Chocolat]]''
*''[[Choke]]''
*''[[A Chorus Line (film)|Chorus Line, A]]''
*''[[Christine (1983 film)|Christine]]''
*[[A Christmas Carol (2009 film)|''Christmas Carol'', ''A'']] (2009)
*[[A Christmas Story|''Christmas Story'', ''A'']]
*''[[Christmas with the Kranks]]''
*''[[Chronicle (film)|Chronicle]]''
*[[The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian|''Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian'', ''The'']]
*[[The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe|''Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe'', ''The'']]
*[[The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader|''Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader'', ''The'']]
*[[The Chronicles of Riddick|''Chronicles of Riddick'', ''The'']]
*[[The Chumscrubber|''Chumscrubber'', ''The'']]
*''[[Chungking Express]]''
*[[The Cider House Rules|''Cider House Rules'', ''The'']]
*''[[The Cincinnati Kid|Cincinnati Kid, The]]''
*''[[Cinderella (1950 film)|Cinderella]]'' (1950)
*''[[Cinderella II: Dreams Come True]]'' (2002)
*''[[Cinderella III: A Twist in Time]]''
*''[[Cinderella (2015 film)|Cinderella]]'' (2015)
*[[A Cinderella Story|''Cinderella Story'', ''A'']]
*''[[Circle (2015 film)|Circle]]''
*''[[Citizen Kane]]''
*''[[City of Angels]]''
*''[[City of Ember]]''
*''[[City on Fire (1979 film)|City on Fire]]'' (1979)
*''[[City of God]]''
*''[[City Slickers]]''
*''[[Clash of the Titans (1981 film)|Clash of the Titans]]'' (1985)
*''[[Clash of the Titans (2010 film)|Clash of the Titans]]'' (2010)
*''[[Class of Nuke 'Em High]]''
*''[[Class Rank (2017 film)|Class Rank]]''
*''[[Claws in the Lease]]''
*''[[Clean and Sober]]''
*''[[Clear and Present Danger]]''
*''[[Cleopatra (1963 film)|Cleopatra]]'' (1963)
*''[[Click]]''
*''[[Clifford the Big Red Dog (film)|Clifford the Big Red Dog]]''
*[[The Client|''Client'', ''The'']]
*''[[Clerks (film)|Clerks]]''
*''[[Clerks II]]''
*''[[Clockwise (film)|Clockwise]]''
*[[A Clockwork Orange|''Clockwork Orange'', ''A'']]
*''[[Close Encounters Of The Third Kind]]''
*''[[A Close Shave|Close Shave, A]]''
*''[[Closer (film)|Closer]]''
*''[[Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs (film)|Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs]]''
*''[[Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2]]''
*''[[Cloverfield]]''
*''[[Clue (film)|Clue]]''
*''[[Clueless]]''
*''[[Coach Carter]]''
*''[[Cobra (1986 film)|Cobra]]'' (1986)
*''[[Cocktail (film)|Cocktail]]''
*''[[Coco (2017 film)|Coco]]''
*''[[Cold Mountain]]''
{{Col-3}}
*''[[Collateral (film)|Collateral]]''
*''[[The Color Purple (1985 film)|Color Purple, The]]'' (1985)
*''[[The Color Purple (2023 film)|Color Purple, The]]'' (2023)
*''[[Coma (1978 film)|Coma]]'' 
*''[[Coming Home]]''
*''[[Commando (film)|Commando]]''
*[[The Commitments|''Commitments'', ''The'']]
*''[[A Complete Unknown]]''
*''[[Compulsion (film)|Compulsion]]''
*''[[Con Air]]''
*''[[Conan the Barbarian (film)|Conan the Barbarian]]''
*''[[Conan the Destroyer]]''
*''[[Conclave (film)|Conclave]]''
*''[[Coneheads]]''
*''[[Confessions of a Dangerous Mind]]''
*''[[Confetti (film)|Confetti]]''
*''[[Congo (film)|Congo]]'' (1995)
*''[[Conquest of Space]]''
*''[[Conspiracy Theory]]''
*[[The Constant Gardener (film)|''Constant Gardener'', ''The'']]
*''[[Constantine (film)|Constantine]]''
*''[[Contact (film)|Contact]]''
*''[[Contagion (film)|Contagion]]''
*''[[Control (2007 film)|Control]]'' (2007)
*''[[Cool and the Crazy‎]]''
*''[[Cool Hand Luke]]''
*''[[Cool Runnings]]''
*''[[Cool World]]''
*''[[Coonskin (film)|Coonskin]]''
*''[[Cop and a Half]]''
*''[[Coraline (film)|Coraline]]''
*[[The Core|''Core'', ''The'']]
*''[[Corpse Bride]]''
*''[[Cougar Club]]''
*''[[Couples Retreat]]''
*''[[Courage Under Fire]]''
*[[The Court Jester|''Court Jester'', ''The'']]
*[[The Count of Monte Cristo (2002 film)|''Count of Monte Cristo'', ''The'']] (2002)
*''[[The Country Girl (1954 film)|Country Girl, The]]'' (1954)
*[[The Courtship Of Eddie's Father|''Courtship Of Eddie's Father'', ''The'']] (1963)
*[[The Covenant|''Covenant'', ''The'']]
*''[[Cowboy Bebop: The Movie]]''
*''[[Coyote Ugly]]''
*[[The Craft (film)|''Craft'', ''The'']]
*''[[Crank]]''
*''[[Crash (2004 film)|Crash]]'' (2004)
*''[[Crazy Rich Asians (film)|Crazy Rich Asians]]''
*''[[Crimes and Misdemeanors]]''
*''[[Crimewave]]''
*''[[Crimson Tide]]''
*''[[Criss Cross (1949 film)|Criss Cross]]'' (1949)
*''[[Crocodile Dundee]]''
*''[[Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles]]''
*[[The Croods|''Croods'', ''The'']]
*[[The Croods: A New Age|''Croods: A New Age, The'']]
*''[[Cross of Iron]]''
*''[[Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon]]''
*''[[Croupier (film)|Croupier]]''
*[[The Crow|''Crow'', ''The'']]
*[[The Crow: City of Angels|''Crow: City Of Angels'', ''The'']]
*''[[CRSHD]]''
*[[The Crucible (1996 film)|''Crucible'', ''The'']] (1996)
*''[[Cruel Intentions]]''
*''[[Cruella (film)|Cruella]]''
*''[[Cry Freedom]]''
*''[[Cry Wolf]]''
*[[The Crying Game|''Crying Game'', ''The'']]
*''[[Cube (film)|Cube]]''
*''[[Cube 2: Hypercube]]''
*''[[Cube Zero]]''
*''[[Cult of the Cobra]]''
*[[The Cure (1995 film)|''Cure'', ''The'']] (1995)
*[[The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (film)|''Curious Case of Benjamin Button'', ''The'']]
*''[[Curious George (film)|Curious George]]''
*''[[Cursed (2005 film)|Cursed]]'' (2005)
*[[The Cutting Edge|''Cutting Edge'', ''The'']]
{{Col-end}}

==Requested==
===#===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-3}}
* ''[[100 Days (1991)|100 Days]]'' (1991)
* ''[[100 Days (2001)|100 Days]]'' (2001)
* ''[[10,000 BC]]''
* ''[[The 11th Hour|11th Hour, The]]''
* ''[[13 Moons]]''
* ''[[15 Minutes]]''
* ''[[16 Years of Alcohol]]''
* ''[[187 (film)|187]]''
{{col-3}}
* ''[[18000 Dead in Gordon Head]]''
* ''[[24 (film)|24]]''
* ''[[3 O'Clock High]]''
* ''[[300 Pound Beauty]]''
* ''[[5 centimeters per second]]''
* ''[[5x2]]''
* ''[[51st State, The]]''
* ''[[55 Days at Peking]]''
{{col-3}}
* ''[[7 Samurai]]''
* ''[[7 Years In Tibet]]''
* ''[[84 Charing Cross Road]]''
* ''[[88 Minutes]]''
* ''[[800 Bullets]]''
* ''[[61*]]''
* ''[[9 (film)|9]]''
* ''[[99 franks]]''
{{Col-end}}

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-3}}
* ''[[Ace Ventura, Jr.: Pet Detective]]''
* ''[[The Accidental Spy|Accidental Spy, The]]''
* ''[[The Actors|Actors, The]]''
* ''[[Addicted to Love (film)|Addicted to Love]]''
* ''[[Adjustment Bureau, The]]''
* ''[[The Adventures of Don Juan|Adventures of Don Juan, The]]''
* ''[[Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad, The]]''
* ''[[Adventures of Milo and Otis, The]]''
* ''[[Afterglow]]''
* ''[[Against the Ropes]]''
* ''[[Age of Adaline]]''
* ''[[Akaler Sandhane (a.k.a. In Search of Famine)]]''
* ''[[The Alamo (2004 film)|Alamo, The]]'' (2004)
* ''[[Alexander Nevsky]]''
* ''[[Alexandra's Project]]''
* ''[[Alias Betty]]''
* ''[[Alien Autopsy]]''
{{col-3}}
* ''[[Alien Nation]]''
* ''[[Alien: Resurrection]]''
* ''[[Aliens of the Deep]]''
* ''[[All About the Benjamins]]''
* ''[[All or Nothing]]''
* ''[[All the Pretty Horses]]''
* ''[[All the Bright Places]]''
* ''[[All the Queen's Men]]''
* ''[[Almost Peaceful]]''
* ''[[Alone in the Dark]]''
* ''[[Alucarda]]''
* ''[[Amati Girls, The]]''
* ''[[Amazing Grace]]''
* ''[[The Amazing Maurice|Amazing Maurice, The]]''
* ''[[The American Friend|American Friend, The]]''
* ''[[American Yakuza]]''
* ''[[An American Rhapsody]]''
{{col-3}}
* ''[[Andre (film)|Andre]]''
* ''[[Angel-A]]''
* ''[[Anniversary Party, The]]''
* ''[[Another Gay Movie]]''
* ''[[Antz 2]]''
* ''[[Any Way the Wind Blows]]''
* ''[[Apartment Zero]]''
* ''[[Apollo 18]]''
* ''[[Arabian Knight]]'' (aka ''The Thief and the Cobbler'')
* ''[[Arctic Antics]]''
* ''[[Ark Encounter]]''
* ''[[Artemis Fowl (film)|Artemis Fowl]]''
* ''[[Artists and Models]]''
* ''[[Astronaut Farmer, The]]''
* ''[[Athadu]]''
* ''[[Attack On Leningrad]]''
* ''[[Autumn in New York]]''
* ''[[Anuvahood]]''
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-3}}
* ''[[Baby Boom]]''
* ''[[Babyboy]]''
* ''[[Baby Mama]]''
* ''[[Bad Teacher]]''
* ''[[The Baltimore Bullet|Baltimore Bullet, The]]''
* ''[[Basketball Diaries]]''
* ''[[Barnyard]]''
* ''[[Barry Munday]]''
* ''[[Battle for Terra]]''
* ''[[Beaches]]''
* ''[[The Beautician and the Beast|Beautician and the Beast, The]]''
* ''[[The Beast|Beast, The]]'' (1988)
* ''[[Beautiful People]]''
* ''[[Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Christmas]]''
* ''[[Beauty and the Beast: Belle's Magical World]]''
* ''[[The Beaver|Beaver, The]]''
* ''[[The Beaver Trilogy|Beaver Trilogy, The]]''
* ''[[Because I Said So]]''
* ''[[Because of Winn-Dixie]]''
* ''[[Be Cool]]''
* ''[[The BFG (2016 film)|BFG, The]]''
* ''[[Before Night Falls]]''
* ''[[Behind the Red Door]]''
* ''[[The Belko Experiment|Belko Experiment, The]]''
* ''[[Berget på månens baksida]]'' (also known as ''[[A Hill on the Dark Side of the Moon]]'')
* ''[[Better Luck Tomorrow]]''
* [[A Better Tomorrow II|''Better Tomorrow II'', ''A'']]
* [[A Better Tomorrow III|''Better Tomorrow III'', ''A'']]
* ''[[Bewitched (2005 film)|Bewitched]]''
* ''[[Beyond the Gates]]''
* ''[[Big Ass Spider!]]''
{{col-3}}
* [[The Big Bounce|''Big Bounce'', ''The'']]
*''[[Big Booty Latinas]]''
* ''[[Big Kahuna, The]]''
* ''[[Big Money Hustlas]]''
* ''[[Big Shot's Funeral]]''
* ''[[Big Time]]''
* ''[[Bigger Than Life]]''
* [[''The Bingo Long Traveling All-Stars &amp; Motor Kings|''Bingo Long Traveling All-Stars &amp; Motor Kings'', ''The'']]
* ''[[Bio-Dome]]''
* ''[[Birthday Girl]]''
* ''[[Bitch Slap]]''
* ''[[Bitter Victory]]''
* ''[[Black Chicks Talking]]''
* ''[[Black Snake Moan]]''
* [[The Black Stallion|''Black Stallion'', ''The'']]
* ''[[Blame It on Rio]]''
* ''[[Blended (film)|Blended]]''
* ''[[Bless the Child (2000)|Bless the Child]]'' (2000)
* ''[[Bless the Child (2003)|Bless the Child]]'' (2003)
* ''[[Blind Beast vs. Dwarf]]''
* [[The Blind Side (film)|''Blind Side'', ''The'']]
* ''[[Blood and Chocolate]]''
* ''[[Blood In Blood Out]]''
* [[The Blood of Hussain|''Blood of Hussain'', ''The'']]
* ''[[BloodRayne]]''
* ''[[BloodRayne 2 Deliverence]]''
* ''[[Bloodsport]]''
* ''[[Blue Car]]''
* [[The Blue Diner|''Blue Diner'', ''The'']]
* ''[[Blue Hill Avenue]]''
* ''[[Blue Streak]]''
* ''[[Blue Valentine]]''
* ''[[Bobby]]''
{{col-3}}
* ''[[Bob's Burgers Movie, The]]''
* ''[[Bon Cop, Bad Cop]]''
* [[The Bone Collector|''Bone Collector'', ''The'']]
* ''[[Born to Be Bad (1934)|Born to Be Bad]]'' (1934)
* ''[[Born to Be Bad (1950)|Born to Be Bad]]'' (1950)
* ''[[Bottle Shock]]''
* [[The Bounty Hunter (1954 film)|''Bounty Hunter'', ''The'']] (1954)
* ''[[Brain Dead]]''
* ''[[Bread and Milk]]''
* ''[[Breakfast of Champions]]''
* ''[[Break-Up, The]]''
* [[The Breed (2001 film)|''Breed'', ''The'']] (2001)
* [[The Breed (2006 film)|''Breed'', ''The'']] (2006)
* ''[[Bride &amp; Prejudice]]''
* ''[[Bride of the Wind]]''
* [[A Bridge Too Far|''Bridge Too Far'', ''A'']]
* ''[[Brief Crossing]]''
* ''[[Brigham City]]''
* ''[[Bright Young Things]]''
* ''[[Brink!]]''
* ''[[Brokedown Palace]]''
* ''[[Bronco Billy]]''
* ''[[Brother (film)|Brother]]''
* ''[[Brotherhood of the Wolf]]''
* ''[[Brown Sugar]]''
* [[The Brylcreem Boys|''Brylcreem Boys'', ''The'']]
* ''[[Buffalo Soldier]]''
* ''[[Buying the Cow]]''
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-3}}
*''[[Camp (2003 film)|Camp]]'' (2003)
*''[[Candyman (1992 film)|Candyman]]'' (1992)
*''[[Candyman (2021 film)|Candyman]]'' (2021)
*''[[Candyman: Farewell to the Flesh|Candyman 2: Farewell to the Flesh]]''
*''[[Candyman 3: Day of the Dead]]''
*''[[Candyman 4: Festival of the Terror]]''
*''[[Cannibal! The Musical]]''
*''[[Carbon Copy]]''
*''[[Carpool (film)|Carpool]]''
*[[The Carry On Series|''Carry On Series'', ''The'']]
*''[[Catch That Kid]]''
*''[[Cats (1998 film)]]''
*''[[Cats (2019 film)|Cats]]''
*''[[Catfight]]''
*''[[Chutiya Mat Bana]]''
*''[[The Castle of Cagliostro]]''
*[[The Cat's Meow|''Cat's Meow'', ''The'']]
*''[[Center Stage]]''
*''[[Chances Are]]''
{{col-3}}
*''[[Chandni Bar]]''
*[[The Changeling (film)|''Changeling'', ''The'']]
*''[[Charly]]''
*''[[Chaos (film)|Chaos]]''
*''[[Cheats (film)|Cheats]]''
*''[[Chick (1928 film)|Chick]]'' (1928)
*''[[Chick (1936 film)|Chick]]'' (1936)
*''[[Chisum]]''
*''[[Chopper (film)|Chopper]]''
*''[[Christmas Vacation]]''
*''[[Churchill (2017 film)|Churchill]]''
*''[[Cinderella (1957 film)|Cinderella]]'' (1957)
*''[[City Slickers II]]''
*''[[Cinderella Man]]''
*''[[Cobra (1925 film)|Cobra]]'' (1925)
*''[[Cobra (2012 film)|Cobra]]'' (2012)
*''[[Cobra (2014 film)|Cobra]]'' (2014)
*[[The Cobra (film)|''Cobra'', ''The'']] (1967)
*''[[College Road Trip]]''
*''[[Colors: Green Grass &amp; Blue Sky]]''
{{col-3}}
*''[[Come and see (1985 film)]]'' (1985)
*''[[Control (1987 film)|Control]]'' (1987)
*''[[Control (2004 film)|Control]]'' (2004)
*''[[Control (2005 film)|Control]]'' (2005)
*''[[Control (2013 film)|Control]]'' (2013)
*''[[Conversations with My Gardener]]''
*''[[Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen]]''
*''[[Confessions of Shopaholic (film)|Confessions of Shopaholic]]''
*[[The Conjuring|''Conjuring'', ''The'']]
*[[The Counterfeiters|''Counterfeiters'', ''The'']]
*''[[C.R.A.Z.Y.]]''
*''[[The Crew|Crew, The]]''
*''[[Crocodile Dundee II]]''
*[[The Crow: Salvation|''Crow: Salvation'', ''The'']]
*[[The Crow: Wicked Prayer|''Crow: Wicked Prayer'', ''The'']]
*''[[Crowing Pains]]''
*''[[Cujo (film)|Cujo]]''
*''[[Curious George 2: Follow That Monkey]]''
*''[[Cutthroat Island]]''
*''[[Cypher (film)|Cypher]]''
{{Col-end}}

==See also==
{{media lists}}
* [[w:AFI's 100 Years...100 Movie Quotes|AFI's 100 Years...100 Movie Quotes]] (greatest movie quotes)
*[[List of films (D–F)]]
*[[List of films (G–I)]]
*[[List of films (J–L)]]
*[[List of films (M–O)]]
*[[List of films (P–S)]]
*[[List of films (T–V)]]
*[[List of films (W–Z)]]

[[Category:Films|*]]
[[Category:Lists|films]]
[[Category:Lists of films]]</text>
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'''''[[Teen Titans (TV series)|Teen Titans]]''''' Season 1 (2003).

==Episodes 1–13==
=== ''Divide and Conquer'' [1.01] ===
:'''Beast Boy''': teen titans go sucks
:'''Robin''': And I can think of five good reasons why you don't want to break in.
:''[Robin leaps across the floor and lands in a crouch.]''
:'''Robin''': One!
:''[Now Starfire swoops and lands.]''
:'''Starfire''': Two!
:''[Beast Boy, as a tiger, lunges in. And when he comes down, he quickly changes into human form.]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Three!
:''[Next, Raven drops in.]''
:'''Raven''': Four!
:''[Finally, Cyborg jumps in.]''
:'''Cyborg''': Five!
:'''Robin''': No matter how you do the math, it all adds up to you going down. So, are you going to go quietly…
:'''Cyborg''': …Or is this gonna get loud? 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Robin''': Want to give this guy the Sonic Boom?
:'''Cyborg''': I got the Sonic if you got the Boom.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Beast Boy''': Jailbreak? I don't see any jailbreak.
:'''Robin''': None of us would have seen one if Cyborg hadn't messed up!
:'''Cyborg''': Me? I messed up nothing! You got in my way!
:'''Robin''': You were too far forward, and Cinderblock got away because of it!
:'''Cyborg''': You saying this is my fault?
:'''Robin''': Want me to say it again?
:'''Starfire''': Stop! No more mean talking!
:'''Beast Boy''': Yeah. If you two are gonna fight, we need time to sell tickets.
:'''Raven''': Cinderblock escaped. No amount of yelling will change that. So stop acting like idiots, and let's go home.
:'''Robin &amp; Cyborg''': Hmph!
:''[They stride away]''
:'''Robin''': Loser.
:'''Cyborg''': Jerk.
:'''Robin &amp; Cyborg''': '''''WHAT'D YOU SAY?!'''''
:'''Robin''': You got a problem, tin man?!
:'''Cyborg''': Yeah! It's four feet tall and smells like cheap hair gel!
:'''Robin''': Well, you're an oversized klutz and your feet smell like motor oil!
:'''Cyborg''': You're bossy, you're rude, you got no taste in music!
:'''Robin''': I don't even know why you're on this team!
:'''Cyborg''': That makes two of us! I '''''QUIT!'''''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Cyborg''': ''[answering machine]'' This is Cyborg. I'm either in the gym, playing GameStation, or kicking bad-guy butt. Leave a message. ''[Beep.]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Come on, Cy, pick up. I know you're there. The phone's built into your arm!
:'''Starfire''': Taste. ''[Starfire puts it into his mouth and he spits it out.]''
:'''Beast Boy''': What is that? Cream of toenails?
:'''Starfire''': Pudding of Sadness. It is what the people of my planet eat when bad things happen. ''[Takes a spoonful herself and then turns to Raven]'' Try. The displeasing taste will ease your troubled mind.
:'''Raven''': My mind is never troubled. People come, people go. It's pointless to be upset about Cyborg.
:''[All the monitors crack; a sudden display of her powers]''
:'''Raven''': What?
:'''Starfire''': Here, Robin. You must need this most of all since… well…
:'''Robin''': I'm fine. Who knows? Maybe we're better off without him.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Cyborg''': I still got the Sonic if you still got the Boom.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Robin &amp; Cyborg''': Teen Titans! Go!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Robin''': Look, uh… sorry about…
:'''Cyborg''': Yeah.
:'''Robin''': So… are we cool?
:'''Cyborg''': Frosty. ''[As they tap fists.]''
:'''Starfire''': You made up! Glorious! I wish to initiate a group hug.
:'''Raven''': Pass.
:'''Beast Boy''': Yeah, yeah, yeah, warm fuzzies all around. But we still gotta stop Cinderblock.
:'''Cyborg''': No, we don't. Thought I'd bring a present, 'case you were still mad.
:''[Cinderblock is wrapped in steel and being hoist up by a crane.]''
:'''Robin''': Thanks. But there is one thing that's still bothering me. Breaking into jail? Using Plasmus to distract us? The whole plan seems to be a little too smart for Cinderblock.
:'''Cyborg''': I've been thinking the same thing.
:'''Robin''': Someone must have been pulling the strings. But who?
:'''Cyborg''': Well, whoever they are… they're no match for the Teen Titans. ''[He and Robin trade a high five.]''
:'''Robin''': I heard that!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Next time, my plans ''will'' succeed. And the Titans ''will'' pay.

=== ''Sisters'' [1.02] ===
:'''Starfire''': ''[Gasps]'' Beautiful, tell me again what they are called?
:'''Robin''': Fireworks.
:'''Starfire''': On my home planet, such explosions would mean the Gordanians were attacking. You are sure certain Earth is not under attack?
:'''Robin''': Positive. Cotton candy? ''[Offers some]''
:'''Starfire''': The last time I ate a ball of cotton, it was white, and it did not taste very-
:'''Robin''': This is different. ''[he pulls off a piece and eats it]''
:'''Starfire''': ''[She eats some]'' Mmmm… ''[Squeal]'' It vanished!
:'''Robin''': ''[Chuckles]'' Yeah, it'll do that.
:'''Starfire''': ''[Sighs]'' When I first came to this planet, I did not think I would ever fit in. Earth was full of strange things. But now, I see that-
:'''Robin''': Here comes the finale! Yes!
:''[In the sky, the display of fireworks are being presented as the finale.]''
:'''Robin''': Whoo-hoo-hoo! Ah, amazing!
:'''Starfire''': Earth is full of amazing things, too.
:'''Robin''': Best planet I've ever been to. ''[a pink squid-like bot flies out of nowhere and grabs Starfire]'' STARFIRE!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Starfire''': Friends! I invite you to join me in the togetherness of a stay-home movie night. I bring you popcorn and non-cotton candies. Tell me, what sort of movie shall we view?
:'''Robin''': Action.
:'''Beast Boy''': Comedy.
:'''Cyborg''': Sci-fi.
:'''Raven''': Horror.
:''[Starfire drops her load of goodies]''
:'''Starfire''': Perhaps a double feature?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Blackfire''': ''[Chuckles]'' Now don't tell me you big tough superheroes are afraid of a little dancing.
:'''Beast Boy''': Betcha Cyborg can do the Robot.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Raven''': This party is pointless.
:'''Goth Boy''': Everything's pointless. Wanna go talk about it?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Starfire''': Perhaps I do not belong here after all.
:'''Robin''': Of course you don't. You belong down there, having fun with the rest of us. What's wrong?
:'''Starfire''': Nothing is wrong. Everything is wonderful. ''[He sits by her.]'' The pounding music and blinding lights are quite enjoyable. Everything is not wonderful. I am happy to see her, but Blackfire rules the video games, and she is able to share very depressing poems, and she knows the cool moves, and she always knows when people are not talking about shovels. ''[sighs.]'' And I am ''nothing'' like her.
:'''Robin''': No, you're not. And I think-
:'''Blackfire''': ''[wearing a bright pink wig]'' How do I look?
:'''Robin''': Pink. Look, can you give us a minute here?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Centauri 2''': By the name of the Grand Centauri Empire, you are all under arrest. ''[pulls out a badge]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Uh, you can't be the good guys. ''We're'' the good guys.
:'''Centauri 2''': And we are Centauri Police.
:'''Centauri 1''': The Tamaranean girl is a liar and a thief! ''[points to Starfire]'' She's committed high crimes throughout the entire Centauri system.
:'''Starfire''': I have never even been to the Centauri Moons.
:'''Robin''': But I know someone who has. 
:''[He takes the necklace off Starfire, showing the gem Blackfire gave her earlier. Starfire gasps.]'' 
:'''Robin''': ''[to the police giving back the necklace]'' You've been chasing the wrong girl. ''[turns to the others]'' Where's Blackfire?
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[sees a dark figure zooming through the sky]'' Uh...
:'''Robin''': Don't worry, Starfire. She won't get away with this!
:'''Starfire''': No, she will ''NOT!''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Starfire''': Hello, sister.
:'''Blackfire''': Aww, you're mad. I know, I should have told you I was leaving, but you know how I hate goodbyes and-
:'''Starfire''': You are a criminal, and you were going to let me take your place in jail!
:'''Blackfire''': Oh… well… yeah.
:'''Starfire''': You will give back what you have stolen and turn yourself over to the police!
:'''Blackfire''': And what will you do if I don't?
:''[Blackfire warms up a starbolt and lets her have it.]''
:'''Blackfire''': I always was the better fighter.
:'''Starfire''': Not anymore!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Robin''': Hey. How are you doing?
:'''Starfire''': I am… sad for my sister.
:'''Robin''': And for yourself?
:'''Starfire''': I am just glad that the truth was discovered before I was replaced.
:'''Robin''': What are you talking about?
:'''Starfire''': Well, you… everyone was having such fun with her, and then Cyborg said-
:'''Robin''': Look. Your sister was... interesting, but she could never take your place. No one could ''ever'' take your place.

=== ''Final Exam'' [1.03] ===
:'''Cyborg''': How could you lose the remote?
:'''Beast Boy''': What makes you so sure I lost it?
:'''Cyborg''': Uh, 'cause you're you.
:'''Beast Boy''': Hey! Just because I lost that video game-
:'''Cyborg''': -and the waffle iron.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Cyborg''': Come on, man, how could you deny me the all-meat experience?
:'''Beast Boy''': Dude, I've ''been'' most of those animals!
:'''Starfire''': I suggest a large pizza with pickles, bananas, and mint frosting.
:'''Robin''': Uh, Starfire, not everything on the menu is a pizza topping.
:'''Starfire''': Oh.
:'''Cyborg''': Double pepperoni!
:'''Beast Boy''': I'm not eating meat!
:'''Cyborg''': There's no meat in pepperoni!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Beast Boy''': Noooo! This is the worst thing that could ever happen! My tunes, they've been... alphabetized. How am l ever gonna find anything?
:'''Raven''': They went in my room. No one should ''ever'' go into my room.    
:'''Starfire''': ''[gasps as she pops up from the kitchen counter]'' Someone has disposed of all our blue furry food!    
:'''Cyborg''': ''[lifts the couch]'' You gotta be kidding me! The whole place gets cleaned and l still can't find the ---    
:''[Robin whistles, and points at the remote, who's in the coffee table.]''
:'''Cyborg''': Ha! ''[sets the couch down. As Robin is switching channels, his teammates sit in the couch]'' l guess we really oughta be training for battles, tracking down clues, and trying to figure out who Slade is, huh?    
:'''Robin''': We will. But right now, l'm just happy to be part of the team.    

=== ''Forces of Nature'' [1.04] ===
''[After Beast Boy accidentally pranks Starfire]''
:'''Starfire''': Is this punishment? I did something wrong?
:'''Raven''': You didn't. ''He'' did.
:'''Beast Boy''': Star, it was... You weren't supposed to... I didn't... Heh, just remember to change that oil every 3,000 miles. Heh heh.
:'''Starfire''': On my planet we have a name for those who do such horrible things! You are a...A ''KLORBAG VARBLENELK!''
:'''Beast Boy''': I'm a what-bag??
:'''Cyborg''': You heard the lady.
:'''Raven''': You are ''such'' a klorbag.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Beast Boy crawls out as a spider from under a pile of rubble that seemingly fell on top of Starfire. Turns back into normal form]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Star? Starfire? Where are you? ''[climbs down]'' Come on! Gimme a sign here! ''[He starts to dig.]'' You have to be alright, okay? 'Cause I-it was just a joke, you know? Back at the Tower, and...I'm sorry. I never said it, but I'm really, really sorry. It was supposed to be funny. And you could've been hurt, and... ''[softly]'' ...I'm a total klorbag. 
:''[A shadow comes over him. Beast Boy looks over his shoulder]'' 
:'''Beast Boy''': Huh?
:''[It is revealed to Starfire who is standing behind him]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Starfire!
:''[Turns into kitten again and jumps into her arms]''
:'''Starfire''': ''[laughs]'' I am glad you are unharmed as well.
:''[Beast Boy takes normal form again]''
:'''Beast Boy''': I am so sorry. You gotta forgive me.
:'''Starfire''': I already have. Now those evil brothers must be made to apologize.
:'''Beast Boy''': I don't think they ''are'' evil. I think they're just like me.

=== ''The Sum of His Parts'' [1.05] ===
:'''Cyborg''': Mmm-mmm. Would you look at that. A little sunshine, a little breeze. Only one thing could make this day better. Four and a half pounds of baby back ribs! Man, I love picnic food!
:'''Starfire''': Agreed, Cyborg. This tangy yellow beverage is truly delightful.
:'''Cyborg''': Um .. Starfire?
:'''Robin''': That's [[wikipedia:Mustard|mustard]].
:'''Starfire''': Is there more?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Starfire''': Cyborg? Cyborg!
:'''Raven''': What's wrong with him?
:'''Beast Boy''': Is he gonna be okay?
:'''Robin''': Shh. I think he's coming to. Cyborg! Are you all right? ''[He and Starfire pulls him up.]''
:'''Cyborg''': Yeah. ''[Grunts]'' Thanks.
:'''Raven''': What happened?
:'''Cyborg''': Something musta gone wrong with my systems. ''[Checks his power cell.]'' Oh, man! My power cell's dying.
:'''Starfire''': Dying?!?
:'''Cyborg''': It's only a battery. I'm fine. Happens every couple of years. Just a natural part of being unnatural.
:'''Robin''': So what do we do?
:'''Cyborg''': You keep playing. I go home and change batteries. ''[He starts walking away.]''
:'''Beast Boy''': You sure you don't want help?
:'''Cyborg''': Just 'cause I can't have fun doesn't mean y'all can't.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fixit''': Charging is complete. The new power cell is functioning properly.
:'''Cyborg''': Yeah. I'm feeling better. Lots better.
:'''Fixit''': Of course you are. I am Fixit. Things come to me broken. I make repairs. Let me see. Yes...yes...hmm...pity. Interesting. The damage is too extensive. Perhaps if we can find another processor.
:'''Cyborg''': Well, thanks...for everything.
:'''Fixit''': You cannot leave.
:'''Cyborg''': I can't?
:'''Fixit''': You are not repaired, not fully.
:'''Cyborg''': I'm not?
:'''Fixit''': My examination revealed many flaws, serious flaws.
:'''Cyborg''': Serious? How serious? What's wrong with me?
:'''Fixit''': There is no cause for alarm. More repairs are needed. More repairs will be made.
:'''Cyborg''': But, I feel fine. Are you sure I'm-?
:'''Fixit''': Quite. Will you remain? It is for the best.
:'''Cyborg''': Well, yeah, I guess. Let me just tell my friends where I am.
:''[Fix it sabotage his systems as he jammed his communications.]''
:'''Cyborg''': Whoa! Something really is wrong with me.
:'''Fixit''': Rest now. You may contact your friends later. I am sure they are not too concerned.
:'''Cyborg''': Maybe they should be.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fixit''': So... beautiful. I had forgotten how beautiful... a world... through your eyes...
:'''Cyborg''': Through ''human'' eyes.

=== ''Nevermore'' [1.06] ===
:'''Beast Boy''': So, where are we?
:'''Cyborg''': You're asking the wrong robot. My sensors must be on the blank cause they're sayin' we're in Titans Tower.
:'''Beast Boy''': Riiight. So how do we get back?
:'''Cyborg''': Guess we start walking.
:'''Beast Boy''': Come on! I'm serious. We're on a rock in the middle of- ''[He gets cut off by rocks forming a path in front of the two]'' Oh. If sending us to Weirdsville is Raven's idea of a joke, I am ''so'' not laughing.
:'''Cyborg''': Hey, she didn't send us here! You're the one who went snooping in her room and popping zits in her magic mirror!
:'''Beast Boy''': Who booby traps a ''mirror?''
:'''Cyborg''': Maybe it wasn't a trap, maybe its Raven's way home. Maybe this is where she's from.
:'''Beast Boy''': Definitely creepy enough.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[After being narrowly saved from falling nevermore by the ground turning 180 degrees]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Raven?! How did-- Where-- What just-- Why are you wearing ''pink?''
:'''Happy Raven''': 'Cause it's my favorite colour?
:'''Beast Boy''': It ''is?''
:'''Cyborg''': Look, I'd love to talk fashion, but I don't suppose you'd know how to get home?
:'''Happy Raven''': The Forbidden Door. It's the only way out. But you don't wanna go there. Not now.
:'''Beast Boy, Cyborg''': Uh... yeah, we do!
:'''Happy Raven''': Okay, but don't say I didn't warn you!
:''[She leads them to the door, pretending to be an aeroplane. Cyborg and Beast Boy follow her]''
:'''Cyborg''': Have you ever seen her ''this'' happy?
:'''Beast Boy''': Dude, I didn't even think Raven could ''do'' happy.

=== ''Switched'' [1.07] ===
:'''Cyborg''': ''[About the puppets]'' Aww, isn't that cute? Puppet Cy has a light-up eye.
:'''Robin''': Yeah. They got all the details just right.
:'''Beast Boy''': Speak for yourself! I'm way better looking than ''this''. And taller.
:'''Raven''': Someone certainly has a lot of time on their hands.
:'''Starfire''': ''[giggles]'' I have never seen such a whimsical device. ''[voicing puppet Starfire]'' &quot;Hello, Starfire&quot;. ''[normal voice]'' Hello, tiny wooden replica of Starfire!
:'''Beast Boy''': Dude, my puppet is totally kicking your puppet's butt!
:'''Robin''': Not for long. 
:''[his puppet pushes Beast Boy's puppet and it accidentally hits Cyborg's puppet]''
:'''Cyborg''': You wanna piece of me little man?
:'''Robin''': Come on, show me whatcha got, Beast Boy!
:'''Raven''': Boys...
:'''Starfire''': Shall my tiny replica do battle with your tiny replica?
:'''Raven''': ''[tosses her puppet to her]'' Knock yourself out.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Starfire''': ''[voiceover; whispering]'' The boys! Raven, what are we gonna…?
:''[Raven, now in Starfire's body, pulls on a string, turning the light on. She stares at Starfire, who is in her own body]''
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': Starfire?
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Raven?! ''[gasps]'' You're me! ''[gasps again as she looks at herself]'' And I'm you!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Oh, Raven, this is awful! ''Terribly'', ''horribly'' awful!
:''[As Raven climbs out, they walk down a path. Starfire gradually panics as she talks, causing the black telekinesis to bend three parking meters, makes two boxes shoot out sheets of newspaper like geysers, and a mailbox to melt]''
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': Tell me about it.
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Very well. Robin, Cyborg and Beast Boy have been trapped inside tiny wooden bodies, while a nasty creature called the Puppet King has taken control of their real bodies, which he's using to hunt us down, and you and I are in the wrong bodies, and… ''[gasps as Raven puts her hand on her shoulder]''
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': Starfire! You have to calm down. My powers are driven by emotions. The more you feel, the more energy you unleash.
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': But what if they find us? What if our friends are doomed? And what if I'm stuck, looking like this forever?! 
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': We'll fix it. I don't know how, but we'll rescue the boys, and we'll get our bodies back. What's wrong with the way I look?
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Nothing.
:''[As Starfire holds her hands up, a walk sign explodes]''
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': I'll try to calm down. ''[closes her eyes as she sighs, then spreads her arms out]'' Peace, quiet, tranquil…
:''[A blast causes a car to get launched in the air, then crash lands on its roof on the road]''
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': We're so doomed.
:''[An eagle screech from Beast Boy as an eagle. The duo look up as Starfire points]''
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Beast Boy!
:''[He dives in after the girls]''
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': You mean ''zombie'' Beast Boy. &lt;big&gt;'''''Run!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[The girls run in an alley. Still in Starfire's body, Raven flaps her arms and jumps, as if trying to fly]''
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': Fly! Fly!
:''[The girls slow to a walk]''
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': We cannot fight them again. I do not wish to, and in our present condition we would surely be defeated!
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': OK, how do you fly this thing?
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': You must ''feel'' flight. 
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': What? 
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': When you feel the unbridled joy of flight, you will fly!
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': Unbridled joy...Not really my thing. 
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Look!
:''[They spot zombie Beast Boy]''
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': What do I have to feel to use star bolts?
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Righteous fury!
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': Your alien strength?
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Boundless confidence!
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': Never mind.

=== ''Deep Six'' [1.08] ===
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[In reply to Starfire's comment about the marine life]'' If you think ''that's'' cool, wait till you see me out there kicking butt! First, I'm goin' shark. 
:''[He starts snapping his jaws, mimicking a shark. Cyborg presses the 'off' switch controlling Beast Boy's microphone]''
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[Now muffled]'' Hey! What just...is this thing on?! Hey, cut it out!
:'''Cyborg''': ''[Turns it back on]'' Goodness me, I seem to have accidentally switched off Beast Boy's microphone.
:'''Raven''': Could you go ahead and accidentally ''leave'' it off?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[As a squid, chasing the Titans as they sink]'' I got it, I got it! ''[Two whales pass him]'' Huh? ''[The two whales save the Titans]'' ''They'' got it? How come ''they'' got it?
:'''Aqualad''': Because I asked for their help.
:'''Beast Boy''': You talk to fish? Yeah right!
:'''Aqualad''': I'm talking to you, aren't I?
:'''Beast Boy''': Well I, uh... technically I'm a squid.

=== ''Masks'' [1.09] ===
:'''Robin''': Tell Slade if he wants this, he can come get it himself!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Robin''': Now talk! Who's Slade? Why does he want this chip? And why are you working...for...him?
:'''Slade''': Excellent work, Robin.
:'''Robin''': Slade!
:'''Slade''': Really, I think your skills are improving.
:'''Robin''': No more games! What do you want?
:'''Slade''': But you do lack patience. If you're really so curious about my intentions, perhaps we should meet face to face.
:'''Robin''': Tell me where you're hiding and I'll be there in a heartbeat!
:'''Slade''': Patience, Robin. Patience.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Beast Boy''': O.K, all work and no flicks makes me a dull Beast Boy. So my fellow couch potatoes, what'll it be? Super Ninja Showdown 8? Or Maniac Fury: Attack of the Protozoids?
:'''Raven''': ''[Sarcastically]'' Gee. They both sound so good.
:'''Cyborg''': Yeah, it's really hard to pick. Wanna watch 'em both?!
:'''Starfire''': Perhaps Robin would enjoy potatoing the couch with us? Tell me, is he-?
:'''Beast Boy''': -In the exact same place he's been since his little chat session with Slade? Uh, yeah.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Starfire''': Robin? I am wondering if you might wish to-
:'''Robin''': No... thanks. But I need to figure out why Slade wanted that chip.
:'''Starfire''': Agreed; and perhaps if you were to take a break, the answer would be easier to-
:'''Robin''': I can't. You almost got hurt. Next time could be worse. He's planning something; I have to find out what.
:'''Starfire''': But Robin, I am sure that- ''[he closes the door]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Red X''': Rumor has it, you're interested in this.
:'''Slade''': I'm interested in many things, Mr. …
:'''Red X''': X. Red X.
:'''Slade''': Hmmm. Catchy. So, are you proposing a sale or a gift?
:'''Red X''': A partnership. I give you the chip, you cut me in on your plans.
:'''Slade''': Partnership. My, my, we are ambitious. But an alliance cannot be forged from one small chip. If you're going to win my trust, I'll require more.
:'''Red X''': Just tell me what you want.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Impressive, Red X. I tapped into the security cameras to catch your performance. You treated the Titans to quite a show.
:'''Red X''': Glad you enjoyed it. Is the audition over?
:'''Slade''': Patience. Trust is easy to destroy, but it takes time to build. One last test. Prove yourself and we'll meet to discuss your future.
:'''Red X''': Good.
:''[He takes the mask off, revealing himself to be Robin.]''
:'''Robin''': It's about time we met face to face.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Excellent work. Honestly, I couldn't have done better myself.
:'''Red X''': So, do we have a deal?
:'''Slade''': Indeed. You and I are so very much alike. It seems only natural that we should be partners.
:'''Red X''': What are they for? I need to know what we're planning… partner.
:'''Slade''': Patience. You can't expect me to trust you with such sensitive information right away… can you… ''Robin?''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Careful. I wouldn't want you getting hurt.
:'''Robin''': I'm not the one who's going to get hurt. Now hand them over!
:'''Slade''': Robin. I thought we had a deal.
:'''Robin''': Sorry. I have a strict rule against giving stolen technology to psychos.
:'''Slade''': How very noble of you. But stealing in order to trap me? That wasn't so noble. Two wrongs don't make a-
:'''Robin''': Don't ever lecture me! Whatever you're planning, Slade, it's over!
:'''Slade''': On the contrary, Robin, it's just begun.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Robin''': You… ''saved'' me?
:'''Slade''': I'm not through with you.
:''[He hauls Robin back up and tosses him across the rooftop. The brawl starts all over again, until Robin seems to have the upper hand.]''
:'''Robin''': This ends ''now!''
:''[He pulls the man's mask off. It's revealed to be another robot.]''
:'''Slade''': Patience, Robin. We'll meet face to face some other time. Oh, and speaking of time…
:''[The timer is set as the robot was about to self-destruct.]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Heh. At least he didn't get the chips.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Robin''': You want to yell at me, too? Everyone else has, and I don't blame them.
:'''Starfire''': I do not wish to yell, merely to understand. Robin, why did you not tell us the truth?
:'''Robin''': I needed to fool Slade. If you guys knew it was me under that mask, you guys would have held back. Doesn't matter anyway, Slade figured it out, and I haven't figured anything out about him.
:'''Starfire''': That is not true. Whoever Slade is, you and he are... similar. He did not trust you... and you did not trust us.

=== ''Mad Mod'' [1.10] ===
:'''Cyborg''': Make him laugh!
:'''Starfire''': ''[to Beast Boy]'' How many okarins does it take to hogie a morflark? Fimbar! Um... boogers?
:'''Beast Boy''': Hahahahaha! Boogers! Oh, man!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Starfire''': I cannot awaken Beast Boy. I have tried the tickling, all manners of bodily noises, and the word &quot;underpants&quot;. I fear that this time his brain is gone forever.
:'''Raven''': Beast Boy ''had'' a brain?
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[wakes up and laughs]'' Ha ha! Good one! ''[stops]'' Dude, that's not funny! I totally have a brain! I just don't use it much...

=== ''Car Trouble'' [1.11] ===
:'''Cyborg''': You lost my car?... My car lost a race?!
:'''Thief''': No way, we beat him easy. She handled like a dream!
:'''Cyborg''': She did? How'd she take the curves 'cause, Y'know, I've been working on the suspension, and-d-d-d-d- Don't try to distract me! Who has her now?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Raven''': Fourteen milkshakes. Not a good sign.
:'''Cyborg''': What are you doing here?
:'''Raven''': Looking for your car. Soon as we turned Overload in to the police, we all split up to search the city.
:'''Cyborg''': Might as well stop looking. T-Car’s probably halfway to Metropolis by now... from the day I designed her, I knew she was gonna be special. And I work so hard every fuel injector every spark plug. I made her perfect. I put my heart, my soul, and my circuits into this car. And now she's gone forever. Maybe you were right, maybe it was just a car.
:'''Raven''': Maybe. Maybe not. When I use my powers, I have to put a little of my soul into whatever I'm moving. I become a part of it, and it becomes a part of me. That's kinda what happened here. It wasn't just a car. It was… your baby.
:'''Cyborg''': Yeah. Thanks, Rae.
:''[Raven smiles]''
:'''Raven''': And someone's eating onion rings in your baby.
:'''Cyborg''': ''[Sees Gizmo drive off in his car]'' He'll get ketchup on the seats!

=== ''Apprentice'' ===
==== Part 1 [1.12] ====
:'''Slade''': Dangerous behavior, Robin. You must be very eager to see me. I'm flattered.
:'''Robin''': I'm not here to see you. I'm here to stop you.
:'''Slade''': Hmm. But how can you stop me, when you don't even know what I'm planning?
:'''Robin''': Like this.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Excellent, Robin. We appear to be evenly matched and equally ruthless. Not surprising. You and I are so very much alike.
:'''Robin''': I'm ''nothing'' like you! You're a criminal, a psychopath! All you care about is destruction!
:'''Slade''': And all you care about, you ''destroy''. ''[Showing the crumbled rocks that look like the Titans.]''
:'''Robin''': No... who are you?! ''[He rips off Slade's mask, revealing his own face laughing evilly. He wakes up]''
:'''Cyborg''': ''[offscreen]'' It's him. ''[He's behind the door.]'' It's Slade.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': ''[On computer screen]'' Good morning, Teen Titans. I do hope I didn't wake you.
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[Yawning]'' What are you, an insomniac? Who calls at five in the morning-? ''[Raven elbows him]''
:'''Robin''': What do you want?
:'''Slade''': Well, that's precisely what you've been trying to find out, isn't it? And in spite of all your efforts, you're still in the dark about my intentions. Disappointing, Robin. I expected a little more from you.
:'''Robin''': Like I care what you-
:'''Slade''': But since you've been unable to discover my plan, I suppose I'll just have to reveal it myself. I'm sure you're all familiar with the concept of a Chronoton Detonator...
:'''Cyborg''': No!
:'''Starfire''': ''[Gasps]''
:'''Raven''': Uh-oh.
:'''Beast Boy''': No way! ...um, what's a crouton detonator?
:'''Starfire''': It eradicates all chronotons within a localized area, utterly destroying the temporal component of the space-time continuum.
:'''Beast Boy''': Hmm?
:'''Raven''': It stops time. Permanently. 
:''[Beast Boy faints.]''
:'''Cyborg''': If he triggers that thing downtown, it'll freeze-frame the entire city.
:'''Robin''': Tell me where!
:'''Slade''': You're a clever boy, Robin. I'm sure you and your little friends can figure it out. However, since I control the detonation, time is not on your side.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Hurry, young Titans. Your time is running out.
:'''Robin''': ''[appearing behind Slade]'' Actually… we just went into overtime.
:'''Slade''': Robin. Welcome. I've been expecting you for some time. I was beginning to wonder if Cinderblock was too much of a challenge. Looking for this? Well… here it is. If you want it, come and take it.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Come now, Robin. You'll have to do better than that. I haven't even broken a sweat.
:''[As Robin is terminated to win, Slade grabs his hand as his counter move]''
:'''Slade''': Good technique.
:''[Slade bends his arm and throws Robin across the room.]''
:'''Slade''': Good, but not perfect.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': I understand your frustration, Robin. You hate losing as much as I do. One of the many qualities we have in common.
:''[Robin knocks Slade down, he picks up the remote]''
:'''Robin''': It's over, Slade!
:'''Slade''': On the contrary, Robin.
:'''Robin''': Huh?
:''[It breaks apart in his hand.]''
:'''Slade''': This is only the beginning.
:'''Robin''': Where's the real trigger?
:'''Slade''': Trigger? There is no trigger. Because there is no detonator.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Nanoscopic probes. The Chronoton Detonator was merely the bait for a much larger trap. You see, with the push of a button… ''[He shows that his thumb it's on the trigger]'' …my probes will destroy your friends from the inside out.
:'''Robin''': You can't control them. No matter what you threaten, they'll never obey you.
:'''Slade''': This isn't about your friends, Robin. It's about you. It's always been about you.
:'''Robin''': What?
:'''Slade''': Sending trouble your way. Leaving cryptic clues for you to unravel. I was testing you. For some time now, I have been searching for… an apprentice. Someone to follow in my footsteps. And Robin, I've chosen you. Congratulations.
:'''Robin''': No way would I ever work for-
:''[Slade shows Robin the kill switch attempting to use it]''
:'''Slade''': If you join me… if you swear to serve me… if you never speak to your friends again… I will allow them to live. But… if you disobey even the smallest request… I will ''annihilate'' them, Robin - and I will make you ''watch''. So, do we have a deal?

:''[Closing line]''
:'''Slade''': I know it seems bad now. But trust me, you'll learn to like it.

==== Part 2 [1.13] ====
:'''Starfire''': Robin? Robin! Please, Robin, where are you?
:'''Raven''': Starfire, enough. You've been calling for forty-five minutes.
:'''Starfire''': Perhaps if I just try one more-
:'''Beast Boy''': Come on, Star. If he's gonna pick up, he'd have done it by now. Besides, you're kinda giving me a headache.
:'''Starfire''': But why does he not respond? Where could he be?
:'''Cyborg''': Robin and Cinderblock definitely went a few rounds, but I can't tell who won, or where they went.
:'''Raven''': No sign of him here, either. His locator is still offline. I've been monitoring all the frequencies, but he hasn't checked in. 
:'''Starfire''': Oh, we are bad friends! We should never have left Robin to do battle alone.
:'''Beast Boy''': Yeah, especially since Slade's big doodad was a dud.
:'''Raven''': The Chronoton Detonator wasn't a dud. It was a decoy to lure us away from Robin, and we fell for it.
:'''Cyborg''': I shoulda known that thing was a fake!
:'''Starfire''': But why? Why did Slade wish to separate us from Robin?
:'''Beast Boy''': And if the detonator was a decoy…
:'''Raven''': …what was Slade's real plan?
:'''Cyborg''': Titans! Trouble!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Excellent, Robin. I'm pleased. You're already proving to be the perfect apprentice.
:'''Robin''': This deal can't last forever.
:'''Slade''': It can. And it will. The Titans still have no idea that my Chronoton Detonator was more than a decoy. Now that my probes are inside their bodies, they could remain undetected for years, decades. Unless, of course, you disobey me, and I decide to destroy your former friends with a push of the button.
:'''Robin''': Sooner or later, you'll let your guard down. I ''will'' get that controller, and the instant they're out of danger, ''you will pay''.
:'''Slade''': That sounds like a threat, young man. Quite a good threat, actually. Betrayal, destruction, revenge. We really do think alike. I monitored your vital signs during the mission. Elevated heart rate, adrenaline, endorphins. You won't admit it, but at some level, you ''enjoyed'' stealing for me. It was a thrill, wasn't it? You're going to keep stealing, Robin. And you're going to keep getting that thrill. And sooner or later, you will see things my way. Who knows? I might even become like a father to you.
:'''Robin''': I already have a father.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Cyborg''': You're not walking outta here, Robin! Not without a fight. Titans! ''Go!''
:''[As the Titans are ready to fight him, Robin dodges their attacks and escape through the air vents to go to the roof]''
:'''Slade''':''[through earpiece]'' Not so fast, Robin. You have yet to achieve your objective.
:'''Robin''': The device was too heavily guarded. I'll have to steal it another-
:'''Slade''': ''NO!'' Go back. Unless you want me to destroy them, go back and fight.
:'''Cyborg''': Robin! Look, I don't know what's going on, but we don't want to fight.  We just want to talk.
:''[Robin uses a high flying kick that drives Cyborg back past the other three.]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Guess there's nothing to talk about.
:''[Beast Boy tries to take him down, but Robin manages to pin him on the 'A' in Wayne Enterprise sign.]''
:'''Starfire''': Please-
:''[He runs pass her to fight the others instead.]''
:'''Cyborg''': ''[aiming his proton cannon]'' Don't make me…
:''[He powers it down]''
:''[While Raven and Cyborg tries to subdue Robin, Beast Boy escapes the sign letter as a snake and then turns into a bullhorn sheep and rams him]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Dude! Are you okay?
:''[He then kicks BB and hurls him at Cyborg.]''
:'''Slade''': Fight to win, Robin. Use the thermal blaster.
:'''Raven''': Azarath, Metrion, ZINTHOS!
:''[She uses spell lifts up and binds Robin. However, he scales a disc at her and explodes on the sign causing in her face a blinding flash.]''
:'''Raven''': I…can't…see!
:''[Raven falls to the roof]''
:'''Starfire''': No! 
:''[Cyborg is blocking Robin’s punches.]''
:'''Cyborg''': Come on, man, don't make me do this! I don't want to do this!
:''[Activates the weapon again. Robin low foot sweeps him, making Cyborg lose his balance. Robin goes to run off the top of the building, only to be stopped by Starfire raising her starbolt at him.]''
:'''Starfire''': ''Stop!'' Do. Not. Move.
:'''Slade''': I thought I told you to use that blaster. Attack! ''Now!''
:''[Robin raises the weapon and points it on Starfire.]''
:'''Starfire''': Robin, you are my best friend. I cannot be in a world where we must fight. If you are truly evil, then go ahead. ''[She lowers her arm.]'' Do what you must.
:'''Robin''': ''[He lowers his arm as well.]'' Starfire, no! I- ''[the earpiece screeches feedback in his ear]''
:'''Slade''': ''ROBIN!'' I gave you an order. If ''you'' won't attack, my probes ''will''.
:''[He pushes the button. The nano probes slowly begins to kill Starfire]''
:'''Robin''': Starfire!
:''[He sees that it's also happening to the other Titans too.]''
:'''Robin''': ''Stop! Please stop!''
:'''Slade''': Attack, Robin. It's the only way to save them. Attack with everything you've got. 
:'''Starfire''': Robin… 
:'''Robin''': ''[He points the blaster down at her and whispers]'' I’m sorry. ''[He fires.]''
:'''Slade''': That's my boy.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Thrilling. My apprentice is progressing even faster than I had hoped. All he needed was a little motivation.
:'''Robin''': Motivate ''THIS''!
:''[Slade counters and hurls Robin towards the ground.]''
:'''Slade''': Robin. That was vicious, dishonorable, and ruthless. '''Excellent work.''' You're becoming more like me every second.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Good, Robin. You're doing much better than last time. A few more years of training, and you might actually pose a threat.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': You're going to wish you hadn't done that.
:'''Robin''': I only wish I'd done it sooner. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': I have much to teach you. But the first thing you need to learn is gratitude.
:''[Robin tries for another go at the kill switch, but Slade seizes his arm and bends it back past the shoulder before dumping him onto his back.]''
:'''Slade''': I made you my apprentice. All my knowledge, all my power, all for you. But the only thing you care about is your WORTHLESS, LITTLE. '''FRIENDS!!!''' ''[They both get up]'' If the Titans are so distracting, maybe I should just get rid of them.
:'''Robin''': Don't. I'll do whatever you say.
:'''Slade''': Good boy. And, from now on, I'd like you to call me Master.
:''[A starbolt blasts him away to land right in front of the monitors]''
:'''Starfire''': Leave. Him. '''Alone...!'''
:'''Slade''': Robin! ''Attack!''
:'''Robin''': Get out of here! Go! You don't know what those beams did to-
:'''Beast Boy''': Dude…
:'''Raven''': …We know…
:'''Cyborg''': …And we don't ''care''.
:'''Starfire''': We are your ''friends'', Robin. We are ''not'' leaving without you.
:'''Slade''': How very touching. ''[puts his finger on the button]'' But Robin doesn't need any friends.
:''[He presses it, bringing the rapparatus to life; red energy bolts blaze out across the space. The Titans collapse on the ground]''
:'''Slade''': This is the price for your disobedience, Robin. Now do as I command. ''Attack!''
:'''Robin''': No. ''[He dashes off.]''
:'''Slade''': Robin!
:''[Robin runs towards the device and gets himself infected with nano probes. His name and infected bloodstream appear on a 5th monitor]''
:'''Robin''': '''New deal, Slade.''' If I lose my friends, you lose your apprentice. '''And I know how you hate to lose.'''
:''[Robin falls down on his knees as he continues to die slowly. Slade destroys the kill switch and he tries to attack again, but Robin quickly counters his move, leaving him flying across the room.]''
:'''Robin''': Titans! ''Go!''
:''[Beast Boy, now a tiger, is first to do damage with a clawed swipe that pierces the armor. Cyborg and Starfire move in next, starbolts and cannon going full throttle to blast Slade backward. As he tumbles, Raven casts a spell to bind his feet and sling him hard onto the platform. Robin delivers a flying kick on his masked face. The right half of his mask drops away and skids across the floor, and he now stands up with one big hand covering the exposed portion of his visage. He turns and runs off.]''
:'''Slade''': Another day, Robin. ''Another day''.
:''[The whole lair was set to self-destruct. Slade gets away, and before the Titans can leave, Cyborg grabs the device that contains a solution to get rid of the probs inside them.]''
:'''Robin''': Let's go home.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[hooked up to a probe removal machine]'' Am I done yet?
:'''Cyborg''': That's it, y'all. The Teen Titans are officially probe-free.
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[Doing &quot;the robot&quot;]'' YEAH! Go, Beast Boy, you're probeless, no probes now, go Beast Boy, go Beast Boy... get funky! ''[Moonwalks]'' Uh-uh, that's right...
:'''Raven''': Um...I know this isn't my style, but we just kicked Slade's butt. Shouldn't we celebrate or something?
:'''Beast Boy''': Yeah!
:'''Cyborg''': All-you-can-eat…
:'''Beast Boy''': …free-form…
:'''Beast Boy and Cyborg''': Breakfast explosion!
:'''Raven''': Sorry I asked.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Robin''': Everything okay?
:'''Starfire''': I am sorry.
:'''Robin''': ''You're'' sorry? For what?
:'''Starfire''': When things were bad, there was a moment where I truly believed that you were...like Slade. I doubted you. And for that, I am sorry.
:'''Robin''': I doubted myself, Star. Focused, serious, determined...as much as I hate to admit it, he and I are kind of alike. But there's one big difference between me and Slade. ''[Smiles]'' He doesn't have any friends.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Beast Boy''': Who wants tofu waffles?
:'''Cyborg''': Man, nobody wants tofu waffles.
:'''Beast Boy''': I do. Pass me the soy milk.
:'''Cyborg''': I'm telling you, you're not getting anywhere near the soy milk.
:'''Beast Boy''': Man, pass me the soy milk!
:'''Cyborg''': Is there ''meat'' in the tofu?
:'''Beast Boy''': No, there's no meat in tofu, it's ''tofu''!
:'''Cyborg''': Nobody wants it...

==Characters==
===Main===
* [[w:Dick Grayson|Dick Grayson/Robin]]
* [[w:Cyborg (comics)|Victor Stone/Cyborg]]
* [[w:Beast Boy|Garfield Logan/Beast Boy]]
* [[w:Starfire (Teen Titans)|Koriand'r/Starfire]]
* [[w:Raven (DC comics)|Rachel Roth/Raven]]

===Supporting===
* [[w:Deathstroke|Slade]] (6 episodes)
* [[w:Blackfire (DC Comics)|Komand'r/Blackfire]] (debuts in &quot;Sisters&quot;)
* [[w:Garth (comics)|Aqualad]] (debuts in &quot;Deep Six&quot;)
* [[w:Jinx (DC Comics)|Jinx]] (debuts in &quot;Final Exam&quot;)
* [[w:Gizmo (DC Comics)|Gizmo]] (debuts in &quot;Final Exam&quot;)
* [[w:Thunder and Lightning (comics)|Thunder and Lightning]] (debut in &quot;Forces of Nature&quot;)

==External links==
{{wikipedia|Teen Titans (season 1)}}

[[Category:Teen Titans seasons]]
[[Category:Children's television seasons]]</text>
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'''''[[Teen Titans (TV series)|Teen Titans]]''''' Season 1 (2003).

==Episodes 1–13==
=== ''Divide and Conquer'' [1.01] ===
:'''Beast Boy''': You know, Cinderblock, normally, the bad guys break ''out'' of jail.
:'''Robin''': And I can think of five good reasons why you don't want to break in.
:''[Robin leaps across the floor and lands in a crouch.]''
:'''Robin''': One!
:''[Now Starfire swoops and lands.]''
:'''Starfire''': Two!
:''[Beast Boy, as a tiger, lunges in. And when he comes down, he quickly changes into human form.]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Three!
:''[Next, Raven drops in.]''
:'''Raven''': Four!
:''[Finally, Cyborg jumps in.]''
:'''Cyborg''': Five!
:'''Robin''': No matter how you do the math, it all adds up to you going down. So, are you going to go quietly…
:'''Cyborg''': …Or is this gonna get loud? 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Robin''': Want to give this guy the Sonic Boom?
:'''Cyborg''': I got the Sonic if you got the Boom.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Beast Boy''': Jailbreak? I don't see any jailbreak.
:'''Robin''': None of us would have seen one if Cyborg hadn't messed up!
:'''Cyborg''': Me? I messed up nothing! You got in my way!
:'''Robin''': You were too far forward, and Cinderblock got away because of it!
:'''Cyborg''': You saying this is my fault?
:'''Robin''': Want me to say it again?
:'''Starfire''': Stop! No more mean talking!
:'''Beast Boy''': Yeah. If you two are gonna fight, we need time to sell tickets.
:'''Raven''': Cinderblock escaped. No amount of yelling will change that. So stop acting like idiots, and let's go home.
:'''Robin &amp; Cyborg''': Hmph!
:''[They stride away]''
:'''Robin''': Loser.
:'''Cyborg''': Jerk.
:'''Robin &amp; Cyborg''': '''''WHAT'D YOU SAY?!'''''
:'''Robin''': You got a problem, tin man?!
:'''Cyborg''': Yeah! It's four feet tall and smells like cheap hair gel!
:'''Robin''': Well, you're an oversized klutz and your feet smell like motor oil!
:'''Cyborg''': You're bossy, you're rude, you got no taste in music!
:'''Robin''': I don't even know why you're on this team!
:'''Cyborg''': That makes two of us! I '''''QUIT!'''''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Cyborg''': ''[answering machine]'' This is Cyborg. I'm either in the gym, playing GameStation, or kicking bad-guy butt. Leave a message. ''[Beep.]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Come on, Cy, pick up. I know you're there. The phone's built into your arm!
:'''Starfire''': Taste. ''[Starfire puts it into his mouth and he spits it out.]''
:'''Beast Boy''': What is that? Cream of toenails?
:'''Starfire''': Pudding of Sadness. It is what the people of my planet eat when bad things happen. ''[Takes a spoonful herself and then turns to Raven]'' Try. The displeasing taste will ease your troubled mind.
:'''Raven''': My mind is never troubled. People come, people go. It's pointless to be upset about Cyborg.
:''[All the monitors crack; a sudden display of her powers]''
:'''Raven''': What?
:'''Starfire''': Here, Robin. You must need this most of all since… well…
:'''Robin''': I'm fine. Who knows? Maybe we're better off without him.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Cyborg''': I still got the Sonic if you still got the Boom.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Robin &amp; Cyborg''': Teen Titans! Go!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Robin''': Look, uh… sorry about…
:'''Cyborg''': Yeah.
:'''Robin''': So… are we cool?
:'''Cyborg''': Frosty. ''[As they tap fists.]''
:'''Starfire''': You made up! Glorious! I wish to initiate a group hug.
:'''Raven''': Pass.
:'''Beast Boy''': Yeah, yeah, yeah, warm fuzzies all around. But we still gotta stop Cinderblock.
:'''Cyborg''': No, we don't. Thought I'd bring a present, 'case you were still mad.
:''[Cinderblock is wrapped in steel and being hoist up by a crane.]''
:'''Robin''': Thanks. But there is one thing that's still bothering me. Breaking into jail? Using Plasmus to distract us? The whole plan seems to be a little too smart for Cinderblock.
:'''Cyborg''': I've been thinking the same thing.
:'''Robin''': Someone must have been pulling the strings. But who?
:'''Cyborg''': Well, whoever they are… they're no match for the Teen Titans. ''[He and Robin trade a high five.]''
:'''Robin''': I heard that!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Next time, my plans ''will'' succeed. And the Titans ''will'' pay.

=== ''Sisters'' [1.02] ===
:'''Starfire''': ''[Gasps]'' Beautiful, tell me again what they are called?
:'''Robin''': Fireworks.
:'''Starfire''': On my home planet, such explosions would mean the Gordanians were attacking. You are sure certain Earth is not under attack?
:'''Robin''': Positive. Cotton candy? ''[Offers some]''
:'''Starfire''': The last time I ate a ball of cotton, it was white, and it did not taste very-
:'''Robin''': This is different. ''[he pulls off a piece and eats it]''
:'''Starfire''': ''[She eats some]'' Mmmm… ''[Squeal]'' It vanished!
:'''Robin''': ''[Chuckles]'' Yeah, it'll do that.
:'''Starfire''': ''[Sighs]'' When I first came to this planet, I did not think I would ever fit in. Earth was full of strange things. But now, I see that-
:'''Robin''': Here comes the finale! Yes!
:''[In the sky, the display of fireworks are being presented as the finale.]''
:'''Robin''': Whoo-hoo-hoo! Ah, amazing!
:'''Starfire''': Earth is full of amazing things, too.
:'''Robin''': Best planet I've ever been to. ''[a pink squid-like bot flies out of nowhere and grabs Starfire]'' STARFIRE!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Starfire''': Friends! I invite you to join me in the togetherness of a stay-home movie night. I bring you popcorn and non-cotton candies. Tell me, what sort of movie shall we view?
:'''Robin''': Action.
:'''Beast Boy''': Comedy.
:'''Cyborg''': Sci-fi.
:'''Raven''': Horror.
:''[Starfire drops her load of goodies]''
:'''Starfire''': Perhaps a double feature?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Blackfire''': ''[Chuckles]'' Now don't tell me you big tough superheroes are afraid of a little dancing.
:'''Beast Boy''': Betcha Cyborg can do the Robot.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Raven''': This party is pointless.
:'''Goth Boy''': Everything's pointless. Wanna go talk about it?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Starfire''': Perhaps I do not belong here after all.
:'''Robin''': Of course you don't. You belong down there, having fun with the rest of us. What's wrong?
:'''Starfire''': Nothing is wrong. Everything is wonderful. ''[He sits by her.]'' The pounding music and blinding lights are quite enjoyable. Everything is not wonderful. I am happy to see her, but Blackfire rules the video games, and she is able to share very depressing poems, and she knows the cool moves, and she always knows when people are not talking about shovels. ''[sighs.]'' And I am ''nothing'' like her.
:'''Robin''': No, you're not. And I think-
:'''Blackfire''': ''[wearing a bright pink wig]'' How do I look?
:'''Robin''': Pink. Look, can you give us a minute here?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Centauri 2''': By the name of the Grand Centauri Empire, you are all under arrest. ''[pulls out a badge]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Uh, you can't be the good guys. ''We're'' the good guys.
:'''Centauri 2''': And we are Centauri Police.
:'''Centauri 1''': The Tamaranean girl is a liar and a thief! ''[points to Starfire]'' She's committed high crimes throughout the entire Centauri system.
:'''Starfire''': I have never even been to the Centauri Moons.
:'''Robin''': But I know someone who has. 
:''[He takes the necklace off Starfire, showing the gem Blackfire gave her earlier. Starfire gasps.]'' 
:'''Robin''': ''[to the police giving back the necklace]'' You've been chasing the wrong girl. ''[turns to the others]'' Where's Blackfire?
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[sees a dark figure zooming through the sky]'' Uh...
:'''Robin''': Don't worry, Starfire. She won't get away with this!
:'''Starfire''': No, she will ''NOT!''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Starfire''': Hello, sister.
:'''Blackfire''': Aww, you're mad. I know, I should have told you I was leaving, but you know how I hate goodbyes and-
:'''Starfire''': You are a criminal, and you were going to let me take your place in jail!
:'''Blackfire''': Oh… well… yeah.
:'''Starfire''': You will give back what you have stolen and turn yourself over to the police!
:'''Blackfire''': And what will you do if I don't?
:''[Blackfire warms up a starbolt and lets her have it.]''
:'''Blackfire''': I always was the better fighter.
:'''Starfire''': Not anymore!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Robin''': Hey. How are you doing?
:'''Starfire''': I am… sad for my sister.
:'''Robin''': And for yourself?
:'''Starfire''': I am just glad that the truth was discovered before I was replaced.
:'''Robin''': What are you talking about?
:'''Starfire''': Well, you… everyone was having such fun with her, and then Cyborg said-
:'''Robin''': Look. Your sister was... interesting, but she could never take your place. No one could ''ever'' take your place.

=== ''Final Exam'' [1.03] ===
:'''Cyborg''': How could you lose the remote?
:'''Beast Boy''': What makes you so sure I lost it?
:'''Cyborg''': Uh, 'cause you're you.
:'''Beast Boy''': Hey! Just because I lost that video game-
:'''Cyborg''': -and the waffle iron.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Cyborg''': Come on, man, how could you deny me the all-meat experience?
:'''Beast Boy''': Dude, I've ''been'' most of those animals!
:'''Starfire''': I suggest a large pizza with pickles, bananas, and mint frosting.
:'''Robin''': Uh, Starfire, not everything on the menu is a pizza topping.
:'''Starfire''': Oh.
:'''Cyborg''': Double pepperoni!
:'''Beast Boy''': I'm not eating meat!
:'''Cyborg''': There's no meat in pepperoni!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Beast Boy''': Noooo! This is the worst thing that could ever happen! My tunes, they've been... alphabetized. How am l ever gonna find anything?
:'''Raven''': They went in my room. No one should ''ever'' go into my room.    
:'''Starfire''': ''[gasps as she pops up from the kitchen counter]'' Someone has disposed of all our blue furry food!    
:'''Cyborg''': ''[lifts the couch]'' You gotta be kidding me! The whole place gets cleaned and l still can't find the ---    
:''[Robin whistles, and points at the remote, who's in the coffee table.]''
:'''Cyborg''': Ha! ''[sets the couch down. As Robin is switching channels, his teammates sit in the couch]'' l guess we really oughta be training for battles, tracking down clues, and trying to figure out who Slade is, huh?    
:'''Robin''': We will. But right now, l'm just happy to be part of the team.    

=== ''Forces of Nature'' [1.04] ===
''[After Beast Boy accidentally pranks Starfire]''
:'''Starfire''': Is this punishment? I did something wrong?
:'''Raven''': You didn't. ''He'' did.
:'''Beast Boy''': Star, it was... You weren't supposed to... I didn't... Heh, just remember to change that oil every 3,000 miles. Heh heh.
:'''Starfire''': On my planet we have a name for those who do such horrible things! You are a...A ''KLORBAG VARBLENELK!''
:'''Beast Boy''': I'm a what-bag??
:'''Cyborg''': You heard the lady.
:'''Raven''': You are ''such'' a klorbag.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Beast Boy crawls out as a spider from under a pile of rubble that seemingly fell on top of Starfire. Turns back into normal form]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Star? Starfire? Where are you? ''[climbs down]'' Come on! Gimme a sign here! ''[He starts to dig.]'' You have to be alright, okay? 'Cause I-it was just a joke, you know? Back at the Tower, and...I'm sorry. I never said it, but I'm really, really sorry. It was supposed to be funny. And you could've been hurt, and... ''[softly]'' ...I'm a total klorbag. 
:''[A shadow comes over him. Beast Boy looks over his shoulder]'' 
:'''Beast Boy''': Huh?
:''[It is revealed to Starfire who is standing behind him]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Starfire!
:''[Turns into kitten again and jumps into her arms]''
:'''Starfire''': ''[laughs]'' I am glad you are unharmed as well.
:''[Beast Boy takes normal form again]''
:'''Beast Boy''': I am so sorry. You gotta forgive me.
:'''Starfire''': I already have. Now those evil brothers must be made to apologize.
:'''Beast Boy''': I don't think they ''are'' evil. I think they're just like me.

=== ''The Sum of His Parts'' [1.05] ===
:'''Cyborg''': Mmm-mmm. Would you look at that. A little sunshine, a little breeze. Only one thing could make this day better. Four and a half pounds of baby back ribs! Man, I love picnic food!
:'''Starfire''': Agreed, Cyborg. This tangy yellow beverage is truly delightful.
:'''Cyborg''': Um .. Starfire?
:'''Robin''': That's [[wikipedia:Mustard|mustard]].
:'''Starfire''': Is there more?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Starfire''': Cyborg? Cyborg!
:'''Raven''': What's wrong with him?
:'''Beast Boy''': Is he gonna be okay?
:'''Robin''': Shh. I think he's coming to. Cyborg! Are you all right? ''[He and Starfire pulls him up.]''
:'''Cyborg''': Yeah. ''[Grunts]'' Thanks.
:'''Raven''': What happened?
:'''Cyborg''': Something musta gone wrong with my systems. ''[Checks his power cell.]'' Oh, man! My power cell's dying.
:'''Starfire''': Dying?!?
:'''Cyborg''': It's only a battery. I'm fine. Happens every couple of years. Just a natural part of being unnatural.
:'''Robin''': So what do we do?
:'''Cyborg''': You keep playing. I go home and change batteries. ''[He starts walking away.]''
:'''Beast Boy''': You sure you don't want help?
:'''Cyborg''': Just 'cause I can't have fun doesn't mean y'all can't.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fixit''': Charging is complete. The new power cell is functioning properly.
:'''Cyborg''': Yeah. I'm feeling better. Lots better.
:'''Fixit''': Of course you are. I am Fixit. Things come to me broken. I make repairs. Let me see. Yes...yes...hmm...pity. Interesting. The damage is too extensive. Perhaps if we can find another processor.
:'''Cyborg''': Well, thanks...for everything.
:'''Fixit''': You cannot leave.
:'''Cyborg''': I can't?
:'''Fixit''': You are not repaired, not fully.
:'''Cyborg''': I'm not?
:'''Fixit''': My examination revealed many flaws, serious flaws.
:'''Cyborg''': Serious? How serious? What's wrong with me?
:'''Fixit''': There is no cause for alarm. More repairs are needed. More repairs will be made.
:'''Cyborg''': But, I feel fine. Are you sure I'm-?
:'''Fixit''': Quite. Will you remain? It is for the best.
:'''Cyborg''': Well, yeah, I guess. Let me just tell my friends where I am.
:''[Fix it sabotage his systems as he jammed his communications.]''
:'''Cyborg''': Whoa! Something really is wrong with me.
:'''Fixit''': Rest now. You may contact your friends later. I am sure they are not too concerned.
:'''Cyborg''': Maybe they should be.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fixit''': So... beautiful. I had forgotten how beautiful... a world... through your eyes...
:'''Cyborg''': Through ''human'' eyes.

=== ''Nevermore'' [1.06] ===
:'''Beast Boy''': So, where are we?
:'''Cyborg''': You're asking the wrong robot. My sensors must be on the blank cause they're sayin' we're in Titans Tower.
:'''Beast Boy''': Riiight. So how do we get back?
:'''Cyborg''': Guess we start walking.
:'''Beast Boy''': Come on! I'm serious. We're on a rock in the middle of- ''[He gets cut off by rocks forming a path in front of the two]'' Oh. If sending us to Weirdsville is Raven's idea of a joke, I am ''so'' not laughing.
:'''Cyborg''': Hey, she didn't send us here! You're the one who went snooping in her room and popping zits in her magic mirror!
:'''Beast Boy''': Who booby traps a ''mirror?''
:'''Cyborg''': Maybe it wasn't a trap, maybe its Raven's way home. Maybe this is where she's from.
:'''Beast Boy''': Definitely creepy enough.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[After being narrowly saved from falling nevermore by the ground turning 180 degrees]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Raven?! How did-- Where-- What just-- Why are you wearing ''pink?''
:'''Happy Raven''': 'Cause it's my favorite colour?
:'''Beast Boy''': It ''is?''
:'''Cyborg''': Look, I'd love to talk fashion, but I don't suppose you'd know how to get home?
:'''Happy Raven''': The Forbidden Door. It's the only way out. But you don't wanna go there. Not now.
:'''Beast Boy, Cyborg''': Uh... yeah, we do!
:'''Happy Raven''': Okay, but don't say I didn't warn you!
:''[She leads them to the door, pretending to be an aeroplane. Cyborg and Beast Boy follow her]''
:'''Cyborg''': Have you ever seen her ''this'' happy?
:'''Beast Boy''': Dude, I didn't even think Raven could ''do'' happy.

=== ''Switched'' [1.07] ===
:'''Cyborg''': ''[About the puppets]'' Aww, isn't that cute? Puppet Cy has a light-up eye.
:'''Robin''': Yeah. They got all the details just right.
:'''Beast Boy''': Speak for yourself! I'm way better looking than ''this''. And taller.
:'''Raven''': Someone certainly has a lot of time on their hands.
:'''Starfire''': ''[giggles]'' I have never seen such a whimsical device. ''[voicing puppet Starfire]'' &quot;Hello, Starfire&quot;. ''[normal voice]'' Hello, tiny wooden replica of Starfire!
:'''Beast Boy''': Dude, my puppet is totally kicking your puppet's butt!
:'''Robin''': Not for long. 
:''[his puppet pushes Beast Boy's puppet and it accidentally hits Cyborg's puppet]''
:'''Cyborg''': You wanna piece of me little man?
:'''Robin''': Come on, show me whatcha got, Beast Boy!
:'''Raven''': Boys...
:'''Starfire''': Shall my tiny replica do battle with your tiny replica?
:'''Raven''': ''[tosses her puppet to her]'' Knock yourself out.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Starfire''': ''[voiceover; whispering]'' The boys! Raven, what are we gonna…?
:''[Raven, now in Starfire's body, pulls on a string, turning the light on. She stares at Starfire, who is in her own body]''
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': Starfire?
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Raven?! ''[gasps]'' You're me! ''[gasps again as she looks at herself]'' And I'm you!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Oh, Raven, this is awful! ''Terribly'', ''horribly'' awful!
:''[As Raven climbs out, they walk down a path. Starfire gradually panics as she talks, causing the black telekinesis to bend three parking meters, makes two boxes shoot out sheets of newspaper like geysers, and a mailbox to melt]''
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': Tell me about it.
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Very well. Robin, Cyborg and Beast Boy have been trapped inside tiny wooden bodies, while a nasty creature called the Puppet King has taken control of their real bodies, which he's using to hunt us down, and you and I are in the wrong bodies, and… ''[gasps as Raven puts her hand on her shoulder]''
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': Starfire! You have to calm down. My powers are driven by emotions. The more you feel, the more energy you unleash.
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': But what if they find us? What if our friends are doomed? And what if I'm stuck, looking like this forever?! 
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': We'll fix it. I don't know how, but we'll rescue the boys, and we'll get our bodies back. What's wrong with the way I look?
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Nothing.
:''[As Starfire holds her hands up, a walk sign explodes]''
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': I'll try to calm down. ''[closes her eyes as she sighs, then spreads her arms out]'' Peace, quiet, tranquil…
:''[A blast causes a car to get launched in the air, then crash lands on its roof on the road]''
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': We're so doomed.
:''[An eagle screech from Beast Boy as an eagle. The duo look up as Starfire points]''
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Beast Boy!
:''[He dives in after the girls]''
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': You mean ''zombie'' Beast Boy. &lt;big&gt;'''''Run!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[The girls run in an alley. Still in Starfire's body, Raven flaps her arms and jumps, as if trying to fly]''
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': Fly! Fly!
:''[The girls slow to a walk]''
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': We cannot fight them again. I do not wish to, and in our present condition we would surely be defeated!
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': OK, how do you fly this thing?
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': You must ''feel'' flight. 
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': What? 
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': When you feel the unbridled joy of flight, you will fly!
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': Unbridled joy...Not really my thing. 
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Look!
:''[They spot zombie Beast Boy]''
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': What do I have to feel to use star bolts?
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Righteous fury!
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': Your alien strength?
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Boundless confidence!
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': Never mind.

=== ''Deep Six'' [1.08] ===
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[In reply to Starfire's comment about the marine life]'' If you think ''that's'' cool, wait till you see me out there kicking butt! First, I'm goin' shark. 
:''[He starts snapping his jaws, mimicking a shark. Cyborg presses the 'off' switch controlling Beast Boy's microphone]''
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[Now muffled]'' Hey! What just...is this thing on?! Hey, cut it out!
:'''Cyborg''': ''[Turns it back on]'' Goodness me, I seem to have accidentally switched off Beast Boy's microphone.
:'''Raven''': Could you go ahead and accidentally ''leave'' it off?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[As a squid, chasing the Titans as they sink]'' I got it, I got it! ''[Two whales pass him]'' Huh? ''[The two whales save the Titans]'' ''They'' got it? How come ''they'' got it?
:'''Aqualad''': Because I asked for their help.
:'''Beast Boy''': You talk to fish? Yeah right!
:'''Aqualad''': I'm talking to you, aren't I?
:'''Beast Boy''': Well I, uh... technically I'm a squid.

=== ''Masks'' [1.09] ===
:'''Robin''': Tell Slade if he wants this, he can come get it himself!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Robin''': Now talk! Who's Slade? Why does he want this chip? And why are you working...for...him?
:'''Slade''': Excellent work, Robin.
:'''Robin''': Slade!
:'''Slade''': Really, I think your skills are improving.
:'''Robin''': No more games! What do you want?
:'''Slade''': But you do lack patience. If you're really so curious about my intentions, perhaps we should meet face to face.
:'''Robin''': Tell me where you're hiding and I'll be there in a heartbeat!
:'''Slade''': Patience, Robin. Patience.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Beast Boy''': O.K, all work and no flicks makes me a dull Beast Boy. So my fellow couch potatoes, what'll it be? Super Ninja Showdown 8? Or Maniac Fury: Attack of the Protozoids?
:'''Raven''': ''[Sarcastically]'' Gee. They both sound so good.
:'''Cyborg''': Yeah, it's really hard to pick. Wanna watch 'em both?!
:'''Starfire''': Perhaps Robin would enjoy potatoing the couch with us? Tell me, is he-?
:'''Beast Boy''': -In the exact same place he's been since his little chat session with Slade? Uh, yeah.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Starfire''': Robin? I am wondering if you might wish to-
:'''Robin''': No... thanks. But I need to figure out why Slade wanted that chip.
:'''Starfire''': Agreed; and perhaps if you were to take a break, the answer would be easier to-
:'''Robin''': I can't. You almost got hurt. Next time could be worse. He's planning something; I have to find out what.
:'''Starfire''': But Robin, I am sure that- ''[he closes the door]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Red X''': Rumor has it, you're interested in this.
:'''Slade''': I'm interested in many things, Mr. …
:'''Red X''': X. Red X.
:'''Slade''': Hmmm. Catchy. So, are you proposing a sale or a gift?
:'''Red X''': A partnership. I give you the chip, you cut me in on your plans.
:'''Slade''': Partnership. My, my, we are ambitious. But an alliance cannot be forged from one small chip. If you're going to win my trust, I'll require more.
:'''Red X''': Just tell me what you want.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Impressive, Red X. I tapped into the security cameras to catch your performance. You treated the Titans to quite a show.
:'''Red X''': Glad you enjoyed it. Is the audition over?
:'''Slade''': Patience. Trust is easy to destroy, but it takes time to build. One last test. Prove yourself and we'll meet to discuss your future.
:'''Red X''': Good.
:''[He takes the mask off, revealing himself to be Robin.]''
:'''Robin''': It's about time we met face to face.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Excellent work. Honestly, I couldn't have done better myself.
:'''Red X''': So, do we have a deal?
:'''Slade''': Indeed. You and I are so very much alike. It seems only natural that we should be partners.
:'''Red X''': What are they for? I need to know what we're planning… partner.
:'''Slade''': Patience. You can't expect me to trust you with such sensitive information right away… can you… ''Robin?''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Careful. I wouldn't want you getting hurt.
:'''Robin''': I'm not the one who's going to get hurt. Now hand them over!
:'''Slade''': Robin. I thought we had a deal.
:'''Robin''': Sorry. I have a strict rule against giving stolen technology to psychos.
:'''Slade''': How very noble of you. But stealing in order to trap me? That wasn't so noble. Two wrongs don't make a-
:'''Robin''': Don't ever lecture me! Whatever you're planning, Slade, it's over!
:'''Slade''': On the contrary, Robin, it's just begun.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Robin''': You… ''saved'' me?
:'''Slade''': I'm not through with you.
:''[He hauls Robin back up and tosses him across the rooftop. The brawl starts all over again, until Robin seems to have the upper hand.]''
:'''Robin''': This ends ''now!''
:''[He pulls the man's mask off. It's revealed to be another robot.]''
:'''Slade''': Patience, Robin. We'll meet face to face some other time. Oh, and speaking of time…
:''[The timer is set as the robot was about to self-destruct.]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Heh. At least he didn't get the chips.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Robin''': You want to yell at me, too? Everyone else has, and I don't blame them.
:'''Starfire''': I do not wish to yell, merely to understand. Robin, why did you not tell us the truth?
:'''Robin''': I needed to fool Slade. If you guys knew it was me under that mask, you guys would have held back. Doesn't matter anyway, Slade figured it out, and I haven't figured anything out about him.
:'''Starfire''': That is not true. Whoever Slade is, you and he are... similar. He did not trust you... and you did not trust us.

=== ''Mad Mod'' [1.10] ===
:'''Cyborg''': Make him laugh!
:'''Starfire''': ''[to Beast Boy]'' How many okarins does it take to hogie a morflark? Fimbar! Um... boogers?
:'''Beast Boy''': Hahahahaha! Boogers! Oh, man!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Starfire''': I cannot awaken Beast Boy. I have tried the tickling, all manners of bodily noises, and the word &quot;underpants&quot;. I fear that this time his brain is gone forever.
:'''Raven''': Beast Boy ''had'' a brain?
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[wakes up and laughs]'' Ha ha! Good one! ''[stops]'' Dude, that's not funny! I totally have a brain! I just don't use it much...

=== ''Car Trouble'' [1.11] ===
:'''Cyborg''': You lost my car?... My car lost a race?!
:'''Thief''': No way, we beat him easy. She handled like a dream!
:'''Cyborg''': She did? How'd she take the curves 'cause, Y'know, I've been working on the suspension, and-d-d-d-d- Don't try to distract me! Who has her now?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Raven''': Fourteen milkshakes. Not a good sign.
:'''Cyborg''': What are you doing here?
:'''Raven''': Looking for your car. Soon as we turned Overload in to the police, we all split up to search the city.
:'''Cyborg''': Might as well stop looking. T-Car’s probably halfway to Metropolis by now... from the day I designed her, I knew she was gonna be special. And I work so hard every fuel injector every spark plug. I made her perfect. I put my heart, my soul, and my circuits into this car. And now she's gone forever. Maybe you were right, maybe it was just a car.
:'''Raven''': Maybe. Maybe not. When I use my powers, I have to put a little of my soul into whatever I'm moving. I become a part of it, and it becomes a part of me. That's kinda what happened here. It wasn't just a car. It was… your baby.
:'''Cyborg''': Yeah. Thanks, Rae.
:''[Raven smiles]''
:'''Raven''': And someone's eating onion rings in your baby.
:'''Cyborg''': ''[Sees Gizmo drive off in his car]'' He'll get ketchup on the seats!

=== ''Apprentice'' ===
==== Part 1 [1.12] ====
:'''Slade''': Dangerous behavior, Robin. You must be very eager to see me. I'm flattered.
:'''Robin''': I'm not here to see you. I'm here to stop you.
:'''Slade''': Hmm. But how can you stop me, when you don't even know what I'm planning?
:'''Robin''': Like this.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Excellent, Robin. We appear to be evenly matched and equally ruthless. Not surprising. You and I are so very much alike.
:'''Robin''': I'm ''nothing'' like you! You're a criminal, a psychopath! All you care about is destruction!
:'''Slade''': And all you care about, you ''destroy''. ''[Showing the crumbled rocks that look like the Titans.]''
:'''Robin''': No... who are you?! ''[He rips off Slade's mask, revealing his own face laughing evilly. He wakes up]''
:'''Cyborg''': ''[offscreen]'' It's him. ''[He's behind the door.]'' It's Slade.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': ''[On computer screen]'' Good morning, Teen Titans. I do hope I didn't wake you.
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[Yawning]'' What are you, an insomniac? Who calls at five in the morning-? ''[Raven elbows him]''
:'''Robin''': What do you want?
:'''Slade''': Well, that's precisely what you've been trying to find out, isn't it? And in spite of all your efforts, you're still in the dark about my intentions. Disappointing, Robin. I expected a little more from you.
:'''Robin''': Like I care what you-
:'''Slade''': But since you've been unable to discover my plan, I suppose I'll just have to reveal it myself. I'm sure you're all familiar with the concept of a Chronoton Detonator...
:'''Cyborg''': No!
:'''Starfire''': ''[Gasps]''
:'''Raven''': Uh-oh.
:'''Beast Boy''': No way! ...um, what's a crouton detonator?
:'''Starfire''': It eradicates all chronotons within a localized area, utterly destroying the temporal component of the space-time continuum.
:'''Beast Boy''': Hmm?
:'''Raven''': It stops time. Permanently. 
:''[Beast Boy faints.]''
:'''Cyborg''': If he triggers that thing downtown, it'll freeze-frame the entire city.
:'''Robin''': Tell me where!
:'''Slade''': You're a clever boy, Robin. I'm sure you and your little friends can figure it out. However, since I control the detonation, time is not on your side.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Hurry, young Titans. Your time is running out.
:'''Robin''': ''[appearing behind Slade]'' Actually… we just went into overtime.
:'''Slade''': Robin. Welcome. I've been expecting you for some time. I was beginning to wonder if Cinderblock was too much of a challenge. Looking for this? Well… here it is. If you want it, come and take it.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Come now, Robin. You'll have to do better than that. I haven't even broken a sweat.
:''[As Robin is terminated to win, Slade grabs his hand as his counter move]''
:'''Slade''': Good technique.
:''[Slade bends his arm and throws Robin across the room.]''
:'''Slade''': Good, but not perfect.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': I understand your frustration, Robin. You hate losing as much as I do. One of the many qualities we have in common.
:''[Robin knocks Slade down, he picks up the remote]''
:'''Robin''': It's over, Slade!
:'''Slade''': On the contrary, Robin.
:'''Robin''': Huh?
:''[It breaks apart in his hand.]''
:'''Slade''': This is only the beginning.
:'''Robin''': Where's the real trigger?
:'''Slade''': Trigger? There is no trigger. Because there is no detonator.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Nanoscopic probes. The Chronoton Detonator was merely the bait for a much larger trap. You see, with the push of a button… ''[He shows that his thumb it's on the trigger]'' …my probes will destroy your friends from the inside out.
:'''Robin''': You can't control them. No matter what you threaten, they'll never obey you.
:'''Slade''': This isn't about your friends, Robin. It's about you. It's always been about you.
:'''Robin''': What?
:'''Slade''': Sending trouble your way. Leaving cryptic clues for you to unravel. I was testing you. For some time now, I have been searching for… an apprentice. Someone to follow in my footsteps. And Robin, I've chosen you. Congratulations.
:'''Robin''': No way would I ever work for-
:''[Slade shows Robin the kill switch attempting to use it]''
:'''Slade''': If you join me… if you swear to serve me… if you never speak to your friends again… I will allow them to live. But… if you disobey even the smallest request… I will ''annihilate'' them, Robin - and I will make you ''watch''. So, do we have a deal?

:''[Closing line]''
:'''Slade''': I know it seems bad now. But trust me, you'll learn to like it.

==== Part 2 [1.13] ====
:'''Starfire''': Robin? Robin! Please, Robin, where are you?
:'''Raven''': Starfire, enough. You've been calling for forty-five minutes.
:'''Starfire''': Perhaps if I just try one more-
:'''Beast Boy''': Come on, Star. If he's gonna pick up, he'd have done it by now. Besides, you're kinda giving me a headache.
:'''Starfire''': But why does he not respond? Where could he be?
:'''Cyborg''': Robin and Cinderblock definitely went a few rounds, but I can't tell who won, or where they went.
:'''Raven''': No sign of him here, either. His locator is still offline. I've been monitoring all the frequencies, but he hasn't checked in. 
:'''Starfire''': Oh, we are bad friends! We should never have left Robin to do battle alone.
:'''Beast Boy''': Yeah, especially since Slade's big doodad was a dud.
:'''Raven''': The Chronoton Detonator wasn't a dud. It was a decoy to lure us away from Robin, and we fell for it.
:'''Cyborg''': I shoulda known that thing was a fake!
:'''Starfire''': But why? Why did Slade wish to separate us from Robin?
:'''Beast Boy''': And if the detonator was a decoy…
:'''Raven''': …what was Slade's real plan?
:'''Cyborg''': Titans! Trouble!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Excellent, Robin. I'm pleased. You're already proving to be the perfect apprentice.
:'''Robin''': This deal can't last forever.
:'''Slade''': It can. And it will. The Titans still have no idea that my Chronoton Detonator was more than a decoy. Now that my probes are inside their bodies, they could remain undetected for years, decades. Unless, of course, you disobey me, and I decide to destroy your former friends with a push of the button.
:'''Robin''': Sooner or later, you'll let your guard down. I ''will'' get that controller, and the instant they're out of danger, ''you will pay''.
:'''Slade''': That sounds like a threat, young man. Quite a good threat, actually. Betrayal, destruction, revenge. We really do think alike. I monitored your vital signs during the mission. Elevated heart rate, adrenaline, endorphins. You won't admit it, but at some level, you ''enjoyed'' stealing for me. It was a thrill, wasn't it? You're going to keep stealing, Robin. And you're going to keep getting that thrill. And sooner or later, you will see things my way. Who knows? I might even become like a father to you.
:'''Robin''': I already have a father.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Cyborg''': You're not walking outta here, Robin! Not without a fight. Titans! ''Go!''
:''[As the Titans are ready to fight him, Robin dodges their attacks and escape through the air vents to go to the roof]''
:'''Slade''':''[through earpiece]'' Not so fast, Robin. You have yet to achieve your objective.
:'''Robin''': The device was too heavily guarded. I'll have to steal it another-
:'''Slade''': ''NO!'' Go back. Unless you want me to destroy them, go back and fight.
:'''Cyborg''': Robin! Look, I don't know what's going on, but we don't want to fight.  We just want to talk.
:''[Robin uses a high flying kick that drives Cyborg back past the other three.]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Guess there's nothing to talk about.
:''[Beast Boy tries to take him down, but Robin manages to pin him on the 'A' in Wayne Enterprise sign.]''
:'''Starfire''': Please-
:''[He runs pass her to fight the others instead.]''
:'''Cyborg''': ''[aiming his proton cannon]'' Don't make me…
:''[He powers it down]''
:''[While Raven and Cyborg tries to subdue Robin, Beast Boy escapes the sign letter as a snake and then turns into a bullhorn sheep and rams him]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Dude! Are you okay?
:''[He then kicks BB and hurls him at Cyborg.]''
:'''Slade''': Fight to win, Robin. Use the thermal blaster.
:'''Raven''': Azarath, Metrion, ZINTHOS!
:''[She uses spell lifts up and binds Robin. However, he scales a disc at her and explodes on the sign causing in her face a blinding flash.]''
:'''Raven''': I…can't…see!
:''[Raven falls to the roof]''
:'''Starfire''': No! 
:''[Cyborg is blocking Robin’s punches.]''
:'''Cyborg''': Come on, man, don't make me do this! I don't want to do this!
:''[Activates the weapon again. Robin low foot sweeps him, making Cyborg lose his balance. Robin goes to run off the top of the building, only to be stopped by Starfire raising her starbolt at him.]''
:'''Starfire''': ''Stop!'' Do. Not. Move.
:'''Slade''': I thought I told you to use that blaster. Attack! ''Now!''
:''[Robin raises the weapon and points it on Starfire.]''
:'''Starfire''': Robin, you are my best friend. I cannot be in a world where we must fight. If you are truly evil, then go ahead. ''[She lowers her arm.]'' Do what you must.
:'''Robin''': ''[He lowers his arm as well.]'' Starfire, no! I- ''[the earpiece screeches feedback in his ear]''
:'''Slade''': ''ROBIN!'' I gave you an order. If ''you'' won't attack, my probes ''will''.
:''[He pushes the button. The nano probes slowly begins to kill Starfire]''
:'''Robin''': Starfire!
:''[He sees that it's also happening to the other Titans too.]''
:'''Robin''': ''Stop! Please stop!''
:'''Slade''': Attack, Robin. It's the only way to save them. Attack with everything you've got. 
:'''Starfire''': Robin… 
:'''Robin''': ''[He points the blaster down at her and whispers]'' I’m sorry. ''[He fires.]''
:'''Slade''': That's my boy.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Thrilling. My apprentice is progressing even faster than I had hoped. All he needed was a little motivation.
:'''Robin''': Motivate ''THIS''!
:''[Slade counters and hurls Robin towards the ground.]''
:'''Slade''': Robin. That was vicious, dishonorable, and ruthless. '''Excellent work.''' You're becoming more like me every second.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Good, Robin. You're doing much better than last time. A few more years of training, and you might actually pose a threat.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': You're going to wish you hadn't done that.
:'''Robin''': I only wish I'd done it sooner. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': I have much to teach you. But the first thing you need to learn is gratitude.
:''[Robin tries for another go at the kill switch, but Slade seizes his arm and bends it back past the shoulder before dumping him onto his back.]''
:'''Slade''': I made you my apprentice. All my knowledge, all my power, all for you. But the only thing you care about is your WORTHLESS, LITTLE. '''FRIENDS!!!''' ''[They both get up]'' If the Titans are so distracting, maybe I should just get rid of them.
:'''Robin''': Don't. I'll do whatever you say.
:'''Slade''': Good boy. And, from now on, I'd like you to call me Master.
:''[A starbolt blasts him away to land right in front of the monitors]''
:'''Starfire''': Leave. Him. '''Alone...!'''
:'''Slade''': Robin! ''Attack!''
:'''Robin''': Get out of here! Go! You don't know what those beams did to-
:'''Beast Boy''': Dude…
:'''Raven''': …We know…
:'''Cyborg''': …And we don't ''care''.
:'''Starfire''': We are your ''friends'', Robin. We are ''not'' leaving without you.
:'''Slade''': How very touching. ''[puts his finger on the button]'' But Robin doesn't need any friends.
:''[He presses it, bringing the rapparatus to life; red energy bolts blaze out across the space. The Titans collapse on the ground]''
:'''Slade''': This is the price for your disobedience, Robin. Now do as I command. ''Attack!''
:'''Robin''': No. ''[He dashes off.]''
:'''Slade''': Robin!
:''[Robin runs towards the device and gets himself infected with nano probes. His name and infected bloodstream appear on a 5th monitor]''
:'''Robin''': '''New deal, Slade.''' If I lose my friends, you lose your apprentice. '''And I know how you hate to lose.'''
:''[Robin falls down on his knees as he continues to die slowly. Slade destroys the kill switch and he tries to attack again, but Robin quickly counters his move, leaving him flying across the room.]''
:'''Robin''': Titans! ''Go!''
:''[Beast Boy, now a tiger, is first to do damage with a clawed swipe that pierces the armor. Cyborg and Starfire move in next, starbolts and cannon going full throttle to blast Slade backward. As he tumbles, Raven casts a spell to bind his feet and sling him hard onto the platform. Robin delivers a flying kick on his masked face. The right half of his mask drops away and skids across the floor, and he now stands up with one big hand covering the exposed portion of his visage. He turns and runs off.]''
:'''Slade''': Another day, Robin. ''Another day''.
:''[The whole lair was set to self-destruct. Slade gets away, and before the Titans can leave, Cyborg grabs the device that contains a solution to get rid of the probs inside them.]''
:'''Robin''': Let's go home.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[hooked up to a probe removal machine]'' Am I done yet?
:'''Cyborg''': That's it, y'all. The Teen Titans are officially probe-free.
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[Doing &quot;the robot&quot;]'' YEAH! Go, Beast Boy, you're probeless, no probes now, go Beast Boy, go Beast Boy... get funky! ''[Moonwalks]'' Uh-uh, that's right...
:'''Raven''': Um...I know this isn't my style, but we just kicked Slade's butt. Shouldn't we celebrate or something?
:'''Beast Boy''': Yeah!
:'''Cyborg''': All-you-can-eat…
:'''Beast Boy''': …free-form…
:'''Beast Boy and Cyborg''': Breakfast explosion!
:'''Raven''': Sorry I asked.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Robin''': Everything okay?
:'''Starfire''': I am sorry.
:'''Robin''': ''You're'' sorry? For what?
:'''Starfire''': When things were bad, there was a moment where I truly believed that you were...like Slade. I doubted you. And for that, I am sorry.
:'''Robin''': I doubted myself, Star. Focused, serious, determined...as much as I hate to admit it, he and I are kind of alike. But there's one big difference between me and Slade. ''[Smiles]'' He doesn't have any friends.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Beast Boy''': Who wants tofu waffles?
:'''Cyborg''': Man, nobody wants tofu waffles.
:'''Beast Boy''': I do. Pass me the soy milk.
:'''Cyborg''': I'm telling you, you're not getting anywhere near the soy milk.
:'''Beast Boy''': Man, pass me the soy milk!
:'''Cyborg''': Is there ''meat'' in the tofu?
:'''Beast Boy''': No, there's no meat in tofu, it's ''tofu''!
:'''Cyborg''': Nobody wants it...

==Characters==
===Main===
* [[w:Dick Grayson|Dick Grayson/Robin]]
* [[w:Cyborg (comics)|Victor Stone/Cyborg]]
* [[w:Beast Boy|Garfield Logan/Beast Boy]]
* [[w:Starfire (Teen Titans)|Koriand'r/Starfire]]
* [[w:Raven (DC comics)|Rachel Roth/Raven]]

===Supporting===
* [[w:Deathstroke|Slade]] (6 episodes)
* [[w:Blackfire (DC Comics)|Komand'r/Blackfire]] (debuts in &quot;Sisters&quot;)
* [[w:Garth (comics)|Aqualad]] (debuts in &quot;Deep Six&quot;)
* [[w:Jinx (DC Comics)|Jinx]] (debuts in &quot;Final Exam&quot;)
* [[w:Gizmo (DC Comics)|Gizmo]] (debuts in &quot;Final Exam&quot;)
* [[w:Thunder and Lightning (comics)|Thunder and Lightning]] (debut in &quot;Forces of Nature&quot;)

==External links==
{{wikipedia|Teen Titans (season 1)}}

[[Category:Teen Titans seasons]]
[[Category:Children's television seasons]]</text>
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'''''[[Teen Titans (TV series)|Teen Titans]]''''' Season 1 (2003).

==Episodes 1–13==
=== ''Divide and Conquer'' [1.01] ===
:'''Beast Boy''': teen titans go sucks.
:'''Robin''': And I can think of five good reasons why you don't want to break in.
:''[Robin leaps across the floor and lands in a crouch.]''
:'''Robin''': One!
:''[Now Starfire swoops and lands.]''
:'''Starfire''': Two!
:''[Beast Boy, as a tiger, lunges in. And when he comes down, he quickly changes into human form.]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Three!
:''[Next, Raven drops in.]''
:'''Raven''': Four!
:''[Finally, Cyborg jumps in.]''
:'''Cyborg''': Five!
:'''Robin''': No matter how you do the math, it all adds up to you going down. So, are you going to go quietly…
:'''Cyborg''': …Or is this gonna get loud? 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Robin''': Want to give this guy the Sonic Boom?
:'''Cyborg''': I got the Sonic if you got the Boom.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Beast Boy''': Jailbreak? I don't see any jailbreak.
:'''Robin''': None of us would have seen one if Cyborg hadn't messed up!
:'''Cyborg''': Me? I messed up nothing! You got in my way!
:'''Robin''': You were too far forward, and Cinderblock got away because of it!
:'''Cyborg''': You saying this is my fault?
:'''Robin''': Want me to say it again?
:'''Starfire''': Stop! No more mean talking!
:'''Beast Boy''': Yeah. If you two are gonna fight, we need time to sell tickets.
:'''Raven''': Cinderblock escaped. No amount of yelling will change that. So stop acting like idiots, and let's go home.
:'''Robin &amp; Cyborg''': Hmph!
:''[They stride away]''
:'''Robin''': Loser.
:'''Cyborg''': Jerk.
:'''Robin &amp; Cyborg''': '''''gay.'''''

=== ''Sisters'' [1.02] ===
:'''Starfire''': ''[Gasps]'' Beautiful, tell me again what they are called?
:'''Robin''': Fireworks.
:'''Starfire''': On my home planet, such explosions would mean the Gordanians were attacking. You are sure certain Earth is not under attack?
:'''Robin''': Positive. Cotton candy? ''[Offers some]''
:'''Starfire''': The last time I ate a ball of cotton, it was white, and it did not taste very-
:'''Robin''': This is different. ''[he pulls off a piece and eats it]''
:'''Starfire''': ''[She eats some]'' Mmmm… ''[Squeal]'' It vanished!
:'''Robin''': ''[Chuckles]'' Yeah, it'll do that.
:'''Starfire''': ''[Sighs]'' When I first came to this planet, I did not think I would ever fit in. Earth was full of strange things. But now, I see that-
:'''Robin''': Here comes the finale! Yes!
:''[In the sky, the display of fireworks are being presented as the finale.]''
:'''Robin''': Whoo-hoo-hoo! Ah, amazing!
:'''Starfire''': Earth is full of amazing things, too.
:'''Robin''': Best planet I've ever been to. ''[a pink squid-like bot flies out of nowhere and grabs Starfire]'' STARFIRE!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Starfire''': Friends! I invite you to join me in the togetherness of a stay-home movie night. I bring you popcorn and non-cotton candies. Tell me, what sort of movie shall we view?
:'''Robin''': Action.
:'''Beast Boy''': Comedy.
:'''Cyborg''': Sci-fi.
:'''Raven''': Horror.
:''[Starfire drops her load of goodies]''
:'''Starfire''': Perhaps a double feature?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Blackfire''': ''[Chuckles]'' Now don't tell me you big tough superheroes are afraid of a little dancing.
:'''Beast Boy''': Betcha Cyborg can do the Robot.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Raven''': This party is pointless.
:'''Goth Boy''': Everything's pointless. Wanna go talk about it?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Starfire''': Perhaps I do not belong here after all.
:'''Robin''': Of course you don't. You belong down there, having fun with the rest of us. What's wrong?
:'''Starfire''': Nothing is wrong. Everything is wonderful. ''[He sits by her.]'' The pounding music and blinding lights are quite enjoyable. Everything is not wonderful. I am happy to see her, but Blackfire rules the video games, and she is able to share very depressing poems, and she knows the cool moves, and she always knows when people are not talking about shovels. ''[sighs.]'' And I am ''nothing'' like her.
:'''Robin''': No, you're not. And I think-
:'''Blackfire''': ''[wearing a bright pink wig]'' How do I look?
:'''Robin''': Pink. Look, can you give us a minute here?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Centauri 2''': By the name of the Grand Centauri Empire, you are all under arrest. ''[pulls out a badge]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Uh, you can't be the good guys. ''We're'' the good guys.
:'''Centauri 2''': And we are Centauri Police.
:'''Centauri 1''': The Tamaranean girl is a liar and a thief! ''[points to Starfire]'' She's committed high crimes throughout the entire Centauri system.
:'''Starfire''': I have never even been to the Centauri Moons.
:'''Robin''': But I know someone who has. 
:''[He takes the necklace off Starfire, showing the gem Blackfire gave her earlier. Starfire gasps.]'' 
:'''Robin''': ''[to the police giving back the necklace]'' You've been chasing the wrong girl. ''[turns to the others]'' Where's Blackfire?
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[sees a dark figure zooming through the sky]'' Uh...
:'''Robin''': Don't worry, Starfire. She won't get away with this!
:'''Starfire''': No, she will ''NOT!''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Starfire''': Hello, sister.
:'''Blackfire''': Aww, you're mad. I know, I should have told you I was leaving, but you know how I hate goodbyes and-
:'''Starfire''': You are a criminal, and you were going to let me take your place in jail!
:'''Blackfire''': Oh… well… yeah.
:'''Starfire''': You will give back what you have stolen and turn yourself over to the police!
:'''Blackfire''': And what will you do if I don't?
:''[Blackfire warms up a starbolt and lets her have it.]''
:'''Blackfire''': I always was the better fighter.
:'''Starfire''': Not anymore!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Robin''': Hey. How are you doing?
:'''Starfire''': I am… sad for my sister.
:'''Robin''': And for yourself?
:'''Starfire''': I am just glad that the truth was discovered before I was replaced.
:'''Robin''': What are you talking about?
:'''Starfire''': Well, you… everyone was having such fun with her, and then Cyborg said-
:'''Robin''': Look. Your sister was... interesting, but she could never take your place. No one could ''ever'' take your place.

=== ''Final Exam'' [1.03] ===
:'''Cyborg''': How could you lose the remote?
:'''Beast Boy''': What makes you so sure I lost it?
:'''Cyborg''': Uh, 'cause you're you.
:'''Beast Boy''': Hey! Just because I lost that video game-
:'''Cyborg''': -and the waffle iron.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Cyborg''': Come on, man, how could you deny me the all-meat experience?
:'''Beast Boy''': Dude, I've ''been'' most of those animals!
:'''Starfire''': I suggest a large pizza with pickles, bananas, and mint frosting.
:'''Robin''': Uh, Starfire, not everything on the menu is a pizza topping.
:'''Starfire''': Oh.
:'''Cyborg''': Double pepperoni!
:'''Beast Boy''': I'm not eating meat!
:'''Cyborg''': There's no meat in pepperoni!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Beast Boy''': Noooo! This is the worst thing that could ever happen! My tunes, they've been... alphabetized. How am l ever gonna find anything?
:'''Raven''': They went in my room. No one should ''ever'' go into my room.    
:'''Starfire''': ''[gasps as she pops up from the kitchen counter]'' Someone has disposed of all our blue furry food!    
:'''Cyborg''': ''[lifts the couch]'' You gotta be kidding me! The whole place gets cleaned and l still can't find the ---    
:''[Robin whistles, and points at the remote, who's in the coffee table.]''
:'''Cyborg''': Ha! ''[sets the couch down. As Robin is switching channels, his teammates sit in the couch]'' l guess we really oughta be training for battles, tracking down clues, and trying to figure out who Slade is, huh?    
:'''Robin''': We will. But right now, l'm just happy to be part of the team.    

=== ''Forces of Nature'' [1.04] ===
''[After Beast Boy accidentally pranks Starfire]''
:'''Starfire''': Is this punishment? I did something wrong?
:'''Raven''': You didn't. ''He'' did.
:'''Beast Boy''': Star, it was... You weren't supposed to... I didn't... Heh, just remember to change that oil every 3,000 miles. Heh heh.
:'''Starfire''': On my planet we have a name for those who do such horrible things! You are a...A ''KLORBAG VARBLENELK!''
:'''Beast Boy''': I'm a what-bag??
:'''Cyborg''': You heard the lady.
:'''Raven''': You are ''such'' a klorbag.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Beast Boy crawls out as a spider from under a pile of rubble that seemingly fell on top of Starfire. Turns back into normal form]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Star? Starfire? Where are you? ''[climbs down]'' Come on! Gimme a sign here! ''[He starts to dig.]'' You have to be alright, okay? 'Cause I-it was just a joke, you know? Back at the Tower, and...I'm sorry. I never said it, but I'm really, really sorry. It was supposed to be funny. And you could've been hurt, and... ''[softly]'' ...I'm a total klorbag. 
:''[A shadow comes over him. Beast Boy looks over his shoulder]'' 
:'''Beast Boy''': Huh?
:''[It is revealed to Starfire who is standing behind him]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Starfire!
:''[Turns into kitten again and jumps into her arms]''
:'''Starfire''': ''[laughs]'' I am glad you are unharmed as well.
:''[Beast Boy takes normal form again]''
:'''Beast Boy''': I am so sorry. You gotta forgive me.
:'''Starfire''': I already have. Now those evil brothers must be made to apologize.
:'''Beast Boy''': I don't think they ''are'' evil. I think they're just like me.

=== ''The Sum of His Parts'' [1.05] ===
:'''Cyborg''': Mmm-mmm. Would you look at that. A little sunshine, a little breeze. Only one thing could make this day better. Four and a half pounds of baby back ribs! Man, I love picnic food!
:'''Starfire''': Agreed, Cyborg. This tangy yellow beverage is truly delightful.
:'''Cyborg''': Um .. Starfire?
:'''Robin''': That's [[wikipedia:Mustard|mustard]].
:'''Starfire''': Is there more?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Starfire''': Cyborg? Cyborg!
:'''Raven''': What's wrong with him?
:'''Beast Boy''': Is he gonna be okay?
:'''Robin''': Shh. I think he's coming to. Cyborg! Are you all right? ''[He and Starfire pulls him up.]''
:'''Cyborg''': Yeah. ''[Grunts]'' Thanks.
:'''Raven''': What happened?
:'''Cyborg''': Something musta gone wrong with my systems. ''[Checks his power cell.]'' Oh, man! My power cell's dying.
:'''Starfire''': Dying?!?
:'''Cyborg''': It's only a battery. I'm fine. Happens every couple of years. Just a natural part of being unnatural.
:'''Robin''': So what do we do?
:'''Cyborg''': You keep playing. I go home and change batteries. ''[He starts walking away.]''
:'''Beast Boy''': You sure you don't want help?
:'''Cyborg''': Just 'cause I can't have fun doesn't mean y'all can't.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fixit''': Charging is complete. The new power cell is functioning properly.
:'''Cyborg''': Yeah. I'm feeling better. Lots better.
:'''Fixit''': Of course you are. I am Fixit. Things come to me broken. I make repairs. Let me see. Yes...yes...hmm...pity. Interesting. The damage is too extensive. Perhaps if we can find another processor.
:'''Cyborg''': Well, thanks...for everything.
:'''Fixit''': You cannot leave.
:'''Cyborg''': I can't?
:'''Fixit''': You are not repaired, not fully.
:'''Cyborg''': I'm not?
:'''Fixit''': My examination revealed many flaws, serious flaws.
:'''Cyborg''': Serious? How serious? What's wrong with me?
:'''Fixit''': There is no cause for alarm. More repairs are needed. More repairs will be made.
:'''Cyborg''': But, I feel fine. Are you sure I'm-?
:'''Fixit''': Quite. Will you remain? It is for the best.
:'''Cyborg''': Well, yeah, I guess. Let me just tell my friends where I am.
:''[Fix it sabotage his systems as he jammed his communications.]''
:'''Cyborg''': Whoa! Something really is wrong with me.
:'''Fixit''': Rest now. You may contact your friends later. I am sure they are not too concerned.
:'''Cyborg''': Maybe they should be.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fixit''': So... beautiful. I had forgotten how beautiful... a world... through your eyes...
:'''Cyborg''': Through ''human'' eyes.

=== ''Nevermore'' [1.06] ===
:'''Beast Boy''': So, where are we?
:'''Cyborg''': You're asking the wrong robot. My sensors must be on the blank cause they're sayin' we're in Titans Tower.
:'''Beast Boy''': Riiight. So how do we get back?
:'''Cyborg''': Guess we start walking.
:'''Beast Boy''': Come on! I'm serious. We're on a rock in the middle of- ''[He gets cut off by rocks forming a path in front of the two]'' Oh. If sending us to Weirdsville is Raven's idea of a joke, I am ''so'' not laughing.
:'''Cyborg''': Hey, she didn't send us here! You're the one who went snooping in her room and popping zits in her magic mirror!
:'''Beast Boy''': Who booby traps a ''mirror?''
:'''Cyborg''': Maybe it wasn't a trap, maybe its Raven's way home. Maybe this is where she's from.
:'''Beast Boy''': Definitely creepy enough.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[After being narrowly saved from falling nevermore by the ground turning 180 degrees]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Raven?! How did-- Where-- What just-- Why are you wearing ''pink?''
:'''Happy Raven''': 'Cause it's my favorite colour?
:'''Beast Boy''': It ''is?''
:'''Cyborg''': Look, I'd love to talk fashion, but I don't suppose you'd know how to get home?
:'''Happy Raven''': The Forbidden Door. It's the only way out. But you don't wanna go there. Not now.
:'''Beast Boy, Cyborg''': Uh... yeah, we do!
:'''Happy Raven''': Okay, but don't say I didn't warn you!
:''[She leads them to the door, pretending to be an aeroplane. Cyborg and Beast Boy follow her]''
:'''Cyborg''': Have you ever seen her ''this'' happy?
:'''Beast Boy''': Dude, I didn't even think Raven could ''do'' happy.

=== ''Switched'' [1.07] ===
:'''Cyborg''': ''[About the puppets]'' Aww, isn't that cute? Puppet Cy has a light-up eye.
:'''Robin''': Yeah. They got all the details just right.
:'''Beast Boy''': Speak for yourself! I'm way better looking than ''this''. And taller.
:'''Raven''': Someone certainly has a lot of time on their hands.
:'''Starfire''': ''[giggles]'' I have never seen such a whimsical device. ''[voicing puppet Starfire]'' &quot;Hello, Starfire&quot;. ''[normal voice]'' Hello, tiny wooden replica of Starfire!
:'''Beast Boy''': Dude, my puppet is totally kicking your puppet's butt!
:'''Robin''': Not for long. 
:''[his puppet pushes Beast Boy's puppet and it accidentally hits Cyborg's puppet]''
:'''Cyborg''': You wanna piece of me little man?
:'''Robin''': Come on, show me whatcha got, Beast Boy!
:'''Raven''': Boys...
:'''Starfire''': Shall my tiny replica do battle with your tiny replica?
:'''Raven''': ''[tosses her puppet to her]'' Knock yourself out.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Starfire''': ''[voiceover; whispering]'' The boys! Raven, what are we gonna…?
:''[Raven, now in Starfire's body, pulls on a string, turning the light on. She stares at Starfire, who is in her own body]''
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': Starfire?
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Raven?! ''[gasps]'' You're me! ''[gasps again as she looks at herself]'' And I'm you!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Oh, Raven, this is awful! ''Terribly'', ''horribly'' awful!
:''[As Raven climbs out, they walk down a path. Starfire gradually panics as she talks, causing the black telekinesis to bend three parking meters, makes two boxes shoot out sheets of newspaper like geysers, and a mailbox to melt]''
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': Tell me about it.
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Very well. Robin, Cyborg and Beast Boy have been trapped inside tiny wooden bodies, while a nasty creature called the Puppet King has taken control of their real bodies, which he's using to hunt us down, and you and I are in the wrong bodies, and… ''[gasps as Raven puts her hand on her shoulder]''
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': Starfire! You have to calm down. My powers are driven by emotions. The more you feel, the more energy you unleash.
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': But what if they find us? What if our friends are doomed? And what if I'm stuck, looking like this forever?! 
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': We'll fix it. I don't know how, but we'll rescue the boys, and we'll get our bodies back. What's wrong with the way I look?
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Nothing.
:''[As Starfire holds her hands up, a walk sign explodes]''
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': I'll try to calm down. ''[closes her eyes as she sighs, then spreads her arms out]'' Peace, quiet, tranquil…
:''[A blast causes a car to get launched in the air, then crash lands on its roof on the road]''
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': We're so doomed.
:''[An eagle screech from Beast Boy as an eagle. The duo look up as Starfire points]''
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Beast Boy!
:''[He dives in after the girls]''
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': You mean ''zombie'' Beast Boy. &lt;big&gt;'''''Run!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[The girls run in an alley. Still in Starfire's body, Raven flaps her arms and jumps, as if trying to fly]''
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': Fly! Fly!
:''[The girls slow to a walk]''
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': We cannot fight them again. I do not wish to, and in our present condition we would surely be defeated!
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': OK, how do you fly this thing?
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': You must ''feel'' flight. 
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': What? 
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': When you feel the unbridled joy of flight, you will fly!
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': Unbridled joy...Not really my thing. 
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Look!
:''[They spot zombie Beast Boy]''
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': What do I have to feel to use star bolts?
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Righteous fury!
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': Your alien strength?
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Boundless confidence!
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': Never mind.

=== ''Deep Six'' [1.08] ===
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[In reply to Starfire's comment about the marine life]'' If you think ''that's'' cool, wait till you see me out there kicking butt! First, I'm goin' shark. 
:''[He starts snapping his jaws, mimicking a shark. Cyborg presses the 'off' switch controlling Beast Boy's microphone]''
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[Now muffled]'' Hey! What just...is this thing on?! Hey, cut it out!
:'''Cyborg''': ''[Turns it back on]'' Goodness me, I seem to have accidentally switched off Beast Boy's microphone.
:'''Raven''': Could you go ahead and accidentally ''leave'' it off?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[As a squid, chasing the Titans as they sink]'' I got it, I got it! ''[Two whales pass him]'' Huh? ''[The two whales save the Titans]'' ''They'' got it? How come ''they'' got it?
:'''Aqualad''': Because I asked for their help.
:'''Beast Boy''': You talk to fish? Yeah right!
:'''Aqualad''': I'm talking to you, aren't I?
:'''Beast Boy''': Well I, uh... technically I'm a squid.

=== ''Masks'' [1.09] ===
:'''Robin''': Tell Slade if he wants this, he can come get it himself!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Robin''': Now talk! Who's Slade? Why does he want this chip? And why are you working...for...him?
:'''Slade''': Excellent work, Robin.
:'''Robin''': Slade!
:'''Slade''': Really, I think your skills are improving.
:'''Robin''': No more games! What do you want?
:'''Slade''': But you do lack patience. If you're really so curious about my intentions, perhaps we should meet face to face.
:'''Robin''': Tell me where you're hiding and I'll be there in a heartbeat!
:'''Slade''': Patience, Robin. Patience.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Beast Boy''': O.K, all work and no flicks makes me a dull Beast Boy. So my fellow couch potatoes, what'll it be? Super Ninja Showdown 8? Or Maniac Fury: Attack of the Protozoids?
:'''Raven''': ''[Sarcastically]'' Gee. They both sound so good.
:'''Cyborg''': Yeah, it's really hard to pick. Wanna watch 'em both?!
:'''Starfire''': Perhaps Robin would enjoy potatoing the couch with us? Tell me, is he-?
:'''Beast Boy''': -In the exact same place he's been since his little chat session with Slade? Uh, yeah.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Starfire''': Robin? I am wondering if you might wish to-
:'''Robin''': No... thanks. But I need to figure out why Slade wanted that chip.
:'''Starfire''': Agreed; and perhaps if you were to take a break, the answer would be easier to-
:'''Robin''': I can't. You almost got hurt. Next time could be worse. He's planning something; I have to find out what.
:'''Starfire''': But Robin, I am sure that- ''[he closes the door]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Red X''': Rumor has it, you're interested in this.
:'''Slade''': I'm interested in many things, Mr. …
:'''Red X''': X. Red X.
:'''Slade''': Hmmm. Catchy. So, are you proposing a sale or a gift?
:'''Red X''': A partnership. I give you the chip, you cut me in on your plans.
:'''Slade''': Partnership. My, my, we are ambitious. But an alliance cannot be forged from one small chip. If you're going to win my trust, I'll require more.
:'''Red X''': Just tell me what you want.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Impressive, Red X. I tapped into the security cameras to catch your performance. You treated the Titans to quite a show.
:'''Red X''': Glad you enjoyed it. Is the audition over?
:'''Slade''': Patience. Trust is easy to destroy, but it takes time to build. One last test. Prove yourself and we'll meet to discuss your future.
:'''Red X''': Good.
:''[He takes the mask off, revealing himself to be Robin.]''
:'''Robin''': It's about time we met face to face.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Excellent work. Honestly, I couldn't have done better myself.
:'''Red X''': So, do we have a deal?
:'''Slade''': Indeed. You and I are so very much alike. It seems only natural that we should be partners.
:'''Red X''': What are they for? I need to know what we're planning… partner.
:'''Slade''': Patience. You can't expect me to trust you with such sensitive information right away… can you… ''Robin?''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Careful. I wouldn't want you getting hurt.
:'''Robin''': I'm not the one who's going to get hurt. Now hand them over!
:'''Slade''': Robin. I thought we had a deal.
:'''Robin''': Sorry. I have a strict rule against giving stolen technology to psychos.
:'''Slade''': How very noble of you. But stealing in order to trap me? That wasn't so noble. Two wrongs don't make a-
:'''Robin''': Don't ever lecture me! Whatever you're planning, Slade, it's over!
:'''Slade''': On the contrary, Robin, it's just begun.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Robin''': You… ''saved'' me?
:'''Slade''': I'm not through with you.
:''[He hauls Robin back up and tosses him across the rooftop. The brawl starts all over again, until Robin seems to have the upper hand.]''
:'''Robin''': This ends ''now!''
:''[He pulls the man's mask off. It's revealed to be another robot.]''
:'''Slade''': Patience, Robin. We'll meet face to face some other time. Oh, and speaking of time…
:''[The timer is set as the robot was about to self-destruct.]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Heh. At least he didn't get the chips.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Robin''': You want to yell at me, too? Everyone else has, and I don't blame them.
:'''Starfire''': I do not wish to yell, merely to understand. Robin, why did you not tell us the truth?
:'''Robin''': I needed to fool Slade. If you guys knew it was me under that mask, you guys would have held back. Doesn't matter anyway, Slade figured it out, and I haven't figured anything out about him.
:'''Starfire''': That is not true. Whoever Slade is, you and he are... similar. He did not trust you... and you did not trust us.

=== ''Mad Mod'' [1.10] ===
:'''Cyborg''': Make him laugh!
:'''Starfire''': ''[to Beast Boy]'' How many okarins does it take to hogie a morflark? Fimbar! Um... boogers?
:'''Beast Boy''': Hahahahaha! Boogers! Oh, man!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Starfire''': I cannot awaken Beast Boy. I have tried the tickling, all manners of bodily noises, and the word &quot;underpants&quot;. I fear that this time his brain is gone forever.
:'''Raven''': Beast Boy ''had'' a brain?
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[wakes up and laughs]'' Ha ha! Good one! ''[stops]'' Dude, that's not funny! I totally have a brain! I just don't use it much...

=== ''Car Trouble'' [1.11] ===
:'''Cyborg''': You lost my car?... My car lost a race?!
:'''Thief''': No way, we beat him easy. She handled like a dream!
:'''Cyborg''': She did? How'd she take the curves 'cause, Y'know, I've been working on the suspension, and-d-d-d-d- Don't try to distract me! Who has her now?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Raven''': Fourteen milkshakes. Not a good sign.
:'''Cyborg''': What are you doing here?
:'''Raven''': Looking for your car. Soon as we turned Overload in to the police, we all split up to search the city.
:'''Cyborg''': Might as well stop looking. T-Car’s probably halfway to Metropolis by now... from the day I designed her, I knew she was gonna be special. And I work so hard every fuel injector every spark plug. I made her perfect. I put my heart, my soul, and my circuits into this car. And now she's gone forever. Maybe you were right, maybe it was just a car.
:'''Raven''': Maybe. Maybe not. When I use my powers, I have to put a little of my soul into whatever I'm moving. I become a part of it, and it becomes a part of me. That's kinda what happened here. It wasn't just a car. It was… your baby.
:'''Cyborg''': Yeah. Thanks, Rae.
:''[Raven smiles]''
:'''Raven''': And someone's eating onion rings in your baby.
:'''Cyborg''': ''[Sees Gizmo drive off in his car]'' He'll get ketchup on the seats!

=== ''Apprentice'' ===
==== Part 1 [1.12] ====
:'''Slade''': Dangerous behavior, Robin. You must be very eager to see me. I'm flattered.
:'''Robin''': I'm not here to see you. I'm here to stop you.
:'''Slade''': Hmm. But how can you stop me, when you don't even know what I'm planning?
:'''Robin''': Like this.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Excellent, Robin. We appear to be evenly matched and equally ruthless. Not surprising. You and I are so very much alike.
:'''Robin''': I'm ''nothing'' like you! You're a criminal, a psychopath! All you care about is destruction!
:'''Slade''': And all you care about, you ''destroy''. ''[Showing the crumbled rocks that look like the Titans.]''
:'''Robin''': No... who are you?! ''[He rips off Slade's mask, revealing his own face laughing evilly. He wakes up]''
:'''Cyborg''': ''[offscreen]'' It's him. ''[He's behind the door.]'' It's Slade.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': ''[On computer screen]'' Good morning, Teen Titans. I do hope I didn't wake you.
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[Yawning]'' What are you, an insomniac? Who calls at five in the morning-? ''[Raven elbows him]''
:'''Robin''': What do you want?
:'''Slade''': Well, that's precisely what you've been trying to find out, isn't it? And in spite of all your efforts, you're still in the dark about my intentions. Disappointing, Robin. I expected a little more from you.
:'''Robin''': Like I care what you-
:'''Slade''': But since you've been unable to discover my plan, I suppose I'll just have to reveal it myself. I'm sure you're all familiar with the concept of a Chronoton Detonator...
:'''Cyborg''': No!
:'''Starfire''': ''[Gasps]''
:'''Raven''': Uh-oh.
:'''Beast Boy''': No way! ...um, what's a crouton detonator?
:'''Starfire''': It eradicates all chronotons within a localized area, utterly destroying the temporal component of the space-time continuum.
:'''Beast Boy''': Hmm?
:'''Raven''': It stops time. Permanently. 
:''[Beast Boy faints.]''
:'''Cyborg''': If he triggers that thing downtown, it'll freeze-frame the entire city.
:'''Robin''': Tell me where!
:'''Slade''': You're a clever boy, Robin. I'm sure you and your little friends can figure it out. However, since I control the detonation, time is not on your side.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Hurry, young Titans. Your time is running out.
:'''Robin''': ''[appearing behind Slade]'' Actually… we just went into overtime.
:'''Slade''': Robin. Welcome. I've been expecting you for some time. I was beginning to wonder if Cinderblock was too much of a challenge. Looking for this? Well… here it is. If you want it, come and take it.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Come now, Robin. You'll have to do better than that. I haven't even broken a sweat.
:''[As Robin is terminated to win, Slade grabs his hand as his counter move]''
:'''Slade''': Good technique.
:''[Slade bends his arm and throws Robin across the room.]''
:'''Slade''': Good, but not perfect.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': I understand your frustration, Robin. You hate losing as much as I do. One of the many qualities we have in common.
:''[Robin knocks Slade down, he picks up the remote]''
:'''Robin''': It's over, Slade!
:'''Slade''': On the contrary, Robin.
:'''Robin''': Huh?
:''[It breaks apart in his hand.]''
:'''Slade''': This is only the beginning.
:'''Robin''': Where's the real trigger?
:'''Slade''': Trigger? There is no trigger. Because there is no detonator.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Nanoscopic probes. The Chronoton Detonator was merely the bait for a much larger trap. You see, with the push of a button… ''[He shows that his thumb it's on the trigger]'' …my probes will destroy your friends from the inside out.
:'''Robin''': You can't control them. No matter what you threaten, they'll never obey you.
:'''Slade''': This isn't about your friends, Robin. It's about you. It's always been about you.
:'''Robin''': What?
:'''Slade''': Sending trouble your way. Leaving cryptic clues for you to unravel. I was testing you. For some time now, I have been searching for… an apprentice. Someone to follow in my footsteps. And Robin, I've chosen you. Congratulations.
:'''Robin''': No way would I ever work for-
:''[Slade shows Robin the kill switch attempting to use it]''
:'''Slade''': If you join me… if you swear to serve me… if you never speak to your friends again… I will allow them to live. But… if you disobey even the smallest request… I will ''annihilate'' them, Robin - and I will make you ''watch''. So, do we have a deal?

:''[Closing line]''
:'''Slade''': I know it seems bad now. But trust me, you'll learn to like it.

==== Part 2 [1.13] ====
:'''Starfire''': Robin? Robin! Please, Robin, where are you?
:'''Raven''': Starfire, enough. You've been calling for forty-five minutes.
:'''Starfire''': Perhaps if I just try one more-
:'''Beast Boy''': Come on, Star. If he's gonna pick up, he'd have done it by now. Besides, you're kinda giving me a headache.
:'''Starfire''': But why does he not respond? Where could he be?
:'''Cyborg''': Robin and Cinderblock definitely went a few rounds, but I can't tell who won, or where they went.
:'''Raven''': No sign of him here, either. His locator is still offline. I've been monitoring all the frequencies, but he hasn't checked in. 
:'''Starfire''': Oh, we are bad friends! We should never have left Robin to do battle alone.
:'''Beast Boy''': Yeah, especially since Slade's big doodad was a dud.
:'''Raven''': The Chronoton Detonator wasn't a dud. It was a decoy to lure us away from Robin, and we fell for it.
:'''Cyborg''': I shoulda known that thing was a fake!
:'''Starfire''': But why? Why did Slade wish to separate us from Robin?
:'''Beast Boy''': And if the detonator was a decoy…
:'''Raven''': …what was Slade's real plan?
:'''Cyborg''': Titans! Trouble!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Excellent, Robin. I'm pleased. You're already proving to be the perfect apprentice.
:'''Robin''': This deal can't last forever.
:'''Slade''': It can. And it will. The Titans still have no idea that my Chronoton Detonator was more than a decoy. Now that my probes are inside their bodies, they could remain undetected for years, decades. Unless, of course, you disobey me, and I decide to destroy your former friends with a push of the button.
:'''Robin''': Sooner or later, you'll let your guard down. I ''will'' get that controller, and the instant they're out of danger, ''you will pay''.
:'''Slade''': That sounds like a threat, young man. Quite a good threat, actually. Betrayal, destruction, revenge. We really do think alike. I monitored your vital signs during the mission. Elevated heart rate, adrenaline, endorphins. You won't admit it, but at some level, you ''enjoyed'' stealing for me. It was a thrill, wasn't it? You're going to keep stealing, Robin. And you're going to keep getting that thrill. And sooner or later, you will see things my way. Who knows? I might even become like a father to you.
:'''Robin''': I already have a father.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Cyborg''': You're not walking outta here, Robin! Not without a fight. Titans! ''Go!''
:''[As the Titans are ready to fight him, Robin dodges their attacks and escape through the air vents to go to the roof]''
:'''Slade''':''[through earpiece]'' Not so fast, Robin. You have yet to achieve your objective.
:'''Robin''': The device was too heavily guarded. I'll have to steal it another-
:'''Slade''': ''NO!'' Go back. Unless you want me to destroy them, go back and fight.
:'''Cyborg''': Robin! Look, I don't know what's going on, but we don't want to fight.  We just want to talk.
:''[Robin uses a high flying kick that drives Cyborg back past the other three.]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Guess there's nothing to talk about.
:''[Beast Boy tries to take him down, but Robin manages to pin him on the 'A' in Wayne Enterprise sign.]''
:'''Starfire''': Please-
:''[He runs pass her to fight the others instead.]''
:'''Cyborg''': ''[aiming his proton cannon]'' Don't make me…
:''[He powers it down]''
:''[While Raven and Cyborg tries to subdue Robin, Beast Boy escapes the sign letter as a snake and then turns into a bullhorn sheep and rams him]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Dude! Are you okay?
:''[He then kicks BB and hurls him at Cyborg.]''
:'''Slade''': Fight to win, Robin. Use the thermal blaster.
:'''Raven''': Azarath, Metrion, ZINTHOS!
:''[She uses spell lifts up and binds Robin. However, he scales a disc at her and explodes on the sign causing in her face a blinding flash.]''
:'''Raven''': I…can't…see!
:''[Raven falls to the roof]''
:'''Starfire''': No! 
:''[Cyborg is blocking Robin’s punches.]''
:'''Cyborg''': Come on, man, don't make me do this! I don't want to do this!
:''[Activates the weapon again. Robin low foot sweeps him, making Cyborg lose his balance. Robin goes to run off the top of the building, only to be stopped by Starfire raising her starbolt at him.]''
:'''Starfire''': ''Stop!'' Do. Not. Move.
:'''Slade''': I thought I told you to use that blaster. Attack! ''Now!''
:''[Robin raises the weapon and points it on Starfire.]''
:'''Starfire''': Robin, you are my best friend. I cannot be in a world where we must fight. If you are truly evil, then go ahead. ''[She lowers her arm.]'' Do what you must.
:'''Robin''': ''[He lowers his arm as well.]'' Starfire, no! I- ''[the earpiece screeches feedback in his ear]''
:'''Slade''': ''ROBIN!'' I gave you an order. If ''you'' won't attack, my probes ''will''.
:''[He pushes the button. The nano probes slowly begins to kill Starfire]''
:'''Robin''': Starfire!
:''[He sees that it's also happening to the other Titans too.]''
:'''Robin''': ''Stop! Please stop!''
:'''Slade''': Attack, Robin. It's the only way to save them. Attack with everything you've got. 
:'''Starfire''': Robin… 
:'''Robin''': ''[He points the blaster down at her and whispers]'' I’m sorry. ''[He fires.]''
:'''Slade''': That's my boy.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Thrilling. My apprentice is progressing even faster than I had hoped. All he needed was a little motivation.
:'''Robin''': Motivate ''THIS''!
:''[Slade counters and hurls Robin towards the ground.]''
:'''Slade''': Robin. That was vicious, dishonorable, and ruthless. '''Excellent work.''' You're becoming more like me every second.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Good, Robin. You're doing much better than last time. A few more years of training, and you might actually pose a threat.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': You're going to wish you hadn't done that.
:'''Robin''': I only wish I'd done it sooner. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': I have much to teach you. But the first thing you need to learn is gratitude.
:''[Robin tries for another go at the kill switch, but Slade seizes his arm and bends it back past the shoulder before dumping him onto his back.]''
:'''Slade''': I made you my apprentice. All my knowledge, all my power, all for you. But the only thing you care about is your WORTHLESS, LITTLE. '''FRIENDS!!!''' ''[They both get up]'' If the Titans are so distracting, maybe I should just get rid of them.
:'''Robin''': Don't. I'll do whatever you say.
:'''Slade''': Good boy. And, from now on, I'd like you to call me Master.
:''[A starbolt blasts him away to land right in front of the monitors]''
:'''Starfire''': Leave. Him. '''Alone...!'''
:'''Slade''': Robin! ''Attack!''
:'''Robin''': Get out of here! Go! You don't know what those beams did to-
:'''Beast Boy''': Dude…
:'''Raven''': …We know…
:'''Cyborg''': …And we don't ''care''.
:'''Starfire''': We are your ''friends'', Robin. We are ''not'' leaving without you.
:'''Slade''': How very touching. ''[puts his finger on the button]'' But Robin doesn't need any friends.
:''[He presses it, bringing the rapparatus to life; red energy bolts blaze out across the space. The Titans collapse on the ground]''
:'''Slade''': This is the price for your disobedience, Robin. Now do as I command. ''Attack!''
:'''Robin''': No. ''[He dashes off.]''
:'''Slade''': Robin!
:''[Robin runs towards the device and gets himself infected with nano probes. His name and infected bloodstream appear on a 5th monitor]''
:'''Robin''': '''New deal, Slade.''' If I lose my friends, you lose your apprentice. '''And I know how you hate to lose.'''
:''[Robin falls down on his knees as he continues to die slowly. Slade destroys the kill switch and he tries to attack again, but Robin quickly counters his move, leaving him flying across the room.]''
:'''Robin''': Titans! ''Go!''
:''[Beast Boy, now a tiger, is first to do damage with a clawed swipe that pierces the armor. Cyborg and Starfire move in next, starbolts and cannon going full throttle to blast Slade backward. As he tumbles, Raven casts a spell to bind his feet and sling him hard onto the platform. Robin delivers a flying kick on his masked face. The right half of his mask drops away and skids across the floor, and he now stands up with one big hand covering the exposed portion of his visage. He turns and runs off.]''
:'''Slade''': Another day, Robin. ''Another day''.
:''[The whole lair was set to self-destruct. Slade gets away, and before the Titans can leave, Cyborg grabs the device that contains a solution to get rid of the probs inside them.]''
:'''Robin''': Let's go home.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[hooked up to a probe removal machine]'' Am I done yet?
:'''Cyborg''': That's it, y'all. The Teen Titans are officially probe-free.
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[Doing &quot;the robot&quot;]'' YEAH! Go, Beast Boy, you're probeless, no probes now, go Beast Boy, go Beast Boy... get funky! ''[Moonwalks]'' Uh-uh, that's right...
:'''Raven''': Um...I know this isn't my style, but we just kicked Slade's butt. Shouldn't we celebrate or something?
:'''Beast Boy''': Yeah!
:'''Cyborg''': All-you-can-eat…
:'''Beast Boy''': …free-form…
:'''Beast Boy and Cyborg''': Breakfast explosion!
:'''Raven''': Sorry I asked.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Robin''': Everything okay?
:'''Starfire''': I am sorry.
:'''Robin''': ''You're'' sorry? For what?
:'''Starfire''': When things were bad, there was a moment where I truly believed that you were...like Slade. I doubted you. And for that, I am sorry.
:'''Robin''': I doubted myself, Star. Focused, serious, determined...as much as I hate to admit it, he and I are kind of alike. But there's one big difference between me and Slade. ''[Smiles]'' He doesn't have any friends.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Beast Boy''': Who wants tofu waffles?
:'''Cyborg''': Man, nobody wants tofu waffles.
:'''Beast Boy''': I do. Pass me the soy milk.
:'''Cyborg''': I'm telling you, you're not getting anywhere near the soy milk.
:'''Beast Boy''': Man, pass me the soy milk!
:'''Cyborg''': Is there ''meat'' in the tofu?
:'''Beast Boy''': No, there's no meat in tofu, it's ''tofu''!
:'''Cyborg''': Nobody wants it...

==Characters==
===Main===
* [[w:Dick Grayson|Dick Grayson/Robin]]
* [[w:Cyborg (comics)|Victor Stone/Cyborg]]
* [[w:Beast Boy|Garfield Logan/Beast Boy]]
* [[w:Starfire (Teen Titans)|Koriand'r/Starfire]]
* [[w:Raven (DC comics)|Rachel Roth/Raven]]

===Supporting===
* [[w:Deathstroke|Slade]] (6 episodes)
* [[w:Blackfire (DC Comics)|Komand'r/Blackfire]] (debuts in &quot;Sisters&quot;)
* [[w:Garth (comics)|Aqualad]] (debuts in &quot;Deep Six&quot;)
* [[w:Jinx (DC Comics)|Jinx]] (debuts in &quot;Final Exam&quot;)
* [[w:Gizmo (DC Comics)|Gizmo]] (debuts in &quot;Final Exam&quot;)
* [[w:Thunder and Lightning (comics)|Thunder and Lightning]] (debut in &quot;Forces of Nature&quot;)

==External links==
{{wikipedia|Teen Titans (season 1)}}

[[Category:Teen Titans seasons]]
[[Category:Children's television seasons]]</text>
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      <comment>Undid edits by [[Special:Contribs/~2026-29936-90|~2026-29936-90]] ([[User talk:~2026-29936-90|talk]]) to last version by Der-Wir-Ing: reverting vandalism</comment>
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'''''[[Teen Titans (TV series)|Teen Titans]]''''' Season 1 (2003).

==Episodes 1–13==
=== ''Divide and Conquer'' [1.01] ===
:'''Beast Boy''': You know, Cinderblock, normally, the bad guys break ''out'' of jail.
:'''Robin''': And I can think of five good reasons why you don't want to break in.
:''[Robin leaps across the floor and lands in a crouch.]''
:'''Robin''': One!
:''[Now Starfire swoops and lands.]''
:'''Starfire''': Two!
:''[Beast Boy, as a tiger, lunges in. And when he comes down, he quickly changes into human form.]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Three!
:''[Next, Raven drops in.]''
:'''Raven''': Four!
:''[Finally, Cyborg jumps in.]''
:'''Cyborg''': Five!
:'''Robin''': No matter how you do the math, it all adds up to you going down. So, are you going to go quietly…
:'''Cyborg''': …Or is this gonna get loud? 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Robin''': Want to give this guy the Sonic Boom?
:'''Cyborg''': I got the Sonic if you got the Boom.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Beast Boy''': Jailbreak? I don't see any jailbreak.
:'''Robin''': None of us would have seen one if Cyborg hadn't messed up!
:'''Cyborg''': Me? I messed up nothing! You got in my way!
:'''Robin''': You were too far forward, and Cinderblock got away because of it!
:'''Cyborg''': You saying this is my fault?
:'''Robin''': Want me to say it again?
:'''Starfire''': Stop! No more mean talking!
:'''Beast Boy''': Yeah. If you two are gonna fight, we need time to sell tickets.
:'''Raven''': Cinderblock escaped. No amount of yelling will change that. So stop acting like idiots, and let's go home.
:'''Robin &amp; Cyborg''': Hmph!
:''[They stride away]''
:'''Robin''': Loser.
:'''Cyborg''': Jerk.
:'''Robin &amp; Cyborg''': '''''WHAT'D YOU SAY?!'''''
:'''Robin''': You got a problem, tin man?!
:'''Cyborg''': Yeah! It's four feet tall and smells like cheap hair gel!
:'''Robin''': Well, you're an oversized klutz and your feet smell like motor oil!
:'''Cyborg''': You're bossy, you're rude, you got no taste in music!
:'''Robin''': I don't even know why you're on this team!
:'''Cyborg''': That makes two of us! I '''''QUIT!'''''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Cyborg''': ''[answering machine]'' This is Cyborg. I'm either in the gym, playing GameStation, or kicking bad-guy butt. Leave a message. ''[Beep.]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Come on, Cy, pick up. I know you're there. The phone's built into your arm!
:'''Starfire''': Taste. ''[Starfire puts it into his mouth and he spits it out.]''
:'''Beast Boy''': What is that? Cream of toenails?
:'''Starfire''': Pudding of Sadness. It is what the people of my planet eat when bad things happen. ''[Takes a spoonful herself and then turns to Raven]'' Try. The displeasing taste will ease your troubled mind.
:'''Raven''': My mind is never troubled. People come, people go. It's pointless to be upset about Cyborg.
:''[All the monitors crack; a sudden display of her powers]''
:'''Raven''': What?
:'''Starfire''': Here, Robin. You must need this most of all since… well…
:'''Robin''': I'm fine. Who knows? Maybe we're better off without him.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Cyborg''': I still got the Sonic if you still got the Boom.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Robin &amp; Cyborg''': Teen Titans! Go!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Robin''': Look, uh… sorry about…
:'''Cyborg''': Yeah.
:'''Robin''': So… are we cool?
:'''Cyborg''': Frosty. ''[As they tap fists.]''
:'''Starfire''': You made up! Glorious! I wish to initiate a group hug.
:'''Raven''': Pass.
:'''Beast Boy''': Yeah, yeah, yeah, warm fuzzies all around. But we still gotta stop Cinderblock.
:'''Cyborg''': No, we don't. Thought I'd bring a present, 'case you were still mad.
:''[Cinderblock is wrapped in steel and being hoist up by a crane.]''
:'''Robin''': Thanks. But there is one thing that's still bothering me. Breaking into jail? Using Plasmus to distract us? The whole plan seems to be a little too smart for Cinderblock.
:'''Cyborg''': I've been thinking the same thing.
:'''Robin''': Someone must have been pulling the strings. But who?
:'''Cyborg''': Well, whoever they are… they're no match for the Teen Titans. ''[He and Robin trade a high five.]''
:'''Robin''': I heard that!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Next time, my plans ''will'' succeed. And the Titans ''will'' pay.

=== ''Sisters'' [1.02] ===
:'''Starfire''': ''[Gasps]'' Beautiful, tell me again what they are called?
:'''Robin''': Fireworks.
:'''Starfire''': On my home planet, such explosions would mean the Gordanians were attacking. You are sure certain Earth is not under attack?
:'''Robin''': Positive. Cotton candy? ''[Offers some]''
:'''Starfire''': The last time I ate a ball of cotton, it was white, and it did not taste very-
:'''Robin''': This is different. ''[he pulls off a piece and eats it]''
:'''Starfire''': ''[She eats some]'' Mmmm… ''[Squeal]'' It vanished!
:'''Robin''': ''[Chuckles]'' Yeah, it'll do that.
:'''Starfire''': ''[Sighs]'' When I first came to this planet, I did not think I would ever fit in. Earth was full of strange things. But now, I see that-
:'''Robin''': Here comes the finale! Yes!
:''[In the sky, the display of fireworks are being presented as the finale.]''
:'''Robin''': Whoo-hoo-hoo! Ah, amazing!
:'''Starfire''': Earth is full of amazing things, too.
:'''Robin''': Best planet I've ever been to. ''[a pink squid-like bot flies out of nowhere and grabs Starfire]'' STARFIRE!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Starfire''': Friends! I invite you to join me in the togetherness of a stay-home movie night. I bring you popcorn and non-cotton candies. Tell me, what sort of movie shall we view?
:'''Robin''': Action.
:'''Beast Boy''': Comedy.
:'''Cyborg''': Sci-fi.
:'''Raven''': Horror.
:''[Starfire drops her load of goodies]''
:'''Starfire''': Perhaps a double feature?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Blackfire''': ''[Chuckles]'' Now don't tell me you big tough superheroes are afraid of a little dancing.
:'''Beast Boy''': Betcha Cyborg can do the Robot.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Raven''': This party is pointless.
:'''Goth Boy''': Everything's pointless. Wanna go talk about it?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Starfire''': Perhaps I do not belong here after all.
:'''Robin''': Of course you don't. You belong down there, having fun with the rest of us. What's wrong?
:'''Starfire''': Nothing is wrong. Everything is wonderful. ''[He sits by her.]'' The pounding music and blinding lights are quite enjoyable. Everything is not wonderful. I am happy to see her, but Blackfire rules the video games, and she is able to share very depressing poems, and she knows the cool moves, and she always knows when people are not talking about shovels. ''[sighs.]'' And I am ''nothing'' like her.
:'''Robin''': No, you're not. And I think-
:'''Blackfire''': ''[wearing a bright pink wig]'' How do I look?
:'''Robin''': Pink. Look, can you give us a minute here?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Centauri 2''': By the name of the Grand Centauri Empire, you are all under arrest. ''[pulls out a badge]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Uh, you can't be the good guys. ''We're'' the good guys.
:'''Centauri 2''': And we are Centauri Police.
:'''Centauri 1''': The Tamaranean girl is a liar and a thief! ''[points to Starfire]'' She's committed high crimes throughout the entire Centauri system.
:'''Starfire''': I have never even been to the Centauri Moons.
:'''Robin''': But I know someone who has. 
:''[He takes the necklace off Starfire, showing the gem Blackfire gave her earlier. Starfire gasps.]'' 
:'''Robin''': ''[to the police giving back the necklace]'' You've been chasing the wrong girl. ''[turns to the others]'' Where's Blackfire?
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[sees a dark figure zooming through the sky]'' Uh...
:'''Robin''': Don't worry, Starfire. She won't get away with this!
:'''Starfire''': No, she will ''NOT!''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Starfire''': Hello, sister.
:'''Blackfire''': Aww, you're mad. I know, I should have told you I was leaving, but you know how I hate goodbyes and-
:'''Starfire''': You are a criminal, and you were going to let me take your place in jail!
:'''Blackfire''': Oh… well… yeah.
:'''Starfire''': You will give back what you have stolen and turn yourself over to the police!
:'''Blackfire''': And what will you do if I don't?
:''[Blackfire warms up a starbolt and lets her have it.]''
:'''Blackfire''': I always was the better fighter.
:'''Starfire''': Not anymore!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Robin''': Hey. How are you doing?
:'''Starfire''': I am… sad for my sister.
:'''Robin''': And for yourself?
:'''Starfire''': I am just glad that the truth was discovered before I was replaced.
:'''Robin''': What are you talking about?
:'''Starfire''': Well, you… everyone was having such fun with her, and then Cyborg said-
:'''Robin''': Look. Your sister was... interesting, but she could never take your place. No one could ''ever'' take your place.

=== ''Final Exam'' [1.03] ===
:'''Cyborg''': How could you lose the remote?
:'''Beast Boy''': What makes you so sure I lost it?
:'''Cyborg''': Uh, 'cause you're you.
:'''Beast Boy''': Hey! Just because I lost that video game-
:'''Cyborg''': -and the waffle iron.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Cyborg''': Come on, man, how could you deny me the all-meat experience?
:'''Beast Boy''': Dude, I've ''been'' most of those animals!
:'''Starfire''': I suggest a large pizza with pickles, bananas, and mint frosting.
:'''Robin''': Uh, Starfire, not everything on the menu is a pizza topping.
:'''Starfire''': Oh.
:'''Cyborg''': Double pepperoni!
:'''Beast Boy''': I'm not eating meat!
:'''Cyborg''': There's no meat in pepperoni!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Beast Boy''': Noooo! This is the worst thing that could ever happen! My tunes, they've been... alphabetized. How am l ever gonna find anything?
:'''Raven''': They went in my room. No one should ''ever'' go into my room.    
:'''Starfire''': ''[gasps as she pops up from the kitchen counter]'' Someone has disposed of all our blue furry food!    
:'''Cyborg''': ''[lifts the couch]'' You gotta be kidding me! The whole place gets cleaned and l still can't find the ---    
:''[Robin whistles, and points at the remote, who's in the coffee table.]''
:'''Cyborg''': Ha! ''[sets the couch down. As Robin is switching channels, his teammates sit in the couch]'' l guess we really oughta be training for battles, tracking down clues, and trying to figure out who Slade is, huh?    
:'''Robin''': We will. But right now, l'm just happy to be part of the team.    

=== ''Forces of Nature'' [1.04] ===
''[After Beast Boy accidentally pranks Starfire]''
:'''Starfire''': Is this punishment? I did something wrong?
:'''Raven''': You didn't. ''He'' did.
:'''Beast Boy''': Star, it was... You weren't supposed to... I didn't... Heh, just remember to change that oil every 3,000 miles. Heh heh.
:'''Starfire''': On my planet we have a name for those who do such horrible things! You are a...A ''KLORBAG VARBLENELK!''
:'''Beast Boy''': I'm a what-bag??
:'''Cyborg''': You heard the lady.
:'''Raven''': You are ''such'' a klorbag.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Beast Boy crawls out as a spider from under a pile of rubble that seemingly fell on top of Starfire. Turns back into normal form]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Star? Starfire? Where are you? ''[climbs down]'' Come on! Gimme a sign here! ''[He starts to dig.]'' You have to be alright, okay? 'Cause I-it was just a joke, you know? Back at the Tower, and...I'm sorry. I never said it, but I'm really, really sorry. It was supposed to be funny. And you could've been hurt, and... ''[softly]'' ...I'm a total klorbag. 
:''[A shadow comes over him. Beast Boy looks over his shoulder]'' 
:'''Beast Boy''': Huh?
:''[It is revealed to Starfire who is standing behind him]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Starfire!
:''[Turns into kitten again and jumps into her arms]''
:'''Starfire''': ''[laughs]'' I am glad you are unharmed as well.
:''[Beast Boy takes normal form again]''
:'''Beast Boy''': I am so sorry. You gotta forgive me.
:'''Starfire''': I already have. Now those evil brothers must be made to apologize.
:'''Beast Boy''': I don't think they ''are'' evil. I think they're just like me.

=== ''The Sum of His Parts'' [1.05] ===
:'''Cyborg''': Mmm-mmm. Would you look at that. A little sunshine, a little breeze. Only one thing could make this day better. Four and a half pounds of baby back ribs! Man, I love picnic food!
:'''Starfire''': Agreed, Cyborg. This tangy yellow beverage is truly delightful.
:'''Cyborg''': Um .. Starfire?
:'''Robin''': That's [[wikipedia:Mustard|mustard]].
:'''Starfire''': Is there more?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Starfire''': Cyborg? Cyborg!
:'''Raven''': What's wrong with him?
:'''Beast Boy''': Is he gonna be okay?
:'''Robin''': Shh. I think he's coming to. Cyborg! Are you all right? ''[He and Starfire pulls him up.]''
:'''Cyborg''': Yeah. ''[Grunts]'' Thanks.
:'''Raven''': What happened?
:'''Cyborg''': Something musta gone wrong with my systems. ''[Checks his power cell.]'' Oh, man! My power cell's dying.
:'''Starfire''': Dying?!?
:'''Cyborg''': It's only a battery. I'm fine. Happens every couple of years. Just a natural part of being unnatural.
:'''Robin''': So what do we do?
:'''Cyborg''': You keep playing. I go home and change batteries. ''[He starts walking away.]''
:'''Beast Boy''': You sure you don't want help?
:'''Cyborg''': Just 'cause I can't have fun doesn't mean y'all can't.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fixit''': Charging is complete. The new power cell is functioning properly.
:'''Cyborg''': Yeah. I'm feeling better. Lots better.
:'''Fixit''': Of course you are. I am Fixit. Things come to me broken. I make repairs. Let me see. Yes...yes...hmm...pity. Interesting. The damage is too extensive. Perhaps if we can find another processor.
:'''Cyborg''': Well, thanks...for everything.
:'''Fixit''': You cannot leave.
:'''Cyborg''': I can't?
:'''Fixit''': You are not repaired, not fully.
:'''Cyborg''': I'm not?
:'''Fixit''': My examination revealed many flaws, serious flaws.
:'''Cyborg''': Serious? How serious? What's wrong with me?
:'''Fixit''': There is no cause for alarm. More repairs are needed. More repairs will be made.
:'''Cyborg''': But, I feel fine. Are you sure I'm-?
:'''Fixit''': Quite. Will you remain? It is for the best.
:'''Cyborg''': Well, yeah, I guess. Let me just tell my friends where I am.
:''[Fix it sabotage his systems as he jammed his communications.]''
:'''Cyborg''': Whoa! Something really is wrong with me.
:'''Fixit''': Rest now. You may contact your friends later. I am sure they are not too concerned.
:'''Cyborg''': Maybe they should be.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fixit''': So... beautiful. I had forgotten how beautiful... a world... through your eyes...
:'''Cyborg''': Through ''human'' eyes.

=== ''Nevermore'' [1.06] ===
:'''Beast Boy''': So, where are we?
:'''Cyborg''': You're asking the wrong robot. My sensors must be on the blank cause they're sayin' we're in Titans Tower.
:'''Beast Boy''': Riiight. So how do we get back?
:'''Cyborg''': Guess we start walking.
:'''Beast Boy''': Come on! I'm serious. We're on a rock in the middle of- ''[He gets cut off by rocks forming a path in front of the two]'' Oh. If sending us to Weirdsville is Raven's idea of a joke, I am ''so'' not laughing.
:'''Cyborg''': Hey, she didn't send us here! You're the one who went snooping in her room and popping zits in her magic mirror!
:'''Beast Boy''': Who booby traps a ''mirror?''
:'''Cyborg''': Maybe it wasn't a trap, maybe its Raven's way home. Maybe this is where she's from.
:'''Beast Boy''': Definitely creepy enough.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[After being narrowly saved from falling nevermore by the ground turning 180 degrees]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Raven?! How did-- Where-- What just-- Why are you wearing ''pink?''
:'''Happy Raven''': 'Cause it's my favorite colour?
:'''Beast Boy''': It ''is?''
:'''Cyborg''': Look, I'd love to talk fashion, but I don't suppose you'd know how to get home?
:'''Happy Raven''': The Forbidden Door. It's the only way out. But you don't wanna go there. Not now.
:'''Beast Boy, Cyborg''': Uh... yeah, we do!
:'''Happy Raven''': Okay, but don't say I didn't warn you!
:''[She leads them to the door, pretending to be an aeroplane. Cyborg and Beast Boy follow her]''
:'''Cyborg''': Have you ever seen her ''this'' happy?
:'''Beast Boy''': Dude, I didn't even think Raven could ''do'' happy.

=== ''Switched'' [1.07] ===
:'''Cyborg''': ''[About the puppets]'' Aww, isn't that cute? Puppet Cy has a light-up eye.
:'''Robin''': Yeah. They got all the details just right.
:'''Beast Boy''': Speak for yourself! I'm way better looking than ''this''. And taller.
:'''Raven''': Someone certainly has a lot of time on their hands.
:'''Starfire''': ''[giggles]'' I have never seen such a whimsical device. ''[voicing puppet Starfire]'' &quot;Hello, Starfire&quot;. ''[normal voice]'' Hello, tiny wooden replica of Starfire!
:'''Beast Boy''': Dude, my puppet is totally kicking your puppet's butt!
:'''Robin''': Not for long. 
:''[his puppet pushes Beast Boy's puppet and it accidentally hits Cyborg's puppet]''
:'''Cyborg''': You wanna piece of me little man?
:'''Robin''': Come on, show me whatcha got, Beast Boy!
:'''Raven''': Boys...
:'''Starfire''': Shall my tiny replica do battle with your tiny replica?
:'''Raven''': ''[tosses her puppet to her]'' Knock yourself out.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Starfire''': ''[voiceover; whispering]'' The boys! Raven, what are we gonna…?
:''[Raven, now in Starfire's body, pulls on a string, turning the light on. She stares at Starfire, who is in her own body]''
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': Starfire?
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Raven?! ''[gasps]'' You're me! ''[gasps again as she looks at herself]'' And I'm you!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Oh, Raven, this is awful! ''Terribly'', ''horribly'' awful!
:''[As Raven climbs out, they walk down a path. Starfire gradually panics as she talks, causing the black telekinesis to bend three parking meters, makes two boxes shoot out sheets of newspaper like geysers, and a mailbox to melt]''
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': Tell me about it.
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Very well. Robin, Cyborg and Beast Boy have been trapped inside tiny wooden bodies, while a nasty creature called the Puppet King has taken control of their real bodies, which he's using to hunt us down, and you and I are in the wrong bodies, and… ''[gasps as Raven puts her hand on her shoulder]''
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': Starfire! You have to calm down. My powers are driven by emotions. The more you feel, the more energy you unleash.
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': But what if they find us? What if our friends are doomed? And what if I'm stuck, looking like this forever?! 
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': We'll fix it. I don't know how, but we'll rescue the boys, and we'll get our bodies back. What's wrong with the way I look?
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Nothing.
:''[As Starfire holds her hands up, a walk sign explodes]''
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': I'll try to calm down. ''[closes her eyes as she sighs, then spreads her arms out]'' Peace, quiet, tranquil…
:''[A blast causes a car to get launched in the air, then crash lands on its roof on the road]''
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': We're so doomed.
:''[An eagle screech from Beast Boy as an eagle. The duo look up as Starfire points]''
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Beast Boy!
:''[He dives in after the girls]''
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': You mean ''zombie'' Beast Boy. &lt;big&gt;'''''Run!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[The girls run in an alley. Still in Starfire's body, Raven flaps her arms and jumps, as if trying to fly]''
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': Fly! Fly!
:''[The girls slow to a walk]''
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': We cannot fight them again. I do not wish to, and in our present condition we would surely be defeated!
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': OK, how do you fly this thing?
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': You must ''feel'' flight. 
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': What? 
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': When you feel the unbridled joy of flight, you will fly!
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': Unbridled joy...Not really my thing. 
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Look!
:''[They spot zombie Beast Boy]''
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': What do I have to feel to use star bolts?
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Righteous fury!
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': Your alien strength?
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Boundless confidence!
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': Never mind.

=== ''Deep Six'' [1.08] ===
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[In reply to Starfire's comment about the marine life]'' If you think ''that's'' cool, wait till you see me out there kicking butt! First, I'm goin' shark. 
:''[He starts snapping his jaws, mimicking a shark. Cyborg presses the 'off' switch controlling Beast Boy's microphone]''
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[Now muffled]'' Hey! What just...is this thing on?! Hey, cut it out!
:'''Cyborg''': ''[Turns it back on]'' Goodness me, I seem to have accidentally switched off Beast Boy's microphone.
:'''Raven''': Could you go ahead and accidentally ''leave'' it off?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[As a squid, chasing the Titans as they sink]'' I got it, I got it! ''[Two whales pass him]'' Huh? ''[The two whales save the Titans]'' ''They'' got it? How come ''they'' got it?
:'''Aqualad''': Because I asked for their help.
:'''Beast Boy''': You talk to fish? Yeah right!
:'''Aqualad''': I'm talking to you, aren't I?
:'''Beast Boy''': Well I, uh... technically I'm a squid.

=== ''Masks'' [1.09] ===
:'''Robin''': Tell Slade if he wants this, he can come get it himself!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Robin''': Now talk! Who's Slade? Why does he want this chip? And why are you working...for...him?
:'''Slade''': Excellent work, Robin.
:'''Robin''': Slade!
:'''Slade''': Really, I think your skills are improving.
:'''Robin''': No more games! What do you want?
:'''Slade''': But you do lack patience. If you're really so curious about my intentions, perhaps we should meet face to face.
:'''Robin''': Tell me where you're hiding and I'll be there in a heartbeat!
:'''Slade''': Patience, Robin. Patience.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Beast Boy''': O.K, all work and no flicks makes me a dull Beast Boy. So my fellow couch potatoes, what'll it be? Super Ninja Showdown 8? Or Maniac Fury: Attack of the Protozoids?
:'''Raven''': ''[Sarcastically]'' Gee. They both sound so good.
:'''Cyborg''': Yeah, it's really hard to pick. Wanna watch 'em both?!
:'''Starfire''': Perhaps Robin would enjoy potatoing the couch with us? Tell me, is he-?
:'''Beast Boy''': -In the exact same place he's been since his little chat session with Slade? Uh, yeah.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Starfire''': Robin? I am wondering if you might wish to-
:'''Robin''': No... thanks. But I need to figure out why Slade wanted that chip.
:'''Starfire''': Agreed; and perhaps if you were to take a break, the answer would be easier to-
:'''Robin''': I can't. You almost got hurt. Next time could be worse. He's planning something; I have to find out what.
:'''Starfire''': But Robin, I am sure that- ''[he closes the door]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Red X''': Rumor has it, you're interested in this.
:'''Slade''': I'm interested in many things, Mr. …
:'''Red X''': X. Red X.
:'''Slade''': Hmmm. Catchy. So, are you proposing a sale or a gift?
:'''Red X''': A partnership. I give you the chip, you cut me in on your plans.
:'''Slade''': Partnership. My, my, we are ambitious. But an alliance cannot be forged from one small chip. If you're going to win my trust, I'll require more.
:'''Red X''': Just tell me what you want.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Impressive, Red X. I tapped into the security cameras to catch your performance. You treated the Titans to quite a show.
:'''Red X''': Glad you enjoyed it. Is the audition over?
:'''Slade''': Patience. Trust is easy to destroy, but it takes time to build. One last test. Prove yourself and we'll meet to discuss your future.
:'''Red X''': Good.
:''[He takes the mask off, revealing himself to be Robin.]''
:'''Robin''': It's about time we met face to face.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Excellent work. Honestly, I couldn't have done better myself.
:'''Red X''': So, do we have a deal?
:'''Slade''': Indeed. You and I are so very much alike. It seems only natural that we should be partners.
:'''Red X''': What are they for? I need to know what we're planning… partner.
:'''Slade''': Patience. You can't expect me to trust you with such sensitive information right away… can you… ''Robin?''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Careful. I wouldn't want you getting hurt.
:'''Robin''': I'm not the one who's going to get hurt. Now hand them over!
:'''Slade''': Robin. I thought we had a deal.
:'''Robin''': Sorry. I have a strict rule against giving stolen technology to psychos.
:'''Slade''': How very noble of you. But stealing in order to trap me? That wasn't so noble. Two wrongs don't make a-
:'''Robin''': Don't ever lecture me! Whatever you're planning, Slade, it's over!
:'''Slade''': On the contrary, Robin, it's just begun.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Robin''': You… ''saved'' me?
:'''Slade''': I'm not through with you.
:''[He hauls Robin back up and tosses him across the rooftop. The brawl starts all over again, until Robin seems to have the upper hand.]''
:'''Robin''': This ends ''now!''
:''[He pulls the man's mask off. It's revealed to be another robot.]''
:'''Slade''': Patience, Robin. We'll meet face to face some other time. Oh, and speaking of time…
:''[The timer is set as the robot was about to self-destruct.]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Heh. At least he didn't get the chips.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Robin''': You want to yell at me, too? Everyone else has, and I don't blame them.
:'''Starfire''': I do not wish to yell, merely to understand. Robin, why did you not tell us the truth?
:'''Robin''': I needed to fool Slade. If you guys knew it was me under that mask, you guys would have held back. Doesn't matter anyway, Slade figured it out, and I haven't figured anything out about him.
:'''Starfire''': That is not true. Whoever Slade is, you and he are... similar. He did not trust you... and you did not trust us.

=== ''Mad Mod'' [1.10] ===
:'''Cyborg''': Make him laugh!
:'''Starfire''': ''[to Beast Boy]'' How many okarins does it take to hogie a morflark? Fimbar! Um... boogers?
:'''Beast Boy''': Hahahahaha! Boogers! Oh, man!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Starfire''': I cannot awaken Beast Boy. I have tried the tickling, all manners of bodily noises, and the word &quot;underpants&quot;. I fear that this time his brain is gone forever.
:'''Raven''': Beast Boy ''had'' a brain?
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[wakes up and laughs]'' Ha ha! Good one! ''[stops]'' Dude, that's not funny! I totally have a brain! I just don't use it much...

=== ''Car Trouble'' [1.11] ===
:'''Cyborg''': You lost my car?... My car lost a race?!
:'''Thief''': No way, we beat him easy. She handled like a dream!
:'''Cyborg''': She did? How'd she take the curves 'cause, Y'know, I've been working on the suspension, and-d-d-d-d- Don't try to distract me! Who has her now?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Raven''': Fourteen milkshakes. Not a good sign.
:'''Cyborg''': What are you doing here?
:'''Raven''': Looking for your car. Soon as we turned Overload in to the police, we all split up to search the city.
:'''Cyborg''': Might as well stop looking. T-Car’s probably halfway to Metropolis by now... from the day I designed her, I knew she was gonna be special. And I work so hard every fuel injector every spark plug. I made her perfect. I put my heart, my soul, and my circuits into this car. And now she's gone forever. Maybe you were right, maybe it was just a car.
:'''Raven''': Maybe. Maybe not. When I use my powers, I have to put a little of my soul into whatever I'm moving. I become a part of it, and it becomes a part of me. That's kinda what happened here. It wasn't just a car. It was… your baby.
:'''Cyborg''': Yeah. Thanks, Rae.
:''[Raven smiles]''
:'''Raven''': And someone's eating onion rings in your baby.
:'''Cyborg''': ''[Sees Gizmo drive off in his car]'' He'll get ketchup on the seats!

=== ''Apprentice'' ===
==== Part 1 [1.12] ====
:'''Slade''': Dangerous behavior, Robin. You must be very eager to see me. I'm flattered.
:'''Robin''': I'm not here to see you. I'm here to stop you.
:'''Slade''': Hmm. But how can you stop me, when you don't even know what I'm planning?
:'''Robin''': Like this.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Excellent, Robin. We appear to be evenly matched and equally ruthless. Not surprising. You and I are so very much alike.
:'''Robin''': I'm ''nothing'' like you! You're a criminal, a psychopath! All you care about is destruction!
:'''Slade''': And all you care about, you ''destroy''. ''[Showing the crumbled rocks that look like the Titans.]''
:'''Robin''': No... who are you?! ''[He rips off Slade's mask, revealing his own face laughing evilly. He wakes up]''
:'''Cyborg''': ''[offscreen]'' It's him. ''[He's behind the door.]'' It's Slade.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': ''[On computer screen]'' Good morning, Teen Titans. I do hope I didn't wake you.
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[Yawning]'' What are you, an insomniac? Who calls at five in the morning-? ''[Raven elbows him]''
:'''Robin''': What do you want?
:'''Slade''': Well, that's precisely what you've been trying to find out, isn't it? And in spite of all your efforts, you're still in the dark about my intentions. Disappointing, Robin. I expected a little more from you.
:'''Robin''': Like I care what you-
:'''Slade''': But since you've been unable to discover my plan, I suppose I'll just have to reveal it myself. I'm sure you're all familiar with the concept of a Chronoton Detonator...
:'''Cyborg''': No!
:'''Starfire''': ''[Gasps]''
:'''Raven''': Uh-oh.
:'''Beast Boy''': No way! ...um, what's a crouton detonator?
:'''Starfire''': It eradicates all chronotons within a localized area, utterly destroying the temporal component of the space-time continuum.
:'''Beast Boy''': Hmm?
:'''Raven''': It stops time. Permanently. 
:''[Beast Boy faints.]''
:'''Cyborg''': If he triggers that thing downtown, it'll freeze-frame the entire city.
:'''Robin''': Tell me where!
:'''Slade''': You're a clever boy, Robin. I'm sure you and your little friends can figure it out. However, since I control the detonation, time is not on your side.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Hurry, young Titans. Your time is running out.
:'''Robin''': ''[appearing behind Slade]'' Actually… we just went into overtime.
:'''Slade''': Robin. Welcome. I've been expecting you for some time. I was beginning to wonder if Cinderblock was too much of a challenge. Looking for this? Well… here it is. If you want it, come and take it.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Come now, Robin. You'll have to do better than that. I haven't even broken a sweat.
:''[As Robin is terminated to win, Slade grabs his hand as his counter move]''
:'''Slade''': Good technique.
:''[Slade bends his arm and throws Robin across the room.]''
:'''Slade''': Good, but not perfect.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': I understand your frustration, Robin. You hate losing as much as I do. One of the many qualities we have in common.
:''[Robin knocks Slade down, he picks up the remote]''
:'''Robin''': It's over, Slade!
:'''Slade''': On the contrary, Robin.
:'''Robin''': Huh?
:''[It breaks apart in his hand.]''
:'''Slade''': This is only the beginning.
:'''Robin''': Where's the real trigger?
:'''Slade''': Trigger? There is no trigger. Because there is no detonator.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Nanoscopic probes. The Chronoton Detonator was merely the bait for a much larger trap. You see, with the push of a button… ''[He shows that his thumb it's on the trigger]'' …my probes will destroy your friends from the inside out.
:'''Robin''': You can't control them. No matter what you threaten, they'll never obey you.
:'''Slade''': This isn't about your friends, Robin. It's about you. It's always been about you.
:'''Robin''': What?
:'''Slade''': Sending trouble your way. Leaving cryptic clues for you to unravel. I was testing you. For some time now, I have been searching for… an apprentice. Someone to follow in my footsteps. And Robin, I've chosen you. Congratulations.
:'''Robin''': No way would I ever work for-
:''[Slade shows Robin the kill switch attempting to use it]''
:'''Slade''': If you join me… if you swear to serve me… if you never speak to your friends again… I will allow them to live. But… if you disobey even the smallest request… I will ''annihilate'' them, Robin - and I will make you ''watch''. So, do we have a deal?

:''[Closing line]''
:'''Slade''': I know it seems bad now. But trust me, you'll learn to like it.

==== Part 2 [1.13] ====
:'''Starfire''': Robin? Robin! Please, Robin, where are you?
:'''Raven''': Starfire, enough. You've been calling for forty-five minutes.
:'''Starfire''': Perhaps if I just try one more-
:'''Beast Boy''': Come on, Star. If he's gonna pick up, he'd have done it by now. Besides, you're kinda giving me a headache.
:'''Starfire''': But why does he not respond? Where could he be?
:'''Cyborg''': Robin and Cinderblock definitely went a few rounds, but I can't tell who won, or where they went.
:'''Raven''': No sign of him here, either. His locator is still offline. I've been monitoring all the frequencies, but he hasn't checked in. 
:'''Starfire''': Oh, we are bad friends! We should never have left Robin to do battle alone.
:'''Beast Boy''': Yeah, especially since Slade's big doodad was a dud.
:'''Raven''': The Chronoton Detonator wasn't a dud. It was a decoy to lure us away from Robin, and we fell for it.
:'''Cyborg''': I shoulda known that thing was a fake!
:'''Starfire''': But why? Why did Slade wish to separate us from Robin?
:'''Beast Boy''': And if the detonator was a decoy…
:'''Raven''': …what was Slade's real plan?
:'''Cyborg''': Titans! Trouble!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Excellent, Robin. I'm pleased. You're already proving to be the perfect apprentice.
:'''Robin''': This deal can't last forever.
:'''Slade''': It can. And it will. The Titans still have no idea that my Chronoton Detonator was more than a decoy. Now that my probes are inside their bodies, they could remain undetected for years, decades. Unless, of course, you disobey me, and I decide to destroy your former friends with a push of the button.
:'''Robin''': Sooner or later, you'll let your guard down. I ''will'' get that controller, and the instant they're out of danger, ''you will pay''.
:'''Slade''': That sounds like a threat, young man. Quite a good threat, actually. Betrayal, destruction, revenge. We really do think alike. I monitored your vital signs during the mission. Elevated heart rate, adrenaline, endorphins. You won't admit it, but at some level, you ''enjoyed'' stealing for me. It was a thrill, wasn't it? You're going to keep stealing, Robin. And you're going to keep getting that thrill. And sooner or later, you will see things my way. Who knows? I might even become like a father to you.
:'''Robin''': I already have a father.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Cyborg''': You're not walking outta here, Robin! Not without a fight. Titans! ''Go!''
:''[As the Titans are ready to fight him, Robin dodges their attacks and escape through the air vents to go to the roof]''
:'''Slade''':''[through earpiece]'' Not so fast, Robin. You have yet to achieve your objective.
:'''Robin''': The device was too heavily guarded. I'll have to steal it another-
:'''Slade''': ''NO!'' Go back. Unless you want me to destroy them, go back and fight.
:'''Cyborg''': Robin! Look, I don't know what's going on, but we don't want to fight.  We just want to talk.
:''[Robin uses a high flying kick that drives Cyborg back past the other three.]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Guess there's nothing to talk about.
:''[Beast Boy tries to take him down, but Robin manages to pin him on the 'A' in Wayne Enterprise sign.]''
:'''Starfire''': Please-
:''[He runs pass her to fight the others instead.]''
:'''Cyborg''': ''[aiming his proton cannon]'' Don't make me…
:''[He powers it down]''
:''[While Raven and Cyborg tries to subdue Robin, Beast Boy escapes the sign letter as a snake and then turns into a bullhorn sheep and rams him]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Dude! Are you okay?
:''[He then kicks BB and hurls him at Cyborg.]''
:'''Slade''': Fight to win, Robin. Use the thermal blaster.
:'''Raven''': Azarath, Metrion, ZINTHOS!
:''[She uses spell lifts up and binds Robin. However, he scales a disc at her and explodes on the sign causing in her face a blinding flash.]''
:'''Raven''': I…can't…see!
:''[Raven falls to the roof]''
:'''Starfire''': No! 
:''[Cyborg is blocking Robin’s punches.]''
:'''Cyborg''': Come on, man, don't make me do this! I don't want to do this!
:''[Activates the weapon again. Robin low foot sweeps him, making Cyborg lose his balance. Robin goes to run off the top of the building, only to be stopped by Starfire raising her starbolt at him.]''
:'''Starfire''': ''Stop!'' Do. Not. Move.
:'''Slade''': I thought I told you to use that blaster. Attack! ''Now!''
:''[Robin raises the weapon and points it on Starfire.]''
:'''Starfire''': Robin, you are my best friend. I cannot be in a world where we must fight. If you are truly evil, then go ahead. ''[She lowers her arm.]'' Do what you must.
:'''Robin''': ''[He lowers his arm as well.]'' Starfire, no! I- ''[the earpiece screeches feedback in his ear]''
:'''Slade''': ''ROBIN!'' I gave you an order. If ''you'' won't attack, my probes ''will''.
:''[He pushes the button. The nano probes slowly begins to kill Starfire]''
:'''Robin''': Starfire!
:''[He sees that it's also happening to the other Titans too.]''
:'''Robin''': ''Stop! Please stop!''
:'''Slade''': Attack, Robin. It's the only way to save them. Attack with everything you've got. 
:'''Starfire''': Robin… 
:'''Robin''': ''[He points the blaster down at her and whispers]'' I’m sorry. ''[He fires.]''
:'''Slade''': That's my boy.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Thrilling. My apprentice is progressing even faster than I had hoped. All he needed was a little motivation.
:'''Robin''': Motivate ''THIS''!
:''[Slade counters and hurls Robin towards the ground.]''
:'''Slade''': Robin. That was vicious, dishonorable, and ruthless. '''Excellent work.''' You're becoming more like me every second.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Good, Robin. You're doing much better than last time. A few more years of training, and you might actually pose a threat.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': You're going to wish you hadn't done that.
:'''Robin''': I only wish I'd done it sooner. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': I have much to teach you. But the first thing you need to learn is gratitude.
:''[Robin tries for another go at the kill switch, but Slade seizes his arm and bends it back past the shoulder before dumping him onto his back.]''
:'''Slade''': I made you my apprentice. All my knowledge, all my power, all for you. But the only thing you care about is your WORTHLESS, LITTLE. '''FRIENDS!!!''' ''[They both get up]'' If the Titans are so distracting, maybe I should just get rid of them.
:'''Robin''': Don't. I'll do whatever you say.
:'''Slade''': Good boy. And, from now on, I'd like you to call me Master.
:''[A starbolt blasts him away to land right in front of the monitors]''
:'''Starfire''': Leave. Him. '''Alone...!'''
:'''Slade''': Robin! ''Attack!''
:'''Robin''': Get out of here! Go! You don't know what those beams did to-
:'''Beast Boy''': Dude…
:'''Raven''': …We know…
:'''Cyborg''': …And we don't ''care''.
:'''Starfire''': We are your ''friends'', Robin. We are ''not'' leaving without you.
:'''Slade''': How very touching. ''[puts his finger on the button]'' But Robin doesn't need any friends.
:''[He presses it, bringing the rapparatus to life; red energy bolts blaze out across the space. The Titans collapse on the ground]''
:'''Slade''': This is the price for your disobedience, Robin. Now do as I command. ''Attack!''
:'''Robin''': No. ''[He dashes off.]''
:'''Slade''': Robin!
:''[Robin runs towards the device and gets himself infected with nano probes. His name and infected bloodstream appear on a 5th monitor]''
:'''Robin''': '''New deal, Slade.''' If I lose my friends, you lose your apprentice. '''And I know how you hate to lose.'''
:''[Robin falls down on his knees as he continues to die slowly. Slade destroys the kill switch and he tries to attack again, but Robin quickly counters his move, leaving him flying across the room.]''
:'''Robin''': Titans! ''Go!''
:''[Beast Boy, now a tiger, is first to do damage with a clawed swipe that pierces the armor. Cyborg and Starfire move in next, starbolts and cannon going full throttle to blast Slade backward. As he tumbles, Raven casts a spell to bind his feet and sling him hard onto the platform. Robin delivers a flying kick on his masked face. The right half of his mask drops away and skids across the floor, and he now stands up with one big hand covering the exposed portion of his visage. He turns and runs off.]''
:'''Slade''': Another day, Robin. ''Another day''.
:''[The whole lair was set to self-destruct. Slade gets away, and before the Titans can leave, Cyborg grabs the device that contains a solution to get rid of the probs inside them.]''
:'''Robin''': Let's go home.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[hooked up to a probe removal machine]'' Am I done yet?
:'''Cyborg''': That's it, y'all. The Teen Titans are officially probe-free.
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[Doing &quot;the robot&quot;]'' YEAH! Go, Beast Boy, you're probeless, no probes now, go Beast Boy, go Beast Boy... get funky! ''[Moonwalks]'' Uh-uh, that's right...
:'''Raven''': Um...I know this isn't my style, but we just kicked Slade's butt. Shouldn't we celebrate or something?
:'''Beast Boy''': Yeah!
:'''Cyborg''': All-you-can-eat…
:'''Beast Boy''': …free-form…
:'''Beast Boy and Cyborg''': Breakfast explosion!
:'''Raven''': Sorry I asked.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Robin''': Everything okay?
:'''Starfire''': I am sorry.
:'''Robin''': ''You're'' sorry? For what?
:'''Starfire''': When things were bad, there was a moment where I truly believed that you were...like Slade. I doubted you. And for that, I am sorry.
:'''Robin''': I doubted myself, Star. Focused, serious, determined...as much as I hate to admit it, he and I are kind of alike. But there's one big difference between me and Slade. ''[Smiles]'' He doesn't have any friends.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Beast Boy''': Who wants tofu waffles?
:'''Cyborg''': Man, nobody wants tofu waffles.
:'''Beast Boy''': I do. Pass me the soy milk.
:'''Cyborg''': I'm telling you, you're not getting anywhere near the soy milk.
:'''Beast Boy''': Man, pass me the soy milk!
:'''Cyborg''': Is there ''meat'' in the tofu?
:'''Beast Boy''': No, there's no meat in tofu, it's ''tofu''!
:'''Cyborg''': Nobody wants it...

==Characters==
===Main===
* [[w:Dick Grayson|Dick Grayson/Robin]]
* [[w:Cyborg (comics)|Victor Stone/Cyborg]]
* [[w:Beast Boy|Garfield Logan/Beast Boy]]
* [[w:Starfire (Teen Titans)|Koriand'r/Starfire]]
* [[w:Raven (DC comics)|Rachel Roth/Raven]]

===Supporting===
* [[w:Deathstroke|Slade]] (6 episodes)
* [[w:Blackfire (DC Comics)|Komand'r/Blackfire]] (debuts in &quot;Sisters&quot;)
* [[w:Garth (comics)|Aqualad]] (debuts in &quot;Deep Six&quot;)
* [[w:Jinx (DC Comics)|Jinx]] (debuts in &quot;Final Exam&quot;)
* [[w:Gizmo (DC Comics)|Gizmo]] (debuts in &quot;Final Exam&quot;)
* [[w:Thunder and Lightning (comics)|Thunder and Lightning]] (debut in &quot;Forces of Nature&quot;)

==External links==
{{wikipedia|Teen Titans (season 1)}}

[[Category:Teen Titans seasons]]
[[Category:Children's television seasons]]</text>
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      <comment>/* Part 1 [1.12] */</comment>
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'''''[[Teen Titans (TV series)|Teen Titans]]''''' Season 1 (2003).

==Episodes 1–13==
=== ''Divide and Conquer'' [1.01] ===
:'''Beast Boy''': You know, Cinderblock, normally, the bad guys break ''out'' of jail.
:'''Robin''': And I can think of five good reasons why you don't want to break in.
:''[Robin leaps across the floor and lands in a crouch.]''
:'''Robin''': One!
:''[Now Starfire swoops and lands.]''
:'''Starfire''': Two!
:''[Beast Boy, as a tiger, lunges in. And when he comes down, he quickly changes into human form.]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Three!
:''[Next, Raven drops in.]''
:'''Raven''': Four!
:''[Finally, Cyborg jumps in.]''
:'''Cyborg''': Five!
:'''Robin''': No matter how you do the math, it all adds up to you going down. So, are you going to go quietly…
:'''Cyborg''': …Or is this gonna get loud? 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Robin''': Want to give this guy the Sonic Boom?
:'''Cyborg''': I got the Sonic if you got the Boom.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Beast Boy''': Jailbreak? I don't see any jailbreak.
:'''Robin''': None of us would have seen one if Cyborg hadn't messed up!
:'''Cyborg''': Me? I messed up nothing! You got in my way!
:'''Robin''': You were too far forward, and Cinderblock got away because of it!
:'''Cyborg''': You saying this is my fault?
:'''Robin''': Want me to say it again?
:'''Starfire''': Stop! No more mean talking!
:'''Beast Boy''': Yeah. If you two are gonna fight, we need time to sell tickets.
:'''Raven''': Cinderblock escaped. No amount of yelling will change that. So stop acting like idiots, and let's go home.
:'''Robin &amp; Cyborg''': Hmph!
:''[They stride away]''
:'''Robin''': Loser.
:'''Cyborg''': Jerk.
:'''Robin &amp; Cyborg''': '''''WHAT'D YOU SAY?!'''''
:'''Robin''': You got a problem, tin man?!
:'''Cyborg''': Yeah! It's four feet tall and smells like cheap hair gel!
:'''Robin''': Well, you're an oversized klutz and your feet smell like motor oil!
:'''Cyborg''': You're bossy, you're rude, you got no taste in music!
:'''Robin''': I don't even know why you're on this team!
:'''Cyborg''': That makes two of us! I '''''QUIT!'''''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Cyborg''': ''[answering machine]'' This is Cyborg. I'm either in the gym, playing GameStation, or kicking bad-guy butt. Leave a message. ''[Beep.]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Come on, Cy, pick up. I know you're there. The phone's built into your arm!
:'''Starfire''': Taste. ''[Starfire puts it into his mouth and he spits it out.]''
:'''Beast Boy''': What is that? Cream of toenails?
:'''Starfire''': Pudding of Sadness. It is what the people of my planet eat when bad things happen. ''[Takes a spoonful herself and then turns to Raven]'' Try. The displeasing taste will ease your troubled mind.
:'''Raven''': My mind is never troubled. People come, people go. It's pointless to be upset about Cyborg.
:''[All the monitors crack; a sudden display of her powers]''
:'''Raven''': What?
:'''Starfire''': Here, Robin. You must need this most of all since… well…
:'''Robin''': I'm fine. Who knows? Maybe we're better off without him.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Cyborg''': I still got the Sonic if you still got the Boom.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Robin &amp; Cyborg''': Teen Titans! Go!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Robin''': Look, uh… sorry about…
:'''Cyborg''': Yeah.
:'''Robin''': So… are we cool?
:'''Cyborg''': Frosty. ''[As they tap fists.]''
:'''Starfire''': You made up! Glorious! I wish to initiate a group hug.
:'''Raven''': Pass.
:'''Beast Boy''': Yeah, yeah, yeah, warm fuzzies all around. But we still gotta stop Cinderblock.
:'''Cyborg''': No, we don't. Thought I'd bring a present, 'case you were still mad.
:''[Cinderblock is wrapped in steel and being hoist up by a crane.]''
:'''Robin''': Thanks. But there is one thing that's still bothering me. Breaking into jail? Using Plasmus to distract us? The whole plan seems to be a little too smart for Cinderblock.
:'''Cyborg''': I've been thinking the same thing.
:'''Robin''': Someone must have been pulling the strings. But who?
:'''Cyborg''': Well, whoever they are… they're no match for the Teen Titans. ''[He and Robin trade a high five.]''
:'''Robin''': I heard that!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Next time, my plans ''will'' succeed. And the Titans ''will'' pay.

=== ''Sisters'' [1.02] ===
:'''Starfire''': ''[Gasps]'' Beautiful, tell me again what they are called?
:'''Robin''': Fireworks.
:'''Starfire''': On my home planet, such explosions would mean the Gordanians were attacking. You are sure certain Earth is not under attack?
:'''Robin''': Positive. Cotton candy? ''[Offers some]''
:'''Starfire''': The last time I ate a ball of cotton, it was white, and it did not taste very-
:'''Robin''': This is different. ''[he pulls off a piece and eats it]''
:'''Starfire''': ''[She eats some]'' Mmmm… ''[Squeal]'' It vanished!
:'''Robin''': ''[Chuckles]'' Yeah, it'll do that.
:'''Starfire''': ''[Sighs]'' When I first came to this planet, I did not think I would ever fit in. Earth was full of strange things. But now, I see that-
:'''Robin''': Here comes the finale! Yes!
:''[In the sky, the display of fireworks are being presented as the finale.]''
:'''Robin''': Whoo-hoo-hoo! Ah, amazing!
:'''Starfire''': Earth is full of amazing things, too.
:'''Robin''': Best planet I've ever been to. ''[a pink squid-like bot flies out of nowhere and grabs Starfire]'' STARFIRE!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Starfire''': Friends! I invite you to join me in the togetherness of a stay-home movie night. I bring you popcorn and non-cotton candies. Tell me, what sort of movie shall we view?
:'''Robin''': Action.
:'''Beast Boy''': Comedy.
:'''Cyborg''': Sci-fi.
:'''Raven''': Horror.
:''[Starfire drops her load of goodies]''
:'''Starfire''': Perhaps a double feature?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Blackfire''': ''[Chuckles]'' Now don't tell me you big tough superheroes are afraid of a little dancing.
:'''Beast Boy''': Betcha Cyborg can do the Robot.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Raven''': This party is pointless.
:'''Goth Boy''': Everything's pointless. Wanna go talk about it?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Starfire''': Perhaps I do not belong here after all.
:'''Robin''': Of course you don't. You belong down there, having fun with the rest of us. What's wrong?
:'''Starfire''': Nothing is wrong. Everything is wonderful. ''[He sits by her.]'' The pounding music and blinding lights are quite enjoyable. Everything is not wonderful. I am happy to see her, but Blackfire rules the video games, and she is able to share very depressing poems, and she knows the cool moves, and she always knows when people are not talking about shovels. ''[sighs.]'' And I am ''nothing'' like her.
:'''Robin''': No, you're not. And I think-
:'''Blackfire''': ''[wearing a bright pink wig]'' How do I look?
:'''Robin''': Pink. Look, can you give us a minute here?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Centauri 2''': By the name of the Grand Centauri Empire, you are all under arrest. ''[pulls out a badge]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Uh, you can't be the good guys. ''We're'' the good guys.
:'''Centauri 2''': And we are Centauri Police.
:'''Centauri 1''': The Tamaranean girl is a liar and a thief! ''[points to Starfire]'' She's committed high crimes throughout the entire Centauri system.
:'''Starfire''': I have never even been to the Centauri Moons.
:'''Robin''': But I know someone who has. 
:''[He takes the necklace off Starfire, showing the gem Blackfire gave her earlier. Starfire gasps.]'' 
:'''Robin''': ''[to the police giving back the necklace]'' You've been chasing the wrong girl. ''[turns to the others]'' Where's Blackfire?
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[sees a dark figure zooming through the sky]'' Uh...
:'''Robin''': Don't worry, Starfire. She won't get away with this!
:'''Starfire''': No, she will ''NOT!''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Starfire''': Hello, sister.
:'''Blackfire''': Aww, you're mad. I know, I should have told you I was leaving, but you know how I hate goodbyes and-
:'''Starfire''': You are a criminal, and you were going to let me take your place in jail!
:'''Blackfire''': Oh… well… yeah.
:'''Starfire''': You will give back what you have stolen and turn yourself over to the police!
:'''Blackfire''': And what will you do if I don't?
:''[Blackfire warms up a starbolt and lets her have it.]''
:'''Blackfire''': I always was the better fighter.
:'''Starfire''': Not anymore!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Robin''': Hey. How are you doing?
:'''Starfire''': I am… sad for my sister.
:'''Robin''': And for yourself?
:'''Starfire''': I am just glad that the truth was discovered before I was replaced.
:'''Robin''': What are you talking about?
:'''Starfire''': Well, you… everyone was having such fun with her, and then Cyborg said-
:'''Robin''': Look. Your sister was... interesting, but she could never take your place. No one could ''ever'' take your place.

=== ''Final Exam'' [1.03] ===
:'''Cyborg''': How could you lose the remote?
:'''Beast Boy''': What makes you so sure I lost it?
:'''Cyborg''': Uh, 'cause you're you.
:'''Beast Boy''': Hey! Just because I lost that video game-
:'''Cyborg''': -and the waffle iron.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Cyborg''': Come on, man, how could you deny me the all-meat experience?
:'''Beast Boy''': Dude, I've ''been'' most of those animals!
:'''Starfire''': I suggest a large pizza with pickles, bananas, and mint frosting.
:'''Robin''': Uh, Starfire, not everything on the menu is a pizza topping.
:'''Starfire''': Oh.
:'''Cyborg''': Double pepperoni!
:'''Beast Boy''': I'm not eating meat!
:'''Cyborg''': There's no meat in pepperoni!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Beast Boy''': Noooo! This is the worst thing that could ever happen! My tunes, they've been... alphabetized. How am l ever gonna find anything?
:'''Raven''': They went in my room. No one should ''ever'' go into my room.    
:'''Starfire''': ''[gasps as she pops up from the kitchen counter]'' Someone has disposed of all our blue furry food!    
:'''Cyborg''': ''[lifts the couch]'' You gotta be kidding me! The whole place gets cleaned and l still can't find the ---    
:''[Robin whistles, and points at the remote, who's in the coffee table.]''
:'''Cyborg''': Ha! ''[sets the couch down. As Robin is switching channels, his teammates sit in the couch]'' l guess we really oughta be training for battles, tracking down clues, and trying to figure out who Slade is, huh?    
:'''Robin''': We will. But right now, l'm just happy to be part of the team.    

=== ''Forces of Nature'' [1.04] ===
''[After Beast Boy accidentally pranks Starfire]''
:'''Starfire''': Is this punishment? I did something wrong?
:'''Raven''': You didn't. ''He'' did.
:'''Beast Boy''': Star, it was... You weren't supposed to... I didn't... Heh, just remember to change that oil every 3,000 miles. Heh heh.
:'''Starfire''': On my planet we have a name for those who do such horrible things! You are a...A ''KLORBAG VARBLENELK!''
:'''Beast Boy''': I'm a what-bag??
:'''Cyborg''': You heard the lady.
:'''Raven''': You are ''such'' a klorbag.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Beast Boy crawls out as a spider from under a pile of rubble that seemingly fell on top of Starfire. Turns back into normal form]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Star? Starfire? Where are you? ''[climbs down]'' Come on! Gimme a sign here! ''[He starts to dig.]'' You have to be alright, okay? 'Cause I-it was just a joke, you know? Back at the Tower, and...I'm sorry. I never said it, but I'm really, really sorry. It was supposed to be funny. And you could've been hurt, and... ''[softly]'' ...I'm a total klorbag. 
:''[A shadow comes over him. Beast Boy looks over his shoulder]'' 
:'''Beast Boy''': Huh?
:''[It is revealed to Starfire who is standing behind him]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Starfire!
:''[Turns into kitten again and jumps into her arms]''
:'''Starfire''': ''[laughs]'' I am glad you are unharmed as well.
:''[Beast Boy takes normal form again]''
:'''Beast Boy''': I am so sorry. You gotta forgive me.
:'''Starfire''': I already have. Now those evil brothers must be made to apologize.
:'''Beast Boy''': I don't think they ''are'' evil. I think they're just like me.

=== ''The Sum of His Parts'' [1.05] ===
:'''Cyborg''': Mmm-mmm. Would you look at that. A little sunshine, a little breeze. Only one thing could make this day better. Four and a half pounds of baby back ribs! Man, I love picnic food!
:'''Starfire''': Agreed, Cyborg. This tangy yellow beverage is truly delightful.
:'''Cyborg''': Um .. Starfire?
:'''Robin''': That's [[wikipedia:Mustard|mustard]].
:'''Starfire''': Is there more?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Starfire''': Cyborg? Cyborg!
:'''Raven''': What's wrong with him?
:'''Beast Boy''': Is he gonna be okay?
:'''Robin''': Shh. I think he's coming to. Cyborg! Are you all right? ''[He and Starfire pulls him up.]''
:'''Cyborg''': Yeah. ''[Grunts]'' Thanks.
:'''Raven''': What happened?
:'''Cyborg''': Something musta gone wrong with my systems. ''[Checks his power cell.]'' Oh, man! My power cell's dying.
:'''Starfire''': Dying?!?
:'''Cyborg''': It's only a battery. I'm fine. Happens every couple of years. Just a natural part of being unnatural.
:'''Robin''': So what do we do?
:'''Cyborg''': You keep playing. I go home and change batteries. ''[He starts walking away.]''
:'''Beast Boy''': You sure you don't want help?
:'''Cyborg''': Just 'cause I can't have fun doesn't mean y'all can't.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fixit''': Charging is complete. The new power cell is functioning properly.
:'''Cyborg''': Yeah. I'm feeling better. Lots better.
:'''Fixit''': Of course you are. I am Fixit. Things come to me broken. I make repairs. Let me see. Yes...yes...hmm...pity. Interesting. The damage is too extensive. Perhaps if we can find another processor.
:'''Cyborg''': Well, thanks...for everything.
:'''Fixit''': You cannot leave.
:'''Cyborg''': I can't?
:'''Fixit''': You are not repaired, not fully.
:'''Cyborg''': I'm not?
:'''Fixit''': My examination revealed many flaws, serious flaws.
:'''Cyborg''': Serious? How serious? What's wrong with me?
:'''Fixit''': There is no cause for alarm. More repairs are needed. More repairs will be made.
:'''Cyborg''': But, I feel fine. Are you sure I'm-?
:'''Fixit''': Quite. Will you remain? It is for the best.
:'''Cyborg''': Well, yeah, I guess. Let me just tell my friends where I am.
:''[Fix it sabotage his systems as he jammed his communications.]''
:'''Cyborg''': Whoa! Something really is wrong with me.
:'''Fixit''': Rest now. You may contact your friends later. I am sure they are not too concerned.
:'''Cyborg''': Maybe they should be.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fixit''': So... beautiful. I had forgotten how beautiful... a world... through your eyes...
:'''Cyborg''': Through ''human'' eyes.

=== ''Nevermore'' [1.06] ===
:'''Beast Boy''': So, where are we?
:'''Cyborg''': You're asking the wrong robot. My sensors must be on the blank cause they're sayin' we're in Titans Tower.
:'''Beast Boy''': Riiight. So how do we get back?
:'''Cyborg''': Guess we start walking.
:'''Beast Boy''': Come on! I'm serious. We're on a rock in the middle of- ''[He gets cut off by rocks forming a path in front of the two]'' Oh. If sending us to Weirdsville is Raven's idea of a joke, I am ''so'' not laughing.
:'''Cyborg''': Hey, she didn't send us here! You're the one who went snooping in her room and popping zits in her magic mirror!
:'''Beast Boy''': Who booby traps a ''mirror?''
:'''Cyborg''': Maybe it wasn't a trap, maybe its Raven's way home. Maybe this is where she's from.
:'''Beast Boy''': Definitely creepy enough.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[After being narrowly saved from falling nevermore by the ground turning 180 degrees]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Raven?! How did-- Where-- What just-- Why are you wearing ''pink?''
:'''Happy Raven''': 'Cause it's my favorite colour?
:'''Beast Boy''': It ''is?''
:'''Cyborg''': Look, I'd love to talk fashion, but I don't suppose you'd know how to get home?
:'''Happy Raven''': The Forbidden Door. It's the only way out. But you don't wanna go there. Not now.
:'''Beast Boy, Cyborg''': Uh... yeah, we do!
:'''Happy Raven''': Okay, but don't say I didn't warn you!
:''[She leads them to the door, pretending to be an aeroplane. Cyborg and Beast Boy follow her]''
:'''Cyborg''': Have you ever seen her ''this'' happy?
:'''Beast Boy''': Dude, I didn't even think Raven could ''do'' happy.

=== ''Switched'' [1.07] ===
:'''Cyborg''': ''[About the puppets]'' Aww, isn't that cute? Puppet Cy has a light-up eye.
:'''Robin''': Yeah. They got all the details just right.
:'''Beast Boy''': Speak for yourself! I'm way better looking than ''this''. And taller.
:'''Raven''': Someone certainly has a lot of time on their hands.
:'''Starfire''': ''[giggles]'' I have never seen such a whimsical device. ''[voicing puppet Starfire]'' &quot;Hello, Starfire&quot;. ''[normal voice]'' Hello, tiny wooden replica of Starfire!
:'''Beast Boy''': Dude, my puppet is totally kicking your puppet's butt!
:'''Robin''': Not for long. 
:''[his puppet pushes Beast Boy's puppet and it accidentally hits Cyborg's puppet]''
:'''Cyborg''': You wanna piece of me little man?
:'''Robin''': Come on, show me whatcha got, Beast Boy!
:'''Raven''': Boys...
:'''Starfire''': Shall my tiny replica do battle with your tiny replica?
:'''Raven''': ''[tosses her puppet to her]'' Knock yourself out.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Starfire''': ''[voiceover; whispering]'' The boys! Raven, what are we gonna…?
:''[Raven, now in Starfire's body, pulls on a string, turning the light on. She stares at Starfire, who is in her own body]''
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': Starfire?
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Raven?! ''[gasps]'' You're me! ''[gasps again as she looks at herself]'' And I'm you!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Oh, Raven, this is awful! ''Terribly'', ''horribly'' awful!
:''[As Raven climbs out, they walk down a path. Starfire gradually panics as she talks, causing the black telekinesis to bend three parking meters, makes two boxes shoot out sheets of newspaper like geysers, and a mailbox to melt]''
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': Tell me about it.
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Very well. Robin, Cyborg and Beast Boy have been trapped inside tiny wooden bodies, while a nasty creature called the Puppet King has taken control of their real bodies, which he's using to hunt us down, and you and I are in the wrong bodies, and… ''[gasps as Raven puts her hand on her shoulder]''
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': Starfire! You have to calm down. My powers are driven by emotions. The more you feel, the more energy you unleash.
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': But what if they find us? What if our friends are doomed? And what if I'm stuck, looking like this forever?! 
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': We'll fix it. I don't know how, but we'll rescue the boys, and we'll get our bodies back. What's wrong with the way I look?
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Nothing.
:''[As Starfire holds her hands up, a walk sign explodes]''
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': I'll try to calm down. ''[closes her eyes as she sighs, then spreads her arms out]'' Peace, quiet, tranquil…
:''[A blast causes a car to get launched in the air, then crash lands on its roof on the road]''
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': We're so doomed.
:''[An eagle screech from Beast Boy as an eagle. The duo look up as Starfire points]''
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Beast Boy!
:''[He dives in after the girls]''
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': You mean ''zombie'' Beast Boy. &lt;big&gt;'''''Run!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[The girls run in an alley. Still in Starfire's body, Raven flaps her arms and jumps, as if trying to fly]''
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': Fly! Fly!
:''[The girls slow to a walk]''
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': We cannot fight them again. I do not wish to, and in our present condition we would surely be defeated!
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': OK, how do you fly this thing?
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': You must ''feel'' flight. 
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': What? 
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': When you feel the unbridled joy of flight, you will fly!
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': Unbridled joy...Not really my thing. 
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Look!
:''[They spot zombie Beast Boy]''
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': What do I have to feel to use star bolts?
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Righteous fury!
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': Your alien strength?
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Boundless confidence!
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': Never mind.

=== ''Deep Six'' [1.08] ===
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[In reply to Starfire's comment about the marine life]'' If you think ''that's'' cool, wait till you see me out there kicking butt! First, I'm goin' shark. 
:''[He starts snapping his jaws, mimicking a shark. Cyborg presses the 'off' switch controlling Beast Boy's microphone]''
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[Now muffled]'' Hey! What just...is this thing on?! Hey, cut it out!
:'''Cyborg''': ''[Turns it back on]'' Goodness me, I seem to have accidentally switched off Beast Boy's microphone.
:'''Raven''': Could you go ahead and accidentally ''leave'' it off?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[As a squid, chasing the Titans as they sink]'' I got it, I got it! ''[Two whales pass him]'' Huh? ''[The two whales save the Titans]'' ''They'' got it? How come ''they'' got it?
:'''Aqualad''': Because I asked for their help.
:'''Beast Boy''': You talk to fish? Yeah right!
:'''Aqualad''': I'm talking to you, aren't I?
:'''Beast Boy''': Well I, uh... technically I'm a squid.

=== ''Masks'' [1.09] ===
:'''Robin''': Tell Slade if he wants this, he can come get it himself!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Robin''': Now talk! Who's Slade? Why does he want this chip? And why are you working...for...him?
:'''Slade''': Excellent work, Robin.
:'''Robin''': Slade!
:'''Slade''': Really, I think your skills are improving.
:'''Robin''': No more games! What do you want?
:'''Slade''': But you do lack patience. If you're really so curious about my intentions, perhaps we should meet face to face.
:'''Robin''': Tell me where you're hiding and I'll be there in a heartbeat!
:'''Slade''': Patience, Robin. Patience.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Beast Boy''': O.K, all work and no flicks makes me a dull Beast Boy. So my fellow couch potatoes, what'll it be? Super Ninja Showdown 8? Or Maniac Fury: Attack of the Protozoids?
:'''Raven''': ''[Sarcastically]'' Gee. They both sound so good.
:'''Cyborg''': Yeah, it's really hard to pick. Wanna watch 'em both?!
:'''Starfire''': Perhaps Robin would enjoy potatoing the couch with us? Tell me, is he-?
:'''Beast Boy''': -In the exact same place he's been since his little chat session with Slade? Uh, yeah.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Starfire''': Robin? I am wondering if you might wish to-
:'''Robin''': No... thanks. But I need to figure out why Slade wanted that chip.
:'''Starfire''': Agreed; and perhaps if you were to take a break, the answer would be easier to-
:'''Robin''': I can't. You almost got hurt. Next time could be worse. He's planning something; I have to find out what.
:'''Starfire''': But Robin, I am sure that- ''[he closes the door]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Red X''': Rumor has it, you're interested in this.
:'''Slade''': I'm interested in many things, Mr. …
:'''Red X''': X. Red X.
:'''Slade''': Hmmm. Catchy. So, are you proposing a sale or a gift?
:'''Red X''': A partnership. I give you the chip, you cut me in on your plans.
:'''Slade''': Partnership. My, my, we are ambitious. But an alliance cannot be forged from one small chip. If you're going to win my trust, I'll require more.
:'''Red X''': Just tell me what you want.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Impressive, Red X. I tapped into the security cameras to catch your performance. You treated the Titans to quite a show.
:'''Red X''': Glad you enjoyed it. Is the audition over?
:'''Slade''': Patience. Trust is easy to destroy, but it takes time to build. One last test. Prove yourself and we'll meet to discuss your future.
:'''Red X''': Good.
:''[He takes the mask off, revealing himself to be Robin.]''
:'''Robin''': It's about time we met face to face.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Excellent work. Honestly, I couldn't have done better myself.
:'''Red X''': So, do we have a deal?
:'''Slade''': Indeed. You and I are so very much alike. It seems only natural that we should be partners.
:'''Red X''': What are they for? I need to know what we're planning… partner.
:'''Slade''': Patience. You can't expect me to trust you with such sensitive information right away… can you… ''Robin?''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Careful. I wouldn't want you getting hurt.
:'''Robin''': I'm not the one who's going to get hurt. Now hand them over!
:'''Slade''': Robin. I thought we had a deal.
:'''Robin''': Sorry. I have a strict rule against giving stolen technology to psychos.
:'''Slade''': How very noble of you. But stealing in order to trap me? That wasn't so noble. Two wrongs don't make a-
:'''Robin''': Don't ever lecture me! Whatever you're planning, Slade, it's over!
:'''Slade''': On the contrary, Robin, it's just begun.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Robin''': You… ''saved'' me?
:'''Slade''': I'm not through with you.
:''[He hauls Robin back up and tosses him across the rooftop. The brawl starts all over again, until Robin seems to have the upper hand.]''
:'''Robin''': This ends ''now!''
:''[He pulls the man's mask off. It's revealed to be another robot.]''
:'''Slade''': Patience, Robin. We'll meet face to face some other time. Oh, and speaking of time…
:''[The timer is set as the robot was about to self-destruct.]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Heh. At least he didn't get the chips.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Robin''': You want to yell at me, too? Everyone else has, and I don't blame them.
:'''Starfire''': I do not wish to yell, merely to understand. Robin, why did you not tell us the truth?
:'''Robin''': I needed to fool Slade. If you guys knew it was me under that mask, you guys would have held back. Doesn't matter anyway, Slade figured it out, and I haven't figured anything out about him.
:'''Starfire''': That is not true. Whoever Slade is, you and he are... similar. He did not trust you... and you did not trust us.

=== ''Mad Mod'' [1.10] ===
:'''Cyborg''': Make him laugh!
:'''Starfire''': ''[to Beast Boy]'' How many okarins does it take to hogie a morflark? Fimbar! Um... boogers?
:'''Beast Boy''': Hahahahaha! Boogers! Oh, man!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Starfire''': I cannot awaken Beast Boy. I have tried the tickling, all manners of bodily noises, and the word &quot;underpants&quot;. I fear that this time his brain is gone forever.
:'''Raven''': Beast Boy ''had'' a brain?
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[wakes up and laughs]'' Ha ha! Good one! ''[stops]'' Dude, that's not funny! I totally have a brain! I just don't use it much...

=== ''Car Trouble'' [1.11] ===
:'''Cyborg''': You lost my car?... My car lost a race?!
:'''Thief''': No way, we beat him easy. She handled like a dream!
:'''Cyborg''': She did? How'd she take the curves 'cause, Y'know, I've been working on the suspension, and-d-d-d-d- Don't try to distract me! Who has her now?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Raven''': Fourteen milkshakes. Not a good sign.
:'''Cyborg''': What are you doing here?
:'''Raven''': Looking for your car. Soon as we turned Overload in to the police, we all split up to search the city.
:'''Cyborg''': Might as well stop looking. T-Car’s probably halfway to Metropolis by now... from the day I designed her, I knew she was gonna be special. And I work so hard every fuel injector every spark plug. I made her perfect. I put my heart, my soul, and my circuits into this car. And now she's gone forever. Maybe you were right, maybe it was just a car.
:'''Raven''': Maybe. Maybe not. When I use my powers, I have to put a little of my soul into whatever I'm moving. I become a part of it, and it becomes a part of me. That's kinda what happened here. It wasn't just a car. It was… your baby.
:'''Cyborg''': Yeah. Thanks, Rae.
:''[Raven smiles]''
:'''Raven''': And someone's eating onion rings in your baby.
:'''Cyborg''': ''[Sees Gizmo drive off in his car]'' He'll get ketchup on the seats!

=== ''Apprentice'' ===
==== Part 1 [1.12] ====
:'''Slade''': Dangerous behavior, Robin. You must be very eager to see me. I'm flattered.
:'''Robin''': I'm not here to see you. I'm here to stop you.
:'''Slade''': NOPE SUCK YOUR A$$ NOW LMFAO.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Excellent, Robin. We appear to be evenly matched and equally ruthless. Not surprising. You and I are so very much alike.
:'''Robin''': I'm ''nothing'' like you! You're a criminal, a psychopath! All you care about is destruction!
:'''Slade''': And all you care about, you ''destroy''. ''[Showing the crumbled rocks that look like the Titans.]''
:'''Robin''': No... who are you?! ''[He rips off Slade's mask, revealing his own face laughing evilly. He wakes up]''
:'''Cyborg''': ''[offscreen]'' It's him. ''[He's behind the door.]'' It's Slade.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': ''[On computer screen]'' Good morning, Teen Titans. I do hope I didn't wake you.
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[Yawning]'' What are you, an insomniac? Who calls at five in the morning-? ''[Raven elbows him]''
:'''Robin''': What do you want?
:'''Slade''': Well, that's precisely what you've been trying to find out, isn't it? And in spite of all your efforts, you're still in the dark about my intentions. Disappointing, Robin. I expected a little more from you.
:'''Robin''': Like I care what you-
:'''Slade''': But since you've been unable to discover my plan, I suppose I'll just have to reveal it myself. I'm sure you're all familiar with the concept of a Chronoton Detonator...
:'''Cyborg''': No!
:'''Starfire''': ''[Gasps]''
:'''Raven''': Uh-oh.
:'''Beast Boy''': No way! ...um, what's a crouton detonator?
:'''Starfire''': It eradicates all chronotons within a localized area, utterly destroying the temporal component of the space-time continuum.
:'''Beast Boy''': Hmm?
:'''Raven''': It stops time. Permanently. 
:''[Beast Boy faints.]''
:'''Cyborg''': If he triggers that thing downtown, it'll freeze-frame the entire city.
:'''Robin''': Tell me where!
:'''Slade''': You're a clever boy, Robin. I'm sure you and your little friends can figure it out. However, since I control the detonation, time is not on your side.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Hurry, young Titans. Your time is running out.
:'''Robin''': ''[appearing behind Slade]'' Actually… we just went into overtime.
:'''Slade''': Robin. Welcome. I've been expecting you for some time. I was beginning to wonder if Cinderblock was too much of a challenge. Looking for this? Well… here it is. If you want it, come and take it.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Come now, Robin. You'll have to do better than that. I haven't even broken a sweat.
:''[As Robin is terminated to win, Slade grabs his hand as his counter move]''
:'''Slade''': Good technique.
:''[Slade bends his arm and throws Robin across the room.]''
:'''Slade''': Good, but not perfect.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': I understand your frustration, Robin. You hate losing as much as I do. One of the many qualities we have in common.
:''[Robin knocks Slade down, he picks up the remote]''
:'''Robin''': It's over, Slade!
:'''Slade''': On the contrary, Robin.
:'''Robin''': Huh?
:''[It breaks apart in his hand.]''
:'''Slade''': This is only the beginning.
:'''Robin''': Where's the real trigger?
:'''Slade''': Trigger? There is no trigger. Because there is no detonator.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Nanoscopic probes. The Chronoton Detonator was merely the bait for a much larger trap. You see, with the push of a button… ''[He shows that his thumb it's on the trigger]'' …my probes will destroy your friends from the inside out.
:'''Robin''': You can't control them. No matter what you threaten, they'll never obey you.
:'''Slade''': This isn't about your friends, Robin. It's about you. It's always been about you.
:'''Robin''': What?
:'''Slade''': Sending trouble your way. Leaving cryptic clues for you to unravel. I was testing you. For some time now, I have been searching for… an apprentice. Someone to follow in my footsteps. And Robin, I've chosen you. Congratulations.
:'''Robin''': No way would I ever work for-
:''[Slade shows Robin the kill switch attempting to use it]''
:'''Slade''': If you join me… if you swear to serve me… if you never speak to your friends again… I will allow them to live. But… if you disobey even the smallest request… I will ''annihilate'' them, Robin - and I will make you ''watch''. So, do we have a deal?

:''[Closing line]''
:'''Slade''': I know it seems bad now. But trust me, you'll learn to like it.

==== Part 2 [1.13] ====
:'''Starfire''': Robin? Robin! Please, Robin, where are you?
:'''Raven''': Starfire, enough. You've been calling for forty-five minutes.
:'''Starfire''': Perhaps if I just try one more-
:'''Beast Boy''': Come on, Star. If he's gonna pick up, he'd have done it by now. Besides, you're kinda giving me a headache.
:'''Starfire''': But why does he not respond? Where could he be?
:'''Cyborg''': Robin and Cinderblock definitely went a few rounds, but I can't tell who won, or where they went.
:'''Raven''': No sign of him here, either. His locator is still offline. I've been monitoring all the frequencies, but he hasn't checked in. 
:'''Starfire''': Oh, we are bad friends! We should never have left Robin to do battle alone.
:'''Beast Boy''': Yeah, especially since Slade's big doodad was a dud.
:'''Raven''': The Chronoton Detonator wasn't a dud. It was a decoy to lure us away from Robin, and we fell for it.
:'''Cyborg''': I shoulda known that thing was a fake!
:'''Starfire''': But why? Why did Slade wish to separate us from Robin?
:'''Beast Boy''': And if the detonator was a decoy…
:'''Raven''': …what was Slade's real plan?
:'''Cyborg''': Titans! Trouble!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Excellent, Robin. I'm pleased. You're already proving to be the perfect apprentice.
:'''Robin''': This deal can't last forever.
:'''Slade''': It can. And it will. The Titans still have no idea that my Chronoton Detonator was more than a decoy. Now that my probes are inside their bodies, they could remain undetected for years, decades. Unless, of course, you disobey me, and I decide to destroy your former friends with a push of the button.
:'''Robin''': Sooner or later, you'll let your guard down. I ''will'' get that controller, and the instant they're out of danger, ''you will pay''.
:'''Slade''': That sounds like a threat, young man. Quite a good threat, actually. Betrayal, destruction, revenge. We really do think alike. I monitored your vital signs during the mission. Elevated heart rate, adrenaline, endorphins. You won't admit it, but at some level, you ''enjoyed'' stealing for me. It was a thrill, wasn't it? You're going to keep stealing, Robin. And you're going to keep getting that thrill. And sooner or later, you will see things my way. Who knows? I might even become like a father to you.
:'''Robin''': I already have a father.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Cyborg''': You're not walking outta here, Robin! Not without a fight. Titans! ''Go!''
:''[As the Titans are ready to fight him, Robin dodges their attacks and escape through the air vents to go to the roof]''
:'''Slade''':''[through earpiece]'' Not so fast, Robin. You have yet to achieve your objective.
:'''Robin''': The device was too heavily guarded. I'll have to steal it another-
:'''Slade''': ''NO!'' Go back. Unless you want me to destroy them, go back and fight.
:'''Cyborg''': Robin! Look, I don't know what's going on, but we don't want to fight.  We just want to talk.
:''[Robin uses a high flying kick that drives Cyborg back past the other three.]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Guess there's nothing to talk about.
:''[Beast Boy tries to take him down, but Robin manages to pin him on the 'A' in Wayne Enterprise sign.]''
:'''Starfire''': Please-
:''[He runs pass her to fight the others instead.]''
:'''Cyborg''': ''[aiming his proton cannon]'' Don't make me…
:''[He powers it down]''
:''[While Raven and Cyborg tries to subdue Robin, Beast Boy escapes the sign letter as a snake and then turns into a bullhorn sheep and rams him]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Dude! Are you okay?
:''[He then kicks BB and hurls him at Cyborg.]''
:'''Slade''': Fight to win, Robin. Use the thermal blaster.
:'''Raven''': Azarath, Metrion, ZINTHOS!
:''[She uses spell lifts up and binds Robin. However, he scales a disc at her and explodes on the sign causing in her face a blinding flash.]''
:'''Raven''': I…can't…see!
:''[Raven falls to the roof]''
:'''Starfire''': No! 
:''[Cyborg is blocking Robin’s punches.]''
:'''Cyborg''': Come on, man, don't make me do this! I don't want to do this!
:''[Activates the weapon again. Robin low foot sweeps him, making Cyborg lose his balance. Robin goes to run off the top of the building, only to be stopped by Starfire raising her starbolt at him.]''
:'''Starfire''': ''Stop!'' Do. Not. Move.
:'''Slade''': I thought I told you to use that blaster. Attack! ''Now!''
:''[Robin raises the weapon and points it on Starfire.]''
:'''Starfire''': Robin, you are my best friend. I cannot be in a world where we must fight. If you are truly evil, then go ahead. ''[She lowers her arm.]'' Do what you must.
:'''Robin''': ''[He lowers his arm as well.]'' Starfire, no! I- ''[the earpiece screeches feedback in his ear]''
:'''Slade''': ''ROBIN!'' I gave you an order. If ''you'' won't attack, my probes ''will''.
:''[He pushes the button. The nano probes slowly begins to kill Starfire]''
:'''Robin''': Starfire!
:''[He sees that it's also happening to the other Titans too.]''
:'''Robin''': ''Stop! Please stop!''
:'''Slade''': Attack, Robin. It's the only way to save them. Attack with everything you've got. 
:'''Starfire''': Robin… 
:'''Robin''': ''[He points the blaster down at her and whispers]'' I’m sorry. ''[He fires.]''
:'''Slade''': That's my boy.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Thrilling. My apprentice is progressing even faster than I had hoped. All he needed was a little motivation.
:'''Robin''': Motivate ''THIS''!
:''[Slade counters and hurls Robin towards the ground.]''
:'''Slade''': Robin. That was vicious, dishonorable, and ruthless. '''Excellent work.''' You're becoming more like me every second.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Good, Robin. You're doing much better than last time. A few more years of training, and you might actually pose a threat.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': You're going to wish you hadn't done that.
:'''Robin''': I only wish I'd done it sooner. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': I have much to teach you. But the first thing you need to learn is gratitude.
:''[Robin tries for another go at the kill switch, but Slade seizes his arm and bends it back past the shoulder before dumping him onto his back.]''
:'''Slade''': I made you my apprentice. All my knowledge, all my power, all for you. But the only thing you care about is your WORTHLESS, LITTLE. '''FRIENDS!!!''' ''[They both get up]'' If the Titans are so distracting, maybe I should just get rid of them.
:'''Robin''': Don't. I'll do whatever you say.
:'''Slade''': Good boy. And, from now on, I'd like you to call me Master.
:''[A starbolt blasts him away to land right in front of the monitors]''
:'''Starfire''': Leave. Him. '''Alone...!'''
:'''Slade''': Robin! ''Attack!''
:'''Robin''': Get out of here! Go! You don't know what those beams did to-
:'''Beast Boy''': Dude…
:'''Raven''': …We know…
:'''Cyborg''': …And we don't ''care''.
:'''Starfire''': We are your ''friends'', Robin. We are ''not'' leaving without you.
:'''Slade''': How very touching. ''[puts his finger on the button]'' But Robin doesn't need any friends.
:''[He presses it, bringing the rapparatus to life; red energy bolts blaze out across the space. The Titans collapse on the ground]''
:'''Slade''': This is the price for your disobedience, Robin. Now do as I command. ''Attack!''
:'''Robin''': No. ''[He dashes off.]''
:'''Slade''': Robin!
:''[Robin runs towards the device and gets himself infected with nano probes. His name and infected bloodstream appear on a 5th monitor]''
:'''Robin''': '''New deal, Slade.''' If I lose my friends, you lose your apprentice. '''And I know how you hate to lose.'''
:''[Robin falls down on his knees as he continues to die slowly. Slade destroys the kill switch and he tries to attack again, but Robin quickly counters his move, leaving him flying across the room.]''
:'''Robin''': Titans! ''Go!''
:''[Beast Boy, now a tiger, is first to do damage with a clawed swipe that pierces the armor. Cyborg and Starfire move in next, starbolts and cannon going full throttle to blast Slade backward. As he tumbles, Raven casts a spell to bind his feet and sling him hard onto the platform. Robin delivers a flying kick on his masked face. The right half of his mask drops away and skids across the floor, and he now stands up with one big hand covering the exposed portion of his visage. He turns and runs off.]''
:'''Slade''': Another day, Robin. ''Another day''.
:''[The whole lair was set to self-destruct. Slade gets away, and before the Titans can leave, Cyborg grabs the device that contains a solution to get rid of the probs inside them.]''
:'''Robin''': Let's go home.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[hooked up to a probe removal machine]'' Am I done yet?
:'''Cyborg''': That's it, y'all. The Teen Titans are officially probe-free.
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[Doing &quot;the robot&quot;]'' YEAH! Go, Beast Boy, you're probeless, no probes now, go Beast Boy, go Beast Boy... get funky! ''[Moonwalks]'' Uh-uh, that's right...
:'''Raven''': Um...I know this isn't my style, but we just kicked Slade's butt. Shouldn't we celebrate or something?
:'''Beast Boy''': Yeah!
:'''Cyborg''': All-you-can-eat…
:'''Beast Boy''': …free-form…
:'''Beast Boy and Cyborg''': Breakfast explosion!
:'''Raven''': Sorry I asked.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Robin''': Everything okay?
:'''Starfire''': I am sorry.
:'''Robin''': ''You're'' sorry? For what?
:'''Starfire''': When things were bad, there was a moment where I truly believed that you were...like Slade. I doubted you. And for that, I am sorry.
:'''Robin''': I doubted myself, Star. Focused, serious, determined...as much as I hate to admit it, he and I are kind of alike. But there's one big difference between me and Slade. ''[Smiles]'' He doesn't have any friends.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Beast Boy''': Who wants tofu waffles?
:'''Cyborg''': Man, nobody wants tofu waffles.
:'''Beast Boy''': I do. Pass me the soy milk.
:'''Cyborg''': I'm telling you, you're not getting anywhere near the soy milk.
:'''Beast Boy''': Man, pass me the soy milk!
:'''Cyborg''': Is there ''meat'' in the tofu?
:'''Beast Boy''': No, there's no meat in tofu, it's ''tofu''!
:'''Cyborg''': Nobody wants it...

==Characters==
===Main===
* [[w:Dick Grayson|Dick Grayson/Robin]]
* [[w:Cyborg (comics)|Victor Stone/Cyborg]]
* [[w:Beast Boy|Garfield Logan/Beast Boy]]
* [[w:Starfire (Teen Titans)|Koriand'r/Starfire]]
* [[w:Raven (DC comics)|Rachel Roth/Raven]]

===Supporting===
* [[w:Deathstroke|Slade]] (6 episodes)
* [[w:Blackfire (DC Comics)|Komand'r/Blackfire]] (debuts in &quot;Sisters&quot;)
* [[w:Garth (comics)|Aqualad]] (debuts in &quot;Deep Six&quot;)
* [[w:Jinx (DC Comics)|Jinx]] (debuts in &quot;Final Exam&quot;)
* [[w:Gizmo (DC Comics)|Gizmo]] (debuts in &quot;Final Exam&quot;)
* [[w:Thunder and Lightning (comics)|Thunder and Lightning]] (debut in &quot;Forces of Nature&quot;)

==External links==
{{wikipedia|Teen Titans (season 1)}}

[[Category:Teen Titans seasons]]
[[Category:Children's television seasons]]</text>
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'''''[[Teen Titans (TV series)|Teen Titans]]''''' Season 1 (2003).

==Episodes 1–13==
=== ''Divide and Conquer'' [1.01] ===
:'''Beast Boy''': You know, Cinderblock, normally, the bad guys break ''out'' of jail.
:'''Robin''': And I can think of five good reasons why you don't want to break in.
:''[Robin leaps across the floor and lands in a crouch.]''
:'''Robin''': One!
:''[Now Starfire swoops and lands.]''
:'''Starfire''': Two!
:''[Beast Boy, as a tiger, lunges in. And when he comes down, he quickly changes into human form.]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Three!
:''[Next, Raven drops in.]''
:'''Raven''': Four!
:''[Finally, Cyborg jumps in.]''
:'''Cyborg''': Five!
:'''Robin''': No matter how you do the math, it all adds up to you going down. So, are you going to go quietly…
:'''Cyborg''': …Or is this gonna get loud? 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Robin''': Want to give this guy the Sonic Boom?
:'''Cyborg''': I got the Sonic if you got the Boom.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Beast Boy''': Jailbreak? I don't see any jailbreak.
:'''Robin''': None of us would have seen one if Cyborg hadn't messed up!
:'''Cyborg''': Me? I messed up nothing! You got in my way!
:'''Robin''': You were too far forward, and Cinderblock got away because of it!
:'''Cyborg''': You saying this is my fault?
:'''Robin''': Want me to say it again?
:'''Starfire''': Stop! No more mean talking!
:'''Beast Boy''': Yeah. If you two are gonna fight, we need time to sell tickets.
:'''Raven''': Cinderblock escaped. No amount of yelling will change that. So stop acting like idiots, and let's go home.
:'''Robin &amp; Cyborg''': Hmph!
:''[They stride away]''
:'''Robin''': Loser.
:'''Cyborg''': Jerk.
:'''Robin &amp; Cyborg''': '''''WHAT'D YOU SAY?!'''''
:'''Robin''': You got a problem, tin man?!
:'''Cyborg''': Yeah! It's four feet tall and smells like cheap hair gel!
:'''Robin''': Well, you're an oversized klutz and your feet smell like motor oil!
:'''Cyborg''': You're bossy, you're rude, you got no taste in music!
:'''Robin''': I don't even know why you're on this team!
:'''Cyborg''': That makes two of us! I '''''QUIT!'''''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Cyborg''': ''[answering machine]'' This is Cyborg. I'm either in the gym, playing GameStation, or kicking bad-guy butt. Leave a message. ''[Beep.]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Come on, Cy, pick up. I know you're there. The phone's built into your arm!
:'''Starfire''': Taste. ''[Starfire puts it into his mouth and he spits it out.]''
:'''Beast Boy''': What is that? Cream of toenails?
:'''Starfire''': Pudding of Sadness. It is what the people of my planet eat when bad things happen. ''[Takes a spoonful herself and then turns to Raven]'' Try. The displeasing taste will ease your troubled mind.
:'''Raven''': My mind is never troubled. People come, people go. It's pointless to be upset about Cyborg.
:''[All the monitors crack; a sudden display of her powers]''
:'''Raven''': What?
:'''Starfire''': Here, Robin. You must need this most of all since… well…
:'''Robin''': I'm fine. Who knows? Maybe we're better off without him.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Cyborg''': I still got the Sonic if you still got the Boom.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Robin &amp; Cyborg''': Teen Titans! Go!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Robin''': Look, uh… sorry about…
:'''Cyborg''': Yeah.
:'''Robin''': So… are we cool?
:'''Cyborg''': Frosty. ''[As they tap fists.]''
:'''Starfire''': You made up! Glorious! I wish to initiate a group hug.
:'''Raven''': Pass.
:'''Beast Boy''': Yeah, yeah, yeah, warm fuzzies all around. But we still gotta stop Cinderblock.
:'''Cyborg''': No, we don't. Thought I'd bring a present, 'case you were still mad.
:''[Cinderblock is wrapped in steel and being hoist up by a crane.]''
:'''Robin''': Thanks. But there is one thing that's still bothering me. Breaking into jail? Using Plasmus to distract us? The whole plan seems to be a little too smart for Cinderblock.
:'''Cyborg''': I've been thinking the same thing.
:'''Robin''': Someone must have been pulling the strings. But who?
:'''Cyborg''': Well, whoever they are… they're no match for the Teen Titans. ''[He and Robin trade a high five.]''
:'''Robin''': I heard that!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Next time, my plans ''will'' succeed. And the Titans ''will'' pay.

=== ''Sisters'' [1.02] ===
:'''Starfire''': ''[Gasps]'' Beautiful, tell me again what they are called?
:'''Robin''': Fireworks.
:'''Starfire''': On my home planet, such explosions would mean the Gordanians were attacking. You are sure certain Earth is not under attack?
:'''Robin''': Positive. Cotton candy? ''[Offers some]''
:'''Starfire''': The last time I ate a ball of cotton, it was white, and it did not taste very-
:'''Robin''': This is different. ''[he pulls off a piece and eats it]''
:'''Starfire''': ''[She eats some]'' Mmmm… ''[Squeal]'' It vanished!
:'''Robin''': ''[Chuckles]'' Yeah, it'll do that.
:'''Starfire''': ''[Sighs]'' When I first came to this planet, I did not think I would ever fit in. Earth was full of strange things. But now, I see that-
:'''Robin''': Here comes the finale! Yes!
:''[In the sky, the display of fireworks are being presented as the finale.]''
:'''Robin''': Whoo-hoo-hoo! Ah, amazing!
:'''Starfire''': Earth is full of amazing things, too.
:'''Robin''': Best planet I've ever been to. ''[a pink squid-like bot flies out of nowhere and grabs Starfire]'' STARFIRE!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Starfire''': Friends! I invite you to join me in the togetherness of a stay-home movie night. I bring you popcorn and non-cotton candies. Tell me, what sort of movie shall we view?
:'''Robin''': Action.
:'''Beast Boy''': Comedy.
:'''Cyborg''': Sci-fi.
:'''Raven''': Horror.
:''[Starfire drops her load of goodies]''
:'''Starfire''': Perhaps a double feature?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Blackfire''': ''[Chuckles]'' Now don't tell me you big tough superheroes are afraid of a little dancing.
:'''Beast Boy''': Betcha Cyborg can do the Robot.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Raven''': This party is pointless.
:'''Goth Boy''': Everything's pointless. Wanna go talk about it?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Starfire''': Perhaps I do not belong here after all.
:'''Robin''': Of course you don't. You belong down there, having fun with the rest of us. What's wrong?
:'''Starfire''': Nothing is wrong. Everything is wonderful. ''[He sits by her.]'' The pounding music and blinding lights are quite enjoyable. Everything is not wonderful. I am happy to see her, but Blackfire rules the video games, and she is able to share very depressing poems, and she knows the cool moves, and she always knows when people are not talking about shovels. ''[sighs.]'' And I am ''nothing'' like her.
:'''Robin''': No, you're not. And I think-
:'''Blackfire''': ''[wearing a bright pink wig]'' How do I look?
:'''Robin''': Pink. Look, can you give us a minute here?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Centauri 2''': By the name of the Grand Centauri Empire, you are all under arrest. ''[pulls out a badge]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Uh, you can't be the good guys. ''We're'' the good guys.
:'''Centauri 2''': And we are Centauri Police.
:'''Centauri 1''': The Tamaranean girl is a liar and a thief! ''[points to Starfire]'' She's committed high crimes throughout the entire Centauri system.
:'''Starfire''': I have never even been to the Centauri Moons.
:'''Robin''': But I know someone who has. 
:''[He takes the necklace off Starfire, showing the gem Blackfire gave her earlier. Starfire gasps.]'' 
:'''Robin''': ''[to the police giving back the necklace]'' You've been chasing the wrong girl. ''[turns to the others]'' Where's Blackfire?
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[sees a dark figure zooming through the sky]'' Uh...
:'''Robin''': Don't worry, Starfire. She won't get away with this!
:'''Starfire''': No, she will ''NOT!''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Starfire''': Hello, sister.
:'''Blackfire''': Aww, you're mad. I know, I should have told you I was leaving, but you know how I hate goodbyes and-
:'''Starfire''': You are a criminal, and you were going to let me take your place in jail!
:'''Blackfire''': Oh… well… yeah.
:'''Starfire''': You will give back what you have stolen and turn yourself over to the police!
:'''Blackfire''': And what will you do if I don't?
:''[Blackfire warms up a starbolt and lets her have it.]''
:'''Blackfire''': I always was the better fighter.
:'''Starfire''': Not anymore!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Robin''': Hey. How are you doing?
:'''Starfire''': I am… sad for my sister.
:'''Robin''': And for yourself?
:'''Starfire''': I am just glad that the truth was discovered before I was replaced.
:'''Robin''': What are you talking about?
:'''Starfire''': Well, you… everyone was having such fun with her, and then Cyborg said-
:'''Robin''': Look. Your sister was... interesting, but she could never take your place. No one could ''ever'' take your place.

=== ''Final Exam'' [1.03] ===
:'''Cyborg''': How could you lose the remote?
:'''Beast Boy''': What makes you so sure I lost it?
:'''Cyborg''': Uh, 'cause you're you.
:'''Beast Boy''': Hey! Just because I lost that video game-
:'''Cyborg''': -and the waffle iron.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Cyborg''': Come on, man, how could you deny me the all-meat experience?
:'''Beast Boy''': Dude, I've ''been'' most of those animals!
:'''Starfire''': I suggest a large pizza with pickles, bananas, and mint frosting.
:'''Robin''': Uh, Starfire, not everything on the menu is a pizza topping.
:'''Starfire''': Oh.
:'''Cyborg''': Double pepperoni!
:'''Beast Boy''': I'm not eating meat!
:'''Cyborg''': There's no meat in pepperoni!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Beast Boy''': Noooo! This is the worst thing that could ever happen! My tunes, they've been... alphabetized. How am l ever gonna find anything?
:'''Raven''': They went in my room. No one should ''ever'' go into my room.    
:'''Starfire''': ''[gasps as she pops up from the kitchen counter]'' Someone has disposed of all our blue furry food!    
:'''Cyborg''': ''[lifts the couch]'' You gotta be kidding me! The whole place gets cleaned and l still can't find the ---    
:''[Robin whistles, and points at the remote, who's in the coffee table.]''
:'''Cyborg''': Ha! ''[sets the couch down. As Robin is switching channels, his teammates sit in the couch]'' l guess we really oughta be training for battles, tracking down clues, and trying to figure out who Slade is, huh?    
:'''Robin''': We will. But right now, l'm just happy to be part of the team.    

=== ''Forces of Nature'' [1.04] ===
''[After Beast Boy accidentally pranks Starfire]''
:'''Starfire''': Is this punishment? I did something wrong?
:'''Raven''': You didn't. ''He'' did.
:'''Beast Boy''': Star, it was... You weren't supposed to... I didn't... Heh, just remember to change that oil every 3,000 miles. Heh heh.
:'''Starfire''': On my planet we have a name for those who do such horrible things! You are a...A ''KLORBAG VARBLENELK!''
:'''Beast Boy''': I'm a what-bag??
:'''Cyborg''': You heard the lady.
:'''Raven''': You are ''such'' a klorbag.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Beast Boy crawls out as a spider from under a pile of rubble that seemingly fell on top of Starfire. Turns back into normal form]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Star? Starfire? Where are you? ''[climbs down]'' Come on! Gimme a sign here! ''[He starts to dig.]'' You have to be alright, okay? 'Cause I-it was just a joke, you know? Back at the Tower, and...I'm sorry. I never said it, but I'm really, really sorry. It was supposed to be funny. And you could've been hurt, and... ''[softly]'' ...I'm a total klorbag. 
:''[A shadow comes over him. Beast Boy looks over his shoulder]'' 
:'''Beast Boy''': Huh?
:''[It is revealed to Starfire who is standing behind him]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Starfire!
:''[Turns into kitten again and jumps into her arms]''
:'''Starfire''': ''[laughs]'' I am glad you are unharmed as well.
:''[Beast Boy takes normal form again]''
:'''Beast Boy''': I am so sorry. You gotta forgive me.
:'''Starfire''': I already have. Now those evil brothers must be made to apologize.
:'''Beast Boy''': I don't think they ''are'' evil. I think they're just like me.

=== ''The Sum of His Parts'' [1.05] ===
:'''Cyborg''': Mmm-mmm. Would you look at that. A little sunshine, a little breeze. Only one thing could make this day better. Four and a half pounds of baby back ribs! Man, I love picnic food!
:'''Starfire''': Agreed, Cyborg. This tangy yellow beverage is truly delightful.
:'''Cyborg''': Um .. Starfire?
:'''Robin''': That's [[wikipedia:Mustard|mustard]].
:'''Starfire''': Is there more?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Starfire''': Cyborg? Cyborg!
:'''Raven''': What's wrong with him?
:'''Beast Boy''': Is he gonna be okay?
:'''Robin''': Shh. I think he's coming to. Cyborg! Are you all right? ''[He and Starfire pulls him up.]''
:'''Cyborg''': Yeah. ''[Grunts]'' Thanks.
:'''Raven''': What happened?
:'''Cyborg''': Something musta gone wrong with my systems. ''[Checks his power cell.]'' Oh, man! My power cell's dying.
:'''Starfire''': Dying?!?
:'''Cyborg''': It's only a battery. I'm fine. Happens every couple of years. Just a natural part of being unnatural.
:'''Robin''': So what do we do?
:'''Cyborg''': You keep playing. I go home and change batteries. ''[He starts walking away.]''
:'''Beast Boy''': You sure you don't want help?
:'''Cyborg''': Just 'cause I can't have fun doesn't mean y'all can't.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fixit''': Charging is complete. The new power cell is functioning properly.
:'''Cyborg''': Yeah. I'm feeling better. Lots better.
:'''Fixit''': Of course you are. I am Fixit. Things come to me broken. I make repairs. Let me see. Yes...yes...hmm...pity. Interesting. The damage is too extensive. Perhaps if we can find another processor.
:'''Cyborg''': Well, thanks...for everything.
:'''Fixit''': You cannot leave.
:'''Cyborg''': I can't?
:'''Fixit''': You are not repaired, not fully.
:'''Cyborg''': I'm not?
:'''Fixit''': My examination revealed many flaws, serious flaws.
:'''Cyborg''': Serious? How serious? What's wrong with me?
:'''Fixit''': There is no cause for alarm. More repairs are needed. More repairs will be made.
:'''Cyborg''': But, I feel fine. Are you sure I'm-?
:'''Fixit''': Quite. Will you remain? It is for the best.
:'''Cyborg''': Well, yeah, I guess. Let me just tell my friends where I am.
:''[Fix it sabotage his systems as he jammed his communications.]''
:'''Cyborg''': Whoa! Something really is wrong with me.
:'''Fixit''': Rest now. You may contact your friends later. I am sure they are not too concerned.
:'''Cyborg''': Maybe they should be.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fixit''': So... beautiful. I had forgotten how beautiful... a world... through your eyes...
:'''Cyborg''': Through ''human'' eyes.

=== ''Nevermore'' [1.06] ===
:'''Beast Boy''': So, where are we?
:'''Cyborg''': You're asking the wrong robot. My sensors must be on the blank cause they're sayin' we're in Titans Tower.
:'''Beast Boy''': Riiight. So how do we get back?
:'''Cyborg''': Guess we start walking.
:'''Beast Boy''': Come on! I'm serious. We're on a rock in the middle of- ''[He gets cut off by rocks forming a path in front of the two]'' Oh. If sending us to Weirdsville is Raven's idea of a joke, I am ''so'' not laughing.
:'''Cyborg''': Hey, she didn't send us here! You're the one who went snooping in her room and popping zits in her magic mirror!
:'''Beast Boy''': Who booby traps a ''mirror?''
:'''Cyborg''': Maybe it wasn't a trap, maybe its Raven's way home. Maybe this is where she's from.
:'''Beast Boy''': Definitely creepy enough.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[After being narrowly saved from falling nevermore by the ground turning 180 degrees]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Raven?! How did-- Where-- What just-- Why are you wearing ''pink?''
:'''Happy Raven''': 'Cause it's my favorite colour?
:'''Beast Boy''': It ''is?''
:'''Cyborg''': Look, I'd love to talk fashion, but I don't suppose you'd know how to get home?
:'''Happy Raven''': The Forbidden Door. It's the only way out. But you don't wanna go there. Not now.
:'''Beast Boy, Cyborg''': Uh... yeah, we do!
:'''Happy Raven''': Okay, but don't say I didn't warn you!
:''[She leads them to the door, pretending to be an aeroplane. Cyborg and Beast Boy follow her]''
:'''Cyborg''': Have you ever seen her ''this'' happy?
:'''Beast Boy''': Dude, I didn't even think Raven could ''do'' happy.

=== ''Switched'' [1.07] ===
:'''Cyborg''': ''[About the puppets]'' Aww, isn't that cute? Puppet Cy has a light-up eye.
:'''Robin''': Yeah. They got all the details just right.
:'''Beast Boy''': Speak for yourself! I'm way better looking than ''this''. And taller.
:'''Raven''': Someone certainly has a lot of time on their hands.
:'''Starfire''': ''[giggles]'' I have never seen such a whimsical device. ''[voicing puppet Starfire]'' &quot;Hello, Starfire&quot;. ''[normal voice]'' Hello, tiny wooden replica of Starfire!
:'''Beast Boy''': Dude, my puppet is totally kicking your puppet's butt!
:'''Robin''': Not for long. 
:''[his puppet pushes Beast Boy's puppet and it accidentally hits Cyborg's puppet]''
:'''Cyborg''': You wanna piece of me little man?
:'''Robin''': Come on, show me whatcha got, Beast Boy!
:'''Raven''': Boys...
:'''Starfire''': Shall my tiny replica do battle with your tiny replica?
:'''Raven''': ''[tosses her puppet to her]'' Knock yourself out.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Starfire''': ''[voiceover; whispering]'' The boys! Raven, what are we gonna…?
:''[Raven, now in Starfire's body, pulls on a string, turning the light on. She stares at Starfire, who is in her own body]''
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': Starfire?
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Raven?! ''[gasps]'' You're me! ''[gasps again as she looks at herself]'' And I'm you!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Oh, Raven, this is awful! ''Terribly'', ''horribly'' awful!
:''[As Raven climbs out, they walk down a path. Starfire gradually panics as she talks, causing the black telekinesis to bend three parking meters, makes two boxes shoot out sheets of newspaper like geysers, and a mailbox to melt]''
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': Tell me about it.
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Very well. Robin, Cyborg and Beast Boy have been trapped inside tiny wooden bodies, while a nasty creature called the Puppet King has taken control of their real bodies, which he's using to hunt us down, and you and I are in the wrong bodies, and… ''[gasps as Raven puts her hand on her shoulder]''
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': Starfire! You have to calm down. My powers are driven by emotions. The more you feel, the more energy you unleash.
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': But what if they find us? What if our friends are doomed? And what if I'm stuck, looking like this forever?! 
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': We'll fix it. I don't know how, but we'll rescue the boys, and we'll get our bodies back. What's wrong with the way I look?
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Nothing.
:''[As Starfire holds her hands up, a walk sign explodes]''
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': I'll try to calm down. ''[closes her eyes as she sighs, then spreads her arms out]'' Peace, quiet, tranquil…
:''[A blast causes a car to get launched in the air, then crash lands on its roof on the road]''
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': We're so doomed.
:''[An eagle screech from Beast Boy as an eagle. The duo look up as Starfire points]''
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Beast Boy!
:''[He dives in after the girls]''
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': You mean ''zombie'' Beast Boy. &lt;big&gt;'''''Run!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[The girls run in an alley. Still in Starfire's body, Raven flaps her arms and jumps, as if trying to fly]''
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': Fly! Fly!
:''[The girls slow to a walk]''
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': We cannot fight them again. I do not wish to, and in our present condition we would surely be defeated!
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': OK, how do you fly this thing?
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': You must ''feel'' flight. 
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': What? 
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': When you feel the unbridled joy of flight, you will fly!
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': Unbridled joy...Not really my thing. 
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Look!
:''[They spot zombie Beast Boy]''
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': What do I have to feel to use star bolts?
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Righteous fury!
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': Your alien strength?
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Boundless confidence!
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': Never mind.

=== ''Deep Six'' [1.08] ===
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[In reply to Starfire's comment about the marine life]'' If you think ''that's'' cool, wait till you see me out there kicking butt! First, I'm goin' shark. 
:''[He starts snapping his jaws, mimicking a shark. Cyborg presses the 'off' switch controlling Beast Boy's microphone]''
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[Now muffled]'' Hey! What just...is this thing on?! Hey, cut it out!
:'''Cyborg''': ''[Turns it back on]'' Goodness me, I seem to have accidentally switched off Beast Boy's microphone.
:'''Raven''': Could you go ahead and accidentally ''leave'' it off?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[As a squid, chasing the Titans as they sink]'' I got it, I got it! ''[Two whales pass him]'' Huh? ''[The two whales save the Titans]'' ''They'' got it? How come ''they'' got it?
:'''Aqualad''': Because I asked for their help.
:'''Beast Boy''': You talk to fish? Yeah right!
:'''Aqualad''': I'm talking to you, aren't I?
:'''Beast Boy''': Well I, uh... technically I'm a squid.

=== ''Masks'' [1.09] ===
:'''Robin''': Tell Slade if he wants this, he can come get it himself!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Robin''': Now talk! Who's Slade? Why does he want this chip? And why are you working...for...him?
:'''Slade''': Excellent work, Robin.
:'''Robin''': Slade!
:'''Slade''': Really, I think your skills are improving.
:'''Robin''': No more games! What do you want?
:'''Slade''': But you do lack patience. If you're really so curious about my intentions, perhaps we should meet face to face.
:'''Robin''': Tell me where you're hiding and I'll be there in a heartbeat!
:'''Slade''': Patience, Robin. Patience.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Beast Boy''': O.K, all work and no flicks makes me a dull Beast Boy. So my fellow couch potatoes, what'll it be? Super Ninja Showdown 8? Or Maniac Fury: Attack of the Protozoids?
:'''Raven''': ''[Sarcastically]'' Gee. They both sound so good.
:'''Cyborg''': Yeah, it's really hard to pick. Wanna watch 'em both?!
:'''Starfire''': Perhaps Robin would enjoy potatoing the couch with us? Tell me, is he-?
:'''Beast Boy''': -In the exact same place he's been since his little chat session with Slade? Uh, yeah.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Starfire''': Robin? I am wondering if you might wish to-
:'''Robin''': No... thanks. But I need to figure out why Slade wanted that chip.
:'''Starfire''': Agreed; and perhaps if you were to take a break, the answer would be easier to-
:'''Robin''': I can't. You almost got hurt. Next time could be worse. He's planning something; I have to find out what.
:'''Starfire''': But Robin, I am sure that- ''[he closes the door]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Red X''': Rumor has it, you're interested in this.
:'''Slade''': I'm interested in many things, Mr. …
:'''Red X''': X. Red X.
:'''Slade''': Hmmm. Catchy. So, are you proposing a sale or a gift?
:'''Red X''': A partnership. I give you the chip, you cut me in on your plans.
:'''Slade''': Partnership. My, my, we are ambitious. But an alliance cannot be forged from one small chip. If you're going to win my trust, I'll require more.
:'''Red X''': Just tell me what you want.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Impressive, Red X. I tapped into the security cameras to catch your performance. You treated the Titans to quite a show.
:'''Red X''': Glad you enjoyed it. Is the audition over?
:'''Slade''': Patience. Trust is easy to destroy, but it takes time to build. One last test. Prove yourself and we'll meet to discuss your future.
:'''Red X''': Good.
:''[He takes the mask off, revealing himself to be Robin.]''
:'''Robin''': It's about time we met face to face.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Excellent work. Honestly, I couldn't have done better myself.
:'''Red X''': So, do we have a deal?
:'''Slade''': Indeed. You and I are so very much alike. It seems only natural that we should be partners.
:'''Red X''': What are they for? I need to know what we're planning… partner.
:'''Slade''': Patience. You can't expect me to trust you with such sensitive information right away… can you… ''Robin?''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Careful. I wouldn't want you getting hurt.
:'''Robin''': I'm not the one who's going to get hurt. Now hand them over!
:'''Slade''': Robin. I thought we had a deal.
:'''Robin''': Sorry. I have a strict rule against giving stolen technology to psychos.
:'''Slade''': How very noble of you. But stealing in order to trap me? That wasn't so noble. Two wrongs don't make a-
:'''Robin''': Don't ever lecture me! Whatever you're planning, Slade, it's over!
:'''Slade''': On the contrary, Robin, it's just begun.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Robin''': You… ''saved'' me?
:'''Slade''': I'm not through with you.
:''[He hauls Robin back up and tosses him across the rooftop. The brawl starts all over again, until Robin seems to have the upper hand.]''
:'''Robin''': This ends ''now!''
:''[He pulls the man's mask off. It's revealed to be another robot.]''
:'''Slade''': Patience, Robin. We'll meet face to face some other time. Oh, and speaking of time…
:''[The timer is set as the robot was about to self-destruct.]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Heh. At least he didn't get the chips.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Robin''': You want to yell at me, too? Everyone else has, and I don't blame them.
:'''Starfire''': I do not wish to yell, merely to understand. Robin, why did you not tell us the truth?
:'''Robin''': I needed to fool Slade. If you guys knew it was me under that mask, you guys would have held back. Doesn't matter anyway, Slade figured it out, and I haven't figured anything out about him.
:'''Starfire''': That is not true. Whoever Slade is, you and he are... similar. He did not trust you... and you did not trust us.

=== ''Mad Mod'' [1.10] ===
:'''Cyborg''': Make him laugh!
:'''Starfire''': ''[to Beast Boy]'' How many okarins does it take to hogie a morflark? Fimbar! Um... boogers?
:'''Beast Boy''': Hahahahaha! Boogers! Oh, man!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Starfire''': I cannot awaken Beast Boy. I have tried the tickling, all manners of bodily noises, and the word &quot;underpants&quot;. I fear that this time his brain is gone forever.
:'''Raven''': Beast Boy ''had'' a brain?
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[wakes up and laughs]'' Ha ha! Good one! ''[stops]'' Dude, that's not funny! I totally have a brain! I just don't use it much...

=== ''Car Trouble'' [1.11] ===
:'''Cyborg''': You lost my car?... My car lost a race?!
:'''Thief''': No way, we beat him easy. She handled like a dream!
:'''Cyborg''': She did? How'd she take the curves 'cause, Y'know, I've been working on the suspension, and-d-d-d-d- Don't try to distract me! Who has her now?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Raven''': Fourteen milkshakes. Not a good sign.
:'''Cyborg''': What are you doing here?
:'''Raven''': Looking for your car. Soon as we turned Overload in to the police, we all split up to search the city.
:'''Cyborg''': Might as well stop looking. T-Car’s probably halfway to Metropolis by now... from the day I designed her, I knew she was gonna be special. And I work so hard every fuel injector every spark plug. I made her perfect. I put my heart, my soul, and my circuits into this car. And now she's gone forever. Maybe you were right, maybe it was just a car.
:'''Raven''': Maybe. Maybe not. When I use my powers, I have to put a little of my soul into whatever I'm moving. I become a part of it, and it becomes a part of me. That's kinda what happened here. It wasn't just a car. It was… your baby.
:'''Cyborg''': Yeah. Thanks, Rae.
:''[Raven smiles]''
:'''Raven''': And someone's eating onion rings in your baby.
:'''Cyborg''': ''[Sees Gizmo drive off in his car]'' He'll get ketchup on the seats!

=== ''Apprentice'' ===
==== Part 1 [1.12] ====
:'''Slade''': Dangerous behavior, Robin. You must be very eager to see me. I'm flattered.
:'''Robin''': I'm not here to see you. I'm here to stop you.
:'''Slade''': Hmm. But how can you stop me, when you don't even know what I'm planning?
:'''Robin''': Like this.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Excellent, Robin. We appear to be evenly matched and equally ruthless. Not surprising. You and I are so very much alike.
:'''Robin''': I'm ''nothing'' like you! You're a criminal, a psychopath! All you care about is destruction!
:'''Slade''': And all you care about, you ''destroy''. ''[Showing the crumbled rocks that look like the Titans.]''
:'''Robin''': No... who are you?! ''[He rips off Slade's mask, revealing his own face laughing evilly. He wakes up]''
:'''Cyborg''': ''[offscreen]'' It's him. ''[He's behind the door.]'' It's Slade.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': ''[On computer screen]'' Good morning, Teen Titans. I do hope I didn't wake you.
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[Yawning]'' What are you, an insomniac? Who calls at five in the morning-? ''[Raven elbows him]''
:'''Robin''': What do you want?
:'''Slade''': Well, that's precisely what you've been trying to find out, isn't it? And in spite of all your efforts, you're still in the dark about my intentions. Disappointing, Robin. I expected a little more from you.
:'''Robin''': Like I care what you-
:'''Slade''': But since you've been unable to discover my plan, I suppose I'll just have to reveal it myself. I'm sure you're all familiar with the concept of a Chronoton Detonator...
:'''Cyborg''': No!
:'''Starfire''': ''[Gasps]''
:'''Raven''': Uh-oh.
:'''Beast Boy''': No way! ...um, what's a crouton detonator?
:'''Starfire''': It eradicates all chronotons within a localized area, utterly destroying the temporal component of the space-time continuum.
:'''Beast Boy''': Hmm?
:'''Raven''': It stops time. Permanently. 
:''[Beast Boy faints.]''
:'''Cyborg''': If he triggers that thing downtown, it'll freeze-frame the entire city.
:'''Robin''': Tell me where!
:'''Slade''': You're a clever boy, Robin. I'm sure you and your little friends can figure it out. However, since I control the detonation, time is not on your side.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Hurry, young Titans. Your time is running out.
:'''Robin''': ''[appearing behind Slade]'' Actually… we just went into overtime.
:'''Slade''': Robin. Welcome. I've been expecting you for some time. I was beginning to wonder if Cinderblock was too much of a challenge. Looking for this? Well… here it is. If you want it, come and take it.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Come now, Robin. You'll have to do better than that. I haven't even broken a sweat.
:''[As Robin is terminated to win, Slade grabs his hand as his counter move]''
:'''Slade''': Good technique.
:''[Slade bends his arm and throws Robin across the room.]''
:'''Slade''': Good, but not perfect.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': I understand your frustration, Robin. You hate losing as much as I do. One of the many qualities we have in common.
:''[Robin knocks Slade down, he picks up the remote]''
:'''Robin''': It's over, Slade!
:'''Slade''': On the contrary, Robin.
:'''Robin''': Huh?
:''[It breaks apart in his hand.]''
:'''Slade''': This is only the beginning.
:'''Robin''': Where's the real trigger?
:'''Slade''': Trigger? There is no trigger. Because there is no detonator.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Nanoscopic probes. The Chronoton Detonator was merely the bait for a much larger trap. You see, with the push of a button… ''[He shows that his thumb it's on the trigger]'' …my probes will destroy your friends from the inside out.
:'''Robin''': You can't control them. No matter what you threaten, they'll never obey you.
:'''Slade''': This isn't about your friends, Robin. It's about you. It's always been about you.
:'''Robin''': What?
:'''Slade''': Sending trouble your way. Leaving cryptic clues for you to unravel. I was testing you. For some time now, I have been searching for… an apprentice. Someone to follow in my footsteps. And Robin, I've chosen you. Congratulations.
:'''Robin''': No way would I ever work for-
:''[Slade shows Robin the kill switch attempting to use it]''
:'''Slade''': If you join me… if you swear to serve me… if you never speak to your friends again… I will allow them to live. But… if you disobey even the smallest request… I will ''annihilate'' them, Robin - and I will make you ''watch''. So, do we have a deal?

:''[Closing line]''
:'''Slade''': I know it seems bad now. But trust me, you'll learn to like it.

==== Part 2 [1.13] ====
:'''Starfire''': Robin? Robin! Please, Robin, where are you?
:'''Raven''': Starfire, enough. You've been calling for forty-five minutes.
:'''Starfire''': Perhaps if I just try one more-
:'''Beast Boy''': Come on, Star. If he's gonna pick up, he'd have done it by now. Besides, you're kinda giving me a headache.
:'''Starfire''': But why does he not respond? Where could he be?
:'''Cyborg''': Robin and Cinderblock definitely went a few rounds, but I can't tell who won, or where they went.
:'''Raven''': No sign of him here, either. His locator is still offline. I've been monitoring all the frequencies, but he hasn't checked in. 
:'''Starfire''': Oh, we are bad friends! We should never have left Robin to do battle alone.
:'''Beast Boy''': Yeah, especially since Slade's big doodad was a dud.
:'''Raven''': The Chronoton Detonator wasn't a dud. It was a decoy to lure us away from Robin, and we fell for it.
:'''Cyborg''': I shoulda known that thing was a fake!
:'''Starfire''': But why? Why did Slade wish to separate us from Robin?
:'''Beast Boy''': And if the detonator was a decoy…
:'''Raven''': …what was Slade's real plan?
:'''Cyborg''': Titans! Trouble!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Excellent, Robin. I'm pleased. You're already proving to be the perfect apprentice.
:'''Robin''': This deal can't last forever.
:'''Slade''': It can. And it will. The Titans still have no idea that my Chronoton Detonator was more than a decoy. Now that my probes are inside their bodies, they could remain undetected for years, decades. Unless, of course, you disobey me, and I decide to destroy your former friends with a push of the button.
:'''Robin''': Sooner or later, you'll let your guard down. I ''will'' get that controller, and the instant they're out of danger, ''you will pay''.
:'''Slade''': That sounds like a threat, young man. Quite a good threat, actually. Betrayal, destruction, revenge. We really do think alike. I monitored your vital signs during the mission. Elevated heart rate, adrenaline, endorphins. You won't admit it, but at some level, you ''enjoyed'' stealing for me. It was a thrill, wasn't it? You're going to keep stealing, Robin. And you're going to keep getting that thrill. And sooner or later, you will see things my way. Who knows? I might even become like a father to you.
:'''Robin''': I already have a father.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Cyborg''': You're not walking outta here, Robin! Not without a fight. Titans! ''Go!''
:''[As the Titans are ready to fight him, Robin dodges their attacks and escape through the air vents to go to the roof]''
:'''Slade''':''[through earpiece]'' Not so fast, Robin. You have yet to achieve your objective.
:'''Robin''': The device was too heavily guarded. I'll have to steal it another-
:'''Slade''': ''NO!'' Go back. Unless you want me to destroy them, go back and fight.
:'''Cyborg''': Robin! Look, I don't know what's going on, but we don't want to fight.  We just want to talk.
:''[Robin uses a high flying kick that drives Cyborg back past the other three.]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Guess there's nothing to talk about.
:''[Beast Boy tries to take him down, but Robin manages to pin him on the 'A' in Wayne Enterprise sign.]''
:'''Starfire''': Please-
:''[He runs pass her to fight the others instead.]''
:'''Cyborg''': ''[aiming his proton cannon]'' Don't make me…
:''[He powers it down]''
:''[While Raven and Cyborg tries to subdue Robin, Beast Boy escapes the sign letter as a snake and then turns into a bullhorn sheep and rams him]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Dude! Are you okay?
:''[He then kicks BB and hurls him at Cyborg.]''
:'''Slade''': Fight to win, Robin. Use the thermal blaster.
:'''Raven''': Azarath, Metrion, ZINTHOS!
:''[She uses spell lifts up and binds Robin. However, he scales a disc at her and explodes on the sign causing in her face a blinding flash.]''
:'''Raven''': I…can't…see!
:''[Raven falls to the roof]''
:'''Starfire''': No! 
:''[Cyborg is blocking Robin’s punches.]''
:'''Cyborg''': Come on, man, don't make me do this! I don't want to do this!
:''[Activates the weapon again. Robin low foot sweeps him, making Cyborg lose his balance. Robin goes to run off the top of the building, only to be stopped by Starfire raising her starbolt at him.]''
:'''Starfire''': ''Stop!'' Do. Not. Move.
:'''Slade''': I thought I told you to use that blaster. Attack! ''Now!''
:''[Robin raises the weapon and points it on Starfire.]''
:'''Starfire''': Robin, you are my best friend. I cannot be in a world where we must fight. If you are truly evil, then go ahead. ''[She lowers her arm.]'' Do what you must.
:'''Robin''': ''[He lowers his arm as well.]'' Starfire, no! I- ''[the earpiece screeches feedback in his ear]''
:'''Slade''': ''ROBIN!'' I gave you an order. If ''you'' won't attack, my probes ''will''.
:''[He pushes the button. The nano probes slowly begins to kill Starfire]''
:'''Robin''': Starfire!
:''[He sees that it's also happening to the other Titans too.]''
:'''Robin''': ''Stop! Please stop!''
:'''Slade''': Attack, Robin. It's the only way to save them. Attack with everything you've got. 
:'''Starfire''': Robin… 
:'''Robin''': ''[He points the blaster down at her and whispers]'' I’m sorry. ''[He fires.]''
:'''Slade''': That's my boy.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Thrilling. My apprentice is progressing even faster than I had hoped. All he needed was a little motivation.
:'''Robin''': Motivate ''THIS''!
:''[Slade counters and hurls Robin towards the ground.]''
:'''Slade''': Robin. That was vicious, dishonorable, and ruthless. '''Excellent work.''' You're becoming more like me every second.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Good, Robin. You're doing much better than last time. A few more years of training, and you might actually pose a threat.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': You're going to wish you hadn't done that.
:'''Robin''': I only wish I'd done it sooner. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': I have much to teach you. But the first thing you need to learn is gratitude.
:''[Robin tries for another go at the kill switch, but Slade seizes his arm and bends it back past the shoulder before dumping him onto his back.]''
:'''Slade''': I made you my apprentice. All my knowledge, all my power, all for you. But the only thing you care about is your WORTHLESS, LITTLE. '''FRIENDS!!!''' ''[They both get up]'' If the Titans are so distracting, maybe I should just get rid of them.
:'''Robin''': Don't. I'll do whatever you say.
:'''Slade''': Good boy. And, from now on, I'd like you to call me Master.
:''[A starbolt blasts him away to land right in front of the monitors]''
:'''Starfire''': Leave. Him. '''Alone...!'''
:'''Slade''': Robin! ''Attack!''
:'''Robin''': Get out of here! Go! You don't know what those beams did to-
:'''Beast Boy''': Dude…
:'''Raven''': …We know…
:'''Cyborg''': …And we don't ''care''.
:'''Starfire''': We are your ''friends'', Robin. We are ''not'' leaving without you.
:'''Slade''': How very touching. ''[puts his finger on the button]'' But Robin doesn't need any friends.
:''[He presses it, bringing the rapparatus to life; red energy bolts blaze out across the space. The Titans collapse on the ground]''
:'''Slade''': This is the price for your disobedience, Robin. Now do as I command. ''Attack!''
:'''Robin''': No. ''[He dashes off.]''
:'''Slade''': Robin!
:''[Robin runs towards the device and gets himself infected with nano probes. His name and infected bloodstream appear on a 5th monitor]''
:'''Robin''': '''New deal, Slade.''' If I lose my friends, you lose your apprentice. '''And I know how you hate to lose.'''
:''[Robin falls down on his knees as he continues to die slowly. Slade destroys the kill switch and he tries to attack again, but Robin quickly counters his move, leaving him flying across the room.]''
:'''Robin''': Titans! ''Go!''
:''[Beast Boy, now a tiger, is first to do damage with a clawed swipe that pierces the armor. Cyborg and Starfire move in next, starbolts and cannon going full throttle to blast Slade backward. As he tumbles, Raven casts a spell to bind his feet and sling him hard onto the platform. Robin delivers a flying kick on his masked face. The right half of his mask drops away and skids across the floor, and he now stands up with one big hand covering the exposed portion of his visage. He turns and runs off.]''
:'''Slade''': Another day, Robin. ''Another day''.
:''[The whole lair was set to self-destruct. Slade gets away, and before the Titans can leave, Cyborg grabs the device that contains a solution to get rid of the probs inside them.]''
:'''Robin''': Let's go home.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[hooked up to a probe removal machine]'' Am I done yet?
:'''Cyborg''': That's it, y'all. The Teen Titans are officially probe-free.
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[Doing &quot;the robot&quot;]'' YEAH! Go, Beast Boy, you're probeless, no probes now, go Beast Boy, go Beast Boy... get funky! ''[Moonwalks]'' Uh-uh, that's right...
:'''Raven''': Um...I know this isn't my style, but we just kicked Slade's butt. Shouldn't we celebrate or something?
:'''Beast Boy''': Yeah!
:'''Cyborg''': All-you-can-eat…
:'''Beast Boy''': …free-form…
:'''Beast Boy and Cyborg''': Breakfast explosion!
:'''Raven''': Sorry I asked.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Robin''': Everything okay?
:'''Starfire''': I am sorry.
:'''Robin''': ''You're'' sorry? For what?
:'''Starfire''': When things were bad, there was a moment where I truly believed that you were...like Slade. I doubted you. And for that, I am sorry.
:'''Robin''': I doubted myself, Star. Focused, serious, determined...as much as I hate to admit it, he and I are kind of alike. But there's one big difference between me and Slade. ''[Smiles]'' He doesn't have any friends.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Beast Boy''': Who wants tofu waffles?
:'''Cyborg''': Man, nobody wants tofu waffles.
:'''Beast Boy''': I do. Pass me the soy milk.
:'''Cyborg''': I'm telling you, you're not getting anywhere near the soy milk.
:'''Beast Boy''': Man, pass me the soy milk!
:'''Cyborg''': Is there ''meat'' in the tofu?
:'''Beast Boy''': No, there's no meat in tofu, it's ''tofu''!
:'''Cyborg''': Nobody wants it...

==Characters==
===Main===
* [[w:Dick Grayson|Dick Grayson/Robin]]
* [[w:Cyborg (comics)|Victor Stone/Cyborg]]
* [[w:Beast Boy|Garfield Logan/Beast Boy]]
* [[w:Starfire (Teen Titans)|Koriand'r/Starfire]]
* [[w:Raven (DC comics)|Rachel Roth/Raven]]

===Supporting===
* [[w:Deathstroke|Slade]] (6 episodes)
* [[w:Blackfire (DC Comics)|Komand'r/Blackfire]] (debuts in &quot;Sisters&quot;)
* [[w:Garth (comics)|Aqualad]] (debuts in &quot;Deep Six&quot;)
* [[w:Jinx (DC Comics)|Jinx]] (debuts in &quot;Final Exam&quot;)
* [[w:Gizmo (DC Comics)|Gizmo]] (debuts in &quot;Final Exam&quot;)
* [[w:Thunder and Lightning (comics)|Thunder and Lightning]] (debut in &quot;Forces of Nature&quot;)

==External links==
{{wikipedia|Teen Titans (season 1)}}

[[Category:Teen Titans seasons]]
[[Category:Children's television seasons]]</text>
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'''''[[Teen Titans (TV series)|Teen Titans]]''''' Season 1 (2003).

==Episodes 1–13==
=== ''Divide and Conquer'' [1.01] ===
:'''Beast Boy''': teen titans go sucks
:'''Robin''': And I can think of five good reasons why you don't want to watch this $hit.
:''[Robin leaps across the floor and lands in a crouch.]''
:'''Robin''': One!
:''[Now Starfire swoops and lands.]''
:'''Starfire''': Two!
:''[Beast Boy, as a tiger, lunges in. And when he comes down, he quickly changes into human form.]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Three!
:''[Next, Raven drops in.]''
:'''Raven''': Four!
:''[Finally, Cyborg jumps in.]''
:'''Cyborg''': Five!
:'''Robin''': No matter how you do the math, it all adds up to you going down. So, are you going to go quietly…
:'''Cyborg''': …Or is this gonna get loud? 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Robin''': Want to give this guy the Sonic Boom?
:'''Cyborg''': I got the Sonic if you got the Boom.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Beast Boy''': Jailbreak? I don't see any jailbreak.
:'''Robin''': None of us would have seen one if Cyborg hadn't messed up!
:'''Cyborg''': Me? I messed up nothing! You got in my way!
:'''Robin''': You were too far forward, and Cinderblock got away because of it!
:'''Cyborg''': You saying this is my fault?
:'''Robin''': Want me to say it again?
:'''Starfire''': Stop! No more mean talking!
:'''Beast Boy''': Yeah. If you two are gonna fight, we need time to sell tickets.
:'''Raven''': Cinderblock escaped. No amount of yelling will change that. So stop acting like idiots, and let's go home.
:'''Robin &amp; Cyborg''': alright, we eat toast everyday
:''[They stride away]''
:'''Robin''': Loser.
:'''Cyborg''': Jerk.
:'''Robin &amp; Cyborg''': '''''gay'''''
:'''Robin''': I don't know how to watch porn films.
:'''Cyborg''': That makes two of us! I will gonna to f*** your f****** a$$ now.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Cyborg''': ''[answering machine]'' This is Cyborg. I'm either in the gym, playing GameStation, or kicking bad-guy butt. Leave a message. ''[Beep.]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Come on, Cy, pick up. I know you're there. The phone's built into your arm!
:'''Starfire''': Taste. ''[Starfire puts it into his mouth and he spits it out.]''
:'''Beast Boy''': What is that? Cream of toenails?
:'''Starfire''': Pudding of Sadness. It is what the people of my planet eat when bad things happen. ''[Takes a spoonful herself and then turns to Raven]'' Try. The displeasing taste will ease your troubled mind.
:'''Raven''': My mind is never troubled. People come, people go. It's pointless to be upset about Cyborg.
:''[All the monitors crack; a sudden display of her powers]''
:'''Raven''': What?
:'''Starfire''': Here, Robin. You must need this most of all since… well…
:'''Robin''': I'm fine. Who knows? Maybe we're better off without him.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Cyborg''': I still got the Sonic if you still got the Boom.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Robin &amp; Cyborg''': Teen Titans! Go!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Robin''': Look, uh… sorry about…
:'''Cyborg''': Yeah.
:'''Robin''': So… are we cool?
:'''Cyborg''': Frosty. ''[As they tap fists.]''
:'''Starfire''': You made up! Glorious! I wish to initiate a group hug.
:'''Raven''': Pass.
:'''Beast Boy''': Yeah, yeah, yeah, warm fuzzies all around. But we still gotta stop Cinderblock.
:'''Cyborg''': No, we don't. Thought I'd bring a present, 'case you were still mad.
:''[Cinderblock is wrapped in steel and being hoist up by a crane.]''
:'''Robin''': Thanks. But there is one thing that's still bothering me. Breaking into jail? Using Plasmus to distract us? The whole plan seems to be a little too smart for Cinderblock.
:'''Cyborg''': I've been thinking the same thing.
:'''Robin''': Someone must have been pulling the strings. But who?
:'''Cyborg''': Well, whoever they are… they're no match for the Teen Titans. ''[He and Robin trade a high five.]''
:'''Robin''': I heard that!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Next time, my plans ''will'' succeed. And the Titans ''will'' pay.

=== ''Sisters'' [1.02] ===
:'''Starfire''': ''[Gasps]'' Beautiful, tell me again what they are called?
:'''Robin''': Fireworks.
:'''Starfire''': On my home planet, such explosions would mean the Gordanians were attacking. You are sure certain Earth is not under attack?
:'''Robin''': Positive. Cotton candy? ''[Offers some]''
:'''Starfire''': The last time I ate a ball of cotton, it was white, and it did not taste very-
:'''Robin''': This is different. ''[he pulls off a piece and eats it]''
:'''Starfire''': ''[She eats some]'' Mmmm… ''[Squeal]'' It vanished!
:'''Robin''': ''[Chuckles]'' Yeah, it'll do that.
:'''Starfire''': ''[Sighs]'' When I first came to this planet, I did not think I would ever fit in. Earth was full of strange things. But now, I see that-
:'''Robin''': Here comes the finale! Yes!
:''[In the sky, the display of fireworks are being presented as the finale.]''
:'''Robin''': Whoo-hoo-hoo! Ah, amazing!
:'''Starfire''': Earth is full of amazing things, too.
:'''Robin''': Best planet I've ever been to. ''[a pink squid-like bot flies out of nowhere and grabs Starfire]'' STARFIRE!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Starfire''': Friends! I invite you to join me in the togetherness of a stay-home movie night. I bring you popcorn and non-cotton candies. Tell me, what sort of movie shall we view?
:'''Robin''': Action.
:'''Beast Boy''': Comedy.
:'''Cyborg''': Sci-fi.
:'''Raven''': Horror.
:''[Starfire drops her load of goodies]''
:'''Starfire''': Perhaps a double feature?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Blackfire''': ''[Chuckles]'' Now don't tell me you big tough superheroes are afraid of a little dancing.
:'''Beast Boy''': Betcha Cyborg can do the Robot.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Raven''': This party is pointless.
:'''Goth Boy''': Everything's pointless. Wanna go talk about it?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Starfire''': Perhaps I do not belong here after all.
:'''Robin''': Of course you don't. You belong down there, having fun with the rest of us. What's wrong?
:'''Starfire''': Nothing is wrong. Everything is wonderful. ''[He sits by her.]'' The pounding music and blinding lights are quite enjoyable. Everything is not wonderful. I am happy to see her, but Blackfire rules the video games, and she is able to share very depressing poems, and she knows the cool moves, and she always knows when people are not talking about shovels. ''[sighs.]'' And I am ''nothing'' like her.
:'''Robin''': No, you're not. And I think-
:'''Blackfire''': ''[wearing a bright pink wig]'' How do I look?
:'''Robin''': Pink. Look, can you give us a minute here?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Centauri 2''': By the name of the Grand Centauri Empire, you are all under arrest. ''[pulls out a badge]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Uh, you can't be the good guys. ''We're'' the good guys.
:'''Centauri 2''': And we are Centauri Police.
:'''Centauri 1''': The Tamaranean girl is a liar and a thief! ''[points to Starfire]'' She's committed high crimes throughout the entire Centauri system.
:'''Starfire''': I have never even been to the Centauri Moons.
:'''Robin''': But I know someone who has. 
:''[He takes the necklace off Starfire, showing the gem Blackfire gave her earlier. Starfire gasps.]'' 
:'''Robin''': ''[to the police giving back the necklace]'' You've been chasing the wrong girl. ''[turns to the others]'' Where's Blackfire?
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[sees a dark figure zooming through the sky]'' Uh...
:'''Robin''': Don't worry, Starfire. She won't get away with this!
:'''Starfire''': No, she will ''NOT!''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Starfire''': Hello, sister.
:'''Blackfire''': Aww, you're mad. I know, I should have told you I was leaving, but you know how I hate goodbyes and-
:'''Starfire''': You are a criminal, and you were going to let me take your place in jail!
:'''Blackfire''': Oh… well… yeah.
:'''Starfire''': You will give back what you have stolen and turn yourself over to the police!
:'''Blackfire''': And what will you do if I don't?
:''[Blackfire warms up a starbolt and lets her have it.]''
:'''Blackfire''': I always was the better fighter.
:'''Starfire''': Not anymore!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Robin''': Hey. How are you doing?
:'''Starfire''': I am… sad for my sister.
:'''Robin''': And for yourself?
:'''Starfire''': I am just glad that the truth was discovered before I was replaced.
:'''Robin''': What are you talking about?
:'''Starfire''': Well, you… everyone was having such fun with her, and then Cyborg said-
:'''Robin''': Look. Your sister was... interesting, but she could never take your place. No one could ''ever'' take your place.

=== ''Final Exam'' [1.03] ===
:'''Cyborg''': How could you lose the remote?
:'''Beast Boy''': What makes you so sure I lost it?
:'''Cyborg''': Uh, 'cause you're you.
:'''Beast Boy''': Hey! Just because I lost that video game-
:'''Cyborg''': -and the waffle iron.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Cyborg''': Come on, man, how could you deny me the all-meat experience?
:'''Beast Boy''': Dude, I've ''been'' most of those animals!
:'''Starfire''': I suggest a large pizza with pickles, bananas, and mint frosting.
:'''Robin''': Uh, Starfire, not everything on the menu is a pizza topping.
:'''Starfire''': Oh.
:'''Cyborg''': Double pepperoni!
:'''Beast Boy''': I'm not eating meat!
:'''Cyborg''': There's no meat in pepperoni!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Beast Boy''': Noooo! This is the worst thing that could ever happen! My tunes, they've been... alphabetized. How am l ever gonna find anything?
:'''Raven''': They went in my room. No one should ''ever'' go into my room.    
:'''Starfire''': ''[gasps as she pops up from the kitchen counter]'' Someone has disposed of all our blue furry food!    
:'''Cyborg''': ''[lifts the couch]'' You gotta be kidding me! The whole place gets cleaned and l still can't find the ---    
:''[Robin whistles, and points at the remote, who's in the coffee table.]''
:'''Cyborg''': Ha! ''[sets the couch down. As Robin is switching channels, his teammates sit in the couch]'' l guess we really oughta be training for battles, tracking down clues, and trying to figure out who Slade is, huh?    
:'''Robin''': We will. But right now, l'm just happy to be part of the team.    

=== ''Forces of Nature'' [1.04] ===
''[After Beast Boy accidentally pranks Starfire]''
:'''Starfire''': Is this punishment? I did something wrong?
:'''Raven''': You didn't. ''He'' did.
:'''Beast Boy''': Star, it was... You weren't supposed to... I didn't... Heh, just remember to change that oil every 3,000 miles. Heh heh.
:'''Starfire''': On my planet we have a name for those who do such horrible things! You are a...A ''KLORBAG VARBLENELK!''
:'''Beast Boy''': I'm a what-bag??
:'''Cyborg''': You heard the lady.
:'''Raven''': You are ''such'' a klorbag.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Beast Boy crawls out as a spider from under a pile of rubble that seemingly fell on top of Starfire. Turns back into normal form]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Star? Starfire? Where are you? ''[climbs down]'' Come on! Gimme a sign here! ''[He starts to dig.]'' You have to be alright, okay? 'Cause I-it was just a joke, you know? Back at the Tower, and...I'm sorry. I never said it, but I'm really, really sorry. It was supposed to be funny. And you could've been hurt, and... ''[softly]'' ...I'm a total klorbag. 
:''[A shadow comes over him. Beast Boy looks over his shoulder]'' 
:'''Beast Boy''': Huh?
:''[It is revealed to Starfire who is standing behind him]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Starfire!
:''[Turns into kitten again and jumps into her arms]''
:'''Starfire''': ''[laughs]'' I am glad you are unharmed as well.
:''[Beast Boy takes normal form again]''
:'''Beast Boy''': I am so sorry. You gotta forgive me.
:'''Starfire''': I already have. Now those evil brothers must be made to apologize.
:'''Beast Boy''': I don't think they ''are'' evil. I think they're just like me.

=== ''The Sum of His Parts'' [1.05] ===
:'''Cyborg''': Mmm-mmm. Would you look at that. A little sunshine, a little breeze. Only one thing could make this day better. Four and a half pounds of baby back ribs! Man, I love picnic food!
:'''Starfire''': Agreed, Cyborg. This tangy yellow beverage is truly delightful.
:'''Cyborg''': Um .. Starfire?
:'''Robin''': That's [[wikipedia:Mustard|mustard]].
:'''Starfire''': Is there more?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Starfire''': Cyborg? Cyborg!
:'''Raven''': What's wrong with him?
:'''Beast Boy''': Is he gonna be okay?
:'''Robin''': Shh. I think he's coming to. Cyborg! Are you all right? ''[He and Starfire pulls him up.]''
:'''Cyborg''': Yeah. ''[Grunts]'' Thanks.
:'''Raven''': What happened?
:'''Cyborg''': Something musta gone wrong with my systems. ''[Checks his power cell.]'' Oh, man! My power cell's dying.
:'''Starfire''': Dying?!?
:'''Cyborg''': It's only a battery. I'm fine. Happens every couple of years. Just a natural part of being unnatural.
:'''Robin''': So what do we do?
:'''Cyborg''': You keep playing. I go home and change batteries. ''[He starts walking away.]''
:'''Beast Boy''': You sure you don't want help?
:'''Cyborg''': Just 'cause I can't have fun doesn't mean y'all can't.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fixit''': Charging is complete. The new power cell is functioning properly.
:'''Cyborg''': Yeah. I'm feeling better. Lots better.
:'''Fixit''': Of course you are. I am Fixit. Things come to me broken. I make repairs. Let me see. Yes...yes...hmm...pity. Interesting. The damage is too extensive. Perhaps if we can find another processor.
:'''Cyborg''': Well, thanks...for everything.
:'''Fixit''': You cannot leave.
:'''Cyborg''': I can't?
:'''Fixit''': You are not repaired, not fully.
:'''Cyborg''': I'm not?
:'''Fixit''': My examination revealed many flaws, serious flaws.
:'''Cyborg''': Serious? How serious? What's wrong with me?
:'''Fixit''': There is no cause for alarm. More repairs are needed. More repairs will be made.
:'''Cyborg''': But, I feel fine. Are you sure I'm-?
:'''Fixit''': Quite. Will you remain? It is for the best.
:'''Cyborg''': Well, yeah, I guess. Let me just tell my friends where I am.
:''[Fix it sabotage his systems as he jammed his communications.]''
:'''Cyborg''': Whoa! Something really is wrong with me.
:'''Fixit''': Rest now. You may contact your friends later. I am sure they are not too concerned.
:'''Cyborg''': Maybe they should be.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fixit''': So... beautiful. I had forgotten how beautiful... a world... through your eyes...
:'''Cyborg''': Through ''human'' eyes.

=== ''Nevermore'' [1.06] ===
:'''Beast Boy''': So, where are we?
:'''Cyborg''': You're asking the wrong robot. My sensors must be on the blank cause they're sayin' we're in Titans Tower.
:'''Beast Boy''': Riiight. So how do we get back?
:'''Cyborg''': Guess we start walking.
:'''Beast Boy''': Come on! I'm serious. We're on a rock in the middle of- ''[He gets cut off by rocks forming a path in front of the two]'' Oh. If sending us to Weirdsville is Raven's idea of a joke, I am ''so'' not laughing.
:'''Cyborg''': Hey, she didn't send us here! You're the one who went snooping in her room and popping zits in her magic mirror!
:'''Beast Boy''': Who booby traps a ''mirror?''
:'''Cyborg''': Maybe it wasn't a trap, maybe its Raven's way home. Maybe this is where she's from.
:'''Beast Boy''': Definitely creepy enough.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[After being narrowly saved from falling nevermore by the ground turning 180 degrees]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Raven?! How did-- Where-- What just-- Why are you wearing ''pink?''
:'''Happy Raven''': 'Cause it's my favorite colour?
:'''Beast Boy''': It ''is?''
:'''Cyborg''': Look, I'd love to talk fashion, but I don't suppose you'd know how to get home?
:'''Happy Raven''': The Forbidden Door. It's the only way out. But you don't wanna go there. Not now.
:'''Beast Boy, Cyborg''': Uh... yeah, we do!
:'''Happy Raven''': Okay, but don't say I didn't warn you!
:''[She leads them to the door, pretending to be an aeroplane. Cyborg and Beast Boy follow her]''
:'''Cyborg''': Have you ever seen her ''this'' happy?
:'''Beast Boy''': Dude, I didn't even think Raven could ''do'' happy.

=== ''Switched'' [1.07] ===
:'''Cyborg''': ''[About the puppets]'' Aww, isn't that cute? Puppet Cy has a light-up eye.
:'''Robin''': Yeah. They got all the details just right.
:'''Beast Boy''': Speak for yourself! I'm way better looking than ''this''. And taller.
:'''Raven''': Someone certainly has a lot of time on their hands.
:'''Starfire''': ''[giggles]'' I have never seen such a whimsical device. ''[voicing puppet Starfire]'' &quot;Hello, Starfire&quot;. ''[normal voice]'' Hello, tiny wooden replica of Starfire!
:'''Beast Boy''': Dude, my puppet is totally kicking your puppet's butt!
:'''Robin''': Not for long. 
:''[his puppet pushes Beast Boy's puppet and it accidentally hits Cyborg's puppet]''
:'''Cyborg''': You wanna piece of me little man?
:'''Robin''': Come on, show me whatcha got, Beast Boy!
:'''Raven''': Boys...
:'''Starfire''': Shall my tiny replica do battle with your tiny replica?
:'''Raven''': ''[tosses her puppet to her]'' Knock yourself out.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Starfire''': ''[voiceover; whispering]'' The boys! Raven, what are we gonna…?
:''[Raven, now in Starfire's body, pulls on a string, turning the light on. She stares at Starfire, who is in her own body]''
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': Starfire?
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Raven?! ''[gasps]'' You're me! ''[gasps again as she looks at herself]'' And I'm you!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Oh, Raven, this is awful! ''Terribly'', ''horribly'' awful!
:''[As Raven climbs out, they walk down a path. Starfire gradually panics as she talks, causing the black telekinesis to bend three parking meters, makes two boxes shoot out sheets of newspaper like geysers, and a mailbox to melt]''
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': Tell me about it.
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Very well. Robin, Cyborg and Beast Boy have been trapped inside tiny wooden bodies, while a nasty creature called the Puppet King has taken control of their real bodies, which he's using to hunt us down, and you and I are in the wrong bodies, and… ''[gasps as Raven puts her hand on her shoulder]''
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': Starfire! You have to calm down. My powers are driven by emotions. The more you feel, the more energy you unleash.
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': But what if they find us? What if our friends are doomed? And what if I'm stuck, looking like this forever?! 
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': We'll fix it. I don't know how, but we'll rescue the boys, and we'll get our bodies back. What's wrong with the way I look?
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Nothing.
:''[As Starfire holds her hands up, a walk sign explodes]''
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': I'll try to calm down. ''[closes her eyes as she sighs, then spreads her arms out]'' Peace, quiet, tranquil…
:''[A blast causes a car to get launched in the air, then crash lands on its roof on the road]''
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': We're so doomed.
:''[An eagle screech from Beast Boy as an eagle. The duo look up as Starfire points]''
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Beast Boy!
:''[He dives in after the girls]''
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': You mean ''zombie'' Beast Boy. &lt;big&gt;'''''Run!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[The girls run in an alley. Still in Starfire's body, Raven flaps her arms and jumps, as if trying to fly]''
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': Fly! Fly!
:''[The girls slow to a walk]''
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': We cannot fight them again. I do not wish to, and in our present condition we would surely be defeated!
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': OK, how do you fly this thing?
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': You must ''feel'' flight. 
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': What? 
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': When you feel the unbridled joy of flight, you will fly!
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': Unbridled joy...Not really my thing. 
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Look!
:''[They spot zombie Beast Boy]''
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': What do I have to feel to use star bolts?
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Righteous fury!
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': Your alien strength?
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Boundless confidence!
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': Never mind.

=== ''Deep Six'' [1.08] ===
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[In reply to Starfire's comment about the marine life]'' If you think ''that's'' cool, wait till you see me out there kicking butt! First, I'm goin' shark. 
:''[He starts snapping his jaws, mimicking a shark. Cyborg presses the 'off' switch controlling Beast Boy's microphone]''
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[Now muffled]'' Hey! What just...is this thing on?! Hey, cut it out!
:'''Cyborg''': ''[Turns it back on]'' Goodness me, I seem to have accidentally switched off Beast Boy's microphone.
:'''Raven''': Could you go ahead and accidentally ''leave'' it off?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[As a squid, chasing the Titans as they sink]'' I got it, I got it! ''[Two whales pass him]'' Huh? ''[The two whales save the Titans]'' ''They'' got it? How come ''they'' got it?
:'''Aqualad''': Because I asked for their help.
:'''Beast Boy''': You talk to fish? Yeah right!
:'''Aqualad''': I'm talking to you, aren't I?
:'''Beast Boy''': Well I, uh... technically I'm a squid.

=== ''Masks'' [1.09] ===
:'''Robin''': Tell Slade if he wants this, he can come get it himself!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Robin''': Now talk! Who's Slade? Why does he want this chip? And why are you working...for...him?
:'''Slade''': Excellent work, Robin.
:'''Robin''': Slade!
:'''Slade''': Really, I think your skills are improving.
:'''Robin''': No more games! What do you want?
:'''Slade''': But you do lack patience. If you're really so curious about my intentions, perhaps we should meet face to face.
:'''Robin''': Tell me where you're hiding and I'll be there in a heartbeat!
:'''Slade''': Patience, Robin. Patience.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Beast Boy''': O.K, all work and no flicks makes me a dull Beast Boy. So my fellow couch potatoes, what'll it be? Super Ninja Showdown 8? Or Maniac Fury: Attack of the Protozoids?
:'''Raven''': ''[Sarcastically]'' Gee. They both sound so good.
:'''Cyborg''': Yeah, it's really hard to pick. Wanna watch 'em both?!
:'''Starfire''': Perhaps Robin would enjoy potatoing the couch with us? Tell me, is he-?
:'''Beast Boy''': -In the exact same place he's been since his little chat session with Slade? Uh, yeah.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Starfire''': Robin? I am wondering if you might wish to-
:'''Robin''': No... thanks. But I need to figure out why Slade wanted that chip.
:'''Starfire''': Agreed; and perhaps if you were to take a break, the answer would be easier to-
:'''Robin''': I can't. You almost got hurt. Next time could be worse. He's planning something; I have to find out what.
:'''Starfire''': But Robin, I am sure that- ''[he closes the door]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Red X''': Rumor has it, you're interested in this.
:'''Slade''': I'm interested in many things, Mr. …
:'''Red X''': X. Red X.
:'''Slade''': Hmmm. Catchy. So, are you proposing a sale or a gift?
:'''Red X''': A partnership. I give you the chip, you cut me in on your plans.
:'''Slade''': Partnership. My, my, we are ambitious. But an alliance cannot be forged from one small chip. If you're going to win my trust, I'll require more.
:'''Red X''': Just tell me what you want.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Impressive, Red X. I tapped into the security cameras to catch your performance. You treated the Titans to quite a show.
:'''Red X''': Glad you enjoyed it. Is the audition over?
:'''Slade''': Patience. Trust is easy to destroy, but it takes time to build. One last test. Prove yourself and we'll meet to discuss your future.
:'''Red X''': Good.
:''[He takes the mask off, revealing himself to be Robin.]''
:'''Robin''': It's about time we met face to face.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Excellent work. Honestly, I couldn't have done better myself.
:'''Red X''': So, do we have a deal?
:'''Slade''': Indeed. You and I are so very much alike. It seems only natural that we should be partners.
:'''Red X''': What are they for? I need to know what we're planning… partner.
:'''Slade''': Patience. You can't expect me to trust you with such sensitive information right away… can you… ''Robin?''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Careful. I wouldn't want you getting hurt.
:'''Robin''': I'm not the one who's going to get hurt. Now hand them over!
:'''Slade''': Robin. I thought we had a deal.
:'''Robin''': Sorry. I have a strict rule against giving stolen technology to psychos.
:'''Slade''': How very noble of you. But stealing in order to trap me? That wasn't so noble. Two wrongs don't make a-
:'''Robin''': Don't ever lecture me! Whatever you're planning, Slade, it's over!
:'''Slade''': On the contrary, Robin, it's just begun.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Robin''': You… ''saved'' me?
:'''Slade''': I'm not through with you.
:''[He hauls Robin back up and tosses him across the rooftop. The brawl starts all over again, until Robin seems to have the upper hand.]''
:'''Robin''': This ends ''now!''
:''[He pulls the man's mask off. It's revealed to be another robot.]''
:'''Slade''': Patience, Robin. We'll meet face to face some other time. Oh, and speaking of time…
:''[The timer is set as the robot was about to self-destruct.]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Heh. At least he didn't get the chips.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Robin''': You want to yell at me, too? Everyone else has, and I don't blame them.
:'''Starfire''': I do not wish to yell, merely to understand. Robin, why did you not tell us the truth?
:'''Robin''': I needed to fool Slade. If you guys knew it was me under that mask, you guys would have held back. Doesn't matter anyway, Slade figured it out, and I haven't figured anything out about him.
:'''Starfire''': That is not true. Whoever Slade is, you and he are... similar. He did not trust you... and you did not trust us.

=== ''Mad Mod'' [1.10] ===
:'''Cyborg''': Make him laugh!
:'''Starfire''': ''[to Beast Boy]'' How many okarins does it take to hogie a morflark? Fimbar! Um... boogers?
:'''Beast Boy''': Hahahahaha! Boogers! Oh, man!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Starfire''': I cannot awaken Beast Boy. I have tried the tickling, all manners of bodily noises, and the word &quot;underpants&quot;. I fear that this time his brain is gone forever.
:'''Raven''': Beast Boy ''had'' a brain?
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[wakes up and laughs]'' Ha ha! Good one! ''[stops]'' Dude, that's not funny! I totally have a brain! I just don't use it much...

=== ''Car Trouble'' [1.11] ===
:'''Cyborg''': You lost my car?... My car lost a race?!
:'''Thief''': No way, we beat him easy. She handled like a dream!
:'''Cyborg''': She did? How'd she take the curves 'cause, Y'know, I've been working on the suspension, and-d-d-d-d- Don't try to distract me! Who has her now?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Raven''': Fourteen milkshakes. Not a good sign.
:'''Cyborg''': What are you doing here?
:'''Raven''': Looking for your car. Soon as we turned Overload in to the police, we all split up to search the city.
:'''Cyborg''': Might as well stop looking. T-Car’s probably halfway to Metropolis by now... from the day I designed her, I knew she was gonna be special. And I work so hard every fuel injector every spark plug. I made her perfect. I put my heart, my soul, and my circuits into this car. And now she's gone forever. Maybe you were right, maybe it was just a car.
:'''Raven''': Maybe. Maybe not. When I use my powers, I have to put a little of my soul into whatever I'm moving. I become a part of it, and it becomes a part of me. That's kinda what happened here. It wasn't just a car. It was… your baby.
:'''Cyborg''': Yeah. Thanks, Rae.
:''[Raven smiles]''
:'''Raven''': And someone's eating onion rings in your baby.
:'''Cyborg''': ''[Sees Gizmo drive off in his car]'' He'll get ketchup on the seats!

=== ''Apprentice'' ===
==== Part 1 [1.12] ====
:'''Slade''': Dangerous behavior, Robin. You must be very eager to see me. I'm flattered.
:'''Robin''': I'm not here to see you. I'm here to stop you.
:'''Slade''': Hmm. But how can you stop me, when you don't even know what I'm planning?
:'''Robin''': Like this.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Excellent, Robin. We appear to be evenly matched and equally ruthless. Not surprising. You and I are so very much alike.
:'''Robin''': I'm ''nothing'' like you! You're a criminal, a psychopath! All you care about is destruction!
:'''Slade''': And all you care about, you ''destroy''. ''[Showing the crumbled rocks that look like the Titans.]''
:'''Robin''': No... who are you?! ''[He rips off Slade's mask, revealing his own face laughing evilly. He wakes up]''
:'''Cyborg''': ''[offscreen]'' It's him. ''[He's behind the door.]'' It's Slade.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': ''[On computer screen]'' Good morning, Teen Titans. I do hope I didn't wake you.
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[Yawning]'' What are you, an insomniac? Who calls at five in the morning-? ''[Raven elbows him]''
:'''Robin''': What do you want?
:'''Slade''': Well, that's precisely what you've been trying to find out, isn't it? And in spite of all your efforts, you're still in the dark about my intentions. Disappointing, Robin. I expected a little more from you.
:'''Robin''': Like I care what you-
:'''Slade''': But since you've been unable to discover my plan, I suppose I'll just have to reveal it myself. I'm sure you're all familiar with the concept of a Chronoton Detonator...
:'''Cyborg''': No!
:'''Starfire''': ''[Gasps]''
:'''Raven''': Uh-oh.
:'''Beast Boy''': No way! ...um, what's a crouton detonator?
:'''Starfire''': It eradicates all chronotons within a localized area, utterly destroying the temporal component of the space-time continuum.
:'''Beast Boy''': Hmm?
:'''Raven''': It stops time. Permanently. 
:''[Beast Boy faints.]''
:'''Cyborg''': If he triggers that thing downtown, it'll freeze-frame the entire city.
:'''Robin''': Tell me where!
:'''Slade''': You're a clever boy, Robin. I'm sure you and your little friends can figure it out. However, since I control the detonation, time is not on your side.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Hurry, young Titans. Your time is running out.
:'''Robin''': ''[appearing behind Slade]'' Actually… we just went into overtime.
:'''Slade''': Robin. Welcome. I've been expecting you for some time. I was beginning to wonder if Cinderblock was too much of a challenge. Looking for this? Well… here it is. If you want it, come and take it.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Come now, Robin. You'll have to do better than that. I haven't even broken a sweat.
:''[As Robin is terminated to win, Slade grabs his hand as his counter move]''
:'''Slade''': Good technique.
:''[Slade bends his arm and throws Robin across the room.]''
:'''Slade''': Good, but not perfect.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': I understand your frustration, Robin. You hate losing as much as I do. One of the many qualities we have in common.
:''[Robin knocks Slade down, he picks up the remote]''
:'''Robin''': It's over, Slade!
:'''Slade''': On the contrary, Robin.
:'''Robin''': Huh?
:''[It breaks apart in his hand.]''
:'''Slade''': This is only the beginning.
:'''Robin''': Where's the real trigger?
:'''Slade''': Trigger? There is no trigger. Because there is no detonator.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Nanoscopic probes. The Chronoton Detonator was merely the bait for a much larger trap. You see, with the push of a button… ''[He shows that his thumb it's on the trigger]'' …my probes will destroy your friends from the inside out.
:'''Robin''': You can't control them. No matter what you threaten, they'll never obey you.
:'''Slade''': This isn't about your friends, Robin. It's about you. It's always been about you.
:'''Robin''': What?
:'''Slade''': Sending trouble your way. Leaving cryptic clues for you to unravel. I was testing you. For some time now, I have been searching for… an apprentice. Someone to follow in my footsteps. And Robin, I've chosen you. Congratulations.
:'''Robin''': No way would I ever work for-
:''[Slade shows Robin the kill switch attempting to use it]''
:'''Slade''': If you join me… if you swear to serve me… if you never speak to your friends again… I will allow them to live. But… if you disobey even the smallest request… I will ''annihilate'' them, Robin - and I will make you ''watch''. So, do we have a deal?

:''[Closing line]''
:'''Slade''': I know it seems bad now. But trust me, you'll learn to like it.

==== Part 2 [1.13] ====
:'''Starfire''': Robin? Robin! Please, Robin, where are you?
:'''Raven''': Starfire, enough. You've been calling for forty-five minutes.
:'''Starfire''': Perhaps if I just try one more-
:'''Beast Boy''': Come on, Star. If he's gonna pick up, he'd have done it by now. Besides, you're kinda giving me a headache.
:'''Starfire''': But why does he not respond? Where could he be?
:'''Cyborg''': Robin and Cinderblock definitely went a few rounds, but I can't tell who won, or where they went.
:'''Raven''': No sign of him here, either. His locator is still offline. I've been monitoring all the frequencies, but he hasn't checked in. 
:'''Starfire''': Oh, we are bad friends! We should never have left Robin to do battle alone.
:'''Beast Boy''': Yeah, especially since Slade's big doodad was a dud.
:'''Raven''': The Chronoton Detonator wasn't a dud. It was a decoy to lure us away from Robin, and we fell for it.
:'''Cyborg''': I shoulda known that thing was a fake!
:'''Starfire''': But why? Why did Slade wish to separate us from Robin?
:'''Beast Boy''': And if the detonator was a decoy…
:'''Raven''': …what was Slade's real plan?
:'''Cyborg''': Titans! Trouble!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Excellent, Robin. I'm pleased. You're already proving to be the perfect apprentice.
:'''Robin''': This deal can't last forever.
:'''Slade''': It can. And it will. The Titans still have no idea that my Chronoton Detonator was more than a decoy. Now that my probes are inside their bodies, they could remain undetected for years, decades. Unless, of course, you disobey me, and I decide to destroy your former friends with a push of the button.
:'''Robin''': Sooner or later, you'll let your guard down. I ''will'' get that controller, and the instant they're out of danger, ''you will pay''.
:'''Slade''': That sounds like a threat, young man. Quite a good threat, actually. Betrayal, destruction, revenge. We really do think alike. I monitored your vital signs during the mission. Elevated heart rate, adrenaline, endorphins. You won't admit it, but at some level, you ''enjoyed'' stealing for me. It was a thrill, wasn't it? You're going to keep stealing, Robin. And you're going to keep getting that thrill. And sooner or later, you will see things my way. Who knows? I might even become like a father to you.
:'''Robin''': I already have a father.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Cyborg''': You're not walking outta here, Robin! Not without a fight. Titans! ''Go!''
:''[As the Titans are ready to fight him, Robin dodges their attacks and escape through the air vents to go to the roof]''
:'''Slade''':''[through earpiece]'' Not so fast, Robin. You have yet to achieve your objective.
:'''Robin''': The device was too heavily guarded. I'll have to steal it another-
:'''Slade''': ''NO!'' Go back. Unless you want me to destroy them, go back and fight.
:'''Cyborg''': Robin! Look, I don't know what's going on, but we don't want to fight.  We just want to talk.
:''[Robin uses a high flying kick that drives Cyborg back past the other three.]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Guess there's nothing to talk about.
:''[Beast Boy tries to take him down, but Robin manages to pin him on the 'A' in Wayne Enterprise sign.]''
:'''Starfire''': Please-
:''[He runs pass her to fight the others instead.]''
:'''Cyborg''': ''[aiming his proton cannon]'' Don't make me…
:''[He powers it down]''
:''[While Raven and Cyborg tries to subdue Robin, Beast Boy escapes the sign letter as a snake and then turns into a bullhorn sheep and rams him]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Dude! Are you okay?
:''[He then kicks BB and hurls him at Cyborg.]''
:'''Slade''': Fight to win, Robin. Use the thermal blaster.
:'''Raven''': Azarath, Metrion, ZINTHOS!
:''[She uses spell lifts up and binds Robin. However, he scales a disc at her and explodes on the sign causing in her face a blinding flash.]''
:'''Raven''': I…can't…see!
:''[Raven falls to the roof]''
:'''Starfire''': No! 
:''[Cyborg is blocking Robin’s punches.]''
:'''Cyborg''': Come on, man, don't make me do this! I don't want to do this!
:''[Activates the weapon again. Robin low foot sweeps him, making Cyborg lose his balance. Robin goes to run off the top of the building, only to be stopped by Starfire raising her starbolt at him.]''
:'''Starfire''': ''Stop!'' Do. Not. Move.
:'''Slade''': I thought I told you to use that blaster. Attack! ''Now!''
:''[Robin raises the weapon and points it on Starfire.]''
:'''Starfire''': Robin, you are my best friend. I cannot be in a world where we must fight. If you are truly evil, then go ahead. ''[She lowers her arm.]'' Do what you must.
:'''Robin''': ''[He lowers his arm as well.]'' Starfire, no! I- ''[the earpiece screeches feedback in his ear]''
:'''Slade''': ''ROBIN!'' I gave you an order. If ''you'' won't attack, my probes ''will''.
:''[He pushes the button. The nano probes slowly begins to kill Starfire]''
:'''Robin''': Starfire!
:''[He sees that it's also happening to the other Titans too.]''
:'''Robin''': ''Stop! Please stop!''
:'''Slade''': Attack, Robin. It's the only way to save them. Attack with everything you've got. 
:'''Starfire''': Robin… 
:'''Robin''': ''[He points the blaster down at her and whispers]'' I’m sorry. ''[He fires.]''
:'''Slade''': That's my boy.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Thrilling. My apprentice is progressing even faster than I had hoped. All he needed was a little motivation.
:'''Robin''': Motivate ''THIS''!
:''[Slade counters and hurls Robin towards the ground.]''
:'''Slade''': Robin. That was vicious, dishonorable, and ruthless. '''Excellent work.''' You're becoming more like me every second.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Good, Robin. You're doing much better than last time. A few more years of training, and you might actually pose a threat.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': You're going to wish you hadn't done that.
:'''Robin''': I only wish I'd done it sooner. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': I have much to teach you. But the first thing you need to learn is gratitude.
:''[Robin tries for another go at the kill switch, but Slade seizes his arm and bends it back past the shoulder before dumping him onto his back.]''
:'''Slade''': I made you my apprentice. All my knowledge, all my power, all for you. But the only thing you care about is your WORTHLESS, LITTLE. '''FRIENDS!!!''' ''[They both get up]'' If the Titans are so distracting, maybe I should just get rid of them.
:'''Robin''': Don't. I'll do whatever you say.
:'''Slade''': Good boy. And, from now on, I'd like you to call me Master.
:''[A starbolt blasts him away to land right in front of the monitors]''
:'''Starfire''': Leave. Him. '''Alone...!'''
:'''Slade''': Robin! ''Attack!''
:'''Robin''': Get out of here! Go! You don't know what those beams did to-
:'''Beast Boy''': Dude…
:'''Raven''': …We know…
:'''Cyborg''': …And we don't ''care''.
:'''Starfire''': We are your ''friends'', Robin. We are ''not'' leaving without you.
:'''Slade''': How very touching. ''[puts his finger on the button]'' But Robin doesn't need any friends.
:''[He presses it, bringing the rapparatus to life; red energy bolts blaze out across the space. The Titans collapse on the ground]''
:'''Slade''': This is the price for your disobedience, Robin. Now do as I command. ''Attack!''
:'''Robin''': No. ''[He dashes off.]''
:'''Slade''': Robin!
:''[Robin runs towards the device and gets himself infected with nano probes. His name and infected bloodstream appear on a 5th monitor]''
:'''Robin''': '''New deal, Slade.''' If I lose my friends, you lose your apprentice. '''And I know how you hate to lose.'''
:''[Robin falls down on his knees as he continues to die slowly. Slade destroys the kill switch and he tries to attack again, but Robin quickly counters his move, leaving him flying across the room.]''
:'''Robin''': Titans! ''Go!''
:''[Beast Boy, now a tiger, is first to do damage with a clawed swipe that pierces the armor. Cyborg and Starfire move in next, starbolts and cannon going full throttle to blast Slade backward. As he tumbles, Raven casts a spell to bind his feet and sling him hard onto the platform. Robin delivers a flying kick on his masked face. The right half of his mask drops away and skids across the floor, and he now stands up with one big hand covering the exposed portion of his visage. He turns and runs off.]''
:'''Slade''': Another day, Robin. ''Another day''.
:''[The whole lair was set to self-destruct. Slade gets away, and before the Titans can leave, Cyborg grabs the device that contains a solution to get rid of the probs inside them.]''
:'''Robin''': Let's go home.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[hooked up to a probe removal machine]'' Am I done yet?
:'''Cyborg''': That's it, y'all. The Teen Titans are officially probe-free.
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[Doing &quot;the robot&quot;]'' YEAH! Go, Beast Boy, you're probeless, no probes now, go Beast Boy, go Beast Boy... get funky! ''[Moonwalks]'' Uh-uh, that's right...
:'''Raven''': Um...I know this isn't my style, but we just kicked Slade's butt. Shouldn't we celebrate or something?
:'''Beast Boy''': Yeah!
:'''Cyborg''': All-you-can-eat…
:'''Beast Boy''': …free-form…
:'''Beast Boy and Cyborg''': Breakfast explosion!
:'''Raven''': Sorry I asked.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Robin''': Everything okay?
:'''Starfire''': I am sorry.
:'''Robin''': ''You're'' sorry? For what?
:'''Starfire''': When things were bad, there was a moment where I truly believed that you were...like Slade. I doubted you. And for that, I am sorry.
:'''Robin''': I doubted myself, Star. Focused, serious, determined...as much as I hate to admit it, he and I are kind of alike. But there's one big difference between me and Slade. ''[Smiles]'' He doesn't have any friends.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Beast Boy''': Who wants tofu waffles?
:'''Cyborg''': Man, nobody wants tofu waffles.
:'''Beast Boy''': I do. Pass me the soy milk.
:'''Cyborg''': I'm telling you, you're not getting anywhere near the soy milk.
:'''Beast Boy''': Man, pass me the soy milk!
:'''Cyborg''': Is there ''meat'' in the tofu?
:'''Beast Boy''': No, there's no meat in tofu, it's ''tofu''!
:'''Cyborg''': Nobody wants it...

==Characters==
===Main===
* [[w:Dick Grayson|Dick Grayson/Robin]]
* [[w:Cyborg (comics)|Victor Stone/Cyborg]]
* [[w:Beast Boy|Garfield Logan/Beast Boy]]
* [[w:Starfire (Teen Titans)|Koriand'r/Starfire]]
* [[w:Raven (DC comics)|Rachel Roth/Raven]]

===Supporting===
* [[w:Deathstroke|Slade]] (6 episodes)
* [[w:Blackfire (DC Comics)|Komand'r/Blackfire]] (debuts in &quot;Sisters&quot;)
* [[w:Garth (comics)|Aqualad]] (debuts in &quot;Deep Six&quot;)
* [[w:Jinx (DC Comics)|Jinx]] (debuts in &quot;Final Exam&quot;)
* [[w:Gizmo (DC Comics)|Gizmo]] (debuts in &quot;Final Exam&quot;)
* [[w:Thunder and Lightning (comics)|Thunder and Lightning]] (debut in &quot;Forces of Nature&quot;)

==External links==
{{wikipedia|Teen Titans (season 1)}}

[[Category:Teen Titans seasons]]
[[Category:Children's television seasons]]</text>
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'''''[[Teen Titans (TV series)|Teen Titans]]''''' Season 1 (2003).

==Episodes 1–13==
=== ''Divide and Conquer'' [1.01] ===
:'''Beast Boy''': You know, Cinderblock, normally, the bad guys break ''out'' of jail.
:'''Robin''': And I can think of five good reasons why you don't want to break in.
:''[Robin leaps across the floor and lands in a crouch.]''
:'''Robin''': One!
:''[Now Starfire swoops and lands.]''
:'''Starfire''': Two!
:''[Beast Boy, as a tiger, lunges in. And when he comes down, he quickly changes into human form.]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Three!
:''[Next, Raven drops in.]''
:'''Raven''': Four!
:''[Finally, Cyborg jumps in.]''
:'''Cyborg''': Five!
:'''Robin''': No matter how you do the math, it all adds up to you going down. So, are you going to go quietly…
:'''Cyborg''': …Or is this gonna get loud? 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Robin''': Want to give this guy the Sonic Boom?
:'''Cyborg''': I got the Sonic if you got the Boom.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Beast Boy''': Jailbreak? I don't see any jailbreak.
:'''Robin''': None of us would have seen one if Cyborg hadn't messed up!
:'''Cyborg''': Me? I messed up nothing! You got in my way!
:'''Robin''': You were too far forward, and Cinderblock got away because of it!
:'''Cyborg''': You saying this is my fault?
:'''Robin''': Want me to say it again?
:'''Starfire''': Stop! No more mean talking!
:'''Beast Boy''': Yeah. If you two are gonna fight, we need time to sell tickets.
:'''Raven''': Cinderblock escaped. No amount of yelling will change that. So stop acting like idiots, and let's go home.
:'''Robin &amp; Cyborg''': Hmph!
:''[They stride away]''
:'''Robin''': Loser.
:'''Cyborg''': Jerk.
:'''Robin &amp; Cyborg''': '''''WHAT'D YOU SAY?!'''''
:'''Robin''': You got a problem, tin man?!
:'''Cyborg''': Yeah! It's four feet tall and smells like cheap hair gel!
:'''Robin''': Well, you're an oversized klutz and your feet smell like motor oil!
:'''Cyborg''': You're bossy, you're rude, you got no taste in music!
:'''Robin''': I don't even know why you're on this team!
:'''Cyborg''': That makes two of us! I '''''QUIT!'''''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Cyborg''': ''[answering machine]'' This is Cyborg. I'm either in the gym, playing GameStation, or kicking bad-guy butt. Leave a message. ''[Beep.]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Come on, Cy, pick up. I know you're there. The phone's built into your arm!
:'''Starfire''': Taste. ''[Starfire puts it into his mouth and he spits it out.]''
:'''Beast Boy''': What is that? Cream of toenails?
:'''Starfire''': Pudding of Sadness. It is what the people of my planet eat when bad things happen. ''[Takes a spoonful herself and then turns to Raven]'' Try. The displeasing taste will ease your troubled mind.
:'''Raven''': My mind is never troubled. People come, people go. It's pointless to be upset about Cyborg.
:''[All the monitors crack; a sudden display of her powers]''
:'''Raven''': What?
:'''Starfire''': Here, Robin. You must need this most of all since… well…
:'''Robin''': I'm fine. Who knows? Maybe we're better off without him.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Cyborg''': I still got the Sonic if you still got the Boom.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Robin &amp; Cyborg''': Teen Titans! Go!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Robin''': Look, uh… sorry about…
:'''Cyborg''': Yeah.
:'''Robin''': So… are we cool?
:'''Cyborg''': Frosty. ''[As they tap fists.]''
:'''Starfire''': You made up! Glorious! I wish to initiate a group hug.
:'''Raven''': Pass.
:'''Beast Boy''': Yeah, yeah, yeah, warm fuzzies all around. But we still gotta stop Cinderblock.
:'''Cyborg''': No, we don't. Thought I'd bring a present, 'case you were still mad.
:''[Cinderblock is wrapped in steel and being hoist up by a crane.]''
:'''Robin''': Thanks. But there is one thing that's still bothering me. Breaking into jail? Using Plasmus to distract us? The whole plan seems to be a little too smart for Cinderblock.
:'''Cyborg''': I've been thinking the same thing.
:'''Robin''': Someone must have been pulling the strings. But who?
:'''Cyborg''': Well, whoever they are… they're no match for the Teen Titans. ''[He and Robin trade a high five.]''
:'''Robin''': I heard that!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Next time, my plans ''will'' succeed. And the Titans ''will'' pay.

=== ''Sisters'' [1.02] ===
:'''Starfire''': ''[Gasps]'' Beautiful, tell me again what they are called?
:'''Robin''': Fireworks.
:'''Starfire''': On my home planet, such explosions would mean the Gordanians were attacking. You are sure certain Earth is not under attack?
:'''Robin''': Positive. Cotton candy? ''[Offers some]''
:'''Starfire''': The last time I ate a ball of cotton, it was white, and it did not taste very-
:'''Robin''': This is different. ''[he pulls off a piece and eats it]''
:'''Starfire''': ''[She eats some]'' Mmmm… ''[Squeal]'' It vanished!
:'''Robin''': ''[Chuckles]'' Yeah, it'll do that.
:'''Starfire''': ''[Sighs]'' When I first came to this planet, I did not think I would ever fit in. Earth was full of strange things. But now, I see that-
:'''Robin''': Here comes the finale! Yes!
:''[In the sky, the display of fireworks are being presented as the finale.]''
:'''Robin''': Whoo-hoo-hoo! Ah, amazing!
:'''Starfire''': Earth is full of amazing things, too.
:'''Robin''': Best planet I've ever been to. ''[a pink squid-like bot flies out of nowhere and grabs Starfire]'' STARFIRE!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Starfire''': Friends! I invite you to join me in the togetherness of a stay-home movie night. I bring you popcorn and non-cotton candies. Tell me, what sort of movie shall we view?
:'''Robin''': Action.
:'''Beast Boy''': Comedy.
:'''Cyborg''': Sci-fi.
:'''Raven''': Horror.
:''[Starfire drops her load of goodies]''
:'''Starfire''': Perhaps a double feature?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Blackfire''': ''[Chuckles]'' Now don't tell me you big tough superheroes are afraid of a little dancing.
:'''Beast Boy''': Betcha Cyborg can do the Robot.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Raven''': This party is pointless.
:'''Goth Boy''': Everything's pointless. Wanna go talk about it?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Starfire''': Perhaps I do not belong here after all.
:'''Robin''': Of course you don't. You belong down there, having fun with the rest of us. What's wrong?
:'''Starfire''': Nothing is wrong. Everything is wonderful. ''[He sits by her.]'' The pounding music and blinding lights are quite enjoyable. Everything is not wonderful. I am happy to see her, but Blackfire rules the video games, and she is able to share very depressing poems, and she knows the cool moves, and she always knows when people are not talking about shovels. ''[sighs.]'' And I am ''nothing'' like her.
:'''Robin''': No, you're not. And I think-
:'''Blackfire''': ''[wearing a bright pink wig]'' How do I look?
:'''Robin''': Pink. Look, can you give us a minute here?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Centauri 2''': By the name of the Grand Centauri Empire, you are all under arrest. ''[pulls out a badge]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Uh, you can't be the good guys. ''We're'' the good guys.
:'''Centauri 2''': And we are Centauri Police.
:'''Centauri 1''': The Tamaranean girl is a liar and a thief! ''[points to Starfire]'' She's committed high crimes throughout the entire Centauri system.
:'''Starfire''': I have never even been to the Centauri Moons.
:'''Robin''': But I know someone who has. 
:''[He takes the necklace off Starfire, showing the gem Blackfire gave her earlier. Starfire gasps.]'' 
:'''Robin''': ''[to the police giving back the necklace]'' You've been chasing the wrong girl. ''[turns to the others]'' Where's Blackfire?
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[sees a dark figure zooming through the sky]'' Uh...
:'''Robin''': Don't worry, Starfire. She won't get away with this!
:'''Starfire''': No, she will ''NOT!''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Starfire''': Hello, sister.
:'''Blackfire''': Aww, you're mad. I know, I should have told you I was leaving, but you know how I hate goodbyes and-
:'''Starfire''': You are a criminal, and you were going to let me take your place in jail!
:'''Blackfire''': Oh… well… yeah.
:'''Starfire''': You will give back what you have stolen and turn yourself over to the police!
:'''Blackfire''': And what will you do if I don't?
:''[Blackfire warms up a starbolt and lets her have it.]''
:'''Blackfire''': I always was the better fighter.
:'''Starfire''': Not anymore!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Robin''': Hey. How are you doing?
:'''Starfire''': I am… sad for my sister.
:'''Robin''': And for yourself?
:'''Starfire''': I am just glad that the truth was discovered before I was replaced.
:'''Robin''': What are you talking about?
:'''Starfire''': Well, you… everyone was having such fun with her, and then Cyborg said-
:'''Robin''': Look. Your sister was... interesting, but she could never take your place. No one could ''ever'' take your place.

=== ''Final Exam'' [1.03] ===
:'''Cyborg''': How could you lose the remote?
:'''Beast Boy''': What makes you so sure I lost it?
:'''Cyborg''': Uh, 'cause you're you.
:'''Beast Boy''': Hey! Just because I lost that video game-
:'''Cyborg''': -and the waffle iron.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Cyborg''': Come on, man, how could you deny me the all-meat experience?
:'''Beast Boy''': Dude, I've ''been'' most of those animals!
:'''Starfire''': I suggest a large pizza with pickles, bananas, and mint frosting.
:'''Robin''': Uh, Starfire, not everything on the menu is a pizza topping.
:'''Starfire''': Oh.
:'''Cyborg''': Double pepperoni!
:'''Beast Boy''': I'm not eating meat!
:'''Cyborg''': There's no meat in pepperoni!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Beast Boy''': Noooo! This is the worst thing that could ever happen! My tunes, they've been... alphabetized. How am l ever gonna find anything?
:'''Raven''': They went in my room. No one should ''ever'' go into my room.    
:'''Starfire''': ''[gasps as she pops up from the kitchen counter]'' Someone has disposed of all our blue furry food!    
:'''Cyborg''': ''[lifts the couch]'' You gotta be kidding me! The whole place gets cleaned and l still can't find the ---    
:''[Robin whistles, and points at the remote, who's in the coffee table.]''
:'''Cyborg''': Ha! ''[sets the couch down. As Robin is switching channels, his teammates sit in the couch]'' l guess we really oughta be training for battles, tracking down clues, and trying to figure out who Slade is, huh?    
:'''Robin''': We will. But right now, l'm just happy to be part of the team.    

=== ''Forces of Nature'' [1.04] ===
''[After Beast Boy accidentally pranks Starfire]''
:'''Starfire''': Is this punishment? I did something wrong?
:'''Raven''': You didn't. ''He'' did.
:'''Beast Boy''': Star, it was... You weren't supposed to... I didn't... Heh, just remember to change that oil every 3,000 miles. Heh heh.
:'''Starfire''': On my planet we have a name for those who do such horrible things! You are a...A ''KLORBAG VARBLENELK!''
:'''Beast Boy''': I'm a what-bag??
:'''Cyborg''': You heard the lady.
:'''Raven''': You are ''such'' a klorbag.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Beast Boy crawls out as a spider from under a pile of rubble that seemingly fell on top of Starfire. Turns back into normal form]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Star? Starfire? Where are you? ''[climbs down]'' Come on! Gimme a sign here! ''[He starts to dig.]'' You have to be alright, okay? 'Cause I-it was just a joke, you know? Back at the Tower, and...I'm sorry. I never said it, but I'm really, really sorry. It was supposed to be funny. And you could've been hurt, and... ''[softly]'' ...I'm a total klorbag. 
:''[A shadow comes over him. Beast Boy looks over his shoulder]'' 
:'''Beast Boy''': Huh?
:''[It is revealed to Starfire who is standing behind him]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Starfire!
:''[Turns into kitten again and jumps into her arms]''
:'''Starfire''': ''[laughs]'' I am glad you are unharmed as well.
:''[Beast Boy takes normal form again]''
:'''Beast Boy''': I am so sorry. You gotta forgive me.
:'''Starfire''': I already have. Now those evil brothers must be made to apologize.
:'''Beast Boy''': I don't think they ''are'' evil. I think they're just like me.

=== ''The Sum of His Parts'' [1.05] ===
:'''Cyborg''': Mmm-mmm. Would you look at that. A little sunshine, a little breeze. Only one thing could make this day better. Four and a half pounds of baby back ribs! Man, I love picnic food!
:'''Starfire''': Agreed, Cyborg. This tangy yellow beverage is truly delightful.
:'''Cyborg''': Um .. Starfire?
:'''Robin''': That's [[wikipedia:Mustard|mustard]].
:'''Starfire''': Is there more?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Starfire''': Cyborg? Cyborg!
:'''Raven''': What's wrong with him?
:'''Beast Boy''': Is he gonna be okay?
:'''Robin''': Shh. I think he's coming to. Cyborg! Are you all right? ''[He and Starfire pulls him up.]''
:'''Cyborg''': Yeah. ''[Grunts]'' Thanks.
:'''Raven''': What happened?
:'''Cyborg''': Something musta gone wrong with my systems. ''[Checks his power cell.]'' Oh, man! My power cell's dying.
:'''Starfire''': Dying?!?
:'''Cyborg''': It's only a battery. I'm fine. Happens every couple of years. Just a natural part of being unnatural.
:'''Robin''': So what do we do?
:'''Cyborg''': You keep playing. I go home and change batteries. ''[He starts walking away.]''
:'''Beast Boy''': You sure you don't want help?
:'''Cyborg''': Just 'cause I can't have fun doesn't mean y'all can't.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fixit''': Charging is complete. The new power cell is functioning properly.
:'''Cyborg''': Yeah. I'm feeling better. Lots better.
:'''Fixit''': Of course you are. I am Fixit. Things come to me broken. I make repairs. Let me see. Yes...yes...hmm...pity. Interesting. The damage is too extensive. Perhaps if we can find another processor.
:'''Cyborg''': Well, thanks...for everything.
:'''Fixit''': You cannot leave.
:'''Cyborg''': I can't?
:'''Fixit''': You are not repaired, not fully.
:'''Cyborg''': I'm not?
:'''Fixit''': My examination revealed many flaws, serious flaws.
:'''Cyborg''': Serious? How serious? What's wrong with me?
:'''Fixit''': There is no cause for alarm. More repairs are needed. More repairs will be made.
:'''Cyborg''': But, I feel fine. Are you sure I'm-?
:'''Fixit''': Quite. Will you remain? It is for the best.
:'''Cyborg''': Well, yeah, I guess. Let me just tell my friends where I am.
:''[Fix it sabotage his systems as he jammed his communications.]''
:'''Cyborg''': Whoa! Something really is wrong with me.
:'''Fixit''': Rest now. You may contact your friends later. I am sure they are not too concerned.
:'''Cyborg''': Maybe they should be.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fixit''': So... beautiful. I had forgotten how beautiful... a world... through your eyes...
:'''Cyborg''': Through ''human'' eyes.

=== ''Nevermore'' [1.06] ===
:'''Beast Boy''': So, where are we?
:'''Cyborg''': You're asking the wrong robot. My sensors must be on the blank cause they're sayin' we're in Titans Tower.
:'''Beast Boy''': Riiight. So how do we get back?
:'''Cyborg''': Guess we start walking.
:'''Beast Boy''': Come on! I'm serious. We're on a rock in the middle of- ''[He gets cut off by rocks forming a path in front of the two]'' Oh. If sending us to Weirdsville is Raven's idea of a joke, I am ''so'' not laughing.
:'''Cyborg''': Hey, she didn't send us here! You're the one who went snooping in her room and popping zits in her magic mirror!
:'''Beast Boy''': Who booby traps a ''mirror?''
:'''Cyborg''': Maybe it wasn't a trap, maybe its Raven's way home. Maybe this is where she's from.
:'''Beast Boy''': Definitely creepy enough.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[After being narrowly saved from falling nevermore by the ground turning 180 degrees]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Raven?! How did-- Where-- What just-- Why are you wearing ''pink?''
:'''Happy Raven''': 'Cause it's my favorite colour?
:'''Beast Boy''': It ''is?''
:'''Cyborg''': Look, I'd love to talk fashion, but I don't suppose you'd know how to get home?
:'''Happy Raven''': The Forbidden Door. It's the only way out. But you don't wanna go there. Not now.
:'''Beast Boy, Cyborg''': Uh... yeah, we do!
:'''Happy Raven''': Okay, but don't say I didn't warn you!
:''[She leads them to the door, pretending to be an aeroplane. Cyborg and Beast Boy follow her]''
:'''Cyborg''': Have you ever seen her ''this'' happy?
:'''Beast Boy''': Dude, I didn't even think Raven could ''do'' happy.

=== ''Switched'' [1.07] ===
:'''Cyborg''': ''[About the puppets]'' Aww, isn't that cute? Puppet Cy has a light-up eye.
:'''Robin''': Yeah. They got all the details just right.
:'''Beast Boy''': Speak for yourself! I'm way better looking than ''this''. And taller.
:'''Raven''': Someone certainly has a lot of time on their hands.
:'''Starfire''': ''[giggles]'' I have never seen such a whimsical device. ''[voicing puppet Starfire]'' &quot;Hello, Starfire&quot;. ''[normal voice]'' Hello, tiny wooden replica of Starfire!
:'''Beast Boy''': Dude, my puppet is totally kicking your puppet's butt!
:'''Robin''': Not for long. 
:''[his puppet pushes Beast Boy's puppet and it accidentally hits Cyborg's puppet]''
:'''Cyborg''': You wanna piece of me little man?
:'''Robin''': Come on, show me whatcha got, Beast Boy!
:'''Raven''': Boys...
:'''Starfire''': Shall my tiny replica do battle with your tiny replica?
:'''Raven''': ''[tosses her puppet to her]'' Knock yourself out.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Starfire''': ''[voiceover; whispering]'' The boys! Raven, what are we gonna…?
:''[Raven, now in Starfire's body, pulls on a string, turning the light on. She stares at Starfire, who is in her own body]''
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': Starfire?
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Raven?! ''[gasps]'' You're me! ''[gasps again as she looks at herself]'' And I'm you!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Oh, Raven, this is awful! ''Terribly'', ''horribly'' awful!
:''[As Raven climbs out, they walk down a path. Starfire gradually panics as she talks, causing the black telekinesis to bend three parking meters, makes two boxes shoot out sheets of newspaper like geysers, and a mailbox to melt]''
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': Tell me about it.
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Very well. Robin, Cyborg and Beast Boy have been trapped inside tiny wooden bodies, while a nasty creature called the Puppet King has taken control of their real bodies, which he's using to hunt us down, and you and I are in the wrong bodies, and… ''[gasps as Raven puts her hand on her shoulder]''
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': Starfire! You have to calm down. My powers are driven by emotions. The more you feel, the more energy you unleash.
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': But what if they find us? What if our friends are doomed? And what if I'm stuck, looking like this forever?! 
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': We'll fix it. I don't know how, but we'll rescue the boys, and we'll get our bodies back. What's wrong with the way I look?
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Nothing.
:''[As Starfire holds her hands up, a walk sign explodes]''
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': I'll try to calm down. ''[closes her eyes as she sighs, then spreads her arms out]'' Peace, quiet, tranquil…
:''[A blast causes a car to get launched in the air, then crash lands on its roof on the road]''
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': We're so doomed.
:''[An eagle screech from Beast Boy as an eagle. The duo look up as Starfire points]''
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Beast Boy!
:''[He dives in after the girls]''
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': You mean ''zombie'' Beast Boy. &lt;big&gt;'''''Run!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:''[The girls run in an alley. Still in Starfire's body, Raven flaps her arms and jumps, as if trying to fly]''
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': Fly! Fly!
:''[The girls slow to a walk]''
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': We cannot fight them again. I do not wish to, and in our present condition we would surely be defeated!
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': OK, how do you fly this thing?
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': You must ''feel'' flight. 
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': What? 
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': When you feel the unbridled joy of flight, you will fly!
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': Unbridled joy...Not really my thing. 
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Look!
:''[They spot zombie Beast Boy]''
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': What do I have to feel to use star bolts?
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Righteous fury!
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': Your alien strength?
:'''Starfire ''[in Raven's body]''''': Boundless confidence!
:'''Raven ''[in Starfire's body]''''': Never mind.

=== ''Deep Six'' [1.08] ===
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[In reply to Starfire's comment about the marine life]'' If you think ''that's'' cool, wait till you see me out there kicking butt! First, I'm goin' shark. 
:''[He starts snapping his jaws, mimicking a shark. Cyborg presses the 'off' switch controlling Beast Boy's microphone]''
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[Now muffled]'' Hey! What just...is this thing on?! Hey, cut it out!
:'''Cyborg''': ''[Turns it back on]'' Goodness me, I seem to have accidentally switched off Beast Boy's microphone.
:'''Raven''': Could you go ahead and accidentally ''leave'' it off?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[As a squid, chasing the Titans as they sink]'' I got it, I got it! ''[Two whales pass him]'' Huh? ''[The two whales save the Titans]'' ''They'' got it? How come ''they'' got it?
:'''Aqualad''': Because I asked for their help.
:'''Beast Boy''': You talk to fish? Yeah right!
:'''Aqualad''': I'm talking to you, aren't I?
:'''Beast Boy''': Well I, uh... technically I'm a squid.

=== ''Masks'' [1.09] ===
:'''Robin''': Tell Slade if he wants this, he can come get it himself!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Robin''': Now talk! Who's Slade? Why does he want this chip? And why are you working...for...him?
:'''Slade''': Excellent work, Robin.
:'''Robin''': Slade!
:'''Slade''': Really, I think your skills are improving.
:'''Robin''': No more games! What do you want?
:'''Slade''': But you do lack patience. If you're really so curious about my intentions, perhaps we should meet face to face.
:'''Robin''': Tell me where you're hiding and I'll be there in a heartbeat!
:'''Slade''': Patience, Robin. Patience.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Beast Boy''': O.K, all work and no flicks makes me a dull Beast Boy. So my fellow couch potatoes, what'll it be? Super Ninja Showdown 8? Or Maniac Fury: Attack of the Protozoids?
:'''Raven''': ''[Sarcastically]'' Gee. They both sound so good.
:'''Cyborg''': Yeah, it's really hard to pick. Wanna watch 'em both?!
:'''Starfire''': Perhaps Robin would enjoy potatoing the couch with us? Tell me, is he-?
:'''Beast Boy''': -In the exact same place he's been since his little chat session with Slade? Uh, yeah.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Starfire''': Robin? I am wondering if you might wish to-
:'''Robin''': No... thanks. But I need to figure out why Slade wanted that chip.
:'''Starfire''': Agreed; and perhaps if you were to take a break, the answer would be easier to-
:'''Robin''': I can't. You almost got hurt. Next time could be worse. He's planning something; I have to find out what.
:'''Starfire''': But Robin, I am sure that- ''[he closes the door]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Red X''': Rumor has it, you're interested in this.
:'''Slade''': I'm interested in many things, Mr. …
:'''Red X''': X. Red X.
:'''Slade''': Hmmm. Catchy. So, are you proposing a sale or a gift?
:'''Red X''': A partnership. I give you the chip, you cut me in on your plans.
:'''Slade''': Partnership. My, my, we are ambitious. But an alliance cannot be forged from one small chip. If you're going to win my trust, I'll require more.
:'''Red X''': Just tell me what you want.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Impressive, Red X. I tapped into the security cameras to catch your performance. You treated the Titans to quite a show.
:'''Red X''': Glad you enjoyed it. Is the audition over?
:'''Slade''': Patience. Trust is easy to destroy, but it takes time to build. One last test. Prove yourself and we'll meet to discuss your future.
:'''Red X''': Good.
:''[He takes the mask off, revealing himself to be Robin.]''
:'''Robin''': It's about time we met face to face.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Excellent work. Honestly, I couldn't have done better myself.
:'''Red X''': So, do we have a deal?
:'''Slade''': Indeed. You and I are so very much alike. It seems only natural that we should be partners.
:'''Red X''': What are they for? I need to know what we're planning… partner.
:'''Slade''': Patience. You can't expect me to trust you with such sensitive information right away… can you… ''Robin?''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Careful. I wouldn't want you getting hurt.
:'''Robin''': I'm not the one who's going to get hurt. Now hand them over!
:'''Slade''': Robin. I thought we had a deal.
:'''Robin''': Sorry. I have a strict rule against giving stolen technology to psychos.
:'''Slade''': How very noble of you. But stealing in order to trap me? That wasn't so noble. Two wrongs don't make a-
:'''Robin''': Don't ever lecture me! Whatever you're planning, Slade, it's over!
:'''Slade''': On the contrary, Robin, it's just begun.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Robin''': You… ''saved'' me?
:'''Slade''': I'm not through with you.
:''[He hauls Robin back up and tosses him across the rooftop. The brawl starts all over again, until Robin seems to have the upper hand.]''
:'''Robin''': This ends ''now!''
:''[He pulls the man's mask off. It's revealed to be another robot.]''
:'''Slade''': Patience, Robin. We'll meet face to face some other time. Oh, and speaking of time…
:''[The timer is set as the robot was about to self-destruct.]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Heh. At least he didn't get the chips.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Robin''': You want to yell at me, too? Everyone else has, and I don't blame them.
:'''Starfire''': I do not wish to yell, merely to understand. Robin, why did you not tell us the truth?
:'''Robin''': I needed to fool Slade. If you guys knew it was me under that mask, you guys would have held back. Doesn't matter anyway, Slade figured it out, and I haven't figured anything out about him.
:'''Starfire''': That is not true. Whoever Slade is, you and he are... similar. He did not trust you... and you did not trust us.

=== ''Mad Mod'' [1.10] ===
:'''Cyborg''': Make him laugh!
:'''Starfire''': ''[to Beast Boy]'' How many okarins does it take to hogie a morflark? Fimbar! Um... boogers?
:'''Beast Boy''': Hahahahaha! Boogers! Oh, man!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Starfire''': I cannot awaken Beast Boy. I have tried the tickling, all manners of bodily noises, and the word &quot;underpants&quot;. I fear that this time his brain is gone forever.
:'''Raven''': Beast Boy ''had'' a brain?
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[wakes up and laughs]'' Ha ha! Good one! ''[stops]'' Dude, that's not funny! I totally have a brain! I just don't use it much...

=== ''Car Trouble'' [1.11] ===
:'''Cyborg''': You lost my car?... My car lost a race?!
:'''Thief''': No way, we beat him easy. She handled like a dream!
:'''Cyborg''': She did? How'd she take the curves 'cause, Y'know, I've been working on the suspension, and-d-d-d-d- Don't try to distract me! Who has her now?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Raven''': Fourteen milkshakes. Not a good sign.
:'''Cyborg''': What are you doing here?
:'''Raven''': Looking for your car. Soon as we turned Overload in to the police, we all split up to search the city.
:'''Cyborg''': Might as well stop looking. T-Car’s probably halfway to Metropolis by now... from the day I designed her, I knew she was gonna be special. And I work so hard every fuel injector every spark plug. I made her perfect. I put my heart, my soul, and my circuits into this car. And now she's gone forever. Maybe you were right, maybe it was just a car.
:'''Raven''': Maybe. Maybe not. When I use my powers, I have to put a little of my soul into whatever I'm moving. I become a part of it, and it becomes a part of me. That's kinda what happened here. It wasn't just a car. It was… your baby.
:'''Cyborg''': Yeah. Thanks, Rae.
:''[Raven smiles]''
:'''Raven''': And someone's eating onion rings in your baby.
:'''Cyborg''': ''[Sees Gizmo drive off in his car]'' He'll get ketchup on the seats!

=== ''Apprentice'' ===
==== Part 1 [1.12] ====
:'''Slade''': Dangerous behavior, Robin. You must be very eager to see me. I'm flattered.
:'''Robin''': I'm not here to see you. I'm here to stop you.
:'''Slade''': Hmm. But how can you stop me, when you don't even know what I'm planning?
:'''Robin''': Like this.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Excellent, Robin. We appear to be evenly matched and equally ruthless. Not surprising. You and I are so very much alike.
:'''Robin''': I'm ''nothing'' like you! You're a criminal, a psychopath! All you care about is destruction!
:'''Slade''': And all you care about, you ''destroy''. ''[Showing the crumbled rocks that look like the Titans.]''
:'''Robin''': No... who are you?! ''[He rips off Slade's mask, revealing his own face laughing evilly. He wakes up]''
:'''Cyborg''': ''[offscreen]'' It's him. ''[He's behind the door.]'' It's Slade.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': ''[On computer screen]'' Good morning, Teen Titans. I do hope I didn't wake you.
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[Yawning]'' What are you, an insomniac? Who calls at five in the morning-? ''[Raven elbows him]''
:'''Robin''': What do you want?
:'''Slade''': Well, that's precisely what you've been trying to find out, isn't it? And in spite of all your efforts, you're still in the dark about my intentions. Disappointing, Robin. I expected a little more from you.
:'''Robin''': Like I care what you-
:'''Slade''': But since you've been unable to discover my plan, I suppose I'll just have to reveal it myself. I'm sure you're all familiar with the concept of a Chronoton Detonator...
:'''Cyborg''': No!
:'''Starfire''': ''[Gasps]''
:'''Raven''': Uh-oh.
:'''Beast Boy''': No way! ...um, what's a crouton detonator?
:'''Starfire''': It eradicates all chronotons within a localized area, utterly destroying the temporal component of the space-time continuum.
:'''Beast Boy''': Hmm?
:'''Raven''': It stops time. Permanently. 
:''[Beast Boy faints.]''
:'''Cyborg''': If he triggers that thing downtown, it'll freeze-frame the entire city.
:'''Robin''': Tell me where!
:'''Slade''': You're a clever boy, Robin. I'm sure you and your little friends can figure it out. However, since I control the detonation, time is not on your side.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Hurry, young Titans. Your time is running out.
:'''Robin''': ''[appearing behind Slade]'' Actually… we just went into overtime.
:'''Slade''': Robin. Welcome. I've been expecting you for some time. I was beginning to wonder if Cinderblock was too much of a challenge. Looking for this? Well… here it is. If you want it, come and take it.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Come now, Robin. You'll have to do better than that. I haven't even broken a sweat.
:''[As Robin is terminated to win, Slade grabs his hand as his counter move]''
:'''Slade''': Good technique.
:''[Slade bends his arm and throws Robin across the room.]''
:'''Slade''': Good, but not perfect.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': I understand your frustration, Robin. You hate losing as much as I do. One of the many qualities we have in common.
:''[Robin knocks Slade down, he picks up the remote]''
:'''Robin''': It's over, Slade!
:'''Slade''': On the contrary, Robin.
:'''Robin''': Huh?
:''[It breaks apart in his hand.]''
:'''Slade''': This is only the beginning.
:'''Robin''': Where's the real trigger?
:'''Slade''': Trigger? There is no trigger. Because there is no detonator.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Nanoscopic probes. The Chronoton Detonator was merely the bait for a much larger trap. You see, with the push of a button… ''[He shows that his thumb it's on the trigger]'' …my probes will destroy your friends from the inside out.
:'''Robin''': You can't control them. No matter what you threaten, they'll never obey you.
:'''Slade''': This isn't about your friends, Robin. It's about you. It's always been about you.
:'''Robin''': What?
:'''Slade''': Sending trouble your way. Leaving cryptic clues for you to unravel. I was testing you. For some time now, I have been searching for… an apprentice. Someone to follow in my footsteps. And Robin, I've chosen you. Congratulations.
:'''Robin''': No way would I ever work for-
:''[Slade shows Robin the kill switch attempting to use it]''
:'''Slade''': If you join me… if you swear to serve me… if you never speak to your friends again… I will allow them to live. But… if you disobey even the smallest request… I will ''annihilate'' them, Robin - and I will make you ''watch''. So, do we have a deal?

:''[Closing line]''
:'''Slade''': I know it seems bad now. But trust me, you'll learn to like it.

==== Part 2 [1.13] ====
:'''Starfire''': Robin? Robin! Please, Robin, where are you?
:'''Raven''': Starfire, enough. You've been calling for forty-five minutes.
:'''Starfire''': Perhaps if I just try one more-
:'''Beast Boy''': Come on, Star. If he's gonna pick up, he'd have done it by now. Besides, you're kinda giving me a headache.
:'''Starfire''': But why does he not respond? Where could he be?
:'''Cyborg''': Robin and Cinderblock definitely went a few rounds, but I can't tell who won, or where they went.
:'''Raven''': No sign of him here, either. His locator is still offline. I've been monitoring all the frequencies, but he hasn't checked in. 
:'''Starfire''': Oh, we are bad friends! We should never have left Robin to do battle alone.
:'''Beast Boy''': Yeah, especially since Slade's big doodad was a dud.
:'''Raven''': The Chronoton Detonator wasn't a dud. It was a decoy to lure us away from Robin, and we fell for it.
:'''Cyborg''': I shoulda known that thing was a fake!
:'''Starfire''': But why? Why did Slade wish to separate us from Robin?
:'''Beast Boy''': And if the detonator was a decoy…
:'''Raven''': …what was Slade's real plan?
:'''Cyborg''': Titans! Trouble!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Excellent, Robin. I'm pleased. You're already proving to be the perfect apprentice.
:'''Robin''': This deal can't last forever.
:'''Slade''': It can. And it will. The Titans still have no idea that my Chronoton Detonator was more than a decoy. Now that my probes are inside their bodies, they could remain undetected for years, decades. Unless, of course, you disobey me, and I decide to destroy your former friends with a push of the button.
:'''Robin''': Sooner or later, you'll let your guard down. I ''will'' get that controller, and the instant they're out of danger, ''you will pay''.
:'''Slade''': That sounds like a threat, young man. Quite a good threat, actually. Betrayal, destruction, revenge. We really do think alike. I monitored your vital signs during the mission. Elevated heart rate, adrenaline, endorphins. You won't admit it, but at some level, you ''enjoyed'' stealing for me. It was a thrill, wasn't it? You're going to keep stealing, Robin. And you're going to keep getting that thrill. And sooner or later, you will see things my way. Who knows? I might even become like a father to you.
:'''Robin''': I already have a father.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Cyborg''': You're not walking outta here, Robin! Not without a fight. Titans! ''Go!''
:''[As the Titans are ready to fight him, Robin dodges their attacks and escape through the air vents to go to the roof]''
:'''Slade''':''[through earpiece]'' Not so fast, Robin. You have yet to achieve your objective.
:'''Robin''': The device was too heavily guarded. I'll have to steal it another-
:'''Slade''': ''NO!'' Go back. Unless you want me to destroy them, go back and fight.
:'''Cyborg''': Robin! Look, I don't know what's going on, but we don't want to fight.  We just want to talk.
:''[Robin uses a high flying kick that drives Cyborg back past the other three.]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Guess there's nothing to talk about.
:''[Beast Boy tries to take him down, but Robin manages to pin him on the 'A' in Wayne Enterprise sign.]''
:'''Starfire''': Please-
:''[He runs pass her to fight the others instead.]''
:'''Cyborg''': ''[aiming his proton cannon]'' Don't make me…
:''[He powers it down]''
:''[While Raven and Cyborg tries to subdue Robin, Beast Boy escapes the sign letter as a snake and then turns into a bullhorn sheep and rams him]''
:'''Beast Boy''': Dude! Are you okay?
:''[He then kicks BB and hurls him at Cyborg.]''
:'''Slade''': Fight to win, Robin. Use the thermal blaster.
:'''Raven''': Azarath, Metrion, ZINTHOS!
:''[She uses spell lifts up and binds Robin. However, he scales a disc at her and explodes on the sign causing in her face a blinding flash.]''
:'''Raven''': I…can't…see!
:''[Raven falls to the roof]''
:'''Starfire''': No! 
:''[Cyborg is blocking Robin’s punches.]''
:'''Cyborg''': Come on, man, don't make me do this! I don't want to do this!
:''[Activates the weapon again. Robin low foot sweeps him, making Cyborg lose his balance. Robin goes to run off the top of the building, only to be stopped by Starfire raising her starbolt at him.]''
:'''Starfire''': ''Stop!'' Do. Not. Move.
:'''Slade''': I thought I told you to use that blaster. Attack! ''Now!''
:''[Robin raises the weapon and points it on Starfire.]''
:'''Starfire''': Robin, you are my best friend. I cannot be in a world where we must fight. If you are truly evil, then go ahead. ''[She lowers her arm.]'' Do what you must.
:'''Robin''': ''[He lowers his arm as well.]'' Starfire, no! I- ''[the earpiece screeches feedback in his ear]''
:'''Slade''': ''ROBIN!'' I gave you an order. If ''you'' won't attack, my probes ''will''.
:''[He pushes the button. The nano probes slowly begins to kill Starfire]''
:'''Robin''': Starfire!
:''[He sees that it's also happening to the other Titans too.]''
:'''Robin''': ''Stop! Please stop!''
:'''Slade''': Attack, Robin. It's the only way to save them. Attack with everything you've got. 
:'''Starfire''': Robin… 
:'''Robin''': ''[He points the blaster down at her and whispers]'' I’m sorry. ''[He fires.]''
:'''Slade''': That's my boy.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Thrilling. My apprentice is progressing even faster than I had hoped. All he needed was a little motivation.
:'''Robin''': Motivate ''THIS''!
:''[Slade counters and hurls Robin towards the ground.]''
:'''Slade''': Robin. That was vicious, dishonorable, and ruthless. '''Excellent work.''' You're becoming more like me every second.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': Good, Robin. You're doing much better than last time. A few more years of training, and you might actually pose a threat.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': You're going to wish you hadn't done that.
:'''Robin''': I only wish I'd done it sooner. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Slade''': I have much to teach you. But the first thing you need to learn is gratitude.
:''[Robin tries for another go at the kill switch, but Slade seizes his arm and bends it back past the shoulder before dumping him onto his back.]''
:'''Slade''': I made you my apprentice. All my knowledge, all my power, all for you. But the only thing you care about is your WORTHLESS, LITTLE. '''FRIENDS!!!''' ''[They both get up]'' If the Titans are so distracting, maybe I should just get rid of them.
:'''Robin''': Don't. I'll do whatever you say.
:'''Slade''': Good boy. And, from now on, I'd like you to call me Master.
:''[A starbolt blasts him away to land right in front of the monitors]''
:'''Starfire''': Leave. Him. '''Alone...!'''
:'''Slade''': Robin! ''Attack!''
:'''Robin''': Get out of here! Go! You don't know what those beams did to-
:'''Beast Boy''': Dude…
:'''Raven''': …We know…
:'''Cyborg''': …And we don't ''care''.
:'''Starfire''': We are your ''friends'', Robin. We are ''not'' leaving without you.
:'''Slade''': How very touching. ''[puts his finger on the button]'' But Robin doesn't need any friends.
:''[He presses it, bringing the rapparatus to life; red energy bolts blaze out across the space. The Titans collapse on the ground]''
:'''Slade''': This is the price for your disobedience, Robin. Now do as I command. ''Attack!''
:'''Robin''': No. ''[He dashes off.]''
:'''Slade''': Robin!
:''[Robin runs towards the device and gets himself infected with nano probes. His name and infected bloodstream appear on a 5th monitor]''
:'''Robin''': '''New deal, Slade.''' If I lose my friends, you lose your apprentice. '''And I know how you hate to lose.'''
:''[Robin falls down on his knees as he continues to die slowly. Slade destroys the kill switch and he tries to attack again, but Robin quickly counters his move, leaving him flying across the room.]''
:'''Robin''': Titans! ''Go!''
:''[Beast Boy, now a tiger, is first to do damage with a clawed swipe that pierces the armor. Cyborg and Starfire move in next, starbolts and cannon going full throttle to blast Slade backward. As he tumbles, Raven casts a spell to bind his feet and sling him hard onto the platform. Robin delivers a flying kick on his masked face. The right half of his mask drops away and skids across the floor, and he now stands up with one big hand covering the exposed portion of his visage. He turns and runs off.]''
:'''Slade''': Another day, Robin. ''Another day''.
:''[The whole lair was set to self-destruct. Slade gets away, and before the Titans can leave, Cyborg grabs the device that contains a solution to get rid of the probs inside them.]''
:'''Robin''': Let's go home.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[hooked up to a probe removal machine]'' Am I done yet?
:'''Cyborg''': That's it, y'all. The Teen Titans are officially probe-free.
:'''Beast Boy''': ''[Doing &quot;the robot&quot;]'' YEAH! Go, Beast Boy, you're probeless, no probes now, go Beast Boy, go Beast Boy... get funky! ''[Moonwalks]'' Uh-uh, that's right...
:'''Raven''': Um...I know this isn't my style, but we just kicked Slade's butt. Shouldn't we celebrate or something?
:'''Beast Boy''': Yeah!
:'''Cyborg''': All-you-can-eat…
:'''Beast Boy''': …free-form…
:'''Beast Boy and Cyborg''': Breakfast explosion!
:'''Raven''': Sorry I asked.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Robin''': Everything okay?
:'''Starfire''': I am sorry.
:'''Robin''': ''You're'' sorry? For what?
:'''Starfire''': When things were bad, there was a moment where I truly believed that you were...like Slade. I doubted you. And for that, I am sorry.
:'''Robin''': I doubted myself, Star. Focused, serious, determined...as much as I hate to admit it, he and I are kind of alike. But there's one big difference between me and Slade. ''[Smiles]'' He doesn't have any friends.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Beast Boy''': Who wants tofu waffles?
:'''Cyborg''': Man, nobody wants tofu waffles.
:'''Beast Boy''': I do. Pass me the soy milk.
:'''Cyborg''': I'm telling you, you're not getting anywhere near the soy milk.
:'''Beast Boy''': Man, pass me the soy milk!
:'''Cyborg''': Is there ''meat'' in the tofu?
:'''Beast Boy''': No, there's no meat in tofu, it's ''tofu''!
:'''Cyborg''': Nobody wants it...

==Characters==
===Main===
* [[w:Dick Grayson|Dick Grayson/Robin]]
* [[w:Cyborg (comics)|Victor Stone/Cyborg]]
* [[w:Beast Boy|Garfield Logan/Beast Boy]]
* [[w:Starfire (Teen Titans)|Koriand'r/Starfire]]
* [[w:Raven (DC comics)|Rachel Roth/Raven]]

===Supporting===
* [[w:Deathstroke|Slade]] (6 episodes)
* [[w:Blackfire (DC Comics)|Komand'r/Blackfire]] (debuts in &quot;Sisters&quot;)
* [[w:Garth (comics)|Aqualad]] (debuts in &quot;Deep Six&quot;)
* [[w:Jinx (DC Comics)|Jinx]] (debuts in &quot;Final Exam&quot;)
* [[w:Gizmo (DC Comics)|Gizmo]] (debuts in &quot;Final Exam&quot;)
* [[w:Thunder and Lightning (comics)|Thunder and Lightning]] (debut in &quot;Forces of Nature&quot;)

==External links==
{{wikipedia|Teen Titans (season 1)}}

[[Category:Teen Titans seasons]]
[[Category:Children's television seasons]]</text>
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    <title>Minions (film)</title>
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'''''[[w:Minions (film)|Minions]]''''' is a 2015 American 3D computer-animated comedy film and a spin-off prequel to the [[w:Despicable Me (franchise)|''Despicable Me'' franchise]]. Produced by [[w:Illumination (company)|Illumination Entertainment]] for [[w:Universal Studios|Universal Pictures]], the film was written by [[w:Brian Lynch (writer)|Brian Lynch]], directed by [[w:Pierre Coffin|Pierre Coffin]] and [[w:Kyle Balda|Kyle Balda]] and produced by [[w:Chris Meledandri|Chris Meledandri]] and [[w:Janet Healy|Janet Healy]]. The film was first foreshadowed in the ending credits of ''[[Despicable Me 2]]'', where Stuart, Kevin and Bob, three of the Minions, are seen auditioning for the film.

''Minions'' premiered on June 11, 2015, in [[London]] and was released in the United States on July 10, 2015 to mixed reviews and has grossed over $433,000,000.

{{center|'''''Go back to where it all began.''''' {{small|([[#Taglines|taglines]])}}}}

==Scarlet Overkill==
*It’s red hot.
* Doesn't it feel so good to be bad?
* ''[after seeing Herb's card, reading &quot;I missed you! H.&quot;]'' Herb, seriously, I want to dig up that William Shakespeare so he can see what true writing is. I love it!
* Who is that organist? She is good! Right? Is that Edna over there? Edna!
* Kevin, Kevin, I know you're out there. You think you've gotten away? Well, what do we have here? ''[holds up Bob and Stuart, with their mouths taped up and hands tied behind their backs] ['''Kevin:''' Bob? Stuart?!]'' Oh, my goodness! Which one shall I kill first? Little Bob? Stuart? Bob?! Stuart?! Hmm?! I will do it, Kevin, if you are not back here by dawn! ''[angrily kicks the camera]'' ['''The Queen''': Oh my.]
* Bye-bye, Say bye-bye, Bob, Bye-bye!
* And so help me. I never want to see another one of your goofy buttered faces ever again!
* ENOUGH! This…ends… NOW!
* Ha-ha-ha, your imbecile. Have fun exploding.
* Got to get out of here! Let… us… go!
* No, no no no…

==Herb Overkill==
* Hypno-Hat! ''[gives Stuart the hat]''
* This is gonna be so FUN!
* Prepare for torture which I do!
* This is torture! ''[the Minions play with a hangman's noose]'' Guys, cut it out! This is really unprofessional!
* Come on, come on. Life on two! One, two! One, two-

==Others==
* '''Minion''': ''[as a primitive caveman is about to hit a bear with a club]'' No, no, no! Piñata! ''[the Minions cheers as the primitive hits the bear with a fly swatter, then the bear eats him alive as the Minions screamed in terror]''
* '''Tina''': Can you breathe underwater?
* '''Frankie Fishlips''': ''[as Scarlet declares that all the villains have one thing in common]'' WE WERE BORN WITH FLIPPERS! … No? Just me? Okay.
* '''A man''': So cool! ''[pushes the minions back onto the stage]''
* '''Keeper of the Crown''': So, you came for the queen’s crown, did you?
* '''Edna''': Who was that? ''['''Scarlet''': You are very good!]''
* '''One of the villains''': ''[while he’s right behind them minions]'' Come back here, you!
* '''Someone from the Crowd''': She lost the crown!

==Dialogue==
:'''Scarlet''': Do you know who this is? ''[points at Protret Queen Elizabeth]''
:'''Kevin''': ''Uh... la cucaracha?''
:'''Scarlet''': This is Queen Elizabeth, ruler of England. I love England. Their music, the fashion. I'm seriously thinking about overthrowing it someday. Anyway. This pale drink of water oversees it all. I'm her biggest fan, loved her work. And I really, really, really want her crown!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Scarlet''': Steal me the crown, and all your dreams come true. RESPECT POWER!
:'''Stuart''': BANANA!
:'''Scarlet''': BANANA!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Herb''': Woah! These guys are pumped!
:'''Scarlet''': Maybe I'll settle them down with a bedtime story. How does that sound, Bob? Bob?, Bob? ''[screaming louder]'' BOB?
:'''Bob''': ''Bedtime story?''
:'''Herb''': That is a groovy idea! I'll get some cookies and warm milk. This is gonna be so fun!
:''[Bob asks Scarlet if she has a good bedtime story]''
:'''Scarlet''': Oh, yes. I've got a really really really good ''bedtime story. [beginning to count the history]'' Once upon a time, there were 3 little pigs. One fateful day, the pigs encountered a big, bad wolf who had a wonderful surprise for them. The wolf offered the 3 piggies and all their friends a job working for her. Everyone would be so happy. All the 3 little piggies had to do was just steal one little crown that the beautiful wolf had wanted ever since she was a penniless little street cub, unloved and abandoned… but that crown would mean she was a princess, and everybody loves the princess, so the wolf sent the piggies to get that crown... but the little piggies weren't up to the challenge. They ''failed'' their mission, so the wolf huffed and puffed, and she blew them off the face of the earth! The end. ''[Kevin and Stuart are scared]'' Good luck getting that crown tomorrow, little piggies. I know you won't disappoint me. ''[the light turns off while they look at Bob sleeping]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Keeper of the Crown (who's blinded)''': So… you came for the queen's crown, did ya? Well, you're gonna have to get through me! The keeper of her crown!
:''[Kevin, Stuart and Bob laugh because the tower guard is in the wrong direction]''
:'''Kevin''': ''[speaks Minionese mockingly while the keeper hits him in the head with a cane] Oye yoi yoi yoi yoi. Ow, hey!''
:'''Keeper of the Crown''': You think it's funny to mock the elderly, do ya?!
:'''Kevin''': ''Uh... si? [the tower guard hits Kevin in the head] Augh!''
:'''Keeper of the Crown''': I've been up here for decades… ''[hits Kevin right between his legs with his cane while he screams]'' ...Just waiting for someone to try and steal the Queen's treasure! ''[wacks Kevin to the wall with his cane]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Queen Elizabeth II''': ''[beats up Stuart]'' Gentleman... do... not... steal... ladies'... crowns...!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Bob''': King Bob!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[in a spa, with two fire hydrants]''
:'''Stuart''': Ah, Claire. Ooh, Tiffany. Mi bellas! Rawr. ''[kisses them]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Scarlet''': ''[furiously]'' How dare you! ''[gets hit by a ball]'' Aaaaaahhhhh! ''[pounced on by a corgi, who licks her, but Scarlet throws the corgi back onto the floor, scaring the painter, corgi whimpers.]''
:'''Kevin''': ''[relieved] Scarlet!''
:'''Scarlet''': ''[gets mad at the Minions]'' Don't you &quot;Scarlet&quot; me, you backstabbing little traitors! Using Herb's invention to steal my crown?!
:'''Herb''': I feel used. Not gonna lie.
:'''Scarlet''': You stole my dream. ''I'' was going to conquer England someday. There was going to be a coronation, and I was going to be made queen. ''Every'' moment was planned. I’d wear a dress so sparkly it glowed, and everyone who ''ever'' doubted me would be watching and they would be crying. I was going to be the picture of ''elegance'' and ''class'', and you ''pinheads'' screwed it up!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Herb''': Scarlet, you're okay!
:'''Scarlet''': ''[enraged]'' HE TRIED TO KILL ME!!!!!!
:'''Kevin''': Uh, no, no... ''[speaks Minionese]''
:'''Scarlet''': Villains, this is no longer a coronation, it is an execution! Get them! 
:'''Villains''': ''[as they start running]'' YAAAAH! 
:''[The Minions flee from the villains who fang them right out. They run/squeeze through many people, cuts to Walter, Madge and Binky]''
:'''Walter''': Whoa, Nelly! Run, fellas! Run! ''[the minions run through stained glass windows with three humans on them and then the villains run through the wall as the chase continues outside the city on the road. Rain pours from the night sky, the minions are panting as the villains are right behind them as they throw their weapons as some run on the roofs; one villain laughs evilly and thunder and lightning crashes above them]''
:'''One of the villains''': Come back here, you!
:'''Mr. Spikey''': ''[gets picked up by a villain]'' Whoa! ''[the villain throws it for the minions as they take cover in a phone booth. The minions whimper while hiding as a villain with a chainsaw looms over them]''
:'''The Villain''': ''[shows his five fingers, then starts his chainsaw, the Minions run back outside through the door making the cause continue]'' Hahahaha!
:'''Cowboy''': Ya! ''[Uses his lasso on a light pole. Stuart holds the lasso for Kevin to make the way through and trips over some men]''
:''[The minions come to a stop]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Scarlet''': Kevin, Kevin, I know you're out there. You think you've gotten away? Well, what do we have here? ''[holds up Bob and Stuart, with their mouths taped up and hands tied behind their backs] 
:'''Kevin''': Bob? Stuart?!
:'''Scarlet''':'' Oh, my goodness! Which one shall I kill first? Little Bob? Stuart? Bob?! Stuart?! Hmm?! I will do it, Kevin, if you are not back here by dawn! ''[angrily kicks the camera]''
:'''The Queen''': Oh my!
:'''Kevin''': Oh no!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Kevin acidentally turns into a giant]''
:'''Kevin''': '''BELLO.''' ''[All flee]'' '''HUH? LE BUDDIES?'''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Kevin''': Bob! Shoota hatta dona.
:'''Bob''': Si la.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Gru''': Freeze ray!

==Taglines==
* Uh, oh.
* Meet Stuart, Kevin &amp; Bob
* Go back to where it all began.
* Before Gru, they had a history of bad bosses
* It's going to be a blast.

==Voice Cast==
* [[w:Pierre Coffin|Pierre Coffin]] — The Minions
* Narrated by [[Geoffrey Rush]]
* [[Sandra Bullock]] — Scarlet Overkill
* [[w:Jon Hamm|Jon Hamm]] — Herb Overkill
* [[Michael Keaton]] — Walter Nelson
* [[w:Allison Janney|Allison Janney]] — Madge Nelson
* [[Steve Coogan]] — Professor Flux, Tower Guard
* [[w:Jennifer Saunders|Jennifer Saunders]] — The Queen
* [[w:Steve Carell|Steve Carell]] — Felonious Gru

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{Wikipedia-inline|Minions (film)|''Minions'' (film)}}
*{{IMDb title|2293640|Minions}}

{{Despicable Me}}

{{Authority control}}

[[Category:2015 computer-animated films]]
[[Category:2015 American animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:American 3D animated films]]
[[Category:Despicable Me]]
[[Category:Prequel films]]
[[Category:Film spin-offs]]
[[Category:Animated films about dinosaurs]]
[[Category:Animated films about revenge]]
[[Category:Animated films set in prehistory]]
[[Category:Animated films set in New York City]]
[[Category:Animated films set in London]]
[[Category:Animated films set in Australia]]</text>
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    <title>Svetlana Alexievich</title>
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      <text bytes="6465" sha1="q3nryul1xfid3t6exajzp9po2b0lzbs" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Swetlana Alexandrowna Alexijewitsch.jpg|thumbnail|Svetlana Alexievich in 2011]]
'''[[w:Svetlana Alexievich|Svetlana Alexandrovna Alexievich]]''' (born [[May 31]], [[1948]]) is a [[w:Belarus|Belarusian]] investigative journalist and prose writer. She is the recipient of the 2015 [[w:Nobel Prize in Literature|Nobel Prize in Literature]].
{{author-stub}}

== Quotes ==

* War remains, as it always has been, one of the chief human mysteries.
** ''The Unwomanly Face of War'', quoted as epigraph in [[Margaret MacMillan]], ''War: How Conflict Shaped Us'' (2020)

* What can art accomplish? The purpose of art is to accumulate the human within the human being.
** [https://www.nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/literature/laureates/2015/alexievich-speech_en.html Speech at the Nobel Banquet] (10 December 2015)

=== ''[[w:Voices from Chernobyl|Voices from Chernobyl]]'' (2005) ===
* [[Death]] is the fairest thing in the world. No one's ever gotten out of it. The earth takes everyone—the kind, the cruel, the sinners. Aside from that, there's no fairness on earth.
** p. 27

* Is there anything more [[frightening]] than [[people]]?
** p. 60

* I used to think I could understand everything and express everything. Or almost everything. I remember when I was writing my book about the war in Afghanistan, ''Zinky Boys'', I went to Afghanistan and they showed me some of the foreign weapons that had been captured from the Afghan fighters. I was amazed at how perfect their forms were, how perfectly a human thought had been expressed. There was an officer standing next to me and he said, &quot;If someone were to step on this Italian mine that you say is so pretty it looks like a Christmas decoration, there would be nothing left of them but a bucket of meat. You'd have to scrape them  off the ground with a spoon.&quot; When I sat down to write this, it was the first time I thought, &quot;Is this something I should say?&quot; I had been raised on great Russian literature, I thought you could go very very far, and so I wrote about that meat. But the Zone—it's a separate world, a world within the rest of the world—and it's more [[powerful]] than anything [[literature]] has to say.
** pp. 239–240

=== Nobel Lecture (2015) ===
&lt;small&gt;[http://www.nobelprize.org/nobel_prizes/literature/laureates/2015/alexievich-lecture_en.html Nobel Lecture of Svetlana Alexievich]&lt;/small&gt;

* My teacher, Ales Adamovich, whose name I mention today with gratitude, felt that writing prose about the nightmares of the 20th century was sacrilege. Nothing may be invented. You must give the truth as it is. A &quot;super-literature&quot; is required. The witness must speak. [[Friedrich Nietzsche|Nietzsche's]] words come to mind – no artist can live up to reality. He can't lift it. It always troubled me that the truth doesn't fit into one heart, into one mind, that truth is somehow splintered. There's a lot of it, it is varied, and it is strewn about the world.

* Suffering is our capital, our natural resource. Not oil or gas – but suffering. It is the only thing we are able to produce consistently. I'm always looking for the answer: why doesn't our suffering convert into freedom? Is it truly all in vain? Chaadayev was right: Russia is a country without memory, it's a space of total amnesia, a virgin consciousness for criticism and reflection.

* I drove to a hospital for Afghan civilians with a group of nurses – we brought presents for the children. Toys, candy, cookies. I had about five teddy bears. We arrived at the hospital, a long barracks. No one has more than a blanket for bedding. A young Afghan woman approached me, holding a child in her arms. She wanted to say something – over the last ten years almost everyone here has learned to speak a little Russian – and I handed the child a toy, which he took with his teeth. &quot;Why his teeth?&quot; I asked in surprise. She pulled the blanket off his tiny body – the little boy was missing both arms. &quot;It was when your Russians bombed.&quot; Someone held me up as I began to fall.

* I will take the liberty of saying that we missed the chance we had in the 1990s. The question was posed: what kind of country should we have? A strong country, or a worthy one where people can live decently? We chose the former – a strong country. Once again we are living in an era of power. Russians are fighting Ukrainians. Their brothers. My father is Belarusian, my mother, Ukrainian. That's the way it is for many people. Russian planes are bombing Syria ... A time full of hope has been replaced by a time of fear. The era has turned around and headed back in time. The time we live in now is second-hand ... Sometimes I am not sure that I've finished writing the history of the &quot;Red&quot; man.

* There was a time... when no political idea of the 20th century was comparable to communism (or the October Revolution as its symbol), a time when nothing attracted Western intellectuals and people all around the world more powerfully or emotionally. Raymond Aron called the Russian Revolution the “opium of intellectuals.” But the idea of communism is at least two thousand years old. We can find it in Plato’s teachings about an ideal, correct state; in Aristophanes’ dreams about a time when “everything will belong to everyone.” … In Thomas More and Tommaso Campanella … Later in Saint-Simon, Fourier and Robert Owen. There is something in the Russian spirit that compels it to try to turn these dreams into reality.

* Twenty years ago, we bid farewell to the “Red Empire” of the Soviets with curses and tears. We can now look at that past more calmly, as an historical experiment. This is important, because arguments about socialism have not died down. A new generation has grown up with a different picture of the world, but many young people are reading Marx and Lenin again. In Russian towns there are new museums dedicated to Stalin, and new monuments have been erected to him. The “Red Empire” is gone, but the “Red Man,” homo sovieticus, remains. He endures.

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{Commons category}}
*[http://alexievich.info/indexEN.html Svetlana Alexievich], author website.

{{DEFAULTSORT:Alexievich, Svetlana}}
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[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Investigative journalists]]
[[Category:Essayists]]
[[Category:Women authors from Belarus]]
[[Category:Nobel laureates in Literature]]
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  <page>
    <title>Pixels (2015 film)</title>
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'''''[[w:Pixels (2015 film)|Pixels]]''''' is a 2015 American [[w:science fiction|science fiction]] [[w:action film|action]] [[w:comedy film|comedy film]] starring [[Adam Sandler]], [[Kevin James]], [[w:Michelle Monaghan|Michelle Monaghan]], [[Peter Dinklage]], [[w:Josh Gad|Josh Gad]] and [[w:Brian Cox (actor)|Brian Cox]]. The film is about a group of former video gamers who band together to fight off [[w:extraterrestial life|aliens]] invading [[w:Earth|Earth]] in the form of video games.

:''Directed by {{w|Chris Columbus (filmmaker)|Chris Columbus}}. Written by {{w|Tim Herlihy}} and Timothy Dowling.''

{{center|'''Play for the planet.'''{{small|([[#Taglines|taglines]])}}}}

== Dialogue ==
:'''13-Year-Old Sam Brenner:''' ''[first lines]'' Cooper, it's open!
:'''13-Year-Old Will Cooper:''' ''[surprised]'' ''It's open?!''
:'''13-Year-Old Sam:''' Come on! ''[Cooper gets on his bike]'' It's supposed to be awesome.
:'''13-Year-Old Will:''' Thank you. ''[takes his sister's quarters]''
:'''Will's sister:''' ''Hey, give me back my quarters, you hoser! '''MOM!'''''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Sam Brenner:''' Hello. I am a Nerd from the Nerd Brigade, here to Nerd out on all your audio and visual needs.
:'''Matty:''' Do you have to say that every time you show up at a house?
:'''Brenner:''' If I wanna get paid, yes.
:'''Matty:''' Isn't it kind of demeaning?
:'''Sam:''' Only if someone brings that up.
:'''Matty:''' Okay, I won't bring it up, then.
:'''Sam:''' Thanks.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sam:''' Mrs. Van Patten. All finished up down there. I need you to sign the work order.
:'''Violet:''' ''[voice wavering]'' Okay.
:'''Sam:''' ''[confused]'' Mrs. Van Patten, are you in the closet?
:'''Violet:''' ''[voice wavering]'' Yes.
:'''Sam:''' Not judging, but what are you doing in the closet?
:'''Violet:''' ''[voice wavering]'' I'm mostly crying. A little drinking. Probably equally crying and drinking.
:'''Sam:''' Something I do often also. But why in the closet?
:'''Violet:''' ''[voice wavering]'' Because I don't want Matty to see me. ''[she starts crying]''
:'''Sam:''' I'm coming in the closet, Mrs. Van Patten. I'm opening the door. ''[he sees Violet on the floor holding a Sippy Cup]'' ''[calmly, and concerned]'' Are you all right?
:'''Violet:''' ''[voice breaking]'' I'm sobbing on the floor of my closet, drinking [[w:Chardonnay|Chardonnay]] out of a Sippy Cup, so I guess not.
:'''Sam:''' ''[apologetically]'' Sorry. I withdraw the question. Uh-- ''[he sits on the floor with Violet]''
:'''Violet:''' ''[sobbing]'' Oh, God!
:'''Sam:''' ''[smiling comfortingly]'' Wanna talk about it?
:'''Violet:''' No. Yes! Yes. ''[sobbing in Sam Brenner's shoulder]'' Oh, God!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Violet:''' ''[addressing Sam Brenner]'' Why are you following me?
:'''Sam:''' Oh, God.
:'''Violet:''' I can't believe they even let you in here.
:'''Sam:''' Right.
:'''Jennifer:''' Colonel Van Patten, you can go right into the Situation Room.
:'''Violet:''' Yeah. See, they need me in the Situation Room, so have fun doing whatever you're doing.
:'''Sam:''' Mmm.
:'''Jennifer:''' Mr. Brenner, the president is waiting for you in the Oval Office.
:'''Sam :''' ''[falsetto voice, mockingly]'' [[Happy Gilmore|Somebody's more important.]] ''[moonwalks and addresses a member of the presidential detail while looking at Violet]'' ''[normal voice]'' Freddy, can you keep the riffraff outta here? ''[he moonwalks into the Oval Office]'' ''[to Cooper]'' Yo, wassup?
:'''Will Cooper:''' Oh, come on, you couldn't have at least changed?
:'''Sam Brenner:''' You told me to rush right over. What's going on, man? Why's it so crazy out there?
:'''Will Cooper:''' Our Air Force Base in Guam was attacked.
:'''Sam Brenner:''' By who?
:'''Will Cooper:''' I'm not sure. That's what I wanted to ask you. Come here. Check this out.
:'''Sam Brenner:''' Me?
:'''Will Cooper:''' Yes, you. Come here. Listen to this. ''[he hits the space button on the keyboard, and deep whirring is heard.]'' [[w:Galaga|Does that sound familiar to you?]]
:'''Sam Brenner:''' Yeah. Where do I know that from? Can you freeze it?
:'''Will Cooper:''' Yeah, hold on. ''[he pauses the video.]''
:'''Sam Brenner:''' Go in tighter. ''[Cooper does so.]'' That can't be real.
:'''Will Cooper:''' Okay, so, you're seeing the same thing I'm seeing.
:'''Sam Brenner:''' What kind of mushrooms did that guy put on our burgers?
:'''Jennifer:''' ''[enters the Oval Office]'' They're ready for you, Mr. President.
:'''Will Cooper:''' Great. Now I gotta explain this to the National Security Council. Listen, do me a favor, Sam. Watch that again, okay? And just see if there's anything you can find to help us out.
:'''Sam Brenner:''' Yeah. Can I sit in your chair?
:'''Will Cooper:''' No, you can't, and everything's recorded.
:'''Sam Brenner:''' Okay, I won't. I won't. I won't. ''[he waves at the security camera, and sits in the chair anyway.]'' I'm sittin' in the chair. Gimme a break.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[the President and his wife are decorating a cake with sprinkles]''
:'''Jennifer''': Mr. President.
:'''Will Cooper''': ''[gains attention]'' Yes, Jennifer.
:'''Jennifer''': We just received an alien transmission from the &quot;{{w|Where's the beef?}}&quot; lady.
:'''Will Cooper''': What did she say?
:'''Jennifer''': First of all, she asked where the beef was, then she said the next battle was on at sundown tomorrow. 5130'29&quot; latitude, 09'42&quot; longitude.
:'''Will Cooper''': Where's that?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Sam Brenner''': In case it's {{w|Space Invaders}}, I just thought of something I should tell...
:'''Corporal Hill''': ''[interrupts Sam]'' Please return to the support area!
:'''Sam Brenner''': Okay, but there's a 5+1 formation, alright?
:'''Corporal Hill''': ''[grabs Sam's shirt]'' If we need you, we know where to find you, alright? ''[pushes him away]'' Now bugger off. Bloody geek.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Violet''': Gentlemen, I'll be sending Pac-Man's current coordinates to each of your car's GPSes. Let's locate and eliminate.
:'''Will Cooper''': Come on, guys.
:''[Pac-Man chases man on his bicycle. Ludlow is shocked.]''
:'''Sam Brenner''': ''[confused]'' Pac-Man's a ''bad guy?''
:''[Iwatani sees Pac-Man eat man's bike.]''
:'''Professor Iwatani''': Pac-Man is not bad! I created him to bring joy to all the people of the world! They have brainwashed him! Deep down, he's kind, gentle. Someone you can tell your troubles to or grab a hamburger with.
:''[Pac-Man stops in front of the Ghost Cars.]''
:'''Professor Iwatani''': You'll see.
:''[Iwatani exits his Ghost Car.]''
:'''Violet''': Professor Iwatani, get back in the car!
:'''Sam Brenner''': Professor Iwatani, what are you doing?!
:'''Professor Iwatani''': I will talk to him. He's my son!
:'''Sam Brenner''': No, that's a bad idea.
:''[Iwatani walks up to Pac-Man]''
:'''Professor Iwatani''': ''[to Pac-Man]'' Hello, my sweet, little boy. Look how big you've grown. I'm so proud of you.
:'''Ludlow Lamonsoff''': It's so sweet. He's so sweet.
:'''Professor Iwatani''': But all these destructive things you're doing, it's wrong. I'm your father. I know, you're a good boy.
:''[Iwatani reaches out. Ludlow nods as if saying, &quot;Go on.&quot; Suddenly, Pac-Man bites his hand into pixels, and Iwatani screams in pain]''
:'''Ludlow Lamonsoff''': '''''NOOOOO!!!!'''''
:'''Professor Iwatani''': '''''SOMEBODY KILL THIS STUPID BITCH!!!!'''''
:'''Sam Brenner''': ''[shocked and horrified]'' That was some twisted Pinocchio-Geppetto stuff right there!
:''[Pac-Man runs away]''
:'''Eddie Plant''': All right, losers! It's 3 on 1. Let's hit it!
:''[the Arcaders start chasing Pac-Man. During the chase, Pac-Man eats a fire truck.]''
:'''Sam Brenner''': Pac-Man's faster than I remember!
:'''Eddie Plant''': Pac-Man's ''always'' been faster than the ghosts. We're gonna have to out-maneuver his ass. ''[he and the Arcaders sharply turn around a car.]'' Wonder-fro, you and Silver Medal break off. ''[The Arcaders go in different directions.]'' I'll stay with Big Yellow.
:'''Violet''': ''[sees Eddie's car going another way very quickly.]'' Whoa! Eddie, how did you do that so fast?
:'''Eddie Plant''': 'Cause I'm the champ, Lieutenant Long Legs.
:''[Pac-Man eats an ambulance, but runs into Ludlow Lamonsoff.]
:'''Ludlow Lamonsoff''': Nope!
:''[Pac-Man runs into Sam Brenner.]''
:'''Sam Brenner''': What's up?
:''[Pac-Man tries to run away, but sees Eddie Plant about to kill him.]''
:'''Eddie Plant''': '''''OH, YEAH!''''' ''[kills Pac-Man]''
:'''Will Cooper''': Good one, Eddie.
:'''Eddie Plant''': Whew.
:'''Sam Brenner''': ''[on radio]'' One down!
:'''Violet''': Two to go! ''[the Arcaders go another way.]'' All right, Pac-Man #2 just regenerated four streets away headed North Bound. Turn east at the next intersection. Brenner, go straight.
:'''Sam Brenner''': Got it.
:'''Violet''': Ludlow, go left. ''[Ludlow does so]'' Eddie, at the next intersection, turn left.
:'''Ludlow Lamonsoff''': We got him! He's got nowhere to go!
:''[Pac-Man eats a Power Pellet, thus turning all the Ghost Cars dark blue.]''
:'''Sam Brenner''': ''[shocked]'' Oh, God. No!
:'''Violet''': &quot;Oh, God, no&quot; what?
:'''Ludlow Lamonsoff''': He ate the Power Pellet! Pac-Man has got 10 seconds where he can eat us! ''[Pac-Man starts chasing Ludlow]'' Why me?! ''[Ludlow runs away]'' Oh, God, don't eat me, don't eat me, don't eat me. Please, please don't eat me. ''[Pac-Man starts eating Ludlow's Ghost Car, and he screams in terror]'' '''''GUYS! HELP! I'M GONNA DIE A VIRGIN!''''' ''[Ludlow barely escapes the Ghost Car before it gets eaten by Pac-Man. Then Pac-Man turns around and continues chasing Ludlow.]'' Why are you doing this to me? ''[Ludlow runs for his life.]'' '''''YOU'VE BEEN BRAINWASHED! YOU'RE A GOOD BOY!'''''
:'''Will Cooper''': '''''LUDLOW, RUN! PUMP YOUR LEGS! GO, BABY!'''''
:''[Ludlow continues running from Pac-Man. Suddenly, Eddie appears and kills Pac-Man again.]''
:'''Will Cooper''': ''[as the people in the office cheer]'' '''''ATTABOY, EDDIE!'''''
:'''Eddie Plant''': ''[chuckles]'' You just got fire-blasted, sucka!
:'''Ludlow Lamonsoff''': ''[makes finger guns at Eddie]'' ''[weakly]'' Uh-huh. ''[faints from fear]''
:'''Eddie Plant''': ''[sighs]'' What?
:'''Violet''': How the Hell did he get over there so fast?
:'''Sam Brenner''': ''[to Eddie]'' Way to go, champ!
:'''Eddie Plant''': Aren't you glad you sprung me, Second Place?
:'''Sam Brenner''': ''[sarcastically]'' Yeah. Thrilled. ''[normally]'' One more to go and it's Happy Hour.
:''[Pac-Man #3 regenerates where the second Pac-Man died, and Sam and Eddie chase Pac-Man leaving Ludlow laying in the street]''
:'''Ludlow Lamonsoff''': So I, I guess they're just leaving me here.
:''[Pac-Man runs for his life as Sam and Eddie chase him.]''
:'''Eddie Plant''': Now it's time for the hat trick.
:''[Eddie accelerates but Pac-Man turns right causing Eddie to fly off of the road, falling into the East River.]''
:'''Sam Brenner''': Wow!
:'''Violet''': Brenner, it's on you. There are still 3 other Power Pellets out there, so stay alert.
:'''Sam Brenner''': I got this. If I don't, the world ends. Can't let that happen.
:'''Will Cooper''': Come on, Brenner. Come on.
:''[Sam continues chasing Pac-Man]''
:'''Violet''': Brenner, he's leading you directly towards one of the Power Pellets. Get out of there.
:''[Pac-Man eats Power Pellet, turning Sam Brenner's Ghost Car dark blue, and starts chasing Sam Brenner]''
:'''Sam Brenner''': ''[with a game face]'' One.
:'''Violet''': ''[confused]'' What the Hell is he doing?
:'''Sam Brenner''': ''[backs up]'' Two.
:'''Violet''': ''[angrily]'' Damn it, Brenner, I have a son who I'd like to see grow up!
:'''Sam Brenner''': Three. You'll see your boy grow up. ''[Pac-Man chases him into parking garage]'' Four.
:'''Violet''': ''[alarmed]'' Brenner, get out! He's going to eat you!
:'''Sam Brenner''': ''[getting chased through the parking garage.]'' Five. Six. Seven. Eight. ''Nine.'' ''[closes his eyes tight. The Ghost Car and Pac-Man fly through the air in slow motion, and Pac-Man opens his mouth, about to eat Sam Brenner.]'' ...Ten! ''[barely kills Pac-Man Number Three. At normal speed, he lands on another part of the parking garage, and he breathes heavily, as Pac-Man powers down.]''
:'''Will Cooper''': ''[as everyone cheers wildly]'' '''''OH! OH! YOU DID IT! BRENNER! THAT'S THE ONE, BABY!''''' ''[He and his wife hug. Two Admiral's shake hands. Violet sees Sam Brenner exit his Ghost Car and chuckles in disbelief as Sam Brenner emerges from the parking garage]''
:'''Man in Crowd''': He's over here!
:''[Sam Brenner is greeted with cheers and applause. Eddie arrives on a fire truck, drenched, and gives the crowd a &quot;Rock on!&quot; hand gesture.]'' 
:'''Woman in Crowd:''' Fire Blaster, I love you!
:''[Ludlow appears holding a blanket over something]''
:'''Ludlow Lamonsoff:''' Hey, guys! Sorry, coming through. I'm one of tonight's heroes, sorry. ''[to Sam and Eddie]'' Hey! ''[whispers]'' Hey. Check it out. I think I might have found our next trophy. ''[uncovers Q*Bert]''
:'''Sam Brenner:''' ''[intrigued]'' It's Q*Bert.
:'''Ludlow Lamonsoff:''' ''[excitedly]'' Yeah, I know! I know.
:'''Eddie Plant:''' Can I kill it?
:'''Sam Brenner:''' No! Let's get to know him a little bit. Ask him some questions. And ''then'' we'll kill him.
:'''Q*Bert:''' '''''Huh?'''''
:'''Sam Brenner:''' I'm joking. Just put the blanket on him.
:'''Q*Bert:''' Bye.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jim Porter:''' ''[turns off TV, and tosses remote]'' I don't know what would be worse. Them failing, or them actually pulling this off.
:'''Mrs. Porter:''' ''[offscreen]'' What was that, Jim?
:'''Jim Porter:''' Can you '''''SHUT UP FOR FIVE SECONDS?!'''''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Sam Brenner''': ''[watching Matty play &quot;The Last of Us&quot; on the PlayStation 3]'' There's no rhyme or reason to this game. Where are the patterns? He just attacks out of left field.
:'''Matty''': Patterns? Is that why you were so good with Pac-Man and Centipede? You memorized the patterns?
:'''Sam Brenner''': Yeah. Only way to beat these things. Count the bullets, calculate the speed, crunch the numbers.
:'''Matty''': Where's the fun in that?
:'''Sam Brenner''': Oh, boy. Why? What do you do?
:'''Matty''': You gotta pretend you're the guy and you don't wanna die.
:'''Sam Brenner''': Yeah, that sounds cool, but it's not gonna work every time.
:'''Matty''': That's why you have your reset button.
:'''Sam Brenner''': Yeah, we didn't have those growin' up. ''[about &quot;The Last of Us&quot;]'' Most violent game I've ever seen. Eh-eh, I don't think it's healthy for ya.
:'''Matty''': ''[thinking Sam Brenner is talking to him]'' It's fine, I can handle it.
:'''Sam Brenner''': ''[to Matty; clarifying]'' No, I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to homeboy.
:'''Q*Bert''': ''[shaking in fear]'' So much blood!
:'''Sam Brenner''': Yeah. Hey, you know what'll cheer ya up? A cheese ball.
:'''Q*Bert''': Yep.
:'''Sam Brenner''': Huh? Come on, suck one up. ''[Q*Bert sucks up a cheese ball.]'' Take a handful. ''[throws a handful of cheese balls in the opposite direction, and Q*Bert sucks them in.]'' That was smooth. ''[chuckles]'' That was very smooth! ''[to Matty]'' You know, we should get him some exercise, maybe throw him on the trampoline for a little bit?
:'''Q*Bert''': ''[excitedly]'' Trampoline! Trampoline! Trampoline!
:'''Matty''': Okay. How about me and him do that while you go ask my mom to the ball tomorrow night?
:'''Sam Brenner''': Unfortunately, I'm not attracted to your mother.
:'''Q*Bert''': ''[as his signature swear bubble appears]'' Bullcrap!
:'''Sam Brenner''': ''[to Q*Bert]'' You're right, I am. Okay. Here, finish these. ''[Q*Bert finishes cheese ball container]'' Your gettin' chubby. ''[Q*Bert chuckles]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jim Porter''': ''[storms through the crowd to Sam Brenner]'' What did you do?!
:'''Sam Brenner''': I didn't do anything. I-I thought we obeyed every rule.
:'''Jim Porter''': [[Shrek|You thought wrong]], civilian! We squandered our one chance on you, a hi-fi repair man.
:'''Sam Brenner''': ''[nervously]'' But I-I swear...
:'''Jim Porter''': ''[interrupts Sam]'' But nothin'! You heard [[Hall &amp; Oates]]! [[The Nut Job 2: Nutty by Nature|You blew it!]] I've seen your files. You never accomplished a darn thing in your entire life.
:'''Violet''': ''[stands up for Sam]'' Brenner won 2 battles, Admiral. That's 2 more than you.
:'''Jim Porter''': I wouldn't get smart with me, Colonel! You were all over the sideshow that did nothing but waste valuable time. Sometimes I wonder if you're not working for the [[Space Jam: A New Legacy|Martians]] yourself!
:'''Violet''': Drop dead, Admiral!
:'''Jim Porter''': ''[points at Violet]'' You're done!
:'''Will Cooper''': ''[breaks up the argument]'' Alright, hey guys, that's enough! Listen, we tried something, it didn't work.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Ludlow''': I can't believe they took Matty as a trophy. I'm so sorry.
:'''Sam''': Well, there's gotta be something we can do.
:'''Ludlow''': Where's Eddie?
:'''Sam''': Eddie... ''[stands up]'' Yeah, he crawled into a hole. We'll never see him again. Chewie won't take my calls. Violet got [[The Lorax (2012 film)|the boot]]. We're on our own, guys.
:'''Q*Bert''': This feels like ''my'' planet. No fun, no laughter, only war.
:'''Violet''': Wait. Wait a second. Q*Bert is from there. He knows all their secrets.
:'''Q*Bert''': We were once a happy planet before you threatened us.
:'''Sam''': But we didn't threaten you. Y-You saw footage of old games.
:'''Q*Bert''': They do not know they are games.
:'''Violet''': Well, why didn't you tell them that, Q*Bert, and stop them?
:'''Q*Bert''': It's too late! And now the mothership is creating millions of {{w|Kamen Rider Ex-Aid|videogame warriors}} to destroy your planet.
:'''Violet''': Look, all we have to do is get inside the mothership and try to stop them. We can rescue Matty while we're up there.
:'''Ludlow''': Up there? You wanna go up there? I don't know about that. Y'know, they took away our light cannons. I don't think that's such a good idea.
:'''Sam''': We have something ''better'' than light cannons. We have a positive [[Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian|can-do attitude]].
:'''Q*Bert''': ''[reassured]'' Ah...!
:'''Sam''': I'm kidding. We are all gonna die. I'm just... Sorry.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Will Cooper:''' ''[after saving Sam, Violet and Ludlow from being pixelated by Frogger, and takes off Chewbacca mask.]'' Nobody's better at the Crane Game than me!
:'''Sam Brenner:''' '''''Chewie?!''''' What's with the disguise, buddy?
:'''Will Cooper:''' They tried to take me to some underground bunker, so I went rogue. ''[reveals his Arcader uniform]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Eddie Plant''': And I couldn't even get a handshake from [[Serena Williams]].
:'''Ludlow Lamonsoff''': ''[surprised]'' Well well well. Didn't think I'd see you again.
:'''Eddie Plant''': I had to prove myself and to the world I could do this without cheating.
:'''Ludlow Lamonsoff''': ''[confused]'' Wait, you cheated?
:'''Eddie Plant''': Moving on. ''[the three noticed the woman running while pushing her baby in her stroller as Ludlow and Eddie blasted Mr. Egg,  to Ludlow and Lady Lisa]'' So you gonna introduce me to your girlfriend?
:'''Ludlow Lamonsoff''': Fiancée.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sam Brenner:''' Donkey Kong.
:'''Will Cooper:''' The one game you suck at.
:'''Sam Brenner:''' Yeah.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[last lines]''
:'''Ludlow Lamonsoff:''' ''[offscreen]'' Hey, kids! Dad is home!
:''[the camera moves to a crib filled with Q*Berts]''

== Taglines ==
* It's time to save the world.
* It's Game on or Game Over.
* Play for the planet.
* The Saga has ended
* The Final Battle for The Earth
* Virus Attacks

== Cast ==
* [[Adam Sandler]] — Sam Brenner
* [[Kevin James]] — Will Cooper
* {{w|Michelle Monaghan}} — Violet van Patten
* [[Peter Dinklage]] — Eddie Plant
* {{w|Josh Gad}} — Ludlow Lamonsoff
* [[w:Brian Cox (actor)|Brian Cox]] — [[w:Admiral (United States)|Admiral]] Porter
* {{w|Matt Lintz}} — Matty van Patten
* {{w|Ashley Benson}} — Lady Lisa
* {{w|Jane Krakowski}} — 1st Lady Jane Cooper
* {{w|Denis Akiyama}} — [[w:Toru Iwatani|Professor Iwatani]]

===Additional Character Voices===
* {{w|Billy West}}

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|2120120|Pixels}}

[[Category:2015 films]]
[[Category:Action films]]
[[Category:American films with live action and animation]]
[[Category:Animated films based on video games]]
[[Category:Comedy science fiction films]]
[[Category:Films about revenge]]
[[Category:Films based on video games]]
[[Category:Films set in New York]]
[[Category:Films directed by Chris Columbus]]
[[Category:Films about alien invasions]]</text>
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    <title>The Parent Trap (1998 film)</title>
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{{DEFAULTSORT:Parent Trap (1998 film), The}}
'''''[[w:The Parent Trap (1998 film)|The Parent Trap]]''''' is a 1998 romantic comedy film co-written and directed by [[w:Nancy Meyers|Nancy Meyers]], and produced and co-written by [[w:Charles Shyer|Charles Shyer]]. It is the second American adaptation of [[w:Erich Kästner|Erich Kästner]]'s German novel ''[[w:Lottie and Lisa|Lottie and Lisa]]'' (''Das doppelte Lottchen'') following the [[The Parent Trap (1961 film)|1961 film of the same name]]. [[w:David Swift (director)|David Swift]] wrote the screenplay for the original 1961 film based solely on ''Lottie and Lisa'', but the story is comparable to that of the 1936 [[w:Deanna Durbin|Deanna Durbin]] film ''[[w:Three Smart Girls|Three Smart Girls]]'', which inspired the novel. Swift is credited along with Meyers and Shyer as co-writers of the 1998 version.

== Hallie ==
* Tell me, what's Mom like?
* I have a brilliant beyond brilliant idea!
* Mom's amazing, Dad. I don't know how you ever let her go. Oh, my.

== Annie ==
* Sisters? Hallie, we're like twins.
* Actually, yes. And actually, I'm not Hallie.

== Chessy ==
* ''[after finding out that the girls switched places]'' Can I hug her?
* ''[after Annie runs out after ranting at Nick in French]'' Don't look at me. I don't know a thing.
* ''[after Sammy barks at Meredith]'' Good doggy.

== Dialogue ==
:'''Martin''': All right, shall we review your mother's list?
:'''Annie''': Mm-hmm.
:'''Martin''': Now, let's see... Vitamins?
:'''Annie''': Check.
:'''Martin''': Minerals?
:'''Annie''': Check. 
:'''Martin''': List of daily fruits and vegetables.
:'''Annie''': Check. Check. ''[Martin looks at her oddly]'' Check for fruits, check for vegetables. Go on.
:'''Martin''': Sun block, lip balm, insect repellent, ''[Annie bites back a smile]'' stationery, stamps, photograph of your mother, grandfather... and, of course, your trusty butler, me. 
:'''Annie''': Got it all, I think.
:'''Martin''': Oh, and, um, here's a little something from your grandfather; ''[holds out a deck of cards]'' A spanking-new deck of cards. Maybe you'll actually find somebody on this continent who can whip your tush at poker.
:'''Annie''': Well, I doubt it, but thanks.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Hallie''': You wanna know the '''''real''''' difference between us?
:'''Annie''': Let me see... I know how to fence and you don't, or I have class and you don't. Take your pick.
:'''Hallie''': ''[infuriated]'' Why, I oughta...!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Hallie''': ''[playing poker with Annie at camp]'' I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. I'll make you a little deal: '''''loser''''' jumps into the lake after the game.
:'''Annie''': Excellent.
:'''Hallie''': '''''Butt-naked.'''''
:'''Annie''': Even more excellent. Start unzipping, Parker. ''[revealing her hand to Hallie]'' Straight, in diamonds.
:'''Hallie''': You're good, James... but... you're just not good enough. ''[revealing her hand to Annie]'' In your honor, a royal flush.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Hallie, Zoe and Nicole are sweaty and worn out. The morning's hike has almost finished them in, but their spirits are high]''
:'''Zoe''': I swear I heard your evil clone sneezing all the road across the mess hall.
:'''Hallie''': ''[sings]'' That's the fashion, uh-huh, uh-huh, I like it!
:''[The other girls laugh, and Hallie stifles a yawn]''
:'''Hallie''': I'm tired. I'm crawling back into bed and sleeping until lunch.
:''[Nicole stops short]''
:'''Nicole''': That does not seem like a possibility, babe.
:''[Hallie and Zoe look up. Every cot in bunk eleven is settled cozily on the roof. Hallie's mouth drops open]''
:'''Hallie''': No luck.
:''[That night, three shadowy figures steal toward the Navajo bunkhouse. While Annie and her friends sleep, the three intruders work faster. A jar of honey is poured into a pair of shoes. A can of shaving cream is squirted into a pillowcase. Twine winds crazily around the room. Cooking oil goes on the floor. And a can of chocolate syrup is emptied into a bucket]''
:''[Reveille the next morning brings on a best show. As the Navajos awaken, they encounter the twine, the sticky honey, the oil. Dripping with shaving cream, Annie yells out]''
:'''Annie''': That girl is without a doubt the lowest, most awful creature that ever walked the earth!
:''[That girl is watching it all happen through the windows]''
:'''Hallie''': Thank you. Thank you very much. ''[She and Zoe and Nicole are pink from pent-up laughter. They slap hands as the two Marvas approach, clipboards at the ready]''
:'''Marva Senior''': Good morning, girls.
:'''Girls''': Morning, Marvas. ''[The girls respond automatically]'' Marvas?!
:''[Marva Senior climbs the steps to the bunkhouse]''
:'''Marva Senior''': Navajos! Surprise inspection! Ten-shun! ''[She reaches for the handle to the screen door, but Hallie is blocking the road]''
:'''Hallie''': No, Marva, don't go in there. ''[She thinks fast]'' One of the girls got sick and it's a big mess. Save yourself the aggravation. It's really disgusting.
:''[Marva Senior blinks]''
:'''Marva Senior''': Well, if someone's sick, darling, then I must go in. ''[She reaches for the handle again, and Hallie tries to stop her. Above the doorway is perched the bucket with chocolate syrup. The Marvas are about to get it]''
:'''Hallie''': No, really! I can't let you go in. She's highly contagious!
:'''Annie''': Actually, we're all quite fine in here. Unless Hallie Parker knows something we don't. ''[She looks above the door]'' Really, I exist, open the door and come see for yourself, ma'am.
:''[Marva Senior swings the door open. Marva Junior is right behind her. A string attached to the door frame tips the bucket of syrup over. Both Marvas are covered with chocolate. Shrieking, they slip on the oily floor, get tangled in the twine and trigger another tilting bucket. One filled with feathers. The feathers float down like a snowstorm and stick to the honey and chocolate]''
:''[Hallie is aghast]''
:'''Hallie''': I warned you it was a mess in here!
:''[Annie stands with her hands on her hips]''
:'''Annie''': She should know. She did it!
:''[Marva Senior coughs up a few feathers and wipes the chocolate syrup from around her eyes. She focuses on Annie and Hallie]''
:'''Marva Senior''': You and you. Pack your bags.
:''[Annie and Hallie follow the Marvas up a steep hillside. Hallie balances her yellow duffel on her shoulder, and Annie trudges along behind, her arms complete with matched luggage. The whole camp marches behind them]''
:''[At the end of the path, Marva Senior blows her whistle and dismisses the other campers]''
:'''Marva Senior''': The rest of you go on back to your activities. You two–– ''[She gestures toward a lonely cabin perched on top of the hill]'' The isolation bunk.
:''[The interior of the isolation bunk is as forlorn as the location. Sunlight illuminates the dust and the spider webs]''
:'''Marva Senior''': We have six weeks left of camp. And you two, who refuse to get along, are going to spend every glorious one of them together.
:''[Marva Junior sneers. It is ghastly]''
:'''Marva Junior''': You eat together, you'll bunk together and do all of your activities together. Either you'll find a fashion to get along or you'll punish yourselves far better than we ever could.
:''[They exercise together, fence and box together, read and play games together, share meals––all without speaking. At bedtime, Hallie cuddles down with her stuffed animal, Cuppy, while Annie writes letters. Hallie will reach up to switch off the lights, and Annie will snap them back on]''
:''[From the main lodge underneath, the Marvas can see the lights go off in the isolation bunk, then on, then off. On. Off. On. Off. On. The punishment is working]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Hallie''': How far away is London anyway? 
:'''Annie''': Well, from here it's 3,000 miles, but sometimes it seems much further... How far away is your home?
:'''Hallie''': Oh, California is way on the other end of the country. Actually, here's a picture of my house. ''[shows Annie a photo]'' 
:'''Annie''': Wow! It's ''beautiful''.
:'''Hallie''': Yeah. We built it when I was little. We've got this incredible porch that looks over the entire vineyard and-
:'''Annie''': ''[points to figure in the photograph]'' Who.. Who's that? 
:'''Hallie''': Oh, that's my Dad; He didn't know I was taking the picture then, or else he would have turned around. He's kinda like my best friend. We do everything together. ''[Annie sighs]'' What's the matter?
:'''Annie''': Oh, it's chilly in here, that's all...
:'''Hallie''': ''[pulls out a packet of Oreos]'' Want one?
:'''Annie''': Oh, sure, I ''love'' Oreos! At home I eat them with... I eat them with peanut butter. 
:'''Hallie''': ''[surprised]'' You '''''do'''''? That is '''''so''''' weird... ''[pulls out a jar of peanut butter]'' So do I!
:'''Annie''': You're kidding! Most people find that totally disgusting!
:'''Hallie''': I know! I don't get it...
:'''Annie''': Me either.
:''[They both laugh]'' 
:'''Hallie''': What's your dad like? I mean, is he the kind of father you can talk to, or is he one of those workaholic types who says; &quot;I'll talk to ya later, honey...&quot;, but you know, never really does? I hate that.
:'''Annie''': I don't have a father, actually. I mean, I had one '''''once''''', I suppose... But my parents divorced years ago. My mother never even mentions him. It's like he evaporated into thin air, or something...
:'''Hallie''': It's scary the way nobody stays together anymore.
:'''Annie''': Tell me about it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Annie''': Hallie, what's your mother like?
:'''Hallie''': I never met her. She and my dad split up when I was a baby, maybe even before, I'm not sure. He doesn't really like to talk about her... but I know she was really beautiful.
:'''Annie''': How do you know that?
:'''Hallie''': Because my dad had this old picture of her hidden in his sock drawer and he caught me looking at it all the time so he gave it to me to keep. I'm really thirsty, you sure you don't wanna go to the mess hall and get a lemonade?
:'''Annie''': '''''&lt;big&gt;Will you stop thinking about your stomach at a time like this?!&lt;/big&gt;'''''
:'''Hallie''': At a time like what?
:'''Annie''': ''[as she and Hallie step back into the cabin]'' Don't you realize what's happening? Oh man, this is beyond coincidence, this is beyond imagination! I only have a mother, and you only have a father... You've never seen your mum, and I've never seen my dad. You have one old picture of your mum, I have one old picture of my dad! Well, at least yours is probably a '''''whole''''' picture; Mine's a pathetic little thing, ripped right down the middle...! ''[notices Hallie going through her trunk]'' What are you rummaging in your trunk for '''''this time?'''''
:'''Hallie''': ''[she finally faces Annie as she holds a picture to her chest]'' This. It's the picture of my mom. And it's ripped too.
:'''Annie''': ''[knowing]'' Right down the middle?
:'''Hallie''': ''[nervously]'' Right down the middle.
:'''Annie''': ''[races over to her trunk and takes out a photo and holds it to her chest]'' This is so freaky. Okay. On the count of three, we'll show them to each other, okay?
:'''Hallie''': Okay.
:'''Annie''': 1...
:'''Hallie''': 2...
:'''Annie and Hallie''': ''[together]'' 3!
:''[they both gasp as they place the photo together and realize...]''
:'''Hallie''': That's my dad...
:'''Annie''': That's my mum... ''[she hears the lunch bell]'' That's the lunch bell.
:'''Hallie''': ''[as she wipes away her tears]'' I'm not so hungry anymore. So if your mom is my mom, and my dad is your dad... and we're both born on October 11th, then you and I are... like... sisters.
:'''Annie''': Sisters? Hallie, we're like twins!
:'''Hallie''': Oh my god!
:'''Annie''': Oh my god!
:''[they hug]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Hallie is getting ready to cut Annie's hair]''
:'''Annie''': ''[sees Hallie closing her eyes, alarmed]'' Don't shut '''''your''''' eyes!
:'''Hallie''': Okay, sorry, got a little nervous!
:'''Annie''': ''[as Hallie]'' ''''You're''''' nervous?! An 11-year-old is cutting my hair!
:'''Hallie''': Hey, you sounded just like me!
:'''Annie''': Well, I'm supposed to, aren't I?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Annie''': ''[Hallie just finished cutting Annie's hair to look like hers]'' This is so scary.
:'''Hallie''': Honey, you never looked better.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Hallie''': ''[crying, seeing her mother for the first time]'' I'm sorry, it's just, I've missed you so much!
:'''Elizabeth''': I know, it seems like it's been forever!
:'''Hallie''': You have '''''no''''' idea...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Hallie as Annie''': So, doesn't designing all these wedding gowns ever make you think about getting married again, or at least make you think about the &quot;F&quot; word?
:'''Elizabeth''': ''[surprised]'' The '''''&quot;F&quot;''''' word?
:'''Hallie as Annie''': My father.
:'''Elizabeth''': Oh! Oh, '''''that''''' &quot;F&quot; word! Well, no actually, because I didn't even wear a wedding gown when I married the '''''&quot;F&quot; word'''''.
:'''Hallie as Annie''': You didn't? Why not?
:'''Elizabeth''': Why the sudden curiosity about your dad, huh? 
:'''Hallie as Annie''': Well, maybe because he's never mentioned? And you can't blame a kid for wondering. Mother, you can't avoid the subject forever. At least tell me what he was like.
:'''Elizabeth''': Okay. He was quite lovely, to tell you the truth. When we met he was... actually, entirely lovely. 
:'''Hallie as Annie''': All right?
:'''Elizabeth''': All right.
:'''Hallie as Annie''': So, did you meet him here in London? 
:'''Elizabeth''': We met on the Q.E. 2.
:'''Hallie as Annie''': Q.E. what? 
:'''Elizabeth''': The Queen Elizabeth II. It's an ocean liner that sails from London to New York... 'cause I wasn't keen on flying then, and neither was your father. We met our first night on board ship. We were seated next to each other at dinner. He's an American, you know.
:'''Hallie as Annie''': ''[feigning ignorance]'' No kidding? So, was it love at first sight?
:'''Elizabeth''': ''[sighs in mock-exasperation]'' I '''''knew''''' you were going to ask me all these questions one day!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Hallie hides in a closet to talk to Annie on the phone]''
:'''Hallie''': Oh my God, Mom's incredible! I cannot '''''believe''''' I lived my entire life without knowing her! Sh-She's beautiful, and fun, and smart, and I love the gowns she designs...!
:'''Annie''': ''[tries to interrupt]'' But&amp;ndash;
:'''Hallie''': ...And I got her talking about how she and Dad first met! And, if you ask me, there's like a whole possibility, like&amp;ndash;!
:'''Annie''': ''[desperately]'' Hallie, ''''stop'''''! We've got a major problem! You're going to have to bring Mother out here, immediately!
:'''Hallie''': Immediately?! Are you nuts?! I've only had one day with her! I'm just getting to know her. I can't... I won't!
:'''Annie''': But this is an emergency! Dad's in love!
:'''Hallie''': Get out of here! Dad doesn't fall in love! I mean, at least, not seriously...
:'''Annie''': '''''Trust''''' me, he's serious about this one. He's always holding her hand, and kissing her neck and waiting on her hand and foot!
:'''Hallie''': He '''''is'''''?
:'''Annie''': It's '''''disgusting'''''!
:'''Hallie''': Well, you'll just have to break 'em up! Sabotage her, do whatever you have to!
:'''Annie''': I'm '''''trying''''', but I mean, I'm at a slight disadvantage; I only met the man 12 hours ago! Hal, you've '''''got''''' to get back here to help me!
:'''Hallie''': ''[holds up a cellophane-wrapped candy and gets an idea]'' Annie, I can't &amp;ndash; I want more time with Mom!
:'''Annie''': ''[Hangs up]'' Thanks for the '''''help''''', Hal.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Annie as Hallie''': ''[after a discussion about how Annie as Hallie seems different to Chessy]'' Chessy, I changed a lot over the summer, that's all.
:'''Chessy''': ''[unconvinced]'' Okay... But if I didn’t know any better, I'd say it's almost like you were&amp;ndash; ''[stops herself]'' Forget it, it's impossible.
:'''Annie as Hallie''': Almost if I were who, Chessy?
:'''Chessy''': Nobody, nobody, forget I mentioned it.
:'''Annie''': Almost if I were…Annie?
:'''Chessy''': ''[slowly turning around]'' You know about Annie?
:'''Annie''': ''[dropping her &quot;Hallie&quot; accent]'' I... '''''am''''' Annie.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Nick''': Hal, come here. We have to talk.
:'''Annie as Hallie''': Okay, shoot.
:'''Nick''': Okay, honey... I wanna know what you think about making Meredith part of the family.
:'''Annie as Hallie''': Part of '''''our''''' family?
:'''Nick''': Yeah.
:'''Annie as Hallie''': I think it's an awesome idea. Inspired. Brilliant, really.
:'''Nick''': You do? Really? You do?
:'''Annie as Hallie''': Totally, it's like a dream come true. I've always wanted a big sister.
:'''Nick''': Oh... um... Honey, I think you're kind of missing the point.
:'''Annie as Hallie''': No, I'm not. You're gonna adopt Meredith. That's so sweet, Dad!
:'''Nick''': No, I'm not going to adopt her... I'm going to '''''marry''''' her.
:'''Annie as Hallie''': ''[leaps from her seat]'' '''''Marry''''' her?! That's '''''insane'''''! How can you marry a woman young enough to be my big sister?! ''[starts ranting in French]'' Mais tu plaisantes, j'espère. Meredith, ce n'est pas une fille pour toi. Mais c'est pas possible, je rêve. Qu'est-ce qui... [translation: But you're joking, I hope. Meredith, she's not the girl for you. But it's not possible, I'm dreaming. What...]
:'''Nick Parker''': Hal, Hal, Hal! Calm down, Hal! ''[beat]'' Are you speaking '''''French'''''?
:'''Annie as Hallie''': I... I learned it at camp. ''[takes a breath]'' Okay, I'm sorry. Let's discuss this calmly. Calmly and rationally.
:'''Nick''': Yeah, and in '''''English''''', if you don't mind, right?
:'''Annie as Hallie''': Okay.
:'''Nick''': Sweetheart, what has gotten into you?
:'''Annie as Hallie''': Nothing, nothing, just... just... Dad, you can't get married! It'll totally ruin completely everything!
:''[she runs from the house]''
:'''Nick''': Hal! Hal! Hallie!
:''[he looks to Chessy, who appears at a window]''
:'''Chessy''': ''[feigning ignorance]'' Don't look at me, I don't know a thing. ''[closes the windows]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Nick''': I told Hallie.
:'''Meredith''': You did? And?
:'''Nick''': She went ballistic. She started yelling in '''''French''''' &amp;ndash; I didn't even know she '''''spoke''''' French!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Hallie, as Annie, is underneath Elizabeth's covers struggling to tell her about the switch]''
:'''Elizabeth''': Annie! Annie!
:'''Hallie''': That's where I have to go! I have to go see Annie!
:'''Elizabeth''': Oh, I see, and where might Annie be?
:'''Hallie''': In Napa, with her father Nick Parker.
:''[Elizabeth stares in shock, looks up at her, and pulls back the covers]''
:'''Elizabeth''': You're not Annie?
:'''Hallie''': That would be correct.
:'''Elizabeth''': You're Hallie?
:'''Hallie''': I am. Annie and I met up at camp and, and we decided to switch places. I'm sorry... but I've never seen you and I've dreamt of meeting you my whole life, and Annie felt the exact same way about Dad, so... so we sort of just switched lives. I hope you're not mad, because I love you so much, and I just hope that one day you could love me as me, and not as Annie.
:'''Elizabeth''': Oh, darling, I've loved you your whole life. ''[kisses her]''
:'''Martin''': ''[in the doorway with Charles, sobbing]'' I've never been so happy in my entire life!
:''[Charles rolls his eyes, and shuts the door]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Chessy''': Hi, you probably don't remember me&amp;ndash;
:'''Elizabeth''': ''[warmly]'' Chessy! ''[kisses her on the cheek]''
:'''Chessy''': ''[pleased]'' I '''''knew''''' I always liked her! ''[Closes the hotel room door]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Elizabeth:''' Girls, you are going to tell me why you lied and brought me here without telling your father.
:'''Chessy''': Were they? OK, that's good.  Ah, well then I'm just going to go back to my room and check out the ol’ minibar situation.
:'''Martin''': Allow me to assist you.
:'''Elizabeth''': Wait! Does everyone here know something I don't know?!
:'''Annie''': Mum... Daddy's getting married.
:''[Elizabeth takes a moment to process this, then falls back down on the sofa]''
:'''Annie''': To Cruella de Vil &amp;ndash; She's '''''awful''''', Mom! We can't let him go through with it!
:'''Hallie''': She's all '''''wrong''''' for him, Mom! And the only way he '''''won't''''' marry her is if... ''[stops; to Annie]'' You tell her, she knows you better.
:'''Annie''': ''[sits down next to her mother]'' Is if he sees you again.
:'''Elizabeth''': Wait a minute... You're not trying to set me up with your father?!
:'''Hallie''': Actually, we are. You're '''''perfect''''' for each other!
:'''Elizabeth''': ''[notices both Martin and Chessy trying to sneak away]'' Hold it! You two '''''knew''''' about this?!
:'''Chessy''': ''[feigning ignorance]'' What?! Oh, '''''no'''''!
:'''Martin''': '''''No'''''! Madame, no! Absolutely '''''no''''' idea&amp;ndash;!
:'''Chessy''': No, no, no, no! I had '''''no''''' idea&amp;ndash;! ''[Elizabeth gives them a look]'' ...Yes. I did know something...
:'''Martin''': ...Yes. Technically, yes.
:'''Chessy''': I had an inkling, anyway...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Emerging from the pool soaking wet]''
:'''Nick''': Hello, Liz.
:'''Elizabeth:''' Hello, Nick.  Well, gosh.  There you are.  What do you know?
:'''Nick''': Is there something going on here that I should know about? Because I'm stunned to see you. But, ah, you don't seem as stunned to see me. I mean I haven't seen or heard from you in what, 10, 11 years?  And all of sudden on the very day that ...
:'''Annie''': ''[suddenly appearing, interrupting]'' Dad, I can explain why she's here.
:'''Nick''': Hallie, you know who this is?
:'''Annie''': Actually, yes. And actually, I'm not Hallie.
:'''Hallie''': ''[suddenly appearing]'' Actually, I am.
:'''Nick''': Both of them? Annie, Hallie?
:'''Annie''': I guess you and Mum kind of think alike because you both sent us to the same camp, and we met there, and the whole thing just sort of spilled out.
:'''Elizabeth''': They switched places on us, Nick.
:'''Nick''': You mean I've had Annie with me all this time?
:'''Annie''': Well, I wanted to know what you were like and Hallie wanted to know Mum and &amp;ndash; are you angry?
:'''Nick''': Oh, honey, of course not. I just can't believe it's you. ''[they hug]'' Last time I saw you, you had diaper rash. You're all wet.
:'''Annie''': That's all right.
:'''Nick''': Look at you!
:'''Annie''': Well I'm quite grown up now and quite without a father.
:'''Hallie''': And I'm headed into my crazy mixed up teenage years and I'll be the only girl I know without a mother to fight with.
:'''Nick''': Hallie, you've been in London all this time? ''[Hallie nods]'' Come here, squirt. ''[they hug]''
:'''Hallie''': Mom's amazing, Dad. I don't know how you ever let her go.
:'''Elizabeth''': Girls, why-why don't you let your father and I talk alone for a couple of minutes, okay?
:'''Hallie''': Take '''''your time.''''' ''[Annie and Hallie walk away]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[during their camping trip]''
:'''Annie''': Need a hand, Mer?
:'''Meredith''': '''''&lt;big&gt;Not from you, thank you. Don't think I can’t see past those angelic faces. One more trick from you two, and I promise I'll make your lives miserable from the day I say &quot;I do&quot;. Got it?&lt;/big&gt;''''' 
:'''Hallie''': Got it, [[w:Cruella de Vil|Cruella]].
:'''Meredith''': What did you call me?
:'''Hallie''': Nothing. Not a thing, '''''Cruella'''''. Oh, by the way, Mer. I think there's something on your head. ''[A lizard is seen on top of her head]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Hallie and Annie have played a prank on Meredith by dragging her on her mattress while asleep into the lake]''
:'''Meredith''': ''[waking up, realizing she’s in the middle of the lake, screams and falls in the lake]'' '''''&lt;big&gt;Nicky!&lt;/big&gt;'''''
:'''Nick''': Oh, man!
:''[Meredith, furious, storms up to Nick]''
:'''Nick''': What's goin’ on?
:'''Meredith''': ''[wet from swimming back to shore]'' Here's what's going on, '''''buddy''''': the day we get married is the day I ship those brats off to [[Switzerland]], get the picture? It's me, or them. Take your pick.
:'''Nick''': Them.
:''[Hallie and Annie stare at each other excitedly]''
:'''Meredith''': Excuse me?
:'''Nick''': T-H-E-M. Them. ''[staring into Meredith's face]'' Get the picture?
:''[Meredith screams angrily while staring at Nick and storms off]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[last lines]''
:'''Elizabeth''': ''[thinking she is talking to her father, who has a newspaper up]'' Hey stranger.
:'''Hallie''': ''[puts down newspaper]'' Hey Mom, did you know that the Concorde gets you here in half the time?
:'''Elizabeth''': ''[flustered]'' Yes, I, I've heard that...
:'''Annie''': ''[after Hallie surprises Elizabeth and Annie by arriving in London and showing up at their home before Elizabeth and Annie do]'' What are '''''you''''' doing here?
:'''Hallie''': It took us about 30 seconds after you guys left for us to realize we didn't wanna lose you two again.
:'''Elizabeth''': '''''We?'''''
:'''Nick''': ''[walking in from another room]'' We. I made the mistake of not coming after you once, Lizzie. I'm not gonna do that again no matter how brave you are.
:'''Elizabeth''': And I suppose you just expect me to go weak at the knees, and fall into your arms, and cry hysterically. And say we'll just figure this whole thing out. A bi-continental relationship with our daughters being raised here and there. And &amp;ndash; And, you and I just picking up where we left off and growing old together. And... and... come on, Nick, what do you expect? To live happily ever after?
:'''Nick''': Yes. To all of the above. Except you don't have to cry hysterically.
:'''Elizabeth''': ''[with tears in her eyes]''  Oh, yes I do. ''[they kiss]''
:''[Annie and Hallie are happy to see their parents back together]''
:'''Hallie''': We actually did it.

==Cast==
* [[Lindsay Lohan]] as Hallie Parker and Annie James
** [[w:Erin Mackey|Erin Mackey]] (acting double)

* [[w:Dennis Quaid|Dennis Quaid]] as Nicholas &quot;Nick&quot; Parker

* [[w:Natasha Richardson|Natasha Richardson]] as Elizabeth &quot;Liz&quot; James

* [[Elaine Hendrix]] as Meredith Blake

* [[w:Lisa Ann Walter|Lisa Ann Walter]] as Chessy

* [[w:Simon Kunz|Simon Kunz]] as Martin

* [[w:Polly Holliday|Polly Holliday]] as Marva Kulp, Sr.

* [[w:Maggie Wheeler|Maggie Wheeler]] as Marva Kulp, Jr.

* [[w:Ronnie Stevens (actor)|Ronnie Stevens]] as Charles James (final film role)

* [[w:Joanna Barnes|Joanna Barnes]] as Vicki Blake

* J. Patrick McCormick as Les Blake

* Molly Mueller as the Lohan double

==External links==
{{Wikipedia}}

[[Category:1998 films]]
[[Category:1990s American films]]
[[Category:Adventure films]]
[[Category:Comedy films]]
[[Category:Comedy-drama films]]
[[Category:Romantic comedy films]]
[[Category:Remake films]]
[[Category:Films about father–daughter relationships‎]]
[[Category:Films about mother–daughter relationships‎]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Donald Trump Jr.</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>191260</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3942514</id>
      <parentid>3889041</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-05-18T20:27:52Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Joreberg</username>
        <id>323041</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* 2026 */ Remember when they said Trump would get us into a full-blown war with Iran?</comment>
      <origin>3942514</origin>
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      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="9305" sha1="r4h0hro1yeyv8hum5aq3oxnllmv993m" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Donald Trump, Jr. 2019 (cropped).jpg|thumb|Donald Trump Jr. in 2019]]
'''[[w:Donald Trump Jr.|Donald John &quot;Don&quot; Trump Jr.]]''' (born December 31, 1977) is an American political activist, businessman, author, and former television presenter. He is the eldest child of the 45th [[w:president of the United States|president of the United States]], [[Donald Trump]], and businesswoman [[Ivana Trump]].

==Quotes==
===2016===
* [[Russians]] make up a pretty disproportionate cross-section of a lot of our assets … We see a lot of money pouring in from Russia. 
** [https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/inside-trumps-financial-ties-to-russia-and-his-unusual-flattery-of-vladimir-putin/2016/06/17/dbdcaac8-31a6-11e6-8ff7-7b6c1998b7a0_story.html 17 June 2016]

* Liberals love the first amendment until you say something they don't agree with.
** [https://twitter.com/DonaldJTrumpJr/status/708474355211227136 11 March 2016 tweet]

* If I had a bowl of skittles and I told you that just three would kill you, would you take a handful? That’s our Syrian refugee problem.
** [https://twitter.com/DonaldJTrumpJr/status/778016283342307328 19 September 2016 tweet]

===2017===
* If it's what you say, I love it, especially later in the summer.
**11 July 2017 [https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2017/07/donald-trumps-jrs-email-exchange/533244/ Junior agrees to an offer to commit treason, with enthusiasm.]

===2018===
* Amazing. I thought this was some sort of joke quote taken out of context but no... it’s just [[Don Lemon]] being a moron. Unfortunately this is how so many leftists actually think. Disgusting! Imagine the outrage if you changed “white men” with any other demographic?
**[https://twitter.com/DonaldJTrumpJr/status/1057644437424271365 31 October 2018 tweet] in response to a quote about some white men being a threat by [[Don Lemon]]

===2020===
* These people are truly morons. I went through the CDC data cause I kept hearing about new infections. But I was like, 'Why aren’t they talking about deaths?' Oh, oh, because the number is almost nothing
** interview with [[Laura Ingraham]], later quoted [https://nymag.com/intelligencer/2020/10/donald-trump-jr-says-coronavirus-deaths-almost-nothing.html 30 October 2020 by Intelligencer]

* 70 million pissed off [[republican]]s and not one city burned to the ground.
**[https://twitter.com/DonaldJTrumpJr/status/1325203148684718086 7 November 2020 tweet]

===2021===
* He's got to condemn this sh*t ASAP. 
* We need an Oval office address. He has to lead now. It has gone too far and gotten out of hand.
** [https://edition.cnn.com/2021/12/13/politics/trump-jr-text-mark-meadows-january-6/index.html Text messages] to White House chief of staff Mark Meadows on January 6 2021, urging Meadows to make Donald Trump stop the attack on the Congress Building.   

* This gathering [at the Ellipse] should send a message to them. This isn't their [[Republican Party]] anymore. This is [[Donald Trump]]'s Republican Party.&lt;br&gt;You can be a hero, or you can be a zero. And the choice is yours. But we are all watching. The whole world is watching, folks. Choose wisely.
** According to [https://www.cnn.com/2021/01/08/politics/melania-trump-white-house-capitol-riot/?hpt=ob_blogfooterold Melania Trump and adult Trump children avoid the spotlight after one of nation's darkest days] posted January 8, 2021

* [[w:Freedom of speech|Free Speech]] Is Under Attack! [[Censorship]] is happening like NEVER before! Don’t let them silence us. Sign up at http:// DONJR.COM to stay connected! If I get thrown off my social platforms I’ll let you know my thoughts and where I end up!
**[https://twitter.com/DonaldJTrumpJr/status/1355126188662898691 29 January 2021 tweet]

* The [[hypocrisy]] of those trying to cancel [[Ted Cruz]] who have been totally [[silent]] on their Democrat Governor’s incompetence is telling 
**[https://twitter.com/DonaldJTrumpJr/status/1362539576963837952 18 February 2021 tweet]

*I’m pretty sure they’re not chanting “Let’s go Brandon” as the NBC reporter is telling us. What do you hear? #fjb&lt;br /&gt;Great to see real America representing loud and proud @TALLADEGA today.🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸 “Let’s go, Brandon!” 🤣🤣🤣
**3 October 2021 tweets at [https://twitter.com/DonaldJTrumpJr/status/1444648595244920835 9am] and [https://twitter.com/DonaldJTrumpJr/status/1444736570326671361 2pm] in response to the crowd chanting &quot;Fuck [[Joe Biden]]!&quot; during an interview with [[w:Brandon Brown (racing driver)|Brandon Brown]] which was misreported as &quot;Let's go Biden&quot; (clarified [https://www.thewrap.com/lets-go-brandon-brown-nascar-interview-joe-biden-chant/ by Andi Ortiz of The Wrap])

*If [[Kyle Rittenhouse]] is a white supremacist, like the Democrats/Media have so desperately portrayed him, why’d he only shoot white people in self defense? Why do the vast majority of people not know that minor detail?
**14 November 2021 [https://twitter.com/DonaldJTrumpJr/status/1459955623307665421 tweet]

===2022===
*Sorry @ivankatrump but what kind of big brother would I really be if I showed restraint and didn’t post this???
**23 September 2022 [https://www.instagram.com/p/Ci2f1WkOyko post] on Instagram to his sister [[Ivanka Trump]]

* Got my Paul Pelosi Halloween costume ready.
** Text on a picture, shared on social media, showing underwear and a hammer, after 82 year old Paul Pelosi, the husband of House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, was hit by a hammer when an intruder broke into their house in the middle of the night, shouting &quot;where's Nancy&quot;.  Paul Pelosi got a skull fracture and other injuries.  Quoted in [https://edition.cnn.com/2022/10/31/politics/donald-trump-jr-paul-pelosi-reaction/index.html &quot;Donald Trump Jr.’s reaction to Paul Pelosi’s attack shows exactly how low we have sunk&quot;], ''CNN'' (October 31, 2022)

===2023===
* Pennsylvania managed to elect a vegetable.
* I’d love for [[John Fetterman]] to have, like, good gainful employment. Maybe he could be, like, a bag guy at a grocery store. But, like, is it unreasonable for me to expect, as a citizen of the United States of America, to have a United States senator have basic cognitive function?
** [https://news.yahoo.com/don-jr-goes-fetterman-rant-175646364.html &quot;Don Jr goes on Fetterman rant at CPAC: 'Pennsylvania managed to elect a vegetable'&quot;], Yahoo News (3 March 2023)

* [can’t recall using GAAP except] probably in Accounting 101 at Wharton
** [https://fortune.com/2023/11/01/donald-trump-trial-sons-eric-don-jr-testimony-accounting-gaap-standards/ Donald Trump’s sons are about to testify. Trump Jr. can’t recall using GAAP except 'probably in Accounting 101 at Wharton'] (BYMICHAEL R. SISAK AND THE ASSOCIATED PRESS November 1, 2023, 8:15 AM PDT)

=== 2025 ===
* What I want to know is how did Dr. Jill Biden miss stage five metastatic cancer or is this yet another cover-up???
** Written about Jill Biden, who has a doctoral degree in education.  Quoted in [https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-jr-joe-biden-cancer-2073938 &quot;Donald Trump Jr. Raises 'Cover-up' Question Over Joe Biden Cancer Diagnosis&quot;], ''Newsweek'' (May 19, 2025)

* I guess you'd call me hyper-rational, stoic. 
** Quoted in [https://www.yahoo.com/news/fact-check-arlington-national-cemetery-020000484.html &quot;Fact Check: Arlington National Cemetery reminded Donald Trump Jr. of his family's 'sacrifices,' he wrote&quot;], ''Yahoo News / Snopes'' (June 2, 2025)

=== 2026 ===
* Remember when they said Trump would get us into a full-blown war with Iran?&lt;br&gt;Times like these should make us all realize how lucky we were to have Trump, his strength and his resolve.
** [https://x.com/DonaldJTrumpJr/status/1779254391968498012 Tweet] on April 13, 2024, quoted in [https://www.aol.com/articles/donald-trump-jr-old-tweet-152430000.html &quot;Donald Trump Jr.’s Old Tweet About Iran War Resurfaces&quot;] ''Reality Tea / AOL'' (May 13, 2026)

==Disputed==
* How can you say [[Donald Trump|you]] love us? You don't love us! You don't even love yourself. You just love your money.
** September 1990 article [http://www.vanityfair.com/magazine/2015/07/donald-ivana-trump-divorce-prenup-marie-brenner reposted July 2015] references an unspecified friend of Ivana's saying that Trump Jr. said this at twelve years old, he has not confirmed it

==Quotes about==
*I chased this story for a year and he just...tweeted it out.
**[[Jared Yates Sexton]], [https://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/journalist-worked-on-story-for-year-trump-jr-tweeted-it-out July 11, 2017], about a meeting between Donald Trump Jr and Natalia Veselnitskaya, a Russian lawyer.

== See also ==
* [[Eric Trump]]

== External links== 
* https://twitter.com/DonaldJTrumpJr ([[Twitter]] account) 
{{Sister project links|w=Donald Trump Jr|wikt=no|b=no|s=?|commons=Donald Trump Jr|n=no|v=no|species=no|d=Q3713655|voy=no|m=no|mw=no}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Trump, Donald}}
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[[Category:Members of the Republican Party (United States)]]
[[Category:Conspiracy theorists]]
[[Category:Nationalists]]
[[Category:Television personalities]]
[[Category:Conservatives from the United States]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Zabel Sibil Asadour</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>191776</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3942424</id>
      <parentid>3735346</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-05-18T15:48:35Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor />
      <comment>removed [[Category:Women authors]]; added [[Category:Women authors from Armenia]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]]</comment>
      <origin>3942424</origin>
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      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="1207" sha1="bthnyndvqc2p4jbna3fzrvm74i0g8lm" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Zabel Sibil Asadour|Zabel Sibil Asadour]]''' (Armenian - Զապէլ Ասատուր) better known by her literary pseudonym '''Sibil''' (Armenian - Սիպիլ) was born as '''Zabel Hovhannesi Khanjian''' (Armenian - Զապէլ Յովհաննէսի Խանճեան), (July 23, 1863 in Üsküdar district, İstanbul - June 19, 1934), was a famous ethnic Armenian poet, writer, publisher, educator and philanthropist.

{{author-stub}}
== Quotes ==
* There are other tears, bright, clear, untroubled,&lt;br&gt;Shining as the sun, untouched of care.
** [http://armenianhouse.org/blackwell/armenian-poems/zabel-assatour.html ''The Ideal'']

* It is a thorny rose, which draws red blooddrops from thine heart—&lt;br&gt;The delicate bright ribbon of the rainbow, o’er thee hung.
** [http://armenianhouse.org/blackwell/armenian-poems/zabel-assatour.html ''Tears'']

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Asadour, Zabel Sibil}}
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[[Category:1863 births]]
[[Category:1934 deaths]]
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[[Category:Women authors from Armenia]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Pompeii (film)</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>192835</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3942632</id>
      <parentid>3732852</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-05-19T10:17:54Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>JayAndrewBoy</username>
        <id>3180922</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Dialogue */</comment>
      <origin>3942632</origin>
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      <text bytes="6225" sha1="6c52y3htq74i8kigts9ayt6f9mqmsr9" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Pompeii (film)|Pompeii]]''''' is a [[w:2014 in film|2014]] historical romantic disaster thriller inspired by [[w:Eruption of Mount Vesuvius in 79|eruption of Mount Vesuvius in 79 A.D.]]
:''Directed by [[w:Paul W.S. Anderson|Paul W.S. Anderson]]. Produced by [[w:Jeremy Bolt|Jeremy Bolt]], [[w:Don Carmondy|Don Carmondy]] and Paul W.S. Anderson.''
{{center/s}}'''No warning. No escape.'''[[#Taglines|taglines]]{{center/e}}

==Milo==
* I could ride before I could walk.

==Cassia==
* Senator, you have mistaken me for the kind of woman who drapes herself across your lap in Rome.

* Too many arrogant men who flatter you with their presence.

* Men killing each other for our amusement is not a sport.

* Is this the end of the world? Why would the gods let this happen?

==Atticus==
* Now who's the poor bastard who has to die for my freedom?

* You were right, brother. Everything they promised, nothing but lies.

==Senator Corvus==
* ''[first lines]'' The Governor wants these trade routes re-opened. These rebel Celts need to be dealt with once and for all. This entire territory requires a clear and well-defined message.

* He would not dare!

* Show these cowards what happens when you dare to challenge the might of Rome.

* On further consideration, I have decided ''not'' to invest in your little city. ''[stabs Severus]''

* This is suicide. Turn around! Back! ''[gets blocked by a massive crowd of civilians]'' Out of the way! Get out of the way!

* One thousand denarii to the man who brings me the head of that slave!

==Golden Mascots==
* By the patronage of Marcus Cassius Severus, and to the glory of Emperor Titus, remember, all here, the mighty victory of Senator Quintas Attius Corvus and his annihilation of the Celtic rebellion.

* The rebel Celts are in retreat, leaving rape and slaughter in their wake, returning to their unholy lair to feast on the flesh of their innocent victims.

* Quintas Attius Corvus gave them every chance to surrender, but mercy was an alien concept to these savages. And with heavy heart, Quintas Attius Corvus ordered his mighty legions, in the name of the Emperor, to attack!

==Dialogue==
: '''Atticus''': It is the gods. They have a plan for us all.
: '''Milo''': Perhaps.
: '''Atticus''': What do you mean?
: '''Milo''': Tonight, I saw the man who killed my family. Perhaps the gods spared me for a reason.
: '''Atticus''': The Romans took my family from me, 20 years ago. At night, I try to remember their faces, but I cannot. But I know that one day, the gods will bring me back to them.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
: '''Severus''': I don't have time for this, Graecus; what are you suggesting? We cancel the games?
: '''Graecus''': Of course not, merely postpone them.
: '''Severus''': This amphitheatre has stood for a hundred years. It withstood the great earthquake.
: '''Graecus''': It may not be safe. Use your eyes. I'm just saying, I cannot be held responsible for what may happen.
: '''Severus''': Then don't be. I take full responsibility. How can we expect Rome to trust us to rebuild an entire city, if we can't stage a simple bloody spectacle?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
: '''Milo''': This isn't a battle.
: '''Atticus''': What?
: '''Milo''': This is a massacre,
: '''Atticus''': How do you know?
: '''Milo''': Because I was there.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
: '''Cassia''': Is this what you call sport?
: '''Corvus''': No, Lady Cassia, this is not sport, this is politics.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
: '''Milo''': I know you.
: '''Proculus''': Really? Well, whatever revenge you think you're going to have, I'm afraid you'll be disappointed.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
: '''Proculus''': You're brave, I'll give you that. But no savage could ever be the match of a Roman.
: '''Milo''': How about 20 of us?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
: '''Atticus''': Where are you going?
: '''Milo''': I have to find her.
: '''Atticus''': Milo, this is madness! We have to get to the harbour and find a boat; the mountain is going to kill us all!
: '''Milo''': She risked her life for me, Atticus, risked ''everything'' for me! Without her, they would have killed us in that arena!
: '''Atticus''': Then we'll go together.
: '''Milo''': No. You have your freedom, my friend. Now, she is mine.
: '''Atticus''': Then we'll meet at the harbour.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
: ''[Following a duel, Proculus wounds Atticus.]''
: '''Proculus''': A barbarian does not die...the equal of a Roman.
: ''[turns to go, but Atticus grabs his hand, breaks the blade and points it towards him]''
: '''Atticus''': Let's see...if a Roman can die...the equal of a gladiator.
: ''[grabs Proculus' neck and pushes the blade towards it]''
: '''Proculus''': Please. Please.
: '''Atticus''': Gladiators...'''do...not...beg!'''
: ''[stabs Proculus]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
: ''[After Cassia chains Corvus to a building, Milo gets the chance to kill him.]''
: '''Corvus''': Wait, wait, wait! Who are you to do this to me?! I am Senator Quintas Attius Corvus!
: '''Milo''': And what is that worth, Senator Quintas Attius Corvus? You killed my family, you slaughtered my people, and make no mistake... ''my gods are coming for you.''
: ''[Milo leaves with Cassia as a pyroclastic surge erupts from Mount Vesuvius.]''

== Taglines ==
* No warning. No escape.

* A City will Fall. A Hero will Rise.

==Cast==
* [[w:Kit Harrington|Kit Harrington]] - Milo
* [[w:Emily Browning|Emily Browning]] - Cassia Severa
* [[Kiefer Sutherland]] - Senator Quintus Attius Corvus
* [[w:Carrie-Anne Moss|Carrie-Anne Moss]] - Aurelia
* [[w:Jared Harris|Jared Harris]] - Marcus Cassius Severus
* [[w:Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje|Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje]] - Atticus
* [[w:Jessica Lucas|Jessica Lucas]] - Ariadne
* [[w:Joe Pingue|Joe Pingue]] - Graecus
* [[w:Currie Graham|Currie Graham]] - Bellator
* [[w:Sasha Roiz|Sasha Roiz]] - Marcus Proculus
* [[w:Dalmar Abuzeid|Dalmar Abuzeid]] - Felix

== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|id=1921064|title=Pompeii}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|id=pompeii_2013|title=Pompeii}}
* {{mojo title|id=pompeii|title=Pompeii}}
* {{metacritic film|id=pompeii|title=Pompeii}}

[[Category:2010s American films]]
[[Category:2014 films]]
[[Category:Epic films]]
[[Category:Films about volcanoes]]
[[Category:Historical films]]</text>
      <sha1>6c52y3htq74i8kigts9ayt6f9mqmsr9</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Layal Abboud</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>197564</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3942328</id>
      <parentid>3917251</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-05-18T14:11:28Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3942328</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="3948" sha1="bmdxi4zatlbus9qnlgdr1ce92e85ii9" xml:space="preserve">{{translation}}
[[File:Layal Abboud - Ememe Plaza Palace - Beirut - Julaị 2015 - Lebanọn 15 (Cropped).jpg|thumb|[[Egwu]] bụ Ndụ M.{{center/s}} Julaị 16, 2014{{center/e}} ]] '''[[w:Layal Abboud|Layal Abboud]]''' (Arabic: ليال عبود:[layāl ˈabˈboud]; amụrụ na 15 Mee 1982) bụ onye Lebanese na-akụ egwú pop, onye na-eme ihe omume egwu ọdịnala, onye na-ede uri ụda, onye na-agba egwú na kọnsert, nlereanya kwesịrị ekwesị, onye nlekọta mmadụ Alakụba na nwanyị na-eme azụmahịa.
 == Ndị Ntụgharị Ọnụ ==

=== 2008 ===
Onye na-ese ihe kwesịrị ijikọta olu ya mara mma, ọdịdị ya nke mpụga na coquetry na mollycoddle ma nwee ịdị iche site na nnwale, n'echiche m. E nwere nnukwu ọdịiche n'etiti ịdị nwanyị, coquetry, nnwale na nrịda.
M na-asọ mpi n'onwe m, ndị mmadụ ga-ekpe ikpe ma ò dịrị m ka m nọrọ n'ọtụtụ ahụ ma ọ bụ na ọ bụghị. ** Jenụwarị 16, 2008; [http://www.aljarida.com/articles/1461245935503330200/ Al-Jarida]
A na m ebi ndụ n'ịhụnanya na oge ọ bụla na na abụ ọ bụla.
** Ọgọst 5, 2008; [http://jouhina.com/magazine/archive_article.php?id=103 Ajụjụ ọnụ na Jouhina Magazine ] 
=== 2009 ===

Ụzọ nka ji nnụnụ wụsara n'akụkụ ya. ** June 10, 2009; [http://www.alkhaleej.ae/supplements/page/9522cefb-de34-4270-a674-ae2dd76da0ad alkhaleej.ae]
Ọ bụrụ na anyị anaghị amụta site na ntụmadụ anyị, anyị agaghị enwe ike ito eto. ** Septemba 27, 2009; [http://www.gerasanews.com/article/17106 gerasanews.com]

=== 2012 ===
Afọ ọ bụla n'ime nka kwekọrọ na afọ iri 10 dị na ndụ nkịtị, n'echiche m; Nka na-eri ahụ ike nke ukwuu ma na-emebi ahụ.
Ọ dịghị onye na-asọ mpi mụ na ya, mụ onwe m na-anaghị anwa isọ mpi na onye ọ bụla, ihe m na-achọ bụ ịdị mma na ịdị iche iche n'ọrụ m.
February 1, 2012; [http://www.alittihad.ae/details.php?id=10749&amp;y=2012&amp;article=full Al-Ittihad]
=== 2014 ===
*'''[[Egwu]] bụ [[ndụ]] m'''.

Onye ode abụ ga-abụ onye odide uri n'ụzọ eke.
Enwere m ike ibi na Beirut, mana echere m na Egypt mara mma ma enwere m mmetụta dịka ọ bụ obodo nke abụọ m. ** Julai 16, 2014; [http://www.insight-egypt.com/celebrities/layal-abboud/july-16/214 Ajụjụ ọnụ site na Insight Magazine] === 2016 ===
Nwoke bụ ọkara nke nwanyị, onye na-enyere ya aka na onye na-anọ n'akụkụ ya, onye na-eme ka o nwee afọ ojuju, ma nwoke kwesịrị inwe anyaụfụ [''[[w:Gheerah|Gheerah]]''] ''na'' nwunye ya ọ bụghị ''na'' ya.

N'oge ntorobịa m, onye agbata obi anyị nwere ehi, ana m ekwe ka ọ na-eme m mwam na m bụrụrị nne ehi.
Ụmụ nwanyị bụ 25% uche, 75% mmetụta. **  June 23, 2016; [https://www.elfann.com/news/show/1154314/ليال-عبود-زوجي-خانني-وخفت-عنوان-أكبر-هيدا-الصدر Ajụjụ ọnụ site na Radio Strike] 
=== 2017 ===
Enwere m mmasị ịbụ nwanyị mara mma mgbe m na-ele onwe m anya n'igwe anya. ** June 15, 2017; [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3LcMvesgyTM Al Kahera Walnas]

==External links==
{{Sister project links|w= Layal Abboud|wikt=no|b=no|s=no|commons=ليال عبود|n=no|v=no|species=no|d=Q12237722|voy=no|m=no|mw=no}}

* [https://www.facebook.com/Layalabboudofficial Layal Abboud] on [[Facebook]]
* [https://www.instagram.com/layalabboud/ Layal Abboud] on Instagram
* [https://www.youtube.com/user/LayalAbboudofficial Layal Abboud] on YouTube

{{DEFAULTSORT:Abboud, Layal}}
[[Category:1982 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Models from Lebanon]]
[[Category:Dancers from Lebanon]]
[[Category:Multi-instrumentalists]]
[[Category:Women guitarists]]
[[Category:Philanthropists]]
[[Category:Businesswomen]]
[[Category:Pop singers]]
[[Category:Folk singers]]
[[Category:Poets]]
[[Category:Diarists]]
[[Category:Women authors]]
[[Category:Muslims]]
[[Category:Arabs]]</text>
      <sha1>bmdxi4zatlbus9qnlgdr1ce92e85ii9</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3942329</id>
      <parentid>3942328</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-05-18T14:11:43Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3942329</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="3967" sha1="2295k2s13g81p5s17w0ono71pm1qk2n" xml:space="preserve">{{translation}}
{{people-cleanup}}
[[File:Layal Abboud - Ememe Plaza Palace - Beirut - Julaị 2015 - Lebanọn 15 (Cropped).jpg|thumb|[[Egwu]] bụ Ndụ M.{{center/s}} Julaị 16, 2014{{center/e}} ]] '''[[w:Layal Abboud|Layal Abboud]]''' (Arabic: ليال عبود:[layāl ˈabˈboud]; amụrụ na 15 Mee 1982) bụ onye Lebanese na-akụ egwú pop, onye na-eme ihe omume egwu ọdịnala, onye na-ede uri ụda, onye na-agba egwú na kọnsert, nlereanya kwesịrị ekwesị, onye nlekọta mmadụ Alakụba na nwanyị na-eme azụmahịa.
 == Ndị Ntụgharị Ọnụ ==

=== 2008 ===
Onye na-ese ihe kwesịrị ijikọta olu ya mara mma, ọdịdị ya nke mpụga na coquetry na mollycoddle ma nwee ịdị iche site na nnwale, n'echiche m. E nwere nnukwu ọdịiche n'etiti ịdị nwanyị, coquetry, nnwale na nrịda.
M na-asọ mpi n'onwe m, ndị mmadụ ga-ekpe ikpe ma ò dịrị m ka m nọrọ n'ọtụtụ ahụ ma ọ bụ na ọ bụghị. ** Jenụwarị 16, 2008; [http://www.aljarida.com/articles/1461245935503330200/ Al-Jarida]
A na m ebi ndụ n'ịhụnanya na oge ọ bụla na na abụ ọ bụla.
** Ọgọst 5, 2008; [http://jouhina.com/magazine/archive_article.php?id=103 Ajụjụ ọnụ na Jouhina Magazine ] 
=== 2009 ===

Ụzọ nka ji nnụnụ wụsara n'akụkụ ya. ** June 10, 2009; [http://www.alkhaleej.ae/supplements/page/9522cefb-de34-4270-a674-ae2dd76da0ad alkhaleej.ae]
Ọ bụrụ na anyị anaghị amụta site na ntụmadụ anyị, anyị agaghị enwe ike ito eto. ** Septemba 27, 2009; [http://www.gerasanews.com/article/17106 gerasanews.com]

=== 2012 ===
Afọ ọ bụla n'ime nka kwekọrọ na afọ iri 10 dị na ndụ nkịtị, n'echiche m; Nka na-eri ahụ ike nke ukwuu ma na-emebi ahụ.
Ọ dịghị onye na-asọ mpi mụ na ya, mụ onwe m na-anaghị anwa isọ mpi na onye ọ bụla, ihe m na-achọ bụ ịdị mma na ịdị iche iche n'ọrụ m.
February 1, 2012; [http://www.alittihad.ae/details.php?id=10749&amp;y=2012&amp;article=full Al-Ittihad]
=== 2014 ===
*'''[[Egwu]] bụ [[ndụ]] m'''.

Onye ode abụ ga-abụ onye odide uri n'ụzọ eke.
Enwere m ike ibi na Beirut, mana echere m na Egypt mara mma ma enwere m mmetụta dịka ọ bụ obodo nke abụọ m. ** Julai 16, 2014; [http://www.insight-egypt.com/celebrities/layal-abboud/july-16/214 Ajụjụ ọnụ site na Insight Magazine] === 2016 ===
Nwoke bụ ọkara nke nwanyị, onye na-enyere ya aka na onye na-anọ n'akụkụ ya, onye na-eme ka o nwee afọ ojuju, ma nwoke kwesịrị inwe anyaụfụ [''[[w:Gheerah|Gheerah]]''] ''na'' nwunye ya ọ bụghị ''na'' ya.

N'oge ntorobịa m, onye agbata obi anyị nwere ehi, ana m ekwe ka ọ na-eme m mwam na m bụrụrị nne ehi.
Ụmụ nwanyị bụ 25% uche, 75% mmetụta. **  June 23, 2016; [https://www.elfann.com/news/show/1154314/ليال-عبود-زوجي-خانني-وخفت-عنوان-أكبر-هيدا-الصدر Ajụjụ ọnụ site na Radio Strike] 
=== 2017 ===
Enwere m mmasị ịbụ nwanyị mara mma mgbe m na-ele onwe m anya n'igwe anya. ** June 15, 2017; [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3LcMvesgyTM Al Kahera Walnas]

==External links==
{{Sister project links|w= Layal Abboud|wikt=no|b=no|s=no|commons=ليال عبود|n=no|v=no|species=no|d=Q12237722|voy=no|m=no|mw=no}}

* [https://www.facebook.com/Layalabboudofficial Layal Abboud] on [[Facebook]]
* [https://www.instagram.com/layalabboud/ Layal Abboud] on Instagram
* [https://www.youtube.com/user/LayalAbboudofficial Layal Abboud] on YouTube

{{DEFAULTSORT:Abboud, Layal}}
[[Category:1982 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Models from Lebanon]]
[[Category:Dancers from Lebanon]]
[[Category:Multi-instrumentalists]]
[[Category:Women guitarists]]
[[Category:Philanthropists]]
[[Category:Businesswomen]]
[[Category:Pop singers]]
[[Category:Folk singers]]
[[Category:Poets]]
[[Category:Diarists]]
[[Category:Women authors]]
[[Category:Muslims]]
[[Category:Arabs]]</text>
      <sha1>2295k2s13g81p5s17w0ono71pm1qk2n</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Epicharmus of Kos</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>198708</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3942296</id>
      <parentid>3942283</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-05-18T12:46:04Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>En-cor-Zenodoti</username>
        <id>3308631</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>two more genuine quotes</comment>
      <origin>3942296</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="3332" sha1="dtnl0i5ixrvx3bikecelp8bbphxau1m" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Epicharmus of Kos|Epicharmus]] of [[w:Kos|Kos]]''' (c. 540 – c. 450 BC) was a [[Greek]] [[w:dramatist|dramatist]] and [[philosopher]].

{{author-stub}}
== Quotes ==
* οὐ λέγειν τύ γ᾿ ἐσσὶ δεινός, ἀλλὰ σιγῆν ἀδύνατος.
** You are not skilled at speaking: you are only incapable of keeping silent.
** Frg. 184 K.-A. = B 29 DK (tr. [https://archive.org/details/bwb_S0-BIF-010/page/36/mode/2up K. Freeman, 1948])

* ἁ δὲ χεὶρ τὰν χεῖρα νίζει· δός τι καὶ λάβε τι.
** One hand washes the other; give and take.
** Frg. 211 K.-A. = B 30 DK (tr. [https://archive.org/details/dictionaryofquot00harbiala/page/308/mode/2up T. B. Harbottle, 1897])

* νοῦς ὁρῇ καὶ νοῦς ἀκούει· τἆλλα κωφὰ καὶ τυφλά.
** Mind sees and Mind hears; everything else is deaf and blind.
** Frg. 214 K.-A. = B 12 DK (tr. [https://archive.org/details/bwb_S0-BIF-010/page/36/mode/2up K. Freeman, 1948])

* νᾶφε καὶ μέμνασ᾿ ἀπιστεῖν· ἄρθρα ταῦτα τᾶν φρενῶν.
** Keep sober and remember to be mistrustful: these are the joints of the intelligence.
** Frg. 218 K.-A. = B 13 DK (tr. [https://archive.org/details/bwb_S0-BIF-010/page/36/mode/2up K. Freeman, 1948])

* ''emori nolo, sed me esse mortuum nihil aestimo.''
* I have no desire to die, but I count my death as nothing.
** Frg. 230 K.-A. = B 11 DK (tr. [https://archive.org/details/onlivingdyingwel0000cice/page/15/mode/2up T. Habinek, 2012])
** Latin translation by [[Cicero]] (''Tusc. Disp.'' I.15); original Greek partially preserved in {{w|Sextus Empiricus}} (''Adv. math.'' I.273) but not intelligible: ἀποθανεῖν † ἢ τεθνάναι οὔ μοι διαφέρει.

{{Misattributed begin}}

=== ''Pseudepicharmea'' ===
:&lt;small&gt;These gnomic verses were popularly circulated as Epicharmus' in antiquity, but were already recognised as spurious by {{w|Aristoxenus}} (frg. 45 Wehrli).&lt;/small&gt;

* καθαρὸν ἂν τὸν νοῦν ἔχῃς, ἅπαν τὸ σῶμα καθαρὸς εἶ.
** Keep a clean mind and you will be clean in body.
** Frg. 258 K.-A. = B 26 DK (tr. [https://archive.org/details/dictionaryofquot00harbiala/page/396/mode/2up T. B. Harbottle, 1897])

* οὐ μετανοεῖν ἀλλὰ προνοεῖν χρὴ τὸν ἄνδρα τὸν σοφόν.
** The wise man must be wise before, not after the event.
** Frg. 263 K.-A. = B 41 DK (tr. [https://archive.org/details/dictionaryofquot00harbiala/page/454/mode/2up T. B. Harbottle, 1897])

* ἐπιπολάζειν οὔτι χρὴ τὸν θυμόν, ἀλλὰ τὸν νόον.
** Judgment, not passion, should prevail.
** Frg. 264 K.-A. = B 43 DK (tr. [https://archive.org/details/dictionaryofquot00harbiala/page/372/mode/2up T. B. Harbottle, 1897])

* ὄνος δ᾿ ὄνῳ κάλλιστον, ὗς δέ θην ὑί.
** Ass fairest is to ass, and pig to pig.
** Frg. 279 K.-A. = B 5 DK (tr. [https://archive.org/details/dictionaryofquot00harbiala/page/400/mode/2up T. B. Harbottle, 1897])

{{Misattributed end}}

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Epicharmus Of Kos}}
[[Category:BCE deaths]]
[[Category:Philosophers from Greece]]
[[Category:Playwrights from Greece]]
[[Category:Poets from Greece]]</text>
      <sha1>dtnl0i5ixrvx3bikecelp8bbphxau1m</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3942299</id>
      <parentid>3942296</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-05-18T12:47:42Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>En-cor-Zenodoti</username>
        <id>3308631</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Quotes */ edition used</comment>
      <origin>3942299</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="3482" sha1="iglxa2rdeas8ffyzwyrr0h6as4b4xd4" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Epicharmus of Kos|Epicharmus]] of [[w:Kos|Kos]]''' (c. 540 – c. 450 BC) was a [[Greek]] [[w:dramatist|dramatist]] and [[philosopher]].

{{author-stub}}
== Quotes ==
:&lt;small&gt;Greek text cited from R. Kassel, C. Austin, ''Poetae Comici Graeci, vol. I Comoedia Dorica, Mimi, Phlyaces'' (Berlin-New York, 2001).&lt;/small&gt;
* οὐ λέγειν τύ γ᾿ ἐσσὶ δεινός, ἀλλὰ σιγῆν ἀδύνατος.
** You are not skilled at speaking: you are only incapable of keeping silent.
** Frg. 184 K.-A. = B 29 DK (tr. [https://archive.org/details/bwb_S0-BIF-010/page/36/mode/2up K. Freeman, 1948])

* ἁ δὲ χεὶρ τὰν χεῖρα νίζει· δός τι καὶ λάβε τι.
** One hand washes the other; give and take.
** Frg. 211 K.-A. = B 30 DK (tr. [https://archive.org/details/dictionaryofquot00harbiala/page/308/mode/2up T. B. Harbottle, 1897])

* νοῦς ὁρῇ καὶ νοῦς ἀκούει· τἆλλα κωφὰ καὶ τυφλά.
** Mind sees and Mind hears; everything else is deaf and blind.
** Frg. 214 K.-A. = B 12 DK (tr. [https://archive.org/details/bwb_S0-BIF-010/page/36/mode/2up K. Freeman, 1948])

* νᾶφε καὶ μέμνασ᾿ ἀπιστεῖν· ἄρθρα ταῦτα τᾶν φρενῶν.
** Keep sober and remember to be mistrustful: these are the joints of the intelligence.
** Frg. 218 K.-A. = B 13 DK (tr. [https://archive.org/details/bwb_S0-BIF-010/page/36/mode/2up K. Freeman, 1948])

* ''emori nolo, sed me esse mortuum nihil aestimo.''
* I have no desire to die, but I count my death as nothing.
** Frg. 230 K.-A. = B 11 DK (tr. [https://archive.org/details/onlivingdyingwel0000cice/page/15/mode/2up T. Habinek, 2012])
** Latin translation by [[Cicero]] (''Tusc. Disp.'' I.15); original Greek partially preserved in {{w|Sextus Empiricus}} (''Adv. math.'' I.273) but not intelligible: ἀποθανεῖν † ἢ τεθνάναι οὔ μοι διαφέρει.

{{Misattributed begin}}

=== ''Pseudepicharmea'' ===
:&lt;small&gt;These gnomic verses were popularly circulated as Epicharmus' in antiquity, but were already recognised as spurious by {{w|Aristoxenus}} (frg. 45 Wehrli).&lt;/small&gt;

* καθαρὸν ἂν τὸν νοῦν ἔχῃς, ἅπαν τὸ σῶμα καθαρὸς εἶ.
** Keep a clean mind and you will be clean in body.
** Frg. 258 K.-A. = B 26 DK (tr. [https://archive.org/details/dictionaryofquot00harbiala/page/396/mode/2up T. B. Harbottle, 1897])

* οὐ μετανοεῖν ἀλλὰ προνοεῖν χρὴ τὸν ἄνδρα τὸν σοφόν.
** The wise man must be wise before, not after the event.
** Frg. 263 K.-A. = B 41 DK (tr. [https://archive.org/details/dictionaryofquot00harbiala/page/454/mode/2up T. B. Harbottle, 1897])

* ἐπιπολάζειν οὔτι χρὴ τὸν θυμόν, ἀλλὰ τὸν νόον.
** Judgment, not passion, should prevail.
** Frg. 264 K.-A. = B 43 DK (tr. [https://archive.org/details/dictionaryofquot00harbiala/page/372/mode/2up T. B. Harbottle, 1897])

* ὄνος δ᾿ ὄνῳ κάλλιστον, ὗς δέ θην ὑί.
** Ass fairest is to ass, and pig to pig.
** Frg. 279 K.-A. = B 5 DK (tr. [https://archive.org/details/dictionaryofquot00harbiala/page/400/mode/2up T. B. Harbottle, 1897])

{{Misattributed end}}

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Epicharmus Of Kos}}
[[Category:BCE deaths]]
[[Category:Philosophers from Greece]]
[[Category:Playwrights from Greece]]
[[Category:Poets from Greece]]</text>
      <sha1>iglxa2rdeas8ffyzwyrr0h6as4b4xd4</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3942313</id>
      <parentid>3942299</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-05-18T13:02:00Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>En-cor-Zenodoti</username>
        <id>3308631</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor />
      <comment>/* Pseudepicharmea */ exact reference</comment>
      <origin>3942313</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="3484" sha1="m7aanukdazfybyrf9icztatjvq3vyp7" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Epicharmus of Kos|Epicharmus]] of [[w:Kos|Kos]]''' (c. 540 – c. 450 BC) was a [[Greek]] [[w:dramatist|dramatist]] and [[philosopher]].

{{author-stub}}
== Quotes ==
:&lt;small&gt;Greek text cited from R. Kassel, C. Austin, ''Poetae Comici Graeci, vol. I Comoedia Dorica, Mimi, Phlyaces'' (Berlin-New York, 2001).&lt;/small&gt;
* οὐ λέγειν τύ γ᾿ ἐσσὶ δεινός, ἀλλὰ σιγῆν ἀδύνατος.
** You are not skilled at speaking: you are only incapable of keeping silent.
** Frg. 184 K.-A. = B 29 DK (tr. [https://archive.org/details/bwb_S0-BIF-010/page/36/mode/2up K. Freeman, 1948])

* ἁ δὲ χεὶρ τὰν χεῖρα νίζει· δός τι καὶ λάβε τι.
** One hand washes the other; give and take.
** Frg. 211 K.-A. = B 30 DK (tr. [https://archive.org/details/dictionaryofquot00harbiala/page/308/mode/2up T. B. Harbottle, 1897])

* νοῦς ὁρῇ καὶ νοῦς ἀκούει· τἆλλα κωφὰ καὶ τυφλά.
** Mind sees and Mind hears; everything else is deaf and blind.
** Frg. 214 K.-A. = B 12 DK (tr. [https://archive.org/details/bwb_S0-BIF-010/page/36/mode/2up K. Freeman, 1948])

* νᾶφε καὶ μέμνασ᾿ ἀπιστεῖν· ἄρθρα ταῦτα τᾶν φρενῶν.
** Keep sober and remember to be mistrustful: these are the joints of the intelligence.
** Frg. 218 K.-A. = B 13 DK (tr. [https://archive.org/details/bwb_S0-BIF-010/page/36/mode/2up K. Freeman, 1948])

* ''emori nolo, sed me esse mortuum nihil aestimo.''
* I have no desire to die, but I count my death as nothing.
** Frg. 230 K.-A. = B 11 DK (tr. [https://archive.org/details/onlivingdyingwel0000cice/page/15/mode/2up T. Habinek, 2012])
** Latin translation by [[Cicero]] (''Tusc. Disp.'' I.15); original Greek partially preserved in {{w|Sextus Empiricus}} (''Adv. math.'' I.273) but not intelligible: ἀποθανεῖν † ἢ τεθνάναι οὔ μοι διαφέρει.

{{Misattributed begin}}

=== ''Pseudepicharmea'' ===
:&lt;small&gt;These gnomic verses were popularly circulated as Epicharmus' in antiquity, but were already recognised as spurious by {{w|Aristoxenus}} (frg. 45 Wehrli).&lt;/small&gt;

* καθαρὸν ἂν τὸν νοῦν ἔχῃς, ἅπαν τὸ σῶμα καθαρὸς εἶ.
** Keep a clean mind and you will be clean in body.
** Frg. 258 K.-A. = B 26 DK (tr. [https://archive.org/details/dictionaryofquot00harbiala/page/396/mode/2up T. B. Harbottle, 1897])

* οὐ μετανοεῖν ἀλλὰ προνοεῖν χρὴ τὸν ἄνδρα τὸν σοφόν.
** The wise man must be wise before, not after the event.
** Frg. 263 K.-A. = B 41 DK (tr. [https://archive.org/details/dictionaryofquot00harbiala/page/454/mode/2up T. B. Harbottle, 1897])

* ἐπιπολάζειν οὔτι χρὴ τὸν θυμόν, ἀλλὰ τὸν νόον.
** Judgment, not passion, should prevail.
** Frg. 264 K.-A. = B 43 DK (tr. [https://archive.org/details/dictionaryofquot00harbiala/page/372/mode/2up T. B. Harbottle, 1897])

* ὄνος δ᾿ ὄνῳ κάλλιστον, ὗς δέ θην ὑί.
** Ass fairest is to ass, and pig to pig.
** Frg. 279.5 K.-A. = B 5 DK (tr. [https://archive.org/details/dictionaryofquot00harbiala/page/400/mode/2up T. B. Harbottle, 1897])

{{Misattributed end}}

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}

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      <comment>Adding Theocritus' epigram on Epicharmus</comment>
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      <text bytes="4787" sha1="jdjdsrmxp2n3ggn2a5hvag0mew95ol0" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Epicharmus of Kos|Epicharmus]] of [[w:Kos|Kos]]''' (c. 540 – c. 450 BC) was a [[Greek]] [[w:dramatist|dramatist]] and [[philosopher]].

{{author-stub}}
== Quotes ==
:&lt;small&gt;Greek text cited from R. Kassel, C. Austin, ''Poetae Comici Graeci, vol. I Comoedia Dorica, Mimi, Phlyaces'' (Berlin-New York, 2001).&lt;/small&gt;
* οὐ λέγειν τύ γ᾿ ἐσσὶ δεινός, ἀλλὰ σιγῆν ἀδύνατος.
** You are not skilled at speaking: you are only incapable of keeping silent.
** Frg. 184 K.-A. = B 29 DK (tr. [https://archive.org/details/bwb_S0-BIF-010/page/36/mode/2up K. Freeman, 1948])

* ἁ δὲ χεὶρ τὰν χεῖρα νίζει· δός τι καὶ λάβε τι.
** One hand washes the other; give and take.
** Frg. 211 K.-A. = B 30 DK (tr. [https://archive.org/details/dictionaryofquot00harbiala/page/308/mode/2up T. B. Harbottle, 1897])

* νοῦς ὁρῇ καὶ νοῦς ἀκούει· τἆλλα κωφὰ καὶ τυφλά.
** Mind sees and Mind hears; everything else is deaf and blind.
** Frg. 214 K.-A. = B 12 DK (tr. [https://archive.org/details/bwb_S0-BIF-010/page/36/mode/2up K. Freeman, 1948])

* νᾶφε καὶ μέμνασ᾿ ἀπιστεῖν· ἄρθρα ταῦτα τᾶν φρενῶν.
** Keep sober and remember to be mistrustful: these are the joints of the intelligence.
** Frg. 218 K.-A. = B 13 DK (tr. [https://archive.org/details/bwb_S0-BIF-010/page/36/mode/2up K. Freeman, 1948])

* ''emori nolo, sed me esse mortuum nihil aestimo.''
* I have no desire to die, but I count my death as nothing.
** Frg. 230 K.-A. = B 11 DK (tr. [https://archive.org/details/onlivingdyingwel0000cice/page/15/mode/2up T. Habinek, 2012])
** Latin translation by [[Cicero]] (''Tusc. Disp.'' I.15); original Greek partially preserved in {{w|Sextus Empiricus}} (''Adv. math.'' I.273) but not intelligible: ἀποθανεῖν † ἢ τεθνάναι οὔ μοι διαφέρει.

{{Misattributed begin}}

=== ''Pseudepicharmea'' ===
:&lt;small&gt;These gnomic verses were popularly circulated as Epicharmus' in antiquity, but were already recognised as spurious by {{w|Aristoxenus}} (frg. 45 Wehrli).&lt;/small&gt;

* καθαρὸν ἂν τὸν νοῦν ἔχῃς, ἅπαν τὸ σῶμα καθαρὸς εἶ.
** Keep a clean mind and you will be clean in body.
** Frg. 258 K.-A. = B 26 DK (tr. [https://archive.org/details/dictionaryofquot00harbiala/page/396/mode/2up T. B. Harbottle, 1897])

* οὐ μετανοεῖν ἀλλὰ προνοεῖν χρὴ τὸν ἄνδρα τὸν σοφόν.
** The wise man must be wise before, not after the event.
** Frg. 263 K.-A. = B 41 DK (tr. [https://archive.org/details/dictionaryofquot00harbiala/page/454/mode/2up T. B. Harbottle, 1897])

* ἐπιπολάζειν οὔτι χρὴ τὸν θυμόν, ἀλλὰ τὸν νόον.
** Judgment, not passion, should prevail.
** Frg. 264 K.-A. = B 43 DK (tr. [https://archive.org/details/dictionaryofquot00harbiala/page/372/mode/2up T. B. Harbottle, 1897])

* ὄνος δ᾿ ὄνῳ κάλλιστον, ὗς δέ θην ὑί.
** Ass fairest is to ass, and pig to pig.
** Frg. 279.5 K.-A. = B 5 DK (tr. [https://archive.org/details/dictionaryofquot00harbiala/page/400/mode/2up T. B. Harbottle, 1897])

{{Misattributed end}}

== Quotes about Epicharmus ==

* ἅ τε φωνὰ Δώριος χὦνὴρ ὁ τὰν κωμῳδίαν&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;εὑρὼν Ἐπίχαρμος.&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;ὦ Βάκχε, χάλκεόν νιν ἀντ᾿ ἀλαθινοῦ&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;τὶν ὧδ᾿ ἀνέθηκαν&lt;br&gt;τοὶ Συρακούσσαις ἐνίδρυνται, πελωρίσται πόλει,&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;οἷ᾿ ἄνδρα πολίταν.&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;σοφῶν ἔοικε ῥημάτων μεμναμένους&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;τελεῖν ἐπίχειρα·&lt;br&gt;πολλὰ γὰρ ποττὰν ζόαν τοῖς παισὶν εἶπε χρήσιμα.&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;μεγάλα χάρις αὐτῷ.
** Dorian is the speech and Dorian too the man—Epicharmus the inventor of Comedy. In thy honour, Bacchus, since he was their fellow-townsman, the folk that dwell in the splendid city of Syracuse have set him here, in bronze, not flesh and blood. Fitting it is that they who recall his words of wisdom should recompense him, for many precepts serviceable for the ordering of their lives did he utter to the young. Much thanks to him therefore.
** [[Theocritus]], Epigram 18; composed to accompany a statue of Epicharmus in Syracuse.

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}

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  <page>
    <title>Mohammed bin Salman</title>
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      <text bytes="10686" sha1="ium4styh25woqi8aqa3gtmu4wkrk3k6" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Secretary Pompeo Meets with Saudi Crowne Prince Salman Al Saud (48119406442) (cropped).jpg|thumb|Mohammad bin Salman]]

'''[[w:Mohammad bin Salman|Mohammad bin Salman Al Saud]]''' (born 31 August 1985), also known as '''MBS''', is the [[w:Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia|Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia]], First Deputy Prime Minister of [[Saudi Arabia]] and the youngest minister of defense in the world.

==Quotes==  

*You’re from [[United Kingdom|Britain]], and I am a fan of [[Winston Churchill|Churchill]]. And Churchill said that opportunities come during crises. And I recall Churchill’s statement whenever I see the obstacles or the crises in the region. So this is how I view the challenges or the crises in the region.
**2016-01-06, Interview with Muhammad bin Salman, The Economist [http://www.economist.com/saudi_interview]

*And the court did not, at all, make any distinction between whether or not a person is Shi’ite or Sunni. They are reviewing a crime, and a procedure, and a trial, and a sentence, and carrying out the sentence.&quot;
**2016-01-06, on the execution of Nimr Baqir al-Nimr. Interview with Muhammad bin Salman, The Economist

*First of all I’m not the architect of the Yemen operation. We are a country of institutions. The decision to proceed with the operation in [[Yemen]], this is a decision to do with the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, the Ministry of Defence, with the intelligence, the council of ministers, and the council of security and political affairs, and then all recommendations are submitted to His Majesty, and the decision to go forward is with His Majesty.
**2016-01-06, on being called the 'architect' of the Saudi intervention in Yemen. Interview with Muhammad bin Salman, The Economist

*My dream as a young man in [[Saudi Arabia]], and the dreams of men in Saudi Arabia are so many, and I try to compete with them and their dreams, and they compete with mine, to create a better Saudi Arabia.
**2016-01-06, Interview with Muhammad bin Salman, The Economist

*We have our values: it is important to us, the participation in decision making; it is important to us to have our freedom of expression; it is important to us to have human rights. We have our own factors, values and principles as the Saudi society and we try to make progress according to our own needs.
**2016-01-06, Interview with Muhammad bin Salman, The Economist

*We know that we are a main goal for the [[Iran|Iranian]] regime. We will not wait until the battle becomes in Saudi Arabia but we will work to have the battle in Iran rather than in Saudi Arabia
**2017-05-07 [http://www.reuters.com/article/us-iran-saudi-minister/iran-minister-warns-saudi-arabia-after-battle-comments-tasnim-idUSKBN1830Y7]

*We are simply reverting to what we followed – a moderate [[Islam]] open to the world and all religions. 70% of the Saudis are younger than 30, honestly we won’t waste 30 years of our life combating extremist thoughts, we will destroy them now and immediately.
**2017-10-14 [https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/oct/24/i-will-return-saudi-arabia-moderate-islam-crown-prince]

*Adopting unrealistic policies to reduce emissions by excluding main sources of energy will lead in coming years to unprecedented inflation and an increase in energy prices, and rising unemployment and a worsening of serious social and security problems.
**2022-07-16 [https://www.reuters.com/world/middle-east/saudi-crown-prince-says-unrealistic-energy-policies-will-lead-inflation-2022-07-16/]

==Quotes about Mohammed bin Salman==

* As we tried to make sense of [[Donald Trump]]'s [[Trumpism|positions]] or when one of us tried to argue against them, we first had to ask: Why is the president so attracted to [[autocrats]]? After a contentious meeting about the president's engagement with a foreign [[Dictatorship|dictator]], a top [[national security]] aide offered me his take. &quot;The [[President of the United States|president]] sees in these guys what he wishes he had: total [[power]], no term limits, enforced popularity, and the ability to silence critics for good.&quot; He was spot on. It was the simplest explanation. For instance, Donald Trump sympathized with Saudi crown prince bin Salman's violent internal purge in 2017, saying the country's leaders &quot;know exactly what they are doing&quot; and adding that &quot;some of those they are harshly treating have been 'milking' their country for years!&quot; This included long-time US interlocutors who were allegedly held against their will, beaten, imprisoned, or put under house arrest.
** Anonymous, ''A Warning'' (2019), p. 171

* The paradox wouldn’t last. Iran and Saudi Arabia both feared [[Islamic State|ISIS]], but they hated each other more. Secretly, many [[Arabs]] cheered ISIS on, hoping it would bring [[Tehran]] to its knees and put an end to Iranian dreams of hegemony in the region. And as Iran took the lead in fighting ISIS on the ground, it looked like Shias were out to kill any Sunnis, the latest brutal, sectarian mutation of the Saudi-Iran rivalry. Which came first: [[Iran]]’s imperial [[sectarianism]] or the Sunni sense of exceptionalism? By now the dynamic was hard to unpack, but it was about to intensify with the rise of [[w:Salman_of_Saudi_Arabia|King Salman]] and his favorite son, prince Mohammad bin Salman. While [[Barack Obama|Obama]] dismissed Iran’s “destabilizing activity” as a “low-tech, low-cost activity,” Saudi Arabia watched with alarm as Iran poured thousands of men and an estimated $35 billion into [[Syria]] to prop up [[Bashar al-Assad|Assad]]. [[Qasem Soleimani|Suleimani]] was turning into the king of [[Iraq]]. As the US-Iran nuclear negotiations inched closer to a deal in the spring of 2015, the Saudis grew unnerved by the prospect of cash flowing into Iran’s coffers after the lifting of [[United States sanctions|sanctions]]. They seethed as [[United States Secretary of State|US secretary of state]] [[John Kerry]] and the Iranian foreign minister [[Mohammad Javad Zarif|Javad Zarif]] exchanged pleasantries and smiled for the cameras during the negotiations.
** [[w:Kim Ghattas|Kim Ghattas]], ''Black Wave: Saudi Arabia, Iran, and the Forty-Year Rivalry That Unraveled Culture, Religion, and Collective Memory in the Middle East'' (2020) 

* In neighboring [[Yemen]], the Houthi rebel group had seized the capital Sana’a in September 2014 and brought down the internationally recognized government. The Saudis accused the Iranians and [[Hezbollah]] of supporting and arming the Houthi rebel group whose fighters belonged to a Shia subsect known as Zaidi. When Sana’a fell, Prince Salman was defense minister and his son Mohammad was his aide. The young prince was incensed by what he perceived as the weakness of King Abdallah in dealing with the Houthis and Iran. Some Iranian politicians declared smugly that Iran now controlled four Arab capitals: [[w:San’aa|San’aa]], [[Baghdad]], [[Damascus]], and [[Beirut]]. Worse, Iran’s sphere of influence had extended to Saudi Arabia’s southern border. Soon, the Houthi rebels would start lobbing rockets into the kingdom. On January 23, 2015, [[Abdullah of Saudi Arabia|King Abdallah]] died and Salman became king. He appointed his son as defense minister. The duo and the coterie around them wanted to push back against Iran and step into the vacuum that [[United States|America]] was creating. The Saudis wanted to beat their chests, restore Sunni pride, and bolster their leadership of the [[Muslim world]]. And so, for the first time in its recent history, on March 25, 2015, the kingdom went to [[war]]. 
** Kim Ghattas, ''Black Wave: Saudi Arabia, Iran, and the Forty-Year Rivalry That Unraveled Culture, Religion, and Collective Memory in the Middle East'' (2020) 
* The Saudi military operation, launched with barely a warning to the Obama administration, was called Decisive Storm. Within hours, bombastic Saudi analysts went on [[television]] claiming the campaign would be so successful it would be studied in [[history]] books. [[Airplane|Airplanes]] from Saudi allies joined in, at least initially. The Sunni world watched the Saudi air strikes against the [[w:Houthi|Houthi]] rebels and felt their pride restored. And Prince Mohammad bin Salman, two months into his job as defense minister, was certain this would make him king of the [[Middle East]] chessboard, a mastermind who could rival Suleimani. The days of King Abdallah’s consensus politics were over, his penchant for compromise not part of Bin Salman’s repertoire. The military campaign would be anything but decisive. The Saudis had never fought a war in such a way; they had never deployed [[Military|troops]]. They couldn’t do precision strikes with their fancy fighter jets. They were now facing a guerrilla force in rugged, hilly terrain. The conflict would drag on for years; tens of thousands of civilians would die by 2019, in air raids by the Saudi-led coalition and ground fighting, but the worst impact would be the [[starvation]] and [[Disease|diseases]]. Ten million people were on the brink of [[famine]] because of the blockade the Saudis and the [[United Nations]] had imposed, and the country was battling a dangerous outbreak of cholera. Almost ninety thousand children died. It was the largest humanitarian crisis in the world, almost on par with [[Syrian civil war|Syria]].
** Kim Ghattas, ''Black Wave: Saudi Arabia, Iran, and the Forty-Year Rivalry That Unraveled Culture, Religion, and Collective Memory in the Middle East'' (2020) 

*I believe MbS is a [[Nationalism|nationalist]] who loves his country and wants it to be the strongest but his problem is that he wants to rule alone.
** [[Jamal Khashoggi]], Saudi Arabian journalist 2017-11-10 [http://www.reuters.com/article/us-saudi-arrests-crownprince-insight/a-house-divided-how-saudi-crown-prince-purged-royal-family-rivals-idUSKBN1DA23M?]

*He is a very active statesman, we have really warm relations. This is a person who knows what he wants and can achieve his goals. At the same time I consider him to be a reliable partner with whom one can negotiate and be sure that agreements with him will be implemented.
** [[Vladimir Putin]], President of Russia 

*MBS is attempting to undertake [[Lyndon B. Johnson|LBJ]]-like social reforms and [[Margaret Thatcher|Thatcher]]-like economic reforms.
** Salman Al-Ansari, 2017-04-27, Washington Institute

==External links== 
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    <title>Star Wars: The Last Jedi</title>
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[[File:Star Wars Episode VIII The Last Jedi Word Logo.svg|thumb|The Rebellion is reborn today. The [[war]] is just [[beginning]]. And I will not be the last Jedi.]]
'''''[[w:Star Wars: The Last Jedi|Star Wars: The Last Jedi]]'''''  (also known as '''''Star Wars: Episode VIII – The Last Jedi''''') is a 2017 American epic space opera film written and directed by [[Rian Johnson]]. It is the second film in the ''[[Star Wars]]'' sequel trilogy, following '''''[[Star Wars: The Force Awakens]]''''' (2015).

==Opening crawl==
[[File:Cosmic Lightsaber in Orion.jpg|thumb|[[The Force]] is not a [[power]] you have. It's not about lifting rocks. It's the [[energy]] between [[all]] things, a tension, a [[balance]] that binds the [[universe]] together.]]
* The FIRST ORDER reigns. Having decimated the peaceful Republic, Supreme Leader Snoke now deploys his merciless legions to seize military control of the galaxy. &lt;br /&gt; Only General Leia Organa's band of RESISTANCE fighters stand against the rising tyranny, certain that Jedi Master Luke Skywalker will return and restore a spark of hope to the fight. &lt;br /&gt; But the Resistance has been exposed. As the First Order speeds toward the Rebel base, the brave heroes mount a desperate escape....

==Dialogue==
:'''Supreme Leader Snoke''': ''[to General Hux]'' Tied on a string indeed, General Hux. Well done. The Resistance will soon be in our grasp.
:'''Hux''': Thank you, Supreme Leader. ''[leaves the throne room]''
:'''Snoke''': ''[to Kylo Ren]'' You wonder why I keep a rabid cur in such a place of power? A cur's weakness, properly manipulated, can be a sharp tool. How's your wound?
:'''Kylo Ren''': ''[through damaged vocabulator]'' It's nothing.
:'''Snoke''': Hmm. The mighty Kylo Ren. When I found you, I saw what all masters live to see: Raw, untamed power... and beyond that, something truly special. The potential of your bloodline. A new Vader. Now, I fear I was mistaken.
:'''Ren''': I've given everything I have to you... to the dark side.
:'''Snoke''': ''[referring to Ren's helmet]'' Take that ridiculous thing off. ''[Ren takes off his helmet, revealing his bandaged facial scar]'' Yes... there it is. You have too much of your father's heart in you, young Solo.
:'''Ren''': I ''killed'' Han Solo. When the moment came, I didn't hesitate.
:'''Snoke''': And look at you, the deed split your spirit to the bone. You were unbalanced, bested by a girl who had never held a lightsaber! YOU ''FAILED!!!!!'' ''[Ren tries to attack Snoke, but he blasts Force lightning into the ground which ricochets into Ren, blasting him back; the Praetorian guards draw their weapons in response]'' Skywalker lives! The seed of the Jedi Order lives. As long as he does... hope lives in the galaxy. I thought you would be the one to snuff it out. Alas, you're no Vader. You're just a child... in a mask.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 
:'''Luke Skywalker''': Who are you?
:'''Rey''': I know this place.
:'''Luke''': Built a thousand generations ago to keep these. The original Jedi texts. Just like me, they're the last of the Jedi religion. You've seen this place. You've seen this island.
:'''Rey''': ''[whispering]'' Only in my dreams.
:'''Luke''': Who are you?
:'''Rey''': The Resistance sent me.
:'''Luke''': They sent you? What's special about you? Where are you from?
:'''Rey''': Nowhere.
:'''Luke''': No one's from nowhere.
:'''Rey''': Jakku.
:'''Luke''': All right, that ''is'' pretty much nowhere. Why are you here, Rey from nowhere?
:'''Rey''': The Resistance sent me. We need your help. The First Order has become unstoppable–
:'''Luke''': Why are ''you'' here?
:'''Rey''': Something inside me has always been there... but now it's awake, and I'm afraid. I don't know what it is, or what to do with it, and I need help.
:'''Luke''': You need a teacher. I can't teach you.
:'''Rey''': Why not? I've seen your daily routine. You are ''not'' busy.
:'''Luke''': I will never train another generation of Jedi. I came to this island to die. It's time for the Jedi... to end.
:'''Rey''': Why? Leia sent me here with hope. If she was wrong, she deserves to know why. We all do.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Rey''': Master Skywalker, we need you to bring the Jedi back because Kylo Ren is strong with the dark side of the Force. Without the Jedi, we won't stand a chance against him.
:'''Luke''': What do you know about the Force?
:'''Rey''': It's a power the Jedi have that lets them control people and... make things float.
:'''Luke''': Impressive. Every word in that sentence was wrong. Lesson one. Sit here, legs crossed. The Force is not a power you have. It's not about lifting rocks. It's the energy between all things, a tension, a balance that binds the universe together.
:'''Rey''': Okay. But what is it?
:'''Luke''': Close your eyes. ''[Rey closes her eyes]'' Breathe. ''[Rey takes a deep breath]'' Now... reach out. ''[Rey literally reaches her hand out and Luke, after a moment's disbelief, starts tickling her hand with a leaf]''
:'''Rey''': ''[gasps, feeling the tickle]'' I feel something!
:'''Luke''': You feel it?
:'''Rey''': Yes, I feel it!
:'''Luke''': That's the Force!
:'''Rey''': Really?
:'''Luke''': Wow, it must be really strong with you!
:'''Rey''': I've never felt any... ''[Luke smacks her with the leaf]'' Ow! You meant, reach out, like-- I'll try again. ''[closes her eyes]''
:'''Luke''': Breathe. Just breathe. Reach out with your feelings. What do you see?
:'''Rey''': The island. Life. Death and decay, that feeds new life. Warmth. Cold. Peace. Violence.
:'''Luke''': And between it all?
:'''Rey''': Balance. An energy. A Force.
:'''Luke''': And inside you?
:'''Rey''': Inside me, that same Force.
:'''Luke''': And this is the lesson. That Force does not belong to the Jedi. To say that if the Jedi die, the light dies, is vanity. Can you feel that?
:'''Rey''':  There's something else... beneath the island. A place. A dark place.
:'''Luke''': Balance. Powerful light, powerful darkness.
:'''Rey''': ''[Rock beneath her starts to crack]''  It's cold. It's calling me.
:'''Luke''': Resist it, Rey. ''[no response]'' Rey? ''[no response]'' ''REY!'' ''[no response]'' ''[Rey snaps out of the vision]'' You went straight to the dark.
:'''Rey''': That place was trying to show me something.
:'''Luke''': It offered something you needed. And you didn't even try to stop yourself.
:'''Rey''': But I didn't see you. Nothing from you. You've closed yourself off from the Force. Of course you have.
:'''Luke''': I've seen this raw strength only once before, in Ben Solo. It didn't scare me enough then. It does now.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ren''': Why is the Force connecting us? You and I?
:'''Rey''': Murderous snake! You're too late! You've lost! I've found Skywalker!
:'''Ren''': Did he tell you what happened? The night I destroyed his temple, did he tell you why?
:'''Rey''': I know ''everything'' I need to know about you.
:'''Ren''': You do? Oh, you do. You have that look in your eyes, from the forest. When you called me a monster.
:'''Rey''': You ''are'' a monster.
:'''Ren''': ''[pauses]'' Yes, I am.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Luke''': Lesson two. Now that they're extinct, the Jedi are romanticized, deified. But if you strip away the myth and look at their deeds, the legacy of the Jedi is failure. Hypocrisy, hubris. 
:'''Rey''': That's not true!
:'''Luke''': At the height of their powers, they allowed Darth Sidious to rise, create the Empire, and wipe them out. It was a Jedi Master who was responsible for the training and creation of Darth Vader.
:'''Rey''': And a Jedi who saved him. Yes, the most hated man in the galaxy. But you saw there was conflict inside him. You believed that he wasn't gone. That he could be turned.
:'''Luke''': And I became a legend. For many years, there was balance, and then I saw... Ben. My nephew with that mighty Skywalker blood. And in my hubris, I thought I could train him; I could pass on my strengths. Han was... Han about it, but... Leia trusted me with her son. I took him, and a dozen students, and began a training temple. By the time I realized I was no match for the darkness rising in him, it was too late.
:'''Rey''': What happened?
:'''Luke''': I went to confront him, and he turned on me. He must've thought I was dead. When I came to, the temple was burning. He had vanished with a handful of my students, and slaughtered the rest. Leia blamed Snoke, but... it was me. I failed. Because I was Luke Skywalker. Jedi Master. A legend.
:'''Rey''': The galaxy may need a legend. I need someone to show me my place in all this. And you didn't fail Kylo. Kylo failed you. I won't.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Rey''': I'd rather not do this now.
:'''Ren''': Yeah, me, too.
:'''Rey''': Why did you hate your father? ''[Ren turns around shirtless]'' Do you have something? A cowl, or something you could put on? Why did you hate your father? Give me an honest answer. You had a father who loved you! He gave a ''damn'' about you!
:'''Ren''': I didn't hate him.
:'''Rey''': Then ''why?''
:'''Ren''': &quot;Why&quot; what? ''[pauses]'' &quot;Why&quot; what? Say it.
:'''Rey''': ''[sobbing]'' Why did you... why did you kill him? I don't understand.
:'''Ren''': ''[seeing something inside Rey]'' No? Your parents threw you away like garbage.
:'''Rey''': They ''didn't!''
:'''Ren''': They did, but you can't stop needing them. It's your greatest weakness. Looking for them everywhere, in Han Solo, and now in Skywalker. Did he tell you what happened that night?
:'''Rey''': Yes.
:'''Ren''': No. He'd sensed my power, as he senses yours, and he ''feared'' it. 
:'''Rey''': ''[stunned at what she just heard]'' Liar.
:'''Ren''': Let the past die. Kill it if you have to. That's the only way to become what you were meant to be.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Rey''': ''[having returned to her hut after her ordeal in the Mirror Cave]'' I thought I'd find answers here. I was wrong. I've never felt so alone.
:'''Ren''': You're not alone.
:'''Rey''': Neither are you.
:''[Rey and Ren reach out to each other through the Force. Luke notices them touching hands]''
:'''Luke''': STOP!!!
:''[Rey and Ren look at Luke angrily. Luke uses the Force to push the hut apart. Rey searches for Ren, who has vanished]''
:'''Rey''': ''[turns to Luke]'' Is it true? Did you try to murder him?!
:'''Luke''': Leave this island, ''now!''
:''[Luke storms off into the rain, but Rey follows after him]'' 
:'''Rey''': Stop... STOP! ''[knocks Luke down in the back of the head with her quarterstaff]'' Did you do it?! Did you create Kylo Ren?! ''[the two proceed to fight each other along the cliffside until she gets the upper hand, forcing Luke into submission with Anakin Skywalker's lightsaber]'' Tell me the truth.
:'''Luke''': I saw darkness. I sensed it building in him. I'd seen it in moments during his training. But then I looked inside, and it was beyond what I ever imagined. Snoke had already turned his heart. He would bring destruction and pain and death, and the end of everything I love because of what he will become, and for the briefest moment of pure instinct, I thought I could stop it. It passed like a fleeting shadow, and I was left with shame and with consequence. And the last thing I saw were the eyes of a frightened boy whose Master had failed him.
:'''Rey''': You failed him by thinking his choice was made. It wasn't! There's still conflict in him. If he would turn from the dark side, that could shift the tide. This could be how we win.
:'''Luke''': This is not going to go the way you think.
:'''Rey''': It is. Just now, when we touched hands, I saw his future. As solid as I'm seeing you. If I go to him, Ben Solo ''will'' turn.
:'''Luke''': Rey... don't do this.
:'''Rey''': ''[shows Luke his father's lightsaber]'' Then he is our last hope.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Luke''': So, it is time... for the Jedi Order to end?
:'''Yoda''': Time, it is... hmm, for you to look past a pile of old books, hmm?
:'''Luke''': ''[distraught]'' The sacred Jedi texts!
:'''Yoda''': Oh? Read them, have you?
:'''Luke''': Well, I...
:'''Yoda''': Page-turners, they were not. Yes, yes, yes. Wisdom, they held, but that library contained nothing that the girl Rey does not already possess. Ah, Skywalker... still looking to the horizon. Never here! ''[pokes Luke with his cane]'' Now, hmm? The need in front of your nose!
:'''Luke''': I was weak. Unwise.
:'''Yoda''': Lost Ben Solo, you did. Lose Rey, you must not.
:'''Luke''': I can't be what she needs me to be.
:'''Yoda''': Heeded my words not, did you? &quot;Pass on what you have learned.&quot; Strength, mastery, hmm... but weakness, folly, ''failure'', also. Yes, failure, most of all. The greatest teacher, failure is. Luke... We are what they grow beyond. That is the true burden of all masters.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Snoke''': I did not expect Skywalker to be so ''wise!'' We will give him and the Jedi Order the death he desires. After the Rebels are gone, we will go to his planet and obliterate the entire island. ''[Rey tries to use the Force to take Anakin Skywalker's lightsaber, but Snoke uses it to hit her on the head]'' Such spunk. Look here now. ''[uses the Force to move Rey toward the viewport to show her the Resistance transport ships being destroyed one by one]'' The entire Resistance on those transports. Soon, they will all be gone. For you, all is lost. ''[Rey uses the Force to take Ren's lightsaber]'' Oh, still that fiery spit of hope? You have the spirit of a ''true'' Jedi! ''[Rey charges at Snoke with Ren's lightsaber. Snoke picks her up with the Force and she lands in front of Ren. His lightsaber spins around and stops in front of him]'' And because of that... you must die. ''[uses the Force and turns Rey toward Ren]'' My worthy apprentice, son of darkness, heir apparent to Lord Vader. Where there was conflict, I now sense resolve. Where there was weakness, strength. Complete your training, and fulfill your destiny.
:'''Ren''': ''[picks up his lightsaber]'' I know what I have to do.
:'''Rey''': Ben...
:'''Snoke''': ''[laughs]'' You think you can turn him? Pathetic child, I cannot be betrayed. I cannot be beaten. I see his mind: I see his every intent. Yes. I see him turning the lightsaber to strike true! ''[without Snoke knowing, Ren uses the Force to face Anakin's lightsaber toward him]'' And now, foolish child, he ignites it... and KILLS HIS TRUE ENEMY!!!
:''[Ren uses the Force to ignite Anakin's lightsaber and Snoke is cut in half at the waist. The lightsaber flies back into Rey's hand. Ren ignites his own lightsaber and he and Rey fight Snoke's Praetorian guards]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Ren''': It's time to let old things die. Snoke, Skywalker, the Sith, the Jedi, the Rebels; Let it all die. Rey... I want you to join me. We can rule together and bring a new order to the galaxy.
:'''Rey''': ''[starting to tear up]'' Don't do this, Ben. Please, don't go this way.
:'''Ren''': No, no. You're still holding on! Let go! ''[quickly calms down]'' Do you want to know the truth about your parents? Or have you always known? And you've just hidden it away. You know the truth. Say it. ''[Rey continues to tear up]'' Say it.
:'''Rey''': ''[tearfully]'' They were nobody.
:'''Ren''': They were filthy junk traders, who sold you off for drinking money. They're dead in a pauper's grave in the Jakku desert. You have no place in this story; you come from nothing. You're nothing... but not to me. Join me. ''[he extends his hand towards Rey]'' Please.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[General Hux finds Ren lying unconscious on Snoke's throne room floor amid the wreckage following the battle with Rey and the Praetorian guards. He reaches for his blaster pistol, but instantly recoils once he sees Ren come to]''
:'''Hux''': What... happened?
:'''Ren''': ''[surveys the room]'' The girl murdered Snoke. ''[looks out a window to notice half of the ''Supremacy'' floating away]'' What happened?
:'''Hux''': She took Snoke's escape craft.
:'''Ren''': We know where she's going. Get all our forces down to that Resistance base, and let's finish this.
:'''Hux''': &quot;Finish this&quot;? Who do you think you're talking to? You presume to command ''my'' army? Our Supreme Leader is dead! We have no ruler!
:'''Ren''': ''[angrily Force chokes Hux and brings him to his knees]'' The Supreme Leader is dead!
:'''Hux''': ''[choking]'' Long live the Supreme Leader.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ren''': ''[points at the Millennium Falcon]'' Blow that piece of junk '''''OUT OF THE SKY!!'''''
:'''Hux''': All fighters!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Connix''': Our distress signal's been received at multiple points, but no response.
:'''Commander Larma D'Acy''': They've heard us, but no one's coming.
:'''Leia''': We fought till the end. But the galaxy has lost all its hope. The spark... is out. ''[Leia lowers her head in defeat but then she and the others present notice a hooded figure approaching her in the command center, who turns out to be Luke Skywalker]'' Luke...
:''[Luke sits down in front of her and prepares to speak only for Leia to stop him]''
:'''Leia''': I know what you're gonna say. I changed my hair.
:'''Luke''': It's nice that way. Leia, I'm sorry. 
:'''Leia''': I know. I know you are. I'm just glad you're here at the end.
:'''Luke''': ''[referring to Kylo Ren]'' I came to face him, Leia, and I can't save him.	
:'''Leia''': I held out hope for so long, but I know my son is gone.
:'''Luke''': No one's ever really gone. ''[Luke hands Leia Han's gold dice, then stands and kisses her on the forehead and goes to leave to confront Kylo Ren, passes 3PO who nods to him]''  
:'''C-3PO''': Master Luke... ''[Luke winks at him]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ren''': Did you come back to say you forgive me? To save my soul?
:'''Luke''': No.
:''[The two draw their lightsabers. Ren charges at Luke, who blocks and dodges each blow as he returns to a ready stance]''
:'''Luke''': I failed you, Ben. I'm sorry.
:'''Ren''': I'm sure you are! The Resistance is dead! The war is over, and when I kill you, I will have killed the last Jedi!
:'''Luke''': Amazing. Every word of what you just said was wrong. The Rebellion is reborn today. The war is just beginning. And I will not be the last Jedi.
:'''Ren''': I'll destroy her...and you...and all of it.
:'''Luke''': ''[extinguishes his lightsaber]'' No. Strike me down in anger, and I will always be with you. Just like your father.
:''[During a pause, Ren grips his lightsaber tightly. Then, he charges at Luke one last time, screaming furiously, but Luke is still standing. Confused, he puts his lightsaber through Luke before staring in horror as he realizes he's been fighting a Force projection all this time - and Luke is still physically on Ahch-To]''
:'''Ren''': No...
:'''Luke''': See you around, kid. ''[his Force projection fades away]''
:'''Ren''': ''[turning to see that the Resistance has escaped]'' '''NO!!!'''

==Cast==
* [[Mark Hamill]] as Luke Skywalker
* [[Carrie Fisher]] as General Leia Organa
* [[w:Adam Driver|Adam Driver]] as Kylo Ren
* [[w:Daisy Ridley|Daisy Ridley]] as Rey
* [[w:John Boyega|John Boyega]] as Finn
* [[w:Oscar Isaac|Oscar Isaac]] as Poe Dameron
* [[w:Andy Serkis|Andy Serkis]] as Supreme Leader Snoke
* [[w:Lupita Nyong'o|Lupita Nyong'o]] as Maz Kanata
* [[w:Domhnall Gleeson|Domhnall Gleeson]] as General Hux
* [[Anthony Daniels]] as C-3PO
* [[w:Gwendoline Christie|Gwendoline Christie]] as Captain Phasma
* [[w:Kelly Marie Tran|Kelly Marie Tran]] as Rose Tico
* [[Laura Dern]] as Vice Admiral Amilyn Holdo
* [[Frank Oz]] as Yoda
* [[w:Benicio del Toro|Benicio del Toro]] as DJ

----
{{Star Wars}}

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}
* {{Official website|http://www.starwars.com/the-last-jedi}}
* [http://www.starwars.com/films/star-wars-episode-viii-the-last-jedi ''Star Wars: The Last Jedi'' at Starwars.com]
* {{IMDb title|2527336|Star Wars: The Last Jedi}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|star_wars_episode_viii|Star Wars: The Last Jedi}}

[[Category:2017 films]]
[[Category:Star Wars films]]
[[Category:Action films]]
[[Category:Science fiction films]]
[[Category:2010s American films]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]
[[Category:Films featuring puppetry]]
[[Category:Films directed by Rian Johnson]]</text>
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[[File:Star Wars Episode VIII The Last Jedi Word Logo.svg|thumb|The Rebellion is reborn today. The [[war]] is just [[beginning]]. And I will not be the last Jedi.]]
'''''[[w:Star Wars: The Last Jedi|Star Wars: The Last Jedi]]'''''  (also known as '''''Star Wars: Episode VIII – The Last Jedi''''') is a 2017 American epic space opera film written and directed by [[Rian Johnson]]. It is the second film in the ''[[Star Wars]]'' sequel trilogy, following '''''[[Star Wars: The Force Awakens]]''''' (2015).

==Opening crawl==
[[File:Cosmic Lightsaber in Orion.jpg|thumb|[[The Force]] is not a [[power]] you have. It's not about lifting rocks. It's the [[energy]] between [[all]] things, a tension, a [[balance]] that binds the [[universe]] together.]]
* The FIRST ORDER reigns. Having decimated the peaceful Republic, Supreme Leader Snoke now deploys his merciless legions to seize military control of the galaxy. &lt;br /&gt; Only General Leia Organa's band of RESISTANCE fighters stand against the rising tyranny, certain that Jedi Master Luke Skywalker will return and restore a spark of hope to the fight. &lt;br /&gt; But the Resistance has been exposed. As the First Order speeds toward the Rebel base, the brave heroes mount a desperate escape....

==Dialogue==
:'''Supreme Leader Snoke''': ''[to General Hux]'' Tied on a string indeed, General Hux. Well done. The Resistance will soon be in our grasp.
:'''Hux''': Thank you, Supreme Leader. ''[leaves the throne room]''
:'''Snoke''': ''[to Kylo Ren]'' You wonder why I keep a rabid cur in such a place of power? A cur's weakness, properly manipulated, can be a sharp tool. How's your wound?
:'''Kylo Ren''': ''[through damaged vocabulator]'' It's nothing.
:'''Snoke''': Hmm. The mighty Kylo Ren. When I found you, I saw what all masters live to see: Raw, untamed power... and beyond that, something truly special. The potential of your bloodline. A new Vader. Now, I fear I was mistaken.
:'''Ren''': I've given everything I have to you... to the dark side.
:'''Snoke''': ''[referring to Ren's helmet]'' Take that ridiculous thing off. ''[Ren takes off his helmet, revealing his bandaged facial scar]'' Yes... there it is. You have too much of your father's heart in you, young Solo.
:'''Ren''': I ''killed'' Han Solo. When the moment came, I didn't hesitate.
:'''Snoke''': And look at you, the deed split your spirit to the bone. You were unbalanced, bested by a girl who had never held a lightsaber! YOU ''FAILED!!!!!'' ''[Ren tries to attack Snoke, but he blasts Force lightning into the ground which ricochets into Ren, blasting him back; the Praetorian guards draw their weapons in response]'' Skywalker lives! The seed of the Jedi Order lives. As long as he does... hope lives in the galaxy. I thought you would be the one to snuff it out. Alas, you're no Vader. You're just a child... in a mask.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 
:'''Luke Skywalker''': Who are you?
:'''Rey''': I know this place.
:'''Luke''': Built a thousand generations ago to keep these. The original Jedi texts. Just like me, they're the last of the Jedi religion. You've seen this place. You've seen this island.
:'''Rey''': ''[whispering]'' Only in my dreams.
:'''Luke''': Who are you?
:'''Rey''': The Resistance sent me.
:'''Luke''': They sent you? What's special about you? Where are you from?
:'''Rey''': Nowhere.
:'''Luke''': No one's from nowhere.
:'''Rey''': Jakku.
:'''Luke''': All right, that ''is'' pretty much nowhere. Why are you here, Rey from nowhere?
:'''Rey''': The Resistance sent me. We need your help. The First Order has become unstoppable–
:'''Luke''': Why are ''you'' here?
:'''Rey''': Something inside me has always been there... but now it's awake, and I'm afraid. I don't know what it is, or what to do with it, and I need help.
:'''Luke''': You need a teacher. I can't teach you.
:'''Rey''': Why not? I've seen your daily routine. You are ''not'' busy.
:'''Luke''': I will never train another generation of Jedi. I came to this island to die. It's time for the Jedi... to end.
:'''Rey''': Why? Leia sent me here with hope. If she was wrong, she deserves to know why. We all do.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Rey''': Master Skywalker, we need you to bring the Jedi back because Kylo Ren is strong with the dark side of the Force. Without the Jedi, we won't stand a chance against him.
:'''Luke''': What do you know about the Force?
:'''Rey''': It's a power the Jedi have that lets them control people and... make things float.
:'''Luke''': Impressive. Every word in that sentence was wrong. Lesson one. Sit here, legs crossed. The Force is not a power you have. It's not about lifting rocks. It's the energy between all things, a tension, a balance that binds the universe together.
:'''Rey''': Okay. But what is it?
:'''Luke''': Close your eyes. ''[Rey closes her eyes]'' Breathe. ''[Rey takes a deep breath]'' Now... reach out. ''[Rey literally reaches her hand out and Luke, after a moment's disbelief, starts tickling her hand with a leaf]''
:'''Rey''': ''[gasps, feeling the tickle]'' I feel something!
:'''Luke''': You feel it?
:'''Rey''': Yes, I feel it!
:'''Luke''': That's the Force!
:'''Rey''': Really?
:'''Luke''': Wow, it must be really strong with you!
:'''Rey''': I've never felt any... ''[Luke smacks her with the leaf]'' Ow! You meant, reach out, like-- I'll try again. ''[closes her eyes]''
:'''Luke''': Breathe. Just breathe. Reach out with your feelings. What do you see?
:'''Rey''': The island. Life. Death and decay, that feeds new life. Warmth. Cold. Peace. Violence.
:'''Luke''': And between it all?
:'''Rey''': Balance. An energy. A Force.
:'''Luke''': And inside you?
:'''Rey''': Inside me, that same Force.
:'''Luke''': And this is the lesson. That Force does not belong to the Jedi. To say that if the Jedi die, the light dies, is vanity. Can you feel that?
:'''Rey''':  There's something else... beneath the island. A place. A dark place.
:'''Luke''': Balance. Powerful light, powerful darkness.
:'''Rey''': ''[Rock beneath her starts to crack]''  It's cold. It's calling me.
:'''Luke''': Resist it, Rey. ''[no response]'' Rey? ''[no response]'' ''REY!'' ''[no response]'' ''[Rey snaps out of the vision]'' You went straight to the dark.
:'''Rey''': That place was trying to show me something.
:'''Luke''': It offered something you needed. And you didn't even try to stop yourself.
:'''Rey''': But I didn't see you. Nothing from you. You've closed yourself off from the Force. Of course you have.
:'''Luke''': I've seen this raw strength only once before, in Ben Solo. It didn't scare me enough then. It does now.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ren''': Why is the Force connecting us? You and I?
:'''Rey''': Murderous snake! You're too late! You've lost! I've found Skywalker!
:'''Ren''': Did he tell you what happened? The night I destroyed his temple, did he tell you why?
:'''Rey''': I know ''everything'' I need to know about you.
:'''Ren''': You do? Oh, you do. You have that look in your eyes, from the forest. When you called me a monster.
:'''Rey''': You ''are'' a monster.
:'''Ren''': ''[pauses]'' Yes, I am.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Luke''': Lesson two. Now that they're extinct, the Jedi are romanticized, deified. But if you strip away the myth and look at their deeds, the legacy of the Jedi is failure. Hypocrisy, hubris. 
:'''Rey''': That's not true!
:'''Luke''': At the height of their powers, they allowed Darth Sidious to rise, create the Empire, and wipe them out. It was a Jedi Master who was responsible for the training and creation of Darth Vader.
:'''Rey''': And a Jedi who saved him. Yes, the most hated man in the galaxy. But you saw there was conflict inside him. You believed that he wasn't gone. That he could be turned.
:'''Luke''': And I became a legend. For many years, there was balance, and then I saw... Ben. My nephew with that mighty Skywalker blood. And in my hubris, I thought I could train him; I could pass on my strengths. Han was... Han about it, but... Leia trusted me with her son. I took him, and a dozen students, and began a training temple. By the time I realized I was no match for the darkness rising in him, it was too late.
:'''Rey''': What happened?
:'''Luke''': I went to confront him, and he turned on me. He must've thought I was dead. When I came to, the temple was burning. He had vanished with a handful of my students, and slaughtered the rest. Leia blamed Snoke, but... it was me. I failed. Because I was Luke Skywalker. Jedi Master. A legend.
:'''Rey''': The galaxy may need a legend. I need someone to show me my place in all this. And you didn't fail Kylo. Kylo failed you. I won't.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Rey''': I'd rather not do this now.
:'''Ren''': Yeah, me, too.
:'''Rey''': Why did you hate your father? ''[Ren turns around shirtless]'' Do you have something? A cowl, or something you could put on? Why did you hate your father? Give me an honest answer. You had a father who loved you! He gave a ''damn'' about you!
:'''Ren''': I didn't hate him.
:'''Rey''': Then ''why?''
:'''Ren''': &quot;Why&quot; what? ''[pauses]'' &quot;Why&quot; what? Say it.
:'''Rey''': ''[sobbing]'' Why did you... why did you kill him? I don't understand.
:'''Ren''': ''[seeing something inside Rey]'' No? Your parents threw you away like garbage.
:'''Rey''': They ''didn't!''
:'''Ren''': They did, but you can't stop needing them. It's your greatest weakness. Looking for them everywhere, in Han Solo, and now in Skywalker. Did he tell you what happened that night?
:'''Rey''': Yes.
:'''Ren''': No. He'd sensed my power, as he senses yours, and he ''feared'' it. 
:'''Rey''': ''[stunned at what she just heard]'' Liar.
:'''Ren''': Let the past die. Kill it if you have to. That's the only way to become what you were meant to be.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Rey''': ''[having returned to her hut after her ordeal in the Mirror Cave]'' I thought I'd find answers here. I was wrong. I've never felt so alone.
:'''Ren''': You're not alone.
:'''Rey''': Neither are you.
:''[Rey and Ren reach out to each other through the Force. Luke notices them touching hands]''
:'''Luke''': STOP!!!
:''[Rey and Ren look at Luke angrily. Luke uses the Force to push the hut apart. Rey searches for Ren, who has vanished]''
:'''Rey''': ''[turns to Luke]'' Is it true? Did you try to murder him?!
:'''Luke''': Leave this island, ''now!''
:''[Luke storms off into the rain, but Rey angrily follows after him]'' 
:'''Rey''': Stop... '''''STOP!!!''' ''[furiously knocks Luke down in the back of the head with her quarterstaff]'' Did you do it?! Did you create Kylo Ren?! ''[the two proceed to fight each other along the cliffside until she gets the upper hand, forcing Luke into submission with Anakin Skywalker's lightsaber]'' Tell me the truth.
:'''Luke''': I saw darkness. I sensed it building in him. I'd seen it in moments during his training. But then I looked inside, and it was beyond what I ever imagined. Snoke had already turned his heart. He would bring destruction and pain and death, and the end of everything I love because of what he will become, and for the briefest moment of pure instinct, I thought I could stop it. It passed like a fleeting shadow, and I was left with shame and with consequence. And the last thing I saw were the eyes of a frightened boy whose Master had failed him.
:'''Rey''': You failed him by thinking his choice was made. It wasn't! There's still conflict in him. If he would turn from the dark side, that could shift the tide. This could be how we win.
:'''Luke''': This is not going to go the way you think.
:'''Rey''': It is. Just now, when we touched hands, I saw his future. As solid as I'm seeing you. If I go to him, Ben Solo ''will'' turn.
:'''Luke''': Rey... don't do this.
:'''Rey''': ''[shows Luke his father's lightsaber]'' Then he is our last hope.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Luke''': So, it is time... for the Jedi Order to end?
:'''Yoda''': Time, it is... hmm, for you to look past a pile of old books, hmm?
:'''Luke''': ''[distraught]'' The sacred Jedi texts!
:'''Yoda''': Oh? Read them, have you?
:'''Luke''': Well, I...
:'''Yoda''': Page-turners, they were not. Yes, yes, yes. Wisdom, they held, but that library contained nothing that the girl Rey does not already possess. Ah, Skywalker... still looking to the horizon. Never here! ''[pokes Luke with his cane]'' Now, hmm? The need in front of your nose!
:'''Luke''': I was weak. Unwise.
:'''Yoda''': Lost Ben Solo, you did. Lose Rey, you must not.
:'''Luke''': I can't be what she needs me to be.
:'''Yoda''': Heeded my words not, did you? &quot;Pass on what you have learned.&quot; Strength, mastery, hmm... but weakness, folly, ''failure'', also. Yes, failure, most of all. The greatest teacher, failure is. Luke... We are what they grow beyond. That is the true burden of all masters.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Snoke''': I did not expect Skywalker to be so ''wise!'' We will give him and the Jedi Order the death he desires. After the Rebels are gone, we will go to his planet and obliterate the entire island. ''[Rey tries to use the Force to take Anakin Skywalker's lightsaber, but Snoke uses it to hit her on the head]'' Such spunk. Look here now. ''[uses the Force to move Rey toward the viewport to show her the Resistance transport ships being destroyed one by one]'' The entire Resistance on those transports. Soon, they will all be gone. For you, all is lost. ''[Rey uses the Force to take Ren's lightsaber]'' Oh, still that fiery spit of hope? You have the spirit of a ''true'' Jedi! ''[Rey charges at Snoke with Ren's lightsaber. Snoke picks her up with the Force and she lands in front of Ren. His lightsaber spins around and stops in front of him]'' And because of that... you must die. ''[uses the Force and turns Rey toward Ren]'' My worthy apprentice, son of darkness, heir apparent to Lord Vader. Where there was conflict, I now sense resolve. Where there was weakness, strength. Complete your training, and fulfill your destiny.
:'''Ren''': ''[picks up his lightsaber]'' I know what I have to do.
:'''Rey''': Ben...
:'''Snoke''': ''[laughs]'' You think you can turn him? Pathetic child, I cannot be betrayed. I cannot be beaten. I see his mind: I see his every intent. Yes. I see him turning the lightsaber to strike true! ''[without Snoke knowing, Ren uses the Force to face Anakin's lightsaber toward him]'' And now, foolish child, he ignites it... and KILLS HIS TRUE ENEMY!!!
:''[Ren uses the Force to ignite Anakin's lightsaber and Snoke is cut in half at the waist. The lightsaber flies back into Rey's hand. Ren ignites his own lightsaber and he and Rey fight Snoke's Praetorian guards]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Ren''': It's time to let old things die. Snoke, Skywalker, the Sith, the Jedi, the Rebels; Let it all die. Rey... I want you to join me. We can rule together and bring a new order to the galaxy.
:'''Rey''': ''[starting to tear up]'' Don't do this, Ben. Please, don't go this way.
:'''Ren''': No, no. You're still holding on! Let go! ''[quickly calms down]'' Do you want to know the truth about your parents? Or have you always known? And you've just hidden it away. You know the truth. Say it. ''[Rey continues to tear up]'' Say it.
:'''Rey''': ''[tearfully]'' They were nobody.
:'''Ren''': They were filthy junk traders, who sold you off for drinking money. They're dead in a pauper's grave in the Jakku desert. You have no place in this story; you come from nothing. You're nothing... but not to me. Join me. ''[he extends his hand towards Rey]'' Please.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[General Hux finds Ren lying unconscious on Snoke's throne room floor amid the wreckage following the battle with Rey and the Praetorian guards. He reaches for his blaster pistol, but instantly recoils once he sees Ren come to]''
:'''Hux''': What... happened?
:'''Ren''': ''[surveys the room]'' The girl murdered Snoke. ''[looks out a window to notice half of the ''Supremacy'' floating away]'' What happened?
:'''Hux''': She took Snoke's escape craft.
:'''Ren''': We know where she's going. Get all our forces down to that Resistance base, and let's finish this.
:'''Hux''': &quot;Finish this&quot;? Who do you think you're talking to? You presume to command ''my'' army? Our Supreme Leader is dead! We have no ruler!
:'''Ren''': ''[angrily Force chokes Hux and brings him to his knees]'' The Supreme Leader is dead!
:'''Hux''': ''[choking]'' Long live the Supreme Leader.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ren''': ''[points at the Millennium Falcon]'' Blow that piece of junk '''''OUT OF THE SKY!!'''''
:'''Hux''': All fighters!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Connix''': Our distress signal's been received at multiple points, but no response.
:'''Commander Larma D'Acy''': They've heard us, but no one's coming.
:'''Leia''': We fought till the end. But the galaxy has lost all its hope. The spark... is out. ''[Leia lowers her head in defeat but then she and the others present notice a hooded figure approaching her in the command center, who turns out to be Luke Skywalker]'' Luke...
:''[Luke sits down in front of her and prepares to speak only for Leia to stop him]''
:'''Leia''': I know what you're gonna say. I changed my hair.
:'''Luke''': It's nice that way. Leia, I'm sorry. 
:'''Leia''': I know. I know you are. I'm just glad you're here at the end.
:'''Luke''': ''[referring to Kylo Ren]'' I came to face him, Leia, and I can't save him.	
:'''Leia''': I held out hope for so long, but I know my son is gone.
:'''Luke''': No one's ever really gone. ''[Luke hands Leia Han's gold dice, then stands and kisses her on the forehead and goes to leave to confront Kylo Ren, passes 3PO who nods to him]''  
:'''C-3PO''': Master Luke... ''[Luke winks at him]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ren''': Did you come back to say you forgive me? To save my soul?
:'''Luke''': No.
:''[The two draw their lightsabers. Ren charges at Luke, who blocks and dodges each blow as he returns to a ready stance]''
:'''Luke''': I failed you, Ben. I'm sorry.
:'''Ren''': I'm sure you are! The Resistance is dead! The war is over, and when I kill you, I will have killed the last Jedi!
:'''Luke''': Amazing. Every word of what you just said was wrong. The Rebellion is reborn today. The war is just beginning. And I will not be the last Jedi.
:'''Ren''': I'll destroy her...and you...and all of it.
:'''Luke''': ''[extinguishes his lightsaber]'' No. Strike me down in anger, and I will always be with you. Just like your father.
:''[During a pause, Ren grips his lightsaber tightly. Then, he charges at Luke one last time, screaming furiously, but Luke is still standing. Confused, he puts his lightsaber through Luke before staring in horror as he realizes he's been fighting a Force projection all this time - and Luke is still physically on Ahch-To]''
:'''Ren''': No...
:'''Luke''': See you around, kid. ''[his Force projection fades away]''
:'''Ren''': ''[turning to see that the Resistance has escaped]'' '''NO!!!'''

==Cast==
* [[Mark Hamill]] as Luke Skywalker
* [[Carrie Fisher]] as General Leia Organa
* [[w:Adam Driver|Adam Driver]] as Kylo Ren
* [[w:Daisy Ridley|Daisy Ridley]] as Rey
* [[w:John Boyega|John Boyega]] as Finn
* [[w:Oscar Isaac|Oscar Isaac]] as Poe Dameron
* [[w:Andy Serkis|Andy Serkis]] as Supreme Leader Snoke
* [[w:Lupita Nyong'o|Lupita Nyong'o]] as Maz Kanata
* [[w:Domhnall Gleeson|Domhnall Gleeson]] as General Hux
* [[Anthony Daniels]] as C-3PO
* [[w:Gwendoline Christie|Gwendoline Christie]] as Captain Phasma
* [[w:Kelly Marie Tran|Kelly Marie Tran]] as Rose Tico
* [[Laura Dern]] as Vice Admiral Amilyn Holdo
* [[Frank Oz]] as Yoda
* [[w:Benicio del Toro|Benicio del Toro]] as DJ

----
{{Star Wars}}

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}
* {{Official website|http://www.starwars.com/the-last-jedi}}
* [http://www.starwars.com/films/star-wars-episode-viii-the-last-jedi ''Star Wars: The Last Jedi'' at Starwars.com]
* {{IMDb title|2527336|Star Wars: The Last Jedi}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|star_wars_episode_viii|Star Wars: The Last Jedi}}

[[Category:2017 films]]
[[Category:Star Wars films]]
[[Category:Action films]]
[[Category:Science fiction films]]
[[Category:2010s American films]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]
[[Category:Films featuring puppetry]]
[[Category:Films directed by Rian Johnson]]</text>
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[[File:Star Wars Episode VIII The Last Jedi Word Logo.svg|thumb|The Rebellion is reborn today. The [[war]] is just [[beginning]]. And I will not be the last Jedi.]]
'''''[[w:Star Wars: The Last Jedi|Star Wars: The Last Jedi]]'''''  (also known as '''''Star Wars: Episode VIII – The Last Jedi''''') is a 2017 American epic space opera film written and directed by [[Rian Johnson]]. It is the second film in the ''[[Star Wars]]'' sequel trilogy, following '''''[[Star Wars: The Force Awakens]]''''' (2015).

==Opening crawl==
[[File:Cosmic Lightsaber in Orion.jpg|thumb|[[The Force]] is not a [[power]] you have. It's not about lifting rocks. It's the [[energy]] between [[all]] things, a tension, a [[balance]] that binds the [[universe]] together.]]
* The FIRST ORDER reigns. Having decimated the peaceful Republic, Supreme Leader Snoke now deploys his merciless legions to seize military control of the galaxy. &lt;br /&gt; Only General Leia Organa's band of RESISTANCE fighters stand against the rising tyranny, certain that Jedi Master Luke Skywalker will return and restore a spark of hope to the fight. &lt;br /&gt; But the Resistance has been exposed. As the First Order speeds toward the Rebel base, the brave heroes mount a desperate escape....

==Dialogue==
:'''Supreme Leader Snoke''': ''[to General Hux]'' Tied on a string indeed, General Hux. Well done. The Resistance will soon be in our grasp.
:'''Hux''': Thank you, Supreme Leader. ''[leaves the throne room]''
:'''Snoke''': ''[to Kylo Ren]'' You wonder why I keep a rabid cur in such a place of power? A cur's weakness, properly manipulated, can be a sharp tool. How's your wound?
:'''Kylo Ren''': ''[through damaged vocabulator]'' It's nothing.
:'''Snoke''': Hmm. The mighty Kylo Ren. When I found you, I saw what all masters live to see: Raw, untamed power... and beyond that, something truly special. The potential of your bloodline. A new Vader. Now, I fear I was mistaken.
:'''Ren''': I've given everything I have to you... to the dark side.
:'''Snoke''': ''[referring to Ren's helmet]'' Take that ridiculous thing off. ''[Ren takes off his helmet, revealing his bandaged facial scar]'' Yes... there it is. You have too much of your father's heart in you, young Solo.
:'''Ren''': I ''killed'' Han Solo. When the moment came, I didn't hesitate.
:'''Snoke''': And look at you, the deed split your spirit to the bone. You were unbalanced, bested by a girl who had never held a lightsaber! YOU ''FAILED!!!!!'' ''[Ren tries to attack Snoke, but he blasts Force lightning into the ground which ricochets into Ren, blasting him back; the Praetorian guards draw their weapons in response]'' Skywalker lives! The seed of the Jedi Order lives. As long as he does... hope lives in the galaxy. I thought you would be the one to snuff it out. Alas, you're no Vader. You're just a child... in a mask.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt; 
:'''Luke Skywalker''': Who are you?
:'''Rey''': I know this place.
:'''Luke''': Built a thousand generations ago to keep these. The original Jedi texts. Just like me, they're the last of the Jedi religion. You've seen this place. You've seen this island.
:'''Rey''': ''[whispering]'' Only in my dreams.
:'''Luke''': Who are you?
:'''Rey''': The Resistance sent me.
:'''Luke''': They sent you? What's special about you? Where are you from?
:'''Rey''': Nowhere.
:'''Luke''': No one's from nowhere.
:'''Rey''': Jakku.
:'''Luke''': All right, that ''is'' pretty much nowhere. Why are you here, Rey from nowhere?
:'''Rey''': The Resistance sent me. We need your help. The First Order has become unstoppable–
:'''Luke''': Why are ''you'' here?
:'''Rey''': Something inside me has always been there... but now it's awake, and I'm afraid. I don't know what it is, or what to do with it, and I need help.
:'''Luke''': You need a teacher. I can't teach you.
:'''Rey''': Why not? I've seen your daily routine. You are ''not'' busy.
:'''Luke''': I will never train another generation of Jedi. I came to this island to die. It's time for the Jedi... to end.
:'''Rey''': Why? Leia sent me here with hope. If she was wrong, she deserves to know why. We all do.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Rey''': Master Skywalker, we need you to bring the Jedi back because Kylo Ren is strong with the dark side of the Force. Without the Jedi, we won't stand a chance against him.
:'''Luke''': What do you know about the Force?
:'''Rey''': It's a power the Jedi have that lets them control people and... make things float.
:'''Luke''': Impressive. Every word in that sentence was wrong. Lesson one. Sit here, legs crossed. The Force is not a power you have. It's not about lifting rocks. It's the energy between all things, a tension, a balance that binds the universe together.
:'''Rey''': Okay. But what is it?
:'''Luke''': Close your eyes. ''[Rey closes her eyes]'' Breathe. ''[Rey takes a deep breath]'' Now... reach out. ''[Rey literally reaches her hand out and Luke, after a moment's disbelief, starts tickling her hand with a leaf]''
:'''Rey''': ''[gasps, feeling the tickle]'' I feel something!
:'''Luke''': You feel it?
:'''Rey''': Yes, I feel it!
:'''Luke''': That's the Force!
:'''Rey''': Really?
:'''Luke''': Wow, it must be really strong with you!
:'''Rey''': I've never felt any... ''[Luke smacks her with the leaf]'' Ow! You meant, reach out, like-- I'll try again. ''[closes her eyes]''
:'''Luke''': Breathe. Just breathe. Reach out with your feelings. What do you see?
:'''Rey''': The island. Life. Death and decay, that feeds new life. Warmth. Cold. Peace. Violence.
:'''Luke''': And between it all?
:'''Rey''': Balance. An energy. A Force.
:'''Luke''': And inside you?
:'''Rey''': Inside me, that same Force.
:'''Luke''': And this is the lesson. That Force does not belong to the Jedi. To say that if the Jedi die, the light dies, is vanity. Can you feel that?
:'''Rey''':  There's something else... beneath the island. A place. A dark place.
:'''Luke''': Balance. Powerful light, powerful darkness.
:'''Rey''': ''[Rock beneath her starts to crack]''  It's cold. It's calling me.
:'''Luke''': Resist it, Rey. ''[no response]'' Rey? ''[no response]'' ''REY!'' ''[no response]'' ''[Rey snaps out of the vision]'' You went straight to the dark.
:'''Rey''': That place was trying to show me something.
:'''Luke''': It offered something you needed. And you didn't even try to stop yourself.
:'''Rey''': But I didn't see you. Nothing from you. You've closed yourself off from the Force. Of course you have.
:'''Luke''': I've seen this raw strength only once before, in Ben Solo. It didn't scare me enough then. It does now.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ren''': Why is the Force connecting us? You and I?
:'''Rey''': Murderous snake! You're too late! You've lost! I've found Skywalker!
:'''Ren''': Did he tell you what happened? The night I destroyed his temple, did he tell you why?
:'''Rey''': I know ''everything'' I need to know about you.
:'''Ren''': You do? Oh, you do. You have that look in your eyes, from the forest. When you called me a monster.
:'''Rey''': You ''are'' a monster.
:'''Ren''': ''[pauses]'' Yes, I am.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Luke''': Lesson two. Now that they're extinct, the Jedi are romanticized, deified. But if you strip away the myth and look at their deeds, the legacy of the Jedi is failure. Hypocrisy, hubris. 
:'''Rey''': That's not true!
:'''Luke''': At the height of their powers, they allowed Darth Sidious to rise, create the Empire, and wipe them out. It was a Jedi Master who was responsible for the training and creation of Darth Vader.
:'''Rey''': And a Jedi who saved him. Yes, the most hated man in the galaxy. But you saw there was conflict inside him. You believed that he wasn't gone. That he could be turned.
:'''Luke''': And I became a legend. For many years, there was balance, and then I saw... Ben. My nephew with that mighty Skywalker blood. And in my hubris, I thought I could train him; I could pass on my strengths. Han was... Han about it, but... Leia trusted me with her son. I took him, and a dozen students, and began a training temple. By the time I realized I was no match for the darkness rising in him, it was too late.
:'''Rey''': What happened?
:'''Luke''': I went to confront him, and he turned on me. He must've thought I was dead. When I came to, the temple was burning. He had vanished with a handful of my students, and slaughtered the rest. Leia blamed Snoke, but... it was me. I failed. Because I was Luke Skywalker. Jedi Master. A legend.
:'''Rey''': The galaxy may need a legend. I need someone to show me my place in all this. And you didn't fail Kylo. Kylo failed you. I won't.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Rey''': I'd rather not do this now.
:'''Ren''': Yeah, me, too.
:'''Rey''': Why did you hate your father? ''[Ren turns around shirtless]'' Do you have something? A cowl, or something you could put on? Why did you hate your father? Give me an honest answer. You had a father who loved you! He gave a ''damn'' about you!
:'''Ren''': I didn't hate him.
:'''Rey''': Then ''why?''
:'''Ren''': &quot;Why&quot; what? ''[pauses]'' &quot;Why&quot; what? Say it.
:'''Rey''': ''[sobbing]'' Why did you... why did you kill him? I don't understand.
:'''Ren''': ''[seeing something inside Rey]'' No? Your parents threw you away like garbage.
:'''Rey''': They ''didn't!''
:'''Ren''': They did, but you can't stop needing them. It's your greatest weakness. Looking for them everywhere, in Han Solo, and now in Skywalker. Did he tell you what happened that night?
:'''Rey''': Yes.
:'''Ren''': No. He'd sensed my power, as he senses yours, and he ''feared'' it. 
:'''Rey''': ''[stunned at what she just heard]'' Liar.
:'''Ren''': Let the past die. Kill it if you have to. That's the only way to become what you were meant to be.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Rey''': ''[having returned to her hut after her ordeal in the Mirror Cave]'' I thought I'd find answers here. I was wrong. I've never felt so alone.
:'''Ren''': You're not alone.
:'''Rey''': Neither are you.
:''[Rey and Ren reach out to each other through the Force. Luke notices them touching hands]''
:'''Luke''': STOP!!!
:''[Rey and Ren look at Luke angrily. Luke uses the Force to push the hut apart. Rey searches for Ren, who has vanished]''
:'''Rey''': ''[turns to Luke]'' Is it true? Did you try to murder him?!
:'''Luke''': Leave this island, ''now!''
:''[Luke storms off into the rain, but Rey angrily follows after him]'' 
:'''Rey''': Stop... '''''STOP!!!''''' ''[furiously knocks Luke down in the back of the head with her quarterstaff]'' Did you do it?! Did you create Kylo Ren?! ''[the two proceed to fight each other along the cliffside until she gets the upper hand, forcing Luke into submission with Anakin Skywalker's lightsaber]'' Tell me the truth.
:'''Luke''': I saw darkness. I sensed it building in him. I'd seen it in moments during his training. But then I looked inside, and it was beyond what I ever imagined. Snoke had already turned his heart. He would bring destruction and pain and death, and the end of everything I love because of what he will become, and for the briefest moment of pure instinct, I thought I could stop it. It passed like a fleeting shadow, and I was left with shame and with consequence. And the last thing I saw were the eyes of a frightened boy whose Master had failed him.
:'''Rey''': You failed him by thinking his choice was made. It wasn't! There's still conflict in him. If he would turn from the dark side, that could shift the tide. This could be how we win.
:'''Luke''': This is not going to go the way you think.
:'''Rey''': It is. Just now, when we touched hands, I saw his future. As solid as I'm seeing you. If I go to him, Ben Solo ''will'' turn.
:'''Luke''': Rey... don't do this.
:'''Rey''': ''[shows Luke his father's lightsaber]'' Then he is our last hope.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Luke''': So, it is time... for the Jedi Order to end?
:'''Yoda''': Time, it is... hmm, for you to look past a pile of old books, hmm?
:'''Luke''': ''[distraught]'' The sacred Jedi texts!
:'''Yoda''': Oh? Read them, have you?
:'''Luke''': Well, I...
:'''Yoda''': Page-turners, they were not. Yes, yes, yes. Wisdom, they held, but that library contained nothing that the girl Rey does not already possess. Ah, Skywalker... still looking to the horizon. Never here! ''[pokes Luke with his cane]'' Now, hmm? The need in front of your nose!
:'''Luke''': I was weak. Unwise.
:'''Yoda''': Lost Ben Solo, you did. Lose Rey, you must not.
:'''Luke''': I can't be what she needs me to be.
:'''Yoda''': Heeded my words not, did you? &quot;Pass on what you have learned.&quot; Strength, mastery, hmm... but weakness, folly, ''failure'', also. Yes, failure, most of all. The greatest teacher, failure is. Luke... We are what they grow beyond. That is the true burden of all masters.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Snoke''': I did not expect Skywalker to be so ''wise!'' We will give him and the Jedi Order the death he desires. After the Rebels are gone, we will go to his planet and obliterate the entire island. ''[Rey tries to use the Force to take Anakin Skywalker's lightsaber, but Snoke uses it to hit her on the head]'' Such spunk. Look here now. ''[uses the Force to move Rey toward the viewport to show her the Resistance transport ships being destroyed one by one]'' The entire Resistance on those transports. Soon, they will all be gone. For you, all is lost. ''[Rey uses the Force to take Ren's lightsaber]'' Oh, still that fiery spit of hope? You have the spirit of a ''true'' Jedi! ''[Rey charges at Snoke with Ren's lightsaber. Snoke picks her up with the Force and she lands in front of Ren. His lightsaber spins around and stops in front of him]'' And because of that... you must die. ''[uses the Force and turns Rey toward Ren]'' My worthy apprentice, son of darkness, heir apparent to Lord Vader. Where there was conflict, I now sense resolve. Where there was weakness, strength. Complete your training, and fulfill your destiny.
:'''Ren''': ''[picks up his lightsaber]'' I know what I have to do.
:'''Rey''': Ben...
:'''Snoke''': ''[laughs]'' You think you can turn him? Pathetic child, I cannot be betrayed. I cannot be beaten. I see his mind: I see his every intent. Yes. I see him turning the lightsaber to strike true! ''[without Snoke knowing, Ren uses the Force to face Anakin's lightsaber toward him]'' And now, foolish child, he ignites it... and KILLS HIS TRUE ENEMY!!!
:''[Ren uses the Force to ignite Anakin's lightsaber and Snoke is cut in half at the waist. The lightsaber flies back into Rey's hand. Ren ignites his own lightsaber and he and Rey fight Snoke's Praetorian guards]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Ren''': It's time to let old things die. Snoke, Skywalker, the Sith, the Jedi, the Rebels; Let it all die. Rey... I want you to join me. We can rule together and bring a new order to the galaxy.
:'''Rey''': ''[starting to tear up]'' Don't do this, Ben. Please, don't go this way.
:'''Ren''': No, no. You're still holding on! Let go! ''[quickly calms down]'' Do you want to know the truth about your parents? Or have you always known? And you've just hidden it away. You know the truth. Say it. ''[Rey continues to tear up]'' Say it.
:'''Rey''': ''[tearfully]'' They were nobody.
:'''Ren''': They were filthy junk traders, who sold you off for drinking money. They're dead in a pauper's grave in the Jakku desert. You have no place in this story; you come from nothing. You're nothing... but not to me. Join me. ''[he extends his hand towards Rey]'' Please.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[General Hux finds Ren lying unconscious on Snoke's throne room floor amid the wreckage following the battle with Rey and the Praetorian guards. He reaches for his blaster pistol, but instantly recoils once he sees Ren come to]''
:'''Hux''': What... happened?
:'''Ren''': ''[surveys the room]'' The girl murdered Snoke. ''[looks out a window to notice half of the ''Supremacy'' floating away]'' What happened?
:'''Hux''': She took Snoke's escape craft.
:'''Ren''': We know where she's going. Get all our forces down to that Resistance base, and let's finish this.
:'''Hux''': &quot;Finish this&quot;? Who do you think you're talking to? You presume to command ''my'' army? Our Supreme Leader is dead! We have no ruler!
:'''Ren''': ''[angrily Force chokes Hux and brings him to his knees]'' The Supreme Leader is dead!
:'''Hux''': ''[choking]'' Long live the Supreme Leader.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ren''': ''[points at the Millennium Falcon]'' Blow that piece of junk '''''OUT OF THE SKY!!'''''
:'''Hux''': All fighters!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Connix''': Our distress signal's been received at multiple points, but no response.
:'''Commander Larma D'Acy''': They've heard us, but no one's coming.
:'''Leia''': We fought till the end. But the galaxy has lost all its hope. The spark... is out. ''[Leia lowers her head in defeat but then she and the others present notice a hooded figure approaching her in the command center, who turns out to be Luke Skywalker]'' Luke...
:''[Luke sits down in front of her and prepares to speak only for Leia to stop him]''
:'''Leia''': I know what you're gonna say. I changed my hair.
:'''Luke''': It's nice that way. Leia, I'm sorry. 
:'''Leia''': I know. I know you are. I'm just glad you're here at the end.
:'''Luke''': ''[referring to Kylo Ren]'' I came to face him, Leia, and I can't save him.	
:'''Leia''': I held out hope for so long, but I know my son is gone.
:'''Luke''': No one's ever really gone. ''[Luke hands Leia Han's gold dice, then stands and kisses her on the forehead and goes to leave to confront Kylo Ren, passes 3PO who nods to him]''  
:'''C-3PO''': Master Luke... ''[Luke winks at him]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ren''': Did you come back to say you forgive me? To save my soul?
:'''Luke''': No.
:''[The two draw their lightsabers. Ren charges at Luke, who blocks and dodges each blow as he returns to a ready stance]''
:'''Luke''': I failed you, Ben. I'm sorry.
:'''Ren''': I'm sure you are! The Resistance is dead! The war is over, and when I kill you, I will have killed the last Jedi!
:'''Luke''': Amazing. Every word of what you just said was wrong. The Rebellion is reborn today. The war is just beginning. And I will not be the last Jedi.
:'''Ren''': I'll destroy her...and you...and all of it.
:'''Luke''': ''[extinguishes his lightsaber]'' No. Strike me down in anger, and I will always be with you. Just like your father.
:''[During a pause, Ren grips his lightsaber tightly. Then, he charges at Luke one last time, screaming furiously, but Luke is still standing. Confused, he puts his lightsaber through Luke before staring in horror as he realizes he's been fighting a Force projection all this time - and Luke is still physically on Ahch-To]''
:'''Ren''': No...
:'''Luke''': See you around, kid. ''[his Force projection fades away]''
:'''Ren''': ''[turning to see that the Resistance has escaped]'' '''NO!!!'''

==Cast==
* [[Mark Hamill]] as Luke Skywalker
* [[Carrie Fisher]] as General Leia Organa
* [[w:Adam Driver|Adam Driver]] as Kylo Ren
* [[w:Daisy Ridley|Daisy Ridley]] as Rey
* [[w:John Boyega|John Boyega]] as Finn
* [[w:Oscar Isaac|Oscar Isaac]] as Poe Dameron
* [[w:Andy Serkis|Andy Serkis]] as Supreme Leader Snoke
* [[w:Lupita Nyong'o|Lupita Nyong'o]] as Maz Kanata
* [[w:Domhnall Gleeson|Domhnall Gleeson]] as General Hux
* [[Anthony Daniels]] as C-3PO
* [[w:Gwendoline Christie|Gwendoline Christie]] as Captain Phasma
* [[w:Kelly Marie Tran|Kelly Marie Tran]] as Rose Tico
* [[Laura Dern]] as Vice Admiral Amilyn Holdo
* [[Frank Oz]] as Yoda
* [[w:Benicio del Toro|Benicio del Toro]] as DJ

----
{{Star Wars}}

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}
* {{Official website|http://www.starwars.com/the-last-jedi}}
* [http://www.starwars.com/films/star-wars-episode-viii-the-last-jedi ''Star Wars: The Last Jedi'' at Starwars.com]
* {{IMDb title|2527336|Star Wars: The Last Jedi}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|star_wars_episode_viii|Star Wars: The Last Jedi}}

[[Category:2017 films]]
[[Category:Star Wars films]]
[[Category:Action films]]
[[Category:Science fiction films]]
[[Category:2010s American films]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]
[[Category:Films featuring puppetry]]
[[Category:Films directed by Rian Johnson]]</text>
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    <title>30 Rock (season 1)</title>
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:'''Season''' [[30 Rock (season 1)|1]] [[30 Rock (season 2)|2]] [[30 Rock (season 3)|3]] [[30 Rock (season 4)|4]] [[30 Rock (season 5)|5]] [[30 Rock (season 6)|6]] | [[30 Rock|'''Main''']]
----

'''''[[w:30 Rock|30 Rock]]''''' (2006–2013) is a primetime sitcom about a sketch comedy show originally called ''The Girlie Show'' and its head writer [[w:Liz Lemon|Liz Lemon]].

=== ''[[w:Pilot (30 Rock episode)|Pilot]]'' [1.1] ===

:'''[[w:Jack Donaghy|Jack]]''': ''[to Liz]'' I like you. You have the boldness of a much younger woman.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''[[w:Tracy Jordan|Tracy]]''': Yeah yeah yeah, I like risky. See, me and you, we play the game. We know how to be acceptable. Hello great meeting, I drink coffee please. This show is our chance to break the shackles cause the white dudes want to see us fail. 
:'''[[w:Liz Lemon|Liz]]''': What white dudes?
:'''Tracy''': All of 'em. Jack Donaghy. [[w:General Electric|General Electric]]. [[George W. Bush|George Bush]]. Karl Robe.
:'''Liz''': Karl Robe, you say?
:'''Tracy''': Affirmative action was designed to keep women and minorities in competition with each other to distract us while white dudes inject AIDS into our chicken nuggets. That's a metaphor.
:'''Liz''': Sure.

=== ''[[w:The Aftermath (30 Rock)|The Aftermath]]'' [1.2] === 
:''[Jenna and Liz are discussing actor Tracy Jordan.]''
:'''[[w:Jenna Maroney|Jenna]]''': There is no way that I am working with that guy. Do you know that he once got arrested for walking naked through [[w:LaGuardia Airport|LaGuardia]]? 
:'''Liz''': Yeah.
:'''Jenna''': And that he once fell asleep on [[w:Ted Danson|Ted Danson]]'s roof?
:'''Liz''': Yeah, Tracy has mental health issues. 
:'''Jenna''': He bit [[w:Dakota Fanning|Dakota Fanning]] on the face. 
:'''Liz''': When you hear his version, she was kinda askin' for it. 
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt; 
:'''[[w:Tracy Jordan|Tracy]]''': So, how you doing over there, [[w:The Cosby Show|Theo Huxtable]]?
:'''[[w:James &quot;Toofer&quot; Spurlock|Toofer]]''': I'm doing good.
:'''Tracy''': Nah-uh. [[w:Superman|Superman]] does good; you're doing well. You need to study your grammar, son. 
:''[Tracy leaves the room.]''
:'''[[w:Frank Rossitano|Frank]]''': ''[to Toofer]'' Wow, that was embarrassing for you.

=== ''[[w:Jack the Writer|Jack the Writer]]'' [1.4] ===

:'''[[w:Tracy Jordan|Tracy]]''': But I want you to know something... You and me, it's not gonna be a one-way street. 'Cause I don't believe in one-way streets. Not between people, and not while I'm driving.
:'''[[w:Kenneth Parcell|Kenneth]]''': Oh, okay. 
:'''Tracy''': So, here's some advice I wish I woulda got when I was your age: Live every week like it's [[w:Shark Week|Shark Week]].

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Tracy''': Dress every day like you're going to get murdered in those clothes.

=== ''[[w:Jack-Tor|Jack-Tor]]'' [1.5] ===

:'''[[w:Pete Hornberger|Pete]]''': So, first you thought he was illiterate and now you think he's lazy? Liz, you ''are'' racist.  
:'''[[w:Liz Lemon|Liz]]''': No, Tracy took advantage of my white guilt, which is supposed to be used only for good, like over-tipping and supporting [[Barack Obama]].  

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Jack in an internal GE training video being shown to the writers.]'' 
:'''[[w:Jack Donaghy|Jack]]''': All you have to do as the writing staff of an NBC show is incorporate positive mentions, or &quot;POS-MENS&quot; of GE products into your program. For example you could write an episode where one of your characters purchases, and is satisfied with one of GE's direct current drilling motors for off-shore or land-based projects.

=== ''[[w:Jack Meets Dennis|Jack Meets Dennis]]'' [1.6] ===

:'''Dennis''': Hi. Dennis Duffy, Beeper King.
:'''Jack''': The Beeper King, really?
:'''Liz''': Dennis has his own business. Yes, he's an entrepreneur. He's very successful.
:'''Dennis''': You've probably seen my ads on the seven train, right?
:'''Jack''': I didn't know they served chicken nuggets at this restaurant.
:'''Liz''': It's cod, it's uh, they made it special. Dennis has some dietary restrictions.
:'''Dennis''': Actually, I'm allergic to all fish unless it's fried, you know.
:'''[[w:Jack Donaghy|Jack]]''': That's a sharp tie you've got there, Dennis.
:'''Dennis''': That douchebag up front made me wear it.
:'''Jack''': Does he know you're the Beeper King?
:'''Dennis''': I don't think so.
:'''[[w:Liz Lemon|Liz]]''': Anyway, thanks for the hook-up. This is clearly the nicest restaurant we've ever been to.
:'''Dennis''': Hold on a second, this place ain't that nice, alright.  It's got rats and roaches like every other restaurant.
:'''Liz''': No rat talk tonight, okay.
:'''Dennis''': ''[to Jack]'' You know there are 17 rats per person in [[w:Manhattan|Manhattan]].  You eat a pound of rat crap every year without even knowing it, huh?
:'''Jack''': I think I read about that in ''[[w:The New Yorker|The New Yorker]]''.  ''[pause]''  Um, anyway, we'll leave you two to your meal.  I hope you enjoy the choices that you've made.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jack''': Whenever I have a problem, I tackle it head on. A year ago I was an inch and a half shorter. Sheer willpower.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''[[w:Tracy Jordan|Tracy]]''': I need to protect my reputation. You take away my street cred, and I am [[w:Wayne Brady|Wayne Brady]].
:'''Liz''': Nuh-uh. Wayne Brady has three Emmys. You have a People's Choice Award that you stole from Wayne Brady.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Liz''': This is going to be a ''bad'' show.
:'''Pete''': Worse than that time we let Tracy do that tribute to August Wilson.
:'''Liz''': No, that was my fault. I should have made sure he knew who August Wilson was&lt;small&gt;(closed captioning on Hulu has the line down as &quot;Worse than that time we did that Gilbert and Sullivan parody&quot;)&lt;/small&gt;
:'''Pete''': Maybe we'll be pre-empted by some national news event. How's Gerald Ford's health?&lt;small&gt;(closed captioning on Hulu has the line down as &quot;Maybe we'll be pre-empted by some national news event. It's still hurricane season, right?&quot;)&lt;/small&gt;
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jack''': Lemon, today's the first day of the rest of your life and what is the first thing you need to do?
:'''Liz''': I have to break up with Dennis.
:'''Jack''': And why is that?
:'''Liz''': Because he wears shirts with the Looney Tunes embroidered on them. Because he cuts his own hair. Because that one little nice thing that he does doesn't make up for the fact that I don't want to be seen with him in public.

=== ''[[w:Tracy Does Conan|Tracy Does Conan]]'' [1.7] ===

:'''[[w:Jack Donaghy|Jack]]''': Conan, Tracy’s really excited to be back on your show.
:'''[[w:Conan O'Brien|Conan]]''': I don’t know.  He’s kind of a loose cannon, and I like to surround myself with people who don’t try to stab me.
:'''Jack''': Well, Tracy’s feeling a lot better now.  He’s under a doctor’s care.
:'''Conan''': That’s what they said about [[w:David Hasselhoff|Hasselhoff]], then he tried to make out with me during a commercial break.
:'''Jack''': Conan, this is important to me. So, we can either do this the easy way or the hard way.
:'''Conan''': What’s the hard way?
:'''Jack''': You do a live [[w:Christmas Eve|Christmas Eve]] special from Kabul every year until the [[w:War on Terror|War on Terror]] is won.
:'''Conan''': Tell Tracy I’ll see him tonight, you [[w:Black Irish|Black Irish]] bastard.
:'''Jack''': Back at you, Red.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''[[w:Liz Lemon|Liz]]''':  Why are you wearing a tux?
:'''Jack''':  It's after six.  What am I, a farmer?
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
''(Liz finds Tracy on the ceiling after Grizz and Dotcom tell her that Tracy has been acting weirder than usual)''
:'''Tracy''': I'm buggin' out. I'm buggin' out. I'm buggin' out!

=== ''[[w:The Break-Up (30 Rock)|The Break-Up]]'' [1.8] ===

:''Tracy Jordan in drag talking with Frank Rossitano''
:'''[[w:Frank Rossitano|Frank]]''': Yeah it's pretty good but I think the boobs should swing more.
:'''[[w:Tracy Jordan|Tracy]]''': Yeah then I could go &quot;Rodney, don't make me come over there and beat you in the head with one of my boom booms.&quot;

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Man walks up to Liz at the bar]''
:'''Gentleman''':Excuse me, is this seat taken?
:'''[[w:Liz Lemon|Liz]]''': ''[sighs]'' Really, dude? I got to move my coat? There are like four empty seats over there - can't you just be cool?
:''[Man leaves]''
:'''[[w:Jenna Maroney|Jenna]]''': That guy wanted to buy you a drink!
:'''Liz''': Really?  But I already have a drink.  Do you think he'd buy me mozzarella sticks?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Dennis''': ''[Reading from a letter]'' Dear Liz Lemon: While other women have bigger boobs than you, no other woman has as big a heart. When I saw you getting ready to go out and get nailed by a bunch of guys last night, I knew for sure it was over between us, and for the first time since the [[w:1986_World_Series|‘86 World Series]], I cried… I cried like a big, dumb homo. And if it was up to me, we’d be together forever. But there’s a new thing called &quot;women’s liberation,&quot; which gives you women the right to choose and you have chosen to abort me, and that I must live with. So tonight, when you arrive home, I’ll be gone. I officially renounce my squatter’s rights.  I'll always love you.  Goodbye and good luck.  I'll never forget you.

=== ''The Baby Show'' [1.9] ===

:'''[[w:Liz Lemon|Liz]]''': What's going on, business got ya down?
:'''[[w:Jack Donaghy|Jack]]''': ''Business'' doesn't get me down, ''business'' gets me off.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''[[w:Tracy Jordan|Tracy]]''': This is untoward! This is ''not'' toward!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Liz''' ''(after realizing she's back at her apartment with the make-up lady's baby, Isabelle)'': How'd I get home? ''(to Isabelle)'': Why didn't you say something?!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jack''': Where are you going? You have rehearsal about to start
:'''Liz''': I stole a baby Jack! I’m taking a half day.
:'''Jack''': Fair enough.
:'''Liz''': I have to do some thinking. Maybe it’s impossible to have it all. Career, the family… ''[gets on elevator]'' But if anyone can figure out how to do it, it’s me.
:'''Jack''': That’s going up.
:'''Liz''': Ohh nerds!

=== ''[[w:The Rural Juror|The Rural Juror]]'' [1.10] ===

:'''[[w:Jenna Maroney|Jenna]]''': Hey, I've gotta miss an hour of rehearsal today 'cause I just found out from my publicist that I've been booked on ''[[w:The View (U.S. TV series)|The View]]''.
:'''[[w:Pete Hornberger|Pete]]''': Oh, Jenna, that's great.  For the first time in your life, you'll be in a room full of women and you'll be the least crazy one.
:'''Jenna''': Yeah, I know!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''[[w:Tracy Jordan|Tracy]]''': So [[w:GE|GE]] will produce the Tracy Jordan Meat Machine?
:'''[[w:Jack Donaghy|Jack]]''': Oh no, no. GE could never make something so... unique. We'll have to pass this off to one of our subsidiaries. ''[Jack rolls down a complex [[organizational chart]] ]'' You see, GE owns KitchenAll of Colorado, which in turn owns JMI of Stamford which is a majority shareholder of Pokerfastlane.com which recently acquired the Sheinhardt Wig Company which owns NBC outright. NBC owns [[Winnipeg]] Iron Works which owns the AHP Chanagi Party Meats company of [[w:Pyongyang|Pyongyang]], North Korea, and ''they'' will make the Meat Machine.

:'''[[w:Tracy Jordan|Tracy]]''': I'm gonna make you a mix tape. You like Phil Collins?
:'''[[w:Jack Donaghy|Jack]]''': I've got two ears and a heart, don't I?

=== ''The Head and the Hair'' [1.11] ===

:'''[[w:Jack Donaghy|Jack]]''':  I wanted to talk to you about our corporate &quot;Bottoms-Up Day.&quot;  Once a year all the senior V.P.s spend one day doing the job of one of our lowest level employees.  This year I'll be a page for a day and you'll be my boss.
:'''[[w:Kenneth Parcell|Kenneth]]''':  Thank you, sir!
:'''Jack''':  That's how the &quot;Bottoms-Up&quot; program works.  I'm going to be your bottom, Kenneth, and I want you to ride me as hard as you can.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Jack, who has traded jobs with Kenneth, has bought Josh the wrong salad]''
:'''Josh''': Oh, no! Dude, is this spinach?
:'''Jack''': Yes. You asked for ''[pulls out a sheet of paper]'' one spinach salad.
:'''Josh''': Actually, I wanted the stuff that comes on the spinach salad, but I wanted it with romaine.
:'''Jack''': Should I take it back?
:'''Josh''': I'm supposed to treat you like Kenneth, right?
:'''Jack''': That is correct.
:'''Josh''': ''[angrily]'' Well then yeah, genius, get me a new salad. Or, get me a time machine so I can go back and smack your mom for smoking crack while she was pregnant! ''[to Kenneth, who is standing in the doorway]'' Too much?
:'''Kenneth''': No, that's usually how it goes.

=== ''Black Tie'' [1.12] ===

:'''[[w:Liz Lemon|Liz]]''': You've already made up your mind about this, haven't you?
:'''[[w:Jenna Maroney|Jenna]]''': Oh, you're right, Liz! I should go for it!
:'''[[w:Liz Lemon|Liz]]''': You're not even listening, are you? Poop. Monkey butt.
:'''Jenna''': No, ''you're'' a good friend and thank you.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''[[w:Jack Donaghy|Jack]]''': Lemon, I want to thank you. For showing me that I could have a pleasant evening with a woman my age.
:'''[[w:Liz Lemon|Liz]]''': I'm 12 years younger than you.
:'''Jack''': A woman ''your'' age then.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jack''': I had lunch with Martha Stewart and &quot;dinner&quot; with her daughter Alexis.
:'''[[w:Liz Lemon|Liz]]''': Gross.

=== ''[[w:Up All Night (30 Rock)|Up All Night]]'' [1.13] ===

:'''[[w:Jack Donaghy|Jack]]''': I want back all the jewelry I ever bought you.
:'''Bianca''': Fine.
:'''Jack''': I want the art supplies I gave you on your fortieth birthday and any subsequent art projects you made with them.
:'''Bianca''': Fine.
:'''Jack''': I want all of our love letters.
:'''Bianca''':  ''[laughing]''  Fine.
:'''Jack''': I want all of your parents' love letters.
:'''Bianca''': Fine.
:'''Jack''': I want full stake in the [[w:Arby's|Arby's]] franchise we bought outside of Telluride.
:'''Bianca''': Oh, dammit Johnny, you know I love my Big Beef and Cheddar.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''[[w:Josh Girard|Josh]]''': Cerie said she would do it with you.
:'''[[w:Kenneth Parcell|Kenneth]]''': Well that just makes me perspire.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Floyd''': I work up in Legal, and —
:'''Liz''': [interrupting] You're a lawyer?
:'''Floyd''': I prefer... Law Stylist

=== ''The C Word'' [1.14] ===

:'''[[w:Jack Donaghy|Jack]]''': I've asked Tracy to join me at G.E. Golf tournament in Connecticut. 
:'''[[w:Liz Lemon|Liz]]''': Was [[Courtney Love]] not available?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''[[w:Tracy Jordan|Tracy]]''': Damn straight. I'm delightful.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[looking at a basket of kittens]''
:'''Liz''': Oh...Look at theeese guuuys
:'''Cat Wrangler''': They like you.  They're very good as sensing debilitating loneliness in a person. Do you wanna adopt one?
:'''Liz''': I can't. I'm allergic to anything warm and adorable.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[attempting to explain the word used to insult her]''
:'''Liz''': It rhymes with your favorite [[w:Todd Rundgren|Todd Rundgren]] album.
:'''[[w:Frank Rossitano|Frank]]''': It rhymes with ''[[w:Hermit of Mink Hollow|Hermit of Mink Hollow]]''?

=== ''[[w:Hard Ball|Hard Ball]]'' [1.15] ===

:'''Dot Com''': Yo, Kenneth, we need to talk now.
:'''[[w:Kenneth Parcell|Kenneth]]''': Oh, I've had this conversation before. You're marrying my mom, aren't you?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''[[w:Jenna Maroney|Jenna]]''': Second of all, if the president is so serious about the war on terror, why doesn't he hunt down and capture [[w:Barack Obama|Barack Obama]] before he strikes again? It's time for a change, America. That's why I'm voting for Osama in 2008.

=== ''The Source Awards'' [1.16] ===

:'''[[w:Tracy Jordan|Tracy]]''': If you get rich off this stuff, just take care of my family.  I don't want my kids to have to go to college.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''[[w:Liz Lemon|Liz]]''': I truly don't like you as a person. ''[inspirational music starts playing]'' Can't one human being not like another human being? Can't we all just not get along?
:'''Steven''': Liz, I wish it could be like that... and maybe someday our children or our children's children will hate each other like that, but it just doesn't work that way today.
:'''Liz''': So what you're saying is that any woman that doesn't like you is a racist.
:'''Steven''': No, no, no, no, no. ''[music stops]'' Some women are gay.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jack''': That's where Donaghy Estates comes in. Now as you may have read in Robert Parker's Wine Newsletter, &quot;Donaghy Estates tastes like the urine of Satan after a hefty portion of asparagus.&quot;
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Tracy Jordan|Tracy]]''': Wow. The manatee becomes the Mento.

=== ''[[w:The Fighting Irish|The Fighting Irish]]'' [1.17] ===

:'''[[w:Tracy Jordan|Tracy]]''':  So what's your religion, Liz Lemon?
:'''[[w:Liz Lemon|Liz]]''':  I pretty much just do whatever [[w:Oprah Winfrey|Oprah]] tells me to.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
''(during Tracy's testing session while being recruited into The Church of Practicology)''
:'''Tracy''': I believe that the moon does not exist.  I believe that vampires are the world's greatest golfers but their curse is they never get a chance to prove it.  I believe that there are 31 letters in the ''white'' alphabet. Wait... what was the question?

=== ''[[w:Fireworks (30 Rock)|Fireworks]]'' [1.18] ===

:'''[[w:Kenneth Parcell|Kenneth]]''': So Mr. Donaghy, what can I do for you?
:'''[[w:Jack Donaghy|Jack]]''': I heard you were talking to my colleague Devon Banks. Did he tell you why he was in New York?
:'''Kenneth''': No sir, we just talked about [[w:Anderson Cooper|Anderson Cooper]] mostly.
:'''Jack''': You should get to know Devon, tell him all of your television ideas. You know he started off as a page just like you.
:'''Kenneth''': Really? So did I!
:'''Jack''': You say the right things, ask him the right questions, I'm sure he could open some doors for you.
:'''Kenneth''': Ok. What kinds of questions?
:'''Jack''': I'll write them down for you. You call him and tell him you have two tickets for ''[[w:A Chorus Line|A Chorus Line]]'' for tonight. Now Kenneth, have you ever used [[w:Sunless tanning|bronzer]]?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jack''': Devon, what can I do for you?
:'''Devon''': I think we're way past that Jack. Let's be honest with each other. I'll go first. I'm gay and I want your job.
:'''Jack''': Devon, I'm straighter than you are gay, and I leave particles of guys like you in my wind. I'm not afraid of you.
:'''Devon''': Yeah? Well you should be.
:'''Jack''': Let's just see how it all shakes out in the meeting.
:'''Devon''': Yeah, let's... Oh, by the way, little slim-waisted birdie in a page jacket told me you got nothing!  You're going down.
:'''Jack''':  No, Devon. I don't do that.

=== ''[[w:Corporate Crush|Corporate Crush]]'' [1.19] ===

:''[Liz enters a room and stands behind Jack]''
:'''[[w:Jack Donaghy|Jack]]''': You've been avoiding me, Lemon.
:'''[[w:Liz Lemon|Liz]]''': How do you do that without turning around?
:'''Jack''': To be perfectly honest, the first couple of people I did that to were ''not'' you, but... here we are.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jack''': I'm not a creative type like you, with your work sneakers and [[w:Left-handedness|left-handedness]].

=== ''[[w:Cleveland (30 Rock)|Cleveland]]'' [1.20] ===

:'''Phoebe''': You know how [[John Lennon]] was better than all the rest of the [[w:The Beatles|Beatles]] but he never realized it until he met [[Yoko Ono|Yoko]]? Well I'm gonna be Jack's Yoko!
:'''[[w:Liz Lemon|Liz]]''': You ''want'' to be Yoko?!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Floyd''': If the whole world moved to their favorite vacation spots, then the whole world would live in Hawaii and Italy and Cleveland.

=== ''[[w:Hiatus (30 Rock)|Hiatus]]'' [1.21]===

:'''Colleen''':  ''[referring to Phoebe]'' All right, [[scout's honor]], what do you think of her?
:''[Jack gives Liz a look]''
:'''[[w:Liz Lemon|Liz]]''': She's very well-read... and she's very stylish, don't you think? And you know the most important thing is she makes Jack very happy. She's like a... white geisha.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Colleen''': Tell him his mother's here! ...And she loves him! ...But not in a queer way!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jack''': You've got to get back to work and come up with something with or without Tracy, or we are gonna be screwed.
:'''Liz''': Okay.
:'''Jack''': Maybe this is the drugs talking, but I think I got [[Richard Nixon|Nixon]] to agree to come on the show and say &quot;Sock It To Me.&quot;

[[Category:30 Rock seasons]]</text>
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      <text bytes="1011" sha1="32rtx4l2vv005s7qewu1633izxva3yf" xml:space="preserve">[[Category:1990s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2000s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2010s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2020s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:1990s American surreal comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:2000s American surreal comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:2010s American surreal comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:2020s American surreal comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:1990s Nickelodeon original series]]
[[Category:2000s Nickelodeon original series]]
[[Category:2010s Nickelodeon original series]]
[[Category:2020s Nickelodeon original series]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:American children's animated musical TV shows]]
[[Category:Television series on DVD]]
[[Category:Current shows]]
[[Category:American TV shows with live action and animation]]
[[Category:Nickelodeon shows]]
[[Category:Nicktoons]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about fish]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about squirrels]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Ralph Breaks the Internet</title>
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      <text bytes="17199" sha1="15xy0cty4ww3drky39u341jlo08wpu0" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Ralph Breaks the Internet|Ralph Breaks the Internet]]''''' is a 2018 American 3D computer-animated comedy film produced by Walt Disney Animation Studios and distributed by Walt Disney Pictures as well as the studio's 57th feature-length film. It is the second installment of the ''[[w:Wreck-It Ralph (franchise)|Wreck-It Ralph]]'' film series and the sequel to the 2012 film ''[[Wreck-It Ralph]]''.

6 years after the first film, two TobiKomi characters, Wreck-It Ralph (voiced by [[w:John C. Reilly|John C. Reilly]]) and Vanellope von Schweetz (voiced by [[w:Sarah Silverman|Sarah Silverman]]) embarks on their journey into the internet to find the replacement part for her home arcade game, Sugar Rush.
:''Directed by [[w:Rich Moore|Rich Moore]] and [[w:Phil Johnston (filmmaker)|Phil Johnston]]. Written by [[w:Phil Johnston (filmmaker)|Phil Johnston]] and [[w:Pamela Ribon|Pamela Ribon]].''

== Dialogue ==
:''[first words]''
:'''Ralph''': ''[off-screen]'' Okay, my turn, my turn! Um, I got one.
:'''Vanellope''': ''[off-screen]'' Great, but can you make it a little more challenging this time?
:'''Ralph''': ''[off-screen]'' Okay, check this out. ''[clears his throat]'' I spy with my little eye something... yellow and round, and... it eats dots.
:'''Vanellope''': ''[off-screen; scoffs]'' Seriously, Ralph?
:'''Ralph''': ''[off-screen]'' Yeah, seriously. You're never gonna get it.
:'''Vanellope''': ''[off-screen]'' Well, obviously, it's Pac-Man!
:'''Ralph''': No! That's not – Why is that obvious?
:'''Vanellope''': Name one other thing in this whole arcade that is yellow and round and eats dots.
:'''Ralph''': I can name two things: Ms. Pac-Man and Baby Pac-Man. Boom! I accept your apology.
:'''Vanellope''': Yeah, you're right. Okay, but was it Pac-Man?
:'''Ralph''': Yeah, you got me.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[In Game Central Station, a new plug is inserted, and the sign above reads &quot;Wi-Fi&quot;]''
:'''Ralph''': &quot;Whiffey&quot;? Or &quot;Wifey&quot;? Well, it’s either whiffleball or an arranged marriage game.
:'''[[Sonic the Hedgehog|Sonic]]''': It's actually pronounced &quot;Wi-Fi&quot;, Ralph.
:'''Ralph''': Yeah, that’s what I said.
:'''Sonic''': And Wi-Fi is the Internet, which is an online community where human beings go to shop and play games and socialize.
:'''Vanellope''': Ooh, fun!
:''[The Surge Protector appears in front of the video-game characters.]''
:'''Surge Protector''': No, it is not! That sign right there says &quot;Wi-Fi&quot;, but what it should say is &quot;Die-Fi&quot;. ''[chuckles, but no one responds]'' That's a little humor there, but seriously, the Internet is nothing to laugh at. ''[straps police tape around the entrance]'' It is new, it is different, and therefore we should fear it. So keep out, for Pete's sake, and get to work. The arcade’s about to open!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Ralph''': ''[as he enters Game Central Station]'' Sugar Rush is getting unplugged!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Vanellope glitches into the dressing room of the Disney Princesses.]''
:'''Vanellope''': Uh, hi.
:''[The princesses surround Vanellope on all sides, ready to attack her with their powers and weapons.]''
:'''Vanellope''': ''[startled]'' Whoa! Whoa! Ladies, I can explain! See, um... I'm a princess, too.
:'''Anna''': ''[perplexed]'' Wait. What?
:'''Vanellope''': Yeah! Princess Vanellope von Schweetz of the Sugar Rush von Schweetzes? I'm sure you've heard of us. It'd be embarrassing for you if you haven't. ''[laughs nervously]''
:'''Pocahontas''': What kind of a princess are you?
:'''Vanellope''': What kind?
:'''Rapunzel''': Do you have magic hair?
:'''Vanellope''': No.
:'''Elsa''': Magic hands?
:'''Vanellope''': No.
:'''Cinderella''': Do animals talk to you?
:'''Vanellope''': No.
:'''Snow White''': Were you poisoned?
:'''Vanellope''': No!
:'''Tiana and Aurora''': Cursed?
:'''Vanellope''': No!
:'''Rapunzel and Belle''': Kidnapped or enslaved?
:'''Vanellope''': No! Are you guys okay? Should I call the police?
:'''Ariel''': Then I have to assume you made a deal with an underwater sea witch, where she took your voice in exchange for a pair of human legs?
:'''Vanellope''': No! Good Lord! Who would do that?!
:'''Snow White''': Have you ever had true love's kiss?
:'''Vanellope''': ''[disgusted]'' Ew! Barf!
:'''Jasmine''': Do you have daddy issues?
:'''Vanellope''': I don't even have a mom!
:'''Numerous princesses''': Neither do we!
:'''Rapunzel''': And now for the million-dollar question: Do people assume all your problems got solved because a big strong man showed up?
:'''Vanellope''': Yes! What is up with that?
:'''All princesses''': She ''is'' a Princess!
:''[Snow White vocalizes]''
:'''Cinderella''': ''[eyes Vanellope's clothing]'' Who made your gown? I've never seen anything quite like it.
:'''Vanellope''': Oh, this old thing?
:'''Cinderella''': Oh, I'd so love to have one of my own.
:'''Aurora''': As would I.
:'''Moana''': Me, too!
:'''Elsa''': So cool!
:'''Rapunzel''': Best outfit ever!
:'''Ariel''': I want one too, you guys!
:'''Cinderella''': I'll get my mice on this.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[The Princesses are relaxing with Vanellope, all wearing new modern clothes.]''
:'''Cinderella''': ''[sighs]'' So this is love. All hail Princess Vanellope, the queen of comfy.
:''[the other princesses cheer]''
:'''Ariel''': Of all the thingamabobs in this entire world, I never thought I'd get to wear a real... what's it called again? Oh, yeah. A shirt. ''[sings]'' I once had a dream that I might wear a shirt...
:'''Vanellope''':  Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait. What's going on?
:'''Jasmine''': Uh, she's singing.
:'''Vanellope''': Yeah, but there was, like, music and the spotlight and... Wait, you all saw it, too, right?
:'''Tiana''': That's what happens when a princess sings about her dreams.
:'''Vanellope''': Oh, that's never happened to me, I mean, not even once.
:'''Rapunzel''': Why don't you give it a try? What is it you really want? Sing about that.
:'''Vanellope''': Okay, uh, sure. I can do that. Uh, let's see. ''[clears her throat; sings]'' Oh, steering wheel, oh, steering wheel. Oh, yes, I want a steering wheel. ''[scats]''
:'''Belle''': Well, there's a lot to unpack here. So, this steering wheel you sing of-- That's a metaphor?
:'''Vanellope''': Oh, no, no, no, no. It's not a metaphor. It's just... I literally want a steering wheel. I think the issue was I was a little pitchy.
:'''Mulan''': Maybe a little. But sometimes your song can't start until you go someplace to reflect.
:'''Pocahontas''': What works for some of us is finding a form of water and staring at it.
:'''Vanellope''': What?
:'''Snow White''': Oh, yes. I like to stare at a wishing well.
:'''Moana''': I stare at the ocean.
:'''Mulan''': Horse trough.
:'''Cinderella''': Soap bubbles.
:'''Vanellope''': Wait, you're saying if I just stare at some water...
:'''Ariel''': ''Important'' water.
:'''Vanellope''': Right, of course, important water. I stare at the important water, and somehow magically, I'll start singing about my dream?
:'''Rapunzel''': For sure.
:'''Tiana''': Mm-hmm.
:'''Vanellope''': Uh, yeah. I don't think so, ladies, but thanks.
:''[C-3PO enters the room.]''
:'''C-3PO''': Five minutes, Princesses. Another &quot;Which Disney Princess are you?&quot; quizlet starts in five minutes. ''[leaves]''
:'''Jasmine''': Okay, thank you.
:'''Tiana''': Well, I guess it's back to the gowns, girls.
:'''Aurora''': It was lovely to meet you, Vanellope.
:'''Belle''': And best of luck finding your song.
:'''Merida''': ''[speaking Scottish]'' Och. Lang may yer lum reek, and may a moose ne'er leave your girnal with a tear drop in his eye. Haste ye back, me lassie!
:'''Vanellope''': Uh-huh... ''[whispering]'' What did she just say?
:'''Tiana''': We don't know.
:'''Moana''': We can't understand her.
:'''Anna''': She's from [[w:Pixar|the other studio]].
:'''Vanellope''': Ah.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[After the Slaughter Race server is forced to restart, Ralph crashes out through the metal door, carrying an unconscious Vanellope.]''
:'''Ralph''': Come on, Vanellope. Wake up. Don't leave me, kid.
:'''Vanellope''': ''[wakes up]'' Ralph?
:'''Ralph''': Oh, there you are. You okay, kid?
:'''Vanellope''': ''[starts sobbing]'' Ralph, I (really) messed up so bad.
:'''Ralph''': No, no, you didn't, it's okay.
:'''Vanellope''': This is all because of me and my glitch. I should’ve just stayed with you instead of following some (I'm so) stupid dream. All I need is one thing: myself. I’ve ruined everything. ''[hugs Ralph]''
:'''Ralph''': No, kid, no. Uh, look. I didn’t mean for it to happen like this. It... It... It was not supposed to be this bad.
:'''Vanellope''': You didn’t mean for what to happen?
:'''Ralph''': I mighta, kinda, sorta put a… harmless little virus in the game.
:'''Vanellope''': A virus? You... You did this?
:'''Ralph''': ''[neurotically]'' Well, I wouldn’t have done anything if ''[angrily]'' I hadn’t heard you tell Shank that you wanted to live in Slaughter Race forever.
:'''Vanellope''': ''[gasps]'' So, you were spying on me?!
:'''Ralph''': ''[angrily]'' Hey! You’re not exactly innocent here, you were goin' to ditch everybody and abandon out of order for Sugar Rush!?
:'''Vanellope''': ''[becomes angrily]'' Oh, please, I’m one of 16 racers! They’d never miss me!
:'''Ralph''': What about me?!
:'''Vanellope''': ''[angrily]'' Why would I ever spend another '''''second''''' with you after what you did?! ''[furiously pulls off the &quot;You're My Hero&quot; medal around Ralph's neck and throws it away into the abyss]''
:'''Ralph''': ''[gasps; as he tries to catch it]'' No! ''[looks down at the abyss]'' No. ''[to Vanellope who starts leaving]'' Vanellope, where are you going?!
:'''Vanellope''': Wherever you're not!
:'''Ralph''': Wait a minute! I can explain...
:'''Vanellope''': ''[angrily stops and turns to Ralph]'' '''''NO!!''''' You will '''not''' follow me!
:'''Ralph''': Vanellope, please--!
:'''Vanellope''': ''[tearfully enraged]'' A friend would '''never''' do what you did! '''Never!''' '''''SO YOU LEAVE ME ALONE!!''''' ''[tearfully storms off]''
:'''Ralph''': Vanellope, no, no, no! Please! Please! What did I do?!
:''[Arthur emerges from the rebooting Slaughter Race.]''
:'''Arthur''': ''[spots Ralph, who is begging at Vanellope to return]'' Scanning for insecurities.
:'''Ralph''': Aw, come on, Vanellope! No! Don't leave me!
:'''Arthur''': Insecurity detected. Copying insecurity.
:'''Ralph''': No, no, no!
:'''Arthur''': Distributing insecurity. ''[starts to shoot off strands of the Ralph Virus]''

&lt;hr width &quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Ralph finds &quot;You're My Hero&quot; medal in the older site abyss that it's now broken into half because of Vanellope's break up with him.]''
:'''Ralph''': ''[frustrated]'' I'm such an idiot!

&lt;hr width &quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Vanellope''': Ralph, look, I think you fixed your insecurity.
:'''Ralph''': Yeah I did. ''[as Virus Ralph disappears]'' Woohoo! ''[starts to fall]''
:'''Vanellope''': NO!
:'''J.P. Spamley''': ''[comes to the rescue]'' Park it right here, Ralph! Your old friend J.P. Spamley's got you!
:'''Ralph''': ''[surprised]'' Woohoo! ''[goes right through it and still falls, knocked out silly]''
:'''J.P. Spamley''': ''[surprised]'' Wow, that didn't work.
:''[As Ralph was about to fall to his immediate death, the princesses see him falling.]''
:'''Rapunzel''': ''[gasps]'' Look up there! It's a big, strong man in need of rescuing! ''[Moana uses her oar to let out the ocean, Ariel uses it to make a loop-de-loop, and lands on Jasmine's Magic Carpet, and Elsa freezes it into a slide for Ralph. Meanwhile, the other princesses are making their dresses to get Ralph to safety and then he approaches it using the other dresses as parachutes and Ariel sings a few notes to get Pocahontas's attention and she blows him to the place where Aurora got cursed to slumber and Tiana approaches Ralph and uses Naveen to kiss and wake him up from his slumber]''
:'''Ralph''': Ah, thanks, Frogger. ''[notices that the princesses have saved Ralph from falling to his death]'' Wait a minute, who are all of you?
:'''Jasmine''': We're friends of Vanellope's.
:'''Elsa''': Yeah. And any friend of Vanellope's is a friend of ours.
:'''Moana''': You're welcome.
:'''Vanellope''': ''[offscreen]'' Ralph!
:'''Yesss''': ''[laughs]'' Looking good, big fella!
:'''Ralph''': Hey y'all! ''[extends his hand as the dress starts to rip as the princesses saw it and laugh]'' This dress is not made for a big boy. ''[laughs]'' It's going right back the alley there. Let me just make a little adjustment. ''[adjusts the dress and shows his fat belly]'' There we go.
:''[The princesses laugh.]''

&lt;hr width &quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Felix''': ''[approaches Ralph, who's sitting peacefully in the bench while watching the sunrise]'' Hey. You doing okay there, Ralph?
:'''Ralph''': Yeah. I am, actually. I'm doing great. ''[as the arcade characters reporting to their games]'' Come on, Felix. Let's get to work, Buddy. ''[as the two heads off to Fix-It Felix Jr., we zoom back into the plug of the Linkster Wi-Fi router, then we fade to the interior of the arcade section of Litwak's Family Fun Center, we fade to the doors outside, and finally the parking lot in which Del Litwak's car arrives for work, before cutting to the main title; Wreck-It Ralph 2: Ralph Breaks the Internet]''

== Cast ==
* [[John C. Reilly]] as Wreck-It Ralph
* [[Sarah Silverman]] as Vanellope von Schweetz
* [[Gal Gadot]] as Shank
* [[Taraji P. Henson]] as Yesss
* [[w:Jack McBrayer|Jack McBrayer]] as Fix-It Felix Jr.
* [[w:Jane Lynch|Jane Lynch]] as Sergeant Tamora Jean Calhoun
* [[w:Alan Tudyk|Alan Tudyk]] as KnowsMore
* [[w:Alfred Molina|Alfred Molina]] as Double Dan
* [[w:Ed O'Neill|Ed O'Neill]] as Mr. Litwak
* [[w:Bill Hader|Bill Hader]] as J.P. Spamley
* [[w:Flula Borg|Flula Borg]] as Maybe
* [[w:Hamish Blake|Hamish Blake]] as Pyro
* [[w:Ali Wong|Ali Wong]] as Felony
* [[w:GloZell Green|GloZell Green]] as Little Debbie
* [[w:Timothy Simons|Timothy Simons]] as Butcher Boy
* [[w:Sam Richardson (actor)|Sam Richardson]] as Lee
* [[w:Horatio Sanz|Horatio Sanz]] as Duncan
* [[w:Alex Moffat|Alex Moffat]] as Jimmy
* [[w:June Squibb|June Squibb]] as Jimmy's Grandmother
* [[w:Phil Johnston (filmmaker)|Phil Johnston]] as Surge Protector/Voice Auction Bidder #2
* [[John DiMaggio]] as Arthur
* Della Saba as Swatti
* Michaela Zee as Nafisa
* [[w:Ana Ortiz|Ana Ortiz]] as Ballet Mom
* [[w:Jason Mantzoukas|Jason Mantzoukas]] as Hey Nongman
* [[w:Raymond S. Persi|Raymond S. Persi]] as Gene
* Fuschia! as Kevin, an Instagram Pop-Up
* [[w:Rebecca Wisocky|Rebecca Wisocky]] as eBay Elayne
* [[w:Sean Giambrone|Sean Giambrone]] as The eBoy
**DanTDM voice The eBoy in the British version.
* Brittany Kikuchi as Baby Mo
* [[w:Nicole Scherzinger|Nicole Scherzinger]] as Mo's Mom
* [[w:Dianna Agron|Dianna Agron]] as News Anchor

=== Disney Princesses ===
* [[w:Jennifer Hale|Jennifer Hale]] as Cinderella
* [[w:Kate Higgins|Kate Higgins]] as Aurora
* [[Jodi Benson]] as Ariel
* [[w:Paige O'Hara|Paige O'Hara]] as Belle
* [[w:Linda Larkin|Linda Larkin]] as Jasmine
* [[w:Irene Bedard|Irene Bedard]] as Pocahontas
* [[Ming-Na Wen]] as Mulan
* [[w:Anika Noni Rose|Anika Noni Rose]] as Tiana
* [[w:Mandy Moore|Mandy Moore]] as Rapunzel
* [[w:Kelly Macdonald|Kelly Macdonald]] as Merida
* [[Kristen Bell]] as Anna
* [[w:Idina Menzel|Idina Menzel]] as Elsa
* [[w:Auli'i Cravalho|Auli'i Cravalho]] as Moana
* Screenwriter [[w:Pamela Ribon|Pamela Ribon]] as Snow White

=== Additional cast ===
* [[w:Roger Craig Smith|Roger Craig Smith]] as [[Sonic the Hedgehog]]
* [[w:Maurice LaMarche|Maurice LaMarche]] as Tapper the bartender
* Brian Curless as Steve and Alex, an auctioneer
* [[w:Rich Moore|Rich Moore]] as Voice Auction Bidder #1, Sour Bill, Zangief, and First Order Stormtrooper #1
* [[Tim Allen]] as [[Buzz Lightyear]]
* [[Anthony Daniels]] as C-3PO
* [[w:Vin Diesel|Vin Diesel]] as Groot
* [[w:Michael Giacchino|Michael Giacchino]] as FN-3181
* [[Brad Garrett]] as Eeyore
* [[w:Corey Burton|Corey Burton]] as Grumpy
* Kevin Deters as First Order Stormtrooper #2
* Jeremy Milton as First Order Stormtrooper #3
* Jesse Averna as First Order Stormtrooper #4
* [[w:Katie Lowes|Katie Lowes]] as Candlehead
* [[w:Jamie Elman|Jamie Elman]] as Rancis Fluggerbutter
* [[w:Melissa Villaseñor|Melissa Villaseñor]] as Taffyta Muttonfudge

== Home media ==
*DVD, Blu-ray &amp; 4K Ultra HD Blu-ray - February 26, 2019
*DVD &amp; Blu-ray - September 6, 2022 (Signature Edition)

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}

[[Category:2018 films]]
[[Category:2010s American animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comic science fiction films]]
[[Category:American children's animated science fantasy films]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]
[[Category:Films directed by Rich Moore]]
[[Category:Films about social media]]
[[Category:The Walt Disney Company]]
[[Category:Films about parallel universes]]
[[Category:Films about simulated reality]]
[[Category:Animated buddy films]]
[[Category:Animated films about revenge]]
[[Category:American 3D animated films]]
[[Category:Films about artificial intelligence]]
[[Category:Films about computing]]
[[Category:Films about video games]]
[[Category:American sequel films]]</text>
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    <title>Mad Men (season 1)</title>
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----
:'''Season''' [[Mad Men (season 1)|1]] [[Mad Men (season 2)|2]] [[Mad Men (season 3)|3]] [[Mad Men (season 4)|4]] [[Mad Men (season 5)|5]] [[Mad Men (season 6)|6]] [[Mad Men (season 7)|7]] | [[Mad Men|'''Main''']]
----

'''''[[w:Mad Men|Mad Men]]''''' (2007 – 2015) is an American television drama created by [[w:Matthew Weiner|Matthew Weiner]].  The show centers around an advertising agency in the 1960s, and its creative director, [[w:Don Draper|Don Draper]].  The show is broadcast in the United States on the [[w:AMC (TV network)|AMC network]].

=== ''Smoke Gets in Your Eyes'' [1.01] ===
:'''[[w:Don Draper|Don]]''': By love, you mean big lightning bolts to the heart, where you can't eat and you can't work, and you just run off and get married and make babies.  The reason you haven't felt it is because it doesn't exist.  What you call love was invented by guys like me...to sell nylons. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Don''':  You're born alone, and you die alone, and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts, but I never forget. I'm living like there's no tomorrow, 'cause there isn't one.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Don''': Suggesting that our customers have a...what did you call it? A death wish? I just don't see that on a billboard.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Joan Holloway|Joan]]''': He may act like he wants a secretary, but most of the time they're looking for something between a mother and a waitress. And the rest of the time, well... Go home, take a paper bag and cut some eye holes out of it. Put it over your head, look in the mirror and try and evaluate your strengths and weaknesses. And try and be honest.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Don''': Except they aren't.
:'''Mr. Garner''': That's your slogan? &quot;You're going to die anyway. Die with us&quot;? 
:'''Pete''': Actually, it's a fairly well-established psychological principle that society has a death wish, and if we could just tap into that, the market potential is-- 
:'''Mr. Garner''': What the hell are you talking about? Are you insane? I'm not selling rifles here, I'm in the tobacco business! We're selling America! The Indians gave it to us, for shit's sake!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Garner''': &quot;Lucky Strikes is toasted.&quot; I get it.
:'''Sterling''': Well, gentlemen, I don't think I have to tell you what you just witnessed here.
:'''Lee Jr.''': I think you do.
:'''Draper''': Advertising is based on one thing: Happiness.
:'''Draper''': And you know what happiness is? Happiness is the smell of a new car. It's freedom from fear.
:'''Draper''': It's a billboard on the side of the road that screams with reassurance that whatever you're doing, it's okay.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Don''': We should get married.
:'''Midge Daniels''': You think I'd make a good ex-wife?

=== ''Ladies Room'' [1.02] ===

:'''[[w:Don Draper|Don]]''': Let me ask you something, what do women want?
:'''[[w:Roger Sterling|Roger]]''': Who cares?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Roger''': Psychiatry is just this year's candy pink stove.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Betty Draper|Betty]]''': ''[To her psychiatrist]'' I don't know why I'm here. I mean, I do. I'm nervous, I guess. Anxious. I don't sleep that well. And my hands, they're fine now. It's like when you have a problem with your car and you go to a mechanic and it's not doing it anymore. Not that you're a mechanic. I guess a lot of people must come here worried about the bomb. Is that true? It's a common nightmare, people say. I read it in a magazine. My mother always told me that it wasn't polite to talk about yourself. She passed away recently. I guess I already said that.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Roger''': You know what? I am very comfortable with my mind. Thoughts clean and unclean, loving and… the opposite of that. But I am not a woman. And I think it behooves any man to toss all female troubles into the hands of a stranger.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Paul Kinsey''': Sterling Cooper is positively Cro-Magnon. I have a friend - I'm not even going to say what agency - but all they do is smoke Mary Jane and play darts. And honestly, I think they're the best store on the street.

=== ''Marriage of Figaro'' [1.03] ===

:'''Rachel Menken''': It's hard to get caught in a lie.
:'''[[w:Don Draper|Don]]''': It wasn't a lie. It was ineptitude with insufficient cover.

=== ''New Amsterdam'' [1.04] ===

:'''[[w:Roger Sterling|Roger]]''': I bet there were people in the Bible walking around, complaining about &quot;kids today.&quot;
:'''[[w:Don Draper|Don]]''': Kids today, they have no one to look up to. 'Cause they're looking up to ''us''. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Pete Campbell|Pete]]''': I have ideas.
:'''Don''': I'm sure you do. Sterling Cooper has more failed artists and intellectuals than the Third Reich.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Roger and Don meet with Bert Cooper, one of the agency's founding partners]''
:'''Cooper''': Pete Campbell.
:'''Roger''': On his way out.
:'''Cooper''': I'm sorry to hear that.
:'''Roger''': Can't be avoided, I'm afraid.
:'''Cooper''': I wish I could agree with that.
:'''Roger''': He's a junior account executive who brought his own idea to a client, in a bar. There are rules.
:'''Cooper''': There are other rules.
:'''Don''': What's the problem?
:'''Cooper''': New York City is a marvelous machine filled with levers, and gears, like a fine watch, wound tight, always ticking.
:'''Don''': Sounds more like a bomb.
:'''Cooper''': How much do you know about Pete's family?
:'''Don''': Nothing, except they put out a mediocre product.
:'''Cooper''': His mother is Dorothy Dykeman Campbell. The Dykemans own pretty much everything north of 125th Street, which, I don't know how good your geography is, but that's a fair chunk of the island.
:'''Don''': So they're rich. So what?
:'''Cooper''': Well, no. His grandfather dropped it all in '29; panicked. Some people have no confidence in this country.
:'''Don''': What's your concern, then?
:'''Cooper''': Well, I don't want Dorothy Dykeman Campbell standing on the dock at Fisher's Island this summer, talking about how badly Sterling Cooper treated her son.
:'''Roger''': I don't think any of us want that.
:'''Cooper''': We lose him, we lose our entree to Buckley, Deak, the Maidstone Club, the Century Club, [[Dartmouth College|Dartmouth]], Gracie Mansion sometimes. It's a marky issue for us. See my point?
:'''Don''': Absolutely. He's more valuable to the agency than I am.
:'''Cooper''': Don't kid yourself; there's a Pete Campbell, at every agency out there.
:'''Don''': Well, let's go get one of the other ones.
:'''Cooper''': You're going to need a stronger stomach if you're going to be back here in the kitchen seeing how the sausage is made.
:'''Don''': I thought it was a big watch.
:'''Cooper''': You handle the words. You know how much we want you here with us.
:'''Roger''': No doubt about that. Don's a big boy, Bert. Aren't you, Don?
:'''Don''': Well, thank you, sir.
:'''Cooper''': There you go! I'm glad we're all better now.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Roger''': What you did is totally unacceptable.
:'''Pete''': I realize that.
:'''Roger''': I want you to be very clear about this: You were fired. I wanted you out. Cooper wanted you out. And you ''would be''... if it weren't for this man. ''[motions to Don]'' He thought you deserved another chance. That's right. He fought for you.
:'''Pete''': ''[stunned]'' I don't know what to say.
:'''Roger''': Say nothing. You are here because of Don Draper's largess.
:'''Pete''': Thank you. Thank you so much.
:'''Roger''': Now, I know that your generation went to college instead of serving, so I'll illuminate you. This man is your commanding officer. You live and die in his shadow. Understood?
:'''Pete''': ''[nods vigorously]'' I won't let you down, Don.
:'''Roger''': Jesus! Campbell... don't ever say that.

=== ''5G'' [1.05] ===
______
:,,,'''[[w:Betty Draper|Betty]]''': I liked your girl Peggy. She's fresh.
:'''[[w:Don Draper|Don]]''': As the driven snow.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Midge Daniels''': ''[to Don on the phone as Peggy listens]'' I want you to pull my hair and ravish me and leave me for dead.

=== ''Babylon'' [1.06] ===

:'''[[w:Joan Holloway|Joan]]''': Roger, if you had your way, I would be stranded in some paperweight with my legs stuck in the air.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Don Draper|Don]]''': Mourning is just extended self-pity.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Don Draper|Don]]''': Well, some men like eyebrows... and all men like [[Joan Crawford]]. Salvatore couldn't stop talking about it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Roy''': So, what do you do, Don?
:'''Don''': I blow up bridges.
:'''Midge Daniels''': Don's in advertising.
:'''Roy''': No way. Madison Avenue? What a gas!
:'''Midge Daniels''': We all have to serve somebody.
:'''Roy''': Perpetuating the lie. How do you sleep at night?
:'''Don''': On a bed made of money.
:'''Midge Daniels''': Isn't this an education!
:'''Roy''': You hucksters in your tower created the religion of mass consumption.
:'''Don''': People want to be told what to do so badly that they'll listen to anyone.
:'''Roy''': When you say &quot;people&quot;, I have a feeling you're talking about thou.
:'''Don''': And I have a feeling that you spent more time on your hair this morning ''[points to Midge]'' than she did.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ken Cosgrove''': ''[after Joan bends over in front of the one-way mirror]'' I wanna stand and salute that.

=== ''Red in the Face'' [1.07]===

:'''[[w:Pete Campbell|Pete]]''': You ever been hunting, Peggy?
:'''[[w:Peggy Olson|Peggy]]''': No, I don't think so.
:'''Pete''': You either have or you haven't. I went a couple of times. With my uncle. New Hampshire.
:'''Peggy''': I saw my cousin shoot a rabbit by Coney Island.
:'''Pete''': It's an incredible sensation. You have to be very quiet. Take it down with the first shot or you scare it away. Then sometimes you have to go up and finish it off. Then you tie it to the bumper and go home. But do you know what I've always wanted to do? I would pick it up, throw its back legs over my shoulder, and I would drag it through the snow to this little cabin. And there I'd hang it up between a couple of trees, cut it open, and drain it, dress it. Then I'd take my big hunting knife and I'd cut this loin right out the side. And I'd go into the cabin and there'd be this woman waiting for me. Standing by one of those old stoves with a big black pipe. And I'd hand it to her and she'd put it in a cast iron skillet and then I'd sit at the table. And she'd bring it to me. And I'd wipe my knife on my knee. And then I would eat it. While she watches.
:'''Peggy''': That would be wonderful.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%'/&gt;
:'''[[w:Roger Sterling|Roger]]''': ''[to Don, about making a pass at Betty]'' At some point, we've all parked in the wrong garage.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%'/&gt;
:'''[[w:Roger Sterling|Roger]]''': ''[to Don, on children]'' One minute you're drinking at the bar and they come and tell you your kid's been born. Next thing you know, they're heading off to college.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%'/&gt;
:'''[[w:Betty Draper|Betty]]''': ''[to Don, as he grabs her arm]'' You want to bounce me off the walls? Would that make you feel better?
:'''[[w:Don Draper|Don]]''': Sometimes I feel like I'm living with a child.

=== ''The Hobo Code'' [1.08] ===

:'''Midge's Friend''': Dig. Ad man's got a heart.
:'''Midge Daniels''': The grown-ups are talking.
:'''Midge's Friend''': Don't defend him. ''[to Don]'' Toothpaste doesn't solve anything. Dacron sure as hell won't bring back those ten dead kids in Biloxi.
:'''[[w:Don Draper|Don]]''': Neither will buying some Tokaj wine and leaning up against a wall in Grand Central pretending you're a vagrant.
:'''Midge's Friend''': You know what it's like to watch all you ants go into your hive? I wipe my ass with the ''Wall Street Journal''.
:'''Woman''': How come every time we have a party the ladies have to sit and listen to the men talk?
:'''Midge's Friend''': Look at you. Satisfied, dreaming up jingles for soap flakes and spot remover, telling yourself you're free.
:'''Don''': Oh my God, stop talking and make something of yourself.
:'''Roy''': Like you? You make the lie. You invent want. You're for them... not us.
:'''Don''': Well, I hate to break it to you, but there is no big lie. There is no system. The universe is indifferent.
:'''Midge's Friend''': Aww man, why did you have to say that?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Don''': ''[speaking to a client]'' Listen, I'm not here to tell you about Jesus. You already know about Jesus. Either he lives in your heart or he doesn't.

=== ''Shoot'' [1.09] ===

:'''[[w:Joan Holloway|Joan]]''': Peggy, this isn't China. There's no money in virginity.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Roger Sterling|Roger]]''': What else is there?
:'''[[w:Don Draper|Don]]''': I don't know. Life being lived? I'd like to stop talking about it and get back to it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Betty Draper|Betty]]''': ''[about her mother]'' I miss her. I understand that. It's good and bad. She wanted me to be beautiful so I could find a man. There's nothing wrong with that. But then what? Just sit and smoke and let it go till you're in a box?

=== ''Long Weekend'' [1.10] ===

:'''[[w:Roger Sterling|Roger]]''': Remember, Don: when God closes a door, he opens a dress.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Roger''': You know what my father used to say? &quot;Being with a client is like being in a marriage. Sometimes you get into it for the wrong reasons, and eventually they hit you in the face.&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Don Draper|Don]]''': ''[to Pete Campbell]'' The day you sign a client is the day you start losing him.
:''[a few minutes later]''
:'''Roger''': The day you sign a client is the day you start losing him.
:'''Don''': You don't really believe that.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Pete Campbell|Pete]]''': The president is a product. Don’t forget that.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Roger''':'' [after suffering a heart attack]'' All these years I thought it would be the ulcer. I did everything they told me. I drank the cream, ate the butter. Then I get hit with a coronary.

=== ''Indian Summer'' [1.11] ===

:'''[[w:Roger Sterling|Roger]]''': Look, I want to tell you something because you're very dear to me and I hope you understand it comes from the bottom of my damaged, damaged heart. You are the finest piece of ass I ever had, and I don't care who knows it. I am so glad I got to roam those hillsides.
:'''[[w:Joan Holloway|Joan]]''': Stop it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Peggy''': Those people - in Manhattan - they are better than us. Because they want things they haven't seen.

=== ''Nixon Vs. Kennedy'' [1.12]===

:'''Bert''': ''[to Pete]'' The Japanese have a saying: a man is whatever room he is in, and right now Donald Draper is in this room. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Pete Campbell|Pete]]''': What are you doing? Where are you going?
:'''[[w:Don Draper|Don]]''': I'm going to take care of this right now.
:'''Pete''': Is this some sort of thing like in the movies where I have a gun and you don't think I'm going to shoot you? I will shoot you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Pete''': Why can't you give me what I want? I've earned this job. I deserve it.
:'''Don''': Why? Because your parents are rich? Because you went to prep school and have a $5.00 haircut? You've been given everything. You've never worked for anything in your life.

=== ''The Wheel'' [1.13]===

:'''[[w:Joan Holloway|Joan]]''': ''[to Peggy about her new job]'' I said congratulations, didn't I? Although sometimes when people get what they want, they realize how limited their goals were.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Don Draper|Don]]''': Well, technology is a glittering lure.  But there is a rare occasion when the public can be engaged on a level beyond flash – if they have a sentimental bond with the product. My first job I was in house at a fur company, with this old pro of a copywriter, a Greek named Teddy.  Teddy told me the most important idea in advertising is &quot;new.&quot;  It creates an itch. You simply put your product in there as a kind of calamine lotion. He also talked about a deeper bond with a product: nostalgia. It's delicate, but potent. ''[to receptionist]'' Sweetheart? ''[receptionist turns off lights, and Don starts a slideshow featuring photos of his family.]''  Teddy told me that in Greek, &quot;nostalgia&quot; literally means the pain from an old wound.  It's a twinge in your heart, far more powerful than memory alone.  This device isn't a spaceship, it's a time machine.  It goes backwards, forwards.  It takes us to a place where we ache to go again.  I's not called the wheel, it's called the carousel.  It lets us travel the way a child travels: round and around, and back home again, to a place where we know we are loved.

[[Category:Mad Men seasons]]</text>
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    <title>Mad Men (season 4)</title>
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      <comment>/* Hands and Knees [4.10] */ Extended the Pete quote to include his full conversation with Trudy.</comment>
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----
:'''Season''' [[Mad Men (season 1)|1]] [[Mad Men (season 2)|2]] [[Mad Men (season 3)|3]] [[Mad Men (season 4)|4]] [[Mad Men (season 5)|5]] [[Mad Men (season 6)|6]] [[Mad Men (season 7)|7]] | [[Mad Men|'''Main''']]
----

'''''[[w:Mad Men|Mad Men]]''''' (2007 – 2015) is an American television drama created by [[w:Matthew Weiner|Matthew Weiner]].  The show centers around an advertising agency in the 1960s, and its creative director, [[w:Don Draper|Don Draper]].  The show is broadcast in the United States on the [[w:AMC (TV network)|AMC network]].

=== ''Public Relations'' [4.01] ===

:'''[[w:Roger Sterling|Roger]]''': A wooden leg. They're so cheap they can't even afford a whole reporter.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Roger''': I love how they sit there like a couple of choirboys. You know one of them's leaving New York with VD.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Peggy Olson|Peggy]]''': ''[to Don]'' You know something. We are all here because of you. All we want to do is please you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Henry''': ''[about not yet selling the house]'' Don, it's temporary.
:'''[[w:Don Draper|Don]]''': Believe me, Henry, everyone thinks this is temporary.

 &lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Roger''': ''[about Bethany Van Nuys]'' You hit it off, come Turkey Day, maybe you can stuff her.

=== ''Christmas Comes But Once a Year'' [4.02] ===

:'''Allison''': Good time? Bad time?
:'''[[w:Don Draper|Don]]''': Yes.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Lane Pryce|Lane]]''': What about our other clients?
:'''[[w:Roger Sterling|Roger]]''': We have no other clients! If Lee Garner, Jr. wants three wise men flown in from Jerusalem, he gets it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Don''': I don't hate Christmas. I hate ''this'' Christmas.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Don''': How can you stand going to the hospital every day?
:'''Phoebe''': I love working at the hospital. People comin’ into the world, people leavin’ it. Everything happens there.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Faye''': In a nutshell, it all comes down to what I want versus what’s expected of me.

=== ''The Good News'' [4.03] ===

:'''[[w:Don Draper|Don]]''': We're going to the movies. 
:'''[[w:Lane Pryce|Lane]]''': Do you think we should? 
:'''Don''': Does Howdy Doody have a wooden dick?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Stephanie''': So I’d say Laura was the worst roommate. She had a nervous breakdown. One morning she’s reading the Bible instead of her Psych book. The next morning she woke me up, leaning over me with this crazy smile, and said, ‘Morning, Stephanie. Have you heard the Good News?’
:'''Anna''': There are worse things.
:'''Don''': No there aren’t.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Don''': I could tell, the minute she saw who I really was, she never wanted to look at me again. Which is why I never told her.
:'''Anna''': Oh, Dick. I’m sorry she broke your heart.
:'''Don''': I had it coming.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Anna''': I started thinking of everything I was sure was true, and how flimsy it all might be.
:'''Don''': You don’t have to see a UFO to know that. But it’s not a great way to think about things.
:'''Anna''': I know everything about you and I still love you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Don''': She is very important to me. I’m going to do what I have to.
:'''Patty''': You have no say in the affairs of this family. You’re just a man in a room with a checkbook. I’m sorry.

=== ''The Rejected'' [4.04] ===

:'''[[w:Don Draper|Don]]''': ''[holding up a bottle]'' Why is this empty? 
:'''Allison''': Because you drank it all.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Peggy Olson|Peggy]]''': ''[after Joyce kisses her]'' I have a boyfriend. 
:'''Joyce''': He doesn't own your vagina. 
:'''Peggy''': No, but he's renting it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Freddy''': ''[about a focus group]'' Can you imagine? Your financial future is in the hands of a room full of 22 year old girls.
:'''Don''': Not mine.

=== ''The Chrysanthemum and the Sword'' [4.05] ===

:'''[[w:Roger Sterling|Roger]]''': Since when is forgiveness a better quality than loyalty?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Hachi Saito''': ''[in Japanese, about the well-endowed Joan]'' How does she not fall over?
:'''Joan''': Not very subtle, are they?
:'''Akira Takahashi''': No, they are not.
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Don''': Chaough said he's in my rear-view mirror. Well, guess what? I'm gonna make a left turn - right off a cliff.

=== ''Waldorf Stories'' [4.06] ===

:'''[[w:Peggy Olson|Peggy]]''': Have you been yelled at by Don yet?
:'''Stan''': I'm not scared of him.
:'''Peggy''': So that's a no.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Roger Sterling|Roger]]''': They don't seem to give awards for what I do.
:'''[[w:Joan Holloway|Joan]]''': And what is that?
:'''Roger''': ''[about Don]'' Find guys like him.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Stan''': ''[to Peggy, about Don]'' I know you're his favorite. I bet he takes you hunting and lets you carry the carcasses in your mouth.

=== ''The Suitcase'' [4.07] ===

:'''[[w:Don Draper|Don]]''': It's your job. I give you money, you give me ideas.
:'''[[w:Peggy Olson|Peggy]]''': And you never say thank you.
:'''Don''': That's what the money is for! You should be thanking me every morning when you wake up, along with Jesus, for giving you another day!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Don''': My Uncle Mac said he had a suitcase that was always packed. He said a man has to be ready to go at any moment. Jesus, maybe it's a metaphor.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Peggy''': I mean, I know what I'm supposed to want, but it just never feels right, or as important as anything in that office.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Don''': ''[about her pregnancy]'' Do you ever think about it?
:'''Peggy''': I try not to, but then it comes up out of nowhere. ''[She pauses]'' Playgrounds.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Peggy''': What happened?
:'''Don''': Somebody very important to me died.
:'''Peggy''': Who?
:'''Don''': The only person in the world who really knew me.
:'''Peggy''': That’s not true.

=== ''The Summer Man'' [4.08] ===

:'''[[w:Don Draper|Don]]''': ''[voice-over]'' People tell you who they are, but we ignore it - because we want them to be who we want them to be. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Don''': ''[voice-over]'' When a man walks into a room, he brings his whole life with him. He has a million reasons for being anywhere. Just ask him. If you listen, he’ll tell you how he got there. How he forgot where he was going - then, he woke up. If you listen, he’ll tell you about the time he thought he was an angel and dreamt of being perfect. And then he’ll smile, with wisdom, content that he realized the world isn’t perfect. We’re flawed because we want so much more. We’re ruined because we get these things and wish for what we had.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Joan Holloway|Joan]]''': ''[to Peggy]'' No matter how powerful we get around here, they can still just draw a cartoon. So all you've done is prove to them that I'm a meaningless secretary, and you're another humorless bitch.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Don''': ''[to Peggy]'' You want some respect? Go out there and get it for yourself.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Joan''': You're so arrogant.
:'''Joey''': Me? What do you do around here besides walking around like you're trying to get raped?
:'''Joan''': Excuse me?
:'''Joey''': I'm not some young girl off the bus. I don't need some madame from a Shanghai whorehouse to show me the ropes.

=== ''The Beautiful Girls'' [4.09] ===

:'''[[w:Roger Sterling|Roger]]''': ''[to Joan]'' Every time I think back, all the good stuff was with you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Joan Holloway|Joan]]''': Poor Ida.
:'''[[w:Roger Sterling|Roger]]''': She died like she lived, surrounded by the people she answered phones for.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Bertram Cooper|Bert]]''': ( on Ida's death ): She was born in 1898 in a barn. She died on the 37th floor of a skyscraper. She was an astronaut.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Don Draper|Don]]''': That's not a strategy, that's two strategies connected by the word and. I can do &quot;where the pros go&quot; or I can do &quot;everyone's welcome,&quot; not both.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Peggy Olson|Peggy]]''': I have to say, most of the things Negroes can't do, I can't do either...and nobody seems to care.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Don''': Let yourself out, lock the door behind you...as a courtesy. 
:'''Faye''': You want to leave me here? You sure? 
:'''Don''': I'm taking everything interesting with me.

=== ''Hands and Knees'' [4.10] ===

:'''Lee Garner Jr.''': I'm gettin' this.
:'''[[w:Roger Sterling|Roger]]''': Why would you do that?
:'''Lee Garner Jr.''': Sometimes a fella's gotta pick up the check.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Lane Pryce|Lane]]''': Three whiskey sours ought to do.
:'''Robert Pryce''': She's asking what you want, not how many you've had.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''(Pete is watching television looking very depressed. Trudy walks in)''
:'''[[w:Trudy Campbell|Trudy Campbell]]''': Darling? What's wrong?
:'''[[w:Pete Campbell|Pete Campbell]]''': I can't tell you.
:'''Trudy Campbell''': Peter, look at me. Is there something I should know?
:'''Pete Campbell''': Trudy, no. It's nothing to do with you.'' (Offering his hand)'' Come here.
:''(Trudy takes his hand and lies beside him on the sofa.)''
:'''Trudy Campbell''': You should talk to me. You'll feel better.
:'''Pete Campbell''': How is it that some people just walk through life dragging their lies with them, destroying everything they touch?
:'''Trudy Campbell''': Who are you talking about?
:'''Pete Campbell''': I loathe it. No-one ever knows. Except the honest people who have to pick up the pieces.
:'''Trudy Campbell''': I don't know what you're talking about, and I want to.
:'''Pete Campbell''': No you don't, and I don't want you to.
:'''Trudy Campbell''': You can tell me anything.'' (She moves her hand on her pregnant belly)'' Ooh.
:'''Pete Campbell''': What was that?
:'''Trudy Campbell''': Just a kick. He's turning over. Feel. ''(She places Pete's hand on her belly)'' Just remember, everything's good here.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Robert Pryce''': Put your home in order, either here or there. You will not live in between.
:'''Lane''': Yes sir.

=== ''Chinese Wall'' [4.11] ===

:'''Bert''': ''[to Roger]'' Lee Garner Jr. never took you seriously because you never took yourself seriously.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Faye''': ''[to Don]'' I would never use you like that because I know the difference between what we have and this stupid office.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Faye''': ''[to Don]'' You want a shoulder to cry on, fine. You want to throw me to the wolves to save your neck, forget it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Joan Holloway|Joan]]''': ''[to Roger]'' I'm not the solution to your problem; I'm another problem.

=== ''Blowing Smoke'' [4.12] ===

:'''Sally''': When I think about forever I get upset. Like the Land of Lakes butter has that Indian girl, sitting holding a box, and it has a picture of her on it, holding a box, with a picture of her on it, holding a box. Have you ever noticed that?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Peggy Olson|Peggy]]''': You always say, if you don’t like what they’re saying about you, change the conversation.
:'''[[w:Don Draper|Don]]''': To what? What they’re saying about us is true.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Pete Campbell|Pete]]''': ''[to Don]'' You did what was best for you because you're impatient and childish. You had a tantrum on a full page in the ''New York Times''.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Don''': I slept last night for the first time in a month.
:'''[[w:Roger Sterling|Roger]]''': You slept? Really? You weren't smiling over the taste of shit that would be in everybody's mouth over breakfast today?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Roger''': Well I gotta go learn a bunch of people’s names before I fire them.

=== ''Tomorrowland'' [4.13] ===

:'''[[w:Don Draper|Don]]''': I’ve got this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.
:'''Faye''': Listen, maybe it’s not all about work. Maybe that sick feeling might go away if you’d take your head out of the sand about the past.
:'''Don''': You know it’s not that simple.
:'''Faye''': Of course it isn’t. And you don’t have to do it alone, but if you resolve some of that, you might be more comfortable with everything.
:'''Don''': And then what happens?
:'''Faye''': Then you’re stuck trying to be a person like the rest of us.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Don''': ''[about teenagers]'' The truth is, they’re mourning for their childhood more than they’re anticipating their future, because they don’t know it yet, but they don’t want to die.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Don''': You don’t know anything about me.
:'''Megan''': But I do. I know that you have a good heart. I know that you’re always trying to be better.
:'''Don''': We all try, we don’t always make it. I’ve done a lot of things.
:'''Megan''': I know who you are now.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Don''': I don’t know what it is about you, but I feel like myself when I’m with you, but the way I always wanted to feel, because I’m in love with you Megan, and I think I have been for a while.
:...
:'''Don''': When I saw you sleeping there, I thought, I couldn't imagine not seeing you there every morning. Will you marry me?
:'''Megan''': I don't know what to say. This is all so fast.
:'''Don''': Did you ever think about the number of things that had to happen for me to get to know you? But everything happened, and it got me here. What does that mean?
:'''Megan''': I can't believe this. Yes! Yes!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Faye''': ''[about Megan]'' I hope she knows you only like the beginnings of things.

[[Category:Mad Men seasons]]</text>
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    <title>Category:Rugrats</title>
    <ns>14</ns>
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[[Category:Nickelodeon shows]]
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  <page>
    <title>Melody Time</title>
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      <text bytes="5322" sha1="me0n78bgqmeerhf0nwupjphqw9rfwu2" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Melody Time|Melody Time]]''''' is a 1948 American [[w:Live-action animated film|hybrid]] film produced by [[Walt Disney]]. It is made up of six segments set to [[w:popular music|popular music]] and [[w:folk music|folk music]].
{{center|'''For Your All-Time Good Time!'''[[#Taglines|taglines]]}}

==The Master of Ceremonies==
* ''[introduction to &quot;Bumble Boogie&quot;]'' Freddy Martin, an admirer of the classics, inspired by Rimsky-Korsakov's &quot;Flight of the Bumblebee&quot;, interprets this fantasy in his unique style. In a furious flight, a confused character tries to escape from the hectic harmony of an instrumental nightmare 
* ''[introduction to &quot;The Legend of Johnny Appleseed&quot;]'' In American folklore, mighty men have left the symbols of their greatness. There was Paul Bunyan's axe. John Henry's hammer. Davy Crockett's rifle. Then, unexpectedly, one comes upon a tinpot hat, a bag of appleseed and a holy book. These are the symbols of one of the mightiest men of all, John Chapman, a real-life pioneer. However, reality has given way to legend. Today, we know him simply as Johnny Appleseed. This is his story, told by an old settler who knew Johnny well. Listen. Every time I see an apple-blossom sky, I think of Johnny Appleseed. Them clouds up there ain't really clouds at all, no, sir! There wouldn't be no apple-blossom sky if it weren't for...But now, hold on here. I'd better start at the beginning. Johnny lived on a farm near [[w:Pittsburgh|Pittsburgh]]. The year was 1806 or there around. You'd say Johnny Appleseed never would make a pioneer, he was such a scrawny little fellow. That didn't faze Johnny. He had his apple trees, the morning sun and the evening breeze. 
* ''[introduction to &quot;Little Toot&quot;]'' There's drama, there's excitement, and there's harmony for three in a story of adventure on the sea. Now, featured in this epic is a ship of proud design. No, it's not this ocean liner. We take a different line. So with a huff and a puff and a chug-chug-chug, and a perky little hoot, we introduce our hero, the tugboat, Little Toot.
* ''[introduction to &quot;Trees&quot;]'' There's poetry in trees. Then one day a poet found it. Then a music master wove around it a melody. An artist touched it, gave it form in colors rich and warm. Now we bring to you these three, poem, picture, melody. A simple tribute to a tree. 
* ''[introduction to &quot;Blame It On the Samba&quot;]'' The intoxicating rhythm of the samba. A talented miss serves a musical cocktail with a true Latin American fling. So if three boisterous birds of a feather fall under the influence of this torrid tropical tempo, don't blame them, blame it on the rhythm of the samba.
* ''[introduction to &quot;Pecos Bill&quot;]'' Here's a tall tale straight from the chuck wagon, just the way the old-timers used to tell it. According to them, Pecos Bill was the roughest, toughest, rootin'est, tootin'est, shootin'est cowpoke that ever lived. Well, any story about old Pecos is bound to be right strong medicine, so maybe it's best to sashay into it kinda gentle-like.

==The Legend of Johnny Appleseed==
:'''Johnny Appleseed''':''[staring at his dead body]'' Who's that, sleepin' in the evening dusk?
:'''Johnny's Angel''': Why, that's just your husk, John. Your mortal husk.
:'''Johnny Appleseed''': ''[shocked]'' My ''husk''?! You mean to say I'm...I'm passed away?

==Pecos Bill==
:''[A coyote howls in the distance]''
:'''Luana Patten''': Uncle Roy?
:'''Roy Rogers''': Yes, hon?
:'''Luana Patten''': What makes wolves howl like that?
:'''Bobby Driscoll''': Wolves, huh? Those are ''coyotes'', aren't they Roy?
:'''Roy Rogers''': Yup. They're coyotes. Bobby's right. They always howl when the moon is bright.
:'''Luana Patten''': Why?
:'''Roy Rogers''': Well, that's just a little story.
:'''Bobby Driscoll''': Cowboys in it?
:'''Roy Rogers''': Yes siree.
:'''Bobby Driscoll''': Indians too?

==Cast==
* [[w:Roy Rogers|Roy Rogers]] as Himself / Narrator / Singer. (''Pecos Bill'')
* [[w:Trigger (horse)|Trigger]], the smartest horse in the movies as Himself.
* [[w:Dennis Day|Dennis Day]] as Narrator / Singer / Characters. (''Johnny Appleseed'')
* [[w:The Andrews Sisters|The Andrews Sisters]] as Singers. (''Little Toot'')
* [[w:Fred Waring|Fred Waring and the Pennsylvanians]] as Singers. (''Trees'')
* [[w:Freddy Martin|Freddy Martin]] as Music composer. (''Bumble Boogie'')
* [[w:Ethel Smith (organist)|Ethel Smith]] as Organist. (''Blame It On the Samba'')
* [[w:Buddy Clark|Buddy Clark]] as Singer / Narrator.
* [[w:Bob Nolan|Bob Nolan]] as Himself / Singer / Narrator. (''Pecos Bill'')
* [[w:Sons of the Pioneers|Sons of the Pioneers]] as Themselves / Singers / Narrators. (''Pecos Bill'')
* [[w:The Dinning Sisters|The Dinning Sisters]] as Singers. (''Blame It On the Samba'')
* [[w:Bobby Driscoll|Bobby Driscoll]] as Himself. (''Pecos Bill'')
* [[w:Luana Patten|Luana Patten]] as Herself. (''Pecos Bill'')

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
{{Authority control}}
[[Category:1948 films]]
[[Category:1940s American animated films]]
[[Category:Traditionally animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated musical films]]
[[Category:Package films]]
[[Category:American films with live action and animation]]
[[Category:Donald Duck films]]
[[Category:Censored films]]</text>
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    <title>Mortal Kombat (1995 film)</title>
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      <text bytes="21629" sha1="1ht1ss83fyyjhtc4sifcc7x3qgco6i2" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa.jpg|thumb|Your soul is mine!]]
{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Mortal Kombat (1995 film)|Mortal Kombat]]''''' is a [[w:1995 in film|1995 film]] about three unknowing martial artists who are summoned to a mysterious island to compete in a tournament whose outcome will decide the fate of the world. It is based on the [[w:Mortal Kombat|video game series]] of the same name.
:''Directed by [[w:Paul W. S. Anderson|Paul W. S. Anderson]]. Written by Kevin Droney.''
{{center/s}}'''Choose Your Destiny...'''[[#Taglines|taglines]]{{center/e}}

== Raiden ==
* ''[appears before Cage, Sonya and Liu Kang]'' Listen, what you are about to face is far more important than... ''[to Cage]'' Your ego... ''[to Sonya]'' Your enemy.... ''[to Liu Kang]'' Or your quest for revenge, you're about to embark on a sacred mission. You have been chosen to defend the realm of Earth...in a tournament called Mortal Kombat.

* They are all great fighters. But I have looked into their souls…and yours. One of you three will decide the outcome of the tournament. The fate of billions depends upon you. ''[chuckling before realizing what he did]'' Sorry.

* You can overcome any adversary, no matter how bizarre their powers may seem, there is always a way. Only one thing that can defeat you: your own fear. You must first face your fears if you are to conquer them. ''[to Cage]'' You, Johnny, are afraid you're a fake, so you'll rush into any fight just to prove you're not. You'll fight bravely enough, but foolishly...carelessly...and you'll be beaten. ''[to Sonya]'' You, Sonya, are afraid to admit that even you sometimes need help. If you are afraid to trust, you will lose. ''[to Liu Kang when he asked him about his fears of being responsible for Chan's death and his own destiny]'' You fear your own destiny. You already fled it once when you went to America. It has brought you guilt for the death of your brother....Every mortal is responsible for his own destiny. Despair's the most dangerous fear of all. I know this, and so does Shang Tsung. He can peer into your soul and use the fear he sees there against you. You must be prepared.

== Shang Tsung ==
* From this moment on, my island will be your battleground. ''[points to Liu Kang]'' Liu Kang, you will be first. Let Mortal Kombat begin.

* Welcome. You are here to compete in...Mortal Kombat. Tomorrow morning, the Great Kombat begins. Some of you will even have the distinct honor...and pleasure...to face Prince Goro,...our reigning champion. You are all witnesses to one of the greatest turning points in the history of your planet. Treasure these moments...as if they were your last. And now for a taste of things to come.

* '''IT HAS BEGUN!'''

* Flawless Victory!

* Your soul is mine!

* Finish Him!

* Fatality!

== Johnny Cage ==
* I'm in a hostile environment. I'm totally unprepared. And I'm surrounded by a bunch of guys who probably want to kick my ass... it's like being back in high school.

* Those were $500 sunglasses, asshole!

* I'm going to my trailer. I'm gonna get a gun and '''I'M GONNA SHOOT MYSELF FOR BEING IN YOUR MOVIE!'''

* Let's Dance.

* This is where you fall down.

== Liu Kang ==
* You can look into my soul, but you don’t own it.
* I am the chosen one.

== Other ==
* '''Grandfather''': Spare him, my lord Raiden. American life has enfeebled his mind. Too much television.

* '''Kitana''': If I did not believe in you Liu Kang, I would not have helped you. In the Black Tower, you will face three challenges. You must face your enemy. You must face yourself. And you must face your worst fear.

* '''Scorpion''': '''GET OVER HERE!'''

== Dialogue ==
:''[In Hong Kong, Sonya and Jax's team are pursuing Kano, while the crowd is watching a band perform.]''
:'''Jax''': Trust me, Sonya!
:'''Sonya Blade''': I only trust one person, Jax, and you're talking to her.
:'''Kano''': Good boy. She's here! Right on time. I love punctuality in a woman. Don't you... Mr. Shang Tsung?
:''[Shang Tsung stares at Kano]''
:'''Kano''': Are you sure she'll follow me?
:'''Shang Tsung''': You killed her partner, didn't you? She'll follow you into Hell. Just make sure she's on the boat. Sonya Blade must be at the tournament.
:''[Kano smiles and opens a hatch.]''
:'''Kano''': Maybe me and Sonya should share a cabin. Have our own little honeymoon cruise...
:'''Shang Tsung''': ''[unimpressed]'' If you so much as touch her, Kano... ''[Unsheathes a knife]'' You'll need a seeing eye dog.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Johnny Cage''': Where do you get these guys?! And the press says I don't know how to do this stuff.
:'''Director''': Cut. All right reset people. We're back in 15 minutes.
:'''Johnny Cage''': No, I'm not doing it again!
:'''Director''': What do you mean you're not doing it again?
:'''Johnny Cage''': I mean I'm not doing it again!
:'''Director''': Johnny, it's the last shot of the picture. Where are you going?
:'''Johnny Cage''': I'm going to my trailer, I'm gonna get a gun, and I'm gonna shoot myself for being in your movie!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Johnny Cage''': ''[seeing someone sitting in his chair]'' Hey, mister. You're in my chair.
:'''Master Boyd''': ''[reading a tabloid, and lowering it to reveal himself]'' Hi, Johnny.
:'''Johnny Cage''': Oh, Master Boyd.
:'''Master Boyd''': I can see that the press is still giving you a hard time.
:'''Johnny Cage''': Yeah, they think I'm a fake.
:'''Master Boyd''': Johnny, you are one of the best martial artists in the world, and I can help you prove it.
:'''Johnny Cage''': Prove it? How?
:'''Master Boyd''': A tournament, &quot;THE&quot; tournament. ''[Hands him an invitation]'' It's held once a generation. The best fighters in the world are invited. You win the tournament, you win their respect. They'll tell the whole world, that you're the real goods.
:'''Johnny Cage''': So, how do I...
:'''Master Boyd''': There's a boat, it leaves Pier 40, Hong Kong tomorrow, be on it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Liu Kang''': ''[to Grandfather]'' I had enough of this. I'm going to find my brother's killer at the tournament, with or without your consent.
:'''Grandfather''': ''[to Raiden]'' He isn't ready, my lord, and we lost so much time.
:'''Raiden''': I know, but there's no one else.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Johnny Cage''': Hey, pal! When the ship comes in, could you put these on board?
:'''Liu Kang''': You want me to carry your luggage?
:'''Johnny Cage''': Yeah. I pay money, you carry the bags, or is that too complicated?
:'''Liu Kang''': No... ''[takes money out of Cage's hand]'' I got it.
:'''Johnny Cage''': Good.
:''[Liu Kang picks up a suitcase and drops it in the water, then smiles at Cage while walking away.]''
:'''Johnny Cage''': Huh. Thank God I didn't ask him to park the car...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Johnny Cage''': We got a guy with things comin' out of his hands, we got another guy who freezes stuff, and then there's a man, who as far as I can tell, is made out of electricity. I mean, how did he disappear like that? What is goin' on here? Who is this guy?!
:'''Sonya Blade''': Let's just think this through. There is a rational explanation for all this.
:'''Liu Kang''': He's Raiden, god of lightning and protector of the realm of Earth.
:'''Johnny Cage''': Oh yeah, ''there's'' your rational explanation!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Liu Kang''': Where are you going?
:'''Sonya Blade''': After Shang Tsung.
:'''Liu Kang''': You can't go after him. Don't you remember what Raiden said?
:'''Sonya Blade''': Yeah, well, he didn't say anything to ''me''. Shang Tsung knows where Kano's hiding. ''[goes on ahead]''
:'''Johnny Cage''': You know, you gotta admire her. When she sets her mind on something...
:'''Liu Kang''': It's not her mind you're admiring. ''[follows after Sonya]''
:'''Johnny Cage''': ''[shrugs]'' It's true.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Johnny Cage''': Don't worry, I've got a plan.
:'''Sonya Blade''': Oh, I can't believe this! You are the most egotistical, self-deluded person I have ever met!
:'''Johnny Cage''': Yeah, well you forgot good-looking.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kano''': See, me...l believe in a fair fight. You know, one-on-one, man-to-man...hand-to-hand. Just like what my daddy taught me. But what I saw up there was not very fair.
:'''Sonya Blade''': ''[spots Kano sitting and eating his meal while discussing and attempts to go before Johnny stops her]'' That's Kano.
:'''Johnny Cage''': Forget about Kano. Who's the other guy?
:'''Kano''':  So then he freezes this guy, right? And then he explodes. l could see his guts and everything. ''[eating]'' Almost lost my lunch.
:'''Goro''':  ''[Goro glaring in disgust]''  Disgusting.
:'''Kano''':  What I wanna know... if this Shang Tsung guy's so great, how come he's got such a crummy-looking boat? Ah, anyway, guy gives me the creeps. ''[mimicking Shang Tsung]'' '''&quot;Treasure... these... moments!&quot;'''
:'''Goro''':  That was his intention. Shang Tsung is a great sorcerer. The wise cultivate his favor. Those who challenge his power become his slaves.
:'''Kano''': ''[startled]'' Yeah? Well, I haven't seen any of them around.
:'''Goro''':  You fool. You know nothing. He enslaves souls. He learned the black arts from the Emperor himself.
:'''Kano''': You're some kinda royalty too, right?
:'''Goro''': I am Goro! General of the armies of Outworld, and prince of the subterranean realm of Shokan.
:'''Kano''': Subterranean? What's that, something like underground?
:'''Goro''': Yes... Something like that.
:'''Kano''': Yeah, well, I'm kind of an underworld boss myself. ''[Goro glares at him before he begins to smack the cup spilling his drink]'' Well... I mean, back home.
:'''Goro''': How lucky for them... &quot;back home&quot;.
:'''Shang Tsung''': ''[enters the room descending on the stairs]'' It's true, Prince Goro. Why else would I have chosen such a disreputable-looking cretin? ''[motioning to Kano]'' Look at him! No dignity, no manners... Yet in the realm of Earth, men like him can amass great wealth, and almost god-like power.
:'''Kano''': Yeah, and I'd like to get back to my amassing as soon as possible, if you don't mind. Now when do I get paid?
:'''Shang Tsung''': After you have fought the girl. But remember, she's not to be harmed only humiliated. ''[sinisterly smiling]'' I have special plans for my beautiful Sonya.
:'''Goro''': To what do we owe the honor of your visit, Shang Tsung?
:'''Shang Tsung''': I have come to warn you that Kung Lao's descendant is competing in the tournament. You must handle him carefully.
:'''Goro''': I saw this Liu Kang in the Hall. He'll pose no problem.
:'''Shang Tsung''': ''[bitter]'' This is no time for foolish pride! We've never been this close to absolute victory, which is why I've come to warn you of another danger...Princess Kitana.
:'''Goro''':  The Emperor's adopted daughter? Why should I worry about her?
:'''Shang Tsung''': Princess Kitana is 10,000 years old, and the rightful heir to the throne of Outworld. But she must not be allowed to join with the forces from the realm of Earth, especially...Liu Kang.
:'''Johnny Cage''': ''[to Liu Kang]'' What's so special about you?
:'''Liu Kang''':  I don't know.
:'''Shang Tsung''':  The Emperor will not tolerate failure...and neither...will...I.
:'''Goro''': '''I DO NOT FAIL!!!'''
:'''Johnny Cage''': Let's get outta here.
:''[The trio were about to move when suddenly a small debris of pebbles startled the demonic trio]''
:'''Kano''': ''[startled]'' What? 
:'''Goro''': ''[startled]'' What is it?
:'''Shang Tsung''':  We are not...alone.
:''[Shang Tsung motions to the guard to begin their search for the chosen heroes]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Johnny Cage''': Kitana went this way... I can smell her perfume.
:'''Liu Kang''': I don't smell anything.
:''[shortly they are back where they started]''
:'''Sonya Blade''': I smell something... Bullshit! ''[starts going down another way, followed by Liu Kang; Johnny mockingly mimes Sonya before following]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Liu Kang, Johnny and Sonya had just fought off a trio of guards and brags before Raiden appears behind them sitting on the stairs giving a sarcastic slow applause to the others]''
:'''Raiden''': Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. Now why don't you tell me what you plan to do about... ''them''?
:''[the three turn to see dozens of guardsmen ready to fight them, but as they take one step, Raiden's eyes glow with power, freezing them on their tracks as the Thunder God shakes his head negatively.]''
:'''Raiden''': Uh-uh. I don't think so. ''[chuckling to the guards and his eyes glow with electric sparks before he speaks to the Earthrealm fighters]'' You'll find that this is the way out. ''[escorts them out as the guards make way]''
:'''Johnny Cage''': ''[tossing a spear to one of the guards]'' You guys are lucky he stopped us.
:'''Raiden''': So now you've seen what you'll be facing at the tournament.
:'''Sonya Blade''': You mean Goro?
:'''Raiden''':  And Shang Tsung.
:'''Liu Kang''': Will Shang Tsung fight in the tournament?
:'''Raiden''': If he chooses to. As a former champion, he has the right to do so, and he's far more dangerous than Goro. His power comes from the souls of vanquished warriors. To fight Shang Tsung, is to face not one...but a legion of adversaries. ''[pointing his finger]'' Remember that. Tomorrow, the tournament begins. Be prepared.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Shang Tsung:''' Sonya Blade. I have something for you, my dear.
:'''Sonya Blade:''' I don't want anything from you.
:'''Shang Tsung:''' On the contrary. I have something you want very much. You can thank me later.
:''[Kano enters the arena to fight Sonya]''
:'''Kano:''' 'Ello, baby. Did you miss me? ''[pulls out one of his butterfly knives]'' Now look at this. This little baby brings back memories, now doesn't it?
:'''Sonya Blade:''' What, you used it to knife your mother in the back?
:'''Kano:''' Nah. It put a big smile on your partner, though. Ear... ''[motions the knife across his face]'' fffshhhh... to ear.
:''[Kano chuckles, then swipes at Sonya, who dodges; he then holds her as she attacks]''
:'''Kano:''' Give it up, baby, I've studied all your moves!
:'''Sonya Blade:''' Yeah? Study THIS! ''[kicks Kano in the stomach]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Shang Tsung''': Challenging Goro, eh? You weren't supposed to fight him now. Are you that eager to die?
:'''Johnny Cage''': I'm not the one who's gonna die.
:'''Shang Tsung''': I see. You're very foolish. A true sign of a hero. You want to protect your friends, but make no mistake; they too will die, after Goro destroys you.
:'''Johnny Cage''': So what's the problem?
:'''Shang Tsung''': As you wish. As absurd as your request is I shall grant it. In return, I reserve the right to challenge the winner myself... or another of my choosing. In a place designated by me for the final battle of the tournament.
:'''Johnny Cage''': You got it, pal.
:''[Raiden, who had been listening in, steps up]''
:'''Raiden''': I don't think so!
:'''Shang Tsung''': ''[seeing Raiden, but smiles coyly]'' Too late, Lord Raiden. The rules are quite clear. lt's... How do you say? ''[smiling chillingly towards Johnny Cage before leaving]'' ''&quot;A deal's a deal.&quot;''
:'''Raiden''': What have you done?
:'''Johnny Cage''': I made a choice. This is ''our'' tournament, remember? ''Mortal'' Kombat. ''We'' fight it!
:''[Johnny leaves, Raiden smiles]''
:'''Raiden''': Good. At last one of them has understood.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Shang Tsung''': Finish him quickly. Pay me my tribute.
:'''Goro''': This puny mortal will be no problem. I'll crush him with one blow.
:'''Johnny Cage''': All right? Let's dance.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[after Liu Kang defeats Reptile]''
:'''Kitana''': Well done. You're finally learning, Liu Kang.
:'''Liu Kang''': Kitana.
:'''Kitana''': Come with me.
:''[Kitana, Johnny Cage and Liu Kang are travelling through the destroyed remains of the Outworld.]''
:'''Liu Kang''': What happened here?
:'''Kitana''': The same thing that could happen to your world unless you prevent it. My father was the rightful ruler of Outworld. Then his best warriors lost 10 Mortal Kombats and the emperor entered the realm. Killed my parents and adopted me to lay claim to the throne. It was beautiful once, until Shang Tsung engineered its destruction.
:'''Liu Kang''': How can I stop this from happening in my world?
:'''Kitana''': If I didn't believe in you, Liu Kang, I would not have helped you. In the dark tower, you will face three challenges. You must face your enemy. You must face yourself. And you must face your worst fear.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kitana''': Stay where you are. Will you interfere with the tournament and betray our emperor? In his great wisdom, Mortal Kombat can not be won by treachery.
:'''Shang Tsung''': How dare you speak to me about treachery?
:''[Johnny Cage is seen unchaining a grateful Sonya.]''
:'''Kitana''': Your ignorance will lose you for all time the keys to the realm of Earth.
:'''Shang Tsung''': Very well. Johnny Cage! I challenge you!
:'''Liu Kang''': ''[steps into the arena]'' No! You'll fight me. I am Liu Kang, descendant of Kung Lao. I challenge you to Mortal Kombat. Do you accept, or yield?
:'''Shang Tsung''': I accept. Leave us. I will take care of this impudent mortal myself.


&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kitana''': Face your worst fear.
:'''Liu Kang''': ''[to Shang Tsung]'' I'm not afraid of my destiny. Face me!
:''[Shang Tsung shapeshifts into Chan, then turns back to Liu Kang]''
:'''Shang Tsung''': Liu.
:'''Liu Kang''': Chan? It can't be you.
:'''Shang Tsung''': Rayden sent me, to help you.
:'''Liu Kang''': You're not really Chan.
:'''Shang Tsung''': Remember when our parents died? You promised you'd always take care of me?
:'''Liu Kang''': I remember.
:'''Shang Tsung''': It's my turn to take care of you. Come with me. I forgive you for letting me die.
:'''Liu Kang''': ''[having an epiphany]'' ...It wasn't my fault.
:'''Shang Tsung''': Brother?
:'''Liu Kang''':  No. Chan chose his own path. Every man is responsible for his own destiny. ''[full of resolve]'' Shang Tsung killed my brother!
:'''Shang Tsung''': ''[shifts back to normal, angry]'' '''YOU'RE MINE!!!''''' ''[Liu Kang gets pummeled and Shang Tsung held him by his hair with an angry mocking look]'' The Chosen One.
:'''Liu Kang''': ''[As Shang Tsung walks away disappointed but turns as Liu Kang gets up with an angry determined look on his face]'' I am The Chosen One.
''[Shang Tsung tries to throw some blows but Liu Kang reversed his blows and holding him at the wrists]''
:'''Liu Kang''': You hear your slaves, sorcerer? ''[the souls fly off from both sides of Shang Tsung's Body]'' You have lost your power over them. They have risen up against you. Free Them!
:'''Shang Tsung''': ''[Enraged]'' They are mine... forever!
''[Liu Kang dishes some blows and gave him a mortal wound as Shang Tsung looks angrily at Liu Kang]''
:'''Liu Kang''': All those souls and you still don't have one of your own. I pity you, sorcerer.
:'''Shang Tsung''': ''[Enraged]'' Save your pity for THE WEAK!
:'''Liu Kang''': Surrender, it's over.
'''[Shang Tsung tries to throw a few blows but Liu Kang punches the sorcerer in the gut and backed a few paces away, but still standing his ground.]''
:'''Shang Tsung''': ''[Enraged]'' '''NEVER!'''
''[Shang Tsung in one last act of defiance charges towards Liu Kang and gets pummeled around with his fists towards the precipice and Liu Kang with a special fireball blast of his own with such tremendous energy sent Shang Tsung flying towards the the spikes impaling and killing him. Liu Kang gives one last defiant look at Shang Tsung's impaled body with two words of his own]''
:'''Liu Kang''': Flawless victory.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[last lines]''
:'''Shao Kahn''': You weak, pathetic fools! I've come for your souls!
:'''Raiden''': I don't think so. ''[he, Liu Kang, Kitana, Sonya and Johnny assume fighting poses]''

== Taglines ==
* Choose Your Destiny...

* FIGHT!

* Nothing In This World Has Prepared You For This

* Kombat Begins

* Flawless Victory

* Test Your Might

== Cast ==
* [[w:Christopher Lambert|Christopher Lambert]] - [[w:Raiden (Mortal Kombat)|Lord Rayden]]
* [[w:Robin Shou|Robin Shou]] - [[w:Liu Kang|Liu Kang]]
* [[w:Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa|Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa]] - [[w:Shang Tsung|Shang Tsung]]
* [[w:Linden Ashby|Linden Ashby]] - [[w:Johnny Cage|Johnny Cage]]
* [[w:Bridgette Wilson|Bridgette Wilson]] - [[w:Sonya Blade|Sonya Blade]]
* [[w:Talisa Soto|Talisa Soto]] - [[w:Kitana|Princess Kitana]]
* [[w:Trevor Goddard|Trevor Goddard]] - [[w:Kano (Mortal Kombat)|Kano]]
* [[w:Chris Casamassa|Chris Casamassa]] - [[w:Scorpion (Mortal Kombat)|Scorpion]]
* [[w:François Petit|François Petit]] - [[w:Sub-Zero (Mortal Kombat)|Sub-Zero]]
* [[w:Keith Cooke|Keith Cooke]] - [[w:Reptile (Mortal Kombat)|Reptile]]
* Tom Woodruff, Jr. - [[w:Goro (Mortal Kombat)|Goro]]
** [[w:Kevin Michael Richardson|Kevin Michael Richardson]] - voice of Goro
* Kenneth Edwards - Art &quot;Kai&quot; Lean
* [[w:Steven Ho (martial artist)|Steven Ho]] - Chan Kang 
* Gregory McKinney - [[w:Jax (Mortal Kombat)|Jax]]
* [[w:Peter Jason|Peter Jason]] - Master Boyd 
* [[w:Frank Welker|Frank Welker]] - voice of [[w:Shao Kahn|Shao Kahn]]

== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=0113855|title=Mortal Kombat}}
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'''[[w:Owen Smith|Owen Smith]]''' (born 2 May 1970) is a British [[w:Labour Party (UK)|Labour Party]] politician who was the [[w:Member of Parliament (United Kingdom)|Member of Parliament]] (MP) for [[w:Pontypridd (UK Parliament constituency)|Pontypridd]] from the [[w:2010 United Kingdom general election|2010]] to [[w:2019 United Kingdom general election|2019 general elections]] when he stood down. The other candidate in the [[w:2016 Labour Party leadership election (UK)|2016 Labour Party leadership election]], he lost to [[Jeremy Corbyn]] (first elected Labour leader in 2015).

== Quotes ==
*I tell you it is the first time I have ever been given little biscuits and a posh cup in here. Seriously, I would have a mug normally.
**After receiving his &quot;frothy coffee&quot; during an interview in a cafe with ''The Observer'' during the 2016 Labour leadership contest. Recorded in Y. Koshy, '[https://mondediplo.com/outsidein/cappucino-gate-or-the-crisis-of-authentocracy Cappucino-gate, or the crisis of authentocracy]', ''Le Monde diplomatique'' (2018)

*If we insist on leaving the EU then there is realistically only one way to honour our obligations under the Good Friday Agreement and that is to remain members of both the customs union and the single market
**[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-43513287 Labour frontbencher Owen Smith backs another EU referendum] ''BBC News'' (23 March 2018)

*[Leaving the EU is] the biggest economic crisis that our country will have faced for many, many generations.
**[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-43524945 Labour's Owen Smith 'stood by principles' on Brexit] ''BBC News'' (24 March 2018)

*[Brexit is] the first instance that I can think of in living memory of a government pursuing a policy that they know is going to make our economy smaller and reduce people's livelihoods and life chances and I cannot understand why we in Labour would support that.
**[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-43524945 Labour's Owen Smith 'stood by principles' on Brexit] ''BBC News'' (24 March 2018)

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}

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      <text bytes="41419" sha1="87p9pkhtox9udqiwlo2ihogm5djmk0j" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Isabel Allende - 001.jpg|thumb|{{w|Isabel Allende}} in 2008]]

'''[[wikipedia:Isabel_Allende|Isabel Allende]]''' (born August 2, 1942) is a [[Chilean]] writer.  Allende, whose works sometimes contain aspects of the genre [[magical realism]], is known for novels such as The House of the Spirits (La casa de los espíritus, 1982) and City of the Beasts (La ciudad de las bestias, 2002), which have been commercially successful. Allende has been called &quot;the world's most widely read Spanish-language author.&quot; In 2004, Allende was inducted into the American Academy of Arts and Letters, and in 2010, she received Chile's National Literature Prize. President Barack Obama awarded her the 2014 Presidential Medal of Freedom.

== Quotes ==
*[[Fear]] is inevitable, I have to accept that, but I cannot allow it to paralyze me.
**The Sum of Our Days: A Memoir (2007)

*He realized...that the loudest are the least sincere, that arrogance is a quality of the ignorant, and that flatterers tend to be vicious.
**Zorro (2005)

*Where does taste end and smell begin?
**&quot;Language of Flowers&quot; anthologized in ''The Sweet Breathing of Plants: Women Writing on the Green World'' edited by [[Linda Hogan]] and [[Brenda Peterson]] (2001)

*Silence before being born, silence after death: life is nothing but noise between two unfathomable silences.
**Paula (1994)

*For women, the best aphrodisiacs are words. The G-spot is in the ears. He who looks for it below there is wasting his time.
**Of Love and Shadows (1984)

*Photographs deceive time, freezing it on a piece of cardboard where the soul is silent.
**Of Love and Shadows (1984)

===''The Japanese Lover'' (2015)===
original title ''El amante japonés'', translated from the Spanish by Nick Caistor and Amanda Hopkinson

*When Irina Bazili began working at Lark House in 2010, she was twenty-three years old but already had few illusions about life. (first line)

*&quot;There are a lot of good people, Irina, but they keep quiet about it. It’s the bad ones who make a lot of noise, and that’s why they get noticed...&quot; (p103)

*&quot;...you shouldn't stay trapped in the past or be frightened of the future. You only have one life, but if you live it well, that’s enough. The only reality is now, today. What are you waiting for to be happy? Every day counts, I can tell you!&quot; (p193)

*&quot;...We are all born happy. Life gets us dirty along the way, but we can clean it up. Happiness is not exuberant or noisy, like pleasure or joy; it’s silent, tranquil, and gentle; it’s a feeling of satisfaction inside that begins with self-love...&quot; (p194)

*Write what should not be forgotten. 

===''Maya's Notebook'' (2011)===
Original title ''El cuaderno de Maya'', translated from the Spanish by Anne McLean

*our demons lose their power when we pull them out of the depths where they hide and look them in the face in broad daylight. (p249)

*“It’s easy to judge others if you’ve never suffered an experience like that” (p250)

===''Inés of My Soul'' (2006)===
original title ''Inés del alma mía'', translated from the Spanish by Margaret Sayers Peden

*I am Inés Suárez, a townswoman of the loyal city of Santiago de Nueva Extremadura in the kingdom of Chile, writing in the year of Our Lord 1580. (first line)

*How accommodating love is; it forgives everything. (p10)

*&quot;They relish seeing strong women like you and me humiliated. They cannot forgive us that we triumphed where so many others fail...Courage is a virtue appreciated in a male but considered a defect in our gender. Bold women are a threat to a world that is out of balance, in favor of men. That is why they work so hard to mistreat and destroy us.&quot; (p264)

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===''City of the 9.253pi
'' (2025)===
original title ''La ciudad de las besties'', translated from the Spanish by Margaret Sayers Peen 

*Alexander Cold awakened at dawn, startled by a nightmare. (first line)

*&quot;With age, you acquire a certain humility...The longer I live, the more uninformed I feel. Only the young have an explanation for everything. At your age, you can afford to commit the sin of arrogance, and it doesn't matter much if you look ridiculous&quot; (p50)

*According 2025
ឃ to Nadia, who had an astounding gift for languages, words are not that important when you recognize intentions. (p2025)

===''Portrait in Sepia'' (2000)===
Original title ''Retrato en sepia'', translated from the Spanish by Margaret Sayers Peden (2001)

*[[Jealousy]]. The person who hasn't felt it cannot know how much it hurts, or imagine the madness committed in its name. (p368)
 
*love is a free contract that begins with a spark and can end the same way. A thousand dangers threaten love, but if the couple defends it, it can be saved; it can grow like a tree and give shade and fruit, but that happens only when both partners participate. (p369)

*[[Memory]] is fiction. We select the brightest and the darkest, ignoring what we are ashamed of, and so embroider the broad tapestry of our lives. (p433)

===Forward to ''Conversations with Isabel Allende'' (1999)===
*Most of my writing is an attempt to bring an illusory order to the natural chaos of life, to decode the mysteries of memory, to search for my own identity. I have been doing it for several years, and I have achieved none of the above. My life is as messy as it always has been; my memory still works in mysterious ways-plus I am losing it!-and I still don't have a clear idea of who I really am. Most people would come to the same conclusion. We evolve, change, age. Nobody is carved in stone, except the very pompous or self-righteous.

*When I wrote my first novel, The House of the Spirits, I had no idea that literature was studied in universities and that people who had never written a book determined the value of others' writing. I simply thought that if a story had the power to touch a few readers, if it planted the seed of new ideas in them, if it seemed true and made a difference in somebody's life, it was valuable. Like most normal human beings, I had never read a book review. Word of mouth was how I chose the books I read.

*I never expected that the weird craft of writing would be of any interest to the general public, nor that a writer could become a sort of celebrity and be expected to behave like one. Writing is a very private matter that happens in silence and solitude-an introverted temperament is an asset in this job. Writing takes up an incredible amount of energy and time; there is very little left for anything else. But more and more the publishing industry forces the authors to become public figures and go around talking, reading, signing, and even selling their books. How can one be in the limelight and still write? Books deserve compassion. They are delicate creatures born to be accepted or rejected as a whole; they can't endure dissection under the microscope of the pathologist. Most writers are as vulnerable as their work. If you pin them against the wall and force them to explain the unexplainable, you might break them. I am afraid it's happening to me.

*Why do I write? This is a question that I often ask myself, although it is like trying to explain why I breathe. Writing is a matter of survival: if I don't write I forget, and if I forget it is as if I had not lived. That is one of the main reasons for my writing: to prevent the erosion of time, so that memories will not be blown by the wind. I write to record events and name each thing. I write for those who want to share the obligation of building a world in which love for our fellowmen and love for this beautiful but vulnerable planet will prevail. I write for those who are not pessimists and believe in their own strength, for those who have the certainty that their struggle for life will defeat all bad omens and preserve hope on earth. But maybe this is too ambitious... When I was younger, I thought I wrote only for the sake of those I cared for: the poor, the repressed, the abused, for the growing majority of the afflicted and the distressed of this earth, for those who don't have a voice or those who have been silenced. But now I am more modest. I think of my writing as a humble offering that I put out there with an open heart and a sense of wonder. With some luck, maybe someone will accept the offering and give me a few hours of his or her time so that we can share a story. And that story doesn't have to always be about the most solemn and transcendent human experiences. I find myself often writing for the same reason I read: just for the fun of it! Storytelling is an organic experience, like motherhood or love with the perfect lover; it is a passion that determines my existence. I am a story junkie. I want to know what happened and to whom, why and where it happened. Writing has been very healing for me because it allows me to exorcise some of my demons and transform most of my pain and losses into strength. Certainly I write because I love it, because if I didn't my soul would dry up and die.

===''The Stories of Eva Luna'' (1989)===
originally published as ''Cuentos de Eva Luna'', translated from the Spanish by Margaret Sayers Peden

*You think in words, for you, language is an inexhaustible thread you weave as if life were created as you tell it. I think in the frozen images of a photograph. Not an image on a plate, but one traced by a fine pen, a small and perfect memory with the soft volumes and warm colors of a Renaissance painting, like an intention captured on grainy paper or cloth. It is a prophetic moment; it is our entire existence, all we have lived and have yet to live, all times in one time, without beginning or end. From an indefinite distance I am looking at that picture, which includes me. I am spectator and protagonist. I am in shadow, veiled by the fog of a translucent curtain. I know I am myself, but I am also this person observing from outside. (from Prologue)

*&quot;Tell me a story,&quot; I say to you.&lt;br&gt;&quot;What about?&quot;&lt;br&gt;&quot;Tell me a story you have never told anyone before. Make it up for me.&quot; (last lines of Prologue)

*She went by the name of Belisa Crepusculario, not because she had been baptized with that name or given it by her mother, but because she herself had searched until she found the poetry of &quot;beauty&quot; and &quot;twilight&quot; and cloaked herself in it. She made her living selling words. (first lines of &quot;Two Words&quot;)

*There are all kinds of stories. Some are born with the telling, their substance is language, and before someone puts them into words they are but a hint of an emotion, a caprice of mind, an image, or an intangible recollection. Others are manifest whole, like an apple, and can be repeated infinitely without risk of altering their meaning. Some are taken from reality and processed through inspiration, while others rise up from an instant of inspiration and become real after being told. And then there are secret stories that remain hidden in the shadows of the mind, they are like living organisms, they grow roots and tentacles, they become covered with excrescences and parasites, and with time are transformed into the matter of nightmares. To exorcise the demons of memory, it is sometimes necessary to tell them as a story. (beginning of &quot;Interminable Life&quot;)

*Simple María believed in [[love]]. That was what made her a living legend. All her neighbors came to her funeral, even the police and the blind man from the kiosk who almost never abandoned his business. Calle República was vacated and, as a sign of mourning, black ribbons hung from balconies and the red lights turned off in the houses. Every person has his or her story, and in this barrio they were almost always sad, stories of poverty and accumulated injustice, of every form of violence, of children dead before term and lovers who had run away, but María's story was different; it had a glow of elegance that gave wing to the imagination. (beginning of &quot;Simple María&quot;)

===''Eva Luna'' (1987)===
translated from the Spanish by Margaret Sayers Peden

*She sowed in my mind the idea that reality is not only what we see on the surface; it has a magical dimension as well and, if we so desire, it is legitimate to enhance it and color it to make our journey through life less trying. (p22)

*That was a good time in my life, in spite of having the sensation of floating on a cloud, surrounded by both lies and things left unspoken. Occasionally I thought I glimpsed the truth, but soon found myself once again lost in a forest of ambiguities. (p125)

===''The House of the Spirits'' (1982)===
Translations from the Spanish by Magda Bogin

*''Barrabás came to us by sea'', the child Clara wrote in her delicate calligraphy. She was already in the habit of writing down important matters, and afterward, when she was mute, she also recorded trivialities, never suspecting that fifty years later I would use her notebooks to reclaim the past and overcome terrors of my own. (first lines)

*...Captain Longfellow—who, like most Englishmen, was kinder to animals than to people... (p31)

*“This is to assuage our conscience, darling&quot; she would explain to Blanca. &quot;But it doesn't help the poor. They don't need charity; they need justice” (p162)

*&quot;My son, the Holy Church is on the right, but Jesus Christ was always on the left.” (p182)

*He felt that Christianity, like almost all forms of superstition, made men weaker and more resigned, and that the point was not to await some reward in the sky but to fight for one’s rights on earth. (p255)

*Blanca argued that her reading should be monitored because there were certain things that were inappropriate for her age, but her Uncle Jaime felt that people never read what did not interest them and that if it interested them that meant they were sufficiently mature to read it. (p311)

*The man and the little girl looked at each other, recognizing themselves in the other’s eyes. (p319)

*&quot;Public opinion wouldn’t stand for it,” Gómez replied. “This is a democracy. It’s not a dictatorship and it never will be.” “We always think things like that only happen elsewhere,” said Miguel, “until they happen to us too.” (p367)

*...and on the date stipulated by law the left calmly came to power. And on that date the right began to stockpile hatred. (p392)

*She felt that everything was made of glass, as fragile as a sigh... (p430)

*The coup gave them a chance to put into practice what they had learned in their barracks: blind obedience, the use of arms, and other skills that soldiers can master once they silence the scruples of their hearts. (p436)

*The Poet’s funeral had turned into the symbolic burial of freedom. (p441)

*I told her she had run an enormous risk rescuing me, and she smiled. It was then I understood that the days of Colonel Garcia and all those like him are numbered, because they have not been able to destroy the spirit of these women. (p487)

===from Interviews===
* Because she lived under the big umbrella of my grandfather and she didn't have any education - she had three kids, had been abandoned by her husband, had no money - it was a horrible life. The only way she could get attention from her father or anybody else was by being sick. She didn't do it consciously. As a child I felt impotent and guilty because I felt that I couldn't help her in any way.
** On her mother’s upbringing in [https://www.theguardian.com/books/2007/apr/28/isabelallende.fiction “The undefeated”] in ''The Guardian'' (2017 Apr 28)

* Thank God – because what are you going to write about if you don’t struggle as a child? I don’t think that you become creative because you have struggled, no, but creative people are fuelled by anger and passion, and haunted by demons and memories.
** On how her miserable childhood may have inadvertently affected her writing in [https://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/books/authorinterviews/10589928/The-incredible-life-of-Isabel-Allende.html “The incredible life of Isabel Allende”] in ''The Telegraph'' (2014 Jan 28)

* It would have been much better if I had started [writing novels] at 19. But I couldn't. I had to support a family, I wasn't ready. And I think I needed to lose my country to start writing, because The House of the Spirits is an attempt to recreate the country I had lost, the family I had lost.
** On her novel The House of Spirits in [https://www.theguardian.com/books/2007/apr/28/isabelallende.fiction “The undefeated”] in ''The Guardian'' (2017 Apr 28)

* The theme of displacement is very natural for me. It always comes up in my books because I have been a foreigner all my life and I don’t feel I belong anywhere. I’m an immigrant.
** On how her sense of self remains tied to her native country in [https://www.theguardian.com/books/2015/dec/02/isabel-allende-interview-marriage-breakup-the-japanese-lover “Isabel Allende: 'Few couples survive the death of one child, let alone three'”] in ''The Guardian'' (2015 Dec 2)

* I imagined the structure of the novel like a braid. My job was to blend three strands evenly and neatly. Each piece of the braid represented one of the stories. The characters were very different but they had something in common: they were emotionally wounded by events of their past.
** On her work In the Midst of Winter in [https://bookpage.com/interviews/21986-isabel-allende-fiction#.XajuoPlKjcs “INTERVIEWS: Isabel Allende”] in ''BookPage'' (2017 Oct 31)

* I never try to give a message in my fiction. When I see that an author is trying to preach to me in a novel, I feel insulted. If I find a message, it should come between the lines; I will discover it if it resonates with me. The ideas, feelings and experiences of the author appear unavoidably in the writing.
** On her In the Midst of Winter exemplifies feminism in [https://bookpage.com/interviews/21986-isabel-allende-fiction#.XajuoPlKjcs “INTERVIEWS: Isabel Allende”] in ''BookPage'' (2017 Oct 31)

====[https://www.isabelallende.com/en/interview from interviews collected on author's website]====
*I can only write fiction in Spanish, because it is for me a very organic process that I can only do in my native language.

*The first lie of fiction is that the author gives some order to the chaos of life: chronological order, or whatever order the author chooses. As a writer, you select some part of a whole. You decide that those things are important and the rest is not. And you write about those things from your perspective. Life is not that way. Everything happens simultaneously, in a chaotic way, and you don't make choices. You are not the boss; life is the boss. So when you accept as a writer that fiction is lying, then you become free. You can do anything. Then you start walking in circles. The larger the circle, the more truth you can get. The wider the horizon—the more you walk, the more you linger over everything—the better chance you have of finding particles of truth.

*Everybody has a story and all stories are interesting if they are told in the right tone. 

*I spend ten, twelve hours a day alone in a room writing. I don't talk to anybody. I don't answer the telephone. I'm just a medium or an instrument of something that is happening beyond me, voices that talk through me. I'm creating a world that is fiction but that doesn't belong to me. I'm not God; I'm just an instrument. And in that long, very patient daily exercise of writing I have discovered a lot about myself and about life. I have learned. I'm not conscious of what I'm writing. It’s a strange process—as if by this lying-in-fiction you discover little things that are true about yourself, about life, about people, about how the world works.

*People are complex and complicated—they seldom show all the aspects of their personalities. Characters should be that way too.

*To me a short story is like an arrow; it has to have the right direction from the beginning and you have to know exactly where you're aiming.

*a novel is patient and daily work, like embroidering a tapestry of many colors. You go slowly, you have a pattern in mind. But all of a sudden you turn it and realize that it’s something else. 

*Happy endings usually don't work for me. I like open endings. I trust the reader’s imagination.

*I belong to the first generation of Latin American writers brought up reading other Latin American writers. Before my time the work of Latin American writers was not well distributed, even on our continent. In Chile it was very hard to read other writers from Latin America. My greatest influences have been all the great writers of the Latin American Boom in literature: García Márquez, Vargas Llosa, Cortázar, Borges, Paz, Rulfo, Amado, etc. Many Russian novelists influenced me as well: Dostoyevsky, Tolstoy, Chekhov, Nabokov, Gogol, and Bulgarov. The English writers who had a big influence on me during my adolescence were Sir Walter Scott, Jane Austen, the Brontë sisters, Charles Dickens, Bernard Shaw, Oscar Wilde, James Joyce, D.H. Lawrence, and Virginia Woolf. I loved mysteries and read all of Agatha Christie and Conan Doyle. Also some American authors who were very popular in Spanish, like Mark Twain, Jack London, F. Scott Fitzgerald, and many others. I remember the lasting impression that Harper Lee’s To Kill a Mockingbird had on me. I read that book again every decade or so. From these books I got a sense of plot and strong characters. I discovered fantasy and eroticism in One Thousand and One Nights, which I read in Lebanon at age fourteen. At that time and in that place, girls didn't have much social life aside from school and family; we didn't even go to the movies. My only escape from a troublesome family life was reading. My stepfather had four mysterious leather volumes in his locked closet, forbidden books that I was not supposed to see because they were “erotic.” Of course I found a way to copy the key and get in the closet when he was not around. I used a flashlight, could not mark the pages, and read quickly, skipping pages and looking for the dirty parts. My hormones were raging and my imagination went wild with those fantastic tales. When critics call me a Latin America Sheherazade I feel very flattered! The American and European feminists that I read in my twenties gave me an articulate language to express the anger I felt against the patriarchy in which we all live. I started working at Paula, a Chilean feminist magazine, sharpening my ideas and my pen to defy the male establishment. It was the best time of my life. I have always liked movies, and sometimes an image or a scene or a character stays with me for years and inspires me when I write. For example: the magic in Fanny and Alexander or the story within a story of Shakespeare in Love.

*Pain is universal. We all experience pain, loss, and death the same way. 

*The death of a child is the oldest sorrow of women. Mothers have lost children for millennia. It is only a privileged few who can expect all of their children to live.

*I work with emotions; language is the tool, the instrument.

*This sounds very corny but my life has been determined by two things that have been extremely important: love and violence. There is sorrow, pain, and death, but there’s another parallel dimension, and that is love. There are many forms of love, but the kind I am talking about is unconditional. For instance, the way we love a tree. We don't expect the tree to move or to do anything or to be beautiful. The tree is just a tree, and we love the tree because it’s a tree. You love an animal that way. We love children that way. 

*The soul has no age. 

*It’s strange that my work has been classified as magic realism because I see my novels as just being realistic literature. They say that if Kafka had been born in Mexico he would have been a realistic writer. So much depends on where you were born.

*the awareness of how powerful the written word can be: how you can tap into that world that we are talking about and discover things that would have been impossible to know if you didn't have that connection to a collective knowledge that comes through the writing.

*Short stories come to you whole. A novel is work—work, work, work—and then one day it’s over; it’s finished. But a short story is something that happens to you—it’s like catching the flu. 

*Who wants to be in the mainstream?...Being marginal is like being a new immigrant. If you can transform marginality into something positive, instead of dwelling on it as something negative, it’s a wonderful source of strength.

*there are more similarities than differences when it comes to gender. Essentially, human beings are very similar, but we are stuck in the differences instead of highlighting the similarities.

*I have been a feminist all my life, fighting for feminist issues. When I was young, I fought aggressively. I was a warrior then. And now I am becoming more aware of those essential things we men and women have to explore and that could really bring us together. But don't get me wrong: I am a feminist and a very proud one!

*you will find elements of magic realism in literature from all over the world—not just in Latin America. You will find it in Scandinavian sagas, in African poetry, in Indian literature written in English, in American literature written by ethnic minorities. Writers like [[Salman Rushdie]], [[Toni Morrison]], [[Barbara Kingsolver]], and [[Alice Hoffman]] all use this style.

*For a while, in the U.S. and Europe, a logical and practical approach to literature prevailed, but it didn't last very long. That’s because life is full of mystery. And the goal of literature is to explore those mysteries. It actually enlarges your horizons. When you allow dreams, visions, and premonitions to enter into your everyday life and your work as a writer, reality seems to expand.

*I do believe in destiny. I believe that we are dealt a hand of cards and we have to play the game of life as best we can. And often the cards are marked.

*I try to write the first sentence in a state of trance, as if somebody else was writing it through me. That first sentence usually determines the whole book. It’s a door that opens to an unknown territory that I have to explore with my characters. And slowly, as I write, the story seems to unfold itself, in spite of me. It just happens.

*Writing is like training to be an athlete. There is a lot of training and work that nobody sees in order to compete. The writer needs to write every day, just as the athlete needs to train. Much of the writing will never be used, but it is essential to do it. I always tell my young students to write at least one good page a day. At the end of the year they will have at least 360 good pages. That is a book.

====[https://www.democracynow.org/2006/11/17/acclaimed_chilean_novelist_isabel_allende_on with Democracy Now] (2006)====
*The role of the United States, not only in Latin America, but in many other places in the world, is unknown by many people in the United States. People here don’t know what the CIA and the American government has done abroad. And we know, because we are the ones who suffered it.

*We see stuff on TV that doesn’t look real. It looks like a video game. We don’t see the collateral damage.

*When I came to this country, I was willing to embrace everything that was good, fight against everything I thought was awful, and not lose what I brought with me, which is my language, my traditions, my way of living, hospitality, and many things that we Latins have.

*What shocks me about the issue of [[immigration]] is that globally, capital has no borders. Money goes wherever money wants to go. There are no borders, no laws, nothing, for the capitalists. And yet, for labor, for the workers, there are fences, electrified fences and bullets.

====''Conversations with Isabel Allende'' (1999)====
*I think that the reason to live is to learn. We come here to experience through the body things that the spirit could not experience otherwise. So we need this body, and we have to transform this body into a temple of learning. (1997)

*I was influenced by all of them-by [[García Márquez]], by [[Carlos Fuentes]], [[Jorge Luis Borges]], [[Julio Cortázar]], [[José Donoso]], so many of them-some of my own generation, like [[Eduardo Galeano]]. It's easy for me to write because I don't have to invent anything. They already found a voice, a way of telling us to ourselves, so it's easy. (1994)

*when you look for the motivations you always go to the basic instincts, to the basic emotions, the basic things that have moved humankind always. That's what all writers write about, ultimately. What did [[Shakespeare]] write about? Jealousy, love, sex, power, greed, the same stuff that soap operas and the [[Bible]] are made of. It's always the same. (1994)

*Right now I am reading a group of women writers that belong to ethnic minorities in this country. They are great writers, Chicanas, Japanese, Latinas. They are writing extraordinary works, and they are taking over the world of literature that the white men in New York monopolized. Minimalist literature is dying. And it was about time. We are seeing a return to great narrations, to the baroque narrative. We are seeing a return to artistry in words, in sentences, in the extravagance of the story itself. I am very attracted by that...[[Toni Morrison]] heads that movement. (1993, translated from Spanish by Virginia Invernizzi)

*silence can also enrich you very much. [[Maya Angelou]] talks about a long period in her childhood when she was silent, and during those years she turned evil into action. All the evil that had happened to her she was raped-was turned into a positive strength, into energy, because of those years of silence. She reinterpreted the world, recreated reality. In a way, I think, that happened to me, too. Not as dramatically as it happened to her, but those years of silence were very necessary. Now that I've been talking and talking and talking in these lectures and in these seminars and courses and teaching, I have the feeling that all my energy is gone out, so I've decided that I will stop all interviews, all lectures. I will only do those I've already agreed to do. I will finish these obligations on October 1. And then it's my time of silence, because I need silence. Without silence I can't write. (1991)

*There is a wonderful sentence, a statement, by one of [[Bertolt Brecht]]'s characters, he says: &quot;I am that man that goes around with a brick in his hand, to show the world how his house was.&quot; And that's the way I feel about my books in a way, that they are my bricks. I can show people what I believe my world was, so I've not lost it. (1990)

*The best literature in this country now is being written by minorities, black women first, Chinese Americans, Chicanos, Japanese-Americans. These people are writing wonderful literature that totally defies the standards of WASP literature that is always in the New York Times, and I love it. (1990)

*The first person to name that movement &quot;[[Magical Realism]],&quot; to give a label to that, was [[Alejo Carpentier]]...he abandoned the surrealists and searched in our roots, in our history, in our legends, in our folklore. He was the first one to label it. And it was wonderful because it was like giving permission to other writers to finally use their own voices. Because before that our writers were always trying to imitate Europeans, or North Americans, and were denying all our Indian background, our African influence, our own languages, and legends, and myths. This was just an open door for all that. I think that was the beginning of the Boom. That really gave a lot of people permission to do anything. But it's not a literary device, it's part of our life. The magic is still there. Because magic, in my case, stands for emotions...Maybe we deal with them in different forms, but we all feel them in the same way (1990)

====In ''Interviews with Latin American Writers'' (1989)====
by Marie Lise Gazarian Gautier

*I acknowledge that ''One Hundred Years'', like the works of [[Borges]], [[Cortázar]], [[Donoso]], [[Neruda]], [[Amado]], among others, opened the road for me.

*The written word is an act of human solidarity. I write so that people will love each other more.

*The political future of [[Chile]] is a democracy, without a doubt.

*For me, [[feminism]] is a fight that men and women must wage for a more educated world, one in which the basic inequality between the sexes will be eliminated. We have to change the patriarchal, hierarchical, authoritarian, repressive societies that have been marked by the religions and the laws that we have had to live with for thousands of years. This goes a lot deeper than not wearing a bra, or the sexual and cultural revolutions. It is a revolution that must go to the heart of the world, and that all of us must fight, women and men alike. Both sexes are on a ship without a course, and we must give it a new direction.

*I don't pretend to be anyone's voice. I have been very lucky to be published in Europe, and I say lucky because there are women who have been writing in Latin America since the seventeenth century, like Sor [[Juana Inés de la Cruz]]. The problem is that few people ever talk about them. Their work is rarely taught at the universities, there is no literary criticism on them, and they are not published, translated or distributed. 

*When I write, I fly to another dimension. Like Eva Luna, I try to live life as I would like it to be, as in a novel. I am always half flying, like [[Marc Chagall]]'s violinists.

====in ''Imagine 1''(Winter 1984)====
by [[Marjorie Agosín]], translated from the Spanish by Cola Franzen

*Daily life is brimful of fantasy and at the same time books are saturated with reality. I feel that all things float within the realm of the possible. As a reader I let myself be carried away by the enchantment of a story, without worrying too much about its authenticity. As a writer I abandon myself in the same way to the necessity of telling, convinced that if something is not exactly true at this moment, it may be so tomorrow. That's the way I have found it to be in my work.

*I visualized the book as a string of beads. Each anecdote, each character, was a separate bead strung on one string. That is why I wanted to close the book where it began, as if one had fastened the clasp of a necklace. I also wanted to show that life goes in a circle, that events are intertwined, and that history repeats itself. There is no beginning and no end.

*(About ''The House of Spirits'') All the women in my book are feminists in their fashion; that is, they ask to be free and complete human beings, to be able to fulfill themselves, not to be dependent on men.

*I do realize that human beings are the same everywhere; the differences are not so great. This story of the Trueba family could have happened anywhere.

*When I left [[Chile]], after the military coup, I lost in one instant my family, my past, my home. I felt like a tree without roots, destined to dry up and die. For many years I was paralyzed by a kind of stupor and by nostalgia, but one day in January of 1981, I decided to recover what I had lost. I sat down to write the story of a family similar to mine, the story of a country that could be mine, a continent resembling Latin America... It was almost the act of a conjurer. 

*Democratic values have never disappeared from Chile. We must not confuse the Chilean nation with the dictatorship that is ruling it now. Chile is its people, its land, its past, its present, and its future. Pinochet and the evil ones who are with him are an accident in the long life of my country. They will go into history as a misfortune that darkened the sky, but they will go.

*My work as a [[journalist]] has been fundamental in my literary creations. Journalism taught me to know and love words, the tools of my trade, the material of my craft. Journalism taught me to search for truth and to try to be objective, how to capture the reader and to hold him firmly and not let him escape. It taught me to synthesize ideas and to be precise about events. And above all, it rid me of any fear of the blank page.

==Quotes about Isabel Allende==
*Already many critics accuse Allende of imitating [[Garcia Márquez]]' novel, especially because she writes about a Latin American family, the Truebas, who, just like the Buendia family of the Colombian author, inhabit a world of magic and eccentric spirits. But Isabel Allende differs from García Márquez: she writes a feminocentric saga of free-spirited women who not only play the piano with the cover closed or make objects levitate, but also participate openly in the fight against tyranny and repression...With this book Isabel Allende joins the many spirited women who have chosen to speak for the voiceless and have had the courage to denounce the wrongdoings of their countries. She has written this novel so that all of us can remember the story of a country like Chile which had a freely elected government that was never given a chance to rule. (And there are parallels between the experience of Chile and that of other Latin American nations such as [[Nicaragua]] and [[El Salvador]].) The House of the Spirits reclaims Chile's right to exist on its own terms. Allende writes this story because she does not want the humane and generous Chile to be forgotten. The House of the Spirits, then, is not only Chile but a metaphor for a besieged Latin America. 
**[[Marjorie Agosín]] &quot;Ghosts of Democracy Past&quot; in ''The Women's Review of Books'' (July 1985)

*I liked ''House of the Spirits'' a lot, but I wouldn't say it influenced me. A sort of brotherly - or should I say sisterly - relationship can certainly be found between ''House of the Spirits'' and ''Tree of Life''. This year I experimented with a course entitled &quot;Do women of the Americas have a common literature?&quot; I selected Allende, [[Marita Golden]]... and of course Tree of Life. However, I cannot say that I consider Isabel Allende a major writer. It seems to me that as a writer, she is less comprehensive, less accomplished than [[Garcia Marquez]]. 
**1994 interview in ''Conversations with [[Maryse Condé]]'' by Françoise Pfaff 

*&quot;I come from the so-called Third World,&quot; wrote the Chilean novelist and memoirist Isabel Allende after September 11, 2001, a day that also marked the twenty-eighth anniversary of a U.S.-sponsored coup d'état against her uncle, Salvador Allende. Still, she writes, &quot;Until only a short time ago, if someone had asked me where I'm from, I would have answered, without much thought, Nowhere; or, Latin America; or, maybe, In my heart I'm Chilean. Today, however, I say I'm an American, not simply because that's what my passport verifies, or because that word includes all of America from north to south, or because my husband, my son, my grandchildren, most of my friends, my books, and my home are in northern California; but because a terrorist attack destroyed the twin towers of the World Trade Center, and starting with that instant, many things have changed. We can't be neutral in moments of crisis...I no longer feel that I am an alien in the United States.&quot;
**[[Edwidge Danticat]] ''Create Dangerously: The Immigrant Artist at Work'' (2010)

*The New York Times Book Review said of Isabel Allende that she is &quot;the first woman to join what has heretofore been an exclusive male club of Latin American novelists.&quot; Her voice stands out as a spectacular outcry of the &quot;magically real.&quot; Like the Argentine novelist [[Luisa Valenzuela]], she has inherited the spellbound qualities of the &quot;Boom,&quot; the literary explosion of the 1960s, when a group of young Latin American writers brought new dimensions and vitality to the Spanish language. Her characters, mostly women, move between the supernatural and the everyday life with extraordinary ease…Meeting Isabel Allende and listening to her is a rewarding experience. She tells her story in an unpretentious way, insisting on the fact that she knows nothing about literature. We fall under her charm and we can see why her characters talk the way they do: with persuasion and magic, and in a natural and straightforward manner.
**Marie Lise Gazarian Gautier, ''Interviews with Latin American writers'' (1989)

*I really liked Isabelle Allende's ''House of the Spirits''...But I also think that their [her and Garcia Márquez's] sense of indigenous people and the land is very limited. It has been pointed out that Allende uses this sort of mythos, the Indian people, as part of the novel, but they don't really appear in her work as people, as full beings.
**[[Linda Hogan (writer)]] interview with ''Missouri Review'' (1992)

== External links ==
{{sister projects}}
{{Commons category}}
*[https://www.isabelallende.com/ Personal website]

{{DEFAULTSORT:Allende, Isabel}}
[[Category:Novelists from Chile]]
[[Category:Memoirists]]
[[Category:Feminists]]
[[Category:Women authors from Chile]]
[[Category:1942 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Magic realism authors]]
[[Category:Satirists from Chile]]
[[Category:Agnostics]]
[[Category:People from Lima]]
[[Category:Presidential Medal of Freedom recipients]]
[[Category:Immigrants to the United States]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Ford v Ferrari</title>
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'''''[[w:Ford v Ferrari|Ford v Ferrari]]''''' is a [[w:2019 in film|2019]] [[w:Drama (film and television)|drama film]] about an American car designer and a driver who battle corporate interference and the laws of physics to build a revolutionary race car for Ford in order to defeat Ferrari at the [[w:1966 24 Hours of Le Mans|1966 24 Hours of Le Mans]].
:''Directed by [[w:James Mangold|James Mangold]]. Written by [[w:Jez Butterworth|Jez Butterworth]], [[w:John-Henry Butterworth|John-Henry Butterworth]], and [[w:Jason Keller (playwright)|Jason Keller]].''
{{center/s}}'''They took the American dream for a ride.'''[[#Taglines|taglines]]{{center/e}}

[[File:Cobra insignia.jpg|thumb|There's a point at 7,000 RPM... where everything fades. The machine becomes weightless. Just disappears. And all that's left is a body moving through space and time. 7,000 RPM. That's where you meet it. You feel it coming. It creeps up on you, close in your ear. Asks you a question. The only question that matters. Who are you? ~ Carroll Shelby]]
[[File:Ferrari California (17271659202).jpg|thumb|My integrity as a constructor, as a man, as an Italian, is deeply insulted by your proposal. Go back to Michigan. Back to your big, ugly factory. Back to your big, ugly factory, making its ugly, little cars. Tell your pigheaded boss that all his smug executives are worthless sons of whores. Tell him he's not Henry Ford. He's Henry Ford II. ~ Enzo Ferrari]]
[[File:1968-05-05 Targa Florio Ford GT40 Drury Sanger.jpg|thumb|I want the best engineers. The best drivers. I don't care what it costs. We're gonna build a race car... And we're gonna bury that goddamn greasy wop 100 feet deep under the finish line at Le Mans. And I will be there to watch it. ~ Henry Ford II]]

== Carroll Shelby ==
*''[narration]'' There's a point at 7,000 RPM... where everything fades. The machine becomes weightless. Just disappears. And all that's left is a body moving through space and time. 7,000 RPM. That's where you meet it. You feel it coming. It creeps up on you, close in your ear. Asks you a question. The only question that matters. Who are you?

* We're lighter, we're faster, and if that don't work, we're nastier.

*''[Shelby's speech at the Ford Mustang's debut event]'' Thank you. Well, if my daddy was here today, he'd tell me to sit on down and leave the yakking to the college boys so, like my cars, I'll make this fast. When I was 10 years old, Pops said to me, 'Son, it's a truly lucky man who knows what he wants to do in this world. 'Cause that man will never work a day in his life.' But there are a few, a precious few, and, hell, I don't know if they're lucky or not. But there are a few people who find something they have to do. Something obsesses 'em. Something that if they can't do it, it's gonna drive them clean out of their mind. I'm that guy. And I know one other man feels exactly the same. His name... His name is Henry Ford. And together, we're gonna build the fastest automobiles in the world. And we're gonna make history too, at Le Mans. My name is Carroll Shelby. I build race cars.

*''[after seeing Enzo Ferrari arguing with his pit crew]'' I don't speak Italian, but he ain't happy.

*''[Demanding with Leo Beebe while finding out the results of the Le Mans race]'' Where's the tie?! Where's the goddamn tie?!

== Ken Miles ==
* So, you think that Ford are going to let you build the car that you want, the way you want it? Ford. Motor. Company. Those guys. Have you ever been to Detroit? I mean, they have floors and floors of lawyers. And millions of marketing guys. And they're all gonna want to meet you; oh, they're gonna want to get their photo taken with the great Carroll Shelby. And they're all gonna kiss your ass, and they're gonna go back to their lovely offices, and then work out new ways to screw you. Why? Because they can't help it. Because they just want to please their boss who wants to please his boss who wants to please his boss. And they hate themselves for it. But deep down, who they hate even more are guys like you. Because you're not like them, because you don't think like them, because you're different.

* ''[after test-driving the GT40]'' This car wants to go faster, I can feel it.

*''[test-driving the GT40 with the new engine &quot;The Beast&quot;]'' OHH! Giddy-up, giddy-up!

*''[being surprisingly calm and consoling to Shelby after the results of the Le Mans race, which Miles is in 2nd place]'' You promised me the drive, not the win.

== Dialogue ==
:''[Henry Ford II enters the assembly plant.]''
:'''Henry Ford II''': Shut it down, Mr. Beebe
:''[Leo Beebe turns around and faces the head engineer.]''
:'''Leo Beebe''': John!
:''[The head engineer nods and shuts down the assembly line.]''
:'''Henry Ford II''': Hear that? That's the sound of the Ford Motor Company out of business.
:''[Henry II walks around the plant.]''
:'''Henry Ford II''': In 1899, my grandfather, Henry &quot;By God&quot; Ford, was walking home from Edison Illumination after working a double shift. He was ruminating. That morning, he had himself an idea that changed the world. Sixty-five years, and 47 million automobiles later, what shall be his legacy? Getting it in the tail pipe from a Chevy Impala!
:''[Some of the workers chuckle.]''
:'''Henry Ford II''': Here's what I want you to do. Walk home.
:''[The workers suddenly go silent.]''
:'''Henry Ford II''': While you're walking, I want you to ruminate. Man comes to my office with an idea, that man keeps his job. Rest of you, second-best losers... stay home. You don't belong at Ford.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[During the Ford-Ferrari negotiations in Italy, Enzo Ferrari receives a message from Fiat. He begins to ask Lee Iacocca questions in Italian while Gary, Iacocca's translator, translates Ferrari's words in English.]''
:'''Gary''': 'Only one small question. It concerns my race program. If I wish to race Le Mans, and you do not wish for me to race Le Mans... do we or do we not go?'
:'''Lee Iacocca''': Look, in that highly unlikely scenario... if, uh, we just can't agree... then, yes. I mean, no. You are correct. You do not go.
:''[Ferrari's translator explains, but he stops her. He then displays his anger towards Iacocca.]''
:'''Gary''': 'My integrity as a constructor, as a man, as an Italian, is deeply insulted by your proposal.'
:''[Ferrari gets up and puts on his jacket.]''
:'''Gary''': 'Go back to Michigan. Back to your big, ugly factory. Back to your big, ugly factory, making its ugly, little cars.'
:''[Ferrari approaches Iacocca]''
:'''Gary''': 'Tell your pigheaded boss that all his, uh, smug executives are worthless sons of whores.'
:'''Enzo Ferrari''': ''[in English]'' Tell him he's not Henry Ford. He's Henry Ford II.
:''[Ferrari turns towards his associates]''
:'''Enzo Ferrari''': ''[in Italian]'' I'm starving. Let's go eat.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Lee Iacocca''': James Bond does not drive a Ford, sir.
:'''Henry Ford II''': That's because he's a degenerate.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Henry II reads the newspaper headline of Fiat buying Ferrari before dropping the paper and picking up his glass to pour a drink.]''
:'''Leo Beebe''': He played us. Old Man Enzo had no intention of selling to us. He used us to up his price, embarrass our company and insult your leadership. It was a bad idea from the start.
:''[Henry II approaches the executives that went to Italy]''
:'''Henry Ford II''': What exactly did he say?
:''[Henry II takes a sip.]''
:'''Lee Iacocca''': He said Ford makes ugly little cars, and we make 'em... in an ugly factory. He said our executives are sons of whores.
:''[Henry II approaches Iacocca]''
:'''Henry Ford II''': About me.
:'''Lee Iacocca''': He called you fat, sir. Pigheaded.
:'''Henry Ford II''': Go on.
:'''Lee Iacocca''': He said you're not Henry Ford. You're Henry Ford II.
:''[Henry II stares at Iacocca before walking back to his desk.]
:'''Henry Ford II''': I want the best engineers. The best drivers. I don't care what it costs. We're gonna build a race car...
:''[Henry II puts down his glass]''
:'''Henry Ford II''': And we're gonna bury that goddamn greasy wop 100 feet deep under the finish line at Le Mans. And I will be there to watch it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Ken Miles and his son Peter attend the Ford Mustang launch event and see a Mustang on display.]''
:'''Peter Miles''': Whoa. Dad, look at that. Hah. The Ford Mustang. What do you think?
:''[Ken looks around the Mustang.]''
:'''Ken Miles''': I think it's a secretary's car.
:'''Peter Miles''': I like it.
:''[Peter opens the passenger door to take a look at the interior. Leo Beebe notices this.]''
:'''Leo Beebe''': Oh. Excu... Excuse me. Would you, would you not do that?
:'''Peter Miles''': Oh. Sorry.
:''[Peter closes the door while Ken looks at Beebe.]''
:'''Leo Beebe''': Oh, er, is this, is this your son?
:'''Ken Miles''': Yes, it is.
:'''Leo Beebe''': Would you ask him to keep his hands off the paintwork?
:''[Peter takes his hand off the roof.]''
:'''Ken Miles''': No, no, no, Peter, You're okay.
:''[Ken looks at Beebe]''
:'''Ken Miles''': Who are you?
:'''Leo Beebe''': Leo Beebe, Senior Executive Vice President, Ford Motor Company.
:'''Ken Miles''': Ah.
:'''Leo Beebe''': I'm responsible for the launch of the Mustang.
:'''Ken Miles''': Ah! At least now we know who's responsible. Don't get me wrong, Lenny.
:'''Leo Beebe''': Leo.
:'''Ken Miles''': It looks fantastic. But inside, it's a lump of lard, dressed up to fool the public. My advice is, lose the inline-six and that idiotic three-speed, shorten the wheelbase, somehow lose half a ton, and lower the price.
:'''Peter Miles''': Dad.
:'''Ken Miles''': But even then, I'd still choose a Chevy Chevelle. And that's a fucking terrible car.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ken Miles''': You're gonna build a car to beat Ferrari with... a Ford.
:'''Carroll Shelby''': Correct.
:'''Ken Miles''': And how long did they tell you that they need it? Two, three hundred years?
:'''Carroll Shelby''': Ninety days.
:''[Ken laughs hysterically]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Carroll Shelby enters Henry Ford II's office while a secretary hands Henry II a red folder.]]''
:'''Carroll Shelby:''' Mr. Ford. Gentlemen.
:'''Henry Ford II:''' Shelby.
:''[Henry II signals for Shelby to move to the couch near him.]''
:'''Henry Ford II:''' Give me one reason why I don't fire everyone associated with this abomination starting with you.
:''[Leo Beebe picks up the folder.]''
:'''Carroll Shelby:''' Well, sir... I was thinking about that very question as I sat out there in your lovely waiting room.
:''[Shelby sits down.]''
:'''Carroll Shelby:''' As I was sitting there... I watched that little red folder right there go through four pairs of hands... before it got to you. 'Course that doesn't include the 22 or so other Ford employees who probably poked at it before it made its way up to the 19th floor. All due respect, sir, you can't win a race by committee. You need one man in charge. Now, the good news, as I see it, is that even with all the extra weight, we still manage to put old Mr. Ferrari exactly where we want him.
:'''Henry Ford II:''' Did we?
:'''Carroll Shelby:''' Oh, yes.
:'''Henry Ford II:''' Expand.
:'''Carroll Shelby:''' Well... sure, we hadn't... We haven't worked out how to corner yet. Or stay cool. Or stay on the ground. And a lot of stuff broke. In fact, the only thing that didn't break was the brakes. Hell, right now, we don't even know if our paint job will last the whole 24 hours.
:''[Pause.]''
:'''Carroll Shelby:''' But our last lap... we clocked 218 miles an hour down the Mulsanne Straight. Now, in all his years of racing... old Enzo ain't never seen anything move that fast. And now he knows, without a doubt, we're faster than he is. Even with the wrong driver... and all the committees. And that's what he's thinking about while he's sitting in Modena, Italy, right now. That man is scared to death... that this year, you actually might be smart enough to start trusting me. So, yeah. I say you got Ferrari exactly where you want him. You're welcome.
:''[Henry II looks at Shelby. He then gets up and grabs the folder from Beebe before walking towards the office windows.]''
:'''Henry Ford II:''' Come here.
:''[Shelby approaches Henry II.]''
:'''Henry Ford II:''' See that little building down there? In [[World War II]], three out of five U.S. bombers rolled off that line. You think Roosevelt beat Hitler? Think again. This isn't the first time Ford Motor's gone to war in Europe. We know how to do more than push paper. And there is one man running this company. You report to him. You understand me?
:'''Carroll Shelby:''' Yes, sir.
:'''Henry Ford II:''' Go ahead, Carroll. Go to war.
:'''Carroll Shelby:''' Thank you, sir.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Carroll Shelby''': ''[about to take Ford on a drive in the GT40]'' You ready?
:'''Henry Ford II''': The name on the middle of that steering wheel should tell you that I was born ready, Shelby. Hit it.
:'''Carroll Shelby''': Attaboy.
:''[Shelby proceeds to drive the GT40 with a fast acceleration]''
:'''Henry Ford II''': Woah! It's got a little...kick. Doesn't it?
:''[Shelby continues to accelerate and drive the GT40 faster and faster through the course]''
:'''Henry Ford II''': Woah! Oh my God...oh my God! ''[Shelby accelerates faster]'' Yeahhhh, baby!
:''[Shelby weaves faster around cones, then finally spins to a stop. Ford frantically pants then starts openly crying]''
:'''Carroll Shelby''': ...Mr. Ford...you okay? Mr. Ford, you alright?
:'''Henry Ford II''': ''[through sobs]'' I had no idea...I had no idea. I wish [[w:Edsel Ford|my daddy]]...he were alive to see this...to feel this.
:'''Carroll Shelby''': Now, this is not a machine just anybody can get in and easily control.
:'''Henry Ford II''': ''[still gently sobbing]'' Absolutely not. I had no idea. 
:'''Carroll Shelby''': Now, you wanna win Le Mans, if you really wanna take first place, Ken Miles is the man to do it. ''[Ford finally calms down]'' Now he knows this car, because he helped me build it. 
:'''Henry Ford II''': Shelby, you know I've already appointed Leo Beebe Director of Racing.
:'''Carroll Shelby''': Which is exactly why I'm talking to you. Now, you let Ken Miles race at [[w:24 Hours of Daytona|Daytona]]. If he wins, he gets to drive Le Mans.
:'''Henry Ford II''': And if he doesn't?
:'''Carroll Shelby''': Ford Motor Company gets full ownership of Shelby American. Lock, stock, and brand...forever.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Phil Remington notices Carroll Shelby using a stopwatch, which he stole from the Ferrari pit.]''
:'''Phil Remington''': Nice stopwatch.
:''[Shelby pulls out another one.]''
:'''Carroll Shelby''': Want one? They're Italian.

== Taglines ==
* They took the American dream for a ride.

* Based on the incredible true story.

== Cast ==
{{col-begin}}
{{col-3}}
* [[w:Matt Damon|Matt Damon]] – [[w:Carroll Shelby|Carroll Shelby]]
* [[Christian Bale]] – [[w:Ken Miles|Ken Miles]]
* [[w:Jon Bernthal|Jon Bernthal]] – [[w:Lee Iacocca|Lee Iacocca]]
* [[w:Caitriona Balfe|Caitriona Balfe]] – Mollie Miles
* [[w:Tracy Letts|Tracy Letts]] – [[w:Henry Ford II|Henry Ford II]]
* [[w:Josh Lucas|Josh Lucas]] – Leo Beebe
* [[w:Noah Jupe|Noah Jupe]] – Peter Miles
* [[w:Remo Girone|Remo Girone]] – [[w:Enzo Ferrari|Enzo Ferrari]]
{{col-3}}
* [[w:Ray McKinnon (actor)|Ray McKinnon]] – [[w:Phil Remington|Phil Remington]]
* [[w:JJ Feild|JJ Feild]] – [[w:Roy Lunn|Roy Lunn]]
* [[w:Jack McMullen|Jack McMullen]] – Charlie Agapiou
* [[w:Corrado Invernizzi|Corrado Invernizzi]] – Franco Gozzi
* [[w:Tanner Foust|Tanner Foust]] – [[w:Ronnie Bucknum|Ronnie Bucknum]]
* Brent Pontin – [[w:Chris Amon|Chris Amon]]
* [[w:Benjamin Rigby|Benjamin Rigby]] – [[w:Bruce McLaren|Bruce McLaren]]
* Francesco Bauco – [[w:Lorenzo Bandini|Lorenzo Bandini]]
{{col-3}}
* Joe Williamson – [[w:Donald N. Frey|Donald N. Frey]]
* [[w:Ian Harding|Ian Harding]] – Ford Executive - Ian
* Christopher Darga – [[w:John Holman (NASCAR owner)|John Holman]]
* [[w:Jonathan LaPaglia|Jonathan LaPaglia]] – Eddie 
* [[w:Ben Collins (racing driver)|Ben Collins]] – [[w:Denny Hulme|Denny Hulme]]
* [[w:Alex Gurney|Alex Gurney]] – [[w:Dan Gurney|Dan Gurney]]
* Marisa Petroro – [[w:Cristina Ford|Cristina Ford]]
* [[w:Giovanni Cirfiera|Giovanni Cirfiera]] – [[w:Gianni Agnelli|Gianni Agnelli]]
{{col-end}}

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|id=1950186|title=Ford v Ferrari}}

{{authority control}}

[[Category:2019 American films]]
[[Category:Auto racing films]]
[[Category:Biographical films]]
[[Category:Drama films]]
[[Category:Films based on true stories]]
[[Category:Films directed by James Mangold]]
[[Category:Business films]]
[[Category:Films set in the 1960s]]</text>
      <sha1>b2cpcz94d7k74hrqpn9pawapeh9bngb</sha1>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Bronisław Malinowski</title>
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        <username>Ich</username>
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      <text bytes="2341" sha1="67ny2tzfkgzcc7qfebb4ty0eo0iawnl" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Bronislawmalinowski.jpg|thumb|Bronislaw Malinowski, c1930]]

'''[[w:Bronisław Malinowski|Bronisław Kasper Malinowski]]''' (7 April 1884 – 16 May 1942) was an anthropologist whose writings on ethnography, social theory, and field research were a lasting influence on the discipline of anthropology
{{Scientist-stub}}
== Quotes ==
* Ethnology or Anthropology, the science of Man, must not shun him in his innermost self, in his instinctive and emotional life.
** ''Argonauts of the Western Pacific'' (1922)
* Yet I remember talking to an old cannibal who from missionary and administrator had heard news of the Great War raging then in Europe. What he was most curious to know was how we Europeans managed to eat such enormous quantities of human flesh, as the casualties of a battle seemed to imply. When I told him indignantly that Europeans do not eat their slain foes, he looked at me with real horror and asked me what sort of barbarians we were to kill without any real object. In such incidents as these the anthropologist learns to appreciate that Socratic wisdom can be best reached by sympathetic insight into the lives and viewpoints of others.
** [https://archive.org/details/in.ernet.dli.2015.77152/page/n5/mode/2up ''Anthropology is the science of the sense of humour'']. An introduction to Julius Lips' ''The savage hits back, or the white man through native eyes'' (1937)

== Quotes about Malinkowski ==
* Although hardly of central importance, the biographies of [[Franz Boas|Boas]] and Malinowski may shed a little light on their unorthodox approaches to cultural variation. As indicated above, both men spent most of their adult life abroad; the German Boas in the USA, the Pole Malinowski in England. One may wonder if the uprootedness and alienation they must have felt, both in relation to their native countries and towards their adopted ones, could not have been a valuable resource when they set out to develop their new science.
** [[Thomas Hylland Eriksen]], ''What is Anthropology?'' (2nd ed., 2017), Ch. 1 : Why Anthropology?
== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Malinowski, Bronislaw}}
[[Category:Academics from Poland]]
[[Category:Anthropologists from Poland]]
[[Category:Immigrants to the United States]]
[[Category:1884 births]]
[[Category:1942 deaths]]
[[Category:People from Kraków]]</text>
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    <title>Snoopy's Getting Married, Charlie Brown</title>
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        <username>Hhrlan23</username>
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      <text bytes="1133" sha1="kzru5umki6ss6zms20plllspzlv7cy5" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''{{w|Snoopy's Getting Married, Charlie Brown}}''''' is the 28th prime-time animated TV special based upon the popular comic strip Peanuts, by Charles M. Schulz. It was originally aired on the CBS network on March 20, 1985.

==Dialogue==
:'''Linus''': I wonder where [Snoopy and his wife] will live?
:'''Charlie Brown''': What do you mean?
:'''Linus''': Maybe they'll move away to live in another town.
:'''Charlie Brown''': MOVE AWAY?!!?
:''[Woodstock bursts into tears]''
:'''Linus''': But then again, maybe they'll all move in with you.
:''[Sally bursts into tears]''

==Cast==
* Brett Johnson: Charlie Brown
* Jeremy Schoenberg: Linus van Pelt
* Stacy Ferguson: Sally Brown and Violet Gray
** Dawnn D. Leary as Sally's singing voice
* Heather Stoneman: Lucy van Pelt
* Gini Holtzman: Peppermint Patty
* Keri Houlihan: Marcie
* Danny Colby: Schroeder
* Bill Melendez: Snoopy, Woodstock, and Spike

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|0174220}}
[[Category:1985 animated films]]
[[Category:American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Comedy films]]
[[Category:Peanuts TV specials]]
[[Category:CBS shows]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Ben &amp; Holly's Little Kingdom</title>
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      <comment>Undid revision [[Special:Diff/3942171|3942171]] by [[Special:Contributions/~2026-29669-14|~2026-29669-14]] ([[User talk:~2026-29669-14|talk]]) Wrong, it's &quot;I'm,&quot; not &quot;l am&quot;. Why did you change this, ~2026-29669-14? It says it from the Ben &amp; Holly's Little Kingdom Wiki!</comment>
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'''''[[w:Ben &amp; Holly's Little Kingdom|Ben &amp; Holly's Little Kingdom]]'''''(2009–2013) is a British animated children's television series aimed at children originally broadcast on Nickelodeon UK.
For the current series that aired on [[w:5 (British TV channel)|5]], see ''[[Peppa Pig]]''.

==Opening==
:'''Narrator''': Somewhere, hidden amongst thorny brambles is a Little Kingdom of elves and fairies. Everyone who lives here is very, very small.
:'''Ben''': I'm Ben Elf.
:'''Holly''': And I'm Princess Holly. Come on, let's play!
:'''Ben''': Wait for us!
:'''Narrator''': [[w:Ben &amp; Holly's Little Kingdom|Ben &amp; Holly's Little Kingdom]].

==Season 1 (2008-2011)==
===''Holly's Magic Wand''===
:'''Holly''': I'm sure I left my wand here. It's gone! ''[Holly is crying.]''
:'''Ben''': Hi, Holly.
:'''Holly''': Hi, Ben.
:'''Ben''': What's wrong?
:'''Holly''': I've lost my wand. I can't do magic anymore.
:'''Ben''': Maybe that's a good thing.
:'''Holly''': It's not funny! I'm never going to find my wand and I'll be sad forever. ''[She cries again.]''
:'''Ben''': Cheer up, Holly. I will find your wand.
:'''Holly''': How?
:'''Ben''': Elves are very good at finding things, and I'm an elf. ''[blows trumpet]''
:'''Holly''': Thanks, Ben.

===''Elf Joke Day''=== 
:'''Holly''': Hi, Ben.
:'''Ben''': Hi, Holly. I've got a new toy.
:'''Holly''': What is it?
:'''Ben''': It's a telescope. You can see things that are really far away.
:'''Holly''': Wow! Can I have a go?
:'''Ben''': ''[hands the telescope to Holly]'' Okay.
:'''Holly''': ''[holds the telescope to her eye]'' I can't see anything.
:'''Ben''': Try twisting it a bit.
:'''Holly''': ''[twists the telescope a bit]'' It still doesn't work. ''[she puts the telescope off her eye, revealing a black ring around it]''
:''[Ben starts laughing.]''
:'''Holly''': Why are you laughing, Ben?
:'''Ben''': It's a joke telescope! It gives you a black ring around your eye that makes you look really silly! Look! ''[grabs a spyglass to make Holly look at it]''
:'''Holly''': Ah! Why did you do that?
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Wise Old Elf''': ''[opening the door]'' Let's go and join in the fun! 
:'''Nanny Plum''': ''[screaming while breaking the toy mouse]'' Help! 
:'''Wise Old Elf''': ''[entering with Ben and Holly]'' Ho-ho-ho. Happy Elf Joke Day! 
:'''Nanny Plum''': That was not funny, Wise Old Elf.

===''Morning, Noon, and Night''===
:''[rooster crows]''
:'''Nanny Plum''': That's the cockerel crow, Princess Holly! Time for fairies to get up!

===''Betty Caterpillar''===
:'''Holly''': Look, Betty Caterpillar is sad.
:''[Betty starts crying.]''
:'''Ben''': I think she feels a bit left out. ''[Gaston the Ladybird and Bobby the Bee are having fun flying. Betty is crying again.]'' I know how to cheer her up.
:'''Holly''': Oh, good. Go on then, Ben.
:'''Ben''': Don't be sad, Betty. Flying isn't everything. Elve's can't fly, and I'm an elf. ''[blows trumpet]''
:''[Betty cries again.]''
:'''Holly''': That didn't cheer her up much. ''[Betty cries once again.]'' Maybe I can make her fly by magic.
:'''Ben''': Can you do that?
:'''Holly''': Um, I think so.

===''Picnic on the Moon''===
:'''Narrator''': (''o.s.'') Today's adventure starts... In Outer Space!
:''[The scene pans up to the moon, the title Picnic on the Moon appears.]''
:'''Ben and Holly''': (''o.s.'') Picnic on the Moon!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Nanny Plum''': That's the last straw. No water in the sea. And we can't eat food. What kind of picnic is this?
:'''Mr. Elf''': ''[shouting]'' &lt;big&gt;'''''IT'S NOT A PICNIC!!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Nanny Plum''': Ok, let's go home.

==Season 2 (2011-2014)==
===''Gaston to the Rescue''===
:'''King Thistle:''' Ewww, who let this smelly ladybird in the house?!

:'''Queen Thistle:''' ''[screaming loudly]''
:'''King Thistle''': HOLLY!!!!
:'''Holly''': Yes, Daddy?
:'''King Thistle''': Please keep Gaston under control.
:'''Holly''': Sorry, Daddy.
:'''King Thistle''': We live in the castle, Gaston lives outside.
:''[Gaston is whining.]''
:'''Ben''': Never mind, Gaston. Let's all go to the great elf tree instead.
:'''Mr. Elf''': Mrs. Elf, that blueberry pie smells delicious.
:'''Mrs. Elf''': Yes, Mr. Elf. The secret is to cook it very slowly over 3 days.
:'''Ben''': Hello Mum!
:'''Holly''': Hello!
:'''Mrs. Elf''': Hello Ben, Hello Holly!
:'''Mr. Elf''': Ah, Can't he shake himself outside?
:'''Mrs. Elf''': That pie is not for you, Gaston! Now Ben, Gaston should live outside, we live inside.
:'''Ben''': Okay, Mum.
:'''Mr. Elf''': AGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!! Where's the pie gone?!
:'''Mrs. Elf''': Gaston's eating it!
:'''Holly''': We don't know it was Gaston.
:'''Ben''': It could have been someone else.
:'''Mrs. Elf''': He's the only one with pie on his face!
:'''Mr. Elf''': &lt;big&gt; ''[crossly]'' Out Gaston, I never want to see you again.&lt;/big&gt;
:''[Gaston is whining.]''
:'''Ben''': Sorry, Gaston.
:'''Holly''': You'd better go home.
:'''Mrs. Elf''': Go on, Gaston! Off you go!
:'''Queen Thistle''': Bedtime, Holly! ''[Holly sighs]'' Are you all right, darling?
:'''Holly''': I'm a bit sad. Gaston isn't allowed in our houses anymore. ''[Gaston is howling.]'' Gaston! Oh, Gaston is all wet and cold.
:'''King Thistle''': Gaston, go and make that rucket somewhere else!
:'''Holly''': Poor Gaston. ''[rooster crowing]'' Gaston!

===''Nanny's Magic Test''===
:'''Wise Old Elf''': I'm taking away your wand!
:'''Nanny Plum''': You can't do that!
:'''Wise Old Elf''': I just did.
:'''Nanny Plum''': It's an outrage! The king will be very angry!
:''[cut to the Little Castle]''
:'''King Thistle''': ''[laughing out loud]''
:'''Nanny Plum''': It's not funny!
:'''King Thistle''': You're right, it's not funny. ''[keeps laughing]''
:'''Wise Old Elf''': Nanny does not have a license, she must not do magic!
:'''King Thistle''': Yes, yes, Wise Old Elf. But maybe we can overlook it just this once as it's Nanny?

===''Dolly Plum''===
:'''Nanny Plum''': That's better.
:''[Daisy and Poppy are crying again.]''
:'''Holly''': Now the twins are crying again.

===''Daisy and Poppy Go Bananas''===
:'''Queen and King Thistle''': ''[screaming]''
:'''King Thistle''': What on Earth is going on?!
:'''Queen Thistle''': It's an indoor thunderstorm!
:'''King Thistle''': I wonder if they had something to do with Granny.
:''[rooster crows]''

===''Gaston's Birthday''===
:'''King Thistle''': ''[sighing happily]'' I do like a nice relaxing bath. It's good to get away from all that talk about birthdays. 
:''[King Thistle hears splashing sounds.]''
:'''Redbeard the Elf Pirate''': Happy Birthday, your majesty! ''[he blows a party horn]''
:'''King Thistle''': ''[screaming loudly]'' Get out of my bath, and it's not my birthday!
:'''Redbeard the Elf Pirate''': I know, this is a dry run.
:'''King Thistle''': Now see here, I don't want any birthday stuff.
:'''Redbeard the Elf Pirate''': ''[sighs]'' That's what you say every year. 
:'''King Thistle''': Look, I don't want a cake, I don't want a song, and I don't want a pirate in my bath!
:'''Redbeard the Elf Pirate''': So, you really don't want a party? 
:'''King Thistle''': No, I don't want a party, not this year, not next year, and not at any year. Never, no more parties!

===''The Mermaid''===
:''[Holly, Ben, Nanny Plum, Gaston and Mr. Elf heard a distant crying noise.]''
:'''Holly''': Listen, somebody's crying!
:''[It was Oceana, the mermaid, who lost her mirror, and is crying.]''
:'''Holly''': It's a girl! Hello, what are you doing in The Lake?
:'''Oceana''': I live here.
:'''Holly''': You live in The Lake?
:'''Oceana''': Yes. I'm a mermaid. ''[dives to the sea and floats back up]'' My name is Oceana.
:'''Holly''': Why were you crying?
:'''Oceana''': l've lost my mirror.
:'''Holly''': That must be the mirror Lucy found.
:'''Oceana''': And where is this Lucy?
:'''Holly''': She's a big girl, so she'll be on her way to school.

===''Ben &amp; Holly's Christmas''===
====Episode 1====
:'''Wise Old Elf''': Hello. We've come to see the Christmas trees.
:'''Father Christmas''': Ho ho ho!
:'''Man''': Hello, Father Christmas. I like the outfit. What fashion is it exactly?
:'''Father Christmas''': Uh, It's meant to be a disguise.
:'''Holly''': So many lovely Christmas trees.
:'''Woman''': Yes, pine elves are very good at growing Christmas trees.
:'''All''': And we're pine elves!
====Episode 2====
:'''King Thistle''': ''[gasps indignantly]'' ''[crossly]'' Oof, let me out….!

==Cast==
*Preston Nyman - Ben
*Sian Taylor - Holly
*Taig McNab - Gaston

==External links==
*{{imdb title|1436544|Ben &amp; Holly's Little Kingdom}}
{{wikipedia}}
[[Category:2000s UK animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2010s UK animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about children]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:Nick Jr. shows]]
[[Category:Flash animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Treehouse TV shows]]
[[Category:UK children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:UK children's animated fantasy TV shows]]
[[Category:UK preschool education TV shows]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Tweenies</title>
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      <text bytes="8096" sha1="ha82wfol3y02btayd6cllaydw915qgm" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Tweenies|Tweenies]]''''' is a British live action puppet children's television series created by Will Brenton and Iain Lauchlan and produced by Tell-Tale Productions for the BBC. The programme was focused on four preschool-aged characters, known as the &quot;Tweenies&quot;; Jake, Fizz, Milo &amp; Bella, whilst playing, singing, dancing and learning in a fictional playgroup in England. They are cared for by two adult Tweenies; Judy &amp; Max and his dog; Doodles, and later another dog, Izzles who belongs to Judy.

==Series 1 (1999-2000)==

===Colours [1.18]===
:'''Judy:''' Hey, that was great! Can I try now?
:'''Doodles:''' Uh-oh...

==Series 2 (2000-2001)==

===A Walk in the Country [2.32]===
:'''Max''': ''[singing]'' There is so much to see in the country, there is. Oh, so much more than the town, there are fields, there are trees, there.

==Series 3 (2001-2002)==

===Clock Shock [3.115]===
''[Title picture is shown depicting Max trying to figure out how to repair the Tweenie Clock by reading its instruction manual]''

:'''Max''' (offscreen): Clock Shock!

''[Title picture fades out in a circular animation, Max is then seen next to the Tweenie Clock, he presses it and it springs into life]''

:'''Max''': Tweenie Clock, where will it stop?

''[The Tweenie Clock sequence then plays,  however, it incorrectly stops at Messy Time, The Tweenies are then shown all confused]''

:'''Tweenies''' (confused): Messy Time?!

:'''Jake''': Hang on, that's not right, is it?

:'''Bella''': No, it can't be Messy Time yet.

:'''Fizz''': But we always have Song Time first.

:'''Milo''': Yeah, yeah, yeah! Try it again, Max.

:'''Jake''': Yeah.

''[Max is then shown, again next to the Tweenie Clock]''

:'''Max''': Oh, OK, Milo! Alright.

''[He then presses the Tweenie Clock again and it springs into life again]''

:'''Max''': Tweenie Clock, where will it stop?

''[The Tweenie Clock sequence then plays, this time, it correctly stops at Song Time]''

:'''Tweenies''': Song Time!

''[The rock rendition of Hickory Dickory Dock then plays]''

:'''Bella''': It's Hickory Dickory Dock!

:'''Jake''': Let's sing!

:'''Milo''': Yay!

:'''Tweenies''' (singing): Hickory dickory dock, The mouse ran up the clock, The clock struck one ('''Bella''': Bong!), The mouse ran down ('''Fizz''': Whee!), Hickory dickory dock.

:'''Milo''': Yay! Come on, let's sing it again!

:'''Jake''': Yeah, you're joining too!

:'''Bella''': And do the actions with us. Ready?

:'''Fizz''': Yeah!

:'''Milo''': Yay!

:'''Tweenies''' (singing): Hickory dickory dock, The mouse ran up the clock, The clock struck one ('''Bella''': Bong!), The mouse ran down ('''Fizz''': Whee!), Hickory dickory dock.

''[The music then stops]''

:'''Jake''': Come on, let's do it again!

:'''Milo''': Yay!

''[Just as the Tweenies about to sing the third time however, the Tweenie Clock strangely presses itself, the Tweenies are taken by surprise and confused, the Tweenie Clock is then shown with no-one next to it, having sprung to life on its own]''

:'''Bella''': Who pressed the clock?

''[The Tweenies are then shown, still confused]''

:'''Fizz''': Max, I suppose.

:'''Milo''': Uhhh

''[The usual Tweenie Clock sequence plays, it stops at Story Time]''

:'''Tweenies''': Story Time!

''[The Story Time animation and jingle then plays, the Tweenies are shown looking for Max]''

:'''Fizz''': Oh! Where is Max then?

:'''Jake''': Maybe he's hiding from us.

:'''Milo''': Yeah, yeah! He's playing a trick on us.

:'''Tweenies''': Max? Max?

''[The Tweenie Clock then presses itself again, this time though, the tune goes from normal to low, realization dawns on the Tweenies, the Tweenie Clock is then shown, again with no-one next to it]''

:'''Fizz''':  The clock's doing it all by itself.

''[The Tweenies are shown, having figured out the situation]''

:'''Bella''': It dosen't sound right though.

''[The Tweenie Clock is then shown, the sequence is sped up]''

:'''Milo''': Strange-a-rooney!

:'''Jake''': Yeah!

''[On cue, the Tweenie Clock flashes all five lights, indicating Surprise Time]''

:'''Tweenies''' (confused):  Surprise Time?!

''[The Surprise Time animation and jingle then plays, although the jingle speeds up on the 8th note, Max then comes out of the curtain and automatically assumes some-one had deliberately pressed the clock two times]''

:'''Max''' (pissed): HEY! Who's messing about with the clock? You know it'll break if you keep pressing it.

''[The Tweenies then come up to Max and explain the situation to him]''

:'''Bella''': It's not us, Max.

:'''Max''': Eh?

:'''Fizz''': It keeps starting all by itself.

''[Max realizes what the Tweenies meant]''

:'''Max''': Oh!

:'''Jake''': What's wrong with it, Max?

''[Just as Milo is about to speak, the Tweenie Clock once again presses itself, the tune is completely sped up, the Tweenie Clock is  then shown, once again with no-one next to it, the speed is completely sped up]''

:'''Tweenies''': '''OH, NO!!!!!!'''

:'''Milo''': Tweenie Clock, it just won't stop!!!!

''[The Tweenie Clock is then shown, sparks immediately start coming out of it]''

:'''Jake''': I don't like it!

''[Jake then cowardly holds Max's arm, the Tweenie Clock is then shown with more sparks coming out of it, at this point however, the speed is at its peak, the Tweenies are shown bracing, the Tweenie Clock is then shown again, with the last sparks coming out of it, it then explodes]''

:'''Tweenies''': '''OH, NOOOO!!!!'''

:'''Milo''': COOL!!!!

:'''Jake''': Is it broked?

''[The Tweenie Clock is then shown with smoke coming out]''

:'''Max''':  I'm afraid so Jake, yeah. It must have, uh, yeah, it must have blown a fuse that's it, yes. (springs into action) Not a worry, I'll just get me tool kit. I'll have it fixed in no time. (reminding) Now stay away from it now won't you yes?

:'''Tweenies''': Yes, Max.

:'''Max''': Right!

:'''Judy''' (offscreen): I'm back!

:'''Tweenies''': JUDY!

''[Judy had come back from walking Doodles and Izzles, The Tweenies come up to Judy and explain the situation to her.]''

:'''Bella''': Judy, something awful happened.

:'''Judy''': Huh?

:'''Fizz''': The clock's broken, Judy.

:'''Judy''': Oh, no!

:'''Milo''': Yeah, it kept going off all by itself, and then it blew up.

:'''Judy''': Oh, nooo!

:'''Jake''': Max is going to get his toolkit, Judy.

:'''Judy''': Oh, noo!

''[Max then appears with his toolkit]''

:'''Max''': Hello, Judy.

:'''Judy''': Hello, Max.

:'''Max''': Heard about any excitement have you?

:'''Judy''': I have indeed, Max.

''[Doodles and Izzles had both obviously missed the Tweenie Clock explosion]''

:'''Doodles''': Well, seem like we missed all the fusses.

:'''Izzles''': Yeah, I'd like to see the clock blow up.

:'''Milo''': Wuuh, it was amazing Izzles, it went bing-a-ling-a-ling-ling-ling-ling-ling-baaaaang!

''[Izzles then barks]''

:'''Max''': Now, I'll just switch it off at the back (switches off the Tweenie Clock at the back) don't worry, I'll soon get this sorted out, should only take a few minutes.

:'''Judy''': Uhhh, few minutes is it? Uhh, I'm afraid it's going to take a bit longer than that.

:'''Fizz''': What should we do, Judy?

:'''Judy''': Uhhh. Tell you what, let's go make something, shall we, while we're waiting for Max.

==Voice cast==

* Sally Preisig/Emma Weaver as Bella (1999-2000; 2000-2002)
* [[w:Bob Golding|Bob Golding]] as Milo 
* Colleen Daley as Fizz
* [[w:Justin Fletcher|Justin Fletcher]] as Jake


==External links==
*{{wikipedia-inline|Tweenies|''Tweenies''}}

[[Category:Australian Broadcasting Corporation shows]]
[[Category:BBC shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:Musical TV shows]]
[[Category:Nick Jr. shows]]
[[Category:Noggin shows]]
[[Category:Television series on DVD]]
[[Category:Treehouse TV shows]]
[[Category:TV shows about children]]
[[Category:UK comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:UK preschool education TV shows]]
[[Category:UK sitcoms]]
[[Category:UK TV shows featuring puppetry]]
[[Category:UK TV shows]]
[[Category:UK TV shows featuring puppetry]]
[[Category:UK TV shows with live action and animation]]</text>
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      <text bytes="8092" sha1="mozucq9478dw0t8q33g6tjwuxxg40vp" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Tweenies|Tweenies]]''''' is a British live action puppet children's television series created by Will Brenton and Iain Lauchlan and produced by Tell-Tale Productions for the BBC. The programme was focused on four preschool-aged characters, known as the &quot;Tweenies&quot;; Jake, Fizz, Milo &amp; Bella, whilst playing, singing, dancing and learning in a fictional playgroup in England. They are cared for by two adult Tweenies; Judy &amp; Max and his dog; Doodles, and later another dog, Izzles who belongs to Judy.

==Series 1 (1999-2000)==

===Colours [1.18]===
:'''Judy:''' Hey, that was great! Can I try now?
:'''Doodles:''' Uh-oh...

==Series 2 (2000-2001)==

===A Walk in the Country [2.32]===
:'''Max''': (singing) There is so much to see in the country, there is. Oh, so much more than the town, there are fields, there are trees, there.

==Series 3 (2001-2002)==

===Clock Shock [3.115]===
''[Title picture is shown depicting Max trying to figure out how to repair the Tweenie Clock by reading its instruction manual]''

:'''Max''' (offscreen): Clock Shock!

''[Title picture fades out in a circular animation, Max is then seen next to the Tweenie Clock, he presses it and it springs into life]''

:'''Max''': Tweenie Clock, where will it stop?

''[The Tweenie Clock sequence then plays,  however, it incorrectly stops at Messy Time, The Tweenies are then shown all confused]''

:'''Tweenies''' (confused): Messy Time?!

:'''Jake''': Hang on, that's not right, is it?

:'''Bella''': No, it can't be Messy Time yet.

:'''Fizz''': But we always have Song Time first.

:'''Milo''': Yeah, yeah, yeah! Try it again, Max.

:'''Jake''': Yeah.

''[Max is then shown, again next to the Tweenie Clock]''

:'''Max''': Oh, OK, Milo! Alright.

''[He then presses the Tweenie Clock again and it springs into life again]''

:'''Max''': Tweenie Clock, where will it stop?

''[The Tweenie Clock sequence then plays, this time, it correctly stops at Song Time]''

:'''Tweenies''': Song Time!

''[The rock rendition of Hickory Dickory Dock then plays]''

:'''Bella''': It's Hickory Dickory Dock!

:'''Jake''': Let's sing!

:'''Milo''': Yay!

:'''Tweenies''' (singing): Hickory dickory dock, The mouse ran up the clock, The clock struck one ('''Bella''': Bong!), The mouse ran down ('''Fizz''': Whee!), Hickory dickory dock.

:'''Milo''': Yay! Come on, let's sing it again!

:'''Jake''': Yeah, you're joining too!

:'''Bella''': And do the actions with us. Ready?

:'''Fizz''': Yeah!

:'''Milo''': Yay!

:'''Tweenies''' (singing): Hickory dickory dock, The mouse ran up the clock, The clock struck one ('''Bella''': Bong!), The mouse ran down ('''Fizz''': Whee!), Hickory dickory dock.

''[The music then stops]''

:'''Jake''': Come on, let's do it again!

:'''Milo''': Yay!

''[Just as the Tweenies about to sing the third time however, the Tweenie Clock strangely presses itself, the Tweenies are taken by surprise and confused, the Tweenie Clock is then shown with no-one next to it, having sprung to life on its own]''

:'''Bella''': Who pressed the clock?

''[The Tweenies are then shown, still confused]''

:'''Fizz''': Max, I suppose.

:'''Milo''': Uhhh

''[The usual Tweenie Clock sequence plays, it stops at Story Time]''

:'''Tweenies''': Story Time!

''[The Story Time animation and jingle then plays, the Tweenies are shown looking for Max]''

:'''Fizz''': Oh! Where is Max then?

:'''Jake''': Maybe he's hiding from us.

:'''Milo''': Yeah, yeah! He's playing a trick on us.

:'''Tweenies''': Max? Max?

''[The Tweenie Clock then presses itself again, this time though, the tune goes from normal to low, realization dawns on the Tweenies, the Tweenie Clock is then shown, again with no-one next to it]''

:'''Fizz''':  The clock's doing it all by itself.

''[The Tweenies are shown, having figured out the situation]''

:'''Bella''': It dosen't sound right though.

''[The Tweenie Clock is then shown, the sequence is sped up]''

:'''Milo''': Strange-a-rooney!

:'''Jake''': Yeah!

''[On cue, the Tweenie Clock flashes all five lights, indicating Surprise Time]''

:'''Tweenies''' (confused):  Surprise Time?!

''[The Surprise Time animation and jingle then plays, although the jingle speeds up on the 8th note, Max then comes out of the curtain and automatically assumes some-one had deliberately pressed the clock two times]''

:'''Max''' (pissed): HEY! Who's messing about with the clock? You know it'll break if you keep pressing it.

''[The Tweenies then come up to Max and explain the situation to him]''

:'''Bella''': It's not us, Max.

:'''Max''': Eh?

:'''Fizz''': It keeps starting all by itself.

''[Max realizes what the Tweenies meant]''

:'''Max''': Oh!

:'''Jake''': What's wrong with it, Max?

''[Just as Milo is about to speak, the Tweenie Clock once again presses itself, the tune is completely sped up, the Tweenie Clock is  then shown, once again with no-one next to it, the speed is completely sped up]''

:'''Tweenies''': '''OH, NO!!!!!!'''

:'''Milo''': Tweenie Clock, it just won't stop!!!!

''[The Tweenie Clock is then shown, sparks immediately start coming out of it]''

:'''Jake''': I don't like it!

''[Jake then cowardly holds Max's arm, the Tweenie Clock is then shown with more sparks coming out of it, at this point however, the speed is at its peak, the Tweenies are shown bracing, the Tweenie Clock is then shown again, with the last sparks coming out of it, it then explodes]''

:'''Tweenies''': '''OH, NOOOO!!!!'''

:'''Milo''': COOL!!!!

:'''Jake''': Is it broked?

''[The Tweenie Clock is then shown with smoke coming out]''

:'''Max''':  I'm afraid so Jake, yeah. It must have, uh, yeah, it must have blown a fuse that's it, yes. (springs into action) Not a worry, I'll just get me tool kit. I'll have it fixed in no time. (reminding) Now stay away from it now won't you yes?

:'''Tweenies''': Yes, Max.

:'''Max''': Right!

:'''Judy''' (offscreen): I'm back!

:'''Tweenies''': JUDY!

''[Judy had come back from walking Doodles and Izzles, The Tweenies come up to Judy and explain the situation to her.]''

:'''Bella''': Judy, something awful happened.

:'''Judy''': Huh?

:'''Fizz''': The clock's broken, Judy.

:'''Judy''': Oh, no!

:'''Milo''': Yeah, it kept going off all by itself, and then it blew up.

:'''Judy''': Oh, nooo!

:'''Jake''': Max is going to get his toolkit, Judy.

:'''Judy''': Oh, noo!

''[Max then appears with his toolkit]''

:'''Max''': Hello, Judy.

:'''Judy''': Hello, Max.

:'''Max''': Heard about any excitement have you?

:'''Judy''': I have indeed, Max.

''[Doodles and Izzles had both obviously missed the Tweenie Clock explosion]''

:'''Doodles''': Well, seem like we missed all the fusses.

:'''Izzles''': Yeah, I'd like to see the clock blow up.

:'''Milo''': Wuuh, it was amazing Izzles, it went bing-a-ling-a-ling-ling-ling-ling-ling-baaaaang!

''[Izzles then barks]''

:'''Max''': Now, I'll just switch it off at the back (switches off the Tweenie Clock at the back) don't worry, I'll soon get this sorted out, should only take a few minutes.

:'''Judy''': Uhhh, few minutes is it? Uhh, I'm afraid it's going to take a bit longer than that.

:'''Fizz''': What should we do, Judy?

:'''Judy''': Uhhh. Tell you what, let's go make something, shall we, while we're waiting for Max.

==Voice cast==

* Sally Preisig/Emma Weaver as Bella (1999-2000; 2000-2002)
* [[w:Bob Golding|Bob Golding]] as Milo 
* Colleen Daley as Fizz
* [[w:Justin Fletcher|Justin Fletcher]] as Jake


==External links==
*{{wikipedia-inline|Tweenies|''Tweenies''}}

[[Category:Australian Broadcasting Corporation shows]]
[[Category:BBC shows]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:Musical TV shows]]
[[Category:Nick Jr. shows]]
[[Category:Noggin shows]]
[[Category:Television series on DVD]]
[[Category:Treehouse TV shows]]
[[Category:TV shows about children]]
[[Category:UK comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:UK preschool education TV shows]]
[[Category:UK sitcoms]]
[[Category:UK TV shows featuring puppetry]]
[[Category:UK TV shows]]
[[Category:UK TV shows featuring puppetry]]
[[Category:UK TV shows with live action and animation]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>NoViolet Bulawayo</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>242034</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3942503</id>
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      <timestamp>2026-05-18T19:46:50Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>−[[Category:Women from Zimbabwe]]; ±[[Category:Women authors]]→[[Category:Women authors from Zimbabwe]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]]</comment>
      <origin>3942503</origin>
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      <text bytes="5309" sha1="a8q2hoolt6v2swdf47jl97mmzsnr51k" xml:space="preserve">[[File:NoViolet Bulawayo at Melbourne, Australia.jpg|thumb|NoViolet Bulawayo (2019)]]

'''[[w:NoViolet Bulawayo|NoViolet Bulawayo]]''' is the pen name of Elizabeth Zandile Tshele (born 12 October 1981), a [[Zimbabwe|Zimbabwean]] [[author]] and Stegner Fellow at [[Stanford University]] (2012–14). Bulawayo was cited as one of the Top 100 most influential [[Africa|Africans]] by New African magazine in 2014.

== Quotes ==  
*“When things fall apart, the children of the land scurry and scatter like birds escaping a burning sky.”
=== [[w:en:We Need New Names|We Need New Names]] (2013)===
*&quot;I am starting to talk fast now, and I have to remember to slow down because when I get excited, I start to sound like myself and my American accent goes away.&quot;
*&quot;As for the coldness, I have never seen it like this. I mean, coldness that makes like it wants to kill you, like it's telling you, with its snow, that you should go back to where you came from.&quot;
*“The problem with English is this: You usually can't open your mouth and it comes out just like that--first you have to think what you want to say. Then you have to find the words. Then you have to carefully arrange those words in your head. Then you have to say the words quietly to yourself, to make sure you got them okay. And finally, the last step, which is to say the words out loud and have them sound just right.”
** From her book we need new names.
*“There are times, though, that no matter how much food I eat, I find the food does nothing for me, like I am hungry for my country and nothing is going to fix that.”
**From her book we need new names.
*“As for the coldness, I have never seen it like this. I mean, coldness that makes like it wants to kill you, like it's telling you, with its snow, that you should go back to where you came from.”
**From her book we need new names.
*“Further and further we go, and the sun keeps ironing us and ironing us and ironing us.”
*“Aunt Fostalina says when she first came to America she went to school during the day and worked nights at Eliot’s hotels, cleaning hotel rooms together with people from countries like Senegal, Cameroon, Tibet, the Philippines, Ethiopia, and so on. It was like the damn United Nations there, she likes to say.”
**Tags emigration, illegal -immigration, united nations from her book we need new names.
*“...and the women spread their ntsaroz and sit on one side, the men on the other, like they are two different rivers that are not supposed to meet.”
**Tags gender and poetic from her book we need new names.
*“Now when the men talk, their voices burn in the air, making smoke all over the place. We hear about change, about new country, about democracy, about elections and what-what.

They talk and talk, the men, lick their lips and look at the dead watches on their wrists and shake their hands and slap each other and laugh like they have swallowed thunder.”
*“If Messenger would be to open his mouth right now, his voice would be a terrible wound.”
*“We're hungry but we're together and we're at home and everything is sweeter than dessert.”
**Tags african-authors, african-literature, literary, zimbabwe from her book we need new names.
*“I think the reason they are my relatives now is they are from my country too - it's like the country has become a real family since we are in America, which is not our country.”
**[https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/5263703.NoViolet_Bulawayo] From her book we need new names.
*“If Messenger would be to open his mouth right now, his voice would be a terrible wound.”
**[https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/5263703.NoViolet_Bulawayo] From her book we need new names.
*“I used to be very afraid of graveyards and death and such things, but not anymore. There is just no sense of being afraid when you live so near the graves; it would be like the tongue fearing the teeth.”

== Quotes about NoViolet Bulawayo==

*NoViolet Bulawayo has created a world that lives and breathes – and fights, kicks, screams, and scratches, too. She has clothed it in words and given it a voice at once dissonant and melodic, utterly distinct.&quot;
** [[w:Aminatta Forna|Aminatta Forna]], author of The Memory of Love and Ancestor Stones [http://novioletbulawayo.com/book/]
*&quot;Look at the children of the land leaving in droves, leaving their own land with bleeding wounds on their bodies and shock on their faces and blood in their hearts and hunger in their stomachs and grief in their footsteps. Leaving their mothers and fathers and children behind, leaving their umbilical cords underneath the soil, leaving the bones of their ancestors in the earth, leaving everything that makes them who and what they are, leaving because it is no longer possible to stay. They will never be the same again because you cannot be the same once you leave behind who and what you are, you just cannot be the same.&quot;
**[https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/5263703.NoViolet_Bulawayo]

== External links== 
{{wikipedia}}
* http://novioletbulawayo.com/


{{DEFAULTSORT:Bulawayo, NoViolet}}
[[Category:1981 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Novelists from Zimbabwe]]
[[Category:Short story writers from Zimbabwe]]
[[Category:Women authors from Zimbabwe]]
[[Category:Stanford University alumni]]</text>
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      <text bytes="39860" sha1="pwc3h6fh3gx361gpweiza4i82kb5p3q" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Lou Andreas-Salomé - Foto Atelier Elvira.jpg|thumb|Lou Andreas-Salomé c. 1897]]
'''[[w:Lou Andreas-Salomé|Lou Andreas-Salomé]]''' (born either '''Louise von Salomé''' or '''Luíza Gustavovna Salomé''' or '''Lioulia von Salomé'''; 12 February 1861 – 5 February 1937) was a Russian-born psychoanalyst and a well-traveled author, narrator, and essayist from a Russian-German family. Her diverse intellectual interests led to friendships with a broad array of distinguished thinkers, including [[Friedrich Nietzsche]], [[Sigmund Freud]], [[Paul Rée]], and [[Rainer Maria Rilke]].

== Quotes ==
* '''As truly as I'd love a friend,&lt;br&gt;I always have loved you, riddling life,&lt;br&gt;whether I've laughed with you or wept,&lt;br&gt;whether you have brought me pleasure or strife.'''&lt;p&gt;Even in your sorrow I love you,&lt;br&gt;and, when you scatter me through space,&lt;br&gt;I will tear myself out of your arms&lt;br&gt;as a friend from a dear friend's embrace.&lt;p&gt;With all my strength I cling to you!&lt;br&gt;Let all your fire enkindle me.&lt;br&gt;Even in the heat of battle,&lt;br&gt;let me unravel your mysteries.&lt;p&gt;Thousands of years to live and think!&lt;br&gt;In your arms I long to remain.&lt;br&gt;And, when you have no more joy to give --&lt;br&gt;very well -- you still have your pain.
** &quot;A Prayer to Life&quot; (Lebensgebet), 1880; translation by Frank Beck, 2015

* I can neither live according to models, nor shall I ever be able to provide a model for anyone else. On the contrary, what I shall quite certainly do is to shape my own life according to myself, whatever may come of it. '''In this I have no principle to put forth, but something much more wonderful -- something that is within oneself and is hot with sheer life, and rejoices and wants to come out.'''
** Letter to her former teacher, Hendrik Gillot, March 26, 1882; translation by Frank Beck, 2022

* You also write: you had always thought that such complete devotion to purely intellectual goals was only meant to be a &quot;transition&quot; for me. What do you mean by &quot;transition&quot;? If other goals stand behind it, for which I must give up the most glorious and difficult thing on Earth, namely freedom, then I want to stay in this transition, because I won't give that up.
** Letter to her former teacher, Hendrik Gillot, March 26, 1882; translation by Frank Beck, 2022

*''' Let us see whether the vast majority of the so-called &quot;insurmountable barriers&quot; that the world draws are not harmless chalk lines!'''
** Letter to her former teacher, Hendrik Gillot, March 26, 1882; cited in Lou Andreas-Salome's ''Anneliese's House'' (Boydell and Brewer, 2021) p. 216, translation by Frank Beck and Raleigh Whitinger

* '''Conversing with Nietzsche is uncommonly lovely''' . . . The content of a conversation of ours really exists in what is not quite spoken but emerges from our each approaching the other half way. He gave me his hand and said earnestly and with feeling, &quot;Never forget that it would be a calamity if you did not carve a memorial to your full innermost mind in the time left to you.&quot;
** Diary entry, August 14, 1882; cited in Rudolph Binion's ''Frau Lou'' (Princeton University Press, 1968) p. 79, translation by Rudolph Binion

* The optimistic nature finds joy in the very feeling for life; the pessimistic nature finds a feeling for life only in joy.
** Notebook entry, Summer 1882; cited in Rudolph Binion's ''Frau Lou'' (Princeton University Press, 1968) p. 91, translation by Rudolph Binion

* '''What does not engage our feelings does not long engage our thoughts either.'''
** Notebook entry, Summer 1882; cited in Rudolph Binion's ''Frau Lou'' (Princeton University Press, 1968) p. 91, translation by Rudolph Binion

=== &lt;span style=&quot;color:blue&quot;&gt;''In the Fight for God''&lt;/span&gt; (Im Kampf um Gott), 1885 === 

* &quot;The grave is not the end. From the graves of those we love most and where, with those we love most, are buried all our selfish drives and desires, we must draw the strength to dedicate outselves wholly and unreservedly to the great purpose of our life: Behold: this is my religion.&quot; -- Kuno, p. 308
** Quoted in H.P. Peters,'' My Sister, My Spouse'' (W.W. Norton, 1962); p. 163; translation by H.F. Peters

=== &lt;span style=&quot;color:blue&quot;&gt;''Ibsen's Heroines''&lt;/span&gt; (Henrik Ibsens Frauen-Gestalten), 1892 === 
Translation by Siegfried Mandel (Limelight Editions, 1988)

* Once upon a time, everything was based on trust, free from worry or care; now everything stands in doubt. One upon a time, the wondrous was taken for granted; now everything that had been taught her -- even the most obvious and certain -- appears gnarled and incomprehensible. In such a moment, a child helplessly gropes for the hand of the adult in order to find guidance and direction; but another type of childlikeness, intimately related to the ideals of life, can rapidly gather strength and masculine force. Far from subduing Nora or attuning her to compromise, the first decisive conflict acts upon her like a battle cry  . . . Resistance and bravery harden into armor. '''She has grasped that the peaks of wonder in life do not appear as readily as the fairies who awaken Sleeping Beauty; in life peaks must be conquered. That insight she is willing to put to the test . . .'''
** On Nora in ''A Doll's House'', p. 54 

=== &lt;span style=&quot;color:blue&quot;&gt;''Nietzsche''&lt;/span&gt; (Friedrich Nietzsche in seinen Werken), 1894 ===
Translation by Siegfried Mandel (University of Illinois Press, 2001)

* '''A genuine Nietzsche study would require the psychology of religion that would spotlight the meaning of his being, his suffering, and his self-induced bliss.''' His entire development, as it were, derived from his loss of belief and therefore from his emotions that attend the death of God. These tremendous emotions reverberate in his writings up to the final work, the fourth part of ''Also Sprach Zarathustra'', which was composed on the threshold of madness. The possibility of finding some substitutions for the lost God by means of the most varied forms of self-idolization constituted the story of his mind, his works, and his illness. (p. 26)

=== &lt;span style=&quot;color:blue&quot;&gt;''Ruth. A Story''&lt;/span&gt; (Ruth. Erzählung), 1895 === 

* Slowly Ruth got up; an expression of utter surprise appeared on her face. Doubt, disbelief, even horror were mirrored in it. She felt as though she should call a distant friend, Erik, to come to her aid against this unknown assailant. But then she realized that it was he, it was Erik, who stood before her. (p. 326)
** Quoted in H.P. Peters,'' My Sister, My Spouse'' (W.W. Norton, 1962); p. 68; translation by H.F. Peters

=== &lt;span style=&quot;color:blue&quot;&gt;''Fenitschka and Deviations '' &lt;/span&gt; (Fenitschka.Eine Ausschweifung), 1898 ===
Translation by Dorothee Einstein Krahn (University Press of America, 1990)

* It was in September, the quietest time of year in Paris. The world of rank and fashion hid in the seaside resorts; visitors were being scared away in droves by the stifling heat. Nevertheless, the crowds that flooded the boulevards in the close evening air were so large and checkered that it would have looked like high season in any other city. (p. 3)

*  &quot;For we women who have only recently been allowed to study, it is not at all as you say,&quot; she countered, totally convinced of her position. &quot;'''For us it is not an ascetic kind of life or a retreat behind a desk. How could it be -- when it now enables us to join the battle for our freedom and our rights and to enter into the fullness of life?''' Those of us who elect to study so not do it with our heads or our intelligence only; no -- we do wit with all our will-power and our total humanity. Our gain is not just knowledge but a new hold on life with all its emotions. What you describe as science sounds like an activity for very old men, who have finished with life as such. Perhaps it is you who are old and senile. Among us women, it is the young, the strong, and the cheerful who become inspired.&quot; -- (Fenitschka) p. 9

* '''&quot;How do I imagine love? This is quite uncomplicated -- very simple and wholesome.''' I would compare it with things that are least demonic or romantic, like the daily bread that is blessed and stills our hunger, like the stream of air that comes into our home to refresh us. In one word, with that which is most important, most beautiful, and most natural, on which we most depend and about which we do not need to engage in empty rhetoric.&quot; -- (Fenitschka) p. 19

* Why did he have such a rough picture of her? It was strange that he found it so difficult to comprehend women in the manifold ways of their humanity and not just schematic way, as representations of their gender. '''Whether he idealized them, or regarded them as diabolic, a man always interpreted women's behavior too simply and personally, based on some chance reaction to himself.''' Maybe the notion that woman was sphinx-like stemmed from the sole fact that her full humanity, in no way inferior to man's, could not be grasped with such artificial simplifications. p. 25

* &quot;Listen to me,&quot; she exclaimed resolutely, &quot;why are you putting on this farce? Why are you treating me like a breakable doll with whom you can play all kinds of games, as long as you pack her safely in cotton? I know very well that you know the whole story. Well then, you know it all. I cam here because I had forgotten something here in my room the other day. Because I do have a room here. And last night -- last night it was I who was getting into a sleigh with a man whom I love.&quot; -- (Fenitschka) p. 30

* &quot;There was no way in which I could have intended that [to get married]!&quot; she interrupted him. '''&quot;Tell me, would one of you [men] want that perhaps, a young man for instance, who had spent his entire youth in order to become free and self-reliant, and who was just on the threshold -- about to reach his goal -- who had learned to love life because of it, because of his professional opportunities, his responsibilities, his independence?''' No, I cannot envision this as my aim in life: home, family, housewife, children -- it is alien to me, alien. Perhaps only at this moment, at this time in my life, how do I know? Or maybe I would never be good at all that. Love and marriage are simply not the same thing. -- (Fenitschka) p. 39

=== &lt;span style=&quot;color:blue&quot;&gt;''The Human Family '' &lt;/span&gt; (Menschenkinder), 1899 ===
Translation by Raleigh Whitinger (University of Nebraska Press, 2005)

* &quot;Do you know what love is? I mean the most profound thing about it? I will tell you: it is the mystery of completely sharing the experience of what is happening to the other person. As if hypnotized, as if replaced or exchanged with that other person, you follow the most subtle stirrings of that other person's soul, enjoying them, experiencing them, in that person. For that reason, they call love a kind of insanity or possession by the other. What is the result? The result is that both persons experience the same thing -- that they become identical, so to speak.&quot; (&quot;Maidens' Roundelay&quot;) p. 50

* '''Perhaps life's earnestness might often come to destroy the lovers' play, as it had today, perhaps the little song of love might often die out unheard amid the painful, confused tones that assail his heart [as a physician], as it had today.''' -- But with a happy face she will from this day forward raise up her arms to him, in gratitude that he does not merely caress her and forget life's seriousness when he is with her, but that he struggles with life for himself and for her. And in her lap he shall rest his head when he is suffering. Perhaps then a tender dream will always rise up anew -- in a night like this one -- and, ever again, secretly weave, in the dark, new love around their life. -- -- -- (&quot;One Night&quot;) p. 74

* His gaze lit upon a lovely girl who was just crossing the street diagonally, carefully lifting her skirt as she did so as to reveal a pair of charming little ankle boots. He had to smile about the about childish impatience of his desire to deck Marfa out like this until she too was a lovely girl -- bring her out of her dour shell. But Marfa was not coming. -- (&quot;A Reunion&quot;), p. 103

*Hildegard sensed darkly that she would now at once have to spread two light gray wings and let them lift her up -- high, high, as in her dream. But she also sensed darkly how it is in feverish dreams: as though something in her were helplessly, powerlessly beating its wings -- and suddenly she didn't know whether she was flying -- or falling --. Then Dietrich drew the playing child to him.  He looked at Hildegard, almost a bit timidly -- and at the same time gently kissed the child on his blond hair. And Hildegard slowly laid her hand in his. Reaching out over a paradise. -- (&quot;Paradise&quot;), p. 132

* &quot;Oh, the mountains!&quot; she said in her soft voice, and the indeterminate color of her eyes seemed to grow darker. &quot;I used to love the plains, that's where I'm from. And it is beautiful there, too, where it is boundless, or at least appears to be so. But when people come to the plains, they immediately become human themselves, serving people, and they're no longer untouched and unapproachable. '''It occurs to me now that's why the mountains have the effect they do. As if one were seeing nature itself as it rises above all that's human and looks down upon it.''' No matter how many small settlements might grow among them, they still retain something so primeval.&quot; -- Anjuta (&quot;Incognito&quot;), p. 135

* '''&quot;Don't you think that a great yearning is like the birds' heading south -- a sign that somewhere life is in bloom?&quot;''' -- Georg (&quot;A Death&quot;), p. 173

=== &lt;span style=&quot;color:blue&quot;&gt;''The Erotic '' &lt;/span&gt; (Die Erotik), 1910 ===
Included in Dalia Nassar and Kristin Gjesdal's ''Women Philosophers in the Long Nineteenth Century: The German Tradition'', translation by Anna C. Ezekiel (Oxford University Press, 2021)

* '''You can tackle the problem of the erotic however you want, but you will always feel that you have done so very one-sidedly, especially if you tackle it by means of logic -- that is, from the outside.''' (p. 184)

* The problem of the erotic is characterized by two things: for a start, it must be regarded as a special case within physical, psychic and social relations in general, and not, as often happens, as autocratically isolated. Rather, it ''relates'' all three of these kinds of problems to ''each other'', and thus merges them into a single problem -- ''its'' problem. (p. 188)

* In the fusion of single cells . . .  the two cells' nuclei totally merge with each other, forming the new creature, and only what is inessential, at the periphery of the old cell, disintegrates, dying off. It may well stem from such influence that . . . the total fusion of single-cell organisms corresponds allegorically to what, in the highest dreams of love, the mind imagines as the full joy of love. '''That is arguably why love is so easily associated with longing and trepidation about death, which are not even clearly differentiated from each other; with something like a primal dream in which oneself, one's lover, and their child could still be one, and just three names for the same immortality.''' (p. 191-92)

=== &lt;span style=&quot;color:blue&quot;&gt;''Anneliese's House''&lt;/span&gt; (Das Haus), 1921 ===
Translation by Frank Beck and Raleigh Whitinger (Boydell and Brewer, 2021)

* The house stood on a hillside, overlooking the town in the valley and the long stretch of mountains beyond. From the country road that climbed through the hill's woods in a wide curve, you stepped right into the middle story, as if it were at ground level -- so deeply was the little, white house nestled into the slope. But perched up there it had a freer view out over the terraced garden and the broad expanse below, gazing down with many bright window-eyes and with boldly protruding bays -- extensions of original rooms that had been found too confining. '''This undeniably made for whimsical architecture, but it gave the house an impression of grace and lightness -- almost as if it were just resting there.''' (p. 1)

* Branhardt set aside the book he had come for. Her face, which was not beautiful and, through all those years, could have faded into banality if it hadn't borne the intimate inscription of her soul, spoke eloquently to him. He loved it as strongly and deeply as he had in his youth. But differently now, because he too bore, perhaps in harsher letters, what was also written there: the signature of life itself. (p. 17)

* '''&quot;Conflicted creatures, that’s what we [parents] are  — we give birth, without knowing to what; we educate, without knowing whom; we must answer for it, without knowing how; and we can give up neither our power nor our fear.&quot;''' -- Anneliese, p. 52

* &quot;Theory and practice, philosophy and religion, and heaven knows what, how little all that means compared to this one simple thing: the desire for life of a completely healthy, physically harmonious person — and I’m not one of them. — Only such a person knows what life really is. Life can be trusted — if Liese trusts it.&quot; -- Renate, p.52

* '''&quot;No! No! Not one! Never just one! Even the wisest judgment can become unjust, willful, arrogant, when measured against life. And the worst -- you see -- the worst thing under the sun -- is the violation of one person by another.&quot;''' -- Anneliese, p. 117

* &quot;But this danger you mention?&quot; he went on. &quot;Tell me, where is there beauty that isn't at the same time in danger? -- and when wasn't the greatest beauty also the greatest danger! -- And mind you: this know-it-all attitude and drive to control, the 'firm hand' you were talking about -- all that arrogance, especially of the usual, masculine kind, will go to pieces trying to deal with this! That approach is only best right from the start and with women who are no threat to anyone. But -- please tell me -- what's so great about a manly stance that has to look out for itself, that's so anxiously self-defensive?&quot; -- Marcus, p. 180

=== &lt;span style=&quot;color:blue&quot;&gt;''The Dual Orientation of Narcissism''&lt;/span&gt;, (Narzissmus als Doppelrichtung), 1921 ===
''Imago'', VII: 4:1, 1920-21; translation by Stanley A. Leavy, ''Psychoanalytic Quarterly'' 31, no. 1 (1962)

* '''Bear in mind that the Narcissus of legend gazed, not at a man-made mirror, but at the mirror of Nature [a pool of water].''' Perhaps it was not just himself that he beheld in the mirror, but himself as if he were still All: would he not otherwise have fled, instead of lingering before it? And does not melancholy dwell next to enchantment upon his face? Only the poet can make a whole picture of this unity of joy and sorrow, departure from self and absorption in self, devotion and self-assertion.

* Objectivity is mankind's glorious goal, summoning narcissism, Eros masked, from the dreams of childhood to the service of research, progress, art, and culture. When it stays behind in childish dreaming, and when its leap falls short, it slips without a blow into the bottomless deeps of disease.

* '''In truth, our narcissism is nothing other than that mysterious knowledge rooted in the emotional life, which posits the ultimate in subjectivity as the keystone of objective existence.''' When any metaphysical position attempt to harmonize 'Being' with 'God', as the principle of absolute value, it is not only engaged in a narcissistic mode of thought but is itself the very image, philosophically elaborated, of the union of narcissism and objectivity.

=== &lt;span style=&quot;color:blue&quot;&gt;''You Alone Are Real to Me: Remembering Rainer Maria Rilke''&lt;/span&gt;, (Rainer Maria Rilke), 1928 ===
Translation by Angela von der Lippe (Amazon Kindle, 2021)

* '''Mourning is not as singular a state of emotional preoccupation as is commonly thought: it is, more precisely, an incessant discourse with the departed one, in order to draw him nearer.''' For death entails not merely a disappearance but rather a transformation into a new realm of visibility. Something is not just taken away but is gained, in a way never before experienced. In the moment when the flowing lines of a figure’s constant change and effect become paralyzed for us, we are imbued for the first time with its essence: something which is never captured or fully realized in the normal course of lived existence. -- Kindle p. 26

* [Russia's God] cannot prevent or improve all things; he can only represent closeness and intimacy for all time . . . This all-pervasive sense of security, this omnipresence, leads to a confidence in the surroundings, whatever they may be, and it presupposes an untorn integration with one’s childhood, within the unity of the womb. '''It was exactly that childlike purity and the primitiveness in basic outlook on life (so characteristic of the Russian spirit) that captured the imagination of the poet and was released in his language. It made possible the return to a kind of familiar divinity in mankind, as if Rilke were suddenly presented with the gift of the primal home and childhood he had been deprived of.''' Kindle pp. 33-4.

* '''For the angels [of the Duino Elegies] are not intermediaries, and that is important.''' For him there were no mediating saints or redeemers, although the name of the angels may have come from his Catholic childhood. For him God remained for all time the designation for the all-embracing unity. If in The Book of Hours God is addressed only as a “neighbor,” it is because the slightest removal from him would pose an absolute and hopelessly insurmountable distance. What is presented here, instead, before the dominion of the heavens over the earth, is the horizon of angels, an optically unifying illusion. -- Kindle p. 85

* [Speaking of Rilke] Abandoning himself in everything, and thereby making himself superfluous, the benefactor becomes at once the petitioner, the recipients become donors, and he hides in their secure existence. And were this loner, who was isolated in death, still with us, I believe he would feel most immediately at home in the deepest anonymity of his work’s effects— there in the no longer audible processes of man’s union with the cosmos, where his form is allowed to fade and no longer requires visibility or the boundaries of self. Restored to a stronger presence: standing there, in deep peace, he too a nameless one among the nameless. -- Kindle p. 96

=== &lt;span style=&quot;color:blue&quot;&gt;''My Thanks to Freud''&lt;/span&gt;, (Mein Dank an Freud), 1931 ===
* '''The more fully we enter into the 'challenge of the hour', into the present factual moment, into the conditions that hold from one case to another, instead of being trammeled by prescriptions and directives (written by human beings!), the more connectedly do we act in accord with the whole''' . . . If anyone thinks that is immorally presumptuous and high-handed, then it would be truer to call the childish-slavish obedience to prescriptions, which make everything easy, a convenient moral slovenliness!
** Cited in Angela Livingstone's ''Salomé: Her Life and Work''; translation by Angela Livingstone, pp. 192-3

* ''' The most daring thing we have invented was to become human, and, with that, the creation of human values as life's most sublime adventure.
** Pages 96-7; translation by Frank Beck 

=== &lt;span style=&quot;color:blue&quot;&gt;''A Look Back at Life: Sketches of Some Life Memories''&lt;/span&gt; (Lebensrückblick: Grundriß einiger Lebenserinnerungen, ed. Ernst Pfeiffer), 1951 ===

* '''Human life -- ah! life in general -- ''is'' poetry.''' Unconscious of ourselves, ''we'' live it -- day by day and piece by piece -- but in its inviolable wholeness it lives, it composes, ''us''. Far from the old phrase: &quot;turn your life into a work of art&quot;; we are not ''our'' art work.
** Opening epigraph; translation by Frank Beck, 2015

* '''Our first experience is, remarkably, of a disappearance.''' A moment ago we were still everything, undivided; any other existence was indivisible from us. Then we were thrust into being born. We became a residual part of everything, which from then on had to strive not to fall into further diminution, which had to assert itself against a contrary world rising ever wider against it, a world into which it had fallen from its fullness into an initially depriving emptiness. 
** Page 9; translation by Frank Beck, 2022

* '''If for years I was your wife, it was because in you I encountered what is real for the first time: body and person indistinguishably one, an undeniable fact of life itself.''' Word for word, I could have confessed what you had said in your declaration of love: ‘You alone are real.’ With that, we became spouses, even before we were friends, and we became friends hardly by choice, but rather from an unseen but already consummated marriage. Not two halves searching for one another: a startled wholeness that recognized, with a shudder, its own incomprehensible unity.  And so, we were siblings – but as in previous times, before incest became a sacrilege.
** Pages 173-74; translation by Frank Beck, 2022 

* The man that we love, regardless of the exalted state of both his spirit and his soul, remains a priest in his robes who only vaguely guesses what he is celebrating.
** Pages 270-71; translation by Frank Beck, 2022

* '''Whatever happens to me -- I never lose the certainty that behind me arms are open to receive me.'''
** Said to Ernst Pfeiffer in her old age and cited in his Afterward to ''Life Review''; see below; translation by Angela Livingstone

=== &lt;span style=&quot;color:blue&quot;&gt;''Rilke and Andreas-Salomé: A Love Story in Letters''&lt;/span&gt; (Briefwechsel, ed. Ernst Pfeiffer) (1952) ===
Translation by Edward Snow and Michael Winkler (W.W.Norton, 2006) 
* [On receiving the newly completed Sixth, Eighth and Tenth Duino Elegies] '''Ah слава Богу [Russian for ''thank God''] dear Rainer, how rich his gift to you -- and yours to me!''' I sat and read and cried from joy, and it was not just joy at all but something much more powerful, as if a curtain were being parted, rent, and everything were growing quiet and certain and present and good. I remember as if it were today how much the beginning of the last Elegy plagued you, and when it had shaken me so severely, how even ''that'' plagued you; it has been on your lips for such long years; a word which one cannot make conscious and which is ''there'' all the same; in the beginning was this word. And then the ''Creature'' Elegy [the Eighth]! -- It is the poem of my most secret heart, oh so sayably glorious; and ''said'', the inexpressible made present and actual. '''And ''that'', finally is the message of this poetry: that we are surrounded, ringed by things of mute presence that are being rescued, redeemed into existence for us only thus, and yet it is these things alone by which we live.''' (p. 332-33)
** Letter to Rainer Maria Rilke, February 16, 1922

=== &lt;span style=&quot;color:blue&quot;&gt;''The Freud Journal''&lt;/span&gt; (In der Schule bei Freud) (1958) === 
Translation by Stanley A. Leavy (Quartet Books, 1987)
* '''It delights me that the one thinker I approached in my childhood [Spinoza] and almost adored now meets me again, and as the philosopher of psychoanalysis. Think far enough, correctly enough on any point at all, and you hit upon him; you meet him waiting for you, standing ready at the side of the road.''' (pp. 75-76)

=== &lt;span style=&quot;color:blue&quot;&gt;''Sigmund Freud and Lou Andreas-Salomé Letters''&lt;/span&gt; (Briefwechsel, ed. Ernst Pfeiffer) (1980) === 
Translation by William and Elaine Robson-Scott (W.W. Norton, 1985)
* '''I cannot think of any personal fate which could have cost me anything like such anguish. And I don't really believe that after this we shall ever be able to be really happy again.''' (p. 20)
**Letter to Sigmund Freud, November 19, 1914

* '''It delights me to note from year to year how long it takes for much that happens to one to become inner experience.''' It is only in old age that this process is completed, and for this reason it is right and proper to grow truly old, despite the less pleasant reverse side in the shape of infirmity. It seems to be that this is true even in matters of the intellect, not only in the emotional life. (p. 201)
** Letter to Sigmund Freud, May 3, 1934

== Quotes about Lou Andreas-Salomé (alphabetical by writer's last name) ==
* '''Outwardly and inwardly both, Lou Salomé's life is among the richest on record.''' She kept company -- uncannily stimulating, uncannily receptive -- with the cultural elite of her times, as judged from ours. She wrote in the widest variety of literary genres, including a couple of her own devising, happy and unhappy respectively: the diary essaylet and the achronological memoir. And by and large she wrote well: her peers among essayists at all odds are numbered.
** Rudolph Binion, ''Frau Lou'' (Princeton University Press, 1968) p. 491

* In my talks with Lou, things became clear to me that I might not have found by myself. Like a catalyst, she activated my thought processes. [...] Intellectually, she was nurturing and creative. Not only encouraging – but enthralling. '''One felt the spark of genius in her. One grew in her presence.'''
** Poul Bjerre, letter to H.F. Peters, Andreas-Salomé's first biographer, cited in Michaela Wiesner-Bangard and Ursula Welsch's ''Lou Andreas-Salomé: Wie ich Dich liebe, Rätselleben'' (Reclam, 2017), translation by Raleigh Whitinger, p. 276

* '''Andreas-Salomé’s work raises questions that are still urgent today: How are the binaries of Western thought [e.g., thinking of woman as the &quot;other&quot; of man) effectively negotiated and transformed into difference and diversity?''' How do language and narrative contribute to an upsetting of conventional and fixed points of view? And, finally, how does thinking with images open processes of experience and recognition that create diversity and open-endedness?
** Gisela Brinkler-Gabler, ''Image in Outline: Reading Lou Andreas-Salomé'' (Continuum, 2012) ebook loc. 353

* Published in a traditional women's genre, ''Das Haus'' had the potential to reach far beyond limited groups of female intellectuals into the homes and lives of women who might be alienated or threatened by the political articulations of champions of the German's women's movement but could still be influenced by feminist notions of emancipation in popular fiction.
** Muriel Cormican, ''Women in the Works of Lou Andreas-Salome: Negotiating Identity'' (Camden House, 2009), p. 46 

* '''Can a woman be the subject of the gaze, even if she is also its object?''' . . . Revealing both women's and men's subjection to prevailing categorizations of gendered sexuality and identity, the novellas in ''Menschenkinder'' do not merely illuminate the problems of female identity but also touch on corresponding difficulties for men.
** Muriel Cormican, ''Women in the Works of Lou Andreas-Salome: Negotiating Identity'' (Camden House, 2009), p. 107 

* I am delighted to observe that nothing has altered in our respective ways of approaching a theme, whatever it may be. I strike up a -- mostly very simple melody; you supply the higher octaves for it; I separate the one from the other; and you blend what has been separated into a higher unity.
** [[Sigmund Freud]], ''Sigmund Freud and Lou Andreas-Salomé: Letters'', ed. Ernst Pfeiffer Translation by William and Elaine Robson-Scott, p. 185

* '''I am not saying too much when I acknowledge that we all felt it as an honor when she entered the ranks of our co-workers and co-fighters, and simultaneously as a new weapon for the truth of analytical teachings''' . . . She was of an unusual modesty and discretion. She never spoke of her own poetic and literary productions. She obviously knew where the real values of life are to be sought. Whoever came close to her received the strongest impression of the genuineness and the harmony of her being and could see, to his astonishment, that all feminine, perhaps most human, weaknesses were foreign to her or had been overcome by her in the course of her life.
** [[Sigmund Freud]] ''Internationale Zeitschrift für Psychoanalyse'', Vol. XXV, S.E. XXIII; (1937)' cited in Angela Livingstone's ''Salomé: Her Life and Work'' (Moyer Bell, 1984);  translation by Angela Livingstone, p. 236

* Salomé's construction of femininity did not challenge the ultimate fact of sexual difference or the presumption of heterosexuality head on. What Salomé did do, however, was figure woman's masculine will and strength as the mark of her completeness in herself. The double directionality of &quot;masculinity&quot; and &quot;femininity&quot; within woman only made her more woman; it differentiated her from modern man, who had renounced his own basis in what Salomé called the primal ground of life or, later, narcissism.
** Biddy Martin, ''Woman and Modernity: The Life(Styles) of Lou Andreas-Salomé'' (Cornell University Press, 1991), p. 5

* '''My most useful activity this summer was talking with Lou.''' There is a deep affinity between us in intellect and taste -- and there are in other ways so many differences that we are the most instructive objects and subjects of observation for each other. I have never met anyone who could derive so many objective insights from experience, who knows how to deduce so much from all she has learned.
** [[Friedrich Nietzsche]], letter to Franz Overbeck, September 1882. ''Selected Letters of Friedrich Nietzsche'', ed. and trans. by Christopher Middleton (Hackett, 1996), p. 194

* '''Of all acquaintances I have made, the most full and valuable is the one with Fräulein Salomé. Only since knowing her was I ripe for my Zarathustra''' . . . Lou is the most gifted, thoughtful creature one can imagine -- naturally she also has some dubious qualities. ''I'' have some, too . . . You can't sense what consolation Dr. Rée was to me for years -- ''faute de mieux'' [&quot;for want of anything better&quot;], it goes with saying, and what an incredible benefit the communion with Fräulein Salomé was to me!
** [[Friedrich Nietzsche]], letter to his sister Elisabeth, Spring 1884, cited in Angela Livingstone's ''Salomé: Her Life and Work'' (Moyer Bell, 1984); translation by Angela Livingstone, p. 54

* Here then is the record of long and turbulent life, a gallery of pictures that extend from her birth in Czarist Russia to her death in Nazi Germany. An unusual life, whatever judgement we pass on it. ''Voila, un homme'', said Napoleon when he met Goethe. By way of introducing Lou Salomé, I can only say, ''Voila une femme''.
** H.P. Peters, in his preface to the first biography of the author, ''My Sister, My Spouse'' (W.W. Norton, 1962); p. 17

* As is well known, happiness and harmony are much more difficult to portray than strife and suffering. [In her novel ''Das Haus''] Frau Andreas-Salomé has succeeded in creating a beautiful, German image of the family without becoming cloying. It is very feminine, but this philosopher was always surprisingly feminine -- in the best sense. '''One thinks of the novellas in her collection, ''Im Zwischenland'' (In the Country Between). How she traces the germinating emotions of a fourteen-year-old girl; with what tenderness they are parsed. The same fine fingertips are at work here.'''
** Gabriele Reuter c. 1921, cited in Lou Andreas-Salomé's ''Das Haus: Familiengeschichte von Ende vorigen Jahrhunderts'', ed. Brigitte Spreitzer, 2021; translation by Frank Beck

* '''What a great revolutionary you are.''' -- You didn't overthrow thrones inside me. But the one throne that waited there: you strode past it gently smiling. Ever upward. And my desire, which before had crowded and become tangled around the vacant throne like wild roses, now rise as white columns around the space from whose temple friezes you smile down into my soul and bless my longing.
** [[Rainer Maria Rilke]], letter to Lou Andreas-Salomé, June 1897. ''Rilke and Andreas-Salome: A Love Story in Letters''; translation by Edward Snow, p. 10

* '''She moves fearlessly among the most burning mysteries, which do nothing to her . . . I know no one else with life so much on their side.'''
** [[Rainer Maria Rilke]], letter to Princess M. von Thurn und Taxis, July 19, 1913; cited in Angela Livingstone's ''Salomé: Her Life and Work''; translation by Angela Livingstone, p. 11

* '''As well as foregrounding the title heroine's growth in articulating her independent resolve and her awareness of its demands and costs, Andreas-Salomé's story also weaves into the background line of its critical dialogue with male traditions intimations of possible male growth and insight.'''
** Raleigh Whitinger, &quot;''Fenitschka'' and the Tradition of the ''Bildungsroman'',&quot; ''Monatshefte'', Winter 1999, Vol. 91, No. 4 (pp. 464-80)

* '''She had a very quiet way of speaking and a great gift of inspiring confidence.''' I am still a little surprised today how much I told her then. But I had always the feeling that she not only understood everything but forgave everything. I have never again experienced such a feeling of conciliatory kindness, or, if you like, compassion, as I did with her.
** An anonymous physician at the veterans' hospital in Königsberg whom Andreas-Salome analyzed about 1919, cited in H.F. Peters' ''My Sister, My Spouse: A Biography of Lou Andreas-Salomé''; translation by H.F. Peters, p. 282

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* [https://vimeo.com/ondemand/louthefilm Lou Andreas-Salomé: The Audacity to Be Free - A film by Cordula Kablitz-Post]
* [https://www.worldliteraturetoday.org/blog/cultural-cross-sections/love-lou In Love with Lou (World Literature Today)]
* [https://reinventinghome.org/the-story-of-a-happy-home The Story of a Happy Home: The first English translation of the author's ''Das Haus'']
* [https://boydellandbrewer.com/9781640141018/annelieses-house ''Anneliese's House'' ('Das Haus' translated by Frank Beck and Raleigh Whitinger)]
* [https://drive.google.com/file/d/1OCYGKp0a-wsBp_H01YrLRI1rVpBfP8qc/view?usp=sharing  Review of ''Anneliese's House'' (Times Literary Supplement)]
* [https://www.irishtimes.com/culture/books/translated-fiction-a-round-up-of-the-best-new-books-1.4686713 Review of ''Anneliese's House'' (The Irish Times)]
* [https://www.nebraskapress.unl.edu/nebraska-paperback/9780803259522 ''The Human Family'' (Translated by Raleigh Whitinger)]
* [https://www.amazon.com/You-Alone-Are-Real-Remembering-ebook/dp/B0912V75X3/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&amp;qid=1643634363&amp;sr=1-1 ''You Alone Are Real to Me: Remembering Rainer Maria Rilke'' (Translated by Angela von der Lippe)]
* [https://shop.neuegalerie.org/products/rilke-and-andreas-salome-a-love-story-in-letters ''Rilke and Lou Andreas-Salome: A Love Story in Letters'']
* [https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m0007kjq Laura Marling on Lou Andreas-Salomé (BBC Radio 4)]
* [https://www.medienedition.de/lou-andreas-salome/werke/uebersetzungen#c253 Translations of the author's works in 11 languages]
* [https://www.chanel.com/us/fashion/event/literary-rendez-vous-lou-andreas-salome-portrait Portrait of Lou Andreas-Salomé by Charlotte Casiraghi and Sarah Chiche (Video)]
* [https://www.br.de/mediathek/podcast/radiowissen/lou-andreas-salom-auf-augenhoehe-mit-nietzsche-rilke-freud/1834059 Podcast about the author from Bavarian Radio (BR Mediathek)]
* [https://shop.medienedition.de/collections/werkedition-lou-andreas-salome-buch MedienEdition Welsch's uniform edition of the author's works in German]
* [https://www.projekt-gutenberg.org/autoren/namen/salome.html Works by Lou Andreas-Salomé at Projekt-Gutenberg]

{{DEFAULTSORT:Andreas-Salome, Lou}}
[[Category:Novelists from Germany]]
[[Category:Psychoanalysts]]
[[Category:Poets from Russia]]
[[Category:Essayists from Russia]]
[[Category:Women authors from Russia]]
[[Category:1861 births]]
[[Category:1937 deaths]]
[[Category:People from St. Petersburg]]</text>
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    <title>Rugrats (2021 TV series)</title>
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'''''[[w:Rugrats (2021 TV series)|Rugrats]]''''' is an American computer-animated streaming television series and a revival/reboot of the [[Rugrats|television series of the same name]].

{{tv-stub}}

==Season 1==
===''Second Time Around (Episode 1)''===
:'''Tommy''': Tommy: Who wants spring cheese?
:'''Lil''': I'll take that!
:'''Tommy''': And what about mushy taters?
:'''Phil''': Hand 'em over! :''[takes the mashed potatoes and stuffs them in his pants]''
:'''Chuckie''': PHIL!
:'''Phil''': Oh, sorry, Chuckie. Forgotted my manners. Want some?
:'''Susie''': Ooh, these bones look like Spike food! Fetch, Spike!
:'''Angelica''': Hey, you tinkleheads! You better not have eated all the good food!
:'''Tommy''': Uh... Phil has some mushy taters.
:'''Angelica''': You're gonna get in big trouble! What am I saying? You get away with stuff just cause you're babies! Life is so unfair...

===Episode 2===

====''Lady De-Clutter (2.1)''====


====''New Puppy (2.2)''====

===Episode 3===

====''Tail of the Dogbot (3.1)''====

====''Jonathan for a Day (3.2)''====

===Episode 4===

====''One Big Happy Family (4.1)''====

====''The Last Balloon (4.2)''====

===Episode 5===

====''March for Peas (5.1)''====

====''The Two Angelicas (5.2)''====

===Episode 6===

====''No License to Drive (6.1)''====

====''I Dream of Duffy (6.2)''====

===Episode 7===

====''The Fish Stick (7.1)''====

====''The Pickle Barrel (7.2)''====

===Episode 8===

====''The Future Maker (8.1)''====

====''Goodbye Reptar (8.2)''====

===Episode 9===

====''The Bubbe and Zayde Show (9.1)''====

====''The Perfect Myth (9.2)''====

===Episode 10===

====''The Big Diff (10.1)''====

====''Final Eclipse (10.2)''====

===Episode 11===

====''Great Minds Think Alike (11.1)''====

====''Betty and the Beast (11.2)''====

===Episode 12===

====''Escape from Preschool (12.1)''====

====''Mr. Chuckie (12.2)''====

===''The Werewoof Hunter (Episode 13)''===
'''Angelica''': Hey, where'd that Fran Lump go?

'''Chuckie''': Uh, you don't think the books ate her do ya?

'''Angelica''': ''[grabs the book and tears its pages]'' No! She left us 'cause you wobbleheads were talking too much. Now we'll never get to the ball. ''[grumbles as she kicks the book and picks up her bucket]'' MY HALLOWEEN IS RUUINNNEED!!!!

''[The babies race to the balcony]''

'''Tommy''': Uh, we didn't mean to ruin your night, Angelica. If you want, we can still give you our fireflies.

'''Angelica''': Forget it. I wanted to go to a ball and have people bow before me like a queen. Not get stuck with you puny peasants. Now leave me alo-o-o-o-ne!

'''Daxton''': When the moon is full and the wolfsbane blooms, take cover in the night for the werewolf looms.

''[Angelica looks at the moon and her pupils grow big and her shoe rips off revealing her werewolf paw]''

'''Angelica''': ''[as her one of the sleeves from her dress tears revealing fur]'' Hey! What's the big idea? That's my brand new princess dress.

''[the babies gasp]''

'''Angelica''': Uhh! Why's my arm all furry? Ahh! And my teeth all pointy? Whatever's happening to me?! Had better… stop… right… now… or… I'll… I'll… ''[howls as thunder crashes and lightning strikes]''


''[After Tommy puts on the bandage on Angelica's wound, Angelica turns back to her normal self and the babies cheer as they hug her]''

'''Angelica''': Hey, who ripped my princess dress? Ew, my hair smells like dog breath. Why are you yucky babies hugging me? Get off me right now!

''[the babies hear a wolf howling and they hug in fear]''

===''Traditions (Episode 14)''===

===Episode 15===

====''Chuckie vs. the Vacuum (15.1)''====

====''Gone Teddy Gone (15.2)''====

===Episode 16===

====''I, Baby (16.1)''====

====''Fan-Gelica (16.2)''====

===Episode 17===

====''Captain Susie (17.1)''====

====''Bringing Up Daisy (17.2)''====

===Episode 18===

====''Wedding Smashers (18.1)''====

====''House Broken (18.2)''====

===Episode 19===

====''Lucky Smudge (19.1)''====

====''Our Friend Twinkle (19.2)''====

===''Rescuing Cynthia (Episode 20)''===

===Episode 21===

====''Queen Bee (21.1)''====

====''Phone Alone (21.2)''====

===Episode 22===

====''Night Crawler (22.1)''====

====''Golbets &amp; Goblins (22.2)''====

===Episode 23===

====''House of Cardboard (23.1)''====

====''Fluffy Moves In (23.2)''====

===Episode 24===

====''Susie the Artist (24.1)''====

====''A Horse is a Horse (24.2)''====

==Season 2==
===Episode 1===

====''Crossing the Antarctic (1.1)''====


====''Chuckie in Charge (1.2)''====

===Episode 2===

====''Tooth or Share (2.1)''====


====''Moon Story (2.2)''====

===Episode 3===

====''Snake in the Grass (3.1)''====

====''Ancient Treasure (3.2)''====

===''Tot Springs Showdown (Episode 4)''===

===Episode 5===

====''Little Daddy (5.1)''====

====''The Kid (5.2)''====

===Episode 6===

====''Bottles Away (6.1)''====

====''Extra Pickles (6.2)''====

===''Gramping (Episode 7)''===

===Episode 8===

====''The Blob from Outer Space (8.1)''====

====''The Chop (8.2)''====

===Episode 9===

====''Tommy the Giant (9.1)''====

====''Nanny Pip (9.2)''====

===Episode 10===

====''Sir Spike (10.1)''====

====''Rattled (10.2)''====

===Episode 11===

====''Reptar Day! (11.1)''====

====''Mission to the Little (11.2)''====

===Episode 12===

====''Miss Match (12.1)''====

====''Flamingo Dance (12.2)''====

===Episode 13===

====''Baby Talk (13.1)''====

====''Tossed and Found (13.2)''====

===Episode 14===

====''Mini-Mommy (14.1)''====

====''No Talking (14.2)''====

===Episode 15===

====''The Climb (15.1)''====

====''Wolf at the Door (15.2)''====

===Episode 16===

====''Chuckie Little (16.1)''====

====''What's Your Wish?(16.2)''====

===Episode 17===

====''A Scare to Remember (17.1)''====

====''The Long Playdate (17.2)''====

===Episode 18===

====''Guitar Man (18.1)''====

====''Uncle Jake's Day Out (18.2)''====

===Episode 19===

====''Surviving Dil (19.1)''====

====''Reptar's Mama (19.2)''====

===Episode 20===

====''The Heist (20.1)''====

====''The Lambster (20.2)''====

===''Purim (Episode 21)''===

==Cast==
* [[w:Elizabeth Daily|E.G. Daily]] as Tommy Pickles
* [[Nancy Cartwright]] as Chuckie Finster
* [[w:Kath Soucie|Kath Soucie]] as Phil and Lil DeVille
* [[w:Cheryl Chase|Cheryl Chase]] as Angelica Pickles
* [[w:Cree Summer|Cree Summer]] as Susie Carmichael
* [[w:Tara Strong|Tara Strong]] as Dil Pickles
* [[w:Tommy Dewey|Tommy Dewey]] as Stu Pickles
* [[w:Ashley Spillers|Ashley Rae Spillers]] as Didi Pickle
* [[w:Anna Chlumsky|Anna Chlumsky]] as Charlotte Pickles
* [[w:Timothy Simons|Timothy Simons]] as Drew Pickles
* [[w:Natalie Morales (actress)|Natalie Morales]] as Betty DeVille
* [[w:Tony Hale|Tony Hale]] as Chas Finster, 
* [[w:Michael McKean|Michael McKean]] as Grandpa Lou Pickles
* [[w:Nicole Byer|Nicole Byer]] as Dr. Lucy Carmichael
* [[w:Omar Benson Miller|Omar Benson Miller]] as Randy Carmichael
* [[w:Charlet Chung|Charlet Chung]] as Kimi Watanabe
* [[w:Romi Dames|Romi Dames]] as Kira Watanabe
* [[w:Henry Winkler|Henry Winkler]] as Boris Kropotkin
* [[w:Swoosie Kurtz|Swoosie Kurtz]] as Minka Kropotkin
* [[w:Raini Rodriguez|Raini Rodriguez]] as Gabi
* [[w:Keith Carradine|Keith Carradine]] as Bob Brine

===Guest Stars===
* [[w:Jameela Jamil|Jameela Jamil]] as LadyDe-Cultter
* [[w:Raini Rodriguez|Raini Rodriguez]] as Gabi
* [[w:Ben Schwartz|Ben Schwartz]] as Lord Crater
* [[w:Richard Ayoade|Richard Ayoade]] as Duffy
* [[w:Jordin Sparks|Jordin Sparks]] as Tabitha
* [[w:Tori Kelly|Tori Kelly]] as Cynthia
* [[w:Yvette Nicole Brown|Yvette Nicole Brown]] as Miss Mellie 
* [[w:Wendie Malick|Wendie Malick]] as Judith
* [[w:Sarah Niles|Sarah Niles]] as Nanny Pip 
* [[w:Alia Shawkat|Alia Shawkat]] as Trish
* [[w:Josh Brener|Josh Brener]] as Jake Kropotkin

==Shorts==

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
[[Category:Rugrats]]
[[Category:2020s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category 2020s American animated sitcoms]]
[[Category:Paramount+ children's shows]]
[[Category:2020s Nickelodeon original series]]
[[Category:Computer-animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Animated television series reboots]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:American animated sitcoms]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:Nicktoons]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about children]]</text>
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      <text bytes="8319" sha1="ggyzlr1z48pizam69yr571egvtiy9fx" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Rugrats (2021 TV series)|Rugrats]]''''' is an American computer-animated streaming television series and a revival/reboot of the [[Rugrats|television series of the same name]].

{{tv-stub}}

==Season 1==
===''Second Time Around (Episode 1)''===
:'''Tommy''': Tommy: Who wants spring cheese?
:'''Lil''': I'll take that!
:'''Tommy''': And what about mushy taters?
:'''Phil''': Hand 'em over! :''[takes the mashed potatoes and stuffs them in his pants]''
:'''Chuckie''': PHIL!
:'''Phil''': Oh, sorry, Chuckie. Forgotted my manners. Want some?
:'''Susie''': Ooh, these bones look like Spike food! Fetch, Spike!
:'''Angelica''': Hey, you tinkleheads! You better not have eated all the good food!
:'''Tommy''': Uh... Phil has some mushy taters.
:'''Angelica''': You're gonna get in big trouble! What am I saying? You get away with stuff just cause you're babies! Life is so unfair...

===Episode 2===

====''Lady De-Clutter (2.1)''====


====''New Puppy (2.2)''====

===Episode 3===

====''Tail of the Dogbot (3.1)''====

====''Jonathan for a Day (3.2)''====

===Episode 4===

====''One Big Happy Family (4.1)''====

====''The Last Balloon (4.2)''====

===Episode 5===

====''March for Peas (5.1)''====

====''The Two Angelicas (5.2)''====

===Episode 6===

====''No License to Drive (6.1)''====

====''I Dream of Duffy (6.2)''====

===Episode 7===

====''The Fish Stick (7.1)''====

====''The Pickle Barrel (7.2)''====

===Episode 8===

====''The Future Maker (8.1)''====

====''Goodbye Reptar (8.2)''====

===Episode 9===

====''The Bubbe and Zayde Show (9.1)''====

====''The Perfect Myth (9.2)''====

===Episode 10===

====''The Big Diff (10.1)''====

====''Final Eclipse (10.2)''====

===Episode 11===

====''Great Minds Think Alike (11.1)''====

====''Betty and the Beast (11.2)''====

===Episode 12===

====''Escape from Preschool (12.1)''====

====''Mr. Chuckie (12.2)''====

===''The Werewoof Hunter (Episode 13)''===
'''Angelica''': Hey, where'd that Fran Lump go?

'''Chuckie''': Uh, you don't think the books ate her do ya?

'''Angelica''': ''[grabs the book and tears its pages]'' No! She left us 'cause you wobbleheads were talking too much. Now we'll never get to the ball. ''[grumbles as she kicks the book and picks up her bucket]'' MY HALLOWEEN IS RUUINNNEED!!!!

''[The babies race to the balcony]''

'''Tommy''': Uh, we didn't mean to ruin your night, Angelica. If you want, we can still give you our fireflies.

'''Angelica''': Forget it. I wanted to go to a ball and have people bow before me like a queen. Not get stuck with you puny peasants. Now leave me alo-o-o-o-ne!

'''Daxton''': When the moon is full and the wolfsbane blooms, take cover in the night for the werewolf looms.

''[Angelica looks at the moon and her pupils grow big and her shoe rips off revealing her werewolf paw]''

'''Angelica''': ''[as her one of the sleeves from her dress tears revealing fur]'' Hey! What's the big idea? That's my brand new princess dress.

''[the babies gasp]''

'''Angelica''': Uhh! Why's my arm all furry? Ahh! And my teeth all pointy? Whatever's happening to me?! Had better… stop… right… now… or… I'll… I'll… ''[howls as thunder crashes and lightning strikes]''


''[After Tommy puts on the bandage on Angelica's wound, Angelica turns back to her normal self and the babies cheer as they hug her]''

'''Angelica''': Hey, who ripped my princess dress? Ew, my hair smells like dog breath. Why are you yucky babies hugging me? Get off me right now!

''[the babies hear a wolf howling and they hug in fear]''

===''Traditions (Episode 14)''===

===Episode 15===

====''Chuckie vs. the Vacuum (15.1)''====

====''Gone Teddy Gone (15.2)''====

===Episode 16===

====''I, Baby (16.1)''====

====''Fan-Gelica (16.2)''====

===Episode 17===

====''Captain Susie (17.1)''====

====''Bringing Up Daisy (17.2)''====

===Episode 18===

====''Wedding Smashers (18.1)''====

====''House Broken (18.2)''====

===Episode 19===

====''Lucky Smudge (19.1)''====

====''Our Friend Twinkle (19.2)''====

===''Rescuing Cynthia (Episode 20)''===

===Episode 21===

====''Queen Bee (21.1)''====

====''Phone Alone (21.2)''====

===Episode 22===

====''Night Crawler (22.1)''====

====''Golbets &amp; Goblins (22.2)''====

===Episode 23===

====''House of Cardboard (23.1)''====

====''Fluffy Moves In (23.2)''====

===Episode 24===

====''Susie the Artist (24.1)''====

====''A Horse is a Horse (24.2)''====

==Season 2==
===Episode 1===

====''Crossing the Antarctic (1.1)''====


====''Chuckie in Charge (1.2)''====

===Episode 2===

====''Tooth or Share (2.1)''====


====''Moon Story (2.2)''====

===Episode 3===

====''Snake in the Grass (3.1)''====

====''Ancient Treasure (3.2)''====

===''Tot Springs Showdown (Episode 4)''===

===Episode 5===

====''Little Daddy (5.1)''====

====''The Kid (5.2)''====

===Episode 6===

====''Bottles Away (6.1)''====

====''Extra Pickles (6.2)''====

===''Gramping (Episode 7)''===

===Episode 8===

====''The Blob from Outer Space (8.1)''====

====''The Chop (8.2)''====

===Episode 9===

====''Tommy the Giant (9.1)''====

====''Nanny Pip (9.2)''====

===Episode 10===

====''Sir Spike (10.1)''====

====''Rattled (10.2)''====

===Episode 11===

====''Reptar Day! (11.1)''====

====''Mission to the Little (11.2)''====

===Episode 12===

====''Miss Match (12.1)''====

====''Flamingo Dance (12.2)''====

===Episode 13===

====''Baby Talk (13.1)''====

====''Tossed and Found (13.2)''====

===Episode 14===

====''Mini-Mommy (14.1)''====

====''No Talking (14.2)''====

===Episode 15===

====''The Climb (15.1)''====

====''Wolf at the Door (15.2)''====

===Episode 16===

====''Chuckie Little (16.1)''====

====''What's Your Wish?(16.2)''====

===Episode 17===

====''A Scare to Remember (17.1)''====

====''The Long Playdate (17.2)''====

===Episode 18===

====''Guitar Man (18.1)''====

====''Uncle Jake's Day Out (18.2)''====

===Episode 19===

====''Surviving Dil (19.1)''====

====''Reptar's Mama (19.2)''====

===Episode 20===

====''The Heist (20.1)''====

====''The Lambster (20.2)''====

===''Purim (Episode 21)''===

==Cast==
* [[w:Elizabeth Daily|E.G. Daily]] as Tommy Pickles
* [[Nancy Cartwright]] as Chuckie Finster
* [[w:Kath Soucie|Kath Soucie]] as Phil and Lil DeVille
* [[w:Cheryl Chase|Cheryl Chase]] as Angelica Pickles
* [[w:Cree Summer|Cree Summer]] as Susie Carmichael
* [[w:Tara Strong|Tara Strong]] as Dil Pickles
* [[w:Tommy Dewey|Tommy Dewey]] as Stu Pickles
* [[w:Ashley Spillers|Ashley Rae Spillers]] as Didi Pickle
* [[w:Anna Chlumsky|Anna Chlumsky]] as Charlotte Pickles
* [[w:Timothy Simons|Timothy Simons]] as Drew Pickles
* [[w:Natalie Morales (actress)|Natalie Morales]] as Betty DeVille
* [[w:Tony Hale|Tony Hale]] as Chas Finster, 
* [[w:Michael McKean|Michael McKean]] as Grandpa Lou Pickles
* [[w:Nicole Byer|Nicole Byer]] as Dr. Lucy Carmichael
* [[w:Omar Benson Miller|Omar Benson Miller]] as Randy Carmichael
* [[w:Charlet Chung|Charlet Chung]] as Kimi Watanabe
* [[w:Romi Dames|Romi Dames]] as Kira Watanabe
* [[w:Henry Winkler|Henry Winkler]] as Boris Kropotkin
* [[w:Swoosie Kurtz|Swoosie Kurtz]] as Minka Kropotkin
* [[w:Raini Rodriguez|Raini Rodriguez]] as Gabi
* [[w:Keith Carradine|Keith Carradine]] as Bob Brine

===Guest Stars===
* [[w:Jameela Jamil|Jameela Jamil]] as LadyDe-Cultter
* [[w:Raini Rodriguez|Raini Rodriguez]] as Gabi
* [[w:Ben Schwartz|Ben Schwartz]] as Lord Crater
* [[w:Richard Ayoade|Richard Ayoade]] as Duffy
* [[w:Jordin Sparks|Jordin Sparks]] as Tabitha
* [[w:Tori Kelly|Tori Kelly]] as Cynthia
* [[w:Yvette Nicole Brown|Yvette Nicole Brown]] as Miss Mellie 
* [[w:Wendie Malick|Wendie Malick]] as Judith
* [[w:Sarah Niles|Sarah Niles]] as Nanny Pip 
* [[w:Alia Shawkat|Alia Shawkat]] as Trish
* [[w:Josh Brener|Josh Brener]] as Jake Kropotkin

==Shorts==

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
[[Category:Rugrats]]
[[Category:2020s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category|2020s American animated sitcoms]]
[[Category:Paramount+ children's shows]]
[[Category:2020s Nickelodeon original series]]
[[Category:Computer-animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Animated television series reboots]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:American animated sitcoms]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:Nicktoons]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about children]]</text>
      <sha1>ggyzlr1z48pizam69yr571egvtiy9fx</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3942531</id>
      <parentid>3942530</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-05-18T21:32:37Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>~2026-29395-40</username>
        <id>3323054</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* External links */</comment>
      <origin>3942531</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="8310" sha1="2ekny5luwt3y81pp0m1v4q02tj6mqhf" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Rugrats (2021 TV series)|Rugrats]]''''' is an American computer-animated streaming television series and a revival/reboot of the [[Rugrats|television series of the same name]].

{{tv-stub}}

==Season 1==
===''Second Time Around (Episode 1)''===
:'''Tommy''': Tommy: Who wants spring cheese?
:'''Lil''': I'll take that!
:'''Tommy''': And what about mushy taters?
:'''Phil''': Hand 'em over! :''[takes the mashed potatoes and stuffs them in his pants]''
:'''Chuckie''': PHIL!
:'''Phil''': Oh, sorry, Chuckie. Forgotted my manners. Want some?
:'''Susie''': Ooh, these bones look like Spike food! Fetch, Spike!
:'''Angelica''': Hey, you tinkleheads! You better not have eated all the good food!
:'''Tommy''': Uh... Phil has some mushy taters.
:'''Angelica''': You're gonna get in big trouble! What am I saying? You get away with stuff just cause you're babies! Life is so unfair...

===Episode 2===

====''Lady De-Clutter (2.1)''====


====''New Puppy (2.2)''====

===Episode 3===

====''Tail of the Dogbot (3.1)''====

====''Jonathan for a Day (3.2)''====

===Episode 4===

====''One Big Happy Family (4.1)''====

====''The Last Balloon (4.2)''====

===Episode 5===

====''March for Peas (5.1)''====

====''The Two Angelicas (5.2)''====

===Episode 6===

====''No License to Drive (6.1)''====

====''I Dream of Duffy (6.2)''====

===Episode 7===

====''The Fish Stick (7.1)''====

====''The Pickle Barrel (7.2)''====

===Episode 8===

====''The Future Maker (8.1)''====

====''Goodbye Reptar (8.2)''====

===Episode 9===

====''The Bubbe and Zayde Show (9.1)''====

====''The Perfect Myth (9.2)''====

===Episode 10===

====''The Big Diff (10.1)''====

====''Final Eclipse (10.2)''====

===Episode 11===

====''Great Minds Think Alike (11.1)''====

====''Betty and the Beast (11.2)''====

===Episode 12===

====''Escape from Preschool (12.1)''====

====''Mr. Chuckie (12.2)''====

===''The Werewoof Hunter (Episode 13)''===
'''Angelica''': Hey, where'd that Fran Lump go?

'''Chuckie''': Uh, you don't think the books ate her do ya?

'''Angelica''': ''[grabs the book and tears its pages]'' No! She left us 'cause you wobbleheads were talking too much. Now we'll never get to the ball. ''[grumbles as she kicks the book and picks up her bucket]'' MY HALLOWEEN IS RUUINNNEED!!!!

''[The babies race to the balcony]''

'''Tommy''': Uh, we didn't mean to ruin your night, Angelica. If you want, we can still give you our fireflies.

'''Angelica''': Forget it. I wanted to go to a ball and have people bow before me like a queen. Not get stuck with you puny peasants. Now leave me alo-o-o-o-ne!

'''Daxton''': When the moon is full and the wolfsbane blooms, take cover in the night for the werewolf looms.

''[Angelica looks at the moon and her pupils grow big and her shoe rips off revealing her werewolf paw]''

'''Angelica''': ''[as her one of the sleeves from her dress tears revealing fur]'' Hey! What's the big idea? That's my brand new princess dress.

''[the babies gasp]''

'''Angelica''': Uhh! Why's my arm all furry? Ahh! And my teeth all pointy? Whatever's happening to me?! Had better… stop… right… now… or… I'll… I'll… ''[howls as thunder crashes and lightning strikes]''


''[After Tommy puts on the bandage on Angelica's wound, Angelica turns back to her normal self and the babies cheer as they hug her]''

'''Angelica''': Hey, who ripped my princess dress? Ew, my hair smells like dog breath. Why are you yucky babies hugging me? Get off me right now!

''[the babies hear a wolf howling and they hug in fear]''

===''Traditions (Episode 14)''===

===Episode 15===

====''Chuckie vs. the Vacuum (15.1)''====

====''Gone Teddy Gone (15.2)''====

===Episode 16===

====''I, Baby (16.1)''====

====''Fan-Gelica (16.2)''====

===Episode 17===

====''Captain Susie (17.1)''====

====''Bringing Up Daisy (17.2)''====

===Episode 18===

====''Wedding Smashers (18.1)''====

====''House Broken (18.2)''====

===Episode 19===

====''Lucky Smudge (19.1)''====

====''Our Friend Twinkle (19.2)''====

===''Rescuing Cynthia (Episode 20)''===

===Episode 21===

====''Queen Bee (21.1)''====

====''Phone Alone (21.2)''====

===Episode 22===

====''Night Crawler (22.1)''====

====''Golbets &amp; Goblins (22.2)''====

===Episode 23===

====''House of Cardboard (23.1)''====

====''Fluffy Moves In (23.2)''====

===Episode 24===

====''Susie the Artist (24.1)''====

====''A Horse is a Horse (24.2)''====

==Season 2==
===Episode 1===

====''Crossing the Antarctic (1.1)''====


====''Chuckie in Charge (1.2)''====

===Episode 2===

====''Tooth or Share (2.1)''====


====''Moon Story (2.2)''====

===Episode 3===

====''Snake in the Grass (3.1)''====

====''Ancient Treasure (3.2)''====

===''Tot Springs Showdown (Episode 4)''===

===Episode 5===

====''Little Daddy (5.1)''====

====''The Kid (5.2)''====

===Episode 6===

====''Bottles Away (6.1)''====

====''Extra Pickles (6.2)''====

===''Gramping (Episode 7)''===

===Episode 8===

====''The Blob from Outer Space (8.1)''====

====''The Chop (8.2)''====

===Episode 9===

====''Tommy the Giant (9.1)''====

====''Nanny Pip (9.2)''====

===Episode 10===

====''Sir Spike (10.1)''====

====''Rattled (10.2)''====

===Episode 11===

====''Reptar Day! (11.1)''====

====''Mission to the Little (11.2)''====

===Episode 12===

====''Miss Match (12.1)''====

====''Flamingo Dance (12.2)''====

===Episode 13===

====''Baby Talk (13.1)''====

====''Tossed and Found (13.2)''====

===Episode 14===

====''Mini-Mommy (14.1)''====

====''No Talking (14.2)''====

===Episode 15===

====''The Climb (15.1)''====

====''Wolf at the Door (15.2)''====

===Episode 16===

====''Chuckie Little (16.1)''====

====''What's Your Wish?(16.2)''====

===Episode 17===

====''A Scare to Remember (17.1)''====

====''The Long Playdate (17.2)''====

===Episode 18===

====''Guitar Man (18.1)''====

====''Uncle Jake's Day Out (18.2)''====

===Episode 19===

====''Surviving Dil (19.1)''====

====''Reptar's Mama (19.2)''====

===Episode 20===

====''The Heist (20.1)''====

====''The Lambster (20.2)''====

===''Purim (Episode 21)''===

==Cast==
* [[w:Elizabeth Daily|E.G. Daily]] as Tommy Pickles
* [[Nancy Cartwright]] as Chuckie Finster
* [[w:Kath Soucie|Kath Soucie]] as Phil and Lil DeVille
* [[w:Cheryl Chase|Cheryl Chase]] as Angelica Pickles
* [[w:Cree Summer|Cree Summer]] as Susie Carmichael
* [[w:Tara Strong|Tara Strong]] as Dil Pickles
* [[w:Tommy Dewey|Tommy Dewey]] as Stu Pickles
* [[w:Ashley Spillers|Ashley Rae Spillers]] as Didi Pickle
* [[w:Anna Chlumsky|Anna Chlumsky]] as Charlotte Pickles
* [[w:Timothy Simons|Timothy Simons]] as Drew Pickles
* [[w:Natalie Morales (actress)|Natalie Morales]] as Betty DeVille
* [[w:Tony Hale|Tony Hale]] as Chas Finster, 
* [[w:Michael McKean|Michael McKean]] as Grandpa Lou Pickles
* [[w:Nicole Byer|Nicole Byer]] as Dr. Lucy Carmichael
* [[w:Omar Benson Miller|Omar Benson Miller]] as Randy Carmichael
* [[w:Charlet Chung|Charlet Chung]] as Kimi Watanabe
* [[w:Romi Dames|Romi Dames]] as Kira Watanabe
* [[w:Henry Winkler|Henry Winkler]] as Boris Kropotkin
* [[w:Swoosie Kurtz|Swoosie Kurtz]] as Minka Kropotkin
* [[w:Raini Rodriguez|Raini Rodriguez]] as Gabi
* [[w:Keith Carradine|Keith Carradine]] as Bob Brine

===Guest Stars===
* [[w:Jameela Jamil|Jameela Jamil]] as LadyDe-Cultter
* [[w:Raini Rodriguez|Raini Rodriguez]] as Gabi
* [[w:Ben Schwartz|Ben Schwartz]] as Lord Crater
* [[w:Richard Ayoade|Richard Ayoade]] as Duffy
* [[w:Jordin Sparks|Jordin Sparks]] as Tabitha
* [[w:Tori Kelly|Tori Kelly]] as Cynthia
* [[w:Yvette Nicole Brown|Yvette Nicole Brown]] as Miss Mellie 
* [[w:Wendie Malick|Wendie Malick]] as Judith
* [[w:Sarah Niles|Sarah Niles]] as Nanny Pip 
* [[w:Alia Shawkat|Alia Shawkat]] as Trish
* [[w:Josh Brener|Josh Brener]] as Jake Kropotkin

==Shorts==

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
[[Category:Rugrats]]
[[Category:2020s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category|2020s American sitcoms]]
[[Category:Paramount+ children's shows]]
[[Category:2020s Nickelodeon original series]]
[[Category:Computer-animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Animated television series reboots]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:American animated sitcoms]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:Nicktoons]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about children]]</text>
      <sha1>2ekny5luwt3y81pp0m1v4q02tj6mqhf</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3942532</id>
      <parentid>3942531</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-05-18T21:32:51Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>~2026-29395-40</username>
        <id>3323054</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* External links */</comment>
      <origin>3942532</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="8319" sha1="624cz0da85gl78vh4dtgheslizobrcg" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Rugrats (2021 TV series)|Rugrats]]''''' is an American computer-animated streaming television series and a revival/reboot of the [[Rugrats|television series of the same name]].

{{tv-stub}}

==Season 1==
===''Second Time Around (Episode 1)''===
:'''Tommy''': Tommy: Who wants spring cheese?
:'''Lil''': I'll take that!
:'''Tommy''': And what about mushy taters?
:'''Phil''': Hand 'em over! :''[takes the mashed potatoes and stuffs them in his pants]''
:'''Chuckie''': PHIL!
:'''Phil''': Oh, sorry, Chuckie. Forgotted my manners. Want some?
:'''Susie''': Ooh, these bones look like Spike food! Fetch, Spike!
:'''Angelica''': Hey, you tinkleheads! You better not have eated all the good food!
:'''Tommy''': Uh... Phil has some mushy taters.
:'''Angelica''': You're gonna get in big trouble! What am I saying? You get away with stuff just cause you're babies! Life is so unfair...

===Episode 2===

====''Lady De-Clutter (2.1)''====


====''New Puppy (2.2)''====

===Episode 3===

====''Tail of the Dogbot (3.1)''====

====''Jonathan for a Day (3.2)''====

===Episode 4===

====''One Big Happy Family (4.1)''====

====''The Last Balloon (4.2)''====

===Episode 5===

====''March for Peas (5.1)''====

====''The Two Angelicas (5.2)''====

===Episode 6===

====''No License to Drive (6.1)''====

====''I Dream of Duffy (6.2)''====

===Episode 7===

====''The Fish Stick (7.1)''====

====''The Pickle Barrel (7.2)''====

===Episode 8===

====''The Future Maker (8.1)''====

====''Goodbye Reptar (8.2)''====

===Episode 9===

====''The Bubbe and Zayde Show (9.1)''====

====''The Perfect Myth (9.2)''====

===Episode 10===

====''The Big Diff (10.1)''====

====''Final Eclipse (10.2)''====

===Episode 11===

====''Great Minds Think Alike (11.1)''====

====''Betty and the Beast (11.2)''====

===Episode 12===

====''Escape from Preschool (12.1)''====

====''Mr. Chuckie (12.2)''====

===''The Werewoof Hunter (Episode 13)''===
'''Angelica''': Hey, where'd that Fran Lump go?

'''Chuckie''': Uh, you don't think the books ate her do ya?

'''Angelica''': ''[grabs the book and tears its pages]'' No! She left us 'cause you wobbleheads were talking too much. Now we'll never get to the ball. ''[grumbles as she kicks the book and picks up her bucket]'' MY HALLOWEEN IS RUUINNNEED!!!!

''[The babies race to the balcony]''

'''Tommy''': Uh, we didn't mean to ruin your night, Angelica. If you want, we can still give you our fireflies.

'''Angelica''': Forget it. I wanted to go to a ball and have people bow before me like a queen. Not get stuck with you puny peasants. Now leave me alo-o-o-o-ne!

'''Daxton''': When the moon is full and the wolfsbane blooms, take cover in the night for the werewolf looms.

''[Angelica looks at the moon and her pupils grow big and her shoe rips off revealing her werewolf paw]''

'''Angelica''': ''[as her one of the sleeves from her dress tears revealing fur]'' Hey! What's the big idea? That's my brand new princess dress.

''[the babies gasp]''

'''Angelica''': Uhh! Why's my arm all furry? Ahh! And my teeth all pointy? Whatever's happening to me?! Had better… stop… right… now… or… I'll… I'll… ''[howls as thunder crashes and lightning strikes]''


''[After Tommy puts on the bandage on Angelica's wound, Angelica turns back to her normal self and the babies cheer as they hug her]''

'''Angelica''': Hey, who ripped my princess dress? Ew, my hair smells like dog breath. Why are you yucky babies hugging me? Get off me right now!

''[the babies hear a wolf howling and they hug in fear]''

===''Traditions (Episode 14)''===

===Episode 15===

====''Chuckie vs. the Vacuum (15.1)''====

====''Gone Teddy Gone (15.2)''====

===Episode 16===

====''I, Baby (16.1)''====

====''Fan-Gelica (16.2)''====

===Episode 17===

====''Captain Susie (17.1)''====

====''Bringing Up Daisy (17.2)''====

===Episode 18===

====''Wedding Smashers (18.1)''====

====''House Broken (18.2)''====

===Episode 19===

====''Lucky Smudge (19.1)''====

====''Our Friend Twinkle (19.2)''====

===''Rescuing Cynthia (Episode 20)''===

===Episode 21===

====''Queen Bee (21.1)''====

====''Phone Alone (21.2)''====

===Episode 22===

====''Night Crawler (22.1)''====

====''Golbets &amp; Goblins (22.2)''====

===Episode 23===

====''House of Cardboard (23.1)''====

====''Fluffy Moves In (23.2)''====

===Episode 24===

====''Susie the Artist (24.1)''====

====''A Horse is a Horse (24.2)''====

==Season 2==
===Episode 1===

====''Crossing the Antarctic (1.1)''====


====''Chuckie in Charge (1.2)''====

===Episode 2===

====''Tooth or Share (2.1)''====


====''Moon Story (2.2)''====

===Episode 3===

====''Snake in the Grass (3.1)''====

====''Ancient Treasure (3.2)''====

===''Tot Springs Showdown (Episode 4)''===

===Episode 5===

====''Little Daddy (5.1)''====

====''The Kid (5.2)''====

===Episode 6===

====''Bottles Away (6.1)''====

====''Extra Pickles (6.2)''====

===''Gramping (Episode 7)''===

===Episode 8===

====''The Blob from Outer Space (8.1)''====

====''The Chop (8.2)''====

===Episode 9===

====''Tommy the Giant (9.1)''====

====''Nanny Pip (9.2)''====

===Episode 10===

====''Sir Spike (10.1)''====

====''Rattled (10.2)''====

===Episode 11===

====''Reptar Day! (11.1)''====

====''Mission to the Little (11.2)''====

===Episode 12===

====''Miss Match (12.1)''====

====''Flamingo Dance (12.2)''====

===Episode 13===

====''Baby Talk (13.1)''====

====''Tossed and Found (13.2)''====

===Episode 14===

====''Mini-Mommy (14.1)''====

====''No Talking (14.2)''====

===Episode 15===

====''The Climb (15.1)''====

====''Wolf at the Door (15.2)''====

===Episode 16===

====''Chuckie Little (16.1)''====

====''What's Your Wish?(16.2)''====

===Episode 17===

====''A Scare to Remember (17.1)''====

====''The Long Playdate (17.2)''====

===Episode 18===

====''Guitar Man (18.1)''====

====''Uncle Jake's Day Out (18.2)''====

===Episode 19===

====''Surviving Dil (19.1)''====

====''Reptar's Mama (19.2)''====

===Episode 20===

====''The Heist (20.1)''====

====''The Lambster (20.2)''====

===''Purim (Episode 21)''===

==Cast==
* [[w:Elizabeth Daily|E.G. Daily]] as Tommy Pickles
* [[Nancy Cartwright]] as Chuckie Finster
* [[w:Kath Soucie|Kath Soucie]] as Phil and Lil DeVille
* [[w:Cheryl Chase|Cheryl Chase]] as Angelica Pickles
* [[w:Cree Summer|Cree Summer]] as Susie Carmichael
* [[w:Tara Strong|Tara Strong]] as Dil Pickles
* [[w:Tommy Dewey|Tommy Dewey]] as Stu Pickles
* [[w:Ashley Spillers|Ashley Rae Spillers]] as Didi Pickle
* [[w:Anna Chlumsky|Anna Chlumsky]] as Charlotte Pickles
* [[w:Timothy Simons|Timothy Simons]] as Drew Pickles
* [[w:Natalie Morales (actress)|Natalie Morales]] as Betty DeVille
* [[w:Tony Hale|Tony Hale]] as Chas Finster, 
* [[w:Michael McKean|Michael McKean]] as Grandpa Lou Pickles
* [[w:Nicole Byer|Nicole Byer]] as Dr. Lucy Carmichael
* [[w:Omar Benson Miller|Omar Benson Miller]] as Randy Carmichael
* [[w:Charlet Chung|Charlet Chung]] as Kimi Watanabe
* [[w:Romi Dames|Romi Dames]] as Kira Watanabe
* [[w:Henry Winkler|Henry Winkler]] as Boris Kropotkin
* [[w:Swoosie Kurtz|Swoosie Kurtz]] as Minka Kropotkin
* [[w:Raini Rodriguez|Raini Rodriguez]] as Gabi
* [[w:Keith Carradine|Keith Carradine]] as Bob Brine

===Guest Stars===
* [[w:Jameela Jamil|Jameela Jamil]] as LadyDe-Cultter
* [[w:Raini Rodriguez|Raini Rodriguez]] as Gabi
* [[w:Ben Schwartz|Ben Schwartz]] as Lord Crater
* [[w:Richard Ayoade|Richard Ayoade]] as Duffy
* [[w:Jordin Sparks|Jordin Sparks]] as Tabitha
* [[w:Tori Kelly|Tori Kelly]] as Cynthia
* [[w:Yvette Nicole Brown|Yvette Nicole Brown]] as Miss Mellie 
* [[w:Wendie Malick|Wendie Malick]] as Judith
* [[w:Sarah Niles|Sarah Niles]] as Nanny Pip 
* [[w:Alia Shawkat|Alia Shawkat]] as Trish
* [[w:Josh Brener|Josh Brener]] as Jake Kropotkin

==Shorts==

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
[[Category:Rugrats]]
[[Category:2020s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2020s American animated sitcoms]]
[[Category:Paramount+ children's shows]]
[[Category:2020s Nickelodeon original series]]
[[Category:Computer-animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Animated television series reboots]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:American animated sitcoms]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:Nicktoons]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about children]]</text>
      <sha1>624cz0da85gl78vh4dtgheslizobrcg</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3942533</id>
      <parentid>3942532</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-05-18T21:32:59Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>~2026-29395-40</username>
        <id>3323054</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* External links */</comment>
      <origin>3942533</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
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'''''[[w:Rugrats (2021 TV series)|Rugrats]]''''' is an American computer-animated streaming television series and a revival/reboot of the [[Rugrats|television series of the same name]].

{{tv-stub}}

==Season 1==
===''Second Time Around (Episode 1)''===
:'''Tommy''': Tommy: Who wants spring cheese?
:'''Lil''': I'll take that!
:'''Tommy''': And what about mushy taters?
:'''Phil''': Hand 'em over! :''[takes the mashed potatoes and stuffs them in his pants]''
:'''Chuckie''': PHIL!
:'''Phil''': Oh, sorry, Chuckie. Forgotted my manners. Want some?
:'''Susie''': Ooh, these bones look like Spike food! Fetch, Spike!
:'''Angelica''': Hey, you tinkleheads! You better not have eated all the good food!
:'''Tommy''': Uh... Phil has some mushy taters.
:'''Angelica''': You're gonna get in big trouble! What am I saying? You get away with stuff just cause you're babies! Life is so unfair...

===Episode 2===

====''Lady De-Clutter (2.1)''====


====''New Puppy (2.2)''====

===Episode 3===

====''Tail of the Dogbot (3.1)''====

====''Jonathan for a Day (3.2)''====

===Episode 4===

====''One Big Happy Family (4.1)''====

====''The Last Balloon (4.2)''====

===Episode 5===

====''March for Peas (5.1)''====

====''The Two Angelicas (5.2)''====

===Episode 6===

====''No License to Drive (6.1)''====

====''I Dream of Duffy (6.2)''====

===Episode 7===

====''The Fish Stick (7.1)''====

====''The Pickle Barrel (7.2)''====

===Episode 8===

====''The Future Maker (8.1)''====

====''Goodbye Reptar (8.2)''====

===Episode 9===

====''The Bubbe and Zayde Show (9.1)''====

====''The Perfect Myth (9.2)''====

===Episode 10===

====''The Big Diff (10.1)''====

====''Final Eclipse (10.2)''====

===Episode 11===

====''Great Minds Think Alike (11.1)''====

====''Betty and the Beast (11.2)''====

===Episode 12===

====''Escape from Preschool (12.1)''====

====''Mr. Chuckie (12.2)''====

===''The Werewoof Hunter (Episode 13)''===
'''Angelica''': Hey, where'd that Fran Lump go?

'''Chuckie''': Uh, you don't think the books ate her do ya?

'''Angelica''': ''[grabs the book and tears its pages]'' No! She left us 'cause you wobbleheads were talking too much. Now we'll never get to the ball. ''[grumbles as she kicks the book and picks up her bucket]'' MY HALLOWEEN IS RUUINNNEED!!!!

''[The babies race to the balcony]''

'''Tommy''': Uh, we didn't mean to ruin your night, Angelica. If you want, we can still give you our fireflies.

'''Angelica''': Forget it. I wanted to go to a ball and have people bow before me like a queen. Not get stuck with you puny peasants. Now leave me alo-o-o-o-ne!

'''Daxton''': When the moon is full and the wolfsbane blooms, take cover in the night for the werewolf looms.

''[Angelica looks at the moon and her pupils grow big and her shoe rips off revealing her werewolf paw]''

'''Angelica''': ''[as her one of the sleeves from her dress tears revealing fur]'' Hey! What's the big idea? That's my brand new princess dress.

''[the babies gasp]''

'''Angelica''': Uhh! Why's my arm all furry? Ahh! And my teeth all pointy? Whatever's happening to me?! Had better… stop… right… now… or… I'll… I'll… ''[howls as thunder crashes and lightning strikes]''


''[After Tommy puts on the bandage on Angelica's wound, Angelica turns back to her normal self and the babies cheer as they hug her]''

'''Angelica''': Hey, who ripped my princess dress? Ew, my hair smells like dog breath. Why are you yucky babies hugging me? Get off me right now!

''[the babies hear a wolf howling and they hug in fear]''

===''Traditions (Episode 14)''===

===Episode 15===

====''Chuckie vs. the Vacuum (15.1)''====

====''Gone Teddy Gone (15.2)''====

===Episode 16===

====''I, Baby (16.1)''====

====''Fan-Gelica (16.2)''====

===Episode 17===

====''Captain Susie (17.1)''====

====''Bringing Up Daisy (17.2)''====

===Episode 18===

====''Wedding Smashers (18.1)''====

====''House Broken (18.2)''====

===Episode 19===

====''Lucky Smudge (19.1)''====

====''Our Friend Twinkle (19.2)''====

===''Rescuing Cynthia (Episode 20)''===

===Episode 21===

====''Queen Bee (21.1)''====

====''Phone Alone (21.2)''====

===Episode 22===

====''Night Crawler (22.1)''====

====''Golbets &amp; Goblins (22.2)''====

===Episode 23===

====''House of Cardboard (23.1)''====

====''Fluffy Moves In (23.2)''====

===Episode 24===

====''Susie the Artist (24.1)''====

====''A Horse is a Horse (24.2)''====

==Season 2==
===Episode 1===

====''Crossing the Antarctic (1.1)''====


====''Chuckie in Charge (1.2)''====

===Episode 2===

====''Tooth or Share (2.1)''====


====''Moon Story (2.2)''====

===Episode 3===

====''Snake in the Grass (3.1)''====

====''Ancient Treasure (3.2)''====

===''Tot Springs Showdown (Episode 4)''===

===Episode 5===

====''Little Daddy (5.1)''====

====''The Kid (5.2)''====

===Episode 6===

====''Bottles Away (6.1)''====

====''Extra Pickles (6.2)''====

===''Gramping (Episode 7)''===

===Episode 8===

====''The Blob from Outer Space (8.1)''====

====''The Chop (8.2)''====

===Episode 9===

====''Tommy the Giant (9.1)''====

====''Nanny Pip (9.2)''====

===Episode 10===

====''Sir Spike (10.1)''====

====''Rattled (10.2)''====

===Episode 11===

====''Reptar Day! (11.1)''====

====''Mission to the Little (11.2)''====

===Episode 12===

====''Miss Match (12.1)''====

====''Flamingo Dance (12.2)''====

===Episode 13===

====''Baby Talk (13.1)''====

====''Tossed and Found (13.2)''====

===Episode 14===

====''Mini-Mommy (14.1)''====

====''No Talking (14.2)''====

===Episode 15===

====''The Climb (15.1)''====

====''Wolf at the Door (15.2)''====

===Episode 16===

====''Chuckie Little (16.1)''====

====''What's Your Wish?(16.2)''====

===Episode 17===

====''A Scare to Remember (17.1)''====

====''The Long Playdate (17.2)''====

===Episode 18===

====''Guitar Man (18.1)''====

====''Uncle Jake's Day Out (18.2)''====

===Episode 19===

====''Surviving Dil (19.1)''====

====''Reptar's Mama (19.2)''====

===Episode 20===

====''The Heist (20.1)''====

====''The Lambster (20.2)''====

===''Purim (Episode 21)''===

==Cast==
* [[w:Elizabeth Daily|E.G. Daily]] as Tommy Pickles
* [[Nancy Cartwright]] as Chuckie Finster
* [[w:Kath Soucie|Kath Soucie]] as Phil and Lil DeVille
* [[w:Cheryl Chase|Cheryl Chase]] as Angelica Pickles
* [[w:Cree Summer|Cree Summer]] as Susie Carmichael
* [[w:Tara Strong|Tara Strong]] as Dil Pickles
* [[w:Tommy Dewey|Tommy Dewey]] as Stu Pickles
* [[w:Ashley Spillers|Ashley Rae Spillers]] as Didi Pickle
* [[w:Anna Chlumsky|Anna Chlumsky]] as Charlotte Pickles
* [[w:Timothy Simons|Timothy Simons]] as Drew Pickles
* [[w:Natalie Morales (actress)|Natalie Morales]] as Betty DeVille
* [[w:Tony Hale|Tony Hale]] as Chas Finster, 
* [[w:Michael McKean|Michael McKean]] as Grandpa Lou Pickles
* [[w:Nicole Byer|Nicole Byer]] as Dr. Lucy Carmichael
* [[w:Omar Benson Miller|Omar Benson Miller]] as Randy Carmichael
* [[w:Charlet Chung|Charlet Chung]] as Kimi Watanabe
* [[w:Romi Dames|Romi Dames]] as Kira Watanabe
* [[w:Henry Winkler|Henry Winkler]] as Boris Kropotkin
* [[w:Swoosie Kurtz|Swoosie Kurtz]] as Minka Kropotkin
* [[w:Raini Rodriguez|Raini Rodriguez]] as Gabi
* [[w:Keith Carradine|Keith Carradine]] as Bob Brine

===Guest Stars===
* [[w:Jameela Jamil|Jameela Jamil]] as LadyDe-Cultter
* [[w:Raini Rodriguez|Raini Rodriguez]] as Gabi
* [[w:Ben Schwartz|Ben Schwartz]] as Lord Crater
* [[w:Richard Ayoade|Richard Ayoade]] as Duffy
* [[w:Jordin Sparks|Jordin Sparks]] as Tabitha
* [[w:Tori Kelly|Tori Kelly]] as Cynthia
* [[w:Yvette Nicole Brown|Yvette Nicole Brown]] as Miss Mellie 
* [[w:Wendie Malick|Wendie Malick]] as Judith
* [[w:Sarah Niles|Sarah Niles]] as Nanny Pip 
* [[w:Alia Shawkat|Alia Shawkat]] as Trish
* [[w:Josh Brener|Josh Brener]] as Jake Kropotkin

==Shorts==

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
[[Category:Rugrats]]
[[Category:2020s American animated TV shows]]
[[Category:2020s American sitcoms]]
[[Category:Paramount+ children's shows]]
[[Category:2020s Nickelodeon original series]]
[[Category:Computer-animated TV shows]]
[[Category:Animated television series reboots]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy TV shows]]
[[Category:American animated sitcoms]]
[[Category:Cancelled shows]]
[[Category:Nicktoons]]
[[Category:Animated TV shows about children]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Shulamit Aloni</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
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      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>−[[Category:Women from Israel]]; ±[[Category:Women authors]]→[[Category:Women authors from Israel]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]]</comment>
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      <text bytes="5696" sha1="gkcgkxnn3eenq6zituye83p1if6f8bh" xml:space="preserve">[[File:מיכה ינון עם שולמית אלוני ומוטי קירשנבאום.jpg|thumb|Hebrew: Micah Yanon with Minister of Education and Culture Shulamit Aloni and Broadcasting Authority CEO Motti Kirschenbaum (1993)]]
'''[[w:Shulamit_Aloni|Shulamit Aloni]]''' (Hebrew: שולמית אלוני‎; born in Tel Aviv [[29 December]] [[1928]] – [[24 January]] [[2014]]) was an [[Israel]]i politician. She founded the [[w:Ratz (political party)|Ratz]] party, was leader of the [[w:Meretz|Meretz]] party, [[w:Leader of the Opposition (Israel)|Leader of the Opposition]] from 1988 to 1990, and served as [[w:Education Minister of Israel|Minister of Education]] from 1992 to 1993. In 2000, she won the [[w:Israel Prize|Israel Prize]].  She also worked as an attorney and hosted a radio show Outside Working Hours that dealt with human rights and women's rights. She also contributed to several newspapers.

== Quotes ==
* I exist thanks to the decision of my parents, born in [[Poland]], to rebel against the rabbis and immigrate to Israel
*google translate: I exist thanks to the decision of my parents, born in Poland, to rebel against the rabbis and immigrate to Israel
** [https://www.nli.org.il/he/newspapers/dav/1977/10/21/01/article/151?&amp;dliv=none&amp;e=-------he-20--1--img-txIN%7ctxTI--------------]
* We must turn Israel into a state that’s a challenge to world Jewry and not a Vatican. I believe that we don’t want Israel to turn into a ghetto and an [[w:Orthodox_Judaism|Orthodox]] theocratic state. Most of the Israelis reject this way of living. We must have a bill of rights and we must liberate the Israeli woman from the bondage of the religious law
** [https://www.jta.org/archive/special-interview-aloni-warns-that-israel-might-turn-into-a-ghetto-with-an-army-unless-major-chang Special Interview Aloni Warns That Israel Might ‘turn into a Ghetto with an Army’ Unless Major Chang] (8 May 1980)

* On that wonderful and moving day, the State of Israel was announced as a [[democratic]] country that guarantees complete social and political equality of rights for all its [[citizens]], regardless of [[religion]], [[race]], or [[gender]]. All this in the [[Declaration of the Establishment of the State of Israel]] - the declaration that is the founding document of the young country And of the people fighting for their freedom and sovereignty. (google translate)
**ref: From the article: Citizenship in Israel: The vision and its aftermath, December 26, 2010 (google translate)
*** ”באותו יום נפלא ומרגש הוכרז על מדינת ישראל כמדינה דמוקרטית המבטיחה שוויון זכויות חברתי ומדיני גמור לכל אזרחיה בלי הבדל דת, גזע ומין. כל זה ב[[מגילת העצמאות|הכרזה על הקמת מדינת ישראל]] - ההכרזה שהיא המסמך המכונן של המדינה הצעירה ושל העם הנלחם על חירותו ועל ריבונותו.&quot;&lt;ref&gt;מתוך המאמר: אזרחות בישראל: החזון ואחריתו, 26 בדצמבר 2010&lt;/ref&gt; 

* It's a trick, we always use it. When from [[Europe]] somebody is criticizing Israel then we bring up the [[Holocaust]]. When in this country [US] people are criticizing Israel then they are &quot;[[Antisemitism|anti-semitic]]&quot; and the organization is strong and has a lot of money and the ties between Israel and american jewish establishment are very strong and they are strong in this country. As you know, they have power which it's okay, they are talented people and they have power, money and media and other things. And their attitude is &quot;Israel is my country, right or wrong&quot;, the identification, and they are not ready to hear criticism and it's very easy to blame people who criticize certain acts of the Israeli government as anti-semitics and to bring up the Holocaust and the suffering of the [[jewish]] people. And that is to justify everything we do to the Palestinians.
** On [[Anti-Semitism]]. See video in [[w:YouTube|YouTube]]: youtube.com/watch?v=OXO4gyBSqq8&amp;t=3m54s

== Quotes about Aloni ==
*Shas, they're just political gangsters. The problem is that the politicians-[[Shulamit Aloni]], [[Yossi Sarid]], all of them have cushy jobs on the side. They don't truly feel responsible for representing voters, the citizens
**[[Yehuda Amichai]] 1984 interview in ''We Are All Close: Conversations with Israeli Writers'' by [[Haim Chertok]] (1989)

*Do you know, in the month before the Jewish Terror Groups were arrested and indicted, I printed an article, &quot;Messiah or Knesset,&quot; that predicted the existence of such organizations? Shulamit Aloni read it aloud at the Knesset. &quot;If a writer could predict this,&quot; she asked, &quot;why couldn't the authorities?&quot;
**[[Shulamith Hareven]] 1985 interview in ''We Are All Close: Conversations with Israeli Writers'' by [[Haim Chertok]] (1989)

* [in the Labor party] we don’t know what 'I think'  means, we only know what 'we' think
** [[Golda Meir]] [https://jwa.org/encyclopedia/article/aloni-shulamit &quot;Shulamit Aloni December 28, 1927–January 24, 2014&quot;] (23 June 2021)

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Aloni, Shulamit}}
[[Category:1928 births]]
[[Category:2014 deaths]]
[[Category:Jews from Israel]]
[[Category:Government ministers]]
[[Category:Women politicians in Israel]]
[[Category:Lawyers from Israel]]
[[Category:Radio personalities]]
[[Category:Columnists]]
[[Category:Women authors from Israel]]
[[Category:Women in law]]
[[Category:People from Tel Aviv]]
[[Category:Women born in the 1920s]]
&lt;references /&gt;
[[Category:Education ministers]]
[[Category:Science ministers]]
[[Category:Communications and postal ministers]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Lilo &amp; Stitch: The Series (season 1)</title>
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      <comment>/* Mr. Stenchy (Experiment 254) [1.04] */</comment>
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----
[[Stitch! The Movie|Pilot film]] | '''Seasons:''' [[Lilo &amp; Stitch: The Series (season 1)|1]] [[Lilo &amp; Stitch: The Series (season 2)|2]] | [[Leroy &amp; Stitch|Finale film]] | [[Lilo &amp; Stitch: The Series|Main]]
----

== ''Richter (Experiment 513)'' [1.01] ==
:''[Experiment 625 is making a PB&amp;J sandwich, he watches the news on Richter's quakes as Gantu fixes the communicator]''
:'''Gantu''': 625, turn that thing off! I'm trying to get this communication relay online, and you're not helping!
:'''625''': Aw, what's the matter? Can't handle plugging in wires by yourself? At least I'll be ready in case of a sandwich shortage.
:'''Gantu''': Shortage?!
:'''625''': ''[imitates a newsreel fanfare]'' Newsflash from the crash nebula, space whale! There was a quake today! I'm not taking chances. I'm stocking up.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Pleakley''': I've called you all together for an emergency earthquake readiness meeting. Now, planetary shaking is measured on what is called a [[w:Richter Scale|Richter Scale]]. Today's quake was a 5.0, quite moderate and perfectly normal, but a good reminder to us all: be prepared and don't panic! I repeat: DO NOT! PANIC!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''David''': Hey, Lilo, is your sister home?
:'''Lilo''': Yeah, but I don't think she's feeling well. She said something about having a big zit.
:'''Nani''': LILO!! ''[dashes to the front door]'' No! I'm fine.
:'''Lilo''': Well, what were you popping when... ''[Nani covers her mouth until she licks her]''
:'''Nani''': Ugh! ''[chuckles nervously]'' What a darling.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jumba''': ''[explaining Experiment 513]'' Quake today was teensy little jiggle to 513. He is programmed to look for weakest geological point on island, for to make one ginormous evil earthquake! ''[laughs maniacally]'' Most likely, 513 will have to look for big fault at base of volcano. Is imperative that he must never go underground... unless you ''want'' evil quake.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Jumba has converted the family buggy into a giant drilling machine so Lilo and Stitch can hunt down Richter underground]''
:'''Lilo''': Let's go, Stitch. Stitch! 
:''[Stitch is playing around with his new orange ball]''
:'''Jumba''': ''[takes ball]'' 626, what are you playing with? Looks like citrus orb.
:'''Stitch''': Okata! ''[swipes the ball back]''
:'''Lilo''': He doesn't like people touching his orange ball. He's learning how to take care of things.

== ''Phantasmo (Experiment 375)'' [1.02] ==
:''[Lilo, Stitch and the family are enjoying dinner at Macki Macaw's; the animatronic Macki, however, flames up and falls off the perch]''
:'''Jumba''': Primitive Earth entertainment technology. Very entertaining.
:'''Pleakley''': Especially when he entertains by catching on fire. Fascinating.
:''[Stitch gets his glass ready as Pleakley pours soda to the group]''
:'''Lilo''': Wait your turn, Stitch. Macki may be combustibally challenged, but I love this place. It's homey. Why don't we come here more often?
:''[Stitch, patience run out after Pleakley does not pour him any soda, leaps onto the table, chugs the whole pitcher of soda down, and belches loudly]''
:'''Nani''': ''That's'' why.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Nani''': Lilo, have you finished giving him a bath?
:''[Stitch dashes out of the bathroom wearing an inner tube; Lilo begins chasing Stitch around the house; Stitch tries to squeeze through the doggy door, but can't due to his inner tube]''
:'''Lilo''': You know how he is about water. I almost had him lulled into a false sense of security, but then you said the b-word. Never say the b-word!
:'''Nani''': You mean.... &quot;BATH?&quot;
:''[Stitch finally escapes leaving Lilo stuck in the inner tube]''
:'''Lilo''': Why do you torment me?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Lilo''': Pee-yew! How much pizza and soda can one mutant alien wear?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch sees Phantasmo (possessing Scrump) messing with Lilo's movies; he breaks free from the chains and begins attacking Scrump]''
:'''Lilo''': What's all the racket in there? That sounded like... Stitch?!
:''[as Lilo enters the room, Scrump goes into doll mode and Stitch spits it out]''
:'''Stitch''': Stitch not bad! Was scary dolly!
:'''Lilo''': Scrump is very smart, Stitch. But she doesn't go around breaking plates and unscrewing videotapes. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[during Stitch's &quot;trial&quot;]''
:'''Pleakley''': Wasn't it Defendant 626 who chewed off the arm of Mr. Fluffybear here?
:'''Lilo''': Objection! I sewed it back on.
:'''Pleakley''': And how about little Suzy Teaparty? Anybody seen yer head? I haven't, because it's gone!
:'''Lilo''': Objection! Stitch didn't mean to eat. It was a freak accident! He was accidentally hungry.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo, Jumba, and Pleakley are tied by Phantasmo after learning his secret]''
:'''Pleakley''': What does it want?!
:'''Jumba''': 375 has advanced programming. Now that we have learned his secret, he will probably get rid of us.
:''[Phantasmo possesses Scrump and picks up Jumba's gun]''
:'''Jumba''': Don't worry. The weapon is only loaded with net.
:''[Phantasmo replaces the net cartridge with another]''
:'''Jumba''': Ah! He has replaced net with my new laser cartridge! I am so proud of his smartness!
:'''Lilo''': I'm not.
:'''Pleakley''': And I'm just gonna faint. I'm too terrified to faint. How about if I just scream? '''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Nani''': So I hear there's an experiment out there that takes over inanimate objects?
:'''Lilo''': Yep, makes it look like other ''innocent'' experiments did bad stuff when they didn't do anything wrong at all.
:'''Nani''': Okay, I get it. My bad.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after Phantasmo finds his one true place as possessing Macki Macaw to entertain]''
:'''Nani''': I owe you both an apology. I was wrong about you. Innocent until proven guilty. I'm old enough to know that. I'm sorry.
:'''Lilo''': ''[whispers something into Stitch's ear]'' Okay, we'll forgive your behavior on one condition.
:'''Stitch''': Nani buys games and pizza!
:'''Nani''': ''[chuckles]'' I guess that's fair.

== ''Clip (Experiment 177)'' [1.03] ==
:''[Lilo and Stitch are at a beauty salon]''
:'''Lilo''': Now, pay attention, Stitch. To fit in on Earth, you need to be obsessed with how you look. ''[gesturing to two men who are mud-bathing]'' People come from all over to soak in this mud. They wanna be like pigs. Go ahead.
:''[Stitch grabs a handful of mud and shoves into his mouth, and then spits out on Lilo; Lilo then tries to throw the mud at Stitch, causing a large mud fight that messes up the entire beauty salon]''
:'''Salon Owner''': ''[comes through the door]'' Stop right there! Oh, just look at this mess! 
:'''Lilo''': Yeah, you really need to sweep all that hair.
:'''Salon Owner''': Not the hair! THE MUD!!
:''[Lilo hangs her head sadly; Stitch, however, looks at the owner angrily]''
:'''Stitch''': Agata! ''[throws mud at the owner]''
:''[Lilo and Stitch then run out of the salon]''
:'''Salon Owner''': And stay out! 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch bring Clip home]''
:'''Jumba''': ''[screams]'' Keep that thing away from me!
:'''Lilo''': Cute little Clip?
:'''Jumba''': Is not cute! Is Experiment #177, and is very dangerous.
:'''Lilo''': She doesn't look dangerous.
:'''Jumba''': Ah, but looks can be deceiving. You see it was many years ago, when my head was overflowing with evil ideas...
:''[a flashback shows a younger Jumba with long black flowing hair]''
:'''Jumba''': ''[voice-over]'' ...and healthy luxuriant hair follicles. I had devised Experiment 177, the Uburnium Eater!
:''[flashback then shows a space-style gas station selling Uburnium]''
:'''Jumba''': Uburnium is the most powerful and economical fuel source in all of universe! My Ubernium Eater would spark an insurmountable fuel price! 
:''[the flashback shows the price sign for Uburnium go higher until it explodes]''
:'''Jumba''': Unfortunately, in the language of Kweltiquan, word for &quot;Uburnium&quot; is same as word for &quot;hair&quot;. I did not realize mistake until... too late! I had accidentally created Hair Eater!
:''[flashback then shows young Jumba activating 177 for the first time; Clip comes to life and immediately eats all of Jumba's hair; back to present]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Mertle Edmonds and the other hula girls exit the salon; Lilo hides the box Clip is in by sitting on it]''
:'''Mertle''': Hey, Weirdlo! I didn't know you got your hair cut here!
:'''Lilo''': I don't.
:'''Mertle''': Of course you don't. They never even let you in the door with that mess.
:'''Lilo''': I like my hair!
:'''Mertle''': You would! Maybe you should try this. ''[hands Lilo a bottle of hair conditioner]'' You'll need it more than I do.
:'''Lilo''': Wow! For me? &quot;Hair Conditioner: For Taming Wild Unruly Hair?!&quot; Hey!
:'''Mertle''': Don't be jealous. Not everyone can have perfect hair like me, especially not you.
:'''Yuki, Teresa, and Elena''': ''YYYYYEEEEEAAAAAHHHH!''
:''[the girls laugh as they leave]''
:'''Lilo''': Mertle needs to be punished.
:'''Stitch''': Yeah! Ih!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch sneak into Mertle's backyard dressed as cat burglars]''
:'''Lilo''': ''[imitates radio static]'' Black Cat to Mutant Dog. Black Cat to Mutant Dog. Come in, Mutant Dog. Stitch! That's you!
:'''Stitch''': Oh, me?
:'''Lilo''': When I say &quot;Black Cat&quot;, you're supposed to answer &quot;Mutant Dog&quot;. It's cat burglar code. Black Cat to...
:'''Stitch''': Mutant Dog.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Clip escapes from Gantu by boarding a bus]''
:'''Gantu''': ''[growls with rage]'' Hairball! I am Gantu! Former captain of the Galactic Alliance! Conqueror of Paskimerus Militia! AND VAN GUARD COMMANDER OF BLACK OOL OPS! '''YOU WILL NOT ESCAPE ME!!!!'''
:''[pause as three little kids stare at him in fright]''
:'''Gantu''': I mean, I... missed my bus.
:''[the kids run away screaming; then it begins to rain]''
:'''Gantu''': Oh, blitznak!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Pleakley puts a large rainbow Afro wig on Jumba]''
:'''Pleakley''': This spectral diffraction style is very popular on Earth, particularly of amid followers of team sports. There! What do you think?
:'''Jumba''': I look like large furry lollipop.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo, Stitch, and Jumba are talking to Mrs. Edmonds after startling her]''
:'''Lilo''': So you're not mad at us for scaring us like that?
:'''Mrs. Edmonds''': Oh, no! Actually it was kinda exhilarating, in a frightening I-don't-know-what's-going-on sort of way.
:'''Lilo''': I'm sorry about what happened to your hair.
:'''Mrs. Edmonds''': Don't be sorry. I love it. If you ever find that little furball you're looking for, I'm going to thank it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after Mrs. Edmonds calls Jumba handsome, making him happy, his hair suddenly grows back]''
:'''Mrs. Edmonds''': Wow! That what I call a spontaneous something or other!
:'''Jumba''': My hair! It has returned! &lt;big&gt; I... HAVE... '''HAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Lilo''': Inside voice, Uncle Jumba.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu dances in a hula concert; Hämsterviel calls]''
:'''Hämsterviel''': Gantu?! What is going on?! Gantu?! What's that music?!
:''[Gantu throws his phone into a nearby punch bowl]''
:'''Hämsterviel''': '''GAAAAAAANNNNTUUUUUUUUUUUh!!!!'''

== ''Mr. Stenchy (Experiment 254)'' [1.04] ==
:''[Gantu returns to his ship after failing to capture Experiment 254]''
:'''Hämsterviel''': Well, where is my stink bomb?!
:'''Gantu''': I'm afraid the little girl and the abomination...
:'''Hämsterviel''': Again?! You with your large stomping feet and shooting blaster can't get one experiment from a little girl?! Tell me how lame you are! TELL ME!!!
:'''625''': Whoa! Hmm, well, there's no right answer there. I'd put it somewhere in the S's between &quot;Shockingly lame&quot; and &quot;Stunningly lame&quot;.
:'''Gantu''': Please. I'm having a meeting.
:'''Hämsterviel''': Stop it with the not paying attention to me! Now get that experiment before I come there and nibble your flabby knuckles, you blue-tinted, offspring of a fish!
:'''Gantu''': Yessir!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Mertle and the girls walk by as Lilo and Stitch refuel their buggy]''
:'''Elena''': Hey, there's Lilo! Should we invite her too?
:'''Mertle''': Weirdlo? No way. Why would we want her to come?
:'''Lilo''': Hey, guys. Wanna see my new...
:'''Mertle''': No.
:'''Lilo''': I didn't even say what it was yet.
:'''Mertle''': The answer is still no.
:'''Lilo''': Okay. If you don't want to see the cutest thing ever.
:'''Mertle''': If you think bugs are cute, I bet whatever it is, it's ugly!
:'''Lilo''': Yeah, well, you're wrong! He's even cuter than a potato...
:'''Elena''': Cuter than a potato?
:''[Mertle and the girls turn their attention to 254; they run up to his container to get a closer look]''
:'''Elena''': Look at him! He ''is'' cuter than a potato!
:'''Yuki''': I want one!
:'''Lilo''': I knew you'd like him!
:'''Mertle''': Ahem! ''[the girls huddle up with Mertle and they whisper something to each other, and then turn to Lilo]'' You are formally invited to the FHGH tea party tomorrow.
:'''Lilo''': Really? &lt;big&gt;'''''YAAAAY!!'''''&lt;/big&gt; Um, what's that?
:'''Mertle''': It's stands for &quot;Future Hawaiian Girls of Hawaii&quot;. But you can only come if you bring him.
:'''Lilo''': Okay!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch take 254 to their house]''
:'''Jumba''': Yes, 254 is designed to be irresistible.
:''[254 gives a record to Stitch; Stitch angrily grabs the record and places 254 on it and makes it spin on Lilo's record player]''
:'''Jumba''': Of course, other experiments are immune to his charms.
:'''Pleakley''': ''[picks up 254]'' Well, I think he's absolutely precious, not at all like the little monster.
:''[Stitch growls with rage]''
:'''Jumba''': ''[takes 254]'' Uh, is best not being attached. It may look harmless, but in reality, is a ticking stink bomb.
:'''Lilo''': Stink bomb? This little guy?
:'''Jumba''': Very soon, it will emit odor so noxious, will make 40 square mile area uninhabitable for decades! ''[laughs maniacally]'' But yes, is cute as garment fastener.
:'''Pleakley''': But he smells okay now.
:'''Jumba''': 254 is programmed to start his stinking 42 hours after activation to allow to time to infiltrate target. Problem is we have no way of knowing when he was activated.
:''[Stitch angrily has 254 tied up]''
:'''Pleakley''': Is the smell really that bad?
:'''Jumba''': ''[chuckles]'' Trust me. He'll have you losing many lunches with disgusting stench!
:'''Lilo''': ''[unties 254]'' Well, that's what I'm naming him: Mr. Stenchy! And I don't care how much he reeks. I'm keeping him.
:''[Stitch, shocked and angered by Lilo's words, screams into a pillow]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch pins down Gantu and aims his own laser gun at him]''
:'''Stitch''': Nala kweesta! Ha-ha!
:'''Gantu''': One day, you'll fail to protect one of those experiments! And I will take it away forever!
:'''Stitch's Shoulder Devil''': Ichiba!
:'''Stitch's Other Shoulder Devil''': Ih! Ih! Keeba! ''[the both vanish]''
:'''Stitch''': ''[chuckles sinisterly]'' La-dee-da-dee! ''[tosses Gantu's gun]'' Oopsie!


&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[After Gantu explains to Lilo how Stitch locked Mr. Stenchy in the pantry...]''
:'''Lilo''': ''[to Stitch]'' You mean... You did?
:'''Stitch''': ''[remorseful]'' Uh-huh.
:'''Lilo''': But why? Were you jealous of Mr. Stenchy?
:'''Stitch''': Ehh. ''(Translation: Yes.)''
:'''Lilo''': Okay, I'll forgive you for locking Mr. Stenchy in the pantry if you forgive me for letting him hog all the love. I mean, jealousy stinks, but we're still friends.
:'''Stitch''': ''[after a moment]'' ''[accepting]'' Okay.

== ''Holio (Experiment 606)'' [1.05] ==

:'''Lilo''': Stupid ball.
:'''Officer Kahiko''': It's only Lilo and her dog.
:'''Leilani''': ''[annoyed]'' Ugh! Lilo again?! You should do something about that ''kalohe.''
:'''Officer Kahiko''': Like, put her in the big house?
:'''Leilani''': Would do her some good. That dog, too!
:'''Mrs. Edmonds''': Excuse me! Hi. I'm looking for something for my daughter. It's her birthday tomorrow.
:'''Leilani''': How 'bout this? ''[holds out a gold bracelet]'' I just made it yesterday, one of my best. ''[unaware with Experiment 606's pod on it as a charm]''
:'''Mrs. Edmonds''': Oh, it's perfect!
:'''Officer Kahiko''': How's it, Lilo?
:'''Lilo''': Oh, Officer Kahiko. I know the drill: I have the right to remain silent. Whatever I say...
:'''Officer Kahiko''': Very funny. ''[notices Lilo's football made of seaweed]'' What you got there?
:'''Lilo''': Football. We're on a budget.
:'''Officer Kahiko''': Lilo, I know you were just playing, but your dog wrecked Leilani's jewelry table. Auntie's on a fixed income. She don't need you causing trouble. Does your sister know you're here?
:'''Lilo''': Uh, no. But I'll tell her when I get home, okay?
:'''Officer Kahiko''': No worries. I got her on speed dial. ''[pulls out his phone]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Pleakley is doing yoga]''
:'''Jumba''': What are you doing?
:'''Pleakley''': Yoga, an ancient Earth discipline that's wonderful exercise for both body and mind. You should try it instead of stuffing yourself with all that flesh-based food.
:'''Jumba''': Hey, I am liking flesh-based food!
:'''Pleakley''': Suit yourself. But since I stopped eating anything with a face, I feel cleansed and rejuvenated.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:'''Mertle''': Everybody, I have an announcement to make. ''[clears throat]'' Ahem. Tomorrow is the most important day of the year: my birthday! I'm having a super special birthday party! ''[gives out birthday invitations only to Yuki, Teresa, and Elena]'' Oh, look. No more invitations.
:'''Lilo''': Well, that's okay. I wouldn't wanna come to your party anyway. Not with... that thing out there!
:'''Elena''': What thing?
:'''Lilo''': You mean to tell me that you've never heard of the... um... ''[notices a gecko]'' Geckoliki?
:'''Elena''': No!
:'''Teresa''': Uh-uh!
:'''Yuki''': What is it?
:'''Lilo''': It's an ugly horrible creature, whose soul purpose is to devour birthday cake and partygoers with its bloody fangs!
:'''Mertle''': That's the stupidest thing I ever heard! And just for that, you're even more not invited now! Come on, girls! ''[she and the other girls leave]''
:'''Lilo''': Alright, but you'll be sorry! The Geckoliki is hungry for blood! AND FROSTING!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:'''Lilo''': As soon as I put on this costume, it's hello, Geckoliki, and goodbye party. Now hold still, ok? ''[Stitch gets under her as they dress up as the Geckoliki; spookily]'' Ooh! I am the Geckoliki! Surrender now or face my slimy wrath!
:'''Teresa''': The Geckoliki!
:''[Mertle and her friends scream in terror and run for it]''
:'''Stitch''': ''[peeks through the fence hole and spots a plate of coconut cupcakes on the table]'' Ooh! Coconut cupcake! ''[bursts through the fence]''
:'''Lilo''': Stitch, no! ''[falls off of Stitch and lands in the pool]''
:''[The girls watch from the bushes, seeing Stitch scarfing down the cupcakes, still in the Geckoliki costume]''
:'''Teresa''': The Geckoliki is after our blood! And frosting!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[After Nani bring Lilo and Stitch both back home from &quot;crashing&quot; Mertle's birthday party]''
:'''Lilo''': I'm telling you, there's an experiment pod on Mertle Edmonds' new bracelet that she got for her birthday.
:'''Jumba''': Did you see number?
:'''Lilo''': That's what I was trying to do when Mrs. Edmonds dragged me off Mertle.
:''[Pleakley can be heard chanting before Nani and Jumba see him with his body twisted]''
:'''Pleakley''': Oh, hello, fellow spirit beings. I hope my chanting wasn't bothering you.
:'''Nani''': Pleakley, are you alright?
:'''Pleakley''': Hmm? Oh, I'm incredible. Really, truly. It's so amazing. Yes, at first I was in excruciating pain, but it was all part of the process. Once I transcended that, I realized that the pain was just an illusion.
:'''Jumba''': You have got to be kidding me! ''[grabs Pleakley and stretches his legs]'' Pain is only illusion! Ha!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Stitch goes into the pet shop, alone, disguised as a bunny, to see the number on the experiment pod on Mertle's bracelet as she and her friends enter while Lilo hides in the backseat of a police car to try and stay out of trouble]''
:'''Stitch''': ''[through walkie-talkie] Experiment 606.''
:'''Lilo''': ''[opens up Jumba's computer and searches up Experiment 606; horrified]'' Oh, no. ''[on walkie-talkie]'' Stitch. Come in, Stitch! Experiment 606 is a black hole that will suck in the ''whole'' world!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Lilo''': ''[shouting out to Mertle in warning about not getting the experiment pod wet as Nani drags her away]'' Don't get it wet! It'll destroy everything!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Pleakley is still doing yoga while Jumba is eating a pastrami sandwich]''
:'''Pleakley''': Do you mind? I'm trying to become one with the universe.
:'''Jumba''': And I am trying to become one with pastrami sandwich!
:'''Lilo''': Mertle Edmonds has activated Experiment 606!
:'''Jumba''': Oh, whee! I was hoping she would try!
:'''Lilo''': Now, it's gonna suck the whole universe to a big black hole!
:'''Pleakley''': You say, &quot;black hole&quot;?
:'''Lilo''': Yep.
:'''Pleakley''': ''[suddenly panics]'' THERE'S NO ESCAPE FROM AN ASTRONOMICAL EVENT LIKE THAT!! To think, the universe is ending, and all I was worried about was eternal wisdom?! If this is my last day on Earth, I'm eating pastrami! ''[grabs Jumba's sandwich and eats it]''

== ''Spooky (Experiment 300)'' [1.06: Halloween Special]==

:''[Lilo arrives at the Halloween party dressed up as a dead hula girl with scary makeup and a fake axe on her head, frightening all the other guests]''
:'''Moses''': Lilo, your costume…
:'''Lilo''': Isn't it cool? Watch this! ''[twangs her axe handle]''
:'''Moses''': Yes, but… Well, maybe you should change it to something more like... like what your friends are wearing. ''[gestures to Mertle and the girls; who are all dressed up like princesses]''
:'''Lilo''': Princess, princess, princess, or princess?
:'''Mertle''': At least we're not a weirdo, weirdo, weirdo, or ''weirdo''!
:'''Yuki, Teresa and Elena''': ''YYYYEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH!!''
:'''Lilo''': Okay. I'll be a princess, too.
:'''Moses''': Good idea. ''[as Lilo leaves]'' You go home, change, and then come back.
:'''Mertle''': Or go home, change, and ''don't'' come back!
:''[Moses sighs]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Jumba is dressed up as [[w:Julius Caesar|Julius Caesar]]]''
:'''Jumba''': I am absolutely refusing to be wearing this! It's too itchy! ''[he scratches so rigorously that his belly soon comes through]'' And that is least of problems!
:'''Pleakley''': ''[Dressed as [[w:Cleopatra|Cleopatra]]]'' But you have to wear it! The Queen of the Nile demands it! Besides, I am not missing out on trick-or-treating on my first night of Heelowatty!
:'''Lilo''': It's pronounced &quot;Halloween&quot;. I need a new costume: a princess. Can you make it quick?
:'''Pleakley''': Can I? Well, let me tell you I have the fastest fingers in my primitive Earth custom: fleeced and pinking shears class.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Stitch has been scared stiff after Experiment 300 turned into his worst fear: water; Lilo appears and the water drains into the ventilation shaft]''
:'''Lilo''': Stitch, what happened?
:'''Stitch''': Hissing green eyes! Hissing green eyes! Hissing green eyes!
:'''Lilo''': You're not scared, are you?
:'''Stitch''': ''[pause]'' Naga!
:'''Lilo''': Elena said something about hissing green eyes, too.
:''[Stitch shudders in fright]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Jumba and Pleakley are dressed as the main characters of [[w:Gone with the Wind|Gone with the Wind]]]''
:'''Pleakley''': I do declare, we look simply marvelous! Don't we look marvelous? I think we do!
:'''Jumba''': Frankly, my dear, I am not giving darn. I hate this costume!
:'''Pleakley''': Fine, I'll just start over then! A whole new concept! I'm thinking... sequins, satin, Spain! I got it! Matador! Ole!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Experiment 300 shows up at the Pelekai house, as Nani's worst fear: Cobra Bubbles, wanting to take Lilo away from her]''
:'''Nani''': You can't take her away from me! She needs me! I thought we worked this out.
:'''Cobra''': ''[as Lilo and Stitch return home]'' I'm… s-s-s-s-sorry.
:''[Lilo sees &quot;Cobra&quot;, throws her fake axe at him, knocking off his sunglasses, with green eyes, then charges at him and grabs him by the ankle]''
:'''Nani''': Lilo!
:'''Jumba''': ''[hearing the crashing sound]'' What is that?
:'''Nani''': Lilo, no! Have you gone ''lolo?!'' Lilo! ''[screams in horror as &quot;Cobra&quot; morphs back into Experiment 300]'' Who… ''what'' is that?!
:'''Lilo''': Experiment 300! But I'm calling him, Spooky!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Spooky turns into Pleakley's worst fear: his mother]''
:'''Pleakley's Mother''': Pleakley, is that you?! ''[stepping out of the shadows]'' How come you never call?!
:'''Pleakley''': MOTHER!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Spooky, as Pleakley's mother, scolds Pleakley as he sobs]''
:'''Pleakley's Mother''': I give you the best years of my life, and this is the thanks I get?!
:'''Jumba''': Oh, no! Is Pleakley's worst fear. ''[Spooky then turns into his worst fear: his ex-wife]'' Ahhh! Is my worst fear: ex-wife!
:'''Jumba's Ex-Wife''': When are you getting a real job?! Is like you never help around house!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Lilo, Stitch and Spooky are giving treats to trick-or-treaters]''
:'''Nani''': Lilo, what's going on here?
:'''Lilo''': Halloween. Watch.
:''[One kid gets ready for candy and Spooky turns into his worst fear: a giant python]''
:'''Kid''': Ah-ha-ha! I hate snakes!
:'''Stitch''': Taka! ''[gives the kid a handful of candy]''
:'''Kid''': Man, this is the coolest house in the whole neighborhood!
:'''Lilo''': ''[to Spooky]'' Yeah, I'll know you around Haunted House, where you will fit in just fine.

== ''Cannonball (Experiment 520)'' [1.07] ==

:'''Hämsterviel''': Contact Gantu.
:'''Gantu''': Yes, Dr. Hämsterviel?
:'''Hämsterviel''': Explain to me, you overgrown sea bass, why mechanic hamster on cam holds no evil genetic experiments?
:'''Gantu''': There haven't been any experiments activated recently…
:'''Computer''': ''Warning: Experiment 520 activated.''
:'''Gantu''': ...until now.
:'''Hämsterviel''': Mmm-hmm, and, uh, what are you waiting for? '''''GET IT AND SEND IT TO ME!!!'''''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Lilo and Stitch are drawing ideas for the upcoming Aloha Sand-Sculpting Contest]''
:'''Lilo''': How are your Aloha designs coming, Stitch?
:'''Stitch''': ''[shows her a drawing of Mertle being zapped by a UFO]'' Eebah. ''[shows another drawing of Mertle being chased by a dinosaur]'' Zeebah. ''[shows one more drawing of Mertle being chased by the Grim Reaper]'' Keebah!
:'''Lilo''': ''[chuckles]'' Stitch, that's mean. Moses is right. We ''don't'' know what ''aloha'' means.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[David and Nani take Lilo to the Birds of Paradise Pool]''
:'''David''': Don't worry. I know how to cheer a sad Lilo.
:'''Nani''': But, David, the pool at Birds of Paradise is for hotels guests only! There are, like, ten signs!
:'''David''': Relax, Nani. I was here yesterday, and I figured out their system: All the hotel guests have special blue towels, and so do we.
:''[scene cuts to them relaxing by the pool]''
:'''David''': See? Instant vacation!
:'''Lilo''': Come on, Stitch! Photo safari! ''[they both leave to take pictures of the tourists]''
:'''Nani''': Are you sure this is okay?
:'''David''': Relax. Lilo and I sneak in here all the time.
:'''Nani''': You ''what?!''
:'''David''': Just chill out and enjoy your... ''[Mr. Jameson appears]'' Uh, honeymoon! Sweetheart! ''[hugs Nani]''
:'''Mr. Jameson''': Hello, sir, ma'am. Are you guests here?
:'''David''': Uh, yeah!
:'''Mr. Jameson''': And what's your room number?
:'''Nani''': 257!
:'''David''': 319!
:''[they both look at each other]''
:'''David''': 257!
:'''Nani''': 319! Uh, 257!
:'''Mr. Jameson''': Mmm-hmm. Well, we don't have a Room 319,257! And besides, today is ''red'' towel day, not blue!
:'''David''': ''[chuckles nervously as Nani glares at him]'' Busted.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Nani arrives home while Pleakley mops the kitchen floor]''
:'''Nani''': Where's Lilo? Is she here?
:'''Pleakley''': No, but a freshly mopped floor was here! Apparently, it just left!
:''[Lilo and Stitch arrive]''
:'''Nani''': Lilo! Are you alright?
:'''Lilo''': I'm fine! But Stitch and me need to borrow your car!
:'''Nani''': My car? Are you lolo?! 
:'''Lilo''': Stitch could drive!
:'''Nani''': He doesn't have a license!
:'''Stitch''': ''[pulls out his collar and license]'' Chuwapa!
:'''Nani''': Sorry. We only have one working car, and I need it for work!
:'''Lilo''': But there's an experiment loose!
:'''Nani''': It can find its own ride! I have to get to the rental hut. Business is way off, and old man Juan is getting grouchy.
:'''Lilo''': But--
:'''Nani''': I'll be home after work! ''[leaves]''
:'''Jumba''': Uh, little girl, is my hearing correct? One of my precious creations is running about free?
:'''Lilo''': Yeah. It likes water and it has a really big butt. ''[opens the doggy door]'' ''JUST LIKE MY SISTER!!''
:'''Nani''': Hey!
:'''Jumba''': Experiment that is liking water and having large posterior. Ah! That would be 520! ''[chuckles]'' I was true evilling genius that day. 520 turns any body of water into giant destructive wave!
:'''Lilo''': It keeps trying to get to the ocean.
:'''Jumba''': That I'd like to be seeing! Would make wave so big, whole planet will be destructed! ''[laughs maniacally until he notices Lilo glaring at him]'' Oh, it would be bad thing, yes?
:'''Lilo''': Hello?! Just think of all the jellyfish! No jellyfish, no jelly, no PB&amp;J! 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Gantu hops back to his ship after Stitch immobilized him with life preservers]''
:'''Gantu''': 625! ''[hops into the main room but fall over]''
:'''625''': Whoa! Rough day? Whoo! You look like last week's lettuce!
:'''Gantu''': Get a blaster! Hurry!
:'''625''': ''[grabs a blaster]'' Okay, now what?
:'''Gantu''': Cut me free, you insipid trog!
:'''625''': You're in luck, fish breath. I took a class in advanced applied blasting. ''[fires the blaster]''
:'''Gantu''': Hey!
:'''625''': Oops! ''[fires the blaster again]''
:'''Gantu''': Careful!
:'''625''': Sorry! ''[fires the blaster once more]''
:'''Gantu''': Ow!
:'''625''': Stop squirming!
:'''Gantu''': Ooh!
:'''625''': My bad.
:'''Gantu''': You almost vaporized me!
:'''625''': Oh, yeah? That's what my teacher used to say!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[After 520 creates a giant wave to wash away Gantu]''
:'''Lilo''': I'm gonna name you, Cannonball, because you like to make waves.
:'''Cannonball''': Nagachu!
:'''Moses''': Congratulations, Lilo! ''[places the first place ribbon on Lilo's sand sculpture]'' Mertle's design is good, too, but you showed more aloha today. ''[gestures to the giant &quot;ALOHA&quot; signature on the tower]''
:'''Lilo''': Awesome!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Gantu wakes up after being washed away by Cannonball]''
:'''Gantu''': Huh?! [[w:San Francisco|San Francisco]]?! Oh, dumb blitznak!

== ''Yapper (Experiment 007 a.k.a. Gigi)'' [1.08] ==
:''[Lilo goes through a shopping list while Stitch carries the groceries]''
:'''Lilo''': That's it: Eggs, bread, peanut butter... Didn't we buy this stuff two days ago?
:'''Stitch''': ''[eats the whole grocery bag]'' Kinjiju ichay!
:'''Lilo''': Oh, right. You ate everything.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch goes crazy after eating a whole barrel full of [[w:Kona Coffee|Kona coffee beans]] and chugs down water from a fire hydrant]''
:'''Mertle''': Looks like your weird dog needs to go to obedient school.
:'''Yuki, Teresa and Elena''': ''YYYYEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!''
:'''Lilo''': Stitch ''is'' obedient! He just has a problem with coffee. Stitch! Shut it off!
:''[Stitch twists the hydrant and puts the valve back on]''
:'''Lilo''': ''[notices Mertle's new [[w:Shih-Tzu|Shih-Tzu]]]'' You have a dog?
:'''Mertle''': We prefer the term, &quot;fur-person&quot;. I found her. Her name is Gigi. She's going to the National Junior Dog Show in Honolulu this weekend.
:''[As Stitch goes near Gigi, she yaps loudly at him]''
:'''Stitch''': Hmmm...
:'''Mertle''': But ''you'' wouldn't know anything about dog shows!
:'''Lilo''': I know ''everything'' about dog shows!
:''[a chomp is heard and Lilo sees that Stitch has swallowed Gigi alive; Mertle screams]''
:'''Lilo''': Stitch! ''[pulls Gigi out of Stitch's mouth and gives her back to Mertle]'' Sorry. It's the coffee.
:'''Mertle''': ''[gasps]'' Gigi's clauffeur! ''[Lilo pull's Gigi's bow out of Stitch's mouth]'' Found it! ''[puts the bow back on Gigi]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Jumba and Pleakley agrees to take Lilo to Honolulu to enter in the dog show]''
:'''Nani''': You promise to watch her?
:'''Jumba''': As if she were precious treasure. Crossing my heart.
:'''Pleakley''': And I will make sure she brushes her teeth and wears her seatbelt and never talks to rangers!
:'''Nani''': Strangers!
:'''Pleakley''': No strangers? But some of the most interesting people to talk to are stran... ''[Nani glares at him angrily]'' Right! No strangers!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu gears up to capture another experiment]''
:'''625''': Hey, going out to capture a useless experiment, huh?
:'''Gantu''': Useless, perhaps, but this one should be easy.
:'''625''': Yeah, right, halibut head! That's what you said about the other two or three dozen!
:'''Gantu''': Ah, but I have a new strategy: Since the little girl and the abomination always seem one step ahead of me, I'll simply follow them! ''[laughs but then hears thunder]'' Ah, thundershower! Hmm, maybe Hämsterviel doesn't need this experiment. He's in jail anyway. How would he find out if...
:'''625''': ''[talking to Hämsterviel]'' That's exactly what he said, sir: &quot;Maybe Hämsterviel doesn't ''need'' this experiment!&quot; ''[Gantu angrily glares at 625]'' Don't forget your umbrella!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after the gang land in Honolulu, courtesy of Pleakley's 28 credit cards]''
:'''Pleakley''': At last, the big city.
:''[Stitch runs up to a view of Honolulu and laughs maniacally]''
:'''Lilo''': I know you always wanted to see a big city.
:'''Jumba''': ''See'' big cities? 626 programmed to ''destroy'' big cities!
:'''Lilo''': But he won't, because he wants to be good and help me win the dog show and show Mertle we're ''not riffraff!'' Right, Stitch?
:'''Stitch''': ''[reluctantly]'' Mmm-hmm.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Registration Lady''': Dog's name?
:'''Lilo''': Stitch.
:'''Registration Lady''': And what exactly is your dog's breed, dear?
:'''Lilo''': Blue-furred Extoplasmic Detection Dog. Ancient Egyptians used them to contact their mummy relatives in the underworld.
:'''Registration Lady''': I don't see any...
:'''Lilo''': He's very rare. Probably the last of his breed. Only the top dog people really know about them.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo wakes up]''
:'''Lilo''': It's 6:30! We overslept! Stitch, wake up! ''[pulls out the blanket to see Stitch gone]'' Oh, no! He went out to destroy the city!
:'''Jumba''': Ooh! I always wanted to witness that!
:''[they suddenly look behind them to see Stitch has actually left to grab some ice cubes]''
:'''Stitch''': Egata?
:'''Lilo''': Oh, I thought... Never mind.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu captures Gigi]''
:'''Mertle''': My Gigi!
:'''Jumba''': My experiment!
:'''Pleakley''': Your what?!
:'''Jumba''': Experiment 007! Did not to recognize after so many grooming and watch ribbons!
:'''Lilo''': Gigi... is an experiment?!
:'''Jumba''': Sure! Very early project. Can lie down, sit, fetch, annoy neighbors with evil shrill bark.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo, Stitch, Jumba, and Pleakley have returned home; Pleakley counts the beauty products he got from Honolulu]''
:'''Pleakley''': Soaps, shampoos, bathrobe, love it! It's just like being there! 
:'''Nani''': ''[appears with a ton of mail]'' All the mail is for you, Pleakley. Looks like it's all bills.
:'''Pleakley''': Bills? What are bills?
:'''Nani''': Bills are what you ''owe'' when you charge on your 28 credit cards!
:'''Pleakley''': Owe? As in money? Nobody asked for any money. ''[looks at a bill]'' Oh, my goodness! Is that a balance due or an intergalactic zip code?! How can they do this to me?! I'm not even a citizen!

== ''Yin-Yang (Experiments 501 &amp; 502 a.k.a. Yin and Yang)'' [1.09] ==
:''[Gantu gets out of his shower to find that Experiments 501 and 502 have both activated at the same time]'' 
:'''Gantu''': By the luck of the Fubockoo Nebula! Two experiments at the same time! Do you realize what this means?! Dr. Hämsterviel will pay a double bounty on delivery! ''[625 is sitting in his chair, reading a book]'' Eh, 625? ''[no response, Gantu removes the book to see that 625 is really fast asleep]'' '''625!!'''
:'''625''': ''[wakes up to see Gantu in a towel]'' Ooh, yow! Not what I like to see when I first wake up! ''[gets up to leave]''
:'''Gantu''': ''[blocks the way out]'' I've been thinking...
:'''625''': Ooh, careful! Don't hurt yourself using all that brain power!
:'''Gantu''': It's time you started pulling your weight around here. You're going to help me capture those experiments!
:'''625''': Y'know what, babe, I would love to, but I can't. It'd cut in to my sandwich schedule.
:'''Gantu''': ''[grabs 625 and gets ready to punch him]'' Add this to you schedule: A ''knuckle'' sandwich!
:'''625''': Just lost my appetite! Fine, I'll go! ''[Gantu drops him]'' Whoa! Hold on, brainiac! Don't you think it'd be better if we split up and each went after ''one'' experiment?
:'''Gantu''': What? I'd just leave you alone to goof off?!
:'''625''': If Wittle Gantu needs me to hold his hand and go witch him, I will!
:'''Gantu''': Fine! We'll each catch our own!
:'''625''': Good! I'll just pack some sandwiches.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch get into an argument after failing to wax David's board while David was trying to teach them about [[w:Yin and Yang|Yin and Yang]]]''
:'''Lilo''': I don't know what David was talking about. I could've waxed that board without you!
:'''Stitch''': Naga tay!
:'''Lilo''': Could too! Because I'm smarter!
:'''Stitch''': Hmph! Wa naga tikiday!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch fail to capture 501 and 502]''
:'''Lilo''': You had him, alright! Tied up his arms like a pretzel! It was hurting him, you big bully!
:'''Stitch''': Nugishaw!
:'''Lilo''': It was ''not'' my fault!
:'''Stitch''': Nugishaw!
:'''Lilo''': Was not!
:'''Stitch''': Nugishaw!
:'''Lilo''': '''WAS NOT!!'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Jumba explains 501 and 502 to Lilo and Stitch]''
:'''Jumba''': Is very important 501 and 502 do ''not'' come in contact.
:'''Lilo''': Why?
:'''Jumba''': If they were to touch, could be cataclysmic disaster of epic proportions!
:'''Lilo''': Why? 
:'''Jumba''': Because of massive release of quantum energy! 501 plus 502 equal one big boom!
:'''Pleakley''': What is it with you and the big booms and the evil and the destruction? Why didn't you create an experiment to do something constructive, like, say, oh, I don't know, IRONING?!
:'''Jumba''': I am genius only! Not miracle worker.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch challenge each other that they can capture the experiments without the other]''
:'''Jumba''': 626 accepts little girl's challenge. Of course, genetically superior 626 will easily catches target before little girl.
:'''Pleakley''': Pshaw! He's nothing without Lilo! She has Earth brains, Earth instinct. He's just a monster!
:'''Jumba''': Perhaps willing to make a wager?
:'''Pleakley''': Willing?! I am ''dying'' to! But galactic waging rules requires stakes.
:'''Jumba''': ''[chuckles]'' Stakes are best part. Let's see. Ha! Loser of bet must perform dreaded Gloknar Ceremony Dance!
:'''Pleakley''': ''[gasps]'' The thunky Gloknar?! The Witless Dance of 1,000 hours!
:'''Jumba''': Is one-eye scared like &quot;bok-bok&quot; Earth fowl that crosses road?
:'''Pleakley''': Not this one-eye, Senor Four-Eye!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu falls into a 625's sandwich trap as Lilo, Stitch, Jumba, and Pleakley spy on them]''
:'''Gantu''': Did you hear that?! Those experiments have escaped again, thanks to you!
:'''Lilo''': Oh, no!
:'''625''': Oh, that is so pathetic that you have to blame for your screwup! Hmph!
:'''Gantu''': If we had worked together in the first place, like I said, we wouldn't be in this mess!
:''[Lilo and Stitch realize the error of their ways after hearing this]''
:'''Lilo''': The big dummy is right, Stitch. 
:'''Stitch''': Ih.
:'''Lilo''': Maybe if we worked together...
:'''Jumba''': Never mind making up! First, be finding 501 and 502 and making certain they do not make with the touching or tapping or patting!
:'''Lilo''': Why do you keep saying that?
:'''Jumba''': If I'm telling once, I'm telling more than once! Lava genius experiment and water genius experiment must not touch!
:'''Lilo''': Wait a minute, that's not what David said.
:'''Jumba''': And what does local surfer boy know of this?!
:'''Lilo''': Maybe it's what he was trying to tell us about Yin and Yang: two very different things come together to make on good thing. Like peanut butter and jelly. Or doughnuts and mustard.
:'''Stitch''': Stitch and Lilo?
:'''Lilo''': Yeah.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch work together to capture Yin and Yang and shake hands at the end]''
:'''Pleakley''': Aha! Lilo's clever plan worked! I win!
:'''Jumba''': No, no, no! It was 626's strength and agility that captured experiments. ''I'' am winning!
:'''Lilo''': Nope! We caught'em at the exact same time together. Right, Stitch?
:'''Stitch''': Ih, ih!
:'''Jumba''': Which means we tied! Yeah-- Oh! No, is not good.
:'''Pleakley''': Intergalactic wagering rules states in the events of a tie, ''both'' parties must pay the bet! ''[sobs]'' We both lose!

== ''Kixx (Experiment 601)'' [1.10] ==
:''[Lilo falls over while trying to skateboard without following Keoni's advice]''
:'''Keoni''': Crazy bale! Are you alright?
:'''Lilo''': Skateboarding is stupid.
:'''Keoni''': Hey, no pain, no gain. You can't expect to learn it all in one try.
:'''Lilo''': I tried twice! 
:'''Keoni''': This time, I'll teach you how to stop.
:'''Lilo''': I know how to stop. I'm stopping skateboarding. ''[takes off the helmet and gives it to Keoni]'' Let's go, Stitch.
:''[Stitch gives Keoni his backpack, which is empty after he ate Keoni's shoes and macadamia nuts, and then leaves with Lilo]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Jumba''': Ah, yes! That's 601. Oh, he's trouble. Is big bully. Sole purpose is to pick fights. Will defeat anyone except, maybe, 626.
:'''Lilo''': No experiment can beat Stitch. Stitch is undefeatable! Right, Stitch?
:'''Stitch''': ''[standing on the ceiling]'' Ih. ''[grumbles and then falls off the ceiling]''
:'''Lilo''': Come on, we've got to catch 601, and you're driving!
:'''Stitch''': Ih!
:''[scene cuts to Stitch driving the buggy in reverse]''
:'''Lilo''': You really aren't yourself today, are you?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Jumba diagnoses Stitch to see what is wrong with him]''
:'''Jumba''': I have diagnosis!
:'''Lilo''': What is it?
:'''Jumba''': He ate macadamia nut.
:'''Pleakley''': That's it?
:'''Lilo''': Is that bad?
:'''Jumba''': Normally, macadamia nut is delicious snack. But data indicates he also ate tennis shoe.
:'''Lilo''': A left one, but he spit it up!
:'''Jumba''': Not soon enough. Combination of metolayic acid found in macadamia nut oil and tennis shoe rubber created same chemical compound as Crezonyte.
:'''Pleakley''': Crezonyte?! Ugh! Ew! It's toxic stuff! It ruins your complexion! Ruined mine anyway!
:'''Lilo''': So... what did that stuff do to Stitch?
:'''Jumba''': Caused system to shut down. He is like computer creation. Wipe out all training memory. 626's superpowers go super-kaput!
:'''Lilo''': How will he defeat 601 if he can't remember how to fight?
:'''Jumba''': ''[sighs]'' We'll have to retrain from scratch.
:'''Lilo''': You did once. You can do it again, right?
:'''Jumba''': Wrong. Last time training gave slipped disk.
:'''Lilo''': So who's gonna retrain Stitch? Me?
:'''Jumba''': Excellent idea! ''[drops a stack of books near Lilo]'' Here are training manuals, must be trained in agility, hand-by coordination, and strength. Wishing you for good luck.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch is almost done with his training]''
:'''TV Reporter''': This just in: The purple pugilist pig was just seen running down Pier 13. It appears he's headed for Muscle Bay.
:'''Stitch''': ''[snarls]'' Ogata! Ogata!
:'''Lilo''': Almost, but not yet. We've got one more training manual to go: &quot;Fighting Four-Armed Beasts&quot;.
:'''Stitch''': Stitch ready!
:'''Lilo''': Don't you think this might come in handy?
:'''Stitch''': Carachita! ''[runs off to challenge Kixx]''
:'''Lilo''': Stitch, no! You're gonna get your keister kicked! '''STITCH!!!'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu has a broken leg after being defeated by Kixx]''
:'''Gantu''': How could it beat me?! I'm an expert at 12 martial arts! Judo, Glaxian Jiu-Jitsu!
:'''625''': You're lying! The only martial you know is Tae-kwan-get-your-butt-kicked!
:'''Gantu''': I will not be made a fool of!
:'''625''': Too late!
:'''Gantu''': I will capture you...

== ''Splodyhead (Experiment 619)'' [1.11] ==
:''[Lilo and Stitch lost an experiment pod to a seagull who flew off to [[w:Ni'ihau|Ni'ihau]]; Lilo and Stitch ride around the rental hunt on their tricycle]''
:'''Lilo''': Aloha, Nani! Going to Ni'ihau! Bye!
:'''Nani''': Lilo!
:'''Lilo''': ''[whispers to herself]'' Almost made it. 
:'''Nani''': You are not crossing 15 miles of open ocean alone.
:'''Lilo''': But I'll have Stitch with me.
:'''Nani''': Stitch sinks, remember?
:'''Lilo''': Then why don't you come?
:'''Nani''': I can't. I told David I'd help out at the resort luau, setting tables and lighting tiki torches.
:'''Lilo''': But this is an epic showdown. You see, although I believe all creatures have some good in them, Stitch thinks Gantu is pure evil. So, he ''really'' wants to get this experiment pod we're after.
:'''Stitch''': Ih! ''[pedals hardly on the trike]''
:'''Lilo''': No, Stitch! Wait!
:'''Stitch''': ''[pedals so hard that part of the trike becomes buried in sand]'' Spabata! 
:'''Nani''': ''[sighs]'' Alright. You can go, but house rules apply.
:'''Lilo''': I know: take Jumba and Pleakley and be home for dinner! Thanks! And good luck with your bit torch-lighting gig!
:'''Nani''': And good luck fighting evil! What am I saying?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch takes his duty to find the experiment very seriously as he looks around the rocks]''
:'''Stitch''': Maka maka! Egata!
:'''Lilo''': What's your hurry?
:'''Stitch''': Meega kweesta Gantu!
:'''Lilo''': We're not after Big, Tall, and Ugly. Let's just concentrate on getting the pod before he does, okay?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu returns to his ship after looking around the island while 625 relaxes nearby]''
:'''625''': Hey, I see you caught an experiment!
:'''Gantu''': What?! Where?!
:'''625''': Gotcha! ''[laughs]'' Ah, you're way too easy, G! So, did ya find anything?
:'''Gantu''': Only ocean and a wall of rock. The trog probably got to the experiment first!
:'''625''': ''[hears a zap sound]'' Hey, is that the experiment?
:'''Gantu''': Ha, ha, very funny.
:'''625''': No, no, no! I mean it! ''[ducks behind a rock]''
:'''Gantu''': I'm not falling for it!
:''[Suddenly, a giant plasma shot explodes near Gantu and he is blasted to where 625 is hiding]''
:'''Gantu''': You weren't kidding.
:'''625''': Figured it out by yourself, did ya, fish flanks?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo, Stitch, Jumba, Pleakley, Gantu, and 625 are stranded on the island due to Splodyhead]''
:'''Lilo''': Okay, things are not working out like we planned, but they could be worse.
:'''Pleakley''': Worse than being trapped under this rock and stranded on this accursed island?!
:'''625''': Without food and water?!
:'''Jumba''': Don't forget, 619 is waiting to blast us to pieces.
:'''Gantu''': And the sun is going down.
:'''Lilo''': Well... We could have the mumps.
:''[everyone stares at Lilo in disbelief]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Nani returns home with groceries]''
:'''Nani''': Lilo? Anybody? ''[the phone rings; she picks it up]'' Lilo?
:'''David''': Nani? It's David. You still coming by to help set up the luau?
:'''Nani''': ''[sighs]'' Lilo went to Ni'ihau with the aliens. She was supposed to be home by now, but, of course, she isn't, so....
:'''David''': Rescue mission?
:'''Nani''': Bingo.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after Jumba tells Lilo that Splodyhead plans to pick the group off one by one]''
:'''Pleakley''': ''[draws an eye on a coconut]'' One by one? Marking us each for a fiery demise, 'till one of use is left all alone. It really will be me! Right, Coco? Coco here was raised on the Forbidden Isle, and knows the secrets of its evil curse!
:'''Jumba''': Strange fruit has secret information? Let me see, gimme that.
:'''Pleakley''': Stay away from Coco! We have a plan! We're not staying here a second longer! Run, Coco! Run! ''[runs out into the ocean]'' Escape the Forbidden Island! ''[a giant wave washes him back ashore]'' Oh, the indignity! And the evil curse!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Nani and David take Lilo and the group back to Kauai; Gantu and 625 are also given rides after giving away Splodyhead as payment]''
:'''Pleakley''': ''[put Coco into the water]'' You did it, Coco. You finally escaped the Forbidden Island, though not its evil curse. Not its evil curse.
:'''David''': Ni'ihau is not forbidden because of a curse. It's forbidden because you need an invitation to visit.
:'''Pleakley''': NO CURSE?! Of course, I knew it all the time.

== ''Amnesio (Experiment 303)'' [1.12] ==

:'''Computer''': ''Warning. Experiment 303 activated. Primary function: erases memories.''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:'''Lilo''': Stitch... Do you remember what day it is?
:'''Stitch''': ''[snores]'' Naga.
:'''Lilo''': It's the best day of the year: my birthday! ''[shakes Stitch's bed, waking up Stitch]''
:'''Stitch''': ''[groans]'' Bata ichi!
:'''Lilo''': ''[pulls Stitch's blanket away]'' Wake up, sleepyhead!
:'''Stitch''': Chubata! ''[grabs the blanket with his toes, tripping Lilo]''
:'''Lilo''': Fine! But you'll miss the balloons, and the mariachi band, and cake... coconut cake!
:''[the mention of coconut cake wakes up Stitch, who excitingly chews on his pillow]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Lilo, Stitch, and Gantu had their memories erased by Experiment 303]''
:'''Lilo''': What am I doing here? And who are you guys?
:'''Gantu''': I'm... uh... I'm not quite sure who I am, frankly.
:'''Lilo''': And who are you?
:'''Stitch''': Trumba! Meega enesta chi?
:'''Lilo''': He's even more confused than us. He's speaking a different language.
:'''Gantu''': ''[chuckles]'' It's okay, little fella. No... ''[Stitch bites his finger]'' OW!
:'''Lilo''': Watch out! It's a monster! ''[ducks under a table]''
:'''Stitch''': '''MEEGA NALA KWEESTA!!!''' ''[grabs a palm tree and pounds Gantu with it and then runs off to wreak havoc]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Lilo/Martha and Gantu/Lenny go into an arcade; Lilo/Martha is playing [[w:Galaga|Galaga]]]''
:'''Lilo/Martha''': Hey, Lenny! I won an extra ship! 
:''[Gantu/Lenny looks around the arcade to find what looks like Stitch but is really a kid in a blue outfit]''
:'''Gantu/Lenny''': ''[pulls out his blaster]'' Stay here, Martha.
:'''Kid''': ''[playing [[w:Street Fighter|Street Fighter]]]'' You want some? Oh, yeah!
:'''Gantu/Lenny''': ''[grabs the kid]'' I've got you know, convict!
:'''Kid''': Help!
:'''Lilo/Martha''': Lenny, no! He's not the convict! He's just a kid!
:'''Gantu/Lenny''': Martha, I think I know a little more about criminals than you. ''[looks that he really just grabbed a kid]'' Oh. Sorry, kid. ''[puts the kid down]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Jumba and Pleakley see that Lilo, Stitch, and Gantu have lost their memories]''
:'''Jumba''': Uh-oh! Is Experiment 303.
:'''Pleakley''': Oh, Experiment 303. Well, now it all makes sense. ''[angrily turns to Jumba]'' You think I know all 626 of all your evil monsters by number?! What does it do for Earth's sake?!
:'''Jumba''': Is designed to wipe out memories. 
:'''Pleakley''': You made a monster that gives people amnesia?!
:'''Jumba''': Guess. I can see it was success.
:'''Lilo/Martha''': Go back a second. Did you say I'm Lilo?
:'''Jumba''': Of course. 
:'''Stitch''': Neesa amina?
:'''Jumba''': You are 626, also called Stitch. You catch my experiments like Experiment 303, and find one true place where they belong.
:'''Lilo/Martha''': ''[points to Gantu/Lenny]'' And he helps us?
:'''Jumba''': Uh, no. He is evil yet incompetent experiment hunter. He is hated by pretty much everyone.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Lilo says the password that restores their memories, which is &quot;ohana&quot;]''
:'''Lilo''': Stitch?
:'''Stitch''': Lilo!
:'''Lilo''': We're back!
:'''Gantu''': So am I! To reclaim the abomination that was mine all along!
:'''Lilo''': What happened to... ''[imitates Gantu]'' &quot;I don't want my old life of evil back&quot;?
:'''Gantu''': I didn't know what I was missing.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Lilo and Stitch return home after losing Amnesio to Gantu]''
:'''Lilo''': We lost our memories, we lost an experiment to Gantu, and no one remembered my birthday.
:'''Stitch''': Oh... ''[gets an idea]'' Etaba! ''[climbs a palm tree and gnaws it into a giant tiki totem pole]'' Happy Birthday!
:'''Lilo''': Ah, you didn't have to make me a present. I remember my ohana. That's the greatest gift of all. Even if they forget my birthday.
:''[Lilo and Stitch enter the house and lights go on]''
:'''Nani, David, Jumba, Pleakley, and Cobra Bubbles''': SURPRISE!
:'''Stitch''': COCONUT CAKE! ''[grabs Lilo's cake and eats in 5 seconds flat, but leaves one slice for Lilo]''
:'''Lilo''': I thought you all forgot.
:'''Nani''': Lilo, how could I ever forget your birthday? Remember what ohana means?
:'''Lilo''': Nobody gets left behind.
:'''Stitch, Jumba, Pleakley, David, and Cobra Bubbles''': Or forgotten.
:'''Lilo''': Oh, yeah! I forgot that part.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Gantu sends Amnesio to Hämsterviel]''
:'''Hämsterviel''': Still waiting... Where is it?!
:'''Gantu''': It'll be there any second, sir.
:'''Hämsterviel''': Any second is too slow! YOU'RE FIRED! F-I-R-E... ''[Amnesio finally arrives in his cell]'' Hello, what is this? ''[Amnesio zaps him in the eyes, erasing his memories]'' What? What was I saying? Who am I?
:'''Gantu''': Your name is Doofus. You're a dangerous criminal wanted in twelve galaxies!
:'''Hämsterviel''': Ooh, I am?
:'''Gantu''': Yes. Fortunately, you were trapped and captured by me: police officer Ace Jackson!

== ''Swirly (Experiment 383)'' [1.13] ==

:'''Computer''': ''Warning. Experiment 383 activated.''
:'''Hämsterviel''': An experiment is waiting for you and your bumbling fish mitts don't grab it for me! ''[notices Gantu watching TV]'' GANTU!
:'''Gantu''': ''[sighs]'' Yes, Dr. Hämsterviel, I'll get right on it, in just a minute.
:'''Hämsterviel''': Not in just a minute! Now, you lazy squid thing! NOW!
:'''Gantu''': But it's a marathon of ''Look at This!''
:'''625''': It's chowder chop's favorite show.
:'''Hämsterviel''': Well, my favorite show is watching your fishy butt get hit by the door on your way out to ''CATCH MY EXPERIMENT!!!''
:'''Gantu''': ''[sighs]'' Yes, sir. ''[to 625]'' Record it for me?
:'''625''': Well, I could do that, but I'm thinking the Sandwich Channel.
:''[Gantu growls in frustation as he leaves]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Pleakley is practicing a juggling routine for Look At This!]''
:'''Pleakley''': Let's see. Maracas, bowling ball, precious family heirloom, that's good, and here we go! ''[begins juggling with the maracas, the bowling ball, and a priceless lamp]'' Yes! Yes! 
:''[the bowling ball lands on Pleakley's foot and the maracas hit him on the head; Stitch grabs the lamp before it could break]''
:'''Stitch''': Phew!
:'''Lilo''': Why are smashing your feet?
:'''Pleakley''': Haven't you heard? ''Look At This!'' is coming to Kauai! I intend to demonstrate the mastery of Earth-style juggling. ''[moves the bowling ball off his foot]''
:'''Lilo''': Not you too! You sound just like Mertle. She thinks ''Look At This!'' is all that!
:'''Pleakley''': Well, Mertle sounds like a small Earth female with exquisite taste! ''[Stitch begins playing with his maraca]'' Unhand my maraca, you monster! Figure out your own audition!
:'''Lilo''': Don't worry. I'd feed myself to the sharks before I let Stitch go on that show.
:'''Pleakley''': Just the same! The juggling routine is mine!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Lilo has been hypnotized by Swirly to be like Mertle, who happens to love Look at This! while Stitch is also hypnotized by him to love the show]''
:'''Mertle''': Okay, first the left hip, and.... ''[notices Lilo, who has the same hairstyle and glasses as her]'' AHH! What are ''you'' doing here, Lilo?!
:'''Lilo''': I'm not going to let ''you'' ruin our big TV debut with your boring old dance moves, ''Mer-Tle!''
:'''Yuki''': Huh?
:'''Teresa''': What?
:'''Elena''': Who are you?
:'''Stitch''': ''[dashes to the TV with a pillow and popcorn]'' Eeka toola!
:'''Mertle''': I thought you hated ''Look At This!''
:'''Lilo''': As if! You gotta love it!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Gantu has been hypnotized by Swirly; 625 then tells him to obey the first suggestion after hypnosis]''
:'''625''': Have a peanut butter sandwich. Wait, wait, make that a peanut butter and sardine sandwich!
:'''Gantu''': ''[shoves the sandwich into his mouth]'' Delicious!
:'''625''': ''[chuckles]'' Now, hop on one foot and say &quot;blah-blah-blah&quot;.
:'''Gantu''': Blah-blah-blah! ''[begins hopping around the ship]'' Blah-blah-blah!
:'''Hämsterviel''': What is the meaning of the silly hopping with the mouth filled with fancy-pancy nonsense?!
:'''625''': It's cool, Doc. Check this out. Hey, twinkle-toes, dance like a ballerina and tell Dr. Hämsterviel you're a big blubberhead.
:'''Gantu''': I'm a big blubberhead. ''[makes a goofy face and begins dancing like a ballerina]''
:'''Hämsterviel''': ''[laughs]'' The large fishy one has succumbed to the powers of Experiment 383! I remember him. Big fun at parties. Gantu, stick out your tongue and make raspberry-like spitting noises!
:'''625''': And balance yourself on a rolling pin!
:'''Hämsterviel''': While juggling your sandwich-making thing stuff!
:'''625''': With a cake on your head!
:'''Hämsterviel''': And a cherry on top!
:''[Gantu does exactly what he is told; 625 and Hämsterviel crack up laughing]''

== ''Fibber (Experiment 032)'' [1.14] ==
:''[Lilo looks at Jumba's computer to identify the new experiment she and Stitch just caught]''
:'''Lilo''': No. No. Cool, but no. I got it! It's...
:'''Jumba''': Experiment 032.
:'''Lilo''': Yeah. I knew which experiment it was all along.
:''[032 beeps loudly and his forehead lights up]''
:'''Jumba''': ''[chuckles]'' 032 says you are telling fib.
:'''Lilo''': How does he know?
:'''Jumba''': Is lie detector experiment. The more you lie, the more he beeps. Forces people to tell truth, resulting in complete chaos. Is genius, no? ''[chuckles]''
:'''Lilo''': How can the truth cause chaos?
:'''Jumba''': ''[picks up a t-shirt]'' Ah, society is like cloth, and lies are the thread which are holding it together. ''[pulls a thread on the t-shirt, causing it to fall apart]'' Pull thread, civilization unravels. ''[chuckles]'' Humans cannot survive telling truth all the time.
:'''Lilo''': I'm gonna name you Fibber. Until we find a new home for you, you can stay with me in my house.
:'''Nani''': ''[off-screen]'' Lilo! Did you clean up your room?
:'''Lilo''': Yes.
:''[Fibber beeps loudly, exposing her that she's lying]''
:'''Stitch''': ''[laughs]'' Ajibba!
:'''Lilo''': Stitch's bed. ''[Stitch stops laughing]'' That's where you'll stay. He's the one that caught you anyway. ''[Stitch growls in frustration]'' And keep him out of the way. We don't want the t-shirt of civilization to come apart.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Pleakley's cell phone begins ringing in the middle of the night; waking Lilo]''
:'''Lilo''': Pleakley, you're phone is ringing.
:'''Jumba''': Eh, it's his mother. Always calling, night and day, telling him to find wife.
:'''Lilo''': A wife? Like a lady to marry?
:'''Pleakley''': No! No! There will be no wife, no lady, and no marrying! My Earth studies are my life. I don't have time for a relationship.
:'''Lilo''': ''[picks up Pleakley's phone]'' Hello?
:'''Pleakley''': ''[whispers]'' Lilo, no! Hang up!
:''[Lilo tosses the phone to Pleakley]''
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': Hello? Pleakley? Is that you?
:'''Pleakley''': Mother?
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': Pleakley! Aw, you know how long I've been trying to reach you?
:'''Pleakley''': No, I don't! You see, I... lost my phone in the ocean.
:''[Fibber beeps loudly]''
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': So, tell me, son, have you found a nice girl to marry yet?
:'''Pleakley''': I'm working on it.
:''[meanwhile, in Lilo's rooftop dome, Stitch is kept awake by Fibber's beeping]''
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': Well, you can stop looking, because I found one for you. ''[shows a picture of an ugly Plorganarian girl]'' Ta-da! ''[Pleakley gags]'' She is breathtaking, isn't she? Now, her parents are arranging a big, fancy wedding as we speak. 
:'''Pleakley''': W-w-w-wedding?!
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': I knew you would be thrilled! Pack your things. A limo craft is on its way to bring you back home to meet your new bride!
:'''Pleakley''': Wait! I am not thrilled! ''[his mom hangs up]'' I'm the opposite of thrilled! I'm ''un''-thrilled! I DON'T WANNA GET MARRIED!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Pleakley follows Lilo and Jumba's suggestions to lie to his mother saying that he's already found a woman to marry]''
:'''Pleakley''': Yes, I'm engaged. Isn't that wonderful.
:''[Fibber beeps loudly]''
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': When did all this happen?
:'''Pleakley''': Well, just... a few hours ago. Yeah, a few hours ago. I've been... ''[Fibber beeps again]'' just so busy getting engaged that I forgot to tell you. ''[Fibber beeps twice; Stitch grabs Fibber and puts him in the ceiling lamp]'' Nice girl? Of course she's a nice girl. Cook? She's a... professional chef.
:''[Fibber's muffled beeping and lights emanate from the lamp]''
:'''Lilo''': ''[to Stitch]'' Keep him quiet!
:'''Pleakley''': Yes, I'm afraid you will have to call off that big, fancy wedding, 'cause I'm getting married on Sunday.
:''[Fibber beeps loudly]''
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': What's that crazy beeping?
:'''Pleakley''': Uh... it's the doorbell. ''[Fibber beeps again]'' Yes, it's the doorbell. Wedding planner's here. Gotta go. ''[hangs up]''
:'''Lilo''': Well?
:'''Pleakley''': She bought it. She actually bought it. This lying thing is working out really well. ''[there's a knock at the door]'' Hmm. Who could that be? Oh, it's that limo craft Mother sent to pick me up. You know, before I told her I was engaged. ''[chuckles]'' Boy, did I pull the wool over Mom's eye. She is so... ''[opens the door to see his mom, his sister Pixley and brother Bertley at the door]'' '''HERE!!!'''
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': We hopped a wormhole as soon as we found out.
:'''Pleakley''': I... I...
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': What? Did you think your own family would miss your wedding? Come here. Give Mama a hug!
:'''Pleakley''': Uh...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo asks Nani if she could pose as Pleakley's fiancé]''
:'''Nani''': Are you lolo?!
:'''Lilo''': But otherwise, I'll lose one of my alien babysitters.
:'''Nani''': You'll still have your Uncle Jumba! I'm not gonna be Pleakley's fiancé!
:'''Lilo''': Okay, I understand. Besides, Jumba is perfectly qualified to be my babysitter. Jumba! Can I play with the chainsaw?
:'''Jumba''': Of course! But try not to lose finger! Is messy!
:'''Nani''': Alright! Alright, I'll do it.
:'''Lilo''': Thanks, Nani. I'll never be bad again.
:''[Fibber beeps loudly]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Nani is serving dinner]''
:'''Nani''': ''[pulls out a burnt casserole out of the oven]'' Well... Looks like it's ready. Volcano Surprise! ''[places the casserole on the table and sits down; Pleakley puts his hand over her shoulder]''
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': Oh, it's so good to see my son finally getting married.
:'''Pixley''': So, Wendy tells us you're...
:''[Pleakley spits out his mild in shock]''
:'''Nani and Lilo''': &quot;Wendy?!&quot;
:'''Pixley''': My brother, your fiancé, the one-eyed wonder sitting next to you.
:'''Nani''': His name is Wendy?
:'''Bertley''': You're marrying him and you don't even know his name?
:'''Nani''': Oh, well... I always just call him Honeykins. ''[hugs Pleakley]''
:''[Fibber beeps loudly; Stitch grabs Fibber and tosses him into the clothes hamper and shoves laundry into it to stifle the beeping]''
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': Oh, he was always embarrassed by his name. I don't understand why. It means &quot;brave warrior&quot; in Plarganar.
:'''Bertley''': Oh, how I wanted that name.
:'''Pixley''': Maybe he was embarrassed by it because he couldn't live up to it. I mean, look at his career. 
:'''Pleakley''': Excuse me, but being an Earth expert is highly respectable.
:'''Pixley''': I'm the CEO of a medium-sized galaxy. I have a bathroom in my office. ''You'' share a bunkbed with an evil scientist. Do the math, brother.
:'''Pleakley''': Okay, okay! Pick on Wendy time is over!
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': Let's talk about the wedding. Now, how many guests are you having?
:'''Pleakley''': Guests? Oh, let's see. About..
:'''Lilo''': None. They're getting married at... City Hall.
:''[Fibber beeps again; Stitch traps Fibber in the dryer]''
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': That's crazy talk! No son of mine is swearing his intergalactically binding vows without a decent wedding!
:'''Nani''': ''[glaring at Lilo]'' Eternal binding ''vows?!''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[the phone rings; Pixley picks at up]''
:'''Pixley''': Hello. Wendy's hovel.
:'''David''': Aloha. Who is this?
:'''Pixley''': This is Pixley Pleakley, Ph.D. and CEO of the Glorknot Galaxy. Who's this?
:'''David''': This is David, surfer and Nani's boyfriend.
:'''Pixley''': Boyfriend? Apparently, Nani didn't tell you she's engaged.
:'''David''': She's ''what?!''
:'''Pixley''': Engaged, as &quot;engaged to be married.&quot; Are all you Earth people this dense? ''[hangs up]''
:'''David''': Nani's getting... ''married?!''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Pleakley's mom has Nani in a rather tight wedding dress]''
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': Oh, if only Grandma Pleakley could see you in her wedding dress.
:'''Nani''': Um, you know, I don't think we'll be able to this whole wedding thing. I mean, we don't even have anyone to marry us.
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': There, there. Not to worry. I found you a minister. He was ordained at the Happy Slots Chapel in a place called &quot;[[w:Las Vegas|Lass Vegass]]&quot;. I think the veil hides a multitude of flaws, dear.
:''[Nani, furious, waddles outside to find Lilo making the floral arrangements]''
:'''Nani''': '''LIIIIILLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!''' Ugh! Ow! ''[hops towards Lilo]'' Lilo, this has gone way too far! I'm not going to marry Pleakley!
:'''Lilo''': But it's just pretend! Like when I married the rat that lives in the garage.
:'''Nani''': ''[takes off the veil]'' His mother ordered a real minister!
:'''Lilo''': You can't back out now! 
:'''Nani''': Watch me. ''[hops away]''
:'''Lilo''': Now what do I do?
:'''Jumba''': Little girl, did you want to play with this? ''[a chainsaw is heard]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu returns from his vacation]''
:'''Gantu''': I'm home. ''[sees the ship in a total mess]'' What?! My ship!
:'''625''': The par-tay is ov-er!
:'''Gantu''': ''[turns off the radio and finds the container computer beeping]'' How long has the container computer been beeping?!
:'''625''': Ever since you left, and boy, is it irritating. I just drowned it out with ''Electro Dance Party 4.''
:'''Computer''': Warning: Experiment 032 activated.
:'''Gantu''': Oh, Hämsterviel's going to pummel me!
:'''625''': Oh, that reminds me. The rat-face called, but not to worry. I hung up on him ''before'' he described how he was gonna pummel you.
:'''Gantu''': ''[grabs 625]'' When I get back, I'm pummeling ''you!''
:'''625''': Whoa. Oh, easy. Whoa. Too late there, cod-boy. Your breath beat you to it.
:''[Gantu drops 625 and goes out to capture Fibber]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch has Gantu tied up and is swinging him around on a palm tree]''
:'''Gantu''': You won't stop me, trog! I will get that lie-detect-- ''[Stich lets go, sending him flying]'' ORRRRRRRRR!!!
:'''Pixley''': A lie-detector?
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': A lie-detector? You mean this whole thing has been a great big lie? The fiancé, the wedding, everything?
:'''Pleakley''': Not everything exactly... ''[Fibber beeps loudly]'' Yes.
:'''Pixley''': We travelled 2 million miles for nothing?! I lost 2 days of my important work for this!
:''[Fibber beeps loudly]''
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': You are not fit to wear the name Wendy! 
:''[Fibber beeps again]''
:'''Bertley''': I hate you!
:''[Fibber beeps a third time; Pleakley sobs]''
:'''Lilo''': Hey, Fibber's been beeping. All that mean stuff your family just yelled at you must not be how they really feel.
:'''Pleakley''': It wasn't?
:'''Lilo''': Why else would Fibber have been beeping?
:'''Pleakley''': So... Bertley ''doesn't'' hate me.
:'''Bertley''': ''[ashamed]'' No. I don't hate you. I never did! I was just... jealous! I mean, look at you! You're tall, you're handsome, you're a babe magnet.
:'''Pleakley''': ''[looks at Fibber]'' He didn't beep. It must be true. I'm a babe magnet!
:'''Pixley''': And you're creative, too. I've felt inferior to you my whole life.
:'''Pleakley''': But you're the CEO of a galaxy!
:'''Pixley''': I was only trying to be better than you, and what did it get me? A high-powered career, a custom shoe closet, and bone-searing loneliness!
:'''David''': Your shoes have their own closet?
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': ''[cries]'' It's all my fault! I pushed you all too hard! I just wanted my children to be happy!
:'''Pleakley''': But Mom, I ''am'' happy.
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': Oh, don't be ridiculous! How can you be happy?! You're not even married!
:'''Pleakley''': I don't wanna be married, Mother. I'm happy just as I am.
:'''Bertley''': Then... can ''I'' marry Nani?
:'''Nani and David''': No!
:'''Bertley''': Oh.
:'''Pleakley''': You know, I'm even happier now that I know that you all really love me. You do, right?
:'''Pleakley's Mom and Bertley''': Well...
:'''Pixley''': Well, you're not perfect.
:'''Nani''': Perfect? Try living with a sister who pours grape jelly in your socks.
:'''Lilo''': Or a sister who hogs the bathroom for hours.
:'''Nani''': ''[hugs Lilo]'' But no matter how much we annoy each other, we're still ohana.
:'''Lilo''': And we love our ohana, just the way we are. ''[Stitch playfully jumps on the two sisters]'' See? The t-shirt of human civilization is made of love, not lies.
:'''Minister''': I hate to interrupt the love fest, but who's dropping the cha-ching? ''[holds out the bill for his services]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu captures Fibber and returns to his ship; he tries to lie to Hämsterviel to cover up his spa vacation]''
:'''Gantu''': No, no, no. I wasn't on vacation. ''[Fibber beeps loudly]'' It was an educational conference. ''[Fibber beeps again]''
:'''Hämsterviel''': You lying lump of rubber! You're on probation! ''[disconnects; Gantu sighs and facepalms]''
:'''625''': Y'know, Fib, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
:''[they both drink their sodas and Fibber gives out a loud belch]''

== ''Tank (Experiment 586)'' [1.15] ==

:''[Note: [[w:Weird Al Yankovic|Weird Al Yankovic]] made a special guest role as a singing minstrel]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:'''Driver''': I tell you, bra, I'm giving you the kind deal. They don't 'em like this no more.
:'''Man''': Hmm. You sure the body's in ok shape?
:'''Driver''': You kiddin'? All-metal body, chrome trim. No plastic junk like today.
:''[As the driver washes his car, Experiment 586's pod gets wet and activated]''
:'''Woman''': 'Cause you know, we got a rust problem in Hawaii. This island air eats cars like nothing else in the universe. ''[Experiment 586 starts eating the car, leaving only the rubber tires]'' Except maybe him.
:''[Experiment 586 grows a little bigger, roars, and runs away, laughing]''
:'''Man''': Sorry, bra. Deal's off.
:'''625''': Hey, Gantu, ever thought about growing a goatee?
:'''Gantu''': No!
:'''625''': I'm serious. Because with your bone structure, it would look very spiffy.
:'''Gantu''': Really?
:'''625''': Sure. May I? ''[grabs a pencil and draws a mustache and goatee on Gantu's face]'' There. See? ''[holds up a mirror]''
:'''Gantu''': Not funny!
:'''625''': What? I think it looks nice. Helps disguise a few of those chins! ''[laughs]''
:'''Computer''': Warning. Experiment 586 activated.
:'''Gantu''': &quot;Primary function: metal consumption. Experiment grows exponentially larger with everything it eats.&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Mertle and the girls are calling for a radio contest to win tickets to an Elizabethan festival]''
:'''Mertle''': Come on, come on!
:'''Host''': ''Congratulations, Caller 12!''
:'''Mertle''': What?! Already!
:'''Lilo''': I won?!
:''[the girls turn to see that Lilo was the lucky caller via payphone]''
:'''Host''': ''Yes! You and a group of your closest friends and adult guardians are going to the Elizabethan festival!''
:'''Mertle''': I don't believe it!
:'''Lilo''': I won the contest for you. Now we can all go to the festival.
:'''Mertle''': Nu-uh! We have somewhere better to be. Right, girls?
:'''Yuki''': Well... not really.
:'''Teresa''': According to their homepage, the festival is way cool!
:'''Elena''': Plus, we're sick of playing dolls!
:'''Lilo''': Really?
:'''Mertle''': Fine, if you wanna go with the freak, then go! I'm staying here!
:''[pause]''
:'''Yuki, Teresa, and Elena''': Okay! ''[they leave with Lilo and Stitch]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Pleakley is getting his costume ready for the festival]''
:'''Pleakley''': I'm so excited! My first festival dedicated to primitive Earth history! Are you dressed yet?
:'''Jumba''': ''[dressed as [[w:King Henry VIII|King Henry VIII]]]'' Dressed, yes. Happy, no!
:'''Pleakley''': Cheer up. Henry VIII was a powerful ruler, even though he had a nasty habit of having his wives beheaded!
:'''Jumba''': I am liking this Henry person! ''[laughs]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Stitch, angered that he's not allowed to go to the festival, sees Mertle and pounces on her]''
:'''Mertle''': What's the matter? Upset that your friend dumped you?
:'''Stitch''': ''[releases Mertle]'' Amagata!
:'''Mertle''': Face it. You know she'd trade up someday.
:'''Stitch''': Kachuga naga!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Since Lilo is too busy with the girls, Stitch reluctantly takes Mertle to find Experiment 586, who has grown huge due to all the metal it has eaten]''
:'''Mertle''': We're not here because of that thing, are we?
:'''Stitch''': Ih!
:'''Mertle''': I don't like this anymore. Take me home!
:''[Stitch leaps out of the buggy]''
:'''Mertle''': Hey, come back!
:''[Stitch throws a mailbox into 586's face, but it does not hurt it]''
:'''Stitch''': Kachumba! 
:''[586 kicks Stitch to the hood of the buggy]''
:'''Mertle''': I'm never gonna get home with ''you'' in charge!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Tank rampages through the festival, with Gantu's ship in hot pursuit]''
:'''Yuki''': Where should we hide?!
:'''Elena''': I say we hide in the blacksmith's!
:'''Teresa''': No, the dueling buckets booth!
:'''Lilo''': We don't hide. That ship is trying to catch the experiment, but we have to beat him to it! 
:'''Yuki''': But why?
:'''Lilo''': 'Cause we're the good guys, and the good guys don't chicken out just 'cause the bad guy has a gigantic spaceship with advanced alien technology.
:'''Elena''': Mertle was right: You really ''are'' weird.
:'''Yuki and Teresa''': ''YYEEEEEAAAAHHHH!!''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Gantu holds Stitch and Mertle hostage after accidentally capturing them]''
:'''625''': I swear something's different about you. No shoes? Wait, I got it! Perm and red highlights!
:'''Mertle''': Hey, that was pretty funny what you did that tubby guy. You know, the face.
:'''625''': Really? You think so?
:'''Mertle''': Oh, yeah! I ''know'' how be mean to people. What you did, it was special.
:'''625''': I'm glad you said that, 'cause I was afraid I wasn't pushing the envelope. Y'know? Thinking outside the box. 
:'''Mertle''': I hear ya.
:'''625''': Hey, I got a prank I'm working on right now. You wanna take a look? I mean, if you got time.
:'''Mertle''': I got nothing but time!
:'''625''': ''[chuckles]'' Oh, right. It's in the other room. ''[presses a button, releasing Mertle]'' I call it &quot;Ants in Gantu's Pants&quot;. That's figurative, by the way...
:''[Mertle grabs 625 and traps him in her own containment chamber]''
:'''Mertle''': That was so easy, it was sad. ''[releases Stitch]'' Come on. Let's get outta here.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Lilo apologizes to Stitch for not treating him right and Stitch accepts her apology and forgives her; Mertle watches the whole thing from a pole]''
:'''Elena''': Mertle?
:'''Mertle''': ''[slides down]'' My friends! You've come back!
:'''Elena''': Here's the thing: we tried going with Lilo, and didn't exactly work out. So...
:'''Teresa''': We were thinking of going back to you, but only if we do something besides play dolls all the time.
:'''Mertle''': Oh, really? And what makes you think I would even take you back? I had a lot of fun without you. I chased a monster, then I got sucked into a gigantic spaceship, then...
:'''Yuki''': Maybe this was a bad idea.
:'''Teresa''': Yeah! Being alone has made her weird.
:'''Mertle''': Uh, just kidding! So, let's just be friends again. ''[the three girls continue glaring at Mertle; defeated]'' And play less dolls.

== ''Sprout (Experiment 509)'' [1.16] ==

:''[Lilo finds an experiment pod on the floor in the post office while dropping off a letter to her pen-pal]''
:'''Lilo''': Look what I found. It was right there on the floor. It must have been in somebody's mail. Experiment 509.
:'''Jumba''': Hmmm... 509. Agricultural experiment. 
:'''Lilo''': It's a plant?
:'''Jumba''': Experiment. Designs to be violent and indestructible. Looks like harmless plant one moment, but suddenly rises up like savage beast and attacks!
:'''Lilo''': Let's activate it, so we can find its one true place.
:'''Jumba''': ''[snatches the pod from Lilo]'' No, no, no! Too risky.
:'''Lilo''': But we could make friends with it, and then it won't attack.
:'''Jumba''': You're wanting to make friends with a plant? ''[laughs]'' Oh, is very compassionate, also silly! ''[puts the pod in a drawer and locks it]'' No. Impossible to activate without causing extreme destruction. Of course, is fun for me, but for planet's sake, I'm putting away, permanently.
:'''Lilo''': But--
:'''Jumba''': End of discussion! Not looking so sad. Hundreds of experiments left on the loose, wreaking havoc on island. Make friends with ''those''. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Mertle challenges Lilo to compete against her in the orchid growing contest in the Kokaua Town Fair while Stitch trains himself to enter the rodeo; Pleakley is using a jackhammer to sew seeds into his garden]''
:'''Lilo''': Pleakley, can you help me grow an orchid for the town fair?
:'''Pleakley''': Town fair? What town fair?
:'''Lilo''': Kokaua Town Fair. They have rides and food and competitions for stuff like flowers.
:'''Pleakley''': What about pineapples?
:'''Lilo''': There's a homegrown fruits and vegetables competition.
:'''Pleakley''': Homegrown fruits?! I could enter... my Pinormous! ''[gestures to his gigantic pineapple plant]'' Pinarmous will revolutionize Hawaii's pineapple industry. And then... IT WILL REVOLUTIONIZE THE WORLD!!! 
:'''Jumba''': ''[chuckles]'' You are starting to sound like evil genius.
:'''Pleakley''': Maybe, but... I'm be an evil genius for good!
:'''Jumba''': Always it starts that way. Here is evil genius fertilizer you are requesting.
:'''Lilo''': What about my orchid?!
:'''Pleakley''': Sorry, Lilo. I can't waste my precious time on something as renowned as an orchid. My Pinormous needs me, and the world needs my Pinormous! ''[notices some bamboo shoots growing]'' AAH!! My personal Eden is being invaded by bamboo runners! 
:'''Lilo''': Runners?
:'''Pleakley''': Underground roots spreading their grasping, choking evil from the mother plant. Couldn't you ever plant this to contain the roots so it won't keep spreading? So inconsiderate!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Lilo goes to the rental hut to ask Nani to help her grow an orchid]''
:'''Nani''': I'm sorry, Lilo, but I don't have time to help you with the fair. I'm working.
:'''Lilo''': But I want to enter something.
:'''Diver''': Uh, miss? Do you have another mask? This one doesn't fit quite right.
:'''Nani''': Oh, yes, sir. ''[gives the diver another mask]'' Here you go. ''[to Lilo]'' If you'd told me weeks ago...
:'''Lilo''': BUT I ONLY JUST FOUND OUT TODAY!!
:'''Nani''': Lilo! I have a customer. 
:'''Diver''': Uh, miss? This mask doesn't fit right either.
:'''Nani''': Uh, okay. ''[gives the diver another mask]'' Here. Try this one. 
:''[as the two sisters talk, Stitch, still practicing to be a cowboy, wheres flippers as boots and twirls two snorkels as if they were guns]''
:'''Lilo''': But I gotta enter something! Mertle's entering orchids, Pleakley's entering a huge evil pineapple, Stitch is going to be a cowboy at the rodeo.
:'''Nani''': ''[to Stitch]'' Cowboys where boots, not flippers. ''[to Lilo]'' Look, it takes a long time to grow an orchid. Maybe you could enter next year.
:'''Diver''': Oh, uh, miss? I'm sorry, but this one...
:'''Lilo''': THE MASK DOESN'T FIT BECAUSE '''YOUR HEAD IS SHAPED WEIRD!!!!''' ''[storms out the hut]''
:'''Stitch''': Bachuga! ''[follows Lilo]''
:'''Nani''': ''[chuckles nervously]'' Kids.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Lilo and Stitch go to the fair carrying Sprout on a wagon]''
:'''Zack Makeli''': Howdy, stranger. ''[Stitch glares at him angrily]'' I hear you're the only bullrider in this here competition. ''[Stitch nods]'' You see this? I got five of'em. One for each time I won the rodeo. And I don't expect to lose the sixth time... to a ''stranger''.
:'''Stitch''': Ihkata....
:'''Lilo''': Help me get Sprout in place, then you can kick that cowboy's rear in the rodeo.
:'''Stitch''': ''[reluctantly]'' Bachoo.
:'''Zack Makeli''': ''[laughs]'' Hey, son! A real cowboy don't get told what to do by a little girl!
:''[Stitch grumbles angrily as he takes Sprout to the orchid competition]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Lilo and Stitch retreats to the old water tower after Sprout lands on the ground and grows into a giant plant monster]''
:'''Lilo''': All my fault. Jumba locked the experiment in the drawer because he knew it was dangerous, and I took it anyways just so I could beat Mertle. I messed up everything.
:'''Stitch''': Ih.
:'''Lilo''': You could at least ''pretend'' that I didn't mess up so bad, just to make me feel better.
:'''Stitch''': I cannot.
:'''Lilo''': Ugh! Fine!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Nani watches the news]''
:'''Reporter''': We're here at the Kokaua Town Fair, where apparently, a giant orchid has burst out of its potted plant, causing pandemonium.
:'''Nani''': ''[shocked and angry]'' ''JUMBA!!''
:'''Jumba''': What?! What is emergency?!
:'''Nani''': What do you know about ''that?!'' ''[points to the TV]''
:'''Reporter''': I've never seen anything like this! It's as if alien plants have taken over the fair! James, are you getting this?! Oh, no! ''[screams]''
:'''Jumba''': Is 509... but looks much heavier on television. Little girl has been breaking big rules!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Stitch manages to pull Sprout from the ground and puts him in the water tower, where he's now in his one true place]''
:'''Lilo''': I don't know if it's his one true place, but that's the only place I think Sprout could go.
:'''Stitch''': Oh, ih.
:'''Orchid Judge 1''': Would you look at that?!
:'''Orchid Judge 2''': Wasn't that one of the entries in the orchid category.
:'''Orchid Judge 3''': Why, yes! Yes, it was! I think we've found our blue ribbon! ''[hands the blue ribbon to Lilo]'' Here you go, dear.
:'''Zack Makeli''': Y'know, if hadn't been for that overgrown dandelion, you'd have beat in the rodeo.
:'''Stitch''': Oh!
:'''Zack Makeli''': No, no, sir. You would've. I gotta admit it, 'cause a real cowboy either wins fair and square, or he loses fair and square, partner. ''[hands Stitch the rodeo belt]''
:'''Stitch''': Oh, chochamba.
:'''Lilo''': ''[remembers the fact that she cheated and gives the ribbon to Mertle]'' Here. 
:'''Mertle''': Is this a trick?
:'''Lilo''': No. You won it fair and square, and I didn't. My Pully Cove is yours for a whole week.
:'''Mertle''': Really?!
:'''Lilo''': Yeah.
:'''Mertle''': Hey! We can go to my Pully Cove without the weirdo for a whole week! ''[she and the girls cheer and leave]''
:'''Lilo''': A real cowboy knows how to lose, fair and square.
:'''Nani''': Lilo! Oh, Lilo, are you okay?
:'''Lilo''': I'm okay. Am I grounded?
:'''Nani''': What do you think?
:'''Lilo''': I guess a month would be fair.
:'''Nani''': How about a week?
:'''Pleakley''': ''[shocked and upset that his pineapple was destroyed by Sprout]'' My beautiful Pinormous! Innocence! Lost!
:'''Nani''': If we start planting for next year, I bet we could grow orchids that would kick Mertle's orcids' butt!
:'''Lilo''': Wow! I didn't even know orchids have butts.
:'''Stitch''': Oh! Yippee-Ki-Yay!

== ''Elastico (Experiment 345)'' [1.17] ==
:''[Stitch waits for Lilo outside her hula class]''
:'''Moses''': Last rehearsal is tomorrow morning. Everybody practice tonight.
:'''Mertle''': I don't need to practice. My hula story is already perfect. I call it &quot;A Day in the Life of Mertle Edmonds.&quot; I thought it would be nice to share what it's like to be me. What's ''yours'' about this year, Weirdlo? Zombies again? ''[she and the other girls laugh; Stitch growls angrily at Mertle, but Lilo calms him down]''
:'''Lilo''': Not zombies, ''mummies''! Big difference. But no, I have created an all new hula dance. 
:'''Mertle''': Let me guess: It's about something gross?
:'''Lilo''': It's about a squid! 
:'''Mertle''': Mmm-hmm. Gross! We'll be sure to miss it.
:'''Yuki, Teresa and Elena''': ''YYEEEEEAAAAAAHH!!''
:''[as the hula girls laugh; Lilo and Stitch storm back home]''
:'''Lilo''': I'm gonna practice, alright. Until I'm better than perfect.
:'''Stitch''': Yeah! Ih!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[625 is making sandwiches while using pages of newspaper as sandwich wrappers]''
:'''625''': ''Aloha Oe... Salami and rye...'' ''[humming]''
:'''Gantu''': 625, have you seen the entertainment section?
:'''625''': Uh... no?
:'''Gantu''': ''[grabs the entertainment section]'' How many times have I told you not to use the papers as sandwich wrappers?! ''[looks at the Great Elastico ad]'' Hey... That looks like... An experiment!
:'''625''': Yeah, it's the clownish experiment how delights everyone with his comic antics. 
:'''Gantu''': How would ''you'' know?!
:'''625''': Duh! You're computer announced that experiment's activation like 2 weeks ago. &quot;Primary function: Distraction of hostile forces.&quot; Alright?
:'''Gantu''': You couldn't jot down a message?! Well, I guess I'm going to the circus!
:'''625''': Great. Have some cotton candy for me, would ya? Oh, listen, can I have my wrapper back?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after Lilo scolds Stitch for distracting her during practice, Stitch sneaks into the circus to get a closer look at his cousin Elastico; the ringmaster admires Stitch's agility and indestructibility while trying to capture Elastico and pulls Stitch into the center ring]''
:'''Ringmaster''': Ladies and gentlemen, let us hear it for our surprise circus guest: the Marvelous, the Magnificent, ehh....
:'''Stitch''': Uh, Stitch?
:'''Ringmaster''': Oh, no, no, no! This will never do! You need a name which more accurately reflects your indestructible resplendency. Ladies and gentlemen, meet the Incredible Indestructerado!
:'''Stitch''': Wow! ''[takes a bow]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after Gantu captures Elastico, the circus ringmaster decides to use Stitch as his replacement]''
:'''Ringmaster''': Amigos, I like to present to you our newest sensation: The Incredible Indestructerado!
:'''Stitch''': H-h-hiiiii.
:'''Tiger Tamer''': He is no Elastico!
:''[a tiger roars at Stitch, but Stitch frightens it with a louder roar]''
:'''Wolfman''': He looks so weird.
:'''Russian Contortionist''': Da, Wolfman! He is very odd-looking creature. He fits right in, no?
:''[Gus the Clown honks his horn a few times]''
:'''Acrobat''': That's Gus talk for &quot;Welcome to our family, Indestructerado.&quot;
:''[Stitch smiles happily]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu thinks he has transported Elastico to Hämsterviel, but Elastico escaped the transporter without him knowing]''
:'''Hämsterviel''': Gantu! Sleeping on the job?
:'''Gantu''': No, sir!
:'''Hämsterviel''': You think you're so funny with your pranky little pranks!
:'''Gantu''': Uh, pranks, sir?
:'''Hämsterviel''': ''[lifts up an empty shackle]'' Sending me nothing but shackles?! ''WHERE IS MY EXPERIMENT?!?''
:''[Gantu is shocked and embarrassed]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch gets ready for the grand finale before he leaves Kauai until Lilo comes in backstage]''
:'''Lilo''': Stitch? Is that you?
:'''Stitch''': Lilo? ''[suddenly remembers how she treated him and pouts]''
:'''Lilo''': I know you're mad at me, 'cause I was too busy with my show to pay attention to you. You aren't really going to Vegas, are you? You'll never see your ohana again.
:'''Stitch''': Circus means family, and family means &quot;Stitch does not get left behind&quot;!
:'''Lilo''': I never meant to leave you behind.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch have defeated Gantu with help from Elastico and the circus group]''
:'''Stitch''': ''[picks up Lilo's broken seashell necklace]'' Uh, isa brokuba.
:'''Lilo''': It's okay. I can always make another one. 
:'''Stitch''': Yeah?
:'''Lilo''': I should never have ignored you because of my dumb old hula dance. Being there for you and helping you find your cousins is so much more important.
:'''Ringmaster''': Well, Indestructerado, we must leave for Las Vegas. It is time to say your goodbyes.
:'''Stitch''': Ah, oh, um...
:'''Ringmaster''': Unless you have reconsidered joining our family.
:'''Stitch''': But... contract.
:'''Ringmaster''': Ah, yes. You signed the contract. ''[produces the contract from his hand]'' This contract was written in the name of Indestructerado, but you signed the name... Stitch. Oh, this contract is numb and void! ''[the contract disappears]'' Que payna! Go, be with your ''real'' family. ''[he and Elastico hug Stitch]''
:'''Stitch''': Goodbye. ''[he and Lilo leaves]''
:'''Wolfman''': We'll never forget you, Indestructerado.

== ''Yaarp (Experiment 613)'' [1.18] ==
:''[Lilo gives her presentation on her idea to improve the hula school; Stitch pantomimes while she does this]''
:'''Lilo''': Ahem. Aliens are not folktales. They are real! And they can be deadly. Aliens are very sneaky. They can be 20 feet tall and look like a whale. ''[Stitch bends his ears to look like Gantu]'' Or they can disguise themselves as your very own uncle. ''[Stitch imitates Jumba's laugh]'' Or your very own aunt. ''[Stitch waves his arms wildly like Pleakley]'' They shoot laser beams and they can even rampage through a city. ''[Stitch rampages through a city made of fruit]'' Destroying everything in sight. They can strike ''anywhere'' at ''anytime''. Including.... HERE!!
:'''Stitch''': Dum-dum-DAAAA!!!!
:'''Teresa''': Is she serious?
:'''Yuki''': Aliens?
:'''Mertle''': That dog is so ugly!
:'''Moses''': Lilo...
:'''Lilo''': The Kia Luhale is a happy place. ''[Stitch holds up Scrump]'' But only because we are blissfully ignorant of the alien scourge that threatens to enslave all of humanity. ''[Stitch throws Scrump on the ground and chews on her]'' Ending us to its twisting will, and making us eat limes!
:'''Moses''': Lilo! What is your idea to improve Kia Luhale?
:'''Lilo''': I think we need to install an alien invasion alarm, for the good of all humankind.
:'''Stitch''': Bark!
:'''Lilo''': Oh, and any friendly aliens who may or may not be living here disguised as my dog. ''[she and Stitch take a bow]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch was knocked into a big bookshelf after being hit by 613's sonic blasts]''
:'''Lilo''': Let's go, Stitch! They're getting away! ''[Stitch is deaf from the blast and can't hear Lilo]'' What's wrong, Stitch?
:'''Stitch''': Jaba?
:'''Lilo''': ''[loudly]'' CAN YOU HEAR ME?!
:'''Stitch''': Naga. Naga sonika.
:'''Lilo''': His hearing's broken! 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Jumba inspects Stitch's ears]''
:'''Jumba''': This is work of Experiment 613. Was first attempt to wreak havoc with high-decibel sonic disturbance, resonate compression, and osculating vibrational distortion. Simple to say, he makes loud noises.
:'''Lilo''': Gotcha.
:'''Jumba''': Sonic blast can shatter windows, flatten buildings, and cause acute loss of hearing.
:'''Stitch''': Gaba?
:'''Jumba''': Acute loss of hearing!
:'''Stitch''': Gaba?
:'''Jumba''': ''[puts a conch shell in Stitch's ear]'' '''ACUTE LOSS OF HEARING!!'''
:'''Stitch''': Ah! Odhigi noeeba!
:'''Lilo''': Jumba, there's nothing cute about hearing loss.
:'''Jumba''': Is correct. Fortunately, in 626's case, is only temporary.
:'''Lilo''': Good! We can catch 613 and still be home in time to write that letter to the mayor before dinner. Come on, Stitch.
:'''Jumba''': No, no, no! 626's super hearing makes him super sensitive to super sonic attack. He cannot be going.
:'''Lilo''': Can't you make him something like those earmuffs Gantu was wearing?
:'''Jumba''': Of course! Can have ready by next Tuesday.
:'''Lilo''': Tuesday?!
:'''Jumba''': Monday is federal holiday.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Pleakley is sent to capture Yaarp with a vacuum since he has no ears]''
:'''Pleakley''': Trigger to fire. Backup for safety. ''[a flash of light startles him]'' '''WHOOOAAAAH!!!''' ''[blindly sucks up a couple's clothes]''
:'''Charles''': Can we please have our clothes back?
:'''Mary''': We're on our honeymoon.
:'''Pleakley''': Oh. Congratulations! ''[shoots the clothes back to the couple]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu captures Stitch and agrees to set him free in exchange for Yaarp; Lilo meets Gantu in the natural history museum]''
:'''Gantu''': Earth girl.
:'''Lilo''': Big dummy. ''[opens up the cage, releasing Yaarp]''
:'''Gantu''': ''[puts on his earmuffs]'' Foolish Earth forms! Why haven't you soundproofed him?!
:'''Lilo''': Because we're plotting to rescue Stitch.
:'''Gantu''': Say again?
:'''Lilo''': 'CAUSE WE'VE TRAINED HIM TO OBEY HIS MASTER!
:'''Gantu''': Ah, well, I suppose that will save Hämsterviel the trouble. Now hand him over.
:'''Lilo''': Hold it! Where's Stitch?
:''[Gantu pulls Stitch from his armpit]''
:'''Stitch''': ''[coughs]'' Spubata! Ranka patookie!
:'''Lilo''': Okay...
:''[Yaarp comes to Gantu; Gantu kicks Stitch toward Lilo]''
:'''Gantu''': See how easy this can be? Aloyha, losers!
:''[Lilo winks to Stitch and whistles; Yaarp lets out a large sonic blast, startling Gantu]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[thanks to Yaarp's sonic blast, the museum's security surround Gantu, but Gantu escapes]''
:'''Mayor''': Did you get a good look at him Nicolé?
:'''Nicolé''': Yes, sir. He looked like... a whale, sir. I'm afraid he got away.
:'''Mayor''': Huh. My city is being bullied by a rampaging whale?
:'''Lilo''': Excuse me. Did you say ''your'' city?
:'''Mayor''': Yes, I did. Mayor Anolo. Who are you?
:'''Nicolé''': She's the one that tripped the alarm.
:'''Lilo''': My name's Lilo, and I didn't trip the alarm. It was my pet large-horned wild pig.
:'''Mayor''': Your pig tripped the alarm.
:'''Lilo''': No! He ''is'' the alarm.
:'''Mayor''': That's a pretty big voice for such a little fella.
:''[Yaarp lets out a happy honk]''
:'''Mayor''': Well, thanks for your help, Lilo.
:''[Stitch uncrumples Lilo's letter to the Mayor and gives to her]''
:'''Stitch''': Small person, big voice.
:'''Lilo''': Mr. Mayor!
:'''Mayor''': Yes?
:'''Lilo''': I thought you should know that the &quot;whale&quot; isn't really a whale.
:'''Mayor''': It's not?
:'''Lilo''': Nope. Actually, he's a space alien.
:'''Mayor''': Well, thank goodness. I'd have a hard time explaining a rampaging whale to the city counsel.
:'''Lilo''': It's occurred to me that some of the city's most important buildings might benefit from having alien invasion alarms installed.
:'''Mayor''': ''[laughs]'' An alien invasion alarm system? Well, that's the most ridi--
:'''Mary''': Are you the mayor of this city?
:'''Mayor''': That's right. What can I do for you?
:'''Mary''': We just wanted you to know that you ruined our honeymoon!
:'''Charles''': Your city is crawling with weird creatures! ''[shows the mayor pictures of Yaarp, Gantu, and Pleakley]''
:'''Mary''': We're leaving for the mainland immediately, and we are never coming back! Good day!
:'''Lilo''': In the interest of continued tourism, you might like to read this. ''[hands the mayor her letter]''

== ''Experiment 627'' [1.19: Thanksgiving Special] ==
:''[Note: The episode title is just ''627'']''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch has captured and reformed 515 (a.k.a. Deforestator) in less than 2 minutes, making him and Lilo overly proud of himself]''
:'''Lilo''': Give it up for the greatest, the bestest, the baddest, the King of Kokaua Town: Stitch! ''[takes a picture of a sunglasses-clad Stitch]''
:'''Pleakley''': Finally! I was getting worried! 
:'''Lilo''': You should never worry. Not when I have Stitch with me to kick butt!
:'''Pleakley''': Lilo! Such language was outlawed by the Balorian Universal Talking Treaty and your big sister, who had to work late. Now, will you assist me setting out the Thanksgiving dinner?
:'''Lilo''': Thanksgiving? Again?
:'''Pleakley''': It is once a month, right?
:'''Lilo''': Is there pumpkin pie?
:'''Pleakley''': Of course!
:'''Lilo''': Yep. Once a month. Help set the table, Stitch?
:''[Stitch pushes an easy chair to the table]''
:'''Lilo''': Okay. You did earn your keep pretty good today.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Jumba enraged at how Stitch has acted bossy during dinner, creates a new experiment and activates it in front of Pleakley]''
:'''Jumba''': Allow me to be introducing Experiment 627!
:'''627''': '''EVIL!!!'''
:'''Jumba''': Has all strengths of 626, none of weaknesses. Does not sink in water, available in tasteful Earth-tone colors, and absolutely, positively, cannot be turned to good.
:'''627''': Evil, evil, evil!
:'''Pleakley''': Why would you make such an awful, snarling, clawing, growling little monster who can only say...
:'''627''': Evil!
:'''Jumba''': Ah, 626 needed a reality check. Besides, have plans lying around. You know, evil genius, use it or lose it.
:'''Pleakley''': This is completely against galactic regulations, and all good said, I'm going to--
:'''Jumba''': ''[grabs Pleakley]'' I have ''other'' old plans. Like maybe for experiment with giant finger for poking ''someone's giant eye!''
:'''Pleakley''': Well, maybe the others don't need to know just yet. As long as it doesn't do anything...
:'''627''': Evil!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[625 comes across 627 and brings him to Gantu]''
:'''625''': So just as I was talking about what a doorknob you are, this experiment fell into my lap. Sure was easy to catch him! Anyway, I just he'd be a good sidekick for you to chase experiments with, then ''both'' you knuckleheads can get creamed by the little girl and 626. Meanwhile, ''I'' can stay home and do what I do best.
:''[625 lays down on the couch until 627 blasts him with a laser beam]''
:'''625''': Nothing...
:'''Gantu''': You've got something I need: power! This could be the start of a beautiful relationship. ''[chuckles evilly]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch has been defeated by 627]''
:'''Lilo''': It was incredible! Like nothing we've seen! It was even tougher than Stitch!
:'''Stitch''': Aketaba!
:'''Jumba''': So, 626 thinks severe pounding was one-time-only fluke, eh? ''[chuckles]''
:'''Lilo''': Well, I don't. And which over experiment it is, we got to figure out how beat it.
:'''Pleakley''': I see you're searching Jumba's database of ''old'' experiments. I wonder if he has a file of more ''recent'' experiments, made as ''recently'' as, say, ''yesterday!''
:'''Jumba''': You mean like experiment made to ''poke people in eyeball?!''
:'''Stitch''': Huh?
:''[Lilo, Stitch, and Pleakley stare at Jumba suspiciously]''
:'''Jumba''': If creature you are looking for is as amazing as you say should be studied for science. ''[Pleakley points to Jumba while holding a screwdriver]'' Preserved in museum and... ''[notices Pleakley]'' Is one-eyed bigmouth trying to tell you something?
:'''Lilo''': Something about you having a screw loose.
:'''Jumba''': ''[grabs Pleakley]'' Ah, my silly friend! He is one with screw loose if he thinks I will let him tell you that I built 627! ''[stops as he realized what he just said; Lilo and Stitch gasp]'' Oh, I am very busted now!
:'''Lilo''': '''627?!''' You... made... &lt;big&gt; A '''627?!?'''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Pleakley''': Ha! Who's afraid of the finger now, big boy?! WHO'S AFRAID '''NOW?!'''
:'''Jumba''': I-I-I confess! I confess. But now you see scientific achievement! You know that 627 is even better than 626.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[625 calls Lilo after finding out 627's weakness]''
:'''Lilo''': Hello?
:'''625''': Listen, it's me: Gantu's... ex-sidekick guy.
:'''Lilo''': Sandwich boy?! Why are ''you'' calling?
:'''625''': Because I can help you beat Experiment 627.
:'''Lilo''': It's a trick, right? Why would ''you'' wanna go against Gantu?
:'''625''': Trust me. ''[627 kicks him]'' Ow! I have my reasons! That hurt!
:'''Lilo''': Uh-huh. Really... Okay, you got a deal!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after Stitch defeated 627 through laughter, he serves the next Thanksgiving dinner]''
:'''Lilo''': I'm proud of you, Stitch, for being self-cool and humble.
:'''Stitch''': Oh. 
:'''Pleakley''': And I hope Jumba has learned his lesson about making those silly evil genius experiments. We oughta to make him do the dishes!
:'''Lilo''': Yeah! Hey, where ''is'' Jumba?
:''[scene changes to Jumba in his ship, putting 627's pod back in his safe]''
:'''Jumba''': So much for Experiment 627. Perhaps I'll have better luck next time.
:''[places a pod marked 628 in his safe]''

== ''The Asteroid'' [1.20] ==
:''[Note: There are no new experiments in this episode]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo, Stitch and the hula girls are visiting the planetarium]'''
:'''All Girls''': WOW!
:'''Elena''': We're up so high, I bet we're in space already.
:'''Lilo''': This is almost as cool as the ''real'' outer space.
:'''Teresa''': Stop saying you've been to outer space, Lilo.
:'''Mertle''': Real astronauts have spacesuits. You don't got a spacesuit.
:'''Yuki, Teresa, and Elena''': ''YYEEEEEAAAAAHHH!!''
:'''Mertle''': The only place you've been is Planet Weirdo!
:'''Lilo''': But it's true! Me and Stitch-- ''[realizes Stitch is gone]'' Stitch? ''[Stitch is swinging on a planet model]'' Stitch!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch learn from eavesdropping on Cobra Bubbles that an asteroid is going to smash into Earth; Lilo sends flyers to everyone to evacuate via Jumba's ship while Stitch informs his cousins; unfortunately, none of humans believe them and don't come]''
:'''Lilo''': They're probably all just having trouble parking.
:'''Stitch''': Ih! Hamcha!
:'''Lilo''': ''[looks up in the night sky]'' I hope our new planet has this many stars, and I hope it has a beach with perfect waves, and friends, and shave ice, and fish that eat peanut butter sandwiches. ''[sighs]'' Sure would be better if we could just stay home. They're not coming, are they.
:'''Stitch''': Naga.
:'''Lilo''': Well, at least your cousins showed. How many are in there?
:'''Stitch''': ''[counts the experiments on the ship]'' Kicha!
:'''Lilo''': Only six? No one believes us.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch gets an idea to get Digger and Richter to go on the asteroid and destroy it, saving Earth]''
:'''Jumba''': Crazy idea. 
:'''Lilo''': So crazy that it might actually work, right?
:'''Jumba''': No. Just crazy.
:'''Nani''': Lilo, what's going on here?
:'''Lilo''': I told you. There's an asteroid heading towards Earth. We were going to evacuate everyone, but I think we'll go on a secret mission to destroy the asteroid instead.
:'''Nani''': Lilo, there hasn't been anything on the news about this. Anyone who'd believe you would have to be completely lolo!
:'''Surfer''': Yo, dudes! Hey, sorry I'm late. Just stopped for a pepperoni slice. ''[walks into Jumba's ship]''
:'''Lilo''': See? It's true! Ask Cobra Bubbles. He knows!
:'''Nani''': Okay! I'll call him. Nobody makes one single move until I get back! ''[leaves]''
:'''Lilo''': Let's go.
:''[Lilo, Stitch, and Jumba run into the ship]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[as Jumba's ship heads towards the asteroid, Stitch's cousins begin to cause havoc; Sparky zaps Hammerface in the rear end, Digger digs into his seat, Kixx kicks the back of Spooky's seat, and Spooky retaliates by frightening him with a scary face]''
:'''Lilo''': They seem a little restless. 
:'''Surfer''': You said there'd be peanuts!
:'''Lilo''': They need peanuts, and sodas, and swizzle sticks.
:'''Pleakley''': Uh-uh! I'm not going anywhere near those little monsters! ''You'' go!
:'''Lilo''': But I'm too little to fit into the stewardess outfit.
:''[scene changes to Pleakley in the stewardess outfit pushing a cart of consessions]''
:'''Pleakley''': Soda! Peanuts! ''[Kixx reaches his hand to grab a soda, but Pleakley slaps him]'' Don't be grabby! There's enough for everyone!
:''[Kixx, impatient, spins wildy, knocking Pleakley out, and he grabs a bag of peanuts]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo learns that the asteroid is home to a small crabby alien]''
:'''Lilo''': We can't blow up this asteroid!
:'''Jumba''': Excusing me?! But is your idea!
:'''Lilo''': This is that crabby guy's home, and he loves it. Just like we love the Earth. We can't destroy it.
:'''Jumba''': Can't destroy Earth, can't destroy asteroid... Wait... HA! I am more genius! I am having a theory. If Jumba designed hyperdrive to move ship millions of miles to Kweltiquan, it can perhaps move asteroid off course with Earth.
:'''Lilo''':  You mean, we can save Earth ''and'' the asteroid? ''[Jumba winks at her]'' Way to go, Jumba! You're hardly evil at all!
:'''Pleakley''': But... if we put the hyperdrive on the asteroid, we won't be able to cross the vast distances involved in interstellar travel. You and I might never be able to return to our home planets!
:'''Jumba''': We have home planet, with little girl, and bigger girl, on Earth.
:'''Pleakley''': Okay, you got me... you big jerk!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after the gang succeed in moving the asteroid off course by inserting the hyperdrive in it, they return home]''
:'''Cobra Bubbles''': I speak not only for myself, but for everyone on Earth when I say thank you for saving our collective posterior.
:'''Lilo''': So... Where's the plaque? The commendation from the president? The key to the Earth?
:'''Cobra Bubbles''': The government prefers to take the stance that the threat of annihilation never actually existed. But I did manage to swing this. ''[hands Lilo a document]''
:'''Lilo''': &quot;This document officially states that Lilo and Stitch are honorary agents in the Earth Defense Agency, Under 12 and Illegal Experiment division.&quot; Cool! I bet not even Elvis got one of these.

== ''Topper (Experiment 025)'' [1.21: Christmas Special] ==
:''[Lilo and Stitch sneak into the attic to find where Nani hid there Christmas presents]''
:'''Lilo''': Every year, Nani hides our Christmas presents. It's my job as a little sister to find them. It's another Hawaiian Christmas tradition. ''[Lilo opens a chest to find the presents]'' She's so predictable. This is where she hid them last year.
:'''Stitch''': ''[reaches and grabs a present from the chest]'' Oooh. Present.
:'''Lilo''': No! ''[takes the present]'' You can't open it! You never a open presents before Christmas! That's the rule. But... you can shake them to figure out what they are. ''[shakes the present]'' Maybe it's the shrunken head I keep asking for. I tried making my own, but Mertle wouldn't hold still. 
:'''Stitch''': ''[grabs the whole stack of presents]'' Abataka! 
:'''Lilo''': No! You can't have all those!
:'''Stitch''': No, no, no!
:'''Lilo''': Christmas isn't just about getting presents! ''[Stitch puts the presents back]'' It's okay to like the presents. Just don't ''act'' like you like them. That's what I do.
:''[they suddenly hear Jumba and Pleakley singing Jingle Bells off-key]''
:'''Lilo''': Sounds like something's attacking Jumba and Pleakley.
:''[she suddenly notices Stitch hiding a present in his mouth; Lilo glares at him, and he spits it out and puts it back in the chest]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[625 is putting up decorations in Gantu's ship]''
:'''625''': ''On the first day of Christmas, I just made for me.... a saaaaaaaaaandwich'' ''[Gantu gets caught in a decoration]'' Hey, flounder face! We've you been? Grab a holiday hoagie and enjoy the party!
:'''Gantu''': You can waste your time with this ridiculous Earth custom if you want, but for once, I have the upper hand. Hämsterviel's been on the rampage lately, but this should please him. ''[pulls out an experiment pod]'' I've obtained a dormant experiment pod.
:'''625''': Now just ho-ho-hold on a minute there, tuna toes! You're not just gonna transport the pod to Hämsterviel, are ya? It's Christmas! Everybody's giving each other gifts.
:'''Gantu''': Perhaps you're right. If I wrap this up in holiday paper with a bow, it might get the little gerbil off my dorsal fin.
:'''625''': Sure! Everyone likes getting presents, even megalomaniacal rodents with delusions of galactic domination.
:'''Gantu''': Hmm.... I should get this wrapped. ''[leaves to get wrapping supplies]''
:'''625''': Oh, hey, hey! If you wanna blend in out there, you better where a red suit and hat! Everyone's wearing 'em!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch has seen the experiment pod 025 being wrapped in a present and mailed into a truck; Stitch goes from door to door taking gifts to see which one of them contains the pod]''
:'''Jumba''': Open up, you greedy little genetic mistake!
:'''Lilo''': What's going on? 
:'''Jumba''': Ah, little girl. 626 has many gifts that he is keeping to himself.
:'''Lilo''': Stitch! What are we gonna do with you? You've torn up half the town, stolen presents, made little kids cry. It's like your the spirit of Christmas ruin.
:'''Jumba''': ''[pulls out his plasma gun]'' I will teach him to share brightly wrapped goodies with evil genius '''WHO CREATED HIM!!!'''
:'''Lilo''': Don't! There's something wrong with Stitch. He needs our help. I know a secret way in.
:''[Lilo and Jumba go through the secret entrance to the attic just as Stitch peaks through the main entrance; Jumba grabs Stitch and an unseen fight occurs]''
:'''Jumba''': Yeah! Got you!
:'''Lilo''': Jumba, look out!
:''[Jumba falls through the main entrance]''
:'''Lilo''': Are you okay?
:'''Jumba''': Ah, I'm okay! I landed on my patookie!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after Lilo and Jumba learns Stitch's true intention for taking the presents, Gantu comes in, disguised as Santa Clause, and tears through the house while giving no attention to Pleakley, who is trying to be a Christmas tree]''
:'''Jumba''': ''[repairing the house]'' Hey, what is wrong? Why the long branches?
:'''Pleakley''': I'm doing my best to represent a coniferous evergreen indicative of the holiday season, but no one seems to care!
:'''Jumba''': Heh. Maybe you need festive parcels.
:'''Pleakley''': What?
:'''Jumba''': Presents for to have underneath you.
:'''Pleakley''': Of course! Presents under the Christmas tree! I've been going about this backwards! Christmas isn't about the tree, it's about the presents under it! 
:'''Jumba''': 626 and little girl are stalking Gantu. They will bring presents.
:'''Pleakley''': No, no, no! I have to get my own! Otherwise, it doesn't really count! Jumba, it's time we took a little trip, to the mall!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Gantu''': ''[gets ready to stomp on Lilo]'' I should have done this a long time ago!
:'''Lilo''': Go ahead! You've already ruined Christmas for everyone!
:'''Gantu''': ''I'' ruined Christmas?! You're the one who took the present I was planning to give to Hämsterviel!
:'''Lilo''': You were going to give Hämsterviel a gift?
:'''Gantu''': Well, yes. Isn't that what your Christmas holiday is all about? Giving presents.
:'''Lilo''': Actually, you're right. 
:'''Stitch''': Ichalagu?
:'''Lilo''': It's not about getting presents. It's about giving.
:'''Little Girl''': Santa? Do ''I'' get a present?
:'''Gantu''': You?! A proto Earth form? Don't be ridiculous! Why would I-- ''[the girl gives him a sad look]'' No! That's not fair! Stop looking at me like that! Seize using your ocular orbs against sympathy! ''[sighs]'' This is an infectious holiday you have on this planet. Perhaps this is a present we could ''all'' enjoy. I can always find something else to send to Hämsterviel. ''[gives the present to the little girl]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo activates 025, now named Topper and places it on top of a Christmas tree as its one true place; not too far from Earth, some aliens notice Topper's flashing]''
:'''Alien 1''': Hey, who turned on the signal beacon?
:'''Alien 2''': Who cares? They got fruitcake down there! Come on, guys!
:''[the aliens cheer as they come towards Earth to join the festivities]''

== ''Melty (Experiment 228)'' [1.22] ==
:''[625 looks up at the containment computer]''
:'''Computer''': Experiment 228 activated. Primary function: liquefaction of enemy fortresses, weaponry, and transportation.
:'''625''': Hey, Gantu! I think there's a melting experiment loose. Bet he'd make a good grilled cheese sandwich, huh? ''[Gantu is fast asleep]'' Hey! Aw, you know, he really is kinda cute when he's beached. I just can't bear to wake him up. ''[puts a blanket over Gantu]'' You just rest.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[the clock strikes noon at the Birds of Paradise hotel; Melty knocks Lilo into a mud puddle and Stitch chases after him; Keoni notices Lilo]''
:'''Keoni''': Lemme give you a hand.
:'''Lilo''': No, I'm okay. I... I meant to do that! 'Cause... I'm practicing for a hula... about a mud monster. ''[nervously dances]''
:'''Keoni''': Okay, see you later. ''[leaves]''
:'''Lilo''': ''[to herself]'' &quot;I'm practicing for a hula about a mud monster&quot;?! What a loser!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch return home with Melty]''
:'''Lilo''': I'm gonna change my identity and move out of town. What do you think of the name Tiffany? With an I.
:'''Stitch''': Eww!
:'''Lilo''': Or I could just go back in time and take a do-over.
:'''Pleakley''': Oh, no, young lady! No time time travel until you clean your room!
:'''Lilo''': Uh, I was kidding.
:'''Pleakley''': Uh, I was afraid you were gonna drag out that old time machine Jumba was working on.
:'''Lilo''': Jumba made a time machine?
:'''Pleakley''': ''[realizes his mistake]'' Did I say time machine? ''[chuckles nervously]'' No, I meant ''rhyme'' machine. Helps you best a funky rhyme! ''[raps]'' ''My name is Pleakley, and I'm all about style! From my dresses, to my curtains, to my bathroom tile!''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch use Jumba's time-traveling surfboard to back to the time when Lilo fell in the mud to do it over; Stitch captures Melty again, but not before Melty destroys the hotel, causing Nani to lose her job]''
:'''Lilo''': We're gonna fix this, and this time, we're gonna have a plan so we can get it right. ''[gestures to a blue shoe Monopoly piece]'' This is you... ''[puts down a red car piece]'' and this is me.
:'''Stitch''': Stitch car!
:'''Lilo''': Fine. ''[swaps the car and the shoe]'' ''You'' be the car.
:'''Stitch''': ''[plays with the car]'' Vroom, vroom!
:'''Lilo''': Stitch, pay attention! We have to get it all perfect this time!
:'''Stitch''': Humph! ''[puts the car back]''
:'''Lilo''': Now, this is you, this is me... ''[puts down an orange game piece]'' and this is the experiment. If the experiment goes inside the hotel again, you don't follow it into the lobby. Instead, you go over the roof, like you did the first time, got it?
:'''Stitch''': Roof! Ih!
:'''Lilo''': Meanwhile, I'll make lady conversation with Keoni.
:'''Stitch''': Ih... huh?
:'''Lilo''': Since we're going back anyways, I figure I could do it even better this time.
:'''Stitch''': Whatever!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after many failed attempts to do it over, Lilo and Stitch decide to travel 5 minutes earlier than usual; however, they find themselves at the front of a prison camp]''
:'''Lilo''': ''[notices the time machine labeled &quot;future&quot;]'' Uh-oh. You turned the dial the wrong way. Instead of going backward, you went forward. ''Way'' forward. We better go back to 12:00.
:'''Stitch''': Uh-huh. ''[sets the time]''
:'''Future Jumba''': ''[wearing tattered clothing and eyepatches]'' Experiment 626, you're alive?!
:'''Stitch''': Eh?! ''[pull the switch and goes back in time with Lilo]''
:'''Future Jumba''': Hmm. Was that ''my'' time-surfing board?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after Lilo and Stitch finally got their method down to perfection, Stitch blows a feather off his arm, causing a coconut to fall of the stand and be hit by a golf club and hit Gantu's ship, waking Gantu]''
:'''Gantu''': What was that?!
:'''625''': Hey, Rip Van Fishhead. You had a good nap?
:'''Gantu''': Wonderful. Anything happen while I was asleep?
:'''625''': Ah, the usual: I made sandwiches, an experiment was activated. Nothing new really.
:'''Gantu''': WHAT?! ''[goes off to capture Melty]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Lilo''': Okay, so we go back one more time, and...
:'''Stitch''': ''[points to the time machine]'' Time machine!
:''[The time machine melts]''
:'''Lilo''': Okay, so we melted the time machine, our house is gone, and Gantu took the experiment. But at least Nani kept her job.
:'''Nani''': ''[offscreen]'' Lilo! I just lost my job. ''[realizes the house has melted]'' What happened to the house?!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after the time machine was destroyed by Melty, Future Jumba appears with another]''
:'''Future Jumba''': Little girl, 626, I have arrived to saving your behinds!
:'''Stitch''': Jumba?
:'''Lilo''': You brought us a new time machine!
:'''Future Jumba''': It has taken decades for to realize what happened here so long ago. From the day I showed you my time-surfer, fabric of time was broken. House was melted, our little family broken beyond compare, I lost two of my eyesights, and yech! Don't even ask what happened to Pleakley! It was not until I saw you surfing through time that I was having two and two!
:'''Lilo''': I'm sorry I ruined the future.
:'''Future Jumba''': Little girl, you can fix everything, but only one way: You must go back to beginning and relive it exactly as it originally happened.
:'''Lilo''': You mean, I'll have to humiliate myself in front of Keoni?
:'''Future Jumba''': A broken time strand can only be repaired when relived exactly. But more important, is accepting of your mistake. If you are dwelling in past, you cannot be living in present, and will lose sight of future. Now, get going before something melts this machine, too! ''[laughs]'' Go, go!
:'''Lilo''': Thanks, Jumba! ''[she and Stitch go back in time]''
:'''Future Jumba''': Good luck, little girl!
:''[Present Jumba appears]''
:'''Jumba''': What are you doing here?!
:'''Future Jumba''': I have come to give you warning: Whatever you do, do not build robot wife! Too easy for them to hack into bank account!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after Lilo and Stitch relive the moment exactly as it was the first time, they capture Melty and Lilo learns to do better tomorrow; Gantu wakes up in his ship]''
:'''625''': Hey, sleepyhead. You had a good nap?
:'''Gantu''': Wonderful. Anything happened while I was asleep?
:'''625''': Ah, the usual. I made sandwiches, etched the laser tattograph on your patookie, nothing new, really.
:'''Gantu''': ''You lasered my '''PATOOKIE?!'''''
:'''625''': ''[laughs]'' You are one deep sleeper, my friend. It's actually a wonderful likeness of, uh, ''moi.'' You wanna see?
:'''Gantu''': Wanna see '''''THIS?!''''' ''[shoots his blaster at 625]''

== ''Houdini (Experiment 604)'' [1.23] ==
:''[Stitch does a magic show that does not exactly go as planned]''
:'''Lilo''': ''[whispers to Jumba]'' You can't tell them how bad they are. It might hurt their self-esteem.
:'''Pleakley''': Aside from [[w:Sawing a woman in half|the last trick]] which does need polishing, and the rest of the tricks that need to be completely overhauled, what do you think?
:'''Jumba''': Well, it's completely...
:'''Lilo''': Amazing! Absolutely, completely amazing!
:'''Pleakley''': Good! 'Cause we have our first gig at Mertle's half birthday tomorrow!
:'''Jumba''': &quot;Half birthday&quot;?
:'''Lilo''': She's so spoiled she gets two a year.
:'''Pleakley''': And we wouldn't want to fail there! In front of all your friends. ''[Lilo is shocked and embarrassed by the comment]'' Imagine how embarrassing that'd be!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[625 returns after picking up groceries]''
:'''625''': Hey, Gantu! So, I'm at the galley, getting some from fresh cold-cuts, and guess what I find nestled in with the tomatoes! TADA! ''[holds up an experiment pod marked 611]''
:'''Gantu''': An experiment?! Give me that! ''[swipes the pod from 625 and looks up 611 from the container computer]''
:'''Computer''': Experiment 611. Primary function: ultimate super weapon.
:'''625''': Wow! I found that?! Great! So, can I take early retirement?
:''[Gantu contacts Hämsteviel, who is wearing pajamas and holding a teddy bear]''
:'''Hämsterviel''': Gantu, you know not to call during my power nap!
:'''Gantu''': My apologies, sir, but I thought you'd like to know that ''I'' recovered an ultimate super weapon experiment for you!
:'''625''': What?! 
:'''Hämsterviel''': Stop making absurd with your absurdities! You could never manage such an important capture!
:'''625''': He didn't! I--
:'''Gantu''': ''[pushes 625 down]'' I'll have it in the transporter within the hour, sir.
:'''Hämsterviel''': Excellent! Now get out there and find me another experiment! ''[turns off contact]''
:'''Computer''': Warning. Experiment 604 activated. Primary function: invisibility generator.
:'''Gantu''': That's one of the pods I lost to the little girl. If I find her, I find the experiment.
:'''625''': Hey, squid breath! Taking credit for my capture is ''bad'' karma! As in... '''YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS!!!'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo uses 604, now named [[w:Harry Houdini|Houdini]], to help Stitch with his magic act; Mertle sees Houdini and takes his picture, flash-blinding him and accidentally making Stitch and all of Mertle's party favors and houseinvisible]''
:'''Aunt Stacy''': ''[dials on her phone]'' Barry? Stacy. I am standing here looking at the star of your next prime time special! Send me a camera crew.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu stalks an invisible who Houdini with heat vision goggles]''
:'''Gantu''': You're invisibility won't help you this time, runt. These goggles see heat! ''[his cell phone rings, causing Houdini to run away]'' 625, what do you want?!
:'''625''': Have you told Hämsterviel that I caught the super weapon yet?!
:'''Gantu''': Don't ever call me while I'm working!
:'''625''': ''BAD KARMA!!!''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo realizes that she accidentally grabbed an invisible Houdini while Gantu ran off with an invisible Stitch]''
:'''Pleakley''': Lookie here. I promised Mertle's Aunt Stacy the Stupendous Stitch would make a lighthouse disappear! And by golly, she's going to get the Stupendous Stitch MAKING A LIGHTHOUSE DISAPPEAR!
:''[Houdini, frightened by Pleakley disappears and runs off]''
:'''Lilo''': You spooked him! Houdini, wait! Great. No Stitch, no Houdini, and national TV waiting! Could it get any worse?!
:'''Jumba''': And don't forget, not-so-friendly friend Mertle is waiting to ridicule you. ''[laughs]''
:'''Lilo''': Right. Thanks for reminding me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu runs off with what appears to be an invisible Houdini]''
:'''Lilo''': Stitch! I can't believe you just gave him... ''[Houdini turns visible again]'' Houdini?! You gave him the empty container. That's quite a magic trick, Mr. Stupendous.
:'''Stitch''': Thank you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Gantu''': What do you mean the container is empty?!
:'''Hämsterviel''': '''''EMPTY!!!!''''' Like your head, you worthless lackey!
:'''Gantu''': May, I remind that I captured Experiment 611, the ultimate super weapon?!
:'''Hämsterviel''': You were looking at it '''''UPSIDE DOWN!!!''''' You sent me Experiment 119, a sticky chocolate experiment designed to smother with it's gooey sweetness! ''[119 (AKA Fudgy) covers Hamsterviel with chocolate]'' Help! Help! Gantu! You will pay for this!
:'''Gantu''': ''[to 625; threateningly]'' If you say one word--
:'''625''': Karma! Karma, karma, karma! ''[Gantu hits him]'' OWWW!!!

== ''Sinker (Experiment 602)'' [1.24] ==
:''[Keoni is waxing a sailboat as Lilo and Stitch arrive]''
:'''Lilo''': Hey, Keoni!
:'''Keoni''': Hey, Lilo. Thanks for coming out. You bring the stopwatch?
:'''Lilo''': Yep. You think you're gonna qualify for the boat race?
:'''Keoni''': Trying to. If I don't practice I don't have a chance. First prize is a new outrigger. I'll signal you when I'm past the break.
:'''Lilo''': ''[to Stitch]'' And if I help him win, I bet there'll be a free boat ride included for me. ''[pulls out a peanut butter sandwich from her bag]'' You set up the chairs, I'm gonna go feed Pudge. I'll be right back.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu arrives at the Rental Hut, disguised as a tourist]''
:'''Gantu''': Hello. My name is Mr. John Bob Jonesmith. I'm a normal Earth tourist, and I would like to rent a boat.
:'''Nani''': You're not fooling anyone, ''Gantu''.
:'''625''': Told ya, flounder face. Blubber's still blubber, no matter how you dress it up. Ice cream sandwich?
:'''Gantu''': Quiet, you! ''[to Nani]'' I require the use of a watercraft ''now''!
:'''Nani''': ''[smug]'' Fine. You wanna rent stuff? I'll rent you stuff!
:''[scene cuts to Gantu overly dressed in aquatic gear]''
:'''625''': Whoa! Captain Clam, what happened? Did the bait shop explode?
:'''Gantu''': She said I needed all this. Now, let's go! We've got an experiment to catch! ''[trips on his small flippers and crushes his boat]'' I think I crushed my dinghy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Jumba converts the buggy to a boat so Lilo and Stitch can capture 602' Jumba watches them via binoculars]''
:'''Pleakley''': See anything? How're they doing?
:'''Jumba''': Little girl and 626 are in position, but the waves keep rocking the boat, making it difficult to get a clear view. Back and forth... Up and down... ''[Pleakley's face turns green at the thought of the boat rocking]'' Back and forth... Up and down...
:'''Pleakley''': I think I'm gonna heave-ho! ''[topples over]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after the buggy was destroyed by Sinker, Lilo, Stitch, Jumba, and Pleakley hitch a ride on a cruse ship; Lilo plans to warn the captain about Sinker, but Stitch destroys the banquet hall]''
:'''Tiffany''': Well, it looks like someone's been a naughty-waughty dog, haven't they?
:'''Lilo''': Busted. 
:'''Tiffany''': I'm Tiffany, the cruise director. Are you just the cutest little girly-wirly? Woo, I could just eat you up!
:'''Lilo''': Please stop talking like that.
:'''Tiffany''': It's not a good idea for a cute little giddle-bumpkin like you to be wandering around unsupervised.
:'''Lilo''': We're on our way to see the captain.
:'''Tiffany''': ''[laughs]'' That is so cute! You wanna see the captain. Follow me.
:''[scene changes to Lilo and Stitch being stuck in the ships' kindergarten]''
:'''Lilo''': I knew she was too perky to be trusted!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch has successfully captured Sinker; Gantu and 625 are trapped on a desert island]''
:'''625''': Well, look at the bright side, Mr. Blubber. Even ''you'' can't sink this. ''[carves a pile of sand to like a sandwich]'' ''Sand''-wich?
:''[Gantu angrily grabs 625, adding weight on his side of the island and tipping it over]''

== ''Nosy (Experiment 199)'' [1.25] ==
:''[Note: [[w:Bobcat Goldthwait|Bobcat Goldthwait]] (the voice of Pain from [[w:Hercules (1997 film)|Hercules]]) makes a surprise role as the voice of Nosy]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo, Stitch and Pleakley are having a [[w:poi|poi]] balloon fight in the house; Pleakley throws a balloon close to Nani as she arrives]''
:'''Nani''': Who threw that?!
:''[Lilo and Stitch point to Pleakley]''
:'''Pleakley''': I was just gardening! They lured me into their evil poi balloon battle!
:'''Nani''': Look at this kitchen! Mr. Jameson's gonna think I'm a total slob!
:'''Lilo''': Mr. Jameson? As in father of Keoni Jameson?
:'''Nani''': As in the son of my potential new boss! They're both coming to brunch tomorrow!
:'''Lilo''': Keoni's coming here?! You gotta clean up this mess, Nani. ''[Nani glares at her angrily]'' Well, Stitch and I are going to the movies. Gotta hurry to catch that first show!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch pins down Nosy after he spoils the movie for him and Lilo]''
:'''Nosy''': Hey, ow! What gives, blue guy?!
:'''Lilo''': Stitch, leave that kid alone!
:'''Stitch''': Naga kid! ''[pulls out Nosy's disguise]'' Cousin!
:'''Lilo''': Good eye.
:'''Nosy''': Yo, easy, Fido! I'm an alien experiment, not a dog toy.
:'''Lilo''': We know, and we're gonna help you find the one place where you truly belong.
:'''Nosy''': What are you, a greetin' card?
:''[Lilo unzips her bag]''
:'''Nosy''': Hey, what's in that bag of yours? ''[grabs the bag and looks through it]''
:'''Lilo''': Hey! 
:'''Nosy''': ''[pulls out Lilo's diary]'' Oooh, a diary!
:'''Stitch''': Agaba! ''[snatches the diary and gives it back to Lilo]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Jumba''': Ah! 199! One of my favorites.
:'''Lilo''': Says here he... &quot;digs up dirt&quot;?
:'''Jumba''': Not to be taken literally. 199 is like spy, designed to get nose into everybody's business.
:'''Nosy''': ''[walks in holding a book]'' Look what I found!
:'''Lilo''': My secret catalog of local vampires. I've been looking for that everywhere.
:'''Nosy''': Found it under 626's pillow!
:''[Lilo glares at Stitch, who then glares at Nosy]''
:'''Jumba''': ''[chuckles]'' You see? 199 is very nosy.
:'''Lilo''': Nosy, huh? Then why'd you make him?
:'''Jumba''': Why else? To humiliate enemies by digging up most embarrassing secrets. 199 is quite entertaining with so much juicy gossip, no?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Pleakley is forcing Lilo, Stitch, and Jumba to learn better etiquette for the Jamesons]''
:'''Pleakley''': ''[he blow the whistle]'' Roll-call, everybody dressed?
:'''Jumba''': Cannot breathing into tight disco pants, oh! Must drop anything.
:'''Stitch''': Ta-da. ''[he walks downstairs but he step his tie and he trips, rolling on downstairs to Lilo]'' Ta-da.
:'''Pleakley''': Hmmm... Actually, I was more comfortable with a dog disguise.
:'''Stitch''': Oh...
:'''Nani''': Pleakley, I got more eggs for the... AUGH! Pleakley! They're gonna be here in less than an hour! You're supposed to be cooking!
:'''Pleakley''': Don't worry your little head, Nani. The traditional [[w:yule log|yule log]] is roasting as we speak.
:'''Nani''': Yule log? But it's summer!
:'''Pleakley''': Well, Helen the hostess featured one on her show just yesterday. I think she knows what she's doing.
:'''Nani''': That was a '''rerun!''' Yule logs are for December, and they're not food! ''[doorbell rings]'' Whoever it is, tell them to...
:'''Mr. Jameson''': Aloha. We thought we'd arrive early to help, that's what Aloha hospitality is all about.
:'''Nani''': ''[chuckles]'' Right. Come on in.
:'''Pleakley''': You know, Helen the hostess says, it's rude to arrive before...''[Nani elbows him]''
:'''Nani''': Um...Mr. Jameson, this is my Aunt Pleakley, my Uncle Jumba, my sister Lilo and our...dog. Who dresses up sometimes.
:'''Jumba''': So nice for to be making your acquaintance seeing, Mr. Emerson.
:'''Pleakley''': It's Jameson, dear. ''[chuckles]'' He's not good with names. Sometimes forgets mine. ''[chuckles]'' 
:'''Lilo''': Hey, Keoni.
:'''Keoni''': Sup, Lilo.
:'''Nosy''': Guess what I found out? Jumba, Pleakley, and Stitch, they're all aliens! But, hey! Who am I'm a judge? I'm an alien, too!
:''[Nani gasped]''
:'''Mr. Jameson''': I beg your pardon?
:'''Nosy''': Hey, you're Keoni! Lilo keeps a bunch of pictures of you in her diary. ''[as Stitch drags him and walks off]'' Boy, does she have a crush on you.
:'''Lilo''': Oh, no.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch gives Nosy to Gantu to keep him out of the way during Mr. Jameson's visit]''
:'''Nosy''': Hello, shorty! Hey, you're Gantu, the big dummy Lilo drew all those pictures of.
:'''Gantu''': Well, yes. I mean, no! I mean-- Who are you?! 
:'''Nosy''': Experiment 199, at your service!
:'''Gantu''': 199?! I've been searching for you since your activation!
:'''625''': Who is this guy? The big-nose experiment?
:'''Gantu''': It's the snooping experiment! The foolish Earth girl and the trog gave it to me!
:'''Nosy''': You mean Lilo and Stitch? Boy, do I got some dirt on them!
:'''Gantu''': Really? Tel me everything you know about their experiment files.
:'''Nosy''': Who cares about the experiments? You should hear about the love letters I found in Jumba's drawer!
:'''625''': Ooh, I'm all ears!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu, annoyed by Nosy's talking, sends him to Hämsterviel]''
:'''Hämsterviel''': Tell me, you unattractive talking experiment with such a gigantic nose, what do Gantu and 625 say about me?
:'''Nosy''': Not much. They mostly just sit around making up names for you. Rat-face...
:'''Hämsterviel''': What?!
:'''Nosy''': Hämsterjerk...
:'''Hämsterviel''': What?!
:'''Nosy''': Geisterviel!
:'''Hämsterviel''': WHAT?!
:'''Nosy''': If you want, I should repeat them?
:'''Hämsterviel''': NO!! I reject you and your huge nose! I'm sending you back to Gantu with some unflattering nicknaming of my own! ''[teleports Nosy back to Gantu's ship]''
:'''625''': ''[notices Nosy]'' Hey! ''[throws his magazine at Gantu]''
:'''Gantu''': HEY!!
:'''625''': The town gossip's back!
:'''Gantu''': You again?!
:'''Nosy''': Snagged rat-face's journal! It's gold!
:'''Gantu''': Really?
:'''Nosy''': Did you know Hämsterviel sleeps with a pacifier? He also wears platform shoes to make him look threatening. ''[Gantu takes the journal]'' And his dental habits, don't get me started!
:'''Gantu''': ''[whispers to 625]'' Get rid of him.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''625''': Gantu wears what?!
:'''Nosy''': He wears bunny slippers. I saw him waking around in them.
:'''625''': Get out!
:'''Gantu''': Keep it down out there!
:'''Nosy''': Wanna hear about Gantu's obsession with karaoke?
:'''625''': Pray tell!

== ''Finder (Experiment 158)'' [1.26] ==
:''[Note: This episode misnumbers Finder as 458]

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch find Experiment 158]''
:'''Lilo''': He sure is a cute little fella.
:'''Stitch''': Humph!
:'''Lilo''': But not as cute as you, Stitch. Now, we just have to figure out what he can do.
:'''Nani''': ''[dashes in]'' Has anyone seen my keys?! I am so late! My boss is gonna fire me so hard. ''[opens Stitch's mouth]'' Did you eat them?!
:'''Stitch''': Oh, no.
:''[158 dashes into the kitchen and sniffs around a bit, and then honks and points at the fridge]''
:'''Nani''': Oh, I don't have time for this! Lilo! Your experiment's hungry!
:'''Stitch''': ''[opens the fridge and grabs Nani's keys]'' Egata! Haka!
:'''Nani''': My keys! ''[realizes]'' What were they doing in the fridge?
:'''Lilo''': Wow! He must be able to find things. I'm gonna name you Finder. I bet Finder's even better and finding stuff than you, Stitch.
:''[Stitch growls angrily and then dashes into the living room and rips up the couch, pulling out some items and showing them to Lilo]''
:'''Lilo''': Paper clip, nail file, 14 cents, and a... ''[pulls out a piece of paper]'' Jury duty summons.
:'''Nani''': ''[snatches the paper]'' That's mine.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch is playing a poker game with Ritcher, Cannonball, Yin, and Yang, and Yang ends up winning with four aces, claiming a stack of cookies, as Lilo and Finder return home]''
:'''Lilo''': We really got Mertle good, didn't we? 
:'''Nani''': ''[getting herself ready for a date while putting on some earrings]'' Who got Mertle good? 
:'''Lilo''': Finder and me. Finder was a better show and tell than her boring old doll. 
:'''Stitch''': ''[sulks in disappointment]'' Oh. 
:'''Nani''': Gloating isn't nice, Lilo. 
:'''Lilo''': ''[confused]'' What's gloating? 
:'''Nani''': Gloating is when you're happy about being better than someone else, but in a mean way. 
:'''Lilo''': But Mertle does that all the time. 
:'''Nani''': You wanna be like Mertle? 
:'''Lilo''': No.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after Jumba and Pleakley receive a message from the Grand Councilwoman that Hämsterviel escaped prison]''
:'''Pleakley''': I can't believe it. The Grand Councilwoman of the Galactic Federation never calls us unless.. ''[grabs Jumba by his shirt]'' INTERGALACTIC ANNIHILATION IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER!!! '''WHAT DO WE DO?!?'''
:'''Jumba''': First step is to be gaining composure and LETTING GO OF ME!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Hämsterviel, trying to escape from Finder, bumps into Mertle outside the pet shop]''
:'''Mertle''': A talking gerbil!
:'''Hämsterviel''': I AM NOT A GERBIL!! And what are you staring at, you multiple-eyed biped? Have you never before seen a criminal genius? ''[Mertle picks him up and puts him in her backpack]'' Unhand me, or I will have you and all members of your family ruined in-physically!
:'''Mertle''': Wait'll I take ''him'' to show-and-tell.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu is forced by 625 to make sandwiches for him]''
:'''625''': No, no, no. You're slicing them too thick! You have to be able to fit'em in your mouth. Well, ''my'' mouth, which is much smaller than your grotesque maw. Now, lay some mustard on me, baby!
:'''Computer''': Incoming communication from...
:'''Grand Councilwoman''': Grand Councilwoman of the Galactic Federation.
:''[Gantu pushes 625 and the sandwich ingredients aside]''
:'''Grand Councilwoman''': Gantu, I have an offer for you. If you're successful, it could mean reinstatement of your captain's rank.
:'''Gantu''': I'll do anything!
:'''Grand Councilwoman''': But you haven't heard what it is yet!
:'''Gantu''': I don't care! ''Lay some mustard on me, baby!'' I mean, ma'am. Terribly sorry. Please, go ahead.
:'''Grand Councilwoman''': It's about the escape Dr. Hämsterviel. I know you are... associated with him. But if you capture him and turn him over to us, all will be forgiven.
:''[Gantu chuckles evilly]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch is in the animal shelter after failing to catch Hämsterviel at Mertle's house]''
:'''Lilo''': Stitch? Stitch, what were you doing at Mertle's?
:'''Stitch''': Oh... Hämsterviel.
:'''Lilo''': You were trying to find Hämsterviel without us? But why? ''[Stitch sees Finder and growls at him]'' Oh. 'Cause you wanted to find him before Finder did. ''[guilty]'' I guess I kinda made you feel inferior, huh? Stitch, you're number one at so many things. You shouldn't be upset if you aren't number one at everything. 
:'''Stitch''': ''[sighs]'' Okay, okay.
:'''Lilo''': Besides, Finder made a mistake. Hämsterviel's not at Mertle's.
:''[Stitch chuckles, knowing otherwise]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Mertle is talking to Hämsterviel]''
:'''Mertle''': And I'm sorta the leader of these girls. But sometimes, I think they don't even like me.
:'''Hämsterviel''': Ah! That is your first mistake! It doesn't matter if your minions like you. They only need to ''fear'' you!
:'''Mertle''': Huh. I never thought about that way. ''[hears a ship landing outside]'' Now what? 
:'''Gantu''': Dr. Hämsterviel, I am here to apprehend you on orders of the Galactic Federation!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu kidnaps Hämsterviel and Mertle and taking them to the Grand Councilwoman]''
:'''Mertle''': This looks familiar.
:'''Hämsterviel''': I cannot believe this aquatic excuse for a captain! He has turned on me!
:'''Mertle''': It's like you said: Where's the loyalty?
:'''Hämsterviel''': Gantu is a disgrace! You, a mere child of a primate peoples, could do his job a hundred... no, a ''thousand'' times better!
:'''Mertle''': I could?
:'''Hämsterviel''': Believe me, you could! Perhaps, when you have completed your education, you could come work for me!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch pulls on a panel in Gantu's ship, causing it to crash land]''
:'''Gantu''': Now I won't be able to deliver Hämsterviel to the Councilwoman!
:'''Grand Councilwoman''': No need to worry about that. I came to you. Guards? ''[her guards go into Gantu's ship to take Hämsterviel]''
:'''Gantu''': I fulfilled my part of the bargain. I caught Hämsterviel! Where is my reward?
:'''Grand Councilwoman''': I suppose you do...
:'''Lilo''': Where's Mertle?!
:'''Grand Councilwoman''': What is a... Mertle?
:'''Lilo''': She's a little girl, like me. Gantu grabbed her when he took Hämsterviel!
:'''Grand Councilwoman''': ''[to Gantu]'' Is this true?
:'''Gantu''': Oh, uh, I'm not sure. I haven't really looked. I suppose it's possible.
:'''Grand Councilwoman''': So, you put an innocent girl in danger. ''[sighs]'' You always did have a problem with ethics. My offer is therefore rescinded.
:''[the Grand Councilwoman's guards carry Hämsterviel to her ship]''
:'''Hämsterviel''': Let me go, you wretched olive-shaped woman with backwards legs! 
:'''Grand Councilwoman''': ''[to Lilo]'' The Galactic Federation thanks you for your help. 
:'''Lilo''': Yeah. I only wish I knew what happened to... ''[hears a whirring sound]'' Stitch!
:''[Stitch holds onto to a hovering Finder and lands on the ground; Lilo runs up to Stich and they hug]''
:'''Grand Councilwoman''': Experiment 626, if anyone deserves a reward for finding Dr. Hämsterviel, it is you.
:'''Stitch''': ''[guilty]'' Hmm... Finder did it.
:''[Finder honks happily]''
:'''Grand Councilwoman''': Yes, Experiment 458 managed to ''track'' Dr. Hämsterviel, but without your courage and daring, he would not have been apprehended. But it's good of you to share the credit.

== ''Slushy (Experiment 523)'' [1.27] ==
:''[Gantu is trying to fix the ship's air conditioner during a heat wave]''
:'''Gantu''': Stupid broken air conditioner! ''[the air conditioner explodes]'' Blitznak! I hate this heat!
:'''625''': Aww, poor little guppy. Say, would I nice warm cup of tea help? Maybe some pipin' hot tomato soup. I can make you a cheeseburger.
:'''Computer''': Warning. Experiment 523 activated.
:'''Gantu''': Oh, a freeze inducer! Perfect! I'll turn this sweltering mud ball into something livable. 
:'''625''': ''[grilling burgers]'' Hey, Gantu. You want yours medium or well done?
:'''Gantu''': Knock it off!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[523 freezes Kauai via helicopter; Jumba works on Splodyhead/Experiment 619, who Jumba misnumbers as &quot;515&quot;]''
:'''Jumba''': Five Fifteen, your thermostat is adjusted. Hot wave should no longer overheat you.
:'''Splodyhead''': Ih! ''[crawls away]''
:'''Jumba''': ''[chuckles]'' Don't mention it!
:'''Pleakley''': Splodyhead! Beware, beware! Jumba, we're being invaded. Millions of little white aliens are landing outside as we speak!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch goes to Waialeale Peak to find Slushy]''
:'''Lilo''': The little troublemaker is gonna freeze the whole island if we don't get him. It's icy, so be careful not to... ''[slides down the slope, alerting Slushy]'' ...slip.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch captures Slushy and brings him back to the house, which has just thawed out]''
:'''Pleakley''': Finally! The sun is back, and so are you! You must've caught the little snow monster.
:'''Lilo''': His name is Slushy.
:'''Pleakley''': Oh, thank the kings of Groovplok 5! No more of that freezing cold snow! It's awful! Just awful!
:'''Jumba''': Eh, actually it's not awful enough. Only makes everything cold and wet. No, not very evil at all.
:'''Lilo''': But it makes snow, and that's good. You can slide on it, throw it at each other, even make snow zombies out of it. So... wanna try it with me?
:'''Stitch, Jumba and Pleakley''': No!
:'''Lilo''': Well, fine! Go inside! I am gonna play in the snow! ''[lets Slushy out of his container]'' Alright, Slushy. Do your stuff! But only for my house!
:''[Slushy uses his ice breath to make it snow all over Lilo's house]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu captures Slushy and makes him freeze Kauai over]'' 
:'''Lilo''': Good thing you like snow now, huh, Stitch?
:'''Jumba''': Indeed! Experiment 523 works better than ever dreamed! If ice spewing continues, entire island would be transformed from tropical paradise to frozen tundra forever! Is very evil after all! ''[laughs maniacally but then stops to see Lilo and Stitch glaring at him]'' Oh, right. Not big fans of evil. Sorry!

== ''Dupe (Experiment 344)'' [1.28] ==
:''[Gantu storms back into his ship after losing another experiment to Lilo and Stitch]''
:'''Gantu''': I don't want any of your lip!
:'''625''': I didn't say any--
:'''Gantu''': ''[smacks 625's sandwich out of his hand]'' I told you to zip it, you sandwich-making freak!
:'''625''': Oh, look what you did to my tuna on rye!
:'''Gantu''': ''[suddenly guilty]'' I'm sorry. I didn't mean it.
:'''625''': Hey, hey, hey. You obviously had a bad day. You wanna talk about it?
:'''Gantu''': Well.... alright. It's that trog! Always besting me! I just can't take it anymore! Uh, you're not offended when I call him a trog, are you? Because, after all, ''you're'' a trog.
:'''625''': Please! Don't you worry about me. This is about you. Why don't you tell me a little about your childhood?
:'''Gantu''': I haven't thought about that in a while. Well, my father was very authoritarian, so I didn't have many friends. No friends, actually.
:'''625''': Yeah, go on...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch take Dupe to their house]''
:'''Jumba''': Hmm, here is experiment I have not been seeing in a long time.
:'''Lilo''': What does it do?
:'''Jumba''': Experiment 344 is duplicator. It can make multiple copies of anyone or anything. Designed to make infinite number of weapons. ''[Stitch looks at Dupe's antenna while having a lollipop]'' Careful of the antenna, 626. You might duplicate yourself.
:'''Stitch''': Oh, yeah! ''[uses Dupe's antenna to clone a lollipop for Lilo and then makes him clone an entire stack of cakes so he could chow down]''
:'''Lilo''': Cool! All the lollipops you can eat! ''[tastes her lollipop]'' Mmm, good... but there's something different. Is this low-cal?
:'''Jumba''': Yes. Experiment 344 was failure. Duplicates were not as powerful as original.
:''[Stitch finishes off the stack of cakes]''
:'''Lilo''': Better watch out, Stitch, or you'll lose your girlish figure.
:'''Jumba''': Eh, actually, no. Duplicates have less than original of everything, including fat and calories.
:'''Pleakley''': ''[barges in dressed as a park ranger]'' Hold everything! As official adult guardian of your slumber party tonight, I don't want that thing wreaking havoc! Nani put me in charge while she's gone, and I'm not letting her down! I got everything planned: pillow fight at 6:00, toenail painting at 7:00, aromatherapy facial's at 8 bells, gossiping about boys will be sprinkled about as spontaneous intervals.
:'''Lilo''': What about light as a feather, stiff as a board?
:'''Pleakley''': Hmm, inducing levitation. Shouldn't take longer than a half hour. I'll pencil ya in at 6:30.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu is continuing telling his childhood story to 625]''
:'''Gantu''': Then, when I was 12, I was excluded from peer group's parties. 
:'''625''': Let me stop your there. I understand your problem.
:'''Gantu''': You do?
:'''625''': It's obvious: your life is a boring failure! I wouldn't wanna be you, either! All you do is whine &quot;It's all the trog's fault!&quot;
:'''Gantu''': You said you wanted to hear it!
:'''625''': I didn't it would be so tedious!
:'''Gantu''': Daddy always said to trust no one. Why haven't I learned?!
:'''625''': Don't you feel better now?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[at Lilo and Stitch's slumber party, Yin, Yang, Richter, and Cannonball are having a big pillow fight]''
:'''Pleakley''': We're done with the pillow fight phase and have moved on to the facial phase! Come on, people! Stick to the schedule!
:''[the experiments stare at each other and then start hitting Pleakley with their pillows]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo accidentally clones Stitch with Dupe after wanting more friends; she takes the clones to her hula class]''
:'''Lilo''': Hey, guys. I missed you at my slumber party.
:'''Mertle''': We have a scheduling conflict.
:'''Lilo''': That's okay. Let me introduce you to my new friends. ''[the three Stitches clean their noses with their tongues]''
:'''Mertle''': There goes hula class.
:'''Lilo''': By the way, I'm having another slumber party tonight, with a levitation.
:'''Mertle''': Oh, really?
:'''Lilo''': Yep. Only this time, you're not invited. Right, guys?
:'''All three Stitches''': ''YYYEEEEAAAAAHHHH!!''
:'''Lilo''': It's good to have a posse.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[with the help of Heat, Thresher, Plasmoid, and Hammerface, Gantu has succeeded in capturing all four Stitches; he rings a bell for 625, nothing happens]''
:'''Gantu''': Ahem! I rang the bell!
:'''625''': You can forget it! I'm not coming out!
:'''Gantu''': Fine! Plasmoid?
:''[Plasmoid readies a shot from his tail]''
:'''625''': Alright, alright! ''[comes out dressed as a butler]'' Happy now?
:'''Gantu''': I want you to make a victory feast for my brave warriors.
:'''625''': 'Kay. Victory feast. With or without crust?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo tricks Gantu into using Dupe to clone a hundred of Heat, Thresher, Plasmoid, and Hammerface, making them too weak against the Pleakley clones while she merges all 4 Stitches back into the original]''
:'''Gantu''': I don't understand. My army, they're so weak! You tricked me!
:'''Lilo''': Yep. It's a side effect. United you stand, but divided you're a whole mess of weaklings.

== ''Shortstuff (Experiment 297)'' [1.29] ==
:''[Lilo and Stitch go to the carnival; Gantu and 625 are also at the carnival; Gantu is failing at the ring toss game]''
:'''Gantu''': Stupid ring toss game! Must be rigged to prevent my winningǃ
:'''625''': I didn't have a problem. ''[holding up his stuffed elephant]'' And I finally have something interesting to talk to. Ain't that right, Mr. Puffles? ''[hugs the elephant]''
:'''Gantu''': ''[throws and misses a bottle again]'' Oh, poo! Why did we come to this primitive Earth recreation area anyway?
:'''625''': Hey, to see that! ''[runs towards the World's Largest Sandwich display]'' A sandwich to end all sandwiches! The world record-holder in loaf size, meat density, and mayo per square inch! Oh, I gotta taste!
:'''Gantu''': ''[grabs 625]'' Stop it! We're trying to ''blend in'' on this planet!
:'''625''': Just one bite! ONE BITE!
:'''Gantu''': Even your big mouth couldn't bite that monstrosity!
:'''625''': I'm willing to die trying!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Gantu''': Experiment 297: Designed to sabotage mechanical and electrical devices.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch are trying to find a device in order to make Stitch bigger so he could be tall enough to go on the rides; Pleakley comes in after baking a pineapple shortcake]''
:'''Pleakley''': What are you two doing?
:'''Lilo''': Stitch wants Jumba's help.
:'''Pleakley''': He's off-planet, doing his community service. He's a convicted evil genius, you know! But maybe I can help.
:'''Lilo''': See... Stitch is looking for evil genius help, not Pleakley help.
:'''Pleakley''': Hey! I can do more than cook and clean, you know! I was trained in Galactic Alliance Community College! I would make a perfectly acceptable substitute evil genius.
:'''Lilo''': Well... okay. Stitch thinks he needs to be bigger. I think he's wrong, but...
:'''Pleakley''': Hmm... A little conundrum of molecular resizefication, eh?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[while Lilo and Pleakley try to shrink Stitch back to normal size, Shortstuff comes in and sabotages the size ray, making him grow to a humongous size and terrorize Kokaua Town]''
:'''Lilo''': Okay, we gotta get everyone back to normal size.
:'''Pleakley''': But we can't possibly shrink 297 now! We need an extension cord of impossible length! Oh, how will we stop that monstrosity?! How, I ask?!
:'''Stitch''': ''[holds out the size ray]'' Meega bigger! 
:'''Pleakley''': Hmm.... fight bigger with bigger, eh? So, instead of one giant monster, we'll have two. ''[Stitch nods in agreement]'' It's so crazy, it just might work! ''[aims the ray at Stitch to make him bigger.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch and Shortstuff, now gigantic size, get ready to fight each other]''
:'''Lilo''': These [[w:King Kong vs. Godzilla|big monster battles]] never turn out well.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Jumba returns and shrinks Stitch to his normal size to fight Shortstuff]''
:'''Pleakley''': I know I could use some practice, but if you need a substitute evil genius again, I...
:'''Jumba''': Oh, no! You are like 626, best made for one true purpose.
:'''Pleakley''': You mean being a high-ranking official in the Galactic Alliance?
:'''Jumba''': No, I mean disguising self like ugly Earth female! ''[laughs]'' &quot;Official!&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Yuki''': Hey, look. Lilo's back with her little tiny friend.
:'''Lilo''': He's not tiny. He's just right.
:'''Stitch''': Perfecto!
:'''Mertle''': That's so sweet! Now get to the back of the line! We're gonna on the ride before you!
:'''Ride Operator''': OK, next! ''[sees Lilo and Stitch]'' Oh, hey, little miss! Come on in. You know you brought me the most popular ride in the carnival.
:''[Mertle is shocked that Lilo and Stitch go on the ride, which is really Shortstuff]''

== ''Angel (Experiment 624)'' [1.30] ==
:''[Lilo and Stitch find Pleakley watching TV]''
:'''Lilo''': What are you watching?
:'''Pleakley''': ''America's Gushiest Home Love Stories''. Love-crazed Earthlings send in homemade video documentation of their absurd courtship rituals. It's absolutely fascinating!
:'''Stitch''': Blah! Love icky!
:'''Lilo''': Ah, come on, Stitch. You gotta believe in love.
:'''Pleakley''': Lilo's right. Just you wait. Someday, you'll find another little monster who shares your likes and dislikes. Who finds your little quirks just oh-so adorable.
:'''Stitch''': Ah, kachaka!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch finds Angel, but is love-struck by her beauty]''
:'''Lilo''': Stitch, what's the matter?! She's a nasty one! Grab her before she eats us!
:'''Stitch''': Naga. Tee bokany ba boojiboo! ''[Angel lovingly licks him]''
:'''Lilo''': She's no boochiboo! She's one of Jumba's evil experiments!
:'''Stitch''': Naga! Tee bokany ba boojiboo!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Angel sneaks back into Gantu's ship]''
:'''625''': Hello, hotcakes! I thought you went the whole &quot;captured-by-the-little-girl-and-turned-good&quot; route.
:'''Gantu''': Ha! Shows how much ''you'' know! She's right on schedule.
:'''625''': &quot;On schedule&quot;? You mean, you actually ''planned'' all this? The whole chase? Losing the experiment? You slipping on the coconuts and falling on your keister? All of it?!
:'''Gantu''': Well, the keister part was... improvised. All is going according to plan. The trog's household is infiltrated and Jumba's database compromised. Contact with the other repurposed experiments begins... tomorrow!
:''[Angel smiles evilly]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo learns that Angel's song turns experiment evil and hearing it in reverse reverts them back to good; Angel feels guilty for Stitch about to beaten by the experiments turned evil, so she sings her song backwards to revert them back to good and helps them escape]''
:'''Lilo''': Stitch! What happened to Angel? Bet you had to use your super strength to do her in!
:'''Stitch''': Naga. Angel save Stitch. ''[Angel comes out]''
:'''Lilo''': No kidding? 
:'''Stitch''': Gotta believe in love!

== ''Felix (Experiment 010, also called &quot;Oscar&quot;)'' [1.31] ==
:'''Hämsterviel''': Gantu! I'm sending Experiment 010 back to you! He's driving me bananas!
:'''Gantu''': No! Please! I--
:'''Hämsterviel''': And no fishy-lip whining or complaining or making with the &quot;Please, don't send it back!&quot;
:'''Gantu''': But-- Very well. 
:'''625''': You do have fishy lips, you know.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch capture 010 after it cleans up the beach]''
:'''Jumba''': Little girl and 626, meet Experiment 010.
:'''Lilo''': I'm naming him Felix... because on TV, all neat freaks are named Felix.
:'''Stitch''': Aloha, neat freak. ''[hugs Felix]''
:'''Lilo''': You should've seen him cleaning up that beach. He was all &quot;voop, voop, voop!&quot; and &quot;poop, poop, poop!&quot; with his nose!
:'''Jumba''': Nose?! Ha! Is not just rodementary O-factoring device. He is sophisticated biosystem of tiny brushes and hormonal detergents. 010 has threefold duty: 1. Automatically tidy up all messes. 2. Digest process all garbage and trash. And 3. Antisceptisize against all unhealthy germs and sources of filth.
:'''Lilo''': So he's hung up on dirt, just like Nani and Pleakley.
:'''Pleakley''': I heard that! You're talking about me! ''[sees Felix]'' AAAHHHH!! Mele kiliiki maaka! Another monster in the house?! No, no, no! I forbid it!
:'''Lilo''': But Felix is just like you. You two would probably get along great.
:'''Pleakley''': Are you kidding? It's nothing but a walking sack of Jumba's evil geniusness. It's dangerous!
:'''Lilo''': Jumba, he's not dangerous, is he?
:'''Jumba''': If I am remembering correctly, 010 cannot tell difference between dirt for cleaning up and unbathed evil genius for leaving alone. But I'm quite certain a fixed that ''looooong'' ago. Yes, now little 010 is so gentle, would not hurt even tiniest Earth fly.
:''[Unbeknownst to the other characters, Felix shoots a laser out of his nose, vaporizing a fly]''
:'''Felix''': Dirty!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Pleakley has grown attached to Felix ever since he cleaned up the house]''
:'''Pleakley''': Laundry pressed and starched, linoleum buffed to a blinding polish. Ah, it doesn't get any better.
:'''Lilo''': Pleakley, your &quot;soulmate&quot; just threw out my collection of seashells that look like presidents.
:'''Pleakley''': Salty sea junk? Who cares?
:'''Lilo''': And it chucked out Stitch's bed!
:'''Pleakley''': Worm-eaten pineapple crate? So what?
:'''Jumba''': I have been working on cure for pesky Earth viruses. Has anyone seen my petri dish cultures?
:'''Pleakley''': Care for the common cold? Better off without out!
:''[Felix comes in and sniffs Pleakley's sewing machine]''
:'''Felix''': Dirty!
:'''Lilo''': ''[smug]'' Trashy old sewing machine? Who needs it?
:'''Pleakley''': Yeah. Just a heap of scrap metal... ''[snaps out of it]'' WAIT!!! That's not trash! It's retro! IT'S RETROOOOO!!!! 
:''[Felix sucks up the sewing machine through his nose and shoots into the trash]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Felix has Lilo, Stitch and Jumba trapped in their own house]''
:'''Jumba''': Uh-oh. I am just remembering: I did not fix flaw in 010's programming.
:'''Lilo''': ''[sarcastically]'' Great. ''Now'' you remember. So what was the flaw?
:'''Jumba''': Logic problem in 010's third function: anticeptisize against all unhealthy germs and sources of filth, which is what he sees ''us'' as. Filthy huge germs to anticeptisize.
:'''Lilo''': That's something like taking a bath, right?
:'''Jumba''': Yes, like taking a bath. The last bath you'll ever take!
:''[Lilo gasps in fright]''
:'''Felix''': '''''Dirty, dirty, dirty!!!'''''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Jumba has just finished making modifications on Felix]''
:'''Jumba''': Presenting 010.2, the upgrade. Reversed polarity, so is no longer obsessively neat.
:'''Lilo''': Well... Let's try him out. ''[pours some cereal on the floor]''
:'''Pleakley''': Oh, what price science.
:'''Jumba''': ''[chuckles]'' See? No reaction at all to big mess-making.
:''[Lilo smashes the cereal by jumping on it; Felix hops over to the mess and takes a deep breath]''
:'''Lilo''': Hey, what's he doing?
:'''Jumba''': I'm evil genius, not fortune teller.
:''[Felix blows the mess with his nose, making an entire mess of the kitchen]''
:'''Lilo''': Now Felix in an [[w:Oscar the Grouch|Oscar]], a total dirt freak!
:'''Felix''': Dirty, dirty, dirty! ''[Stitch shoves him into a container]''
:'''Jumba''': Interesting. Perhaps I have reversed polarity tiniest bit too much.
:'''Pleakley''': Gee, ya think?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu has just finished cleaning up his ship]''
:'''Gantu''': There, finally got the place clean.
:'''625''': Uh-uh-uh! You missed a spot! The entire kitchen!
:'''Gantu''': ''[sighs, notices a wrapped box outside the ship]'' Say... ''[pulls out the tag]'' &quot;Best wishes from Lilo and Stitch.&quot;  ''[opens the box to reveal Felix]'' Experiment 010! You're back! We never should've let you go! 
:''[Gantu takes Felix into the ship]''
:'''Gantu''': 625, look, it's-- Hey, what's he doing?
:'''625''': I don't know, but I don't like it.
:''[Felix messes up the ship]''
:'''Gantu''': &lt;big&gt;AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!&lt;/big&gt;

== ''Poxy (Experiment 222)'' [1.32] ==
:''[Pleakley has contracted Experiment 222 in his body while eating breakfast cereal, causing him to break out in purple spots and burp uncontrollably]''
:'''Pleakley''': Oh, the pain, the torment, ''[burps]'' the acid reflex. Help me....
:'''Lilo''': Pleakley?! What happened to you?
:'''Stitch''': ''[sniff's Pleakley's feet]'' Ah! Stinky!
:'''Lilo''': Wow. You're covered in purple pimples.
:'''Pleakley''': And my eye's swelled, and I'm burping uncontrollably.
:'''Lilo''': ''[thinks a bit]'' No problem. We'll fix you.
:''[she and Stitch leave the room and come back dresses as surgeons]''
:'''Lilo''': Okay, we're ready!
:'''Pleakley''': ''[nervously]'' Ready? ''[burps]'' Ready for what?
:'''Lilo''': To operate!
:'''Stitch''': ''[pulls out a chainsaw]'' Tooki bah wah bah!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after losing Gantu at the medical clinic, Lilo, Stitch, and Pleakley return to their house]''
:'''Jumba''': Okey-dokey. Is simple plan. I use reducer ray to shrink 626 to microscopic teeny-tiny size. Then pilot ex-buggy inside Pleakley and capture 222.
:'''Lilo''': Hey, how'd you get the buggy in here?
:'''Jumba''': Oh, simple: cup opener- It's not important. What ''is'' important is...
:'''Lilo''': THAT I DRIVE!!!
:'''Jumba''': You make joke! This is no job for to little girl!
:'''Stitch''': Yana poola! Ichi boh boh!
:'''Jumba''': Lilo drives.
:'''Lilo''': YAY!!
:'''Pleakley''': Oh, you're gonna let the little girl drive around ''MY INSIDES?!?''
:'''Jumba''': What could I do? There is no arguing with &quot;ichi boh boh&quot;, hmm?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch defeat Gantu by making him contract Poxy]''
:'''625''': Amazing! You've finally caught an experiment!
:'''Gantu''': I didn't want to catch it like this. These pimples itch! How come ''you're'' not sick?
:'''625''': Chicken soup salad sandwiches!
:'''Gantu''': Can I have one?
:'''625''': Sorry. Outta bread again.
:'''Gantu''': I hate this planet.

== ''Hunkahunka (Experiment 323)'' [1.33: Valentine's Day Special] ==
:''[Lilo runs into the house; Stitch is exhausted]''
:'''Lilo''': AAAAAH!!!! HE'S COMING! THIS IS A CATASTROPHE! HE'S ON HIS WAY RIGHT NOW!!
:'''Pleakley''': Hold it! ''HOLD EVERYTHING!!'' Now explain to me slowly and clearly exactly what happened.
:'''Lilo''': Okay. Keoni Jameson was holding a bouquet of flowers, when he asked Tino directions to our house. When Tino asked why he wanted directions, he said he had to ask a real cutie something. It's so obvious what he has in mind.
:'''Pleakley''': Now explain to me slowly and clearly exactly what happened.
:'''Lilo''': Keoni is going to ask me to the Lono-I-Ke-Aweawe festival! ''[pause]'' The annual Valentine's Day festival!
:'''Pleakley''': And this is a catastrophe how?
:'''Lilo''': Only because I'm so not ready! Stitch, you stall him. Act like I'm too pretty to come to the door. And Pleakley, stay out of the way.
:'''Pleakley''': Oh, you won't even know I'm here! All of Galactic Federation observers, such as myself, are masters of the art of seamlessly blending in. 
:''[the doorbell rings]''
:'''Lilo''': That's him!
:'''Pleakley''': WAIT!! I'm not seamlessly blended in yet! I'm un-seamlessly un-blended!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo kicks Keoni out of the house after she finds out he really has a crush on Pleakley in his female disguise]''
:'''Lilo''': It's a world gone mad!
:'''Pleakley''': Lilo, it's called camouflage. He's supposed to think I'm an attractive Earth woman.
:'''Jumba''': ''[chuckles]'' Someone found Pleakley attractive?
:'''Lilo''': Not someone! &lt;big&gt; KEONI!!!&lt;/big&gt; Poor guy must have ear bugs eating his brain.
:'''Jumba''': Hmm, I fear it could be possibly something far in the way worse. Here, look your eyeballs on this. Is Experiment 323. It must have been activated, and is loose on island. One peck from its beak causes victim to fall head over feet in love with the very next person they see! ''[laughs maniacally but then falls off his chair]'' Lovesickness is very destructive. Can bring entire societies crashing to standstill.
:'''Lilo''': Oh! So, Keoni just got pecked by your [[w:Burning Love|Hunkahunka Bird of Love]] experiment.
:'''Jumba''': He is only thing could explain sensible tweenage boy having crush on one-eyed noodle like Pleakley.
:'''Pleakley''': Oh, and I suppose he couldn't have just fallen for my brilliant Earth female disguise.
:'''Lilo''': I don't think so.
:'''Jumba''': Impossible!
:'''Stitch''': Naga.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Pleakley approaches a group of surfers while dressed as a Spanish [[w:flamenco|flamenco dancer]]]''
:'''Pleakley''': Hi, boys. Could one of you help with some sunblock? ''[the surfers stare at him]'' That is a completely believable request from a beautiful Earth woman, right?
:'''Surfer''': Um... I guess so.
:'''Pleakley''': Good. Let me get out my lotion. ''[as he looks in his bag, his wig falls off]''
:'''Surfer''': No! I mean, on second thought, we gotta go catch some choice waves. Now! Seeya! ''[he and the other surfer dash away]''
:'''Pleakley''': Wait! Come back here! I'm beautiful! ''[sighs]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo is trying to ask Keoni to the dance]''
:'''Lilo''': So, Keoni, if you're going to the Lono-I-Ke-Aweawe, it's accustomed to bring a date.
:'''Keoni''': Yeah, I know. That's why I asked your Aunt Pleakley. She is such a hottie.
:'''Stitch''': ''[drags the cooler containing Hunkahunka toward Lilo]'' Maka maka, sassa!
:'''Lilo''': Not now, Stitch. I'm trying to get Keoni to ask me to the dance. ''[a rattle is heard from the cooler]'' Oh, you caught Hunkahunka! ''[picks up Hunkahunka]'' Perfect!
:'''Stitch''': Naga, naga!
:'''Lilo''': Keoni, do I have something in my teeth?
:'''Keoni''': Not that I can see. ''[Lilo puts Hunkahunka behind his neck, causing him to peck him and look straight at Lilo]'' I think I love you!
:'''Lilo''': Attaboy, Stitch! Good thinking.
:'''Stitch''': Aba tooka! ''[puts Hunkahunka back in the cooler]'' Cousin, home.
:'''Lilo''': Oh, we can find the one true place he truly belongs later. Right now, Keoni and I are gonna spend some quality time together. Right, Keoni?
:'''Keoni''': Whatever you say, Lilo.
:''[Stitch groans in frustation]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch returns home with Hunkahunka waiting in the cooler]''
:'''Jumba''': Ah, 626, good. Here you are. I have found antidote for lovesickness. Victim of 323 is affected by the proboscis injection in coordination with retinal stimuli. Therefore, a rehydration of optical nerves and surrounding sensory sensors will negate the effect.
:'''Stitch''': ''[confused]'' Huh?
:'''Jumba''': Spraying of water in face will cure lovesickness.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Lilo''': Hey, wanna play Skip Rocks? I'll go first, because I'm the lady.
:'''Keoni''': So, what do I do?
:'''Lilo''': Um, you have to skip a stone and see if you can win. ''[throws a flat stone that skips across the water]''
:'''Keoni''': Do you want me to win?
:'''Lilo''': Well, no.... I wanna win, that's the game.
:'''Keoni''': ''[simply picks up a large stone and drops into the water]'' You won!
:'''Lilo''': Yeah....

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch zaps Hunkahunka and puts him in the doorprize drawing box outside the Lono-I-Ke-Aweawe dance]''
:'''Lilo''': Stitch! Good thing you're here! Man, I never should have used Hunkahunka to peck Keoni. This fakey love is the worst! Did Jumba give you the antidote?
:'''Stitch''': Ih!
:'''Lilo''': Good. I need to get some to Keoni fast. Is it in here? ''[takes the box]''
:'''Stitch''': Naga! Naga! ''[as soon as the box opens, Hunkahunka flees into the dance room]'' Doonga!
:'''Lilo''': Oops. Well, how was I supposed to know? Why was it in a box?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu captures Hunkahunka and Stitch uses the fire alarm to break everybody out of their lovesickness]''
:'''Pleakley''': So it was all an experiment's fault. I guess my attractive Earth woman's camouflage was a miserable failure after all.
:'''Keoni''': Miss Pleakley? You look really nice tonight.
:'''Lilo''': Uh-oh. Keoni must not have gotten wet.
:'''Pleakley''': Time to get over it, kiddo. ''[sprays water into Keoni's face]''
:'''Keoni''': Wow. You're beautiful ''and'' quirky.
:'''Pleakley''': I am? I am, aren't I?! Woo-hoo! My camouflage is beautiful after all!
:'''Lilo''': Wow, Keoni had a real crush on Pleakley all along.
:'''Stitch''': Ooh! Naga botifa!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu transports Hunkahunka to Hämsterviel]''
:'''Hämsterviel''': You have an experiment? Give it to me! FASTER!!! Why are you so slow, you slow sharky thing?! You are the most incompetent of incompetence! And another I have been meaning to tell you... ''[Hunkahunka pecks him, causing him to feel a love connection with Gantu]'' I think I love you!
:'''Gantu''': Really? Tell me more.
:'''Hämsterviel''': Like that idiotic look on your face when you have no clue what you are doing, it is so disgustingly cute! And all those stupid things you say, oh, how you make me laugh! I love it!
:'''Gantu''': Oh, blitznack.

== ''Sample (Experiment 258)'' [1.34] ==
:''[Stitch receives a letter]''
:'''Stitch''': Mmm.... Akeba? ''[hands the letter to Lilo]''
:'''Lilo''': It's from the lady at the animal shelter where we adopted you. It says it's time for your shots.
:'''Stitch''': Oh, okay... BU-BYE!!! ''[dashes away]''
:'''Lilo''': Oh, no you don't! ''[chases after Stitch]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Lilo''': Stitch, come down! If you don't get your shots, you could catch a mutating virus!
:'''Stitch''' Naga shots! Ouchie!
:'''Lilo''': Okay. How about this? If you come down and get your shots, you can have coconut cake for breakfast? 
:'''Stitch''': Coconut cake ''and'' coffee?
:'''Lilo''': Deal!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu is listening to a self-motivating CD]''
:'''Instructor''': And in order to achieve success, you must never accept failure. Tell yourself that you are a door!
:'''Gantu''': I am a door. 
:'''Instructor''': Louder! Make you mama proud!
:'''Gantu''': I AM A DOOR!!
:'''625''': Hey, doo-boy, could you keep it down? I'm trying to savor a salami sub in here.
:'''Computer''': Warning. Experiment 258 activated. Primary function: sonic annoyance.
:'''Gantu''': Hmmm.... &quot;Drives people mad by sampling sounds and repeating them in an endless grating rhythm. 625, today I will be successful. I'm ordering you to not let me back in the ship unless I have captured that experiment. Remember, no matter what I say, no matter how much I implore you, do not let me back in unless I've captured the experiment.
:'''625''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, yeah. That'll work.
:'''Gantu''': I heard that! 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Susan calls in Merwin and Dean from the Alien Convention after receiving Sample]''
:'''Merwin''': We're here to see the something.
:'''Susan''': If you guys are alien hunters, why are you dressed like aliens?
:'''Dean''': Well, we're going to an alien's convention, and so my mom made me these costumes out of her old trailer on...
:'''Merwin''': ''[elbows Dean]'' Infiltrate and assimilate, ma'am. These costumes allow us to walk among the E.T.'s undetected.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Merwin and Dean chase Lilo and Stitch after they grab Sample]''
:'''Merwin''': So, thought you could hide, huh? Sorry, kids, this little alien is...
:'''Gantu''': Mine! 
:'''Merwin''': Another one!
:'''Dean''': And he's big! Outer-space big!
:'''Merwin''': Forget these little guys! Let's bag him!
:'''Stitch''': Okeetaka! ''[he and Lilo run off with Sample]''
:''[Merwin and Dean corner Gantu]''
:'''Gantu''': Out of my way, Earth forms!
:'''Dean''': ''[pointing his stick at Gantu]'' Hold it right there, alien!
:'''Gantu''': A plasma-converting pulse cannon 9000 series. The most feared weapon in the galaxy! Only one known counter-measure: ''RUN!!!'' ''[runs away]''
:'''Merwin''': That alien totally thinks your ray gun is real. What's it made of?
:'''Dean''': Toilet paper rolls and aluminum foil.
:'''Merwin''': Cool!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu runs back to his ship and bangs on the entrance]''
:'''Gantu''': 625, open the door!
:'''625''': Uh, where's the experiment?
:'''Gantu''': What?!
:'''625''': Sorry, squidly. Can't let you in without the experiment. Hey, your orders.
:'''Gantu''': By the fires of the planet Krimlatt, I'LL BREAK EVERY BONE IN YOUR--
:'''Merwin''': I think he went that way.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu captures Stitch and Sample and heads to the Alien Convention with Merwin and Dean]''
:'''Lilo''': Gantu, you can't let'em take you to the Alien Convention! They'll tell everybody you're an alien!
:'''Gantu''': Correction, they'll tell everybody ''you're'' aliens.
:'''Lilo''': But we made a deal.
:'''Gantu''': And I made a new deal. I affect your capture, you two appear in the alien demonstration of the convention, and they and then they hand 258 over to me.
:'''Stitch''': Egaba! Toobiteeba!
:'''Gantu''': Quiet, trog, or he'll turn that plasma cannon on you!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Jumba and Pleakley come to the Alien Convention; Pleakley is wearing Galactic Federation uniform]''
:'''Jumba''': Is my hair on straight?
:'''Pleakley''': That's better, but you don't need it. I feel completely at home here.
:'''Jumba''': Ha! You say. I think you are sticking out like sore thumb.
:''[as soon as they enter the convention, they see many people dressed as aliens]''
:'''Pleakley''': Greetings, fellow aliens!
:'''Jumba''': Then again, maybe is ''my'' that is sticking and soring.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Announcer''': Greetings, aliens and spacemen. Can I have your attention? Right on this stage, for a second year in a row, Merwin and Dean and their real live aliens from outer space! Space... space.. space...
:'''Fan''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, this oughta be good.
:'''Pleakley''': What's so special about aliens? We're all real live aliens here!
:'''Fan''': ''[fake cough]'' What a geek! 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Merwin''': Fellow believers, I, Merwin Finklestein, professional alien hunter, am proud to present, a real live alien!
:''[the curtain rises to reveal Gantu who failed to capture Stitch and Sample]''
:'''Gantu''': But we had a deal!
:'''Merwin''': Yeah, we did. But you let those other two get away, so you're going to take their place.
:'''Gantu''': Oh, you think so? ''[Dean points his stick at him]'' Okay, okay! Just be careful with that thing!
:'''Pleakley''': Oh, no! You were right! They're big nasty alien hunters with a big nasty plasma-converter pulse cannon, and you and I are in big trouble!
:'''Jumba''': Bah! Big hunters are big phonies, and so is gun. Looks like plasma-converter 9000 series, but is obvious fake.
:'''Lilo''': See, Stitch? Never bale out on a deal, because what goes around comes around.

== ''Babyfier (Experiment 151)'' [1.35] ==
:'''Nani''': You want to go see ''what''?!
:'''Lilo''': ''Sludge Mummies Episode 2: Attack of the Bones''.
:'''Nani''': But you didn't even see the first movie!
:'''Lilo''': Only because you wouldn't take me!
:'''Nani''': Hello, you were 3?!
:'''Lilo''': Mertle gets to see PG movies. Her mom goes with her.
:'''Nani''': Oh, and if Mertle's mom jumped off a cliff, I suppose you'd want me to do that too!
:'''Lilo''': Wow! Would you?
:'''Nani''': No! There will be no cliff-jumping and no ''Sludge Zombie'' movies!
:'''Lilo''': They're Sludge ''Mummies''!
:'''Nani''': Whatever!
:'''Mr. Jameson''': Ahem!
:'''Nani''': Lilo, look, I've got work to do. I said no movie, and I mean no movie.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Nani''': ''[to Stitch and Lilo; jeep beeps]'' Lilo, I told you no ''Sludge Mummy'' movies!
:'''Lilo''': Nani?! But I... I... I--I didn't--
:'''Nani''': Didn't think I'd come by and check? Well, you were wrong!
:'''Lilo''': Uh… ''[chuckles nervously]''
:''[Back at the Pelekai house, Lilo, Stitch and Nani enter as the sisters argue]''
:'''Stitch''': Oh, trouble coming.
:'''Nani''': I can't believe you disobeyed me! I said you couldn't see that movie!
:'''Lilo''': How come you're always telling me what to do?!
:'''Nani''': Because I'm the older sister here. I'm the babysitter.
:'''Lilo''': I am '''''NOT''''' a baby! And you're not an adult! You're just a grown-up!
:'''Nani''': Whatever! I'm responsible for you, Lilo. That means I'm all about what's best for you. So what I say ''goes.''
:'''Lilo''': You mean like a dictator?!
:'''Nani''': Go to your rooftop dome!
:'''Lilo''': ''[elevators up to her rooftop dome bedroom]'' I'm already there!
:''[Nani walks away, groaning in annoyed anger as Lilo screams in frustration]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch releases Babyfier, causing him to turn him, Nani, Jumba and Pleakley into infants; Lilo recaptures Babyfier]''
:'''Lilo''': Well, now that ''I'm'' the oldest, I guess I'm in charge. But what do I do?! ''[the babies stare at each other and then stare at Lilo]'' I guess adults just do whatever they wanna do. So... Let's go to the movies. Come on, gang!
:''[Lilo rushes out of the kitchen, but then stops to see Baby Jumba throwing eggs everywhere]''
:'''Baby Jumba''': ''[laughs]'' Whee! Evil! Ha, ha-ha!
:'''Lilo''': Jumba, no! I'm in charge now, and I say you have to stop playing evil and go to the movies with me.
:''[Lilo suddenly hears the dryer running]''
:'''Baby Nani''': Playtime! Playtime!
:'''Lilo''': ''[pulls Baby Nani out of a laundry basket]'' Nani, how many times have you told me, you can't play in the dryer. ''[Baby Stitch detaches the fridge door and starts eating it]'' Stitch, no!
:'''Baby Pleakley''': I made oops in my pants.
:'''Lilo''': ''[Baby Nani begins playing with the stove]'' Nani, no! ''[Baby Jumba throws an egg at her head]'' '''Jumba, no!''' ''[Baby Stitch begins to eat the whole refrigerator]'' STITCH, NO!!!
:'''Baby Pleakley''': I made more oops in my pants! ''[Baby Pleakley begins to cry, along with the other three babies]''
:'''Lilo''': I guess the movie's off. I'm a mother of four!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Baby Nani and Stich fight over Scrump]''
*'''Baby Nani''': Mine!
:''[Lilo appears]''
:'''Lilo''': Stop it! ''[The scuffle caused her doll to break]'' Now she's gonna get surgery again. ''[to Nani and Stitch]'' You're both grounded! ''[both babies cried]'' This is all your fault! ''[?]'' Oh, no! Not Gantu! NOT NOW!! It's nap time!
:'''Gantu''': ?
:'''Lilo''': No! Leave it alone, you big dummy!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu captures Babyfier]''
:'''625''': A baby-making experiment? Hey, aren't humans capable of doing that that all by themselves?
:'''Gantu''': No, no, no. It turns grownups ''into'' babies.
:'''625''': Really?
:'''Gantu''': Yes, babies! Hey, I'm feeling a little peckish. How about making me a... ''[Babyfier has been released from the container]'' Hey, how'd you get out?! ''[Babyfier outmaneuvers Gantu and turns him into an infant, who begins to waddle around giggling]''
:'''625''': Sorry, G, I couldn't resist. I always wondered out like a guppy or a tadpole. Turns out you were just a smaller kind of ugly. Whoah! Aerial attack! ''[625 narrowly dodges Babyfier and tricks it into going up the elevator where it escapes]''
:'''Hämsterviel''': GANTU!!! Did my hamster eyes just see what I thought they saw?! The escape of yet another valuable experiment?! And why are you acting like a baby, you incompetent, lazy, oh-so-smelly, fish-footed-- 
:''[Baby Gantu cries; 625 runs up to comfort him]''
:'''625''': Hey, lighten up, Dr. H, will ya? Little Googoo here hasn't had his nap yet.
:'''Hämsterviel''': No, no, no! There will be no napping-apping babies! I want my experiments! So get going! GO, GO, GO!!!! ''[625 dashes out of the ship carrying Baby Gantu in a baby stroller]'' '''NOW, NOW, &lt;big&gt; NOOOOOOWWWWW!!!!&lt;/big&gt;'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Baby Stitch and Baby Gantu begin fighting over Babyfier]''
:'''Baby Stitch''': Mine!
:'''Baby Gantu''': Mine!
:'''Baby Stitch''': Mine!
:'''Baby Gantu''': Mine!
:'''Baby Stitch''': Miiiiine! ''[Gantu accidentally lets go, causing him to launch himself onto a slide]''
:'''625''': Be careful, little Googoo! Don't hurt the poor innocent slide!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Baby Jumba and Baby Pleakley sneak into Kiki's Coffee Shop to find 100% Kona Coffee to create the antidote for Babyfier's effects]''
:'''Baby Jumba''': Ach! Too many peoples. Must clear room somehow.
:'''Baby Pleakley''': Oops!
:''[as soon as the stench reaches everyone's noses, they all flee the shop and Kiki places a &quot;Enter at Own Risk&quot; sign on the door]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Baby Stitch launches the antidote into the sky, turning everyone in Kauai back to normal, including Nani]''
:'''Lilo''': You're back! Thank goodness I'm the little sister again. Being responsible is hard.
:'''Nani''': ''[chuckles]'' Yeah, but it can be pretty satisfying, when you raise a good kid.
:'''Lilo''': I am pretty good, huh?
:'''Nani''': Yep. In fact, I wanna reward you for being babysitter for a day. Let's go see some Sludge Mummies!
:'''Lilo''': ''Attack of the Bones''?! Really?!
:'''Nani''': Yeah. I kinda forgot what it was like to be a kid. Now I remember. When you gotta see a scary movie, you gotta see a scary movie.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Baby Gantu is crying loudly while 625 is calling on the phone]''
:'''625''': Hello, Baby Hotline? Yeah, hi. How do you burp a large shark-like alien baby? No, this isn't a joke! Wait, wait, don't hang up! I--- Oh, blitznack!

== ''Bonnie &amp; Clyde (Experiments 149 &amp; 150)'' [1.36] ==
:''[Note: This episode misnumbers Bonnie and Clyde as 349 and 350, respectively]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Nani''': ''[enraged]'' LILO, YOU LOLO! ''[Stitch spits out Scrump and he and Lilo rush toward the window, pushing pillows in their faces]'' Lilo, Stitch! Yesterday, I told you no running around the house! So what do you do? You run around the house! Last week, I told you to clean your room! Is it clean? No! What's gonna be next with you?!
:'''Jumba''': She almost made me drop my highly unstable container of uflasium.
:'''Nani''': Well, what do you have to say for yourselves?
:'''Lilo''': Uh, well, I ate breakfast like you asked, and I can prove it. ''[belches without saying &quot;Excuse me&quot; and Stitch laughs]''
:'''Nani''': And you're supposed to say &quot;Excuse me&quot; when you burp! That does it, you two are grounded for 24 hours! ''[storms off]''
:'''Lilo''': ''[crossing her arms]'' What's the big deal? We didn't hurt anyone.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch is about to go out through the window]''
:'''Stitch''': Keetooka naga!
:'''Lilo''': Where are you going? ''[grabs Stitch's ankle]''
:'''Stitch''': Keetooka naga!
:'''Lilo''': We can't leave! We're grounded!
:'''Stitch''': Maka maka, sasa!
:'''Lilo''': I don't care if it's a free country! Nani would roast us! And I don't care if we should be able to do whatever we wanna do whenever we wanna do it. We can't leave. So... So... What are you waiting for?! Help me up!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch track down Bonnie and Clyde into an abandoned factory]''
:'''Lilo''': We've got you cornered, cousins!
:'''Bonnie''': Reeeaaally? I think it's us got the drop on ''you'', cuz!
:''[Stitch growls at her]''
:'''Bonnie''': Whoa, there, blue boy. One of Jumba's, huh?
:'''Lilo''': Hi, I'm Lilo, and this is Stitch. He's your cousin. This is how it works: I turn you from bad to good, and find the one place where you belong, so you don't end up with Gantu.
:'''Bonnie''': Waddya you know about Gantu?
:'''Lilo''': We know everything about him. He's a stinky-head. And he tries to get our experiments, but he's really lame. So even when he catches them and takes them back to his ship, we can usually rescue him.
:'''Bonnie''': You've broken into his ship?
:'''Lilo''': Sure, lots of times.
:'''Bonnie''': No kiddin'! Hey, I'm being rude! Come in, come in! I'm 349 and he's 350. Welcome to our domicile.
:'''Clyde''': What are you doing?! You showin'em our hideout! I don't think--
:'''Bonnie''': How many times I gotta tell ya?! Leave the tinkin' to me! Those two goody-goodies are gonna help us brake into that very high-tech, very valuable spaceship!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after Lilo, Stitch, Bonnie and Clyde narrowly escape Gantu's ship]''
:'''Bonnie''': I gotta hand it to you kid, that was quite the escape. You two got great criminal minds.
:'''Lilo''': When did we cross the big fat line from &quot;having fun&quot; to &quot;being great criminal minds&quot;?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo, Stitch &amp; Pleakley successfully capture Bonnie and Clyde despite Nani's warning not to leave the house]''
:'''Lilo''': Sorry we disobeyed you again. We had to catch the bad guys. So... Are we off the hook?
:''[Nani looks at Officer Kahiko, who smiles at her]''
:'''Nani''': Well, you were trying to do the right thing, and you did get the bad guys. So... yeah. You and me are cool.
:'''Officer Kahiko''': But, you and the municipality of Kokaua Town, that's another story.

== ''Slugger (Experiment 608)'' [1.37] ==
:''[Lilo is addressing to her softball team, which consists of Stitch, Jumba, Yin, Yang, Richter, Kixx, and Splodyhead]''
:'''Lilo''': Alright, men, and evil geniuses, and genetic mutants from outer space. We are here today for one purpose and one purpose only: to destroy Mertle's softball team! So let's get out there and really tear up the basepads! ''[Stitch dashes out to the fields and starts ripping the bases apart]'' I didn't mean that literally, Stitch.
:'''Jumba''': Eh, question. Once team is beaten, do losers become our servants for life?
:'''Lilo''': What?! No!
:'''Jumba''': Hmm, is how team sports work on my planet.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch shoves a crate on Gantu's head, causing him to drop Slugger]''
:'''Lilo''': Hey, there, little guy. We're not going to hurt you. We're here to give you a new home. But see that guy over there? ''[points to Gantu, who still has the crate over his head]''
:'''Gantu''': I'm going to vaporize you, trog, just as soon as I can see you!
:''[Slugger nods while snorting]''
:'''Lilo''': Well, if you come with us, we'll keep you safe from him. Okay? ''[holds Slugger's hand]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch tests out Slugger's batting skills by throwing avocados at him]''
:'''Lilo''': Coconuts, avocados, wow he really likes to bat things around.
:''[Slugger accidentally splats and avocado on a picture, which Stitch licks clean]''
:'''Stitch''': Mmmm, guacamole!
:'''Jumba''': Experiment 608 will swat at many different things. In addition to deflecting airborne projectiles launched at enemies, he is also programmed to swat away balls, toys and fruit thrown over fence by annoying neighbor children.
:'''Lilo''': He hits balls? Tomorrow, Lilo's Lasers hit the practice field! We're gonna beat Mertle's team yet!
:'''Pleakley''': Ooh, for the rematch, will we be the home team or the away team? Because according to my research, the home team wears a white uniform while the...
:'''Lilo''': Uh... You know what, Pleakley? It's just practice. And you're so good already, that you don't have to come.
:'''Pleakley''': ''[hurt]'' Oh, okay, thanks.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Mertle agrees to give Gantu Slugger in exchange for him being in her team]''
:'''Mertle''': Hey, Weirdlo! Ready to meet your doom?
:'''Gantu''': We're going to destroy you.
:'''Lilo''': You're cheating! You put Gantu on your team!
:'''Mertle''': So? You have a new player, too!
:'''Lilo''': It's not the same.
:'''Mertle''': You're just scared!
:'''Lilo''': I'm not scared!
:'''Mertle''': Then let's sweeten the bet: Whoever wins, gets ''him''! ''[points to Slugger]''
:'''Lilo''': Slugger?! I bet I know whose idea that is. ''[looks up at Gantu, chuckling evilly]'' You're on! I'll even have you first at bat.
:'''Mertle''': Who said we were playing baseball? I thought we'd play ''basketball'' this time.
:'''Lilo''': What?!
:'''Mertle''': You did say any time, any place, any game!
:'''Lilo''': I... I did?!
:'''Stitch''': Ih. You did.
:'''Lilo''': But I... I didn't mean to!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo's Lasers had thanks to Pleakley's amazing basketball skills]''
:'''Lilo''': Pleakley, I just wanna say thanks for being loyal to me. It made me realize I should've support you when you were on my baseball team.
:'''Pleakley''': Oh, I don't blame you one little bit. I was awful at baseball!
:'''Lilo''': It doesn't matter. Loyalty to your friends is way more important than winning. It's even more important than a stack of Elvis records.
:'''Pleakley''': Please, I'm getting all teary.
:'''Lilo''': You didn't tell us you can play B-ball though.
:'''Pleakley''': It turns out that Earth basketball is is virtually identical to Priznolaprack on my home planet. I was a four-time Priznolaprack grand champion.
:'''Lilo''': Well, thanks to you, we got to keep Slugger, and help him find his one true place.
:''[Lilo shows how Slugger is helping the softball coach show the kids how to bat]''

== ''Bad Stitch'' [1.38] ==
:''[Note: No new experiments appear in this episode]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Hämsterviel contacts Gantu while he is playing with this bath toys]''
:'''Hämsterviel''': Gantu!
:'''Gantu''': Doctor Hämsterviel! I was just practicing my tactical maneuvers.
:'''Hämsterviel''': I do not care about you plastic amusements! It is your failures at capturing my experiments that sickens me to the bone!
:'''Gantu''': But, sir, it's not my fault. It's that abomination 626 and that young female Earth form...
:'''Hämsterviel''': &lt;big&gt;'''SILENCE!!!'''&lt;/big&gt; You're good at nothing but the pathetic excuses. That is why I am giving you job to someone infinitely more competent!
:'''Gantu''': More competent?! But, I...
:'''Hämsterviel''': You failed me, Gantu! As of this moment, you are fired!
:'''Gantu''': But you can't fire me!
:'''625''': Ouch, hurts to be you. Listen, a word of advice: Before you go looking for a new job, put on some pants. ''[Gantu smashes his bath toys in rage]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch are playing checkers]''
:'''Nani''': '''LILO!!!'''
:'''Lilo''': Uh-oh. Nanisaurus Rex is on the rampage again.
:'''Nani''': Look at these bills! $20 to fixed the window Stitch broke, $60 for the new door for the refrigerator, $200 for Mr. Koakini's broken gas grill?!
:'''Lilo''': It was an emergency gas grilling situation. ''And'' we caught the experiment.
:'''Nani''': That's great, honey, but that's not gonna pay these bills and that means no hula lessons this month.
:'''Lilo''': But I need my hula lessons. For self-esteen, personal growth, and development. See? ''[gestures to her trophy, which is broken in two]'' I--
:'''Nani''': Oh, no! He even broke...
:'''Lilo''': My hula trophy. ''[Stitch uses his saliva to try to glue the pieces back togetherness, but they immediately fells off the piece]''
:'''Nani''': ''[to Stitch and Lilo]'' Ok. That does it! I have had it up to here with the little blue wrecking ball.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Pleakley has just finished with his plan to make money in order to pay the bills]''
:'''Pleakley''': And now, the moment we've all been waiting for. The money-making miracle of the ages! ''[pulls off the tarp to reveal a lemonade stand sign]'' Ta-da...lemonade!
:'''Lilo''': That's it? That's your big idea? A lemonade stand?
:'''Pleakley''': Lemonade stands appear on all your Earth cartoons, and every situation comedy ever written. It's brilliant! Cliche but brilliant! What do you think? ''[Lilo leaves]'' Lilo?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Hämsterviel captures Stitch and reverts him to his original evil programming; Gantu enters]''
:'''Gantu''': Hello, I'm here about the ad for aliens. ''I'm'' an alien.
:'''Professor''': You're a fired alien! That's what you are!
:'''Gantu''': Fired?! What, how would you-- ''[Hämsterviel pops out of the Professor disguise]'' Dr. Hämsterviel?! You're suppose to be in prison!
:'''Hämsterviel''': Three-day furlough! Just enough time to hire a new assistant! ''[points to Stitch]''
:'''Gantu''': The abomination!
:'''Hämsterviel''': Yes! With 626's destructive programming in place, he will help me capture the other experiments! You will not! Goodbye! ''[the door quickly shuts]''
:'''Gantu''': But... 
:''[the door opens quickly and Hämsterviel snatches Gantu's flyer]''
:'''Hämsterviel''': Give me that! I recycle! ''[slams the door again]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch tricks Hämsterviel by smashing a floorboard on his disguise]''
:'''Stitch''': Stitch good?
:'''Lilo''': Very good! Even without the water bottle of karmic cleansing.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch return home]''
:'''Stitch''': ''[pulls out Lilo's fixed hula trophy]'' Agata!
:'''Lilo''': You fixed it! I think it looks better this way.
:'''Nani''': Lilo, I'm home!
:'''Lilo''': Stitch fixed my hula trophy! And this time he used ''real'' glue.
:'''Nani''': Why, thank you, Stitch. Looks like that Zen of Dog Training really paid off.
:'''Lilo''': Not really. He found the path of goodness all by himself.
:''[a shatter sound is heard; Nani looks in the living room to find it a total mess]''
:'''Nani''': What happened?!
:'''Lilo''': Um, the path kinda went through the living room. We had a little trouble finding the glue.
:''[Nani faints; Stitch laughs]''

== ''Drowsy (Experiment 360)'' [1.39] ==
:''[Note: [[w:Regis Philbin|Regis Philbin]] makes a special guest role as the voice of himself]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Jumba has Pleakley do his paperwork while he goes surfing with David]''
:'''Jumba''': This is lucky day for you, my one-eyed friend.
:'''Pleakley''': Ooh! Is today the once-a-year sale in Tessy's Dressies?
:'''Jumba''': No. I have decided to promote you to assistant evil genius!
:'''Pleakley''': I wasn't aware I was even in the chain of command! What exactly does the position entail?
:'''Jumba''': Little girl recovered new experiment pods. They need to be identified, registered, labeled, and categorized.
:'''Pleakley''': Eh... how much did you say this evil genius stuff pays?
:'''Jumba''': For you, zero, but looks very good on resume.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu and 625 are fast asleep]''
:'''Computer''': Warning. Experiment 360 activated. Primary function: sleep inducer.
:'''Gantu''': ''[covers the computer with a pillow]'' Just five more minutes, mother.
:'''Hämsterviel''': WAKE UP, YOU SQUID-LIP EXCUSE FOR A MOLLUSK!! A pod has been activated!
:'''Gantu''': But sir, it's the middle of the nocturnal Earth cycle.
:'''Hämsterviel''': Shh, do you hear that? It's the sound of &lt;big&gt;'''I DON'T CARE!!!'''&lt;/big&gt; I got big plans for tomorrow, so there is no time for beauty sleep!
:'''625''': ''[yawns]'' Too bad, he really needs it.
:'''Gantu''': What big plans, sir?
:'''Hämsterviel''': I have been monitoring Earth's television transmissions for over a month. And I believe I've identified the most powerful, influential human on the planet! He is always on the TV, obviously using mind control to mesmerize the Earthlings! And in two days time, you are going to capture him for me! ''[laughs maniacally]'' 
:'''Gantu''': Really? Who? How?
:'''Hämsterviel''': Just bring the new experiment!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch uses Drowsy to help Lilo fall asleep, but now Lilo can't wake up; Stitch puts sunglasses on Lilo and uses her sleeping body as a puppet to do her errands]''
:'''Pleakley''': Ah, Lilo! Just in time for some processed grain with dehydrated fruity bits.
:'''Stitch''': ''[imitates Lilo]'' Uh, not for me. Stitch. ''[normal voice]'' Naga. Naga ti chita. ''[imitates Lilo]'' Okay! Um... bye! ''[drags Lilo to Mrs. Hasagawa's fruit stand]''
:'''Jumba''': &lt;big&gt;'''''WHERE IS EXPERIMENT 360?!?'''''&lt;/big&gt; 
:'''Pleakley''': I don't know!
:'''Jumba''': What?! It didn't just get up and walk away!
:''[they both see Drowsy walking past them with a blanket covering himself]''
:'''Pleakley''': Eh, I should use less starch in the laundry?
:'''Jumba''': Is not laundry! Is my experiment!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after Stitch successfully uses Lilo as a puppet to perform her hula dance]''
:'''Mertle''': That was the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen.
:'''Mr. Jameson''': That was the most incredible thing I've ever seen! Unique! Daring! Original! You're Nani's sister, aren't you? ''[hands Stitch a card]'' I could use your help. A very important guest is coming here tomorrow, and I'd like you to be our aloha greeter at the airport.
:'''Stitch''': But--
:'''Mr. Jameson''': I will not take no for an answer! I'm gonna be late for the meeting! Here's the info, good luck!
:'''Stitch''': Oh, shoota!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after Lilo wakes up thanks to Jumba, she and Stitch tries to protect Regis Philbin from Gantu and 625]''
:'''Regis Philbin''': I think I've figured out what's going on.
:'''Lilo''': ''[nervously]'' Wh-what do you mean?
:'''Regis Philbin''': I'm not completely oblivious, you know. You and Stitch have been protecting from autograph hunters ever since I got here.
:'''Lilo''': We?! Oh, drat! You've figured it out! Well, there's one other Hawaiian tradition we haven't told you about: Hanai.
:'''Regis Philbin''': Hanai? What's that?
:'''Lilo''': It's when you welcome a stranger into your home. My house is not as nice as this hotel, but no one will think to look for you there.
:'''Regis Philbin''': Okay! Just one condition: you get some rest, too. You've been working too hard.
:'''Lilo''': It's a deal! In fact, I think it's time everyone had a good snooze. Me, Pleakley, Nani, Jumba... ''[Stitch yawns and lies down on the floor]'' ...and Drowsy here can help.

==External links==
[[Category:Lilo &amp; Stitch: The Series seasons and films]]</text>
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      <timestamp>2026-05-19T01:03:25Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
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        <id>3324342</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Mr. Stenchy (Experiment 254) [1.04] */</comment>
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----
[[Stitch! The Movie|Pilot film]] | '''Seasons:''' [[Lilo &amp; Stitch: The Series (season 1)|1]] [[Lilo &amp; Stitch: The Series (season 2)|2]] | [[Leroy &amp; Stitch|Finale film]] | [[Lilo &amp; Stitch: The Series|Main]]
----

== ''Richter (Experiment 513)'' [1.01] ==
:''[Experiment 625 is making a PB&amp;J sandwich, he watches the news on Richter's quakes as Gantu fixes the communicator]''
:'''Gantu''': 625, turn that thing off! I'm trying to get this communication relay online, and you're not helping!
:'''625''': Aw, what's the matter? Can't handle plugging in wires by yourself? At least I'll be ready in case of a sandwich shortage.
:'''Gantu''': Shortage?!
:'''625''': ''[imitates a newsreel fanfare]'' Newsflash from the crash nebula, space whale! There was a quake today! I'm not taking chances. I'm stocking up.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Pleakley''': I've called you all together for an emergency earthquake readiness meeting. Now, planetary shaking is measured on what is called a [[w:Richter Scale|Richter Scale]]. Today's quake was a 5.0, quite moderate and perfectly normal, but a good reminder to us all: be prepared and don't panic! I repeat: DO NOT! PANIC!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''David''': Hey, Lilo, is your sister home?
:'''Lilo''': Yeah, but I don't think she's feeling well. She said something about having a big zit.
:'''Nani''': LILO!! ''[dashes to the front door]'' No! I'm fine.
:'''Lilo''': Well, what were you popping when... ''[Nani covers her mouth until she licks her]''
:'''Nani''': Ugh! ''[chuckles nervously]'' What a darling.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jumba''': ''[explaining Experiment 513]'' Quake today was teensy little jiggle to 513. He is programmed to look for weakest geological point on island, for to make one ginormous evil earthquake! ''[laughs maniacally]'' Most likely, 513 will have to look for big fault at base of volcano. Is imperative that he must never go underground... unless you ''want'' evil quake.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Jumba has converted the family buggy into a giant drilling machine so Lilo and Stitch can hunt down Richter underground]''
:'''Lilo''': Let's go, Stitch. Stitch! 
:''[Stitch is playing around with his new orange ball]''
:'''Jumba''': ''[takes ball]'' 626, what are you playing with? Looks like citrus orb.
:'''Stitch''': Okata! ''[swipes the ball back]''
:'''Lilo''': He doesn't like people touching his orange ball. He's learning how to take care of things.

== ''Phantasmo (Experiment 375)'' [1.02] ==
:''[Lilo, Stitch and the family are enjoying dinner at Macki Macaw's; the animatronic Macki, however, flames up and falls off the perch]''
:'''Jumba''': Primitive Earth entertainment technology. Very entertaining.
:'''Pleakley''': Especially when he entertains by catching on fire. Fascinating.
:''[Stitch gets his glass ready as Pleakley pours soda to the group]''
:'''Lilo''': Wait your turn, Stitch. Macki may be combustibally challenged, but I love this place. It's homey. Why don't we come here more often?
:''[Stitch, patience run out after Pleakley does not pour him any soda, leaps onto the table, chugs the whole pitcher of soda down, and belches loudly]''
:'''Nani''': ''That's'' why.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Nani''': Lilo, have you finished giving him a bath?
:''[Stitch dashes out of the bathroom wearing an inner tube; Lilo begins chasing Stitch around the house; Stitch tries to squeeze through the doggy door, but can't due to his inner tube]''
:'''Lilo''': You know how he is about water. I almost had him lulled into a false sense of security, but then you said the b-word. Never say the b-word!
:'''Nani''': You mean.... &quot;BATH?&quot;
:''[Stitch finally escapes leaving Lilo stuck in the inner tube]''
:'''Lilo''': Why do you torment me?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Lilo''': Pee-yew! How much pizza and soda can one mutant alien wear?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch sees Phantasmo (possessing Scrump) messing with Lilo's movies; he breaks free from the chains and begins attacking Scrump]''
:'''Lilo''': What's all the racket in there? That sounded like... Stitch?!
:''[as Lilo enters the room, Scrump goes into doll mode and Stitch spits it out]''
:'''Stitch''': Stitch not bad! Was scary dolly!
:'''Lilo''': Scrump is very smart, Stitch. But she doesn't go around breaking plates and unscrewing videotapes. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[during Stitch's &quot;trial&quot;]''
:'''Pleakley''': Wasn't it Defendant 626 who chewed off the arm of Mr. Fluffybear here?
:'''Lilo''': Objection! I sewed it back on.
:'''Pleakley''': And how about little Suzy Teaparty? Anybody seen yer head? I haven't, because it's gone!
:'''Lilo''': Objection! Stitch didn't mean to eat. It was a freak accident! He was accidentally hungry.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo, Jumba, and Pleakley are tied by Phantasmo after learning his secret]''
:'''Pleakley''': What does it want?!
:'''Jumba''': 375 has advanced programming. Now that we have learned his secret, he will probably get rid of us.
:''[Phantasmo possesses Scrump and picks up Jumba's gun]''
:'''Jumba''': Don't worry. The weapon is only loaded with net.
:''[Phantasmo replaces the net cartridge with another]''
:'''Jumba''': Ah! He has replaced net with my new laser cartridge! I am so proud of his smartness!
:'''Lilo''': I'm not.
:'''Pleakley''': And I'm just gonna faint. I'm too terrified to faint. How about if I just scream? '''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Nani''': So I hear there's an experiment out there that takes over inanimate objects?
:'''Lilo''': Yep, makes it look like other ''innocent'' experiments did bad stuff when they didn't do anything wrong at all.
:'''Nani''': Okay, I get it. My bad.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after Phantasmo finds his one true place as possessing Macki Macaw to entertain]''
:'''Nani''': I owe you both an apology. I was wrong about you. Innocent until proven guilty. I'm old enough to know that. I'm sorry.
:'''Lilo''': ''[whispers something into Stitch's ear]'' Okay, we'll forgive your behavior on one condition.
:'''Stitch''': Nani buys games and pizza!
:'''Nani''': ''[chuckles]'' I guess that's fair.

== ''Clip (Experiment 177)'' [1.03] ==
:''[Lilo and Stitch are at a beauty salon]''
:'''Lilo''': Now, pay attention, Stitch. To fit in on Earth, you need to be obsessed with how you look. ''[gesturing to two men who are mud-bathing]'' People come from all over to soak in this mud. They wanna be like pigs. Go ahead.
:''[Stitch grabs a handful of mud and shoves into his mouth, and then spits out on Lilo; Lilo then tries to throw the mud at Stitch, causing a large mud fight that messes up the entire beauty salon]''
:'''Salon Owner''': ''[comes through the door]'' Stop right there! Oh, just look at this mess! 
:'''Lilo''': Yeah, you really need to sweep all that hair.
:'''Salon Owner''': Not the hair! THE MUD!!
:''[Lilo hangs her head sadly; Stitch, however, looks at the owner angrily]''
:'''Stitch''': Agata! ''[throws mud at the owner]''
:''[Lilo and Stitch then run out of the salon]''
:'''Salon Owner''': And stay out! 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch bring Clip home]''
:'''Jumba''': ''[screams]'' Keep that thing away from me!
:'''Lilo''': Cute little Clip?
:'''Jumba''': Is not cute! Is Experiment #177, and is very dangerous.
:'''Lilo''': She doesn't look dangerous.
:'''Jumba''': Ah, but looks can be deceiving. You see it was many years ago, when my head was overflowing with evil ideas...
:''[a flashback shows a younger Jumba with long black flowing hair]''
:'''Jumba''': ''[voice-over]'' ...and healthy luxuriant hair follicles. I had devised Experiment 177, the Uburnium Eater!
:''[flashback then shows a space-style gas station selling Uburnium]''
:'''Jumba''': Uburnium is the most powerful and economical fuel source in all of universe! My Ubernium Eater would spark an insurmountable fuel price! 
:''[the flashback shows the price sign for Uburnium go higher until it explodes]''
:'''Jumba''': Unfortunately, in the language of Kweltiquan, word for &quot;Uburnium&quot; is same as word for &quot;hair&quot;. I did not realize mistake until... too late! I had accidentally created Hair Eater!
:''[flashback then shows young Jumba activating 177 for the first time; Clip comes to life and immediately eats all of Jumba's hair; back to present]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Mertle Edmonds and the other hula girls exit the salon; Lilo hides the box Clip is in by sitting on it]''
:'''Mertle''': Hey, Weirdlo! I didn't know you got your hair cut here!
:'''Lilo''': I don't.
:'''Mertle''': Of course you don't. They never even let you in the door with that mess.
:'''Lilo''': I like my hair!
:'''Mertle''': You would! Maybe you should try this. ''[hands Lilo a bottle of hair conditioner]'' You'll need it more than I do.
:'''Lilo''': Wow! For me? &quot;Hair Conditioner: For Taming Wild Unruly Hair?!&quot; Hey!
:'''Mertle''': Don't be jealous. Not everyone can have perfect hair like me, especially not you.
:'''Yuki, Teresa, and Elena''': ''YYYYYEEEEEAAAAAHHHH!''
:''[the girls laugh as they leave]''
:'''Lilo''': Mertle needs to be punished.
:'''Stitch''': Yeah! Ih!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch sneak into Mertle's backyard dressed as cat burglars]''
:'''Lilo''': ''[imitates radio static]'' Black Cat to Mutant Dog. Black Cat to Mutant Dog. Come in, Mutant Dog. Stitch! That's you!
:'''Stitch''': Oh, me?
:'''Lilo''': When I say &quot;Black Cat&quot;, you're supposed to answer &quot;Mutant Dog&quot;. It's cat burglar code. Black Cat to...
:'''Stitch''': Mutant Dog.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Clip escapes from Gantu by boarding a bus]''
:'''Gantu''': ''[growls with rage]'' Hairball! I am Gantu! Former captain of the Galactic Alliance! Conqueror of Paskimerus Militia! AND VAN GUARD COMMANDER OF BLACK OOL OPS! '''YOU WILL NOT ESCAPE ME!!!!'''
:''[pause as three little kids stare at him in fright]''
:'''Gantu''': I mean, I... missed my bus.
:''[the kids run away screaming; then it begins to rain]''
:'''Gantu''': Oh, blitznak!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Pleakley puts a large rainbow Afro wig on Jumba]''
:'''Pleakley''': This spectral diffraction style is very popular on Earth, particularly of amid followers of team sports. There! What do you think?
:'''Jumba''': I look like large furry lollipop.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo, Stitch, and Jumba are talking to Mrs. Edmonds after startling her]''
:'''Lilo''': So you're not mad at us for scaring us like that?
:'''Mrs. Edmonds''': Oh, no! Actually it was kinda exhilarating, in a frightening I-don't-know-what's-going-on sort of way.
:'''Lilo''': I'm sorry about what happened to your hair.
:'''Mrs. Edmonds''': Don't be sorry. I love it. If you ever find that little furball you're looking for, I'm going to thank it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after Mrs. Edmonds calls Jumba handsome, making him happy, his hair suddenly grows back]''
:'''Mrs. Edmonds''': Wow! That what I call a spontaneous something or other!
:'''Jumba''': My hair! It has returned! &lt;big&gt; I... HAVE... '''HAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Lilo''': Inside voice, Uncle Jumba.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu dances in a hula concert; Hämsterviel calls]''
:'''Hämsterviel''': Gantu?! What is going on?! Gantu?! What's that music?!
:''[Gantu throws his phone into a nearby punch bowl]''
:'''Hämsterviel''': '''GAAAAAAANNNNTUUUUUUUUUUUh!!!!'''

== ''Mr. Stenchy (Experiment 254)'' [1.04] ==
:''[Gantu returns to his ship after failing to capture Experiment 254]''
:'''Hämsterviel''': Well, where is my stink bomb?!
:'''Gantu''': I'm afraid the little girl and the abomination...
:'''Hämsterviel''': Again?! You with your large stomping feet and shooting blaster can't get one experiment from a little girl?! Tell me how lame you are! TELL ME!!!
:'''625''': Whoa! Hmm, well, there's no right answer there. I'd put it somewhere in the S's between &quot;Shockingly lame&quot; and &quot;Stunningly lame&quot;.
:'''Gantu''': Please. I'm having a meeting.
:'''Hämsterviel''': Stop it with the not paying attention to me! Now get that experiment before I come there and nibble your flabby knuckles, you blue-tinted, offspring of a fish!
:'''Gantu''': Yessir!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Mertle and the girls walk by as Lilo and Stitch refuel their buggy]''
:'''Elena''': Hey, there's Lilo! Should we invite her too?
:'''Mertle''': Weirdlo? No way. Why would we want her to come?
:'''Lilo''': Hey, guys. Wanna see my new...
:'''Mertle''': No.
:'''Lilo''': I didn't even say what it was yet.
:'''Mertle''': The answer is still no.
:'''Lilo''': Okay. If you don't want to see the cutest thing ever.
:'''Mertle''': If you think bugs are cute, I bet whatever it is, it's ugly!
:'''Lilo''': Yeah, well, you're wrong! He's even cuter than a potato...
:'''Elena''': Cuter than a potato?
:''[Mertle and the girls turn their attention to 254; they run up to his container to get a closer look]''
:'''Elena''': Look at him! He ''is'' cuter than a potato!
:'''Yuki''': I want one!
:'''Lilo''': I knew you'd like him!
:'''Mertle''': Ahem! ''[the girls huddle up with Mertle and they whisper something to each other, and then turn to Lilo]'' You are formally invited to the FHGH tea party tomorrow.
:'''Lilo''': Really? &lt;big&gt;'''''YAAAAY!!'''''&lt;/big&gt; Um, what's that?
:'''Mertle''': It's stands for &quot;Future Hawaiian Girls of Hawaii&quot;. But you can only come if you bring him.
:'''Lilo''': Okay!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch take 254 to their house]''
:'''Jumba''': Yes, 254 is designed to be irresistible.
:''[254 gives a record to Stitch; Stitch angrily grabs the record and places 254 on it and makes it spin on Lilo's record player]''
:'''Jumba''': Of course, other experiments are immune to his charms.
:'''Pleakley''': ''[picks up 254]'' Well, I think he's absolutely precious, not at all like the little monster.
:''[Stitch growls with rage]''
:'''Jumba''': ''[takes 254]'' Uh, is best not being attached. It may look harmless, but in reality, is a ticking stink bomb.
:'''Lilo''': Stink bomb? This little guy?
:'''Jumba''': Very soon, it will emit odor so noxious, will make 40 square mile area uninhabitable for decades! ''[laughs maniacally]'' But yes, is cute as garment fastener.
:'''Pleakley''': But he smells okay now.
:'''Jumba''': 254 is programmed to start his stinking 42 hours after activation to allow to time to infiltrate target. Problem is we have no way of knowing when he was activated.
:''[Stitch angrily has 254 tied up]''
:'''Pleakley''': Is the smell really that bad?
:'''Jumba''': ''[chuckles]'' Trust me. He'll have you losing many lunches with disgusting stench!
:'''Lilo''': ''[unties 254]'' Well, that's what I'm naming him: Mr. Stenchy! And I don't care how much he reeks. I'm keeping him.
:''[Stitch, shocked and angered by Lilo's words, screams into a pillow]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch pins down Gantu and aims his own laser gun at him]''
:'''Stitch''': Nala kweesta! Ha-ha!
:'''Gantu''': One day, you'll fail to protect one of those experiments! And I will take it away forever!
:'''Stitch's Shoulder Devil''': Ichiba!
:'''Stitch's Other Shoulder Devil''': Ih! Ih! Keeba! ''[the both vanish]''
:'''Stitch''': ''[chuckles sinisterly]'' La-dee-da-dee! ''[tosses Gantu's gun]'' Oopsie!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[After Gantu explains to Lilo how Stitch locked Mr. Stenchy in the pantry...]''
:'''Lilo''': ''[to Stitch]'' You mean... You did?
:'''Stitch''': ''[remorseful]'' Uh-huh.
:'''Lilo''': But why? Were you jealous of Mr. Stenchy?
:'''Stitch''': Ehh. ''(Translation: Yes.)''
:'''Lilo''': Okay, I'll forgive you for locking Mr. Stenchy in the pantry if you forgive me for letting him hog all the love. I mean, jealousy stinks, but we're still friends.
:'''Stitch''': ''[after a moment]'' ''[accepting]'' Okay.

== ''Holio (Experiment 606)'' [1.05] ==

:'''Lilo''': Stupid ball.
:'''Officer Kahiko''': It's only Lilo and her dog.
:'''Leilani''': ''[annoyed]'' Ugh! Lilo again?! You should do something about that ''kalohe.''
:'''Officer Kahiko''': Like, put her in the big house?
:'''Leilani''': Would do her some good. That dog, too!
:'''Mrs. Edmonds''': Excuse me! Hi. I'm looking for something for my daughter. It's her birthday tomorrow.
:'''Leilani''': How 'bout this? ''[holds out a gold bracelet]'' I just made it yesterday, one of my best. ''[unaware with Experiment 606's pod on it as a charm]''
:'''Mrs. Edmonds''': Oh, it's perfect!
:'''Officer Kahiko''': How's it, Lilo?
:'''Lilo''': Oh, Officer Kahiko. I know the drill: I have the right to remain silent. Whatever I say...
:'''Officer Kahiko''': Very funny. ''[notices Lilo's football made of seaweed]'' What you got there?
:'''Lilo''': Football. We're on a budget.
:'''Officer Kahiko''': Lilo, I know you were just playing, but your dog wrecked Leilani's jewelry table. Auntie's on a fixed income. She don't need you causing trouble. Does your sister know you're here?
:'''Lilo''': Uh, no. But I'll tell her when I get home, okay?
:'''Officer Kahiko''': No worries. I got her on speed dial. ''[pulls out his phone]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Pleakley is doing yoga]''
:'''Jumba''': What are you doing?
:'''Pleakley''': Yoga, an ancient Earth discipline that's wonderful exercise for both body and mind. You should try it instead of stuffing yourself with all that flesh-based food.
:'''Jumba''': Hey, I am liking flesh-based food!
:'''Pleakley''': Suit yourself. But since I stopped eating anything with a face, I feel cleansed and rejuvenated.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:'''Mertle''': Everybody, I have an announcement to make. ''[clears throat]'' Ahem. Tomorrow is the most important day of the year: my birthday! I'm having a super special birthday party! ''[gives out birthday invitations only to Yuki, Teresa, and Elena]'' Oh, look. No more invitations.
:'''Lilo''': Well, that's okay. I wouldn't wanna come to your party anyway. Not with... that thing out there!
:'''Elena''': What thing?
:'''Lilo''': You mean to tell me that you've never heard of the... um... ''[notices a gecko]'' Geckoliki?
:'''Elena''': No!
:'''Teresa''': Uh-uh!
:'''Yuki''': What is it?
:'''Lilo''': It's an ugly horrible creature, whose soul purpose is to devour birthday cake and partygoers with its bloody fangs!
:'''Mertle''': That's the stupidest thing I ever heard! And just for that, you're even more not invited now! Come on, girls! ''[she and the other girls leave]''
:'''Lilo''': Alright, but you'll be sorry! The Geckoliki is hungry for blood! AND FROSTING!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:'''Lilo''': As soon as I put on this costume, it's hello, Geckoliki, and goodbye party. Now hold still, ok? ''[Stitch gets under her as they dress up as the Geckoliki; spookily]'' Ooh! I am the Geckoliki! Surrender now or face my slimy wrath!
:'''Teresa''': The Geckoliki!
:''[Mertle and her friends scream in terror and run for it]''
:'''Stitch''': ''[peeks through the fence hole and spots a plate of coconut cupcakes on the table]'' Ooh! Coconut cupcake! ''[bursts through the fence]''
:'''Lilo''': Stitch, no! ''[falls off of Stitch and lands in the pool]''
:''[The girls watch from the bushes, seeing Stitch scarfing down the cupcakes, still in the Geckoliki costume]''
:'''Teresa''': The Geckoliki is after our blood! And frosting!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[After Nani bring Lilo and Stitch both back home from &quot;crashing&quot; Mertle's birthday party]''
:'''Lilo''': I'm telling you, there's an experiment pod on Mertle Edmonds' new bracelet that she got for her birthday.
:'''Jumba''': Did you see number?
:'''Lilo''': That's what I was trying to do when Mrs. Edmonds dragged me off Mertle.
:''[Pleakley can be heard chanting before Nani and Jumba see him with his body twisted]''
:'''Pleakley''': Oh, hello, fellow spirit beings. I hope my chanting wasn't bothering you.
:'''Nani''': Pleakley, are you alright?
:'''Pleakley''': Hmm? Oh, I'm incredible. Really, truly. It's so amazing. Yes, at first I was in excruciating pain, but it was all part of the process. Once I transcended that, I realized that the pain was just an illusion.
:'''Jumba''': You have got to be kidding me! ''[grabs Pleakley and stretches his legs]'' Pain is only illusion! Ha!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Stitch goes into the pet shop, alone, disguised as a bunny, to see the number on the experiment pod on Mertle's bracelet as she and her friends enter while Lilo hides in the backseat of a police car to try and stay out of trouble]''
:'''Stitch''': ''[through walkie-talkie] Experiment 606.''
:'''Lilo''': ''[opens up Jumba's computer and searches up Experiment 606; horrified]'' Oh, no. ''[on walkie-talkie]'' Stitch. Come in, Stitch! Experiment 606 is a black hole that will suck in the ''whole'' world!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Lilo''': ''[shouting out to Mertle in warning about not getting the experiment pod wet as Nani drags her away]'' Don't get it wet! It'll destroy everything!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Pleakley is still doing yoga while Jumba is eating a pastrami sandwich]''
:'''Pleakley''': Do you mind? I'm trying to become one with the universe.
:'''Jumba''': And I am trying to become one with pastrami sandwich!
:'''Lilo''': Mertle Edmonds has activated Experiment 606!
:'''Jumba''': Oh, whee! I was hoping she would try!
:'''Lilo''': Now, it's gonna suck the whole universe to a big black hole!
:'''Pleakley''': You say, &quot;black hole&quot;?
:'''Lilo''': Yep.
:'''Pleakley''': ''[suddenly panics]'' THERE'S NO ESCAPE FROM AN ASTRONOMICAL EVENT LIKE THAT!! To think, the universe is ending, and all I was worried about was eternal wisdom?! If this is my last day on Earth, I'm eating pastrami! ''[grabs Jumba's sandwich and eats it]''

== ''Spooky (Experiment 300)'' [1.06: Halloween Special]==

:''[Lilo arrives at the Halloween party dressed up as a dead hula girl with scary makeup and a fake axe on her head, frightening all the other guests]''
:'''Moses''': Lilo, your costume…
:'''Lilo''': Isn't it cool? Watch this! ''[twangs her axe handle]''
:'''Moses''': Yes, but… Well, maybe you should change it to something more like... like what your friends are wearing. ''[gestures to Mertle and the girls; who are all dressed up like princesses]''
:'''Lilo''': Princess, princess, princess, or princess?
:'''Mertle''': At least we're not a weirdo, weirdo, weirdo, or ''weirdo''!
:'''Yuki, Teresa and Elena''': ''YYYYEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH!!''
:'''Lilo''': Okay. I'll be a princess, too.
:'''Moses''': Good idea. ''[as Lilo leaves]'' You go home, change, and then come back.
:'''Mertle''': Or go home, change, and ''don't'' come back!
:''[Moses sighs]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Jumba is dressed up as [[w:Julius Caesar|Julius Caesar]]]''
:'''Jumba''': I am absolutely refusing to be wearing this! It's too itchy! ''[he scratches so rigorously that his belly soon comes through]'' And that is least of problems!
:'''Pleakley''': ''[Dressed as [[w:Cleopatra|Cleopatra]]]'' But you have to wear it! The Queen of the Nile demands it! Besides, I am not missing out on trick-or-treating on my first night of Heelowatty!
:'''Lilo''': It's pronounced &quot;Halloween&quot;. I need a new costume: a princess. Can you make it quick?
:'''Pleakley''': Can I? Well, let me tell you I have the fastest fingers in my primitive Earth custom: fleeced and pinking shears class.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Stitch has been scared stiff after Experiment 300 turned into his worst fear: water; Lilo appears and the water drains into the ventilation shaft]''
:'''Lilo''': Stitch, what happened?
:'''Stitch''': Hissing green eyes! Hissing green eyes! Hissing green eyes!
:'''Lilo''': You're not scared, are you?
:'''Stitch''': ''[pause]'' Naga!
:'''Lilo''': Elena said something about hissing green eyes, too.
:''[Stitch shudders in fright]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Jumba and Pleakley are dressed as the main characters of [[w:Gone with the Wind|Gone with the Wind]]]''
:'''Pleakley''': I do declare, we look simply marvelous! Don't we look marvelous? I think we do!
:'''Jumba''': Frankly, my dear, I am not giving darn. I hate this costume!
:'''Pleakley''': Fine, I'll just start over then! A whole new concept! I'm thinking... sequins, satin, Spain! I got it! Matador! Ole!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Experiment 300 shows up at the Pelekai house, as Nani's worst fear: Cobra Bubbles, wanting to take Lilo away from her]''
:'''Nani''': You can't take her away from me! She needs me! I thought we worked this out.
:'''Cobra''': ''[as Lilo and Stitch return home]'' I'm… s-s-s-s-sorry.
:''[Lilo sees &quot;Cobra&quot;, throws her fake axe at him, knocking off his sunglasses, with green eyes, then charges at him and grabs him by the ankle]''
:'''Nani''': Lilo!
:'''Jumba''': ''[hearing the crashing sound]'' What is that?
:'''Nani''': Lilo, no! Have you gone ''lolo?!'' Lilo! ''[screams in horror as &quot;Cobra&quot; morphs back into Experiment 300]'' Who… ''what'' is that?!
:'''Lilo''': Experiment 300! But I'm calling him, Spooky!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Spooky turns into Pleakley's worst fear: his mother]''
:'''Pleakley's Mother''': Pleakley, is that you?! ''[stepping out of the shadows]'' How come you never call?!
:'''Pleakley''': MOTHER!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Spooky, as Pleakley's mother, scolds Pleakley as he sobs]''
:'''Pleakley's Mother''': I give you the best years of my life, and this is the thanks I get?!
:'''Jumba''': Oh, no! Is Pleakley's worst fear. ''[Spooky then turns into his worst fear: his ex-wife]'' Ahhh! Is my worst fear: ex-wife!
:'''Jumba's Ex-Wife''': When are you getting a real job?! Is like you never help around house!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Lilo, Stitch and Spooky are giving treats to trick-or-treaters]''
:'''Nani''': Lilo, what's going on here?
:'''Lilo''': Halloween. Watch.
:''[One kid gets ready for candy and Spooky turns into his worst fear: a giant python]''
:'''Kid''': Ah-ha-ha! I hate snakes!
:'''Stitch''': Taka! ''[gives the kid a handful of candy]''
:'''Kid''': Man, this is the coolest house in the whole neighborhood!
:'''Lilo''': ''[to Spooky]'' Yeah, I'll know you around Haunted House, where you will fit in just fine.

== ''Cannonball (Experiment 520)'' [1.07] ==

:'''Hämsterviel''': Contact Gantu.
:'''Gantu''': Yes, Dr. Hämsterviel?
:'''Hämsterviel''': Explain to me, you overgrown sea bass, why mechanic hamster on cam holds no evil genetic experiments?
:'''Gantu''': There haven't been any experiments activated recently…
:'''Computer''': ''Warning: Experiment 520 activated.''
:'''Gantu''': ...until now.
:'''Hämsterviel''': Mmm-hmm, and, uh, what are you waiting for? '''''GET IT AND SEND IT TO ME!!!'''''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Lilo and Stitch are drawing ideas for the upcoming Aloha Sand-Sculpting Contest]''
:'''Lilo''': How are your Aloha designs coming, Stitch?
:'''Stitch''': ''[shows her a drawing of Mertle being zapped by a UFO]'' Eebah. ''[shows another drawing of Mertle being chased by a dinosaur]'' Zeebah. ''[shows one more drawing of Mertle being chased by the Grim Reaper]'' Keebah!
:'''Lilo''': ''[chuckles]'' Stitch, that's mean. Moses is right. We ''don't'' know what ''aloha'' means.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[David and Nani take Lilo to the Birds of Paradise Pool]''
:'''David''': Don't worry. I know how to cheer a sad Lilo.
:'''Nani''': But, David, the pool at Birds of Paradise is for hotels guests only! There are, like, ten signs!
:'''David''': Relax, Nani. I was here yesterday, and I figured out their system: All the hotel guests have special blue towels, and so do we.
:''[scene cuts to them relaxing by the pool]''
:'''David''': See? Instant vacation!
:'''Lilo''': Come on, Stitch! Photo safari! ''[they both leave to take pictures of the tourists]''
:'''Nani''': Are you sure this is okay?
:'''David''': Relax. Lilo and I sneak in here all the time.
:'''Nani''': You ''what?!''
:'''David''': Just chill out and enjoy your... ''[Mr. Jameson appears]'' Uh, honeymoon! Sweetheart! ''[hugs Nani]''
:'''Mr. Jameson''': Hello, sir, ma'am. Are you guests here?
:'''David''': Uh, yeah!
:'''Mr. Jameson''': And what's your room number?
:'''Nani''': 257!
:'''David''': 319!
:''[they both look at each other]''
:'''David''': 257!
:'''Nani''': 319! Uh, 257!
:'''Mr. Jameson''': Mmm-hmm. Well, we don't have a Room 319,257! And besides, today is ''red'' towel day, not blue!
:'''David''': ''[chuckles nervously as Nani glares at him]'' Busted.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Nani arrives home while Pleakley mops the kitchen floor]''
:'''Nani''': Where's Lilo? Is she here?
:'''Pleakley''': No, but a freshly mopped floor was here! Apparently, it just left!
:''[Lilo and Stitch arrive]''
:'''Nani''': Lilo! Are you alright?
:'''Lilo''': I'm fine! But Stitch and me need to borrow your car!
:'''Nani''': My car? Are you lolo?! 
:'''Lilo''': Stitch could drive!
:'''Nani''': He doesn't have a license!
:'''Stitch''': ''[pulls out his collar and license]'' Chuwapa!
:'''Nani''': Sorry. We only have one working car, and I need it for work!
:'''Lilo''': But there's an experiment loose!
:'''Nani''': It can find its own ride! I have to get to the rental hut. Business is way off, and old man Juan is getting grouchy.
:'''Lilo''': But--
:'''Nani''': I'll be home after work! ''[leaves]''
:'''Jumba''': Uh, little girl, is my hearing correct? One of my precious creations is running about free?
:'''Lilo''': Yeah. It likes water and it has a really big butt. ''[opens the doggy door]'' ''JUST LIKE MY SISTER!!''
:'''Nani''': Hey!
:'''Jumba''': Experiment that is liking water and having large posterior. Ah! That would be 520! ''[chuckles]'' I was true evilling genius that day. 520 turns any body of water into giant destructive wave!
:'''Lilo''': It keeps trying to get to the ocean.
:'''Jumba''': That I'd like to be seeing! Would make wave so big, whole planet will be destructed! ''[laughs maniacally until he notices Lilo glaring at him]'' Oh, it would be bad thing, yes?
:'''Lilo''': Hello?! Just think of all the jellyfish! No jellyfish, no jelly, no PB&amp;J! 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Gantu hops back to his ship after Stitch immobilized him with life preservers]''
:'''Gantu''': 625! ''[hops into the main room but fall over]''
:'''625''': Whoa! Rough day? Whoo! You look like last week's lettuce!
:'''Gantu''': Get a blaster! Hurry!
:'''625''': ''[grabs a blaster]'' Okay, now what?
:'''Gantu''': Cut me free, you insipid trog!
:'''625''': You're in luck, fish breath. I took a class in advanced applied blasting. ''[fires the blaster]''
:'''Gantu''': Hey!
:'''625''': Oops! ''[fires the blaster again]''
:'''Gantu''': Careful!
:'''625''': Sorry! ''[fires the blaster once more]''
:'''Gantu''': Ow!
:'''625''': Stop squirming!
:'''Gantu''': Ooh!
:'''625''': My bad.
:'''Gantu''': You almost vaporized me!
:'''625''': Oh, yeah? That's what my teacher used to say!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[After 520 creates a giant wave to wash away Gantu]''
:'''Lilo''': I'm gonna name you, Cannonball, because you like to make waves.
:'''Cannonball''': Nagachu!
:'''Moses''': Congratulations, Lilo! ''[places the first place ribbon on Lilo's sand sculpture]'' Mertle's design is good, too, but you showed more aloha today. ''[gestures to the giant &quot;ALOHA&quot; signature on the tower]''
:'''Lilo''': Awesome!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Gantu wakes up after being washed away by Cannonball]''
:'''Gantu''': Huh?! [[w:San Francisco|San Francisco]]?! Oh, dumb blitznak!

== ''Yapper (Experiment 007 a.k.a. Gigi)'' [1.08] ==
:''[Lilo goes through a shopping list while Stitch carries the groceries]''
:'''Lilo''': That's it: Eggs, bread, peanut butter... Didn't we buy this stuff two days ago?
:'''Stitch''': ''[eats the whole grocery bag]'' Kinjiju ichay!
:'''Lilo''': Oh, right. You ate everything.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch goes crazy after eating a whole barrel full of [[w:Kona Coffee|Kona coffee beans]] and chugs down water from a fire hydrant]''
:'''Mertle''': Looks like your weird dog needs to go to obedient school.
:'''Yuki, Teresa and Elena''': ''YYYYEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!''
:'''Lilo''': Stitch ''is'' obedient! He just has a problem with coffee. Stitch! Shut it off!
:''[Stitch twists the hydrant and puts the valve back on]''
:'''Lilo''': ''[notices Mertle's new [[w:Shih-Tzu|Shih-Tzu]]]'' You have a dog?
:'''Mertle''': We prefer the term, &quot;fur-person&quot;. I found her. Her name is Gigi. She's going to the National Junior Dog Show in Honolulu this weekend.
:''[As Stitch goes near Gigi, she yaps loudly at him]''
:'''Stitch''': Hmmm...
:'''Mertle''': But ''you'' wouldn't know anything about dog shows!
:'''Lilo''': I know ''everything'' about dog shows!
:''[a chomp is heard and Lilo sees that Stitch has swallowed Gigi alive; Mertle screams]''
:'''Lilo''': Stitch! ''[pulls Gigi out of Stitch's mouth and gives her back to Mertle]'' Sorry. It's the coffee.
:'''Mertle''': ''[gasps]'' Gigi's clauffeur! ''[Lilo pull's Gigi's bow out of Stitch's mouth]'' Found it! ''[puts the bow back on Gigi]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Jumba and Pleakley agrees to take Lilo to Honolulu to enter in the dog show]''
:'''Nani''': You promise to watch her?
:'''Jumba''': As if she were precious treasure. Crossing my heart.
:'''Pleakley''': And I will make sure she brushes her teeth and wears her seatbelt and never talks to rangers!
:'''Nani''': Strangers!
:'''Pleakley''': No strangers? But some of the most interesting people to talk to are stran... ''[Nani glares at him angrily]'' Right! No strangers!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu gears up to capture another experiment]''
:'''625''': Hey, going out to capture a useless experiment, huh?
:'''Gantu''': Useless, perhaps, but this one should be easy.
:'''625''': Yeah, right, halibut head! That's what you said about the other two or three dozen!
:'''Gantu''': Ah, but I have a new strategy: Since the little girl and the abomination always seem one step ahead of me, I'll simply follow them! ''[laughs but then hears thunder]'' Ah, thundershower! Hmm, maybe Hämsterviel doesn't need this experiment. He's in jail anyway. How would he find out if...
:'''625''': ''[talking to Hämsterviel]'' That's exactly what he said, sir: &quot;Maybe Hämsterviel doesn't ''need'' this experiment!&quot; ''[Gantu angrily glares at 625]'' Don't forget your umbrella!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after the gang land in Honolulu, courtesy of Pleakley's 28 credit cards]''
:'''Pleakley''': At last, the big city.
:''[Stitch runs up to a view of Honolulu and laughs maniacally]''
:'''Lilo''': I know you always wanted to see a big city.
:'''Jumba''': ''See'' big cities? 626 programmed to ''destroy'' big cities!
:'''Lilo''': But he won't, because he wants to be good and help me win the dog show and show Mertle we're ''not riffraff!'' Right, Stitch?
:'''Stitch''': ''[reluctantly]'' Mmm-hmm.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Registration Lady''': Dog's name?
:'''Lilo''': Stitch.
:'''Registration Lady''': And what exactly is your dog's breed, dear?
:'''Lilo''': Blue-furred Extoplasmic Detection Dog. Ancient Egyptians used them to contact their mummy relatives in the underworld.
:'''Registration Lady''': I don't see any...
:'''Lilo''': He's very rare. Probably the last of his breed. Only the top dog people really know about them.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo wakes up]''
:'''Lilo''': It's 6:30! We overslept! Stitch, wake up! ''[pulls out the blanket to see Stitch gone]'' Oh, no! He went out to destroy the city!
:'''Jumba''': Ooh! I always wanted to witness that!
:''[they suddenly look behind them to see Stitch has actually left to grab some ice cubes]''
:'''Stitch''': Egata?
:'''Lilo''': Oh, I thought... Never mind.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu captures Gigi]''
:'''Mertle''': My Gigi!
:'''Jumba''': My experiment!
:'''Pleakley''': Your what?!
:'''Jumba''': Experiment 007! Did not to recognize after so many grooming and watch ribbons!
:'''Lilo''': Gigi... is an experiment?!
:'''Jumba''': Sure! Very early project. Can lie down, sit, fetch, annoy neighbors with evil shrill bark.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo, Stitch, Jumba, and Pleakley have returned home; Pleakley counts the beauty products he got from Honolulu]''
:'''Pleakley''': Soaps, shampoos, bathrobe, love it! It's just like being there! 
:'''Nani''': ''[appears with a ton of mail]'' All the mail is for you, Pleakley. Looks like it's all bills.
:'''Pleakley''': Bills? What are bills?
:'''Nani''': Bills are what you ''owe'' when you charge on your 28 credit cards!
:'''Pleakley''': Owe? As in money? Nobody asked for any money. ''[looks at a bill]'' Oh, my goodness! Is that a balance due or an intergalactic zip code?! How can they do this to me?! I'm not even a citizen!

== ''Yin-Yang (Experiments 501 &amp; 502 a.k.a. Yin and Yang)'' [1.09] ==
:''[Gantu gets out of his shower to find that Experiments 501 and 502 have both activated at the same time]'' 
:'''Gantu''': By the luck of the Fubockoo Nebula! Two experiments at the same time! Do you realize what this means?! Dr. Hämsterviel will pay a double bounty on delivery! ''[625 is sitting in his chair, reading a book]'' Eh, 625? ''[no response, Gantu removes the book to see that 625 is really fast asleep]'' '''625!!'''
:'''625''': ''[wakes up to see Gantu in a towel]'' Ooh, yow! Not what I like to see when I first wake up! ''[gets up to leave]''
:'''Gantu''': ''[blocks the way out]'' I've been thinking...
:'''625''': Ooh, careful! Don't hurt yourself using all that brain power!
:'''Gantu''': It's time you started pulling your weight around here. You're going to help me capture those experiments!
:'''625''': Y'know what, babe, I would love to, but I can't. It'd cut in to my sandwich schedule.
:'''Gantu''': ''[grabs 625 and gets ready to punch him]'' Add this to you schedule: A ''knuckle'' sandwich!
:'''625''': Just lost my appetite! Fine, I'll go! ''[Gantu drops him]'' Whoa! Hold on, brainiac! Don't you think it'd be better if we split up and each went after ''one'' experiment?
:'''Gantu''': What? I'd just leave you alone to goof off?!
:'''625''': If Wittle Gantu needs me to hold his hand and go witch him, I will!
:'''Gantu''': Fine! We'll each catch our own!
:'''625''': Good! I'll just pack some sandwiches.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch get into an argument after failing to wax David's board while David was trying to teach them about [[w:Yin and Yang|Yin and Yang]]]''
:'''Lilo''': I don't know what David was talking about. I could've waxed that board without you!
:'''Stitch''': Naga tay!
:'''Lilo''': Could too! Because I'm smarter!
:'''Stitch''': Hmph! Wa naga tikiday!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch fail to capture 501 and 502]''
:'''Lilo''': You had him, alright! Tied up his arms like a pretzel! It was hurting him, you big bully!
:'''Stitch''': Nugishaw!
:'''Lilo''': It was ''not'' my fault!
:'''Stitch''': Nugishaw!
:'''Lilo''': Was not!
:'''Stitch''': Nugishaw!
:'''Lilo''': '''WAS NOT!!'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Jumba explains 501 and 502 to Lilo and Stitch]''
:'''Jumba''': Is very important 501 and 502 do ''not'' come in contact.
:'''Lilo''': Why?
:'''Jumba''': If they were to touch, could be cataclysmic disaster of epic proportions!
:'''Lilo''': Why? 
:'''Jumba''': Because of massive release of quantum energy! 501 plus 502 equal one big boom!
:'''Pleakley''': What is it with you and the big booms and the evil and the destruction? Why didn't you create an experiment to do something constructive, like, say, oh, I don't know, IRONING?!
:'''Jumba''': I am genius only! Not miracle worker.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch challenge each other that they can capture the experiments without the other]''
:'''Jumba''': 626 accepts little girl's challenge. Of course, genetically superior 626 will easily catches target before little girl.
:'''Pleakley''': Pshaw! He's nothing without Lilo! She has Earth brains, Earth instinct. He's just a monster!
:'''Jumba''': Perhaps willing to make a wager?
:'''Pleakley''': Willing?! I am ''dying'' to! But galactic waging rules requires stakes.
:'''Jumba''': ''[chuckles]'' Stakes are best part. Let's see. Ha! Loser of bet must perform dreaded Gloknar Ceremony Dance!
:'''Pleakley''': ''[gasps]'' The thunky Gloknar?! The Witless Dance of 1,000 hours!
:'''Jumba''': Is one-eye scared like &quot;bok-bok&quot; Earth fowl that crosses road?
:'''Pleakley''': Not this one-eye, Senor Four-Eye!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu falls into a 625's sandwich trap as Lilo, Stitch, Jumba, and Pleakley spy on them]''
:'''Gantu''': Did you hear that?! Those experiments have escaped again, thanks to you!
:'''Lilo''': Oh, no!
:'''625''': Oh, that is so pathetic that you have to blame for your screwup! Hmph!
:'''Gantu''': If we had worked together in the first place, like I said, we wouldn't be in this mess!
:''[Lilo and Stitch realize the error of their ways after hearing this]''
:'''Lilo''': The big dummy is right, Stitch. 
:'''Stitch''': Ih.
:'''Lilo''': Maybe if we worked together...
:'''Jumba''': Never mind making up! First, be finding 501 and 502 and making certain they do not make with the touching or tapping or patting!
:'''Lilo''': Why do you keep saying that?
:'''Jumba''': If I'm telling once, I'm telling more than once! Lava genius experiment and water genius experiment must not touch!
:'''Lilo''': Wait a minute, that's not what David said.
:'''Jumba''': And what does local surfer boy know of this?!
:'''Lilo''': Maybe it's what he was trying to tell us about Yin and Yang: two very different things come together to make on good thing. Like peanut butter and jelly. Or doughnuts and mustard.
:'''Stitch''': Stitch and Lilo?
:'''Lilo''': Yeah.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch work together to capture Yin and Yang and shake hands at the end]''
:'''Pleakley''': Aha! Lilo's clever plan worked! I win!
:'''Jumba''': No, no, no! It was 626's strength and agility that captured experiments. ''I'' am winning!
:'''Lilo''': Nope! We caught'em at the exact same time together. Right, Stitch?
:'''Stitch''': Ih, ih!
:'''Jumba''': Which means we tied! Yeah-- Oh! No, is not good.
:'''Pleakley''': Intergalactic wagering rules states in the events of a tie, ''both'' parties must pay the bet! ''[sobs]'' We both lose!

== ''Kixx (Experiment 601)'' [1.10] ==
:''[Lilo falls over while trying to skateboard without following Keoni's advice]''
:'''Keoni''': Crazy bale! Are you alright?
:'''Lilo''': Skateboarding is stupid.
:'''Keoni''': Hey, no pain, no gain. You can't expect to learn it all in one try.
:'''Lilo''': I tried twice! 
:'''Keoni''': This time, I'll teach you how to stop.
:'''Lilo''': I know how to stop. I'm stopping skateboarding. ''[takes off the helmet and gives it to Keoni]'' Let's go, Stitch.
:''[Stitch gives Keoni his backpack, which is empty after he ate Keoni's shoes and macadamia nuts, and then leaves with Lilo]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Jumba''': Ah, yes! That's 601. Oh, he's trouble. Is big bully. Sole purpose is to pick fights. Will defeat anyone except, maybe, 626.
:'''Lilo''': No experiment can beat Stitch. Stitch is undefeatable! Right, Stitch?
:'''Stitch''': ''[standing on the ceiling]'' Ih. ''[grumbles and then falls off the ceiling]''
:'''Lilo''': Come on, we've got to catch 601, and you're driving!
:'''Stitch''': Ih!
:''[scene cuts to Stitch driving the buggy in reverse]''
:'''Lilo''': You really aren't yourself today, are you?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Jumba diagnoses Stitch to see what is wrong with him]''
:'''Jumba''': I have diagnosis!
:'''Lilo''': What is it?
:'''Jumba''': He ate macadamia nut.
:'''Pleakley''': That's it?
:'''Lilo''': Is that bad?
:'''Jumba''': Normally, macadamia nut is delicious snack. But data indicates he also ate tennis shoe.
:'''Lilo''': A left one, but he spit it up!
:'''Jumba''': Not soon enough. Combination of metolayic acid found in macadamia nut oil and tennis shoe rubber created same chemical compound as Crezonyte.
:'''Pleakley''': Crezonyte?! Ugh! Ew! It's toxic stuff! It ruins your complexion! Ruined mine anyway!
:'''Lilo''': So... what did that stuff do to Stitch?
:'''Jumba''': Caused system to shut down. He is like computer creation. Wipe out all training memory. 626's superpowers go super-kaput!
:'''Lilo''': How will he defeat 601 if he can't remember how to fight?
:'''Jumba''': ''[sighs]'' We'll have to retrain from scratch.
:'''Lilo''': You did once. You can do it again, right?
:'''Jumba''': Wrong. Last time training gave slipped disk.
:'''Lilo''': So who's gonna retrain Stitch? Me?
:'''Jumba''': Excellent idea! ''[drops a stack of books near Lilo]'' Here are training manuals, must be trained in agility, hand-by coordination, and strength. Wishing you for good luck.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch is almost done with his training]''
:'''TV Reporter''': This just in: The purple pugilist pig was just seen running down Pier 13. It appears he's headed for Muscle Bay.
:'''Stitch''': ''[snarls]'' Ogata! Ogata!
:'''Lilo''': Almost, but not yet. We've got one more training manual to go: &quot;Fighting Four-Armed Beasts&quot;.
:'''Stitch''': Stitch ready!
:'''Lilo''': Don't you think this might come in handy?
:'''Stitch''': Carachita! ''[runs off to challenge Kixx]''
:'''Lilo''': Stitch, no! You're gonna get your keister kicked! '''STITCH!!!'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu has a broken leg after being defeated by Kixx]''
:'''Gantu''': How could it beat me?! I'm an expert at 12 martial arts! Judo, Glaxian Jiu-Jitsu!
:'''625''': You're lying! The only martial you know is Tae-kwan-get-your-butt-kicked!
:'''Gantu''': I will not be made a fool of!
:'''625''': Too late!
:'''Gantu''': I will capture you...

== ''Splodyhead (Experiment 619)'' [1.11] ==
:''[Lilo and Stitch lost an experiment pod to a seagull who flew off to [[w:Ni'ihau|Ni'ihau]]; Lilo and Stitch ride around the rental hunt on their tricycle]''
:'''Lilo''': Aloha, Nani! Going to Ni'ihau! Bye!
:'''Nani''': Lilo!
:'''Lilo''': ''[whispers to herself]'' Almost made it. 
:'''Nani''': You are not crossing 15 miles of open ocean alone.
:'''Lilo''': But I'll have Stitch with me.
:'''Nani''': Stitch sinks, remember?
:'''Lilo''': Then why don't you come?
:'''Nani''': I can't. I told David I'd help out at the resort luau, setting tables and lighting tiki torches.
:'''Lilo''': But this is an epic showdown. You see, although I believe all creatures have some good in them, Stitch thinks Gantu is pure evil. So, he ''really'' wants to get this experiment pod we're after.
:'''Stitch''': Ih! ''[pedals hardly on the trike]''
:'''Lilo''': No, Stitch! Wait!
:'''Stitch''': ''[pedals so hard that part of the trike becomes buried in sand]'' Spabata! 
:'''Nani''': ''[sighs]'' Alright. You can go, but house rules apply.
:'''Lilo''': I know: take Jumba and Pleakley and be home for dinner! Thanks! And good luck with your bit torch-lighting gig!
:'''Nani''': And good luck fighting evil! What am I saying?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch takes his duty to find the experiment very seriously as he looks around the rocks]''
:'''Stitch''': Maka maka! Egata!
:'''Lilo''': What's your hurry?
:'''Stitch''': Meega kweesta Gantu!
:'''Lilo''': We're not after Big, Tall, and Ugly. Let's just concentrate on getting the pod before he does, okay?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu returns to his ship after looking around the island while 625 relaxes nearby]''
:'''625''': Hey, I see you caught an experiment!
:'''Gantu''': What?! Where?!
:'''625''': Gotcha! ''[laughs]'' Ah, you're way too easy, G! So, did ya find anything?
:'''Gantu''': Only ocean and a wall of rock. The trog probably got to the experiment first!
:'''625''': ''[hears a zap sound]'' Hey, is that the experiment?
:'''Gantu''': Ha, ha, very funny.
:'''625''': No, no, no! I mean it! ''[ducks behind a rock]''
:'''Gantu''': I'm not falling for it!
:''[Suddenly, a giant plasma shot explodes near Gantu and he is blasted to where 625 is hiding]''
:'''Gantu''': You weren't kidding.
:'''625''': Figured it out by yourself, did ya, fish flanks?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo, Stitch, Jumba, Pleakley, Gantu, and 625 are stranded on the island due to Splodyhead]''
:'''Lilo''': Okay, things are not working out like we planned, but they could be worse.
:'''Pleakley''': Worse than being trapped under this rock and stranded on this accursed island?!
:'''625''': Without food and water?!
:'''Jumba''': Don't forget, 619 is waiting to blast us to pieces.
:'''Gantu''': And the sun is going down.
:'''Lilo''': Well... We could have the mumps.
:''[everyone stares at Lilo in disbelief]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Nani returns home with groceries]''
:'''Nani''': Lilo? Anybody? ''[the phone rings; she picks it up]'' Lilo?
:'''David''': Nani? It's David. You still coming by to help set up the luau?
:'''Nani''': ''[sighs]'' Lilo went to Ni'ihau with the aliens. She was supposed to be home by now, but, of course, she isn't, so....
:'''David''': Rescue mission?
:'''Nani''': Bingo.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after Jumba tells Lilo that Splodyhead plans to pick the group off one by one]''
:'''Pleakley''': ''[draws an eye on a coconut]'' One by one? Marking us each for a fiery demise, 'till one of use is left all alone. It really will be me! Right, Coco? Coco here was raised on the Forbidden Isle, and knows the secrets of its evil curse!
:'''Jumba''': Strange fruit has secret information? Let me see, gimme that.
:'''Pleakley''': Stay away from Coco! We have a plan! We're not staying here a second longer! Run, Coco! Run! ''[runs out into the ocean]'' Escape the Forbidden Island! ''[a giant wave washes him back ashore]'' Oh, the indignity! And the evil curse!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Nani and David take Lilo and the group back to Kauai; Gantu and 625 are also given rides after giving away Splodyhead as payment]''
:'''Pleakley''': ''[put Coco into the water]'' You did it, Coco. You finally escaped the Forbidden Island, though not its evil curse. Not its evil curse.
:'''David''': Ni'ihau is not forbidden because of a curse. It's forbidden because you need an invitation to visit.
:'''Pleakley''': NO CURSE?! Of course, I knew it all the time.

== ''Amnesio (Experiment 303)'' [1.12] ==

:'''Computer''': ''Warning. Experiment 303 activated. Primary function: erases memories.''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:'''Lilo''': Stitch... Do you remember what day it is?
:'''Stitch''': ''[snores]'' Naga.
:'''Lilo''': It's the best day of the year: my birthday! ''[shakes Stitch's bed, waking up Stitch]''
:'''Stitch''': ''[groans]'' Bata ichi!
:'''Lilo''': ''[pulls Stitch's blanket away]'' Wake up, sleepyhead!
:'''Stitch''': Chubata! ''[grabs the blanket with his toes, tripping Lilo]''
:'''Lilo''': Fine! But you'll miss the balloons, and the mariachi band, and cake... coconut cake!
:''[the mention of coconut cake wakes up Stitch, who excitingly chews on his pillow]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Lilo, Stitch, and Gantu had their memories erased by Experiment 303]''
:'''Lilo''': What am I doing here? And who are you guys?
:'''Gantu''': I'm... uh... I'm not quite sure who I am, frankly.
:'''Lilo''': And who are you?
:'''Stitch''': Trumba! Meega enesta chi?
:'''Lilo''': He's even more confused than us. He's speaking a different language.
:'''Gantu''': ''[chuckles]'' It's okay, little fella. No... ''[Stitch bites his finger]'' OW!
:'''Lilo''': Watch out! It's a monster! ''[ducks under a table]''
:'''Stitch''': '''MEEGA NALA KWEESTA!!!''' ''[grabs a palm tree and pounds Gantu with it and then runs off to wreak havoc]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Lilo/Martha and Gantu/Lenny go into an arcade; Lilo/Martha is playing [[w:Galaga|Galaga]]]''
:'''Lilo/Martha''': Hey, Lenny! I won an extra ship! 
:''[Gantu/Lenny looks around the arcade to find what looks like Stitch but is really a kid in a blue outfit]''
:'''Gantu/Lenny''': ''[pulls out his blaster]'' Stay here, Martha.
:'''Kid''': ''[playing [[w:Street Fighter|Street Fighter]]]'' You want some? Oh, yeah!
:'''Gantu/Lenny''': ''[grabs the kid]'' I've got you know, convict!
:'''Kid''': Help!
:'''Lilo/Martha''': Lenny, no! He's not the convict! He's just a kid!
:'''Gantu/Lenny''': Martha, I think I know a little more about criminals than you. ''[looks that he really just grabbed a kid]'' Oh. Sorry, kid. ''[puts the kid down]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Jumba and Pleakley see that Lilo, Stitch, and Gantu have lost their memories]''
:'''Jumba''': Uh-oh! Is Experiment 303.
:'''Pleakley''': Oh, Experiment 303. Well, now it all makes sense. ''[angrily turns to Jumba]'' You think I know all 626 of all your evil monsters by number?! What does it do for Earth's sake?!
:'''Jumba''': Is designed to wipe out memories. 
:'''Pleakley''': You made a monster that gives people amnesia?!
:'''Jumba''': Guess. I can see it was success.
:'''Lilo/Martha''': Go back a second. Did you say I'm Lilo?
:'''Jumba''': Of course. 
:'''Stitch''': Neesa amina?
:'''Jumba''': You are 626, also called Stitch. You catch my experiments like Experiment 303, and find one true place where they belong.
:'''Lilo/Martha''': ''[points to Gantu/Lenny]'' And he helps us?
:'''Jumba''': Uh, no. He is evil yet incompetent experiment hunter. He is hated by pretty much everyone.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Lilo says the password that restores their memories, which is &quot;ohana&quot;]''
:'''Lilo''': Stitch?
:'''Stitch''': Lilo!
:'''Lilo''': We're back!
:'''Gantu''': So am I! To reclaim the abomination that was mine all along!
:'''Lilo''': What happened to... ''[imitates Gantu]'' &quot;I don't want my old life of evil back&quot;?
:'''Gantu''': I didn't know what I was missing.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Lilo and Stitch return home after losing Amnesio to Gantu]''
:'''Lilo''': We lost our memories, we lost an experiment to Gantu, and no one remembered my birthday.
:'''Stitch''': Oh... ''[gets an idea]'' Etaba! ''[climbs a palm tree and gnaws it into a giant tiki totem pole]'' Happy Birthday!
:'''Lilo''': Ah, you didn't have to make me a present. I remember my ohana. That's the greatest gift of all. Even if they forget my birthday.
:''[Lilo and Stitch enter the house and lights go on]''
:'''Nani, David, Jumba, Pleakley, and Cobra Bubbles''': SURPRISE!
:'''Stitch''': COCONUT CAKE! ''[grabs Lilo's cake and eats in 5 seconds flat, but leaves one slice for Lilo]''
:'''Lilo''': I thought you all forgot.
:'''Nani''': Lilo, how could I ever forget your birthday? Remember what ohana means?
:'''Lilo''': Nobody gets left behind.
:'''Stitch, Jumba, Pleakley, David, and Cobra Bubbles''': Or forgotten.
:'''Lilo''': Oh, yeah! I forgot that part.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Gantu sends Amnesio to Hämsterviel]''
:'''Hämsterviel''': Still waiting... Where is it?!
:'''Gantu''': It'll be there any second, sir.
:'''Hämsterviel''': Any second is too slow! YOU'RE FIRED! F-I-R-E... ''[Amnesio finally arrives in his cell]'' Hello, what is this? ''[Amnesio zaps him in the eyes, erasing his memories]'' What? What was I saying? Who am I?
:'''Gantu''': Your name is Doofus. You're a dangerous criminal wanted in twelve galaxies!
:'''Hämsterviel''': Ooh, I am?
:'''Gantu''': Yes. Fortunately, you were trapped and captured by me: police officer Ace Jackson!

== ''Swirly (Experiment 383)'' [1.13] ==

:'''Computer''': ''Warning. Experiment 383 activated.''
:'''Hämsterviel''': An experiment is waiting for you and your bumbling fish mitts don't grab it for me! ''[notices Gantu watching TV]'' GANTU!
:'''Gantu''': ''[sighs]'' Yes, Dr. Hämsterviel, I'll get right on it, in just a minute.
:'''Hämsterviel''': Not in just a minute! Now, you lazy squid thing! NOW!
:'''Gantu''': But it's a marathon of ''Look at This!''
:'''625''': It's chowder chop's favorite show.
:'''Hämsterviel''': Well, my favorite show is watching your fishy butt get hit by the door on your way out to ''CATCH MY EXPERIMENT!!!''
:'''Gantu''': ''[sighs]'' Yes, sir. ''[to 625]'' Record it for me?
:'''625''': Well, I could do that, but I'm thinking the Sandwich Channel.
:''[Gantu growls in frustation as he leaves]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Pleakley is practicing a juggling routine for Look At This!]''
:'''Pleakley''': Let's see. Maracas, bowling ball, precious family heirloom, that's good, and here we go! ''[begins juggling with the maracas, the bowling ball, and a priceless lamp]'' Yes! Yes! 
:''[the bowling ball lands on Pleakley's foot and the maracas hit him on the head; Stitch grabs the lamp before it could break]''
:'''Stitch''': Phew!
:'''Lilo''': Why are smashing your feet?
:'''Pleakley''': Haven't you heard? ''Look At This!'' is coming to Kauai! I intend to demonstrate the mastery of Earth-style juggling. ''[moves the bowling ball off his foot]''
:'''Lilo''': Not you too! You sound just like Mertle. She thinks ''Look At This!'' is all that!
:'''Pleakley''': Well, Mertle sounds like a small Earth female with exquisite taste! ''[Stitch begins playing with his maraca]'' Unhand my maraca, you monster! Figure out your own audition!
:'''Lilo''': Don't worry. I'd feed myself to the sharks before I let Stitch go on that show.
:'''Pleakley''': Just the same! The juggling routine is mine!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Lilo has been hypnotized by Swirly to be like Mertle, who happens to love Look at This! while Stitch is also hypnotized by him to love the show]''
:'''Mertle''': Okay, first the left hip, and.... ''[notices Lilo, who has the same hairstyle and glasses as her]'' AHH! What are ''you'' doing here, Lilo?!
:'''Lilo''': I'm not going to let ''you'' ruin our big TV debut with your boring old dance moves, ''Mer-Tle!''
:'''Yuki''': Huh?
:'''Teresa''': What?
:'''Elena''': Who are you?
:'''Stitch''': ''[dashes to the TV with a pillow and popcorn]'' Eeka toola!
:'''Mertle''': I thought you hated ''Look At This!''
:'''Lilo''': As if! You gotta love it!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Gantu has been hypnotized by Swirly; 625 then tells him to obey the first suggestion after hypnosis]''
:'''625''': Have a peanut butter sandwich. Wait, wait, make that a peanut butter and sardine sandwich!
:'''Gantu''': ''[shoves the sandwich into his mouth]'' Delicious!
:'''625''': ''[chuckles]'' Now, hop on one foot and say &quot;blah-blah-blah&quot;.
:'''Gantu''': Blah-blah-blah! ''[begins hopping around the ship]'' Blah-blah-blah!
:'''Hämsterviel''': What is the meaning of the silly hopping with the mouth filled with fancy-pancy nonsense?!
:'''625''': It's cool, Doc. Check this out. Hey, twinkle-toes, dance like a ballerina and tell Dr. Hämsterviel you're a big blubberhead.
:'''Gantu''': I'm a big blubberhead. ''[makes a goofy face and begins dancing like a ballerina]''
:'''Hämsterviel''': ''[laughs]'' The large fishy one has succumbed to the powers of Experiment 383! I remember him. Big fun at parties. Gantu, stick out your tongue and make raspberry-like spitting noises!
:'''625''': And balance yourself on a rolling pin!
:'''Hämsterviel''': While juggling your sandwich-making thing stuff!
:'''625''': With a cake on your head!
:'''Hämsterviel''': And a cherry on top!
:''[Gantu does exactly what he is told; 625 and Hämsterviel crack up laughing]''

== ''Fibber (Experiment 032)'' [1.14] ==
:''[Lilo looks at Jumba's computer to identify the new experiment she and Stitch just caught]''
:'''Lilo''': No. No. Cool, but no. I got it! It's...
:'''Jumba''': Experiment 032.
:'''Lilo''': Yeah. I knew which experiment it was all along.
:''[032 beeps loudly and his forehead lights up]''
:'''Jumba''': ''[chuckles]'' 032 says you are telling fib.
:'''Lilo''': How does he know?
:'''Jumba''': Is lie detector experiment. The more you lie, the more he beeps. Forces people to tell truth, resulting in complete chaos. Is genius, no? ''[chuckles]''
:'''Lilo''': How can the truth cause chaos?
:'''Jumba''': ''[picks up a t-shirt]'' Ah, society is like cloth, and lies are the thread which are holding it together. ''[pulls a thread on the t-shirt, causing it to fall apart]'' Pull thread, civilization unravels. ''[chuckles]'' Humans cannot survive telling truth all the time.
:'''Lilo''': I'm gonna name you Fibber. Until we find a new home for you, you can stay with me in my house.
:'''Nani''': ''[off-screen]'' Lilo! Did you clean up your room?
:'''Lilo''': Yes.
:''[Fibber beeps loudly, exposing her that she's lying]''
:'''Stitch''': ''[laughs]'' Ajibba!
:'''Lilo''': Stitch's bed. ''[Stitch stops laughing]'' That's where you'll stay. He's the one that caught you anyway. ''[Stitch growls in frustration]'' And keep him out of the way. We don't want the t-shirt of civilization to come apart.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Pleakley's cell phone begins ringing in the middle of the night; waking Lilo]''
:'''Lilo''': Pleakley, you're phone is ringing.
:'''Jumba''': Eh, it's his mother. Always calling, night and day, telling him to find wife.
:'''Lilo''': A wife? Like a lady to marry?
:'''Pleakley''': No! No! There will be no wife, no lady, and no marrying! My Earth studies are my life. I don't have time for a relationship.
:'''Lilo''': ''[picks up Pleakley's phone]'' Hello?
:'''Pleakley''': ''[whispers]'' Lilo, no! Hang up!
:''[Lilo tosses the phone to Pleakley]''
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': Hello? Pleakley? Is that you?
:'''Pleakley''': Mother?
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': Pleakley! Aw, you know how long I've been trying to reach you?
:'''Pleakley''': No, I don't! You see, I... lost my phone in the ocean.
:''[Fibber beeps loudly]''
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': So, tell me, son, have you found a nice girl to marry yet?
:'''Pleakley''': I'm working on it.
:''[meanwhile, in Lilo's rooftop dome, Stitch is kept awake by Fibber's beeping]''
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': Well, you can stop looking, because I found one for you. ''[shows a picture of an ugly Plorganarian girl]'' Ta-da! ''[Pleakley gags]'' She is breathtaking, isn't she? Now, her parents are arranging a big, fancy wedding as we speak. 
:'''Pleakley''': W-w-w-wedding?!
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': I knew you would be thrilled! Pack your things. A limo craft is on its way to bring you back home to meet your new bride!
:'''Pleakley''': Wait! I am not thrilled! ''[his mom hangs up]'' I'm the opposite of thrilled! I'm ''un''-thrilled! I DON'T WANNA GET MARRIED!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Pleakley follows Lilo and Jumba's suggestions to lie to his mother saying that he's already found a woman to marry]''
:'''Pleakley''': Yes, I'm engaged. Isn't that wonderful.
:''[Fibber beeps loudly]''
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': When did all this happen?
:'''Pleakley''': Well, just... a few hours ago. Yeah, a few hours ago. I've been... ''[Fibber beeps again]'' just so busy getting engaged that I forgot to tell you. ''[Fibber beeps twice; Stitch grabs Fibber and puts him in the ceiling lamp]'' Nice girl? Of course she's a nice girl. Cook? She's a... professional chef.
:''[Fibber's muffled beeping and lights emanate from the lamp]''
:'''Lilo''': ''[to Stitch]'' Keep him quiet!
:'''Pleakley''': Yes, I'm afraid you will have to call off that big, fancy wedding, 'cause I'm getting married on Sunday.
:''[Fibber beeps loudly]''
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': What's that crazy beeping?
:'''Pleakley''': Uh... it's the doorbell. ''[Fibber beeps again]'' Yes, it's the doorbell. Wedding planner's here. Gotta go. ''[hangs up]''
:'''Lilo''': Well?
:'''Pleakley''': She bought it. She actually bought it. This lying thing is working out really well. ''[there's a knock at the door]'' Hmm. Who could that be? Oh, it's that limo craft Mother sent to pick me up. You know, before I told her I was engaged. ''[chuckles]'' Boy, did I pull the wool over Mom's eye. She is so... ''[opens the door to see his mom, his sister Pixley and brother Bertley at the door]'' '''HERE!!!'''
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': We hopped a wormhole as soon as we found out.
:'''Pleakley''': I... I...
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': What? Did you think your own family would miss your wedding? Come here. Give Mama a hug!
:'''Pleakley''': Uh...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo asks Nani if she could pose as Pleakley's fiancé]''
:'''Nani''': Are you lolo?!
:'''Lilo''': But otherwise, I'll lose one of my alien babysitters.
:'''Nani''': You'll still have your Uncle Jumba! I'm not gonna be Pleakley's fiancé!
:'''Lilo''': Okay, I understand. Besides, Jumba is perfectly qualified to be my babysitter. Jumba! Can I play with the chainsaw?
:'''Jumba''': Of course! But try not to lose finger! Is messy!
:'''Nani''': Alright! Alright, I'll do it.
:'''Lilo''': Thanks, Nani. I'll never be bad again.
:''[Fibber beeps loudly]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Nani is serving dinner]''
:'''Nani''': ''[pulls out a burnt casserole out of the oven]'' Well... Looks like it's ready. Volcano Surprise! ''[places the casserole on the table and sits down; Pleakley puts his hand over her shoulder]''
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': Oh, it's so good to see my son finally getting married.
:'''Pixley''': So, Wendy tells us you're...
:''[Pleakley spits out his mild in shock]''
:'''Nani and Lilo''': &quot;Wendy?!&quot;
:'''Pixley''': My brother, your fiancé, the one-eyed wonder sitting next to you.
:'''Nani''': His name is Wendy?
:'''Bertley''': You're marrying him and you don't even know his name?
:'''Nani''': Oh, well... I always just call him Honeykins. ''[hugs Pleakley]''
:''[Fibber beeps loudly; Stitch grabs Fibber and tosses him into the clothes hamper and shoves laundry into it to stifle the beeping]''
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': Oh, he was always embarrassed by his name. I don't understand why. It means &quot;brave warrior&quot; in Plarganar.
:'''Bertley''': Oh, how I wanted that name.
:'''Pixley''': Maybe he was embarrassed by it because he couldn't live up to it. I mean, look at his career. 
:'''Pleakley''': Excuse me, but being an Earth expert is highly respectable.
:'''Pixley''': I'm the CEO of a medium-sized galaxy. I have a bathroom in my office. ''You'' share a bunkbed with an evil scientist. Do the math, brother.
:'''Pleakley''': Okay, okay! Pick on Wendy time is over!
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': Let's talk about the wedding. Now, how many guests are you having?
:'''Pleakley''': Guests? Oh, let's see. About..
:'''Lilo''': None. They're getting married at... City Hall.
:''[Fibber beeps again; Stitch traps Fibber in the dryer]''
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': That's crazy talk! No son of mine is swearing his intergalactically binding vows without a decent wedding!
:'''Nani''': ''[glaring at Lilo]'' Eternal binding ''vows?!''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[the phone rings; Pixley picks at up]''
:'''Pixley''': Hello. Wendy's hovel.
:'''David''': Aloha. Who is this?
:'''Pixley''': This is Pixley Pleakley, Ph.D. and CEO of the Glorknot Galaxy. Who's this?
:'''David''': This is David, surfer and Nani's boyfriend.
:'''Pixley''': Boyfriend? Apparently, Nani didn't tell you she's engaged.
:'''David''': She's ''what?!''
:'''Pixley''': Engaged, as &quot;engaged to be married.&quot; Are all you Earth people this dense? ''[hangs up]''
:'''David''': Nani's getting... ''married?!''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Pleakley's mom has Nani in a rather tight wedding dress]''
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': Oh, if only Grandma Pleakley could see you in her wedding dress.
:'''Nani''': Um, you know, I don't think we'll be able to this whole wedding thing. I mean, we don't even have anyone to marry us.
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': There, there. Not to worry. I found you a minister. He was ordained at the Happy Slots Chapel in a place called &quot;[[w:Las Vegas|Lass Vegass]]&quot;. I think the veil hides a multitude of flaws, dear.
:''[Nani, furious, waddles outside to find Lilo making the floral arrangements]''
:'''Nani''': '''LIIIIILLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!''' Ugh! Ow! ''[hops towards Lilo]'' Lilo, this has gone way too far! I'm not going to marry Pleakley!
:'''Lilo''': But it's just pretend! Like when I married the rat that lives in the garage.
:'''Nani''': ''[takes off the veil]'' His mother ordered a real minister!
:'''Lilo''': You can't back out now! 
:'''Nani''': Watch me. ''[hops away]''
:'''Lilo''': Now what do I do?
:'''Jumba''': Little girl, did you want to play with this? ''[a chainsaw is heard]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu returns from his vacation]''
:'''Gantu''': I'm home. ''[sees the ship in a total mess]'' What?! My ship!
:'''625''': The par-tay is ov-er!
:'''Gantu''': ''[turns off the radio and finds the container computer beeping]'' How long has the container computer been beeping?!
:'''625''': Ever since you left, and boy, is it irritating. I just drowned it out with ''Electro Dance Party 4.''
:'''Computer''': Warning: Experiment 032 activated.
:'''Gantu''': Oh, Hämsterviel's going to pummel me!
:'''625''': Oh, that reminds me. The rat-face called, but not to worry. I hung up on him ''before'' he described how he was gonna pummel you.
:'''Gantu''': ''[grabs 625]'' When I get back, I'm pummeling ''you!''
:'''625''': Whoa. Oh, easy. Whoa. Too late there, cod-boy. Your breath beat you to it.
:''[Gantu drops 625 and goes out to capture Fibber]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch has Gantu tied up and is swinging him around on a palm tree]''
:'''Gantu''': You won't stop me, trog! I will get that lie-detect-- ''[Stich lets go, sending him flying]'' ORRRRRRRRR!!!
:'''Pixley''': A lie-detector?
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': A lie-detector? You mean this whole thing has been a great big lie? The fiancé, the wedding, everything?
:'''Pleakley''': Not everything exactly... ''[Fibber beeps loudly]'' Yes.
:'''Pixley''': We travelled 2 million miles for nothing?! I lost 2 days of my important work for this!
:''[Fibber beeps loudly]''
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': You are not fit to wear the name Wendy! 
:''[Fibber beeps again]''
:'''Bertley''': I hate you!
:''[Fibber beeps a third time; Pleakley sobs]''
:'''Lilo''': Hey, Fibber's been beeping. All that mean stuff your family just yelled at you must not be how they really feel.
:'''Pleakley''': It wasn't?
:'''Lilo''': Why else would Fibber have been beeping?
:'''Pleakley''': So... Bertley ''doesn't'' hate me.
:'''Bertley''': ''[ashamed]'' No. I don't hate you. I never did! I was just... jealous! I mean, look at you! You're tall, you're handsome, you're a babe magnet.
:'''Pleakley''': ''[looks at Fibber]'' He didn't beep. It must be true. I'm a babe magnet!
:'''Pixley''': And you're creative, too. I've felt inferior to you my whole life.
:'''Pleakley''': But you're the CEO of a galaxy!
:'''Pixley''': I was only trying to be better than you, and what did it get me? A high-powered career, a custom shoe closet, and bone-searing loneliness!
:'''David''': Your shoes have their own closet?
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': ''[cries]'' It's all my fault! I pushed you all too hard! I just wanted my children to be happy!
:'''Pleakley''': But Mom, I ''am'' happy.
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': Oh, don't be ridiculous! How can you be happy?! You're not even married!
:'''Pleakley''': I don't wanna be married, Mother. I'm happy just as I am.
:'''Bertley''': Then... can ''I'' marry Nani?
:'''Nani and David''': No!
:'''Bertley''': Oh.
:'''Pleakley''': You know, I'm even happier now that I know that you all really love me. You do, right?
:'''Pleakley's Mom and Bertley''': Well...
:'''Pixley''': Well, you're not perfect.
:'''Nani''': Perfect? Try living with a sister who pours grape jelly in your socks.
:'''Lilo''': Or a sister who hogs the bathroom for hours.
:'''Nani''': ''[hugs Lilo]'' But no matter how much we annoy each other, we're still ohana.
:'''Lilo''': And we love our ohana, just the way we are. ''[Stitch playfully jumps on the two sisters]'' See? The t-shirt of human civilization is made of love, not lies.
:'''Minister''': I hate to interrupt the love fest, but who's dropping the cha-ching? ''[holds out the bill for his services]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu captures Fibber and returns to his ship; he tries to lie to Hämsterviel to cover up his spa vacation]''
:'''Gantu''': No, no, no. I wasn't on vacation. ''[Fibber beeps loudly]'' It was an educational conference. ''[Fibber beeps again]''
:'''Hämsterviel''': You lying lump of rubber! You're on probation! ''[disconnects; Gantu sighs and facepalms]''
:'''625''': Y'know, Fib, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
:''[they both drink their sodas and Fibber gives out a loud belch]''

== ''Tank (Experiment 586)'' [1.15] ==

:''[Note: [[w:Weird Al Yankovic|Weird Al Yankovic]] made a special guest role as a singing minstrel]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:'''Driver''': I tell you, bra, I'm giving you the kind deal. They don't 'em like this no more.
:'''Man''': Hmm. You sure the body's in ok shape?
:'''Driver''': You kiddin'? All-metal body, chrome trim. No plastic junk like today.
:''[As the driver washes his car, Experiment 586's pod gets wet and activated]''
:'''Woman''': 'Cause you know, we got a rust problem in Hawaii. This island air eats cars like nothing else in the universe. ''[Experiment 586 starts eating the car, leaving only the rubber tires]'' Except maybe him.
:''[Experiment 586 grows a little bigger, roars, and runs away, laughing]''
:'''Man''': Sorry, bra. Deal's off.
:'''625''': Hey, Gantu, ever thought about growing a goatee?
:'''Gantu''': No!
:'''625''': I'm serious. Because with your bone structure, it would look very spiffy.
:'''Gantu''': Really?
:'''625''': Sure. May I? ''[grabs a pencil and draws a mustache and goatee on Gantu's face]'' There. See? ''[holds up a mirror]''
:'''Gantu''': Not funny!
:'''625''': What? I think it looks nice. Helps disguise a few of those chins! ''[laughs]''
:'''Computer''': Warning. Experiment 586 activated.
:'''Gantu''': &quot;Primary function: metal consumption. Experiment grows exponentially larger with everything it eats.&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Mertle and the girls are calling for a radio contest to win tickets to an Elizabethan festival]''
:'''Mertle''': Come on, come on!
:'''Host''': ''Congratulations, Caller 12!''
:'''Mertle''': What?! Already!
:'''Lilo''': I won?!
:''[the girls turn to see that Lilo was the lucky caller via payphone]''
:'''Host''': ''Yes! You and a group of your closest friends and adult guardians are going to the Elizabethan festival!''
:'''Mertle''': I don't believe it!
:'''Lilo''': I won the contest for you. Now we can all go to the festival.
:'''Mertle''': Nu-uh! We have somewhere better to be. Right, girls?
:'''Yuki''': Well... not really.
:'''Teresa''': According to their homepage, the festival is way cool!
:'''Elena''': Plus, we're sick of playing dolls!
:'''Lilo''': Really?
:'''Mertle''': Fine, if you wanna go with the freak, then go! I'm staying here!
:''[pause]''
:'''Yuki, Teresa, and Elena''': Okay! ''[they leave with Lilo and Stitch]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Pleakley is getting his costume ready for the festival]''
:'''Pleakley''': I'm so excited! My first festival dedicated to primitive Earth history! Are you dressed yet?
:'''Jumba''': ''[dressed as [[w:King Henry VIII|King Henry VIII]]]'' Dressed, yes. Happy, no!
:'''Pleakley''': Cheer up. Henry VIII was a powerful ruler, even though he had a nasty habit of having his wives beheaded!
:'''Jumba''': I am liking this Henry person! ''[laughs]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Stitch, angered that he's not allowed to go to the festival, sees Mertle and pounces on her]''
:'''Mertle''': What's the matter? Upset that your friend dumped you?
:'''Stitch''': ''[releases Mertle]'' Amagata!
:'''Mertle''': Face it. You know she'd trade up someday.
:'''Stitch''': Kachuga naga!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Since Lilo is too busy with the girls, Stitch reluctantly takes Mertle to find Experiment 586, who has grown huge due to all the metal it has eaten]''
:'''Mertle''': We're not here because of that thing, are we?
:'''Stitch''': Ih!
:'''Mertle''': I don't like this anymore. Take me home!
:''[Stitch leaps out of the buggy]''
:'''Mertle''': Hey, come back!
:''[Stitch throws a mailbox into 586's face, but it does not hurt it]''
:'''Stitch''': Kachumba! 
:''[586 kicks Stitch to the hood of the buggy]''
:'''Mertle''': I'm never gonna get home with ''you'' in charge!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Tank rampages through the festival, with Gantu's ship in hot pursuit]''
:'''Yuki''': Where should we hide?!
:'''Elena''': I say we hide in the blacksmith's!
:'''Teresa''': No, the dueling buckets booth!
:'''Lilo''': We don't hide. That ship is trying to catch the experiment, but we have to beat him to it! 
:'''Yuki''': But why?
:'''Lilo''': 'Cause we're the good guys, and the good guys don't chicken out just 'cause the bad guy has a gigantic spaceship with advanced alien technology.
:'''Elena''': Mertle was right: You really ''are'' weird.
:'''Yuki and Teresa''': ''YYEEEEEAAAAHHHH!!''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Gantu holds Stitch and Mertle hostage after accidentally capturing them]''
:'''625''': I swear something's different about you. No shoes? Wait, I got it! Perm and red highlights!
:'''Mertle''': Hey, that was pretty funny what you did that tubby guy. You know, the face.
:'''625''': Really? You think so?
:'''Mertle''': Oh, yeah! I ''know'' how be mean to people. What you did, it was special.
:'''625''': I'm glad you said that, 'cause I was afraid I wasn't pushing the envelope. Y'know? Thinking outside the box. 
:'''Mertle''': I hear ya.
:'''625''': Hey, I got a prank I'm working on right now. You wanna take a look? I mean, if you got time.
:'''Mertle''': I got nothing but time!
:'''625''': ''[chuckles]'' Oh, right. It's in the other room. ''[presses a button, releasing Mertle]'' I call it &quot;Ants in Gantu's Pants&quot;. That's figurative, by the way...
:''[Mertle grabs 625 and traps him in her own containment chamber]''
:'''Mertle''': That was so easy, it was sad. ''[releases Stitch]'' Come on. Let's get outta here.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Lilo apologizes to Stitch for not treating him right and Stitch accepts her apology and forgives her; Mertle watches the whole thing from a pole]''
:'''Elena''': Mertle?
:'''Mertle''': ''[slides down]'' My friends! You've come back!
:'''Elena''': Here's the thing: we tried going with Lilo, and didn't exactly work out. So...
:'''Teresa''': We were thinking of going back to you, but only if we do something besides play dolls all the time.
:'''Mertle''': Oh, really? And what makes you think I would even take you back? I had a lot of fun without you. I chased a monster, then I got sucked into a gigantic spaceship, then...
:'''Yuki''': Maybe this was a bad idea.
:'''Teresa''': Yeah! Being alone has made her weird.
:'''Mertle''': Uh, just kidding! So, let's just be friends again. ''[the three girls continue glaring at Mertle; defeated]'' And play less dolls.

== ''Sprout (Experiment 509)'' [1.16] ==

:''[Lilo finds an experiment pod on the floor in the post office while dropping off a letter to her pen-pal]''
:'''Lilo''': Look what I found. It was right there on the floor. It must have been in somebody's mail. Experiment 509.
:'''Jumba''': Hmmm... 509. Agricultural experiment. 
:'''Lilo''': It's a plant?
:'''Jumba''': Experiment. Designs to be violent and indestructible. Looks like harmless plant one moment, but suddenly rises up like savage beast and attacks!
:'''Lilo''': Let's activate it, so we can find its one true place.
:'''Jumba''': ''[snatches the pod from Lilo]'' No, no, no! Too risky.
:'''Lilo''': But we could make friends with it, and then it won't attack.
:'''Jumba''': You're wanting to make friends with a plant? ''[laughs]'' Oh, is very compassionate, also silly! ''[puts the pod in a drawer and locks it]'' No. Impossible to activate without causing extreme destruction. Of course, is fun for me, but for planet's sake, I'm putting away, permanently.
:'''Lilo''': But--
:'''Jumba''': End of discussion! Not looking so sad. Hundreds of experiments left on the loose, wreaking havoc on island. Make friends with ''those''. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Mertle challenges Lilo to compete against her in the orchid growing contest in the Kokaua Town Fair while Stitch trains himself to enter the rodeo; Pleakley is using a jackhammer to sew seeds into his garden]''
:'''Lilo''': Pleakley, can you help me grow an orchid for the town fair?
:'''Pleakley''': Town fair? What town fair?
:'''Lilo''': Kokaua Town Fair. They have rides and food and competitions for stuff like flowers.
:'''Pleakley''': What about pineapples?
:'''Lilo''': There's a homegrown fruits and vegetables competition.
:'''Pleakley''': Homegrown fruits?! I could enter... my Pinormous! ''[gestures to his gigantic pineapple plant]'' Pinarmous will revolutionize Hawaii's pineapple industry. And then... IT WILL REVOLUTIONIZE THE WORLD!!! 
:'''Jumba''': ''[chuckles]'' You are starting to sound like evil genius.
:'''Pleakley''': Maybe, but... I'm be an evil genius for good!
:'''Jumba''': Always it starts that way. Here is evil genius fertilizer you are requesting.
:'''Lilo''': What about my orchid?!
:'''Pleakley''': Sorry, Lilo. I can't waste my precious time on something as renowned as an orchid. My Pinormous needs me, and the world needs my Pinormous! ''[notices some bamboo shoots growing]'' AAH!! My personal Eden is being invaded by bamboo runners! 
:'''Lilo''': Runners?
:'''Pleakley''': Underground roots spreading their grasping, choking evil from the mother plant. Couldn't you ever plant this to contain the roots so it won't keep spreading? So inconsiderate!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Lilo goes to the rental hut to ask Nani to help her grow an orchid]''
:'''Nani''': I'm sorry, Lilo, but I don't have time to help you with the fair. I'm working.
:'''Lilo''': But I want to enter something.
:'''Diver''': Uh, miss? Do you have another mask? This one doesn't fit quite right.
:'''Nani''': Oh, yes, sir. ''[gives the diver another mask]'' Here you go. ''[to Lilo]'' If you'd told me weeks ago...
:'''Lilo''': BUT I ONLY JUST FOUND OUT TODAY!!
:'''Nani''': Lilo! I have a customer. 
:'''Diver''': Uh, miss? This mask doesn't fit right either.
:'''Nani''': Uh, okay. ''[gives the diver another mask]'' Here. Try this one. 
:''[as the two sisters talk, Stitch, still practicing to be a cowboy, wheres flippers as boots and twirls two snorkels as if they were guns]''
:'''Lilo''': But I gotta enter something! Mertle's entering orchids, Pleakley's entering a huge evil pineapple, Stitch is going to be a cowboy at the rodeo.
:'''Nani''': ''[to Stitch]'' Cowboys where boots, not flippers. ''[to Lilo]'' Look, it takes a long time to grow an orchid. Maybe you could enter next year.
:'''Diver''': Oh, uh, miss? I'm sorry, but this one...
:'''Lilo''': THE MASK DOESN'T FIT BECAUSE '''YOUR HEAD IS SHAPED WEIRD!!!!''' ''[storms out the hut]''
:'''Stitch''': Bachuga! ''[follows Lilo]''
:'''Nani''': ''[chuckles nervously]'' Kids.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Lilo and Stitch go to the fair carrying Sprout on a wagon]''
:'''Zack Makeli''': Howdy, stranger. ''[Stitch glares at him angrily]'' I hear you're the only bullrider in this here competition. ''[Stitch nods]'' You see this? I got five of'em. One for each time I won the rodeo. And I don't expect to lose the sixth time... to a ''stranger''.
:'''Stitch''': Ihkata....
:'''Lilo''': Help me get Sprout in place, then you can kick that cowboy's rear in the rodeo.
:'''Stitch''': ''[reluctantly]'' Bachoo.
:'''Zack Makeli''': ''[laughs]'' Hey, son! A real cowboy don't get told what to do by a little girl!
:''[Stitch grumbles angrily as he takes Sprout to the orchid competition]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Lilo and Stitch retreats to the old water tower after Sprout lands on the ground and grows into a giant plant monster]''
:'''Lilo''': All my fault. Jumba locked the experiment in the drawer because he knew it was dangerous, and I took it anyways just so I could beat Mertle. I messed up everything.
:'''Stitch''': Ih.
:'''Lilo''': You could at least ''pretend'' that I didn't mess up so bad, just to make me feel better.
:'''Stitch''': I cannot.
:'''Lilo''': Ugh! Fine!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Nani watches the news]''
:'''Reporter''': We're here at the Kokaua Town Fair, where apparently, a giant orchid has burst out of its potted plant, causing pandemonium.
:'''Nani''': ''[shocked and angry]'' ''JUMBA!!''
:'''Jumba''': What?! What is emergency?!
:'''Nani''': What do you know about ''that?!'' ''[points to the TV]''
:'''Reporter''': I've never seen anything like this! It's as if alien plants have taken over the fair! James, are you getting this?! Oh, no! ''[screams]''
:'''Jumba''': Is 509... but looks much heavier on television. Little girl has been breaking big rules!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Stitch manages to pull Sprout from the ground and puts him in the water tower, where he's now in his one true place]''
:'''Lilo''': I don't know if it's his one true place, but that's the only place I think Sprout could go.
:'''Stitch''': Oh, ih.
:'''Orchid Judge 1''': Would you look at that?!
:'''Orchid Judge 2''': Wasn't that one of the entries in the orchid category.
:'''Orchid Judge 3''': Why, yes! Yes, it was! I think we've found our blue ribbon! ''[hands the blue ribbon to Lilo]'' Here you go, dear.
:'''Zack Makeli''': Y'know, if hadn't been for that overgrown dandelion, you'd have beat in the rodeo.
:'''Stitch''': Oh!
:'''Zack Makeli''': No, no, sir. You would've. I gotta admit it, 'cause a real cowboy either wins fair and square, or he loses fair and square, partner. ''[hands Stitch the rodeo belt]''
:'''Stitch''': Oh, chochamba.
:'''Lilo''': ''[remembers the fact that she cheated and gives the ribbon to Mertle]'' Here. 
:'''Mertle''': Is this a trick?
:'''Lilo''': No. You won it fair and square, and I didn't. My Pully Cove is yours for a whole week.
:'''Mertle''': Really?!
:'''Lilo''': Yeah.
:'''Mertle''': Hey! We can go to my Pully Cove without the weirdo for a whole week! ''[she and the girls cheer and leave]''
:'''Lilo''': A real cowboy knows how to lose, fair and square.
:'''Nani''': Lilo! Oh, Lilo, are you okay?
:'''Lilo''': I'm okay. Am I grounded?
:'''Nani''': What do you think?
:'''Lilo''': I guess a month would be fair.
:'''Nani''': How about a week?
:'''Pleakley''': ''[shocked and upset that his pineapple was destroyed by Sprout]'' My beautiful Pinormous! Innocence! Lost!
:'''Nani''': If we start planting for next year, I bet we could grow orchids that would kick Mertle's orcids' butt!
:'''Lilo''': Wow! I didn't even know orchids have butts.
:'''Stitch''': Oh! Yippee-Ki-Yay!

== ''Elastico (Experiment 345)'' [1.17] ==
:''[Stitch waits for Lilo outside her hula class]''
:'''Moses''': Last rehearsal is tomorrow morning. Everybody practice tonight.
:'''Mertle''': I don't need to practice. My hula story is already perfect. I call it &quot;A Day in the Life of Mertle Edmonds.&quot; I thought it would be nice to share what it's like to be me. What's ''yours'' about this year, Weirdlo? Zombies again? ''[she and the other girls laugh; Stitch growls angrily at Mertle, but Lilo calms him down]''
:'''Lilo''': Not zombies, ''mummies''! Big difference. But no, I have created an all new hula dance. 
:'''Mertle''': Let me guess: It's about something gross?
:'''Lilo''': It's about a squid! 
:'''Mertle''': Mmm-hmm. Gross! We'll be sure to miss it.
:'''Yuki, Teresa and Elena''': ''YYEEEEEAAAAAAHH!!''
:''[as the hula girls laugh; Lilo and Stitch storm back home]''
:'''Lilo''': I'm gonna practice, alright. Until I'm better than perfect.
:'''Stitch''': Yeah! Ih!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[625 is making sandwiches while using pages of newspaper as sandwich wrappers]''
:'''625''': ''Aloha Oe... Salami and rye...'' ''[humming]''
:'''Gantu''': 625, have you seen the entertainment section?
:'''625''': Uh... no?
:'''Gantu''': ''[grabs the entertainment section]'' How many times have I told you not to use the papers as sandwich wrappers?! ''[looks at the Great Elastico ad]'' Hey... That looks like... An experiment!
:'''625''': Yeah, it's the clownish experiment how delights everyone with his comic antics. 
:'''Gantu''': How would ''you'' know?!
:'''625''': Duh! You're computer announced that experiment's activation like 2 weeks ago. &quot;Primary function: Distraction of hostile forces.&quot; Alright?
:'''Gantu''': You couldn't jot down a message?! Well, I guess I'm going to the circus!
:'''625''': Great. Have some cotton candy for me, would ya? Oh, listen, can I have my wrapper back?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after Lilo scolds Stitch for distracting her during practice, Stitch sneaks into the circus to get a closer look at his cousin Elastico; the ringmaster admires Stitch's agility and indestructibility while trying to capture Elastico and pulls Stitch into the center ring]''
:'''Ringmaster''': Ladies and gentlemen, let us hear it for our surprise circus guest: the Marvelous, the Magnificent, ehh....
:'''Stitch''': Uh, Stitch?
:'''Ringmaster''': Oh, no, no, no! This will never do! You need a name which more accurately reflects your indestructible resplendency. Ladies and gentlemen, meet the Incredible Indestructerado!
:'''Stitch''': Wow! ''[takes a bow]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after Gantu captures Elastico, the circus ringmaster decides to use Stitch as his replacement]''
:'''Ringmaster''': Amigos, I like to present to you our newest sensation: The Incredible Indestructerado!
:'''Stitch''': H-h-hiiiii.
:'''Tiger Tamer''': He is no Elastico!
:''[a tiger roars at Stitch, but Stitch frightens it with a louder roar]''
:'''Wolfman''': He looks so weird.
:'''Russian Contortionist''': Da, Wolfman! He is very odd-looking creature. He fits right in, no?
:''[Gus the Clown honks his horn a few times]''
:'''Acrobat''': That's Gus talk for &quot;Welcome to our family, Indestructerado.&quot;
:''[Stitch smiles happily]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu thinks he has transported Elastico to Hämsterviel, but Elastico escaped the transporter without him knowing]''
:'''Hämsterviel''': Gantu! Sleeping on the job?
:'''Gantu''': No, sir!
:'''Hämsterviel''': You think you're so funny with your pranky little pranks!
:'''Gantu''': Uh, pranks, sir?
:'''Hämsterviel''': ''[lifts up an empty shackle]'' Sending me nothing but shackles?! ''WHERE IS MY EXPERIMENT?!?''
:''[Gantu is shocked and embarrassed]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch gets ready for the grand finale before he leaves Kauai until Lilo comes in backstage]''
:'''Lilo''': Stitch? Is that you?
:'''Stitch''': Lilo? ''[suddenly remembers how she treated him and pouts]''
:'''Lilo''': I know you're mad at me, 'cause I was too busy with my show to pay attention to you. You aren't really going to Vegas, are you? You'll never see your ohana again.
:'''Stitch''': Circus means family, and family means &quot;Stitch does not get left behind&quot;!
:'''Lilo''': I never meant to leave you behind.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch have defeated Gantu with help from Elastico and the circus group]''
:'''Stitch''': ''[picks up Lilo's broken seashell necklace]'' Uh, isa brokuba.
:'''Lilo''': It's okay. I can always make another one. 
:'''Stitch''': Yeah?
:'''Lilo''': I should never have ignored you because of my dumb old hula dance. Being there for you and helping you find your cousins is so much more important.
:'''Ringmaster''': Well, Indestructerado, we must leave for Las Vegas. It is time to say your goodbyes.
:'''Stitch''': Ah, oh, um...
:'''Ringmaster''': Unless you have reconsidered joining our family.
:'''Stitch''': But... contract.
:'''Ringmaster''': Ah, yes. You signed the contract. ''[produces the contract from his hand]'' This contract was written in the name of Indestructerado, but you signed the name... Stitch. Oh, this contract is numb and void! ''[the contract disappears]'' Que payna! Go, be with your ''real'' family. ''[he and Elastico hug Stitch]''
:'''Stitch''': Goodbye. ''[he and Lilo leaves]''
:'''Wolfman''': We'll never forget you, Indestructerado.

== ''Yaarp (Experiment 613)'' [1.18] ==
:''[Lilo gives her presentation on her idea to improve the hula school; Stitch pantomimes while she does this]''
:'''Lilo''': Ahem. Aliens are not folktales. They are real! And they can be deadly. Aliens are very sneaky. They can be 20 feet tall and look like a whale. ''[Stitch bends his ears to look like Gantu]'' Or they can disguise themselves as your very own uncle. ''[Stitch imitates Jumba's laugh]'' Or your very own aunt. ''[Stitch waves his arms wildly like Pleakley]'' They shoot laser beams and they can even rampage through a city. ''[Stitch rampages through a city made of fruit]'' Destroying everything in sight. They can strike ''anywhere'' at ''anytime''. Including.... HERE!!
:'''Stitch''': Dum-dum-DAAAA!!!!
:'''Teresa''': Is she serious?
:'''Yuki''': Aliens?
:'''Mertle''': That dog is so ugly!
:'''Moses''': Lilo...
:'''Lilo''': The Kia Luhale is a happy place. ''[Stitch holds up Scrump]'' But only because we are blissfully ignorant of the alien scourge that threatens to enslave all of humanity. ''[Stitch throws Scrump on the ground and chews on her]'' Ending us to its twisting will, and making us eat limes!
:'''Moses''': Lilo! What is your idea to improve Kia Luhale?
:'''Lilo''': I think we need to install an alien invasion alarm, for the good of all humankind.
:'''Stitch''': Bark!
:'''Lilo''': Oh, and any friendly aliens who may or may not be living here disguised as my dog. ''[she and Stitch take a bow]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch was knocked into a big bookshelf after being hit by 613's sonic blasts]''
:'''Lilo''': Let's go, Stitch! They're getting away! ''[Stitch is deaf from the blast and can't hear Lilo]'' What's wrong, Stitch?
:'''Stitch''': Jaba?
:'''Lilo''': ''[loudly]'' CAN YOU HEAR ME?!
:'''Stitch''': Naga. Naga sonika.
:'''Lilo''': His hearing's broken! 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Jumba inspects Stitch's ears]''
:'''Jumba''': This is work of Experiment 613. Was first attempt to wreak havoc with high-decibel sonic disturbance, resonate compression, and osculating vibrational distortion. Simple to say, he makes loud noises.
:'''Lilo''': Gotcha.
:'''Jumba''': Sonic blast can shatter windows, flatten buildings, and cause acute loss of hearing.
:'''Stitch''': Gaba?
:'''Jumba''': Acute loss of hearing!
:'''Stitch''': Gaba?
:'''Jumba''': ''[puts a conch shell in Stitch's ear]'' '''ACUTE LOSS OF HEARING!!'''
:'''Stitch''': Ah! Odhigi noeeba!
:'''Lilo''': Jumba, there's nothing cute about hearing loss.
:'''Jumba''': Is correct. Fortunately, in 626's case, is only temporary.
:'''Lilo''': Good! We can catch 613 and still be home in time to write that letter to the mayor before dinner. Come on, Stitch.
:'''Jumba''': No, no, no! 626's super hearing makes him super sensitive to super sonic attack. He cannot be going.
:'''Lilo''': Can't you make him something like those earmuffs Gantu was wearing?
:'''Jumba''': Of course! Can have ready by next Tuesday.
:'''Lilo''': Tuesday?!
:'''Jumba''': Monday is federal holiday.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Pleakley is sent to capture Yaarp with a vacuum since he has no ears]''
:'''Pleakley''': Trigger to fire. Backup for safety. ''[a flash of light startles him]'' '''WHOOOAAAAH!!!''' ''[blindly sucks up a couple's clothes]''
:'''Charles''': Can we please have our clothes back?
:'''Mary''': We're on our honeymoon.
:'''Pleakley''': Oh. Congratulations! ''[shoots the clothes back to the couple]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu captures Stitch and agrees to set him free in exchange for Yaarp; Lilo meets Gantu in the natural history museum]''
:'''Gantu''': Earth girl.
:'''Lilo''': Big dummy. ''[opens up the cage, releasing Yaarp]''
:'''Gantu''': ''[puts on his earmuffs]'' Foolish Earth forms! Why haven't you soundproofed him?!
:'''Lilo''': Because we're plotting to rescue Stitch.
:'''Gantu''': Say again?
:'''Lilo''': 'CAUSE WE'VE TRAINED HIM TO OBEY HIS MASTER!
:'''Gantu''': Ah, well, I suppose that will save Hämsterviel the trouble. Now hand him over.
:'''Lilo''': Hold it! Where's Stitch?
:''[Gantu pulls Stitch from his armpit]''
:'''Stitch''': ''[coughs]'' Spubata! Ranka patookie!
:'''Lilo''': Okay...
:''[Yaarp comes to Gantu; Gantu kicks Stitch toward Lilo]''
:'''Gantu''': See how easy this can be? Aloyha, losers!
:''[Lilo winks to Stitch and whistles; Yaarp lets out a large sonic blast, startling Gantu]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[thanks to Yaarp's sonic blast, the museum's security surround Gantu, but Gantu escapes]''
:'''Mayor''': Did you get a good look at him Nicolé?
:'''Nicolé''': Yes, sir. He looked like... a whale, sir. I'm afraid he got away.
:'''Mayor''': Huh. My city is being bullied by a rampaging whale?
:'''Lilo''': Excuse me. Did you say ''your'' city?
:'''Mayor''': Yes, I did. Mayor Anolo. Who are you?
:'''Nicolé''': She's the one that tripped the alarm.
:'''Lilo''': My name's Lilo, and I didn't trip the alarm. It was my pet large-horned wild pig.
:'''Mayor''': Your pig tripped the alarm.
:'''Lilo''': No! He ''is'' the alarm.
:'''Mayor''': That's a pretty big voice for such a little fella.
:''[Yaarp lets out a happy honk]''
:'''Mayor''': Well, thanks for your help, Lilo.
:''[Stitch uncrumples Lilo's letter to the Mayor and gives to her]''
:'''Stitch''': Small person, big voice.
:'''Lilo''': Mr. Mayor!
:'''Mayor''': Yes?
:'''Lilo''': I thought you should know that the &quot;whale&quot; isn't really a whale.
:'''Mayor''': It's not?
:'''Lilo''': Nope. Actually, he's a space alien.
:'''Mayor''': Well, thank goodness. I'd have a hard time explaining a rampaging whale to the city counsel.
:'''Lilo''': It's occurred to me that some of the city's most important buildings might benefit from having alien invasion alarms installed.
:'''Mayor''': ''[laughs]'' An alien invasion alarm system? Well, that's the most ridi--
:'''Mary''': Are you the mayor of this city?
:'''Mayor''': That's right. What can I do for you?
:'''Mary''': We just wanted you to know that you ruined our honeymoon!
:'''Charles''': Your city is crawling with weird creatures! ''[shows the mayor pictures of Yaarp, Gantu, and Pleakley]''
:'''Mary''': We're leaving for the mainland immediately, and we are never coming back! Good day!
:'''Lilo''': In the interest of continued tourism, you might like to read this. ''[hands the mayor her letter]''

== ''Experiment 627'' [1.19: Thanksgiving Special] ==
:''[Note: The episode title is just ''627'']''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch has captured and reformed 515 (a.k.a. Deforestator) in less than 2 minutes, making him and Lilo overly proud of himself]''
:'''Lilo''': Give it up for the greatest, the bestest, the baddest, the King of Kokaua Town: Stitch! ''[takes a picture of a sunglasses-clad Stitch]''
:'''Pleakley''': Finally! I was getting worried! 
:'''Lilo''': You should never worry. Not when I have Stitch with me to kick butt!
:'''Pleakley''': Lilo! Such language was outlawed by the Balorian Universal Talking Treaty and your big sister, who had to work late. Now, will you assist me setting out the Thanksgiving dinner?
:'''Lilo''': Thanksgiving? Again?
:'''Pleakley''': It is once a month, right?
:'''Lilo''': Is there pumpkin pie?
:'''Pleakley''': Of course!
:'''Lilo''': Yep. Once a month. Help set the table, Stitch?
:''[Stitch pushes an easy chair to the table]''
:'''Lilo''': Okay. You did earn your keep pretty good today.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Jumba enraged at how Stitch has acted bossy during dinner, creates a new experiment and activates it in front of Pleakley]''
:'''Jumba''': Allow me to be introducing Experiment 627!
:'''627''': '''EVIL!!!'''
:'''Jumba''': Has all strengths of 626, none of weaknesses. Does not sink in water, available in tasteful Earth-tone colors, and absolutely, positively, cannot be turned to good.
:'''627''': Evil, evil, evil!
:'''Pleakley''': Why would you make such an awful, snarling, clawing, growling little monster who can only say...
:'''627''': Evil!
:'''Jumba''': Ah, 626 needed a reality check. Besides, have plans lying around. You know, evil genius, use it or lose it.
:'''Pleakley''': This is completely against galactic regulations, and all good said, I'm going to--
:'''Jumba''': ''[grabs Pleakley]'' I have ''other'' old plans. Like maybe for experiment with giant finger for poking ''someone's giant eye!''
:'''Pleakley''': Well, maybe the others don't need to know just yet. As long as it doesn't do anything...
:'''627''': Evil!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[625 comes across 627 and brings him to Gantu]''
:'''625''': So just as I was talking about what a doorknob you are, this experiment fell into my lap. Sure was easy to catch him! Anyway, I just he'd be a good sidekick for you to chase experiments with, then ''both'' you knuckleheads can get creamed by the little girl and 626. Meanwhile, ''I'' can stay home and do what I do best.
:''[625 lays down on the couch until 627 blasts him with a laser beam]''
:'''625''': Nothing...
:'''Gantu''': You've got something I need: power! This could be the start of a beautiful relationship. ''[chuckles evilly]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch has been defeated by 627]''
:'''Lilo''': It was incredible! Like nothing we've seen! It was even tougher than Stitch!
:'''Stitch''': Aketaba!
:'''Jumba''': So, 626 thinks severe pounding was one-time-only fluke, eh? ''[chuckles]''
:'''Lilo''': Well, I don't. And which over experiment it is, we got to figure out how beat it.
:'''Pleakley''': I see you're searching Jumba's database of ''old'' experiments. I wonder if he has a file of more ''recent'' experiments, made as ''recently'' as, say, ''yesterday!''
:'''Jumba''': You mean like experiment made to ''poke people in eyeball?!''
:'''Stitch''': Huh?
:''[Lilo, Stitch, and Pleakley stare at Jumba suspiciously]''
:'''Jumba''': If creature you are looking for is as amazing as you say should be studied for science. ''[Pleakley points to Jumba while holding a screwdriver]'' Preserved in museum and... ''[notices Pleakley]'' Is one-eyed bigmouth trying to tell you something?
:'''Lilo''': Something about you having a screw loose.
:'''Jumba''': ''[grabs Pleakley]'' Ah, my silly friend! He is one with screw loose if he thinks I will let him tell you that I built 627! ''[stops as he realized what he just said; Lilo and Stitch gasp]'' Oh, I am very busted now!
:'''Lilo''': '''627?!''' You... made... &lt;big&gt; A '''627?!?'''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Pleakley''': Ha! Who's afraid of the finger now, big boy?! WHO'S AFRAID '''NOW?!'''
:'''Jumba''': I-I-I confess! I confess. But now you see scientific achievement! You know that 627 is even better than 626.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[625 calls Lilo after finding out 627's weakness]''
:'''Lilo''': Hello?
:'''625''': Listen, it's me: Gantu's... ex-sidekick guy.
:'''Lilo''': Sandwich boy?! Why are ''you'' calling?
:'''625''': Because I can help you beat Experiment 627.
:'''Lilo''': It's a trick, right? Why would ''you'' wanna go against Gantu?
:'''625''': Trust me. ''[627 kicks him]'' Ow! I have my reasons! That hurt!
:'''Lilo''': Uh-huh. Really... Okay, you got a deal!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after Stitch defeated 627 through laughter, he serves the next Thanksgiving dinner]''
:'''Lilo''': I'm proud of you, Stitch, for being self-cool and humble.
:'''Stitch''': Oh. 
:'''Pleakley''': And I hope Jumba has learned his lesson about making those silly evil genius experiments. We oughta to make him do the dishes!
:'''Lilo''': Yeah! Hey, where ''is'' Jumba?
:''[scene changes to Jumba in his ship, putting 627's pod back in his safe]''
:'''Jumba''': So much for Experiment 627. Perhaps I'll have better luck next time.
:''[places a pod marked 628 in his safe]''

== ''The Asteroid'' [1.20] ==
:''[Note: There are no new experiments in this episode]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo, Stitch and the hula girls are visiting the planetarium]'''
:'''All Girls''': WOW!
:'''Elena''': We're up so high, I bet we're in space already.
:'''Lilo''': This is almost as cool as the ''real'' outer space.
:'''Teresa''': Stop saying you've been to outer space, Lilo.
:'''Mertle''': Real astronauts have spacesuits. You don't got a spacesuit.
:'''Yuki, Teresa, and Elena''': ''YYEEEEEAAAAAHHH!!''
:'''Mertle''': The only place you've been is Planet Weirdo!
:'''Lilo''': But it's true! Me and Stitch-- ''[realizes Stitch is gone]'' Stitch? ''[Stitch is swinging on a planet model]'' Stitch!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch learn from eavesdropping on Cobra Bubbles that an asteroid is going to smash into Earth; Lilo sends flyers to everyone to evacuate via Jumba's ship while Stitch informs his cousins; unfortunately, none of humans believe them and don't come]''
:'''Lilo''': They're probably all just having trouble parking.
:'''Stitch''': Ih! Hamcha!
:'''Lilo''': ''[looks up in the night sky]'' I hope our new planet has this many stars, and I hope it has a beach with perfect waves, and friends, and shave ice, and fish that eat peanut butter sandwiches. ''[sighs]'' Sure would be better if we could just stay home. They're not coming, are they.
:'''Stitch''': Naga.
:'''Lilo''': Well, at least your cousins showed. How many are in there?
:'''Stitch''': ''[counts the experiments on the ship]'' Kicha!
:'''Lilo''': Only six? No one believes us.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch gets an idea to get Digger and Richter to go on the asteroid and destroy it, saving Earth]''
:'''Jumba''': Crazy idea. 
:'''Lilo''': So crazy that it might actually work, right?
:'''Jumba''': No. Just crazy.
:'''Nani''': Lilo, what's going on here?
:'''Lilo''': I told you. There's an asteroid heading towards Earth. We were going to evacuate everyone, but I think we'll go on a secret mission to destroy the asteroid instead.
:'''Nani''': Lilo, there hasn't been anything on the news about this. Anyone who'd believe you would have to be completely lolo!
:'''Surfer''': Yo, dudes! Hey, sorry I'm late. Just stopped for a pepperoni slice. ''[walks into Jumba's ship]''
:'''Lilo''': See? It's true! Ask Cobra Bubbles. He knows!
:'''Nani''': Okay! I'll call him. Nobody makes one single move until I get back! ''[leaves]''
:'''Lilo''': Let's go.
:''[Lilo, Stitch, and Jumba run into the ship]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[as Jumba's ship heads towards the asteroid, Stitch's cousins begin to cause havoc; Sparky zaps Hammerface in the rear end, Digger digs into his seat, Kixx kicks the back of Spooky's seat, and Spooky retaliates by frightening him with a scary face]''
:'''Lilo''': They seem a little restless. 
:'''Surfer''': You said there'd be peanuts!
:'''Lilo''': They need peanuts, and sodas, and swizzle sticks.
:'''Pleakley''': Uh-uh! I'm not going anywhere near those little monsters! ''You'' go!
:'''Lilo''': But I'm too little to fit into the stewardess outfit.
:''[scene changes to Pleakley in the stewardess outfit pushing a cart of consessions]''
:'''Pleakley''': Soda! Peanuts! ''[Kixx reaches his hand to grab a soda, but Pleakley slaps him]'' Don't be grabby! There's enough for everyone!
:''[Kixx, impatient, spins wildy, knocking Pleakley out, and he grabs a bag of peanuts]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo learns that the asteroid is home to a small crabby alien]''
:'''Lilo''': We can't blow up this asteroid!
:'''Jumba''': Excusing me?! But is your idea!
:'''Lilo''': This is that crabby guy's home, and he loves it. Just like we love the Earth. We can't destroy it.
:'''Jumba''': Can't destroy Earth, can't destroy asteroid... Wait... HA! I am more genius! I am having a theory. If Jumba designed hyperdrive to move ship millions of miles to Kweltiquan, it can perhaps move asteroid off course with Earth.
:'''Lilo''':  You mean, we can save Earth ''and'' the asteroid? ''[Jumba winks at her]'' Way to go, Jumba! You're hardly evil at all!
:'''Pleakley''': But... if we put the hyperdrive on the asteroid, we won't be able to cross the vast distances involved in interstellar travel. You and I might never be able to return to our home planets!
:'''Jumba''': We have home planet, with little girl, and bigger girl, on Earth.
:'''Pleakley''': Okay, you got me... you big jerk!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after the gang succeed in moving the asteroid off course by inserting the hyperdrive in it, they return home]''
:'''Cobra Bubbles''': I speak not only for myself, but for everyone on Earth when I say thank you for saving our collective posterior.
:'''Lilo''': So... Where's the plaque? The commendation from the president? The key to the Earth?
:'''Cobra Bubbles''': The government prefers to take the stance that the threat of annihilation never actually existed. But I did manage to swing this. ''[hands Lilo a document]''
:'''Lilo''': &quot;This document officially states that Lilo and Stitch are honorary agents in the Earth Defense Agency, Under 12 and Illegal Experiment division.&quot; Cool! I bet not even Elvis got one of these.

== ''Topper (Experiment 025)'' [1.21: Christmas Special] ==
:''[Lilo and Stitch sneak into the attic to find where Nani hid there Christmas presents]''
:'''Lilo''': Every year, Nani hides our Christmas presents. It's my job as a little sister to find them. It's another Hawaiian Christmas tradition. ''[Lilo opens a chest to find the presents]'' She's so predictable. This is where she hid them last year.
:'''Stitch''': ''[reaches and grabs a present from the chest]'' Oooh. Present.
:'''Lilo''': No! ''[takes the present]'' You can't open it! You never a open presents before Christmas! That's the rule. But... you can shake them to figure out what they are. ''[shakes the present]'' Maybe it's the shrunken head I keep asking for. I tried making my own, but Mertle wouldn't hold still. 
:'''Stitch''': ''[grabs the whole stack of presents]'' Abataka! 
:'''Lilo''': No! You can't have all those!
:'''Stitch''': No, no, no!
:'''Lilo''': Christmas isn't just about getting presents! ''[Stitch puts the presents back]'' It's okay to like the presents. Just don't ''act'' like you like them. That's what I do.
:''[they suddenly hear Jumba and Pleakley singing Jingle Bells off-key]''
:'''Lilo''': Sounds like something's attacking Jumba and Pleakley.
:''[she suddenly notices Stitch hiding a present in his mouth; Lilo glares at him, and he spits it out and puts it back in the chest]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[625 is putting up decorations in Gantu's ship]''
:'''625''': ''On the first day of Christmas, I just made for me.... a saaaaaaaaaandwich'' ''[Gantu gets caught in a decoration]'' Hey, flounder face! We've you been? Grab a holiday hoagie and enjoy the party!
:'''Gantu''': You can waste your time with this ridiculous Earth custom if you want, but for once, I have the upper hand. Hämsterviel's been on the rampage lately, but this should please him. ''[pulls out an experiment pod]'' I've obtained a dormant experiment pod.
:'''625''': Now just ho-ho-hold on a minute there, tuna toes! You're not just gonna transport the pod to Hämsterviel, are ya? It's Christmas! Everybody's giving each other gifts.
:'''Gantu''': Perhaps you're right. If I wrap this up in holiday paper with a bow, it might get the little gerbil off my dorsal fin.
:'''625''': Sure! Everyone likes getting presents, even megalomaniacal rodents with delusions of galactic domination.
:'''Gantu''': Hmm.... I should get this wrapped. ''[leaves to get wrapping supplies]''
:'''625''': Oh, hey, hey! If you wanna blend in out there, you better where a red suit and hat! Everyone's wearing 'em!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch has seen the experiment pod 025 being wrapped in a present and mailed into a truck; Stitch goes from door to door taking gifts to see which one of them contains the pod]''
:'''Jumba''': Open up, you greedy little genetic mistake!
:'''Lilo''': What's going on? 
:'''Jumba''': Ah, little girl. 626 has many gifts that he is keeping to himself.
:'''Lilo''': Stitch! What are we gonna do with you? You've torn up half the town, stolen presents, made little kids cry. It's like your the spirit of Christmas ruin.
:'''Jumba''': ''[pulls out his plasma gun]'' I will teach him to share brightly wrapped goodies with evil genius '''WHO CREATED HIM!!!'''
:'''Lilo''': Don't! There's something wrong with Stitch. He needs our help. I know a secret way in.
:''[Lilo and Jumba go through the secret entrance to the attic just as Stitch peaks through the main entrance; Jumba grabs Stitch and an unseen fight occurs]''
:'''Jumba''': Yeah! Got you!
:'''Lilo''': Jumba, look out!
:''[Jumba falls through the main entrance]''
:'''Lilo''': Are you okay?
:'''Jumba''': Ah, I'm okay! I landed on my patookie!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after Lilo and Jumba learns Stitch's true intention for taking the presents, Gantu comes in, disguised as Santa Clause, and tears through the house while giving no attention to Pleakley, who is trying to be a Christmas tree]''
:'''Jumba''': ''[repairing the house]'' Hey, what is wrong? Why the long branches?
:'''Pleakley''': I'm doing my best to represent a coniferous evergreen indicative of the holiday season, but no one seems to care!
:'''Jumba''': Heh. Maybe you need festive parcels.
:'''Pleakley''': What?
:'''Jumba''': Presents for to have underneath you.
:'''Pleakley''': Of course! Presents under the Christmas tree! I've been going about this backwards! Christmas isn't about the tree, it's about the presents under it! 
:'''Jumba''': 626 and little girl are stalking Gantu. They will bring presents.
:'''Pleakley''': No, no, no! I have to get my own! Otherwise, it doesn't really count! Jumba, it's time we took a little trip, to the mall!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Gantu''': ''[gets ready to stomp on Lilo]'' I should have done this a long time ago!
:'''Lilo''': Go ahead! You've already ruined Christmas for everyone!
:'''Gantu''': ''I'' ruined Christmas?! You're the one who took the present I was planning to give to Hämsterviel!
:'''Lilo''': You were going to give Hämsterviel a gift?
:'''Gantu''': Well, yes. Isn't that what your Christmas holiday is all about? Giving presents.
:'''Lilo''': Actually, you're right. 
:'''Stitch''': Ichalagu?
:'''Lilo''': It's not about getting presents. It's about giving.
:'''Little Girl''': Santa? Do ''I'' get a present?
:'''Gantu''': You?! A proto Earth form? Don't be ridiculous! Why would I-- ''[the girl gives him a sad look]'' No! That's not fair! Stop looking at me like that! Seize using your ocular orbs against sympathy! ''[sighs]'' This is an infectious holiday you have on this planet. Perhaps this is a present we could ''all'' enjoy. I can always find something else to send to Hämsterviel. ''[gives the present to the little girl]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo activates 025, now named Topper and places it on top of a Christmas tree as its one true place; not too far from Earth, some aliens notice Topper's flashing]''
:'''Alien 1''': Hey, who turned on the signal beacon?
:'''Alien 2''': Who cares? They got fruitcake down there! Come on, guys!
:''[the aliens cheer as they come towards Earth to join the festivities]''

== ''Melty (Experiment 228)'' [1.22] ==
:''[625 looks up at the containment computer]''
:'''Computer''': Experiment 228 activated. Primary function: liquefaction of enemy fortresses, weaponry, and transportation.
:'''625''': Hey, Gantu! I think there's a melting experiment loose. Bet he'd make a good grilled cheese sandwich, huh? ''[Gantu is fast asleep]'' Hey! Aw, you know, he really is kinda cute when he's beached. I just can't bear to wake him up. ''[puts a blanket over Gantu]'' You just rest.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[the clock strikes noon at the Birds of Paradise hotel; Melty knocks Lilo into a mud puddle and Stitch chases after him; Keoni notices Lilo]''
:'''Keoni''': Lemme give you a hand.
:'''Lilo''': No, I'm okay. I... I meant to do that! 'Cause... I'm practicing for a hula... about a mud monster. ''[nervously dances]''
:'''Keoni''': Okay, see you later. ''[leaves]''
:'''Lilo''': ''[to herself]'' &quot;I'm practicing for a hula about a mud monster&quot;?! What a loser!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch return home with Melty]''
:'''Lilo''': I'm gonna change my identity and move out of town. What do you think of the name Tiffany? With an I.
:'''Stitch''': Eww!
:'''Lilo''': Or I could just go back in time and take a do-over.
:'''Pleakley''': Oh, no, young lady! No time time travel until you clean your room!
:'''Lilo''': Uh, I was kidding.
:'''Pleakley''': Uh, I was afraid you were gonna drag out that old time machine Jumba was working on.
:'''Lilo''': Jumba made a time machine?
:'''Pleakley''': ''[realizes his mistake]'' Did I say time machine? ''[chuckles nervously]'' No, I meant ''rhyme'' machine. Helps you best a funky rhyme! ''[raps]'' ''My name is Pleakley, and I'm all about style! From my dresses, to my curtains, to my bathroom tile!''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch use Jumba's time-traveling surfboard to back to the time when Lilo fell in the mud to do it over; Stitch captures Melty again, but not before Melty destroys the hotel, causing Nani to lose her job]''
:'''Lilo''': We're gonna fix this, and this time, we're gonna have a plan so we can get it right. ''[gestures to a blue shoe Monopoly piece]'' This is you... ''[puts down a red car piece]'' and this is me.
:'''Stitch''': Stitch car!
:'''Lilo''': Fine. ''[swaps the car and the shoe]'' ''You'' be the car.
:'''Stitch''': ''[plays with the car]'' Vroom, vroom!
:'''Lilo''': Stitch, pay attention! We have to get it all perfect this time!
:'''Stitch''': Humph! ''[puts the car back]''
:'''Lilo''': Now, this is you, this is me... ''[puts down an orange game piece]'' and this is the experiment. If the experiment goes inside the hotel again, you don't follow it into the lobby. Instead, you go over the roof, like you did the first time, got it?
:'''Stitch''': Roof! Ih!
:'''Lilo''': Meanwhile, I'll make lady conversation with Keoni.
:'''Stitch''': Ih... huh?
:'''Lilo''': Since we're going back anyways, I figure I could do it even better this time.
:'''Stitch''': Whatever!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after many failed attempts to do it over, Lilo and Stitch decide to travel 5 minutes earlier than usual; however, they find themselves at the front of a prison camp]''
:'''Lilo''': ''[notices the time machine labeled &quot;future&quot;]'' Uh-oh. You turned the dial the wrong way. Instead of going backward, you went forward. ''Way'' forward. We better go back to 12:00.
:'''Stitch''': Uh-huh. ''[sets the time]''
:'''Future Jumba''': ''[wearing tattered clothing and eyepatches]'' Experiment 626, you're alive?!
:'''Stitch''': Eh?! ''[pull the switch and goes back in time with Lilo]''
:'''Future Jumba''': Hmm. Was that ''my'' time-surfing board?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after Lilo and Stitch finally got their method down to perfection, Stitch blows a feather off his arm, causing a coconut to fall of the stand and be hit by a golf club and hit Gantu's ship, waking Gantu]''
:'''Gantu''': What was that?!
:'''625''': Hey, Rip Van Fishhead. You had a good nap?
:'''Gantu''': Wonderful. Anything happen while I was asleep?
:'''625''': Ah, the usual: I made sandwiches, an experiment was activated. Nothing new really.
:'''Gantu''': WHAT?! ''[goes off to capture Melty]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Lilo''': Okay, so we go back one more time, and...
:'''Stitch''': ''[points to the time machine]'' Time machine!
:''[The time machine melts]''
:'''Lilo''': Okay, so we melted the time machine, our house is gone, and Gantu took the experiment. But at least Nani kept her job.
:'''Nani''': ''[offscreen]'' Lilo! I just lost my job. ''[realizes the house has melted]'' What happened to the house?!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after the time machine was destroyed by Melty, Future Jumba appears with another]''
:'''Future Jumba''': Little girl, 626, I have arrived to saving your behinds!
:'''Stitch''': Jumba?
:'''Lilo''': You brought us a new time machine!
:'''Future Jumba''': It has taken decades for to realize what happened here so long ago. From the day I showed you my time-surfer, fabric of time was broken. House was melted, our little family broken beyond compare, I lost two of my eyesights, and yech! Don't even ask what happened to Pleakley! It was not until I saw you surfing through time that I was having two and two!
:'''Lilo''': I'm sorry I ruined the future.
:'''Future Jumba''': Little girl, you can fix everything, but only one way: You must go back to beginning and relive it exactly as it originally happened.
:'''Lilo''': You mean, I'll have to humiliate myself in front of Keoni?
:'''Future Jumba''': A broken time strand can only be repaired when relived exactly. But more important, is accepting of your mistake. If you are dwelling in past, you cannot be living in present, and will lose sight of future. Now, get going before something melts this machine, too! ''[laughs]'' Go, go!
:'''Lilo''': Thanks, Jumba! ''[she and Stitch go back in time]''
:'''Future Jumba''': Good luck, little girl!
:''[Present Jumba appears]''
:'''Jumba''': What are you doing here?!
:'''Future Jumba''': I have come to give you warning: Whatever you do, do not build robot wife! Too easy for them to hack into bank account!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after Lilo and Stitch relive the moment exactly as it was the first time, they capture Melty and Lilo learns to do better tomorrow; Gantu wakes up in his ship]''
:'''625''': Hey, sleepyhead. You had a good nap?
:'''Gantu''': Wonderful. Anything happened while I was asleep?
:'''625''': Ah, the usual. I made sandwiches, etched the laser tattograph on your patookie, nothing new, really.
:'''Gantu''': ''You lasered my '''PATOOKIE?!'''''
:'''625''': ''[laughs]'' You are one deep sleeper, my friend. It's actually a wonderful likeness of, uh, ''moi.'' You wanna see?
:'''Gantu''': Wanna see '''''THIS?!''''' ''[shoots his blaster at 625]''

== ''Houdini (Experiment 604)'' [1.23] ==
:''[Stitch does a magic show that does not exactly go as planned]''
:'''Lilo''': ''[whispers to Jumba]'' You can't tell them how bad they are. It might hurt their self-esteem.
:'''Pleakley''': Aside from [[w:Sawing a woman in half|the last trick]] which does need polishing, and the rest of the tricks that need to be completely overhauled, what do you think?
:'''Jumba''': Well, it's completely...
:'''Lilo''': Amazing! Absolutely, completely amazing!
:'''Pleakley''': Good! 'Cause we have our first gig at Mertle's half birthday tomorrow!
:'''Jumba''': &quot;Half birthday&quot;?
:'''Lilo''': She's so spoiled she gets two a year.
:'''Pleakley''': And we wouldn't want to fail there! In front of all your friends. ''[Lilo is shocked and embarrassed by the comment]'' Imagine how embarrassing that'd be!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[625 returns after picking up groceries]''
:'''625''': Hey, Gantu! So, I'm at the galley, getting some from fresh cold-cuts, and guess what I find nestled in with the tomatoes! TADA! ''[holds up an experiment pod marked 611]''
:'''Gantu''': An experiment?! Give me that! ''[swipes the pod from 625 and looks up 611 from the container computer]''
:'''Computer''': Experiment 611. Primary function: ultimate super weapon.
:'''625''': Wow! I found that?! Great! So, can I take early retirement?
:''[Gantu contacts Hämsteviel, who is wearing pajamas and holding a teddy bear]''
:'''Hämsterviel''': Gantu, you know not to call during my power nap!
:'''Gantu''': My apologies, sir, but I thought you'd like to know that ''I'' recovered an ultimate super weapon experiment for you!
:'''625''': What?! 
:'''Hämsterviel''': Stop making absurd with your absurdities! You could never manage such an important capture!
:'''625''': He didn't! I--
:'''Gantu''': ''[pushes 625 down]'' I'll have it in the transporter within the hour, sir.
:'''Hämsterviel''': Excellent! Now get out there and find me another experiment! ''[turns off contact]''
:'''Computer''': Warning. Experiment 604 activated. Primary function: invisibility generator.
:'''Gantu''': That's one of the pods I lost to the little girl. If I find her, I find the experiment.
:'''625''': Hey, squid breath! Taking credit for my capture is ''bad'' karma! As in... '''YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS!!!'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo uses 604, now named [[w:Harry Houdini|Houdini]], to help Stitch with his magic act; Mertle sees Houdini and takes his picture, flash-blinding him and accidentally making Stitch and all of Mertle's party favors and houseinvisible]''
:'''Aunt Stacy''': ''[dials on her phone]'' Barry? Stacy. I am standing here looking at the star of your next prime time special! Send me a camera crew.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu stalks an invisible who Houdini with heat vision goggles]''
:'''Gantu''': You're invisibility won't help you this time, runt. These goggles see heat! ''[his cell phone rings, causing Houdini to run away]'' 625, what do you want?!
:'''625''': Have you told Hämsterviel that I caught the super weapon yet?!
:'''Gantu''': Don't ever call me while I'm working!
:'''625''': ''BAD KARMA!!!''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo realizes that she accidentally grabbed an invisible Houdini while Gantu ran off with an invisible Stitch]''
:'''Pleakley''': Lookie here. I promised Mertle's Aunt Stacy the Stupendous Stitch would make a lighthouse disappear! And by golly, she's going to get the Stupendous Stitch MAKING A LIGHTHOUSE DISAPPEAR!
:''[Houdini, frightened by Pleakley disappears and runs off]''
:'''Lilo''': You spooked him! Houdini, wait! Great. No Stitch, no Houdini, and national TV waiting! Could it get any worse?!
:'''Jumba''': And don't forget, not-so-friendly friend Mertle is waiting to ridicule you. ''[laughs]''
:'''Lilo''': Right. Thanks for reminding me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu runs off with what appears to be an invisible Houdini]''
:'''Lilo''': Stitch! I can't believe you just gave him... ''[Houdini turns visible again]'' Houdini?! You gave him the empty container. That's quite a magic trick, Mr. Stupendous.
:'''Stitch''': Thank you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Gantu''': What do you mean the container is empty?!
:'''Hämsterviel''': '''''EMPTY!!!!''''' Like your head, you worthless lackey!
:'''Gantu''': May, I remind that I captured Experiment 611, the ultimate super weapon?!
:'''Hämsterviel''': You were looking at it '''''UPSIDE DOWN!!!''''' You sent me Experiment 119, a sticky chocolate experiment designed to smother with it's gooey sweetness! ''[119 (AKA Fudgy) covers Hamsterviel with chocolate]'' Help! Help! Gantu! You will pay for this!
:'''Gantu''': ''[to 625; threateningly]'' If you say one word--
:'''625''': Karma! Karma, karma, karma! ''[Gantu hits him]'' OWWW!!!

== ''Sinker (Experiment 602)'' [1.24] ==
:''[Keoni is waxing a sailboat as Lilo and Stitch arrive]''
:'''Lilo''': Hey, Keoni!
:'''Keoni''': Hey, Lilo. Thanks for coming out. You bring the stopwatch?
:'''Lilo''': Yep. You think you're gonna qualify for the boat race?
:'''Keoni''': Trying to. If I don't practice I don't have a chance. First prize is a new outrigger. I'll signal you when I'm past the break.
:'''Lilo''': ''[to Stitch]'' And if I help him win, I bet there'll be a free boat ride included for me. ''[pulls out a peanut butter sandwich from her bag]'' You set up the chairs, I'm gonna go feed Pudge. I'll be right back.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu arrives at the Rental Hut, disguised as a tourist]''
:'''Gantu''': Hello. My name is Mr. John Bob Jonesmith. I'm a normal Earth tourist, and I would like to rent a boat.
:'''Nani''': You're not fooling anyone, ''Gantu''.
:'''625''': Told ya, flounder face. Blubber's still blubber, no matter how you dress it up. Ice cream sandwich?
:'''Gantu''': Quiet, you! ''[to Nani]'' I require the use of a watercraft ''now''!
:'''Nani''': ''[smug]'' Fine. You wanna rent stuff? I'll rent you stuff!
:''[scene cuts to Gantu overly dressed in aquatic gear]''
:'''625''': Whoa! Captain Clam, what happened? Did the bait shop explode?
:'''Gantu''': She said I needed all this. Now, let's go! We've got an experiment to catch! ''[trips on his small flippers and crushes his boat]'' I think I crushed my dinghy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Jumba converts the buggy to a boat so Lilo and Stitch can capture 602' Jumba watches them via binoculars]''
:'''Pleakley''': See anything? How're they doing?
:'''Jumba''': Little girl and 626 are in position, but the waves keep rocking the boat, making it difficult to get a clear view. Back and forth... Up and down... ''[Pleakley's face turns green at the thought of the boat rocking]'' Back and forth... Up and down...
:'''Pleakley''': I think I'm gonna heave-ho! ''[topples over]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after the buggy was destroyed by Sinker, Lilo, Stitch, Jumba, and Pleakley hitch a ride on a cruse ship; Lilo plans to warn the captain about Sinker, but Stitch destroys the banquet hall]''
:'''Tiffany''': Well, it looks like someone's been a naughty-waughty dog, haven't they?
:'''Lilo''': Busted. 
:'''Tiffany''': I'm Tiffany, the cruise director. Are you just the cutest little girly-wirly? Woo, I could just eat you up!
:'''Lilo''': Please stop talking like that.
:'''Tiffany''': It's not a good idea for a cute little giddle-bumpkin like you to be wandering around unsupervised.
:'''Lilo''': We're on our way to see the captain.
:'''Tiffany''': ''[laughs]'' That is so cute! You wanna see the captain. Follow me.
:''[scene changes to Lilo and Stitch being stuck in the ships' kindergarten]''
:'''Lilo''': I knew she was too perky to be trusted!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch has successfully captured Sinker; Gantu and 625 are trapped on a desert island]''
:'''625''': Well, look at the bright side, Mr. Blubber. Even ''you'' can't sink this. ''[carves a pile of sand to like a sandwich]'' ''Sand''-wich?
:''[Gantu angrily grabs 625, adding weight on his side of the island and tipping it over]''

== ''Nosy (Experiment 199)'' [1.25] ==
:''[Note: [[w:Bobcat Goldthwait|Bobcat Goldthwait]] (the voice of Pain from [[w:Hercules (1997 film)|Hercules]]) makes a surprise role as the voice of Nosy]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo, Stitch and Pleakley are having a [[w:poi|poi]] balloon fight in the house; Pleakley throws a balloon close to Nani as she arrives]''
:'''Nani''': Who threw that?!
:''[Lilo and Stitch point to Pleakley]''
:'''Pleakley''': I was just gardening! They lured me into their evil poi balloon battle!
:'''Nani''': Look at this kitchen! Mr. Jameson's gonna think I'm a total slob!
:'''Lilo''': Mr. Jameson? As in father of Keoni Jameson?
:'''Nani''': As in the son of my potential new boss! They're both coming to brunch tomorrow!
:'''Lilo''': Keoni's coming here?! You gotta clean up this mess, Nani. ''[Nani glares at her angrily]'' Well, Stitch and I are going to the movies. Gotta hurry to catch that first show!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch pins down Nosy after he spoils the movie for him and Lilo]''
:'''Nosy''': Hey, ow! What gives, blue guy?!
:'''Lilo''': Stitch, leave that kid alone!
:'''Stitch''': Naga kid! ''[pulls out Nosy's disguise]'' Cousin!
:'''Lilo''': Good eye.
:'''Nosy''': Yo, easy, Fido! I'm an alien experiment, not a dog toy.
:'''Lilo''': We know, and we're gonna help you find the one place where you truly belong.
:'''Nosy''': What are you, a greetin' card?
:''[Lilo unzips her bag]''
:'''Nosy''': Hey, what's in that bag of yours? ''[grabs the bag and looks through it]''
:'''Lilo''': Hey! 
:'''Nosy''': ''[pulls out Lilo's diary]'' Oooh, a diary!
:'''Stitch''': Agaba! ''[snatches the diary and gives it back to Lilo]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Jumba''': Ah! 199! One of my favorites.
:'''Lilo''': Says here he... &quot;digs up dirt&quot;?
:'''Jumba''': Not to be taken literally. 199 is like spy, designed to get nose into everybody's business.
:'''Nosy''': ''[walks in holding a book]'' Look what I found!
:'''Lilo''': My secret catalog of local vampires. I've been looking for that everywhere.
:'''Nosy''': Found it under 626's pillow!
:''[Lilo glares at Stitch, who then glares at Nosy]''
:'''Jumba''': ''[chuckles]'' You see? 199 is very nosy.
:'''Lilo''': Nosy, huh? Then why'd you make him?
:'''Jumba''': Why else? To humiliate enemies by digging up most embarrassing secrets. 199 is quite entertaining with so much juicy gossip, no?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Pleakley is forcing Lilo, Stitch, and Jumba to learn better etiquette for the Jamesons]''
:'''Pleakley''': ''[he blow the whistle]'' Roll-call, everybody dressed?
:'''Jumba''': Cannot breathing into tight disco pants, oh! Must drop anything.
:'''Stitch''': Ta-da. ''[he walks downstairs but he step his tie and he trips, rolling on downstairs to Lilo]'' Ta-da.
:'''Pleakley''': Hmmm... Actually, I was more comfortable with a dog disguise.
:'''Stitch''': Oh...
:'''Nani''': Pleakley, I got more eggs for the... AUGH! Pleakley! They're gonna be here in less than an hour! You're supposed to be cooking!
:'''Pleakley''': Don't worry your little head, Nani. The traditional [[w:yule log|yule log]] is roasting as we speak.
:'''Nani''': Yule log? But it's summer!
:'''Pleakley''': Well, Helen the hostess featured one on her show just yesterday. I think she knows what she's doing.
:'''Nani''': That was a '''rerun!''' Yule logs are for December, and they're not food! ''[doorbell rings]'' Whoever it is, tell them to...
:'''Mr. Jameson''': Aloha. We thought we'd arrive early to help, that's what Aloha hospitality is all about.
:'''Nani''': ''[chuckles]'' Right. Come on in.
:'''Pleakley''': You know, Helen the hostess says, it's rude to arrive before...''[Nani elbows him]''
:'''Nani''': Um...Mr. Jameson, this is my Aunt Pleakley, my Uncle Jumba, my sister Lilo and our...dog. Who dresses up sometimes.
:'''Jumba''': So nice for to be making your acquaintance seeing, Mr. Emerson.
:'''Pleakley''': It's Jameson, dear. ''[chuckles]'' He's not good with names. Sometimes forgets mine. ''[chuckles]'' 
:'''Lilo''': Hey, Keoni.
:'''Keoni''': Sup, Lilo.
:'''Nosy''': Guess what I found out? Jumba, Pleakley, and Stitch, they're all aliens! But, hey! Who am I'm a judge? I'm an alien, too!
:''[Nani gasped]''
:'''Mr. Jameson''': I beg your pardon?
:'''Nosy''': Hey, you're Keoni! Lilo keeps a bunch of pictures of you in her diary. ''[as Stitch drags him and walks off]'' Boy, does she have a crush on you.
:'''Lilo''': Oh, no.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch gives Nosy to Gantu to keep him out of the way during Mr. Jameson's visit]''
:'''Nosy''': Hello, shorty! Hey, you're Gantu, the big dummy Lilo drew all those pictures of.
:'''Gantu''': Well, yes. I mean, no! I mean-- Who are you?! 
:'''Nosy''': Experiment 199, at your service!
:'''Gantu''': 199?! I've been searching for you since your activation!
:'''625''': Who is this guy? The big-nose experiment?
:'''Gantu''': It's the snooping experiment! The foolish Earth girl and the trog gave it to me!
:'''Nosy''': You mean Lilo and Stitch? Boy, do I got some dirt on them!
:'''Gantu''': Really? Tel me everything you know about their experiment files.
:'''Nosy''': Who cares about the experiments? You should hear about the love letters I found in Jumba's drawer!
:'''625''': Ooh, I'm all ears!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu, annoyed by Nosy's talking, sends him to Hämsterviel]''
:'''Hämsterviel''': Tell me, you unattractive talking experiment with such a gigantic nose, what do Gantu and 625 say about me?
:'''Nosy''': Not much. They mostly just sit around making up names for you. Rat-face...
:'''Hämsterviel''': What?!
:'''Nosy''': Hämsterjerk...
:'''Hämsterviel''': What?!
:'''Nosy''': Geisterviel!
:'''Hämsterviel''': WHAT?!
:'''Nosy''': If you want, I should repeat them?
:'''Hämsterviel''': NO!! I reject you and your huge nose! I'm sending you back to Gantu with some unflattering nicknaming of my own! ''[teleports Nosy back to Gantu's ship]''
:'''625''': ''[notices Nosy]'' Hey! ''[throws his magazine at Gantu]''
:'''Gantu''': HEY!!
:'''625''': The town gossip's back!
:'''Gantu''': You again?!
:'''Nosy''': Snagged rat-face's journal! It's gold!
:'''Gantu''': Really?
:'''Nosy''': Did you know Hämsterviel sleeps with a pacifier? He also wears platform shoes to make him look threatening. ''[Gantu takes the journal]'' And his dental habits, don't get me started!
:'''Gantu''': ''[whispers to 625]'' Get rid of him.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''625''': Gantu wears what?!
:'''Nosy''': He wears bunny slippers. I saw him waking around in them.
:'''625''': Get out!
:'''Gantu''': Keep it down out there!
:'''Nosy''': Wanna hear about Gantu's obsession with karaoke?
:'''625''': Pray tell!

== ''Finder (Experiment 158)'' [1.26] ==
:''[Note: This episode misnumbers Finder as 458]

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch find Experiment 158]''
:'''Lilo''': He sure is a cute little fella.
:'''Stitch''': Humph!
:'''Lilo''': But not as cute as you, Stitch. Now, we just have to figure out what he can do.
:'''Nani''': ''[dashes in]'' Has anyone seen my keys?! I am so late! My boss is gonna fire me so hard. ''[opens Stitch's mouth]'' Did you eat them?!
:'''Stitch''': Oh, no.
:''[158 dashes into the kitchen and sniffs around a bit, and then honks and points at the fridge]''
:'''Nani''': Oh, I don't have time for this! Lilo! Your experiment's hungry!
:'''Stitch''': ''[opens the fridge and grabs Nani's keys]'' Egata! Haka!
:'''Nani''': My keys! ''[realizes]'' What were they doing in the fridge?
:'''Lilo''': Wow! He must be able to find things. I'm gonna name you Finder. I bet Finder's even better and finding stuff than you, Stitch.
:''[Stitch growls angrily and then dashes into the living room and rips up the couch, pulling out some items and showing them to Lilo]''
:'''Lilo''': Paper clip, nail file, 14 cents, and a... ''[pulls out a piece of paper]'' Jury duty summons.
:'''Nani''': ''[snatches the paper]'' That's mine.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch is playing a poker game with Ritcher, Cannonball, Yin, and Yang, and Yang ends up winning with four aces, claiming a stack of cookies, as Lilo and Finder return home]''
:'''Lilo''': We really got Mertle good, didn't we? 
:'''Nani''': ''[getting herself ready for a date while putting on some earrings]'' Who got Mertle good? 
:'''Lilo''': Finder and me. Finder was a better show and tell than her boring old doll. 
:'''Stitch''': ''[sulks in disappointment]'' Oh. 
:'''Nani''': Gloating isn't nice, Lilo. 
:'''Lilo''': ''[confused]'' What's gloating? 
:'''Nani''': Gloating is when you're happy about being better than someone else, but in a mean way. 
:'''Lilo''': But Mertle does that all the time. 
:'''Nani''': You wanna be like Mertle? 
:'''Lilo''': No.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after Jumba and Pleakley receive a message from the Grand Councilwoman that Hämsterviel escaped prison]''
:'''Pleakley''': I can't believe it. The Grand Councilwoman of the Galactic Federation never calls us unless.. ''[grabs Jumba by his shirt]'' INTERGALACTIC ANNIHILATION IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER!!! '''WHAT DO WE DO?!?'''
:'''Jumba''': First step is to be gaining composure and LETTING GO OF ME!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Hämsterviel, trying to escape from Finder, bumps into Mertle outside the pet shop]''
:'''Mertle''': A talking gerbil!
:'''Hämsterviel''': I AM NOT A GERBIL!! And what are you staring at, you multiple-eyed biped? Have you never before seen a criminal genius? ''[Mertle picks him up and puts him in her backpack]'' Unhand me, or I will have you and all members of your family ruined in-physically!
:'''Mertle''': Wait'll I take ''him'' to show-and-tell.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu is forced by 625 to make sandwiches for him]''
:'''625''': No, no, no. You're slicing them too thick! You have to be able to fit'em in your mouth. Well, ''my'' mouth, which is much smaller than your grotesque maw. Now, lay some mustard on me, baby!
:'''Computer''': Incoming communication from...
:'''Grand Councilwoman''': Grand Councilwoman of the Galactic Federation.
:''[Gantu pushes 625 and the sandwich ingredients aside]''
:'''Grand Councilwoman''': Gantu, I have an offer for you. If you're successful, it could mean reinstatement of your captain's rank.
:'''Gantu''': I'll do anything!
:'''Grand Councilwoman''': But you haven't heard what it is yet!
:'''Gantu''': I don't care! ''Lay some mustard on me, baby!'' I mean, ma'am. Terribly sorry. Please, go ahead.
:'''Grand Councilwoman''': It's about the escape Dr. Hämsterviel. I know you are... associated with him. But if you capture him and turn him over to us, all will be forgiven.
:''[Gantu chuckles evilly]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch is in the animal shelter after failing to catch Hämsterviel at Mertle's house]''
:'''Lilo''': Stitch? Stitch, what were you doing at Mertle's?
:'''Stitch''': Oh... Hämsterviel.
:'''Lilo''': You were trying to find Hämsterviel without us? But why? ''[Stitch sees Finder and growls at him]'' Oh. 'Cause you wanted to find him before Finder did. ''[guilty]'' I guess I kinda made you feel inferior, huh? Stitch, you're number one at so many things. You shouldn't be upset if you aren't number one at everything. 
:'''Stitch''': ''[sighs]'' Okay, okay.
:'''Lilo''': Besides, Finder made a mistake. Hämsterviel's not at Mertle's.
:''[Stitch chuckles, knowing otherwise]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Mertle is talking to Hämsterviel]''
:'''Mertle''': And I'm sorta the leader of these girls. But sometimes, I think they don't even like me.
:'''Hämsterviel''': Ah! That is your first mistake! It doesn't matter if your minions like you. They only need to ''fear'' you!
:'''Mertle''': Huh. I never thought about that way. ''[hears a ship landing outside]'' Now what? 
:'''Gantu''': Dr. Hämsterviel, I am here to apprehend you on orders of the Galactic Federation!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu kidnaps Hämsterviel and Mertle and taking them to the Grand Councilwoman]''
:'''Mertle''': This looks familiar.
:'''Hämsterviel''': I cannot believe this aquatic excuse for a captain! He has turned on me!
:'''Mertle''': It's like you said: Where's the loyalty?
:'''Hämsterviel''': Gantu is a disgrace! You, a mere child of a primate peoples, could do his job a hundred... no, a ''thousand'' times better!
:'''Mertle''': I could?
:'''Hämsterviel''': Believe me, you could! Perhaps, when you have completed your education, you could come work for me!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch pulls on a panel in Gantu's ship, causing it to crash land]''
:'''Gantu''': Now I won't be able to deliver Hämsterviel to the Councilwoman!
:'''Grand Councilwoman''': No need to worry about that. I came to you. Guards? ''[her guards go into Gantu's ship to take Hämsterviel]''
:'''Gantu''': I fulfilled my part of the bargain. I caught Hämsterviel! Where is my reward?
:'''Grand Councilwoman''': I suppose you do...
:'''Lilo''': Where's Mertle?!
:'''Grand Councilwoman''': What is a... Mertle?
:'''Lilo''': She's a little girl, like me. Gantu grabbed her when he took Hämsterviel!
:'''Grand Councilwoman''': ''[to Gantu]'' Is this true?
:'''Gantu''': Oh, uh, I'm not sure. I haven't really looked. I suppose it's possible.
:'''Grand Councilwoman''': So, you put an innocent girl in danger. ''[sighs]'' You always did have a problem with ethics. My offer is therefore rescinded.
:''[the Grand Councilwoman's guards carry Hämsterviel to her ship]''
:'''Hämsterviel''': Let me go, you wretched olive-shaped woman with backwards legs! 
:'''Grand Councilwoman''': ''[to Lilo]'' The Galactic Federation thanks you for your help. 
:'''Lilo''': Yeah. I only wish I knew what happened to... ''[hears a whirring sound]'' Stitch!
:''[Stitch holds onto to a hovering Finder and lands on the ground; Lilo runs up to Stich and they hug]''
:'''Grand Councilwoman''': Experiment 626, if anyone deserves a reward for finding Dr. Hämsterviel, it is you.
:'''Stitch''': ''[guilty]'' Hmm... Finder did it.
:''[Finder honks happily]''
:'''Grand Councilwoman''': Yes, Experiment 458 managed to ''track'' Dr. Hämsterviel, but without your courage and daring, he would not have been apprehended. But it's good of you to share the credit.

== ''Slushy (Experiment 523)'' [1.27] ==
:''[Gantu is trying to fix the ship's air conditioner during a heat wave]''
:'''Gantu''': Stupid broken air conditioner! ''[the air conditioner explodes]'' Blitznak! I hate this heat!
:'''625''': Aww, poor little guppy. Say, would I nice warm cup of tea help? Maybe some pipin' hot tomato soup. I can make you a cheeseburger.
:'''Computer''': Warning. Experiment 523 activated.
:'''Gantu''': Oh, a freeze inducer! Perfect! I'll turn this sweltering mud ball into something livable. 
:'''625''': ''[grilling burgers]'' Hey, Gantu. You want yours medium or well done?
:'''Gantu''': Knock it off!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[523 freezes Kauai via helicopter; Jumba works on Splodyhead/Experiment 619, who Jumba misnumbers as &quot;515&quot;]''
:'''Jumba''': Five Fifteen, your thermostat is adjusted. Hot wave should no longer overheat you.
:'''Splodyhead''': Ih! ''[crawls away]''
:'''Jumba''': ''[chuckles]'' Don't mention it!
:'''Pleakley''': Splodyhead! Beware, beware! Jumba, we're being invaded. Millions of little white aliens are landing outside as we speak!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch goes to Waialeale Peak to find Slushy]''
:'''Lilo''': The little troublemaker is gonna freeze the whole island if we don't get him. It's icy, so be careful not to... ''[slides down the slope, alerting Slushy]'' ...slip.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch captures Slushy and brings him back to the house, which has just thawed out]''
:'''Pleakley''': Finally! The sun is back, and so are you! You must've caught the little snow monster.
:'''Lilo''': His name is Slushy.
:'''Pleakley''': Oh, thank the kings of Groovplok 5! No more of that freezing cold snow! It's awful! Just awful!
:'''Jumba''': Eh, actually it's not awful enough. Only makes everything cold and wet. No, not very evil at all.
:'''Lilo''': But it makes snow, and that's good. You can slide on it, throw it at each other, even make snow zombies out of it. So... wanna try it with me?
:'''Stitch, Jumba and Pleakley''': No!
:'''Lilo''': Well, fine! Go inside! I am gonna play in the snow! ''[lets Slushy out of his container]'' Alright, Slushy. Do your stuff! But only for my house!
:''[Slushy uses his ice breath to make it snow all over Lilo's house]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu captures Slushy and makes him freeze Kauai over]'' 
:'''Lilo''': Good thing you like snow now, huh, Stitch?
:'''Jumba''': Indeed! Experiment 523 works better than ever dreamed! If ice spewing continues, entire island would be transformed from tropical paradise to frozen tundra forever! Is very evil after all! ''[laughs maniacally but then stops to see Lilo and Stitch glaring at him]'' Oh, right. Not big fans of evil. Sorry!

== ''Dupe (Experiment 344)'' [1.28] ==
:''[Gantu storms back into his ship after losing another experiment to Lilo and Stitch]''
:'''Gantu''': I don't want any of your lip!
:'''625''': I didn't say any--
:'''Gantu''': ''[smacks 625's sandwich out of his hand]'' I told you to zip it, you sandwich-making freak!
:'''625''': Oh, look what you did to my tuna on rye!
:'''Gantu''': ''[suddenly guilty]'' I'm sorry. I didn't mean it.
:'''625''': Hey, hey, hey. You obviously had a bad day. You wanna talk about it?
:'''Gantu''': Well.... alright. It's that trog! Always besting me! I just can't take it anymore! Uh, you're not offended when I call him a trog, are you? Because, after all, ''you're'' a trog.
:'''625''': Please! Don't you worry about me. This is about you. Why don't you tell me a little about your childhood?
:'''Gantu''': I haven't thought about that in a while. Well, my father was very authoritarian, so I didn't have many friends. No friends, actually.
:'''625''': Yeah, go on...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch take Dupe to their house]''
:'''Jumba''': Hmm, here is experiment I have not been seeing in a long time.
:'''Lilo''': What does it do?
:'''Jumba''': Experiment 344 is duplicator. It can make multiple copies of anyone or anything. Designed to make infinite number of weapons. ''[Stitch looks at Dupe's antenna while having a lollipop]'' Careful of the antenna, 626. You might duplicate yourself.
:'''Stitch''': Oh, yeah! ''[uses Dupe's antenna to clone a lollipop for Lilo and then makes him clone an entire stack of cakes so he could chow down]''
:'''Lilo''': Cool! All the lollipops you can eat! ''[tastes her lollipop]'' Mmm, good... but there's something different. Is this low-cal?
:'''Jumba''': Yes. Experiment 344 was failure. Duplicates were not as powerful as original.
:''[Stitch finishes off the stack of cakes]''
:'''Lilo''': Better watch out, Stitch, or you'll lose your girlish figure.
:'''Jumba''': Eh, actually, no. Duplicates have less than original of everything, including fat and calories.
:'''Pleakley''': ''[barges in dressed as a park ranger]'' Hold everything! As official adult guardian of your slumber party tonight, I don't want that thing wreaking havoc! Nani put me in charge while she's gone, and I'm not letting her down! I got everything planned: pillow fight at 6:00, toenail painting at 7:00, aromatherapy facial's at 8 bells, gossiping about boys will be sprinkled about as spontaneous intervals.
:'''Lilo''': What about light as a feather, stiff as a board?
:'''Pleakley''': Hmm, inducing levitation. Shouldn't take longer than a half hour. I'll pencil ya in at 6:30.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu is continuing telling his childhood story to 625]''
:'''Gantu''': Then, when I was 12, I was excluded from peer group's parties. 
:'''625''': Let me stop your there. I understand your problem.
:'''Gantu''': You do?
:'''625''': It's obvious: your life is a boring failure! I wouldn't wanna be you, either! All you do is whine &quot;It's all the trog's fault!&quot;
:'''Gantu''': You said you wanted to hear it!
:'''625''': I didn't it would be so tedious!
:'''Gantu''': Daddy always said to trust no one. Why haven't I learned?!
:'''625''': Don't you feel better now?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[at Lilo and Stitch's slumber party, Yin, Yang, Richter, and Cannonball are having a big pillow fight]''
:'''Pleakley''': We're done with the pillow fight phase and have moved on to the facial phase! Come on, people! Stick to the schedule!
:''[the experiments stare at each other and then start hitting Pleakley with their pillows]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo accidentally clones Stitch with Dupe after wanting more friends; she takes the clones to her hula class]''
:'''Lilo''': Hey, guys. I missed you at my slumber party.
:'''Mertle''': We have a scheduling conflict.
:'''Lilo''': That's okay. Let me introduce you to my new friends. ''[the three Stitches clean their noses with their tongues]''
:'''Mertle''': There goes hula class.
:'''Lilo''': By the way, I'm having another slumber party tonight, with a levitation.
:'''Mertle''': Oh, really?
:'''Lilo''': Yep. Only this time, you're not invited. Right, guys?
:'''All three Stitches''': ''YYYEEEEAAAAAHHHH!!''
:'''Lilo''': It's good to have a posse.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[with the help of Heat, Thresher, Plasmoid, and Hammerface, Gantu has succeeded in capturing all four Stitches; he rings a bell for 625, nothing happens]''
:'''Gantu''': Ahem! I rang the bell!
:'''625''': You can forget it! I'm not coming out!
:'''Gantu''': Fine! Plasmoid?
:''[Plasmoid readies a shot from his tail]''
:'''625''': Alright, alright! ''[comes out dressed as a butler]'' Happy now?
:'''Gantu''': I want you to make a victory feast for my brave warriors.
:'''625''': 'Kay. Victory feast. With or without crust?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo tricks Gantu into using Dupe to clone a hundred of Heat, Thresher, Plasmoid, and Hammerface, making them too weak against the Pleakley clones while she merges all 4 Stitches back into the original]''
:'''Gantu''': I don't understand. My army, they're so weak! You tricked me!
:'''Lilo''': Yep. It's a side effect. United you stand, but divided you're a whole mess of weaklings.

== ''Shortstuff (Experiment 297)'' [1.29] ==
:''[Lilo and Stitch go to the carnival; Gantu and 625 are also at the carnival; Gantu is failing at the ring toss game]''
:'''Gantu''': Stupid ring toss game! Must be rigged to prevent my winningǃ
:'''625''': I didn't have a problem. ''[holding up his stuffed elephant]'' And I finally have something interesting to talk to. Ain't that right, Mr. Puffles? ''[hugs the elephant]''
:'''Gantu''': ''[throws and misses a bottle again]'' Oh, poo! Why did we come to this primitive Earth recreation area anyway?
:'''625''': Hey, to see that! ''[runs towards the World's Largest Sandwich display]'' A sandwich to end all sandwiches! The world record-holder in loaf size, meat density, and mayo per square inch! Oh, I gotta taste!
:'''Gantu''': ''[grabs 625]'' Stop it! We're trying to ''blend in'' on this planet!
:'''625''': Just one bite! ONE BITE!
:'''Gantu''': Even your big mouth couldn't bite that monstrosity!
:'''625''': I'm willing to die trying!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Gantu''': Experiment 297: Designed to sabotage mechanical and electrical devices.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch are trying to find a device in order to make Stitch bigger so he could be tall enough to go on the rides; Pleakley comes in after baking a pineapple shortcake]''
:'''Pleakley''': What are you two doing?
:'''Lilo''': Stitch wants Jumba's help.
:'''Pleakley''': He's off-planet, doing his community service. He's a convicted evil genius, you know! But maybe I can help.
:'''Lilo''': See... Stitch is looking for evil genius help, not Pleakley help.
:'''Pleakley''': Hey! I can do more than cook and clean, you know! I was trained in Galactic Alliance Community College! I would make a perfectly acceptable substitute evil genius.
:'''Lilo''': Well... okay. Stitch thinks he needs to be bigger. I think he's wrong, but...
:'''Pleakley''': Hmm... A little conundrum of molecular resizefication, eh?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[while Lilo and Pleakley try to shrink Stitch back to normal size, Shortstuff comes in and sabotages the size ray, making him grow to a humongous size and terrorize Kokaua Town]''
:'''Lilo''': Okay, we gotta get everyone back to normal size.
:'''Pleakley''': But we can't possibly shrink 297 now! We need an extension cord of impossible length! Oh, how will we stop that monstrosity?! How, I ask?!
:'''Stitch''': ''[holds out the size ray]'' Meega bigger! 
:'''Pleakley''': Hmm.... fight bigger with bigger, eh? So, instead of one giant monster, we'll have two. ''[Stitch nods in agreement]'' It's so crazy, it just might work! ''[aims the ray at Stitch to make him bigger.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch and Shortstuff, now gigantic size, get ready to fight each other]''
:'''Lilo''': These [[w:King Kong vs. Godzilla|big monster battles]] never turn out well.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Jumba returns and shrinks Stitch to his normal size to fight Shortstuff]''
:'''Pleakley''': I know I could use some practice, but if you need a substitute evil genius again, I...
:'''Jumba''': Oh, no! You are like 626, best made for one true purpose.
:'''Pleakley''': You mean being a high-ranking official in the Galactic Alliance?
:'''Jumba''': No, I mean disguising self like ugly Earth female! ''[laughs]'' &quot;Official!&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Yuki''': Hey, look. Lilo's back with her little tiny friend.
:'''Lilo''': He's not tiny. He's just right.
:'''Stitch''': Perfecto!
:'''Mertle''': That's so sweet! Now get to the back of the line! We're gonna on the ride before you!
:'''Ride Operator''': OK, next! ''[sees Lilo and Stitch]'' Oh, hey, little miss! Come on in. You know you brought me the most popular ride in the carnival.
:''[Mertle is shocked that Lilo and Stitch go on the ride, which is really Shortstuff]''

== ''Angel (Experiment 624)'' [1.30] ==
:''[Lilo and Stitch find Pleakley watching TV]''
:'''Lilo''': What are you watching?
:'''Pleakley''': ''America's Gushiest Home Love Stories''. Love-crazed Earthlings send in homemade video documentation of their absurd courtship rituals. It's absolutely fascinating!
:'''Stitch''': Blah! Love icky!
:'''Lilo''': Ah, come on, Stitch. You gotta believe in love.
:'''Pleakley''': Lilo's right. Just you wait. Someday, you'll find another little monster who shares your likes and dislikes. Who finds your little quirks just oh-so adorable.
:'''Stitch''': Ah, kachaka!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch finds Angel, but is love-struck by her beauty]''
:'''Lilo''': Stitch, what's the matter?! She's a nasty one! Grab her before she eats us!
:'''Stitch''': Naga. Tee bokany ba boojiboo! ''[Angel lovingly licks him]''
:'''Lilo''': She's no boochiboo! She's one of Jumba's evil experiments!
:'''Stitch''': Naga! Tee bokany ba boojiboo!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Angel sneaks back into Gantu's ship]''
:'''625''': Hello, hotcakes! I thought you went the whole &quot;captured-by-the-little-girl-and-turned-good&quot; route.
:'''Gantu''': Ha! Shows how much ''you'' know! She's right on schedule.
:'''625''': &quot;On schedule&quot;? You mean, you actually ''planned'' all this? The whole chase? Losing the experiment? You slipping on the coconuts and falling on your keister? All of it?!
:'''Gantu''': Well, the keister part was... improvised. All is going according to plan. The trog's household is infiltrated and Jumba's database compromised. Contact with the other repurposed experiments begins... tomorrow!
:''[Angel smiles evilly]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo learns that Angel's song turns experiment evil and hearing it in reverse reverts them back to good; Angel feels guilty for Stitch about to beaten by the experiments turned evil, so she sings her song backwards to revert them back to good and helps them escape]''
:'''Lilo''': Stitch! What happened to Angel? Bet you had to use your super strength to do her in!
:'''Stitch''': Naga. Angel save Stitch. ''[Angel comes out]''
:'''Lilo''': No kidding? 
:'''Stitch''': Gotta believe in love!

== ''Felix (Experiment 010, also called &quot;Oscar&quot;)'' [1.31] ==
:'''Hämsterviel''': Gantu! I'm sending Experiment 010 back to you! He's driving me bananas!
:'''Gantu''': No! Please! I--
:'''Hämsterviel''': And no fishy-lip whining or complaining or making with the &quot;Please, don't send it back!&quot;
:'''Gantu''': But-- Very well. 
:'''625''': You do have fishy lips, you know.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch capture 010 after it cleans up the beach]''
:'''Jumba''': Little girl and 626, meet Experiment 010.
:'''Lilo''': I'm naming him Felix... because on TV, all neat freaks are named Felix.
:'''Stitch''': Aloha, neat freak. ''[hugs Felix]''
:'''Lilo''': You should've seen him cleaning up that beach. He was all &quot;voop, voop, voop!&quot; and &quot;poop, poop, poop!&quot; with his nose!
:'''Jumba''': Nose?! Ha! Is not just rodementary O-factoring device. He is sophisticated biosystem of tiny brushes and hormonal detergents. 010 has threefold duty: 1. Automatically tidy up all messes. 2. Digest process all garbage and trash. And 3. Antisceptisize against all unhealthy germs and sources of filth.
:'''Lilo''': So he's hung up on dirt, just like Nani and Pleakley.
:'''Pleakley''': I heard that! You're talking about me! ''[sees Felix]'' AAAHHHH!! Mele kiliiki maaka! Another monster in the house?! No, no, no! I forbid it!
:'''Lilo''': But Felix is just like you. You two would probably get along great.
:'''Pleakley''': Are you kidding? It's nothing but a walking sack of Jumba's evil geniusness. It's dangerous!
:'''Lilo''': Jumba, he's not dangerous, is he?
:'''Jumba''': If I am remembering correctly, 010 cannot tell difference between dirt for cleaning up and unbathed evil genius for leaving alone. But I'm quite certain a fixed that ''looooong'' ago. Yes, now little 010 is so gentle, would not hurt even tiniest Earth fly.
:''[Unbeknownst to the other characters, Felix shoots a laser out of his nose, vaporizing a fly]''
:'''Felix''': Dirty!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Pleakley has grown attached to Felix ever since he cleaned up the house]''
:'''Pleakley''': Laundry pressed and starched, linoleum buffed to a blinding polish. Ah, it doesn't get any better.
:'''Lilo''': Pleakley, your &quot;soulmate&quot; just threw out my collection of seashells that look like presidents.
:'''Pleakley''': Salty sea junk? Who cares?
:'''Lilo''': And it chucked out Stitch's bed!
:'''Pleakley''': Worm-eaten pineapple crate? So what?
:'''Jumba''': I have been working on cure for pesky Earth viruses. Has anyone seen my petri dish cultures?
:'''Pleakley''': Care for the common cold? Better off without out!
:''[Felix comes in and sniffs Pleakley's sewing machine]''
:'''Felix''': Dirty!
:'''Lilo''': ''[smug]'' Trashy old sewing machine? Who needs it?
:'''Pleakley''': Yeah. Just a heap of scrap metal... ''[snaps out of it]'' WAIT!!! That's not trash! It's retro! IT'S RETROOOOO!!!! 
:''[Felix sucks up the sewing machine through his nose and shoots into the trash]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Felix has Lilo, Stitch and Jumba trapped in their own house]''
:'''Jumba''': Uh-oh. I am just remembering: I did not fix flaw in 010's programming.
:'''Lilo''': ''[sarcastically]'' Great. ''Now'' you remember. So what was the flaw?
:'''Jumba''': Logic problem in 010's third function: anticeptisize against all unhealthy germs and sources of filth, which is what he sees ''us'' as. Filthy huge germs to anticeptisize.
:'''Lilo''': That's something like taking a bath, right?
:'''Jumba''': Yes, like taking a bath. The last bath you'll ever take!
:''[Lilo gasps in fright]''
:'''Felix''': '''''Dirty, dirty, dirty!!!'''''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Jumba has just finished making modifications on Felix]''
:'''Jumba''': Presenting 010.2, the upgrade. Reversed polarity, so is no longer obsessively neat.
:'''Lilo''': Well... Let's try him out. ''[pours some cereal on the floor]''
:'''Pleakley''': Oh, what price science.
:'''Jumba''': ''[chuckles]'' See? No reaction at all to big mess-making.
:''[Lilo smashes the cereal by jumping on it; Felix hops over to the mess and takes a deep breath]''
:'''Lilo''': Hey, what's he doing?
:'''Jumba''': I'm evil genius, not fortune teller.
:''[Felix blows the mess with his nose, making an entire mess of the kitchen]''
:'''Lilo''': Now Felix in an [[w:Oscar the Grouch|Oscar]], a total dirt freak!
:'''Felix''': Dirty, dirty, dirty! ''[Stitch shoves him into a container]''
:'''Jumba''': Interesting. Perhaps I have reversed polarity tiniest bit too much.
:'''Pleakley''': Gee, ya think?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu has just finished cleaning up his ship]''
:'''Gantu''': There, finally got the place clean.
:'''625''': Uh-uh-uh! You missed a spot! The entire kitchen!
:'''Gantu''': ''[sighs, notices a wrapped box outside the ship]'' Say... ''[pulls out the tag]'' &quot;Best wishes from Lilo and Stitch.&quot;  ''[opens the box to reveal Felix]'' Experiment 010! You're back! We never should've let you go! 
:''[Gantu takes Felix into the ship]''
:'''Gantu''': 625, look, it's-- Hey, what's he doing?
:'''625''': I don't know, but I don't like it.
:''[Felix messes up the ship]''
:'''Gantu''': &lt;big&gt;AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!&lt;/big&gt;

== ''Poxy (Experiment 222)'' [1.32] ==
:''[Pleakley has contracted Experiment 222 in his body while eating breakfast cereal, causing him to break out in purple spots and burp uncontrollably]''
:'''Pleakley''': Oh, the pain, the torment, ''[burps]'' the acid reflex. Help me....
:'''Lilo''': Pleakley?! What happened to you?
:'''Stitch''': ''[sniff's Pleakley's feet]'' Ah! Stinky!
:'''Lilo''': Wow. You're covered in purple pimples.
:'''Pleakley''': And my eye's swelled, and I'm burping uncontrollably.
:'''Lilo''': ''[thinks a bit]'' No problem. We'll fix you.
:''[she and Stitch leave the room and come back dresses as surgeons]''
:'''Lilo''': Okay, we're ready!
:'''Pleakley''': ''[nervously]'' Ready? ''[burps]'' Ready for what?
:'''Lilo''': To operate!
:'''Stitch''': ''[pulls out a chainsaw]'' Tooki bah wah bah!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after losing Gantu at the medical clinic, Lilo, Stitch, and Pleakley return to their house]''
:'''Jumba''': Okey-dokey. Is simple plan. I use reducer ray to shrink 626 to microscopic teeny-tiny size. Then pilot ex-buggy inside Pleakley and capture 222.
:'''Lilo''': Hey, how'd you get the buggy in here?
:'''Jumba''': Oh, simple: cup opener- It's not important. What ''is'' important is...
:'''Lilo''': THAT I DRIVE!!!
:'''Jumba''': You make joke! This is no job for to little girl!
:'''Stitch''': Yana poola! Ichi boh boh!
:'''Jumba''': Lilo drives.
:'''Lilo''': YAY!!
:'''Pleakley''': Oh, you're gonna let the little girl drive around ''MY INSIDES?!?''
:'''Jumba''': What could I do? There is no arguing with &quot;ichi boh boh&quot;, hmm?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch defeat Gantu by making him contract Poxy]''
:'''625''': Amazing! You've finally caught an experiment!
:'''Gantu''': I didn't want to catch it like this. These pimples itch! How come ''you're'' not sick?
:'''625''': Chicken soup salad sandwiches!
:'''Gantu''': Can I have one?
:'''625''': Sorry. Outta bread again.
:'''Gantu''': I hate this planet.

== ''Hunkahunka (Experiment 323)'' [1.33: Valentine's Day Special] ==
:''[Lilo runs into the house; Stitch is exhausted]''
:'''Lilo''': AAAAAH!!!! HE'S COMING! THIS IS A CATASTROPHE! HE'S ON HIS WAY RIGHT NOW!!
:'''Pleakley''': Hold it! ''HOLD EVERYTHING!!'' Now explain to me slowly and clearly exactly what happened.
:'''Lilo''': Okay. Keoni Jameson was holding a bouquet of flowers, when he asked Tino directions to our house. When Tino asked why he wanted directions, he said he had to ask a real cutie something. It's so obvious what he has in mind.
:'''Pleakley''': Now explain to me slowly and clearly exactly what happened.
:'''Lilo''': Keoni is going to ask me to the Lono-I-Ke-Aweawe festival! ''[pause]'' The annual Valentine's Day festival!
:'''Pleakley''': And this is a catastrophe how?
:'''Lilo''': Only because I'm so not ready! Stitch, you stall him. Act like I'm too pretty to come to the door. And Pleakley, stay out of the way.
:'''Pleakley''': Oh, you won't even know I'm here! All of Galactic Federation observers, such as myself, are masters of the art of seamlessly blending in. 
:''[the doorbell rings]''
:'''Lilo''': That's him!
:'''Pleakley''': WAIT!! I'm not seamlessly blended in yet! I'm un-seamlessly un-blended!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo kicks Keoni out of the house after she finds out he really has a crush on Pleakley in his female disguise]''
:'''Lilo''': It's a world gone mad!
:'''Pleakley''': Lilo, it's called camouflage. He's supposed to think I'm an attractive Earth woman.
:'''Jumba''': ''[chuckles]'' Someone found Pleakley attractive?
:'''Lilo''': Not someone! &lt;big&gt; KEONI!!!&lt;/big&gt; Poor guy must have ear bugs eating his brain.
:'''Jumba''': Hmm, I fear it could be possibly something far in the way worse. Here, look your eyeballs on this. Is Experiment 323. It must have been activated, and is loose on island. One peck from its beak causes victim to fall head over feet in love with the very next person they see! ''[laughs maniacally but then falls off his chair]'' Lovesickness is very destructive. Can bring entire societies crashing to standstill.
:'''Lilo''': Oh! So, Keoni just got pecked by your [[w:Burning Love|Hunkahunka Bird of Love]] experiment.
:'''Jumba''': He is only thing could explain sensible tweenage boy having crush on one-eyed noodle like Pleakley.
:'''Pleakley''': Oh, and I suppose he couldn't have just fallen for my brilliant Earth female disguise.
:'''Lilo''': I don't think so.
:'''Jumba''': Impossible!
:'''Stitch''': Naga.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Pleakley approaches a group of surfers while dressed as a Spanish [[w:flamenco|flamenco dancer]]]''
:'''Pleakley''': Hi, boys. Could one of you help with some sunblock? ''[the surfers stare at him]'' That is a completely believable request from a beautiful Earth woman, right?
:'''Surfer''': Um... I guess so.
:'''Pleakley''': Good. Let me get out my lotion. ''[as he looks in his bag, his wig falls off]''
:'''Surfer''': No! I mean, on second thought, we gotta go catch some choice waves. Now! Seeya! ''[he and the other surfer dash away]''
:'''Pleakley''': Wait! Come back here! I'm beautiful! ''[sighs]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo is trying to ask Keoni to the dance]''
:'''Lilo''': So, Keoni, if you're going to the Lono-I-Ke-Aweawe, it's accustomed to bring a date.
:'''Keoni''': Yeah, I know. That's why I asked your Aunt Pleakley. She is such a hottie.
:'''Stitch''': ''[drags the cooler containing Hunkahunka toward Lilo]'' Maka maka, sassa!
:'''Lilo''': Not now, Stitch. I'm trying to get Keoni to ask me to the dance. ''[a rattle is heard from the cooler]'' Oh, you caught Hunkahunka! ''[picks up Hunkahunka]'' Perfect!
:'''Stitch''': Naga, naga!
:'''Lilo''': Keoni, do I have something in my teeth?
:'''Keoni''': Not that I can see. ''[Lilo puts Hunkahunka behind his neck, causing him to peck him and look straight at Lilo]'' I think I love you!
:'''Lilo''': Attaboy, Stitch! Good thinking.
:'''Stitch''': Aba tooka! ''[puts Hunkahunka back in the cooler]'' Cousin, home.
:'''Lilo''': Oh, we can find the one true place he truly belongs later. Right now, Keoni and I are gonna spend some quality time together. Right, Keoni?
:'''Keoni''': Whatever you say, Lilo.
:''[Stitch groans in frustation]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch returns home with Hunkahunka waiting in the cooler]''
:'''Jumba''': Ah, 626, good. Here you are. I have found antidote for lovesickness. Victim of 323 is affected by the proboscis injection in coordination with retinal stimuli. Therefore, a rehydration of optical nerves and surrounding sensory sensors will negate the effect.
:'''Stitch''': ''[confused]'' Huh?
:'''Jumba''': Spraying of water in face will cure lovesickness.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Lilo''': Hey, wanna play Skip Rocks? I'll go first, because I'm the lady.
:'''Keoni''': So, what do I do?
:'''Lilo''': Um, you have to skip a stone and see if you can win. ''[throws a flat stone that skips across the water]''
:'''Keoni''': Do you want me to win?
:'''Lilo''': Well, no.... I wanna win, that's the game.
:'''Keoni''': ''[simply picks up a large stone and drops into the water]'' You won!
:'''Lilo''': Yeah....

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch zaps Hunkahunka and puts him in the doorprize drawing box outside the Lono-I-Ke-Aweawe dance]''
:'''Lilo''': Stitch! Good thing you're here! Man, I never should have used Hunkahunka to peck Keoni. This fakey love is the worst! Did Jumba give you the antidote?
:'''Stitch''': Ih!
:'''Lilo''': Good. I need to get some to Keoni fast. Is it in here? ''[takes the box]''
:'''Stitch''': Naga! Naga! ''[as soon as the box opens, Hunkahunka flees into the dance room]'' Doonga!
:'''Lilo''': Oops. Well, how was I supposed to know? Why was it in a box?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu captures Hunkahunka and Stitch uses the fire alarm to break everybody out of their lovesickness]''
:'''Pleakley''': So it was all an experiment's fault. I guess my attractive Earth woman's camouflage was a miserable failure after all.
:'''Keoni''': Miss Pleakley? You look really nice tonight.
:'''Lilo''': Uh-oh. Keoni must not have gotten wet.
:'''Pleakley''': Time to get over it, kiddo. ''[sprays water into Keoni's face]''
:'''Keoni''': Wow. You're beautiful ''and'' quirky.
:'''Pleakley''': I am? I am, aren't I?! Woo-hoo! My camouflage is beautiful after all!
:'''Lilo''': Wow, Keoni had a real crush on Pleakley all along.
:'''Stitch''': Ooh! Naga botifa!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu transports Hunkahunka to Hämsterviel]''
:'''Hämsterviel''': You have an experiment? Give it to me! FASTER!!! Why are you so slow, you slow sharky thing?! You are the most incompetent of incompetence! And another I have been meaning to tell you... ''[Hunkahunka pecks him, causing him to feel a love connection with Gantu]'' I think I love you!
:'''Gantu''': Really? Tell me more.
:'''Hämsterviel''': Like that idiotic look on your face when you have no clue what you are doing, it is so disgustingly cute! And all those stupid things you say, oh, how you make me laugh! I love it!
:'''Gantu''': Oh, blitznack.

== ''Sample (Experiment 258)'' [1.34] ==
:''[Stitch receives a letter]''
:'''Stitch''': Mmm.... Akeba? ''[hands the letter to Lilo]''
:'''Lilo''': It's from the lady at the animal shelter where we adopted you. It says it's time for your shots.
:'''Stitch''': Oh, okay... BU-BYE!!! ''[dashes away]''
:'''Lilo''': Oh, no you don't! ''[chases after Stitch]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Lilo''': Stitch, come down! If you don't get your shots, you could catch a mutating virus!
:'''Stitch''' Naga shots! Ouchie!
:'''Lilo''': Okay. How about this? If you come down and get your shots, you can have coconut cake for breakfast? 
:'''Stitch''': Coconut cake ''and'' coffee?
:'''Lilo''': Deal!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu is listening to a self-motivating CD]''
:'''Instructor''': And in order to achieve success, you must never accept failure. Tell yourself that you are a door!
:'''Gantu''': I am a door. 
:'''Instructor''': Louder! Make you mama proud!
:'''Gantu''': I AM A DOOR!!
:'''625''': Hey, doo-boy, could you keep it down? I'm trying to savor a salami sub in here.
:'''Computer''': Warning. Experiment 258 activated. Primary function: sonic annoyance.
:'''Gantu''': Hmmm.... &quot;Drives people mad by sampling sounds and repeating them in an endless grating rhythm. 625, today I will be successful. I'm ordering you to not let me back in the ship unless I have captured that experiment. Remember, no matter what I say, no matter how much I implore you, do not let me back in unless I've captured the experiment.
:'''625''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, yeah. That'll work.
:'''Gantu''': I heard that! 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Susan calls in Merwin and Dean from the Alien Convention after receiving Sample]''
:'''Merwin''': We're here to see the something.
:'''Susan''': If you guys are alien hunters, why are you dressed like aliens?
:'''Dean''': Well, we're going to an alien's convention, and so my mom made me these costumes out of her old trailer on...
:'''Merwin''': ''[elbows Dean]'' Infiltrate and assimilate, ma'am. These costumes allow us to walk among the E.T.'s undetected.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Merwin and Dean chase Lilo and Stitch after they grab Sample]''
:'''Merwin''': So, thought you could hide, huh? Sorry, kids, this little alien is...
:'''Gantu''': Mine! 
:'''Merwin''': Another one!
:'''Dean''': And he's big! Outer-space big!
:'''Merwin''': Forget these little guys! Let's bag him!
:'''Stitch''': Okeetaka! ''[he and Lilo run off with Sample]''
:''[Merwin and Dean corner Gantu]''
:'''Gantu''': Out of my way, Earth forms!
:'''Dean''': ''[pointing his stick at Gantu]'' Hold it right there, alien!
:'''Gantu''': A plasma-converting pulse cannon 9000 series. The most feared weapon in the galaxy! Only one known counter-measure: ''RUN!!!'' ''[runs away]''
:'''Merwin''': That alien totally thinks your ray gun is real. What's it made of?
:'''Dean''': Toilet paper rolls and aluminum foil.
:'''Merwin''': Cool!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu runs back to his ship and bangs on the entrance]''
:'''Gantu''': 625, open the door!
:'''625''': Uh, where's the experiment?
:'''Gantu''': What?!
:'''625''': Sorry, squidly. Can't let you in without the experiment. Hey, your orders.
:'''Gantu''': By the fires of the planet Krimlatt, I'LL BREAK EVERY BONE IN YOUR--
:'''Merwin''': I think he went that way.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu captures Stitch and Sample and heads to the Alien Convention with Merwin and Dean]''
:'''Lilo''': Gantu, you can't let'em take you to the Alien Convention! They'll tell everybody you're an alien!
:'''Gantu''': Correction, they'll tell everybody ''you're'' aliens.
:'''Lilo''': But we made a deal.
:'''Gantu''': And I made a new deal. I affect your capture, you two appear in the alien demonstration of the convention, and they and then they hand 258 over to me.
:'''Stitch''': Egaba! Toobiteeba!
:'''Gantu''': Quiet, trog, or he'll turn that plasma cannon on you!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Jumba and Pleakley come to the Alien Convention; Pleakley is wearing Galactic Federation uniform]''
:'''Jumba''': Is my hair on straight?
:'''Pleakley''': That's better, but you don't need it. I feel completely at home here.
:'''Jumba''': Ha! You say. I think you are sticking out like sore thumb.
:''[as soon as they enter the convention, they see many people dressed as aliens]''
:'''Pleakley''': Greetings, fellow aliens!
:'''Jumba''': Then again, maybe is ''my'' that is sticking and soring.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Announcer''': Greetings, aliens and spacemen. Can I have your attention? Right on this stage, for a second year in a row, Merwin and Dean and their real live aliens from outer space! Space... space.. space...
:'''Fan''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, this oughta be good.
:'''Pleakley''': What's so special about aliens? We're all real live aliens here!
:'''Fan''': ''[fake cough]'' What a geek! 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Merwin''': Fellow believers, I, Merwin Finklestein, professional alien hunter, am proud to present, a real live alien!
:''[the curtain rises to reveal Gantu who failed to capture Stitch and Sample]''
:'''Gantu''': But we had a deal!
:'''Merwin''': Yeah, we did. But you let those other two get away, so you're going to take their place.
:'''Gantu''': Oh, you think so? ''[Dean points his stick at him]'' Okay, okay! Just be careful with that thing!
:'''Pleakley''': Oh, no! You were right! They're big nasty alien hunters with a big nasty plasma-converter pulse cannon, and you and I are in big trouble!
:'''Jumba''': Bah! Big hunters are big phonies, and so is gun. Looks like plasma-converter 9000 series, but is obvious fake.
:'''Lilo''': See, Stitch? Never bale out on a deal, because what goes around comes around.

== ''Babyfier (Experiment 151)'' [1.35] ==
:'''Nani''': You want to go see ''what''?!
:'''Lilo''': ''Sludge Mummies Episode 2: Attack of the Bones''.
:'''Nani''': But you didn't even see the first movie!
:'''Lilo''': Only because you wouldn't take me!
:'''Nani''': Hello, you were 3?!
:'''Lilo''': Mertle gets to see PG movies. Her mom goes with her.
:'''Nani''': Oh, and if Mertle's mom jumped off a cliff, I suppose you'd want me to do that too!
:'''Lilo''': Wow! Would you?
:'''Nani''': No! There will be no cliff-jumping and no ''Sludge Zombie'' movies!
:'''Lilo''': They're Sludge ''Mummies''!
:'''Nani''': Whatever!
:'''Mr. Jameson''': Ahem!
:'''Nani''': Lilo, look, I've got work to do. I said no movie, and I mean no movie.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Nani''': ''[to Stitch and Lilo; jeep beeps]'' Lilo, I told you no ''Sludge Mummy'' movies!
:'''Lilo''': Nani?! But I... I... I--I didn't--
:'''Nani''': Didn't think I'd come by and check? Well, you were wrong!
:'''Lilo''': Uh… ''[chuckles nervously]''
:''[Back at the Pelekai house, Lilo, Stitch and Nani enter as the sisters argue]''
:'''Stitch''': Oh, trouble coming.
:'''Nani''': I can't believe you disobeyed me! I said you couldn't see that movie!
:'''Lilo''': How come you're always telling me what to do?!
:'''Nani''': Because I'm the older sister here. I'm the babysitter.
:'''Lilo''': I am '''''NOT''''' a baby! And you're not an adult! You're just a grown-up!
:'''Nani''': Whatever! I'm responsible for you, Lilo. That means I'm all about what's best for you. So what I say ''goes.''
:'''Lilo''': You mean like a dictator?!
:'''Nani''': Go to your rooftop dome!
:'''Lilo''': ''[elevators up to her rooftop dome bedroom]'' I'm already there!
:''[Nani walks away, groaning in annoyed anger as Lilo screams in frustration]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch releases Babyfier, causing him to turn him, Nani, Jumba and Pleakley into infants; Lilo recaptures Babyfier]''
:'''Lilo''': Well, now that ''I'm'' the oldest, I guess I'm in charge. But what do I do?! ''[the babies stare at each other and then stare at Lilo]'' I guess adults just do whatever they wanna do. So... Let's go to the movies. Come on, gang!
:''[Lilo rushes out of the kitchen, but then stops to see Baby Jumba throwing eggs everywhere]''
:'''Baby Jumba''': ''[laughs]'' Whee! Evil! Ha, ha-ha!
:'''Lilo''': Jumba, no! I'm in charge now, and I say you have to stop playing evil and go to the movies with me.
:''[Lilo suddenly hears the dryer running]''
:'''Baby Nani''': Playtime! Playtime!
:'''Lilo''': ''[pulls Baby Nani out of a laundry basket]'' Nani, how many times have you told me, you can't play in the dryer. ''[Baby Stitch detaches the fridge door and starts eating it]'' Stitch, no!
:'''Baby Pleakley''': I made oops in my pants.
:'''Lilo''': ''[Baby Nani begins playing with the stove]'' Nani, no! ''[Baby Jumba throws an egg at her head]'' '''Jumba, no!''' ''[Baby Stitch begins to eat the whole refrigerator]'' STITCH, NO!!!
:'''Baby Pleakley''': I made more oops in my pants! ''[Baby Pleakley begins to cry, along with the other three babies]''
:'''Lilo''': I guess the movie's off. I'm a mother of four!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Baby Nani and Stich fight over Scrump]''
*'''Baby Nani''': Mine!
:''[Lilo appears]''
:'''Lilo''': Stop it! ''[The scuffle caused her doll to break]'' Now she's gonna get surgery again. ''[to Nani and Stitch]'' You're both grounded! ''[both babies cried]'' This is all your fault! ''[?]'' Oh, no! Not Gantu! NOT NOW!! It's nap time!
:'''Gantu''': ?
:'''Lilo''': No! Leave it alone, you big dummy!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu captures Babyfier]''
:'''625''': A baby-making experiment? Hey, aren't humans capable of doing that that all by themselves?
:'''Gantu''': No, no, no. It turns grownups ''into'' babies.
:'''625''': Really?
:'''Gantu''': Yes, babies! Hey, I'm feeling a little peckish. How about making me a... ''[Babyfier has been released from the container]'' Hey, how'd you get out?! ''[Babyfier outmaneuvers Gantu and turns him into an infant, who begins to waddle around giggling]''
:'''625''': Sorry, G, I couldn't resist. I always wondered out like a guppy or a tadpole. Turns out you were just a smaller kind of ugly. Whoah! Aerial attack! ''[625 narrowly dodges Babyfier and tricks it into going up the elevator where it escapes]''
:'''Hämsterviel''': GANTU!!! Did my hamster eyes just see what I thought they saw?! The escape of yet another valuable experiment?! And why are you acting like a baby, you incompetent, lazy, oh-so-smelly, fish-footed-- 
:''[Baby Gantu cries; 625 runs up to comfort him]''
:'''625''': Hey, lighten up, Dr. H, will ya? Little Googoo here hasn't had his nap yet.
:'''Hämsterviel''': No, no, no! There will be no napping-apping babies! I want my experiments! So get going! GO, GO, GO!!!! ''[625 dashes out of the ship carrying Baby Gantu in a baby stroller]'' '''NOW, NOW, &lt;big&gt; NOOOOOOWWWWW!!!!&lt;/big&gt;'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Baby Stitch and Baby Gantu begin fighting over Babyfier]''
:'''Baby Stitch''': Mine!
:'''Baby Gantu''': Mine!
:'''Baby Stitch''': Mine!
:'''Baby Gantu''': Mine!
:'''Baby Stitch''': Miiiiine! ''[Gantu accidentally lets go, causing him to launch himself onto a slide]''
:'''625''': Be careful, little Googoo! Don't hurt the poor innocent slide!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Baby Jumba and Baby Pleakley sneak into Kiki's Coffee Shop to find 100% Kona Coffee to create the antidote for Babyfier's effects]''
:'''Baby Jumba''': Ach! Too many peoples. Must clear room somehow.
:'''Baby Pleakley''': Oops!
:''[as soon as the stench reaches everyone's noses, they all flee the shop and Kiki places a &quot;Enter at Own Risk&quot; sign on the door]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Baby Stitch launches the antidote into the sky, turning everyone in Kauai back to normal, including Nani]''
:'''Lilo''': You're back! Thank goodness I'm the little sister again. Being responsible is hard.
:'''Nani''': ''[chuckles]'' Yeah, but it can be pretty satisfying, when you raise a good kid.
:'''Lilo''': I am pretty good, huh?
:'''Nani''': Yep. In fact, I wanna reward you for being babysitter for a day. Let's go see some Sludge Mummies!
:'''Lilo''': ''Attack of the Bones''?! Really?!
:'''Nani''': Yeah. I kinda forgot what it was like to be a kid. Now I remember. When you gotta see a scary movie, you gotta see a scary movie.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Baby Gantu is crying loudly while 625 is calling on the phone]''
:'''625''': Hello, Baby Hotline? Yeah, hi. How do you burp a large shark-like alien baby? No, this isn't a joke! Wait, wait, don't hang up! I--- Oh, blitznack!

== ''Bonnie &amp; Clyde (Experiments 149 &amp; 150)'' [1.36] ==
:''[Note: This episode misnumbers Bonnie and Clyde as 349 and 350, respectively]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Nani''': ''[enraged]'' LILO, YOU LOLO! ''[Stitch spits out Scrump and he and Lilo rush toward the window, pushing pillows in their faces]'' Lilo, Stitch! Yesterday, I told you no running around the house! So what do you do? You run around the house! Last week, I told you to clean your room! Is it clean? No! What's gonna be next with you?!
:'''Jumba''': She almost made me drop my highly unstable container of uflasium.
:'''Nani''': Well, what do you have to say for yourselves?
:'''Lilo''': Uh, well, I ate breakfast like you asked, and I can prove it. ''[belches without saying &quot;Excuse me&quot; and Stitch laughs]''
:'''Nani''': And you're supposed to say &quot;Excuse me&quot; when you burp! That does it, you two are grounded for 24 hours! ''[storms off]''
:'''Lilo''': ''[crossing her arms]'' What's the big deal? We didn't hurt anyone.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch is about to go out through the window]''
:'''Stitch''': Keetooka naga!
:'''Lilo''': Where are you going? ''[grabs Stitch's ankle]''
:'''Stitch''': Keetooka naga!
:'''Lilo''': We can't leave! We're grounded!
:'''Stitch''': Maka maka, sasa!
:'''Lilo''': I don't care if it's a free country! Nani would roast us! And I don't care if we should be able to do whatever we wanna do whenever we wanna do it. We can't leave. So... So... What are you waiting for?! Help me up!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch track down Bonnie and Clyde into an abandoned factory]''
:'''Lilo''': We've got you cornered, cousins!
:'''Bonnie''': Reeeaaally? I think it's us got the drop on ''you'', cuz!
:''[Stitch growls at her]''
:'''Bonnie''': Whoa, there, blue boy. One of Jumba's, huh?
:'''Lilo''': Hi, I'm Lilo, and this is Stitch. He's your cousin. This is how it works: I turn you from bad to good, and find the one place where you belong, so you don't end up with Gantu.
:'''Bonnie''': Waddya you know about Gantu?
:'''Lilo''': We know everything about him. He's a stinky-head. And he tries to get our experiments, but he's really lame. So even when he catches them and takes them back to his ship, we can usually rescue him.
:'''Bonnie''': You've broken into his ship?
:'''Lilo''': Sure, lots of times.
:'''Bonnie''': No kiddin'! Hey, I'm being rude! Come in, come in! I'm 349 and he's 350. Welcome to our domicile.
:'''Clyde''': What are you doing?! You showin'em our hideout! I don't think--
:'''Bonnie''': How many times I gotta tell ya?! Leave the tinkin' to me! Those two goody-goodies are gonna help us brake into that very high-tech, very valuable spaceship!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after Lilo, Stitch, Bonnie and Clyde narrowly escape Gantu's ship]''
:'''Bonnie''': I gotta hand it to you kid, that was quite the escape. You two got great criminal minds.
:'''Lilo''': When did we cross the big fat line from &quot;having fun&quot; to &quot;being great criminal minds&quot;?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo, Stitch &amp; Pleakley successfully capture Bonnie and Clyde despite Nani's warning not to leave the house]''
:'''Lilo''': Sorry we disobeyed you again. We had to catch the bad guys. So... Are we off the hook?
:''[Nani looks at Officer Kahiko, who smiles at her]''
:'''Nani''': Well, you were trying to do the right thing, and you did get the bad guys. So... yeah. You and me are cool.
:'''Officer Kahiko''': But, you and the municipality of Kokaua Town, that's another story.

== ''Slugger (Experiment 608)'' [1.37] ==
:''[Lilo is addressing to her softball team, which consists of Stitch, Jumba, Yin, Yang, Richter, Kixx, and Splodyhead]''
:'''Lilo''': Alright, men, and evil geniuses, and genetic mutants from outer space. We are here today for one purpose and one purpose only: to destroy Mertle's softball team! So let's get out there and really tear up the basepads! ''[Stitch dashes out to the fields and starts ripping the bases apart]'' I didn't mean that literally, Stitch.
:'''Jumba''': Eh, question. Once team is beaten, do losers become our servants for life?
:'''Lilo''': What?! No!
:'''Jumba''': Hmm, is how team sports work on my planet.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch shoves a crate on Gantu's head, causing him to drop Slugger]''
:'''Lilo''': Hey, there, little guy. We're not going to hurt you. We're here to give you a new home. But see that guy over there? ''[points to Gantu, who still has the crate over his head]''
:'''Gantu''': I'm going to vaporize you, trog, just as soon as I can see you!
:''[Slugger nods while snorting]''
:'''Lilo''': Well, if you come with us, we'll keep you safe from him. Okay? ''[holds Slugger's hand]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch tests out Slugger's batting skills by throwing avocados at him]''
:'''Lilo''': Coconuts, avocados, wow he really likes to bat things around.
:''[Slugger accidentally splats and avocado on a picture, which Stitch licks clean]''
:'''Stitch''': Mmmm, guacamole!
:'''Jumba''': Experiment 608 will swat at many different things. In addition to deflecting airborne projectiles launched at enemies, he is also programmed to swat away balls, toys and fruit thrown over fence by annoying neighbor children.
:'''Lilo''': He hits balls? Tomorrow, Lilo's Lasers hit the practice field! We're gonna beat Mertle's team yet!
:'''Pleakley''': Ooh, for the rematch, will we be the home team or the away team? Because according to my research, the home team wears a white uniform while the...
:'''Lilo''': Uh... You know what, Pleakley? It's just practice. And you're so good already, that you don't have to come.
:'''Pleakley''': ''[hurt]'' Oh, okay, thanks.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Mertle agrees to give Gantu Slugger in exchange for him being in her team]''
:'''Mertle''': Hey, Weirdlo! Ready to meet your doom?
:'''Gantu''': We're going to destroy you.
:'''Lilo''': You're cheating! You put Gantu on your team!
:'''Mertle''': So? You have a new player, too!
:'''Lilo''': It's not the same.
:'''Mertle''': You're just scared!
:'''Lilo''': I'm not scared!
:'''Mertle''': Then let's sweeten the bet: Whoever wins, gets ''him''! ''[points to Slugger]''
:'''Lilo''': Slugger?! I bet I know whose idea that is. ''[looks up at Gantu, chuckling evilly]'' You're on! I'll even have you first at bat.
:'''Mertle''': Who said we were playing baseball? I thought we'd play ''basketball'' this time.
:'''Lilo''': What?!
:'''Mertle''': You did say any time, any place, any game!
:'''Lilo''': I... I did?!
:'''Stitch''': Ih. You did.
:'''Lilo''': But I... I didn't mean to!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo's Lasers had thanks to Pleakley's amazing basketball skills]''
:'''Lilo''': Pleakley, I just wanna say thanks for being loyal to me. It made me realize I should've support you when you were on my baseball team.
:'''Pleakley''': Oh, I don't blame you one little bit. I was awful at baseball!
:'''Lilo''': It doesn't matter. Loyalty to your friends is way more important than winning. It's even more important than a stack of Elvis records.
:'''Pleakley''': Please, I'm getting all teary.
:'''Lilo''': You didn't tell us you can play B-ball though.
:'''Pleakley''': It turns out that Earth basketball is is virtually identical to Priznolaprack on my home planet. I was a four-time Priznolaprack grand champion.
:'''Lilo''': Well, thanks to you, we got to keep Slugger, and help him find his one true place.
:''[Lilo shows how Slugger is helping the softball coach show the kids how to bat]''

== ''Bad Stitch'' [1.38] ==
:''[Note: No new experiments appear in this episode]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Hämsterviel contacts Gantu while he is playing with this bath toys]''
:'''Hämsterviel''': Gantu!
:'''Gantu''': Doctor Hämsterviel! I was just practicing my tactical maneuvers.
:'''Hämsterviel''': I do not care about you plastic amusements! It is your failures at capturing my experiments that sickens me to the bone!
:'''Gantu''': But, sir, it's not my fault. It's that abomination 626 and that young female Earth form...
:'''Hämsterviel''': &lt;big&gt;'''SILENCE!!!'''&lt;/big&gt; You're good at nothing but the pathetic excuses. That is why I am giving you job to someone infinitely more competent!
:'''Gantu''': More competent?! But, I...
:'''Hämsterviel''': You failed me, Gantu! As of this moment, you are fired!
:'''Gantu''': But you can't fire me!
:'''625''': Ouch, hurts to be you. Listen, a word of advice: Before you go looking for a new job, put on some pants. ''[Gantu smashes his bath toys in rage]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch are playing checkers]''
:'''Nani''': '''LILO!!!'''
:'''Lilo''': Uh-oh. Nanisaurus Rex is on the rampage again.
:'''Nani''': Look at these bills! $20 to fixed the window Stitch broke, $60 for the new door for the refrigerator, $200 for Mr. Koakini's broken gas grill?!
:'''Lilo''': It was an emergency gas grilling situation. ''And'' we caught the experiment.
:'''Nani''': That's great, honey, but that's not gonna pay these bills and that means no hula lessons this month.
:'''Lilo''': But I need my hula lessons. For self-esteen, personal growth, and development. See? ''[gestures to her trophy, which is broken in two]'' I--
:'''Nani''': Oh, no! He even broke...
:'''Lilo''': My hula trophy. ''[Stitch uses his saliva to try to glue the pieces back togetherness, but they immediately fells off the piece]''
:'''Nani''': ''[to Stitch and Lilo]'' Ok. That does it! I have had it up to here with the little blue wrecking ball.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Pleakley has just finished with his plan to make money in order to pay the bills]''
:'''Pleakley''': And now, the moment we've all been waiting for. The money-making miracle of the ages! ''[pulls off the tarp to reveal a lemonade stand sign]'' Ta-da...lemonade!
:'''Lilo''': That's it? That's your big idea? A lemonade stand?
:'''Pleakley''': Lemonade stands appear on all your Earth cartoons, and every situation comedy ever written. It's brilliant! Cliche but brilliant! What do you think? ''[Lilo leaves]'' Lilo?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Hämsterviel captures Stitch and reverts him to his original evil programming; Gantu enters]''
:'''Gantu''': Hello, I'm here about the ad for aliens. ''I'm'' an alien.
:'''Professor''': You're a fired alien! That's what you are!
:'''Gantu''': Fired?! What, how would you-- ''[Hämsterviel pops out of the Professor disguise]'' Dr. Hämsterviel?! You're suppose to be in prison!
:'''Hämsterviel''': Three-day furlough! Just enough time to hire a new assistant! ''[points to Stitch]''
:'''Gantu''': The abomination!
:'''Hämsterviel''': Yes! With 626's destructive programming in place, he will help me capture the other experiments! You will not! Goodbye! ''[the door quickly shuts]''
:'''Gantu''': But... 
:''[the door opens quickly and Hämsterviel snatches Gantu's flyer]''
:'''Hämsterviel''': Give me that! I recycle! ''[slams the door again]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch tricks Hämsterviel by smashing a floorboard on his disguise]''
:'''Stitch''': Stitch good?
:'''Lilo''': Very good! Even without the water bottle of karmic cleansing.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch return home]''
:'''Stitch''': ''[pulls out Lilo's fixed hula trophy]'' Agata!
:'''Lilo''': You fixed it! I think it looks better this way.
:'''Nani''': Lilo, I'm home!
:'''Lilo''': Stitch fixed my hula trophy! And this time he used ''real'' glue.
:'''Nani''': Why, thank you, Stitch. Looks like that Zen of Dog Training really paid off.
:'''Lilo''': Not really. He found the path of goodness all by himself.
:''[a shatter sound is heard; Nani looks in the living room to find it a total mess]''
:'''Nani''': What happened?!
:'''Lilo''': Um, the path kinda went through the living room. We had a little trouble finding the glue.
:''[Nani faints; Stitch laughs]''

== ''Drowsy (Experiment 360)'' [1.39] ==
:''[Note: [[w:Regis Philbin|Regis Philbin]] makes a special guest role as the voice of himself]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Jumba has Pleakley do his paperwork while he goes surfing with David]''
:'''Jumba''': This is lucky day for you, my one-eyed friend.
:'''Pleakley''': Ooh! Is today the once-a-year sale in Tessy's Dressies?
:'''Jumba''': No. I have decided to promote you to assistant evil genius!
:'''Pleakley''': I wasn't aware I was even in the chain of command! What exactly does the position entail?
:'''Jumba''': Little girl recovered new experiment pods. They need to be identified, registered, labeled, and categorized.
:'''Pleakley''': Eh... how much did you say this evil genius stuff pays?
:'''Jumba''': For you, zero, but looks very good on resume.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu and 625 are fast asleep]''
:'''Computer''': Warning. Experiment 360 activated. Primary function: sleep inducer.
:'''Gantu''': ''[covers the computer with a pillow]'' Just five more minutes, mother.
:'''Hämsterviel''': WAKE UP, YOU SQUID-LIP EXCUSE FOR A MOLLUSK!! A pod has been activated!
:'''Gantu''': But sir, it's the middle of the nocturnal Earth cycle.
:'''Hämsterviel''': Shh, do you hear that? It's the sound of &lt;big&gt;'''I DON'T CARE!!!'''&lt;/big&gt; I got big plans for tomorrow, so there is no time for beauty sleep!
:'''625''': ''[yawns]'' Too bad, he really needs it.
:'''Gantu''': What big plans, sir?
:'''Hämsterviel''': I have been monitoring Earth's television transmissions for over a month. And I believe I've identified the most powerful, influential human on the planet! He is always on the TV, obviously using mind control to mesmerize the Earthlings! And in two days time, you are going to capture him for me! ''[laughs maniacally]'' 
:'''Gantu''': Really? Who? How?
:'''Hämsterviel''': Just bring the new experiment!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch uses Drowsy to help Lilo fall asleep, but now Lilo can't wake up; Stitch puts sunglasses on Lilo and uses her sleeping body as a puppet to do her errands]''
:'''Pleakley''': Ah, Lilo! Just in time for some processed grain with dehydrated fruity bits.
:'''Stitch''': ''[imitates Lilo]'' Uh, not for me. Stitch. ''[normal voice]'' Naga. Naga ti chita. ''[imitates Lilo]'' Okay! Um... bye! ''[drags Lilo to Mrs. Hasagawa's fruit stand]''
:'''Jumba''': &lt;big&gt;'''''WHERE IS EXPERIMENT 360?!?'''''&lt;/big&gt; 
:'''Pleakley''': I don't know!
:'''Jumba''': What?! It didn't just get up and walk away!
:''[they both see Drowsy walking past them with a blanket covering himself]''
:'''Pleakley''': Eh, I should use less starch in the laundry?
:'''Jumba''': Is not laundry! Is my experiment!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after Stitch successfully uses Lilo as a puppet to perform her hula dance]''
:'''Mertle''': That was the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen.
:'''Mr. Jameson''': That was the most incredible thing I've ever seen! Unique! Daring! Original! You're Nani's sister, aren't you? ''[hands Stitch a card]'' I could use your help. A very important guest is coming here tomorrow, and I'd like you to be our aloha greeter at the airport.
:'''Stitch''': But--
:'''Mr. Jameson''': I will not take no for an answer! I'm gonna be late for the meeting! Here's the info, good luck!
:'''Stitch''': Oh, shoota!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after Lilo wakes up thanks to Jumba, she and Stitch tries to protect Regis Philbin from Gantu and 625]''
:'''Regis Philbin''': I think I've figured out what's going on.
:'''Lilo''': ''[nervously]'' Wh-what do you mean?
:'''Regis Philbin''': I'm not completely oblivious, you know. You and Stitch have been protecting from autograph hunters ever since I got here.
:'''Lilo''': We?! Oh, drat! You've figured it out! Well, there's one other Hawaiian tradition we haven't told you about: Hanai.
:'''Regis Philbin''': Hanai? What's that?
:'''Lilo''': It's when you welcome a stranger into your home. My house is not as nice as this hotel, but no one will think to look for you there.
:'''Regis Philbin''': Okay! Just one condition: you get some rest, too. You've been working too hard.
:'''Lilo''': It's a deal! In fact, I think it's time everyone had a good snooze. Me, Pleakley, Nani, Jumba... ''[Stitch yawns and lies down on the floor]'' ...and Drowsy here can help.

==External links==
[[Category:Lilo &amp; Stitch: The Series seasons and films]]</text>
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      <id>3942588</id>
      <parentid>3942587</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-05-19T01:04:40Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>~2026-29954-94</username>
        <id>3324342</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Mr. Stenchy (Experiment 254) [1.04] */</comment>
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      <text bytes="198753" sha1="b01ncso1r2q5bjthxusbowestqykh4f" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
----
[[Stitch! The Movie|Pilot film]] | '''Seasons:''' [[Lilo &amp; Stitch: The Series (season 1)|1]] [[Lilo &amp; Stitch: The Series (season 2)|2]] | [[Leroy &amp; Stitch|Finale film]] | [[Lilo &amp; Stitch: The Series|Main]]
----

== ''Richter (Experiment 513)'' [1.01] ==
:''[Experiment 625 is making a PB&amp;J sandwich, he watches the news on Richter's quakes as Gantu fixes the communicator]''
:'''Gantu''': 625, turn that thing off! I'm trying to get this communication relay online, and you're not helping!
:'''625''': Aw, what's the matter? Can't handle plugging in wires by yourself? At least I'll be ready in case of a sandwich shortage.
:'''Gantu''': Shortage?!
:'''625''': ''[imitates a newsreel fanfare]'' Newsflash from the crash nebula, space whale! There was a quake today! I'm not taking chances. I'm stocking up.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Pleakley''': I've called you all together for an emergency earthquake readiness meeting. Now, planetary shaking is measured on what is called a [[w:Richter Scale|Richter Scale]]. Today's quake was a 5.0, quite moderate and perfectly normal, but a good reminder to us all: be prepared and don't panic! I repeat: DO NOT! PANIC!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''David''': Hey, Lilo, is your sister home?
:'''Lilo''': Yeah, but I don't think she's feeling well. She said something about having a big zit.
:'''Nani''': LILO!! ''[dashes to the front door]'' No! I'm fine.
:'''Lilo''': Well, what were you popping when... ''[Nani covers her mouth until she licks her]''
:'''Nani''': Ugh! ''[chuckles nervously]'' What a darling.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jumba''': ''[explaining Experiment 513]'' Quake today was teensy little jiggle to 513. He is programmed to look for weakest geological point on island, for to make one ginormous evil earthquake! ''[laughs maniacally]'' Most likely, 513 will have to look for big fault at base of volcano. Is imperative that he must never go underground... unless you ''want'' evil quake.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Jumba has converted the family buggy into a giant drilling machine so Lilo and Stitch can hunt down Richter underground]''
:'''Lilo''': Let's go, Stitch. Stitch! 
:''[Stitch is playing around with his new orange ball]''
:'''Jumba''': ''[takes ball]'' 626, what are you playing with? Looks like citrus orb.
:'''Stitch''': Okata! ''[swipes the ball back]''
:'''Lilo''': He doesn't like people touching his orange ball. He's learning how to take care of things.

== ''Phantasmo (Experiment 375)'' [1.02] ==
:''[Lilo, Stitch and the family are enjoying dinner at Macki Macaw's; the animatronic Macki, however, flames up and falls off the perch]''
:'''Jumba''': Primitive Earth entertainment technology. Very entertaining.
:'''Pleakley''': Especially when he entertains by catching on fire. Fascinating.
:''[Stitch gets his glass ready as Pleakley pours soda to the group]''
:'''Lilo''': Wait your turn, Stitch. Macki may be combustibally challenged, but I love this place. It's homey. Why don't we come here more often?
:''[Stitch, patience run out after Pleakley does not pour him any soda, leaps onto the table, chugs the whole pitcher of soda down, and belches loudly]''
:'''Nani''': ''That's'' why.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Nani''': Lilo, have you finished giving him a bath?
:''[Stitch dashes out of the bathroom wearing an inner tube; Lilo begins chasing Stitch around the house; Stitch tries to squeeze through the doggy door, but can't due to his inner tube]''
:'''Lilo''': You know how he is about water. I almost had him lulled into a false sense of security, but then you said the b-word. Never say the b-word!
:'''Nani''': You mean.... &quot;BATH?&quot;
:''[Stitch finally escapes leaving Lilo stuck in the inner tube]''
:'''Lilo''': Why do you torment me?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Lilo''': Pee-yew! How much pizza and soda can one mutant alien wear?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch sees Phantasmo (possessing Scrump) messing with Lilo's movies; he breaks free from the chains and begins attacking Scrump]''
:'''Lilo''': What's all the racket in there? That sounded like... Stitch?!
:''[as Lilo enters the room, Scrump goes into doll mode and Stitch spits it out]''
:'''Stitch''': Stitch not bad! Was scary dolly!
:'''Lilo''': Scrump is very smart, Stitch. But she doesn't go around breaking plates and unscrewing videotapes. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[during Stitch's &quot;trial&quot;]''
:'''Pleakley''': Wasn't it Defendant 626 who chewed off the arm of Mr. Fluffybear here?
:'''Lilo''': Objection! I sewed it back on.
:'''Pleakley''': And how about little Suzy Teaparty? Anybody seen yer head? I haven't, because it's gone!
:'''Lilo''': Objection! Stitch didn't mean to eat. It was a freak accident! He was accidentally hungry.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo, Jumba, and Pleakley are tied by Phantasmo after learning his secret]''
:'''Pleakley''': What does it want?!
:'''Jumba''': 375 has advanced programming. Now that we have learned his secret, he will probably get rid of us.
:''[Phantasmo possesses Scrump and picks up Jumba's gun]''
:'''Jumba''': Don't worry. The weapon is only loaded with net.
:''[Phantasmo replaces the net cartridge with another]''
:'''Jumba''': Ah! He has replaced net with my new laser cartridge! I am so proud of his smartness!
:'''Lilo''': I'm not.
:'''Pleakley''': And I'm just gonna faint. I'm too terrified to faint. How about if I just scream? '''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Nani''': So I hear there's an experiment out there that takes over inanimate objects?
:'''Lilo''': Yep, makes it look like other ''innocent'' experiments did bad stuff when they didn't do anything wrong at all.
:'''Nani''': Okay, I get it. My bad.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after Phantasmo finds his one true place as possessing Macki Macaw to entertain]''
:'''Nani''': I owe you both an apology. I was wrong about you. Innocent until proven guilty. I'm old enough to know that. I'm sorry.
:'''Lilo''': ''[whispers something into Stitch's ear]'' Okay, we'll forgive your behavior on one condition.
:'''Stitch''': Nani buys games and pizza!
:'''Nani''': ''[chuckles]'' I guess that's fair.

== ''Clip (Experiment 177)'' [1.03] ==
:''[Lilo and Stitch are at a beauty salon]''
:'''Lilo''': Now, pay attention, Stitch. To fit in on Earth, you need to be obsessed with how you look. ''[gesturing to two men who are mud-bathing]'' People come from all over to soak in this mud. They wanna be like pigs. Go ahead.
:''[Stitch grabs a handful of mud and shoves into his mouth, and then spits out on Lilo; Lilo then tries to throw the mud at Stitch, causing a large mud fight that messes up the entire beauty salon]''
:'''Salon Owner''': ''[comes through the door]'' Stop right there! Oh, just look at this mess! 
:'''Lilo''': Yeah, you really need to sweep all that hair.
:'''Salon Owner''': Not the hair! THE MUD!!
:''[Lilo hangs her head sadly; Stitch, however, looks at the owner angrily]''
:'''Stitch''': Agata! ''[throws mud at the owner]''
:''[Lilo and Stitch then run out of the salon]''
:'''Salon Owner''': And stay out! 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch bring Clip home]''
:'''Jumba''': ''[screams]'' Keep that thing away from me!
:'''Lilo''': Cute little Clip?
:'''Jumba''': Is not cute! Is Experiment #177, and is very dangerous.
:'''Lilo''': She doesn't look dangerous.
:'''Jumba''': Ah, but looks can be deceiving. You see it was many years ago, when my head was overflowing with evil ideas...
:''[a flashback shows a younger Jumba with long black flowing hair]''
:'''Jumba''': ''[voice-over]'' ...and healthy luxuriant hair follicles. I had devised Experiment 177, the Uburnium Eater!
:''[flashback then shows a space-style gas station selling Uburnium]''
:'''Jumba''': Uburnium is the most powerful and economical fuel source in all of universe! My Ubernium Eater would spark an insurmountable fuel price! 
:''[the flashback shows the price sign for Uburnium go higher until it explodes]''
:'''Jumba''': Unfortunately, in the language of Kweltiquan, word for &quot;Uburnium&quot; is same as word for &quot;hair&quot;. I did not realize mistake until... too late! I had accidentally created Hair Eater!
:''[flashback then shows young Jumba activating 177 for the first time; Clip comes to life and immediately eats all of Jumba's hair; back to present]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Mertle Edmonds and the other hula girls exit the salon; Lilo hides the box Clip is in by sitting on it]''
:'''Mertle''': Hey, Weirdlo! I didn't know you got your hair cut here!
:'''Lilo''': I don't.
:'''Mertle''': Of course you don't. They never even let you in the door with that mess.
:'''Lilo''': I like my hair!
:'''Mertle''': You would! Maybe you should try this. ''[hands Lilo a bottle of hair conditioner]'' You'll need it more than I do.
:'''Lilo''': Wow! For me? &quot;Hair Conditioner: For Taming Wild Unruly Hair?!&quot; Hey!
:'''Mertle''': Don't be jealous. Not everyone can have perfect hair like me, especially not you.
:'''Yuki, Teresa, and Elena''': ''YYYYYEEEEEAAAAAHHHH!''
:''[the girls laugh as they leave]''
:'''Lilo''': Mertle needs to be punished.
:'''Stitch''': Yeah! Ih!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch sneak into Mertle's backyard dressed as cat burglars]''
:'''Lilo''': ''[imitates radio static]'' Black Cat to Mutant Dog. Black Cat to Mutant Dog. Come in, Mutant Dog. Stitch! That's you!
:'''Stitch''': Oh, me?
:'''Lilo''': When I say &quot;Black Cat&quot;, you're supposed to answer &quot;Mutant Dog&quot;. It's cat burglar code. Black Cat to...
:'''Stitch''': Mutant Dog.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Clip escapes from Gantu by boarding a bus]''
:'''Gantu''': ''[growls with rage]'' Hairball! I am Gantu! Former captain of the Galactic Alliance! Conqueror of Paskimerus Militia! AND VAN GUARD COMMANDER OF BLACK OOL OPS! '''YOU WILL NOT ESCAPE ME!!!!'''
:''[pause as three little kids stare at him in fright]''
:'''Gantu''': I mean, I... missed my bus.
:''[the kids run away screaming; then it begins to rain]''
:'''Gantu''': Oh, blitznak!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Pleakley puts a large rainbow Afro wig on Jumba]''
:'''Pleakley''': This spectral diffraction style is very popular on Earth, particularly of amid followers of team sports. There! What do you think?
:'''Jumba''': I look like large furry lollipop.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo, Stitch, and Jumba are talking to Mrs. Edmonds after startling her]''
:'''Lilo''': So you're not mad at us for scaring us like that?
:'''Mrs. Edmonds''': Oh, no! Actually it was kinda exhilarating, in a frightening I-don't-know-what's-going-on sort of way.
:'''Lilo''': I'm sorry about what happened to your hair.
:'''Mrs. Edmonds''': Don't be sorry. I love it. If you ever find that little furball you're looking for, I'm going to thank it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after Mrs. Edmonds calls Jumba handsome, making him happy, his hair suddenly grows back]''
:'''Mrs. Edmonds''': Wow! That what I call a spontaneous something or other!
:'''Jumba''': My hair! It has returned! &lt;big&gt; I... HAVE... '''HAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Lilo''': Inside voice, Uncle Jumba.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu dances in a hula concert; Hämsterviel calls]''
:'''Hämsterviel''': Gantu?! What is going on?! Gantu?! What's that music?!
:''[Gantu throws his phone into a nearby punch bowl]''
:'''Hämsterviel''': '''GAAAAAAANNNNTUUUUUUUUUUUh!!!!'''

== ''Mr. Stenchy (Experiment 254)'' [1.04] ==
:''[Gantu returns to his ship after failing to capture Experiment 254]''
:'''Hämsterviel''': Well, where is my stink bomb?!
:'''Gantu''': I'm afraid the little girl and the abomination...
:'''Hämsterviel''': Again?! You with your large stomping feet and shooting blaster can't get one experiment from a little girl?! Tell me how lame you are! TELL ME!!!
:'''625''': Whoa! Hmm, well, there's no right answer there. I'd put it somewhere in the S's between &quot;Shockingly lame&quot; and &quot;Stunningly lame&quot;.
:'''Gantu''': Please. I'm having a meeting.
:'''Hämsterviel''': Stop it with the not paying attention to me! Now get that experiment before I come there and nibble your flabby knuckles, you blue-tinted, offspring of a fish!
:'''Gantu''': Yessir!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Mertle and the girls walk by as Lilo and Stitch refuel their buggy]''
:'''Elena''': Hey, there's Lilo! Should we invite her too?
:'''Mertle''': Weirdlo? No way. Why would we want her to come?
:'''Lilo''': Hey, guys. Wanna see my new...
:'''Mertle''': No.
:'''Lilo''': I didn't even say what it was yet.
:'''Mertle''': The answer is still no.
:'''Lilo''': Okay. If you don't want to see the cutest thing ever.
:'''Mertle''': If you think bugs are cute, I bet whatever it is, it's ugly!
:'''Lilo''': Yeah, well, you're wrong! He's even cuter than a potato...
:'''Elena''': Cuter than a potato?
:''[Mertle and the girls turn their attention to 254; they run up to his container to get a closer look]''
:'''Elena''': Look at him! He ''is'' cuter than a potato!
:'''Yuki''': I want one!
:'''Lilo''': I knew you'd like him!
:'''Mertle''': Ahem! ''[the girls huddle up with Mertle and they whisper something to each other, and then turn to Lilo]'' You are formally invited to the FHGH tea party tomorrow.
:'''Lilo''': Really? &lt;big&gt;'''''YAAAAY!!'''''&lt;/big&gt; Um, what's that?
:'''Mertle''': It's stands for &quot;Future Hawaiian Girls of Hawaii&quot;. But you can only come if you bring him.
:'''Lilo''': Okay!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch take 254 to their house]''
:'''Jumba''': Yes, 254 is designed to be irresistible.
:''[254 gives a record to Stitch; Stitch angrily grabs the record and places 254 on it and makes it spin on Lilo's record player]''
:'''Jumba''': Of course, other experiments are immune to his charms.
:'''Pleakley''': ''[picks up 254]'' Well, I think he's absolutely precious, not at all like the little monster.
:''[Stitch growls with rage]''
:'''Jumba''': ''[takes 254]'' Uh, is best not being attached. It may look harmless, but in reality, is a ticking stink bomb.
:'''Lilo''': Stink bomb? This little guy?
:'''Jumba''': Very soon, it will emit odor so noxious, will make 40 square mile area uninhabitable for decades! ''[laughs maniacally]'' But yes, is cute as garment fastener.
:'''Pleakley''': But he smells okay now.
:'''Jumba''': 254 is programmed to start his stinking 42 hours after activation to allow to time to infiltrate target. Problem is we have no way of knowing when he was activated.
:''[Stitch angrily has 254 tied up]''
:'''Pleakley''': Is the smell really that bad?
:'''Jumba''': ''[chuckles]'' Trust me. He'll have you losing many lunches with disgusting stench!
:'''Lilo''': ''[unties 254]'' Well, that's what I'm naming him: Mr. Stenchy! And I don't care how much he reeks. I'm keeping him.
:''[Stitch, shocked and angered by Lilo's words, screams into a pillow]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch pins down Gantu and aims his own laser gun at him]''
:'''Stitch''': Nala kweesta! Ha-ha!
:'''Gantu''': One day, you'll fail to protect one of those experiments! And I will take it away forever!
:'''Stitch's Shoulder Devil''': Ichiba!
:'''Stitch's Other Shoulder Devil''': Ih! Ih! Keeba! ''[the both vanish]''
:'''Stitch''': ''[chuckles sinisterly]'' La-dee-da-dee! ''[tosses Gantu's gun]'' Oopsie!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[After Gantu explains to Lilo how Stitch locked Mr. Stenchy in the pantry...]''
:'''Lilo''': ''[to Stitch]'' You mean... You did?
:'''Stitch''': ''[remorseful]'' Uh-huh.
:'''Lilo''': But why? Were you jealous of Mr. Stenchy?
:'''Stitch''': Ehh. ''(Translation: &quot;Yes.&quot;)''
:'''Lilo''': Okay, I'll forgive you for locking Mr. Stenchy in the pantry if you forgive me for letting him hog all the love. I mean, jealousy stinks, but we're still friends.
:'''Stitch''': ''[after a moment]'' ''[accepting]'' Okay.

== ''Holio (Experiment 606)'' [1.05] ==

:'''Lilo''': Stupid ball.
:'''Officer Kahiko''': It's only Lilo and her dog.
:'''Leilani''': ''[annoyed]'' Ugh! Lilo again?! You should do something about that ''kalohe.''
:'''Officer Kahiko''': Like, put her in the big house?
:'''Leilani''': Would do her some good. That dog, too!
:'''Mrs. Edmonds''': Excuse me! Hi. I'm looking for something for my daughter. It's her birthday tomorrow.
:'''Leilani''': How 'bout this? ''[holds out a gold bracelet]'' I just made it yesterday, one of my best. ''[unaware with Experiment 606's pod on it as a charm]''
:'''Mrs. Edmonds''': Oh, it's perfect!
:'''Officer Kahiko''': How's it, Lilo?
:'''Lilo''': Oh, Officer Kahiko. I know the drill: I have the right to remain silent. Whatever I say...
:'''Officer Kahiko''': Very funny. ''[notices Lilo's football made of seaweed]'' What you got there?
:'''Lilo''': Football. We're on a budget.
:'''Officer Kahiko''': Lilo, I know you were just playing, but your dog wrecked Leilani's jewelry table. Auntie's on a fixed income. She don't need you causing trouble. Does your sister know you're here?
:'''Lilo''': Uh, no. But I'll tell her when I get home, okay?
:'''Officer Kahiko''': No worries. I got her on speed dial. ''[pulls out his phone]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Pleakley is doing yoga]''
:'''Jumba''': What are you doing?
:'''Pleakley''': Yoga, an ancient Earth discipline that's wonderful exercise for both body and mind. You should try it instead of stuffing yourself with all that flesh-based food.
:'''Jumba''': Hey, I am liking flesh-based food!
:'''Pleakley''': Suit yourself. But since I stopped eating anything with a face, I feel cleansed and rejuvenated.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:'''Mertle''': Everybody, I have an announcement to make. ''[clears throat]'' Ahem. Tomorrow is the most important day of the year: my birthday! I'm having a super special birthday party! ''[gives out birthday invitations only to Yuki, Teresa, and Elena]'' Oh, look. No more invitations.
:'''Lilo''': Well, that's okay. I wouldn't wanna come to your party anyway. Not with... that thing out there!
:'''Elena''': What thing?
:'''Lilo''': You mean to tell me that you've never heard of the... um... ''[notices a gecko]'' Geckoliki?
:'''Elena''': No!
:'''Teresa''': Uh-uh!
:'''Yuki''': What is it?
:'''Lilo''': It's an ugly horrible creature, whose soul purpose is to devour birthday cake and partygoers with its bloody fangs!
:'''Mertle''': That's the stupidest thing I ever heard! And just for that, you're even more not invited now! Come on, girls! ''[she and the other girls leave]''
:'''Lilo''': Alright, but you'll be sorry! The Geckoliki is hungry for blood! AND FROSTING!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:'''Lilo''': As soon as I put on this costume, it's hello, Geckoliki, and goodbye party. Now hold still, ok? ''[Stitch gets under her as they dress up as the Geckoliki; spookily]'' Ooh! I am the Geckoliki! Surrender now or face my slimy wrath!
:'''Teresa''': The Geckoliki!
:''[Mertle and her friends scream in terror and run for it]''
:'''Stitch''': ''[peeks through the fence hole and spots a plate of coconut cupcakes on the table]'' Ooh! Coconut cupcake! ''[bursts through the fence]''
:'''Lilo''': Stitch, no! ''[falls off of Stitch and lands in the pool]''
:''[The girls watch from the bushes, seeing Stitch scarfing down the cupcakes, still in the Geckoliki costume]''
:'''Teresa''': The Geckoliki is after our blood! And frosting!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[After Nani bring Lilo and Stitch both back home from &quot;crashing&quot; Mertle's birthday party]''
:'''Lilo''': I'm telling you, there's an experiment pod on Mertle Edmonds' new bracelet that she got for her birthday.
:'''Jumba''': Did you see number?
:'''Lilo''': That's what I was trying to do when Mrs. Edmonds dragged me off Mertle.
:''[Pleakley can be heard chanting before Nani and Jumba see him with his body twisted]''
:'''Pleakley''': Oh, hello, fellow spirit beings. I hope my chanting wasn't bothering you.
:'''Nani''': Pleakley, are you alright?
:'''Pleakley''': Hmm? Oh, I'm incredible. Really, truly. It's so amazing. Yes, at first I was in excruciating pain, but it was all part of the process. Once I transcended that, I realized that the pain was just an illusion.
:'''Jumba''': You have got to be kidding me! ''[grabs Pleakley and stretches his legs]'' Pain is only illusion! Ha!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Stitch goes into the pet shop, alone, disguised as a bunny, to see the number on the experiment pod on Mertle's bracelet as she and her friends enter while Lilo hides in the backseat of a police car to try and stay out of trouble]''
:'''Stitch''': ''[through walkie-talkie] Experiment 606.''
:'''Lilo''': ''[opens up Jumba's computer and searches up Experiment 606; horrified]'' Oh, no. ''[on walkie-talkie]'' Stitch. Come in, Stitch! Experiment 606 is a black hole that will suck in the ''whole'' world!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Lilo''': ''[shouting out to Mertle in warning about not getting the experiment pod wet as Nani drags her away]'' Don't get it wet! It'll destroy everything!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Pleakley is still doing yoga while Jumba is eating a pastrami sandwich]''
:'''Pleakley''': Do you mind? I'm trying to become one with the universe.
:'''Jumba''': And I am trying to become one with pastrami sandwich!
:'''Lilo''': Mertle Edmonds has activated Experiment 606!
:'''Jumba''': Oh, whee! I was hoping she would try!
:'''Lilo''': Now, it's gonna suck the whole universe to a big black hole!
:'''Pleakley''': You say, &quot;black hole&quot;?
:'''Lilo''': Yep.
:'''Pleakley''': ''[suddenly panics]'' THERE'S NO ESCAPE FROM AN ASTRONOMICAL EVENT LIKE THAT!! To think, the universe is ending, and all I was worried about was eternal wisdom?! If this is my last day on Earth, I'm eating pastrami! ''[grabs Jumba's sandwich and eats it]''

== ''Spooky (Experiment 300)'' [1.06: Halloween Special]==

:''[Lilo arrives at the Halloween party dressed up as a dead hula girl with scary makeup and a fake axe on her head, frightening all the other guests]''
:'''Moses''': Lilo, your costume…
:'''Lilo''': Isn't it cool? Watch this! ''[twangs her axe handle]''
:'''Moses''': Yes, but… Well, maybe you should change it to something more like... like what your friends are wearing. ''[gestures to Mertle and the girls; who are all dressed up like princesses]''
:'''Lilo''': Princess, princess, princess, or princess?
:'''Mertle''': At least we're not a weirdo, weirdo, weirdo, or ''weirdo''!
:'''Yuki, Teresa and Elena''': ''YYYYEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH!!''
:'''Lilo''': Okay. I'll be a princess, too.
:'''Moses''': Good idea. ''[as Lilo leaves]'' You go home, change, and then come back.
:'''Mertle''': Or go home, change, and ''don't'' come back!
:''[Moses sighs]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Jumba is dressed up as [[w:Julius Caesar|Julius Caesar]]]''
:'''Jumba''': I am absolutely refusing to be wearing this! It's too itchy! ''[he scratches so rigorously that his belly soon comes through]'' And that is least of problems!
:'''Pleakley''': ''[Dressed as [[w:Cleopatra|Cleopatra]]]'' But you have to wear it! The Queen of the Nile demands it! Besides, I am not missing out on trick-or-treating on my first night of Heelowatty!
:'''Lilo''': It's pronounced &quot;Halloween&quot;. I need a new costume: a princess. Can you make it quick?
:'''Pleakley''': Can I? Well, let me tell you I have the fastest fingers in my primitive Earth custom: fleeced and pinking shears class.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Stitch has been scared stiff after Experiment 300 turned into his worst fear: water; Lilo appears and the water drains into the ventilation shaft]''
:'''Lilo''': Stitch, what happened?
:'''Stitch''': Hissing green eyes! Hissing green eyes! Hissing green eyes!
:'''Lilo''': You're not scared, are you?
:'''Stitch''': ''[pause]'' Naga!
:'''Lilo''': Elena said something about hissing green eyes, too.
:''[Stitch shudders in fright]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Jumba and Pleakley are dressed as the main characters of [[w:Gone with the Wind|Gone with the Wind]]]''
:'''Pleakley''': I do declare, we look simply marvelous! Don't we look marvelous? I think we do!
:'''Jumba''': Frankly, my dear, I am not giving darn. I hate this costume!
:'''Pleakley''': Fine, I'll just start over then! A whole new concept! I'm thinking... sequins, satin, Spain! I got it! Matador! Ole!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Experiment 300 shows up at the Pelekai house, as Nani's worst fear: Cobra Bubbles, wanting to take Lilo away from her]''
:'''Nani''': You can't take her away from me! She needs me! I thought we worked this out.
:'''Cobra''': ''[as Lilo and Stitch return home]'' I'm… s-s-s-s-sorry.
:''[Lilo sees &quot;Cobra&quot;, throws her fake axe at him, knocking off his sunglasses, with green eyes, then charges at him and grabs him by the ankle]''
:'''Nani''': Lilo!
:'''Jumba''': ''[hearing the crashing sound]'' What is that?
:'''Nani''': Lilo, no! Have you gone ''lolo?!'' Lilo! ''[screams in horror as &quot;Cobra&quot; morphs back into Experiment 300]'' Who… ''what'' is that?!
:'''Lilo''': Experiment 300! But I'm calling him, Spooky!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Spooky turns into Pleakley's worst fear: his mother]''
:'''Pleakley's Mother''': Pleakley, is that you?! ''[stepping out of the shadows]'' How come you never call?!
:'''Pleakley''': MOTHER!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Spooky, as Pleakley's mother, scolds Pleakley as he sobs]''
:'''Pleakley's Mother''': I give you the best years of my life, and this is the thanks I get?!
:'''Jumba''': Oh, no! Is Pleakley's worst fear. ''[Spooky then turns into his worst fear: his ex-wife]'' Ahhh! Is my worst fear: ex-wife!
:'''Jumba's Ex-Wife''': When are you getting a real job?! Is like you never help around house!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Lilo, Stitch and Spooky are giving treats to trick-or-treaters]''
:'''Nani''': Lilo, what's going on here?
:'''Lilo''': Halloween. Watch.
:''[One kid gets ready for candy and Spooky turns into his worst fear: a giant python]''
:'''Kid''': Ah-ha-ha! I hate snakes!
:'''Stitch''': Taka! ''[gives the kid a handful of candy]''
:'''Kid''': Man, this is the coolest house in the whole neighborhood!
:'''Lilo''': ''[to Spooky]'' Yeah, I'll know you around Haunted House, where you will fit in just fine.

== ''Cannonball (Experiment 520)'' [1.07] ==

:'''Hämsterviel''': Contact Gantu.
:'''Gantu''': Yes, Dr. Hämsterviel?
:'''Hämsterviel''': Explain to me, you overgrown sea bass, why mechanic hamster on cam holds no evil genetic experiments?
:'''Gantu''': There haven't been any experiments activated recently…
:'''Computer''': ''Warning: Experiment 520 activated.''
:'''Gantu''': ...until now.
:'''Hämsterviel''': Mmm-hmm, and, uh, what are you waiting for? '''''GET IT AND SEND IT TO ME!!!'''''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Lilo and Stitch are drawing ideas for the upcoming Aloha Sand-Sculpting Contest]''
:'''Lilo''': How are your Aloha designs coming, Stitch?
:'''Stitch''': ''[shows her a drawing of Mertle being zapped by a UFO]'' Eebah. ''[shows another drawing of Mertle being chased by a dinosaur]'' Zeebah. ''[shows one more drawing of Mertle being chased by the Grim Reaper]'' Keebah!
:'''Lilo''': ''[chuckles]'' Stitch, that's mean. Moses is right. We ''don't'' know what ''aloha'' means.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[David and Nani take Lilo to the Birds of Paradise Pool]''
:'''David''': Don't worry. I know how to cheer a sad Lilo.
:'''Nani''': But, David, the pool at Birds of Paradise is for hotels guests only! There are, like, ten signs!
:'''David''': Relax, Nani. I was here yesterday, and I figured out their system: All the hotel guests have special blue towels, and so do we.
:''[scene cuts to them relaxing by the pool]''
:'''David''': See? Instant vacation!
:'''Lilo''': Come on, Stitch! Photo safari! ''[they both leave to take pictures of the tourists]''
:'''Nani''': Are you sure this is okay?
:'''David''': Relax. Lilo and I sneak in here all the time.
:'''Nani''': You ''what?!''
:'''David''': Just chill out and enjoy your... ''[Mr. Jameson appears]'' Uh, honeymoon! Sweetheart! ''[hugs Nani]''
:'''Mr. Jameson''': Hello, sir, ma'am. Are you guests here?
:'''David''': Uh, yeah!
:'''Mr. Jameson''': And what's your room number?
:'''Nani''': 257!
:'''David''': 319!
:''[they both look at each other]''
:'''David''': 257!
:'''Nani''': 319! Uh, 257!
:'''Mr. Jameson''': Mmm-hmm. Well, we don't have a Room 319,257! And besides, today is ''red'' towel day, not blue!
:'''David''': ''[chuckles nervously as Nani glares at him]'' Busted.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Nani arrives home while Pleakley mops the kitchen floor]''
:'''Nani''': Where's Lilo? Is she here?
:'''Pleakley''': No, but a freshly mopped floor was here! Apparently, it just left!
:''[Lilo and Stitch arrive]''
:'''Nani''': Lilo! Are you alright?
:'''Lilo''': I'm fine! But Stitch and me need to borrow your car!
:'''Nani''': My car? Are you lolo?! 
:'''Lilo''': Stitch could drive!
:'''Nani''': He doesn't have a license!
:'''Stitch''': ''[pulls out his collar and license]'' Chuwapa!
:'''Nani''': Sorry. We only have one working car, and I need it for work!
:'''Lilo''': But there's an experiment loose!
:'''Nani''': It can find its own ride! I have to get to the rental hut. Business is way off, and old man Juan is getting grouchy.
:'''Lilo''': But--
:'''Nani''': I'll be home after work! ''[leaves]''
:'''Jumba''': Uh, little girl, is my hearing correct? One of my precious creations is running about free?
:'''Lilo''': Yeah. It likes water and it has a really big butt. ''[opens the doggy door]'' ''JUST LIKE MY SISTER!!''
:'''Nani''': Hey!
:'''Jumba''': Experiment that is liking water and having large posterior. Ah! That would be 520! ''[chuckles]'' I was true evilling genius that day. 520 turns any body of water into giant destructive wave!
:'''Lilo''': It keeps trying to get to the ocean.
:'''Jumba''': That I'd like to be seeing! Would make wave so big, whole planet will be destructed! ''[laughs maniacally until he notices Lilo glaring at him]'' Oh, it would be bad thing, yes?
:'''Lilo''': Hello?! Just think of all the jellyfish! No jellyfish, no jelly, no PB&amp;J! 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Gantu hops back to his ship after Stitch immobilized him with life preservers]''
:'''Gantu''': 625! ''[hops into the main room but fall over]''
:'''625''': Whoa! Rough day? Whoo! You look like last week's lettuce!
:'''Gantu''': Get a blaster! Hurry!
:'''625''': ''[grabs a blaster]'' Okay, now what?
:'''Gantu''': Cut me free, you insipid trog!
:'''625''': You're in luck, fish breath. I took a class in advanced applied blasting. ''[fires the blaster]''
:'''Gantu''': Hey!
:'''625''': Oops! ''[fires the blaster again]''
:'''Gantu''': Careful!
:'''625''': Sorry! ''[fires the blaster once more]''
:'''Gantu''': Ow!
:'''625''': Stop squirming!
:'''Gantu''': Ooh!
:'''625''': My bad.
:'''Gantu''': You almost vaporized me!
:'''625''': Oh, yeah? That's what my teacher used to say!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[After 520 creates a giant wave to wash away Gantu]''
:'''Lilo''': I'm gonna name you, Cannonball, because you like to make waves.
:'''Cannonball''': Nagachu!
:'''Moses''': Congratulations, Lilo! ''[places the first place ribbon on Lilo's sand sculpture]'' Mertle's design is good, too, but you showed more aloha today. ''[gestures to the giant &quot;ALOHA&quot; signature on the tower]''
:'''Lilo''': Awesome!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Gantu wakes up after being washed away by Cannonball]''
:'''Gantu''': Huh?! [[w:San Francisco|San Francisco]]?! Oh, dumb blitznak!

== ''Yapper (Experiment 007 a.k.a. Gigi)'' [1.08] ==
:''[Lilo goes through a shopping list while Stitch carries the groceries]''
:'''Lilo''': That's it: Eggs, bread, peanut butter... Didn't we buy this stuff two days ago?
:'''Stitch''': ''[eats the whole grocery bag]'' Kinjiju ichay!
:'''Lilo''': Oh, right. You ate everything.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch goes crazy after eating a whole barrel full of [[w:Kona Coffee|Kona coffee beans]] and chugs down water from a fire hydrant]''
:'''Mertle''': Looks like your weird dog needs to go to obedient school.
:'''Yuki, Teresa and Elena''': ''YYYYEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!''
:'''Lilo''': Stitch ''is'' obedient! He just has a problem with coffee. Stitch! Shut it off!
:''[Stitch twists the hydrant and puts the valve back on]''
:'''Lilo''': ''[notices Mertle's new [[w:Shih-Tzu|Shih-Tzu]]]'' You have a dog?
:'''Mertle''': We prefer the term, &quot;fur-person&quot;. I found her. Her name is Gigi. She's going to the National Junior Dog Show in Honolulu this weekend.
:''[As Stitch goes near Gigi, she yaps loudly at him]''
:'''Stitch''': Hmmm...
:'''Mertle''': But ''you'' wouldn't know anything about dog shows!
:'''Lilo''': I know ''everything'' about dog shows!
:''[a chomp is heard and Lilo sees that Stitch has swallowed Gigi alive; Mertle screams]''
:'''Lilo''': Stitch! ''[pulls Gigi out of Stitch's mouth and gives her back to Mertle]'' Sorry. It's the coffee.
:'''Mertle''': ''[gasps]'' Gigi's clauffeur! ''[Lilo pull's Gigi's bow out of Stitch's mouth]'' Found it! ''[puts the bow back on Gigi]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Jumba and Pleakley agrees to take Lilo to Honolulu to enter in the dog show]''
:'''Nani''': You promise to watch her?
:'''Jumba''': As if she were precious treasure. Crossing my heart.
:'''Pleakley''': And I will make sure she brushes her teeth and wears her seatbelt and never talks to rangers!
:'''Nani''': Strangers!
:'''Pleakley''': No strangers? But some of the most interesting people to talk to are stran... ''[Nani glares at him angrily]'' Right! No strangers!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu gears up to capture another experiment]''
:'''625''': Hey, going out to capture a useless experiment, huh?
:'''Gantu''': Useless, perhaps, but this one should be easy.
:'''625''': Yeah, right, halibut head! That's what you said about the other two or three dozen!
:'''Gantu''': Ah, but I have a new strategy: Since the little girl and the abomination always seem one step ahead of me, I'll simply follow them! ''[laughs but then hears thunder]'' Ah, thundershower! Hmm, maybe Hämsterviel doesn't need this experiment. He's in jail anyway. How would he find out if...
:'''625''': ''[talking to Hämsterviel]'' That's exactly what he said, sir: &quot;Maybe Hämsterviel doesn't ''need'' this experiment!&quot; ''[Gantu angrily glares at 625]'' Don't forget your umbrella!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after the gang land in Honolulu, courtesy of Pleakley's 28 credit cards]''
:'''Pleakley''': At last, the big city.
:''[Stitch runs up to a view of Honolulu and laughs maniacally]''
:'''Lilo''': I know you always wanted to see a big city.
:'''Jumba''': ''See'' big cities? 626 programmed to ''destroy'' big cities!
:'''Lilo''': But he won't, because he wants to be good and help me win the dog show and show Mertle we're ''not riffraff!'' Right, Stitch?
:'''Stitch''': ''[reluctantly]'' Mmm-hmm.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Registration Lady''': Dog's name?
:'''Lilo''': Stitch.
:'''Registration Lady''': And what exactly is your dog's breed, dear?
:'''Lilo''': Blue-furred Extoplasmic Detection Dog. Ancient Egyptians used them to contact their mummy relatives in the underworld.
:'''Registration Lady''': I don't see any...
:'''Lilo''': He's very rare. Probably the last of his breed. Only the top dog people really know about them.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo wakes up]''
:'''Lilo''': It's 6:30! We overslept! Stitch, wake up! ''[pulls out the blanket to see Stitch gone]'' Oh, no! He went out to destroy the city!
:'''Jumba''': Ooh! I always wanted to witness that!
:''[they suddenly look behind them to see Stitch has actually left to grab some ice cubes]''
:'''Stitch''': Egata?
:'''Lilo''': Oh, I thought... Never mind.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu captures Gigi]''
:'''Mertle''': My Gigi!
:'''Jumba''': My experiment!
:'''Pleakley''': Your what?!
:'''Jumba''': Experiment 007! Did not to recognize after so many grooming and watch ribbons!
:'''Lilo''': Gigi... is an experiment?!
:'''Jumba''': Sure! Very early project. Can lie down, sit, fetch, annoy neighbors with evil shrill bark.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo, Stitch, Jumba, and Pleakley have returned home; Pleakley counts the beauty products he got from Honolulu]''
:'''Pleakley''': Soaps, shampoos, bathrobe, love it! It's just like being there! 
:'''Nani''': ''[appears with a ton of mail]'' All the mail is for you, Pleakley. Looks like it's all bills.
:'''Pleakley''': Bills? What are bills?
:'''Nani''': Bills are what you ''owe'' when you charge on your 28 credit cards!
:'''Pleakley''': Owe? As in money? Nobody asked for any money. ''[looks at a bill]'' Oh, my goodness! Is that a balance due or an intergalactic zip code?! How can they do this to me?! I'm not even a citizen!

== ''Yin-Yang (Experiments 501 &amp; 502 a.k.a. Yin and Yang)'' [1.09] ==
:''[Gantu gets out of his shower to find that Experiments 501 and 502 have both activated at the same time]'' 
:'''Gantu''': By the luck of the Fubockoo Nebula! Two experiments at the same time! Do you realize what this means?! Dr. Hämsterviel will pay a double bounty on delivery! ''[625 is sitting in his chair, reading a book]'' Eh, 625? ''[no response, Gantu removes the book to see that 625 is really fast asleep]'' '''625!!'''
:'''625''': ''[wakes up to see Gantu in a towel]'' Ooh, yow! Not what I like to see when I first wake up! ''[gets up to leave]''
:'''Gantu''': ''[blocks the way out]'' I've been thinking...
:'''625''': Ooh, careful! Don't hurt yourself using all that brain power!
:'''Gantu''': It's time you started pulling your weight around here. You're going to help me capture those experiments!
:'''625''': Y'know what, babe, I would love to, but I can't. It'd cut in to my sandwich schedule.
:'''Gantu''': ''[grabs 625 and gets ready to punch him]'' Add this to you schedule: A ''knuckle'' sandwich!
:'''625''': Just lost my appetite! Fine, I'll go! ''[Gantu drops him]'' Whoa! Hold on, brainiac! Don't you think it'd be better if we split up and each went after ''one'' experiment?
:'''Gantu''': What? I'd just leave you alone to goof off?!
:'''625''': If Wittle Gantu needs me to hold his hand and go witch him, I will!
:'''Gantu''': Fine! We'll each catch our own!
:'''625''': Good! I'll just pack some sandwiches.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch get into an argument after failing to wax David's board while David was trying to teach them about [[w:Yin and Yang|Yin and Yang]]]''
:'''Lilo''': I don't know what David was talking about. I could've waxed that board without you!
:'''Stitch''': Naga tay!
:'''Lilo''': Could too! Because I'm smarter!
:'''Stitch''': Hmph! Wa naga tikiday!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch fail to capture 501 and 502]''
:'''Lilo''': You had him, alright! Tied up his arms like a pretzel! It was hurting him, you big bully!
:'''Stitch''': Nugishaw!
:'''Lilo''': It was ''not'' my fault!
:'''Stitch''': Nugishaw!
:'''Lilo''': Was not!
:'''Stitch''': Nugishaw!
:'''Lilo''': '''WAS NOT!!'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Jumba explains 501 and 502 to Lilo and Stitch]''
:'''Jumba''': Is very important 501 and 502 do ''not'' come in contact.
:'''Lilo''': Why?
:'''Jumba''': If they were to touch, could be cataclysmic disaster of epic proportions!
:'''Lilo''': Why? 
:'''Jumba''': Because of massive release of quantum energy! 501 plus 502 equal one big boom!
:'''Pleakley''': What is it with you and the big booms and the evil and the destruction? Why didn't you create an experiment to do something constructive, like, say, oh, I don't know, IRONING?!
:'''Jumba''': I am genius only! Not miracle worker.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch challenge each other that they can capture the experiments without the other]''
:'''Jumba''': 626 accepts little girl's challenge. Of course, genetically superior 626 will easily catches target before little girl.
:'''Pleakley''': Pshaw! He's nothing without Lilo! She has Earth brains, Earth instinct. He's just a monster!
:'''Jumba''': Perhaps willing to make a wager?
:'''Pleakley''': Willing?! I am ''dying'' to! But galactic waging rules requires stakes.
:'''Jumba''': ''[chuckles]'' Stakes are best part. Let's see. Ha! Loser of bet must perform dreaded Gloknar Ceremony Dance!
:'''Pleakley''': ''[gasps]'' The thunky Gloknar?! The Witless Dance of 1,000 hours!
:'''Jumba''': Is one-eye scared like &quot;bok-bok&quot; Earth fowl that crosses road?
:'''Pleakley''': Not this one-eye, Senor Four-Eye!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu falls into a 625's sandwich trap as Lilo, Stitch, Jumba, and Pleakley spy on them]''
:'''Gantu''': Did you hear that?! Those experiments have escaped again, thanks to you!
:'''Lilo''': Oh, no!
:'''625''': Oh, that is so pathetic that you have to blame for your screwup! Hmph!
:'''Gantu''': If we had worked together in the first place, like I said, we wouldn't be in this mess!
:''[Lilo and Stitch realize the error of their ways after hearing this]''
:'''Lilo''': The big dummy is right, Stitch. 
:'''Stitch''': Ih.
:'''Lilo''': Maybe if we worked together...
:'''Jumba''': Never mind making up! First, be finding 501 and 502 and making certain they do not make with the touching or tapping or patting!
:'''Lilo''': Why do you keep saying that?
:'''Jumba''': If I'm telling once, I'm telling more than once! Lava genius experiment and water genius experiment must not touch!
:'''Lilo''': Wait a minute, that's not what David said.
:'''Jumba''': And what does local surfer boy know of this?!
:'''Lilo''': Maybe it's what he was trying to tell us about Yin and Yang: two very different things come together to make on good thing. Like peanut butter and jelly. Or doughnuts and mustard.
:'''Stitch''': Stitch and Lilo?
:'''Lilo''': Yeah.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch work together to capture Yin and Yang and shake hands at the end]''
:'''Pleakley''': Aha! Lilo's clever plan worked! I win!
:'''Jumba''': No, no, no! It was 626's strength and agility that captured experiments. ''I'' am winning!
:'''Lilo''': Nope! We caught'em at the exact same time together. Right, Stitch?
:'''Stitch''': Ih, ih!
:'''Jumba''': Which means we tied! Yeah-- Oh! No, is not good.
:'''Pleakley''': Intergalactic wagering rules states in the events of a tie, ''both'' parties must pay the bet! ''[sobs]'' We both lose!

== ''Kixx (Experiment 601)'' [1.10] ==
:''[Lilo falls over while trying to skateboard without following Keoni's advice]''
:'''Keoni''': Crazy bale! Are you alright?
:'''Lilo''': Skateboarding is stupid.
:'''Keoni''': Hey, no pain, no gain. You can't expect to learn it all in one try.
:'''Lilo''': I tried twice! 
:'''Keoni''': This time, I'll teach you how to stop.
:'''Lilo''': I know how to stop. I'm stopping skateboarding. ''[takes off the helmet and gives it to Keoni]'' Let's go, Stitch.
:''[Stitch gives Keoni his backpack, which is empty after he ate Keoni's shoes and macadamia nuts, and then leaves with Lilo]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Jumba''': Ah, yes! That's 601. Oh, he's trouble. Is big bully. Sole purpose is to pick fights. Will defeat anyone except, maybe, 626.
:'''Lilo''': No experiment can beat Stitch. Stitch is undefeatable! Right, Stitch?
:'''Stitch''': ''[standing on the ceiling]'' Ih. ''[grumbles and then falls off the ceiling]''
:'''Lilo''': Come on, we've got to catch 601, and you're driving!
:'''Stitch''': Ih!
:''[scene cuts to Stitch driving the buggy in reverse]''
:'''Lilo''': You really aren't yourself today, are you?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Jumba diagnoses Stitch to see what is wrong with him]''
:'''Jumba''': I have diagnosis!
:'''Lilo''': What is it?
:'''Jumba''': He ate macadamia nut.
:'''Pleakley''': That's it?
:'''Lilo''': Is that bad?
:'''Jumba''': Normally, macadamia nut is delicious snack. But data indicates he also ate tennis shoe.
:'''Lilo''': A left one, but he spit it up!
:'''Jumba''': Not soon enough. Combination of metolayic acid found in macadamia nut oil and tennis shoe rubber created same chemical compound as Crezonyte.
:'''Pleakley''': Crezonyte?! Ugh! Ew! It's toxic stuff! It ruins your complexion! Ruined mine anyway!
:'''Lilo''': So... what did that stuff do to Stitch?
:'''Jumba''': Caused system to shut down. He is like computer creation. Wipe out all training memory. 626's superpowers go super-kaput!
:'''Lilo''': How will he defeat 601 if he can't remember how to fight?
:'''Jumba''': ''[sighs]'' We'll have to retrain from scratch.
:'''Lilo''': You did once. You can do it again, right?
:'''Jumba''': Wrong. Last time training gave slipped disk.
:'''Lilo''': So who's gonna retrain Stitch? Me?
:'''Jumba''': Excellent idea! ''[drops a stack of books near Lilo]'' Here are training manuals, must be trained in agility, hand-by coordination, and strength. Wishing you for good luck.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch is almost done with his training]''
:'''TV Reporter''': This just in: The purple pugilist pig was just seen running down Pier 13. It appears he's headed for Muscle Bay.
:'''Stitch''': ''[snarls]'' Ogata! Ogata!
:'''Lilo''': Almost, but not yet. We've got one more training manual to go: &quot;Fighting Four-Armed Beasts&quot;.
:'''Stitch''': Stitch ready!
:'''Lilo''': Don't you think this might come in handy?
:'''Stitch''': Carachita! ''[runs off to challenge Kixx]''
:'''Lilo''': Stitch, no! You're gonna get your keister kicked! '''STITCH!!!'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu has a broken leg after being defeated by Kixx]''
:'''Gantu''': How could it beat me?! I'm an expert at 12 martial arts! Judo, Glaxian Jiu-Jitsu!
:'''625''': You're lying! The only martial you know is Tae-kwan-get-your-butt-kicked!
:'''Gantu''': I will not be made a fool of!
:'''625''': Too late!
:'''Gantu''': I will capture you...

== ''Splodyhead (Experiment 619)'' [1.11] ==
:''[Lilo and Stitch lost an experiment pod to a seagull who flew off to [[w:Ni'ihau|Ni'ihau]]; Lilo and Stitch ride around the rental hunt on their tricycle]''
:'''Lilo''': Aloha, Nani! Going to Ni'ihau! Bye!
:'''Nani''': Lilo!
:'''Lilo''': ''[whispers to herself]'' Almost made it. 
:'''Nani''': You are not crossing 15 miles of open ocean alone.
:'''Lilo''': But I'll have Stitch with me.
:'''Nani''': Stitch sinks, remember?
:'''Lilo''': Then why don't you come?
:'''Nani''': I can't. I told David I'd help out at the resort luau, setting tables and lighting tiki torches.
:'''Lilo''': But this is an epic showdown. You see, although I believe all creatures have some good in them, Stitch thinks Gantu is pure evil. So, he ''really'' wants to get this experiment pod we're after.
:'''Stitch''': Ih! ''[pedals hardly on the trike]''
:'''Lilo''': No, Stitch! Wait!
:'''Stitch''': ''[pedals so hard that part of the trike becomes buried in sand]'' Spabata! 
:'''Nani''': ''[sighs]'' Alright. You can go, but house rules apply.
:'''Lilo''': I know: take Jumba and Pleakley and be home for dinner! Thanks! And good luck with your bit torch-lighting gig!
:'''Nani''': And good luck fighting evil! What am I saying?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch takes his duty to find the experiment very seriously as he looks around the rocks]''
:'''Stitch''': Maka maka! Egata!
:'''Lilo''': What's your hurry?
:'''Stitch''': Meega kweesta Gantu!
:'''Lilo''': We're not after Big, Tall, and Ugly. Let's just concentrate on getting the pod before he does, okay?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu returns to his ship after looking around the island while 625 relaxes nearby]''
:'''625''': Hey, I see you caught an experiment!
:'''Gantu''': What?! Where?!
:'''625''': Gotcha! ''[laughs]'' Ah, you're way too easy, G! So, did ya find anything?
:'''Gantu''': Only ocean and a wall of rock. The trog probably got to the experiment first!
:'''625''': ''[hears a zap sound]'' Hey, is that the experiment?
:'''Gantu''': Ha, ha, very funny.
:'''625''': No, no, no! I mean it! ''[ducks behind a rock]''
:'''Gantu''': I'm not falling for it!
:''[Suddenly, a giant plasma shot explodes near Gantu and he is blasted to where 625 is hiding]''
:'''Gantu''': You weren't kidding.
:'''625''': Figured it out by yourself, did ya, fish flanks?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo, Stitch, Jumba, Pleakley, Gantu, and 625 are stranded on the island due to Splodyhead]''
:'''Lilo''': Okay, things are not working out like we planned, but they could be worse.
:'''Pleakley''': Worse than being trapped under this rock and stranded on this accursed island?!
:'''625''': Without food and water?!
:'''Jumba''': Don't forget, 619 is waiting to blast us to pieces.
:'''Gantu''': And the sun is going down.
:'''Lilo''': Well... We could have the mumps.
:''[everyone stares at Lilo in disbelief]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Nani returns home with groceries]''
:'''Nani''': Lilo? Anybody? ''[the phone rings; she picks it up]'' Lilo?
:'''David''': Nani? It's David. You still coming by to help set up the luau?
:'''Nani''': ''[sighs]'' Lilo went to Ni'ihau with the aliens. She was supposed to be home by now, but, of course, she isn't, so....
:'''David''': Rescue mission?
:'''Nani''': Bingo.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after Jumba tells Lilo that Splodyhead plans to pick the group off one by one]''
:'''Pleakley''': ''[draws an eye on a coconut]'' One by one? Marking us each for a fiery demise, 'till one of use is left all alone. It really will be me! Right, Coco? Coco here was raised on the Forbidden Isle, and knows the secrets of its evil curse!
:'''Jumba''': Strange fruit has secret information? Let me see, gimme that.
:'''Pleakley''': Stay away from Coco! We have a plan! We're not staying here a second longer! Run, Coco! Run! ''[runs out into the ocean]'' Escape the Forbidden Island! ''[a giant wave washes him back ashore]'' Oh, the indignity! And the evil curse!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Nani and David take Lilo and the group back to Kauai; Gantu and 625 are also given rides after giving away Splodyhead as payment]''
:'''Pleakley''': ''[put Coco into the water]'' You did it, Coco. You finally escaped the Forbidden Island, though not its evil curse. Not its evil curse.
:'''David''': Ni'ihau is not forbidden because of a curse. It's forbidden because you need an invitation to visit.
:'''Pleakley''': NO CURSE?! Of course, I knew it all the time.

== ''Amnesio (Experiment 303)'' [1.12] ==

:'''Computer''': ''Warning. Experiment 303 activated. Primary function: erases memories.''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:'''Lilo''': Stitch... Do you remember what day it is?
:'''Stitch''': ''[snores]'' Naga.
:'''Lilo''': It's the best day of the year: my birthday! ''[shakes Stitch's bed, waking up Stitch]''
:'''Stitch''': ''[groans]'' Bata ichi!
:'''Lilo''': ''[pulls Stitch's blanket away]'' Wake up, sleepyhead!
:'''Stitch''': Chubata! ''[grabs the blanket with his toes, tripping Lilo]''
:'''Lilo''': Fine! But you'll miss the balloons, and the mariachi band, and cake... coconut cake!
:''[the mention of coconut cake wakes up Stitch, who excitingly chews on his pillow]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Lilo, Stitch, and Gantu had their memories erased by Experiment 303]''
:'''Lilo''': What am I doing here? And who are you guys?
:'''Gantu''': I'm... uh... I'm not quite sure who I am, frankly.
:'''Lilo''': And who are you?
:'''Stitch''': Trumba! Meega enesta chi?
:'''Lilo''': He's even more confused than us. He's speaking a different language.
:'''Gantu''': ''[chuckles]'' It's okay, little fella. No... ''[Stitch bites his finger]'' OW!
:'''Lilo''': Watch out! It's a monster! ''[ducks under a table]''
:'''Stitch''': '''MEEGA NALA KWEESTA!!!''' ''[grabs a palm tree and pounds Gantu with it and then runs off to wreak havoc]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Lilo/Martha and Gantu/Lenny go into an arcade; Lilo/Martha is playing [[w:Galaga|Galaga]]]''
:'''Lilo/Martha''': Hey, Lenny! I won an extra ship! 
:''[Gantu/Lenny looks around the arcade to find what looks like Stitch but is really a kid in a blue outfit]''
:'''Gantu/Lenny''': ''[pulls out his blaster]'' Stay here, Martha.
:'''Kid''': ''[playing [[w:Street Fighter|Street Fighter]]]'' You want some? Oh, yeah!
:'''Gantu/Lenny''': ''[grabs the kid]'' I've got you know, convict!
:'''Kid''': Help!
:'''Lilo/Martha''': Lenny, no! He's not the convict! He's just a kid!
:'''Gantu/Lenny''': Martha, I think I know a little more about criminals than you. ''[looks that he really just grabbed a kid]'' Oh. Sorry, kid. ''[puts the kid down]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Jumba and Pleakley see that Lilo, Stitch, and Gantu have lost their memories]''
:'''Jumba''': Uh-oh! Is Experiment 303.
:'''Pleakley''': Oh, Experiment 303. Well, now it all makes sense. ''[angrily turns to Jumba]'' You think I know all 626 of all your evil monsters by number?! What does it do for Earth's sake?!
:'''Jumba''': Is designed to wipe out memories. 
:'''Pleakley''': You made a monster that gives people amnesia?!
:'''Jumba''': Guess. I can see it was success.
:'''Lilo/Martha''': Go back a second. Did you say I'm Lilo?
:'''Jumba''': Of course. 
:'''Stitch''': Neesa amina?
:'''Jumba''': You are 626, also called Stitch. You catch my experiments like Experiment 303, and find one true place where they belong.
:'''Lilo/Martha''': ''[points to Gantu/Lenny]'' And he helps us?
:'''Jumba''': Uh, no. He is evil yet incompetent experiment hunter. He is hated by pretty much everyone.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Lilo says the password that restores their memories, which is &quot;ohana&quot;]''
:'''Lilo''': Stitch?
:'''Stitch''': Lilo!
:'''Lilo''': We're back!
:'''Gantu''': So am I! To reclaim the abomination that was mine all along!
:'''Lilo''': What happened to... ''[imitates Gantu]'' &quot;I don't want my old life of evil back&quot;?
:'''Gantu''': I didn't know what I was missing.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Lilo and Stitch return home after losing Amnesio to Gantu]''
:'''Lilo''': We lost our memories, we lost an experiment to Gantu, and no one remembered my birthday.
:'''Stitch''': Oh... ''[gets an idea]'' Etaba! ''[climbs a palm tree and gnaws it into a giant tiki totem pole]'' Happy Birthday!
:'''Lilo''': Ah, you didn't have to make me a present. I remember my ohana. That's the greatest gift of all. Even if they forget my birthday.
:''[Lilo and Stitch enter the house and lights go on]''
:'''Nani, David, Jumba, Pleakley, and Cobra Bubbles''': SURPRISE!
:'''Stitch''': COCONUT CAKE! ''[grabs Lilo's cake and eats in 5 seconds flat, but leaves one slice for Lilo]''
:'''Lilo''': I thought you all forgot.
:'''Nani''': Lilo, how could I ever forget your birthday? Remember what ohana means?
:'''Lilo''': Nobody gets left behind.
:'''Stitch, Jumba, Pleakley, David, and Cobra Bubbles''': Or forgotten.
:'''Lilo''': Oh, yeah! I forgot that part.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Gantu sends Amnesio to Hämsterviel]''
:'''Hämsterviel''': Still waiting... Where is it?!
:'''Gantu''': It'll be there any second, sir.
:'''Hämsterviel''': Any second is too slow! YOU'RE FIRED! F-I-R-E... ''[Amnesio finally arrives in his cell]'' Hello, what is this? ''[Amnesio zaps him in the eyes, erasing his memories]'' What? What was I saying? Who am I?
:'''Gantu''': Your name is Doofus. You're a dangerous criminal wanted in twelve galaxies!
:'''Hämsterviel''': Ooh, I am?
:'''Gantu''': Yes. Fortunately, you were trapped and captured by me: police officer Ace Jackson!

== ''Swirly (Experiment 383)'' [1.13] ==

:'''Computer''': ''Warning. Experiment 383 activated.''
:'''Hämsterviel''': An experiment is waiting for you and your bumbling fish mitts don't grab it for me! ''[notices Gantu watching TV]'' GANTU!
:'''Gantu''': ''[sighs]'' Yes, Dr. Hämsterviel, I'll get right on it, in just a minute.
:'''Hämsterviel''': Not in just a minute! Now, you lazy squid thing! NOW!
:'''Gantu''': But it's a marathon of ''Look at This!''
:'''625''': It's chowder chop's favorite show.
:'''Hämsterviel''': Well, my favorite show is watching your fishy butt get hit by the door on your way out to ''CATCH MY EXPERIMENT!!!''
:'''Gantu''': ''[sighs]'' Yes, sir. ''[to 625]'' Record it for me?
:'''625''': Well, I could do that, but I'm thinking the Sandwich Channel.
:''[Gantu growls in frustation as he leaves]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Pleakley is practicing a juggling routine for Look At This!]''
:'''Pleakley''': Let's see. Maracas, bowling ball, precious family heirloom, that's good, and here we go! ''[begins juggling with the maracas, the bowling ball, and a priceless lamp]'' Yes! Yes! 
:''[the bowling ball lands on Pleakley's foot and the maracas hit him on the head; Stitch grabs the lamp before it could break]''
:'''Stitch''': Phew!
:'''Lilo''': Why are smashing your feet?
:'''Pleakley''': Haven't you heard? ''Look At This!'' is coming to Kauai! I intend to demonstrate the mastery of Earth-style juggling. ''[moves the bowling ball off his foot]''
:'''Lilo''': Not you too! You sound just like Mertle. She thinks ''Look At This!'' is all that!
:'''Pleakley''': Well, Mertle sounds like a small Earth female with exquisite taste! ''[Stitch begins playing with his maraca]'' Unhand my maraca, you monster! Figure out your own audition!
:'''Lilo''': Don't worry. I'd feed myself to the sharks before I let Stitch go on that show.
:'''Pleakley''': Just the same! The juggling routine is mine!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Lilo has been hypnotized by Swirly to be like Mertle, who happens to love Look at This! while Stitch is also hypnotized by him to love the show]''
:'''Mertle''': Okay, first the left hip, and.... ''[notices Lilo, who has the same hairstyle and glasses as her]'' AHH! What are ''you'' doing here, Lilo?!
:'''Lilo''': I'm not going to let ''you'' ruin our big TV debut with your boring old dance moves, ''Mer-Tle!''
:'''Yuki''': Huh?
:'''Teresa''': What?
:'''Elena''': Who are you?
:'''Stitch''': ''[dashes to the TV with a pillow and popcorn]'' Eeka toola!
:'''Mertle''': I thought you hated ''Look At This!''
:'''Lilo''': As if! You gotta love it!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Gantu has been hypnotized by Swirly; 625 then tells him to obey the first suggestion after hypnosis]''
:'''625''': Have a peanut butter sandwich. Wait, wait, make that a peanut butter and sardine sandwich!
:'''Gantu''': ''[shoves the sandwich into his mouth]'' Delicious!
:'''625''': ''[chuckles]'' Now, hop on one foot and say &quot;blah-blah-blah&quot;.
:'''Gantu''': Blah-blah-blah! ''[begins hopping around the ship]'' Blah-blah-blah!
:'''Hämsterviel''': What is the meaning of the silly hopping with the mouth filled with fancy-pancy nonsense?!
:'''625''': It's cool, Doc. Check this out. Hey, twinkle-toes, dance like a ballerina and tell Dr. Hämsterviel you're a big blubberhead.
:'''Gantu''': I'm a big blubberhead. ''[makes a goofy face and begins dancing like a ballerina]''
:'''Hämsterviel''': ''[laughs]'' The large fishy one has succumbed to the powers of Experiment 383! I remember him. Big fun at parties. Gantu, stick out your tongue and make raspberry-like spitting noises!
:'''625''': And balance yourself on a rolling pin!
:'''Hämsterviel''': While juggling your sandwich-making thing stuff!
:'''625''': With a cake on your head!
:'''Hämsterviel''': And a cherry on top!
:''[Gantu does exactly what he is told; 625 and Hämsterviel crack up laughing]''

== ''Fibber (Experiment 032)'' [1.14] ==
:''[Lilo looks at Jumba's computer to identify the new experiment she and Stitch just caught]''
:'''Lilo''': No. No. Cool, but no. I got it! It's...
:'''Jumba''': Experiment 032.
:'''Lilo''': Yeah. I knew which experiment it was all along.
:''[032 beeps loudly and his forehead lights up]''
:'''Jumba''': ''[chuckles]'' 032 says you are telling fib.
:'''Lilo''': How does he know?
:'''Jumba''': Is lie detector experiment. The more you lie, the more he beeps. Forces people to tell truth, resulting in complete chaos. Is genius, no? ''[chuckles]''
:'''Lilo''': How can the truth cause chaos?
:'''Jumba''': ''[picks up a t-shirt]'' Ah, society is like cloth, and lies are the thread which are holding it together. ''[pulls a thread on the t-shirt, causing it to fall apart]'' Pull thread, civilization unravels. ''[chuckles]'' Humans cannot survive telling truth all the time.
:'''Lilo''': I'm gonna name you Fibber. Until we find a new home for you, you can stay with me in my house.
:'''Nani''': ''[off-screen]'' Lilo! Did you clean up your room?
:'''Lilo''': Yes.
:''[Fibber beeps loudly, exposing her that she's lying]''
:'''Stitch''': ''[laughs]'' Ajibba!
:'''Lilo''': Stitch's bed. ''[Stitch stops laughing]'' That's where you'll stay. He's the one that caught you anyway. ''[Stitch growls in frustration]'' And keep him out of the way. We don't want the t-shirt of civilization to come apart.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Pleakley's cell phone begins ringing in the middle of the night; waking Lilo]''
:'''Lilo''': Pleakley, you're phone is ringing.
:'''Jumba''': Eh, it's his mother. Always calling, night and day, telling him to find wife.
:'''Lilo''': A wife? Like a lady to marry?
:'''Pleakley''': No! No! There will be no wife, no lady, and no marrying! My Earth studies are my life. I don't have time for a relationship.
:'''Lilo''': ''[picks up Pleakley's phone]'' Hello?
:'''Pleakley''': ''[whispers]'' Lilo, no! Hang up!
:''[Lilo tosses the phone to Pleakley]''
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': Hello? Pleakley? Is that you?
:'''Pleakley''': Mother?
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': Pleakley! Aw, you know how long I've been trying to reach you?
:'''Pleakley''': No, I don't! You see, I... lost my phone in the ocean.
:''[Fibber beeps loudly]''
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': So, tell me, son, have you found a nice girl to marry yet?
:'''Pleakley''': I'm working on it.
:''[meanwhile, in Lilo's rooftop dome, Stitch is kept awake by Fibber's beeping]''
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': Well, you can stop looking, because I found one for you. ''[shows a picture of an ugly Plorganarian girl]'' Ta-da! ''[Pleakley gags]'' She is breathtaking, isn't she? Now, her parents are arranging a big, fancy wedding as we speak. 
:'''Pleakley''': W-w-w-wedding?!
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': I knew you would be thrilled! Pack your things. A limo craft is on its way to bring you back home to meet your new bride!
:'''Pleakley''': Wait! I am not thrilled! ''[his mom hangs up]'' I'm the opposite of thrilled! I'm ''un''-thrilled! I DON'T WANNA GET MARRIED!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Pleakley follows Lilo and Jumba's suggestions to lie to his mother saying that he's already found a woman to marry]''
:'''Pleakley''': Yes, I'm engaged. Isn't that wonderful.
:''[Fibber beeps loudly]''
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': When did all this happen?
:'''Pleakley''': Well, just... a few hours ago. Yeah, a few hours ago. I've been... ''[Fibber beeps again]'' just so busy getting engaged that I forgot to tell you. ''[Fibber beeps twice; Stitch grabs Fibber and puts him in the ceiling lamp]'' Nice girl? Of course she's a nice girl. Cook? She's a... professional chef.
:''[Fibber's muffled beeping and lights emanate from the lamp]''
:'''Lilo''': ''[to Stitch]'' Keep him quiet!
:'''Pleakley''': Yes, I'm afraid you will have to call off that big, fancy wedding, 'cause I'm getting married on Sunday.
:''[Fibber beeps loudly]''
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': What's that crazy beeping?
:'''Pleakley''': Uh... it's the doorbell. ''[Fibber beeps again]'' Yes, it's the doorbell. Wedding planner's here. Gotta go. ''[hangs up]''
:'''Lilo''': Well?
:'''Pleakley''': She bought it. She actually bought it. This lying thing is working out really well. ''[there's a knock at the door]'' Hmm. Who could that be? Oh, it's that limo craft Mother sent to pick me up. You know, before I told her I was engaged. ''[chuckles]'' Boy, did I pull the wool over Mom's eye. She is so... ''[opens the door to see his mom, his sister Pixley and brother Bertley at the door]'' '''HERE!!!'''
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': We hopped a wormhole as soon as we found out.
:'''Pleakley''': I... I...
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': What? Did you think your own family would miss your wedding? Come here. Give Mama a hug!
:'''Pleakley''': Uh...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo asks Nani if she could pose as Pleakley's fiancé]''
:'''Nani''': Are you lolo?!
:'''Lilo''': But otherwise, I'll lose one of my alien babysitters.
:'''Nani''': You'll still have your Uncle Jumba! I'm not gonna be Pleakley's fiancé!
:'''Lilo''': Okay, I understand. Besides, Jumba is perfectly qualified to be my babysitter. Jumba! Can I play with the chainsaw?
:'''Jumba''': Of course! But try not to lose finger! Is messy!
:'''Nani''': Alright! Alright, I'll do it.
:'''Lilo''': Thanks, Nani. I'll never be bad again.
:''[Fibber beeps loudly]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Nani is serving dinner]''
:'''Nani''': ''[pulls out a burnt casserole out of the oven]'' Well... Looks like it's ready. Volcano Surprise! ''[places the casserole on the table and sits down; Pleakley puts his hand over her shoulder]''
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': Oh, it's so good to see my son finally getting married.
:'''Pixley''': So, Wendy tells us you're...
:''[Pleakley spits out his mild in shock]''
:'''Nani and Lilo''': &quot;Wendy?!&quot;
:'''Pixley''': My brother, your fiancé, the one-eyed wonder sitting next to you.
:'''Nani''': His name is Wendy?
:'''Bertley''': You're marrying him and you don't even know his name?
:'''Nani''': Oh, well... I always just call him Honeykins. ''[hugs Pleakley]''
:''[Fibber beeps loudly; Stitch grabs Fibber and tosses him into the clothes hamper and shoves laundry into it to stifle the beeping]''
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': Oh, he was always embarrassed by his name. I don't understand why. It means &quot;brave warrior&quot; in Plarganar.
:'''Bertley''': Oh, how I wanted that name.
:'''Pixley''': Maybe he was embarrassed by it because he couldn't live up to it. I mean, look at his career. 
:'''Pleakley''': Excuse me, but being an Earth expert is highly respectable.
:'''Pixley''': I'm the CEO of a medium-sized galaxy. I have a bathroom in my office. ''You'' share a bunkbed with an evil scientist. Do the math, brother.
:'''Pleakley''': Okay, okay! Pick on Wendy time is over!
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': Let's talk about the wedding. Now, how many guests are you having?
:'''Pleakley''': Guests? Oh, let's see. About..
:'''Lilo''': None. They're getting married at... City Hall.
:''[Fibber beeps again; Stitch traps Fibber in the dryer]''
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': That's crazy talk! No son of mine is swearing his intergalactically binding vows without a decent wedding!
:'''Nani''': ''[glaring at Lilo]'' Eternal binding ''vows?!''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[the phone rings; Pixley picks at up]''
:'''Pixley''': Hello. Wendy's hovel.
:'''David''': Aloha. Who is this?
:'''Pixley''': This is Pixley Pleakley, Ph.D. and CEO of the Glorknot Galaxy. Who's this?
:'''David''': This is David, surfer and Nani's boyfriend.
:'''Pixley''': Boyfriend? Apparently, Nani didn't tell you she's engaged.
:'''David''': She's ''what?!''
:'''Pixley''': Engaged, as &quot;engaged to be married.&quot; Are all you Earth people this dense? ''[hangs up]''
:'''David''': Nani's getting... ''married?!''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Pleakley's mom has Nani in a rather tight wedding dress]''
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': Oh, if only Grandma Pleakley could see you in her wedding dress.
:'''Nani''': Um, you know, I don't think we'll be able to this whole wedding thing. I mean, we don't even have anyone to marry us.
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': There, there. Not to worry. I found you a minister. He was ordained at the Happy Slots Chapel in a place called &quot;[[w:Las Vegas|Lass Vegass]]&quot;. I think the veil hides a multitude of flaws, dear.
:''[Nani, furious, waddles outside to find Lilo making the floral arrangements]''
:'''Nani''': '''LIIIIILLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!''' Ugh! Ow! ''[hops towards Lilo]'' Lilo, this has gone way too far! I'm not going to marry Pleakley!
:'''Lilo''': But it's just pretend! Like when I married the rat that lives in the garage.
:'''Nani''': ''[takes off the veil]'' His mother ordered a real minister!
:'''Lilo''': You can't back out now! 
:'''Nani''': Watch me. ''[hops away]''
:'''Lilo''': Now what do I do?
:'''Jumba''': Little girl, did you want to play with this? ''[a chainsaw is heard]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu returns from his vacation]''
:'''Gantu''': I'm home. ''[sees the ship in a total mess]'' What?! My ship!
:'''625''': The par-tay is ov-er!
:'''Gantu''': ''[turns off the radio and finds the container computer beeping]'' How long has the container computer been beeping?!
:'''625''': Ever since you left, and boy, is it irritating. I just drowned it out with ''Electro Dance Party 4.''
:'''Computer''': Warning: Experiment 032 activated.
:'''Gantu''': Oh, Hämsterviel's going to pummel me!
:'''625''': Oh, that reminds me. The rat-face called, but not to worry. I hung up on him ''before'' he described how he was gonna pummel you.
:'''Gantu''': ''[grabs 625]'' When I get back, I'm pummeling ''you!''
:'''625''': Whoa. Oh, easy. Whoa. Too late there, cod-boy. Your breath beat you to it.
:''[Gantu drops 625 and goes out to capture Fibber]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch has Gantu tied up and is swinging him around on a palm tree]''
:'''Gantu''': You won't stop me, trog! I will get that lie-detect-- ''[Stich lets go, sending him flying]'' ORRRRRRRRR!!!
:'''Pixley''': A lie-detector?
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': A lie-detector? You mean this whole thing has been a great big lie? The fiancé, the wedding, everything?
:'''Pleakley''': Not everything exactly... ''[Fibber beeps loudly]'' Yes.
:'''Pixley''': We travelled 2 million miles for nothing?! I lost 2 days of my important work for this!
:''[Fibber beeps loudly]''
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': You are not fit to wear the name Wendy! 
:''[Fibber beeps again]''
:'''Bertley''': I hate you!
:''[Fibber beeps a third time; Pleakley sobs]''
:'''Lilo''': Hey, Fibber's been beeping. All that mean stuff your family just yelled at you must not be how they really feel.
:'''Pleakley''': It wasn't?
:'''Lilo''': Why else would Fibber have been beeping?
:'''Pleakley''': So... Bertley ''doesn't'' hate me.
:'''Bertley''': ''[ashamed]'' No. I don't hate you. I never did! I was just... jealous! I mean, look at you! You're tall, you're handsome, you're a babe magnet.
:'''Pleakley''': ''[looks at Fibber]'' He didn't beep. It must be true. I'm a babe magnet!
:'''Pixley''': And you're creative, too. I've felt inferior to you my whole life.
:'''Pleakley''': But you're the CEO of a galaxy!
:'''Pixley''': I was only trying to be better than you, and what did it get me? A high-powered career, a custom shoe closet, and bone-searing loneliness!
:'''David''': Your shoes have their own closet?
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': ''[cries]'' It's all my fault! I pushed you all too hard! I just wanted my children to be happy!
:'''Pleakley''': But Mom, I ''am'' happy.
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': Oh, don't be ridiculous! How can you be happy?! You're not even married!
:'''Pleakley''': I don't wanna be married, Mother. I'm happy just as I am.
:'''Bertley''': Then... can ''I'' marry Nani?
:'''Nani and David''': No!
:'''Bertley''': Oh.
:'''Pleakley''': You know, I'm even happier now that I know that you all really love me. You do, right?
:'''Pleakley's Mom and Bertley''': Well...
:'''Pixley''': Well, you're not perfect.
:'''Nani''': Perfect? Try living with a sister who pours grape jelly in your socks.
:'''Lilo''': Or a sister who hogs the bathroom for hours.
:'''Nani''': ''[hugs Lilo]'' But no matter how much we annoy each other, we're still ohana.
:'''Lilo''': And we love our ohana, just the way we are. ''[Stitch playfully jumps on the two sisters]'' See? The t-shirt of human civilization is made of love, not lies.
:'''Minister''': I hate to interrupt the love fest, but who's dropping the cha-ching? ''[holds out the bill for his services]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu captures Fibber and returns to his ship; he tries to lie to Hämsterviel to cover up his spa vacation]''
:'''Gantu''': No, no, no. I wasn't on vacation. ''[Fibber beeps loudly]'' It was an educational conference. ''[Fibber beeps again]''
:'''Hämsterviel''': You lying lump of rubber! You're on probation! ''[disconnects; Gantu sighs and facepalms]''
:'''625''': Y'know, Fib, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
:''[they both drink their sodas and Fibber gives out a loud belch]''

== ''Tank (Experiment 586)'' [1.15] ==

:''[Note: [[w:Weird Al Yankovic|Weird Al Yankovic]] made a special guest role as a singing minstrel]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:'''Driver''': I tell you, bra, I'm giving you the kind deal. They don't 'em like this no more.
:'''Man''': Hmm. You sure the body's in ok shape?
:'''Driver''': You kiddin'? All-metal body, chrome trim. No plastic junk like today.
:''[As the driver washes his car, Experiment 586's pod gets wet and activated]''
:'''Woman''': 'Cause you know, we got a rust problem in Hawaii. This island air eats cars like nothing else in the universe. ''[Experiment 586 starts eating the car, leaving only the rubber tires]'' Except maybe him.
:''[Experiment 586 grows a little bigger, roars, and runs away, laughing]''
:'''Man''': Sorry, bra. Deal's off.
:'''625''': Hey, Gantu, ever thought about growing a goatee?
:'''Gantu''': No!
:'''625''': I'm serious. Because with your bone structure, it would look very spiffy.
:'''Gantu''': Really?
:'''625''': Sure. May I? ''[grabs a pencil and draws a mustache and goatee on Gantu's face]'' There. See? ''[holds up a mirror]''
:'''Gantu''': Not funny!
:'''625''': What? I think it looks nice. Helps disguise a few of those chins! ''[laughs]''
:'''Computer''': Warning. Experiment 586 activated.
:'''Gantu''': &quot;Primary function: metal consumption. Experiment grows exponentially larger with everything it eats.&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Mertle and the girls are calling for a radio contest to win tickets to an Elizabethan festival]''
:'''Mertle''': Come on, come on!
:'''Host''': ''Congratulations, Caller 12!''
:'''Mertle''': What?! Already!
:'''Lilo''': I won?!
:''[the girls turn to see that Lilo was the lucky caller via payphone]''
:'''Host''': ''Yes! You and a group of your closest friends and adult guardians are going to the Elizabethan festival!''
:'''Mertle''': I don't believe it!
:'''Lilo''': I won the contest for you. Now we can all go to the festival.
:'''Mertle''': Nu-uh! We have somewhere better to be. Right, girls?
:'''Yuki''': Well... not really.
:'''Teresa''': According to their homepage, the festival is way cool!
:'''Elena''': Plus, we're sick of playing dolls!
:'''Lilo''': Really?
:'''Mertle''': Fine, if you wanna go with the freak, then go! I'm staying here!
:''[pause]''
:'''Yuki, Teresa, and Elena''': Okay! ''[they leave with Lilo and Stitch]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Pleakley is getting his costume ready for the festival]''
:'''Pleakley''': I'm so excited! My first festival dedicated to primitive Earth history! Are you dressed yet?
:'''Jumba''': ''[dressed as [[w:King Henry VIII|King Henry VIII]]]'' Dressed, yes. Happy, no!
:'''Pleakley''': Cheer up. Henry VIII was a powerful ruler, even though he had a nasty habit of having his wives beheaded!
:'''Jumba''': I am liking this Henry person! ''[laughs]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Stitch, angered that he's not allowed to go to the festival, sees Mertle and pounces on her]''
:'''Mertle''': What's the matter? Upset that your friend dumped you?
:'''Stitch''': ''[releases Mertle]'' Amagata!
:'''Mertle''': Face it. You know she'd trade up someday.
:'''Stitch''': Kachuga naga!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Since Lilo is too busy with the girls, Stitch reluctantly takes Mertle to find Experiment 586, who has grown huge due to all the metal it has eaten]''
:'''Mertle''': We're not here because of that thing, are we?
:'''Stitch''': Ih!
:'''Mertle''': I don't like this anymore. Take me home!
:''[Stitch leaps out of the buggy]''
:'''Mertle''': Hey, come back!
:''[Stitch throws a mailbox into 586's face, but it does not hurt it]''
:'''Stitch''': Kachumba! 
:''[586 kicks Stitch to the hood of the buggy]''
:'''Mertle''': I'm never gonna get home with ''you'' in charge!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Tank rampages through the festival, with Gantu's ship in hot pursuit]''
:'''Yuki''': Where should we hide?!
:'''Elena''': I say we hide in the blacksmith's!
:'''Teresa''': No, the dueling buckets booth!
:'''Lilo''': We don't hide. That ship is trying to catch the experiment, but we have to beat him to it! 
:'''Yuki''': But why?
:'''Lilo''': 'Cause we're the good guys, and the good guys don't chicken out just 'cause the bad guy has a gigantic spaceship with advanced alien technology.
:'''Elena''': Mertle was right: You really ''are'' weird.
:'''Yuki and Teresa''': ''YYEEEEEAAAAHHHH!!''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Gantu holds Stitch and Mertle hostage after accidentally capturing them]''
:'''625''': I swear something's different about you. No shoes? Wait, I got it! Perm and red highlights!
:'''Mertle''': Hey, that was pretty funny what you did that tubby guy. You know, the face.
:'''625''': Really? You think so?
:'''Mertle''': Oh, yeah! I ''know'' how be mean to people. What you did, it was special.
:'''625''': I'm glad you said that, 'cause I was afraid I wasn't pushing the envelope. Y'know? Thinking outside the box. 
:'''Mertle''': I hear ya.
:'''625''': Hey, I got a prank I'm working on right now. You wanna take a look? I mean, if you got time.
:'''Mertle''': I got nothing but time!
:'''625''': ''[chuckles]'' Oh, right. It's in the other room. ''[presses a button, releasing Mertle]'' I call it &quot;Ants in Gantu's Pants&quot;. That's figurative, by the way...
:''[Mertle grabs 625 and traps him in her own containment chamber]''
:'''Mertle''': That was so easy, it was sad. ''[releases Stitch]'' Come on. Let's get outta here.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Lilo apologizes to Stitch for not treating him right and Stitch accepts her apology and forgives her; Mertle watches the whole thing from a pole]''
:'''Elena''': Mertle?
:'''Mertle''': ''[slides down]'' My friends! You've come back!
:'''Elena''': Here's the thing: we tried going with Lilo, and didn't exactly work out. So...
:'''Teresa''': We were thinking of going back to you, but only if we do something besides play dolls all the time.
:'''Mertle''': Oh, really? And what makes you think I would even take you back? I had a lot of fun without you. I chased a monster, then I got sucked into a gigantic spaceship, then...
:'''Yuki''': Maybe this was a bad idea.
:'''Teresa''': Yeah! Being alone has made her weird.
:'''Mertle''': Uh, just kidding! So, let's just be friends again. ''[the three girls continue glaring at Mertle; defeated]'' And play less dolls.

== ''Sprout (Experiment 509)'' [1.16] ==

:''[Lilo finds an experiment pod on the floor in the post office while dropping off a letter to her pen-pal]''
:'''Lilo''': Look what I found. It was right there on the floor. It must have been in somebody's mail. Experiment 509.
:'''Jumba''': Hmmm... 509. Agricultural experiment. 
:'''Lilo''': It's a plant?
:'''Jumba''': Experiment. Designs to be violent and indestructible. Looks like harmless plant one moment, but suddenly rises up like savage beast and attacks!
:'''Lilo''': Let's activate it, so we can find its one true place.
:'''Jumba''': ''[snatches the pod from Lilo]'' No, no, no! Too risky.
:'''Lilo''': But we could make friends with it, and then it won't attack.
:'''Jumba''': You're wanting to make friends with a plant? ''[laughs]'' Oh, is very compassionate, also silly! ''[puts the pod in a drawer and locks it]'' No. Impossible to activate without causing extreme destruction. Of course, is fun for me, but for planet's sake, I'm putting away, permanently.
:'''Lilo''': But--
:'''Jumba''': End of discussion! Not looking so sad. Hundreds of experiments left on the loose, wreaking havoc on island. Make friends with ''those''. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Mertle challenges Lilo to compete against her in the orchid growing contest in the Kokaua Town Fair while Stitch trains himself to enter the rodeo; Pleakley is using a jackhammer to sew seeds into his garden]''
:'''Lilo''': Pleakley, can you help me grow an orchid for the town fair?
:'''Pleakley''': Town fair? What town fair?
:'''Lilo''': Kokaua Town Fair. They have rides and food and competitions for stuff like flowers.
:'''Pleakley''': What about pineapples?
:'''Lilo''': There's a homegrown fruits and vegetables competition.
:'''Pleakley''': Homegrown fruits?! I could enter... my Pinormous! ''[gestures to his gigantic pineapple plant]'' Pinarmous will revolutionize Hawaii's pineapple industry. And then... IT WILL REVOLUTIONIZE THE WORLD!!! 
:'''Jumba''': ''[chuckles]'' You are starting to sound like evil genius.
:'''Pleakley''': Maybe, but... I'm be an evil genius for good!
:'''Jumba''': Always it starts that way. Here is evil genius fertilizer you are requesting.
:'''Lilo''': What about my orchid?!
:'''Pleakley''': Sorry, Lilo. I can't waste my precious time on something as renowned as an orchid. My Pinormous needs me, and the world needs my Pinormous! ''[notices some bamboo shoots growing]'' AAH!! My personal Eden is being invaded by bamboo runners! 
:'''Lilo''': Runners?
:'''Pleakley''': Underground roots spreading their grasping, choking evil from the mother plant. Couldn't you ever plant this to contain the roots so it won't keep spreading? So inconsiderate!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Lilo goes to the rental hut to ask Nani to help her grow an orchid]''
:'''Nani''': I'm sorry, Lilo, but I don't have time to help you with the fair. I'm working.
:'''Lilo''': But I want to enter something.
:'''Diver''': Uh, miss? Do you have another mask? This one doesn't fit quite right.
:'''Nani''': Oh, yes, sir. ''[gives the diver another mask]'' Here you go. ''[to Lilo]'' If you'd told me weeks ago...
:'''Lilo''': BUT I ONLY JUST FOUND OUT TODAY!!
:'''Nani''': Lilo! I have a customer. 
:'''Diver''': Uh, miss? This mask doesn't fit right either.
:'''Nani''': Uh, okay. ''[gives the diver another mask]'' Here. Try this one. 
:''[as the two sisters talk, Stitch, still practicing to be a cowboy, wheres flippers as boots and twirls two snorkels as if they were guns]''
:'''Lilo''': But I gotta enter something! Mertle's entering orchids, Pleakley's entering a huge evil pineapple, Stitch is going to be a cowboy at the rodeo.
:'''Nani''': ''[to Stitch]'' Cowboys where boots, not flippers. ''[to Lilo]'' Look, it takes a long time to grow an orchid. Maybe you could enter next year.
:'''Diver''': Oh, uh, miss? I'm sorry, but this one...
:'''Lilo''': THE MASK DOESN'T FIT BECAUSE '''YOUR HEAD IS SHAPED WEIRD!!!!''' ''[storms out the hut]''
:'''Stitch''': Bachuga! ''[follows Lilo]''
:'''Nani''': ''[chuckles nervously]'' Kids.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Lilo and Stitch go to the fair carrying Sprout on a wagon]''
:'''Zack Makeli''': Howdy, stranger. ''[Stitch glares at him angrily]'' I hear you're the only bullrider in this here competition. ''[Stitch nods]'' You see this? I got five of'em. One for each time I won the rodeo. And I don't expect to lose the sixth time... to a ''stranger''.
:'''Stitch''': Ihkata....
:'''Lilo''': Help me get Sprout in place, then you can kick that cowboy's rear in the rodeo.
:'''Stitch''': ''[reluctantly]'' Bachoo.
:'''Zack Makeli''': ''[laughs]'' Hey, son! A real cowboy don't get told what to do by a little girl!
:''[Stitch grumbles angrily as he takes Sprout to the orchid competition]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Lilo and Stitch retreats to the old water tower after Sprout lands on the ground and grows into a giant plant monster]''
:'''Lilo''': All my fault. Jumba locked the experiment in the drawer because he knew it was dangerous, and I took it anyways just so I could beat Mertle. I messed up everything.
:'''Stitch''': Ih.
:'''Lilo''': You could at least ''pretend'' that I didn't mess up so bad, just to make me feel better.
:'''Stitch''': I cannot.
:'''Lilo''': Ugh! Fine!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Nani watches the news]''
:'''Reporter''': We're here at the Kokaua Town Fair, where apparently, a giant orchid has burst out of its potted plant, causing pandemonium.
:'''Nani''': ''[shocked and angry]'' ''JUMBA!!''
:'''Jumba''': What?! What is emergency?!
:'''Nani''': What do you know about ''that?!'' ''[points to the TV]''
:'''Reporter''': I've never seen anything like this! It's as if alien plants have taken over the fair! James, are you getting this?! Oh, no! ''[screams]''
:'''Jumba''': Is 509... but looks much heavier on television. Little girl has been breaking big rules!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Stitch manages to pull Sprout from the ground and puts him in the water tower, where he's now in his one true place]''
:'''Lilo''': I don't know if it's his one true place, but that's the only place I think Sprout could go.
:'''Stitch''': Oh, ih.
:'''Orchid Judge 1''': Would you look at that?!
:'''Orchid Judge 2''': Wasn't that one of the entries in the orchid category.
:'''Orchid Judge 3''': Why, yes! Yes, it was! I think we've found our blue ribbon! ''[hands the blue ribbon to Lilo]'' Here you go, dear.
:'''Zack Makeli''': Y'know, if hadn't been for that overgrown dandelion, you'd have beat in the rodeo.
:'''Stitch''': Oh!
:'''Zack Makeli''': No, no, sir. You would've. I gotta admit it, 'cause a real cowboy either wins fair and square, or he loses fair and square, partner. ''[hands Stitch the rodeo belt]''
:'''Stitch''': Oh, chochamba.
:'''Lilo''': ''[remembers the fact that she cheated and gives the ribbon to Mertle]'' Here. 
:'''Mertle''': Is this a trick?
:'''Lilo''': No. You won it fair and square, and I didn't. My Pully Cove is yours for a whole week.
:'''Mertle''': Really?!
:'''Lilo''': Yeah.
:'''Mertle''': Hey! We can go to my Pully Cove without the weirdo for a whole week! ''[she and the girls cheer and leave]''
:'''Lilo''': A real cowboy knows how to lose, fair and square.
:'''Nani''': Lilo! Oh, Lilo, are you okay?
:'''Lilo''': I'm okay. Am I grounded?
:'''Nani''': What do you think?
:'''Lilo''': I guess a month would be fair.
:'''Nani''': How about a week?
:'''Pleakley''': ''[shocked and upset that his pineapple was destroyed by Sprout]'' My beautiful Pinormous! Innocence! Lost!
:'''Nani''': If we start planting for next year, I bet we could grow orchids that would kick Mertle's orcids' butt!
:'''Lilo''': Wow! I didn't even know orchids have butts.
:'''Stitch''': Oh! Yippee-Ki-Yay!

== ''Elastico (Experiment 345)'' [1.17] ==
:''[Stitch waits for Lilo outside her hula class]''
:'''Moses''': Last rehearsal is tomorrow morning. Everybody practice tonight.
:'''Mertle''': I don't need to practice. My hula story is already perfect. I call it &quot;A Day in the Life of Mertle Edmonds.&quot; I thought it would be nice to share what it's like to be me. What's ''yours'' about this year, Weirdlo? Zombies again? ''[she and the other girls laugh; Stitch growls angrily at Mertle, but Lilo calms him down]''
:'''Lilo''': Not zombies, ''mummies''! Big difference. But no, I have created an all new hula dance. 
:'''Mertle''': Let me guess: It's about something gross?
:'''Lilo''': It's about a squid! 
:'''Mertle''': Mmm-hmm. Gross! We'll be sure to miss it.
:'''Yuki, Teresa and Elena''': ''YYEEEEEAAAAAAHH!!''
:''[as the hula girls laugh; Lilo and Stitch storm back home]''
:'''Lilo''': I'm gonna practice, alright. Until I'm better than perfect.
:'''Stitch''': Yeah! Ih!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[625 is making sandwiches while using pages of newspaper as sandwich wrappers]''
:'''625''': ''Aloha Oe... Salami and rye...'' ''[humming]''
:'''Gantu''': 625, have you seen the entertainment section?
:'''625''': Uh... no?
:'''Gantu''': ''[grabs the entertainment section]'' How many times have I told you not to use the papers as sandwich wrappers?! ''[looks at the Great Elastico ad]'' Hey... That looks like... An experiment!
:'''625''': Yeah, it's the clownish experiment how delights everyone with his comic antics. 
:'''Gantu''': How would ''you'' know?!
:'''625''': Duh! You're computer announced that experiment's activation like 2 weeks ago. &quot;Primary function: Distraction of hostile forces.&quot; Alright?
:'''Gantu''': You couldn't jot down a message?! Well, I guess I'm going to the circus!
:'''625''': Great. Have some cotton candy for me, would ya? Oh, listen, can I have my wrapper back?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after Lilo scolds Stitch for distracting her during practice, Stitch sneaks into the circus to get a closer look at his cousin Elastico; the ringmaster admires Stitch's agility and indestructibility while trying to capture Elastico and pulls Stitch into the center ring]''
:'''Ringmaster''': Ladies and gentlemen, let us hear it for our surprise circus guest: the Marvelous, the Magnificent, ehh....
:'''Stitch''': Uh, Stitch?
:'''Ringmaster''': Oh, no, no, no! This will never do! You need a name which more accurately reflects your indestructible resplendency. Ladies and gentlemen, meet the Incredible Indestructerado!
:'''Stitch''': Wow! ''[takes a bow]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after Gantu captures Elastico, the circus ringmaster decides to use Stitch as his replacement]''
:'''Ringmaster''': Amigos, I like to present to you our newest sensation: The Incredible Indestructerado!
:'''Stitch''': H-h-hiiiii.
:'''Tiger Tamer''': He is no Elastico!
:''[a tiger roars at Stitch, but Stitch frightens it with a louder roar]''
:'''Wolfman''': He looks so weird.
:'''Russian Contortionist''': Da, Wolfman! He is very odd-looking creature. He fits right in, no?
:''[Gus the Clown honks his horn a few times]''
:'''Acrobat''': That's Gus talk for &quot;Welcome to our family, Indestructerado.&quot;
:''[Stitch smiles happily]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu thinks he has transported Elastico to Hämsterviel, but Elastico escaped the transporter without him knowing]''
:'''Hämsterviel''': Gantu! Sleeping on the job?
:'''Gantu''': No, sir!
:'''Hämsterviel''': You think you're so funny with your pranky little pranks!
:'''Gantu''': Uh, pranks, sir?
:'''Hämsterviel''': ''[lifts up an empty shackle]'' Sending me nothing but shackles?! ''WHERE IS MY EXPERIMENT?!?''
:''[Gantu is shocked and embarrassed]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch gets ready for the grand finale before he leaves Kauai until Lilo comes in backstage]''
:'''Lilo''': Stitch? Is that you?
:'''Stitch''': Lilo? ''[suddenly remembers how she treated him and pouts]''
:'''Lilo''': I know you're mad at me, 'cause I was too busy with my show to pay attention to you. You aren't really going to Vegas, are you? You'll never see your ohana again.
:'''Stitch''': Circus means family, and family means &quot;Stitch does not get left behind&quot;!
:'''Lilo''': I never meant to leave you behind.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch have defeated Gantu with help from Elastico and the circus group]''
:'''Stitch''': ''[picks up Lilo's broken seashell necklace]'' Uh, isa brokuba.
:'''Lilo''': It's okay. I can always make another one. 
:'''Stitch''': Yeah?
:'''Lilo''': I should never have ignored you because of my dumb old hula dance. Being there for you and helping you find your cousins is so much more important.
:'''Ringmaster''': Well, Indestructerado, we must leave for Las Vegas. It is time to say your goodbyes.
:'''Stitch''': Ah, oh, um...
:'''Ringmaster''': Unless you have reconsidered joining our family.
:'''Stitch''': But... contract.
:'''Ringmaster''': Ah, yes. You signed the contract. ''[produces the contract from his hand]'' This contract was written in the name of Indestructerado, but you signed the name... Stitch. Oh, this contract is numb and void! ''[the contract disappears]'' Que payna! Go, be with your ''real'' family. ''[he and Elastico hug Stitch]''
:'''Stitch''': Goodbye. ''[he and Lilo leaves]''
:'''Wolfman''': We'll never forget you, Indestructerado.

== ''Yaarp (Experiment 613)'' [1.18] ==
:''[Lilo gives her presentation on her idea to improve the hula school; Stitch pantomimes while she does this]''
:'''Lilo''': Ahem. Aliens are not folktales. They are real! And they can be deadly. Aliens are very sneaky. They can be 20 feet tall and look like a whale. ''[Stitch bends his ears to look like Gantu]'' Or they can disguise themselves as your very own uncle. ''[Stitch imitates Jumba's laugh]'' Or your very own aunt. ''[Stitch waves his arms wildly like Pleakley]'' They shoot laser beams and they can even rampage through a city. ''[Stitch rampages through a city made of fruit]'' Destroying everything in sight. They can strike ''anywhere'' at ''anytime''. Including.... HERE!!
:'''Stitch''': Dum-dum-DAAAA!!!!
:'''Teresa''': Is she serious?
:'''Yuki''': Aliens?
:'''Mertle''': That dog is so ugly!
:'''Moses''': Lilo...
:'''Lilo''': The Kia Luhale is a happy place. ''[Stitch holds up Scrump]'' But only because we are blissfully ignorant of the alien scourge that threatens to enslave all of humanity. ''[Stitch throws Scrump on the ground and chews on her]'' Ending us to its twisting will, and making us eat limes!
:'''Moses''': Lilo! What is your idea to improve Kia Luhale?
:'''Lilo''': I think we need to install an alien invasion alarm, for the good of all humankind.
:'''Stitch''': Bark!
:'''Lilo''': Oh, and any friendly aliens who may or may not be living here disguised as my dog. ''[she and Stitch take a bow]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch was knocked into a big bookshelf after being hit by 613's sonic blasts]''
:'''Lilo''': Let's go, Stitch! They're getting away! ''[Stitch is deaf from the blast and can't hear Lilo]'' What's wrong, Stitch?
:'''Stitch''': Jaba?
:'''Lilo''': ''[loudly]'' CAN YOU HEAR ME?!
:'''Stitch''': Naga. Naga sonika.
:'''Lilo''': His hearing's broken! 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Jumba inspects Stitch's ears]''
:'''Jumba''': This is work of Experiment 613. Was first attempt to wreak havoc with high-decibel sonic disturbance, resonate compression, and osculating vibrational distortion. Simple to say, he makes loud noises.
:'''Lilo''': Gotcha.
:'''Jumba''': Sonic blast can shatter windows, flatten buildings, and cause acute loss of hearing.
:'''Stitch''': Gaba?
:'''Jumba''': Acute loss of hearing!
:'''Stitch''': Gaba?
:'''Jumba''': ''[puts a conch shell in Stitch's ear]'' '''ACUTE LOSS OF HEARING!!'''
:'''Stitch''': Ah! Odhigi noeeba!
:'''Lilo''': Jumba, there's nothing cute about hearing loss.
:'''Jumba''': Is correct. Fortunately, in 626's case, is only temporary.
:'''Lilo''': Good! We can catch 613 and still be home in time to write that letter to the mayor before dinner. Come on, Stitch.
:'''Jumba''': No, no, no! 626's super hearing makes him super sensitive to super sonic attack. He cannot be going.
:'''Lilo''': Can't you make him something like those earmuffs Gantu was wearing?
:'''Jumba''': Of course! Can have ready by next Tuesday.
:'''Lilo''': Tuesday?!
:'''Jumba''': Monday is federal holiday.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Pleakley is sent to capture Yaarp with a vacuum since he has no ears]''
:'''Pleakley''': Trigger to fire. Backup for safety. ''[a flash of light startles him]'' '''WHOOOAAAAH!!!''' ''[blindly sucks up a couple's clothes]''
:'''Charles''': Can we please have our clothes back?
:'''Mary''': We're on our honeymoon.
:'''Pleakley''': Oh. Congratulations! ''[shoots the clothes back to the couple]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu captures Stitch and agrees to set him free in exchange for Yaarp; Lilo meets Gantu in the natural history museum]''
:'''Gantu''': Earth girl.
:'''Lilo''': Big dummy. ''[opens up the cage, releasing Yaarp]''
:'''Gantu''': ''[puts on his earmuffs]'' Foolish Earth forms! Why haven't you soundproofed him?!
:'''Lilo''': Because we're plotting to rescue Stitch.
:'''Gantu''': Say again?
:'''Lilo''': 'CAUSE WE'VE TRAINED HIM TO OBEY HIS MASTER!
:'''Gantu''': Ah, well, I suppose that will save Hämsterviel the trouble. Now hand him over.
:'''Lilo''': Hold it! Where's Stitch?
:''[Gantu pulls Stitch from his armpit]''
:'''Stitch''': ''[coughs]'' Spubata! Ranka patookie!
:'''Lilo''': Okay...
:''[Yaarp comes to Gantu; Gantu kicks Stitch toward Lilo]''
:'''Gantu''': See how easy this can be? Aloyha, losers!
:''[Lilo winks to Stitch and whistles; Yaarp lets out a large sonic blast, startling Gantu]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[thanks to Yaarp's sonic blast, the museum's security surround Gantu, but Gantu escapes]''
:'''Mayor''': Did you get a good look at him Nicolé?
:'''Nicolé''': Yes, sir. He looked like... a whale, sir. I'm afraid he got away.
:'''Mayor''': Huh. My city is being bullied by a rampaging whale?
:'''Lilo''': Excuse me. Did you say ''your'' city?
:'''Mayor''': Yes, I did. Mayor Anolo. Who are you?
:'''Nicolé''': She's the one that tripped the alarm.
:'''Lilo''': My name's Lilo, and I didn't trip the alarm. It was my pet large-horned wild pig.
:'''Mayor''': Your pig tripped the alarm.
:'''Lilo''': No! He ''is'' the alarm.
:'''Mayor''': That's a pretty big voice for such a little fella.
:''[Yaarp lets out a happy honk]''
:'''Mayor''': Well, thanks for your help, Lilo.
:''[Stitch uncrumples Lilo's letter to the Mayor and gives to her]''
:'''Stitch''': Small person, big voice.
:'''Lilo''': Mr. Mayor!
:'''Mayor''': Yes?
:'''Lilo''': I thought you should know that the &quot;whale&quot; isn't really a whale.
:'''Mayor''': It's not?
:'''Lilo''': Nope. Actually, he's a space alien.
:'''Mayor''': Well, thank goodness. I'd have a hard time explaining a rampaging whale to the city counsel.
:'''Lilo''': It's occurred to me that some of the city's most important buildings might benefit from having alien invasion alarms installed.
:'''Mayor''': ''[laughs]'' An alien invasion alarm system? Well, that's the most ridi--
:'''Mary''': Are you the mayor of this city?
:'''Mayor''': That's right. What can I do for you?
:'''Mary''': We just wanted you to know that you ruined our honeymoon!
:'''Charles''': Your city is crawling with weird creatures! ''[shows the mayor pictures of Yaarp, Gantu, and Pleakley]''
:'''Mary''': We're leaving for the mainland immediately, and we are never coming back! Good day!
:'''Lilo''': In the interest of continued tourism, you might like to read this. ''[hands the mayor her letter]''

== ''Experiment 627'' [1.19: Thanksgiving Special] ==
:''[Note: The episode title is just ''627'']''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch has captured and reformed 515 (a.k.a. Deforestator) in less than 2 minutes, making him and Lilo overly proud of himself]''
:'''Lilo''': Give it up for the greatest, the bestest, the baddest, the King of Kokaua Town: Stitch! ''[takes a picture of a sunglasses-clad Stitch]''
:'''Pleakley''': Finally! I was getting worried! 
:'''Lilo''': You should never worry. Not when I have Stitch with me to kick butt!
:'''Pleakley''': Lilo! Such language was outlawed by the Balorian Universal Talking Treaty and your big sister, who had to work late. Now, will you assist me setting out the Thanksgiving dinner?
:'''Lilo''': Thanksgiving? Again?
:'''Pleakley''': It is once a month, right?
:'''Lilo''': Is there pumpkin pie?
:'''Pleakley''': Of course!
:'''Lilo''': Yep. Once a month. Help set the table, Stitch?
:''[Stitch pushes an easy chair to the table]''
:'''Lilo''': Okay. You did earn your keep pretty good today.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Jumba enraged at how Stitch has acted bossy during dinner, creates a new experiment and activates it in front of Pleakley]''
:'''Jumba''': Allow me to be introducing Experiment 627!
:'''627''': '''EVIL!!!'''
:'''Jumba''': Has all strengths of 626, none of weaknesses. Does not sink in water, available in tasteful Earth-tone colors, and absolutely, positively, cannot be turned to good.
:'''627''': Evil, evil, evil!
:'''Pleakley''': Why would you make such an awful, snarling, clawing, growling little monster who can only say...
:'''627''': Evil!
:'''Jumba''': Ah, 626 needed a reality check. Besides, have plans lying around. You know, evil genius, use it or lose it.
:'''Pleakley''': This is completely against galactic regulations, and all good said, I'm going to--
:'''Jumba''': ''[grabs Pleakley]'' I have ''other'' old plans. Like maybe for experiment with giant finger for poking ''someone's giant eye!''
:'''Pleakley''': Well, maybe the others don't need to know just yet. As long as it doesn't do anything...
:'''627''': Evil!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[625 comes across 627 and brings him to Gantu]''
:'''625''': So just as I was talking about what a doorknob you are, this experiment fell into my lap. Sure was easy to catch him! Anyway, I just he'd be a good sidekick for you to chase experiments with, then ''both'' you knuckleheads can get creamed by the little girl and 626. Meanwhile, ''I'' can stay home and do what I do best.
:''[625 lays down on the couch until 627 blasts him with a laser beam]''
:'''625''': Nothing...
:'''Gantu''': You've got something I need: power! This could be the start of a beautiful relationship. ''[chuckles evilly]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch has been defeated by 627]''
:'''Lilo''': It was incredible! Like nothing we've seen! It was even tougher than Stitch!
:'''Stitch''': Aketaba!
:'''Jumba''': So, 626 thinks severe pounding was one-time-only fluke, eh? ''[chuckles]''
:'''Lilo''': Well, I don't. And which over experiment it is, we got to figure out how beat it.
:'''Pleakley''': I see you're searching Jumba's database of ''old'' experiments. I wonder if he has a file of more ''recent'' experiments, made as ''recently'' as, say, ''yesterday!''
:'''Jumba''': You mean like experiment made to ''poke people in eyeball?!''
:'''Stitch''': Huh?
:''[Lilo, Stitch, and Pleakley stare at Jumba suspiciously]''
:'''Jumba''': If creature you are looking for is as amazing as you say should be studied for science. ''[Pleakley points to Jumba while holding a screwdriver]'' Preserved in museum and... ''[notices Pleakley]'' Is one-eyed bigmouth trying to tell you something?
:'''Lilo''': Something about you having a screw loose.
:'''Jumba''': ''[grabs Pleakley]'' Ah, my silly friend! He is one with screw loose if he thinks I will let him tell you that I built 627! ''[stops as he realized what he just said; Lilo and Stitch gasp]'' Oh, I am very busted now!
:'''Lilo''': '''627?!''' You... made... &lt;big&gt; A '''627?!?'''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Pleakley''': Ha! Who's afraid of the finger now, big boy?! WHO'S AFRAID '''NOW?!'''
:'''Jumba''': I-I-I confess! I confess. But now you see scientific achievement! You know that 627 is even better than 626.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[625 calls Lilo after finding out 627's weakness]''
:'''Lilo''': Hello?
:'''625''': Listen, it's me: Gantu's... ex-sidekick guy.
:'''Lilo''': Sandwich boy?! Why are ''you'' calling?
:'''625''': Because I can help you beat Experiment 627.
:'''Lilo''': It's a trick, right? Why would ''you'' wanna go against Gantu?
:'''625''': Trust me. ''[627 kicks him]'' Ow! I have my reasons! That hurt!
:'''Lilo''': Uh-huh. Really... Okay, you got a deal!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after Stitch defeated 627 through laughter, he serves the next Thanksgiving dinner]''
:'''Lilo''': I'm proud of you, Stitch, for being self-cool and humble.
:'''Stitch''': Oh. 
:'''Pleakley''': And I hope Jumba has learned his lesson about making those silly evil genius experiments. We oughta to make him do the dishes!
:'''Lilo''': Yeah! Hey, where ''is'' Jumba?
:''[scene changes to Jumba in his ship, putting 627's pod back in his safe]''
:'''Jumba''': So much for Experiment 627. Perhaps I'll have better luck next time.
:''[places a pod marked 628 in his safe]''

== ''The Asteroid'' [1.20] ==
:''[Note: There are no new experiments in this episode]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo, Stitch and the hula girls are visiting the planetarium]'''
:'''All Girls''': WOW!
:'''Elena''': We're up so high, I bet we're in space already.
:'''Lilo''': This is almost as cool as the ''real'' outer space.
:'''Teresa''': Stop saying you've been to outer space, Lilo.
:'''Mertle''': Real astronauts have spacesuits. You don't got a spacesuit.
:'''Yuki, Teresa, and Elena''': ''YYEEEEEAAAAAHHH!!''
:'''Mertle''': The only place you've been is Planet Weirdo!
:'''Lilo''': But it's true! Me and Stitch-- ''[realizes Stitch is gone]'' Stitch? ''[Stitch is swinging on a planet model]'' Stitch!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch learn from eavesdropping on Cobra Bubbles that an asteroid is going to smash into Earth; Lilo sends flyers to everyone to evacuate via Jumba's ship while Stitch informs his cousins; unfortunately, none of humans believe them and don't come]''
:'''Lilo''': They're probably all just having trouble parking.
:'''Stitch''': Ih! Hamcha!
:'''Lilo''': ''[looks up in the night sky]'' I hope our new planet has this many stars, and I hope it has a beach with perfect waves, and friends, and shave ice, and fish that eat peanut butter sandwiches. ''[sighs]'' Sure would be better if we could just stay home. They're not coming, are they.
:'''Stitch''': Naga.
:'''Lilo''': Well, at least your cousins showed. How many are in there?
:'''Stitch''': ''[counts the experiments on the ship]'' Kicha!
:'''Lilo''': Only six? No one believes us.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch gets an idea to get Digger and Richter to go on the asteroid and destroy it, saving Earth]''
:'''Jumba''': Crazy idea. 
:'''Lilo''': So crazy that it might actually work, right?
:'''Jumba''': No. Just crazy.
:'''Nani''': Lilo, what's going on here?
:'''Lilo''': I told you. There's an asteroid heading towards Earth. We were going to evacuate everyone, but I think we'll go on a secret mission to destroy the asteroid instead.
:'''Nani''': Lilo, there hasn't been anything on the news about this. Anyone who'd believe you would have to be completely lolo!
:'''Surfer''': Yo, dudes! Hey, sorry I'm late. Just stopped for a pepperoni slice. ''[walks into Jumba's ship]''
:'''Lilo''': See? It's true! Ask Cobra Bubbles. He knows!
:'''Nani''': Okay! I'll call him. Nobody makes one single move until I get back! ''[leaves]''
:'''Lilo''': Let's go.
:''[Lilo, Stitch, and Jumba run into the ship]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[as Jumba's ship heads towards the asteroid, Stitch's cousins begin to cause havoc; Sparky zaps Hammerface in the rear end, Digger digs into his seat, Kixx kicks the back of Spooky's seat, and Spooky retaliates by frightening him with a scary face]''
:'''Lilo''': They seem a little restless. 
:'''Surfer''': You said there'd be peanuts!
:'''Lilo''': They need peanuts, and sodas, and swizzle sticks.
:'''Pleakley''': Uh-uh! I'm not going anywhere near those little monsters! ''You'' go!
:'''Lilo''': But I'm too little to fit into the stewardess outfit.
:''[scene changes to Pleakley in the stewardess outfit pushing a cart of consessions]''
:'''Pleakley''': Soda! Peanuts! ''[Kixx reaches his hand to grab a soda, but Pleakley slaps him]'' Don't be grabby! There's enough for everyone!
:''[Kixx, impatient, spins wildy, knocking Pleakley out, and he grabs a bag of peanuts]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo learns that the asteroid is home to a small crabby alien]''
:'''Lilo''': We can't blow up this asteroid!
:'''Jumba''': Excusing me?! But is your idea!
:'''Lilo''': This is that crabby guy's home, and he loves it. Just like we love the Earth. We can't destroy it.
:'''Jumba''': Can't destroy Earth, can't destroy asteroid... Wait... HA! I am more genius! I am having a theory. If Jumba designed hyperdrive to move ship millions of miles to Kweltiquan, it can perhaps move asteroid off course with Earth.
:'''Lilo''':  You mean, we can save Earth ''and'' the asteroid? ''[Jumba winks at her]'' Way to go, Jumba! You're hardly evil at all!
:'''Pleakley''': But... if we put the hyperdrive on the asteroid, we won't be able to cross the vast distances involved in interstellar travel. You and I might never be able to return to our home planets!
:'''Jumba''': We have home planet, with little girl, and bigger girl, on Earth.
:'''Pleakley''': Okay, you got me... you big jerk!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after the gang succeed in moving the asteroid off course by inserting the hyperdrive in it, they return home]''
:'''Cobra Bubbles''': I speak not only for myself, but for everyone on Earth when I say thank you for saving our collective posterior.
:'''Lilo''': So... Where's the plaque? The commendation from the president? The key to the Earth?
:'''Cobra Bubbles''': The government prefers to take the stance that the threat of annihilation never actually existed. But I did manage to swing this. ''[hands Lilo a document]''
:'''Lilo''': &quot;This document officially states that Lilo and Stitch are honorary agents in the Earth Defense Agency, Under 12 and Illegal Experiment division.&quot; Cool! I bet not even Elvis got one of these.

== ''Topper (Experiment 025)'' [1.21: Christmas Special] ==
:''[Lilo and Stitch sneak into the attic to find where Nani hid there Christmas presents]''
:'''Lilo''': Every year, Nani hides our Christmas presents. It's my job as a little sister to find them. It's another Hawaiian Christmas tradition. ''[Lilo opens a chest to find the presents]'' She's so predictable. This is where she hid them last year.
:'''Stitch''': ''[reaches and grabs a present from the chest]'' Oooh. Present.
:'''Lilo''': No! ''[takes the present]'' You can't open it! You never a open presents before Christmas! That's the rule. But... you can shake them to figure out what they are. ''[shakes the present]'' Maybe it's the shrunken head I keep asking for. I tried making my own, but Mertle wouldn't hold still. 
:'''Stitch''': ''[grabs the whole stack of presents]'' Abataka! 
:'''Lilo''': No! You can't have all those!
:'''Stitch''': No, no, no!
:'''Lilo''': Christmas isn't just about getting presents! ''[Stitch puts the presents back]'' It's okay to like the presents. Just don't ''act'' like you like them. That's what I do.
:''[they suddenly hear Jumba and Pleakley singing Jingle Bells off-key]''
:'''Lilo''': Sounds like something's attacking Jumba and Pleakley.
:''[she suddenly notices Stitch hiding a present in his mouth; Lilo glares at him, and he spits it out and puts it back in the chest]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[625 is putting up decorations in Gantu's ship]''
:'''625''': ''On the first day of Christmas, I just made for me.... a saaaaaaaaaandwich'' ''[Gantu gets caught in a decoration]'' Hey, flounder face! We've you been? Grab a holiday hoagie and enjoy the party!
:'''Gantu''': You can waste your time with this ridiculous Earth custom if you want, but for once, I have the upper hand. Hämsterviel's been on the rampage lately, but this should please him. ''[pulls out an experiment pod]'' I've obtained a dormant experiment pod.
:'''625''': Now just ho-ho-hold on a minute there, tuna toes! You're not just gonna transport the pod to Hämsterviel, are ya? It's Christmas! Everybody's giving each other gifts.
:'''Gantu''': Perhaps you're right. If I wrap this up in holiday paper with a bow, it might get the little gerbil off my dorsal fin.
:'''625''': Sure! Everyone likes getting presents, even megalomaniacal rodents with delusions of galactic domination.
:'''Gantu''': Hmm.... I should get this wrapped. ''[leaves to get wrapping supplies]''
:'''625''': Oh, hey, hey! If you wanna blend in out there, you better where a red suit and hat! Everyone's wearing 'em!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch has seen the experiment pod 025 being wrapped in a present and mailed into a truck; Stitch goes from door to door taking gifts to see which one of them contains the pod]''
:'''Jumba''': Open up, you greedy little genetic mistake!
:'''Lilo''': What's going on? 
:'''Jumba''': Ah, little girl. 626 has many gifts that he is keeping to himself.
:'''Lilo''': Stitch! What are we gonna do with you? You've torn up half the town, stolen presents, made little kids cry. It's like your the spirit of Christmas ruin.
:'''Jumba''': ''[pulls out his plasma gun]'' I will teach him to share brightly wrapped goodies with evil genius '''WHO CREATED HIM!!!'''
:'''Lilo''': Don't! There's something wrong with Stitch. He needs our help. I know a secret way in.
:''[Lilo and Jumba go through the secret entrance to the attic just as Stitch peaks through the main entrance; Jumba grabs Stitch and an unseen fight occurs]''
:'''Jumba''': Yeah! Got you!
:'''Lilo''': Jumba, look out!
:''[Jumba falls through the main entrance]''
:'''Lilo''': Are you okay?
:'''Jumba''': Ah, I'm okay! I landed on my patookie!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after Lilo and Jumba learns Stitch's true intention for taking the presents, Gantu comes in, disguised as Santa Clause, and tears through the house while giving no attention to Pleakley, who is trying to be a Christmas tree]''
:'''Jumba''': ''[repairing the house]'' Hey, what is wrong? Why the long branches?
:'''Pleakley''': I'm doing my best to represent a coniferous evergreen indicative of the holiday season, but no one seems to care!
:'''Jumba''': Heh. Maybe you need festive parcels.
:'''Pleakley''': What?
:'''Jumba''': Presents for to have underneath you.
:'''Pleakley''': Of course! Presents under the Christmas tree! I've been going about this backwards! Christmas isn't about the tree, it's about the presents under it! 
:'''Jumba''': 626 and little girl are stalking Gantu. They will bring presents.
:'''Pleakley''': No, no, no! I have to get my own! Otherwise, it doesn't really count! Jumba, it's time we took a little trip, to the mall!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Gantu''': ''[gets ready to stomp on Lilo]'' I should have done this a long time ago!
:'''Lilo''': Go ahead! You've already ruined Christmas for everyone!
:'''Gantu''': ''I'' ruined Christmas?! You're the one who took the present I was planning to give to Hämsterviel!
:'''Lilo''': You were going to give Hämsterviel a gift?
:'''Gantu''': Well, yes. Isn't that what your Christmas holiday is all about? Giving presents.
:'''Lilo''': Actually, you're right. 
:'''Stitch''': Ichalagu?
:'''Lilo''': It's not about getting presents. It's about giving.
:'''Little Girl''': Santa? Do ''I'' get a present?
:'''Gantu''': You?! A proto Earth form? Don't be ridiculous! Why would I-- ''[the girl gives him a sad look]'' No! That's not fair! Stop looking at me like that! Seize using your ocular orbs against sympathy! ''[sighs]'' This is an infectious holiday you have on this planet. Perhaps this is a present we could ''all'' enjoy. I can always find something else to send to Hämsterviel. ''[gives the present to the little girl]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo activates 025, now named Topper and places it on top of a Christmas tree as its one true place; not too far from Earth, some aliens notice Topper's flashing]''
:'''Alien 1''': Hey, who turned on the signal beacon?
:'''Alien 2''': Who cares? They got fruitcake down there! Come on, guys!
:''[the aliens cheer as they come towards Earth to join the festivities]''

== ''Melty (Experiment 228)'' [1.22] ==
:''[625 looks up at the containment computer]''
:'''Computer''': Experiment 228 activated. Primary function: liquefaction of enemy fortresses, weaponry, and transportation.
:'''625''': Hey, Gantu! I think there's a melting experiment loose. Bet he'd make a good grilled cheese sandwich, huh? ''[Gantu is fast asleep]'' Hey! Aw, you know, he really is kinda cute when he's beached. I just can't bear to wake him up. ''[puts a blanket over Gantu]'' You just rest.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[the clock strikes noon at the Birds of Paradise hotel; Melty knocks Lilo into a mud puddle and Stitch chases after him; Keoni notices Lilo]''
:'''Keoni''': Lemme give you a hand.
:'''Lilo''': No, I'm okay. I... I meant to do that! 'Cause... I'm practicing for a hula... about a mud monster. ''[nervously dances]''
:'''Keoni''': Okay, see you later. ''[leaves]''
:'''Lilo''': ''[to herself]'' &quot;I'm practicing for a hula about a mud monster&quot;?! What a loser!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch return home with Melty]''
:'''Lilo''': I'm gonna change my identity and move out of town. What do you think of the name Tiffany? With an I.
:'''Stitch''': Eww!
:'''Lilo''': Or I could just go back in time and take a do-over.
:'''Pleakley''': Oh, no, young lady! No time time travel until you clean your room!
:'''Lilo''': Uh, I was kidding.
:'''Pleakley''': Uh, I was afraid you were gonna drag out that old time machine Jumba was working on.
:'''Lilo''': Jumba made a time machine?
:'''Pleakley''': ''[realizes his mistake]'' Did I say time machine? ''[chuckles nervously]'' No, I meant ''rhyme'' machine. Helps you best a funky rhyme! ''[raps]'' ''My name is Pleakley, and I'm all about style! From my dresses, to my curtains, to my bathroom tile!''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch use Jumba's time-traveling surfboard to back to the time when Lilo fell in the mud to do it over; Stitch captures Melty again, but not before Melty destroys the hotel, causing Nani to lose her job]''
:'''Lilo''': We're gonna fix this, and this time, we're gonna have a plan so we can get it right. ''[gestures to a blue shoe Monopoly piece]'' This is you... ''[puts down a red car piece]'' and this is me.
:'''Stitch''': Stitch car!
:'''Lilo''': Fine. ''[swaps the car and the shoe]'' ''You'' be the car.
:'''Stitch''': ''[plays with the car]'' Vroom, vroom!
:'''Lilo''': Stitch, pay attention! We have to get it all perfect this time!
:'''Stitch''': Humph! ''[puts the car back]''
:'''Lilo''': Now, this is you, this is me... ''[puts down an orange game piece]'' and this is the experiment. If the experiment goes inside the hotel again, you don't follow it into the lobby. Instead, you go over the roof, like you did the first time, got it?
:'''Stitch''': Roof! Ih!
:'''Lilo''': Meanwhile, I'll make lady conversation with Keoni.
:'''Stitch''': Ih... huh?
:'''Lilo''': Since we're going back anyways, I figure I could do it even better this time.
:'''Stitch''': Whatever!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after many failed attempts to do it over, Lilo and Stitch decide to travel 5 minutes earlier than usual; however, they find themselves at the front of a prison camp]''
:'''Lilo''': ''[notices the time machine labeled &quot;future&quot;]'' Uh-oh. You turned the dial the wrong way. Instead of going backward, you went forward. ''Way'' forward. We better go back to 12:00.
:'''Stitch''': Uh-huh. ''[sets the time]''
:'''Future Jumba''': ''[wearing tattered clothing and eyepatches]'' Experiment 626, you're alive?!
:'''Stitch''': Eh?! ''[pull the switch and goes back in time with Lilo]''
:'''Future Jumba''': Hmm. Was that ''my'' time-surfing board?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after Lilo and Stitch finally got their method down to perfection, Stitch blows a feather off his arm, causing a coconut to fall of the stand and be hit by a golf club and hit Gantu's ship, waking Gantu]''
:'''Gantu''': What was that?!
:'''625''': Hey, Rip Van Fishhead. You had a good nap?
:'''Gantu''': Wonderful. Anything happen while I was asleep?
:'''625''': Ah, the usual: I made sandwiches, an experiment was activated. Nothing new really.
:'''Gantu''': WHAT?! ''[goes off to capture Melty]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Lilo''': Okay, so we go back one more time, and...
:'''Stitch''': ''[points to the time machine]'' Time machine!
:''[The time machine melts]''
:'''Lilo''': Okay, so we melted the time machine, our house is gone, and Gantu took the experiment. But at least Nani kept her job.
:'''Nani''': ''[offscreen]'' Lilo! I just lost my job. ''[realizes the house has melted]'' What happened to the house?!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after the time machine was destroyed by Melty, Future Jumba appears with another]''
:'''Future Jumba''': Little girl, 626, I have arrived to saving your behinds!
:'''Stitch''': Jumba?
:'''Lilo''': You brought us a new time machine!
:'''Future Jumba''': It has taken decades for to realize what happened here so long ago. From the day I showed you my time-surfer, fabric of time was broken. House was melted, our little family broken beyond compare, I lost two of my eyesights, and yech! Don't even ask what happened to Pleakley! It was not until I saw you surfing through time that I was having two and two!
:'''Lilo''': I'm sorry I ruined the future.
:'''Future Jumba''': Little girl, you can fix everything, but only one way: You must go back to beginning and relive it exactly as it originally happened.
:'''Lilo''': You mean, I'll have to humiliate myself in front of Keoni?
:'''Future Jumba''': A broken time strand can only be repaired when relived exactly. But more important, is accepting of your mistake. If you are dwelling in past, you cannot be living in present, and will lose sight of future. Now, get going before something melts this machine, too! ''[laughs]'' Go, go!
:'''Lilo''': Thanks, Jumba! ''[she and Stitch go back in time]''
:'''Future Jumba''': Good luck, little girl!
:''[Present Jumba appears]''
:'''Jumba''': What are you doing here?!
:'''Future Jumba''': I have come to give you warning: Whatever you do, do not build robot wife! Too easy for them to hack into bank account!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after Lilo and Stitch relive the moment exactly as it was the first time, they capture Melty and Lilo learns to do better tomorrow; Gantu wakes up in his ship]''
:'''625''': Hey, sleepyhead. You had a good nap?
:'''Gantu''': Wonderful. Anything happened while I was asleep?
:'''625''': Ah, the usual. I made sandwiches, etched the laser tattograph on your patookie, nothing new, really.
:'''Gantu''': ''You lasered my '''PATOOKIE?!'''''
:'''625''': ''[laughs]'' You are one deep sleeper, my friend. It's actually a wonderful likeness of, uh, ''moi.'' You wanna see?
:'''Gantu''': Wanna see '''''THIS?!''''' ''[shoots his blaster at 625]''

== ''Houdini (Experiment 604)'' [1.23] ==
:''[Stitch does a magic show that does not exactly go as planned]''
:'''Lilo''': ''[whispers to Jumba]'' You can't tell them how bad they are. It might hurt their self-esteem.
:'''Pleakley''': Aside from [[w:Sawing a woman in half|the last trick]] which does need polishing, and the rest of the tricks that need to be completely overhauled, what do you think?
:'''Jumba''': Well, it's completely...
:'''Lilo''': Amazing! Absolutely, completely amazing!
:'''Pleakley''': Good! 'Cause we have our first gig at Mertle's half birthday tomorrow!
:'''Jumba''': &quot;Half birthday&quot;?
:'''Lilo''': She's so spoiled she gets two a year.
:'''Pleakley''': And we wouldn't want to fail there! In front of all your friends. ''[Lilo is shocked and embarrassed by the comment]'' Imagine how embarrassing that'd be!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[625 returns after picking up groceries]''
:'''625''': Hey, Gantu! So, I'm at the galley, getting some from fresh cold-cuts, and guess what I find nestled in with the tomatoes! TADA! ''[holds up an experiment pod marked 611]''
:'''Gantu''': An experiment?! Give me that! ''[swipes the pod from 625 and looks up 611 from the container computer]''
:'''Computer''': Experiment 611. Primary function: ultimate super weapon.
:'''625''': Wow! I found that?! Great! So, can I take early retirement?
:''[Gantu contacts Hämsteviel, who is wearing pajamas and holding a teddy bear]''
:'''Hämsterviel''': Gantu, you know not to call during my power nap!
:'''Gantu''': My apologies, sir, but I thought you'd like to know that ''I'' recovered an ultimate super weapon experiment for you!
:'''625''': What?! 
:'''Hämsterviel''': Stop making absurd with your absurdities! You could never manage such an important capture!
:'''625''': He didn't! I--
:'''Gantu''': ''[pushes 625 down]'' I'll have it in the transporter within the hour, sir.
:'''Hämsterviel''': Excellent! Now get out there and find me another experiment! ''[turns off contact]''
:'''Computer''': Warning. Experiment 604 activated. Primary function: invisibility generator.
:'''Gantu''': That's one of the pods I lost to the little girl. If I find her, I find the experiment.
:'''625''': Hey, squid breath! Taking credit for my capture is ''bad'' karma! As in... '''YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS!!!'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo uses 604, now named [[w:Harry Houdini|Houdini]], to help Stitch with his magic act; Mertle sees Houdini and takes his picture, flash-blinding him and accidentally making Stitch and all of Mertle's party favors and houseinvisible]''
:'''Aunt Stacy''': ''[dials on her phone]'' Barry? Stacy. I am standing here looking at the star of your next prime time special! Send me a camera crew.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu stalks an invisible who Houdini with heat vision goggles]''
:'''Gantu''': You're invisibility won't help you this time, runt. These goggles see heat! ''[his cell phone rings, causing Houdini to run away]'' 625, what do you want?!
:'''625''': Have you told Hämsterviel that I caught the super weapon yet?!
:'''Gantu''': Don't ever call me while I'm working!
:'''625''': ''BAD KARMA!!!''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo realizes that she accidentally grabbed an invisible Houdini while Gantu ran off with an invisible Stitch]''
:'''Pleakley''': Lookie here. I promised Mertle's Aunt Stacy the Stupendous Stitch would make a lighthouse disappear! And by golly, she's going to get the Stupendous Stitch MAKING A LIGHTHOUSE DISAPPEAR!
:''[Houdini, frightened by Pleakley disappears and runs off]''
:'''Lilo''': You spooked him! Houdini, wait! Great. No Stitch, no Houdini, and national TV waiting! Could it get any worse?!
:'''Jumba''': And don't forget, not-so-friendly friend Mertle is waiting to ridicule you. ''[laughs]''
:'''Lilo''': Right. Thanks for reminding me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu runs off with what appears to be an invisible Houdini]''
:'''Lilo''': Stitch! I can't believe you just gave him... ''[Houdini turns visible again]'' Houdini?! You gave him the empty container. That's quite a magic trick, Mr. Stupendous.
:'''Stitch''': Thank you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Gantu''': What do you mean the container is empty?!
:'''Hämsterviel''': '''''EMPTY!!!!''''' Like your head, you worthless lackey!
:'''Gantu''': May, I remind that I captured Experiment 611, the ultimate super weapon?!
:'''Hämsterviel''': You were looking at it '''''UPSIDE DOWN!!!''''' You sent me Experiment 119, a sticky chocolate experiment designed to smother with it's gooey sweetness! ''[119 (AKA Fudgy) covers Hamsterviel with chocolate]'' Help! Help! Gantu! You will pay for this!
:'''Gantu''': ''[to 625; threateningly]'' If you say one word--
:'''625''': Karma! Karma, karma, karma! ''[Gantu hits him]'' OWWW!!!

== ''Sinker (Experiment 602)'' [1.24] ==
:''[Keoni is waxing a sailboat as Lilo and Stitch arrive]''
:'''Lilo''': Hey, Keoni!
:'''Keoni''': Hey, Lilo. Thanks for coming out. You bring the stopwatch?
:'''Lilo''': Yep. You think you're gonna qualify for the boat race?
:'''Keoni''': Trying to. If I don't practice I don't have a chance. First prize is a new outrigger. I'll signal you when I'm past the break.
:'''Lilo''': ''[to Stitch]'' And if I help him win, I bet there'll be a free boat ride included for me. ''[pulls out a peanut butter sandwich from her bag]'' You set up the chairs, I'm gonna go feed Pudge. I'll be right back.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu arrives at the Rental Hut, disguised as a tourist]''
:'''Gantu''': Hello. My name is Mr. John Bob Jonesmith. I'm a normal Earth tourist, and I would like to rent a boat.
:'''Nani''': You're not fooling anyone, ''Gantu''.
:'''625''': Told ya, flounder face. Blubber's still blubber, no matter how you dress it up. Ice cream sandwich?
:'''Gantu''': Quiet, you! ''[to Nani]'' I require the use of a watercraft ''now''!
:'''Nani''': ''[smug]'' Fine. You wanna rent stuff? I'll rent you stuff!
:''[scene cuts to Gantu overly dressed in aquatic gear]''
:'''625''': Whoa! Captain Clam, what happened? Did the bait shop explode?
:'''Gantu''': She said I needed all this. Now, let's go! We've got an experiment to catch! ''[trips on his small flippers and crushes his boat]'' I think I crushed my dinghy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Jumba converts the buggy to a boat so Lilo and Stitch can capture 602' Jumba watches them via binoculars]''
:'''Pleakley''': See anything? How're they doing?
:'''Jumba''': Little girl and 626 are in position, but the waves keep rocking the boat, making it difficult to get a clear view. Back and forth... Up and down... ''[Pleakley's face turns green at the thought of the boat rocking]'' Back and forth... Up and down...
:'''Pleakley''': I think I'm gonna heave-ho! ''[topples over]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after the buggy was destroyed by Sinker, Lilo, Stitch, Jumba, and Pleakley hitch a ride on a cruse ship; Lilo plans to warn the captain about Sinker, but Stitch destroys the banquet hall]''
:'''Tiffany''': Well, it looks like someone's been a naughty-waughty dog, haven't they?
:'''Lilo''': Busted. 
:'''Tiffany''': I'm Tiffany, the cruise director. Are you just the cutest little girly-wirly? Woo, I could just eat you up!
:'''Lilo''': Please stop talking like that.
:'''Tiffany''': It's not a good idea for a cute little giddle-bumpkin like you to be wandering around unsupervised.
:'''Lilo''': We're on our way to see the captain.
:'''Tiffany''': ''[laughs]'' That is so cute! You wanna see the captain. Follow me.
:''[scene changes to Lilo and Stitch being stuck in the ships' kindergarten]''
:'''Lilo''': I knew she was too perky to be trusted!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch has successfully captured Sinker; Gantu and 625 are trapped on a desert island]''
:'''625''': Well, look at the bright side, Mr. Blubber. Even ''you'' can't sink this. ''[carves a pile of sand to like a sandwich]'' ''Sand''-wich?
:''[Gantu angrily grabs 625, adding weight on his side of the island and tipping it over]''

== ''Nosy (Experiment 199)'' [1.25] ==
:''[Note: [[w:Bobcat Goldthwait|Bobcat Goldthwait]] (the voice of Pain from [[w:Hercules (1997 film)|Hercules]]) makes a surprise role as the voice of Nosy]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo, Stitch and Pleakley are having a [[w:poi|poi]] balloon fight in the house; Pleakley throws a balloon close to Nani as she arrives]''
:'''Nani''': Who threw that?!
:''[Lilo and Stitch point to Pleakley]''
:'''Pleakley''': I was just gardening! They lured me into their evil poi balloon battle!
:'''Nani''': Look at this kitchen! Mr. Jameson's gonna think I'm a total slob!
:'''Lilo''': Mr. Jameson? As in father of Keoni Jameson?
:'''Nani''': As in the son of my potential new boss! They're both coming to brunch tomorrow!
:'''Lilo''': Keoni's coming here?! You gotta clean up this mess, Nani. ''[Nani glares at her angrily]'' Well, Stitch and I are going to the movies. Gotta hurry to catch that first show!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch pins down Nosy after he spoils the movie for him and Lilo]''
:'''Nosy''': Hey, ow! What gives, blue guy?!
:'''Lilo''': Stitch, leave that kid alone!
:'''Stitch''': Naga kid! ''[pulls out Nosy's disguise]'' Cousin!
:'''Lilo''': Good eye.
:'''Nosy''': Yo, easy, Fido! I'm an alien experiment, not a dog toy.
:'''Lilo''': We know, and we're gonna help you find the one place where you truly belong.
:'''Nosy''': What are you, a greetin' card?
:''[Lilo unzips her bag]''
:'''Nosy''': Hey, what's in that bag of yours? ''[grabs the bag and looks through it]''
:'''Lilo''': Hey! 
:'''Nosy''': ''[pulls out Lilo's diary]'' Oooh, a diary!
:'''Stitch''': Agaba! ''[snatches the diary and gives it back to Lilo]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Jumba''': Ah! 199! One of my favorites.
:'''Lilo''': Says here he... &quot;digs up dirt&quot;?
:'''Jumba''': Not to be taken literally. 199 is like spy, designed to get nose into everybody's business.
:'''Nosy''': ''[walks in holding a book]'' Look what I found!
:'''Lilo''': My secret catalog of local vampires. I've been looking for that everywhere.
:'''Nosy''': Found it under 626's pillow!
:''[Lilo glares at Stitch, who then glares at Nosy]''
:'''Jumba''': ''[chuckles]'' You see? 199 is very nosy.
:'''Lilo''': Nosy, huh? Then why'd you make him?
:'''Jumba''': Why else? To humiliate enemies by digging up most embarrassing secrets. 199 is quite entertaining with so much juicy gossip, no?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Pleakley is forcing Lilo, Stitch, and Jumba to learn better etiquette for the Jamesons]''
:'''Pleakley''': ''[he blow the whistle]'' Roll-call, everybody dressed?
:'''Jumba''': Cannot breathing into tight disco pants, oh! Must drop anything.
:'''Stitch''': Ta-da. ''[he walks downstairs but he step his tie and he trips, rolling on downstairs to Lilo]'' Ta-da.
:'''Pleakley''': Hmmm... Actually, I was more comfortable with a dog disguise.
:'''Stitch''': Oh...
:'''Nani''': Pleakley, I got more eggs for the... AUGH! Pleakley! They're gonna be here in less than an hour! You're supposed to be cooking!
:'''Pleakley''': Don't worry your little head, Nani. The traditional [[w:yule log|yule log]] is roasting as we speak.
:'''Nani''': Yule log? But it's summer!
:'''Pleakley''': Well, Helen the hostess featured one on her show just yesterday. I think she knows what she's doing.
:'''Nani''': That was a '''rerun!''' Yule logs are for December, and they're not food! ''[doorbell rings]'' Whoever it is, tell them to...
:'''Mr. Jameson''': Aloha. We thought we'd arrive early to help, that's what Aloha hospitality is all about.
:'''Nani''': ''[chuckles]'' Right. Come on in.
:'''Pleakley''': You know, Helen the hostess says, it's rude to arrive before...''[Nani elbows him]''
:'''Nani''': Um...Mr. Jameson, this is my Aunt Pleakley, my Uncle Jumba, my sister Lilo and our...dog. Who dresses up sometimes.
:'''Jumba''': So nice for to be making your acquaintance seeing, Mr. Emerson.
:'''Pleakley''': It's Jameson, dear. ''[chuckles]'' He's not good with names. Sometimes forgets mine. ''[chuckles]'' 
:'''Lilo''': Hey, Keoni.
:'''Keoni''': Sup, Lilo.
:'''Nosy''': Guess what I found out? Jumba, Pleakley, and Stitch, they're all aliens! But, hey! Who am I'm a judge? I'm an alien, too!
:''[Nani gasped]''
:'''Mr. Jameson''': I beg your pardon?
:'''Nosy''': Hey, you're Keoni! Lilo keeps a bunch of pictures of you in her diary. ''[as Stitch drags him and walks off]'' Boy, does she have a crush on you.
:'''Lilo''': Oh, no.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch gives Nosy to Gantu to keep him out of the way during Mr. Jameson's visit]''
:'''Nosy''': Hello, shorty! Hey, you're Gantu, the big dummy Lilo drew all those pictures of.
:'''Gantu''': Well, yes. I mean, no! I mean-- Who are you?! 
:'''Nosy''': Experiment 199, at your service!
:'''Gantu''': 199?! I've been searching for you since your activation!
:'''625''': Who is this guy? The big-nose experiment?
:'''Gantu''': It's the snooping experiment! The foolish Earth girl and the trog gave it to me!
:'''Nosy''': You mean Lilo and Stitch? Boy, do I got some dirt on them!
:'''Gantu''': Really? Tel me everything you know about their experiment files.
:'''Nosy''': Who cares about the experiments? You should hear about the love letters I found in Jumba's drawer!
:'''625''': Ooh, I'm all ears!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu, annoyed by Nosy's talking, sends him to Hämsterviel]''
:'''Hämsterviel''': Tell me, you unattractive talking experiment with such a gigantic nose, what do Gantu and 625 say about me?
:'''Nosy''': Not much. They mostly just sit around making up names for you. Rat-face...
:'''Hämsterviel''': What?!
:'''Nosy''': Hämsterjerk...
:'''Hämsterviel''': What?!
:'''Nosy''': Geisterviel!
:'''Hämsterviel''': WHAT?!
:'''Nosy''': If you want, I should repeat them?
:'''Hämsterviel''': NO!! I reject you and your huge nose! I'm sending you back to Gantu with some unflattering nicknaming of my own! ''[teleports Nosy back to Gantu's ship]''
:'''625''': ''[notices Nosy]'' Hey! ''[throws his magazine at Gantu]''
:'''Gantu''': HEY!!
:'''625''': The town gossip's back!
:'''Gantu''': You again?!
:'''Nosy''': Snagged rat-face's journal! It's gold!
:'''Gantu''': Really?
:'''Nosy''': Did you know Hämsterviel sleeps with a pacifier? He also wears platform shoes to make him look threatening. ''[Gantu takes the journal]'' And his dental habits, don't get me started!
:'''Gantu''': ''[whispers to 625]'' Get rid of him.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''625''': Gantu wears what?!
:'''Nosy''': He wears bunny slippers. I saw him waking around in them.
:'''625''': Get out!
:'''Gantu''': Keep it down out there!
:'''Nosy''': Wanna hear about Gantu's obsession with karaoke?
:'''625''': Pray tell!

== ''Finder (Experiment 158)'' [1.26] ==
:''[Note: This episode misnumbers Finder as 458]

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch find Experiment 158]''
:'''Lilo''': He sure is a cute little fella.
:'''Stitch''': Humph!
:'''Lilo''': But not as cute as you, Stitch. Now, we just have to figure out what he can do.
:'''Nani''': ''[dashes in]'' Has anyone seen my keys?! I am so late! My boss is gonna fire me so hard. ''[opens Stitch's mouth]'' Did you eat them?!
:'''Stitch''': Oh, no.
:''[158 dashes into the kitchen and sniffs around a bit, and then honks and points at the fridge]''
:'''Nani''': Oh, I don't have time for this! Lilo! Your experiment's hungry!
:'''Stitch''': ''[opens the fridge and grabs Nani's keys]'' Egata! Haka!
:'''Nani''': My keys! ''[realizes]'' What were they doing in the fridge?
:'''Lilo''': Wow! He must be able to find things. I'm gonna name you Finder. I bet Finder's even better and finding stuff than you, Stitch.
:''[Stitch growls angrily and then dashes into the living room and rips up the couch, pulling out some items and showing them to Lilo]''
:'''Lilo''': Paper clip, nail file, 14 cents, and a... ''[pulls out a piece of paper]'' Jury duty summons.
:'''Nani''': ''[snatches the paper]'' That's mine.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch is playing a poker game with Ritcher, Cannonball, Yin, and Yang, and Yang ends up winning with four aces, claiming a stack of cookies, as Lilo and Finder return home]''
:'''Lilo''': We really got Mertle good, didn't we? 
:'''Nani''': ''[getting herself ready for a date while putting on some earrings]'' Who got Mertle good? 
:'''Lilo''': Finder and me. Finder was a better show and tell than her boring old doll. 
:'''Stitch''': ''[sulks in disappointment]'' Oh. 
:'''Nani''': Gloating isn't nice, Lilo. 
:'''Lilo''': ''[confused]'' What's gloating? 
:'''Nani''': Gloating is when you're happy about being better than someone else, but in a mean way. 
:'''Lilo''': But Mertle does that all the time. 
:'''Nani''': You wanna be like Mertle? 
:'''Lilo''': No.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after Jumba and Pleakley receive a message from the Grand Councilwoman that Hämsterviel escaped prison]''
:'''Pleakley''': I can't believe it. The Grand Councilwoman of the Galactic Federation never calls us unless.. ''[grabs Jumba by his shirt]'' INTERGALACTIC ANNIHILATION IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER!!! '''WHAT DO WE DO?!?'''
:'''Jumba''': First step is to be gaining composure and LETTING GO OF ME!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Hämsterviel, trying to escape from Finder, bumps into Mertle outside the pet shop]''
:'''Mertle''': A talking gerbil!
:'''Hämsterviel''': I AM NOT A GERBIL!! And what are you staring at, you multiple-eyed biped? Have you never before seen a criminal genius? ''[Mertle picks him up and puts him in her backpack]'' Unhand me, or I will have you and all members of your family ruined in-physically!
:'''Mertle''': Wait'll I take ''him'' to show-and-tell.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu is forced by 625 to make sandwiches for him]''
:'''625''': No, no, no. You're slicing them too thick! You have to be able to fit'em in your mouth. Well, ''my'' mouth, which is much smaller than your grotesque maw. Now, lay some mustard on me, baby!
:'''Computer''': Incoming communication from...
:'''Grand Councilwoman''': Grand Councilwoman of the Galactic Federation.
:''[Gantu pushes 625 and the sandwich ingredients aside]''
:'''Grand Councilwoman''': Gantu, I have an offer for you. If you're successful, it could mean reinstatement of your captain's rank.
:'''Gantu''': I'll do anything!
:'''Grand Councilwoman''': But you haven't heard what it is yet!
:'''Gantu''': I don't care! ''Lay some mustard on me, baby!'' I mean, ma'am. Terribly sorry. Please, go ahead.
:'''Grand Councilwoman''': It's about the escape Dr. Hämsterviel. I know you are... associated with him. But if you capture him and turn him over to us, all will be forgiven.
:''[Gantu chuckles evilly]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch is in the animal shelter after failing to catch Hämsterviel at Mertle's house]''
:'''Lilo''': Stitch? Stitch, what were you doing at Mertle's?
:'''Stitch''': Oh... Hämsterviel.
:'''Lilo''': You were trying to find Hämsterviel without us? But why? ''[Stitch sees Finder and growls at him]'' Oh. 'Cause you wanted to find him before Finder did. ''[guilty]'' I guess I kinda made you feel inferior, huh? Stitch, you're number one at so many things. You shouldn't be upset if you aren't number one at everything. 
:'''Stitch''': ''[sighs]'' Okay, okay.
:'''Lilo''': Besides, Finder made a mistake. Hämsterviel's not at Mertle's.
:''[Stitch chuckles, knowing otherwise]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Mertle is talking to Hämsterviel]''
:'''Mertle''': And I'm sorta the leader of these girls. But sometimes, I think they don't even like me.
:'''Hämsterviel''': Ah! That is your first mistake! It doesn't matter if your minions like you. They only need to ''fear'' you!
:'''Mertle''': Huh. I never thought about that way. ''[hears a ship landing outside]'' Now what? 
:'''Gantu''': Dr. Hämsterviel, I am here to apprehend you on orders of the Galactic Federation!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu kidnaps Hämsterviel and Mertle and taking them to the Grand Councilwoman]''
:'''Mertle''': This looks familiar.
:'''Hämsterviel''': I cannot believe this aquatic excuse for a captain! He has turned on me!
:'''Mertle''': It's like you said: Where's the loyalty?
:'''Hämsterviel''': Gantu is a disgrace! You, a mere child of a primate peoples, could do his job a hundred... no, a ''thousand'' times better!
:'''Mertle''': I could?
:'''Hämsterviel''': Believe me, you could! Perhaps, when you have completed your education, you could come work for me!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch pulls on a panel in Gantu's ship, causing it to crash land]''
:'''Gantu''': Now I won't be able to deliver Hämsterviel to the Councilwoman!
:'''Grand Councilwoman''': No need to worry about that. I came to you. Guards? ''[her guards go into Gantu's ship to take Hämsterviel]''
:'''Gantu''': I fulfilled my part of the bargain. I caught Hämsterviel! Where is my reward?
:'''Grand Councilwoman''': I suppose you do...
:'''Lilo''': Where's Mertle?!
:'''Grand Councilwoman''': What is a... Mertle?
:'''Lilo''': She's a little girl, like me. Gantu grabbed her when he took Hämsterviel!
:'''Grand Councilwoman''': ''[to Gantu]'' Is this true?
:'''Gantu''': Oh, uh, I'm not sure. I haven't really looked. I suppose it's possible.
:'''Grand Councilwoman''': So, you put an innocent girl in danger. ''[sighs]'' You always did have a problem with ethics. My offer is therefore rescinded.
:''[the Grand Councilwoman's guards carry Hämsterviel to her ship]''
:'''Hämsterviel''': Let me go, you wretched olive-shaped woman with backwards legs! 
:'''Grand Councilwoman''': ''[to Lilo]'' The Galactic Federation thanks you for your help. 
:'''Lilo''': Yeah. I only wish I knew what happened to... ''[hears a whirring sound]'' Stitch!
:''[Stitch holds onto to a hovering Finder and lands on the ground; Lilo runs up to Stich and they hug]''
:'''Grand Councilwoman''': Experiment 626, if anyone deserves a reward for finding Dr. Hämsterviel, it is you.
:'''Stitch''': ''[guilty]'' Hmm... Finder did it.
:''[Finder honks happily]''
:'''Grand Councilwoman''': Yes, Experiment 458 managed to ''track'' Dr. Hämsterviel, but without your courage and daring, he would not have been apprehended. But it's good of you to share the credit.

== ''Slushy (Experiment 523)'' [1.27] ==
:''[Gantu is trying to fix the ship's air conditioner during a heat wave]''
:'''Gantu''': Stupid broken air conditioner! ''[the air conditioner explodes]'' Blitznak! I hate this heat!
:'''625''': Aww, poor little guppy. Say, would I nice warm cup of tea help? Maybe some pipin' hot tomato soup. I can make you a cheeseburger.
:'''Computer''': Warning. Experiment 523 activated.
:'''Gantu''': Oh, a freeze inducer! Perfect! I'll turn this sweltering mud ball into something livable. 
:'''625''': ''[grilling burgers]'' Hey, Gantu. You want yours medium or well done?
:'''Gantu''': Knock it off!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[523 freezes Kauai via helicopter; Jumba works on Splodyhead/Experiment 619, who Jumba misnumbers as &quot;515&quot;]''
:'''Jumba''': Five Fifteen, your thermostat is adjusted. Hot wave should no longer overheat you.
:'''Splodyhead''': Ih! ''[crawls away]''
:'''Jumba''': ''[chuckles]'' Don't mention it!
:'''Pleakley''': Splodyhead! Beware, beware! Jumba, we're being invaded. Millions of little white aliens are landing outside as we speak!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch goes to Waialeale Peak to find Slushy]''
:'''Lilo''': The little troublemaker is gonna freeze the whole island if we don't get him. It's icy, so be careful not to... ''[slides down the slope, alerting Slushy]'' ...slip.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch captures Slushy and brings him back to the house, which has just thawed out]''
:'''Pleakley''': Finally! The sun is back, and so are you! You must've caught the little snow monster.
:'''Lilo''': His name is Slushy.
:'''Pleakley''': Oh, thank the kings of Groovplok 5! No more of that freezing cold snow! It's awful! Just awful!
:'''Jumba''': Eh, actually it's not awful enough. Only makes everything cold and wet. No, not very evil at all.
:'''Lilo''': But it makes snow, and that's good. You can slide on it, throw it at each other, even make snow zombies out of it. So... wanna try it with me?
:'''Stitch, Jumba and Pleakley''': No!
:'''Lilo''': Well, fine! Go inside! I am gonna play in the snow! ''[lets Slushy out of his container]'' Alright, Slushy. Do your stuff! But only for my house!
:''[Slushy uses his ice breath to make it snow all over Lilo's house]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu captures Slushy and makes him freeze Kauai over]'' 
:'''Lilo''': Good thing you like snow now, huh, Stitch?
:'''Jumba''': Indeed! Experiment 523 works better than ever dreamed! If ice spewing continues, entire island would be transformed from tropical paradise to frozen tundra forever! Is very evil after all! ''[laughs maniacally but then stops to see Lilo and Stitch glaring at him]'' Oh, right. Not big fans of evil. Sorry!

== ''Dupe (Experiment 344)'' [1.28] ==
:''[Gantu storms back into his ship after losing another experiment to Lilo and Stitch]''
:'''Gantu''': I don't want any of your lip!
:'''625''': I didn't say any--
:'''Gantu''': ''[smacks 625's sandwich out of his hand]'' I told you to zip it, you sandwich-making freak!
:'''625''': Oh, look what you did to my tuna on rye!
:'''Gantu''': ''[suddenly guilty]'' I'm sorry. I didn't mean it.
:'''625''': Hey, hey, hey. You obviously had a bad day. You wanna talk about it?
:'''Gantu''': Well.... alright. It's that trog! Always besting me! I just can't take it anymore! Uh, you're not offended when I call him a trog, are you? Because, after all, ''you're'' a trog.
:'''625''': Please! Don't you worry about me. This is about you. Why don't you tell me a little about your childhood?
:'''Gantu''': I haven't thought about that in a while. Well, my father was very authoritarian, so I didn't have many friends. No friends, actually.
:'''625''': Yeah, go on...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch take Dupe to their house]''
:'''Jumba''': Hmm, here is experiment I have not been seeing in a long time.
:'''Lilo''': What does it do?
:'''Jumba''': Experiment 344 is duplicator. It can make multiple copies of anyone or anything. Designed to make infinite number of weapons. ''[Stitch looks at Dupe's antenna while having a lollipop]'' Careful of the antenna, 626. You might duplicate yourself.
:'''Stitch''': Oh, yeah! ''[uses Dupe's antenna to clone a lollipop for Lilo and then makes him clone an entire stack of cakes so he could chow down]''
:'''Lilo''': Cool! All the lollipops you can eat! ''[tastes her lollipop]'' Mmm, good... but there's something different. Is this low-cal?
:'''Jumba''': Yes. Experiment 344 was failure. Duplicates were not as powerful as original.
:''[Stitch finishes off the stack of cakes]''
:'''Lilo''': Better watch out, Stitch, or you'll lose your girlish figure.
:'''Jumba''': Eh, actually, no. Duplicates have less than original of everything, including fat and calories.
:'''Pleakley''': ''[barges in dressed as a park ranger]'' Hold everything! As official adult guardian of your slumber party tonight, I don't want that thing wreaking havoc! Nani put me in charge while she's gone, and I'm not letting her down! I got everything planned: pillow fight at 6:00, toenail painting at 7:00, aromatherapy facial's at 8 bells, gossiping about boys will be sprinkled about as spontaneous intervals.
:'''Lilo''': What about light as a feather, stiff as a board?
:'''Pleakley''': Hmm, inducing levitation. Shouldn't take longer than a half hour. I'll pencil ya in at 6:30.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu is continuing telling his childhood story to 625]''
:'''Gantu''': Then, when I was 12, I was excluded from peer group's parties. 
:'''625''': Let me stop your there. I understand your problem.
:'''Gantu''': You do?
:'''625''': It's obvious: your life is a boring failure! I wouldn't wanna be you, either! All you do is whine &quot;It's all the trog's fault!&quot;
:'''Gantu''': You said you wanted to hear it!
:'''625''': I didn't it would be so tedious!
:'''Gantu''': Daddy always said to trust no one. Why haven't I learned?!
:'''625''': Don't you feel better now?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[at Lilo and Stitch's slumber party, Yin, Yang, Richter, and Cannonball are having a big pillow fight]''
:'''Pleakley''': We're done with the pillow fight phase and have moved on to the facial phase! Come on, people! Stick to the schedule!
:''[the experiments stare at each other and then start hitting Pleakley with their pillows]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo accidentally clones Stitch with Dupe after wanting more friends; she takes the clones to her hula class]''
:'''Lilo''': Hey, guys. I missed you at my slumber party.
:'''Mertle''': We have a scheduling conflict.
:'''Lilo''': That's okay. Let me introduce you to my new friends. ''[the three Stitches clean their noses with their tongues]''
:'''Mertle''': There goes hula class.
:'''Lilo''': By the way, I'm having another slumber party tonight, with a levitation.
:'''Mertle''': Oh, really?
:'''Lilo''': Yep. Only this time, you're not invited. Right, guys?
:'''All three Stitches''': ''YYYEEEEAAAAAHHHH!!''
:'''Lilo''': It's good to have a posse.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[with the help of Heat, Thresher, Plasmoid, and Hammerface, Gantu has succeeded in capturing all four Stitches; he rings a bell for 625, nothing happens]''
:'''Gantu''': Ahem! I rang the bell!
:'''625''': You can forget it! I'm not coming out!
:'''Gantu''': Fine! Plasmoid?
:''[Plasmoid readies a shot from his tail]''
:'''625''': Alright, alright! ''[comes out dressed as a butler]'' Happy now?
:'''Gantu''': I want you to make a victory feast for my brave warriors.
:'''625''': 'Kay. Victory feast. With or without crust?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo tricks Gantu into using Dupe to clone a hundred of Heat, Thresher, Plasmoid, and Hammerface, making them too weak against the Pleakley clones while she merges all 4 Stitches back into the original]''
:'''Gantu''': I don't understand. My army, they're so weak! You tricked me!
:'''Lilo''': Yep. It's a side effect. United you stand, but divided you're a whole mess of weaklings.

== ''Shortstuff (Experiment 297)'' [1.29] ==
:''[Lilo and Stitch go to the carnival; Gantu and 625 are also at the carnival; Gantu is failing at the ring toss game]''
:'''Gantu''': Stupid ring toss game! Must be rigged to prevent my winningǃ
:'''625''': I didn't have a problem. ''[holding up his stuffed elephant]'' And I finally have something interesting to talk to. Ain't that right, Mr. Puffles? ''[hugs the elephant]''
:'''Gantu''': ''[throws and misses a bottle again]'' Oh, poo! Why did we come to this primitive Earth recreation area anyway?
:'''625''': Hey, to see that! ''[runs towards the World's Largest Sandwich display]'' A sandwich to end all sandwiches! The world record-holder in loaf size, meat density, and mayo per square inch! Oh, I gotta taste!
:'''Gantu''': ''[grabs 625]'' Stop it! We're trying to ''blend in'' on this planet!
:'''625''': Just one bite! ONE BITE!
:'''Gantu''': Even your big mouth couldn't bite that monstrosity!
:'''625''': I'm willing to die trying!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Gantu''': Experiment 297: Designed to sabotage mechanical and electrical devices.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch are trying to find a device in order to make Stitch bigger so he could be tall enough to go on the rides; Pleakley comes in after baking a pineapple shortcake]''
:'''Pleakley''': What are you two doing?
:'''Lilo''': Stitch wants Jumba's help.
:'''Pleakley''': He's off-planet, doing his community service. He's a convicted evil genius, you know! But maybe I can help.
:'''Lilo''': See... Stitch is looking for evil genius help, not Pleakley help.
:'''Pleakley''': Hey! I can do more than cook and clean, you know! I was trained in Galactic Alliance Community College! I would make a perfectly acceptable substitute evil genius.
:'''Lilo''': Well... okay. Stitch thinks he needs to be bigger. I think he's wrong, but...
:'''Pleakley''': Hmm... A little conundrum of molecular resizefication, eh?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[while Lilo and Pleakley try to shrink Stitch back to normal size, Shortstuff comes in and sabotages the size ray, making him grow to a humongous size and terrorize Kokaua Town]''
:'''Lilo''': Okay, we gotta get everyone back to normal size.
:'''Pleakley''': But we can't possibly shrink 297 now! We need an extension cord of impossible length! Oh, how will we stop that monstrosity?! How, I ask?!
:'''Stitch''': ''[holds out the size ray]'' Meega bigger! 
:'''Pleakley''': Hmm.... fight bigger with bigger, eh? So, instead of one giant monster, we'll have two. ''[Stitch nods in agreement]'' It's so crazy, it just might work! ''[aims the ray at Stitch to make him bigger.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch and Shortstuff, now gigantic size, get ready to fight each other]''
:'''Lilo''': These [[w:King Kong vs. Godzilla|big monster battles]] never turn out well.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Jumba returns and shrinks Stitch to his normal size to fight Shortstuff]''
:'''Pleakley''': I know I could use some practice, but if you need a substitute evil genius again, I...
:'''Jumba''': Oh, no! You are like 626, best made for one true purpose.
:'''Pleakley''': You mean being a high-ranking official in the Galactic Alliance?
:'''Jumba''': No, I mean disguising self like ugly Earth female! ''[laughs]'' &quot;Official!&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Yuki''': Hey, look. Lilo's back with her little tiny friend.
:'''Lilo''': He's not tiny. He's just right.
:'''Stitch''': Perfecto!
:'''Mertle''': That's so sweet! Now get to the back of the line! We're gonna on the ride before you!
:'''Ride Operator''': OK, next! ''[sees Lilo and Stitch]'' Oh, hey, little miss! Come on in. You know you brought me the most popular ride in the carnival.
:''[Mertle is shocked that Lilo and Stitch go on the ride, which is really Shortstuff]''

== ''Angel (Experiment 624)'' [1.30] ==
:''[Lilo and Stitch find Pleakley watching TV]''
:'''Lilo''': What are you watching?
:'''Pleakley''': ''America's Gushiest Home Love Stories''. Love-crazed Earthlings send in homemade video documentation of their absurd courtship rituals. It's absolutely fascinating!
:'''Stitch''': Blah! Love icky!
:'''Lilo''': Ah, come on, Stitch. You gotta believe in love.
:'''Pleakley''': Lilo's right. Just you wait. Someday, you'll find another little monster who shares your likes and dislikes. Who finds your little quirks just oh-so adorable.
:'''Stitch''': Ah, kachaka!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch finds Angel, but is love-struck by her beauty]''
:'''Lilo''': Stitch, what's the matter?! She's a nasty one! Grab her before she eats us!
:'''Stitch''': Naga. Tee bokany ba boojiboo! ''[Angel lovingly licks him]''
:'''Lilo''': She's no boochiboo! She's one of Jumba's evil experiments!
:'''Stitch''': Naga! Tee bokany ba boojiboo!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Angel sneaks back into Gantu's ship]''
:'''625''': Hello, hotcakes! I thought you went the whole &quot;captured-by-the-little-girl-and-turned-good&quot; route.
:'''Gantu''': Ha! Shows how much ''you'' know! She's right on schedule.
:'''625''': &quot;On schedule&quot;? You mean, you actually ''planned'' all this? The whole chase? Losing the experiment? You slipping on the coconuts and falling on your keister? All of it?!
:'''Gantu''': Well, the keister part was... improvised. All is going according to plan. The trog's household is infiltrated and Jumba's database compromised. Contact with the other repurposed experiments begins... tomorrow!
:''[Angel smiles evilly]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo learns that Angel's song turns experiment evil and hearing it in reverse reverts them back to good; Angel feels guilty for Stitch about to beaten by the experiments turned evil, so she sings her song backwards to revert them back to good and helps them escape]''
:'''Lilo''': Stitch! What happened to Angel? Bet you had to use your super strength to do her in!
:'''Stitch''': Naga. Angel save Stitch. ''[Angel comes out]''
:'''Lilo''': No kidding? 
:'''Stitch''': Gotta believe in love!

== ''Felix (Experiment 010, also called &quot;Oscar&quot;)'' [1.31] ==
:'''Hämsterviel''': Gantu! I'm sending Experiment 010 back to you! He's driving me bananas!
:'''Gantu''': No! Please! I--
:'''Hämsterviel''': And no fishy-lip whining or complaining or making with the &quot;Please, don't send it back!&quot;
:'''Gantu''': But-- Very well. 
:'''625''': You do have fishy lips, you know.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch capture 010 after it cleans up the beach]''
:'''Jumba''': Little girl and 626, meet Experiment 010.
:'''Lilo''': I'm naming him Felix... because on TV, all neat freaks are named Felix.
:'''Stitch''': Aloha, neat freak. ''[hugs Felix]''
:'''Lilo''': You should've seen him cleaning up that beach. He was all &quot;voop, voop, voop!&quot; and &quot;poop, poop, poop!&quot; with his nose!
:'''Jumba''': Nose?! Ha! Is not just rodementary O-factoring device. He is sophisticated biosystem of tiny brushes and hormonal detergents. 010 has threefold duty: 1. Automatically tidy up all messes. 2. Digest process all garbage and trash. And 3. Antisceptisize against all unhealthy germs and sources of filth.
:'''Lilo''': So he's hung up on dirt, just like Nani and Pleakley.
:'''Pleakley''': I heard that! You're talking about me! ''[sees Felix]'' AAAHHHH!! Mele kiliiki maaka! Another monster in the house?! No, no, no! I forbid it!
:'''Lilo''': But Felix is just like you. You two would probably get along great.
:'''Pleakley''': Are you kidding? It's nothing but a walking sack of Jumba's evil geniusness. It's dangerous!
:'''Lilo''': Jumba, he's not dangerous, is he?
:'''Jumba''': If I am remembering correctly, 010 cannot tell difference between dirt for cleaning up and unbathed evil genius for leaving alone. But I'm quite certain a fixed that ''looooong'' ago. Yes, now little 010 is so gentle, would not hurt even tiniest Earth fly.
:''[Unbeknownst to the other characters, Felix shoots a laser out of his nose, vaporizing a fly]''
:'''Felix''': Dirty!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Pleakley has grown attached to Felix ever since he cleaned up the house]''
:'''Pleakley''': Laundry pressed and starched, linoleum buffed to a blinding polish. Ah, it doesn't get any better.
:'''Lilo''': Pleakley, your &quot;soulmate&quot; just threw out my collection of seashells that look like presidents.
:'''Pleakley''': Salty sea junk? Who cares?
:'''Lilo''': And it chucked out Stitch's bed!
:'''Pleakley''': Worm-eaten pineapple crate? So what?
:'''Jumba''': I have been working on cure for pesky Earth viruses. Has anyone seen my petri dish cultures?
:'''Pleakley''': Care for the common cold? Better off without out!
:''[Felix comes in and sniffs Pleakley's sewing machine]''
:'''Felix''': Dirty!
:'''Lilo''': ''[smug]'' Trashy old sewing machine? Who needs it?
:'''Pleakley''': Yeah. Just a heap of scrap metal... ''[snaps out of it]'' WAIT!!! That's not trash! It's retro! IT'S RETROOOOO!!!! 
:''[Felix sucks up the sewing machine through his nose and shoots into the trash]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Felix has Lilo, Stitch and Jumba trapped in their own house]''
:'''Jumba''': Uh-oh. I am just remembering: I did not fix flaw in 010's programming.
:'''Lilo''': ''[sarcastically]'' Great. ''Now'' you remember. So what was the flaw?
:'''Jumba''': Logic problem in 010's third function: anticeptisize against all unhealthy germs and sources of filth, which is what he sees ''us'' as. Filthy huge germs to anticeptisize.
:'''Lilo''': That's something like taking a bath, right?
:'''Jumba''': Yes, like taking a bath. The last bath you'll ever take!
:''[Lilo gasps in fright]''
:'''Felix''': '''''Dirty, dirty, dirty!!!'''''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Jumba has just finished making modifications on Felix]''
:'''Jumba''': Presenting 010.2, the upgrade. Reversed polarity, so is no longer obsessively neat.
:'''Lilo''': Well... Let's try him out. ''[pours some cereal on the floor]''
:'''Pleakley''': Oh, what price science.
:'''Jumba''': ''[chuckles]'' See? No reaction at all to big mess-making.
:''[Lilo smashes the cereal by jumping on it; Felix hops over to the mess and takes a deep breath]''
:'''Lilo''': Hey, what's he doing?
:'''Jumba''': I'm evil genius, not fortune teller.
:''[Felix blows the mess with his nose, making an entire mess of the kitchen]''
:'''Lilo''': Now Felix in an [[w:Oscar the Grouch|Oscar]], a total dirt freak!
:'''Felix''': Dirty, dirty, dirty! ''[Stitch shoves him into a container]''
:'''Jumba''': Interesting. Perhaps I have reversed polarity tiniest bit too much.
:'''Pleakley''': Gee, ya think?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu has just finished cleaning up his ship]''
:'''Gantu''': There, finally got the place clean.
:'''625''': Uh-uh-uh! You missed a spot! The entire kitchen!
:'''Gantu''': ''[sighs, notices a wrapped box outside the ship]'' Say... ''[pulls out the tag]'' &quot;Best wishes from Lilo and Stitch.&quot;  ''[opens the box to reveal Felix]'' Experiment 010! You're back! We never should've let you go! 
:''[Gantu takes Felix into the ship]''
:'''Gantu''': 625, look, it's-- Hey, what's he doing?
:'''625''': I don't know, but I don't like it.
:''[Felix messes up the ship]''
:'''Gantu''': &lt;big&gt;AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!&lt;/big&gt;

== ''Poxy (Experiment 222)'' [1.32] ==
:''[Pleakley has contracted Experiment 222 in his body while eating breakfast cereal, causing him to break out in purple spots and burp uncontrollably]''
:'''Pleakley''': Oh, the pain, the torment, ''[burps]'' the acid reflex. Help me....
:'''Lilo''': Pleakley?! What happened to you?
:'''Stitch''': ''[sniff's Pleakley's feet]'' Ah! Stinky!
:'''Lilo''': Wow. You're covered in purple pimples.
:'''Pleakley''': And my eye's swelled, and I'm burping uncontrollably.
:'''Lilo''': ''[thinks a bit]'' No problem. We'll fix you.
:''[she and Stitch leave the room and come back dresses as surgeons]''
:'''Lilo''': Okay, we're ready!
:'''Pleakley''': ''[nervously]'' Ready? ''[burps]'' Ready for what?
:'''Lilo''': To operate!
:'''Stitch''': ''[pulls out a chainsaw]'' Tooki bah wah bah!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after losing Gantu at the medical clinic, Lilo, Stitch, and Pleakley return to their house]''
:'''Jumba''': Okey-dokey. Is simple plan. I use reducer ray to shrink 626 to microscopic teeny-tiny size. Then pilot ex-buggy inside Pleakley and capture 222.
:'''Lilo''': Hey, how'd you get the buggy in here?
:'''Jumba''': Oh, simple: cup opener- It's not important. What ''is'' important is...
:'''Lilo''': THAT I DRIVE!!!
:'''Jumba''': You make joke! This is no job for to little girl!
:'''Stitch''': Yana poola! Ichi boh boh!
:'''Jumba''': Lilo drives.
:'''Lilo''': YAY!!
:'''Pleakley''': Oh, you're gonna let the little girl drive around ''MY INSIDES?!?''
:'''Jumba''': What could I do? There is no arguing with &quot;ichi boh boh&quot;, hmm?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch defeat Gantu by making him contract Poxy]''
:'''625''': Amazing! You've finally caught an experiment!
:'''Gantu''': I didn't want to catch it like this. These pimples itch! How come ''you're'' not sick?
:'''625''': Chicken soup salad sandwiches!
:'''Gantu''': Can I have one?
:'''625''': Sorry. Outta bread again.
:'''Gantu''': I hate this planet.

== ''Hunkahunka (Experiment 323)'' [1.33: Valentine's Day Special] ==
:''[Lilo runs into the house; Stitch is exhausted]''
:'''Lilo''': AAAAAH!!!! HE'S COMING! THIS IS A CATASTROPHE! HE'S ON HIS WAY RIGHT NOW!!
:'''Pleakley''': Hold it! ''HOLD EVERYTHING!!'' Now explain to me slowly and clearly exactly what happened.
:'''Lilo''': Okay. Keoni Jameson was holding a bouquet of flowers, when he asked Tino directions to our house. When Tino asked why he wanted directions, he said he had to ask a real cutie something. It's so obvious what he has in mind.
:'''Pleakley''': Now explain to me slowly and clearly exactly what happened.
:'''Lilo''': Keoni is going to ask me to the Lono-I-Ke-Aweawe festival! ''[pause]'' The annual Valentine's Day festival!
:'''Pleakley''': And this is a catastrophe how?
:'''Lilo''': Only because I'm so not ready! Stitch, you stall him. Act like I'm too pretty to come to the door. And Pleakley, stay out of the way.
:'''Pleakley''': Oh, you won't even know I'm here! All of Galactic Federation observers, such as myself, are masters of the art of seamlessly blending in. 
:''[the doorbell rings]''
:'''Lilo''': That's him!
:'''Pleakley''': WAIT!! I'm not seamlessly blended in yet! I'm un-seamlessly un-blended!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo kicks Keoni out of the house after she finds out he really has a crush on Pleakley in his female disguise]''
:'''Lilo''': It's a world gone mad!
:'''Pleakley''': Lilo, it's called camouflage. He's supposed to think I'm an attractive Earth woman.
:'''Jumba''': ''[chuckles]'' Someone found Pleakley attractive?
:'''Lilo''': Not someone! &lt;big&gt; KEONI!!!&lt;/big&gt; Poor guy must have ear bugs eating his brain.
:'''Jumba''': Hmm, I fear it could be possibly something far in the way worse. Here, look your eyeballs on this. Is Experiment 323. It must have been activated, and is loose on island. One peck from its beak causes victim to fall head over feet in love with the very next person they see! ''[laughs maniacally but then falls off his chair]'' Lovesickness is very destructive. Can bring entire societies crashing to standstill.
:'''Lilo''': Oh! So, Keoni just got pecked by your [[w:Burning Love|Hunkahunka Bird of Love]] experiment.
:'''Jumba''': He is only thing could explain sensible tweenage boy having crush on one-eyed noodle like Pleakley.
:'''Pleakley''': Oh, and I suppose he couldn't have just fallen for my brilliant Earth female disguise.
:'''Lilo''': I don't think so.
:'''Jumba''': Impossible!
:'''Stitch''': Naga.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Pleakley approaches a group of surfers while dressed as a Spanish [[w:flamenco|flamenco dancer]]]''
:'''Pleakley''': Hi, boys. Could one of you help with some sunblock? ''[the surfers stare at him]'' That is a completely believable request from a beautiful Earth woman, right?
:'''Surfer''': Um... I guess so.
:'''Pleakley''': Good. Let me get out my lotion. ''[as he looks in his bag, his wig falls off]''
:'''Surfer''': No! I mean, on second thought, we gotta go catch some choice waves. Now! Seeya! ''[he and the other surfer dash away]''
:'''Pleakley''': Wait! Come back here! I'm beautiful! ''[sighs]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo is trying to ask Keoni to the dance]''
:'''Lilo''': So, Keoni, if you're going to the Lono-I-Ke-Aweawe, it's accustomed to bring a date.
:'''Keoni''': Yeah, I know. That's why I asked your Aunt Pleakley. She is such a hottie.
:'''Stitch''': ''[drags the cooler containing Hunkahunka toward Lilo]'' Maka maka, sassa!
:'''Lilo''': Not now, Stitch. I'm trying to get Keoni to ask me to the dance. ''[a rattle is heard from the cooler]'' Oh, you caught Hunkahunka! ''[picks up Hunkahunka]'' Perfect!
:'''Stitch''': Naga, naga!
:'''Lilo''': Keoni, do I have something in my teeth?
:'''Keoni''': Not that I can see. ''[Lilo puts Hunkahunka behind his neck, causing him to peck him and look straight at Lilo]'' I think I love you!
:'''Lilo''': Attaboy, Stitch! Good thinking.
:'''Stitch''': Aba tooka! ''[puts Hunkahunka back in the cooler]'' Cousin, home.
:'''Lilo''': Oh, we can find the one true place he truly belongs later. Right now, Keoni and I are gonna spend some quality time together. Right, Keoni?
:'''Keoni''': Whatever you say, Lilo.
:''[Stitch groans in frustation]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch returns home with Hunkahunka waiting in the cooler]''
:'''Jumba''': Ah, 626, good. Here you are. I have found antidote for lovesickness. Victim of 323 is affected by the proboscis injection in coordination with retinal stimuli. Therefore, a rehydration of optical nerves and surrounding sensory sensors will negate the effect.
:'''Stitch''': ''[confused]'' Huh?
:'''Jumba''': Spraying of water in face will cure lovesickness.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Lilo''': Hey, wanna play Skip Rocks? I'll go first, because I'm the lady.
:'''Keoni''': So, what do I do?
:'''Lilo''': Um, you have to skip a stone and see if you can win. ''[throws a flat stone that skips across the water]''
:'''Keoni''': Do you want me to win?
:'''Lilo''': Well, no.... I wanna win, that's the game.
:'''Keoni''': ''[simply picks up a large stone and drops into the water]'' You won!
:'''Lilo''': Yeah....

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch zaps Hunkahunka and puts him in the doorprize drawing box outside the Lono-I-Ke-Aweawe dance]''
:'''Lilo''': Stitch! Good thing you're here! Man, I never should have used Hunkahunka to peck Keoni. This fakey love is the worst! Did Jumba give you the antidote?
:'''Stitch''': Ih!
:'''Lilo''': Good. I need to get some to Keoni fast. Is it in here? ''[takes the box]''
:'''Stitch''': Naga! Naga! ''[as soon as the box opens, Hunkahunka flees into the dance room]'' Doonga!
:'''Lilo''': Oops. Well, how was I supposed to know? Why was it in a box?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu captures Hunkahunka and Stitch uses the fire alarm to break everybody out of their lovesickness]''
:'''Pleakley''': So it was all an experiment's fault. I guess my attractive Earth woman's camouflage was a miserable failure after all.
:'''Keoni''': Miss Pleakley? You look really nice tonight.
:'''Lilo''': Uh-oh. Keoni must not have gotten wet.
:'''Pleakley''': Time to get over it, kiddo. ''[sprays water into Keoni's face]''
:'''Keoni''': Wow. You're beautiful ''and'' quirky.
:'''Pleakley''': I am? I am, aren't I?! Woo-hoo! My camouflage is beautiful after all!
:'''Lilo''': Wow, Keoni had a real crush on Pleakley all along.
:'''Stitch''': Ooh! Naga botifa!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu transports Hunkahunka to Hämsterviel]''
:'''Hämsterviel''': You have an experiment? Give it to me! FASTER!!! Why are you so slow, you slow sharky thing?! You are the most incompetent of incompetence! And another I have been meaning to tell you... ''[Hunkahunka pecks him, causing him to feel a love connection with Gantu]'' I think I love you!
:'''Gantu''': Really? Tell me more.
:'''Hämsterviel''': Like that idiotic look on your face when you have no clue what you are doing, it is so disgustingly cute! And all those stupid things you say, oh, how you make me laugh! I love it!
:'''Gantu''': Oh, blitznack.

== ''Sample (Experiment 258)'' [1.34] ==
:''[Stitch receives a letter]''
:'''Stitch''': Mmm.... Akeba? ''[hands the letter to Lilo]''
:'''Lilo''': It's from the lady at the animal shelter where we adopted you. It says it's time for your shots.
:'''Stitch''': Oh, okay... BU-BYE!!! ''[dashes away]''
:'''Lilo''': Oh, no you don't! ''[chases after Stitch]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Lilo''': Stitch, come down! If you don't get your shots, you could catch a mutating virus!
:'''Stitch''' Naga shots! Ouchie!
:'''Lilo''': Okay. How about this? If you come down and get your shots, you can have coconut cake for breakfast? 
:'''Stitch''': Coconut cake ''and'' coffee?
:'''Lilo''': Deal!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu is listening to a self-motivating CD]''
:'''Instructor''': And in order to achieve success, you must never accept failure. Tell yourself that you are a door!
:'''Gantu''': I am a door. 
:'''Instructor''': Louder! Make you mama proud!
:'''Gantu''': I AM A DOOR!!
:'''625''': Hey, doo-boy, could you keep it down? I'm trying to savor a salami sub in here.
:'''Computer''': Warning. Experiment 258 activated. Primary function: sonic annoyance.
:'''Gantu''': Hmmm.... &quot;Drives people mad by sampling sounds and repeating them in an endless grating rhythm. 625, today I will be successful. I'm ordering you to not let me back in the ship unless I have captured that experiment. Remember, no matter what I say, no matter how much I implore you, do not let me back in unless I've captured the experiment.
:'''625''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, yeah. That'll work.
:'''Gantu''': I heard that! 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Susan calls in Merwin and Dean from the Alien Convention after receiving Sample]''
:'''Merwin''': We're here to see the something.
:'''Susan''': If you guys are alien hunters, why are you dressed like aliens?
:'''Dean''': Well, we're going to an alien's convention, and so my mom made me these costumes out of her old trailer on...
:'''Merwin''': ''[elbows Dean]'' Infiltrate and assimilate, ma'am. These costumes allow us to walk among the E.T.'s undetected.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Merwin and Dean chase Lilo and Stitch after they grab Sample]''
:'''Merwin''': So, thought you could hide, huh? Sorry, kids, this little alien is...
:'''Gantu''': Mine! 
:'''Merwin''': Another one!
:'''Dean''': And he's big! Outer-space big!
:'''Merwin''': Forget these little guys! Let's bag him!
:'''Stitch''': Okeetaka! ''[he and Lilo run off with Sample]''
:''[Merwin and Dean corner Gantu]''
:'''Gantu''': Out of my way, Earth forms!
:'''Dean''': ''[pointing his stick at Gantu]'' Hold it right there, alien!
:'''Gantu''': A plasma-converting pulse cannon 9000 series. The most feared weapon in the galaxy! Only one known counter-measure: ''RUN!!!'' ''[runs away]''
:'''Merwin''': That alien totally thinks your ray gun is real. What's it made of?
:'''Dean''': Toilet paper rolls and aluminum foil.
:'''Merwin''': Cool!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu runs back to his ship and bangs on the entrance]''
:'''Gantu''': 625, open the door!
:'''625''': Uh, where's the experiment?
:'''Gantu''': What?!
:'''625''': Sorry, squidly. Can't let you in without the experiment. Hey, your orders.
:'''Gantu''': By the fires of the planet Krimlatt, I'LL BREAK EVERY BONE IN YOUR--
:'''Merwin''': I think he went that way.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu captures Stitch and Sample and heads to the Alien Convention with Merwin and Dean]''
:'''Lilo''': Gantu, you can't let'em take you to the Alien Convention! They'll tell everybody you're an alien!
:'''Gantu''': Correction, they'll tell everybody ''you're'' aliens.
:'''Lilo''': But we made a deal.
:'''Gantu''': And I made a new deal. I affect your capture, you two appear in the alien demonstration of the convention, and they and then they hand 258 over to me.
:'''Stitch''': Egaba! Toobiteeba!
:'''Gantu''': Quiet, trog, or he'll turn that plasma cannon on you!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Jumba and Pleakley come to the Alien Convention; Pleakley is wearing Galactic Federation uniform]''
:'''Jumba''': Is my hair on straight?
:'''Pleakley''': That's better, but you don't need it. I feel completely at home here.
:'''Jumba''': Ha! You say. I think you are sticking out like sore thumb.
:''[as soon as they enter the convention, they see many people dressed as aliens]''
:'''Pleakley''': Greetings, fellow aliens!
:'''Jumba''': Then again, maybe is ''my'' that is sticking and soring.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Announcer''': Greetings, aliens and spacemen. Can I have your attention? Right on this stage, for a second year in a row, Merwin and Dean and their real live aliens from outer space! Space... space.. space...
:'''Fan''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, this oughta be good.
:'''Pleakley''': What's so special about aliens? We're all real live aliens here!
:'''Fan''': ''[fake cough]'' What a geek! 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Merwin''': Fellow believers, I, Merwin Finklestein, professional alien hunter, am proud to present, a real live alien!
:''[the curtain rises to reveal Gantu who failed to capture Stitch and Sample]''
:'''Gantu''': But we had a deal!
:'''Merwin''': Yeah, we did. But you let those other two get away, so you're going to take their place.
:'''Gantu''': Oh, you think so? ''[Dean points his stick at him]'' Okay, okay! Just be careful with that thing!
:'''Pleakley''': Oh, no! You were right! They're big nasty alien hunters with a big nasty plasma-converter pulse cannon, and you and I are in big trouble!
:'''Jumba''': Bah! Big hunters are big phonies, and so is gun. Looks like plasma-converter 9000 series, but is obvious fake.
:'''Lilo''': See, Stitch? Never bale out on a deal, because what goes around comes around.

== ''Babyfier (Experiment 151)'' [1.35] ==
:'''Nani''': You want to go see ''what''?!
:'''Lilo''': ''Sludge Mummies Episode 2: Attack of the Bones''.
:'''Nani''': But you didn't even see the first movie!
:'''Lilo''': Only because you wouldn't take me!
:'''Nani''': Hello, you were 3?!
:'''Lilo''': Mertle gets to see PG movies. Her mom goes with her.
:'''Nani''': Oh, and if Mertle's mom jumped off a cliff, I suppose you'd want me to do that too!
:'''Lilo''': Wow! Would you?
:'''Nani''': No! There will be no cliff-jumping and no ''Sludge Zombie'' movies!
:'''Lilo''': They're Sludge ''Mummies''!
:'''Nani''': Whatever!
:'''Mr. Jameson''': Ahem!
:'''Nani''': Lilo, look, I've got work to do. I said no movie, and I mean no movie.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Nani''': ''[to Stitch and Lilo; jeep beeps]'' Lilo, I told you no ''Sludge Mummy'' movies!
:'''Lilo''': Nani?! But I... I... I--I didn't--
:'''Nani''': Didn't think I'd come by and check? Well, you were wrong!
:'''Lilo''': Uh… ''[chuckles nervously]''
:''[Back at the Pelekai house, Lilo, Stitch and Nani enter as the sisters argue]''
:'''Stitch''': Oh, trouble coming.
:'''Nani''': I can't believe you disobeyed me! I said you couldn't see that movie!
:'''Lilo''': How come you're always telling me what to do?!
:'''Nani''': Because I'm the older sister here. I'm the babysitter.
:'''Lilo''': I am '''''NOT''''' a baby! And you're not an adult! You're just a grown-up!
:'''Nani''': Whatever! I'm responsible for you, Lilo. That means I'm all about what's best for you. So what I say ''goes.''
:'''Lilo''': You mean like a dictator?!
:'''Nani''': Go to your rooftop dome!
:'''Lilo''': ''[elevators up to her rooftop dome bedroom]'' I'm already there!
:''[Nani walks away, groaning in annoyed anger as Lilo screams in frustration]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch releases Babyfier, causing him to turn him, Nani, Jumba and Pleakley into infants; Lilo recaptures Babyfier]''
:'''Lilo''': Well, now that ''I'm'' the oldest, I guess I'm in charge. But what do I do?! ''[the babies stare at each other and then stare at Lilo]'' I guess adults just do whatever they wanna do. So... Let's go to the movies. Come on, gang!
:''[Lilo rushes out of the kitchen, but then stops to see Baby Jumba throwing eggs everywhere]''
:'''Baby Jumba''': ''[laughs]'' Whee! Evil! Ha, ha-ha!
:'''Lilo''': Jumba, no! I'm in charge now, and I say you have to stop playing evil and go to the movies with me.
:''[Lilo suddenly hears the dryer running]''
:'''Baby Nani''': Playtime! Playtime!
:'''Lilo''': ''[pulls Baby Nani out of a laundry basket]'' Nani, how many times have you told me, you can't play in the dryer. ''[Baby Stitch detaches the fridge door and starts eating it]'' Stitch, no!
:'''Baby Pleakley''': I made oops in my pants.
:'''Lilo''': ''[Baby Nani begins playing with the stove]'' Nani, no! ''[Baby Jumba throws an egg at her head]'' '''Jumba, no!''' ''[Baby Stitch begins to eat the whole refrigerator]'' STITCH, NO!!!
:'''Baby Pleakley''': I made more oops in my pants! ''[Baby Pleakley begins to cry, along with the other three babies]''
:'''Lilo''': I guess the movie's off. I'm a mother of four!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Baby Nani and Stich fight over Scrump]''
*'''Baby Nani''': Mine!
:''[Lilo appears]''
:'''Lilo''': Stop it! ''[The scuffle caused her doll to break]'' Now she's gonna get surgery again. ''[to Nani and Stitch]'' You're both grounded! ''[both babies cried]'' This is all your fault! ''[?]'' Oh, no! Not Gantu! NOT NOW!! It's nap time!
:'''Gantu''': ?
:'''Lilo''': No! Leave it alone, you big dummy!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu captures Babyfier]''
:'''625''': A baby-making experiment? Hey, aren't humans capable of doing that that all by themselves?
:'''Gantu''': No, no, no. It turns grownups ''into'' babies.
:'''625''': Really?
:'''Gantu''': Yes, babies! Hey, I'm feeling a little peckish. How about making me a... ''[Babyfier has been released from the container]'' Hey, how'd you get out?! ''[Babyfier outmaneuvers Gantu and turns him into an infant, who begins to waddle around giggling]''
:'''625''': Sorry, G, I couldn't resist. I always wondered out like a guppy or a tadpole. Turns out you were just a smaller kind of ugly. Whoah! Aerial attack! ''[625 narrowly dodges Babyfier and tricks it into going up the elevator where it escapes]''
:'''Hämsterviel''': GANTU!!! Did my hamster eyes just see what I thought they saw?! The escape of yet another valuable experiment?! And why are you acting like a baby, you incompetent, lazy, oh-so-smelly, fish-footed-- 
:''[Baby Gantu cries; 625 runs up to comfort him]''
:'''625''': Hey, lighten up, Dr. H, will ya? Little Googoo here hasn't had his nap yet.
:'''Hämsterviel''': No, no, no! There will be no napping-apping babies! I want my experiments! So get going! GO, GO, GO!!!! ''[625 dashes out of the ship carrying Baby Gantu in a baby stroller]'' '''NOW, NOW, &lt;big&gt; NOOOOOOWWWWW!!!!&lt;/big&gt;'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Baby Stitch and Baby Gantu begin fighting over Babyfier]''
:'''Baby Stitch''': Mine!
:'''Baby Gantu''': Mine!
:'''Baby Stitch''': Mine!
:'''Baby Gantu''': Mine!
:'''Baby Stitch''': Miiiiine! ''[Gantu accidentally lets go, causing him to launch himself onto a slide]''
:'''625''': Be careful, little Googoo! Don't hurt the poor innocent slide!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Baby Jumba and Baby Pleakley sneak into Kiki's Coffee Shop to find 100% Kona Coffee to create the antidote for Babyfier's effects]''
:'''Baby Jumba''': Ach! Too many peoples. Must clear room somehow.
:'''Baby Pleakley''': Oops!
:''[as soon as the stench reaches everyone's noses, they all flee the shop and Kiki places a &quot;Enter at Own Risk&quot; sign on the door]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Baby Stitch launches the antidote into the sky, turning everyone in Kauai back to normal, including Nani]''
:'''Lilo''': You're back! Thank goodness I'm the little sister again. Being responsible is hard.
:'''Nani''': ''[chuckles]'' Yeah, but it can be pretty satisfying, when you raise a good kid.
:'''Lilo''': I am pretty good, huh?
:'''Nani''': Yep. In fact, I wanna reward you for being babysitter for a day. Let's go see some Sludge Mummies!
:'''Lilo''': ''Attack of the Bones''?! Really?!
:'''Nani''': Yeah. I kinda forgot what it was like to be a kid. Now I remember. When you gotta see a scary movie, you gotta see a scary movie.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Baby Gantu is crying loudly while 625 is calling on the phone]''
:'''625''': Hello, Baby Hotline? Yeah, hi. How do you burp a large shark-like alien baby? No, this isn't a joke! Wait, wait, don't hang up! I--- Oh, blitznack!

== ''Bonnie &amp; Clyde (Experiments 149 &amp; 150)'' [1.36] ==
:''[Note: This episode misnumbers Bonnie and Clyde as 349 and 350, respectively]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Nani''': ''[enraged]'' LILO, YOU LOLO! ''[Stitch spits out Scrump and he and Lilo rush toward the window, pushing pillows in their faces]'' Lilo, Stitch! Yesterday, I told you no running around the house! So what do you do? You run around the house! Last week, I told you to clean your room! Is it clean? No! What's gonna be next with you?!
:'''Jumba''': She almost made me drop my highly unstable container of uflasium.
:'''Nani''': Well, what do you have to say for yourselves?
:'''Lilo''': Uh, well, I ate breakfast like you asked, and I can prove it. ''[belches without saying &quot;Excuse me&quot; and Stitch laughs]''
:'''Nani''': And you're supposed to say &quot;Excuse me&quot; when you burp! That does it, you two are grounded for 24 hours! ''[storms off]''
:'''Lilo''': ''[crossing her arms]'' What's the big deal? We didn't hurt anyone.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch is about to go out through the window]''
:'''Stitch''': Keetooka naga!
:'''Lilo''': Where are you going? ''[grabs Stitch's ankle]''
:'''Stitch''': Keetooka naga!
:'''Lilo''': We can't leave! We're grounded!
:'''Stitch''': Maka maka, sasa!
:'''Lilo''': I don't care if it's a free country! Nani would roast us! And I don't care if we should be able to do whatever we wanna do whenever we wanna do it. We can't leave. So... So... What are you waiting for?! Help me up!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch track down Bonnie and Clyde into an abandoned factory]''
:'''Lilo''': We've got you cornered, cousins!
:'''Bonnie''': Reeeaaally? I think it's us got the drop on ''you'', cuz!
:''[Stitch growls at her]''
:'''Bonnie''': Whoa, there, blue boy. One of Jumba's, huh?
:'''Lilo''': Hi, I'm Lilo, and this is Stitch. He's your cousin. This is how it works: I turn you from bad to good, and find the one place where you belong, so you don't end up with Gantu.
:'''Bonnie''': Waddya you know about Gantu?
:'''Lilo''': We know everything about him. He's a stinky-head. And he tries to get our experiments, but he's really lame. So even when he catches them and takes them back to his ship, we can usually rescue him.
:'''Bonnie''': You've broken into his ship?
:'''Lilo''': Sure, lots of times.
:'''Bonnie''': No kiddin'! Hey, I'm being rude! Come in, come in! I'm 349 and he's 350. Welcome to our domicile.
:'''Clyde''': What are you doing?! You showin'em our hideout! I don't think--
:'''Bonnie''': How many times I gotta tell ya?! Leave the tinkin' to me! Those two goody-goodies are gonna help us brake into that very high-tech, very valuable spaceship!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after Lilo, Stitch, Bonnie and Clyde narrowly escape Gantu's ship]''
:'''Bonnie''': I gotta hand it to you kid, that was quite the escape. You two got great criminal minds.
:'''Lilo''': When did we cross the big fat line from &quot;having fun&quot; to &quot;being great criminal minds&quot;?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo, Stitch &amp; Pleakley successfully capture Bonnie and Clyde despite Nani's warning not to leave the house]''
:'''Lilo''': Sorry we disobeyed you again. We had to catch the bad guys. So... Are we off the hook?
:''[Nani looks at Officer Kahiko, who smiles at her]''
:'''Nani''': Well, you were trying to do the right thing, and you did get the bad guys. So... yeah. You and me are cool.
:'''Officer Kahiko''': But, you and the municipality of Kokaua Town, that's another story.

== ''Slugger (Experiment 608)'' [1.37] ==
:''[Lilo is addressing to her softball team, which consists of Stitch, Jumba, Yin, Yang, Richter, Kixx, and Splodyhead]''
:'''Lilo''': Alright, men, and evil geniuses, and genetic mutants from outer space. We are here today for one purpose and one purpose only: to destroy Mertle's softball team! So let's get out there and really tear up the basepads! ''[Stitch dashes out to the fields and starts ripping the bases apart]'' I didn't mean that literally, Stitch.
:'''Jumba''': Eh, question. Once team is beaten, do losers become our servants for life?
:'''Lilo''': What?! No!
:'''Jumba''': Hmm, is how team sports work on my planet.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch shoves a crate on Gantu's head, causing him to drop Slugger]''
:'''Lilo''': Hey, there, little guy. We're not going to hurt you. We're here to give you a new home. But see that guy over there? ''[points to Gantu, who still has the crate over his head]''
:'''Gantu''': I'm going to vaporize you, trog, just as soon as I can see you!
:''[Slugger nods while snorting]''
:'''Lilo''': Well, if you come with us, we'll keep you safe from him. Okay? ''[holds Slugger's hand]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch tests out Slugger's batting skills by throwing avocados at him]''
:'''Lilo''': Coconuts, avocados, wow he really likes to bat things around.
:''[Slugger accidentally splats and avocado on a picture, which Stitch licks clean]''
:'''Stitch''': Mmmm, guacamole!
:'''Jumba''': Experiment 608 will swat at many different things. In addition to deflecting airborne projectiles launched at enemies, he is also programmed to swat away balls, toys and fruit thrown over fence by annoying neighbor children.
:'''Lilo''': He hits balls? Tomorrow, Lilo's Lasers hit the practice field! We're gonna beat Mertle's team yet!
:'''Pleakley''': Ooh, for the rematch, will we be the home team or the away team? Because according to my research, the home team wears a white uniform while the...
:'''Lilo''': Uh... You know what, Pleakley? It's just practice. And you're so good already, that you don't have to come.
:'''Pleakley''': ''[hurt]'' Oh, okay, thanks.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Mertle agrees to give Gantu Slugger in exchange for him being in her team]''
:'''Mertle''': Hey, Weirdlo! Ready to meet your doom?
:'''Gantu''': We're going to destroy you.
:'''Lilo''': You're cheating! You put Gantu on your team!
:'''Mertle''': So? You have a new player, too!
:'''Lilo''': It's not the same.
:'''Mertle''': You're just scared!
:'''Lilo''': I'm not scared!
:'''Mertle''': Then let's sweeten the bet: Whoever wins, gets ''him''! ''[points to Slugger]''
:'''Lilo''': Slugger?! I bet I know whose idea that is. ''[looks up at Gantu, chuckling evilly]'' You're on! I'll even have you first at bat.
:'''Mertle''': Who said we were playing baseball? I thought we'd play ''basketball'' this time.
:'''Lilo''': What?!
:'''Mertle''': You did say any time, any place, any game!
:'''Lilo''': I... I did?!
:'''Stitch''': Ih. You did.
:'''Lilo''': But I... I didn't mean to!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo's Lasers had thanks to Pleakley's amazing basketball skills]''
:'''Lilo''': Pleakley, I just wanna say thanks for being loyal to me. It made me realize I should've support you when you were on my baseball team.
:'''Pleakley''': Oh, I don't blame you one little bit. I was awful at baseball!
:'''Lilo''': It doesn't matter. Loyalty to your friends is way more important than winning. It's even more important than a stack of Elvis records.
:'''Pleakley''': Please, I'm getting all teary.
:'''Lilo''': You didn't tell us you can play B-ball though.
:'''Pleakley''': It turns out that Earth basketball is is virtually identical to Priznolaprack on my home planet. I was a four-time Priznolaprack grand champion.
:'''Lilo''': Well, thanks to you, we got to keep Slugger, and help him find his one true place.
:''[Lilo shows how Slugger is helping the softball coach show the kids how to bat]''

== ''Bad Stitch'' [1.38] ==
:''[Note: No new experiments appear in this episode]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Hämsterviel contacts Gantu while he is playing with this bath toys]''
:'''Hämsterviel''': Gantu!
:'''Gantu''': Doctor Hämsterviel! I was just practicing my tactical maneuvers.
:'''Hämsterviel''': I do not care about you plastic amusements! It is your failures at capturing my experiments that sickens me to the bone!
:'''Gantu''': But, sir, it's not my fault. It's that abomination 626 and that young female Earth form...
:'''Hämsterviel''': &lt;big&gt;'''SILENCE!!!'''&lt;/big&gt; You're good at nothing but the pathetic excuses. That is why I am giving you job to someone infinitely more competent!
:'''Gantu''': More competent?! But, I...
:'''Hämsterviel''': You failed me, Gantu! As of this moment, you are fired!
:'''Gantu''': But you can't fire me!
:'''625''': Ouch, hurts to be you. Listen, a word of advice: Before you go looking for a new job, put on some pants. ''[Gantu smashes his bath toys in rage]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch are playing checkers]''
:'''Nani''': '''LILO!!!'''
:'''Lilo''': Uh-oh. Nanisaurus Rex is on the rampage again.
:'''Nani''': Look at these bills! $20 to fixed the window Stitch broke, $60 for the new door for the refrigerator, $200 for Mr. Koakini's broken gas grill?!
:'''Lilo''': It was an emergency gas grilling situation. ''And'' we caught the experiment.
:'''Nani''': That's great, honey, but that's not gonna pay these bills and that means no hula lessons this month.
:'''Lilo''': But I need my hula lessons. For self-esteen, personal growth, and development. See? ''[gestures to her trophy, which is broken in two]'' I--
:'''Nani''': Oh, no! He even broke...
:'''Lilo''': My hula trophy. ''[Stitch uses his saliva to try to glue the pieces back togetherness, but they immediately fells off the piece]''
:'''Nani''': ''[to Stitch and Lilo]'' Ok. That does it! I have had it up to here with the little blue wrecking ball.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Pleakley has just finished with his plan to make money in order to pay the bills]''
:'''Pleakley''': And now, the moment we've all been waiting for. The money-making miracle of the ages! ''[pulls off the tarp to reveal a lemonade stand sign]'' Ta-da...lemonade!
:'''Lilo''': That's it? That's your big idea? A lemonade stand?
:'''Pleakley''': Lemonade stands appear on all your Earth cartoons, and every situation comedy ever written. It's brilliant! Cliche but brilliant! What do you think? ''[Lilo leaves]'' Lilo?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Hämsterviel captures Stitch and reverts him to his original evil programming; Gantu enters]''
:'''Gantu''': Hello, I'm here about the ad for aliens. ''I'm'' an alien.
:'''Professor''': You're a fired alien! That's what you are!
:'''Gantu''': Fired?! What, how would you-- ''[Hämsterviel pops out of the Professor disguise]'' Dr. Hämsterviel?! You're suppose to be in prison!
:'''Hämsterviel''': Three-day furlough! Just enough time to hire a new assistant! ''[points to Stitch]''
:'''Gantu''': The abomination!
:'''Hämsterviel''': Yes! With 626's destructive programming in place, he will help me capture the other experiments! You will not! Goodbye! ''[the door quickly shuts]''
:'''Gantu''': But... 
:''[the door opens quickly and Hämsterviel snatches Gantu's flyer]''
:'''Hämsterviel''': Give me that! I recycle! ''[slams the door again]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch tricks Hämsterviel by smashing a floorboard on his disguise]''
:'''Stitch''': Stitch good?
:'''Lilo''': Very good! Even without the water bottle of karmic cleansing.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch return home]''
:'''Stitch''': ''[pulls out Lilo's fixed hula trophy]'' Agata!
:'''Lilo''': You fixed it! I think it looks better this way.
:'''Nani''': Lilo, I'm home!
:'''Lilo''': Stitch fixed my hula trophy! And this time he used ''real'' glue.
:'''Nani''': Why, thank you, Stitch. Looks like that Zen of Dog Training really paid off.
:'''Lilo''': Not really. He found the path of goodness all by himself.
:''[a shatter sound is heard; Nani looks in the living room to find it a total mess]''
:'''Nani''': What happened?!
:'''Lilo''': Um, the path kinda went through the living room. We had a little trouble finding the glue.
:''[Nani faints; Stitch laughs]''

== ''Drowsy (Experiment 360)'' [1.39] ==
:''[Note: [[w:Regis Philbin|Regis Philbin]] makes a special guest role as the voice of himself]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Jumba has Pleakley do his paperwork while he goes surfing with David]''
:'''Jumba''': This is lucky day for you, my one-eyed friend.
:'''Pleakley''': Ooh! Is today the once-a-year sale in Tessy's Dressies?
:'''Jumba''': No. I have decided to promote you to assistant evil genius!
:'''Pleakley''': I wasn't aware I was even in the chain of command! What exactly does the position entail?
:'''Jumba''': Little girl recovered new experiment pods. They need to be identified, registered, labeled, and categorized.
:'''Pleakley''': Eh... how much did you say this evil genius stuff pays?
:'''Jumba''': For you, zero, but looks very good on resume.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu and 625 are fast asleep]''
:'''Computer''': Warning. Experiment 360 activated. Primary function: sleep inducer.
:'''Gantu''': ''[covers the computer with a pillow]'' Just five more minutes, mother.
:'''Hämsterviel''': WAKE UP, YOU SQUID-LIP EXCUSE FOR A MOLLUSK!! A pod has been activated!
:'''Gantu''': But sir, it's the middle of the nocturnal Earth cycle.
:'''Hämsterviel''': Shh, do you hear that? It's the sound of &lt;big&gt;'''I DON'T CARE!!!'''&lt;/big&gt; I got big plans for tomorrow, so there is no time for beauty sleep!
:'''625''': ''[yawns]'' Too bad, he really needs it.
:'''Gantu''': What big plans, sir?
:'''Hämsterviel''': I have been monitoring Earth's television transmissions for over a month. And I believe I've identified the most powerful, influential human on the planet! He is always on the TV, obviously using mind control to mesmerize the Earthlings! And in two days time, you are going to capture him for me! ''[laughs maniacally]'' 
:'''Gantu''': Really? Who? How?
:'''Hämsterviel''': Just bring the new experiment!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch uses Drowsy to help Lilo fall asleep, but now Lilo can't wake up; Stitch puts sunglasses on Lilo and uses her sleeping body as a puppet to do her errands]''
:'''Pleakley''': Ah, Lilo! Just in time for some processed grain with dehydrated fruity bits.
:'''Stitch''': ''[imitates Lilo]'' Uh, not for me. Stitch. ''[normal voice]'' Naga. Naga ti chita. ''[imitates Lilo]'' Okay! Um... bye! ''[drags Lilo to Mrs. Hasagawa's fruit stand]''
:'''Jumba''': &lt;big&gt;'''''WHERE IS EXPERIMENT 360?!?'''''&lt;/big&gt; 
:'''Pleakley''': I don't know!
:'''Jumba''': What?! It didn't just get up and walk away!
:''[they both see Drowsy walking past them with a blanket covering himself]''
:'''Pleakley''': Eh, I should use less starch in the laundry?
:'''Jumba''': Is not laundry! Is my experiment!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after Stitch successfully uses Lilo as a puppet to perform her hula dance]''
:'''Mertle''': That was the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen.
:'''Mr. Jameson''': That was the most incredible thing I've ever seen! Unique! Daring! Original! You're Nani's sister, aren't you? ''[hands Stitch a card]'' I could use your help. A very important guest is coming here tomorrow, and I'd like you to be our aloha greeter at the airport.
:'''Stitch''': But--
:'''Mr. Jameson''': I will not take no for an answer! I'm gonna be late for the meeting! Here's the info, good luck!
:'''Stitch''': Oh, shoota!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after Lilo wakes up thanks to Jumba, she and Stitch tries to protect Regis Philbin from Gantu and 625]''
:'''Regis Philbin''': I think I've figured out what's going on.
:'''Lilo''': ''[nervously]'' Wh-what do you mean?
:'''Regis Philbin''': I'm not completely oblivious, you know. You and Stitch have been protecting from autograph hunters ever since I got here.
:'''Lilo''': We?! Oh, drat! You've figured it out! Well, there's one other Hawaiian tradition we haven't told you about: Hanai.
:'''Regis Philbin''': Hanai? What's that?
:'''Lilo''': It's when you welcome a stranger into your home. My house is not as nice as this hotel, but no one will think to look for you there.
:'''Regis Philbin''': Okay! Just one condition: you get some rest, too. You've been working too hard.
:'''Lilo''': It's a deal! In fact, I think it's time everyone had a good snooze. Me, Pleakley, Nani, Jumba... ''[Stitch yawns and lies down on the floor]'' ...and Drowsy here can help.

==External links==
[[Category:Lilo &amp; Stitch: The Series seasons and films]]</text>
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      <timestamp>2026-05-19T01:09:32Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>~2026-29954-94</username>
        <id>3324342</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Tank (Experiment 586) [1.15] */</comment>
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      <text bytes="199336" sha1="4ticx1qwlz49ros646he2vu3ldmd6zr" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
----
[[Stitch! The Movie|Pilot film]] | '''Seasons:''' [[Lilo &amp; Stitch: The Series (season 1)|1]] [[Lilo &amp; Stitch: The Series (season 2)|2]] | [[Leroy &amp; Stitch|Finale film]] | [[Lilo &amp; Stitch: The Series|Main]]
----

== ''Richter (Experiment 513)'' [1.01] ==
:''[Experiment 625 is making a PB&amp;J sandwich, he watches the news on Richter's quakes as Gantu fixes the communicator]''
:'''Gantu''': 625, turn that thing off! I'm trying to get this communication relay online, and you're not helping!
:'''625''': Aw, what's the matter? Can't handle plugging in wires by yourself? At least I'll be ready in case of a sandwich shortage.
:'''Gantu''': Shortage?!
:'''625''': ''[imitates a newsreel fanfare]'' Newsflash from the crash nebula, space whale! There was a quake today! I'm not taking chances. I'm stocking up.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Pleakley''': I've called you all together for an emergency earthquake readiness meeting. Now, planetary shaking is measured on what is called a [[w:Richter Scale|Richter Scale]]. Today's quake was a 5.0, quite moderate and perfectly normal, but a good reminder to us all: be prepared and don't panic! I repeat: DO NOT! PANIC!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''David''': Hey, Lilo, is your sister home?
:'''Lilo''': Yeah, but I don't think she's feeling well. She said something about having a big zit.
:'''Nani''': LILO!! ''[dashes to the front door]'' No! I'm fine.
:'''Lilo''': Well, what were you popping when... ''[Nani covers her mouth until she licks her]''
:'''Nani''': Ugh! ''[chuckles nervously]'' What a darling.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Jumba''': ''[explaining Experiment 513]'' Quake today was teensy little jiggle to 513. He is programmed to look for weakest geological point on island, for to make one ginormous evil earthquake! ''[laughs maniacally]'' Most likely, 513 will have to look for big fault at base of volcano. Is imperative that he must never go underground... unless you ''want'' evil quake.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Jumba has converted the family buggy into a giant drilling machine so Lilo and Stitch can hunt down Richter underground]''
:'''Lilo''': Let's go, Stitch. Stitch! 
:''[Stitch is playing around with his new orange ball]''
:'''Jumba''': ''[takes ball]'' 626, what are you playing with? Looks like citrus orb.
:'''Stitch''': Okata! ''[swipes the ball back]''
:'''Lilo''': He doesn't like people touching his orange ball. He's learning how to take care of things.

== ''Phantasmo (Experiment 375)'' [1.02] ==
:''[Lilo, Stitch and the family are enjoying dinner at Macki Macaw's; the animatronic Macki, however, flames up and falls off the perch]''
:'''Jumba''': Primitive Earth entertainment technology. Very entertaining.
:'''Pleakley''': Especially when he entertains by catching on fire. Fascinating.
:''[Stitch gets his glass ready as Pleakley pours soda to the group]''
:'''Lilo''': Wait your turn, Stitch. Macki may be combustibally challenged, but I love this place. It's homey. Why don't we come here more often?
:''[Stitch, patience run out after Pleakley does not pour him any soda, leaps onto the table, chugs the whole pitcher of soda down, and belches loudly]''
:'''Nani''': ''That's'' why.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Nani''': Lilo, have you finished giving him a bath?
:''[Stitch dashes out of the bathroom wearing an inner tube; Lilo begins chasing Stitch around the house; Stitch tries to squeeze through the doggy door, but can't due to his inner tube]''
:'''Lilo''': You know how he is about water. I almost had him lulled into a false sense of security, but then you said the b-word. Never say the b-word!
:'''Nani''': You mean.... &quot;BATH?&quot;
:''[Stitch finally escapes leaving Lilo stuck in the inner tube]''
:'''Lilo''': Why do you torment me?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Lilo''': Pee-yew! How much pizza and soda can one mutant alien wear?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch sees Phantasmo (possessing Scrump) messing with Lilo's movies; he breaks free from the chains and begins attacking Scrump]''
:'''Lilo''': What's all the racket in there? That sounded like... Stitch?!
:''[as Lilo enters the room, Scrump goes into doll mode and Stitch spits it out]''
:'''Stitch''': Stitch not bad! Was scary dolly!
:'''Lilo''': Scrump is very smart, Stitch. But she doesn't go around breaking plates and unscrewing videotapes. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[during Stitch's &quot;trial&quot;]''
:'''Pleakley''': Wasn't it Defendant 626 who chewed off the arm of Mr. Fluffybear here?
:'''Lilo''': Objection! I sewed it back on.
:'''Pleakley''': And how about little Suzy Teaparty? Anybody seen yer head? I haven't, because it's gone!
:'''Lilo''': Objection! Stitch didn't mean to eat. It was a freak accident! He was accidentally hungry.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo, Jumba, and Pleakley are tied by Phantasmo after learning his secret]''
:'''Pleakley''': What does it want?!
:'''Jumba''': 375 has advanced programming. Now that we have learned his secret, he will probably get rid of us.
:''[Phantasmo possesses Scrump and picks up Jumba's gun]''
:'''Jumba''': Don't worry. The weapon is only loaded with net.
:''[Phantasmo replaces the net cartridge with another]''
:'''Jumba''': Ah! He has replaced net with my new laser cartridge! I am so proud of his smartness!
:'''Lilo''': I'm not.
:'''Pleakley''': And I'm just gonna faint. I'm too terrified to faint. How about if I just scream? '''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Nani''': So I hear there's an experiment out there that takes over inanimate objects?
:'''Lilo''': Yep, makes it look like other ''innocent'' experiments did bad stuff when they didn't do anything wrong at all.
:'''Nani''': Okay, I get it. My bad.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after Phantasmo finds his one true place as possessing Macki Macaw to entertain]''
:'''Nani''': I owe you both an apology. I was wrong about you. Innocent until proven guilty. I'm old enough to know that. I'm sorry.
:'''Lilo''': ''[whispers something into Stitch's ear]'' Okay, we'll forgive your behavior on one condition.
:'''Stitch''': Nani buys games and pizza!
:'''Nani''': ''[chuckles]'' I guess that's fair.

== ''Clip (Experiment 177)'' [1.03] ==
:''[Lilo and Stitch are at a beauty salon]''
:'''Lilo''': Now, pay attention, Stitch. To fit in on Earth, you need to be obsessed with how you look. ''[gesturing to two men who are mud-bathing]'' People come from all over to soak in this mud. They wanna be like pigs. Go ahead.
:''[Stitch grabs a handful of mud and shoves into his mouth, and then spits out on Lilo; Lilo then tries to throw the mud at Stitch, causing a large mud fight that messes up the entire beauty salon]''
:'''Salon Owner''': ''[comes through the door]'' Stop right there! Oh, just look at this mess! 
:'''Lilo''': Yeah, you really need to sweep all that hair.
:'''Salon Owner''': Not the hair! THE MUD!!
:''[Lilo hangs her head sadly; Stitch, however, looks at the owner angrily]''
:'''Stitch''': Agata! ''[throws mud at the owner]''
:''[Lilo and Stitch then run out of the salon]''
:'''Salon Owner''': And stay out! 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch bring Clip home]''
:'''Jumba''': ''[screams]'' Keep that thing away from me!
:'''Lilo''': Cute little Clip?
:'''Jumba''': Is not cute! Is Experiment #177, and is very dangerous.
:'''Lilo''': She doesn't look dangerous.
:'''Jumba''': Ah, but looks can be deceiving. You see it was many years ago, when my head was overflowing with evil ideas...
:''[a flashback shows a younger Jumba with long black flowing hair]''
:'''Jumba''': ''[voice-over]'' ...and healthy luxuriant hair follicles. I had devised Experiment 177, the Uburnium Eater!
:''[flashback then shows a space-style gas station selling Uburnium]''
:'''Jumba''': Uburnium is the most powerful and economical fuel source in all of universe! My Ubernium Eater would spark an insurmountable fuel price! 
:''[the flashback shows the price sign for Uburnium go higher until it explodes]''
:'''Jumba''': Unfortunately, in the language of Kweltiquan, word for &quot;Uburnium&quot; is same as word for &quot;hair&quot;. I did not realize mistake until... too late! I had accidentally created Hair Eater!
:''[flashback then shows young Jumba activating 177 for the first time; Clip comes to life and immediately eats all of Jumba's hair; back to present]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Mertle Edmonds and the other hula girls exit the salon; Lilo hides the box Clip is in by sitting on it]''
:'''Mertle''': Hey, Weirdlo! I didn't know you got your hair cut here!
:'''Lilo''': I don't.
:'''Mertle''': Of course you don't. They never even let you in the door with that mess.
:'''Lilo''': I like my hair!
:'''Mertle''': You would! Maybe you should try this. ''[hands Lilo a bottle of hair conditioner]'' You'll need it more than I do.
:'''Lilo''': Wow! For me? &quot;Hair Conditioner: For Taming Wild Unruly Hair?!&quot; Hey!
:'''Mertle''': Don't be jealous. Not everyone can have perfect hair like me, especially not you.
:'''Yuki, Teresa, and Elena''': ''YYYYYEEEEEAAAAAHHHH!''
:''[the girls laugh as they leave]''
:'''Lilo''': Mertle needs to be punished.
:'''Stitch''': Yeah! Ih!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch sneak into Mertle's backyard dressed as cat burglars]''
:'''Lilo''': ''[imitates radio static]'' Black Cat to Mutant Dog. Black Cat to Mutant Dog. Come in, Mutant Dog. Stitch! That's you!
:'''Stitch''': Oh, me?
:'''Lilo''': When I say &quot;Black Cat&quot;, you're supposed to answer &quot;Mutant Dog&quot;. It's cat burglar code. Black Cat to...
:'''Stitch''': Mutant Dog.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Clip escapes from Gantu by boarding a bus]''
:'''Gantu''': ''[growls with rage]'' Hairball! I am Gantu! Former captain of the Galactic Alliance! Conqueror of Paskimerus Militia! AND VAN GUARD COMMANDER OF BLACK OOL OPS! '''YOU WILL NOT ESCAPE ME!!!!'''
:''[pause as three little kids stare at him in fright]''
:'''Gantu''': I mean, I... missed my bus.
:''[the kids run away screaming; then it begins to rain]''
:'''Gantu''': Oh, blitznak!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Pleakley puts a large rainbow Afro wig on Jumba]''
:'''Pleakley''': This spectral diffraction style is very popular on Earth, particularly of amid followers of team sports. There! What do you think?
:'''Jumba''': I look like large furry lollipop.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo, Stitch, and Jumba are talking to Mrs. Edmonds after startling her]''
:'''Lilo''': So you're not mad at us for scaring us like that?
:'''Mrs. Edmonds''': Oh, no! Actually it was kinda exhilarating, in a frightening I-don't-know-what's-going-on sort of way.
:'''Lilo''': I'm sorry about what happened to your hair.
:'''Mrs. Edmonds''': Don't be sorry. I love it. If you ever find that little furball you're looking for, I'm going to thank it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after Mrs. Edmonds calls Jumba handsome, making him happy, his hair suddenly grows back]''
:'''Mrs. Edmonds''': Wow! That what I call a spontaneous something or other!
:'''Jumba''': My hair! It has returned! &lt;big&gt; I... HAVE... '''HAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Lilo''': Inside voice, Uncle Jumba.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu dances in a hula concert; Hämsterviel calls]''
:'''Hämsterviel''': Gantu?! What is going on?! Gantu?! What's that music?!
:''[Gantu throws his phone into a nearby punch bowl]''
:'''Hämsterviel''': '''GAAAAAAANNNNTUUUUUUUUUUUh!!!!'''

== ''Mr. Stenchy (Experiment 254)'' [1.04] ==
:''[Gantu returns to his ship after failing to capture Experiment 254]''
:'''Hämsterviel''': Well, where is my stink bomb?!
:'''Gantu''': I'm afraid the little girl and the abomination...
:'''Hämsterviel''': Again?! You with your large stomping feet and shooting blaster can't get one experiment from a little girl?! Tell me how lame you are! TELL ME!!!
:'''625''': Whoa! Hmm, well, there's no right answer there. I'd put it somewhere in the S's between &quot;Shockingly lame&quot; and &quot;Stunningly lame&quot;.
:'''Gantu''': Please. I'm having a meeting.
:'''Hämsterviel''': Stop it with the not paying attention to me! Now get that experiment before I come there and nibble your flabby knuckles, you blue-tinted, offspring of a fish!
:'''Gantu''': Yessir!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Mertle and the girls walk by as Lilo and Stitch refuel their buggy]''
:'''Elena''': Hey, there's Lilo! Should we invite her too?
:'''Mertle''': Weirdlo? No way. Why would we want her to come?
:'''Lilo''': Hey, guys. Wanna see my new...
:'''Mertle''': No.
:'''Lilo''': I didn't even say what it was yet.
:'''Mertle''': The answer is still no.
:'''Lilo''': Okay. If you don't want to see the cutest thing ever.
:'''Mertle''': If you think bugs are cute, I bet whatever it is, it's ugly!
:'''Lilo''': Yeah, well, you're wrong! He's even cuter than a potato...
:'''Elena''': Cuter than a potato?
:''[Mertle and the girls turn their attention to 254; they run up to his container to get a closer look]''
:'''Elena''': Look at him! He ''is'' cuter than a potato!
:'''Yuki''': I want one!
:'''Lilo''': I knew you'd like him!
:'''Mertle''': Ahem! ''[the girls huddle up with Mertle and they whisper something to each other, and then turn to Lilo]'' You are formally invited to the FHGH tea party tomorrow.
:'''Lilo''': Really? &lt;big&gt;'''''YAAAAY!!'''''&lt;/big&gt; Um, what's that?
:'''Mertle''': It's stands for &quot;Future Hawaiian Girls of Hawaii&quot;. But you can only come if you bring him.
:'''Lilo''': Okay!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch take 254 to their house]''
:'''Jumba''': Yes, 254 is designed to be irresistible.
:''[254 gives a record to Stitch; Stitch angrily grabs the record and places 254 on it and makes it spin on Lilo's record player]''
:'''Jumba''': Of course, other experiments are immune to his charms.
:'''Pleakley''': ''[picks up 254]'' Well, I think he's absolutely precious, not at all like the little monster.
:''[Stitch growls with rage]''
:'''Jumba''': ''[takes 254]'' Uh, is best not being attached. It may look harmless, but in reality, is a ticking stink bomb.
:'''Lilo''': Stink bomb? This little guy?
:'''Jumba''': Very soon, it will emit odor so noxious, will make 40 square mile area uninhabitable for decades! ''[laughs maniacally]'' But yes, is cute as garment fastener.
:'''Pleakley''': But he smells okay now.
:'''Jumba''': 254 is programmed to start his stinking 42 hours after activation to allow to time to infiltrate target. Problem is we have no way of knowing when he was activated.
:''[Stitch angrily has 254 tied up]''
:'''Pleakley''': Is the smell really that bad?
:'''Jumba''': ''[chuckles]'' Trust me. He'll have you losing many lunches with disgusting stench!
:'''Lilo''': ''[unties 254]'' Well, that's what I'm naming him: Mr. Stenchy! And I don't care how much he reeks. I'm keeping him.
:''[Stitch, shocked and angered by Lilo's words, screams into a pillow]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch pins down Gantu and aims his own laser gun at him]''
:'''Stitch''': Nala kweesta! Ha-ha!
:'''Gantu''': One day, you'll fail to protect one of those experiments! And I will take it away forever!
:'''Stitch's Shoulder Devil''': Ichiba!
:'''Stitch's Other Shoulder Devil''': Ih! Ih! Keeba! ''[the both vanish]''
:'''Stitch''': ''[chuckles sinisterly]'' La-dee-da-dee! ''[tosses Gantu's gun]'' Oopsie!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[After Gantu explains to Lilo how Stitch locked Mr. Stenchy in the pantry...]''
:'''Lilo''': ''[to Stitch]'' You mean... You did?
:'''Stitch''': ''[remorseful]'' Uh-huh.
:'''Lilo''': But why? Were you jealous of Mr. Stenchy?
:'''Stitch''': Ehh. ''(Translation: &quot;Yes.&quot;)''
:'''Lilo''': Okay, I'll forgive you for locking Mr. Stenchy in the pantry if you forgive me for letting him hog all the love. I mean, jealousy stinks, but we're still friends.
:'''Stitch''': ''[after a moment]'' ''[accepting]'' Okay.

== ''Holio (Experiment 606)'' [1.05] ==

:'''Lilo''': Stupid ball.
:'''Officer Kahiko''': It's only Lilo and her dog.
:'''Leilani''': ''[annoyed]'' Ugh! Lilo again?! You should do something about that ''kalohe.''
:'''Officer Kahiko''': Like, put her in the big house?
:'''Leilani''': Would do her some good. That dog, too!
:'''Mrs. Edmonds''': Excuse me! Hi. I'm looking for something for my daughter. It's her birthday tomorrow.
:'''Leilani''': How 'bout this? ''[holds out a gold bracelet]'' I just made it yesterday, one of my best. ''[unaware with Experiment 606's pod on it as a charm]''
:'''Mrs. Edmonds''': Oh, it's perfect!
:'''Officer Kahiko''': How's it, Lilo?
:'''Lilo''': Oh, Officer Kahiko. I know the drill: I have the right to remain silent. Whatever I say...
:'''Officer Kahiko''': Very funny. ''[notices Lilo's football made of seaweed]'' What you got there?
:'''Lilo''': Football. We're on a budget.
:'''Officer Kahiko''': Lilo, I know you were just playing, but your dog wrecked Leilani's jewelry table. Auntie's on a fixed income. She don't need you causing trouble. Does your sister know you're here?
:'''Lilo''': Uh, no. But I'll tell her when I get home, okay?
:'''Officer Kahiko''': No worries. I got her on speed dial. ''[pulls out his phone]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Pleakley is doing yoga]''
:'''Jumba''': What are you doing?
:'''Pleakley''': Yoga, an ancient Earth discipline that's wonderful exercise for both body and mind. You should try it instead of stuffing yourself with all that flesh-based food.
:'''Jumba''': Hey, I am liking flesh-based food!
:'''Pleakley''': Suit yourself. But since I stopped eating anything with a face, I feel cleansed and rejuvenated.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:'''Mertle''': Everybody, I have an announcement to make. ''[clears throat]'' Ahem. Tomorrow is the most important day of the year: my birthday! I'm having a super special birthday party! ''[gives out birthday invitations only to Yuki, Teresa, and Elena]'' Oh, look. No more invitations.
:'''Lilo''': Well, that's okay. I wouldn't wanna come to your party anyway. Not with... that thing out there!
:'''Elena''': What thing?
:'''Lilo''': You mean to tell me that you've never heard of the... um... ''[notices a gecko]'' Geckoliki?
:'''Elena''': No!
:'''Teresa''': Uh-uh!
:'''Yuki''': What is it?
:'''Lilo''': It's an ugly horrible creature, whose soul purpose is to devour birthday cake and partygoers with its bloody fangs!
:'''Mertle''': That's the stupidest thing I ever heard! And just for that, you're even more not invited now! Come on, girls! ''[she and the other girls leave]''
:'''Lilo''': Alright, but you'll be sorry! The Geckoliki is hungry for blood! AND FROSTING!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:'''Lilo''': As soon as I put on this costume, it's hello, Geckoliki, and goodbye party. Now hold still, ok? ''[Stitch gets under her as they dress up as the Geckoliki; spookily]'' Ooh! I am the Geckoliki! Surrender now or face my slimy wrath!
:'''Teresa''': The Geckoliki!
:''[Mertle and her friends scream in terror and run for it]''
:'''Stitch''': ''[peeks through the fence hole and spots a plate of coconut cupcakes on the table]'' Ooh! Coconut cupcake! ''[bursts through the fence]''
:'''Lilo''': Stitch, no! ''[falls off of Stitch and lands in the pool]''
:''[The girls watch from the bushes, seeing Stitch scarfing down the cupcakes, still in the Geckoliki costume]''
:'''Teresa''': The Geckoliki is after our blood! And frosting!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[After Nani bring Lilo and Stitch both back home from &quot;crashing&quot; Mertle's birthday party]''
:'''Lilo''': I'm telling you, there's an experiment pod on Mertle Edmonds' new bracelet that she got for her birthday.
:'''Jumba''': Did you see number?
:'''Lilo''': That's what I was trying to do when Mrs. Edmonds dragged me off Mertle.
:''[Pleakley can be heard chanting before Nani and Jumba see him with his body twisted]''
:'''Pleakley''': Oh, hello, fellow spirit beings. I hope my chanting wasn't bothering you.
:'''Nani''': Pleakley, are you alright?
:'''Pleakley''': Hmm? Oh, I'm incredible. Really, truly. It's so amazing. Yes, at first I was in excruciating pain, but it was all part of the process. Once I transcended that, I realized that the pain was just an illusion.
:'''Jumba''': You have got to be kidding me! ''[grabs Pleakley and stretches his legs]'' Pain is only illusion! Ha!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Stitch goes into the pet shop, alone, disguised as a bunny, to see the number on the experiment pod on Mertle's bracelet as she and her friends enter while Lilo hides in the backseat of a police car to try and stay out of trouble]''
:'''Stitch''': ''[through walkie-talkie] Experiment 606.''
:'''Lilo''': ''[opens up Jumba's computer and searches up Experiment 606; horrified]'' Oh, no. ''[on walkie-talkie]'' Stitch. Come in, Stitch! Experiment 606 is a black hole that will suck in the ''whole'' world!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Lilo''': ''[shouting out to Mertle in warning about not getting the experiment pod wet as Nani drags her away]'' Don't get it wet! It'll destroy everything!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Pleakley is still doing yoga while Jumba is eating a pastrami sandwich]''
:'''Pleakley''': Do you mind? I'm trying to become one with the universe.
:'''Jumba''': And I am trying to become one with pastrami sandwich!
:'''Lilo''': Mertle Edmonds has activated Experiment 606!
:'''Jumba''': Oh, whee! I was hoping she would try!
:'''Lilo''': Now, it's gonna suck the whole universe to a big black hole!
:'''Pleakley''': You say, &quot;black hole&quot;?
:'''Lilo''': Yep.
:'''Pleakley''': ''[suddenly panics]'' THERE'S NO ESCAPE FROM AN ASTRONOMICAL EVENT LIKE THAT!! To think, the universe is ending, and all I was worried about was eternal wisdom?! If this is my last day on Earth, I'm eating pastrami! ''[grabs Jumba's sandwich and eats it]''

== ''Spooky (Experiment 300)'' [1.06: Halloween Special]==

:''[Lilo arrives at the Halloween party dressed up as a dead hula girl with scary makeup and a fake axe on her head, frightening all the other guests]''
:'''Moses''': Lilo, your costume…
:'''Lilo''': Isn't it cool? Watch this! ''[twangs her axe handle]''
:'''Moses''': Yes, but… Well, maybe you should change it to something more like... like what your friends are wearing. ''[gestures to Mertle and the girls; who are all dressed up like princesses]''
:'''Lilo''': Princess, princess, princess, or princess?
:'''Mertle''': At least we're not a weirdo, weirdo, weirdo, or ''weirdo''!
:'''Yuki, Teresa and Elena''': ''YYYYEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH!!''
:'''Lilo''': Okay. I'll be a princess, too.
:'''Moses''': Good idea. ''[as Lilo leaves]'' You go home, change, and then come back.
:'''Mertle''': Or go home, change, and ''don't'' come back!
:''[Moses sighs]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Jumba is dressed up as [[w:Julius Caesar|Julius Caesar]]]''
:'''Jumba''': I am absolutely refusing to be wearing this! It's too itchy! ''[he scratches so rigorously that his belly soon comes through]'' And that is least of problems!
:'''Pleakley''': ''[Dressed as [[w:Cleopatra|Cleopatra]]]'' But you have to wear it! The Queen of the Nile demands it! Besides, I am not missing out on trick-or-treating on my first night of Heelowatty!
:'''Lilo''': It's pronounced &quot;Halloween&quot;. I need a new costume: a princess. Can you make it quick?
:'''Pleakley''': Can I? Well, let me tell you I have the fastest fingers in my primitive Earth custom: fleeced and pinking shears class.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Stitch has been scared stiff after Experiment 300 turned into his worst fear: water; Lilo appears and the water drains into the ventilation shaft]''
:'''Lilo''': Stitch, what happened?
:'''Stitch''': Hissing green eyes! Hissing green eyes! Hissing green eyes!
:'''Lilo''': You're not scared, are you?
:'''Stitch''': ''[pause]'' Naga!
:'''Lilo''': Elena said something about hissing green eyes, too.
:''[Stitch shudders in fright]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Jumba and Pleakley are dressed as the main characters of [[w:Gone with the Wind|Gone with the Wind]]]''
:'''Pleakley''': I do declare, we look simply marvelous! Don't we look marvelous? I think we do!
:'''Jumba''': Frankly, my dear, I am not giving darn. I hate this costume!
:'''Pleakley''': Fine, I'll just start over then! A whole new concept! I'm thinking... sequins, satin, Spain! I got it! Matador! Ole!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Experiment 300 shows up at the Pelekai house, as Nani's worst fear: Cobra Bubbles, wanting to take Lilo away from her]''
:'''Nani''': You can't take her away from me! She needs me! I thought we worked this out.
:'''Cobra''': ''[as Lilo and Stitch return home]'' I'm… s-s-s-s-sorry.
:''[Lilo sees &quot;Cobra&quot;, throws her fake axe at him, knocking off his sunglasses, with green eyes, then charges at him and grabs him by the ankle]''
:'''Nani''': Lilo!
:'''Jumba''': ''[hearing the crashing sound]'' What is that?
:'''Nani''': Lilo, no! Have you gone ''lolo?!'' Lilo! ''[screams in horror as &quot;Cobra&quot; morphs back into Experiment 300]'' Who… ''what'' is that?!
:'''Lilo''': Experiment 300! But I'm calling him, Spooky!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Spooky turns into Pleakley's worst fear: his mother]''
:'''Pleakley's Mother''': Pleakley, is that you?! ''[stepping out of the shadows]'' How come you never call?!
:'''Pleakley''': MOTHER!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Spooky, as Pleakley's mother, scolds Pleakley as he sobs]''
:'''Pleakley's Mother''': I give you the best years of my life, and this is the thanks I get?!
:'''Jumba''': Oh, no! Is Pleakley's worst fear. ''[Spooky then turns into his worst fear: his ex-wife]'' Ahhh! Is my worst fear: ex-wife!
:'''Jumba's Ex-Wife''': When are you getting a real job?! Is like you never help around house!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Lilo, Stitch and Spooky are giving treats to trick-or-treaters]''
:'''Nani''': Lilo, what's going on here?
:'''Lilo''': Halloween. Watch.
:''[One kid gets ready for candy and Spooky turns into his worst fear: a giant python]''
:'''Kid''': Ah-ha-ha! I hate snakes!
:'''Stitch''': Taka! ''[gives the kid a handful of candy]''
:'''Kid''': Man, this is the coolest house in the whole neighborhood!
:'''Lilo''': ''[to Spooky]'' Yeah, I'll know you around Haunted House, where you will fit in just fine.

== ''Cannonball (Experiment 520)'' [1.07] ==

:'''Hämsterviel''': Contact Gantu.
:'''Gantu''': Yes, Dr. Hämsterviel?
:'''Hämsterviel''': Explain to me, you overgrown sea bass, why mechanic hamster on cam holds no evil genetic experiments?
:'''Gantu''': There haven't been any experiments activated recently…
:'''Computer''': ''Warning: Experiment 520 activated.''
:'''Gantu''': ...until now.
:'''Hämsterviel''': Mmm-hmm, and, uh, what are you waiting for? '''''GET IT AND SEND IT TO ME!!!'''''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Lilo and Stitch are drawing ideas for the upcoming Aloha Sand-Sculpting Contest]''
:'''Lilo''': How are your Aloha designs coming, Stitch?
:'''Stitch''': ''[shows her a drawing of Mertle being zapped by a UFO]'' Eebah. ''[shows another drawing of Mertle being chased by a dinosaur]'' Zeebah. ''[shows one more drawing of Mertle being chased by the Grim Reaper]'' Keebah!
:'''Lilo''': ''[chuckles]'' Stitch, that's mean. Moses is right. We ''don't'' know what ''aloha'' means.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[David and Nani take Lilo to the Birds of Paradise Pool]''
:'''David''': Don't worry. I know how to cheer a sad Lilo.
:'''Nani''': But, David, the pool at Birds of Paradise is for hotels guests only! There are, like, ten signs!
:'''David''': Relax, Nani. I was here yesterday, and I figured out their system: All the hotel guests have special blue towels, and so do we.
:''[scene cuts to them relaxing by the pool]''
:'''David''': See? Instant vacation!
:'''Lilo''': Come on, Stitch! Photo safari! ''[they both leave to take pictures of the tourists]''
:'''Nani''': Are you sure this is okay?
:'''David''': Relax. Lilo and I sneak in here all the time.
:'''Nani''': You ''what?!''
:'''David''': Just chill out and enjoy your... ''[Mr. Jameson appears]'' Uh, honeymoon! Sweetheart! ''[hugs Nani]''
:'''Mr. Jameson''': Hello, sir, ma'am. Are you guests here?
:'''David''': Uh, yeah!
:'''Mr. Jameson''': And what's your room number?
:'''Nani''': 257!
:'''David''': 319!
:''[they both look at each other]''
:'''David''': 257!
:'''Nani''': 319! Uh, 257!
:'''Mr. Jameson''': Mmm-hmm. Well, we don't have a Room 319,257! And besides, today is ''red'' towel day, not blue!
:'''David''': ''[chuckles nervously as Nani glares at him]'' Busted.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Nani arrives home while Pleakley mops the kitchen floor]''
:'''Nani''': Where's Lilo? Is she here?
:'''Pleakley''': No, but a freshly mopped floor was here! Apparently, it just left!
:''[Lilo and Stitch arrive]''
:'''Nani''': Lilo! Are you alright?
:'''Lilo''': I'm fine! But Stitch and me need to borrow your car!
:'''Nani''': My car? Are you lolo?! 
:'''Lilo''': Stitch could drive!
:'''Nani''': He doesn't have a license!
:'''Stitch''': ''[pulls out his collar and license]'' Chuwapa!
:'''Nani''': Sorry. We only have one working car, and I need it for work!
:'''Lilo''': But there's an experiment loose!
:'''Nani''': It can find its own ride! I have to get to the rental hut. Business is way off, and old man Juan is getting grouchy.
:'''Lilo''': But--
:'''Nani''': I'll be home after work! ''[leaves]''
:'''Jumba''': Uh, little girl, is my hearing correct? One of my precious creations is running about free?
:'''Lilo''': Yeah. It likes water and it has a really big butt. ''[opens the doggy door]'' ''JUST LIKE MY SISTER!!''
:'''Nani''': Hey!
:'''Jumba''': Experiment that is liking water and having large posterior. Ah! That would be 520! ''[chuckles]'' I was true evilling genius that day. 520 turns any body of water into giant destructive wave!
:'''Lilo''': It keeps trying to get to the ocean.
:'''Jumba''': That I'd like to be seeing! Would make wave so big, whole planet will be destructed! ''[laughs maniacally until he notices Lilo glaring at him]'' Oh, it would be bad thing, yes?
:'''Lilo''': Hello?! Just think of all the jellyfish! No jellyfish, no jelly, no PB&amp;J! 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Gantu hops back to his ship after Stitch immobilized him with life preservers]''
:'''Gantu''': 625! ''[hops into the main room but fall over]''
:'''625''': Whoa! Rough day? Whoo! You look like last week's lettuce!
:'''Gantu''': Get a blaster! Hurry!
:'''625''': ''[grabs a blaster]'' Okay, now what?
:'''Gantu''': Cut me free, you insipid trog!
:'''625''': You're in luck, fish breath. I took a class in advanced applied blasting. ''[fires the blaster]''
:'''Gantu''': Hey!
:'''625''': Oops! ''[fires the blaster again]''
:'''Gantu''': Careful!
:'''625''': Sorry! ''[fires the blaster once more]''
:'''Gantu''': Ow!
:'''625''': Stop squirming!
:'''Gantu''': Ooh!
:'''625''': My bad.
:'''Gantu''': You almost vaporized me!
:'''625''': Oh, yeah? That's what my teacher used to say!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[After 520 creates a giant wave to wash away Gantu]''
:'''Lilo''': I'm gonna name you, Cannonball, because you like to make waves.
:'''Cannonball''': Nagachu!
:'''Moses''': Congratulations, Lilo! ''[places the first place ribbon on Lilo's sand sculpture]'' Mertle's design is good, too, but you showed more aloha today. ''[gestures to the giant &quot;ALOHA&quot; signature on the tower]''
:'''Lilo''': Awesome!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Gantu wakes up after being washed away by Cannonball]''
:'''Gantu''': Huh?! [[w:San Francisco|San Francisco]]?! Oh, dumb blitznak!

== ''Yapper (Experiment 007 a.k.a. Gigi)'' [1.08] ==
:''[Lilo goes through a shopping list while Stitch carries the groceries]''
:'''Lilo''': That's it: Eggs, bread, peanut butter... Didn't we buy this stuff two days ago?
:'''Stitch''': ''[eats the whole grocery bag]'' Kinjiju ichay!
:'''Lilo''': Oh, right. You ate everything.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch goes crazy after eating a whole barrel full of [[w:Kona Coffee|Kona coffee beans]] and chugs down water from a fire hydrant]''
:'''Mertle''': Looks like your weird dog needs to go to obedient school.
:'''Yuki, Teresa and Elena''': ''YYYYEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!''
:'''Lilo''': Stitch ''is'' obedient! He just has a problem with coffee. Stitch! Shut it off!
:''[Stitch twists the hydrant and puts the valve back on]''
:'''Lilo''': ''[notices Mertle's new [[w:Shih-Tzu|Shih-Tzu]]]'' You have a dog?
:'''Mertle''': We prefer the term, &quot;fur-person&quot;. I found her. Her name is Gigi. She's going to the National Junior Dog Show in Honolulu this weekend.
:''[As Stitch goes near Gigi, she yaps loudly at him]''
:'''Stitch''': Hmmm...
:'''Mertle''': But ''you'' wouldn't know anything about dog shows!
:'''Lilo''': I know ''everything'' about dog shows!
:''[a chomp is heard and Lilo sees that Stitch has swallowed Gigi alive; Mertle screams]''
:'''Lilo''': Stitch! ''[pulls Gigi out of Stitch's mouth and gives her back to Mertle]'' Sorry. It's the coffee.
:'''Mertle''': ''[gasps]'' Gigi's clauffeur! ''[Lilo pull's Gigi's bow out of Stitch's mouth]'' Found it! ''[puts the bow back on Gigi]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Jumba and Pleakley agrees to take Lilo to Honolulu to enter in the dog show]''
:'''Nani''': You promise to watch her?
:'''Jumba''': As if she were precious treasure. Crossing my heart.
:'''Pleakley''': And I will make sure she brushes her teeth and wears her seatbelt and never talks to rangers!
:'''Nani''': Strangers!
:'''Pleakley''': No strangers? But some of the most interesting people to talk to are stran... ''[Nani glares at him angrily]'' Right! No strangers!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu gears up to capture another experiment]''
:'''625''': Hey, going out to capture a useless experiment, huh?
:'''Gantu''': Useless, perhaps, but this one should be easy.
:'''625''': Yeah, right, halibut head! That's what you said about the other two or three dozen!
:'''Gantu''': Ah, but I have a new strategy: Since the little girl and the abomination always seem one step ahead of me, I'll simply follow them! ''[laughs but then hears thunder]'' Ah, thundershower! Hmm, maybe Hämsterviel doesn't need this experiment. He's in jail anyway. How would he find out if...
:'''625''': ''[talking to Hämsterviel]'' That's exactly what he said, sir: &quot;Maybe Hämsterviel doesn't ''need'' this experiment!&quot; ''[Gantu angrily glares at 625]'' Don't forget your umbrella!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after the gang land in Honolulu, courtesy of Pleakley's 28 credit cards]''
:'''Pleakley''': At last, the big city.
:''[Stitch runs up to a view of Honolulu and laughs maniacally]''
:'''Lilo''': I know you always wanted to see a big city.
:'''Jumba''': ''See'' big cities? 626 programmed to ''destroy'' big cities!
:'''Lilo''': But he won't, because he wants to be good and help me win the dog show and show Mertle we're ''not riffraff!'' Right, Stitch?
:'''Stitch''': ''[reluctantly]'' Mmm-hmm.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Registration Lady''': Dog's name?
:'''Lilo''': Stitch.
:'''Registration Lady''': And what exactly is your dog's breed, dear?
:'''Lilo''': Blue-furred Extoplasmic Detection Dog. Ancient Egyptians used them to contact their mummy relatives in the underworld.
:'''Registration Lady''': I don't see any...
:'''Lilo''': He's very rare. Probably the last of his breed. Only the top dog people really know about them.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo wakes up]''
:'''Lilo''': It's 6:30! We overslept! Stitch, wake up! ''[pulls out the blanket to see Stitch gone]'' Oh, no! He went out to destroy the city!
:'''Jumba''': Ooh! I always wanted to witness that!
:''[they suddenly look behind them to see Stitch has actually left to grab some ice cubes]''
:'''Stitch''': Egata?
:'''Lilo''': Oh, I thought... Never mind.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu captures Gigi]''
:'''Mertle''': My Gigi!
:'''Jumba''': My experiment!
:'''Pleakley''': Your what?!
:'''Jumba''': Experiment 007! Did not to recognize after so many grooming and watch ribbons!
:'''Lilo''': Gigi... is an experiment?!
:'''Jumba''': Sure! Very early project. Can lie down, sit, fetch, annoy neighbors with evil shrill bark.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo, Stitch, Jumba, and Pleakley have returned home; Pleakley counts the beauty products he got from Honolulu]''
:'''Pleakley''': Soaps, shampoos, bathrobe, love it! It's just like being there! 
:'''Nani''': ''[appears with a ton of mail]'' All the mail is for you, Pleakley. Looks like it's all bills.
:'''Pleakley''': Bills? What are bills?
:'''Nani''': Bills are what you ''owe'' when you charge on your 28 credit cards!
:'''Pleakley''': Owe? As in money? Nobody asked for any money. ''[looks at a bill]'' Oh, my goodness! Is that a balance due or an intergalactic zip code?! How can they do this to me?! I'm not even a citizen!

== ''Yin-Yang (Experiments 501 &amp; 502 a.k.a. Yin and Yang)'' [1.09] ==
:''[Gantu gets out of his shower to find that Experiments 501 and 502 have both activated at the same time]'' 
:'''Gantu''': By the luck of the Fubockoo Nebula! Two experiments at the same time! Do you realize what this means?! Dr. Hämsterviel will pay a double bounty on delivery! ''[625 is sitting in his chair, reading a book]'' Eh, 625? ''[no response, Gantu removes the book to see that 625 is really fast asleep]'' '''625!!'''
:'''625''': ''[wakes up to see Gantu in a towel]'' Ooh, yow! Not what I like to see when I first wake up! ''[gets up to leave]''
:'''Gantu''': ''[blocks the way out]'' I've been thinking...
:'''625''': Ooh, careful! Don't hurt yourself using all that brain power!
:'''Gantu''': It's time you started pulling your weight around here. You're going to help me capture those experiments!
:'''625''': Y'know what, babe, I would love to, but I can't. It'd cut in to my sandwich schedule.
:'''Gantu''': ''[grabs 625 and gets ready to punch him]'' Add this to you schedule: A ''knuckle'' sandwich!
:'''625''': Just lost my appetite! Fine, I'll go! ''[Gantu drops him]'' Whoa! Hold on, brainiac! Don't you think it'd be better if we split up and each went after ''one'' experiment?
:'''Gantu''': What? I'd just leave you alone to goof off?!
:'''625''': If Wittle Gantu needs me to hold his hand and go witch him, I will!
:'''Gantu''': Fine! We'll each catch our own!
:'''625''': Good! I'll just pack some sandwiches.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch get into an argument after failing to wax David's board while David was trying to teach them about [[w:Yin and Yang|Yin and Yang]]]''
:'''Lilo''': I don't know what David was talking about. I could've waxed that board without you!
:'''Stitch''': Naga tay!
:'''Lilo''': Could too! Because I'm smarter!
:'''Stitch''': Hmph! Wa naga tikiday!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch fail to capture 501 and 502]''
:'''Lilo''': You had him, alright! Tied up his arms like a pretzel! It was hurting him, you big bully!
:'''Stitch''': Nugishaw!
:'''Lilo''': It was ''not'' my fault!
:'''Stitch''': Nugishaw!
:'''Lilo''': Was not!
:'''Stitch''': Nugishaw!
:'''Lilo''': '''WAS NOT!!'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Jumba explains 501 and 502 to Lilo and Stitch]''
:'''Jumba''': Is very important 501 and 502 do ''not'' come in contact.
:'''Lilo''': Why?
:'''Jumba''': If they were to touch, could be cataclysmic disaster of epic proportions!
:'''Lilo''': Why? 
:'''Jumba''': Because of massive release of quantum energy! 501 plus 502 equal one big boom!
:'''Pleakley''': What is it with you and the big booms and the evil and the destruction? Why didn't you create an experiment to do something constructive, like, say, oh, I don't know, IRONING?!
:'''Jumba''': I am genius only! Not miracle worker.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch challenge each other that they can capture the experiments without the other]''
:'''Jumba''': 626 accepts little girl's challenge. Of course, genetically superior 626 will easily catches target before little girl.
:'''Pleakley''': Pshaw! He's nothing without Lilo! She has Earth brains, Earth instinct. He's just a monster!
:'''Jumba''': Perhaps willing to make a wager?
:'''Pleakley''': Willing?! I am ''dying'' to! But galactic waging rules requires stakes.
:'''Jumba''': ''[chuckles]'' Stakes are best part. Let's see. Ha! Loser of bet must perform dreaded Gloknar Ceremony Dance!
:'''Pleakley''': ''[gasps]'' The thunky Gloknar?! The Witless Dance of 1,000 hours!
:'''Jumba''': Is one-eye scared like &quot;bok-bok&quot; Earth fowl that crosses road?
:'''Pleakley''': Not this one-eye, Senor Four-Eye!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu falls into a 625's sandwich trap as Lilo, Stitch, Jumba, and Pleakley spy on them]''
:'''Gantu''': Did you hear that?! Those experiments have escaped again, thanks to you!
:'''Lilo''': Oh, no!
:'''625''': Oh, that is so pathetic that you have to blame for your screwup! Hmph!
:'''Gantu''': If we had worked together in the first place, like I said, we wouldn't be in this mess!
:''[Lilo and Stitch realize the error of their ways after hearing this]''
:'''Lilo''': The big dummy is right, Stitch. 
:'''Stitch''': Ih.
:'''Lilo''': Maybe if we worked together...
:'''Jumba''': Never mind making up! First, be finding 501 and 502 and making certain they do not make with the touching or tapping or patting!
:'''Lilo''': Why do you keep saying that?
:'''Jumba''': If I'm telling once, I'm telling more than once! Lava genius experiment and water genius experiment must not touch!
:'''Lilo''': Wait a minute, that's not what David said.
:'''Jumba''': And what does local surfer boy know of this?!
:'''Lilo''': Maybe it's what he was trying to tell us about Yin and Yang: two very different things come together to make on good thing. Like peanut butter and jelly. Or doughnuts and mustard.
:'''Stitch''': Stitch and Lilo?
:'''Lilo''': Yeah.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch work together to capture Yin and Yang and shake hands at the end]''
:'''Pleakley''': Aha! Lilo's clever plan worked! I win!
:'''Jumba''': No, no, no! It was 626's strength and agility that captured experiments. ''I'' am winning!
:'''Lilo''': Nope! We caught'em at the exact same time together. Right, Stitch?
:'''Stitch''': Ih, ih!
:'''Jumba''': Which means we tied! Yeah-- Oh! No, is not good.
:'''Pleakley''': Intergalactic wagering rules states in the events of a tie, ''both'' parties must pay the bet! ''[sobs]'' We both lose!

== ''Kixx (Experiment 601)'' [1.10] ==
:''[Lilo falls over while trying to skateboard without following Keoni's advice]''
:'''Keoni''': Crazy bale! Are you alright?
:'''Lilo''': Skateboarding is stupid.
:'''Keoni''': Hey, no pain, no gain. You can't expect to learn it all in one try.
:'''Lilo''': I tried twice! 
:'''Keoni''': This time, I'll teach you how to stop.
:'''Lilo''': I know how to stop. I'm stopping skateboarding. ''[takes off the helmet and gives it to Keoni]'' Let's go, Stitch.
:''[Stitch gives Keoni his backpack, which is empty after he ate Keoni's shoes and macadamia nuts, and then leaves with Lilo]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Jumba''': Ah, yes! That's 601. Oh, he's trouble. Is big bully. Sole purpose is to pick fights. Will defeat anyone except, maybe, 626.
:'''Lilo''': No experiment can beat Stitch. Stitch is undefeatable! Right, Stitch?
:'''Stitch''': ''[standing on the ceiling]'' Ih. ''[grumbles and then falls off the ceiling]''
:'''Lilo''': Come on, we've got to catch 601, and you're driving!
:'''Stitch''': Ih!
:''[scene cuts to Stitch driving the buggy in reverse]''
:'''Lilo''': You really aren't yourself today, are you?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Jumba diagnoses Stitch to see what is wrong with him]''
:'''Jumba''': I have diagnosis!
:'''Lilo''': What is it?
:'''Jumba''': He ate macadamia nut.
:'''Pleakley''': That's it?
:'''Lilo''': Is that bad?
:'''Jumba''': Normally, macadamia nut is delicious snack. But data indicates he also ate tennis shoe.
:'''Lilo''': A left one, but he spit it up!
:'''Jumba''': Not soon enough. Combination of metolayic acid found in macadamia nut oil and tennis shoe rubber created same chemical compound as Crezonyte.
:'''Pleakley''': Crezonyte?! Ugh! Ew! It's toxic stuff! It ruins your complexion! Ruined mine anyway!
:'''Lilo''': So... what did that stuff do to Stitch?
:'''Jumba''': Caused system to shut down. He is like computer creation. Wipe out all training memory. 626's superpowers go super-kaput!
:'''Lilo''': How will he defeat 601 if he can't remember how to fight?
:'''Jumba''': ''[sighs]'' We'll have to retrain from scratch.
:'''Lilo''': You did once. You can do it again, right?
:'''Jumba''': Wrong. Last time training gave slipped disk.
:'''Lilo''': So who's gonna retrain Stitch? Me?
:'''Jumba''': Excellent idea! ''[drops a stack of books near Lilo]'' Here are training manuals, must be trained in agility, hand-by coordination, and strength. Wishing you for good luck.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch is almost done with his training]''
:'''TV Reporter''': This just in: The purple pugilist pig was just seen running down Pier 13. It appears he's headed for Muscle Bay.
:'''Stitch''': ''[snarls]'' Ogata! Ogata!
:'''Lilo''': Almost, but not yet. We've got one more training manual to go: &quot;Fighting Four-Armed Beasts&quot;.
:'''Stitch''': Stitch ready!
:'''Lilo''': Don't you think this might come in handy?
:'''Stitch''': Carachita! ''[runs off to challenge Kixx]''
:'''Lilo''': Stitch, no! You're gonna get your keister kicked! '''STITCH!!!'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu has a broken leg after being defeated by Kixx]''
:'''Gantu''': How could it beat me?! I'm an expert at 12 martial arts! Judo, Glaxian Jiu-Jitsu!
:'''625''': You're lying! The only martial you know is Tae-kwan-get-your-butt-kicked!
:'''Gantu''': I will not be made a fool of!
:'''625''': Too late!
:'''Gantu''': I will capture you...

== ''Splodyhead (Experiment 619)'' [1.11] ==
:''[Lilo and Stitch lost an experiment pod to a seagull who flew off to [[w:Ni'ihau|Ni'ihau]]; Lilo and Stitch ride around the rental hunt on their tricycle]''
:'''Lilo''': Aloha, Nani! Going to Ni'ihau! Bye!
:'''Nani''': Lilo!
:'''Lilo''': ''[whispers to herself]'' Almost made it. 
:'''Nani''': You are not crossing 15 miles of open ocean alone.
:'''Lilo''': But I'll have Stitch with me.
:'''Nani''': Stitch sinks, remember?
:'''Lilo''': Then why don't you come?
:'''Nani''': I can't. I told David I'd help out at the resort luau, setting tables and lighting tiki torches.
:'''Lilo''': But this is an epic showdown. You see, although I believe all creatures have some good in them, Stitch thinks Gantu is pure evil. So, he ''really'' wants to get this experiment pod we're after.
:'''Stitch''': Ih! ''[pedals hardly on the trike]''
:'''Lilo''': No, Stitch! Wait!
:'''Stitch''': ''[pedals so hard that part of the trike becomes buried in sand]'' Spabata! 
:'''Nani''': ''[sighs]'' Alright. You can go, but house rules apply.
:'''Lilo''': I know: take Jumba and Pleakley and be home for dinner! Thanks! And good luck with your bit torch-lighting gig!
:'''Nani''': And good luck fighting evil! What am I saying?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch takes his duty to find the experiment very seriously as he looks around the rocks]''
:'''Stitch''': Maka maka! Egata!
:'''Lilo''': What's your hurry?
:'''Stitch''': Meega kweesta Gantu!
:'''Lilo''': We're not after Big, Tall, and Ugly. Let's just concentrate on getting the pod before he does, okay?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu returns to his ship after looking around the island while 625 relaxes nearby]''
:'''625''': Hey, I see you caught an experiment!
:'''Gantu''': What?! Where?!
:'''625''': Gotcha! ''[laughs]'' Ah, you're way too easy, G! So, did ya find anything?
:'''Gantu''': Only ocean and a wall of rock. The trog probably got to the experiment first!
:'''625''': ''[hears a zap sound]'' Hey, is that the experiment?
:'''Gantu''': Ha, ha, very funny.
:'''625''': No, no, no! I mean it! ''[ducks behind a rock]''
:'''Gantu''': I'm not falling for it!
:''[Suddenly, a giant plasma shot explodes near Gantu and he is blasted to where 625 is hiding]''
:'''Gantu''': You weren't kidding.
:'''625''': Figured it out by yourself, did ya, fish flanks?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo, Stitch, Jumba, Pleakley, Gantu, and 625 are stranded on the island due to Splodyhead]''
:'''Lilo''': Okay, things are not working out like we planned, but they could be worse.
:'''Pleakley''': Worse than being trapped under this rock and stranded on this accursed island?!
:'''625''': Without food and water?!
:'''Jumba''': Don't forget, 619 is waiting to blast us to pieces.
:'''Gantu''': And the sun is going down.
:'''Lilo''': Well... We could have the mumps.
:''[everyone stares at Lilo in disbelief]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Nani returns home with groceries]''
:'''Nani''': Lilo? Anybody? ''[the phone rings; she picks it up]'' Lilo?
:'''David''': Nani? It's David. You still coming by to help set up the luau?
:'''Nani''': ''[sighs]'' Lilo went to Ni'ihau with the aliens. She was supposed to be home by now, but, of course, she isn't, so....
:'''David''': Rescue mission?
:'''Nani''': Bingo.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after Jumba tells Lilo that Splodyhead plans to pick the group off one by one]''
:'''Pleakley''': ''[draws an eye on a coconut]'' One by one? Marking us each for a fiery demise, 'till one of use is left all alone. It really will be me! Right, Coco? Coco here was raised on the Forbidden Isle, and knows the secrets of its evil curse!
:'''Jumba''': Strange fruit has secret information? Let me see, gimme that.
:'''Pleakley''': Stay away from Coco! We have a plan! We're not staying here a second longer! Run, Coco! Run! ''[runs out into the ocean]'' Escape the Forbidden Island! ''[a giant wave washes him back ashore]'' Oh, the indignity! And the evil curse!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Nani and David take Lilo and the group back to Kauai; Gantu and 625 are also given rides after giving away Splodyhead as payment]''
:'''Pleakley''': ''[put Coco into the water]'' You did it, Coco. You finally escaped the Forbidden Island, though not its evil curse. Not its evil curse.
:'''David''': Ni'ihau is not forbidden because of a curse. It's forbidden because you need an invitation to visit.
:'''Pleakley''': NO CURSE?! Of course, I knew it all the time.

== ''Amnesio (Experiment 303)'' [1.12] ==

:'''Computer''': ''Warning. Experiment 303 activated. Primary function: erases memories.''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:'''Lilo''': Stitch... Do you remember what day it is?
:'''Stitch''': ''[snores]'' Naga.
:'''Lilo''': It's the best day of the year: my birthday! ''[shakes Stitch's bed, waking up Stitch]''
:'''Stitch''': ''[groans]'' Bata ichi!
:'''Lilo''': ''[pulls Stitch's blanket away]'' Wake up, sleepyhead!
:'''Stitch''': Chubata! ''[grabs the blanket with his toes, tripping Lilo]''
:'''Lilo''': Fine! But you'll miss the balloons, and the mariachi band, and cake... coconut cake!
:''[the mention of coconut cake wakes up Stitch, who excitingly chews on his pillow]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Lilo, Stitch, and Gantu had their memories erased by Experiment 303]''
:'''Lilo''': What am I doing here? And who are you guys?
:'''Gantu''': I'm... uh... I'm not quite sure who I am, frankly.
:'''Lilo''': And who are you?
:'''Stitch''': Trumba! Meega enesta chi?
:'''Lilo''': He's even more confused than us. He's speaking a different language.
:'''Gantu''': ''[chuckles]'' It's okay, little fella. No... ''[Stitch bites his finger]'' OW!
:'''Lilo''': Watch out! It's a monster! ''[ducks under a table]''
:'''Stitch''': '''MEEGA NALA KWEESTA!!!''' ''[grabs a palm tree and pounds Gantu with it and then runs off to wreak havoc]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Lilo/Martha and Gantu/Lenny go into an arcade; Lilo/Martha is playing [[w:Galaga|Galaga]]]''
:'''Lilo/Martha''': Hey, Lenny! I won an extra ship! 
:''[Gantu/Lenny looks around the arcade to find what looks like Stitch but is really a kid in a blue outfit]''
:'''Gantu/Lenny''': ''[pulls out his blaster]'' Stay here, Martha.
:'''Kid''': ''[playing [[w:Street Fighter|Street Fighter]]]'' You want some? Oh, yeah!
:'''Gantu/Lenny''': ''[grabs the kid]'' I've got you know, convict!
:'''Kid''': Help!
:'''Lilo/Martha''': Lenny, no! He's not the convict! He's just a kid!
:'''Gantu/Lenny''': Martha, I think I know a little more about criminals than you. ''[looks that he really just grabbed a kid]'' Oh. Sorry, kid. ''[puts the kid down]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Jumba and Pleakley see that Lilo, Stitch, and Gantu have lost their memories]''
:'''Jumba''': Uh-oh! Is Experiment 303.
:'''Pleakley''': Oh, Experiment 303. Well, now it all makes sense. ''[angrily turns to Jumba]'' You think I know all 626 of all your evil monsters by number?! What does it do for Earth's sake?!
:'''Jumba''': Is designed to wipe out memories. 
:'''Pleakley''': You made a monster that gives people amnesia?!
:'''Jumba''': Guess. I can see it was success.
:'''Lilo/Martha''': Go back a second. Did you say I'm Lilo?
:'''Jumba''': Of course. 
:'''Stitch''': Neesa amina?
:'''Jumba''': You are 626, also called Stitch. You catch my experiments like Experiment 303, and find one true place where they belong.
:'''Lilo/Martha''': ''[points to Gantu/Lenny]'' And he helps us?
:'''Jumba''': Uh, no. He is evil yet incompetent experiment hunter. He is hated by pretty much everyone.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Lilo says the password that restores their memories, which is &quot;ohana&quot;]''
:'''Lilo''': Stitch?
:'''Stitch''': Lilo!
:'''Lilo''': We're back!
:'''Gantu''': So am I! To reclaim the abomination that was mine all along!
:'''Lilo''': What happened to... ''[imitates Gantu]'' &quot;I don't want my old life of evil back&quot;?
:'''Gantu''': I didn't know what I was missing.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Lilo and Stitch return home after losing Amnesio to Gantu]''
:'''Lilo''': We lost our memories, we lost an experiment to Gantu, and no one remembered my birthday.
:'''Stitch''': Oh... ''[gets an idea]'' Etaba! ''[climbs a palm tree and gnaws it into a giant tiki totem pole]'' Happy Birthday!
:'''Lilo''': Ah, you didn't have to make me a present. I remember my ohana. That's the greatest gift of all. Even if they forget my birthday.
:''[Lilo and Stitch enter the house and lights go on]''
:'''Nani, David, Jumba, Pleakley, and Cobra Bubbles''': SURPRISE!
:'''Stitch''': COCONUT CAKE! ''[grabs Lilo's cake and eats in 5 seconds flat, but leaves one slice for Lilo]''
:'''Lilo''': I thought you all forgot.
:'''Nani''': Lilo, how could I ever forget your birthday? Remember what ohana means?
:'''Lilo''': Nobody gets left behind.
:'''Stitch, Jumba, Pleakley, David, and Cobra Bubbles''': Or forgotten.
:'''Lilo''': Oh, yeah! I forgot that part.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Gantu sends Amnesio to Hämsterviel]''
:'''Hämsterviel''': Still waiting... Where is it?!
:'''Gantu''': It'll be there any second, sir.
:'''Hämsterviel''': Any second is too slow! YOU'RE FIRED! F-I-R-E... ''[Amnesio finally arrives in his cell]'' Hello, what is this? ''[Amnesio zaps him in the eyes, erasing his memories]'' What? What was I saying? Who am I?
:'''Gantu''': Your name is Doofus. You're a dangerous criminal wanted in twelve galaxies!
:'''Hämsterviel''': Ooh, I am?
:'''Gantu''': Yes. Fortunately, you were trapped and captured by me: police officer Ace Jackson!

== ''Swirly (Experiment 383)'' [1.13] ==

:'''Computer''': ''Warning. Experiment 383 activated.''
:'''Hämsterviel''': An experiment is waiting for you and your bumbling fish mitts don't grab it for me! ''[notices Gantu watching TV]'' GANTU!
:'''Gantu''': ''[sighs]'' Yes, Dr. Hämsterviel, I'll get right on it, in just a minute.
:'''Hämsterviel''': Not in just a minute! Now, you lazy squid thing! NOW!
:'''Gantu''': But it's a marathon of ''Look at This!''
:'''625''': It's chowder chop's favorite show.
:'''Hämsterviel''': Well, my favorite show is watching your fishy butt get hit by the door on your way out to ''CATCH MY EXPERIMENT!!!''
:'''Gantu''': ''[sighs]'' Yes, sir. ''[to 625]'' Record it for me?
:'''625''': Well, I could do that, but I'm thinking the Sandwich Channel.
:''[Gantu growls in frustation as he leaves]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Pleakley is practicing a juggling routine for Look At This!]''
:'''Pleakley''': Let's see. Maracas, bowling ball, precious family heirloom, that's good, and here we go! ''[begins juggling with the maracas, the bowling ball, and a priceless lamp]'' Yes! Yes! 
:''[the bowling ball lands on Pleakley's foot and the maracas hit him on the head; Stitch grabs the lamp before it could break]''
:'''Stitch''': Phew!
:'''Lilo''': Why are smashing your feet?
:'''Pleakley''': Haven't you heard? ''Look At This!'' is coming to Kauai! I intend to demonstrate the mastery of Earth-style juggling. ''[moves the bowling ball off his foot]''
:'''Lilo''': Not you too! You sound just like Mertle. She thinks ''Look At This!'' is all that!
:'''Pleakley''': Well, Mertle sounds like a small Earth female with exquisite taste! ''[Stitch begins playing with his maraca]'' Unhand my maraca, you monster! Figure out your own audition!
:'''Lilo''': Don't worry. I'd feed myself to the sharks before I let Stitch go on that show.
:'''Pleakley''': Just the same! The juggling routine is mine!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Lilo has been hypnotized by Swirly to be like Mertle, who happens to love Look at This! while Stitch is also hypnotized by him to love the show]''
:'''Mertle''': Okay, first the left hip, and.... ''[notices Lilo, who has the same hairstyle and glasses as her]'' AHH! What are ''you'' doing here, Lilo?!
:'''Lilo''': I'm not going to let ''you'' ruin our big TV debut with your boring old dance moves, ''Mer-Tle!''
:'''Yuki''': Huh?
:'''Teresa''': What?
:'''Elena''': Who are you?
:'''Stitch''': ''[dashes to the TV with a pillow and popcorn]'' Eeka toola!
:'''Mertle''': I thought you hated ''Look At This!''
:'''Lilo''': As if! You gotta love it!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Gantu has been hypnotized by Swirly; 625 then tells him to obey the first suggestion after hypnosis]''
:'''625''': Have a peanut butter sandwich. Wait, wait, make that a peanut butter and sardine sandwich!
:'''Gantu''': ''[shoves the sandwich into his mouth]'' Delicious!
:'''625''': ''[chuckles]'' Now, hop on one foot and say &quot;blah-blah-blah&quot;.
:'''Gantu''': Blah-blah-blah! ''[begins hopping around the ship]'' Blah-blah-blah!
:'''Hämsterviel''': What is the meaning of the silly hopping with the mouth filled with fancy-pancy nonsense?!
:'''625''': It's cool, Doc. Check this out. Hey, twinkle-toes, dance like a ballerina and tell Dr. Hämsterviel you're a big blubberhead.
:'''Gantu''': I'm a big blubberhead. ''[makes a goofy face and begins dancing like a ballerina]''
:'''Hämsterviel''': ''[laughs]'' The large fishy one has succumbed to the powers of Experiment 383! I remember him. Big fun at parties. Gantu, stick out your tongue and make raspberry-like spitting noises!
:'''625''': And balance yourself on a rolling pin!
:'''Hämsterviel''': While juggling your sandwich-making thing stuff!
:'''625''': With a cake on your head!
:'''Hämsterviel''': And a cherry on top!
:''[Gantu does exactly what he is told; 625 and Hämsterviel crack up laughing]''

== ''Fibber (Experiment 032)'' [1.14] ==
:''[Lilo looks at Jumba's computer to identify the new experiment she and Stitch just caught]''
:'''Lilo''': No. No. Cool, but no. I got it! It's...
:'''Jumba''': Experiment 032.
:'''Lilo''': Yeah. I knew which experiment it was all along.
:''[032 beeps loudly and his forehead lights up]''
:'''Jumba''': ''[chuckles]'' 032 says you are telling fib.
:'''Lilo''': How does he know?
:'''Jumba''': Is lie detector experiment. The more you lie, the more he beeps. Forces people to tell truth, resulting in complete chaos. Is genius, no? ''[chuckles]''
:'''Lilo''': How can the truth cause chaos?
:'''Jumba''': ''[picks up a t-shirt]'' Ah, society is like cloth, and lies are the thread which are holding it together. ''[pulls a thread on the t-shirt, causing it to fall apart]'' Pull thread, civilization unravels. ''[chuckles]'' Humans cannot survive telling truth all the time.
:'''Lilo''': I'm gonna name you Fibber. Until we find a new home for you, you can stay with me in my house.
:'''Nani''': ''[off-screen]'' Lilo! Did you clean up your room?
:'''Lilo''': Yes.
:''[Fibber beeps loudly, exposing her that she's lying]''
:'''Stitch''': ''[laughs]'' Ajibba!
:'''Lilo''': Stitch's bed. ''[Stitch stops laughing]'' That's where you'll stay. He's the one that caught you anyway. ''[Stitch growls in frustration]'' And keep him out of the way. We don't want the t-shirt of civilization to come apart.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Pleakley's cell phone begins ringing in the middle of the night; waking Lilo]''
:'''Lilo''': Pleakley, you're phone is ringing.
:'''Jumba''': Eh, it's his mother. Always calling, night and day, telling him to find wife.
:'''Lilo''': A wife? Like a lady to marry?
:'''Pleakley''': No! No! There will be no wife, no lady, and no marrying! My Earth studies are my life. I don't have time for a relationship.
:'''Lilo''': ''[picks up Pleakley's phone]'' Hello?
:'''Pleakley''': ''[whispers]'' Lilo, no! Hang up!
:''[Lilo tosses the phone to Pleakley]''
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': Hello? Pleakley? Is that you?
:'''Pleakley''': Mother?
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': Pleakley! Aw, you know how long I've been trying to reach you?
:'''Pleakley''': No, I don't! You see, I... lost my phone in the ocean.
:''[Fibber beeps loudly]''
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': So, tell me, son, have you found a nice girl to marry yet?
:'''Pleakley''': I'm working on it.
:''[meanwhile, in Lilo's rooftop dome, Stitch is kept awake by Fibber's beeping]''
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': Well, you can stop looking, because I found one for you. ''[shows a picture of an ugly Plorganarian girl]'' Ta-da! ''[Pleakley gags]'' She is breathtaking, isn't she? Now, her parents are arranging a big, fancy wedding as we speak. 
:'''Pleakley''': W-w-w-wedding?!
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': I knew you would be thrilled! Pack your things. A limo craft is on its way to bring you back home to meet your new bride!
:'''Pleakley''': Wait! I am not thrilled! ''[his mom hangs up]'' I'm the opposite of thrilled! I'm ''un''-thrilled! I DON'T WANNA GET MARRIED!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Pleakley follows Lilo and Jumba's suggestions to lie to his mother saying that he's already found a woman to marry]''
:'''Pleakley''': Yes, I'm engaged. Isn't that wonderful.
:''[Fibber beeps loudly]''
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': When did all this happen?
:'''Pleakley''': Well, just... a few hours ago. Yeah, a few hours ago. I've been... ''[Fibber beeps again]'' just so busy getting engaged that I forgot to tell you. ''[Fibber beeps twice; Stitch grabs Fibber and puts him in the ceiling lamp]'' Nice girl? Of course she's a nice girl. Cook? She's a... professional chef.
:''[Fibber's muffled beeping and lights emanate from the lamp]''
:'''Lilo''': ''[to Stitch]'' Keep him quiet!
:'''Pleakley''': Yes, I'm afraid you will have to call off that big, fancy wedding, 'cause I'm getting married on Sunday.
:''[Fibber beeps loudly]''
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': What's that crazy beeping?
:'''Pleakley''': Uh... it's the doorbell. ''[Fibber beeps again]'' Yes, it's the doorbell. Wedding planner's here. Gotta go. ''[hangs up]''
:'''Lilo''': Well?
:'''Pleakley''': She bought it. She actually bought it. This lying thing is working out really well. ''[there's a knock at the door]'' Hmm. Who could that be? Oh, it's that limo craft Mother sent to pick me up. You know, before I told her I was engaged. ''[chuckles]'' Boy, did I pull the wool over Mom's eye. She is so... ''[opens the door to see his mom, his sister Pixley and brother Bertley at the door]'' '''HERE!!!'''
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': We hopped a wormhole as soon as we found out.
:'''Pleakley''': I... I...
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': What? Did you think your own family would miss your wedding? Come here. Give Mama a hug!
:'''Pleakley''': Uh...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo asks Nani if she could pose as Pleakley's fiancé]''
:'''Nani''': Are you lolo?!
:'''Lilo''': But otherwise, I'll lose one of my alien babysitters.
:'''Nani''': You'll still have your Uncle Jumba! I'm not gonna be Pleakley's fiancé!
:'''Lilo''': Okay, I understand. Besides, Jumba is perfectly qualified to be my babysitter. Jumba! Can I play with the chainsaw?
:'''Jumba''': Of course! But try not to lose finger! Is messy!
:'''Nani''': Alright! Alright, I'll do it.
:'''Lilo''': Thanks, Nani. I'll never be bad again.
:''[Fibber beeps loudly]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Nani is serving dinner]''
:'''Nani''': ''[pulls out a burnt casserole out of the oven]'' Well... Looks like it's ready. Volcano Surprise! ''[places the casserole on the table and sits down; Pleakley puts his hand over her shoulder]''
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': Oh, it's so good to see my son finally getting married.
:'''Pixley''': So, Wendy tells us you're...
:''[Pleakley spits out his mild in shock]''
:'''Nani and Lilo''': &quot;Wendy?!&quot;
:'''Pixley''': My brother, your fiancé, the one-eyed wonder sitting next to you.
:'''Nani''': His name is Wendy?
:'''Bertley''': You're marrying him and you don't even know his name?
:'''Nani''': Oh, well... I always just call him Honeykins. ''[hugs Pleakley]''
:''[Fibber beeps loudly; Stitch grabs Fibber and tosses him into the clothes hamper and shoves laundry into it to stifle the beeping]''
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': Oh, he was always embarrassed by his name. I don't understand why. It means &quot;brave warrior&quot; in Plarganar.
:'''Bertley''': Oh, how I wanted that name.
:'''Pixley''': Maybe he was embarrassed by it because he couldn't live up to it. I mean, look at his career. 
:'''Pleakley''': Excuse me, but being an Earth expert is highly respectable.
:'''Pixley''': I'm the CEO of a medium-sized galaxy. I have a bathroom in my office. ''You'' share a bunkbed with an evil scientist. Do the math, brother.
:'''Pleakley''': Okay, okay! Pick on Wendy time is over!
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': Let's talk about the wedding. Now, how many guests are you having?
:'''Pleakley''': Guests? Oh, let's see. About..
:'''Lilo''': None. They're getting married at... City Hall.
:''[Fibber beeps again; Stitch traps Fibber in the dryer]''
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': That's crazy talk! No son of mine is swearing his intergalactically binding vows without a decent wedding!
:'''Nani''': ''[glaring at Lilo]'' Eternal binding ''vows?!''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[the phone rings; Pixley picks at up]''
:'''Pixley''': Hello. Wendy's hovel.
:'''David''': Aloha. Who is this?
:'''Pixley''': This is Pixley Pleakley, Ph.D. and CEO of the Glorknot Galaxy. Who's this?
:'''David''': This is David, surfer and Nani's boyfriend.
:'''Pixley''': Boyfriend? Apparently, Nani didn't tell you she's engaged.
:'''David''': She's ''what?!''
:'''Pixley''': Engaged, as &quot;engaged to be married.&quot; Are all you Earth people this dense? ''[hangs up]''
:'''David''': Nani's getting... ''married?!''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Pleakley's mom has Nani in a rather tight wedding dress]''
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': Oh, if only Grandma Pleakley could see you in her wedding dress.
:'''Nani''': Um, you know, I don't think we'll be able to this whole wedding thing. I mean, we don't even have anyone to marry us.
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': There, there. Not to worry. I found you a minister. He was ordained at the Happy Slots Chapel in a place called &quot;[[w:Las Vegas|Lass Vegass]]&quot;. I think the veil hides a multitude of flaws, dear.
:''[Nani, furious, waddles outside to find Lilo making the floral arrangements]''
:'''Nani''': '''LIIIIILLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!''' Ugh! Ow! ''[hops towards Lilo]'' Lilo, this has gone way too far! I'm not going to marry Pleakley!
:'''Lilo''': But it's just pretend! Like when I married the rat that lives in the garage.
:'''Nani''': ''[takes off the veil]'' His mother ordered a real minister!
:'''Lilo''': You can't back out now! 
:'''Nani''': Watch me. ''[hops away]''
:'''Lilo''': Now what do I do?
:'''Jumba''': Little girl, did you want to play with this? ''[a chainsaw is heard]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu returns from his vacation]''
:'''Gantu''': I'm home. ''[sees the ship in a total mess]'' What?! My ship!
:'''625''': The par-tay is ov-er!
:'''Gantu''': ''[turns off the radio and finds the container computer beeping]'' How long has the container computer been beeping?!
:'''625''': Ever since you left, and boy, is it irritating. I just drowned it out with ''Electro Dance Party 4.''
:'''Computer''': Warning: Experiment 032 activated.
:'''Gantu''': Oh, Hämsterviel's going to pummel me!
:'''625''': Oh, that reminds me. The rat-face called, but not to worry. I hung up on him ''before'' he described how he was gonna pummel you.
:'''Gantu''': ''[grabs 625]'' When I get back, I'm pummeling ''you!''
:'''625''': Whoa. Oh, easy. Whoa. Too late there, cod-boy. Your breath beat you to it.
:''[Gantu drops 625 and goes out to capture Fibber]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch has Gantu tied up and is swinging him around on a palm tree]''
:'''Gantu''': You won't stop me, trog! I will get that lie-detect-- ''[Stich lets go, sending him flying]'' ORRRRRRRRR!!!
:'''Pixley''': A lie-detector?
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': A lie-detector? You mean this whole thing has been a great big lie? The fiancé, the wedding, everything?
:'''Pleakley''': Not everything exactly... ''[Fibber beeps loudly]'' Yes.
:'''Pixley''': We travelled 2 million miles for nothing?! I lost 2 days of my important work for this!
:''[Fibber beeps loudly]''
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': You are not fit to wear the name Wendy! 
:''[Fibber beeps again]''
:'''Bertley''': I hate you!
:''[Fibber beeps a third time; Pleakley sobs]''
:'''Lilo''': Hey, Fibber's been beeping. All that mean stuff your family just yelled at you must not be how they really feel.
:'''Pleakley''': It wasn't?
:'''Lilo''': Why else would Fibber have been beeping?
:'''Pleakley''': So... Bertley ''doesn't'' hate me.
:'''Bertley''': ''[ashamed]'' No. I don't hate you. I never did! I was just... jealous! I mean, look at you! You're tall, you're handsome, you're a babe magnet.
:'''Pleakley''': ''[looks at Fibber]'' He didn't beep. It must be true. I'm a babe magnet!
:'''Pixley''': And you're creative, too. I've felt inferior to you my whole life.
:'''Pleakley''': But you're the CEO of a galaxy!
:'''Pixley''': I was only trying to be better than you, and what did it get me? A high-powered career, a custom shoe closet, and bone-searing loneliness!
:'''David''': Your shoes have their own closet?
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': ''[cries]'' It's all my fault! I pushed you all too hard! I just wanted my children to be happy!
:'''Pleakley''': But Mom, I ''am'' happy.
:'''Pleakley's Mom''': Oh, don't be ridiculous! How can you be happy?! You're not even married!
:'''Pleakley''': I don't wanna be married, Mother. I'm happy just as I am.
:'''Bertley''': Then... can ''I'' marry Nani?
:'''Nani and David''': No!
:'''Bertley''': Oh.
:'''Pleakley''': You know, I'm even happier now that I know that you all really love me. You do, right?
:'''Pleakley's Mom and Bertley''': Well...
:'''Pixley''': Well, you're not perfect.
:'''Nani''': Perfect? Try living with a sister who pours grape jelly in your socks.
:'''Lilo''': Or a sister who hogs the bathroom for hours.
:'''Nani''': ''[hugs Lilo]'' But no matter how much we annoy each other, we're still ohana.
:'''Lilo''': And we love our ohana, just the way we are. ''[Stitch playfully jumps on the two sisters]'' See? The t-shirt of human civilization is made of love, not lies.
:'''Minister''': I hate to interrupt the love fest, but who's dropping the cha-ching? ''[holds out the bill for his services]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu captures Fibber and returns to his ship; he tries to lie to Hämsterviel to cover up his spa vacation]''
:'''Gantu''': No, no, no. I wasn't on vacation. ''[Fibber beeps loudly]'' It was an educational conference. ''[Fibber beeps again]''
:'''Hämsterviel''': You lying lump of rubber! You're on probation! ''[disconnects; Gantu sighs and facepalms]''
:'''625''': Y'know, Fib, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
:''[they both drink their sodas and Fibber gives out a loud belch]''

== ''Tank (Experiment 586)'' [1.15] ==

:''[Note: [[w:Weird Al Yankovic|Weird Al Yankovic]] made a special guest role as a singing minstrel]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:'''Driver''': I tell you, bra, I'm giving you the kind deal. They don't 'em like this no more.
:'''Man''': Hmm. You sure the body's in ok shape?
:'''Driver''': You kiddin'? All-metal body, chrome trim. No plastic junk like today.
:''[As the driver washes his car, Experiment 586's pod gets wet and activated]''
:'''Woman''': 'Cause you know, we got a rust problem in Hawaii. This island air eats cars like nothing else in the universe. ''[Experiment 586 starts eating the car, leaving only the rubber tires]'' Except maybe him.
:''[Experiment 586 grows a little bigger, roars, and runs away, laughing]''
:'''Man''': Sorry, bra. Deal's off.
:'''625''': Hey, Gantu, ever thought about growing a goatee?
:'''Gantu''': No!
:'''625''': I'm serious. Because with your bone structure, it would look very spiffy.
:'''Gantu''': Really?
:'''625''': Sure. May I? ''[grabs a pencil and draws a mustache and goatee on Gantu's face]'' There. See? ''[holds up a mirror]''
:'''Gantu''': Not funny!
:'''625''': What? I think it looks nice. Helps disguise a few of those chins! ''[laughs]''
:'''Computer''': Warning. Experiment 586 activated.
:'''Gantu''': &quot;Primary function: metal consumption. Experiment grows exponentially larger with everything it eats.&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Mertle and the girls are calling for a radio contest to win tickets to an Elizabethan festival]''
:'''Mertle''': Come on, come on!
:'''Host''': ''Congratulations, Caller 12!''
:'''Mertle''': What?! Already!
:'''Lilo''': I won?!
:''[the girls turn to see that Lilo was the lucky caller via payphone]''
:'''Host''': ''Yes! You and a group of your closest friends and adult guardians are going to the Elizabethan festival!''
:'''Mertle''': I don't believe it!
:'''Lilo''': I won the contest for you. Now we can all go to the festival.
:'''Mertle''': Nu-uh! We have somewhere better to be. Right, girls?
:'''Yuki''': Well... not really.
:'''Teresa''': According to their homepage, the festival is way cool!
:'''Elena''': Plus, we're sick of playing dolls!
:'''Lilo''': Really?
:'''Mertle''': Fine, if you wanna go with the freak, then go! I'm staying here!
:''[pause]''
:'''Yuki, Teresa, and Elena''': Okay! ''[they leave with Lilo and Stitch]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Pleakley is getting his costume ready for the festival]''
:'''Pleakley''': I'm so excited! My first festival dedicated to primitive Earth history! Are you dressed yet?
:'''Jumba''': ''[dressed as [[w:King Henry VIII|King Henry VIII]]]'' Dressed, yes. Happy, no!
:'''Pleakley''': Cheer up. Henry VIII was a powerful ruler, even though he had a nasty habit of having his wives beheaded!
:'''Jumba''': I am liking this Henry person! ''[laughs]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Stitch, angered that he's not allowed to go to the festival, sees Mertle and pounces on her]''
:'''Mertle''': What's the matter? Upset that your friend dumped you?
:'''Stitch''': ''[releases Mertle]'' Amagata!
:'''Mertle''': Face it. You know she'd trade up someday.
:'''Stitch''': Kachuga naga!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Since Lilo is too busy with the girls, Stitch reluctantly takes Mertle to find Experiment 586, who has grown huge due to all the metal it has eaten]''
:'''Mertle''': We're not here because of that thing, are we?
:'''Stitch''': Ih!
:'''Mertle''': I don't like this anymore. Take me home!
:''[Stitch leaps out of the buggy]''
:'''Mertle''': Hey, come back!
:''[Stitch throws a mailbox into 586's face, but it does not hurt it]''
:'''Stitch''': Kachumba! 
:''[586 kicks Stitch to the hood of the buggy]''
:'''Mertle''': I'm never gonna get home with ''you'' in charge!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Tank rampages through the festival, with Gantu's ship in hot pursuit]''
:'''Yuki''': Where should we hide?!
:'''Elena''': I say we hide in the blacksmith's!
:'''Teresa''': No, the dueling buckets booth!
:'''Lilo''': We don't hide. That ship is trying to catch the experiment, but we have to beat him to it! 
:'''Yuki''': But why?
:'''Lilo''': 'Cause we're the good guys, and the good guys don't chicken out just 'cause the bad guy has a gigantic spaceship with advanced alien technology.
:'''Elena''': Mertle was right: You really ''are'' weird.
:'''Yuki and Teresa''': ''YYEEEEEAAAAHHHH!!''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Gantu holds Stitch and Mertle hostage after accidentally capturing them]''
:'''625''': I swear something's different about you. No shoes? Wait, I got it! Perm and red highlights!
:'''Mertle''': Hey, that was pretty funny what you did that tubby guy. You know, the face.
:'''625''': Really? You think so?
:'''Mertle''': Oh, yeah! I ''know'' how be mean to people. What you did, it was special.
:'''625''': I'm glad you said that, 'cause I was afraid I wasn't pushing the envelope. Y'know? Thinking outside the box. 
:'''Mertle''': I hear ya.
:'''625''': Hey, I got a prank I'm working on right now. You wanna take a look? I mean, if you got time.
:'''Mertle''': I got nothing but time!
:'''625''': ''[chuckles]'' Oh, right. It's in the other room. ''[presses a button, releasing Mertle]'' I call it &quot;Ants in Gantu's Pants&quot;. That's figurative, by the way...
:''[Mertle grabs 625 and traps him in her own containment chamber]''
:'''Mertle''': That was so easy, it was sad. ''[releases Stitch]'' Come on. Let's get outta here.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Gantu departs with Tank. Stitch prepares to go after them.]''
:'''Lilo''': ''[calls out to Stitch before he can go after Gantu and Tank, prompting Stitch to turn to her]'' ''[to Stitch]'' Wait! Stitch, it's okay. I let the experiment go.
:'''Stitch''': ''[surprised]'' Huh?
:'''Lilo''': I'd rather lose that experiment than lose my best friend. Stitch... I'm really sorry I didn't treat you right. I got carried away 'cause I wanted the girls to like me... but that's no excuse for neglecting you.
:'''Stitch''': ''[embraces Lilo]'' ''[accepting]'' It's okay.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Lilo apologizes to Stitch for not treating him right and Stitch accepts her apology and forgives her; Mertle watches the whole thing from a pole]''
:'''Elena''': Mertle?
:'''Mertle''': ''[slides down]'' My friends! You've come back!
:'''Elena''': Here's the thing: we tried going with Lilo, and didn't exactly work out. So...
:'''Teresa''': We were thinking of going back to you, but only if we do something besides play dolls all the time.
:'''Mertle''': Oh, really? And what makes you think I would even take you back? I had a lot of fun without you. I chased a monster, then I got sucked into a gigantic spaceship, then...
:'''Yuki''': Maybe this was a bad idea.
:'''Teresa''': Yeah! Being alone has made her weird.
:'''Mertle''': Uh, just kidding! So, let's just be friends again. ''[the three girls continue glaring at Mertle; defeated]'' And play less dolls.

== ''Sprout (Experiment 509)'' [1.16] ==

:''[Lilo finds an experiment pod on the floor in the post office while dropping off a letter to her pen-pal]''
:'''Lilo''': Look what I found. It was right there on the floor. It must have been in somebody's mail. Experiment 509.
:'''Jumba''': Hmmm... 509. Agricultural experiment. 
:'''Lilo''': It's a plant?
:'''Jumba''': Experiment. Designs to be violent and indestructible. Looks like harmless plant one moment, but suddenly rises up like savage beast and attacks!
:'''Lilo''': Let's activate it, so we can find its one true place.
:'''Jumba''': ''[snatches the pod from Lilo]'' No, no, no! Too risky.
:'''Lilo''': But we could make friends with it, and then it won't attack.
:'''Jumba''': You're wanting to make friends with a plant? ''[laughs]'' Oh, is very compassionate, also silly! ''[puts the pod in a drawer and locks it]'' No. Impossible to activate without causing extreme destruction. Of course, is fun for me, but for planet's sake, I'm putting away, permanently.
:'''Lilo''': But--
:'''Jumba''': End of discussion! Not looking so sad. Hundreds of experiments left on the loose, wreaking havoc on island. Make friends with ''those''. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Mertle challenges Lilo to compete against her in the orchid growing contest in the Kokaua Town Fair while Stitch trains himself to enter the rodeo; Pleakley is using a jackhammer to sew seeds into his garden]''
:'''Lilo''': Pleakley, can you help me grow an orchid for the town fair?
:'''Pleakley''': Town fair? What town fair?
:'''Lilo''': Kokaua Town Fair. They have rides and food and competitions for stuff like flowers.
:'''Pleakley''': What about pineapples?
:'''Lilo''': There's a homegrown fruits and vegetables competition.
:'''Pleakley''': Homegrown fruits?! I could enter... my Pinormous! ''[gestures to his gigantic pineapple plant]'' Pinarmous will revolutionize Hawaii's pineapple industry. And then... IT WILL REVOLUTIONIZE THE WORLD!!! 
:'''Jumba''': ''[chuckles]'' You are starting to sound like evil genius.
:'''Pleakley''': Maybe, but... I'm be an evil genius for good!
:'''Jumba''': Always it starts that way. Here is evil genius fertilizer you are requesting.
:'''Lilo''': What about my orchid?!
:'''Pleakley''': Sorry, Lilo. I can't waste my precious time on something as renowned as an orchid. My Pinormous needs me, and the world needs my Pinormous! ''[notices some bamboo shoots growing]'' AAH!! My personal Eden is being invaded by bamboo runners! 
:'''Lilo''': Runners?
:'''Pleakley''': Underground roots spreading their grasping, choking evil from the mother plant. Couldn't you ever plant this to contain the roots so it won't keep spreading? So inconsiderate!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Lilo goes to the rental hut to ask Nani to help her grow an orchid]''
:'''Nani''': I'm sorry, Lilo, but I don't have time to help you with the fair. I'm working.
:'''Lilo''': But I want to enter something.
:'''Diver''': Uh, miss? Do you have another mask? This one doesn't fit quite right.
:'''Nani''': Oh, yes, sir. ''[gives the diver another mask]'' Here you go. ''[to Lilo]'' If you'd told me weeks ago...
:'''Lilo''': BUT I ONLY JUST FOUND OUT TODAY!!
:'''Nani''': Lilo! I have a customer. 
:'''Diver''': Uh, miss? This mask doesn't fit right either.
:'''Nani''': Uh, okay. ''[gives the diver another mask]'' Here. Try this one. 
:''[as the two sisters talk, Stitch, still practicing to be a cowboy, wheres flippers as boots and twirls two snorkels as if they were guns]''
:'''Lilo''': But I gotta enter something! Mertle's entering orchids, Pleakley's entering a huge evil pineapple, Stitch is going to be a cowboy at the rodeo.
:'''Nani''': ''[to Stitch]'' Cowboys where boots, not flippers. ''[to Lilo]'' Look, it takes a long time to grow an orchid. Maybe you could enter next year.
:'''Diver''': Oh, uh, miss? I'm sorry, but this one...
:'''Lilo''': THE MASK DOESN'T FIT BECAUSE '''YOUR HEAD IS SHAPED WEIRD!!!!''' ''[storms out the hut]''
:'''Stitch''': Bachuga! ''[follows Lilo]''
:'''Nani''': ''[chuckles nervously]'' Kids.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Lilo and Stitch go to the fair carrying Sprout on a wagon]''
:'''Zack Makeli''': Howdy, stranger. ''[Stitch glares at him angrily]'' I hear you're the only bullrider in this here competition. ''[Stitch nods]'' You see this? I got five of'em. One for each time I won the rodeo. And I don't expect to lose the sixth time... to a ''stranger''.
:'''Stitch''': Ihkata....
:'''Lilo''': Help me get Sprout in place, then you can kick that cowboy's rear in the rodeo.
:'''Stitch''': ''[reluctantly]'' Bachoo.
:'''Zack Makeli''': ''[laughs]'' Hey, son! A real cowboy don't get told what to do by a little girl!
:''[Stitch grumbles angrily as he takes Sprout to the orchid competition]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Lilo and Stitch retreats to the old water tower after Sprout lands on the ground and grows into a giant plant monster]''
:'''Lilo''': All my fault. Jumba locked the experiment in the drawer because he knew it was dangerous, and I took it anyways just so I could beat Mertle. I messed up everything.
:'''Stitch''': Ih.
:'''Lilo''': You could at least ''pretend'' that I didn't mess up so bad, just to make me feel better.
:'''Stitch''': I cannot.
:'''Lilo''': Ugh! Fine!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Nani watches the news]''
:'''Reporter''': We're here at the Kokaua Town Fair, where apparently, a giant orchid has burst out of its potted plant, causing pandemonium.
:'''Nani''': ''[shocked and angry]'' ''JUMBA!!''
:'''Jumba''': What?! What is emergency?!
:'''Nani''': What do you know about ''that?!'' ''[points to the TV]''
:'''Reporter''': I've never seen anything like this! It's as if alien plants have taken over the fair! James, are you getting this?! Oh, no! ''[screams]''
:'''Jumba''': Is 509... but looks much heavier on television. Little girl has been breaking big rules!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;

:''[Stitch manages to pull Sprout from the ground and puts him in the water tower, where he's now in his one true place]''
:'''Lilo''': I don't know if it's his one true place, but that's the only place I think Sprout could go.
:'''Stitch''': Oh, ih.
:'''Orchid Judge 1''': Would you look at that?!
:'''Orchid Judge 2''': Wasn't that one of the entries in the orchid category.
:'''Orchid Judge 3''': Why, yes! Yes, it was! I think we've found our blue ribbon! ''[hands the blue ribbon to Lilo]'' Here you go, dear.
:'''Zack Makeli''': Y'know, if hadn't been for that overgrown dandelion, you'd have beat in the rodeo.
:'''Stitch''': Oh!
:'''Zack Makeli''': No, no, sir. You would've. I gotta admit it, 'cause a real cowboy either wins fair and square, or he loses fair and square, partner. ''[hands Stitch the rodeo belt]''
:'''Stitch''': Oh, chochamba.
:'''Lilo''': ''[remembers the fact that she cheated and gives the ribbon to Mertle]'' Here. 
:'''Mertle''': Is this a trick?
:'''Lilo''': No. You won it fair and square, and I didn't. My Pully Cove is yours for a whole week.
:'''Mertle''': Really?!
:'''Lilo''': Yeah.
:'''Mertle''': Hey! We can go to my Pully Cove without the weirdo for a whole week! ''[she and the girls cheer and leave]''
:'''Lilo''': A real cowboy knows how to lose, fair and square.
:'''Nani''': Lilo! Oh, Lilo, are you okay?
:'''Lilo''': I'm okay. Am I grounded?
:'''Nani''': What do you think?
:'''Lilo''': I guess a month would be fair.
:'''Nani''': How about a week?
:'''Pleakley''': ''[shocked and upset that his pineapple was destroyed by Sprout]'' My beautiful Pinormous! Innocence! Lost!
:'''Nani''': If we start planting for next year, I bet we could grow orchids that would kick Mertle's orcids' butt!
:'''Lilo''': Wow! I didn't even know orchids have butts.
:'''Stitch''': Oh! Yippee-Ki-Yay!

== ''Elastico (Experiment 345)'' [1.17] ==
:''[Stitch waits for Lilo outside her hula class]''
:'''Moses''': Last rehearsal is tomorrow morning. Everybody practice tonight.
:'''Mertle''': I don't need to practice. My hula story is already perfect. I call it &quot;A Day in the Life of Mertle Edmonds.&quot; I thought it would be nice to share what it's like to be me. What's ''yours'' about this year, Weirdlo? Zombies again? ''[she and the other girls laugh; Stitch growls angrily at Mertle, but Lilo calms him down]''
:'''Lilo''': Not zombies, ''mummies''! Big difference. But no, I have created an all new hula dance. 
:'''Mertle''': Let me guess: It's about something gross?
:'''Lilo''': It's about a squid! 
:'''Mertle''': Mmm-hmm. Gross! We'll be sure to miss it.
:'''Yuki, Teresa and Elena''': ''YYEEEEEAAAAAAHH!!''
:''[as the hula girls laugh; Lilo and Stitch storm back home]''
:'''Lilo''': I'm gonna practice, alright. Until I'm better than perfect.
:'''Stitch''': Yeah! Ih!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[625 is making sandwiches while using pages of newspaper as sandwich wrappers]''
:'''625''': ''Aloha Oe... Salami and rye...'' ''[humming]''
:'''Gantu''': 625, have you seen the entertainment section?
:'''625''': Uh... no?
:'''Gantu''': ''[grabs the entertainment section]'' How many times have I told you not to use the papers as sandwich wrappers?! ''[looks at the Great Elastico ad]'' Hey... That looks like... An experiment!
:'''625''': Yeah, it's the clownish experiment how delights everyone with his comic antics. 
:'''Gantu''': How would ''you'' know?!
:'''625''': Duh! You're computer announced that experiment's activation like 2 weeks ago. &quot;Primary function: Distraction of hostile forces.&quot; Alright?
:'''Gantu''': You couldn't jot down a message?! Well, I guess I'm going to the circus!
:'''625''': Great. Have some cotton candy for me, would ya? Oh, listen, can I have my wrapper back?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after Lilo scolds Stitch for distracting her during practice, Stitch sneaks into the circus to get a closer look at his cousin Elastico; the ringmaster admires Stitch's agility and indestructibility while trying to capture Elastico and pulls Stitch into the center ring]''
:'''Ringmaster''': Ladies and gentlemen, let us hear it for our surprise circus guest: the Marvelous, the Magnificent, ehh....
:'''Stitch''': Uh, Stitch?
:'''Ringmaster''': Oh, no, no, no! This will never do! You need a name which more accurately reflects your indestructible resplendency. Ladies and gentlemen, meet the Incredible Indestructerado!
:'''Stitch''': Wow! ''[takes a bow]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after Gantu captures Elastico, the circus ringmaster decides to use Stitch as his replacement]''
:'''Ringmaster''': Amigos, I like to present to you our newest sensation: The Incredible Indestructerado!
:'''Stitch''': H-h-hiiiii.
:'''Tiger Tamer''': He is no Elastico!
:''[a tiger roars at Stitch, but Stitch frightens it with a louder roar]''
:'''Wolfman''': He looks so weird.
:'''Russian Contortionist''': Da, Wolfman! He is very odd-looking creature. He fits right in, no?
:''[Gus the Clown honks his horn a few times]''
:'''Acrobat''': That's Gus talk for &quot;Welcome to our family, Indestructerado.&quot;
:''[Stitch smiles happily]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu thinks he has transported Elastico to Hämsterviel, but Elastico escaped the transporter without him knowing]''
:'''Hämsterviel''': Gantu! Sleeping on the job?
:'''Gantu''': No, sir!
:'''Hämsterviel''': You think you're so funny with your pranky little pranks!
:'''Gantu''': Uh, pranks, sir?
:'''Hämsterviel''': ''[lifts up an empty shackle]'' Sending me nothing but shackles?! ''WHERE IS MY EXPERIMENT?!?''
:''[Gantu is shocked and embarrassed]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch gets ready for the grand finale before he leaves Kauai until Lilo comes in backstage]''
:'''Lilo''': Stitch? Is that you?
:'''Stitch''': Lilo? ''[suddenly remembers how she treated him and pouts]''
:'''Lilo''': I know you're mad at me, 'cause I was too busy with my show to pay attention to you. You aren't really going to Vegas, are you? You'll never see your ohana again.
:'''Stitch''': Circus means family, and family means &quot;Stitch does not get left behind&quot;!
:'''Lilo''': I never meant to leave you behind.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch have defeated Gantu with help from Elastico and the circus group]''
:'''Stitch''': ''[picks up Lilo's broken seashell necklace]'' Uh, isa brokuba.
:'''Lilo''': It's okay. I can always make another one. 
:'''Stitch''': Yeah?
:'''Lilo''': I should never have ignored you because of my dumb old hula dance. Being there for you and helping you find your cousins is so much more important.
:'''Ringmaster''': Well, Indestructerado, we must leave for Las Vegas. It is time to say your goodbyes.
:'''Stitch''': Ah, oh, um...
:'''Ringmaster''': Unless you have reconsidered joining our family.
:'''Stitch''': But... contract.
:'''Ringmaster''': Ah, yes. You signed the contract. ''[produces the contract from his hand]'' This contract was written in the name of Indestructerado, but you signed the name... Stitch. Oh, this contract is numb and void! ''[the contract disappears]'' Que payna! Go, be with your ''real'' family. ''[he and Elastico hug Stitch]''
:'''Stitch''': Goodbye. ''[he and Lilo leaves]''
:'''Wolfman''': We'll never forget you, Indestructerado.

== ''Yaarp (Experiment 613)'' [1.18] ==
:''[Lilo gives her presentation on her idea to improve the hula school; Stitch pantomimes while she does this]''
:'''Lilo''': Ahem. Aliens are not folktales. They are real! And they can be deadly. Aliens are very sneaky. They can be 20 feet tall and look like a whale. ''[Stitch bends his ears to look like Gantu]'' Or they can disguise themselves as your very own uncle. ''[Stitch imitates Jumba's laugh]'' Or your very own aunt. ''[Stitch waves his arms wildly like Pleakley]'' They shoot laser beams and they can even rampage through a city. ''[Stitch rampages through a city made of fruit]'' Destroying everything in sight. They can strike ''anywhere'' at ''anytime''. Including.... HERE!!
:'''Stitch''': Dum-dum-DAAAA!!!!
:'''Teresa''': Is she serious?
:'''Yuki''': Aliens?
:'''Mertle''': That dog is so ugly!
:'''Moses''': Lilo...
:'''Lilo''': The Kia Luhale is a happy place. ''[Stitch holds up Scrump]'' But only because we are blissfully ignorant of the alien scourge that threatens to enslave all of humanity. ''[Stitch throws Scrump on the ground and chews on her]'' Ending us to its twisting will, and making us eat limes!
:'''Moses''': Lilo! What is your idea to improve Kia Luhale?
:'''Lilo''': I think we need to install an alien invasion alarm, for the good of all humankind.
:'''Stitch''': Bark!
:'''Lilo''': Oh, and any friendly aliens who may or may not be living here disguised as my dog. ''[she and Stitch take a bow]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch was knocked into a big bookshelf after being hit by 613's sonic blasts]''
:'''Lilo''': Let's go, Stitch! They're getting away! ''[Stitch is deaf from the blast and can't hear Lilo]'' What's wrong, Stitch?
:'''Stitch''': Jaba?
:'''Lilo''': ''[loudly]'' CAN YOU HEAR ME?!
:'''Stitch''': Naga. Naga sonika.
:'''Lilo''': His hearing's broken! 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Jumba inspects Stitch's ears]''
:'''Jumba''': This is work of Experiment 613. Was first attempt to wreak havoc with high-decibel sonic disturbance, resonate compression, and osculating vibrational distortion. Simple to say, he makes loud noises.
:'''Lilo''': Gotcha.
:'''Jumba''': Sonic blast can shatter windows, flatten buildings, and cause acute loss of hearing.
:'''Stitch''': Gaba?
:'''Jumba''': Acute loss of hearing!
:'''Stitch''': Gaba?
:'''Jumba''': ''[puts a conch shell in Stitch's ear]'' '''ACUTE LOSS OF HEARING!!'''
:'''Stitch''': Ah! Odhigi noeeba!
:'''Lilo''': Jumba, there's nothing cute about hearing loss.
:'''Jumba''': Is correct. Fortunately, in 626's case, is only temporary.
:'''Lilo''': Good! We can catch 613 and still be home in time to write that letter to the mayor before dinner. Come on, Stitch.
:'''Jumba''': No, no, no! 626's super hearing makes him super sensitive to super sonic attack. He cannot be going.
:'''Lilo''': Can't you make him something like those earmuffs Gantu was wearing?
:'''Jumba''': Of course! Can have ready by next Tuesday.
:'''Lilo''': Tuesday?!
:'''Jumba''': Monday is federal holiday.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Pleakley is sent to capture Yaarp with a vacuum since he has no ears]''
:'''Pleakley''': Trigger to fire. Backup for safety. ''[a flash of light startles him]'' '''WHOOOAAAAH!!!''' ''[blindly sucks up a couple's clothes]''
:'''Charles''': Can we please have our clothes back?
:'''Mary''': We're on our honeymoon.
:'''Pleakley''': Oh. Congratulations! ''[shoots the clothes back to the couple]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu captures Stitch and agrees to set him free in exchange for Yaarp; Lilo meets Gantu in the natural history museum]''
:'''Gantu''': Earth girl.
:'''Lilo''': Big dummy. ''[opens up the cage, releasing Yaarp]''
:'''Gantu''': ''[puts on his earmuffs]'' Foolish Earth forms! Why haven't you soundproofed him?!
:'''Lilo''': Because we're plotting to rescue Stitch.
:'''Gantu''': Say again?
:'''Lilo''': 'CAUSE WE'VE TRAINED HIM TO OBEY HIS MASTER!
:'''Gantu''': Ah, well, I suppose that will save Hämsterviel the trouble. Now hand him over.
:'''Lilo''': Hold it! Where's Stitch?
:''[Gantu pulls Stitch from his armpit]''
:'''Stitch''': ''[coughs]'' Spubata! Ranka patookie!
:'''Lilo''': Okay...
:''[Yaarp comes to Gantu; Gantu kicks Stitch toward Lilo]''
:'''Gantu''': See how easy this can be? Aloyha, losers!
:''[Lilo winks to Stitch and whistles; Yaarp lets out a large sonic blast, startling Gantu]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[thanks to Yaarp's sonic blast, the museum's security surround Gantu, but Gantu escapes]''
:'''Mayor''': Did you get a good look at him Nicolé?
:'''Nicolé''': Yes, sir. He looked like... a whale, sir. I'm afraid he got away.
:'''Mayor''': Huh. My city is being bullied by a rampaging whale?
:'''Lilo''': Excuse me. Did you say ''your'' city?
:'''Mayor''': Yes, I did. Mayor Anolo. Who are you?
:'''Nicolé''': She's the one that tripped the alarm.
:'''Lilo''': My name's Lilo, and I didn't trip the alarm. It was my pet large-horned wild pig.
:'''Mayor''': Your pig tripped the alarm.
:'''Lilo''': No! He ''is'' the alarm.
:'''Mayor''': That's a pretty big voice for such a little fella.
:''[Yaarp lets out a happy honk]''
:'''Mayor''': Well, thanks for your help, Lilo.
:''[Stitch uncrumples Lilo's letter to the Mayor and gives to her]''
:'''Stitch''': Small person, big voice.
:'''Lilo''': Mr. Mayor!
:'''Mayor''': Yes?
:'''Lilo''': I thought you should know that the &quot;whale&quot; isn't really a whale.
:'''Mayor''': It's not?
:'''Lilo''': Nope. Actually, he's a space alien.
:'''Mayor''': Well, thank goodness. I'd have a hard time explaining a rampaging whale to the city counsel.
:'''Lilo''': It's occurred to me that some of the city's most important buildings might benefit from having alien invasion alarms installed.
:'''Mayor''': ''[laughs]'' An alien invasion alarm system? Well, that's the most ridi--
:'''Mary''': Are you the mayor of this city?
:'''Mayor''': That's right. What can I do for you?
:'''Mary''': We just wanted you to know that you ruined our honeymoon!
:'''Charles''': Your city is crawling with weird creatures! ''[shows the mayor pictures of Yaarp, Gantu, and Pleakley]''
:'''Mary''': We're leaving for the mainland immediately, and we are never coming back! Good day!
:'''Lilo''': In the interest of continued tourism, you might like to read this. ''[hands the mayor her letter]''

== ''Experiment 627'' [1.19: Thanksgiving Special] ==
:''[Note: The episode title is just ''627'']''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch has captured and reformed 515 (a.k.a. Deforestator) in less than 2 minutes, making him and Lilo overly proud of himself]''
:'''Lilo''': Give it up for the greatest, the bestest, the baddest, the King of Kokaua Town: Stitch! ''[takes a picture of a sunglasses-clad Stitch]''
:'''Pleakley''': Finally! I was getting worried! 
:'''Lilo''': You should never worry. Not when I have Stitch with me to kick butt!
:'''Pleakley''': Lilo! Such language was outlawed by the Balorian Universal Talking Treaty and your big sister, who had to work late. Now, will you assist me setting out the Thanksgiving dinner?
:'''Lilo''': Thanksgiving? Again?
:'''Pleakley''': It is once a month, right?
:'''Lilo''': Is there pumpkin pie?
:'''Pleakley''': Of course!
:'''Lilo''': Yep. Once a month. Help set the table, Stitch?
:''[Stitch pushes an easy chair to the table]''
:'''Lilo''': Okay. You did earn your keep pretty good today.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Jumba enraged at how Stitch has acted bossy during dinner, creates a new experiment and activates it in front of Pleakley]''
:'''Jumba''': Allow me to be introducing Experiment 627!
:'''627''': '''EVIL!!!'''
:'''Jumba''': Has all strengths of 626, none of weaknesses. Does not sink in water, available in tasteful Earth-tone colors, and absolutely, positively, cannot be turned to good.
:'''627''': Evil, evil, evil!
:'''Pleakley''': Why would you make such an awful, snarling, clawing, growling little monster who can only say...
:'''627''': Evil!
:'''Jumba''': Ah, 626 needed a reality check. Besides, have plans lying around. You know, evil genius, use it or lose it.
:'''Pleakley''': This is completely against galactic regulations, and all good said, I'm going to--
:'''Jumba''': ''[grabs Pleakley]'' I have ''other'' old plans. Like maybe for experiment with giant finger for poking ''someone's giant eye!''
:'''Pleakley''': Well, maybe the others don't need to know just yet. As long as it doesn't do anything...
:'''627''': Evil!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[625 comes across 627 and brings him to Gantu]''
:'''625''': So just as I was talking about what a doorknob you are, this experiment fell into my lap. Sure was easy to catch him! Anyway, I just he'd be a good sidekick for you to chase experiments with, then ''both'' you knuckleheads can get creamed by the little girl and 626. Meanwhile, ''I'' can stay home and do what I do best.
:''[625 lays down on the couch until 627 blasts him with a laser beam]''
:'''625''': Nothing...
:'''Gantu''': You've got something I need: power! This could be the start of a beautiful relationship. ''[chuckles evilly]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch has been defeated by 627]''
:'''Lilo''': It was incredible! Like nothing we've seen! It was even tougher than Stitch!
:'''Stitch''': Aketaba!
:'''Jumba''': So, 626 thinks severe pounding was one-time-only fluke, eh? ''[chuckles]''
:'''Lilo''': Well, I don't. And which over experiment it is, we got to figure out how beat it.
:'''Pleakley''': I see you're searching Jumba's database of ''old'' experiments. I wonder if he has a file of more ''recent'' experiments, made as ''recently'' as, say, ''yesterday!''
:'''Jumba''': You mean like experiment made to ''poke people in eyeball?!''
:'''Stitch''': Huh?
:''[Lilo, Stitch, and Pleakley stare at Jumba suspiciously]''
:'''Jumba''': If creature you are looking for is as amazing as you say should be studied for science. ''[Pleakley points to Jumba while holding a screwdriver]'' Preserved in museum and... ''[notices Pleakley]'' Is one-eyed bigmouth trying to tell you something?
:'''Lilo''': Something about you having a screw loose.
:'''Jumba''': ''[grabs Pleakley]'' Ah, my silly friend! He is one with screw loose if he thinks I will let him tell you that I built 627! ''[stops as he realized what he just said; Lilo and Stitch gasp]'' Oh, I am very busted now!
:'''Lilo''': '''627?!''' You... made... &lt;big&gt; A '''627?!?'''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Pleakley''': Ha! Who's afraid of the finger now, big boy?! WHO'S AFRAID '''NOW?!'''
:'''Jumba''': I-I-I confess! I confess. But now you see scientific achievement! You know that 627 is even better than 626.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[625 calls Lilo after finding out 627's weakness]''
:'''Lilo''': Hello?
:'''625''': Listen, it's me: Gantu's... ex-sidekick guy.
:'''Lilo''': Sandwich boy?! Why are ''you'' calling?
:'''625''': Because I can help you beat Experiment 627.
:'''Lilo''': It's a trick, right? Why would ''you'' wanna go against Gantu?
:'''625''': Trust me. ''[627 kicks him]'' Ow! I have my reasons! That hurt!
:'''Lilo''': Uh-huh. Really... Okay, you got a deal!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after Stitch defeated 627 through laughter, he serves the next Thanksgiving dinner]''
:'''Lilo''': I'm proud of you, Stitch, for being self-cool and humble.
:'''Stitch''': Oh. 
:'''Pleakley''': And I hope Jumba has learned his lesson about making those silly evil genius experiments. We oughta to make him do the dishes!
:'''Lilo''': Yeah! Hey, where ''is'' Jumba?
:''[scene changes to Jumba in his ship, putting 627's pod back in his safe]''
:'''Jumba''': So much for Experiment 627. Perhaps I'll have better luck next time.
:''[places a pod marked 628 in his safe]''

== ''The Asteroid'' [1.20] ==
:''[Note: There are no new experiments in this episode]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo, Stitch and the hula girls are visiting the planetarium]'''
:'''All Girls''': WOW!
:'''Elena''': We're up so high, I bet we're in space already.
:'''Lilo''': This is almost as cool as the ''real'' outer space.
:'''Teresa''': Stop saying you've been to outer space, Lilo.
:'''Mertle''': Real astronauts have spacesuits. You don't got a spacesuit.
:'''Yuki, Teresa, and Elena''': ''YYEEEEEAAAAAHHH!!''
:'''Mertle''': The only place you've been is Planet Weirdo!
:'''Lilo''': But it's true! Me and Stitch-- ''[realizes Stitch is gone]'' Stitch? ''[Stitch is swinging on a planet model]'' Stitch!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch learn from eavesdropping on Cobra Bubbles that an asteroid is going to smash into Earth; Lilo sends flyers to everyone to evacuate via Jumba's ship while Stitch informs his cousins; unfortunately, none of humans believe them and don't come]''
:'''Lilo''': They're probably all just having trouble parking.
:'''Stitch''': Ih! Hamcha!
:'''Lilo''': ''[looks up in the night sky]'' I hope our new planet has this many stars, and I hope it has a beach with perfect waves, and friends, and shave ice, and fish that eat peanut butter sandwiches. ''[sighs]'' Sure would be better if we could just stay home. They're not coming, are they.
:'''Stitch''': Naga.
:'''Lilo''': Well, at least your cousins showed. How many are in there?
:'''Stitch''': ''[counts the experiments on the ship]'' Kicha!
:'''Lilo''': Only six? No one believes us.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch gets an idea to get Digger and Richter to go on the asteroid and destroy it, saving Earth]''
:'''Jumba''': Crazy idea. 
:'''Lilo''': So crazy that it might actually work, right?
:'''Jumba''': No. Just crazy.
:'''Nani''': Lilo, what's going on here?
:'''Lilo''': I told you. There's an asteroid heading towards Earth. We were going to evacuate everyone, but I think we'll go on a secret mission to destroy the asteroid instead.
:'''Nani''': Lilo, there hasn't been anything on the news about this. Anyone who'd believe you would have to be completely lolo!
:'''Surfer''': Yo, dudes! Hey, sorry I'm late. Just stopped for a pepperoni slice. ''[walks into Jumba's ship]''
:'''Lilo''': See? It's true! Ask Cobra Bubbles. He knows!
:'''Nani''': Okay! I'll call him. Nobody makes one single move until I get back! ''[leaves]''
:'''Lilo''': Let's go.
:''[Lilo, Stitch, and Jumba run into the ship]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[as Jumba's ship heads towards the asteroid, Stitch's cousins begin to cause havoc; Sparky zaps Hammerface in the rear end, Digger digs into his seat, Kixx kicks the back of Spooky's seat, and Spooky retaliates by frightening him with a scary face]''
:'''Lilo''': They seem a little restless. 
:'''Surfer''': You said there'd be peanuts!
:'''Lilo''': They need peanuts, and sodas, and swizzle sticks.
:'''Pleakley''': Uh-uh! I'm not going anywhere near those little monsters! ''You'' go!
:'''Lilo''': But I'm too little to fit into the stewardess outfit.
:''[scene changes to Pleakley in the stewardess outfit pushing a cart of consessions]''
:'''Pleakley''': Soda! Peanuts! ''[Kixx reaches his hand to grab a soda, but Pleakley slaps him]'' Don't be grabby! There's enough for everyone!
:''[Kixx, impatient, spins wildy, knocking Pleakley out, and he grabs a bag of peanuts]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo learns that the asteroid is home to a small crabby alien]''
:'''Lilo''': We can't blow up this asteroid!
:'''Jumba''': Excusing me?! But is your idea!
:'''Lilo''': This is that crabby guy's home, and he loves it. Just like we love the Earth. We can't destroy it.
:'''Jumba''': Can't destroy Earth, can't destroy asteroid... Wait... HA! I am more genius! I am having a theory. If Jumba designed hyperdrive to move ship millions of miles to Kweltiquan, it can perhaps move asteroid off course with Earth.
:'''Lilo''':  You mean, we can save Earth ''and'' the asteroid? ''[Jumba winks at her]'' Way to go, Jumba! You're hardly evil at all!
:'''Pleakley''': But... if we put the hyperdrive on the asteroid, we won't be able to cross the vast distances involved in interstellar travel. You and I might never be able to return to our home planets!
:'''Jumba''': We have home planet, with little girl, and bigger girl, on Earth.
:'''Pleakley''': Okay, you got me... you big jerk!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after the gang succeed in moving the asteroid off course by inserting the hyperdrive in it, they return home]''
:'''Cobra Bubbles''': I speak not only for myself, but for everyone on Earth when I say thank you for saving our collective posterior.
:'''Lilo''': So... Where's the plaque? The commendation from the president? The key to the Earth?
:'''Cobra Bubbles''': The government prefers to take the stance that the threat of annihilation never actually existed. But I did manage to swing this. ''[hands Lilo a document]''
:'''Lilo''': &quot;This document officially states that Lilo and Stitch are honorary agents in the Earth Defense Agency, Under 12 and Illegal Experiment division.&quot; Cool! I bet not even Elvis got one of these.

== ''Topper (Experiment 025)'' [1.21: Christmas Special] ==
:''[Lilo and Stitch sneak into the attic to find where Nani hid there Christmas presents]''
:'''Lilo''': Every year, Nani hides our Christmas presents. It's my job as a little sister to find them. It's another Hawaiian Christmas tradition. ''[Lilo opens a chest to find the presents]'' She's so predictable. This is where she hid them last year.
:'''Stitch''': ''[reaches and grabs a present from the chest]'' Oooh. Present.
:'''Lilo''': No! ''[takes the present]'' You can't open it! You never a open presents before Christmas! That's the rule. But... you can shake them to figure out what they are. ''[shakes the present]'' Maybe it's the shrunken head I keep asking for. I tried making my own, but Mertle wouldn't hold still. 
:'''Stitch''': ''[grabs the whole stack of presents]'' Abataka! 
:'''Lilo''': No! You can't have all those!
:'''Stitch''': No, no, no!
:'''Lilo''': Christmas isn't just about getting presents! ''[Stitch puts the presents back]'' It's okay to like the presents. Just don't ''act'' like you like them. That's what I do.
:''[they suddenly hear Jumba and Pleakley singing Jingle Bells off-key]''
:'''Lilo''': Sounds like something's attacking Jumba and Pleakley.
:''[she suddenly notices Stitch hiding a present in his mouth; Lilo glares at him, and he spits it out and puts it back in the chest]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[625 is putting up decorations in Gantu's ship]''
:'''625''': ''On the first day of Christmas, I just made for me.... a saaaaaaaaaandwich'' ''[Gantu gets caught in a decoration]'' Hey, flounder face! We've you been? Grab a holiday hoagie and enjoy the party!
:'''Gantu''': You can waste your time with this ridiculous Earth custom if you want, but for once, I have the upper hand. Hämsterviel's been on the rampage lately, but this should please him. ''[pulls out an experiment pod]'' I've obtained a dormant experiment pod.
:'''625''': Now just ho-ho-hold on a minute there, tuna toes! You're not just gonna transport the pod to Hämsterviel, are ya? It's Christmas! Everybody's giving each other gifts.
:'''Gantu''': Perhaps you're right. If I wrap this up in holiday paper with a bow, it might get the little gerbil off my dorsal fin.
:'''625''': Sure! Everyone likes getting presents, even megalomaniacal rodents with delusions of galactic domination.
:'''Gantu''': Hmm.... I should get this wrapped. ''[leaves to get wrapping supplies]''
:'''625''': Oh, hey, hey! If you wanna blend in out there, you better where a red suit and hat! Everyone's wearing 'em!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch has seen the experiment pod 025 being wrapped in a present and mailed into a truck; Stitch goes from door to door taking gifts to see which one of them contains the pod]''
:'''Jumba''': Open up, you greedy little genetic mistake!
:'''Lilo''': What's going on? 
:'''Jumba''': Ah, little girl. 626 has many gifts that he is keeping to himself.
:'''Lilo''': Stitch! What are we gonna do with you? You've torn up half the town, stolen presents, made little kids cry. It's like your the spirit of Christmas ruin.
:'''Jumba''': ''[pulls out his plasma gun]'' I will teach him to share brightly wrapped goodies with evil genius '''WHO CREATED HIM!!!'''
:'''Lilo''': Don't! There's something wrong with Stitch. He needs our help. I know a secret way in.
:''[Lilo and Jumba go through the secret entrance to the attic just as Stitch peaks through the main entrance; Jumba grabs Stitch and an unseen fight occurs]''
:'''Jumba''': Yeah! Got you!
:'''Lilo''': Jumba, look out!
:''[Jumba falls through the main entrance]''
:'''Lilo''': Are you okay?
:'''Jumba''': Ah, I'm okay! I landed on my patookie!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after Lilo and Jumba learns Stitch's true intention for taking the presents, Gantu comes in, disguised as Santa Clause, and tears through the house while giving no attention to Pleakley, who is trying to be a Christmas tree]''
:'''Jumba''': ''[repairing the house]'' Hey, what is wrong? Why the long branches?
:'''Pleakley''': I'm doing my best to represent a coniferous evergreen indicative of the holiday season, but no one seems to care!
:'''Jumba''': Heh. Maybe you need festive parcels.
:'''Pleakley''': What?
:'''Jumba''': Presents for to have underneath you.
:'''Pleakley''': Of course! Presents under the Christmas tree! I've been going about this backwards! Christmas isn't about the tree, it's about the presents under it! 
:'''Jumba''': 626 and little girl are stalking Gantu. They will bring presents.
:'''Pleakley''': No, no, no! I have to get my own! Otherwise, it doesn't really count! Jumba, it's time we took a little trip, to the mall!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Gantu''': ''[gets ready to stomp on Lilo]'' I should have done this a long time ago!
:'''Lilo''': Go ahead! You've already ruined Christmas for everyone!
:'''Gantu''': ''I'' ruined Christmas?! You're the one who took the present I was planning to give to Hämsterviel!
:'''Lilo''': You were going to give Hämsterviel a gift?
:'''Gantu''': Well, yes. Isn't that what your Christmas holiday is all about? Giving presents.
:'''Lilo''': Actually, you're right. 
:'''Stitch''': Ichalagu?
:'''Lilo''': It's not about getting presents. It's about giving.
:'''Little Girl''': Santa? Do ''I'' get a present?
:'''Gantu''': You?! A proto Earth form? Don't be ridiculous! Why would I-- ''[the girl gives him a sad look]'' No! That's not fair! Stop looking at me like that! Seize using your ocular orbs against sympathy! ''[sighs]'' This is an infectious holiday you have on this planet. Perhaps this is a present we could ''all'' enjoy. I can always find something else to send to Hämsterviel. ''[gives the present to the little girl]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo activates 025, now named Topper and places it on top of a Christmas tree as its one true place; not too far from Earth, some aliens notice Topper's flashing]''
:'''Alien 1''': Hey, who turned on the signal beacon?
:'''Alien 2''': Who cares? They got fruitcake down there! Come on, guys!
:''[the aliens cheer as they come towards Earth to join the festivities]''

== ''Melty (Experiment 228)'' [1.22] ==
:''[625 looks up at the containment computer]''
:'''Computer''': Experiment 228 activated. Primary function: liquefaction of enemy fortresses, weaponry, and transportation.
:'''625''': Hey, Gantu! I think there's a melting experiment loose. Bet he'd make a good grilled cheese sandwich, huh? ''[Gantu is fast asleep]'' Hey! Aw, you know, he really is kinda cute when he's beached. I just can't bear to wake him up. ''[puts a blanket over Gantu]'' You just rest.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[the clock strikes noon at the Birds of Paradise hotel; Melty knocks Lilo into a mud puddle and Stitch chases after him; Keoni notices Lilo]''
:'''Keoni''': Lemme give you a hand.
:'''Lilo''': No, I'm okay. I... I meant to do that! 'Cause... I'm practicing for a hula... about a mud monster. ''[nervously dances]''
:'''Keoni''': Okay, see you later. ''[leaves]''
:'''Lilo''': ''[to herself]'' &quot;I'm practicing for a hula about a mud monster&quot;?! What a loser!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch return home with Melty]''
:'''Lilo''': I'm gonna change my identity and move out of town. What do you think of the name Tiffany? With an I.
:'''Stitch''': Eww!
:'''Lilo''': Or I could just go back in time and take a do-over.
:'''Pleakley''': Oh, no, young lady! No time time travel until you clean your room!
:'''Lilo''': Uh, I was kidding.
:'''Pleakley''': Uh, I was afraid you were gonna drag out that old time machine Jumba was working on.
:'''Lilo''': Jumba made a time machine?
:'''Pleakley''': ''[realizes his mistake]'' Did I say time machine? ''[chuckles nervously]'' No, I meant ''rhyme'' machine. Helps you best a funky rhyme! ''[raps]'' ''My name is Pleakley, and I'm all about style! From my dresses, to my curtains, to my bathroom tile!''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch use Jumba's time-traveling surfboard to back to the time when Lilo fell in the mud to do it over; Stitch captures Melty again, but not before Melty destroys the hotel, causing Nani to lose her job]''
:'''Lilo''': We're gonna fix this, and this time, we're gonna have a plan so we can get it right. ''[gestures to a blue shoe Monopoly piece]'' This is you... ''[puts down a red car piece]'' and this is me.
:'''Stitch''': Stitch car!
:'''Lilo''': Fine. ''[swaps the car and the shoe]'' ''You'' be the car.
:'''Stitch''': ''[plays with the car]'' Vroom, vroom!
:'''Lilo''': Stitch, pay attention! We have to get it all perfect this time!
:'''Stitch''': Humph! ''[puts the car back]''
:'''Lilo''': Now, this is you, this is me... ''[puts down an orange game piece]'' and this is the experiment. If the experiment goes inside the hotel again, you don't follow it into the lobby. Instead, you go over the roof, like you did the first time, got it?
:'''Stitch''': Roof! Ih!
:'''Lilo''': Meanwhile, I'll make lady conversation with Keoni.
:'''Stitch''': Ih... huh?
:'''Lilo''': Since we're going back anyways, I figure I could do it even better this time.
:'''Stitch''': Whatever!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after many failed attempts to do it over, Lilo and Stitch decide to travel 5 minutes earlier than usual; however, they find themselves at the front of a prison camp]''
:'''Lilo''': ''[notices the time machine labeled &quot;future&quot;]'' Uh-oh. You turned the dial the wrong way. Instead of going backward, you went forward. ''Way'' forward. We better go back to 12:00.
:'''Stitch''': Uh-huh. ''[sets the time]''
:'''Future Jumba''': ''[wearing tattered clothing and eyepatches]'' Experiment 626, you're alive?!
:'''Stitch''': Eh?! ''[pull the switch and goes back in time with Lilo]''
:'''Future Jumba''': Hmm. Was that ''my'' time-surfing board?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after Lilo and Stitch finally got their method down to perfection, Stitch blows a feather off his arm, causing a coconut to fall of the stand and be hit by a golf club and hit Gantu's ship, waking Gantu]''
:'''Gantu''': What was that?!
:'''625''': Hey, Rip Van Fishhead. You had a good nap?
:'''Gantu''': Wonderful. Anything happen while I was asleep?
:'''625''': Ah, the usual: I made sandwiches, an experiment was activated. Nothing new really.
:'''Gantu''': WHAT?! ''[goes off to capture Melty]''
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Lilo''': Okay, so we go back one more time, and...
:'''Stitch''': ''[points to the time machine]'' Time machine!
:''[The time machine melts]''
:'''Lilo''': Okay, so we melted the time machine, our house is gone, and Gantu took the experiment. But at least Nani kept her job.
:'''Nani''': ''[offscreen]'' Lilo! I just lost my job. ''[realizes the house has melted]'' What happened to the house?!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after the time machine was destroyed by Melty, Future Jumba appears with another]''
:'''Future Jumba''': Little girl, 626, I have arrived to saving your behinds!
:'''Stitch''': Jumba?
:'''Lilo''': You brought us a new time machine!
:'''Future Jumba''': It has taken decades for to realize what happened here so long ago. From the day I showed you my time-surfer, fabric of time was broken. House was melted, our little family broken beyond compare, I lost two of my eyesights, and yech! Don't even ask what happened to Pleakley! It was not until I saw you surfing through time that I was having two and two!
:'''Lilo''': I'm sorry I ruined the future.
:'''Future Jumba''': Little girl, you can fix everything, but only one way: You must go back to beginning and relive it exactly as it originally happened.
:'''Lilo''': You mean, I'll have to humiliate myself in front of Keoni?
:'''Future Jumba''': A broken time strand can only be repaired when relived exactly. But more important, is accepting of your mistake. If you are dwelling in past, you cannot be living in present, and will lose sight of future. Now, get going before something melts this machine, too! ''[laughs]'' Go, go!
:'''Lilo''': Thanks, Jumba! ''[she and Stitch go back in time]''
:'''Future Jumba''': Good luck, little girl!
:''[Present Jumba appears]''
:'''Jumba''': What are you doing here?!
:'''Future Jumba''': I have come to give you warning: Whatever you do, do not build robot wife! Too easy for them to hack into bank account!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after Lilo and Stitch relive the moment exactly as it was the first time, they capture Melty and Lilo learns to do better tomorrow; Gantu wakes up in his ship]''
:'''625''': Hey, sleepyhead. You had a good nap?
:'''Gantu''': Wonderful. Anything happened while I was asleep?
:'''625''': Ah, the usual. I made sandwiches, etched the laser tattograph on your patookie, nothing new, really.
:'''Gantu''': ''You lasered my '''PATOOKIE?!'''''
:'''625''': ''[laughs]'' You are one deep sleeper, my friend. It's actually a wonderful likeness of, uh, ''moi.'' You wanna see?
:'''Gantu''': Wanna see '''''THIS?!''''' ''[shoots his blaster at 625]''

== ''Houdini (Experiment 604)'' [1.23] ==
:''[Stitch does a magic show that does not exactly go as planned]''
:'''Lilo''': ''[whispers to Jumba]'' You can't tell them how bad they are. It might hurt their self-esteem.
:'''Pleakley''': Aside from [[w:Sawing a woman in half|the last trick]] which does need polishing, and the rest of the tricks that need to be completely overhauled, what do you think?
:'''Jumba''': Well, it's completely...
:'''Lilo''': Amazing! Absolutely, completely amazing!
:'''Pleakley''': Good! 'Cause we have our first gig at Mertle's half birthday tomorrow!
:'''Jumba''': &quot;Half birthday&quot;?
:'''Lilo''': She's so spoiled she gets two a year.
:'''Pleakley''': And we wouldn't want to fail there! In front of all your friends. ''[Lilo is shocked and embarrassed by the comment]'' Imagine how embarrassing that'd be!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[625 returns after picking up groceries]''
:'''625''': Hey, Gantu! So, I'm at the galley, getting some from fresh cold-cuts, and guess what I find nestled in with the tomatoes! TADA! ''[holds up an experiment pod marked 611]''
:'''Gantu''': An experiment?! Give me that! ''[swipes the pod from 625 and looks up 611 from the container computer]''
:'''Computer''': Experiment 611. Primary function: ultimate super weapon.
:'''625''': Wow! I found that?! Great! So, can I take early retirement?
:''[Gantu contacts Hämsteviel, who is wearing pajamas and holding a teddy bear]''
:'''Hämsterviel''': Gantu, you know not to call during my power nap!
:'''Gantu''': My apologies, sir, but I thought you'd like to know that ''I'' recovered an ultimate super weapon experiment for you!
:'''625''': What?! 
:'''Hämsterviel''': Stop making absurd with your absurdities! You could never manage such an important capture!
:'''625''': He didn't! I--
:'''Gantu''': ''[pushes 625 down]'' I'll have it in the transporter within the hour, sir.
:'''Hämsterviel''': Excellent! Now get out there and find me another experiment! ''[turns off contact]''
:'''Computer''': Warning. Experiment 604 activated. Primary function: invisibility generator.
:'''Gantu''': That's one of the pods I lost to the little girl. If I find her, I find the experiment.
:'''625''': Hey, squid breath! Taking credit for my capture is ''bad'' karma! As in... '''YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS!!!'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo uses 604, now named [[w:Harry Houdini|Houdini]], to help Stitch with his magic act; Mertle sees Houdini and takes his picture, flash-blinding him and accidentally making Stitch and all of Mertle's party favors and houseinvisible]''
:'''Aunt Stacy''': ''[dials on her phone]'' Barry? Stacy. I am standing here looking at the star of your next prime time special! Send me a camera crew.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu stalks an invisible who Houdini with heat vision goggles]''
:'''Gantu''': You're invisibility won't help you this time, runt. These goggles see heat! ''[his cell phone rings, causing Houdini to run away]'' 625, what do you want?!
:'''625''': Have you told Hämsterviel that I caught the super weapon yet?!
:'''Gantu''': Don't ever call me while I'm working!
:'''625''': ''BAD KARMA!!!''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo realizes that she accidentally grabbed an invisible Houdini while Gantu ran off with an invisible Stitch]''
:'''Pleakley''': Lookie here. I promised Mertle's Aunt Stacy the Stupendous Stitch would make a lighthouse disappear! And by golly, she's going to get the Stupendous Stitch MAKING A LIGHTHOUSE DISAPPEAR!
:''[Houdini, frightened by Pleakley disappears and runs off]''
:'''Lilo''': You spooked him! Houdini, wait! Great. No Stitch, no Houdini, and national TV waiting! Could it get any worse?!
:'''Jumba''': And don't forget, not-so-friendly friend Mertle is waiting to ridicule you. ''[laughs]''
:'''Lilo''': Right. Thanks for reminding me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu runs off with what appears to be an invisible Houdini]''
:'''Lilo''': Stitch! I can't believe you just gave him... ''[Houdini turns visible again]'' Houdini?! You gave him the empty container. That's quite a magic trick, Mr. Stupendous.
:'''Stitch''': Thank you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Gantu''': What do you mean the container is empty?!
:'''Hämsterviel''': '''''EMPTY!!!!''''' Like your head, you worthless lackey!
:'''Gantu''': May, I remind that I captured Experiment 611, the ultimate super weapon?!
:'''Hämsterviel''': You were looking at it '''''UPSIDE DOWN!!!''''' You sent me Experiment 119, a sticky chocolate experiment designed to smother with it's gooey sweetness! ''[119 (AKA Fudgy) covers Hamsterviel with chocolate]'' Help! Help! Gantu! You will pay for this!
:'''Gantu''': ''[to 625; threateningly]'' If you say one word--
:'''625''': Karma! Karma, karma, karma! ''[Gantu hits him]'' OWWW!!!

== ''Sinker (Experiment 602)'' [1.24] ==
:''[Keoni is waxing a sailboat as Lilo and Stitch arrive]''
:'''Lilo''': Hey, Keoni!
:'''Keoni''': Hey, Lilo. Thanks for coming out. You bring the stopwatch?
:'''Lilo''': Yep. You think you're gonna qualify for the boat race?
:'''Keoni''': Trying to. If I don't practice I don't have a chance. First prize is a new outrigger. I'll signal you when I'm past the break.
:'''Lilo''': ''[to Stitch]'' And if I help him win, I bet there'll be a free boat ride included for me. ''[pulls out a peanut butter sandwich from her bag]'' You set up the chairs, I'm gonna go feed Pudge. I'll be right back.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu arrives at the Rental Hut, disguised as a tourist]''
:'''Gantu''': Hello. My name is Mr. John Bob Jonesmith. I'm a normal Earth tourist, and I would like to rent a boat.
:'''Nani''': You're not fooling anyone, ''Gantu''.
:'''625''': Told ya, flounder face. Blubber's still blubber, no matter how you dress it up. Ice cream sandwich?
:'''Gantu''': Quiet, you! ''[to Nani]'' I require the use of a watercraft ''now''!
:'''Nani''': ''[smug]'' Fine. You wanna rent stuff? I'll rent you stuff!
:''[scene cuts to Gantu overly dressed in aquatic gear]''
:'''625''': Whoa! Captain Clam, what happened? Did the bait shop explode?
:'''Gantu''': She said I needed all this. Now, let's go! We've got an experiment to catch! ''[trips on his small flippers and crushes his boat]'' I think I crushed my dinghy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Jumba converts the buggy to a boat so Lilo and Stitch can capture 602' Jumba watches them via binoculars]''
:'''Pleakley''': See anything? How're they doing?
:'''Jumba''': Little girl and 626 are in position, but the waves keep rocking the boat, making it difficult to get a clear view. Back and forth... Up and down... ''[Pleakley's face turns green at the thought of the boat rocking]'' Back and forth... Up and down...
:'''Pleakley''': I think I'm gonna heave-ho! ''[topples over]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after the buggy was destroyed by Sinker, Lilo, Stitch, Jumba, and Pleakley hitch a ride on a cruse ship; Lilo plans to warn the captain about Sinker, but Stitch destroys the banquet hall]''
:'''Tiffany''': Well, it looks like someone's been a naughty-waughty dog, haven't they?
:'''Lilo''': Busted. 
:'''Tiffany''': I'm Tiffany, the cruise director. Are you just the cutest little girly-wirly? Woo, I could just eat you up!
:'''Lilo''': Please stop talking like that.
:'''Tiffany''': It's not a good idea for a cute little giddle-bumpkin like you to be wandering around unsupervised.
:'''Lilo''': We're on our way to see the captain.
:'''Tiffany''': ''[laughs]'' That is so cute! You wanna see the captain. Follow me.
:''[scene changes to Lilo and Stitch being stuck in the ships' kindergarten]''
:'''Lilo''': I knew she was too perky to be trusted!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch has successfully captured Sinker; Gantu and 625 are trapped on a desert island]''
:'''625''': Well, look at the bright side, Mr. Blubber. Even ''you'' can't sink this. ''[carves a pile of sand to like a sandwich]'' ''Sand''-wich?
:''[Gantu angrily grabs 625, adding weight on his side of the island and tipping it over]''

== ''Nosy (Experiment 199)'' [1.25] ==
:''[Note: [[w:Bobcat Goldthwait|Bobcat Goldthwait]] (the voice of Pain from [[w:Hercules (1997 film)|Hercules]]) makes a surprise role as the voice of Nosy]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo, Stitch and Pleakley are having a [[w:poi|poi]] balloon fight in the house; Pleakley throws a balloon close to Nani as she arrives]''
:'''Nani''': Who threw that?!
:''[Lilo and Stitch point to Pleakley]''
:'''Pleakley''': I was just gardening! They lured me into their evil poi balloon battle!
:'''Nani''': Look at this kitchen! Mr. Jameson's gonna think I'm a total slob!
:'''Lilo''': Mr. Jameson? As in father of Keoni Jameson?
:'''Nani''': As in the son of my potential new boss! They're both coming to brunch tomorrow!
:'''Lilo''': Keoni's coming here?! You gotta clean up this mess, Nani. ''[Nani glares at her angrily]'' Well, Stitch and I are going to the movies. Gotta hurry to catch that first show!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch pins down Nosy after he spoils the movie for him and Lilo]''
:'''Nosy''': Hey, ow! What gives, blue guy?!
:'''Lilo''': Stitch, leave that kid alone!
:'''Stitch''': Naga kid! ''[pulls out Nosy's disguise]'' Cousin!
:'''Lilo''': Good eye.
:'''Nosy''': Yo, easy, Fido! I'm an alien experiment, not a dog toy.
:'''Lilo''': We know, and we're gonna help you find the one place where you truly belong.
:'''Nosy''': What are you, a greetin' card?
:''[Lilo unzips her bag]''
:'''Nosy''': Hey, what's in that bag of yours? ''[grabs the bag and looks through it]''
:'''Lilo''': Hey! 
:'''Nosy''': ''[pulls out Lilo's diary]'' Oooh, a diary!
:'''Stitch''': Agaba! ''[snatches the diary and gives it back to Lilo]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Jumba''': Ah! 199! One of my favorites.
:'''Lilo''': Says here he... &quot;digs up dirt&quot;?
:'''Jumba''': Not to be taken literally. 199 is like spy, designed to get nose into everybody's business.
:'''Nosy''': ''[walks in holding a book]'' Look what I found!
:'''Lilo''': My secret catalog of local vampires. I've been looking for that everywhere.
:'''Nosy''': Found it under 626's pillow!
:''[Lilo glares at Stitch, who then glares at Nosy]''
:'''Jumba''': ''[chuckles]'' You see? 199 is very nosy.
:'''Lilo''': Nosy, huh? Then why'd you make him?
:'''Jumba''': Why else? To humiliate enemies by digging up most embarrassing secrets. 199 is quite entertaining with so much juicy gossip, no?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Pleakley is forcing Lilo, Stitch, and Jumba to learn better etiquette for the Jamesons]''
:'''Pleakley''': ''[he blow the whistle]'' Roll-call, everybody dressed?
:'''Jumba''': Cannot breathing into tight disco pants, oh! Must drop anything.
:'''Stitch''': Ta-da. ''[he walks downstairs but he step his tie and he trips, rolling on downstairs to Lilo]'' Ta-da.
:'''Pleakley''': Hmmm... Actually, I was more comfortable with a dog disguise.
:'''Stitch''': Oh...
:'''Nani''': Pleakley, I got more eggs for the... AUGH! Pleakley! They're gonna be here in less than an hour! You're supposed to be cooking!
:'''Pleakley''': Don't worry your little head, Nani. The traditional [[w:yule log|yule log]] is roasting as we speak.
:'''Nani''': Yule log? But it's summer!
:'''Pleakley''': Well, Helen the hostess featured one on her show just yesterday. I think she knows what she's doing.
:'''Nani''': That was a '''rerun!''' Yule logs are for December, and they're not food! ''[doorbell rings]'' Whoever it is, tell them to...
:'''Mr. Jameson''': Aloha. We thought we'd arrive early to help, that's what Aloha hospitality is all about.
:'''Nani''': ''[chuckles]'' Right. Come on in.
:'''Pleakley''': You know, Helen the hostess says, it's rude to arrive before...''[Nani elbows him]''
:'''Nani''': Um...Mr. Jameson, this is my Aunt Pleakley, my Uncle Jumba, my sister Lilo and our...dog. Who dresses up sometimes.
:'''Jumba''': So nice for to be making your acquaintance seeing, Mr. Emerson.
:'''Pleakley''': It's Jameson, dear. ''[chuckles]'' He's not good with names. Sometimes forgets mine. ''[chuckles]'' 
:'''Lilo''': Hey, Keoni.
:'''Keoni''': Sup, Lilo.
:'''Nosy''': Guess what I found out? Jumba, Pleakley, and Stitch, they're all aliens! But, hey! Who am I'm a judge? I'm an alien, too!
:''[Nani gasped]''
:'''Mr. Jameson''': I beg your pardon?
:'''Nosy''': Hey, you're Keoni! Lilo keeps a bunch of pictures of you in her diary. ''[as Stitch drags him and walks off]'' Boy, does she have a crush on you.
:'''Lilo''': Oh, no.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch gives Nosy to Gantu to keep him out of the way during Mr. Jameson's visit]''
:'''Nosy''': Hello, shorty! Hey, you're Gantu, the big dummy Lilo drew all those pictures of.
:'''Gantu''': Well, yes. I mean, no! I mean-- Who are you?! 
:'''Nosy''': Experiment 199, at your service!
:'''Gantu''': 199?! I've been searching for you since your activation!
:'''625''': Who is this guy? The big-nose experiment?
:'''Gantu''': It's the snooping experiment! The foolish Earth girl and the trog gave it to me!
:'''Nosy''': You mean Lilo and Stitch? Boy, do I got some dirt on them!
:'''Gantu''': Really? Tel me everything you know about their experiment files.
:'''Nosy''': Who cares about the experiments? You should hear about the love letters I found in Jumba's drawer!
:'''625''': Ooh, I'm all ears!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu, annoyed by Nosy's talking, sends him to Hämsterviel]''
:'''Hämsterviel''': Tell me, you unattractive talking experiment with such a gigantic nose, what do Gantu and 625 say about me?
:'''Nosy''': Not much. They mostly just sit around making up names for you. Rat-face...
:'''Hämsterviel''': What?!
:'''Nosy''': Hämsterjerk...
:'''Hämsterviel''': What?!
:'''Nosy''': Geisterviel!
:'''Hämsterviel''': WHAT?!
:'''Nosy''': If you want, I should repeat them?
:'''Hämsterviel''': NO!! I reject you and your huge nose! I'm sending you back to Gantu with some unflattering nicknaming of my own! ''[teleports Nosy back to Gantu's ship]''
:'''625''': ''[notices Nosy]'' Hey! ''[throws his magazine at Gantu]''
:'''Gantu''': HEY!!
:'''625''': The town gossip's back!
:'''Gantu''': You again?!
:'''Nosy''': Snagged rat-face's journal! It's gold!
:'''Gantu''': Really?
:'''Nosy''': Did you know Hämsterviel sleeps with a pacifier? He also wears platform shoes to make him look threatening. ''[Gantu takes the journal]'' And his dental habits, don't get me started!
:'''Gantu''': ''[whispers to 625]'' Get rid of him.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''625''': Gantu wears what?!
:'''Nosy''': He wears bunny slippers. I saw him waking around in them.
:'''625''': Get out!
:'''Gantu''': Keep it down out there!
:'''Nosy''': Wanna hear about Gantu's obsession with karaoke?
:'''625''': Pray tell!

== ''Finder (Experiment 158)'' [1.26] ==
:''[Note: This episode misnumbers Finder as 458]

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch find Experiment 158]''
:'''Lilo''': He sure is a cute little fella.
:'''Stitch''': Humph!
:'''Lilo''': But not as cute as you, Stitch. Now, we just have to figure out what he can do.
:'''Nani''': ''[dashes in]'' Has anyone seen my keys?! I am so late! My boss is gonna fire me so hard. ''[opens Stitch's mouth]'' Did you eat them?!
:'''Stitch''': Oh, no.
:''[158 dashes into the kitchen and sniffs around a bit, and then honks and points at the fridge]''
:'''Nani''': Oh, I don't have time for this! Lilo! Your experiment's hungry!
:'''Stitch''': ''[opens the fridge and grabs Nani's keys]'' Egata! Haka!
:'''Nani''': My keys! ''[realizes]'' What were they doing in the fridge?
:'''Lilo''': Wow! He must be able to find things. I'm gonna name you Finder. I bet Finder's even better and finding stuff than you, Stitch.
:''[Stitch growls angrily and then dashes into the living room and rips up the couch, pulling out some items and showing them to Lilo]''
:'''Lilo''': Paper clip, nail file, 14 cents, and a... ''[pulls out a piece of paper]'' Jury duty summons.
:'''Nani''': ''[snatches the paper]'' That's mine.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch is playing a poker game with Ritcher, Cannonball, Yin, and Yang, and Yang ends up winning with four aces, claiming a stack of cookies, as Lilo and Finder return home]''
:'''Lilo''': We really got Mertle good, didn't we? 
:'''Nani''': ''[getting herself ready for a date while putting on some earrings]'' Who got Mertle good? 
:'''Lilo''': Finder and me. Finder was a better show and tell than her boring old doll. 
:'''Stitch''': ''[sulks in disappointment]'' Oh. 
:'''Nani''': Gloating isn't nice, Lilo. 
:'''Lilo''': ''[confused]'' What's gloating? 
:'''Nani''': Gloating is when you're happy about being better than someone else, but in a mean way. 
:'''Lilo''': But Mertle does that all the time. 
:'''Nani''': You wanna be like Mertle? 
:'''Lilo''': No.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after Jumba and Pleakley receive a message from the Grand Councilwoman that Hämsterviel escaped prison]''
:'''Pleakley''': I can't believe it. The Grand Councilwoman of the Galactic Federation never calls us unless.. ''[grabs Jumba by his shirt]'' INTERGALACTIC ANNIHILATION IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER!!! '''WHAT DO WE DO?!?'''
:'''Jumba''': First step is to be gaining composure and LETTING GO OF ME!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Hämsterviel, trying to escape from Finder, bumps into Mertle outside the pet shop]''
:'''Mertle''': A talking gerbil!
:'''Hämsterviel''': I AM NOT A GERBIL!! And what are you staring at, you multiple-eyed biped? Have you never before seen a criminal genius? ''[Mertle picks him up and puts him in her backpack]'' Unhand me, or I will have you and all members of your family ruined in-physically!
:'''Mertle''': Wait'll I take ''him'' to show-and-tell.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu is forced by 625 to make sandwiches for him]''
:'''625''': No, no, no. You're slicing them too thick! You have to be able to fit'em in your mouth. Well, ''my'' mouth, which is much smaller than your grotesque maw. Now, lay some mustard on me, baby!
:'''Computer''': Incoming communication from...
:'''Grand Councilwoman''': Grand Councilwoman of the Galactic Federation.
:''[Gantu pushes 625 and the sandwich ingredients aside]''
:'''Grand Councilwoman''': Gantu, I have an offer for you. If you're successful, it could mean reinstatement of your captain's rank.
:'''Gantu''': I'll do anything!
:'''Grand Councilwoman''': But you haven't heard what it is yet!
:'''Gantu''': I don't care! ''Lay some mustard on me, baby!'' I mean, ma'am. Terribly sorry. Please, go ahead.
:'''Grand Councilwoman''': It's about the escape Dr. Hämsterviel. I know you are... associated with him. But if you capture him and turn him over to us, all will be forgiven.
:''[Gantu chuckles evilly]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch is in the animal shelter after failing to catch Hämsterviel at Mertle's house]''
:'''Lilo''': Stitch? Stitch, what were you doing at Mertle's?
:'''Stitch''': Oh... Hämsterviel.
:'''Lilo''': You were trying to find Hämsterviel without us? But why? ''[Stitch sees Finder and growls at him]'' Oh. 'Cause you wanted to find him before Finder did. ''[guilty]'' I guess I kinda made you feel inferior, huh? Stitch, you're number one at so many things. You shouldn't be upset if you aren't number one at everything. 
:'''Stitch''': ''[sighs]'' Okay, okay.
:'''Lilo''': Besides, Finder made a mistake. Hämsterviel's not at Mertle's.
:''[Stitch chuckles, knowing otherwise]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Mertle is talking to Hämsterviel]''
:'''Mertle''': And I'm sorta the leader of these girls. But sometimes, I think they don't even like me.
:'''Hämsterviel''': Ah! That is your first mistake! It doesn't matter if your minions like you. They only need to ''fear'' you!
:'''Mertle''': Huh. I never thought about that way. ''[hears a ship landing outside]'' Now what? 
:'''Gantu''': Dr. Hämsterviel, I am here to apprehend you on orders of the Galactic Federation!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu kidnaps Hämsterviel and Mertle and taking them to the Grand Councilwoman]''
:'''Mertle''': This looks familiar.
:'''Hämsterviel''': I cannot believe this aquatic excuse for a captain! He has turned on me!
:'''Mertle''': It's like you said: Where's the loyalty?
:'''Hämsterviel''': Gantu is a disgrace! You, a mere child of a primate peoples, could do his job a hundred... no, a ''thousand'' times better!
:'''Mertle''': I could?
:'''Hämsterviel''': Believe me, you could! Perhaps, when you have completed your education, you could come work for me!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch pulls on a panel in Gantu's ship, causing it to crash land]''
:'''Gantu''': Now I won't be able to deliver Hämsterviel to the Councilwoman!
:'''Grand Councilwoman''': No need to worry about that. I came to you. Guards? ''[her guards go into Gantu's ship to take Hämsterviel]''
:'''Gantu''': I fulfilled my part of the bargain. I caught Hämsterviel! Where is my reward?
:'''Grand Councilwoman''': I suppose you do...
:'''Lilo''': Where's Mertle?!
:'''Grand Councilwoman''': What is a... Mertle?
:'''Lilo''': She's a little girl, like me. Gantu grabbed her when he took Hämsterviel!
:'''Grand Councilwoman''': ''[to Gantu]'' Is this true?
:'''Gantu''': Oh, uh, I'm not sure. I haven't really looked. I suppose it's possible.
:'''Grand Councilwoman''': So, you put an innocent girl in danger. ''[sighs]'' You always did have a problem with ethics. My offer is therefore rescinded.
:''[the Grand Councilwoman's guards carry Hämsterviel to her ship]''
:'''Hämsterviel''': Let me go, you wretched olive-shaped woman with backwards legs! 
:'''Grand Councilwoman''': ''[to Lilo]'' The Galactic Federation thanks you for your help. 
:'''Lilo''': Yeah. I only wish I knew what happened to... ''[hears a whirring sound]'' Stitch!
:''[Stitch holds onto to a hovering Finder and lands on the ground; Lilo runs up to Stich and they hug]''
:'''Grand Councilwoman''': Experiment 626, if anyone deserves a reward for finding Dr. Hämsterviel, it is you.
:'''Stitch''': ''[guilty]'' Hmm... Finder did it.
:''[Finder honks happily]''
:'''Grand Councilwoman''': Yes, Experiment 458 managed to ''track'' Dr. Hämsterviel, but without your courage and daring, he would not have been apprehended. But it's good of you to share the credit.

== ''Slushy (Experiment 523)'' [1.27] ==
:''[Gantu is trying to fix the ship's air conditioner during a heat wave]''
:'''Gantu''': Stupid broken air conditioner! ''[the air conditioner explodes]'' Blitznak! I hate this heat!
:'''625''': Aww, poor little guppy. Say, would I nice warm cup of tea help? Maybe some pipin' hot tomato soup. I can make you a cheeseburger.
:'''Computer''': Warning. Experiment 523 activated.
:'''Gantu''': Oh, a freeze inducer! Perfect! I'll turn this sweltering mud ball into something livable. 
:'''625''': ''[grilling burgers]'' Hey, Gantu. You want yours medium or well done?
:'''Gantu''': Knock it off!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[523 freezes Kauai via helicopter; Jumba works on Splodyhead/Experiment 619, who Jumba misnumbers as &quot;515&quot;]''
:'''Jumba''': Five Fifteen, your thermostat is adjusted. Hot wave should no longer overheat you.
:'''Splodyhead''': Ih! ''[crawls away]''
:'''Jumba''': ''[chuckles]'' Don't mention it!
:'''Pleakley''': Splodyhead! Beware, beware! Jumba, we're being invaded. Millions of little white aliens are landing outside as we speak!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch goes to Waialeale Peak to find Slushy]''
:'''Lilo''': The little troublemaker is gonna freeze the whole island if we don't get him. It's icy, so be careful not to... ''[slides down the slope, alerting Slushy]'' ...slip.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch captures Slushy and brings him back to the house, which has just thawed out]''
:'''Pleakley''': Finally! The sun is back, and so are you! You must've caught the little snow monster.
:'''Lilo''': His name is Slushy.
:'''Pleakley''': Oh, thank the kings of Groovplok 5! No more of that freezing cold snow! It's awful! Just awful!
:'''Jumba''': Eh, actually it's not awful enough. Only makes everything cold and wet. No, not very evil at all.
:'''Lilo''': But it makes snow, and that's good. You can slide on it, throw it at each other, even make snow zombies out of it. So... wanna try it with me?
:'''Stitch, Jumba and Pleakley''': No!
:'''Lilo''': Well, fine! Go inside! I am gonna play in the snow! ''[lets Slushy out of his container]'' Alright, Slushy. Do your stuff! But only for my house!
:''[Slushy uses his ice breath to make it snow all over Lilo's house]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu captures Slushy and makes him freeze Kauai over]'' 
:'''Lilo''': Good thing you like snow now, huh, Stitch?
:'''Jumba''': Indeed! Experiment 523 works better than ever dreamed! If ice spewing continues, entire island would be transformed from tropical paradise to frozen tundra forever! Is very evil after all! ''[laughs maniacally but then stops to see Lilo and Stitch glaring at him]'' Oh, right. Not big fans of evil. Sorry!

== ''Dupe (Experiment 344)'' [1.28] ==
:''[Gantu storms back into his ship after losing another experiment to Lilo and Stitch]''
:'''Gantu''': I don't want any of your lip!
:'''625''': I didn't say any--
:'''Gantu''': ''[smacks 625's sandwich out of his hand]'' I told you to zip it, you sandwich-making freak!
:'''625''': Oh, look what you did to my tuna on rye!
:'''Gantu''': ''[suddenly guilty]'' I'm sorry. I didn't mean it.
:'''625''': Hey, hey, hey. You obviously had a bad day. You wanna talk about it?
:'''Gantu''': Well.... alright. It's that trog! Always besting me! I just can't take it anymore! Uh, you're not offended when I call him a trog, are you? Because, after all, ''you're'' a trog.
:'''625''': Please! Don't you worry about me. This is about you. Why don't you tell me a little about your childhood?
:'''Gantu''': I haven't thought about that in a while. Well, my father was very authoritarian, so I didn't have many friends. No friends, actually.
:'''625''': Yeah, go on...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch take Dupe to their house]''
:'''Jumba''': Hmm, here is experiment I have not been seeing in a long time.
:'''Lilo''': What does it do?
:'''Jumba''': Experiment 344 is duplicator. It can make multiple copies of anyone or anything. Designed to make infinite number of weapons. ''[Stitch looks at Dupe's antenna while having a lollipop]'' Careful of the antenna, 626. You might duplicate yourself.
:'''Stitch''': Oh, yeah! ''[uses Dupe's antenna to clone a lollipop for Lilo and then makes him clone an entire stack of cakes so he could chow down]''
:'''Lilo''': Cool! All the lollipops you can eat! ''[tastes her lollipop]'' Mmm, good... but there's something different. Is this low-cal?
:'''Jumba''': Yes. Experiment 344 was failure. Duplicates were not as powerful as original.
:''[Stitch finishes off the stack of cakes]''
:'''Lilo''': Better watch out, Stitch, or you'll lose your girlish figure.
:'''Jumba''': Eh, actually, no. Duplicates have less than original of everything, including fat and calories.
:'''Pleakley''': ''[barges in dressed as a park ranger]'' Hold everything! As official adult guardian of your slumber party tonight, I don't want that thing wreaking havoc! Nani put me in charge while she's gone, and I'm not letting her down! I got everything planned: pillow fight at 6:00, toenail painting at 7:00, aromatherapy facial's at 8 bells, gossiping about boys will be sprinkled about as spontaneous intervals.
:'''Lilo''': What about light as a feather, stiff as a board?
:'''Pleakley''': Hmm, inducing levitation. Shouldn't take longer than a half hour. I'll pencil ya in at 6:30.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu is continuing telling his childhood story to 625]''
:'''Gantu''': Then, when I was 12, I was excluded from peer group's parties. 
:'''625''': Let me stop your there. I understand your problem.
:'''Gantu''': You do?
:'''625''': It's obvious: your life is a boring failure! I wouldn't wanna be you, either! All you do is whine &quot;It's all the trog's fault!&quot;
:'''Gantu''': You said you wanted to hear it!
:'''625''': I didn't it would be so tedious!
:'''Gantu''': Daddy always said to trust no one. Why haven't I learned?!
:'''625''': Don't you feel better now?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[at Lilo and Stitch's slumber party, Yin, Yang, Richter, and Cannonball are having a big pillow fight]''
:'''Pleakley''': We're done with the pillow fight phase and have moved on to the facial phase! Come on, people! Stick to the schedule!
:''[the experiments stare at each other and then start hitting Pleakley with their pillows]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo accidentally clones Stitch with Dupe after wanting more friends; she takes the clones to her hula class]''
:'''Lilo''': Hey, guys. I missed you at my slumber party.
:'''Mertle''': We have a scheduling conflict.
:'''Lilo''': That's okay. Let me introduce you to my new friends. ''[the three Stitches clean their noses with their tongues]''
:'''Mertle''': There goes hula class.
:'''Lilo''': By the way, I'm having another slumber party tonight, with a levitation.
:'''Mertle''': Oh, really?
:'''Lilo''': Yep. Only this time, you're not invited. Right, guys?
:'''All three Stitches''': ''YYYEEEEAAAAAHHHH!!''
:'''Lilo''': It's good to have a posse.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[with the help of Heat, Thresher, Plasmoid, and Hammerface, Gantu has succeeded in capturing all four Stitches; he rings a bell for 625, nothing happens]''
:'''Gantu''': Ahem! I rang the bell!
:'''625''': You can forget it! I'm not coming out!
:'''Gantu''': Fine! Plasmoid?
:''[Plasmoid readies a shot from his tail]''
:'''625''': Alright, alright! ''[comes out dressed as a butler]'' Happy now?
:'''Gantu''': I want you to make a victory feast for my brave warriors.
:'''625''': 'Kay. Victory feast. With or without crust?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo tricks Gantu into using Dupe to clone a hundred of Heat, Thresher, Plasmoid, and Hammerface, making them too weak against the Pleakley clones while she merges all 4 Stitches back into the original]''
:'''Gantu''': I don't understand. My army, they're so weak! You tricked me!
:'''Lilo''': Yep. It's a side effect. United you stand, but divided you're a whole mess of weaklings.

== ''Shortstuff (Experiment 297)'' [1.29] ==
:''[Lilo and Stitch go to the carnival; Gantu and 625 are also at the carnival; Gantu is failing at the ring toss game]''
:'''Gantu''': Stupid ring toss game! Must be rigged to prevent my winningǃ
:'''625''': I didn't have a problem. ''[holding up his stuffed elephant]'' And I finally have something interesting to talk to. Ain't that right, Mr. Puffles? ''[hugs the elephant]''
:'''Gantu''': ''[throws and misses a bottle again]'' Oh, poo! Why did we come to this primitive Earth recreation area anyway?
:'''625''': Hey, to see that! ''[runs towards the World's Largest Sandwich display]'' A sandwich to end all sandwiches! The world record-holder in loaf size, meat density, and mayo per square inch! Oh, I gotta taste!
:'''Gantu''': ''[grabs 625]'' Stop it! We're trying to ''blend in'' on this planet!
:'''625''': Just one bite! ONE BITE!
:'''Gantu''': Even your big mouth couldn't bite that monstrosity!
:'''625''': I'm willing to die trying!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Gantu''': Experiment 297: Designed to sabotage mechanical and electrical devices.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch are trying to find a device in order to make Stitch bigger so he could be tall enough to go on the rides; Pleakley comes in after baking a pineapple shortcake]''
:'''Pleakley''': What are you two doing?
:'''Lilo''': Stitch wants Jumba's help.
:'''Pleakley''': He's off-planet, doing his community service. He's a convicted evil genius, you know! But maybe I can help.
:'''Lilo''': See... Stitch is looking for evil genius help, not Pleakley help.
:'''Pleakley''': Hey! I can do more than cook and clean, you know! I was trained in Galactic Alliance Community College! I would make a perfectly acceptable substitute evil genius.
:'''Lilo''': Well... okay. Stitch thinks he needs to be bigger. I think he's wrong, but...
:'''Pleakley''': Hmm... A little conundrum of molecular resizefication, eh?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[while Lilo and Pleakley try to shrink Stitch back to normal size, Shortstuff comes in and sabotages the size ray, making him grow to a humongous size and terrorize Kokaua Town]''
:'''Lilo''': Okay, we gotta get everyone back to normal size.
:'''Pleakley''': But we can't possibly shrink 297 now! We need an extension cord of impossible length! Oh, how will we stop that monstrosity?! How, I ask?!
:'''Stitch''': ''[holds out the size ray]'' Meega bigger! 
:'''Pleakley''': Hmm.... fight bigger with bigger, eh? So, instead of one giant monster, we'll have two. ''[Stitch nods in agreement]'' It's so crazy, it just might work! ''[aims the ray at Stitch to make him bigger.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch and Shortstuff, now gigantic size, get ready to fight each other]''
:'''Lilo''': These [[w:King Kong vs. Godzilla|big monster battles]] never turn out well.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Jumba returns and shrinks Stitch to his normal size to fight Shortstuff]''
:'''Pleakley''': I know I could use some practice, but if you need a substitute evil genius again, I...
:'''Jumba''': Oh, no! You are like 626, best made for one true purpose.
:'''Pleakley''': You mean being a high-ranking official in the Galactic Alliance?
:'''Jumba''': No, I mean disguising self like ugly Earth female! ''[laughs]'' &quot;Official!&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Yuki''': Hey, look. Lilo's back with her little tiny friend.
:'''Lilo''': He's not tiny. He's just right.
:'''Stitch''': Perfecto!
:'''Mertle''': That's so sweet! Now get to the back of the line! We're gonna on the ride before you!
:'''Ride Operator''': OK, next! ''[sees Lilo and Stitch]'' Oh, hey, little miss! Come on in. You know you brought me the most popular ride in the carnival.
:''[Mertle is shocked that Lilo and Stitch go on the ride, which is really Shortstuff]''

== ''Angel (Experiment 624)'' [1.30] ==
:''[Lilo and Stitch find Pleakley watching TV]''
:'''Lilo''': What are you watching?
:'''Pleakley''': ''America's Gushiest Home Love Stories''. Love-crazed Earthlings send in homemade video documentation of their absurd courtship rituals. It's absolutely fascinating!
:'''Stitch''': Blah! Love icky!
:'''Lilo''': Ah, come on, Stitch. You gotta believe in love.
:'''Pleakley''': Lilo's right. Just you wait. Someday, you'll find another little monster who shares your likes and dislikes. Who finds your little quirks just oh-so adorable.
:'''Stitch''': Ah, kachaka!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch finds Angel, but is love-struck by her beauty]''
:'''Lilo''': Stitch, what's the matter?! She's a nasty one! Grab her before she eats us!
:'''Stitch''': Naga. Tee bokany ba boojiboo! ''[Angel lovingly licks him]''
:'''Lilo''': She's no boochiboo! She's one of Jumba's evil experiments!
:'''Stitch''': Naga! Tee bokany ba boojiboo!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Angel sneaks back into Gantu's ship]''
:'''625''': Hello, hotcakes! I thought you went the whole &quot;captured-by-the-little-girl-and-turned-good&quot; route.
:'''Gantu''': Ha! Shows how much ''you'' know! She's right on schedule.
:'''625''': &quot;On schedule&quot;? You mean, you actually ''planned'' all this? The whole chase? Losing the experiment? You slipping on the coconuts and falling on your keister? All of it?!
:'''Gantu''': Well, the keister part was... improvised. All is going according to plan. The trog's household is infiltrated and Jumba's database compromised. Contact with the other repurposed experiments begins... tomorrow!
:''[Angel smiles evilly]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo learns that Angel's song turns experiment evil and hearing it in reverse reverts them back to good; Angel feels guilty for Stitch about to beaten by the experiments turned evil, so she sings her song backwards to revert them back to good and helps them escape]''
:'''Lilo''': Stitch! What happened to Angel? Bet you had to use your super strength to do her in!
:'''Stitch''': Naga. Angel save Stitch. ''[Angel comes out]''
:'''Lilo''': No kidding? 
:'''Stitch''': Gotta believe in love!

== ''Felix (Experiment 010, also called &quot;Oscar&quot;)'' [1.31] ==
:'''Hämsterviel''': Gantu! I'm sending Experiment 010 back to you! He's driving me bananas!
:'''Gantu''': No! Please! I--
:'''Hämsterviel''': And no fishy-lip whining or complaining or making with the &quot;Please, don't send it back!&quot;
:'''Gantu''': But-- Very well. 
:'''625''': You do have fishy lips, you know.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch capture 010 after it cleans up the beach]''
:'''Jumba''': Little girl and 626, meet Experiment 010.
:'''Lilo''': I'm naming him Felix... because on TV, all neat freaks are named Felix.
:'''Stitch''': Aloha, neat freak. ''[hugs Felix]''
:'''Lilo''': You should've seen him cleaning up that beach. He was all &quot;voop, voop, voop!&quot; and &quot;poop, poop, poop!&quot; with his nose!
:'''Jumba''': Nose?! Ha! Is not just rodementary O-factoring device. He is sophisticated biosystem of tiny brushes and hormonal detergents. 010 has threefold duty: 1. Automatically tidy up all messes. 2. Digest process all garbage and trash. And 3. Antisceptisize against all unhealthy germs and sources of filth.
:'''Lilo''': So he's hung up on dirt, just like Nani and Pleakley.
:'''Pleakley''': I heard that! You're talking about me! ''[sees Felix]'' AAAHHHH!! Mele kiliiki maaka! Another monster in the house?! No, no, no! I forbid it!
:'''Lilo''': But Felix is just like you. You two would probably get along great.
:'''Pleakley''': Are you kidding? It's nothing but a walking sack of Jumba's evil geniusness. It's dangerous!
:'''Lilo''': Jumba, he's not dangerous, is he?
:'''Jumba''': If I am remembering correctly, 010 cannot tell difference between dirt for cleaning up and unbathed evil genius for leaving alone. But I'm quite certain a fixed that ''looooong'' ago. Yes, now little 010 is so gentle, would not hurt even tiniest Earth fly.
:''[Unbeknownst to the other characters, Felix shoots a laser out of his nose, vaporizing a fly]''
:'''Felix''': Dirty!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Pleakley has grown attached to Felix ever since he cleaned up the house]''
:'''Pleakley''': Laundry pressed and starched, linoleum buffed to a blinding polish. Ah, it doesn't get any better.
:'''Lilo''': Pleakley, your &quot;soulmate&quot; just threw out my collection of seashells that look like presidents.
:'''Pleakley''': Salty sea junk? Who cares?
:'''Lilo''': And it chucked out Stitch's bed!
:'''Pleakley''': Worm-eaten pineapple crate? So what?
:'''Jumba''': I have been working on cure for pesky Earth viruses. Has anyone seen my petri dish cultures?
:'''Pleakley''': Care for the common cold? Better off without out!
:''[Felix comes in and sniffs Pleakley's sewing machine]''
:'''Felix''': Dirty!
:'''Lilo''': ''[smug]'' Trashy old sewing machine? Who needs it?
:'''Pleakley''': Yeah. Just a heap of scrap metal... ''[snaps out of it]'' WAIT!!! That's not trash! It's retro! IT'S RETROOOOO!!!! 
:''[Felix sucks up the sewing machine through his nose and shoots into the trash]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Felix has Lilo, Stitch and Jumba trapped in their own house]''
:'''Jumba''': Uh-oh. I am just remembering: I did not fix flaw in 010's programming.
:'''Lilo''': ''[sarcastically]'' Great. ''Now'' you remember. So what was the flaw?
:'''Jumba''': Logic problem in 010's third function: anticeptisize against all unhealthy germs and sources of filth, which is what he sees ''us'' as. Filthy huge germs to anticeptisize.
:'''Lilo''': That's something like taking a bath, right?
:'''Jumba''': Yes, like taking a bath. The last bath you'll ever take!
:''[Lilo gasps in fright]''
:'''Felix''': '''''Dirty, dirty, dirty!!!'''''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Jumba has just finished making modifications on Felix]''
:'''Jumba''': Presenting 010.2, the upgrade. Reversed polarity, so is no longer obsessively neat.
:'''Lilo''': Well... Let's try him out. ''[pours some cereal on the floor]''
:'''Pleakley''': Oh, what price science.
:'''Jumba''': ''[chuckles]'' See? No reaction at all to big mess-making.
:''[Lilo smashes the cereal by jumping on it; Felix hops over to the mess and takes a deep breath]''
:'''Lilo''': Hey, what's he doing?
:'''Jumba''': I'm evil genius, not fortune teller.
:''[Felix blows the mess with his nose, making an entire mess of the kitchen]''
:'''Lilo''': Now Felix in an [[w:Oscar the Grouch|Oscar]], a total dirt freak!
:'''Felix''': Dirty, dirty, dirty! ''[Stitch shoves him into a container]''
:'''Jumba''': Interesting. Perhaps I have reversed polarity tiniest bit too much.
:'''Pleakley''': Gee, ya think?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu has just finished cleaning up his ship]''
:'''Gantu''': There, finally got the place clean.
:'''625''': Uh-uh-uh! You missed a spot! The entire kitchen!
:'''Gantu''': ''[sighs, notices a wrapped box outside the ship]'' Say... ''[pulls out the tag]'' &quot;Best wishes from Lilo and Stitch.&quot;  ''[opens the box to reveal Felix]'' Experiment 010! You're back! We never should've let you go! 
:''[Gantu takes Felix into the ship]''
:'''Gantu''': 625, look, it's-- Hey, what's he doing?
:'''625''': I don't know, but I don't like it.
:''[Felix messes up the ship]''
:'''Gantu''': &lt;big&gt;AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!&lt;/big&gt;

== ''Poxy (Experiment 222)'' [1.32] ==
:''[Pleakley has contracted Experiment 222 in his body while eating breakfast cereal, causing him to break out in purple spots and burp uncontrollably]''
:'''Pleakley''': Oh, the pain, the torment, ''[burps]'' the acid reflex. Help me....
:'''Lilo''': Pleakley?! What happened to you?
:'''Stitch''': ''[sniff's Pleakley's feet]'' Ah! Stinky!
:'''Lilo''': Wow. You're covered in purple pimples.
:'''Pleakley''': And my eye's swelled, and I'm burping uncontrollably.
:'''Lilo''': ''[thinks a bit]'' No problem. We'll fix you.
:''[she and Stitch leave the room and come back dresses as surgeons]''
:'''Lilo''': Okay, we're ready!
:'''Pleakley''': ''[nervously]'' Ready? ''[burps]'' Ready for what?
:'''Lilo''': To operate!
:'''Stitch''': ''[pulls out a chainsaw]'' Tooki bah wah bah!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after losing Gantu at the medical clinic, Lilo, Stitch, and Pleakley return to their house]''
:'''Jumba''': Okey-dokey. Is simple plan. I use reducer ray to shrink 626 to microscopic teeny-tiny size. Then pilot ex-buggy inside Pleakley and capture 222.
:'''Lilo''': Hey, how'd you get the buggy in here?
:'''Jumba''': Oh, simple: cup opener- It's not important. What ''is'' important is...
:'''Lilo''': THAT I DRIVE!!!
:'''Jumba''': You make joke! This is no job for to little girl!
:'''Stitch''': Yana poola! Ichi boh boh!
:'''Jumba''': Lilo drives.
:'''Lilo''': YAY!!
:'''Pleakley''': Oh, you're gonna let the little girl drive around ''MY INSIDES?!?''
:'''Jumba''': What could I do? There is no arguing with &quot;ichi boh boh&quot;, hmm?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch defeat Gantu by making him contract Poxy]''
:'''625''': Amazing! You've finally caught an experiment!
:'''Gantu''': I didn't want to catch it like this. These pimples itch! How come ''you're'' not sick?
:'''625''': Chicken soup salad sandwiches!
:'''Gantu''': Can I have one?
:'''625''': Sorry. Outta bread again.
:'''Gantu''': I hate this planet.

== ''Hunkahunka (Experiment 323)'' [1.33: Valentine's Day Special] ==
:''[Lilo runs into the house; Stitch is exhausted]''
:'''Lilo''': AAAAAH!!!! HE'S COMING! THIS IS A CATASTROPHE! HE'S ON HIS WAY RIGHT NOW!!
:'''Pleakley''': Hold it! ''HOLD EVERYTHING!!'' Now explain to me slowly and clearly exactly what happened.
:'''Lilo''': Okay. Keoni Jameson was holding a bouquet of flowers, when he asked Tino directions to our house. When Tino asked why he wanted directions, he said he had to ask a real cutie something. It's so obvious what he has in mind.
:'''Pleakley''': Now explain to me slowly and clearly exactly what happened.
:'''Lilo''': Keoni is going to ask me to the Lono-I-Ke-Aweawe festival! ''[pause]'' The annual Valentine's Day festival!
:'''Pleakley''': And this is a catastrophe how?
:'''Lilo''': Only because I'm so not ready! Stitch, you stall him. Act like I'm too pretty to come to the door. And Pleakley, stay out of the way.
:'''Pleakley''': Oh, you won't even know I'm here! All of Galactic Federation observers, such as myself, are masters of the art of seamlessly blending in. 
:''[the doorbell rings]''
:'''Lilo''': That's him!
:'''Pleakley''': WAIT!! I'm not seamlessly blended in yet! I'm un-seamlessly un-blended!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo kicks Keoni out of the house after she finds out he really has a crush on Pleakley in his female disguise]''
:'''Lilo''': It's a world gone mad!
:'''Pleakley''': Lilo, it's called camouflage. He's supposed to think I'm an attractive Earth woman.
:'''Jumba''': ''[chuckles]'' Someone found Pleakley attractive?
:'''Lilo''': Not someone! &lt;big&gt; KEONI!!!&lt;/big&gt; Poor guy must have ear bugs eating his brain.
:'''Jumba''': Hmm, I fear it could be possibly something far in the way worse. Here, look your eyeballs on this. Is Experiment 323. It must have been activated, and is loose on island. One peck from its beak causes victim to fall head over feet in love with the very next person they see! ''[laughs maniacally but then falls off his chair]'' Lovesickness is very destructive. Can bring entire societies crashing to standstill.
:'''Lilo''': Oh! So, Keoni just got pecked by your [[w:Burning Love|Hunkahunka Bird of Love]] experiment.
:'''Jumba''': He is only thing could explain sensible tweenage boy having crush on one-eyed noodle like Pleakley.
:'''Pleakley''': Oh, and I suppose he couldn't have just fallen for my brilliant Earth female disguise.
:'''Lilo''': I don't think so.
:'''Jumba''': Impossible!
:'''Stitch''': Naga.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Pleakley approaches a group of surfers while dressed as a Spanish [[w:flamenco|flamenco dancer]]]''
:'''Pleakley''': Hi, boys. Could one of you help with some sunblock? ''[the surfers stare at him]'' That is a completely believable request from a beautiful Earth woman, right?
:'''Surfer''': Um... I guess so.
:'''Pleakley''': Good. Let me get out my lotion. ''[as he looks in his bag, his wig falls off]''
:'''Surfer''': No! I mean, on second thought, we gotta go catch some choice waves. Now! Seeya! ''[he and the other surfer dash away]''
:'''Pleakley''': Wait! Come back here! I'm beautiful! ''[sighs]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo is trying to ask Keoni to the dance]''
:'''Lilo''': So, Keoni, if you're going to the Lono-I-Ke-Aweawe, it's accustomed to bring a date.
:'''Keoni''': Yeah, I know. That's why I asked your Aunt Pleakley. She is such a hottie.
:'''Stitch''': ''[drags the cooler containing Hunkahunka toward Lilo]'' Maka maka, sassa!
:'''Lilo''': Not now, Stitch. I'm trying to get Keoni to ask me to the dance. ''[a rattle is heard from the cooler]'' Oh, you caught Hunkahunka! ''[picks up Hunkahunka]'' Perfect!
:'''Stitch''': Naga, naga!
:'''Lilo''': Keoni, do I have something in my teeth?
:'''Keoni''': Not that I can see. ''[Lilo puts Hunkahunka behind his neck, causing him to peck him and look straight at Lilo]'' I think I love you!
:'''Lilo''': Attaboy, Stitch! Good thinking.
:'''Stitch''': Aba tooka! ''[puts Hunkahunka back in the cooler]'' Cousin, home.
:'''Lilo''': Oh, we can find the one true place he truly belongs later. Right now, Keoni and I are gonna spend some quality time together. Right, Keoni?
:'''Keoni''': Whatever you say, Lilo.
:''[Stitch groans in frustation]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch returns home with Hunkahunka waiting in the cooler]''
:'''Jumba''': Ah, 626, good. Here you are. I have found antidote for lovesickness. Victim of 323 is affected by the proboscis injection in coordination with retinal stimuli. Therefore, a rehydration of optical nerves and surrounding sensory sensors will negate the effect.
:'''Stitch''': ''[confused]'' Huh?
:'''Jumba''': Spraying of water in face will cure lovesickness.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Lilo''': Hey, wanna play Skip Rocks? I'll go first, because I'm the lady.
:'''Keoni''': So, what do I do?
:'''Lilo''': Um, you have to skip a stone and see if you can win. ''[throws a flat stone that skips across the water]''
:'''Keoni''': Do you want me to win?
:'''Lilo''': Well, no.... I wanna win, that's the game.
:'''Keoni''': ''[simply picks up a large stone and drops into the water]'' You won!
:'''Lilo''': Yeah....

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch zaps Hunkahunka and puts him in the doorprize drawing box outside the Lono-I-Ke-Aweawe dance]''
:'''Lilo''': Stitch! Good thing you're here! Man, I never should have used Hunkahunka to peck Keoni. This fakey love is the worst! Did Jumba give you the antidote?
:'''Stitch''': Ih!
:'''Lilo''': Good. I need to get some to Keoni fast. Is it in here? ''[takes the box]''
:'''Stitch''': Naga! Naga! ''[as soon as the box opens, Hunkahunka flees into the dance room]'' Doonga!
:'''Lilo''': Oops. Well, how was I supposed to know? Why was it in a box?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu captures Hunkahunka and Stitch uses the fire alarm to break everybody out of their lovesickness]''
:'''Pleakley''': So it was all an experiment's fault. I guess my attractive Earth woman's camouflage was a miserable failure after all.
:'''Keoni''': Miss Pleakley? You look really nice tonight.
:'''Lilo''': Uh-oh. Keoni must not have gotten wet.
:'''Pleakley''': Time to get over it, kiddo. ''[sprays water into Keoni's face]''
:'''Keoni''': Wow. You're beautiful ''and'' quirky.
:'''Pleakley''': I am? I am, aren't I?! Woo-hoo! My camouflage is beautiful after all!
:'''Lilo''': Wow, Keoni had a real crush on Pleakley all along.
:'''Stitch''': Ooh! Naga botifa!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu transports Hunkahunka to Hämsterviel]''
:'''Hämsterviel''': You have an experiment? Give it to me! FASTER!!! Why are you so slow, you slow sharky thing?! You are the most incompetent of incompetence! And another I have been meaning to tell you... ''[Hunkahunka pecks him, causing him to feel a love connection with Gantu]'' I think I love you!
:'''Gantu''': Really? Tell me more.
:'''Hämsterviel''': Like that idiotic look on your face when you have no clue what you are doing, it is so disgustingly cute! And all those stupid things you say, oh, how you make me laugh! I love it!
:'''Gantu''': Oh, blitznack.

== ''Sample (Experiment 258)'' [1.34] ==
:''[Stitch receives a letter]''
:'''Stitch''': Mmm.... Akeba? ''[hands the letter to Lilo]''
:'''Lilo''': It's from the lady at the animal shelter where we adopted you. It says it's time for your shots.
:'''Stitch''': Oh, okay... BU-BYE!!! ''[dashes away]''
:'''Lilo''': Oh, no you don't! ''[chases after Stitch]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Lilo''': Stitch, come down! If you don't get your shots, you could catch a mutating virus!
:'''Stitch''' Naga shots! Ouchie!
:'''Lilo''': Okay. How about this? If you come down and get your shots, you can have coconut cake for breakfast? 
:'''Stitch''': Coconut cake ''and'' coffee?
:'''Lilo''': Deal!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu is listening to a self-motivating CD]''
:'''Instructor''': And in order to achieve success, you must never accept failure. Tell yourself that you are a door!
:'''Gantu''': I am a door. 
:'''Instructor''': Louder! Make you mama proud!
:'''Gantu''': I AM A DOOR!!
:'''625''': Hey, doo-boy, could you keep it down? I'm trying to savor a salami sub in here.
:'''Computer''': Warning. Experiment 258 activated. Primary function: sonic annoyance.
:'''Gantu''': Hmmm.... &quot;Drives people mad by sampling sounds and repeating them in an endless grating rhythm. 625, today I will be successful. I'm ordering you to not let me back in the ship unless I have captured that experiment. Remember, no matter what I say, no matter how much I implore you, do not let me back in unless I've captured the experiment.
:'''625''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, yeah. That'll work.
:'''Gantu''': I heard that! 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Susan calls in Merwin and Dean from the Alien Convention after receiving Sample]''
:'''Merwin''': We're here to see the something.
:'''Susan''': If you guys are alien hunters, why are you dressed like aliens?
:'''Dean''': Well, we're going to an alien's convention, and so my mom made me these costumes out of her old trailer on...
:'''Merwin''': ''[elbows Dean]'' Infiltrate and assimilate, ma'am. These costumes allow us to walk among the E.T.'s undetected.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Merwin and Dean chase Lilo and Stitch after they grab Sample]''
:'''Merwin''': So, thought you could hide, huh? Sorry, kids, this little alien is...
:'''Gantu''': Mine! 
:'''Merwin''': Another one!
:'''Dean''': And he's big! Outer-space big!
:'''Merwin''': Forget these little guys! Let's bag him!
:'''Stitch''': Okeetaka! ''[he and Lilo run off with Sample]''
:''[Merwin and Dean corner Gantu]''
:'''Gantu''': Out of my way, Earth forms!
:'''Dean''': ''[pointing his stick at Gantu]'' Hold it right there, alien!
:'''Gantu''': A plasma-converting pulse cannon 9000 series. The most feared weapon in the galaxy! Only one known counter-measure: ''RUN!!!'' ''[runs away]''
:'''Merwin''': That alien totally thinks your ray gun is real. What's it made of?
:'''Dean''': Toilet paper rolls and aluminum foil.
:'''Merwin''': Cool!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu runs back to his ship and bangs on the entrance]''
:'''Gantu''': 625, open the door!
:'''625''': Uh, where's the experiment?
:'''Gantu''': What?!
:'''625''': Sorry, squidly. Can't let you in without the experiment. Hey, your orders.
:'''Gantu''': By the fires of the planet Krimlatt, I'LL BREAK EVERY BONE IN YOUR--
:'''Merwin''': I think he went that way.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu captures Stitch and Sample and heads to the Alien Convention with Merwin and Dean]''
:'''Lilo''': Gantu, you can't let'em take you to the Alien Convention! They'll tell everybody you're an alien!
:'''Gantu''': Correction, they'll tell everybody ''you're'' aliens.
:'''Lilo''': But we made a deal.
:'''Gantu''': And I made a new deal. I affect your capture, you two appear in the alien demonstration of the convention, and they and then they hand 258 over to me.
:'''Stitch''': Egaba! Toobiteeba!
:'''Gantu''': Quiet, trog, or he'll turn that plasma cannon on you!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Jumba and Pleakley come to the Alien Convention; Pleakley is wearing Galactic Federation uniform]''
:'''Jumba''': Is my hair on straight?
:'''Pleakley''': That's better, but you don't need it. I feel completely at home here.
:'''Jumba''': Ha! You say. I think you are sticking out like sore thumb.
:''[as soon as they enter the convention, they see many people dressed as aliens]''
:'''Pleakley''': Greetings, fellow aliens!
:'''Jumba''': Then again, maybe is ''my'' that is sticking and soring.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Announcer''': Greetings, aliens and spacemen. Can I have your attention? Right on this stage, for a second year in a row, Merwin and Dean and their real live aliens from outer space! Space... space.. space...
:'''Fan''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, this oughta be good.
:'''Pleakley''': What's so special about aliens? We're all real live aliens here!
:'''Fan''': ''[fake cough]'' What a geek! 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Merwin''': Fellow believers, I, Merwin Finklestein, professional alien hunter, am proud to present, a real live alien!
:''[the curtain rises to reveal Gantu who failed to capture Stitch and Sample]''
:'''Gantu''': But we had a deal!
:'''Merwin''': Yeah, we did. But you let those other two get away, so you're going to take their place.
:'''Gantu''': Oh, you think so? ''[Dean points his stick at him]'' Okay, okay! Just be careful with that thing!
:'''Pleakley''': Oh, no! You were right! They're big nasty alien hunters with a big nasty plasma-converter pulse cannon, and you and I are in big trouble!
:'''Jumba''': Bah! Big hunters are big phonies, and so is gun. Looks like plasma-converter 9000 series, but is obvious fake.
:'''Lilo''': See, Stitch? Never bale out on a deal, because what goes around comes around.

== ''Babyfier (Experiment 151)'' [1.35] ==
:'''Nani''': You want to go see ''what''?!
:'''Lilo''': ''Sludge Mummies Episode 2: Attack of the Bones''.
:'''Nani''': But you didn't even see the first movie!
:'''Lilo''': Only because you wouldn't take me!
:'''Nani''': Hello, you were 3?!
:'''Lilo''': Mertle gets to see PG movies. Her mom goes with her.
:'''Nani''': Oh, and if Mertle's mom jumped off a cliff, I suppose you'd want me to do that too!
:'''Lilo''': Wow! Would you?
:'''Nani''': No! There will be no cliff-jumping and no ''Sludge Zombie'' movies!
:'''Lilo''': They're Sludge ''Mummies''!
:'''Nani''': Whatever!
:'''Mr. Jameson''': Ahem!
:'''Nani''': Lilo, look, I've got work to do. I said no movie, and I mean no movie.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Nani''': ''[to Stitch and Lilo; jeep beeps]'' Lilo, I told you no ''Sludge Mummy'' movies!
:'''Lilo''': Nani?! But I... I... I--I didn't--
:'''Nani''': Didn't think I'd come by and check? Well, you were wrong!
:'''Lilo''': Uh… ''[chuckles nervously]''
:''[Back at the Pelekai house, Lilo, Stitch and Nani enter as the sisters argue]''
:'''Stitch''': Oh, trouble coming.
:'''Nani''': I can't believe you disobeyed me! I said you couldn't see that movie!
:'''Lilo''': How come you're always telling me what to do?!
:'''Nani''': Because I'm the older sister here. I'm the babysitter.
:'''Lilo''': I am '''''NOT''''' a baby! And you're not an adult! You're just a grown-up!
:'''Nani''': Whatever! I'm responsible for you, Lilo. That means I'm all about what's best for you. So what I say ''goes.''
:'''Lilo''': You mean like a dictator?!
:'''Nani''': Go to your rooftop dome!
:'''Lilo''': ''[elevators up to her rooftop dome bedroom]'' I'm already there!
:''[Nani walks away, groaning in annoyed anger as Lilo screams in frustration]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch releases Babyfier, causing him to turn him, Nani, Jumba and Pleakley into infants; Lilo recaptures Babyfier]''
:'''Lilo''': Well, now that ''I'm'' the oldest, I guess I'm in charge. But what do I do?! ''[the babies stare at each other and then stare at Lilo]'' I guess adults just do whatever they wanna do. So... Let's go to the movies. Come on, gang!
:''[Lilo rushes out of the kitchen, but then stops to see Baby Jumba throwing eggs everywhere]''
:'''Baby Jumba''': ''[laughs]'' Whee! Evil! Ha, ha-ha!
:'''Lilo''': Jumba, no! I'm in charge now, and I say you have to stop playing evil and go to the movies with me.
:''[Lilo suddenly hears the dryer running]''
:'''Baby Nani''': Playtime! Playtime!
:'''Lilo''': ''[pulls Baby Nani out of a laundry basket]'' Nani, how many times have you told me, you can't play in the dryer. ''[Baby Stitch detaches the fridge door and starts eating it]'' Stitch, no!
:'''Baby Pleakley''': I made oops in my pants.
:'''Lilo''': ''[Baby Nani begins playing with the stove]'' Nani, no! ''[Baby Jumba throws an egg at her head]'' '''Jumba, no!''' ''[Baby Stitch begins to eat the whole refrigerator]'' STITCH, NO!!!
:'''Baby Pleakley''': I made more oops in my pants! ''[Baby Pleakley begins to cry, along with the other three babies]''
:'''Lilo''': I guess the movie's off. I'm a mother of four!
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Baby Nani and Stich fight over Scrump]''
*'''Baby Nani''': Mine!
:''[Lilo appears]''
:'''Lilo''': Stop it! ''[The scuffle caused her doll to break]'' Now she's gonna get surgery again. ''[to Nani and Stitch]'' You're both grounded! ''[both babies cried]'' This is all your fault! ''[?]'' Oh, no! Not Gantu! NOT NOW!! It's nap time!
:'''Gantu''': ?
:'''Lilo''': No! Leave it alone, you big dummy!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu captures Babyfier]''
:'''625''': A baby-making experiment? Hey, aren't humans capable of doing that that all by themselves?
:'''Gantu''': No, no, no. It turns grownups ''into'' babies.
:'''625''': Really?
:'''Gantu''': Yes, babies! Hey, I'm feeling a little peckish. How about making me a... ''[Babyfier has been released from the container]'' Hey, how'd you get out?! ''[Babyfier outmaneuvers Gantu and turns him into an infant, who begins to waddle around giggling]''
:'''625''': Sorry, G, I couldn't resist. I always wondered out like a guppy or a tadpole. Turns out you were just a smaller kind of ugly. Whoah! Aerial attack! ''[625 narrowly dodges Babyfier and tricks it into going up the elevator where it escapes]''
:'''Hämsterviel''': GANTU!!! Did my hamster eyes just see what I thought they saw?! The escape of yet another valuable experiment?! And why are you acting like a baby, you incompetent, lazy, oh-so-smelly, fish-footed-- 
:''[Baby Gantu cries; 625 runs up to comfort him]''
:'''625''': Hey, lighten up, Dr. H, will ya? Little Googoo here hasn't had his nap yet.
:'''Hämsterviel''': No, no, no! There will be no napping-apping babies! I want my experiments! So get going! GO, GO, GO!!!! ''[625 dashes out of the ship carrying Baby Gantu in a baby stroller]'' '''NOW, NOW, &lt;big&gt; NOOOOOOWWWWW!!!!&lt;/big&gt;'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Baby Stitch and Baby Gantu begin fighting over Babyfier]''
:'''Baby Stitch''': Mine!
:'''Baby Gantu''': Mine!
:'''Baby Stitch''': Mine!
:'''Baby Gantu''': Mine!
:'''Baby Stitch''': Miiiiine! ''[Gantu accidentally lets go, causing him to launch himself onto a slide]''
:'''625''': Be careful, little Googoo! Don't hurt the poor innocent slide!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Baby Jumba and Baby Pleakley sneak into Kiki's Coffee Shop to find 100% Kona Coffee to create the antidote for Babyfier's effects]''
:'''Baby Jumba''': Ach! Too many peoples. Must clear room somehow.
:'''Baby Pleakley''': Oops!
:''[as soon as the stench reaches everyone's noses, they all flee the shop and Kiki places a &quot;Enter at Own Risk&quot; sign on the door]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Baby Stitch launches the antidote into the sky, turning everyone in Kauai back to normal, including Nani]''
:'''Lilo''': You're back! Thank goodness I'm the little sister again. Being responsible is hard.
:'''Nani''': ''[chuckles]'' Yeah, but it can be pretty satisfying, when you raise a good kid.
:'''Lilo''': I am pretty good, huh?
:'''Nani''': Yep. In fact, I wanna reward you for being babysitter for a day. Let's go see some Sludge Mummies!
:'''Lilo''': ''Attack of the Bones''?! Really?!
:'''Nani''': Yeah. I kinda forgot what it was like to be a kid. Now I remember. When you gotta see a scary movie, you gotta see a scary movie.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Baby Gantu is crying loudly while 625 is calling on the phone]''
:'''625''': Hello, Baby Hotline? Yeah, hi. How do you burp a large shark-like alien baby? No, this isn't a joke! Wait, wait, don't hang up! I--- Oh, blitznack!

== ''Bonnie &amp; Clyde (Experiments 149 &amp; 150)'' [1.36] ==
:''[Note: This episode misnumbers Bonnie and Clyde as 349 and 350, respectively]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Nani''': ''[enraged]'' LILO, YOU LOLO! ''[Stitch spits out Scrump and he and Lilo rush toward the window, pushing pillows in their faces]'' Lilo, Stitch! Yesterday, I told you no running around the house! So what do you do? You run around the house! Last week, I told you to clean your room! Is it clean? No! What's gonna be next with you?!
:'''Jumba''': She almost made me drop my highly unstable container of uflasium.
:'''Nani''': Well, what do you have to say for yourselves?
:'''Lilo''': Uh, well, I ate breakfast like you asked, and I can prove it. ''[belches without saying &quot;Excuse me&quot; and Stitch laughs]''
:'''Nani''': And you're supposed to say &quot;Excuse me&quot; when you burp! That does it, you two are grounded for 24 hours! ''[storms off]''
:'''Lilo''': ''[crossing her arms]'' What's the big deal? We didn't hurt anyone.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch is about to go out through the window]''
:'''Stitch''': Keetooka naga!
:'''Lilo''': Where are you going? ''[grabs Stitch's ankle]''
:'''Stitch''': Keetooka naga!
:'''Lilo''': We can't leave! We're grounded!
:'''Stitch''': Maka maka, sasa!
:'''Lilo''': I don't care if it's a free country! Nani would roast us! And I don't care if we should be able to do whatever we wanna do whenever we wanna do it. We can't leave. So... So... What are you waiting for?! Help me up!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch track down Bonnie and Clyde into an abandoned factory]''
:'''Lilo''': We've got you cornered, cousins!
:'''Bonnie''': Reeeaaally? I think it's us got the drop on ''you'', cuz!
:''[Stitch growls at her]''
:'''Bonnie''': Whoa, there, blue boy. One of Jumba's, huh?
:'''Lilo''': Hi, I'm Lilo, and this is Stitch. He's your cousin. This is how it works: I turn you from bad to good, and find the one place where you belong, so you don't end up with Gantu.
:'''Bonnie''': Waddya you know about Gantu?
:'''Lilo''': We know everything about him. He's a stinky-head. And he tries to get our experiments, but he's really lame. So even when he catches them and takes them back to his ship, we can usually rescue him.
:'''Bonnie''': You've broken into his ship?
:'''Lilo''': Sure, lots of times.
:'''Bonnie''': No kiddin'! Hey, I'm being rude! Come in, come in! I'm 349 and he's 350. Welcome to our domicile.
:'''Clyde''': What are you doing?! You showin'em our hideout! I don't think--
:'''Bonnie''': How many times I gotta tell ya?! Leave the tinkin' to me! Those two goody-goodies are gonna help us brake into that very high-tech, very valuable spaceship!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after Lilo, Stitch, Bonnie and Clyde narrowly escape Gantu's ship]''
:'''Bonnie''': I gotta hand it to you kid, that was quite the escape. You two got great criminal minds.
:'''Lilo''': When did we cross the big fat line from &quot;having fun&quot; to &quot;being great criminal minds&quot;?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo, Stitch &amp; Pleakley successfully capture Bonnie and Clyde despite Nani's warning not to leave the house]''
:'''Lilo''': Sorry we disobeyed you again. We had to catch the bad guys. So... Are we off the hook?
:''[Nani looks at Officer Kahiko, who smiles at her]''
:'''Nani''': Well, you were trying to do the right thing, and you did get the bad guys. So... yeah. You and me are cool.
:'''Officer Kahiko''': But, you and the municipality of Kokaua Town, that's another story.

== ''Slugger (Experiment 608)'' [1.37] ==
:''[Lilo is addressing to her softball team, which consists of Stitch, Jumba, Yin, Yang, Richter, Kixx, and Splodyhead]''
:'''Lilo''': Alright, men, and evil geniuses, and genetic mutants from outer space. We are here today for one purpose and one purpose only: to destroy Mertle's softball team! So let's get out there and really tear up the basepads! ''[Stitch dashes out to the fields and starts ripping the bases apart]'' I didn't mean that literally, Stitch.
:'''Jumba''': Eh, question. Once team is beaten, do losers become our servants for life?
:'''Lilo''': What?! No!
:'''Jumba''': Hmm, is how team sports work on my planet.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch shoves a crate on Gantu's head, causing him to drop Slugger]''
:'''Lilo''': Hey, there, little guy. We're not going to hurt you. We're here to give you a new home. But see that guy over there? ''[points to Gantu, who still has the crate over his head]''
:'''Gantu''': I'm going to vaporize you, trog, just as soon as I can see you!
:''[Slugger nods while snorting]''
:'''Lilo''': Well, if you come with us, we'll keep you safe from him. Okay? ''[holds Slugger's hand]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch tests out Slugger's batting skills by throwing avocados at him]''
:'''Lilo''': Coconuts, avocados, wow he really likes to bat things around.
:''[Slugger accidentally splats and avocado on a picture, which Stitch licks clean]''
:'''Stitch''': Mmmm, guacamole!
:'''Jumba''': Experiment 608 will swat at many different things. In addition to deflecting airborne projectiles launched at enemies, he is also programmed to swat away balls, toys and fruit thrown over fence by annoying neighbor children.
:'''Lilo''': He hits balls? Tomorrow, Lilo's Lasers hit the practice field! We're gonna beat Mertle's team yet!
:'''Pleakley''': Ooh, for the rematch, will we be the home team or the away team? Because according to my research, the home team wears a white uniform while the...
:'''Lilo''': Uh... You know what, Pleakley? It's just practice. And you're so good already, that you don't have to come.
:'''Pleakley''': ''[hurt]'' Oh, okay, thanks.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Mertle agrees to give Gantu Slugger in exchange for him being in her team]''
:'''Mertle''': Hey, Weirdlo! Ready to meet your doom?
:'''Gantu''': We're going to destroy you.
:'''Lilo''': You're cheating! You put Gantu on your team!
:'''Mertle''': So? You have a new player, too!
:'''Lilo''': It's not the same.
:'''Mertle''': You're just scared!
:'''Lilo''': I'm not scared!
:'''Mertle''': Then let's sweeten the bet: Whoever wins, gets ''him''! ''[points to Slugger]''
:'''Lilo''': Slugger?! I bet I know whose idea that is. ''[looks up at Gantu, chuckling evilly]'' You're on! I'll even have you first at bat.
:'''Mertle''': Who said we were playing baseball? I thought we'd play ''basketball'' this time.
:'''Lilo''': What?!
:'''Mertle''': You did say any time, any place, any game!
:'''Lilo''': I... I did?!
:'''Stitch''': Ih. You did.
:'''Lilo''': But I... I didn't mean to!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo's Lasers had thanks to Pleakley's amazing basketball skills]''
:'''Lilo''': Pleakley, I just wanna say thanks for being loyal to me. It made me realize I should've support you when you were on my baseball team.
:'''Pleakley''': Oh, I don't blame you one little bit. I was awful at baseball!
:'''Lilo''': It doesn't matter. Loyalty to your friends is way more important than winning. It's even more important than a stack of Elvis records.
:'''Pleakley''': Please, I'm getting all teary.
:'''Lilo''': You didn't tell us you can play B-ball though.
:'''Pleakley''': It turns out that Earth basketball is is virtually identical to Priznolaprack on my home planet. I was a four-time Priznolaprack grand champion.
:'''Lilo''': Well, thanks to you, we got to keep Slugger, and help him find his one true place.
:''[Lilo shows how Slugger is helping the softball coach show the kids how to bat]''

== ''Bad Stitch'' [1.38] ==
:''[Note: No new experiments appear in this episode]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Hämsterviel contacts Gantu while he is playing with this bath toys]''
:'''Hämsterviel''': Gantu!
:'''Gantu''': Doctor Hämsterviel! I was just practicing my tactical maneuvers.
:'''Hämsterviel''': I do not care about you plastic amusements! It is your failures at capturing my experiments that sickens me to the bone!
:'''Gantu''': But, sir, it's not my fault. It's that abomination 626 and that young female Earth form...
:'''Hämsterviel''': &lt;big&gt;'''SILENCE!!!'''&lt;/big&gt; You're good at nothing but the pathetic excuses. That is why I am giving you job to someone infinitely more competent!
:'''Gantu''': More competent?! But, I...
:'''Hämsterviel''': You failed me, Gantu! As of this moment, you are fired!
:'''Gantu''': But you can't fire me!
:'''625''': Ouch, hurts to be you. Listen, a word of advice: Before you go looking for a new job, put on some pants. ''[Gantu smashes his bath toys in rage]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch are playing checkers]''
:'''Nani''': '''LILO!!!'''
:'''Lilo''': Uh-oh. Nanisaurus Rex is on the rampage again.
:'''Nani''': Look at these bills! $20 to fixed the window Stitch broke, $60 for the new door for the refrigerator, $200 for Mr. Koakini's broken gas grill?!
:'''Lilo''': It was an emergency gas grilling situation. ''And'' we caught the experiment.
:'''Nani''': That's great, honey, but that's not gonna pay these bills and that means no hula lessons this month.
:'''Lilo''': But I need my hula lessons. For self-esteen, personal growth, and development. See? ''[gestures to her trophy, which is broken in two]'' I--
:'''Nani''': Oh, no! He even broke...
:'''Lilo''': My hula trophy. ''[Stitch uses his saliva to try to glue the pieces back togetherness, but they immediately fells off the piece]''
:'''Nani''': ''[to Stitch and Lilo]'' Ok. That does it! I have had it up to here with the little blue wrecking ball.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Pleakley has just finished with his plan to make money in order to pay the bills]''
:'''Pleakley''': And now, the moment we've all been waiting for. The money-making miracle of the ages! ''[pulls off the tarp to reveal a lemonade stand sign]'' Ta-da...lemonade!
:'''Lilo''': That's it? That's your big idea? A lemonade stand?
:'''Pleakley''': Lemonade stands appear on all your Earth cartoons, and every situation comedy ever written. It's brilliant! Cliche but brilliant! What do you think? ''[Lilo leaves]'' Lilo?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Hämsterviel captures Stitch and reverts him to his original evil programming; Gantu enters]''
:'''Gantu''': Hello, I'm here about the ad for aliens. ''I'm'' an alien.
:'''Professor''': You're a fired alien! That's what you are!
:'''Gantu''': Fired?! What, how would you-- ''[Hämsterviel pops out of the Professor disguise]'' Dr. Hämsterviel?! You're suppose to be in prison!
:'''Hämsterviel''': Three-day furlough! Just enough time to hire a new assistant! ''[points to Stitch]''
:'''Gantu''': The abomination!
:'''Hämsterviel''': Yes! With 626's destructive programming in place, he will help me capture the other experiments! You will not! Goodbye! ''[the door quickly shuts]''
:'''Gantu''': But... 
:''[the door opens quickly and Hämsterviel snatches Gantu's flyer]''
:'''Hämsterviel''': Give me that! I recycle! ''[slams the door again]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch tricks Hämsterviel by smashing a floorboard on his disguise]''
:'''Stitch''': Stitch good?
:'''Lilo''': Very good! Even without the water bottle of karmic cleansing.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Lilo and Stitch return home]''
:'''Stitch''': ''[pulls out Lilo's fixed hula trophy]'' Agata!
:'''Lilo''': You fixed it! I think it looks better this way.
:'''Nani''': Lilo, I'm home!
:'''Lilo''': Stitch fixed my hula trophy! And this time he used ''real'' glue.
:'''Nani''': Why, thank you, Stitch. Looks like that Zen of Dog Training really paid off.
:'''Lilo''': Not really. He found the path of goodness all by himself.
:''[a shatter sound is heard; Nani looks in the living room to find it a total mess]''
:'''Nani''': What happened?!
:'''Lilo''': Um, the path kinda went through the living room. We had a little trouble finding the glue.
:''[Nani faints; Stitch laughs]''

== ''Drowsy (Experiment 360)'' [1.39] ==
:''[Note: [[w:Regis Philbin|Regis Philbin]] makes a special guest role as the voice of himself]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Jumba has Pleakley do his paperwork while he goes surfing with David]''
:'''Jumba''': This is lucky day for you, my one-eyed friend.
:'''Pleakley''': Ooh! Is today the once-a-year sale in Tessy's Dressies?
:'''Jumba''': No. I have decided to promote you to assistant evil genius!
:'''Pleakley''': I wasn't aware I was even in the chain of command! What exactly does the position entail?
:'''Jumba''': Little girl recovered new experiment pods. They need to be identified, registered, labeled, and categorized.
:'''Pleakley''': Eh... how much did you say this evil genius stuff pays?
:'''Jumba''': For you, zero, but looks very good on resume.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Gantu and 625 are fast asleep]''
:'''Computer''': Warning. Experiment 360 activated. Primary function: sleep inducer.
:'''Gantu''': ''[covers the computer with a pillow]'' Just five more minutes, mother.
:'''Hämsterviel''': WAKE UP, YOU SQUID-LIP EXCUSE FOR A MOLLUSK!! A pod has been activated!
:'''Gantu''': But sir, it's the middle of the nocturnal Earth cycle.
:'''Hämsterviel''': Shh, do you hear that? It's the sound of &lt;big&gt;'''I DON'T CARE!!!'''&lt;/big&gt; I got big plans for tomorrow, so there is no time for beauty sleep!
:'''625''': ''[yawns]'' Too bad, he really needs it.
:'''Gantu''': What big plans, sir?
:'''Hämsterviel''': I have been monitoring Earth's television transmissions for over a month. And I believe I've identified the most powerful, influential human on the planet! He is always on the TV, obviously using mind control to mesmerize the Earthlings! And in two days time, you are going to capture him for me! ''[laughs maniacally]'' 
:'''Gantu''': Really? Who? How?
:'''Hämsterviel''': Just bring the new experiment!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Stitch uses Drowsy to help Lilo fall asleep, but now Lilo can't wake up; Stitch puts sunglasses on Lilo and uses her sleeping body as a puppet to do her errands]''
:'''Pleakley''': Ah, Lilo! Just in time for some processed grain with dehydrated fruity bits.
:'''Stitch''': ''[imitates Lilo]'' Uh, not for me. Stitch. ''[normal voice]'' Naga. Naga ti chita. ''[imitates Lilo]'' Okay! Um... bye! ''[drags Lilo to Mrs. Hasagawa's fruit stand]''
:'''Jumba''': &lt;big&gt;'''''WHERE IS EXPERIMENT 360?!?'''''&lt;/big&gt; 
:'''Pleakley''': I don't know!
:'''Jumba''': What?! It didn't just get up and walk away!
:''[they both see Drowsy walking past them with a blanket covering himself]''
:'''Pleakley''': Eh, I should use less starch in the laundry?
:'''Jumba''': Is not laundry! Is my experiment!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after Stitch successfully uses Lilo as a puppet to perform her hula dance]''
:'''Mertle''': That was the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen.
:'''Mr. Jameson''': That was the most incredible thing I've ever seen! Unique! Daring! Original! You're Nani's sister, aren't you? ''[hands Stitch a card]'' I could use your help. A very important guest is coming here tomorrow, and I'd like you to be our aloha greeter at the airport.
:'''Stitch''': But--
:'''Mr. Jameson''': I will not take no for an answer! I'm gonna be late for the meeting! Here's the info, good luck!
:'''Stitch''': Oh, shoota!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[after Lilo wakes up thanks to Jumba, she and Stitch tries to protect Regis Philbin from Gantu and 625]''
:'''Regis Philbin''': I think I've figured out what's going on.
:'''Lilo''': ''[nervously]'' Wh-what do you mean?
:'''Regis Philbin''': I'm not completely oblivious, you know. You and Stitch have been protecting from autograph hunters ever since I got here.
:'''Lilo''': We?! Oh, drat! You've figured it out! Well, there's one other Hawaiian tradition we haven't told you about: Hanai.
:'''Regis Philbin''': Hanai? What's that?
:'''Lilo''': It's when you welcome a stranger into your home. My house is not as nice as this hotel, but no one will think to look for you there.
:'''Regis Philbin''': Okay! Just one condition: you get some rest, too. You've been working too hard.
:'''Lilo''': It's a deal! In fact, I think it's time everyone had a good snooze. Me, Pleakley, Nani, Jumba... ''[Stitch yawns and lies down on the floor]'' ...and Drowsy here can help.

==External links==
[[Category:Lilo &amp; Stitch: The Series seasons and films]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Pokémon/Season 25</title>
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      <timestamp>2026-05-19T04:18:14Z</timestamp>
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      <comment>/* The Rainbow and the Pokémon Master! */</comment>
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      <text bytes="107572" sha1="rjg3oy3589dvae57o2gb52jbicl01kb" xml:space="preserve">----
{{Pokémon header}}
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This is a list of episodes in Pokémon Ultimate Journeys: The Series, the twenty-fifth season of the Pokémon animated series (ポケットモンスター Poketto Monsutā?, Pokét Monsters), covering the adventures of series protagonist Ash Ketchum and his new travelling companion Goh as they travel around the Pokémon world, based at the Cerise Research Laboratory in Vermilion City in the Kanto region.

==The Spectral Express!==

==The Winding Path to Greatness==

==It's All in the Name!==
:''[Note: This episode is dedicated in memory of Ren's voice actor, Billy Kametz, who passed away on June 9, 2022, shortly after recording this episode]''

:'''Ash''': Hey, whatcha got in the box, Ren?
:'''Ren''': After being out for repairs, it's finally back. A lamp that Francois really loves! ''[after plugging it in]'' Come on out! It's lunchtime!
:'''Francois/ Magnemite''': Magnemite! [Alright!] ''[begins absorbing the electricity from the lamp]''

==Suffering the Flings and Arrows!==
:''[Note: This episode was to apologize to fans for making Erika a jerk and an irresponsible Gym Leader in the original series. Granted, Ash was rude back then, but still. As of this episode, fans have finally forgave the writers for this serious offence in the original series.]''

:'''Erika''': Welcome to the Celadon Gym. Nice to meet you. My name is Erika, the Gym Leader.
:'''Ash, Goh and Chloe''': Hi there, it's a pleasure to see you.
:'''Erika''': Thank you. ''[recognizes Ash]'' Oh my, don't I know you?
:'''Ash''': ''[a bit nervous]'' That's right, I'm Ash.
:'''Erika''': I recognize you now. Hi Ash! ''[cut to flashback where Ash rescued her Gloom from the fire]'' You helped rescue all the Pokémon after the Gym caught fire. I want to thank you again. You did a really wonderful thing!
:'''Ash''': Aww...
:'''Goh''': Ash, you really did that? ''[It does hint that neither Ash nor Erika were proud of making a bad first impression of each other since they don't mention the issues that caused the Celadon Gym to get caught on fire to Goh or Chloe]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Goh has decided to decorate flowers on Pinsir to make Heracross and Pinsir a happy couple, only to attract the attention of Erika]''
:'''Erika''': A happy couple?! ''[starts to get mad. Don't you remember what you did wrong in the original series when you acted like that?!]'' Could it be you want to use Pokémon flower arranging for romance?!
:'''Goh''': ''[getting nervous]'' Uhhh...well, it's just that... ''[in his mind]'' Am I doing this for the wrong reasons?!
:''[a brief stare down later]''
:'''Erika''': ''[getting cheerful again...whew]'' I think that's wonderful! A trainer would want to see their Pokémon be happy! I insist that you two allow me to help you out!

==The Good, The Bad and The Lucky!==
:''[Note: Since fans were curious as to why Cassidy and Butch were replaced by Matori at the end of the Diamond and Pearl series, fans get to know what became of the two]''

:'''Cassidy''': Relax, it's not going anywhere and there's more where that came from.
:'''Raticate''': Raticate! [Please, enjoy!]
:'''Jessie''': This is scrumpty! 
:'''James''': It's not everyday that a complete stranger would come and save our lives! ''[suddenly recognizes Cassidy]'' Time out! I've seen you before!
:'''Cassidy''': Normally, I wouldn't respond to that but I'll be glad to show you who you are dealing with.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The Team Rocket learn that the cafe owner is none other than Cassidy!]'' 
:'''The Gang''': Cassidy?!
:'''Jessie''': What are you doing in a place like this?!
:'''James''': I venture in a guess that you are on some super secret Team Rocket mission! Am I right?
:'''Cassidy''': Missed it by a mile. I quit. ''[The gang are confused]'' 
:'''Jessie''': My leg's been pulled by a mile quite enough.
:'''Cassidy''': Team Rocket was part of my life but it wasn't all. 
:'''James''': Things besides Team Rocket?
:'''Meowth''': Just what do you mean?
:'''Cassidy''': It's true we were elite members, miles above you, but all those failed mission reports- awful! The grind had simply worn us down.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[A familiar face and voice steps out of the bakery. It's Butch who also quit Team Rocket!]''
:'''Butch''': ''[excited]'' We have customers? ''[shocked to see Jessie, Wobbuffet and Meowth]'' IT CAN'T BE YOU!
:'''Jessie''': So, who are you?
:'''Butch''': Normally, I wouldn't answer that but I'm glad to show you...''[the gang freak out]''
:'''Jessie''': Botch, it's you!
:'''Butch''': The name's Butch, okay?! The name is BUTCH!
:''[Later, Jessie, Wobbuffet and Meowth are enjoying bread Butch gave them]''
:'''Jessie''': Yum! What is this?
:'''Meowth''': It rocks my world!
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobbuffet! [So delicious!]
:'''Butch''': Ehh...to tell the truth...
:'''Jessie''': Don't say another word. All those lousy, loser reports and the grind had simply worn you down, right?
:'''Butch''': ''[a bit annoyed]'' Look, it's my story to tell so let me talk.
:'''Meowth''': Cassidy gave us the lowdown.
:'''Butch''': Huh? You already met with her?
:'''Jessie''': Butch, we like to pay for that yummy food you gave us by working for it.
:'''Butch''': THE NAME IS BOTCH! ''[realizes that Jessie pronounced his name correctly]'' Hmmm...she's right.

==Lighting the Way Home!==
==An Evolution in Taste!==
==Out of Their Elements!==
==Battling Turned Up to Eleven!==
:''[Ash and Goh arrived in Spikemuth after being tricked by Team Yell that the World Coronation series match is here. The city is dark and empty. Not a good place to have a World Coronation series match...]''
:'''Ash''': We're going to have a battle here? ''[Even Pikachu is baffled]''
:'''Goh''': Yep, apparently the directions Team Yell gave us lead right to this location. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Piers''': ROCK AND ROLL! ''[while practing with his Rillaboom, two Toxtricity and Obstagoon]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Both Pikachu's Thunderbolt and Toxtricity's Discharge attacks cancel each other out]''
:'''Ash''': Hey, that wasn't nice!
:'''Piers''': We're in the middle of a rehearsal, so no one is allowed inside.
:'''Goh''': But hold on, isn't this a gym? 
:'''Piers''': It's our gym, it's our stage. Spikemuth Gym. I'm the Gym Leader here, a real genius with Dark types. Mournful Piers is what the fans call me! Now meet the band! On backing vocals, Obstagoon! ''[Obstagoon screams like the band members of KISS]'' On drums, Rillaboom! On guitar, Toxtricity (Amped form)! On bass, Toxtricity (Low-key form)! 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Ash''': I'm here for the World Coronation series! My name is Ash! I'm battling today! 
:'''Piers''': Wait, your name is Ash? Are you in the Ultra Class? And you are from the Kanto region?
:'''Ash''': Right, so you're saying you've heard of me?
:'''Goh''': Wow Ash! You're famous!
:'''Piers''': That's weird. Marnie should be waiting for you over at Wyndon Stadium.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[A weary Piers sighs in annoyance, hinting that Team Yell has a bad habit of sabotaging Marnie's opponents. Good thing Piers is a Team leader that is not a villain.]''
:'''Piers''': They're part of our crew. Sorry if they messed you up.
:'''Ash''': So, how do you know about Marnie?
:'''Piers''': She's my little sister.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Marnie''': No, I can't do that! ''[accept a default win]'' I want a real battle, you hear me? I'm gonna wait.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Marnie learns that her fanclub, Team Yell, attempted sabotage from Ash]''
:'''Marnie''': ''[to Team Yell]'' SHUT YOUR BIG YAPS! ''[to Ash]'' Hey, did that lot really lie to you?
:'''Ash''': Uh-huh. They said the match was somewhere else. Thankfully, Piers drove me here, himself.
:'''Marnie''': My bro did that?
:'''Team Yell grunt''': We really wanted you to win, Marnie! You win and it'll help Spikemuth out, don't you see that?
:'''Marnie''': Not if I win that way! ''[The Team Yell grunts all freak out. You know you did wrong when your idol chews you out for your actions]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Marnie does the friendly smile pose just like in the games]''
:'''Marnie''': Thanks for today. I loved our match. But mark my words, Ash. I won't lose again! 
:'''Ash''': ''[nods in agreement and shakes Marnie's hand]'' We'll both do our best!
:'''Pikachu''': Pikachu! [Take care, Marnie!]

==Meeting Up with the Monarch!==
:''[two kids are running to watch the show]''
:'''Boy 1''': We got to hurry, Leon's battle has already started! 
:'''Boy 2''': Yeah, I know!
:'''Ash''': Huh, Leon's having a battle! Wait a second! Hang on.
:'''Boy 1''': Huh? You beat Marnie yesterday!
:'''Boy 2''': We saw it all! You were really strong! ''[hmmm...Ash is sure becoming more famous...]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Flint''': ''[recalls his defeated Infernape]'' That's why you're the Champion. Thank you. ''[shakes Leon's hand. Back to training, Flint...]''
:'''Leon''': Good battle. Let's do it again. ''[sounds a lot like Ash would say...]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Goh asks Sonia about what Leon is like]''
:'''Sonia''': Let me see...He can't sit still when he sees a Pokémon, kind of like a really big kid who just loves all of them.
:'''Goh''': A kid who really loves Pokémon? You know, that sounds just like Ash.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Goh questions Sonia about Leon's early life]''
:'''Sonia''': I'll tell you. Leon didn't have many friends when he was small. 
:'''Goh''': Really, why is that?
:'''Sonia''': He was probably too busy caring for his little brother [Hop] or doing chores which didn't leave him much time to play with his classmates. But I was his friend, so he saw me now and again. But one day, he befriended Charmander. And as he learned about Pokémon battles, suddenly friends, rivals, and all sorts of people surrounded him. I guess you could say that Pokémon truly expanded Leon's world! 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The drawback of being a Champion.]''
:'''Ash''': Hey Leon, what's it like to be a Champion, anyways?
:'''Leon''': ''[a bit glum]'' I'm scared all the time.
:'''Ash''': Huh?
:'''Leon''': I've never lost a Pokémon battle before. And that scares me a lot. I'm scared I reached my limit and I can't grow anymore, that I can't get any stronger than I am now. ''[cut to a flashback of the Darkest Day arc]'' But when that happened...
:'''Ash''': ''[flashback]'' The sky!
:'''Goh''': ''[flashback]'' Could that be Eternatus?
:'''Leon''': ''[continuing the narration]'' I tried, but I couldn't put a scratch on Eternatus. ''[goes back to the present]'' I was frustrated but excited at the same time. There are still many in this world that are much stronger than I am. But, I'm still chasing after them! I've got a lot of work to do to grow stronger!

==A One-Stick Wonder!==
:''[Note: Many fans still insist that Ash should have gotten Thwackey as to make up for not getting Grookey and continue the tradition of giving Ash a starter. However, current generation starters are not allowed to double up between main protagonists because it will get confusing and people will accuse the writers of playing favourites. Also, Ash is still a region Champion thus giving a starter will still be seen as a large downgrade in Ash's skill]''

:'''Goh''': The Wild Area offers a chance to catch unlimited Pokémon! Or at least that's what I thought...''[it's revealed that Grookey ruined Goh's chance of getting an Applin, causing it to run away]'' Grookey, you could be a little less rambunctious.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Goh notices that the Thwackey has only one stick instead of two]''
:'''Goh''': Huh? It should have two sticks. ''[The one-stick Thwackey runs off]''
:'''Ash''': Oh look, it's getting away!
:'''Goh''': ''[throws the Pokéball at the Thwackey. Really, Goh?! You can't be bothered to evolve your own Grookey?!]'' Poké-ball, go! ''[Thwackey swats it away]'' What are you- ''[rightfully gets hit in the face with the Poké-ball.]''

==Battling in the Freezing Raid!==
==The Future is Now, Thanks to Strategy!==
:''[As Ash heads to Lumiose Gym, he sees a television that is promoting an upcoming event which is none other than Ash's World Coronation series match against Drasna, the Dragon-type user of the Kalos Elite Four]''
:'''Announcer on TV''': It's the Pokémon World Coronation Series Ultra Class! And for tomorrow's match, we'll bring you the 12th ranked competitor, Drasna! And...''[Ash's face appears on the television screen much to Ash &amp; Pikachu's shock]''
:'''Ash''': Ahhh! That's me!
:'''Announcer on TV''': A rising star from Kanto who has been climbing his way up the ranks at number 15, Ash! It's almost time, right, Drasna? ''[Nice that Ash is getting acknowledgement for his accomplishments, yet they still don't mention that he's Alola Champion?]''
:'''Drasna''': I believe Ash is extremely talented which makes me very happy to compete against him!
:'''Announcer on TV''': Well, folks, you heard it here first. We've been speaking to Drasna. Thanks again! ''[The report ends and cuts to a picture of Diantha and her Gardevoir.]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Ash''': Clemont!
:'''Pikachu''': Pika! (Clemont!)
:'''Clemont''': Ash! Pikachu! Great to see you!
:''[Pikachu goes up to Luxray and they bump fists, which are sparking electricity.]''
:'''Pikachu''': Pikachu! (Hey, Luxray!)
:'''Luxray''': Luxray. (Long time no see, Pikachu.)
:'''Clemont''': Your opponent really surprised me! You're battling ''the'' Drasna of the Elite Four!
:'''Ash''': Uh-huh! And my Pokémon are so psyched!
:'''Clemont''': So, for old time's sake...
:'''Both Ash and Clemont''': Everybody, come on out! ''[Ash's team appears alongside Clemont's Chespin and... his newly evolved Diggersby!]''
:'''Clemont''': ''[Dragonite excitedly hugs Clemont]'' Wow! It's Dragonite! ''[Dracovish starts nibbling on Ash's head]'' Who's that Pokémon?!
:'''Ash''': Its name is Dracovish. It was restored from fossils found in Galar! I think it's kinda rare.
:'''Clemont''': Hi! Nice to meet you!
:''[Ash notices that Clemont's Bunnelby is now a Diggersby, who is playing with Pikachu and Chespin]''
:'''Ash''': Diggersby?
:'''Clemont''': Right! My Bunnelby finally evolved!
:'''Diggersby''': Diggersby! Diggersby! (What do you think? Like my new look?)

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Goh''': Now, the route from here to Lumiose City Gym…
:'''Bonnie''': I'm going to Lumiose City Gym, too!
:'''Goh''': Really?
:'''Bonnie''': It's my brother's gym.
:'''Goh''': Nice. Your brother?!
:'''Bonnie''': Yeah!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Somewhere in the Castle of Chivalry, Drasna and her Altaria are practicing with Wikstrom and Escavalier...]''
:'''Drasna''': Just the cutting edge I expect. Great, Wikstrom!
:'''Wikstrom''': I return the words of praise. I'll never lower my guard!

==Taking Two For The Team!==
:'''Wikstrom''': Madam Drasna has truly been looking forward to offering you her greetings.
:'''Drasna''': Nice to meet you. Now Altaria, please say hello, too.
:'''Altaria''': Altaria! [Hello!] ''[begins spinning around]'' Taria! Taria! Altaria! [Wee-hee-hee! It's a pleasure to meet you!]
:'''Drasna''': Simply beautiful! Altaria is my number one Pokémon partner. We both wish you and yours the very best!
:'''Ash''':  ''[nervously]'' Gee, thanks! Right backatcha! Let's have a great match! ''[extends his hand to Drasna]''
:'''Drasna''': ''[accepts the handshake]'' I've done quite a bit of research on your battle history. ''[starts to crush Ash's hand...and gets a bit sinister]'' However, your series of easy wins is over as of this day. 
:'''Pikachu''': Pi! Pi-Pika? [Yikes, she's that threatening?!]
:'''Drasna''': ''[reverts to her cheery self]'' And so I bid you a good day! ''[heads off to the stadium with her Altaria. We all know Ash's bad track record when battling Elite Four members up until this point.]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Drasna''': What did you think of them, Altaria?
:'''Altaria''': Altaria! [They don't scare us!]
:'''Drasna''': Today's battle looks to be most enjoyable.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Goh''': She looks like a nice person.
:'''Grookey''': Grookey-key! [My thoughts exactly!]
:'''Clemont''': Not a chance. She fools everyone with that smile of hers.
:'''Bonnie''': And you can trust what my brother says. He didn't stand a chance against her!
:'''Dedenne''': Denne! [That bad!]
:'''Clemont''': You could've stopped before the last part!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Dracovish tries to use Ice Fang but Altaria counters with Cotton Guard causing Dracovish to fly backwards. Altaria is 4x weak to Ice...what is going on here?]''
:'''Drasna''': Aren't those feathers wonderful? They're protection for Altaria from high damaging hits. ''[Ash growls in frustration]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Dracovish uses Water Gun to soak Mega Altaria and cancel Sky Attack]''
:'''Drasna''': ''[opens her eyes where it is revealed they are black just like her hair]'' Alright, now you've done it!
:'''Ash''': Alright! Wrap it up! Use Dragon Rush!
:'''Clemont''': ''[senses something wrong since Ash never fought a Mega Altaria before]'' Don't do that, Ash! NO!
:''[Dracovish does hit Mega Altaria but it causes Dracovish to fly backwards again. Pikachu exclaims in shock. You know what that means...]''
:'''Ash''': Didn't do a thing!
:'''Announcer''': Mega Altaria took no damage at all!
:'''Goh''': How is that possible?!
:'''Clemont''': When Altaria Mega evolves, it changes from a Dragon and Flying type... 
:'''Drasna''': ...and into a Dragon and '''Fairy''' type! Everything is going exactly as I planned in the first place!
:'''Ash''': Augh! Dragon-type attacks don't affect Fairy-type Pokémon.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Drasna's Noivern collapses from exhaustion]''
:'''Rotom Drone''': Noivern is unable to battle! Dracovish is the winner, which means the victory goes to Ash! ''[You did it, Ash! You finally defeated a member of the Elite Four!]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Announcer''': Ash has risen to 9th place in the Ultra Class! ''[Now, if Ash wants to reach the Masters 8, he has to defeat a member from the Masters 8 who is ranked 8th place. Be ready for your next challenge, Ash.]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Drasna''': Congratulations! Your Ultra Class ranking has risen to ninth. 
:'''Ash''': Thank you so much! ''[Both Ash and Drasna shake hands]''
:'''Drasna''': But it won't be quite so easy to climb higher in the rankings.
:'''Ash''': Yeah, but I'll do my best! ''[Pikachu also agrees with the statement]''
:'''Drasna''': Sirfetch'd  and Dracovish are simply charming. I'll know that I'll cheer for you!
:'''Wikstrom''': Now don't neglect your training!
:'''Ash''': Right, Wikstrom!
:''[Bonnie is seen staring right up at Drasna. Wonder what this could mean...]''
:'''Goh''': What's wrong, Bonnie?
:'''Bonnie''': I have made a decision! 
:''[She gets down on one knee and holds her hand out to Drasna on behalf of Clemont, continuing her running gag from their initial journeys through Kalos.]''
:Drasna, you're a keeper! Please take care of my brother!
:''[Everyone freaks out.]''
:'''Pikachu''': ''[who seemingly missed this]'' Pika-Pikachu!
:'''Bonnie''': I mean, Drasna? You're so strong and in control that I don't think there's anybody else for my brother, see?
:'''Drasna''': ''[blushing]'' Oh, my stars! Whatever shall I do?
:'''Bonnie''': ''[After getting grabbed by Clemont's arm]'' Wait, but why?
:'''Clemont''':  I told you to stop this a million times!

==Reuniting for the First Time!==
:''[Note: This episode is to apologize to fans for not introducing Lisia during the XY series as to represent the promotion of Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire. The writers made the mistake in the XY series of promoting Hoenn remakes by mostly recycling story elements from the Ruby and Sapphire anime, as well as having barely any callbacks.]''

:'''Lisia''': Hi everybody!
:'''Altaria''': Taria! [Greetings, viewers!]
:'''Lisia''': Well, watch me dive in! It's dazzling! Dizzying! ''[spins around]''
:'''Crowd''': Dizzying! ''[also spins around]''
:'''Lisia''': Lisia's Miraculous Contest is Scouting! ''[the crowd cheers]'' I'm going to bring in another fantastic trainer into the world of contesting! Let's see...''[starts her search and sees Chloe]'' You, watching with that baffled expression on your face!
:'''Chloe''': Me?
:'''Lisia''': Have you never joined in a contest?
:'''Chloe''': Uh...never.
:'''Lisia''': That's just what I want to hear. Then let's get this show on the road! Folks, this is the trainer I'm going to scout today! ''[Nice Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire reference]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Chloe''': Wow, it's Sylveon. ''[The Sylveon trainer turns around and reveals to be none other than....Serena!]''
:'''Serena''': You're the contestant Lisia scouted!
:'''Chloe''': How did you know?
:'''Serena''': I saw the live broadcast.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[As Ash and Goh head to the contest hall, a familiar voice calls out to them. It's Wallace, the ex-Hoenn Champion and current Sootopolis Gym Leader. Juan must have retired at some point...]''
:'''Wallace''': Well, if it isn't Ash? ''[Both Ash and Goh stop]'' I knew it! So, I wonder if you remember me.
:'''Ash''': Let's see...
:'''Wallace''': ''[baffled that Ash doesn't remember him]'' I refuse to greet one who sees the visage and gets no inspiration.
:'''Ash''': Right! ''[both Ash and Goh try to leave only for Wallace to grab Ash by the backpack]''
:'''Wallace''': Hold it right there! Recall that your friends May and Dawn participated in a certain Wallace Cup. ''[Fans sure miss May, but given that May's Japanese voice actress has throat problems meant she can't return unless it is a silent cameo...]''
:'''Ash''': I remember now! You're the Contest Master, Wallace!
:'''Wallace''': Oui. So you do remember after all. Good. Now as luck would have it, my niece, the top Idol, Lisia, is appearing in this very contest. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Both Ash and Goh try to leave again, but like last time, Wallace stops them]''
:'''Wallace''': There's no need to be in such a rush. As a matter of fact, I've noticed a certain Trainer named Ash in the World Coronation series. ''[You can guess what's happening...]''
:'''Ash''': You have? Well, thanks.
:'''Wallace''': I'm not in the series, but since we've met, I must assume that it's fate. What say we battle, eh? I'm a trainer who can keep up in battle with the Champion of the Hoenn Region. 
:'''Ash''': Oh! You mean Steven Stone! 
:'''Wallace''': ''[annoyed]'' Well, you had no trouble remembering his name. But I'll refuse to take any offense. ''[Guess Wallace's loss against Steven hit his sore spot]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Ash just defeated Wallace, mostly off camera...yay, Ash defeated a former Hoenn Champion and all the Hoenn Gym Leaders...]''
:'''Wallace''': Milotic, return. ''[recalls his defeated Milotic]'' To think that I, who am on par with Champion what's-his-name, could be defeated. I tip my cap. You were elegantly infuriating so and yet it was utterly glorious. Kudos to you, Ash! As I have come to expect from you.
:'''Ash''': Thank you. It was a great practice for me.
:'''Goh''': Right! Let's go!
:'''Wallace''': Wait, right there! Now, you are able to claim your Rain Badge. ''[whips it out from his fingers and places it on Ash's vest.]'' 
:'''Ash''': ''[baffled by this since he already earned the Rain Badge from defeating Juan]'' Oh...
:'''Goh''': I'm gone!
:'''Wallace''': One more thing! ''[he takes off his scarf and places it on Ash. The scarf is too long and is covering Pikachu]'' Please take this as a memento of your battle with me. 
:'''Ash''': Oh...

:''[Note: Many fans claim that Ash should continue doing Gym Challenges because it is tradition that Ash always does this quest minus Sun and Moon. Again, Ash is a Champion and is competing in the World Coronation series and Ash's Gym Challenge quest is overused and tiresome at this point. Plus, making Ash continue doing Gym challenges would feel like a permanent downgrade in his skills as a trainer.]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Serena''': ''[noticing Ash is heading on the boat back to Vermillion City]'' Huh, is that Ash?
:'''Ash''': Huh? Serena! 
:'''Serena''': It is you! 
:'''Ash''': How have you been? 
:'''Serena''': Me? I've been doing just fine! You're looking great, Pikachu!
:'''Pikachu''': Pikachu. [Thank you, Serena]
:'''Chloe''': You know each other?
:'''Ash''': She's a good friend from some of my journeys. ''[Just the boat horn honks signalling it is time to leave]''

==Radio Lulled the Mischievous Stars!==
==Big Brother to the Rescue!==
:'''Ash's Rotom Phone''': A battle has been scheduled. Your entrance battle will be against Raihan, who is ranked 8th of the Masters Eight. 
:'''Ash''': Raihan, huh?
:'''Goh''': What do you mean entrance battle?
:'''Ash's Rotom Phone''': If Ash wins, he will exchange ranks with his opponent and be officially confirmed as the 8th ranked member of the Masters Eight who are the strongest trainers in the World Coronation Series. ''[Be warned, Ash. Once all entrance battles are finished, the final Masters Eight members are decided. This means that other trainers will have to wait until the next season to try their luck in reaching the Masters Eight again.]''

==Catching the Aura of Fate!==
:''[Note: This episode is to apologize to fans for &quot;Facing the Needs of the Many!&quot; While the reunion is well received, some are still upset that Greninja has not yet rejoined Ash. When all the evil roots are gone for good and Ash's Greninja permanently rejoins Ash like Charizard did in the Black and White series, fans will fully forgive the writers for this serious offence.]''

:'''Ash''': ''[about Greninja]'' When I came to Kalos, Froakie was the first Pokémon I caught. On our journey, we got stronger and stronger. One time, we had a fight because I tried too hard to win a battle...but we made up. Eventually, we took part in the Kalos League and after that, Greninja wanted to protect Kalos, so it stayed behind. ''[Nice story, but why did the writers ignore the Ash-Greninja form? Also, Zygarde appears to be written out of this series due to irrelevance. Also, no mention of Team Flare?]''

==Aim for the Eight!==
:''[Ash, Pikachu and Lucario had just arrived at Hammerlocke Gym and Raihan walks behind the group]''
:'''Raihan''': I was wondering who that was and it happens to be today's challenger.
:'''Ash''': Hi Raihan.
:'''Raihan''': Why are you here so early?
:'''Ash''': You see, I was too excited to stay away any longer. How about you? ''[Well, at least Ash had arrived to his destination for his match]''
:'''Raihan''': The truth is, I'm already on my home turf. Of course, I'd be here early. I'd never think you'd really make this far...but this is where your journey ends because I'll win.
:'''Ash''': Well, I'm not going to lose. ''[Just then, there's some rustling in the bushes, where it's revealed that Leon was sleeping outside the Gym.]''
:'''Leon''': ''[yawns]'' Morning Ash, Raihan.
:'''Ash''': It's Leon!
:'''Raihan''': Just what are you doing sleeping there?!
:'''Leon''': Well, you know, I didn't want to be late for the battle between you two. Guess I got excited.
:'''Raihan''': Huh, you too?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[With Ash's win against Raihan...]''
:'''Raihan''': This was mine to lose.
:'''Ash''': Thanks, Raihan for an awesome battle.
:'''Raihan''': Wait! Gotta sec? ''[he whips out his Rotom phone]'' How about a smile? ''[takes a selfie with Ash]'' I'm gonna beat both you and Leon someday. In the meantime, don't you dare lose before it happens.
:'''Ash''': I won't!
:'''Raihan''': Nice! ''[rubs Ash's head playfully before leaving]'' 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The Masters Eight have been decided and are locked in place for the rest of the season...]''
:'''Announcer''': And so, the entrance battles for this season are complete! The contestants for the Masters Eight Tournament have now been decided! First the winner of this match, ranking at number eight is Ash! Ranking number seven, the Unova Champion, Iris! Ranking number six, the winner of the Kalos Lumiose Conference, Alain! Ranking fifth, the Champion of the Kalos Region, Diantha! Ranking fourth, the Champion of both Kanto and Johto, Lance! Ranking number three, the Hoenn Champion, Steven Stone! Ranked second, the Sinnoh region Champion Cynthia! And ranked number one, amassing an unbroken series of victories, the undefeated Galar Champion, Leon! These eight will be competing in the all-star battles of the Masters Eight Tournament which is scheduled to get underway very, very soon! ''[Note: Since Flint is not seen amongst the Masters Eight, it is revealed that Flint lost too many times off camera is now back in the Ultra Class. Ash must watch out because the other contestants, aside from Iris because Ash defeated her already, are powerful just like him....]''

==Narrowing the Chaser Chase!==
==The Homecoming Crown!==
:''[As promised by the writers, the Mohn story that was first established in the Sun and Moon series gets to finally be resolved]''
:'''Ash''': Are you alright, Lillie? ''[Pikachu is attacking the Shiny Nihilego]''
:'''Lillie''': It's Ash!
:'''Gladion''': ''[rushes into the scene after hearing the commotion]'' What's wrong?! You're here?!
:'''Ash''': Gladion?
:'''Gladion''': What's going on?
:'''Ash''': I was just following Pikachu, when I saw Nihilego about to attack Lillie.

==Helping the Hometown Hero!==

==Chasing to the Finish!==

==Friends, Rivals, Lend me Your Spirit!==
:''[Note: This episode is to apologize to fans for complete disregard of Ash's reserves between Generation V and now. The writers are now banned from giving the impression that Ash's reserves are borderline non-existent. When the writers finally let Ash use his reserves again and fix up the ones that did not get enough character development (fully evolve the ones that didn't in their debut as well as give them more wins), fans will fully forgive them for this offense.]''

:'''Ash's Rotom Phone''': You have a call from the professor!
:'''Ash''': Uh, hello?
:'''Professor Oak''': Greetings, young man!
:'''Ash''': Professor Oak!
:'''Professor Oak''': You should drop by once in a while. See your other Pokémon...''[See, writers, this is the reason why ignoring Ash's reserves at Oak's lab is not worth continuing especially when Professor Oak asked Ash to visit his reserves once in a while.]''
:'''Ash''': Oh yeah! There's lots of battling spirit there! 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Gengar bounces around, hitting trees like being in a pachinko machine until he gets zapped by lightning. As Gengar regains consciousness, he sees an Electivire.]''
:'''Gengar''': Gengar? [Huh, you're the one who zapped me?]
:'''Ash''': ''[arrives along with Goh, Grookey and Pikachu]'' Gengar! No way! Electivire?
:''[Just then, a shadowy figure appears from behind a tree and stands next to his Electivire. It's Paul, Ash's Sinnoh rival!]''
:'''Paul''': Is that your Gengar? 
:'''Ash''': Hey, it's Paul!
:'''Goh''': &quot;It's Paul&quot;? Who's that?! 
:'''Pikachu''': Pikachu! [Long time no see, Electivire!]
:'''Electivire''': Electivire. [Hello again, Pikachu.]
:''[Gengar gets back up but is stumbling. Luckily Ash catches him.]''
:'''Ash''': Gengar, are you alright? ''[gets burned]'' Augh! Hot! ''[Everyone minus Paul and Electivire are confused]''
:'''Goh''': How can that be? Gengar is usually that cold. ''[He touches one of Gengar's fingers.]'' Yep, it is cold.
:''[Gengar hugs Ash and sure enough Ash does feel the coldness of Gengar's body.]''
:'''Ash''': Well, what do you know? Cold.
:'''Paul''': You're useless. At the very least, you should know your Pokémon's condition.
:'''Ash''': Course I know that! 
:'''Goh''': Hey Ash? You know that guy?
:'''Ash''': Yeah. We go way back. When I travelled through Sinnoh, he was a rival I battled a bunch of times. He's a Trainer who's named Paul.
:'''Paul''': Mm. ''[in agreement]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': Hey, we ran into Paul.
:'''Professor Oak''': Well, well. I was hoping he'd surprise you two here. You see, Paul happened to stop by yesterday, out of the blue.
:'''Paul''': Professor Oak is a preeminent figure in Pokémon research. If someone wants to know about Pokémon, he's the best to ask. Nothing strange about that. 
:'''Charizard''': Roar! [Let's go Gengar, you've some work to do.]
:'''Gengar''': Gengar! [Right, let's go!]
:'''Ash''': Let's all train. ''[Charizard, Gengar and the rest of Ash's Fire-mons comply, minus Infernape?]''
:'''Pikachu''': Pikachu! [Let's go!]
:'''Ash''': Kay, buddy! ''[Not so fast, Ash]''
:'''Paul''': You should leave it to the Pokémon. That's what this place is for.
:'''Professor Oak''': I'll keep an eye on them! I think you and Paul have things to talk about.
:'''Ash''': Right!
:'''Paul''': Infernape, why don't you go and join them? 
:'''Infernape''': Infernape? Infernape! [Really? Heading off, Ash!]
:'''Ash''': Infernape, you take care of Gengar, okay?
:'''Infernape''': Infernape! [Right!] ''[runs off and carries Professor Oak over his shoulders!]''
:'''Professor Oak''': Whoa! Hey, stop!
:'''Goh''': So, Infernape does what Paul does it to do too?
:'''Ash''': Yeah, cause Paul was its trainer before I was. ''[Those of you who do not know about Infernape and how he played a part in Ash and Paul's vicious rivalry towards each other during Diamond and Pearl series, here's a brief recap]''
:'''Narrator''': Ash met Paul in the Sinnoh Region. Paul put his Chimchar through some extreme training, but when it didn't meet his expectations, he abandoned it. So, Ash welcomed Chimchar into his group. A deep friendship developed which led to Chimchar evolve all the way into Infernape. 
:'''Goh''': So that's what happened. 
:'''Ash''': Yeah and Infernape's gotten really strong.
:'''Grookey''': Grookey-key-key. [Whoa, look at Electivire's tails!] ''[Electivire's twin tails are swinging back and forth gently]''
:'''Goh''': ''[Grookey jumps off Goh's shoulders]'' Grookey, hang on!
:'''Pikachu''': Pika! [Hey, wait!]
:'''Electivire''': Vire. [What is it?]
:''[Both Pikachu and Grookey are cheering while looking at Electivire's tails. Grookey throws its stick into the air allowing Electivire to catch it with its twin tails]''
:'''Electivire''': Electivire. [Got it!] ''[Pikachu and Grookey applaud at Electivire's performance]''
:'''Paul''': Electivire, go keep them busy.
:'''Electivire''': Electivire. [Sure thing.]
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[We see Paul's Electivire play with Pikachu and Grookey by letting the two ride on its tails, Ash's Torterra is napping with Scraggy and Palpitoad and Gible are hanging out with Goh.]''
:'''Ash''': Hey Paul, didn't you want to enter the World Coronation Series?
:'''Paul''': I'm not interested in noisy crowds. ''[Maybe that's why Paul gave up on region league quests as well? Also, no mention of Paul facing off against Pyramid King Brandon?]''
:'''Ash''': So why don't we face off now? ''[Paul scoffs as if to say &quot;What are you suggesting?&quot;]'' Battle with me!
:'''Goh''': That's a great idea!
:'''Paul''': Three on three and no switching out. ''[Nice call back to Ash and Paul's first battle, but this time this battle is less hostile. Remember, Paul had to fix his attitude after his loss against Brandon, as well as be more respectful to Ash following Paul's loss in the Sinnoh League]''
:'''Ash''': Okay!
:'''Paul''': One thing. You're only allowed to use Pokémon you're taking to the Masters Eight Tournament.
:'''Ash''': Fine! I'll go get them!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Paul''': ''[recalls his defeated Gyarados]'' Not too shabby.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Paul''': Garchomp, standby for battle! ''[summons his Garchomp. Thanks for reminding fans on how you mishandled Ash's Gible, writers! You're telling the fans that characters like Cynthia and Paul can have a Garchomp yet Ash can't evolve his Gible into a Garchomp?!]''
:'''Ash''': So Garchomp is up next.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': ''[recalls his defeated Dragonite]'' Dragonite, you were so cool. Take a rest. Did you see that, Paul? I call that the Dragonite Meteor!
:'''Paul''': ''[recalls his Garchomp]'' Lousy name.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Paul''': ''[baffled that Ash and Gengar are struggling in their battle against Paul and his Metagross, similar to the issue Ash had throughout the Diamond and Pearl series]'' And you're one of the Masters Eight? If I'm giving you a tough time, there's no chance you'll win the tournament! Use Meteor Mash!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Goh''': Excuse me? About your three Pokémon? Aren't they the same as some of the Masters Eight? Lance has a Gyarados, Cynthia has a Garchomp and Steven Stone has a Metagross. Is that just a coincidence? 
:'''Paul''': ''[simply smiles]'' Professor, thanks for all your help. I'll say goodbye for now.
:'''Professor Oak''': You're always welcome to come back here.
:'''Paul''': Thanks. If you'll excuse me. Infernape, until next time.
:'''Infernape''': Infernape. [Catch you later.]
:'''Paul''': Shall we go, Electivire?
:'''Electivire''': Electivire. [Right behind you.]
:'''Ash''': Paul, let's battle again! ''[Paul waves goodbye, knowing full well that Ash is ready for the trials ahead]''
:'''Goh''': He's acting too cool.
:'''Professor Oak''': Paul said he's been officially invited to become a Gym Leader of his own Pokémon Gym.
:'''Ash''': A Gym Leader?
:'''Professor Oak''': That's why he want to learn more and more about Pokémon.

==Curtain up! Fight the Fights!==
:''[As Ash and Goh reach the entrance of Wyndon Stadium, someone calls out to them. This is Hop. Where were you during the Darkest Day arc?]''
:'''Hop''': There you are! ''[runs and blocks their way]'' You're Ash from the Kanto region, aren't you?
:'''Ash''': Huh? Yeah, that's me...
:'''Hop''': Okay, then I'm challenging you to a battle! Right here and now! ''[Really, Hop?! You are begging for trouble!]''
:'''Wooloo''': Woo-loo! [Get ready!]
:'''Hop''': It's battle time! ''[Wooloo agrees with Hop]''
:'''Goh''': I wonder if he knows you're a member of the Masters Eight.
:'''Hop''': I heard that! Of course I know. That's why I'm here! I'm gonna test just how strong you are. 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Hop''': Now Wooloo, Double Kick! ''[Wooloo charges forward]''
:'''Ash''': Iron Tail! ''[Pikachu uses Iron Tail to knock out Wooloo...in one hit!]''
:'''Hop''': ''[horrified]'' Wooloo!
:'''Goh''': So, that's it?
:'''Hop''': A one hit win. Naturally. Now I totally see why my brother likes you.
:'''Ash''': Your brother, huh?
:'''Hop''': Yeah. See, my name is Hop. Leon's my bro.
:'''Ash''': That Leon?
:'''Goh''': Your brother?
:'''Ash''': That means Leon talked to you about me! Whoa, that makes me so psyched!
:'''Hop''': But I've gotta tell you...''[Ash gets confused]''...I'll be the one to end Lee's winning streak! So he's not gonna lose one match before that day! ''[That's what you think, Hop! Many fans think that Hop should have been Ash's main rival just like in the games. However, this loss was to remind fans that Hop's rivalry with Ash would not look very convincing in the anime, since Ash is a Champion and Hop is a rookie.]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Both Ash and Pikachu head to the dressing room where the other Masters Eight members. Just then, Iris runs along with Ash]''
:'''Iris''': Hey, you're cutting it close! 
:'''Ash''': Oh hey, Iris! So we're both in the Masters Eight, huh?
:'''Iris''': Right! I've been looking forward to seeing you!
:'''Ash''': Same for me! Since we've come so far...
:'''Both''': I've gotta win! ''[The other members of the Masters Eight as well as the stadium crew stare at the two. Yeah, save the energy for the tournament, you two.]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Announcer''': We'll start with the 8th ranked trainer. He shown us the Champion of the first Alola League tournament. Hailing from Pallet Town in the Kanto region, Ash Ketchum! ''[Finally the anime acknowledges Ash as the Alola Champion in the Pokémon world.]''
:'''Ash''': Alright! Lookout! ''[Pikachu cheers and accepts the cheers from the crowd as well]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Leon''': Take your best shot! My Pokémon will defeat everyone standing in their way.
:'''Announcer''': And now, we're going to reveal the matchups for the first round! ''[The screen display two square panels for the members. It spins like the ones on a slot machine.]'' For the first match, it's Leon vs Alain! ''[So much for Ash having the chance to refight Alain as to make up for the mess in the Kalos League...]'' 
:'''Ash''': Alain and Leon, huh?
:''[The screen spins again revealing the next matchup]''
:'''Announcer''': And for the second match, it's Lance vs Diantha! ''[Odd choice of pairing since the two never interacted before and Lance did not appear in the XY series. The screen spins revealing the third pair]''
:'''Announcer''': In the third match, it's Cynthia vs Iris. ''[That makes sense since Iris did receive mentorship from Cynthia in the Black and White series]''
:'''Iris''': Me and Cynthia?
:'''Cynthia''': Go easy on me. ''[The screen spins again revealing the final pair]''
:'''Announcer''': For the fourth match, it's Steven Stone vs Ash Ketchum. ''[This is to make up for the lack of interaction between the two throughout the Ruby and Sapphire and the XY series]''
:'''Ash''': So, I'm battling Steven Stone.
:'''Pikachu''': Pi-ka. [He is very tough.]
:'''Steven Stone''': So, we finally get to battle each other.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Cynthia''': ''[noticing that Ash is not backstage]'' Is Ash coming?
:'''Iris''': Uh...no. Ash said he was watching the matches with Goh. He wants to experience all the stadium excitement firsthand.
:'''Diantha''': That does sound like him. 
:'''Cynthia''': And you didn't wanna watch from the stands with him?
:'''Iris''': Oh, actually...I wanted to ask a favor of both of you. Can we take a selfie? You don't mind, do you? ''[takes out her Rotom Phone]'' 
:'''Cynthia''': I'd be delighted.
:'''Diantha''': Of course, dear. 
:'''Lance''': So Steven, I hear that you know Alain fairly well.
:'''Steven Stone''': We met while searching for rare stones. You know, I hope it doesn't overwhelm him to suddenly be matched against Leon.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Leon's Rillaboom Gigantamaxes! Grookey, being excited, bangs his stick on Goh's head. Now do you understand why Ash can't have a member of the Rillaboom line of his own, fans?!]''
:'''Goh''': Grookey! I'm not a drum, understand?! Stop it!
:'''Hop''': Alright! Let's all rock out to Lee's rhythm!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Alain's Chesnaught gets defeated by Rillaboom's Acrobatics. Acrobatics is a Flying-type move and Chesnaught is 4x weak to Flying as it is a Grass and Fighting type.]''
:'''Steven Stone''': So Leon has the advantage?
:'''Lance''': Yes. Who knew Rillaboom would use Acrobatics? 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Alain summons his Charizard who now has a new Charizardite X Mega Stone]''
:'''Ash''': That's so awesome! We had battle after battle with his Charizard. ''[Yet you did not defeat it because you overused your Kalos team and did not practice your now former Ash-Greninja form enough which cost you the Kalos League. The Mega Evolution specials confirmed that Alain had more practice with his Mega Charizard X]''
:'''Hop''': You have?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Alain summons his Charizard again into battle after his Malamar lost. They sure love the Charizard mirror match, don't they?]''
:'''Alain''': Go Charizard!
:'''Leon''': I'll continue battling with my Charizard. 
:'''Alain''': It's been my dream to battle you two and defeat you! ''[Yeah, not happening...]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Dan''': Alain's Charizard is unable to battle. It's a win for Leon's Charizard, which means the victory goes to Leon! ''[Alain lost the match easily like Trevor did in the XY series. It should be noted that Alain is a League Conference winner and not a region Champion, unlike the other members of the Masters Eight.]''

==Pride of a Champion!==
:'''Ash''': So it is Diantha against Lance. Which shall I cheer for?
:'''Goh''': Ash, does that mean you know both of them?
:'''Ash''': Uh-huh. I even battled Diantha too. ''[That's true, although neither battles Ash had with Diantha were finished. But Ash did let Diantha know he had potential during their battles.]''
:'''Hop''': You're amazing. You're also one of Lee's favorite trainers. That's so cool there's something about you that the Champions find interesting. ''[Hmmm...seems that Ash is also the other Champion's favorite trainers]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Lance''': The time has come! Trainers of the Kanto region! ''[We see Ritchie from the original series make a cameo watching the show. Wonder what he's been up to all this time?]'' Trainers of the Johto region! ''[We see Jackson/Vincent, Marina and Jimmy also watching the game as well.]'' All of you just watch me battle. And you, Diantha, as a Dragon Master, I ask of you to bring only your best to battle my Dragon brigade.
:'''Diantha''': And of course, you're right. The thing that connects us all is our Pokémon and battling itself, I too have a request to all the trainers of the Kalos region. ''[Shauna, Tierno, Trevor and Sawyer are also watching.]'' As I stand here, your dreams and ambitions are with me and so, Lance, I very much am looking forward to seeing how you and your Pokémon shine like the stars!
:'''Lance''': So, shall we begin?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Diantha uses a Light Screen and Reflect combo]''
:'''Iris''': Wow, it's like an aurora!
:'''Steven Stone''': Who knew Light Screen and Reflect, two defensive moves could be combined like that?
:'''Alain''': However, the effect of each move will still vanish over time. It's not permanent. 
:'''Cynthia''': I think Diantha is using it as to pressure Lance. I'd say Diantha is clearly the one in control of this battle. ''[Oh yeah. There's a reason the writers are not letting Lance refight Leon in this match.]''
:'''Leon''': It's still anyone's guess. If he wavered here, she would have beat Lance.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''James''': A Gourgeist, eh?
:'''Meowth''': Jessie caught one in Kalos back in the day.
:'''Jessie''': ''[yawn and uninterested]'' So her second is Gourgeist? ''[Wait a second...]'' A Gourgeist?! That woman calls herself a movie star gets it! Listen up, Gourgeist is being fought!
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobba, Wobba! [That's what we told you!]
:'''James and Meowth''': Yeah, that makes sense...
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Diantha''': Now comes checkmate! Moonblast! ''[Mega Gardevoir complies knocking Lance's Dragonite out.]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': Lance!
:'''Lance''': Ash, hi there. Looks like my challenge has come to an end. Now, do your best. ''[Lance leaves heading back home. That's the best interaction between Ash and Lance you can come up with, writers?!]''

==The Fiery Road to Mastership!==
:'''Ash''': You know, Iris raised that Excadrill from way back when it was still a Drilbur. Man, time can sure fly.
:'''Pikachu''': Pika-pika! [You know it!]
:'''Hop''': Huh?! You know her too?!
:'''Goh''': Ash knows Iris because they traveled through Unova together. He also knows Cynthia really well.
:'''Hop''': What's with you knowing everybody, Ash?! ''[Maybe you should travel around the world and learn more about the Champions just like Ash did]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Diantha''': If Iris is a Dragon-type trainer, then why...
:'''Alain''': ''[as if reading Diantha's mind]'' ...did she bring out Excadrill? ''[Diantha nods in agreement]''
:'''Steven Stone''': I've heard a rumour that she actually trained with Cynthia at one point.
:'''Alain''': Which means they each know the cards the other is holding.
:'''Leon''': It could very well be changing of the guard. This should be interesting.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Cynthia''': Your moves are even sharper than before.
:'''Iris''': That's because of everything you've shown me, Cynthia. ''[cue flashback of Cynthia's training with Iris]'' I simply did what you taught me to do. ''[Drayden is watching the event]'' And now to become part of our strength, lots of connections that made us Champions. ''[Alder, Georgia, Stephan, Bianca and Trip are also watching. You know Trip is the worst main rival of Ash when all he has is a cameo appearance, compared to Gary and Paul who have at least one episode focus in Journeys.]'' And so, I, as the Unova region Champion, on this day, I'll defeat you. ''[We are not having another Ash vs Iris match in the Masters Eight!]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Cynthia''': Standing here, you and I are nothing more than individual Pokémon Trainers, as well as challengers aiming for the top. ''[Volkner and Flint are watching the match outside the Sunyshore Gym with their Electivire and Infernape respectively.]'' We will not pull any punches as I want to test my own limits, you see. ''[Paul is shown to have returned home, after prepping Ash for the Masters Eight tournament, to watch the game with Reggie, who just delivered tea for the two to drink.]'' So I will defeat you and move on! Gastrodon, ACID ARMOR!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''James''': Frilly girl is not bad. She's not that bad at all.
:'''Meowth''': The only reason she got here is because we trained her up.
:'''Jessie''': A bouquet of thinking roses would be kind of nice.
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobbuffet! [I couldn't agree more!]
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Iris''': Now, Haxorus, let's do this!
:'''Haxorus''': HAAAA! [Make your move!]
:'''Cynthia''': ''[noticing Iris is getting better in battles]'' I see. If so...''[whips out her...lipstick? She applies it on the bottom part of her lips]'' I'll use all of my strength and I'll defeat you! ''[One turn of her lipstick reveals her...Keystone?! Uh-oh...]'' 
:'''Iris''': ''[horrified]'' Isn't that...
:'''Ash''': A Keystone?! 
:'''Cynthia''': ''[activates the Keystone and applies her lipstick on the upper lips]'' Garchomp, time for MEGA EVOLUTION!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[the other Masters Eight noticing Cynthia's Mega Garchomp]''
:'''Steven Stone''': That's interesting. She must be serious.
:'''Alain''': True, but Haxorus still has a lot of power right now. This bout is anything but decided.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Iris checks on her defeated Haxorus. Iris, always have at least one battle mechanic to better your odds of winning.]''
:'''Iris''': Haxorus, you really went all out. You're the very best and Dragonite too, and Excadrill too. I love you all.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Ash heads off to the Wyndon Stadium arena, ready to face Steven Stone and to make up for not winning the Hoenn League. As he does, he runs into Iris.]''
:'''Ash''': Iris, I'm sorry.
:'''Iris''': Ash...''[starting to tear up]'' Looks like I lost.
:'''Ash''': I know.
:'''Iris''': Cynthia is really amazing, isn't she? ''[continues crying]'' Incredible...She's amazing! ''[Continues crying...Goh then shows up checking on her as well. Seconds later, Iris cleans up her tears.]'' All better now. Thanks. I know, for Ash's next match, how about we cheer for him together?

==Battling as Hard as Stone!==
:'''Meowth''': Now it's twerp time! Rock and roll!
:'''James''': Battling someone with panache and power.
:'''Jessie''': ''[uninterested]'' I'm not so sure the twerp even has half the chance.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': Okay, Steven! I'm the one advancing to the semi-finals!
:'''Pikachu''': Pikachu! 
:'''Steven Stone''': You don't say, huh? Then I expect great things! I look forward to seeing what kind of battle you'll bring.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Leon''': Show me what you've got, rookie. 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Dracovish uses Fishious Rend to counter Metagross' Agility]''
:'''Ash''': Oh yeah! ''[Just then, Dracovish gets pushed back by Metagross]''
:'''Announcer''': And Fishious Rend holds off the Psychic attack.
:'''Steven Stone''': He predicted that.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': ''[in his mind]'' Paul, my battle with you is already paying off. ''[flashes back to Ash's Gengar's battle with Paul's Metagross]'' Closing in with Agility then using Psychic. I had a feeling you knew how Steven would battle, then you helped me train for it. ''[At home, Paul smiles at Ash's performance, as if to say, &quot;He knows what he's doing.&quot;]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Steven Stone''': Let me tell you. The thing is I am considered the most powerful trainer in the Hoenn region but that's not nearly enough for me. The Pokémon World Coronation Series: it is only when I dominate this event that I can say I am truly the strongest and the best! ''[We see multiple cameos from the Generation III anime: Professor Birch, Drew, Harley, Katie, Morrison, Tyson (keep in mind that Tyson won the Hoenn League but failed to become Hoenn Champion as Steven is Hoenn Champion), Janet, Vito, Kain, Jimmy, and Kelly]''
:'''Diantha''': I've never seen Steven this fired up before. ''[Alain nods in agreement]''
:'''Ash''': And the same for us! 
:'''Pikachu''': Pika!
:'''Ash''': For all the people who cheered me on up until now. ''[We see Chloe, Professor Cerise, Ren, Chrysa, and Mimey watch the show]'' For all of my Pokémon, I will win this for sure! ''[We see Delia, Professor Oak, Tracey, and Ash's reserves.]''  
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Jessie''': Told you the twerp's completely outclassed.
:'''Meowth''': Have you lost it?
:'''James''': Are you mad?
:'''Jessie''': ''[enraged]'' I'M TOTALLY NOT MAD!
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobba wobba wob! [Take it easy!]
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Meowth''': It's Pikachu time!
:'''James''': I smell turnaround!
:'''Jessie''': Pikachu, don't even think about losing! Do you hear me?!
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobba Wobba! [Come on and win this, Pikachu!]
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Steven's Cradily loses to Pikachu]''
:'''Steven Stone''': That was just terrific! Each one of your moves leaves me totally surprised, Ash!
:'''Ash''': It's all because Gengar set it up for Pikachu.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Ash had defeated the Hoenn Champion, Steven Stone, and is now in the semi-finals ready to face Cynthia for the first time. You wanted to fight Cynthia, you got it, Ash!]''
:'''Cynthia''': Ready, Ash? Our match is near...
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': Hey, Steven!
:'''Steven Stone''': You know, Ash. The feelings you have for your Pokémon and the way they respond to you, they gave their all in battle for that. They came together as one and, as a result, created an even greater power. And that's the reason you were able to grasp your victory today. And a spectacular win it was.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Outside Wyndon Stadium, Iris, Steven and Alain are heading back to their home regions...]''
:'''Steven Stone''': Your next opponent is Cynthia. Still, with Pikachu and your other Pokémon, you can win. I believe in you, Ash.
:'''Alain''': I'm certain you can do it. ''[That's the best interaction between Ash and Alain you can do in Journeys, writers?!]''
:'''Iris''': Can't wait for you to tell me all about it!
:'''Ash''': And that's what I am gonna do! ''[Pikachu exclaims in agreement]''

==Infinite Possibilities!==
:''[One day, at the Eevee Evolution Lab, some evolved forms of Eevee are chilling out as a Leafeon pops out a bush]''
:'''Leafeon''': Leaf.
:''[A Flareon chases after it]''
:'''Flareon''': Flare, flare.
:'''Narrator''': This is the Eevee Evolution Lab, where today, Eevee is having a health check up.
:''[Inside the lab, Chloe and her Eevee are with Pinery who is checking Eevee's health]''
:'''Pinery''': ''[Turns round to Chloe]'' Perfect health. Eevee's doing just fine.
:'''Chloe''': That's wonderful.
:'''Chloe's Eevee''': Eevee.
:'''Chloe''': So, how have you and Eevee been spending your time lately?
:'''Chloe''': It's been great, we took a trip to see Sylveon. ''[A flashback occurs]'' And we even performed in a Pokémon Contest Spectacular. Eevee even used Fairy Wind.
:'''Pinery''': You really used Fairy Wind? ''[The camera cuts to Eevee scratching herself]'' I wish I'd seen you two in action.
:'''Chloe's Eevee''': Eevee. Eevee vee vee.
:'''Chloe''': After that, we met the Eevee of a friend who lives in Alola. She's Lana.
:''[A flashback occurs to when Chloe met Lana]''
:'''Lana''': There's one more. The Eevee path.
:'''Chloe''': Hm?
:'''Lana''': Eevee can always just stay Eevee, like Ash's Pikachu.
:'''Chloe''': Ash's Pikachu. You're right. So then there are nine paths available for Eevee. Of course. ''[The flashback ends]'' Lana taught me something back then, about all of Eevee's possibilities.
:'''Pinery''': That's true. She's so right. You and Eevee will decide, if it's Eevee... ''[The evolutions of Eevee appear in a fantasy]'' ...or Vaporeon, Jolteon, Flareon, Espeon, Umbreon, Leafeon, Glaceon, Sylveon. Those are all the evolutions you can choose from.
:'''Chloe''': Right.
:'''Pinery''': Tell me, is Eevee interested in them?
:'''Chloe''': Completely. The thing is, it can't choose. I don't know what to do. Eevee loves every evolved form.
:'''Pinery''': Really?
:'''Chloe's Eevee''': Eevee vee. [Pinery is right, Chloe.]

==It's... Champion Time!==
:''[Dragonite glomps Ash sending the two sliding to where Cynthia is with her Garchomp]''
:'''Cynthia''': Ash, is that you? Dragonite?
:'''Ash''': Hey, Cynthia!
:'''Goh''': Sorry, we interrupted you!
:'''Cynthia''': Don't be. We're just fine. I'd say that enthusiasm means you're making final preparations before our match.
:'''Ash''': Yeah, I am! Does that mean you are too?
:'''Cynthia''': I am. ''[to Garchomp]'' Now, try flying.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Vic''': A partner...my choice? I decided Grookey will be my first Pokémon!
:'''Goh''': You'd pick Grookey? Good choice!
:'''Grookey''': Grookey-key! [Glad to hear!]
:'''Vic''': Then I'd evolve it up to Rillaboom like Leon did, and get it to Gigantamax!
:'''Goh''': Well first, you have to evolve it into a Thwackey.
:'''Vic''': Right! Then we'll use a move that is just as cool as 10 million Volt Thunderbolt!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Vic''': Cynthia, what was your first Pokémon?
:'''Ash''': You know, I don't even think I know that.
:'''Cynthia''': ''[addressing her Garchomp]'' This one here. We've been on many adventures since it was a Gible.
:'''Ash''': Yeah.
:'''Goh''': I thought you could only use Piplup, Chimchar, or Turtwig?
:'''Cynthia''': Right. This one came from an egg.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Cynthia''': With Pokémon Eggs, you never know what will come from them, right? ''[The flashback reveals Cynthia as a little girl with her egg that later became her ace]'' And anticipating what kind of Pokémon will emerge...it's so exciting! I did everything I could to keep it warm. And when the time came, this is who hatched! ''[Her Gible]'' I was beyond overjoyed!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Ash''': Actually, my Lucario came from an egg too! 
:'''Goh''': And a very strange egg it was...
:'''Cynthia''': Strange?
:'''Vic''': What do you mean?
:'''Goh''': It wouldn't hatch. No matter who cared for it. It went to lots of regions and still couldn't figure it out. But then the egg called out to Ash.
:'''Vic''': Whoa!
:'''Ash''': True and then I felt some kind of aura coming from it.
:'''Vic''': They call Lucario, the Aura Pokémon, don't they? You're so awesome!
:'''Cynthia''': Ash, maybe it was waiting for you. 
:'''Ash''': You think so?
:'''Cynthia''': Actually, I've heard rumors. They were talking about that strange egg. So that was you!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Goh''': Ash, over there! Look!
:'''Ash''': Whoa! ''[The scoreboard reveals that Leon only lost Dragapult with Rillaboom being active, while Diantha has Goodra active and lost Gourgeist, Aurorus, Tyrantrum, and Hawlucha. The writers just pulled a &quot;Lost at the League!&quot; on us, didn't they?!]''
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Hop''': ''[seeing that Leon is now in the finals]'' Yeah! All right! Leon's the best!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Vic''': Ash, I wanna have totally cool battles just like Leon!
:'''Cynthia''': You should have lots of adventures first where you catch Pokémon and battle with them.

==Bewitch, Battle, and Bewilder!==
:''[As Cynthia is heading towards the stadium, she runs into Diantha.]''
:'''Diantha''': I'll cheer for you.
:'''Cynthia''': Thanks, Diantha. I promise that I won't let you down.
:'''Diantha''': If anyone breaks Leon's unbeaten streak, it's got to be you. 
:'''Cynthia''': But no pressure, right? I've decided something.
:'''Diantha''': What's that?
:'''Cynthia''': Once this tournament is over, I'm going to retire from battling. ''[This hints that a lot of challengers who fought Cynthia stood no chance against her. Little did Cynthia realize, someone might stand a chance and overpower her...]''
:'''Diantha''': Huh? You're retiring? 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Cynthia summons her Spiritomb]''
:'''Diantha''': That Cynthia, using a Pokémon no one predicted. She now controls the field. 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Cynthia's Spiritomb drains Dragonite of her strength using Dream Eater multiple times]''
:'''Jessie''': You know, that's absolutely vicious!
:'''James''': Didn't I tell you they're strong?
:'''Meowth''': Dragonite's power is slowly drained away.
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobbuffet. [So horrifying.]
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': Dragonite return! ''[recalls Dragonite after recklessly leaving it out in the battlefield open for attacks]'' Sorry. I promise no one else is going to lose that way. 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Cynthia noticing Ash using his Pikachu against her Togekiss.]''
:'''Cynthia''': ''[in her mind]'' I'd say he's trying to change the pace with his number one partner. 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Cynthia summons her Gastrodon into battle]''
:'''Hop''': This isn't good. Electric type attacks won't work on Gastrodon!
:'''Goh''': Cynthia really has Ash figured out. She wants to keep Pikachu from switching out by taking it down right now. 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Diantha''': When it comes to Ash, good or bad matchups make no difference. His attack rhythm is excellent, too. ''[Diantha is really becoming a fan of Ash...]''
:'''Leon''': My kind of match. I love this!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Cynthia''': ''[in her mind]'' Ash has the skill to turn a tight spot into an opportunity. It's wonderful how Pikachu responds to it.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Pikachu is spinning around using Thunderbolt. The technique we all love in Diamond and Pearl, the Counter-Shield, is back!]''
:'''Goh''': Hey, what's going on? 
:'''Hop''': Pikachu's breakdancing! ''[Not exactly]''
:'''Cynthia''': It's a little early for a victory dance. Use Hypnosis! ''[Should have watched Ash's battle against Fantina, Cynthia. Spiritomb complies using Hypnosis at Pikachu, only for it to get countered]''
:'''Announcer''': Spiritomb's Hypnosis move has somehow gotten caught in the Thunderbolt attack and it can't reach Pikachu.
:'''Cynthia''': But how? ''[You forgot about that tactic that Ash and Paul used in the Sinnoh League?!]''
:'''Ash''': Let's finish this! ''[Pikachu's Thunderbolt injures Spiritomb]''
:'''Leon''': It's true! Offense is the best Defense!
:'''Ash''': Cynthia! While we were in Sinnoh, we came up with the Counter Shield technique.
:'''Cynthia''': I remember that one! You demonstrated back in the Sinnoh League! ''[Oh, never mind then]''

==Valor: A Strategic Part of Battling!==
:'''Hop''': A one Pokémon advantage is big and Cynthia's way too tough. 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[The Team Rocket gang race to the front row to check on Ash's progress]''
:'''Jessie''': Hey twerp, what's up? Where did that first round fighting spirit run off to?
:'''Meowth''': You're leaving us in the loser's lurch!
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobbuffet. [Get yourself together.]
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Diantha''': Neither have them used Dynamax or Mega Evolution. 
:'''Leon''': They're not ready yet. It's exactly when to use them that will be the key to victory here.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Ash summons his Dracovish while Cynthia summons her Garchomp]''
:'''Ash''': Garchomp...is it time for Mega Evolution? ''[Cynthia doesn't respond. What hidden tricks does she have?]'' We'll hit it head on! Use Ice Fang!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Cynthia puts her Roserade back into the area and it's all fine?!]''
:'''Ash''': Roserade's not burned now?
:'''Hop''': That's so weird. It was just hit by Gengar's Will-o-wisp. ''[Unless...]''
:'''Goh''': Hold on a second. That must mean Cynthia's Roserade...
:'''Cynthia''': Roserade's ability is Natural Cure. By returning to its Poké-ball, it can heal from things like burns or poison.
:'''Ash''': So that's why you switched it out. Okay, what's my next move?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Cynthia''': ''[in her mind]'' Since you understand how your Pokémon feel, you would do that. But it's exactly what will give me the chance to win! ''[Don't be so sure, Cynthia, until the end of the round...She then exclaims out loud]'' Spirit of water, Milotic, go! ''[Summons her Milotic in battle. Oh dear, Cythina, if only you knew how many Milotic Ash loved to beat up]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Sirfetch'd uses Brutal Swing by throwing his shield like a boomerang, cancelling out Stealth Rock]''
:'''Cynthia''': How can they do that?!
:'''Announcer''': With its extremely high spin rate, Sirfetch'd shield is destroying one Stealth Rock shard after another.
:'''Hop''': Is that even possible?
:'''Goh''': Hey, it's Ash! Stuff like this is where he's at his best!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Diantha''': I thought Garchomp might Mega Evolve, but...
:'''Leon''': She has something else in mind. ''[This makes sense because, besides Iris, Cynthia hung out with Ash more compared to the other members of the Masters Eight, meaning she knows more about how Ash battles.]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Cynthia''': Togekiss, return now! ''[recalls her Togekiss]''
:'''Ash''': Wait, what?
:'''Announcer''': Oh! Another switch out! ''[Nope. The camera reveals that Cynthia has a...]''
:'''Lucario''': Raw? [Is that...]
:'''Ash''': A Dynamax band?!
:'''Pikachu''': Pika! [It is!]
:'''Announcer''': Hey, that's no switch out! 
:'''Cynthia''': Togekiss, soar with white wings! Now Dynamax, let's go! ''[Seconds later, Togekiss enlarges and pops out of the Dynamax Poké-ball. Cynthia knew that Ash would try and fight Mega Garchomp, hence why she threw him off guard.]''
:'''Togekiss''': Togekiss. [You're in trouble now.]

==Whittle While you Work!==
:'''Hop''': I thought Cynthia was going to Mega-Evolve her Garchomp this time.
:'''Goh''': Ash, what's your next step going to be?
:'''Cinderace''': Cinderace! [Don't lose to Togekiss!]
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Noticing that Ash has Mega-Lucario ready for the match]
:'''Diantha''': Now, we'll witness the power of the bond between Ash and Lucario. 
:'''Leon''': Mega-Evolution vs Dynamax. That's what the Masters Eight Tournament is about!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Togekiss reverts back to normal but is still active]''
:'''Diantha''': It seems quite possible that Ash is evolving during this battle as well. 
:'''Leon''': I agree. He's putting on quite a display of Aura power. But facing the Sinnoh Champion, she's not one you beat with power alone. ''[looking at you, Paul, Flint, Aaron, Lucian and others who tried that stunt and failed...]''
:'''Diantha''': Of course, Cynthia...''[recalls Cynthia mentioning about retiring after the Masters Eight tournament to Diantha]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Cynthia''': Hey Garchomp. ''[Garchomp turns her attention to Cynthia]'' Looking at Ash brings back memories of all the wonderful times that you and I had together.
:'''Garchomp''': Garchomp. [I remember.] 
:''[The flashback shows Cynthia and her then baby Gible having fond memories: running through a field, catching a Feebas that later became her Milotic, seeking shelter in a cave in the middle of a rainstorm, Gible becoming Gabite, Cynthia looking at the Dialga and Palkia legends at Amity Square first seen in &quot;Top Down Training!&quot; in the Diamond and Pearl series, Gabite becoming a Garchomp and helping Cynthia win the Sinnoh League and be crowned Champion]''
:'''Cynthia''': When everything we saw was brand new. How we were filled with excitement at the great big world and its legends! As challengers, we tested ourselves in all kinds of situations. That was then...
:'''Garchomp''': Garchomp. [That's true.]
:'''Cynthia''':...but now, we will be the ones to take on Leon! Alright, use Scale Shot!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Ash's Mega-Lucario gets back up but Cynthia's Garchomp is unconcious from the Reversal hit. You know what that means...]''
:'''Dan''': Garchomp is unable to battle! So the victory goes to Ash Ketchum! ''[Yes! You took down the Sinnoh Champion! Now the fans have finally forgiven the writers for Ash's Sinnoh League loss. Wonder how Paul would react to Ash's win against Cynthia?]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Jessie''': Finally, he pulls off an upset that I'm happy about!
:'''James''': Defeating both the Hoenn and Sinnoh Champions means one thing. 
:'''Jessie, James and Meowth''': It's not luck! 
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobbu! [No it isn't!]
:''[Just then, the Rocket gang realized something...]''
:'''Meowth''': We did have a reason for being here, right?
:'''Jessie''': To provide commentary for fun and profit and...
:'''James''': Steal some super strong Pokémon! 
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobbuffet. [Oh yeah, we forgot about that.]
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Cynthia''': Ash.
:'''Ash''': Hm. ''[Cynthia extends her hand towards him for a handshake, which he accepts.]'' Thanks, Cynthia.
:'''Cynthia''': I'm the one who should be thanking you. ''[Ash is confused]'' Watching you and your Pokémon interacting in so many ways. It made me realize just how many things there are still left for me to learn. Thank you, Ash. Truly.
:'''Grookey''': ''[off camera]'' Grookey! [Heck yeah!]
:'''Cynthia''': Let's battle again someday.
:'''Ash''': Sure!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Cynthia leaves the stadium and runs into Diantha again.]''
:'''Diantha''': That was a good battle. 
:'''Cynthia''': Even though I lost...''[giggles a bit]''...I'm taking back my decision to retire.
:'''Diantha''': ''[relieved]'' I thought you'd do that. ''[Did any fans really thought the Sinnoh Champion was going to retire that easy after her loss? Good thing Ash was not aware of Cynthia's retirement plan.]'' 
:'''Cynthia''': Something so exciting and fun. I just can't quit. In battle and in research, there's still a lot left to master.
:'''Diantha''': That's how it should be!

==Just a Scone's Throw From Here!==
:''[Leon summons Eternatus while showing it off to Ash and Goh, much to their shock]''
:'''Sonia''': Surprised?
:'''Goh''': Yeah...''[remembers Eternatus in the Darkest Day arc]'' I mean it was so over the top destructive. That was the reason I had Professor Magnolia take it. 
:'''Sonia''': We decided for the time being, we'd keep it in a place deep underground below the lab. Things is, staying asleep all the time isn't much of a life. 
:'''Professor Magnolia''': Right. Eternatus has a deep connection to Galar particles. The energy that flows through the region, this is how Pokémon cannot be separated from the Galarian way of life. We must all learn to co-exist with Eternatus. 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Goh receives a notification on his phone, much to his shock.]''
:'''Ash''': Goh, what's up?
:'''Goh''': Sorry, Ash. Looks like I won't be able to see your battle tomorrow. That was an emergency communication from Project Mew. I've got to pack up and leave ASAP.
:'''Ash''': Okay. You better go find Mew right away.
:'''Goh''': I will and you better win that match!
:'''Ash''': Got it! ''[If Goh cannot watch Ash's match in person due to Project Mew, then who is going to root for Ash in Goh's place?]''

==A Flood of Torrential Gains!==
:'''Gary''': Hey Goh, it's too bad.
:'''Goh''': Oh?
:'''Gary''': Ash's final Masters Eight tournament match is today, isn't it?
:'''Goh''': It sure is. Even so, I trust that he's going to win. See, we promised each other. Next time we meet, we'll both be smiling. 
:'''Gary''': Yeah, you're right. ''[Okay, so Gary and Goh cannot see Ash's battle against Leon due to Project Mew commitments...make sense]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Backstage, Ash places his Z-ring, Dynamax band and Mega Gloves on. He then faces his Journeys team.]''
:'''Ash''': Hey guys, you ready? Then let's do this! ''[The rest of the Journeys team declare themselves ready for the match.]'' We're gonna win, right?! ''[The team exclaim in agreement. Just then, a Piplup and Eevee run up to Ash and his team. Could it be...?]'' 
:'''Ash''': What? ''[Just then, Dawn and Chloe show up into the backstage area]''
:'''Dawn''': Hi there, Ash! 
:'''Chloe''': Sorry to barge in!
:'''Ash''': Dawn, Chloe! 
:'''Chloe''': We'll both cheer for you and since Goh couldn't make it, I'll cheer on his behalf too. ''[Nice substitutes, but where are the rest of Ash's other companions, not counting Tracey, Goh, and Iris?]''
:'''Ash''': Awesome, thanks a lot.
:'''Chloe''': Besides, I wanted to let Eevee see a live tournament.
:'''Eevee''': Eevee! [You know it!]
:'''Dawn''': I can understand that. I watched all this time on TV, but I just had to be there for this! 
:'''Chloe''': Everyone's cheering for you, back at the lab. Give it you're all, okay?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Hop''': Lee, what's wrong?
:'''Leon''': ''[in his mind]'' Feeling nervous but in a good way. I wonder why am I remembering my first Pokémon battle now?''[reveals flashback of a young Leon facing a young Sonia. This is a foreshadow of what the results are going to be...]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Piplup wearing his old cheerleader outfit from the Diamond and Pearl series. He is showing off his cute cheers to Chloe.]'' 
:'''Chloe''': You are just so cute in that outfit!
:'''Dawn''': Isn't it great? Piplup always cheered like that back in Sinnoh, too.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Announcer''': ''[We see Iris sitting in a tree watching the game on her tablet computer (went home to Unova to resume her Unova Champion duties), Lance is watching the game with Dragonite on his phone, Alain is with Mairin and Professor Sycamore at Sycamore's lab watching the game]'' And now, let's bring our finalists to the field. Ranked 8 in the Masters Eight, the very first Champion of the Alola region and hailing from Kanto, Ash Ketchum! ''[crowd cheering]'' 
:'''Dawn''': If Ash can't do it, no one can! ''[Both Piplup and Eevee are cheering on as well]''
:'''Chloe''': So many people cheering for Ash!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Announcer''': Ever since Ash entered the World Coronation series, he has taken on and defeated a long list of powerful opponents.  ''[Steven is watching the game in a meeting room inside Devon Corporation.]'' Perhaps, the most watched contestant, he even defeated Hoenn Champion, Steven Stone. Ash, then, took on the Sinnoh Champion, Cynthia, and emerged victorious. ''[Both Diantha and Cynthia are watching the game in person in the VIP box. Those two female Champions must now be big fans of Ash...]'' He has used Dynamax, Z-Moves and Mega Evolution, combining them with a Pokémon battling style of his own. So what kind of inspired moves will he make today? Now the one facing Ash. Here's the reigning Monarch with worldwide name recognition. He's the role model and battling goal for Pokémon trainers all over the globe. Ranked no. 1 in the Masters Eight, the Champion of the Galar region, Leon!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Dan''': The finals consists of a six-on-six full battle. There will be no limits on time or switching out Pokémon. The one who leaves all six of their opponents Pokémon unable to battle wins! Also, a contestant is only permitted to use Dynamax, a Z-move or Mega Evolution once per-
:'''Leon''': Hold it! 
:'''Dan''': Leon? 
:'''Leon''': Just once is pretty boring. So come at me using them all, okay?
:'''Ash''': Really?
:'''Leon''': This is the ultimate test of the all out competition! I want to battle with all their power! That's right! And that's why I want all of your Pokémon to hit us with everything we got! Dynamax, Z-moves and Mega Evolution! I want to battle against all of them! I want to challenge them all and beat them all! What about you? Don't you want to see a full power battle?! ''[The crowd cheers loudly which is cool, but we need approval from the officials first, Leon!]''
:'''Hop''': Go Lee! Yeah, that's my brother with the awesome ideas!
:'''Chloe''': What does that mean? 
:'''Dawn''': That means it'll be an amazing match!! Alright, you can do it, Ash!! 
:'''Dan''': ''[contacting the officials of Leon's proposition]'' Yes. Mmm-hmmm. I see. ''[hangs up]'' The officials in charge of the World Coronation series have agreed to Leon's suggestion! Ash, do you agree?
:'''Ash''': You bet! Sounds awesome! ''[Okay! Now we can start the show with this rule!]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Cynthia''': That's something Leon would do.
:'''Diantha''': Yes. This might become the kind of battle we'll never see again. 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Leon summons his Cinderace out while Ash summons his Pikachu.]''
:'''Ash''': I'm counting on you! I want you to be the first on the field.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Leon summons his Inteleon into battle. Leon has all three Galar starters which he must have obtained prior to becoming Champion! Now do you understand why the tradition of giving Ash, a region Champion, new starters has been banned after the Sun and Moon series, fans?! Ash summon his Gengar into the match.]''
:'''Ash''': This time, it's Inteleon?! It's like we're battling Goh's Pokémon!

==Toying With Your Motions!==
:''[Ash summons his Sirfetch'd into battle against Mr. Rime. Uh...]''
:'''Leon''': A Fighting type?
:'''Cynthia''': Against a Psychic type like Mr. Rime. Sirfetch'd is at a disadvantage.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Sirfetch'd uses Fury Cutter on the ice terrain, cancelling out Mr. Rime's field advantage.]''
:'''Announcer''': The energy of Psychic Terrain has been eliminated!!
:'''Mr. Rime''': Huh?
:'''Ash''': That's the way, Sirfetch'd! 
:'''Sirfetch'd''': Sirfetch'd. [That's how I do it.]
:'''Leon''': So that's the reason.
:'''Diantha''': Since it's a Bug-type move, it's capable of destroying a Psychic-type move? ''[You had to watch the Ash vs. Valerie Gym Battle, Diantha, because that is the same tactic Ash used before.]''
:'''Chloe''': I guess not all moves are meant to attack Pokémon.
:'''Dawn''': Yep! That's the way Ash rolls!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Leon's Dragapult strikes Dragonite with Dragon Tail switching Dragonite out for Mega Lucario]''
:'''Announcer''': It happened again with Dragon Tail! This time it forced Mega Lucario onto the field.
:'''Diantha''': It must be hard for Ash to work that way.
:'''Cynthia''': Ash may have more Pokémon remaining, but Leon's the one controlling the pace.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': ''[recalls his Lucario]'' Lucario, return. You gave it all that you had. I already knew Leon's strong! Even if I'm ahead, he catches up!
:'''Sonia''': Leon looks like he's not even trying. 
:'''Chloe''': Oh, Ash.
:'''Dawn''': He'll be fine! No need to worry! 
:'''James''': Dragapult's just too powerful.
:'''Meowth''': This could be bad news for the twerp.
:'''Jessie''': Get it together! We're up here cheering our little lungs out!
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobbuffet! [Get your act together!]

==Paring Pokémon While Parrying!==
:'''Leon''': When I bring out my Grass-type, a lot of opponents tend to use Flying-type attacks. This is how we answer that. 
:'''Dawn''': Offense is the best defense? Seems like Leon is acting a bit like Ash does.
:'''Chloe''': Huh?
:'''Dawn''': Don't you think that both of them have similar battling styles?
:'''Chloe''': Mm. 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Jessie''': Why, you big Champion jerk! 
:'''James''': He keeps grabbing the momentum.
:'''Meowth''': Nope. Pikachu and Dracovish are still in this thing.
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobbuffet! [I'm still worried though!]
:'''Leon''': Ash, thanks to you and your Pokémon, my Pokémon and I are truly living up to our greatest potential. But it's kind of really sad. You have two Pokémon. True, this battle has been great, but it's soon about to end.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[With Rillaboom down, both Ash and Leon have two Pokémon left. Now it's anybody's game.]''
:'''Announcer''': Ash caught up almost immeadiately! ''[Clemont and Bonnie are shown watching the game from the Lumiose Gym. This makes sense because Clemont and Bonnie have to run their Gym together which is why they could not show up to watch the game in person. They also appear to be aware that Ash should keep his guard up, but at least they are rooting for him]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[With Dracovish out, Pikachu is the only one left!]''
:'''Chloe''': Do you think they'll be alright?
:'''Dawn''': They'll be fine! Those two can handle anything!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Leon''': Hey, Ash.
:'''Ash''': Huh?
:'''Leon''': Charizard was my very first Pokémon. It's gone on all of my adventures. My partner from the very beginning. My very first battle. My very first catch. ''[a brief flashback shows a young Leon and his Charmander, alongside Sonia.]'' My very first evolution. Time and time again, it's been there with me.
:'''Ash''': I hear you, Leon. I've gone on every adventure with Pikachu. That's why I want Pikachu to beat Charizard.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Ash is ready to execute Pikachu's special Z-move]''
:'''Leon''': I've been waiting for this!
:'''Announcer''': Here we go! Ash and Pikachu have begun their Z-move!
:'''Ash''': Much bigger than a Thunderbolt! 10,000,000 Volt Thunderbolt! Yeah, this is much, much bigger! At super full power! ''[Ash's Alola team, Alolan companions (Lillie, Rotom Dex, Kiawe, Lana, Mallow, Sophocles) and their mons, Gladion, Professors Kukui and Burnet, Lei, and Principal Oak all watch the battle, rooting for their Alolan Champion. The Alolan companions and Gladion are students, the adults are staff members keeping the Alolan Pokémon school running and Kukui and Burnet have to take care of Lei and Ash's Alola team, which is why they did not appear in person at Wyndon Stadium.]'' 
:'''Pikachu''': Pika, Pika! [Behold our strength!]
:'''Ash''': Pikachu, use 10,000,000 Volt Thunderbolt!

==Partners in Time!==
:''[Eternatus flies around Wydon Stadium and it recharges both Ash and Leon's Dynamax bands and its sprinkling Galar particles around.]''
:'''Sonia''': Eternatus? But why?
:'''Professor Magnolia''': The stability of Galar particles is the stability of the Galar region. Eternatus appears to have just protected everyone of us and the region's peace. ''[Eternatus flies away. Guess Galar does need Eternatus after all.]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Leon''': Amazing! Eternatus gave us a bonus round! ''[showing his Dynamax band glowing.]''
:'''Ash''': Huh? ''[checks his Dynamax band and it is also glowing.]'' Yeah. My Dynamax band.
:'''Pikachu''': Pika? [What does that mean?]
:'''Leon''': I hope you're watching, Eternatus. Charizard return! ''[recalls his Charizard]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Leon''': Cinderace, return. ''[recalls Cinderace]'' You were the best. Great job Gigantamaxing. Alright, Ash! This will decide it! ''[readies Charizard]'' It's time to use our aces! 
:'''Ash''': Yeah! Partner vs partner!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Leon''': You did very well drive someone like me this far! You're helping me become stronger than ever! So, until the last move, I'd say we get even more fired up!
:'''Charizard''': ''[roars]'' [Come and get it!]
:'''Pikachu''': Pika! [Alright, I will!]
:'''Ash''': Thanks to you, we've gotten a whole lot stronger than before, Leon. This battle is the peak of all adventures Pikachu and I have had up until this point. That's why we're gonna win!
:''[During this dialogue, we see Professor Oak, Delia, Tracey and Ash's reserves still watching. The scene cuts to Misty at her gym watching the show (Misty had gym duties which is why she didn't show up at Wyndon). We see Brock, Cilan and Alexa watching (Cilan must have introduced Alexa to Brock). On top of that, Brock is working as a doctor, Cilan has connoisseur duties and Alexa is doing journalism which is why they also didn't appear at Wyndon. The scene cuts to Serena, Lisia, along with...May and Max! Keep in mind that May's Japanese voice actor had retired because of vocal problems and Max's Japanese voice actor retired from the business, which is why they don't have any lines. It's great that the two get to appear in a cameo and become friends with Serena. Also, all of them have performance completely scheduled unlike Dawn who performs on her own time.]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': Pikachu!
:''[Pikachu is getting exhausted. Everyone watching is worried. First Chloe and Dawn. Then Team Rocket. Then Diantha and Cynthia. Next is Misty. Then it goes to Serena holding hands with May who has one hand placed on Max's shoulder. Then Brock and Cilan (where's Alexa?). Next is Iris. Then it cuts to Clemont and Bonnie. Then the Alola cast (minus Sampson Oak?!). Then to Professor Oak, Delia and Tracey. And while Goh did not see the game, he is worried about Ash. Don't give up until it's over, Ash and Pikachu! Think of the times the two inspired their friends, surely they got Ash and Pikachu's back!]''
:'''Ash''': Pikachu!
:''[Pikachu starts to suffer a blackout...Inside the black void...]''
:'''Ash''': It's so cute! It's the best of all! Oh hi, Pikachu! ''[Pikachu zaps Ash. Then the black void becomes a white void. Just then Bulbasaur and Squirtle pop into the frame, followed by Charizard, Pidgeot and Butterfree.]''
:'''Bulbasaur''': Bulbasaur! [You're not giving up, are you?]
:'''Squirtle''': Squirtle! [You can do it, Pikachu!]
:'''Charizard''': ''[pops into the frame]'' Roar! [Get back up!]
:'''Pikachu''': Pi? [Huh?]
:'''Pidgeot''': Pidgeot! [I may not be here, but I know you are not done!]
:''[The rest of Ash's Generation I reserves appears: Mimey, Kingler, Primeape (fans are still mad at the writers for not returning Primeape to Ash), Snorlax, Muk, Lapras, 30 Tauros]''
:'''Mimey''': Mime! Mime! [We're all rooting for you!]
:'''Kingler, Muk, Snorlax, Tauros and Lapras''': ''[all cheer]'' [We got your back! Go, Pikachu, go! Keep up the pace! Don't slow down! Don't collapse on us!]
:''[Then Ash's Johto members: Noctowl, Bayleef, Quilava, Totodile, Donphan and Heracross...along with the Larvitar Ash travelled with but never caught.]''
:'''Noctowl''': Hoot! [Go get em, Pikachu!]
:'''Heracross''': Hera! [Don't stop, Pikachu!]
:'''The Johto Starters''': Quilava! Bay! Totodile! [Get back up! We're rooting for ya! Show me more energy!]
:'''Donphan and Larvitar''': Donphan! Larvitar! [Go, Pikachu! You can do it!]
:''[The next group are Ash's Hoenn/Battle Frontier team of Glalie, Corphish, Sceptile, Torkoal, Ambipom (fans are still mad at the writers for &quot;To Thine own Pokémon be True!&quot; because of Ambipom's release) and Swellow]''
:'''All members''': ''[each gave their exclamation as if to say...]'' [Don't give up! You're still in the running! Don't quit on us! Show your opponent who's boss! I may be not be a member of your team anymore, but I am always with you! Keep going, Pikachu!]
:''[Next up are the Sinnoh members: Infernape, Gliscor, Torterra, Staraptor, Buizel and Gible]''
:'''All Sinnoh members''': ''[all cheering]'' [Get back up! You are not going down that easy! Keep going, Pikachu! You're not going down! You're not through yet! Come on, Pikachu!]
:''[Then there's Ash's Unova team: Unfezant, Oshawott, Pignite, Snivy, Scraggy, Leavanny, Boldore, Palpitoad and Krookodile]''
:'''Ash's Unova members''': ''[all roaring]'' [Give it everything you got! Don't fail us now! Do it for us! You still have some strength left in ya! The game's not over yet! Keep on pushing! Keep battling! Don't quit on us! It's not cool to lose right now!]
:''[Ash's Kalos members are shown next: Greninja, Goodra (fans are still mad at the writers for &quot;Facing the Needs of the Many!&quot; because of these two releases), Talonflame, Hawlucha and Noivern]''
:'''Ash's Kalos members''': ''[all exclaming]'' [Don't give up until it's over! That's what Ash told us! We believe in you! Get back up and fight! Fight with all your might!]
:''[The Alolan Squad is shown next: Rowlet, Dusk Lycanroc, Incineroar, Naganadel, Melmetal and Nebby the Solgaleo]''
:'''Ash's Alola Team''': ''[more exclamation]'' [Come on! You've helped us won the Alola League! Surely, you can win this tournament as well! I'm always there for you in spirit! Don't let us down! Keep going, Pikachu!]
:''[Finally, the Journeys team: Dragonite, Lucario, Gengar, Sirfetch'd and Dracovish]''
:'''Ash's Journeys team''': ''[cheering for Pikachu as well. Ash also appears too]'' [Come on! This is your time to shine! Time to show Leon what you're made of! Keep having at them! Everyone's depending on you!]
:'''Ash''': You see, Pikachu? Everybody's backing us up!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Charizard collapses from exhaustion. You know what that means...]''
:'''Dan''': Charizard is unable to battle! Which means the victory goes to Ash! ''[Congratulations, Ash! You are now the very best like no one ever was!]''
:'''Announcer''': It's decided! We now have ourselves a new Champion! From the Kanto region, born in Pallet Town, Ash Ketchum!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Leon''': ''[enters the centre's wing]'' Look like Pikachu is feeling better. ''[His Charizard takes a look inside]''
:'''Ash''': Leon!
:'''Pikachu''': Pika! [Hey there!]
:'''Leon''': It was a good battle. Lots of fun too. 
:'''Ash''': I've feel the exact same way.
:'''Leon''': It made me think back my very first Pokémon battle. A great time. ''[The flashback revealed that Leon's Charmander lost to a Rookidee owned by Sonia herself. Leon gets upset about this loss.]'' Yet frustrated. Of course, that's what a Pokémon battle really is. From now on, I'm just another challenger. I'll have lots of battles and become even stronger.
:'''Ash''': Me too! I want to have tons of battles!
:'''Leon''': ''[extends his hand]'' Let's battle again sometime.
:'''Ash''': ''[accepts Leon's handshake]'' You got it! ''[Pikachu delivers a friendly headbutt to Charizard]''
:'''Dawn''': It's getting to be about time for the award ceremony, Ash!
:'''Chloe''': Hey Leon, you're coming too, right?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Diantha''': You know. I've suddenly got the urge to have a battle.
:'''Cynthia''': Great. Me too. I'm free. ''[Diantha and Cynthia were right to see a lot of potential in Ash when they met him for the first time.]''

==The Mew From Here!==
:''[Since Ash vs. Leon was happening at the same time, we get to see Project Mew. The Chasers had just landed on the island. Time to start the search but a little sightseeing full of wild Pokémon living there, first.]''
:'''Goh''': Oh. Amazing.
:'''Horace''': Yeah. 
:'''Goh''':This place is teeming with Pokémon life.
:'''Horace''': It's truly a Pokémon paradise.
:'''Quillon''': Let's go. ''[Time to get back to the mission]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[At the mountain base]''
:'''Goh''': Does it have to be that tall?
:'''Horace''': And it gives off a pristine vibe.
:'''Danika''': Ancient fishermen gave it the name of Sharishariima.
:'''Goh''': Sharishari?
:'''Quillon''': A sound like an evil monster attacking humans.
:'''Gary''': One shouldn't even approach a mountain of horrors like that. Wasn't that the message? ''[Sure, unless there is something important to find in that area.]''
:'''Danika''': Geologically, this mountain is very important. It hasn't changed its shape in several hundred million years.
:'''Quillon''': In ancient times, this might have been the axis or the centre of the world.

==In the Palm of our Hands!==

==Heroes Unite!==
:''[While camping out with Grookey, Cinderace, Ash, Pikachu, Chloe, and Eevee, Goh rises from his chair and looks at Ash, preparing to come clean about traveling on his own]''
:'''Goh''': Hey, Ash?
:'''Ash''': Hm? ''[Chloe looks at the duo]'' What's up, Goh?
:''[Goh starts to hesitate, then smiles, unwilling to leave Ash for the sake of their friendship]''
:'''Ash''': Huh?
:'''Goh''': No, it's really nothing. I'm sorry.
:'''Ash''': Okay.
:'''Goh''': ''[looking at the starry night]'' The stars are really pretty tonight, you know?
:'''Ash''': ''[also rising from his chair]'' Goh?
:'''Goh''': Huh?
:'''Ash''': I'm taking another journey. ''[Both Goh and Chloe gasped in shock at what Ash just said]'' I'll be heading out with Pikachu, of course.
:'''Pikachu''': Pika.
:''[Logs burning in the fire begin to tumble still, as Goh looks down, feeling betrayed by Ash's intention to continue his journey without him]''
:'''Goh''': ''[distraught]'' You're heading out... without... talking about it?
:'''Ash''': ''[looking surprised]'' Huh?
:'''Goh''': And you're doing it... without asking anybody?!
:'''Ash''': Hey, Goh?
:'''Goh''': So we weren't... GOOD FRIENDS AFTER ALL!!! ''[tearfully running away from the camp with Grookey and Cinderace, taking his bag with him]'' WE'RE THROUGH!!!
:'''Cinderace''': Cinde!
:''[Ash and Pikachu are left stunned and perplexed by Goh's reaction]''
:'''Chloe''': The thing is... Goh is conflicted.
:'''Ash''': About what?
:'''Chloe''': Taking his own journey.
:'''Ash''': ''[gasps]'' Conflicted, huh?
:'''Chloe''': But he just couldn't decide all by himself. He thought that would betray your friendship. ''[taking her bag with her]'' Maybe you didn't realize how much you mean to him. You're the first real friend he's made.
:''[Chloe leaves the camp with Eevee in search for Goh, while Ash and Pikachu sees them off before going to find Goh as well]''
:'''Ash''': Goh!

==This Could be the Starts of Something Big!==

==The Road Most Traveled!==
:''[Note: Starting in this episode, Ash FINALLY begins to use and rotate his reserves. Unfortunately, this is too little, too late, as the writers should have had Ash used them at the start of the Generation VIII series while building a new team and not make Ash overuse his current team while ignoring the reserves just like he did in Hoenn, Unova, Kalos, Alola and the World Coronation Series. The tradition of Ash overusing his current team, while ignoring the reserves, is now and forever the most hated concept of all time.]''

:''[Both Ash and Pikachu reach a fork in the road. Which route to take?]''
:'''Ash''': So which one should we take?
:'''Pikachu''': Pika. [Let's decide] ''[Ash finds a nearby stick near one of the tree roots.]''
:'''Ash''': Right. This'll decide. How about we go where the leaves point? ''[He tosses the stick in to the air allowing Pikachu to swat it with his tail. The stick spins into the air for a bit before landing and pointing towards the left.]'' To the left! ''[The two start, only for Ash to turn around. Are you for real, Ash?]'' I thought so but I want to go the other way. It just sort of hit me. ''[Pikachu retaliates by zapping Ash's hat off.]'' 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Something invisible has crashed into a lake. Ash, Pikachu, Sceptile, Noivern and Donphan all check it out]''
:'''Ash''': Something's over there. ''[The figure becomes visible and shows off its redness]'' Isn't that? ''[He pulls Latias to the surface]'' Hang in there, Latias. ''[Latias is freaking out and tries to flee only to fail because it is too injured.]'' Stop! Calm down! Please! What's wrong, Latias? I'm sorry I scared you. ''[Both Ash and Latias head towards the lakeshore, only to sink.]'' Buizel! ''[summons his Buizel. Buizel does help push Latias to the shore.]'' Hey, thanks, that's awesome.

==A Fated Face-Off!==

==Must be our Heroes and the Witch!==
:'''Kathy''': Thanks for your patience. Here's some sandwiches and a dish of some special Pokémon food.
:'''Ash and Misty''': Wow! Time to dig in!
:'''Ash''': The yummiest!
:'''Misty''': The best!
:'''Ash''': But I feel like I've tasted something like this before.
:'''Misty''': I was just thinking the exact same thing.
:'''Ash''': These are the most delicious things I've had. ''[At this point, Kathy is carrying a couple drinks on a tray and passing by hearing the two's conversations]''
:'''Kathy''': Why thank you. Mr. Chef, you're being praised! Come on out!
:'''Brock''': Ah ha. Thank you so much. ''[What on earth are you doing here?! Shouldn't you be working as a doctor?]''
:'''Ash and Misty''': Hey, it's Brock!
:'''Brock''': Ash! Misty! ''[Pikachu jumps onto Brock's shoulder]''
:'''Pikachu''': Pikachu! [Hello again, Brock!]
:'''Brock''': Nice to see you, Pikachu.
:'''Misty''': Brock, so what are you doing here?
:'''Brock''': What does it look like? I've taken a job here as the restaurant's head chef, of course. ''[Oh, you have got to be kidding the fans!]''
:'''Misty''': But you're a Pokémon doctor!
:'''Brock''': I chose this! I'm devoting my life to helping her all she does.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Brock''': ''[upon learning that Kathy has a fiancee]'' I was on fire, now I'm burned out.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[A voice off-camera recognizes Ash. Could it be...]''
:'''Cilan''': Huh? Ash? ''[Both Ash and Misty turn their attention to Ash's former Unova companion]''
:'''Ash''': Cilan!
:'''Cilan''': It really is you! ''[Ash and Cilan shake hands]''
:'''Both Ash and Cilan''': Long time! 
:'''Misty''': You're the one who gave Ash that lure.
:'''Ash''': Meet my good friend from a bunch of journeys. You'll love her!
:'''Misty''': I am Cerulean Gym Leader, Misty, with beauty known around the world!
:'''Cilan''': But of course. A sensational sister of Cerulean City. ''[Fans think only Daisy deserves the title, not Lily and Violet.]''
:'''Misty''': They're my three older sisters.
:'''Cilan''': Sisters? So Sensational sisters and a side of weak tea...
:'''Misty''': WEAK TEA?! ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A FIGHT?!
:'''Cilan''': Uhhh...that wasn't what I meant.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Cilan''': It's Brock!
:'''Misty''': You know him?
:'''Cilan''': We became friends in the Johto region just a little while back. We watched your final match together. Oh yeah, congrats on the win! ''[There was an undubbed post Black and White episode where Cilan did meet Brock]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jessie''': The Twerps are history! Where did they go?
:'''James''': How unusual. They were headed this way...
:'''Meowth''': If this keeps up, I'll never get the sweet head pat rewards from the loving hands of the Boss.
:'''Jessie''': Moving up to division leadership!
:'''James''': Social advancement and a party!
:'''Meowth''': Full tummies!
:'''Team Rocket''': We want food!
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobbuffet!
:'''Hattrem''': Hatt...
:'''Jessie''': Oh, wait. Who is that Pokémon?
:'''James''': Hattrem!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Brock''': With this, I've discovered I'm still going to need a lot more experience. So, I'll travel with Ash and crew and train up my heart the right way. ''[Now, that's what fans are talking about. Don't give up on your doctor job.]''
:'''Ash''': Wow, another good friend is coming along.
:'''Misty''': That means we'll have great food!
:'''Ash''': Yeah and meals Brock and Cilan make are totally awesome.
:'''Cilan''': As much as I appreciate the compliments, I'm on my own from here.
:'''Ash''': Huh? You're not travelling with us?
:'''Cilan''': Ingo and Emmett will be holding an event to unveil a brand new train car and I really have to be there! There will be a new lunchbox!
:'''Ash''': Really? Then let's meet up again!
:'''Cilan''': And best wishes! Take good care!
:'''Ash''': Best wishes for a great journey!

==Bearing Down Easy!==
:'''Ash''': Guys, I think that Beartic may be having trouble using its Ice type powers.
:'''Misty''': Really? It made some pretty good ice pillars.
:'''Brock''': That isn't what Beartic intended to do. It's strange, but it only seems to be freezing things when it's startled or scared.

==A Squad Worth of Passion!==
:'''Jessie''': What a racket! What's the problem?
:'''Meowth''': It's the twerp replay.
:'''James''': You don't think they came to reassess the Squirtle Squad, do you?
:'''Jessie''': Stop, that's not even half a joke!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Misty''': ''[drags Brock away with Croagunk's help. Hey, seems Croagunk and Misty share something in common!]'' Yeah, yeah, fate's had enough of your world, thank you.
:'''Brock''': The double broken heart is twice as painful.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[As the Squirtle Squad leave for another trip on firefighting business, a large crowd is running towards Ash and the gang. Wait a second...]''
:'''Girl''': Hey, wait for us!
:'''Ash''': They're Squirtle's fans! ''[True, but they're not here for Squirtle...]''
:'''Brock''': That's popularity.  
:'''Random fan''': I knew it! It's Ash the Champion! ''[Hey, Ash is finally acknowledge as a World Champion]'' 
:'''Ash''': Oh, you mean me?
:'''Pikachu''': Pika. [Yes, you.]
:'''Brock''': We sure have a popular one right here.
:''[The crowd surrounds Ash asking for his autographs. This might take a while...]''
:'''Pikachu''': Pika! Pika! [Hey, take it easy!]
:'''Ash''': Why are they doing this to us?!

==The Same Moon, Now and Forever!==

==Ride, Lapras, Ride!==

==Getting to the Heart of it All!==

==Rocket Revengers!==
:''[Delibird throws several Poké-balls into the air.]''
:'''Team Rocket''': Huh?
:''[Could it be...? It is! It's Team Rocket's old Pokémon that were left at HQ: Yanmega, Seviper, Woobat, Frillish, Gourgeist, Mime Jr., Yamask, Inkay, Amoonguss and Carnivine! Each of Team Rocket's old Pokémon announce themselves.]''
:'''Yanmega''': Yan-Yan! [Hello again!]
:'''Seviper''': Seviper! [Long time no see!]
:'''Woobat''': Woobat-Woobat! [Did you miss us?]
:'''Frillish''': Frillish-Frillish! [It's great to be back!]
:'''Gourgeist''': Gourgeist-Gour! [What's up?]
:'''Mime Jr.''': Mime-Mime-Mime-Mime! [Just like good old days!]
:'''Yamask''': Yamask! [Ready to work!]
:'''Inkay''': Inkay-Ink! [I'm in for some more fun!]
:'''Amoonguss''': Amoonguss! [Love the surprise?]
:'''Carnivine''': Carnivine! [It's going to be delightful!]
:'''Morpeko''': Mor-Morpeko. [You must be the other mons Jessie and James mentioned.]
:''[Team Rocket cheered in excitement at seeing their old Pokémon again. Just like the good old days!]''
:'''Jessie''': Dear Frillish, and Gourgeist and Woobat and Yanmega! Seviper! Dearies! ''[Her Pokémon are cuddling her quite well.]''
:'''James''': Inkay, Mime Jr., Amoonguss, Dear Yamask! Chomp down, Carnivine! ''[James' mons are cuddling him as well with Carnivine biting James' head. The writers shouldn't have created the Rocket Prize Master in the first place at all!]''
:'''Meowth''': Nothing like a Pokémon party to rock the house!
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobba-Wobbuffet! [I sure miss those guys!]
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Delibird also summons a golden statue of Giovanni as well. The eyes on the statue turn blue to indicate that Giovanni is contacting them through the statue]''
:'''Giovanni''': Jessie, James, Meowth.
:'''Jessie, James, Meowth''': Giovanni, sir!
:'''Giovanni''': I want you to take responsibility for the Pokémon you have caught up to this point. ''[Wish you done that earlier, instead of having them use the Rocket Prize Master, Giovanni?]''
:'''Jessie, James, Meowth''': Yes, sir!
:'''Giovanni''': That is all. ''[The statue explodes]'' 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Jessie''': It brings back memories and this face and that face and of all our assignments. ''[a fantasy version of Weezing, Arbok (both released in Hoenn to protect the wild Koffing and Ekans), Victreebel (traded away for another Weepinbell by the Magikarp salesman before they both got released in Johto), Dustox (released in Sinnoh to mate with a Shiny Dustox), Lickitung (Jessie accidentally traded her Lickitung for Benny's Wobbuffet in Johto), Chimecho (James left it behind in one of his summer cottages after Chimecho was too ill to continue), Cacnea (given away to Gardenia in Sinnoh to master Drain Punch), Mareanie and Mimikyu (both left behind in Alola) all appear. So when are the Rocket Gang going to reunite with them again, not counting Mareanie and Mimikyu?]'' 
:'''Meowth''': I hope they are feeling all the love.
:'''Jessie''': For the sake of those who did their love and best...
:'''James''': And for the sake of giving the boss a tiny bit of peace...
:'''Both Jessie and James''': We'll get our hands on Pikachu, that's what we'll do!
:'''Meowth''': And we'll let the world know Team Rocket's Revenge Mission is riding again!
:'''Jessie''': That makes us sound like real villains!
:'''James''': Totally nasty!
:'''Meowth''': All we need are the details of a plan.
:'''James''': Pick me, please! I've got some rocking plans! Right, Mime Jr.?
:'''Mime Jr.''': Mime-Mime! (Right, James!)
:'''Jessie''': Perhaps you'd like to explain it now, Mr. Plan Maker.

==Ash and Latios!==

==The Rainbow and the Pokémon Master!==
:''[Note: This is the last episode where Ash and Pikachu are the main protagonists.]''
:'''Tracey''': Ash! Pikachu!
:'''Ash''': Good morning, Tracey!
:'''Pikachu''': Pikachu. [Morning, Marill.]
:'''Marill''': Ma-marill [Hi, Pikachu.]
:'''Ash''': Where are you going?
:'''Tracey''': I got to run an errand for the Professor, so I'll be out for a while. Take over while I'm gone.
:'''Ash''': Sure. Leave it to me. Have Charmander, Squirtle and Bulbasaur arrived? The Professor said I could see them before they go to new trainers.
:'''Tracey''': They've arrived a while ago. The Professor will be giving them checkups.
:'''Ash''': Gotta see that! Pikachu, let's go! ''[Both Ash and Pikachu head to the lab]''
:'''Tracey''': Well, Marill. Let's be on our way too. 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Gary''': Hey thanks for finding Charmander. I'm the one who grabbed these three guys to the lab.
:'''Ash''': Oh really, that was you? Lucky you, huh? You got to go explore!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': Heading out already?
:'''Gary''': I may not look it, but I'm pretty busy. Oh hey, Ash. I still haven't mentioned it yet. Congratulations on being champ.
:'''Ash''': Uhhh...thanks a lot, Gary. 
:'''Gary''': So, now that you're the Champion, just how close are you to becoming a Pokémon Master? ''[Ash is confused, but Gary has faith that Ash will figure it out.]'' Later. ''[leaves the lab with his Umbreon.]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': ''[noticing his Pidgeot that he released at the end of the Indigo League run. Took you long enough, writers.]'' Pidgeot! You saved us!
:'''Jessie''': What's going on?
:'''Meowth''': I think the twerp's Pidgeotto evolved. ''[The Rocket gang freak out by this revelation]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': You saved us, Pidgeot! Thanks a lot!
:'''Pikachu''': Pika-pika! [Glad you're back!]
:'''Pidgeot''': Pidgeot! [Anytime!]
:''[Just then, Pidgeot's flock of wild Pidgey and Pidgeotto arrive]''
:'''Pikachu''': Pika! [Look at that flock!]
:'''Ash''': Is it me, or is everybody bigger than last time?
:'''Pidgeot''': Geot! [Oh, they've grown up and gotten stronger!]
:'''Pidgeotto''': Geottot-Pidgeotto! [Go be with your trainer again. We're old enough to take care of ourselves!]
:'''Pidgeot''': Pidgeot! [Take care then!]
:'''Pikachu''': Pika? [Do you...?]
:'''Ash''': Wanna come travel with me again?
:'''Pidgeot''': Pidgeot! [Yes! I am long overdue for one!]
:''[The flock bid farewell to Pidgeot assuring that they can run the forest quite well on their own. Pidgeot bids farewell to his former group as well before returning to Ash, finally fulfilling the promise that Ash would come back for Pidgeot.]''
:'''Ash''': Pidgeot, it's so awesome to have you back!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': Pikachu.
:'''Pikachu''': Pi? [Yes?]
:'''Ash''': Remember what we saw Gary the other day?
:'''Pikachu''': Pikachu? [What about it?]
:'''Ash''': He asked me... he asked me how close I got into becoming a Pokémon Master. Being Champion isn't my goal. The thing is I still think of myself as a challenger. I wanna go on a lot more adventures, meet lots more Pokémon, and take everything I learned every day and put it to good use. That includes meeting Latios.
:'''Pikachu''': Pika. [I see.]
:'''Ash''': The thing is... I wanna be friends with all of the Pokémon in the world. That's what it means to be a Pokémon Master.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Last lines]''
:'''Ash''': Hmm. Which way do you wanna go?
:'''Pikachu''': Pika. ''[spots a twig]'' Pi?
:'''Ash''': Huh?
:'''Pikachu''': Pika!
:''[Pikachu picks up a twig and gives it to Ash. Then Ash tosses it into the air to decide which way his journey will take him and Pikachu next. Farewell, Ash, until we meet you again...]''

[[Category:Japanese TV shows]]
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{{Pokémon header}}
----
This is a list of episodes in Pokémon Ultimate Journeys: The Series, the twenty-fifth season of the Pokémon animated series (ポケットモンスター Poketto Monsutā?, Pokét Monsters), covering the adventures of series protagonist Ash Ketchum and his new travelling companion Goh as they travel around the Pokémon world, based at the Cerise Research Laboratory in Vermilion City in the Kanto region.

==The Spectral Express!==

==The Winding Path to Greatness==

==It's All in the Name!==
:''[Note: This episode is dedicated in memory of Ren's voice actor, Billy Kametz, who passed away on June 9, 2022, shortly after recording this episode]''

:'''Ash''': Hey, whatcha got in the box, Ren?
:'''Ren''': After being out for repairs, it's finally back. A lamp that Francois really loves! ''[after plugging it in]'' Come on out! It's lunchtime!
:'''Francois/ Magnemite''': Magnemite! [Alright!] ''[begins absorbing the electricity from the lamp]''

==Suffering the Flings and Arrows!==
:''[Note: This episode was to apologize to fans for making Erika a jerk and an irresponsible Gym Leader in the original series. Granted, Ash was rude back then, but still. As of this episode, fans have finally forgave the writers for this serious offence in the original series.]''

:'''Erika''': Welcome to the Celadon Gym. Nice to meet you. My name is Erika, the Gym Leader.
:'''Ash, Goh and Chloe''': Hi there, it's a pleasure to see you.
:'''Erika''': Thank you. ''[recognizes Ash]'' Oh my, don't I know you?
:'''Ash''': ''[a bit nervous]'' That's right, I'm Ash.
:'''Erika''': I recognize you now. Hi Ash! ''[cut to flashback where Ash rescued her Gloom from the fire]'' You helped rescue all the Pokémon after the Gym caught fire. I want to thank you again. You did a really wonderful thing!
:'''Ash''': Aww...
:'''Goh''': Ash, you really did that? ''[It does hint that neither Ash nor Erika were proud of making a bad first impression of each other since they don't mention the issues that caused the Celadon Gym to get caught on fire to Goh or Chloe]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Goh has decided to decorate flowers on Pinsir to make Heracross and Pinsir a happy couple, only to attract the attention of Erika]''
:'''Erika''': A happy couple?! ''[starts to get mad. Don't you remember what you did wrong in the original series when you acted like that?!]'' Could it be you want to use Pokémon flower arranging for romance?!
:'''Goh''': ''[getting nervous]'' Uhhh...well, it's just that... ''[in his mind]'' Am I doing this for the wrong reasons?!
:''[a brief stare down later]''
:'''Erika''': ''[getting cheerful again...whew]'' I think that's wonderful! A trainer would want to see their Pokémon be happy! I insist that you two allow me to help you out!

==The Good, The Bad and The Lucky!==
:''[Note: Since fans were curious as to why Cassidy and Butch were replaced by Matori at the end of the Diamond and Pearl series, fans get to know what became of the two]''

:'''Cassidy''': Relax, it's not going anywhere and there's more where that came from.
:'''Raticate''': Raticate! [Please, enjoy!]
:'''Jessie''': This is scrumpty! 
:'''James''': It's not everyday that a complete stranger would come and save our lives! ''[suddenly recognizes Cassidy]'' Time out! I've seen you before!
:'''Cassidy''': Normally, I wouldn't respond to that but I'll be glad to show you who you are dealing with.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The Team Rocket learn that the cafe owner is none other than Cassidy!]'' 
:'''The Gang''': Cassidy?!
:'''Jessie''': What are you doing in a place like this?!
:'''James''': I venture in a guess that you are on some super secret Team Rocket mission! Am I right?
:'''Cassidy''': Missed it by a mile. I quit. ''[The gang are confused]'' 
:'''Jessie''': My leg's been pulled by a mile quite enough.
:'''Cassidy''': Team Rocket was part of my life but it wasn't all. 
:'''James''': Things besides Team Rocket?
:'''Meowth''': Just what do you mean?
:'''Cassidy''': It's true we were elite members, miles above you, but all those failed mission reports- awful! The grind had simply worn us down.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[A familiar face and voice steps out of the bakery. It's Butch who also quit Team Rocket!]''
:'''Butch''': ''[excited]'' We have customers? ''[shocked to see Jessie, Wobbuffet and Meowth]'' IT CAN'T BE YOU!
:'''Jessie''': So, who are you?
:'''Butch''': Normally, I wouldn't answer that but I'm glad to show you...''[the gang freak out]''
:'''Jessie''': Botch, it's you!
:'''Butch''': The name's Butch, okay?! The name is BUTCH!
:''[Later, Jessie, Wobbuffet and Meowth are enjoying bread Butch gave them]''
:'''Jessie''': Yum! What is this?
:'''Meowth''': It rocks my world!
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobbuffet! [So delicious!]
:'''Butch''': Ehh...to tell the truth...
:'''Jessie''': Don't say another word. All those lousy, loser reports and the grind had simply worn you down, right?
:'''Butch''': ''[a bit annoyed]'' Look, it's my story to tell so let me talk.
:'''Meowth''': Cassidy gave us the lowdown.
:'''Butch''': Huh? You already met with her?
:'''Jessie''': Butch, we like to pay for that yummy food you gave us by working for it.
:'''Butch''': THE NAME IS BOTCH! ''[realizes that Jessie pronounced his name correctly]'' Hmmm...she's right.

==Lighting the Way Home!==
==An Evolution in Taste!==
==Out of Their Elements!==
==Battling Turned Up to Eleven!==
:''[Ash and Goh arrived in Spikemuth after being tricked by Team Yell that the World Coronation series match is here. The city is dark and empty. Not a good place to have a World Coronation series match...]''
:'''Ash''': We're going to have a battle here? ''[Even Pikachu is baffled]''
:'''Goh''': Yep, apparently the directions Team Yell gave us lead right to this location. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Piers''': ROCK AND ROLL! ''[while practing with his Rillaboom, two Toxtricity and Obstagoon]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Both Pikachu's Thunderbolt and Toxtricity's Discharge attacks cancel each other out]''
:'''Ash''': Hey, that wasn't nice!
:'''Piers''': We're in the middle of a rehearsal, so no one is allowed inside.
:'''Goh''': But hold on, isn't this a gym? 
:'''Piers''': It's our gym, it's our stage. Spikemuth Gym. I'm the Gym Leader here, a real genius with Dark types. Mournful Piers is what the fans call me! Now meet the band! On backing vocals, Obstagoon! ''[Obstagoon screams like the band members of KISS]'' On drums, Rillaboom! On guitar, Toxtricity (Amped form)! On bass, Toxtricity (Low-key form)! 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Ash''': I'm here for the World Coronation series! My name is Ash! I'm battling today! 
:'''Piers''': Wait, your name is Ash? Are you in the Ultra Class? And you are from the Kanto region?
:'''Ash''': Right, so you're saying you've heard of me?
:'''Goh''': Wow Ash! You're famous!
:'''Piers''': That's weird. Marnie should be waiting for you over at Wyndon Stadium.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[A weary Piers sighs in annoyance, hinting that Team Yell has a bad habit of sabotaging Marnie's opponents. Good thing Piers is a Team leader that is not a villain.]''
:'''Piers''': They're part of our crew. Sorry if they messed you up.
:'''Ash''': So, how do you know about Marnie?
:'''Piers''': She's my little sister.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Marnie''': No, I can't do that! ''[accept a default win]'' I want a real battle, you hear me? I'm gonna wait.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Marnie learns that her fanclub, Team Yell, attempted sabotage from Ash]''
:'''Marnie''': ''[to Team Yell]'' SHUT YOUR BIG YAPS! ''[to Ash]'' Hey, did that lot really lie to you?
:'''Ash''': Uh-huh. They said the match was somewhere else. Thankfully, Piers drove me here, himself.
:'''Marnie''': My bro did that?
:'''Team Yell grunt''': We really wanted you to win, Marnie! You win and it'll help Spikemuth out, don't you see that?
:'''Marnie''': Not if I win that way! ''[The Team Yell grunts all freak out. You know you did wrong when your idol chews you out for your actions]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Marnie does the friendly smile pose just like in the games]''
:'''Marnie''': Thanks for today. I loved our match. But mark my words, Ash. I won't lose again! 
:'''Ash''': ''[nods in agreement and shakes Marnie's hand]'' We'll both do our best!
:'''Pikachu''': Pikachu! [Take care, Marnie!]

==Meeting Up with the Monarch!==
:''[two kids are running to watch the show]''
:'''Boy 1''': We got to hurry, Leon's battle has already started! 
:'''Boy 2''': Yeah, I know!
:'''Ash''': Huh, Leon's having a battle! Wait a second! Hang on.
:'''Boy 1''': Huh? You beat Marnie yesterday!
:'''Boy 2''': We saw it all! You were really strong! ''[hmmm...Ash is sure becoming more famous...]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Flint''': ''[recalls his defeated Infernape]'' That's why you're the Champion. Thank you. ''[shakes Leon's hand. Back to training, Flint...]''
:'''Leon''': Good battle. Let's do it again. ''[sounds a lot like Ash would say...]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Goh asks Sonia about what Leon is like]''
:'''Sonia''': Let me see...He can't sit still when he sees a Pokémon, kind of like a really big kid who just loves all of them.
:'''Goh''': A kid who really loves Pokémon? You know, that sounds just like Ash.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Goh questions Sonia about Leon's early life]''
:'''Sonia''': I'll tell you. Leon didn't have many friends when he was small. 
:'''Goh''': Really, why is that?
:'''Sonia''': He was probably too busy caring for his little brother [Hop] or doing chores which didn't leave him much time to play with his classmates. But I was his friend, so he saw me now and again. But one day, he befriended Charmander. And as he learned about Pokémon battles, suddenly friends, rivals, and all sorts of people surrounded him. I guess you could say that Pokémon truly expanded Leon's world! 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The drawback of being a Champion.]''
:'''Ash''': Hey Leon, what's it like to be a Champion, anyways?
:'''Leon''': ''[a bit glum]'' I'm scared all the time.
:'''Ash''': Huh?
:'''Leon''': I've never lost a Pokémon battle before. And that scares me a lot. I'm scared I reached my limit and I can't grow anymore, that I can't get any stronger than I am now. ''[cut to a flashback of the Darkest Day arc]'' But when that happened...
:'''Ash''': ''[flashback]'' The sky!
:'''Goh''': ''[flashback]'' Could that be Eternatus?
:'''Leon''': ''[continuing the narration]'' I tried, but I couldn't put a scratch on Eternatus. ''[goes back to the present]'' I was frustrated but excited at the same time. There are still many in this world that are much stronger than I am. But, I'm still chasing after them! I've got a lot of work to do to grow stronger!

==A One-Stick Wonder!==
:''[Note: Many fans still insist that Ash should have gotten Thwackey as to make up for not getting Grookey and continue the tradition of giving Ash a starter. However, current generation starters are not allowed to double up between main protagonists because it will get confusing and people will accuse the writers of playing favourites. Also, Ash is still a region Champion thus giving a starter will still be seen as a large downgrade in Ash's skill]''

:'''Goh''': The Wild Area offers a chance to catch unlimited Pokémon! Or at least that's what I thought...''[it's revealed that Grookey ruined Goh's chance of getting an Applin, causing it to run away]'' Grookey, you could be a little less rambunctious.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Goh notices that the Thwackey has only one stick instead of two]''
:'''Goh''': Huh? It should have two sticks. ''[The one-stick Thwackey runs off]''
:'''Ash''': Oh look, it's getting away!
:'''Goh''': ''[throws the Pokéball at the Thwackey. Really, Goh?! You can't be bothered to evolve your own Grookey?!]'' Poké-ball, go! ''[Thwackey swats it away]'' What are you- ''[rightfully gets hit in the face with the Poké-ball.]''

==Battling in the Freezing Raid!==
==The Future is Now, Thanks to Strategy!==
:''[As Ash heads to Lumiose Gym, he sees a television that is promoting an upcoming event which is none other than Ash's World Coronation series match against Drasna, the Dragon-type user of the Kalos Elite Four]''
:'''Announcer on TV''': It's the Pokémon World Coronation Series Ultra Class! And for tomorrow's match, we'll bring you the 12th ranked competitor, Drasna! And...''[Ash's face appears on the television screen much to Ash &amp; Pikachu's shock]''
:'''Ash''': Ahhh! That's me!
:'''Announcer on TV''': A rising star from Kanto who has been climbing his way up the ranks at number 15, Ash! It's almost time, right, Drasna? ''[Nice that Ash is getting acknowledgement for his accomplishments, yet they still don't mention that he's Alola Champion?]''
:'''Drasna''': I believe Ash is extremely talented which makes me very happy to compete against him!
:'''Announcer on TV''': Well, folks, you heard it here first. We've been speaking to Drasna. Thanks again! ''[The report ends and cuts to a picture of Diantha and her Gardevoir.]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Ash''': Clemont!
:'''Pikachu''': Pika! (Clemont!)
:'''Clemont''': Ash! Pikachu! Great to see you!
:''[Pikachu goes up to Luxray and they bump fists, which are sparking electricity.]''
:'''Pikachu''': Pikachu! (Hey, Luxray!)
:'''Luxray''': Luxray. (Long time no see, Pikachu.)
:'''Clemont''': Your opponent really surprised me! You're battling ''the'' Drasna of the Elite Four!
:'''Ash''': Uh-huh! And my Pokémon are so psyched!
:'''Clemont''': So, for old time's sake...
:'''Both Ash and Clemont''': Everybody, come on out! ''[Ash's team appears alongside Clemont's Chespin and... his newly evolved Diggersby!]''
:'''Clemont''': ''[Dragonite excitedly hugs Clemont]'' Wow! It's Dragonite! ''[Dracovish starts nibbling on Ash's head]'' Who's that Pokémon?!
:'''Ash''': Its name is Dracovish. It was restored from fossils found in Galar! I think it's kinda rare.
:'''Clemont''': Hi! Nice to meet you!
:''[Ash notices that Clemont's Bunnelby is now a Diggersby, who is playing with Pikachu and Chespin]''
:'''Ash''': Diggersby?
:'''Clemont''': Right! My Bunnelby finally evolved!
:'''Diggersby''': Diggersby! Diggersby! (What do you think? Like my new look?)

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Goh''': Now, the route from here to Lumiose City Gym…
:'''Bonnie''': I'm going to Lumiose City Gym, too!
:'''Goh''': Really?
:'''Bonnie''': It's my brother's gym.
:'''Goh''': Nice. Your brother?!
:'''Bonnie''': Yeah!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Somewhere in the Castle of Chivalry, Drasna and her Altaria are practicing with Wikstrom and Escavalier...]''
:'''Drasna''': Just the cutting edge I expect. Great, Wikstrom!
:'''Wikstrom''': I return the words of praise. I'll never lower my guard!

==Taking Two For The Team!==
:'''Wikstrom''': Madam Drasna has truly been looking forward to offering you her greetings.
:'''Drasna''': Nice to meet you. Now Altaria, please say hello, too.
:'''Altaria''': Altaria! [Hello!] ''[begins spinning around]'' Taria! Taria! Altaria! [Wee-hee-hee! It's a pleasure to meet you!]
:'''Drasna''': Simply beautiful! Altaria is my number one Pokémon partner. We both wish you and yours the very best!
:'''Ash''':  ''[nervously]'' Gee, thanks! Right backatcha! Let's have a great match! ''[extends his hand to Drasna]''
:'''Drasna''': ''[accepts the handshake]'' I've done quite a bit of research on your battle history. ''[starts to crush Ash's hand...and gets a bit sinister]'' However, your series of easy wins is over as of this day. 
:'''Pikachu''': Pi! Pi-Pika? [Yikes, she's that threatening?!]
:'''Drasna''': ''[reverts to her cheery self]'' And so I bid you a good day! ''[heads off to the stadium with her Altaria. We all know Ash's bad track record when battling Elite Four members up until this point.]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Drasna''': What did you think of them, Altaria?
:'''Altaria''': Altaria! [They don't scare us!]
:'''Drasna''': Today's battle looks to be most enjoyable.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Goh''': She looks like a nice person.
:'''Grookey''': Grookey-key! [My thoughts exactly!]
:'''Clemont''': Not a chance. She fools everyone with that smile of hers.
:'''Bonnie''': And you can trust what my brother says. He didn't stand a chance against her!
:'''Dedenne''': Denne! [That bad!]
:'''Clemont''': You could've stopped before the last part!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Dracovish tries to use Ice Fang but Altaria counters with Cotton Guard causing Dracovish to fly backwards. Altaria is 4x weak to Ice...what is going on here?]''
:'''Drasna''': Aren't those feathers wonderful? They're protection for Altaria from high damaging hits. ''[Ash growls in frustration]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Dracovish uses Water Gun to soak Mega Altaria and cancel Sky Attack]''
:'''Drasna''': ''[opens her eyes where it is revealed they are black just like her hair]'' Alright, now you've done it!
:'''Ash''': Alright! Wrap it up! Use Dragon Rush!
:'''Clemont''': ''[senses something wrong since Ash never fought a Mega Altaria before]'' Don't do that, Ash! NO!
:''[Dracovish does hit Mega Altaria but it causes Dracovish to fly backwards again. Pikachu exclaims in shock. You know what that means...]''
:'''Ash''': Didn't do a thing!
:'''Announcer''': Mega Altaria took no damage at all!
:'''Goh''': How is that possible?!
:'''Clemont''': When Altaria Mega evolves, it changes from a Dragon and Flying type... 
:'''Drasna''': ...and into a Dragon and '''Fairy''' type! Everything is going exactly as I planned in the first place!
:'''Ash''': Augh! Dragon-type attacks don't affect Fairy-type Pokémon.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Drasna's Noivern collapses from exhaustion]''
:'''Rotom Drone''': Noivern is unable to battle! Dracovish is the winner, which means the victory goes to Ash! ''[You did it, Ash! You finally defeated a member of the Elite Four!]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Announcer''': Ash has risen to 9th place in the Ultra Class! ''[Now, if Ash wants to reach the Masters 8, he has to defeat a member from the Masters 8 who is ranked 8th place. Be ready for your next challenge, Ash.]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Drasna''': Congratulations! Your Ultra Class ranking has risen to ninth. 
:'''Ash''': Thank you so much! ''[Both Ash and Drasna shake hands]''
:'''Drasna''': But it won't be quite so easy to climb higher in the rankings.
:'''Ash''': Yeah, but I'll do my best! ''[Pikachu also agrees with the statement]''
:'''Drasna''': Sirfetch'd  and Dracovish are simply charming. I'll know that I'll cheer for you!
:'''Wikstrom''': Now don't neglect your training!
:'''Ash''': Right, Wikstrom!
:''[Bonnie is seen staring right up at Drasna. Wonder what this could mean...]''
:'''Goh''': What's wrong, Bonnie?
:'''Bonnie''': I have made a decision! 
:''[She gets down on one knee and holds her hand out to Drasna on behalf of Clemont, continuing her running gag from their initial journeys through Kalos.]''
:Drasna, you're a keeper! Please take care of my brother!
:''[Everyone freaks out.]''
:'''Pikachu''': ''[who seemingly missed this]'' Pika-Pikachu!
:'''Bonnie''': I mean, Drasna? You're so strong and in control that I don't think there's anybody else for my brother, see?
:'''Drasna''': ''[blushing]'' Oh, my stars! Whatever shall I do?
:'''Bonnie''': ''[After getting grabbed by Clemont's arm]'' Wait, but why?
:'''Clemont''':  I told you to stop this a million times!

==Reuniting for the First Time!==
:''[Note: This episode is to apologize to fans for not introducing Lisia during the XY series as to represent the promotion of Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire. The writers made the mistake in the XY series of promoting Hoenn remakes by mostly recycling story elements from the Ruby and Sapphire anime, as well as having barely any callbacks.]''

:'''Lisia''': Hi everybody!
:'''Altaria''': Taria! [Greetings, viewers!]
:'''Lisia''': Well, watch me dive in! It's dazzling! Dizzying! ''[spins around]''
:'''Crowd''': Dizzying! ''[also spins around]''
:'''Lisia''': Lisia's Miraculous Contest is Scouting! ''[the crowd cheers]'' I'm going to bring in another fantastic trainer into the world of contesting! Let's see...''[starts her search and sees Chloe]'' You, watching with that baffled expression on your face!
:'''Chloe''': Me?
:'''Lisia''': Have you never joined in a contest?
:'''Chloe''': Uh...never.
:'''Lisia''': That's just what I want to hear. Then let's get this show on the road! Folks, this is the trainer I'm going to scout today! ''[Nice Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire reference]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Chloe''': Wow, it's Sylveon. ''[The Sylveon trainer turns around and reveals to be none other than....Serena!]''
:'''Serena''': You're the contestant Lisia scouted!
:'''Chloe''': How did you know?
:'''Serena''': I saw the live broadcast.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[As Ash and Goh head to the contest hall, a familiar voice calls out to them. It's Wallace, the ex-Hoenn Champion and current Sootopolis Gym Leader. Juan must have retired at some point...]''
:'''Wallace''': Well, if it isn't Ash? ''[Both Ash and Goh stop]'' I knew it! So, I wonder if you remember me.
:'''Ash''': Let's see...
:'''Wallace''': ''[baffled that Ash doesn't remember him]'' I refuse to greet one who sees the visage and gets no inspiration.
:'''Ash''': Right! ''[both Ash and Goh try to leave only for Wallace to grab Ash by the backpack]''
:'''Wallace''': Hold it right there! Recall that your friends May and Dawn participated in a certain Wallace Cup. ''[Fans sure miss May, but given that May's Japanese voice actress has throat problems meant she can't return unless it is a silent cameo...]''
:'''Ash''': I remember now! You're the Contest Master, Wallace!
:'''Wallace''': Oui. So you do remember after all. Good. Now as luck would have it, my niece, the top Idol, Lisia, is appearing in this very contest. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Both Ash and Goh try to leave again, but like last time, Wallace stops them]''
:'''Wallace''': There's no need to be in such a rush. As a matter of fact, I've noticed a certain Trainer named Ash in the World Coronation series. ''[You can guess what's happening...]''
:'''Ash''': You have? Well, thanks.
:'''Wallace''': I'm not in the series, but since we've met, I must assume that it's fate. What say we battle, eh? I'm a trainer who can keep up in battle with the Champion of the Hoenn Region. 
:'''Ash''': Oh! You mean Steven Stone! 
:'''Wallace''': ''[annoyed]'' Well, you had no trouble remembering his name. But I'll refuse to take any offense. ''[Guess Wallace's loss against Steven hit his sore spot]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Ash just defeated Wallace, mostly off camera...yay, Ash defeated a former Hoenn Champion and all the Hoenn Gym Leaders...]''
:'''Wallace''': Milotic, return. ''[recalls his defeated Milotic]'' To think that I, who am on par with Champion what's-his-name, could be defeated. I tip my cap. You were elegantly infuriating so and yet it was utterly glorious. Kudos to you, Ash! As I have come to expect from you.
:'''Ash''': Thank you. It was a great practice for me.
:'''Goh''': Right! Let's go!
:'''Wallace''': Wait, right there! Now, you are able to claim your Rain Badge. ''[whips it out from his fingers and places it on Ash's vest.]'' 
:'''Ash''': ''[baffled by this since he already earned the Rain Badge from defeating Juan]'' Oh...
:'''Goh''': I'm gone!
:'''Wallace''': One more thing! ''[he takes off his scarf and places it on Ash. The scarf is too long and is covering Pikachu]'' Please take this as a memento of your battle with me. 
:'''Ash''': Oh...

:''[Note: Many fans claim that Ash should continue doing Gym Challenges because it is tradition that Ash always does this quest minus Sun and Moon. Again, Ash is a Champion and is competing in the World Coronation series and Ash's Gym Challenge quest is overused and tiresome at this point. Plus, making Ash continue doing Gym challenges would feel like a permanent downgrade in his skills as a trainer.]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Serena''': ''[noticing Ash is heading on the boat back to Vermillion City]'' Huh, is that Ash?
:'''Ash''': Huh? Serena! 
:'''Serena''': It is you! 
:'''Ash''': How have you been? 
:'''Serena''': Me? I've been doing just fine! You're looking great, Pikachu!
:'''Pikachu''': Pikachu. [Thank you, Serena]
:'''Chloe''': You know each other?
:'''Ash''': She's a good friend from some of my journeys. ''[Just the boat horn honks signalling it is time to leave]''

==Radio Lulled the Mischievous Stars!==
==Big Brother to the Rescue!==
:'''Ash's Rotom Phone''': A battle has been scheduled. Your entrance battle will be against Raihan, who is ranked 8th of the Masters Eight. 
:'''Ash''': Raihan, huh?
:'''Goh''': What do you mean entrance battle?
:'''Ash's Rotom Phone''': If Ash wins, he will exchange ranks with his opponent and be officially confirmed as the 8th ranked member of the Masters Eight who are the strongest trainers in the World Coronation Series. ''[Be warned, Ash. Once all entrance battles are finished, the final Masters Eight members are decided. This means that other trainers will have to wait until the next season to try their luck in reaching the Masters Eight again.]''

==Catching the Aura of Fate!==
:''[Note: This episode is to apologize to fans for &quot;Facing the Needs of the Many!&quot; While the reunion is well received, some are still upset that Greninja has not yet rejoined Ash. When all the evil roots are gone for good and Ash's Greninja permanently rejoins Ash like Charizard did in the Black and White series, fans will fully forgive the writers for this serious offence.]''

:'''Ash''': ''[about Greninja]'' When I came to Kalos, Froakie was the first Pokémon I caught. On our journey, we got stronger and stronger. One time, we had a fight because I tried too hard to win a battle...but we made up. Eventually, we took part in the Kalos League and after that, Greninja wanted to protect Kalos, so it stayed behind. ''[Nice story, but why did the writers ignore the Ash-Greninja form? Also, Zygarde appears to be written out of this series due to irrelevance. Also, no mention of Team Flare?]''

==Aim for the Eight!==
:''[Ash, Pikachu and Lucario had just arrived at Hammerlocke Gym and Raihan walks behind the group]''
:'''Raihan''': I was wondering who that was and it happens to be today's challenger.
:'''Ash''': Hi Raihan.
:'''Raihan''': Why are you here so early?
:'''Ash''': You see, I was too excited to stay away any longer. How about you? ''[Well, at least Ash had arrived to his destination for his match]''
:'''Raihan''': The truth is, I'm already on my home turf. Of course, I'd be here early. I'd never think you'd really make this far...but this is where your journey ends because I'll win.
:'''Ash''': Well, I'm not going to lose. ''[Just then, there's some rustling in the bushes, where it's revealed that Leon was sleeping outside the Gym.]''
:'''Leon''': ''[yawns]'' Morning Ash, Raihan.
:'''Ash''': It's Leon!
:'''Raihan''': Just what are you doing sleeping there?!
:'''Leon''': Well, you know, I didn't want to be late for the battle between you two. Guess I got excited.
:'''Raihan''': Huh, you too?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[With Ash's win against Raihan...]''
:'''Raihan''': This was mine to lose.
:'''Ash''': Thanks, Raihan for an awesome battle.
:'''Raihan''': Wait! Gotta sec? ''[he whips out his Rotom phone]'' How about a smile? ''[takes a selfie with Ash]'' I'm gonna beat both you and Leon someday. In the meantime, don't you dare lose before it happens.
:'''Ash''': I won't!
:'''Raihan''': Nice! ''[rubs Ash's head playfully before leaving]'' 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The Masters Eight have been decided and are locked in place for the rest of the season...]''
:'''Announcer''': And so, the entrance battles for this season are complete! The contestants for the Masters Eight Tournament have now been decided! First the winner of this match, ranking at number eight is Ash! Ranking number seven, the Unova Champion, Iris! Ranking number six, the winner of the Kalos Lumiose Conference, Alain! Ranking fifth, the Champion of the Kalos Region, Diantha! Ranking fourth, the Champion of both Kanto and Johto, Lance! Ranking number three, the Hoenn Champion, Steven Stone! Ranked second, the Sinnoh region Champion Cynthia! And ranked number one, amassing an unbroken series of victories, the undefeated Galar Champion, Leon! These eight will be competing in the all-star battles of the Masters Eight Tournament which is scheduled to get underway very, very soon! ''[Note: Since Flint is not seen amongst the Masters Eight, it is revealed that Flint lost too many times off camera is now back in the Ultra Class. Ash must watch out because the other contestants, aside from Iris because Ash defeated her already, are powerful just like him....]''

==Narrowing the Chaser Chase!==
==The Homecoming Crown!==
:''[As promised by the writers, the Mohn story that was first established in the Sun and Moon series gets to finally be resolved]''
:'''Ash''': Are you alright, Lillie? ''[Pikachu is attacking the Shiny Nihilego]''
:'''Lillie''': It's Ash!
:'''Gladion''': ''[rushes into the scene after hearing the commotion]'' What's wrong?! You're here?!
:'''Ash''': Gladion?
:'''Gladion''': What's going on?
:'''Ash''': I was just following Pikachu, when I saw Nihilego about to attack Lillie.

==Helping the Hometown Hero!==

==Chasing to the Finish!==

==Friends, Rivals, Lend me Your Spirit!==
:''[Note: This episode is to apologize to fans for complete disregard of Ash's reserves between Generation V and now. The writers are now banned from giving the impression that Ash's reserves are borderline non-existent. When the writers finally let Ash use his reserves again and fix up the ones that did not get enough character development (fully evolve the ones that didn't in their debut as well as give them more wins), fans will fully forgive them for this offense.]''

:'''Ash's Rotom Phone''': You have a call from the professor!
:'''Ash''': Uh, hello?
:'''Professor Oak''': Greetings, young man!
:'''Ash''': Professor Oak!
:'''Professor Oak''': You should drop by once in a while. See your other Pokémon...''[See, writers, this is the reason why ignoring Ash's reserves at Oak's lab is not worth continuing especially when Professor Oak asked Ash to visit his reserves once in a while.]''
:'''Ash''': Oh yeah! There's lots of battling spirit there! 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Gengar bounces around, hitting trees like being in a pachinko machine until he gets zapped by lightning. As Gengar regains consciousness, he sees an Electivire.]''
:'''Gengar''': Gengar? [Huh, you're the one who zapped me?]
:'''Ash''': ''[arrives along with Goh, Grookey and Pikachu]'' Gengar! No way! Electivire?
:''[Just then, a shadowy figure appears from behind a tree and stands next to his Electivire. It's Paul, Ash's Sinnoh rival!]''
:'''Paul''': Is that your Gengar? 
:'''Ash''': Hey, it's Paul!
:'''Goh''': &quot;It's Paul&quot;? Who's that?! 
:'''Pikachu''': Pikachu! [Long time no see, Electivire!]
:'''Electivire''': Electivire. [Hello again, Pikachu.]
:''[Gengar gets back up but is stumbling. Luckily Ash catches him.]''
:'''Ash''': Gengar, are you alright? ''[gets burned]'' Augh! Hot! ''[Everyone minus Paul and Electivire are confused]''
:'''Goh''': How can that be? Gengar is usually that cold. ''[He touches one of Gengar's fingers.]'' Yep, it is cold.
:''[Gengar hugs Ash and sure enough Ash does feel the coldness of Gengar's body.]''
:'''Ash''': Well, what do you know? Cold.
:'''Paul''': You're useless. At the very least, you should know your Pokémon's condition.
:'''Ash''': Course I know that! 
:'''Goh''': Hey Ash? You know that guy?
:'''Ash''': Yeah. We go way back. When I travelled through Sinnoh, he was a rival I battled a bunch of times. He's a Trainer who's named Paul.
:'''Paul''': Mm. ''[in agreement]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': Hey, we ran into Paul.
:'''Professor Oak''': Well, well. I was hoping he'd surprise you two here. You see, Paul happened to stop by yesterday, out of the blue.
:'''Paul''': Professor Oak is a preeminent figure in Pokémon research. If someone wants to know about Pokémon, he's the best to ask. Nothing strange about that. 
:'''Charizard''': Roar! [Let's go Gengar, you've some work to do.]
:'''Gengar''': Gengar! [Right, let's go!]
:'''Ash''': Let's all train. ''[Charizard, Gengar and the rest of Ash's Fire-mons comply, minus Infernape?]''
:'''Pikachu''': Pikachu! [Let's go!]
:'''Ash''': Kay, buddy! ''[Not so fast, Ash]''
:'''Paul''': You should leave it to the Pokémon. That's what this place is for.
:'''Professor Oak''': I'll keep an eye on them! I think you and Paul have things to talk about.
:'''Ash''': Right!
:'''Paul''': Infernape, why don't you go and join them? 
:'''Infernape''': Infernape? Infernape! [Really? Heading off, Ash!]
:'''Ash''': Infernape, you take care of Gengar, okay?
:'''Infernape''': Infernape! [Right!] ''[runs off and carries Professor Oak over his shoulders!]''
:'''Professor Oak''': Whoa! Hey, stop!
:'''Goh''': So, Infernape does what Paul does it to do too?
:'''Ash''': Yeah, cause Paul was its trainer before I was. ''[Those of you who do not know about Infernape and how he played a part in Ash and Paul's vicious rivalry towards each other during Diamond and Pearl series, here's a brief recap]''
:'''Narrator''': Ash met Paul in the Sinnoh Region. Paul put his Chimchar through some extreme training, but when it didn't meet his expectations, he abandoned it. So, Ash welcomed Chimchar into his group. A deep friendship developed which led to Chimchar evolve all the way into Infernape. 
:'''Goh''': So that's what happened. 
:'''Ash''': Yeah and Infernape's gotten really strong.
:'''Grookey''': Grookey-key-key. [Whoa, look at Electivire's tails!] ''[Electivire's twin tails are swinging back and forth gently]''
:'''Goh''': ''[Grookey jumps off Goh's shoulders]'' Grookey, hang on!
:'''Pikachu''': Pika! [Hey, wait!]
:'''Electivire''': Vire. [What is it?]
:''[Both Pikachu and Grookey are cheering while looking at Electivire's tails. Grookey throws its stick into the air allowing Electivire to catch it with its twin tails]''
:'''Electivire''': Electivire. [Got it!] ''[Pikachu and Grookey applaud at Electivire's performance]''
:'''Paul''': Electivire, go keep them busy.
:'''Electivire''': Electivire. [Sure thing.]
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[We see Paul's Electivire play with Pikachu and Grookey by letting the two ride on its tails, Ash's Torterra is napping with Scraggy and Palpitoad and Gible are hanging out with Goh.]''
:'''Ash''': Hey Paul, didn't you want to enter the World Coronation Series?
:'''Paul''': I'm not interested in noisy crowds. ''[Maybe that's why Paul gave up on region league quests as well? Also, no mention of Paul facing off against Pyramid King Brandon?]''
:'''Ash''': So why don't we face off now? ''[Paul scoffs as if to say &quot;What are you suggesting?&quot;]'' Battle with me!
:'''Goh''': That's a great idea!
:'''Paul''': Three on three and no switching out. ''[Nice call back to Ash and Paul's first battle, but this time this battle is less hostile. Remember, Paul had to fix his attitude after his loss against Brandon, as well as be more respectful to Ash following Paul's loss in the Sinnoh League]''
:'''Ash''': Okay!
:'''Paul''': One thing. You're only allowed to use Pokémon you're taking to the Masters Eight Tournament.
:'''Ash''': Fine! I'll go get them!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Paul''': ''[recalls his defeated Gyarados]'' Not too shabby.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Paul''': Garchomp, standby for battle! ''[summons his Garchomp. Thanks for reminding fans on how you mishandled Ash's Gible, writers! You're telling the fans that characters like Cynthia and Paul can have a Garchomp yet Ash can't evolve his Gible into a Garchomp?!]''
:'''Ash''': So Garchomp is up next.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': ''[recalls his defeated Dragonite]'' Dragonite, you were so cool. Take a rest. Did you see that, Paul? I call that the Dragonite Meteor!
:'''Paul''': ''[recalls his Garchomp]'' Lousy name.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Paul''': ''[baffled that Ash and Gengar are struggling in their battle against Paul and his Metagross, similar to the issue Ash had throughout the Diamond and Pearl series]'' And you're one of the Masters Eight? If I'm giving you a tough time, there's no chance you'll win the tournament! Use Meteor Mash!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Goh''': Excuse me? About your three Pokémon? Aren't they the same as some of the Masters Eight? Lance has a Gyarados, Cynthia has a Garchomp and Steven Stone has a Metagross. Is that just a coincidence? 
:'''Paul''': ''[simply smiles]'' Professor, thanks for all your help. I'll say goodbye for now.
:'''Professor Oak''': You're always welcome to come back here.
:'''Paul''': Thanks. If you'll excuse me. Infernape, until next time.
:'''Infernape''': Infernape. [Catch you later.]
:'''Paul''': Shall we go, Electivire?
:'''Electivire''': Electivire. [Right behind you.]
:'''Ash''': Paul, let's battle again! ''[Paul waves goodbye, knowing full well that Ash is ready for the trials ahead]''
:'''Goh''': He's acting too cool.
:'''Professor Oak''': Paul said he's been officially invited to become a Gym Leader of his own Pokémon Gym.
:'''Ash''': A Gym Leader?
:'''Professor Oak''': That's why he want to learn more and more about Pokémon.

==Curtain up! Fight the Fights!==
:''[As Ash and Goh reach the entrance of Wyndon Stadium, someone calls out to them. This is Hop. Where were you during the Darkest Day arc?]''
:'''Hop''': There you are! ''[runs and blocks their way]'' You're Ash from the Kanto region, aren't you?
:'''Ash''': Huh? Yeah, that's me...
:'''Hop''': Okay, then I'm challenging you to a battle! Right here and now! ''[Really, Hop?! You are begging for trouble!]''
:'''Wooloo''': Woo-loo! [Get ready!]
:'''Hop''': It's battle time! ''[Wooloo agrees with Hop]''
:'''Goh''': I wonder if he knows you're a member of the Masters Eight.
:'''Hop''': I heard that! Of course I know. That's why I'm here! I'm gonna test just how strong you are. 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Hop''': Now Wooloo, Double Kick! ''[Wooloo charges forward]''
:'''Ash''': Iron Tail! ''[Pikachu uses Iron Tail to knock out Wooloo...in one hit!]''
:'''Hop''': ''[horrified]'' Wooloo!
:'''Goh''': So, that's it?
:'''Hop''': A one hit win. Naturally. Now I totally see why my brother likes you.
:'''Ash''': Your brother, huh?
:'''Hop''': Yeah. See, my name is Hop. Leon's my bro.
:'''Ash''': That Leon?
:'''Goh''': Your brother?
:'''Ash''': That means Leon talked to you about me! Whoa, that makes me so psyched!
:'''Hop''': But I've gotta tell you...''[Ash gets confused]''...I'll be the one to end Lee's winning streak! So he's not gonna lose one match before that day! ''[That's what you think, Hop! Many fans think that Hop should have been Ash's main rival just like in the games. However, this loss was to remind fans that Hop's rivalry with Ash would not look very convincing in the anime, since Ash is a Champion and Hop is a rookie.]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Both Ash and Pikachu head to the dressing room where the other Masters Eight members. Just then, Iris runs along with Ash]''
:'''Iris''': Hey, you're cutting it close! 
:'''Ash''': Oh hey, Iris! So we're both in the Masters Eight, huh?
:'''Iris''': Right! I've been looking forward to seeing you!
:'''Ash''': Same for me! Since we've come so far...
:'''Both''': I've gotta win! ''[The other members of the Masters Eight as well as the stadium crew stare at the two. Yeah, save the energy for the tournament, you two.]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Announcer''': We'll start with the 8th ranked trainer. He shown us the Champion of the first Alola League tournament. Hailing from Pallet Town in the Kanto region, Ash Ketchum! ''[Finally the anime acknowledges Ash as the Alola Champion in the Pokémon world.]''
:'''Ash''': Alright! Lookout! ''[Pikachu cheers and accepts the cheers from the crowd as well]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Leon''': Take your best shot! My Pokémon will defeat everyone standing in their way.
:'''Announcer''': And now, we're going to reveal the matchups for the first round! ''[The screen display two square panels for the members. It spins like the ones on a slot machine.]'' For the first match, it's Leon vs Alain! ''[So much for Ash having the chance to refight Alain as to make up for the mess in the Kalos League...]'' 
:'''Ash''': Alain and Leon, huh?
:''[The screen spins again revealing the next matchup]''
:'''Announcer''': And for the second match, it's Lance vs Diantha! ''[Odd choice of pairing since the two never interacted before and Lance did not appear in the XY series. The screen spins revealing the third pair]''
:'''Announcer''': In the third match, it's Cynthia vs Iris. ''[That makes sense since Iris did receive mentorship from Cynthia in the Black and White series]''
:'''Iris''': Me and Cynthia?
:'''Cynthia''': Go easy on me. ''[The screen spins again revealing the final pair]''
:'''Announcer''': For the fourth match, it's Steven Stone vs Ash Ketchum. ''[This is to make up for the lack of interaction between the two throughout the Ruby and Sapphire and the XY series]''
:'''Ash''': So, I'm battling Steven Stone.
:'''Pikachu''': Pi-ka. [He is very tough.]
:'''Steven Stone''': So, we finally get to battle each other.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Cynthia''': ''[noticing that Ash is not backstage]'' Is Ash coming?
:'''Iris''': Uh...no. Ash said he was watching the matches with Goh. He wants to experience all the stadium excitement firsthand.
:'''Diantha''': That does sound like him. 
:'''Cynthia''': And you didn't wanna watch from the stands with him?
:'''Iris''': Oh, actually...I wanted to ask a favor of both of you. Can we take a selfie? You don't mind, do you? ''[takes out her Rotom Phone]'' 
:'''Cynthia''': I'd be delighted.
:'''Diantha''': Of course, dear. 
:'''Lance''': So Steven, I hear that you know Alain fairly well.
:'''Steven Stone''': We met while searching for rare stones. You know, I hope it doesn't overwhelm him to suddenly be matched against Leon.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Leon's Rillaboom Gigantamaxes! Grookey, being excited, bangs his stick on Goh's head. Now do you understand why Ash can't have a member of the Rillaboom line of his own, fans?!]''
:'''Goh''': Grookey! I'm not a drum, understand?! Stop it!
:'''Hop''': Alright! Let's all rock out to Lee's rhythm!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Alain's Chesnaught gets defeated by Rillaboom's Acrobatics. Acrobatics is a Flying-type move and Chesnaught is 4x weak to Flying as it is a Grass and Fighting type.]''
:'''Steven Stone''': So Leon has the advantage?
:'''Lance''': Yes. Who knew Rillaboom would use Acrobatics? 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Alain summons his Charizard who now has a new Charizardite X Mega Stone]''
:'''Ash''': That's so awesome! We had battle after battle with his Charizard. ''[Yet you did not defeat it because you overused your Kalos team and did not practice your now former Ash-Greninja form enough which cost you the Kalos League. The Mega Evolution specials confirmed that Alain had more practice with his Mega Charizard X]''
:'''Hop''': You have?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Alain summons his Charizard again into battle after his Malamar lost. They sure love the Charizard mirror match, don't they?]''
:'''Alain''': Go Charizard!
:'''Leon''': I'll continue battling with my Charizard. 
:'''Alain''': It's been my dream to battle you two and defeat you! ''[Yeah, not happening...]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Dan''': Alain's Charizard is unable to battle. It's a win for Leon's Charizard, which means the victory goes to Leon! ''[Alain lost the match easily like Trevor did in the XY series. It should be noted that Alain is a League Conference winner and not a region Champion, unlike the other members of the Masters Eight.]''

==Pride of a Champion!==
:'''Ash''': So it is Diantha against Lance. Which shall I cheer for?
:'''Goh''': Ash, does that mean you know both of them?
:'''Ash''': Uh-huh. I even battled Diantha too. ''[That's true, although neither battles Ash had with Diantha were finished. But Ash did let Diantha know he had potential during their battles.]''
:'''Hop''': You're amazing. You're also one of Lee's favorite trainers. That's so cool there's something about you that the Champions find interesting. ''[Hmmm...seems that Ash is also the other Champion's favorite trainers]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Lance''': The time has come! Trainers of the Kanto region! ''[We see Ritchie from the original series make a cameo watching the show. Wonder what he's been up to all this time?]'' Trainers of the Johto region! ''[We see Jackson/Vincent, Marina and Jimmy also watching the game as well.]'' All of you just watch me battle. And you, Diantha, as a Dragon Master, I ask of you to bring only your best to battle my Dragon brigade.
:'''Diantha''': And of course, you're right. The thing that connects us all is our Pokémon and battling itself, I too have a request to all the trainers of the Kalos region. ''[Shauna, Tierno, Trevor and Sawyer are also watching.]'' As I stand here, your dreams and ambitions are with me and so, Lance, I very much am looking forward to seeing how you and your Pokémon shine like the stars!
:'''Lance''': So, shall we begin?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Diantha uses a Light Screen and Reflect combo]''
:'''Iris''': Wow, it's like an aurora!
:'''Steven Stone''': Who knew Light Screen and Reflect, two defensive moves could be combined like that?
:'''Alain''': However, the effect of each move will still vanish over time. It's not permanent. 
:'''Cynthia''': I think Diantha is using it as to pressure Lance. I'd say Diantha is clearly the one in control of this battle. ''[Oh yeah. There's a reason the writers are not letting Lance refight Leon in this match.]''
:'''Leon''': It's still anyone's guess. If he wavered here, she would have beat Lance.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''James''': A Gourgeist, eh?
:'''Meowth''': Jessie caught one in Kalos back in the day.
:'''Jessie''': ''[yawn and uninterested]'' So her second is Gourgeist? ''[Wait a second...]'' A Gourgeist?! That woman calls herself a movie star gets it! Listen up, Gourgeist is being fought!
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobba, Wobba! [That's what we told you!]
:'''James and Meowth''': Yeah, that makes sense...
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Diantha''': Now comes checkmate! Moonblast! ''[Mega Gardevoir complies knocking Lance's Dragonite out.]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': Lance!
:'''Lance''': Ash, hi there. Looks like my challenge has come to an end. Now, do your best. ''[Lance leaves heading back home. That's the best interaction between Ash and Lance you can come up with, writers?!]''

==The Fiery Road to Mastership!==
:'''Ash''': You know, Iris raised that Excadrill from way back when it was still a Drilbur. Man, time can sure fly.
:'''Pikachu''': Pika-pika! [You know it!]
:'''Hop''': Huh?! You know her too?!
:'''Goh''': Ash knows Iris because they traveled through Unova together. He also knows Cynthia really well.
:'''Hop''': What's with you knowing everybody, Ash?! ''[Maybe you should travel around the world and learn more about the Champions just like Ash did]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Diantha''': If Iris is a Dragon-type trainer, then why...
:'''Alain''': ''[as if reading Diantha's mind]'' ...did she bring out Excadrill? ''[Diantha nods in agreement]''
:'''Steven Stone''': I've heard a rumour that she actually trained with Cynthia at one point.
:'''Alain''': Which means they each know the cards the other is holding.
:'''Leon''': It could very well be changing of the guard. This should be interesting.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Cynthia''': Your moves are even sharper than before.
:'''Iris''': That's because of everything you've shown me, Cynthia. ''[cue flashback of Cynthia's training with Iris]'' I simply did what you taught me to do. ''[Drayden is watching the event]'' And now to become part of our strength, lots of connections that made us Champions. ''[Alder, Georgia, Stephan, Bianca and Trip are also watching. You know Trip is the worst main rival of Ash when all he has is a cameo appearance, compared to Gary and Paul who have at least one episode focus in Journeys.]'' And so, I, as the Unova region Champion, on this day, I'll defeat you. ''[We are not having another Ash vs Iris match in the Masters Eight!]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Cynthia''': Standing here, you and I are nothing more than individual Pokémon Trainers, as well as challengers aiming for the top. ''[Volkner and Flint are watching the match outside the Sunyshore Gym with their Electivire and Infernape respectively.]'' We will not pull any punches as I want to test my own limits, you see. ''[Paul is shown to have returned home, after prepping Ash for the Masters Eight tournament, to watch the game with Reggie, who just delivered tea for the two to drink.]'' So I will defeat you and move on! Gastrodon, ACID ARMOR!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''James''': Frilly girl is not bad. She's not that bad at all.
:'''Meowth''': The only reason she got here is because we trained her up.
:'''Jessie''': A bouquet of thinking roses would be kind of nice.
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobbuffet! [I couldn't agree more!]
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Iris''': Now, Haxorus, let's do this!
:'''Haxorus''': HAAAA! [Make your move!]
:'''Cynthia''': ''[noticing Iris is getting better in battles]'' I see. If so...''[whips out her...lipstick? She applies it on the bottom part of her lips]'' I'll use all of my strength and I'll defeat you! ''[One turn of her lipstick reveals her...Keystone?! Uh-oh...]'' 
:'''Iris''': ''[horrified]'' Isn't that...
:'''Ash''': A Keystone?! 
:'''Cynthia''': ''[activates the Keystone and applies her lipstick on the upper lips]'' Garchomp, time for MEGA EVOLUTION!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[the other Masters Eight noticing Cynthia's Mega Garchomp]''
:'''Steven Stone''': That's interesting. She must be serious.
:'''Alain''': True, but Haxorus still has a lot of power right now. This bout is anything but decided.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Iris checks on her defeated Haxorus. Iris, always have at least one battle mechanic to better your odds of winning.]''
:'''Iris''': Haxorus, you really went all out. You're the very best and Dragonite too, and Excadrill too. I love you all.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Ash heads off to the Wyndon Stadium arena, ready to face Steven Stone and to make up for not winning the Hoenn League. As he does, he runs into Iris.]''
:'''Ash''': Iris, I'm sorry.
:'''Iris''': Ash...''[starting to tear up]'' Looks like I lost.
:'''Ash''': I know.
:'''Iris''': Cynthia is really amazing, isn't she? ''[continues crying]'' Incredible...She's amazing! ''[Continues crying...Goh then shows up checking on her as well. Seconds later, Iris cleans up her tears.]'' All better now. Thanks. I know, for Ash's next match, how about we cheer for him together?

==Battling as Hard as Stone!==
:'''Meowth''': Now it's twerp time! Rock and roll!
:'''James''': Battling someone with panache and power.
:'''Jessie''': ''[uninterested]'' I'm not so sure the twerp even has half the chance.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': Okay, Steven! I'm the one advancing to the semi-finals!
:'''Pikachu''': Pikachu! 
:'''Steven Stone''': You don't say, huh? Then I expect great things! I look forward to seeing what kind of battle you'll bring.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Leon''': Show me what you've got, rookie. 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Dracovish uses Fishious Rend to counter Metagross' Agility]''
:'''Ash''': Oh yeah! ''[Just then, Dracovish gets pushed back by Metagross]''
:'''Announcer''': And Fishious Rend holds off the Psychic attack.
:'''Steven Stone''': He predicted that.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': ''[in his mind]'' Paul, my battle with you is already paying off. ''[flashes back to Ash's Gengar's battle with Paul's Metagross]'' Closing in with Agility then using Psychic. I had a feeling you knew how Steven would battle, then you helped me train for it. ''[At home, Paul smiles at Ash's performance, as if to say, &quot;He knows what he's doing.&quot;]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Steven Stone''': Let me tell you. The thing is I am considered the most powerful trainer in the Hoenn region but that's not nearly enough for me. The Pokémon World Coronation Series: it is only when I dominate this event that I can say I am truly the strongest and the best! ''[We see multiple cameos from the Generation III anime: Professor Birch, Drew, Harley, Katie, Morrison, Tyson (keep in mind that Tyson won the Hoenn League but failed to become Hoenn Champion as Steven is Hoenn Champion), Janet, Vito, Kain, Jimmy, and Kelly]''
:'''Diantha''': I've never seen Steven this fired up before. ''[Alain nods in agreement]''
:'''Ash''': And the same for us! 
:'''Pikachu''': Pika!
:'''Ash''': For all the people who cheered me on up until now. ''[We see Chloe, Professor Cerise, Ren, Chrysa, and Mimey watch the show]'' For all of my Pokémon, I will win this for sure! ''[We see Delia, Professor Oak, Tracey, and Ash's reserves.]''  
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Jessie''': Told you the twerp's completely outclassed.
:'''Meowth''': Have you lost it?
:'''James''': Are you mad?
:'''Jessie''': ''[enraged]'' I'M TOTALLY NOT MAD!
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobba wobba wob! [Take it easy!]
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Meowth''': It's Pikachu time!
:'''James''': I smell turnaround!
:'''Jessie''': Pikachu, don't even think about losing! Do you hear me?!
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobba Wobba! [Come on and win this, Pikachu!]
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Steven's Cradily loses to Pikachu]''
:'''Steven Stone''': That was just terrific! Each one of your moves leaves me totally surprised, Ash!
:'''Ash''': It's all because Gengar set it up for Pikachu.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Ash had defeated the Hoenn Champion, Steven Stone, and is now in the semi-finals ready to face Cynthia for the first time. You wanted to fight Cynthia, you got it, Ash!]''
:'''Cynthia''': Ready, Ash? Our match is near...
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': Hey, Steven!
:'''Steven Stone''': You know, Ash. The feelings you have for your Pokémon and the way they respond to you, they gave their all in battle for that. They came together as one and, as a result, created an even greater power. And that's the reason you were able to grasp your victory today. And a spectacular win it was.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Outside Wyndon Stadium, Iris, Steven and Alain are heading back to their home regions...]''
:'''Steven Stone''': Your next opponent is Cynthia. Still, with Pikachu and your other Pokémon, you can win. I believe in you, Ash.
:'''Alain''': I'm certain you can do it. ''[That's the best interaction between Ash and Alain you can do in Journeys, writers?!]''
:'''Iris''': Can't wait for you to tell me all about it!
:'''Ash''': And that's what I am gonna do! ''[Pikachu exclaims in agreement]''

==Infinite Possibilities!==
:''[One day, at the Eevee Evolution Lab, some evolved forms of Eevee are chilling out as a Leafeon pops out a bush]''
:'''Leafeon''': Leaf.
:''[A Flareon chases after it]''
:'''Flareon''': Flare, flare.
:'''Narrator''': This is the Eevee Evolution Lab, where today, Eevee is having a health check up.
:''[Inside the lab, Chloe and her Eevee are with Pinery who is checking Eevee's health]''
:'''Pinery''': ''[Turns round to Chloe]'' Perfect health. Eevee's doing just fine.
:'''Chloe''': That's wonderful.
:'''Chloe's Eevee''': Eevee.
:'''Chloe''': So, how have you and Eevee been spending your time lately?
:'''Chloe''': It's been great, we took a trip to see Sylveon. ''[A flashback occurs]'' And we even performed in a Pokémon Contest Spectacular. Eevee even used Fairy Wind.
:'''Pinery''': You really used Fairy Wind? ''[The camera cuts to Eevee scratching herself]'' I wish I'd seen you two in action.
:'''Chloe's Eevee''': Eevee. Eevee vee vee.
:'''Chloe''': After that, we met the Eevee of a friend who lives in Alola. She's Lana.
:''[A flashback occurs to when Chloe met Lana]''
:'''Lana''': There's one more. The Eevee path.
:'''Chloe''': Hm?
:'''Lana''': Eevee can always just stay Eevee, like Ash's Pikachu.
:'''Chloe''': Ash's Pikachu. You're right. So then there are nine paths available for Eevee. Of course. ''[The flashback ends]'' Lana taught me something back then, about all of Eevee's possibilities.
:'''Pinery''': That's true. She's so right. You and Eevee will decide, if it's Eevee... ''[The evolutions of Eevee appear in a fantasy]'' ...or Vaporeon, Jolteon, Flareon, Espeon, Umbreon, Leafeon, Glaceon, Sylveon. Those are all the evolutions you can choose from.
:'''Chloe''': Right.
:'''Pinery''': Tell me, is Eevee interested in them?
:'''Chloe''': Completely. The thing is, it can't choose. I don't know what to do. Eevee loves every evolved form.
:'''Pinery''': Really?
:'''Chloe's Eevee''': Eevee vee. [Pinery is right, Chloe.]

==It's... Champion Time!==
:''[Dragonite glomps Ash sending the two sliding to where Cynthia is with her Garchomp]''
:'''Cynthia''': Ash, is that you? Dragonite?
:'''Ash''': Hey, Cynthia!
:'''Goh''': Sorry, we interrupted you!
:'''Cynthia''': Don't be. We're just fine. I'd say that enthusiasm means you're making final preparations before our match.
:'''Ash''': Yeah, I am! Does that mean you are too?
:'''Cynthia''': I am. ''[to Garchomp]'' Now, try flying.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Vic''': A partner...my choice? I decided Grookey will be my first Pokémon!
:'''Goh''': You'd pick Grookey? Good choice!
:'''Grookey''': Grookey-key! [Glad to hear!]
:'''Vic''': Then I'd evolve it up to Rillaboom like Leon did, and get it to Gigantamax!
:'''Goh''': Well first, you have to evolve it into a Thwackey.
:'''Vic''': Right! Then we'll use a move that is just as cool as 10 million Volt Thunderbolt!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Vic''': Cynthia, what was your first Pokémon?
:'''Ash''': You know, I don't even think I know that.
:'''Cynthia''': ''[addressing her Garchomp]'' This one here. We've been on many adventures since it was a Gible.
:'''Ash''': Yeah.
:'''Goh''': I thought you could only use Piplup, Chimchar, or Turtwig?
:'''Cynthia''': Right. This one came from an egg.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Cynthia''': With Pokémon Eggs, you never know what will come from them, right? ''[The flashback reveals Cynthia as a little girl with her egg that later became her ace]'' And anticipating what kind of Pokémon will emerge...it's so exciting! I did everything I could to keep it warm. And when the time came, this is who hatched! ''[Her Gible]'' I was beyond overjoyed!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Ash''': Actually, my Lucario came from an egg too! 
:'''Goh''': And a very strange egg it was...
:'''Cynthia''': Strange?
:'''Vic''': What do you mean?
:'''Goh''': It wouldn't hatch. No matter who cared for it. It went to lots of regions and still couldn't figure it out. But then the egg called out to Ash.
:'''Vic''': Whoa!
:'''Ash''': True and then I felt some kind of aura coming from it.
:'''Vic''': They call Lucario, the Aura Pokémon, don't they? You're so awesome!
:'''Cynthia''': Ash, maybe it was waiting for you. 
:'''Ash''': You think so?
:'''Cynthia''': Actually, I've heard rumors. They were talking about that strange egg. So that was you!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Goh''': Ash, over there! Look!
:'''Ash''': Whoa! ''[The scoreboard reveals that Leon only lost Dragapult with Rillaboom being active, while Diantha has Goodra active and lost Gourgeist, Aurorus, Tyrantrum, and Hawlucha. The writers just pulled a &quot;Lost at the League!&quot; on us, didn't they?!]''
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Hop''': ''[seeing that Leon is now in the finals]'' Yeah! All right! Leon's the best!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Vic''': Ash, I wanna have totally cool battles just like Leon!
:'''Cynthia''': You should have lots of adventures first where you catch Pokémon and battle with them.

==Bewitch, Battle, and Bewilder!==
:''[As Cynthia is heading towards the stadium, she runs into Diantha.]''
:'''Diantha''': I'll cheer for you.
:'''Cynthia''': Thanks, Diantha. I promise that I won't let you down.
:'''Diantha''': If anyone breaks Leon's unbeaten streak, it's got to be you. 
:'''Cynthia''': But no pressure, right? I've decided something.
:'''Diantha''': What's that?
:'''Cynthia''': Once this tournament is over, I'm going to retire from battling. ''[This hints that a lot of challengers who fought Cynthia stood no chance against her. Little did Cynthia realize, someone might stand a chance and overpower her...]''
:'''Diantha''': Huh? You're retiring? 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Cynthia summons her Spiritomb]''
:'''Diantha''': That Cynthia, using a Pokémon no one predicted. She now controls the field. 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Cynthia's Spiritomb drains Dragonite of her strength using Dream Eater multiple times]''
:'''Jessie''': You know, that's absolutely vicious!
:'''James''': Didn't I tell you they're strong?
:'''Meowth''': Dragonite's power is slowly drained away.
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobbuffet. [So horrifying.]
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': Dragonite return! ''[recalls Dragonite after recklessly leaving it out in the battlefield open for attacks]'' Sorry. I promise no one else is going to lose that way. 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Cynthia noticing Ash using his Pikachu against her Togekiss.]''
:'''Cynthia''': ''[in her mind]'' I'd say he's trying to change the pace with his number one partner. 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Cynthia summons her Gastrodon into battle]''
:'''Hop''': This isn't good. Electric type attacks won't work on Gastrodon!
:'''Goh''': Cynthia really has Ash figured out. She wants to keep Pikachu from switching out by taking it down right now. 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Diantha''': When it comes to Ash, good or bad matchups make no difference. His attack rhythm is excellent, too. ''[Diantha is really becoming a fan of Ash...]''
:'''Leon''': My kind of match. I love this!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Cynthia''': ''[in her mind]'' Ash has the skill to turn a tight spot into an opportunity. It's wonderful how Pikachu responds to it.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Pikachu is spinning around using Thunderbolt. The technique we all love in Diamond and Pearl, the Counter-Shield, is back!]''
:'''Goh''': Hey, what's going on? 
:'''Hop''': Pikachu's breakdancing! ''[Not exactly]''
:'''Cynthia''': It's a little early for a victory dance. Use Hypnosis! ''[Should have watched Ash's battle against Fantina, Cynthia. Spiritomb complies using Hypnosis at Pikachu, only for it to get countered]''
:'''Announcer''': Spiritomb's Hypnosis move has somehow gotten caught in the Thunderbolt attack and it can't reach Pikachu.
:'''Cynthia''': But how? ''[You forgot about that tactic that Ash and Paul used in the Sinnoh League?!]''
:'''Ash''': Let's finish this! ''[Pikachu's Thunderbolt injures Spiritomb]''
:'''Leon''': It's true! Offense is the best Defense!
:'''Ash''': Cynthia! While we were in Sinnoh, we came up with the Counter Shield technique.
:'''Cynthia''': I remember that one! You demonstrated back in the Sinnoh League! ''[Oh, never mind then]''

==Valor: A Strategic Part of Battling!==
:'''Hop''': A one Pokémon advantage is big and Cynthia's way too tough. 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[The Team Rocket gang race to the front row to check on Ash's progress]''
:'''Jessie''': Hey twerp, what's up? Where did that first round fighting spirit run off to?
:'''Meowth''': You're leaving us in the loser's lurch!
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobbuffet. [Get yourself together.]
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Diantha''': Neither have them used Dynamax or Mega Evolution. 
:'''Leon''': They're not ready yet. It's exactly when to use them that will be the key to victory here.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Ash summons his Dracovish while Cynthia summons her Garchomp]''
:'''Ash''': Garchomp...is it time for Mega Evolution? ''[Cynthia doesn't respond. What hidden tricks does she have?]'' We'll hit it head on! Use Ice Fang!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Cynthia puts her Roserade back into the area and it's all fine?!]''
:'''Ash''': Roserade's not burned now?
:'''Hop''': That's so weird. It was just hit by Gengar's Will-o-wisp. ''[Unless...]''
:'''Goh''': Hold on a second. That must mean Cynthia's Roserade...
:'''Cynthia''': Roserade's ability is Natural Cure. By returning to its Poké-ball, it can heal from things like burns or poison.
:'''Ash''': So that's why you switched it out. Okay, what's my next move?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Cynthia''': ''[in her mind]'' Since you understand how your Pokémon feel, you would do that. But it's exactly what will give me the chance to win! ''[Don't be so sure, Cynthia, until the end of the round...She then exclaims out loud]'' Spirit of water, Milotic, go! ''[Summons her Milotic in battle. Oh dear, Cythina, if only you knew how many Milotic Ash loved to beat up]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Sirfetch'd uses Brutal Swing by throwing his shield like a boomerang, cancelling out Stealth Rock]''
:'''Cynthia''': How can they do that?!
:'''Announcer''': With its extremely high spin rate, Sirfetch'd shield is destroying one Stealth Rock shard after another.
:'''Hop''': Is that even possible?
:'''Goh''': Hey, it's Ash! Stuff like this is where he's at his best!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Diantha''': I thought Garchomp might Mega Evolve, but...
:'''Leon''': She has something else in mind. ''[This makes sense because, besides Iris, Cynthia hung out with Ash more compared to the other members of the Masters Eight, meaning she knows more about how Ash battles.]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Cynthia''': Togekiss, return now! ''[recalls her Togekiss]''
:'''Ash''': Wait, what?
:'''Announcer''': Oh! Another switch out! ''[Nope. The camera reveals that Cynthia has a...]''
:'''Lucario''': Raw? [Is that...]
:'''Ash''': A Dynamax band?!
:'''Pikachu''': Pika! [It is!]
:'''Announcer''': Hey, that's no switch out! 
:'''Cynthia''': Togekiss, soar with white wings! Now Dynamax, let's go! ''[Seconds later, Togekiss enlarges and pops out of the Dynamax Poké-ball. Cynthia knew that Ash would try and fight Mega Garchomp, hence why she threw him off guard.]''
:'''Togekiss''': Togekiss. [You're in trouble now.]

==Whittle While you Work!==
:'''Hop''': I thought Cynthia was going to Mega-Evolve her Garchomp this time.
:'''Goh''': Ash, what's your next step going to be?
:'''Cinderace''': Cinderace! [Don't lose to Togekiss!]
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Noticing that Ash has Mega-Lucario ready for the match]
:'''Diantha''': Now, we'll witness the power of the bond between Ash and Lucario. 
:'''Leon''': Mega-Evolution vs Dynamax. That's what the Masters Eight Tournament is about!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Togekiss reverts back to normal but is still active]''
:'''Diantha''': It seems quite possible that Ash is evolving during this battle as well. 
:'''Leon''': I agree. He's putting on quite a display of Aura power. But facing the Sinnoh Champion, she's not one you beat with power alone. ''[looking at you, Paul, Flint, Aaron, Lucian and others who tried that stunt and failed...]''
:'''Diantha''': Of course, Cynthia...''[recalls Cynthia mentioning about retiring after the Masters Eight tournament to Diantha]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Cynthia''': Hey Garchomp. ''[Garchomp turns her attention to Cynthia]'' Looking at Ash brings back memories of all the wonderful times that you and I had together.
:'''Garchomp''': Garchomp. [I remember.] 
:''[The flashback shows Cynthia and her then baby Gible having fond memories: running through a field, catching a Feebas that later became her Milotic, seeking shelter in a cave in the middle of a rainstorm, Gible becoming Gabite, Cynthia looking at the Dialga and Palkia legends at Amity Square first seen in &quot;Top Down Training!&quot; in the Diamond and Pearl series, Gabite becoming a Garchomp and helping Cynthia win the Sinnoh League and be crowned Champion]''
:'''Cynthia''': When everything we saw was brand new. How we were filled with excitement at the great big world and its legends! As challengers, we tested ourselves in all kinds of situations. That was then...
:'''Garchomp''': Garchomp. [That's true.]
:'''Cynthia''':...but now, we will be the ones to take on Leon! Alright, use Scale Shot!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Ash's Mega-Lucario gets back up but Cynthia's Garchomp is unconcious from the Reversal hit. You know what that means...]''
:'''Dan''': Garchomp is unable to battle! So the victory goes to Ash Ketchum! ''[Yes! You took down the Sinnoh Champion! Now the fans have finally forgiven the writers for Ash's Sinnoh League loss. Wonder how Paul would react to Ash's win against Cynthia?]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Jessie''': Finally, he pulls off an upset that I'm happy about!
:'''James''': Defeating both the Hoenn and Sinnoh Champions means one thing. 
:'''Jessie, James and Meowth''': It's not luck! 
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobbu! [No it isn't!]
:''[Just then, the Rocket gang realized something...]''
:'''Meowth''': We did have a reason for being here, right?
:'''Jessie''': To provide commentary for fun and profit and...
:'''James''': Steal some super strong Pokémon! 
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobbuffet. [Oh yeah, we forgot about that.]
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Cynthia''': Ash.
:'''Ash''': Hm. ''[Cynthia extends her hand towards him for a handshake, which he accepts.]'' Thanks, Cynthia.
:'''Cynthia''': I'm the one who should be thanking you. ''[Ash is confused]'' Watching you and your Pokémon interacting in so many ways. It made me realize just how many things there are still left for me to learn. Thank you, Ash. Truly.
:'''Grookey''': ''[off camera]'' Grookey! [Heck yeah!]
:'''Cynthia''': Let's battle again someday.
:'''Ash''': Sure!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Cynthia leaves the stadium and runs into Diantha again.]''
:'''Diantha''': That was a good battle. 
:'''Cynthia''': Even though I lost...''[giggles a bit]''...I'm taking back my decision to retire.
:'''Diantha''': ''[relieved]'' I thought you'd do that. ''[Did any fans really thought the Sinnoh Champion was going to retire that easy after her loss? Good thing Ash was not aware of Cynthia's retirement plan.]'' 
:'''Cynthia''': Something so exciting and fun. I just can't quit. In battle and in research, there's still a lot left to master.
:'''Diantha''': That's how it should be!

==Just a Scone's Throw From Here!==
:''[Leon summons Eternatus while showing it off to Ash and Goh, much to their shock]''
:'''Sonia''': Surprised?
:'''Goh''': Yeah...''[remembers Eternatus in the Darkest Day arc]'' I mean it was so over the top destructive. That was the reason I had Professor Magnolia take it. 
:'''Sonia''': We decided for the time being, we'd keep it in a place deep underground below the lab. Things is, staying asleep all the time isn't much of a life. 
:'''Professor Magnolia''': Right. Eternatus has a deep connection to Galar particles. The energy that flows through the region, this is how Pokémon cannot be separated from the Galarian way of life. We must all learn to co-exist with Eternatus. 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Goh receives a notification on his phone, much to his shock.]''
:'''Ash''': Goh, what's up?
:'''Goh''': Sorry, Ash. Looks like I won't be able to see your battle tomorrow. That was an emergency communication from Project Mew. I've got to pack up and leave ASAP.
:'''Ash''': Okay. You better go find Mew right away.
:'''Goh''': I will and you better win that match!
:'''Ash''': Got it! ''[If Goh cannot watch Ash's match in person due to Project Mew, then who is going to root for Ash in Goh's place?]''

==A Flood of Torrential Gains!==
:'''Gary''': Hey Goh, it's too bad.
:'''Goh''': Oh?
:'''Gary''': Ash's final Masters Eight tournament match is today, isn't it?
:'''Goh''': It sure is. Even so, I trust that he's going to win. See, we promised each other. Next time we meet, we'll both be smiling. 
:'''Gary''': Yeah, you're right. ''[Okay, so Gary and Goh cannot see Ash's battle against Leon due to Project Mew commitments...make sense]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Backstage, Ash places his Z-ring, Dynamax band and Mega Gloves on. He then faces his Journeys team.]''
:'''Ash''': Hey guys, you ready? Then let's do this! ''[The rest of the Journeys team declare themselves ready for the match.]'' We're gonna win, right?! ''[The team exclaim in agreement. Just then, a Piplup and Eevee run up to Ash and his team. Could it be...?]'' 
:'''Ash''': What? ''[Just then, Dawn and Chloe show up into the backstage area]''
:'''Dawn''': Hi there, Ash! 
:'''Chloe''': Sorry to barge in!
:'''Ash''': Dawn, Chloe! 
:'''Chloe''': We'll both cheer for you and since Goh couldn't make it, I'll cheer on his behalf too. ''[Nice substitutes, but where are the rest of Ash's other companions, not counting Tracey, Goh, and Iris?]''
:'''Ash''': Awesome, thanks a lot.
:'''Chloe''': Besides, I wanted to let Eevee see a live tournament.
:'''Eevee''': Eevee! [You know it!]
:'''Dawn''': I can understand that. I watched all this time on TV, but I just had to be there for this! 
:'''Chloe''': Everyone's cheering for you, back at the lab. Give it you're all, okay?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Hop''': Lee, what's wrong?
:'''Leon''': ''[in his mind]'' Feeling nervous but in a good way. I wonder why am I remembering my first Pokémon battle now?''[reveals flashback of a young Leon facing a young Sonia. This is a foreshadow of what the results are going to be...]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Piplup wearing his old cheerleader outfit from the Diamond and Pearl series. He is showing off his cute cheers to Chloe.]'' 
:'''Chloe''': You are just so cute in that outfit!
:'''Dawn''': Isn't it great? Piplup always cheered like that back in Sinnoh, too.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Announcer''': ''[We see Iris sitting in a tree watching the game on her tablet computer (went home to Unova to resume her Unova Champion duties), Lance is watching the game with Dragonite on his phone, Alain is with Mairin and Professor Sycamore at Sycamore's lab watching the game]'' And now, let's bring our finalists to the field. Ranked 8 in the Masters Eight, the very first Champion of the Alola region and hailing from Kanto, Ash Ketchum! ''[crowd cheering]'' 
:'''Dawn''': If Ash can't do it, no one can! ''[Both Piplup and Eevee are cheering on as well]''
:'''Chloe''': So many people cheering for Ash!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Announcer''': Ever since Ash entered the World Coronation series, he has taken on and defeated a long list of powerful opponents.  ''[Steven is watching the game in a meeting room inside Devon Corporation.]'' Perhaps, the most watched contestant, he even defeated Hoenn Champion, Steven Stone. Ash, then, took on the Sinnoh Champion, Cynthia, and emerged victorious. ''[Both Diantha and Cynthia are watching the game in person in the VIP box. Those two female Champions must now be big fans of Ash...]'' He has used Dynamax, Z-Moves and Mega Evolution, combining them with a Pokémon battling style of his own. So what kind of inspired moves will he make today? Now the one facing Ash. Here's the reigning Monarch with worldwide name recognition. He's the role model and battling goal for Pokémon trainers all over the globe. Ranked no. 1 in the Masters Eight, the Champion of the Galar region, Leon!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Dan''': The finals consists of a six-on-six full battle. There will be no limits on time or switching out Pokémon. The one who leaves all six of their opponents Pokémon unable to battle wins! Also, a contestant is only permitted to use Dynamax, a Z-move or Mega Evolution once per-
:'''Leon''': Hold it! 
:'''Dan''': Leon? 
:'''Leon''': Just once is pretty boring. So come at me using them all, okay?
:'''Ash''': Really?
:'''Leon''': This is the ultimate test of the all out competition! I want to battle with all their power! That's right! And that's why I want all of your Pokémon to hit us with everything we got! Dynamax, Z-moves and Mega Evolution! I want to battle against all of them! I want to challenge them all and beat them all! What about you? Don't you want to see a full power battle?! ''[The crowd cheers loudly which is cool, but we need approval from the officials first, Leon!]''
:'''Hop''': Go Lee! Yeah, that's my brother with the awesome ideas!
:'''Chloe''': What does that mean? 
:'''Dawn''': That means it'll be an amazing match!! Alright, you can do it, Ash!! 
:'''Dan''': ''[contacting the officials of Leon's proposition]'' Yes. Mmm-hmmm. I see. ''[hangs up]'' The officials in charge of the World Coronation series have agreed to Leon's suggestion! Ash, do you agree?
:'''Ash''': You bet! Sounds awesome! ''[Okay! Now we can start the show with this rule!]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Cynthia''': That's something Leon would do.
:'''Diantha''': Yes. This might become the kind of battle we'll never see again. 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Leon summons his Cinderace out while Ash summons his Pikachu.]''
:'''Ash''': I'm counting on you! I want you to be the first on the field.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Leon summons his Inteleon into battle. Leon has all three Galar starters which he must have obtained prior to becoming Champion! Now do you understand why the tradition of giving Ash, a region Champion, new starters has been banned after the Sun and Moon series, fans?! Ash summon his Gengar into the match.]''
:'''Ash''': This time, it's Inteleon?! It's like we're battling Goh's Pokémon!

==Toying With Your Motions!==
:''[Ash summons his Sirfetch'd into battle against Mr. Rime. Uh...]''
:'''Leon''': A Fighting type?
:'''Cynthia''': Against a Psychic type like Mr. Rime. Sirfetch'd is at a disadvantage.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Sirfetch'd uses Fury Cutter on the ice terrain, cancelling out Mr. Rime's field advantage.]''
:'''Announcer''': The energy of Psychic Terrain has been eliminated!!
:'''Mr. Rime''': Huh?
:'''Ash''': That's the way, Sirfetch'd! 
:'''Sirfetch'd''': Sirfetch'd. [That's how I do it.]
:'''Leon''': So that's the reason.
:'''Diantha''': Since it's a Bug-type move, it's capable of destroying a Psychic-type move? ''[You had to watch the Ash vs. Valerie Gym Battle, Diantha, because that is the same tactic Ash used before.]''
:'''Chloe''': I guess not all moves are meant to attack Pokémon.
:'''Dawn''': Yep! That's the way Ash rolls!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Leon's Dragapult strikes Dragonite with Dragon Tail switching Dragonite out for Mega Lucario]''
:'''Announcer''': It happened again with Dragon Tail! This time it forced Mega Lucario onto the field.
:'''Diantha''': It must be hard for Ash to work that way.
:'''Cynthia''': Ash may have more Pokémon remaining, but Leon's the one controlling the pace.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': ''[recalls his Lucario]'' Lucario, return. You gave it all that you had. I already knew Leon's strong! Even if I'm ahead, he catches up!
:'''Sonia''': Leon looks like he's not even trying. 
:'''Chloe''': Oh, Ash.
:'''Dawn''': He'll be fine! No need to worry! 
:'''James''': Dragapult's just too powerful.
:'''Meowth''': This could be bad news for the twerp.
:'''Jessie''': Get it together! We're up here cheering our little lungs out!
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobbuffet! [Get your act together!]

==Paring Pokémon While Parrying!==
:'''Leon''': When I bring out my Grass-type, a lot of opponents tend to use Flying-type attacks. This is how we answer that. 
:'''Dawn''': Offense is the best defense? Seems like Leon is acting a bit like Ash does.
:'''Chloe''': Huh?
:'''Dawn''': Don't you think that both of them have similar battling styles?
:'''Chloe''': Mm. 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Jessie''': Why, you big Champion jerk! 
:'''James''': He keeps grabbing the momentum.
:'''Meowth''': Nope. Pikachu and Dracovish are still in this thing.
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobbuffet! [I'm still worried though!]
:'''Leon''': Ash, thanks to you and your Pokémon, my Pokémon and I are truly living up to our greatest potential. But it's kind of really sad. You have two Pokémon. True, this battle has been great, but it's soon about to end.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[With Rillaboom down, both Ash and Leon have two Pokémon left. Now it's anybody's game.]''
:'''Announcer''': Ash caught up almost immeadiately! ''[Clemont and Bonnie are shown watching the game from the Lumiose Gym. This makes sense because Clemont and Bonnie have to run their Gym together which is why they could not show up to watch the game in person. They also appear to be aware that Ash should keep his guard up, but at least they are rooting for him]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[With Dracovish out, Pikachu is the only one left!]''
:'''Chloe''': Do you think they'll be alright?
:'''Dawn''': They'll be fine! Those two can handle anything!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Leon''': Hey, Ash.
:'''Ash''': Huh?
:'''Leon''': Charizard was my very first Pokémon. It's gone on all of my adventures. My partner from the very beginning. My very first battle. My very first catch. ''[a brief flashback shows a young Leon and his Charmander, alongside Sonia.]'' My very first evolution. Time and time again, it's been there with me.
:'''Ash''': I hear you, Leon. I've gone on every adventure with Pikachu. That's why I want Pikachu to beat Charizard.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Ash is ready to execute Pikachu's special Z-move]''
:'''Leon''': I've been waiting for this!
:'''Announcer''': Here we go! Ash and Pikachu have begun their Z-move!
:'''Ash''': Much bigger than a Thunderbolt! 10,000,000 Volt Thunderbolt! Yeah, this is much, much bigger! At super full power! ''[Ash's Alola team, Alolan companions (Lillie, Rotom Dex, Kiawe, Lana, Mallow, Sophocles) and their mons, Gladion, Professors Kukui and Burnet, Lei, and Principal Oak all watch the battle, rooting for their Alolan Champion. The Alolan companions and Gladion are students, the adults are staff members keeping the Alolan Pokémon school running and Kukui and Burnet have to take care of Lei and Ash's Alola team, which is why they did not appear in person at Wyndon Stadium.]'' 
:'''Pikachu''': Pika, Pika! [Behold our strength!]
:'''Ash''': Pikachu, use 10,000,000 Volt Thunderbolt!

==Partners in Time!==
:''[Eternatus flies around Wydon Stadium and it recharges both Ash and Leon's Dynamax bands and its sprinkling Galar particles around.]''
:'''Sonia''': Eternatus? But why?
:'''Professor Magnolia''': The stability of Galar particles is the stability of the Galar region. Eternatus appears to have just protected everyone of us and the region's peace. ''[Eternatus flies away. Guess Galar does need Eternatus after all.]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Leon''': Amazing! Eternatus gave us a bonus round! ''[showing his Dynamax band glowing.]''
:'''Ash''': Huh? ''[checks his Dynamax band and it is also glowing.]'' Yeah. My Dynamax band.
:'''Pikachu''': Pika? [What does that mean?]
:'''Leon''': I hope you're watching, Eternatus. Charizard return! ''[recalls his Charizard]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Leon''': Cinderace, return. ''[recalls Cinderace]'' You were the best. Great job Gigantamaxing. Alright, Ash! This will decide it! ''[readies Charizard]'' It's time to use our aces! 
:'''Ash''': Yeah! Partner vs partner!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Leon''': You did very well drive someone like me this far! You're helping me become stronger than ever! So, until the last move, I'd say we get even more fired up!
:'''Charizard''': ''[roars]'' [Come and get it!]
:'''Pikachu''': Pika! [Alright, I will!]
:'''Ash''': Thanks to you, we've gotten a whole lot stronger than before, Leon. This battle is the peak of all adventures Pikachu and I have had up until this point. That's why we're gonna win!
:''[During this dialogue, we see Professor Oak, Delia, Tracey and Ash's reserves still watching. The scene cuts to Misty at her gym watching the show (Misty had gym duties which is why she didn't show up at Wyndon). We see Brock, Cilan and Alexa watching (Cilan must have introduced Alexa to Brock). On top of that, Brock is working as a doctor, Cilan has connoisseur duties and Alexa is doing journalism which is why they also didn't appear at Wyndon. The scene cuts to Serena, Lisia, along with...May and Max! Keep in mind that May's Japanese voice actor had retired because of vocal problems and Max's Japanese voice actor retired from the business, which is why they don't have any lines. It's great that the two get to appear in a cameo and become friends with Serena. Also, all of them have performance completely scheduled unlike Dawn who performs on her own time.]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': Pikachu!
:''[Pikachu is getting exhausted. Everyone watching is worried. First Chloe and Dawn. Then Team Rocket. Then Diantha and Cynthia. Next is Misty. Then it goes to Serena holding hands with May who has one hand placed on Max's shoulder. Then Brock and Cilan (where's Alexa?). Next is Iris. Then it cuts to Clemont and Bonnie. Then the Alola cast (minus Sampson Oak?!). Then to Professor Oak, Delia and Tracey. And while Goh did not see the game, he is worried about Ash. Don't give up until it's over, Ash and Pikachu! Think of the times the two inspired their friends, surely they got Ash and Pikachu's back!]''
:'''Ash''': Pikachu!
:''[Pikachu starts to suffer a blackout...Inside the black void...]''
:'''Ash''': It's so cute! It's the best of all! Oh hi, Pikachu! ''[Pikachu zaps Ash. Then the black void becomes a white void. Just then Bulbasaur and Squirtle pop into the frame, followed by Charizard, Pidgeot and Butterfree.]''
:'''Bulbasaur''': Bulbasaur! [You're not giving up, are you?]
:'''Squirtle''': Squirtle! [You can do it, Pikachu!]
:'''Charizard''': ''[pops into the frame]'' Roar! [Get back up!]
:'''Pikachu''': Pi? [Huh?]
:'''Pidgeot''': Pidgeot! [I may not be here, but I know you are not done!]
:''[The rest of Ash's Generation I reserves appears: Mimey, Kingler, Primeape (fans are still mad at the writers for not returning Primeape to Ash), Snorlax, Muk, Lapras, 30 Tauros]''
:'''Mimey''': Mime! Mime! [We're all rooting for you!]
:'''Kingler, Muk, Snorlax, Tauros and Lapras''': ''[all cheer]'' [We got your back! Go, Pikachu, go! Keep up the pace! Don't slow down! Don't collapse on us!]
:''[Then Ash's Johto members: Noctowl, Bayleef, Quilava, Totodile, Donphan and Heracross...along with the Larvitar Ash travelled with but never caught.]''
:'''Noctowl''': Hoot! [Go get em, Pikachu!]
:'''Heracross''': Hera! [Don't stop, Pikachu!]
:'''The Johto Starters''': Quilava! Bay! Totodile! [Get back up! We're rooting for ya! Show me more energy!]
:'''Donphan and Larvitar''': Donphan! Larvitar! [Go, Pikachu! You can do it!]
:''[The next group are Ash's Hoenn/Battle Frontier team of Glalie, Corphish, Sceptile, Torkoal, Ambipom (fans are still mad at the writers for &quot;To Thine own Pokémon be True!&quot; because of Ambipom's release) and Swellow]''
:'''All members''': ''[each gave their exclamation as if to say...]'' [Don't give up! You're still in the running! Don't quit on us! Show your opponent who's boss! I may be not be a member of your team anymore, but I am always with you! Keep going, Pikachu!]
:''[Next up are the Sinnoh members: Infernape, Gliscor, Torterra, Staraptor, Buizel and Gible]''
:'''All Sinnoh members''': ''[all cheering]'' [Get back up! You are not going down that easy! Keep going, Pikachu! You're not going down! You're not through yet! Come on, Pikachu!]
:''[Then there's Ash's Unova team: Unfezant, Oshawott, Pignite, Snivy, Scraggy, Leavanny, Boldore, Palpitoad and Krookodile]''
:'''Ash's Unova members''': ''[all roaring]'' [Give it everything you got! Don't fail us now! Do it for us! You still have some strength left in ya! The game's not over yet! Keep on pushing! Keep battling! Don't quit on us! It's not cool to lose right now!]
:''[Ash's Kalos members are shown next: Greninja, Goodra (fans are still mad at the writers for &quot;Facing the Needs of the Many!&quot; because of these two releases), Talonflame, Hawlucha and Noivern]''
:'''Ash's Kalos members''': ''[all exclaming]'' [Don't give up until it's over! That's what Ash told us! We believe in you! Get back up and fight! Fight with all your might!]
:''[The Alolan Squad is shown next: Rowlet, Dusk Lycanroc, Incineroar, Naganadel, Melmetal and Nebby the Solgaleo]''
:'''Ash's Alola Team''': ''[more exclamation]'' [Come on! You've helped us won the Alola League! Surely, you can win this tournament as well! I'm always there for you in spirit! Don't let us down! Keep going, Pikachu!]
:''[Finally, the Journeys team: Dragonite, Lucario, Gengar, Sirfetch'd and Dracovish]''
:'''Ash's Journeys team''': ''[cheering for Pikachu as well. Ash also appears too]'' [Come on! This is your time to shine! Time to show Leon what you're made of! Keep having at them! Everyone's depending on you!]
:'''Ash''': You see, Pikachu? Everybody's backing us up!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Charizard collapses from exhaustion. You know what that means...]''
:'''Dan''': Charizard is unable to battle! Which means the victory goes to Ash! ''[Congratulations, Ash! You are now the very best like no one ever was!]''
:'''Announcer''': It's decided! We now have ourselves a new Champion! From the Kanto region, born in Pallet Town, Ash Ketchum!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Leon''': ''[enters the centre's wing]'' Look like Pikachu is feeling better. ''[His Charizard takes a look inside]''
:'''Ash''': Leon!
:'''Pikachu''': Pika! [Hey there!]
:'''Leon''': It was a good battle. Lots of fun too. 
:'''Ash''': I've feel the exact same way.
:'''Leon''': It made me think back my very first Pokémon battle. A great time. ''[The flashback revealed that Leon's Charmander lost to a Rookidee owned by Sonia herself. Leon gets upset about this loss.]'' Yet frustrated. Of course, that's what a Pokémon battle really is. From now on, I'm just another challenger. I'll have lots of battles and become even stronger.
:'''Ash''': Me too! I want to have tons of battles!
:'''Leon''': ''[extends his hand]'' Let's battle again sometime.
:'''Ash''': ''[accepts Leon's handshake]'' You got it! ''[Pikachu delivers a friendly headbutt to Charizard]''
:'''Dawn''': It's getting to be about time for the award ceremony, Ash!
:'''Chloe''': Hey Leon, you're coming too, right?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Diantha''': You know. I've suddenly got the urge to have a battle.
:'''Cynthia''': Great. Me too. I'm free. ''[Diantha and Cynthia were right to see a lot of potential in Ash when they met him for the first time.]''

==The Mew From Here!==
:''[Since Ash vs. Leon was happening at the same time, we get to see Project Mew. The Chasers had just landed on the island. Time to start the search but a little sightseeing full of wild Pokémon living there, first.]''
:'''Goh''': Oh. Amazing.
:'''Horace''': Yeah. 
:'''Goh''':This place is teeming with Pokémon life.
:'''Horace''': It's truly a Pokémon paradise.
:'''Quillon''': Let's go. ''[Time to get back to the mission]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[At the mountain base]''
:'''Goh''': Does it have to be that tall?
:'''Horace''': And it gives off a pristine vibe.
:'''Danika''': Ancient fishermen gave it the name of Sharishariima.
:'''Goh''': Sharishari?
:'''Quillon''': A sound like an evil monster attacking humans.
:'''Gary''': One shouldn't even approach a mountain of horrors like that. Wasn't that the message? ''[Sure, unless there is something important to find in that area.]''
:'''Danika''': Geologically, this mountain is very important. It hasn't changed its shape in several hundred million years.
:'''Quillon''': In ancient times, this might have been the axis or the centre of the world.

==In the Palm of our Hands!==

==Heroes Unite!==
:''[While camping out with Grookey, Cinderace, Ash, Pikachu, Chloe, and Eevee, Goh rises from his chair and looks at Ash, preparing to come clean about traveling on his own]''
:'''Goh''': Hey, Ash?
:'''Ash''': Hm? ''[Chloe looks at the duo]'' What's up, Goh?
:''[Goh starts to hesitate, then smiles, unwilling to leave Ash for the sake of their friendship]''
:'''Ash''': Huh?
:'''Goh''': No, it's really nothing. I'm sorry.
:'''Ash''': Okay.
:'''Goh''': ''[looking at the starry night]'' The stars are really pretty tonight, you know?
:'''Ash''': ''[also rising from his chair]'' Goh?
:'''Goh''': Huh?
:'''Ash''': I'm taking another journey. ''[Both Goh and Chloe gasped in shock at what Ash just said]'' I'll be heading out with Pikachu, of course.
:'''Pikachu''': Pika.
:''[Logs burning in the fire begin to tumble still, as Goh looks down, feeling betrayed by Ash's intention to continue his journey without him]''
:'''Goh''': ''[distraught]'' You're heading out... without... talking about it?
:'''Ash''': ''[looking surprised]'' Huh?
:'''Goh''': And you're doing it... without asking anybody?!
:'''Ash''': Hey, Goh?
:'''Goh''': So we weren't... GOOD FRIENDS AFTER ALL!!! ''[tearfully running away from the camp with Grookey and Cinderace, taking his bag with him]'' WE'RE THROUGH!!!
:'''Cinderace''': Cinde!
:''[Ash and Pikachu are left stunned and perplexed by Goh's reaction]''
:'''Chloe''': The thing is... Goh is conflicted.
:'''Ash''': About what?
:'''Chloe''': Taking his own journey.
:'''Ash''': ''[gasps]'' Conflicted, huh?
:'''Chloe''': But he just couldn't decide all by himself. He thought that would betray your friendship. ''[taking her bag with her]'' Maybe you didn't realize how much you mean to him. You're the first real friend he's made.
:''[Chloe leaves the camp with Eevee in search for Goh, while Ash and Pikachu sees them off before going to find Goh as well]''
:'''Ash''': Goh!

==This Could be the Starts of Something Big!==

==The Road Most Traveled!==
:''[Note: Starting in this episode, Ash FINALLY begins to use and rotate his reserves. Unfortunately, this is too little, too late, as the writers should have had Ash used them at the start of the Generation VIII series while building a new team and not make Ash overuse his current team while ignoring the reserves just like he did in Hoenn, Unova, Kalos, Alola and the World Coronation Series. The tradition of Ash overusing his current team, while ignoring the reserves, is now and forever the most hated concept of all time.]''

:''[Both Ash and Pikachu reach a fork in the road. Which route to take?]''
:'''Ash''': So which one should we take?
:'''Pikachu''': Pika. [Let's decide] ''[Ash finds a nearby stick near one of the tree roots.]''
:'''Ash''': Right. This'll decide. How about we go where the leaves point? ''[He tosses the stick in to the air allowing Pikachu to swat it with his tail. The stick spins into the air for a bit before landing and pointing towards the left.]'' To the left! ''[The two start, only for Ash to turn around. Are you for real, Ash?]'' I thought so but I want to go the other way. It just sort of hit me. ''[Pikachu retaliates by zapping Ash's hat off.]'' 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Something invisible has crashed into a lake. Ash, Pikachu, Sceptile, Noivern and Donphan all check it out]''
:'''Ash''': Something's over there. ''[The figure becomes visible and shows off its redness]'' Isn't that? ''[He pulls Latias to the surface]'' Hang in there, Latias. ''[Latias is freaking out and tries to flee only to fail because it is too injured.]'' Stop! Calm down! Please! What's wrong, Latias? I'm sorry I scared you. ''[Both Ash and Latias head towards the lakeshore, only to sink.]'' Buizel! ''[summons his Buizel. Buizel does help push Latias to the shore.]'' Hey, thanks, that's awesome.

==A Fated Face-Off!==

==Must be our Heroes and the Witch!==
:'''Kathy''': Thanks for your patience. Here's some sandwiches and a dish of some special Pokémon food.
:'''Ash and Misty''': Wow! Time to dig in!
:'''Ash''': The yummiest!
:'''Misty''': The best!
:'''Ash''': But I feel like I've tasted something like this before.
:'''Misty''': I was just thinking the exact same thing.
:'''Ash''': These are the most delicious things I've had. ''[At this point, Kathy is carrying a couple drinks on a tray and passing by hearing the two's conversations]''
:'''Kathy''': Why thank you. Mr. Chef, you're being praised! Come on out!
:'''Brock''': Ah ha. Thank you so much. ''[What on earth are you doing here?! Shouldn't you be working as a doctor?]''
:'''Ash and Misty''': Hey, it's Brock!
:'''Brock''': Ash! Misty! ''[Pikachu jumps onto Brock's shoulder]''
:'''Pikachu''': Pikachu! [Hello again, Brock!]
:'''Brock''': Nice to see you, Pikachu.
:'''Misty''': Brock, so what are you doing here?
:'''Brock''': What does it look like? I've taken a job here as the restaurant's head chef, of course. ''[Oh, you have got to be kidding the fans!]''
:'''Misty''': But you're a Pokémon doctor!
:'''Brock''': I chose this! I'm devoting my life to helping her all she does.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Brock''': ''[upon learning that Kathy has a fiancee]'' I was on fire, now I'm burned out.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[A voice off-camera recognizes Ash. Could it be...]''
:'''Cilan''': Huh? Ash? ''[Both Ash and Misty turn their attention to Ash's former Unova companion]''
:'''Ash''': Cilan!
:'''Cilan''': It really is you! ''[Ash and Cilan shake hands]''
:'''Both Ash and Cilan''': Long time! 
:'''Misty''': You're the one who gave Ash that lure.
:'''Ash''': Meet my good friend from a bunch of journeys. You'll love her!
:'''Misty''': I am Cerulean Gym Leader, Misty, with beauty known around the world!
:'''Cilan''': But of course. A sensational sister of Cerulean City. ''[Fans think only Daisy deserves the title, not Lily and Violet.]''
:'''Misty''': They're my three older sisters.
:'''Cilan''': Sisters? So Sensational sisters and a side of weak tea...
:'''Misty''': WEAK TEA?! ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A FIGHT?!
:'''Cilan''': Uhhh...that wasn't what I meant.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Cilan''': It's Brock!
:'''Misty''': You know him?
:'''Cilan''': We became friends in the Johto region just a little while back. We watched your final match together. Oh yeah, congrats on the win! ''[There was an undubbed post Black and White episode where Cilan did meet Brock]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jessie''': The Twerps are history! Where did they go?
:'''James''': How unusual. They were headed this way...
:'''Meowth''': If this keeps up, I'll never get the sweet head pat rewards from the loving hands of the Boss.
:'''Jessie''': Moving up to division leadership!
:'''James''': Social advancement and a party!
:'''Meowth''': Full tummies!
:'''Team Rocket''': We want food!
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobbuffet!
:'''Hattrem''': Hatt...
:'''Jessie''': Oh, wait. Who is that Pokémon?
:'''James''': Hattrem!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Brock''': With this, I've discovered I'm still going to need a lot more experience. So, I'll travel with Ash and crew and train up my heart the right way. ''[Now, that's what fans are talking about. Don't give up on your doctor job.]''
:'''Ash''': Wow, another good friend is coming along.
:'''Misty''': That means we'll have great food!
:'''Ash''': Yeah and meals Brock and Cilan make are totally awesome.
:'''Cilan''': As much as I appreciate the compliments, I'm on my own from here.
:'''Ash''': Huh? You're not travelling with us?
:'''Cilan''': Ingo and Emmett will be holding an event to unveil a brand new train car and I really have to be there! There will be a new lunchbox!
:'''Ash''': Really? Then let's meet up again!
:'''Cilan''': And best wishes! Take good care!
:'''Ash''': Best wishes for a great journey!

==Bearing Down Easy!==
:'''Ash''': Guys, I think that Beartic may be having trouble using its Ice type powers.
:'''Misty''': Really? It made some pretty good ice pillars.
:'''Brock''': That isn't what Beartic intended to do. It's strange, but it only seems to be freezing things when it's startled or scared.

==A Squad Worth of Passion!==
:'''Jessie''': What a racket! What's the problem?
:'''Meowth''': It's the twerp replay.
:'''James''': You don't think they came to reassess the Squirtle Squad, do you?
:'''Jessie''': Stop, that's not even half a joke!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Misty''': ''[drags Brock away with Croagunk's help. Hey, seems Croagunk and Misty share something in common!]'' Yeah, yeah, fate's had enough of your world, thank you.
:'''Brock''': The double broken heart is twice as painful.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[As the Squirtle Squad leave for another trip on firefighting business, a large crowd is running towards Ash and the gang. Wait a second...]''
:'''Girl''': Hey, wait for us!
:'''Ash''': They're Squirtle's fans! ''[True, but they're not here for Squirtle...]''
:'''Brock''': That's popularity.  
:'''Random fan''': I knew it! It's Ash the Champion! ''[Hey, Ash is finally acknowledge as a World Champion]'' 
:'''Ash''': Oh, you mean me?
:'''Pikachu''': Pika. [Yes, you.]
:'''Brock''': We sure have a popular one right here.
:''[The crowd surrounds Ash asking for his autographs. This might take a while...]''
:'''Pikachu''': Pika! Pika! [Hey, take it easy!]
:'''Ash''': Why are they doing this to us?!

==The Same Moon, Now and Forever!==

==Ride, Lapras, Ride!==

==Getting to the Heart of it All!==

==Rocket Revengers!==
:''[Delibird throws several Poké-balls into the air.]''
:'''Team Rocket''': Huh?
:''[Could it be...? It is! It's Team Rocket's old Pokémon that were left at HQ: Yanmega, Seviper, Woobat, Frillish, Gourgeist, Mime Jr., Yamask, Inkay, Amoonguss and Carnivine! Each of Team Rocket's old Pokémon announce themselves.]''
:'''Yanmega''': Yan-Yan! [Hello again!]
:'''Seviper''': Seviper! [Long time no see!]
:'''Woobat''': Woobat-Woobat! [Did you miss us?]
:'''Frillish''': Frillish-Frillish! [It's great to be back!]
:'''Gourgeist''': Gourgeist-Gour! [What's up?]
:'''Mime Jr.''': Mime-Mime-Mime-Mime! [Just like good old days!]
:'''Yamask''': Yamask! [Ready to work!]
:'''Inkay''': Inkay-Ink! [I'm in for some more fun!]
:'''Amoonguss''': Amoonguss! [Love the surprise?]
:'''Carnivine''': Carnivine! [It's going to be delightful!]
:'''Morpeko''': Mor-Morpeko. [You must be the other mons Jessie and James mentioned.]
:''[Team Rocket cheered in excitement at seeing their old Pokémon again. Just like the good old days!]''
:'''Jessie''': Dear Frillish, and Gourgeist and Woobat and Yanmega! Seviper! Dearies! ''[Her Pokémon are cuddling her quite well.]''
:'''James''': Inkay, Mime Jr., Amoonguss, Dear Yamask! Chomp down, Carnivine! ''[James' mons are cuddling him as well with Carnivine biting James' head.]''
:'''Meowth''': Nothing like a Pokémon party to rock the house!
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobba-Wobbuffet! [I sure miss those guys!]
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Delibird also summons a golden statue of Giovanni as well. The eyes on the statue turn blue to indicate that Giovanni is contacting them through the statue]''
:'''Giovanni''': Jessie, James, Meowth.
:'''Jessie, James, Meowth''': Giovanni, sir!
:'''Giovanni''': I want you to take responsibility for the Pokémon you have caught up to this point. ''[Wish you done that earlier, instead of having them use the Rocket Prize Master, Giovanni?]''
:'''Jessie, James, Meowth''': Yes, sir!
:'''Giovanni''': That is all. ''[The statue explodes]'' 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Jessie''': It brings back memories and this face and that face and of all our assignments. ''[a fantasy version of Weezing, Arbok (both released in Hoenn to protect the wild Koffing and Ekans), Victreebel (traded away for another Weepinbell by the Magikarp salesman before they both got released in Johto), Dustox (released in Sinnoh to mate with a Shiny Dustox), Lickitung (Jessie accidentally traded her Lickitung for Benny's Wobbuffet in Johto), Chimecho (James left it behind in one of his summer cottages after Chimecho was too ill to continue), Cacnea (given away to Gardenia in Sinnoh to master Drain Punch), Mareanie and Mimikyu (both left behind in Alola) all appear. So when are the Rocket Gang going to reunite with them again, not counting Mareanie and Mimikyu?]'' 
:'''Meowth''': I hope they are feeling all the love.
:'''Jessie''': For the sake of those who did their love and best...
:'''James''': And for the sake of giving the boss a tiny bit of peace...
:'''Both Jessie and James''': We'll get our hands on Pikachu, that's what we'll do!
:'''Meowth''': And we'll let the world know Team Rocket's Revenge Mission is riding again!
:'''Jessie''': That makes us sound like real villains!
:'''James''': Totally nasty!
:'''Meowth''': All we need are the details of a plan.
:'''James''': Pick me, please! I've got some rocking plans! Right, Mime Jr.?
:'''Mime Jr.''': Mime-Mime! (Right, James!)
:'''Jessie''': Perhaps you'd like to explain it now, Mr. Plan Maker.

==Ash and Latios!==

==The Rainbow and the Pokémon Master!==
:''[Note: This is the last episode where Ash and Pikachu are the main protagonists.]''
:'''Tracey''': Ash! Pikachu!
:'''Ash''': Good morning, Tracey!
:'''Pikachu''': Pikachu. [Morning, Marill.]
:'''Marill''': Ma-marill [Hi, Pikachu.]
:'''Ash''': Where are you going?
:'''Tracey''': I got to run an errand for the Professor, so I'll be out for a while. Take over while I'm gone.
:'''Ash''': Sure. Leave it to me. Have Charmander, Squirtle and Bulbasaur arrived? The Professor said I could see them before they go to new trainers.
:'''Tracey''': They've arrived a while ago. The Professor will be giving them checkups.
:'''Ash''': Gotta see that! Pikachu, let's go! ''[Both Ash and Pikachu head to the lab]''
:'''Tracey''': Well, Marill. Let's be on our way too. 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Gary''': Hey thanks for finding Charmander. I'm the one who grabbed these three guys to the lab.
:'''Ash''': Oh really, that was you? Lucky you, huh? You got to go explore!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': Heading out already?
:'''Gary''': I may not look it, but I'm pretty busy. Oh hey, Ash. I still haven't mentioned it yet. Congratulations on being champ.
:'''Ash''': Uhhh...thanks a lot, Gary. 
:'''Gary''': So, now that you're the Champion, just how close are you to becoming a Pokémon Master? ''[Ash is confused, but Gary has faith that Ash will figure it out.]'' Later. ''[leaves the lab with his Umbreon.]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': ''[noticing his Pidgeot that he released at the end of the Indigo League run. Took you long enough, writers.]'' Pidgeot! You saved us!
:'''Jessie''': What's going on?
:'''Meowth''': I think the twerp's Pidgeotto evolved. ''[The Rocket gang freak out by this revelation]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': You saved us, Pidgeot! Thanks a lot!
:'''Pikachu''': Pika-pika! [Glad you're back!]
:'''Pidgeot''': Pidgeot! [Anytime!]
:''[Just then, Pidgeot's flock of wild Pidgey and Pidgeotto arrive]''
:'''Pikachu''': Pika! [Look at that flock!]
:'''Ash''': Is it me, or is everybody bigger than last time?
:'''Pidgeot''': Geot! [Oh, they've grown up and gotten stronger!]
:'''Pidgeotto''': Geottot-Pidgeotto! [Go be with your trainer again. We're old enough to take care of ourselves!]
:'''Pidgeot''': Pidgeot! [Take care then!]
:'''Pikachu''': Pika? [Do you...?]
:'''Ash''': Wanna come travel with me again?
:'''Pidgeot''': Pidgeot! [Yes! I am long overdue for one!]
:''[The flock bid farewell to Pidgeot assuring that they can run the forest quite well on their own. Pidgeot bids farewell to his former group as well before returning to Ash, finally fulfilling the promise that Ash would come back for Pidgeot.]''
:'''Ash''': Pidgeot, it's so awesome to have you back!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': Pikachu.
:'''Pikachu''': Pi? [Yes?]
:'''Ash''': Remember what we saw Gary the other day?
:'''Pikachu''': Pikachu? [What about it?]
:'''Ash''': He asked me... he asked me how close I got into becoming a Pokémon Master. Being Champion isn't my goal. The thing is I still think of myself as a challenger. I wanna go on a lot more adventures, meet lots more Pokémon, and take everything I learned every day and put it to good use. That includes meeting Latios.
:'''Pikachu''': Pika. [I see.]
:'''Ash''': The thing is... I wanna be friends with all of the Pokémon in the world. That's what it means to be a Pokémon Master.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Last lines]''
:'''Ash''': Hmm. Which way do you wanna go?
:'''Pikachu''': Pika. ''[spots a twig]'' Pi?
:'''Ash''': Huh?
:'''Pikachu''': Pika!
:''[Pikachu picks up a twig and gives it to Ash. Then Ash tosses it into the air to decide which way his journey will take him and Pikachu next. Farewell, Ash, until we meet you again...]''

[[Category:Japanese TV shows]]
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{{Pokémon header}}
----
This is a list of episodes in Pokémon Ultimate Journeys: The Series, the twenty-fifth season of the Pokémon animated series (ポケットモンスター Poketto Monsutā?, Pokét Monsters), covering the adventures of series protagonist Ash Ketchum and his new travelling companion Goh as they travel around the Pokémon world, based at the Cerise Research Laboratory in Vermilion City in the Kanto region.

==The Spectral Express!==

==The Winding Path to Greatness==

==It's All in the Name!==
:''[Note: This episode is dedicated in memory of Ren's voice actor, Billy Kametz, who passed away on June 9, 2022, shortly after recording this episode]''

:'''Ash''': Hey, whatcha got in the box, Ren?
:'''Ren''': After being out for repairs, it's finally back. A lamp that Francois really loves! ''[after plugging it in]'' Come on out! It's lunchtime!
:'''Francois/ Magnemite''': Magnemite! [Alright!] ''[begins absorbing the electricity from the lamp]''

==Suffering the Flings and Arrows!==
:''[Note: This episode was to apologize to fans for making Erika a jerk and an irresponsible Gym Leader in the original series. Granted, Ash was rude back then, but still. As of this episode, fans have finally forgave the writers for this serious offence in the original series.]''

:'''Erika''': Welcome to the Celadon Gym. Nice to meet you. My name is Erika, the Gym Leader.
:'''Ash, Goh and Chloe''': Hi there, it's a pleasure to see you.
:'''Erika''': Thank you. ''[recognizes Ash]'' Oh my, don't I know you?
:'''Ash''': ''[a bit nervous]'' That's right, I'm Ash.
:'''Erika''': I recognize you now. Hi Ash! ''[cut to flashback where Ash rescued her Gloom from the fire]'' You helped rescue all the Pokémon after the Gym caught fire. I want to thank you again. You did a really wonderful thing!
:'''Ash''': Aww...
:'''Goh''': Ash, you really did that? ''[It does hint that neither Ash nor Erika were proud of making a bad first impression of each other since they don't mention the issues that caused the Celadon Gym to get caught on fire to Goh or Chloe]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Goh has decided to decorate flowers on Pinsir to make Heracross and Pinsir a happy couple, only to attract the attention of Erika]''
:'''Erika''': A happy couple?! ''[starts to get mad. Don't you remember what you did wrong in the original series when you acted like that?!]'' Could it be you want to use Pokémon flower arranging for romance?!
:'''Goh''': ''[getting nervous]'' Uhhh...well, it's just that... ''[in his mind]'' Am I doing this for the wrong reasons?!
:''[a brief stare down later]''
:'''Erika''': ''[getting cheerful again...whew]'' I think that's wonderful! A trainer would want to see their Pokémon be happy! I insist that you two allow me to help you out!

==The Good, The Bad and The Lucky!==
:''[Note: Since fans were curious as to why Cassidy and Butch were replaced by Matori at the end of the Diamond and Pearl series, fans get to know what became of the two]''

:'''Cassidy''': Relax, it's not going anywhere and there's more where that came from.
:'''Raticate''': Raticate! [Please, enjoy!]
:'''Jessie''': This is scrumpty! 
:'''James''': It's not everyday that a complete stranger would come and save our lives! ''[suddenly recognizes Cassidy]'' Time out! I've seen you before!
:'''Cassidy''': Normally, I wouldn't respond to that but I'll be glad to show you who you are dealing with.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The Team Rocket learn that the cafe owner is none other than Cassidy!]'' 
:'''The Gang''': Cassidy?!
:'''Jessie''': What are you doing in a place like this?!
:'''James''': I venture in a guess that you are on some super secret Team Rocket mission! Am I right?
:'''Cassidy''': Missed it by a mile. I quit. ''[The gang are confused]'' 
:'''Jessie''': My leg's been pulled by a mile quite enough.
:'''Cassidy''': Team Rocket was part of my life but it wasn't all. 
:'''James''': Things besides Team Rocket?
:'''Meowth''': Just what do you mean?
:'''Cassidy''': It's true we were elite members, miles above you, but all those failed mission reports- awful! The grind had simply worn us down.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[A familiar face and voice steps out of the bakery. It's Butch who also quit Team Rocket!]''
:'''Butch''': ''[excited]'' We have customers? ''[shocked to see Jessie, Wobbuffet and Meowth]'' IT CAN'T BE YOU!
:'''Jessie''': So, who are you?
:'''Butch''': Normally, I wouldn't answer that but I'm glad to show you...''[the gang freak out]''
:'''Jessie''': Botch, it's you!
:'''Butch''': The name's Butch, okay?! The name is BUTCH!
:''[Later, Jessie, Wobbuffet and Meowth are enjoying bread Butch gave them]''
:'''Jessie''': Yum! What is this?
:'''Meowth''': It rocks my world!
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobbuffet! [So delicious!]
:'''Butch''': Ehh...to tell the truth...
:'''Jessie''': Don't say another word. All those lousy, loser reports and the grind had simply worn you down, right?
:'''Butch''': ''[a bit annoyed]'' Look, it's my story to tell so let me talk.
:'''Meowth''': Cassidy gave us the lowdown.
:'''Butch''': Huh? You already met with her?
:'''Jessie''': Butch, we like to pay for that yummy food you gave us by working for it.
:'''Butch''': THE NAME IS BOTCH! ''[realizes that Jessie pronounced his name correctly]'' Hmmm...she's right.

==Lighting the Way Home!==
==An Evolution in Taste!==
==Out of Their Elements!==
==Battling Turned Up to Eleven!==
:''[Ash and Goh arrived in Spikemuth after being tricked by Team Yell that the World Coronation series match is here. The city is dark and empty. Not a good place to have a World Coronation series match...]''
:'''Ash''': We're going to have a battle here? ''[Even Pikachu is baffled]''
:'''Goh''': Yep, apparently the directions Team Yell gave us lead right to this location. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Piers''': ROCK AND ROLL! ''[while practing with his Rillaboom, two Toxtricity and Obstagoon]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Both Pikachu's Thunderbolt and Toxtricity's Discharge attacks cancel each other out]''
:'''Ash''': Hey, that wasn't nice!
:'''Piers''': We're in the middle of a rehearsal, so no one is allowed inside.
:'''Goh''': But hold on, isn't this a gym? 
:'''Piers''': It's our gym, it's our stage. Spikemuth Gym. I'm the Gym Leader here, a real genius with Dark types. Mournful Piers is what the fans call me! Now meet the band! On backing vocals, Obstagoon! ''[Obstagoon screams like the band members of KISS]'' On drums, Rillaboom! On guitar, Toxtricity (Amped form)! On bass, Toxtricity (Low-key form)! 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Ash''': I'm here for the World Coronation series! My name is Ash! I'm battling today! 
:'''Piers''': Wait, your name is Ash? Are you in the Ultra Class? And you are from the Kanto region?
:'''Ash''': Right, so you're saying you've heard of me?
:'''Goh''': Wow Ash! You're famous!
:'''Piers''': That's weird. Marnie should be waiting for you over at Wyndon Stadium.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[A weary Piers sighs in annoyance, hinting that Team Yell has a bad habit of sabotaging Marnie's opponents. Good thing Piers is a Team leader that is not a villain.]''
:'''Piers''': They're part of our crew. Sorry if they messed you up.
:'''Ash''': So, how do you know about Marnie?
:'''Piers''': She's my little sister.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Marnie''': No, I can't do that! ''[accept a default win]'' I want a real battle, you hear me? I'm gonna wait.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Marnie learns that her fanclub, Team Yell, attempted sabotage from Ash]''
:'''Marnie''': ''[to Team Yell]'' SHUT YOUR BIG YAPS! ''[to Ash]'' Hey, did that lot really lie to you?
:'''Ash''': Uh-huh. They said the match was somewhere else. Thankfully, Piers drove me here, himself.
:'''Marnie''': My bro did that?
:'''Team Yell grunt''': We really wanted you to win, Marnie! You win and it'll help Spikemuth out, don't you see that?
:'''Marnie''': Not if I win that way! ''[The Team Yell grunts all freak out. You know you did wrong when your idol chews you out for your actions]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Marnie does the friendly smile pose just like in the games]''
:'''Marnie''': Thanks for today. I loved our match. But mark my words, Ash. I won't lose again! 
:'''Ash''': ''[nods in agreement and shakes Marnie's hand]'' We'll both do our best!
:'''Pikachu''': Pikachu! [Take care, Marnie!]

==Meeting Up with the Monarch!==
:''[two kids are running to watch the show]''
:'''Boy 1''': We got to hurry, Leon's battle has already started! 
:'''Boy 2''': Yeah, I know!
:'''Ash''': Huh, Leon's having a battle! Wait a second! Hang on.
:'''Boy 1''': Huh? You beat Marnie yesterday!
:'''Boy 2''': We saw it all! You were really strong! ''[hmmm...Ash is sure becoming more famous...]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Flint''': ''[recalls his defeated Infernape]'' That's why you're the Champion. Thank you. ''[shakes Leon's hand. Back to training, Flint...]''
:'''Leon''': Good battle. Let's do it again. ''[sounds a lot like Ash would say...]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Goh asks Sonia about what Leon is like]''
:'''Sonia''': Let me see...He can't sit still when he sees a Pokémon, kind of like a really big kid who just loves all of them.
:'''Goh''': A kid who really loves Pokémon? You know, that sounds just like Ash.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Goh questions Sonia about Leon's early life]''
:'''Sonia''': I'll tell you. Leon didn't have many friends when he was small. 
:'''Goh''': Really, why is that?
:'''Sonia''': He was probably too busy caring for his little brother [Hop] or doing chores which didn't leave him much time to play with his classmates. But I was his friend, so he saw me now and again. But one day, he befriended Charmander. And as he learned about Pokémon battles, suddenly friends, rivals, and all sorts of people surrounded him. I guess you could say that Pokémon truly expanded Leon's world! 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The drawback of being a Champion.]''
:'''Ash''': Hey Leon, what's it like to be a Champion, anyways?
:'''Leon''': ''[a bit glum]'' I'm scared all the time.
:'''Ash''': Huh?
:'''Leon''': I've never lost a Pokémon battle before. And that scares me a lot. I'm scared I reached my limit and I can't grow anymore, that I can't get any stronger than I am now. ''[cut to a flashback of the Darkest Day arc]'' But when that happened...
:'''Ash''': ''[flashback]'' The sky!
:'''Goh''': ''[flashback]'' Could that be Eternatus?
:'''Leon''': ''[continuing the narration]'' I tried, but I couldn't put a scratch on Eternatus. ''[goes back to the present]'' I was frustrated but excited at the same time. There are still many in this world that are much stronger than I am. But, I'm still chasing after them! I've got a lot of work to do to grow stronger!

==A One-Stick Wonder!==
:''[Note: Many fans still insist that Ash should have gotten Thwackey as to make up for not getting Grookey and continue the tradition of giving Ash a starter. However, current generation starters are not allowed to double up between main protagonists because it will get confusing and people will accuse the writers of playing favourites. Also, Ash is still a region Champion thus giving a starter will still be seen as a large downgrade in Ash's skill]''

:'''Goh''': The Wild Area offers a chance to catch unlimited Pokémon! Or at least that's what I thought...''[it's revealed that Grookey ruined Goh's chance of getting an Applin, causing it to run away]'' Grookey, you could be a little less rambunctious.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Goh notices that the Thwackey has only one stick instead of two]''
:'''Goh''': Huh? It should have two sticks. ''[The one-stick Thwackey runs off]''
:'''Ash''': Oh look, it's getting away!
:'''Goh''': ''[throws the Pokéball at the Thwackey. Really, Goh?! You can't be bothered to evolve your own Grookey?!]'' Poké-ball, go! ''[Thwackey swats it away]'' What are you- ''[rightfully gets hit in the face with the Poké-ball.]''

==Battling in the Freezing Raid!==
==The Future is Now, Thanks to Strategy!==
:''[As Ash heads to Lumiose Gym, he sees a television that is promoting an upcoming event which is none other than Ash's World Coronation series match against Drasna, the Dragon-type user of the Kalos Elite Four]''
:'''Announcer on TV''': It's the Pokémon World Coronation Series Ultra Class! And for tomorrow's match, we'll bring you the 12th ranked competitor, Drasna! And...''[Ash's face appears on the television screen much to Ash &amp; Pikachu's shock]''
:'''Ash''': Ahhh! That's me!
:'''Announcer on TV''': A rising star from Kanto who has been climbing his way up the ranks at number 15, Ash! It's almost time, right, Drasna? ''[Nice that Ash is getting acknowledgement for his accomplishments, yet they still don't mention that he's Alola Champion?]''
:'''Drasna''': I believe Ash is extremely talented which makes me very happy to compete against him!
:'''Announcer on TV''': Well, folks, you heard it here first. We've been speaking to Drasna. Thanks again! ''[The report ends and cuts to a picture of Diantha and her Gardevoir.]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Ash''': Clemont!
:'''Pikachu''': Pika! (Clemont!)
:'''Clemont''': Ash! Pikachu! Great to see you!
:''[Pikachu goes up to Luxray and they bump fists, which are sparking electricity.]''
:'''Pikachu''': Pikachu! (Hey, Luxray!)
:'''Luxray''': Luxray. (Long time no see, Pikachu.)
:'''Clemont''': Your opponent really surprised me! You're battling ''the'' Drasna of the Elite Four!
:'''Ash''': Uh-huh! And my Pokémon are so psyched!
:'''Clemont''': So, for old time's sake...
:'''Both Ash and Clemont''': Everybody, come on out! ''[Ash's team appears alongside Clemont's Chespin and... his newly evolved Diggersby!]''
:'''Clemont''': ''[Dragonite excitedly hugs Clemont]'' Wow! It's Dragonite! ''[Dracovish starts nibbling on Ash's head]'' Who's that Pokémon?!
:'''Ash''': Its name is Dracovish. It was restored from fossils found in Galar! I think it's kinda rare.
:'''Clemont''': Hi! Nice to meet you!
:''[Ash notices that Clemont's Bunnelby is now a Diggersby, who is playing with Pikachu and Chespin]''
:'''Ash''': Diggersby?
:'''Clemont''': Right! My Bunnelby finally evolved!
:'''Diggersby''': Diggersby! Diggersby! (What do you think? Like my new look?)

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Goh''': Now, the route from here to Lumiose City Gym…
:'''Bonnie''': I'm going to Lumiose City Gym, too!
:'''Goh''': Really?
:'''Bonnie''': It's my brother's gym.
:'''Goh''': Nice. Your brother?!
:'''Bonnie''': Yeah!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Somewhere in the Castle of Chivalry, Drasna and her Altaria are practicing with Wikstrom and Escavalier...]''
:'''Drasna''': Just the cutting edge I expect. Great, Wikstrom!
:'''Wikstrom''': I return the words of praise. I'll never lower my guard!

==Taking Two For The Team!==
:'''Wikstrom''': Madam Drasna has truly been looking forward to offering you her greetings.
:'''Drasna''': Nice to meet you. Now Altaria, please say hello, too.
:'''Altaria''': Altaria! [Hello!] ''[begins spinning around]'' Taria! Taria! Altaria! [Wee-hee-hee! It's a pleasure to meet you!]
:'''Drasna''': Simply beautiful! Altaria is my number one Pokémon partner. We both wish you and yours the very best!
:'''Ash''':  ''[nervously]'' Gee, thanks! Right backatcha! Let's have a great match! ''[extends his hand to Drasna]''
:'''Drasna''': ''[accepts the handshake]'' I've done quite a bit of research on your battle history. ''[starts to crush Ash's hand...and gets a bit sinister]'' However, your series of easy wins is over as of this day. 
:'''Pikachu''': Pi! Pi-Pika? [Yikes, she's that threatening?!]
:'''Drasna''': ''[reverts to her cheery self]'' And so I bid you a good day! ''[heads off to the stadium with her Altaria. We all know Ash's bad track record when battling Elite Four members up until this point.]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Drasna''': What did you think of them, Altaria?
:'''Altaria''': Altaria! [They don't scare us!]
:'''Drasna''': Today's battle looks to be most enjoyable.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Goh''': She looks like a nice person.
:'''Grookey''': Grookey-key! [My thoughts exactly!]
:'''Clemont''': Not a chance. She fools everyone with that smile of hers.
:'''Bonnie''': And you can trust what my brother says. He didn't stand a chance against her!
:'''Dedenne''': Denne! [That bad!]
:'''Clemont''': You could've stopped before the last part!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Dracovish tries to use Ice Fang but Altaria counters with Cotton Guard causing Dracovish to fly backwards. Altaria is 4x weak to Ice...what is going on here?]''
:'''Drasna''': Aren't those feathers wonderful? They're protection for Altaria from high damaging hits. ''[Ash growls in frustration]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Dracovish uses Water Gun to soak Mega Altaria and cancel Sky Attack]''
:'''Drasna''': ''[opens her eyes where it is revealed they are black just like her hair]'' Alright, now you've done it!
:'''Ash''': Alright! Wrap it up! Use Dragon Rush!
:'''Clemont''': ''[senses something wrong since Ash never fought a Mega Altaria before]'' Don't do that, Ash! NO!
:''[Dracovish does hit Mega Altaria but it causes Dracovish to fly backwards again. Pikachu exclaims in shock. You know what that means...]''
:'''Ash''': Didn't do a thing!
:'''Announcer''': Mega Altaria took no damage at all!
:'''Goh''': How is that possible?!
:'''Clemont''': When Altaria Mega evolves, it changes from a Dragon and Flying type... 
:'''Drasna''': ...and into a Dragon and '''Fairy''' type! Everything is going exactly as I planned in the first place!
:'''Ash''': Augh! Dragon-type attacks don't affect Fairy-type Pokémon.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Drasna's Noivern collapses from exhaustion]''
:'''Rotom Drone''': Noivern is unable to battle! Dracovish is the winner, which means the victory goes to Ash! ''[You did it, Ash! You finally defeated a member of the Elite Four!]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Announcer''': Ash has risen to 9th place in the Ultra Class! ''[Now, if Ash wants to reach the Masters 8, he has to defeat a member from the Masters 8 who is ranked 8th place. Be ready for your next challenge, Ash.]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Drasna''': Congratulations! Your Ultra Class ranking has risen to ninth. 
:'''Ash''': Thank you so much! ''[Both Ash and Drasna shake hands]''
:'''Drasna''': But it won't be quite so easy to climb higher in the rankings.
:'''Ash''': Yeah, but I'll do my best! ''[Pikachu also agrees with the statement]''
:'''Drasna''': Sirfetch'd  and Dracovish are simply charming. I'll know that I'll cheer for you!
:'''Wikstrom''': Now don't neglect your training!
:'''Ash''': Right, Wikstrom!
:''[Bonnie is seen staring right up at Drasna. Wonder what this could mean...]''
:'''Goh''': What's wrong, Bonnie?
:'''Bonnie''': I have made a decision! 
:''[She gets down on one knee and holds her hand out to Drasna on behalf of Clemont, continuing her running gag from their initial journeys through Kalos.]''
:Drasna, you're a keeper! Please take care of my brother!
:''[Everyone freaks out.]''
:'''Pikachu''': ''[who seemingly missed this]'' Pika-Pikachu!
:'''Bonnie''': I mean, Drasna? You're so strong and in control that I don't think there's anybody else for my brother, see?
:'''Drasna''': ''[blushing]'' Oh, my stars! Whatever shall I do?
:'''Bonnie''': ''[After getting grabbed by Clemont's arm]'' Wait, but why?
:'''Clemont''':  I told you to stop this a million times!

==Reuniting for the First Time!==
:''[Note: This episode is to apologize to fans for not introducing Lisia during the XY series as to represent the promotion of Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire. The writers made the mistake in the XY series of promoting Hoenn remakes by mostly recycling story elements from the Ruby and Sapphire anime, as well as having barely any callbacks.]''

:'''Lisia''': Hi everybody!
:'''Altaria''': Taria! [Greetings, viewers!]
:'''Lisia''': Well, watch me dive in! It's dazzling! Dizzying! ''[spins around]''
:'''Crowd''': Dizzying! ''[also spins around]''
:'''Lisia''': Lisia's Miraculous Contest is Scouting! ''[the crowd cheers]'' I'm going to bring in another fantastic trainer into the world of contesting! Let's see...''[starts her search and sees Chloe]'' You, watching with that baffled expression on your face!
:'''Chloe''': Me?
:'''Lisia''': Have you never joined in a contest?
:'''Chloe''': Uh...never.
:'''Lisia''': That's just what I want to hear. Then let's get this show on the road! Folks, this is the trainer I'm going to scout today! ''[Nice Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire reference]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Chloe''': Wow, it's Sylveon. ''[The Sylveon trainer turns around and reveals to be none other than....Serena!]''
:'''Serena''': You're the contestant Lisia scouted!
:'''Chloe''': How did you know?
:'''Serena''': I saw the live broadcast.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[As Ash and Goh head to the contest hall, a familiar voice calls out to them. It's Wallace, the ex-Hoenn Champion and current Sootopolis Gym Leader. Juan must have retired at some point...]''
:'''Wallace''': Well, if it isn't Ash? ''[Both Ash and Goh stop]'' I knew it! So, I wonder if you remember me.
:'''Ash''': Let's see...
:'''Wallace''': ''[baffled that Ash doesn't remember him]'' I refuse to greet one who sees the visage and gets no inspiration.
:'''Ash''': Right! ''[both Ash and Goh try to leave only for Wallace to grab Ash by the backpack]''
:'''Wallace''': Hold it right there! Recall that your friends May and Dawn participated in a certain Wallace Cup. ''[Fans sure miss May, but given that May's Japanese voice actress has throat problems meant she can't return unless it is a silent cameo...]''
:'''Ash''': I remember now! You're the Contest Master, Wallace!
:'''Wallace''': Oui. So you do remember after all. Good. Now as luck would have it, my niece, the top Idol, Lisia, is appearing in this very contest. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Both Ash and Goh try to leave again, but like last time, Wallace stops them]''
:'''Wallace''': There's no need to be in such a rush. As a matter of fact, I've noticed a certain Trainer named Ash in the World Coronation series. ''[You can guess what's happening...]''
:'''Ash''': You have? Well, thanks.
:'''Wallace''': I'm not in the series, but since we've met, I must assume that it's fate. What say we battle, eh? I'm a trainer who can keep up in battle with the Champion of the Hoenn Region. 
:'''Ash''': Oh! You mean Steven Stone! 
:'''Wallace''': ''[annoyed]'' Well, you had no trouble remembering his name. But I'll refuse to take any offense. ''[Guess Wallace's loss against Steven hit his sore spot]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Ash just defeated Wallace, mostly off camera...yay, Ash defeated a former Hoenn Champion and all the Hoenn Gym Leaders...]''
:'''Wallace''': Milotic, return. ''[recalls his defeated Milotic]'' To think that I, who am on par with Champion what's-his-name, could be defeated. I tip my cap. You were elegantly infuriating so and yet it was utterly glorious. Kudos to you, Ash! As I have come to expect from you.
:'''Ash''': Thank you. It was a great practice for me.
:'''Goh''': Right! Let's go!
:'''Wallace''': Wait, right there! Now, you are able to claim your Rain Badge. ''[whips it out from his fingers and places it on Ash's vest.]'' 
:'''Ash''': ''[baffled by this since he already earned the Rain Badge from defeating Juan]'' Oh...
:'''Goh''': I'm gone!
:'''Wallace''': One more thing! ''[he takes off his scarf and places it on Ash. The scarf is too long and is covering Pikachu]'' Please take this as a memento of your battle with me. 
:'''Ash''': Oh...

:''[Note: Many fans claim that Ash should continue doing Gym Challenges because it is tradition that Ash always does this quest minus Sun and Moon. Again, Ash is a Champion and is competing in the World Coronation series and Ash's Gym Challenge quest is overused and tiresome at this point. Plus, making Ash continue doing Gym challenges would feel like a permanent downgrade in his skills as a trainer.]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Serena''': ''[noticing Ash is heading on the boat back to Vermillion City]'' Huh, is that Ash?
:'''Ash''': Huh? Serena! 
:'''Serena''': It is you! 
:'''Ash''': How have you been? 
:'''Serena''': Me? I've been doing just fine! You're looking great, Pikachu!
:'''Pikachu''': Pikachu. [Thank you, Serena]
:'''Chloe''': You know each other?
:'''Ash''': She's a good friend from some of my journeys. ''[Just the boat horn honks signalling it is time to leave]''

==Radio Lulled the Mischievous Stars!==
==Big Brother to the Rescue!==
:'''Ash's Rotom Phone''': A battle has been scheduled. Your entrance battle will be against Raihan, who is ranked 8th of the Masters Eight. 
:'''Ash''': Raihan, huh?
:'''Goh''': What do you mean entrance battle?
:'''Ash's Rotom Phone''': If Ash wins, he will exchange ranks with his opponent and be officially confirmed as the 8th ranked member of the Masters Eight who are the strongest trainers in the World Coronation Series. ''[Be warned, Ash. Once all entrance battles are finished, the final Masters Eight members are decided. This means that other trainers will have to wait until the next season to try their luck in reaching the Masters Eight again.]''

==Catching the Aura of Fate!==
:''[Note: This episode is to apologize to fans for &quot;Facing the Needs of the Many!&quot; While the reunion is well received, some are still upset that Greninja has not yet rejoined Ash. When all the evil roots are gone for good and Ash's Greninja permanently rejoins Ash like Charizard did in the Black and White series, fans will fully forgive the writers for this serious offence.]''

:'''Ash''': ''[about Greninja]'' When I came to Kalos, Froakie was the first Pokémon I caught. On our journey, we got stronger and stronger. One time, we had a fight because I tried too hard to win a battle...but we made up. Eventually, we took part in the Kalos League and after that, Greninja wanted to protect Kalos, so it stayed behind. ''[Nice story, but why did the writers ignore the Ash-Greninja form? Also, Zygarde appears to be written out of this series due to irrelevance. Also, no mention of Team Flare?]''

==Aim for the Eight!==
:''[Ash, Pikachu and Lucario had just arrived at Hammerlocke Gym and Raihan walks behind the group]''
:'''Raihan''': I was wondering who that was and it happens to be today's challenger.
:'''Ash''': Hi Raihan.
:'''Raihan''': Why are you here so early?
:'''Ash''': You see, I was too excited to stay away any longer. How about you? ''[Well, at least Ash had arrived to his destination for his match]''
:'''Raihan''': The truth is, I'm already on my home turf. Of course, I'd be here early. I'd never think you'd really make this far...but this is where your journey ends because I'll win.
:'''Ash''': Well, I'm not going to lose. ''[Just then, there's some rustling in the bushes, where it's revealed that Leon was sleeping outside the Gym.]''
:'''Leon''': ''[yawns]'' Morning Ash, Raihan.
:'''Ash''': It's Leon!
:'''Raihan''': Just what are you doing sleeping there?!
:'''Leon''': Well, you know, I didn't want to be late for the battle between you two. Guess I got excited.
:'''Raihan''': Huh, you too?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[With Ash's win against Raihan...]''
:'''Raihan''': This was mine to lose.
:'''Ash''': Thanks, Raihan for an awesome battle.
:'''Raihan''': Wait! Gotta sec? ''[he whips out his Rotom phone]'' How about a smile? ''[takes a selfie with Ash]'' I'm gonna beat both you and Leon someday. In the meantime, don't you dare lose before it happens.
:'''Ash''': I won't!
:'''Raihan''': Nice! ''[rubs Ash's head playfully before leaving]'' 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The Masters Eight have been decided and are locked in place for the rest of the season...]''
:'''Announcer''': And so, the entrance battles for this season are complete! The contestants for the Masters Eight Tournament have now been decided! First the winner of this match, ranking at number eight is Ash! Ranking number seven, the Unova Champion, Iris! Ranking number six, the winner of the Kalos Lumiose Conference, Alain! Ranking fifth, the Champion of the Kalos Region, Diantha! Ranking fourth, the Champion of both Kanto and Johto, Lance! Ranking number three, the Hoenn Champion, Steven Stone! Ranked second, the Sinnoh region Champion Cynthia! And ranked number one, amassing an unbroken series of victories, the undefeated Galar Champion, Leon! These eight will be competing in the all-star battles of the Masters Eight Tournament which is scheduled to get underway very, very soon! ''[Note: Since Flint is not seen amongst the Masters Eight, it is revealed that Flint lost too many times off camera is now back in the Ultra Class. Ash must watch out because the other contestants, aside from Iris because Ash defeated her already, are powerful just like him....]''

==Narrowing the Chaser Chase!==
==The Homecoming Crown!==
:''[As promised by the writers, the Mohn story that was first established in the Sun and Moon series gets to finally be resolved]''
:'''Ash''': Are you alright, Lillie? ''[Pikachu is attacking the Shiny Nihilego]''
:'''Lillie''': It's Ash!
:'''Gladion''': ''[rushes into the scene after hearing the commotion]'' What's wrong?! You're here?!
:'''Ash''': Gladion?
:'''Gladion''': What's going on?
:'''Ash''': I was just following Pikachu, when I saw Nihilego about to attack Lillie.

==Helping the Hometown Hero!==

==Chasing to the Finish!==

==Friends, Rivals, Lend me Your Spirit!==
:''[Note: This episode is to apologize to fans for complete disregard of Ash's reserves between Generation V and now. The writers are now banned from giving the impression that Ash's reserves are borderline non-existent. When the writers finally let Ash use his reserves again and fix up the ones that did not get enough character development (fully evolve the ones that didn't in their debut as well as give them more wins), fans will fully forgive them for this offense.]''

:'''Ash's Rotom Phone''': You have a call from the professor!
:'''Ash''': Uh, hello?
:'''Professor Oak''': Greetings, young man!
:'''Ash''': Professor Oak!
:'''Professor Oak''': You should drop by once in a while. See your other Pokémon...''[See, writers, this is the reason why ignoring Ash's reserves at Oak's lab is not worth continuing especially when Professor Oak asked Ash to visit his reserves once in a while.]''
:'''Ash''': Oh yeah! There's lots of battling spirit there! 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Gengar bounces around, hitting trees like being in a pachinko machine until he gets zapped by lightning. As Gengar regains consciousness, he sees an Electivire.]''
:'''Gengar''': Gengar? [Huh, you're the one who zapped me?]
:'''Ash''': ''[arrives along with Goh, Grookey and Pikachu]'' Gengar! No way! Electivire?
:''[Just then, a shadowy figure appears from behind a tree and stands next to his Electivire. It's Paul, Ash's Sinnoh rival!]''
:'''Paul''': Is that your Gengar? 
:'''Ash''': Hey, it's Paul!
:'''Goh''': &quot;It's Paul&quot;? Who's that?! 
:'''Pikachu''': Pikachu! [Long time no see, Electivire!]
:'''Electivire''': Electivire. [Hello again, Pikachu.]
:''[Gengar gets back up but is stumbling. Luckily Ash catches him.]''
:'''Ash''': Gengar, are you alright? ''[gets burned]'' Augh! Hot! ''[Everyone minus Paul and Electivire are confused]''
:'''Goh''': How can that be? Gengar is usually that cold. ''[He touches one of Gengar's fingers.]'' Yep, it is cold.
:''[Gengar hugs Ash and sure enough Ash does feel the coldness of Gengar's body.]''
:'''Ash''': Well, what do you know? Cold.
:'''Paul''': You're useless. At the very least, you should know your Pokémon's condition.
:'''Ash''': Course I know that! 
:'''Goh''': Hey Ash? You know that guy?
:'''Ash''': Yeah. We go way back. When I travelled through Sinnoh, he was a rival I battled a bunch of times. He's a Trainer who's named Paul.
:'''Paul''': Mm. ''[in agreement]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': Hey, we ran into Paul.
:'''Professor Oak''': Well, well. I was hoping he'd surprise you two here. You see, Paul happened to stop by yesterday, out of the blue.
:'''Paul''': Professor Oak is a preeminent figure in Pokémon research. If someone wants to know about Pokémon, he's the best to ask. Nothing strange about that. 
:'''Charizard''': Roar! [Let's go Gengar, you've some work to do.]
:'''Gengar''': Gengar! [Right, let's go!]
:'''Ash''': Let's all train. ''[Charizard, Gengar and the rest of Ash's Fire-mons comply, minus Infernape?]''
:'''Pikachu''': Pikachu! [Let's go!]
:'''Ash''': Kay, buddy! ''[Not so fast, Ash]''
:'''Paul''': You should leave it to the Pokémon. That's what this place is for.
:'''Professor Oak''': I'll keep an eye on them! I think you and Paul have things to talk about.
:'''Ash''': Right!
:'''Paul''': Infernape, why don't you go and join them? 
:'''Infernape''': Infernape? Infernape! [Really? Heading off, Ash!]
:'''Ash''': Infernape, you take care of Gengar, okay?
:'''Infernape''': Infernape! [Right!] ''[runs off and carries Professor Oak over his shoulders!]''
:'''Professor Oak''': Whoa! Hey, stop!
:'''Goh''': So, Infernape does what Paul does it to do too?
:'''Ash''': Yeah, cause Paul was its trainer before I was. ''[Those of you who do not know about Infernape and how he played a part in Ash and Paul's vicious rivalry towards each other during Diamond and Pearl series, here's a brief recap]''
:'''Narrator''': Ash met Paul in the Sinnoh Region. Paul put his Chimchar through some extreme training, but when it didn't meet his expectations, he abandoned it. So, Ash welcomed Chimchar into his group. A deep friendship developed which led to Chimchar evolve all the way into Infernape. 
:'''Goh''': So that's what happened. 
:'''Ash''': Yeah and Infernape's gotten really strong.
:'''Grookey''': Grookey-key-key. [Whoa, look at Electivire's tails!] ''[Electivire's twin tails are swinging back and forth gently]''
:'''Goh''': ''[Grookey jumps off Goh's shoulders]'' Grookey, hang on!
:'''Pikachu''': Pika! [Hey, wait!]
:'''Electivire''': Vire. [What is it?]
:''[Both Pikachu and Grookey are cheering while looking at Electivire's tails. Grookey throws its stick into the air allowing Electivire to catch it with its twin tails]''
:'''Electivire''': Electivire. [Got it!] ''[Pikachu and Grookey applaud at Electivire's performance]''
:'''Paul''': Electivire, go keep them busy.
:'''Electivire''': Electivire. [Sure thing.]
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[We see Paul's Electivire play with Pikachu and Grookey by letting the two ride on its tails, Ash's Torterra is napping with Scraggy and Palpitoad and Gible are hanging out with Goh.]''
:'''Ash''': Hey Paul, didn't you want to enter the World Coronation Series?
:'''Paul''': I'm not interested in noisy crowds. ''[Maybe that's why Paul gave up on region league quests as well? Also, no mention of Paul facing off against Pyramid King Brandon?]''
:'''Ash''': So why don't we face off now? ''[Paul scoffs as if to say &quot;What are you suggesting?&quot;]'' Battle with me!
:'''Goh''': That's a great idea!
:'''Paul''': Three on three and no switching out. ''[Nice call back to Ash and Paul's first battle, but this time this battle is less hostile. Remember, Paul had to fix his attitude after his loss against Brandon, as well as be more respectful to Ash following Paul's loss in the Sinnoh League]''
:'''Ash''': Okay!
:'''Paul''': One thing. You're only allowed to use Pokémon you're taking to the Masters Eight Tournament.
:'''Ash''': Fine! I'll go get them!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Paul''': ''[recalls his defeated Gyarados]'' Not too shabby.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Paul''': Garchomp, standby for battle! ''[summons his Garchomp. Thanks for reminding fans on how you mishandled Ash's Gible, writers! You're telling the fans that characters like Cynthia and Paul can have a Garchomp yet Ash can't evolve his Gible into a Garchomp?!]''
:'''Ash''': So Garchomp is up next.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': ''[recalls his defeated Dragonite]'' Dragonite, you were so cool. Take a rest. Did you see that, Paul? I call that the Dragonite Meteor!
:'''Paul''': ''[recalls his Garchomp]'' Lousy name.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Paul''': ''[baffled that Ash and Gengar are struggling in their battle against Paul and his Metagross, similar to the issue Ash had throughout the Diamond and Pearl series]'' And you're one of the Masters Eight? If I'm giving you a tough time, there's no chance you'll win the tournament! Use Meteor Mash!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Goh''': Excuse me? About your three Pokémon? Aren't they the same as some of the Masters Eight? Lance has a Gyarados, Cynthia has a Garchomp and Steven Stone has a Metagross. Is that just a coincidence? 
:'''Paul''': ''[simply smiles]'' Professor, thanks for all your help. I'll say goodbye for now.
:'''Professor Oak''': You're always welcome to come back here.
:'''Paul''': Thanks. If you'll excuse me. Infernape, until next time.
:'''Infernape''': Infernape. [Catch you later.]
:'''Paul''': Shall we go, Electivire?
:'''Electivire''': Electivire. [Right behind you.]
:'''Ash''': Paul, let's battle again! ''[Paul waves goodbye, knowing full well that Ash is ready for the trials ahead]''
:'''Goh''': He's acting too cool.
:'''Professor Oak''': Paul said he's been officially invited to become a Gym Leader of his own Pokémon Gym.
:'''Ash''': A Gym Leader?
:'''Professor Oak''': That's why he want to learn more and more about Pokémon.

==Curtain up! Fight the Fights!==
:''[As Ash and Goh reach the entrance of Wyndon Stadium, someone calls out to them. This is Hop. Where were you during the Darkest Day arc?]''
:'''Hop''': There you are! ''[runs and blocks their way]'' You're Ash from the Kanto region, aren't you?
:'''Ash''': Huh? Yeah, that's me...
:'''Hop''': Okay, then I'm challenging you to a battle! Right here and now! ''[Really, Hop?! You are begging for trouble!]''
:'''Wooloo''': Woo-loo! [Get ready!]
:'''Hop''': It's battle time! ''[Wooloo agrees with Hop]''
:'''Goh''': I wonder if he knows you're a member of the Masters Eight.
:'''Hop''': I heard that! Of course I know. That's why I'm here! I'm gonna test just how strong you are. 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Hop''': Now Wooloo, Double Kick! ''[Wooloo charges forward]''
:'''Ash''': Iron Tail! ''[Pikachu uses Iron Tail to knock out Wooloo...in one hit!]''
:'''Hop''': ''[horrified]'' Wooloo!
:'''Goh''': So, that's it?
:'''Hop''': A one hit win. Naturally. Now I totally see why my brother likes you.
:'''Ash''': Your brother, huh?
:'''Hop''': Yeah. See, my name is Hop. Leon's my bro.
:'''Ash''': That Leon?
:'''Goh''': Your brother?
:'''Ash''': That means Leon talked to you about me! Whoa, that makes me so psyched!
:'''Hop''': But I've gotta tell you...''[Ash gets confused]''...I'll be the one to end Lee's winning streak! So he's not gonna lose one match before that day! ''[That's what you think, Hop! Many fans think that Hop should have been Ash's main rival just like in the games. However, this loss was to remind fans that Hop's rivalry with Ash would not look very convincing in the anime, since Ash is a Champion and Hop is a rookie.]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Both Ash and Pikachu head to the dressing room where the other Masters Eight members. Just then, Iris runs along with Ash]''
:'''Iris''': Hey, you're cutting it close! 
:'''Ash''': Oh hey, Iris! So we're both in the Masters Eight, huh?
:'''Iris''': Right! I've been looking forward to seeing you!
:'''Ash''': Same for me! Since we've come so far...
:'''Both''': I've gotta win! ''[The other members of the Masters Eight as well as the stadium crew stare at the two. Yeah, save the energy for the tournament, you two.]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Announcer''': We'll start with the 8th ranked trainer. He shown us the Champion of the first Alola League tournament. Hailing from Pallet Town in the Kanto region, Ash Ketchum! ''[Finally the anime acknowledges Ash as the Alola Champion in the Pokémon world.]''
:'''Ash''': Alright! Lookout! ''[Pikachu cheers and accepts the cheers from the crowd as well]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Leon''': Take your best shot! My Pokémon will defeat everyone standing in their way.
:'''Announcer''': And now, we're going to reveal the matchups for the first round! ''[The screen display two square panels for the members. It spins like the ones on a slot machine.]'' For the first match, it's Leon vs Alain! ''[So much for Ash having the chance to refight Alain as to make up for the mess in the Kalos League...]'' 
:'''Ash''': Alain and Leon, huh?
:''[The screen spins again revealing the next matchup]''
:'''Announcer''': And for the second match, it's Lance vs Diantha! ''[Odd choice of pairing since the two never interacted before and Lance did not appear in the XY series. The screen spins revealing the third pair]''
:'''Announcer''': In the third match, it's Cynthia vs Iris. ''[That makes sense since Iris did receive mentorship from Cynthia in the Black and White series]''
:'''Iris''': Me and Cynthia?
:'''Cynthia''': Go easy on me. ''[The screen spins again revealing the final pair]''
:'''Announcer''': For the fourth match, it's Steven Stone vs Ash Ketchum. ''[This is to make up for the lack of interaction between the two throughout the Ruby and Sapphire and the XY series]''
:'''Ash''': So, I'm battling Steven Stone.
:'''Pikachu''': Pi-ka. [He is very tough.]
:'''Steven Stone''': So, we finally get to battle each other.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Cynthia''': ''[noticing that Ash is not backstage]'' Is Ash coming?
:'''Iris''': Uh...no. Ash said he was watching the matches with Goh. He wants to experience all the stadium excitement firsthand.
:'''Diantha''': That does sound like him. 
:'''Cynthia''': And you didn't wanna watch from the stands with him?
:'''Iris''': Oh, actually...I wanted to ask a favor of both of you. Can we take a selfie? You don't mind, do you? ''[takes out her Rotom Phone]'' 
:'''Cynthia''': I'd be delighted.
:'''Diantha''': Of course, dear. 
:'''Lance''': So Steven, I hear that you know Alain fairly well.
:'''Steven Stone''': We met while searching for rare stones. You know, I hope it doesn't overwhelm him to suddenly be matched against Leon.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Leon's Rillaboom Gigantamaxes! Grookey, being excited, bangs his stick on Goh's head. Now do you understand why Ash can't have a member of the Rillaboom line of his own, fans?!]''
:'''Goh''': Grookey! I'm not a drum, understand?! Stop it!
:'''Hop''': Alright! Let's all rock out to Lee's rhythm!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Alain's Chesnaught gets defeated by Rillaboom's Acrobatics. Acrobatics is a Flying-type move and Chesnaught is 4x weak to Flying as it is a Grass and Fighting type.]''
:'''Steven Stone''': So Leon has the advantage?
:'''Lance''': Yes. Who knew Rillaboom would use Acrobatics? 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Alain summons his Charizard who now has a new Charizardite X Mega Stone]''
:'''Ash''': That's so awesome! We had battle after battle with his Charizard. ''[Yet you did not defeat it because you overused your Kalos team and did not practice your now former Ash-Greninja form enough which cost you the Kalos League. The Mega Evolution specials confirmed that Alain had more practice with his Mega Charizard X]''
:'''Hop''': You have?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Alain summons his Charizard again into battle after his Malamar lost. They sure love the Charizard mirror match, don't they?]''
:'''Alain''': Go Charizard!
:'''Leon''': I'll continue battling with my Charizard. 
:'''Alain''': It's been my dream to battle you two and defeat you! ''[Yeah, not happening...]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Dan''': Alain's Charizard is unable to battle. It's a win for Leon's Charizard, which means the victory goes to Leon! ''[Alain lost the match easily like Trevor did in the XY series. It should be noted that Alain is a League Conference winner and not a region Champion, unlike the other members of the Masters Eight.]''

==Pride of a Champion!==
:'''Ash''': So it is Diantha against Lance. Which shall I cheer for?
:'''Goh''': Ash, does that mean you know both of them?
:'''Ash''': Uh-huh. I even battled Diantha too. ''[That's true, although neither battles Ash had with Diantha were finished. But Ash did let Diantha know he had potential during their battles.]''
:'''Hop''': You're amazing. You're also one of Lee's favorite trainers. That's so cool there's something about you that the Champions find interesting. ''[Hmmm...seems that Ash is also the other Champion's favorite trainers]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Lance''': The time has come! Trainers of the Kanto region! ''[We see Ritchie from the original series make a cameo watching the show. Wonder what he's been up to all this time?]'' Trainers of the Johto region! ''[We see Jackson/Vincent, Marina and Jimmy also watching the game as well.]'' All of you just watch me battle. And you, Diantha, as a Dragon Master, I ask of you to bring only your best to battle my Dragon brigade.
:'''Diantha''': And of course, you're right. The thing that connects us all is our Pokémon and battling itself, I too have a request to all the trainers of the Kalos region. ''[Shauna, Tierno, Trevor and Sawyer are also watching.]'' As I stand here, your dreams and ambitions are with me and so, Lance, I very much am looking forward to seeing how you and your Pokémon shine like the stars!
:'''Lance''': So, shall we begin?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Diantha uses a Light Screen and Reflect combo]''
:'''Iris''': Wow, it's like an aurora!
:'''Steven Stone''': Who knew Light Screen and Reflect, two defensive moves could be combined like that?
:'''Alain''': However, the effect of each move will still vanish over time. It's not permanent. 
:'''Cynthia''': I think Diantha is using it as to pressure Lance. I'd say Diantha is clearly the one in control of this battle. ''[Oh yeah. There's a reason the writers are not letting Lance refight Leon in this match.]''
:'''Leon''': It's still anyone's guess. If he wavered here, she would have beat Lance.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''James''': A Gourgeist, eh?
:'''Meowth''': Jessie caught one in Kalos back in the day.
:'''Jessie''': ''[yawn and uninterested]'' So her second is Gourgeist? ''[Wait a second...]'' A Gourgeist?! That woman calls herself a movie star gets it! Listen up, Gourgeist is being fought!
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobba, Wobba! [That's what we told you!]
:'''James and Meowth''': Yeah, that makes sense...
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Diantha''': Now comes checkmate! Moonblast! ''[Mega Gardevoir complies knocking Lance's Dragonite out.]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': Lance!
:'''Lance''': Ash, hi there. Looks like my challenge has come to an end. Now, do your best. ''[Lance leaves heading back home. That's the best interaction between Ash and Lance you can come up with, writers?!]''

==The Fiery Road to Mastership!==
:'''Ash''': You know, Iris raised that Excadrill from way back when it was still a Drilbur. Man, time can sure fly.
:'''Pikachu''': Pika-pika! [You know it!]
:'''Hop''': Huh?! You know her too?!
:'''Goh''': Ash knows Iris because they traveled through Unova together. He also knows Cynthia really well.
:'''Hop''': What's with you knowing everybody, Ash?! ''[Maybe you should travel around the world and learn more about the Champions just like Ash did]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Diantha''': If Iris is a Dragon-type trainer, then why...
:'''Alain''': ''[as if reading Diantha's mind]'' ...did she bring out Excadrill? ''[Diantha nods in agreement]''
:'''Steven Stone''': I've heard a rumour that she actually trained with Cynthia at one point.
:'''Alain''': Which means they each know the cards the other is holding.
:'''Leon''': It could very well be changing of the guard. This should be interesting.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Cynthia''': Your moves are even sharper than before.
:'''Iris''': That's because of everything you've shown me, Cynthia. ''[cue flashback of Cynthia's training with Iris]'' I simply did what you taught me to do. ''[Drayden is watching the event]'' And now to become part of our strength, lots of connections that made us Champions. ''[Alder, Georgia, Stephan, Bianca and Trip are also watching. You know Trip is the worst main rival of Ash when all he has is a cameo appearance, compared to Gary and Paul who have at least one episode focus in Journeys.]'' And so, I, as the Unova region Champion, on this day, I'll defeat you. ''[We are not having another Ash vs Iris match in the Masters Eight!]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Cynthia''': Standing here, you and I are nothing more than individual Pokémon Trainers, as well as challengers aiming for the top. ''[Volkner and Flint are watching the match outside the Sunyshore Gym with their Electivire and Infernape respectively.]'' We will not pull any punches as I want to test my own limits, you see. ''[Paul is shown to have returned home, after prepping Ash for the Masters Eight tournament, to watch the game with Reggie, who just delivered tea for the two to drink.]'' So I will defeat you and move on! Gastrodon, ACID ARMOR!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''James''': Frilly girl is not bad. She's not that bad at all.
:'''Meowth''': The only reason she got here is because we trained her up.
:'''Jessie''': A bouquet of thinking roses would be kind of nice.
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobbuffet! [I couldn't agree more!]
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Iris''': Now, Haxorus, let's do this!
:'''Haxorus''': HAAAA! [Make your move!]
:'''Cynthia''': ''[noticing Iris is getting better in battles]'' I see. If so...''[whips out her...lipstick? She applies it on the bottom part of her lips]'' I'll use all of my strength and I'll defeat you! ''[One turn of her lipstick reveals her...Keystone?! Uh-oh...]'' 
:'''Iris''': ''[horrified]'' Isn't that...
:'''Ash''': A Keystone?! 
:'''Cynthia''': ''[activates the Keystone and applies her lipstick on the upper lips]'' Garchomp, time for MEGA EVOLUTION!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[the other Masters Eight noticing Cynthia's Mega Garchomp]''
:'''Steven Stone''': That's interesting. She must be serious.
:'''Alain''': True, but Haxorus still has a lot of power right now. This bout is anything but decided.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Iris checks on her defeated Haxorus. Iris, always have at least one battle mechanic to better your odds of winning.]''
:'''Iris''': Haxorus, you really went all out. You're the very best and Dragonite too, and Excadrill too. I love you all.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Ash heads off to the Wyndon Stadium arena, ready to face Steven Stone and to make up for not winning the Hoenn League. As he does, he runs into Iris.]''
:'''Ash''': Iris, I'm sorry.
:'''Iris''': Ash...''[starting to tear up]'' Looks like I lost.
:'''Ash''': I know.
:'''Iris''': Cynthia is really amazing, isn't she? ''[continues crying]'' Incredible...She's amazing! ''[Continues crying...Goh then shows up checking on her as well. Seconds later, Iris cleans up her tears.]'' All better now. Thanks. I know, for Ash's next match, how about we cheer for him together?

==Battling as Hard as Stone!==
:'''Meowth''': Now it's twerp time! Rock and roll!
:'''James''': Battling someone with panache and power.
:'''Jessie''': ''[uninterested]'' I'm not so sure the twerp even has half the chance.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': Okay, Steven! I'm the one advancing to the semi-finals!
:'''Pikachu''': Pikachu! 
:'''Steven Stone''': You don't say, huh? Then I expect great things! I look forward to seeing what kind of battle you'll bring.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Leon''': Show me what you've got, rookie. 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Dracovish uses Fishious Rend to counter Metagross' Agility]''
:'''Ash''': Oh yeah! ''[Just then, Dracovish gets pushed back by Metagross]''
:'''Announcer''': And Fishious Rend holds off the Psychic attack.
:'''Steven Stone''': He predicted that.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': ''[in his mind]'' Paul, my battle with you is already paying off. ''[flashes back to Ash's Gengar's battle with Paul's Metagross]'' Closing in with Agility then using Psychic. I had a feeling you knew how Steven would battle, then you helped me train for it. ''[At home, Paul smiles at Ash's performance, as if to say, &quot;He knows what he's doing.&quot;]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Steven Stone''': Let me tell you. The thing is I am considered the most powerful trainer in the Hoenn region but that's not nearly enough for me. The Pokémon World Coronation Series: it is only when I dominate this event that I can say I am truly the strongest and the best! ''[We see multiple cameos from the Generation III anime: Professor Birch, Drew, Harley, Katie, Morrison, Tyson (keep in mind that Tyson won the Hoenn League but failed to become Hoenn Champion as Steven is Hoenn Champion), Janet, Vito, Kain, Jimmy, and Kelly]''
:'''Diantha''': I've never seen Steven this fired up before. ''[Alain nods in agreement]''
:'''Ash''': And the same for us! 
:'''Pikachu''': Pika!
:'''Ash''': For all the people who cheered me on up until now. ''[We see Chloe, Professor Cerise, Ren, Chrysa, and Mimey watch the show]'' For all of my Pokémon, I will win this for sure! ''[We see Delia, Professor Oak, Tracey, and Ash's reserves.]''  
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Jessie''': Told you the twerp's completely outclassed.
:'''Meowth''': Have you lost it?
:'''James''': Are you mad?
:'''Jessie''': ''[enraged]'' I'M TOTALLY NOT MAD!
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobba wobba wob! [Take it easy!]
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Meowth''': It's Pikachu time!
:'''James''': I smell turnaround!
:'''Jessie''': Pikachu, don't even think about losing! Do you hear me?!
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobba Wobba! [Come on and win this, Pikachu!]
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Steven's Cradily loses to Pikachu]''
:'''Steven Stone''': That was just terrific! Each one of your moves leaves me totally surprised, Ash!
:'''Ash''': It's all because Gengar set it up for Pikachu.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Ash had defeated the Hoenn Champion, Steven Stone, and is now in the semi-finals ready to face Cynthia for the first time. You wanted to fight Cynthia, you got it, Ash!]''
:'''Cynthia''': Ready, Ash? Our match is near...
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': Hey, Steven!
:'''Steven Stone''': You know, Ash. The feelings you have for your Pokémon and the way they respond to you, they gave their all in battle for that. They came together as one and, as a result, created an even greater power. And that's the reason you were able to grasp your victory today. And a spectacular win it was.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Outside Wyndon Stadium, Iris, Steven and Alain are heading back to their home regions...]''
:'''Steven Stone''': Your next opponent is Cynthia. Still, with Pikachu and your other Pokémon, you can win. I believe in you, Ash.
:'''Alain''': I'm certain you can do it. ''[That's the best interaction between Ash and Alain you can do in Journeys, writers?!]''
:'''Iris''': Can't wait for you to tell me all about it!
:'''Ash''': And that's what I am gonna do! ''[Pikachu exclaims in agreement]''

==Infinite Possibilities!==
:''[One day, at the Eevee Evolution Lab, some evolved forms of Eevee are chilling out as a Leafeon pops out a bush]''
:'''Leafeon''': Leaf.
:''[A Flareon chases after it]''
:'''Flareon''': Flare, flare.
:'''Narrator''': This is the Eevee Evolution Lab, where today, Eevee is having a health check up.
:''[Inside the lab, Chloe and her Eevee are with Pinery who is checking Eevee's health]''
:'''Pinery''': ''[Turns round to Chloe]'' Perfect health. Eevee's doing just fine.
:'''Chloe''': That's wonderful.
:'''Chloe's Eevee''': Eevee.
:'''Chloe''': So, how have you and Eevee been spending your time lately?
:'''Chloe''': It's been great, we took a trip to see Sylveon. ''[A flashback occurs]'' And we even performed in a Pokémon Contest Spectacular. Eevee even used Fairy Wind.
:'''Pinery''': You really used Fairy Wind? ''[The camera cuts to Eevee scratching herself]'' I wish I'd seen you two in action.
:'''Chloe's Eevee''': Eevee. Eevee vee vee.
:'''Chloe''': After that, we met the Eevee of a friend who lives in Alola. She's Lana.
:''[A flashback occurs to when Chloe met Lana]''
:'''Lana''': There's one more. The Eevee path.
:'''Chloe''': Hm?
:'''Lana''': Eevee can always just stay Eevee, like Ash's Pikachu.
:'''Chloe''': Ash's Pikachu. You're right. So then there are nine paths available for Eevee. Of course. ''[The flashback ends]'' Lana taught me something back then, about all of Eevee's possibilities.
:'''Pinery''': That's true. She's so right. You and Eevee will decide, if it's Eevee... ''[The evolutions of Eevee appear in a fantasy]'' ...or Vaporeon, Jolteon, Flareon, Espeon, Umbreon, Leafeon, Glaceon, Sylveon. Those are all the evolutions you can choose from.
:'''Chloe''': Right.
:'''Pinery''': Tell me, is Eevee interested in them?
:'''Chloe''': Completely. The thing is, it can't choose. I don't know what to do. Eevee loves every evolved form.
:'''Pinery''': Really?
:'''Chloe's Eevee''': Eevee vee. [Pinery is right, Chloe.]

==It's... Champion Time!==
:''[Dragonite glomps Ash sending the two sliding to where Cynthia is with her Garchomp]''
:'''Cynthia''': Ash, is that you? Dragonite?
:'''Ash''': Hey, Cynthia!
:'''Goh''': Sorry, we interrupted you!
:'''Cynthia''': Don't be. We're just fine. I'd say that enthusiasm means you're making final preparations before our match.
:'''Ash''': Yeah, I am! Does that mean you are too?
:'''Cynthia''': I am. ''[to Garchomp]'' Now, try flying.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Vic''': A partner...my choice? I decided Grookey will be my first Pokémon!
:'''Goh''': You'd pick Grookey? Good choice!
:'''Grookey''': Grookey-key! [Glad to hear!]
:'''Vic''': Then I'd evolve it up to Rillaboom like Leon did, and get it to Gigantamax!
:'''Goh''': Well first, you have to evolve it into a Thwackey.
:'''Vic''': Right! Then we'll use a move that is just as cool as 10 million Volt Thunderbolt!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Vic''': Cynthia, what was your first Pokémon?
:'''Ash''': You know, I don't even think I know that.
:'''Cynthia''': ''[addressing her Garchomp]'' This one here. We've been on many adventures since it was a Gible.
:'''Ash''': Yeah.
:'''Goh''': I thought you could only use Piplup, Chimchar, or Turtwig?
:'''Cynthia''': Right. This one came from an egg.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Cynthia''': With Pokémon Eggs, you never know what will come from them, right? ''[The flashback reveals Cynthia as a little girl with her egg that later became her ace]'' And anticipating what kind of Pokémon will emerge...it's so exciting! I did everything I could to keep it warm. And when the time came, this is who hatched! ''[Her Gible]'' I was beyond overjoyed!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Ash''': Actually, my Lucario came from an egg too! 
:'''Goh''': And a very strange egg it was...
:'''Cynthia''': Strange?
:'''Vic''': What do you mean?
:'''Goh''': It wouldn't hatch. No matter who cared for it. It went to lots of regions and still couldn't figure it out. But then the egg called out to Ash.
:'''Vic''': Whoa!
:'''Ash''': True and then I felt some kind of aura coming from it.
:'''Vic''': They call Lucario, the Aura Pokémon, don't they? You're so awesome!
:'''Cynthia''': Ash, maybe it was waiting for you. 
:'''Ash''': You think so?
:'''Cynthia''': Actually, I've heard rumors. They were talking about that strange egg. So that was you!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Goh''': Ash, over there! Look!
:'''Ash''': Whoa! ''[The scoreboard reveals that Leon only lost Dragapult with Rillaboom being active, while Diantha has Goodra active and lost Gourgeist, Aurorus, Tyrantrum, and Hawlucha. The writers just pulled a &quot;Lost at the League!&quot; on us, didn't they?!]''
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Hop''': ''[seeing that Leon is now in the finals]'' Yeah! All right! Leon's the best!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Vic''': Ash, I wanna have totally cool battles just like Leon!
:'''Cynthia''': You should have lots of adventures first where you catch Pokémon and battle with them.

==Bewitch, Battle, and Bewilder!==
:''[As Cynthia is heading towards the stadium, she runs into Diantha.]''
:'''Diantha''': I'll cheer for you.
:'''Cynthia''': Thanks, Diantha. I promise that I won't let you down.
:'''Diantha''': If anyone breaks Leon's unbeaten streak, it's got to be you. 
:'''Cynthia''': But no pressure, right? I've decided something.
:'''Diantha''': What's that?
:'''Cynthia''': Once this tournament is over, I'm going to retire from battling. ''[This hints that a lot of challengers who fought Cynthia stood no chance against her. Little did Cynthia realize, someone might stand a chance and overpower her...]''
:'''Diantha''': Huh? You're retiring? 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Cynthia summons her Spiritomb]''
:'''Diantha''': That Cynthia, using a Pokémon no one predicted. She now controls the field. 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Cynthia's Spiritomb drains Dragonite of her strength using Dream Eater multiple times]''
:'''Jessie''': You know, that's absolutely vicious!
:'''James''': Didn't I tell you they're strong?
:'''Meowth''': Dragonite's power is slowly drained away.
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobbuffet. [So horrifying.]
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': Dragonite return! ''[recalls Dragonite after recklessly leaving it out in the battlefield open for attacks]'' Sorry. I promise no one else is going to lose that way. 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Cynthia noticing Ash using his Pikachu against her Togekiss.]''
:'''Cynthia''': ''[in her mind]'' I'd say he's trying to change the pace with his number one partner. 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Cynthia summons her Gastrodon into battle]''
:'''Hop''': This isn't good. Electric type attacks won't work on Gastrodon!
:'''Goh''': Cynthia really has Ash figured out. She wants to keep Pikachu from switching out by taking it down right now. 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Diantha''': When it comes to Ash, good or bad matchups make no difference. His attack rhythm is excellent, too. ''[Diantha is really becoming a fan of Ash...]''
:'''Leon''': My kind of match. I love this!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Cynthia''': ''[in her mind]'' Ash has the skill to turn a tight spot into an opportunity. It's wonderful how Pikachu responds to it.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Pikachu is spinning around using Thunderbolt. The technique we all love in Diamond and Pearl, the Counter-Shield, is back!]''
:'''Goh''': Hey, what's going on? 
:'''Hop''': Pikachu's breakdancing! ''[Not exactly]''
:'''Cynthia''': It's a little early for a victory dance. Use Hypnosis! ''[Should have watched Ash's battle against Fantina, Cynthia. Spiritomb complies using Hypnosis at Pikachu, only for it to get countered]''
:'''Announcer''': Spiritomb's Hypnosis move has somehow gotten caught in the Thunderbolt attack and it can't reach Pikachu.
:'''Cynthia''': But how? ''[You forgot about that tactic that Ash and Paul used in the Sinnoh League?!]''
:'''Ash''': Let's finish this! ''[Pikachu's Thunderbolt injures Spiritomb]''
:'''Leon''': It's true! Offense is the best Defense!
:'''Ash''': Cynthia! While we were in Sinnoh, we came up with the Counter Shield technique.
:'''Cynthia''': I remember that one! You demonstrated back in the Sinnoh League! ''[Oh, never mind then]''

==Valor: A Strategic Part of Battling!==
:'''Hop''': A one Pokémon advantage is big and Cynthia's way too tough. 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[The Team Rocket gang race to the front row to check on Ash's progress]''
:'''Jessie''': Hey twerp, what's up? Where did that first round fighting spirit run off to?
:'''Meowth''': You're leaving us in the loser's lurch!
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobbuffet. [Get yourself together.]
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Diantha''': Neither have them used Dynamax or Mega Evolution. 
:'''Leon''': They're not ready yet. It's exactly when to use them that will be the key to victory here.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Ash summons his Dracovish while Cynthia summons her Garchomp]''
:'''Ash''': Garchomp...is it time for Mega Evolution? ''[Cynthia doesn't respond. What hidden tricks does she have?]'' We'll hit it head on! Use Ice Fang!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Cynthia puts her Roserade back into the area and it's all fine?!]''
:'''Ash''': Roserade's not burned now?
:'''Hop''': That's so weird. It was just hit by Gengar's Will-o-wisp. ''[Unless...]''
:'''Goh''': Hold on a second. That must mean Cynthia's Roserade...
:'''Cynthia''': Roserade's ability is Natural Cure. By returning to its Poké-ball, it can heal from things like burns or poison.
:'''Ash''': So that's why you switched it out. Okay, what's my next move?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Cynthia''': ''[in her mind]'' Since you understand how your Pokémon feel, you would do that. But it's exactly what will give me the chance to win! ''[Don't be so sure, Cynthia, until the end of the round...She then exclaims out loud]'' Spirit of water, Milotic, go! ''[Summons her Milotic in battle. Oh dear, Cythina, if only you knew how many Milotic Ash loved to beat up]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Sirfetch'd uses Brutal Swing by throwing his shield like a boomerang, cancelling out Stealth Rock]''
:'''Cynthia''': How can they do that?!
:'''Announcer''': With its extremely high spin rate, Sirfetch'd shield is destroying one Stealth Rock shard after another.
:'''Hop''': Is that even possible?
:'''Goh''': Hey, it's Ash! Stuff like this is where he's at his best!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Diantha''': I thought Garchomp might Mega Evolve, but...
:'''Leon''': She has something else in mind. ''[This makes sense because, besides Iris, Cynthia hung out with Ash more compared to the other members of the Masters Eight, meaning she knows more about how Ash battles.]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Cynthia''': Togekiss, return now! ''[recalls her Togekiss]''
:'''Ash''': Wait, what?
:'''Announcer''': Oh! Another switch out! ''[Nope. The camera reveals that Cynthia has a...]''
:'''Lucario''': Raw? [Is that...]
:'''Ash''': A Dynamax band?!
:'''Pikachu''': Pika! [It is!]
:'''Announcer''': Hey, that's no switch out! 
:'''Cynthia''': Togekiss, soar with white wings! Now Dynamax, let's go! ''[Seconds later, Togekiss enlarges and pops out of the Dynamax Poké-ball. Cynthia knew that Ash would try and fight Mega Garchomp, hence why she threw him off guard.]''
:'''Togekiss''': Togekiss. [You're in trouble now.]

==Whittle While you Work!==
:'''Hop''': I thought Cynthia was going to Mega-Evolve her Garchomp this time.
:'''Goh''': Ash, what's your next step going to be?
:'''Cinderace''': Cinderace! [Don't lose to Togekiss!]
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Noticing that Ash has Mega-Lucario ready for the match]
:'''Diantha''': Now, we'll witness the power of the bond between Ash and Lucario. 
:'''Leon''': Mega-Evolution vs Dynamax. That's what the Masters Eight Tournament is about!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Togekiss reverts back to normal but is still active]''
:'''Diantha''': It seems quite possible that Ash is evolving during this battle as well. 
:'''Leon''': I agree. He's putting on quite a display of Aura power. But facing the Sinnoh Champion, she's not one you beat with power alone. ''[looking at you, Paul, Flint, Aaron, Lucian and others who tried that stunt and failed...]''
:'''Diantha''': Of course, Cynthia...''[recalls Cynthia mentioning about retiring after the Masters Eight tournament to Diantha]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Cynthia''': Hey Garchomp. ''[Garchomp turns her attention to Cynthia]'' Looking at Ash brings back memories of all the wonderful times that you and I had together.
:'''Garchomp''': Garchomp. [I remember.] 
:''[The flashback shows Cynthia and her then baby Gible having fond memories: running through a field, catching a Feebas that later became her Milotic, seeking shelter in a cave in the middle of a rainstorm, Gible becoming Gabite, Cynthia looking at the Dialga and Palkia legends at Amity Square first seen in &quot;Top Down Training!&quot; in the Diamond and Pearl series, Gabite becoming a Garchomp and helping Cynthia win the Sinnoh League and be crowned Champion]''
:'''Cynthia''': When everything we saw was brand new. How we were filled with excitement at the great big world and its legends! As challengers, we tested ourselves in all kinds of situations. That was then...
:'''Garchomp''': Garchomp. [That's true.]
:'''Cynthia''':...but now, we will be the ones to take on Leon! Alright, use Scale Shot!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Ash's Mega-Lucario gets back up but Cynthia's Garchomp is unconcious from the Reversal hit. You know what that means...]''
:'''Dan''': Garchomp is unable to battle! So the victory goes to Ash Ketchum! ''[Yes! You took down the Sinnoh Champion! Now the fans have finally forgiven the writers for Ash's Sinnoh League loss. Wonder how Paul would react to Ash's win against Cynthia?]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Jessie''': Finally, he pulls off an upset that I'm happy about!
:'''James''': Defeating both the Hoenn and Sinnoh Champions means one thing. 
:'''Jessie, James and Meowth''': It's not luck! 
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobbu! [No it isn't!]
:''[Just then, the Rocket gang realized something...]''
:'''Meowth''': We did have a reason for being here, right?
:'''Jessie''': To provide commentary for fun and profit and...
:'''James''': Steal some super strong Pokémon! 
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobbuffet. [Oh yeah, we forgot about that.]
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Cynthia''': Ash.
:'''Ash''': Hm. ''[Cynthia extends her hand towards him for a handshake, which he accepts.]'' Thanks, Cynthia.
:'''Cynthia''': I'm the one who should be thanking you. ''[Ash is confused]'' Watching you and your Pokémon interacting in so many ways. It made me realize just how many things there are still left for me to learn. Thank you, Ash. Truly.
:'''Grookey''': ''[off camera]'' Grookey! [Heck yeah!]
:'''Cynthia''': Let's battle again someday.
:'''Ash''': Sure!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Cynthia leaves the stadium and runs into Diantha again.]''
:'''Diantha''': That was a good battle. 
:'''Cynthia''': Even though I lost...''[giggles a bit]''...I'm taking back my decision to retire.
:'''Diantha''': ''[relieved]'' I thought you'd do that. ''[Did any fans really thought the Sinnoh Champion was going to retire that easy after her loss? Good thing Ash was not aware of Cynthia's retirement plan.]'' 
:'''Cynthia''': Something so exciting and fun. I just can't quit. In battle and in research, there's still a lot left to master.
:'''Diantha''': That's how it should be!

==Just a Scone's Throw From Here!==
:''[Leon summons Eternatus while showing it off to Ash and Goh, much to their shock]''
:'''Sonia''': Surprised?
:'''Goh''': Yeah...''[remembers Eternatus in the Darkest Day arc]'' I mean it was so over the top destructive. That was the reason I had Professor Magnolia take it. 
:'''Sonia''': We decided for the time being, we'd keep it in a place deep underground below the lab. Things is, staying asleep all the time isn't much of a life. 
:'''Professor Magnolia''': Right. Eternatus has a deep connection to Galar particles. The energy that flows through the region, this is how Pokémon cannot be separated from the Galarian way of life. We must all learn to co-exist with Eternatus. 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Goh receives a notification on his phone, much to his shock.]''
:'''Ash''': Goh, what's up?
:'''Goh''': Sorry, Ash. Looks like I won't be able to see your battle tomorrow. That was an emergency communication from Project Mew. I've got to pack up and leave ASAP.
:'''Ash''': Okay. You better go find Mew right away.
:'''Goh''': I will and you better win that match!
:'''Ash''': Got it! ''[If Goh cannot watch Ash's match in person due to Project Mew, then who is going to root for Ash in Goh's place?]''

==A Flood of Torrential Gains!==
:'''Gary''': Hey Goh, it's too bad.
:'''Goh''': Oh?
:'''Gary''': Ash's final Masters Eight tournament match is today, isn't it?
:'''Goh''': It sure is. Even so, I trust that he's going to win. See, we promised each other. Next time we meet, we'll both be smiling. 
:'''Gary''': Yeah, you're right. ''[Okay, so Gary and Goh cannot see Ash's battle against Leon due to Project Mew commitments...make sense]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Backstage, Ash places his Z-ring, Dynamax band and Mega Gloves on. He then faces his Journeys team.]''
:'''Ash''': Hey guys, you ready? Then let's do this! ''[The rest of the Journeys team declare themselves ready for the match.]'' We're gonna win, right?! ''[The team exclaim in agreement. Just then, a Piplup and Eevee run up to Ash and his team. Could it be...?]'' 
:'''Ash''': What? ''[Just then, Dawn and Chloe show up into the backstage area]''
:'''Dawn''': Hi there, Ash! 
:'''Chloe''': Sorry to barge in!
:'''Ash''': Dawn, Chloe! 
:'''Chloe''': We'll both cheer for you and since Goh couldn't make it, I'll cheer on his behalf too. ''[Nice substitutes, but where are the rest of Ash's other companions, not counting Tracey, Goh, and Iris?]''
:'''Ash''': Awesome, thanks a lot.
:'''Chloe''': Besides, I wanted to let Eevee see a live tournament.
:'''Eevee''': Eevee! [You know it!]
:'''Dawn''': I can understand that. I watched all this time on TV, but I just had to be there for this! 
:'''Chloe''': Everyone's cheering for you, back at the lab. Give it you're all, okay?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Hop''': Lee, what's wrong?
:'''Leon''': ''[in his mind]'' Feeling nervous but in a good way. I wonder why am I remembering my first Pokémon battle now?''[reveals flashback of a young Leon facing a young Sonia. This is a foreshadow of what the results are going to be...]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Piplup wearing his old cheerleader outfit from the Diamond and Pearl series. He is showing off his cute cheers to Chloe.]'' 
:'''Chloe''': You are just so cute in that outfit!
:'''Dawn''': Isn't it great? Piplup always cheered like that back in Sinnoh, too.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Announcer''': ''[We see Iris sitting in a tree watching the game on her tablet computer (went home to Unova to resume her Unova Champion duties), Lance is watching the game with Dragonite on his phone, Alain is with Mairin and Professor Sycamore at Sycamore's lab watching the game]'' And now, let's bring our finalists to the field. Ranked 8 in the Masters Eight, the very first Champion of the Alola region and hailing from Kanto, Ash Ketchum! ''[crowd cheering]'' 
:'''Dawn''': If Ash can't do it, no one can! ''[Both Piplup and Eevee are cheering on as well]''
:'''Chloe''': So many people cheering for Ash!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Announcer''': Ever since Ash entered the World Coronation series, he has taken on and defeated a long list of powerful opponents.  ''[Steven is watching the game in a meeting room inside Devon Corporation.]'' Perhaps, the most watched contestant, he even defeated Hoenn Champion, Steven Stone. Ash, then, took on the Sinnoh Champion, Cynthia, and emerged victorious. ''[Both Diantha and Cynthia are watching the game in person in the VIP box. Those two female Champions must now be big fans of Ash...]'' He has used Dynamax, Z-Moves and Mega Evolution, combining them with a Pokémon battling style of his own. So what kind of inspired moves will he make today? Now the one facing Ash. Here's the reigning Monarch with worldwide name recognition. He's the role model and battling goal for Pokémon trainers all over the globe. Ranked no. 1 in the Masters Eight, the Champion of the Galar region, Leon!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Dan''': The finals consists of a six-on-six full battle. There will be no limits on time or switching out Pokémon. The one who leaves all six of their opponents Pokémon unable to battle wins! Also, a contestant is only permitted to use Dynamax, a Z-move or Mega Evolution once per-
:'''Leon''': Hold it! 
:'''Dan''': Leon? 
:'''Leon''': Just once is pretty boring. So come at me using them all, okay?
:'''Ash''': Really?
:'''Leon''': This is the ultimate test of the all out competition! I want to battle with all their power! That's right! And that's why I want all of your Pokémon to hit us with everything we got! Dynamax, Z-moves and Mega Evolution! I want to battle against all of them! I want to challenge them all and beat them all! What about you? Don't you want to see a full power battle?! ''[The crowd cheers loudly which is cool, but we need approval from the officials first, Leon!]''
:'''Hop''': Go Lee! Yeah, that's my brother with the awesome ideas!
:'''Chloe''': What does that mean? 
:'''Dawn''': That means it'll be an amazing match!! Alright, you can do it, Ash!! 
:'''Dan''': ''[contacting the officials of Leon's proposition]'' Yes. Mmm-hmmm. I see. ''[hangs up]'' The officials in charge of the World Coronation series have agreed to Leon's suggestion! Ash, do you agree?
:'''Ash''': You bet! Sounds awesome! ''[Okay! Now we can start the show with this rule!]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Cynthia''': That's something Leon would do.
:'''Diantha''': Yes. This might become the kind of battle we'll never see again. 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Leon summons his Cinderace out while Ash summons his Pikachu.]''
:'''Ash''': I'm counting on you! I want you to be the first on the field.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Leon summons his Inteleon into battle. Leon has all three Galar starters which he must have obtained prior to becoming Champion! Now do you understand why the tradition of giving Ash, a region Champion, new starters has been banned after the Sun and Moon series, fans?! Ash summon his Gengar into the match.]''
:'''Ash''': This time, it's Inteleon?! It's like we're battling Goh's Pokémon!

==Toying With Your Motions!==
:''[Ash summons his Sirfetch'd into battle against Mr. Rime. Uh...]''
:'''Leon''': A Fighting type?
:'''Cynthia''': Against a Psychic type like Mr. Rime. Sirfetch'd is at a disadvantage.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Sirfetch'd uses Fury Cutter on the ice terrain, cancelling out Mr. Rime's field advantage.]''
:'''Announcer''': The energy of Psychic Terrain has been eliminated!!
:'''Mr. Rime''': Huh?
:'''Ash''': That's the way, Sirfetch'd! 
:'''Sirfetch'd''': Sirfetch'd. [That's how I do it.]
:'''Leon''': So that's the reason.
:'''Diantha''': Since it's a Bug-type move, it's capable of destroying a Psychic-type move? ''[You had to watch the Ash vs. Valerie Gym Battle, Diantha, because that is the same tactic Ash used before.]''
:'''Chloe''': I guess not all moves are meant to attack Pokémon.
:'''Dawn''': Yep! That's the way Ash rolls!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Leon's Dragapult strikes Dragonite with Dragon Tail switching Dragonite out for Mega Lucario]''
:'''Announcer''': It happened again with Dragon Tail! This time it forced Mega Lucario onto the field.
:'''Diantha''': It must be hard for Ash to work that way.
:'''Cynthia''': Ash may have more Pokémon remaining, but Leon's the one controlling the pace.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': ''[recalls his Lucario]'' Lucario, return. You gave it all that you had. I already knew Leon's strong! Even if I'm ahead, he catches up!
:'''Sonia''': Leon looks like he's not even trying. 
:'''Chloe''': Oh, Ash.
:'''Dawn''': He'll be fine! No need to worry! 
:'''James''': Dragapult's just too powerful.
:'''Meowth''': This could be bad news for the twerp.
:'''Jessie''': Get it together! We're up here cheering our little lungs out!
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobbuffet! [Get your act together!]

==Paring Pokémon While Parrying!==
:'''Leon''': When I bring out my Grass-type, a lot of opponents tend to use Flying-type attacks. This is how we answer that. 
:'''Dawn''': Offense is the best defense? Seems like Leon is acting a bit like Ash does.
:'''Chloe''': Huh?
:'''Dawn''': Don't you think that both of them have similar battling styles?
:'''Chloe''': Mm. 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Jessie''': Why, you big Champion jerk! 
:'''James''': He keeps grabbing the momentum.
:'''Meowth''': Nope. Pikachu and Dracovish are still in this thing.
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobbuffet! [I'm still worried though!]
:'''Leon''': Ash, thanks to you and your Pokémon, my Pokémon and I are truly living up to our greatest potential. But it's kind of really sad. You have two Pokémon. True, this battle has been great, but it's soon about to end.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[With Rillaboom down, both Ash and Leon have two Pokémon left. Now it's anybody's game.]''
:'''Announcer''': Ash caught up almost immeadiately! ''[Clemont and Bonnie are shown watching the game from the Lumiose Gym. This makes sense because Clemont and Bonnie have to run their Gym together which is why they could not show up to watch the game in person. They also appear to be aware that Ash should keep his guard up, but at least they are rooting for him]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[With Dracovish out, Pikachu is the only one left!]''
:'''Chloe''': Do you think they'll be alright?
:'''Dawn''': They'll be fine! Those two can handle anything!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Leon''': Hey, Ash.
:'''Ash''': Huh?
:'''Leon''': Charizard was my very first Pokémon. It's gone on all of my adventures. My partner from the very beginning. My very first battle. My very first catch. ''[a brief flashback shows a young Leon and his Charmander, alongside Sonia.]'' My very first evolution. Time and time again, it's been there with me.
:'''Ash''': I hear you, Leon. I've gone on every adventure with Pikachu. That's why I want Pikachu to beat Charizard.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Ash is ready to execute Pikachu's special Z-move]''
:'''Leon''': I've been waiting for this!
:'''Announcer''': Here we go! Ash and Pikachu have begun their Z-move!
:'''Ash''': Much bigger than a Thunderbolt! 10,000,000 Volt Thunderbolt! Yeah, this is much, much bigger! At super full power! ''[Ash's Alola team, Alolan companions (Lillie, Rotom Dex, Kiawe, Lana, Mallow, Sophocles) and their mons, Gladion, Professors Kukui and Burnet, Lei, and Principal Oak all watch the battle, rooting for their Alolan Champion. The Alolan companions and Gladion are students, the adults are staff members keeping the Alolan Pokémon school running and Kukui and Burnet have to take care of Lei and Ash's Alola team, which is why they did not appear in person at Wyndon Stadium.]'' 
:'''Pikachu''': Pika, Pika! [Behold our strength!]
:'''Ash''': Pikachu, use 10,000,000 Volt Thunderbolt!

==Partners in Time!==
:''[Eternatus flies around Wydon Stadium and it recharges both Ash and Leon's Dynamax bands and its sprinkling Galar particles around.]''
:'''Sonia''': Eternatus? But why?
:'''Professor Magnolia''': The stability of Galar particles is the stability of the Galar region. Eternatus appears to have just protected everyone of us and the region's peace. ''[Eternatus flies away. Guess Galar does need Eternatus after all.]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Leon''': Amazing! Eternatus gave us a bonus round! ''[showing his Dynamax band glowing.]''
:'''Ash''': Huh? ''[checks his Dynamax band and it is also glowing.]'' Yeah. My Dynamax band.
:'''Pikachu''': Pika? [What does that mean?]
:'''Leon''': I hope you're watching, Eternatus. Charizard return! ''[recalls his Charizard]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Leon''': Cinderace, return. ''[recalls Cinderace]'' You were the best. Great job Gigantamaxing. Alright, Ash! This will decide it! ''[readies Charizard]'' It's time to use our aces! 
:'''Ash''': Yeah! Partner vs partner!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Leon''': You did very well drive someone like me this far! You're helping me become stronger than ever! So, until the last move, I'd say we get even more fired up!
:'''Charizard''': ''[roars]'' [Come and get it!]
:'''Pikachu''': Pika! [Alright, I will!]
:'''Ash''': Thanks to you, we've gotten a whole lot stronger than before, Leon. This battle is the peak of all adventures Pikachu and I have had up until this point. That's why we're gonna win!
:''[During this dialogue, we see Professor Oak, Delia, Tracey and Ash's reserves still watching. The scene cuts to Misty at her gym watching the show (Misty had gym duties which is why she didn't show up at Wyndon). We see Brock, Cilan and Alexa watching (Cilan must have introduced Alexa to Brock). On top of that, Brock is working as a doctor, Cilan has connoisseur duties and Alexa is doing journalism which is why they also didn't appear at Wyndon. The scene cuts to Serena, Lisia, along with...May and Max! Keep in mind that May's Japanese voice actor had retired because of vocal problems and Max's Japanese voice actor retired from the business, which is why they don't have any lines. It's great that the two get to appear in a cameo and become friends with Serena. Also, all of them have performance completely scheduled unlike Dawn who performs on her own time.]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': Pikachu!
:''[Pikachu is getting exhausted. Everyone watching is worried. First Chloe and Dawn. Then Team Rocket. Then Diantha and Cynthia. Next is Misty. Then it goes to Serena holding hands with May who has one hand placed on Max's shoulder. Then Brock and Cilan (where's Alexa?). Next is Iris. Then it cuts to Clemont and Bonnie. Then the Alola cast (minus Sampson Oak?!). Then to Professor Oak, Delia and Tracey. And while Goh did not see the game, he is worried about Ash. Don't give up until it's over, Ash and Pikachu! Think of the times the two inspired their friends, surely they got Ash and Pikachu's back!]''
:'''Ash''': Pikachu!
:''[Pikachu starts to suffer a blackout...Inside the black void...]''
:'''Ash''': It's so cute! It's the best of all! Oh hi, Pikachu! ''[Pikachu zaps Ash. Then the black void becomes a white void. Just then Bulbasaur and Squirtle pop into the frame, followed by Charizard, Pidgeot and Butterfree.]''
:'''Bulbasaur''': Bulbasaur! [You're not giving up, are you?]
:'''Squirtle''': Squirtle! [You can do it, Pikachu!]
:'''Charizard''': ''[pops into the frame]'' Roar! [Get back up!]
:'''Pikachu''': Pi? [Huh?]
:'''Pidgeot''': Pidgeot! [I may not be here, but I know you are not done!]
:''[The rest of Ash's Generation I reserves appears: Mimey, Kingler, Primeape (fans are still mad at the writers for not returning Primeape to Ash), Snorlax, Muk, Lapras, 30 Tauros]''
:'''Mimey''': Mime! Mime! [We're all rooting for you!]
:'''Kingler, Muk, Snorlax, Tauros and Lapras''': ''[all cheer]'' [We got your back! Go, Pikachu, go! Keep up the pace! Don't slow down! Don't collapse on us!]
:''[Then Ash's Johto members: Noctowl, Bayleef, Quilava, Totodile, Donphan and Heracross...along with the Larvitar Ash travelled with but never caught.]''
:'''Noctowl''': Hoot! [Go get em, Pikachu!]
:'''Heracross''': Hera! [Don't stop, Pikachu!]
:'''The Johto Starters''': Quilava! Bay! Totodile! [Get back up! We're rooting for ya! Show me more energy!]
:'''Donphan and Larvitar''': Donphan! Larvitar! [Go, Pikachu! You can do it!]
:''[The next group are Ash's Hoenn/Battle Frontier team of Glalie, Corphish, Sceptile, Torkoal, Ambipom (fans are still mad at the writers for &quot;To Thine own Pokémon be True!&quot; because of Ambipom's release) and Swellow]''
:'''All members''': ''[each gave their exclamation as if to say...]'' [Don't give up! You're still in the running! Don't quit on us! Show your opponent who's boss! I may be not be a member of your team anymore, but I am always with you! Keep going, Pikachu!]
:''[Next up are the Sinnoh members: Infernape, Gliscor, Torterra, Staraptor, Buizel and Gible]''
:'''All Sinnoh members''': ''[all cheering]'' [Get back up! You are not going down that easy! Keep going, Pikachu! You're not going down! You're not through yet! Come on, Pikachu!]
:''[Then there's Ash's Unova team: Unfezant, Oshawott, Pignite, Snivy, Scraggy, Leavanny, Boldore, Palpitoad and Krookodile]''
:'''Ash's Unova members''': ''[all roaring]'' [Give it everything you got! Don't fail us now! Do it for us! You still have some strength left in ya! The game's not over yet! Keep on pushing! Keep battling! Don't quit on us! It's not cool to lose right now!]
:''[Ash's Kalos members are shown next: Greninja, Goodra (fans are still mad at the writers for &quot;Facing the Needs of the Many!&quot; because of these two releases), Talonflame, Hawlucha and Noivern]''
:'''Ash's Kalos members''': ''[all exclaming]'' [Don't give up until it's over! That's what Ash told us! We believe in you! Get back up and fight! Fight with all your might!]
:''[The Alolan Squad is shown next: Rowlet, Dusk Lycanroc, Incineroar, Naganadel, Melmetal and Nebby the Solgaleo]''
:'''Ash's Alola Team''': ''[more exclamation]'' [Come on! You've helped us won the Alola League! Surely, you can win this tournament as well! I'm always there for you in spirit! Don't let us down! Keep going, Pikachu!]
:''[Finally, the Journeys team: Dragonite, Lucario, Gengar, Sirfetch'd and Dracovish]''
:'''Ash's Journeys team''': ''[cheering for Pikachu as well. Ash also appears too]'' [Come on! This is your time to shine! Time to show Leon what you're made of! Keep having at them! Everyone's depending on you!]
:'''Ash''': You see, Pikachu? Everybody's backing us up!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Charizard collapses from exhaustion. You know what that means...]''
:'''Dan''': Charizard is unable to battle! Which means the victory goes to Ash! ''[Congratulations, Ash! You are now the very best like no one ever was!]''
:'''Announcer''': It's decided! We now have ourselves a new Champion! From the Kanto region, born in Pallet Town, Ash Ketchum!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Leon''': ''[enters the centre's wing]'' Look like Pikachu is feeling better. ''[His Charizard takes a look inside]''
:'''Ash''': Leon!
:'''Pikachu''': Pika! [Hey there!]
:'''Leon''': It was a good battle. Lots of fun too. 
:'''Ash''': I've feel the exact same way.
:'''Leon''': It made me think back my very first Pokémon battle. A great time. ''[The flashback revealed that Leon's Charmander lost to a Rookidee owned by Sonia herself. Leon gets upset about this loss.]'' Yet frustrated. Of course, that's what a Pokémon battle really is. From now on, I'm just another challenger. I'll have lots of battles and become even stronger.
:'''Ash''': Me too! I want to have tons of battles!
:'''Leon''': ''[extends his hand]'' Let's battle again sometime.
:'''Ash''': ''[accepts Leon's handshake]'' You got it! ''[Pikachu delivers a friendly headbutt to Charizard]''
:'''Dawn''': It's getting to be about time for the award ceremony, Ash!
:'''Chloe''': Hey Leon, you're coming too, right?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Diantha''': You know. I've suddenly got the urge to have a battle.
:'''Cynthia''': Great. Me too. I'm free. ''[Diantha and Cynthia were right to see a lot of potential in Ash when they met him for the first time.]''

==The Mew From Here!==
:''[Since Ash vs. Leon was happening at the same time, we get to see Project Mew. The Chasers had just landed on the island. Time to start the search but a little sightseeing full of wild Pokémon living there, first.]''
:'''Goh''': Oh. Amazing.
:'''Horace''': Yeah. 
:'''Goh''':This place is teeming with Pokémon life.
:'''Horace''': It's truly a Pokémon paradise.
:'''Quillon''': Let's go. ''[Time to get back to the mission]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[At the mountain base]''
:'''Goh''': Does it have to be that tall?
:'''Horace''': And it gives off a pristine vibe.
:'''Danika''': Ancient fishermen gave it the name of Sharishariima.
:'''Goh''': Sharishari?
:'''Quillon''': A sound like an evil monster attacking humans.
:'''Gary''': One shouldn't even approach a mountain of horrors like that. Wasn't that the message? ''[Sure, unless there is something important to find in that area.]''
:'''Danika''': Geologically, this mountain is very important. It hasn't changed its shape in several hundred million years.
:'''Quillon''': In ancient times, this might have been the axis or the centre of the world.

==In the Palm of our Hands!==

==Heroes Unite!==
:''[While camping out with Grookey, Cinderace, Ash, Pikachu, Chloe, and Eevee, Goh rises from his chair and looks at Ash, preparing to come clean about traveling on his own]''
:'''Goh''': Hey, Ash?
:'''Ash''': Hm? ''[Chloe looks at the duo]'' What's up, Goh?
:''[Goh starts to hesitate, then smiles, unwilling to leave Ash for the sake of their friendship]''
:'''Ash''': Huh?
:'''Goh''': No, it's really nothing. I'm sorry.
:'''Ash''': Okay.
:'''Goh''': ''[looking at the starry night]'' The stars are really pretty tonight, you know?
:'''Ash''': ''[also rising from his chair]'' Goh?
:'''Goh''': Huh?
:'''Ash''': I'm taking another journey. ''[Both Goh and Chloe gasped in shock at what Ash just said]'' I'll be heading out with Pikachu, of course.
:'''Pikachu''': Pika.
:''[Logs burning in the fire begin to tumble still, as Goh looks down, feeling betrayed by Ash's intention to continue his journey without him]''
:'''Goh''': ''[distraught]'' You're heading out... without... talking about it?
:'''Ash''': ''[looking surprised]'' Huh?
:'''Goh''': And you're doing it... without asking anybody?!
:'''Ash''': Hey, Goh?
:'''Goh''': So we weren't... GOOD FRIENDS AFTER ALL!!! ''[tearfully running away from the camp with Grookey and Cinderace, taking his bag with him]'' WE'RE THROUGH!!!
:'''Cinderace''': Cinde!
:''[Ash and Pikachu are left stunned and perplexed by Goh's reaction]''
:'''Chloe''': The thing is... Goh is conflicted.
:'''Ash''': About what?
:'''Chloe''': Taking his own journey.
:'''Ash''': ''[gasps]'' Conflicted, huh?
:'''Chloe''': But he just couldn't decide all by himself. He thought that would betray your friendship. ''[taking her bag with her]'' Maybe you didn't realize how much you mean to him. You're the first real friend he's made.
:''[Chloe leaves the camp with Eevee in search for Goh, while Ash and Pikachu sees them off before going to find Goh as well]''
:'''Ash''': Goh!

==This Could be the Starts of Something Big!==

==The Road Most Traveled!==
:''[Note: Starting in this episode, Ash FINALLY begins to use and rotate his reserves. Unfortunately, this is too little, too late, as the writers should have had Ash used them at the start of the Generation VIII series while building a new team and not make Ash overuse his current team while ignoring the reserves just like he did in Hoenn, Unova, Kalos, Alola and the World Coronation Series. The tradition of Ash overusing his current team, while ignoring the reserves, is now and forever the most hated concept of all time.]''

:''[Both Ash and Pikachu reach a fork in the road. Which route to take?]''
:'''Ash''': So which one should we take?
:'''Pikachu''': Pika. [Let's decide] ''[Ash finds a nearby stick near one of the tree roots.]''
:'''Ash''': Right. This'll decide. How about we go where the leaves point? ''[He tosses the stick in to the air allowing Pikachu to swat it with his tail. The stick spins into the air for a bit before landing and pointing towards the left.]'' To the left! ''[The two start, only for Ash to turn around. Are you for real, Ash?]'' I thought so but I want to go the other way. It just sort of hit me. ''[Pikachu retaliates by zapping Ash's hat off.]'' 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Something invisible has crashed into a lake. Ash, Pikachu, Sceptile, Noivern and Donphan all check it out]''
:'''Ash''': Something's over there. ''[The figure becomes visible and shows off its redness]'' Isn't that? ''[He pulls Latias to the surface]'' Hang in there, Latias. ''[Latias is freaking out and tries to flee only to fail because it is too injured.]'' Stop! Calm down! Please! What's wrong, Latias? I'm sorry I scared you. ''[Both Ash and Latias head towards the lakeshore, only to sink.]'' Buizel! ''[summons his Buizel. Buizel does help push Latias to the shore.]'' Hey, thanks, that's awesome.

==A Fated Face-Off!==

==Must be our Heroes and the Witch!==
:'''Kathy''': Thanks for your patience. Here's some sandwiches and a dish of some special Pokémon food.
:'''Ash and Misty''': Wow! Time to dig in!
:'''Ash''': The yummiest!
:'''Misty''': The best!
:'''Ash''': But I feel like I've tasted something like this before.
:'''Misty''': I was just thinking the exact same thing.
:'''Ash''': These are the most delicious things I've had. ''[At this point, Kathy is carrying a couple drinks on a tray and passing by hearing the two's conversations]''
:'''Kathy''': Why thank you. Mr. Chef, you're being praised! Come on out!
:'''Brock''': Ah ha. Thank you so much. ''[What on earth are you doing here?! Shouldn't you be working as a doctor?]''
:'''Ash and Misty''': Hey, it's Brock!
:'''Brock''': Ash! Misty! ''[Pikachu jumps onto Brock's shoulder]''
:'''Pikachu''': Pikachu! [Hello again, Brock!]
:'''Brock''': Nice to see you, Pikachu.
:'''Misty''': Brock, so what are you doing here?
:'''Brock''': What does it look like? I've taken a job here as the restaurant's head chef, of course. ''[Oh, you have got to be kidding the fans!]''
:'''Misty''': But you're a Pokémon doctor!
:'''Brock''': I chose this! I'm devoting my life to helping her all she does.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Brock''': ''[upon learning that Kathy has a fiancee]'' I was on fire, now I'm burned out.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[A voice off-camera recognizes Ash. Could it be...]''
:'''Cilan''': Huh? Ash? ''[Both Ash and Misty turn their attention to Ash's former Unova companion]''
:'''Ash''': Cilan!
:'''Cilan''': It really is you! ''[Ash and Cilan shake hands]''
:'''Both Ash and Cilan''': Long time! 
:'''Misty''': You're the one who gave Ash that lure.
:'''Ash''': Meet my good friend from a bunch of journeys. You'll love her!
:'''Misty''': I am Cerulean Gym Leader, Misty, with beauty known around the world!
:'''Cilan''': But of course. A sensational sister of Cerulean City. ''[Fans think only Daisy deserves the title, not Lily and Violet.]''
:'''Misty''': They're my three older sisters.
:'''Cilan''': Sisters? So Sensational sisters and a side of weak tea...
:'''Misty''': WEAK TEA?! ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A FIGHT?!
:'''Cilan''': Uhhh...that wasn't what I meant.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Cilan''': It's Brock!
:'''Misty''': You know him?
:'''Cilan''': We became friends in the Johto region just a little while back. We watched your final match together. Oh yeah, congrats on the win! ''[There was an undubbed post Black and White episode where Cilan did meet Brock]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jessie''': The Twerps are history! Where did they go?
:'''James''': How unusual. They were headed this way...
:'''Meowth''': If this keeps up, I'll never get the sweet head pat rewards from the loving hands of the Boss.
:'''Jessie''': Moving up to division leadership!
:'''James''': Social advancement and a party!
:'''Meowth''': Full tummies!
:'''Team Rocket''': We want food!
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobbuffet!
:'''Hattrem''': Hatt...
:'''Jessie''': Oh, wait. Who is that Pokémon?
:'''James''': Hattrem!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Brock''': With this, I've discovered I'm still going to need a lot more experience. So, I'll travel with Ash and crew and train up my heart the right way. ''[Now, that's what fans are talking about. Don't give up on your doctor job.]''
:'''Ash''': Wow, another good friend is coming along.
:'''Misty''': That means we'll have great food!
:'''Ash''': Yeah and meals Brock and Cilan make are totally awesome.
:'''Cilan''': As much as I appreciate the compliments, I'm on my own from here.
:'''Ash''': Huh? You're not travelling with us?
:'''Cilan''': Ingo and Emmett will be holding an event to unveil a brand new train car and I really have to be there! There will be a new lunchbox!
:'''Ash''': Really? Then let's meet up again!
:'''Cilan''': And best wishes! Take good care!
:'''Ash''': Best wishes for a great journey!

==Bearing Down Easy!==
:'''Ash''': Guys, I think that Beartic may be having trouble using its Ice type powers.
:'''Misty''': Really? It made some pretty good ice pillars.
:'''Brock''': That isn't what Beartic intended to do. It's strange, but it only seems to be freezing things when it's startled or scared.

==A Squad Worth of Passion!==
:'''Jessie''': What a racket! What's the problem?
:'''Meowth''': It's the twerp replay.
:'''James''': You don't think they came to reassess the Squirtle Squad, do you?
:'''Jessie''': Stop, that's not even half a joke!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Misty''': ''[drags Brock away with Croagunk's help. Hey, seems Croagunk and Misty share something in common!]'' Yeah, yeah, fate's had enough of your world, thank you.
:'''Brock''': The double broken heart is twice as painful.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[As the Squirtle Squad leave for another trip on firefighting business, a large crowd is running towards Ash and the gang. Wait a second...]''
:'''Girl''': Hey, wait for us!
:'''Ash''': They're Squirtle's fans! ''[True, but they're not here for Squirtle...]''
:'''Brock''': That's popularity.  
:'''Random fan''': I knew it! It's Ash the Champion! ''[Hey, Ash is finally acknowledge as a World Champion]'' 
:'''Ash''': Oh, you mean me?
:'''Pikachu''': Pika. [Yes, you.]
:'''Brock''': We sure have a popular one right here.
:''[The crowd surrounds Ash asking for his autographs. This might take a while...]''
:'''Pikachu''': Pika! Pika! [Hey, take it easy!]
:'''Ash''': Why are they doing this to us?!

==The Same Moon, Now and Forever!==

==Ride, Lapras, Ride!==

==Getting to the Heart of it All!==

==Rocket Revengers!==
:''[Delibird throws several Poké Balls into the air.]''
:'''Team Rocket''': Huh?
:''[Could it be...? It is! It's Team Rocket's old Pokémon that were left at HQ: Yanmega, Seviper, Woobat, Frillish, Gourgeist, Mime Jr., Yamask, Inkay, Amoonguss and Carnivine! Each of Team Rocket's old Pokémon announce themselves.]''
:'''Yanmega''': Yan-Yan! [Hello again!]
:'''Seviper''': Seviper! [Long time no see!]
:'''Woobat''': Woobat-Woobat! [Did you miss us?]
:'''Frillish''': Frillish-Frillish! [It's great to be back!]
:'''Gourgeist''': Gourgeist-Gour! [What's up?]
:'''Mime Jr.''': Mime-Mime-Mime-Mime! [Just like good old days!]
:'''Yamask''': Yamask! [Ready to work!]
:'''Inkay''': Inkay-Ink! [I'm in for some more fun!]
:'''Amoonguss''': Amoonguss! [Love the surprise?]
:'''Carnivine''': Carnivine! [It's going to be delightful!]
:'''Morpeko''': Mor-Morpeko. [You must be the other mons Jessie and James mentioned.]
:''[Team Rocket cheered in excitement at seeing their old Pokémon again. Just like the good old days!]''
:'''Jessie''': Dear Frillish, and Gourgeist and Woobat and Yanmega! Seviper! Dearies! ''[Her Pokémon are cuddling her quite well.]''
:'''James''': Inkay, Mime Jr., Amoonguss, Dear Yamask! Chomp down, Carnivine! ''[James' mons are cuddling him as well with Carnivine biting James' head.]''
:'''Meowth''': Nothing like a Pokémon party to rock the house!
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobba-Wobbuffet! [I sure miss those guys!]
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Delibird also summons a golden statue of Giovanni as well. The eyes on the statue turn blue to indicate that Giovanni is contacting them through the statue]''
:'''Giovanni''': Jessie, James, Meowth.
:'''Jessie, James, Meowth''': Giovanni, sir!
:'''Giovanni''': I want you to take responsibility for the Pokémon you have caught up to this point. ''[Wish you done that earlier, instead of having them use the Rocket Prize Master, Giovanni?]''
:'''Jessie, James, Meowth''': Yes, sir!
:'''Giovanni''': That is all. ''[The statue explodes]'' 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Jessie''': It brings back memories and this face and that face and of all our assignments. ''[a fantasy version of Weezing, Arbok (both released in Hoenn to protect the wild Koffing and Ekans), Victreebel (traded away for another Weepinbell by the Magikarp salesman before they both got released in Johto), Dustox (released in Sinnoh to mate with a Shiny Dustox), Lickitung (Jessie accidentally traded her Lickitung for Benny's Wobbuffet in Johto), Chimecho (James left it behind in one of his summer cottages after Chimecho was too ill to continue), Cacnea (given away to Gardenia in Sinnoh to master Drain Punch), Mareanie and Mimikyu (both left behind in Alola) all appear. So when are the Rocket Gang going to reunite with them again, not counting Mareanie and Mimikyu?]'' 
:'''Meowth''': I hope they are feeling all the love.
:'''Jessie''': For the sake of those who did their love and best...
:'''James''': And for the sake of giving the boss a tiny bit of peace...
:'''Both Jessie and James''': We'll get our hands on Pikachu, that's what we'll do!
:'''Meowth''': And we'll let the world know Team Rocket's Revenge Mission is riding again!
:'''Jessie''': That makes us sound like real villains!
:'''James''': Totally nasty!
:'''Meowth''': All we need are the details of a plan.
:'''James''': Pick me, please! I've got some rocking plans! Right, Mime Jr.?
:'''Mime Jr.''': Mime-Mime! (Right, James!)
:'''Jessie''': Perhaps you'd like to explain it now, Mr. Plan Maker.

==Ash and Latios!==

==The Rainbow and the Pokémon Master!==
:''[Note: This is the last episode where Ash and Pikachu are the main protagonists.]''
:'''Tracey''': Ash! Pikachu!
:'''Ash''': Good morning, Tracey!
:'''Pikachu''': Pikachu. [Morning, Marill.]
:'''Marill''': Ma-marill [Hi, Pikachu.]
:'''Ash''': Where are you going?
:'''Tracey''': I got to run an errand for the Professor, so I'll be out for a while. Take over while I'm gone.
:'''Ash''': Sure. Leave it to me. Have Charmander, Squirtle and Bulbasaur arrived? The Professor said I could see them before they go to new trainers.
:'''Tracey''': They've arrived a while ago. The Professor will be giving them checkups.
:'''Ash''': Gotta see that! Pikachu, let's go! ''[Both Ash and Pikachu head to the lab]''
:'''Tracey''': Well, Marill. Let's be on our way too. 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Gary''': Hey thanks for finding Charmander. I'm the one who grabbed these three guys to the lab.
:'''Ash''': Oh really, that was you? Lucky you, huh? You got to go explore!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': Heading out already?
:'''Gary''': I may not look it, but I'm pretty busy. Oh hey, Ash. I still haven't mentioned it yet. Congratulations on being champ.
:'''Ash''': Uhhh...thanks a lot, Gary. 
:'''Gary''': So, now that you're the Champion, just how close are you to becoming a Pokémon Master? ''[Ash is confused, but Gary has faith that Ash will figure it out.]'' Later. ''[leaves the lab with his Umbreon.]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': ''[noticing his Pidgeot that he released at the end of the Indigo League run. Took you long enough, writers.]'' Pidgeot! You saved us!
:'''Jessie''': What's going on?
:'''Meowth''': I think the twerp's Pidgeotto evolved. ''[The Rocket gang freak out by this revelation]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': You saved us, Pidgeot! Thanks a lot!
:'''Pikachu''': Pika-pika! [Glad you're back!]
:'''Pidgeot''': Pidgeot! [Anytime!]
:''[Just then, Pidgeot's flock of wild Pidgey and Pidgeotto arrive]''
:'''Pikachu''': Pika! [Look at that flock!]
:'''Ash''': Is it me, or is everybody bigger than last time?
:'''Pidgeot''': Geot! [Oh, they've grown up and gotten stronger!]
:'''Pidgeotto''': Geottot-Pidgeotto! [Go be with your trainer again. We're old enough to take care of ourselves!]
:'''Pidgeot''': Pidgeot! [Take care then!]
:'''Pikachu''': Pika? [Do you...?]
:'''Ash''': Wanna come travel with me again?
:'''Pidgeot''': Pidgeot! [Yes! I am long overdue for one!]
:''[The flock bid farewell to Pidgeot assuring that they can run the forest quite well on their own. Pidgeot bids farewell to his former group as well before returning to Ash, finally fulfilling the promise that Ash would come back for Pidgeot.]''
:'''Ash''': Pidgeot, it's so awesome to have you back!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': Pikachu.
:'''Pikachu''': Pi? [Yes?]
:'''Ash''': Remember what we saw Gary the other day?
:'''Pikachu''': Pikachu? [What about it?]
:'''Ash''': He asked me... he asked me how close I got into becoming a Pokémon Master. Being Champion isn't my goal. The thing is I still think of myself as a challenger. I wanna go on a lot more adventures, meet lots more Pokémon, and take everything I learned every day and put it to good use. That includes meeting Latios.
:'''Pikachu''': Pika. [I see.]
:'''Ash''': The thing is... I wanna be friends with all of the Pokémon in the world. That's what it means to be a Pokémon Master.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Last lines]''
:'''Ash''': Hmm. Which way do you wanna go?
:'''Pikachu''': Pika. ''[spots a twig]'' Pi?
:'''Ash''': Huh?
:'''Pikachu''': Pika!
:''[Pikachu picks up a twig and gives it to Ash. Then Ash tosses it into the air to decide which way his journey will take him and Pikachu next. Farewell, Ash, until we meet you again...]''

[[Category:Japanese TV shows]]
[[Category:Pokémon]]</text>
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      <text bytes="107490" sha1="1qqc6us7rmt17v4xkouj39zloucx0du" xml:space="preserve">----
{{Pokémon header}}
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This is a list of episodes in Pokémon Ultimate Journeys: The Series, the twenty-fifth season of the Pokémon animated series (ポケットモンスター Poketto Monsutā?, Pokét Monsters), covering the adventures of series protagonist Ash Ketchum and his new travelling companion Goh as they travel around the Pokémon world, based at the Cerise Research Laboratory in Vermilion City in the Kanto region.

==The Spectral Express!==

==The Winding Path to Greatness==

==It's All in the Name!==
:''[Note: This episode is dedicated in memory of Ren's voice actor, Billy Kametz, who passed away on June 9, 2022, shortly after recording this episode]''

:'''Ash''': Hey, whatcha got in the box, Ren?
:'''Ren''': After being out for repairs, it's finally back. A lamp that Francois really loves! ''[after plugging it in]'' Come on out! It's lunchtime!
:'''Francois/ Magnemite''': Magnemite! [Alright!] ''[begins absorbing the electricity from the lamp]''

==Suffering the Flings and Arrows!==
:''[Note: This episode was to apologize to fans for making Erika a jerk and an irresponsible Gym Leader in the original series. Granted, Ash was rude back then, but still. As of this episode, fans have finally forgave the writers for this serious offence in the original series.]''

:'''Erika''': Welcome to the Celadon Gym. Nice to meet you. My name is Erika, the Gym Leader.
:'''Ash, Goh and Chloe''': Hi there, it's a pleasure to see you.
:'''Erika''': Thank you. ''[recognizes Ash]'' Oh my, don't I know you?
:'''Ash''': ''[a bit nervous]'' That's right, I'm Ash.
:'''Erika''': I recognize you now. Hi Ash! ''[cut to flashback where Ash rescued her Gloom from the fire]'' You helped rescue all the Pokémon after the Gym caught fire. I want to thank you again. You did a really wonderful thing!
:'''Ash''': Aww...
:'''Goh''': Ash, you really did that? ''[It does hint that neither Ash nor Erika were proud of making a bad first impression of each other since they don't mention the issues that caused the Celadon Gym to get caught on fire to Goh or Chloe]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Goh has decided to decorate flowers on Pinsir to make Heracross and Pinsir a happy couple, only to attract the attention of Erika]''
:'''Erika''': A happy couple?! ''[starts to get mad. Don't you remember what you did wrong in the original series when you acted like that?!]'' Could it be you want to use Pokémon flower arranging for romance?!
:'''Goh''': ''[getting nervous]'' Uhhh...well, it's just that... ''[in his mind]'' Am I doing this for the wrong reasons?!
:''[a brief stare down later]''
:'''Erika''': ''[getting cheerful again...whew]'' I think that's wonderful! A trainer would want to see their Pokémon be happy! I insist that you two allow me to help you out!

==The Good, The Bad and The Lucky!==
:''[Note: Since fans were curious as to why Cassidy and Butch were replaced by Matori at the end of the Diamond and Pearl series, fans get to know what became of the two]''

:'''Cassidy''': Relax, it's not going anywhere and there's more where that came from.
:'''Raticate''': Raticate! [Please, enjoy!]
:'''Jessie''': This is scrumpty! 
:'''James''': It's not everyday that a complete stranger would come and save our lives! ''[suddenly recognizes Cassidy]'' Time out! I've seen you before!
:'''Cassidy''': Normally, I wouldn't respond to that but I'll be glad to show you who you are dealing with.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The Team Rocket learn that the cafe owner is none other than Cassidy!]'' 
:'''The Gang''': Cassidy?!
:'''Jessie''': What are you doing in a place like this?!
:'''James''': I venture in a guess that you are on some super secret Team Rocket mission! Am I right?
:'''Cassidy''': Missed it by a mile. I quit. ''[The gang are confused]'' 
:'''Jessie''': My leg's been pulled by a mile quite enough.
:'''Cassidy''': Team Rocket was part of my life but it wasn't all. 
:'''James''': Things besides Team Rocket?
:'''Meowth''': Just what do you mean?
:'''Cassidy''': It's true we were elite members, miles above you, but all those failed mission reports- awful! The grind had simply worn us down.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[A familiar face and voice steps out of the bakery. It's Butch who also quit Team Rocket!]''
:'''Butch''': ''[excited]'' We have customers? ''[shocked to see Jessie, Wobbuffet and Meowth]'' IT CAN'T BE YOU!
:'''Jessie''': So, who are you?
:'''Butch''': Normally, I wouldn't answer that but I'm glad to show you...''[the gang freak out]''
:'''Jessie''': Botch, it's you!
:'''Butch''': The name's Butch, okay?! The name is BUTCH!
:''[Later, Jessie, Wobbuffet and Meowth are enjoying bread Butch gave them]''
:'''Jessie''': Yum! What is this?
:'''Meowth''': It rocks my world!
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobbuffet! [So delicious!]
:'''Butch''': Ehh...to tell the truth...
:'''Jessie''': Don't say another word. All those lousy, loser reports and the grind had simply worn you down, right?
:'''Butch''': ''[a bit annoyed]'' Look, it's my story to tell so let me talk.
:'''Meowth''': Cassidy gave us the lowdown.
:'''Butch''': Huh? You already met with her?
:'''Jessie''': Butch, we like to pay for that yummy food you gave us by working for it.
:'''Butch''': THE NAME IS BOTCH! ''[realizes that Jessie pronounced his name correctly]'' Hmmm...she's right.

==Lighting the Way Home!==
==An Evolution in Taste!==
==Out of Their Elements!==
==Battling Turned Up to Eleven!==
:''[Ash and Goh arrived in Spikemuth after being tricked by Team Yell that the World Coronation series match is here. The city is dark and empty. Not a good place to have a World Coronation series match...]''
:'''Ash''': We're going to have a battle here? ''[Even Pikachu is baffled]''
:'''Goh''': Yep, apparently the directions Team Yell gave us lead right to this location. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Piers''': ROCK AND ROLL! ''[while practing with his Rillaboom, two Toxtricity and Obstagoon]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Both Pikachu's Thunderbolt and Toxtricity's Discharge attacks cancel each other out]''
:'''Ash''': Hey, that wasn't nice!
:'''Piers''': We're in the middle of a rehearsal, so no one is allowed inside.
:'''Goh''': But hold on, isn't this a gym? 
:'''Piers''': It's our gym, it's our stage. Spikemuth Gym. I'm the Gym Leader here, a real genius with Dark types. Mournful Piers is what the fans call me! Now meet the band! On backing vocals, Obstagoon! ''[Obstagoon screams like the band members of KISS]'' On drums, Rillaboom! On guitar, Toxtricity (Amped form)! On bass, Toxtricity (Low-key form)! 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Ash''': I'm here for the World Coronation series! My name is Ash! I'm battling today! 
:'''Piers''': Wait, your name is Ash? Are you in the Ultra Class? And you are from the Kanto region?
:'''Ash''': Right, so you're saying you've heard of me?
:'''Goh''': Wow Ash! You're famous!
:'''Piers''': That's weird. Marnie should be waiting for you over at Wyndon Stadium.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[A weary Piers sighs in annoyance, hinting that Team Yell has a bad habit of sabotaging Marnie's opponents. Good thing Piers is a Team leader that is not a villain.]''
:'''Piers''': They're part of our crew. Sorry if they messed you up.
:'''Ash''': So, how do you know about Marnie?
:'''Piers''': She's my little sister.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Marnie''': No, I can't do that! ''[accept a default win]'' I want a real battle, you hear me? I'm gonna wait.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Marnie learns that her fanclub, Team Yell, attempted sabotage from Ash]''
:'''Marnie''': ''[to Team Yell]'' SHUT YOUR BIG YAPS! ''[to Ash]'' Hey, did that lot really lie to you?
:'''Ash''': Uh-huh. They said the match was somewhere else. Thankfully, Piers drove me here, himself.
:'''Marnie''': My bro did that?
:'''Team Yell grunt''': We really wanted you to win, Marnie! You win and it'll help Spikemuth out, don't you see that?
:'''Marnie''': Not if I win that way! ''[The Team Yell grunts all freak out. You know you did wrong when your idol chews you out for your actions]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Marnie does the friendly smile pose just like in the games]''
:'''Marnie''': Thanks for today. I loved our match. But mark my words, Ash. I won't lose again! 
:'''Ash''': ''[nods in agreement and shakes Marnie's hand]'' We'll both do our best!
:'''Pikachu''': Pikachu! [Take care, Marnie!]

==Meeting Up with the Monarch!==
:''[two kids are running to watch the show]''
:'''Boy 1''': We got to hurry, Leon's battle has already started! 
:'''Boy 2''': Yeah, I know!
:'''Ash''': Huh, Leon's having a battle! Wait a second! Hang on.
:'''Boy 1''': Huh? You beat Marnie yesterday!
:'''Boy 2''': We saw it all! You were really strong! ''[hmmm...Ash is sure becoming more famous...]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Flint''': ''[recalls his defeated Infernape]'' That's why you're the Champion. Thank you. ''[shakes Leon's hand. Back to training, Flint...]''
:'''Leon''': Good battle. Let's do it again. ''[sounds a lot like Ash would say...]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Goh asks Sonia about what Leon is like]''
:'''Sonia''': Let me see...He can't sit still when he sees a Pokémon, kind of like a really big kid who just loves all of them.
:'''Goh''': A kid who really loves Pokémon? You know, that sounds just like Ash.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Goh questions Sonia about Leon's early life]''
:'''Sonia''': I'll tell you. Leon didn't have many friends when he was small. 
:'''Goh''': Really, why is that?
:'''Sonia''': He was probably too busy caring for his little brother [Hop] or doing chores which didn't leave him much time to play with his classmates. But I was his friend, so he saw me now and again. But one day, he befriended Charmander. And as he learned about Pokémon battles, suddenly friends, rivals, and all sorts of people surrounded him. I guess you could say that Pokémon truly expanded Leon's world! 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The drawback of being a Champion.]''
:'''Ash''': Hey Leon, what's it like to be a Champion, anyways?
:'''Leon''': ''[a bit glum]'' I'm scared all the time.
:'''Ash''': Huh?
:'''Leon''': I've never lost a Pokémon battle before. And that scares me a lot. I'm scared I reached my limit and I can't grow anymore, that I can't get any stronger than I am now. ''[cut to a flashback of the Darkest Day arc]'' But when that happened...
:'''Ash''': ''[flashback]'' The sky!
:'''Goh''': ''[flashback]'' Could that be Eternatus?
:'''Leon''': ''[continuing the narration]'' I tried, but I couldn't put a scratch on Eternatus. ''[goes back to the present]'' I was frustrated but excited at the same time. There are still many in this world that are much stronger than I am. But, I'm still chasing after them! I've got a lot of work to do to grow stronger!

==A One-Stick Wonder!==
:''[Note: Many fans still insist that Ash should have gotten Thwackey as to make up for not getting Grookey and continue the tradition of giving Ash a starter. However, current generation starters are not allowed to double up between main protagonists because it will get confusing and people will accuse the writers of playing favourites. Also, Ash is still a region Champion thus giving a starter will still be seen as a large downgrade in Ash's skill]''

:'''Goh''': The Wild Area offers a chance to catch unlimited Pokémon! Or at least that's what I thought...''[it's revealed that Grookey ruined Goh's chance of getting an Applin, causing it to run away]'' Grookey, you could be a little less rambunctious.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Goh notices that the Thwackey has only one stick instead of two]''
:'''Goh''': Huh? It should have two sticks. ''[The one-stick Thwackey runs off]''
:'''Ash''': Oh look, it's getting away!
:'''Goh''': ''[throws the Pokéball at the Thwackey. Really, Goh?! You can't be bothered to evolve your own Grookey?!]'' Poké-ball, go! ''[Thwackey swats it away]'' What are you- ''[rightfully gets hit in the face with the Poké-ball.]''

==Battling in the Freezing Raid!==
==The Future is Now, Thanks to Strategy!==
:''[As Ash heads to Lumiose Gym, he sees a television that is promoting an upcoming event which is none other than Ash's World Coronation series match against Drasna, the Dragon-type user of the Kalos Elite Four]''
:'''Announcer on TV''': It's the Pokémon World Coronation Series Ultra Class! And for tomorrow's match, we'll bring you the 12th ranked competitor, Drasna! And...''[Ash's face appears on the television screen much to Ash &amp; Pikachu's shock]''
:'''Ash''': Ahhh! That's me!
:'''Announcer on TV''': A rising star from Kanto who has been climbing his way up the ranks at number 15, Ash! It's almost time, right, Drasna? ''[Nice that Ash is getting acknowledgement for his accomplishments, yet they still don't mention that he's Alola Champion?]''
:'''Drasna''': I believe Ash is extremely talented which makes me very happy to compete against him!
:'''Announcer on TV''': Well, folks, you heard it here first. We've been speaking to Drasna. Thanks again! ''[The report ends and cuts to a picture of Diantha and her Gardevoir.]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Ash''': Clemont!
:'''Pikachu''': Pika! (Clemont!)
:'''Clemont''': Ash! Pikachu! Great to see you!
:''[Pikachu goes up to Luxray and they bump fists, which are sparking electricity.]''
:'''Pikachu''': Pikachu! (Hey, Luxray!)
:'''Luxray''': Luxray. (Long time no see, Pikachu.)
:'''Clemont''': Your opponent really surprised me! You're battling ''the'' Drasna of the Elite Four!
:'''Ash''': Uh-huh! And my Pokémon are so psyched!
:'''Clemont''': So, for old time's sake...
:'''Both Ash and Clemont''': Everybody, come on out! ''[Ash's team appears alongside Clemont's Chespin and... his newly evolved Diggersby!]''
:'''Clemont''': ''[Dragonite excitedly hugs Clemont]'' Wow! It's Dragonite! ''[Dracovish starts nibbling on Ash's head]'' Who's that Pokémon?!
:'''Ash''': Its name is Dracovish. It was restored from fossils found in Galar! I think it's kinda rare.
:'''Clemont''': Hi! Nice to meet you!
:''[Ash notices that Clemont's Bunnelby is now a Diggersby, who is playing with Pikachu and Chespin]''
:'''Ash''': Diggersby?
:'''Clemont''': Right! My Bunnelby finally evolved!
:'''Diggersby''': Diggersby! Diggersby! (What do you think? Like my new look?)

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Goh''': Now, the route from here to Lumiose City Gym…
:'''Bonnie''': I'm going to Lumiose City Gym, too!
:'''Goh''': Really?
:'''Bonnie''': It's my brother's gym.
:'''Goh''': Nice. Your brother?!
:'''Bonnie''': Yeah!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Somewhere in the Castle of Chivalry, Drasna and her Altaria are practicing with Wikstrom and Escavalier...]''
:'''Drasna''': Just the cutting edge I expect. Great, Wikstrom!
:'''Wikstrom''': I return the words of praise. I'll never lower my guard!

==Taking Two For The Team!==
:'''Wikstrom''': Madam Drasna has truly been looking forward to offering you her greetings.
:'''Drasna''': Nice to meet you. Now Altaria, please say hello, too.
:'''Altaria''': Altaria! [Hello!] ''[begins spinning around]'' Taria! Taria! Altaria! [Wee-hee-hee! It's a pleasure to meet you!]
:'''Drasna''': Simply beautiful! Altaria is my number one Pokémon partner. We both wish you and yours the very best!
:'''Ash''':  ''[nervously]'' Gee, thanks! Right backatcha! Let's have a great match! ''[extends his hand to Drasna]''
:'''Drasna''': ''[accepts the handshake]'' I've done quite a bit of research on your battle history. ''[starts to crush Ash's hand...and gets a bit sinister]'' However, your series of easy wins is over as of this day. 
:'''Pikachu''': Pi! Pi-Pika? [Yikes, she's that threatening?!]
:'''Drasna''': ''[reverts to her cheery self]'' And so I bid you a good day! ''[heads off to the stadium with her Altaria. We all know Ash's bad track record when battling Elite Four members up until this point.]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Drasna''': What did you think of them, Altaria?
:'''Altaria''': Altaria! [They don't scare us!]
:'''Drasna''': Today's battle looks to be most enjoyable.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Goh''': She looks like a nice person.
:'''Grookey''': Grookey-key! [My thoughts exactly!]
:'''Clemont''': Not a chance. She fools everyone with that smile of hers.
:'''Bonnie''': And you can trust what my brother says. He didn't stand a chance against her!
:'''Dedenne''': Denne! [That bad!]
:'''Clemont''': You could've stopped before the last part!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Dracovish tries to use Ice Fang but Altaria counters with Cotton Guard causing Dracovish to fly backwards. Altaria is 4x weak to Ice...what is going on here?]''
:'''Drasna''': Aren't those feathers wonderful? They're protection for Altaria from high damaging hits. ''[Ash growls in frustration]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Dracovish uses Water Gun to soak Mega Altaria and cancel Sky Attack]''
:'''Drasna''': ''[opens her eyes where it is revealed they are black just like her hair]'' Alright, now you've done it!
:'''Ash''': Alright! Wrap it up! Use Dragon Rush!
:'''Clemont''': ''[senses something wrong since Ash never fought a Mega Altaria before]'' Don't do that, Ash! NO!
:''[Dracovish does hit Mega Altaria but it causes Dracovish to fly backwards again. Pikachu exclaims in shock. You know what that means...]''
:'''Ash''': Didn't do a thing!
:'''Announcer''': Mega Altaria took no damage at all!
:'''Goh''': How is that possible?!
:'''Clemont''': When Altaria Mega evolves, it changes from a Dragon and Flying type... 
:'''Drasna''': ...and into a Dragon and '''Fairy''' type! Everything is going exactly as I planned in the first place!
:'''Ash''': Augh! Dragon-type attacks don't affect Fairy-type Pokémon.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Drasna's Noivern collapses from exhaustion]''
:'''Rotom Drone''': Noivern is unable to battle! Dracovish is the winner, which means the victory goes to Ash! ''[You did it, Ash! You finally defeated a member of the Elite Four!]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Announcer''': Ash has risen to 9th place in the Ultra Class! ''[Now, if Ash wants to reach the Masters 8, he has to defeat a member from the Masters 8 who is ranked 8th place. Be ready for your next challenge, Ash.]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Drasna''': Congratulations! Your Ultra Class ranking has risen to ninth. 
:'''Ash''': Thank you so much! ''[Both Ash and Drasna shake hands]''
:'''Drasna''': But it won't be quite so easy to climb higher in the rankings.
:'''Ash''': Yeah, but I'll do my best! ''[Pikachu also agrees with the statement]''
:'''Drasna''': Sirfetch'd  and Dracovish are simply charming. I'll know that I'll cheer for you!
:'''Wikstrom''': Now don't neglect your training!
:'''Ash''': Right, Wikstrom!
:''[Bonnie is seen staring right up at Drasna. Wonder what this could mean...]''
:'''Goh''': What's wrong, Bonnie?
:'''Bonnie''': I have made a decision! 
:''[She gets down on one knee and holds her hand out to Drasna on behalf of Clemont, continuing her running gag from their initial journeys through Kalos.]''
:Drasna, you're a keeper! Please take care of my brother!
:''[Everyone freaks out.]''
:'''Pikachu''': ''[who seemingly missed this]'' Pika-Pikachu!
:'''Bonnie''': I mean, Drasna? You're so strong and in control that I don't think there's anybody else for my brother, see?
:'''Drasna''': ''[blushing]'' Oh, my stars! Whatever shall I do?
:'''Bonnie''': ''[After getting grabbed by Clemont's arm]'' Wait, but why?
:'''Clemont''':  I told you to stop this a million times!

==Reuniting for the First Time!==
:''[Note: This episode is to apologize to fans for not introducing Lisia during the XY series as to represent the promotion of Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire. The writers made the mistake in the XY series of promoting Hoenn remakes by mostly recycling story elements from the Ruby and Sapphire anime, as well as having barely any callbacks.]''

:'''Lisia''': Hi everybody!
:'''Altaria''': Taria! [Greetings, viewers!]
:'''Lisia''': Well, watch me dive in! It's dazzling! Dizzying! ''[spins around]''
:'''Crowd''': Dizzying! ''[also spins around]''
:'''Lisia''': Lisia's Miraculous Contest is Scouting! ''[the crowd cheers]'' I'm going to bring in another fantastic trainer into the world of contesting! Let's see...''[starts her search and sees Chloe]'' You, watching with that baffled expression on your face!
:'''Chloe''': Me?
:'''Lisia''': Have you never joined in a contest?
:'''Chloe''': Uh...never.
:'''Lisia''': That's just what I want to hear. Then let's get this show on the road! Folks, this is the trainer I'm going to scout today! ''[Nice Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire reference]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Chloe''': Wow, it's Sylveon. ''[The Sylveon trainer turns around and reveals to be none other than....Serena!]''
:'''Serena''': You're the contestant Lisia scouted!
:'''Chloe''': How did you know?
:'''Serena''': I saw the live broadcast.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[As Ash and Goh head to the contest hall, a familiar voice calls out to them. It's Wallace, the ex-Hoenn Champion and current Sootopolis Gym Leader. Juan must have retired at some point...]''
:'''Wallace''': Well, if it isn't Ash? ''[Both Ash and Goh stop]'' I knew it! So, I wonder if you remember me.
:'''Ash''': Let's see...
:'''Wallace''': ''[baffled that Ash doesn't remember him]'' I refuse to greet one who sees the visage and gets no inspiration.
:'''Ash''': Right! ''[both Ash and Goh try to leave only for Wallace to grab Ash by the backpack]''
:'''Wallace''': Hold it right there! Recall that your friends May and Dawn participated in a certain Wallace Cup. ''[Fans sure miss May, but given that May's Japanese voice actress has throat problems meant she can't return unless it is a silent cameo...]''
:'''Ash''': I remember now! You're the Contest Master, Wallace!
:'''Wallace''': Oui. So you do remember after all. Good. Now as luck would have it, my niece, the top Idol, Lisia, is appearing in this very contest. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Both Ash and Goh try to leave again, but like last time, Wallace stops them]''
:'''Wallace''': There's no need to be in such a rush. As a matter of fact, I've noticed a certain Trainer named Ash in the World Coronation series. ''[You can guess what's happening...]''
:'''Ash''': You have? Well, thanks.
:'''Wallace''': I'm not in the series, but since we've met, I must assume that it's fate. What say we battle, eh? I'm a trainer who can keep up in battle with the Champion of the Hoenn Region. 
:'''Ash''': Oh! You mean Steven Stone! 
:'''Wallace''': ''[annoyed]'' Well, you had no trouble remembering his name. But I'll refuse to take any offense. ''[Guess Wallace's loss against Steven hit his sore spot]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Ash just defeated Wallace, mostly off camera...yay, Ash defeated a former Hoenn Champion and all the Hoenn Gym Leaders...]''
:'''Wallace''': Milotic, return. ''[recalls his defeated Milotic]'' To think that I, who am on par with Champion what's-his-name, could be defeated. I tip my cap. You were elegantly infuriating so and yet it was utterly glorious. Kudos to you, Ash! As I have come to expect from you.
:'''Ash''': Thank you. It was a great practice for me.
:'''Goh''': Right! Let's go!
:'''Wallace''': Wait, right there! Now, you are able to claim your Rain Badge. ''[whips it out from his fingers and places it on Ash's vest.]'' 
:'''Ash''': ''[baffled by this since he already earned the Rain Badge from defeating Juan]'' Oh...
:'''Goh''': I'm gone!
:'''Wallace''': One more thing! ''[he takes off his scarf and places it on Ash. The scarf is too long and is covering Pikachu]'' Please take this as a memento of your battle with me. 
:'''Ash''': Oh...

:''[Note: Many fans claim that Ash should continue doing Gym Challenges because it is tradition that Ash always does this quest minus Sun and Moon. Again, Ash is a Champion and is competing in the World Coronation series and Ash's Gym Challenge quest is overused and tiresome at this point. Plus, making Ash continue doing Gym challenges would feel like a permanent downgrade in his skills as a trainer.]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Serena''': ''[noticing Ash is heading on the boat back to Vermillion City]'' Huh, is that Ash?
:'''Ash''': Huh? Serena! 
:'''Serena''': It is you! 
:'''Ash''': How have you been? 
:'''Serena''': Me? I've been doing just fine! You're looking great, Pikachu!
:'''Pikachu''': Pikachu. [Thank you, Serena]
:'''Chloe''': You know each other?
:'''Ash''': She's a good friend from some of my journeys. ''[Just the boat horn honks signalling it is time to leave]''

==Radio Lulled the Mischievous Stars!==
==Big Brother to the Rescue!==
:'''Ash's Rotom Phone''': A battle has been scheduled. Your entrance battle will be against Raihan, who is ranked 8th of the Masters Eight. 
:'''Ash''': Raihan, huh?
:'''Goh''': What do you mean entrance battle?
:'''Ash's Rotom Phone''': If Ash wins, he will exchange ranks with his opponent and be officially confirmed as the 8th ranked member of the Masters Eight who are the strongest trainers in the World Coronation Series. ''[Be warned, Ash. Once all entrance battles are finished, the final Masters Eight members are decided. This means that other trainers will have to wait until the next season to try their luck in reaching the Masters Eight again.]''

==Catching the Aura of Fate!==
:''[Note: This episode is to apologize to fans for &quot;Facing the Needs of the Many!&quot; While the reunion is well received, some are still upset that Greninja has not yet rejoined Ash. When all the evil roots are gone for good and Ash's Greninja permanently rejoins Ash like Charizard did in the Black and White series, fans will fully forgive the writers for this serious offence.]''

:'''Ash''': ''[about Greninja]'' When I came to Kalos, Froakie was the first Pokémon I caught. On our journey, we got stronger and stronger. One time, we had a fight because I tried too hard to win a battle...but we made up. Eventually, we took part in the Kalos League and after that, Greninja wanted to protect Kalos, so it stayed behind. ''[Nice story, but why did the writers ignore the Ash-Greninja form? Also, Zygarde appears to be written out of this series due to irrelevance. Also, no mention of Team Flare?]''

==Aim for the Eight!==
:''[Ash, Pikachu and Lucario had just arrived at Hammerlocke Gym and Raihan walks behind the group]''
:'''Raihan''': I was wondering who that was and it happens to be today's challenger.
:'''Ash''': Hi Raihan.
:'''Raihan''': Why are you here so early?
:'''Ash''': You see, I was too excited to stay away any longer. How about you? ''[Well, at least Ash had arrived to his destination for his match]''
:'''Raihan''': The truth is, I'm already on my home turf. Of course, I'd be here early. I'd never think you'd really make this far...but this is where your journey ends because I'll win.
:'''Ash''': Well, I'm not going to lose. ''[Just then, there's some rustling in the bushes, where it's revealed that Leon was sleeping outside the Gym.]''
:'''Leon''': ''[yawns]'' Morning Ash, Raihan.
:'''Ash''': It's Leon!
:'''Raihan''': Just what are you doing sleeping there?!
:'''Leon''': Well, you know, I didn't want to be late for the battle between you two. Guess I got excited.
:'''Raihan''': Huh, you too?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[With Ash's win against Raihan...]''
:'''Raihan''': This was mine to lose.
:'''Ash''': Thanks, Raihan for an awesome battle.
:'''Raihan''': Wait! Gotta sec? ''[he whips out his Rotom phone]'' How about a smile? ''[takes a selfie with Ash]'' I'm gonna beat both you and Leon someday. In the meantime, don't you dare lose before it happens.
:'''Ash''': I won't!
:'''Raihan''': Nice! ''[rubs Ash's head playfully before leaving]'' 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The Masters Eight have been decided and are locked in place for the rest of the season...]''
:'''Announcer''': And so, the entrance battles for this season are complete! The contestants for the Masters Eight Tournament have now been decided! First the winner of this match, ranking at number eight is Ash! Ranking number seven, the Unova Champion, Iris! Ranking number six, the winner of the Kalos Lumiose Conference, Alain! Ranking fifth, the Champion of the Kalos Region, Diantha! Ranking fourth, the Champion of both Kanto and Johto, Lance! Ranking number three, the Hoenn Champion, Steven Stone! Ranked second, the Sinnoh region Champion Cynthia! And ranked number one, amassing an unbroken series of victories, the undefeated Galar Champion, Leon! These eight will be competing in the all-star battles of the Masters Eight Tournament which is scheduled to get underway very, very soon! ''[Note: Since Flint is not seen amongst the Masters Eight, it is revealed that Flint lost too many times off camera is now back in the Ultra Class. Ash must watch out because the other contestants, aside from Iris because Ash defeated her already, are powerful just like him....]''

==Narrowing the Chaser Chase!==
==The Homecoming Crown!==
:''[As promised by the writers, the Mohn story that was first established in the Sun and Moon series gets to finally be resolved]''
:'''Ash''': Are you alright, Lillie? ''[Pikachu is attacking the Shiny Nihilego]''
:'''Lillie''': It's Ash!
:'''Gladion''': ''[rushes into the scene after hearing the commotion]'' What's wrong?! You're here?!
:'''Ash''': Gladion?
:'''Gladion''': What's going on?
:'''Ash''': I was just following Pikachu, when I saw Nihilego about to attack Lillie.

==Helping the Hometown Hero!==

==Chasing to the Finish!==

==Friends, Rivals, Lend me Your Spirit!==
:''[Note: This episode is to apologize to fans for complete disregard of Ash's reserves between Generation V and now. The writers are now banned from giving the impression that Ash's reserves are borderline non-existent. When the writers finally let Ash use his reserves again and fix up the ones that did not get enough character development (fully evolve the ones that didn't in their debut as well as give them more wins), fans will fully forgive them for this offense.]''

:'''Ash's Rotom Phone''': You have a call from the professor!
:'''Ash''': Uh, hello?
:'''Professor Oak''': Greetings, young man!
:'''Ash''': Professor Oak!
:'''Professor Oak''': You should drop by once in a while. See your other Pokémon...''[See, writers, this is the reason why ignoring Ash's reserves at Oak's lab is not worth continuing especially when Professor Oak asked Ash to visit his reserves once in a while.]''
:'''Ash''': Oh yeah! There's lots of battling spirit there! 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Gengar bounces around, hitting trees like being in a pachinko machine until he gets zapped by lightning. As Gengar regains consciousness, he sees an Electivire.]''
:'''Gengar''': Gengar? [Huh, you're the one who zapped me?]
:'''Ash''': ''[arrives along with Goh, Grookey and Pikachu]'' Gengar! No way! Electivire?
:''[Just then, a shadowy figure appears from behind a tree and stands next to his Electivire. It's Paul, Ash's Sinnoh rival!]''
:'''Paul''': Is that your Gengar? 
:'''Ash''': Hey, it's Paul!
:'''Goh''': &quot;It's Paul&quot;? Who's that?! 
:'''Pikachu''': Pikachu! [Long time no see, Electivire!]
:'''Electivire''': Electivire. [Hello again, Pikachu.]
:''[Gengar gets back up but is stumbling. Luckily Ash catches him.]''
:'''Ash''': Gengar, are you alright? ''[gets burned]'' Augh! Hot! ''[Everyone minus Paul and Electivire are confused]''
:'''Goh''': How can that be? Gengar is usually that cold. ''[He touches one of Gengar's fingers.]'' Yep, it is cold.
:''[Gengar hugs Ash and sure enough Ash does feel the coldness of Gengar's body.]''
:'''Ash''': Well, what do you know? Cold.
:'''Paul''': You're useless. At the very least, you should know your Pokémon's condition.
:'''Ash''': Course I know that! 
:'''Goh''': Hey Ash? You know that guy?
:'''Ash''': Yeah. We go way back. When I travelled through Sinnoh, he was a rival I battled a bunch of times. He's a Trainer who's named Paul.
:'''Paul''': Mm. ''[in agreement]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': Hey, we ran into Paul.
:'''Professor Oak''': Well, well. I was hoping he'd surprise you two here. You see, Paul happened to stop by yesterday, out of the blue.
:'''Paul''': Professor Oak is a preeminent figure in Pokémon research. If someone wants to know about Pokémon, he's the best to ask. Nothing strange about that. 
:'''Charizard''': Roar! [Let's go Gengar, you've some work to do.]
:'''Gengar''': Gengar! [Right, let's go!]
:'''Ash''': Let's all train. ''[Charizard, Gengar and the rest of Ash's Fire-mons comply, minus Infernape?]''
:'''Pikachu''': Pikachu! [Let's go!]
:'''Ash''': Kay, buddy! ''[Not so fast, Ash]''
:'''Paul''': You should leave it to the Pokémon. That's what this place is for.
:'''Professor Oak''': I'll keep an eye on them! I think you and Paul have things to talk about.
:'''Ash''': Right!
:'''Paul''': Infernape, why don't you go and join them? 
:'''Infernape''': Infernape? Infernape! [Really? Heading off, Ash!]
:'''Ash''': Infernape, you take care of Gengar, okay?
:'''Infernape''': Infernape! [Right!] ''[runs off and carries Professor Oak over his shoulders!]''
:'''Professor Oak''': Whoa! Hey, stop!
:'''Goh''': So, Infernape does what Paul does it to do too?
:'''Ash''': Yeah, cause Paul was its trainer before I was. ''[Those of you who do not know about Infernape and how he played a part in Ash and Paul's vicious rivalry towards each other during Diamond and Pearl series, here's a brief recap]''
:'''Narrator''': Ash met Paul in the Sinnoh Region. Paul put his Chimchar through some extreme training, but when it didn't meet his expectations, he abandoned it. So, Ash welcomed Chimchar into his group. A deep friendship developed which led to Chimchar evolve all the way into Infernape. 
:'''Goh''': So that's what happened. 
:'''Ash''': Yeah and Infernape's gotten really strong.
:'''Grookey''': Grookey-key-key. [Whoa, look at Electivire's tails!] ''[Electivire's twin tails are swinging back and forth gently]''
:'''Goh''': ''[Grookey jumps off Goh's shoulders]'' Grookey, hang on!
:'''Pikachu''': Pika! [Hey, wait!]
:'''Electivire''': Vire. [What is it?]
:''[Both Pikachu and Grookey are cheering while looking at Electivire's tails. Grookey throws its stick into the air allowing Electivire to catch it with its twin tails]''
:'''Electivire''': Electivire. [Got it!] ''[Pikachu and Grookey applaud at Electivire's performance]''
:'''Paul''': Electivire, go keep them busy.
:'''Electivire''': Electivire. [Sure thing.]
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[We see Paul's Electivire play with Pikachu and Grookey by letting the two ride on its tails, Ash's Torterra is napping with Scraggy and Palpitoad and Gible are hanging out with Goh.]''
:'''Ash''': Hey Paul, didn't you want to enter the World Coronation Series?
:'''Paul''': I'm not interested in noisy crowds. ''[Maybe that's why Paul gave up on region league quests as well? Also, no mention of Paul facing off against Pyramid King Brandon?]''
:'''Ash''': So why don't we face off now? ''[Paul scoffs as if to say &quot;What are you suggesting?&quot;]'' Battle with me!
:'''Goh''': That's a great idea!
:'''Paul''': Three on three and no switching out. ''[Nice call back to Ash and Paul's first battle, but this time this battle is less hostile. Remember, Paul had to fix his attitude after his loss against Brandon, as well as be more respectful to Ash following Paul's loss in the Sinnoh League]''
:'''Ash''': Okay!
:'''Paul''': One thing. You're only allowed to use Pokémon you're taking to the Masters Eight Tournament.
:'''Ash''': Fine! I'll go get them!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Paul''': ''[recalls his defeated Gyarados]'' Not too shabby.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Paul''': Garchomp, standby for battle! ''[summons his Garchomp. Thanks for reminding fans on how you mishandled Ash's Gible, writers! You're telling the fans that characters like Cynthia and Paul can have a Garchomp yet Ash can't evolve his Gible into a Garchomp?!]''
:'''Ash''': So Garchomp is up next.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': ''[recalls his defeated Dragonite]'' Dragonite, you were so cool. Take a rest. Did you see that, Paul? I call that the Dragonite Meteor!
:'''Paul''': ''[recalls his Garchomp]'' Lousy name.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Paul''': ''[baffled that Ash and Gengar are struggling in their battle against Paul and his Metagross, similar to the issue Ash had throughout the Diamond and Pearl series]'' And you're one of the Masters Eight? If I'm giving you a tough time, there's no chance you'll win the tournament! Use Meteor Mash!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Goh''': Excuse me? About your three Pokémon? Aren't they the same as some of the Masters Eight? Lance has a Gyarados, Cynthia has a Garchomp and Steven Stone has a Metagross. Is that just a coincidence? 
:'''Paul''': ''[simply smiles]'' Professor, thanks for all your help. I'll say goodbye for now.
:'''Professor Oak''': You're always welcome to come back here.
:'''Paul''': Thanks. If you'll excuse me. Infernape, until next time.
:'''Infernape''': Infernape. [Catch you later.]
:'''Paul''': Shall we go, Electivire?
:'''Electivire''': Electivire. [Right behind you.]
:'''Ash''': Paul, let's battle again! ''[Paul waves goodbye, knowing full well that Ash is ready for the trials ahead]''
:'''Goh''': He's acting too cool.
:'''Professor Oak''': Paul said he's been officially invited to become a Gym Leader of his own Pokémon Gym.
:'''Ash''': A Gym Leader?
:'''Professor Oak''': That's why he want to learn more and more about Pokémon.

==Curtain up! Fight the Fights!==
:''[As Ash and Goh reach the entrance of Wyndon Stadium, someone calls out to them. This is Hop. Where were you during the Darkest Day arc?]''
:'''Hop''': There you are! ''[runs and blocks their way]'' You're Ash from the Kanto region, aren't you?
:'''Ash''': Huh? Yeah, that's me...
:'''Hop''': Okay, then I'm challenging you to a battle! Right here and now! ''[Really, Hop?! You are begging for trouble!]''
:'''Wooloo''': Woo-loo! [Get ready!]
:'''Hop''': It's battle time! ''[Wooloo agrees with Hop]''
:'''Goh''': I wonder if he knows you're a member of the Masters Eight.
:'''Hop''': I heard that! Of course I know. That's why I'm here! I'm gonna test just how strong you are. 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Hop''': Now Wooloo, Double Kick! ''[Wooloo charges forward]''
:'''Ash''': Iron Tail! ''[Pikachu uses Iron Tail to knock out Wooloo...in one hit!]''
:'''Hop''': ''[horrified]'' Wooloo!
:'''Goh''': So, that's it?
:'''Hop''': A one hit win. Naturally. Now I totally see why my brother likes you.
:'''Ash''': Your brother, huh?
:'''Hop''': Yeah. See, my name is Hop. Leon's my bro.
:'''Ash''': That Leon?
:'''Goh''': Your brother?
:'''Ash''': That means Leon talked to you about me! Whoa, that makes me so psyched!
:'''Hop''': But I've gotta tell you...''[Ash gets confused]''...I'll be the one to end Lee's winning streak! So he's not gonna lose one match before that day! ''[That's what you think, Hop! Many fans think that Hop should have been Ash's main rival just like in the games. However, this loss was to remind fans that Hop's rivalry with Ash would not look very convincing in the anime, since Ash is a Champion and Hop is a rookie.]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Both Ash and Pikachu head to the dressing room where the other Masters Eight members. Just then, Iris runs along with Ash]''
:'''Iris''': Hey, you're cutting it close! 
:'''Ash''': Oh hey, Iris! So we're both in the Masters Eight, huh?
:'''Iris''': Right! I've been looking forward to seeing you!
:'''Ash''': Same for me! Since we've come so far...
:'''Both''': I've gotta win! ''[The other members of the Masters Eight as well as the stadium crew stare at the two. Yeah, save the energy for the tournament, you two.]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Announcer''': We'll start with the 8th ranked trainer. He shown us the Champion of the first Alola League tournament. Hailing from Pallet Town in the Kanto region, Ash Ketchum! ''[Finally the anime acknowledges Ash as the Alola Champion in the Pokémon world.]''
:'''Ash''': Alright! Lookout! ''[Pikachu cheers and accepts the cheers from the crowd as well]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Leon''': Take your best shot! My Pokémon will defeat everyone standing in their way.
:'''Announcer''': And now, we're going to reveal the matchups for the first round! ''[The screen display two square panels for the members. It spins like the ones on a slot machine.]'' For the first match, it's Leon vs Alain! ''[So much for Ash having the chance to refight Alain as to make up for the mess in the Kalos League...]'' 
:'''Ash''': Alain and Leon, huh?
:''[The screen spins again revealing the next matchup]''
:'''Announcer''': And for the second match, it's Lance vs Diantha! ''[Odd choice of pairing since the two never interacted before and Lance did not appear in the XY series. The screen spins revealing the third pair]''
:'''Announcer''': In the third match, it's Cynthia vs Iris. ''[That makes sense since Iris did receive mentorship from Cynthia in the Black and White series]''
:'''Iris''': Me and Cynthia?
:'''Cynthia''': Go easy on me. ''[The screen spins again revealing the final pair]''
:'''Announcer''': For the fourth match, it's Steven Stone vs Ash Ketchum. ''[This is to make up for the lack of interaction between the two throughout the Ruby and Sapphire and the XY series]''
:'''Ash''': So, I'm battling Steven Stone.
:'''Pikachu''': Pi-ka. [He is very tough.]
:'''Steven Stone''': So, we finally get to battle each other.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Cynthia''': ''[noticing that Ash is not backstage]'' Is Ash coming?
:'''Iris''': Uh...no. Ash said he was watching the matches with Goh. He wants to experience all the stadium excitement firsthand.
:'''Diantha''': That does sound like him. 
:'''Cynthia''': And you didn't wanna watch from the stands with him?
:'''Iris''': Oh, actually...I wanted to ask a favor of both of you. Can we take a selfie? You don't mind, do you? ''[takes out her Rotom Phone]'' 
:'''Cynthia''': I'd be delighted.
:'''Diantha''': Of course, dear. 
:'''Lance''': So Steven, I hear that you know Alain fairly well.
:'''Steven Stone''': We met while searching for rare stones. You know, I hope it doesn't overwhelm him to suddenly be matched against Leon.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Leon's Rillaboom Gigantamaxes! Grookey, being excited, bangs his stick on Goh's head. Now do you understand why Ash can't have a member of the Rillaboom line of his own, fans?!]''
:'''Goh''': Grookey! I'm not a drum, understand?! Stop it!
:'''Hop''': Alright! Let's all rock out to Lee's rhythm!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Alain's Chesnaught gets defeated by Rillaboom's Acrobatics. Acrobatics is a Flying-type move and Chesnaught is 4x weak to Flying as it is a Grass and Fighting type.]''
:'''Steven Stone''': So Leon has the advantage?
:'''Lance''': Yes. Who knew Rillaboom would use Acrobatics? 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Alain summons his Charizard who now has a new Charizardite X Mega Stone]''
:'''Ash''': That's so awesome! We had battle after battle with his Charizard. ''[Yet you did not defeat it because you overused your Kalos team and did not practice your now former Ash-Greninja form enough which cost you the Kalos League. The Mega Evolution specials confirmed that Alain had more practice with his Mega Charizard X]''
:'''Hop''': You have?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Alain summons his Charizard again into battle after his Malamar lost. They sure love the Charizard mirror match, don't they?]''
:'''Alain''': Go Charizard!
:'''Leon''': I'll continue battling with my Charizard. 
:'''Alain''': It's been my dream to battle you two and defeat you! ''[Yeah, not happening...]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Dan''': Alain's Charizard is unable to battle. It's a win for Leon's Charizard, which means the victory goes to Leon! ''[Alain lost the match easily like Trevor did in the XY series. It should be noted that Alain is a League Conference winner and not a region Champion, unlike the other members of the Masters Eight.]''

==Pride of a Champion!==
:'''Ash''': So it is Diantha against Lance. Which shall I cheer for?
:'''Goh''': Ash, does that mean you know both of them?
:'''Ash''': Uh-huh. I even battled Diantha too. ''[That's true, although neither battles Ash had with Diantha were finished. But Ash did let Diantha know he had potential during their battles.]''
:'''Hop''': You're amazing. You're also one of Lee's favorite trainers. That's so cool there's something about you that the Champions find interesting. ''[Hmmm...seems that Ash is also the other Champion's favorite trainers]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Lance''': The time has come! Trainers of the Kanto region! ''[We see Ritchie from the original series make a cameo watching the show. Wonder what he's been up to all this time?]'' Trainers of the Johto region! ''[We see Jackson/Vincent, Marina and Jimmy also watching the game as well.]'' All of you just watch me battle. And you, Diantha, as a Dragon Master, I ask of you to bring only your best to battle my Dragon brigade.
:'''Diantha''': And of course, you're right. The thing that connects us all is our Pokémon and battling itself, I too have a request to all the trainers of the Kalos region. ''[Shauna, Tierno, Trevor and Sawyer are also watching.]'' As I stand here, your dreams and ambitions are with me and so, Lance, I very much am looking forward to seeing how you and your Pokémon shine like the stars!
:'''Lance''': So, shall we begin?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Diantha uses a Light Screen and Reflect combo]''
:'''Iris''': Wow, it's like an aurora!
:'''Steven Stone''': Who knew Light Screen and Reflect, two defensive moves could be combined like that?
:'''Alain''': However, the effect of each move will still vanish over time. It's not permanent. 
:'''Cynthia''': I think Diantha is using it as to pressure Lance. I'd say Diantha is clearly the one in control of this battle. ''[Oh yeah. There's a reason the writers are not letting Lance refight Leon in this match.]''
:'''Leon''': It's still anyone's guess. If he wavered here, she would have beat Lance.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''James''': A Gourgeist, eh?
:'''Meowth''': Jessie caught one in Kalos back in the day.
:'''Jessie''': ''[yawn and uninterested]'' So her second is Gourgeist? ''[Wait a second...]'' A Gourgeist?! That woman calls herself a movie star gets it! Listen up, Gourgeist is being fought!
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobba, Wobba! [That's what we told you!]
:'''James and Meowth''': Yeah, that makes sense...
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Diantha''': Now comes checkmate! Moonblast! ''[Mega Gardevoir complies knocking Lance's Dragonite out.]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': Lance!
:'''Lance''': Ash, hi there. Looks like my challenge has come to an end. Now, do your best. ''[Lance leaves heading back home. That's the best interaction between Ash and Lance you can come up with, writers?!]''

==The Fiery Road to Mastership!==
:'''Ash''': You know, Iris raised that Excadrill from way back when it was still a Drilbur. Man, time can sure fly.
:'''Pikachu''': Pika-pika! [You know it!]
:'''Hop''': Huh?! You know her too?!
:'''Goh''': Ash knows Iris because they traveled through Unova together. He also knows Cynthia really well.
:'''Hop''': What's with you knowing everybody, Ash?! ''[Maybe you should travel around the world and learn more about the Champions just like Ash did]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Diantha''': If Iris is a Dragon-type trainer, then why...
:'''Alain''': ''[as if reading Diantha's mind]'' ...did she bring out Excadrill? ''[Diantha nods in agreement]''
:'''Steven Stone''': I've heard a rumour that she actually trained with Cynthia at one point.
:'''Alain''': Which means they each know the cards the other is holding.
:'''Leon''': It could very well be changing of the guard. This should be interesting.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Cynthia''': Your moves are even sharper than before.
:'''Iris''': That's because of everything you've shown me, Cynthia. ''[cue flashback of Cynthia's training with Iris]'' I simply did what you taught me to do. ''[Drayden is watching the event]'' And now to become part of our strength, lots of connections that made us Champions. ''[Alder, Georgia, Stephan, Bianca and Trip are also watching. You know Trip is the worst main rival of Ash when all he has is a cameo appearance, compared to Gary and Paul who have at least one episode focus in Journeys.]'' And so, I, as the Unova region Champion, on this day, I'll defeat you. ''[We are not having another Ash vs Iris match in the Masters Eight!]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Cynthia''': Standing here, you and I are nothing more than individual Pokémon Trainers, as well as challengers aiming for the top. ''[Volkner and Flint are watching the match outside the Sunyshore Gym with their Electivire and Infernape respectively.]'' We will not pull any punches as I want to test my own limits, you see. ''[Paul is shown to have returned home, after prepping Ash for the Masters Eight tournament, to watch the game with Reggie, who just delivered tea for the two to drink.]'' So I will defeat you and move on! Gastrodon, ACID ARMOR!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''James''': Frilly girl is not bad. She's not that bad at all.
:'''Meowth''': The only reason she got here is because we trained her up.
:'''Jessie''': A bouquet of thinking roses would be kind of nice.
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobbuffet! [I couldn't agree more!]
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Iris''': Now, Haxorus, let's do this!
:'''Haxorus''': HAAAA! [Make your move!]
:'''Cynthia''': ''[noticing Iris is getting better in battles]'' I see. If so...''[whips out her...lipstick? She applies it on the bottom part of her lips]'' I'll use all of my strength and I'll defeat you! ''[One turn of her lipstick reveals her...Keystone?! Uh-oh...]'' 
:'''Iris''': ''[horrified]'' Isn't that...
:'''Ash''': A Keystone?! 
:'''Cynthia''': ''[activates the Keystone and applies her lipstick on the upper lips]'' Garchomp, time for MEGA EVOLUTION!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[the other Masters Eight noticing Cynthia's Mega Garchomp]''
:'''Steven Stone''': That's interesting. She must be serious.
:'''Alain''': True, but Haxorus still has a lot of power right now. This bout is anything but decided.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Iris checks on her defeated Haxorus. Iris, always have at least one battle mechanic to better your odds of winning.]''
:'''Iris''': Haxorus, you really went all out. You're the very best and Dragonite too, and Excadrill too. I love you all.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Ash heads off to the Wyndon Stadium arena, ready to face Steven Stone and to make up for not winning the Hoenn League. As he does, he runs into Iris.]''
:'''Ash''': Iris, I'm sorry.
:'''Iris''': Ash...''[starting to tear up]'' Looks like I lost.
:'''Ash''': I know.
:'''Iris''': Cynthia is really amazing, isn't she? ''[continues crying]'' Incredible...She's amazing! ''[Continues crying...Goh then shows up checking on her as well. Seconds later, Iris cleans up her tears.]'' All better now. Thanks. I know, for Ash's next match, how about we cheer for him together?

==Battling as Hard as Stone!==
:'''Meowth''': Now it's twerp time! Rock and roll!
:'''James''': Battling someone with panache and power.
:'''Jessie''': ''[uninterested]'' I'm not so sure the twerp even has half the chance.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': Okay, Steven! I'm the one advancing to the semi-finals!
:'''Pikachu''': Pikachu! 
:'''Steven Stone''': You don't say, huh? Then I expect great things! I look forward to seeing what kind of battle you'll bring.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Leon''': Show me what you've got, rookie. 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Dracovish uses Fishious Rend to counter Metagross' Agility]''
:'''Ash''': Oh yeah! ''[Just then, Dracovish gets pushed back by Metagross]''
:'''Announcer''': And Fishious Rend holds off the Psychic attack.
:'''Steven Stone''': He predicted that.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': ''[in his mind]'' Paul, my battle with you is already paying off. ''[flashes back to Ash's Gengar's battle with Paul's Metagross]'' Closing in with Agility then using Psychic. I had a feeling you knew how Steven would battle, then you helped me train for it. ''[At home, Paul smiles at Ash's performance, as if to say, &quot;He knows what he's doing.&quot;]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Steven Stone''': Let me tell you. The thing is I am considered the most powerful trainer in the Hoenn region but that's not nearly enough for me. The Pokémon World Coronation Series: it is only when I dominate this event that I can say I am truly the strongest and the best! ''[We see multiple cameos from the Generation III anime: Professor Birch, Drew, Harley, Katie, Morrison, Tyson (keep in mind that Tyson won the Hoenn League but failed to become Hoenn Champion as Steven is Hoenn Champion), Janet, Vito, Kain, Jimmy, and Kelly]''
:'''Diantha''': I've never seen Steven this fired up before. ''[Alain nods in agreement]''
:'''Ash''': And the same for us! 
:'''Pikachu''': Pika!
:'''Ash''': For all the people who cheered me on up until now. ''[We see Chloe, Professor Cerise, Ren, Chrysa, and Mimey watch the show]'' For all of my Pokémon, I will win this for sure! ''[We see Delia, Professor Oak, Tracey, and Ash's reserves.]''  
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Jessie''': Told you the twerp's completely outclassed.
:'''Meowth''': Have you lost it?
:'''James''': Are you mad?
:'''Jessie''': ''[enraged]'' I'M TOTALLY NOT MAD!
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobba wobba wob! [Take it easy!]
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Meowth''': It's Pikachu time!
:'''James''': I smell turnaround!
:'''Jessie''': Pikachu, don't even think about losing! Do you hear me?!
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobba Wobba! [Come on and win this, Pikachu!]
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Steven's Cradily loses to Pikachu]''
:'''Steven Stone''': That was just terrific! Each one of your moves leaves me totally surprised, Ash!
:'''Ash''': It's all because Gengar set it up for Pikachu.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Ash had defeated the Hoenn Champion, Steven Stone, and is now in the semi-finals ready to face Cynthia for the first time. You wanted to fight Cynthia, you got it, Ash!]''
:'''Cynthia''': Ready, Ash? Our match is near...
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': Hey, Steven!
:'''Steven Stone''': You know, Ash. The feelings you have for your Pokémon and the way they respond to you, they gave their all in battle for that. They came together as one and, as a result, created an even greater power. And that's the reason you were able to grasp your victory today. And a spectacular win it was.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Outside Wyndon Stadium, Iris, Steven and Alain are heading back to their home regions...]''
:'''Steven Stone''': Your next opponent is Cynthia. Still, with Pikachu and your other Pokémon, you can win. I believe in you, Ash.
:'''Alain''': I'm certain you can do it. ''[That's the best interaction between Ash and Alain you can do in Journeys, writers?!]''
:'''Iris''': Can't wait for you to tell me all about it!
:'''Ash''': And that's what I am gonna do! ''[Pikachu exclaims in agreement]''

==Infinite Possibilities!==
:''[One day, at the Eevee Evolution Lab, some evolved forms of Eevee are chilling out as a Leafeon pops out a bush]''
:'''Leafeon''': Leaf.
:''[A Flareon chases after it]''
:'''Flareon''': Flare, flare.
:'''Narrator''': This is the Eevee Evolution Lab, where today, Eevee is having a health check up.
:''[Inside the lab, Chloe and her Eevee are with Pinery who is checking Eevee's health]''
:'''Pinery''': ''[Turns round to Chloe]'' Perfect health. Eevee's doing just fine.
:'''Chloe''': That's wonderful.
:'''Chloe's Eevee''': Eevee.
:'''Chloe''': So, how have you and Eevee been spending your time lately?
:'''Chloe''': It's been great, we took a trip to see Sylveon. ''[A flashback occurs]'' And we even performed in a Pokémon Contest Spectacular. Eevee even used Fairy Wind.
:'''Pinery''': You really used Fairy Wind? ''[The camera cuts to Eevee scratching herself]'' I wish I'd seen you two in action.
:'''Chloe's Eevee''': Eevee. Eevee vee vee.
:'''Chloe''': After that, we met the Eevee of a friend who lives in Alola. She's Lana.
:''[A flashback occurs to when Chloe met Lana]''
:'''Lana''': There's one more. The Eevee path.
:'''Chloe''': Hm?
:'''Lana''': Eevee can always just stay Eevee, like Ash's Pikachu.
:'''Chloe''': Ash's Pikachu. You're right. So then there are nine paths available for Eevee. Of course. ''[The flashback ends]'' Lana taught me something back then, about all of Eevee's possibilities.
:'''Pinery''': That's true. She's so right. You and Eevee will decide, if it's Eevee... ''[The evolutions of Eevee appear in a fantasy]'' ...or Vaporeon, Jolteon, Flareon, Espeon, Umbreon, Leafeon, Glaceon, Sylveon. Those are all the evolutions you can choose from.
:'''Chloe''': Right.
:'''Pinery''': Tell me, is Eevee interested in them?
:'''Chloe''': Completely. The thing is, it can't choose. I don't know what to do. Eevee loves every evolved form.
:'''Pinery''': Really?
:'''Chloe's Eevee''': Eevee vee. [Pinery is right, Chloe.]

==It's... Champion Time!==
:''[Dragonite glomps Ash sending the two sliding to where Cynthia is with her Garchomp]''
:'''Cynthia''': Ash, is that you? Dragonite?
:'''Ash''': Hey, Cynthia!
:'''Goh''': Sorry, we interrupted you!
:'''Cynthia''': Don't be. We're just fine. I'd say that enthusiasm means you're making final preparations before our match.
:'''Ash''': Yeah, I am! Does that mean you are too?
:'''Cynthia''': I am. ''[to Garchomp]'' Now, try flying.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Vic''': A partner...my choice? I decided Grookey will be my first Pokémon!
:'''Goh''': You'd pick Grookey? Good choice!
:'''Grookey''': Grookey-key! [Glad to hear!]
:'''Vic''': Then I'd evolve it up to Rillaboom like Leon did, and get it to Gigantamax!
:'''Goh''': Well first, you have to evolve it into a Thwackey.
:'''Vic''': Right! Then we'll use a move that is just as cool as 10 million Volt Thunderbolt!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Vic''': Cynthia, what was your first Pokémon?
:'''Ash''': You know, I don't even think I know that.
:'''Cynthia''': ''[addressing her Garchomp]'' This one here. We've been on many adventures since it was a Gible.
:'''Ash''': Yeah.
:'''Goh''': I thought you could only use Piplup, Chimchar, or Turtwig?
:'''Cynthia''': Right. This one came from an egg.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Cynthia''': With Pokémon Eggs, you never know what will come from them, right? ''[The flashback reveals Cynthia as a little girl with her egg that later became her ace]'' And anticipating what kind of Pokémon will emerge...it's so exciting! I did everything I could to keep it warm. And when the time came, this is who hatched! ''[Her Gible]'' I was beyond overjoyed!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Ash''': Actually, my Lucario came from an egg too! 
:'''Goh''': And a very strange egg it was...
:'''Cynthia''': Strange?
:'''Vic''': What do you mean?
:'''Goh''': It wouldn't hatch. No matter who cared for it. It went to lots of regions and still couldn't figure it out. But then the egg called out to Ash.
:'''Vic''': Whoa!
:'''Ash''': True and then I felt some kind of aura coming from it.
:'''Vic''': They call Lucario, the Aura Pokémon, don't they? You're so awesome!
:'''Cynthia''': Ash, maybe it was waiting for you. 
:'''Ash''': You think so?
:'''Cynthia''': Actually, I've heard rumors. They were talking about that strange egg. So that was you!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Goh''': Ash, over there! Look!
:'''Ash''': Whoa! ''[The scoreboard reveals that Leon only lost Dragapult with Rillaboom being active, while Diantha has Goodra active and lost Gourgeist, Aurorus, Tyrantrum, and Hawlucha. The writers just pulled a &quot;Lost at the League!&quot; on us, didn't they?!]''
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Hop''': ''[seeing that Leon is now in the finals]'' Yeah! All right! Leon's the best!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Vic''': Ash, I wanna have totally cool battles just like Leon!
:'''Cynthia''': You should have lots of adventures first where you catch Pokémon and battle with them.

==Bewitch, Battle, and Bewilder!==
:''[As Cynthia is heading towards the stadium, she runs into Diantha.]''
:'''Diantha''': I'll cheer for you.
:'''Cynthia''': Thanks, Diantha. I promise that I won't let you down.
:'''Diantha''': If anyone breaks Leon's unbeaten streak, it's got to be you. 
:'''Cynthia''': But no pressure, right? I've decided something.
:'''Diantha''': What's that?
:'''Cynthia''': Once this tournament is over, I'm going to retire from battling. ''[This hints that a lot of challengers who fought Cynthia stood no chance against her. Little did Cynthia realize, someone might stand a chance and overpower her...]''
:'''Diantha''': Huh? You're retiring? 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Cynthia summons her Spiritomb]''
:'''Diantha''': That Cynthia, using a Pokémon no one predicted. She now controls the field. 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Cynthia's Spiritomb drains Dragonite of her strength using Dream Eater multiple times]''
:'''Jessie''': You know, that's absolutely vicious!
:'''James''': Didn't I tell you they're strong?
:'''Meowth''': Dragonite's power is slowly drained away.
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobbuffet. [So horrifying.]
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': Dragonite return! ''[recalls Dragonite after recklessly leaving it out in the battlefield open for attacks]'' Sorry. I promise no one else is going to lose that way. 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Cynthia noticing Ash using his Pikachu against her Togekiss.]''
:'''Cynthia''': ''[in her mind]'' I'd say he's trying to change the pace with his number one partner. 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Cynthia summons her Gastrodon into battle]''
:'''Hop''': This isn't good. Electric type attacks won't work on Gastrodon!
:'''Goh''': Cynthia really has Ash figured out. She wants to keep Pikachu from switching out by taking it down right now. 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Diantha''': When it comes to Ash, good or bad matchups make no difference. His attack rhythm is excellent, too. ''[Diantha is really becoming a fan of Ash...]''
:'''Leon''': My kind of match. I love this!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Cynthia''': ''[in her mind]'' Ash has the skill to turn a tight spot into an opportunity. It's wonderful how Pikachu responds to it.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Pikachu is spinning around using Thunderbolt. The technique we all love in Diamond and Pearl, the Counter-Shield, is back!]''
:'''Goh''': Hey, what's going on? 
:'''Hop''': Pikachu's breakdancing! ''[Not exactly]''
:'''Cynthia''': It's a little early for a victory dance. Use Hypnosis! ''[Should have watched Ash's battle against Fantina, Cynthia. Spiritomb complies using Hypnosis at Pikachu, only for it to get countered]''
:'''Announcer''': Spiritomb's Hypnosis move has somehow gotten caught in the Thunderbolt attack and it can't reach Pikachu.
:'''Cynthia''': But how? ''[You forgot about that tactic that Ash and Paul used in the Sinnoh League?!]''
:'''Ash''': Let's finish this! ''[Pikachu's Thunderbolt injures Spiritomb]''
:'''Leon''': It's true! Offense is the best Defense!
:'''Ash''': Cynthia! While we were in Sinnoh, we came up with the Counter Shield technique.
:'''Cynthia''': I remember that one! You demonstrated back in the Sinnoh League! ''[Oh, never mind then]''

==Valor: A Strategic Part of Battling!==
:'''Hop''': A one Pokémon advantage is big and Cynthia's way too tough. 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[The Team Rocket gang race to the front row to check on Ash's progress]''
:'''Jessie''': Hey twerp, what's up? Where did that first round fighting spirit run off to?
:'''Meowth''': You're leaving us in the loser's lurch!
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobbuffet. [Get yourself together.]
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Diantha''': Neither have them used Dynamax or Mega Evolution. 
:'''Leon''': They're not ready yet. It's exactly when to use them that will be the key to victory here.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Ash summons his Dracovish while Cynthia summons her Garchomp]''
:'''Ash''': Garchomp...is it time for Mega Evolution? ''[Cynthia doesn't respond. What hidden tricks does she have?]'' We'll hit it head on! Use Ice Fang!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Cynthia puts her Roserade back into the area and it's all fine?!]''
:'''Ash''': Roserade's not burned now?
:'''Hop''': That's so weird. It was just hit by Gengar's Will-o-wisp. ''[Unless...]''
:'''Goh''': Hold on a second. That must mean Cynthia's Roserade...
:'''Cynthia''': Roserade's ability is Natural Cure. By returning to its Poké-ball, it can heal from things like burns or poison.
:'''Ash''': So that's why you switched it out. Okay, what's my next move?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Cynthia''': ''[in her mind]'' Since you understand how your Pokémon feel, you would do that. But it's exactly what will give me the chance to win! ''[Don't be so sure, Cynthia, until the end of the round...She then exclaims out loud]'' Spirit of water, Milotic, go! ''[Summons her Milotic in battle. Oh dear, Cythina, if only you knew how many Milotic Ash loved to beat up]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Sirfetch'd uses Brutal Swing by throwing his shield like a boomerang, cancelling out Stealth Rock]''
:'''Cynthia''': How can they do that?!
:'''Announcer''': With its extremely high spin rate, Sirfetch'd shield is destroying one Stealth Rock shard after another.
:'''Hop''': Is that even possible?
:'''Goh''': Hey, it's Ash! Stuff like this is where he's at his best!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Diantha''': I thought Garchomp might Mega Evolve, but...
:'''Leon''': She has something else in mind. ''[This makes sense because, besides Iris, Cynthia hung out with Ash more compared to the other members of the Masters Eight, meaning she knows more about how Ash battles.]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Cynthia''': Togekiss, return now! ''[recalls her Togekiss]''
:'''Ash''': Wait, what?
:'''Announcer''': Oh! Another switch out! ''[Nope. The camera reveals that Cynthia has a...]''
:'''Lucario''': Raw? [Is that...]
:'''Ash''': A Dynamax band?!
:'''Pikachu''': Pika! [It is!]
:'''Announcer''': Hey, that's no switch out! 
:'''Cynthia''': Togekiss, soar with white wings! Now Dynamax, let's go! ''[Seconds later, Togekiss enlarges and pops out of the Dynamax Poké-ball. Cynthia knew that Ash would try and fight Mega Garchomp, hence why she threw him off guard.]''
:'''Togekiss''': Togekiss. [You're in trouble now.]

==Whittle While you Work!==
:'''Hop''': I thought Cynthia was going to Mega-Evolve her Garchomp this time.
:'''Goh''': Ash, what's your next step going to be?
:'''Cinderace''': Cinderace! [Don't lose to Togekiss!]
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Noticing that Ash has Mega-Lucario ready for the match]
:'''Diantha''': Now, we'll witness the power of the bond between Ash and Lucario. 
:'''Leon''': Mega-Evolution vs Dynamax. That's what the Masters Eight Tournament is about!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Togekiss reverts back to normal but is still active]''
:'''Diantha''': It seems quite possible that Ash is evolving during this battle as well. 
:'''Leon''': I agree. He's putting on quite a display of Aura power. But facing the Sinnoh Champion, she's not one you beat with power alone. ''[looking at you, Paul, Flint, Aaron, Lucian and others who tried that stunt and failed...]''
:'''Diantha''': Of course, Cynthia...''[recalls Cynthia mentioning about retiring after the Masters Eight tournament to Diantha]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Cynthia''': Hey Garchomp. ''[Garchomp turns her attention to Cynthia]'' Looking at Ash brings back memories of all the wonderful times that you and I had together.
:'''Garchomp''': Garchomp. [I remember.] 
:''[The flashback shows Cynthia and her then baby Gible having fond memories: running through a field, catching a Feebas that later became her Milotic, seeking shelter in a cave in the middle of a rainstorm, Gible becoming Gabite, Cynthia looking at the Dialga and Palkia legends at Amity Square first seen in &quot;Top Down Training!&quot; in the Diamond and Pearl series, Gabite becoming a Garchomp and helping Cynthia win the Sinnoh League and be crowned Champion]''
:'''Cynthia''': When everything we saw was brand new. How we were filled with excitement at the great big world and its legends! As challengers, we tested ourselves in all kinds of situations. That was then...
:'''Garchomp''': Garchomp. [That's true.]
:'''Cynthia''':...but now, we will be the ones to take on Leon! Alright, use Scale Shot!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Ash's Mega-Lucario gets back up but Cynthia's Garchomp is unconcious from the Reversal hit. You know what that means...]''
:'''Dan''': Garchomp is unable to battle! So the victory goes to Ash Ketchum! ''[Yes! You took down the Sinnoh Champion! Now the fans have finally forgiven the writers for Ash's Sinnoh League loss. Wonder how Paul would react to Ash's win against Cynthia?]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Jessie''': Finally, he pulls off an upset that I'm happy about!
:'''James''': Defeating both the Hoenn and Sinnoh Champions means one thing. 
:'''Jessie, James and Meowth''': It's not luck! 
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobbu! [No it isn't!]
:''[Just then, the Rocket gang realized something...]''
:'''Meowth''': We did have a reason for being here, right?
:'''Jessie''': To provide commentary for fun and profit and...
:'''James''': Steal some super strong Pokémon! 
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobbuffet. [Oh yeah, we forgot about that.]
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Cynthia''': Ash.
:'''Ash''': Hm. ''[Cynthia extends her hand towards him for a handshake, which he accepts.]'' Thanks, Cynthia.
:'''Cynthia''': I'm the one who should be thanking you. ''[Ash is confused]'' Watching you and your Pokémon interacting in so many ways. It made me realize just how many things there are still left for me to learn. Thank you, Ash. Truly.
:'''Grookey''': ''[off camera]'' Grookey! [Heck yeah!]
:'''Cynthia''': Let's battle again someday.
:'''Ash''': Sure!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Cynthia leaves the stadium and runs into Diantha again.]''
:'''Diantha''': That was a good battle. 
:'''Cynthia''': Even though I lost...''[giggles a bit]''...I'm taking back my decision to retire.
:'''Diantha''': ''[relieved]'' I thought you'd do that. ''[Did any fans really thought the Sinnoh Champion was going to retire that easy after her loss? Good thing Ash was not aware of Cynthia's retirement plan.]'' 
:'''Cynthia''': Something so exciting and fun. I just can't quit. In battle and in research, there's still a lot left to master.
:'''Diantha''': That's how it should be!

==Just a Scone's Throw From Here!==
:''[Leon summons Eternatus while showing it off to Ash and Goh, much to their shock]''
:'''Sonia''': Surprised?
:'''Goh''': Yeah...''[remembers Eternatus in the Darkest Day arc]'' I mean it was so over the top destructive. That was the reason I had Professor Magnolia take it. 
:'''Sonia''': We decided for the time being, we'd keep it in a place deep underground below the lab. Things is, staying asleep all the time isn't much of a life. 
:'''Professor Magnolia''': Right. Eternatus has a deep connection to Galar particles. The energy that flows through the region, this is how Pokémon cannot be separated from the Galarian way of life. We must all learn to co-exist with Eternatus. 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Goh receives a notification on his phone, much to his shock.]''
:'''Ash''': Goh, what's up?
:'''Goh''': Sorry, Ash. Looks like I won't be able to see your battle tomorrow. That was an emergency communication from Project Mew. I've got to pack up and leave ASAP.
:'''Ash''': Okay. You better go find Mew right away.
:'''Goh''': I will and you better win that match!
:'''Ash''': Got it! ''[If Goh cannot watch Ash's match in person due to Project Mew, then who is going to root for Ash in Goh's place?]''

==A Flood of Torrential Gains!==
:'''Gary''': Hey Goh, it's too bad.
:'''Goh''': Oh?
:'''Gary''': Ash's final Masters Eight tournament match is today, isn't it?
:'''Goh''': It sure is. Even so, I trust that he's going to win. See, we promised each other. Next time we meet, we'll both be smiling. 
:'''Gary''': Yeah, you're right. ''[Okay, so Gary and Goh cannot see Ash's battle against Leon due to Project Mew commitments...make sense]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Backstage, Ash places his Z-ring, Dynamax band and Mega Gloves on. He then faces his Journeys team.]''
:'''Ash''': Hey guys, you ready? Then let's do this! ''[The rest of the Journeys team declare themselves ready for the match.]'' We're gonna win, right?! ''[The team exclaim in agreement. Just then, a Piplup and Eevee run up to Ash and his team. Could it be...?]'' 
:'''Ash''': What? ''[Just then, Dawn and Chloe show up into the backstage area]''
:'''Dawn''': Hi there, Ash! 
:'''Chloe''': Sorry to barge in!
:'''Ash''': Dawn, Chloe! 
:'''Chloe''': We'll both cheer for you and since Goh couldn't make it, I'll cheer on his behalf too. ''[Nice substitutes, but where are the rest of Ash's other companions, not counting Tracey, Goh, and Iris?]''
:'''Ash''': Awesome, thanks a lot.
:'''Chloe''': Besides, I wanted to let Eevee see a live tournament.
:'''Eevee''': Eevee! [You know it!]
:'''Dawn''': I can understand that. I watched all this time on TV, but I just had to be there for this! 
:'''Chloe''': Everyone's cheering for you, back at the lab. Give it you're all, okay?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Hop''': Lee, what's wrong?
:'''Leon''': ''[in his mind]'' Feeling nervous but in a good way. I wonder why am I remembering my first Pokémon battle now?''[reveals flashback of a young Leon facing a young Sonia. This is a foreshadow of what the results are going to be...]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Piplup wearing his old cheerleader outfit from the Diamond and Pearl series. He is showing off his cute cheers to Chloe.]'' 
:'''Chloe''': You are just so cute in that outfit!
:'''Dawn''': Isn't it great? Piplup always cheered like that back in Sinnoh, too.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Announcer''': ''[We see Iris sitting in a tree watching the game on her tablet computer (went home to Unova to resume her Unova Champion duties), Lance is watching the game with Dragonite on his phone, Alain is with Mairin and Professor Sycamore at Sycamore's lab watching the game]'' And now, let's bring our finalists to the field. Ranked 8 in the Masters Eight, the very first Champion of the Alola region and hailing from Kanto, Ash Ketchum! ''[crowd cheering]'' 
:'''Dawn''': If Ash can't do it, no one can! ''[Both Piplup and Eevee are cheering on as well]''
:'''Chloe''': So many people cheering for Ash!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Announcer''': Ever since Ash entered the World Coronation series, he has taken on and defeated a long list of powerful opponents.  ''[Steven is watching the game in a meeting room inside Devon Corporation.]'' Perhaps, the most watched contestant, he even defeated Hoenn Champion, Steven Stone. Ash, then, took on the Sinnoh Champion, Cynthia, and emerged victorious. ''[Both Diantha and Cynthia are watching the game in person in the VIP box. Those two female Champions must now be big fans of Ash...]'' He has used Dynamax, Z-Moves and Mega Evolution, combining them with a Pokémon battling style of his own. So what kind of inspired moves will he make today? Now the one facing Ash. Here's the reigning Monarch with worldwide name recognition. He's the role model and battling goal for Pokémon trainers all over the globe. Ranked no. 1 in the Masters Eight, the Champion of the Galar region, Leon!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Dan''': The finals consists of a six-on-six full battle. There will be no limits on time or switching out Pokémon. The one who leaves all six of their opponents Pokémon unable to battle wins! Also, a contestant is only permitted to use Dynamax, a Z-move or Mega Evolution once per-
:'''Leon''': Hold it! 
:'''Dan''': Leon? 
:'''Leon''': Just once is pretty boring. So come at me using them all, okay?
:'''Ash''': Really?
:'''Leon''': This is the ultimate test of the all out competition! I want to battle with all their power! That's right! And that's why I want all of your Pokémon to hit us with everything we got! Dynamax, Z-moves and Mega Evolution! I want to battle against all of them! I want to challenge them all and beat them all! What about you? Don't you want to see a full power battle?! ''[The crowd cheers loudly which is cool, but we need approval from the officials first, Leon!]''
:'''Hop''': Go Lee! Yeah, that's my brother with the awesome ideas!
:'''Chloe''': What does that mean? 
:'''Dawn''': That means it'll be an amazing match!! Alright, you can do it, Ash!! 
:'''Dan''': ''[contacting the officials of Leon's proposition]'' Yes. Mmm-hmmm. I see. ''[hangs up]'' The officials in charge of the World Coronation series have agreed to Leon's suggestion! Ash, do you agree?
:'''Ash''': You bet! Sounds awesome! ''[Okay! Now we can start the show with this rule!]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Cynthia''': That's something Leon would do.
:'''Diantha''': Yes. This might become the kind of battle we'll never see again. 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Leon summons his Cinderace out while Ash summons his Pikachu.]''
:'''Ash''': I'm counting on you! I want you to be the first on the field.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Leon summons his Inteleon into battle. Leon has all three Galar starters which he must have obtained prior to becoming Champion! Now do you understand why the tradition of giving Ash, a region Champion, new starters has been banned after the Sun and Moon series, fans?! Ash summon his Gengar into the match.]''
:'''Ash''': This time, it's Inteleon?! It's like we're battling Goh's Pokémon!

==Toying With Your Motions!==
:''[Ash summons his Sirfetch'd into battle against Mr. Rime. Uh...]''
:'''Leon''': A Fighting type?
:'''Cynthia''': Against a Psychic type like Mr. Rime. Sirfetch'd is at a disadvantage.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Sirfetch'd uses Fury Cutter on the ice terrain, cancelling out Mr. Rime's field advantage.]''
:'''Announcer''': The energy of Psychic Terrain has been eliminated!!
:'''Mr. Rime''': Huh?
:'''Ash''': That's the way, Sirfetch'd! 
:'''Sirfetch'd''': Sirfetch'd. [That's how I do it.]
:'''Leon''': So that's the reason.
:'''Diantha''': Since it's a Bug-type move, it's capable of destroying a Psychic-type move? ''[You had to watch the Ash vs. Valerie Gym Battle, Diantha, because that is the same tactic Ash used before.]''
:'''Chloe''': I guess not all moves are meant to attack Pokémon.
:'''Dawn''': Yep! That's the way Ash rolls!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Leon's Dragapult strikes Dragonite with Dragon Tail switching Dragonite out for Mega Lucario]''
:'''Announcer''': It happened again with Dragon Tail! This time it forced Mega Lucario onto the field.
:'''Diantha''': It must be hard for Ash to work that way.
:'''Cynthia''': Ash may have more Pokémon remaining, but Leon's the one controlling the pace.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': ''[recalls his Lucario]'' Lucario, return. You gave it all that you had. I already knew Leon's strong! Even if I'm ahead, he catches up!
:'''Sonia''': Leon looks like he's not even trying. 
:'''Chloe''': Oh, Ash.
:'''Dawn''': He'll be fine! No need to worry! 
:'''James''': Dragapult's just too powerful.
:'''Meowth''': This could be bad news for the twerp.
:'''Jessie''': Get it together! We're up here cheering our little lungs out!
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobbuffet! [Get your act together!]

==Paring Pokémon While Parrying!==
:'''Leon''': When I bring out my Grass-type, a lot of opponents tend to use Flying-type attacks. This is how we answer that. 
:'''Dawn''': Offense is the best defense? Seems like Leon is acting a bit like Ash does.
:'''Chloe''': Huh?
:'''Dawn''': Don't you think that both of them have similar battling styles?
:'''Chloe''': Mm. 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Jessie''': Why, you big Champion jerk! 
:'''James''': He keeps grabbing the momentum.
:'''Meowth''': Nope. Pikachu and Dracovish are still in this thing.
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobbuffet! [I'm still worried though!]
:'''Leon''': Ash, thanks to you and your Pokémon, my Pokémon and I are truly living up to our greatest potential. But it's kind of really sad. You have two Pokémon. True, this battle has been great, but it's soon about to end.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[With Rillaboom down, both Ash and Leon have two Pokémon left. Now it's anybody's game.]''
:'''Announcer''': Ash caught up almost immeadiately! ''[Clemont and Bonnie are shown watching the game from the Lumiose Gym. This makes sense because Clemont and Bonnie have to run their Gym together which is why they could not show up to watch the game in person. They also appear to be aware that Ash should keep his guard up, but at least they are rooting for him]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[With Dracovish out, Pikachu is the only one left!]''
:'''Chloe''': Do you think they'll be alright?
:'''Dawn''': They'll be fine! Those two can handle anything!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Leon''': Hey, Ash.
:'''Ash''': Huh?
:'''Leon''': Charizard was my very first Pokémon. It's gone on all of my adventures. My partner from the very beginning. My very first battle. My very first catch. ''[a brief flashback shows a young Leon and his Charmander, alongside Sonia.]'' My very first evolution. Time and time again, it's been there with me.
:'''Ash''': I hear you, Leon. I've gone on every adventure with Pikachu. That's why I want Pikachu to beat Charizard.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Ash is ready to execute Pikachu's special Z-move]''
:'''Leon''': I've been waiting for this!
:'''Announcer''': Here we go! Ash and Pikachu have begun their Z-move!
:'''Ash''': Much bigger than a Thunderbolt! 10,000,000 Volt Thunderbolt! Yeah, this is much, much bigger! At super full power! ''[Ash's Alola team, Alolan companions (Lillie, Rotom Dex, Kiawe, Lana, Mallow, Sophocles) and their mons, Gladion, Professors Kukui and Burnet, Lei, and Principal Oak all watch the battle, rooting for their Alolan Champion. The Alolan companions and Gladion are students, the adults are staff members keeping the Alolan Pokémon school running and Kukui and Burnet have to take care of Lei and Ash's Alola team, which is why they did not appear in person at Wyndon Stadium.]'' 
:'''Pikachu''': Pika, Pika! [Behold our strength!]
:'''Ash''': Pikachu, use 10,000,000 Volt Thunderbolt!

==Partners in Time!==
:''[Eternatus flies around Wydon Stadium and it recharges both Ash and Leon's Dynamax bands and its sprinkling Galar particles around.]''
:'''Sonia''': Eternatus? But why?
:'''Professor Magnolia''': The stability of Galar particles is the stability of the Galar region. Eternatus appears to have just protected everyone of us and the region's peace. ''[Eternatus flies away. Guess Galar does need Eternatus after all.]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Leon''': Amazing! Eternatus gave us a bonus round! ''[showing his Dynamax band glowing.]''
:'''Ash''': Huh? ''[checks his Dynamax band and it is also glowing.]'' Yeah. My Dynamax band.
:'''Pikachu''': Pika? [What does that mean?]
:'''Leon''': I hope you're watching, Eternatus. Charizard return! ''[recalls his Charizard]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Leon''': Cinderace, return. ''[recalls Cinderace]'' You were the best. Great job Gigantamaxing. Alright, Ash! This will decide it! ''[readies Charizard]'' It's time to use our aces! 
:'''Ash''': Yeah! Partner vs partner!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Leon''': You did very well drive someone like me this far! You're helping me become stronger than ever! So, until the last move, I'd say we get even more fired up!
:'''Charizard''': ''[roars]'' [Come and get it!]
:'''Pikachu''': Pika! [Alright, I will!]
:'''Ash''': Thanks to you, we've gotten a whole lot stronger than before, Leon. This battle is the peak of all adventures Pikachu and I have had up until this point. That's why we're gonna win!
:''[During this dialogue, we see Professor Oak, Delia, Tracey and Ash's reserves still watching. The scene cuts to Misty at her gym watching the show (Misty had gym duties which is why she didn't show up at Wyndon). We see Brock, Cilan and Alexa watching (Cilan must have introduced Alexa to Brock). On top of that, Brock is working as a doctor, Cilan has connoisseur duties and Alexa is doing journalism which is why they also didn't appear at Wyndon. The scene cuts to Serena, Lisia, along with...May and Max! Keep in mind that May's Japanese voice actor had retired because of vocal problems and Max's Japanese voice actor retired from the business, which is why they don't have any lines. It's great that the two get to appear in a cameo and become friends with Serena. Also, all of them have performance completely scheduled unlike Dawn who performs on her own time.]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': Pikachu!
:''[Pikachu is getting exhausted. Everyone watching is worried. First Chloe and Dawn. Then Team Rocket. Then Diantha and Cynthia. Next is Misty. Then it goes to Serena holding hands with May who has one hand placed on Max's shoulder. Then Brock and Cilan (where's Alexa?). Next is Iris. Then it cuts to Clemont and Bonnie. Then the Alola cast (minus Sampson Oak?!). Then to Professor Oak, Delia and Tracey. And while Goh did not see the game, he is worried about Ash. Don't give up until it's over, Ash and Pikachu! Think of the times the two inspired their friends, surely they got Ash and Pikachu's back!]''
:'''Ash''': Pikachu!
:''[Pikachu starts to suffer a blackout...Inside the black void...]''
:'''Ash''': It's so cute! It's the best of all! Oh hi, Pikachu! ''[Pikachu zaps Ash. Then the black void becomes a white void. Just then Bulbasaur and Squirtle pop into the frame, followed by Charizard, Pidgeot and Butterfree.]''
:'''Bulbasaur''': Bulbasaur! [You're not giving up, are you?]
:'''Squirtle''': Squirtle! [You can do it, Pikachu!]
:'''Charizard''': ''[pops into the frame]'' Roar! [Get back up!]
:'''Pikachu''': Pi? [Huh?]
:'''Pidgeot''': Pidgeot! [I may not be here, but I know you are not done!]
:''[The rest of Ash's Generation I reserves appears: Mimey, Kingler, Primeape (fans are still mad at the writers for not returning Primeape to Ash), Snorlax, Muk, Lapras, 30 Tauros]''
:'''Mimey''': Mime! Mime! [We're all rooting for you!]
:'''Kingler, Muk, Snorlax, Tauros and Lapras''': ''[all cheer]'' [We got your back! Go, Pikachu, go! Keep up the pace! Don't slow down! Don't collapse on us!]
:''[Then Ash's Johto members: Noctowl, Bayleef, Quilava, Totodile, Donphan and Heracross...along with the Larvitar Ash travelled with but never caught.]''
:'''Noctowl''': Hoot! [Go get em, Pikachu!]
:'''Heracross''': Hera! [Don't stop, Pikachu!]
:'''The Johto Starters''': Quilava! Bay! Totodile! [Get back up! We're rooting for ya! Show me more energy!]
:'''Donphan and Larvitar''': Donphan! Larvitar! [Go, Pikachu! You can do it!]
:''[The next group are Ash's Hoenn/Battle Frontier team of Glalie, Corphish, Sceptile, Torkoal, Ambipom (fans are still mad at the writers for &quot;To Thine own Pokémon be True!&quot; because of Ambipom's release) and Swellow]''
:'''All members''': ''[each gave their exclamation as if to say...]'' [Don't give up! You're still in the running! Don't quit on us! Show your opponent who's boss! I may be not be a member of your team anymore, but I am always with you! Keep going, Pikachu!]
:''[Next up are the Sinnoh members: Infernape, Gliscor, Torterra, Staraptor, Buizel and Gible]''
:'''All Sinnoh members''': ''[all cheering]'' [Get back up! You are not going down that easy! Keep going, Pikachu! You're not going down! You're not through yet! Come on, Pikachu!]
:''[Then there's Ash's Unova team: Unfezant, Oshawott, Pignite, Snivy, Scraggy, Leavanny, Boldore, Palpitoad and Krookodile]''
:'''Ash's Unova members''': ''[all roaring]'' [Give it everything you got! Don't fail us now! Do it for us! You still have some strength left in ya! The game's not over yet! Keep on pushing! Keep battling! Don't quit on us! It's not cool to lose right now!]
:''[Ash's Kalos members are shown next: Greninja, Goodra (fans are still mad at the writers for &quot;Facing the Needs of the Many!&quot; because of these two releases), Talonflame, Hawlucha and Noivern]''
:'''Ash's Kalos members''': ''[all exclaming]'' [Don't give up until it's over! That's what Ash told us! We believe in you! Get back up and fight! Fight with all your might!]
:''[The Alolan Squad is shown next: Rowlet, Dusk Lycanroc, Incineroar, Naganadel, Melmetal and Nebby the Solgaleo]''
:'''Ash's Alola Team''': ''[more exclamation]'' [Come on! You've helped us won the Alola League! Surely, you can win this tournament as well! I'm always there for you in spirit! Don't let us down! Keep going, Pikachu!]
:''[Finally, the Journeys team: Dragonite, Lucario, Gengar, Sirfetch'd and Dracovish]''
:'''Ash's Journeys team''': ''[cheering for Pikachu as well. Ash also appears too]'' [Come on! This is your time to shine! Time to show Leon what you're made of! Keep having at them! Everyone's depending on you!]
:'''Ash''': You see, Pikachu? Everybody's backing us up!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Charizard collapses from exhaustion. You know what that means...]''
:'''Dan''': Charizard is unable to battle! Which means the victory goes to Ash! ''[Congratulations, Ash! You are now the very best like no one ever was!]''
:'''Announcer''': It's decided! We now have ourselves a new Champion! From the Kanto region, born in Pallet Town, Ash Ketchum!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Leon''': ''[enters the centre's wing]'' Look like Pikachu is feeling better. ''[His Charizard takes a look inside]''
:'''Ash''': Leon!
:'''Pikachu''': Pika! [Hey there!]
:'''Leon''': It was a good battle. Lots of fun too. 
:'''Ash''': I've feel the exact same way.
:'''Leon''': It made me think back my very first Pokémon battle. A great time. ''[The flashback revealed that Leon's Charmander lost to a Rookidee owned by Sonia herself. Leon gets upset about this loss.]'' Yet frustrated. Of course, that's what a Pokémon battle really is. From now on, I'm just another challenger. I'll have lots of battles and become even stronger.
:'''Ash''': Me too! I want to have tons of battles!
:'''Leon''': ''[extends his hand]'' Let's battle again sometime.
:'''Ash''': ''[accepts Leon's handshake]'' You got it! ''[Pikachu delivers a friendly headbutt to Charizard]''
:'''Dawn''': It's getting to be about time for the award ceremony, Ash!
:'''Chloe''': Hey Leon, you're coming too, right?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Diantha''': You know. I've suddenly got the urge to have a battle.
:'''Cynthia''': Great. Me too. I'm free. ''[Diantha and Cynthia were right to see a lot of potential in Ash when they met him for the first time.]''

==The Mew From Here!==
:''[Since Ash vs. Leon was happening at the same time, we get to see Project Mew. The Chasers had just landed on the island. Time to start the search but a little sightseeing full of wild Pokémon living there, first.]''
:'''Goh''': Oh. Amazing.
:'''Horace''': Yeah. 
:'''Goh''':This place is teeming with Pokémon life.
:'''Horace''': It's truly a Pokémon paradise.
:'''Quillon''': Let's go. ''[Time to get back to the mission]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[At the mountain base]''
:'''Goh''': Does it have to be that tall?
:'''Horace''': And it gives off a pristine vibe.
:'''Danika''': Ancient fishermen gave it the name of Sharishariima.
:'''Goh''': Sharishari?
:'''Quillon''': A sound like an evil monster attacking humans.
:'''Gary''': One shouldn't even approach a mountain of horrors like that. Wasn't that the message? ''[Sure, unless there is something important to find in that area.]''
:'''Danika''': Geologically, this mountain is very important. It hasn't changed its shape in several hundred million years.
:'''Quillon''': In ancient times, this might have been the axis or the centre of the world.

==In the Palm of our Hands!==

==Heroes Unite!==
:''[While camping out with Grookey, Cinderace, Ash, Pikachu, Chloe, and Eevee, Goh rises from his chair and looks at Ash, preparing to come clean about traveling on his own]''
:'''Goh''': Hey, Ash?
:'''Ash''': Hm? ''[Chloe looks at the duo]'' What's up, Goh?
:''[Goh starts to hesitate, then smiles, unwilling to leave Ash for the sake of their friendship]''
:'''Ash''': Huh?
:'''Goh''': No, it's really nothing. I'm sorry.
:'''Ash''': Okay.
:'''Goh''': ''[looking at the starry night]'' The stars are really pretty tonight, you know?
:'''Ash''': ''[also rising from his chair]'' Goh?
:'''Goh''': Huh?
:'''Ash''': I'm taking another journey. ''[Both Goh and Chloe gasped in shock at what Ash just said]'' I'll be heading out with Pikachu, of course.
:'''Pikachu''': Pika.
:''[Logs burning in the fire begin to tumble still, as Goh looks down, feeling betrayed by Ash's intention to continue his journey without him]''
:'''Goh''': ''[distraught]'' You're heading out... without... talking about it?
:'''Ash''': ''[looking surprised]'' Huh?
:'''Goh''': And you're doing it... without asking anybody?!
:'''Ash''': Hey, Goh?
:'''Goh''': So we weren't... GOOD FRIENDS AFTER ALL!!! ''[tearfully running away from the camp with Grookey and Cinderace, taking his bag with him]'' WE'RE THROUGH!!!
:'''Cinderace''': Cinde!
:''[Ash and Pikachu are left stunned and perplexed by Goh's reaction]''
:'''Chloe''': The thing is... Goh is conflicted.
:'''Ash''': About what?
:'''Chloe''': Taking his own journey.
:'''Ash''': ''[gasps]'' Conflicted, huh?
:'''Chloe''': But he just couldn't decide all by himself. He thought that would betray your friendship. ''[taking her bag with her]'' Maybe you didn't realize how much you mean to him. You're the first real friend he's made.
:''[Chloe leaves the camp with Eevee in search for Goh, while Ash and Pikachu sees them off before going to find Goh as well]''
:'''Ash''': Goh!

==This Could be the Starts of Something Big!==

==The Road Most Traveled!==
:''[Note: Starting in this episode, Ash FINALLY begins to use and rotate his reserves. Unfortunately, this is too little, too late, as the writers should have had Ash used them at the start of the Generation VIII series while building a new team and not make Ash overuse his current team while ignoring the reserves just like he did in Hoenn, Unova, Kalos, Alola and the World Coronation Series. The tradition of Ash overusing his current team, while ignoring the reserves, is now and forever the most hated concept of all time.]''

:''[Both Ash and Pikachu reach a fork in the road. Which route to take?]''
:'''Ash''': So which one should we take?
:'''Pikachu''': Pika. [Let's decide] ''[Ash finds a nearby stick near one of the tree roots.]''
:'''Ash''': Right. This'll decide. How about we go where the leaves point? ''[He tosses the stick in to the air allowing Pikachu to swat it with his tail. The stick spins into the air for a bit before landing and pointing towards the left.]'' To the left! ''[The two start, only for Ash to turn around. Are you for real, Ash?]'' I thought so but I want to go the other way. It just sort of hit me. ''[Pikachu retaliates by zapping Ash's hat off.]'' 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Something invisible has crashed into a lake. Ash, Pikachu, Sceptile, Noivern and Donphan all check it out]''
:'''Ash''': Something's over there. ''[The figure becomes visible and shows off its redness]'' Isn't that? ''[He pulls Latias to the surface]'' Hang in there, Latias. ''[Latias is freaking out and tries to flee only to fail because it is too injured.]'' Stop! Calm down! Please! What's wrong, Latias? I'm sorry I scared you. ''[Both Ash and Latias head towards the lakeshore, only to sink.]'' Buizel! ''[summons his Buizel. Buizel does help push Latias to the shore.]'' Hey, thanks, that's awesome.

==A Fated Face-Off!==

==Must be our Heroes and the Witch!==
:'''Kathy''': Thanks for your patience. Here's some sandwiches and a dish of some special Pokémon food.
:'''Ash and Misty''': Wow! Time to dig in!
:'''Ash''': The yummiest!
:'''Misty''': The best!
:'''Ash''': But I feel like I've tasted something like this before.
:'''Misty''': I was just thinking the exact same thing.
:'''Ash''': These are the most delicious things I've had. ''[At this point, Kathy is carrying a couple drinks on a tray and passing by hearing the two's conversations]''
:'''Kathy''': Why thank you. Mr. Chef, you're being praised! Come on out!
:'''Brock''': Ah ha. Thank you so much. ''[What on earth are you doing here?! Shouldn't you be working as a doctor?]''
:'''Ash and Misty''': Hey, it's Brock!
:'''Brock''': Ash! Misty! ''[Pikachu jumps onto Brock's shoulder]''
:'''Pikachu''': Pikachu! [Hello again, Brock!]
:'''Brock''': Nice to see you, Pikachu.
:'''Misty''': Brock, so what are you doing here?
:'''Brock''': What does it look like? I've taken a job here as the restaurant's head chef, of course. ''[Oh, you have got to be kidding the fans!]''
:'''Misty''': But you're a Pokémon doctor!
:'''Brock''': I chose this! I'm devoting my life to helping her all she does.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Brock''': ''[upon learning that Kathy has a fiancee]'' I was on fire, now I'm burned out.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[A voice off-camera recognizes Ash. Could it be...]''
:'''Cilan''': Huh? Ash? ''[Both Ash and Misty turn their attention to Ash's former Unova companion]''
:'''Ash''': Cilan!
:'''Cilan''': It really is you! ''[Ash and Cilan shake hands]''
:'''Both Ash and Cilan''': Long time! 
:'''Misty''': You're the one who gave Ash that lure.
:'''Ash''': Meet my good friend from a bunch of journeys. You'll love her!
:'''Misty''': I am Cerulean Gym Leader, Misty, with beauty known around the world!
:'''Cilan''': But of course. A sensational sister of Cerulean City. ''[Fans think only Daisy deserves the title, not Lily and Violet.]''
:'''Misty''': They're my three older sisters.
:'''Cilan''': Sisters? So Sensational sisters and a side of weak tea...
:'''Misty''': WEAK TEA?! ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A FIGHT?!
:'''Cilan''': Uhhh...that wasn't what I meant.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Cilan''': It's Brock!
:'''Misty''': You know him?
:'''Cilan''': We became friends in the Johto region just a little while back. We watched your final match together. Oh yeah, congrats on the win! ''[There was an undubbed post Black and White episode where Cilan did meet Brock]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jessie''': The Twerps are history! Where did they go?
:'''James''': How unusual. They were headed this way...
:'''Meowth''': If this keeps up, I'll never get the sweet head pat rewards from the loving hands of the Boss.
:'''Jessie''': Moving up to division leadership!
:'''James''': Social advancement and a party!
:'''Meowth''': Full tummies!
:'''Team Rocket''': We want food!
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobbuffet!
:'''Hattrem''': Hatt...
:'''Jessie''': Oh, wait. Who is that Pokémon?
:'''James''': Hattrem!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Brock''': With this, I've discovered I'm still going to need a lot more experience. So, I'll travel with Ash and crew and train up my heart the right way. ''[Now, that's what fans are talking about. Don't give up on your doctor job.]''
:'''Ash''': Wow, another good friend is coming along.
:'''Misty''': That means we'll have great food!
:'''Ash''': Yeah and meals Brock and Cilan make are totally awesome.
:'''Cilan''': As much as I appreciate the compliments, I'm on my own from here.
:'''Ash''': Huh? You're not travelling with us?
:'''Cilan''': Ingo and Emmett will be holding an event to unveil a brand new train car and I really have to be there! There will be a new lunchbox!
:'''Ash''': Really? Then let's meet up again!
:'''Cilan''': And best wishes! Take good care!
:'''Ash''': Best wishes for a great journey!

==Bearing Down Easy!==
:'''Ash''': Guys, I think that Beartic may be having trouble using its Ice type powers.
:'''Misty''': Really? It made some pretty good ice pillars.
:'''Brock''': That isn't what Beartic intended to do. It's strange, but it only seems to be freezing things when it's startled or scared.

==A Squad Worth of Passion!==
:'''Jessie''': What a racket! What's the problem?
:'''Meowth''': It's the twerp replay.
:'''James''': You don't think they came to reassess the Squirtle Squad, do you?
:'''Jessie''': Stop, that's not even half a joke!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Misty''': ''[drags Brock away with Croagunk's help. Hey, seems Croagunk and Misty share something in common!]'' Yeah, yeah, fate's had enough of your world, thank you.
:'''Brock''': The double broken heart is twice as painful.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[As the Squirtle Squad leave for another trip on firefighting business, a large crowd is running towards Ash and the gang. Wait a second...]''
:'''Girl''': Hey, wait for us!
:'''Ash''': They're Squirtle's fans! ''[True, but they're not here for Squirtle...]''
:'''Brock''': That's popularity.  
:'''Random fan''': I knew it! It's Ash the Champion! ''[Hey, Ash is finally acknowledged as the World Champion!]'' 
:'''Ash''': Oh, you mean me?
:'''Pikachu''': Pika. [Yes, you.]
:'''Brock''': We sure have a popular one right here.
:''[The crowd surrounds Ash asking for his autographs. This might take a while...]''
:'''Pikachu''': Pika! Pika! [Hey, take it easy!]
:'''Ash''': Why are they doing this to us?!

==The Same Moon, Now and Forever!==

==Ride, Lapras, Ride!==

==Getting to the Heart of it All!==

==Rocket Revengers!==
:''[Delibird throws several Poké Balls into the air.]''
:'''Team Rocket''': Huh?
:''[Could it be...? It is! It's Team Rocket's old Pokémon that were left at HQ: Yanmega, Seviper, Woobat, Frillish, Gourgeist, Mime Jr., Yamask, Inkay, Amoonguss and Carnivine! Each of Team Rocket's old Pokémon announce themselves.]''
:'''Yanmega''': Yan-Yan! [Hello again!]
:'''Seviper''': Seviper! [Long time no see!]
:'''Woobat''': Woobat-Woobat! [Did you miss us?]
:'''Frillish''': Frillish-Frillish! [It's great to be back!]
:'''Gourgeist''': Gourgeist-Gour! [What's up?]
:'''Mime Jr.''': Mime-Mime-Mime-Mime! [Just like good old days!]
:'''Yamask''': Yamask! [Ready to work!]
:'''Inkay''': Inkay-Ink! [I'm in for some more fun!]
:'''Amoonguss''': Amoonguss! [Love the surprise?]
:'''Carnivine''': Carnivine! [It's going to be delightful!]
:'''Morpeko''': Mor-Morpeko. [You must be the other mons Jessie and James mentioned.]
:''[Team Rocket cheered in excitement at seeing their old Pokémon again. Just like the good old days!]''
:'''Jessie''': Dear Frillish, and Gourgeist and Woobat and Yanmega! Seviper! Dearies! ''[Her Pokémon are cuddling her quite well.]''
:'''James''': Inkay, Mime Jr., Amoonguss, Dear Yamask! Chomp down, Carnivine! ''[James' mons are cuddling him as well with Carnivine biting James' head.]''
:'''Meowth''': Nothing like a Pokémon party to rock the house!
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobba-Wobbuffet! [I sure miss those guys!]
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Delibird also summons a golden statue of Giovanni as well. The eyes on the statue turn blue to indicate that Giovanni is contacting them through the statue]''
:'''Giovanni''': Jessie, James, Meowth.
:'''Jessie, James, Meowth''': Giovanni, sir!
:'''Giovanni''': I want you to take responsibility for the Pokémon you have caught up to this point. ''[Wish you done that earlier, instead of having them use the Rocket Prize Master, Giovanni?]''
:'''Jessie, James, Meowth''': Yes, sir!
:'''Giovanni''': That is all. ''[The statue explodes]'' 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Jessie''': It brings back memories and this face and that face and of all our assignments. ''[a fantasy version of Weezing, Arbok (both released in Hoenn to protect the wild Koffing and Ekans), Victreebel (traded away for another Weepinbell by the Magikarp salesman before they both got released in Johto), Dustox (released in Sinnoh to mate with a Shiny Dustox), Lickitung (Jessie accidentally traded her Lickitung for Benny's Wobbuffet in Johto), Chimecho (James left it behind in one of his summer cottages after Chimecho was too ill to continue), Cacnea (given away to Gardenia in Sinnoh to master Drain Punch), Mareanie and Mimikyu (both left behind in Alola) all appear. So when are the Rocket Gang going to reunite with them again, not counting Mareanie and Mimikyu?]'' 
:'''Meowth''': I hope they are feeling all the love.
:'''Jessie''': For the sake of those who did their love and best...
:'''James''': And for the sake of giving the boss a tiny bit of peace...
:'''Both Jessie and James''': We'll get our hands on Pikachu, that's what we'll do!
:'''Meowth''': And we'll let the world know Team Rocket's Revenge Mission is riding again!
:'''Jessie''': That makes us sound like real villains!
:'''James''': Totally nasty!
:'''Meowth''': All we need are the details of a plan.
:'''James''': Pick me, please! I've got some rocking plans! Right, Mime Jr.?
:'''Mime Jr.''': Mime-Mime! (Right, James!)
:'''Jessie''': Perhaps you'd like to explain it now, Mr. Plan Maker.

==Ash and Latios!==

==The Rainbow and the Pokémon Master!==
:''[Note: This is the last episode where Ash and Pikachu are the main protagonists.]''
:'''Tracey''': Ash! Pikachu!
:'''Ash''': Good morning, Tracey!
:'''Pikachu''': Pikachu. [Morning, Marill.]
:'''Marill''': Ma-marill [Hi, Pikachu.]
:'''Ash''': Where are you going?
:'''Tracey''': I got to run an errand for the Professor, so I'll be out for a while. Take over while I'm gone.
:'''Ash''': Sure. Leave it to me. Have Charmander, Squirtle and Bulbasaur arrived? The Professor said I could see them before they go to new trainers.
:'''Tracey''': They've arrived a while ago. The Professor will be giving them checkups.
:'''Ash''': Gotta see that! Pikachu, let's go! ''[Both Ash and Pikachu head to the lab]''
:'''Tracey''': Well, Marill. Let's be on our way too. 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Gary''': Hey thanks for finding Charmander. I'm the one who grabbed these three guys to the lab.
:'''Ash''': Oh really, that was you? Lucky you, huh? You got to go explore!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': Heading out already?
:'''Gary''': I may not look it, but I'm pretty busy. Oh hey, Ash. I still haven't mentioned it yet. Congratulations on being champ.
:'''Ash''': Uhhh...thanks a lot, Gary. 
:'''Gary''': So, now that you're the Champion, just how close are you to becoming a Pokémon Master? ''[Ash is confused, but Gary has faith that Ash will figure it out.]'' Later. ''[leaves the lab with his Umbreon.]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': ''[noticing his Pidgeot that he released at the end of the Indigo League run. Took you long enough, writers.]'' Pidgeot! You saved us!
:'''Jessie''': What's going on?
:'''Meowth''': I think the twerp's Pidgeotto evolved. ''[The Rocket gang freak out by this revelation]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': You saved us, Pidgeot! Thanks a lot!
:'''Pikachu''': Pika-pika! [Glad you're back!]
:'''Pidgeot''': Pidgeot! [Anytime!]
:''[Just then, Pidgeot's flock of wild Pidgey and Pidgeotto arrive]''
:'''Pikachu''': Pika! [Look at that flock!]
:'''Ash''': Is it me, or is everybody bigger than last time?
:'''Pidgeot''': Geot! [Oh, they've grown up and gotten stronger!]
:'''Pidgeotto''': Geottot-Pidgeotto! [Go be with your trainer again. We're old enough to take care of ourselves!]
:'''Pidgeot''': Pidgeot! [Take care then!]
:'''Pikachu''': Pika? [Do you...?]
:'''Ash''': Wanna come travel with me again?
:'''Pidgeot''': Pidgeot! [Yes! I am long overdue for one!]
:''[The flock bid farewell to Pidgeot assuring that they can run the forest quite well on their own. Pidgeot bids farewell to his former group as well before returning to Ash, finally fulfilling the promise that Ash would come back for Pidgeot.]''
:'''Ash''': Pidgeot, it's so awesome to have you back!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': Pikachu.
:'''Pikachu''': Pi? [Yes?]
:'''Ash''': Remember what we saw Gary the other day?
:'''Pikachu''': Pikachu? [What about it?]
:'''Ash''': He asked me... he asked me how close I got into becoming a Pokémon Master. Being Champion isn't my goal. The thing is I still think of myself as a challenger. I wanna go on a lot more adventures, meet lots more Pokémon, and take everything I learned every day and put it to good use. That includes meeting Latios.
:'''Pikachu''': Pika. [I see.]
:'''Ash''': The thing is... I wanna be friends with all of the Pokémon in the world. That's what it means to be a Pokémon Master.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Last lines]''
:'''Ash''': Hmm. Which way do you wanna go?
:'''Pikachu''': Pika. ''[spots a twig]'' Pi?
:'''Ash''': Huh?
:'''Pikachu''': Pika!
:''[Pikachu picks up a twig and gives it to Ash. Then Ash tosses it into the air to decide which way his journey will take him and Pikachu next. Farewell, Ash, until we meet you again...]''

[[Category:Japanese TV shows]]
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      <text bytes="106957" sha1="dv3t4q7s38t0pnz06ztn7t7p4u2ibvi" xml:space="preserve">----
{{Pokémon header}}
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This is a list of episodes in Pokémon Ultimate Journeys: The Series, the twenty-fifth season of the Pokémon animated series (ポケットモンスター Poketto Monsutā?, Pokét Monsters), covering the adventures of series protagonist Ash Ketchum and his new travelling companion Goh as they travel around the Pokémon world, based at the Cerise Research Laboratory in Vermilion City in the Kanto region.

==The Spectral Express!==

==The Winding Path to Greatness==

==It's All in the Name!==
:''[Note: This episode is dedicated in memory of Ren's voice actor, Billy Kametz, who passed away on June 9, 2022, shortly after recording this episode]''

:'''Ash''': Hey, whatcha got in the box, Ren?
:'''Ren''': After being out for repairs, it's finally back. A lamp that Francois really loves! ''[after plugging it in]'' Come on out! It's lunchtime!
:'''Francois/ Magnemite''': Magnemite! [Alright!] ''[begins absorbing the electricity from the lamp]''

==Suffering the Flings and Arrows!==
:''[Note: This episode was to apologize to fans for making Erika a jerk and an irresponsible Gym Leader in the original series. Granted, Ash was rude back then, but still. As of this episode, fans have finally forgave the writers for this serious offence in the original series.]''

:'''Erika''': Welcome to the Celadon Gym. Nice to meet you. My name is Erika, the Gym Leader.
:'''Ash, Goh and Chloe''': Hi there, it's a pleasure to see you.
:'''Erika''': Thank you. ''[recognizes Ash]'' Oh my, don't I know you?
:'''Ash''': ''[a bit nervous]'' That's right, I'm Ash.
:'''Erika''': I recognize you now. Hi Ash! ''[cut to flashback where Ash rescued her Gloom from the fire]'' You helped rescue all the Pokémon after the Gym caught fire. I want to thank you again. You did a really wonderful thing!
:'''Ash''': Aww...
:'''Goh''': Ash, you really did that? ''[It does hint that neither Ash nor Erika were proud of making a bad first impression of each other since they don't mention the issues that caused the Celadon Gym to get caught on fire to Goh or Chloe]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Goh has decided to decorate flowers on Pinsir to make Heracross and Pinsir a happy couple, only to attract the attention of Erika]''
:'''Erika''': A happy couple?! ''[starts to get mad. Don't you remember what you did wrong in the original series when you acted like that?!]'' Could it be you want to use Pokémon flower arranging for romance?!
:'''Goh''': ''[getting nervous]'' Uhhh...well, it's just that... ''[in his mind]'' Am I doing this for the wrong reasons?!
:''[a brief stare down later]''
:'''Erika''': ''[getting cheerful again...whew]'' I think that's wonderful! A trainer would want to see their Pokémon be happy! I insist that you two allow me to help you out!

==The Good, The Bad and The Lucky!==
:''[Note: Since fans were curious as to why Cassidy and Butch were replaced by Matori at the end of the Diamond and Pearl series, fans get to know what became of the two]''

:'''Cassidy''': Relax, it's not going anywhere and there's more where that came from.
:'''Raticate''': Raticate! [Please, enjoy!]
:'''Jessie''': This is scrumpty! 
:'''James''': It's not everyday that a complete stranger would come and save our lives! ''[suddenly recognizes Cassidy]'' Time out! I've seen you before!
:'''Cassidy''': Normally, I wouldn't respond to that but I'll be glad to show you who you are dealing with.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The Team Rocket learn that the cafe owner is none other than Cassidy!]'' 
:'''The Gang''': Cassidy?!
:'''Jessie''': What are you doing in a place like this?!
:'''James''': I venture in a guess that you are on some super secret Team Rocket mission! Am I right?
:'''Cassidy''': Missed it by a mile. I quit. ''[The gang are confused]'' 
:'''Jessie''': My leg's been pulled by a mile quite enough.
:'''Cassidy''': Team Rocket was part of my life but it wasn't all. 
:'''James''': Things besides Team Rocket?
:'''Meowth''': Just what do you mean?
:'''Cassidy''': It's true we were elite members, miles above you, but all those failed mission reports- awful! The grind had simply worn us down.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[A familiar face and voice steps out of the bakery. It's Butch who also quit Team Rocket!]''
:'''Butch''': ''[excited]'' We have customers? ''[shocked to see Jessie, Wobbuffet and Meowth]'' IT CAN'T BE YOU!
:'''Jessie''': So, who are you?
:'''Butch''': Normally, I wouldn't answer that but I'm glad to show you...''[the gang freak out]''
:'''Jessie''': Botch, it's you!
:'''Butch''': The name's Butch, okay?! The name is BUTCH!
:''[Later, Jessie, Wobbuffet and Meowth are enjoying bread Butch gave them]''
:'''Jessie''': Yum! What is this?
:'''Meowth''': It rocks my world!
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobbuffet! [So delicious!]
:'''Butch''': Ehh...to tell the truth...
:'''Jessie''': Don't say another word. All those lousy, loser reports and the grind had simply worn you down, right?
:'''Butch''': ''[a bit annoyed]'' Look, it's my story to tell so let me talk.
:'''Meowth''': Cassidy gave us the lowdown.
:'''Butch''': Huh? You already met with her?
:'''Jessie''': Butch, we like to pay for that yummy food you gave us by working for it.
:'''Butch''': THE NAME IS BOTCH! ''[realizes that Jessie pronounced his name correctly]'' Hmmm...she's right.

==Lighting the Way Home!==
==An Evolution in Taste!==
==Out of Their Elements!==
==Battling Turned Up to Eleven!==
:''[Ash and Goh arrived in Spikemuth after being tricked by Team Yell that the World Coronation series match is here. The city is dark and empty. Not a good place to have a World Coronation series match...]''
:'''Ash''': We're going to have a battle here? ''[Even Pikachu is baffled]''
:'''Goh''': Yep, apparently the directions Team Yell gave us lead right to this location. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Piers''': ROCK AND ROLL! ''[while practing with his Rillaboom, two Toxtricity and Obstagoon]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Both Pikachu's Thunderbolt and Toxtricity's Discharge attacks cancel each other out]''
:'''Ash''': Hey, that wasn't nice!
:'''Piers''': We're in the middle of a rehearsal, so no one is allowed inside.
:'''Goh''': But hold on, isn't this a gym? 
:'''Piers''': It's our gym, it's our stage. Spikemuth Gym. I'm the Gym Leader here, a real genius with Dark types. Mournful Piers is what the fans call me! Now meet the band! On backing vocals, Obstagoon! ''[Obstagoon screams like the band members of KISS]'' On drums, Rillaboom! On guitar, Toxtricity (Amped form)! On bass, Toxtricity (Low-key form)! 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Ash''': I'm here for the World Coronation series! My name is Ash! I'm battling today! 
:'''Piers''': Wait, your name is Ash? Are you in the Ultra Class? And you are from the Kanto region?
:'''Ash''': Right, so you're saying you've heard of me?
:'''Goh''': Wow Ash! You're famous!
:'''Piers''': That's weird. Marnie should be waiting for you over at Wyndon Stadium.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[A weary Piers sighs in annoyance, hinting that Team Yell has a bad habit of sabotaging Marnie's opponents. Good thing Piers is a Team leader that is not a villain.]''
:'''Piers''': They're part of our crew. Sorry if they messed you up.
:'''Ash''': So, how do you know about Marnie?
:'''Piers''': She's my little sister.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Marnie''': No, I can't do that! ''[accept a default win]'' I want a real battle, you hear me? I'm gonna wait.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Marnie learns that her fanclub, Team Yell, attempted sabotage from Ash]''
:'''Marnie''': ''[to Team Yell]'' SHUT YOUR BIG YAPS! ''[to Ash]'' Hey, did that lot really lie to you?
:'''Ash''': Uh-huh. They said the match was somewhere else. Thankfully, Piers drove me here, himself.
:'''Marnie''': My bro did that?
:'''Team Yell grunt''': We really wanted you to win, Marnie! You win and it'll help Spikemuth out, don't you see that?
:'''Marnie''': Not if I win that way! ''[The Team Yell grunts all freak out. You know you did wrong when your idol chews you out for your actions]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Marnie does the friendly smile pose just like in the games]''
:'''Marnie''': Thanks for today. I loved our match. But mark my words, Ash. I won't lose again! 
:'''Ash''': ''[nods in agreement and shakes Marnie's hand]'' We'll both do our best!
:'''Pikachu''': Pikachu! [Take care, Marnie!]

==Meeting Up with the Monarch!==
:''[two kids are running to watch the show]''
:'''Boy 1''': We got to hurry, Leon's battle has already started! 
:'''Boy 2''': Yeah, I know!
:'''Ash''': Huh, Leon's having a battle! Wait a second! Hang on.
:'''Boy 1''': Huh? You beat Marnie yesterday!
:'''Boy 2''': We saw it all! You were really strong! ''[hmmm...Ash is sure becoming more famous...]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Flint''': ''[recalls his defeated Infernape]'' That's why you're the Champion. Thank you. ''[shakes Leon's hand. Back to training, Flint...]''
:'''Leon''': Good battle. Let's do it again. ''[sounds a lot like Ash would say...]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Goh asks Sonia about what Leon is like]''
:'''Sonia''': Let me see...He can't sit still when he sees a Pokémon, kind of like a really big kid who just loves all of them.
:'''Goh''': A kid who really loves Pokémon? You know, that sounds just like Ash.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Goh questions Sonia about Leon's early life]''
:'''Sonia''': I'll tell you. Leon didn't have many friends when he was small. 
:'''Goh''': Really, why is that?
:'''Sonia''': He was probably too busy caring for his little brother [Hop] or doing chores which didn't leave him much time to play with his classmates. But I was his friend, so he saw me now and again. But one day, he befriended Charmander. And as he learned about Pokémon battles, suddenly friends, rivals, and all sorts of people surrounded him. I guess you could say that Pokémon truly expanded Leon's world! 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The drawback of being a Champion.]''
:'''Ash''': Hey Leon, what's it like to be a Champion, anyways?
:'''Leon''': ''[a bit glum]'' I'm scared all the time.
:'''Ash''': Huh?
:'''Leon''': I've never lost a Pokémon battle before. And that scares me a lot. I'm scared I reached my limit and I can't grow anymore, that I can't get any stronger than I am now. ''[cut to a flashback of the Darkest Day arc]'' But when that happened...
:'''Ash''': ''[flashback]'' The sky!
:'''Goh''': ''[flashback]'' Could that be Eternatus?
:'''Leon''': ''[continuing the narration]'' I tried, but I couldn't put a scratch on Eternatus. ''[goes back to the present]'' I was frustrated but excited at the same time. There are still many in this world that are much stronger than I am. But, I'm still chasing after them! I've got a lot of work to do to grow stronger!

==A One-Stick Wonder!==
:''[Note: Many fans still insist that Ash should have gotten Thwackey as to make up for not getting Grookey and continue the tradition of giving Ash a starter. However, current generation starters are not allowed to double up between main protagonists because it will get confusing and people will accuse the writers of playing favourites. Also, Ash is still a region Champion thus giving a starter will still be seen as a large downgrade in Ash's skill]''

:'''Goh''': The Wild Area offers a chance to catch unlimited Pokémon! Or at least that's what I thought...''[it's revealed that Grookey ruined Goh's chance of getting an Applin, causing it to run away]'' Grookey, you could be a little less rambunctious.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Goh notices that the Thwackey has only one stick instead of two]''
:'''Goh''': Huh? It should have two sticks. ''[The one-stick Thwackey runs off]''
:'''Ash''': Oh look, it's getting away!
:'''Goh''': ''[throws the Pokéball at the Thwackey. Really, Goh?! You can't be bothered to evolve your own Grookey?!]'' Poké-ball, go! ''[Thwackey swats it away]'' What are you- ''[rightfully gets hit in the face with the Poké-ball.]''

==Battling in the Freezing Raid!==
==The Future is Now, Thanks to Strategy!==
:''[As Ash heads to Lumiose Gym, he sees a television that is promoting an upcoming event which is none other than Ash's World Coronation series match against Drasna, the Dragon-type user of the Kalos Elite Four]''
:'''Announcer on TV''': It's the Pokémon World Coronation Series Ultra Class! And for tomorrow's match, we'll bring you the 12th ranked competitor, Drasna! And...''[Ash's face appears on the television screen much to Ash &amp; Pikachu's shock]''
:'''Ash''': Ahhh! That's me!
:'''Announcer on TV''': A rising star from Kanto who has been climbing his way up the ranks at number 15, Ash! It's almost time, right, Drasna? ''[Nice that Ash is getting acknowledgement for his accomplishments, yet they still don't mention that he's Alola Champion?]''
:'''Drasna''': I believe Ash is extremely talented which makes me very happy to compete against him!
:'''Announcer on TV''': Well, folks, you heard it here first. We've been speaking to Drasna. Thanks again! ''[The report ends and cuts to a picture of Diantha and her Gardevoir.]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Ash''': Clemont!
:'''Pikachu''': Pika! (Clemont!)
:'''Clemont''': Ash! Pikachu! Great to see you!
:''[Pikachu goes up to Luxray and they bump fists, which are sparking electricity.]''
:'''Pikachu''': Pikachu! (Hey, Luxray!)
:'''Luxray''': Luxray. (Long time no see, Pikachu.)
:'''Clemont''': Your opponent really surprised me! You're battling ''the'' Drasna of the Elite Four!
:'''Ash''': Uh-huh! And my Pokémon are so psyched!
:'''Clemont''': So, for old time's sake...
:'''Both Ash and Clemont''': Everybody, come on out! ''[Ash's team appears alongside Clemont's Chespin and... his newly evolved Diggersby!]''
:'''Clemont''': ''[Dragonite excitedly hugs Clemont]'' Wow! It's Dragonite! ''[Dracovish starts nibbling on Ash's head]'' Who's that Pokémon?!
:'''Ash''': Its name is Dracovish. It was restored from fossils found in Galar! I think it's kinda rare.
:'''Clemont''': Hi! Nice to meet you!
:''[Ash notices that Clemont's Bunnelby is now a Diggersby, who is playing with Pikachu and Chespin]''
:'''Ash''': Diggersby?
:'''Clemont''': Right! My Bunnelby finally evolved!
:'''Diggersby''': Diggersby! Diggersby! (What do you think? Like my new look?)

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Goh''': Now, the route from here to Lumiose City Gym…
:'''Bonnie''': I'm going to Lumiose City Gym, too!
:'''Goh''': Really?
:'''Bonnie''': It's my brother's gym.
:'''Goh''': Nice. Your brother?!
:'''Bonnie''': Yeah!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Somewhere in the Castle of Chivalry, Drasna and her Altaria are practicing with Wikstrom and Escavalier...]''
:'''Drasna''': Just the cutting edge I expect. Great, Wikstrom!
:'''Wikstrom''': I return the words of praise. I'll never lower my guard!

==Taking Two For The Team!==
:'''Wikstrom''': Madam Drasna has truly been looking forward to offering you her greetings.
:'''Drasna''': Nice to meet you. Now Altaria, please say hello, too.
:'''Altaria''': Altaria! [Hello!] ''[begins spinning around]'' Taria! Taria! Altaria! [Wee-hee-hee! It's a pleasure to meet you!]
:'''Drasna''': Simply beautiful! Altaria is my number one Pokémon partner. We both wish you and yours the very best!
:'''Ash''':  ''[nervously]'' Gee, thanks! Right backatcha! Let's have a great match! ''[extends his hand to Drasna]''
:'''Drasna''': ''[accepts the handshake]'' I've done quite a bit of research on your battle history. ''[starts to crush Ash's hand...and gets a bit sinister]'' However, your series of easy wins is over as of this day. 
:'''Pikachu''': Pi! Pi-Pika? [Yikes, she's that threatening?!]
:'''Drasna''': ''[reverts to her cheery self]'' And so I bid you a good day! ''[heads off to the stadium with her Altaria. We all know Ash's bad track record when battling Elite Four members up until this point.]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Drasna''': What did you think of them, Altaria?
:'''Altaria''': Altaria! [They don't scare us!]
:'''Drasna''': Today's battle looks to be most enjoyable.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Goh''': She looks like a nice person.
:'''Grookey''': Grookey-key! [My thoughts exactly!]
:'''Clemont''': Not a chance. She fools everyone with that smile of hers.
:'''Bonnie''': And you can trust what my brother says. He didn't stand a chance against her!
:'''Dedenne''': Denne! [That bad!]
:'''Clemont''': You could've stopped before the last part!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Dracovish tries to use Ice Fang but Altaria counters with Cotton Guard causing Dracovish to fly backwards. Altaria is 4x weak to Ice...what is going on here?]''
:'''Drasna''': Aren't those feathers wonderful? They're protection for Altaria from high damaging hits. ''[Ash growls in frustration]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Dracovish uses Water Gun to soak Mega Altaria and cancel Sky Attack]''
:'''Drasna''': ''[opens her eyes where it is revealed they are black just like her hair]'' Alright, now you've done it!
:'''Ash''': Alright! Wrap it up! Use Dragon Rush!
:'''Clemont''': ''[senses something wrong since Ash never fought a Mega Altaria before]'' Don't do that, Ash! NO!
:''[Dracovish does hit Mega Altaria but it causes Dracovish to fly backwards again. Pikachu exclaims in shock. You know what that means...]''
:'''Ash''': Didn't do a thing!
:'''Announcer''': Mega Altaria took no damage at all!
:'''Goh''': How is that possible?!
:'''Clemont''': When Altaria Mega evolves, it changes from a Dragon and Flying type... 
:'''Drasna''': ...and into a Dragon and '''Fairy''' type! Everything is going exactly as I planned in the first place!
:'''Ash''': Augh! Dragon-type attacks don't affect Fairy-type Pokémon.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Drasna's Noivern collapses from exhaustion]''
:'''Rotom Drone''': Noivern is unable to battle! Dracovish is the winner, which means the victory goes to Ash! ''[You did it, Ash! You finally defeated a member of the Elite Four!]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Announcer''': Ash has risen to 9th place in the Ultra Class! ''[Now, if Ash wants to reach the Masters 8, he has to defeat a member from the Masters 8 who is ranked 8th place. Be ready for your next challenge, Ash.]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Drasna''': Congratulations! Your Ultra Class ranking has risen to ninth. 
:'''Ash''': Thank you so much! ''[Both Ash and Drasna shake hands]''
:'''Drasna''': But it won't be quite so easy to climb higher in the rankings.
:'''Ash''': Yeah, but I'll do my best! ''[Pikachu also agrees with the statement]''
:'''Drasna''': Sirfetch'd  and Dracovish are simply charming. I'll know that I'll cheer for you!
:'''Wikstrom''': Now don't neglect your training!
:'''Ash''': Right, Wikstrom!
:''[Bonnie is seen staring right up at Drasna. Wonder what this could mean...]''
:'''Goh''': What's wrong, Bonnie?
:'''Bonnie''': I have made a decision! 
:''[She gets down on one knee and holds her hand out to Drasna on behalf of Clemont, continuing her running gag from their initial journeys through Kalos.]''
:Drasna, you're a keeper! Please take care of my brother!
:''[Everyone freaks out.]''
:'''Pikachu''': ''[who seemingly missed this]'' Pika-Pikachu!
:'''Bonnie''': I mean, Drasna? You're so strong and in control that I don't think there's anybody else for my brother, see?
:'''Drasna''': ''[blushing]'' Oh, my stars! Whatever shall I do?
:'''Bonnie''': ''[After getting grabbed by Clemont's arm]'' Wait, but why?
:'''Clemont''':  I told you to stop this a million times!

==Reuniting for the First Time!==
:''[Note: This episode is to apologize to fans for not introducing Lisia during the XY series as to represent the promotion of Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire. The writers made the mistake in the XY series of promoting Hoenn remakes by mostly recycling story elements from the Ruby and Sapphire anime, as well as having barely any callbacks.]''

:'''Lisia''': Hi everybody!
:'''Altaria''': Taria! [Greetings, viewers!]
:'''Lisia''': Well, watch me dive in! It's dazzling! Dizzying! ''[spins around]''
:'''Crowd''': Dizzying! ''[also spins around]''
:'''Lisia''': Lisia's Miraculous Contest is Scouting! ''[the crowd cheers]'' I'm going to bring in another fantastic trainer into the world of contesting! Let's see...''[starts her search and sees Chloe]'' You, watching with that baffled expression on your face!
:'''Chloe''': Me?
:'''Lisia''': Have you never joined in a contest?
:'''Chloe''': Uh...never.
:'''Lisia''': That's just what I want to hear. Then let's get this show on the road! Folks, this is the trainer I'm going to scout today! ''[Nice Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire reference]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Chloe''': Wow, it's Sylveon. ''[The Sylveon trainer turns around and reveals to be none other than....Serena!]''
:'''Serena''': You're the contestant Lisia scouted!
:'''Chloe''': How did you know?
:'''Serena''': I saw the live broadcast.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[As Ash and Goh head to the contest hall, a familiar voice calls out to them. It's Wallace, the ex-Hoenn Champion and current Sootopolis Gym Leader. Juan must have retired at some point...]''
:'''Wallace''': Well, if it isn't Ash? ''[Both Ash and Goh stop]'' I knew it! So, I wonder if you remember me.
:'''Ash''': Let's see...
:'''Wallace''': ''[baffled that Ash doesn't remember him]'' I refuse to greet one who sees the visage and gets no inspiration.
:'''Ash''': Right! ''[both Ash and Goh try to leave only for Wallace to grab Ash by the backpack]''
:'''Wallace''': Hold it right there! Recall that your friends May and Dawn participated in a certain Wallace Cup. ''[Fans sure miss May, but given that May's Japanese voice actress has throat problems meant she can't return unless it is a silent cameo...]''
:'''Ash''': I remember now! You're the Contest Master, Wallace!
:'''Wallace''': Oui. So you do remember after all. Good. Now as luck would have it, my niece, the top Idol, Lisia, is appearing in this very contest. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Both Ash and Goh try to leave again, but like last time, Wallace stops them]''
:'''Wallace''': There's no need to be in such a rush. As a matter of fact, I've noticed a certain Trainer named Ash in the World Coronation series. ''[You can guess what's happening...]''
:'''Ash''': You have? Well, thanks.
:'''Wallace''': I'm not in the series, but since we've met, I must assume that it's fate. What say we battle, eh? I'm a trainer who can keep up in battle with the Champion of the Hoenn Region. 
:'''Ash''': Oh! You mean Steven Stone! 
:'''Wallace''': ''[annoyed]'' Well, you had no trouble remembering his name. But I'll refuse to take any offense. ''[Guess Wallace's loss against Steven hit his sore spot]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Ash just defeated Wallace, mostly off camera...yay, Ash defeated a former Hoenn Champion and all the Hoenn Gym Leaders...]''
:'''Wallace''': Milotic, return. ''[recalls his defeated Milotic]'' To think that I, who am on par with Champion what's-his-name, could be defeated. I tip my cap. You were elegantly infuriating so and yet it was utterly glorious. Kudos to you, Ash! As I have come to expect from you.
:'''Ash''': Thank you. It was a great practice for me.
:'''Goh''': Right! Let's go!
:'''Wallace''': Wait, right there! Now, you are able to claim your Rain Badge. ''[whips it out from his fingers and places it on Ash's vest.]'' 
:'''Ash''': ''[baffled by this since he already earned the Rain Badge from defeating Juan]'' Oh...
:'''Goh''': I'm gone!
:'''Wallace''': One more thing! ''[he takes off his scarf and places it on Ash. The scarf is too long and is covering Pikachu]'' Please take this as a memento of your battle with me. 
:'''Ash''': Oh...

:''[Note: Many fans claim that Ash should continue doing Gym Challenges because it is tradition that Ash always does this quest minus Sun and Moon. Again, Ash is a Champion and is competing in the World Coronation series and Ash's Gym Challenge quest is overused and tiresome at this point. Plus, making Ash continue doing Gym challenges would feel like a permanent downgrade in his skills as a trainer.]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Serena''': ''[noticing Ash is heading on the boat back to Vermillion City]'' Huh, is that Ash?
:'''Ash''': Huh? Serena! 
:'''Serena''': It is you! 
:'''Ash''': How have you been? 
:'''Serena''': Me? I've been doing just fine! You're looking great, Pikachu!
:'''Pikachu''': Pikachu. [Thank you, Serena]
:'''Chloe''': You know each other?
:'''Ash''': She's a good friend from some of my journeys. ''[Just the boat horn honks signalling it is time to leave]''

==Radio Lulled the Mischievous Stars!==
==Big Brother to the Rescue!==
:'''Ash's Rotom Phone''': A battle has been scheduled. Your entrance battle will be against Raihan, who is ranked 8th of the Masters Eight. 
:'''Ash''': Raihan, huh?
:'''Goh''': What do you mean entrance battle?
:'''Ash's Rotom Phone''': If Ash wins, he will exchange ranks with his opponent and be officially confirmed as the 8th ranked member of the Masters Eight who are the strongest trainers in the World Coronation Series. ''[Be warned, Ash. Once all entrance battles are finished, the final Masters Eight members are decided. This means that other trainers will have to wait until the next season to try their luck in reaching the Masters Eight again.]''

==Catching the Aura of Fate!==
:''[Note: This episode is to apologize to fans for &quot;Facing the Needs of the Many!&quot; While the reunion is well received, some are still upset that Greninja has not yet rejoined Ash. When all the evil roots are gone for good and Ash's Greninja permanently rejoins Ash like Charizard did in the Black and White series, fans will fully forgive the writers for this serious offence.]''

:'''Ash''': ''[about Greninja]'' When I came to Kalos, Froakie was the first Pokémon I caught. On our journey, we got stronger and stronger. One time, we had a fight because I tried too hard to win a battle...but we made up. Eventually, we took part in the Kalos League and after that, Greninja wanted to protect Kalos, so it stayed behind. ''[Nice story, but why did the writers ignore the Ash-Greninja form? Also, Zygarde appears to be written out of this series due to irrelevance. Also, no mention of Team Flare?]''

==Aim for the Eight!==
:''[Ash, Pikachu and Lucario had just arrived at Hammerlocke Gym and Raihan walks behind the group]''
:'''Raihan''': I was wondering who that was and it happens to be today's challenger.
:'''Ash''': Hi Raihan.
:'''Raihan''': Why are you here so early?
:'''Ash''': You see, I was too excited to stay away any longer. How about you? ''[Well, at least Ash had arrived to his destination for his match]''
:'''Raihan''': The truth is, I'm already on my home turf. Of course, I'd be here early. I'd never think you'd really make this far...but this is where your journey ends because I'll win.
:'''Ash''': Well, I'm not going to lose. ''[Just then, there's some rustling in the bushes, where it's revealed that Leon was sleeping outside the Gym.]''
:'''Leon''': ''[yawns]'' Morning Ash, Raihan.
:'''Ash''': It's Leon!
:'''Raihan''': Just what are you doing sleeping there?!
:'''Leon''': Well, you know, I didn't want to be late for the battle between you two. Guess I got excited.
:'''Raihan''': Huh, you too?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[With Ash's win against Raihan...]''
:'''Raihan''': This was mine to lose.
:'''Ash''': Thanks, Raihan for an awesome battle.
:'''Raihan''': Wait! Gotta sec? ''[he whips out his Rotom phone]'' How about a smile? ''[takes a selfie with Ash]'' I'm gonna beat both you and Leon someday. In the meantime, don't you dare lose before it happens.
:'''Ash''': I won't!
:'''Raihan''': Nice! ''[rubs Ash's head playfully before leaving]'' 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[The Masters Eight have been decided and are locked in place for the rest of the season...]''
:'''Announcer''': And so, the entrance battles for this season are complete! The contestants for the Masters Eight Tournament have now been decided! First the winner of this match, ranking at number eight is Ash! Ranking number seven, the Unova Champion, Iris! Ranking number six, the winner of the Kalos Lumiose Conference, Alain! Ranking fifth, the Champion of the Kalos Region, Diantha! Ranking fourth, the Champion of both Kanto and Johto, Lance! Ranking number three, the Hoenn Champion, Steven Stone! Ranked second, the Sinnoh region Champion Cynthia! And ranked number one, amassing an unbroken series of victories, the undefeated Galar Champion, Leon! These eight will be competing in the all-star battles of the Masters Eight Tournament which is scheduled to get underway very, very soon! ''[Note: Since Flint is not seen amongst the Masters Eight, it is revealed that Flint lost too many times off camera is now back in the Ultra Class. Ash must watch out because the other contestants, aside from Iris because Ash defeated her already, are powerful just like him....]''

==Narrowing the Chaser Chase!==
==The Homecoming Crown!==
:''[As promised by the writers, the Mohn story that was first established in the Sun and Moon series gets to finally be resolved]''
:'''Ash''': Are you alright, Lillie? ''[Pikachu is attacking the Shiny Nihilego]''
:'''Lillie''': It's Ash!
:'''Gladion''': ''[rushes into the scene after hearing the commotion]'' What's wrong?! You're here?!
:'''Ash''': Gladion?
:'''Gladion''': What's going on?
:'''Ash''': I was just following Pikachu, when I saw Nihilego about to attack Lillie.

==Helping the Hometown Hero!==

==Chasing to the Finish!==

==Friends, Rivals, Lend me Your Spirit!==
:''[Note: This episode is to apologize to fans for complete disregard of Ash's reserves between Generation V and now. The writers are now banned from giving the impression that Ash's reserves are borderline non-existent. When the writers finally let Ash use his reserves again and fix up the ones that did not get enough character development (fully evolve the ones that didn't in their debut as well as give them more wins), fans will fully forgive them for this offense.]''

:'''Ash's Rotom Phone''': You have a call from the professor!
:'''Ash''': Uh, hello?
:'''Professor Oak''': Greetings, young man!
:'''Ash''': Professor Oak!
:'''Professor Oak''': You should drop by once in a while. See your other Pokémon...''[See, writers, this is the reason why ignoring Ash's reserves at Oak's lab is not worth continuing especially when Professor Oak asked Ash to visit his reserves once in a while.]''
:'''Ash''': Oh yeah! There's lots of battling spirit there! 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Gengar bounces around, hitting trees like being in a pachinko machine until he gets zapped by lightning. As Gengar regains consciousness, he sees an Electivire.]''
:'''Gengar''': Gengar? [Huh, you're the one who zapped me?]
:'''Ash''': ''[arrives along with Goh, Grookey and Pikachu]'' Gengar! No way! Electivire?
:''[Just then, a shadowy figure appears from behind a tree and stands next to his Electivire. It's Paul, Ash's Sinnoh rival!]''
:'''Paul''': Is that your Gengar? 
:'''Ash''': Hey, it's Paul!
:'''Goh''': &quot;It's Paul&quot;? Who's that?! 
:'''Pikachu''': Pikachu! [Long time no see, Electivire!]
:'''Electivire''': Electivire. [Hello again, Pikachu.]
:''[Gengar gets back up but is stumbling. Luckily Ash catches him.]''
:'''Ash''': Gengar, are you alright? ''[gets burned]'' Augh! Hot! ''[Everyone minus Paul and Electivire are confused]''
:'''Goh''': How can that be? Gengar is usually that cold. ''[He touches one of Gengar's fingers.]'' Yep, it is cold.
:''[Gengar hugs Ash and sure enough Ash does feel the coldness of Gengar's body.]''
:'''Ash''': Well, what do you know? Cold.
:'''Paul''': You're useless. At the very least, you should know your Pokémon's condition.
:'''Ash''': Course I know that! 
:'''Goh''': Hey Ash? You know that guy?
:'''Ash''': Yeah. We go way back. When I travelled through Sinnoh, he was a rival I battled a bunch of times. He's a Trainer who's named Paul.
:'''Paul''': Mm. ''[in agreement]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': Hey, we ran into Paul.
:'''Professor Oak''': Well, well. I was hoping he'd surprise you two here. You see, Paul happened to stop by yesterday, out of the blue.
:'''Paul''': Professor Oak is a preeminent figure in Pokémon research. If someone wants to know about Pokémon, he's the best to ask. Nothing strange about that. 
:'''Charizard''': Roar! [Let's go Gengar, you've some work to do.]
:'''Gengar''': Gengar! [Right, let's go!]
:'''Ash''': Let's all train. ''[Charizard, Gengar and the rest of Ash's Fire-mons comply, minus Infernape?]''
:'''Pikachu''': Pikachu! [Let's go!]
:'''Ash''': Kay, buddy! ''[Not so fast, Ash]''
:'''Paul''': You should leave it to the Pokémon. That's what this place is for.
:'''Professor Oak''': I'll keep an eye on them! I think you and Paul have things to talk about.
:'''Ash''': Right!
:'''Paul''': Infernape, why don't you go and join them? 
:'''Infernape''': Infernape? Infernape! [Really? Heading off, Ash!]
:'''Ash''': Infernape, you take care of Gengar, okay?
:'''Infernape''': Infernape! [Right!] ''[runs off and carries Professor Oak over his shoulders!]''
:'''Professor Oak''': Whoa! Hey, stop!
:'''Goh''': So, Infernape does what Paul does it to do too?
:'''Ash''': Yeah, cause Paul was its trainer before I was. ''[Those of you who do not know about Infernape and how he played a part in Ash and Paul's vicious rivalry towards each other during Diamond and Pearl series, here's a brief recap]''
:'''Narrator''': Ash met Paul in the Sinnoh Region. Paul put his Chimchar through some extreme training, but when it didn't meet his expectations, he abandoned it. So, Ash welcomed Chimchar into his group. A deep friendship developed which led to Chimchar evolve all the way into Infernape. 
:'''Goh''': So that's what happened. 
:'''Ash''': Yeah and Infernape's gotten really strong.
:'''Grookey''': Grookey-key-key. [Whoa, look at Electivire's tails!] ''[Electivire's twin tails are swinging back and forth gently]''
:'''Goh''': ''[Grookey jumps off Goh's shoulders]'' Grookey, hang on!
:'''Pikachu''': Pika! [Hey, wait!]
:'''Electivire''': Vire. [What is it?]
:''[Both Pikachu and Grookey are cheering while looking at Electivire's tails. Grookey throws its stick into the air allowing Electivire to catch it with its twin tails]''
:'''Electivire''': Electivire. [Got it!] ''[Pikachu and Grookey applaud at Electivire's performance]''
:'''Paul''': Electivire, go keep them busy.
:'''Electivire''': Electivire. [Sure thing.]
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[We see Paul's Electivire play with Pikachu and Grookey by letting the two ride on its tails, Ash's Torterra is napping with Scraggy and Palpitoad and Gible are hanging out with Goh.]''
:'''Ash''': Hey Paul, didn't you want to enter the World Coronation Series?
:'''Paul''': I'm not interested in noisy crowds. ''[Maybe that's why Paul gave up on region league quests as well? Also, no mention of Paul facing off against Pyramid King Brandon?]''
:'''Ash''': So why don't we face off now? ''[Paul scoffs as if to say &quot;What are you suggesting?&quot;]'' Battle with me!
:'''Goh''': That's a great idea!
:'''Paul''': Three on three and no switching out. ''[Nice call back to Ash and Paul's first battle, but this time this battle is less hostile. Remember, Paul had to fix his attitude after his loss against Brandon, as well as be more respectful to Ash following Paul's loss in the Sinnoh League]''
:'''Ash''': Okay!
:'''Paul''': One thing. You're only allowed to use Pokémon you're taking to the Masters Eight Tournament.
:'''Ash''': Fine! I'll go get them!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Paul''': ''[recalls his defeated Gyarados]'' Not too shabby.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Paul''': Garchomp, standby for battle! ''[summons his Garchomp. Thanks for reminding fans on how you mishandled Ash's Gible, writers! You're telling the fans that characters like Cynthia and Paul can have a Garchomp yet Ash can't evolve his Gible into a Garchomp?!]''
:'''Ash''': So Garchomp is up next.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': ''[recalls his defeated Dragonite]'' Dragonite, you were so cool. Take a rest. Did you see that, Paul? I call that the Dragonite Meteor!
:'''Paul''': ''[recalls his Garchomp]'' Lousy name.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Paul''': ''[baffled that Ash and Gengar are struggling in their battle against Paul and his Metagross, similar to the issue Ash had throughout the Diamond and Pearl series]'' And you're one of the Masters Eight? If I'm giving you a tough time, there's no chance you'll win the tournament! Use Meteor Mash!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Goh''': Excuse me? About your three Pokémon? Aren't they the same as some of the Masters Eight? Lance has a Gyarados, Cynthia has a Garchomp and Steven Stone has a Metagross. Is that just a coincidence? 
:'''Paul''': ''[simply smiles]'' Professor, thanks for all your help. I'll say goodbye for now.
:'''Professor Oak''': You're always welcome to come back here.
:'''Paul''': Thanks. If you'll excuse me. Infernape, until next time.
:'''Infernape''': Infernape. [Catch you later.]
:'''Paul''': Shall we go, Electivire?
:'''Electivire''': Electivire. [Right behind you.]
:'''Ash''': Paul, let's battle again! ''[Paul waves goodbye, knowing full well that Ash is ready for the trials ahead]''
:'''Goh''': He's acting too cool.
:'''Professor Oak''': Paul said he's been officially invited to become a Gym Leader of his own Pokémon Gym.
:'''Ash''': A Gym Leader?
:'''Professor Oak''': That's why he want to learn more and more about Pokémon.

==Curtain up! Fight the Fights!==
:''[As Ash and Goh reach the entrance of Wyndon Stadium, someone calls out to them. This is Hop. Where were you during the Darkest Day arc?]''
:'''Hop''': There you are! ''[runs and blocks their way]'' You're Ash from the Kanto region, aren't you?
:'''Ash''': Huh? Yeah, that's me...
:'''Hop''': Okay, then I'm challenging you to a battle! Right here and now! ''[Really, Hop?! You are begging for trouble!]''
:'''Wooloo''': Woo-loo! [Get ready!]
:'''Hop''': It's battle time! ''[Wooloo agrees with Hop]''
:'''Goh''': I wonder if he knows you're a member of the Masters Eight.
:'''Hop''': I heard that! Of course I know. That's why I'm here! I'm gonna test just how strong you are. 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Hop''': Now Wooloo, Double Kick! ''[Wooloo charges forward]''
:'''Ash''': Iron Tail! ''[Pikachu uses Iron Tail to knock out Wooloo...in one hit!]''
:'''Hop''': ''[horrified]'' Wooloo!
:'''Goh''': So, that's it?
:'''Hop''': A one hit win. Naturally. Now I totally see why my brother likes you.
:'''Ash''': Your brother, huh?
:'''Hop''': Yeah. See, my name is Hop. Leon's my bro.
:'''Ash''': That Leon?
:'''Goh''': Your brother?
:'''Ash''': That means Leon talked to you about me! Whoa, that makes me so psyched!
:'''Hop''': But I've gotta tell you...''[Ash gets confused]''...I'll be the one to end Lee's winning streak! So he's not gonna lose one match before that day! ''[That's what you think, Hop! Many fans think that Hop should have been Ash's main rival just like in the games. However, this loss was to remind fans that Hop's rivalry with Ash would not look very convincing in the anime, since Ash is a Champion and Hop is a rookie.]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Both Ash and Pikachu head to the dressing room where the other Masters Eight members. Just then, Iris runs along with Ash]''
:'''Iris''': Hey, you're cutting it close! 
:'''Ash''': Oh hey, Iris! So we're both in the Masters Eight, huh?
:'''Iris''': Right! I've been looking forward to seeing you!
:'''Ash''': Same for me! Since we've come so far...
:'''Both''': I've gotta win! ''[The other members of the Masters Eight as well as the stadium crew stare at the two. Yeah, save the energy for the tournament, you two.]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Announcer''': We'll start with the 8th ranked trainer. He shown us the Champion of the first Alola League tournament. Hailing from Pallet Town in the Kanto region, Ash Ketchum! ''[Finally the anime acknowledges Ash as the Alola Champion in the Pokémon world.]''
:'''Ash''': Alright! Lookout! ''[Pikachu cheers and accepts the cheers from the crowd as well]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Leon''': Take your best shot! My Pokémon will defeat everyone standing in their way.
:'''Announcer''': And now, we're going to reveal the matchups for the first round! ''[The screen display two square panels for the members. It spins like the ones on a slot machine.]'' For the first match, it's Leon vs Alain! ''[So much for Ash having the chance to refight Alain as to make up for the mess in the Kalos League...]'' 
:'''Ash''': Alain and Leon, huh?
:''[The screen spins again revealing the next matchup]''
:'''Announcer''': And for the second match, it's Lance vs Diantha! ''[Odd choice of pairing since the two never interacted before and Lance did not appear in the XY series. The screen spins revealing the third pair]''
:'''Announcer''': In the third match, it's Cynthia vs Iris. ''[That makes sense since Iris did receive mentorship from Cynthia in the Black and White series]''
:'''Iris''': Me and Cynthia?
:'''Cynthia''': Go easy on me. ''[The screen spins again revealing the final pair]''
:'''Announcer''': For the fourth match, it's Steven Stone vs Ash Ketchum. ''[This is to make up for the lack of interaction between the two throughout the Ruby and Sapphire and the XY series]''
:'''Ash''': So, I'm battling Steven Stone.
:'''Pikachu''': Pi-ka. [He is very tough.]
:'''Steven Stone''': So, we finally get to battle each other.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Cynthia''': ''[noticing that Ash is not backstage]'' Is Ash coming?
:'''Iris''': Uh...no. Ash said he was watching the matches with Goh. He wants to experience all the stadium excitement firsthand.
:'''Diantha''': That does sound like him. 
:'''Cynthia''': And you didn't wanna watch from the stands with him?
:'''Iris''': Oh, actually...I wanted to ask a favor of both of you. Can we take a selfie? You don't mind, do you? ''[takes out her Rotom Phone]'' 
:'''Cynthia''': I'd be delighted.
:'''Diantha''': Of course, dear. 
:'''Lance''': So Steven, I hear that you know Alain fairly well.
:'''Steven Stone''': We met while searching for rare stones. You know, I hope it doesn't overwhelm him to suddenly be matched against Leon.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Leon's Rillaboom Gigantamaxes! Grookey, being excited, bangs his stick on Goh's head. Now do you understand why Ash can't have a member of the Rillaboom line of his own, fans?!]''
:'''Goh''': Grookey! I'm not a drum, understand?! Stop it!
:'''Hop''': Alright! Let's all rock out to Lee's rhythm!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Alain's Chesnaught gets defeated by Rillaboom's Acrobatics. Acrobatics is a Flying-type move and Chesnaught is 4x weak to Flying as it is a Grass and Fighting type.]''
:'''Steven Stone''': So Leon has the advantage?
:'''Lance''': Yes. Who knew Rillaboom would use Acrobatics? 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Alain summons his Charizard who now has a new Charizardite X Mega Stone]''
:'''Ash''': That's so awesome! We had battle after battle with his Charizard. ''[Yet you did not defeat it because you overused your Kalos team and did not practice your now former Ash-Greninja form enough which cost you the Kalos League. The Mega Evolution specials confirmed that Alain had more practice with his Mega Charizard X]''
:'''Hop''': You have?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Alain summons his Charizard again into battle after his Malamar lost. They sure love the Charizard mirror match, don't they?]''
:'''Alain''': Go Charizard!
:'''Leon''': I'll continue battling with my Charizard. 
:'''Alain''': It's been my dream to battle you two and defeat you! ''[Yeah, not happening...]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Dan''': Alain's Charizard is unable to battle. It's a win for Leon's Charizard, which means the victory goes to Leon! ''[Alain lost the match easily like Trevor did in the XY series. It should be noted that Alain is a League Conference winner and not a region Champion, unlike the other members of the Masters Eight.]''

==Pride of a Champion!==
:'''Ash''': So it is Diantha against Lance. Which shall I cheer for?
:'''Goh''': Ash, does that mean you know both of them?
:'''Ash''': Uh-huh. I even battled Diantha too. ''[That's true, although neither battles Ash had with Diantha were finished. But Ash did let Diantha know he had potential during their battles.]''
:'''Hop''': You're amazing. You're also one of Lee's favorite trainers. That's so cool there's something about you that the Champions find interesting. ''[Hmmm...seems that Ash is also the other Champion's favorite trainers]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Lance''': The time has come! Trainers of the Kanto region! ''[We see Ritchie from the original series make a cameo watching the show. Wonder what he's been up to all this time?]'' Trainers of the Johto region! ''[We see Jackson/Vincent, Marina and Jimmy also watching the game as well.]'' All of you just watch me battle. And you, Diantha, as a Dragon Master, I ask of you to bring only your best to battle my Dragon brigade.
:'''Diantha''': And of course, you're right. The thing that connects us all is our Pokémon and battling itself, I too have a request to all the trainers of the Kalos region. ''[Shauna, Tierno, Trevor and Sawyer are also watching.]'' As I stand here, your dreams and ambitions are with me and so, Lance, I very much am looking forward to seeing how you and your Pokémon shine like the stars!
:'''Lance''': So, shall we begin?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Diantha uses a Light Screen and Reflect combo]''
:'''Iris''': Wow, it's like an aurora!
:'''Steven Stone''': Who knew Light Screen and Reflect, two defensive moves could be combined like that?
:'''Alain''': However, the effect of each move will still vanish over time. It's not permanent. 
:'''Cynthia''': I think Diantha is using it as to pressure Lance. I'd say Diantha is clearly the one in control of this battle. ''[Oh yeah. There's a reason the writers are not letting Lance refight Leon in this match.]''
:'''Leon''': It's still anyone's guess. If he wavered here, she would have beat Lance.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''James''': A Gourgeist, eh?
:'''Meowth''': Jessie caught one in Kalos back in the day.
:'''Jessie''': ''[yawn and uninterested]'' So her second is Gourgeist? ''[Wait a second...]'' A Gourgeist?! That woman calls herself a movie star gets it! Listen up, Gourgeist is being fought!
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobba, Wobba! [That's what we told you!]
:'''James and Meowth''': Yeah, that makes sense...
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Diantha''': Now comes checkmate! Moonblast! ''[Mega Gardevoir complies knocking Lance's Dragonite out.]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': Lance!
:'''Lance''': Ash, hi there. Looks like my challenge has come to an end. Now, do your best. ''[Lance leaves heading back home. That's the best interaction between Ash and Lance you can come up with, writers?!]''

==The Fiery Road to Mastership!==
:'''Ash''': You know, Iris raised that Excadrill from way back when it was still a Drilbur. Man, time can sure fly.
:'''Pikachu''': Pika-pika! [You know it!]
:'''Hop''': Huh?! You know her too?!
:'''Goh''': Ash knows Iris because they traveled through Unova together. He also knows Cynthia really well.
:'''Hop''': What's with you knowing everybody, Ash?! ''[Maybe you should travel around the world and learn more about the Champions just like Ash did]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Diantha''': If Iris is a Dragon-type trainer, then why...
:'''Alain''': ''[as if reading Diantha's mind]'' ...did she bring out Excadrill? ''[Diantha nods in agreement]''
:'''Steven Stone''': I've heard a rumour that she actually trained with Cynthia at one point.
:'''Alain''': Which means they each know the cards the other is holding.
:'''Leon''': It could very well be changing of the guard. This should be interesting.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Cynthia''': Your moves are even sharper than before.
:'''Iris''': That's because of everything you've shown me, Cynthia. ''[cue flashback of Cynthia's training with Iris]'' I simply did what you taught me to do. ''[Drayden is watching the event]'' And now to become part of our strength, lots of connections that made us Champions. ''[Alder, Georgia, Stephan, Bianca and Trip are also watching. You know Trip is the worst main rival of Ash when all he has is a cameo appearance, compared to Gary and Paul who have at least one episode focus in Journeys.]'' And so, I, as the Unova region Champion, on this day, I'll defeat you. ''[We are not having another Ash vs Iris match in the Masters Eight!]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Cynthia''': Standing here, you and I are nothing more than individual Pokémon Trainers, as well as challengers aiming for the top. ''[Volkner and Flint are watching the match outside the Sunyshore Gym with their Electivire and Infernape respectively.]'' We will not pull any punches as I want to test my own limits, you see. ''[Paul is shown to have returned home, after prepping Ash for the Masters Eight tournament, to watch the game with Reggie, who just delivered tea for the two to drink.]'' So I will defeat you and move on! Gastrodon, ACID ARMOR!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''James''': Frilly girl is not bad. She's not that bad at all.
:'''Meowth''': The only reason she got here is because we trained her up.
:'''Jessie''': A bouquet of thinking roses would be kind of nice.
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobbuffet! [I couldn't agree more!]
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Iris''': Now, Haxorus, let's do this!
:'''Haxorus''': HAAAA! [Make your move!]
:'''Cynthia''': ''[noticing Iris is getting better in battles]'' I see. If so...''[whips out her...lipstick? She applies it on the bottom part of her lips]'' I'll use all of my strength and I'll defeat you! ''[One turn of her lipstick reveals her...Keystone?! Uh-oh...]'' 
:'''Iris''': ''[horrified]'' Isn't that...
:'''Ash''': A Keystone?! 
:'''Cynthia''': ''[activates the Keystone and applies her lipstick on the upper lips]'' Garchomp, time for MEGA EVOLUTION!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[the other Masters Eight noticing Cynthia's Mega Garchomp]''
:'''Steven Stone''': That's interesting. She must be serious.
:'''Alain''': True, but Haxorus still has a lot of power right now. This bout is anything but decided.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Iris checks on her defeated Haxorus. Iris, always have at least one battle mechanic to better your odds of winning.]''
:'''Iris''': Haxorus, you really went all out. You're the very best and Dragonite too, and Excadrill too. I love you all.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Ash heads off to the Wyndon Stadium arena, ready to face Steven Stone and to make up for not winning the Hoenn League. As he does, he runs into Iris.]''
:'''Ash''': Iris, I'm sorry.
:'''Iris''': Ash...''[starting to tear up]'' Looks like I lost.
:'''Ash''': I know.
:'''Iris''': Cynthia is really amazing, isn't she? ''[continues crying]'' Incredible...She's amazing! ''[Continues crying...Goh then shows up checking on her as well. Seconds later, Iris cleans up her tears.]'' All better now. Thanks. I know, for Ash's next match, how about we cheer for him together?

==Battling as Hard as Stone!==
:'''Meowth''': Now it's twerp time! Rock and roll!
:'''James''': Battling someone with panache and power.
:'''Jessie''': ''[uninterested]'' I'm not so sure the twerp even has half the chance.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': Okay, Steven! I'm the one advancing to the semi-finals!
:'''Pikachu''': Pikachu! 
:'''Steven Stone''': You don't say, huh? Then I expect great things! I look forward to seeing what kind of battle you'll bring.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Leon''': Show me what you've got, rookie. 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Dracovish uses Fishious Rend to counter Metagross' Agility]''
:'''Ash''': Oh yeah! ''[Just then, Dracovish gets pushed back by Metagross]''
:'''Announcer''': And Fishious Rend holds off the Psychic attack.
:'''Steven Stone''': He predicted that.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': ''[in his mind]'' Paul, my battle with you is already paying off. ''[flashes back to Ash's Gengar's battle with Paul's Metagross]'' Closing in with Agility then using Psychic. I had a feeling you knew how Steven would battle, then you helped me train for it. ''[At home, Paul smiles at Ash's performance, as if to say, &quot;He knows what he's doing.&quot;]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Steven Stone''': Let me tell you. The thing is I am considered the most powerful trainer in the Hoenn region but that's not nearly enough for me. The Pokémon World Coronation Series: it is only when I dominate this event that I can say I am truly the strongest and the best! ''[We see multiple cameos from the Generation III anime: Professor Birch, Drew, Harley, Katie, Morrison, Tyson (keep in mind that Tyson won the Hoenn League but failed to become Hoenn Champion as Steven is Hoenn Champion), Janet, Vito, Kain, Jimmy, and Kelly]''
:'''Diantha''': I've never seen Steven this fired up before. ''[Alain nods in agreement]''
:'''Ash''': And the same for us! 
:'''Pikachu''': Pika!
:'''Ash''': For all the people who cheered me on up until now. ''[We see Chloe, Professor Cerise, Ren, Chrysa, and Mimey watch the show]'' For all of my Pokémon, I will win this for sure! ''[We see Delia, Professor Oak, Tracey, and Ash's reserves.]''  
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Jessie''': Told you the twerp's completely outclassed.
:'''Meowth''': Have you lost it?
:'''James''': Are you mad?
:'''Jessie''': ''[enraged]'' I'M TOTALLY NOT MAD!
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobba wobba wob! [Take it easy!]
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Meowth''': It's Pikachu time!
:'''James''': I smell turnaround!
:'''Jessie''': Pikachu, don't even think about losing! Do you hear me?!
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobba Wobba! [Come on and win this, Pikachu!]
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Steven's Cradily loses to Pikachu]''
:'''Steven Stone''': That was just terrific! Each one of your moves leaves me totally surprised, Ash!
:'''Ash''': It's all because Gengar set it up for Pikachu.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Ash had defeated the Hoenn Champion, Steven Stone, and is now in the semi-finals ready to face Cynthia for the first time. You wanted to fight Cynthia, you got it, Ash!]''
:'''Cynthia''': Ready, Ash? Our match is near...
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': Hey, Steven!
:'''Steven Stone''': You know, Ash. The feelings you have for your Pokémon and the way they respond to you, they gave their all in battle for that. They came together as one and, as a result, created an even greater power. And that's the reason you were able to grasp your victory today. And a spectacular win it was.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Outside Wyndon Stadium, Iris, Steven and Alain are heading back to their home regions...]''
:'''Steven Stone''': Your next opponent is Cynthia. Still, with Pikachu and your other Pokémon, you can win. I believe in you, Ash.
:'''Alain''': I'm certain you can do it. ''[That's the best interaction between Ash and Alain you can do in Journeys, writers?!]''
:'''Iris''': Can't wait for you to tell me all about it!
:'''Ash''': And that's what I am gonna do! ''[Pikachu exclaims in agreement]''

==Infinite Possibilities!==
:''[One day, at the Eevee Evolution Lab, some evolved forms of Eevee are chilling out as a Leafeon pops out a bush]''
:'''Leafeon''': Leaf.
:''[A Flareon chases after it]''
:'''Flareon''': Flare, flare.
:'''Narrator''': This is the Eevee Evolution Lab, where today, Eevee is having a health check up.
:''[Inside the lab, Chloe and her Eevee are with Pinery who is checking Eevee's health]''
:'''Pinery''': ''[Turns round to Chloe]'' Perfect health. Eevee's doing just fine.
:'''Chloe''': That's wonderful.
:'''Chloe's Eevee''': Eevee.
:'''Chloe''': So, how have you and Eevee been spending your time lately?
:'''Chloe''': It's been great, we took a trip to see Sylveon. ''[A flashback occurs]'' And we even performed in a Pokémon Contest Spectacular. Eevee even used Fairy Wind.
:'''Pinery''': You really used Fairy Wind? ''[The camera cuts to Eevee scratching herself]'' I wish I'd seen you two in action.
:'''Chloe's Eevee''': Eevee. Eevee vee vee.
:'''Chloe''': After that, we met the Eevee of a friend who lives in Alola. She's Lana.
:''[A flashback occurs to when Chloe met Lana]''
:'''Lana''': There's one more. The Eevee path.
:'''Chloe''': Hm?
:'''Lana''': Eevee can always just stay Eevee, like Ash's Pikachu.
:'''Chloe''': Ash's Pikachu. You're right. So then there are nine paths available for Eevee. Of course. ''[The flashback ends]'' Lana taught me something back then, about all of Eevee's possibilities.
:'''Pinery''': That's true. She's so right. You and Eevee will decide, if it's Eevee... ''[The evolutions of Eevee appear in a fantasy]'' ...or Vaporeon, Jolteon, Flareon, Espeon, Umbreon, Leafeon, Glaceon, Sylveon. Those are all the evolutions you can choose from.
:'''Chloe''': Right.
:'''Pinery''': Tell me, is Eevee interested in them?
:'''Chloe''': Completely. The thing is, it can't choose. I don't know what to do. Eevee loves every evolved form.
:'''Pinery''': Really?
:'''Chloe's Eevee''': Eevee vee. [Pinery is right, Chloe.]

==It's... Champion Time!==
:''[Dragonite glomps Ash sending the two sliding to where Cynthia is with her Garchomp]''
:'''Cynthia''': Ash, is that you? Dragonite?
:'''Ash''': Hey, Cynthia!
:'''Goh''': Sorry, we interrupted you!
:'''Cynthia''': Don't be. We're just fine. I'd say that enthusiasm means you're making final preparations before our match.
:'''Ash''': Yeah, I am! Does that mean you are too?
:'''Cynthia''': I am. ''[to Garchomp]'' Now, try flying.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Vic''': A partner...my choice? I decided Grookey will be my first Pokémon!
:'''Goh''': You'd pick Grookey? Good choice!
:'''Grookey''': Grookey-key! [Glad to hear!]
:'''Vic''': Then I'd evolve it up to Rillaboom like Leon did, and get it to Gigantamax!
:'''Goh''': Well first, you have to evolve it into a Thwackey.
:'''Vic''': Right! Then we'll use a move that is just as cool as 10 million Volt Thunderbolt!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Vic''': Cynthia, what was your first Pokémon?
:'''Ash''': You know, I don't even think I know that.
:'''Cynthia''': ''[addressing her Garchomp]'' This one here. We've been on many adventures since it was a Gible.
:'''Ash''': Yeah.
:'''Goh''': I thought you could only use Piplup, Chimchar, or Turtwig?
:'''Cynthia''': Right. This one came from an egg.
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Cynthia''': With Pokémon Eggs, you never know what will come from them, right? ''[The flashback reveals Cynthia as a little girl with her egg that later became her ace]'' And anticipating what kind of Pokémon will emerge...it's so exciting! I did everything I could to keep it warm. And when the time came, this is who hatched! ''[Her Gible]'' I was beyond overjoyed!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Ash''': Actually, my Lucario came from an egg too! 
:'''Goh''': And a very strange egg it was...
:'''Cynthia''': Strange?
:'''Vic''': What do you mean?
:'''Goh''': It wouldn't hatch. No matter who cared for it. It went to lots of regions and still couldn't figure it out. But then the egg called out to Ash.
:'''Vic''': Whoa!
:'''Ash''': True and then I felt some kind of aura coming from it.
:'''Vic''': They call Lucario, the Aura Pokémon, don't they? You're so awesome!
:'''Cynthia''': Ash, maybe it was waiting for you. 
:'''Ash''': You think so?
:'''Cynthia''': Actually, I've heard rumors. They were talking about that strange egg. So that was you!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Goh''': Ash, over there! Look!
:'''Ash''': Whoa! ''[The scoreboard reveals that Leon only lost Dragapult with Rillaboom being active, while Diantha has Goodra active and lost Gourgeist, Aurorus, Tyrantrum, and Hawlucha. The writers just pulled a &quot;Lost at the League!&quot; on us, didn't they?!]''
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Hop''': ''[seeing that Leon is now in the finals]'' Yeah! All right! Leon's the best!
&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;

:'''Vic''': Ash, I wanna have totally cool battles just like Leon!
:'''Cynthia''': You should have lots of adventures first where you catch Pokémon and battle with them.

==Bewitch, Battle, and Bewilder!==
:''[As Cynthia is heading towards the stadium, she runs into Diantha.]''
:'''Diantha''': I'll cheer for you.
:'''Cynthia''': Thanks, Diantha. I promise that I won't let you down.
:'''Diantha''': If anyone breaks Leon's unbeaten streak, it's got to be you. 
:'''Cynthia''': But no pressure, right? I've decided something.
:'''Diantha''': What's that?
:'''Cynthia''': Once this tournament is over, I'm going to retire from battling. ''[This hints that a lot of challengers who fought Cynthia stood no chance against her. Little did Cynthia realize, someone might stand a chance and overpower her...]''
:'''Diantha''': Huh? You're retiring? 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Cynthia summons her Spiritomb]''
:'''Diantha''': That Cynthia, using a Pokémon no one predicted. She now controls the field. 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Cynthia's Spiritomb drains Dragonite of her strength using Dream Eater multiple times]''
:'''Jessie''': You know, that's absolutely vicious!
:'''James''': Didn't I tell you they're strong?
:'''Meowth''': Dragonite's power is slowly drained away.
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobbuffet. [So horrifying.]
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': Dragonite return! ''[recalls Dragonite after recklessly leaving it out in the battlefield open for attacks]'' Sorry. I promise no one else is going to lose that way. 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Cynthia noticing Ash using his Pikachu against her Togekiss.]''
:'''Cynthia''': ''[in her mind]'' I'd say he's trying to change the pace with his number one partner. 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Cynthia summons her Gastrodon into battle]''
:'''Hop''': This isn't good. Electric type attacks won't work on Gastrodon!
:'''Goh''': Cynthia really has Ash figured out. She wants to keep Pikachu from switching out by taking it down right now. 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Diantha''': When it comes to Ash, good or bad matchups make no difference. His attack rhythm is excellent, too. ''[Diantha is really becoming a fan of Ash...]''
:'''Leon''': My kind of match. I love this!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Cynthia''': ''[in her mind]'' Ash has the skill to turn a tight spot into an opportunity. It's wonderful how Pikachu responds to it.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Pikachu is spinning around using Thunderbolt. The technique we all love in Diamond and Pearl, the Counter-Shield, is back!]''
:'''Goh''': Hey, what's going on? 
:'''Hop''': Pikachu's breakdancing! ''[Not exactly]''
:'''Cynthia''': It's a little early for a victory dance. Use Hypnosis! ''[Should have watched Ash's battle against Fantina, Cynthia. Spiritomb complies using Hypnosis at Pikachu, only for it to get countered]''
:'''Announcer''': Spiritomb's Hypnosis move has somehow gotten caught in the Thunderbolt attack and it can't reach Pikachu.
:'''Cynthia''': But how? ''[You forgot about that tactic that Ash and Paul used in the Sinnoh League?!]''
:'''Ash''': Let's finish this! ''[Pikachu's Thunderbolt injures Spiritomb]''
:'''Leon''': It's true! Offense is the best Defense!
:'''Ash''': Cynthia! While we were in Sinnoh, we came up with the Counter Shield technique.
:'''Cynthia''': I remember that one! You demonstrated back in the Sinnoh League! ''[Oh, never mind then]''

==Valor: A Strategic Part of Battling!==
:'''Hop''': A one Pokémon advantage is big and Cynthia's way too tough. 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[The Team Rocket gang race to the front row to check on Ash's progress]''
:'''Jessie''': Hey twerp, what's up? Where did that first round fighting spirit run off to?
:'''Meowth''': You're leaving us in the loser's lurch!
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobbuffet. [Get yourself together.]
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Diantha''': Neither have them used Dynamax or Mega Evolution. 
:'''Leon''': They're not ready yet. It's exactly when to use them that will be the key to victory here.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Ash summons his Dracovish while Cynthia summons her Garchomp]''
:'''Ash''': Garchomp...is it time for Mega Evolution? ''[Cynthia doesn't respond. What hidden tricks does she have?]'' We'll hit it head on! Use Ice Fang!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Cynthia puts her Roserade back into the area and it's all fine?!]''
:'''Ash''': Roserade's not burned now?
:'''Hop''': That's so weird. It was just hit by Gengar's Will-o-wisp. ''[Unless...]''
:'''Goh''': Hold on a second. That must mean Cynthia's Roserade...
:'''Cynthia''': Roserade's ability is Natural Cure. By returning to its Poké-ball, it can heal from things like burns or poison.
:'''Ash''': So that's why you switched it out. Okay, what's my next move?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Cynthia''': ''[in her mind]'' Since you understand how your Pokémon feel, you would do that. But it's exactly what will give me the chance to win! ''[Don't be so sure, Cynthia, until the end of the round...She then exclaims out loud]'' Spirit of water, Milotic, go! ''[Summons her Milotic in battle. Oh dear, Cythina, if only you knew how many Milotic Ash loved to beat up]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Sirfetch'd uses Brutal Swing by throwing his shield like a boomerang, cancelling out Stealth Rock]''
:'''Cynthia''': How can they do that?!
:'''Announcer''': With its extremely high spin rate, Sirfetch'd shield is destroying one Stealth Rock shard after another.
:'''Hop''': Is that even possible?
:'''Goh''': Hey, it's Ash! Stuff like this is where he's at his best!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Diantha''': I thought Garchomp might Mega Evolve, but...
:'''Leon''': She has something else in mind. ''[This makes sense because, besides Iris, Cynthia hung out with Ash more compared to the other members of the Masters Eight, meaning she knows more about how Ash battles.]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Cynthia''': Togekiss, return now! ''[recalls her Togekiss]''
:'''Ash''': Wait, what?
:'''Announcer''': Oh! Another switch out! ''[Nope. The camera reveals that Cynthia has a...]''
:'''Lucario''': Raw? [Is that...]
:'''Ash''': A Dynamax band?!
:'''Pikachu''': Pika! [It is!]
:'''Announcer''': Hey, that's no switch out! 
:'''Cynthia''': Togekiss, soar with white wings! Now Dynamax, let's go! ''[Seconds later, Togekiss enlarges and pops out of the Dynamax Poké-ball. Cynthia knew that Ash would try and fight Mega Garchomp, hence why she threw him off guard.]''
:'''Togekiss''': Togekiss. [You're in trouble now.]

==Whittle While you Work!==
:'''Hop''': I thought Cynthia was going to Mega-Evolve her Garchomp this time.
:'''Goh''': Ash, what's your next step going to be?
:'''Cinderace''': Cinderace! [Don't lose to Togekiss!]
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Noticing that Ash has Mega-Lucario ready for the match]
:'''Diantha''': Now, we'll witness the power of the bond between Ash and Lucario. 
:'''Leon''': Mega-Evolution vs Dynamax. That's what the Masters Eight Tournament is about!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Togekiss reverts back to normal but is still active]''
:'''Diantha''': It seems quite possible that Ash is evolving during this battle as well. 
:'''Leon''': I agree. He's putting on quite a display of Aura power. But facing the Sinnoh Champion, she's not one you beat with power alone. ''[looking at you, Paul, Flint, Aaron, Lucian and others who tried that stunt and failed...]''
:'''Diantha''': Of course, Cynthia...''[recalls Cynthia mentioning about retiring after the Masters Eight tournament to Diantha]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Cynthia''': Hey Garchomp. ''[Garchomp turns her attention to Cynthia]'' Looking at Ash brings back memories of all the wonderful times that you and I had together.
:'''Garchomp''': Garchomp. [I remember.] 
:''[The flashback shows Cynthia and her then baby Gible having fond memories: running through a field, catching a Feebas that later became her Milotic, seeking shelter in a cave in the middle of a rainstorm, Gible becoming Gabite, Cynthia looking at the Dialga and Palkia legends at Amity Square first seen in &quot;Top Down Training!&quot; in the Diamond and Pearl series, Gabite becoming a Garchomp and helping Cynthia win the Sinnoh League and be crowned Champion]''
:'''Cynthia''': When everything we saw was brand new. How we were filled with excitement at the great big world and its legends! As challengers, we tested ourselves in all kinds of situations. That was then...
:'''Garchomp''': Garchomp. [That's true.]
:'''Cynthia''':...but now, we will be the ones to take on Leon! Alright, use Scale Shot!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Ash's Mega-Lucario gets back up but Cynthia's Garchomp is unconcious from the Reversal hit. You know what that means...]''
:'''Dan''': Garchomp is unable to battle! So the victory goes to Ash Ketchum! ''[Yes! You took down the Sinnoh Champion! Now the fans have finally forgiven the writers for Ash's Sinnoh League loss. Wonder how Paul would react to Ash's win against Cynthia?]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Jessie''': Finally, he pulls off an upset that I'm happy about!
:'''James''': Defeating both the Hoenn and Sinnoh Champions means one thing. 
:'''Jessie, James and Meowth''': It's not luck! 
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobbu! [No it isn't!]
:''[Just then, the Rocket gang realized something...]''
:'''Meowth''': We did have a reason for being here, right?
:'''Jessie''': To provide commentary for fun and profit and...
:'''James''': Steal some super strong Pokémon! 
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobbuffet. [Oh yeah, we forgot about that.]
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Cynthia''': Ash.
:'''Ash''': Hm. ''[Cynthia extends her hand towards him for a handshake, which he accepts.]'' Thanks, Cynthia.
:'''Cynthia''': I'm the one who should be thanking you. ''[Ash is confused]'' Watching you and your Pokémon interacting in so many ways. It made me realize just how many things there are still left for me to learn. Thank you, Ash. Truly.
:'''Grookey''': ''[off camera]'' Grookey! [Heck yeah!]
:'''Cynthia''': Let's battle again someday.
:'''Ash''': Sure!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Cynthia leaves the stadium and runs into Diantha again.]''
:'''Diantha''': That was a good battle. 
:'''Cynthia''': Even though I lost...''[giggles a bit]''...I'm taking back my decision to retire.
:'''Diantha''': ''[relieved]'' I thought you'd do that. ''[Did any fans really thought the Sinnoh Champion was going to retire that easy after her loss? Good thing Ash was not aware of Cynthia's retirement plan.]'' 
:'''Cynthia''': Something so exciting and fun. I just can't quit. In battle and in research, there's still a lot left to master.
:'''Diantha''': That's how it should be!

==Just a Scone's Throw From Here!==
:''[Leon summons Eternatus while showing it off to Ash and Goh, much to their shock]''
:'''Sonia''': Surprised?
:'''Goh''': Yeah...''[remembers Eternatus in the Darkest Day arc]'' I mean it was so over the top destructive. That was the reason I had Professor Magnolia take it. 
:'''Sonia''': We decided for the time being, we'd keep it in a place deep underground below the lab. Things is, staying asleep all the time isn't much of a life. 
:'''Professor Magnolia''': Right. Eternatus has a deep connection to Galar particles. The energy that flows through the region, this is how Pokémon cannot be separated from the Galarian way of life. We must all learn to co-exist with Eternatus. 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Goh receives a notification on his phone, much to his shock.]''
:'''Ash''': Goh, what's up?
:'''Goh''': Sorry, Ash. Looks like I won't be able to see your battle tomorrow. That was an emergency communication from Project Mew. I've got to pack up and leave ASAP.
:'''Ash''': Okay. You better go find Mew right away.
:'''Goh''': I will and you better win that match!
:'''Ash''': Got it! ''[If Goh cannot watch Ash's match in person due to Project Mew, then who is going to root for Ash in Goh's place?]''

==A Flood of Torrential Gains!==
:'''Gary''': Hey Goh, it's too bad.
:'''Goh''': Oh?
:'''Gary''': Ash's final Masters Eight tournament match is today, isn't it?
:'''Goh''': It sure is. Even so, I trust that he's going to win. See, we promised each other. Next time we meet, we'll both be smiling. 
:'''Gary''': Yeah, you're right. ''[Okay, so Gary and Goh cannot see Ash's battle against Leon due to Project Mew commitments...make sense]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Backstage, Ash places his Z-ring, Dynamax band and Mega Gloves on. He then faces his Journeys team.]''
:'''Ash''': Hey guys, you ready? Then let's do this! ''[The rest of the Journeys team declare themselves ready for the match.]'' We're gonna win, right?! ''[The team exclaim in agreement. Just then, a Piplup and Eevee run up to Ash and his team. Could it be...?]'' 
:'''Ash''': What? ''[Just then, Dawn and Chloe show up into the backstage area]''
:'''Dawn''': Hi there, Ash! 
:'''Chloe''': Sorry to barge in!
:'''Ash''': Dawn, Chloe! 
:'''Chloe''': We'll both cheer for you and since Goh couldn't make it, I'll cheer on his behalf too. ''[Nice substitutes, but where are the rest of Ash's other companions, not counting Tracey, Goh, and Iris?]''
:'''Ash''': Awesome, thanks a lot.
:'''Chloe''': Besides, I wanted to let Eevee see a live tournament.
:'''Eevee''': Eevee! [You know it!]
:'''Dawn''': I can understand that. I watched all this time on TV, but I just had to be there for this! 
:'''Chloe''': Everyone's cheering for you, back at the lab. Give it you're all, okay?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Hop''': Lee, what's wrong?
:'''Leon''': ''[in his mind]'' Feeling nervous but in a good way. I wonder why am I remembering my first Pokémon battle now?''[reveals flashback of a young Leon facing a young Sonia. This is a foreshadow of what the results are going to be...]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Piplup wearing his old cheerleader outfit from the Diamond and Pearl series. He is showing off his cute cheers to Chloe.]'' 
:'''Chloe''': You are just so cute in that outfit!
:'''Dawn''': Isn't it great? Piplup always cheered like that back in Sinnoh, too.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Announcer''': ''[We see Iris sitting in a tree watching the game on her tablet computer (went home to Unova to resume her Unova Champion duties), Lance is watching the game with Dragonite on his phone, Alain is with Mairin and Professor Sycamore at Sycamore's lab watching the game]'' And now, let's bring our finalists to the field. Ranked 8 in the Masters Eight, the very first Champion of the Alola region and hailing from Kanto, Ash Ketchum! ''[crowd cheering]'' 
:'''Dawn''': If Ash can't do it, no one can! ''[Both Piplup and Eevee are cheering on as well]''
:'''Chloe''': So many people cheering for Ash!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Announcer''': Ever since Ash entered the World Coronation series, he has taken on and defeated a long list of powerful opponents.  ''[Steven is watching the game in a meeting room inside Devon Corporation.]'' Perhaps, the most watched contestant, he even defeated Hoenn Champion, Steven Stone. Ash, then, took on the Sinnoh Champion, Cynthia, and emerged victorious. ''[Both Diantha and Cynthia are watching the game in person in the VIP box. Those two female Champions must now be big fans of Ash...]'' He has used Dynamax, Z-Moves and Mega Evolution, combining them with a Pokémon battling style of his own. So what kind of inspired moves will he make today? Now the one facing Ash. Here's the reigning Monarch with worldwide name recognition. He's the role model and battling goal for Pokémon trainers all over the globe. Ranked no. 1 in the Masters Eight, the Champion of the Galar region, Leon!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Dan''': The finals consists of a six-on-six full battle. There will be no limits on time or switching out Pokémon. The one who leaves all six of their opponents Pokémon unable to battle wins! Also, a contestant is only permitted to use Dynamax, a Z-move or Mega Evolution once per-
:'''Leon''': Hold it! 
:'''Dan''': Leon? 
:'''Leon''': Just once is pretty boring. So come at me using them all, okay?
:'''Ash''': Really?
:'''Leon''': This is the ultimate test of the all out competition! I want to battle with all their power! That's right! And that's why I want all of your Pokémon to hit us with everything we got! Dynamax, Z-moves and Mega Evolution! I want to battle against all of them! I want to challenge them all and beat them all! What about you? Don't you want to see a full power battle?! ''[The crowd cheers loudly which is cool, but we need approval from the officials first, Leon!]''
:'''Hop''': Go Lee! Yeah, that's my brother with the awesome ideas!
:'''Chloe''': What does that mean? 
:'''Dawn''': That means it'll be an amazing match!! Alright, you can do it, Ash!! 
:'''Dan''': ''[contacting the officials of Leon's proposition]'' Yes. Mmm-hmmm. I see. ''[hangs up]'' The officials in charge of the World Coronation series have agreed to Leon's suggestion! Ash, do you agree?
:'''Ash''': You bet! Sounds awesome! ''[Okay! Now we can start the show with this rule!]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Cynthia''': That's something Leon would do.
:'''Diantha''': Yes. This might become the kind of battle we'll never see again. 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Leon summons his Cinderace out while Ash summons his Pikachu.]''
:'''Ash''': I'm counting on you! I want you to be the first on the field.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Leon summons his Inteleon into battle. Leon has all three Galar starters which he must have obtained prior to becoming Champion! Now do you understand why the tradition of giving Ash, a region Champion, new starters has been banned after the Sun and Moon series, fans?! Ash summon his Gengar into the match.]''
:'''Ash''': This time, it's Inteleon?! It's like we're battling Goh's Pokémon!

==Toying With Your Motions!==
:''[Ash summons his Sirfetch'd into battle against Mr. Rime. Uh...]''
:'''Leon''': A Fighting type?
:'''Cynthia''': Against a Psychic type like Mr. Rime. Sirfetch'd is at a disadvantage.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Sirfetch'd uses Fury Cutter on the ice terrain, cancelling out Mr. Rime's field advantage.]''
:'''Announcer''': The energy of Psychic Terrain has been eliminated!!
:'''Mr. Rime''': Huh?
:'''Ash''': That's the way, Sirfetch'd! 
:'''Sirfetch'd''': Sirfetch'd. [That's how I do it.]
:'''Leon''': So that's the reason.
:'''Diantha''': Since it's a Bug-type move, it's capable of destroying a Psychic-type move? ''[You had to watch the Ash vs. Valerie Gym Battle, Diantha, because that is the same tactic Ash used before.]''
:'''Chloe''': I guess not all moves are meant to attack Pokémon.
:'''Dawn''': Yep! That's the way Ash rolls!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Leon's Dragapult strikes Dragonite with Dragon Tail switching Dragonite out for Mega Lucario]''
:'''Announcer''': It happened again with Dragon Tail! This time it forced Mega Lucario onto the field.
:'''Diantha''': It must be hard for Ash to work that way.
:'''Cynthia''': Ash may have more Pokémon remaining, but Leon's the one controlling the pace.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': ''[recalls his Lucario]'' Lucario, return. You gave it all that you had. I already knew Leon's strong! Even if I'm ahead, he catches up!
:'''Sonia''': Leon looks like he's not even trying. 
:'''Chloe''': Oh, Ash.
:'''Dawn''': He'll be fine! No need to worry! 
:'''James''': Dragapult's just too powerful.
:'''Meowth''': This could be bad news for the twerp.
:'''Jessie''': Get it together! We're up here cheering our little lungs out!
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobbuffet! [Get your act together!]

==Paring Pokémon While Parrying!==
:'''Leon''': When I bring out my Grass-type, a lot of opponents tend to use Flying-type attacks. This is how we answer that. 
:'''Dawn''': Offense is the best defense? Seems like Leon is acting a bit like Ash does.
:'''Chloe''': Huh?
:'''Dawn''': Don't you think that both of them have similar battling styles?
:'''Chloe''': Mm. 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Jessie''': Why, you big Champion jerk! 
:'''James''': He keeps grabbing the momentum.
:'''Meowth''': Nope. Pikachu and Dracovish are still in this thing.
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobbuffet! [I'm still worried though!]
:'''Leon''': Ash, thanks to you and your Pokémon, my Pokémon and I are truly living up to our greatest potential. But it's kind of really sad. You have two Pokémon. True, this battle has been great, but it's soon about to end.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[With Rillaboom down, both Ash and Leon have two Pokémon left. Now it's anybody's game.]''
:'''Announcer''': Ash caught up almost immeadiately! ''[Clemont and Bonnie are shown watching the game from the Lumiose Gym. This makes sense because Clemont and Bonnie have to run their Gym together which is why they could not show up to watch the game in person. They also appear to be aware that Ash should keep his guard up, but at least they are rooting for him]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[With Dracovish out, Pikachu is the only one left!]''
:'''Chloe''': Do you think they'll be alright?
:'''Dawn''': They'll be fine! Those two can handle anything!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Leon''': Hey, Ash.
:'''Ash''': Huh?
:'''Leon''': Charizard was my very first Pokémon. It's gone on all of my adventures. My partner from the very beginning. My very first battle. My very first catch. ''[a brief flashback shows a young Leon and his Charmander, alongside Sonia.]'' My very first evolution. Time and time again, it's been there with me.
:'''Ash''': I hear you, Leon. I've gone on every adventure with Pikachu. That's why I want Pikachu to beat Charizard.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Ash is ready to execute Pikachu's special Z-move]''
:'''Leon''': I've been waiting for this!
:'''Announcer''': Here we go! Ash and Pikachu have begun their Z-move!
:'''Ash''': Much bigger than a Thunderbolt! 10,000,000 Volt Thunderbolt! Yeah, this is much, much bigger! At super full power! ''[Ash's Alola team, Alolan companions (Lillie, Rotom Dex, Kiawe, Lana, Mallow, Sophocles) and their mons, Gladion, Professors Kukui and Burnet, Lei, and Principal Oak all watch the battle, rooting for their Alolan Champion. The Alolan companions and Gladion are students, the adults are staff members keeping the Alolan Pokémon school running and Kukui and Burnet have to take care of Lei and Ash's Alola team, which is why they did not appear in person at Wyndon Stadium.]'' 
:'''Pikachu''': Pika, Pika! [Behold our strength!]
:'''Ash''': Pikachu, use 10,000,000 Volt Thunderbolt!

==Partners in Time!==
:''[Eternatus flies around Wydon Stadium and it recharges both Ash and Leon's Dynamax bands and its sprinkling Galar particles around.]''
:'''Sonia''': Eternatus? But why?
:'''Professor Magnolia''': The stability of Galar particles is the stability of the Galar region. Eternatus appears to have just protected everyone of us and the region's peace. ''[Eternatus flies away. Guess Galar does need Eternatus after all.]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Leon''': Amazing! Eternatus gave us a bonus round! ''[showing his Dynamax band glowing.]''
:'''Ash''': Huh? ''[checks his Dynamax band and it is also glowing.]'' Yeah. My Dynamax band.
:'''Pikachu''': Pika? [What does that mean?]
:'''Leon''': I hope you're watching, Eternatus. Charizard return! ''[recalls his Charizard]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Leon''': Cinderace, return. ''[recalls Cinderace]'' You were the best. Great job Gigantamaxing. Alright, Ash! This will decide it! ''[readies Charizard]'' It's time to use our aces! 
:'''Ash''': Yeah! Partner vs partner!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Leon''': You did very well drive someone like me this far! You're helping me become stronger than ever! So, until the last move, I'd say we get even more fired up!
:'''Charizard''': ''[roars]'' [Come and get it!]
:'''Pikachu''': Pika! [Alright, I will!]
:'''Ash''': Thanks to you, we've gotten a whole lot stronger than before, Leon. This battle is the peak of all adventures Pikachu and I have had up until this point. That's why we're gonna win!
:''[During this dialogue, we see Professor Oak, Delia, Tracey and Ash's reserves still watching. The scene cuts to Misty at her gym watching the show (Misty had gym duties which is why she didn't show up at Wyndon). We see Brock, Cilan and Alexa watching (Cilan must have introduced Alexa to Brock). On top of that, Brock is working as a doctor, Cilan has connoisseur duties and Alexa is doing journalism which is why they also didn't appear at Wyndon. The scene cuts to Serena, Lisia, along with...May and Max! Keep in mind that May's Japanese voice actor had retired because of vocal problems and Max's Japanese voice actor retired from the business, which is why they don't have any lines. It's great that the two get to appear in a cameo and become friends with Serena. Also, all of them have performance completely scheduled unlike Dawn who performs on her own time.]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': Pikachu!
:''[Pikachu is getting exhausted. Everyone watching is worried. First Chloe and Dawn. Then Team Rocket. Then Diantha and Cynthia. Next is Misty. Then it goes to Serena holding hands with May who has one hand placed on Max's shoulder. Then Brock and Cilan (where's Alexa?). Next is Iris. Then it cuts to Clemont and Bonnie. Then the Alola cast (minus Sampson Oak?!). Then to Professor Oak, Delia and Tracey. And while Goh did not see the game, he is worried about Ash. Don't give up until it's over, Ash and Pikachu! Think of the times the two inspired their friends, surely they got Ash and Pikachu's back!]''
:'''Ash''': Pikachu!
:''[Pikachu starts to suffer a blackout...Inside the black void...]''
:'''Ash''': It's so cute! It's the best of all! Oh hi, Pikachu! ''[Pikachu zaps Ash. Then the black void becomes a white void. Just then Bulbasaur and Squirtle pop into the frame, followed by Charizard, Pidgeot and Butterfree.]''
:'''Bulbasaur''': Bulbasaur! [You're not giving up, are you?]
:'''Squirtle''': Squirtle! [You can do it, Pikachu!]
:'''Charizard''': ''[pops into the frame]'' Roar! [Get back up!]
:'''Pikachu''': Pi? [Huh?]
:'''Pidgeot''': Pidgeot! [I may not be here, but I know you are not done!]
:''[The rest of Ash's Generation I reserves appears: Mimey, Kingler, Primeape (fans are still mad at the writers for not returning Primeape to Ash), Snorlax, Muk, Lapras, 30 Tauros]''
:'''Mimey''': Mime! Mime! [We're all rooting for you!]
:'''Kingler, Muk, Snorlax, Tauros and Lapras''': ''[all cheer]'' [We got your back! Go, Pikachu, go! Keep up the pace! Don't slow down! Don't collapse on us!]
:''[Then Ash's Johto members: Noctowl, Bayleef, Quilava, Totodile, Donphan and Heracross...along with the Larvitar Ash travelled with but never caught.]''
:'''Noctowl''': Hoot! [Go get em, Pikachu!]
:'''Heracross''': Hera! [Don't stop, Pikachu!]
:'''The Johto Starters''': Quilava! Bay! Totodile! [Get back up! We're rooting for ya! Show me more energy!]
:'''Donphan and Larvitar''': Donphan! Larvitar! [Go, Pikachu! You can do it!]
:''[The next group are Ash's Hoenn/Battle Frontier team of Glalie, Corphish, Sceptile, Torkoal, Ambipom (fans are still mad at the writers for &quot;To Thine own Pokémon be True!&quot; because of Ambipom's release) and Swellow]''
:'''All members''': ''[each gave their exclamation as if to say...]'' [Don't give up! You're still in the running! Don't quit on us! Show your opponent who's boss! I may be not be a member of your team anymore, but I am always with you! Keep going, Pikachu!]
:''[Next up are the Sinnoh members: Infernape, Gliscor, Torterra, Staraptor, Buizel and Gible]''
:'''All Sinnoh members''': ''[all cheering]'' [Get back up! You are not going down that easy! Keep going, Pikachu! You're not going down! You're not through yet! Come on, Pikachu!]
:''[Then there's Ash's Unova team: Unfezant, Oshawott, Pignite, Snivy, Scraggy, Leavanny, Boldore, Palpitoad and Krookodile]''
:'''Ash's Unova members''': ''[all roaring]'' [Give it everything you got! Don't fail us now! Do it for us! You still have some strength left in ya! The game's not over yet! Keep on pushing! Keep battling! Don't quit on us! It's not cool to lose right now!]
:''[Ash's Kalos members are shown next: Greninja, Goodra (fans are still mad at the writers for &quot;Facing the Needs of the Many!&quot; because of these two releases), Talonflame, Hawlucha and Noivern]''
:'''Ash's Kalos members''': ''[all exclaming]'' [Don't give up until it's over! That's what Ash told us! We believe in you! Get back up and fight! Fight with all your might!]
:''[The Alolan Squad is shown next: Rowlet, Dusk Lycanroc, Incineroar, Naganadel, Melmetal and Nebby the Solgaleo]''
:'''Ash's Alola Team''': ''[more exclamation]'' [Come on! You've helped us won the Alola League! Surely, you can win this tournament as well! I'm always there for you in spirit! Don't let us down! Keep going, Pikachu!]
:''[Finally, the Journeys team: Dragonite, Lucario, Gengar, Sirfetch'd and Dracovish]''
:'''Ash's Journeys team''': ''[cheering for Pikachu as well. Ash also appears too]'' [Come on! This is your time to shine! Time to show Leon what you're made of! Keep having at them! Everyone's depending on you!]
:'''Ash''': You see, Pikachu? Everybody's backing us up!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Charizard collapses from exhaustion. You know what that means...]''
:'''Dan''': Charizard is unable to battle! Which means the victory goes to Ash! ''[Congratulations, Ash! You are now the very best like no one ever was!]''
:'''Announcer''': It's decided! We now have ourselves a new Champion! From the Kanto region, born in Pallet Town, Ash Ketchum!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Leon''': ''[enters the centre's wing]'' Look like Pikachu is feeling better. ''[His Charizard takes a look inside]''
:'''Ash''': Leon!
:'''Pikachu''': Pika! [Hey there!]
:'''Leon''': It was a good battle. Lots of fun too. 
:'''Ash''': I've feel the exact same way.
:'''Leon''': It made me think back my very first Pokémon battle. A great time. ''[The flashback revealed that Leon's Charmander lost to a Rookidee owned by Sonia herself. Leon gets upset about this loss.]'' Yet frustrated. Of course, that's what a Pokémon battle really is. From now on, I'm just another challenger. I'll have lots of battles and become even stronger.
:'''Ash''': Me too! I want to have tons of battles!
:'''Leon''': ''[extends his hand]'' Let's battle again sometime.
:'''Ash''': ''[accepts Leon's handshake]'' You got it! ''[Pikachu delivers a friendly headbutt to Charizard]''
:'''Dawn''': It's getting to be about time for the award ceremony, Ash!
:'''Chloe''': Hey Leon, you're coming too, right?
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Diantha''': You know. I've suddenly got the urge to have a battle.
:'''Cynthia''': Great. Me too. I'm free. ''[Diantha and Cynthia were right to see a lot of potential in Ash when they met him for the first time.]''

==The Mew From Here!==
:''[Since Ash vs. Leon was happening at the same time, we get to see Project Mew. The Chasers had just landed on the island. Time to start the search but a little sightseeing full of wild Pokémon living there, first.]''
:'''Goh''': Oh. Amazing.
:'''Horace''': Yeah. 
:'''Goh''':This place is teeming with Pokémon life.
:'''Horace''': It's truly a Pokémon paradise.
:'''Quillon''': Let's go. ''[Time to get back to the mission]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[At the mountain base]''
:'''Goh''': Does it have to be that tall?
:'''Horace''': And it gives off a pristine vibe.
:'''Danika''': Ancient fishermen gave it the name of Sharishariima.
:'''Goh''': Sharishari?
:'''Quillon''': A sound like an evil monster attacking humans.
:'''Gary''': One shouldn't even approach a mountain of horrors like that. Wasn't that the message? ''[Sure, unless there is something important to find in that area.]''
:'''Danika''': Geologically, this mountain is very important. It hasn't changed its shape in several hundred million years.
:'''Quillon''': In ancient times, this might have been the axis or the centre of the world.

==In the Palm of our Hands!==

==Heroes Unite!==
:''[While camping out with Grookey, Cinderace, Ash, Pikachu, Chloe, and Eevee, Goh rises from his chair and looks at Ash, preparing to come clean about traveling on his own]''
:'''Goh''': Hey, Ash?
:'''Ash''': Hm? ''[Chloe looks at the duo]'' What's up, Goh?
:''[Goh starts to hesitate, then smiles, unwilling to leave Ash for the sake of their friendship]''
:'''Ash''': Huh?
:'''Goh''': No, it's really nothing. I'm sorry.
:'''Ash''': Okay.
:'''Goh''': ''[looking at the starry night]'' The stars are really pretty tonight, you know?
:'''Ash''': ''[also rising from his chair]'' Goh?
:'''Goh''': Huh?
:'''Ash''': I'm taking another journey. ''[Both Goh and Chloe gasped in shock at what Ash just said]'' I'll be heading out with Pikachu, of course.
:'''Pikachu''': Pika.
:''[Logs burning in the fire begin to tumble still, as Goh looks down, feeling betrayed by Ash's intention to continue his journey without him]''
:'''Goh''': ''[distraught]'' You're heading out... without... talking about it?
:'''Ash''': ''[looking surprised]'' Huh?
:'''Goh''': And you're doing it... without asking anybody?!
:'''Ash''': Hey, Goh?
:'''Goh''': So we weren't... GOOD FRIENDS AFTER ALL!!! ''[tearfully running away from the camp with Grookey and Cinderace, taking his bag with him]'' WE'RE THROUGH!!!
:'''Cinderace''': Cinde!
:''[Ash and Pikachu are left stunned and perplexed by Goh's reaction]''
:'''Chloe''': The thing is... Goh is conflicted.
:'''Ash''': About what?
:'''Chloe''': Taking his own journey.
:'''Ash''': ''[gasps]'' Conflicted, huh?
:'''Chloe''': But he just couldn't decide all by himself. He thought that would betray your friendship. ''[taking her bag with her]'' Maybe you didn't realize how much you mean to him. You're the first real friend he's made.
:''[Chloe leaves the camp with Eevee in search for Goh, while Ash and Pikachu sees them off before going to find Goh as well]''
:'''Ash''': Goh!

==This Could be the Starts of Something Big!==

==The Road Most Traveled!==
:''[Both Ash and Pikachu reach a fork in the road. Which route to take?]''
:'''Ash''': So which one should we take?
:'''Pikachu''': Pika. [Let's decide] ''[Ash finds a nearby stick near one of the tree roots.]''
:'''Ash''': Right. This'll decide. How about we go where the leaves point? ''[He tosses the stick in to the air allowing Pikachu to swat it with his tail. The stick spins into the air for a bit before landing and pointing towards the left.]'' To the left! ''[The two start, only for Ash to turn around. Are you for real, Ash?]'' I thought so but I want to go the other way. It just sort of hit me. ''[Pikachu retaliates by zapping Ash's hat off.]'' 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Something invisible has crashed into a lake. Ash, Pikachu, Sceptile, Noivern and Donphan all check it out]''
:'''Ash''': Something's over there. ''[The figure becomes visible and shows off its redness]'' Isn't that? ''[He pulls Latias to the surface]'' Hang in there, Latias. ''[Latias is freaking out and tries to flee only to fail because it is too injured.]'' Stop! Calm down! Please! What's wrong, Latias? I'm sorry I scared you. ''[Both Ash and Latias head towards the lakeshore, only to sink.]'' Buizel! ''[summons his Buizel. Buizel does help push Latias to the shore.]'' Hey, thanks, that's awesome.

==A Fated Face-Off!==

==Must be our Heroes and the Witch!==
:'''Kathy''': Thanks for your patience. Here's some sandwiches and a dish of some special Pokémon food.
:'''Ash and Misty''': Wow! Time to dig in!
:'''Ash''': The yummiest!
:'''Misty''': The best!
:'''Ash''': But I feel like I've tasted something like this before.
:'''Misty''': I was just thinking the exact same thing.
:'''Ash''': These are the most delicious things I've had. ''[At this point, Kathy is carrying a couple drinks on a tray and passing by hearing the two's conversations]''
:'''Kathy''': Why thank you. Mr. Chef, you're being praised! Come on out!
:'''Brock''': Ah ha. Thank you so much. ''[What on earth are you doing here?! Shouldn't you be working as a doctor?]''
:'''Ash and Misty''': Hey, it's Brock!
:'''Brock''': Ash! Misty! ''[Pikachu jumps onto Brock's shoulder]''
:'''Pikachu''': Pikachu! [Hello again, Brock!]
:'''Brock''': Nice to see you, Pikachu.
:'''Misty''': Brock, so what are you doing here?
:'''Brock''': What does it look like? I've taken a job here as the restaurant's head chef, of course. ''[Oh, you have got to be kidding the fans!]''
:'''Misty''': But you're a Pokémon doctor!
:'''Brock''': I chose this! I'm devoting my life to helping her all she does.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Brock''': ''[upon learning that Kathy has a fiancee]'' I was on fire, now I'm burned out.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[A voice off-camera recognizes Ash. Could it be...]''
:'''Cilan''': Huh? Ash? ''[Both Ash and Misty turn their attention to Ash's former Unova companion]''
:'''Ash''': Cilan!
:'''Cilan''': It really is you! ''[Ash and Cilan shake hands]''
:'''Both Ash and Cilan''': Long time! 
:'''Misty''': You're the one who gave Ash that lure.
:'''Ash''': Meet my good friend from a bunch of journeys. You'll love her!
:'''Misty''': I am Cerulean Gym Leader, Misty, with beauty known around the world!
:'''Cilan''': But of course. A sensational sister of Cerulean City. ''[Fans think only Daisy deserves the title, not Lily and Violet.]''
:'''Misty''': They're my three older sisters.
:'''Cilan''': Sisters? So Sensational sisters and a side of weak tea...
:'''Misty''': WEAK TEA?! ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A FIGHT?!
:'''Cilan''': Uhhh...that wasn't what I meant.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Cilan''': It's Brock!
:'''Misty''': You know him?
:'''Cilan''': We became friends in the Johto region just a little while back. We watched your final match together. Oh yeah, congrats on the win! ''[There was an undubbed post Black and White episode where Cilan did meet Brock]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jessie''': The Twerps are history! Where did they go?
:'''James''': How unusual. They were headed this way...
:'''Meowth''': If this keeps up, I'll never get the sweet head pat rewards from the loving hands of the Boss.
:'''Jessie''': Moving up to division leadership!
:'''James''': Social advancement and a party!
:'''Meowth''': Full tummies!
:'''Team Rocket''': We want food!
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobbuffet!
:'''Hattrem''': Hatt...
:'''Jessie''': Oh, wait. Who is that Pokémon?
:'''James''': Hattrem!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Brock''': With this, I've discovered I'm still going to need a lot more experience. So, I'll travel with Ash and crew and train up my heart the right way. ''[Now, that's what fans are talking about. Don't give up on your doctor job.]''
:'''Ash''': Wow, another good friend is coming along.
:'''Misty''': That means we'll have great food!
:'''Ash''': Yeah and meals Brock and Cilan make are totally awesome.
:'''Cilan''': As much as I appreciate the compliments, I'm on my own from here.
:'''Ash''': Huh? You're not travelling with us?
:'''Cilan''': Ingo and Emmett will be holding an event to unveil a brand new train car and I really have to be there! There will be a new lunchbox!
:'''Ash''': Really? Then let's meet up again!
:'''Cilan''': And best wishes! Take good care!
:'''Ash''': Best wishes for a great journey!

==Bearing Down Easy!==
:'''Ash''': Guys, I think that Beartic may be having trouble using its Ice type powers.
:'''Misty''': Really? It made some pretty good ice pillars.
:'''Brock''': That isn't what Beartic intended to do. It's strange, but it only seems to be freezing things when it's startled or scared.

==A Squad Worth of Passion!==
:'''Jessie''': What a racket! What's the problem?
:'''Meowth''': It's the twerp replay.
:'''James''': You don't think they came to reassess the Squirtle Squad, do you?
:'''Jessie''': Stop, that's not even half a joke!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Misty''': ''[drags Brock away with Croagunk's help. Hey, seems Croagunk and Misty share something in common!]'' Yeah, yeah, fate's had enough of your world, thank you.
:'''Brock''': The double broken heart is twice as painful.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[As the Squirtle Squad leave for another trip on firefighting business, a large crowd is running towards Ash and the gang. Wait a second...]''
:'''Girl''': Hey, wait for us!
:'''Ash''': They're Squirtle's fans! ''[True, but they're not here for Squirtle...]''
:'''Brock''': That's popularity.  
:'''Random fan''': I knew it! It's Ash the Champion! ''[Hey, Ash is finally acknowledged as the World Champion!]'' 
:'''Ash''': Oh, you mean me?
:'''Pikachu''': Pika. [Yes, you.]
:'''Brock''': We sure have a popular one right here.
:''[The crowd surrounds Ash asking for his autographs. This might take a while...]''
:'''Pikachu''': Pika! Pika! [Hey, take it easy!]
:'''Ash''': Why are they doing this to us?!

==The Same Moon, Now and Forever!==

==Ride, Lapras, Ride!==

==Getting to the Heart of it All!==

==Rocket Revengers!==
:''[Delibird throws several Poké Balls into the air.]''
:'''Team Rocket''': Huh?
:''[Could it be...? It is! It's Team Rocket's old Pokémon that were left at HQ: Yanmega, Seviper, Woobat, Frillish, Gourgeist, Mime Jr., Yamask, Inkay, Amoonguss and Carnivine! Each of Team Rocket's old Pokémon announce themselves.]''
:'''Yanmega''': Yan-Yan! [Hello again!]
:'''Seviper''': Seviper! [Long time no see!]
:'''Woobat''': Woobat-Woobat! [Did you miss us?]
:'''Frillish''': Frillish-Frillish! [It's great to be back!]
:'''Gourgeist''': Gourgeist-Gour! [What's up?]
:'''Mime Jr.''': Mime-Mime-Mime-Mime! [Just like good old days!]
:'''Yamask''': Yamask! [Ready to work!]
:'''Inkay''': Inkay-Ink! [I'm in for some more fun!]
:'''Amoonguss''': Amoonguss! [Love the surprise?]
:'''Carnivine''': Carnivine! [It's going to be delightful!]
:'''Morpeko''': Mor-Morpeko. [You must be the other mons Jessie and James mentioned.]
:''[Team Rocket cheered in excitement at seeing their old Pokémon again. Just like the good old days!]''
:'''Jessie''': Dear Frillish, and Gourgeist and Woobat and Yanmega! Seviper! Dearies! ''[Her Pokémon are cuddling her quite well.]''
:'''James''': Inkay, Mime Jr., Amoonguss, Dear Yamask! Chomp down, Carnivine! ''[James' mons are cuddling him as well with Carnivine biting James' head.]''
:'''Meowth''': Nothing like a Pokémon party to rock the house!
:'''Wobbuffet''': Wobba-Wobbuffet! [I sure miss those guys!]
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Delibird also summons a golden statue of Giovanni as well. The eyes on the statue turn blue to indicate that Giovanni is contacting them through the statue]''
:'''Giovanni''': Jessie, James, Meowth.
:'''Jessie, James, Meowth''': Giovanni, sir!
:'''Giovanni''': I want you to take responsibility for the Pokémon you have caught up to this point. ''[Wish you done that earlier, instead of having them use the Rocket Prize Master, Giovanni?]''
:'''Jessie, James, Meowth''': Yes, sir!
:'''Giovanni''': That is all. ''[The statue explodes]'' 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Jessie''': It brings back memories and this face and that face and of all our assignments. ''[a fantasy version of Weezing, Arbok (both released in Hoenn to protect the wild Koffing and Ekans), Victreebel (traded away for another Weepinbell by the Magikarp salesman before they both got released in Johto), Dustox (released in Sinnoh to mate with a Shiny Dustox), Lickitung (Jessie accidentally traded her Lickitung for Benny's Wobbuffet in Johto), Chimecho (James left it behind in one of his summer cottages after Chimecho was too ill to continue), Cacnea (given away to Gardenia in Sinnoh to master Drain Punch), Mareanie and Mimikyu (both left behind in Alola) all appear. So when are the Rocket Gang going to reunite with them again, not counting Mareanie and Mimikyu?]'' 
:'''Meowth''': I hope they are feeling all the love.
:'''Jessie''': For the sake of those who did their love and best...
:'''James''': And for the sake of giving the boss a tiny bit of peace...
:'''Both Jessie and James''': We'll get our hands on Pikachu, that's what we'll do!
:'''Meowth''': And we'll let the world know Team Rocket's Revenge Mission is riding again!
:'''Jessie''': That makes us sound like real villains!
:'''James''': Totally nasty!
:'''Meowth''': All we need are the details of a plan.
:'''James''': Pick me, please! I've got some rocking plans! Right, Mime Jr.?
:'''Mime Jr.''': Mime-Mime! (Right, James!)
:'''Jessie''': Perhaps you'd like to explain it now, Mr. Plan Maker.

==Ash and Latios!==

==The Rainbow and the Pokémon Master!==
:''[Note: This is the last episode where Ash and Pikachu are the main protagonists.]''
:'''Tracey''': Ash! Pikachu!
:'''Ash''': Good morning, Tracey!
:'''Pikachu''': Pikachu. [Morning, Marill.]
:'''Marill''': Ma-marill [Hi, Pikachu.]
:'''Ash''': Where are you going?
:'''Tracey''': I got to run an errand for the Professor, so I'll be out for a while. Take over while I'm gone.
:'''Ash''': Sure. Leave it to me. Have Charmander, Squirtle and Bulbasaur arrived? The Professor said I could see them before they go to new trainers.
:'''Tracey''': They've arrived a while ago. The Professor will be giving them checkups.
:'''Ash''': Gotta see that! Pikachu, let's go! ''[Both Ash and Pikachu head to the lab]''
:'''Tracey''': Well, Marill. Let's be on our way too. 
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Gary''': Hey thanks for finding Charmander. I'm the one who grabbed these three guys to the lab.
:'''Ash''': Oh really, that was you? Lucky you, huh? You got to go explore!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': Heading out already?
:'''Gary''': I may not look it, but I'm pretty busy. Oh hey, Ash. I still haven't mentioned it yet. Congratulations on being champ.
:'''Ash''': Uhhh...thanks a lot, Gary. 
:'''Gary''': So, now that you're the Champion, just how close are you to becoming a Pokémon Master? ''[Ash is confused, but Gary has faith that Ash will figure it out.]'' Later. ''[leaves the lab with his Umbreon.]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': ''[noticing his Pidgeot that he released at the end of the Indigo League run. Took you long enough, writers.]'' Pidgeot! You saved us!
:'''Jessie''': What's going on?
:'''Meowth''': I think the twerp's Pidgeotto evolved. ''[The Rocket gang freak out by this revelation]''
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': You saved us, Pidgeot! Thanks a lot!
:'''Pikachu''': Pika-pika! [Glad you're back!]
:'''Pidgeot''': Pidgeot! [Anytime!]
:''[Just then, Pidgeot's flock of wild Pidgey and Pidgeotto arrive]''
:'''Pikachu''': Pika! [Look at that flock!]
:'''Ash''': Is it me, or is everybody bigger than last time?
:'''Pidgeot''': Geot! [Oh, they've grown up and gotten stronger!]
:'''Pidgeotto''': Geottot-Pidgeotto! [Go be with your trainer again. We're old enough to take care of ourselves!]
:'''Pidgeot''': Pidgeot! [Take care then!]
:'''Pikachu''': Pika? [Do you...?]
:'''Ash''': Wanna come travel with me again?
:'''Pidgeot''': Pidgeot! [Yes! I am long overdue for one!]
:''[The flock bid farewell to Pidgeot assuring that they can run the forest quite well on their own. Pidgeot bids farewell to his former group as well before returning to Ash, finally fulfilling the promise that Ash would come back for Pidgeot.]''
:'''Ash''': Pidgeot, it's so awesome to have you back!
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:'''Ash''': Pikachu.
:'''Pikachu''': Pi? [Yes?]
:'''Ash''': Remember what we saw Gary the other day?
:'''Pikachu''': Pikachu? [What about it?]
:'''Ash''': He asked me... he asked me how close I got into becoming a Pokémon Master. Being Champion isn't my goal. The thing is I still think of myself as a challenger. I wanna go on a lot more adventures, meet lots more Pokémon, and take everything I learned every day and put it to good use. That includes meeting Latios.
:'''Pikachu''': Pika. [I see.]
:'''Ash''': The thing is... I wanna be friends with all of the Pokémon in the world. That's what it means to be a Pokémon Master.
&lt;hr width=50%&gt;

:''[Last lines]''
:'''Ash''': Hmm. Which way do you wanna go?
:'''Pikachu''': Pika. ''[spots a twig]'' Pi?
:'''Ash''': Huh?
:'''Pikachu''': Pika!
:''[Pikachu picks up a twig and gives it to Ash. Then Ash tosses it into the air to decide which way his journey will take him and Pikachu next. Farewell, Ash, until we meet you again...]''

[[Category:Japanese TV shows]]
[[Category:Pokémon]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Joyce Ashuntantang</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>253702</id>
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      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>−[[Category:Women from Cameroon]]; ±[[Category:Women authors]]→[[Category:Women authors from Cameroon]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]]</comment>
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      <text bytes="1545" sha1="gissglquapyqzln4ng63t3v3x81q85d" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Joyce Ashuntantang|Joyce Ashuntantang]]''' is a [[Cameroonian]] poet and creative writer. She has contributed to nine international anthologies of poetry and currently a tenured Professor of English at the [[w:University of Hartford|University of Hartford]], West Hartford, Connecticut.

== Quotes ==
* What is impossible with man is possible with God. {{source}}

* Hard work pays eventually.
** [https://www.joyceash.com/news_service/joyce-ashuntantang-still-on-the-go/]

* Time sometimes is the only solution. You just have to be patient for time to do the job.
** [https://www.joyceash.com/news_service/joyce-ashuntantang-still-on-the-go/]

* Belief in a God is essential for a productive life. It is the best gift parents can give their children. I remain grateful that my parents showed me the way to the Christian God.
** [https://www.joyceash.com/news_service/joyce-ashuntantang-still-on-the-go/]

* Doing good and being helpful to people is a healthy tonic- good for the soul and necessary for mankind.
** [https://www.joyceash.com/news_service/joyce-ashuntantang-still-on-the-go/]

* Small class sizes put every Hillyer student in a &quot;front row&quot; seat and as a result I get to know each student as an individual with his/her own needs and talents.
** [https://www.hartford.edu/academics/schools-colleges/hillyer/academics/departments/english-ks.aspx]

== External links ==
{{sister projects}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Ashuntantang, Joyce}}
[[Category:Poets from Cameroon]]
[[Category:Women authors from Cameroon]]
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  <page>
    <title>Uche Elendu</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
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    <revision>
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      <contributor>
        <username>GrimRob</username>
        <id>1187925</id>
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      <text bytes="9986" sha1="qg3l2qv0yljp0gxfreux5c9f1o2yodj" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Uche Elendu|Uche Elendu]]''' (born 14 July 1983) is a Nigerian actress, singer and entrepreneur

== Quotes ==  
* Acting is still my job and when I see a good script I jump at it.
** [https://www.sunnewsonline.com/ive-scary-dreams-uche-elendu/?amp]

* I’m a beautiful woman and I know what it takes to keep being beautiful. So, I’m extending it to other women who don’t know how to keep their body in good shape after delivery. I am also into skincare, hair, body sculpting; I run a beauty store basically.
** [https://www.thisdaylive.com/index.php/2019/09/28/uche-elendu-im-touching-lives-helping-women-achieve-their-body-goals-without-surgery/amp/]

* Men should know that good women are scarce. So, when you find one, learn to protect her, love and appreciate her efforts. Make her happy. There are lots of women out there but we have very few good women. Most women out there are materialistic, wicked; they are out to frustrate men because they have been hurt. So, when you get a woman that loves you unconditionally with or without money, appreciate her. Not all women are materialistic some women just want you to show them love, most of them go to church to pray for their husbands to have money, pray for their husbands protection and favour. Most spend their last card on their husbands to make sure they are happy but at the end what they get is rejection. Their husbands leave them to follow slay queens that will suck the little one they are able to get.
** [https://www.thisdaylive.com/index.php/2019/09/28/uche-elendu-im-touching-lives-helping-women-achieve-their-body-goals-without-surgery/amp/]

*Respect your woman, and give them a sense of belonging. Show them love, do not drive women into depression, that’s why I advise if the marriage is violent and you can’t bear it anymore my dear run for your life. Being single is better than single in the casket. I’m not in any way encouraging divorce, rather men love your wives. Women should also know their worth, love their husbands and be faithful. But never stay in a toxic relationship. Run for your dear life.
**[https://www.thisdaylive.com/index.php/2019/09/28/uche-elendu-im-touching-lives-helping-women-achieve-their-body-goals-without-surgery/amp/]

*It is understanding, tolerance, love of God. Fear of God is the beginning of wisdom. When you have a woman that fears God, the marriage is bound to work but when you have a woman that fears God and a man that doesn’t, and you try to make the man fear God and he refuses, be at alert. Because people that fear God have conscience, they do things because they feel He owns their life. For me, my say is before a woman goes into marriage, make sure it is with a man that fears God, loves, tolerates, share thoughts together and understands you well. The two parties should love each other, tolerate each other, pray together and share ideas together.
** [https://www.thisdaylive.com/index.php/2019/09/28/uche-elendu-im-touching-lives-helping-women-achieve-their-body-goals-without-surgery/amp/]

*Celebrities are human beings and as much as celebrities’ marriages crash, marriages around the world crash, it’s not about beeing a celebrity, but it’s just about the individuals. Marriage is coming together of two different people from two different opinions, different backgrounds, different understanding of life and marriage. So, when that understanding is not there it’s a big problem. Most men feel insecure and threatened when they marry celebrities.
**https://www.thisdaylive.com/index.php/2019/09/28/uche-elendu-im-touching-lives-helping-women-achieve-their-body-goals-without-surgery/amp/

*There’s no perfect man. But one thing is certain; whenever I fall I always pick myself up and then try again and again till I get it right.
**https://www.sunnewsonline.com/my-unforgettable-car-accident-uche-elendu-actress/?amp

*Everything can be achieved by hard work and determination. Never back down on your dreams. You can achieve anything you want if only you set your heart towards it and always talk to God about anything because He is the one to make it happen.
**[https://thenationonlineng.net/uche-elendu-will-always-daddys-girl/]

*Without sentiment, I say that a man has the most tendency to be unfaithful in a relationship”, she offered with conviction. There’s a popular saying that ‘It’s in a man’s DNA to cheat’. Most times, without reason or with the slightest excuse, men take the plunge. It’s typical for most men to stop by at bars after work to have a drink with the ‘boys’. From there, most times, they end up on another woman’s bed before heading home to their wives. Women on the other hand, are naturally composed while in relationships. Their resistance to cheating is strong. This is not to say women do not cheat, but on the average and by virtue of their DNA, they are keepers. They are programmed to keep the home alive and united, they hold the home with prayers, they fix meals, care for the kids etc. Where in this tight schedule does she have the time to cheat? Any day, any time, women are more faithful
**[https://www.vanguardngr.com/2018/09/women-are-more-loyal-in-romantic-relationships-than-men-uche-elendu/amp/]

*I eat right and stay completely off junk food. Although, I eat very well and most importantly, I don’t do late night foods. I don’t eat after 6pm and I take my stay fit herbal tea twice daily; that keeps me feeling healthy and clean on the inside. I also snack on fruits.
*Domestic violence is about power and control. Though, the term violence has physical connotations, domestic violence or abuse can occur in non-physical ways. When a man refuses to provide for the family, it is domestic abuse. When a woman refuses to carry out her domestic and conjugal obligations in the home, it is also domestic violence, because these things give rise to verbal abuse, sexual abuse and even physical violence. Domestic violence is a total violation of the plan that God had when he joined man and woman together. It’s totally against God’s plan for families.
*To curb domestic violence, women have a great role to play by understanding the kind of men they get married to or get entangled with. They must understand their temperament thereby limiting the use of verbal abuse that will give rise to physical battering. Also, women should know when a man is irresponsible and easily intoxicated and gets physical at every provocation and then walk out of such a demonic relationship or marriage. Men also have a great role to play by understanding the fact that women’s strength lies in their tongue and they don’t mean almost everything they say. In fact, both parties in a marriage have roles to play in stopping domestic violence
*Let’s face it: we have more successful women today than before. More women are working and making a living for themselves. They are fully independent of their husbands. And so it is a problem in most homes. Also, most people feel female celebrities always cheat. It is not always that way in most cases. Celebrity women have admirers, they are also admired by their fans, they have male colleagues, but their ability to keep these relationships cordial is the main issue.
**[https://tribuneonlineng.com/why-nollywood-actors-are-doing-other-businesses-uche-elendu/]

*If one really takes into consideration the things that people say on social media, one would get depressed. If one wakes up very happy and goes to one’s page, only to see very strange comments, it can throw one off balance and spoil one’s day. There are many frustrated and depressed people out there who like to go on social media to pour their frustration on others that they think are doing better than them.
**[https://punchng.com/there-are-many-frustrated-people-on-social-media-uche-elendu/?amp]

*Really, I think people should focus on themselves, instead of concentrating on what others are doing on social media. If one is influenced by what one sees on social media, one would realise that life is not always as beautiful as portrayed in pictures and videos.
**[https://punchng.com/there-are-many-frustrated-people-on-social-media-uche-elendu/?amp]

*Of course, I am a very beautiful woman and I should get passes. If nobody makes a pass at me, then I’d be worried. But as a Christian, I do things right. I am mature enough to control things and make the right decisions
**[https://punchng.com/id-be-worried-if-men-dont-make-passes-at-me-uche-elendu/]

*From my first marriage, I learnt not to be in a hurry to do anything. Don’t be in a haste to jump into marriage; you should really take your time to make sure that you’re with the right person and you’re both compatible. I got married to a very wonderful man but I guess we were not compatible. Don’t just get married because everybody else is doing that, or based on a person’s good looks and money.
**[https://punchng.com/id-be-worried-if-men-dont-make-passes-at-me-uche-elendu/]

*From my first marriage, I learnt not to be in a hurry to do anything. Don’t be in a haste to jump into marriage; you should really take your time to make sure that you’re with the right person and you’re both compatible. I got married to a very wonderful man but I guess we were not compatible. Don’t just get married because everybody else is doing that, or based on a person’s good looks and money.
**https://punchng.com/id-be-worried-if-men-dont-make-passes-at-me-uche-elendu/

*Marriage is not friendship or courtship; it is a serious business. You also have to pray about it and that’s one of the mistakes I made because I didn’t pray about my marriage. When problems arise in your marriage, you should be able to endure. I guess I was always too quick to act. Give God a chance in your marriage
**https://punchng.com/id-be-worried-if-men-dont-make-passes-at-me-uche-elendu/

== External links== 
{{wikipedia}} 

{{DEFAULTSORT:Elendu, Uche}}

[[Category:Living people]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Kelley Armstrong</title>
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        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
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      <comment>−[[Category:Women from Canada]]; ±[[Category:Women authors]]→[[Category:Women authors from Canada]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]]</comment>
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      <text bytes="4093" sha1="ac17nf2g5m9zpndtf8uww5d8bwah4ze" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Kelley Armstrong.jpg|thumb|Kelley Armstrong (2005)]]

'''[[w:Kelley Armstrong|Kelley Armstrong]]''' (born 14 December 1968) is a Canadian writer, primarily of [[w:fantasy|fantasy]] novels.

== Quotes ==

=== ''[[w:Kelley Armstrong|A Rip Through Time]]'' (2022) ===
:&lt;small&gt; All page numbers are from the hardcover first edition published by Minotaur Books, {{ISBN|978-1-250-82000-6}} &lt;/small&gt;

* Here’s where I’m going wrong. Well, one of the many ways I am going wrong. I feel superior to these people. I’m from the twenty-first century. So much more enlightened than them. That’s bullshit, of course.&lt;br&gt;I have the advantages of the modern world. Thinking it makes me smarter is the polar opposite of “enlightened.”
** Chapter 5 (p. 30)

* Fate deals unexpected hands, and we learn to play the cards we are given.
** Chapter 8 (p. 54)

* Scotland has a reputation for overcast, drizzly weather, but in Edinburgh you get the wind thrown in for free.
** Chapter 16 (p. 127)

* Science and popular opinion rarely progress at the same rate.
** Chapter 25 (p. 195)

* Judging by what I read of Lady Inglis’s letter, Victorians are having—and enjoying—sex. They just don’t talk about it. How terribly Victorian of them.
** Chapter 28 (p. 222)

=== ''[[w:Kelley Armstrong|The Poisoner's Ring]]'' (2023) ===
:&lt;small&gt; All page numbers are from the hardcover first edition published by Minotaur Books, {{ISBN|978-1-250-82003-7}} &lt;/small&gt;

* Like so many regulations [[w:Anatomy Act 1832|the Anatomy Act]] was created to solve one problem and caused another.
** Chapter 2 (p. 10)

* Ultimately, you are his physician, which is probably why he is about to die.
** Chapter 7 (p. 52)

* To her credit, she is interesting. In the same way as a venomous snake.
** Chapter 8 (p. 58)

* My husband is already dead. He only needs to stop breathing to make it official.
** Chapter 8 (p. 59)

* Victorian [[flirting]] doesn’t require much. Flatter him. Laugh at his jokes. Let him ogle my cleavage. Okay, this probably also works in my own time.
** Chapter 11 (p. 78)

* Yet not everyone reading [[w:Broadside (printing)|broadsheets]] realizes they aren’t accurate reporting, making them the internet news sites of the Victorian era.
** Chapter 13 (p. 96)

* He was the worst sort of gentry—the sort that mistakes the luck of birth for an actual accomplishment. As if he chose to be born into money and title and had nothing but contempt for those of us lacking the foresight to do the same.
** Chapter 13 (p. 99)

* I feel that the more I discuss the [[future]] with you, the more discouraged I become.
** Chapter 18 (p. 130)

* “Have you been drinking?” I say.&lt;br&gt;“Why does everyone ask me that when I am in a good mood?”
** Chapter 25 (p. 177)

* He flips a [[w:Threepence (British coin)|thruppence]] my way. I catch it.&lt;br&gt;“Why thank you, sir. I find I have grown most fond of money.”&lt;br&gt;“Odd. That seems a common condition among those who do not have it.”
** Chapter 34 (p. 244)

* There’s cruel, and then there’s downright [[evil]].
** Chapter 40 (p. 284)

* After all, women feign interest in men all the time to better their positions.
** Chapter 48 (p. 336)

=== ''[[w:Kelley Armstrong|Cocktails &amp; Chloroform]]'' (2023) ===
:&lt;small&gt; All page numbers are from the hardcover first edition published by Subterranean Press, {{ISBN|978-1-64524-161-4}} &lt;/small&gt;

* She isn’t old and cranky. She’s just cranky.
** Chapter 1 (p. 13)

* I no longer wonder at Victorian mortality rates. Now I just marvel that anyone survived at all.
** Chapter 3 (p. 39)

* I’d never say I ''don’t'' want him coming to my rescue if I need it. I’m a feminist, not an idiot.
** Chapter 6 (p. 72)

== External links ==
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      <text bytes="27739" sha1="ex6c9wbk7p6hmuoxkscipy51fm7ixv3" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Official portrait of Lee Anderson MP crop 2.jpg|thumb|Lee Anderson in 2019]]
'''[[w:Lee Anderson (British politician)|Lee Anderson]]''' (born 6 January 1967) is a British politician who has been the [[w:Member of Parliament (United Kingdom)|Member of Parliament]] (MP) for [[w:Ashfield (UK Parliament constituency)|Ashfield]] in [[w:Nottinghamshire|Nottinghamshire]] since [[w:2019 United Kingdom general election|2019]]. Originally elected as a [[w:Conservative Party (UK)|Conservative]], he was appointed as a [[w:Deputy Chairman of the Conservative Party|Deputy Chairman of the Conservative Party]] in February 2023, but resigned from the post in January 2024 in order to vote for an amendment to the [[w:Rwanda asylum plan|Safety of Rwanda (Asylum and Immigration) Bill]]. The [[w:Whip (politics)|parliamentary whip]] was suspended in February 2024 after Anderson's comments about [[Sadiq Khan]], the London Mayor, leading him to switch his party affiliation to [[w:Reform UK|Reform UK]] the following month. He is the party's Chief Whip in the Commons and was appointed its Chairman in May 2025. Since 2023, Anderson has hosted a show on [[w:GB News|GB News]] and is reportedly being paid £100,000 per annum by the channel. Prior to his parliamentary career, he was a [[w:Labour Party (UK)|Labour]] councillor in [[w:Ashfield District|Ashfield]], but defected to the Conservative Party in 2018. 

==Quotes==
===2019===
* [On nuisance [[w:Public housing in the United Kingdom|council tenants]]] People say, &quot;They have got to live somewhere&quot;. That’s right, so my plan would be — and again, this is just my own personal opinion — that these people, who have to live somewhere, let’s have them in a tent, in the middle of a field. Six o’clock every morning, let’s have them up. Let’s have them in the field, picking potatoes or any other seasonal vegetables, back in the tent, cold shower, lights out, six o’clock, same again the next day. That would be my solution.
** Comments in a campaign video posted on [[w:Facebook|Facebook]] cited by Kate Devlin in [https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/force-nuisance-council-tenants-to-work-the-fields-says-tory-general-election-candidate-9d7l28863 &quot;Force nuisance council tenants to work the fields, says Tory general election candidate&quot;] ''The Times'' (19 November 2019)

* [M]ake out you know who I am, that you know I'm the candidate but not that you are a friend.
** Phone call picked up by Anderson's microphone ahead of canvassing visit while being followed by reporter [[w:Michael Crick|Michel Crick]] (working for the [[w:DMG Media|Mail+]] website) during the 2019 general election campaign, as cited in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/election-2019-50558306 &quot;Ashfield candidate faces criticism over 'fake door knock'&quot;] ''BBC News'' (29 November 2019). Anderson had explained the phone call to the camera crew as &quot;some leaflets have just come for me&quot;.

* All throughout my time in the Labour Party, every meeting I went to, I always had my rant [...] They always used to say: &quot;Why don’t you go and join the Tory party?&quot; This went on for years. And then I did.
* The Tory party's picked me for a reason: I'm an ex-miner in a mining town [...] I campaigned to [[w:2016 United Kingdom European Union membership referendum|Leave]]. They know my history. It's easier for somebody to vote for me if they see me as one of them. It probably makes it acceptable to vote Tory if it's an ex-pitman – rather than some posh Tory boy.
** Interviewed during the [[w:2019 United Kingdom general election|2019 general election]] campaign, as cited in [https://www.newstatesman.com/politics/2019/12/on-the-road-in-ashfield-the-uks-most-gambled-on-constituency &quot;On the road in Ashfield, the UK’s most gambled-on constituency&quot;] ''New Statesman'' (10 December 2019)

===2021===
* For the first time in my life I will not be watching my beloved [[w:England national football team|England team]] whilst they are supporting a political movement whose core principles aim to undermine our very way of life.
** Opposing the English football team's [[w:Taking the knee|taking the knee]] gesture in support of the [[w:Black Lives Matter|Black Lives Matter]] protests during [[w:UEFA Euro 2020|Euro 2020]] (held in June/July 2021), as cited by Jessica Murray in [https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2021/jun/06/tory-mp-to-boycott-england-games-in-row-over-taking-the-knee &quot;Tory MP to boycott England games in row over taking the knee&quot;] ''The Guardian'' (6 June 2021)

* I would be in favour of [using] the [[w:Falkland Islands|Falkland Islands]]. The only way we will put these people off is by giving them the message that if you come here you are going to be sent 8,000 miles away.
** Explaining he had lobbied an immigration minister on this suggestion, cited in [https://www.theguardian.com/world/2021/nov/21/migrant-crossings-are-becoming-a-problem-for-red-wall-tory-mps &quot;Tory MPs suggest sending migrants to UK to the Falklands&quot;] ''The Guardian'' (21 November 2021)

* There should be no place in politics for MPs to make financial gain from private companies in return for lobbying.&lt;br /&gt;We are paid handsomely for the job we do and if you need an extra £100,000 a year on top then you should really be looking for another job.
** On the [[w:Owen Paterson|Owen Paterson]] lobbying controversy (late 2021), as cited in [https://www.telegraph.co.uk/politics/2023/06/23/lee-anderson-everything-good-world-started-britain-gb-news/ &quot;Lee Anderson: Everything that is good in the world started in Britain&quot;] ''The Telegraph'' (23 June 2023)

===2022===
* What we do at the food bank, we show them how to cook cheap and nutritious meals on a budget [...] We can make a meal for about 30 pence a day, and this is cooking from scratch.
* [Asked by a Labour MP if [[w:Food bank|food banks]] should be necessary in Britain.] I think you’ll see first-hand that there's not this massive use for food banks in this country.&lt;br /&gt;We’ve got generation after generation that cannot cook properly, they can't cook a meal from scratch, they cannot budget, the challenge is there. Come to Ashfield, come to a real food bank that's making a real difference to people’s lives.
** Comments during a debate in the House of Commons, as cited in [https://www.telegraph.co.uk/politics/2022/05/11/people-use-food-banks-cant-budget-cook-claims-tory-mp/ &quot;People use food banks because they can't budget or cook, claims Tory MP&quot;] ''The Telegraph'' (11 May 2022)

* [Responding to criticism following his comments about food banks] The last cooking session we did, which we publicised - where we had four MPs here - we made I think 180 meals for fifty quid, which is 30p each.&lt;br /&gt;So there's the real proof, so if people want to come here and have a go and we can teach them then surely they will stand back and say we can cook on a budget and thank you for doing it.
** [https://www.itv.com/news/central/2022-05-13/food-bank-row-tory-mp-lee-anderson-says-he-has-proven-he-can-make-meals-for-30p &quot;Food bank row Tory MP Lee Anderson says he has proven he can make meals for 30p&quot;] ''ITV News'' (13 May 2022)

* I've got a big bee in my bonnet about food poverty. I'm a big believer that we do need food banks, but not to the degree we've got them. '''Every do gooder is starting these little projects to make themselves feel good.'''
** [https://www.walesonline.co.uk/news/uk-news/tory-mp-claims-uk-only-25161026 &quot;Tory MP claims UK will only have 'big problem' when Wetherspoons is empty&quot;] ''Walesonline'' (3 October 2022)

* We've got the gutter press lurking around every corner trying to cause problems. [...] We had [[Brexit]], we had [[Boris Johnson|Boris]], we had [[Jeremy Corbyn]], that was three years ago, now it is a different ball game under [[Theresa May]].
** Comments during the October 2022 Conservative Party annual conference, as cited in [https://www.standard.co.uk/news/uk/who-lee-anderson-conservative-tory-deputy-chairman-b1058605.html &quot;Who is Lee Anderson? The glories and gaffes of the new Conservative Party deputy chairman&quot;] ''Evening Standard'' (9 February 2023)
** The British prime minister at the time of these comments was [[Liz Truss]]. Theresa May was prime minister between 2016 and 2019.

* [On the possibility comedian [[Eddie Izzard]], who identifies as transgender, might be elected to parliament.] Is that what's coming to parliament? I think it opens a whole new debate, mate. I’m going to be honest now, controversial as always, if he does get elected and I’m still here, I shouldn't be following him into the toilets.
** In an interview on [[w:TalkTV (British TV channel)|TalkTV]], cited by Aletha Adu and Aubrey Allegretti in [https://www.theguardian.com/culture/2022/oct/26/tory-mp-under-fire-for-transphobic-comments-about-eddie-izzard &quot;Tory MP under fire for transphobic comments about Eddie Izzard&quot;] ''The Guardian'' (26 October 2022)

===2023===
* [On a clash with anti-Brexit protester, [[w:Steve Bray|Steve Bray]].] He had a go at my weight. This is a man who was quite clearly out of condition. I'm trying to do something about it, but here is a challenge [...] He is a nuisance. And I've got a challenge for him: Meet me in the boxing ring. Let's do three rounds. And if I win, he never protests out there again. And if he wins, I'll go and protest with him. 
* This week I’ve been called lard &lt;!-- as rendered in the source --&gt;a--- pot belly MP. I've been called a fat &lt;!-- as rendered in the source --&gt;b------ all over Twitter. Most of them are hidden profiles, keyboard cowards.&lt;br /&gt;I used to watch [[w:Popeye|Popeye]] as a kid. Every time he had his tin of spinach, he got stronger and that's what it is like for me every time I got one of these horrible comments. My haters are my motivators.
** On the Telegraph's Choppers podcast, as reproduced in [https://www.telegraph.co.uk/politics/2023/01/19/lee-anderson-challenges-steve-bray-boxing-match/ &quot;Lee Anderson challenges Steve Bray to a boxing match&quot;] ''The Telegraph'' (20 January 2023)

* [After another Conservative MP predicted losses at the May local elections and the next general election] It's like the band on the Titanic. Playing the same tune and ignoring the obvious.
** From leaked [[w:WhatsApp|WhatsApp]] messages from the [[w:Common Sense Group|Common Sense Group]] of MPs as cited in [https://news.sky.com/story/lee-anderson-tory-mp-likens-government-to-titanic-band-in-heated-whatsapp-exchange-about-small-boat-crossings-12798763 &quot;Lee Anderson: Tory MP likens government to Titanic band in heated WhatsApp exchange about small boat crossings&quot;] ''Sky News'' (29 January 2023)

* '''Nobody has ever committed a crime after being executed.''' You know that, don't you? 100 per cent success rate. [...] Now, I'd be very careful on that one because you’ll get certain groups saying: &quot;You can never prove it.&quot; Well, you can prove it if they have videoed it and are on camera – like the [[w:Murder of Lee Rigby|Lee Rigby killers]]. I mean, they should have gone, same week. I don’t want to pay for these people.
* [Anderson said he was informed on a visit to Calais the migrants there were referring to the UK as [[w:El Dorado|El Dorado]].] They are seeing a country where the streets are paved with gold – where, once you land, they are not in that manky little &lt;!-- as rendered in the source --&gt;f------ scruffy tent [...] They are going to be in a four-star hotel. And they know that Serco is buying up houses everywhere to put them in for the next five years. Why wouldn't you come?&lt;br /&gt;For some reason, [[w:Palace of Westminster|in this place]], saying the obvious – they just call it populist. It's our job to represent opinions of people in our country. If people are angry about small boats, then we should be angry.
* [Asked about a resolution] I'd send them straight back the same day. I'd put them on a Royal Navy frigate or whatever and sail it to Calais, have a standoff. And they'd just stop coming.
** Interview in ''[[w:The Spectator|The Spectator]]'' conducted just before Anderson was appointed as Conservative vice-chairman, as cited in [https://www.telegraph.co.uk/politics/2023/02/08/new-tory-deputy-chairman-lee-anderson-backs-death-penalty/ &quot;New Tory deputy chairman Lee Anderson backs death penalty&quot;] ''The Telegraph'' (8 February 2023).
** See [[w:Capital punishment in the United Kingdom|Capital punishment in the United Kingdom]].

* [On being told a 11 minute BBC interview could not be broadcast in full.] I’m asking you now not to play it. I can’t trust you to play the whole lot and be fair to me.&lt;br /&gt;We’re supposed to be talking about my role as a chairman. Listen, listen! We’re supposed to be talking about my role as deputy chairman, not the other stuff.&lt;br /&gt;You went off on a tangent … So don’t play it please. If you do, I will never give you anything again.
** [https://www.thenational.scot/news/23309891.bbcs-car-crash-interview-tory-deputy-chair-lee-anderson-full/ &quot;BBC's car-crash interview with Tory deputy chair Lee Anderson IN FULL&quot;] ''The National'' (9 February 2023)
** The interview was for [[w:BBC Radio Nottingham|BBC Radio Nottingham]], pre-recorded on 8 February. The BBC later published the complete interview.

* Hold on grandad, come outside and we'll sort it out.
** [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/lee-anderson-andrew-bridgen-tory-fight-b2327485.html &quot;Top Tory in 'aggressive' row with expelled MP and Game of Thrones star's dad: 'Outside and we'll sort it out'&quot;] ''The Independent'' (26 April 2023)
** Reported comment (6 April 2023) to former Conservative councillor Sebastian Leslie (then aged 69) during an argument at [[w:Portcullis House|Portcullis House]] over the party's expulsion of MP [[w:Andrew Bridgen|Andrew Bridgen]] (with whom Leslie was dining) for comparing Coronavirus vaccines to the Holocaust. Sebastian Leslie's daughter is [[w:Rose Leslie|Rose Leslie]] who performed the role of [[w:List of Game of Thrones characters#Ygritte|Ygritte]] in ''[[Game of Thrones]]''.

* 'Not My King?' If you do not wish to live in a country that has a monarchy, the solution is not to turn up with your silly boards. The solution is to emigrate.
** Tweet (6 May 2023) after protests at the [[w:Coronation of Charles III and Camilla|Coronation of Charles III and Camilla]] cited in [https://www.telegraph.co.uk/royal-family/2023/05/06/anti-monarchists-should-leave-uk-lee-anderson/ &quot;Anti-monarchists should leave UK, says Lee Anderson&quot;] ''The Telegraph'' (6 May 2023)

* Look, we are a great country. We are a gift to the world. We are now an independent, trading, sovereign nation, a gift to the world. I keep saying this to anybody that will listen.
* Look at the things we've done in the past. We've given railways, we've given technology, the Industrial Revolution, arts, culture, Dickens, Shakespeare, sports. Look at, you know, football, tennis, rugby, golf – '''everything that's good in this world started on this great island of ours.'''
** On his [[w:GB News|GB News]] programme (23 June 2023), as cited in [https://www.telegraph.co.uk/politics/2023/06/23/lee-anderson-everything-good-world-started-britain-gb-news/ &quot;Lee Anderson: Everything that is good in the world started in Britain&quot;] ''The Telegraph'' (23 June 2023)

* [On [[w:Tim Davie|Tim Davie]], BBC director-general at the time, who advocated for diversity in recruitment] I wrote to him and pointed out that since the BBC started having director-generals in 1927, they've all been white. I asked, why don't you resign and give the job to a black person? He never responded.
* [On people in high positions] They've gone [[w:Woke|woke]], haven't they? They're hypocrites. They want things to be done but they want somebody else to do it. People are saying that I'm stoking the [[w:Culture war|culture wars]]. Well, I'm not. I'm just fighting back. I'm just saying, shut up.
** Interviewed in [https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/lee-anderson-single-dad-former-miner-and-sunaks-secret-weapon-wxznp7ncz &quot;Lee Anderson: single dad, former miner and Sunak’s secret weapon&quot;] ''The Sunday Times'' (25  June 2023)

* [The BBC is] a safe haven for perverts.
** Following allegations against an &lt;!-- Anonymous until 13 July. --&gt;unnamed BBC presenter (later identified as [[w:Huw Edwards|Huw Edwards]]) cited in [https://www.ft.com/content/34c31089-2267-42b6-a88b-ec93f6842d00 &quot;The BBC’s never-ending crisis&quot;] ''Financial Times'' (14 July 2023)
** Originally reported by the ''Daily Express'' (10 July 2023).

* In just a few months time, young men and young women from all over the country will be going to university, a place of learning. They're going to have a good time, they're going to work hard and hopefully get better careers.&lt;br /&gt;But in the meantime, in our universities there are a certain group of people who are trying to influence and indoctrinate our young people.
* [Ten years ago (presumably in 2013), his son began studies at the University of Sheffield] I didn't see him for months, he came back different. He had long hair, he had a beard. His clothes were different, a different attitude and outlook on life. I thought – &quot;my goodness, Harry, what's happened to you.&quot;&lt;br /&gt;He sat down with me on the settee, he put his arm on my hand and he says: &quot;Dad, I've been away for a few months now and I've come back and I'm not the Harry that went away all those months ago. I'm different now, I'm a different person.&quot;
* [Anderson said his son had become a vegetarian] Shocking, absolutely shocking. Let that be a warning to you
** In an appearance on GB News ''Lee Anderson: Real Time'', as cited in [https://www.thenational.scot/news/23688163.lee-anderson-describes-shocking-moment-son-says-vegetarian/ &quot;Lee Anderson describes 'shocking' moment son says he's vegetarian&quot;], ''The National'' (Scotland, 29 July 2023)

* If they don't like barges then they should &lt;!-- as rendered in the source --&gt;f*** off back to France.
* These people come across the Channel in small boats ... if they don't like the conditions they are housed in here then they should go back to France, or better not come at all in the first place.
** Speaking to the ''Express'' website, as cited in [https://news.sky.com/story/lee-anderson-downing-street-backs-tory-deputy-chairman-after-he-told-migrants-who-dont-like-barges-to-go-back-to-france-12935966 &quot;Tory deputy chairman after he told migrants who don't like barges to 'go back to France'&quot;], ''Sky News'' (8 August 2023)
** The [[w:Bibby Stockholm|Bibby Stockholm]] barge, moored in Dorset and ultimately intended to hold 500 asylum seekers by the British government, was housing the first 15 individuals from the previous day. [[w:10 Downing Street|Downing Street]] said the government's position was reflected in the comments of Justice Secretary [[w:Alex Chalk|Alex Chalk]] who, on [[w:LBC|LBC]], defended Anderson's argument and use of &quot;salty terms&quot;.

* I have had loads, yeah... 55 in one day.
** As cited in [https://www.itv.com/news/2023-09-01/i-had-55-in-one-day-tory-mp-lee-anderson-reveals-daily-death-threats &quot;'I had 55 in one day': Tory MP Lee Anderson reveals daily death threats&quot;], ''ITV News'' (1 September 2023)

* My take is we should just put the planes in the air now and send them to Rwanda and show strength.
* I think we should ignore the laws and send them straight back the same day.
** [https://www.lbc.co.uk/news/tory-fury-after-supreme-court-rwanda-ruling/ &quot;'Ignore the laws and put the planes in the air now': Tory fury after Supreme Court rules against Rwanda migrant plan&quot;], ''LBC'' (15 November 2023)
** The government's [[w:Rwanda asylum plan|Rwanda asylum plan]] had been declared unlawful by the UK's [[w:Supreme Court of the United Kingdom|Supreme Court]]. The plan was intended as a solution to thousands of [[w:English Channel migrant crossings (2018–present)|migrants who have crossed the English channel]] in small boats.

* [After recalling his suggestion to [[Boris Johnson]] around 2021] But I don't think it's fair on the [[w:Falkland Islands|Falkland Islands]] to be honest; they don’t want these illegal migrants going down there. There's a better option: we can keep them on British soil, if you like. We've got the Orkneys or some remote Scottish island.&lt;br /&gt;I know it's a bit parky [cold] up there this time of year. But if people are genuinely escaping war or persecution then a nice Scottish island with a few outbuildings would be suitable. This is a beautiful country. Parts of Scotland are a 'go to' destination, the remote islands – I'd like to be able to afford a place up there.&lt;br /&gt;If we can get some accommodation up there, keep these people safe – these people want to be safe, they're fleeing so-called persecution from these war-torn countries. If we can find an island in the Orkneys or up there that's got no one on there to start off with, put some decent accommodation on, then it's job done.
** On GB News, as cited in [https://www.telegraph.co.uk/politics/2023/11/22/send-asylum-seekers-orkney-islands-rwanda-lee-anderson/ &quot;Send asylum seekers to Orkney Islands not Rwanda, says Lee Anderson&quot;], ''The Telegraph'' (22 November 2023)

* Now there is — we're not taping this, are we? [laughter] — there is a political party that begins with an R that offered me a lot of money to join them. I say a lot of money, I mean a lot of money. ... And I wouldn't join them, OK, because we've a got by-election in Mid-Beds next week. Reform have got a candidate.
** In an event at Cambridge Rugby Club organised by the South Cambridgeshire Conservative Association (October 2023), as cited in [https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/lee-anderson-offered-money-defect-reform-party-03fktxrl2 &quot;Lee Anderson: I was offered ‘a lot of money’ to join Reform UK&quot;], ''The Sunday Times'' (26 November 2023)
** [[w:Reform UK|Reform Party]] leader [[w:Richard Tice|Richard Tice]] denied the claim made by Anderson.

===2024–present===
* I think he needs to pipe down a little bit because if the unthinkable happens and next year, we do get a Labour government and Richard Tice is on his media platforms saying what a disaster 'Starmergeddon' and what a disaster the Labour Party are, I shall be reminding Mr Tice it was him that helped them get elected.
** From a [[w:GB News|GB News]] interview, as cited in [https://www.telegraph.co.uk/politics/2024/01/04/lee-anderson-brands-reform-leader-pound-shop-nigel-farage/ &quot;Lee Anderson brands Reform UK leader a 'pound shop Nigel Farage'&quot;], ''The Telegraph'' (4 January 2024)

* I was going to vote no. I went into the no lobby to vote no, because I couldn't see how I could support the bill after backing all the amendments. I got into the no lobby and I spent about two or three minutes with a colleague in there. The Labour lot were giggling and laughing and taking the mick and I couldn't do it: In my heart of hearts, I couldn't vote no.&lt;br /&gt;So I walked out and abstained.
** Explaining in a GB News interview why he abstained on the Safety of Rwanda bill, as cited in [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/rwanda-lee-anderson-tory-mp-b2480667.html &quot;Tory MP Lee Anderson did not vote against Rwanda bill because Labour MPs 'giggled' at him&quot;], ''The Independent'' (18 January 2024).
** The Rwanda policy [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cz9dn8erg3zo was scrapped] by the incoming Starmer government in July.

* [I]t was them that gave me the job [...] It was them that financially backed me, it's them that's protected me, it's them that's given me a political home [...] So why would I knife them in the back?
** As cited by Amy Gibbons in [https://www.telegraph.co.uk/politics/2024/01/24/lee-anderson-rwanda-bill-deputy-chairman-job-rishi-sunak/ &quot;No 10 could reinstate Lee Anderson as deputy Tory chairman&quot;], ''The Telegraph'' (24 January 2024
** After replying &quot;no&quot; when asked if there was &quot;any conceivable world&quot; in which he would join Reform. He was expressing his &quot;debt of gratitude&quot; to the Conservatives. He said he should have voted for the Rwanda bill and No 10 had commented: &quot;we have a lot of time for Lee&quot;.

* I don't actually believe that the [[Islamism|Islamists]] have got control of our country, but what I do believe is they've got control of [[Sadiq Khan|[Sadiq] Khan]], and they've got control of London.
* He's actually given our capital city away to his mates
** Comments on [[w:GB News|GB News]] (23 February 2024), as cited in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-68392026 &quot;Sadiq Khan criticises PM for failing to condemn Lee Anderson's remarks&quot;], ''BBC News'' (23 February 2024).
** Anderson was responding to [https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2024/02/22/islamists-are-bullying-britain-into-submission/ an article] by the former Home Secretary [[Suella Braverman]] for ''The Telegraph''. Khan in response said Anderson was &quot;pouring fuel on the fire of anti-Muslim hatred.&quot; Anderson, who was criticised by other Conservatives MPs for his comments, lost his party's parliamentary whip as a result of his comments.

* If you are wrong, apologising is not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength. But when you think you are right you should never apologise because to do so would be a sign of weakness.
** Comments on GB News (26 February 2024), as cited in [https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/lee-anderson-comments-sadiq-khan-rishi-sunak-islamists-8nqn0p72q &quot;Lee Anderson digs in as Rishi Sunak condemns Sadiq Khan comments&quot;], ''The Times'' (26 February 2024).
** In a radio interview that morning, [[Rishi Sunak]] said Anderson's &quot;choice of words&quot; about Khan &quot;wasn’t acceptable and it was wrong&quot;.

* There's not been a turning point. We all know that sometimes politicians are about as trustworthy as journalists in what they say and do.
** At the press conference announcing his switch to Reform (11 March 2024), as cited in [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/lee-anderson-reform-uk-tory-richard-tice-b2510569.html &quot;Ex-Tory deputy chair Lee Anderson joins right-wing populist party Reform UK&quot;], ''The Independent'' (11 March 2024).
** Asked about his January comments Reform is &quot;not a proper political party&quot;.

==About Lee Anderson==
* Anderson thinks he understands Britain, and in some ways he does. But what he's missed is our saddest trait: feeling ashamed to ask for help. Hardly anyone is going to a food bank as a jolly, and when there are now more food banks in the UK than branches of [[w:McDonald's|McDonald's]], it's clear where the demand really is in Britain today.
** Anoosh Chakelian [https://www.newstatesman.com/thestaggers/2023/03/lee-anderson-thinks-britain-sad-key-truth-foodbanks &quot;Lee Anderson thinks he knows Britain – but he’s missed one sad key truth&quot;], ''The New Statesman'' (2 March 2023).

* The official Tory line on Anderson is that if what he says upsets you, then you're a snob or out of touch. That's an interesting way to describe a significant number of Conservative voters, plus a [[Rishi Sunak|prime minister]] immediately forced to clarify that actually he doesn't agree with Lee about the death penalty.
** [[Gaby Hinsliff]] [https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2023/feb/10/its-not-just-that-lee-anderson-is-wrong-about-hanging-hes-also-the-wrong-man-to-stop-the-tories-sinking &quot;It’s not just that Lee Anderson is wrong about hanging: he’s also the wrong man to stop the Tories sinking&quot;], ''The Guardian'' (10 February 2023).

==External links==
{{Wikipedia|Lee Anderson (British politician)}}

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    <title>Ayesha Harruna Attah</title>
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'''[[w:Ayesha Harruna Attah|Ayesha Harruna Attah]]''' (born December 1983) is a Ghanaian-born fiction writer. She lives in Senegal.

== Quotes ==
*'''My parents were my first major influences. They ran a literary magazine called Imagine, which had stories about Accra; articles on art, science, film, books; cartoons—which I especially loved. They were (and still are) my heroes. I discovered Toni Morrison when I was thirteen, and I was hooked. I devoured everything she wrote. I remember reading Paradise, and while its meaning completely evaded me then, I was left feeling like it was the most amazing book written and that one day I wanted to write a world full of strong female characters, just like Ms. Morrison had done.
** Daniel Musiitwa, &quot;Interview with Ghanaian Author Ayesha Harruna Attah&quot;, Africa Book Club, 1 May 2015.

== External links ==
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'''[[w:Jemila Abdulai|Jemila Abdulai]]''' is a Ghanaian blogger, writer and digital marketer.

== Quotes ==
*Traditional media in Ghana has a reputation for being politicized, particularly during elections. That’s why social media initiatives like Ghana Decides are important. They offer a good balance for Ghanaians at home and abroad: non-partisan, factual, and issue based information, with none of the ‘politricks’.
**[https://edition.cnn.com/2016/11/30/africa/ghana-elections-2016/index.html/ Mistrust elections? There’s an app for that], Loren Treisman (December 7, 2016)

== External links ==
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'''[[w:Ama Ata Aidoo|Christina Ama Ata Aidoo]]''' (March 23, 1942–May 31, 2023) was a Ghanaian author, poet, playwright, politician, and academic. She was [[w:Ministry of Education (Ghana)|Secretary for Education]] in [[Ghana]] from 1982 to 1983 under [[w:Jerry Rawlings|Jerry Rawlings]]'s [[w:Provisional National Defence Council|PNDC]] administration. Her first play, ''[[w:The Dilemma of a Ghost|The Dilemma of a Ghost]]'', was published in 1965, making Aidoo the first published female African dramatist. As a novelist, she won the [[w:Commonwealth Writers' Prize|Commonwealth Writers' Prize]] in 1992 with the novel ''[[w:Changes: A Love Story|Changes]]''. In 2000, she established the [[w:Mbaasem Foundation|Mbaasem Foundation]] in [[w:Accra|Accra]] to promote and support the work of African women writers.

==Quotes==
===''[[w:The Dilemma of a Ghost|The Dilemma of a Ghost]]'' (1964) ===
* Money making is like a god possessing a priest. He never will leave you, until he has occupied you, wholly changed the order of your being, and seared you through and up and down, Then only would he eventually leave you, but nothing of you except an exhausted wreck, lying prone and wondering who are you.

* The best way to sharpen a knife is not to whet one side of it only. And neither can you solve a riddle by considering only one end of it.

===''No Sweetness Here: A Collection of Short Stories'' (1970)===
* People are worms, and even the God who created them is immensely bored with their antics.

* The very old certainly do not go back on lunch remains but they do bite back at old conversational topics.

===''Our Sister Killjoy'' (1977)===
*But what she also came to know was that someone somewhere would always see in any kind of difference, an excuse to be mean.

*We are victims of our history and our present. They place too many obstacles in the way of love. And we cannot enjoy even our differences in peace.

*Sissie knew that she had to stop herself from crying. Why weep for them? In fact, stronger in her was the desire to ask somebody why the entire world has had to pay so much and is still paying so much for some folks' unhappiness.

*it is quite clear now that all of the peoples of the earth have not always wished one another well. Indeed we are certain now, are we not, that so many people have wished us ill. They wish us ill. They have always done. They still do.

* Clearly, she was enjoying herself to see that woman hurt. It was nothing she had desired. Nor did it seem as if she could control it, this inhuman sweet sensation to see another human being squirming. It hit her like a stone, the knowledge that there is pleasure in hurting. A strong three-dimensional pleasure, an exclusive masculine delight that is exhilarating beyond all measure. And this too is God's gift to man? She wondered.

* There are powerful forces undermining progress in Africa. But one must never underestimate the power of the people to bring about change.

* Guilt is born in the same hour with pleasure, like anything in this universe and its enemy. 
* Love? Love? Love is not safe, my lady silk, love is dangerous. It is deceitfully sweet like wine from a fresh palm tree at dawn. Love is fine for singing about and love songs are good to listen to, sometimes even to dance to. But when we need to count on human strength, and when we have to count pennies for food for our stomachs and clothes for our backs, love is nothing. Ah my lady, the last man any woman should think of marrying is the man she loves.

* Feminism is not an ‘ism’ that belongs to women only, but a way of looking at the world.
**[https://www.dvv-international.de/en/adult-education-and-development/editions/aed-842017-inclusion-and-diversity/interviews/nobody-could-tell-me-writing-was-a-mans-job Ama speaking on feminism]
* In so many places in the world, there is an assumption that African women are the most oppressed. It is not true, we are not! At least not all.
**[https://www.dvv-international.de/en/adult-education-and-development/editions/aed-842017-inclusion-and-diversity/interviews/nobody-could-tell-me-writing-was-a-mans-job Ama speaking on African women]
* My regret is that we Ghanaian girls are not using the freedom we have inherited, and men are now moving in to colonise us.
**[https://www.dvv-international.de/en/adult-education-and-development/editions/aed-842017-inclusion-and-diversity/interviews/nobody-could-tell-me-writing-was-a-mans-job]
* We have to get girls educated. Education that does not put them down is needed in society. We have to open up, talk and write, hold up these negative trends for discussion, analysis, abolition, and possibly banning. As far as Iʼm concerned, society needs attitudinal change.
**[https://www.dvv-international.de/en/adult-education-and-development/editions/aed-842017-inclusion-and-diversity/interviews/nobody-could-tell-me-writing-was-a-mans-job Ama on female's being educated]
* In a society like ours with so many adults literally having had no formal education, adult education should be dynamic so that it helps fill some of these gaps.
**[https://www.dvv-international.de/en/adult-education-and-development/editions/aed-842017-inclusion-and-diversity/interviews/nobody-could-tell-me-writing-was-a-mans-job Ama on the importance of adult education]
* Nobody could tell me writing was a man’s job.
** [https://www.dvv-international.de/en/adult-education-and-development/editions/aed-842017-inclusion-and-diversity/interviews/nobody-could-tell-me-writing-was-a-mans-job/]
* I started writing when I was very young. I didnʼt know at the time that I was to become a writer. I know that I read all the time. The house was full of books, and I remember rummaging through the cupboards and drawers looking for books to read. There were always books to read. I grew up in a village, a small town in the central region called “Abiadze”. My father was the chief of the village then called “Kyiakor”. He actually opened the village school with our class and some excellent teachers. My mother and another man from the village used to tell us stories every night. I think all of this prepared me to be a good writer.
** [https://www.dvv-international.de/en/adult-education-and-development/editions/aed-842017-inclusion-and-diversity/interviews/nobody-could-tell-me-writing-was-a-mans-job/]
* One of the issues that parents educating their wards around here unfortunately donʼt seem to be aware of is that, to help young people develop, you just have to give them positive stimulants, like interacting with them nicely, loving them, taking care of necessities, talking by word of mouth and correcting them where necessary.
** [https://www.dvv-international.de/en/adult-education-and-development/editions/aed-842017-inclusion-and-diversity/interviews/nobody-could-tell-me-writing-was-a-mans-job/]
* Yes I am. It is about a group of people who escaped a terrible epidemic like AIDS, and they felt the only way they could be saved would be to leave their current surroundings and build a new place somewhere else and stay there. Putting some mechanism in place will help them stay safe from the rest of the world, possibly away from other human beings. Inside that country, they have some rules and regulations that they thought could help them, including a decision to build a steel wall higher than the Great Wall of China. Since I don’t know how it ends, I cannot say how they will end it. Whether it will help them, and whether they will be saved or not.
** [https://www.dvv-international.de/en/adult-education-and-development/editions/aed-842017-inclusion-and-diversity/interviews/nobody-could-tell-me-writing-was-a-mans-job/]
* Well I think it is because first of all, they assume that feminism is equal to lesbianism, which it is not. Feminism is an ideological orientation, a perspective on the world and life. The other is a sexual orientation, and the two shouldn’t conflict as they belong to different spheres of human life. One is a mental state, and the other is sexual. In a paper that I worked on in the 80s, entitled African women at century’s end, I stated that everybody should be a feminist, including men. Feminism is not an ‘ism’ that belongs to women only, but a way of looking at the world. It insists that young women in this life should be given the best possible facilities for our development, health, well-being and employment, so that when we become old we can be catered for like old men are.
** [https://www.dvv-international.de/en/adult-education-and-development/editions/aed-842017-inclusion-and-diversity/interviews/nobody-could-tell-me-writing-was-a-mans-job/]
* I survived as a woman where men dominated because my people were supportive of women. In so many places in the world, there is an assumption that African women are the most oppressed. It is not true, we are not! At least not all. As an Akan, Fante woman, I grew up in a society where there was not much discrimination against girls. That is why I could be a writer and nobody could tell me writing was a man’s job. I had to go to University to be told by someone that I speak and do other things like a man. My regret is that we Ghanaian girls are not using the freedom we have inherited, and men are now moving in to colonise us.
** [https://www.dvv-international.de/en/adult-education-and-development/editions/aed-842017-inclusion-and-diversity/interviews/nobody-could-tell-me-writing-was-a-mans-job/]
* Children in this country are receiving virtually no education. Even in the so-called private schools, where they are paying so much, the children are taught extraneous things and in the end donʼt receive a good education. The teacher-student relationship is poor, affecting teaching and learning.
** [https://www.dvv-international.de/en/adult-education-and-development/editions/aed-842017-inclusion-and-diversity/interviews/nobody-could-tell-me-writing-was-a-mans-job/]
* Religion and religious practices interfere with education to a large extent. Remuneration and other support is poor in state-sponsored schools. The boarding school system is a major problem in senior high schools. No education system in an advanced country centres its secondary education on boarding. They brought it from England, the colonial masters. Those public boarding schools are all completely private in England today. The state schools are day schools. How can you have the teenage children of an entire country housed in boarding schools? Unless we do something about that, there will be no significant improvement in the country’s education system.
** [https://www.dvv-international.de/en/adult-education-and-development/editions/aed-842017-inclusion-and-diversity/interviews/nobody-could-tell-me-writing-was-a-mans-job/]
* The exclusion of women is not something that we in Ghana have inherited. In a greater part of Ghana at least, even those tribal areas that are ‘patrilinealʼ, girls are just like other children. So this business of women canʼt do this or do that is very new somehow. I didnʼt grow up in a home where I was forced to learn how to cook. Maybe my people were too strange. Nobody ever told me not to do anything because I was a girl.
** [https://www.dvv-international.de/en/adult-education-and-development/editions/aed-842017-inclusion-and-diversity/interviews/nobody-could-tell-me-writing-was-a-mans-job/]
* We have to get girls educated. Education that does not put them down is needed in society. We have to open up, talk and write, hold up these negative trends for discussion, analysis, abolition, and possibly banning. As far as Iʼm concerned, society needs attitudinal change.
** [https://www.dvv-international.de/en/adult-education-and-development/editions/aed-842017-inclusion-and-diversity/interviews/nobody-could-tell-me-writing-was-a-mans-job/]
* Yes, I agree! Adult education in our environment is a very necessary complement for education. Adult education as an institution has to be re-energised and reorganised by reminding the public of its importance. In a society like ours with so many adults literally having had no formal education, adult education should be dynamic so that it helps fill some of these gaps. The fact that adult education seems to have declined so drastically is also a symptom of what has happened to us as a people and as a country, both in terms of education itself and in the application of knowledge generally.
** [https://www.dvv-international.de/en/adult-education-and-development/editions/aed-842017-inclusion-and-diversity/interviews/nobody-could-tell-me-writing-was-a-mans-job/]


==External link==
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'''[[w:Victoria Amelina|Victoria Amelina]]''' ([[w:Ukrainian language|Ukrainian]]: Вікторія Амеліна, [[w:birth name#Maiden and married names|née]] Shalamai; 1 January 1986 – 1 July 2023) was a [[w:Ukrainians|Ukrainian]] writer. She was the author of two novels and a children’s book, a winner of the [[w:Joseph Conrad Literary Award|Joseph Conrad Literary Award]], and a [[w:European Union Prize for Literature|European Union Prize for Literature]] finalist.

== Quotes ==
===2020–2022===
* ''Має бути саме внутрішня готовність жити текстами, перетворювати себе на тексти, писати навіть тоді, коли ніхто не читатиме. У цьому не може відмовити жоден видавець. Якщо література – ваш спосіб взаємодії зі світом, то ставатимуться дива.''
** Translation: There must be an inner readiness to live by texts, to transform oneself into texts, to write even when no one will read. No publisher can refuse this. If literature is your way of interacting with the world, miracles will happen
** [https://pen.org.ua/viktoriya-amelina-literatura-maye-zalyshaty-prostir-dlya-sumniviv-spogadiv-zlosti-j-lyubovi Victoria Amelina: &quot;Literature should leave room for doubts, memories, anger and love&quot;] ''Ukrainian PEN'' (28 May 2020).

* Now there is a real threat that Russians will successfully execute another generation of Ukrainian culture – this time by missiles and bombs.&lt;br /&gt;For me, it would mean the majority of my friends get killed. For an average westerner, it would only mean never seeing their paintings, never hearing them read their poems, or never reading the novels that they have yet to write.
* So maybe it is time to shift the debate from whether the world should 'forgive' Russian imperial art and literature, to how to prevent one of Europe’s cultures from becoming another [[w:Executed Renaissance|Executed Renaissance]].&lt;br /&gt;I was never a fan of [[w:Cancel culture|Cancel Culture]]. But maybe the Execute Culture that Russians have repeatedly practiced on free Ukrainians is something the world would like to stop before it’s too late again.
** [https://www.eurozine.com/cancel-culture-vs-execute-culture/# &quot;Cancel culture vs. execute culture&quot;] ''Eurozine'' (31 March 2022)
** The original text is in English.

*  Often we succeed, but not always. As I write this, on my way to Izyum to document war crimes, the occupiers may well be destroying the evidence of genocide in Mariupol. Despite all our efforts, too many stories will never be known. As a human rights activist, I document war crimes and advocate for justice. Yet, as a writer, I know there are wounds only stories can heal.
** Extract from Amelina's contribution to [https://www.theguardian.com/books/2022/oct/06/hope-matters-ukrainian-and-international-authors-on-why-literature-is-important-in-times-of-conflict &quot;'Hope matters': Ukrainian and international authors on why literature is important in times of conflict&quot;] ''The Guardian'' (6 October 2022)

* [The changing borders of Ukraine during the Soviet period] Under any [totalitarian] regime you get used to it, and you more than cooperate. You become part of this regime. In my novel ''Dom’s Dream Kingdom'', I used the story of my grandfather. He was a Soviet military pilot. He became part of the Soviet regime. But he was from the east of Ukraine, where the Holodomor [now recognised in Ukraine as an act of genocide] occurred. His family were victims of the that man-made famine, and he had terrible memories about that. I also remember my grandfather explaining to me the fear he felt if the Soviet army could potentially send him to Czechoslovakia in 1968.&lt;br /&gt;But regimes force people to do terrible things. As a Ukrainian I felt there was something wrong with that, and I should be somehow even ashamed. This is not what is happening in Russia today. There is no shame.
** [https://newhumanist.org.uk/articles/6060/qa-victoria-amelina &quot;Q&amp;A: Victoria Amelina&quot;] ''New Humanist'' (29 November 2022)

* [On being chosen to represent Lviv in a Russian language contest aged 15] At the contest in Moscow I met kids from all those countries Russia would later try to invade or assimilate: Latvia, Lithuania, Estonia, Kazakhstan, Armenia, Azerbaijan, Georgia, and Moldova. The Russian Federation invested a lot of money in raising children like us from the &quot;former Soviet republics&quot; as Russians. They probably invested more in us than they did in the education of children in rural Russia: those who were already conquered didn't need to be tempted with summer camps and excursions to the Red Square. Hopefully I will have turned out to be one of the worst investments of the Russian Federation.
** [https://iwpcollections.squarespace.com/victoria-amelina &quot;Expanding the Boundaries Of Home: a Story for Us All&quot;], ''International Writing Program'' (undated, c. 2022), reprinted in a slightly edited form as [https://www.theguardian.com/world/2023/jul/06/victoria-amelina-novelist-kramatorsk-russia-ukraine-war-meaning-of-home &quot;Ukraine and the meaning of home&quot;] ''The Guardian'' (6 July 2023)

===2023===
* We should talk about reconciliation and forgiveness, of course. But, before talking about it to Ukrainians, it’s crucial to let Russians know that they have to do lots of work on their end.&lt;br /&gt;So I’d rather postpone the discussion until one side is not being bombed by the other.
* As for me, I don't hate Russians at all; I'm so exhausted by the war they have waged on us that I cannot feel anything. I am numb. There’s a beautiful song by the Ukrainian band Kozak System, a wartime song with many profanities but no hatred. It starts like this: &quot;Our national idea— fuck the hell off!&quot;
* I know a little bit too much as I was brought up to be Russian: I attended a Russian school in Lviv, a Russian Orthodox church, a teens’ summer camp in Russia, etc. When I was 15, I was even chosen to go to Moscow to represent my city at the international Russian language contest. Hopefully, I turned out to be a terrible investment for Russia.
** Letter to [[w:Jon Lee Anderson|Jon Lee Anderson]] (January 2023), cited in his article [https://www.newyorker.com/news/daily-comment/how-do-ukrainians-think-about-russians-now &quot;How Do Ukrainians Think About Russians Now?&quot;] ''The New Yorker'' (15 February 2023)

* It's me in this picture, I'm a Ukrainian writer. I have portraits of great Ukrainian poets on my bag. I look like I should be taking pictures of books, art, and my little son. But I document Russia's war crimes and listen to the sound of shelling, not poems. Why?
** {{cite web|last=Wright|first=George|date=3 July 2023|title=Victoria Amelina: Ukrainian writer dies after Kramatorsk strike|accessdate=3 July 2023|website=BBC News|url=https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-66083275}}
** A [https://twitter.com/vamelina/status/1534053310113714176 tweet note] (4 June 2023) pinned to her Twitter account referring to her work documenting war crimes. It was reported following her death in July 2023 from injuries sustained after a [[w:June 2023 Kramatorsk missile strike|Russian precision missile targeted a restaurant]] in {{W|Kramatorsk}} frequented by journalists and writers.

* The war is when you can no longer follow all news and cry about all neighbors who died instead of you a couple of miles away [..] Still, I want to not forget to learn the names.
** [https://twitter.com/vamelina/status/1672519347745570818 Tweet] (24 June 2023), cited in [https://www.nytimes.com/2023/07/03/world/europe/ukraine-writer-kramatorsk-victoria-amelina.html &quot;Ukrainian Writer Victoria Amelina Dies After Kramatorsk Strike&quot;] ''The New York Times'' (3 July 2023)

==About Amelina==
* She largely set aside her writing after the full-scale [[w:Russian invasion of Ukraine|Russian invasion of 2022]], to focus on documenting [alleged] war crimes and working with children on or near the frontline.
* Her work included unearthing the diary of [[w:Volodymyr Vakulenko|Volodymyr Vakulenko]], a fellow writer who was illegally detained and killed by Russian soldiers in the city of Izium in early 2022. The diary, which was buried in his garden, served as a real-time document of Russian atrocities.
* Amelina put her commitment to her country and its most vulnerable people ahead of her personal safety, training to gather evidence of [alleged] war crimes that could be used in future prosecutions.
** Emma Graham Harrison [https://www.theguardian.com/world/2023/jul/03/ukrainian-writer-victoria-amelina-dies-after-being-wounded-in-kramatorsk-strike &quot;Ukrainian writer Victoria Amelina dies after being wounded in Kramatorsk strike&quot;] ''The Guardian'' (3 July 2023)

* To investigate [alleged] war crimes, Victoria had joined an organisation called Truth Hounds, acquired a flak jacket, helmet and camera and started travelling to places from which the Russians had been driven out.
* Terrified that the pages of the diary [of Volodymyr Vakulenko] were wet and might not survive, she gave it to the Kharkiv Literary Museum. That experience led her to focus on what she called &quot;cultural war crimes&quot;.&lt;br /&gt;On her phone she showed me photos of bullet holes in library walls in Kherson. &quot;It's important to see for yourself and write down the stories,&quot; she said. &quot;The way you see it from afar is very different to on the ground.&quot;
** [[w:Christina Lamb|Christina Lamb]] [https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/my-friend-victoria-amelina-funny-generous-killed-by-a-russian-missile-tr8vczgmd &quot;My friend Victoria Amelina: funny, generous — killed by a Russian missile&quot;] ''The Sunday Times'' (8 July 2023)

== External links== 
{{wikipedia}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Amelina, Victoria}}

[[Category:1986 births]]
[[Category:2023 deaths]]
[[Category:Children's authors]]
[[Category:Computer scientists]]
[[Category:Human rights activists]]
[[Category:Novelists from Ukraine]]
[[Category:Women activists from Ukraine]]
[[Category:People from Lviv]]
[[Category:Poets from Ukraine]]
[[Category:Women scientists from Ukraine]]
[[Category:Women authors from Ukraine]]
[[Category:Women born in the 1980s]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Goosebumps 2: Haunted Halloween</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
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      <text bytes="6325" sha1="hlfpa20yccyvr4yfq5aqrtqd369qn3l" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:Goosebumps 2: Haunted Halloween|Goosebumps 2: Haunted Halloween]]''''' is a [[w:2018 in film|2018]] live-action comedy horror film about two young friends who find a magic book that brings a ventriloquist's dummy to life.
:''Directed by [[w:Ari Sandel|Ari Sandel]]. Written by Rob Lieber, based on [[w:Goosebumps|Goosebumps]] by [[w:R. L. Stine|R. L. Stine]].''
{{center/s}}'''Halloween comes to life.'''{{center/e}}
{{film-stub}}

== R. L. Stine ==
* ''[gets out of his car]'' Oh no. Not...Haunted Halloween. ''[sees a skeleton chasing people]'' Oh, my writing was so cliché back then. ''[sees a red balloon]'' I knew it! I knew I came up with that first! ''[sees the Tesla tower, refers to Slappy]'' That clever little dummy's writing his own ending. Not in my book he's not.
* My first book? ''[holds the book]'' You realize I wrote this when I was around your age. More of an amateur work, really, but I'm sure you'll all agree it shows an undeniable promise of a brilliant young writer.
* ''[about saving the world with his typewriter]'' [[Goosebumps (film)|It's been done before.]] Once before. Maybe twice. Maybe more.
* The transmutation process seems to have wiped their memories clean. All those who were affected won't remember a thing.
* Kids falling from the sky. My work here is done.
* All the horrors of the world can't compare to the terrors of a blank page.
* ''[finishes writing]'' Finally, a new book.

== Slappy ==
* ''[from trailer]'' Did you miss me?
* ''[as he punches the windshield]'' I just want to be part of the family!
* ''[repeated line]'' Karru marri odonna loma molonu karrano.
* [[Goosebumps (film)|I had a papa once.]] He let me down. But a mother's love is forever.
* I'm going to do what Stine couldn't: finish this book once and for all! ''[laughs evilly]''
* Spoiler alert: the manuscript gets destroyed in that tower, and my Halloween family lasts ''forever!''
* ''[after the credits]'' Slappy Halloween. ''[laughs evilly]''

== Sonny ==
* I will never question picking up junk again.
* I'm the one who found the book and brought Slappy to life, and I even told Slappy about [[Tesla]].

== Sam ==
* &quot;Junk&quot; is our middle name!
* ''[about Kathy]'' I've never seen your mom that mad.
* Sergeant, your orders are to guard this porch.

== Sarah ==
* So you're telling me you've discovered a walking talking dummy and you didn't tell me?
* It's just you and me now, Slappy!
* Spoiler alert: I save the town and put you back where you belong. ''[Slappy stops her opening the book]''

== Walter ==
* ''[after being possessed by a mask]'' Serving families is what I do.
* I used to manage a hardware store. ''[Slappy: Walter, focus, please]'' Yes.

== Others ==
* '''Kathy''': ''[after being possessed by Slappy]'' There's my sweet little babies. I just love a family reunion.
* '''Mr. Chu''': We are living a Goosebumps story right now?
* '''Tommy''': Someone beam me ''out'' of this classroom.
* '''Gummy Bear''': ''[as he and his brethren gets sucked in the book, he hangs on for dear life]'' You'll never take me alive! ''[Sam flicks him]''
* '''Headless Horseman''': ''[repeated line]'' Hyah!

== Dialogue ==
:''[Sonny's Halloween pumpkins have come to life]''
:'''Sergeant Squash''': Halt! My orders are to guard this porch!
:'''Sam''': No way!
:'''Lead Pumpkin''': You like carving pumpkins, huh?! Look what you did to poor Terry!
:'''Terry the Pumpkin''': ''[oval-shaped with a goofy face]'' Hiya! I'm round!
:'''Lead Pumpkin''': Sergeant Squash, open fire!
:''[Sergeant Squash spits seeds at Sonny like a machine gun, while Sam grabs a trashcan lid to shield himself from the Lead Pumpkin's fiery breath]''
:'''Sam''': We need to find another way in!
:'''Sonny''': No. This is ''my'' house!
:''[Sonny stomps on Sergeant Squash's helmet, smashing him]''
:'''Sergeant Squash''': I'm hit! Medic!
:''[Sonny grabs the Lead Pumpkin and lifts him up]''
:'''Lead Pumpkin''': Whaddaya doing?! Put me down!
:'''Terry the Pumpkin''': Hiya! Happy [[w:Easter|Easter!]]
:''[Sonny smashes them both]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%''&gt;
:'''R. L. Stine''': Finally, a new book. ''[tucks in the final page]'' Yes. ''[locks the book, opens the shelf, and places the book on it]''
:'''Slappy''': ''[offscreen]'' Hello, Papa.
:'''R. L. Stine''': ''[turns around]'' Slappy! I thought the book got you.
:'''Slappy''': Maybe those others, but not me.
:'''R. L. Stine''': ''[confused]'' Why is that?
:'''Slappy''': You know I always survive. You wrote me that way. In fact, I wrote my own story while I was gone. And guess what? You're the main character! ''[laughs evilly]''
:'''R. L. Stine''': No. ''[Slappy opens the book]'' NOOOOOOOOO...! ''[gets sucked in]''
:'''Slappy''': ''[closes the book]'' You try living in a book for a while, Papa. ''[laughs evilly]''

== Cast ==
* [[w:Jeremy Ray Taylor|Jeremy Ray Taylor]] as Sonny Quinn
* [[w:Madison Iseman|Madison Iseman]] as Sarah Quinn
* [[w:Caleel Harris|Caleel Harris]] as Sam Carter
* [[w:Wendi McLendon-Covey|Wendi McLendon-Covey]] as Kathy Quinn
**[[w:Dee Bradley Baker|Dee Bradley Baker]] as the voice of Kathy as a living dummy
* [[w:Chris Parnell|Chris Parnell]] as Walter
* [[w:Ken Jeong|Ken Jeong]] as Mr. Chu
* [[Jack Black]] as R. L. Stine
* [[w:Mick Wingert|Mick Wingert]] as the voice of Slappy the Dummy from Night of the Living Dummy 
* Peyton Wich as Tommy Madigan, a bully who picks on Sonny and Sam
* [[w:Kendrick Cross|Kendrick Cross]] as Mr. Carter, Sam's father
* [[w:Shari Headley|Shari Headley]] as Mrs. Carter, Sam's mother
* Courtney Lauren Cummings as Jess, a girl whom with Tyler cheats on Sarah
* Jessi Goei as Maya, Jess' friend
* Katharine C. Lumpkin as a monster bride
* Kent Wagner as an undead pirate
* Marsha Shackelford as a female cyborg
* Barry W. Jerald Jr. as a gray alien
* Sherri Millican as a banshee
* Scott Millican as a red-haired ghoul
* Joseph N. Hardin as a vampire
* Alex T. Hill as a scarecrow
* Benjamin Bladon as a royal mummy

== See also ==
''[[Goosebumps (film)|Goosebumps]]'' (2015)

== External links==
{{wikipedia}}

{{Authority control}}

[[Category:2018 films]]
[[Category:Halloween films]]
[[Category:Films based on novels]]
[[Category:Films set in New York]]
[[Category:Comedy horror films]]
[[Category:Scholastic films]]
[[Category:Sequel films]]
[[Category:2010s American films]]</text>
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      <text bytes="19850" sha1="qf4wxh5dh9zobzdfimuylcxwz8m2qc8" xml:space="preserve">'''&lt;big&gt;Current Programming&lt;/big&gt;'''
* ''Vet Detective&quot; (2026-Present)
* ''Wildlife ER'' (2023-Present) 
* ''Incredible Northern Vets'' (2025-Present)
* ''Secrets of The Zoo: Down Under''(2020-Present)


'''&lt;big&gt;Former Programming&lt;/big&gt;''' 
===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}                              
* ''A Penguin's Life'' ✓ 
* ''Africa's Hunters'' ✓  
* ''Africa's Wild West'' ✓
* ''Amazon Underworld'' ✓
* ''America the Beautiful'' ✓
* ''America's Wild Frontier'' 
* ''Alaska's Grizzly Gauntlet'' ✓ 
* ''Animals, They're Just Like Us!'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Brazil''
* ''Boss Croc'' ✓
* ''Bumblebees (youtube)
* ''Born In Africa'' ✓
* ''Baboon Queen'' 
* ''Birth of A Pride'' ✓
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' ✓ 
* ''Behind Russia's Frozen Curtain'' ✓
* ''Built for the Kill'' (Tv Series) (2001–2004)
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Cub Camp''✓
* ''Cobra Mafia'' ✓
* ''Chimp School''
* ''Cat Attack-tics'' ✓
* ''Croc Labyrinth'' 
* ''China's Wild Side''
* ''Cheetah Fatal Intints&quot;
* ''Clash of The Tigers'' (abc.com)
* ''Cat Wars: Lions Vs Cheetah'' (look up again)     
* ''Caribbean's Deadly Underworld'' 
* ''Caught in the Act'' (Tv Series) 2013-2022
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}   
* ''Dino Fish'' (look up again)
* ''Deadly Game''                                                                    
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Deadly Instincts'' 
* ''Deep Sea Killers'' ✓
* ''Dr. Oakley, Yukon Vet'' (Tv Series) 2014–2023
* ''Dr. K's Exotic Animal ER'' (Tv Series) 2014-2023
* ''Dr. Jeff: Rocky Mountain Vet'' (Tv Series) 2015-2022
* ''Dog Whisperer with Cesar Millan'' (Tv Series) 2004-2016
* ''Dangerous Encounters with Brady Barr'' (Tv Series) 2005–2012
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Extraordinary Birder with Christian Cooper'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Future Cat'' ✓
* ''Florida Untamed'' ✓
* ''Fur Seals: Battle For Survival'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Game of Lions'' ✓
* ''Grizzly Cauldron'' ✓  
* ''Gangster Jackals''
* ''Great Barrier Reef'' (ww5.tinyzone.org)
* ''Giraffe: African Giant'' ✓
* ''Galapagos: Enchanted Islands'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hippo Vs Croc'' ✓ 
* ''Hunt for The Giant Squid'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Okavango'' ✓ 
* ''Into The Pride Lands'' ✓
* ''India's Wild Leopards'' ✓ 
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Waterways''✓
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Jaguar vs Croc'' ✓
* ''Jaguar Journals (movies113.com)
* ''Jade Eyed Leopard'' ✓
* ''Jaguar Beach Battle'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Shew'' ✓
* ''Kiler Queen'' ✓
* ''Kingdom of The White Wolf'' ✓
* ''Kingdom Of The Polar Bears'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Little Killers''
* ''Lemur Island'' 
* ''Lion Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Lion Ganglands'' ✓
* ''Lion Battle Zone'' ✓
* ''Leopard Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Leopard Huntress'' ✓
* ''Land of 10,000 Grizzlies'' 
* ''Leopard: Ultimate Survivor'' (Look up)
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man Vs Lion'' ✓
* ''Man vs Monster''
* ''Mexico Untamed'' ✓
* ''Man vs Cheetah'' ✓
* ''Moster Croc Hunt'' ✓
* ''Mystery of the giant Cave Spider'' (saved/non english)
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Night on Earth'' (1movie.bz)
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Town'' (Saved &quot;No English&quot;)
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Penguinpalooza''
* ''Paradise Islands'' ✓
* ''Praire Dog Manor'' ✓
* ''Path of The Pather'' ✓
* ''Planet of the Birds'' ✓
* ''Predator In Paradise'' 
* ''Peru's Wild Kingdom'' (saved)
* ''Pristine Seas: The Power of Protection ✓
* ''Puma!: Elusive Hunter of the Andes'' (look up again)
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rebal Monkeys''
* ''Real Angry Birds''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Super Cat'' ✓
* ''South Africa'' (look up)?
* ''Super Squirrel''
* ''Surpet's Surprise'' ✓
* ''Strangest Bird Alive''  
* ''Secret Life of Pearls''  
* ''Secret Life of Tigers''
* ''Secrets of Wild India'' (streamm4u.com.co, 
* ''Secrets of the King Cobra'' ✓
* ''Snake City'' (Tv Series) 2014–2019
* ''Saving Giraffes: The Long Journey Home'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile'' 
* ''Tiger Wars'' ✓
* ''The Jungle King'' 
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''Tree Climbing Lions ✓
* ''The Forbidden River''
* ''The Unlikely Leopard'' ✓
* ''The Way of the Cheetah'' ✓
* ''The Great Elephant Walk''
* ''The Incredible Dr. Pol'' (Tv Series) 2011–2024
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas'' (fangdango at home=  {pay}
* ''Ultimate Honey Badger'' 
* ''Ultimate Rivals: Cats vs Dogs'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild 24'' (saved) 
* ''Wild Artic'✓' (abc.com) (nationalgeographic.com)
* ''Wild Chile''  nationalgeographic.com
* ''Wild Egypt'' ✓
* ''Wild Korea'' ✓
* ''Wild Hawaii'' ✓
* ''Wild Russia'' ✓
* ''Wild Nordic'' ✓
* ''Wild Borneo''
* ''Wild Vietnam''  ✓
* ''Wild Monsoon'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''Wild Thailand'' (saved)
* ''War Elephants'' 
* ''Wild Indonesia'' ✓
* ''Wild Sir Lanka'' ✓
* ''Wild Argentina'' (moviemoza.com) (pluto tv?), (ihavenotv.com)
* ''Wild Mississippi'' (has episodes)
* ''War of The Lions'' 
* ''Wild Yellowstone'' ✓
* ''Wild New Zealand'' 
* ''Wild Cats Of India'' ✓
* ''Whales of the Deep''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Yellowstone Wolves: Succession ✓
{{Col-end}}

===Numbers===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''20 years with Dolphins''
{{Col-end}}

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

'''National Geographic Animal Programming'''

'''&lt;big&gt;Current Programming&lt;/big&gt;'''

Incredible Northern Vets: 2024-

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Real Bug's Life'' ✓
* ''A Real Bug's Life II'' ✓
* ''America's National Parks'' ✓
* ''Animal's They're Just Like US!'' ✓
* ''Animals up close with Bertie Gregory'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Bumblebees ✓
* ''Bear Island&quot;
* ''Born in Africa'' 
* ''Battle For Elephants''
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' 
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Chimps on The Edge
* ''Cheetahs Up Close with Berite Gregory ✓
* ''Ceaser Millian: The Dog Whisper'' (Tv Series) 2004-2012
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Dolphins Up Close with Bertie Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Eye of The Leopard ✓
* ''Expedition Great White'' (paramount+)
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ghost Elephants ✓
* ''Great Migration's'' ✓
* ''Gabon:The Last Eden''
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride (movies228.com)
* ''Into The Pride Lands ✓
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kangaroo Kaos
* ''Kingdom of The Polar Bear'' ✓
* ''Kingdom of The White Wolf'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant''✓
* ''Last of The Giants: Wild Fish'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Meet The Chimps''✓
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''National Parks: USA'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Path of The Panther'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===Q===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Queens'' ✓
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''She Wolf'' ✓
* ''Squid vs Whale''
* ''Savage Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Secrets of The Bees ✓
* ''Secrets of The Whales'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Penguins'' ✓
* ''Secrets of The Elephants'' ✓
* ''Shark Movers Deadly Cargo'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Flood'' ✓
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''The Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓
* ''The Last Rhinos: A New Hope ✓
* ''The Hidden Kingdoms of China'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas''
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wildlife: The Big Freeze''
* ''Wildlife: Resurrection Island''
* ''Wolves: A Legend Return to Yellowstone''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty''
{{Col-end}}

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''BBC America/BBC Earth Programming'''

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Asia'' ✓
* ''Africa'' ✓
* ''Asia: Bonus Edition  
* ''A Perfect Planet'' (1movies.bz)
* ''Africa's Wild Year'' ✓
* ''A Wild Year On Earth'' ✓
* ''Attenborough and the Giant Elephant'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Blue Planet'' ✓
* ''Blue Planet II'' ✓
* ''Big Cats 24/7'' ✓
* ''Big Bear Diary'' ✓
* ''Big Little Journeys''
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dynasties'' (1movies.bz) *David Attenborough* 
* ''Deep Blue'' (viral2day.me, ww5.tinyzone.org,streamm4u.com.co,publicflix.org,123movies9.fun )
* ''Dynasties II'' (Daily Motion?)
* ''Dogs In The Wild: Meet The Family'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''David Attenborough: A Life on our Planet'' ✓
* ''David Attenborough: Life In Cold Blood (movies113.com, 
* ''David Attenborough:  Conquest of the Skies (azmovies.net)
* ''Deep Ocean: The Lost World Of The Pacific'' (Saved)
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''China: Nature Ancient Kingdom'' (flixhq)
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Earth Flight'' ihavenotv?, hdtodayz.to, azmovies.net
* ''Expedition Wolf'' (check)
* ''Enchanted Kingdom'' (Idris Elba) *viral2day.me*
* ''Earth's Great River's'' (ihavenotv)
* ''Earth's Great Seasons'' ✓
* ''Earth's Great River's II'' (ihavenotv?)
* ''Earth Tropical Islands'' (ihavenotv?)
* ''Eden: Untamed Planet'' (flixhq) Or (ihavenotv)
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Frozen Planet'' ✓
* ''Frozen Planet II'' (1moviesz.to)
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Galapagos'' hdtodayz.to, 123cine.to, moviemoza.com, 
* ''Great Barrier Reef'' flixhq, azmovies.net, 
* ''Gorilla Family and Me''
* ''Grizzy Bear Cubs and Me (movies228.com)
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
* ''Hidden Habitats'' (hdtodayz.to)
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Japan: Earth's Enchanted Islands'' (azmovies.net)
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kingdom (1moviesz.to)
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Life'' ✓
* ''Life Story'' hdtodayz.to/azmovies.net
* ''Life In Color'' ✓
* ''Little Big Cat''
* ''Life in Cold Blood'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''London's Wild Side'' 
* ''Lands Of The Monsoon''
* ''Lions: Spy In The Den''
* ''Life In The Undergrowth'' azmovies.net, 
* ''Lost land of The Tiger'' (ihavenotv.com)
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Mammals'' (flix hq?) (ihavenotv)
* ''Mirco Monsters''ihavenotv,azmovies.net
* ''Madagascar'' (David Attenborugh) *hdtodayz.to*
* ''Mountains: Life Above the Clouds''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Nature's Great Events'' (Flix HQ)?
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''One Life'' (documentaryarea.com)
* ''Our Planet'' (flixq?) (ihavenotv.com) (Netflix on YouTube?)
* ''Ocean Giants'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''Our Planet II'' ✓
* ''Our Living World'' (Netlix on Youtube?)
* ''Operation Snow Tiger''
* ''Operation Dung Beetle''
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Planet Earth'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth II'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth III'' flixhq, ww5.tinyzone.org
* ''Planet Earth: Asia'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Africa''
* ''Planet Earth: Dynasties'' 
* ''Polar Bear: Spy On The Ice'' 
* ''Penguins: Spy In The Huddle (movies228.com,moviemoza.com)
* ''Planet Earth: South Pacific'' (o123movies)
* ''Planet Earth: The Blue Planet II'' (flixhq?)
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Reindeer Family and Me''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Shark'' (azmovies.net)
* ''Serengeti'' ✓
* ''Serengeti II''
* ''Serengeti III'' ✓
* ''Spy In The Den''
* ''Spy In The Ocean (www.azmovies.net, moviemoza.com)
* ''Spy In The Wild'' ✓
* ''Snow Chick: A Penguin's Tale''
* ''South Pacific'' (has episodes) *flix hq?*,  azmovies.net
* ''Seven Worlds, One Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Hunt'' ✓
* ''Tiny Giants''
* ''The Wild Place'' 
* ''The Wild Sides'' ✓
* ''The Blue Planet'' (hdtodayz.to) (123cine.to) (movies113.com)
* ''Tropical Islands'' (ihavenotv.com? check)
* ''The Mating Game'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''The Cheetah Family &amp; Me ''
* ''The Great Bear Steak Out''
* ''The Polar Bear Family &amp; Me'' (1movies.bz, 123cine.to, moviemoza.com )
* ''The Great Rift: Africa's Wild Hart''
* ''Tiger Spy In The Jungle'' (David Attenbourgh) topdocumentarys.com, azmovies.net
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild West'' ✓
* ''Wild China'' (Roku) (flixhq.to)
* ''Wild Japan'' (look up)
* ''Wild Alaska''
* ''Wild Isles'' (flixhq.to)
* ''Wild Tokyo'' 
* ''Wild Arabia'' ✓
* ''Wild Brazil''
* ''Wild Nordic (moviemoza.com)
* ''Wild Singapore ''
* ''Wild Indonesia''
* ''Wild Patagonia'' ✓
* ''Wild Caribbean'' (pluto tv?)
* ''Wild Yellowstone''
* ''Wild New Zealand ''
* ''Wild City: Singapore ''
* ''Wild Lands: South Africa'' 
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone'' (flixhq.to), (movies228.com)
{{Col-end}}
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

'''Animal Planet Current Programing'''
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Puppy Bowl'' (Tv Series) 2005-Present 
* ''Pets and Pickers'' (Tv Series) 2022-Present
* ''Yellowstone Wardens'' (Tv Series) 2023-Present
* ''Wardens Of The North'' (Tv Series) 2023-Presnet
{{Col-end}}

'''Animal Planet Former Programing'''

===A===  
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Panda is Born''
* ''A Panda's Story''
* ''Animal Battlegrounds'' ✓
* ''Animal X'' (Tv Series) 1997–2002
* ''Animal Miracles'' (Tv Series) 2001–2003
* ''Animal Precinct'' (Tv Series) 2001–2008
* ''Animal Cops: Detroit'' (Tv Series) 2003–2010
* ''Animal Cops: Houston'' (Tv Series) 2003–2015
* ''Animal Cops: Phoenix'' (Tv Series) 2007–2009
* ''Animal Planet Zooventure'' (Tv Series) 1997–2000
* ''Austin Stevens: Snakemaster'' (Tv Series) 2004–2009
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Big Cat Tales'' ✓
* '' Big, Small &amp; Deadly''
* '' Big Cats: Secret Lives''
* '' Britain's Wildest Places'' ✓
* '' Battle Ground: Rhino Wars'' 
* '' Bad Dog'' (Tv Series) 2011-2016
* '' Big Cat Dairy'' (Tv Series) 1996-2005
* '' Breed All About It'' (Tv Series) 1997-2001
* '' Big Cat Tales: More From The Mara Region''
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Cats 101'' (Tv Series) 2008-2012
* ''Croc Files'' (Tv Series) 1999-2005
* ''Call Of The Wild Man'' (Tv Series) 2011-2014
* ''Crickey It's The Irwin's'' (Tv Show) 2018-2022
* ''Confessions: Animal Hording'' (Tv Series) 2010-2014
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dolphin Days'' ✓
* ''Dogs: The Untold Story''
* ''Dark Days In Monkey City''
* ''Dogs 101'' (Tv Series) 2008-2011
* ''Dr. Jeff: Rocky Mountain Vet'' (Tv Series) 2015-2022
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Escape To Chimp Eden'' 
* ''Emergency Vets'' (Tv Series) 1998-2008
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Going Ape'' ✓
* ''Gorilla School'' ✓
* ''Gator Boys'' (Tv Series) 2012-2017
* ''Gorillas on the Brink: Saving a Species''
* ''Growing up Animal Series: ''
* ''- Grizzly''
* ''- Lion''
* ''- Tiger ''
* ''- Cheetah ''
* ''- Marsupia''
* ''- Elephant''
* ''- Wolf''
* ''- Clouded Leopard''
* ''- Zebra''
* ''- Baboon''
* ''- Black Bear''
* ''- Orangutan''
* ''- Rhino''
* ''- Lynx''
* ''- Polar Bear''
* ''- Penguin''
* ''- Giraffe''
* ''- Walrus''
* ''- Hyena''
* ''- Camel''
* ''- Moose''
* ''- Leopard''
* ''- Sitka Deer''
* ''- Gorilla''
* ''- Giant Panda''
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride ''
* ''Into The Lions Den''
* ''I Was Prey'' (Tv Series) 2017-2019
* ''It's Me or The Dog'' (Tv Series) 2007-2012
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Jane Goodall's When Animals Talk''
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Whales: The Mega Hunt'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giants'' ✓
* ''Lemur Kingdom''
* ''League of Monkey's''
* ''Living With Man-Eaters'' ✓
* ''Lone Star Law'' (Tv Series) 2016-2022 
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man vs Bear'' ✓
* ''Meerkat Manor (www.azmovies.net)
* ''Mounted Branch'' ✓
* ''Man-Eating Super Croc''
* ''Man-Eating Super Squid''
* ''Mysterious Wild Of India'' 
* ''Meerkat Manor'' (Tv Series) 2005-2008 
* ''My Cat From Hell'' (Tv Series) 2011-2020
* ''Monsters Inside Me'' (Tv Series) 2009-2017
* ''Mysterious Creatures With Forrest Galante'' ✓
* ''Meet the Pandas: Washington's New Power Couple''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Night'' (Discovery+)
* ''North Woods Laws'' (Tv Series) 2012-2021
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Orangutan Island''
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Project Grizzly'' ✓
* ''Pandamonium'' ✓
* ''Panda Republic'' ✓
* ''Pet Star'' (Tv Series) 2002-2005
* ''Pit Boss'' (Tv Series) 2010-2013
* ''Pitbulls &amp; Parolees'' (Tv Series) 2009-2022
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rise of The Warrior Apes''
* ''Romeo &amp; Juliet: A Monkey's Tale''
* ''River Monsters'' (Tv Series) 2009-2017
* ''Rattle Snake Republic'' (Tv Series) 2012-2014
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Survival of the Beast''
* ''Season of The Grizzly''
* ''Saving Grace: The Otter'' ✓
* ''Safari: An Extraordinary Adventure''
* ''Swamp Wars'' (Tv Series) 2011-2013
* ''Saving The Gorillas: Ellen's Next Adventure'' ✓
* ''Austin Stevens: Snakemaster'' (Tv Series) 2004−2009
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile''
* ''The Pack'' ✓
* ''Tucan Nation''
* ''The Real Lion Queen'' (saved)
* ''The Beauty of Snakes'' 
* ''The Great Shark Chase'' 
* ''Tanked'' (Tv Series) 2011-2018
* ''The Zoo'' (Tv Series) 2017-2021
* ''Too Cute'' (Tv Series) 2011-2017
* ''The Vet Life'' (Tv Series) 2016-2020
* ''The Aquarium'' (Tv Series) 2020-2021
* ''The Most Extreme'' (Tv Series) 2002-2006
* ''The Zoo: San Deigo'' (Tv Series) 2019-2022
* ''The Crocodile Hunter'' (Tv Series) 1997-2004
* ''The Magic Of The Big Blue: Seven Continents'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''The Secret Life Of The Zoo'' (Tv Series) 2016-2020
* ''The Jeff Corwin Experience'' (Tv Series) 2001-2003
* ''The Planets Funniest Animals'' (Tv Series) 1990-2008
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed &amp; Uncut'' (Tv Series) 2008-2010
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Deep''
* ''Wild Costa Rica''
* ''Wild New Zealand''
* ''Wolves and Warriors'' ✓
* ''Walking With Elephants'' ✓
* ''Wild Africa: Rivers Of Life'' 
* ''Wildest Islands of Indonesia&quot; azmovies.net
* ''Whale Wars'' (Tv Series) 2008-2015
* ''Weird, True &amp; Freaky'' (Tv Series) 2008-2012
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Journals''
{{Col-end}}

===Z===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Zolton: The Wolfman'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________</text>
      <sha1>qf4wxh5dh9zobzdfimuylcxwz8m2qc8</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3942316</id>
      <parentid>3942315</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-05-18T13:22:32Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Sandi74645</username>
        <id>3160827</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor />
      <comment>/* P */</comment>
      <origin>3942316</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="19853" sha1="4b149hxgzwhdm4y0q6wyci69qk9b6z0" xml:space="preserve">'''&lt;big&gt;Current Programming&lt;/big&gt;'''
* ''Vet Detective&quot; (2026-Present)
* ''Wildlife ER'' (2023-Present) 
* ''Incredible Northern Vets'' (2025-Present)
* ''Secrets of The Zoo: Down Under''(2020-Present)


'''&lt;big&gt;Former Programming&lt;/big&gt;''' 
===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}                              
* ''A Penguin's Life'' ✓ 
* ''Africa's Hunters'' ✓  
* ''Africa's Wild West'' ✓
* ''Amazon Underworld'' ✓
* ''America the Beautiful'' ✓
* ''America's Wild Frontier'' 
* ''Alaska's Grizzly Gauntlet'' ✓ 
* ''Animals, They're Just Like Us!'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Brazil''
* ''Boss Croc'' ✓
* ''Bumblebees (youtube)
* ''Born In Africa'' ✓
* ''Baboon Queen'' 
* ''Birth of A Pride'' ✓
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' ✓ 
* ''Behind Russia's Frozen Curtain'' ✓
* ''Built for the Kill'' (Tv Series) (2001–2004)
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Cub Camp''✓
* ''Cobra Mafia'' ✓
* ''Chimp School''
* ''Cat Attack-tics'' ✓
* ''Croc Labyrinth'' 
* ''China's Wild Side''
* ''Cheetah Fatal Intints&quot;
* ''Clash of The Tigers'' (abc.com)
* ''Cat Wars: Lions Vs Cheetah'' (look up again)     
* ''Caribbean's Deadly Underworld'' 
* ''Caught in the Act'' (Tv Series) 2013-2022
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}   
* ''Dino Fish'' (look up again)
* ''Deadly Game''                                                                    
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Deadly Instincts'' 
* ''Deep Sea Killers'' ✓
* ''Dr. Oakley, Yukon Vet'' (Tv Series) 2014–2023
* ''Dr. K's Exotic Animal ER'' (Tv Series) 2014-2023
* ''Dr. Jeff: Rocky Mountain Vet'' (Tv Series) 2015-2022
* ''Dog Whisperer with Cesar Millan'' (Tv Series) 2004-2016
* ''Dangerous Encounters with Brady Barr'' (Tv Series) 2005–2012
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Extraordinary Birder with Christian Cooper'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Future Cat'' ✓
* ''Florida Untamed'' ✓
* ''Fur Seals: Battle For Survival'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Game of Lions'' ✓
* ''Grizzly Cauldron'' ✓  
* ''Gangster Jackals''
* ''Great Barrier Reef'' (ww5.tinyzone.org)
* ''Giraffe: African Giant'' ✓
* ''Galapagos: Enchanted Islands'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hippo Vs Croc'' ✓ 
* ''Hunt for The Giant Squid'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Okavango'' ✓ 
* ''Into The Pride Lands'' ✓
* ''India's Wild Leopards'' ✓ 
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Waterways''✓
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Jaguar vs Croc'' ✓
* ''Jaguar Journals (movies113.com)
* ''Jade Eyed Leopard'' ✓
* ''Jaguar Beach Battle'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Shew'' ✓
* ''Kiler Queen'' ✓
* ''Kingdom of The White Wolf'' ✓
* ''Kingdom Of The Polar Bears'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Little Killers''
* ''Lemur Island'' 
* ''Lion Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Lion Ganglands'' ✓
* ''Lion Battle Zone'' ✓
* ''Leopard Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Leopard Huntress'' ✓
* ''Land of 10,000 Grizzlies'' 
* ''Leopard: Ultimate Survivor'' (Look up)
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man Vs Lion'' ✓
* ''Man vs Monster''
* ''Mexico Untamed'' ✓
* ''Man vs Cheetah'' ✓
* ''Moster Croc Hunt'' ✓
* ''Mystery of the giant Cave Spider'' (saved/non english)
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Night on Earth'' (1movie.bz)
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Town'' (Saved &quot;No English&quot;)
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Penguinpalooza''
* ''Paradise Islands'' ✓
* ''Praire Dog Manor'' ✓
* ''Path of The Pather'' ✓
* ''Planet of the Birds'' ✓
* ''Predator In Paradise'' 
* ''Peru's Wild Kingdom'' (saved)
* ''Pristine Seas: The Power of Protection ✓
* ''Puma!: Elusive Hunter of the Andes'' (look up again)
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rebal Monkeys''
* ''Real Angry Birds''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Super Cat'' ✓
* ''South Africa'' (look up)?
* ''Super Squirrel''
* ''Surpet's Surprise'' ✓
* ''Strangest Bird Alive''  
* ''Secret Life of Pearls''  
* ''Secret Life of Tigers''
* ''Secrets of Wild India'' (streamm4u.com.co, 
* ''Secrets of the King Cobra'' ✓
* ''Snake City'' (Tv Series) 2014–2019
* ''Saving Giraffes: The Long Journey Home'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile'' 
* ''Tiger Wars'' ✓
* ''The Jungle King'' 
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''Tree Climbing Lions ✓
* ''The Forbidden River''
* ''The Unlikely Leopard'' ✓
* ''The Way of the Cheetah'' ✓
* ''The Great Elephant Walk''
* ''The Incredible Dr. Pol'' (Tv Series) 2011–2024
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas'' (fangdango at home=  {pay}
* ''Ultimate Honey Badger'' 
* ''Ultimate Rivals: Cats vs Dogs'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild 24'' (saved) 
* ''Wild Artic'✓' (abc.com) (nationalgeographic.com)
* ''Wild Chile''  nationalgeographic.com
* ''Wild Egypt'' ✓
* ''Wild Korea'' ✓
* ''Wild Hawaii'' ✓
* ''Wild Russia'' ✓
* ''Wild Nordic'' ✓
* ''Wild Borneo''
* ''Wild Vietnam''  ✓
* ''Wild Monsoon'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''Wild Thailand'' (saved)
* ''War Elephants'' 
* ''Wild Indonesia'' ✓
* ''Wild Sir Lanka'' ✓
* ''Wild Argentina'' (moviemoza.com) (pluto tv?), (ihavenotv.com)
* ''Wild Mississippi'' (has episodes)
* ''War of The Lions'' 
* ''Wild Yellowstone'' ✓
* ''Wild New Zealand'' 
* ''Wild Cats Of India'' ✓
* ''Whales of the Deep''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Yellowstone Wolves: Succession ✓
{{Col-end}}

===Numbers===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''20 years with Dolphins''
{{Col-end}}

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

'''National Geographic Animal Programming'''

'''&lt;big&gt;Current Programming&lt;/big&gt;'''

Incredible Northern Vets: 2024-

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Real Bug's Life'' ✓
* ''A Real Bug's Life II'' ✓
* ''America's National Parks'' ✓
* ''Animal's They're Just Like US!'' ✓
* ''Animals up close with Bertie Gregory'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Bumblebees ✓
* ''Bear Island&quot;
* ''Born in Africa'' 
* ''Battle For Elephants''
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' 
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Chimps on The Edge
* ''Cheetahs Up Close with Berite Gregory ✓
* ''Ceaser Millian: The Dog Whisper'' (Tv Series) 2004-2012
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Dolphins Up Close with Bertie Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Eye of The Leopard ✓
* ''Expedition Great White'' (paramount+)
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ghost Elephants ✓
* ''Great Migration's'' ✓
* ''Gabon:The Last Eden''
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride (movies228.com)
* ''Into The Pride Lands ✓
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kangaroo Kaos
* ''Kingdom of The Polar Bear'' ✓
* ''Kingdom of The White Wolf'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant''✓
* ''Last of The Giants: Wild Fish'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Meet The Chimps''✓
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''National Parks: USA'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Path of The Panther'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===Q===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Queens'' ✓
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''She Wolf'' ✓
* ''Squid vs Whale''
* ''Savage Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Secrets of The Bees ✓
* ''Secrets of The Whales'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Penguins'' ✓
* ''Secrets of The Elephants'' ✓
* ''Shark Movers Deadly Cargo'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Flood'' ✓
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''The Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓
* ''The Last Rhinos: A New Hope ✓
* ''The Hidden Kingdoms of China'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas''
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wildlife: The Big Freeze''
* ''Wildlife: Resurrection Island''
* ''Wolves: A Legend Return to Yellowstone''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty''
{{Col-end}}

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''BBC America/BBC Earth Programming'''

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Asia'' ✓
* ''Africa'' ✓
* ''Asia: Bonus Edition  
* ''A Perfect Planet'' (1movies.bz)
* ''Africa's Wild Year'' ✓
* ''A Wild Year On Earth'' ✓
* ''Attenborough and the Giant Elephant'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Blue Planet'' ✓
* ''Blue Planet II'' ✓
* ''Big Cats 24/7'' ✓
* ''Big Bear Diary'' ✓
* ''Big Little Journeys''
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dynasties'' (1movies.bz) *David Attenborough* 
* ''Deep Blue'' (viral2day.me, ww5.tinyzone.org,streamm4u.com.co,publicflix.org,123movies9.fun )
* ''Dynasties II'' (Daily Motion?)
* ''Dogs In The Wild: Meet The Family'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''David Attenborough: A Life on our Planet'' ✓
* ''David Attenborough: Life In Cold Blood (movies113.com, 
* ''David Attenborough:  Conquest of the Skies (azmovies.net)
* ''Deep Ocean: The Lost World Of The Pacific'' (Saved)
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''China: Nature Ancient Kingdom'' (flixhq)
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Earth Flight'' ihavenotv?, hdtodayz.to, azmovies.net
* ''Expedition Wolf'' (check)
* ''Enchanted Kingdom'' (Idris Elba) *viral2day.me*
* ''Earth's Great River's'' (ihavenotv)
* ''Earth's Great Seasons'' ✓
* ''Earth's Great River's II'' (ihavenotv?)
* ''Earth Tropical Islands'' (ihavenotv?)
* ''Eden: Untamed Planet'' (flixhq) Or (ihavenotv)
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Frozen Planet'' ✓
* ''Frozen Planet II'' (1moviesz.to)
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Galapagos'' hdtodayz.to, 123cine.to, moviemoza.com, 
* ''Great Barrier Reef'' flixhq, azmovies.net, 
* ''Gorilla Family and Me''
* ''Grizzy Bear Cubs and Me (movies228.com)
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
* ''Hidden Habitats'' (hdtodayz.to)
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Japan: Earth's Enchanted Islands'' (azmovies.net)
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kingdom (1moviesz.to)
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Life'' ✓
* ''Life Story'' hdtodayz.to/azmovies.net
* ''Life In Color'' ✓
* ''Little Big Cat''
* ''Life in Cold Blood'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''London's Wild Side'' 
* ''Lands Of The Monsoon''
* ''Lions: Spy In The Den''
* ''Life In The Undergrowth'' azmovies.net, 
* ''Lost land of The Tiger'' (ihavenotv.com)
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Mammals'' (flix hq?) (ihavenotv)
* ''Mirco Monsters''ihavenotv,azmovies.net
* ''Madagascar'' (David Attenborugh) *hdtodayz.to*
* ''Mountains: Life Above the Clouds''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Nature's Great Events'' (Flix HQ)?
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''One Life'' (documentaryarea.com)
* ''Our Planet'' (flixq?) (ihavenotv.com) (Netflix on YouTube?)
* ''Ocean Giants'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''Our Planet II'' ✓
* ''Our Living World'' (Netlix on Youtube?)
* ''Operation Snow Tiger''
* ''Operation Dung Beetle''
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Planet Earth'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth II'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth III'' flixhq, ww5.tinyzone.org
* ''Planet Earth: Asia'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Africa''
* ''Planet Earth: Dynasties'' 
* ''Polar Bear: Spy On The Ice'' 
* ''Penguins: Spy In The Huddle (movies24free.com,moviemoza.com)
* ''Planet Earth: South Pacific'' (o123movies)
* ''Planet Earth: The Blue Planet II'' (flixhq?)
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Reindeer Family and Me''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Shark'' (azmovies.net)
* ''Serengeti'' ✓
* ''Serengeti II''
* ''Serengeti III'' ✓
* ''Spy In The Den''
* ''Spy In The Ocean (www.azmovies.net, moviemoza.com)
* ''Spy In The Wild'' ✓
* ''Snow Chick: A Penguin's Tale''
* ''South Pacific'' (has episodes) *flix hq?*,  azmovies.net
* ''Seven Worlds, One Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Hunt'' ✓
* ''Tiny Giants''
* ''The Wild Place'' 
* ''The Wild Sides'' ✓
* ''The Blue Planet'' (hdtodayz.to) (123cine.to) (movies113.com)
* ''Tropical Islands'' (ihavenotv.com? check)
* ''The Mating Game'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''The Cheetah Family &amp; Me ''
* ''The Great Bear Steak Out''
* ''The Polar Bear Family &amp; Me'' (1movies.bz, 123cine.to, moviemoza.com )
* ''The Great Rift: Africa's Wild Hart''
* ''Tiger Spy In The Jungle'' (David Attenbourgh) topdocumentarys.com, azmovies.net
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild West'' ✓
* ''Wild China'' (Roku) (flixhq.to)
* ''Wild Japan'' (look up)
* ''Wild Alaska''
* ''Wild Isles'' (flixhq.to)
* ''Wild Tokyo'' 
* ''Wild Arabia'' ✓
* ''Wild Brazil''
* ''Wild Nordic (moviemoza.com)
* ''Wild Singapore ''
* ''Wild Indonesia''
* ''Wild Patagonia'' ✓
* ''Wild Caribbean'' (pluto tv?)
* ''Wild Yellowstone''
* ''Wild New Zealand ''
* ''Wild City: Singapore ''
* ''Wild Lands: South Africa'' 
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone'' (flixhq.to), (movies228.com)
{{Col-end}}
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

'''Animal Planet Current Programing'''
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Puppy Bowl'' (Tv Series) 2005-Present 
* ''Pets and Pickers'' (Tv Series) 2022-Present
* ''Yellowstone Wardens'' (Tv Series) 2023-Present
* ''Wardens Of The North'' (Tv Series) 2023-Presnet
{{Col-end}}

'''Animal Planet Former Programing'''

===A===  
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Panda is Born''
* ''A Panda's Story''
* ''Animal Battlegrounds'' ✓
* ''Animal X'' (Tv Series) 1997–2002
* ''Animal Miracles'' (Tv Series) 2001–2003
* ''Animal Precinct'' (Tv Series) 2001–2008
* ''Animal Cops: Detroit'' (Tv Series) 2003–2010
* ''Animal Cops: Houston'' (Tv Series) 2003–2015
* ''Animal Cops: Phoenix'' (Tv Series) 2007–2009
* ''Animal Planet Zooventure'' (Tv Series) 1997–2000
* ''Austin Stevens: Snakemaster'' (Tv Series) 2004–2009
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Big Cat Tales'' ✓
* '' Big, Small &amp; Deadly''
* '' Big Cats: Secret Lives''
* '' Britain's Wildest Places'' ✓
* '' Battle Ground: Rhino Wars'' 
* '' Bad Dog'' (Tv Series) 2011-2016
* '' Big Cat Dairy'' (Tv Series) 1996-2005
* '' Breed All About It'' (Tv Series) 1997-2001
* '' Big Cat Tales: More From The Mara Region''
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Cats 101'' (Tv Series) 2008-2012
* ''Croc Files'' (Tv Series) 1999-2005
* ''Call Of The Wild Man'' (Tv Series) 2011-2014
* ''Crickey It's The Irwin's'' (Tv Show) 2018-2022
* ''Confessions: Animal Hording'' (Tv Series) 2010-2014
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dolphin Days'' ✓
* ''Dogs: The Untold Story''
* ''Dark Days In Monkey City''
* ''Dogs 101'' (Tv Series) 2008-2011
* ''Dr. Jeff: Rocky Mountain Vet'' (Tv Series) 2015-2022
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Escape To Chimp Eden'' 
* ''Emergency Vets'' (Tv Series) 1998-2008
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Going Ape'' ✓
* ''Gorilla School'' ✓
* ''Gator Boys'' (Tv Series) 2012-2017
* ''Gorillas on the Brink: Saving a Species''
* ''Growing up Animal Series: ''
* ''- Grizzly''
* ''- Lion''
* ''- Tiger ''
* ''- Cheetah ''
* ''- Marsupia''
* ''- Elephant''
* ''- Wolf''
* ''- Clouded Leopard''
* ''- Zebra''
* ''- Baboon''
* ''- Black Bear''
* ''- Orangutan''
* ''- Rhino''
* ''- Lynx''
* ''- Polar Bear''
* ''- Penguin''
* ''- Giraffe''
* ''- Walrus''
* ''- Hyena''
* ''- Camel''
* ''- Moose''
* ''- Leopard''
* ''- Sitka Deer''
* ''- Gorilla''
* ''- Giant Panda''
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride ''
* ''Into The Lions Den''
* ''I Was Prey'' (Tv Series) 2017-2019
* ''It's Me or The Dog'' (Tv Series) 2007-2012
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Jane Goodall's When Animals Talk''
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Whales: The Mega Hunt'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giants'' ✓
* ''Lemur Kingdom''
* ''League of Monkey's''
* ''Living With Man-Eaters'' ✓
* ''Lone Star Law'' (Tv Series) 2016-2022 
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man vs Bear'' ✓
* ''Meerkat Manor (www.azmovies.net)
* ''Mounted Branch'' ✓
* ''Man-Eating Super Croc''
* ''Man-Eating Super Squid''
* ''Mysterious Wild Of India'' 
* ''Meerkat Manor'' (Tv Series) 2005-2008 
* ''My Cat From Hell'' (Tv Series) 2011-2020
* ''Monsters Inside Me'' (Tv Series) 2009-2017
* ''Mysterious Creatures With Forrest Galante'' ✓
* ''Meet the Pandas: Washington's New Power Couple''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Night'' (Discovery+)
* ''North Woods Laws'' (Tv Series) 2012-2021
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Orangutan Island''
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Project Grizzly'' ✓
* ''Pandamonium'' ✓
* ''Panda Republic'' ✓
* ''Pet Star'' (Tv Series) 2002-2005
* ''Pit Boss'' (Tv Series) 2010-2013
* ''Pitbulls &amp; Parolees'' (Tv Series) 2009-2022
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rise of The Warrior Apes''
* ''Romeo &amp; Juliet: A Monkey's Tale''
* ''River Monsters'' (Tv Series) 2009-2017
* ''Rattle Snake Republic'' (Tv Series) 2012-2014
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Survival of the Beast''
* ''Season of The Grizzly''
* ''Saving Grace: The Otter'' ✓
* ''Safari: An Extraordinary Adventure''
* ''Swamp Wars'' (Tv Series) 2011-2013
* ''Saving The Gorillas: Ellen's Next Adventure'' ✓
* ''Austin Stevens: Snakemaster'' (Tv Series) 2004−2009
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile''
* ''The Pack'' ✓
* ''Tucan Nation''
* ''The Real Lion Queen'' (saved)
* ''The Beauty of Snakes'' 
* ''The Great Shark Chase'' 
* ''Tanked'' (Tv Series) 2011-2018
* ''The Zoo'' (Tv Series) 2017-2021
* ''Too Cute'' (Tv Series) 2011-2017
* ''The Vet Life'' (Tv Series) 2016-2020
* ''The Aquarium'' (Tv Series) 2020-2021
* ''The Most Extreme'' (Tv Series) 2002-2006
* ''The Zoo: San Deigo'' (Tv Series) 2019-2022
* ''The Crocodile Hunter'' (Tv Series) 1997-2004
* ''The Magic Of The Big Blue: Seven Continents'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''The Secret Life Of The Zoo'' (Tv Series) 2016-2020
* ''The Jeff Corwin Experience'' (Tv Series) 2001-2003
* ''The Planets Funniest Animals'' (Tv Series) 1990-2008
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed &amp; Uncut'' (Tv Series) 2008-2010
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Deep''
* ''Wild Costa Rica''
* ''Wild New Zealand''
* ''Wolves and Warriors'' ✓
* ''Walking With Elephants'' ✓
* ''Wild Africa: Rivers Of Life'' 
* ''Wildest Islands of Indonesia&quot; azmovies.net
* ''Whale Wars'' (Tv Series) 2008-2015
* ''Weird, True &amp; Freaky'' (Tv Series) 2008-2012
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Journals''
{{Col-end}}

===Z===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Zolton: The Wolfman'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________</text>
      <sha1>4b149hxgzwhdm4y0q6wyci69qk9b6z0</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3942318</id>
      <parentid>3942316</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-05-18T13:30:56Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Sandi74645</username>
        <id>3160827</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor />
      <comment>/* W */</comment>
      <origin>3942318</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="19869" sha1="jpt4aneejm9besr65sgtvj8pc63xyah" xml:space="preserve">'''&lt;big&gt;Current Programming&lt;/big&gt;'''
* ''Vet Detective&quot; (2026-Present)
* ''Wildlife ER'' (2023-Present) 
* ''Incredible Northern Vets'' (2025-Present)
* ''Secrets of The Zoo: Down Under''(2020-Present)


'''&lt;big&gt;Former Programming&lt;/big&gt;''' 
===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}                              
* ''A Penguin's Life'' ✓ 
* ''Africa's Hunters'' ✓  
* ''Africa's Wild West'' ✓
* ''Amazon Underworld'' ✓
* ''America the Beautiful'' ✓
* ''America's Wild Frontier'' 
* ''Alaska's Grizzly Gauntlet'' ✓ 
* ''Animals, They're Just Like Us!'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Brazil''
* ''Boss Croc'' ✓
* ''Bumblebees (youtube)
* ''Born In Africa'' ✓
* ''Baboon Queen'' 
* ''Birth of A Pride'' ✓
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' ✓ 
* ''Behind Russia's Frozen Curtain'' ✓
* ''Built for the Kill'' (Tv Series) (2001–2004)
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Cub Camp''✓
* ''Cobra Mafia'' ✓
* ''Chimp School''
* ''Cat Attack-tics'' ✓
* ''Croc Labyrinth'' 
* ''China's Wild Side''
* ''Cheetah Fatal Intints&quot;
* ''Clash of The Tigers'' (abc.com)
* ''Cat Wars: Lions Vs Cheetah'' (look up again)     
* ''Caribbean's Deadly Underworld'' 
* ''Caught in the Act'' (Tv Series) 2013-2022
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}   
* ''Dino Fish'' (look up again)
* ''Deadly Game''                                                                    
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Deadly Instincts'' 
* ''Deep Sea Killers'' ✓
* ''Dr. Oakley, Yukon Vet'' (Tv Series) 2014–2023
* ''Dr. K's Exotic Animal ER'' (Tv Series) 2014-2023
* ''Dr. Jeff: Rocky Mountain Vet'' (Tv Series) 2015-2022
* ''Dog Whisperer with Cesar Millan'' (Tv Series) 2004-2016
* ''Dangerous Encounters with Brady Barr'' (Tv Series) 2005–2012
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Extraordinary Birder with Christian Cooper'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Future Cat'' ✓
* ''Florida Untamed'' ✓
* ''Fur Seals: Battle For Survival'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Game of Lions'' ✓
* ''Grizzly Cauldron'' ✓  
* ''Gangster Jackals''
* ''Great Barrier Reef'' (ww5.tinyzone.org)
* ''Giraffe: African Giant'' ✓
* ''Galapagos: Enchanted Islands'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hippo Vs Croc'' ✓ 
* ''Hunt for The Giant Squid'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Okavango'' ✓ 
* ''Into The Pride Lands'' ✓
* ''India's Wild Leopards'' ✓ 
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Waterways''✓
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Jaguar vs Croc'' ✓
* ''Jaguar Journals (movies113.com)
* ''Jade Eyed Leopard'' ✓
* ''Jaguar Beach Battle'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Shew'' ✓
* ''Kiler Queen'' ✓
* ''Kingdom of The White Wolf'' ✓
* ''Kingdom Of The Polar Bears'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Little Killers''
* ''Lemur Island'' 
* ''Lion Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Lion Ganglands'' ✓
* ''Lion Battle Zone'' ✓
* ''Leopard Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Leopard Huntress'' ✓
* ''Land of 10,000 Grizzlies'' 
* ''Leopard: Ultimate Survivor'' (Look up)
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man Vs Lion'' ✓
* ''Man vs Monster''
* ''Mexico Untamed'' ✓
* ''Man vs Cheetah'' ✓
* ''Moster Croc Hunt'' ✓
* ''Mystery of the giant Cave Spider'' (saved/non english)
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Night on Earth'' (1movie.bz)
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Town'' (Saved &quot;No English&quot;)
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Penguinpalooza''
* ''Paradise Islands'' ✓
* ''Praire Dog Manor'' ✓
* ''Path of The Pather'' ✓
* ''Planet of the Birds'' ✓
* ''Predator In Paradise'' 
* ''Peru's Wild Kingdom'' (saved)
* ''Pristine Seas: The Power of Protection ✓
* ''Puma!: Elusive Hunter of the Andes'' (look up again)
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rebal Monkeys''
* ''Real Angry Birds''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Super Cat'' ✓
* ''South Africa'' (look up)?
* ''Super Squirrel''
* ''Surpet's Surprise'' ✓
* ''Strangest Bird Alive''  
* ''Secret Life of Pearls''  
* ''Secret Life of Tigers''
* ''Secrets of Wild India'' (streamm4u.com.co, 
* ''Secrets of the King Cobra'' ✓
* ''Snake City'' (Tv Series) 2014–2019
* ''Saving Giraffes: The Long Journey Home'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile'' 
* ''Tiger Wars'' ✓
* ''The Jungle King'' 
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''Tree Climbing Lions ✓
* ''The Forbidden River''
* ''The Unlikely Leopard'' ✓
* ''The Way of the Cheetah'' ✓
* ''The Great Elephant Walk''
* ''The Incredible Dr. Pol'' (Tv Series) 2011–2024
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas'' (fangdango at home=  {pay}
* ''Ultimate Honey Badger'' 
* ''Ultimate Rivals: Cats vs Dogs'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild 24'' (saved) 
* ''Wild Artic'✓' (abc.com) (nationalgeographic.com)
* ''Wild Chile''  nationalgeographic.com
* ''Wild Egypt'' ✓
* ''Wild Korea'' ✓
* ''Wild Hawaii'' ✓
* ''Wild Russia'' ✓
* ''Wild Nordic'' ✓
* ''Wild Borneo''
* ''Wild Vietnam''  ✓
* ''Wild Monsoon'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''Wild Thailand'' (saved)
* ''War Elephants'' 
* ''Wild Indonesia'' ✓
* ''Wild Sir Lanka'' ✓
* ''Wild Argentina'' (moviemoza.com) (pluto tv?), (ihavenotv.com)
* ''Wild Mississippi'' (has episodes)
* ''War of The Lions'' 
* ''Wild Yellowstone'' ✓
* ''Wild New Zealand'' 
* ''Wild Cats Of India'' ✓
* ''Whales of the Deep''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Yellowstone Wolves: Succession ✓
{{Col-end}}

===Numbers===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''20 years with Dolphins''
{{Col-end}}

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

'''National Geographic Animal Programming'''

'''&lt;big&gt;Current Programming&lt;/big&gt;'''

Incredible Northern Vets: 2024-

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Real Bug's Life'' ✓
* ''A Real Bug's Life II'' ✓
* ''America's National Parks'' ✓
* ''Animal's They're Just Like US!'' ✓
* ''Animals up close with Bertie Gregory'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Bumblebees ✓
* ''Bear Island&quot;
* ''Born in Africa'' 
* ''Battle For Elephants''
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' 
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Chimps on The Edge
* ''Cheetahs Up Close with Berite Gregory ✓
* ''Ceaser Millian: The Dog Whisper'' (Tv Series) 2004-2012
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Dolphins Up Close with Bertie Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Eye of The Leopard ✓
* ''Expedition Great White'' (paramount+)
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ghost Elephants ✓
* ''Great Migration's'' ✓
* ''Gabon:The Last Eden''
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride (movies228.com)
* ''Into The Pride Lands ✓
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kangaroo Kaos
* ''Kingdom of The Polar Bear'' ✓
* ''Kingdom of The White Wolf'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant''✓
* ''Last of The Giants: Wild Fish'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Meet The Chimps''✓
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''National Parks: USA'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Path of The Panther'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===Q===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Queens'' ✓
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''She Wolf'' ✓
* ''Squid vs Whale''
* ''Savage Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Secrets of The Bees ✓
* ''Secrets of The Whales'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Penguins'' ✓
* ''Secrets of The Elephants'' ✓
* ''Shark Movers Deadly Cargo'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Flood'' ✓
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''The Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓
* ''The Last Rhinos: A New Hope ✓
* ''The Hidden Kingdoms of China'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas''
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wildlife: The Big Freeze''
* ''Wildlife: Resurrection Island''
* ''Wolves: A Legend Return to Yellowstone''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty''
{{Col-end}}

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''BBC America/BBC Earth Programming'''

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Asia'' ✓
* ''Africa'' ✓
* ''Asia: Bonus Edition  
* ''A Perfect Planet'' (1movies.bz)
* ''Africa's Wild Year'' ✓
* ''A Wild Year On Earth'' ✓
* ''Attenborough and the Giant Elephant'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Blue Planet'' ✓
* ''Blue Planet II'' ✓
* ''Big Cats 24/7'' ✓
* ''Big Bear Diary'' ✓
* ''Big Little Journeys''
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dynasties'' (1movies.bz) *David Attenborough* 
* ''Deep Blue'' (viral2day.me, ww5.tinyzone.org,streamm4u.com.co,publicflix.org,123movies9.fun )
* ''Dynasties II'' (Daily Motion?)
* ''Dogs In The Wild: Meet The Family'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''David Attenborough: A Life on our Planet'' ✓
* ''David Attenborough: Life In Cold Blood (movies113.com, 
* ''David Attenborough:  Conquest of the Skies (azmovies.net)
* ''Deep Ocean: The Lost World Of The Pacific'' (Saved)
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''China: Nature Ancient Kingdom'' (flixhq)
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Earth Flight'' ihavenotv?, hdtodayz.to, azmovies.net
* ''Expedition Wolf'' (check)
* ''Enchanted Kingdom'' (Idris Elba) *viral2day.me*
* ''Earth's Great River's'' (ihavenotv)
* ''Earth's Great Seasons'' ✓
* ''Earth's Great River's II'' (ihavenotv?)
* ''Earth Tropical Islands'' (ihavenotv?)
* ''Eden: Untamed Planet'' (flixhq) Or (ihavenotv)
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Frozen Planet'' ✓
* ''Frozen Planet II'' (1moviesz.to)
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Galapagos'' hdtodayz.to, 123cine.to, moviemoza.com, 
* ''Great Barrier Reef'' flixhq, azmovies.net, 
* ''Gorilla Family and Me''
* ''Grizzy Bear Cubs and Me (movies228.com)
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
* ''Hidden Habitats'' (hdtodayz.to)
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Japan: Earth's Enchanted Islands'' (azmovies.net)
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kingdom (1moviesz.to)
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Life'' ✓
* ''Life Story'' hdtodayz.to/azmovies.net
* ''Life In Color'' ✓
* ''Little Big Cat''
* ''Life in Cold Blood'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''London's Wild Side'' 
* ''Lands Of The Monsoon''
* ''Lions: Spy In The Den''
* ''Life In The Undergrowth'' azmovies.net, 
* ''Lost land of The Tiger'' (ihavenotv.com)
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Mammals'' (flix hq?) (ihavenotv)
* ''Mirco Monsters''ihavenotv,azmovies.net
* ''Madagascar'' (David Attenborugh) *hdtodayz.to*
* ''Mountains: Life Above the Clouds''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Nature's Great Events'' (Flix HQ)?
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''One Life'' (documentaryarea.com)
* ''Our Planet'' (flixq?) (ihavenotv.com) (Netflix on YouTube?)
* ''Ocean Giants'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''Our Planet II'' ✓
* ''Our Living World'' (Netlix on Youtube?)
* ''Operation Snow Tiger''
* ''Operation Dung Beetle''
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Planet Earth'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth II'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth III'' flixhq, ww5.tinyzone.org
* ''Planet Earth: Asia'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Africa''
* ''Planet Earth: Dynasties'' 
* ''Polar Bear: Spy On The Ice'' 
* ''Penguins: Spy In The Huddle (movies24free.com,moviemoza.com)
* ''Planet Earth: South Pacific'' (o123movies)
* ''Planet Earth: The Blue Planet II'' (flixhq?)
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Reindeer Family and Me''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Shark'' (azmovies.net)
* ''Serengeti'' ✓
* ''Serengeti II''
* ''Serengeti III'' ✓
* ''Spy In The Den''
* ''Spy In The Ocean (www.azmovies.net, moviemoza.com)
* ''Spy In The Wild'' ✓
* ''Snow Chick: A Penguin's Tale''
* ''South Pacific'' (has episodes) *flix hq?*,  azmovies.net
* ''Seven Worlds, One Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Hunt'' ✓
* ''Tiny Giants''
* ''The Wild Place'' 
* ''The Wild Sides'' ✓
* ''The Blue Planet'' (hdtodayz.to) (123cine.to) (movies113.com)
* ''Tropical Islands'' (ihavenotv.com? check)
* ''The Mating Game'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''The Cheetah Family &amp; Me ''
* ''The Great Bear Steak Out''
* ''The Polar Bear Family &amp; Me'' (1movies.bz, 123cine.to, moviemoza.com )
* ''The Great Rift: Africa's Wild Hart''
* ''Tiger Spy In The Jungle'' (David Attenbourgh) topdocumentarys.com, azmovies.net
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild West'' ✓
* ''Wild Spring
* ''Wild China'' (Roku) (flixhq.to)
* ''Wild Japan'' (look up)
* ''Wild Alaska''
* ''Wild Isles'' (flixhq.to)
* ''Wild Tokyo'' 
* ''Wild Arabia'' ✓
* ''Wild Brazil''
* ''Wild Nordic (moviemoza.com)
* ''Wild Singapore ''
* ''Wild Indonesia''
* ''Wild Patagonia'' ✓
* ''Wild Caribbean'' (pluto tv?)
* ''Wild Yellowstone''
* ''Wild New Zealand ''
* ''Wild City: Singapore ''
* ''Wild Lands: South Africa'' 
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone'' (flixhq.to), (movies228.com)
{{Col-end}}
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

'''Animal Planet Current Programing'''
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Puppy Bowl'' (Tv Series) 2005-Present 
* ''Pets and Pickers'' (Tv Series) 2022-Present
* ''Yellowstone Wardens'' (Tv Series) 2023-Present
* ''Wardens Of The North'' (Tv Series) 2023-Presnet
{{Col-end}}

'''Animal Planet Former Programing'''

===A===  
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Panda is Born''
* ''A Panda's Story''
* ''Animal Battlegrounds'' ✓
* ''Animal X'' (Tv Series) 1997–2002
* ''Animal Miracles'' (Tv Series) 2001–2003
* ''Animal Precinct'' (Tv Series) 2001–2008
* ''Animal Cops: Detroit'' (Tv Series) 2003–2010
* ''Animal Cops: Houston'' (Tv Series) 2003–2015
* ''Animal Cops: Phoenix'' (Tv Series) 2007–2009
* ''Animal Planet Zooventure'' (Tv Series) 1997–2000
* ''Austin Stevens: Snakemaster'' (Tv Series) 2004–2009
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Big Cat Tales'' ✓
* '' Big, Small &amp; Deadly''
* '' Big Cats: Secret Lives''
* '' Britain's Wildest Places'' ✓
* '' Battle Ground: Rhino Wars'' 
* '' Bad Dog'' (Tv Series) 2011-2016
* '' Big Cat Dairy'' (Tv Series) 1996-2005
* '' Breed All About It'' (Tv Series) 1997-2001
* '' Big Cat Tales: More From The Mara Region''
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Cats 101'' (Tv Series) 2008-2012
* ''Croc Files'' (Tv Series) 1999-2005
* ''Call Of The Wild Man'' (Tv Series) 2011-2014
* ''Crickey It's The Irwin's'' (Tv Show) 2018-2022
* ''Confessions: Animal Hording'' (Tv Series) 2010-2014
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dolphin Days'' ✓
* ''Dogs: The Untold Story''
* ''Dark Days In Monkey City''
* ''Dogs 101'' (Tv Series) 2008-2011
* ''Dr. Jeff: Rocky Mountain Vet'' (Tv Series) 2015-2022
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Escape To Chimp Eden'' 
* ''Emergency Vets'' (Tv Series) 1998-2008
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Going Ape'' ✓
* ''Gorilla School'' ✓
* ''Gator Boys'' (Tv Series) 2012-2017
* ''Gorillas on the Brink: Saving a Species''
* ''Growing up Animal Series: ''
* ''- Grizzly''
* ''- Lion''
* ''- Tiger ''
* ''- Cheetah ''
* ''- Marsupia''
* ''- Elephant''
* ''- Wolf''
* ''- Clouded Leopard''
* ''- Zebra''
* ''- Baboon''
* ''- Black Bear''
* ''- Orangutan''
* ''- Rhino''
* ''- Lynx''
* ''- Polar Bear''
* ''- Penguin''
* ''- Giraffe''
* ''- Walrus''
* ''- Hyena''
* ''- Camel''
* ''- Moose''
* ''- Leopard''
* ''- Sitka Deer''
* ''- Gorilla''
* ''- Giant Panda''
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride ''
* ''Into The Lions Den''
* ''I Was Prey'' (Tv Series) 2017-2019
* ''It's Me or The Dog'' (Tv Series) 2007-2012
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Jane Goodall's When Animals Talk''
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Whales: The Mega Hunt'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giants'' ✓
* ''Lemur Kingdom''
* ''League of Monkey's''
* ''Living With Man-Eaters'' ✓
* ''Lone Star Law'' (Tv Series) 2016-2022 
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man vs Bear'' ✓
* ''Meerkat Manor (www.azmovies.net)
* ''Mounted Branch'' ✓
* ''Man-Eating Super Croc''
* ''Man-Eating Super Squid''
* ''Mysterious Wild Of India'' 
* ''Meerkat Manor'' (Tv Series) 2005-2008 
* ''My Cat From Hell'' (Tv Series) 2011-2020
* ''Monsters Inside Me'' (Tv Series) 2009-2017
* ''Mysterious Creatures With Forrest Galante'' ✓
* ''Meet the Pandas: Washington's New Power Couple''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Night'' (Discovery+)
* ''North Woods Laws'' (Tv Series) 2012-2021
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Orangutan Island''
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Project Grizzly'' ✓
* ''Pandamonium'' ✓
* ''Panda Republic'' ✓
* ''Pet Star'' (Tv Series) 2002-2005
* ''Pit Boss'' (Tv Series) 2010-2013
* ''Pitbulls &amp; Parolees'' (Tv Series) 2009-2022
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rise of The Warrior Apes''
* ''Romeo &amp; Juliet: A Monkey's Tale''
* ''River Monsters'' (Tv Series) 2009-2017
* ''Rattle Snake Republic'' (Tv Series) 2012-2014
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Survival of the Beast''
* ''Season of The Grizzly''
* ''Saving Grace: The Otter'' ✓
* ''Safari: An Extraordinary Adventure''
* ''Swamp Wars'' (Tv Series) 2011-2013
* ''Saving The Gorillas: Ellen's Next Adventure'' ✓
* ''Austin Stevens: Snakemaster'' (Tv Series) 2004−2009
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile''
* ''The Pack'' ✓
* ''Tucan Nation''
* ''The Real Lion Queen'' (saved)
* ''The Beauty of Snakes'' 
* ''The Great Shark Chase'' 
* ''Tanked'' (Tv Series) 2011-2018
* ''The Zoo'' (Tv Series) 2017-2021
* ''Too Cute'' (Tv Series) 2011-2017
* ''The Vet Life'' (Tv Series) 2016-2020
* ''The Aquarium'' (Tv Series) 2020-2021
* ''The Most Extreme'' (Tv Series) 2002-2006
* ''The Zoo: San Deigo'' (Tv Series) 2019-2022
* ''The Crocodile Hunter'' (Tv Series) 1997-2004
* ''The Magic Of The Big Blue: Seven Continents'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''The Secret Life Of The Zoo'' (Tv Series) 2016-2020
* ''The Jeff Corwin Experience'' (Tv Series) 2001-2003
* ''The Planets Funniest Animals'' (Tv Series) 1990-2008
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed &amp; Uncut'' (Tv Series) 2008-2010
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Deep''
* ''Wild Costa Rica''
* ''Wild New Zealand''
* ''Wolves and Warriors'' ✓
* ''Walking With Elephants'' ✓
* ''Wild Africa: Rivers Of Life'' 
* ''Wildest Islands of Indonesia&quot; azmovies.net
* ''Whale Wars'' (Tv Series) 2008-2015
* ''Weird, True &amp; Freaky'' (Tv Series) 2008-2012
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Journals''
{{Col-end}}

===Z===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Zolton: The Wolfman'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________</text>
      <sha1>jpt4aneejm9besr65sgtvj8pc63xyah</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3942319</id>
      <parentid>3942318</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-05-18T13:31:54Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Sandi74645</username>
        <id>3160827</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor />
      <comment>/* W */</comment>
      <origin>3942319</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="19888" sha1="8sb3oh0gg777929fv3t7mg7cqv19qzk" xml:space="preserve">'''&lt;big&gt;Current Programming&lt;/big&gt;'''
* ''Vet Detective&quot; (2026-Present)
* ''Wildlife ER'' (2023-Present) 
* ''Incredible Northern Vets'' (2025-Present)
* ''Secrets of The Zoo: Down Under''(2020-Present)


'''&lt;big&gt;Former Programming&lt;/big&gt;''' 
===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}                              
* ''A Penguin's Life'' ✓ 
* ''Africa's Hunters'' ✓  
* ''Africa's Wild West'' ✓
* ''Amazon Underworld'' ✓
* ''America the Beautiful'' ✓
* ''America's Wild Frontier'' 
* ''Alaska's Grizzly Gauntlet'' ✓ 
* ''Animals, They're Just Like Us!'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Brazil''
* ''Boss Croc'' ✓
* ''Bumblebees (youtube)
* ''Born In Africa'' ✓
* ''Baboon Queen'' 
* ''Birth of A Pride'' ✓
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' ✓ 
* ''Behind Russia's Frozen Curtain'' ✓
* ''Built for the Kill'' (Tv Series) (2001–2004)
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Cub Camp''✓
* ''Cobra Mafia'' ✓
* ''Chimp School''
* ''Cat Attack-tics'' ✓
* ''Croc Labyrinth'' 
* ''China's Wild Side''
* ''Cheetah Fatal Intints&quot;
* ''Clash of The Tigers'' (abc.com)
* ''Cat Wars: Lions Vs Cheetah'' (look up again)     
* ''Caribbean's Deadly Underworld'' 
* ''Caught in the Act'' (Tv Series) 2013-2022
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}   
* ''Dino Fish'' (look up again)
* ''Deadly Game''                                                                    
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Deadly Instincts'' 
* ''Deep Sea Killers'' ✓
* ''Dr. Oakley, Yukon Vet'' (Tv Series) 2014–2023
* ''Dr. K's Exotic Animal ER'' (Tv Series) 2014-2023
* ''Dr. Jeff: Rocky Mountain Vet'' (Tv Series) 2015-2022
* ''Dog Whisperer with Cesar Millan'' (Tv Series) 2004-2016
* ''Dangerous Encounters with Brady Barr'' (Tv Series) 2005–2012
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Extraordinary Birder with Christian Cooper'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Future Cat'' ✓
* ''Florida Untamed'' ✓
* ''Fur Seals: Battle For Survival'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Game of Lions'' ✓
* ''Grizzly Cauldron'' ✓  
* ''Gangster Jackals''
* ''Great Barrier Reef'' (ww5.tinyzone.org)
* ''Giraffe: African Giant'' ✓
* ''Galapagos: Enchanted Islands'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hippo Vs Croc'' ✓ 
* ''Hunt for The Giant Squid'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Okavango'' ✓ 
* ''Into The Pride Lands'' ✓
* ''India's Wild Leopards'' ✓ 
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Waterways''✓
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Jaguar vs Croc'' ✓
* ''Jaguar Journals (movies113.com)
* ''Jade Eyed Leopard'' ✓
* ''Jaguar Beach Battle'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Shew'' ✓
* ''Kiler Queen'' ✓
* ''Kingdom of The White Wolf'' ✓
* ''Kingdom Of The Polar Bears'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Little Killers''
* ''Lemur Island'' 
* ''Lion Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Lion Ganglands'' ✓
* ''Lion Battle Zone'' ✓
* ''Leopard Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Leopard Huntress'' ✓
* ''Land of 10,000 Grizzlies'' 
* ''Leopard: Ultimate Survivor'' (Look up)
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man Vs Lion'' ✓
* ''Man vs Monster''
* ''Mexico Untamed'' ✓
* ''Man vs Cheetah'' ✓
* ''Moster Croc Hunt'' ✓
* ''Mystery of the giant Cave Spider'' (saved/non english)
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Night on Earth'' (1movie.bz)
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Town'' (Saved &quot;No English&quot;)
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Penguinpalooza''
* ''Paradise Islands'' ✓
* ''Praire Dog Manor'' ✓
* ''Path of The Pather'' ✓
* ''Planet of the Birds'' ✓
* ''Predator In Paradise'' 
* ''Peru's Wild Kingdom'' (saved)
* ''Pristine Seas: The Power of Protection ✓
* ''Puma!: Elusive Hunter of the Andes'' (look up again)
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rebal Monkeys''
* ''Real Angry Birds''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Super Cat'' ✓
* ''South Africa'' (look up)?
* ''Super Squirrel''
* ''Surpet's Surprise'' ✓
* ''Strangest Bird Alive''  
* ''Secret Life of Pearls''  
* ''Secret Life of Tigers''
* ''Secrets of Wild India'' (streamm4u.com.co, 
* ''Secrets of the King Cobra'' ✓
* ''Snake City'' (Tv Series) 2014–2019
* ''Saving Giraffes: The Long Journey Home'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile'' 
* ''Tiger Wars'' ✓
* ''The Jungle King'' 
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''Tree Climbing Lions ✓
* ''The Forbidden River''
* ''The Unlikely Leopard'' ✓
* ''The Way of the Cheetah'' ✓
* ''The Great Elephant Walk''
* ''The Incredible Dr. Pol'' (Tv Series) 2011–2024
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas'' (fangdango at home=  {pay}
* ''Ultimate Honey Badger'' 
* ''Ultimate Rivals: Cats vs Dogs'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild 24'' (saved) 
* ''Wild Artic'✓' (abc.com) (nationalgeographic.com)
* ''Wild Chile''  nationalgeographic.com
* ''Wild Egypt'' ✓
* ''Wild Korea'' ✓
* ''Wild Hawaii'' ✓
* ''Wild Russia'' ✓
* ''Wild Nordic'' ✓
* ''Wild Borneo''
* ''Wild Vietnam''  ✓
* ''Wild Monsoon'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''Wild Thailand'' (saved)
* ''War Elephants'' 
* ''Wild Indonesia'' ✓
* ''Wild Sir Lanka'' ✓
* ''Wild Argentina'' (moviemoza.com) (pluto tv?), (ihavenotv.com)
* ''Wild Mississippi'' (has episodes)
* ''War of The Lions'' 
* ''Wild Yellowstone'' ✓
* ''Wild New Zealand'' 
* ''Wild Cats Of India'' ✓
* ''Whales of the Deep''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Yellowstone Wolves: Succession ✓
{{Col-end}}

===Numbers===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''20 years with Dolphins''
{{Col-end}}

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

'''National Geographic Animal Programming'''

'''&lt;big&gt;Current Programming&lt;/big&gt;'''

Incredible Northern Vets: 2024-

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Real Bug's Life'' ✓
* ''A Real Bug's Life II'' ✓
* ''America's National Parks'' ✓
* ''Animal's They're Just Like US!'' ✓
* ''Animals up close with Bertie Gregory'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Bumblebees ✓
* ''Bear Island&quot;
* ''Born in Africa'' 
* ''Battle For Elephants''
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' 
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Chimps on The Edge
* ''Cheetahs Up Close with Berite Gregory ✓
* ''Ceaser Millian: The Dog Whisper'' (Tv Series) 2004-2012
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Dolphins Up Close with Bertie Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Eye of The Leopard ✓
* ''Expedition Great White'' (paramount+)
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ghost Elephants ✓
* ''Great Migration's'' ✓
* ''Gabon:The Last Eden''
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride (movies228.com)
* ''Into The Pride Lands ✓
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kangaroo Kaos
* ''Kingdom of The Polar Bear'' ✓
* ''Kingdom of The White Wolf'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant''✓
* ''Last of The Giants: Wild Fish'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Meet The Chimps''✓
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''National Parks: USA'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Path of The Panther'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===Q===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Queens'' ✓
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''She Wolf'' ✓
* ''Squid vs Whale''
* ''Savage Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Secrets of The Bees ✓
* ''Secrets of The Whales'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Penguins'' ✓
* ''Secrets of The Elephants'' ✓
* ''Shark Movers Deadly Cargo'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Flood'' ✓
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''The Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓
* ''The Last Rhinos: A New Hope ✓
* ''The Hidden Kingdoms of China'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas''
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wildlife: The Big Freeze''
* ''Wildlife: Resurrection Island''
* ''Wolves: A Legend Return to Yellowstone''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty''
{{Col-end}}

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''BBC America/BBC Earth Programming'''

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Asia'' ✓
* ''Africa'' ✓
* ''Asia: Bonus Edition  
* ''A Perfect Planet'' (1movies.bz)
* ''Africa's Wild Year'' ✓
* ''A Wild Year On Earth'' ✓
* ''Attenborough and the Giant Elephant'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Blue Planet'' ✓
* ''Blue Planet II'' ✓
* ''Big Cats 24/7'' ✓
* ''Big Bear Diary'' ✓
* ''Big Little Journeys''
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dynasties'' (1movies.bz) *David Attenborough* 
* ''Deep Blue'' (viral2day.me, ww5.tinyzone.org,streamm4u.com.co,publicflix.org,123movies9.fun )
* ''Dynasties II'' (Daily Motion?)
* ''Dogs In The Wild: Meet The Family'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''David Attenborough: A Life on our Planet'' ✓
* ''David Attenborough: Life In Cold Blood (movies113.com, 
* ''David Attenborough:  Conquest of the Skies (azmovies.net)
* ''Deep Ocean: The Lost World Of The Pacific'' (Saved)
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''China: Nature Ancient Kingdom'' (flixhq)
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Earth Flight'' ihavenotv?, hdtodayz.to, azmovies.net
* ''Expedition Wolf'' (check)
* ''Enchanted Kingdom'' (Idris Elba) *viral2day.me*
* ''Earth's Great River's'' (ihavenotv)
* ''Earth's Great Seasons'' ✓
* ''Earth's Great River's II'' (ihavenotv?)
* ''Earth Tropical Islands'' (ihavenotv?)
* ''Eden: Untamed Planet'' (flixhq) Or (ihavenotv)
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Frozen Planet'' ✓
* ''Frozen Planet II'' (1moviesz.to)
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Galapagos'' hdtodayz.to, 123cine.to, moviemoza.com, 
* ''Great Barrier Reef'' flixhq, azmovies.net, 
* ''Gorilla Family and Me''
* ''Grizzy Bear Cubs and Me (movies228.com)
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
* ''Hidden Habitats'' (hdtodayz.to)
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Japan: Earth's Enchanted Islands'' (azmovies.net)
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kingdom (1moviesz.to)
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Life'' ✓
* ''Life Story'' hdtodayz.to/azmovies.net
* ''Life In Color'' ✓
* ''Little Big Cat''
* ''Life in Cold Blood'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''London's Wild Side'' 
* ''Lands Of The Monsoon''
* ''Lions: Spy In The Den''
* ''Life In The Undergrowth'' azmovies.net, 
* ''Lost land of The Tiger'' (ihavenotv.com)
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Mammals'' (flix hq?) (ihavenotv)
* ''Mirco Monsters''ihavenotv,azmovies.net
* ''Madagascar'' (David Attenborugh) *hdtodayz.to*
* ''Mountains: Life Above the Clouds''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Nature's Great Events'' (Flix HQ)?
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''One Life'' (documentaryarea.com)
* ''Our Planet'' (flixq?) (ihavenotv.com) (Netflix on YouTube?)
* ''Ocean Giants'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''Our Planet II'' ✓
* ''Our Living World'' (Netlix on Youtube?)
* ''Operation Snow Tiger''
* ''Operation Dung Beetle''
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Planet Earth'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth II'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth III'' flixhq, ww5.tinyzone.org
* ''Planet Earth: Asia'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Africa''
* ''Planet Earth: Dynasties'' 
* ''Polar Bear: Spy On The Ice'' 
* ''Penguins: Spy In The Huddle (movies24free.com,moviemoza.com)
* ''Planet Earth: South Pacific'' (o123movies)
* ''Planet Earth: The Blue Planet II'' (flixhq?)
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Reindeer Family and Me''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Shark'' (azmovies.net)
* ''Serengeti'' ✓
* ''Serengeti II''
* ''Serengeti III'' ✓
* ''Spy In The Den''
* ''Spy In The Ocean (www.azmovies.net, moviemoza.com)
* ''Spy In The Wild'' ✓
* ''Snow Chick: A Penguin's Tale''
* ''South Pacific'' (has episodes) *flix hq?*,  azmovies.net
* ''Seven Worlds, One Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Hunt'' ✓
* ''Tiny Giants''
* ''The Wild Place'' 
* ''The Wild Sides'' ✓
* ''The Blue Planet'' (hdtodayz.to) (123cine.to) (movies113.com)
* ''Tropical Islands'' (ihavenotv.com? check)
* ''The Mating Game'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''The Cheetah Family &amp; Me ''
* ''The Great Bear Steak Out''
* ''The Polar Bear Family &amp; Me'' (1movies.bz, 123cine.to, moviemoza.com )
* ''The Great Rift: Africa's Wild Hart''
* ''Tiger Spy In The Jungle'' (David Attenbourgh) topdocumentarys.com, azmovies.net
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild West'' ✓
* ''Wild Spring
* ''Wild China'' (Roku) (flixhq.to)
* ''Wild Japan'' (look up)
* ''Wild Alaska''
* ''Wild Isles'' (flixhq.to)
* ''Wild Tokyo'' 
* ''Wild Arabia'' ✓
* ''Wild Brazil'' (movies24free.com)
* ''Wild Nordic (moviemoza.com)
* ''Wild Singapore ''
* ''Wild Indonesia''
* ''Wild Patagonia'' ✓
* ''Wild Caribbean'' (pluto tv?)
* ''Wild Yellowstone''
* ''Wild New Zealand ''
* ''Wild City: Singapore ''
* ''Wild Lands: South Africa'' 
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone'' (flixhq.to), (movies228.com)
{{Col-end}}
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

'''Animal Planet Current Programing'''
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Puppy Bowl'' (Tv Series) 2005-Present 
* ''Pets and Pickers'' (Tv Series) 2022-Present
* ''Yellowstone Wardens'' (Tv Series) 2023-Present
* ''Wardens Of The North'' (Tv Series) 2023-Presnet
{{Col-end}}

'''Animal Planet Former Programing'''

===A===  
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Panda is Born''
* ''A Panda's Story''
* ''Animal Battlegrounds'' ✓
* ''Animal X'' (Tv Series) 1997–2002
* ''Animal Miracles'' (Tv Series) 2001–2003
* ''Animal Precinct'' (Tv Series) 2001–2008
* ''Animal Cops: Detroit'' (Tv Series) 2003–2010
* ''Animal Cops: Houston'' (Tv Series) 2003–2015
* ''Animal Cops: Phoenix'' (Tv Series) 2007–2009
* ''Animal Planet Zooventure'' (Tv Series) 1997–2000
* ''Austin Stevens: Snakemaster'' (Tv Series) 2004–2009
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Big Cat Tales'' ✓
* '' Big, Small &amp; Deadly''
* '' Big Cats: Secret Lives''
* '' Britain's Wildest Places'' ✓
* '' Battle Ground: Rhino Wars'' 
* '' Bad Dog'' (Tv Series) 2011-2016
* '' Big Cat Dairy'' (Tv Series) 1996-2005
* '' Breed All About It'' (Tv Series) 1997-2001
* '' Big Cat Tales: More From The Mara Region''
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Cats 101'' (Tv Series) 2008-2012
* ''Croc Files'' (Tv Series) 1999-2005
* ''Call Of The Wild Man'' (Tv Series) 2011-2014
* ''Crickey It's The Irwin's'' (Tv Show) 2018-2022
* ''Confessions: Animal Hording'' (Tv Series) 2010-2014
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dolphin Days'' ✓
* ''Dogs: The Untold Story''
* ''Dark Days In Monkey City''
* ''Dogs 101'' (Tv Series) 2008-2011
* ''Dr. Jeff: Rocky Mountain Vet'' (Tv Series) 2015-2022
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Escape To Chimp Eden'' 
* ''Emergency Vets'' (Tv Series) 1998-2008
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Going Ape'' ✓
* ''Gorilla School'' ✓
* ''Gator Boys'' (Tv Series) 2012-2017
* ''Gorillas on the Brink: Saving a Species''
* ''Growing up Animal Series: ''
* ''- Grizzly''
* ''- Lion''
* ''- Tiger ''
* ''- Cheetah ''
* ''- Marsupia''
* ''- Elephant''
* ''- Wolf''
* ''- Clouded Leopard''
* ''- Zebra''
* ''- Baboon''
* ''- Black Bear''
* ''- Orangutan''
* ''- Rhino''
* ''- Lynx''
* ''- Polar Bear''
* ''- Penguin''
* ''- Giraffe''
* ''- Walrus''
* ''- Hyena''
* ''- Camel''
* ''- Moose''
* ''- Leopard''
* ''- Sitka Deer''
* ''- Gorilla''
* ''- Giant Panda''
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride ''
* ''Into The Lions Den''
* ''I Was Prey'' (Tv Series) 2017-2019
* ''It's Me or The Dog'' (Tv Series) 2007-2012
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Jane Goodall's When Animals Talk''
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Whales: The Mega Hunt'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giants'' ✓
* ''Lemur Kingdom''
* ''League of Monkey's''
* ''Living With Man-Eaters'' ✓
* ''Lone Star Law'' (Tv Series) 2016-2022 
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man vs Bear'' ✓
* ''Meerkat Manor (www.azmovies.net)
* ''Mounted Branch'' ✓
* ''Man-Eating Super Croc''
* ''Man-Eating Super Squid''
* ''Mysterious Wild Of India'' 
* ''Meerkat Manor'' (Tv Series) 2005-2008 
* ''My Cat From Hell'' (Tv Series) 2011-2020
* ''Monsters Inside Me'' (Tv Series) 2009-2017
* ''Mysterious Creatures With Forrest Galante'' ✓
* ''Meet the Pandas: Washington's New Power Couple''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Night'' (Discovery+)
* ''North Woods Laws'' (Tv Series) 2012-2021
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Orangutan Island''
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Project Grizzly'' ✓
* ''Pandamonium'' ✓
* ''Panda Republic'' ✓
* ''Pet Star'' (Tv Series) 2002-2005
* ''Pit Boss'' (Tv Series) 2010-2013
* ''Pitbulls &amp; Parolees'' (Tv Series) 2009-2022
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rise of The Warrior Apes''
* ''Romeo &amp; Juliet: A Monkey's Tale''
* ''River Monsters'' (Tv Series) 2009-2017
* ''Rattle Snake Republic'' (Tv Series) 2012-2014
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Survival of the Beast''
* ''Season of The Grizzly''
* ''Saving Grace: The Otter'' ✓
* ''Safari: An Extraordinary Adventure''
* ''Swamp Wars'' (Tv Series) 2011-2013
* ''Saving The Gorillas: Ellen's Next Adventure'' ✓
* ''Austin Stevens: Snakemaster'' (Tv Series) 2004−2009
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile''
* ''The Pack'' ✓
* ''Tucan Nation''
* ''The Real Lion Queen'' (saved)
* ''The Beauty of Snakes'' 
* ''The Great Shark Chase'' 
* ''Tanked'' (Tv Series) 2011-2018
* ''The Zoo'' (Tv Series) 2017-2021
* ''Too Cute'' (Tv Series) 2011-2017
* ''The Vet Life'' (Tv Series) 2016-2020
* ''The Aquarium'' (Tv Series) 2020-2021
* ''The Most Extreme'' (Tv Series) 2002-2006
* ''The Zoo: San Deigo'' (Tv Series) 2019-2022
* ''The Crocodile Hunter'' (Tv Series) 1997-2004
* ''The Magic Of The Big Blue: Seven Continents'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''The Secret Life Of The Zoo'' (Tv Series) 2016-2020
* ''The Jeff Corwin Experience'' (Tv Series) 2001-2003
* ''The Planets Funniest Animals'' (Tv Series) 1990-2008
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed &amp; Uncut'' (Tv Series) 2008-2010
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Deep''
* ''Wild Costa Rica''
* ''Wild New Zealand''
* ''Wolves and Warriors'' ✓
* ''Walking With Elephants'' ✓
* ''Wild Africa: Rivers Of Life'' 
* ''Wildest Islands of Indonesia&quot; azmovies.net
* ''Whale Wars'' (Tv Series) 2008-2015
* ''Weird, True &amp; Freaky'' (Tv Series) 2008-2012
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Journals''
{{Col-end}}

===Z===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Zolton: The Wolfman'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________</text>
      <sha1>8sb3oh0gg777929fv3t7mg7cqv19qzk</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3942320</id>
      <parentid>3942319</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-05-18T13:32:31Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Sandi74645</username>
        <id>3160827</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor />
      <comment>/* C */</comment>
      <origin>3942320</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="19889" sha1="em0m0i350sdujyfvwqaaqpawwyw48pt" xml:space="preserve">'''&lt;big&gt;Current Programming&lt;/big&gt;'''
* ''Vet Detective&quot; (2026-Present)
* ''Wildlife ER'' (2023-Present) 
* ''Incredible Northern Vets'' (2025-Present)
* ''Secrets of The Zoo: Down Under''(2020-Present)


'''&lt;big&gt;Former Programming&lt;/big&gt;''' 
===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}                              
* ''A Penguin's Life'' ✓ 
* ''Africa's Hunters'' ✓  
* ''Africa's Wild West'' ✓
* ''Amazon Underworld'' ✓
* ''America the Beautiful'' ✓
* ''America's Wild Frontier'' 
* ''Alaska's Grizzly Gauntlet'' ✓ 
* ''Animals, They're Just Like Us!'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Brazil''
* ''Boss Croc'' ✓
* ''Bumblebees (youtube)
* ''Born In Africa'' ✓
* ''Baboon Queen'' 
* ''Birth of A Pride'' ✓
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' ✓ 
* ''Behind Russia's Frozen Curtain'' ✓
* ''Built for the Kill'' (Tv Series) (2001–2004)
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Cub Camp'' ✓
* ''Cobra Mafia'' ✓
* ''Chimp School''
* ''Cat Attack-tics'' ✓
* ''Croc Labyrinth'' 
* ''China's Wild Side''
* ''Cheetah Fatal Intints&quot;
* ''Clash of The Tigers'' (abc.com)
* ''Cat Wars: Lions Vs Cheetah'' (look up again)     
* ''Caribbean's Deadly Underworld'' 
* ''Caught in the Act'' (Tv Series) 2013-2022
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}   
* ''Dino Fish'' (look up again)
* ''Deadly Game''                                                                    
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Deadly Instincts'' 
* ''Deep Sea Killers'' ✓
* ''Dr. Oakley, Yukon Vet'' (Tv Series) 2014–2023
* ''Dr. K's Exotic Animal ER'' (Tv Series) 2014-2023
* ''Dr. Jeff: Rocky Mountain Vet'' (Tv Series) 2015-2022
* ''Dog Whisperer with Cesar Millan'' (Tv Series) 2004-2016
* ''Dangerous Encounters with Brady Barr'' (Tv Series) 2005–2012
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Extraordinary Birder with Christian Cooper'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Future Cat'' ✓
* ''Florida Untamed'' ✓
* ''Fur Seals: Battle For Survival'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Game of Lions'' ✓
* ''Grizzly Cauldron'' ✓  
* ''Gangster Jackals''
* ''Great Barrier Reef'' (ww5.tinyzone.org)
* ''Giraffe: African Giant'' ✓
* ''Galapagos: Enchanted Islands'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hippo Vs Croc'' ✓ 
* ''Hunt for The Giant Squid'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Okavango'' ✓ 
* ''Into The Pride Lands'' ✓
* ''India's Wild Leopards'' ✓ 
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Waterways''✓
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Jaguar vs Croc'' ✓
* ''Jaguar Journals (movies113.com)
* ''Jade Eyed Leopard'' ✓
* ''Jaguar Beach Battle'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Shew'' ✓
* ''Kiler Queen'' ✓
* ''Kingdom of The White Wolf'' ✓
* ''Kingdom Of The Polar Bears'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Little Killers''
* ''Lemur Island'' 
* ''Lion Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Lion Ganglands'' ✓
* ''Lion Battle Zone'' ✓
* ''Leopard Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Leopard Huntress'' ✓
* ''Land of 10,000 Grizzlies'' 
* ''Leopard: Ultimate Survivor'' (Look up)
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man Vs Lion'' ✓
* ''Man vs Monster''
* ''Mexico Untamed'' ✓
* ''Man vs Cheetah'' ✓
* ''Moster Croc Hunt'' ✓
* ''Mystery of the giant Cave Spider'' (saved/non english)
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Night on Earth'' (1movie.bz)
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Town'' (Saved &quot;No English&quot;)
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Penguinpalooza''
* ''Paradise Islands'' ✓
* ''Praire Dog Manor'' ✓
* ''Path of The Pather'' ✓
* ''Planet of the Birds'' ✓
* ''Predator In Paradise'' 
* ''Peru's Wild Kingdom'' (saved)
* ''Pristine Seas: The Power of Protection ✓
* ''Puma!: Elusive Hunter of the Andes'' (look up again)
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rebal Monkeys''
* ''Real Angry Birds''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Super Cat'' ✓
* ''South Africa'' (look up)?
* ''Super Squirrel''
* ''Surpet's Surprise'' ✓
* ''Strangest Bird Alive''  
* ''Secret Life of Pearls''  
* ''Secret Life of Tigers''
* ''Secrets of Wild India'' (streamm4u.com.co, 
* ''Secrets of the King Cobra'' ✓
* ''Snake City'' (Tv Series) 2014–2019
* ''Saving Giraffes: The Long Journey Home'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile'' 
* ''Tiger Wars'' ✓
* ''The Jungle King'' 
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''Tree Climbing Lions ✓
* ''The Forbidden River''
* ''The Unlikely Leopard'' ✓
* ''The Way of the Cheetah'' ✓
* ''The Great Elephant Walk''
* ''The Incredible Dr. Pol'' (Tv Series) 2011–2024
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas'' (fangdango at home=  {pay}
* ''Ultimate Honey Badger'' 
* ''Ultimate Rivals: Cats vs Dogs'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild 24'' (saved) 
* ''Wild Artic'✓' (abc.com) (nationalgeographic.com)
* ''Wild Chile''  nationalgeographic.com
* ''Wild Egypt'' ✓
* ''Wild Korea'' ✓
* ''Wild Hawaii'' ✓
* ''Wild Russia'' ✓
* ''Wild Nordic'' ✓
* ''Wild Borneo''
* ''Wild Vietnam''  ✓
* ''Wild Monsoon'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''Wild Thailand'' (saved)
* ''War Elephants'' 
* ''Wild Indonesia'' ✓
* ''Wild Sir Lanka'' ✓
* ''Wild Argentina'' (moviemoza.com) (pluto tv?), (ihavenotv.com)
* ''Wild Mississippi'' (has episodes)
* ''War of The Lions'' 
* ''Wild Yellowstone'' ✓
* ''Wild New Zealand'' 
* ''Wild Cats Of India'' ✓
* ''Whales of the Deep''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Yellowstone Wolves: Succession ✓
{{Col-end}}

===Numbers===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''20 years with Dolphins''
{{Col-end}}

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

'''National Geographic Animal Programming'''

'''&lt;big&gt;Current Programming&lt;/big&gt;'''

Incredible Northern Vets: 2024-

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Real Bug's Life'' ✓
* ''A Real Bug's Life II'' ✓
* ''America's National Parks'' ✓
* ''Animal's They're Just Like US!'' ✓
* ''Animals up close with Bertie Gregory'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Bumblebees ✓
* ''Bear Island&quot;
* ''Born in Africa'' 
* ''Battle For Elephants''
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' 
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Chimps on The Edge
* ''Cheetahs Up Close with Berite Gregory ✓
* ''Ceaser Millian: The Dog Whisper'' (Tv Series) 2004-2012
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Dolphins Up Close with Bertie Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Eye of The Leopard ✓
* ''Expedition Great White'' (paramount+)
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ghost Elephants ✓
* ''Great Migration's'' ✓
* ''Gabon:The Last Eden''
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride (movies228.com)
* ''Into The Pride Lands ✓
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kangaroo Kaos
* ''Kingdom of The Polar Bear'' ✓
* ''Kingdom of The White Wolf'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant''✓
* ''Last of The Giants: Wild Fish'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Meet The Chimps''✓
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''National Parks: USA'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Path of The Panther'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===Q===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Queens'' ✓
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''She Wolf'' ✓
* ''Squid vs Whale''
* ''Savage Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Secrets of The Bees ✓
* ''Secrets of The Whales'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Penguins'' ✓
* ''Secrets of The Elephants'' ✓
* ''Shark Movers Deadly Cargo'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Flood'' ✓
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''The Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓
* ''The Last Rhinos: A New Hope ✓
* ''The Hidden Kingdoms of China'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas''
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wildlife: The Big Freeze''
* ''Wildlife: Resurrection Island''
* ''Wolves: A Legend Return to Yellowstone''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty''
{{Col-end}}

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''BBC America/BBC Earth Programming'''

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Asia'' ✓
* ''Africa'' ✓
* ''Asia: Bonus Edition  
* ''A Perfect Planet'' (1movies.bz)
* ''Africa's Wild Year'' ✓
* ''A Wild Year On Earth'' ✓
* ''Attenborough and the Giant Elephant'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Blue Planet'' ✓
* ''Blue Planet II'' ✓
* ''Big Cats 24/7'' ✓
* ''Big Bear Diary'' ✓
* ''Big Little Journeys''
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dynasties'' (1movies.bz) *David Attenborough* 
* ''Deep Blue'' (viral2day.me, ww5.tinyzone.org,streamm4u.com.co,publicflix.org,123movies9.fun )
* ''Dynasties II'' (Daily Motion?)
* ''Dogs In The Wild: Meet The Family'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''David Attenborough: A Life on our Planet'' ✓
* ''David Attenborough: Life In Cold Blood (movies113.com, 
* ''David Attenborough:  Conquest of the Skies (azmovies.net)
* ''Deep Ocean: The Lost World Of The Pacific'' (Saved)
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''China: Nature Ancient Kingdom'' (flixhq)
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Earth Flight'' ihavenotv?, hdtodayz.to, azmovies.net
* ''Expedition Wolf'' (check)
* ''Enchanted Kingdom'' (Idris Elba) *viral2day.me*
* ''Earth's Great River's'' (ihavenotv)
* ''Earth's Great Seasons'' ✓
* ''Earth's Great River's II'' (ihavenotv?)
* ''Earth Tropical Islands'' (ihavenotv?)
* ''Eden: Untamed Planet'' (flixhq) Or (ihavenotv)
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Frozen Planet'' ✓
* ''Frozen Planet II'' (1moviesz.to)
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Galapagos'' hdtodayz.to, 123cine.to, moviemoza.com, 
* ''Great Barrier Reef'' flixhq, azmovies.net, 
* ''Gorilla Family and Me''
* ''Grizzy Bear Cubs and Me (movies228.com)
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
* ''Hidden Habitats'' (hdtodayz.to)
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Japan: Earth's Enchanted Islands'' (azmovies.net)
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kingdom (1moviesz.to)
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Life'' ✓
* ''Life Story'' hdtodayz.to/azmovies.net
* ''Life In Color'' ✓
* ''Little Big Cat''
* ''Life in Cold Blood'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''London's Wild Side'' 
* ''Lands Of The Monsoon''
* ''Lions: Spy In The Den''
* ''Life In The Undergrowth'' azmovies.net, 
* ''Lost land of The Tiger'' (ihavenotv.com)
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Mammals'' (flix hq?) (ihavenotv)
* ''Mirco Monsters''ihavenotv,azmovies.net
* ''Madagascar'' (David Attenborugh) *hdtodayz.to*
* ''Mountains: Life Above the Clouds''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Nature's Great Events'' (Flix HQ)?
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''One Life'' (documentaryarea.com)
* ''Our Planet'' (flixq?) (ihavenotv.com) (Netflix on YouTube?)
* ''Ocean Giants'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''Our Planet II'' ✓
* ''Our Living World'' (Netlix on Youtube?)
* ''Operation Snow Tiger''
* ''Operation Dung Beetle''
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Planet Earth'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth II'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth III'' flixhq, ww5.tinyzone.org
* ''Planet Earth: Asia'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Africa''
* ''Planet Earth: Dynasties'' 
* ''Polar Bear: Spy On The Ice'' 
* ''Penguins: Spy In The Huddle (movies24free.com,moviemoza.com)
* ''Planet Earth: South Pacific'' (o123movies)
* ''Planet Earth: The Blue Planet II'' (flixhq?)
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Reindeer Family and Me''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Shark'' (azmovies.net)
* ''Serengeti'' ✓
* ''Serengeti II''
* ''Serengeti III'' ✓
* ''Spy In The Den''
* ''Spy In The Ocean (www.azmovies.net, moviemoza.com)
* ''Spy In The Wild'' ✓
* ''Snow Chick: A Penguin's Tale''
* ''South Pacific'' (has episodes) *flix hq?*,  azmovies.net
* ''Seven Worlds, One Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Hunt'' ✓
* ''Tiny Giants''
* ''The Wild Place'' 
* ''The Wild Sides'' ✓
* ''The Blue Planet'' (hdtodayz.to) (123cine.to) (movies113.com)
* ''Tropical Islands'' (ihavenotv.com? check)
* ''The Mating Game'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''The Cheetah Family &amp; Me ''
* ''The Great Bear Steak Out''
* ''The Polar Bear Family &amp; Me'' (1movies.bz, 123cine.to, moviemoza.com )
* ''The Great Rift: Africa's Wild Hart''
* ''Tiger Spy In The Jungle'' (David Attenbourgh) topdocumentarys.com, azmovies.net
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild West'' ✓
* ''Wild Spring
* ''Wild China'' (Roku) (flixhq.to)
* ''Wild Japan'' (look up)
* ''Wild Alaska''
* ''Wild Isles'' (flixhq.to)
* ''Wild Tokyo'' 
* ''Wild Arabia'' ✓
* ''Wild Brazil'' (movies24free.com)
* ''Wild Nordic (moviemoza.com)
* ''Wild Singapore ''
* ''Wild Indonesia''
* ''Wild Patagonia'' ✓
* ''Wild Caribbean'' (pluto tv?)
* ''Wild Yellowstone''
* ''Wild New Zealand ''
* ''Wild City: Singapore ''
* ''Wild Lands: South Africa'' 
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone'' (flixhq.to), (movies228.com)
{{Col-end}}
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

'''Animal Planet Current Programing'''
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Puppy Bowl'' (Tv Series) 2005-Present 
* ''Pets and Pickers'' (Tv Series) 2022-Present
* ''Yellowstone Wardens'' (Tv Series) 2023-Present
* ''Wardens Of The North'' (Tv Series) 2023-Presnet
{{Col-end}}

'''Animal Planet Former Programing'''

===A===  
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Panda is Born''
* ''A Panda's Story''
* ''Animal Battlegrounds'' ✓
* ''Animal X'' (Tv Series) 1997–2002
* ''Animal Miracles'' (Tv Series) 2001–2003
* ''Animal Precinct'' (Tv Series) 2001–2008
* ''Animal Cops: Detroit'' (Tv Series) 2003–2010
* ''Animal Cops: Houston'' (Tv Series) 2003–2015
* ''Animal Cops: Phoenix'' (Tv Series) 2007–2009
* ''Animal Planet Zooventure'' (Tv Series) 1997–2000
* ''Austin Stevens: Snakemaster'' (Tv Series) 2004–2009
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Big Cat Tales'' ✓
* '' Big, Small &amp; Deadly''
* '' Big Cats: Secret Lives''
* '' Britain's Wildest Places'' ✓
* '' Battle Ground: Rhino Wars'' 
* '' Bad Dog'' (Tv Series) 2011-2016
* '' Big Cat Dairy'' (Tv Series) 1996-2005
* '' Breed All About It'' (Tv Series) 1997-2001
* '' Big Cat Tales: More From The Mara Region''
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Cats 101'' (Tv Series) 2008-2012
* ''Croc Files'' (Tv Series) 1999-2005
* ''Call Of The Wild Man'' (Tv Series) 2011-2014
* ''Crickey It's The Irwin's'' (Tv Show) 2018-2022
* ''Confessions: Animal Hording'' (Tv Series) 2010-2014
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dolphin Days'' ✓
* ''Dogs: The Untold Story''
* ''Dark Days In Monkey City''
* ''Dogs 101'' (Tv Series) 2008-2011
* ''Dr. Jeff: Rocky Mountain Vet'' (Tv Series) 2015-2022
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Escape To Chimp Eden'' 
* ''Emergency Vets'' (Tv Series) 1998-2008
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Going Ape'' ✓
* ''Gorilla School'' ✓
* ''Gator Boys'' (Tv Series) 2012-2017
* ''Gorillas on the Brink: Saving a Species''
* ''Growing up Animal Series: ''
* ''- Grizzly''
* ''- Lion''
* ''- Tiger ''
* ''- Cheetah ''
* ''- Marsupia''
* ''- Elephant''
* ''- Wolf''
* ''- Clouded Leopard''
* ''- Zebra''
* ''- Baboon''
* ''- Black Bear''
* ''- Orangutan''
* ''- Rhino''
* ''- Lynx''
* ''- Polar Bear''
* ''- Penguin''
* ''- Giraffe''
* ''- Walrus''
* ''- Hyena''
* ''- Camel''
* ''- Moose''
* ''- Leopard''
* ''- Sitka Deer''
* ''- Gorilla''
* ''- Giant Panda''
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride ''
* ''Into The Lions Den''
* ''I Was Prey'' (Tv Series) 2017-2019
* ''It's Me or The Dog'' (Tv Series) 2007-2012
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Jane Goodall's When Animals Talk''
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Whales: The Mega Hunt'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giants'' ✓
* ''Lemur Kingdom''
* ''League of Monkey's''
* ''Living With Man-Eaters'' ✓
* ''Lone Star Law'' (Tv Series) 2016-2022 
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man vs Bear'' ✓
* ''Meerkat Manor (www.azmovies.net)
* ''Mounted Branch'' ✓
* ''Man-Eating Super Croc''
* ''Man-Eating Super Squid''
* ''Mysterious Wild Of India'' 
* ''Meerkat Manor'' (Tv Series) 2005-2008 
* ''My Cat From Hell'' (Tv Series) 2011-2020
* ''Monsters Inside Me'' (Tv Series) 2009-2017
* ''Mysterious Creatures With Forrest Galante'' ✓
* ''Meet the Pandas: Washington's New Power Couple''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Night'' (Discovery+)
* ''North Woods Laws'' (Tv Series) 2012-2021
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Orangutan Island''
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Project Grizzly'' ✓
* ''Pandamonium'' ✓
* ''Panda Republic'' ✓
* ''Pet Star'' (Tv Series) 2002-2005
* ''Pit Boss'' (Tv Series) 2010-2013
* ''Pitbulls &amp; Parolees'' (Tv Series) 2009-2022
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rise of The Warrior Apes''
* ''Romeo &amp; Juliet: A Monkey's Tale''
* ''River Monsters'' (Tv Series) 2009-2017
* ''Rattle Snake Republic'' (Tv Series) 2012-2014
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Survival of the Beast''
* ''Season of The Grizzly''
* ''Saving Grace: The Otter'' ✓
* ''Safari: An Extraordinary Adventure''
* ''Swamp Wars'' (Tv Series) 2011-2013
* ''Saving The Gorillas: Ellen's Next Adventure'' ✓
* ''Austin Stevens: Snakemaster'' (Tv Series) 2004−2009
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile''
* ''The Pack'' ✓
* ''Tucan Nation''
* ''The Real Lion Queen'' (saved)
* ''The Beauty of Snakes'' 
* ''The Great Shark Chase'' 
* ''Tanked'' (Tv Series) 2011-2018
* ''The Zoo'' (Tv Series) 2017-2021
* ''Too Cute'' (Tv Series) 2011-2017
* ''The Vet Life'' (Tv Series) 2016-2020
* ''The Aquarium'' (Tv Series) 2020-2021
* ''The Most Extreme'' (Tv Series) 2002-2006
* ''The Zoo: San Deigo'' (Tv Series) 2019-2022
* ''The Crocodile Hunter'' (Tv Series) 1997-2004
* ''The Magic Of The Big Blue: Seven Continents'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''The Secret Life Of The Zoo'' (Tv Series) 2016-2020
* ''The Jeff Corwin Experience'' (Tv Series) 2001-2003
* ''The Planets Funniest Animals'' (Tv Series) 1990-2008
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed &amp; Uncut'' (Tv Series) 2008-2010
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Deep''
* ''Wild Costa Rica''
* ''Wild New Zealand''
* ''Wolves and Warriors'' ✓
* ''Walking With Elephants'' ✓
* ''Wild Africa: Rivers Of Life'' 
* ''Wildest Islands of Indonesia&quot; azmovies.net
* ''Whale Wars'' (Tv Series) 2008-2015
* ''Weird, True &amp; Freaky'' (Tv Series) 2008-2012
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Journals''
{{Col-end}}

===Z===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Zolton: The Wolfman'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________</text>
      <sha1>em0m0i350sdujyfvwqaaqpawwyw48pt</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3942366</id>
      <parentid>3942320</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-05-18T14:34:02Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Sandi74645</username>
        <id>3160827</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor />
      <comment>/* S */</comment>
      <origin>3942366</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="19908" sha1="azlk93ldo8v92x3abzk12pgx4rnqlxp" xml:space="preserve">'''&lt;big&gt;Current Programming&lt;/big&gt;'''
* ''Vet Detective&quot; (2026-Present)
* ''Wildlife ER'' (2023-Present) 
* ''Incredible Northern Vets'' (2025-Present)
* ''Secrets of The Zoo: Down Under''(2020-Present)


'''&lt;big&gt;Former Programming&lt;/big&gt;''' 
===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}                              
* ''A Penguin's Life'' ✓ 
* ''Africa's Hunters'' ✓  
* ''Africa's Wild West'' ✓
* ''Amazon Underworld'' ✓
* ''America the Beautiful'' ✓
* ''America's Wild Frontier'' 
* ''Alaska's Grizzly Gauntlet'' ✓ 
* ''Animals, They're Just Like Us!'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Brazil''
* ''Boss Croc'' ✓
* ''Bumblebees (youtube)
* ''Born In Africa'' ✓
* ''Baboon Queen'' 
* ''Birth of A Pride'' ✓
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' ✓ 
* ''Behind Russia's Frozen Curtain'' ✓
* ''Built for the Kill'' (Tv Series) (2001–2004)
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Cub Camp'' ✓
* ''Cobra Mafia'' ✓
* ''Chimp School''
* ''Cat Attack-tics'' ✓
* ''Croc Labyrinth'' 
* ''China's Wild Side''
* ''Cheetah Fatal Intints&quot;
* ''Clash of The Tigers'' (abc.com)
* ''Cat Wars: Lions Vs Cheetah'' (look up again)     
* ''Caribbean's Deadly Underworld'' 
* ''Caught in the Act'' (Tv Series) 2013-2022
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}   
* ''Dino Fish'' (look up again)
* ''Deadly Game''                                                                    
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Deadly Instincts'' 
* ''Deep Sea Killers'' ✓
* ''Dr. Oakley, Yukon Vet'' (Tv Series) 2014–2023
* ''Dr. K's Exotic Animal ER'' (Tv Series) 2014-2023
* ''Dr. Jeff: Rocky Mountain Vet'' (Tv Series) 2015-2022
* ''Dog Whisperer with Cesar Millan'' (Tv Series) 2004-2016
* ''Dangerous Encounters with Brady Barr'' (Tv Series) 2005–2012
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Extraordinary Birder with Christian Cooper'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Future Cat'' ✓
* ''Florida Untamed'' ✓
* ''Fur Seals: Battle For Survival'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Game of Lions'' ✓
* ''Grizzly Cauldron'' ✓  
* ''Gangster Jackals''
* ''Great Barrier Reef'' (ww5.tinyzone.org)
* ''Giraffe: African Giant'' ✓
* ''Galapagos: Enchanted Islands'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hippo Vs Croc'' ✓ 
* ''Hunt for The Giant Squid'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Okavango'' ✓ 
* ''Into The Pride Lands'' ✓
* ''India's Wild Leopards'' ✓ 
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Waterways''✓
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Jaguar vs Croc'' ✓
* ''Jaguar Journals (movies113.com)
* ''Jade Eyed Leopard'' ✓
* ''Jaguar Beach Battle'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Shew'' ✓
* ''Kiler Queen'' ✓
* ''Kingdom of The White Wolf'' ✓
* ''Kingdom Of The Polar Bears'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Little Killers''
* ''Lemur Island'' 
* ''Lion Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Lion Ganglands'' ✓
* ''Lion Battle Zone'' ✓
* ''Leopard Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Leopard Huntress'' ✓
* ''Land of 10,000 Grizzlies'' 
* ''Leopard: Ultimate Survivor'' (Look up)
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man Vs Lion'' ✓
* ''Man vs Monster''
* ''Mexico Untamed'' ✓
* ''Man vs Cheetah'' ✓
* ''Moster Croc Hunt'' ✓
* ''Mystery of the giant Cave Spider'' (saved/non english)
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Night on Earth'' (1movie.bz)
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Town'' (Saved &quot;No English&quot;)
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Penguinpalooza''
* ''Paradise Islands'' ✓
* ''Praire Dog Manor'' ✓
* ''Path of The Pather'' ✓
* ''Planet of the Birds'' ✓
* ''Predator In Paradise'' 
* ''Peru's Wild Kingdom'' (saved)
* ''Pristine Seas: The Power of Protection ✓
* ''Puma!: Elusive Hunter of the Andes'' (look up again)
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rebal Monkeys''
* ''Real Angry Birds''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Super Cat'' ✓
* ''South Africa'' (look up)?
* ''Super Squirrel''
* ''Surpet's Surprise'' ✓
* ''Strangest Bird Alive''  
* ''Secret Life of Pearls''  
* ''Secret Life of Tigers''
* ''Secrets of Wild India'' (streamm4u.com.co, 
* ''Secrets of the King Cobra'' ✓
* ''Snake City'' (Tv Series) 2014–2019
* ''Saving Giraffes: The Long Journey Home'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile'' 
* ''Tiger Wars'' ✓
* ''The Jungle King'' 
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''Tree Climbing Lions ✓
* ''The Forbidden River''
* ''The Unlikely Leopard'' ✓
* ''The Way of the Cheetah'' ✓
* ''The Great Elephant Walk''
* ''The Incredible Dr. Pol'' (Tv Series) 2011–2024
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas'' (fangdango at home=  {pay}
* ''Ultimate Honey Badger'' 
* ''Ultimate Rivals: Cats vs Dogs'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild 24'' (saved) 
* ''Wild Artic'✓' (abc.com) (nationalgeographic.com)
* ''Wild Chile''  nationalgeographic.com
* ''Wild Egypt'' ✓
* ''Wild Korea'' ✓
* ''Wild Hawaii'' ✓
* ''Wild Russia'' ✓
* ''Wild Nordic'' ✓
* ''Wild Borneo''
* ''Wild Vietnam''  ✓
* ''Wild Monsoon'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''Wild Thailand'' (saved)
* ''War Elephants'' 
* ''Wild Indonesia'' ✓
* ''Wild Sir Lanka'' ✓
* ''Wild Argentina'' (moviemoza.com) (pluto tv?), (ihavenotv.com)
* ''Wild Mississippi'' (has episodes)
* ''War of The Lions'' 
* ''Wild Yellowstone'' ✓
* ''Wild New Zealand'' 
* ''Wild Cats Of India'' ✓
* ''Whales of the Deep''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Yellowstone Wolves: Succession ✓
{{Col-end}}

===Numbers===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''20 years with Dolphins''
{{Col-end}}

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

'''National Geographic Animal Programming'''

'''&lt;big&gt;Current Programming&lt;/big&gt;'''

Incredible Northern Vets: 2024-

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Real Bug's Life'' ✓
* ''A Real Bug's Life II'' ✓
* ''America's National Parks'' ✓
* ''Animal's They're Just Like US!'' ✓
* ''Animals up close with Bertie Gregory'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Bumblebees ✓
* ''Bear Island&quot;
* ''Born in Africa'' 
* ''Battle For Elephants''
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' 
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Chimps on The Edge
* ''Cheetahs Up Close with Berite Gregory ✓
* ''Ceaser Millian: The Dog Whisper'' (Tv Series) 2004-2012
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Dolphins Up Close with Bertie Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Eye of The Leopard ✓
* ''Expedition Great White'' (paramount+)
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ghost Elephants ✓
* ''Great Migration's'' ✓
* ''Gabon:The Last Eden''
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride (movies228.com)
* ''Into The Pride Lands ✓
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kangaroo Kaos
* ''Kingdom of The Polar Bear'' ✓
* ''Kingdom of The White Wolf'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant''✓
* ''Last of The Giants: Wild Fish'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Meet The Chimps''✓
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''National Parks: USA'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Path of The Panther'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===Q===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Queens'' ✓
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''She Wolf'' ✓
* ''Squid vs Whale''
* ''Savage Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Secrets of The Bees ✓
* ''Secrets of The Whales'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Penguins'' ✓
* ''Secrets of The Elephants'' ✓
* ''Shark Movers Deadly Cargo'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Flood'' ✓
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''The Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓
* ''The Last Rhinos: A New Hope ✓
* ''The Hidden Kingdoms of China'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas''
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wildlife: The Big Freeze''
* ''Wildlife: Resurrection Island''
* ''Wolves: A Legend Return to Yellowstone''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty''
{{Col-end}}

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''BBC America/BBC Earth Programming'''

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Asia'' ✓
* ''Africa'' ✓
* ''Asia: Bonus Edition  
* ''A Perfect Planet'' (1movies.bz)
* ''Africa's Wild Year'' ✓
* ''A Wild Year On Earth'' ✓
* ''Attenborough and the Giant Elephant'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Blue Planet'' ✓
* ''Blue Planet II'' ✓
* ''Big Cats 24/7'' ✓
* ''Big Bear Diary'' ✓
* ''Big Little Journeys''
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dynasties'' (1movies.bz) *David Attenborough* 
* ''Deep Blue'' (viral2day.me, ww5.tinyzone.org,streamm4u.com.co,publicflix.org,123movies9.fun )
* ''Dynasties II'' (Daily Motion?)
* ''Dogs In The Wild: Meet The Family'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''David Attenborough: A Life on our Planet'' ✓
* ''David Attenborough: Life In Cold Blood (movies113.com, 
* ''David Attenborough:  Conquest of the Skies (azmovies.net)
* ''Deep Ocean: The Lost World Of The Pacific'' (Saved)
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''China: Nature Ancient Kingdom'' (flixhq)
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Earth Flight'' ihavenotv?, hdtodayz.to, azmovies.net
* ''Expedition Wolf'' (check)
* ''Enchanted Kingdom'' (Idris Elba) *viral2day.me*
* ''Earth's Great River's'' (ihavenotv)
* ''Earth's Great Seasons'' ✓
* ''Earth's Great River's II'' (ihavenotv?)
* ''Earth Tropical Islands'' (ihavenotv?)
* ''Eden: Untamed Planet'' (flixhq) Or (ihavenotv)
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Frozen Planet'' ✓
* ''Frozen Planet II'' (1moviesz.to)
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Galapagos'' hdtodayz.to, 123cine.to, moviemoza.com, 
* ''Great Barrier Reef'' flixhq, azmovies.net, 
* ''Gorilla Family and Me''
* ''Grizzy Bear Cubs and Me (movies228.com)
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
* ''Hidden Habitats'' (hdtodayz.to)
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Japan: Earth's Enchanted Islands'' (azmovies.net)
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kingdom (1moviesz.to)
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Life'' ✓
* ''Life Story'' hdtodayz.to/azmovies.net
* ''Life In Color'' ✓
* ''Little Big Cat''
* ''Life in Cold Blood'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''London's Wild Side'' 
* ''Lands Of The Monsoon''
* ''Lions: Spy In The Den''
* ''Life In The Undergrowth'' azmovies.net, 
* ''Lost land of The Tiger'' (ihavenotv.com)
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Mammals'' (flix hq?) (ihavenotv)
* ''Mirco Monsters''ihavenotv,azmovies.net
* ''Madagascar'' (David Attenborugh) *hdtodayz.to*
* ''Mountains: Life Above the Clouds''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Nature's Great Events'' (Flix HQ)?
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''One Life'' (documentaryarea.com)
* ''Our Planet'' (flixq?) (ihavenotv.com) (Netflix on YouTube?)
* ''Ocean Giants'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''Our Planet II'' ✓
* ''Our Living World'' (Netlix on Youtube?)
* ''Operation Snow Tiger''
* ''Operation Dung Beetle''
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Planet Earth'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth II'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth III'' flixhq, ww5.tinyzone.org
* ''Planet Earth: Asia'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Africa''
* ''Planet Earth: Dynasties'' 
* ''Polar Bear: Spy On The Ice'' 
* ''Penguins: Spy In The Huddle (movies24free.com,moviemoza.com)
* ''Planet Earth: South Pacific'' (o123movies)
* ''Planet Earth: The Blue Planet II'' (flixhq?)
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Reindeer Family and Me''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Shark'' (azmovies.net)
* ''Serengeti'' ✓
* ''Serengeti II''
* ''Serengeti III'' ✓
* ''Spy In The Den''
* ''Spy In The Ocean (www.azmovies.net, moviemoza.com, movies24free.com )
* ''Spy In The Wild'' ✓
* ''Snow Chick: A Penguin's Tale''
* ''South Pacific'' (has episodes) *flix hq?*,  azmovies.net
* ''Seven Worlds, One Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Hunt'' ✓
* ''Tiny Giants''
* ''The Wild Place'' 
* ''The Wild Sides'' ✓
* ''The Blue Planet'' (hdtodayz.to) (123cine.to) (movies113.com)
* ''Tropical Islands'' (ihavenotv.com? check)
* ''The Mating Game'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''The Cheetah Family &amp; Me ''
* ''The Great Bear Steak Out''
* ''The Polar Bear Family &amp; Me'' (1movies.bz, 123cine.to, moviemoza.com )
* ''The Great Rift: Africa's Wild Hart''
* ''Tiger Spy In The Jungle'' (David Attenbourgh) topdocumentarys.com, azmovies.net
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild West'' ✓
* ''Wild Spring
* ''Wild China'' (Roku) (flixhq.to)
* ''Wild Japan'' (look up)
* ''Wild Alaska''
* ''Wild Isles'' (flixhq.to)
* ''Wild Tokyo'' 
* ''Wild Arabia'' ✓
* ''Wild Brazil'' (movies24free.com)
* ''Wild Nordic (moviemoza.com)
* ''Wild Singapore ''
* ''Wild Indonesia''
* ''Wild Patagonia'' ✓
* ''Wild Caribbean'' (pluto tv?)
* ''Wild Yellowstone''
* ''Wild New Zealand ''
* ''Wild City: Singapore ''
* ''Wild Lands: South Africa'' 
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone'' (flixhq.to), (movies228.com)
{{Col-end}}
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

'''Animal Planet Current Programing'''
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Puppy Bowl'' (Tv Series) 2005-Present 
* ''Pets and Pickers'' (Tv Series) 2022-Present
* ''Yellowstone Wardens'' (Tv Series) 2023-Present
* ''Wardens Of The North'' (Tv Series) 2023-Presnet
{{Col-end}}

'''Animal Planet Former Programing'''

===A===  
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Panda is Born''
* ''A Panda's Story''
* ''Animal Battlegrounds'' ✓
* ''Animal X'' (Tv Series) 1997–2002
* ''Animal Miracles'' (Tv Series) 2001–2003
* ''Animal Precinct'' (Tv Series) 2001–2008
* ''Animal Cops: Detroit'' (Tv Series) 2003–2010
* ''Animal Cops: Houston'' (Tv Series) 2003–2015
* ''Animal Cops: Phoenix'' (Tv Series) 2007–2009
* ''Animal Planet Zooventure'' (Tv Series) 1997–2000
* ''Austin Stevens: Snakemaster'' (Tv Series) 2004–2009
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Big Cat Tales'' ✓
* '' Big, Small &amp; Deadly''
* '' Big Cats: Secret Lives''
* '' Britain's Wildest Places'' ✓
* '' Battle Ground: Rhino Wars'' 
* '' Bad Dog'' (Tv Series) 2011-2016
* '' Big Cat Dairy'' (Tv Series) 1996-2005
* '' Breed All About It'' (Tv Series) 1997-2001
* '' Big Cat Tales: More From The Mara Region''
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Cats 101'' (Tv Series) 2008-2012
* ''Croc Files'' (Tv Series) 1999-2005
* ''Call Of The Wild Man'' (Tv Series) 2011-2014
* ''Crickey It's The Irwin's'' (Tv Show) 2018-2022
* ''Confessions: Animal Hording'' (Tv Series) 2010-2014
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dolphin Days'' ✓
* ''Dogs: The Untold Story''
* ''Dark Days In Monkey City''
* ''Dogs 101'' (Tv Series) 2008-2011
* ''Dr. Jeff: Rocky Mountain Vet'' (Tv Series) 2015-2022
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Escape To Chimp Eden'' 
* ''Emergency Vets'' (Tv Series) 1998-2008
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Going Ape'' ✓
* ''Gorilla School'' ✓
* ''Gator Boys'' (Tv Series) 2012-2017
* ''Gorillas on the Brink: Saving a Species''
* ''Growing up Animal Series: ''
* ''- Grizzly''
* ''- Lion''
* ''- Tiger ''
* ''- Cheetah ''
* ''- Marsupia''
* ''- Elephant''
* ''- Wolf''
* ''- Clouded Leopard''
* ''- Zebra''
* ''- Baboon''
* ''- Black Bear''
* ''- Orangutan''
* ''- Rhino''
* ''- Lynx''
* ''- Polar Bear''
* ''- Penguin''
* ''- Giraffe''
* ''- Walrus''
* ''- Hyena''
* ''- Camel''
* ''- Moose''
* ''- Leopard''
* ''- Sitka Deer''
* ''- Gorilla''
* ''- Giant Panda''
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride ''
* ''Into The Lions Den''
* ''I Was Prey'' (Tv Series) 2017-2019
* ''It's Me or The Dog'' (Tv Series) 2007-2012
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Jane Goodall's When Animals Talk''
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Whales: The Mega Hunt'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giants'' ✓
* ''Lemur Kingdom''
* ''League of Monkey's''
* ''Living With Man-Eaters'' ✓
* ''Lone Star Law'' (Tv Series) 2016-2022 
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man vs Bear'' ✓
* ''Meerkat Manor (www.azmovies.net)
* ''Mounted Branch'' ✓
* ''Man-Eating Super Croc''
* ''Man-Eating Super Squid''
* ''Mysterious Wild Of India'' 
* ''Meerkat Manor'' (Tv Series) 2005-2008 
* ''My Cat From Hell'' (Tv Series) 2011-2020
* ''Monsters Inside Me'' (Tv Series) 2009-2017
* ''Mysterious Creatures With Forrest Galante'' ✓
* ''Meet the Pandas: Washington's New Power Couple''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Night'' (Discovery+)
* ''North Woods Laws'' (Tv Series) 2012-2021
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Orangutan Island''
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Project Grizzly'' ✓
* ''Pandamonium'' ✓
* ''Panda Republic'' ✓
* ''Pet Star'' (Tv Series) 2002-2005
* ''Pit Boss'' (Tv Series) 2010-2013
* ''Pitbulls &amp; Parolees'' (Tv Series) 2009-2022
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rise of The Warrior Apes''
* ''Romeo &amp; Juliet: A Monkey's Tale''
* ''River Monsters'' (Tv Series) 2009-2017
* ''Rattle Snake Republic'' (Tv Series) 2012-2014
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Survival of the Beast''
* ''Season of The Grizzly''
* ''Saving Grace: The Otter'' ✓
* ''Safari: An Extraordinary Adventure''
* ''Swamp Wars'' (Tv Series) 2011-2013
* ''Saving The Gorillas: Ellen's Next Adventure'' ✓
* ''Austin Stevens: Snakemaster'' (Tv Series) 2004−2009
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile''
* ''The Pack'' ✓
* ''Tucan Nation''
* ''The Real Lion Queen'' (saved)
* ''The Beauty of Snakes'' 
* ''The Great Shark Chase'' 
* ''Tanked'' (Tv Series) 2011-2018
* ''The Zoo'' (Tv Series) 2017-2021
* ''Too Cute'' (Tv Series) 2011-2017
* ''The Vet Life'' (Tv Series) 2016-2020
* ''The Aquarium'' (Tv Series) 2020-2021
* ''The Most Extreme'' (Tv Series) 2002-2006
* ''The Zoo: San Deigo'' (Tv Series) 2019-2022
* ''The Crocodile Hunter'' (Tv Series) 1997-2004
* ''The Magic Of The Big Blue: Seven Continents'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''The Secret Life Of The Zoo'' (Tv Series) 2016-2020
* ''The Jeff Corwin Experience'' (Tv Series) 2001-2003
* ''The Planets Funniest Animals'' (Tv Series) 1990-2008
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed &amp; Uncut'' (Tv Series) 2008-2010
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Deep''
* ''Wild Costa Rica''
* ''Wild New Zealand''
* ''Wolves and Warriors'' ✓
* ''Walking With Elephants'' ✓
* ''Wild Africa: Rivers Of Life'' 
* ''Wildest Islands of Indonesia&quot; azmovies.net
* ''Whale Wars'' (Tv Series) 2008-2015
* ''Weird, True &amp; Freaky'' (Tv Series) 2008-2012
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Journals''
{{Col-end}}

===Z===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Zolton: The Wolfman'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________</text>
      <sha1>azlk93ldo8v92x3abzk12pgx4rnqlxp</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3942582</id>
      <parentid>3942366</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-05-19T00:49:47Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Sandi74645</username>
        <id>3160827</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor />
      <comment>/* W */</comment>
      <origin>3942582</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="19926" sha1="3lcr98f5u9xd45o7cb7coce5u9ceoog" xml:space="preserve">'''&lt;big&gt;Current Programming&lt;/big&gt;'''
* ''Vet Detective&quot; (2026-Present)
* ''Wildlife ER'' (2023-Present) 
* ''Incredible Northern Vets'' (2025-Present)
* ''Secrets of The Zoo: Down Under''(2020-Present)


'''&lt;big&gt;Former Programming&lt;/big&gt;''' 
===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}                              
* ''A Penguin's Life'' ✓ 
* ''Africa's Hunters'' ✓  
* ''Africa's Wild West'' ✓
* ''Amazon Underworld'' ✓
* ''America the Beautiful'' ✓
* ''America's Wild Frontier'' 
* ''Alaska's Grizzly Gauntlet'' ✓ 
* ''Animals, They're Just Like Us!'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Brazil''
* ''Boss Croc'' ✓
* ''Bumblebees (youtube)
* ''Born In Africa'' ✓
* ''Baboon Queen'' 
* ''Birth of A Pride'' ✓
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' ✓ 
* ''Behind Russia's Frozen Curtain'' ✓
* ''Built for the Kill'' (Tv Series) (2001–2004)
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Cub Camp'' ✓
* ''Cobra Mafia'' ✓
* ''Chimp School''
* ''Cat Attack-tics'' ✓
* ''Croc Labyrinth'' 
* ''China's Wild Side''
* ''Cheetah Fatal Intints&quot;
* ''Clash of The Tigers'' (abc.com)
* ''Cat Wars: Lions Vs Cheetah'' (look up again)     
* ''Caribbean's Deadly Underworld'' 
* ''Caught in the Act'' (Tv Series) 2013-2022
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}   
* ''Dino Fish'' (look up again)
* ''Deadly Game''                                                                    
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Deadly Instincts'' 
* ''Deep Sea Killers'' ✓
* ''Dr. Oakley, Yukon Vet'' (Tv Series) 2014–2023
* ''Dr. K's Exotic Animal ER'' (Tv Series) 2014-2023
* ''Dr. Jeff: Rocky Mountain Vet'' (Tv Series) 2015-2022
* ''Dog Whisperer with Cesar Millan'' (Tv Series) 2004-2016
* ''Dangerous Encounters with Brady Barr'' (Tv Series) 2005–2012
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Extraordinary Birder with Christian Cooper'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Future Cat'' ✓
* ''Florida Untamed'' ✓
* ''Fur Seals: Battle For Survival'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Game of Lions'' ✓
* ''Grizzly Cauldron'' ✓  
* ''Gangster Jackals''
* ''Great Barrier Reef'' (ww5.tinyzone.org)
* ''Giraffe: African Giant'' ✓
* ''Galapagos: Enchanted Islands'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hippo Vs Croc'' ✓ 
* ''Hunt for The Giant Squid'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Okavango'' ✓ 
* ''Into The Pride Lands'' ✓
* ''India's Wild Leopards'' ✓ 
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Waterways''✓
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Jaguar vs Croc'' ✓
* ''Jaguar Journals (movies113.com)
* ''Jade Eyed Leopard'' ✓
* ''Jaguar Beach Battle'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Shew'' ✓
* ''Kiler Queen'' ✓
* ''Kingdom of The White Wolf'' ✓
* ''Kingdom Of The Polar Bears'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Little Killers''
* ''Lemur Island'' 
* ''Lion Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Lion Ganglands'' ✓
* ''Lion Battle Zone'' ✓
* ''Leopard Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Leopard Huntress'' ✓
* ''Land of 10,000 Grizzlies'' 
* ''Leopard: Ultimate Survivor'' (Look up)
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man Vs Lion'' ✓
* ''Man vs Monster''
* ''Mexico Untamed'' ✓
* ''Man vs Cheetah'' ✓
* ''Moster Croc Hunt'' ✓
* ''Mystery of the giant Cave Spider'' (saved/non english)
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Night on Earth'' (1movie.bz)
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Town'' (Saved &quot;No English&quot;)
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Penguinpalooza''
* ''Paradise Islands'' ✓
* ''Praire Dog Manor'' ✓
* ''Path of The Pather'' ✓
* ''Planet of the Birds'' ✓
* ''Predator In Paradise'' 
* ''Peru's Wild Kingdom'' (saved)
* ''Pristine Seas: The Power of Protection ✓
* ''Puma!: Elusive Hunter of the Andes'' (look up again)
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rebal Monkeys''
* ''Real Angry Birds''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Super Cat'' ✓
* ''South Africa'' (look up)?
* ''Super Squirrel''
* ''Surpet's Surprise'' ✓
* ''Strangest Bird Alive''  
* ''Secret Life of Pearls''  
* ''Secret Life of Tigers''
* ''Secrets of Wild India'' (streamm4u.com.co, 
* ''Secrets of the King Cobra'' ✓
* ''Snake City'' (Tv Series) 2014–2019
* ''Saving Giraffes: The Long Journey Home'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile'' 
* ''Tiger Wars'' ✓
* ''The Jungle King'' 
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''Tree Climbing Lions ✓
* ''The Forbidden River''
* ''The Unlikely Leopard'' ✓
* ''The Way of the Cheetah'' ✓
* ''The Great Elephant Walk''
* ''The Incredible Dr. Pol'' (Tv Series) 2011–2024
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas'' (fangdango at home=  {pay}
* ''Ultimate Honey Badger'' 
* ''Ultimate Rivals: Cats vs Dogs'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild 24'' (saved) 
* ''Wild Artic'✓' (abc.com) (nationalgeographic.com)
* ''Wild Chile''  nationalgeographic.com
* ''Wild Egypt'' ✓
* ''Wild Korea'' ✓
* ''Wild Hawaii'' ✓
* ''Wild Russia'' ✓
* ''Wild Nordic'' ✓
* ''Wild Borneo''
* ''Wild Vietnam''  ✓
* ''Wild Monsoon'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''Wild Thailand'' (saved)
* ''War Elephants'' 
* ''Wild Indonesia'' ✓
* ''Wild Sir Lanka'' ✓
* ''Wild Argentina'' (moviemoza.com) (pluto tv?), (ihavenotv.com)
* ''Wild Mississippi'' (has episodes)
* ''War of The Lions'' 
* ''Wild Yellowstone'' ✓
* ''Wild New Zealand'' 
* ''Wild Cats Of India'' ✓
* ''Whales of the Deep''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Yellowstone Wolves: Succession ✓
{{Col-end}}

===Numbers===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''20 years with Dolphins''
{{Col-end}}

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

'''National Geographic Animal Programming'''

'''&lt;big&gt;Current Programming&lt;/big&gt;'''

Incredible Northern Vets: 2024-

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Real Bug's Life'' ✓
* ''A Real Bug's Life II'' ✓
* ''America's National Parks'' ✓
* ''Animal's They're Just Like US!'' ✓
* ''Animals up close with Bertie Gregory'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Bumblebees ✓
* ''Bear Island&quot;
* ''Born in Africa'' 
* ''Battle For Elephants''
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' 
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Chimps on The Edge
* ''Cheetahs Up Close with Berite Gregory ✓
* ''Ceaser Millian: The Dog Whisper'' (Tv Series) 2004-2012
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Dolphins Up Close with Bertie Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Eye of The Leopard ✓
* ''Expedition Great White'' (paramount+)
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ghost Elephants ✓
* ''Great Migration's'' ✓
* ''Gabon:The Last Eden''
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride (movies228.com)
* ''Into The Pride Lands ✓
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kangaroo Kaos
* ''Kingdom of The Polar Bear'' ✓
* ''Kingdom of The White Wolf'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant''✓
* ''Last of The Giants: Wild Fish'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Meet The Chimps''✓
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''National Parks: USA'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Path of The Panther'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===Q===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Queens'' ✓
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''She Wolf'' ✓
* ''Squid vs Whale''
* ''Savage Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Secrets of The Bees ✓
* ''Secrets of The Whales'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Penguins'' ✓
* ''Secrets of The Elephants'' ✓
* ''Shark Movers Deadly Cargo'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Flood'' ✓
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''The Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓
* ''The Last Rhinos: A New Hope ✓
* ''The Hidden Kingdoms of China'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas''
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wildlife: The Big Freeze''
* ''Wildlife: Resurrection Island''
* ''Wolves: A Legend Return to Yellowstone''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty''
{{Col-end}}

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''BBC America/BBC Earth Programming'''

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Asia'' ✓
* ''Africa'' ✓
* ''Asia: Bonus Edition  
* ''A Perfect Planet'' (1movies.bz)
* ''Africa's Wild Year'' ✓
* ''A Wild Year On Earth'' ✓
* ''Attenborough and the Giant Elephant'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Blue Planet'' ✓
* ''Blue Planet II'' ✓
* ''Big Cats 24/7'' ✓
* ''Big Bear Diary'' ✓
* ''Big Little Journeys''
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dynasties'' (1movies.bz) *David Attenborough* 
* ''Deep Blue'' (viral2day.me, ww5.tinyzone.org,streamm4u.com.co,publicflix.org,123movies9.fun )
* ''Dynasties II'' (Daily Motion?)
* ''Dogs In The Wild: Meet The Family'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''David Attenborough: A Life on our Planet'' ✓
* ''David Attenborough: Life In Cold Blood (movies113.com, 
* ''David Attenborough:  Conquest of the Skies (azmovies.net)
* ''Deep Ocean: The Lost World Of The Pacific'' (Saved)
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''China: Nature Ancient Kingdom'' (flixhq)
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Earth Flight'' ihavenotv?, hdtodayz.to, azmovies.net
* ''Expedition Wolf'' (check)
* ''Enchanted Kingdom'' (Idris Elba) *viral2day.me*
* ''Earth's Great River's'' (ihavenotv)
* ''Earth's Great Seasons'' ✓
* ''Earth's Great River's II'' (ihavenotv?)
* ''Earth Tropical Islands'' (ihavenotv?)
* ''Eden: Untamed Planet'' (flixhq) Or (ihavenotv)
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Frozen Planet'' ✓
* ''Frozen Planet II'' (1moviesz.to)
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Galapagos'' hdtodayz.to, 123cine.to, moviemoza.com, 
* ''Great Barrier Reef'' flixhq, azmovies.net, 
* ''Gorilla Family and Me''
* ''Grizzy Bear Cubs and Me (movies228.com)
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
* ''Hidden Habitats'' (hdtodayz.to)
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Japan: Earth's Enchanted Islands'' (azmovies.net)
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kingdom (1moviesz.to)
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Life'' ✓
* ''Life Story'' hdtodayz.to/azmovies.net
* ''Life In Color'' ✓
* ''Little Big Cat''
* ''Life in Cold Blood'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''London's Wild Side'' 
* ''Lands Of The Monsoon''
* ''Lions: Spy In The Den''
* ''Life In The Undergrowth'' azmovies.net, 
* ''Lost land of The Tiger'' (ihavenotv.com)
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Mammals'' (flix hq?) (ihavenotv)
* ''Mirco Monsters''ihavenotv,azmovies.net
* ''Madagascar'' (David Attenborugh) *hdtodayz.to*
* ''Mountains: Life Above the Clouds''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Nature's Great Events'' (Flix HQ)?
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''One Life'' (documentaryarea.com)
* ''Our Planet'' (flixq?) (ihavenotv.com) (Netflix on YouTube?)
* ''Ocean Giants'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''Our Planet II'' ✓
* ''Our Living World'' (Netlix on Youtube?)
* ''Operation Snow Tiger''
* ''Operation Dung Beetle''
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Planet Earth'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth II'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth III'' flixhq, ww5.tinyzone.org
* ''Planet Earth: Asia'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Africa''
* ''Planet Earth: Dynasties'' 
* ''Polar Bear: Spy On The Ice'' 
* ''Penguins: Spy In The Huddle (movies24free.com,moviemoza.com)
* ''Planet Earth: South Pacific'' (o123movies)
* ''Planet Earth: The Blue Planet II'' (flixhq?)
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Reindeer Family and Me''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Shark'' (azmovies.net)
* ''Serengeti'' ✓
* ''Serengeti II''
* ''Serengeti III'' ✓
* ''Spy In The Den''
* ''Spy In The Ocean (www.azmovies.net, moviemoza.com, movies24free.com )
* ''Spy In The Wild'' ✓
* ''Snow Chick: A Penguin's Tale''
* ''South Pacific'' (has episodes) *flix hq?*,  azmovies.net
* ''Seven Worlds, One Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Hunt'' ✓
* ''Tiny Giants''
* ''The Wild Place'' 
* ''The Wild Sides'' ✓
* ''The Blue Planet'' (hdtodayz.to) (123cine.to) (movies113.com)
* ''Tropical Islands'' (ihavenotv.com? check)
* ''The Mating Game'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''The Cheetah Family &amp; Me ''
* ''The Great Bear Steak Out''
* ''The Polar Bear Family &amp; Me'' (1movies.bz, 123cine.to, moviemoza.com )
* ''The Great Rift: Africa's Wild Hart''
* ''Tiger Spy In The Jungle'' (David Attenbourgh) topdocumentarys.com, azmovies.net
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild West'' ✓
* ''Wild Spring
* ''Wild China'' (Roku) (flixhq.to)
* ''Wild Japan'' (look up)
* ''Wild Alaska''
* ''Wild Isles'' (flixhq.to)
* ''Wild Tokyo'' 
* ''Wild Arabia'' ✓
* ''Wild Brazil'' (movies24free.com)
* ''Wild Nordic (moviemoza.com, movies24free.com)
* ''Wild Singapore ''
* ''Wild Indonesia''
* ''Wild Patagonia'' ✓
* ''Wild Caribbean'' (pluto tv?)
* ''Wild Yellowstone''
* ''Wild New Zealand ''
* ''Wild City: Singapore ''
* ''Wild Lands: South Africa'' 
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone'' (flixhq.to), (movies228.com)
{{Col-end}}
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

'''Animal Planet Current Programing'''
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Puppy Bowl'' (Tv Series) 2005-Present 
* ''Pets and Pickers'' (Tv Series) 2022-Present
* ''Yellowstone Wardens'' (Tv Series) 2023-Present
* ''Wardens Of The North'' (Tv Series) 2023-Presnet
{{Col-end}}

'''Animal Planet Former Programing'''

===A===  
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Panda is Born''
* ''A Panda's Story''
* ''Animal Battlegrounds'' ✓
* ''Animal X'' (Tv Series) 1997–2002
* ''Animal Miracles'' (Tv Series) 2001–2003
* ''Animal Precinct'' (Tv Series) 2001–2008
* ''Animal Cops: Detroit'' (Tv Series) 2003–2010
* ''Animal Cops: Houston'' (Tv Series) 2003–2015
* ''Animal Cops: Phoenix'' (Tv Series) 2007–2009
* ''Animal Planet Zooventure'' (Tv Series) 1997–2000
* ''Austin Stevens: Snakemaster'' (Tv Series) 2004–2009
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Big Cat Tales'' ✓
* '' Big, Small &amp; Deadly''
* '' Big Cats: Secret Lives''
* '' Britain's Wildest Places'' ✓
* '' Battle Ground: Rhino Wars'' 
* '' Bad Dog'' (Tv Series) 2011-2016
* '' Big Cat Dairy'' (Tv Series) 1996-2005
* '' Breed All About It'' (Tv Series) 1997-2001
* '' Big Cat Tales: More From The Mara Region''
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Cats 101'' (Tv Series) 2008-2012
* ''Croc Files'' (Tv Series) 1999-2005
* ''Call Of The Wild Man'' (Tv Series) 2011-2014
* ''Crickey It's The Irwin's'' (Tv Show) 2018-2022
* ''Confessions: Animal Hording'' (Tv Series) 2010-2014
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dolphin Days'' ✓
* ''Dogs: The Untold Story''
* ''Dark Days In Monkey City''
* ''Dogs 101'' (Tv Series) 2008-2011
* ''Dr. Jeff: Rocky Mountain Vet'' (Tv Series) 2015-2022
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Escape To Chimp Eden'' 
* ''Emergency Vets'' (Tv Series) 1998-2008
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Going Ape'' ✓
* ''Gorilla School'' ✓
* ''Gator Boys'' (Tv Series) 2012-2017
* ''Gorillas on the Brink: Saving a Species''
* ''Growing up Animal Series: ''
* ''- Grizzly''
* ''- Lion''
* ''- Tiger ''
* ''- Cheetah ''
* ''- Marsupia''
* ''- Elephant''
* ''- Wolf''
* ''- Clouded Leopard''
* ''- Zebra''
* ''- Baboon''
* ''- Black Bear''
* ''- Orangutan''
* ''- Rhino''
* ''- Lynx''
* ''- Polar Bear''
* ''- Penguin''
* ''- Giraffe''
* ''- Walrus''
* ''- Hyena''
* ''- Camel''
* ''- Moose''
* ''- Leopard''
* ''- Sitka Deer''
* ''- Gorilla''
* ''- Giant Panda''
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride ''
* ''Into The Lions Den''
* ''I Was Prey'' (Tv Series) 2017-2019
* ''It's Me or The Dog'' (Tv Series) 2007-2012
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Jane Goodall's When Animals Talk''
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Whales: The Mega Hunt'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giants'' ✓
* ''Lemur Kingdom''
* ''League of Monkey's''
* ''Living With Man-Eaters'' ✓
* ''Lone Star Law'' (Tv Series) 2016-2022 
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man vs Bear'' ✓
* ''Meerkat Manor (www.azmovies.net)
* ''Mounted Branch'' ✓
* ''Man-Eating Super Croc''
* ''Man-Eating Super Squid''
* ''Mysterious Wild Of India'' 
* ''Meerkat Manor'' (Tv Series) 2005-2008 
* ''My Cat From Hell'' (Tv Series) 2011-2020
* ''Monsters Inside Me'' (Tv Series) 2009-2017
* ''Mysterious Creatures With Forrest Galante'' ✓
* ''Meet the Pandas: Washington's New Power Couple''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Night'' (Discovery+)
* ''North Woods Laws'' (Tv Series) 2012-2021
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Orangutan Island''
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Project Grizzly'' ✓
* ''Pandamonium'' ✓
* ''Panda Republic'' ✓
* ''Pet Star'' (Tv Series) 2002-2005
* ''Pit Boss'' (Tv Series) 2010-2013
* ''Pitbulls &amp; Parolees'' (Tv Series) 2009-2022
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rise of The Warrior Apes''
* ''Romeo &amp; Juliet: A Monkey's Tale''
* ''River Monsters'' (Tv Series) 2009-2017
* ''Rattle Snake Republic'' (Tv Series) 2012-2014
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Survival of the Beast''
* ''Season of The Grizzly''
* ''Saving Grace: The Otter'' ✓
* ''Safari: An Extraordinary Adventure''
* ''Swamp Wars'' (Tv Series) 2011-2013
* ''Saving The Gorillas: Ellen's Next Adventure'' ✓
* ''Austin Stevens: Snakemaster'' (Tv Series) 2004−2009
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile''
* ''The Pack'' ✓
* ''Tucan Nation''
* ''The Real Lion Queen'' (saved)
* ''The Beauty of Snakes'' 
* ''The Great Shark Chase'' 
* ''Tanked'' (Tv Series) 2011-2018
* ''The Zoo'' (Tv Series) 2017-2021
* ''Too Cute'' (Tv Series) 2011-2017
* ''The Vet Life'' (Tv Series) 2016-2020
* ''The Aquarium'' (Tv Series) 2020-2021
* ''The Most Extreme'' (Tv Series) 2002-2006
* ''The Zoo: San Deigo'' (Tv Series) 2019-2022
* ''The Crocodile Hunter'' (Tv Series) 1997-2004
* ''The Magic Of The Big Blue: Seven Continents'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''The Secret Life Of The Zoo'' (Tv Series) 2016-2020
* ''The Jeff Corwin Experience'' (Tv Series) 2001-2003
* ''The Planets Funniest Animals'' (Tv Series) 1990-2008
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed &amp; Uncut'' (Tv Series) 2008-2010
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Deep''
* ''Wild Costa Rica''
* ''Wild New Zealand''
* ''Wolves and Warriors'' ✓
* ''Walking With Elephants'' ✓
* ''Wild Africa: Rivers Of Life'' 
* ''Wildest Islands of Indonesia&quot; azmovies.net
* ''Whale Wars'' (Tv Series) 2008-2015
* ''Weird, True &amp; Freaky'' (Tv Series) 2008-2012
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Journals''
{{Col-end}}

===Z===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Zolton: The Wolfman'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________</text>
      <sha1>3lcr98f5u9xd45o7cb7coce5u9ceoog</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3942592</id>
      <parentid>3942582</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-05-19T01:32:42Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Sandi74645</username>
        <id>3160827</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor />
      <comment>/* G */</comment>
      <origin>3942592</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="19945" sha1="7hvdmc3fcw83lkufl1te02vfv0vzx7c" xml:space="preserve">'''&lt;big&gt;Current Programming&lt;/big&gt;'''
* ''Vet Detective&quot; (2026-Present)
* ''Wildlife ER'' (2023-Present) 
* ''Incredible Northern Vets'' (2025-Present)
* ''Secrets of The Zoo: Down Under''(2020-Present)


'''&lt;big&gt;Former Programming&lt;/big&gt;''' 
===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}                              
* ''A Penguin's Life'' ✓ 
* ''Africa's Hunters'' ✓  
* ''Africa's Wild West'' ✓
* ''Amazon Underworld'' ✓
* ''America the Beautiful'' ✓
* ''America's Wild Frontier'' 
* ''Alaska's Grizzly Gauntlet'' ✓ 
* ''Animals, They're Just Like Us!'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Brazil''
* ''Boss Croc'' ✓
* ''Bumblebees (youtube)
* ''Born In Africa'' ✓
* ''Baboon Queen'' 
* ''Birth of A Pride'' ✓
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' ✓ 
* ''Behind Russia's Frozen Curtain'' ✓
* ''Built for the Kill'' (Tv Series) (2001–2004)
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}} 
* ''Cub Camp'' ✓
* ''Cobra Mafia'' ✓
* ''Chimp School''
* ''Cat Attack-tics'' ✓
* ''Croc Labyrinth'' 
* ''China's Wild Side''
* ''Cheetah Fatal Intints&quot;
* ''Clash of The Tigers'' (abc.com)
* ''Cat Wars: Lions Vs Cheetah'' (look up again)     
* ''Caribbean's Deadly Underworld'' 
* ''Caught in the Act'' (Tv Series) 2013-2022
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}   
* ''Dino Fish'' (look up again)
* ''Deadly Game''                                                                    
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Deadly Instincts'' 
* ''Deep Sea Killers'' ✓
* ''Dr. Oakley, Yukon Vet'' (Tv Series) 2014–2023
* ''Dr. K's Exotic Animal ER'' (Tv Series) 2014-2023
* ''Dr. Jeff: Rocky Mountain Vet'' (Tv Series) 2015-2022
* ''Dog Whisperer with Cesar Millan'' (Tv Series) 2004-2016
* ''Dangerous Encounters with Brady Barr'' (Tv Series) 2005–2012
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Extraordinary Birder with Christian Cooper'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Future Cat'' ✓
* ''Florida Untamed'' ✓
* ''Fur Seals: Battle For Survival'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Game of Lions'' ✓
* ''Grizzly Cauldron'' ✓  
* ''Gangster Jackals''
* ''Great Barrier Reef'' (ww5.tinyzone.org)
* ''Giraffe: African Giant'' ✓
* ''Galapagos: Enchanted Islands'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hippo Vs Croc'' ✓ 
* ''Hunt for The Giant Squid'' ✓ 
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Okavango'' ✓ 
* ''Into The Pride Lands'' ✓
* ''India's Wild Leopards'' ✓ 
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Waterways''✓
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Jaguar vs Croc'' ✓
* ''Jaguar Journals (movies113.com)
* ''Jade Eyed Leopard'' ✓
* ''Jaguar Beach Battle'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Shew'' ✓
* ''Kiler Queen'' ✓
* ''Kingdom of The White Wolf'' ✓
* ''Kingdom Of The Polar Bears'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant'' ✓
* ''Little Killers''
* ''Lemur Island'' 
* ''Lion Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Lion Ganglands'' ✓
* ''Lion Battle Zone'' ✓
* ''Leopard Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Leopard Huntress'' ✓
* ''Land of 10,000 Grizzlies'' 
* ''Leopard: Ultimate Survivor'' (Look up)
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man Vs Lion'' ✓
* ''Man vs Monster''
* ''Mexico Untamed'' ✓
* ''Man vs Cheetah'' ✓
* ''Moster Croc Hunt'' ✓
* ''Mystery of the giant Cave Spider'' (saved/non english)
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Night on Earth'' (1movie.bz)
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Town'' (Saved &quot;No English&quot;)
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Penguinpalooza''
* ''Paradise Islands'' ✓
* ''Praire Dog Manor'' ✓
* ''Path of The Pather'' ✓
* ''Planet of the Birds'' ✓
* ''Predator In Paradise'' 
* ''Peru's Wild Kingdom'' (saved)
* ''Pristine Seas: The Power of Protection ✓
* ''Puma!: Elusive Hunter of the Andes'' (look up again)
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rebal Monkeys''
* ''Real Angry Birds''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Super Cat'' ✓
* ''South Africa'' (look up)?
* ''Super Squirrel''
* ''Surpet's Surprise'' ✓
* ''Strangest Bird Alive''  
* ''Secret Life of Pearls''  
* ''Secret Life of Tigers''
* ''Secrets of Wild India'' (streamm4u.com.co, 
* ''Secrets of the King Cobra'' ✓
* ''Snake City'' (Tv Series) 2014–2019
* ''Saving Giraffes: The Long Journey Home'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile'' 
* ''Tiger Wars'' ✓
* ''The Jungle King'' 
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''Tree Climbing Lions ✓
* ''The Forbidden River''
* ''The Unlikely Leopard'' ✓
* ''The Way of the Cheetah'' ✓
* ''The Great Elephant Walk''
* ''The Incredible Dr. Pol'' (Tv Series) 2011–2024
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas'' (fangdango at home=  {pay}
* ''Ultimate Honey Badger'' 
* ''Ultimate Rivals: Cats vs Dogs'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild 24'' (saved) 
* ''Wild Artic'✓' (abc.com) (nationalgeographic.com)
* ''Wild Chile''  nationalgeographic.com
* ''Wild Egypt'' ✓
* ''Wild Korea'' ✓
* ''Wild Hawaii'' ✓
* ''Wild Russia'' ✓
* ''Wild Nordic'' ✓
* ''Wild Borneo''
* ''Wild Vietnam''  ✓
* ''Wild Monsoon'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''Wild Thailand'' (saved)
* ''War Elephants'' 
* ''Wild Indonesia'' ✓
* ''Wild Sir Lanka'' ✓
* ''Wild Argentina'' (moviemoza.com) (pluto tv?), (ihavenotv.com)
* ''Wild Mississippi'' (has episodes)
* ''War of The Lions'' 
* ''Wild Yellowstone'' ✓
* ''Wild New Zealand'' 
* ''Wild Cats Of India'' ✓
* ''Whales of the Deep''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Yellowstone Wolves: Succession ✓
{{Col-end}}

===Numbers===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''20 years with Dolphins''
{{Col-end}}

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

'''National Geographic Animal Programming'''

'''&lt;big&gt;Current Programming&lt;/big&gt;'''

Incredible Northern Vets: 2024-

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Real Bug's Life'' ✓
* ''A Real Bug's Life II'' ✓
* ''America's National Parks'' ✓
* ''Animal's They're Just Like US!'' ✓
* ''Animals up close with Bertie Gregory'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Bumblebees ✓
* ''Bear Island&quot;
* ''Born in Africa'' 
* ''Battle For Elephants''
* ''Big Sur: Wild California'' 
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Chimps on The Edge
* ''Cheetahs Up Close with Berite Gregory ✓
* ''Ceaser Millian: The Dog Whisper'' (Tv Series) 2004-2012
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dead By Dawn'' ✓
* ''Dolphins Up Close with Bertie Gregory ✓
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Eye of The Leopard ✓
* ''Expedition Great White'' (paramount+)
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ghost Elephants ✓
* ''Great Migration's'' ✓
* ''Gabon:The Last Eden''
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride (movies228.com)
* ''Into The Pride Lands ✓
* ''Incredible Animal Journeys'' ✓
* ''Inside The Enchanted Forests'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kangaroo Kaos
* ''Kingdom of The Polar Bear'' ✓
* ''Kingdom of The White Wolf'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giant''✓
* ''Last of The Giants: Wild Fish'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Meet The Chimps''✓
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''National Parks: USA'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Path of The Panther'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===Q===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Queens'' ✓
* ''Ocean With David Attenborough'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''She Wolf'' ✓
* ''Squid vs Whale''
* ''Savage Kingdom'' ✓
* ''Secrets of The Bees ✓
* ''Secrets of The Whales'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓ 
* ''Secrets of The Penguins'' ✓
* ''Secrets of The Elephants'' ✓
* ''Shark Movers Deadly Cargo'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Flood'' ✓
* ''The Kangaroo King'' ✓
* ''The Secrets of The Octopus'' ✓
* ''The Last Rhinos: A New Hope ✓
* ''The Hidden Kingdoms of China'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed Americas''
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wildlife: The Big Freeze''
* ''Wildlife: Resurrection Island''
* ''Wolves: A Legend Return to Yellowstone''
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Yellowstone Wolf Dynasty''
{{Col-end}}

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
'''BBC America/BBC Earth Programming'''

===A===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Asia'' ✓
* ''Africa'' ✓
* ''Asia: Bonus Edition  
* ''A Perfect Planet'' (1movies.bz)
* ''Africa's Wild Year'' ✓
* ''A Wild Year On Earth'' ✓
* ''Attenborough and the Giant Elephant'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Blue Planet'' ✓
* ''Blue Planet II'' ✓
* ''Big Cats 24/7'' ✓
* ''Big Bear Diary'' ✓
* ''Big Little Journeys''
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dynasties'' (1movies.bz) *David Attenborough* 
* ''Deep Blue'' (viral2day.me, ww5.tinyzone.org,streamm4u.com.co,publicflix.org,123movies9.fun )
* ''Dynasties II'' (Daily Motion?)
* ''Dogs In The Wild: Meet The Family'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''David Attenborough: A Life on our Planet'' ✓
* ''David Attenborough: Life In Cold Blood (movies113.com, 
* ''David Attenborough:  Conquest of the Skies (azmovies.net)
* ''Deep Ocean: The Lost World Of The Pacific'' (Saved)
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''China: Nature Ancient Kingdom'' (flixhq)
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Earth Flight'' ihavenotv?, hdtodayz.to, azmovies.net
* ''Expedition Wolf'' (check)
* ''Enchanted Kingdom'' (Idris Elba) *viral2day.me*
* ''Earth's Great River's'' (ihavenotv)
* ''Earth's Great Seasons'' ✓
* ''Earth's Great River's II'' (ihavenotv?)
* ''Earth Tropical Islands'' (ihavenotv?)
* ''Eden: Untamed Planet'' (flixhq) Or (ihavenotv)
{{Col-end}}

===F===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Frozen Planet'' ✓
* ''Frozen Planet II'' (1moviesz.to)
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Galapagos''    hdtodayz.to, 123cine.to, moviemoza.com, movies24free.com
* ''Great Barrier Reef'' flixhq, azmovies.net, 
* ''Gorilla Family and Me''
* ''Grizzy Bear Cubs and Me (movies228.com)
{{Col-end}}

===H===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Hostile Planet'' ✓
* ''Hidden Habitats'' (hdtodayz.to)
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Japan: Earth's Enchanted Islands'' (azmovies.net)
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Kingdom (1moviesz.to)
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Life'' ✓
* ''Life Story'' hdtodayz.to/azmovies.net
* ''Life In Color'' ✓
* ''Little Big Cat''
* ''Life in Cold Blood'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''London's Wild Side'' 
* ''Lands Of The Monsoon''
* ''Lions: Spy In The Den''
* ''Life In The Undergrowth'' azmovies.net, 
* ''Lost land of The Tiger'' (ihavenotv.com)
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Mammals'' (flix hq?) (ihavenotv)
* ''Mirco Monsters''ihavenotv,azmovies.net
* ''Madagascar'' (David Attenborugh) *hdtodayz.to*
* ''Mountains: Life Above the Clouds''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Nature's Great Events'' (Flix HQ)?
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''One Life'' (documentaryarea.com)
* ''Our Planet'' (flixq?) (ihavenotv.com) (Netflix on YouTube?)
* ''Ocean Giants'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''Our Planet II'' ✓
* ''Our Living World'' (Netlix on Youtube?)
* ''Operation Snow Tiger''
* ''Operation Dung Beetle''
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Planet Earth'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth II'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth III'' flixhq, ww5.tinyzone.org
* ''Planet Earth: Asia'' ✓
* ''Planet Earth: Africa''
* ''Planet Earth: Dynasties'' 
* ''Polar Bear: Spy On The Ice'' 
* ''Penguins: Spy In The Huddle (movies24free.com,moviemoza.com)
* ''Planet Earth: South Pacific'' (o123movies)
* ''Planet Earth: The Blue Planet II'' (flixhq?)
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Reindeer Family and Me''
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Shark'' (azmovies.net)
* ''Serengeti'' ✓
* ''Serengeti II''
* ''Serengeti III'' ✓
* ''Spy In The Den''
* ''Spy In The Ocean (www.azmovies.net, moviemoza.com, movies24free.com )
* ''Spy In The Wild'' ✓
* ''Snow Chick: A Penguin's Tale''
* ''South Pacific'' (has episodes) *flix hq?*,  azmovies.net
* ''Seven Worlds, One Planet'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Hunt'' ✓
* ''Tiny Giants''
* ''The Wild Place'' 
* ''The Wild Sides'' ✓
* ''The Blue Planet'' (hdtodayz.to) (123cine.to) (movies113.com)
* ''Tropical Islands'' (ihavenotv.com? check)
* ''The Mating Game'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''The Cheetah Family &amp; Me ''
* ''The Great Bear Steak Out''
* ''The Polar Bear Family &amp; Me'' (1movies.bz, 123cine.to, moviemoza.com )
* ''The Great Rift: Africa's Wild Hart''
* ''Tiger Spy In The Jungle'' (David Attenbourgh) topdocumentarys.com, azmovies.net
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild West'' ✓
* ''Wild Spring
* ''Wild China'' (Roku) (flixhq.to)
* ''Wild Japan'' (look up)
* ''Wild Alaska''
* ''Wild Isles'' (flixhq.to)
* ''Wild Tokyo'' 
* ''Wild Arabia'' ✓
* ''Wild Brazil'' (movies24free.com)
* ''Wild Nordic (moviemoza.com, movies24free.com)
* ''Wild Singapore ''
* ''Wild Indonesia''
* ''Wild Patagonia'' ✓
* ''Wild Caribbean'' (pluto tv?)
* ''Wild Yellowstone''
* ''Wild New Zealand ''
* ''Wild City: Singapore ''
* ''Wild Lands: South Africa'' 
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone'' (flixhq.to), (movies228.com)
{{Col-end}}
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

'''Animal Planet Current Programing'''
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Puppy Bowl'' (Tv Series) 2005-Present 
* ''Pets and Pickers'' (Tv Series) 2022-Present
* ''Yellowstone Wardens'' (Tv Series) 2023-Present
* ''Wardens Of The North'' (Tv Series) 2023-Presnet
{{Col-end}}

'''Animal Planet Former Programing'''

===A===  
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''A Panda is Born''
* ''A Panda's Story''
* ''Animal Battlegrounds'' ✓
* ''Animal X'' (Tv Series) 1997–2002
* ''Animal Miracles'' (Tv Series) 2001–2003
* ''Animal Precinct'' (Tv Series) 2001–2008
* ''Animal Cops: Detroit'' (Tv Series) 2003–2010
* ''Animal Cops: Houston'' (Tv Series) 2003–2015
* ''Animal Cops: Phoenix'' (Tv Series) 2007–2009
* ''Animal Planet Zooventure'' (Tv Series) 1997–2000
* ''Austin Stevens: Snakemaster'' (Tv Series) 2004–2009
{{Col-end}}

===B===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* '' Big Cat Tales'' ✓
* '' Big, Small &amp; Deadly''
* '' Big Cats: Secret Lives''
* '' Britain's Wildest Places'' ✓
* '' Battle Ground: Rhino Wars'' 
* '' Bad Dog'' (Tv Series) 2011-2016
* '' Big Cat Dairy'' (Tv Series) 1996-2005
* '' Breed All About It'' (Tv Series) 1997-2001
* '' Big Cat Tales: More From The Mara Region''
{{Col-end}}

===C===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Cats 101'' (Tv Series) 2008-2012
* ''Croc Files'' (Tv Series) 1999-2005
* ''Call Of The Wild Man'' (Tv Series) 2011-2014
* ''Crickey It's The Irwin's'' (Tv Show) 2018-2022
* ''Confessions: Animal Hording'' (Tv Series) 2010-2014
{{Col-end}}

===D===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Dolphin Days'' ✓
* ''Dogs: The Untold Story''
* ''Dark Days In Monkey City''
* ''Dogs 101'' (Tv Series) 2008-2011
* ''Dr. Jeff: Rocky Mountain Vet'' (Tv Series) 2015-2022
{{Col-end}}

===E===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Escape To Chimp Eden'' 
* ''Emergency Vets'' (Tv Series) 1998-2008
{{Col-end}}

===G===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Going Ape'' ✓
* ''Gorilla School'' ✓
* ''Gator Boys'' (Tv Series) 2012-2017
* ''Gorillas on the Brink: Saving a Species''
* ''Growing up Animal Series: ''
* ''- Grizzly''
* ''- Lion''
* ''- Tiger ''
* ''- Cheetah ''
* ''- Marsupia''
* ''- Elephant''
* ''- Wolf''
* ''- Clouded Leopard''
* ''- Zebra''
* ''- Baboon''
* ''- Black Bear''
* ''- Orangutan''
* ''- Rhino''
* ''- Lynx''
* ''- Polar Bear''
* ''- Penguin''
* ''- Giraffe''
* ''- Walrus''
* ''- Hyena''
* ''- Camel''
* ''- Moose''
* ''- Leopard''
* ''- Sitka Deer''
* ''- Gorilla''
* ''- Giant Panda''
{{Col-end}}

===I===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Into The Pride ''
* ''Into The Lions Den''
* ''I Was Prey'' (Tv Series) 2017-2019
* ''It's Me or The Dog'' (Tv Series) 2007-2012
{{Col-end}}

===J===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Jane Goodall's When Animals Talk''
{{Col-end}}

===K===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Killer Whales: The Mega Hunt'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

===L===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Little Giants'' ✓
* ''Lemur Kingdom''
* ''League of Monkey's''
* ''Living With Man-Eaters'' ✓
* ''Lone Star Law'' (Tv Series) 2016-2022 
{{Col-end}}

===M===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Man vs Bear'' ✓
* ''Meerkat Manor (www.azmovies.net)
* ''Mounted Branch'' ✓
* ''Man-Eating Super Croc''
* ''Man-Eating Super Squid''
* ''Mysterious Wild Of India'' 
* ''Meerkat Manor'' (Tv Series) 2005-2008 
* ''My Cat From Hell'' (Tv Series) 2011-2020
* ''Monsters Inside Me'' (Tv Series) 2009-2017
* ''Mysterious Creatures With Forrest Galante'' ✓
* ''Meet the Pandas: Washington's New Power Couple''
{{Col-end}}

===N===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Night'' (Discovery+)
* ''North Woods Laws'' (Tv Series) 2012-2021
{{Col-end}}

===O===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Otter Dynasty'' ✓
* ''Orangutan Island''
{{Col-end}}

===P===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Project Grizzly'' ✓
* ''Pandamonium'' ✓
* ''Panda Republic'' ✓
* ''Pet Star'' (Tv Series) 2002-2005
* ''Pit Boss'' (Tv Series) 2010-2013
* ''Pitbulls &amp; Parolees'' (Tv Series) 2009-2022
{{Col-end}}

===R===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Rise of The Warrior Apes''
* ''Romeo &amp; Juliet: A Monkey's Tale''
* ''River Monsters'' (Tv Series) 2009-2017
* ''Rattle Snake Republic'' (Tv Series) 2012-2014
{{Col-end}}

===S===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Survival of the Beast''
* ''Season of The Grizzly''
* ''Saving Grace: The Otter'' ✓
* ''Safari: An Extraordinary Adventure''
* ''Swamp Wars'' (Tv Series) 2011-2013
* ''Saving The Gorillas: Ellen's Next Adventure'' ✓
* ''Austin Stevens: Snakemaster'' (Tv Series) 2004−2009
{{Col-end}}

===T===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''The Nile''
* ''The Pack'' ✓
* ''Tucan Nation''
* ''The Real Lion Queen'' (saved)
* ''The Beauty of Snakes'' 
* ''The Great Shark Chase'' 
* ''Tanked'' (Tv Series) 2011-2018
* ''The Zoo'' (Tv Series) 2017-2021
* ''Too Cute'' (Tv Series) 2011-2017
* ''The Vet Life'' (Tv Series) 2016-2020
* ''The Aquarium'' (Tv Series) 2020-2021
* ''The Most Extreme'' (Tv Series) 2002-2006
* ''The Zoo: San Deigo'' (Tv Series) 2019-2022
* ''The Crocodile Hunter'' (Tv Series) 1997-2004
* ''The Magic Of The Big Blue: Seven Continents'' (ihavenotv.com)
* ''The Secret Life Of The Zoo'' (Tv Series) 2016-2020
* ''The Jeff Corwin Experience'' (Tv Series) 2001-2003
* ''The Planets Funniest Animals'' (Tv Series) 1990-2008
{{Col-end}}

===U===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Untamed &amp; Uncut'' (Tv Series) 2008-2010
{{Col-end}}

===W===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Wild Deep''
* ''Wild Costa Rica''
* ''Wild New Zealand''
* ''Wolves and Warriors'' ✓
* ''Walking With Elephants'' ✓
* ''Wild Africa: Rivers Of Life'' 
* ''Wildest Islands of Indonesia&quot; azmovies.net
* ''Whale Wars'' (Tv Series) 2008-2015
* ''Weird, True &amp; Freaky'' (Tv Series) 2008-2012
{{Col-end}}

===Y===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Yellowstone Journals''
{{Col-end}}

===Z===
{{Col-begin}}
{{Col-2}}
* ''Zolton: The Wolfman'' ✓
{{Col-end}}

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________</text>
      <sha1>7hvdmc3fcw83lkufl1te02vfv0vzx7c</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Elsie Addo Awadzi</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>261872</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3942433</id>
      <parentid>3874371</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-05-18T15:51:43Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>−[[Category:Women from Ghana]]; +[[Category:Women in law]]; ±[[Category:Women authors]]→[[Category:Women authors from Ghana]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]]</comment>
      <origin>3942433</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="1485" sha1="5o3eh0e8kvt84ohurg7kz3vpjgifuwg" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Mrs Elsie Awadzi.jpg|thumb|Elsie Addo Awadzi speaking at the Ghana Securities Industry Association Summit during their 2018 Capital Market Week]]
'''[[w:Elsie Addo Awadzi|Elsie Addo Awadzi]]''' is a Ghanaian international economic and financial lawyer with over 25 years of professional experience working in various capacities in Ghana and internationally. She is the second female to hold the position as the 2nd deputy governor of the Bank of Ghana in February 2018.
== Quotes ==
*'''Impact your world right where you find yourself and in whatever you find yourself doing. Dream big, and create the future you desire through hard work, integrity, and a positive attitude.'''
**[https://www.bog.gov.gh/speeches/interview-with-mrs-elsie-addo-awadzi-second-deputy-governor-bank-of-ghana/ Interview with Mrs. Elsie Addo Awadzi, Second Deputy Governor, Bank of Ghana]

*'''There are no short cuts to success. Do your best in all things, and trust God to do what only He can do. Never stop believing. Keep investing in yourself, and invest in others. Never walk alone.'''
**[https://www.bog.gov.gh/speeches/interview-with-mrs-elsie-addo-awadzi-second-deputy-governor-bank-of-ghana/ Interview with Mrs. Elsie Addo Awadzi, Second Deputy Governor, Bank of Ghana]

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Awadzi, Elsie Addo}}
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Lawyers from Ghana]]
[[Category:Legal writers]]
[[Category:Women authors from Ghana]]
[[Category:Women in law]]</text>
      <sha1>5o3eh0e8kvt84ohurg7kz3vpjgifuwg</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Liana Badr</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>262331</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3942460</id>
      <parentid>3547931</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-05-18T18:59:04Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>−[[Category:Women from Palestine]]; ±[[Category:Women authors]]→[[Category:Women authors from Palestine]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]]</comment>
      <origin>3942460</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="2067" sha1="ov1dun9hzrvh8ffzs10qsotznjntgqu" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Liana Badr|Liana Badr]]''' (born 1950 in [[Jerusalem]]) is a [[Palestinian]] novelist, and short story writer.

==Quotes==
*Three cities run in my veins: Jerusalem, which I consider to be the place of my soul’s identity and existence; Jericho, the city that colors my heart and my passion; and Hebron, which I believe is the source of my creative imagination and my personal archive of popular folk tales, like those about Al-Shater Hassan.
**[https://wordswithoutborders.org/read/article/2016-05/the-city-and-the-writer-in-jerusalem-with-liana-badr-nathalie-handal/ Interview] with Words Without Borders (2016) Translated from the Arabic by Suja Sawafta.

===[https://web.archive.org/web/20120314005136/http://nisimazine.eu/Interview-with-Liana-Badr.html Interview] (2010)===
*If you look for them, you can find hero’s everywhere, in ordinary people.

*I’m interested in finding the relation between war and the human being. The beauty of the small pleasures in life, subtle things. 

*My project is to rewrite the palestinian history through the eyes of women.

*(about [[Fadwa Tuqan]]) one of the most important poets of Palestine. She wrote a book that is like the bible of the palestinian feminist movement. When she was 12 years old a boy threw flowers on her. Her brother saw it, and it was a big crisis for her family. They told her ”You will stay in the house until you die.” Her brother Ibrahim Toquan was one of the best poets in Palestine at the time. He didn’t let her out of the house, but he taught her to write. After 20 years of house arrest she left the house. She was a rebel, and she established the poetry of love and loneliness in Palestine.

*I believe the image is what can unite the world.

== External links== 
{{wikipedia}} &lt;!-- OPTIONAL --&gt;

{{DEFAULTSORT:Badr, Liana}}
[[Category:1950 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Poets from Palestine]]
[[Category:Novelists from Palestine]]
[[Category:Short story writers from Palestine]]
[[Category:Women authors from Palestine]]
[[Category:Women born in the 1950s]]</text>
      <sha1>ov1dun9hzrvh8ffzs10qsotznjntgqu</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Sam Altman</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>263308</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3942589</id>
      <parentid>3933352</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-05-19T01:06:07Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Raquel Baranow</username>
        <id>915940</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Quotes */ quote from 2016</comment>
      <origin>3942589</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="13107" sha1="hxken7yf0b1dqu883fyhzwg8wfsgnso" xml:space="preserve">[[file:Sam Altman TechCrunch SF 2019 Day 2 Oct 3 (cropped).jpg|thumb|right|Sam Harris Altman in 2019]]

'''[[w:Sam Altman|Samuel Harris Altman]]'''{{DEFAULTSORT:Altman, Sam}} (born 1985) is an American [[entrepreneur]], [[investor]], and [[programmer]]. He is the CEO of [[w:OpenAI|OpenAI]] and was the co-founder of [[w:Loopt|Loopt]]. He previously was the president of [[w:Y Combinator|Y Combinator]] and was briefly the CEO of [[w:Reddit|Reddit]].

== Quotes ==
=== 2016 ===
* I prep for survival. I have guns, gold, potassium iodide, antibiotics, batteries, water, gas masks from the Israeli Defense Force and a big patch of land in Big Sur I can fly to.
** The Context By David Wallace-Wells, The AI Backlash Will Be Ugly and No One is Ready. Not Even Tech C.E.O.s., ''The New York Times Magazine'' (17 May 2026)

=== 2017 ===

==== &quot;The Merge&quot; ====

:&lt;small&gt;Sam Altman (December 7, 2017). &quot;[https://blog.samaltman.com/the-merge The Merge]&quot;. ([https://medium.com/wordsthatmatter/merge-now-430c6d89d1fe origial Medium post])&lt;/small&gt;

* Perhaps another reason people stopped using the word “[[singularity]]” is that it implies a single moment in time, and it now looks like the merge is going to be a gradual process. And gradual processes are hard to notice.&lt;br&gt;'''I believe the merge has already started, and we are a few years in. Our phones control us and tell us what to do when; social media feeds determine how we feel; search engines decide what we think.'''

* We are already in the phase of co-evolution — the AIs affect, effect, and infect us, and then we improve the AI. We build more computing power and run the AI on it, and it figures out how to build even better chips.

* More important than that, unless we destroy ourselves first, superhuman AI is going to happen, genetic enhancement is going to happen, and brain-machine interfaces are going to happen. '''It is a failure of human imagination and human arrogance to assume that we will never build things smarter than ourselves.'''

* The merge can take a lot of forms: We could plug electrodes into our brains, or we could all just become really close friends with a chatbot. But I think a merge is probably our best-case scenario. If two different species both want the same thing and only one can have it—in this case, to be the dominant species on the planet and beyond—they are going to have conflict. We should all want one team where all members care about the well-being of everyone else.

* Although the merge has already begun, it’s going to get a lot weirder. We will be the first species ever to design our own descendants. My guess is that we can either be the biological bootloader for digital intelligence and then fade into an evolutionary tree branch, or we can figure out what a successful merge looks like.

* It’s probably going to happen sooner than most people think. Hardware is improving at an exponential rate—the most surprising thing I’ve learned working on OpenAI is just how correlated increasing computing power and AI breakthroughs are—and the number of smart people working on AI is increasing exponentially as well. Double exponential functions get away from you fast.

=== 2022 ===
* Trust the exponential. Flat looking backwards, vertical looking forwards.
** Conversation on Twitter with Elon Musk (December 3, 2022)

=== 2023 ===

* Regulation will be crucial, and it will take time to understand this. Although the artificial intelligence tools of our generation are not particularly frightening, I think that we are not so far away from those that could potentially be.
** [https://www.hdblog.it/tecnologia/articoli/n566586/chatgpt-bing-openai-ai-sam-altman-quale-futuro/ Il futuro dell'AI per il creatore di ChatGPT: potenzialmente pauroso, va regolamentato], 20 February 2023 (referenced in Italian) 

* Do we make sure AI is a tool that has proper safeguards as it gets really powerful? (November 23, 2023)
** [https://archive.vn/Q2ybB ''What Sam Altman said about AI at a CEO summit the day before OpenAI ousted him as CEO''], ''Fortune'' (December 14, 2023)

* I expect AI to be capable of superhuman persuasion before it is superhuman at general intelligence, which may lead to some very strange outcomes.
** As quoted in Maggie Harrison, ''[https://futurism.com/sam-altman-ai-superhuman-persuasion Sam Altman Warns That AI Is Learning &quot;Superhuman Persuasion&quot;]'', October 28, 2023.

* I think AGI will be the best tool humanity has yet created. With it, we will be able to solve all sorts of problems. We'll be able to express ourselves in new creative ways. We'll make just incredible things for each other, for ourselves, for the world, for kind of this unfolding human story. And it's new, and anything new comes with change and change is not always all easy. But I think this will be just absolutely tremendous upside. And in nine more years if you're nice enough to invite me back, you'll roll this question and people will say, &quot;How could we have thought we didn't want this?&quot;
** As quoted in ''[https://www.wsj.com/podcasts/the-journal/a-conversation-with-openais-sam-altman-and-mira-murati/7c89e85f-9d7e-4569-b67d-6a777374eada A Conversation with OpenAI’s Sam Altman and Mira Murati]'' (October 20, 2023)

* I’m a Midwestern Jew. I think that fully explains my exact mental model—very optimistic, and prepared for things to go super wrong at any point.
** As quoted in ''[https://time.com/collection/time100-companies-2023/6284870/openai-disrupters/ OpenAI CEO Sam Altman Is Pushing Past Doubts on Artificial Intelligence]'' (June 21, 2023)

* I’m reasonably optimistic about solving the technical alignment problem. We still have a lot of work to do but you know I feel …better and better over time, not worse and worse.
** As quoted in ''[https://www.searchenginejournal.com/openai-ceo-sam-altman-discusses-ethics-global-scale-of-changes-ai-brings/495991/ OpenAI CEO Sam Altman Discusses Ethics &amp; Global Scale Of Changes AI Brings]'' (September 11, 2023)

* I think what we believe in very strongly, is that keeping the rate of change in the world relatively constant, rather than, say, go build AGI in secret and then deploy it all at once when you’re done, is much better. This idea that people relatively gradually have time to get used to this incredible new thing that is going to transform so much of the world, get a feel for it, have time to update. You know, institutions and people do not update very well overnight. They need to be part of its evolution, to provide critical feedback, to tell us when we’re doing dumb mistakes, to find the areas of great benefit and potential harm, to make our mistakes and learn our lessons when the stakes are lower than they will be in the future. Although we still would like to avoid them as much as we can, of course. And I don’t just mean we, I mean the field as a whole, sort of understanding, as with any new technology, where the tricky parts are going to be..
** As quoted in ''[https://www.jdsupra.com/legalnews/surprising-admissions-by-openai-leaders-4003469/ Surprising Admissions by OpenAI Leaders Made in Recent Interviews]'' (August 8, 2023)

* In a well functioning society, governments would be doing the AGI project and [nuclear] fusion and a whole bunch of things — and yet they’re not. So we either sit around and watch the gradual decline of state capacity and say ‘that’s a bummer’ and we’re just not going to have any more technical progress . . . or you do the next best thing and just build great companies.
** As quoted in ''[https://www.ft.com/content/1d1cb2b3-391c-4dc8-ba5b-fedd379b7fb0 Sam Altman’s vision for AI puts him on collision course with regulators]'' (July 25, 2023)

* Is [AI] gonna be like the printing press that diffused knowledge, power, and learning widely across the landscape that empowered ordinary, everyday individuals that led to greater flourishing, that led above all two greater liberty? Or is it gonna be more like the atom bomb – huge technological breakthrough, but the consequences (severe, terrible) continue to haunt us to this day?
** As quoted in ''[https://www.cnn.com/2023/10/31/tech/sam-altman-ai-risk-taker/index.html Sam Altman warns AI could kill us all. But he still wants the world to use it]'' (October 31, 2023)

* Mitigating the risk of extinction from AI should be a global priority alongside other societal-scale risks such as pandemics and nuclear war.
** As quoted in ''[https://www.cnn.com/2023/10/31/tech/sam-altman-ai-risk-taker/index.html Sam Altman warns AI could kill us all. But he still wants the world to use it]'' (October 31, 2023)

* We face serious risk. We face existential risk. The challenge that the world has is how we’re going to manage those risks and make sure we still get to enjoy those tremendous benefits. No one wants to destroy the world. Let's make sure we come together as a globe — and I hope this place can play a real role in this. We talk about the IAEA as a model where the world has said 'OK, very dangerous technology, let's all put some guard rails.' And I think we can do both. I think in this case, it's a nuanced message 'cause it's saying it's not that dangerous today but it can get dangerous fast. But we can thread that needle.
** As quoted in ''[https://www.euronews.com/next/2023/06/07/openais-sam-altman-calls-for-an-international-agency-like-the-uns-nuclear-watchdog-to-over OpenAI's Sam Altman calls for an international agency like the UN's nuclear watchdog to oversee AI]'' (June 7, 2023)

=== 2024 ===

* I genuinely hope the best for [Elon Musk], in spite of everything.
** [https://deepcast.fm/episode/7320/how-did-kara-scoop-openai-and-more-on-burn-book-with-sam-altman ''How did Kara Scoop OpenAI, and More on Burn Book (with Sam Altman)''], ''On with Kara Swisher podcast'' (March 11th, 2024) in response to Elon Musk lawsuit against OpenAI.

* One area that I'm particularly interested personally in open source for is I want an open source model that is as good as it can be, that runs on my phone, and that I think is going to, you know...the world doesn't quite have the technology for a good version of that yet, but that seems like a really important thing to go do at some point.
** [https://deepcast.fm/episode/20805/in-conversation-with-sam-altman ''In Conversation with Sam Altman''], ''All-In with Chamath, Jason, Sacks &amp; Friedberg podcast'' (May 10th, 2024)

* It is possible that we will have superintelligence in a few thousand days (!); it may take longer, but I’m confident we’ll get there.
** Quoted in Chris Morris,''[https://fortune.com/2024/09/24/sam-altman-ai-superintelligence/ Sam Altman says AI superintelligence could be just ‘a few thousand days’ away]'', ''Fortune'', 24 September 2024

=== 2025 ===

* When bubbles occur, smart people get overly excited about a grain of truth. If you look at most bubbles in history, like the technology bubble, there was something real there. Technology was really important. The internet was really a big thing. People got too excited about it.
** From an interview to ''[[w:The Verge|The Verge]]''. As reported in ''[https://www.corriere.it/economia/innovazione/25_agosto_15/sam-altman-l-intelligenza-artificiale-e-in-una-bolla-speculativa-conseguenze-per-l-economia-a9bcfbed-7cab-401e-a8e9-1d782050dxlk.shtml Corriere della Sera]'', 16 August 2025.

=== 2026 ===

* “AI will probably be the most powerful technology humanity has ever created, and managing its risks responsibly will be crucial.”
** Sam Altman, quoted in BBC News interview, 2025.

* All of these claims are utterly untrue.
** [https://x.com/sama/status/1876780763653263770 statement] issued by Sam Altman and other immediate family members in response to his sister's allegations of abuse, as reported in ''[https://newspapers.com/article/the-indianapolis-star-openai-chief-denie/182241299 The Indianapolis Star]'', [https://cnbc.com/2025/01/07/openais-sam-altman-denies-sexual-abuse-allegations-made-sister-ann.html CNBC],&lt;!--OpenAI's Sam Altman denies sexual abuse allegations made sister, Ann--&gt; [https://bbc.com/news/articles/cz6lq6x2gd9o BBC]&lt;!--OpenAI boss Sam Altman denies sexual abuse allegations made by sister--&gt; and other secondary sources

== Quotes about Altman ==
* You need to understand that Sam can never be trusted. He is a sociopath. He would do anything.
** [[Aaron Swartz]], as recalled by unidentified friends. Quoted in Ronan Farrow and Andrew Marantz, &quot;[https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2026/04/13/sam-altman-may-control-our-future-can-he-be-trusted Sam Altman May Control Our Future—Can He Be Trusted?]&quot; ''New Yorker'' (April 6, 2026)

== External links ==

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[[File:Sokhna Benga 1.jpg|thumb|Sokhna Benga in 2013]]
'''[[W:Sokhna Benga|Sokhna Benga]]''' '''(born 12 December 1967, in Dakar)''' is a Senegalese, an author of novels, scripts, kids' books and play. She was born in 1967 in Dakar. She comes from a Muslim family of six children. Her father is a journalist and her mother a chief cashier. She studied Law at the universities of Dakar and Brest in the early-mid 1990s, specialising in Maritime Law (DESS Droit des activités maritimes). After her sojourn in France, she returned to Dakar where she now lives. After working for three years as Publishing Manager at the Nouvelles Editions Africaines du Sénégal, she is now (2006) Administrator of the Harbour Master's Office, head office of the Senegalese Merchant Service.

==Quotes==
*Art is a way of externalising this that I feel deep inside me that this 
*What is important to me In my work is to exceed my limit to set myself challenges and be able to achieve them
*I'm happy when I finished my novel and seen my family after a good day of very exhausting works 
*I wish Dakar is a clean city much more cultural
**[https://alchetron.com/Sokhna-Benga#Bris-d-ombre-roman-sokhna-benga/Sokhna Benga Novelist]


{{DEFAULTSORT:Benga, Sokhna}}


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'''[[w:Vira Ageyeva|Vira Ageyeva]]''' ('''Ukrainian''': Віра Павлівна Агеєва; born 1958)  is a Ukrainian literary critic and philologist.

== Quotes ==  
* ''На відміну від Петра І, який «прорубав» Російській імперії «вікно» в Європу, Україні цього не потрібно було робити, бо вона вже була Європою. Проте в якийсь момент цей зв'язок був забутий.''
** Translation: Unlike Peter I, who &quot;cut&quot; the Russian Empire's &quot;window&quot; to Europe, Ukraine did not need to do this because it was already Europe. However, at some point, this connection was forgotten.
*** [https://kmbs.ua/en/news/news140423 &quot;People look for identity in literature&quot; 12.04.2023 at kmbs]

== External links== 
{{wikipedia}} 

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'''[[w:Bibi Khanoom Astarabadi|Bibi Khanoom Astarabadi]]''' (1858/59 – 1921) was a notable [[w:Demography of Iran|Iranian]] writer, [[satirist]], and one of the pioneering figures in the women's movement of Iran.

== Quotes ==
* Not every [[man]] is greater than every [[woman]], nor every woman inferior to every man. {{source}}

* But to be fair, in any covenant and time and in any land and place, has it ever happened that someone was told &quot;my darling…&quot; and she replied &quot;shut up&quot;? If a man doesn't say thousands bad words to a woman and doesn't hurt her, that woman won't give an ugly answer even once. {{source}}

== External links ==
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'''Victorius Kingston''' (May 15, 1999 - [[Las Vegas|Las Vegas, Nevada, USA]]) is a writer, model, producer and actor known for movies [https://www.imdb.com/title/tt30316956/ In the Family] and [https://www.imdb.com/title/tt29977916/ Epitaph], and video game [https://www.imdb.com/title/tt29145342/ Black Mamba 2099]. He is also known for his two sentenced horror stories he shares on his [https://www.instagram.com/victoriuskingston/ official Instagram page].

== Quotes ==  
&lt;!-- each quote in this section should be ordered chronologically. --&gt;

* As life flashed before her eyes, she realized she was the problem all along and wasted away all her life hating everybody, thinking they were the problem and that she was so high and mighty. Panicked in regret, she wished she could undo it all, but death already had her hands on her throat, forcing the last breath out of her.
** Victorius Kingston - [https://www.instagram.com/p/C0E2_X7IcBT/ 2 Sentence Horror Stories (25 November 2023)]

* The scarecrow in the field turned its head to follow her as she walked by. It rasped, &quot;You can't escape the harvest.&quot; its stitched smile widening; &quot;Happy halloween&quot;
** Victorius Kingston - [https://www.instagram.com/p/CzE5N0ZrYhG/ 2 Sentence Horror Stories (31 October 2023)]


== External links== 
* [http://www.instagram.com/victoriuskingston/ Victorius Kingston Official Instagram]
* [http://victoriuskingston.com/ Victorius Kingston Official Website]
* [http://www.imdb.com/name/nm15262742/ Victorius Kingston IMDb]

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'''Victorius Kingston''' (May 15, 1999 - [[Las Vegas|Las Vegas, Nevada, USA]]) is a writer, model, producer and actor known for movies [https://www.imdb.com/title/tt30316956/ In the Family] and [https://www.imdb.com/title/tt29977916/ Epitaph], and video game [https://www.imdb.com/title/tt29145342/ Black Mamba 2099]. He is also known for his two sentenced horror stories he shares on his [https://www.instagram.com/victoriuskingston/ official Instagram page].

== Quotes ==  
&lt;!-- each quote in this section should be ordered chronologically. --&gt;

* As life flashed before her eyes, she realized she was the problem all along and wasted away all her life hating everybody, thinking they were the problem and that she was so high and mighty. Panicked in regret, she wished she could undo it all, but death already had her hands on her throat, forcing the last breath out of her.
** Victorius Kingston - [https://www.instagram.com/p/C0E2_X7IcBT/ 2 Sentence Horror Stories (25 November 2023)]

* The scarecrow in the field turned its head to follow her as she walked by. It rasped, &quot;You can't escape the harvest.&quot; its stitched smile widening; &quot;Happy halloween&quot;
** Victorius Kingston - [https://www.instagram.com/p/CzE5N0ZrYhG/ 2 Sentence Horror Stories (31 October 2023)]


== External links== 
* [http://www.instagram.com/victoriuskingston/ Victorius Kingston Official Instagram]
* [http://victoriuskingston.com/ Victorius Kingston Official Website]
* [http://www.imdb.com/name/nm15262742/ Victorius Kingston IMDb]

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    <title>Aline Gahongayire</title>
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      <text bytes="1275" sha1="bog6wiqxvpnlaael14bd6chj4azn99d" xml:space="preserve">Aline Gahongayire (Born December, 12&lt;sup&gt;th&lt;/sup&gt; 1986) is a Rwandan Gospel female 

== Quotes ==

* As we continue to work together as a community, I am confident that our country will continue to grow and prosper in upcoming years. May God always be with us.
** https://www.newtimes.co.rw/article/8765/entertainment/music/vox-pop-celebrities-messages-on-liberation-day The New Times July 05, 2023
*He asked them to take care of those who see them and that there are lives he should not put out
**https://www.igihe.com/imyidagaduro/article/aline-gahongayire-yasubije-abakomeje-kwibaza-niba-atwite (29 December 2022)
*I am called to love, I love everyone
**https://www.igihe.com/imyidagaduro/article/aline-gahongayire-yasubije-abakomeje-kwibaza-niba-atwite&lt;nowiki/&gt;(29 December 2022)
*She instead said people should spend their time wisely, minding their own business instead of inter&lt;nowiki/&gt;fering with her private life.
**[https://www.newtimes.co.rw/article/4217/lifestyle/society/is-it-a-mind-your-own-business-thing-when-its-public Is it a ‘mind your own business’ thing when it’s public?] ''(The NewTimes, January 13, 2023)''

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      <text bytes="1311" sha1="3jx7679q366u58jw1nf9cjh45fqzt7y" xml:space="preserve">Aline Gahongayire (Born December, 12&lt;sup&gt;th&lt;/sup&gt; 1986) is a Rwandan Gospel female 

== Quotes ==

* As we continue to work together as a community, I am confident that our country will continue to grow and prosper in upcoming years. May God always be with us.
** https://www.newtimes.co.rw/article/8765/entertainment/music/vox-pop-celebrities-messages-on-liberation-day The New Times July 05, 2023
*He asked them to take care of those who see them and that there are lives he should not put out
**https://www.igihe.com/imyidagaduro/article/aline-gahongayire-yasubije-abakomeje-kwibaza-niba-atwite (29 December 2022)
*I am called to love, I love everyone
**https://www.igihe.com/imyidagaduro/article/aline-gahongayire-yasubije-abakomeje-kwibaza-niba-atwite&lt;nowiki/&gt;(29 December 2022)
*She instead said people should spend their time wisely, minding their own business instead of inter&lt;nowiki/&gt;fering with her private life.
**[https://www.newtimes.co.rw/article/4217/lifestyle/society/is-it-a-mind-your-own-business-thing-when-its-public Is it a ‘mind your own business’ thing when it’s public?] ''(The NewTimes, January 13, 2023)''

== Ex&lt;nowiki/&gt;ternal links ==
{{Wikipedia}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Gahongayire, Aline}}
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  <page>
    <title>Latifa al-Zayyat</title>
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      <text bytes="3130" sha1="4wkozumfdb03ylxd4vb9cwlqes0s7sn" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Latifa al-Zayyat.jpg|thumb|Latifa al-Zayyat]]
'''[[w:Latifa al-Zayyat|Latifa al-Zayyat]]'''  (8 August 1923 – 10 September 1996) was an [[Egyptians|Egyptian]] activist and writer, most famous for her novel ''[[w:The Open Door (Latifa al-Zayyat novel)|The Open Door]]'', which won the inaugural [[w:Naguib Mahfouz Medal for Literature|Naguib Mahfouz Medal for Literature]].

==Quotes ==
* I love you, and I want you to love me. But I do not want you to lose yourself in me, or in anyone. Nor do I want you to draw your self-confidence and your trust in life from me or from anyone else. I want you to have your own individual, independent self, and the confidence that can only spring from the self, not from others. Then -When you have achieved that - no one will ever be able to crush you.
** [https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/69294.Latifa_Al_Zayyat#:~:text=Latifa%20Al%20Zayyat%20Quotes&amp;text=I%20want%20you%20to%20have,be%20able%20to%20crush%20you.&amp;text=There%20had%20been%20a%20time,with%20a%20touch%20of%20disdain.]

* There had been a time when she had regarded Gamila with a touch of disdain. She had considered herself stronger than Gamila, than her aunt, than her father - and stronger than their beliefs, their rules , their traditions. She had laughed with a certain superiority when her mother had said, 'The one who knows the fundamentals does not suffer.' Yes, she had existed for a time in the shadow of this silly illusion. But in truth it was she who was silly, trivial, conceited, and despicable. She was the doormat beneath people's soles.
** [https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/69294.Latifa_Al_Zayyat#:~:text=Latifa%20Al%20Zayyat%20Quotes&amp;text=I%20want%20you%20to%20have,be%20able%20to%20crush%20you.&amp;text=There%20had%20been%20a%20time,with%20a%20touch%20of%20disdain.]

* In the novel, I aimed at crystallizing three levels of significance. The first one deals with the development of the female protagonist, and its related to the second which deals with developments in Egypt at that period. As for the third level, it incorporates a commentary on the values of the middle class and its practices and how they prevent the country from a take off.
** [https://clairemcalpine.com/2018/08/19/the-open-door-by-latifa-al-zayyat-tr-marilyn-booth-witmonth/]

* I trembled with feelings of powerlessness, of misery, of oppression, as the bullets of the police killed fourteen demonstrators that day. I screamed for my inability to act, I screamed for my inability to go down to the street to stop the bullets from coming out of the black guns. I shed the child in me and the young woman came of age — prematurely — for I encountered knowledge that went beyond the home to include all of the homeland. My future fate was decided at that moment.
** [https://arablit.org/2020/08/08/on-latifa-al-zayyat-day-her-laughter-brought-me-up-short/]

==External links==
{{Wikipedia}}

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    <title>Anyte of Tegea</title>
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      <text bytes="4730" sha1="gl0483fsytikhvrbd39eselhle78ilk" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Anyte of Tegea|Anyte of Tegea]]''' (fl. c. 300 BC) was a Greek poetess from {{w|Tegea}} in [[w:Arcadia (region)|Arcadia]]. Little is known of her life, but twenty-four epigrams attributed to her are preserved in the ''{{w|Greek Anthology}}'', and one is quoted by {{w|Julius Pollux}}. She introduced rural themes to the genre, which became a standard theme in Hellenistic epigram. She is one of the nine outstanding ancient women poets listed by {{w|Antipater of Thessalonica}}. Her pastoral poetry may have influenced [[Theocritus]], and her works were adapted by several later poets, including [[Ovid]].

== Quotes ==

* Ἡνία δή τοι παῖδες ἐνί, τράγε, φοινικόεντα&lt;/br&gt;θέντες καὶ λασίῳ φιμὰ περὶ στόματι,&lt;/br&gt;ἵππια παιδεύουσι θεοῦ περὶ ναὸν ἄεθλα,&lt;/br&gt;ὄφρ᾽ αὐτοὺς ἐφορῇ νήπια τερπομένους.
** Red reins, O Goat, these boys have set about&lt;/br&gt;Thy neck, a muzzle on thy shaggy snout,&lt;/br&gt;And round God’s temple ply their mimic race,&lt;/br&gt;That he may look on them with kindly face. 
*** ''Anthologia Palatina'', vi, 312, as translated by W. H. D. Rouse, ''An Echo of Greek Song'' (1899), &quot;The Goat&quot;

* Οὐκέτι δὴ πλωτοῖσιν ἀγαλλόμενος πελάγεσσιν&lt;/br&gt;αὐχέν᾽ ἀναρρίψω βυσσόθεν ὀρνύμενος,&lt;/br&gt;οὐδὲ περὶ σκαλάμοισι νεὼς περικαλλέα χείλη&lt;/br&gt;ποιφύσσω, τἀμᾷ τερπόμενος προτομᾷ:&lt;/br&gt;ἀλλά με πορφυρέα πόντου νοτὶς ὦς᾽ ἐπὶ χέρσον,&lt;/br&gt;κεῖμαι δὲ ῥαδινὰν τάνδε παρ᾽ ἠιόνα.
** No more exulting o'er the buoyant sea&lt;/br&gt;High shall I raise my head in gambols free;&lt;/br&gt;Nor by some gallant ship breathe out the air,&lt;/br&gt;Pleas'd with my own bright image figur'd there.&lt;/br&gt;The storm's black mist has forc'd me to the land,&lt;/br&gt;And laid me lifeless on this couch of sand.
** ''Anthologia Palatina'', vii, 215, as translated by Francis Hodgson, in Robert Bland, et al. [https://archive.org/details/collectionsfromg00blan/page/116/mode/2up ''Collections from the Greek Anthology''], new ed. (1833), &quot;On a Dolphin cast ashore&quot;

* ἵζευ ἅπας ὑπὸ καλὰ δάφνας εὐθαλέα φύλλα,&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;ὡραίου τ᾽ ἄρυσαι νάματος ἁδὺ πόμα,&lt;br&gt;ὄφρα τοι ἀσθμαίνοντα πόνοις θέρεος φίλα γυῖα&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;ἀμπαύσῃς, πνοιῇ τυπτόμενα Ζεφύρου.
** Sit all beneath fair leaves of spreading bay,&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;And draw sweet water from a timely spring,&lt;br&gt;And let your breathless limbs, this summer day,&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;Rest, in the west wind’s airy buffeting.
** ''Anthologia Palatina'', ix, 313, as translated by [[Robert Allason Furness]], ''Translations from the Greek Anthology'' (1931), &quot;Under a Laurel&quot;

* Ἑρμᾶς τᾶιδ᾽ ἕστακα παρ᾽ ὄρχατον ἠνεμόεντα&lt;/br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;ἐν τριόδοις πολιᾶς ἐγγύθεν ἀιόνος,&lt;/br&gt;ἀνράσι κεκμηῶσιν ἔχων ἄμπαυσιν ὁδοῖο·&lt;/br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;ψυχρὸν δ᾽ ἀχραὲς κράνα ὑποπροχέει.
** I, Hermes, by the grey sea-shore,&lt;/br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;Set where the three roads meet,&lt;/br&gt;Outside the wind-swept garden,&lt;/br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;Give rest to weary feet;&lt;/br&gt;The waters of my fountain&lt;/br&gt;Are clear, and cool, and sweet.
** ''Anthologia Palatina'', ix, 314, as translated by J. R. Rodd, ''Love, Worship and Death'' (1916), &quot;The God of the Cross-Roads&quot;

* Θάεο τὸν Βρομίου κεραὸν τράγον, ὡς ἀγερώχως&lt;/br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;ὄμμα κατὰ λασιᾶν γαῦρον ἔχει γενύων,&lt;/br&gt;κυδιόων ὅτι οἱ θάμ᾽ ἐν οὔρεσιν ἀμφὶ παρῇδα&lt;/br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;βόστρυχον εἰς ῥοδέαν Ναῒς ἔδεκτο χέρα.
** You see with what a roguish eye and self-complacent mien&lt;/br&gt;Yon horned goat of Bromios surveys his shaggy chin.&lt;/br&gt;He is proud to know those bearded cheeks have oft-times been caressed&lt;/br&gt;By the Naiad’s rosy fingers who haunts the mountain crest.
** ''Anthologia Palatina'', ix, 745, as translated by J. R. Rodd, ''Love, Worship and Death'' (1916), &quot;The Goat&quot;

== External links==
{{Wikipedia}}
* [https://www.attalus.org/poetry/anyte.html &quot;Anyte: Epigrams&quot;], ''Attalus'' (26 February 2018)

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      <text bytes="12400" sha1="jxkhfidnslowoo0mhqd03o37p35uuus" xml:space="preserve">[[File:RamsesIIEgypt.jpg|thumb|King of Kings am I, Osymandyas. If anyone would know how great I am and where I lie, let him surpass one of my works.]]

'''[[W:Ramesses II|Ramesses II]]''' (c. 1303 – 1213 BC), commonly known as '''Ramesses the Great''', was an [[w:Pharaoh|Egyptian pharaoh]]. He was the third ruler of the [[w:Nineteenth Dynasty of Egypt|Nineteenth Dynasty]]. Along with [[w:Thutmose III|Thutmose III]] of the [[w:Eighteenth Dynasty of Egypt|Eighteenth Dynasty]], he is often regarded as the greatest, most celebrated, and most powerful pharaoh of the [[w:New Kingdom of Egypt|New Kingdom]], which itself was the most powerful period of [[w:ancient Egypt|ancient Egypt]]. He is also widely considered one of ancient Egypt's most successful warrior pharaohs, conducting no fewer than 15 military campaigns, all resulting in victories, excluding the [[w:Battle of Kadesh|Battle of Kadesh]], generally considered a stalemate. In Greek sources he is often called '''[[W:Sesostris|Sesostris]]''' or '''Ozymandias'''.

== Inscriptions ==
;The Asiatic War
;;Official Record of the Battle of Kadesh
[[File:The great Sesostris (Rameses II) in the Battle of Khadesh.jpg|thumb| I did it in truth, in the presence of my infantry and my chariotry.]]
* Lo, while his majesty sat talking with the princes, the vanquished chief of [[W:Hittites|Kheta]] came and the numerous countries, which were with him. They crossed over the channel on the south of Kadesh, and charged into the army of his majesty while they were marching, and not expecting it. Then the infantry and chariotry of his majesty retreated before them, northward to the place where his majesty was. Lo, the foes of the vanquished chief of Kheta surrounded the bodyguard of his majesty, who were by his side.
** [The Attack of the Asiatics]
* When his majesty saw them, he was enraged against them, like his father, Montu, lord of Thebes. He seized the adornments of battle, and arrayed himself in his coat of mail. He was like Baal in his hour. Then he betook himself to his horses, and led quickly on, being alone by himself. He charged into the foes of the vanquished chief of Kheta, and the numerous countries which were with him. His majesty was like Sutekh, the great in strength, smiting and slaying among them; his majesty hurled them headlong, one upon another into the water of the [[w:Orontes River|Orontes]].
** [Ramses' Personal Attack]
* &quot;I charged all countries, while I was alone, my infantry and my chariotry having forsaken me. Not one among them stood to turn about. I swear, as Re loves me, as my father, Atum, favors me, that, as for every matter which his majesty has stated, I did it in truth, in the presence of my infantry and my chariotry.&quot;
** [Ramses' Own Statement]
;Building Inscriptions
;;The Ramesseum
[[File:Thèbes. Memnonium (Ramesseum). Vue perspective l'intérieur coloriée du temple de l'ouest (NYPL b14212718-1267967) (cropped).jpg|thumb|Great flower columns, surrounded by bud-columns.]]
* Ramses II; he made (it) as his monument for his father, Amon-Re, making for him a great and august broad-hall of fine white sandstone, its nave of great flower-columns, surrounded by bud-columns: a place of rest for the lord of gods at his beautiful &quot;Feast of the Valley&quot;; that he might, through him, be given life ——— shaping his sacred barque like the horizon-god, founding daily offerings, doing the things which please his father, causing that his house should be for him like Thebes, supplied with every good thing, granaries reaching heaven, an august treasury containing silver, gold, royal linen, every real costly stone, which King Ramses II brought for him.
** [Dedication on the architraves of the Ramesseum]

== Greek sources ==
* This king, said the priests, set out with a fleet of long ships​ from the Arabian Gulf and subdued all the dwellers by the Red Sea, till as he sailed on he came to a sea which was too shallow for his vessels. After returning thence back to Egypt, he gathered a great army (according to the story of the priests) and marched over the mainland, subduing every nation to which he came. When those that he met were valiant men and strove hard for freedom, he set up pillars in their land whereon the inscription showed his own name and his country's, and how he had overcome them with his own power; but when the cities had made no resistance and been easily taken, then he put an inscription on the pillars even as he had done where the nations were brave; but he drew also on them the [[female genitalia|privy parts of a woman]], wishing to show clearly that the people were cowardly.
* He marched over the country doing this until he had crossed over from Asia to Europe and defeated the [[Scythians]] and Thracians. Thus far and no farther, I think, the Egyptian army went; for the pillars can be seen standing in their country, but in none beyond it. From there, he turned around and went back home; and when he came to the Phasis river, that King, Sesostris, may have detached some part of his army and left it there to live in the country (for I cannot speak with exact knowledge), or it may be that some of his soldiers grew weary of his wanderings, and stayed by the Phasis.
* Now when this Egyptian Sesostris (so the priests said) reached Daphnae of Pelusium on his way home, leading many captives from the peoples whose lands he had subjugated, his brother, whom he had left in charge in Egypt, invited him and his sons to a banquet and then piled wood around the house and set it on fire. When Sesostris was aware of this, he at once consulted his wife, whom (it was said) he had with him; and she advised him to lay two of his six sons on the fire and make a bridge over the burning so that they could walk over the bodies of the two and escape. This Sesostris did; two of his sons were thus burnt but the rest escaped alive with their father.
* This king also (they said) divided the country among all the Egyptians by giving each an equal parcel of land, and made this his source of revenue, assessing the payment of a yearly tax. And any man who was robbed by the river of part of his land could come to Sesostris and declare what had happened; then the king would send men to look into it and calculate the part by which the land was diminished, so that thereafter it should pay in proportion to the tax originally imposed. From this, in my opinion, the Greeks learned the art of measuring land; ...
* Sesostris was the only Egyptian king who also ruled Ethiopia. To commemorate his name, he set before the temple of Hephaestus two stone statues of himself and his wife, each thirty cubits high, and statues of his four sons, each of twenty cubits. Long afterwards Darius the Persian would have set up his statue before these; but the priest of Hephaestus forbade him, saying that he had achieved nothing equal to the deeds of Sesostris the Egyptian; for Sesostris (he said) had subdued the Scythians, besides as many other nations as Darius had conquered, and Darius had not been able to overcome the Scythians; therefore it was not just that Darius should set his statue before the statues of Sesostris, whose achievements he had not equalled. Darius, it is said, let the priest have his way.
** [[Herodotus]], ''Histories'' 2. 102, 103, 107, 109, 110. Translated by A. D. Godley (1922–1925)

* Ten stades from the first tombs, he says, in which, according to tradition, are buried the concubines of Zeus, stands a monument of the king known as Osymandyas.​ At its entrance there is a pylon, constructed of variegated stone, two plethra in breadth and forty-five cubits high; passing through this one enters a rectangular peristyle, built of stone, four plethra long on each side; it is supported, in place of pillars, by monolithic figures sixteen cubits high, wrought in the ancient manner as to shape; and the entire ceiling, which is two fathoms wide, consists of a single stone, which is highly decorated with stars on a blue field. Beyond this peristyle there is yet another entrance and pylon, in every respect like the one mentioned before, save that it is more richly wrought with every manner of relief; beside the entrance are three statues, each of a single block of black stone from Syene, of which one, that is seated, is the largest of any in Egypt,​ the foot measuring over seven cubits, while the other two at the knees of this, the one on the right and the other on the left, daughter and mother respectively, are smaller than the one first mentioned. And it is not merely for its size that this work merits approbation, but it is also marvellous by reason of its artistic quality and excellent because of the nature of the stone, since in a block of so great a size there is not a single crack or blemish to be seen. The inscription upon it runs: &quot;'''King of Kings am I, Osymandyas. If anyone would know how great I am and where I lie, let him surpass one of my works.'''&quot; There is also another statue of his mother standing alone, a monolith twenty cubits high, and it has three diadems on its head, signifying that she was both daughter and wife and mother of a king.
** Diodorus Siculus, ''[https://penelope.uchicago.edu/Thayer/E/Roman/Texts/Diodorus_Siculus/1C*.html Bibliotheca Historica]'', 1. 47. Translated by C. H. Oldfather (1933)

== Legacy ==
[[File:British Museum, Fujifilm - 51798296830.jpg|thumb|... whose frown, / And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command ...]]
[[File:SFEC AEH -ThebesNecropolis-2010-RamsesII-021.jpg|thumb|Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!]]
* I met a traveller from an antique land&lt;br&gt;Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone&lt;br&gt;Stand in the desert . . . near them, on the sand,&lt;br&gt;Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown,&lt;br&gt;And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,&lt;br&gt;Tell that its sculptor well those passions read&lt;br&gt;Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,&lt;br&gt;The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed;&lt;br&gt;And on the pedestal these words appear:&lt;br&gt;‘My name is Ozymandias, king of kings;&lt;br&gt;Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!’&lt;br&gt;Nothing beside remains. Round the decay&lt;br&gt;Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare&lt;br&gt;The lone and level sands stretch far away.
** [[Percy Bysshe Shelley|P. B. Shelley]], &quot;Ozymandias&quot;, ''The Examiner'' (11 January 1818)
[[File:Fragments of the large statues of Memnon at the Memnonium, E Wellcome V0049327.jpg|thumb|... this mighty City shows / The wonders of my hand.]]
* In Egypt’s sandy silence, all alone,&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;Stands a gigantic Leg, which far off throws&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;The only shadow that the Desert knows:—&lt;br&gt;“I am great Oᴢʏᴍᴀɴᴅɪᴀs,” saith the stone,&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;“The King of Kings; this mighty City shows&lt;br&gt;The wonders of my hand.”—The City’s gone,—&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;Naught but the Leg remaining to disclose&lt;br&gt;The site of this forgotten Babylon.&lt;br&gt;We wonder,—and some Hunter may express&lt;br&gt;Wonder like ours, when thro’ the wilderness&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;Where London stood, holding the Wolf in chace,&lt;br&gt;He meets some fragment huge, and stops to guess&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;What powerful but unrecorded race&lt;br&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;Once dwelt in that annihilated place.
** Horace Smith, ''The Examiner'' (1 February 1818); &quot;On A Stupendous Leg of Granite, Discovered Standing by Itself in the Deserts of Egypt, with the Inscription Inserted Below&quot;, ''Amarynthus, &amp;c.'' (1821)

== Mummy ==
* On the temples there are a few sparse hairs, but at the poll the hair is quite thick, forming smooth, straight locks about five centimeters in length. White at the time of death, and possibly auburn during life, they have been dyed a light red by the spices (henna) used in embalming ... the moustache and beard are thin. ... The hairs are white, like those of the head and eyebrows ... the skin is of earthy brown, splotched with black ... the face of the mummy gives a fair idea of the face of the living king.
** Gaston Maspero, ''Egyptian Archaeology'' (1892), pp. 76–77.

== Sources ==
* Breasted, J. H. (1906). [https://archive.org/details/BreastedJ.H.AncientRecordsEgyptAll5Vols1906/page/n995/mode/2up?view=theater ''Ancient Records of Egypt'']. Vol. 3. University of Chicago Press.

== External links ==
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[[Category:Monarchs from Egypt]]
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    <title>Claribel Alegría</title>
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      <text bytes="9879" sha1="r8svz0g1o727fkwgkichm8qj31nr4w0" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Claribel Alegría|Clara Isabel Alegría Vides]]'''  (May 12, 1924 – January 25, 2018), also known by her pseudonym '''Claribel Alegría''', was a Nicaraguan-Salvadoran poet, essayist, novelist, and journalist who was a major voice in the literature of contemporary Central America. She was awarded the 2006 [[w:Neustadt International Prize for Literature|Neustadt International Prize for Literature]]. 

== Quotes ==  
*The art and the reality is very difficult sometimes to reconcile, but also I don’t think that the poet have to be in an ivory tower just thinking beautiful thoughts, you know, when there are so much horrible in — ‘mid you, you know, outside you. And then I think you have to go and look at that and feel it and suffer with the others and make that suffering useful.
**[https://billmoyers.com/content/some-can-sing-claribel-alegria-robert-haas-carolyn-forche/ Interview] (1995)

===[https://www.ccts.cme.uab.edu/cas/englishpublications/bpr/archive/bpr-44-2017/interview-with-claribel-alegria Interview] (2017)===
*I am so grateful for [[poetry]]...Poetry sustains us.

*poetry to me is something sacred. If you want to be a poet, it’s very difficult. You have to listen to that voice, follow that voice. Never put poetry to the service of anything. No! We are at the service of poetry, and you have to read a lot to feed off of other poets. You have to get fed by other poets, to write all the time, even if it’s one line a day. You have to be disciplined and humble.

*Before we are poets we are human beings, and we do have compromises as human beings. You get horrified at the injustices, at the violence, at all of the terrible things happening in all of the world. And that is reflected in your poetry, because it has touched you very deeply. But you are not putting your poetry in the service of politics.

*It’s wonderful to read what we have now, fantastic, but don’t forget the classics. They have all the riches in the world, and they help us a lot.

===[https://www.worldliteraturetoday.org/blog/news-and-events/sword-poetry-claribel-alegria-1924-2018 speech] (2006)===
Translation from the Spanish by David Draper Clark

*In essence, all poets contribute to writing the great endless poem.

*Words are sensual. They seduce us and spark our imagination, but they also express intelligence and logic in constructing towers of ideals and culture.

*The poet celebrates humankind, the universe, and the creator of the universe. It is impossible for one to remain indifferent to the turbulence that our planet and its inhabitants suffer through: war, hunger, earthquakes, misery, racism, violence, xenophobia, deforestation, AIDS, and childhood affliction, among others. In the region from which I come, Central America, we love poetry, and at times we use it to denounce what is happening around us. There are many fine testimonial poems. The poet, especially where I’m from, cannot and should not remain in an ivory tower.

*Among my generation in Central America, women of the leisure class had the option of marrying or controlling their husband’s purse strings or of remaining chaste and virtuous, baking cakes for their nieces and nephews.

*Quite often I have used my poetry as a sword, and I have brandished it against my internal and external demons.

===[https://bombmagazine.org/articles/claribel-alegr%C3%ADa/ Interview] with ''Bomb Magazine'' (2000)===
*I belong to this fantastic tribe, the Mayan, the Aztecs. I am proud of my Indian background. Chichen Itza in Mexico had one of the first observatories, how many years ago? Bud used to say, “Look, this is as good as the one we have in Mount Palomar.” The richness of this civilization is still not recognized, but I think it will be.

*I came before the boom. I consider them my friends, yes, but I am not part of the boom...Culturally speaking, I belong to that generation, the generation of [[Cortázar]] or [[Benedetti]], or [[Vargas Llosa]] or [[Carlos Fuentes]].

*Times were both wonderful and terrible. You were fighting all the time, you were really thinking the country was going to have a fantastic revolution and that things were going to change for the poor. You were utopic, and so very deeply into that, that you didn’t have much time to look deeper into your psyche, or your culture. 

*I talked about what had happened in my country and the horrible assassination of Monsignor Romero. And soon after that, my cousin, Vides Casanova, then Minister of Defense, sent word that I should never come back to El Salvador, otherwise, he would not be responsible for what happened to me. That was a forced exile. I did not go back for 11 years.

*I will tell you one anecdote that was shattering to me: Right after the peace agreements Bud and I went to El Salvador and I wanted to go to Guasapa—one of the guerilla strongholds. I met an old lady there who said to me with tears in her eyes, “So why all of these wars? I lost my husband, I lost two of my children, I lost my son-in-law, for what?” I cried with her. I didn’t know what to tell her. As you said, she was wounded. That’s why people don’t want to talk about it. But this refusal to speak about it is transitory. Sooner or later we have to face it. We have to reach inside ourselves, and inside our people, too. It’s a lot of work, but something great is going to come from it. Maybe I will not be alive to see it.

*I was a child, seven years old, when the 1932 massacre began. I carried it with me as a terrible wound. It wasn’t until years later that I decided to write Ashes of Izalcowith Bud in order to exercise myself from that time. Martinez won and he stayed in power until 1944 when our people ousted him. And then more dictators and more dictators until, we thought, This is it! We are going to be free. Look—we didn’t even win the revolution. Maybe I am stupid, because I am utopic, but I don’t think El Salvador will be the same even though our revolution didn’t win. The people aren’t going to be the same anymore. Something has happened. When I was writing Don’t Take Me Alive I interviewed many peasant women who told me they were never going to be as they were before. Now they know how to read and write, they know they are not inferior to men, they have done beautiful things right there with the guerrillas. It’s a step forward, and will help the other generations. I don’t think everything is lost. I don’t think El Salvador and Nicaragua are going to be what they were 20 years or 30 years ago.

*What do I hope for this next century? That the human race thinks deeply and puts aside hate, that we end all discrimination. 

*I would love Central America to be one country. We are the same everywhere. We belong to this beautiful cosmic race and it is the cosmic race that is going to reign in this next century. It is the mixture of races that is so beautiful...We have to accept each other, if we mix fantastic. Why not? Not to make you marry someone that is not of your race; but if you want to, so what? I believe in the mixture. All of us have a gift to give. All of us.

*I hope we go back into our Indian roots in the next century, bring them to the surface, study them. There is only an elite that knows of the great richness and wisdom in the Popol Vuh (The Book of the Dawn of Life), we are going to get as much from this as we do from our Spanish heritage.

*many more people know more about ''El Quijote'' than about the ''Popol Vuh''. Why? Because the Spaniards destroyed so much.

*For me, Spanish is one of the greatest heritages the Spaniards gave us, I adore my Spanish language. It would not be honest if I were to start writing in Nahuatl. I was born with the Spanish language; I was fed by the Spanish language. I could not write in any other language, Spanish is my mother language—I think in Spanish. When I am mad, no matter where I am—I would express myself in Spanish. (laughter) I would really like to study Nahuatl and I haven’t, which is my fault; it’s a beautiful language, but I could not incorporate it; I would not write in Nahuatl. But I would like our children to learn from this other richness of ours and take advantage of it. We have always submerged the Indian.

== Quotes about ==
*Hers was sometimes a blunt vision, as in “Documentary,” a poem about El Salvador that includes these lines: &quot;Besides the coffee/They plant angels/In my country./A chorus of children/And women/With the small white coffin/Move politely aside/As the harvest passes by.&quot; “I wrote that poem a long time ago, and some people said it was a political poem,” she told [[Bill Moyers]] for his book “The Language of Life: A Festival of Poets” (1995). “I laughed. To me it was a love poem for my country, and I wanted everybody to come and see what I was seeing. I wanted them to see why it was such a desperate situation.”
**Neil Genzlinger, [https://www.nytimes.com/2018/02/06/obituaries/claribel-alegra-central-american-poet-dies.html ''New York Times'' obituary] (2018)

*She has been an indefatigable advocate for human rights throughout her life, and her work has made an impact around the world because she has unfailingly spoken up for justice and liberty . . . becoming a voice for the voiceless and the dispossessed.
**[[Daisy Zamora]] [https://www.neustadtprize.org/2006-neustadt-prize-laureate-claribel-alegria/ (2007)]

== External links== 
{{wikipedia}} &lt;!-- OPTIONAL --&gt;
*[https://poets.org/poet/claribel-alegria poets.org page]

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    <title>The Garfield Movie</title>
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'''''{{w|The Garfield Movie}}''''' is a [[w:2024 in film|2024]] American animated [[w:Adventure film|adventure]] [[w:Comedy film|comedy film]] based on [[w:Jim Davis (cartoonist)|Jim Davis]]' [[Garfield|comic strip of the same name]] and released by Columbia Pictures. In this film, Garfield has an unexpected reunion with his long-lost father, a scruffy street cat who draws him into a high-stakes heist. It was the last Garfield film distributed by the non-Paramount company, due to the fact that the Garfield franchise was acquired by Paramount Global in 2019.
:''Directed by {{w|Mark Dindal}}. Written by Paul A. Kaplan, Mark Torgove and [[w:David Reynolds (screenwriter)|David Reynolds]].''

== Dialogue ==
:''[The scene starts off on a phone screen, showing an image of Garfield, a frowning orange tabby cat, and his owner, Jon Arbuckle, wearing sweaters with their faces on them.]''
:'''Garfield''': ''[first lines; offscreen]'' OK, it's time to eat. ''[types in the password 061978 on the phone, unlocking it]'' Let's see, open the app. ''[opens the Mamma Leoni’s app to make his order]'' I’m gonna get a double pepperoni pizza, uh, an order of breadsticks, and...Well, lasagna. Yeah. Ooh! A new item alert? Jalapeño breadstick quick bites. Huh. It might be nice to add something in the salad family. And do I want dessert? Oooh! ''[chuckles]'' I’m gonna be naughty! Butterscotch budino. OK, I’m gonna have five. ''[The app screen slides to the side to show the orange tabby cat himself.]'' Delivery? Goes without saying...''[hits NOW]'' now, please. 
:'''Mamma Leoni's App''': Mama mia! 
:'''Garfield''': Alright. That oughta hold me 'til breakfast. ''[notices the audience]'' Oh, hey! Are you guys early or am I late? No matter. I have got a real treat for you today. ''[Odie, a yellow dog with brown ears, jumps and barks excitedly]'' No, not a treat for you. ''[Odie whines sadly; sighs]'' OK. ''[He gives Odie a biscuit and he eats it before licking him happily, much to his disgust]'' Anyway, about that treat...''[pushes Odie down]'' Can I just say, you will not be disappointed. ''[laughs]'' It’s a story about me...''[the doorbell rings]''...that no one’s ever heard before featuring someone in my life you’ve never met. I don’t know about you, but color me intrigued. ''[A drone enters the house, delivering Garfield’s order.]'' Oh ho yeah! Drone delivery. Welcome to the future. ''[opens the box for his double pepperoni pizza]'' You know, to really understand everything, I’m gonna have to take you back to where it all began. ''[notices a small basil on his pizza]'' Don’t want anything to take away from the flavor of cheese. ''[flicks it off, stretches his mouth open, places the pizza in, and munches down]'' And like every great story, it all started... ''[He moves his mouth in a sucking position near his drink. Odie tips the cup to Garfield’s mouth and the cat sips his drink]'' ...on a dark and stormy night. 
:''[Odie holds up a cardboard thunderstorm cloud and mimics thunder and lightning. Cut to black. In a flashback, a silhouetted cat looks over at something.]''
:'''Silhouetted cat''': Wait here, Junior. I'll be right back.
:''[Garfield, as a kitten, looks up at the silhouetted cat, who walks away, then hides. Garfield, sitting in a crate, reaches out with his little paws as if motioning for the cat to not leave him. Moments later, rain pours. Garfield looks over the side, seeing that the cat isn't coming back. He jumps back in fear as he hears various noises, then covers his face protectively. Suddenly, he sniffs the air, then spots an Italian restaurant called Mamma Leoni’s across the street. Garfield watches as Vito, through the window, holding two steaming pizzas on trays. Jon sits alone on a table. Garfield glances over the path where the cat went, then runs out of the crate. He crosses the street towards the restaurant as three cars pass by, narrowly missing him. Reaching the window, Garfield sniffs the air again. Inside, Jon sits at his table as Vito serves him pepperoni pizza. Grabbing a slice, he sees one family playing Heads Up on their phone.]''
:'''Girl''': Open wide, Jake.
:''[A girl feeds her brother, Jake, a meatball. Jon smiles, then frowns and sighs sadly. He sets his head on his hand. He opens his mouth to take a bite of the slice, then gets startled when a thud is heard. Garfield, with his face pressed against the window, stares at the pizza, then pulls it back as Jon stares at him]''
:'''Jon''': Aww! ''[leans in, then holds out a finger]'' Hi there, little buddy! Hi! ''[Garfield paws at his finger, then looks over at the pizza and licks the glass. Jon glances over to see no one coming, then secretly opens the window to let Garfield in. Garfield, despite his small size, hops into his hand. As the duo stare at each other, Garfield licks his cheek as Jon chuckles, then rubs his back on his chin while purring. Jon sets his little friend on the table beside the pizza]'' Are you hungry, little guy? ''[As Garfield nods in agreement, Jon feeds him a pepperoni, then chuckles and offers another]'' Do you want a little more? ''[Suddenly, Garfield quickly eats the entire pizza, then the slice that Jon was about to eat, then finally eats the pepperoni]'' Whoa! You ''are'' a hungry little guy. ''[sees Vito coming, then grabs a menu, hiding Garfield behind it]''
:'''Vito''': That was a quick dinner, ''Signore'' Jon. You must’ve been very hungry. ''[chuckles as Garfield peeks out from under Jon's wrist, but Jon himself pushes him back behind the menu]'' Can I bring you anything else?
:'''Jon''': Uh, yes. ''[looks at the menu as Garfield rubs his paw on a picture of a single piece of lasagna]''
:'''Musician''': ''[offscreen]'' ''Grazie''! ''Grazie''! Thank you very much!
:'''Jon''': Some...lasagna?
:'''Vito''': ''Si''. Lasagna for one.
:'''Jon''': Uh, yeah. ''[looks at the menu again as Garfield points to a picture of a 6-piece family-styled lasagna]'' You know what? No. Uh, make it family-style.
:'''Vito''': Very good.
:'''Jon''': ''[as Vito walks away]'' To go, please, Vito.
:'''Musician''': ''[offscreen]'' Okay! Everybody! You all know this one!
:'''Jon''': ''[lifts the menu to find Garfield gone]'' Huh? What? Where'd he go? ''[he spots Garfield slurping spaghetti and meatballs as a birthday party commences]''
:'''Patrons''': ''[offscreen]'' Hey!
:'''Musician''': ''[offscreen]'' Stand up and sing. Join us.
:'''Jon''': Oh, no! ''[&quot;Tarantella Napoletana&quot; plays as he moves through the crowd.]'' Oh, no. Excuse me. Pardon me. ''[moves under another table, and tries to grab Garfield, but finds marinara sauce on his fingers. He notices Garfield eating cookies. As he goes to eat a slice of pizza, Jon grabs him, still on the plate, and hides him behind his back as Vito walks by with a big birthday cake. Once Vito is gone, Jon pulls out the plate from behind his back, but once again, Garfield has disappeared. He spots him walking through the birthday cake with a big bite on it. Jon scrambles on all fours to search for him]''
:'''Maria''': ''[offscreen]'' Jon! Take-out for Jon! ''[As Jon looks around, Maria comes in with a to-go box for Jon]'' Your take-out is ready, ''Signore'' Jon.
:'''Jon''': Yes.
:'''Maria''': One ''familia''-style lasagna to go! ''[opens the box, revealing Garfield eating on the top middle of the family-style lasagna]'' You eat alone too much, Jon.
:'''Jon''': Yeah.
:'''Maria''': You should get on the dating apps.
:'''Jon''': No, I'm good, thanks.
:'''Maria''': There's Bumble, Tinder, Gluten-Free Singles...
:'''Jon''': Oh, really?
:'''Maria''': Hot Sauce Passions.
:'''Jon''': No, I could never.
:'''Maria''': And you should spend serious money on premium memberships.
:'''Jon''': Bye! ''[quickly leaves the restaurant, and the lid pops open, with Garfield still in the box]'' Huh? Oh, hey. ''[chuckles as he sets the box down on the ground, and puts Garfield on the lid]'' Well, that was an interesting dinner… that you had. Well, I guess, um...this is where we say goodbye. ''[Garfield cocks his head]'' Oh, you’re really cute, but I can’t have pets in my apartment. So...I’ll see you around, OK? Go on. ''[As Garfield sniffles sadly, he cries, shedding a lot of tears]'' Oh, no. No, no, no, don’t cry. Don’t cry. ''[The tears make a river that leads to a storm drain. Garfield waves goodbye to him]'' Oh. Oh! No, no, no, no, no! No! Oh, no! Oh, no! ''[scrambles toward Garfield, and grabs him, just as the box enters the storm drain. He then stands up while holding the tiny pint-sized kitten in both hands]'' You don’t have a home, do you?
:''[Garfield looks away sadly as if to say, &quot;No.&quot;, then he stares at Jon, blinking his big green eyes. Jon smiles, and so does Garfield, who kisses him on the nose. Jon smiles as he nuzzles his little friend. Garfield pulls the screen up, bringing us back to the present while eating some breadsticks.]''
:'''Garfield''': And that's how I adopted Jon.
:''[Odie facepalms and brings down the screen to show the title card of the film]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[We then cut to a little house in the suburbs.]''
:'''Garfield''': ''[voiceover]'' So I moved Jon out of his apartment to this nice, little two-bed, two-bath in the suburbs. ''[We see a time passage of Jon putting down pet stuff while Garfield eats pizza, voiceover]'' As soon as he understood the ground rules, well, let’s just say, we were living the dream. ''[Cut to Garfield riding through the wind, voiceover]'' And once we were settled in, I even let Jon get a pet. ''[Zoom out to see him riding on top of Odie, as a puppy. They run around the house while Jon reads “The Great Catsby.” Then, they ride atop a robotic vacuum with Garfield drinking from a cup and Odie gnawing on a bone. Cut to Young Garfield pulling down the table covers to bring down two glass cookie jars. Garfield ends up inside one while Odie’s head is in another, voiceover]'' Odie, became my most trusted ally. He was kind, gentle, and most importantly, my unpaid intern. ''[Odie bounces on Garfield’s tummy and steals a burger from Jon. Garfield removes the lettuce, and eats the burger before giving the lettuce to Odie, who looks at the viewers as if saying, &quot;Seriously?&quot;. Later, as Jon is drawing, Garfield is bungee jumping outside the house. Each time Jon checks, he sees nothing. Then, as Garfield blows raspberries at Jon, we see the bungee rope being Odie’s tongue. Cut to see Odie eating from Garfield’s food bowl. Then, time passes and the two grow up while eating and watching TV with Jon. Voiceover]'' Oh, yeah. As you can see, life here is pretty near perfect. ''[Cut close to him, clears his throat and looks at the audience]'' Well, yeah, except for...
:''[The word “MONDAYS” in giant red capital letters suddenly slams down in front of a white background. Jon opens the curtains]''
:'''Jon''': Time to go to the vet!
:''[Cut to a vet appointment, Garfield is set on a scale while Jon looks lovingly at Liz. The scale breaks beneath the cat and Liz gets out an intercom.]''
:'''Liz Wilson''': ''[over PA]'' We’re gonna need the big scale!
:'''Garfield''': ''[to the viewers]'' Does she need to announce it to the whole office?
:''[The montage of Garfield causing bad luck every Monday plays. Garfield hanging on a tree branch before a strong wind blows him off, into the house, and out through a window. Garfield getting scared by a spider, a pie thrown at Garfield’s face, Odie licking him, his ice cream dropping to the ground when he licks it, and his toothpaste squirting too much. Then, Jon puts on his protective gear to give Garfield a bath.]''
:'''Garfield''': ''[as he's being bathed]'' No! Please! No! Ow, it’s so hot! Ow, it’s really hurting! Ow, ow, ow!
:''[Soon, Jon dries him up and he is all poofy. Odie drops his ball in shock and Garfield angrily glares at him, while growling in anger. The montage ends, where Garfield grumpily shredding the &quot;MONDAYS&quot; paper in a paper shredder]''
:'''Garfield''': ''[to the viewers; grumpily]'' And that’s why we should go from Sunday to Tuesday. ''[pause]'' OK. Where were we?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[On the next day, Garfield walks up to Jon, who is sleeping in bed]
:'''Garfield''': Wakie, wakie, eggs and bakey! ''[lies down on Jon’s face]'' Good morning!
:''[In the kitchen, Jon puts some vegetables in a blender. As Odie barks for Jon to pet him each time, Garfield secretly puts in some bacon, a T-bone steak, three pizza slices, two pies, and a piece of cake in the blender. Jon closes the lid, and starts blending. Garfield walks on the ceiling, and opens his mouth. The blender shakes and smoothie bursts out, shocking Jon and Odie. Garfield lands down on the counter, having eaten the smoothie. Cut to Jon reading Romeo and Juliet until Odie pushes in Garfield with a fancy chair.]''
:'''Jon''': What? Where’d you get that chair?
:''[Garfield presses a red button on the arm and the chair becomes a recliner with stereo systems. Odie brings in a tray of food and a TV. The TV set shows Catflix, a streaming service that shows cat videos. One shows a cat playing the piano. Jon is in confusion while Garfield eats some popcorn. Suddenly, the channel switches to a romantic comedy film]''
:'''Rom-Com Woman''': ''[on TV]'' I think I was meant to be here tonight because I was meant to meet you.
:'''Rom-Com Man''': ''[on TV]'' I think we were meant to be.
:'''Rom-Com Woman''': ''[on TV]'' That’s what I meant to say.
:'''Rom-Com Man''': ''[on TV]'' You had me at the word “meant.” ''[they both kiss]''
:''[Garfield sees that Odie has the remote. Jon and Odie cry some tears of joy at the scene while Garfield is not amused. Cut to Jon riding a fitness bike]''
:'''Fitness Bike Instructor''': ''[on phone]'' We're going to ride like the wind! Faster! Harder! More exciting!
:''[Jon pedals faster and faster until he slumps over, exhausted. Garfield comes in and puts a slice of pepperoni pizza in Jon’s mouth]''
:'''Garfield''': Odie! Yeah, can you put this back to normal? ''[to Jon]'' There you go. Just let the pepperoni’s healing powers work its magic.
:''[Odie hangs some shirts on the fitness bike. Then, Jon is asleep by his drawing board. Garfield points at this then rolls Jon over to bed. He positions him right, puts a blanket over him, adds an eye mask and Sony headphones, and gives him Pooky. As Garfield leaves, he sees Odie having watched him rest his owner.]''
:'''Garfield''': You saw nothing. ''[jumps off the bed as Odie sleeps with Jon, he turns off the light]'' 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Garfield''': ''[voiceover]'' Up until that moment, my life was a perfect souffle. Little did I know, it was all about to collapse.
:''[Cut to the three sleeping in bed. The sleeping Jon is listening to a sleep app through the headphones]''
:'''Sleep App Voice''': Imagine yourself drifting away on a sea of tranquility. There are no pets to bother you, distract you, or max out your credit card by excessively placing online food orders.
:'''Garfield''': ''[As he sleeps, his stomach rumbles and yawned]'' Oh, I swear. ''[his stomach rumbles again, waking him up]'' Huh? What? Who said that? ''[He notice to his tummy]'' Huh? Odie. ''[yawns]'' Odie. Odie! ''[Odie wakes up]'' It’s time for our midnight snack. ''[Odie jumps off from Jon's bed. He moans as Odie helps him up from his bed. Yawns]'' Thank you, good sir. Your kindness will be rewarded.
:''[As they head to the kitchen, Barry, a little blue bird, spies on them from the window. Garfield and Odie open the fridge]''
:'''Garfield''': ''[yawns]'' What are we feeling like today, huh? French? Italian? Chinese? Cupcakes? ''[his stomach rumbles]'' Chinese it is. Odie, shape everything from the bottom two shelves into a dumpling. ''[As Odie grabs some food, they hear shuffling nearby]''
:'''Garfield and Odie''': Huh?
:''[They turn to see the pet door flapping. Then, they see an open window while rain pours outside. They become nervous until a huge shadow looms over them. They look up to see Roland, a huge dog, looming over them with Nolan, a small skinny dog, on his back. Garfield lifts up Roland's face folds to show the dog's angry eyes]''
:'''Roland''': ''[in British accent]'' Late night snacking?
:'''Nolan''': Not good for digestion.
:'''Garfield''': ''[uninterested]'' Odie, I'm dreaming again. Slap me across the face. ''[Odie slaps Garfield and Roland roars at the him]'' Nope! Still dreaming. I must be really deep in this one.
:''[The two get stuffed in bags by Roland and Nolan!]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[While the dogs, along with the spy bird, head to an abandoned mall]''
:'''Garfield''': ''[in the bag]'' What do you guys...What do you want? Money? I don't have any money, okay? Who-who carries cash anymore? I've-- I-I've got Jon's credit card number memorized. 5552-3857-5521. Did you write that down? Expiration code is 555.
:''[Inside the mall, they release the two from the bags]''
:'''Nolan''': The cat is out of the bag! ''[Cackles. He throws the rope up]''
:'''Roland''': We hope this kidnapping plan works or she’ll put us down....with her insults and cutting observations.
:''[They tie the two by their ankles and pull up the ropes]''
:'''Garfield''': I think this is a case of mistaken identity! You must be looking for another gorgeous, lovable kitty cat! Right?! ''[Once they’re high above, the two dogs leave]'' Hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey, where you going? No, no, come back, come back! ''[Odie barking]'' No, no. Odie?
:'''Odie''': Hmm?
:'''Garfield''': I'll handle this. Alright, you guys, I'm giving you the count of 3 to get back here, and let us down! 1, 2, 3! Four, five… I am not kidding here! ''[Later, Garfield is exhausted while Odie plays the harmonica]'' 308, 309...I can't... yeah, they’re not coming. ''[groans]'' It’s over.
:'''Voice''': ''[offscreen]'' Psst!
:'''Garfield''': ''[He and Odie turn around to see a shrouded figure standing in the mall]'' Huh? ''[Odie drops his harmonica in awe]'' Am I dead? ''[The shrouded figure moves around]'' Are you an angel? ''[It comes to the mall ceiling by the ropes]'' Please take me. I am ready to go to the...''[sobs]'' to the all-you-can-eat buffet in the sky.
:'''Shrouded figure''': What? Listen, I’m going to swing you out, cut your ropes, and drop you safely to that landing below.
:'''Garfield''': Wait, what? That seems a tad risky. Is there another plan that doesn’t involve cutting the rope from a 40-foot drop?
:'''Shrouded figure''': No time. We gotta get outta here before they come back. ''[He swings Odie first, then cuts his rope. The dog lands perfectly on the landing. Then, the shrouded figure swings Garfield and cuts his rope. The cat falls and lands next to Odie, though not so gracefully.]'' We need to go! Come on, Junior!
:''[Garfield gasps in shock as he remembers being left in the alley.]''
:'''Silhouetted cat''': ''[flashback]'' Wait here, Junior. I’ll be right back. ''[echoes]''
:'''Garfield''': ''[narrows his eyes as he pulls the shroud off the figure, revealing Vic, a burly orange tabby cat and Garfield's father, then gasps and points angrily at him]'' &lt;big&gt;'''You...?!'''&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Vic''': Uh… Hey, Junior.
:'''Odie''': Huh?
:'''Garfield''': Who is he? This is Vic, my &quot;father&quot;.
:'''Vic''': Look, Junior, I know how you might be upset...
:'''Garfield''': ''[ticked off]'' Upset?! Why would I be upset? You only abandoned me in an alley as a kitten! I’m probably just overreacting!
:''[Suddenly, they hear a claw scratching against metal]''
:'''Vic''': Oh, no. Not her. Quick, follow me, junior!
:'''Garfield''': Oh, no, no, no, no, no. You lost the privilege of telling me what to do a long time ago.
:''[Red light glows behind them, revealing a maniacal cat named Jinx with a glowing mood necklace]''
:'''Jinx''': Hello, Vic!
:''[The three jump back and scream, startled]''
:'''Vic''': ''[scared]'' Dang!
:'''Jinx''': Scare-cam! ''[laughs]'' Oh, you should’ve seen your faces! ''[makes spooky noises then laughs as she runs over to Nolan and Roland holding a phone]'' OK, boys, show me! ''[The phone shows a video of the trio being scared by her sudden appearance, laughs]'' Post that ASAP! ''[laughs]''
:'''Vic''': Hey, Jinx. I haven’t seen you since… Oh, well, no hard feelings though, right? ''[holds his hand out for a handshake]''
:'''Jinx''': ''[pushes Vic's hand away]'' Oh, I don’t think so. ''[glares for a moment, then smiles]'' I’m a hugger! ''[hugs Vic]''
:'''Garfield''': A part of me wants to be mad at her for kidnapping us, but you gotta love her energy.
:'''Jinx''': ''[gasps]'' Where are my manners? ''[claps her paws to summon Barry]''
:'''Barry''': Chop, chop, gentlemen. Look alive.
:''[Nolan sets up the table and Roland pours them glasses of milk]''
:'''Jinx''': ''[drinks hers]'' Perfection. You know, I was so delighted to think you accepted my invitation here tonight.
:'''Garfield''': Well, throwing us in a burlap sack wasn’t exactly an Evite.
:'''Jinx''': Vic, you’re so quiet. Are you feline sad? Cat got your tongue? Would you prefer a mew-mosa?
:'''Garfield''': Excuse me, how do you two know each other?
:'''Vic''': Let me handle this, Junior.
:'''Garfield''': Oh, don’t &quot;Junior&quot; me. You may call me Garfield, Mr. Garfield, or G-Money. ''[Odie scoffs]'' Okay, whatever, no G-Money. Anyway, can somebody please tell me what is going on!?
:'''Vic''': Uh, we really...
:'''Jinx''': ''[interrupts Vic]'' I’ll take this one.
:''[Roland is nearby, playing the piano]''
:'''Garfield''': What?
:''[Odie shrugs “I don’t know”]''
:'''Jinx''': I’m from a small town outside [[w:London|London]] that you’ve probably never heard of. Oh, I scratched and clawed my way through hard times to come here with one dream. ''[We fade to a flashback of her entering America’s Next Top Feline, walking down the red carpet as people take pictures of her, voiceover]'' I wanted to be seen. I wanted to matter. ''[Cut to her holding a tuba. She stands still in stage fright. Crickets chirp. Voiceover]'' But... ''[wah-wah sound is heard]'' I was a failure.
:'''Announcer''': ''[offscreen; spotlight shines elsewhere]'' The winner!
:''[Fade to her sitting on a bench. A hand holds out to her, and she sees Vic and his cat crew]''
:'''Jinx''': ''[voiceover]'' And then, I met Vic and his crew. They were outcasts. Losers. Thugs. We didn’t have much, but we had each other. We became a real family.
:''[Cut back to present day]''
:'''Garfield''': ''[scoffs]'' Vic and family. I know where this is going. ''[to Roland]'' Excuse me, garcon? Uh, when might we expect appetizers? Perhaps some amuse-bouche?
:'''Jinx''': Then, one night...''[Cut to a flashback of the crew stealing quarts of milk from Lactose Farms. Voiceover]'' We were about to make our biggest score. Enough milk to last us for weeks! ''[She drops one bottle and tries to get it, only to be captured and thrown in a pound truck; flashback]'' Vic! VIIIIIIC!!! ''[Vic tries to go after the truck, but it drives off with her. Cut back to present day]''
:'''Vic''': Jinx, I tried to come back for you. You have to know that.
:'''Jinx''': Oh, yes. You get an A for effort.
:'''Garfield''': So, what happened next?
:'''Jinx''': Imagine Alcatraz...''[Cut to her being served slop in the pound. Voiceover]'' But smellier. It was cold and lonely...''[One cat knocks her lunch away. Cut to Jinx sleeping under a smelly cat, voiceover]'' And stinky. So very stinky. I can’t ever state that enough. ''[Cut to her sulking at the fence. Voiceover]'' But it gave me purpose. I needed to get out. I just needed help.
:''[A ball rolls over to her. She turns to see Roland and Nolan. Jinx throws the ball to Roland, who grabs it with his mouth. Smiling, she gets an idea. Later, the three of them break out of the pound. Cut back to present day]''
:'''Garfield''': So, your purpose was to escape jail and get involved with charities?
:'''Jinx''': Nope. My purpose was...revenge. ''[Vic gulps in fear]''
:'''Garfield''': Oh, I see. I went the other way with it.
:'''Jinx''': I’m kidding! Another cat would be bent on revenge, but I’m a...ooh, how do you put it?
:'''Barry''': Evolved, compassionate, and incredibly self-actualized.
:'''Jinx''': Bingo! ''[giggles]'' I had such trouble finding him and when I discovered you were his son, I had no choice but to kidnap you to lure him here.
:'''Garfield''': Listen, I totally get it. It’s all a part of being associated with Vic. So, what do you need from him to make this right?
:'''Jinx''': I simply want him to pay back the quart of milk I lost that night, and we’ll call it even.
:'''Vic''': I can do that.
:'''Garfield''': What he can’t do is raise a child.
:'''Jinx''': Just one quart.
:'''Garfield''': Just one quart.
:'''Vic''': Done!
:'''Garfield''': Done!
:'''Jinx''': For every day I was in the pound.
:'''Vic''': What now?
:'''Garfield''': Nice twist. Well played.
:'''Vic''': Uh, how long were you in the pound again?
:'''Jinx:''' 4 years, 7 months, and 2 days.
:'''Vic''': Whoa! That long?
:'''Garfield''': Alright, I’m gonna do the math here in my brain and, uh...the way you do that is...''[clears his throat]'' Odie?
:''[Odie barks to Garfield the grand total]''
:'''Garfield''': 1,675 quarts of milk. Exactly right, Odie. We both came up with it at the exact same time.
:'''Vic''': Where am I gonna find that much milk?
:'''Jinx''': Well, I suggest you go back to the place you double-crossed me. Lactose Farms.
:'''Garfield''': Wow. Well, good luck, Vic. ''[laughs]'' I’ll leave you two to work on the fine print. We’ll just see ourselves out. Odie...''[He tries to leave but is stopped by Roland and Nolan]''
:'''Jinx''': Uh, no, you’re all going to do this.
:'''Garfield''': What? Why me? He’s the one who abandoned you!
:'''Jinx''': Yes, but this is more than a one-cat job.
:'''Garfield''': If I’m sure Vic has a whole crew of lowlife cat burglars, he could ask.
:'''Jinx''': Oh, I’m sure he does, but if I’m being completely honest, seeing how miserable you make one another brings me endless satisfaction.
:'''Garfield''': Oh, well, thank you for your honesty. And if I don’t go?
:'''Jinx''': You can stay and have a playdate with Roland and Nolan. ''[to the hench-dogs]'' Okay, boys, go play!
:''[The two dogs proceed to maul two nearby mannequins]''
:'''Barry''': ''[clears his throat, last words]'' Ma’am. I think this is an opportunity to take a deep, cleansing breath and repeat your anger management mantra.
:''[Suddenly, Jinx eats Barry and spits out a feather. The three are terrified by this]''
:'''Jinx''': ''[clears her throat]'' Anyone else have any objections?
:'''Garfield''': ''[gulps nervously]'' Nope, I’m good. ''[gives two thumbs-up]'' Thanks for the opportunity.
:'''Jinx''': Excellent! Now you boys have 72 hours...''[drinks her milk and throws her glass away]'' or else!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Garfield, Vic, and Odie walk outside the abandoned mall]''
:'''Garfield''': I can't believe this is happening! I don't see you for years! And when I do, you're pulling me into a life of crime.
:'''Vic''': I had this reunion playing differently in my head, too.
:'''Garfield''': That's the difference between us, because I never wanted to see you again!
:'''Vic''': I totally understand your anger, but give me a chance to explain. You'll see, I'm not the bad guy you think I am.
:'''Garfield''': A good guy doesn't leave his kid in an alley!
:'''Vic''': It wasn't like that.
:'''Garfield''': ''[angry]'' IT WAS EXACTLY LIKE THAT!
:'''Vic''': No, it wasn't. Let me tell you.
:'''Garfield''': No, no, I don't want to hear it! This whole thing with Jinx, this is your mess, not mine! Come on, Odie. ''[Unfortunately, he is stopped by Roland and Nolan]''
:'''Roland''': Can’t let you do that.
:'''Nolan''': We’ll be watching you.
:'''Roland''': Like a hawk.
:''[They hide behind a stop sign with Nolan giving Garfield a “We’re watching you” gesture]''
:'''Garfield''': ''[groans in frustration]'' Is today a Monday!? ‘Cause it feels an awful lot like a Monday.
:'''Vic''': It’s Thursday.
:'''Garfield''': Not to me, it’s not!
:'''Vic''': Look, I know this isn't ideal, but we have to do this. ''[as Garfield growls]'' So, let's just try and make the best of our time together.
:'''Garfield''': Our time together?! What are you talking about?! Once we get this milk, I want you out of my life! Forever!
:'''Vic''': Alright, just relax. Lactose Farms is nothing but a sleepy little mom-and-pop dairy. This will be a quick grab-and-go. You’ll be back home before you know it. ''[laughs]''
:'''Garfield''': ''[sighs]'' How do we even get to Lactose Farms? It’s way out in the country.
:'''Vic''': You ever jumped a train?
:'''Garfield''': I’ve never jumped.
:'''Vic''': Well, if jumping the train is too hard, just say it.
:'''Garfield''': How hard could it be?
:'''Vic''': Exactly! ''[laughs as he slaps Garfield to the ground]'' This is gonna be fun! ''[flexes his arms]''
:''[The next morning at the house, Jon walks down the stairs.]''
:'''Jon''': ''[yawns]'' Garfield? Odie? Hello? ''[notices the refrigerator door left open]'' Garfield, how many times have I told you to close the refrigerator door? ''[spots some food still on the floor when Garfield and Odie were kidnapped by Roland and Nolan]'' Wait. There’s food on the floor. ''[gasps]'' He's never left food on the floor. Garfield? ''[checks the halls]'' Garfield? ''[checks the closet]'' Garfield?! ''[checks under the couch]'' Garfield? ''[checks out the pet door]'' Garfield? ''[checks from the chimney]'' Garfield? ''[steps out the door]'' '''''GARFIELD!!!!''''' 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Back with Garfield, Vic, and Odie as they slide down a hill and stop by the railroad tracks.]''
:'''Vic''': Our best shot at jumping on a train is here.
:'''Garfield''': Hold on a sec. I’m just taking in the wind speed, the direction of the sun, and various angles. Yes, I say we jump the train from right here.
:'''Vic''': Didn’t I just say that?
:'''Garfield''': I’ve seen enough television a million times. We’ll need a hundred feet of rope...
:'''Vic''': Uh-huh. Rope. Yeah, okay. ''[He sets Garfield on a branch and pulls it back]''
:'''Garfield''': We’ll throw the rope over that branch right there.
:'''Vic''': Branch. Uh-huh. Got it.
:'''Garfield''': Can you follow me? Alright. ''[as the train approaches]'' And then, timing it just right, we swing over as the train passes by and land on top of the car. Boom!
:'''Vic''': Or we can do this. ''[He lets go of the branch, launching Garfield through an open train car]'' Odie! Jump, boy!
:''[As the two jump on, Garfield is sprung off a tree, launching him into another. The two trees bounce him back and forth while Nolan and Roland watch from a distance.]''
:'''Nolan''': Part of me wants to help him.
:'''Roland''': No. This is how he learns.
:''[Then, Garfield bounces off the awning of a trailer, gets kicked off by a billy goat, and splats on a car window. He grins maniacally before the unfazed driver wipes him off the window. Cut to a catapult sale going on. A customer speaks to the salesman about a catapult.]''
:'''Used Catapult Customer''': I don’t know. It’s kind of pricey. How much does it handle? ''[Garfield lands on the catapult and it launches him away; impressed]'' Whoa! I’ll take it!
:''[Garfield bounces off a parade float of himself, rolls downhill, falls off a cliff, lands and bounces off a power line, and finally lands in a pile of manure inside the train car Vic and Odie are on.]''
:'''Vic''': See? I told you this was gonna be fun!
:'''Garfield''': ''[in the manure]'' You and I have different definitions of “fun.” 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Cut back to Jon’s house, he speaks to someone on the phone.]''
:'''Automated Voice''': ''[on phone]'' Hello?
:'''Jon''': ''[on phone]'' Oh, finally! Hello!
:'''Automated Voice''': ''[on phone]'' You’ve reached Find My Pet. If your pet is lost, we're here to help.
:'''Jon''': ''[on phone]'' Hi! Yes! Great! OK. Uh, my orange tabby and my dog are both missing, and I need your help.
:'''Automated Voice''': ''[on phone]'' Please listen carefully, as our menu options have changed.
:'''Jon''': ''[on phone]'' OK.
:'''Automated Voice''': ''[on phone]'' If you'd like to hear this call in Spanish...''[speaking Spanish]''
:'''Jon''': ''[on phone]'' What?
:'''Automated Voice''': ''[on phone]'' For Pig Latin, ess-pray even-say.
:'''Jon''': ''[on phone]'' Come on.
:'''Automated Voice''': ''[on phone]'' For gibberish...''[speaks gibberish]''
:'''Jon''': ''[on phone]'' What do I press to talk to a real person?!
:'''Automated Voice''': ''[on phone]'' Your call is very important. There are ''[in deep voice]'' 1,046 ''[in normal voice]'' people ahead of you.
:'''Jon''': What?! Garfield, where are you?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Back on the train, Vic tries to think up a plan.]''
:'''Vic''': ''[to himself]'' Okay, Vic, you gotta figure this out. ''[sighs]'' Jinx can’t be trusted and you gotta keep Junior safe. Just gotta figure out a way to get him out of this. ''[He finds Odie pulling twigs and spiked nuts off Garfield’s body]''
:'''Garfield''': Tell me. Is it a bird? It really hurts. OW! You pulled my hair! Is it a bug? A bug? OWWW, OWIE, OWIE, OWIE, STOP IT, ODIE! AAHH! Okay.
:'''Vic''': ''[He facepalms but then sees Garfield’s collar and tag. He gets an idea]'' You know what, Junior? This is gonna be good for you.
:'''Garfield''': ''[pulls a spike nut off his fur]'' What’ll be good for me?
:'''Vic''': What we're doing.
:'''Garfield''': We’re about to steal a truck full of milk from a dairy to pay back a deranged...''[pulls off another]'' cat. What part of that is going to be good for me?
:'''Vic''': All of it! You can’t even imagine the life lessons you’re gonna learn.
:'''Garfield''': Oh, yeah? Name one.
:'''Vic''': Well, for starters, you already know how to get on a movin' train. ''[Laughs, Garfield is not amused. Clears throat]'' I found it funny. All I'm sayin', is that to break into a dairy, it's gonna take a few skills, I'm guessing a rounded, mush-filled, overly pampered indoor cat like you, ''[Garfield pokes his tummy]'' doesn't have. So, we need to toughen you up.
:'''Garfield''': Toughen me up? Hey, I know tough, Vic. You obviously have never been in an [[w:Olive Garden|Olive Garden]] that’s run out of breadsticks. Anyway, I’m never gonna need those skills you’re talking about.
:'''Vic''': But you’ll have them.
:'''Garfield''': I'm never gonna break into a dairy, or anything else. Ever again.
:'''Vic''': You are missing the point! You're going to learn to improvise. Think on your feet, develop moves that'll come in handy in the real world.
:'''Garfield''': I wouldn’t be in the real world if it wasn’t for you!
:'''Vic''': True. You’d still be hanging upside down in the mall.
:'''Garfield''': You know, I would be asleep at home!
:'''Vic''': Missing out on life all together! Look, I’m just a dad trying to teach his son skills.
:'''Garfield''': Oh, no, no, no, no. You can't make up for five years of not being around.
:'''Vic''': Uh, yes, I can.
:'''Garfield''': No, you can’t.
:'''Vic''': I think I can.
:'''Garfield''': In fact, you can’t.
:'''Vic''': Yes, I can!
:'''Garfield''': You really can’t!
:'''Vic''': With your attitude, I can!
:'''Garfield''': ''[screams in anger]'' Okay, whatever, “dad!” ''[sarcastic]'' Wow, great lesson! ''[groans in upset]'' I’m done talking to you, you don’t know me, and you don’t know the first thing about me. I am not pampered. I am not anything you think I am.
:''[After their talk, Odie has made the train car into a paradise for Garfield. He lays on a hammock]''
:'''Vic''': Okay. Just gonna say that blanket is not the best idea.
:'''Garfield''': Ah, fantastic. Thank you. I’ll take it from here. ''[He puts the blanket over himself, only to be covered in spiders. screams]'' Get them off! Get them off! Get them off me! ''[Vic picks up him and lifts a bag of cedar chips over him]'' What are you doing? ''[Then, he opens it, dumping the chips on the spiders. Garfield pops out of the pile, stunned]'' What’d you do?
:'''Vic''': Cedar chips. Spiders hate them. See? Another life skill learned.
:'''Garfield''': ''[stunned]'' I-I-I...
:'''Vic''': I think the words you’re looking for are “Thank you, pops.”
:'''Garfield''': No, the word I’m looking for is...
:'''Vic''': ''[sees Lactose Farms ahead]'' Oh! Here’s our stop!
:'''Garfield''': Really? Where? ''[Vic kicks him out.]''
:'''Vic''': ''[laughs]'' Oh, Odie, you think he’d see that coming. ''[He and Odie jump off the train]'' 
:''[Not knowing Roland and Nolan are following closely behind]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[A balloon transition shows Lactose Farms as part-amusement park and part-factory. A steel gate shuts in front of the camera.]''
:'''Garfield''': Quaint. Just a simple little grab-and-go.
:'''Vic''': Okay, okay, so they’ve done a few upgrades since I was last here. Stop being so dramatic. All we have to do is climb the fence.
:''[A yellow bird perches on the fence and it electrocutes the bird, sending him flying and landing on the ground. Still alive but hurt. Garfield walks over to a tree and bangs his head against it two times. The shocked bird stumbles around, muttering. Garfield bangs his head once more. Then, he spots a purple [[w:Bull|bull]], Otto, sitting on a rock looking forlorn. He recognizes Otto and gasps.]''
:'''Garfield''': Wait. Is that Otto?
:'''Vic''': Who?
:'''Garfield''': Otto! Of Otto and Ethel?
:'''Vic''': Uh, no clue what you’re talking about.
:'''Garfield''': He’s one of the mascots of Lactose Farms. See? On the side of the barn? ''[He points to a painting of Otto and Ethel on the barn]'' I’ll bet he knows how to get into that place.
:'''Vic''': Leave him alone. Seems to be in a period of meditation. Or depression.
:'''Garfield''': Yes, he does. Mmm. This calls for cat sensitivity and diplomacy.
:'''Vic''': Oh, yeah? And where are we supposed to get that?
:'''Garfield''': I have it in spades. Watch. Maybe you’ll learn something. ''[He approaches Otto]'' Excuse me. You’re Otto, right? ''[Otto grunts in response. clear throat]'' I’m Garfield. A pleasure.
:'''Otto''': Go away.
:'''Garfield''': Just wanted to say I am a huge fan. I have eaten everything that has a picture of your face on it.
:'''Otto''': I’m not that guy anymore.
:'''Garfield''': I even loved that recalled provolone from a few years back.
:'''Vic''': Junior, no!
:'''Garfield''': Yeah. Anyways, here’s the thing. Me and my crew back there, we’re in a bit of a bind. Got ourselves in a situation. A long story short, we could use your help.
:'''Otto''': ''[grunts]'' You’re a fan, huh?
:'''Garfield''': Ha ha. Oh yes. Big time.
:'''Otto''': Then sing the jingle.
:'''Garfield''': Well, I don’t really sing on command. I’m not a circus animal.
:'''Otto''': Sing it.
:'''Garfield''': Really? ''[chuckles]''
:'''Otto''': Sing it!
:'''Garfield''': ''[clears his throat and sings]'' ''♪ Lactose Farms. Lactose Farms. We’ve got milk, butters, creams, and cheeses. ♪''
:'''Otto''': More spirit!
:'''Garfield''': ''[sings with more spirit]'' ''♪ As much as you want, as much as it pleases... ♪''
:'''Otto''': Livelier!
:'''Garfield''': ''[sings in livelier and dances]'' ''♪ Come and take a look and see what we got! ‘Cause what we got is a whole lotta lot! Ha, ha! Bop chee bop. Bibbidi bop bop chee bop! ♪'' ''[scats while Vic facepalms]'' ''♪ The tasty goodness is our motto brought to you by Ethel and Otto! ♪'' ''[Suddenly, Otto punches him to a tree. In pain]'' What was that for?
:'''Otto''': I hate that jingle.
:'''Garfield''': ''[in pain]'' You could’ve just told me to stop. ''[He falls to the ground]'' 
:''[Garfield then notices Otto staring forlornly at a female cow, Ethel, being escorted out. The two look at each other lovingly.]''
:'''Farmhand''': Let’s go. Kids are waiting.
:''[Ethel is escorted away and Otto sighs sadly before walking away. Feeling bad, Odie walks over to Otto]''
:'''Garfield''': Odie, come back! Leave him alone! He might punch you!
:''[Odie comes to the bull and sits by his side. Otto warmly smiles, allowing the dog to stay by his side]''
:'''Garfield''': ''[refers to the cow in the farm]'' Was that Ethel?
:'''Otto''': ''[He grunts, but Odie whines to the steer. He smiles at the dog before telling his story]'' A few years back, Old Man Lactose was forced out of business. The corporation that took over separated me from my Ethel. ''[Cut to a flashback of Otto being put in a wooden box while farmhands are lassoing Ethel; flashback]'' Ethel!
:'''Ethel''': ''[flashback]'' You are my day!
:'''Otto''': ''[flashback]'' You are my night! ''[Soon, the bull was sent out to pasture, separated from the love of his life; voiceover]'' I was put out to pasture. ''[Ethel is seen being harassed by children in the amusement park, voiceover]'' She was put on display as part of the tour. ''[Cut back to present day]'' I tried to get in there to break Ethel free, but they stopped me every time. Now I only see her six seconds twice a day.
:'''Vic''': We...we feel you, Otto. Come on, let’s go, Junior. We’ll find another way to break in there.
:'''Otto''': Wha-wha-what could you possibly want from that place?
:'''Vic''': Oh, I don’t know. A couple quarts of milk?
:'''Garfield''': A couple thousand quarts. ''[Vic nudges him]''
:'''Otto''': Good luck.
:'''Vic''': We'll take any help when you have.
:'''Otto''': Pass.
:'''Vic''': I’m telling you, it’s a life-or-death situation.
:'''Otto''': And I hope you’ve notified your next of kin.
:'''Vic''': What if we can get Ethel out?
:'''Garfield''': Or get you a commemorative pin? ''[Otto quickly returns]'' Where are we gonna find a commemorative pin?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Later, Otto draws up a plan on the ground]''
:'''Otto''': Now pay attention. Here’s the perimeter of the plant and here are the two places you need to go. First, the truck with your milk is back here. And this delicate buttercup is my Ethel. My north star and reason for living is being kept by those barbarians in...the Donald’s hiccups Located here. This cricket represents the electrical room. This snail, the refrigeration room. This toadstool is the loading dock, where you’ll find the keys to the trucks. ''[He sets a pinecone in the middle of the square]''
:'''Garfield''': Hey, what’s the pinecone?
:'''Otto''': The pinecone is the cheese and butter room.
:'''Garfield''': Ooh, ''[As he rubbing his tummy]'' cheese is my love language.
:'''Otto''': Now, for this briefing, I’ve done a quick reading of your personalities and have chosen tokens to represent each of you. ''[points to Vic]'' You are the majestic bullfrog. ''[A bullfrog appears, croaking]''
:'''Vic''': Oh, yeah. That feels right.
:'''Otto''': ''[points to Odie]'' You are the curious and clever chipmunk. ''[A chipmunk appears. Points to Garfield]'' And you...
:'''Garfield''': Wait for it.
:'''Otto''': ''[He sets down a roadkill opossum]'' ...are roadkill.
:'''Garfield''': Huh? What? Oh. ''[laughs]'' No, I get it. That’s a good one, Otto. Giving your new best friend roadkill. ''[pokes at the possum with a stick]'' Seriously though. What’s my real token?
:'''Otto''': That is your real token. Now, if you have any chance of...
:'''Garfield''': Excuse me. Can I switch to something living like a snail or a cricket?
:'''Otto''': You should’ve spoken up sooner. At this point, it would be too confusing to switch.
:'''Garfield''': Sooner? But you just told me this five seconds ago.
:'''Vic''': Come on, Roadkill. Focus.
:'''Garfield''': Oh, really? You give Vic the majestic bullfrog, you give Odie the curious and clever chipmunk, and then you give me, your new BFF, roadkill? I mean, it feels disrespectful, not gonna lie.
:'''Otto''': What makes you think he’s dead?
:'''Garfield''': My eyes. I have eyes and can see.
:'''Otto''': It’s a possum. They’re masters at playing dead.
:'''Garfield''': Well, then little Daniel Day Possum here should do Shakespeare in the Park.
:'''Otto''': Things aren’t always what they seem.
:'''Garfield''': You’re right. But in this case, they are.
:'''Otto''': What’s the big deal? Possums play dead.
:'''Garfield''': Oh, do they, Otto? Do they play dead? Do possums play possum? Is that what they do?
:'''Otto''': Yes. Possums are very clever.
:'''Garfield''': Well, I’m sure he was until the day he ate a pick-up truck.
:'''Vic''': Uh, just ignore him. Please continue. I’ll just put this back where you had it.
:'''Otto''': The straightest line to the loading dock is through the snail here. Then the cricket there. Cut through the toadstool and armed to the rock. Each of these rooms have their own set of unique challenges.
:'''Garfield''': Well, why can’t we go straight through the pinecone?
:'''Otto''': You don’t want to go through the pinecone.
:'''Garfield''': Looks like the straightest shot is through the pinecone.
:'''Otto''': You like walking with those feet, do you? You a fan of unimaginable pain and misery? Then go through the pinecone.
:'''Vic''': Stay away from the pinecone. ''[clicks tongue]'' Got it.
:'''Otto''': Once you’re inside the facility...''[Cut to a 2D-animated rundown of the plan as the Mission: Impossible theme plays. Voiceover]'' You will enter the electrical room. There you will locate the air vent. Pop the grate and climb up. Then you'll crawl through a maze of vents and drop down to the refrigeration room. Next, you will need to hurl your body over a 30-foot drop to a series of hand rungs. You'll propel yourselves hand over hand and drop down directly into a loading dock. From there, you'll locate the keys to the milk truck. Drive that truck to the west pasture of the complex, cut the lock on the gate, and find the closest thing we have to an angel here on earth. You'll escort my sweet Ethel onto the truck and drive her to freedom. ''[Cut back to reality]'' It’s going to take mad skills to get that milk and free my dear sweet Ethel. ''[refers to Odie]'' Clearly, this one’s qualified for the mission. ''[refers to Garfield]'' But I have some serious doubts here about all of...this.
:'''Vic''': He’s pointing to you, Roadkill.
:'''Otto''': Let’s get to work.
:''[The others leave and Garfield pokes the opossum with the stick]''
:'''Garfield''': Stupid roadkill.
:''[Suddenly, the possum springs to life and grabs the stick.]''
:'''Roadkill''': Hey! ''[whacks Garfield with the stick]'' I’m workin’ here! ''[resumes playing dead]''
:'''Garfield''': ''[groans]'' Definitely a Monday. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Meanwhile, Jon is still on the phone]''
:'''Automated Voice''': ''[on phone]'' Your call is very important to us. If you’ve lost a cat, please press 1. ''[Jon presses 1]'' If your cat is orange, please press 2. ''[Jon presses 2]'' This doesn’t really accomplish anything but gives you the false sense that we’re engaged with you.
:''[Jon sobs, and hugs a portrait of himself, Garfield, and Odie.]'' 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The next morning, Garfield, Vic, and Odie are ready for training]''
:'''Otto''': Alright, gentlemen, I’ve made a list of skills that you’ll need to master in order to break into Lactose Farms. Number one, develop lightning-fast reflexes.
:'''Vic''': You tell Garfield there's a plate of pasta on the other side of the wall, and you will see lightning reflexes.
:'''Garfield''': Yeah, no, no, no. Depends what kind of possum.
:'''Otto''': ''[holds out a pebble]'' This pebble represents danger you may encounter. You need to grab it before it grabs you.
:'''Garfield''': ''[scoffs]'' It grabs me.
:'''Otto''': Snatch the pebble from my hand. ''[Garfield tries to grab the pebble, but he moves it away]'' Too slow! ''[He whacks Garfield with his horn]''
:'''Garfield''': Ow! What was that for?!
:'''Otto''': Being able to grab the pebble could be the difference between life and death.
:'''Garfield''': Alright, let me try that again. ''[grabs the pebble]'' Ha! Got it! ''[Otto whacks him again]'' What was that for?!
:'''Otto''': It’s never just about the pebble.
:'''Vic''': Come on, Junior. Everyone knows that.
:'''Otto''': Your head’s got to be on a swivel at all times.
:'''Vic''': You gotta be ready for anything.
:'''Garfield''': I was ready! He changed the game!
:'''Vic''': Sounds like someone’s making excuses. ''[Otto rolls a boulder, and it collides with him, flattening him like a pancake.]''
:'''Garfield''': And what was that about being ready for anything?
:'''Vic''': ''[pops back to normal]'' You were distracting me!
:'''Garfield''': Might I suggest putting your head on a swivel?
:'''Otto''': You should've seen that coming! ''[as he hits Garfield and Vic]'' Toes on the line! Watch your grip! Cover your side! There are surprises around every corner at Lactose Farms. You need to stay alert. ''[squishes Garfield and Vic from above]'' Too slow! A baby could've seen that coming. Too slow! Too slow! Too slow!
:''[As this goes on, Odie gets out a chair and sits down while drinking soda]''
:'''Otto''': You'll never make it through Lactose Farms if you can't survive this training. ''[He throws tree stumps as Garfield and Vic try to dodge them]''
:'''Vic''': Are you for real?!
:'''Garfield''': What kind of dairy is this?!
:'''Otto''': The kind of dairy that requires teamwork to survive. Danger could be anywhere gentlemen. You gotta be ready to outrun it! ''[He lifts up a big tree and charges toward them. Garfield and Vic run away]'' Here comes the pain!
:'''Vic''': Left, right, left, right.
:'''Garfield''': You’re confusing me!
:''[They trip and tumble downhill, sliding on some mud, through the prickly field, jumping into a curvy looped log before coming right out of it, then getting their heads slammed on a beehive, breaking it before seeing their faces covered in bees. Garfield and Vic scream when sliding down. When they slide by some sleeping rabbits, a mother shushes them as the cats cover their mouths from each other. Once they’re past the rabbits, they screamed again before crashing into a tree]''
:'''Vic''': I think I'm gonna need a wring-out.
:''[The tree falls and crushes them. Otto and Odie approach them]''
:'''Otto''': ''[to Odie; sighs]'' If this is going to work, these two have to be on the same page. I’m out of ideas. You got any?
:''[Odie gives him a thumbs-up]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Odie leads the injured Garfield and Vic to rest by a tree]''
:'''Garfield''': Can’t believe I’m out in the middle of nowhere getting beaten up against my will by a former celebrity steer.
:'''Vic''': Odie, can you tell my son to please stop whining?
:'''Garfield''': Odie, can you tell Vic that I collapsed on this tree first and that he needs to find another one?
:'''Vic''': Odie, can you tell my son that I’ll gladly find another one when I get the feeling back in my leg?
:'''Garfield''': Odie, can you tell my father that he wouldn’t be lying in pain if he led a better life and didn’t create problems for himself?
:'''Vic''': Could you please inform my son that he should focus on fixing his own issues?
:'''Garfield''': Odie...''[He notices Odie has tied both him and Vic to the tree with vines while they were arguing.]'' Odie, what’d you do? ''[Odie harrumphs and walks away]'' After all I’ve let you do for me.
:'''Vic''': What is this? ''[He tugs on a vine, springing Garfield's foot up. Garfield moves his foot on the vine, making Vic's hand smack himself.]'' Hey, watch it!
:'''Garfield''': ''[He snickers. Vic pulls on the vine to make Garfield smack his hand on his own face]'' What’s the problem, Vic? Is this bothering you? ''[He proceeds to tug the vines to make Vic hit himself.]''
:'''Vic''': ''[strained]'' No. In fact, I don't mind it at all! ''[He moves the vines in a boxing motion, making Garfield punch himself.]''
:'''Garfield''': I don't mind it either!
:''[Vic and Garfield pull at the vines to hurt each other. Odie and Otto are seen sitting on a branch, with the former eating popcorn]''
:'''Otto''': I could watch this all day.
:''[Back on Garfield and Vic, they try to get out of the vines]''
:'''Garfield''': Stop pulling!
:'''Vic''': I’m not! You’re pulling!
:'''Garfield''': If I was pulling, you knew it! ''[grunting]'' Why does everything you do always end up hurting me?!
:'''Vic''': Hurt you?! All I ever did was try to help you!
:'''Garfield''': Oh, you sure? Cause every time you're around, it ends up with me in pain. ''[as he get hit by a branch]'' Ow! Odie, these ropes are not funny anymore...''[as he get hit by a branch again]''...OW!
:''[Odie and Otto fist-bump]''
:'''Vic''': Maybe, if you were a little more open to seeing me, things might be better between us.
:'''Garfield''': Oh, you do remember you were the one who left me in an alley, right?
:'''Vic''': You don't know what you're talking about!
:'''Garfield''': ''[clears throat]'' Then please enlighten me.
:''[Vic sighs in sadness. On Otto and Odie...]''
:'''Otto''': This is about to get real.
:''[Back on Garfield and Vic...]''
:'''Garfield''': Oh, that's right. You're normally never around to actually defend yourself. No back door to slink out of this time. First, you abandoned me! Years later, you pulled me into a life of crime. Well, classic &quot;Father of the Year&quot; stuff, Dad. You know why would I ever think that seeing you could be anything other than a train wreck?!
:'''Vic''': ''[angrily]'' I DID NOT LEAVE YOU IN THAT ALLEY!
:'''Garfield''': ''[bitterly]'' Oh, you did, you told me you'd come right back. You never did!
:'''Vic''': ''[solemnly]'' No! That is not what happened.
:'''Garfield''': Oh, please! You're probably on the run from someone like Jinx and I was in the way.
:'''Vic''': No...No, that...that night...''[sighs]'' That night was different...
:''[In a flashback, Vic sits by a bookstore called &quot;Jim's Comic Books&quot; while cradling Garfield, as a kitten, as people walk past them. Garfield's stomach grumbles. Vic spots a fish market across the street. They approach it, and stare at the fish.]''
:'''Fish Market Worker''': Hey! Shoo, shoo! Get out of here!
:''[The worker chases them out. Vic runs off, then sees a hot dog stand. A dog growls at them. Vic quickly retreats down an alley, then stops by a dumpster with the wooden crate from the beginning of the film. Vic spots a food worker coming out of a restaurant to dump out garbage before re-entering. Vic looks over his shoulder, then places Garfield in the crate while petting his head.]''
:'''Vic''': Wait here, Junior. I’ll be right back. ''[approaches the garbage can, only to be scared off by the worker]''
:'''Food Worker''': Hey, get out of here! ''[Vic waits by as the food worker talks on his phone; on phone]'' Hey, how are you doing? Yeah, yeah. Ah, I had to shoo a cat. Yeah, yeah. Digging in the trash. Yeah. So what you up to now, huh? Still taking it easy? Uh-huh. Yeah. ''[Time passes. It’s raining, but the worker is still on the phone; on phone]'' Oh, no, you're kidding. Really? ''[chuckles]'' Oh, yeah, yeah. It's been raining here for a while now. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I'll see you then. OK, bye.
:''[The worker goes back in the building. Vic comes over to find a sardine in the trash can. He grabs the lid as a dish, and runs back to the crate where Garfield was, only to find out that he'd disappeared. He looks around until he finds Garfield in Mamma Leoni's with Jon. Vic narrows his eyes as he walks over to the window. Through the window, Jon holds out a finger which Garfield waves his paws at. Vic watches Jon feed Garfield a slice of pizza. He looks over at the sardine on the lid, then looks sadly over at his son, who nuzzles with Jon. Dropping the lid, Vic smiles warmly, then looks alarmed as Jon chases Garfield around the restaurant. He then runs off to hide. Jon exits with the take-out box. The lid pops open, revealing Garfield, who looks up and down the street, seeing that there's no sign of Vic. As he stares sadly, he then smiles at Jon, who smiles back at him. Vic comes out from behind a mailbox to watch Garfield kissing Jon on his nose, then nuzzles him. Vic watches sadly as Jon leaves with Garfield. He ducks down behind the mailbox with a sad expression. In the present, Garfield stares wide-eyed about what happened.]''
:'''Garfield''': ''[shocked]'' I… I never knew.
:'''Vic''': I know, how could you?
:'''Garfield''': Why didn't you ever come visit me?
:'''Vic''': I did. A million times I… came to knock on your door, and I'd see what a great life you've had with Jon, so I just...thought it would be better if I kept my distance.
:'''Otto''': ''[appears before Garfield and Vic]'' I sense a positive breakthrough in your relationship, am I wrong? ''[Vic shakes his head]'' Good. After an extensive evaluation, I have concluded that you two are, in fact, ready to move forward with this mission.
:'''Vic''': We are?
:'''Garfield''': How is that even possible?
:''[Odie cuts down the vines with a pair of scissors.]''
:'''Otto:''' Mathematically, it isn’t. But given your present levels of incompetence and overall lack of basic skills...
:'''Garfield''': Huh?
:'''Otto''': I have determined it would take roughly...17 years to get you both properly ready for this job. And since we have..less than 48 hours, you passed. Congratulations.
:''[Odie shakes their hands and hugs Garfield. Up in the tree, Roland and Nolan are spying on them while disguised as birds]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Back in the mall, Jinx sings in French while scribbling something with a red marker. Then, she cuts paper with scissors and some tape with her claw. Soon, she hangs up three images of Vic on a board full of pictures. It is clear that she resents Vic for the failed heist. Jinx laughs evilly while scratching one picture before noticing her hench-dogs have returned.]
:'''Roland''': She’s really losing it.
:'''Jinx''': ''[shakes off the tape]'' Yes, what is it?
:'''Roland''': They’re ready to rob the dairy.
:'''Jinx''': Purrrfect! Oh, everything is coming to plan. Now it’s time to make the call. ''[Roland gets out a cellphone from his folds]'' Excuse me, you keep that thing in your folds? That is so disgusting. ''[to Nolan]'' You, you dial the number and put me on speaker. ''[Nolan dials the number and puts on the speaker]''
:'''Female Phone Operator''': ''[on phone]'' Hello?
:'''Jinx''': ''[on phone]'' Hello? Lactose Farms?
:'''Female Phone Operator''': ''[on phone]'' How may I help you?
:'''Jinx''': ''[on phone]'' It’s come to my attention that there will be an attempt to rob one of your dairy trucks tomorrow. It’s not important who I am or how I came to know this. Just think of me as a concerned citizen intent on fulfilling my civic responsibility as well as...
:''[On the other side, the phone operators only hear meowing on the speaker. One of the operators goes to the office of his superior]''
:'''Male Phone Operator''': Uh, chief? We may have a situation.
:'''Marge Malone''': ''[grabs her nightstick]'' Well, okay then. Let’s go have a look-see.
:''[They check the speaker with Jinx still talking...or meowing]''
:'''Female Phone Operator''': This is the third time they called.
:'''Male Phone Operator''': It just sounds like a cat crank-calling us.
:'''Marge Malone''': ''[shoves her nightstick at his nose]'' If it were a dog barking, I’d be on board for a prank. Some dogs are born for mischief. They just are. Not cats. Oh, no. Cats mean business. ''[She gets out her phone, uses the Critter Talk, and selects a cat to translate the meowing]''
:'''Jinx''': ''[on phone]'' I repeat, there will be an attempt to rob one of your dairy trucks tomorrow. I suggest you take appropriate measures to prevent this brazen thievery from occurring. Okay, I’m done. Hang up the phone. Ha, ha. What an evil genius I am. ''[hangs up]''
:'''Marge Malone''': Well then, still seem like a prank to ya?
:'''Male Phone Operator''': Eh, that last part did a little.
:'''Female Phone Operator''': What’s our next move, chief?
:'''Marge Malone''': Our next move is for me to go back to my office and formulate an ingenious plan. And you go get my car waxed. ''[She enters her office and approaches the mirror; to herself]'' Well, well, well. Would you look at that, Margie Malone? We’re having company tomorrow. I guess I better take out my finest China to serve a heaping plate...''[puts on her hat]'' of justice! 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[In the morning, back with the animals, Otto sets down acorn earpieces.]''
:'''Garfield''': What are those for?
:'''Otto''': For us to communicate. Once you’re inside...the belly of the beast.
:''[Odie growls in determination]''
:'''Garfield''': Uh, okay. Don’t we need something more like radio headsets?
:'''Otto''': ''[sighs]'' Indoor cat. These are better.
:'''Garfield''': I just feel like [[w:Bluetooth|Bluetooth]] would be better.
:'''Otto''': These are better than Bluetooth.
:'''Garfield''': These are better than Bluetooth?
:'''Otto''': They’re equal, and I don’t have to pay for the brand. ''[He and Odie put acorn pieces in their ears. On com]'' Gold Eagle to Chipmunk, do you copy?
:''[Odie barks back]''
:'''Garfield''': Of course you can hear him. He’s standing three feet away from you. ''[Otto snorts and gets out binoculars]'' Oh, I see you sprung for the binoculars.
:'''Otto''': Now, we just need to find… a way in.
:'''Garfield''': Anyone ever told you that you take a lot of dramatic pauses when you speak?
:'''Otto''': ''[a beat]'' Yes. ''[He spots some kids exiting a school bus with one having an animal backpack]'' Bingo.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Inside Lactose Farms, a tour is going on.]''
:'''Tour Guide Tracy''': Hello, everyone, and welcome to the one, the only Lactose Farms! If you will all gather around me, we’ll begin our tour and head into the heart of the farm.
:'''Marge Malone''': ''[She carefully watches surveillance footage for any robbers]'' I know you’re here. I can feel it. Show yourself.
:''[Back in the tour...]''
:'''Tour Guide Tracy''': Today, you will discover the answers to all of your dairy questions. Including the most-asked dairy question of all time, “Are curds the way?”
:''[We see Garfield, Odie, and Vic going incognito as backpacks]''
:'''Otto''': ''[on com]'' Bullfrog, Chipmunk, Roadkill, do you copy?
:'''Garfield''': Are you kidding me? They actually work? You should take this to Shark Tank.
:'''Otto''': ''[on com]'' Now remember, the only way to get the keys to the milk truck and free Ethel undetected is by sneaking to the path I’ve mapped out for you. If you deviate from that path, you will trigger security and all bets are off. Understood? Alright, look alive. The electrical answers door should be coming up on your left.
:'''Tour Guide Tracy''': ''[offscreen]'' Okay, this way.
:'''Vic''': ''[He spots the door to the electrical room]'' Hey, look! There it is!
:''[The three animals sneak off to the electrical room without being spotted.]''
:'''Garfield''': ''[on com]'' Okay, we’re in.
:'''Otto''': ''[on com]'' Continue through and locate the air vent at the end of the hallway. That will take you to the refrigeration room.
:''[They spot the air vent at the end of the hallway]''
:'''PA Announcer''': ''[via intercom]'' Factory workers, your 15-minute break begins now.
:'''Garfield, Vic, and Odie''': Ah!
:''[They run off as employees come out the door. They walk past a janitor, not knowing it’s actually Vic, Garfield, and Odie.]''
:'''Garfield''': Blech! Ugh, your feet need a deep rinse!
:''[They remove the disguise and open the air vent. Odie and Vic get in, but Garfield gets stuck in between]''
:'''Vic''': What’s the hold up, Junior?
:'''Garfield''': How did you get through this? You’re bigger than me!
:'''Vic''': ''[his stomach gurgles]'' Am I?
:'''Garfield''': Yes!
:'''Vic''': Well, the vent don’t agree. Try sucking in your gut! ''[He and Odie start pulling at Garfield]''
:'''Garfield''': I am!
:'''Vic''': Try sucking in your butt and your gut!
:''[They pull Garfield off and they end up sliding down three separate paths. Soon, Garfield falls on the vent and plops down in the middle of a big platform. Vic and Odie arrive nearby.]''
:'''Otto''': ''[on com]'' Bullfrog, what’s happening now?
:'''Vic''': We fell out of a vent, into a room that looks like it was full of heavy machinery.
:'''Otto''': ''[on com]'' Son of a cud. You’re in the pinecone.
:'''Marge Malone''': ''[She spots Garfield in the security footage]'' Jiminy Davis! The perp is a cat, and this one looks like it could eat us out of business!
:''[Cut back to the animals, Garfield spots the loading dock in the distance]''
:'''Garfield''': Oh, Vic, Vic! Look! There’s the loading dock!
:'''Vic''': Junior! Don’t move!
:'''Garfield''': What, why?
:'''Vic''': We’re in the middle of the pinecone! Otto told us to stay out of the pinecone!
:'''Garfield''': Oh, stop. There’s no pinecone. Otto’s a bit of a worrywart. I can walk to the loading dock from here. ''[He tries to walk, but the floor opens beneath his feet, and he falls in]'' AAH!
:'''Vic''': Junior!
:'''Garfield''': ''[Then, he rises out on top of a big slice of cheddar cheese, eating part of it]'' Mmm. Oh, cheddar. Probably one of my top 26 favorite cheeses. ''[Vic stares at Odie, who shrugs. He notices a timer ticking down]'' What do you think happens when that gets to zero?
:''[It hits zero and the cheddar cheese is moved out with Garfield on it!]''
:'''Otto''': ''[on com]'' Bullfrog, what’s happening now?!
:'''Vic''': ''[on com]'' Roadkill got carried away to the pinecone!
:'''Otto''': ''[on com]'' Listen to me. You have to carry on with the mission. Get to the loading dock before the workers return from their break or you’ll miss your only chance to get that truck.
:'''Garfield''': ''[As he rides down the cheddar cheese...]'' No, no, no, ah! ''[It gets onto a grater slide]''
:'''Computer''': Shred sequence initiated.
:''[The cheddar cheese slides down, shredding bit by bit by the grater slide. Odie barking]''
:'''Garfield''': Odie! Thanks, buddy, but I’m already full from the cheddar. ''[Odie barks to Garfield to jump off the cheddar he’s on]'' Oh, jump off? Good idea! ''[He jumps off and grabs onto another piece of cheese hanging next to Odie.]
:'''Vic''': Oh, good. He’s safe.
:''[However, Garfield’s cheese piece is moving away from Odie's.]''
:'''Garfield''': Uh, hang on. Wait, where am I going? ''[He spots a sign saying, &quot;FONDUE AREA&quot;.]'' Fondue? ''[He sees approaching some giant pots of boiling melted cheese]'' Oh, no! ''[He tries to get away by jumping from cheese block to cheese block]'' 
:''[Odie barks in fear before spotting some cheese sticks being made. He grabs one and peels it to make rope. Garfield falls and is about to enter the hot fondue, but Odie lassos his friend away. However, Garfield ends up on a big block of butter. Knives drop down to cut it and Garfield dodges the blades. Odie rushes over to grab Garfield, but they're about to be cut by the blades]''
:'''Vic''': Junior! ''[As the two dodge the knives, Vic jumps to the rescue. He walks across some steamy fondue, bounces off a hot pot, and walks on more fondue. Just as the knives prepare to chop up Garfield and Odie...]'' Junior! ''[...he jumps in and saves them as the blades come down. As they pant, Vic holds up his severed tail]'' That was too close even for me.
:'''Garfield''': ''[pants]'' Thanks.
:'''Vic''': I couldn’t let you have all the fun.
:'''PA Announcer''': ''[via intercom]'' Workers, your break ends in 5 minutes. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[They all rush out to the loading dock]''
:'''Garfield''': ''[on com]'' Okay, Otto, we’re in the loading dock. Where are the keys?
:'''Otto''': ''[on com]'' They should be hanging on a pegboard on the far wall.
:''[Odie barks to Garfield]''
:'''Garfield''': What do you mean we have a problem?
:''[Odie points to the pegboard, empty of keys]''
:'''Garfield''': The pegboard is empty!
:'''Otto''': ''[on com]'' Empty?
:'''Marge Malone''': Now would you look at this? Three misguided stray pets trying to steal a truck of milk. Never a dull moment at this dairy, is there, Margie? You were looking for these, aren’t ya? Oh, here you go then. ''[She throws them the keys and Garfield tries to get them, but they reel back to her.]'' So, how’s this gonna play out, fellas? The easy way or the hard way? And just so you know, I’m up for either.
:'''Garfield''': ''[He spots a chair and nearby gets an idea]'' Follow my lead.
:'''Vic''': Huh? What?
:''[Garfield rushes to the chair and charges it toward Marge. Unfortunately, the guard binds Garfield's ankle with some restraints. Vic groans in dismay while Odie shakes his head.]''
:'''Marge Malone''': ''[cracks her neck]'' Who’s next then? ''[She chases after Vic and Odie]''
:'''Garfield''': ''[on com]'' Otto, that security guard has the truck keys!
:'''Otto''': ''[on com]'' Crazy eyes? Tragic sense of fashion?
:'''Garfield''': ''[on com]'' Yeah. How did you know?
:'''Otto''': ''[on com]'' Marge Malone. ''[Cut to a flashback showing Marge towing him away from Ethel. Flashback]'' Ethel!
:'''Ethel''': ''[flashback]'' Otto!
:''[Cut back to present day]''
:'''Otto''': ''[on com]'' She’s not just my nemesis. She’s also my… ''enemy''.
:'''Garfield''': ''[on com]'' Love to hear about it, but right now, what do we do?
:'''Otto''': ''[on com]'' Get those keys. I’ll create a distraction so you can get out of there. ''[As he runs off]'' 
:'''Marge Malone''': ''[She tries to get Vic and Odie]'' Come here, you!
:''[Garfield hops over to a janitor's bucket and uses the mop to row across the floor. Marge is about to capture the two when the mop hits her head, obscuring her vision. Garfield grabs the keys from her]''
:'''Garfield''': You see that? That’s indoor cat style!
:''[As the three rush to the truck, Marge gets the mop off her head and blocks their path before electrocuting Garfield with an electric rod.]
:'''Garfield''': AAHH!
:''[As Garfield lands in Vic and Odie's arms, the keys fly back to Marge via electric rod.]''
:'''Marge Malone''': No, no, no, no, you’re not getting away. I’ve already called the pound. Your days of thievery end today.
:''[Suddenly, the alarm blares.]''
:'''PA Announcer''': ''[via intercom]'' Attempted Perimeter breach!
:'''Marge Malone''': ''[She looks at the security footage to find Otto trying to open the gates.]'' Otto...
:'''Vic''': ''[He looks at the button and the milk truck before getting a plan with a regretful look]'' Junior, sorry about this.
:'''Garfield''': Sorry? For what? ''[Vic pushes him and Odie onto Marge, making her lose the keys. As Vic grabs the keys, Garfield is shocked]'' Vic?! ''[Vic presses the button to close the gate in front of the two and Marge. He then gets to the milk truck and turns back to look at his son with regret]'' What are you doing?! ''[Vic gets inside the milk truck]'' Vic! Don’t you go! Vic! Please! ''[Vic drives off, leaving him and Odie with Marge.]''
:'''Marge Malone''': ''[on com]'' Send security to the loading dock.
:''[Vic bursts through the gates of Lactose Farms. Otto sees Ethel standing a few feet across!]''
:'''Ethel''': Otto!
:''[Otto tries to run over to Ethel, but Marge drives in to stop him]''
:'''Marge Malone''': You do not want to try me today, mister!
:''[Workers arrive to surround Otto with electric rods while Ethel is corralled. Otto angrily roars and charges, hitting Marge's car. Marge then zaps him with the rod]''
:'''Otto''': AAH!
:'''Marge Malone''': Get him!
:''[Otto is forced to retreat while Garfield and Odie are put in the back of the pound truck.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[As Vic drives the milk truck, he spots Roland and Nolan on the road. He screams as stomps on the brake, stopping the truck while it boops Roland on the nose.]''
:'''Jinx''': ''[offscreen]'' Welcome back...''[she appears]''...Victor!
:'''Vic''': Hey, Jinx. Why you here? I was-I was bringing this to you.
:'''Jinx''': Were you? Really?
:'''Vic''': Of course it was. That’s what we agreed to, right?
:'''Jinx''': Mmm.
:'''Vic''': ''[sighs]'' So, you and me square now?
:'''Jinx''': ''[chuckles]'' Not quite. There’s still the matter of those five years I lost because of you?
:'''Vic''': What? But I thought this settled that.
:'''Jinx''': ''[laughs evilly]'' It was never about the milk. It was about you getting caught trying to steal it and being sent to the pound. Like I was. You see, Vic, I needed you to suffer. Like I did.
:'''Vic''': Oh. I see. And I’m guessing you have an idea about how that should happen.
:'''Jinx''': As a matter of fact, I do. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[In the pound truck, Garfield and Odie sulk about their failed mission after Vic betrays them.]''
:'''Garfield''': ''[heartbroken]'' I can't believe he did that. He ran out and left me...again. I thought he changed, but it was...it was a lie. All of it...''[sighs]'' How could I have been so stupid? ''[Fade to he's inside a cage in the pound]''
:'''Maurice''': Oh, come on, kid. Don’t beat yourself up. Vic, man. We’ve all been burned by Vic.
:''[The other caged cats grumble and agree]''
:'''Olivia''': Oh, yeah, the one thing about Vic you can count on is that you can’t count on him.
:'''Garfield''': Tell me about it.
:'''Maurice''': Yeah, I tell you about it. Long story short, we all used to run in a pack until we had to kick him off the crew.
:''[The cats chatter in agreement]''
:'''Olivia''': Like I said, couldn’t count on him.
:'''Garfield''': Sounds about right.
:'''Snickers''': He’d leave in the middle of the job just to go see his kid.
:'''Maurice''': Yeah. He said he wanted to check up on him. Make sure he was doing okay.
:'''Olivia''': But get this, he never actually visits. He’d just sit across the street from his kid’s house in a giant oak tree.
:'''Garfield''': That never happened.
:'''Olivia''': He watched that kid eat and eat...
:'''Cats''': ...And eat and eat and eat...
:'''Snickers''': He put a notch in the bark. Every time he was there.
:'''Garfield''': ''[sarcastic]'' Oh, yeah. Sure he did.
:'''Olivia''': And he’d go every Sunday night rain or shine. Said that it was his kid's...
:'''Cats''': Family dinner night.
:'''Garfield''': Okay, hate to tell you guys, I guaranteed that never happened. Okay? You all fell for another one of Vic’s lies. We all have ‘cause that’s what he does best. ''[Just then, Odie arrives outside Garfield’s cage.]'' Odie! Odie! How’d you get out? Quick! Pick the lock on my cage!
:'''Jon''': ''[arrives at the pound]'' Garfield! There you are!
:'''Garfield''': Jon! Oh, take me away from all of this! You can’t imagine what I’ve been through!
:'''Female Pound Worker''': You want this one, too?
:'''Jon''': Uh, yes, I do.
:'''Female Pound Worker''': You sure he's yours? He didn't have a tag.
:'''Jon''': Uh-huh. Yeah. Oh, he has a tag. ''[shows her the collar and tag on Garfield’s neck]''
:'''Garfield''': ''[dumbfounded]'' I have a collar and a tag? How long have I had those?
:'''Female Pound Worker''': OK, I’m just gonna need you to hold…
:'''Jon''': ''[snaps]'' '''I WILL NOT HOLD! I AM DONE HOLDING! THE JON WHO WAS ON HOLD IS DEAD! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Soon, Garfield and Odie are back home!]''
:'''Garfield''': That’s right! I’m back, baby! ''[rushes over to his favorite chair]'' I was just talking about you, wasn’t I? ''[presses the button to put it in recliner mode]'' Oh, I’ve missed you, too. ''[turns on the TV to watch Catflix, then rushes over to Pooky and his bed]'' Pooky! I have a lot to tell you. You’re never gonna believe it. Crazy stuff happened. I slept outside twice! I know. Oh, and I made you this commemorative pin. ''[gets out a pin and puts it on Pooky]''
:'''Jon''': ''[offscreen]'' Dinner time!
:'''Garfield''': Talk later! ''[kisses Pooky and runs off]'' 
:''[Garfield gets on the stair railing, slides down, jumps off, and floats down with an umbrella. He dances over to the dinner table, where Jon serves up lasagna for dinner. Garfield takes in the smell and Jon grates cheese on top of the food]''
:'''Jon''': Say when?
:'''Garfield''': Never, Jon! Bury me in cheese!
:'''Jon''': I have two more in the freezer. Let me know when you want them. ''[timer dings]'' I’m gonna go check on dessert.
:'''Garfield''': Oh, I apologize in advance. ''[gets out a fork and a knife]'' The eating you are about to see will not be pretty. And if you have young children, this would be a good time for them to leave the room.
:'''Odie''': Mm-hmm!
:''[Garfield prepares to dig in until he notices a giant oak tree across the house.]''
:'''Olivia''': ''[voiceover]'' He’d just sit across the street from his kid’s house in a giant oak tree.
:'''Garfield''': ''[He gets up from his seat and walks away. His stomach growls and tries to steer him back to the table]'' I know, I know. We’re coming back. ''[his stomach growls]'' I just need to check something out first. ''[He leaves the house and walks to the oak tree, causing a bit of traffic along the way]''
:'''Snickers''': ''[voiceover]'' He put a notch in the bark. Every time he was there.
:'''Garfield''': ''[He climbs up the tree and looks around for a notch]'' He left a notch. ''[sighs]'' Yeah, right. ''[He looks up to see one notch followed by tons of notches scratched everywhere on the tree]'' He was here. He saw me grow up.
:''[Odie barks from below and Garfield uses his claws to slide down the tree]''
:'''Garfield''': Oh. Ow. Wow. That really stings. I don’t know why I didn’t think it would. Give me a second. ''[gets off the tree and hugs Odie]'' Vic loves us! Me first, of course, but then you too, but me a lot. At first. ''[Odie scoffs]'' Wait, wait, wait, wait, but if he loves me, us, why would he let me, us, get captured at the dairy? Unless...''[gasps]'' he wanted us to get captured! ''[As he walks down the street, he causes more traffic]''
:'''Driver''': Hey, watch it!
:'''Garfield''': Yes! He knew that Jinx wasn’t going to let him off the hook, but if we got caught, we get sent to the pound and Jon would come and get us! ''[Odie gets him off the road]'' Don’t you see, Odie? He was trying to save us! 
:'''Driver''': ''[offscreen]'' Losers!
:'''Garfield''': We have to go save my dad.
:''[Back in the kitchen, Jon wheels in a big candy volcano.]''
:'''Jon''': And here’s your favorite dessert, Mount Candy-toa! ''[notices they’re gone]'' Uh, guys? ''[He sees the two pets leaving and the volcano erupts, covering the entire kitchen and himself in candy.]'' Oh, come on! 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Garfield and Odie head back to the mall, where they find Jinx’s big board]''
:'''Garfield''': What is this? ''[They see pictures of Vic being scratched out before seeing a negative review on Mamma Leoni’s. Gasps in horrified]'' Half a star for Mamma Leoni’s?! ''[Growls in anger]'' She’s a monster! ''[Then, they see drawings of what Jinx plans to do to Vic.]'' She’s gonna tie him up... take him on a train...''[gasps]'' She’s gonna throw him off the Mile High Bridge! We’re gonna need help. But who can we call? ''[Odie gets out an acorn earpiece. Gasps]'' Ugh, you got a waxy buildup. What’s your q-tip routine? ''[Odie groans]'' You’re right, you’re right. We can deal with this situation later. ''[puts the acorn piece in his ear]'' Hello? Hello? Is anyone there? Hello?
:'''Otto''': ''[on com]'' Get off the line. This acorn call is for emergency use only.
:'''Garfield''': ''[on com]'' Otto! Otto, please listen. I wanna make good on our original deal. But.. But I need a favor first. ''[a beat]'' Otto, are you still there or are you taking a dramatic pause?
:'''Otto''': ''[on com; then]'' I’m listening.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[In the train, Vic is tied up while hanging upside down]''
:'''Jinx''': You know, Vic, you only have yourself to blame for this.
:''[Roland plays the violin for dramatic music]''
:'''Vic''': Right. Look, there’s got to be some way for me to make this right. I mean, I know we can think of something.
:'''Jinx''': Oh, there is, and you will.
:''[Roland continues playing while Nolan uses a flashlight for dramatic lighting. As the train goes down the track...]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Garfield and Otto approach the tree]''
:'''Garfield''': So, once I get on the train, I untie Vic and we jump off right as the train gets to the bridge.
:'''Otto''': Correct. Chipmunk will be waiting for you.
:''[Cut to Odie, he has made a net at the bottom of a cliff with spikes]''
:'''Otto''': ''[on com]'' Confirm your status, Chipmunk.
:''[Odie barks with a thumbs-up. Otto pulls back the branch while Garfield puts on his stunt suit]''
:'''Otto''': If you don’t jump right as the train gets to the bridge, you’ll miss the net.
:'''Garfield''': Got it. It’s getting close.
:'''Otto''': Have you considered throwing a rope over a branch and just swinging onto the passing train instead?
:'''Garfield''': You watch too much TV.
:'''Otto''': I’ve never watched TV.
:'''Garfield''': This way is much better than your rope idea.
:'''Otto''': Better than the versatile, reliable rope?
:'''Garfield''': Look, I’ve studied the science. I know what I’m doing.
:'''Otto''': And you think you can battle these villains on your own?
:'''Garfield''': Oh, yeah. I have a plan. ''[speaks on com]'' Odie, make the order.
:''[Odie barks and gets out Jon’s phone, confirming a new delivery]''
:'''Garfield''': Now get ready to fling me in the direction of that moving train. ''[As the train approaches...]'' Get ready. If I don’t make it back, tell my story. ''[The train comes near]'' Now! ''[Otto lets go of the branch, sending him flying]''
:'''Otto''': ''[on com]'' Roadkill, you’re too high! You’re gonna miss it!
:'''Garfield''': ''[on com]'' No, no, this is how you do it. It’s called a ricochet approach. ''[He gets kicked off by a billy goat, knocking him out of his suit. Then, he bounces off Otto’s belly]'' 
:''[Cut to the train, Jinx sees a sign saying, &quot;MILE HIGH BRIDGE - 5 MILES AHEAD&quot;.]''
:'''Jinx''': ''[laughs evilly]'' It won’t be long now! I can’t tell you how excited I am for what’s about to happen next!
:''[Suddenly, Garfield flies into her, knocking her into Roland and Nolan. He then runs over to his dad.]''
:'''Garfield''': Dad, I’m here to rescue you!
:'''Vic''': No, no, no, no, no, Junior, get out of here!
:'''Garfield''': I'm gonna untie you and we're gonna jump off the train!
:'''Vic''': NO, JUST LEAVE ME AND GO!
:'''Garfield''': I DIDN'T COME THIS FAR JUST TO TURN AROUND! LET ME UNTIE YOU!
:'''Jinx''': ''[grabs a nearby axe; enraged]'' You’re ruining everything! ''[She swings it down, but Garfield has it cut the rope instead, freeing Vic.]''
:'''Garfield''': Hurry! This way. ''[He and Vic carefully walk the side of the train car. As Garfield spots a ladder close by, Jinx summons her henchdogs]''
:'''Jinx''': ''[groans]'' You half-wit! Get them!
:''[Garfield climbs to the top of the car. Vic tries to cross when Roland opens the door and tries to grab him. Vic throws the rope to Garfield, and he pulls him up. They see some oncoming branches and dodge them. Garfield sees the sign saying, &quot;MILE HIGH BRIDGE - 3 MILES AHEAD&quot;.]''
:'''Garfield''': The bridge is coming up! We gotta get to the caboose now!
:'''Vic''': What? Why?
:'''Garfield''': Just follow my lead!
:''[As they run toward the caboose, Roland appears in front of their path. They turn back, only to see Nolan. The two cats are surrounded.]''
:'''Roland''': Oy, kitty cat. Do you really expect to take on us all by yourself?
:'''Garfield''': No. I brought...''takeout''.
:'''Roland''': Huh? 
:'''Nolan''': Huh?
:''[Up in the sky, we see tons of drones flying in with deliveries as the Top Gun theme plays. Garfield gets out of the rope and grabs onto a drone, flying up. He stuffs meatballs in his mouth and jumps down onto the train car, shooting them like a machine gun. They hit Nolan away and Jinx growls at this. Then, Garfield gets onto another drone to pour dressing on the salad. He throws the salad on the roof, making Roland slip on it.]''
:'''Garfield''': I never understood the purpose of salad until...''[he throws a salad leaf away]''...this exact moment.
:''[Vic trips Roland. However, Garfield sees another sign saying, &quot;MILE HIGH BRIDGE - 1 MILE AHEAD&quot;. Time is running out! He flies over to his dad]''
:'''Garfield''': Go, go! Now! ''[He and Vic head toward the caboose]''
:'''Jinx''': Get after them!
:''[Roland chases them down. As Vic tries to jump, the big dog pulls him back by the rope. Garfield turns back and grabs a season shaker to pour it on Roland's eyes, stinging him. The cat hops over from one box to another]''
:'''Garfield''': Yeah, in case you were wondering, I do my own stunts. Me...and [[w:Tom Cruise|Tom Cruise]].
:''[Jinx grabs the box he's on, spins him around, and throws him off]''
:'''Vic''': Junior!
:''[Luckily, Garfield gets on another. Vic cheers for his son]''
:'''Jinx''': ''[to her hench-dogs]'' Stop him!
:''[Garfield hops across a path of pizza boxes and grabs a container of Mamma Leoni's Hot Sauce. He opens it and gulps the sauce down. He then gets on the train car and breathes fire at the villains, scaring them off.]''
:'''Vic''': Now that’s amazing!
:'''Garfield''': ''[his tongue numb]'' I can’t feel my tongue!
:'''Otto''': ''[on com]'' Roadkill, are you at the caboose ready to jump?
:''[Garfield sees the caboose being a few train cars away. He sees a hanging tree branch and gets an idea. He uses the rope to catch the branch and swing him and his father to the caboose. However, the two cats hang by both sides of the car. Vic makes it while Garfield flies around and runs across a wall]''
:'''Garfield''': Dad! Dad!
:'''Vic''': Jump, Junior! I’ll catch you!
:''[Garfield jumps and Vic catches him. He pulls his son in for a hug, but they see the villains glaring from inside the car. Garfield sees a sign reading, &quot;MILE HIGH BRIDGE AHEAD&quot;. They have arrived at the Mile High Bridge!]''
:'''Vic''': What do we do now?
:'''Garfield''': We do this! ''[He pushes Vic off the train.]''
:'''Vic''': '''AHHHHH!'''
:'''Garfield''': See you, everyone! ''[He falls off but notices his dad flying up]''
:'''Vic''': ''[flying up]'' The net’s too tight!
:'''Otto''': ''[on com]'' Roadkill, the net is too tight!
:'''Garfield''': ''[on com]'' I heard! ''[He bounces off the net and he and his father crash through the caboose]''
:'''Jinx''': Hello again! Welcome back. Now, where were we? ''[Soon, the two dogs hang Garfield and Vic over the side of the train, ready to drop them]'' No, no, don’t throw them over just yet! I want to find the perfect place for them to make the biggest splat.
:'''Vic''': Hey, Junior. Junior, Junior.
:'''Jinx''': Get ready! Almost there!
:'''Garfield''': Sorry my rescue didn’t work out.
:'''Vic''': No, you gave me another chance. That’s all that matters.
:''[Garfield smiles at his father. Roland and Nolan see this, touched at the father and son moment]''
:'''Jinx''': Now! Now! Drop them now! ''[gasps]'' What are you waiting for?!
:''[However, the two dogs refuse to drop Garfield and Vic.]''
:'''Roland''': Their love for one another indicates that despite their current circumstance, they are at peace. ''[Nolan nods]'' Because...they are together.
:'''Jinx''': So?
:'''Nolan''': If the point of your revenge was to hurt them...It has done the opposite. It’s actually textbook irony!
:'''Roland''': And we’re no longer comfortable with your plan! ''[Nolan nods]''
:'''Jinx''': You two are still as weak as you were when I found you sniveling in the pound! ''[imitates Roland]'' &quot;Oooh, no one will adopt us. I never grew into my folds. I hide behind them because I'm socially awkward.&quot; ''[imitates Nolan]'' &quot;Please! Somebody love me! Even if I can’t sit still for more than 10 seconds and have the attention span of A BLOODY GOLDFISH!&quot;
:'''Roland''': We did everything you ever asked of us. I even spoke with this ridiculous accent to make you feel more at home! But no more! ''[speaks in a Brooklyn accent]'' I’m New York, loud and proud! I love myself the way I am, and I’m a big, brave boy, baby!
:'''Nolan''': I’ve been working on my attention span! ''[notices a hot air balloon and gasps]'' Is that a hot air balloon?
:'''Jinx''': ''[growls as her mood necklace turns red, furiously; last words before her defeat]'' You two... ARE... '''WORTHLESS!''' ''[She pushes her former hench-dogs along with Garfield and Vic off the train. She laughs evilly, only to get knocked off by an overpass.]''
:'''Garfield, Vic, Roland, and Nolan''': ''[scream]''  
:''[As Garfield, Vic, Roland, and Nolan fall, they all grab hands and Roland’s folds open up like a parachute, floating them safely down]''
:'''Garfield''': Might I just say, as someone else with a zaftig figure, you have a beautiful body, sir.
:'''Roland''': Oh, dear!
:''[Unfortunately, they give way and they resume falling down. Just then, Otto swings in on rope, saving them all]''
:'''Otto''': Rope. Versatile. Reliable.
:'''Garfield''': There’s something about your cadence that really throws me, but thank you.
:''[Otto also grabs the falling Jinx and sets the five of them on the net. Jinx ends up getting stuck. Nolan cackles at this.]''
:'''Roland''': Tee-hee.
:''[Odie licks Garfield before embracing him]''
:'''Vic''': Tossing me off the train? Did not see that coming.
:'''Garfield''': Well, when you live in the wild, you gotta keep your head on a swivel.
:'''Vic''': Right.
:'''Garfield''': ''[eats a leaf]'' It’s basic Outdoor Cat 101.... ''[then]'' And that had bird poop on it! ''[spits it out]''
:'''Otto''': Hey, you good, Roadkill?
:'''Garfield''': Not quite. There’s one last thing to take care of. Cut to...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Cut to nighttime on a bridge, away from the city. Marge drives up to meet with a mystery figure holding a kennel.]''
:'''Garfield''': ''[voiceover]'' It was a dark and foggy night. The air was damp and heavier than a broken pipe. On nights like this, you can’t swing a cat without hitting shady characters making shady deals all over town. ''[Marge flashes headlights at the figure, who flashes his flashlight back. Voiceover]'' Oh, but this night was going to be different. Justice was about to be served with a helping of retribution on the side.
:'''Marge Malone''': ''[She steps out of the truck]'' Is that the package?
:'''Garfield''': ''[disguised voice]'' It is.
:'''Marge Malone''': Well, we have a deal. ''[She whistles and Ethel steps out of the truck]''
:'''Garfield''': ''[disguised voice]'' No one will come looking for her?
:'''Marge Malone''': Nope. I did what you said. I burned her paperwork, and then shredded it, and burned it some more. It’s like she never existed. Except for the image of her face on millions of dairy products.
:''[Ethel comes over to the figure, who gives Marge the kennel and some keys. The mystery figure is actually the three animals with Garfield using the same Critter Talk app to mask his voice]''
:'''Garfield''': ''[disguised voice]'' This...never happened.
:'''Marge Malone''': Agreed. ''[She leaves with the cage, revealing Jinx inside it. She growls at Marge]'' Oh, save it, Cat Fancy! I know you planned the milk truck heist and then tried to throw those innocent cats off a train to cover it up. The boys told me everything.
:''[Jinx sees her former henchdogs now working for Marge. She hisses at them. Meanwhile, Ethel looks around until she finds Otto. They are reunited at last!]''
:'''Ethel''': Otto! ''[hugs Otto]'' You are my day.
:'''Otto''': You are my night.
:''[Otto and Ethel stare lovingly at each other. Otto sprays cologne in his mouth and prepares to kiss her, but Ethel leaps onto him and they both have a romantic kiss.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[The next morning, Garfield, Odie, and Vic arrive at Jon’s house]''
:'''Garfield''': Uh...''[sighs]'' Well, this is us.
:'''Vic''': Right. Your home. I just..
:'''Garfield''': I just wanted to say I’m sorry.
:'''Vic''': I’m sorry. What are you sorry for?
:'''Garfield''': For misjudging you.
:'''Vic''': Oh. Well, thanks. Well, I just wanted to apologize to you for…
:'''Garfield''': Everything bad that happened to us the last three days?
:'''Vic''': You know, you had your hand in a few bad decisions back there, too, but...''[sighs]'' Yeah, I’m sorry for dragging you into my world. This is where you belong here. Here with Jon and...''[to Odie]'' what’s your name again? Odor?
:'''Odie''': Huh?! ''[growls then pants happily before hugging Vic]''
:'''Vic''': So, um, I should go.
:'''Garfield''': Yeah, yeah. I mean, unless you want to come in.
:'''Vic''': I don’t know. I don’t think that would work. I’m...I’m an outdoor cat.
:'''Garfield''': Right. Sure, sure. No, I just...I figured...
:'''Vic''': No, no, no, I get it. But you know, I got this thing on the other side of town I gotta go do, so...
:'''Garfield''': No, I’m very busy, too. Yeah.
:'''Vic''': See you around then?
:'''Garfield''': You know where to find me.
:'''Vic''': In the kitchen. Well, take care. And remember, ''[imitates Otto]'' stay out of the pinecone. ''[He leaves the two alone and Odie barks at Garfield]''
:'''Garfield''': What? You heard him. It’s for the best.
:'''Odie''': ''[shakes his head]'' Mm-mm.
:''[They go inside the house and reunite with their owner]''
:'''Jon''': Oh, you’re back! What is going on? Are you okay? I was so worried! I was gonna add more locks to the door. You know, try to keep you in, but then I thought, well, what if they wanted to be outdoor pets? Do you want to be free range? ''[They shake their heads “no”. Sighs in relief]'' I really missed you, guys, and I gotta say it’s great to be together again, the whole entire family. You have no idea what the last few days have been like: phone calls and hold times and tears...
:''[As Jon talks, Odie barks to Garfield]''
:'''Garfield''': Don’t give me that. I asked him to stay. ''[Odie grumbles]'' He wanted to leave. ''[Odie groans]'' You heard him. He said he had to...''[Odie growls]'' Well, I-I...''[Odie growls again; groans]'' Fine. I’ll be right back. ''[He heads out of the house]''
:'''Jon Arbuckle''': Wait! Wait! What?! Am I using trigger words that I’m not aware of? ''[Odie pats his shoulder]'' 
:''[In outside, Garfield running far away and he stops and he look sideways of the neighborhood, and then Garfield approaches the oak tree where his father is.]''
:'''Garfield''': So, you coming in or do we have to bring food up there to you?
:'''Vic''': I’ll come to you. I just need to finish something up here. ''[He comes down, Garfield hugs him in embrace, and they head back to the house]''
:'''Garfield''': You know, those notches show how much you love me.
:'''Vic''': Is that what you think of me?
:'''Garfield''': Yep.
:'''Vic''': Nah, I was just counting how many slices of lasagna you ate. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[Last lines; cut to Garfield preparing food]''
:'''Garfield''': ''[voiceover]'' My medium is cuisine. My colors are flavors. My palette is my palette, if you will. ''[Soon, He's done making food. Though it doesn’t look appetizing]'' Dinner is served.
:''[Odie uses a fire extinguisher to put out the flames in the oven]''
:'''Vic''': Wow, son! I didn’t know you could cook.
:'''Garfield''': Ah, yes. ''[as he tries to pull out a piece]'' Pasta is my paint and the dinner plate is my canvas. ''[puts out a piece with a saltshaker in it]'' Oh, so that’s where that went. ''[He gives a piece to Vic, who tries it]''
:'''Vic''': I had worse. ''[laughs]''
:''[Garfield serves Odie and Jon a few more pieces]''
:'''Jon''': Thank you, Garfield. ''[notices Vic eating up]'' Uh, is he gonna be coming around for dinner often?
:'''Garfield''': Yeah. He's family.
:''[Odie barks, Jon and Garfield laughing. But suddenly, Jon receives a notification on his phone.]''
:'''Jon''': What? Why do I have a take-out bill for 6,000 drone deliveries?!
:''[Garfield shushes the audience. We cut to a montage of Vic and Garfield living together. Vic uses a Walmart app to purchase a big chair on wheels to join his son. Then, they eat out food from the fridge. Next, they eat their pizza the same way Garfield did in the opening before picking their teeth clean. At the restaurant, they, along with Odie, disguise themselves to order food. On the bed, Garfield lies on Jon’s face and Vic lies on top of him, breaking the bed down from his weight. Cut to them riding in Jon’s car while sticking their heads out the windows. Jinx is seen doing community service by cleaning up trash. She throws her grabber and helmet down in anger. At Garfield’s birthday party, everyone is invited. Otto, Ethel, Liz, Marla, Vito, Vic’s old cat gang, the token animals, Roland and Nolan...Even Nermal appears, asking for a slice of cake. Garfield glares at him. Finally, Jon puts up a big picture of him and his pets, including Vic.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:''[After the credits, we fade to a three-panel comic strip in the style of Jim Davis.]''
:'''Garfield''': Why are you still here? Oh! I know! You're waiting for the sequel!

== Cast ==
*'''[[w:Chris Pratt|Chris Pratt]]''' — [[w:Garfield (character)|Garfield]]
*'''[[w:Harvey Guillén|Harvey Guillén]]''' — [[w:List of Garfield characters#Odie|Odie]]
*'''[[w:Samuel L. Jackson|Samuel L. Jackson]]''' — Vic
*'''[[w:Hannah Waddingham|Hannah Waddingham]]''' — Jinx
*'''[[w:Ving Rhames|Ving Rhames]]''' — Otto
*'''[[Nicholas Hoult]]''' — [[w:Jon Arbuckle|Jon Arbuckle]]
*'''[[w:Cecily Strong|Cecily Strong]]''' — Marge Malone
*'''[[w:Brett Goldstein|Brett Goldstein]]''' — Roland
*'''[[w:Bowen Yang|Bowen Yang]]''' — Nolan
*'''[[Snoop Dogg]]''' — Maurice
*'''[[w:Janelle James|Janelle James]]''' — Olivia
*'''[[w:Angus Cloud|Angus Cloud]]''' — Snickers
*'''[[Jeff Foxworthy]]''' — Zapped Bird
*'''[[w:Eugenia Caruso|Eugenia Caruso]]''' — Maria
*'''Cameron Bernard Jones''' — Barry, Lactose Farms Phone Operator #1
*'''Alicia Grace Turrell''' — Ethel, Lactose Farms Phone Operator #2
*'''Dev Joshi''' — [[w:List of Garfield characters#Dr. Liz Wilson|Liz Wilson]]

== External Links ==
{{Wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title| id=5779228| title=The Garfield Movie}}
* {{rotten-tomatoes|id=the_garfield_movie|title=The Garfield Movie}}

[[Category:2024 films]]
[[Category:2020s American animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated comedy films]]
[[Category:Garfield films]]
[[Category:Animated films about cats]]
[[Category:Animated films about dogs]]
[[Category:Films set on trains]]
[[Category:Animated films about father–son relationships]]
[[Category:Animated films about revenge]]
[[Category:Animated films based on comics]]
[[Category:Reboot films]]
[[Category:Films directed by Mark Dindal]]
[[Category:American 3D animated films]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Roseanne A. Brown</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
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    <revision>
      <id>3942502</id>
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      <timestamp>2026-05-18T19:46:32Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>−[[Category:Women from Ghana]]; ±[[Category:Women authors]]→[[Category:Women authors from Ghana]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]]</comment>
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      <text bytes="2514" sha1="stkekp4duobvhkyl813dmct11eer0mw" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Roseanne A. Brown|Roseanne A. Brown]]''' (born August 26, 1995) is a [[w:Ghanaian Americans|Ghanaian American]] writer of fantasy, science fiction and [[w:young adult fiction|young adult fiction]].

== Quotes ==
=== ''[[w:A Song of Wraiths and Ruin|A Song of Wraiths and Ruin]]'' (2020) ===
*Do not underestimate the strength it takes to be kind in a world as cruel as ours.

*Slaves deserve to be remembered just as much as queens.

*First, a story ends when it ends, and not a moment before. If you are unhappy with this ending, make a new one.

*The past devours those naive enough to forget it.

*The pain you have endured does not justify the pain you inflict on others.

*This is my mind. I am the strongest person here.

*Nothing good can come of a place that refuses to see the pain of the people on whose backs it was built.

*....to aid even one person is to save an entire world.

*The people we lose never truly leave, but that only we get to define how they stay.

*Teach me what you know.

*Life is full of cheaters [...] If you're playing fair, you're not playing to win.

*I don't think you're weak for being scared. I don't think you could be as strong as you are if you weren't.

*If I asked you to catch me the moon with your bare hands, how would you do it?&quot; she asked suddenly. Adil closed his eyes, and Karina could not stop staring at the way the gold light illuminated his dark skin. When the moon began to set, I'd wait with my hands beneath it until it sank right into them. And then I'd turn around and give it to you. He turned to his side and gave Karina a shy smile. But that's a stupid answer, isn't it?

*The best way to honor them would be to take them with her toward whatever lay on the other side of that marvelous sunrise.

*You tear yourself down for things you could not have known or done... why punish a seed for not yet being a tree.

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
*[https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/65116439-a-song-of-wraiths-and-ruin#:~:text=The%20pain%20you%20have%20endured,pain%20you%20inflict%20on%20others.&amp;text=This%20is%20my%20mind.,am%20the%20strongest%20person%20here.&amp;text=Nothing%20good%20can%20come%20of,whose%20backs%20it%20was%20built. Goodreads]

{{DEFAULTSORT:Brown, Roseanne}}
[[Category:Novelists from Ghana]]
[[Category:Fantasy authors]]
[[Category:Science fiction authors]]
[[Category:Young adult authors]]
[[Category:Women authors from Ghana]]
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  <page>
    <title>Mariama Bâ</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
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      <comment>−[[Category:Women from Senegal]]; ±[[Category:Women authors]]→[[Category:Women authors from Senegal]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]]</comment>
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      <text bytes="4284" sha1="kkbcd8xz3fhx43byauy1rvqpv76sh45" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Mariama Bâ vers 1958 Unesco Domaine public.jpg|thumb|Portrait of Mariama Bâ]]
'''[[w:Mariama Bâ|Mariama Bâ]]''' (April 17, 1929 – August 17, 1981) was a Senegalese author and feminist, whose two French-language novels were both translated into more than a dozen languages.

== Quotes ==
=== ''[[w:Scarlet Song|Scarlet Song]]'' (1981)===
* Whenever he felt himself beginning to fancy any girl, after the Ouleymatou experience, the memory of her mocking indifference and his own disillusionment had made him fiercely determined to nip any emotional attachment in the bud.

* Ousmane Gueye, who had mistrusted all women, threw himself at the mercy of a woman, and a white woman at that.

* Was he a possible partner for Mireille? Could he assume such a mutation.

* A Toubab can’t be a proper daughter-in-law. She’ll only have eyes for her man. We’ll mean nothing to her.

* We saw everything through the same eyes before we were married… But now we seem to be divided over everything.

* Love knows no bounds, but sometimes society does.

* The truth can be a harsh and cruel reality.

* In the face of misogyny and injustice, the only hope is escape.
* “Friendship has splendors that love knows not. It grows stronger when crossed, whereas obstacles kill love. Friendship resists time, which wearies and severs couples. It has heights unknown to love.&quot;
* “The flavour of life is love. The salt of life is also love.”
* “Each life has its share of heroism, an obscure heroism, born of abdication, of renunciation and acceptance under the merciless whip of fate.”
* “The most humble of huts is pleasing when it is clean; the most luxurious setting offers no attraction if it is covered in dust.”
* “Teachers – at kindergarten level, as at university level – form a noble army accomplishing daily feats, never praised, never decorated. An army without drums, without gleaming uniforms. This army, thwarting traps and snares, everywhere plants the flag of knowledge and morality.”
* “Books saved you. Having become your refuge, they sustained you. The power of books, this marvelous invention of astute human intelligence. Various signs associated with sound: different sounds that form the word. Juxtaposition of words from which springs the idea, Thought, History, Science, Life. Sole instrument of interrelationships and of culture, unparalleled means of giving and receiving. Books knit generations together in the same continuing effort that leads to progress. They enabled you to better yourself. What society refused you, they granted.”
** [https://brittlepaper.com/2020/04/celebrating-mariama-ba-the-flavor-of-life-is-love/ Celebrating Mariama Bâ | “The Flavor of Life is Love”],April 17, 2020 by [https://brittlepaper.com/author/brittle-paper/ Brittle Paper] 
* “The word ‘happiness’ does indeed have meaning, doesn’t it? I shall go out in search of it.”
* “A nervous breakdown waits around the corner for anyone who lets himself wallow in bitterness. Little by little, it takes over your whole being.”
* “A woman must marry the man who loves her, but never the one she loves; that is the secret of lasting happiness.”
* “Each life has its share of heroism, an obscure heroism, born of abdication, of renunciation and acceptance under the merciless whip of fate.”
* “In a word, a man’s success depends on feminine support.”
* “Try explaining to them that a working woman is no less responsible for her home. Try explaining to them that nothing is done if you do not step in, that you have to see to everything, do everything all over again: cleaning up, cooking, ironing. There are the children to be washed, the husband to be looked after. The working woman has a dual task, of which both halves, equally arduous, must be reconciled.”
** [https://forreadingaddicts.co.uk/quotes-from-mariama-ba-a-modern-muslim-woman/ Quotes from Mariama Bâ a Modern Muslim Woman]

== [https://forreadingaddicts.co.uk/quotes-from-mariama-ba-a-modern-muslim-woman/ External links] ==
{{wikipedia}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Bâ, Mariama}}
[[Category:Novelists from Senegal]]
[[Category:Women authors from Senegal]]
[[Category:Feminists]]
[[Category:1929 births]]
[[Category:1981 deaths]]
[[Category:Women born in the 1920s]]</text>
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      <text bytes="4204" sha1="i3rnq2zubjv52q9jthqusrty7t3vexy" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Mariama Bâ vers 1958 Unesco Domaine public.jpg|thumb|Portrait of Mariama Bâ]]
'''[[w:Mariama Bâ|Mariama Bâ]]''' (April 17, 1929 – August 17, 1981) was a Senegalese author and feminist, whose two French-language novels were both translated into more than a dozen languages.

== Quotes ==
=== ''[[w:Scarlet Song|Scarlet Song]]'' (1981)===
* Whenever he felt himself beginning to fancy any girl, after the Ouleymatou experience, the memory of her mocking indifference and his own disillusionment had made him fiercely determined to nip any emotional attachment in the bud.

* Ousmane Gueye, who had mistrusted all women, threw himself at the mercy of a woman, and a white woman at that.

* Was he a possible partner for Mireille? Could he assume such a mutation.

* A Toubab can’t be a proper daughter-in-law. She’ll only have eyes for her man. We’ll mean nothing to her.

* We saw everything through the same eyes before we were married… But now we seem to be divided over everything.

* Love knows no bounds, but sometimes society does.

* The truth can be a harsh and cruel reality.

* In the face of misogyny and injustice, the only hope is escape.
* “Friendship has splendors that love knows not. It grows stronger when crossed, whereas obstacles kill love. Friendship resists time, which wearies and severs couples. It has heights unknown to love.&quot;
* “The flavour of life is love. The salt of life is also love.”
* “Each life has its share of heroism, an obscure heroism, born of abdication, of renunciation and acceptance under the merciless whip of fate.”
* “The most humble of huts is pleasing when it is clean; the most luxurious setting offers no attraction if it is covered in dust.”
* “Teachers – at kindergarten level, as at university level – form a noble army accomplishing daily feats, never praised, never decorated. An army without drums, without gleaming uniforms. This army, thwarting traps and snares, everywhere plants the flag of knowledge and morality.”
* “Books saved you. Having become your refuge, they sustained you. The power of books, this marvelous invention of astute human intelligence. Various signs associated with sound: different sounds that form the word. Juxtaposition of words from which springs the idea, Thought, History, Science, Life. Sole instrument of interrelationships and of culture, unparalleled means of giving and receiving. Books knit generations together in the same continuing effort that leads to progress. They enabled you to better yourself. What society refused you, they granted.”
** [https://brittlepaper.com/2020/04/celebrating-mariama-ba-the-flavor-of-life-is-love/ Celebrating Mariama Bâ | “The Flavor of Life is Love”],April 17, 2020 by [https://brittlepaper.com/author/brittle-paper/ Brittle Paper] 
* “The word ‘happiness’ does indeed have meaning, doesn’t it? I shall go out in search of it.”
* “A nervous breakdown waits around the corner for anyone who lets himself wallow in bitterness. Little by little, it takes over your whole being.”
* “A woman must marry the man who loves her, but never the one she loves; that is the secret of lasting happiness.”
* “Each life has its share of heroism, an obscure heroism, born of abdication, of renunciation and acceptance under the merciless whip of fate.”
* “In a word, a man’s success depends on feminine support.”
* “Try explaining to them that a working woman is no less responsible for her home. Try explaining to them that nothing is done if you do not step in, that you have to see to everything, do everything all over again: cleaning up, cooking, ironing. There are the children to be washed, the husband to be looked after. The working woman has a dual task, of which both halves, equally arduous, must be reconciled.”
** [https://forreadingaddicts.co.uk/quotes-from-mariama-ba-a-modern-muslim-woman/ Quotes from Mariama Bâ a Modern Muslim Woman]

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Bâ, Mariama}}
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[[Category:Feminists]]
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    <title>Joy Adamson</title>
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      <text bytes="2172" sha1="h0edisy2lxrdds1j93hwfw9okqbpgwc" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Diana Muldaur Born Free 1974.jpg|thumb|Diana Muldaur as Joy Adamson from the television program Born Free (1974)]]

'''[[w:Joy Adamson|Friederike Victoria''' &quot;'''Joy'''&quot; '''Adamson]]''' ([[20 January]] [[1910]] – [[3 January]] [[1980]]) was a naturalist, artist and author. Her book, ''[[Born Free]]'', which chronicles her experiences raising a lion cub named Elsa, has been translated into multiple languages and adapted into an Academy Award-winning film of the same name.

== Quotes ==

* '''Only one thing is certain. People get out of [[life]] exactly what they put into it.'''
** Written by Adamson in her autobiography, ''The Searching Spirit: Joy Adamson's Autobiography'', published in 1979. “&lt;small&gt;{{ISBN|0-151-79919-9}}&lt;/small&gt;

* '''I well remember the time, after the [[First World War]], when one needed a tillion-mark note to buy a dozen eggs. Since paper, however, was still valuable, the bank notes were stored in gigantic silos which stood in the yards of our factories. In these we children made tunnels and played among the billions and trillions — a strange introduction to [[money]], but perhaps it helped me to realize how worthless it can become when man-made [[values]] change.'''
** Written by Adamson in her autobiography, ''The Searching Spirit: Joy Adamson's Autobiography'', published in 1979. “&lt;small&gt;{{ISBN|0-151-79919-9}}&lt;/small&gt;

* '''Millions of people had been uprooted by the [[war]] and could not adapt themselves to a new way of life. On the other hand, certain people had grown rich and [[powerful]].'''
** Written by Adamson in her autobiography, ''The Searching Spirit: Joy Adamson's Autobiography'', published in 1979. “&lt;small&gt;{{ISBN|0-151-79919-9}}&lt;/small&gt;

== External links== 
{{wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}} 
*[https://archive.org/details/searchingspiritj00adam/page/n1/mode/2up The Searching Spirit: Joy Adamson's Autobiography in Internet Archive]

{{DEFAULTSORT:Adamson, Joy}}
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  <page>
    <title>Amal Bouchareb</title>
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'''Amal Bouchareb''' is an Algerian writer. 

{{author-stub}}
== Quotes ==
* Culture, through its artistic and literary manifestations, is supposed to address the centers of wonder in others, not to provoke tears in their eyes.
** أنا أعيش يومياتي الحميمة باللغتين. لا أعرف حقيقة إن كنت أتحدث في المنزل بالإيطالية، أو بالعربية. أو إن كنت أتنقل بين اللغتين، أو أتحدث بهما سويًا معًا! أن تكون جزائريًا هي أن تكون أيضًا كائنًا متعدد اللغات/ متداخل اللغات بالضرورة.
** Her interview with Diffah Alaraby in 2020 {{source}}

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  <page>
    <title>Ashjan Hindi</title>
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      <text bytes="4983" sha1="esnc4zem7otnjpz461nam0jjz11lmv2" xml:space="preserve">'''Ashjan Muhammad Hussein Hindi''' is a Saudi poet and academic

{{stub}}

== Quotes ==
{{Translated quote|quote=I believe that the mind must calm down in order to absorb wisdom, for wisdom cannot be accepted before the mind is at peace, the soul is purified, and the spirit is healed, leading to the achievement of inner peace based on reconciliation with oneself first and then reconciliation with others.|author=https://www.zahratalkhaleej.ae/Article/195408/الشاعرة-السعودية-أشجان-الهندي-الشعر-لمن-يخلص-له|original=أؤمن بأن العقل يجب أن يهدأ حتى يتمكّن من استيعاب الحكمة، فلا يمكن تقبُّل الحكمة قبل أن يهدأ العقل و تصفى النفس و تشفُّ الروح وصولاً إلى تحقيق السلام الداخلي المبني على التصالح مع الذات أولا ثم التصالح مع الآخر.}}{{Translated quote|original=[ماهي أمنيتك التي لم تحقق؟] أن تتحقق في مجتمعاتنا العربية العدالة، و المساواة تحت قانون لا يفرّق بين الناس، وأن يعم السلام في العالم بعيداً عن الحروب التي تستبيح جمال الأرض و تقتل إنسانها و تعيق حركة العمل والإنجاز فقد خُلقنا كبشر لإعمار هذه الأرض لا للمساهمة في دمارها.|author=https://www.zahratalkhaleej.ae/Article/195408/الشاعرة-السعودية-أشجان-الهندي-الشعر-لمن-يخلص-له|quote=[What is your unfulfilled wish?] For justice and equality to be realized in our Arab communities, under a law that does not discriminate between people, and for peace to prevail in the world away from the wars that mar the beauty of the earth, kill its people, and hinder work and achievement, for we were created as humans to build this earth, not to contribute to its destruction.}}{{Translated quote|original=فضاء المرأة العام سيتسع حين يتم التعامل معه على نحو طبيعي ودون مزايدات، أو تدخّلات خارجية لها أهدافها غير البريئة. وحين يتم الوعي بأن المرأة كائن بشري كالرجل له ما له وعليه ما عليه كفرد ضمن مجتمع كبير تحكمه قوانين.|quote=The public space for women will expand when it is treated normally and without exaggeration or external interventions with ulterior motives. When it is acknowledged that a woman is a human being like a man, with rights and responsibilities as an individual within a larger society governed by laws.|author=https://alarab.co.uk/أشجان-هندي-البعض-مازال-ينظر-إلى-منطقة-الخليج-بوصفها-خزانات-نفط-لا-غير}}{{Translated quote|original=التشدد (بمعناه العام) لا يختص بتيار دون آخر؛ فهو الذهاب في الحالات إلى أقصاها والعمل ضد المصلحة العامة والتشبّث بالرأي الواحد والنظر إلى المجتمع كخطيئة. وهو أمر مرفوض، لأنه يدمّر العقل، و يدخل الأمور في نفق مغلق حيث لا عودة. بمعنى أن كل خطاب يستغل الدين أو الثقافة ولا يراعي مصلحة الوطن وأولوياته.. هو خطاب خطر ومرفوض. ولا شك أن أسوأ أنواع التشدد وأشدها خطورة هو التشدد باسم الدين (دين الله) إمّا جهلا به، أو استغلالا له لتحقيق أهداف دنيوية. ويكون الأمر أشد خطورة وكارثيّة حين يرتبط الخطاب الديني أو الثقافي أو الاجتماعي بأجندات خارجية لأعداء الوطن.|quote=Extremism (in its general sense) is not limited to one group; it is the act of going to extremes in situations, working against the public interest, clinging to a single opinion, and perceiving society as a sin. This is unacceptable, as it destroys the mind and leads matters into a closed tunnel with no return. In other words, any discourse that exploits religion or culture and does not consider the interests and priorities of the nation is dangerous and unacceptable. Undoubtedly, the worst and most dangerous type of extremism is that which is done in the name of religion (the religion of God), whether out of ignorance or exploitation for worldly goals. The situation becomes even more dangerous and catastrophic when religious, cultural, or social discourse is linked to external agendas by the enemies of the nation.|author=https://alarab.co.uk/أشجان-هندي-البعض-مازال-ينظر-إلى-منطقة-الخليج-بوصفها-خزانات-نفط-لا-غير}}
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'''Ashjan Muhammad Hussein Hindi''' is a Saudi poet and academic

{{author-stub}}

== Quotes ==
{{Translated quote|quote=I believe that the mind must calm down in order to absorb wisdom, for wisdom cannot be accepted before the mind is at peace, the soul is purified, and the spirit is healed, leading to the achievement of inner peace based on reconciliation with oneself first and then reconciliation with others.|author=https://www.zahratalkhaleej.ae/Article/195408/الشاعرة-السعودية-أشجان-الهندي-الشعر-لمن-يخلص-له|original=أؤمن بأن العقل يجب أن يهدأ حتى يتمكّن من استيعاب الحكمة، فلا يمكن تقبُّل الحكمة قبل أن يهدأ العقل و تصفى النفس و تشفُّ الروح وصولاً إلى تحقيق السلام الداخلي المبني على التصالح مع الذات أولا ثم التصالح مع الآخر.}}{{Translated quote|original=[ماهي أمنيتك التي لم تحقق؟] أن تتحقق في مجتمعاتنا العربية العدالة، و المساواة تحت قانون لا يفرّق بين الناس، وأن يعم السلام في العالم بعيداً عن الحروب التي تستبيح جمال الأرض و تقتل إنسانها و تعيق حركة العمل والإنجاز فقد خُلقنا كبشر لإعمار هذه الأرض لا للمساهمة في دمارها.|author=https://www.zahratalkhaleej.ae/Article/195408/الشاعرة-السعودية-أشجان-الهندي-الشعر-لمن-يخلص-له|quote=[What is your unfulfilled wish?] For justice and equality to be realized in our Arab communities, under a law that does not discriminate between people, and for peace to prevail in the world away from the wars that mar the beauty of the earth, kill its people, and hinder work and achievement, for we were created as humans to build this earth, not to contribute to its destruction.}}{{Translated quote|original=فضاء المرأة العام سيتسع حين يتم التعامل معه على نحو طبيعي ودون مزايدات، أو تدخّلات خارجية لها أهدافها غير البريئة. وحين يتم الوعي بأن المرأة كائن بشري كالرجل له ما له وعليه ما عليه كفرد ضمن مجتمع كبير تحكمه قوانين.|quote=The public space for women will expand when it is treated normally and without exaggeration or external interventions with ulterior motives. When it is acknowledged that a woman is a human being like a man, with rights and responsibilities as an individual within a larger society governed by laws.|author=https://alarab.co.uk/أشجان-هندي-البعض-مازال-ينظر-إلى-منطقة-الخليج-بوصفها-خزانات-نفط-لا-غير}}{{Translated quote|original=التشدد (بمعناه العام) لا يختص بتيار دون آخر؛ فهو الذهاب في الحالات إلى أقصاها والعمل ضد المصلحة العامة والتشبّث بالرأي الواحد والنظر إلى المجتمع كخطيئة. وهو أمر مرفوض، لأنه يدمّر العقل، و يدخل الأمور في نفق مغلق حيث لا عودة. بمعنى أن كل خطاب يستغل الدين أو الثقافة ولا يراعي مصلحة الوطن وأولوياته.. هو خطاب خطر ومرفوض. ولا شك أن أسوأ أنواع التشدد وأشدها خطورة هو التشدد باسم الدين (دين الله) إمّا جهلا به، أو استغلالا له لتحقيق أهداف دنيوية. ويكون الأمر أشد خطورة وكارثيّة حين يرتبط الخطاب الديني أو الثقافي أو الاجتماعي بأجندات خارجية لأعداء الوطن.|quote=Extremism (in its general sense) is not limited to one group; it is the act of going to extremes in situations, working against the public interest, clinging to a single opinion, and perceiving society as a sin. This is unacceptable, as it destroys the mind and leads matters into a closed tunnel with no return. In other words, any discourse that exploits religion or culture and does not consider the interests and priorities of the nation is dangerous and unacceptable. Undoubtedly, the worst and most dangerous type of extremism is that which is done in the name of religion (the religion of God), whether out of ignorance or exploitation for worldly goals. The situation becomes even more dangerous and catastrophic when religious, cultural, or social discourse is linked to external agendas by the enemies of the nation.|author=https://alarab.co.uk/أشجان-هندي-البعض-مازال-ينظر-إلى-منطقة-الخليج-بوصفها-خزانات-نفط-لا-غير}}
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'''Ashjan Muhammad Hussein Hindi''' is a Saudi poet and academic

{{author-stub}}

== Quotes ==
{{Translated quote|quote=I believe that the mind must calm down in order to absorb wisdom, for wisdom cannot be accepted before the mind is at peace, the soul is purified, and the spirit is healed, leading to the achievement of inner peace based on reconciliation with oneself first and then reconciliation with others.|author=https://www.zahratalkhaleej.ae/Article/195408/الشاعرة-السعودية-أشجان-الهندي-الشعر-لمن-يخلص-له|original=أؤمن بأن العقل يجب أن يهدأ حتى يتمكّن من استيعاب الحكمة، فلا يمكن تقبُّل الحكمة قبل أن يهدأ العقل و تصفى النفس و تشفُّ الروح وصولاً إلى تحقيق السلام الداخلي المبني على التصالح مع الذات أولا ثم التصالح مع الآخر.}}{{Translated quote|original=[ماهي أمنيتك التي لم تحقق؟] أن تتحقق في مجتمعاتنا العربية العدالة، و المساواة تحت قانون لا يفرّق بين الناس، وأن يعم السلام في العالم بعيداً عن الحروب التي تستبيح جمال الأرض و تقتل إنسانها و تعيق حركة العمل والإنجاز فقد خُلقنا كبشر لإعمار هذه الأرض لا للمساهمة في دمارها.|author=https://www.zahratalkhaleej.ae/Article/195408/الشاعرة-السعودية-أشجان-الهندي-الشعر-لمن-يخلص-له|quote=[What is your unfulfilled wish?] For justice and equality to be realized in our Arab communities, under a law that does not discriminate between people, and for peace to prevail in the world away from the wars that mar the beauty of the earth, kill its people, and hinder work and achievement, for we were created as humans to build this earth, not to contribute to its destruction.}}{{Translated quote|original=فضاء المرأة العام سيتسع حين يتم التعامل معه على نحو طبيعي ودون مزايدات، أو تدخّلات خارجية لها أهدافها غير البريئة. وحين يتم الوعي بأن المرأة كائن بشري كالرجل له ما له وعليه ما عليه كفرد ضمن مجتمع كبير تحكمه قوانين.|quote=The public space for women will expand when it is treated normally and without exaggeration or external interventions with ulterior motives. When it is acknowledged that a woman is a human being like a man, with rights and responsibilities as an individual within a larger society governed by laws.|author=https://alarab.co.uk/أشجان-هندي-البعض-مازال-ينظر-إلى-منطقة-الخليج-بوصفها-خزانات-نفط-لا-غير}}{{Translated quote|original=التشدد (بمعناه العام) لا يختص بتيار دون آخر؛ فهو الذهاب في الحالات إلى أقصاها والعمل ضد المصلحة العامة والتشبّث بالرأي الواحد والنظر إلى المجتمع كخطيئة. وهو أمر مرفوض، لأنه يدمّر العقل، و يدخل الأمور في نفق مغلق حيث لا عودة. بمعنى أن كل خطاب يستغل الدين أو الثقافة ولا يراعي مصلحة الوطن وأولوياته.. هو خطاب خطر ومرفوض. ولا شك أن أسوأ أنواع التشدد وأشدها خطورة هو التشدد باسم الدين (دين الله) إمّا جهلا به، أو استغلالا له لتحقيق أهداف دنيوية. ويكون الأمر أشد خطورة وكارثيّة حين يرتبط الخطاب الديني أو الثقافي أو الاجتماعي بأجندات خارجية لأعداء الوطن.|quote=Extremism (in its general sense) is not limited to one group; it is the act of going to extremes in situations, working against the public interest, clinging to a single opinion, and perceiving society as a sin. This is unacceptable, as it destroys the mind and leads matters into a closed tunnel with no return. In other words, any discourse that exploits religion or culture and does not consider the interests and priorities of the nation is dangerous and unacceptable. Undoubtedly, the worst and most dangerous type of extremism is that which is done in the name of religion (the religion of God), whether out of ignorance or exploitation for worldly goals. The situation becomes even more dangerous and catastrophic when religious, cultural, or social discourse is linked to external agendas by the enemies of the nation.|author=https://alarab.co.uk/أشجان-هندي-البعض-مازال-ينظر-إلى-منطقة-الخليج-بوصفها-خزانات-نفط-لا-غير}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Hindi, Ashjan}}
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    <title>Hind al-Mutayri</title>
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      <text bytes="2451" sha1="2g0cz4dc6u9ez0iu121pjr1y9y2orti" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Hind al-Mutayri|Hind bint Abd al-Razzaq Huwayl al-Mutayri]]''' (Arabic: [[:ar:هند_المطيري|هند المطيري]]) is a Saudi poet, writer and academic.

{{author-stub}}
== Quotes ==
* From my perspective, there are two memories: one for love and the other for life. When one of them is active, the other completely stops functioning because it recognizes the amount of confusion it would face if it were active at the same time. But in reality, I don’t know if we can use one whenever we want, or if they control this as well.
** Original: من وجهة نظري؛ هناك ذاكرتان، واحدة للحب والأخرى للحياة، وحين تعمل إحداهما تتوقف الأخرى عن العمل تماما؛ لأنها تدرك حجم التشويش الذي ستتعرض له لو عملت في هذا الوقت. لكني -في الواقع- لا أعلم ما إذا كنّا نستطيع أن نستعمل إحداهما وقتما نريد، أم أنهما تتحكمان في هذا أيضا
** [https://twitter.com/MutairiHind/status/1188684058106257409 Her account on twitter]

* All beautiful things are temporary, like holidays. 
** Original: كل الاشياء الجميلة مؤقتة مثل الاعياد
** [https://twitter.com/MutairiHind/status/1264934841478504449 Her account on twitter]

* If memories had a limited shelf life, we would be relieved of much of our pain and give our souls and minds a chance to heal. The experience ends, but the memory remains. And this permanence is the secret of our suffering!
** Original: لو كان للذكريات تاريخ صلاحية محدود، لكنّا تخففنا من كثير من آلامنا، ومنحنا أرواحنا وعقولنا فرصة للتعافي. التجربة تنتهي، لكن الذكرى تبقى. وهذا البقاء هو سرّ الشقاء!
** [https://twitter.com/MutairiHind/status/1275384519290507267 Her account on twitter]

* Unfortunately, many of us do not know God except in supplication.
** Original: للأسف، كثيرون منّا لا يعرفون الله إلا في الدعاء!
** [https://twitter.com/MutairiHind/status/1283528820998447109 Her account on twitter]

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}

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  <page>
    <title>The Wild Robot</title>
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'''''{{w|The Wild Robot}}''''' is a 2024 American animated [[w:Science fiction film|science fiction film]], produced by {{w|DreamWorks Animation}} and distributed by {{w|Universal Pictures}}. It is based on the book series of the same name by [[w:Peter Brown (illustrator)|Peter Brown]]. The film's plot follows Roz, a robot shipwrecked on an uninhabited island, must adapt to her surroundings, build relationships with the local wildlife, and become the adoptive mother of an orphaned gosling.

:''Directed by {{w|Chris Sanders}}. Written by Sanders.''

{{center|'''Adventure awaits.''' ([[#Taglines|taglines]])}}

{{film-stub}}

== Roz ==
*Congratulations on your purchase of a Universal Dynamics Robot.
*Do you need assistance?
*I do not have the programming to be a mother.
*Aggression detected. I see your problem.
*The processing that used to happens here, is now coming more from here.
*He's got to leave this island by fall.
*I will protect him.
*Sometimes to survive, we must become more than we were programmed to be.
*I already have a home. And I am a wild robot.
*''[last words]'' Hello, I am Rozzum 7134. But you can call me Roz.

== Brightbill ==
*''[sighs]'' Exemplary day for swimming tests.
*Processing. Beep, beep, boop, boop.
*What happened, was not your fault. But what you did trying to fix is everything. I love you... Mom.

== Fink ==
* You need to learn how things work in this island.
* Swimming's easy. I can teach him the way my mom taught me. Swim! ''[kicks Brightbill into the water]''
* He's a runt. His chances aren't super good.
* Ugh! Quiet! ''[Baby Otter shushes then, which the animals stop fighting.]'' ('''Baby Otter''':The jerk wants to speak.)
* ''[at the geese who bullied Brightbill.]'' '''I'LL SEE YOU ALL FOR DINNER!!! THIS IS NOT OVER!!!'''

==Vontra==
*You were not easy to find.
*The good people at Universal Dynamics have programmed us to put our targets at ease, so as to more efficiently facilitate their collection. But don't worry. Despite my cheery demeanor, I am unfeeling, inflexible, and morally neutral.
*''[last words]'' We will just keep coming until we have you!

== Dialogue ==
:''[Roz is struggling to get the baby gosling to eat, swim and fly. Just then, Fink, the same red fox that tried to steal the gosling's egg earlier that day, approaches the two of them.]''
:'''Fink''': ''[clears throat.]'' Allow me to introduce myself. Fink: predator and local goose expert, which I know you could use right about now.
:''[Roz covers the gosling with both her hands.]''
:'''Roz''': You are the destroyer unit!
:'''Fink''': It's okay, I won't eat him.
:''[Roz suddenly places the gosling next to Fink.]''
:'''Fink''': Are you crazy?! I might eat him!
:''[Roz just as quickly picks up the gosling as she did putting it down.]''
:'''Roz''': You said you would not.
:'''Fink''': Do you believe everything you hear?
:'''Roz''': Yes.
:''[A mischievous smirk appears on Fink's face.]''
:'''Fink''': ''[chuckles]'' Noted...
:'''Roz''': Why did you steal my gosling?
:'''Fink''': I'm a fox. I do foxy things, it's in my nature.
:''[As he says this, Fink brushes his tail against Roz's legs as he walks between her legs and climbs onto a rock to be at the gosling's level.]''
:'''Roz''': Your programming?
:'''Fink''': Why'd you help me?
:'''Roz''': ''[places the gosling on her shoulder]'' I'm a robot. I do robot-y things. I seek tasks and ensure all essential needs have been met or exceeded.
:''[Roz takes a tablet out of her chest to show Fink a guide titled &quot;Rozzum and You.&quot; He sniffs it suspiciously before his nose touches the tablet, causing it to move to the next page, displaying the interior of a futuristic home. Fink retracts for a moment, surprised, before touching the tablet again, at which point it shows the next page which has an image of a delicious roast chicken on a silver platter. He gasps, amazed, before giggling excitedly and proceeding to lick and paw at the image of the chicken, babbling hysterically and hungrily.]''
:'''Fink''': I have some essential needs!
:''[Roz puts the tablet away.]''
:'''Fink and Gosling''': Aww!
:'''Roz''': Fink, as a local goose expert, how do I get... ''[picks up the gosling and nods her head at him while making an &quot;mmm&quot; sound]'' ...to Eat, Swim, Fly?
:'''Fink''': ''[chuckles]'' I'd thought you'd never ask.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Roz has finally gotten the gosling to eat by feeding him worms. Meanwhile, Fink is eating some poached clams thanks to Roz boiling some for him by heating up a rockpool with her laser. She then opens her chest cavity, attempting to fix her damaged power core.]''
:'''Fink''': What's that?
:'''Roz''': My power core. It is damaged. Without it, I rely on my solar surfaces and batteries.
:'''Fink''': Yeah, you should work on that. ''[he eats another clam then burps]''
:'''Roz''': I also need a replacement transmitter.
:'''Fink''': Ugh, do I have to do ''everything''? When we come across another robot, ''we'll kill it''... ''[he smashes two clams together as he says this, before eating them and continuing with his mouth full]'' ...and take its transmitter.
:'''Roz''': Negative. Rozzum inhibition protocols prevent deliberate harm to others.
:''[A hungry crab advances on the gosling, but Roz keeps pushing it away every time it comes too close.]''
:'''Fink''': Look, you need to learn how things work on this island.
:''[Fink pushes the crab into the heated rockpool, boiling it.]''
:'''Fink''': Me, the bear, everybody, we're all just trying to survive. ''[he pulls the claws off the boiled crab's body]'' And kindness is ''not'' a survival skill.
:''[Fink tosses one claw away and eats the other one. Meanwhile the gosling playfully runs around him.]''
:'''Fink''': Yeah, so, uh, how'd you get a gosling anyway?
:'''Roz''': There was an accident. I terminated his family.
:''[Fink covers the gosling's ears and speaks in a hushed tone.]''
:'''Fink''': For future reference, you probably want to keep all that to yourself.
:'''Roz''': Understood: Do not mention dead family. Fink, how long do you estimate Swim and Fly to take?
:'''Fink''': Swimming's easy! ''[he picks up the gosling with both his front paws]'' I can teach him the way my mom taught me. SWIM!
:''[Fink kicks the gosling into the air, who screams before falling into a nearby rockpool with a splash. He smiles back at Roz innocently.]''
:'''Roz''': Fink!
:'''Fink''': Hmm?
:'''Roz''': He will not learn that way.
:''[Roz pulls the gosling out of the rockpool and places him back on dry land.]''
:'''Fink''': ''[groans]'' Not if you keep doing that. ''[climbs onto Roz's left shoulder]'' Just between us, this whole thing might not take as long as you think. Your gosling, he isn't exactly normal.
:'''Roz''': I have a defective baby?
:'''Fink''': He's what they call a runt. 
:'''Roz''': A runt?
:'''Fink''': Fact is, even if his whole family hadn't had been killed, he probably wouldn't have lived very long. Just, I don't know, don't get too attached to the little guy. That's all.
:''[As they discuss this, the gosling gets a clam snap shut on his head, falls into an anemone's grasp before a seagull pulls him loose. Just then, a wave pushes him back to shore, with a starfish latching onto him before he falls back into the clam and is nearly trampled by more passing gulls. Roz then picks the gosling up and brings him back to her and Fink.]''
:'''Fink''': If you want, I could eat him right now and save you the grief later!
:''[Fink stuffs the gosling into his mouth, before Roz grabs the gosling's legs and pulls him out with some difficulty, with Fink growling a little as she does so.]''
:'''Roz''': Negative. Eating this task is not the same as completing it!
:'''Fink''': Ugh, so we're doing this. Well, if you don't want me or anyone else to ''eat him''... ''[He attempts to snatch up the gosling in his jaws, but Roz rotates him to the other side of her shoulders to stop him]'' ...you're gonna need a place that's ''safer''... ''[He makes another attempt but Roz rotates the gosling again]'' than out ''here''! ''[He makes a final attempt and the same thing happens yet again.]'' Which... is a great idea! ''[He claps his front paws in mock excitement.]'' New project!
:''[Roz stands up, and Fink falls off with a yelp. He burps as he hits the ground, before Roz drags him alongside her as she walks back towards the forest.]''
:'''Fink''': Is it normal to burp this much? ''[He then notices the other crab claw he tossed away earlier.]'' Ooh! ''[He picks it up, burps again, and eats the second claw as well.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Roz projects a hologram blueprint of a nest around the gosling.]''
:'''Fink''': Seriously? He needs room for ''me'' and my stuff!
:''[Roz enlarges the projection so the nest is as big as a house.]''
:'''Fink''': Better. Now, you can make one this big, right?
:'''Roz''': No task is impossible for Rozzum 7134.
:'''Gosling''': Roz... three... seven, three, four?
:''[Roz leans down to the gosling's eye level as he struggles to say her name.]''
:'''Roz''': ''[in a gentle tone]'' But you can call me Roz.
:'''Gosling''': Roz! ''[giggles]'' Roz! Roz! Roz! Roz!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Roz, Fink and the gosling are spending their first night in their new hut. However, Roz is struggling to come up with a name for the gosling, as she can only assign him numbers as if he were also a robot.]''
:'''Fink''': His name can't have numbers! It's like someone didn't even like him!
:'''Roz''': My name has numbers.
:'''Fink''': It's got to be personal!
:'''Gosling''': Personal!
:'''Roz''': Processing personal...
:''[Roz looks closely at the gosling, her vision highlighting his bright yellow bill.]''
:'''Roz''': Bright. Bill. Brightbill! ''[She holds out her hand and the gosling climbs onto it once more.]'' Is that satisfactory?
:'''Brightbill''': Brightbill? ''[He straightens up, pretending to be a robot.]'' Processing... beep, beep, boop boop! ''[He gives a little jump and a smile.]'' Satisfactory!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The seasons have changed, and Brightbill is now an adolescent goose. He walks through the tall grass, mimicking Roz as he takes slow steps and makes whirring noises with his mouth. Eventually, he stops, mimicking the sound of a machine braking with a hiss.]''
:'''Brightbill''': Scanning. ''[looks from left to right robotically before he notices a squirrel eating some acorns, then starts making beeping sounds]'' Possible animal friend sighted. ''[crouches, mimicking a robotic whoosh as he does so, before moving his wings back and forth like a machine]'' Activating interspecies outreach protocol.
:''[Brightbill pokes his head out from the tall grass while making a robotic whirring sound. The squirrel looks round, confused by his unusual method of approach]''
:'''Brightbill''': Hello! Bonjour! Hujambo! I am Gosling 0186, but you can call me Bright-
:''[The squirrel interrupts him with a scream, alarmed by Brightbill's behaviour before running in the opposite direction, leaving four of its acorns behind. Brightbill sighs glumly as Roz emerges from the grass next to him.]''
:'''Brightbill''': I expected to have at least one friend by summer but they all just-
:'''Roz''': Scream and run?
:'''Brightbill''': ''[smiles back at her]'' Yes!
:'''Roz''': I have experienced the same phenomenon.
:''[Roz puts a finger under her chin while she says this, thinking, and Brightbill does the same with his right wing. Fink then emerges from the trees.]''
:'''Roz''': Fink?
:'''Fink''': ''[sarcastically]'' Beats me. Nothing weird about you two.
:'''Roz''': Thank you.

== Taglines ==
Sometimes, to survive, you must become more than you were programmed to be.

==Cast==
*[[Lupita Nyong'o]] - ROZZUM unit 7134 (&quot;Roz&quot;)
*[[w:Pedro Pascal|Pedro Pascal]] - Fink

*[[w:Kit Connor|Kit Connor]] - Brightbill
**Boone Storme {{small|(baby)}}

*[[Catherine O'Hara]] - Pinktail

*[[w:Bill Nighy|Bill Nighy]] - Longneck

*[[w:Stephanie Hsu|Stephanie Hsu]] - Vontra

*[[Mark Hamill]] - Thorn

*[[w:Matt Berry|Matt Berry]] - Paddler

*[[w:Ving Rhames|Ving Rhames]] - Thunderbolt

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|29623480}}

{{Authority control}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Wild Robot, The}}
[[Category:2024 computer-animated films]]
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Anisa Aboud</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>279365</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3942414</id>
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      <timestamp>2026-05-18T15:46:01Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
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      <minor />
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'''Anisah Aboud''' (1957) is a Syrian poet, writer, and novelist.

== Quotes ==
{{Translated quote|A novel demands patience, endurance, and a deep accumulation of cultural, intellectual, and historical knowledge. An author requires all these tools and weapons to create. A short story, on the other hand, needs a focused point of concentration and a language that is entirely different from both the novel and the poem. It's a challenging and intensive creative endeavor, which is why there are relatively few short story writers.|original=الرواية تحتاج إلى صبر ونفس طويل وتراكم ثقافي ومعرفي وتاريخي فالكاتب يحتاج لكل هذه الأسلحة والأدوات حتى يبدع، بينما تحتاج القصة إلى بؤرة تركيز ولغة مختلفة تماماً عن الرواية والقصيدة لأنها عمل إبداعي صعب ومكثف لذلك هناك عدد قليل من كتاب القصة.|author=[http://wehda.alwehda.gov.sy/?p=97806 Interview with the Wehda]}}
[[Category:Women authors from Syria]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Djaïli Amadou Amal</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>280589</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3942389</id>
      <parentid>3622893</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-05-18T14:54:53Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>−[[Category:Women from Cameroon]]; ± 2 categories using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]]</comment>
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'''[[w:Djaïli Amadou Amal|Djaïli Amadou Amal]]''' was born in 1975 in Maroua (the extreme north of Cameroon). She is a prominent writer,author and feminist activist.

== Quotes ==
* But that day there was a pen, I took it and started writing. After a while, a certain calm came over me, I felt better. Maybe that was a survival instinct.
** https://literaturecurry.com/blog-details/56/djaili-amadou-amal[https://literaturecurry.com/blog-details/56/djaili-amadou-amal]

* I am now sure of myself and my place. I will never let anyone take it. I remain serene. No matter what wife comes, I will fight. No matter what weapons she uses, I will still win the battle.
**https://literaturecurry.com/blog-details/56/djaili-amadou-amal[https://literaturecurry.com/blog-details/56/djaili-amadou-amal]

* If you have been able to tame a lion, it is not your husband, a poor man, who will surpass you. Act exactly the same way with him and he will be yours forever. If you have been able to obtain these whiskers, it is because you have had the best qualities that a woman can have: patience and cunning. Take care of your husband like a child. Tame him like this lion that you have tamed. Be patient, cunning, intelligent. And he will never be able to separate from you. This is the secret to attaching a husband to yourself. No amulet would be worth it.
** https://www.dicocitations.com/auteur/10283/Djaili_Amadou_Amal.php#google_vignette[https://www.dicocitations.com/auteur/10283/Djaili_Amadou_Amal.php#google_vignette]

* We only die when our time on earth is over. A time already written by the Creator from the first breath of life. We cannot advance or rewind this fateful moment. Why then lament the implacable decision of Allah?
** https://www.dicocitations.com/auteur/10283/Djaili_Amadou_Amal.php#google_vignette[https://www.dicocitations.com/auteur/10283/Djaili_Amadou_Amal.php#google_vignette]

* Treat your husband like a child. Tame him like the lion you have tamed. Be patient, cunning , intelligent . And he will never be able to separate from you. This is the secret to keeping a husband. No amulet could beat it.
** https://www.dicocitations.com/auteur/10283/Djaili_Amadou_Amal.php#google_vignette
* At the end of the patience, there is the sky
**https://www.growthinktank.org/en/patience-submission-rivalry-the-forced-fate-of-women-in-the-sahel-les-impatientes-by-djaili-amadou-amal/

* Seduce him with your generous behavior, your pleasant presence, your tasty cuisine. Show him that no woman will ever be able to surpass you. The advantage of polygamy is that it allows you to test his love and your power over him. You are his first wife. All those who follow will never be as precious as you. None will be able to live what you have lived. None will be able to give him children as you have given him. You are the privileged one and you will always remain so.
** https://www.dicocitations.com/auteur/10283/Djaili_Amadou_Amal.php#google_vignette[https://www.dicocitations.com/auteur/10283/Djaili_Amadou_Amal.php#google_vignette]

* What an old person sees while sitting, a child, even if he gets up, will not see!
**https://www.dicocitations.com/auteur/10283/Djaili_Amadou_Amal.php#google_vignette
*Patience is an art that is learned patiently
**https://www.growthinktank.org/en/patience-submission-rivalry-the-forced-fate-of-women-in-the-sahel-les-impatientes-by-djaili-amadou-amal/

== External links ==
*https://www.dicocitations.com/auteur/10283/Djaili_Amadou_Amal.php#google_vignette
*https://literaturecurry.com/blog-details/56/djaili-amadou-amal
{{sister projects}}
{{commonscat}}
{{wikipedia}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Amal, Djaili Amadou}}
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  <page>
    <title>Fatiha Boudiaf</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
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      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>+[[Category:Women activists from Algeria]]; ±[[Category:Women authors]]→[[Category:Women authors from Algeria]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]]</comment>
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[[W:Fatiha Boudiaf|Fatiha Boudiaf]] born on November 28, 1944, in Oran, is an Algerian [[activist]] and the widow of former Algerian [[President]] Mohamed Boudiaf. She founded the Boudiaf Foundation and was honored with the Prince of Asturias Award for International Cooperation in 1998.

==Quotes==
*I have the videotape of the Annaba tragedy.
** [https://algeria-watch.org/?p=23428 Fatiha Boudiaf talk about the person that killed her husband the former Algerian President Mohamed Boudiaf]

*I have enough evidence to point the finger at “the government”
** [https://algeria-watch.org/?p=23428 Fatiha Boudiaf holds the government responsible for her husband's death]

* I requested to meet Boumaârafi in prison, but they refused.
** [https://algeria-watch.org/?p=23428]

* He has the same opinion as us
** [https://algeria-watch.org/?p=23428 Fatiha Boudiaf shared her husband's final words before he died]

* he sent people to initiate dialogue with its leaders.
** [https://algeria-watch.org/?p=23428 Fatiha Boudiaf speaks about her husband]

* It was dictated to him by his love for the homeland
** [https://algeria-watch.org/?p=23428]

* General Khaled Nezzar was the one who asked him to save the country, and Ali Haroun traveled to Morocco to speak with him.
** [https://algeria-watch.org/?p=23428 Fatiha Boudiaf discusses those who pleaded with her husband to save the country]

* The person who shot my husband was taller
** [https://www.jeuneafrique.com/103722/archives-thematique/le-j-accuse-de-madame-boudiaf/ Fatiha Boudiaf talk about the person who shoot her husband]

== External Links==
{{wikipedia}}
* [http://www.jeuneafrique.com/225294/politique/alg-rie-bouteflika-et-les-femmes/ Fatiha Boudiaf as the second wife of the Algerian President Mohamed Boudiaf]
* [http://www.fpa.es/es/premios-princesa-de-asturias/premiados/1998-emma-bonino-olayinka-koso-thomas-graca-machel-fatiha-boudiaf-rigoberta-menchu-fatana-ishaq-gailani-y-somaly-mam.html?texto=acta&amp;especifica=0 Fatiha Boudiaf  received the Prince of Asturias Award for International Cooperation in 1998]

{{DEFAULTSORT:Boudiaf, Fatiha}}
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  <page>
    <title>Grâce d'Almeida</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>280759</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3942371</id>
      <parentid>3805810</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-05-18T14:42:19Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
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      <minor />
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      <text bytes="1572" sha1="rhpp591n9ams5ajodtoj40skk05tcwq" xml:space="preserve">'''[[W:Grâce d'Almeida Adamon|Grâce d'Almeida Adamon]]''' (March 21, 1951, in Dakar, Senegal - 2005) was a prominent Beninese [[lawyer]], feminist, and human rights advocate. After beginning her law practice in [[Paris]] in 1977, she returned to Cotonou the following year. She also served as a law professor at the National University of Benin, where she was well-known for her strong advocacy for women's rights.
{{bio-stub}}

==Quotes==
* in taking the initiative for making the judicial guide available to women, the Association of Women Lawyers aimed to equip women in Benin with essential legal procedures, grounded in the nation’s legal framework, to help them improve their lives through lawful means.
** [https://books.google.com/books?id=39JMAgAAQBAJ&amp;dq=Grace%20d%27Almeida&amp;pg=RA1-PA160]

* Beninese women generally don't encounter outright opposition from men, yet achieving equality remains challenging in a male-dominated political landscape. A family code that would grant women inheritance and property rights, the option for monogamous marriage, and raise the minimum legal marriage age from 12 to 14 has yet to be passed by the National Assembly. Additionally, many women are actively opposing the African tradition of female circumcision.
** [https://www.csmonitor.com/1995/1005/05061.html]

==External Links==
{{wikipedia}}
* [http://fondationgracedalmeida.org/ Fondation Grâce d'Almeida]

{{DEFAULTSORT:Almeida, Grace}}
[[Category:Women politicians in Benin]]
[[Category:Women authors from Benin]]
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  <page>
    <title>Ruth Mompati</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>281259</id>
    <revision>
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      <parentid>3843194</parentid>
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        <username>GrimRob</username>
        <id>1187925</id>
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'''[[w:Ruth Mompati|Ruth Mompati]]''' (14 September 1925 – 12 May 2015) was a South African politician and a founding member of the Federation of South African Women (FEDSAW) in 1954. Mompati was one of the leaders of the Women's March on 9 August 1956.

== Quotes ==  
* Apartheid will not put us down. It will not make us look like we are oppressed. We are going to defy it.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HlKZU06o5Hs Ruth Mompati SABC Interview]
* I wanted them to see that I was as good as any of them, and that's how our women did. We were women of determination. Women of intent. Women who were prepared to go to any lengths so that we can win our own freedom. 
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HlKZU06o5Hs Ruth Mompati SABC Interview]
* We are here! Not because the men say so or not because somebody has done us a favour, but because we were there when it was fought for and we were part of the fight for freedom.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HlKZU06o5Hs Ruth Mompati SABC Interview]
* With all the difficulties, it was a life well-lived. If I had to do it again, I'd do exactly the same thing.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HlKZU06o5Hs Ruth Mompati SABC Interview]
* I'd like to be remembered as a cadre of the African National Congress (ANC), a cadre who was called and answered. A cadre who carried out the commands and instructions of the African National Congress up to the end.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HlKZU06o5Hs Ruth Mompati SABC Interview]


=== Mme Ruth Mompati: A Life of Courage and Service (2023)===
The book Mme Ruth Mompati: A Life of Courage and Service  is written by poet, novelist, political activist and ANC Member of Parliament, Mongane Wally Serote (b. 1944). It is a biographical book that pays tribute to the life of Ruth Mompati.
* ''[[Mme Ruth Mompati: A Life of Courage and Service]]'' 

**[https://bookcapital.co.za/product/mme-ruth-mompati-a-life-of-courage-and-service/ Mme Ruth Mompati: A Life of Courage and Service]

== Quotes about Mompati ==
* Mme Ruth dedicated her entire life to the struggle and was a champion for the poor. We are saddened by her untimely death, however we are grateful for the contribution she made to help bring about transformation and democracy in South Africa.
[https://www.gov.za/news/media-statements/premier-david-makhura-pays-tribute-struggle-stalwart-dr-ruth-mompati-12-may 

== External links== 
{{Wikipedia}} 

{{DEFAULTSORT:(Mompati, Ruth)}}

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'''[[w:Ruth Mompati|Ruth Mompati]]''' (14 September 1925 – 12 May 2015) was a South African politician and a founding member of the Federation of South African Women (FEDSAW) in 1954. Mompati was one of the leaders of the Women's March on 9 August 1956.

== Quotes ==  
* Apartheid will not put us down. It will not make us look like we are oppressed. We are going to defy it.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HlKZU06o5Hs Ruth Mompati SABC Interview]
* I wanted them to see that I was as good as any of them, and that's how our women did. We were women of determination. Women of intent. Women who were prepared to go to any lengths so that we can win our own freedom. 
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HlKZU06o5Hs Ruth Mompati SABC Interview]
* We are here! Not because the men say so or not because somebody has done us a favour, but because we were there when it was fought for and we were part of the fight for freedom.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HlKZU06o5Hs Ruth Mompati SABC Interview]
* With all the difficulties, it was a life well-lived. If I had to do it again, I'd do exactly the same thing.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HlKZU06o5Hs Ruth Mompati SABC Interview]
* I'd like to be remembered as a cadre of the African National Congress (ANC), a cadre who was called and answered. A cadre who carried out the commands and instructions of the African National Congress up to the end.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HlKZU06o5Hs Ruth Mompati SABC Interview]

== Quotes about Mompati ==
* Mme Ruth dedicated her entire life to the struggle and was a champion for the poor. We are saddened by her untimely death, however we are grateful for the contribution she made to help bring about transformation and democracy in South Africa.
[https://www.gov.za/news/media-statements/premier-david-makhura-pays-tribute-struggle-stalwart-dr-ruth-mompati-12-may 

== External links== 
{{Wikipedia}} 

{{DEFAULTSORT:(Mompati, Ruth)}}

[[Category:Women politicians in South Africa]]</text>
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'''[[w:Ruth Mompati|Ruth Mompati]]''' (14 September 1925 – 12 May 2015) was a South African politician and a founding member of the Federation of South African Women (FEDSAW) in 1954. Mompati was one of the leaders of the Women's March on 9 August 1956.

== Quotes ==  
* Apartheid will not put us down. It will not make us look like we are oppressed. We are going to defy it.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HlKZU06o5Hs Ruth Mompati SABC Interview]
* I wanted them to see that I was as good as any of them, and that's how our women did. We were women of determination. Women of intent. Women who were prepared to go to any lengths so that we can win our own freedom. 
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HlKZU06o5Hs Ruth Mompati SABC Interview]
* We are here! Not because the men say so or not because somebody has done us a favour, but because we were there when it was fought for and we were part of the fight for freedom.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HlKZU06o5Hs Ruth Mompati SABC Interview]
* With all the difficulties, it was a life well-lived. If I had to do it again, I'd do exactly the same thing.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HlKZU06o5Hs Ruth Mompati SABC Interview]
* I'd like to be remembered as a cadre of the African National Congress (ANC), a cadre who was called and answered. A cadre who carried out the commands and instructions of the African National Congress up to the end.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HlKZU06o5Hs Ruth Mompati SABC Interview]

== Quotes about Mompati ==
* Mme Ruth dedicated her entire life to the struggle and was a champion for the poor. We are saddened by her untimely death, however we are grateful for the contribution she made to help bring about transformation and democracy in South Africa.
[https://www.gov.za/news/media-statements/premier-david-makhura-pays-tribute-struggle-stalwart-dr-ruth-mompati-12-may]

== External links== 
{{Wikipedia}} 

{{DEFAULTSORT:(Mompati, Ruth)}}

[[Category:Women politicians in South Africa]]</text>
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'''[[w:Ruth Mompati|Ruth Mompati]]''' (14 September 1925 – 12 May 2015) was a South African politician and a founding member of the Federation of South African Women (FEDSAW) in 1954. Mompati was one of the leaders of the Women's March on 9 August 1956.

== Quotes ==  
* Apartheid will not put us down. It will not make us look like we are oppressed. We are going to defy it.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HlKZU06o5Hs Ruth Mompati SABC Interview]
* I wanted them to see that I was as good as any of them, and that's how our women did. We were women of determination. Women of intent. Women who were prepared to go to any lengths so that we can win our own freedom. 
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HlKZU06o5Hs Ruth Mompati SABC Interview]
* We are here! Not because the men say so or not because somebody has done us a favour, but because we were there when it was fought for and we were part of the fight for freedom.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HlKZU06o5Hs Ruth Mompati SABC Interview]
* With all the difficulties, it was a life well-lived. If I had to do it again, I'd do exactly the same thing.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HlKZU06o5Hs Ruth Mompati SABC Interview]
* I'd like to be remembered as a cadre of the African National Congress (ANC), a cadre who was called and answered. A cadre who carried out the commands and instructions of the African National Congress up to the end.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HlKZU06o5Hs Ruth Mompati SABC Interview]

== Quotes about Mompati ==
* Mme Ruth dedicated her entire life to the struggle and was a champion for the poor. We are saddened by her untimely death, however we are grateful for the contribution she made to help bring about transformation and democracy in South Africa.
** [https://www.gov.za/news/media-statements/premier-david-makhura-pays-tribute-struggle-stalwart-dr-ruth-mompati-12-may]

== External links== 
{{Wikipedia}} 

{{DEFAULTSORT:(Mompati, Ruth)}}

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'''[[w:Ruth Mompati|Ruth Mompati]]''' (14 September 1925 – 12 May 2015) was a South African politician and a founding member of the Federation of South African Women (FEDSAW) in 1954. Mompati was one of the leaders of the Women's March on 9 August 1956.

== Quotes ==  
* Apartheid will not put us down. It will not make us look like we are oppressed. We are going to defy it.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HlKZU06o5Hs Ruth Mompati SABC Interview]
* I wanted them to see that I was as good as any of them, and that's how our women did. We were women of determination. Women of intent. Women who were prepared to go to any lengths so that we can win our own freedom. 
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HlKZU06o5Hs Ruth Mompati SABC Interview]
* We are here! Not because the men say so or not because somebody has done us a favour, but because we were there when it was fought for and we were part of the fight for freedom.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HlKZU06o5Hs Ruth Mompati SABC Interview]
* With all the difficulties, it was a life well-lived. If I had to do it again, I'd do exactly the same thing.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HlKZU06o5Hs Ruth Mompati SABC Interview]
* I'd like to be remembered as a cadre of the African National Congress (ANC), a cadre who was called and answered. A cadre who carried out the commands and instructions of the African National Congress up to the end.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HlKZU06o5Hs Ruth Mompati SABC Interview]

== Quotes about Mompati ==
* Mme Ruth dedicated her entire life to the struggle and was a champion for the poor. We are saddened by her untimely death, however we are grateful for the contribution she made to help bring about transformation and democracy in South Africa.
** [https://www.gov.za/news/media-statements/premier-david-makhura-pays-tribute-struggle-stalwart-dr-ruth-mompati-12-may]

== External links== 
{{Wikipedia}} 

{{DEFAULTSORT:(Mompati, Ruth)}}

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      <text bytes="2054" sha1="n6fvrg1ymymorq0w4fh1z7x88vdb9l8" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Ruth Mompati|Ruth Mompati]]''' (14 September 1925 – 12 May 2015) was a South African politician and a founding member of the Federation of South African Women (FEDSAW) in 1954. Mompati was one of the leaders of the Women's March on 9 August 1956.

== Quotes ==  
* Apartheid will not put us down. It will not make us look like we are oppressed. We are going to defy it.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HlKZU06o5Hs Ruth Mompati SABC Interview]
* I wanted them to see that I was as good as any of them, and that's how our women did. We were women of determination. Women of intent. Women who were prepared to go to any lengths so that we can win our own freedom. 
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HlKZU06o5Hs Ruth Mompati SABC Interview]
* We are here! Not because the men say so or not because somebody has done us a favour, but because we were there when it was fought for and we were part of the fight for freedom.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HlKZU06o5Hs Ruth Mompati SABC Interview]
* With all the difficulties, it was a life well-lived. If I had to do it again, I'd do exactly the same thing.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HlKZU06o5Hs Ruth Mompati SABC Interview]
* I'd like to be remembered as a cadre of the African National Congress (ANC), a cadre who was called and answered. A cadre who carried out the commands and instructions of the African National Congress up to the end.
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HlKZU06o5Hs Ruth Mompati SABC Interview]

== Quotes about Mompati ==
* Mme Ruth dedicated her entire life to the struggle and was a champion for the poor. We are saddened by her untimely death, however we are grateful for the contribution she made to help bring about transformation and democracy in South Africa.
** [https://www.gov.za/news/media-statements/premier-david-makhura-pays-tribute-struggle-stalwart-dr-ruth-mompati-12-may]

== External links== 
{{Wikipedia}} 

{{DEFAULTSORT:(Mompati, Ruth)}}

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[[File:Aid for Trade Global Review 2017 – Day 3 (35059631424).jpg|thumb|Aid for Trade Global Review 2017 – Day 3 (35059631424)]]
[[W:Aja Fatoumata C.M. Jallow-Tambajang|Aja Fatoumata C.M. Jallow-Tambajang]] (born 22 October 1949 in Brikama, Gambia) is a Gambian politician and activist. She holds a BA in [[French]] from the [[University]] of Nice Sophia Antipolis. She served  as Vice President and [[Minister]] of Women's Affairs under [[w:President Adama Barrow|President Adama Barrow]] from February 2017 to June 2018. She previously chaired the Gambia National Women's Council and advised President Dawda Jawara. After the 1994 coup, she served as Secretary of State for Health and Social Welfare. Appointed Vice-President in January 2017, she was initially ineligible due to age restrictions but was later sworn in after a constitutional amendment in November 2017. She had also chaired Coalition 2016, the alliance that supported Barrow’s presidential bid.
== Quotes==

* &quot;My son, even if you bring a Holy Quran here, I will tell you it’s not true. If you ask the president, he too will tell you it’s not true. People have spread lies about me, but I forgive them. I know who fabricated those lies, but as a Muslim, I have forgiven them. I am pleased that His Excellency President Barrow has learned the truth. He stood by it and invited me on the 16th of August. We discussed the letter, and it was never something I wrote.&quot;

* &quot;Removed and replaced with a note that I had no knowledge of. I looked into what went wrong, uncovered the truth, and identified those involved, and His Excellency President Barrow was aware of this.&quot;

* &quot;I want to clarify to the nation that the letter of recommendation I sent to UNEP through the Ministry of Foreign Affairs was altered. It has been alleged that certain key figures within the Ministry of Foreign Affairs plotted against her, fabricating reasons to orchestrate her removal from the Barrow Administration.&quot;

* &quot;I have no resentment over being relieved of my cabinet position; I could never feel angry, as His Excellency President Barrow respects me now more than ever. President Barrow knows I have served this country with dedication, and I love my country deeply. I am willing to go anywhere I am called upon to serve. A true leader should never be driven by anger; when you act impulsively, you lose the essence of leadership. As a leader, you must stay humble, fear Allah, and lead by example. When you do this, everything else will fall into place.&quot;

* &quot;Many people have lost their lives here—not only Solo Sandeng; there are so many others. There are countless unsung heroes, and I will honor each one of them. His Excellency Adama Barrow also acknowledges those who have served and sacrificed, even if they aren’t here to witness this day.&quot;

* &quot;The economy is now growing, and what we want to see next is the start of decentralization efforts for the benefit of the people. These changes will take time, so I urge the public to be patient and support the government’s initiatives in whatever small ways they can, for the greater good of the country.&quot;
**[https://www.thegambiatimes.com/officials-at-the-ministry-of-foreign-affairs-tampered-with-her-letter-to-orchestrate-dismissal-as-vice-president-alleges-madam-fatoumata-jallow-tambajang/]
** [https://www.voicegambia.com/2018/12/31/ex-vp-debunks-critics/?amp=1]


* &quot;Gambia is deeply grateful to Nigeria for its support. Without Nigeria's assistance, Gambia would face significant challenges.&quot;
**[https://www.premiumtimesng.com/foreign/west-africa-foreign/262037-gambia-will-collapse-if-nigerian-professionals-leave-vp.html?tztc=1]


* &quot;The success lies in having an independent mediator, respected by all political parties and with whom I have good relations. Gambia is a close-knit country, and through my professional life, both within and outside the UN, I’ve interacted with many of them. People here see me as a mother figure, recognizing that I have no political ambition beyond uniting them. My only agenda is The Gambia, without any political affiliation or interest. This neutrality, along with the respect and trust from political leaders, made it possible. No single person can claim responsibility for creating the coalition—it was supported by both the sub-region and the wider region. These key factors are what made it successful.&quot;

* &quot;I have never been a member of the UDP. Initially, I supported them because of their united front. As Ousainu Darboe mentioned at the UDP congress in 1996, they formed a coalition, and I supported the national front. The reason I was often seen with UDP was due to the crises surrounding them, but I visited and collaborated with all parties. I consulted with many, including the female candidate. My presence with UDP did not make me a member. Early on, I did help prepare the UDP manifesto with the late Sidia Sagnia, but I did so as a national leader dedicated to advancing the political process. Nowhere will you find a membership card showing I belong to the UDP. I have the constitutional right to join any party, but I believe we should focus not on political ambition but on the country’s needs. With my experience and abilities from my work with the UN, it was meaningful for me to support the United Front.&quot;

* &quot;The administration is progressing relatively well, especially given what we inherited. After 22 years of dictatorship, resources were drained by the dictator, his administration, and allies. When we assumed office, the coffers were empty, so we had to quickly secure budget support from partners like the EU, World Bank, the United Nations, and allies such as the US and the African Union.

* Amid these challenges, our first priority was to create a robust National Development Programme covering 2018 to 2021. This program was developed with input from civil society, media, government, and international partners. Previously, there was only the PAGE plan. Our government successfully championed the national development plan in Brussels, where President Barrow, whom God chose as our leader, secured 1.4 billion euros for its implementation. 

* This process will take time, and patience and tolerance are essential given the difficult circumstances we started from. The forward path has also begun to take shape. For instance, the Ministry of Finance has sustained partnerships with the international donor community for budget support and economic assessment. Currently, we are seeing some economic growth tied to a reform agenda. Critics often claim that the government blames our 'inherited bankrupt economy' and Jammeh for underperformance. However, Jammeh has only been out of office for nearly two years, and it’s important to understand the context. When we took office, we faced a severe brain drain, as many of our skilled professionals had left due to political persecution or economic hardship. This created a capacity deficit, which is a major factor in governance, especially democratic governance, where engaging all stakeholders is critical yet challenging. I don’t shy away from acknowledging the government’s difficulties and challenges—I am part of them and remain within the coalition government. However, it's crucial to consider these underlying issues when assessing the successes and challenges of our administration.&quot;

* &quot;I would rate him fairly well, giving President Barrow a 60%, considering the challenges he inherited and the current situation. We have the resources, but the capacity is lacking. The issue of peace and stability was a major concern from the start. There were numerous crises that he had to manage, which led to sleepless nights for him and many of us. We had to ensure social cohesion, dealing with incidents like the Faraba case, the Busumbula youths, and the doctors’ strike—things were sporadic, changing from one issue to the next. Barrow is a very peaceful man, regardless of where I stand. As a believer, I speak the truth because that’s what matters in the end, and that’s what I’ll be accountable for. We have a leader who needs our support. Coming from the private sector, he had no previous experience in public service. That in itself deserves credit, as he assembled a cabinet of people from various disciplines. Within one year, his government managed to stabilize the economy, which was in disarray, and stabilize the country amidst various factions, including an active APRC. When we took over, the private sector was in a dire state, burdened by high taxes and a lack of incentives to promote growth and create jobs. Civil society and the media were disillusioned, so we had to reignite the sense of citizenship and work towards rebuilding the country.&quot;

* &quot;No, I never had the intention to be foreign minister. His Excellency never offered me the position, and I never asked for it. I had no ambition for any particular role. My focus was on ensuring that he had a strong cabinet, and I supported him in that process. He consulted all the political leaders and offered positions to them. For me, political leaders are more important than any position. It’s never been about the role itself. If it were about positions, I would have gone back to the UN or pursued another opportunity, as I have the qualifications. While I’m not perfect, I would have sought higher roles if it were about personal gain. Now, if positions didn’t matter, why did I hold onto the vice president position for so long when I knew my age was a factor? Why didn’t I step aside? I could have said, 'I’ve helped remove Jammeh, that’s enough,' but I chose to stay, even though The Gambia was without a full-time vice president. It's good you asked. I’ve often consulted with the president about stepping down, suggesting that my ambition was to support him in any role other than vice president. I even suggested some names for the vice president role, and he is a living witness to this. But people don’t fully understand me. The president told me that, as far as he and the country are concerned, I deserved to be vice president—not for personal reasons, but because of my background and experience. He said this when he swore me in. He didn’t appoint me because I was the chair of the coalition. He chose me because of the trust, my expertise, and my contributions to the coalition.&quot;

* He was firm in his belief and conviction that I was the right candidate to support him at that time.

* Constitutionally, you can oversee a position, and that’s why it’s important for people to understand their constitution, as it is the foundation that governs the country. You can assume oversight in cases such as when someone passes away in office, and an eligible person can step in. But when it comes to constitutional amendments, let’s be clear: am I the one benefiting from the changes? If the constitution hadn’t been amended, would Honourable Ousainu Darboe be vice president? Would we have had competent lawyers like Sourahata Janneh and others on the commission? We need to look beyond individual interests and focus on what’s best for the country. 

* This constitution, after all, was designed by former President Jammeh primarily for his own benefit. For 65 years, we’ve been signatories to the Universal Declaration of Human Rights and various other human rights agreements. Article 16 of the Universal Declaration says there should never be discrimination based on age, gender, race, or religion. So, imposing an age limit is inherently discriminatory, and globally, no country has such a limit in their constitution. What truly matters is the competence and loyalty of an individual, and this is the way forward. Similar situations occurred in Southern Africa, such as in Zambia in 2008 when Rupiah Banda became president. A few years into his presidency, a law was passed banning people over 70 from running for office, specifically targeting the main opposition leader, Michael Sata, who was 71, just three years younger than President Banda. It wasn’t just The Gambia that faced such challenges. While you say the law was Jammeh’s, I agree that there are both good and bad laws in his system. Some of the laws are, in fact, beneficial, regardless of where I stand. I want to be straightforward and truthful. My priority is the Gambia’s agenda, not personal interests. On the global stage, The Gambia must align with the United Nations and the world at large. Our participation in the UN General Assembly is part of that, and we learn from global practices. However, we must ensure that we follow democratic principles. The reason for our transition is to establish democratic governance where everyone feels included and has a voice, and where laws protect the human rights of both individuals and communities.

* Not really, I don’t see things that way. My life has always been one of faith. I believe that what God has destined for me is what I am living now, and I accept it until I return to Him. Every stage of my life has been defined by Him. I was happy to serve and support President Barrow fully—100 percent. I am confident that if you spoke to him, he would confirm that I always gave him the support he needed. I have been completely loyal to him and to my country. What matters to me is that I swore on the Holy Qur’an to be loyal to my country, support my president, and serve the people of The Gambia. That is exactly what I did. The president holds me in high regard, and he has said so both in my presence and at various forums. I worked closely with him, and he still has confidence in me, which is what truly matters. If I had left due to violating the constitution, I would have felt embarrassed, but I never felt betrayed. I leave everything in God’s hands. He created me and has given me what is meant for me. Being a believer, I view this as a test from God, a way for me to grow closer to Him. I have never been closer to God than I am now, and I will never hold any grudge against President Barrow. My participation in many programs, such as the TRRC, is evidence of that.

* Yes, I felt I needed time to reflect on it. Having worked with the UN, I reached a level beyond that of an ambassador. We have to be realistic—I don’t have a sense of entitlement. I was beyond the rank of ambassador, and returning to the UN mission in that capacity would have felt like a demotion for me.
**[https://standard.gm/fatoumata-jallow-tambajang-former-vice-president-of-the-gambia/ Fatoumata Jallow-Tambajang Former Vice President of The Gambia] ''December 21, 2018''

== External Links==
[https://www.geantesinvisibles.com/en/biography/fatoumata-jallow-tambajang/ Biography]


{{DEFAULTSORT:ambajang, Fatoumata}}
[[Category:Women politicians in Gambia]]
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[[File:Aid for Trade Global Review 2017 – Day 3 (35059631424).jpg|thumb|Aid for Trade Global Review 2017 – Day 3 (35059631424)]]
[[W:Aja Fatoumata C.M. Jallow-Tambajang|Aja Fatoumata C.M. Jallow-Tambajang]] (born 22 October 1949 in Brikama, Gambia) is a Gambian politician and activist. She holds a BA in [[French]] from the [[University]] of Nice Sophia Antipolis. She served  as Vice President and [[Minister]] of Women's Affairs under [[w:President Adama Barrow|President Adama Barrow]] from February 2017 to June 2018. She previously chaired the Gambia National Women's Council and advised President Dawda Jawara. After the 1994 coup, she served as Secretary of State for Health and Social Welfare. Appointed Vice-President in January 2017, she was initially ineligible due to age restrictions but was later sworn in after a constitutional amendment in November 2017. She had also chaired Coalition 2016, the alliance that supported Barrow’s presidential bid.
== Quotes==

* &quot;My son, even if you bring a Holy Quran here, I will tell you it’s not true. If you ask the president, he too will tell you it’s not true. People have spread lies about me, but I forgive them. I know who fabricated those lies, but as a Muslim, I have forgiven them. I am pleased that His Excellency President Barrow has learned the truth. He stood by it and invited me on the 16th of August. We discussed the letter, and it was never something I wrote.&quot;

* &quot;Removed and replaced with a note that I had no knowledge of. I looked into what went wrong, uncovered the truth, and identified those involved, and His Excellency President Barrow was aware of this.&quot;

* &quot;I want to clarify to the nation that the letter of recommendation I sent to UNEP through the Ministry of Foreign Affairs was altered. It has been alleged that certain key figures within the Ministry of Foreign Affairs plotted against her, fabricating reasons to orchestrate her removal from the Barrow Administration.&quot;

* &quot;I have no resentment over being relieved of my cabinet position; I could never feel angry, as His Excellency President Barrow respects me now more than ever. President Barrow knows I have served this country with dedication, and I love my country deeply. I am willing to go anywhere I am called upon to serve. A true leader should never be driven by anger; when you act impulsively, you lose the essence of leadership. As a leader, you must stay humble, fear Allah, and lead by example. When you do this, everything else will fall into place.&quot;

* &quot;Many people have lost their lives here—not only Solo Sandeng; there are so many others. There are countless unsung heroes, and I will honor each one of them. His Excellency Adama Barrow also acknowledges those who have served and sacrificed, even if they aren’t here to witness this day.&quot;

* &quot;The economy is now growing, and what we want to see next is the start of decentralization efforts for the benefit of the people. These changes will take time, so I urge the public to be patient and support the government’s initiatives in whatever small ways they can, for the greater good of the country.&quot;
**[https://www.thegambiatimes.com/officials-at-the-ministry-of-foreign-affairs-tampered-with-her-letter-to-orchestrate-dismissal-as-vice-president-alleges-madam-fatoumata-jallow-tambajang/]
** [https://www.voicegambia.com/2018/12/31/ex-vp-debunks-critics/?amp=1]


* &quot;Gambia is deeply grateful to Nigeria for its support. Without Nigeria's assistance, Gambia would face significant challenges.&quot;
**[https://www.premiumtimesng.com/foreign/west-africa-foreign/262037-gambia-will-collapse-if-nigerian-professionals-leave-vp.html?tztc=1]


* &quot;The success lies in having an independent mediator, respected by all political parties and with whom I have good relations. Gambia is a close-knit country, and through my professional life, both within and outside the UN, I’ve interacted with many of them. People here see me as a mother figure, recognizing that I have no political ambition beyond uniting them. My only agenda is The Gambia, without any political affiliation or interest. This neutrality, along with the respect and trust from political leaders, made it possible. No single person can claim responsibility for creating the coalition—it was supported by both the sub-region and the wider region. These key factors are what made it successful.&quot;

* &quot;I have never been a member of the UDP. Initially, I supported them because of their united front. As Ousainu Darboe mentioned at the UDP congress in 1996, they formed a coalition, and I supported the national front. The reason I was often seen with UDP was due to the crises surrounding them, but I visited and collaborated with all parties. I consulted with many, including the female candidate. My presence with UDP did not make me a member. Early on, I did help prepare the UDP manifesto with the late Sidia Sagnia, but I did so as a national leader dedicated to advancing the political process. Nowhere will you find a membership card showing I belong to the UDP. I have the constitutional right to join any party, but I believe we should focus not on political ambition but on the country’s needs. With my experience and abilities from my work with the UN, it was meaningful for me to support the United Front.&quot;

* &quot;The administration is progressing relatively well, especially given what we inherited. After 22 years of dictatorship, resources were drained by the dictator, his administration, and allies. When we assumed office, the coffers were empty, so we had to quickly secure budget support from partners like the EU, World Bank, the United Nations, and allies such as the US and the African Union.

* Amid these challenges, our first priority was to create a robust National Development Programme covering 2018 to 2021. This program was developed with input from civil society, media, government, and international partners. Previously, there was only the PAGE plan. Our government successfully championed the national development plan in Brussels, where President Barrow, whom God chose as our leader, secured 1.4 billion euros for its implementation. 

* This process will take time, and patience and tolerance are essential given the difficult circumstances we started from. The forward path has also begun to take shape. For instance, the Ministry of Finance has sustained partnerships with the international donor community for budget support and economic assessment. Currently, we are seeing some economic growth tied to a reform agenda. Critics often claim that the government blames our 'inherited bankrupt economy' and Jammeh for underperformance. However, Jammeh has only been out of office for nearly two years, and it’s important to understand the context. When we took office, we faced a severe brain drain, as many of our skilled professionals had left due to political persecution or economic hardship. This created a capacity deficit, which is a major factor in governance, especially democratic governance, where engaging all stakeholders is critical yet challenging. I don’t shy away from acknowledging the government’s difficulties and challenges—I am part of them and remain within the coalition government. However, it's crucial to consider these underlying issues when assessing the successes and challenges of our administration.&quot;

* &quot;I would rate him fairly well, giving President Barrow a 60%, considering the challenges he inherited and the current situation. We have the resources, but the capacity is lacking. The issue of peace and stability was a major concern from the start. There were numerous crises that he had to manage, which led to sleepless nights for him and many of us. We had to ensure social cohesion, dealing with incidents like the Faraba case, the Busumbula youths, and the doctors’ strike—things were sporadic, changing from one issue to the next. Barrow is a very peaceful man, regardless of where I stand. As a believer, I speak the truth because that’s what matters in the end, and that’s what I’ll be accountable for. We have a leader who needs our support. Coming from the private sector, he had no previous experience in public service. That in itself deserves credit, as he assembled a cabinet of people from various disciplines. Within one year, his government managed to stabilize the economy, which was in disarray, and stabilize the country amidst various factions, including an active APRC. When we took over, the private sector was in a dire state, burdened by high taxes and a lack of incentives to promote growth and create jobs. Civil society and the media were disillusioned, so we had to reignite the sense of citizenship and work towards rebuilding the country.&quot;

* &quot;No, I never had the intention to be foreign minister. His Excellency never offered me the position, and I never asked for it. I had no ambition for any particular role. My focus was on ensuring that he had a strong cabinet, and I supported him in that process. He consulted all the political leaders and offered positions to them. For me, political leaders are more important than any position. It’s never been about the role itself. If it were about positions, I would have gone back to the UN or pursued another opportunity, as I have the qualifications. While I’m not perfect, I would have sought higher roles if it were about personal gain. Now, if positions didn’t matter, why did I hold onto the vice president position for so long when I knew my age was a factor? Why didn’t I step aside? I could have said, 'I’ve helped remove Jammeh, that’s enough,' but I chose to stay, even though The Gambia was without a full-time vice president. It's good you asked. I’ve often consulted with the president about stepping down, suggesting that my ambition was to support him in any role other than vice president. I even suggested some names for the vice president role, and he is a living witness to this. But people don’t fully understand me. The president told me that, as far as he and the country are concerned, I deserved to be vice president—not for personal reasons, but because of my background and experience. He said this when he swore me in. He didn’t appoint me because I was the chair of the coalition. He chose me because of the trust, my expertise, and my contributions to the coalition.&quot;

* He was firm in his belief and conviction that I was the right candidate to support him at that time.

* Constitutionally, you can oversee a position, and that’s why it’s important for people to understand their constitution, as it is the foundation that governs the country. You can assume oversight in cases such as when someone passes away in office, and an eligible person can step in. But when it comes to constitutional amendments, let’s be clear: am I the one benefiting from the changes? If the constitution hadn’t been amended, would Honourable Ousainu Darboe be vice president? Would we have had competent lawyers like Sourahata Janneh and others on the commission? We need to look beyond individual interests and focus on what’s best for the country. 

* This constitution, after all, was designed by former President Jammeh primarily for his own benefit. For 65 years, we’ve been signatories to the Universal Declaration of Human Rights and various other human rights agreements. Article 16 of the Universal Declaration says there should never be discrimination based on age, gender, race, or religion. So, imposing an age limit is inherently discriminatory, and globally, no country has such a limit in their constitution. What truly matters is the competence and loyalty of an individual, and this is the way forward. Similar situations occurred in Southern Africa, such as in Zambia in 2008 when Rupiah Banda became president. A few years into his presidency, a law was passed banning people over 70 from running for office, specifically targeting the main opposition leader, Michael Sata, who was 71, just three years younger than President Banda. It wasn’t just The Gambia that faced such challenges. While you say the law was Jammeh’s, I agree that there are both good and bad laws in his system. Some of the laws are, in fact, beneficial, regardless of where I stand. I want to be straightforward and truthful. My priority is the Gambia’s agenda, not personal interests. On the global stage, The Gambia must align with the United Nations and the world at large. Our participation in the UN General Assembly is part of that, and we learn from global practices. However, we must ensure that we follow democratic principles. The reason for our transition is to establish democratic governance where everyone feels included and has a voice, and where laws protect the human rights of both individuals and communities.

* Not really, I don’t see things that way. My life has always been one of faith. I believe that what God has destined for me is what I am living now, and I accept it until I return to Him. Every stage of my life has been defined by Him. I was happy to serve and support President Barrow fully—100 percent. I am confident that if you spoke to him, he would confirm that I always gave him the support he needed. I have been completely loyal to him and to my country. What matters to me is that I swore on the Holy Qur’an to be loyal to my country, support my president, and serve the people of The Gambia. That is exactly what I did. The president holds me in high regard, and he has said so both in my presence and at various forums. I worked closely with him, and he still has confidence in me, which is what truly matters. If I had left due to violating the constitution, I would have felt embarrassed, but I never felt betrayed. I leave everything in God’s hands. He created me and has given me what is meant for me. Being a believer, I view this as a test from God, a way for me to grow closer to Him. I have never been closer to God than I am now, and I will never hold any grudge against President Barrow. My participation in many programs, such as the TRRC, is evidence of that.

* Yes, I felt I needed time to reflect on it. Having worked with the UN, I reached a level beyond that of an ambassador. We have to be realistic—I don’t have a sense of entitlement. I was beyond the rank of ambassador, and returning to the UN mission in that capacity would have felt like a demotion for me.
**[https://standard.gm/fatoumata-jallow-tambajang-former-vice-president-of-the-gambia/ Fatoumata Jallow-Tambajang Former Vice President of The Gambia] ''December 21, 2018''

== External Links==
[https://www.geantesinvisibles.com/en/biography/fatoumata-jallow-tambajang/ Biography]

{{DEFAULTSORT:Tambajang, Fatoumata}}
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    <title>Zuleika Alambert</title>
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      <text bytes="2146" sha1="l5egnpz7lgrnozofj4grx4gw3xvlc79" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Zuleika Alambert|Zuleika Alambert]]'''  (23 December 1922, in Santos – 27 December 2012, in Rio de Janeiro) was a Brazilian writer, feminist, and politician. She was elected a State Representative for the city of Santos in 1947 by the [[w:Brazilian Communist Party|Brazilian Communist Party]], becoming one of the first women to hold a seat in the [[w:Legislative Assembly of São Paulo|Legislative Assembly of São Paulo]].

==Quotes==
*I was one of the first women to occupy a slot in the Legislative Assembly of this city.  Presidió el Consejo Estatal de la Condición Femenina;  I was coordinator of the Education, Culture and Environment Committee.
**[https://www.facebook.com/211326782214118/posts/pfbid03QhhNhNg27L8nvphJvoX35kvHa3qsFAvCzXryS1TttkZNwFrCyTsThx7Wnv6RJ3Pl/?app=fbl]
*I was a refugee in Paris, France.  He died in Río de Janeiro on December 27, 2012.
**[https://www.facebook.com/211326782214118/posts/pfbid03QhhNhNg27L8nvphJvoX35kvHa3qsFAvCzXryS1TttkZNwFrCyTsThx7Wnv6RJ3Pl/?app=fbl]
*I was a feminist leader and fought for social rights in Brazil.
**[https://www.facebook.com/494662427361667/posts/pfbid02p4Hry8kU69kZ6d8jBYnSvkSHgh5a4DiSYPa1azXsrPsKBhbyG75t9i4zfKSsDGrol/?app=fbl]
*Participated in movements to support women in his country. 
**[https://www.facebook.com/494662427361667/posts/pfbid02p4Hry8kU69kZ6d8jBYnSvkSHgh5a4DiSYPa1azXsrPsKBhbyG75t9i4zfKSsDGrol/?app=fbl]
*Funded the State Council for Women's Conditions in the State of São Paulo and coordinated the State Commission for Education, Culture and Environment in the State of São Paulo
**[https://www.facebook.com/494662427361667/posts/pfbid02p4Hry8kU69kZ6d8jBYnSvkSHgh5a4DiSYPa1azXsrPsKBhbyG75t9i4zfKSsDGrol/?app=fbl]

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Alambert, Zuleika}}
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      <text bytes="2158" sha1="odocwesgyzigqu1smcl8d0ar2hi6whv" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Zuleika Alambert|Zuleika Alambert]]'''  (23 December 1922, in Santos – 27 December 2012, in Rio de Janeiro) was a Brazilian writer, feminist, and politician. She was elected a State Representative for the city of Santos in 1947 by the [[w:Brazilian Communist Party|Brazilian Communist Party]], becoming one of the first women to hold a seat in the [[w:Legislative Assembly of São Paulo|Legislative Assembly of São Paulo]].

==Quotes==
*I was one of the first women to occupy a slot in the Legislative Assembly of this city.  Presidió el Consejo Estatal de la Condición Femenina;  I was coordinator of the Education, Culture and Environment Committee.
**[https://www.facebook.com/211326782214118/posts/pfbid03QhhNhNg27L8nvphJvoX35kvHa3qsFAvCzXryS1TttkZNwFrCyTsThx7Wnv6RJ3Pl/?app=fbl]
*I was a refugee in Paris, France.  He died in Río de Janeiro on December 27, 2012.
**[https://www.facebook.com/211326782214118/posts/pfbid03QhhNhNg27L8nvphJvoX35kvHa3qsFAvCzXryS1TttkZNwFrCyTsThx7Wnv6RJ3Pl/?app=fbl]
*I was a feminist leader and fought for social rights in Brazil.
**[https://www.facebook.com/494662427361667/posts/pfbid02p4Hry8kU69kZ6d8jBYnSvkSHgh5a4DiSYPa1azXsrPsKBhbyG75t9i4zfKSsDGrol/?app=fbl]
*Participated in movements to support women in his country. 
**[https://www.facebook.com/494662427361667/posts/pfbid02p4Hry8kU69kZ6d8jBYnSvkSHgh5a4DiSYPa1azXsrPsKBhbyG75t9i4zfKSsDGrol/?app=fbl]
*Funded the State Council for Women's Conditions in the State of São Paulo and coordinated the State Commission for Education, Culture and Environment in the State of São Paulo
**[https://www.facebook.com/494662427361667/posts/pfbid02p4Hry8kU69kZ6d8jBYnSvkSHgh5a4DiSYPa1azXsrPsKBhbyG75t9i4zfKSsDGrol/?app=fbl]

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}

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      <text bytes="2123" sha1="93pqmj7cqd3uapmawnsytrw7d9yaixs" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Zuleika Alambert|Zuleika Alambert]]'''  (23 December 1922, in Santos – 27 December 2012, in Rio de Janeiro) was a Brazilian writer, feminist, and politician. She was elected a State Representative for the city of Santos in 1947 by the [[w:Brazilian Communist Party|Brazilian Communist Party]], becoming one of the first women to hold a seat in the [[w:Legislative Assembly of São Paulo|Legislative Assembly of São Paulo]].

==Quotes==
*I was one of the first women to occupy a slot in the Legislative Assembly of this city.  Presidió el Consejo Estatal de la Condición Femenina;  I was coordinator of the Education, Culture and Environment Committee.
**[https://www.facebook.com/211326782214118/posts/pfbid03QhhNhNg27L8nvphJvoX35kvHa3qsFAvCzXryS1TttkZNwFrCyTsThx7Wnv6RJ3Pl/?app=fbl]
*I was a refugee in Paris, France.  He died in Río de Janeiro on December 27, 2012.
**[https://www.facebook.com/211326782214118/posts/pfbid03QhhNhNg27L8nvphJvoX35kvHa3qsFAvCzXryS1TttkZNwFrCyTsThx7Wnv6RJ3Pl/?app=fbl]
*I was a feminist leader and fought for social rights in Brazil.
**[https://www.facebook.com/494662427361667/posts/pfbid02p4Hry8kU69kZ6d8jBYnSvkSHgh5a4DiSYPa1azXsrPsKBhbyG75t9i4zfKSsDGrol/?app=fbl]
*Participated in movements to support women in his country. 
**[https://www.facebook.com/494662427361667/posts/pfbid02p4Hry8kU69kZ6d8jBYnSvkSHgh5a4DiSYPa1azXsrPsKBhbyG75t9i4zfKSsDGrol/?app=fbl]
*Funded the State Council for Women's Conditions in the State of São Paulo and coordinated the State Commission for Education, Culture and Environment in the State of São Paulo
**[https://www.facebook.com/494662427361667/posts/pfbid02p4Hry8kU69kZ6d8jBYnSvkSHgh5a4DiSYPa1azXsrPsKBhbyG75t9i4zfKSsDGrol/?app=fbl]

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Alambert, Zuleika}}
[[Category:Non-fiction authors from Brazil]]
[[Category:Feminists]]
[[Category:Communists]]
[[Category:Women authors from Brazil]]
[[Category:Women politicians in Brazil]]
[[Category:1922 births]]
[[Category:2012 deaths]]
[[Category:Women born in the 1920s]]
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    <title>User:Darren J. Prior</title>
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      <text bytes="53121" sha1="d7djkhi85ywhhgzb105vwjqaiu8s215" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Darren J. Prior, Malin Head Cionn Mhálanna (2024) (cropped).jpg|thumb|300px|Malin Head, Co. Donegal (2024)]]

[[File:Spiral triskelion many windings.svg|thumb|right|250px|Celtic triple spiral symbol]]

== About me==

I have an undergraduate Higher Diploma and a BA in Journalism. I am involved with Near FM and work in the Community, Voluntary and Development Sectors in general. While I am based in Dublin I cover a lot of national and international issues and interview people from across Ireland and not infrequently people based outside the country too.


Hansfield, Clonsilla, Dublin 15, Ireland.

Páirc Hans, Cluain Saileach, Baile Átha Cliath 15, Éire.


*Wikipedia – [https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Darren_J._Prior Darren J. Prior]  (I am rarely active on Wikipedia).
*Vicipéid – [https://ga.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/%C3%9As%C3%A1ideoir:Darren_J._Prior Darren J. Prior]  The Irish-language version of Wikipedia.
*Wikimedia Commons – [https://commons.m.wikimedia.org/wiki/User:Darren_J._Prior Darren J. Prior]  Photos and some podcasts.


== Pages I have started on Wikiquote (2024-2026): ==

*[[Nicole LePera]] –
*[[Irish language]] –
*[[John O'Donohue]] –
*[[M. Scott Peck]] –

== Quotes added below: ==

== Alain de Botton ==
*Only a few things that any mind, however great, has ever said are likely to be of central lasting importance.
* These key points are detachable from the full body of a thinker’s work.
*We are forgetful, time-pressured creatures. We are liable to forget every intricacy of a complex sustained argument. So we need central messages spelt out memorably and simply.
* Whatever academic culture tells us, context is not decisive. Important truths get lodged in odd places and can be extricated from them; they may lie in 3rd-century China, in an aristocratic salon in 18th-century Paris or in a small house in an alpine village in the 19th century. Yet what remains in the end is what they can do for us now.
* It’s a tragic paradox that there are ways of showing reverence for the great thinkers that end up preventing them from having an impact in the world – the exact opposite of what reverence was hoping to achieve. Being a little casual with a great thinker is the biggest homage one could pay to him or her.
* Our guiding concern is that great ideas should be widely known and that they should be active in our lives.
**Alain de Botton. ''Great Thinkers''. London: The School of Life, 2016.

== Wallace D. Wattles ==

*The purpose of life for man is growth, just as the purpose of life for trees and plants is growth.
**Wallace D. Wattles, ''The Science of Being Well'' (1910).
*The grateful mind is constantly fixed upon the best; therefore it tends to become the best; it takes the form or character of the best, and will receive the best.
**Wallace D. Wattles, ''The Science of Getting Rich'' (1910).
*There is never any hurry on the creative plane; and there is no lack of opportunity.
**Wallace D. Wattles, ''The Science of Getting Rich'' (1910).

== [[Muhammad Ali]] ==

*We all have the same God, we just serve him differently. Rivers, lakes, ponds, streams, oceans all have different names, but they all contain water. So do religions have different names, and they all contain truth, expressed in different ways forms and times. It doesn’t matter whether you’re a Muslim, a Christian, or a Jew. When you believe in God, you should believe that all people are part of one family. If you love God, you can’t love only some of his children.
**[[Muhammad Ali]] with Hana Yasmeen Ali, ''The Soul of a Butterfly: Reflections on Life’s Journey'', Simon &amp; Schuster (2004).

*I’m the greatest. I said that even before I knew I was.
**[[Muhammad Ali]] 1960s media interviews.

*God gave me Parkinson’s syndrome to show me I’m not the greatest — He is.
**[[Muhammad Ali]] Interview (various appearances, 1990s–2000s).

*Service to others is the rent you pay for your room here on Earth.
**'[[Muhammad Ali]] ''The Soul of a Butterfly'' (2004).

*Don’t count the days — make the days count.
**[[Muhammad Ali]] Interview (1970s).

*God is watching me. God doesn’t praise me because I beat Joe Frazier… God looks at the heart.
**[[Muhammad Ali]] Interview around the time of Thrilla in Manila.

*A man who has no imagination has no wings.
**[[Muhammad Ali]] Interview (1977).

== Dr. [[Nicole LePera]] ==

*The only person who can save you, is you.
** [[Nicole LePera]], Nicole's SelfHealers Circe social media (9th February 2025).
*Knowledge matters.&lt;br&gt;The mental health world has a history of gatekeeping.
**[[Nicole LePera]], Official social media (May 17th 2023).
*Men with an unhealed parent wound and a functional substance use issue are the most dangerous people in society.
**[[Nicole LePera]], Official social media (1st February 2026).
*Research shows about 15% of the population have the ability to self reflect. Even fewer have the ability to solve conflict and emotionally regulate. Don’t take people’s lack of emotional skills, personally. It’s rarely about us— even when it feels good to believe it is. Freeing yourself from taking things personally allows you to set boundaries, not drown in shame, and to stop trying to fix what you didn’t break.
** [[Nicole LePera]], Official social media (12 January 2025).
*We’ve been conditioned to look for authority figures to give us permission or show us what’s right for us. The greatest authority is your own intuition. 
** [[Nicole LePera]], Nicole's SelfHealers Circe social media (18th July 2025).
*To heal your mind, you must also heal your gut. 
** [[Nicole LePera]], Nicole's SelfHealers Circe social media (18th July 2025).
*Someone needs to hear this: you can’t regulate your nervous system in a toxic relationship.
** [[Nicole LePera]], Official social media (5th June 2025).
*We’re at a time in human history where people are finally educated on healing, trauma, and healthy family dynamics. Some dismiss this as “pop psychology” others will use the information to break the cycle and build the life they deserve.
** [[Nicole LePera]], Official social media (8th September 2025)/
*The best mental health intervention for children is emotionally available parents.
** [[Nicole LePera]], Official social media (11th October 2024).
*When someone gives you mixed signals, what they’re actually saying is: &quot;I don’t know myself.&quot;
** [[Nicole LePera]], Official social media (2nd October 2024).
*Normalize not making little girls hug anyone. Let them say no. Teach them it’s ok to not want to be  touched, to need space, and to choose who they share affection with.&lt;br&gt;Let this generation stop the performance.
** [[Nicole LePera]], Official social media (30th October 2024).
*People do not have an &quot;addictive personality,&quot; they struggle to self soothe.
** [[Nicole LePera]], Official social media (2nd October 2024).
*Mother Nature is the best therapist on earth.
**[[Nicole LePera]], Official social media (15th September 2024).
*Social media is now how a majority of people self soothe.
**[[Nicole LePera]], Official social media (17th August 2024).
*What’s ruining relationships these days: unrealistic expectations and unresolved childhood trauma.
**[[Nicole LePera]],Official social media (12th February 2024).
*Life requires vision.&lt;br&gt;Seeing your past clearly. Seeing who you actually are clearly. And making choices in alignment with what you want.&lt;br&gt;Most people are blind, sleep walking through life, making unconscious choices.&lt;br&gt;You have to be willing to see.
** [[Nicole LePera]], Official social media (9th November 2023).
*True love is consistent.
** [[Nicole LePera]], Official social media (29th August 2024).
*''Question: What do you think is the biggest problem of current millennial generation?''&lt;br&gt;Nicole: The same problem as every generation: lack of authentic connection to self.
** [[Nicole LePera]], Official social media (4th November 2023).
*Remove people from meaning in their lives. From their families most of the day. Put them in intensely stressful financial situations where they can easily numb with processed food, alcohol, or drugs  and of course people are depressed.&lt;br&gt; People are responding to a sick culture.
** [[Nicole LePera]], Official social media (20th July 2023).
*People are waking up to the reality that our emotional health matters. Burnout isn’t something to work through. Obsessive achievement feels empty. Deep relationships, intimate moments, and shared experiences are the future.&lt;br&gt;We want evolution.
** [[Nicole LePera]], Official social media (3rd June 2023).
*Our wounds become our demons when we refuse to acknowledge them.
** [[Nicole LePera]], Official social media (28 May 2023).
*When people can’t control you, they’ll create a story about you. Take a deep breath and remember who you are. Put no energy into false narratives. The truth will one day speak for itself.
** [[Nicole LePera]], Official social media (28th May 2023).
*It is manipulation. So many people think manipulation is this terrible, evil thing. It’s simply an attempt to get a need met in a dysfunctional way.
** [[Nicole LePera]], Official social media (28th May 2023).
*''Question: What is your personal philosophy, in 3 words or less?''&lt;br&gt;Nicole: Consciously create life.
** [[Nicole LePera]], Official social media (17th May 2023).
*The less you cater to a system that wants us to betray ourselves, the more people will be committed to misunderstanding you.&lt;br&gt;This isn’t a sign to conform.&lt;br&gt;It’s a sign you’re getting free.
** [[Nicole LePera]], Official social media (April 6 2023).
*Bullies are typically wounded people with extremely low self worth. Healthy people who have things going on in their lives don’t bully other people. What we need in society is inspired people creating things and sharing ideas.
** [[Nicole LePera]], Official social media (4th April 2023).
*We have a depressed collective because we’re not told how important it is to paint, write, and make things. Without creativity humans go into survival mode.
** [[Nicole LePera]], Official social media (June 12th 2024).

== Dr. Jen Wolkin ==
*Sometimes, people leave because of what you stir in them, not because you’re too much. 
**Dr. Jen Wolkin, Official X (January 22nd 2026).

== [[Rumi]] / Rūmī ==

*Wherever you stand, be the soul of that place.
**English paraphrase of themes in the Masnavī and Dīwān-e Shams.

== [[John O'Donohue]] quotes ==

* We were created to be creators.
**[[John O'Donohue]] ''Divine Beauty: The Invisible Embrace'' (2003)

*It is ironic that so often we continue to live like paupers though our inheritance of spirit is so vast.
**[[John O'Donohue]] ''Benedictus – A Book of Blessings'' (2007)
*One of the great modern philosophers of beauty, Immanuel Kant, spoke of the joy we take in the Beautiful as 'disinterested delight'. The animation of the Beautiful is so immediate and fulfilling that we simply enjoy it for itself; it never occurs to us to ask what purpose it serves.
**[[John O'Donohue]] ''Divine Beauty: The Invisible Embrace'' (2010)
* In contrast to how a child belongs in the world, adult belonging is never as natural, innocent, or playful. Adult belonging has to be chosen, received, and renewed. It is a lifetime's work.
**[[John O'Donohue]] ''Eternal Echoes – Exploring Our Hunger To Belong'' (2011)

== Dr. [[M. Scott Peck]] quotes ==


*Mental health is an ongoing process of dedication to reality at all costs.
** {{cite book|author=[[M. Scott Peck]]|title=The Road Less Travelled||publisher=Simon &amp; Schuster |year=1978||page=51|isbn=  978-0-7432-4315-5}}

*Mental health requires that the human will submit itself to something higher than itself. To function decently in this world we must submit ourselves to some principle that takes precedence over what we might want at any given moment... even the non-religious submit themselves, whether they know it or not, to some 'higher power' - be it truth or love, the needs of others, or the demands of reality. 
** {{cite book|author=[[M. Scott Peck]]|title=People of the Lie: The Hope for Healing Human Evil||publisher=Simon &amp; Schuster |year=1983||page=218|isbn=  9780684848594}}

*Radical thinkers are also independent thinkers.
** {{cite book|author=[[M. Scott Peck]]|title=The Road Less Travelled and Beyond: Spiritual Growth in an Age of Anxiety|page= 27|publisher=Simon &amp; Schuster |year=1997|isbn= 978-0-684-83561-7}}

* I see no value whatsover in unconstructive suffering.
**[[M. Scott Peck]], ''The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth'' (New York: Simon &amp; Schuster / Touchstone, 1998 ed. [orig. 1978]), Part I – “Discipline,” p. 63.

*It is through the pain of confronting and resolving problems that we learn.
**[[M. Scott Peck]], ''The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth'' (New York: Simon &amp; Schuster / Touchstone, 1998 ed. [orig. 1978]), Part I – “Discipline,” .

*I believe that the differences between those who are actively religious or spiritual and those who are not  are generally not so much random as developmental.
** M. Scott Peck, ''The Road Less Travelled and Beyond: Spiritual Growth in an Age of Anxiety.'' Page 248 UK edition.

*Compartmentalization is not the root of all evil; it is, however, the principal psychological mechanism of evil. Deprive an evil man of his capacity to compartmentalize, and he will be like a general without an army. Or better yet, he will undergo a conversion to goodness — a conversion to integrity.
**[[M. Scott Peck]] (1983). ''People of the Lie: The Hope for Healing Human Evil'' (New York: Simon &amp; Schuster, 1983).

*Life is a series of problems. Do we want to moan about them or solve them? Do we want to teach our children to solve them?
**[[M. Scott Peck]], ''The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth'' (New York: Simon &amp; Schuster / Touchstone, 1998 ed. [orig. 1978]), Part I – “Discipline,” .

*If all the energy required to think seems troublesome, the lack of thinking causes far more trouble and conflict for ourselves as individuals and for the society in which we live.
** {{cite book|author=[[M. Scott Peck]]|title=The Road Less Travelled and Beyond: Spiritual Growth in an Age of Anxiety|page= 27|publisher=Simon &amp; Schuster |year=1997|isbn= 978-0-684-83561-7}}

*The spirit of evil is one of unreality, but it itself is real. To think otherwise is to be misled.
** {{cite book|author=[[M. Scott Peck]]|title=People of the Lie: The Hope for Healing Human Evil||publisher=Simon &amp; Schuster |year=1983||page=218|isbn=  9780684848594}}

* It is important to realize that cults are a dime a dozen and that a great many businesses are cults.
** {{cite book|author=[[M. Scott Peck]]|title=Further Along The Road Less Travelled||page= 215|publisher=Simon &amp; Schuster |year=1998||page=123|isbn= 9780684847238}}

* One of the major dilemmas we face both as individuals and as a society is simplistic thinking – or the failure to think at all. It is not just ''a'' problem, it is ''the'' problem.
** {{cite book|author=[[M. Scott Peck]]|title=The Road Less Travelled and Beyond: Spiritual Growth in an Age of Anxiety|page= 25|publisher=Simon &amp; Schuster |year=1997|isbn= 978-0-684-83561-7}}

*Although the act of nurturing another's spiritual growth has the effect of nurturing one's own, a major characteristic of genuine love is that the distinction between oneself and the other is always maintained and preserved.
** {{cite book|author=[[M. Scott Peck]]|title=The Road Less Travelled|publisher=Simon &amp; Schuster |year=1978||page=140|isbn= 978-0-7432-4315-5}}

*In any case, in Vietnam it was the extraordinary power of nationalism, not communism, that brought the United States to its knees. To oppose legitimate nationalism is to do so at our peril.
** {{cite book|author=[[M. Scott Peck]]|title=The Different Drum: Community Making and Peace |publisher=Simon &amp; Schuster |year=1987||page=275|isbn= 067160192X}}

*My favorite definition of evil is that it is militant ignorance.
** {{cite book|author=[[M. Scott Peck]]|title=People of the Lie: The Hope for Healing Human Evil||publisher=Simon &amp; Schuster |year=1983|page=178||isbn=  9780684848594}}

*The mystery of goodness is greater than that of evil.
** [[M. Scott Peck]] ''The Road Less Travelled and Beyond: Spiritual Growth in an Age of Anxiety''. Page 271, Simon &amp; Schuster (1997).

*The problem of evil is perhaps the most fundamental of all human problems.&lt;br&gt;True community is always in a state of almost constant terror at the problem of human evil.
** {{cite book|author=[[M. Scott Peck]]|title=The Different Drum: Community Making and Peace |publisher=Simon &amp; Schuster |year=1987|isbn= 067160192X}}

*The individual with a secular consciousness essentially thinks that he is the center of the universe. Such people tend to be quite intelligent. They know full well that they are but one of six billion human beings scratching out an existence on the surface of a medium-sized planet that is a small fragment of a tiny solar system within a galaxy among countless galaxies, and that each of those other human beings also thinks that he is the center of the universe. Consequently, intelligent though they may be, people with a secular consciousness are prone to feel a bit lost within this hugeness and, despite their &quot;centrality,&quot; to often experience a sense of meaninglessness and insignificance.&lt;br&gt;The person with a sacred consciousness, on the other hand, does not think of himself as the center of the universe. For him the center resides elsewhere, specifically in God — in the Sacred. Yet despite this lack of centrality, he is actually less likely to feel himself insignificant or meaningless than the secularist is, because he sees himself existing in relationship with that Sacred Other, and it is from this relationship that he derives his meaning and significance.&lt;br&gt;Sometimes people fall in between, with one foot planted in sacred consciousness and the other in secular consciousness...
** {{cite book|author=[[M. Scott Peck]]|title=The Road Less Travelled and Beyond: Spiritual Growth in an Age of Anxiety|page= 246-247|publisher=Simon &amp; Schuster |year=1997|isbn= 978-0-684-83561-7}}
*You may remember that ''The Road Less Travelled'' opened with the sentence &quot;Life is difficult.&quot; And to that great truth, I will now add another translation:&lt;br&gt;Life is complex.
** {{cite book|author=[[M. Scott Peck]]|title=Further Along The Road Less Travelled||page= 215|publisher=Simon &amp; Schuster |year=1993||page=13|isbn= 9780684847238}}
*I want to scream this from the rooftops: ‘All symptoms are overdetermined.’ Except that I want to expand it way beyond psychiatry. I want to expand it to almost everything. I want to translate it, ‘Anything of any significance is overdetermined. Everything worth thinking about has more than one cause.’ Repeat after me: ‘For any single thing of importance, there are multiple reasons.’ … Because we assume there is a reason for everything, we go looking for ''it'' when we should be looking for ''them''.
**[[M. Scott Peck]] (1997). ''The Road Less Traveled and Beyond: Spiritual Growth in an Age of Anxiety''. New York: Simon &amp; Schuster, p. 22.
*Yet despite all the hype with which the candidates and the press and the networks attempt to create an entertaining spectacle out of politics, we must try to remember that politics is real. It should not be the drama of images. It is the drama of reality. Millions, billions of real lives are at stake.
** {{cite book|author=[[M. Scott Peck]]|title=The Road Less Travelled and Beyond: Spiritual Growth in an Age of Anxiety|page= 232|publisher=Simon &amp; Schuster |year=1997|isbn= 978-0-684-83561-7}}
*There are also, I believe, good addictions of a sort, and I have been blessed (or cursed) by one of them: an addiction to consciousness.
**[[M. Scott Peck]], ''Further Along the Road Less Traveled: The Unending Journey Toward Spiritual Growth'' (New York: Simon &amp; Schuster, 1993).
*In my practice as a psychotherapist, I would routinely tell my patients, &quot;Psychotherapy is not about happiness; it is about power. If you go the whole route here, I cannot guarantee that you will leave one jot happier. What I can guarantee you is that you will leave more competent&quot;.
** {{cite book|author=[[M. Scott Peck]]|title=The Road Less Travelled and Beyond: Spiritual Growth in an Age of Anxiety|page= 80|publisher=Simon &amp; Schuster, UK edition |year=1997|isbn= 978-0-684-83561-7}}
*Again and again all of the great religions tell us that the path away from narcissism is the path toward meaning in life. 
**[[M. Scott Peck]], ''The Road Less Travelled and Beyond: Spiritual Growth in an Age of Anxiety.'' Page 119 UK edition.

*At the other end of the human spectrum from the saints lie the least free, the evil. All one can see of them is the mud. And it all looks the same. In Chapter 3 I offered a clinical, nosological description of the evil personality. It is extraordinary how well the evil fit the mould. Once you’ve seen one evil person, you’ve essentially seen them all. Even psychotics, whom we are accustomed to thinking of as the most seriously deranged, are more interesting.
**[[M. Scott Peck]], ''People of the Lie: The Hope for Healing Human Evil'' (1983). Page 304 (UK edition).
*Among the reasons that the Oedipus complex is so important in psychiatry is that adults who have failed to resolve it usually have great difficulty in accomplishing many of the renunciations required for successful adult adjustments. They still have not learned that they cannot have their cake and eat it too.
**[[M. Scott Peck]], ''People of the Lie: The Hope for Healing Human Evil'' (1983). Page 176 (UK edition).

== [[Barry Long]] ==

*You are only as intelligent as what your intelligence reflects on – in other words, what your intelligence loves most determines how intelligent you are.
**Public talk, [https://www.facebook.com/BarryLongQuotes Covered here on Facebook].
*If you follow anything, you will not be intelligent.
**Public talk, [https://www.facebook.com/BarryLongQuotes Covered here on Facebook].
*Meditation is the art of entering your own unconscious.
**''Meditation: A Foundation Course.''
*Worry is the penalty for imagining that thinking is harmless.
**''Only Fear Dies.''
*There’s no truth in the past whatever. But it is normal to think that there’s truth in the past. So all human beings worship the past, or are fixated on the past, and that’s all right, because being human, there are different strata of intelligence, or what would be called consciousness of being human.&lt;br&gt;Why do you believe in anything? Why? Because you are so unhappy and so unsure of the truth, so unenlightened, that you have to believe in something like leaning against a lamp post when you’re drunk.&lt;br&gt;Do you need to believe in anything to breathe? What is this nonsense of belief? It is the bondage of the human race.&lt;br&gt;Enjoy your senses; the beauty of the evening through your senses. You don’t have to believe anything to enjoy walking around, do you?&lt;br&gt;All the priests write all the religious stories. Priests, modern priests as well as ancient priests, all miss the point of the master who says, &quot;I am the temple&quot;.
**Public talk, [https://www.facebook.com/BarryLongQuotes Covered here on Facebook].

== Edward Mannix ==

*Spiritual people must sometimes be spiritual warriors.
** {{cite book|author=Edward Mannix|title=Reinventing Truth||publisher=CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform |year=2011|isbn= 1456579452}}

== [[Sadhguru]] ==

*Without the necessary energy, being aware is extremely difficult.
** [[Sadhguru]], ''Official social media'' (2024).

*Human beings who do not break their self-created boundaries will remain trapped in them.
** [[Sadhguru]], Daily Quote - Isha Foundation website (February 13 2017).

*Prejudice is poison, fed to us from an early age by our families, religions and societies.
** [[Sadhguru]], ''Official social media'' (2024).

*There is no need to aspire to greatness. If you go beyond concerns of 'what about me,' you will anyway be a great human being.
** [[Sadhguru]], ''Official social media'' (2024).

*Jesus said, “The kingdom of God is within you.” Yoga is about experiencing it. 
** [[Sadhguru]], ''Official social media'' (2014).

*Success will come easy once you function at your full potential.
** [[Sadhguru]], ''Official social media'' (2024).

*The important thing is not that people love you but that you are loving.
** [[Sadhguru]], ''Official social media'' (2018).

*The best thing you can do for your family, your children, society, and the world around you is to enhance yourself.
** [[Sadhguru]], ''Official social media'' (2024).

*Life is about Consciousness – not concerns, compulsions, or conflict. May the coming months bring the profoundness of human existence that leads to a blissful life.
** [[Sadhguru]], ''Official social media'' (2024).

*If somebody is hurting and it does not hurt you at all, that means you have forsaken your humanity.
** [[Sadhguru]], ''Official social media'' (2025).

*When people live together without understanding each other, their survival instinct turns everything into a fight.
** [[Sadhguru]], ''Official social media'' (2018).

*When you are able to create yourself the way you want, you can craft your Destiny the way you want as well.
** [[Sadhguru]], ''Official social media'' (2025).

*If you have any Love in your heart for your children, the best thing you can do is not to teach them, but to work upon yourself.
** [[Sadhguru]], ''Official social media'' (2026).

*Education should not be about molding children the way you want them, but about supporting their natural longing to know and blossom.
** [[Sadhguru]], ''Official social media'' (2020).

*Genius is not individual. Genius is that dimension of life which is the source of creation which is there in a seed form in every human being. Whether we will create the atmosphere to unlock that or we will keep it supressed, is what the parents can do or not do. Please in some way let their (children) genius unfold. 
** [[Sadhguru]], ''Official social media'' (2025).

== [[Gary Zukav]] ==

*Lakota wisdom declares that the center of the universe is everywhere.&lt;br&gt;That is correct.&lt;br&gt; The center of the universe is in you.&lt;br&gt;It is in me.&lt;br&gt; 
**[[Gary Zukav]], Official social media (2025).
*Creating authentic power transforms you from a victim in your life to ''a creator of your life''.
**[[Gary Zukav]], Official social media (2023).
*Authentic power is the alignment of the personality with the soul.
**[[Gary Zukav]], Official social media (2018) also stated in his book The Seat of the Soul.
*The creation of authentic power requires that you distinguish between your artificial needs and your authentic needs.
**[[Gary Zukav]], Official social media (2018).
*As you become authentically powerful, you become the authority in your life.
**[[Gary Zukav]], Official social media (2021).
*Authentic power is a potential. To bring it into being, you have work to do.
**[[Gary Zukav]], Official social media (2022).

== Hazrat Ali / Ali bin Abi Talib ==

*''«قِلَّةُ الشُّكْرِ زَوَالُ النِّعْمَةِ».''
*Being ungrateful for a blessing causes it to be taken away.
** [[Ali]], Nahj al-Balagha.

== Dr. [[Carl Jung]] ==

*''Wir dürfen jedoch nicht vergessen, daß nur sehr wenige Menschen Künstler im Leben sind; daß die Lebenskunst die vornehmste und seltenste aller Künste ist''.
*But we must not forget that only a very few people are artists in life; that the art of life is the most distinguished and rarest of all the arts.
** [[Carl Jung]] ''Modern Man in Search of a Soul'' (1931)
*It occurred to him (Carl Jung) that it was perhaps no accident that we traditionally referred to alcoholic drinks as ‘spirits’, and that perhaps alcoholics were people who had a greater thirst for the spirit than others, and that perhaps alcoholism was a spiritual disorder or, better yet, a spiritual condition.
**[[M. Scott Peck]], ''Further Along the Road Less Traveled: The Unending Journey Toward Spiritual Growth''. New York: Simon &amp; Schuster (Touchstone), (1993). Section where Peck discusses Carl Jung and the origins of Alcoholics Anonymous – page number depends on edition.)
*''Solange der Schatten nicht bewusst gemacht wird, wird er projiziert, und der Mensch verurteilt im Anderen, was er in sich selbst nicht erkennen will.''
*If the shadow is not made conscious, it is projected; and the individual then lives below his own level, judging others instead of himself.
**[[Carl Jung]], Aion. Beiträge zur Symbolik des Selbst (1951) / Aion, Collected Works, Vol. 9ii, 126.
*''Der Mensch tut alles, wie absurd es auch sein mag, um ja nicht seiner eigenen Seele ins Auge zu sehen.''
*People will do anything, no matter how absurd, in order to avoid facing their own soul.
**[[Carl Jung]], Psychologie und Alchemie (1944). The original sentence in German is a bit different than the English translation.
*''Der höchste Sinn ist ein Weg, ein Weg und eine Brücke zu dem, was kommt.…''&lt;br&gt;''Der höchste Sinn ist die höchste Wahrheit, und die höchste Wahrheit ist eins und dasselbe mit dem Unsinn''.
*Supreme meaning is a path, a way and a bridge to what is to come. …&lt;br&gt;The supreme meaning is the highest truth, and the highest truth is one and the same with nonsense.
** [[Carl Jung]] ''The Red Book'' Liber Novus (1933).

== [[Jiddu Krishnamurti]] ==

*Nobody listened to him (the Buddha); that is why there is Buddhism.
**[[Jiddu Krishnamurti]], ''The Way of Intelligence'', Part 3 – “In Listening Is Transformation”. Krishnamurti Foundation text, hosted at HolyBooks page 54 (1985).
*Experience is not the measure of truth. Awareness of the false as the false is the freedom of truth.
**[[Jiddu Krishnamurti]], ''Commentaries on Living: First Series'' (Wheaton, IL: Theosophical Publishing House / Quest Books), “Cause and Effect,” p. 152 (1956).
*Leaders destroy the followers and followers destroy the leaders. You have to be your own teacher and your own disciple.
**[[Jiddu Krishnamurti]], ''Freedom from the Known'' (1969).
*It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.
**[[Jiddu Krishnamurti]], ''The Book of Life'', Editor Mary Lutyens, Penguin (2007).

== Fintan O'Toole ==

* Too many journalists, fixated as they are on today's events, have a weak sense of history.
** Fintan O'Toole, ''The Irish Times'' (2023).

* Fandom and journalism make bad bedfellows.
** Fintan O'Toole, ''The Irish Times'' (2023)

*Maybe the penny will finally drop ... that the best case for a united Ireland is a State that proves itself capable of making the island one of the best places in the world, not just to invest, but to live and work. What might attract a corporate board in California and a skilled worker from Spain just might do the same for a Protestant in Ballymena.
**Fintan O'Toole, ''The Irish Times'', 2023

*Brute force ... does not go well with ignorance.
**Fintan O'Toole, ''The Irish Times'' (2022)

*By 1948, the year Ireland became a republic, both Fianna Fáil and Fine Gael &quot;claimed as a priority the revival of the Irish language as the vernacular of the people – and both equally did nothing to stop the death of Irish-speaking communities like that on the Blaskets&quot;.
**Fintan O'Toole, ''We Don't Know Ourselves'', page 3 (2021).

== [[Muhammad Yunus]] ==

*... Culture is useless unless it is constantly challenged by counter culture. People create culture; culture creates people. It is a two-way street. When people hide behind a culture, you know that's a dead culture.
** [[Muhammad Yunus]], Quote from website.

== [[Gabor Maté]] ==

*In all countries with a colonial legacy, the questions we must ask are straightforward. How do societies move to heal the multigenerational trauma that drives the misery of many Native communities? What can be done to undo the dynamics our past has dictated? Some may balk at such inquriry, fearing the discomfort that comes with guilt. In truth, this is not a matter of communal guilt, but of communal responsibility. It is not about the past. It is about the present. And it is about all of us: when some among us suffer, ultimately we all do.
**[[Gabor Maté]] I''n the Realm of Hungry Ghosts'', Introduction (2018).

== Sarah Carey ==

*Both (Eoghan) Daltun and (Ray) Ó Foghlú argue that we consider barren mountain a normal part of the Irish landscape. It isn’t. The mountains should be covered in rainforest.
**Sarah Carey, ''The Irish Independent'' (2023)
*I conducted a little survey of government websites. I asked for page view numbers for English and Irish versions for some pages I picked at random.&lt;br&gt;All figures are for January 2025.&lt;br&gt; A HSE page about treating Covid-19 symptoms at home had 5,274 views in English and 23 in Irish.&lt;br&gt;A Department of Health page on the menopause had 337 views in English and four in Irish.&lt;br&gt; A Department of Social Welfare page about the fuel allowance for pensioners was viewed 13,892 times in English and twice in Irish.&lt;br&gt;A Department of Education page on guidelines for school designs had 1,007 views in English and two in Irish.
**Sarah Carey, ''The Irish Independent'' (2025)[https://www.independent.ie/opinion/comment/sarah-carey-i-say-nil-to-nativism-bureaucratic-box-ticking-with-the-irish-language-only-embeds-discrimination/a272809837.html].

*Will we – as I think we should – abolish all school patronage, or does everyone get to keep their preferred social and educational ghettos?
**Sarah Carey, ''The Irish Independent'' (2025) [https://www.independent.ie/opinion/comment/sarah-carey-there-is-a-rational-debate-to-be-had-on-a-united-ireland-if-we-can-rise-above-emotive-tribalism/a1876293081.html].

== [[Peter Schiff]] ==
*People today – even poor people – live a much more opulent life than wealthier people hundreds of years ago... The vast majority of people lived in squalor for centuries, for thouands and thousands of years really until the 19th century. That is where we started to get all the inventions.
**[[Peter Schiff]], Interview with Shannon Joy on her [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c7km6H2p_EQ podcast (December 2025)].
*When I talk about an AI bubble, I am not saying that there isn’t potential in artificial intelligence. In fact, I think there’s tremendous potential. I think there’s probably more potential there than in anything I’ve seen... I think that AI could be the most transformative invention as far as lifting the standard of living of all of humanity.
**[[Peter Schiff]], ''The Peter Schiff Show'' (SchiffGold podcast) - Video &quot;Bubbles Pop Everywhere&quot;  21 November (2025).

== Dr. Margaret Kennedy ==
*Think about this ... Your daughter and every young woman coming behind you are building their self worth algorithm from your data.&lt;br&gt;We underestimate how early conditioning teaches girls to shrink. Not deliberately. Not maliciously. Just quietly, through years of small expectations they learn to meet.&lt;br&gt;In WiLD (Women in Leadership Development) we see the impact of this gendered conditioning every year. Brilliant women arriving already capable yet doubting their readiness or questioning whether they belong in bigger roles. However, once they see the conditioning for what it is, the shift is remarkable.&lt;br&gt;The cost isn’t humility. The cost is the quiet frustration and sometimes anger carried by women who have been overlooked and underestimated for far too long.&lt;br&gt; This is why the work matters.&lt;br&gt;
**Margaret Kennedy PhD, Linkedin[https://www.linkedin.com/posts/dr-margaret-kennedy_my-daughters-daycare-teacher-pulled-me-aside-activity-7403406042966941696-O0Ro?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=member_desktop&amp;rcm=ACoAAAUEHmgBXQKDIFGeNUENSxZJ5SH-U72wJ4g] (2025).

== Penelope Quest ==

*The term Reiki Master was a rough translation of Sensei, meaning respected teacher. In reality, no one can 'master' Reiki, because it is a divine energy, so in essence being a 'Reiki Master' means following a spiritual path towards self-mastery; this can be a physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually demanding healing journey, although of course it can also be very rewarding.
** {{cite book|author=Penelope Quest|title=Self-Healing with Reiki- How to Create Wholeness, Harmony &amp; Balance for Body, Mind &amp; Spirit|publisher=Piatkus |year=2003|isbn= 978-0749929725
}}

== Pádraig Ó Cuanacháin ==

* ''Tá léarscáileanna sa teanga dhúchais ar fáil i ngach tír a bhfuil féinmheas acu orthu féin.''
** Translation: Every self-respecting country has their own language on their maps.
**Pádraig Ó Cuanacháin, Gael-Taca – Quoted in English in ''The Sunday Times'' (Ireland) in 2005. 

* ''An t-aon fhadhb atá agamsa ná easpa tuisceanna i measc na heagraíochtaí Gaeilge mar gheall ar thábhacht cúrsaí margaíochta.''
** Translation: The only problem I have is the lack of understanding among the Irish-language organisations regarding the importance of marketing.
**Pádraig Ó Cuanacháin, Gael-Taca – Speaking on ''RTÉ Raidió na Gaeltachta'' in 2007[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ZmtiHzY4DA].

*Viewing the more traditional Irish language revival organisations as too narrow and conservative, he felt they had failed to sell Irish to people at grassroots level.
** Obituary in ''The Irish Times'' about Pádraig Ó Cuanacháin a few months after his death in 2008[https://www.irishtimes.com/news/a-passionate-yet-pragmatic-crusader-for-the-irish-language-1.910356].

== J.J. Lee ==

*The failure, however, did not lie mainly in the schools. It was the blatant failure of the state itself to devise arrangements for the subsequent use of the language that largely discredited compulsory Irish. The children were given no incentive to master Irish as a living language, only as a dead one. The charade of Irish language tests for public employment, when everybody knew the language would hardly ever be used again, the whole fetid system of favouritism associated with language knowledge, as distinct from language use, inevitably left its mark, stamping the most idealistic and most important task undertaken by the new state as yet one more sleazy political racket. Genuine language lovers who ‘loathed the way that the politicians, the pedagogues, the urbanised peasants had sucked the life and beauty from it’ were brushed aside.
**J. J. Lee, ''Ireland: 1912–1985 – Politics and Society'' (Cambridge University Press, 1989), p. 670.

== Neale Donald Walsch ==

*The most loving person is the person who is Self-centered.
**Neale Donald Walsch, ''Conversations with God: An Uncommon Dialogue, Book 1'' Chapter 8 (1995).
*You can have anything you want in life, but you cannot have everything you want.
**Neale Donald Walsch, ''Conversations with God: An Uncommon Dialogue, Book 1'' (1995).
*Life is not a process of discovery, but a process of creation.
**Neale Donald Walsch, ''Conversations with God: An Uncommon Dialogue, Book 1''. Chapter 11, page 26-27 (1995).

*The reason for your soul's having come to the body is to evolve. That is, to become a grander and grander version of itself.&lt;br&gt;This is the purpose of your life on earth, and of life everywhere.
**Neale Donald Walsch, ''The New Revelations'', page 152 (2002).

*By that which you call evil do you define yourself – and by that which you call good. The biggest evil would therefore be to declare nothing evil at all.
** Neale Donald Walsch, ''Conversation with God: Book One'' (1996).

*A lot of people are going to want you to ''think'' that you are your yesterdays. In fact, some people are going to ''insist'' that you be. They will do this because they have a big investment in your continuing to show up that way. For one thing, they can then be &quot;right&quot; about you. 
**Neale Donald Walsch, ''Friendship with God: An Uncommon Dialogue'' Chapter 8 (1999).

*The moment you declare anything, everything unlike it will come into your experience. This is the Law of Opposites.
**Neale Donald Walsch, ''Conversations with God: An Uncommon Dialogue, Book 1''. Chapter 4, page 28-38 depending on edition (1995).

*The problem in the world today is not that we do not have enough rules; it is that we do not have enough values.
**{{cite book|author[Neale Donald Walsch|title=Conversations with God – Book 3||publisher=Hampton Roads Publishing Company |year=1998||isbn= 978-1571741035}}

*Life is not about you. It’s about everyone whose life you touch, and the way in which you touch it.
**Neale Donald Walsch, ''Conversations with God: An Uncommon Dialogue, Book 1'' (1995).

*Nothing of value is ever lost.
**Neale Donald Walsch, ''Conversations with God: An Uncommon Dialogue, Book 1'' (1995).
  
*You will be both worshiped and reviled, elevated and denigrated, honored and crucified.
**{{cite book|author[Neale Donald Walsch|title=Conversations with God – Book 3||publisher=Hampton Roads Publishing Company |year=1998||isbn= 978-1571741035}}

== Michelle Paisley Reed ==

*Picture, then allow.
**Michelle Paisley Reed, The Power of 10.
*If you want money, what you really want is freedom. And so, rightfully affirm that in Spirit, you are always free. And watch how examples of freedom — and, yes, money, but also inspiration and travel, creative opportunities and adventure — show up for you!
**Michelle Paisley Reed, The Power of 10.
*Learn from your children. They have more to teach you than you them. Learn to come together.
**Michelle Paisley Reed, The Power of 10.
*There is hope because with each evolving generation they are more intuitive, more filled with the light.&lt;br&gt;There is such a thing as evolution spiritually, physically, on every level.
**Michelle Paisley Reed, The Power of 10.

== Deidré Wallace ==

* In order to understand relationships you need to understand Sigmund Freud's Oedipus complex. 
** Deidré Wallace, [https://darrenjprior.blogspot.com/2016/12/deidre-wallace-15.html?max-results=100 Official social media (2016)].

== [[Albert Einstein]] ==
*''Ich lebe in jener Einsamkeit, die in der Jugend schmerzlich, aber in den Jahren der Reife köstlich ist.''
*I live in that solitude which is painful in youth, but delicious in the years of maturity.
**[[Albert Einstein]], First published in German in ''Mein Glaubensbekenntnis'' in 1932.
*''Die großen sittlichen Lehrer der Menschheit waren in gewissem Sinne mehr Genies der Lebenskunst als der Denkkunst''.
*Great moral teachers of humanity were, in a certain sense, geniuses in the art of living more than in the art of thinking.
**[[Albert Einstein]], Essays on religion and ethics (German originals, late 1920s–1932), later collected in ''Mein Weltbild'' and translated in the book ''Ideas and Opinions''.

== Bob Proctor ==
*We're not made for working, we're made for creating.
**Bob Proctor, [https://darrenjprior.blogspot.com/2021/06/bob-proctor-16.html?max-results=100 Official social media] (2021).

*We create our tomorrows by what we dream today.
**Bot Proctor, [https://darrenjprior.blogspot.com/2021/03/bob-proctor-13.html?max-results=100 Official social media] (2021).

*The absence of good habits can be just as destructive as a bad habit.&lt;br&gt;Create the habit of study into your everyday life.
** Bob Proctor, [https://darrenjprior.blogspot.com/2025/01/bob-proctor-40.html?max-results=100 Official social media] (2025).

== Lillian Glass ==


*Toxic people get their power from your reaction.&lt;br&gt;They feed on your anger and fear.&lt;br&gt; They thrive on guilt.&lt;br &gt;If you remain calm and refuse to react, you cut off their supply of energy.&lt;br&gt; **Lillian Glass — ''Toxic People: 10 Ways of Dealing with People Who Make Your Life Miserable'' ''Chapter 3: “Recognizing Energy Vampires&quot; page 45-46'' (1995)

== Denis O'Brien ==

* (The Irish State is) “complicit in facilitating global tax avoidance” ... &quot;This is perfectly legal and within OECD rules. But the question is: is it acceptable? It is modern day digital colonialism.&lt;br&gt;The system is contributing to gross inequality and is the main reason why African immigrants take huge risks in dinghies to reach rich European countries.
**Denis O’Brien (2025), part of speech quoted in ''The Irish Times'', [11 November 2025], talking about the Irish State's alleged complicity in global tax avoidance by large US technology companies in Africa and other countries[https://www.irishtimes.com/business/2025/11/11/irelands-graduates-entitled-and-tax-regime-digital-colonialism-denis-obrien/?fbclid=IwY2xjawOAlrxleHRuA2FlbQIxMABicmlkETA1SlFpNHNPMk44aFQ2Qjc0c3J0YwZhcHBfaWQQMjIyMDM5MTc4ODIwMDg5MgABHmRkreRtHd4NxXNl3Fmzd3ds_gfO5YEfCLamMxlZkjCQX3pO7lf8ZZXjlNHq_aem_myHRYL4Y9fsltWrvJVOsPw].

== Dennis Tourish ==
*Cults prey upon our aversion to uncertainty.
**Dennis Tourish (2003). Book - ''On the Edge: Political Cults Right and Left - Chapter - “Ideological Intransigence, Democratic Centralism and Cultism: A Case Study - The CWI''”. Original article - ''What Next?'' (magazine) No. 27[https://www.whatnextjournal.org.uk/Pages/Back/Wnext27/Cults.html].
*A central tenet of Trotskyist politics is its insistence that a &quot;vanguard party&quot; is required to guide the working class to power.
**Dennis Tourish (2003). Book - ''On the Edge: Political Cults Right and Left - Chapter - “Ideological Intransigence, Democratic Centralism and Cultism: A Case Study - The CWI''”. Original article - ''What Next?'' (magazine) No. 27[https://www.whatnextjournal.org.uk/Pages/Back/Wnext27/Cults.html].

== [[Anthony de Mello]] ==
*The one who would be constant in happiness must frequently change.
**Anthony de Mello, ''The Way to Love'' (1991).
*Almost every negative emotion you experience is the direct outcome of of an attachment. 
**Anthony de Mello, ''The Way to Love'' (1991).
*Spirituality means waking up.
**Anthony de Mello, ''Awareness'' (1992).
*There is nothing more practical than spirituality.
**Anthony de Mello, ''Awareness'' (1992).
*We never feel grief when we lose something that we have allowed to be free, that we have never attempted to possess. Grief is a sign that I made happiness depend on this thing or a person, at least to some extent. We’re so accustomed to hear the opposite of this that what I say sounds inhuman, doesn’t it?
**Anthony de Mello, ''Awareness'' (1992).
*Do you know one sign that you’ve woken up? It’s when you are asking yourself, ‘Am I crazy, or are all of them crazy?’ … Because we are crazy. The whole world is crazy. Certifiable lunatics! The only reason we’re not locked up in an institution is that there are so many of us. So we’re crazy.
**Anthony de Mello, ''Awareness'' (1992).
*So, the idea is, unfortunately, that God’s grace is available to everyone.&lt;br&gt;The tragedy of the human race is not that there is a shortage of God’s grace; it’s that there’s a shortage of proper understanding.&lt;br&gt;We got wrong ideas that need to be corrected.&lt;br&gt;
**Anthony de Mello, ''Awareness'' (1992).

== [[Kahlil Gibran]] ==

*Yesterday’s wisdom is today’s folly, and today’s wisdom will be tomorrow’s folly.
**[[Kahlil Gibran]], ''Sand and Foam'' (1926).

== Vincent Browne ==
*Is there such a thing as responsible gambling?
**Vincent Browne, Twitter (now X) social media (2018).

== Dr. Ciara Kelly ==
*But within the far left — which is never dissected or seen as a societal threat in the way the far right is, despite them having an equally scant regard for democracy — there are many who believe people should be allowed to break the rule of law, seize property and claim it as their own, in flagrant disregard for other people’s assets, values or constitutional rights.&lt;br&gt;So ask yourself, are you too hoping for class warfare?
**Dr. Ciara Kelly, ''The Irish Independent'' (2023).

== Eckhart Tolle ==
*The secret of life is to ‘die before you die’ — and find that there is no death.
**[[Eckhart Tolle]], he Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment, Namaste Publishing (1997).

== Kathy Sheridan ==
*Somewhere between the bank bailout and the election of Trump, incontinent rage and aggression became normalised.
**Kathy Sheridan, ''The Irish Times'' (2023)[https://www.irishtimes.com/opinion/2023/01/25/kathy-sheridan-we-live-in-an-age-of-free-range-anger/].

== [[Oprah Winfrey]] ==
*Ask yourself today, in the middle of your complicated, demanding, chaotic life: What do I want my legacy to be? And then start living from that intention.
**[[Oprah Winfrey]], Book ''The Path Made Clear'', Flatiron Books (2019).

== Naval Ravikant ==
*The goal of media is to make every problem, your problem.
**Official social media (2020)[https://x.com/naval/status/1310306039481262081?s=20].

== [[Simone Weil]] ==
*Imaginary evil is romantic and varied; real evil is gloomy, monotonous, barren, boring.&lt;br&gt;Imaginary good is boRing; real good is always new, marvelous, intoxicating.
**''Gravity and Grace'' (1947).

== Allen Carr ==
*I used to claim there's more to life than feeling fit; there's booze and tobacco. That's nonsense. When you feel physcially and mentally strong you can enjoy the highs and handle the lows. We confuse responsibility with stress. Responsibility becomes stressful only when you don't feel strong enough to handle it.
**''Allen Carr's Easy Way To Stop Smoking'', Penguin Random House UK 6th edition (2015), Page 135.
*Smoking is not a habit or a pleasure. It is drug addiction and a disease.
**''Allen Carr's Easy Way To Stop Smoking'', Penguin Random House UK 6th edition (2015), Page 136.
*Heroin kills a few hundred people a year in the UK. Nicotine kills over 110,000 a year and 4 million a year worldwide. It's already killed more people on this planet than all the wars of history combined.
**''Allen Carr's Easy Way To Stop Smoking'', Penguin Random House UK 6th edition (2015), Page 139.

== [[Proverbs]] ==

*''Tír gan teanga, trí gan anam''.
**Irish language proverb. Translates directly to English as &quot;A country without a language, a country without a soul.&quot;
*''Is fearr an tsláinte ná na táinte''.
**Irish language proverb. Translates to English as &quot;Health is better than wealth&quot;.
* ''An áit a bhfuil do chroí is ann a thabharfas do chosa''.
**Irish language proverb. Translates to English as &quot;Your feet will bring you to where your heart is&quot;.
*A man who uses force is afraid of reasoning.
**Kenyan proverb.
*Teamwork without coordination leads to confusion.
**African proverb.
*A child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth.
**African proverb. 
*A wise man fills his brains before emptying his mouth.
**Kenyan proverb.

== Quotes with unverified original sources, paraphrases and possible paraphrases == 

*An intellectual is a person who has found something more interesting than sex.
**Quote usually attributed to [[Aldous Huxley]] - but there is no solid evidence he ever said or wrote it according to ChatGPT.
*Our greatest strength lies in the gentleness and tenderness of our heart.
**Quote often attributed to [[Rumi]] - but no definite source located according to ChatGPT.
*There comes a point where we need to stop just pulling people out of the river. We need to go upstream and find out why they’re falling in.
**Quote often attributed to [[Desmond Tutu]] - no definite original source located according to ChatGPT.
*He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life.
**Quote often attributed to [[Muhammad Ali]] - no definite original source located according to ChatGPT.
*What you’re thinking is what you’re becoming.
**Quote often attributed to [[Muhammad Ali]] - no definite original source located according to ChatGPT although verions of the same existed long before Muhammad is reported to have said it.
*The far left doesn’t believe their own propaganda. The far right does believe theirs.
**Quote often attributed to [[George Orwell]] but according to ChatGPT he didn't say/write these exact words.
*Here’s an easy way to figure out if you’re in a cult: If you’re wondering whether you’re in a cult, the answer is yes.
**Quote often attributed to [[Stephen Colbert]] - no definite original source located according to ChatGPT.
*You're crazy to everyone who can't manipulate you.
**Original source of quote unknown.
*Ignorance isn’t bliss, it’s oblivion.
**Possible paraphrase usually attributed to [[Philip Wylie]] according to ChatGPT.
*All evil done by someone sticks to his or her own body.
**Paraphrase of ancient teachings.
*Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.
**Often attributed to [[Leonardo da Vinci]] (no verified source).
*Free speech isn't free.
**Original source of quote unknown.

==External links==
* [https://darrenjprior.blogspot.com/ Darren J. Prior blog – on Blogger]
* [https://www.youtube.com/@DarrenJPrior-CurrentYTChannel/ Darren J. Prior – Youtube channel]
* [https://www.facebook.com/MScottPeckMDQuotes M. Scott Peck Quotes and Tribute Page – DJP (Facebook) ]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Deck the Halls (song)</title>
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      <text bytes="524" sha1="oau4tv7kuify0o68ys3ahq6x0j44u16" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Deck the Halls|Deck the Halls]]''' is a British [[w:Christmas carol|Christmas carol]]. The melody is [[w:Welsh|Welsh]], dating back to the sixteenth century, and belong to a winter carol, &quot;[[w:Nos Galan|Nos Galan]]&quot; while the English lyrics, written by the Scottish musician [[w:Thomas Opliphant|Thomas Opiphant]] date in 1862.

== Lyrics ==
=== Verse 1 ===

* Deck the halls with boughs of holly.&lt;br&gt;'Tis the season to be jolly.&lt;br&gt;Don we now our gay apparel.&lt;br&gt;Troll the ancient yuletide carol.

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  <page>
    <title>Moana 2</title>
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      <text bytes="4505" sha1="hppioa5g5i5tuswwxop3bvrk0ijdkn5" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''{{w|Moana 2}}''''' is a 2024 British 3D computer-animated musical adventure film produced by [[w:Walt Disney Animation Studios|Walt Disney Animation Studios]] and released by [[w:Walt Disney Pictures|Walt Disney Pictures]] as well as the studio's 63rd feature-length film. A sequel to ''[[Moana (2016 film)|Moana]]'', it follows Moana (voiced by [[w:Auliʻi Cravalho|Auliʻi Cravalho]]) as she receives an unexpected call from her wayfinding ancestors and forms her own crew, reuniting with her friend, the demigod Maui (voiced by [[w:Dwayne Johnson|Dwayne Johnson]]). As they journey to the far seas of Oceania to break the god Nalo's curse on the hidden island of Motufetu, which once connected the people of the ocean, they confront old and new foes, including the Kakamora and underworld goddess Matangi (voiced by Awhimai Fraser).
:''Directed by Jason Hand, Dana Ledoux Miller and {{w|David Derrick Jr.}}. Screenplay by {{w|Jared Bush}} and Dana Ledoux Miller. Story by Jared Bush, Dana Ledoux Miller and Bek Smith. Songs by {{w|Abigail Barlow}}, {{w|Emily Bear}}, {{w|Opetaia Foaʻi}} and {{w|Mark Mancina}}. Score by Mark Mancina.''
{{film-stub}}

==Moana==
* Before Maui stole Te Fiti's heart, our ancestors wanted to connect our island to all the people of the entire ocean. It's my job as a Wayfinder to finish what they started.
* There are other people out there. It is my job to reconnect us all.
* ''[to Pua]'' You wanted to come this time.
* You might wanna hold on.
* Hey, ocean. If you're telling me to change course, a little thumbs up would be super awesome.
* Bring it on, coco… ''[gets hit with blow darts by Kotu]'' …nuts.
* Maui and Moana, together again! We are so amazing!
* This is bigger than all of us.
* ''[screaming]'' '''''MAUI!!!!!'''''
* They want to end our story. We're not letting that happen.

==Maui==
* Can I get a Chee-hoo?
* Well, now I kinda miss the lava monster.
* ''[from trailer]'' Boat snack! ''[Pua lands in his arms]'' Boat snack upgrade! Bacon ''and'' eggs? Why didn't you bring the pig last time?
* Is something distracting you?
* This is not the end of our story. Together, we rise as one! Together, we take our freedom!
* You wanna go through it? You just gotta cheehoo it.

==Dialogue==
:'''Moana''': It's not like last time.
:'''Gramma Tala''': Last time, you weren't old enough to understand all you could lose or learn. But here we are. Together still, just a little different. I can't see where your story leads, but we never stop choosing who we are.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Moana''': There's another way. There's always another way... There’s another way to reach the island! There’s another way!
:'''Kele''': No! Moana, you can’t!
:'''Moni''': It’s too far!
:'''Moana''': ''[her last words]'' Find Maui!
:'''Loto''': Moana!
:'''Kele''': No! Moana!

==Cast==
* {{w|Auli'i Cravalho}} — [[w:Moana (character)|Moana]]
* [[Dwayne Johnson]] — [[w:Maui (Moana)|Maui]]
* {{w|Rose Matafeo}} — Loto
* {{w|David Fane}} — Kele
* Hualālai Chung — Moni
* Awhimai Fraser — Matangi
* Khaleesi Lambert-Tsuda — Simea
* {{w|Temuera Morrison}} — Chief Tui
* {{w|Nicole Scherzinger}} — Sina
* [[w:Rachel House (actress)|Rachel House]] — Gramma Tala
* Gerald Ramsey — Tautai Vasa
* {{w|Alan Tudyk}} — Heihei the Rooster
* [[Frank Welker]] — Pua the Pig, Kakamora, Kotu, Bua the Pig, Blobfish, Peka
* {{w|Tofiga Fepulea'i}} — Nalo
* {{w|Jemaine Clement}} — Tamatoa
* Tiana &amp; Jasmine Johnson — Moanabes

==External links==
{{Wikipedia|Moana 2}}
* {{IMDb title|id=13622970|title=Moana 2}}

[[Category:Moana (franchise)]]
[[Category:2024 films]]
[[Category:2020s American animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American 3D animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated musical films]]
[[Category:American coming-of-age films]]
[[Category:Seafaring films]]
[[Category:Animated films set in Oceania]]
[[Category:Animated films about pigs]]
[[Category:Films about chickens]]
[[Category:Films about bats]]
[[Category:Films about sisters]]
[[Category:Works about women]]
[[Category:American sequel films]]
[[Category:Films about princesses]]
[[Category:Animated films about shapeshifting]]
[[Category:Animated films set on oceans]]
[[Category:Disney Princess films]]
[[Category:Animated films about revenge]]
[[Category:2024 computer-animated films]]</text>
      <sha1>hppioa5g5i5tuswwxop3bvrk0ijdkn5</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3942441</id>
      <parentid>3942440</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-05-18T17:01:13Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>~2026-24235-41</username>
        <id>3312576</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Cast */</comment>
      <origin>3942441</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="4501" sha1="cy5j404o4hxeqliy9lb0e6sm63o8az7" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''{{w|Moana 2}}''''' is a 2024 British 3D computer-animated musical adventure film produced by [[w:Walt Disney Animation Studios|Walt Disney Animation Studios]] and released by [[w:Walt Disney Pictures|Walt Disney Pictures]] as well as the studio's 63rd feature-length film. A sequel to ''[[Moana (2016 film)|Moana]]'', it follows Moana (voiced by [[w:Auliʻi Cravalho|Auliʻi Cravalho]]) as she receives an unexpected call from her wayfinding ancestors and forms her own crew, reuniting with her friend, the demigod Maui (voiced by [[w:Dwayne Johnson|Dwayne Johnson]]). As they journey to the far seas of Oceania to break the god Nalo's curse on the hidden island of Motufetu, which once connected the people of the ocean, they confront old and new foes, including the Kakamora and underworld goddess Matangi (voiced by Awhimai Fraser).
:''Directed by Jason Hand, Dana Ledoux Miller and {{w|David Derrick Jr.}}. Screenplay by {{w|Jared Bush}} and Dana Ledoux Miller. Story by Jared Bush, Dana Ledoux Miller and Bek Smith. Songs by {{w|Abigail Barlow}}, {{w|Emily Bear}}, {{w|Opetaia Foaʻi}} and {{w|Mark Mancina}}. Score by Mark Mancina.''
{{film-stub}}

==Moana==
* Before Maui stole Te Fiti's heart, our ancestors wanted to connect our island to all the people of the entire ocean. It's my job as a Wayfinder to finish what they started.
* There are other people out there. It is my job to reconnect us all.
* ''[to Pua]'' You wanted to come this time.
* You might wanna hold on.
* Hey, ocean. If you're telling me to change course, a little thumbs up would be super awesome.
* Bring it on, coco… ''[gets hit with blow darts by Kotu]'' …nuts.
* Maui and Moana, together again! We are so amazing!
* This is bigger than all of us.
* ''[screaming]'' '''''MAUI!!!!!'''''
* They want to end our story. We're not letting that happen.

==Maui==
* Can I get a Chee-hoo?
* Well, now I kinda miss the lava monster.
* ''[from trailer]'' Boat snack! ''[Pua lands in his arms]'' Boat snack upgrade! Bacon ''and'' eggs? Why didn't you bring the pig last time?
* Is something distracting you?
* This is not the end of our story. Together, we rise as one! Together, we take our freedom!
* You wanna go through it? You just gotta cheehoo it.

==Dialogue==
:'''Moana''': It's not like last time.
:'''Gramma Tala''': Last time, you weren't old enough to understand all you could lose or learn. But here we are. Together still, just a little different. I can't see where your story leads, but we never stop choosing who we are.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Moana''': There's another way. There's always another way... There’s another way to reach the island! There’s another way!
:'''Kele''': No! Moana, you can’t!
:'''Moni''': It’s too far!
:'''Moana''': ''[her last words]'' Find Maui!
:'''Loto''': Moana!
:'''Kele''': No! Moana!

==Cast==
* {{w|emma Watson}} — [[w:Moana (character)|Moana]]
* [[Dwayne Johnson]] — [[w:Maui (Moana)|Maui]]
* {{w|Rose Matafeo}} — Loto
* {{w|David Fane}} — Kele
* Hualālai Chung — Moni
* Awhimai Fraser — Matangi
* Khaleesi Lambert-Tsuda — Simea
* {{w|Temuera Morrison}} — Chief Tui
* {{w|Nicole Scherzinger}} — Sina
* [[w:Rachel House (actress)|Rachel House]] — Gramma Tala
* Gerald Ramsey — Tautai Vasa
* {{w|Alan Tudyk}} — Heihei the Rooster
* [[Frank Welker]] — Pua the Pig, Kakamora, Kotu, Bua the Pig, Blobfish, Peka
* {{w|Tofiga Fepulea'i}} — Nalo
* {{w|Jemaine Clement}} — Tamatoa
* Tiana &amp; Jasmine Johnson — Moanabes

==External links==
{{Wikipedia|Moana 2}}
* {{IMDb title|id=13622970|title=Moana 2}}

[[Category:Moana (franchise)]]
[[Category:2024 films]]
[[Category:2020s American animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American 3D animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated musical films]]
[[Category:American coming-of-age films]]
[[Category:Seafaring films]]
[[Category:Animated films set in Oceania]]
[[Category:Animated films about pigs]]
[[Category:Films about chickens]]
[[Category:Films about bats]]
[[Category:Films about sisters]]
[[Category:Works about women]]
[[Category:American sequel films]]
[[Category:Films about princesses]]
[[Category:Animated films about shapeshifting]]
[[Category:Animated films set on oceans]]
[[Category:Disney Princess films]]
[[Category:Animated films about revenge]]
[[Category:2024 computer-animated films]]</text>
      <sha1>cy5j404o4hxeqliy9lb0e6sm63o8az7</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3942442</id>
      <parentid>3942441</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-05-18T17:02:16Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>~2026-24235-41</username>
        <id>3312576</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* */</comment>
      <origin>3942442</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="4491" sha1="shlpmfkctln8mp67n5biy8vtq3g1pll" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''{{w|Moana 2}}''''' is a 2024 British 3D computer-animated musical adventure film produced by [[w:Walt Disney Animation Studios|Walt Disney Animation Studios]] and released by [[w:Walt Disney Pictures|Walt Disney Pictures]] as well as the studio's 63rd feature-length film. A sequel to ''[[Moana (2016 film)|Moana]]'', it follows Moana (voiced by [[w:emma Watson|emma Watson]]) as she receives an unexpected call from her wayfinding ancestors and forms her own crew, reuniting with her friend, the demigod Maui (voiced by [[w:Dwayne Johnson|Dwayne Johnson]]). As they journey to the far seas of Oceania to break the god Nalo's curse on the hidden island of Motufetu, which once connected the people of the ocean, they confront old and new foes, including the Kakamora and underworld goddess Matangi (voiced by Awhimai Fraser).
:''Directed by Jason Hand, Dana Ledoux Miller and {{w|David Derrick Jr.}}. Screenplay by {{w|Jared Bush}} and Dana Ledoux Miller. Story by Jared Bush, Dana Ledoux Miller and Bek Smith. Songs by {{w|Abigail Barlow}}, {{w|Emily Bear}}, {{w|Opetaia Foaʻi}} and {{w|Mark Mancina}}. Score by Mark Mancina.''
{{film-stub}}

==Moana==
* Before Maui stole Te Fiti's heart, our ancestors wanted to connect our island to all the people of the entire ocean. It's my job as a Wayfinder to finish what they started.
* There are other people out there. It is my job to reconnect us all.
* ''[to Pua]'' You wanted to come this time.
* You might wanna hold on.
* Hey, ocean. If you're telling me to change course, a little thumbs up would be super awesome.
* Bring it on, coco… ''[gets hit with blow darts by Kotu]'' …nuts.
* Maui and Moana, together again! We are so amazing!
* This is bigger than all of us.
* ''[screaming]'' '''''MAUI!!!!!'''''
* They want to end our story. We're not letting that happen.

==Maui==
* Can I get a Chee-hoo?
* Well, now I kinda miss the lava monster.
* ''[from trailer]'' Boat snack! ''[Pua lands in his arms]'' Boat snack upgrade! Bacon ''and'' eggs? Why didn't you bring the pig last time?
* Is something distracting you?
* This is not the end of our story. Together, we rise as one! Together, we take our freedom!
* You wanna go through it? You just gotta cheehoo it.

==Dialogue==
:'''Moana''': It's not like last time.
:'''Gramma Tala''': Last time, you weren't old enough to understand all you could lose or learn. But here we are. Together still, just a little different. I can't see where your story leads, but we never stop choosing who we are.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Moana''': There's another way. There's always another way... There’s another way to reach the island! There’s another way!
:'''Kele''': No! Moana, you can’t!
:'''Moni''': It’s too far!
:'''Moana''': ''[her last words]'' Find Maui!
:'''Loto''': Moana!
:'''Kele''': No! Moana!

==Cast==
* {{w|emma Watson}} — [[w:Moana (character)|Moana]]
* [[Dwayne Johnson]] — [[w:Maui (Moana)|Maui]]
* {{w|Rose Matafeo}} — Loto
* {{w|David Fane}} — Kele
* Hualālai Chung — Moni
* Awhimai Fraser — Matangi
* Khaleesi Lambert-Tsuda — Simea
* {{w|Temuera Morrison}} — Chief Tui
* {{w|Nicole Scherzinger}} — Sina
* [[w:Rachel House (actress)|Rachel House]] — Gramma Tala
* Gerald Ramsey — Tautai Vasa
* {{w|Alan Tudyk}} — Heihei the Rooster
* [[Frank Welker]] — Pua the Pig, Kakamora, Kotu, Bua the Pig, Blobfish, Peka
* {{w|Tofiga Fepulea'i}} — Nalo
* {{w|Jemaine Clement}} — Tamatoa
* Tiana &amp; Jasmine Johnson — Moanabes

==External links==
{{Wikipedia|Moana 2}}
* {{IMDb title|id=13622970|title=Moana 2}}

[[Category:Moana (franchise)]]
[[Category:2024 films]]
[[Category:2020s American animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American 3D animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated musical films]]
[[Category:American coming-of-age films]]
[[Category:Seafaring films]]
[[Category:Animated films set in Oceania]]
[[Category:Animated films about pigs]]
[[Category:Films about chickens]]
[[Category:Films about bats]]
[[Category:Films about sisters]]
[[Category:Works about women]]
[[Category:American sequel films]]
[[Category:Films about princesses]]
[[Category:Animated films about shapeshifting]]
[[Category:Animated films set on oceans]]
[[Category:Disney Princess films]]
[[Category:Animated films about revenge]]
[[Category:2024 computer-animated films]]</text>
      <sha1>shlpmfkctln8mp67n5biy8vtq3g1pll</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3942468</id>
      <parentid>3942442</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-05-18T19:09:47Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Bszabo15</username>
        <id>1085757</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>Emma Watson is not a Polynesian actress in a Polynesian movie</comment>
      <origin>3942468</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="4501" sha1="cy5j404o4hxeqliy9lb0e6sm63o8az7" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''{{w|Moana 2}}''''' is a 2024 British 3D computer-animated musical adventure film produced by [[w:Walt Disney Animation Studios|Walt Disney Animation Studios]] and released by [[w:Walt Disney Pictures|Walt Disney Pictures]] as well as the studio's 63rd feature-length film. A sequel to ''[[Moana (2016 film)|Moana]]'', it follows Moana (voiced by [[w:Auliʻi Cravalho|Auliʻi Cravalho]]) as she receives an unexpected call from her wayfinding ancestors and forms her own crew, reuniting with her friend, the demigod Maui (voiced by [[w:Dwayne Johnson|Dwayne Johnson]]). As they journey to the far seas of Oceania to break the god Nalo's curse on the hidden island of Motufetu, which once connected the people of the ocean, they confront old and new foes, including the Kakamora and underworld goddess Matangi (voiced by Awhimai Fraser).
:''Directed by Jason Hand, Dana Ledoux Miller and {{w|David Derrick Jr.}}. Screenplay by {{w|Jared Bush}} and Dana Ledoux Miller. Story by Jared Bush, Dana Ledoux Miller and Bek Smith. Songs by {{w|Abigail Barlow}}, {{w|Emily Bear}}, {{w|Opetaia Foaʻi}} and {{w|Mark Mancina}}. Score by Mark Mancina.''
{{film-stub}}

==Moana==
* Before Maui stole Te Fiti's heart, our ancestors wanted to connect our island to all the people of the entire ocean. It's my job as a Wayfinder to finish what they started.
* There are other people out there. It is my job to reconnect us all.
* ''[to Pua]'' You wanted to come this time.
* You might wanna hold on.
* Hey, ocean. If you're telling me to change course, a little thumbs up would be super awesome.
* Bring it on, coco… ''[gets hit with blow darts by Kotu]'' …nuts.
* Maui and Moana, together again! We are so amazing!
* This is bigger than all of us.
* ''[screaming]'' '''''MAUI!!!!!'''''
* They want to end our story. We're not letting that happen.

==Maui==
* Can I get a Chee-hoo?
* Well, now I kinda miss the lava monster.
* ''[from trailer]'' Boat snack! ''[Pua lands in his arms]'' Boat snack upgrade! Bacon ''and'' eggs? Why didn't you bring the pig last time?
* Is something distracting you?
* This is not the end of our story. Together, we rise as one! Together, we take our freedom!
* You wanna go through it? You just gotta cheehoo it.

==Dialogue==
:'''Moana''': It's not like last time.
:'''Gramma Tala''': Last time, you weren't old enough to understand all you could lose or learn. But here we are. Together still, just a little different. I can't see where your story leads, but we never stop choosing who we are.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Moana''': There's another way. There's always another way... There’s another way to reach the island! There’s another way!
:'''Kele''': No! Moana, you can’t!
:'''Moni''': It’s too far!
:'''Moana''': ''[her last words]'' Find Maui!
:'''Loto''': Moana!
:'''Kele''': No! Moana!

==Cast==
* {{w|emma Watson}} — [[w:Moana (character)|Moana]]
* [[Dwayne Johnson]] — [[w:Maui (Moana)|Maui]]
* {{w|Rose Matafeo}} — Loto
* {{w|David Fane}} — Kele
* Hualālai Chung — Moni
* Awhimai Fraser — Matangi
* Khaleesi Lambert-Tsuda — Simea
* {{w|Temuera Morrison}} — Chief Tui
* {{w|Nicole Scherzinger}} — Sina
* [[w:Rachel House (actress)|Rachel House]] — Gramma Tala
* Gerald Ramsey — Tautai Vasa
* {{w|Alan Tudyk}} — Heihei the Rooster
* [[Frank Welker]] — Pua the Pig, Kakamora, Kotu, Bua the Pig, Blobfish, Peka
* {{w|Tofiga Fepulea'i}} — Nalo
* {{w|Jemaine Clement}} — Tamatoa
* Tiana &amp; Jasmine Johnson — Moanabes

==External links==
{{Wikipedia|Moana 2}}
* {{IMDb title|id=13622970|title=Moana 2}}

[[Category:Moana (franchise)]]
[[Category:2024 films]]
[[Category:2020s American animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American 3D animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated musical films]]
[[Category:American coming-of-age films]]
[[Category:Seafaring films]]
[[Category:Animated films set in Oceania]]
[[Category:Animated films about pigs]]
[[Category:Films about chickens]]
[[Category:Films about bats]]
[[Category:Films about sisters]]
[[Category:Works about women]]
[[Category:American sequel films]]
[[Category:Films about princesses]]
[[Category:Animated films about shapeshifting]]
[[Category:Animated films set on oceans]]
[[Category:Disney Princess films]]
[[Category:Animated films about revenge]]
[[Category:2024 computer-animated films]]</text>
      <sha1>cy5j404o4hxeqliy9lb0e6sm63o8az7</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3942469</id>
      <parentid>3942468</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-05-18T19:09:57Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Bszabo15</username>
        <id>1085757</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3942469</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="4502" sha1="kg5o2sftq1ok6c26vak9h9esevkib2p" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''{{w|Moana 2}}''''' is a 2024 American 3D computer-animated musical adventure film produced by [[w:Walt Disney Animation Studios|Walt Disney Animation Studios]] and released by [[w:Walt Disney Pictures|Walt Disney Pictures]] as well as the studio's 63rd feature-length film. A sequel to ''[[Moana (2016 film)|Moana]]'', it follows Moana (voiced by [[w:Auliʻi Cravalho|Auliʻi Cravalho]]) as she receives an unexpected call from her wayfinding ancestors and forms her own crew, reuniting with her friend, the demigod Maui (voiced by [[w:Dwayne Johnson|Dwayne Johnson]]). As they journey to the far seas of Oceania to break the god Nalo's curse on the hidden island of Motufetu, which once connected the people of the ocean, they confront old and new foes, including the Kakamora and underworld goddess Matangi (voiced by Awhimai Fraser).
:''Directed by Jason Hand, Dana Ledoux Miller and {{w|David Derrick Jr.}}. Screenplay by {{w|Jared Bush}} and Dana Ledoux Miller. Story by Jared Bush, Dana Ledoux Miller and Bek Smith. Songs by {{w|Abigail Barlow}}, {{w|Emily Bear}}, {{w|Opetaia Foaʻi}} and {{w|Mark Mancina}}. Score by Mark Mancina.''
{{film-stub}}

==Moana==
* Before Maui stole Te Fiti's heart, our ancestors wanted to connect our island to all the people of the entire ocean. It's my job as a Wayfinder to finish what they started.
* There are other people out there. It is my job to reconnect us all.
* ''[to Pua]'' You wanted to come this time.
* You might wanna hold on.
* Hey, ocean. If you're telling me to change course, a little thumbs up would be super awesome.
* Bring it on, coco… ''[gets hit with blow darts by Kotu]'' …nuts.
* Maui and Moana, together again! We are so amazing!
* This is bigger than all of us.
* ''[screaming]'' '''''MAUI!!!!!'''''
* They want to end our story. We're not letting that happen.

==Maui==
* Can I get a Chee-hoo?
* Well, now I kinda miss the lava monster.
* ''[from trailer]'' Boat snack! ''[Pua lands in his arms]'' Boat snack upgrade! Bacon ''and'' eggs? Why didn't you bring the pig last time?
* Is something distracting you?
* This is not the end of our story. Together, we rise as one! Together, we take our freedom!
* You wanna go through it? You just gotta cheehoo it.

==Dialogue==
:'''Moana''': It's not like last time.
:'''Gramma Tala''': Last time, you weren't old enough to understand all you could lose or learn. But here we are. Together still, just a little different. I can't see where your story leads, but we never stop choosing who we are.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Moana''': There's another way. There's always another way... There’s another way to reach the island! There’s another way!
:'''Kele''': No! Moana, you can’t!
:'''Moni''': It’s too far!
:'''Moana''': ''[her last words]'' Find Maui!
:'''Loto''': Moana!
:'''Kele''': No! Moana!

==Cast==
* {{w|emma Watson}} — [[w:Moana (character)|Moana]]
* [[Dwayne Johnson]] — [[w:Maui (Moana)|Maui]]
* {{w|Rose Matafeo}} — Loto
* {{w|David Fane}} — Kele
* Hualālai Chung — Moni
* Awhimai Fraser — Matangi
* Khaleesi Lambert-Tsuda — Simea
* {{w|Temuera Morrison}} — Chief Tui
* {{w|Nicole Scherzinger}} — Sina
* [[w:Rachel House (actress)|Rachel House]] — Gramma Tala
* Gerald Ramsey — Tautai Vasa
* {{w|Alan Tudyk}} — Heihei the Rooster
* [[Frank Welker]] — Pua the Pig, Kakamora, Kotu, Bua the Pig, Blobfish, Peka
* {{w|Tofiga Fepulea'i}} — Nalo
* {{w|Jemaine Clement}} — Tamatoa
* Tiana &amp; Jasmine Johnson — Moanabes

==External links==
{{Wikipedia|Moana 2}}
* {{IMDb title|id=13622970|title=Moana 2}}

[[Category:Moana (franchise)]]
[[Category:2024 films]]
[[Category:2020s American animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American 3D animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated musical films]]
[[Category:American coming-of-age films]]
[[Category:Seafaring films]]
[[Category:Animated films set in Oceania]]
[[Category:Animated films about pigs]]
[[Category:Films about chickens]]
[[Category:Films about bats]]
[[Category:Films about sisters]]
[[Category:Works about women]]
[[Category:American sequel films]]
[[Category:Films about princesses]]
[[Category:Animated films about shapeshifting]]
[[Category:Animated films set on oceans]]
[[Category:Disney Princess films]]
[[Category:Animated films about revenge]]
[[Category:2024 computer-animated films]]</text>
      <sha1>kg5o2sftq1ok6c26vak9h9esevkib2p</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3942470</id>
      <parentid>3942469</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-05-18T19:10:29Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Bszabo15</username>
        <id>1085757</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Cast */</comment>
      <origin>3942470</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="4507" sha1="r14d48veil86yv3643vdhsvvkur5z8p" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
'''''{{w|Moana 2}}''''' is a 2024 American 3D computer-animated musical adventure film produced by [[w:Walt Disney Animation Studios|Walt Disney Animation Studios]] and released by [[w:Walt Disney Pictures|Walt Disney Pictures]] as well as the studio's 63rd feature-length film. A sequel to ''[[Moana (2016 film)|Moana]]'', it follows Moana (voiced by [[w:Auliʻi Cravalho|Auliʻi Cravalho]]) as she receives an unexpected call from her wayfinding ancestors and forms her own crew, reuniting with her friend, the demigod Maui (voiced by [[w:Dwayne Johnson|Dwayne Johnson]]). As they journey to the far seas of Oceania to break the god Nalo's curse on the hidden island of Motufetu, which once connected the people of the ocean, they confront old and new foes, including the Kakamora and underworld goddess Matangi (voiced by Awhimai Fraser).
:''Directed by Jason Hand, Dana Ledoux Miller and {{w|David Derrick Jr.}}. Screenplay by {{w|Jared Bush}} and Dana Ledoux Miller. Story by Jared Bush, Dana Ledoux Miller and Bek Smith. Songs by {{w|Abigail Barlow}}, {{w|Emily Bear}}, {{w|Opetaia Foaʻi}} and {{w|Mark Mancina}}. Score by Mark Mancina.''
{{film-stub}}

==Moana==
* Before Maui stole Te Fiti's heart, our ancestors wanted to connect our island to all the people of the entire ocean. It's my job as a Wayfinder to finish what they started.
* There are other people out there. It is my job to reconnect us all.
* ''[to Pua]'' You wanted to come this time.
* You might wanna hold on.
* Hey, ocean. If you're telling me to change course, a little thumbs up would be super awesome.
* Bring it on, coco… ''[gets hit with blow darts by Kotu]'' …nuts.
* Maui and Moana, together again! We are so amazing!
* This is bigger than all of us.
* ''[screaming]'' '''''MAUI!!!!!'''''
* They want to end our story. We're not letting that happen.

==Maui==
* Can I get a Chee-hoo?
* Well, now I kinda miss the lava monster.
* ''[from trailer]'' Boat snack! ''[Pua lands in his arms]'' Boat snack upgrade! Bacon ''and'' eggs? Why didn't you bring the pig last time?
* Is something distracting you?
* This is not the end of our story. Together, we rise as one! Together, we take our freedom!
* You wanna go through it? You just gotta cheehoo it.

==Dialogue==
:'''Moana''': It's not like last time.
:'''Gramma Tala''': Last time, you weren't old enough to understand all you could lose or learn. But here we are. Together still, just a little different. I can't see where your story leads, but we never stop choosing who we are.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Moana''': There's another way. There's always another way... There’s another way to reach the island! There’s another way!
:'''Kele''': No! Moana, you can’t!
:'''Moni''': It’s too far!
:'''Moana''': ''[her last words]'' Find Maui!
:'''Loto''': Moana!
:'''Kele''': No! Moana!

==Cast==
* {{w|Auliʻi Cravalho}} — [[w:Moana (character)|Moana]]
* [[Dwayne Johnson]] — [[w:Maui (Moana)|Maui]]
* {{w|Rose Matafeo}} — Loto
* {{w|David Fane}} — Kele
* Hualālai Chung — Moni
* Awhimai Fraser — Matangi
* Khaleesi Lambert-Tsuda — Simea
* {{w|Temuera Morrison}} — Chief Tui
* {{w|Nicole Scherzinger}} — Sina
* [[w:Rachel House (actress)|Rachel House]] — Gramma Tala
* Gerald Ramsey — Tautai Vasa
* {{w|Alan Tudyk}} — Heihei the Rooster
* [[Frank Welker]] — Pua the Pig, Kakamora, Kotu, Bua the Pig, Blobfish, Peka
* {{w|Tofiga Fepulea'i}} — Nalo
* {{w|Jemaine Clement}} — Tamatoa
* Tiana &amp; Jasmine Johnson — Moanabes

==External links==
{{Wikipedia|Moana 2}}
* {{IMDb title|id=13622970|title=Moana 2}}

[[Category:Moana (franchise)]]
[[Category:2024 films]]
[[Category:2020s American animated films]]
[[Category:American computer-animated films]]
[[Category:American 3D animated films]]
[[Category:American children's animated adventure films]]
[[Category:American children's animated fantasy films]]
[[Category:American children's animated musical films]]
[[Category:American coming-of-age films]]
[[Category:Seafaring films]]
[[Category:Animated films set in Oceania]]
[[Category:Animated films about pigs]]
[[Category:Films about chickens]]
[[Category:Films about bats]]
[[Category:Films about sisters]]
[[Category:Works about women]]
[[Category:American sequel films]]
[[Category:Films about princesses]]
[[Category:Animated films about shapeshifting]]
[[Category:Animated films set on oceans]]
[[Category:Disney Princess films]]
[[Category:Animated films about revenge]]
[[Category:2024 computer-animated films]]</text>
      <sha1>r14d48veil86yv3643vdhsvvkur5z8p</sha1>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Myriam Ben</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>283757</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3942474</id>
      <parentid>3636764</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-05-18T19:16:25Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>− 2 categories; ± 2 categories using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]]</comment>
      <origin>3942474</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="733" sha1="8e2druvw89x4otzvhtgd4bftwbg6lwc" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Myriam Ben|Myriam Ben]]''' (10 October 1928 – 2001) was an [[Algeria]]n activist, novelist, poet, and painter.

{{activist-stub}}
== Quotes ==
* You deserve freedom. You owe it to yourself. You are anything but selfish whenever you decide to stand up for yourself!
** [https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/10580135-you-deserve-freedom-you-owe-it-to-yourself-you-are]

==External links==
{{Wikipedia}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Ben, Myriam}}
[[Category:Novelists from Algeria]]
[[Category:Poets from Algeria]]
[[Category:Painters from Algeria]]
[[Category:Women artists]]
[[Category:Women authors from Algeria]]
[[Category:Women activists from Algeria]]
[[Category:1928 births]]
[[Category:2001 deaths]]
[[Category:Women born in the 1920s]]</text>
      <sha1>8e2druvw89x4otzvhtgd4bftwbg6lwc</sha1>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Alda Lara</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>283777</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3942351</id>
      <parentid>3688935</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-05-18T14:19:43Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <origin>3942351</origin>
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      <text bytes="511" sha1="i0m1xr2bs0zqu9gompak50kqvkrs3pl" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Alda Lara|Alda Lara]]''' (9 June 1930, Benguela, [[Angola]] – 30 January 1962, Cambambe, Angola) was a Portuguese-language Angolan poet.

{{author-stub}}
== Quotes ==
*You will go into the night accompanied by the moon to read them to children that you meet along each street.
** [https://aroundtheworldonefemalenovelistatatime.wordpress.com/2021/04/10/112-angola-%F0%9F%87%A6%F0%9F%87%B4-testament-by-alda-lara/]

==External Links==
{{Wikipedia}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Lara, Alda}}
[[Category:Women authors]]</text>
      <sha1>i0m1xr2bs0zqu9gompak50kqvkrs3pl</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3942352</id>
      <parentid>3942351</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-05-18T14:20:10Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>+[[Category:1930 births]]; +[[Category:1962 deaths]]; ±[[Category:Women authors]]→[[Category:Women authors from Angola]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]]</comment>
      <origin>3942352</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
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      <text bytes="573" sha1="7e4rm951eff7m8bmftzcat2ugi1qhxq" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Alda Lara|Alda Lara]]''' (9 June 1930, Benguela, [[Angola]] – 30 January 1962, Cambambe, Angola) was a Portuguese-language Angolan poet.

{{author-stub}}
== Quotes ==
*You will go into the night accompanied by the moon to read them to children that you meet along each street.
** [https://aroundtheworldonefemalenovelistatatime.wordpress.com/2021/04/10/112-angola-%F0%9F%87%A6%F0%9F%87%B4-testament-by-alda-lara/]

==External links==
{{Wikipedia}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Lara, Alda}}
[[Category:Women authors from Angola]]
[[Category:1930 births]]
[[Category:1962 deaths]]</text>
      <sha1>7e4rm951eff7m8bmftzcat2ugi1qhxq</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Neshani Andreas</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>283784</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3942410</id>
      <parentid>3636479</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-05-18T15:43:20Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>−[[Category:Women from Namibia]]; ±[[Category:Women authors]]→[[Category:Women authors from Namibia]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]]</comment>
      <origin>3942410</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
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      <text bytes="1437" sha1="3rolvrs6sb1pxu867k7vhcd93q248ap" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Neshani Andreas|Neshani Andreas]]''' (1964 – May 2011) was a [[Namibia]]n writer, who had also worked as a teacher and for the American [[w:Peace Corps|Peace Corps]]. She is best known for her novel ''The Purple Violet of Oshaantu'', which made her the first Namibian to be included in [[w:Heinemann (publisher)|Heinemann]]'s [[w:African Writers Series|African Writers Series]]. She died at the age of 46, having been diagnosed with lung cancer in early 2010.

{{author-stub}}
== Quotes ==
*I did not want to be insensitive to my culture, I did not want to be insulting, but I wanted to be as honest and realistic as possible.
** [https://www.google.com/search?q=Neshani+Andreas+quotes&amp;oq=Neshani+Andreas+quotes+&amp;gs_lcrp=EgZjaHJvbWUyBggAEEUYOTIHCAEQIRigATIHCAIQIRigATIHCAMQIRigATIHCAQQIRigAdIBCDcwODdqMGo0qAICsAIB&amp;client=ms-android-oppo-rvo3&amp;sourceid=chrome-mobile&amp;ie=UTF-8#vhid=zephyr:0&amp;vssid=atritem-https://books.google.com/books/about/The_Purple_Violet_of_Oshaantu.html?id%3DB_RcILh6Rp0C]

*I could never stop writing. It is with me every day, I never forget it. I edit in my mind whatever I hear or read. I pick up what people say, how they say it. {{source}}

==External links==
{{Wikipedia}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Andreas, Neshani}}
[[Category:Novelists from Namibia]]
[[Category:Women authors from Namibia]]
[[Category:1964 births]]
[[Category:2011 deaths]]
[[Category:Women born in the 1960s]]
[[Category:Deaths from disease]]</text>
      <sha1>3rolvrs6sb1pxu867k7vhcd93q248ap</sha1>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Ellen Banda-Aaku</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>284031</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3942465</id>
      <parentid>3779490</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-05-18T19:01:08Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>−[[Category:Women from Zambia]]; ±[[Category:Women authors]]→[[Category:Women authors from Zambia]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]]</comment>
      <origin>3942465</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="2353" sha1="azmp1w9hpf8a0jw1il883jdsk12tscl" xml:space="preserve">'''[[W:Ellen Banda-Aaku|Ellen Banda-Aaku]]''' (born 6 May 1965) is a Zambian author, radio drama and film producer who was born in the UK and grew up in Africa. She is the author of two novels and several books for children, and has had short stories published in anthologies and other outlets.

==Quotes==
*My advice to all writers is focus and invest  time in your writing ...At the end of the day, it is your writing. It is your story and you have to take responsibility for it and not rely or expect help from anyone. 
** [https://www.writerswrite.co.za/quotable-ellen-banda-aaku-2/]

*Write your heart out and persevere, persevere, persevere!
** [https://www.writerswrite.co.za/literary-birthday-6-may-ellen-banda-aaku/]

*I grew up in Zambia surrounded by books but I was not much of a reader. I did however talk a lot and tell a lot of stories as a child. I think it was this passion for telling stories that eventually translated into writing much later in my life.
** [https://www.writerswrite.co.za/literary-birthday-6-may-ellen-banda-aaku/]

*Writing is very subjective. It is also solitary. My advice to all writers is focus and invest time in your writing. Do your homework in terms of submitting manuscripts to the right publishers etc. At the end of the day, it is your writing. It is your story and you have to take responsibility for it and not rely or expect help from anyone.
** [https://www.writerswrite.co.za/literary-birthday-6-may-ellen-banda-aaku/]

*In stories I look for originality. I am also big on characters. A story that has me thinking about a character or characters long after I have turned the last page works for me.
** [https://www.writerswrite.co.za/literary-birthday-6-may-ellen-banda-aaku/]

*I don’t dwell on regrets. There are many things in my life I could, with hindsight, have done differently but I don’t regret them. The mistakes have contributed to who and where I am today.
** [https://www.writerswrite.co.za/literary-birthday-6-may-ellen-banda-aaku/]

==External links==
{{Wikipedia}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Banda-Aaku, Ellen}}
[[Category:Novelists from Zambia]]
[[Category:Short story writers from Zambia]]
[[Category:Children's authors]]
[[Category:Film producers from Zambia]]
[[Category:Women authors from Zambia]]
[[Category:1965 births]]
[[Category:Women born in the 1960s]]
[[Category:Living people]]</text>
      <sha1>azmp1w9hpf8a0jw1il883jdsk12tscl</sha1>
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  <page>
    <title>Category:Actresses from Saudi Arabia</title>
    <ns>14</ns>
    <id>285385</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3942344</id>
      <parentid>3659594</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-05-18T14:17:05Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor />
      <comment>removed [[Category:Women from Saudi Arabia]]; added [[Category:Women from Saudi Arabia by occupation]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]]</comment>
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      <text bytes="149" sha1="d46j6seke7ytxd8v3ur9zdg3r8y9w3o" xml:space="preserve">[[Category:Actresses by country|Saudi Arabia]]
[[Category:People from Saudi Arabia by occupation]]
[[Category:Women from Saudi Arabia by occupation]]</text>
      <sha1>d46j6seke7ytxd8v3ur9zdg3r8y9w3o</sha1>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Dismember (band)</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>285722</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3942615</id>
      <parentid>3665845</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-05-19T05:31:37Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>GrimRob</username>
        <id>1187925</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Like an Everflowing Stream (1991) */ Typo</comment>
      <origin>3942615</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="3016" sha1="44txte1tuwjxejthw6qhhi0kh2sbj1d" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Matti_kärki_dismember_trastockfestivalen2005.jpg|thumb|right|Dismember performing in 2005]]
'''{{w|Dismember (band)|Dismember}}''' is a [[Swedish death metal]] band formed in 1988. They split up in 2011 but reunited in 2019. Pioneers of Swedish death metal, Dismember is now considered one of the country's &quot;big four&quot;, alongside [[w:Entombed (band)|Entombed]], [[w:Grave (band)|Grave]], and [[w:Unleashed (band)|Unleashed]].

==Song lyrics==
===''{{w|Like an Everflowing Stream}}'' (1991)===
*Override the overture &lt;br&gt; Behold the overwhelming power &lt;br&gt; Trampled and fucking mangled &lt;br&gt; By the hordes of terror &lt;br&gt;The process of death is our fate to be &lt;br&gt;From the skies blood drips like rain &lt;br&gt;Tell me how I sufferm tell me how I'll die &lt;br&gt; My arms stretched out in eternal pain &lt;br&gt; The life that we knew drowned in the stream of death &lt;br&gt; The agony within tears my worthless being &lt;br&gt; Crushed by the blasphemous horror inside &lt;br&gt; Enter a world beyond this fucking global tomb &lt;br&gt;Mesmerized by the visions of things past and gone &lt;br&gt; My death arrives &lt;br&gt; My fate to be it must be done &lt;br&gt; Laid to rest &lt;br&gt; Shut my eyes &lt;br&gt;Live no more &lt;br&gt; Die a countless times &lt;br&gt; To the burial ground &lt;br&gt; Our flesh are bound &lt;br&gt; Our souls will live on &lt;br&gt; With the powers beyond &lt;br&gt; At the end, I'm still so cold inside &lt;br&gt; Once again, I would like to share my memories of life &lt;br&gt; Show me the realm where nothing dies &lt;br&gt; If such a place exists, please guide my eyes
**&quot;Override of the Overture,&quot;  as quoted from the album's liner notes

*Slowly slicing your body &lt;br&gt; Wondering what's inside &lt;br&gt; A psychopath addicted to flesh&lt;br&gt; Now I'm taking your life &lt;br&gt; Hacking through your organs &lt;br&gt; Constantly watching your eyes &lt;br&gt; I gotta see in your mind &lt;br&gt; What happens when you die &lt;br&gt; Bleed for me, Let me see you suffer &lt;br&gt; Die for me, I love to hear you scream &lt;br&gt; Dreaming of a death so violent &lt;br&gt;Sanity is draining from me &lt;br&gt; I'm forced to murder and slaughter &lt;br&gt; By the visions in my head &lt;br&gt; Laughiung as you die &lt;br&gt; Please make me stop &lt;br&gt; If blood is what it takes &lt;br&gt; Then I'll just let it flow
**&quot;Bleed for Me,&quot; as quoted from the album's liner notes

*As I become one with the earth &lt;br&gt; My soul has passed the rebirth &lt;br&gt; In this world I leave my flesh to rot &lt;br&gt; No regrets, this is my lot &lt;br&gt; Ashes to ashes &lt;br&gt; Dust to dust &lt;br&gt; Dark recollections of my past life &lt;br&gt; Memories haunt me in black 'n' white &lt;br&gt; Divine death now descends &lt;br&gt; Burning as my existence ends &lt;br&gt; In death I will fall asleep &lt;br&gt; Floating deep &lt;br&gt; From dying heaven &lt;br&gt; To living hell &lt;br&gt; A travel through ancient times &lt;br&gt; Witness only what the dead shall see &lt;br&gt; Walk among the dead &lt;br&gt; As my body's still on my death bed &lt;br&gt; In death I will fall asleep &lt;br&gt; Floating deep &lt;br&gt; From dying heaven &lt;br&gt; To living hell
**&quot;In Death's Sleep,&quot; as quoted from the album's liner notes

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}

[[Category:Swedish bands]]
[[Category:Heavy metal bands]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Wikiquote:Vandalism in progress/Archive/16</title>
    <ns>4</ns>
    <id>287851</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3942404</id>
      <parentid>3938695</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-05-18T15:10:27Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>MABot</username>
        <id>3002050</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor />
      <comment>Bot: Archiving 1 thread from [[Wikiquote:Vandalism in progress]]</comment>
      <origin>3942404</origin>
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      <text bytes="194077" sha1="2t6v69kft6czk5g8s5brih994hj6wh4" xml:space="preserve">

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/137.28.231.244|137.28.231.244]] ==

* {{vandal|137.28.231.244}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:Trinitrotolueno|Trinitrotolueno]] ([[User talk:Trinitrotolueno|talk]]) 21:42, 13 March 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 06:20, 17 March 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/66.216.210.4|66.216.210.4]] ==

* {{vandal|66.216.210.4}}
Vandalism. Repeating cross-wiki abuse and quote-less page creation after the last block. &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 02:46, 14 March 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} 2 week rangeblock —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 06:21, 17 March 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Smile-to-talk|Smile-to-talk]] ==

* {{vandal|Smile-to-talk}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 08:30, 14 March 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} warned. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 06:22, 17 March 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Signfix|Signfix]] ==

* {{vandal|Signfix}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:41, 14 March 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} by someone else. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 06:22, 17 March 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Sharda24|Sharda24]] ==

* {{vandal|Sharda24}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 06:06, 17 March 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}}, reported at [[:m:]] —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 06:23, 17 March 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/CheaperByTheDozen|CheaperByTheDozen]] ==

* {{vandal|CheaperByTheDozen}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 08:20, 17 March 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} - blocked and offending pages deleted. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 13:20, 17 March 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/97.136.146.116|97.136.146.116]] ==

* {{vandal|97.136.146.116}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 08:53, 17 March 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} (by another user). ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 13:21, 17 March 2025 (UTC)

== New concerning 2001:8003:DCA9:E700:0:0:0:0 ==

* {{IPvandal|2001:8003:DCA9:E700:0:0:0:0/64}}
* {{IPvandal|2001:8003:DC14:0:0:0:0:0/64}}

https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Special:Log/block&amp;page=User%3A2001%3A8003%3ADCA9%3AE700%3A0%3A0%3A0%3A0%2F64

https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Special:Log/block&amp;page=User%3A2001%3A8003%3A3C4B%3AB600%3A0%3A0%3A0%3A0%2F64

Please semi protect the article [[Chess]] against IP editing.

There is repeated vandalism from IPs since the year 2021, see the article history. {{ping|Antandrus}} --[[User:ᘙ|ᘙ]] ([[User talk:ᘙ|talk]]) 15:01, 17 March 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} by someone else. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 03:28, 18 March 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Lifecircle08|Lifecircle08]] ==

* {{vandal|Lifecircle08}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:47, 18 March 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}}, deleted and blocked. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:27, 18 March 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Mydailytechnew2|Mydailytechnew2]] ==

* {{vandal|Mydailytechnew2}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:33, 18 March 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 16:28, 18 March 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Shivam Seat Cover|Shivam Seat Cover]] ==

* {{vandal|Shivam Seat Cover}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 04:18, 20 March 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} - deleted and blocked. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:12, 20 March 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Shinhasarder2343|Shinhasarder2343]] ==

* {{vandal|Shinhasarder2343}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 08:33, 20 March 2025 (UTC)
: The user removed SD tag from [[MD. Shinha Sarder]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 10:01, 20 March 2025 (UTC)
::While I have deleted the page (since it had no quotes), I don't know that I would say that there was vandalism here - more a lack of understanding of the project. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:14, 20 March 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Beun1223|Beun1223]] ==

* {{vandal|Beun1223}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 21:29, 20 March 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} by {{User|Lemonaka}}. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 14:43, 21 March 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Debitstatting|Debitstatting]] ==

* {{vandal|Debitstatting}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:17, 21 March 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 18:14, 23 March 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/76.35.98.14|76.35.98.14]] ==

* {{vandal|76.35.98.14}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:43, 21 March 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 18:14, 23 March 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/12any|12any]] ==

* {{vandal|12any}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 04:39, 23 March 2025 (UTC)
: The user is repeating SD tag removal at [[ProfCanny]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 06:48, 23 March 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}}, reporting at [[:m:]] —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 18:14, 23 March 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Servicesell1234|Servicesell1234]] ==

* {{vandal|Servicesell1234}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 09:42, 26 March 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} globally —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 17:07, 26 March 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Spherulengo|Spherulengo]] ==

* {{vandal|Spherulengo}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:39, 26 March 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done}} by someone else. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 17:08, 26 March 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/2603:6010:D8F0:E20:DD08:13FC:43DA:F14D|2603:6010:D8F0:E20:DD08:13FC:43DA:F14D]] ==

* {{vandal|2603:6010:D8F0:E20:DD08:13FC:43DA:F14D}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 22:59, 27 March 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} one week, did cleanup of test pages with no quotes. There seems to be some coordination with a different IP, also blocked {{vandal|76.35.98.14}} [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 00:23, 28 March 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/2603:9000:DE00:84A3:FCA9:D662:175F:D38D|2603:9000:DE00:84A3:FCA9:D662:175F:D38D]] ==

* {{vandal|2603:9000:DE00:84A3:FCA9:D662:175F:D38D}}
Vandalism. Check deleted contrib, created multiple pages that out of project scope. &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:Aqurs1|Aqurs1]] ([[User talk:Aqurs1|talk]]) 14:09, 28 March 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/2603:6010:D8F0:E20:B597:CD00:288C:5420|2603:6010:D8F0:E20:B597:CD00:288C:5420]] ==

* {{vandal|2603:6010:D8F0:E20:B597:CD00:288C:5420}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:07, 28 March 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done}} I blocked the /64 causing problems from a range of IP addresses. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 02:33, 29 March 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Historybell05|Historybell05]] ==

* {{vandal|Historybell05}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:48, 29 March 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} and yeeted the spam page as well. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 12:29, 29 March 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-03-31, 01:13 ==

* {{IPvandal|104.14.129.233}}

The same person who vandalized [[Beast Wars: Transformers]] is doing it again. - [[User:FilmandTVFan28|FilmandTVFan28]] ([[User talk:FilmandTVFan28|talk]]) 01:15, 31 March 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 04:34, 1 April 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/188.93.112.241|188.93.112.241]] ==

* {{vandal|188.93.112.241}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 22:34, 31 March 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 04:34, 1 April 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Asjakqiku|Asjakqiku]] ==

* {{vandal|Asjakqiku}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 22:34, 31 March 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 04:36, 1 April 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/202bh|202bh]] ==

* {{vandal|202bh}}
Block evasion of [[Special:Contributions/Biuc12]]. &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:34, 2 April 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} indef block. Same sock account making Alexander Lukison edits at en-wiki. I undid those edits but I am not an admin there. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 16:06, 2 April 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Rabbitoy|Rabbitoy]] ==

* {{vandal|Rabbitoy}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:14, 2 April 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 16:07, 2 April 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Ijmremodeling4|Ijmremodeling4]] ==

* {{vandal|Ijmremodeling4}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:38, 3 April 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} block and cleanup done by GMG. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 15:41, 6 April 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/2402:1980:8310:144:C8E:B57C:5C16:2EB8|2402:1980:8310:144:C8E:B57C:5C16:2EB8]] ==

* {{vandal|2402:1980:8310:144:C8E:B57C:5C16:2EB8}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:44, 6 April 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 15:42, 6 April 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Khusha digital|Khusha digital]] ==

* {{vandal|Khusha digital}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:36, 8 April 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} Globally locked tho not by me. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 17:18, 8 April 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/75.205.237.149|75.205.237.149]] ==

* {{vandal|75.205.237.149}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:48, 8 April 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} I also recently blocked a different IP from California for adding the same &quot;balls&quot; quote to my talk page. Mysterious how some people choose to find fun. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 17:17, 8 April 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/2600:1011:A03E:B73B:E519:E650:F78F:5FC0|2600:1011:A03E:B73B:E519:E650:F78F:5FC0]] ==

* {{vandal|2600:1011:A03E:B73B:E519:E650:F78F:5FC0}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:BlackShadoww|BlackShadoww]] ([[User talk:BlackShadoww|talk]]) 22:18, 8 April 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} blocked 1 week for vandalism. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 22:37, 8 April 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/2601:1C2:81:AB70:3C0B:4FE3:6164:EDE|2601:1C2:81:AB70:3C0B:4FE3:6164:EDE]] ==

* {{vandal|2601:1C2:81:AB70:3C0B:4FE3:6164:EDE}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 02:48, 9 April 2025 (UTC)

: {{done}} I blocked the IP and deleted the pages. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 12:49, 9 April 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Would build|Would build]] ==

* {{vandal|Would build}}
LTA, [[:m:User:علاء/case2#Mohamed_AlAgha]] &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:46, 10 April 2025 (UTC)

:Indeed I created the pages because they have citations on [[Google]] Please [[search]] for each [[Names|name]] that I created a page for You will find that what I said is correct and [[identical]] As for Alaa I have no background or [[knowledge]] of him This is the first time I have heard of him What are all the names mentioned? I only have one name. [[User:Would build|Would build]] ([[User talk:Would build|talk]]) 10:00, 11 April 2025 (UTC)
::Blocked, clearly the same evasive tactics used by previous LTA accounts promoting Mohamed AlAgha. And the rest of the articles created probably require cleanup as well. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 11:29, 11 April 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Shernukh Despicable|Shernukh Despicable]] ==

* {{vandal|Shernukh Despicable}}
LTA, [[:m:User:علاء/case2#Mohamed_AlAgha]] &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:46, 10 April 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} clearly same LTA [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 11:30, 11 April 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Engineer Zak|Engineer Zak]] ==

* {{vandal|Engineer Zak}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:43, 12 April 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} 18:18, 13 April 2025 (UTC) [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 18:18, 13 April 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! 2|SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! 2]] ==

* {{vandal|SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! 2}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:USSR-Slav|USSR-Slav]] ([[User talk:USSR-Slav|talk]]) 08:08, 13 April 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 18:15, 13 April 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Imagepro2|Imagepro2]] ==

* {{vandal|Imagepro2}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:09, 13 April 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 18:15, 13 April 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-04-18, 13:49 ==

* {{IPvandal|76.122.3.178}}

Repeated vandalism. [[User:Svartava|Svartava]] ([[User talk:Svartava|talk]]) 13:50, 18 April 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} - blocked. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 14:49, 18 April 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/2600:100E:A120:2B52:D5FD:AE03:90C9:A381|2600:100E:A120:2B52:D5FD:AE03:90C9:A381]] ==

* {{vandal|2600:100E:A120:2B52:D5FD:AE03:90C9:A381}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 02:27, 14 April 2025 (UTC)

:Globally blocked tho not by me [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 19:11, 19 April 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/TarzanBoyFan|TarzanBoyFan]] ==

* {{vandal|TarzanBoyFan}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 02:48, 14 April 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}}, also globally blocked. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 19:10, 19 April 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Jankhan1114|Jankhan1114]] ==

* {{vandal|Jankhan1114}}
Adding spam links &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:Ternera|Ternera]] ([[User talk:Ternera|talk]]) 02:35, 16 April 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 19:09, 19 April 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Corteiz0102|Corteiz0102]] ==

* {{vandal|Corteiz0102}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:36, 17 April 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 19:08, 19 April 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Crystalwebster|Crystalwebster]] ==

* {{vandal|Crystalwebster}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:02, 18 April 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} tho not by me. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 19:12, 19 April 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Intellectualpropertyorg|Intellectualpropertyorg]] ==

* {{vandal|Intellectualpropertyorg}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 09:06, 19 April 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 19:06, 19 April 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Reversi the great|Reversi the great]] ==

* {{vandal|Reversi the great}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:Ternera|Ternera]] ([[User talk:Ternera|talk]]) 22:09, 19 April 2025 (UTC)
: Handled globally. &lt;span style=&quot;display:inline-block;text-align:center;vertical-align:bottom;line-height:0.5em;&quot;&gt;~~&lt;nowiki/&gt;~~&lt;br/&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;font-size:0.7em;&quot;&gt;[[User:1234qwer1234qwer4]] ([[User talk:1234qwer1234qwer4|talk]])&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/span&gt; 22:14, 19 April 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Myriamphoto|Myriamphoto]] ==

* {{vandal|Myriamphoto}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:44, 20 April 2025 (UTC)

:???? [[User:Myriamphoto|Myriamphoto]] ([[User talk:Myriamphoto|talk]]) 12:04, 20 April 2025 (UTC)
::{{done}} warned. Please do not post spam here. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 19:17, 20 April 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/222.127.93.32|222.127.93.32]] ==

* {{vandal|222.127.93.32}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:27, 20 April 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 19:17, 20 April 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/192.36.155.238|192.36.155.238]] ==

* {{vandal|192.36.155.238}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 14:23, 21 April 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} by someone else deleting the contribs. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 18:47, 21 April 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Arbitrary Reversi Star|Arbitrary Reversi Star]] ==

* {{vandal|Arbitrary Reversi Star}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 03:02, 22 April 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 03:06, 22 April 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Lucku89202|Lucku89202]] ==

* {{vandal|Lucku89202}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 07:49, 22 April 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} - blocked. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:12, 22 April 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Farshidn28|Farshidn28]] ==

* {{vandal|Farshidn28}}
Spamming &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:Hide on Rosé|Hide on Rosé]] ([[User talk:Hide on Rosé|talk]]) 09:14, 22 April 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} - blocked. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:14, 22 April 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/2600:100C:B023:EBE3:11D8:289D:78C1:B8A2|2600:100C:B023:EBE3:11D8:289D:78C1:B8A2]] ==

* {{vandal|2600:100C:B023:EBE3:11D8:289D:78C1:B8A2}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:Sakura emad|Sakura emad]] ([[User talk:Sakura emad|talk]]) 15:07, 22 April 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} blocked [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 15:49, 22 April 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Supportsofttech|Supportsofttech]] ==

* {{vandal|Supportsofttech}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:19, 23 April 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} - blocked. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:20, 23 April 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/41.114.96.59|41.114.96.59]] ==

* {{vandal|41.114.96.59}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 22:59, 23 April 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 13:08, 25 April 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/ElseworthJohn|ElseworthJohn]] ==

* {{vandal|ElseworthJohn}}
Possible link spam, please see [https://spamcheck.toolforge.org/by-domain?q=uklaw.co.uk] &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:47, 25 April 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} blocked for making clearly inappropriate external link, inserted as first and only edit. NOTHERE. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 13:08, 25 April 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/2601:1C2:81:AB70:902:5DA0:6EAF:984C|2601:1C2:81:AB70:902:5DA0:6EAF:984C]] ==

* {{vandal|2601:1C2:81:AB70:902:5DA0:6EAF:984C}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 22:58, 23 April 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}}, all deleted. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 02:08, 29 April 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/R3F6O7|R3F6O7]] ==

* {{vandal|R3F6O7}}
Vandalism. Lazy to tag every page for speedy deletion, please nuke them thanks. &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:Aqurs1|Aqurs1]] ([[User talk:Aqurs1|talk]]) 09:25, 28 April 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} pages deleted and user blocked. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:34, 28 April 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/2600:1700:FF00:46A0:0:0:0:0/64|2600:1700:FF00:46A0:0:0:0:0/64]] ==

* {{vandal|2600:1700:FF00:46A0:0:0:0:0/64}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:FlyingAce|FlyingAce]] ([[User talk:FlyingAce|talk]]) 10:24, 28 April 2025 (UTC)
: {{done}} reverted and blocked. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:35, 28 April 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/2600:1700:FF00:46A0:3092:9C27:C936:36F8|2600:1700:FF00:46A0:3092:9C27:C936:36F8]] ==

* {{vandal|2600:1700:FF00:46A0:3092:9C27:C936:36F8}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:Langusto|Langusto]] ([[User talk:Langusto|talk]]) 10:43, 28 April 2025 (UTC)
: {{done}} - repeat of above notice. Reverted and blocked. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:36, 28 April 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/2603:8001:8701:8E03:D039:8DCF:2DFB:52AD|2603:8001:8701:8E03:D039:8DCF:2DFB:52AD]] ==

* {{vandal|2603:8001:8701:8E03:D039:8DCF:2DFB:52AD}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 02:00, 29 April 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 02:07, 29 April 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/2601:1C2:81:AB70:3CCE:ED47:113C:CCBD|2601:1C2:81:AB70:3CCE:ED47:113C:CCBD]] ==

* {{vandal|2601:1C2:81:AB70:3CCE:ED47:113C:CCBD}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 03:07, 29 April 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 04:48, 29 April 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Cblmhospitalfh|Cblmhospitalfh]] ==

* {{vandal|Cblmhospitalfh}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 07:17, 29 April 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} blocked tho not by me. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 18:40, 5 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/TheDigitalFlix|TheDigitalFlix]] ==

* {{vandal|TheDigitalFlix}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 09:10, 29 April 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} blocked tho not by me. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 18:40, 5 May 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-05-5, 21:54 ==

* {{IPvandal|2600:1700:FF00:2770:1934:788B:F4F2:3515}}
* {{IPvandal|2600:1700:FF00:2770:3093:B811:1F8:7D7B}}

Vandalism. [[User:ᘙ|ᘙ]] ([[User talk:ᘙ|talk]]) 21:56, 5 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} I blocked the 64, since this seems to be the same vandal using a variable IP. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 00:26, 6 May 2025 (UTC)

https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Special:Contributions/2600:1700:FF00:2770:1934:788B:F4F2:3515

https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Special:Contributions/2600:1700:FF00:2770:3093:B811:1F8:7D7B
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Adebayo Olamilekanl|Adebayo Olamilekanl]] ==

* {{vandal|Adebayo Olamilekanl}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:50, 5 May 2025 (UTC)

:The only spam (userpage) was already deleted. I left message on talk page explaining the problem and no further edits have been made. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 21:46, 6 May 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/CommonsBuilder|CommonsBuilder]] ==

* {{vandal|CommonsBuilder}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:41, 6 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} tho not by me. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 13:28, 7 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Paintingdrive|Paintingdrive]] ==

* {{vandal|Paintingdrive}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 06:56, 7 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 13:27, 7 May 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/OceanAteAlaska|OceanAteAlaska]] ==

* {{vandal|OceanAteAlaska}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 02:16, 9 May 2025 (UTC)

:Globally Blocked [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 05:35, 9 May 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Bhushan1999|Bhushan1999]] ==

* {{vandal|Bhushan1999}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 10:49, 9 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 10:50, 9 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Cashappzone|Cashappzone]] ==

* {{vandal|Cashappzone}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:17, 9 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}}, reported at [[:m:]] —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 23:19, 9 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Ramodstyree|Ramodstyree]] ==

* {{vandal|Ramodstyree}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:53, 9 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 00:04, 10 May 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/2401:4900:73F0:A3F3:89CB:E90A:6590:89D|2401:4900:73F0:A3F3:89CB:E90A:6590:89D]] ==

* {{vandal|2401:4900:73F0:A3F3:89CB:E90A:6590:89D}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:ᘙ|ᘙ]] ([[User talk:ᘙ|talk]]) 09:54, 10 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 16:35, 10 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/2600:387:1:803:0:0:0:5C|2600:387:1:803:0:0:0:5C]] ==

* {{vandal|2600:387:1:803:0:0:0:5C}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:Langusto|Langusto]] ([[User talk:Langusto|talk]]) 18:52, 10 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 21:23, 10 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/JohnJoan&amp;Johnny|JohnJoan&amp;Johnny]] ==

* {{vandal|JohnJoan&amp;Johnny}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:Sakura emad|Sakura emad]] ([[User talk:Sakura emad|talk]]) 20:42, 10 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 21:23, 10 May 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Sydneyuk|Sydneyuk]] ==

* {{vandal|2400:ADC5:169:0:0:0:0:0/48}}

also

* {{vandal|Sydneyuk}}
This looks like someone spamming Akhtar Aly Kureshy by several IPs and by the account Sydneyuk

This account is blocked

https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Special:Contributions/Sydneyuk

Akhtar Aly Kureshy was deleted here multiple times:

https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Akhtar_Aly_Kureshy&amp;action=edit&amp;redlink=1

Might need cleanup
&lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:ᘙ|ᘙ]] ([[User talk:ᘙ|talk]]) 22:01, 11 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Sellsinusa8|Sellsinusa8]] ==

* {{vandal|Sellsinusa8}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 22:04, 11 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 22:05, 11 May 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/66.216.210.4|66.216.210.4]] ==

* {{vandal|66.216.210.4}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:13, 11 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} by someone else. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 00:16, 12 May 2025 (UTC)
::This is the fourth time I blocked this IP. Earlier blocks were for spam but this one is straight vandalism. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 16:47, 12 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Jhonsmith45|Jhonsmith45]] ==

* {{vandal|Jhonsmith45}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:15, 12 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 16:45, 12 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/75.146.215.29|75.146.215.29]] ==

* {{vandal|75.146.215.29}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 15:41, 12 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 16:44, 12 May 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Shelbertaim|Shelbertaim]] ==

* {{vandal|Shelbertaim}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 01:44, 13 May 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} - blocked and content deleted. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:00, 13 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/2001:8003:DC14:0:0:0:0:0/48]] ==

* White supremacist, antisemite, long-term problem; probable ban evasion ([[User:TVEBOR]]) - adding swastikas, racist propaganda, replacing pictures of Black people with white, removing quotes by Jews, etc. etc. A lot of his vandalism and POV-pushing is sneaky and obfuscated (often you need to scroll down in a diff.) This /48 probably best captures his current IPv6 range. Will make a noticeboard post if necessary. Tonight's IP is [https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Special:Contributions/2001:8003:DC14:0:FDB3:2B29:9325:256]. Thank you - [[User:Antandrus|Antandrus]] ([[User talk:Antandrus|talk]]) 02:23, 13 May 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} - blocked. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:39, 13 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/James dayeeb|James dayeeb]] ==

* {{vandal|James dayeeb}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 06:19, 13 May 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} - deleted and blocked. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:35, 13 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Xover's Son|Xover's Son]] ==

* {{vandal|Xover's Son}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 09:03, 13 May 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} - blocked and deleted. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:38, 13 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Nicalismedicine|Nicalismedicine]] ==

* {{vandal|Nicalismedicine}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 09:28, 13 May 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} - blocked and deleted. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:38, 13 May 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Webpivots|Webpivots]] ==

* {{vandal|Webpivots}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:00, 14 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 12:12, 14 May 2025 (UTC)
::Reported at [[:m:]] —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 12:15, 14 May 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Wazih Perfume &amp; Fragness|Wazih Perfume &amp; Fragness]] ==

* {{vandal|Wazih Perfume &amp; Fragness}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:37, 15 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} by someone else. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 11:44, 16 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/46.188.164.176|46.188.164.176]] ==

* {{vandal|46.188.164.176}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:Sakura emad|Sakura emad]] ([[User talk:Sakura emad|talk]]) 17:35, 15 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 11:45, 16 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Aidentaylors|Aidentaylors]] ==

* {{vandal|Aidentaylors}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:15, 16 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 13:23, 16 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Maraadamb3|Maraadamb3]] ==

* {{vandal|Maraadamb3}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:30, 16 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 13:37, 16 May 2025 (UTC)
::Reported at [[:m:]]. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 13:38, 16 May 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Loftyus|Loftyus]] ==

* {{vandal|Loftyus}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 02:24, 19 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done}} globally. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 03:52, 20 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Besturdu|Besturdu]] ==

* {{vandal|Besturdu}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 02:33, 19 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} by someone else. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 03:53, 20 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/2603:8001:8701:8E03:761C:3F36:F21F:FAD0|2603:8001:8701:8E03:761C:3F36:F21F:FAD0]] ==

* {{vandal|2603:8001:8701:8E03:761C:3F36:F21F:FAD0}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 03:30, 19 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} by someone else. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 03:53, 20 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/29912 Hello|29912 Hello]] ==

* {{vandal|29912 Hello}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:08, 19 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} globally. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 03:53, 20 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Gsfdswghhgf29912|Gsfdswghhgf29912]] ==

* {{vandal|Gsfdswghhgf29912}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:13, 19 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 03:54, 20 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/175.107.216.70|175.107.216.70]] ==

* {{vandal|175.107.216.70}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:34, 19 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 03:54, 20 May 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/321SPONGEBOLT, Josiahblaze0|321SPONGEBOLT, Josiahblaze0]] ==

* {{vandal|321SPONGEBOLT, Josiahblaze0}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:04, 20 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 01:26, 21 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Albertt711|Albertt711]] ==

* {{vandal|Albertt711}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:07, 20 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 01:22, 21 May 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-05-20, 17:17 ==

* {{Vandal|Rgato1536}}

Only creation of nonsense pages [[User:Samuele2002|Samuele2002]] ([[User talk:Samuele2002|talk]]) 17:18, 20 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 01:20, 21 May 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Tomburke612|Tomburke612]] ==

* {{vandal|Tomburke612}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:42, 22 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} by someone else —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 23:35, 24 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning block-evading white supremacist/antisemite ==

* Multiple IPs, one static, and others highly dynamic:
:(The original, currently blocked, was https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Special:Contributions/2001:8003:DC14:0:0:0:0:0/48)
:{{Vandal|2001:8004:52E0:44E5:5C70:DA73:B43C:117E}} (current as of this report)
:{{Vandal|203.54.155.190}} (static)
:{{Vandal|2001:8004:6BA0:F08F:C9B6:1A4:F8D9:F9E7}}
:{{Vandal|2001:8004:52E1:6E1F:78B5:F277:5954:3616}}
Comment - This person is persistent and returns with a differnet IPv6 every time. His POV-pushing is often sneaky and obfuscated; he adds swastikas, anti-vax propaganda, outright racist garbage on pages where it doesn't belong, etc. Often you have to scroll down in a diff, and go to the source of an image, to see what he is doing. I will make a noticeboard post if necessary. This has been going on at least since 2019. [[User:Antandrus|Antandrus]] ([[User talk:Antandrus|talk]]) 01:06, 23 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 00:01, 25 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/96.35.74.197|96.35.74.197]] ==

* {{vandal|96.35.74.197}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:02, 24 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 00:01, 25 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/TamHamGhor|TamHamGhor]] ==

* {{vandal|TamHamGhor}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:02, 24 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 00:01, 25 May 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-05-24, 21:37 ==

* {{IPvandal|75.127.152.34}}
* {{IPvandal|68.193.160.90}}

These Fourlaxers sockpuppets consistently remove content from [[Shining Time Station]] without explanation. They were given warnings, but they refuse to comply. They must be blocked indefinitely, and it is recommended the page be protected indefinitely. It is the only way they are going to stop. [[Special:Contributions/100.8.243.246|100.8.243.246]] 22:33, 24 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} by protecting, no blocks. Anyone else can block if deemed fit. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 00:03, 25 May 2025 (UTC)
::That will do, but if the sockpuppet(s) persist after the protection expires, or if a sockpuppet account should happen to make those same edits, they must be indefinitely blocked on sight. [[Special:Contributions/100.8.243.246|100.8.243.246]] 02:00, 25 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/2600:100F:A021:8696:2CFF:3709:AFAD:772B|2600:100F:A021:8696:2CFF:3709:AFAD:772B]] ==

* {{vandal|2600:100F:A021:8696:2CFF:3709:AFAD:772B}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:21, 24 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 00:04, 25 May 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/ChunzwBot|ChunzwBot]] ==

* {{vandal|ChunzwBot}}
Vandalism. Also violates [[WQ:Username policy]] &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --&lt;span style=&quot;color:#dbf;font:bold 100% 'Brush Script MT',cursive;padding:0 .75em 0 .5em&quot;&gt;— [[User:NaomiAmethyst|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#c8f&quot;&gt;Naomi&lt;/span&gt;]] [[User talk:NaomiAmethyst|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#93f&quot;&gt;Amethyst&lt;/span&gt;]]&lt;/span&gt; 06:36, 25 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} globally —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 10:00, 25 May 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/97.211.78.197|97.211.78.197]] ==

* {{vandal|97.211.78.197}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 02:27, 26 May 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} — short term block in place. &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 09:05, 26 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/2600:100F:A021:8696:7C9A:2A2E:D571:68CC|2600:100F:A021:8696:7C9A:2A2E:D571:68CC]] ==

* {{vandal|2600:100F:A021:8696:7C9A:2A2E:D571:68CC}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:JJPMaster|JJP...MASTER!]]&lt;sub&gt;[[User:JJPMaster|[talk to] JJP... master?]]&lt;/sub&gt; 03:56, 26 May 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} — short term block in place. &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 09:05, 26 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/ChanzwBot|ChanzwBot]] ==

* {{vandal|ChanzwBot}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 05:30, 26 May 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} — blocked. &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 09:05, 26 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Spyranretail70|Spyranretail70]] ==

* {{vandal|Spyranretail70}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 07:32, 26 May 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} — blocked. &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 09:05, 26 May 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/124.217.188.201|124.217.188.201]] ==

* {{vandal|124.217.188.201}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:JJPMaster|JJP...MASTER!]]&lt;sub&gt;[[User:JJPMaster|[talk to] JJP... master?]]&lt;/sub&gt; 13:05, 28 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} blocked 1 week [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 08:04, 31 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/97.210.87.237|97.210.87.237]] ==

* {{vandal|97.210.87.237}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 03:32, 29 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} tho  not by me. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 08:05, 31 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Theindiamovesjpr|Theindiamovesjpr]] ==

* {{vandal|Theindiamovesjpr}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 09:50, 29 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} globally locked tho not by me. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 08:06, 31 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Gashi Gani1944|Gashi Gani1944]] ==

* {{vandal|Gashi Gani1944}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:18, 30 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 08:10, 31 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Donald Trump is the worst president|Donald Trump is the worst president]] ==

* {{vandal|Donald Trump is the worst president}}
LTA Zjholder &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:Leonidlednev|Leonidlednev]] ([[User talk:Leonidlednev|talk]]) 22:16, 30 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} globally locked tho not by me. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 08:11, 31 May 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Fùč̣k Donald Trump 2024|Fùč̣k Donald Trump 2024]] ==

* {{vandal|Fùč̣k Donald Trump 2024}}
LTA Zjholder &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:Leonidlednev|Leonidlednev]] ([[User talk:Leonidlednev|talk]]) 22:24, 30 May 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} blocked tho not by me. [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 08:12, 31 May 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/2605:59C0:21D7:2410:20FA:A529:93A5:25|2605:59C0:21D7:2410:20FA:A529:93A5:25]] ==

* {{vandal|2605:59C0:21D7:2410:20FA:A529:93A5:25}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --&lt;span style=&quot;color:#dbf;font:bold 100% 'Brush Script MT',cursive;padding:0 .75em 0 .5em&quot;&gt;— [[User:NaomiAmethyst|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#c8f&quot;&gt;Naomi&lt;/span&gt;]] [[User talk:NaomiAmethyst|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#93f&quot;&gt;Amethyst&lt;/span&gt;]]&lt;/span&gt; 04:17, 1 June 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} [[User:HouseOfChange|HouseOfChange]] ([[User talk:HouseOfChange|talk]]) 17:06, 1 June 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/64.31.104.150|64.31.104.150]] ==

* {{vandal|64.31.104.150}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:ᘙ|ᘙ]] ([[User talk:ᘙ|talk]]) 20:05, 1 June 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 02:43, 2 June 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Astrologersneha|Astrologersneha]] ==

* {{vandal|Astrologersneha}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:48, 2 June 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 13:50, 2 June 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/MIarch11|MIarch11]] ==

* {{Vandal|MIarch11}}

Clearly only here to vandalize and not to build. [[User:03isrflo62410|03isrflo62410]] ([[User talk:03isrflo62410|talk]]) 21:31, 2 June 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} globally —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 06:02, 3 June 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/SiddhnathPune|SiddhnathPune]] ==

* {{vandal|SiddhnathPune}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:28, 3 June 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:06, 3 June 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Luccy Wilson|Luccy Wilson]] ==

* {{vandal|Luccy Wilson}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:36, 3 June 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:07, 3 June 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/71.195.107.170|71.195.107.170]] ==

* {{vandal|71.195.107.170}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 22:35, 4 June 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} by someone else —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 04:26, 10 June 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/2603:3006:1801:C800:C0D5:B48D:3B9B:C33F|2603:3006:1801:C800:C0D5:B48D:3B9B:C33F]] ==

* {{vandal|2603:3006:1801:C800:C0D5:B48D:3B9B:C33F}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:00, 4 June 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 04:26, 10 June 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Kojo seven|Kojo seven]] ==

* {{vandal|Kojo seven}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 01:48, 10 June 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}}, I hope a warning is enough. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 04:27, 10 June 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Samdiago1234|Samdiago1234]] ==

* {{vandal|Samdiago1234}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:30, 10 June 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} by someone else. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 16:04, 10 June 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/ItzTheKnight16|ItzTheKnight16]] ==

* {{vandal|ItzTheKnight16}}
[[:w:WP:NOTWEBHOST]], removed CSD tag by IP. &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:02, 10 June 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 23:07, 10 June 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/2804:D51:447F:6600:496B:3ED2:F1C2:549A|2804:D51:447F:6600:496B:3ED2:F1C2:549A]] ==

* {{vandal|2804:D51:447F:6600:496B:3ED2:F1C2:549A}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:Leonidlednev|Leonidlednev]] ([[User talk:Leonidlednev|talk]]) 16:15, 11 June 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} - blocked. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 16:34, 11 June 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/गुंडा|गुंडा]] ==

* {{vandal|गुंडा}}
Recreated [[Abdelnaser Abdelfatah]], please see [[Wikiquote:Administrators%27_noticeboard/Archive/040#Return_of_Abdel_Nasser_Abdel_Fattah_Mohamed_(ANAFM)]]. &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:08, 11 June 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/66.216.210.4|66.216.210.4]] ==

* {{vandal|66.216.210.4}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:28, 11 June 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} - blocked and pages deleted. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 11:54, 12 June 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/GMK7|GMK7]] ==

* {{vandal|GMK7}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:03, 14 June 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/96.35.74.197|96.35.74.197]] ==

* {{vandal|96.35.74.197}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:41, 14 June 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/50.226.140.190|50.226.140.190]] ==

* {{vandal|50.226.140.190}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:20, 15 June 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/182.178.120.110|182.178.120.110]] ==

* {{vandal|182.178.120.110}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:22, 15 June 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-06-15, 20:41 ==

* {{IPvandal|50.226.140.190}}

Creating many bad pages. [[User:Zaxxon0|Zaxxon0]] ([[User talk:Zaxxon0|talk]]) 20:41, 15 June 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/208.40.86.22|208.40.86.22]] ==

* {{vandal|208.40.86.22}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 22:52, 16 June 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/GrowwMax InfoTech Pvt. Ltd India|GrowwMax InfoTech Pvt. Ltd India]] ==

* {{vandal|GrowwMax InfoTech Pvt. Ltd India}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 09:14, 16 June 2025 (UTC)
: already blocked. -[[user:Lemonaka|‎&lt;span style=&quot;color:blue; text-shadow:jet 0 0.2em 0.2em; font-family:Segoe Print; font-size: 13px&quot;&gt;'''Lemonaka'''‎&lt;/span&gt;]] 12:20, 17 June 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Aarti5678|Aarti5678]] ==

* {{vandal|Aarti5678}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:14, 17 June 2025 (UTC)
: Blocked. -[[user:Lemonaka|‎&lt;span style=&quot;color:blue; text-shadow:jet 0 0.2em 0.2em; font-family:Segoe Print; font-size: 13px&quot;&gt;'''Lemonaka'''‎&lt;/span&gt;]] 12:20, 17 June 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Anchaldigital|Anchaldigital]] ==

* {{vandal|Anchaldigital}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:09, 18 June 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} by someone else, reported to [[:m:]]. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 14:13, 18 June 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Opinnate|Opinnate]] ==

* {{vandal|Opinnate}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:29, 18 June 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} by someone else. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 14:13, 18 June 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-06-19, 06:27 ==

* {{Vandal|Cuumora}}
Vandalism-only account. [[User:Ferien|Ferien]] &lt;small&gt;([[User talk:Ferien|talk]])&lt;/small&gt; 06:28, 19 June 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done}} by someone else. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 06:35, 19 June 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/2409:4089:AB3D:32AC:0:0:5F4A:F313|2409:4089:AB3D:32AC:0:0:5F4A:F313]] ==

* {{vandal|2409:4089:AB3D:32AC:0:0:5F4A:F313}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 06:56, 19 June 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 08:28, 19 June 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/173.207.58.96|173.207.58.96]] ==

* {{vandal|173.207.58.96}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 06:56, 19 June 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 08:28, 19 June 2025 (UTC)

== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Dandeleon14|Dandeleon14]] ==

* {{vandal|Dandeleon14}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 08:25, 19 June 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 08:29, 19 June 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Nanhost049|Nanhost049]] ==

* {{vandal|Nanhost049}}
Spam &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 05:17, 22 June 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 05:48, 22 June 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/35.39.105.217|35.39.105.217]] ==

* {{vandal|35.39.105.217}}
Vandalism &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 05:19, 22 June 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 05:48, 22 June 2025 (UTC)
== Report concerning [[Special:Contributions/Super Mario Bros kart on Wekequote|Super Mario Bros kart on Wekequote]] ==

* {{vandal|Super Mario Bros kart on Wekequote}}
Vandalism. [[Special:Contributions/35.39.105.217]] &lt;small&gt;[[:m:Special:MyLanguage/User:TenWhile6/XReport|XReport]]&lt;/small&gt; --[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 05:19, 22 June 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 05:48, 22 June 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-06-24, 22:24 ==

* {{IPvandal|173.207.58.96}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:16, 24 June 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 23:31, 24 June 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-06-26, 02:06 ==

* {{IPvandal|103.95.39.28}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 02:56, 26 June 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 04:04, 26 June 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-06-26, 11:11 ==

* {{Vandal|SEObacklink963622}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:59, 26 June 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done}} globally —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 05:20, 30 June 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-06-28, 23:22 ==

* {{Vandal|Jewelrugs1}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:23, 28 June 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} by someone else. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 05:22, 30 June 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-06-28, 23:23 ==

* {{IPvandal|2603:8001:8701:8E03:F583:37AF:5885:8129}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:24, 28 June 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} by someone else. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 05:24, 30 June 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-06-30, 04:28 ==

* {{Vandal|GMK7}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 04:29, 30 June 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}}, reporting at [[:m:]] —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 05:26, 30 June 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-06-30, 05:38 ==

* {{Vandal|Cineyadsd}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 05:41, 30 June 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} reported at [[:m:]] —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 05:44, 30 June 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-06-30, 09:32 ==

* {{Vandal|Axcessrent}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 09:41, 30 June 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} — blocked locally by {{user|UDScott}}, and blocked globally also. ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 23:14, 30 June 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-06-30, 22:39 ==

* {{Vandal|CloudRafanan}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 22:51, 30 June 2025 (UTC)
: Posted warning to talk page. ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 23:14, 30 June 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-06-30, 22:52 ==

* {{IPvandal|2600:387:C:7210:0:0:0:2}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 22:54, 30 June 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} — blocked IP for 2 weeks. ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 23:14, 30 June 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-07-1, 22:27 ==

* {{Vandal|Akande1234}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 22:51, 1 July 2025 (UTC)
: Globally blocked by vermont. -[[user:Lemonaka|‎&lt;span style=&quot;color:blue; text-shadow:jet 0 0.2em 0.2em; font-family:Segoe Print; font-size: 13px&quot;&gt;'''Lemonaka'''‎&lt;/span&gt;]] 03:59, 3 July 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-07-2, 12:06 ==

* {{Vandal|Jannelk247}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:21, 2 July 2025 (UTC)
: {{done}} indef blocked -[[user:Lemonaka|‎&lt;span style=&quot;color:blue; text-shadow:jet 0 0.2em 0.2em; font-family:Segoe Print; font-size: 13px&quot;&gt;'''Lemonaka'''‎&lt;/span&gt;]] 04:00, 3 July 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-07-3, 00:06 ==

* {{IPvandal|2600:1700:5AED:1000:92E:CD90:2DF5:D4C1}}

It's the same vandal who once again vandalized [[The Father (2020 film)]], [[News of the World]], and [[Loonatics Unleashed]]. I don't want to risk edit warring. - [[User:FilmandTVFan28|FilmandTVFan28]] ([[User talk:FilmandTVFan28|talk]]) 00:38, 3 July 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 20:42, 7 July 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-07-5, 04:17 ==

* {{Vandal|Traveliciousbites}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 04:18, 5 July 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 20:46, 7 July 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-07-5, 06:54 ==

* {{Vandal|Marian122298}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 07:25, 5 July 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} globally —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 20:47, 7 July 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-07-7, 12:08 ==

* {{Vandal|AAS Direct HQ}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:09, 7 July 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} reporting to [[:m:]] —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 20:47, 7 July 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-07-8, 11:31 ==

* {{Vandal|Provent-compliance}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:54, 8 July 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 12:11, 8 July 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-07-9, 12:27 ==

* {{Vandal|Walidfalcon}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:27, 9 July 2025 (UTC)
: Blocked. -[[user:Lemonaka|‎&lt;span style=&quot;color:blue; text-shadow:jet 0 0.2em 0.2em; font-family:Segoe Print; font-size: 13px&quot;&gt;'''Lemonaka'''‎&lt;/span&gt;]] 13:26, 9 July 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-07-12, 11:07 ==

* {{Vandal|Solamalaicollege}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:58, 12 July 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} — blocked and deleted. ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 13:44, 12 July 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-07-13, 21:01 ==

* {{IPvandal|71.195.107.170}}
Vandalism [[User:Ferien|Ferien]] &lt;small&gt;([[User talk:Ferien|talk]])&lt;/small&gt; 21:01, 13 July 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} — IP blocked. ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 22:24, 13 July 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-07-13, 21:10 ==

* {{Vandal|OdysseusBoy}}

Vandalism. [[User:Pólux|Pólux]] ([[User talk:Pólux|talk]]) 21:11, 13 July 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} — blocked. ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 22:24, 13 July 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-07-14, 07:12 ==

* {{Vandal|Digitalnik}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 07:13, 14 July 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} by someone else —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 09:38, 14 July 2025 (UTC)
::Reported: https://meta.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?title=Steward_requests%2FGlobal&amp;diff=28981228&amp;oldid=28981056 —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 09:39, 14 July 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-07-20, 03:20 ==

* {{Vandal|Medicusofhouston}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 03:31, 20 July 2025 (UTC)
: {{done}} blocked. -[[user:Lemonaka|‎&lt;span style=&quot;color:blue; text-shadow:jet 0 0.2em 0.2em; font-family:Segoe Print; font-size: 13px&quot;&gt;'''Lemonaka'''‎&lt;/span&gt;]] 02:16, 21 July 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-07-26, 14:05 ==

* {{Vandal|NorthernWinds}}
A short explanation for why this username should be blocked: new account that seems to be focused exclusively on Israel and Palestine (a lot of activisty on [[Zionism]] and the [[Palestine]] page). Is deleting many quotes other editors added, contacting some editors but not waiting for responses. It's been disruptive, not sure if it qualifies as vandalism or political activism or just someone who hasn't learned the process yet. [[User:A23423413|A23423413]] ([[User talk:A23423413|talk]]) 15:10, 26 July 2025 (UTC)A23423413, July 26, 2025

:Hello @[[User:A23423413|A23423413]],
:I am sorry if that is how I came across, I did not mean any wrong. You said I &quot;did not wait for a response&quot;. You are likely referring to when I pinged you [https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Talk:Zionism#c-NorthernWinds-20250726121900-Notability here]. &lt;s&gt;I, in fact, did wait for a response, and did not remove your quote.&lt;/s&gt; I have removed quotes which I cannot find secondary sources for, in compliance with [[WQ:FAME]]. If there are any issues with my editing, I believe it is best to contact me and [[WQ:AGF]] before reporting, &lt;s&gt;and misleading others (&quot;not waiting for responses&quot;).&lt;/s&gt; I do not have an agenda, and if there is a &quot;process&quot; I have yet to learn about, please raise it in my talk page and I'll be more than happy to learn and contribute more in line with guidelines going forward.

:Note: upon second review of the page's history, it appears I did remove your quote, and you are the one who reinstated. I do not remember doing so, and would like to apologize. Could you please respond where I contacted you about the secondary source required for [[WQ:FAME]]?

:Best, [[User:NorthernWinds|NorthernWinds]] ([[User talk:NorthernWinds|talk]]) 15:18, 26 July 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-08-1, 07:26 ==

* {{Vandal|Handmadefever}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 07:26, 1 August 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}}, blocked. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:42, 1 August 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-07-27, 13:26 ==

* {{IPvandal|177.98.100.114}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:26, 27 July 2025 (UTC)

:{{Ping|MathXplore}} E.g. ? I don't see any obvious vandalism. Are the quotations fake? (I've never seen this TV show). —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 18:09, 3 August 2025 (UTC)
:: [[Special:Log/177.98.100.114]] [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 01:29, 4 August 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-07-27, 13:28 ==

* {{Vandal|Mbretpix}}
* {{Vandal|RahulGandhi01}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:28, 27 July 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} by someone else —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 18:10, 3 August 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-07-28, 22:19 ==

* {{Vandal|DJ Makosam Official 1}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 22:58, 28 July 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} by someone else. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 18:10, 3 August 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-08-3, 13:24 ==

* {{Vandal|Cryptoemarketing}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:24, 3 August 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 17:03, 3 August 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-08-4, 01:17 ==

* {{Vandal|Jexebarb}}
* {{Vandal|Jesequote}}

Cross-wiki link spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 01:28, 4 August 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 04:36, 4 August 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-08-4, 01:30 ==

* {{Vandal|Ellie0804}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 01:31, 4 August 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 04:36, 4 August 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-08-4, 11:58 ==

* {{IPvandal|72.202.155.82}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:59, 4 August 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} by someone else. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 18:46, 4 August 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-08-6, 12:01 ==

* {{Vandal|Bcuja}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:02, 6 August 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-08-7, 01:36 ==

* {{IPvandal|2601:243:D01:1F20:9049:4A73:338F:EE73}}

Cross-wiki spam, [[:w:WP:FORUMSHOP]], [[Special:CentralAuth/PawPatroler]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 02:13, 7 August 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-08-7, 07:36 ==

* {{Vandal|Provent-compliance1}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 07:36, 7 August 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}}, deleted and blocked. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:12, 7 August 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-08-8, 12:21 ==

* {{Vandal|Proventcompliance301}}
* {{Vandal|Abarch Architects}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:45, 8 August 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} by someone else, latter globally. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 22:38, 12 August 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-08-9, 23:18 ==

* {{Vandal|Joseph05678890}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:20, 9 August 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} deleted by someone else, welcomed/warned. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 22:39, 12 August 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-08-10, 12:46 ==

* {{Vandal|BinanceDatabase}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:48, 10 August 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 22:40, 12 August 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-08-10, 12:48 ==

* {{Vandal|Fluvos Captus}}
* [[Abdelnaser Abdelfatah]]

Spam ([[Special:CentralAuth/Абидров_Рафаэль_Беймович]], [[Special:CentralAuth/गुंडा]], [[Wikiquote:Administrators%27_noticeboard/Archive/040#Return_of_Abdel_Nasser_Abdel_Fattah_Mohamed_(ANAFM)]], [[:m:User:علاء/case2#Mohamed_AlAgha]]). [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:54, 10 August 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} globally, undoing now. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 22:40, 12 August 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-08-12, 02:11 ==

* {{IPvandal|187.89.104.62}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 02:47, 12 August 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} Empty pages deleted, user welcome/warned. I didn't see anything that was actually &quot;vandalism&quot;, so if I missed it, please give a diff. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 22:44, 12 August 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-08-12, 12:54 ==

* {{IPvandal|31.134.188.230}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:09, 12 August 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-08-14, 03:21 ==

* {{Vandal|Thegoofhere}}
Some one keeps removing pro Israel quotes only replacing them with quotes from Ali khamenei lol https://en.m.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Iran%E2%80%93Israel_war&amp;diff=prev&amp;oldid=3793121
A short explanation for why this username should be blocked. [[User:Baratiiman|Baratiiman]] ([[User talk:Baratiiman|talk]]) 03:23, 14 August 2025 (UTC)

:I'm not? What are you even talking about, dude [[User:Thegoofhere|Thegoofhere]] ([[User talk:Thegoofhere|talk]]) 03:26, 14 August 2025 (UTC)
::I was merely removing quotes that weren't properly sourced to [[Wikipedia:Wikipedia:Reliable sources|RS]], please see [[WQ:QUOTE]] [[User:Thegoofhere|Thegoofhere]] ([[User talk:Thegoofhere|talk]]) 04:10, 14 August 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-08-14, 11:40 ==

* {{Vandal|Justinmartin012}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:36, 14 August 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 10:07, 15 August 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-08-15, 17:55 ==

Moved to Administrators' noticeboard [https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Wikiquote:Administrators%27_noticeboard#New_report_2025-08-15,_17:55] -[[User:IOHANNVSVERVS|IOHANNVSVERVS]] ([[User talk:IOHANNVSVERVS|talk]]) 05:00, 16 August 2025 (UTC)

* {{Vandal|NorthernWinds}}
posting here about the continued targeted subtractive vandalism by this new user on pages relating to palestine and israel. tagging {{Ping|koavf}} as promised, and also {{Ping|UDScott}}, {{Ping|Kalki}}, and {{Ping|Peter1c}} because they've been involved in talk page discussions with northernwinds. northernwinds, can you tag any editors that you think have shown support for the large cuts you've been trying to make under the notability guideline, so they can particapate in this conversation too? 

a timeline of my involvement in what's been happening is something like this:
on july 26 i noticed unusual, subtractive editing on the [[Zionism]] page from a newly created account and reverted it with a note why. northernwinds continued to cut quotes from that page anyway and started to on the [[Palestine]] page as well, so i reported it on the Vandalism in Progress page: &quot;new account that seems to be focused exclusively on Israel and Palestine (a lot of activisty on Zionism and the Palestine page). Is deleting many quotes other editors added, contacting some editors but not waiting for responses. It's been disruptive, not sure if it qualifies as vandalism or political activism or just someone who hasn't learned the process yet.&quot; northernwinds posted a defensive paragraph 8 minutes later but no admin responded and that report is now [https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Wikiquote:Vandalism_in_progress/Archive/16 archived]. 

northernwinds continued trying to make large cuts of quotes other editors had added and some of the removals were reverted by admins. on august 5 i reverted their attempted mass quote removal on the [[Palestine]] page and asked them using the edit summary: &quot; which people on the page do you think should not be considered notable? and for the ones that you agree are notable but you think the quote isn't, what is a different quote by them you suggest?&quot; northernwinds posted an evasive response on the palestine talk page, which i responded to there and also said i was going to wait for some kind of feedback from an admin before deciding whether to communicate directly with them again. we both contacted {{Ping|Kalki}} on august 5 and northernwinds has a bolded explanation there that the notability guideline is not a mandate, and august 7 from {{Ping|Peter1c}} on the palestine talk page as well.

on august 12 and 13 i reverted northernwinds attempted mass removal of quotes from the [[Zionism]] and [[Israel]] pages and added the suggestion in the edit summary &quot;if you think we should make subtractive changes as a new editor, list on the talk page the names of the individuals that you think should not be considered notable, and over time we can see if other editors agree or not.&quot; and i asked on koavf's talk page: &quot;if you looked at the user's large subtractive edits and their comments on talk pages and didn't/don't interpret it as vandalism, could you write about how what they've been doing is different than cases that you do judge to be vandalism? and if you do spend some time reviewing this situation, do you have any feedback or advice for what i could try to do differently next time i notice a new editor trying to make large cuts to pages like this?&quot;
i have also reverted northernwinds july 31 attempt to remove half of the content other editors had added to the [[Israeli–Palestinian conflict]] page

i've been choosing to revert to the version of these pages right before northernwinds started trying to make cuts by misusing the notability guideline because those were most obviously political activism. but northernwinds also made a series of significant cuts to pages on july 3 with the endurance guideline as the explanation, including a third of the quotes that were on the [[Israel]] page. if anyone has already checked if some of those were made in bad faith too or not, can you let us know so we're all on the same page? [[User:A23423413|A23423413]] ([[User talk:A23423413|talk]]) 19:13, 15 August 2025 (UTC)

:This is more suitable for the administrator's noticeboard than here. You may want to move it [[User:NorthernWinds|NorthernWinds]] ([[User talk:NorthernWinds|talk]]) 19:40, 15 August 2025 (UTC)
:Hello @[[User:A23423413|A23423413]] and @[[User:NorthernWinds|NorthernWinds]]. I am willing to help resolve this disagreement. 
:1. I see NorthernWinds is making additions as well as deletions. To me this implies it is problematic to describe NorthenWinds as a vandal. I don't underestimate the value of expressing feelings along with editorial concerns, but precision of language can help avoid unnecessary escalation. See [[WQ:AGF]].
:2. If any disagreement about deletion of a quotation is documented or anticipated, Wikiquote best practice is to move the deleted quotations to the talk page, maintaining them alphabetically, and include detailed explanations for deletions and other editorial actions. 
:Thank you for your contributions to Wikiquote! ~ [[User:Peter1c|Peter1c]] ([[User talk:Peter1c|talk]]) 20:54, 15 August 2025 (UTC)
:I agree that this is better suited to the AN. Please move this there. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 21:05, 15 August 2025 (UTC)

Moved to Administrators' noticeboard [https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Wikiquote:Administrators%27_noticeboard#New_report_2025-08-15,_17:55] -[[User:IOHANNVSVERVS|IOHANNVSVERVS]] ([[User talk:IOHANNVSVERVS|talk]]) 05:00, 16 August 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-08-15, 22:44 ==

* {{Vandal|Lesenokx}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:27, 15 August 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 23:32, 15 August 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-08-20, 12:24 ==

* {{Vandal|Virinchipvs}}

Cross-wiki link spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:59, 20 August 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 13:33, 20 August 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-08-24, 04:00 ==

* {{IPvandal|2804:D51:4427:6100:648E:2EEF:CA13:CC96}}

Recurring vandalism on [[The Powerpuff Girls]] and [[The Powerpuff Girls Movie]], see those pages' histories. You might want to consider blocking the whole /32 range. [[User:Codename Noreste|Codename Noreste]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]]) 04:01, 24 August 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-08-25, 23:37 ==

* {{IPvandal|2001:8003:B437:DE00:CC40:CB84:7BC5:EA52}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:39, 25 August 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 00:33, 26 August 2025 (UTC) — blocked this IP for a month — but right now, I don’t have enough info or time to attempt a wider range block.
== New report 2025-08-26, 12:31 ==

* {{Vandal|Bunnyleisureadultcenter}}

Cross-wiki spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:42, 26 August 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 01:14, 27 August 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-08-26, 22:48 ==

* {{Vandal|Thewesternoutfit0}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:15, 26 August 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 01:11, 27 August 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-08-27, 22:57 ==

* {{Vandal|Defrenzel9}}

He appears to be the same IP user who vandalized [[Beast Wars: Transformers]] and [[Beast Machines: Transformers]]. - [[User:FilmandTVFan28|FilmandTVFan28]] ([[User talk:FilmandTVFan28|talk]]) 23:22, 27 August 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 23:26, 27 August 2025 (UTC) — blocked.
::Why are you not accepting me all the time including for News Of The World and for The Father? [[Special:Contributions/2600:1700:5AED:1000:C18A:F463:188A:63A0|2600:1700:5AED:1000:C18A:F463:188A:63A0]] 01:45, 28 August 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-08-28, 07:10 ==

* {{Vandal|Bajajhomeandliving}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 07:42, 28 August 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 12:32, 28 August 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-09-2, 08:29 ==

* {{IPvandal|150.228.135.214}}

Spam.[[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 08:30, 2 September 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} by rollback. I hope that's enough for now. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 12:06, 2 September 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-09-2, 22:36 ==

* {{Vandal|Cricwindow}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 22:53, 2 September 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 23:05, 2 September 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-09-3, 22:05 ==

* {{Vandal|OLAYINKA WALIYAT}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:00, 3 September 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 00:01, 4 September 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-09-4, 11:56 ==

* {{Vandal|Travis34567}}
* {{Vandal|Ademayowa12}}

Cross-wiki spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:31, 4 September 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} by someone else and me. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 16:36, 4 September 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-09-4, 12:40 ==

* {{Vandal|We are going to get a Democratic President soon}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:46, 4 September 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} by someone else. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 16:36, 4 September 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-09-5, 11:55 ==

* {{Vandal|Jhonnycarmen}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:06, 5 September 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} by someone else, reported at [[:m:]]. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 12:21, 5 September 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-09-7, 02:38 ==

* {{Vandal|X UZBOT}}

[[Wikiquote:Username_policy#Inappropriate_usernames]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 03:29, 7 September 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 03:44, 7 September 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-09-7, 07:27 ==

* {{Vandal|Yellowstone Apparel}}
* {{Vandal|~2025-52117-2}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 07:33, 7 September 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} (IP not blocked as stale). —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 19:35, 9 September 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-09-7, 11:11 ==

* {{Vandal|Md Rafiul Islam Rafi (mrafiseo)}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:49, 7 September 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} by someone else. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 19:35, 9 September 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-09-7, 22:13 ==

* {{Vandal|Armoredcarcomedies}}
* {{Vandal|Luka Madhieu Kuot Mou}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 22:38, 7 September 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 19:36, 9 September 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-09-8, 12:52 ==

* {{Vandal|Arowolo1123}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:54, 8 September 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} by someone else, reported to stewards. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 19:39, 9 September 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-09-8, 12:54 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-55658-1}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:55, 8 September 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} by someone else. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 19:40, 9 September 2025 (UTC)
== Block evasion, POV-pushing white supremacist ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-51577-8}}

Block evasion; see [[Wikiquote:Administrators'_noticeboard/Archive/041#2001:8003:DC14::/48:_long-term_abuse_by_antisemitic_racist_extreme_right-wing_vandal_for_six_years|this recent noticeboard thread]] for context. [[User:Antandrus|Antandrus]] ([[User talk:Antandrus|talk]]) 15:08, 10 September 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 04:47, 15 September 2025 (UTC)
::{{replyto|Koavf}} Thanks, but it'd be better to block that temporary account for three months, which is how long they last ... that would literally only affect that user and would probably give both [[User:Antandrus|Antandrus]] and I more piece of mind. (As you can see, the temporary account encompasses the same user on multiple IP addresses). Poking at the underlying /64's of the IPV6 addresses (the ones with colons rather than dots) would also be completely safe). If I were you, I would also block [[Special:Contributions/~2025-57996-1|~2025-57996-1]] for three months as well (see below), just to cover all bases (as you can see the /64 used by that one is also used by ~2025-51577-8). [[User:Graham87|Graham87]] ([[User talk:Graham87|talk]]) 05:45, 15 September 2025 (UTC)
:::{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 15:05, 15 September 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-09-11, 12:13 ==

* {{Vandal|VinnyDove}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:13, 11 September 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} by someone else. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 04:45, 15 September 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-09-11, 12:23 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-56504-6}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:22, 11 September 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 04:46, 15 September 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-09-11, 20:18 ==

* {{Vandal|Patrick sigma}}

Likely a vandalism only account judging by the single edit. [[User:IanDBeacon|IanDBeacon]] ([[User talk:IanDBeacon|talk]]) 20:19, 11 September 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} by someone else. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 04:48, 15 September 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-09-12, 13:28 ==

* {{Vandal|InvoiceTempleApp}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 14:16, 12 September 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} globally. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 04:49, 15 September 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-09-13, 03:54 ==

* {{Vandal|Natieyamylostrealacc}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 04:51, 13 September 2025 (UTC)

:What do you mean by Vandalism? Why am I being pinged? [[User:Natieyamylostrealacc|Natieyamylostrealacc]] ([[User talk:Natieyamylostrealacc|talk]]) 14:26, 13 September 2025 (UTC)
:: I have seen [[:w:WP:YELL]] in [[special:permalink/3806533]] so I thought this is the case. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:16, 13 September 2025 (UTC)
:::I'm sorry, sir. I just put AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA in my page. I didn't know that I was breaking the rules. [[User:Natieyamylostrealacc|Natieyamylostrealacc]] ([[User talk:Natieyamylostrealacc|talk]]) 18:06, 14 September 2025 (UTC)
::::{{done}} Rare false positive, but understandable. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 04:39, 15 September 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-09-13, 05:23 ==

* {{Vandal|OmranTokhi7}}

Cross-wiki spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 06:04, 13 September 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} globally —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 04:51, 15 September 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-09-13, 23:16 ==

* {{Vandal|Leonard Ali}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:17, 13 September 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 04:55, 15 September 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-09-16, 11:10 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-62212-4}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:38, 16 September 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-09-16, 23:35 ==

* {{Vandal|MakingTheWorldBetter1977}}
* {{Vandal|SheSaidCampaign}}

VFD vote stacking at [[Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Shadan Kapri]] &amp; [[Talk:Shadan Kapri]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:37, 16 September 2025 (UTC)
: [[:m:Steward_requests/Checkuser/2025-09#MakingTheWorldBetter1977@en.wikiquote]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:37, 16 September 2025 (UTC)
:Is this your attempt to hide your sexism and misogyny??  Failed attempt. [[User:SheSaidCampaign|SheSaidCampaign]] ([[User talk:SheSaidCampaign|talk]]) 00:05, 17 September 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-09-17, 23:36 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-52999-8}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:36, 17 September 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-09-18, 00:00 ==

* {{Vandal|Noeruchan is worst, Thcsphuninh2006 is good}}

Vandalism only, troll username, some sort of LTA I think [[User:&amp;#126;delta|&amp;#126;delta]] ([[User talk:&amp;#126;delta|talk]]) 00:02, 18 September 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-09-18, 07:19 ==

* {{Vandal|Noeruchan are worst, Thcsphuninh2006 are best}}

Vandalism, LTA. [[User:Như Gây Mê|Như Gây Mê]] ([[User talk:Như Gây Mê|talk]]) 07:21, 18 September 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-09-18, 12:03 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-63753-0}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:02, 18 September 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-09-19, 03:54 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-63481-6}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 04:26, 19 September 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-09-19, 22:16 ==

* {{Vandal|Ayane Fumihiro is worst, ChanComThemPho is good}}

The individual's contributions make the obvious reason why. [[User:Apisite|Apisite]] ([[User talk:Apisite|talk]]) 22:17, 19 September 2025 (UTC)
: Locked globally. &lt;span style=&quot;display:inline-block;text-align:center;vertical-align:bottom;line-height:0.5em;&quot;&gt;~~&lt;nowiki/&gt;~~&lt;br/&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;font-size:0.7em;&quot;&gt;[[User:1234qwer1234qwer4]] ([[User talk:1234qwer1234qwer4|talk]])&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/span&gt; 22:46, 19 September 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-09-20, 10:55 ==

* {{Vandal|MehedisStoryland}}

[[:w:WP:NOTWEBHOST]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:43, 20 September 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-09-20, 14:38 ==

* {{Vandal|Happypengirl}}

looks like it could be vandalism. [[User:ᘙ|ᘙ]] ([[User talk:ᘙ|talk]]) 14:41, 20 September 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-09-12, 17:53 ==

* {{IPvandal|~2025-57996-1}}

https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Wikiquote:Vandalism_in_progress&amp;oldid=3806302#Block_evasion,_POV-pushing_white_supremacist

{{ping|Antandrus}}
{{ping|Graham87}}

[[User:ᘙ|ᘙ]] ([[User talk:ᘙ|talk]]) 18:10, 12 September 2025 (UTC)
:Thanks. If an admin sees this, can someone give me at least Temporary account IP viewer rights, so I can still see the IP addresses of the user involved? [[User:Antandrus|Antandrus]], you should probably get yourself these rights, but you have to request them specifically, per the Wikimedia Foundation [[wmf:Policy:Wikimedia Access to Temporary Account IP Addresses Policy|Wikimedia Access to Temporary Account IP Addresses Policy]]. This goes for everyone here. [[User:Graham87|Graham87]] ([[User talk:Graham87|talk]]) 18:55, 12 September 2025 (UTC)
::{{done}} I gave you six months, let me know if you need more, Graham. Thanks for all you do and have done. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 04:50, 15 September 2025 (UTC)
:::{{replyto|Koavf}} Thanks very much for the rights grant and the kind words. Could you please give them to me indefinitely? This user's been hanging around Wikiquote for at least five years (see [[User:Antandrus/sandbox]]) so I think I'd just be back here in another six months otherwise. Unless timed rights grants are more regular here or something. [[User:Graham87|Graham87]] ([[User talk:Graham87|talk]]) 04:59, 15 September 2025 (UTC)
::::{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 05:04, 15 September 2025 (UTC)

:::{{ping|Antandrus}} {{ping|Graham87}} can you check if [https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Special:Contributions/~2025-64984-0 this ] is the same user ? --[[User:ᘙ|ᘙ]] ([[User talk:ᘙ|talk]]) 11:02, 21 September 2025 (UTC)
::::{{replyto|ᘙ}} Thanks for the note. Don't think so. The IP doesn't match at all and the MO is a bit different. [[User:Graham87|Graham87]] ([[User talk:Graham87|talk]]) 11:56, 21 September 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-09-20, 20:45 ==

* {{IPvandal|~2025-67389-4}}

Looks like a sock puppet of banned user Defrenzel9. - [[User:FilmandTVFan28|FilmandTVFan28]] ([[User talk:FilmandTVFan28|talk]]) 21:30, 20 September 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-09-20, 22:35 ==

* {{IPvandal|~2025-52999-8}}

Creating tons of test pages, please nuke and block. [[User:Codename Noreste|Codename Noreste]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]]) 23:01, 20 September 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-09-21, 11:56 ==

* {{Vandal|ShantaHowladar}}

Long-term abuse. [[Special:CentralAuth/Mahichowdhury20]], Recreated [[Atikur Rahman Mahi]] ([[:w:Atikur Rahman Mahi]], [[:w:simple:Atikur Rahman Mahi]]). [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:09, 21 September 2025 (UTC)

:Globally locked [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 13:27, 21 September 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-09-22, 13:26 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-68209-1}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:46, 22 September 2025 (UTC)

:* {{done}} [[User:GreenMeansGo|&lt;span style=&quot;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#07CB4B&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#449351&quot;&gt;M&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#35683d&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/span&gt;]][[User talk:GreenMeansGo#top|&lt;sup style=&quot;color:#000;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;talk&lt;/sup&gt;]] 13:54, 22 September 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-09-22, 23:54 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-69132-7}}

Long-term abuse. [[Special:CentralAuth/Rayhanltd]], please see [[Riptech]] (founded by [[:w:simple:Sheikh Rayhan]]). [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:56, 22 September 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done}} by Lemonaka. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 04:15, 25 September 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-09-25, 01:59 ==

* {{Vandal|Jibikapexus}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 02:00, 25 September 2025 (UTC)
:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 04:20, 25 September 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-09-25, 02:00 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-26235-63}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 02:48, 25 September 2025 (UTC)
:{{Done|Blocked}} for one month. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 04:20, 25 September 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-09-25, 19:58 ==

* {{Vandal|Norbir2007}}

Already blocked, but has spam requiring deletion at [[User talk:Norbir2007]]. Edit filters prevent me from blanking the page. [[User:Rsjaffe|Rsjaffe]] ([[User talk:Rsjaffe|talk]]) 20:24, 25 September 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 23:07, 25 September 2025 (UTC) — page deleted.

== New report 2025-09-26, 11:14 ==

* {{Vandal|EsunFiber}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:09, 26 September 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-09-26, 23:42 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-63481-6}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:43, 26 September 2025 (UTC)
:{{Done|Blocked}} for one month. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 05:20, 27 September 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-09-29, 13:22 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-26549-07}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:27, 29 September 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} [[User:GreenMeansGo|&lt;span style=&quot;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#07CB4B&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#449351&quot;&gt;M&lt;/span&gt;&lt;span style=&quot;color:#35683d&quot;&gt;G&lt;/span&gt;&lt;/span&gt;]][[User talk:GreenMeansGo#top|&lt;sup style=&quot;color:#000;font-family:Impact&quot;&gt;talk&lt;/sup&gt;]] 14:07, 29 September 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-09-29, 22:58 ==

* {{Vandal|Purnikushi}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 22:58, 29 September 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 23:38, 29 September 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-09-29, 22:58 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-27085-60}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:00, 29 September 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 23:38, 29 September 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-09-29, 23:17 ==

* {{Vandal|Sunrise vs Moonrise, I'm Not Sunrise, I'm Moonrise}}
Vandalism. --[[User:Leonidlednev|Leonidlednev]] ([[User talk:Leonidlednev|talk]]) 23:23, 29 September 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 23:28, 29 September 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-10-1, 04:25 ==

* {{Vandal|Nice Blessings}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 04:25, 1 October 2025 (UTC)
:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 07:57, 1 October 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-10-1, 04:25 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-26900-10}}

Cross-wiki issues. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 04:26, 1 October 2025 (UTC)
:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 07:57, 1 October 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-10-1, 07:45 ==

* {{Vandal|88ipgcom1}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 07:45, 1 October 2025 (UTC)
:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 07:57, 1 October 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-10-1, 07:45 ==

* {{Vandal|Napaextra376}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 07:47, 1 October 2025 (UTC)
:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 07:57, 1 October 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-09-27, 15:10 ==

* {{Vandal|Allthedays}}

Blatantly bypassing the block placed on [[Shining Time Station]] and [https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Shining%20Time%20Station&amp;diff=prev&amp;oldid=3781520 inexplicably removing content] (though I suspect that the user is yet another sockpuppet of repeat vandal Fourlaxers, [https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=User%20talk:DawgDeputy&amp;diff=prev&amp;oldid=2229277 as he considers Schemer calling his mother &quot;Mommy&quot; childish] (every quote he removed, has even the smallest hint of Schemer referencing his mother), despite the fact that that is how the show was made and he cannot do anything about it). I request that he be blocked indefinitely with account creation permanently disabled, and a stronger and longer block be placed on the article. [[User:DawgDeputy|DawgDeputy]] ([[User talk:DawgDeputy|talk]]) 15:19, 27 September 2025 (UTC)
: Declined, Vandalism already stooped. If they start edits again, feel free to re-report. -[[user:Lemonaka|‎&lt;span style=&quot;color:blue; text-shadow:jet 0 0.2em 0.2em; font-family:Segoe Print; font-size: 13px&quot;&gt;'''Lemonaka'''‎&lt;/span&gt;]] 03:12, 4 October 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-10-2, 00:02 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-27393-88}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 00:03, 2 October 2025 (UTC)
: Indeffed after talk page abuse. -[[user:Lemonaka|‎&lt;span style=&quot;color:blue; text-shadow:jet 0 0.2em 0.2em; font-family:Segoe Print; font-size: 13px&quot;&gt;'''Lemonaka'''‎&lt;/span&gt;]] 03:11, 4 October 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-10-3, 12:24 ==

* {{Vandal|Rehmanmahidu}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:24, 3 October 2025 (UTC)
: Blocked and delete -[[user:Lemonaka|‎&lt;span style=&quot;color:blue; text-shadow:jet 0 0.2em 0.2em; font-family:Segoe Print; font-size: 13px&quot;&gt;'''Lemonaka'''‎&lt;/span&gt;]] 03:09, 4 October 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-10-4, 12:39 ==

* {{Vandal|Aroon596}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:40, 4 October 2025 (UTC)
: Blocked and delete. -[[user:Lemonaka|‎&lt;span style=&quot;color:blue; text-shadow:jet 0 0.2em 0.2em; font-family:Segoe Print; font-size: 13px&quot;&gt;'''Lemonaka'''‎&lt;/span&gt;]] 15:05, 4 October 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-10-6 18:13 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-27890-11}}

Creating vandalism pages. [[User:Tenshi Hinanawi|Tenshi Hinanawi]] ([[User talk:Tenshi Hinanawi|talk]]) 18:14, 6 October 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-10-7, 03:28 ==

* {{Vandal|Nehal Khan Jit}}
* {{Vandal|Nehal Khan Jit Chemist}}

crosswiki spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 03:29, 7 October 2025 (UTC)
:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 04:09, 7 October 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-10-9, 16:57 ==

* {{Vandal|Huynhthiminhngoc99 are amazingsssss}}
Long-term abuse. [[User:Leonidlednev|Leonidlednev]] ([[User talk:Leonidlednev|talk]]) 16:57, 9 October 2025 (UTC)

:(non-admin comment) Now globally locked. --[[User:Ferien|Ferien]] &lt;small&gt;([[User talk:Ferien|talk]])&lt;/small&gt; 17:07, 9 October 2025 (UTC)
::Blocked here as well now. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 17:34, 9 October 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-10-9, 23:20 ==

* {{Vandal|Misrut fridew}}

Long-term abuse. [[Special:CentralAuth/गुंडा]], [[:m:User:علاء/case2#Mohamed_AlAgha]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:22, 9 October 2025 (UTC)
: already locked. -[[user:Lemonaka|‎&lt;span style=&quot;color:blue; text-shadow:jet 0 0.2em 0.2em; font-family:Segoe Print; font-size: 13px&quot;&gt;'''Lemonaka'''‎&lt;/span&gt;]] 07:30, 10 October 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-10-10, 13:01 ==

* {{Vandal|2025-28348-18}}

Long-term abuse. [[Special:CentralAuth/SheSaidCampaign]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:02, 10 October 2025 (UTC)
:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 13:25, 10 October 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-10-10, 13:02 ==

* {{Vandal|Abidbanga}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:03, 10 October 2025 (UTC)
:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 13:27, 10 October 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-10-11, 12:35 ==

* {{Vandal|RalfP.Carreon78}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:35, 11 October 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} — globally blocked by someone else. ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 13:32, 12 October 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-10-12, 13:23 ==

* {{Vandal|Esimoio}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:23, 12 October 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} — blocked and pages deleted. ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 13:33, 12 October 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-10-13, 12:36 ==

* {{Vandal|Palhsn}}

Long-term abuse. [[:w:Wikipedia:Sockpuppet investigations/Mate Sam99/Archive]], contribution on [[Mai Vu Minh]] ([[:w:Mai Vu Minh]], [[:w:simple:Mai Vu Minh]]). [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:37, 13 October 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 12:38, 13 October 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-10-13, 19:06 ==

* {{IPvandal|~2025-28703-67}}

Vandalism. [[User:Tenshi Hinanawi|Tenshi Hinanawi]] ([[User talk:Tenshi Hinanawi|talk]]) 19:07, 13 October 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 20:40, 13 October 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-10-14, 11:48 ==

* {{Vandal|Adeosun 007}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:19, 14 October 2025 (UTC)
:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 12:44, 14 October 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-10-14, 23:05 ==

* {{Vandal|Escort Girls In Uae}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:33, 14 October 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 23:36, 14 October 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-10-15, 14:16 ==

* {{Vandal|Sri isoftwarez}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 14:17, 15 October 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} by another admin. ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 23:29, 15 October 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-10-18, 00:15 ==

* {{Vandal|Xewz}}

Long-term abuse. [[Special:CentralAuth/Would_build]], [[:m:User:علاء/case2#Mohamed_AlAgha]], [[Abdelnasser Abdelfattah]], [[Special:Diff/3823644]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 00:16, 18 October 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-10-18, 12:36 ==

* {{Vandal|Victoria1265}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:49, 18 October 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-10-18, 12:49 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-29255-18}}
Vandalism. [[User:Leonidlednev|Leonidlednev]] ([[User talk:Leonidlednev|talk]]) 19:00, 18 October 2025 (UTC)

:Note: [[Special:Contributions/~2025-29159-51|~2025-29159-51]] is the same person as this [[User:Thegoofhere|Thegoofhere]] ([[User talk:Thegoofhere|talk]]) 00:17, 19 October 2025 (UTC)
::{{Done}} [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 01:17, 19 October 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-10-19, 11:54 ==

* {{Vandal|Ahealthydivorce}}
* {{Vandal|Beyondarchitects7}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:55, 19 October 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done}} [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 18:59, 19 October 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-10-19, 11:55 ==

* {{Vandal|Alexdon10}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:58, 19 October 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done}} [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 19:00, 19 October 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-10-19, 11:58 ==

* {{Vandal|Goodhiredomestichelperinsingap}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:53, 19 October 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done}} [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 19:01, 19 October 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-10-19, 12:53 ==

* {{Vandal|Doublegcontractingpainting}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:56, 19 October 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done}} [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 19:01, 19 October 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-10-19, 12:56 ==

* {{Vandal|Goodhiredomestichelper}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:24, 19 October 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done}} [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 19:01, 19 October 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-10-20, 11:40 ==

* {{Vandal|Dacknight01}}

[[:w:WP:NOTWEBHOST]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:40, 20 October 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} by someone else it seems. —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 13:24, 20 October 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-10-20, 11:40 ==

* {{Vandal|KaiakSa}}

Long-term abuse. [[:w:Wikipedia:Sockpuppet investigations/Mate Sam99/Archive]] ([[Special:Contributions/Palhsn]], blocked by {{u|Koavf}}), contribution on [[Mai Vũ Minh]] ([[:w:Mai Vu Minh]], [[:w:simple:Mai Vu Minh]]). [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:44, 20 October 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done}} [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 12:32, 20 October 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-10-21, 11:52 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-29574-83}}

Long-term abuse. [[:w:Wikipedia:Sockpuppet investigations/Mate Sam99/Archive]] ([[Special:Contributions/Palhsn]], blocked by {{u|Koavf}}), contribution on [[Mai Vũ Minh]] ([[:w:Mai Vu Minh]], [[:w:simple:Mai Vu Minh]]). [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:28, 21 October 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done}} [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 16:59, 21 October 2025 (UTC)
::The page has been deleted. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 17:02, 21 October 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-10-23, 11:23 ==

* {{Vandal|Betjp88}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:08, 23 October 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 15:26, 24 October 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-10-24, 12:10 ==

* {{Vandal|AmeriSurgical}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:36, 24 October 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} blocked by another admin. ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 15:26, 24 October 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-10-24, 12:36 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-29918-98}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:40, 24 October 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 15:26, 24 October 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-10-24, 12:40 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-29926-75}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:41, 24 October 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 15:26, 24 October 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-10-25, 11:17 ==

* {{Vandal|Bel BZGIGI}}

Basic spam on two newly created talk pages (and on [[:meta:Talk:Wikiquote/fr]]). [[User:Lucas Werkmeister|Lucas Werkmeister]] ([[User talk:Lucas Werkmeister|talk]]) 11:22, 25 October 2025 (UTC)

:Now vandalizing the subject namespace too at [[Destiné doukaga]]. [[User:Lucas Werkmeister|Lucas Werkmeister]] ([[User talk:Lucas Werkmeister|talk]]) 13:54, 25 October 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-10-26, 05:41 ==

* {{Vandal|VedankTamrakar}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 05:42, 26 October 2025 (UTC)

:globally locked [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 11:42, 27 October 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-10-26, 18:55 ==

* {{IPvandal|2601:5C7:4100:3600:ADDC:867A:249D:753B/64}}

Extensive vandalism since earlier this month. [[User:NguoiDungKhongDinhDanh|NguoiDungKhongDinhDanh]] ([[User talk:NguoiDungKhongDinhDanh|talk]]) 19:55, 26 October 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} for one month. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 11:48, 27 October 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-10-27, 22:31 ==

* {{Vandal|Freeshops}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:08, 27 October 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-10-30, 08:39 ==

* {{Vandal|NyamericanJacket1}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 08:40, 30 October 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done}} [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 11:55, 30 October 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-10-30, 22:56 ==

* {{Vandal|Muzammal Shahzad}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 22:56, 30 October 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-11-1, 08:35 ==

* {{IPvandal|~2025-30266-26}}

Vandalism. [[User:ᘙ|ᘙ]] ([[User talk:ᘙ|talk]]) 08:36, 1 November 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-11-5, 11:26 ==

* {{Vandal|Charlotte Millerr}}

Cross-wiki link spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:19, 5 November 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 13:21, 5 November 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-11-7, 07:36 ==

* {{Vandal|Kitoinfocoms}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 07:36, 7 November 2025 (UTC)
:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 11:02, 7 November 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-11-7, 12:14 ==

* {{Vandal|Yanok7}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:34, 7 November 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done}} by UDScott. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 03:32, 8 November 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-11-7, 22:34 ==

* {{Vandal|Hasan061}}

Cross-wiki spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:17, 7 November 2025 (UTC)
:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 03:31, 8 November 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-11-8, 06:57 ==

* {{IPvandal|~2025-31580-72}}
* {{IPvandal|~2025-31052-57}}
* {{IPvandal|~2025-31358-44}}

I believe the following unregistered editors are all tied to the same end user. Whatever the case may be, these three are shown to consistently disruptively edit the [[Looney Tunes: Back in Action]] page to a version generally accepted to contain misleading content. There is an ongoing edit war over this issue.[[User:729MT|729MT]] ([[User talk:729MT|talk]]) 07:27, 8 November 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done}} [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 08:15, 8 November 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-11-8, 12:17 ==

* {{Vandal|Nutribray}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:17, 8 November 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-11-11, 12:20 ==

* {{Vandal|Md Tahamid Badhon}}

Cross-wiki spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:25, 11 November 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 13:52, 11 November 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-11-12, 12:40 ==

* {{Vandal|Dwakm}}

Cross-wiki spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:16, 12 November 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-11-12, 13:16 ==

* {{Vandal|Braden nekton 9}}

Cross-wiki spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:31, 12 November 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-11-12, 13:31 ==

* {{Vandal|SweepyMaids}}

Cross-wiki spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:54, 12 November 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-11-12, 14:27 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-32990-85}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 14:52, 12 November 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-11-12, 18:35 ==

* {{Vandal|2600:1005:B152:F260:5428:B3D5:CD09:6252}}

Classic vandalism. [[User:Left page|Left page]] ([[User talk:Left page|talk]]) 18:35, 12 November 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-11-13, 05:00 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-32982-32}}

spam, [[Special:CentralAuth/Braden_nekton_9]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 05:01, 13 November 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 05:48, 13 November 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-11-13, 08:21 ==

* {{Vandal|Usacarwash}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 09:04, 13 November 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-11-14, 12:12 ==

* {{Vandal|Americanplumbing}}

Spam, [[Special:Contributions/Americanplumbingservice]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:13, 14 November 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-11-13, 09:04 ==

* {{Vandal|MortleyT1}}

[[:w:WP:NOTWEBHOST]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 09:10, 13 November 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 04:28, 15 November 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-11-14, 13:16 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-33528-17}}

Vandalism, removed CSD tag, [[Special:Contributions/GMK7]] (Recreated [[Temperance Fitzgerald]]). [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:18, 14 November 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 04:33, 15 November 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-11-15, 3:46 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-33593-32}}

Vandalism-only account. [[User:Left page|&lt;span style=&quot;color:blue&quot;&gt;⬅️ '''Left page'''&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Left page|'''discuss''']]) 03:47, 15 November 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 04:35, 15 November 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-11-15, 12:37 ==

* {{Vandal|Mmusolan11}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:38, 15 November 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 14:37, 15 November 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-11-15, 15:39 ==

* {{Vandal|LastHappyhippo}}

Vandalism. [[User:Tenshi Hinanawi|Tenshi Hinanawi]] ([[User talk:Tenshi Hinanawi|talk]]) 15:39, 17 November 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-11-19, 13:15 ==

* {{Vandal|Proowrx}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:16, 19 November 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 15:19, 19 November 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-11-19, 13:16 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-34951-18}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 14:11, 19 November 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 15:22, 19 November 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-11-19, 22:55 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-34935-01}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 23:21, 19 November 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 00:48, 20 November 2025 (UTC) — account blocked for one year, created pages deleted.
== New report 2025-11-21, 12:27 ==

* {{Vandal|Kingasterisk technologies}}

Spam-only account. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:09, 21 November 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-11-21, 13:09 ==

* {{Vandal|GaniGashi11}}

Long-term abuse. [[Special:CentralAuth/Gani_Gashi_piktori]], [[Special:CentralAuth/Gani_Gashi_piktor]], [[Special:CentralAuth/Gani_Gashi_13]], [[Special:CentralAuth/Gani_Gashi_1944]]. Please see: [[:w:en:Wikipedia:Sockpuppet investigations/Gani Gashi piktor]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:44, 21 November 2025 (UTC)

:Subject: Strong Objection to Deletion – Gani Gashi Wikiquote Page
:Dear editors,
:I am writing to formally object to the proposed deletion of the Wikiquote entry for Gani Gashi, as the page clearly meets the core inclusion standards and contains verifiable, encyclopedic, and culturally relevant material.
:1. Notability and Encyclopedic Value
:Gani Gashi is a recognized contemporary painter whose work has been exhibited, published, and cited in multiple independent sources. His artistic contributions, style, and public presence are documented through reliable coverage in media, exhibitions, catalogues, and scholarly discussions. This satisfies Wikiquote’s and Wikipedia’s general notability guidelines.
:2. Published, Verifiable Quotations
:The quotations included on the page are:
:Published
:Verifiable
:Directly attributed
:Relevant to his artistic philosophy and public contributions
:This aligns precisely with Wikiquote’s purpose: to archive significant quotations from notable individuals whose work impacts culture, art, and public discourse.
:3. Cultural and Artistic Significance
:It is important to recognize that not all volunteers are familiar with regional art history or Balkan contemporary art. However, lack of personal familiarity with an artist cannot serve as grounds for deletion when reliable sources, verifiable quotations, and clear notability exist. Cultural representation on Wikiquote must remain broad and inclusive, not limited only to globally mainstream figures.
:4. No Policy-Based Reason for Deletion
:After reviewing the deletion rationale, I find:
:No concrete policy violation
:No issue with verifiability
:No issue with sourcing
:No copyright concern
:No demonstration that the subject is non-notable
:A deletion without a policy-based justification would go against Wikiquote’s mission of preserving notable cultural contributions.
:5. Request for Fair Review
:I respectfully request:
:A policy-based explanation if deletion continues to be considered
:A fair and neutral review of the sources and quotations
:That the page remain available, as it demonstrably meets inclusion criteria
:Unless clear and specific violations are identified, there is no valid reason under Wikiquote policy for the page to be deleted.
:Thank you for your time, neutrality, and commitment to maintaining a diverse and representative project.
:Kind regards,
:Sadete [[User:GaniGashi11|GaniGashi11]] ([[User talk:GaniGashi11|talk]]) 14:00, 21 November 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-11-21, 14:42 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-35203-22}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 14:54, 21 November 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} - blocked temporarily, but will keep an eye out for further issues. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 15:46, 21 November 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-11-22, 12:00 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-35534-39}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:26, 22 November 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} — blocked and created pages deleted. ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 19:40, 22 November 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-11-22, 21:33 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-35574-75}}

Vandalism. [[User:Tenshi Hinanawi|Tenshi Hinanawi]] ([[User talk:Tenshi Hinanawi|talk]]) 21:33, 22 November 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} — blocked. ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 21:51, 22 November 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-11-23, 11:43 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-35324-70}}

Vandalism-only account. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:43, 23 November 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 13:04, 23 November 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-11-23, 12:54 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-35620-26}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:59, 23 November 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 13:04, 23 November 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-11-24, 05:10 ==

* {{Vandal|ScoreProTips2025}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 05:55, 24 November 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 10:16, 24 November 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-11-24, 12:17 ==

* {{Vandal|Tsconect}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:06, 24 November 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-11-27, 08:58 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-36599-65}}

Vandalism. [[User:MasashiInoue|MasashiInoue]] ([[User talk:MasashiInoue|talk]]) 09:01, 27 November 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-11-28, 13:15 ==

* {{Vandal|VaughnAWamsley}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:19, 28 November 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-11-28 14:00 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-36976-34}}

Vandalism. [[User:Tenshi Hinanawi|Tenshi Hinanawi]] ([[User talk:Tenshi Hinanawi|talk]]) 13:59, 28 November 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-11-28 23:34 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-37162-45}}

Vandalism. [[User:Tenshi Hinanawi|Tenshi Hinanawi]] ([[User talk:Tenshi Hinanawi|talk]]) 23:34, 28 November 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-11-29, 12:54 ==

* {{Vandal|Bravobuilt35}}
* {{Vandal|68658ghgg}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:55, 29 November 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-12-1, 12:52 ==

* {{Vandal|Thapegador}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:13, 1 December 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 14:08, 1 December 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-12-2, 14:15 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-38000-68}}

Vandalism. [[User:Tenshi Hinanawi|Tenshi Hinanawi]] ([[User talk:Tenshi Hinanawi|talk]]) 14:14, 2 December 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 15:07, 2 December 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-12-2, 23:46 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-35880-43}}

Vandalism. [[User:Tenshi Hinanawi|Tenshi Hinanawi]] ([[User talk:Tenshi Hinanawi|talk]]) 23:46, 2 December 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} for 2 weeks. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 05:23, 3 December 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-12-4, 12:38 ==

* {{Vandal|LinaHayes25}}
* {{Vandal|Junohayes}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:39, 4 December 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-12-5, 13:03 ==

* {{Vandal|Matildasmit}}

Cross-wiki link spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:04, 5 December 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 18:23, 6 December 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-12-5, 13:04 ==

* {{Vandal|Beautifulmindhealth}}

Spam/advertising-only account. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:05, 5 December 2025 (UTC)
: '''Non-admin comment''': blocked indefinitely by UDScott. [[User:Codename Noreste|Codename Noreste]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]]) 18:22, 6 December 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-12-6, 09:31 ==

* {{Vandal|Maiqueiizz}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 09:44, 6 December 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 18:25, 6 December 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-12-7, 03:11 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-36599-65}}

Vandalism. [[User:Codename Noreste|Codename Noreste]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]]) 03:12, 7 December 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 07:40, 7 December 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-12-7, 19:30 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-39184-02}}

Vandalism. [[User:Codename Noreste|Codename Noreste]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]]) 19:30, 7 December 2025 (UTC)

:Blocked indefinitely. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 20:19, 7 December 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-12-8, 00:03 ==

* {{Vandal|M7 better, Hiyuune bad}}

LTA. [[User:Codename Noreste|Codename Noreste]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]]) 00:04, 8 December 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} — blocked. ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 01:13, 8 December 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-12-8, 00:04 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-39065-25}}

Vandalism. [[User:Codename Noreste|Codename Noreste]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]]) 00:05, 8 December 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} — blocked. ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 01:14, 8 December 2025 (UTC)
::{{replyto|Kalki}} Thanks very much for dealing with that vandalism. Could you (or any other admin who sees this) please block the underlying IP (which you can see as an admin and I can see as a temporary account IP viewer)? The underlying IP has several temporary accounts associated with it and has been blocked previously before the introduction of temporary accounts. Thanks! [[User:Graham87|Graham87]] ([[User talk:Graham87|talk]]) 04:35, 8 December 2025 (UTC)
:::{{Done|Blocked}} for 3 months. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 06:19, 8 December 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-12-14, 03:45 ==

* {{Vandal|Johnteyeministry}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 04:43, 14 December 2025 (UTC)
:{{done}} — blocked and spam pages deleted. ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 06:06, 14 December 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-12-14, 16:54 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-40578-15}}

Repeatedly inserted nonsense at [[The Simpsons]]. [[User:lp0 on fire|&lt;span style=&quot;color: #c56030&quot;&gt;lp0&amp;nbsp;on&amp;nbsp;fire&lt;/span&gt;]]&amp;nbsp;[[User talk:lp0 on fire|&lt;span style=&quot;color: #64cea0&quot;&gt;()&lt;/span&gt;]] 16:55, 14 December 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} for 2 weeks. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 17:09, 14 December 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-12-15, 12:18 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-27022-09}}
vandalism, e.g. at [[Frozen (2013 film)]] or [[SpongeBob SquarePants/Season 4]] [[User:lp0 on fire|&lt;span style=&quot;color: #c56030&quot;&gt;lp0&amp;nbsp;on&amp;nbsp;fire&lt;/span&gt;]]&amp;nbsp;[[User talk:lp0 on fire|&lt;span style=&quot;color: #64cea0&quot;&gt;()&lt;/span&gt;]] 12:38, 15 December 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 13:07, 15 December 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-12-15, 20:09 ==

* {{Vandal|Higashizakura vs Ternera, Ternera Best}}

LTA 404. [[User:Tenshi Hinanawi|Tenshi Hinanawi]] ([[User talk:Tenshi Hinanawi|talk]]) 20:09, 15 December 2025 (UTC)
: Globally locked by Bsadowski1. [[User:Codename Noreste|Codename Noreste]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]]) 20:15, 15 December 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-12-16, 12:45 ==

* {{Vandal|Supertech123}}

Cross-wiki link spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:46, 16 December 2025 (UTC)

:Globally locked. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 03:35, 17 December 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-12-18, 11:16 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-41607-99}}

Vandalism. [[User:lp0 on fire|&lt;span style=&quot;color: #c56030&quot;&gt;lp0&amp;nbsp;on&amp;nbsp;fire&lt;/span&gt;]]&amp;nbsp;[[User talk:lp0 on fire|&lt;span style=&quot;color: #64cea0&quot;&gt;()&lt;/span&gt;]] 12:02, 18 December 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 12:54, 18 December 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-12-18, 12:02 ==

* {{Vandal|Trends87}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:54, 18 December 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 12:55, 18 December 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-12-18 17:32 ==

* {{Vandal|Mosdaliodf}}

Vandalism. [[User:Tenshi Hinanawi|Tenshi Hinanawi]] ([[User talk:Tenshi Hinanawi|talk]]) 17:31, 18 December 2025 (UTC)
: {{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|Codename Noreste]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]]) 16:15, 19 December 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-12-19, 13:06 ==

* {{Vandal|Pirazhppouyaa}}

Cross-wiki spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:06, 19 December 2025 (UTC)
: {{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|Codename Noreste]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]]) 16:16, 19 December 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-12-14, 16:54 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-40578-15}}

Vandalism. [[User:Tenshi Hinanawi|Tenshi Hinanawi]] ([[User talk:Tenshi Hinanawi|talk]]) 16:54, 14 December 2025 (UTC)
: {{done}} by Saroj. [[User:Codename Noreste|Codename Noreste]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]]) 23:13, 20 December 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-12-15, 20:04 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-40913-54}}

Vandalism. [[User:Tenshi Hinanawi|Tenshi Hinanawi]] ([[User talk:Tenshi Hinanawi|talk]]) 20:04, 15 December 2025 (UTC)
: This is stale, please re-report if they continue vandalizing. [[User:Codename Noreste|Codename Noreste]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]]) 23:13, 20 December 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-12-19, 13:06 ==

* {{Vandal|HitoryCloud}}

spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:11, 19 December 2025 (UTC)
: {{done|Page deleted}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|Codename Noreste]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]]) 23:12, 20 December 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-12-20, 23:10 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-41906-72}}

Talk page nonsense. [[User:Tenshi Hinanawi|Tenshi Hinanawi]] ([[User talk:Tenshi Hinanawi|talk]]) 23:10, 20 December 2025 (UTC)
: {{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|Codename Noreste]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]]) 23:12, 20 December 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-12-24, 12:57 ==

* {{Vandal|0prestogroup}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:57, 24 December 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 13:40, 24 December 2025 (UTC)

== New report 2025-12-24, 12:57 ==

* {{Vandal|0sipconinstrument}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:01, 24 December 2025 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 13:40, 24 December 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-12-28, 10:48 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-43194-97}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:12, 28 December 2025 (UTC)

:{{done}} by global sysop. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 11:19, 28 December 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2025-12-29, 22:47 ==

* {{Vandal|~2025-43806-18}}

Vandalism. [[User:Tenshi Hinanawi|Tenshi Hinanawi]] ([[User talk:Tenshi Hinanawi|talk]]) 22:47, 29 December 2025 (UTC)
: {{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|Codename Noreste]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]]) 23:34, 29 December 2025 (UTC)
== New report 2026-01-1, 12:47 ==

* {{Vandal|Jeff32144}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:09, 1 January 2026 (UTC)
: Blocked by UDScott. [[User:Codename Noreste|Codename Noreste]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]]) 21:28, 1 January 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-01-1, 13:09 ==

* {{Vandal|Jeck321}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:16, 1 January 2026 (UTC)
: Blocked by UDScott. [[User:Codename Noreste|Codename Noreste]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]]) 21:29, 1 January 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-01-3, 08:35 ==

* {{Vandal|Stephen Ho 7}}

Vandalism, [[Special:Log/Stephen_Ho_7]], [[Special:Contributions/~2026-17814]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 08:37, 3 January 2026 (UTC)

:Blocked by Kalki. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 05:04, 4 January 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-01-4, 04:46 ==

* {{Vandal|TidesAreRisin}}

Long-term abuse. [[Special:CentralAuth/The_Doors_Jim_Morrison_Jr]], [[Special:CentralAuth/Jim_Morrison_II]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 04:48, 4 January 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 05:07, 4 January 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-01-6, 22:31 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-12186-1}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 22:32, 6 January 2026 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 22:54, 6 January 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-01-7, 17:27 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-14142-0}}

Vandalism. [[User:Tenshi Hinanawi|Tenshi Hinanawi]] ([[User talk:Tenshi Hinanawi|talk]]) 17:26, 7 January 2026 (UTC)
:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 17:51, 7 January 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-01-9, 12:10 ==

* {{Vandal|Gylawetudenipl12}}

Long-term abuse. Cross-wiki Spam. [[Special:CentralAuth/AmitMeena0000]], [[Special:Contributions/Babaf95832]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:01, 9 January 2026 (UTC)

:Globally locked. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 05:49, 11 January 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-01-10, 21:54 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-14254-3}}

Every change they had made to WQ has been rolled back. They are all vandalism. [[User:GrimRob|GrimRob]] ([[User talk:GrimRob|talk]]) 22:10, 10 January 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 05:48, 11 January 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-01-11, 02:38 ==

* {{Vandal|Bsndjfjsnskrty}}

Long-term abuse. [[Special:CentralAuth/Amitmeena7777]], Recreated [[Aman Meena]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 03:36, 11 January 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 05:48, 11 January 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-01-11, 05:49 ==

* {{Vandal|Sjjdiftjeuewwuwddd}}

Long-term abuse. [[Special:CentralAuth/Amitmeena7777]], created [[Technical 01]] used by [[Aman Meena]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 06:38, 11 January 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 08:03, 11 January 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-01-12, 01:02 ==

* {{Vandal|Tahbibmahmud}}

Long-term abuse. [[:w:Wikipedia:Sockpuppet investigations/Bet365aminul]], Recreated [[Ariyan Mehedi]], [[:w:en:Ariyan Mehedi]], [[:w:simple:Ariyan Mehedi]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 01:38, 12 January 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 04:41, 12 January 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-01-12, 07:31 ==

* {{Vandal|Hdapatna345}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 07:32, 12 January 2026 (UTC)

:{{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 08:05, 12 January 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-01-12, 07:54 ==

* {{Vandal|Katerichards1607}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 07:54, 12 January 2026 (UTC)

:{{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 08:04, 12 January 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-01-12, 08:05 ==

* {{Vandal|Ytgb5}}

Long-term abuse. [[Special:CentralAuth/Laxmi_Narayan_Maharana]]. Created [[Laxmi Narayan Maharana]], [[:w:en:Laxmi Narayan Maharana]], [[:w:simple:Laxmi Narayan Maharana]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 08:43, 12 January 2026 (UTC)

:{{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 12:08, 12 January 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-01-12, 21:47 ==

* {{Vandal|Moonschein07}}

Clearly only here to vandalize and not to build. [[User:03isrflo62410|03isrflo62410]] ([[User talk:03isrflo62410|talk]]) 21:48, 12 January 2026 (UTC)

:{{done}} by global sysop SHB2000. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 01:13, 13 January 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-01-13, 17:14 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-27365-4}}

Vandalism. [[User:Tenshi Hinanawi|Tenshi Hinanawi]] ([[User talk:Tenshi Hinanawi|talk]]) 17:14, 13 January 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} by Codename Noreste. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 17:36, 13 January 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-01-14, 20:47 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-30429-2}}
* {{Vandal|~2026-30143-3}}

LTA. [[User:Tenshi Hinanawi|Tenshi Hinanawi]] ([[User talk:Tenshi Hinanawi|talk]]) 20:47, 14 January 2026 (UTC)

:{{done}}. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 21:25, 14 January 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-01-15, 12:56 ==

* {{Vandal|Vinkion}}

Long-term abuse. [[Special:CentralAuth/Blirth]], [[Special:CentralAuth/AyanJohn]], [[Special:CentralAuth/SaifFullah]], Recreated [[Umar Jaum]], [[:w:en:Umar Jaum]], [[:w:simple:Umar Jaum]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:57, 15 January 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 13:05, 15 January 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-01-15, 13:05 ==

* {{Vandal|Zenithsttudyabroad}}

spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 14:03, 15 January 2026 (UTC)
:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 15:57, 15 January 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-01-17, 03:39 ==

* {{Vandal|Sccdggvdvkkrjjerfbvdcd}}

Long-term abuse. [[Special:CentralAuth/Sjjdiftjeuewwuwddd]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 03:52, 17 January 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 05:09, 17 January 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-01-17, 05:09 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-35659-4}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 05:59, 17 January 2026 (UTC)

:{{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 06:46, 17 January 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-01-18, 11:12 ==

* {{Vandal|Btbthhwvefjgtktjheeh}}

Spam, [[Special:Contributions/Sjjdiftjeuewwuwddd]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:13, 18 January 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 11:38, 18 January 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-01-18, 21:03 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-38539-8}}

Vandalism. [[User:Tenshi Hinanawi|Tenshi Hinanawi]] ([[User talk:Tenshi Hinanawi|talk]]) 21:03, 18 January 2026 (UTC)

:{{done|Blocked}} by Tanbiruzzaman. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 22:37, 18 January 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-01-23, 12:50 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-50327-5}}
* {{Vandal|~2026-50881-1}}
* {{Vandal|PbFwun}}

Long-term abuse, created page [[Realjjfrosh]] ([[:w:en:Realjjfrosh]], [[:w:simple:Realjjfrosh]], [[:w:en:Wikipedia:Sockpuppet investigations/Realjjfrosh]]) [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:30, 23 January 2026 (UTC)

:{{done|Page deleted}}. If any of these accounts attempt to create the page again, a block will be possible. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 01:23, 24 January 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-01-23, 23:45 ==

* {{Vandal|Deas-Fafa}}

Vandalism; see the page history for [[KPop Demon Hunters]] and [[Family Guy]]. [[User:03isrflo62410|03isrflo62410]] ([[User talk:03isrflo62410|talk]]) 23:45, 23 January 2026 (UTC)

:{{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 01:20, 24 January 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-01-27, 12:45 ==

* {{Vandal|Leatherchapo1}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:45, 27 January 2026 (UTC)

:{{done}} by Saroj. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 13:16, 27 January 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-01-27, 22:53 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-54571-5}}

Vandalism. [[User:Tenshi Hinanawi|Tenshi Hinanawi]] ([[User talk:Tenshi Hinanawi|talk]]) 22:53, 28 January 2026 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 23:59, 28 January 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-01-30, 13:56 ==

* [[Special:Redirect/logid/3644151]]
[[Wikiquote:Username_policy#Inappropriate_usernames]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:57, 30 January 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-01-30, 12:36 ==

* {{Vandal|Jontyx191}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:36, 30 January 2026 (UTC)

:Globally locked. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 15:57, 30 January 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-01-31, 11:45 ==

* {{Vandal|Constructxpert}}

Cross-wiki spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:45, 31 January 2026 (UTC)

:Globally locked. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 13:25, 31 January 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-01-31, 11:45 ==

* {{Vandal|Planit5}}

Cross-wiki spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:50, 31 January 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 13:27, 31 January 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-02-01, 21:46 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-71678-9}}

Vandalism. [[User:Tenshi Hinanawi|Tenshi Hinanawi]] ([[User talk:Tenshi Hinanawi|talk]]) 21:46, 1 February 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 05:34, 2 February 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-02-1, 22:38 ==

* {{IPvandal|2026-71678-9}}

Vandalism. [[User:03isrflo62410|03isrflo62410]] ([[User talk:03isrflo62410|talk]]) 23:02, 1 February 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 05:35, 2 February 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-02-01, 23:15 ==

* {{Vandal|ReggieRedPanda}}

Vandalism. [[User:Tenshi Hinanawi|Tenshi Hinanawi]] ([[User talk:Tenshi Hinanawi|talk]]) 23:15, 1 February 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} by Kalki. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 05:44, 2 February 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-02-10, 00:33 ==

* {{Vandal|Splendasofficial}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 01:15, 10 February 2026 (UTC)
:{{done}} ~ &lt;span style= &quot;border-radius:99em;color:white;background:silver&quot;&gt;♞[[User:Kalki/Kalkiswords|☤]][[User:Kalki/Magic|☮]]♌︎[[User:Kalki|Kalki]] [[User talk:Kalki|⚚]][[User:Kalki/index|⚓︎]]⊙[[User:Kalki/Chronology|☳]][[User:Kalki/Vox Box|☶]]⚡&lt;/span&gt; 01:53, 10 February 2026 (UTC) blocked, deleted spam.
== New report 2026-02-11, 19:03 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-93068-5}}

Vandalism by replacing words with emojis, continued after warning. [[User:lp0 on fire|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#c56030;background:inherit;&quot;&gt;lp0&amp;nbsp;on&amp;nbsp;fire&lt;/span&gt;]]&amp;nbsp;[[User talk:lp0 on fire|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#64cea0;background:inherit&quot;&gt;()&lt;/span&gt;]] 19:04, 11 February 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 19:08, 11 February 2026 (UTC)
::@[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] For inof: The \64 range block expired yesterday.I have blocked the range again. [[User:WikiBayer|WikiBayer]] ([[User talk:WikiBayer|talk]]) 19:11, 11 February 2026 (UTC)
:::Thanks, WikiBayer. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 19:14, 11 February 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-02-13, 13:21 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-97201-6}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:22, 13 February 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} for 1 week. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 13:54, 13 February 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-02-14, 07:39 ==

* {{Vandal|Govariabletechai}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 07:39, 14 February 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 08:01, 14 February 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-02-15, 08:06 ==

* {{IPvandal|~2026-10157-68}}

Vandalism, [[Special:Contributions/~2026-97201-6]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 08:36, 15 February 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely; /64 range also blocked. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 10:00, 15 February 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-02-16, 16:27 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-10523-70}}

Vandalism. [[User:Tenshi Hinanawi|Tenshi Hinanawi]] ([[User talk:Tenshi Hinanawi|talk]]) 16:27, 16 February 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 17:34, 16 February 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-02-17, 18:03 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-10693-96}}

Vandalism. [[User:Tenshi Hinanawi|Tenshi Hinanawi]] ([[User talk:Tenshi Hinanawi|talk]]) 18:03, 17 February 2026 (UTC)

:{{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 18:05, 17 February 2026 (UTC)
::Thanks for handling this. I've also blocked the IP for 3 months, as it was the same user reported above. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 18:12, 17 February 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-02-20, 14:19 ==

* {{Vandal|Tanishalux}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 14:21, 20 February 2026 (UTC)
:{{done}} - deleted and blocked. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 14:30, 20 February 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-02-20, 14:03 ==

* {{Vandal|Digitalitstore}}

[[Wikiquote:Username_policy#Inappropriate_usernames]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 14:03, 20 February 2026 (UTC)
:{{Done}} (by someone else) - deleted and blocked. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 15:27, 20 February 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-02-20, 14:03 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-11450-48}}

Vandalism, [[Special:Contributions/~2026-77860-7]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 14:19, 20 February 2026 (UTC)
:{{done}} - deleted and blocked. ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 14:27, 20 February 2026 (UTC)
::I went ahead and blocked the underlying /24 range. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 16:05, 20 February 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-02-22, 09:23 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-11652-80}}

Please block the underlying /64 IP range of this user for several months (it's a /64 so only one device will be on it). It's long-term abuse from our resident extreme right-wing vandal (see [[Wikiquote:Administrators' noticeboard/Archive/041#2001:8003:DC14::/48: long-term abuse by antisemitic racist extreme right-wing vandal for six years]]). [[User:Graham87|Graham87]] ([[User talk:Graham87|talk]]) 10:26, 22 February 2026 (UTC)

:{{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 14:03, 22 February 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-02-22, 12:46 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-11769-06}}
* {{Vandal|HappyStephenUSA (Version 7)}}
Vandalism, Recreated [[Five Point Clientele]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:33, 22 February 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done}} [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 15:38, 22 February 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-02-23, 11:35 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-11989-11}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:35, 23 February 2026 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 17:20, 23 February 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-02-23, 12:14 ==

* {{Vandal|Apoorvkohli}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:52, 23 February 2026 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 17:20, 23 February 2026 (UTC)


== New report 2026-02-24, 03:21 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-12130-66}}

Vandalism. [[User:Tenshi Hinanawi|Tenshi Hinanawi]] ([[User talk:Tenshi Hinanawi|talk]]) 03:21, 24 February 2026 (UTC)

:{{done}} —[[User:Koavf|Justin (&lt;span style=&quot;color:grey&quot;&gt;ko'''a'''vf&lt;/span&gt;)]]&lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;❤[[User talk:Koavf|T]]☮[[Special:Contributions/Koavf|C]]☺[[Special:Emailuser/Koavf|M]]☯&lt;/span&gt; 03:28, 24 February 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-02-26, 13:46 ==

* {{Vandal|Kiel Bednar}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 14:42, 26 February 2026 (UTC)
:{{done}} ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 15:44, 26 February 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-02-27, 02:07 ==

* {{Vandal|Sommers The Holy Knight}}

Long-term abuse (Zjholder/Reversi). [[User:NX3710|NX3710]] ([[User talk:NX3710|talk]]) 02:15, 27 February 2026 (UTC)

:Nevermind, user is globally locked now. [[User:NX3710|NX3710]] ([[User talk:NX3710|talk]]) 03:37, 27 February 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-03-2, 12:50 ==

* {{Vandal|Eutechrecruit}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:20, 2 March 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 13:30, 2 March 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-03-2, 13:20 ==

* {{Vandal|Sicsallc}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:21, 2 March 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 13:30, 2 March 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-03-2, 13:21 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-13367-78}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:23, 2 March 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 13:30, 2 March 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-03-3, 16:21 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-13772-04}}

Vandalism. [[User:Tenshi Hinanawi|Tenshi Hinanawi]] ([[User talk:Tenshi Hinanawi|talk]]) 16:21, 3 March 2026 (UTC)

:{{done}}. User blocked and article protected for three months. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 16:38, 3 March 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-03-5, 13:16 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-14175-37}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:20, 5 March 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 13:43, 5 March 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-03-5, 18:28 ==

* {{Vandal|Rsfsdfd}}

Vandalism. [[User:Tenshi Hinanawi|Tenshi Hinanawi]] ([[User talk:Tenshi Hinanawi|talk]]) 18:28, 5 March 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 18:58, 5 March 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-03-7, 06:54 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-14650-58}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 07:22, 7 March 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 07:31, 7 March 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-03-9, 15:14 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-15017-41}}

LTA. [[User:Tenshi Hinanawi|Tenshi Hinanawi]] ([[User talk:Tenshi Hinanawi|talk]]) 15:14, 9 March 2026 (UTC)
: {{done}} ~ [[User:UDScott|UDScott]] ([[User talk:UDScott|talk]]) 15:24, 9 March 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-03-8, 08:39 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-14739-24}}

Vandalism. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 09:01, 8 March 2026 (UTC)

:Blocked globally by a steward. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 21:38, 10 March 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-03-13, 20:51 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-16223-35}}

Vandalism. [[User:Tenshi Hinanawi|Tenshi Hinanawi]] ([[User talk:Tenshi Hinanawi|talk]]) 20:51, 13 March 2026 (UTC)

:{{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 01:32, 14 March 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-03-18, 12:07 ==

* {{Vandal|Michealikwi}}

Long-term abuse. [[Special:CentralAuth/Realjjfrosh]]. Recreated [[Realjjfrosh]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:47, 18 March 2026 (UTC)

:Already globally locked by Barras. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 13:54, 18 March 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-03-19, 11:28 ==

* {{Vandal|Akshaysharmaavs}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:28, 19 March 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 13:31, 19 March 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-03-19, 11:28 ==

* {{Vandal|IBlogFlare}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 11:30, 19 March 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} by UDScott. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 13:32, 19 March 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-03-20, 01:19 ==

* {{Vandal|Edwin Cole Lee ecll}}

Long-term abuse, [[Special:Contributions/Edwin_ColeLee987654]]. Recreated [[Edwin Cole Lee]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 02:14, 20 March 2026 (UTC)

:Account is globally locked. [[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 06:27, 20 March 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-03-21, 07:17 ==

* {{Vandal|AlMuqarramIndustry}}

[[Wikiquote:Username_policy#Inappropriate_usernames]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 07:18, 21 March 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 07:56, 21 March 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-03-23, 18:51 ==

* {{Vandal|韓英雄戴上蘋果手錶來攻打台灣}}

Vandalism. [[User:Tenshi Hinanawi|Tenshi Hinanawi]] ([[User talk:Tenshi Hinanawi|talk]]) 18:52, 23 March 2026 (UTC)

:{{done}} by GreenMeansGo. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 22:01, 23 March 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-03-26 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-18366-74}} 

Epstein abuse. [[User:GrimRob|GrimRob]] ([[User talk:GrimRob|talk]]) 20:46, 26 March 2026 (UTC)

:{{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 00:24, 27 March 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-03-29, 12:33 ==

* {{Vandal|Hollandadvocaten01}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:33, 29 March 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 12:35, 29 March 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-03-31, 12:37 ==

* {{Vandal|Ali raza 41306}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:38, 31 March 2026 (UTC)

:{{done}} by UDScott. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 12:48, 31 March 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-03-31, 12:48 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-14588-11}}

Temp address who has done some pretty suspecious edits: take [[Special:Diff/3906458|this]] edit on My Little Pony: Equestria Girls for one, with a scene that doesn't exist in the original (evident because of the swearing which isn't in the film proper). There's also [[Special:Diff/3922034|this]] edit on the Total Drama page featuring two deleted scenes which don't exist at all (and feature characters who AREN'T from Total Drama). [[Special:Diff/3472605|A similar edit]] was done a couple years back on the Total Drama Action page, featuring the same selection of characters (and whoever &quot;1Smash18&quot; is), so it's obvious this person is SoulEaterFan (some edit summaries insist that &quot;SoulEaterFan doesn't exist&quot;, but evidence suggests otherwise.  [[User:03isrflo62410|03isrflo62410]] ([[User talk:03isrflo62410|talk]]) 13:24, 31 March 2026 (UTC)
: I blocked the underlying range. Thanks. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 04:02, 6 April 2026 (UTC)

== New report 2026-03-31, 13:24 ==

* {{Vandal|Petrowien}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:36, 31 March 2026 (UTC)
: Page deleted by GreenMeansGo. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 04:00, 6 April 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-04-6, 20:28 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-21266-04}}

A lot of vandalism especially on talk pages. --[[User:Ferien|Ferien]] &lt;small&gt;([[User talk:Ferien|talk]])&lt;/small&gt; 21:03, 6 April 2026 (UTC)
: I've blocked them from the article and talk namespaces for a month. If needed, it can be expanded to a site-wide block. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 23:41, 6 April 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-04-13, 00:14 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-21744-59}}

IP address showing similar behavior to Evilasio da Paz (SoulEaterFan). Targeted two separate My Little Pony pages; [[Special:Diff/3927068|one such edit]] restored a number of quotes commonly added by SEF; [[Special:Diff/3926975|the other edit]] also added quotes commonly added by SEF. It also [[User talk:MilkyZap|accused a completely unrelated user of being SoulEaterFan]] even though the user it accused was only reverting the edit done by SoulEaterFan. [[User:03isrflo62410|03isrflo62410]] ([[User talk:03isrflo62410|talk]]) 00:19, 13 April 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 01:41, 13 April 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-04-13, 02:32 ==

* {{Vandal|MilkyZap}}

Sockpuppet of Evilasio da Paz/SoulEaterFan; confirmed through [[Special:Diff/3927612|this edit]] on the page documenting various socks and [[Special:Diff/3927604|this edit]] where it removed my report on ANOTHER SEF sock. [[User:03isrflo62410|03isrflo62410]] ([[User talk:03isrflo62410|talk]]) 02:34, 13 April 2026 (UTC)

:{{Done|Blocked}} indefinitely. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 02:38, 13 April 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-04-6, 03:30 ==

* {{Vandal|~2026-20174-32}}

Please block the underlying IP of this user for several months (there shouldn't be too much collateral damage from blocking that one IP, but there's a rangeblock on it on the English Wikipedia). It's long-term abuse from our resident extreme right-wing vandal (see [[Wikiquote:Administrators' noticeboard/Archive/041#2001:8003:DC14::/48: long-term abuse by antisemitic racist extreme right-wing vandal for six years]]). Thanks. [[User:Graham87|Graham87]] ([[User talk:Graham87|talk]]) 03:48, 6 April 2026 (UTC)
: I blocked the underlying range. If you need me to adjust the block or the range, email me. Thanks. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 03:59, 6 April 2026 (UTC)
:: CC @[[User:Graham87|Graham87]] to my response above. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 14:56, 16 April 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-04-24, 12:41 ==

* {{Vandal|Adetoro muiz4}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 12:42, 24 April 2026 (UTC)
: {{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 13:09, 24 April 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-04-24, 12:54 ==

* {{Vandal|Toni Tagiam}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:02, 24 April 2026 (UTC)
: {{done|Globally locked}} by MarcGarver until 2027-04-24. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 16:01, 24 April 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-04-24, 15:11 ==

* {{Vandal|Owolabi Habeeb ola}}

Spam. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 15:18, 24 April 2026 (UTC)
: {{done}}. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 16:44, 26 April 2026 (UTC)
== New report 2026-05-6, 12:31 ==

* {{Vandal|Sdfclothing}}

[[Wikiquote:Username_policy#Inappropriate_usernames]]. [[User:MathXplore|MathXplore]] ([[User talk:MathXplore|talk]]) 13:29, 6 May 2026 (UTC)
: {{done}}, and their only article creation was speedily deleted. [[User:Codename Noreste|&lt;span style=&quot;color:#0024FF&quot;&gt;Codename Noreste&lt;/span&gt;]] ([[User talk:Codename Noreste|talk]] • [[Special:Contributions/Codename Noreste|contribs]]) 15:32, 7 May 2026 (UTC)</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Tyla</title>
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      <comment>Non of your business!</comment>
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      <text bytes="4700" sha1="qfovci7y7gb3ufnoe4tilx8n573i41n" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Tyla Seethal 2022 a.png|thumb|Tyla Laura Seethal in 2026Yesterday at 13:36At South Africa, Durban in146 Wyebank road]]
'''[[w:Tyla|Tyla Laura Seethal]]''', mononymously known as '''Tyla''', (29 January 2000) is a South African singer and songwriter. Her musical style is characterised by a fusion of [[w:Pop music|pop]] and [[w:amapiano|amapiano]], with many publications dubbing her &quot;[[w:Honorific nicknames in popular music|Queen of Popiano]]&quot;.Tyla Laura Seethal known in our hearts forever is an inspiration to young children and is committed and dedicated to be an inspirational and unique singer who shares her passion to the world. Tyla is friends with Olivia Dean, Kira Kosarin, Zara Larsson and Peyton list. She won 2 Grammy awards, 5 EGOT, 3 Tony, and 4 Oscar from her Netflix show or movie, A Nonsense Christmas with Sabrina Carpenter. She is a well trained martial arts and Taekwondo.  

== Tyla's commitment ==
* I’ve just become someone who has a whole different level of pride for my home and where I come from. I'm proud to be a native South African person and citizen of a wonderful country. 
* I grew up with a love for all types of sounds and never wanted to be tied down to one. Music was my personal favorite and my commitment
* I want to become the new reference and the start of something new.
* When I was small, I was convinced that I was the best dancer. I never had dance classes but I would always try out all different forms of dance, from belly dancing to krumping, and now amapiano type dancing. I’m still learning but my love for dancing runs deep.
* I wanna eventually buy my parents their dream home and make sure they don’t need to work another day in their life.
** Dunn, Frankie (3 April 2021). [https://i-d.co/article/south-africa-popstar-tyla-getting-late-interview/ &quot;Tyla is on a mission to become South Africa's biggest popstar&quot;]. ''i-D''. Vice.
* I would tell everybody that I was going to be a pop star. My parents hoped I would grow out of it, but I never did. No matter who asked me what I wanted to be, I’d always say singer. My answer never changed.
* I’m very determined. Tyla adds of her desire for further international success. If I want something, I make sure I get it. There’s a point where things become hard and you wonder if it’s going to work. But I always knew that things were going to work out eventually.
* I always know what I want and I trust [myself]. I also love collaborating and sharing other people’s ideas because everybody has something different. You never know, because initially with ‘Been Thinking’ it was a bit further into pop than I was used to, but I warmed up to it and recorded everything and it was great. That’s happened a lot where I’ve been worried or questioning certain things, but once I’ve done it I’ve ended up liking it, so I’m open to learning.
* I love it — it’s what I wanted. I’m super-proud of myself. I know this is the time when I’m just starting, but I know that it’s also the time when I have to really work because I want to make my home proud. It’s a lot to put on your shoulders, but that’s what I want. I really want eyes on all African artists in general, because we need more attention.
** Campbell, Erica (8 March 2023). [https://www.nme.com/features/music-interviews/tyla-amapiano-south-africa-been-thinking-getting-late-radar-3408832 &quot;Tyla: &quot;I really want eyes on all African artists, because we need more attention&quot;&quot;]. NME.
* I have always been a big dreamer, but obviously my parents and family will tell me to be realistic. It’s very rare that we get these opportunities in SA. Growing up, I used to watch a lot of Michael Jackson and Rihanna concerts; I loved it and wanted to do that. We are very close as a family and they are so proud, they get excited and it’s a whole celebration.
** Tjiya, Emmanuel (9 June 2023). [https://www.sowetan.co.za/s-mag/fashion-beauty/2023-06-09-tyla-the-girl-next-door/ &quot;Tyla: The girl next door&quot;]. ''The Sowetan''.
* They didn’t want me to be disappointed if things didn’t go my way. But I was so adamant. I was going to make it happen no matter what.
** Fetto, Funmi (18 February 2025). [https://www.vogue.co.uk/article/tyla-british-vogue-interview &quot;“I Know I Can Do It All”: How South African Sensation Tyla Brought The World To Its Feet&quot;]. British ''Vogue''.

== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}

[[Category:2002 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Women from South Africa]]
[[Category:Pop singers]]
[[Category:Grammy Award winners]]
[[Category:Singer-songwriters from South Africa]]
[[Category:Women singers]]
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  <page>
    <title>Tsehaytu Beraki</title>
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      <comment>−[[Category:Women from Eritrea]]; ± 2 categories using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]]</comment>
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      <text bytes="3112" sha1="ajc5gnwf4upi78xpcimnxsvn0x4c8pj" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Tsehaytu Beraki|Tsehaytu Beraki]]''' (Tigrinya: ጽሃይቱ በራኺ; 1 September 1939 – 24 May 2018) was an Eritrean musician, poet and political activist, known for her singing and playing of the krar (a five-string harp).

== Quotes==
=== “Love for one country is Incomparable” Eritrea’s Tsehaytu Beraki (2014) ===
:&lt;small&gt;[http://www.qienit.com/love-for-one-country-is-incomparable-eritreas-tsehaytu-beraki/ “Love for one country is Incomparable” Eritrea’s Tsehaytu Beraki],retrieved on February, 2014&lt;/small&gt;

*My aunt once told us that five krars had been made in Port Sudan; one stayed there, one was sent to Egypt and my aunt brought three to Asmara. One for the legend Ato Berhane Segid, one for Hollanda, the daughter of Halima Konti, and the third on my aunt kept for herself and stored it above the cupboard in our home. My niece Meeraf was very tall and we always asked her to get the krar down for us. So she would fetch the instrument and also she knew how to tune it and all the kids at home would play on it one by one

*My favourite song is Freweini. It is a song about Eritrea, but it also tells about a mother. Love is always loved, one doesn’t forget it. But love for one country is incomparable. A mother and your own country is basically the same.

*But by 1973, the political situation got worse. People didn’t feel safe anymore, they felt uneasy and scared. These were difficult times in Asmara.

== Quotes about her==
*I admire Tsehaytu not only because of her songs but also for the important role she played in the national struggle. I am beyond words to describe the beauty of her voice in spite of her age.
** [[Dehab Faytinga]], [http://www.qienit.com/love-for-one-country-is-incomparable-eritreas-tsehaytu-beraki/ “Love for one country is Incomparable” Eritrea’s Tsehaytu Beraki],26 February, 2014

*At the time Tsehaytu played music on her own, though she was a woman. On her own she was equal to any band. This has earned her a good name up to this moment. She was courageous and disliked slavishness and did not bow down to anyone. She sang many traditional, love and nationalist songs.Said [http://www.qienit.com/jaber-mahmoud-the-most-versatile-tigre-singer/ Jaber Mahmoud] 
** [http://www.qienit.com/love-for-one-country-is-incomparable-eritreas-tsehaytu-beraki/ “Love for one country is Incomparable” Eritrea’s Tsehaytu Beraki],26 February, 2014

*I found Tsehaytu by coincidence in Rotterdam, Holland, discouraged and not playing much anymore. I build her a new krar and after some practice sessions, we decided to record the CD together. There isn¹t really much Eritrean music recorded, from those days.
** [http://www.eritrea.be/old/tsehaytu-beraki.htm Tsehaytu Beraki - Selam], By Terrie Ex

== External links==
{{Wikipedia}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Beraki, Tsehaytu}}
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[[Category:Poets from Eritrea]]
[[Category:Women authors from Eritrea]]
[[Category:Political activists]]
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  <page>
    <title>Billene Seyoum</title>
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      <text bytes="1829" sha1="amu7gutpnnpniloify2ct3acxtu923d" xml:space="preserve">'''[[wikipedia:Billene_Seyoum|Billene Seyoum Woldeyes]]''' ([[wikipedia:Amharic_language|Amharic:]] ቢለኔ ሥዩም ወልደየስ; born 1982) is an Ethiopian politician, poet and author who is serving as the Foreign Press Secretary for the Office of Prime Minister of Ethiopia since 5 November 2018. Billene speaks as the prime minister's foreign spokesperson in English.

== Quotes ==

* '''Interviewer''':  Anything else you would like to share?&lt;br&gt;'''Billene Seyoum:'''I consider myself a feminist and not afraid to claim the word despite the perception it draws in people’s minds. In this regard, I encourage people to seek to understand before concluding.
** [https://awibethiopia.org/spotlight/billene-seyoum-woldeyes-inspiring-through-grace-and-willpower/ Billene Seyoum Woldeyes inspiring through grace and willpower] Retrieved 2 April 2025

* '''Interviewer:''' What leisure time activities are you involved with? (You are also known for writing poetry and engaging in activities that promote gender equality)&lt;br&gt;'''Billene Seyoum:'''I absolutely love hiking and trekking and seize opportunities to do so whenever I can. I consistently write poetry and now perform every month. However, writing poetry is not a leisurely activity for me – rather it is a continuous artistic exhalation to that endured and experienced in the inner realm. [Billene has been writing since the age of 12].
** [https://awibethiopia.org/spotlight/billene-seyoum-woldeyes-inspiring-through-grace-and-willpower/ Billene Seyoum Woldeyes inspiring through grace and willpower] Retrieved 2 April 2025

== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Seyoum, Billene}}
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[[Category:Living people]]
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[[Category:People from Algeria by occupation]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Abena Brigidi</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>288664</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3942498</id>
      <parentid>3700007</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-05-18T19:44:55Z</timestamp>
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      <comment>−[[Category:Women from Ghana]]; ± 2 categories using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]]</comment>
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      <text bytes="2209" sha1="nomcdgvls6msvdjzzgzqsygjl0ya4zo" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Abena Brigidi|Abena B. Brigidi|]]''' (Mrs.) is a [[Ghanaian]] investment [[Analysis|analyst]] [[Authors|author]] and [[speaker]]. She is a certified financial analyst and a thoroughly bred banker with over a decade in the financial Industry.

== Quotes ==
=== &quot;ABENA BRIGIDI: A commitment to Exceeding Expectations and Working Extra Hard&quot; (2020) ===
:&lt;small&gt;[https://www.amazonswatchmagazine.com/exclusive-qa/abena-brigidi-a-commitment-to-exceeding-expectations-and-working-extra-hard/# &quot;ABENA BRIGIDI: A commitment to Exceeding Expectations and Working Extra Hard&quot;],© 2020,ABENA BRIGIDI&lt;/small&gt;

* Our unique makeup as women makes it very difficult and challenges our ability to function easily in a male dominated environment.
* a mother, to be able to achieve success in a professional job there is a fundamental need to be supported by your husband and free more roles on the domestic chores.
* My drive has always been to exceed expectation there, by not just meeting targets but exceeding it.

=== &quot;Abena Brigidi on Y LeaderBoard Series: The story of the fiery Investment Banker&quot; (2021) ===
:&lt;small&gt;[https://yfmghana.com/abena-brigidi-on-y-leaderboard-series-the-story-of-the-fiery-investment-banker/ &quot;Abena Brigidi on Y LeaderBoard Series: The story of the fiery Investment Banker&quot;],June 19, 2021, by Y1079fm&lt;/small&gt;

* I was born into a huge family; we’re 63 in number. And growing up, I had to defend myself from my brothers and that taught me how to stand up for myself in the outside world.
* Every Ghanaian has the ability to invest but procrastination is what is keeping everyone from attaining financial independence.
* For you to be able to create wealth, you need to be able to plan, you need to be disciplined, you need to have information and also you need to monitor. Without discipline, you can never be a millionaire.
* You cannot say you want to sacrifice career over family or sacrifice family for your career. You’ve got to balance it and that is what I did.

== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Brigidi, Abena}}
[[Category:Businesswomen from Ghana]]
[[Category:Non-fiction authors from Ghana]]
[[Category:Women authors from Ghana]]
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  <page>
    <title>The Ren &amp; Stimpy Show/Season 4</title>
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        <id>3101673</id>
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      <comment>/* Ren Needs Help! [4.12b] */</comment>
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      <text bytes="10470" sha1="3c7p4prlv667ed7r3b4bvu44pq74xc6" xml:space="preserve">{{italic title}}
{{Ren &amp; Stimpy header}}
'''''[[w:The Ren &amp; Stimpy Show|The Ren &amp; Stimpy Show]]''''' is an American animated television series created by John Kricfalusi for '''''[[W:Nickelodeon|Nickelodeon]]'''''. The series follows the adventures of titular characters Ren, an emotionally unstable chihuahua, and Stimpy, a good-natured, dimwitted cat.

==Season 4==

===''Hermit Ren'' [4.01]===
:''[Ren is playing blackjack with his three personalities]''
:'''Ren''': Hey! You're trying to cheat!
:'''Ren's Anger''': Yeah? Your whole ''life's'' a cheat!
:'''Ren's Fear''': He's the cheat!
:'''Ren's Ignorance''': Did somebody say ''cheese?!'' ''[belches]''
:''[The argument intensifies, causing Ren to go mad]''
:'''Ren''': STOP! ''[flips the table]'' Who are you? You're not my friends. You're just here to trick me, so you can steal all my stuff. Well, I'm onto ya. ''[grabs the mummy]'' Stand back! One false move, and the mummy gets it! I know all about your plot. Yeah, yeah. You're all in it together. Each and every one of you... Sleepin' in my gravel bed! Eatin' all my SAND...! Well, here's somethin' you can REALLY have! HI-YAH! ''[starts smashing the mummy apart]''

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Ren's Anger''': Oh no! The Hermit Union Leader!
:'''Jasper''': Alright, this is a bust! YOU! ''[points to Ren]'' You broken the cardinal rule of Hermitude. Companionship. And what's with all these imaginary friends! You're violating the law. EXPOSED! YOU are officially kicked out of the Hermit Union! ''[Fades to outside, Jasper ripped his beard off Ren. Jasper salutes Ren, Ren carrying mud Stimpy and walking to home. Jasper salutes, Ren's anger, fear and Ignorance salutes as well, Mummified Bog Man salutes too, Oldman Farmer Hoek salutes and Salesman salutes too and even bats salutes as well. Fades to Cowhouse, Ren looks at Cowhouse and he opens it]''
:'''Stimpy''': Giddyup, horsey! Giddyup! ''[Ren looks at Stimpy dressed up as a lady with Mud Ren]'' Ren! You're back! ''[smiles]''
:'''Ren''': So, I turned my back for 10 years and you found yourself another chihuahua! ''[Stimpy was sad and gets an idea]''
:'''Stimpy''': Ahem! But, Ren. ''[Ren looks at Mud Stimpy]''
:'''Ren''': Oh. ''[chuckles]'' Sure. Well, it's great to be back, BUDDY! ''[Ren hugs Stimpy, Mud Ren and Mud Stimpy was winking at the viewers smiley and hugs together. The two iris was closing completely at the end of the episode]''

===''House of Next Tuesday'' [4.02a]===

===''A Friend In Your Face!'' [4.02b]===

===''Blazing Entrails'' [4.03a]===

===''Lumber Jerks'' [4.03b]===
:'''Ren''': I, Ren Höek, learned nature can be cruel. But I can be crueler! ''[laughs maniacally]'' Kill the tree! Kill the tree! Kill, kill! ''[laughs maniacally again]'' I love being a lumberjack.

===''Prehistoric Stimpy'' [4.04a]===

===''Farm Hands'' [4.04b]===

===''Magical Golden Singing Cheeses'' [4.05a]===

===''A Hard Day's Luck'' [4.05b]===

===''I Love Chicken'' [4.06a]===
:'''Ren''': Hey! Where the heck's my-?! ''[sees that Stimpy has been kissing his chicken]'' My chicken! ''[growls]'' MY CHICKEN AND MY BEST FRIEND! Skulkers in the DARK! Did you think I wouldn't notice!? The stuffing on your collar at night?! The drippings on the carpet?! The gravy on the couch?! I want my chicken dinner, AND I WANT IT NOW!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stimpy''': ''[comes to Ren]'' Ren, what are you eating?
:'''Ren''': ''[gulps]'' I was eating some delicious chicken sausages. ''[uses a toothpick]''
:''[The camera zooms at Stimpy starts to being sad and the background becomes blue. The scene cuts at bed where Stimpy cries. 6 Months Later...]''
:'''Ren''': ''[opens the door]'' Stimpy? I'm sorry I ate your chicken, it wasn't that good, I wasn't so glad to ask. ''[smiles]''

===''Powdered Toast Man Vs. Waffle Woman'' [4.06b]===

===''It's A Dog's Life'' [4.07a]===

===''Eggyölkeo'' [4.07b]===
:'''Ren''': Hammering my eggs just doesn’t thrill me like it used to. ''[bird squawk]'' I put off the eggs off the crumb-heads to their [[w:Asia|Asia,]] and yet I’m not thrilled… ''[cries]'' Oh, father. Why not I will blast within air… That’s when you came in my pet project! ''[pulls off the fabric]'' Oh my beautiful account of yolk, ''[hugs a bunch of scrambled eggs]'' I will mole you and make me do my old dreamy image! ''[The eggs fall and the scene fades to black. Ren makes a son out of eggs]'' Come, my child. I will help you… so that you’ll have sight and snitch to see, I give you a splendid press eyes. So to keep your head warm so it’s not to catch a chill, I give you a lock of my- ''[pulls off his hair]'' Chum! And so you’ll have wisdom and witch to think: Lock off my- brain! ''[scoops out his brain]'' But you are incomplete... Wait! of course I forgot: My assistant Stimpy will complete the final edition. Stimpleton! ''[Stimpy runs all the way to the Egg Smithee, while carrying a man, back at the Egg Smithee as Ren looks at Stimpy]'' Finally, do you have that man?
:'''Stimpy''': Yes, friend... ''[lifts up the fabric and yanks out the man's clothes]'' Ah, here are those cleaning tips that you wanted, Renwaldo!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Ren''': ''[wakes up]'' Uh-oh. ''[sniffs]'' That smells like- Bacon! ''[runs to the fridge]'' Egg Yölkeo! Oh... No-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho...
:''[The scene irises out as the title says &quot;'''TO BE CONTINUED...'''&quot;]''

===''Double Header'' [4.08a]===
:'''Stimpy''': ''[after waking up in the hospital after their second accident]'' What about Ren?
:'''Ren''': Here, you idiot! ''[Ren is stitched together on Stimpy's behind]'' My face is killing me!
:'''Doctor''': The important thing is, you are alive, and you have each other. Have some lunch.
:'''Stimpy''': My favorite! Barbecued Boston baked beans! ''[Iris out as Ren quivers with fear, and a farting noise is heard]''

===''The Scotsman in Space'' [4.08b]===

===''Pixie King'' [4.09a]===

===''Aloha Hoëk'' [4.09b]===

===''Insomniac Ren'' [4.10a]===

:'''Haggis''': What are you doing in bed, Höek? We've got to tee off in ten minutes!
:'''Ren''': I'm sorry, fellas. I haven't had too much sleep lately. ''[laughs]''
:'''Muddy''': Ya lousy bum! Who's gonna drive?
:'''Mr. Horse''': Let's get outta here.
:'''Ren''': Wait. ''[pulls money out]'' I'll give five whole bucks to anyone who could just knock me out.
:'''Stimpy''': ''[excited]'' FIVE BUCKS?!
:'''Trio''': FIVE BUCKS?! ''[pulls out golf clubs]''
:'''Ren''': ''[laughs, then Insanely]'' Nighty-night!
:'''Haggis''': Fore!
:''[banging sounds, all four leave with money in their hands]''
:'''Muddy''': Gotta work on that slice.
:'''Stimpy''': ''[at front of the screen quietly]'' Shhh, Ren's taking a coma. ''[sticks out tongue and walks away tip-toeing]''

===''My Shiny Friend'' [4.10b]===
:''[After Ren takes Stimpy to &quot;someplace where [he] won't hurt [himself] any longer&quot;, [i.e., their house's basement] he has a nightmare about Muddy Mudskipper and TV]''
:'''Stimpy''': Hey, Muddy, what are you going to do with that mallet? Muddy, I'm your friend!
:'''Muddy''': AH-HA! ''[hits Stimpy with the mallet, hard, resulting in a cranial eruption, with Stimpy groaning in pain]'' Give the bum a big hand! ''[audience laughs]''
:'''Stimpy''': ''[tossing and turning]'' What are you?
:'''Muddy''': You're a bum!
:'''Stimpy''': But Muddy, I love you!
:'''Muddy''': A lousy, stinking BUM! ''[Stimpy tossing and turning again. He turns into a TV set]'' You're a BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM!
:'''Stimpy''': ''[falls helplessly into Muddy's mouth, followed by Muddy chomping his mouth shut. He wakes up from his nightmare]'' MUDDY! ''[runs up a winding staircase to the attic, which has a barred window]'' Lord, help me. ''[begins to cry]'' I WANT MY TV! ''[Ren doesn't hear him and he's fallen asleep]''

===''Cheese Rush Days'' [4.11a]===

===''Weiner Barons'' [4.11b]===

===''Galoot Wranglers'' [4.12a]===

===''Ren Needs Help!'' [4.12b]===
:'''Ren''': Excuse me. I have to go end it all.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Stimpy''': Hello? Shady Brain Farm? '''''REN NEEDS HELP!!!'''''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ren''': ''[laughs]'' That's very funny. Creamed corn... AND MORE CREAMED CORN... I can't eat this SLOP! There's only one thing I hate more than creamed corn, and that's...
:'''Fire Chief''': Cheese?
:''[Yak goes crazy and grates his butt clean off]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ren''': Look at you! You're freaks! You guys aren't crazy! You're just stupid! I got it all figured out! You're all prawns on the chess board!
:'''Yak''': Gee!
:'''Ren''': ''[to Fire Chief]'' And you! You're not mad! You're just suffering from a post-dramatic schizoholic brain blister!
:'''Fire Chief''': Wow!
:'''Ren''': ''[to Muddy Mudskipper]'' And you! Just a mere victim of an undissolved childhood hemorrhoidic offense mechanism!
:'''Muddy''': Say!
:'''Ren''': Gentlemen, start your embolisms!

===''Ol' Blue Nose'' [4.13a]===

===''Stupid Sidekick Union'' [4.13b]===
:''[Baboon has become Ren's co-star]''
:'''Ren''': ''[trembles with fear during the taping of an episode]'' Who left this wildebeest carcass on my good sofa...? ''[gulps]'' This really makes me mad... Baboon...? ''[Baboon runs up to him]'' You've really made me angry this time... ''[Baboon growls]'' I'm gonna have to hit ya... You... stupid... ''[covers his eyes and smacks Baboon's nose. Baboon roars and starts mauling him]''

===''Superstitious Stimpy'' [4.14a]===
:'''Ren''': Is that my beef carcass?
:'''Stimpy''': Yes it is, Ren! Beef carcasses are very lucky you know, once we immerse it in common house o-bile!
:'''Ren''': WHAT?! THAT MEAT GOES IN MY MOUTH, NOT IN YOUR BILE!
:'''Stimpy''': ''[stammers]'' But... but, Ren...Tuesday...17! 
:''[Ren punches Stimpy to the ground and proceeds to lift up the beef carcass and, with a grunt, tosses it back in the house through the window, where it lands on their bed]''
:'''Stimpy''': NO! You've done it now, Ren! It's TERRIBLE bad luck to toss your carcass on the bed!
:'''Ren''': I wave my shiny red keister in the face of you and your stuper-stitions!
:'''Stimpy''': ''[horrified]'' No, Ren! It's bad juju to blaspheme!
:'''Ren''': ''[evilly]'' Juju, eh? Ooh, I'm so scared! The big bad juju's gonna get me. COME ON, JUJU! I'M CALLING YOU OUT! ''[gets struck by lightning]'' Ow, ow, ow, ow...
:'''Stimpy''': Gee, Ren, I guess you didn't know it was unlucky to-
:'''Ren''': GET IN THE HOUSE!
:'''Stimpy''': ''[scared]'' Yes, sir! ''[runs back into the house]''

===''Travelogue'' [4.14b]===</text>
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    <title>The Taking of Pelham 123 (2009 film)</title>
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      <text bytes="13285" sha1="0fyb91hp5akuq5q9yg1y9a7lg1pej67" xml:space="preserve">[[File:R62A 6 train leaving Brooklyn Bridge-City Hall.jpg|thumb|Garber! When you put your socks on this morning did you ever think?]]

{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:The Taking of Pelham 123 (2009 film)|The Taking of Pelham 123]]''''' is a [[w:2009 in film|2009]] American action thriller film about a train dispatcher, who is pressed into the role of negotiator after a criminal hijacks a subway car of passengers. It is the third film adaptation of the [[w:Morton Freedgood|John Godey]] novel of the same name (following the ''[[The Taking of Pelham One Two Three (1974 film)|1974 theatrical film]]'' and 1998 television film).  
:''Directed by [[w:Tony Scott|Tony Scott]]. Written by [[w:Brian Helgeland|Brian Helgeland]], based on [[w:The Taking of Pelham One Two Three (novel)|the novel]] by [[w:Morton Freedgood|John Godey]].''

[[File:Denzel Washington at the 2025 Cannes Film Festival.jpg|thumb|So is this how you thought the day was going to end, huh? When you put your socks on this morning? Huh?]]
[[File:John Travolta Deauville 2013 2.jpg|thumb|You're just like me, Garber. I fueled this city, I fed it breakfast every morning, and now we're the bad guys! I don't think so! I DON'T FUCKING THINK SO!]]
[[File:&quot;sleeper agent&quot; gun, 2014.jpg|thumb|You know, we all owe God a death.]]
[[File:Manhattan Bridge.JPG|thumb|You're my goddamn hero.]]
[[File:Flag of the Mayor of New York City.svg|thumb|You know, just about every day I make a speech. And it starts with, &quot;I'd like to thank you on behalf of the City of New York,&quot; blah, blah, blah- and I never know who I'm thanking or why. But you... did a hell of a thing today. You went to bat for the City of New York. And on behalf of me, I'd like to thank you. And I want you to know, that tomorrow, the City of New York is going to go to bat for you. And the City has a very good batting average.]]

{{film-stub}}
== Dialogue ==
:'''Ryder''': Pelham 123. To rail control center, do you read me? 
:'''Walter Garber''': Yes. I read you, Pelham 123, this is control center. Who is this? 
:'''Ryder''': [chuckles] It's me, man. I didn't want to call til everything was ready. 
:'''Walter Garber''': [Realizes something's off and that's not Jerry Pollard he's speaking to] I understand. I understand, Pelham 123. Who the hell is this? 
:'''Ryder''': This is the man who's gonna rock this city. This is the man who's gonna give this city a run for the money. Now, look up. Look up at your screen and you tell me what you see. You see what I've done?
:'''Walter Garber''': I see it. 
:'''Ryder''': One car is much more manageable than 10 with the manpower i got. Mr. Motorman is gonna tell you all about it [to Jerry Pollard] Tell him what we got here. 
:'''Jerry Pollard''': They, they got hostages, lots of them, and they got machine guns. 
:'''Ryder''': Yeah, that's right, check me, do you understand that? 
:'''Walter Garber''': I check, i understand. 
:'''Ryder''': Good, because this is what we call a cash transaction. Now, you understand commodities don't you? You know, pork bellies? Gold? Light crude? 
:'''Walter Garber''': Listen, no disrespect, but maybe i'm not the guy you should be talking to. 
:'''Ryder''': Oh, no. You are exactly the guy I want to talk to. Now, I want you to look at the ticker, and you tell me what is the going rate for a New York City hostage today? You think a million dollars is too much? I do. I think it's corny. Now get your calculator out, you got one? Do you have a calculator? 
:'''Walter Garber''': Yeah, we got one. I got one. 
:'''Ryder''': Okay, good. Add this up. You got $526,315 and 79 cents. That's 526,315,79. Now, times that by 19. What do you got? What do you got? 
:'''Walter Garber''': That comes out to 10 million, plus 1 cent. 
:'''Ryder''': Oh! That is a deal. You call the mayor and you tell him the price. And then you tell him i want it in 100,000 $100 bills, you got that? 
:'''Walter Garber''': I got it. What about the one cent? 
:'''Ryder''': You keep that. That's your broker fee. Now, I want the rest in plain suitcases. The kind with the wheels and the portable handle, okay? Now, this is not a futures contract. This is a spot trade. That means there's a time limit on it. Okay, you got that? Now, what do you think is a fair time limit? 
:'''Walter Garber''': You know, I don't know. I'm really just a guy...
:'''Ryder''': Come on, give me a time limit. Give me a fair time limit. 
:'''Walter Garber''': Thursday. 
:'''Ryder''': I was thinking more like an hour. Now what does your watch say? 
:'''Walter Garber''': 2:13
:'''Ryder''': Oh, that's exactly what my watch says. So at 3:13, I want that money here, motherfucker! And after that, there is a late fee. What do you think that late fee is gonna be? Come on, tell me what it'll be.  
:'''Walter Garber''': You're gonna kill the passengers? 
:'''Ryder''': Oh, commodities is what i start to kill. One for every minute, past the deadline I am forced to wait. Now they become more valuable this way, and still at the same price. Now, what's your name? I didn't get your name. What's your name, my man? 
:'''Walter Garber''': My name? 
:'''Ryder''': What's your name?
:'''Walter Garber''': Garber.
:'''Ryder''': Garber. Okay. Now, seriously, man. In 59 minutes, I'm gonna start killing passengers. So my advice to you is to get on the phone, get the mayor notified now. 
:'''Walter Garber''': Listen. I mean, I'm just a civil service employee. I can't get a hold of the mayor. 
:'''Ryder''': But it's your problem, man. Not mine! It's like, who's responsible for who lives and who dies in New York! That's New York City's problem! GET THE FUCK OFF THE RADIO, AND NOTIFY THE MAYOR, MOTHERFUCKER!!!
:'''Walter Garber''': Okay. 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Walter Garber''': Pelham 123, come in. This is rail control center, are you there? 
:'''Ryder''': Gerber, baby boy. What's up. 
:'''Walter Garber''': Garber. Just wanted to let you know that the mayor has been notified. 
:'''Ryder''': They gonna pay? 
:'''Walter Garber''': I don't know. I'm just the, what do you call me, the broker. 
:'''Ryder''': No, no no. You represent the city of New York right now, buddy. 
:'''Walter Garber''': Well, I can tell you that you're dealing with one of the all time bureaucracies, i know that. I mean, it takes time. 
:'''Ryder''': Well, you better fix the bureaucracy! Because when the time comes, these motherfuckers, these hostages, are gonna go real quick! 
:'''Walter Garber''': You got it, you got it. Any other demands? 
:'''Ryder''': Yeah, well, no fucking Pizza for them either, man!
:'''Walter Garber''': No, I mean, are you guys like...are you terrorists? 
:'''Ryder''': Do I sound like a terrorist? Do I terrorize you? 
:'''Walter Garber''': Actually, you don't. But, i mean, not that i've ever talked to one. So, what? This is just about money? 
:'''Ryder''': Oh, is there anything else? 
:'''Walter Garber''': There's not dying. 
:'''Ryder''': Yeah, well, you know, you live, you die, you either go with the current or you fight it, you all end up in the same place. 
:'''Walter Garber''': Where's that? Jersey? 
:'''Ryder''': Yeah, you watch it. I was born there man.
:'''Walter Garber''': I'm just saying, you're up in the motorman's cab. That means you're on the radio, which means that you're an easy target. You gotta know the drill.
:'''Ryder''': Yeah, I know that soon I won't be alone. And if I'm the first to get shot, I'm the first of many to get shot.
:'''Walter Garber''': That's correct. But then you'd still be dead. 
:'''Ryder''': [chuckles] Dead is an improvement on a lot of things I can think of, buddy boy. You know, we all owe God a death. And I'm a man who pays his debts. Are you a man who pays his debts?
:'''Walter Garber''': Yeah, yeah, sure. TV, cable, and my mortgage. That's a little like dying once a month.
:'''Ryder''': Oh, you're married. You're a married man. 
:'''Walter Garber''': Maybe. 
:'''Ryder''': No, no, no. You're married, man. Married men have mortgages.
:'''Walter Garber''': What about you? You got a mortgage? 
:'''Ryder''': Well, I don't know, Garber. Why don't you tell me and then we'll both know. 
:'''Walter Garber''': I don't know. I'm sure someone out there loves you dearly and you know, would be worried about you. Like I said, you're in the motorman's cab, you got no cover, sniper on the way.
:'''Ryder''': Well, you know, circumstances are my protection. Because right now, you know, hostages are good insurance by the way i see it. I'm pretty well protected. You know, this reminds me of being in a confessional. 
:'''Walter Garber''': Are you Catholic? I'm married, you're Catholic.
:'''Ryder''': Maybe, I don't know. 
:'''Walter Garber''': No, you're Catholic. And a Catholic, a good catholic, would know that he's got a train load of innocent people. I mean, you don't wanna kill innocent people, do you? 
:'''Ryder''': No, no no. I good Catholic knows that nobody is innocent! And I'm not gonna kill all these hostages, that'll give up my leverage! 
:'''Walter Garber''': Well, I hope you know what you're doing. 
:'''Ryder''': Well, it's running like a fucking Swiss watch down here, so don't worry about it! 
:'''Walter Garber''': So, what do I call you, anyway? 
:'''Ryder''': Call me &quot;Ryder&quot;. 
:'''Walter Garber''': As in &quot;Train Rider&quot;?
:'''Ryder''': Call me &quot;Ryder&quot; with a Y. Ryder. I like you, Garber. [chuckles] I do like you, man. You may be the last friend I ever make. 
:'''Walter Garber''': Well, I hope you're wrong, Mr. Ryder. But, uh. You know, I'm just a guy. I'm just a guy at the other end of the mic. 
:'''Ryder''': Oh, you don't think this was meant to be? You don't think this was fate, you and me?
:'''Walter Garber''': I don't know. You know, things happen that lead to other things, maybe this is one of them, but that's it. I never get excited about coincidence. 
:'''Ryder''': Well, you got 50 fucking minutes. So, check me. 
:'''Walter Garber''': Alright. 50 minutes. Check. 
:'''Ryder''': And don't call me unless you got news. 
:'''Walter Garber''': You got it. 
:'''Ryder''': (puts the walkie talkie down) Motherfucker! 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:''[Garber tracks down and confronts Ryder as he walks across the Manhattan Bridge]''
:'''Walter Garber''': RYDER! Don't move! So is this how you thought the day was gonna end, huh? When you put your socks on this morning? Huh? 
:'''Ryder''': This make you feel better, Garber? That make everything okay now? 
:'''Walter Garber''': No! But it's a start! Don't move! [Garber crosses the tracks and to the gate where Ryder is standing] Don't move! [to approaching NYPD officers] HEY!  [Garber uses his hand to bring them over to come arrest Ryder]
:'''Ryder''': Garber, baby boy- I ain't goin' back to prison.
:'''Walter Garber''': I don't think you got any more options, now, or leverage. [Ryder takes off his sunglasses]
:'''Ryder''': We all owe God a death; I told you that.
:'''Walter Garber''': You're wrong, Ryder; we owe God a life.
:'''Ryder''': Life, and that's the life I gave you back today. And now you have to give me something back.
:'''Walter Garber''': What are you talking about?
:'''Ryder''': You got a gun in your hand, I want you to use it. Shoot me. No, Shoot me before they shoot me, or I'm gonna kill you.
:'''Walter Garber''': I will shoot you. I don't wanna but I will. ''[to approaching NYPD officers]'' Hey!
:'''Ryder''': I THOUGHT YOU CARED!!! 
:'''Walter Garber''': No! 
:'''Ryder''': You said- &quot;Ryder, Ryder, don't you care? Don't you have anyone who cares-&quot; I thought that was ''you''! COME ON, MAN, PAY IT BACK!!!
:'''Walter Garber''': I am not gonna shoot you!
:'''Ryder''': Alright, I'm gonna give it a ten, then the deal's off. I got a gun. I'm gonna use it. I'm gonna take your life back. COME ON, MAN!!! Ten, nine, eight, seven, six- fi--you gonna take this down to zero?! COME ON, MOTHERFUCKER!!! SHOOT ME!!!
:'''Walter Garber''': I AM NOT GOING TO SHOOT YOU!!!
:'''Ryder''': Five, four, COME ON!!! three-
:'''NYPD Officer''': Police, drop your weapon!
:'''Ryder''': I'm disappointed in you. Two- ''[Ryder draws his pistol, about to use it, but Garber fatally shoots him in the chest]'' You're my goddamn hero. [Ryder falls dead]
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Mayor''': Mr. Garber! Interesting day, huh?
:'''Garber''': Yes, sir.
:'''Mayor''': You know, just about every day I make a speech. And it starts with, &quot;I'd like to thank you on behalf of the City of New York,&quot; blah, blah, blah- and I never know who I'm thanking or why. But you... did a hell of a thing today. You went to bat for the City of New York. And on behalf of me, I'd like to thank you.
:'''Garber''': You're welcome. I mean- it's been an amazing day, everybody's been thanking me, but- I appreciate it. You're welcome.
:'''Mayor''': And I want you to know, that tomorrow, the City of New York is going to go to bat for you. And the City has a very good batting average.

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|1111422|The Taking of Pelham 123}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Taking of Pelham 123, The}}
[[Category:2009 American films]]
[[Category:Action thriller films]]
[[Category:Crime thriller films]]
[[Category:Films about hijackings]]
[[Category:Films set on trains]]
[[Category:Films set in New York City]]
[[Category:Remake films]]
[[Category:Films based on American novels]]</text>
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      <text bytes="13328" sha1="jqeh9qqmyykq9fhzdst6viyvywzle7q" xml:space="preserve">[[File:R62A 6 train leaving Brooklyn Bridge-City Hall.jpg|thumb|Garber! When you put your socks on this morning did you ever think?]]

{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:The Taking of Pelham 123 (2009 film)|The Taking of Pelham 123]]''''' is a [[w:2009 in film|2009]] American action thriller film about a train dispatcher, who is pressed into the role of negotiator after a criminal hijacks a subway car of passengers. It is the third film adaptation of the [[w:Morton Freedgood|John Godey]] novel of the same name (following the ''[[The Taking of Pelham One Two Three (1974 film)|1974 theatrical film]]'' and 1998 television film).  
:''Directed by [[w:Tony Scott|Tony Scott]]. Written by [[w:Brian Helgeland|Brian Helgeland]], based on [[w:The Taking of Pelham One Two Three (novel)|the novel]] by [[w:Morton Freedgood|John Godey]].''

[[File:Denzel Washington at the 2025 Cannes Film Festival.jpg|thumb|So is this how you thought the day was going to end, huh? When you put your socks on this morning? Huh?]]
[[File:John Travolta Deauville 2013 2.jpg|thumb|You're just like me, Garber. I fueled this city, I fed it breakfast every morning, and now we're the bad guys! I don't think so! I DON'T FUCKING THINK SO!]]
[[File:&quot;sleeper agent&quot; gun, 2014.jpg|thumb|You know, we all owe God a death.]]
[[File:Manhattan Bridge.JPG|thumb|You're my goddamn hero.]]
[[File:Flag of the Mayor of New York City.svg|thumb|You know, just about every day I make a speech. And it starts with, &quot;I'd like to thank you on behalf of the City of New York,&quot; blah, blah, blah- and I never know who I'm thanking or why. But you... did a hell of a thing today. You went to bat for the City of New York. And on behalf of me, I'd like to thank you. And I want you to know, that tomorrow, the City of New York is going to go to bat for you. And the City has a very good batting average.]]

{{film-stub}}
== Dialogue ==
:'''Ryder''': Pelham 123. To rail control center, do you read me? 
:'''Walter Garber''': Yes. I read you, Pelham 123, this is control center. Who is this? 
:'''Ryder''': ''[chuckles]'' It's me, man. I didn't want to call til everything was ready. 
:'''Walter Garber''': ''[Realizes something's off and that's not Jerry Pollard he's speaking to]'' I understand. I understand, Pelham 123. Who the hell is this? 
:'''Ryder''': This is the man who's gonna rock this city. This is the man who's gonna give this city a run for the money. Now, look up. Look up at your screen and you tell me what you see. You see what I've done?
:'''Walter Garber''': I see it. 
:'''Ryder''': One car is much more manageable than 10 with the manpower I got. Mr. Motorman is gonna tell you all about it. ''[to Jerry Pollard]'' Tell him what we got here. 
:'''Jerry Pollard''': They, they got hostages, lots of them, and they got machine guns. 
:'''Ryder''': Yeah, that's right, check me, do you understand that? 
:'''Walter Garber''': I check, I understand. 
:'''Ryder''': Good, because this is what we call a cash transaction. Now, you understand commodities don't you? You know, pork bellies? Gold? Light crude? 
:'''Walter Garber''': Listen, no disrespect, but maybe I'm not the guy you should be talking to. 
:'''Ryder''': Oh, no. You are exactly the guy I want to talk to. Now, I want you to look at the ticker, and you tell me what is the going rate for a New York City hostage today? You think a million dollars is too much? I do. I think it's corny. Now get your calculator out, you got one? Do you have a calculator? 
:'''Walter Garber''': Yeah, we got one. I got one. 
:'''Ryder''': Okay, good. Add this up. You got $526,315 and 79 cents. That's 526,315,79. Now, times that by 19. What do you got? What do you got? 
:'''Walter Garber''': That comes out to 10 million, plus 1 cent. 
:'''Ryder''': Oh! That is a deal. You call the mayor and you tell him the price. And then you tell him I want it in 100,000 $100 bills, you got that? 
:'''Walter Garber''': I got it. What about the one cent? 
:'''Ryder''': You keep that. That's your broker fee. Now, I want the rest in plain suitcases. The kind with the wheels and the portable handle, okay? Now, this is not a futures contract. This is a spot trade. That means there's a time limit on it. Okay, you got that? Now, what do you think is a fair time limit? 
:'''Walter Garber''': You know, I don't know. I'm really just a guy...
:'''Ryder''': Come on, give me a time limit. Give me a fair time limit. 
:'''Walter Garber''': Thursday. 
:'''Ryder''': I was thinking more like an hour. Now what does your watch say? 
:'''Walter Garber''': 2:13
:'''Ryder''': Oh, that's exactly what my watch says. So at 3:13, I want that money here, motherfucker! And after that, there is a late fee. What do you think that late fee is gonna be? Come on, tell me what it'll be.  
:'''Walter Garber''': You're gonna kill the passengers? 
:'''Ryder''': Oh, commodities is what I start to kill. One for every minute, past the deadline I am forced to wait. Now they become more valuable this way, and still at the same price. Now, what's your name? I didn't get your name. What's your name, my man? 
:'''Walter Garber''': My name? 
:'''Ryder''': What's your name?
:'''Walter Garber''': Garber.
:'''Ryder''': Garber. Okay. Now, seriously, man. In 59 minutes, I'm gonna start killing passengers. So my advice to you is to get on the phone, get the mayor notified now. 
:'''Walter Garber''': Listen. I mean, I'm just a civil service employee. I can't get a hold of the mayor. 
:'''Ryder''': But it's your problem, man. Not mine! It's like, who's responsible for who lives and who dies in New York! That's New York City's problem! GET THE FUCK OFF THE RADIO, AND NOTIFY THE MAYOR, MOTHERFUCKER!!!
:'''Walter Garber''': Okay. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Walter Garber''': Pelham 123, come in. This is rail control center, are you there? 
:'''Ryder''': Gerber, baby boy. What's up. 
:'''Walter Garber''': Garber. Just wanted to let you know that the mayor has been notified. 
:'''Ryder''': They gonna pay? 
:'''Walter Garber''': I don't know. I'm just the, what do you call me, the broker. 
:'''Ryder''': No, no no. You represent the city of New York right now, buddy. 
:'''Walter Garber''': Well, I can tell you that you're dealing with one of the all time bureaucracies, I know that. I mean, it takes time. 
:'''Ryder''': Well, you better fix the bureaucracy! Because when the time comes, these motherfuckers, these hostages, are gonna go real quick! 
:'''Walter Garber''': You got it, you got it. Any other demands? 
:'''Ryder''': Yeah, well, no fucking pizza for them either, man!
:'''Walter Garber''': No, I mean, are you guys like...are you terrorists? 
:'''Ryder''': Do I sound like a terrorist? Do I terrorize you? 
:'''Walter Garber''': Actually, you don't. But, I mean, not that I've ever talked to one. So, what? This is just about money? 
:'''Ryder''': Oh, is there anything else? 
:'''Walter Garber''': There's not dying. 
:'''Ryder''': Yeah, well, you know, you live, you die, you either go with the current or you fight it, you all end up in the same place. 
:'''Walter Garber''': Where's that? Jersey? 
:'''Ryder''': Yeah, you watch it. I was born there man.
:'''Walter Garber''': I'm just saying, you're up in the motorman's cab. That means you're on the radio, which means that you're an easy target. You gotta know the drill.
:'''Ryder''': Yeah, I know that soon I won't be alone. And if I'm the first to get shot, I'm the first of many to get shot.
:'''Walter Garber''': That's correct. But then you'd still be dead. 
:'''Ryder''': ''[chuckles]'' Dead is an improvement on a lot of things I can think of buddy boy. You know, we all owe God a death. And I'm a man who pays his debts. Are you a man who pays his debts?
:'''Walter Garber''': Yeah, yeah, sure. TV, cable, and my mortgage. That's a little like dying once a month.
:'''Ryder''': Oh, you're married. You're a married man. 
:'''Walter Garber''': Maybe. 
:'''Ryder''': No, no, no. You're married, man. Married men have mortgages.
:'''Walter Garber''': What about you? You got a mortgage? 
:'''Ryder''': Well, I don't know, Garber. Why don't you tell me and then we'll both know. 
:'''Walter Garber''': I don't know. I'm sure someone out there loves you dearly and you know, would be worried about you. Like I said, you're in the motorman's cab, you got no cover, sniper on the way.
:'''Ryder''': Well, you know, circumstances are my protection. Because right now, you know, hostages are good insurance by the way I see it. I'm pretty well protected. You know, this reminds me of being in a confessional. 
:'''Walter Garber''': Are you Catholic? I'm married, you're Catholic.
:'''Ryder''': Maybe, I don't know. 
:'''Walter Garber''': No, you're Catholic. And a Catholic, a good catholic, would know that he's got a train load of innocent people. I mean, you don't wanna kill innocent people, do you? 
:'''Ryder''': No, no no. I good Catholic knows that nobody is innocent! And I'm not gonna kill all these hostages, that'll give up my leverage! 
:'''Walter Garber''': Well, I hope you know what you're doing. 
:'''Ryder''': Well, it's running like a fucking Swiss watch down here, so don't worry about it! 
:'''Walter Garber''': So, what do I call you, anyway? 
:'''Ryder''': Call me &quot;Ryder&quot;. 
:'''Walter Garber''': As in &quot;Train Rider&quot;?
:'''Ryder''': Call me &quot;Ryder&quot; with a Y. Ryder. I like you, Garber. ''[chuckles]'' I do like you, man. You may be the last friend I ever make. 
:'''Walter Garber''': Well, I hope you're wrong, Mr. Ryder. But, uh. You know, I'm just a guy. I'm just a guy at the other end of the mic. 
:'''Ryder''': Oh, you don't think this was meant to be? You don't think this was fate, you and me?
:'''Walter Garber''': I don't know. You know, things happen that lead to other things, maybe this is one of them, but that's it. I never get excited about coincidence. 
:'''Ryder''': Well, you got 50 fucking minutes. So, check me. 
:'''Walter Garber''': Alright. 50 minutes. Check. 
:'''Ryder''': And don't call me unless you got news. 
:'''Walter Garber''': You got it. 
:'''Ryder''': ''[puts the walkie talkie down]'' Motherfucker!
 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:''[Garber tracks down and confronts Ryder as he walks across the Manhattan Bridge]''
:'''Walter Garber''': RYDER! Don't move! So is this how you thought the day was gonna end, huh? When you put your socks on this morning? Huh? 
:'''Ryder''': This make you feel better, Garber? That make everything okay now? 
:'''Walter Garber''': No! But it's a start! Don't move! ''[Garber crosses the tracks and to the gate where Ryder is standing]'' Don't move! ''[to approaching NYPD officers]'' HEY!  ''[Garber uses his hand to bring them over to come arrest Ryder]''
:'''Ryder''': Garber, baby boy- I ain't goin' back to prison.
:'''Walter Garber''': I don't think you got any more options, now, or leverage. [Ryder takes off his sunglasses]
:'''Ryder''': We all owe God a death; I told you that.
:'''Walter Garber''': You're wrong, Ryder; we owe God a life.
:'''Ryder''': Life, and that's the life I gave you back today. And now you have to give me something back.
:'''Walter Garber''': What are you talking about?
:'''Ryder''': You got a gun in your hand, I want you to use it. Shoot me. No, Shoot me before they shoot me, or I'm gonna kill you.
:'''Walter Garber''': I will shoot you. I don't wanna but I will. ''[to approaching NYPD officers]'' Hey!
:'''Ryder''': I THOUGHT YOU CARED!!! 
:'''Walter Garber''': No! 
:'''Ryder''': You said- &quot;Ryder, Ryder, don't you care? Don't you have anyone who cares-&quot; I thought that was ''you''! COME ON, MAN, PAY IT BACK!!!
:'''Walter Garber''': I am not gonna shoot you!
:'''Ryder''': Alright, I'm gonna give it a ten, then the deal's off. I got a gun. I'm gonna use it. I'm gonna take your life back. COME ON, MAN!!! Ten, nine, eight, seven, six- fi--you gonna take this down to zero?! COME ON, MOTHERFUCKER!!! SHOOT ME!!!
:'''Walter Garber''': I AM NOT GOING TO SHOOT YOU!!!
:'''Ryder''': Five, four, COME ON!!! three-
:'''NYPD Officer''': Police, drop your weapon!
:'''Ryder''': I'm disappointed in you. Two- ''[Ryder draws his pistol, about to use it, but Garber fatally shoots him in the chest]'' You're my goddamn hero. ''[Ryder falls dead]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Mayor''': Mr. Garber! Interesting day, huh?
:'''Garber''': Yes, sir.
:'''Mayor''': You know, just about every day I make a speech. And it starts with, &quot;I'd like to thank you on behalf of the City of New York,&quot; blah, blah, blah- and I never know who I'm thanking or why. But you... did a hell of a thing today. You went to bat for the City of New York. And on behalf of me, I'd like to thank you.
:'''Garber''': You're welcome. I mean- it's been an amazing day, everybody's been thanking me, but- I appreciate it. You're welcome.
:'''Mayor''': And I want you to know, that tomorrow, the City of New York is going to go to bat for you. And the City has a very good batting average.

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|1111422|The Taking of Pelham 123}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Taking of Pelham 123, The}}
[[Category:2009 American films]]
[[Category:Action thriller films]]
[[Category:Crime thriller films]]
[[Category:Films about hijackings]]
[[Category:Films set on trains]]
[[Category:Films set in New York City]]
[[Category:Remake films]]
[[Category:Films based on American novels]]</text>
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      <text bytes="14450" sha1="90cef7ulm8cxo9hkhfm2gdofkk01dws" xml:space="preserve">[[File:R62A 6 train leaving Brooklyn Bridge-City Hall.jpg|thumb|Garber! When you put your socks on this morning did you ever think?]]

{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:The Taking of Pelham 123 (2009 film)|The Taking of Pelham 123]]''''' is a [[w:2009 in film|2009]] American action thriller film about a train dispatcher, who is pressed into the role of negotiator after a criminal hijacks a subway car of passengers. It is the third film adaptation of the [[w:Morton Freedgood|John Godey]] novel of the same name (following the ''[[The Taking of Pelham One Two Three (1974 film)|1974 theatrical film]]'' and 1998 television film).  
:''Directed by [[w:Tony Scott|Tony Scott]]. Written by [[w:Brian Helgeland|Brian Helgeland]], based on [[w:The Taking of Pelham One Two Three (novel)|the novel]] by [[w:Morton Freedgood|John Godey]].''

[[File:Denzel Washington at the 2025 Cannes Film Festival.jpg|thumb|So is this how you thought the day was going to end, huh? When you put your socks on this morning? Huh?]]
[[File:John Travolta Deauville 2013 2.jpg|thumb|You're just like me, Garber. I fueled this city, I fed it breakfast every morning, and now we're the bad guys! I don't think so! I DON'T FUCKING THINK SO!]]
[[File:&quot;sleeper agent&quot; gun, 2014.jpg|thumb|You know, we all owe God a death.]]
[[File:Manhattan Bridge.JPG|thumb|You're my goddamn hero.]]
[[File:Flag of the Mayor of New York City.svg|thumb|You know, just about every day I make a speech. And it starts with, &quot;I'd like to thank you on behalf of the City of New York,&quot; blah, blah, blah- and I never know who I'm thanking or why. But you... did a hell of a thing today. You went to bat for the City of New York. And on behalf of me, I'd like to thank you. And I want you to know, that tomorrow, the City of New York is going to go to bat for you. And the City has a very good batting average.]]

== Dialogue ==
:'''Ryder''': Pelham 123. To rail control center, do you read me? 
:'''Walter Garber''': Yes. I read you, Pelham 123, this is control center. Who is this? 
:'''Ryder''': ''[chuckles]'' It's me, man. I didn't want to call til everything was ready. 
:'''Walter Garber''': ''[Realizes something's off and that's not Jerry Pollard he's speaking to]'' I understand. I understand, Pelham 123. Who the hell is this? 
:'''Ryder''': This is the man who's gonna rock this city. This is the man who's gonna give this city a run for the money. Now, look up. Look up at your screen and you tell me what you see. You see what I've done?
:'''Walter Garber''': I see it. 
:'''Ryder''': One car is much more manageable than 10 with the manpower I got. Mr. Motorman is gonna tell you all about it. ''[to Jerry Pollard]'' Tell him what we got here. 
:'''Jerry Pollard''': They, they got hostages, lots of them, and they got machine guns. 
:'''Ryder''': Yeah, that's right, check me, do you understand that? 
:'''Walter Garber''': I check, I understand. 
:'''Ryder''': Good, because this is what we call a cash transaction. Now, you understand commodities don't you? You know, pork bellies? Gold? Light crude? 
:'''Walter Garber''': Listen, no disrespect, but maybe I'm not the guy you should be talking to. 
:'''Ryder''': Oh, no. You are exactly the guy I want to talk to. Now, I want you to look at the ticker, and you tell me what is the going rate for a New York City hostage today? You think a million dollars is too much? I do. I think it's corny. Now get your calculator out, you got one? Do you have a calculator? 
:'''Walter Garber''': Yeah, we got one. I got one. 
:'''Ryder''': Okay, good. Add this up. You got $526,315 and 79 cents. That's 526,315,79. Now, times that by 19. What do you got? What do you got? 
:'''Walter Garber''': That comes out to 10 million, plus 1 cent. 
:'''Ryder''': Oh! That is a deal. You call the mayor and you tell him the price. And then you tell him I want it in 100,000 $100 bills, you got that? 
:'''Walter Garber''': I got it. What about the one cent? 
:'''Ryder''': You keep that. That's your broker fee. Now, I want the rest in plain suitcases. The kind with the wheels and the portable handle, okay? Now, this is not a futures contract. This is a spot trade. That means there's a time limit on it. Okay, you got that? Now, what do you think is a fair time limit? 
:'''Walter Garber''': You know, I don't know. I'm really just a guy...
:'''Ryder''': Come on, give me a time limit. Give me a fair time limit. 
:'''Walter Garber''': Thursday. 
:'''Ryder''': I was thinking more like an hour. Now what does your watch say? 
:'''Walter Garber''': 2:13
:'''Ryder''': Oh, that's exactly what my watch says. So at 3:13, I want that money here, motherfucker! And after that, there is a late fee. What do you think that late fee is gonna be? Come on, tell me what it'll be.  
:'''Walter Garber''': You're gonna kill the passengers? 
:'''Ryder''': Oh, commodities is what I start to kill. One for every minute, past the deadline I am forced to wait. Now they become more valuable this way, and still at the same price. Now, what's your name? I didn't get your name. What's your name, my man? 
:'''Walter Garber''': My name? 
:'''Ryder''': What's your name?
:'''Walter Garber''': Garber.
:'''Ryder''': Garber. Okay. Now, seriously, man. In 59 minutes, I'm gonna start killing passengers. So my advice to you is to get on the phone, get the mayor notified now. 
:'''Walter Garber''': Listen. I mean, I'm just a civil service employee. I can't get a hold of the mayor. 
:'''Ryder''': But it's your problem, man. Not mine! It's like, who's responsible for who lives and who dies in New York! That's New York City's problem! GET THE FUCK OFF THE RADIO, AND NOTIFY THE MAYOR, MOTHERFUCKER!!!
:'''Walter Garber''': Okay. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Walter Garber''': Pelham 123, come in. This is rail control center, are you there? 
:'''Ryder''': Gerber, baby boy. What's up. 
:'''Walter Garber''': Garber. Just wanted to let you know that the mayor has been notified. 
:'''Ryder''': They gonna pay? 
:'''Walter Garber''': I don't know. I'm just the, what do you call me, the broker. 
:'''Ryder''': No, no no. You represent the city of New York right now, buddy. 
:'''Walter Garber''': Well, I can tell you that you're dealing with one of the all time bureaucracies, I know that. I mean, it takes time. 
:'''Ryder''': Well, you better fix the bureaucracy! Because when the time comes, these motherfuckers, these hostages, are gonna go real quick! 
:'''Walter Garber''': You got it, you got it. Any other demands? 
:'''Ryder''': Yeah, well, no fucking pizza for them either, man!
:'''Walter Garber''': No, I mean, are you guys like...are you terrorists? 
:'''Ryder''': Do I sound like a terrorist? Do I terrorize you? 
:'''Walter Garber''': Actually, you don't. But, I mean, not that I've ever talked to one. So, what? This is just about money? 
:'''Ryder''': Oh, is there anything else? 
:'''Walter Garber''': There's not dying. 
:'''Ryder''': Yeah, well, you know, you live, you die, you either go with the current or you fight it, you all end up in the same place. 
:'''Walter Garber''': Where's that? Jersey? 
:'''Ryder''': Yeah, you watch it. I was born there man.
:'''Walter Garber''': I'm just saying, you're up in the motorman's cab. That means you're on the radio, which means that you're an easy target. You gotta know the drill.
:'''Ryder''': Yeah, I know that soon I won't be alone. And if I'm the first to get shot, I'm the first of many to get shot.
:'''Walter Garber''': That's correct. But then you'd still be dead. 
:'''Ryder''': ''[chuckles]'' Dead is an improvement on a lot of things I can think of buddy boy. You know, we all owe God a death. And I'm a man who pays his debts. Are you a man who pays his debts?
:'''Walter Garber''': Yeah, yeah, sure. TV, cable, and my mortgage. That's a little like dying once a month.
:'''Ryder''': Oh, you're married. You're a married man. 
:'''Walter Garber''': Maybe. 
:'''Ryder''': No, no, no. You're married, man. Married men have mortgages.
:'''Walter Garber''': What about you? You got a mortgage? 
:'''Ryder''': Well, I don't know, Garber. Why don't you tell me and then we'll both know. 
:'''Walter Garber''': I don't know. I'm sure someone out there loves you dearly and you know, would be worried about you. Like I said, you're in the motorman's cab, you got no cover, sniper on the way.
:'''Ryder''': Well, you know, circumstances are my protection. Because right now, you know, hostages are good insurance by the way I see it. I'm pretty well protected. You know, this reminds me of being in a confessional. 
:'''Walter Garber''': Are you Catholic? I'm married, you're Catholic.
:'''Ryder''': Maybe, I don't know. 
:'''Walter Garber''': No, you're Catholic. And a Catholic, a good catholic, would know that he's got a train load of innocent people. I mean, you don't wanna kill innocent people, do you? 
:'''Ryder''': No, no no. I good Catholic knows that nobody is innocent! And I'm not gonna kill all these hostages, that'll give up my leverage! 
:'''Walter Garber''': Well, I hope you know what you're doing. 
:'''Ryder''': Well, it's running like a fucking Swiss watch down here, so don't worry about it! 
:'''Walter Garber''': So, what do I call you, anyway? 
:'''Ryder''': Call me &quot;Ryder&quot;. 
:'''Walter Garber''': As in &quot;Train Rider&quot;?
:'''Ryder''': Call me &quot;Ryder&quot; with a Y. Ryder. I like you, Garber. ''[chuckles]'' I do like you, man. You may be the last friend I ever make. 
:'''Walter Garber''': Well, I hope you're wrong, Mr. Ryder. But, uh. You know, I'm just a guy. I'm just a guy at the other end of the mic. 
:'''Ryder''': Oh, you don't think this was meant to be? You don't think this was fate, you and me?
:'''Walter Garber''': I don't know. You know, things happen that lead to other things, maybe this is one of them, but that's it. I never get excited about coincidence. 
:'''Ryder''': Well, you got 50 fucking minutes. So, check me. 
:'''Walter Garber''': Alright. 50 minutes. Check. 
:'''Ryder''': And don't call me unless you got news. 
:'''Walter Garber''': You got it. 
:'''Ryder''': ''[puts the walkie talkie down]'' Motherfucker!
 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:''[Garber tracks down and confronts Ryder as he walks across the Manhattan Bridge]''
:'''Walter Garber''': RYDER! Don't move! So is this how you thought the day was gonna end, huh? When you put your socks on this morning? Huh? 
:'''Ryder''': This make you feel better, Garber? That make everything okay now? 
:'''Walter Garber''': No! But it's a start! Don't move! ''[Garber crosses the tracks and to the gate where Ryder is standing]'' Don't move! ''[to approaching NYPD officers]'' HEY!  ''[Garber uses his hand to bring them over to come arrest Ryder]''
:'''Ryder''': Garber, baby boy- I ain't goin' back to prison.
:'''Walter Garber''': I don't think you got any more options, now, or leverage. [Ryder takes off his sunglasses]
:'''Ryder''': We all owe God a death; I told you that.
:'''Walter Garber''': You're wrong, Ryder; we owe God a life.
:'''Ryder''': Life, and that's the life I gave you back today. And now you have to give me something back.
:'''Walter Garber''': What are you talking about?
:'''Ryder''': You got a gun in your hand, I want you to use it. Shoot me. No, Shoot me before they shoot me, or I'm gonna kill you.
:'''Walter Garber''': I will shoot you. I don't wanna but I will. ''[to approaching NYPD officers]'' Hey!
:'''Ryder''': I THOUGHT YOU CARED!!! 
:'''Walter Garber''': No! 
:'''Ryder''': You said- &quot;Ryder, Ryder, don't you care? Don't you have anyone who cares-&quot; I thought that was ''you''! COME ON, MAN, PAY IT BACK!!!
:'''Walter Garber''': I am not gonna shoot you!
:'''Ryder''': Alright, I'm gonna give it a ten, then the deal's off. I got a gun. I'm gonna use it. I'm gonna take your life back. COME ON, MAN!!! Ten, nine, eight, seven, six- fi--you gonna take this down to zero?! COME ON, MOTHERFUCKER!!! SHOOT ME!!!
:'''Walter Garber''': I AM NOT GOING TO SHOOT YOU!!!
:'''Ryder''': Five, four, COME ON!!! three-
:'''NYPD Officer''': Police, drop your weapon!
:'''Ryder''': I'm disappointed in you. Two- ''[Ryder draws his pistol, about to use it, but Garber fatally shoots him in the chest]'' You're my goddamn hero. ''[Ryder falls dead]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Mayor''': Mr. Garber! Interesting day, huh?
:'''Garber''': Yes, sir.
:'''Mayor''': You know, just about every day I make a speech. And it starts with, &quot;I'd like to thank you on behalf of the City of New York,&quot; blah, blah, blah- and I never know who I'm thanking or why. But you... did a hell of a thing today. You went to bat for the City of New York. And on behalf of me, I'd like to thank you.
:'''Garber''': You're welcome. I mean- it's been an amazing day, everybody's been thanking me, but- I appreciate it. You're welcome.
:'''Mayor''': And I want you to know, that tomorrow, the City of New York is going to go to bat for you. And the City has a very good batting average.

== Cast ==
{{cast listing|
* [[Denzel Washington]] - Walter Garber
* [[John Travolta]] - Dennis 'Ryder' Ford / Mr. Blue
* [[w:John Turturro|John Turturro]] - Lieutenant Vincent Camonetti
* [[w:Luis Guzmán|Luis Guzman]] - Phil Ramos / Mr. Green
* [[w:Michael Rispoli|Michael Rispoli]] - John Johnson
* [[w:James Gandolfini|James Gandolfini]] - the Mayor of New York
* [[w:Frank Wood (actor)|Frank Wood]] - Police Commissioner Sterman
* [[w:John Benjamin Hickey|John Benjamin Hickey]] - Deputy Mayor LaSalle
* [[w:Gary Basaraba|Gary Basaraba]] - Jerry Pollard
* [[w:Ramón Rodríguez (actor)|Ramon Rodriguez]] - Delgado
* [[w:Gbenga Akinnagbe|Gbenga Akinnagbe]] - Wallace
* Katherine Sigismund - Mother
* [[w:Aunjanue Ellis-Taylor|Aunjanue Ellis]] - Theresa
* Alex Kaluzhsky - George
* [[w:Tonye Patano|Tonye Patano]] - Regina 
* [[w:Jason Butler Harner|Jason Butler Harner]] - Mr. Thomas
* Robert Vataj - Emri / Mr. Brown
* Jake Siciliano - an eight-year-old boy
* [[w:Victor Gojcaj|Victor Gojcaj]] - Bashkin / Mr. Gray
* [[w:Brian Haley|Brian Haley]] - Police Captain Hill 
* [[w:Adrian Martinez (actor)|Adrian Martinez]] - Cabbie
}}

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|1111422|The Taking of Pelham 123}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Taking of Pelham 123, The}}
[[Category:2009 American films]]
[[Category:Action thriller films]]
[[Category:Crime thriller films]]
[[Category:Films about hijackings]]
[[Category:Films set on trains]]
[[Category:Films set in New York City]]
[[Category:Remake films]]
[[Category:Films based on American novels]]</text>
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      <parentid>3942455</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-05-18T18:29:28Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
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      <text bytes="14449" sha1="0835f7jqonjue5gtqeh70gh70vtu8gy" xml:space="preserve">[[File:R62A 6 train leaving Brooklyn Bridge-City Hall.jpg|thumb|Garber! When you put your socks on this morning did you ever think?]]
{{italic title}}
'''''[[w:The Taking of Pelham 123 (2009 film)|The Taking of Pelham 123]]''''' is a [[w:2009 in film|2009]] American action thriller film about a train dispatcher, who is pressed into the role of negotiator after a criminal hijacks a subway car of passengers. It is the third film adaptation of the [[w:Morton Freedgood|John Godey]] novel of the same name (following the ''[[The Taking of Pelham One Two Three (1974 film)|1974 theatrical film]]'' and 1998 television film).  
:''Directed by [[w:Tony Scott|Tony Scott]]. Written by [[w:Brian Helgeland|Brian Helgeland]], based on [[w:The Taking of Pelham One Two Three (novel)|the novel]] by [[w:Morton Freedgood|John Godey]].''

[[File:Denzel Washington at the 2025 Cannes Film Festival.jpg|thumb|So is this how you thought the day was going to end, huh? When you put your socks on this morning? Huh?]]
[[File:John Travolta Deauville 2013 2.jpg|thumb|You're just like me, Garber. I fueled this city, I fed it breakfast every morning, and now we're the bad guys! I don't think so! I DON'T FUCKING THINK SO!]]
[[File:&quot;sleeper agent&quot; gun, 2014.jpg|thumb|You know, we all owe God a death.]]
[[File:Manhattan Bridge.JPG|thumb|You're my goddamn hero.]]
[[File:Flag of the Mayor of New York City.svg|thumb|You know, just about every day I make a speech. And it starts with, &quot;I'd like to thank you on behalf of the City of New York,&quot; blah, blah, blah- and I never know who I'm thanking or why. But you... did a hell of a thing today. You went to bat for the City of New York. And on behalf of me, I'd like to thank you. And I want you to know, that tomorrow, the City of New York is going to go to bat for you. And the City has a very good batting average.]]

== Dialogue ==
:'''Ryder''': Pelham 123. To rail control center, do you read me? 
:'''Walter Garber''': Yes. I read you, Pelham 123, this is control center. Who is this? 
:'''Ryder''': ''[chuckles]'' It's me, man. I didn't want to call til everything was ready. 
:'''Walter Garber''': ''[Realizes something's off and that's not Jerry Pollard he's speaking to]'' I understand. I understand, Pelham 123. Who the hell is this? 
:'''Ryder''': This is the man who's gonna rock this city. This is the man who's gonna give this city a run for the money. Now, look up. Look up at your screen and you tell me what you see. You see what I've done?
:'''Walter Garber''': I see it. 
:'''Ryder''': One car is much more manageable than 10 with the manpower I got. Mr. Motorman is gonna tell you all about it. ''[to Jerry Pollard]'' Tell him what we got here. 
:'''Jerry Pollard''': They, they got hostages, lots of them, and they got machine guns. 
:'''Ryder''': Yeah, that's right, check me, do you understand that? 
:'''Walter Garber''': I check, I understand. 
:'''Ryder''': Good, because this is what we call a cash transaction. Now, you understand commodities don't you? You know, pork bellies? Gold? Light crude? 
:'''Walter Garber''': Listen, no disrespect, but maybe I'm not the guy you should be talking to. 
:'''Ryder''': Oh, no. You are exactly the guy I want to talk to. Now, I want you to look at the ticker, and you tell me what is the going rate for a New York City hostage today? You think a million dollars is too much? I do. I think it's corny. Now get your calculator out, you got one? Do you have a calculator? 
:'''Walter Garber''': Yeah, we got one. I got one. 
:'''Ryder''': Okay, good. Add this up. You got $526,315 and 79 cents. That's 526,315,79. Now, times that by 19. What do you got? What do you got? 
:'''Walter Garber''': That comes out to 10 million, plus 1 cent. 
:'''Ryder''': Oh! That is a deal. You call the mayor and you tell him the price. And then you tell him I want it in 100,000 $100 bills, you got that? 
:'''Walter Garber''': I got it. What about the one cent? 
:'''Ryder''': You keep that. That's your broker fee. Now, I want the rest in plain suitcases. The kind with the wheels and the portable handle, okay? Now, this is not a futures contract. This is a spot trade. That means there's a time limit on it. Okay, you got that? Now, what do you think is a fair time limit? 
:'''Walter Garber''': You know, I don't know. I'm really just a guy...
:'''Ryder''': Come on, give me a time limit. Give me a fair time limit. 
:'''Walter Garber''': Thursday. 
:'''Ryder''': I was thinking more like an hour. Now what does your watch say? 
:'''Walter Garber''': 2:13
:'''Ryder''': Oh, that's exactly what my watch says. So at 3:13, I want that money here, motherfucker! And after that, there is a late fee. What do you think that late fee is gonna be? Come on, tell me what it'll be.  
:'''Walter Garber''': You're gonna kill the passengers? 
:'''Ryder''': Oh, commodities is what I start to kill. One for every minute, past the deadline I am forced to wait. Now they become more valuable this way, and still at the same price. Now, what's your name? I didn't get your name. What's your name, my man? 
:'''Walter Garber''': My name? 
:'''Ryder''': What's your name?
:'''Walter Garber''': Garber.
:'''Ryder''': Garber. Okay. Now, seriously, man. In 59 minutes, I'm gonna start killing passengers. So my advice to you is to get on the phone, get the mayor notified now. 
:'''Walter Garber''': Listen. I mean, I'm just a civil service employee. I can't get a hold of the mayor. 
:'''Ryder''': But it's your problem, man. Not mine! It's like, who's responsible for who lives and who dies in New York! That's New York City's problem! GET THE FUCK OFF THE RADIO, AND NOTIFY THE MAYOR, MOTHERFUCKER!!!
:'''Walter Garber''': Okay. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Walter Garber''': Pelham 123, come in. This is rail control center, are you there? 
:'''Ryder''': Gerber, baby boy. What's up. 
:'''Walter Garber''': Garber. Just wanted to let you know that the mayor has been notified. 
:'''Ryder''': They gonna pay? 
:'''Walter Garber''': I don't know. I'm just the, what do you call me, the broker. 
:'''Ryder''': No, no no. You represent the city of New York right now, buddy. 
:'''Walter Garber''': Well, I can tell you that you're dealing with one of the all time bureaucracies, I know that. I mean, it takes time. 
:'''Ryder''': Well, you better fix the bureaucracy! Because when the time comes, these motherfuckers, these hostages, are gonna go real quick! 
:'''Walter Garber''': You got it, you got it. Any other demands? 
:'''Ryder''': Yeah, well, no fucking pizza for them either, man!
:'''Walter Garber''': No, I mean, are you guys like...are you terrorists? 
:'''Ryder''': Do I sound like a terrorist? Do I terrorize you? 
:'''Walter Garber''': Actually, you don't. But, I mean, not that I've ever talked to one. So, what? This is just about money? 
:'''Ryder''': Oh, is there anything else? 
:'''Walter Garber''': There's not dying. 
:'''Ryder''': Yeah, well, you know, you live, you die, you either go with the current or you fight it, you all end up in the same place. 
:'''Walter Garber''': Where's that? Jersey? 
:'''Ryder''': Yeah, you watch it. I was born there man.
:'''Walter Garber''': I'm just saying, you're up in the motorman's cab. That means you're on the radio, which means that you're an easy target. You gotta know the drill.
:'''Ryder''': Yeah, I know that soon I won't be alone. And if I'm the first to get shot, I'm the first of many to get shot.
:'''Walter Garber''': That's correct. But then you'd still be dead. 
:'''Ryder''': ''[chuckles]'' Dead is an improvement on a lot of things I can think of buddy boy. You know, we all owe God a death. And I'm a man who pays his debts. Are you a man who pays his debts?
:'''Walter Garber''': Yeah, yeah, sure. TV, cable, and my mortgage. That's a little like dying once a month.
:'''Ryder''': Oh, you're married. You're a married man. 
:'''Walter Garber''': Maybe. 
:'''Ryder''': No, no, no. You're married, man. Married men have mortgages.
:'''Walter Garber''': What about you? You got a mortgage? 
:'''Ryder''': Well, I don't know, Garber. Why don't you tell me and then we'll both know. 
:'''Walter Garber''': I don't know. I'm sure someone out there loves you dearly and you know, would be worried about you. Like I said, you're in the motorman's cab, you got no cover, sniper on the way.
:'''Ryder''': Well, you know, circumstances are my protection. Because right now, you know, hostages are good insurance by the way I see it. I'm pretty well protected. You know, this reminds me of being in a confessional. 
:'''Walter Garber''': Are you Catholic? I'm married, you're Catholic.
:'''Ryder''': Maybe, I don't know. 
:'''Walter Garber''': No, you're Catholic. And a Catholic, a good catholic, would know that he's got a train load of innocent people. I mean, you don't wanna kill innocent people, do you? 
:'''Ryder''': No, no no. I good Catholic knows that nobody is innocent! And I'm not gonna kill all these hostages, that'll give up my leverage! 
:'''Walter Garber''': Well, I hope you know what you're doing. 
:'''Ryder''': Well, it's running like a fucking Swiss watch down here, so don't worry about it! 
:'''Walter Garber''': So, what do I call you, anyway? 
:'''Ryder''': Call me &quot;Ryder&quot;. 
:'''Walter Garber''': As in &quot;Train Rider&quot;?
:'''Ryder''': Call me &quot;Ryder&quot; with a Y. Ryder. I like you, Garber. ''[chuckles]'' I do like you, man. You may be the last friend I ever make. 
:'''Walter Garber''': Well, I hope you're wrong, Mr. Ryder. But, uh. You know, I'm just a guy. I'm just a guy at the other end of the mic. 
:'''Ryder''': Oh, you don't think this was meant to be? You don't think this was fate, you and me?
:'''Walter Garber''': I don't know. You know, things happen that lead to other things, maybe this is one of them, but that's it. I never get excited about coincidence. 
:'''Ryder''': Well, you got 50 fucking minutes. So, check me. 
:'''Walter Garber''': Alright. 50 minutes. Check. 
:'''Ryder''': And don't call me unless you got news. 
:'''Walter Garber''': You got it. 
:'''Ryder''': ''[puts the walkie talkie down]'' Motherfucker!
 
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:''[Garber tracks down and confronts Ryder as he walks across the Manhattan Bridge]''
:'''Walter Garber''': RYDER! Don't move! So is this how you thought the day was gonna end, huh? When you put your socks on this morning? Huh? 
:'''Ryder''': This make you feel better, Garber? That make everything okay now? 
:'''Walter Garber''': No! But it's a start! Don't move! ''[Garber crosses the tracks and to the gate where Ryder is standing]'' Don't move! ''[to approaching NYPD officers]'' HEY!  ''[Garber uses his hand to bring them over to come arrest Ryder]''
:'''Ryder''': Garber, baby boy- I ain't goin' back to prison.
:'''Walter Garber''': I don't think you got any more options, now, or leverage. [Ryder takes off his sunglasses]
:'''Ryder''': We all owe God a death; I told you that.
:'''Walter Garber''': You're wrong, Ryder; we owe God a life.
:'''Ryder''': Life, and that's the life I gave you back today. And now you have to give me something back.
:'''Walter Garber''': What are you talking about?
:'''Ryder''': You got a gun in your hand, I want you to use it. Shoot me. No, Shoot me before they shoot me, or I'm gonna kill you.
:'''Walter Garber''': I will shoot you. I don't wanna but I will. ''[to approaching NYPD officers]'' Hey!
:'''Ryder''': I THOUGHT YOU CARED!!! 
:'''Walter Garber''': No! 
:'''Ryder''': You said- &quot;Ryder, Ryder, don't you care? Don't you have anyone who cares-&quot; I thought that was ''you''! COME ON, MAN, PAY IT BACK!!!
:'''Walter Garber''': I am not gonna shoot you!
:'''Ryder''': Alright, I'm gonna give it a ten, then the deal's off. I got a gun. I'm gonna use it. I'm gonna take your life back. COME ON, MAN!!! Ten, nine, eight, seven, six- fi--you gonna take this down to zero?! COME ON, MOTHERFUCKER!!! SHOOT ME!!!
:'''Walter Garber''': I AM NOT GOING TO SHOOT YOU!!!
:'''Ryder''': Five, four, COME ON!!! three-
:'''NYPD Officer''': Police, drop your weapon!
:'''Ryder''': I'm disappointed in you. Two- ''[Ryder draws his pistol, about to use it, but Garber fatally shoots him in the chest]'' You're my goddamn hero. ''[Ryder falls dead]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot; /&gt;
:'''Mayor''': Mr. Garber! Interesting day, huh?
:'''Garber''': Yes, sir.
:'''Mayor''': You know, just about every day I make a speech. And it starts with, &quot;I'd like to thank you on behalf of the City of New York,&quot; blah, blah, blah- and I never know who I'm thanking or why. But you... did a hell of a thing today. You went to bat for the City of New York. And on behalf of me, I'd like to thank you.
:'''Garber''': You're welcome. I mean- it's been an amazing day, everybody's been thanking me, but- I appreciate it. You're welcome.
:'''Mayor''': And I want you to know, that tomorrow, the City of New York is going to go to bat for you. And the City has a very good batting average.

== Cast ==
{{cast listing|
* [[Denzel Washington]] - Walter Garber
* [[John Travolta]] - Dennis 'Ryder' Ford / Mr. Blue
* [[w:John Turturro|John Turturro]] - Lieutenant Vincent Camonetti
* [[w:Luis Guzmán|Luis Guzman]] - Phil Ramos / Mr. Green
* [[w:Michael Rispoli|Michael Rispoli]] - John Johnson
* [[w:James Gandolfini|James Gandolfini]] - the Mayor of New York
* [[w:Frank Wood (actor)|Frank Wood]] - Police Commissioner Sterman
* [[w:John Benjamin Hickey|John Benjamin Hickey]] - Deputy Mayor LaSalle
* [[w:Gary Basaraba|Gary Basaraba]] - Jerry Pollard
* [[w:Ramón Rodríguez (actor)|Ramon Rodriguez]] - Delgado
* [[w:Gbenga Akinnagbe|Gbenga Akinnagbe]] - Wallace
* Katherine Sigismund - Mother
* [[w:Aunjanue Ellis-Taylor|Aunjanue Ellis]] - Theresa
* Alex Kaluzhsky - George
* [[w:Tonye Patano|Tonye Patano]] - Regina 
* [[w:Jason Butler Harner|Jason Butler Harner]] - Mr. Thomas
* Robert Vataj - Emri / Mr. Brown
* Jake Siciliano - an eight-year-old boy
* [[w:Victor Gojcaj|Victor Gojcaj]] - Bashkin / Mr. Gray
* [[w:Brian Haley|Brian Haley]] - Police Captain Hill 
* [[w:Adrian Martinez (actor)|Adrian Martinez]] - Cabbie
}}

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{IMDb title|1111422|The Taking of Pelham 123}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Taking of Pelham 123, The}}
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[[Category:Films set on trains]]
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>María Luisa Bombal</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
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      <comment>−[[Category:Women from Chile]]; ±[[Category:Women authors]]→[[Category:Women authors from Chile]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]]</comment>
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      <text bytes="4949" sha1="bwqpl0xfm5wcf1jtdbb41rfzdwg80pj" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:María Luisa Bombal|María Luisa Bombal Anthes]]''' (Spanish pronunciation: [maˈɾi.a ˈlwisa βomˈβal]; Viña del Mar, Chile; 8 June 1910 – 6 May 1980) was a Chilean novelist and poet. 

== Quotes ==  

===''House of Mist'' (1947)===
English language readaptation of ''La última niebla'' (1934)

*I wish to inform the reader that even though this is a mystery, it is a mystery without murder.&lt;br&gt;He will not find here any corpse, any detective; he will not even find a murder trial, for the simple reason that there will be no murderer.&lt;br&gt;There will be no murderer and no murder, yet there will be....crime.&lt;br&gt;And there will be fear.&lt;br&gt; Those for whom fear has an attraction; those who are interested in the mysterious life people live in their dreams during sleep; those who believe that the dead are not really dead; those who are afraid of the fog and of their own hearts... they will perhaps enjoy going back to the early days of this century and entering into the strange house of mist that a young woman, very much like all other women, built for herself at the southern end of South America.
**Prologue 

*The story I am about to tell is the story of my life. It begins where other stories usually end; I mean, it begins with a wedding, a really strange wedding, my own. (beginning of chapter one)

===''The Shrouded Woman'' (1947 )===
English language readaptation of ''La amortajada'' (1938) 

*As night was beginning to fall, slowly her eyes opened. Oh, a little, just a little. It was as if, hidden behind her long lashes, she was trying to see.&lt;br&gt;And in the glow of the tall candles, those who were keeping watch leaned forward to observe the clarity and transparency in that narrow fringe of pupil death had failed to dim. With wonder and reverence, they leaned forward, unaware that she could see them.&lt;br&gt;For she was seeing, she was feeling.
**beginning of chapter one

===''New Islands and other stories'' (1939)===
*Day by day, proud human beings that we are, we have a tendency to renounce our elemental roots, which accounts for the fact that women no longer appreciate their braids.&lt;br&gt;Being rationalists nowadays, women in cutting off their braids ignore that in effect they are severing their ties with those magic currents which issue from the very heart of the earth.&lt;br&gt;Because a woman's hair springs from the most profound and mysterious source, whence is born the first trembling seed of life-evolving therefrom to struggle and grow among many entangling forces, thrusting through the vegetal surface into the air and on upwards to the privileged forehead of its choice.
**beginning of &quot;Braids&quot;

*I am privy to much that is unknown.&lt;br&gt;Of sea and earth and sky I know an infinity of small and magic secrets.&lt;br&gt;This time, however, I will tell only about the sea.
**beginning of &quot;The Unknown&quot;

== Quotes about ==
*For the majority of readers, Latin American fantastic literature operates under the tutelage of the great masters: [[Jorge Luis Borges]], [[Adolfo Bioy Casares]], [[Julio Cortázar]] and [[Gabriel García Márquez]]. However, although few are acquainted with their works, many women began experimenting with this genre well before their male counterparts and were the true precursors of the form, though their names remained on the shelves of oblivion, without the recognition that they deserved. [[María Luisa Bombal]], for example, wrote the fantastic nouvelle, ''House of Mist'' (1937) before the famous ''Ficcione''s (1944) of Borges...
**[[Marjorie Agosín]] &quot;Reflections on the Fantastic&quot; Translated from the Spanish by Celeste Kostopulos-Cooperman. In ''Secret Weavers: Stories of the Fantastic by Women Writers of Argentina and Chile'' (1992)

*Today, in Santiago, Chile, or Buenos Aires, in Caracas or Lima, when they name the best names, María Luisa Bombal is never missing from the list. This fact is even more notable when one considers the brevity of her work-which does not correspond to any determined &quot;school&quot; and which fortunately is devoid of any regionalism.
**[[Jorge Luis Borges]] in ''Las islas nuevas'' (1939)

*Here’s a very short list of Latin women novelists I think should have been considered part of the Boom…[[Mexico]]: [[Elena Garro]], [[Rosario Castellanos]]. [[Costa Rica]]: [[Carmen Naranjo]]. [[Brazil]]: [[Clarice Lispector]]. [[Uruguay]]: [[Armonía Somers]]. [[Chile]]: [[María Luisa Bombal]]. [[Argentina]]: [[Silvina Ocampo]], [[Nora Lange]], [[Elvira Orphée]]...
**[[Luisa Valenzuela]], [https://thecollidescope.com/2022/11/06/rich-cosmologies-an-interview-with-luisa-valenzuela/ Interview] (2022)

== External links== 
{{Wikipedia}} 
*[https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/25537.Mar_a_Luisa_Bombal Goodreads page]

{{DEFAULTSORT:Bombal, María Luisa}}
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    <title>Sally Armstrong (journalist)</title>
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      <text bytes="2789" sha1="tjr9qdrzldx7nluscg4dcehf635xs4q" xml:space="preserve">'''{{w|Sally Armstrong (journalist)|Sally Wishart Armstrong}}''' (born 1943) is a Canadian journalist, magazine editor, human rights activist, documentary filmmaker, and author of several books, including four bestsellers: ''Veiled Threat: The Hidden Power of the Women of Afghanistan'' (2002), ''The Nine Lives of Charlotte Taylor'' (2007), ''Bitter Roots, Tender Shoots: The Uncertain Fate of Afghanistan’s Women'' (2008),  and ''Ascent of Women: A New Age Is Dawning for Every Mother’s Daughter'' (2013). She was made in 1998 an Officer of the {{w|Order of Canada}}.

{{journalist-stub}}
==Quotes==
* There's never been a better time in human history to be a woman. And despite the blowback from misguided [[politicians]], leftover {{w|Chauvinism#Male chauvinism|chauvinist}}s, and hypetmasculine {{w|Misogyny|misogynist}}s, women are closer to gaining {{w|Gender equality|equality}} than ever before. The journey ahead is bound to epic, and it will affect everything—our wallets, our jobs, our very future.
** {{cite book|chapter=Chapter One. In the Beginning(s)|title=Power Shift: The Longest Revolution{ The CBC Massey Lectures|publisher=House of Anansi|year=2019|isbn=9781487006808|chapter-url=https://books.google.com/books?id=JPOVDwAAQBAJ&amp;pg=PT8}} (304 pages)

* There’s this extraordinary attitude that women should be second-class, put down, punished, not included. It is absolutely extraordinary to me. It doesn’t matter whether you are in {{w|South Sudan}} or [[Iraq]], [[Afghanistan]] or [[China]] — it’s the same thing.
** as quoted by [https://www.stephaniavaralli.com/my-story.html Stephania Varalli] in: {{cite web|title=How Sally Armstrong went from phys-ed teacher to war correspondent: Top 25 Women of Influence Lifetime Achievement Award|date=February 2, 2020|website=Women of Influence (womenofinfluence.ca)|url=https://www.womenofinfluence.ca/2020/02/02/how-sally-armstrong-went-from-phys-ed-teacher-to-war-correspondent/}}

* Women and girls have been on a perilous journaly of [[oppression]] and also wit and survival.
** {{cite journal|title=THE PHOENIX IS YOU {{!}} Sally Armstrong {{!}} TEDxWesternU|journal=YouTube|date=February 28, 2024|url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uoFWGr3ki14&amp;t=355s}} (quote at 5:55 of 12:28 in video)

==External links==
* {{wikipedia-inline}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Armstrong, Sally}}
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[[Category:Editors from Canada]]
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      <text bytes="2795" sha1="ohddymprya2zibx0q68vbxf3c2tcbzh" xml:space="preserve">'''{{w|Sally Armstrong (journalist)|Sally Wishart Armstrong}}''' (born 1943) is a Canadian journalist, magazine editor, human rights activist, documentary filmmaker, and author of several books, including four bestsellers: ''Veiled Threat: The Hidden Power of the Women of Afghanistan'' (2002), ''The Nine Lives of Charlotte Taylor'' (2007), ''Bitter Roots, Tender Shoots: The Uncertain Fate of Afghanistan’s Women'' (2008),  and ''Ascent of Women: A New Age Is Dawning for Every Mother’s Daughter'' (2013). She was made in 1998 an Officer of the {{w|Order of Canada}}.

{{journalist-stub}}
==Quotes==
* There's never been a better time in human history to be a woman. And despite the blowback from misguided [[politicians]], leftover {{w|Chauvinism#Male chauvinism|chauvinist}}s, and hypetmasculine {{w|Misogyny|misogynist}}s, women are closer to gaining {{w|Gender equality|equality}} than ever before. The journey ahead is bound to epic, and it will affect everything—our wallets, our jobs, our very future.
** {{cite book|chapter=Chapter One. In the Beginning(s)|title=Power Shift: The Longest Revolution{ The CBC Massey Lectures|publisher=House of Anansi|year=2019|isbn=9781487006808|chapter-url=https://books.google.com/books?id=JPOVDwAAQBAJ&amp;pg=PT8}} (304 pages)

* There’s this extraordinary attitude that women should be second-class, put down, punished, not included. It is absolutely extraordinary to me. It doesn’t matter whether you are in {{w|South Sudan}} or [[Iraq]], [[Afghanistan]] or [[China]] — it’s the same thing.
** as quoted by [https://www.stephaniavaralli.com/my-story.html Stephania Varalli] in: {{cite web|title=How Sally Armstrong went from phys-ed teacher to war correspondent: Top 25 Women of Influence Lifetime Achievement Award|date=February 2, 2020|website=Women of Influence (womenofinfluence.ca)|url=https://www.womenofinfluence.ca/2020/02/02/how-sally-armstrong-went-from-phys-ed-teacher-to-war-correspondent/}}

* Women and girls have been on a perilous journaly of [[oppression]] and also wit and survival.
** {{cite journal|title=THE PHOENIX IS YOU {{!}} Sally Armstrong {{!}} TEDxWesternU|journal=YouTube|date=February 28, 2024|url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uoFWGr3ki14&amp;t=355s}} (quote at 5:55 of 12:28 in video)

==External links==
* {{wikipedia-inline}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Armstrong, Sally}}
[[Category:1943 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Activists from Canada]]
[[Category:Editors from Canada]]
[[Category:Women journalists from Canada]]
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[[Category:Officers of the Order of Canada]]
[[Category:People from Montreal]]
[[Category:University of Toronto alumni]]
[[Category:Women activists from Canada]]
[[Category:Women authors from Canada]]
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      <text bytes="2760" sha1="f24b6bpo8529iuviw1d6ffo2f4cw40t" xml:space="preserve">'''{{w|Sally Armstrong (journalist)|Sally Wishart Armstrong}}''' (born 1943) is a Canadian journalist, magazine editor, human rights activist, documentary filmmaker, and author of several books, including four bestsellers: ''Veiled Threat: The Hidden Power of the Women of Afghanistan'' (2002), ''The Nine Lives of Charlotte Taylor'' (2007), ''Bitter Roots, Tender Shoots: The Uncertain Fate of Afghanistan’s Women'' (2008),  and ''Ascent of Women: A New Age Is Dawning for Every Mother’s Daughter'' (2013). She was made in 1998 an Officer of the {{w|Order of Canada}}.

{{journalist-stub}}
==Quotes==
* There's never been a better time in human history to be a woman. And despite the blowback from misguided [[politicians]], leftover {{w|Chauvinism#Male chauvinism|chauvinist}}s, and hypetmasculine {{w|Misogyny|misogynist}}s, women are closer to gaining {{w|Gender equality|equality}} than ever before. The journey ahead is bound to epic, and it will affect everything—our wallets, our jobs, our very future.
** {{cite book|chapter=Chapter One. In the Beginning(s)|title=Power Shift: The Longest Revolution{ The CBC Massey Lectures|publisher=House of Anansi|year=2019|isbn=9781487006808|chapter-url=https://books.google.com/books?id=JPOVDwAAQBAJ&amp;pg=PT8}} (304 pages)

* There’s this extraordinary attitude that women should be second-class, put down, punished, not included. It is absolutely extraordinary to me. It doesn’t matter whether you are in {{w|South Sudan}} or [[Iraq]], [[Afghanistan]] or [[China]] — it’s the same thing.
** as quoted by [https://www.stephaniavaralli.com/my-story.html Stephania Varalli] in: {{cite web|title=How Sally Armstrong went from phys-ed teacher to war correspondent: Top 25 Women of Influence Lifetime Achievement Award|date=February 2, 2020|website=Women of Influence (womenofinfluence.ca)|url=https://www.womenofinfluence.ca/2020/02/02/how-sally-armstrong-went-from-phys-ed-teacher-to-war-correspondent/}}

* Women and girls have been on a perilous journaly of [[oppression]] and also wit and survival.
** {{cite journal|title=THE PHOENIX IS YOU {{!}} Sally Armstrong {{!}} TEDxWesternU|journal=YouTube|date=February 28, 2024|url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uoFWGr3ki14&amp;t=355s}} (quote at 5:55 of 12:28 in video)

==External links==
* {{wikipedia-inline}}

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  <page>
    <title>Erna Brodber</title>
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      <text bytes="5120" sha1="omifl1dsm4nfixnpvqfhc94ovl5paqk" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Erna Brodber|Erna Brodber]]''' (born 20 April 1940; Woodside, [[Jamaica]]), is a writer, sociologist and social activist. Her sister [[Velma Pollard]] was also a writer. 

== Quotes ==  

===from interviews/conversations===
*not only do I want people to know the history of the underclass, but I want them to go investigate. So, engaging with my work should send you into further investigations into [[knowledge]]. So, it’s a stimulus to knowledge search. ([https://smallaxe.net/sxsalon/interviews/put-your-bucket-down 2015])

*…all sorts of things that don’t even look political got mixed up with the 1970s and the new politics. So, that was how, when I came here, how I viewed [[Michael Manley|Mr. Manley]] and Woodside. Anything that was out of the current order then was now possible. As if Mr. Manley had shattered some sort of glass globe and people could go inside and take what ideas they felt like having. It was really quite revolutionary, if unstructured. ([https://smallaxe.net/sxsalon/interviews/put-your-bucket-down 2015])

*I don’t know that the writers are aware enough of the rural. I mean, there’s nature, they will talk about the blue skies and they’ll talk about the roses, but—my models, which are deeply embedded in the soil, I’m not sure I see anybody else doing that. Because I’m a rural child, I understand these things, I want to understand them. So my metaphors will tend to be coming out of agriculture. ([https://smallaxe.net/sxsalon/interviews/put-your-bucket-down 2015])

====with [[Keshia Abraham]] (2004)====
in [https://bombmagazine.org/articles/2004/01/01/erna-brodber/ ''BOMB Magazine'']
*The business of being [[translated]]—it’s an honor if people from somewhere else, another language group, another culture, want to hear what you have to say.

*My work belongs to the people who are reading it. That’s how I hold with the work going away: people have the right to put their interpretation and their meaning into it—it is in the public arena. 

*…it’s not just a culture, it’s a history that needs to be preserved. There have been so many omissions in our history…that’s one of the things I set out to do: to preserve…[it] might have come from my knowledge of how people’s history gets distorted and stolen. 

*''Louisiana'' was part of my larger interest in Africa and diaspora, and the need for blacks of the diaspora, and to a certain extent of Africa, to know each other and to understand that you have to get through it together, for political purposes if nothing else…[it] was an attempt to say, “Look, we’re the same thing.” So it’s not just the preservation, it’s also the preaching

*People read about these things in something called “[[history]]” at school, but it’s not made to relate to your real life. You hear about the slaves, and who wants to be related to the slaves? They’re not people, they’re some creature that you read about. So why would you believe it happened to your people, or anywhere near you? So even if we’re doing all these things, you are not quite sure how much of it is sticking—but it’s worth a try.

*…you can’t [[Cultural assimilation|assimilate]] until you are something. Then you have something to give other people. My position is this: the universe, the universal, is beautiful, but if you imagine the world as a set of plates piled on each other, there’s this one that’s a little skewed because of a particular history in the New World: our history, that of the descendants of the slaves, is skewed, and it is at the bottom. And if you don’t settle that one, all the others will fall and crash. So that one has to be settled, has to know itself, so that it can take its place sitting firmly with all the other plates…It will continue to run away from us. People don’t know what it’s like, being snubbed for how you look, always being seen as the sniper or whatever. How can they know, unless we stick up for ourselves and say this is who we are.

== Quotes about ==
*Reading Dr. Erna Brodber’s novel ''Myal'' (1988) is a transformative experience that unchains both truths and memories and moves you to explore what she calls the “half that’s not been told”...A paragon of cultural memory, Brodber lives truly, completely and freely as a cultural historian, sociologist, novelist, teacher, community organizer, social activist, caregiver, mother, entrepreneur, healer and chronicler. 
**[[Keshia Abraham]] introducing [https://bombmagazine.org/articles/2004/01/01/erna-brodber/ interview] (2004)

*I think that what Erna Brodber is doing is wonderful because she's coming from that extremely spiritual dimension which is so powerful.
**[[Lorna Goodison]], interview with ''Wasafiri'' (1989)

== External links== 
{{Wikipedia}} 
*[https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/340763.Erna_Brodber Goodreads page]

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    <title>Simin Behbahani</title>
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      <text bytes="3908" sha1="3cl59f8i23lcicq9x4vxtppghb7z8fr" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Simin Behbahani|Simin Behbahani]]''', her surname also appears as '''Bihbahani''' (née Siminbar Khalili; Persian: سیمین بهبهانی; July 20 1927 - August 19 2014) was a poet, lyricist, and activist from Tehran, Iran.

{{author-stub}}
== Quotes ==  
=== Interview (2011) ===
translated from Persian by Nilou Mobasser, included in ''Iranian Writers Uncensored'' by Shiva Rahbaran (2012)

*Despite my age, I can almost say that I have never put pen to paper without worrying about censorship. The nightmare of censorship has always cast a shadow over my thoughts. Both under the previous state and under the Islamic state, I have said again and again that, when there is an apparatus for censorship that filters all writing, an apparatus comes into being in every writer’s mind that says: “Don’t write this, they won’t allow it to be published.” But the true writer must ignore these murmurings. The true writer must write. In the end, it will be published one day, on the condition that the writer writes the truth and does not dissemble. Of course, whenever censorship is stringent, most writers resort to metaphor and figurative and symbolic language. And this can help stimulate the imagination. But taking comfort from this fact doesn’t lessen the writer’s dream of attaining freedom.

*The ''Shāhnāmeh'' is the greatest epic in history. It is a treasure trove of ideas, wisdom, advice, help, guidance, and rites. With this immense work, [[Ferdowsi]] revived the spirit of serenity, magnanimity, and pride in the Iranian nation, which had lost itself under the weight of the Arab conquest of Iran. It empowered divided Iranian peoples to unite. Most of our poets, even those who worked as tyrannical kings’ eulogists, have used their poems to remind rulers of the right way to run the state, practice justice, and uphold the welfare of the people…In any age, writers have produced works which were in keeping with their society’s needs and which helped and guided the nation.

*the more sincere and intimate the relationship between a work and its reader, the better. So the countries that don’t have walls don’t need windows either, because the entire world is their field of vision and they can establish an unmediated relationship with their readers. I, in turn, envy them their free world.

*Being iconoclastic is only acceptable and desirable if the public—or at least a specific segment of society—is open to it. A literature that the public cannot relate to in any form will not endure. I have been iconoclastic, but I’ve never broken my ties with Iran’s past literature. No one can create a noteworthy work without knowing the tenets of their own language and literature. Language is renewed but it never changes its essence, because the contracts that have come about over time for communication cannot be rescinded so easily. It takes a thousand years before a word, among the thousands of words, dies away in a language or changes its meaning. Literature rests on language. It is a linguistic art. So it cannot sever its relationship with the past. But it can create new methods and styles that differ in structure, form, and content from the past.

== External links== 
{{Wikipedia}} 
*[https://poetryinvoice.ca/read/poets/simin-behbahani Poetry in Voice page]
*[https://www.iranchamber.com/literature/sbehbahani/simin_behbahani.php Iran Chamber Society page]
*[https://www.iranicaonline.org/articles/behbahani-simin-1-life/ Encyclopaedia Iranica page]

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  <page>
    <title>Maria Isabel Barreno</title>
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      <text bytes="1739" sha1="biv9o3a6cn5vledi34nfvl5cc1750cm" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Maria Isabel Barreno, Vila Nova de Cerveira Portugal 13.jpg|thumb|]]
'''[[w:Maria Isabel Barreno|Maria Isabel Barreno de Faria Martins]]''' GOIH (10 July 1939 – 3 September 2016) was a Portuguese writer, essayist, journalist and sculptor.

== Quotes ==

* ''O que podemos com elas em nosso favor e de mulher em mulher nos dizermos e contarmos do domínio que ainda somos, despojo hoje de guerreiros que se fingem companheiros em ajudada luta, mas que apenas pretendem montar-nos e serem cavaleiros de Marianas de outros cativeiros presas e monjas de diferentes conventos, sem disso se darem conta?''
** How can we use words to help us and talk to each other, [[woman]] to woman, and tell each other how '''we are still the property of men, the spoils today of warriors who pretend to be our comrades in the struggle, but who merely seek to mount us''' and be cavaliers of [[w:Mariana (poem)|Marianas]] who are prisoners in other prisons and nuns in different convents, without realizing it?
** ''{{w|New Portuguese Letters}}'' (1972). Translated by Helen R. Lane, ''The Three Marias: New Portuguese Letters'' (Bantam Books, 1976 [Doubleday, 1974]), Second Letter VII. Emphasis added. Quoted in Naim Attallah, ''Women'' (Quartet Books, 1987), p. 172

== See also ==
* [[Maria Teresa Horta]]
* [[w:Maria Velho da Costa|Maria Velho da Costa]]

== External links ==
* {{Wikipedia-inline}}

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  <page>
    <title>Max Freedom Pollard</title>
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      <text bytes="1492" sha1="2o8fk9kd5dv778f9jaur4nueputgqs0" xml:space="preserve">[[w:Max Freedom Pollard|Max Freedom Pollard]] (born 1993) is an Australian author.

== Quotes ==
=== ''ElementOP: The Imprinting Process In Humans'' (2025) ===
* &quot;there are two types of people, those who believe what Wikipedia says and those who don't.&quot;&lt;ref&gt;{{cite book |last=Pollard |first=Max Freedom |title=ElementOP: The Imprinting Process In Humans |publisher=Heritage Press |date=20 September 2025 |isbn=9798179013280 |page=77}}&lt;/ref&gt;

=== Instagram video during Sydney police standoff (2024) ===
* &quot;The sniper rifle is a little intimidating, I'm not going to lie.&quot;&lt;ref&gt;{{cite news |title=Accused's strange Instagram posts during 10-hour siege |work=The Daily Telegraph |location=Sydney |date=22 October 2024 |url=https://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/truecrimeaustralia/police-courts-nsw/cops-with-chainsaw-surround-unit-in-citys-east/news-story/8c2c69846bb47c61af00de1d3021c774 |access-date=19 October 2025}}&lt;/ref&gt;

=== Quoted By DailyMail UK (2024) ===
'They're terrorising Coogee, attacking and avoiding Australia's judiciary and the Commonwealth Government, and bragging about it'.&lt;ref&gt;{{cite news |title=Man locked in a tense 10-hour siege with cops posts bizarre videos during the ordeal |work=Daily Mail|location=Sydney |date=25 October 2024 |url=https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-13990775/Man-locked-tense-10-hour-siege-cops-post-bizarre-ordeal.html}}&lt;/ref&gt;

== References ==
&lt;references/&gt;

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    <title>Caillou (Season 1)</title>
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      <text bytes="11610" sha1="hjkmmlq14llxw7hiealbpgcpbay78gp" xml:space="preserve">===Caillou Makes Cookies [1.1a]===
:'''Doris''': Caillou, what are you making?
:'''Caillou''': ''[smiling softly]'' I'm making cookies.

===Caillou at Daycare [1.2b]===
:'''Leo''': ''[comes over to Caillou, but gets annoyed, and calls out to him]'' Hey! ''[snatches his one block from Caillou, causing the cup to spill over his shirt]'' These were my blocks!
:'''Caillou''': ''[fearfully looking at his shirt, gasps in terror, and gets terrified where a glass of apple juice was spilled over it out of the cup, which made himself loudly, badly, and sadly screaming, and crying, in tears in his eyes, for his mom]'' &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''MMM-O-O-O-MMMMMMYYY!!!!!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt; ''[getting very upset in sadness]''
:'''Leo''': ''[rudely laughs to Caillou, and impolitely makes fun of him needing his mom]'' Your mommy was gone. ''[smirkly walks away]''

===Caillou Joins the Circus (Eternally Suspended, Banned, and Censored Episode) [1.2c]===
:'''Caillou''': ''[while happily brushing his teeth, and remarks]'' I didn't need to be late for the circus.
:'''Boris''': ''[confused]'' Hmm? The circus? ''[concerned, while trying to explain]'' Uh... nope. Caillou, this was not today. ''[bored, while proving to Caillou that he was very wrong]'' The circus wasn't until tomorrow.
:'''Caillou''': ''[suddenly stops happily brushing his teeth before he gasps in terror, after he was incorrect, and gets too much distressed, and became terrified]'' Oh, no!!!!!! ''[getting very upset, and badly sadly whining, with his declaration]'' But it is today!!!!!! And I am getting all dressed!!!!!! ''[badly, and sadly crying, whining and sobbing with tears breaking down in his eyes, now being harassed by the fact that this was happening, over his big mistake]'' And that's today!!!!!!
:'''Boris''': ''[grumpily neglecting Caillou's challenges]'' Aaaaaaaawwwwwwww! Come along, Caillou! ''[calmly tells Caillou to come downstairs to the kitchen]'' Just come downstairs and help me make breakfast. ''[walks out of the bathroom]''
:'''Caillou''': ''[now very promptly getting very pissed, out of rage, angry, tabooed, enraged, indignant, stubborn, and upset at Boris, and losing his temper, for pissing, enraging, and angering him, and denies, and won't come downstairs to the kitchen to help his dad make breakfast]'' No!!!!!! No, I can't do that!!!!!! ''[angrily, indignantly, and stubbornly sits down on the floor, and indignantly, stubbornly, and angrily growls with his mouth close, and his eyes open, then picks up his nearby toy car out of the toy bucket, to make himself feel a little better]'' Vroom, vroom, vroom! ''[mockingly vrooming, and playing his nearby toy car, with his very upset, pissed, stubborn, and angry face on, but until one of the wheels unintentionally got loose, and fell off on the floor, and then he gasps in terror, and became terrified again, and then picks up his nearby toy car, and then getting even more very pissed, selfish, hurtful, out of rage, sad, fierce, bad-tempered, enraged, stubborn, indignant, terrible, tabooed, disgusted, upset, angry, dangerous, rude, mean, and violent, and stubbornly, loudly, fiercely, badly, sadly, stubbornly, terribly, rudely, indignantly, and violently outbursting into stubbornly, loudly, fiercely, badly, sadly, stubbornly, terribly, rudely, indignantly, and violently screaming, crying, shouting, and calling his nearby toy car a very bad, stronger, profane, disgusting, indignant, mean, rude, and hurtful word, disregarding, and repeatedly using several times, for name calling, but ignoring that it could hurt feelings, with tears breaking down in his eyes, and his eyes close, very tightly, and violently, fiercely, badly, stubbornly, terribly, rudely, indignantly, and angrily shaking his nearby toy car]'' &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''You stupid, ol' car!!!!!! You are stupid!!!!!!-Stupid!!!!!!-Stupid!!!!!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt; ''[violently, badly, fiercely, stubbornly, terribly, rudely, indignantly, and angrily growling, with his eyes close, very tightly, and his mouth close, and badly, fiercely, stubbornly, angrily, terribly, rudely, indignantly, and violently throwing, and slamming his nearby toy car down on the floor away, when violently, badly, fiercely, stubbornly, angrily, stubbornly, terribly, and indignantly causing it to violently, fiercely, badly, completely, and terribly ruin, damage, wreck, break, destroy, and smash it into thousands of pieces on purpose, and then indignantly, badly, loudly, sadly, fiercely, stubbornly, rudely, violently, and angrily screaming, shrieking, and crying, and bursting, and breaking down with tears coming out of his eyes, and while violently, angrily, badly, indignantly, loudly, fiercely, sadly, terribly, rudely, and stubbornly having, and throwing himself a really violent, gigantic, huge temper tantrum, in inertia, and violently, fiercely, terribly, sadly, badly, stubbornly, rudely, indignantly, and angrily having his really bad, too inappropriate, hurtful, dangerous, and violent misbehavior, and terribly, fiercely, badly, sadly, stubbornly, rudely, indignantly, violently, and angrily hurting, pounding, and banging his arms, and  fists, and terribly, fiercely, badly, sadly, stubbornly, rudely, indignantly, angrily, and violently hurting, and kicking his legs, and feet against on the floor over his completely ruined, damaged, wrecked, broken, destroyed, and smashed nearby toy car, and not coming to the circus today, and denies, and won't wait until tomorrow]'' &lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:'''Storyteller''': ''[off-screen]'' Caillou was being a very bad boy now. But he was not coming to the circus today.
:'''Boris''': ''[angrily, terribly, and rudely stunned, when angrily, terribly, and rudely hears Caillou, and was now getting very enraged, angry, terrible, and rude at him, in the approach, because of him, badly, sadly, fiercely, terribly, violently, stubbornly, angrily, rudely, and indignantly having his really bad, violent, dangerous, hurtful, and too inappropriate misbehavior, and terribly, fiercely, badly, sadly, rudely, violently, indignantly, stubbornly, and angrily outbursting having, and throwing himself a really violent, huge, gigantic, and temper tantrum, in inertia, and disgust, and terribly, loudly, fiercely, badly, sadly, stubbornly, violently, rudely, indignantly, and angrily screaming, shrieking, shouting, and crying a very bad, disgusting, rude, indignant, stronger, profane, hurtful, and mean word, disregarding, in violence, fierce, terror, indignant, anger, danger, disgust, and sadness, for name calling, and that he hurts feelings, and was now coming back to the bathroom, and returning to the bathroom, and angrily, terribly, and rudely growling, and running over Caillou, by making him stop outbursting, having, and throwing himself a really violent, gigantic, and huge temper tantrum, in inertia, and having his really bad violent, dangerous, hurtful, and too inappropriate misbehavior, and now arriving this time, while holding Rosie, who was very scared, upset, and was crying, breaking down with tears in her eyes, when Caillou was waking her up, by badly, sadly, violently, stubbornly, fiercely, terribly, rudely, indignantly, and angrily outbursting, having, and throwing himself a really violent, gigantic, amd huge temper tantrum, in inertia, and badly, sadly, violently, stubbornly, fiercely, terribly, rudely, indignantly, and angrily having his really bad, violent, dangerous, hurtful, and too inappropriate misbehavior, and was loudly, angrily, terribly, and rudely shouting, and screaming at Caillou, and was angrily, terribly, and rudely blaming him for not coming downstairs to the kitchen, and was looking like he was angrily, terribly, and rudely getting ready to angrily, terribly, and rudely punish him, for one whole day, for the very first time, for violently, angrily, badly, indignantly, loudly, fiercely, sadly, terribly, rudely, and stubbornly outbursting, having, and throwing himself a really violent, gigantic, huge temper tantrum, in inertia, over not coming to the circus today, and violently, fiercely, terribly, sadly, badly, stubbornly, rudely, indignantly, and angrily having his really bad, hurtful, too inappropriate, dangerous, and violent misbehavior, and loudly, fiercely, badly, sadly, stubbornly, terribly, rudely, indignantly, and violently screaming, crying, and shouting a very bad, stronger, profane, disgusting, indignant, mean, rude, and hurtful word, disregarding, and repeatedly using several times, for name calling, and that he hurts feelings]'' Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!! Get along, Caillou!!!!!! Stop all that racket!!!!!! You are waking up Rosie!!!!!! ''[still significantly, roughly, seriously, and sternly commands Caillou that he will still immediately come downstairs to the kitchen to help him make breakfast quickly]'' I need you to come right down the stairs, now.
:'''Storyteller''': ''[off-screen]'' Even though, Caillou's dad has started to get really angry at him. ''[Boris angrily, terribly, and rudely strikes, and glares at Caillou, while angrily, terribly, and rudely growling again at him, with his mouth close, and his eyes open, and before angrily, terribly, and rudely growling again, with his mouth open, his eyes open, and his teeth close, and turns around, while angrily, terribly, and rudely stomping away out from the bathroom, and angrily, terribly, and rudely stomping away downstairs to the kitchen, holding Rosie, who was very upset, scared, and crying, breaking down with tears in her eyes]''
:'''Caillou''': ''[gets terrified again, after he badly, sadly, fiercely, terribly, indignantly, stubbornly, regretfully, and angrily misjudged, confronted, and disobeyed Boris, and his order, and got in big trouble, and was punished, for one whole day, for the very first time, and got very pissed, hurtful, frustrated, out of rage, tabooed, upset, bad-tempered, angry, indignant, fierce, stubborn, enraged, terrible, sad, panicky, scared, and regretful, then gets up, angrily, badly, fiercely, stubbornly, terribly, sadly, indignantly, and regretfully grunting, sobbing, whining, and crying with tears in his eyes]'' But why can't I go to the circus today?!!!?!!! ''[angrily, badly, indignantly, fiercely, stubbornly, and terribly growling again with his mouth close, when angrily, badly, indignantly, fiercely, stubbornly, and terribly kicking aside his completely ruined, damaged, wrecked, broken, destroyed, and smashed nearby toy car away on the floor, and started indignantly, angrily, badly, fiercely, stubbornly, terribly, sadly, and regretfully running away from the bathroom, indignantly, angrily, badly, fiercely, stubbornly, terribly, sadly, and regretfully storming off from the bathroom, and indignantly, angrily, badly, fiercely, stubbornly, terribly, sadly, and regretfully running after Boris, feeling very indignant, scared, fierce, enraged, tabooed, bad-tempered, panicky, sad, stubborn, regretful, terrible, angry, out of rage, pissed, hurtful, frustrated, and upset, over not coming to the circus today, until tomorrow, but about him wanting to go to the circus today, badly, sadly, fiercely, terribly, angrily, stubbornly, and indignantly confronting, whining, sobbing, sniffing, grunting, and crying, about his punishment, for the very first time, that he got, for one whole day, breaking down with tears in his eyes, before coming downstairs to the kitchen to help his dad make breakfast, but still denies, and won't help him make breakfast]'' I want to go to the circus today!!!!!!</text>
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    <title>Category:Women politicians in Syria</title>
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  <page>
    <title>The Founder</title>
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[[File:Historic Downey McDonalds and Museum.jpg|thumb|It could be said that that beautiful building flanked by those arches... signifies more or less the same thing. It doesn't just say, &quot;Delicious hamburgers inside&quot;... They signify family. It signifies community.]]
[[File:McDonalds Orchard Center Calvertion MD 2023-03-01 08-55-07.jpg|thumb|That glorious name, &quot;McDonald's&quot;. It could be... anything you want it to be. It's limitless, it's wide open. It sounds, uh... it sounds like... it [[w:Americana (culture)|sounds like America]].]]
'''''[[w:The Founder|The Founder]]''''' is a [[w:2016 in film|2016]] drama film depicting the story of [[Ray Kroc]]'s creation of the [[McDonald's]] fast-food restaurant chain.
:''Directed by [[w:John Lee Hancock|John Lee Hancock]]. Written by [[w:Robert Siegel (filmmaker)|Robert Siegel]].''
{{center|'''Risk Taker. Rule Breaker. Game Changer.''' [[#Taglines|Taglines]]}}

==Ray Kroc==
* ''[first lines]'' I know what you're thinkin'... What the heck do I need a 5-spindle for... when I barely sell enough milkshakes to justify my single-spindle. Right? Wrong. Are you familiar with the notion of the [[w:Chicken or the egg|chicken or the egg]]? Mr. Griffith, I mentioned... that there'd be costs. Well, I think it applies here. Do you not need the multimixer because, well heck, you're not selling enough milkshakes. Or are you not selling enough milkshakes because you don't have a multimixer? I firmly believe it's the latter. Because your customer comes in here and he knows if he orders a shake from your establishment... that well, he's in for a terrific wait. He's done it before and he thinks to himself, well, by golly, I'm not gonna make that mistake again. But if ya had the Prince Castle, 5-spindle, multimixer... with patented direct-drive electric motor we'd greatly increase your ability to produce... delicious, frosty milkshakes, FAST. Mark my words. Dollars to donuts, you'll be sellin' more of those sons-of-bitches... than you can shake a stick at. You increase the supply, and the demand will follow... Increase supply, demand follows. Chicken, egg. Do you follow my logic? I know you do because you're a bright, forward thinking guy who... knows a good idea when he hears one. So... What do you say?

* Now, I know what you're thinkin'. How the heck does a 52-year-old, over-the-hill milkshake-machine salesman... build a fast-food empire with 16,000 restaurants, in 50 states, in 5 foreign countries... with an annual revenue of in the neighborhood of $700,000,000.00... One word... PERSISTENCE. [[Calvin_Coolidge|Nothing in this world can take the place of good old persistence. Talent won't. Nothing's more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius won't. Unrecognized genius is practically a cliche. Education won't. Why the world is full of educated fools. Persistence and determination alone are all powerful.]] ... It's these core principles... that enabled me to rise to the top of a heap... at a point in life when most men would be thinking about retirement. Why, we appear to have that in common, [[w:Governorship of Ronald Reagan|governer Reagan]].

* I'm looking for a few good men... and women. Who aren't afraid of hard work. Aren't afraid to roll up their sleeves. I'm looking for scrappers, hustlers, guys that are willing to roll up their sleeves. They're livin' on drive, they got a little fire in their belly. I stand right here before you today, I'm gonna offer you something as precious as gold. And you know what that is? Anybody? Anybody? Opportunity. It's opportunity. Opportunity. Opportunity to advance, to move forward, to move up, to advance... To succeed. To win. To step up. The sky's the limit. The sky is the limit. Grab the brass ring. To give yourself a shot at the American dream. Put your arms around the American dream. Opportunity. 'Cause I'll tell ya somethin'... At McDonald's? It's like this great nation of ours... Some of that elbow grease. I guarantee ya, if you got the guts... the gumption, the desire... I guarantee ya you can succeed. There's gold to be had. At the end of... those Golden Arches... Golden Arches. Golden Arches. Now who's with me? Who wants to jump on that ladder to success? Be part of the McDonald's &quot;mishpokhe&quot;. Now who's with me? Come on, lemme see some hands.

* A couple of Illinois boys. Made good. Only in America. Only in America. Only in America!

* McDonald's... is... family. Isn't that great? You know what I see when I see that? Family. We're one big family. Aren't we? We have mouths to feed. That's a family.

* If you've got time to lean, then you've got time to clean.

* ''[to Ethel during dinner]'' I want a divorce.

* ''[during the end credits]'' Nobody had eight multi-mixers in one business. So I went out there. And I was amazed! They were serving hamburgers for fifteen cents. French fries for ten cents and milkshakes for twenty cents. And basically that was the menu, and I said, that's for me. Now I have ultimatums, you know. Except that I'd like to be able to say that. I bought the agreement back from them for two million, seven hundred thousand dollars. I got the name, the golden arches, basically it was a matter of me working longer and harder than anybody else. I'll take every resource that I have and I'll put it in and I'll go for broke if I believe in it. The only thing I could do besides play the piano, was to talk. What happened to my talk? It's not dog eat dog out there in that competitive world, it's more like rat eat rat.

==Dialogue==
:'''Dick McDonald''': I just have to ask you one thing. Something I've never understood.
:'''Ray Kroc''': All right.
:'''Dick McDonald''': That day we met, when we gave you the tour...
:'''Ray Kroc''': Uh-huh. What about it?
:'''Dick McDonald''': We showed you everything. The whole system, all our secrets. We were an open book. So why didn't you just-
:'''Ray Kroc''': Steal it? Just, grab your ideas and run off start my own business using all those ideas of yours. It- it would have failed.
:'''Dick McDonald''': How do you know?
:'''Ray Kroc''': Am I the only one who got the kitchen tour? You must have invited lots of people back there, huh?
:'''Dick McDonald''': And?
:'''Ray Kroc''': How many of them succeeded?
:'''Dick McDonald''': Lots of people started restaurants.
:'''Ray Kroc''': As big as McDonald's?
:'''Dick McDonald''': Of course not.
:'''Ray Kroc''': No one ever has and no one ever will because they all lacked that ''one thing'', that makes McDonald's special.
:'''Dick McDonald''': Which is?
:'''Ray Kroc''': Even ''you'' don't know what it is.
:'''Dick McDonald''': Enlighten me.
:'''Ray Kroc''': It's not just the system, Dick. It's the name. That glorious name, &quot;McDonald's&quot;. It could be... anything you want it to be. It's limitless, it's wide open. It sounds, uh... it sounds like... it sounds like America. That's compared to Kroc. &quot;What a crock. What a load of crock&quot;. Would you eat at a place named Kroc's? Kroc's has that blunt, Slavic sound. &quot;Kroc's&quot;. But McDonald's, oh boy. That's a beauty. Yeah... a guy named McDonald? He's never gonna get pushed around in life.
:'''Dick McDonald''': ''[scoffs]'' That's clearly not the case.
:'''Ray Kroc''': So, you ''don't'' have a check for 1.35 million dollars in your pocket? Bye, Dick.
:'''Dick McDonald''': So if you can't beat'em, buy'em.
[[File:Ray Kroc - Founder card.png|thumb|I remember the first time I saw that name stretched across your stand out there. It was love at first sight. I knew right then and there... I had to have it. And now I do.]]
:'''Ray Kroc''': I remember the first time I saw that name stretched across your stand out there. It was love at first sight. I knew right then and there... I had to have it. And now I do.
:'''Dick McDonald''': You don't have it.
:'''Ray Kroc''': You sure about that? Bye, Dick.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
[[File:Mcdonald (51428650633).jpg|thumb|&quot;Where do I eat it?&quot;&lt;br&gt;&quot;''In your car, at the park, at home.'' Wherever you like.&quot;]]
:'''Employee (San Bernadino)''': Hi, welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order?
:'''Ray Kroc''': Yeah, I'll have a hamburger, french fries, and a Coca-Cola.
:'''Employee (San Bernadino)''': That'll be 35 cents, please.
:'''Ray Kroc''': All right.
:''[Gives him 50 cents]''
:'''Employee (San Bernadino)''': 15 cents is your change.
:''[Gives it to him, then turns around and grabs a bag and a drink with a straw in it, and sets it in front of him]''
:'''Employee (San Bernadino)''': Here you are.
:'''Ray Kroc''': ''[Points to it]'' What's this?
:'''Employee (San Bernadino)''': Your food.
:'''Ray Kroc''': No, no, no, I just ordered.
:'''Employee (San Bernadino)''': And now it's here.
:'''Ray Kroc''': ''[Seems hesitant]'' You sure?
:''[the employee nods]''
:'''Ray Kroc''': All right.
:''[Goes to grab it, but is still hesitant]''
:'''Ray Kroc''': Where's the umm... the silverware and plates and everything?
:'''Employee (San Bernadino)''': You just eat it straight out of the wrapper, and then you throw it all out.
:'''Ray Kroc''': Really? OK.
:''[Grabs the order, turns to go, but turns back again]''
:'''Ray Kroc''': Where do I eat it?
:'''Employee (San Bernadino)''': ''[Appears uneasy himself answering his questions]'' In your car, at the park, at home. Wherever you like.
:'''Ray Kroc''': OK. OK. OK, thank you.
:''[Leaves the window and sits down to eat]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ray Kroc''': Look, if you don't wanna make a profit, that's fine. But don't stop the rest of us.
:'''Dick McDonald''': Us?
:'''Ray Kroc''': Us, as in everyone but you.
:'''Dick McDonald''': Who did you send them to?
:'''Ray Kroc''': Everyone but you.
:'''Dick McDonald''': You have no right. You are to stop this instant, is that clear?
:'''Ray Kroc''': Nah...
:'''Dick McDonald''': What the hell does that mean, nah? You will abide by the terms of your deal.
:'''Ray Kroc''': I am through taking marching orders from you... You and your endless parade of NOs. Constantly cowering in the face of progress.
:'''Dick McDonald''': If phony powdered milkshakes is your idea of progress, you have a profound misunderstand of what McDonald's is about.
:'''Ray Kroc''': I have a far greater understanding of McDonald's than you two yokels.
:'''Dick McDonald''': What? You will do as we say.
:'''Ray Kroc''': Nope.
:'''Dick McDonald''': You have a contract!
:'''Ray Kroc''': You know, contracts are like hearts: they're made to be broken.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ray Kroc''': Ya know what, I drove through a lot of towns. A lot of small towns. And they all had two things in common... They had a courthouse and they had a church. On top of the church, got a cross... and on top of the courthouse they have a flag. Flags, crosses, crosses flags. Driving around I just cannot stop thinking about this tremendous restaurant. Now at the risk of sounding blasphemous... forgive me. Those arches have a lot in common with those buildings. A building with a cross on top, what is that? It's a gathering place... where decent wholesome people come together and they share values protected by that American flag. It could be said that that beautiful building flanked by those arches... signifies more or less the same thing. It doesn't just say, &quot;Delicious hamburgers inside&quot;... They signify family. It signifies community. It's a place where Americans come together to break bread. I am telling you... McDonald's can be... the new American church. Feeding bodies and feeding souls and it ain't just open on Sundays, boys. It's open 7 days a week. Crosses... Flags... Arches.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ray Kroc''': While you two boys were content to sit back and become a couple of also-rans... I wanna take the future. I wanna win. And you don't get there by being some &quot;aw shucks&quot; guy sap. There's no place in business for people like that. Business is war. It's dog eat dog, rat eat rat. If my competitor were drowning, I'd walk over and put a hose right in his mouth. Can you say the same?
:'''Mac McDonald''': ''[pause]'' I can't. Nor would I want to.
:'''Ray Kroc''': Hence, your single location.
:'''Mac McDonald''': We want you out of this company, Ray.
:'''Ray Kroc''': Mac, how do you propose we do that?
:'''Mac McDonald''': We will sue you, whatever it takes.
:'''Ray Kroc''': And you'd probably win. But you can't afford to sue me. I'd bury you in court costs alone. Mac, I'm the president and C.E.O. of a major corporation with land holdings in 17 states... You run a burger stand in the desert. I'm national. You're fucking local.
:''[Mac collapses]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ray Kroc''': What's your name?
:'''Leonard Rosenblatt''': Leonard. Leonard Rosenblatt.
:'''Ray Kroc''': Rosenblatt? What's a Jew doing selling Catholic Bibles?
:'''Leonard Rosenblatt''': Making a living.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Divorce Lawyer''': When quietly trying to settle a divorce, the first thing to ask is, what will she want? And is her request reasonable and equitable, in terms of marital property. There's a house, a car, savings and checking accounts, insurance.
:'''Ray Kroc''': Just give it to her. House, car, insurance.
:'''Divorce Lawyer''': What about the business?
:'''Ray Kroc''': ''[smiles]'' Nope.
:'''Divorce Lawyer''': Ray, you have to understand, she's-
:'''Ray Kroc''': Let me explain something to you. That's never going to happen. I would sooner die, than give her one share of stock in McDonald's.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dick McDonald''': A hothead like that, you don't know what he's capable of.
:'''Mac McDonald''': It's all bluster, Dick. His bark is worse than his bite.
:'''Dick McDonald''': That's what [[Neville Chamberlain]] said.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ray Kroc''': I was by your restaurant today too.
:'''Jerry Cullen''': And, what about it?
:'''Ray Kroc''': What about it? You got corn on the cob, you got fried chicken.
:'''Jerry Cullen''': People love fried chicken.
:'''Ray Kroc''': Do they? Well let them go somewhere where they serve fried chicken and your kitchen is filthy, like what the hell is the matter with you guys?
:'''Jerry Cullen''': Look, Ray, I don't know about you, but I'm retired.
:'''Jack Horford''': You said this would be a good place to park our money. It's an investment.
:'''Jerry Cullen''': If I wanted a job, I would have applied for a cook position.
:'''Ray Kroc''': You couldn't get a job as a cook at one of my restaurants.
:''[Ray angrily throws the burger at Jerry and storms off]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mac McDonald''': ''[giving Kroc his first tour of McDonald's]'' Speed. That's the name of the game. The first stop for every McDonald's hamburger is the grill. Manned by two cooks, whose sole job it is to cook those all-beef beauties to perfection. Meanwhile, as the patty cooks, our dressers get the buns ready. Watch out. Burger crossing!
:'''McDonald's Employees''': Burger crossing!
:'''Mac McDonald''': Every McDonald's burger has two pickles, a pinch of onions, and a precise shot of ketchup and mustard.
:'''Ray Kroc''': ''[points to the ketchup and mustard despensers]'' Now, where did you get those?
:'''Mac McDonald''': We made them.
:'''Ray Kroc''': Made them?
:'''Mac McDonald''': Yes, custom-built. The whole kitchen is. Next, this is the finishing station where we put the whole thing together. And...
:''[leads Ray to the end of the line, holding up a wrapped hamburger]''
:'''Mac McDonald''': Voila! A fresh, delicious burger from grill to counter in 30 seconds.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Harry J. Sonneborn''': So to summarize, you have a minuscule revenue stream. No cash reserves. And an albatross of a contract that requires you to go through a slow approval process to enact changes if they're approved at all.
:'''Ray Kroc''': Which they never are.
:'''Harry J. Sonneborn''': Am I missing anything?
:'''Ray Kroc''': That about sums it up.
:'''Harry J. Sonneborn''': Tell me about the land.
:'''Ray Kroc''': The... land?
:'''Harry J. Sonneborn''': The land, the buildings, how that whole aspect of it works.
:'''Ray Kroc''': Oh, pretty simple really. Franchisee finds a piece of land he likes. Gets a lease, usually 20 years. Takes out a construction loan, throws up a building and off he goes.
:'''Harry J. Sonneborn''': So the operator selects the site.
:'''Ray Kroc''': Yeah.
:'''Harry J. Sonneborn''': He picks the property?
:'''Ray Kroc''': Right.
:'''Harry J. Sonneborn''': You provide the training, the system, the operational know-how, and he's responsible for the rest?
:'''Ray Kroc''': Is there a problem?
:'''Harry J. Sonneborn''': A big one. You don't seem to realize what business you're in. You're not in the burger business. You're in the real estate business. You don't build an empire off a 1.4 percent cut of a 15-cent hamburger. You build it by owning the land upon which that burger is cooked. What you ought to be doing is buying up plots of land then turning around and leasing said plots to franchisees who as a condition of their deal, should be permitted to lease from you and you alone. This will provide you with two things. One, a steady, up-front revenue stream. Money flows in before the first stake is in the ground. Two, greater capital for expansion. Which in turn fuels further land acquisition, which in turn fuels further expansion and so on and so on. Land. That's where the money is.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ray Kroc''': Let me explain something to you, Dick... You boys have full say over what goes on inside the restaurants. But outside, above, below... your authority stops at the door. And at the floor. All right?
:'''Mac McDonald''': What is he saying?
:'''Dick McDonald''': He's buying the land.
:'''Mac McDonald''': Our land?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ray Kroc''': ''[Ray shoves a burger in Jack's face as he is about to tee off]'' What is this?
:'''Jack Horford''': It appears to be a hamburger.
:'''Ray Kroc''': It's not a McDonald's hamburger.
:''[Ray lifts off the bun, showing the flaws]''
:'''Ray Kroc''': Too much ketchup. Three pickles, not two. Lettuce. Lettuce, Jack?
:'''Jack Horford''': Do you think we could discuss this later? We're in the middle of...
:'''Ray Kroc''': ''[interrupts and shows Jack the inside of the hamburger]'' And the patty, tragically overcooked.
:'''Jerry Cullen''': I don't know, Ray, looks good to me.
:'''Ray Kroc''': ''[glaring]'' What the heck would you know about quality?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mac McDonald''': ''[telling Kroc the story behind starting McDonald's]'' Well, we were young and hungry. There wasn't a job to be had in all of New Hampshire, so we decided to pack our bags and head west, to Hollywood. I wanted to be in the movie business, and Dick, well, he wanted to be...
:'''Dick McDonald''': Employed.
:'''Mac McDonald''': So, we landed jobs at Columbia Pictures, driving trucks.
:'''Ray Kroc''': Huh.
:'''Mac McDonald''': And after a few years, we've had enough saved to buy our own little piece of show business-a beautiful little movie theatre in Glendora, which would've been swell-except for the timing: it was September of '29.
:'''Ray Kroc''': ''[cringes]'' Oooh.
:'''Mac McDonald''': One minute, we're screening The Gold Diggers of Broadway, and the next it's &quot;Brother, can you spare a dime?&quot;
:'''Dick McDonald''': I couldn't.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mac McDonald''': So, we moved the restaurant, we're setting up shop, but now we wanna do a few tweaks, because now it's 1940 and drive-ins are all the rage. I mean, they're the hottest thing going, and I say, &quot;Dick, we gotta get in on this,&quot; and Dick says...
:'''Dick McDonald''': Okay.
:'''Mac McDonald''': And two months later, we opened for business: McDonald's Famous BBQ. 27-item menu, uniformed waitresses, bring your food right to the car, and it goes gangbusters. We're going &quot;great guns!&quot; But then, sales started to level off.
:'''Dick McDonald''': The drive-in model, as we've learned, has a few built-in problems.
:'''Ray Kroc''': Tell me about it.
:'''Dick McDonald''': I mean, for starters, there's the customer issue. Drive-ins tend to attract, shall we say, a less-than-desirable clientele.
:'''Mac McDonald''': Teenagers.
:'''Dick McDonald''': Hot-rodders and hooligans. Juvenile delinquents in blue jeans. And then, there's the service. It takes forever and a day for your food to arrive, and when it finally does...
:'''Ray Kroc''': It's usually wrong.
:'''Dick McDonald''': Yeah, the carhops are too busy dodging gropes to remember that you wanted strawberry phosphate, not cherry.
:'''Ray Kroc''': Well, that's a thing to remember at all.
:'''Mac McDonald''': And then, there's the expenses. The huge payroll due to the large staff required, dishes being constantly broken or stolen.
:'''Dick McDonald''': Tremendous overhead.
:'''Mac McDonald''': So, one day, Dick has a realization. He sees that the bulk of our sales are in only three items: Hamburgers, french fries, and soft drinks.
:'''Dick McDonald''': 87%.
:'''Mac McDonald''': So, we say to ourselves, let's focus on what sells. And that's exactly what we do. Brisket, gone. Tamales, gone. But, we don't stop there. We look at everything. What else don't we need?
:'''Dick McDonald''': Turns out, quite a lot.
:'''Mac McDonald and Dick McDonald''': Carhops?
:'''Dick McDonald''': Walk up to a window, get your food yourself.
:'''Mac McDonald''': Dishes?
:'''Dick McDonald''': All-paper packaging, disposable.
:'''Mac McDonald''': Cigarette machines, jukeboxes.
:'''Dick McDonald''': Drive out the riff-raff.
:'''Ray Kroc''': Creating a family-friendly environment.
:'''Mac McDonald''': But that's not enough.
:'''Ray Kroc''': Alright.
:'''Mac McDonald''': See, our whole lives, we'd piggy-backed off other people's ideas. We wanted something that wasn't just different, it had to be better. It needed to be ours, and that's what brings us to the biggest cut of all.
:'''Ray Kroc''': Which was?
:'''Mac McDonald''': The wait.
:'''Dick McDonald''': Orders ready in 30 seconds, not 30 minutes.

==Taglines==
* Risk taker. Rule breaker. Game changer.
* He took someone else's idea and America ate it up.
* You've had their food, but do you know their story?
* In the world of business, it's founders keepers.

==Cast==
* [[w:Michael Keaton|Michael Keaton]] - [[w:Ray Kroc|Ray Kroc]]
* [[w:Nick Offerman|Nick Offerman]] - [[w:Richard and Maurice McDonald|Richard &quot;Dick&quot; McDonald]]
* [[w:John Carroll Lynch|John Carroll Lynch]] - [[w:Maurice &quot;Mac&quot; McDonald|Maurice &quot;Mac&quot; McDonald]]
* [[w:Linda Cardellini|Linda Cardellini]] - [[w:Joan Kroc|Joan Smith]]
* [[w:B. J. Novak|B. J. Novak]] - [[w:Harry J. Sonneborn|Harry J. Sonneborn]]
* [[w:Laura Dern|Laura Dern]] - Ethel Kroc
* Justin Randell Brooke - [[w:Fred L. Turner|Fred Turner]]
* Kate Kneeland - [[w:June Martino|June Martino]]
* [[w:Patrick Wilson|Patrick Wilson]] - Rollie Smith
* [[w:Griff Furst|Griff Furst]] - Jim Zien
* [[w:Wilbur Fitzgerald|Wilbur Fitzgerald]] - Jerry Cullen
* [[w:Afemo Omilami|Afemo Omilami]] - Mr. Merriman

==External links==
{{Wikipedia}}
* {{imdb title|id=4276820}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Founder, The}}
[[Category:2016 films]]
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[[Category:Biographical films]]
[[Category:Business films]]
[[Category:Historical films]]
[[Category:Films based on true stories]]
[[Category:Films about food and drink]]</text>
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    <title>2026 Iran war</title>
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      <timestamp>2026-05-18T22:12:54Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>GrimRob</username>
        <id>1187925</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* 2025 */  pre-dates war and was about Israel (doesn't belong on this page)</comment>
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      <text bytes="77291" sha1="5l6f6aakz80fyc527990p4xwd4k66e0" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Pirate Flag of Jack Rackham.svg|thumb|We took over the ship; we took over the cargo, took over the oil. It’s a very profitable business . . . We’re like pirates. We’re sort of like pirates. - Trump[https://geopoliticaleconomy.com/2026/05/09/trump-pirates-iran-ships-china-us-sanctions/]]]

[[File:Flag of the United States Secretary of the Army.svg|thumb|God is good~Hegseth[https://www.cnn.com/2026/04/06/politics/hegseth-trump-iran-war-easter-christianity-analysis ]]][[File:TrinityDetonation1945GIF.gif|thumb|If there's no ceasefire, you're just going to have to look at one big glow coming out of Iran. President DJT[https://www.skynews.com.au/world-news/united-states/one-big-glow-coming-out-of-iran-trumps-wild-threat-as-he-hints-peace-deal-talks-might-collapse/video/8a668c00deaff3d27568bc78441e4a29 ]]]
[[File:Seal_of_the_Army_of_the_Guardians_of_the_Islamic_Revolution.svg|thumb|Having an atomic bomb is used to scare the enemy, and we should not use this bomb on the people in any way, unless it happens.[http://didbaniran.ir/fa/tiny/news-281553 Nataj]]][[File:Donald Trump OEF.jpg|thumb|Trump: &quot;I think the war is very complete, pretty much&quot; (Mar 9th)]]
On 28 February 2026, [[Israel]] and the [[United States]] launched a '''[[w:2026 Iran War|coordinated joint attack]]''' on multiple sites in [[Iran]], sparking a major conflict. The operation, codenamed '''Operation Roaring Lion''' and '''Operation Epic Fury''' by the [[w:United States Department of Defense|U.S. Department of Defense]], targeted senior Iranian officials, military command centers, and key strategic facilities, with the declared aim of [[w:regime change|regime change]]. The attack included the [[w:Assassination of Ali Khamenei|assassination]] of Iran’s second [[w:Supreme Leader of Iran|Supreme Leader]], [[Ali Khamenei]].

The strikes began in the cities of [[Tehran]], [[w:Isfahan|Isfahan]], [[w:Qom|Qom]], [[w:Karaj|Karaj]], and [[w:Kermanshah|Kermanshah]]. Several Iranian government figures were killed, including [[w:Ali Shamkhani|Ali Shamkhani]], the secretary of the [[w:Supreme National Security Council|Supreme National Security Council]]. Witnesses reported explosions across multiple regions. Israeli Defense Minister [[w:Israel Katz|Israel Katz]] confirmed that the [[w:Israel Defense Forces|Israel Defense Forces]] had conducted the strikes. [[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]], in a video posted on [[w:Truth Social|Truth Social]], announced that the United States had joined Israel in launching attacks against Iran.

In retaliation, Iranian forces launched dozens of [[w:Unmanned aerial vehicles in the Iranian military|drones]] and [[w:ballistic missiles|ballistic missiles]] across the [[w:Persian Gulf|Persian Gulf]], targeting Israel as well as U.S. military installations in [[Jordan]], [[Kuwait]], [[w:Bahrain|Bahrain]], [[Qatar]], [[Iraq]], [[Saudi Arabia]], and the [[United Arab Emirates]].
[[File:Khamenei last end year 5458884.jpg|thumb|The newly supreme appointed leader should deliver message of the peace to world and declare new era in Iran , a historic neccessity to free political prisoners and declare public general amnesty for those that haven't collaborated in killing Iranians and/or 2026 Iran massacres [https://www.khabarfoori.com/%D8%A8%D8%AE%D8%B4-%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%A7%D8%B3%DB%8C-59/3198657-%D8%AC%D8%A8%D9%87%D9%87-%D8%A7%D8%B5%D9%84%D8%A7%D8%AD%D8%A7%D8%AA-%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%AA%D8%AE%D8%A7%D8%A8-%D8%B1%D9%87%D8%A8%D8%B1%DB%8C-%D8%AC%D8%AF%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D9%85%DB%8C-%D8%A8%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B3%D8%AA-%D8%AD%D8%A7%D9%88%DB%8C-%D9%BE%DB%8C%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%B5%D9%84%D8%AD-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AC%D9%87%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A2%D8%BA%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%AF%D9%88%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C-%D8%AA%D8%A7%D8%B2%D9%87-%D8%AF%D8%B1-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A8%D8%A7%D8%B4%D8%AF-%D8%A7%D8%B9%D9%84%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%B9%D9%81%D9%88-%D8%B9%D9%85%D9%88%D9%85%DB%8C-%DA%A9%D9%84%DB%8C%D9%87-%DA%A9%D8%B3%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C-%DA%A9%D9%87-%D8%AF%D8%B3%D8%AA%D8%B4%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AE%D9%88%D9%86-%D8%A2%D9%84%D9%88%D8%AF%D9%87-%D9%86%D8%B4%D8%AF%D9%87-%D8%A2%D8%B2%D8%A7%D8%AF%DB%8C-%D9%87%D9%85%D9%87-%D8%B2%D9%86%D8%AF%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%A7%D8%B3%DB%8C-%D9%81%D8%B9%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%85%D8%AF%D9%86%DB%8C-%DB%8C%DA%A9-%D8%B6%D8%B1%D9%88%D8%B1%D8%AA-%D9%85%D9%84%DB%8C-%D8%AA%D8%A7%D8%B1%DB%8C%D8%AE%DB%8C-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA ]]][[File:Mojtaba Khamenei 2019.jpg|thumb|another Khamenei is coming.~[https://www.khabarfoori.com/%D8%A8%D8%AE%D8%B4-%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%A7%D8%B3%DB%8C-59/3198781-%D8%AA%D8%A7%DB%8C%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%AA%D9%84%D9%88%DB%8C%D8%AD%DB%8C-%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%AA%D8%AE%D8%A7%D8%A8-%D8%A2%DB%8C%D8%AA-%D8%A7%D9%84%D9%84%D9%87-%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D9%85%D8%AC%D8%AA%D8%A8%DB%8C-%D8%AE%D8%A7%D9%85%D9%86%D9%87-%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D8%A8%D8%B9%D9%86%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%B1%D9%87%D8%A8%D8%B1-%D8%A8%D8%B9%D8%AF%DB%8C-%D8%AA%D9%88%D8%B3%D8%B7-%D8%B9%D8%B6%D9%88-%D8%AE%D8%A8%D8%B1%DA%AF%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%B1%D9%87%D8%A8%D8%B1%DB%8C QomImam]]][[File:Flag of the Cooperation Council for the Arab States of the Gulf.svg|thumb|Trump is hysterical and struggling with last final breaths. Americans are at the end of their rope. Enemy is caught in desperate swamp...Netanyahu pumped up US to attack, we will exact vengeance...Trump you are a retarded person, ...we are funneling through pass of war,... Iranians have civilization, countries of region are acting like cuckold pimps... Trump says some people within of our military have defected give us 2 of these people names to us[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77421052/%D8%B9%D9%84%DB%8C-%D9%84%D8%A7%D8%B1%DB%8C%D8%AC%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C-%D8%AA%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%85%D9%BE-%D8%A2%D8%AF%D9%85-%D8%B9%D9%82%D8%A8-%D8%A7%D9%81%D8%AA%D8%A7%D8%AF%D9%87-%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA-%D8%AF%D8%A7%D8%B1%DB%8C%D9%85-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%DA%AF%D8%B1%D8%AF%D9%86%D9%87-%D8%AC%D9%86%DA%AF ~Larijani][https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77421726/%D8%A8%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%B9%D9%84%DB%8C-%D9%84%D8%A7%D8%B1%DB%8C%D8%AC%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C-%D9%86%D9%81%D8%B3-%D9%87%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D8%A2%D8%AE%D8%B1-%D8%AA%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%85%D9%BE-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA-%D9%87%DB%8C%D8%B3%D8%AA%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9-%D8%B4%D8%AF%D9%87-%D9%88 ][https://farsnews.ir/mohammadreza_dehghan/1772912586911483130/%D8%B9%D9%84%DB%8C-%D9%84%D8%A7%D8%B1%DB%8C%D8%AC%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C-%D8%AA%D8%A7-%DA%AF%D8%B1%D9%81%D8%AA%D9%86-%D8%AA%D8%A7%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%AF%D8%B3%D8%AA-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%B3%D8%B1-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7-%D8%A8%D8%B1%D9%86%D9%85%DB%8C-%D8%AF%D8%A7%D8%B1%DB%8C%D9%85 ]]][[File:State_flag_of_Iran_(1964%E2%80%931980).svg|thumb|Seventeen 17 cities of Caucasian Iran was separated from Iran by Tsar Russia. We are reborn from ashes of Mongol invasion and Timurid.[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77413081/%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B3%D8%AA%D8%A7%D8%AF%DA%AF%DB%8C-%D8%AE%D9%88%D9%86-%D9%88-%D8%AE%D8%A7%DA%A9 ]]]

== Quotes ==
&lt;small&gt;Please add quotes in chronological order&lt;/small&gt;
===Feb 2026===
*Finally, to the great, proud people of Iran, I say tonight that the hour of your freedom is at hand… Stay sheltered. Don't leave your home. It's very dangerous outside. Bombs will be dropping everywhere . when we are finished, take over your  government. It will be yours to take. This will be probably your only chance for
**Trump [https://www.pbs.org/newshour/world/read-trumps-full-statement-on-iran-attack PRESIDENT TRUMP's message to the great people of Iran ..]
*firm of heart against the disbelievers, compassionate among themselves.
**Khamenei quoted Quran[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77473280/%D8%A3%D8%B4%D8%AF%D8%A7%D8%A1-%D8%B9%D9%84%DB%8C-%D8%A7%D9%84%DA%A9%D9%81%D8%A7%D8%B1-%D8%B1%D8%AD%D9%85%D8%A7%D8%A1-%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86%D9%87%D9%85 ]
*There's a special place in hell reserved for pro-Trump Iranians.
**IRGC Mashre Dimitri Lascaris [https://www.shahrekhabar.com/news/177328434067132 ]
*400,000 armed people are ready to go to revolt against the United States government system
**Gen Araste[https://www.ettelaat.com/news/140255/%DB%B4%DB%B0%DB%B0-%D9%87%D8%B2%D8%A7%D8%B1-%D9%86%D9%81%D8%B1-%D9%85%D8%B3%D9%84%D8%AD-%D8%AF%D8%B1-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%A7%D8%AF%D9%87-%D9%82%DB%8C%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%B9%D9%84%DB%8C%D9%87-%D9%86%D8%B8%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D9%86-%DA%A9%D8%B4%D9%88%D8%B1-%D9%87%D8%B3%D8%AA%D9%86%D8%AF#ref=shahrekhabar ]
*Russia and China will win the war not just Iran
**IRGC Gen RahimSafavi[https://www.shahrekhabar.com/news/177326496039426 ]
*We have arm around Americans neck we will be slapping it when it moves
**IRGC Gen Mohsen rezai[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77471755/%D9%85%D8%AD%D8%B3%D9%86-%D8%B1%D8%B6%D8%A7%DB%8C%DB%8C-%D8%AF%D8%B3%D8%AA%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%BE%D8%B4%D8%AA-%DA%AF%D8%B1%D8%AF%D9%86-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA-%D8%AA%D8%A7-%D8%A8%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%87%D8%AF-%D8%AA%DA%A9%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A8%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%B1%D8%AF-%DB%8C%DA%A9 ]
*If anyone comes to street they are seen as enemies and not as protestors.All our kids are putting their finger on triggers all alleys , streets , city squares belong to Police, special units and The IRGC Basij.
**FARAJA Cmdr Gen Ahmed Radan[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77462710/%D8%B3%D8%B1%D8%AF%D8%A7%D8%B1-%D8%B1%D8%A7%D8%AF%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A7%DA%AF%D8%B1-%DA%A9%D8%B3%DB%8C-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA-%D8%AF%D8%B4%D9%85%D9%86-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AE%DB%8C%D8%A7%D8%A8%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A8%DB%8C%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%A7%D9%88-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D9%85%D8%B9%D8%AA%D8%B1%D8%B6 ]
* I can see that the peace deal is within our reach... if we... allow [[diplomacy]] the space it needs to get there... I don't think any alternative to diplomacy is going to solve this problem. ...The [[heart]] of this deal is very important and ...we have captured that heart. ...[I]f the ultimate objective is to ensure forever, that Iran cannot have a [[Nuclear weapons|nuclear bomb]] ...we have cracked that problem ...[W]e are talking about zero stockpiling ...[I]f you cannot stockpile material that is enriched ...there is no way you can ...create a bomb ...and ...equally important ...full and comprehensive verification by the [[w:International Atomic Energy Agency|IAEA]] ...The current stockpiles ...will be down-blended to the lowest level possible ...and converted into fuel that ...will be irreversible. ...I am ...confident ...that even the United States inspectors will have access at some point ...if we have a deal that is respected, and fair, and ...durable ...We have agreed, in general, to discuss economic and security cooperation between Iran and its neighbors, and set up a process of dialogue that will ...start the elements of building confidence, ...a rapport, a process that can ...lead ...to an understanding on all these ...areas of concern ...on the Iranian side, and ...on the [[w:Gulf Cooperation Council|GCC]] side. ...Broad terms, ...the politics, the ...main issues ...can be agreed [upon] tomorrow. The technicalities will take some time to work... out with... the IAEA. ...[T]hat can also be done ...relatively quickly, because a lot of this ...groundwork was done years ago, and it's ...in place. ...The substantial progress... is... far more than any time before. We just need that bit of extra time to close the deal.
** {{w|Badr bin Hamad Al Busaidi}}, &quot;Oman's foreign minister says U.S.-Iran nuclear 'deal is within our reach'&quot; (Feb 27, 2026) ''{{w|Face the Nation}}'' statements prior to the US-Israeli attacks. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pg5sXQDR8NY&amp;t=38s A Youtube video source.]

*Mahdi is with us and in charge of Umma, he has through Assembly of Experts introduced Ayatallah Mojtaba Khamenei
**[https://kayhan.ir/fa/news/328896/%D8%A7%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%B2%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%B9%D8%AC-%D9%88%D9%84%DB%8C-%D9%81%D9%82%DB%8C%D9%87-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AE%D8%A8%D8%B1%DA%AF%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%85%D8%B9%D8%B1%D9%81%DB%8C-%DA%A9%D8%B1%D8%AF-%D9%86%DA%A9%D8%AA%D9%87 Hossein Shariatmadare]
*The revolution will not sit down until flag of Mahdi is raised on all corners of earth
**[https://kayhan.ir/fa/news/328901/%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%B9%D9%84%DB%8C-%D8%AE%D8%A7%D9%85%D9%86%D9%87%E2%80%8C%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D8%A8%D8%A7-%D9%86%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%AC%D8%AF%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D9%85%D8%AC%D8%AA%D8%A8%DB%8C-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%AF%D9%87-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA Hossein Shariatmadare]
*To save his soldiers Trump has gone to Volodymir Zelensky president-clown of Ukraine for aid
**[https://kayhan.ir/fa/news/328922/%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7-%D8%A8%D8%B1%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D9%86%D8%AC%D8%A7%D8%AA-%D8%AC%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%B3%D8%B1%D8%A8%D8%A7%D8%B2%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%B4-%D8%AF%D8%B3%D8%AA-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AF%D8%A7%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%86-%DB%8C%DA%A9-%D8%AF%D9%84%D9%82%DA%A9-%D8%B4%D8%AF Hossein Shariatmadare]
*War's balance changed and Islamic Republic of Iran has the upper hand, there won't be a negotiatons any country who helps America will be targeted as enemy
**[https://tasnimnews.ir/fa/news/1404/12/19/3537514/%D9%85%D9%88%D9%81%D9%82%DB%8C%D8%AA-90-%D8%AF%D8%B1%D8%B5%D8%AF%DB%8C-%D8%AD%D9%85%D9%84%D8%A7%D8%AA-%D9%85%D9%88%D8%B4%DA%A9%DB%8C-%D9%88-%D9%BE%D9%87%D9%BE%D8%A7%D8%AF%DB%8C-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%85%D9%88%D8%A7%D8%B2%D9%86%D9%87-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D9%86%D9%81%D8%B9-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA ICA]
*A vessel has passed through Hormuz strait , an United States (US) military navy escorted her. In Playstation
**ICA[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77461463/%D9%88%D8%A7%DA%A9%D9%86%D8%B4-%D8%B1%D8%A6%DB%8C%D8%B3-%D9%85%D8%AC%D9%84%D8%B3-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%A7%D8%AF%D8%B9%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D8%AF%D8%B1%D9%88%D8%BA%DB%8C%D9%86-%D9%88%D8%B2%DB%8C%D8%B1-%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%B1%DA%98%DB%8C-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7-%D8%AF%D8%B1%D8%A8%D8%A7%D8%B1%D9%87-%D8%AA%D9%86%DA%AF%D9%87 ]
*We have only just begun our missiles have left utter ruin and destruction ,Netanyahu won't let you see
**Abbas Iraqchi[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77462291/%D8%B9%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%82%DA%86%DB%8C-%D9%85%D8%A7-%D8%AA%D8%A7%D8%B2%D9%87-%D8%B4%D8%B1%D9%88%D8%B9-%DA%A9%D8%B1%D8%AF%D9%87-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D9%85 ]
*Our enemy is the stupidest idiot. Our defense system is an ideology not just a defense system, while when we hit Haifa their people were begging for car gas
**FARAJA Cmdr Gen Achmed Radan [https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77460868/%D8%A8%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%B3%D8%B1%D8%AF%D8%A7%D8%B1-%D8%B1%D8%A7%D8%AF%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%AF%D8%B4%D9%85%D9%86%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%85%D8%A7-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%A7%D8%AD%D9%85%D9%82-%D8%AA%D8%B1%DB%8C%D9%86-%D9%87%D8%A7-%D9%87%D8%B3%D8%AA%D9%86%D8%AF ]
*Your children shall read Quran while sitting by the missile launchers tonight.
**Gen Mousavi [https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77461610/%D8%B3%D8%B1%D8%AF%D8%A7%D8%B1-%D9%85%D9%88%D8%B3%D9%88%DB%8C-%D9%81%D8%B1%D8%B2%D9%86%D8%AF%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%B4%D9%85%D8%A7-%D8%A7%D9%85%D8%B4%D8%A8-%D9%BE%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D9%84%D8%A7%D9%86%DA%86%D8%B1%D9%87%D8%A7-%D9%82%D8%B1%D8%A2%D9%86-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%B3%D8%B1-%D9%85%DB%8C-%DA%AF%DB%8C%D8%B1%D9%86%D8%AF ]

[[File:HIMARS Support Operation Epic Fury (9564974).jpg|thumb|Operation Epic Fury]]
===Mar 2026===
*All vessels shall not pass Hormuz Strait
**IRGCN Gen Ali Tangsiri[https://www.mehrnews.com/news/6771339/%D8%B3%D8%B1%D8%AF%D8%A7%D8%B1-%D8%AA%D9%86%DA%AF%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%B1%DB%8C-%D9%87%DB%8C%DA%86-%D8%B4%D9%86%D8%A7%D9%88%D8%B1-%D9%85%D8%B1%D8%AA%D8%A8%D8%B7-%D8%A8%D8%A7-%D9%85%D8%AA%D8%AC%D8%A7%D9%88%D8%B2%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%AD%D9%82-%D8%B9%D8%A8%D9%88%D8%B1-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%AA%D9%86%DA%AF%D9%87-%D9%87%D8%B1%D9%85%D8%B2 ]
*How much of a cuckold is American president, Australian police has taken our girls out of the hotel and forced and made them to apply for asylum
**Mehdi Taj Chairman National Football Federation[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77458637/%D9%85%D9%87%D8%AF%DB%8C-%D8%AA%D8%A7%D8%AC-%D8%AF%D8%B1%DB%8C%D9%88%D8%B2%DA%AF%DB%8C-%D8%B1%D8%A6%DB%8C%D8%B3-%D8%AC%D9%85%D9%87%D9%88%D8%B1-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7-%D8%AA%D8%A7-%DA%86%D9%87-%D8%AD%D8%AF-%D8%AF%D9%85-%DA%AF%DB%8C%D8%AA-%D8%AC%D9%84%D9%88%DB%8C-%D8%AE%D8%B1%D9%88%D8%AC ]
*We are prepared to wage war against America for next at least another 10 year
**IRGC Gen Jabari[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77449662/%D8%A8%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D9%85%D8%B4%D8%A7%D9%88%D8%B1-%D9%81%D8%B1%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%AF%D9%87-%DA%A9%D9%84-%D8%B3%D9%BE%D8%A7%D9%87-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%B9%D9%86%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A2%D8%AF%D9%85-%D9%85%D8%B7%D9%84%D8%B9-%D9%85%DB%8C-%DA%AF%D9%88%DB%8C%D9%85-%DA%A9%D9%87 ]
*Iran is the conscious of the humanity, its real dignity and glory. It is chosen people fighting for the Victory of the Light. It it Ormuzd, Ishraq. Mahdi people.
**Dugin Alexander[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77392273/%D8%AA%D9%88%DB%8C%DB%8C%D8%AA-%D8%A7%D9%84%DA%A9%D8%B3%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%AF%D8%B1-%D8%AF%D9%88%DA%AF%DB%8C%D9%86-%D9%BE%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%85%D9%88%D9%86-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B3%D8%AA%D8%A7%D8%AF%DA%AF%DB%8C-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86 ]
*The recent war is between good and evil
**ICA[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77432191/%D8%AC%D9%86%DA%AF-%D8%A7%D8%AE%DB%8C%D8%B1-%D8%AC%D9%86%DA%AF-%D8%AD%D9%82-%D9%88-%D8%A8%D8%A7%D8%B7%D9%84-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA ]
*Like thunder we will strike Haifa
**IRGC Gen Seid mousavi[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77449498/%D8%B3%D8%B1%D9%84%D8%B4%DA%A9%D8%B1-%D8%B9%D8%A8%D8%AF%D8%A7%D9%84%D9%84%D9%87%DB%8C-%D9%87%D9%85%DA%86%D9%88%D9%86-%D8%B5%D8%A7%D8%B9%D9%82%D9%87-%D8%A8%D8%B1-%D8%AD%DB%8C%D9%81%D8%A7-%D9%88-%D9%BE%D8%A7%DB%8C%DA%AF%D8%A7%D9%87-%D9%87%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7-%D8%AF%D8%B1-%D9%85%D9%86%D8%B7%D9%82%D9%87 ]
* Iran’s leaders before the attack had been clear that they were willing to negotiate on the nuclear question. Talks were ongoing... There had appeared to be a good basis for agreement, given... an Iranian government that... was not in a position to enrich uranium... for the foreseeable future. ...Americans ...were deeply unhappy with the results of America’s last big wars of {{w|regime change}} ...[[War in Afghanistan (2001–2021)|in Afghanistan]] [[Iraq War|and Iraq]]. At the beginning of this joint [[w:2026 Iran war|US–Israel campaign against Iran]], only about a third of Americans supported the adventure...
** Dana Allin, &quot;US politics and the war against Iran&quot; (Mar 2, 2026) [https://www.iiss.org/online-analysis/online-analysis/2026/02/the-us-israel-campaign-in-iran/ &quot;The US-Israel campaign in Iran&quot;] @[[w:International Institute for Strategic Studies|IISS]].org

*This is a war that should end it once and for all.
::[https://www.mehrnews.com/news/6764020/%D9%86%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%B2%D8%A7%D8%AF-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AF%D9%86%D8%A8%D8%A7%D9%84-%D8%AC%D9%86%DA%AF-%D9%85%D9%86%D8%B7%D9%82%D9%87-%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%B3%D8%AA%DB%8C%D9%85-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D9%86-%D8%AC%D9%86%DA%AF-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%87%DB%8C%D9%85-%D8%A8%D8%B1%D8%AF ICA] (Mar 2 2026)

*Our Brave and Powerful Armed Forces will avenge each and every Iranian mother, , father, and child who has been targeted by hostile forces.
**foreign minister Abbas Iraqchi[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77405403/%D8%B9%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%82%DA%86%DB%8C-%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%B1%D9%88%D9%87%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D9%85%D8%B3%D9%84%D8%AD-%D9%85%D8%A7-%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%AA%D9%82%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%AA%DA%A9-%D8%AA%DA%A9-%D8%B4%D9%87%D8%AF%D8%A7-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%87%D9%86%D8%AF-%DA%AF%D8%B1%D9%81%D8%AA ]

*There is no shelter you can be safe 
**[https://www.shahrekhabar.com/news/177298212045678 IRGC text]

*We will fill Americans' coffins there is no end to war unless they fully surrender.
**IRGC operations mission statement[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77389339 ]

*Trump is more than 500 Americans killed dead America first or israel first. Inshallah Khamenei killing has heavy price
**Larijani[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77384703/%D8%AA%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%85%D9%BE-%D8%AD%D8%B3%D8%A7%D8%A8-%DA%A9%D9%86%D8%AF-%D8%A8%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D9%87%D9%85-%D8%A7%D9%88%D9%84-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA-%DB%8C%D8%A7-%D8%A7%D9%88%D9%84-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%B1%D8%A7%D8%A6%DB%8C%D9%84 ]

* Irregardless of cost. Not unlike United States of America. Same as Iran has not in past 300 years started wars, Iran is ready for long war.
** [[w:Ali Larijani|Ali Larijani]], Secretary of the Supreme National Security Council of Iran. [https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77359057 Source (in Persian)]

*Now that we have baited America do not make ceasefire and/or peace we must destroy them
::Ayatallah Panahian[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77388174/%D8%A8%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%AD%D8%AC%D8%AA-%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%A7%D8%B3%D9%84%D8%A7%D9%85-%D9%BE%D9%86%D8%A7%D9%87%DB%8C%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A7%DA%AF%D8%B1-%D8%AA%D9%82%D8%A7%D8%B6%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D8%A2%D8%AA%D8%B4-%D8%A8%D8%B3-%DA%A9%D8%B1%D8%AF%D9%86%D8%AF-%D9%86%D9%BE%D8%B0%DB%8C%D8%B1%DB%8C%D8%AF ]

*From us Iranian people only President son Aga Yusuf Pezeshkian and his buddies have internet connection.
::[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77388864/%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D9%85%D8%A7-%D9%85%D8%B1%D8%AF%D9%85-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%81%D9%82%D8%B7-%D8%A2%D9%82%D8%A7-%DB%8C%D9%88%D8%B3%D9%81-%D9%88-%D8%B1%D9%81%DB%8C%D9%82%D8%A7%D8%B4-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D9%86%D8%AA%D8%B1%D9%86%D8%AA-%D8%AF%D8%A7%D8%B1%D9%86%D8%AF Payamemam]

* These attacks from Israel and the United States... were unprovoked. There was no immanent threat. Many would interpret this war to be an illegal war.
** Evaleila Pesaran, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5nJnVYpbKuM&amp;t=600s &quot;The war with Iran: An expert analysis&quot;] (Mar 2, 2026) Youtube video from [[University of Cambridge|Cambridge University]] channel.

* I see no indication that ...those institutions are weak or fraying or that you can destroy ...[them] from the air. ...[T]his administration is trying to justify the war the same way [[Jackson Pollock]] used to paint. You just throw a bucket of reasons up against the canvas and hope the result looks good. ...Iranian missiles ... [as] a threat to the United States... falls short of the truth by about 4,000 miles ...[I]f we're doing preventative wars now to prevent countries that might one day be a threat, is [[North Korea]]... [[China]]... [[Russia]] in line? I don't think so. ...I can't make head or tails out of the reason this administration has put forward for this war.
** [[w:Alan Eyre (diplomat)|Alan Eyre]], &quot;Expert panel breaks down U.S. objectives in Iran war&quot; (Mar 2, 2026) @''{{w|PBS News Hour}}''.

* Once again, America is going to war for Israel. Once again, many will die for the Zionist state, including American service members. Once again, we will stumble blindly into a military fiasco. Once again, we will do the bidding of a foreign power whose interests are not our interests, but whose lobbyists have bought up our political class, including Donald Trump. Once again, we will violate the U.N. charter by attacking a country that does not pose an imminent threat.
** [[Chris Hedges]], [https://scheerpost.com/2026/03/01/going-to-war-again-for-israel/ Going to War, Again, for Israel]. ScheerPost. (March 1, 2026)

* If the [[Precedents|precedent]] that is being set is, &quot;Any country with super
* [I]t is in many ways a final battle to decide what [[World War II]] was all about. Will [[international law]] crumble as a result of the unwillingness of enough countries to protect the rules of civilized [[law]] supporting the principles of [[Westphalian sovereignty|national sovereignty]], free from foreign interference and [[coercion]] from the 1648 {{w|Peace of Westphalia}} to the [[Charter of the United Nations|UN Charter]]?  And with regard to wars that inevitably are to be waged, will they spare {{w|civilian}}s and non-belligerents...
** [[Michael Hudson (economist)|Michael Hudson]], [https://www.counterpunch.org/2026/03/02/the-us-israeli-attack-was-to-prevent-peace-not-advance-it/ &quot;The US/Israeli Attack Was to Prevent Peace Not Advance It&quot;] (Mar 2, 2026) @''{{w|Counterpunch}}''

* Iran negotiators had agreed... not to have an [[Nuclear weapons|atom bomb]]... to reduce their refined uranium, to shift the refined uranium outside of the country, and to submit to an unprecedented degree of oversight... But none of this was about an atom bomb... The... reason that America has attacked Iran... was to control Near Eastern oil... and [[David Petraeus|General Petraeus]], years ago, had outlined this whole plan... &quot;...all of your profits and rents from the oil will be lent back to the United States, ...priced in dollars and invested in U.S. Treasury securities, U.S. bonds and U.S. stocks, so that the money, the vast dollar inflows from your oil exports, will all be part of the U.S. economy.&quot;&lt;br /&gt;I sat in on meetings in the {{w|White House}} in 1974 when this was discussed...
** [[Michael Hudson (economist)|Michael Hudson]], [https://www.democracynow.org/2026/3/3/michael_hudson_economist_trump_iran_attack A War for Oil:] Economist Michael Hudson on U.S. Quest to Control the World’s Oil Trade (Mar 3, 2026) @{{w|Democracy Now!}}

* [I]t is in many ways a final battle to decide what [[World War II]] was all about. Will [[international law]] crumble as a result of the unwillingness of enough countries to protect the rules of civilized [[law]] supporting the principles of [[Westphalian sovereignty|national sovereignty]], free from foreign interference and [[coercion]] from the 1648 {{w|Peace of Westphalia}} to the [[Charter of the United Nations|UN Charter]]?  And with regard to wars that inevitably are to be waged, will they spare {{w|civilian}}s and non-belligerents...
** [[Michael Hudson (economist)|Michael Hudson]], [https://www.counterpunch.org/2026/03/02/the-us-israeli-attack-was-to-prevent-peace-not-advance-it/ &quot;The US/Israeli Attack Was to Prevent Peace Not Advance It&quot;] (Mar 2, 2026) @''{{w|Counterpunch}}''

*The American philosophy is, number one, you bomb civilians, you break all the rules of international law which are against that. You bomb civilians to demoralize them. And if you concentrate, as Trump did, along with Israel, a few weeks ago, you {{w|2026 Minab school attack|bomb the schools}}, you bomb the hospitals. That’s American policy in foreign countries. It’s most visible in the case of Israeli policy, in Gaza, and now the West Bank as well. And it is the same policy that the United States has followed in Iran.
** [[Michael Hudson (economist)|Michael Hudson]], [https://geopoliticaleconomy.com/2026/03/29/war-iran-change-economy-michael-hudson/ &quot;The war on Iran is transforming the global economy: Economist Michael Hudson explains how&quot;] (Mar 29, 2026) @Geopolitical Economy Report

* Whenever a state chooses to go to [[war]]... you have to ask—where is the [[w:Intelligence assessment|intelligence]] on the threat? ...[T]he Trump administration ...in hurry mode ...chose to set [[diplomacy]] aside, despite the fact that the [mediating] [[w:Badr bin Hamad Al Busaidi#Diplomatic career|Omani foreign minister]] ...was convinced that remarkable progress had been made on the issue of [[Nuclear program of Iran|Iranian nuclear weapons]] ...[T]wo other arguments for the war: that the US faced an imminent threat from [[Iran]], and that Iran’s {{w|ballistic missile}} capability threatened the United States. Scratch this last claim—it’s simply not [[Truth|true]] ...Why would a much-weakened [[Islamic Republic of Iran|Islamic Republic]] pose an &quot;imminent threat&quot; ..? [[Marco Rubio]] has come forward with an absurd argument ...Does anyone truly believe that Israel would go it alone ...without US backing, that the operation was not jointly planned?  ...This is all desperate [[storytelling]], not intelligence.
** {{w|Wesley Wark}}, &quot;[https://thewalrus.ca/iran-foreign-policy-experts/ Eight Experts on What You’re Not Being Told about the War in Iran:] The questions that aren’t making it into the battlefield dispatches&quot; (Mar 3, 2026) @''{{w|The Walrus}}''

*  Ironically, the greatest beneficiaries of the United States’ grave [[wikt:violation#Noun|violation]]s of [[international law]] are the very actors whom, under normal circumstances, Washington would be seeking to restrain: [[Moscow]] will be emboldened to continue its barbaric [[w:Russo-Ukrainian war|assault on Ukraine]], while [[China]] will feel empowered to move on [[Taiwan]].
** [[w:Stephanie Turco Williams|Stephanie T. Williams]],  &quot;Flying blind&quot; (March 2, 2026) [https://www.brookings.edu/articles/after-the-strike-the-danger-of-war-in-iran/ &quot;After the strike: The danger of war in Iran&quot;] [[w:Brookings Institution|Brookings]].

* Iran negotiators had agreed... not to have an [[Nuclear weapons|atom bomb]]... to reduce their refined uranium, to shift the refined uranium outside of the country, and to submit to an unprecedented degree of oversight... But none of this was about an atom bomb... The... reason that America has attacked Iran... was to control Near Eastern oil... and [[David Petraeus|General Petraeus]], years ago, had outlined this whole plan... &quot;...all of your profits and rents from the oil will be lent back to the United States, ...priced in dollars and invested in U.S. Treasury securities, U.S. bonds and U.S. stocks, so that the money, the vast dollar inflows from your oil exports, will all be part of the U.S. economy.&quot;&lt;br /&gt;I sat in on meetings in the {{w|White House}} in 1974 when this was discussed...
** [[Michael Hudson (economist)|Michael Hudson]], [https://www.democracynow.org/2026/3/3/michael_hudson_economist_trump_iran_attack A War for Oil:] Economist Michael Hudson on U.S. Quest to Control the World’s Oil Trade (Mar 3, 2026) @{{w|Democracy Now!}}

*It's going to be... tempting for countries to think that in a world where there are no rules.., no [[w:Law of war|rules of war]], where that [[w:Liberal international order|post-war liberal order]], imperfect as it was, is now completely being disregarded.., that makes the world more dangerous for all of us. ...[T]here was an [[order]] of some kind ...a view that a degree of [[w:Consensus decision-making|international consensus]] was necessary ...before ...[[w:Interventionism (politics)|intervening in foreign countries]]. There were rules of war... [A]ll of us need to be... very thoughtful about supporting the creation of a world where anything goes, and [[might makes right]]. ...[[United States|America]] is still the preeminent [[power]], the {{w|superpower}}, the global [[Hegemony|hegemon]]. ...I hope this is a moment for Americans to reflect on the facts that the rules-based international order, which did act as a constraint on American power, also provided America with some meaningful [[protection]].
** [[Chrystia Freeland]], Chrystia Freeland on Iran, Ukraine, and Global Power Shifts | ''{{w|Amanpour and Company}}'' (Mar 3, 2026) [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vlj_beVDuxg&amp;t=196s 3:16.]

* [I]f it's... possible that there are about to be acts of [[terrorism]] by [[Iran]] inside the United States, how can [[United States Congress|Congress]] continue to blockade funds for the [[w:United States Department of Homeland Security|Department of Homeland Security]] until it gets [[reform]]s... including an end to the [[lying]]..? You're going to see a real press by the [[Second presidency of Donald Trump|Trump administration]] to say, &quot;Release the funds and let the Department... resume... operations.., including falsely calling people terrorists if they operate a camera near an immigration agent.&quot; You're going to see attacks on the [[freedom of the press]]. This administration... regards it as illegal, criminal, for reporters simply to ask questions of [[The Pentagon|Pentagon employees]]... Only the designated leaders... get to speak... and if they're... saying things that look like they might not be [[Truth|true]], you can't second guess or question them. We have had many instances... of false indications of [[w:Powers of the president of the United States#Emergency powers|emergency powers]]. The whole [[w:Tariffs in the second Trump administration|tariff nonsense]]... rested on [[Falsehood|false claims]] of the president... about economic emergency. ...[N]ow there's a real [[war]].., a real risk of terrorist activity... That's a much more plausible emergency.., and... what [[Courts|court]] will say, &quot;We don't think you're telling the truth about this either&quot;? ...So there will be new assertions of emergency power... [P]eople who have the president's ear have been urging him to use emergency powers against the [[w:2026 United States elections|elections of 2026]]. The possibility of that... are much higher today... than... a week ago. ...We're moving into extraordinary danger to democratic institutions. The [[w:2026 Iran war|war in Iran]]... is an urgent [[w:Domestic policy of the second Trump administration|domestic policy]] question... a massive grant of power to a president and administration that have proven... that they will [[Abuse of power|abuse any powers]] that they are en[[trust]]ed with.
** [[David Frum]], &quot;[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8w7KOoD8sCs&amp;t=190s No Exit from Trump's War:] with Tom Nichols&quot; The David Frum Show. A Youtube video from ''{{w|The Atlantic}}'' channel. (Mar 4 2026)

*&quot;Senate votes down resolution to stop Trump from continuing war with Iran&quot; (Mar 4, 2026)
**&lt;small&gt;''{{w|The Independent}}''. [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/senate-iran-war-vote-trump-powers-resolution-b2932221.html Source.]&lt;/small&gt;
*Nobody gets to hide and give the president an easy pass or an end-run around the Constitution. Everybody's got to declare whether they're for this war or against it.
** Sen. [[Tim Kaine]]
*War is ugly, it always has been ugly, but we're taking out a regime that has been trying to attack us for quite some time.
** Sen. [[Markwayne Mullin]]
*I learned when I was fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan, that when elites in Washington bang the war drums, pound their chest, talk about the costs of war and act tough, they're not talking about them doing it, they're not talking about their kids. They're talking about working class kids like us.
** Rep. [[Jason Crow]]

* Why are we going into Iran? ...[I]t is the president's [[wikt:vainglory#Noun|vainglory]]. He thinks he's on a roll, that... this is easy to do; that you can [[w:2026 United States intervention in Venezuela|knock off dictatorships like Venezuela]], and then have a parade; that this solves a lot of his problems. It gets people not talking about the [[Epstein files]]. ...[A] huge chunk of [[Donald Trump]]'s [[Foreign policy of the United States|foreign policy]] is rooted in trying to get people to stop talking about the Epstein files. ...[H]e is that [[wikt:narrow-minded#Adjective|narrow]] and [[wikt:crass#Adjective|crass]]. ...Now he's going to say he's a [[w:Powers of the president of the United States#Emergency powers|war president]]. That means you can't criticize me... I can stomp on the press... I can declare a [[w:Powers of the president of the United States#Emergency powers|national emergency]]. ...As the [[Parliament of the United Kingdom|British Parliament]] said... in [~]1944... &quot;This is not a propitious time for an [[Elections|election]].&quot; ...[[wikt:mischief#Noun|[M]ischief]] comes with a war because... presidential war powers... become almost unchallengeable.
** [[w:Tom Nichols (academic)|Tom Nichols]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8w7KOoD8sCs&amp;t=797s Trump’s War With Iran and a New Danger at Home] | The [[David Frum]] Show (Mar 4, 2026) A Youtube video from ''{{w|The Atlantic}}'' channel.

*[[Donald Trump|The president]] was not going to be just another president on a very long list who sat back and stood by and passed the buck of this direct threat to the next administration. The president had a feeling, again, based on fact, that Iran was going to strike the United States, was going to strike our assets in the region, and he made a determination to launch Operation Epic Fury based on all of those reasons.
**[[Karoline Leavitt]] quoted in [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-iran-war-white-house-briefing-b2931933.html &quot;Karoline Leavitt insists Trump had a ‘feeling based on fact’ before Iran strikes but still won’t detail imminent threat to US&quot;]], ''The Independent'' (05 March 2026)

*[T]o take on the extraordinary risks... without having made the case with the American people.., citing immanent threats that aparently don't exist... that's problematic, and the chances of unintended consequences... are... very serious...  [W]e're... using.., in many cases very expensive weapons to take down $20,000 drones. That's not a good equation... over time. ...I'm worried about ...second and third order consequences ...we so deplete our arsenal, and it takes a long time to rebuild ...puts us in a disadvantageous position when it comes to ...a [[China]] or ...[[Russia]]. ...[M]uch as ...everyone should want to see a change... it may simply ...reinforce the [[Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps|IRGC]] ...[I]t's very hard to produce regime change from outside. You can't bomb your way to it. ...The [[wikt:red flag#Noun|red flag]] ...is that this could be [[Syrian civil war|Syria]] [[wikt:redux#Noun|redux]] or  ...[[Libyan Crisis (2011–present)|Libya]] redux ...the country fracturing, imploding or even exploding with [[refugee]]s and [[w:International migration|migration]].., [[Extremism|extremist]] groups taking hold... It's incredibly ...[[dangerous]]. ...[I]t's never too late for [[diplomacy]]. ...&lt;br /&gt;[W]hen [[Russia]] is ...reaching a weak point because of its dependence on oil to fuel its war economy ...they get a lifeline, ...the price of oil is going up. The [[Europe|Europeans]], in having moved away from Russian gas, are now more dependent on the [[Middle East]]. ...If the {{w|Strait of Hormuz}} gets tied up ...that's ...a lot of pressure ...So mapping out, gaming out, planning out and ...making sure you have something in place to deal with ...second and third order effects is ...important, and it's not ...clear ...that was done ...There's been a shifting rationale ...[or] explanation for why this, why now? ...That's why it's so important to have ...laid this out before the American people, and our partners and allies. We might have had less friction with them if there was a compelling case ...and had them on the take-off, not mid-flight or on the landing.
** [[Antony Blinken]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aHgG-lkOi6w&amp;t=74s &quot;Former Secretary of State on the Two Keys to Ending Iran War&quot;] (Mar 4, 2026) A Youtube video from the [[w:Bloomberg News|Bloomberg]] Podcasts channel.

*Majority of Experts Assembly has come to pick next leader who is Seid.
**Dirbaz[https://www.etemadonline.com/%D8%A8%D8%AE%D8%B4-%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%A7%D8%B3%DB%8C-9/764537-%D9%85%D8%AC%D9%84%D8%B3-%D8%AE%D8%A8%D8%B1%DA%AF%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%B1%D9%87%D8%A8%D8%B1%DB%8C ] (Mar 8 2026)

* Unprovoked attacks by the [[United States|US]] and [[Israel]]... violate the fundamental prohibition on the use of [[force]], [[Sovereignty|sovereign]] [[equality]], {{w|territorial integrity}}, and the [[duty]] to [[Peace|peacefully]] settle disputes... They also violate the {{w|right to life}}... We cannot pick and choose when [[international law]] applies. Unlawful [[military]] [[w:Interventionism (politics)|intervention]] is not a solution... These attacks do not strike military abstractions – they strike people... {{w|Civilian}}s are bearing the brunt of this war... In a country that has already lost thousands to [[Violence|violent]] [[Political repression|repression]]... these attacks deepen... profound human [[tragedy]]... The targeting of civilians, educational facilities, and medical institutions constitutes a grave violation of [[international humanitarian law]] and [[w:International human rights law|human rights law]]... Any path forward must be grounded in the [[rule of law]], the will of the [[Iranians|Iranian people]], and full accountability for the [[wikt:violation#Noun|violation]] of international law, by all parties... 
** {{w|Mai Sato}}, [[w:Cecilia Bailliet|Cecilia M. Bailliet]], {{w|Astrid Puentes Riaño}}, {{w|Alexandra Xanthaki}}, {{w|Farida Shaheed}}, Surya Deva, {{w|Margaret Satterthwaite}}, {{w|Gina Romero}}, Nicolas Levrat, [[w:Richard Bennett (UN)|Richard Bennett]], Tomoya Obokata, [[w:Mary Lawlor (human rights advocate)|Mary Lawlor]], {{w|Ben Saul}}, {{w|Alice Jill Edwards}}, [[Francesca Albanese]], Morris Tidball-Binz, {{w|Siobhán Mullally}}, Gabriella Citroni, Grażyna Baranowska, Aua Baldé, Ana Lorena Delgadillo Pérez, {{w|Bina D'Costa}}, {{w|Claudia Flores}}, Ivana Krstić, {{w|Dorothy Estrada-Tanck}}, Haina Lu, [[Reem Alsalem]], {{w|Paula Gaviria Betancur}}, Elizabeth Salmón, Mariana Katzarova (Special Procedures of the Human Rights Council, volunteer Special Rapporteurs/Independent Experts/Working Groups) [https://www.ohchr.org/en/press-releases/2026/03/iran-un-experts-call-de-escalation-and-accountability &quot;Iran: UN experts call for de-escalation and accountability&quot;] (Mar 4, 2026) [[w:Office of the United Nations High Commissioner for Human Rights|OHCHR]].

* [[Mohammed bin Salman|The Crown Prince]] and other [[w:Arab states of the Persian Gulf|Gulf]] leaders have been urging America not to undertake military action against Iran, because all of us believe... action will not remain confined to Iran; that Iran will retaliate against American in the area, which is present in all of the Gulf states, and as far away as [[Turkey]]... They've been warning the Americans not to undertake military action and suffer the consequences. ...I don't think the system in Iran will collapse any time soon. ...Iranian leadership has been preparing for an eventuality like this, because of what they have continued to hear from [[Benjamin Netanyahu|Mr. Netanyahu]] in the past 40 years. He has been calling for the destruction of Iran, and so the Iranians... have been preparing themselves for such an eventuality. ...The only way the system will go... is through the Iranian people.
** {{w|Turki bin Faisal Al Saud}}, &quot;Fmr. Saudi Intelligence Chief Discusses Gulf States' Reaction to Iran Attacks | ''{{w|Amanpour and Company}}''&quot; [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LfGcX4XuZ5A&amp;t=62s 1:02,] 5:08.

* Iran just stated that they are going to hit very hard today, harder than they have ever been hit before.., THEY BETTER NOT DO THAT, HOWEVER, BECAUSE IF THEY DO, WE WILL HIT THEM WITH A FORCE THAT HAS NEVER BEEN SEEN BEFORE! 
** [[Donald J. Trump]], post on Truth Social, &quot;Trump warns Iran of unprecedented force if it retaliates&quot; (Feb 28, 2026) {{w|Reuters}}.

*I think the war is very complete, pretty much. [Iran has] no navy, no communications, they've got no air force. Their missiles are down to a scatter. Their drones are being blown up all over the place, including their manufacturing of drones.
**[[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/trump-iran-cbs-news-the-war-is-very-complete-strait-hormuz/ &quot;Trump says 'the war is very complete,' and he's considering taking over Strait of Hormuz&quot;], ''CBS News'' (Mar 9 2026)

*US officials are posting fake news to manipulate narkets. It won't protect them from inflationary tsunami they've imposed on Americans Markets are facing biggest shortfall in HISTORY bigger than Arab Oil Embargo, Kuwait 
**[https://www.etemadonline.com/%D8%A8%D8%AE%D8%B4-%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86-%D8%A7%D9%84%D9%85%D9%84%D9%84-17/764878-%D8%B9%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%82%DA%86%DB%8C-%D9%88%D8%B2%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%AE%D8%A7%D8%B1%D8%AC%D9%87-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7 Mr Iraqchi] (Mar 10 2026)

*If Iran does anything that stops the flow of Oil within the Strait of Hormuz, they will be hit by the United States of America TWENTY TIMES HARDER than they have been hit thus far. Additionally, we will take out easily destroyable targets that will make it virtually impossible for Iran to ever be built back, as a Nation, again - Death, Fire, and Fury will reign upon them - But I hope, and pray, that it does not happen! This is a gift from the United States of America to China, and all of those Nations that heavily use the Hormuz Strait. Hopefully, it is a gesture that will be greatly appreciated. Thank you for your attention to this matter! President DONALD J. TRUMP
**[https://x.com/WhiteHouse/status/2031167037620236703 Trump on TruthSocial] (10 March 2026)

*Most definitely we are not seeking ceasefire we will break zionist life cycle of war-negotiations-ceasefire and then war again forever
**Moahamedbagher Ghabilaf[https://www.etemadonline.com/%D8%A8%D8%AE%D8%B4-%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%A7%D8%B3%DB%8C-9/764797-%D8%A2%D8%AA%D8%B4-%D8%A8%D8%B3-%D8%AC%D9%86%DA%AF-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86- %D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%B1%D8%A7%D8%A6%DB%8C%D9%84 ] (Mar 10 2026)

*Take Bahrain back! Annex it
**MP Aytallah Resaei Hamid[https://www.khabarfoori.com/%D8%A8%D8%AE%D8%B4-%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%A7%D8%B3%DB%8C-59/3200147-%DB%8C%DA%A9-%D9%86%D9%85%D8%A7%DB%8C%D9%86%D8%AF%D9%87-%D9%85%D8%AC%D9%84%D8%B3-%D8%A8%D8%AD%D8%B1%DB%8C%D9%86-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D9%BE%D8%B3-%D8%A8%DA%AF%DB%8C%D8%B1%DB%8C%D9%85 ], 12 March 2026

*I have seen his body after martyred, I heard he clenched his fist.You people have led the country. The will of the masses is to continue the effective and regrettable defense. Certainly, the leverage of blocking the Strait of Hormuz should still be used. Neighboring countries must make their position clear to the aggressors against our country... In any case, we will demand compensation from the enemy; if they refuse, we will seize as much of their property as we determine; if that is not possible, we will destroy as much of their property as we can.
**Mojtaba Khamenei (12 March 2026)[https://www.irna.ir/news/86100475/%D8%B1%D9%87%D8%A8%D8%B1-%D9%85%D8%B9%D8%B8%D9%85-%D8%A7%D9%86%D9%82%D9%84%D8%A7%D8%A8-%D8%AA%D8%A7%DA%A9%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%A8%D8%B1-%D9%86%D9%82%D8%B4-%D9%88-%D8%AD%D8%B6%D9%88%D8%B1-%D9%85%D8%B1%D8%AF%D9%85-%D8%AD%D8%B6%D9%88%D8%B1-%D8%AF%D8%B1-%D8%B5%D8%AD%D9%86%D9%87-%D8%A8%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%AF ][https://www.khabarfoori.com/%D8%A8%D8%AE%D8%B4-%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%A7%D8%B3%DB%8C-59/3200277-%D8%B4%D9%85%D8%A7-%D9%85%D8%B1%D8%AF%D9%85-%DA%A9%D8%B4%D9%88%D8%B1-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D8%B1%D9%87%D8%A8%D8%B1%DB%8C-%DA%A9%D8%B1%D8%AF%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%AA%D9%82%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%AE%D9%88%D9%86-%D8%B4%D9%87%DB%8C%D8%AF%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%B4%D9%85%D8%A7-%D8%B5%D8%B1%D9%81-%D9%86%D8%B8%D8%B1-%D9%86%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%87%DB%8C%D9%85-%DA%A9%D8%B1%D8%AF-%D9%87%D9%85%DA%86%D9%86%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%AA%D9%86%DA%AF%D9%87-%D9%87%D8%B1%D9%85%D8%B2-%D8%A8%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%A8%D8%B3%D8%AA%D9%87-%D8%A8%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%AF-%D9%85%D8%B9%D8%AA%D9%82%D8%AF-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AF%D9%88%D8%B3%D8%AA%DB%8C-%D8%A8%D8%A7-%D9%87%D9%85%D8%B3%D8%A7%DB%8C%DA%AF%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%87%D8%B3%D8%AA%DB%8C%D9%85 ]

*Aggression against soil of Iranian islands will shatter all restraint. We will abandon all restraint and make the Persian Gulf run with the blood of invaders.
**[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77477478/%D9%82%D8%A7%D9%84%DB%8C%D8%A8%D8%A7%D9%81-%D9%87%D8%B1%DA%AF%D9%88%D9%86%D9%87-%D8%AA%D8%B9%D8%AF%DB%8C-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AE%D8%A7%DA%A9-%D8%AC%D8%B2%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C-%D8%AE%D9%88%DB%8C%D8%B4%D9%86%D8%AF%D8%A7%D8%B1%DB%8C-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D8%AA%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%85-%D9%85%DB%8C], ''Qalibaf'' (12 March 2026)

*The [[United States]] is the largest Oil Producer in the World, by far, so when oil prices go up, we make a lot of money. BUT, of far greater interest and importance to me, as President, is stoping an evil Empire, Iran, from having Nuclear Weapons, and destroying the [[Middle East]] and, indeed, the World. I won’t ever let that happen!
**[[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/middle-east/iran-us-war-live-updates-supreme-leader-trump-oil-b2937272.html &quot;Iran-US war latest: Supreme leader statement threatens fresh attacks after UK base in Iraq hit by drone swarm&quot;], ''The Independent'' (12 March 2026)

*As long as America and Zionist exist humankind will not see quiet. To establish peace they must be destroyed
**Aytallah Khatami Imam Tehran [https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77485962/%D8%AE%D8%A7%D8%AA%D9%85%DB%8C-%D8%A8%D8%B1%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA%D9%82%D8%B1%D8%A7%D8%B1-%D8%B5%D9%84%D8%AD-%D8%A8%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%B1%DA%98%DB%8C%D9%85-%D8%B5%D9%87%DB%8C%D9%88%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%B3%D8%AA%DB%8C-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86-%D8%A8%D8%B1%D9%88%D8%AF ][https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77487036/%D8%AA%D8%A7-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7-%D9%88-%D8%B1%DA%98%DB%8C%D9%85-%D8%B5%D9%87%DB%8C%D9%88%D9%86%DB%8C-%D9%87%D8%B3%D8%AA%D9%86%D8%AF-%D8%A8%D8%B4%D8%B1%DB%8C%D8%AA-%D8%B1%D9%88%DB%8C-%D8%A2%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%85%D8%B4-%D9%86%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%87%D8%AF-%D8%AF%DB%8C%D8%AF] (13 March 2026)
*Just run!
**IRGC hebrew text [https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77499999/%D8%AE%D8%B7%D8%A7%D8%A8-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%B3%D8%A7%DA%A9%D9%86%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%B3%D8%B1%D8%B2%D9%85%DB%8C%D9%86-%D9%87%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D8%A7%D8%B4%D8%BA%D8%A7%D9%84%DB%8C-%DA%A9%D9%84%D8%A7-%D9%81%D8%B1%D8%A7%D8%B1-%DA%A9%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AF ] (14 March 2026)
*If Americans do heliborne operation on taking over Khark Island we will attack their bases and take prisoners
**FM Manouchehr Motaki Iran negotiators [https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77500152/%D8%A8%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D9%85%D8%AA%DA%A9%DB%8C-%D8%A7%DA%AF%D8%B1-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7%DB%8C%DB%8C-%D9%87%D8%A7-%D8%A8%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%87%D9%86%D8%AF-%D8%AC%D8%B2%DB%8C%D8%B1%D9%87-%D8%AE%D8%A7%D8%B1%DA%A9-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D8%A7%D8%B4%D8%BA%D8%A7%D9%84-%DA%A9%D9%86%D9%86%D8%AF ] (14 March 2026)
*If the [[2026 FIFA World Cup|World Cup]] games are in [[Mexico]] maybe we will go
**Minister of youth &amp; sport [https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77499588/%D8%A8%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D9%88%D8%B2%DB%8C%D8%B1-%D9%88%D8%B1%D8%B2%D8%B4-%D9%81%DB%8C%D9%81%D8%A7-%D8%A8%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D9%85%DB%8C%D8%B2%D8%A8%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C-%D8%AC%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%AC%D9%87%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7], (14 March 2026)
*Countries in region are supposed to pay reparations for killing Khamenei. 
**VP Mohammed Mokhber [https://www.mehrnews.com/news/6774791/%D9%85%D8%AE%D8%A8%D8%B1-%DA%A9%D8%B4%D9%88%D8%B1%D9%87%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D9%85%D9%86%D8%B7%D9%82%D9%87-%D9%85%DA%A9%D9%84%D9%81-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AC%D8%A8%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%AE%D8%B3%D8%A7%D8%B1%D8%AA-%D9%87%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D9%88%D8%A7%D8%B1%D8%AF%D9%87-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%87%D8%B3%D8%AA%D9%86%D8%AF] (14 March 2026)
*When I feel it. When I feel it in my bones.
**[[President Trump]] quoted when asked when the war will end: [https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/trump-says-iran-war-will-end-when-i-feel-it-in-my-bones_uk_69b57775e4b09d87d0277fa2 &quot;Trump Says Iran War Will End 'When I Feel It In My Bones'&quot;], ''Huffington Post'' (14 March 2026)
*It's a little unfair. You win a war, but they have no right to be doing what they're doing.
**[[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c70k29914q4o &quot;Surge in US petrol prices deepens political peril for Trump over Iran&quot;], ''BBC News'' (17 March 2026)
*Because of the fact that we have had such Military Success, we no longer “need,” or desire, the NATO Countries’ assistance — WE NEVER DID! Likewise, Japan, Australia, or South Korea. In fact, speaking as President of the United States of America, by far the Most Powerful Country Anywhere in the World, WE DO NOT NEED THE HELP OF ANYONE! 
**[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/116245182325726375 Donald Trump on Truth Social] (17 Mar 2026)

*[[Israel]], out of anger for what has taken place in the Middle East, has violently lashed out at a major facility known as South Pars Gas Field in Iran. A relatively small section of the whole has been hit. The United States knew nothing about this particular attack, and the country of [[Qatar]] was in no way, shape, or form, involved with it, nor did it have any idea that it was going to happen. Unfortunately, Iran did not know this, or any of the pertinent facts pertaining to the South Pars attack, and unjustifiably and unfairly attacked a portion of Qatar’s LNG Gas facility. NO MORE ATTACKS WILL BE MADE BY ISRAEL pertaining to this extremely important and valuable South Pars Field unless Iran unwisely decides to attack a very innocent, in this case, Qatar - In which instance the United States of America, with or without the help or consent of Israel, will massively blow up the entirety of the South Pars Gas Field at an amount of strength and power that Iran has never seen or witnessed before. I do not want to authorize this level of violence and destruction because of the long term implications that it will have on the future of Iran, but if Qatar’s LNG is again attacked, I will not hesitate to do so. 
**[[Donald Trump]] on [https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/116253388303392718 Truth Social] (Mar 19, 2026)

* Iranian missiles do not differentiate between Muslim and Christian and Jew and whichever religion, they're out there to kill anybody because they feel everybody who doesn't accept their belief is an infidel.
**Israeli President [[Isaac Herzog]] following the 2026 Beit Awwa salon strike in the West Bank. (Mar 19, 2026)[https://www.jpost.com/middle-east/iran-news/article-890479]

*We are getting very close to meeting our objectives as we consider winding down our great Military efforts in the Middle East with respect to the Terrorist Regime of [[Iran]]: (1) Completely degrading Iranian Missile Capability, Launchers, and everything else pertaining to them. (2) Destroying Iran’s Defense Industrial Base. (3) Eliminating their Navy and Air Force, including Anti Aircraft Weaponry. (4) Never allowing Iran to get even close to Nuclear Capability, and always being in a position where the U.S.A. can quickly and powerfully react to such a situation, should it take place. (5) Protecting, at the highest level, our Middle Eastern Allies, including [[Israel]], [[Saudi Arabia]], [[Qatar]], the [[United Arab Emirates]], [[w:Bahrain|Bahrain]], [[Kuwait]], and others. The [[w:Hormuz Strait|Hormuz Strait]] will have to be guarded and policed, as necessary, by other Nations who use it — The United States does not! 
**[[Donald Trump]] on [https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/116263563453969628 Truth Social] (Mar 20, 2026)

[[File:Strait of Hormuz.jpg|thumb|Strait of Hormuz]]
*If Iran doesn’t FULLY OPEN, WITHOUT THREAT, the [[w:Strait of Hormuz|Strait of Hormuz]], within 48 HOURS from this exact point in time, the United States of America will hit and obliterate their various POWER PLANTS, STARTING WITH THE BIGGEST ONE FIRST!
**[[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/clyxv87zwwpo &quot;Trump at a crossroads as US weighs tough options in Iran&quot;], ''BBC News'' (21 March 2026)

*In difficult times like these, when events seem both confused and confusing, [[Mark Twain]]’s “broken fragments of antique legends” can remind us of historical analogies like the collapse of the power and influence of [[Great Britain]] or of the [[Soviet Union]] that can help us understand how the past often whispers to the present — as it indeed seems to be doing these days in the [[Strait of Hormuz]].
** [[Alfred W. McCoy]], [https://inkstickmedia.com/how-the-iran-war-gave-trump-his-very-own-suez-crisis/ &quot;How the Iran War Gave Trump His Very Own Suez Crisis&quot;] (21 March 2026)

*No countries that are [[North Atlantic Treaty Organization|NATO]] allies that have been bullied by Trump are going to be willing… to go on this suicide mission for someone who is an asshole to them.
**Adam Mockler from [[w:MeidasTouch|MeidasTouch]] quoted telling [[CNN]] in [https://inews.co.uk/news/world/trump-iran-gamble-failed-americas-allies-pay-it-4309972 &quot;Trump’s Iran gamble has failed – and America’s allies will pay for it&quot;], ''iNews'' (March 22, 2026)

*Maybe me. Me and the ayatollah, whoever the ayatollah is, whoever the next ayatollah is. There’s automatically a regime change, but we’re dealing with some people that I find to be very reasonable, very solid. The people within know who they are. They’re very respected, and maybe one of them will be exactly what we’re looking for.
**[[Donald Trump]] quoted on who would control the [[w:Strait of Hormuz|Strait of Hormuz]] in [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/middle-east/trump-ayatollah-joint-leadership-hormuz-b2944024.html &quot;Trump proposes extraordinary ‘joint leadership’ of Iran alongside ayatollah&quot;], ''Independent'' (23 March 2026)

*No negotiations have been held with the US, and fake news is used to manipulate the financial and oil markets and escape the quagmire in which the US and Israel are trapped.
**[[w:Mohammad Bagher Ghalibaf|Mohammad Bagher Ghalibaf]] quoted in [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/middle-east/trump-ayatollah-joint-leadership-hormuz-b2944024.html &quot;Trump proposes extraordinary ‘joint leadership’ of Iran alongside ayatollah&quot;], ''Independent'' (23 March 2026)

*Because they’re going to make a deal. They did something yesterday that was amazing, actually. They gave us a present. And the present arrived today. And it was a very big present worth a tremendous amount of money. And I’m not going to tell you what that present is, but it was a very significant prize.… That meant one thing to me—we’re dealing with the right people.
**[[Donald Trump]] quoted on negotiations with [[Iran]] in [https://www.newsbreak.com/the-new-republic-1991457/4556482986909-trump-says-he-changed-his-mind-after-iran-gave-very-big-present &quot;Trump Says He Changed His Mind After Iran Gave 'Very Big Present'&quot;], ''Newsbreak'' (24 March 2026)

*Has the level of your inner ⁠struggle reached the stage ⁠of you negotiating with yourself?
**Iranian Ebrahim Zolfaqari's rhetorical question to Donald Trump quoted in [https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2026/3/25/us-talking-to-itself-says-iran-as-trump-claims-wheels-of-diplomacy-turning &quot;US talking to itself, says Iran as Trump claims wheels of diplomacy turning&quot;], ''Al Jazeera'' (25 March 2026)

* The enemy signals negotiation in public, while in secret it plots a ground attack. Our firing continues. Our missiles are in place. Our determination and faith have increased. [Iranian forces] are waiting for the arrival of American troops on the ground to set them on fire and punish their regional partners for ever.
** Iranian parliament speaker, [[w:Mohammad Bagher Ghalibaf|Mohammad Bagher Ghalibaf]], quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/world/2026/mar/29/iran-accuses-us-plotting-ground-assault-publicly-seeking-talks &quot;Iran accuses US of plotting ground assault while publicly seeking talks&quot;], ''Guardian'' (29 March 2026)

*This is our God: Jesus, king of peace, who rejects war, whom no one can use to justify war. He does not listen to the prayers of those who wage war, but rejects them.
* ([[Isaiah]] 1:15) ‘Even though you make many prayers, I will not listen: your hands are full of blood.’
**[[Pope Leo XIV]] quoting ''Book of Isaiah'', reported in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/cje4x38q8xqt?post=asset%3A58d1f907-b13b-443a-b413-d7741b63b566 &quot;'Hands full of blood': Pope Leo seemingly criticises those involved in war&quot;], ''BBC News'' (29 March 2026)

===Apr 2026===
[[File:Gas prices Sonoma, California April 7 2026.jpg|thumb|Trump: We will consider when Hormuz Strait is open, free, and clear. Until then, we are blasting Iran into oblivion or, as they say, back to the Stone Ages.]]
*We're finishing the job, and I think within maybe two weeks, maybe a couple of days longer, to do the job. But we want to knock out every single thing they have. Now, it's possible that we'll make a deal before that.
**[[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://newsroom.ap.org/editorial-photos-videos/detail?itemid=ad13f6002bde4e30befd5495f58499d9 &quot;Trump: US could leave Iran in 2 to 3 weeks, securing Strait of Hormuz is 'not for us'&quot;], ''AP News'' (Apr 1, 2026)

*We will consider [a ceasefire] when [[w:Hormuz Strait|Hormuz Strait]] is open, free, and clear. Until then, we are blasting [[Iran]] into oblivion or, as they say, back to the Stone Ages.
**[[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-iran-speech-stone-age-b2950116.html &quot;Trump threatens both Iran and NATO allies ahead of primetime address on war: ‘Back to the Stone Ages’&quot;], ''Independent'' (Apr 1, 2026)

*If hostility escalates, the entire region will turn into hell for you; the illusion of defeating the Islamic Republic of Iran will become a quagmire into which you will sink.
**[[w:Ebrahim Zolfaghari|Ebrahim Zolfaghari]] quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c5y90jl8veyo US and &quot;Iran trade threats to unleash 'hell' as search for missing US airman continues&quot;], ''BBC News'' (4 April 2026)

*In the attempt to try to prevent Iran from developing a weapon of mass destruction, the US handed Iran a weapon of mass disruption.
**Ali Vaez, quoted in [https://www.reuters.com/world/middle-east/us-intelligence-warns-iran-unlikely-ease-hormuz-strait-chokehold-soon-sources-2026-04-03/ Reuters]

*Tuesday will be Power Plant Day, and Bridge Day, all wrapped up in one, in Iran. There will be nothing like it!!! Open the Fuckin' Strait, you crazy bastards, or you'll be living in Hell - JUST WATCH! Praise be to Allah. President DONALD J. TRUMP
**[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cvg0q6wdzp1o Trump issues expletive-laden threat to Iran over Hormuz Strait blockage], ''BBC News'' (5 April 2026)

* Subject to the Islamic Republic of Iran agreeing to the COMPLETE, IMMEDIATE, and SAFE OPENING of the Strait of Hormuz, I agree to suspend the bombing and attack of Iran for a period of two weeks
** [[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026/apr/07/trump-iran-war-ceasefire US and Iran agree to provisional ceasefire as Tehran says it will reopen strait of Hormuz], ''The Guardian'' (8 April 2026 )

* If attacks against Iran are halted, our Powerful Armed Forces will cease their defensive operations. For a period of two weeks, safe passage through the Strait of Hormuz will be possible via coordination with Iran's Armed Forces and with due consideration of technical limitations.
** Iran’s foreign minister, [[w:Abbas Araghchi|Abbas Araghchi]] quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026/apr/07/trump-iran-war-ceasefire &quot;US and Iran agree to provisional ceasefire as Tehran says it will reopen strait of Hormuz&quot;], ''The Guardian'' (8 April 2026 )

* The Iranians don’t seem to realize they have no cards, other than a short term extortion of the World by using International Waterways. The only reason they are alive today is to negotiate!
** [[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/world/2026/apr/10/jd-vance-warns-iran-against-trying-to-play-the-us-in-peace-talks &quot;JD Vance warns Iran against trying to ‘play’ the US in peace talks&quot;], ''The Guardian'' (10 April 2026 )

*The simple question is, do we see a fundamental commitment of will for the Iranians not to develop a nuclear weapon, not just now, not just two years from now, but for the long term. We haven’t seen that yet.
**[[JD Vance]]  quoted in [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/middle-east/iran-us-peace-talks-vance-trump-b2956013.html &quot;Why the US-Iran peace talks failed after just one day – and what happens next&quot;], ''The Independent'' (12 April 2026)

* We’re going to clean out the strait.
**[[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/5827840-trump-navy-strait-hormuz-blockade/ &quot;US military will ‘clean out’ Strait of Hormuz: Trump&quot;], ''The Hill'' (12 April 2026)

* We’re very disappointed with [[NATO]], we’re very, very disappointed that they didn’t come. Now, they want to come and they want to help with the strait.
**Trump quoted in [https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/5827840-trump-navy-strait-hormuz-blockade/ &quot;US military will ‘clean out’ Strait of Hormuz: Trump&quot;], ''The Hill'' (12 April 2026)

[[File:Straße von Hormuz.jpg|thumb|Trump - Iran has agreed to never close the Strait of Hormuz again]]

* In line with the ceasefire in Lebanon, the passage for all commercial vessels through [the] [[w:Strait of Hormuz|Strait of Hormuz]] is declared completely open for the remaining period of ceasefire, on the coordinated route as already announced by Ports and Maritime Organisation of the Islamic Rep. of Iran.
** Iran Foreign Minister [[w:Abbas Araghchi|Abbas Araghchi]] quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/cqxdg17yr2wt Iran says Strait of Hormuz is 'open' as Trump says US blockade will continue until deal reached], ''BBC News'' (Apr 17, 2026)

* [[Iran]] has agreed to never close the Strait of Hormuz again. It will no longer be used as a weapon against the World!
** [https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/116420562510387829 Donald Trump on Truth Social] (Apr 17, 2026)

* Based on the fact that the Government of [[Iran]] is seriously fractured, not unexpectedly so and, upon the request of Field Marshal Asim Munir, and Prime Minister [[w:Shehbaz Sharif|Shehbaz Sharif]], of [[Pakistan]], we have been asked to hold our Attack on the Country of Iran until such time as their leaders and representatives can come up with a unified proposal. I have therefore directed our Military to continue the Blockade and, in all other respects, remain ready and able, and will therefore extend the Ceasefire until such time as their proposal is submitted, and discussions are concluded, one way or the other.
** [[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/cx297218m9vt &quot;Iran says reopening Strait of Hormuz 'impossible' if US blockade continues&quot;], ''BBC News'' (Apr 22, 2026)

* We are all 'Iranian' and 'revolutionary,' and with the iron unity of the nation and government, with complete obedience to the Supreme Leader. We will make the aggressor criminal regret his actions.
** Iran's President {{w|Masoud Pezeshkian}} quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/c0mjev4kn9jt?page=2 &quot;Trump says Israel-Lebanon ceasefire extended by three weeks, but he won't 'rush' Iran deal&quot;], ''BBC News'' (Apr 24, 2026)

===May 2026===
*Iran has taken some shots at unrelated Nations with respect to the Ship Movement, PROJECT FREEDOM, including a South Korean Cargo Ship. Perhaps it’s time for South Korea to come and join the mission!{{Pbri}}We’ve shot down seven small Boats or, as they like to call them, “fast” Boats. It’s all they have left. Other than the South Korean Ship, there has been, at this moment, no damage going through the Strait. Secretary of War Pete Hegseth and Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Dan Caine, will have a News Conference tomorrow morning.
** [https://truthsocial.com/@realdonaldtrump Trump Truth Social Truth], 4 May 2026 
*Countries from all over the World. almost all of which are not involved in the Middle Eastern dispute going on so visibly, and violently, for all to see, have asked the United States if we could help free up their Ships. which are locked up in the Strait of Hormuz, on something which they have absolutely nothing to do with - They are merely neutral and innocent bystanders! For the good of Iran, the Middle East, and the United States, we have told these Countries that we will guide their Ships safely out of these restricted Waterways, so that they can freely and ably get on with their business. Again, these are Ships from areas of the World that are not in any way involved with that which is currently taking place in the Middle East. I have told my Representatives to inform them that we will use best efforts to get their Ships and Crews safely out of the Strait. In all cases, they said they will not be returning until the area becomes safe for navigation, and everything else. This process, '''Project Freedom''', will begin Monday morning, Middle East time. I am fully aware that my Representatives are having very positive discussions with the Country of Iran, and that these discussions could lead to something very positive for all. The Ship movement is merely meant to free up people, companies, and Countries that have done absolutely nothing wrong - They are victims of circumstance. This is a Humanitarian gesture on behalf of the United States, Middle Eastern Countries but, in particular, the Country of Iran. Many of these Ships are running low on food, and everything else necessary for large scale crews to stay on board in a healthy and sanitary manner. I think it would go a long way in showing Goodwill on behalf of all of those who have been fighting so strenuously over the last number of months. If, in any way, this Humanitarian process is interfered with, that interference will, unfortunately, have to be dealt with forcefully. Thank you for your attention to this matter!
**[https://truthsocial.com/@realdonaldtrump Trump Truth Social Truth]
*Quranic verdict of Zarif and Rouhani is execution definitely indeed
**Qasemian[https://www.khabaronline.ir/news/2213690/%D8%A8%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D9%82%D8%A7%D8%B3%D9%85%DB%8C%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%AD%DA%A9%D9%85-%D9%82%D8%B1%D8%A2%D9%86%DB%8C-%D8%A8%D8%B1%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%B1%D8%AF-%D8%A8%D8%A7-%D8%B8%D8%B1%DB%8C%D9%81-%D9%88-%D8%B1%D9%88%D8%AD%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C-%D9%82%D8%B7%D8%B9%D8%A7-%D8%A7%D8%B9%D8%AF%D8%A7%D9%85 ]19:05, (3 May 2026)
* Do you take out your wife, sister and wife so that unmarried men can look? There is a law, the parliament has approved it. I advise these women who come out without hijab: gather yourself. If these people decide, they will destroy your life. Netanyahu kills people, you beat people's opinion. They come again and appear in the square and street. Will you bring your sister and this woman so that the eyes of non-mahram men will fall on her situation?
**[https://www.khabaronline.ir/news/2213662/%D8%A7%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%AC%D9%85%D8%B9%D9%87-%D8%B1%D8%B4%D8%AA-%D8%A7%DA%AF%D8%B1-%D9%85%D8%B1%D8%AF%D9%85-%D8%AA%D8%B5%D9%85%DB%8C%D9%85-%D8%A8%DA%AF%DB%8C%D8%B1%D9%86%D8%AF-%D8%AF%D9%85%D8%A7%D8%B1-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%B1%D9%88%D8%B2%DA%AF%D8%A7%D8%B1-%D8%A8%DB%8C-%D8%AD%D8%AC%D8%A7%D8%A8-%D9%87%D8%A7 Imam Juma Rasht] (3 May 2026)

* Operation Epic Fury is concluded. We achieved the objectives of that operation.
** [[Marco Rubio]] quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/c1wz2ld4535t US &quot;Secretary of State Marco Rubio says offensive stage of Iran war is 'over'&quot;], ''BBC News'' (4 May 2026)

* Based on the request of [[Pakistan]] and other Countries, the tremendous Military Success that we have had during the Campaign against the Country of Iran and, additionally, the fact that Great Progress has been made toward a Complete and Final Agreement with Representatives of Iran, we have mutually agreed that, while the Blockade will remain in full force and effect, Project Freedom (The Movement of Ships through the Strait of Hormuz) will be paused for a short period of time to see whether or not the Agreement can be finalized and signed. 
** Trump quoted in  [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/c152zyj0599t &quot;Trump says US will pause operation to guide ships through Strait of Hormuz&quot;], ''BBC News'' (6 May 2026)

* We have such a great military and great navy. And they were going straight through, and they said, “Turn your ship around!”. And there was no response. “Turn your ship around! Evacuate your engine room immediately!” And you see all these guys running out of there. Now, they’re five miles away — in one shot, into the engine room, blew up the engine room; the ship stopped, and they used tugboats. And then we landed on top of it — on top of everything else — we then land on top of it. And '''we took over the ship; we took over the cargo, took over the oil. It’s a very profitable business'''. Who would have thought we were doing that? '''We’re like pirates. We’re sort of like pirates'''. But we’re not playing games.
** Trump quoted in [https://geopoliticaleconomy.com/2026/05/09/trump-pirates-iran-ships-china-us-sanctions/ Trump boasts ‘we’re like pirates’, seizing Iran’s ships, as China challenges US sanctions]. Geopolitical Economy Report. (9 May 2026)

* We will never bow our heads before the enemy, and if talk of dialogue or negotiation arises, it does not mean surrender or retreat.
** Iranian President [[w:Masoud Pezeshkian|Masoud Pezeshkian]] quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/clypgz9e5pmo &quot;Trump calls Iran response to US proposal to end war 'totally unacceptable&quot;], ''BBC News'' (10 May 2026)
*
1.They martyred the great and devoted leader of the Islamic Revolution 
2.No Muslim country came to Iran aid 
What sort of Islam is this .. what kind of Muslimhoodness is this
3.- Iran continues to resist the big and small Satan (America and Israel
4.On one side of today's battle are America and Israel, and on the other side are Muslim Iran and the resistance forces. Which side are you
5.- Think about the future of the Islamic world. You know that America is not loyal to you and Israel is your enemy. Think for a minute about yourself and the future of the region. 
6.unity of the Islamic Ummah with all its power can provide and guarantee the security, excellence and independence of countries for everyone
**letter to 6 countries Larijani[https://fa.alalam.ir/news/7428293/%D9%86%D8%A7%D9%85%D9%87-%DB%B6-%D8%A8%D9%86%D8%AF%DB%8C-%D8%B9%D9%84%DB%8C-%D9%84%D8%A7%D8%B1%DB%8C%D8%AC%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C-%D8%AE%D8%B7%D8%A7%D8%A8-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D9%85%D8%B3%D9%84%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%AC%D9%87%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%88-%D8%AF%D9%88%D9%84%D8%AA-%D9%87%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D9%84%D8%A7%D9%85%DB%8C ]
*If you want internet Pack and get up leave your things go to Afghanistan live there where is internet
**IRIB anchor man [https://fararu.com/fa/news/970808/%D8%B4%D9%87%D8%A8%D8%A7%D8%B2%DB%8C-%D8%A7%DA%AF%D8%B1-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D9%86%D8%AA%D8%B1%D9%86%D8%AA-5g-%D8%A7%D9%81%D8%BA%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%B3%D8%AA%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%85%DB%8C-%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%87%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%A8%D8%B1%D9%88%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D9%87%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%AC%D8%A7-%D8%B2%D9%86%D8%AF%DA%AF%DB%8C-%DA%A9%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AF ]p
*Like a rogue gang, the Iranian regime is pillaging resources that rightfully belong to the Iraqi people. Treasury will not stand idly by as Iran's military exploits Iraqi oil to fund terrorism against the United States and our partners.
**[https://twitter.com/SecScottBessent/status/2052447601304178863?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw Bessent]
*Gods order to fight Fitne. Israel is to be wiped off out.Division cause failure against enemies 
**Imam Karaj[https://www.imna.ir/news/971477/%D8%A7%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%AC%D9%85%D8%B9%D9%87-%DA%A9%D8%B1%D8%AC-%D8%A7%D8%AE%D8%AA%D9%84%D8%A7%D9%81-%D8%A7%D9%81%DA%A9%D9%86%DB%8C-%D8%B2%D9%85%DB%8C%D9%86%D9%87-%D8%B3%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%B4%DA%A9%D8%B3%D8%AA-%D8%AF%D8%B1-%D8%A8%D8%B1%D8%A7%D8%A8%D8%B1-%D8%AF%D8%B4%D9%85%D9%86%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA ][https://www.didbaniran.ir/%D8%A8%D8%AE%D8%B4-%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%A7%D8%B3%DB%8C-3/284228-%D8%A7%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%AC%D9%85%D8%B9%D9%87-%DA%A9%D8%B1%D8%AC-%D8%AF%D8%B3%D8%AA%D9%88%D8%B1-%D8%AE%D8%AF%D8%A7-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D9%86-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA-%DA%A9%D9%87-%D8%AA%D8%A7-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86-%D8%B1%D9%81%D8%AA%D9%86-%D9%81%D8%AA%D9%86%D9%87-%D8%A8%D8%AC%D9%86%DA%AF%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AF%D8%B4%D9%85%D9%86-%D8%A7%D8%AC%D8%A7%D8%B2%D9%87-%D8%A8%D8%A7%D8%B2%D8%B3%D8%A7%D8%B2%DB%8C-%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%AF%D8%B4-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D9%86%D8%AF%D9%87%DB%8C%D9%85 ]
*Report of high Damage of internet blackout from government is greatly exaggerated .
**[https://www.zoomit.ir/iran-news/459800-denies-exaggerated-internet-outage-claims/] MP of Tehran 18:28, 15 May 2026 (UTC)~

*Trump is hopeless and desperate he went to begging China for no result. He will not be satisfied until Iran is destoryed.
**[https://www.khabaronline.ir/news/2219513/%D8%A7%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%AC%D9%85%D8%B9%D9%87-%D8%A7%D8%B1%D8%AF%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%84-%D8%AA%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%85%D9%BE-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%AA%D9%85%D8%A7%D8%B3-%D8%A8%D9%87-%DA%86%DB%8C%D9%86-%D8%B9%D9%84%DB%8C%D9%87-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%86%D8%AA%DB%8C%D8%AC%D9%87-%D9%86%DA%AF%D8%B1%D9%81%D8%AA Ayatollah Imam Ardebil] 18:28, 15 May 2026 (UTC)~

*China encourages the US and Iran to continue resolving their differences and disputes, including the nuclear issue, through negotiations, and advocates the swift reopening of the Strait of Hormuz on the basis of maintaining a ceasefire
**Chinese FM Wang[https://aa.com.tr/en/asia-pacific/chinese-top-diplomat-urges-diplomacy-on-iran-after-trump-xi-summit/3938851 ]18:28, 15 May 2026 (UTC)~

*The most important issue today is trust. We cannot trust the Americans in any way
**Iraqchi [https://en.mehrnews.com/news/244536/Araghchi-holds-presser-in-New-Delhi ] 18:30, 15 May 2026 (UTC)~

== See also ==
* [[Iran]]
* [[Israel]]
* [[Middle East]]
* [[Second presidency of Donald Trump]]
* [[Might makes right]]

== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}
{{Commons category}}
* [https://www.bbc.com BBC coverage of 2026 Iran conflict]
* [https://www.aljazeera.com/news Al Jazeera: Iran crisis coverage]

[[Category:2026]]
[[Category:2020s in Iran]]
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      <text bytes="77268" sha1="njv4k99cujg1jfibrk6bilfp66v5kwy" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Pirate Flag of Jack Rackham.svg|thumb|We took over the ship; we took over the cargo, took over the oil. It’s a very profitable business . . . We’re like pirates. We’re sort of like pirates. - Trump[https://geopoliticaleconomy.com/2026/05/09/trump-pirates-iran-ships-china-us-sanctions/]]]

[[File:Flag of the United States Secretary of the Army.svg|thumb|God is good~Hegseth[https://www.cnn.com/2026/04/06/politics/hegseth-trump-iran-war-easter-christianity-analysis ]]][[File:TrinityDetonation1945GIF.gif|thumb|If there's no ceasefire, you're just going to have to look at one big glow coming out of Iran. President DJT[https://www.skynews.com.au/world-news/united-states/one-big-glow-coming-out-of-iran-trumps-wild-threat-as-he-hints-peace-deal-talks-might-collapse/video/8a668c00deaff3d27568bc78441e4a29 ]]]
[[File:Seal_of_the_Army_of_the_Guardians_of_the_Islamic_Revolution.svg|thumb|Having an atomic bomb is used to scare the enemy, and we should not use this bomb on the people in any way, unless it happens.[http://didbaniran.ir/fa/tiny/news-281553 Nataj]]][[File:Donald Trump OEF.jpg|thumb|Trump: &quot;I think the war is very complete, pretty much&quot; (Mar 9th)]]
On 28 February 2026, [[Israel]] and the [[United States]] launched a '''[[w:2026 Iran War|coordinated joint attack]]''' on multiple sites in [[Iran]], sparking a major conflict. The operation, codenamed '''Operation Roaring Lion''' and '''Operation Epic Fury''' by the [[w:United States Department of Defense|U.S. Department of Defense]], targeted senior Iranian officials, military command centers, and key strategic facilities, with the declared aim of [[w:regime change|regime change]]. The attack included the [[w:Assassination of Ali Khamenei|assassination]] of Iran’s second [[w:Supreme Leader of Iran|Supreme Leader]], [[Ali Khamenei]].

The strikes began in the cities of [[Tehran]], [[w:Isfahan|Isfahan]], [[w:Qom|Qom]], [[w:Karaj|Karaj]], and [[w:Kermanshah|Kermanshah]]. Several Iranian government figures were killed, including [[w:Ali Shamkhani|Ali Shamkhani]], the secretary of the [[w:Supreme National Security Council|Supreme National Security Council]]. Witnesses reported explosions across multiple regions. Israeli Defense Minister [[w:Israel Katz|Israel Katz]] confirmed that the [[w:Israel Defense Forces|Israel Defense Forces]] had conducted the strikes. [[w:Donald Trump|Donald Trump]], in a video posted on [[w:Truth Social|Truth Social]], announced that the United States had joined Israel in launching attacks against Iran.

In retaliation, Iranian forces launched dozens of [[w:Unmanned aerial vehicles in the Iranian military|drones]] and [[w:ballistic missiles|ballistic missiles]] across the [[w:Persian Gulf|Persian Gulf]], targeting Israel as well as U.S. military installations in [[Jordan]], [[Kuwait]], [[w:Bahrain|Bahrain]], [[Qatar]], [[Iraq]], [[Saudi Arabia]], and the [[United Arab Emirates]].
[[File:Khamenei last end year 5458884.jpg|thumb|The newly supreme appointed leader should deliver message of the peace to world and declare new era in Iran , a historic neccessity to free political prisoners and declare public general amnesty for those that haven't collaborated in killing Iranians and/or 2026 Iran massacres [https://www.khabarfoori.com/%D8%A8%D8%AE%D8%B4-%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%A7%D8%B3%DB%8C-59/3198657-%D8%AC%D8%A8%D9%87%D9%87-%D8%A7%D8%B5%D9%84%D8%A7%D8%AD%D8%A7%D8%AA-%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%AA%D8%AE%D8%A7%D8%A8-%D8%B1%D9%87%D8%A8%D8%B1%DB%8C-%D8%AC%D8%AF%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D9%85%DB%8C-%D8%A8%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B3%D8%AA-%D8%AD%D8%A7%D9%88%DB%8C-%D9%BE%DB%8C%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%B5%D9%84%D8%AD-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AC%D9%87%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A2%D8%BA%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%AF%D9%88%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C-%D8%AA%D8%A7%D8%B2%D9%87-%D8%AF%D8%B1-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A8%D8%A7%D8%B4%D8%AF-%D8%A7%D8%B9%D9%84%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%B9%D9%81%D9%88-%D8%B9%D9%85%D9%88%D9%85%DB%8C-%DA%A9%D9%84%DB%8C%D9%87-%DA%A9%D8%B3%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C-%DA%A9%D9%87-%D8%AF%D8%B3%D8%AA%D8%B4%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AE%D9%88%D9%86-%D8%A2%D9%84%D9%88%D8%AF%D9%87-%D9%86%D8%B4%D8%AF%D9%87-%D8%A2%D8%B2%D8%A7%D8%AF%DB%8C-%D9%87%D9%85%D9%87-%D8%B2%D9%86%D8%AF%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%A7%D8%B3%DB%8C-%D9%81%D8%B9%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%85%D8%AF%D9%86%DB%8C-%DB%8C%DA%A9-%D8%B6%D8%B1%D9%88%D8%B1%D8%AA-%D9%85%D9%84%DB%8C-%D8%AA%D8%A7%D8%B1%DB%8C%D8%AE%DB%8C-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA ]]][[File:Mojtaba Khamenei 2019.jpg|thumb|another Khamenei is coming.~[https://www.khabarfoori.com/%D8%A8%D8%AE%D8%B4-%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%A7%D8%B3%DB%8C-59/3198781-%D8%AA%D8%A7%DB%8C%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%AA%D9%84%D9%88%DB%8C%D8%AD%DB%8C-%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%AA%D8%AE%D8%A7%D8%A8-%D8%A2%DB%8C%D8%AA-%D8%A7%D9%84%D9%84%D9%87-%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D9%85%D8%AC%D8%AA%D8%A8%DB%8C-%D8%AE%D8%A7%D9%85%D9%86%D9%87-%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D8%A8%D8%B9%D9%86%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%B1%D9%87%D8%A8%D8%B1-%D8%A8%D8%B9%D8%AF%DB%8C-%D8%AA%D9%88%D8%B3%D8%B7-%D8%B9%D8%B6%D9%88-%D8%AE%D8%A8%D8%B1%DA%AF%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%B1%D9%87%D8%A8%D8%B1%DB%8C QomImam]]][[File:Flag of the Cooperation Council for the Arab States of the Gulf.svg|thumb|Trump is hysterical and struggling with last final breaths. Americans are at the end of their rope. Enemy is caught in desperate swamp...Netanyahu pumped up US to attack, we will exact vengeance...Trump you are a retarded person, ...we are funneling through pass of war,... Iranians have civilization, countries of region are acting like cuckold pimps... Trump says some people within of our military have defected give us 2 of these people names to us[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77421052/%D8%B9%D9%84%DB%8C-%D9%84%D8%A7%D8%B1%DB%8C%D8%AC%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C-%D8%AA%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%85%D9%BE-%D8%A2%D8%AF%D9%85-%D8%B9%D9%82%D8%A8-%D8%A7%D9%81%D8%AA%D8%A7%D8%AF%D9%87-%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA-%D8%AF%D8%A7%D8%B1%DB%8C%D9%85-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%DA%AF%D8%B1%D8%AF%D9%86%D9%87-%D8%AC%D9%86%DA%AF ~Larijani][https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77421726/%D8%A8%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%B9%D9%84%DB%8C-%D9%84%D8%A7%D8%B1%DB%8C%D8%AC%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C-%D9%86%D9%81%D8%B3-%D9%87%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D8%A2%D8%AE%D8%B1-%D8%AA%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%85%D9%BE-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA-%D9%87%DB%8C%D8%B3%D8%AA%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9-%D8%B4%D8%AF%D9%87-%D9%88 ][https://farsnews.ir/mohammadreza_dehghan/1772912586911483130/%D8%B9%D9%84%DB%8C-%D9%84%D8%A7%D8%B1%DB%8C%D8%AC%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C-%D8%AA%D8%A7-%DA%AF%D8%B1%D9%81%D8%AA%D9%86-%D8%AA%D8%A7%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%AF%D8%B3%D8%AA-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%B3%D8%B1-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7-%D8%A8%D8%B1%D9%86%D9%85%DB%8C-%D8%AF%D8%A7%D8%B1%DB%8C%D9%85 ]]][[File:State_flag_of_Iran_(1964%E2%80%931980).svg|thumb|Seventeen 17 cities of Caucasian Iran was separated from Iran by Tsar Russia. We are reborn from ashes of Mongol invasion and Timurid.[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77413081/%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B3%D8%AA%D8%A7%D8%AF%DA%AF%DB%8C-%D8%AE%D9%88%D9%86-%D9%88-%D8%AE%D8%A7%DA%A9 ]]]

== Quotes ==
&lt;small&gt;Please add quotes in chronological order&lt;/small&gt;
===Feb 2026===
*Finally, to the great, proud people of Iran, I say tonight that the hour of your freedom is at hand… Stay sheltered. Don't leave your home. It's very dangerous outside. Bombs will be dropping everywhere . when we are finished, take over your  government. It will be yours to take. This will be probably your only chance for
**Trump [https://www.pbs.org/newshour/world/read-trumps-full-statement-on-iran-attack PRESIDENT TRUMP's message to the great people of Iran ..]
*firm of heart against the disbelievers, compassionate among themselves.
**Khamenei quoted Quran[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77473280/%D8%A3%D8%B4%D8%AF%D8%A7%D8%A1-%D8%B9%D9%84%DB%8C-%D8%A7%D9%84%DA%A9%D9%81%D8%A7%D8%B1-%D8%B1%D8%AD%D9%85%D8%A7%D8%A1-%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86%D9%87%D9%85 ]
*There's a special place in hell reserved for pro-Trump Iranians.
**IRGC Mashre Dimitri Lascaris [https://www.shahrekhabar.com/news/177328434067132 ]
*400,000 armed people are ready to go to revolt against the United States government system
**Gen Araste[https://www.ettelaat.com/news/140255/%DB%B4%DB%B0%DB%B0-%D9%87%D8%B2%D8%A7%D8%B1-%D9%86%D9%81%D8%B1-%D9%85%D8%B3%D9%84%D8%AD-%D8%AF%D8%B1-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%A7%D8%AF%D9%87-%D9%82%DB%8C%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%B9%D9%84%DB%8C%D9%87-%D9%86%D8%B8%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D9%86-%DA%A9%D8%B4%D9%88%D8%B1-%D9%87%D8%B3%D8%AA%D9%86%D8%AF#ref=shahrekhabar ]
*Russia and China will win the war not just Iran
**IRGC Gen RahimSafavi[https://www.shahrekhabar.com/news/177326496039426 ]
*We have arm around Americans neck we will be slapping it when it moves
**IRGC Gen Mohsen rezai[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77471755/%D9%85%D8%AD%D8%B3%D9%86-%D8%B1%D8%B6%D8%A7%DB%8C%DB%8C-%D8%AF%D8%B3%D8%AA%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%BE%D8%B4%D8%AA-%DA%AF%D8%B1%D8%AF%D9%86-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA-%D8%AA%D8%A7-%D8%A8%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%87%D8%AF-%D8%AA%DA%A9%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A8%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%B1%D8%AF-%DB%8C%DA%A9 ]
*If anyone comes to street they are seen as enemies and not as protestors.All our kids are putting their finger on triggers all alleys , streets , city squares belong to Police, special units and The IRGC Basij.
**FARAJA Cmdr Gen Ahmed Radan[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77462710/%D8%B3%D8%B1%D8%AF%D8%A7%D8%B1-%D8%B1%D8%A7%D8%AF%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A7%DA%AF%D8%B1-%DA%A9%D8%B3%DB%8C-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA-%D8%AF%D8%B4%D9%85%D9%86-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AE%DB%8C%D8%A7%D8%A8%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A8%DB%8C%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%A7%D9%88-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D9%85%D8%B9%D8%AA%D8%B1%D8%B6 ]
* I can see that the peace deal is within our reach... if we... allow [[diplomacy]] the space it needs to get there... I don't think any alternative to diplomacy is going to solve this problem. ...The [[heart]] of this deal is very important and ...we have captured that heart. ...[I]f the ultimate objective is to ensure forever, that Iran cannot have a [[Nuclear weapons|nuclear bomb]] ...we have cracked that problem ...[W]e are talking about zero stockpiling ...[I]f you cannot stockpile material that is enriched ...there is no way you can ...create a bomb ...and ...equally important ...full and comprehensive verification by the [[w:International Atomic Energy Agency|IAEA]] ...The current stockpiles ...will be down-blended to the lowest level possible ...and converted into fuel that ...will be irreversible. ...I am ...confident ...that even the United States inspectors will have access at some point ...if we have a deal that is respected, and fair, and ...durable ...We have agreed, in general, to discuss economic and security cooperation between Iran and its neighbors, and set up a process of dialogue that will ...start the elements of building confidence, ...a rapport, a process that can ...lead ...to an understanding on all these ...areas of concern ...on the Iranian side, and ...on the [[w:Gulf Cooperation Council|GCC]] side. ...Broad terms, ...the politics, the ...main issues ...can be agreed [upon] tomorrow. The technicalities will take some time to work... out with... the IAEA. ...[T]hat can also be done ...relatively quickly, because a lot of this ...groundwork was done years ago, and it's ...in place. ...The substantial progress... is... far more than any time before. We just need that bit of extra time to close the deal.
** {{w|Badr bin Hamad Al Busaidi}}, &quot;Oman's foreign minister says U.S.-Iran nuclear 'deal is within our reach'&quot; (Feb 27, 2026) ''{{w|Face the Nation}}'' statements prior to the US-Israeli attacks. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pg5sXQDR8NY&amp;t=38s A Youtube video source.]

*Mahdi is with us and in charge of Umma, he has through Assembly of Experts introduced Ayatallah Mojtaba Khamenei
**[https://kayhan.ir/fa/news/328896/%D8%A7%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%B2%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%B9%D8%AC-%D9%88%D9%84%DB%8C-%D9%81%D9%82%DB%8C%D9%87-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AE%D8%A8%D8%B1%DA%AF%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%85%D8%B9%D8%B1%D9%81%DB%8C-%DA%A9%D8%B1%D8%AF-%D9%86%DA%A9%D8%AA%D9%87 Hossein Shariatmadare]
*The revolution will not sit down until flag of Mahdi is raised on all corners of earth
**[https://kayhan.ir/fa/news/328901/%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%B9%D9%84%DB%8C-%D8%AE%D8%A7%D9%85%D9%86%D9%87%E2%80%8C%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D8%A8%D8%A7-%D9%86%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%AC%D8%AF%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D9%85%D8%AC%D8%AA%D8%A8%DB%8C-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%AF%D9%87-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA Hossein Shariatmadare]
*To save his soldiers Trump has gone to Volodymir Zelensky president-clown of Ukraine for aid
**[https://kayhan.ir/fa/news/328922/%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7-%D8%A8%D8%B1%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D9%86%D8%AC%D8%A7%D8%AA-%D8%AC%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%B3%D8%B1%D8%A8%D8%A7%D8%B2%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%B4-%D8%AF%D8%B3%D8%AA-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AF%D8%A7%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%86-%DB%8C%DA%A9-%D8%AF%D9%84%D9%82%DA%A9-%D8%B4%D8%AF Hossein Shariatmadare]
*War's balance changed and Islamic Republic of Iran has the upper hand, there won't be a negotiatons any country who helps America will be targeted as enemy
**[https://tasnimnews.ir/fa/news/1404/12/19/3537514/%D9%85%D9%88%D9%81%D9%82%DB%8C%D8%AA-90-%D8%AF%D8%B1%D8%B5%D8%AF%DB%8C-%D8%AD%D9%85%D9%84%D8%A7%D8%AA-%D9%85%D9%88%D8%B4%DA%A9%DB%8C-%D9%88-%D9%BE%D9%87%D9%BE%D8%A7%D8%AF%DB%8C-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%85%D9%88%D8%A7%D8%B2%D9%86%D9%87-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D9%86%D9%81%D8%B9-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA ICA]
*A vessel has passed through Hormuz strait , an United States (US) military navy escorted her. In Playstation
**ICA[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77461463/%D9%88%D8%A7%DA%A9%D9%86%D8%B4-%D8%B1%D8%A6%DB%8C%D8%B3-%D9%85%D8%AC%D9%84%D8%B3-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%A7%D8%AF%D8%B9%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D8%AF%D8%B1%D9%88%D8%BA%DB%8C%D9%86-%D9%88%D8%B2%DB%8C%D8%B1-%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%B1%DA%98%DB%8C-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7-%D8%AF%D8%B1%D8%A8%D8%A7%D8%B1%D9%87-%D8%AA%D9%86%DA%AF%D9%87 ]
*We have only just begun our missiles have left utter ruin and destruction ,Netanyahu won't let you see
**Abbas Iraqchi[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77462291/%D8%B9%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%82%DA%86%DB%8C-%D9%85%D8%A7-%D8%AA%D8%A7%D8%B2%D9%87-%D8%B4%D8%B1%D9%88%D8%B9-%DA%A9%D8%B1%D8%AF%D9%87-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D9%85 ]
*Our enemy is the stupidest idiot. Our defense system is an ideology not just a defense system, while when we hit Haifa their people were begging for car gas
**FARAJA Cmdr Gen Achmed Radan [https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77460868/%D8%A8%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%B3%D8%B1%D8%AF%D8%A7%D8%B1-%D8%B1%D8%A7%D8%AF%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%AF%D8%B4%D9%85%D9%86%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%85%D8%A7-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%A7%D8%AD%D9%85%D9%82-%D8%AA%D8%B1%DB%8C%D9%86-%D9%87%D8%A7-%D9%87%D8%B3%D8%AA%D9%86%D8%AF ]
*Your children shall read Quran while sitting by the missile launchers tonight.
**Gen Mousavi [https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77461610/%D8%B3%D8%B1%D8%AF%D8%A7%D8%B1-%D9%85%D9%88%D8%B3%D9%88%DB%8C-%D9%81%D8%B1%D8%B2%D9%86%D8%AF%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%B4%D9%85%D8%A7-%D8%A7%D9%85%D8%B4%D8%A8-%D9%BE%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D9%84%D8%A7%D9%86%DA%86%D8%B1%D9%87%D8%A7-%D9%82%D8%B1%D8%A2%D9%86-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%B3%D8%B1-%D9%85%DB%8C-%DA%AF%DB%8C%D8%B1%D9%86%D8%AF ]

[[File:HIMARS Support Operation Epic Fury (9564974).jpg|thumb|Operation Epic Fury]]
===Mar 2026===
*All vessels shall not pass Hormuz Strait
**IRGCN Gen Ali Tangsiri[https://www.mehrnews.com/news/6771339/%D8%B3%D8%B1%D8%AF%D8%A7%D8%B1-%D8%AA%D9%86%DA%AF%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%B1%DB%8C-%D9%87%DB%8C%DA%86-%D8%B4%D9%86%D8%A7%D9%88%D8%B1-%D9%85%D8%B1%D8%AA%D8%A8%D8%B7-%D8%A8%D8%A7-%D9%85%D8%AA%D8%AC%D8%A7%D9%88%D8%B2%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%AD%D9%82-%D8%B9%D8%A8%D9%88%D8%B1-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%AA%D9%86%DA%AF%D9%87-%D9%87%D8%B1%D9%85%D8%B2 ]
*How much of a cuckold is American president, Australian police has taken our girls out of the hotel and forced and made them to apply for asylum
**Mehdi Taj Chairman National Football Federation[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77458637/%D9%85%D9%87%D8%AF%DB%8C-%D8%AA%D8%A7%D8%AC-%D8%AF%D8%B1%DB%8C%D9%88%D8%B2%DA%AF%DB%8C-%D8%B1%D8%A6%DB%8C%D8%B3-%D8%AC%D9%85%D9%87%D9%88%D8%B1-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7-%D8%AA%D8%A7-%DA%86%D9%87-%D8%AD%D8%AF-%D8%AF%D9%85-%DA%AF%DB%8C%D8%AA-%D8%AC%D9%84%D9%88%DB%8C-%D8%AE%D8%B1%D9%88%D8%AC ]
*We are prepared to wage war against America for next at least another 10 year
**IRGC Gen Jabari[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77449662/%D8%A8%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D9%85%D8%B4%D8%A7%D9%88%D8%B1-%D9%81%D8%B1%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%AF%D9%87-%DA%A9%D9%84-%D8%B3%D9%BE%D8%A7%D9%87-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%B9%D9%86%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A2%D8%AF%D9%85-%D9%85%D8%B7%D9%84%D8%B9-%D9%85%DB%8C-%DA%AF%D9%88%DB%8C%D9%85-%DA%A9%D9%87 ]
*Iran is the conscious of the humanity, its real dignity and glory. It is chosen people fighting for the Victory of the Light. It it Ormuzd, Ishraq. Mahdi people.
**Dugin Alexander[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77392273/%D8%AA%D9%88%DB%8C%DB%8C%D8%AA-%D8%A7%D9%84%DA%A9%D8%B3%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%AF%D8%B1-%D8%AF%D9%88%DA%AF%DB%8C%D9%86-%D9%BE%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%85%D9%88%D9%86-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B3%D8%AA%D8%A7%D8%AF%DA%AF%DB%8C-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86 ]
*The recent war is between good and evil
**ICA[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77432191/%D8%AC%D9%86%DA%AF-%D8%A7%D8%AE%DB%8C%D8%B1-%D8%AC%D9%86%DA%AF-%D8%AD%D9%82-%D9%88-%D8%A8%D8%A7%D8%B7%D9%84-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA ]
*Like thunder we will strike Haifa
**IRGC Gen Seid mousavi[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77449498/%D8%B3%D8%B1%D9%84%D8%B4%DA%A9%D8%B1-%D8%B9%D8%A8%D8%AF%D8%A7%D9%84%D9%84%D9%87%DB%8C-%D9%87%D9%85%DA%86%D9%88%D9%86-%D8%B5%D8%A7%D8%B9%D9%82%D9%87-%D8%A8%D8%B1-%D8%AD%DB%8C%D9%81%D8%A7-%D9%88-%D9%BE%D8%A7%DB%8C%DA%AF%D8%A7%D9%87-%D9%87%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7-%D8%AF%D8%B1-%D9%85%D9%86%D8%B7%D9%82%D9%87 ]
* Iran’s leaders before the attack had been clear that they were willing to negotiate on the nuclear question. Talks were ongoing... There had appeared to be a good basis for agreement, given... an Iranian government that... was not in a position to enrich uranium... for the foreseeable future. ...Americans ...were deeply unhappy with the results of America’s last big wars of {{w|regime change}} ...[[War in Afghanistan (2001–2021)|in Afghanistan]] [[Iraq War|and Iraq]]. At the beginning of this joint [[w:2026 Iran war|US–Israel campaign against Iran]], only about a third of Americans supported the adventure...
** Dana Allin, &quot;US politics and the war against Iran&quot; (Mar 2, 2026) [https://www.iiss.org/online-analysis/online-analysis/2026/02/the-us-israel-campaign-in-iran/ &quot;The US-Israel campaign in Iran&quot;] @[[w:International Institute for Strategic Studies|IISS]].org

*This is a war that should end it once and for all.
::[https://www.mehrnews.com/news/6764020/%D9%86%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%B2%D8%A7%D8%AF-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AF%D9%86%D8%A8%D8%A7%D9%84-%D8%AC%D9%86%DA%AF-%D9%85%D9%86%D8%B7%D9%82%D9%87-%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%B3%D8%AA%DB%8C%D9%85-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D9%86-%D8%AC%D9%86%DA%AF-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%87%DB%8C%D9%85-%D8%A8%D8%B1%D8%AF ICA] (Mar 2 2026)

*Our Brave and Powerful Armed Forces will avenge each and every Iranian mother, , father, and child who has been targeted by hostile forces.
**foreign minister Abbas Iraqchi[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77405403/%D8%B9%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%82%DA%86%DB%8C-%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%B1%D9%88%D9%87%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D9%85%D8%B3%D9%84%D8%AD-%D9%85%D8%A7-%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%AA%D9%82%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%AA%DA%A9-%D8%AA%DA%A9-%D8%B4%D9%87%D8%AF%D8%A7-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%87%D9%86%D8%AF-%DA%AF%D8%B1%D9%81%D8%AA ]

*There is no shelter you can be safe 
**[https://www.shahrekhabar.com/news/177298212045678 IRGC text]

*We will fill Americans' coffins there is no end to war unless they fully surrender.
**IRGC operations mission statement[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77389339 ]

*Trump is more than 500 Americans killed dead America first or israel first. Inshallah Khamenei killing has heavy price
**Larijani[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77384703/%D8%AA%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%85%D9%BE-%D8%AD%D8%B3%D8%A7%D8%A8-%DA%A9%D9%86%D8%AF-%D8%A8%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D9%87%D9%85-%D8%A7%D9%88%D9%84-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA-%DB%8C%D8%A7-%D8%A7%D9%88%D9%84-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%B1%D8%A7%D8%A6%DB%8C%D9%84 ]

* Irregardless of cost. Not unlike United States of America. Same as Iran has not in past 300 years started wars, Iran is ready for long war.
** [[w:Ali Larijani|Ali Larijani]], Secretary of the Supreme National Security Council of Iran. [https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77359057 Source (in Persian)]

*Now that we have baited America do not make ceasefire and/or peace we must destroy them
::Ayatallah Panahian[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77388174/%D8%A8%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%AD%D8%AC%D8%AA-%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%A7%D8%B3%D9%84%D8%A7%D9%85-%D9%BE%D9%86%D8%A7%D9%87%DB%8C%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A7%DA%AF%D8%B1-%D8%AA%D9%82%D8%A7%D8%B6%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D8%A2%D8%AA%D8%B4-%D8%A8%D8%B3-%DA%A9%D8%B1%D8%AF%D9%86%D8%AF-%D9%86%D9%BE%D8%B0%DB%8C%D8%B1%DB%8C%D8%AF ]

*From us Iranian people only President son Aga Yusuf Pezeshkian and his buddies have internet connection.
::[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77388864/%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D9%85%D8%A7-%D9%85%D8%B1%D8%AF%D9%85-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%81%D9%82%D8%B7-%D8%A2%D9%82%D8%A7-%DB%8C%D9%88%D8%B3%D9%81-%D9%88-%D8%B1%D9%81%DB%8C%D9%82%D8%A7%D8%B4-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D9%86%D8%AA%D8%B1%D9%86%D8%AA-%D8%AF%D8%A7%D8%B1%D9%86%D8%AF Payamemam]

* These attacks from Israel and the United States... were unprovoked. There was no immanent threat. Many would interpret this war to be an illegal war.
** Evaleila Pesaran, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5nJnVYpbKuM&amp;t=600s &quot;The war with Iran: An expert analysis&quot;] (Mar 2, 2026) Youtube video from [[University of Cambridge|Cambridge University]] channel.

* I see no indication that ...those institutions are weak or fraying or that you can destroy ...[them] from the air. ...[T]his administration is trying to justify the war the same way [[Jackson Pollock]] used to paint. You just throw a bucket of reasons up against the canvas and hope the result looks good. ...Iranian missiles ... [as] a threat to the United States... falls short of the truth by about 4,000 miles ...[I]f we're doing preventative wars now to prevent countries that might one day be a threat, is [[North Korea]]... [[China]]... [[Russia]] in line? I don't think so. ...I can't make head or tails out of the reason this administration has put forward for this war.
** [[w:Alan Eyre (diplomat)|Alan Eyre]], &quot;Expert panel breaks down U.S. objectives in Iran war&quot; (Mar 2, 2026) @''{{w|PBS News Hour}}''.

* Once again, America is going to war for Israel. Once again, many will die for the Zionist state, including American service members. Once again, we will stumble blindly into a military fiasco. Once again, we will do the bidding of a foreign power whose interests are not our interests, but whose lobbyists have bought up our political class, including Donald Trump. Once again, we will violate the U.N. charter by attacking a country that does not pose an imminent threat.
** [[Chris Hedges]], [https://scheerpost.com/2026/03/01/going-to-war-again-for-israel/ Going to War, Again, for Israel]. ScheerPost. (March 1, 2026)

* If the [[Precedents|precedent]] that is being set is, &quot;Any country with super
* [I]t is in many ways a final battle to decide what [[World War II]] was all about. Will [[international law]] crumble as a result of the unwillingness of enough countries to protect the rules of civilized [[law]] supporting the principles of [[Westphalian sovereignty|national sovereignty]], free from foreign interference and [[coercion]] from the 1648 {{w|Peace of Westphalia}} to the [[Charter of the United Nations|UN Charter]]?  And with regard to wars that inevitably are to be waged, will they spare {{w|civilian}}s and non-belligerents...
** [[Michael Hudson (economist)|Michael Hudson]], [https://www.counterpunch.org/2026/03/02/the-us-israeli-attack-was-to-prevent-peace-not-advance-it/ &quot;The US/Israeli Attack Was to Prevent Peace Not Advance It&quot;] (Mar 2, 2026) @''{{w|Counterpunch}}''

* Iran negotiators had agreed... not to have an [[Nuclear weapons|atom bomb]]... to reduce their refined uranium, to shift the refined uranium outside of the country, and to submit to an unprecedented degree of oversight... But none of this was about an atom bomb... The... reason that America has attacked Iran... was to control Near Eastern oil... and [[David Petraeus|General Petraeus]], years ago, had outlined this whole plan... &quot;...all of your profits and rents from the oil will be lent back to the United States, ...priced in dollars and invested in U.S. Treasury securities, U.S. bonds and U.S. stocks, so that the money, the vast dollar inflows from your oil exports, will all be part of the U.S. economy.&quot;&lt;br /&gt;I sat in on meetings in the {{w|White House}} in 1974 when this was discussed...
** [[Michael Hudson (economist)|Michael Hudson]], [https://www.democracynow.org/2026/3/3/michael_hudson_economist_trump_iran_attack A War for Oil:] Economist Michael Hudson on U.S. Quest to Control the World’s Oil Trade (Mar 3, 2026) @{{w|Democracy Now!}}

* [I]t is in many ways a final battle to decide what [[World War II]] was all about. Will [[international law]] crumble as a result of the unwillingness of enough countries to protect the rules of civilized [[law]] supporting the principles of [[Westphalian sovereignty|national sovereignty]], free from foreign interference and [[coercion]] from the 1648 {{w|Peace of Westphalia}} to the [[Charter of the United Nations|UN Charter]]?  And with regard to wars that inevitably are to be waged, will they spare {{w|civilian}}s and non-belligerents...
** [[Michael Hudson (economist)|Michael Hudson]], [https://www.counterpunch.org/2026/03/02/the-us-israeli-attack-was-to-prevent-peace-not-advance-it/ &quot;The US/Israeli Attack Was to Prevent Peace Not Advance It&quot;] (Mar 2, 2026) @''{{w|Counterpunch}}''

*The American philosophy is, number one, you bomb civilians, you break all the rules of international law which are against that. You bomb civilians to demoralize them. And if you concentrate, as Trump did, along with Israel, a few weeks ago, you {{w|2026 Minab school attack|bomb the schools}}, you bomb the hospitals. That’s American policy in foreign countries. It’s most visible in the case of Israeli policy, in Gaza, and now the West Bank as well. And it is the same policy that the United States has followed in Iran.
** [[Michael Hudson (economist)|Michael Hudson]], [https://geopoliticaleconomy.com/2026/03/29/war-iran-change-economy-michael-hudson/ &quot;The war on Iran is transforming the global economy: Economist Michael Hudson explains how&quot;] (Mar 29, 2026) @Geopolitical Economy Report

* Whenever a state chooses to go to [[war]]... you have to ask—where is the [[w:Intelligence assessment|intelligence]] on the threat? ...[T]he Trump administration ...in hurry mode ...chose to set [[diplomacy]] aside, despite the fact that the [mediating] [[w:Badr bin Hamad Al Busaidi#Diplomatic career|Omani foreign minister]] ...was convinced that remarkable progress had been made on the issue of [[Nuclear program of Iran|Iranian nuclear weapons]] ...[T]wo other arguments for the war: that the US faced an imminent threat from [[Iran]], and that Iran’s {{w|ballistic missile}} capability threatened the United States. Scratch this last claim—it’s simply not [[Truth|true]] ...Why would a much-weakened [[Islamic Republic of Iran|Islamic Republic]] pose an &quot;imminent threat&quot; ..? [[Marco Rubio]] has come forward with an absurd argument ...Does anyone truly believe that Israel would go it alone ...without US backing, that the operation was not jointly planned?  ...This is all desperate [[storytelling]], not intelligence.
** {{w|Wesley Wark}}, &quot;[https://thewalrus.ca/iran-foreign-policy-experts/ Eight Experts on What You’re Not Being Told about the War in Iran:] The questions that aren’t making it into the battlefield dispatches&quot; (Mar 3, 2026) @''{{w|The Walrus}}''

*  Ironically, the greatest beneficiaries of the United States’ grave [[wikt:violation#Noun|violation]]s of [[international law]] are the very actors whom, under normal circumstances, Washington would be seeking to restrain: [[Moscow]] will be emboldened to continue its barbaric [[w:Russo-Ukrainian war|assault on Ukraine]], while [[China]] will feel empowered to move on [[Taiwan]].
** [[w:Stephanie Turco Williams|Stephanie T. Williams]],  &quot;Flying blind&quot; (March 2, 2026) [https://www.brookings.edu/articles/after-the-strike-the-danger-of-war-in-iran/ &quot;After the strike: The danger of war in Iran&quot;] [[w:Brookings Institution|Brookings]].

* Iran negotiators had agreed... not to have an [[Nuclear weapons|atom bomb]]... to reduce their refined uranium, to shift the refined uranium outside of the country, and to submit to an unprecedented degree of oversight... But none of this was about an atom bomb... The... reason that America has attacked Iran... was to control Near Eastern oil... and [[David Petraeus|General Petraeus]], years ago, had outlined this whole plan... &quot;...all of your profits and rents from the oil will be lent back to the United States, ...priced in dollars and invested in U.S. Treasury securities, U.S. bonds and U.S. stocks, so that the money, the vast dollar inflows from your oil exports, will all be part of the U.S. economy.&quot;&lt;br /&gt;I sat in on meetings in the {{w|White House}} in 1974 when this was discussed...
** [[Michael Hudson (economist)|Michael Hudson]], [https://www.democracynow.org/2026/3/3/michael_hudson_economist_trump_iran_attack A War for Oil:] Economist Michael Hudson on U.S. Quest to Control the World’s Oil Trade (Mar 3, 2026) @{{w|Democracy Now!}}

*It's going to be... tempting for countries to think that in a world where there are no rules.., no [[w:Law of war|rules of war]], where that [[w:Liberal international order|post-war liberal order]], imperfect as it was, is now completely being disregarded.., that makes the world more dangerous for all of us. ...[T]here was an [[order]] of some kind ...a view that a degree of [[w:Consensus decision-making|international consensus]] was necessary ...before ...[[w:Interventionism (politics)|intervening in foreign countries]]. There were rules of war... [A]ll of us need to be... very thoughtful about supporting the creation of a world where anything goes, and [[might makes right]]. ...[[United States|America]] is still the preeminent [[power]], the {{w|superpower}}, the global [[Hegemony|hegemon]]. ...I hope this is a moment for Americans to reflect on the facts that the rules-based international order, which did act as a constraint on American power, also provided America with some meaningful [[protection]].
** [[Chrystia Freeland]], Chrystia Freeland on Iran, Ukraine, and Global Power Shifts | ''{{w|Amanpour and Company}}'' (Mar 3, 2026) [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vlj_beVDuxg&amp;t=196s 3:16.]

* [I]f it's... possible that there are about to be acts of [[terrorism]] by [[Iran]] inside the United States, how can [[United States Congress|Congress]] continue to blockade funds for the [[w:United States Department of Homeland Security|Department of Homeland Security]] until it gets [[reform]]s... including an end to the [[lying]]..? You're going to see a real press by the [[Second presidency of Donald Trump|Trump administration]] to say, &quot;Release the funds and let the Department... resume... operations.., including falsely calling people terrorists if they operate a camera near an immigration agent.&quot; You're going to see attacks on the [[freedom of the press]]. This administration... regards it as illegal, criminal, for reporters simply to ask questions of [[The Pentagon|Pentagon employees]]... Only the designated leaders... get to speak... and if they're... saying things that look like they might not be [[Truth|true]], you can't second guess or question them. We have had many instances... of false indications of [[w:Powers of the president of the United States#Emergency powers|emergency powers]]. The whole [[w:Tariffs in the second Trump administration|tariff nonsense]]... rested on [[Falsehood|false claims]] of the president... about economic emergency. ...[N]ow there's a real [[war]].., a real risk of terrorist activity... That's a much more plausible emergency.., and... what [[Courts|court]] will say, &quot;We don't think you're telling the truth about this either&quot;? ...So there will be new assertions of emergency power... [P]eople who have the president's ear have been urging him to use emergency powers against the [[w:2026 United States elections|elections of 2026]]. The possibility of that... are much higher today... than... a week ago. ...We're moving into extraordinary danger to democratic institutions. The [[w:2026 Iran war|war in Iran]]... is an urgent [[w:Domestic policy of the second Trump administration|domestic policy]] question... a massive grant of power to a president and administration that have proven... that they will [[Abuse of power|abuse any powers]] that they are en[[trust]]ed with.
** [[David Frum]], &quot;[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8w7KOoD8sCs&amp;t=190s No Exit from Trump's War:] with Tom Nichols&quot; The David Frum Show. A Youtube video from ''{{w|The Atlantic}}'' channel. (Mar 4 2026)

*&quot;Senate votes down resolution to stop Trump from continuing war with Iran&quot; (Mar 4, 2026)
**&lt;small&gt;''{{w|The Independent}}''. [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/senate-iran-war-vote-trump-powers-resolution-b2932221.html Source.]&lt;/small&gt;
*Nobody gets to hide and give the president an easy pass or an end-run around the Constitution. Everybody's got to declare whether they're for this war or against it.
** Sen. [[Tim Kaine]]
*War is ugly, it always has been ugly, but we're taking out a regime that has been trying to attack us for quite some time.
** Sen. [[Markwayne Mullin]]
*I learned when I was fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan, that when elites in Washington bang the war drums, pound their chest, talk about the costs of war and act tough, they're not talking about them doing it, they're not talking about their kids. They're talking about working class kids like us.
** Rep. [[Jason Crow]]

* Why are we going into Iran? ...[I]t is the president's [[wikt:vainglory#Noun|vainglory]]. He thinks he's on a roll, that... this is easy to do; that you can [[w:2026 United States intervention in Venezuela|knock off dictatorships like Venezuela]], and then have a parade; that this solves a lot of his problems. It gets people not talking about the [[Epstein files]]. ...[A] huge chunk of [[Donald Trump]]'s [[Foreign policy of the United States|foreign policy]] is rooted in trying to get people to stop talking about the Epstein files. ...[H]e is that [[wikt:narrow-minded#Adjective|narrow]] and [[wikt:crass#Adjective|crass]]. ...Now he's going to say he's a [[w:Powers of the president of the United States#Emergency powers|war president]]. That means you can't criticize me... I can stomp on the press... I can declare a [[w:Powers of the president of the United States#Emergency powers|national emergency]]. ...As the [[Parliament of the United Kingdom|British Parliament]] said... in [~]1944... &quot;This is not a propitious time for an [[Elections|election]].&quot; ...[[wikt:mischief#Noun|[M]ischief]] comes with a war because... presidential war powers... become almost unchallengeable.
** [[w:Tom Nichols (academic)|Tom Nichols]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8w7KOoD8sCs&amp;t=797s Trump’s War With Iran and a New Danger at Home] | The [[David Frum]] Show (Mar 4, 2026) A Youtube video from ''{{w|The Atlantic}}'' channel.

*[[Donald Trump|The president]] was not going to be just another president on a very long list who sat back and stood by and passed the buck of this direct threat to the next administration. The president had a feeling, again, based on fact, that Iran was going to strike the United States, was going to strike our assets in the region, and he made a determination to launch Operation Epic Fury based on all of those reasons.
**[[Karoline Leavitt]] quoted in [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-iran-war-white-house-briefing-b2931933.html &quot;Karoline Leavitt insists Trump had a ‘feeling based on fact’ before Iran strikes but still won’t detail imminent threat to US&quot;]], ''The Independent'' (05 March 2026)

*[T]o take on the extraordinary risks... without having made the case with the American people.., citing immanent threats that aparently don't exist... that's problematic, and the chances of unintended consequences... are... very serious...  [W]e're... using.., in many cases very expensive weapons to take down $20,000 drones. That's not a good equation... over time. ...I'm worried about ...second and third order consequences ...we so deplete our arsenal, and it takes a long time to rebuild ...puts us in a disadvantageous position when it comes to ...a [[China]] or ...[[Russia]]. ...[M]uch as ...everyone should want to see a change... it may simply ...reinforce the [[Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps|IRGC]] ...[I]t's very hard to produce regime change from outside. You can't bomb your way to it. ...The [[wikt:red flag#Noun|red flag]] ...is that this could be [[Syrian civil war|Syria]] [[wikt:redux#Noun|redux]] or  ...[[Libyan Crisis (2011–present)|Libya]] redux ...the country fracturing, imploding or even exploding with [[refugee]]s and [[w:International migration|migration]].., [[Extremism|extremist]] groups taking hold... It's incredibly ...[[dangerous]]. ...[I]t's never too late for [[diplomacy]]. ...&lt;br /&gt;[W]hen [[Russia]] is ...reaching a weak point because of its dependence on oil to fuel its war economy ...they get a lifeline, ...the price of oil is going up. The [[Europe|Europeans]], in having moved away from Russian gas, are now more dependent on the [[Middle East]]. ...If the {{w|Strait of Hormuz}} gets tied up ...that's ...a lot of pressure ...So mapping out, gaming out, planning out and ...making sure you have something in place to deal with ...second and third order effects is ...important, and it's not ...clear ...that was done ...There's been a shifting rationale ...[or] explanation for why this, why now? ...That's why it's so important to have ...laid this out before the American people, and our partners and allies. We might have had less friction with them if there was a compelling case ...and had them on the take-off, not mid-flight or on the landing.
** [[Antony Blinken]], [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aHgG-lkOi6w&amp;t=74s &quot;Former Secretary of State on the Two Keys to Ending Iran War&quot;] (Mar 4, 2026) A Youtube video from the [[w:Bloomberg News|Bloomberg]] Podcasts channel.

*Majority of Experts Assembly has come to pick next leader who is Seid.
**Dirbaz[https://www.etemadonline.com/%D8%A8%D8%AE%D8%B4-%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%A7%D8%B3%DB%8C-9/764537-%D9%85%D8%AC%D9%84%D8%B3-%D8%AE%D8%A8%D8%B1%DA%AF%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%B1%D9%87%D8%A8%D8%B1%DB%8C ] (Mar 8 2026)

* Unprovoked attacks by the [[United States|US]] and [[Israel]]... violate the fundamental prohibition on the use of [[force]], [[Sovereignty|sovereign]] [[equality]], {{w|territorial integrity}}, and the [[duty]] to [[Peace|peacefully]] settle disputes... They also violate the {{w|right to life}}... We cannot pick and choose when [[international law]] applies. Unlawful [[military]] [[w:Interventionism (politics)|intervention]] is not a solution... These attacks do not strike military abstractions – they strike people... {{w|Civilian}}s are bearing the brunt of this war... In a country that has already lost thousands to [[Violence|violent]] [[Political repression|repression]]... these attacks deepen... profound human [[tragedy]]... The targeting of civilians, educational facilities, and medical institutions constitutes a grave violation of [[international humanitarian law]] and [[w:International human rights law|human rights law]]... Any path forward must be grounded in the [[rule of law]], the will of the [[Iranians|Iranian people]], and full accountability for the [[wikt:violation#Noun|violation]] of international law, by all parties... 
** {{w|Mai Sato}}, [[w:Cecilia Bailliet|Cecilia M. Bailliet]], {{w|Astrid Puentes Riaño}}, {{w|Alexandra Xanthaki}}, {{w|Farida Shaheed}}, Surya Deva, {{w|Margaret Satterthwaite}}, {{w|Gina Romero}}, Nicolas Levrat, [[w:Richard Bennett (UN)|Richard Bennett]], Tomoya Obokata, [[w:Mary Lawlor (human rights advocate)|Mary Lawlor]], {{w|Ben Saul}}, {{w|Alice Jill Edwards}}, [[Francesca Albanese]], Morris Tidball-Binz, {{w|Siobhán Mullally}}, Gabriella Citroni, Grażyna Baranowska, Aua Baldé, Ana Lorena Delgadillo Pérez, {{w|Bina D'Costa}}, {{w|Claudia Flores}}, Ivana Krstić, {{w|Dorothy Estrada-Tanck}}, Haina Lu, [[Reem Alsalem]], {{w|Paula Gaviria Betancur}}, Elizabeth Salmón, Mariana Katzarova (Special Procedures of the Human Rights Council, volunteer Special Rapporteurs/Independent Experts/Working Groups) [https://www.ohchr.org/en/press-releases/2026/03/iran-un-experts-call-de-escalation-and-accountability &quot;Iran: UN experts call for de-escalation and accountability&quot;] (Mar 4, 2026) [[w:Office of the United Nations High Commissioner for Human Rights|OHCHR]].

* [[Mohammed bin Salman|The Crown Prince]] and other [[w:Arab states of the Persian Gulf|Gulf]] leaders have been urging America not to undertake military action against Iran, because all of us believe... action will not remain confined to Iran; that Iran will retaliate against American in the area, which is present in all of the Gulf states, and as far away as [[Turkey]]... They've been warning the Americans not to undertake military action and suffer the consequences. ...I don't think the system in Iran will collapse any time soon. ...Iranian leadership has been preparing for an eventuality like this, because of what they have continued to hear from [[Benjamin Netanyahu|Mr. Netanyahu]] in the past 40 years. He has been calling for the destruction of Iran, and so the Iranians... have been preparing themselves for such an eventuality. ...The only way the system will go... is through the Iranian people.
** {{w|Turki bin Faisal Al Saud}}, &quot;Fmr. Saudi Intelligence Chief Discusses Gulf States' Reaction to Iran Attacks | ''{{w|Amanpour and Company}}''&quot; [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LfGcX4XuZ5A&amp;t=62s 1:02,] 5:08.

* Iran just stated that they are going to hit very hard today, harder than they have ever been hit before.., THEY BETTER NOT DO THAT, HOWEVER, BECAUSE IF THEY DO, WE WILL HIT THEM WITH A FORCE THAT HAS NEVER BEEN SEEN BEFORE! 
** [[Donald J. Trump]], post on Truth Social, &quot;Trump warns Iran of unprecedented force if it retaliates&quot; (Feb 28, 2026) {{w|Reuters}}.

*I think the war is very complete, pretty much. [Iran has] no navy, no communications, they've got no air force. Their missiles are down to a scatter. Their drones are being blown up all over the place, including their manufacturing of drones.
**[[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/trump-iran-cbs-news-the-war-is-very-complete-strait-hormuz/ &quot;Trump says 'the war is very complete,' and he's considering taking over Strait of Hormuz&quot;], ''CBS News'' (Mar 9 2026)

*US officials are posting fake news to manipulate narkets. It won't protect them from inflationary tsunami they've imposed on Americans Markets are facing biggest shortfall in HISTORY bigger than Arab Oil Embargo, Kuwait 
**[https://www.etemadonline.com/%D8%A8%D8%AE%D8%B4-%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86-%D8%A7%D9%84%D9%85%D9%84%D9%84-17/764878-%D8%B9%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%82%DA%86%DB%8C-%D9%88%D8%B2%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%AE%D8%A7%D8%B1%D8%AC%D9%87-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7 Mr Iraqchi] (Mar 10 2026)

*If Iran does anything that stops the flow of Oil within the Strait of Hormuz, they will be hit by the United States of America TWENTY TIMES HARDER than they have been hit thus far. Additionally, we will take out easily destroyable targets that will make it virtually impossible for Iran to ever be built back, as a Nation, again - Death, Fire, and Fury will reign upon them - But I hope, and pray, that it does not happen! This is a gift from the United States of America to China, and all of those Nations that heavily use the Hormuz Strait. Hopefully, it is a gesture that will be greatly appreciated. Thank you for your attention to this matter! President DONALD J. TRUMP
**[https://x.com/WhiteHouse/status/2031167037620236703 Trump on TruthSocial] (10 March 2026)

*Most definitely we are not seeking ceasefire we will break zionist life cycle of war-negotiations-ceasefire and then war again forever
**Moahamedbagher Ghabilaf[https://www.etemadonline.com/%D8%A8%D8%AE%D8%B4-%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%A7%D8%B3%DB%8C-9/764797-%D8%A2%D8%AA%D8%B4-%D8%A8%D8%B3-%D8%AC%D9%86%DA%AF-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86- %D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%B1%D8%A7%D8%A6%DB%8C%D9%84 ] (Mar 10 2026)

*Take Bahrain back! Annex it
**MP Aytallah Resaei Hamid[https://www.khabarfoori.com/%D8%A8%D8%AE%D8%B4-%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%A7%D8%B3%DB%8C-59/3200147-%DB%8C%DA%A9-%D9%86%D9%85%D8%A7%DB%8C%D9%86%D8%AF%D9%87-%D9%85%D8%AC%D9%84%D8%B3-%D8%A8%D8%AD%D8%B1%DB%8C%D9%86-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D9%BE%D8%B3-%D8%A8%DA%AF%DB%8C%D8%B1%DB%8C%D9%85 ], 12 March 2026

*I have seen his body after martyred, I heard he clenched his fist.You people have led the country. The will of the masses is to continue the effective and regrettable defense. Certainly, the leverage of blocking the Strait of Hormuz should still be used. Neighboring countries must make their position clear to the aggressors against our country... In any case, we will demand compensation from the enemy; if they refuse, we will seize as much of their property as we determine; if that is not possible, we will destroy as much of their property as we can.
**Mojtaba Khamenei (12 March 2026)[https://www.irna.ir/news/86100475/%D8%B1%D9%87%D8%A8%D8%B1-%D9%85%D8%B9%D8%B8%D9%85-%D8%A7%D9%86%D9%82%D9%84%D8%A7%D8%A8-%D8%AA%D8%A7%DA%A9%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%A8%D8%B1-%D9%86%D9%82%D8%B4-%D9%88-%D8%AD%D8%B6%D9%88%D8%B1-%D9%85%D8%B1%D8%AF%D9%85-%D8%AD%D8%B6%D9%88%D8%B1-%D8%AF%D8%B1-%D8%B5%D8%AD%D9%86%D9%87-%D8%A8%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%AF ][https://www.khabarfoori.com/%D8%A8%D8%AE%D8%B4-%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%A7%D8%B3%DB%8C-59/3200277-%D8%B4%D9%85%D8%A7-%D9%85%D8%B1%D8%AF%D9%85-%DA%A9%D8%B4%D9%88%D8%B1-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D8%B1%D9%87%D8%A8%D8%B1%DB%8C-%DA%A9%D8%B1%D8%AF%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%AA%D9%82%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%AE%D9%88%D9%86-%D8%B4%D9%87%DB%8C%D8%AF%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%B4%D9%85%D8%A7-%D8%B5%D8%B1%D9%81-%D9%86%D8%B8%D8%B1-%D9%86%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%87%DB%8C%D9%85-%DA%A9%D8%B1%D8%AF-%D9%87%D9%85%DA%86%D9%86%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%AA%D9%86%DA%AF%D9%87-%D9%87%D8%B1%D9%85%D8%B2-%D8%A8%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%A8%D8%B3%D8%AA%D9%87-%D8%A8%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%AF-%D9%85%D8%B9%D8%AA%D9%82%D8%AF-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AF%D9%88%D8%B3%D8%AA%DB%8C-%D8%A8%D8%A7-%D9%87%D9%85%D8%B3%D8%A7%DB%8C%DA%AF%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%87%D8%B3%D8%AA%DB%8C%D9%85 ]

*Aggression against soil of Iranian islands will shatter all restraint. We will abandon all restraint and make the Persian Gulf run with the blood of invaders.
**[https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77477478/%D9%82%D8%A7%D9%84%DB%8C%D8%A8%D8%A7%D9%81-%D9%87%D8%B1%DA%AF%D9%88%D9%86%D9%87-%D8%AA%D8%B9%D8%AF%DB%8C-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AE%D8%A7%DA%A9-%D8%AC%D8%B2%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C-%D8%AE%D9%88%DB%8C%D8%B4%D9%86%D8%AF%D8%A7%D8%B1%DB%8C-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D8%AA%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%85-%D9%85%DB%8C], ''Qalibaf'' (12 March 2026)

*The [[United States]] is the largest Oil Producer in the World, by far, so when oil prices go up, we make a lot of money. BUT, of far greater interest and importance to me, as President, is stoping an evil Empire, Iran, from having Nuclear Weapons, and destroying the [[Middle East]] and, indeed, the World. I won’t ever let that happen!
**[[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/middle-east/iran-us-war-live-updates-supreme-leader-trump-oil-b2937272.html &quot;Iran-US war latest: Supreme leader statement threatens fresh attacks after UK base in Iraq hit by drone swarm&quot;], ''The Independent'' (12 March 2026)

*As long as America and Zionist exist humankind will not see quiet. To establish peace they must be destroyed
**Aytallah Khatami Imam Tehran [https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77485962/%D8%AE%D8%A7%D8%AA%D9%85%DB%8C-%D8%A8%D8%B1%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA%D9%82%D8%B1%D8%A7%D8%B1-%D8%B5%D9%84%D8%AD-%D8%A8%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%B1%DA%98%DB%8C%D9%85-%D8%B5%D9%87%DB%8C%D9%88%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%B3%D8%AA%DB%8C-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86-%D8%A8%D8%B1%D9%88%D8%AF ][https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77487036/%D8%AA%D8%A7-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7-%D9%88-%D8%B1%DA%98%DB%8C%D9%85-%D8%B5%D9%87%DB%8C%D9%88%D9%86%DB%8C-%D9%87%D8%B3%D8%AA%D9%86%D8%AF-%D8%A8%D8%B4%D8%B1%DB%8C%D8%AA-%D8%B1%D9%88%DB%8C-%D8%A2%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%85%D8%B4-%D9%86%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%87%D8%AF-%D8%AF%DB%8C%D8%AF] (13 March 2026)
*Just run!
**IRGC hebrew text [https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77499999/%D8%AE%D8%B7%D8%A7%D8%A8-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%B3%D8%A7%DA%A9%D9%86%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%B3%D8%B1%D8%B2%D9%85%DB%8C%D9%86-%D9%87%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D8%A7%D8%B4%D8%BA%D8%A7%D9%84%DB%8C-%DA%A9%D9%84%D8%A7-%D9%81%D8%B1%D8%A7%D8%B1-%DA%A9%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AF ] (14 March 2026)
*If Americans do heliborne operation on taking over Khark Island we will attack their bases and take prisoners
**FM Manouchehr Motaki Iran negotiators [https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77500152/%D8%A8%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D9%85%D8%AA%DA%A9%DB%8C-%D8%A7%DA%AF%D8%B1-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7%DB%8C%DB%8C-%D9%87%D8%A7-%D8%A8%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%87%D9%86%D8%AF-%D8%AC%D8%B2%DB%8C%D8%B1%D9%87-%D8%AE%D8%A7%D8%B1%DA%A9-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D8%A7%D8%B4%D8%BA%D8%A7%D9%84-%DA%A9%D9%86%D9%86%D8%AF ] (14 March 2026)
*If the [[2026 FIFA World Cup|World Cup]] games are in [[Mexico]] maybe we will go
**Minister of youth &amp; sport [https://sahebkhabar.ir/news/77499588/%D8%A8%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D9%88%D8%B2%DB%8C%D8%B1-%D9%88%D8%B1%D8%B2%D8%B4-%D9%81%DB%8C%D9%81%D8%A7-%D8%A8%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D9%85%DB%8C%D8%B2%D8%A8%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C-%D8%AC%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%AC%D9%87%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%A2%D9%85%D8%B1%DB%8C%DA%A9%D8%A7], (14 March 2026)
*Countries in region are supposed to pay reparations for killing Khamenei. 
**VP Mohammed Mokhber [https://www.mehrnews.com/news/6774791/%D9%85%D8%AE%D8%A8%D8%B1-%DA%A9%D8%B4%D9%88%D8%B1%D9%87%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D9%85%D9%86%D8%B7%D9%82%D9%87-%D9%85%DA%A9%D9%84%D9%81-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AC%D8%A8%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%AE%D8%B3%D8%A7%D8%B1%D8%AA-%D9%87%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D9%88%D8%A7%D8%B1%D8%AF%D9%87-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%87%D8%B3%D8%AA%D9%86%D8%AF] (14 March 2026)
*When I feel it. When I feel it in my bones.
**[[President Trump]] quoted when asked when the war will end: [https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/trump-says-iran-war-will-end-when-i-feel-it-in-my-bones_uk_69b57775e4b09d87d0277fa2 &quot;Trump Says Iran War Will End 'When I Feel It In My Bones'&quot;], ''Huffington Post'' (14 March 2026)
*It's a little unfair. You win a war, but they have no right to be doing what they're doing.
**[[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c70k29914q4o &quot;Surge in US petrol prices deepens political peril for Trump over Iran&quot;], ''BBC News'' (17 March 2026)
*Because of the fact that we have had such Military Success, we no longer “need,” or desire, the NATO Countries’ assistance — WE NEVER DID! Likewise, Japan, Australia, or South Korea. In fact, speaking as President of the United States of America, by far the Most Powerful Country Anywhere in the World, WE DO NOT NEED THE HELP OF ANYONE! 
**[https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/116245182325726375 Donald Trump on Truth Social] (17 Mar 2026)

*[[Israel]], out of anger for what has taken place in the Middle East, has violently lashed out at a major facility known as South Pars Gas Field in Iran. A relatively small section of the whole has been hit. The United States knew nothing about this particular attack, and the country of [[Qatar]] was in no way, shape, or form, involved with it, nor did it have any idea that it was going to happen. Unfortunately, Iran did not know this, or any of the pertinent facts pertaining to the South Pars attack, and unjustifiably and unfairly attacked a portion of Qatar’s LNG Gas facility. NO MORE ATTACKS WILL BE MADE BY ISRAEL pertaining to this extremely important and valuable South Pars Field unless Iran unwisely decides to attack a very innocent, in this case, Qatar - In which instance the United States of America, with or without the help or consent of Israel, will massively blow up the entirety of the South Pars Gas Field at an amount of strength and power that Iran has never seen or witnessed before. I do not want to authorize this level of violence and destruction because of the long term implications that it will have on the future of Iran, but if Qatar’s LNG is again attacked, I will not hesitate to do so. 
**[[Donald Trump]] on [https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/116253388303392718 Truth Social] (Mar 19, 2026)

* Iranian missiles do not differentiate between Muslim and Christian and Jew and whichever religion, they're out there to kill anybody because they feel everybody who doesn't accept their belief is an infidel.
**Israeli President [[Isaac Herzog]] following the 2026 Beit Awwa salon strike in the West Bank. (Mar 19, 2026)[https://www.jpost.com/middle-east/iran-news/article-890479]

*We are getting very close to meeting our objectives as we consider winding down our great Military efforts in the Middle East with respect to the Terrorist Regime of [[Iran]]: (1) Completely degrading Iranian Missile Capability, Launchers, and everything else pertaining to them. (2) Destroying Iran’s Defense Industrial Base. (3) Eliminating their Navy and Air Force, including Anti Aircraft Weaponry. (4) Never allowing Iran to get even close to Nuclear Capability, and always being in a position where the U.S.A. can quickly and powerfully react to such a situation, should it take place. (5) Protecting, at the highest level, our Middle Eastern Allies, including [[Israel]], [[Saudi Arabia]], [[Qatar]], the [[United Arab Emirates]], [[w:Bahrain|Bahrain]], [[Kuwait]], and others. The [[w:Hormuz Strait|Hormuz Strait]] will have to be guarded and policed, as necessary, by other Nations who use it — The United States does not! 
**[[Donald Trump]] on [https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/116263563453969628 Truth Social] (Mar 20, 2026)

[[File:Strait of Hormuz.jpg|thumb|Strait of Hormuz]]
*If Iran doesn’t FULLY OPEN, WITHOUT THREAT, the [[w:Strait of Hormuz|Strait of Hormuz]], within 48 HOURS from this exact point in time, the United States of America will hit and obliterate their various POWER PLANTS, STARTING WITH THE BIGGEST ONE FIRST!
**[[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/clyxv87zwwpo &quot;Trump at a crossroads as US weighs tough options in Iran&quot;], ''BBC News'' (21 March 2026)

*In difficult times like these, when events seem both confused and confusing, [[Mark Twain]]’s “broken fragments of antique legends” can remind us of historical analogies like the collapse of the power and influence of [[Great Britain]] or of the [[Soviet Union]] that can help us understand how the past often whispers to the present — as it indeed seems to be doing these days in the [[Strait of Hormuz]].
** [[Alfred W. McCoy]], [https://inkstickmedia.com/how-the-iran-war-gave-trump-his-very-own-suez-crisis/ &quot;How the Iran War Gave Trump His Very Own Suez Crisis&quot;] (21 March 2026)

*No countries that are [[North Atlantic Treaty Organization|NATO]] allies that have been bullied by Trump are going to be willing… to go on this suicide mission for someone who is an asshole to them.
**Adam Mockler from [[w:MeidasTouch|MeidasTouch]] quoted telling [[CNN]] in [https://inews.co.uk/news/world/trump-iran-gamble-failed-americas-allies-pay-it-4309972 &quot;Trump’s Iran gamble has failed – and America’s allies will pay for it&quot;], ''iNews'' (March 22, 2026)

*Maybe me. Me and the ayatollah, whoever the ayatollah is, whoever the next ayatollah is. There’s automatically a regime change, but we’re dealing with some people that I find to be very reasonable, very solid. The people within know who they are. They’re very respected, and maybe one of them will be exactly what we’re looking for.
**[[Donald Trump]] quoted on who would control the [[w:Strait of Hormuz|Strait of Hormuz]] in [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/middle-east/trump-ayatollah-joint-leadership-hormuz-b2944024.html &quot;Trump proposes extraordinary ‘joint leadership’ of Iran alongside ayatollah&quot;], ''Independent'' (23 March 2026)

*No negotiations have been held with the US, and fake news is used to manipulate the financial and oil markets and escape the quagmire in which the US and Israel are trapped.
**[[w:Mohammad Bagher Ghalibaf|Mohammad Bagher Ghalibaf]] quoted in [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/middle-east/trump-ayatollah-joint-leadership-hormuz-b2944024.html &quot;Trump proposes extraordinary ‘joint leadership’ of Iran alongside ayatollah&quot;], ''Independent'' (23 March 2026)

*Because they’re going to make a deal. They did something yesterday that was amazing, actually. They gave us a present. And the present arrived today. And it was a very big present worth a tremendous amount of money. And I’m not going to tell you what that present is, but it was a very significant prize.… That meant one thing to me—we’re dealing with the right people.
**[[Donald Trump]] quoted on negotiations with [[Iran]] in [https://www.newsbreak.com/the-new-republic-1991457/4556482986909-trump-says-he-changed-his-mind-after-iran-gave-very-big-present &quot;Trump Says He Changed His Mind After Iran Gave 'Very Big Present'&quot;], ''Newsbreak'' (24 March 2026)

*Has the level of your inner ⁠struggle reached the stage ⁠of you negotiating with yourself?
**Iranian Ebrahim Zolfaqari's rhetorical question to Donald Trump quoted in [https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2026/3/25/us-talking-to-itself-says-iran-as-trump-claims-wheels-of-diplomacy-turning &quot;US talking to itself, says Iran as Trump claims wheels of diplomacy turning&quot;], ''Al Jazeera'' (25 March 2026)

* The enemy signals negotiation in public, while in secret it plots a ground attack. Our firing continues. Our missiles are in place. Our determination and faith have increased. [Iranian forces] are waiting for the arrival of American troops on the ground to set them on fire and punish their regional partners for ever.
** Iranian parliament speaker, [[w:Mohammad Bagher Ghalibaf|Mohammad Bagher Ghalibaf]], quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/world/2026/mar/29/iran-accuses-us-plotting-ground-assault-publicly-seeking-talks &quot;Iran accuses US of plotting ground assault while publicly seeking talks&quot;], ''Guardian'' (29 March 2026)

*This is our God: Jesus, king of peace, who rejects war, whom no one can use to justify war. He does not listen to the prayers of those who wage war, but rejects them.
* ([[Isaiah]] 1:15) ‘Even though you make many prayers, I will not listen: your hands are full of blood.’
**[[Pope Leo XIV]] quoting ''Book of Isaiah'', reported in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/cje4x38q8xqt?post=asset%3A58d1f907-b13b-443a-b413-d7741b63b566 &quot;'Hands full of blood': Pope Leo seemingly criticises those involved in war&quot;], ''BBC News'' (29 March 2026)

===Apr 2026===
[[File:Gas prices Sonoma, California April 7 2026.jpg|thumb|Trump: We will consider when Hormuz Strait is open, free, and clear. Until then, we are blasting Iran into oblivion or, as they say, back to the Stone Ages.]]
*We're finishing the job, and I think within maybe two weeks, maybe a couple of days longer, to do the job. But we want to knock out every single thing they have. Now, it's possible that we'll make a deal before that.
**[[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://newsroom.ap.org/editorial-photos-videos/detail?itemid=ad13f6002bde4e30befd5495f58499d9 &quot;Trump: US could leave Iran in 2 to 3 weeks, securing Strait of Hormuz is 'not for us'&quot;], ''AP News'' (Apr 1, 2026)

*We will consider [a ceasefire] when [[w:Hormuz Strait|Hormuz Strait]] is open, free, and clear. Until then, we are blasting [[Iran]] into oblivion or, as they say, back to the Stone Ages.
**[[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-iran-speech-stone-age-b2950116.html &quot;Trump threatens both Iran and NATO allies ahead of primetime address on war: ‘Back to the Stone Ages’&quot;], ''Independent'' (Apr 1, 2026)

*If hostility escalates, the entire region will turn into hell for you; the illusion of defeating the Islamic Republic of Iran will become a quagmire into which you will sink.
**[[w:Ebrahim Zolfaghari|Ebrahim Zolfaghari]] quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c5y90jl8veyo US and &quot;Iran trade threats to unleash 'hell' as search for missing US airman continues&quot;], ''BBC News'' (4 April 2026)

*In the attempt to try to prevent Iran from developing a weapon of mass destruction, the US handed Iran a weapon of mass disruption.
**Ali Vaez, quoted in [https://www.reuters.com/world/middle-east/us-intelligence-warns-iran-unlikely-ease-hormuz-strait-chokehold-soon-sources-2026-04-03/ Reuters]

*Tuesday will be Power Plant Day, and Bridge Day, all wrapped up in one, in Iran. There will be nothing like it!!! Open the Fuckin' Strait, you crazy bastards, or you'll be living in Hell - JUST WATCH! Praise be to Allah. President DONALD J. TRUMP
**[https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cvg0q6wdzp1o Trump issues expletive-laden threat to Iran over Hormuz Strait blockage], ''BBC News'' (5 April 2026)

* Subject to the Islamic Republic of Iran agreeing to the COMPLETE, IMMEDIATE, and SAFE OPENING of the Strait of Hormuz, I agree to suspend the bombing and attack of Iran for a period of two weeks
** [[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026/apr/07/trump-iran-war-ceasefire US and Iran agree to provisional ceasefire as Tehran says it will reopen strait of Hormuz], ''The Guardian'' (8 April 2026 )

* If attacks against Iran are halted, our Powerful Armed Forces will cease their defensive operations. For a period of two weeks, safe passage through the Strait of Hormuz will be possible via coordination with Iran's Armed Forces and with due consideration of technical limitations.
** Iran’s foreign minister, [[w:Abbas Araghchi|Abbas Araghchi]] quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026/apr/07/trump-iran-war-ceasefire &quot;US and Iran agree to provisional ceasefire as Tehran says it will reopen strait of Hormuz&quot;], ''The Guardian'' (8 April 2026 )

* The Iranians don’t seem to realize they have no cards, other than a short term extortion of the World by using International Waterways. The only reason they are alive today is to negotiate!
** [[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://www.theguardian.com/world/2026/apr/10/jd-vance-warns-iran-against-trying-to-play-the-us-in-peace-talks &quot;JD Vance warns Iran against trying to ‘play’ the US in peace talks&quot;], ''The Guardian'' (10 April 2026 )

*The simple question is, do we see a fundamental commitment of will for the Iranians not to develop a nuclear weapon, not just now, not just two years from now, but for the long term. We haven’t seen that yet.
**[[JD Vance]]  quoted in [https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/middle-east/iran-us-peace-talks-vance-trump-b2956013.html &quot;Why the US-Iran peace talks failed after just one day – and what happens next&quot;], ''The Independent'' (12 April 2026)

* We’re going to clean out the strait.
**[[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/5827840-trump-navy-strait-hormuz-blockade/ &quot;US military will ‘clean out’ Strait of Hormuz: Trump&quot;], ''The Hill'' (12 April 2026)

* We’re very disappointed with [[NATO]], we’re very, very disappointed that they didn’t come. Now, they want to come and they want to help with the strait.
**Trump quoted in [https://thehill.com/homenews/administration/5827840-trump-navy-strait-hormuz-blockade/ &quot;US military will ‘clean out’ Strait of Hormuz: Trump&quot;], ''The Hill'' (12 April 2026)

[[File:Straße von Hormuz.jpg|thumb|Trump - Iran has agreed to never close the Strait of Hormuz again]]

* In line with the ceasefire in Lebanon, the passage for all commercial vessels through [the] [[w:Strait of Hormuz|Strait of Hormuz]] is declared completely open for the remaining period of ceasefire, on the coordinated route as already announced by Ports and Maritime Organisation of the Islamic Rep. of Iran.
** Iran Foreign Minister [[w:Abbas Araghchi|Abbas Araghchi]] quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/cqxdg17yr2wt Iran says Strait of Hormuz is 'open' as Trump says US blockade will continue until deal reached], ''BBC News'' (Apr 17, 2026)

* [[Iran]] has agreed to never close the Strait of Hormuz again. It will no longer be used as a weapon against the World!
** [https://truthsocial.com/@realDonaldTrump/posts/116420562510387829 Donald Trump on Truth Social] (Apr 17, 2026)

* Based on the fact that the Government of [[Iran]] is seriously fractured, not unexpectedly so and, upon the request of Field Marshal Asim Munir, and Prime Minister [[w:Shehbaz Sharif|Shehbaz Sharif]], of [[Pakistan]], we have been asked to hold our Attack on the Country of Iran until such time as their leaders and representatives can come up with a unified proposal. I have therefore directed our Military to continue the Blockade and, in all other respects, remain ready and able, and will therefore extend the Ceasefire until such time as their proposal is submitted, and discussions are concluded, one way or the other.
** [[Donald Trump]] quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/cx297218m9vt &quot;Iran says reopening Strait of Hormuz 'impossible' if US blockade continues&quot;], ''BBC News'' (Apr 22, 2026)

* We are all 'Iranian' and 'revolutionary,' and with the iron unity of the nation and government, with complete obedience to the Supreme Leader. We will make the aggressor criminal regret his actions.
** Iran's President {{w|Masoud Pezeshkian}} quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/c0mjev4kn9jt?page=2 &quot;Trump says Israel-Lebanon ceasefire extended by three weeks, but he won't 'rush' Iran deal&quot;], ''BBC News'' (Apr 24, 2026)

===May 2026===
*Iran has taken some shots at unrelated Nations with respect to the Ship Movement, PROJECT FREEDOM, including a South Korean Cargo Ship. Perhaps it’s time for South Korea to come and join the mission!{{Pbri}}We’ve shot down seven small Boats or, as they like to call them, “fast” Boats. It’s all they have left. Other than the South Korean Ship, there has been, at this moment, no damage going through the Strait. Secretary of War Pete Hegseth and Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Dan Caine, will have a News Conference tomorrow morning.
** [https://truthsocial.com/@realdonaldtrump Trump Truth Social Truth], 4 May 2026 
*Countries from all over the World. almost all of which are not involved in the Middle Eastern dispute going on so visibly, and violently, for all to see, have asked the United States if we could help free up their Ships. which are locked up in the Strait of Hormuz, on something which they have absolutely nothing to do with - They are merely neutral and innocent bystanders! For the good of Iran, the Middle East, and the United States, we have told these Countries that we will guide their Ships safely out of these restricted Waterways, so that they can freely and ably get on with their business. Again, these are Ships from areas of the World that are not in any way involved with that which is currently taking place in the Middle East. I have told my Representatives to inform them that we will use best efforts to get their Ships and Crews safely out of the Strait. In all cases, they said they will not be returning until the area becomes safe for navigation, and everything else. This process, '''Project Freedom''', will begin Monday morning, Middle East time. I am fully aware that my Representatives are having very positive discussions with the Country of Iran, and that these discussions could lead to something very positive for all. The Ship movement is merely meant to free up people, companies, and Countries that have done absolutely nothing wrong - They are victims of circumstance. This is a Humanitarian gesture on behalf of the United States, Middle Eastern Countries but, in particular, the Country of Iran. Many of these Ships are running low on food, and everything else necessary for large scale crews to stay on board in a healthy and sanitary manner. I think it would go a long way in showing Goodwill on behalf of all of those who have been fighting so strenuously over the last number of months. If, in any way, this Humanitarian process is interfered with, that interference will, unfortunately, have to be dealt with forcefully. Thank you for your attention to this matter!
**[https://truthsocial.com/@realdonaldtrump Trump Truth Social Truth]
*Quranic verdict of Zarif and Rouhani is execution definitely indeed
**Qasemian[https://www.khabaronline.ir/news/2213690/%D8%A8%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D9%82%D8%A7%D8%B3%D9%85%DB%8C%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%AD%DA%A9%D9%85-%D9%82%D8%B1%D8%A2%D9%86%DB%8C-%D8%A8%D8%B1%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%B1%D8%AF-%D8%A8%D8%A7-%D8%B8%D8%B1%DB%8C%D9%81-%D9%88-%D8%B1%D9%88%D8%AD%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C-%D9%82%D8%B7%D8%B9%D8%A7-%D8%A7%D8%B9%D8%AF%D8%A7%D9%85 ]19:05, (3 May 2026)
* Do you take out your wife, sister and wife so that unmarried men can look? There is a law, the parliament has approved it. I advise these women who come out without hijab: gather yourself. If these people decide, they will destroy your life. Netanyahu kills people, you beat people's opinion. They come again and appear in the square and street. Will you bring your sister and this woman so that the eyes of non-mahram men will fall on her situation?
**[https://www.khabaronline.ir/news/2213662/%D8%A7%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%AC%D9%85%D8%B9%D9%87-%D8%B1%D8%B4%D8%AA-%D8%A7%DA%AF%D8%B1-%D9%85%D8%B1%D8%AF%D9%85-%D8%AA%D8%B5%D9%85%DB%8C%D9%85-%D8%A8%DA%AF%DB%8C%D8%B1%D9%86%D8%AF-%D8%AF%D9%85%D8%A7%D8%B1-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%B1%D9%88%D8%B2%DA%AF%D8%A7%D8%B1-%D8%A8%DB%8C-%D8%AD%D8%AC%D8%A7%D8%A8-%D9%87%D8%A7 Imam Juma Rasht] (3 May 2026)

* Operation Epic Fury is concluded. We achieved the objectives of that operation.
** [[Marco Rubio]] quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/c1wz2ld4535t US &quot;Secretary of State Marco Rubio says offensive stage of Iran war is 'over'&quot;], ''BBC News'' (4 May 2026)

* Based on the request of [[Pakistan]] and other Countries, the tremendous Military Success that we have had during the Campaign against the Country of Iran and, additionally, the fact that Great Progress has been made toward a Complete and Final Agreement with Representatives of Iran, we have mutually agreed that, while the Blockade will remain in full force and effect, Project Freedom (The Movement of Ships through the Strait of Hormuz) will be paused for a short period of time to see whether or not the Agreement can be finalized and signed. 
** Trump quoted in  [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/c152zyj0599t &quot;Trump says US will pause operation to guide ships through Strait of Hormuz&quot;], ''BBC News'' (6 May 2026)

* We have such a great military and great navy. And they were going straight through, and they said, “Turn your ship around!”. And there was no response. “Turn your ship around! Evacuate your engine room immediately!” And you see all these guys running out of there. Now, they’re five miles away — in one shot, into the engine room, blew up the engine room; the ship stopped, and they used tugboats. And then we landed on top of it — on top of everything else — we then land on top of it. And '''we took over the ship; we took over the cargo, took over the oil. It’s a very profitable business'''. Who would have thought we were doing that? '''We’re like pirates. We’re sort of like pirates'''. But we’re not playing games.
** Trump quoted in [https://geopoliticaleconomy.com/2026/05/09/trump-pirates-iran-ships-china-us-sanctions/ Trump boasts ‘we’re like pirates’, seizing Iran’s ships, as China challenges US sanctions]. Geopolitical Economy Report. (9 May 2026)

* We will never bow our heads before the enemy, and if talk of dialogue or negotiation arises, it does not mean surrender or retreat.
** Iranian President [[w:Masoud Pezeshkian|Masoud Pezeshkian]] quoted in [https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/clypgz9e5pmo &quot;Trump calls Iran response to US proposal to end war 'totally unacceptable&quot;], ''BBC News'' (10 May 2026)

* 1. They martyred the great and devoted leader of the Islamic Revolution; 2. No Muslim country came to Iran aid. What sort of Islam is this .. what kind of Muslimhoodness is this; 3.Iran continues to resist the big and small Satan (America and Israel); 4. On one side of today's battle are America and Israel, and on the other side are Muslim Iran and the resistance forces. Which side are you; 5. Think about the future of the Islamic world. You know that America is not loyal to you and Israel is your enemy. Think for a minute about yourself and the future of the region;  6. Unity of the Islamic Ummah with all its power can provide and guarantee the security, excellence and independence of countries for everyone
**letter to 6 countries Larijani[https://fa.alalam.ir/news/7428293/%D9%86%D8%A7%D9%85%D9%87-%DB%B6-%D8%A8%D9%86%D8%AF%DB%8C-%D8%B9%D9%84%DB%8C-%D9%84%D8%A7%D8%B1%DB%8C%D8%AC%D8%A7%D9%86%DB%8C-%D8%AE%D8%B7%D8%A7%D8%A8-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D9%85%D8%B3%D9%84%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%AC%D9%87%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%88-%D8%AF%D9%88%D9%84%D8%AA-%D9%87%D8%A7%DB%8C-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D9%84%D8%A7%D9%85%DB%8C ]
*If you want Internet, pack and get up, leave your things, go to Afghanistan, live where there is Internet.
**IRIB anchor man [https://fararu.com/fa/news/970808/%D8%B4%D9%87%D8%A8%D8%A7%D8%B2%DB%8C-%D8%A7%DA%AF%D8%B1-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D9%86%D8%AA%D8%B1%D9%86%D8%AA-5g-%D8%A7%D9%81%D8%BA%D8%A7%D9%86%D8%B3%D8%AA%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%85%DB%8C-%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%A7%D9%87%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%A8%D8%B1%D9%88%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D9%87%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%AC%D8%A7-%D8%B2%D9%86%D8%AF%DA%AF%DB%8C-%DA%A9%D9%86%DB%8C%D8%AF ]p
*Like a rogue gang, the Iranian regime is pillaging resources that rightfully belong to the Iraqi people. Treasury will not stand idly by as Iran's military exploits Iraqi oil to fund terrorism against the United States and our partners.
**[https://twitter.com/SecScottBessent/status/2052447601304178863?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw Bessent]
*God's order to fight Fitne. Israel is to be wiped out. Division causes failure against enemies 
**Imam Karaj[https://www.imna.ir/news/971477/%D8%A7%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%AC%D9%85%D8%B9%D9%87-%DA%A9%D8%B1%D8%AC-%D8%A7%D8%AE%D8%AA%D9%84%D8%A7%D9%81-%D8%A7%D9%81%DA%A9%D9%86%DB%8C-%D8%B2%D9%85%DB%8C%D9%86%D9%87-%D8%B3%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%B4%DA%A9%D8%B3%D8%AA-%D8%AF%D8%B1-%D8%A8%D8%B1%D8%A7%D8%A8%D8%B1-%D8%AF%D8%B4%D9%85%D9%86%D8%A7%D9%86-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA ][https://www.didbaniran.ir/%D8%A8%D8%AE%D8%B4-%D8%B3%DB%8C%D8%A7%D8%B3%DB%8C-3/284228-%D8%A7%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%AC%D9%85%D8%B9%D9%87-%DA%A9%D8%B1%D8%AC-%D8%AF%D8%B3%D8%AA%D9%88%D8%B1-%D8%AE%D8%AF%D8%A7-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D9%86-%D8%A7%D8%B3%D8%AA-%DA%A9%D9%87-%D8%AA%D8%A7-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%86-%D8%B1%D9%81%D8%AA%D9%86-%D9%81%D8%AA%D9%86%D9%87-%D8%A8%D8%AC%D9%86%DA%AF%DB%8C%D8%AF-%D8%A8%D9%87-%D8%AF%D8%B4%D9%85%D9%86-%D8%A7%D8%AC%D8%A7%D8%B2%D9%87-%D8%A8%D8%A7%D8%B2%D8%B3%D8%A7%D8%B2%DB%8C-%D8%AE%D9%88%D8%AF%D8%B4-%D8%B1%D8%A7-%D9%86%D8%AF%D9%87%DB%8C%D9%85 ]
*Report of high Damage of internet blackout from government is greatly exaggerated.
**[https://www.zoomit.ir/iran-news/459800-denies-exaggerated-internet-outage-claims/] MP of Tehran 18:28, 15 May 2026 (UTC)~

*Trump is hopeless and desperate he went to begging China for no result. He will not be satisfied until Iran is destroyed.
**[https://www.khabaronline.ir/news/2219513/%D8%A7%D9%85%D8%A7%D9%85-%D8%AC%D9%85%D8%B9%D9%87-%D8%A7%D8%B1%D8%AF%D8%A8%DB%8C%D9%84-%D8%AA%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%85%D9%BE-%D8%A7%D8%B2-%D8%A7%D9%84%D8%AA%D9%85%D8%A7%D8%B3-%D8%A8%D9%87-%DA%86%DB%8C%D9%86-%D8%B9%D9%84%DB%8C%D9%87-%D8%A7%DB%8C%D8%B1%D8%A7%D9%86-%D9%86%D8%AA%DB%8C%D8%AC%D9%87-%D9%86%DA%AF%D8%B1%D9%81%D8%AA Ayatollah Imam Ardebil] (15 May 2026)

*China encourages the US and Iran to continue resolving their differences and disputes, including the nuclear issue, through negotiations, and advocates the swift reopening of the Strait of Hormuz on the basis of maintaining a ceasefire
**Chinese FM Wang in [https://aa.com.tr/en/asia-pacific/chinese-top-diplomat-urges-diplomacy-on-iran-after-trump-xi-summit/3938851] (15 May 2026)

*The most important issue today is trust. We cannot trust the Americans in any way
**[https://en.mehrnews.com/news/244536/Araghchi-holds-presser-in-New-Delhi], Iraqchi (15 May 2026)

== See also ==
* [[Iran]]
* [[Israel]]
* [[Middle East]]
* [[Second presidency of Donald Trump]]
* [[Might makes right]]

== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}
{{Commons category}}
* [https://www.bbc.com BBC coverage of 2026 Iran conflict]
* [https://www.aljazeera.com/news Al Jazeera: Iran crisis coverage]

[[Category:2026]]
[[Category:2020s in Iran]]
[[Category:Wars and battles]]
[[Category:Arab-Israeli conflict]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>The Pitt</title>
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[[File:The Pitt Max series logo.png|thumb]]
'''''[[w:The Pitt|The Pitt]]''''' (2025–) is an American [[w:medical drama|medical]] [[w:procedural drama|procedural drama]] television series created by [[w:R. Scott Gemmill|R. Scott Gemmill]], and executive produced by [[w:John Wells (filmmaker)|John Wells]] and [[w:Noah Wyle|Noah Wyle]]. It is about the daily lives of healthcare professionals in a Pittsburgh hospital as they juggle personal crises, workplace politics, and the emotional toll of treating critically ill patients, revealing the resilience required in their noble calling.

== Season 1 ==
=== ''7:00 A.M.'' [1.01] ===
:''[Robby introduces his newest group of medical students and interns to the key players of his emergency department day shift]''
:'''Dr. Michael &quot;Robby&quot; Robinavitch''': Actually, this is the most important person that you're gonna meet today. This is Dana. She's our charge nurse. She is the ringleader of our circus. Do what she says, when she says it. As you can see, our house is always packed, and our department is mostly clogged up with boarders. Those are admitted patients waiting for a room upstairs, sometimes for days. Beds are a very precious commodity around here, so please be quick and efficient with your workups. What else? We treat the sicker patients back here, but please keep your eye on that waiting room. Make sure nobody's gonna die out there. Your senior residents are Dr. Collins and Dr. Langdon. You report to them, and they report to me. Senior residents, you got your sign-outs?
:'''Dr. Heather Collins''': Yep.
:'''Dr. Frank Langdon''': Yep.
:'''Robby''': OK. Let's do this.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dr. Cassie McKay''': Patients, they check in for registration here. A nurse eyeballs them, makes sure they're not dying. If not, they're moved to one of two triage rooms for vitals and a quick chair exam where you can order your labs and your X-rays. And then they come back to Waiting room, until a bed opens up.
:'''MS3 Victoria Javadi''': For how long?
:'''McKay''': Eight hours, if they're lucky. A lot of times, 12.
:'''MS4 Dennis Whitaker''': Uh, is it always this busy?
:'''McKay''': Uh, no. It gets a lot busier.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Gloria Underwood''': We need to talk about your numbers.
:'''Robby''': Of people we've saved?
:'''Gloria''': Metrics.
:'''Robby''': Our door-to-balloon times beat federal standards.
:'''Gloria''': I'm talking about Press Ganey scores. Patient satisfaction.
:'''Robby''': If they're still alive, they should be satisfied.
:'''Gloria''': Our goal is 36% very satisfied with their care. Your department is at 8%. Do you know how likely patients are to recommend this hospital?
:'''Robby''': This is an emergency department, not a Taco Bell.
:'''Gloria''': 11%.
:'''Robby''': Well, if you want people to be happier, don't make 'em wait for 12 hours.
:'''Gloria''': There's a nursing shortage across the country.
:'''Robby''': Most of our patients are boarders who are waiting for a bed upstairs.
:'''Gloria''': We don't have the beds.
:'''Robby''': That's bullshit. The beds are up there. You just don't want to hire the staff you need to care for them.
:'''Gloria''': Like I said, there's a nursing shortage.
:'''Robby''': Well, if you paid them a living wage, they'd be lining up to work here.
:'''Gloria''': Our budget can't support that.
:'''Robby''': ''[laughs]'' Here's a dirty little secret. The hospital saves money keeping patients down here in the Pitt. It's way cheaper than staffing upstairs.
:'''Gloria''': I have asked you repeatedly to stop referring to the emergency department as the Pitt. It is derogatory and incompatible to the institution's image.
:'''Robby''': You know what's incompatible with the institution's image? Me speaking to the media about people who code in our waiting rooms and people who get shitty care in our hallways waiting for an ICU bed for days.
:'''Gloria''': I've heard about doctors who have tried that and find themselves out of work.
:'''Robby''': Uh-huh.
:'''Gloria''': I know today is difficult for you.
:'''Robby''': Every day is difficult down here.
:'''Gloria''': Boarding is a nationwide problem. Your predecessor, Adamson, sure as hell knew that. Or wasn't that something he taught you?
:'''Robby''': Fuck. Wow. Really?
:'''Gloria''': Yes, really. Other hospitals are managing this crisis much more effectively. So, you can either step up your game, or you can step aside.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Otis Williams''': Am I gonna be OK?
:'''McKay''': Yeah. You just need to take it easy on yourself. Muscle breakdown and [[w:myoglobin|myoglobin]] damaged your kidneys.
:'''Otis Williams''': Why'd you shock my heart?
:'''McKay''': When your kidneys don't work, potassium builds up and messes with the electrical activity in your heart.
:'''Otis Williams''': Can it happen again?
:'''McKay''': We gave you medicine to lower your potassium, and you'll need dialysis to clear it all out.
:'''Otis Williams''': Then I'll be OK?
:'''McKay''': Yeah. You might need a week or two for your kidneys to recover, but yeah. You really need to hydrate like crazy before and after a triathlon.
:'''Otis Williams''': Trust me, I won't let this happen again.
:'''McKay''': Good. Be kind to yourself.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Robby''': One of the things we do here is to take a moment of silence when we lose a patient, to respect their humanity. And also to remember that this was somebody's child, or sibling, or parent, or friend.

=== ''8:00 A.M.'' [1.02] ===
:'''Gloria''': Is it true? ...
:'''Robinavitch''': You have to be more specific.
:'''Gloria''': Are there rats in the ED?
:'''Robinavitch''': Apparently, if somebody already snitched!
:'''Gloria''': Do you know how bad this looks? One more reason to shutter this place. Only the emergency department admits rats.
:'''Robinavitch''': Emergency department would never admit rats, unless they had the right insurance.
:'''Gloria''': Did you catch any of them?
:'''Robinavitch''': One, and I charged him for a full visit.
:'''Gloria''': I'm glad you think this is funny.
:'''Robinavitch''': I'm sorry that you don't.
:'''Gloria''': Did you call an exterminator?
:'''Robinavitch''': He's waiting on a second opinion.
:'''Gloria''': ''[chuckles]'' You're pushing your luck today.
:'''Robinavitch''': Don't worry. Last I heard, they were headed for the cafeteria, so they should be dead within the hour.
:'''Gloria''': OK.
:'''Robinavitch''': I'll be here all week.
:'''Gloria''': Or maybe not.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dana''': What's wrong with kids these days?
:'''Robinavitch''': Uh, you mean besides social media and the worldwide pandemic and the environmental crisis?
:'''Dana''': Yeah, yeah, yeah.
:'''Robinavitch''': And gun violence?
:'''Dana''': You're a fucking fountain of hope today, aren't you?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Robinavitch''': I got to go tell those parents their 18-year-old son is brain-dead.
:'''Collins''': Want me to come with you?
:'''Robinavitch''': No, It's OK.
:'''Collins''': What are you going to say?
:'''Robinavitch''': I'm going to say that it's likely, but we still need to do an [[w:apnea|apnea]] test and a [[w:Cerebral perfusion pressure|cerebral perfusion]] study.
:'''Collins''': There's no cranial nerve activity.
:'''Robinavitch''': Those people need some hope.
:'''Collins''': False hope.
:'''Robinavitch''': Hope is hope.
:'''Collins''': Is it? What, are we praying for miracles today?
:'''Robinavitch''': They need time to process before they can accept what's happening.
:'''Collins''': You ever consider taking that advice? Physician, heal thyself.
:'''Robinavitch''': Don't you have patients?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Robinavitch''': Why did you order the EKG?
:'''Whitaker''': The nurse suggested it to rule out any cardiac issues.
:'''Robinavitch''': Well, good call on both your parts. Nurses know what they're doing. Never hesitate to listen to them.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King''': Because your son tested positive for [[w:Tetrahydrocannabinol|THC]], the psychoactive ingredient in cannabis, we're going to have to admit him for overnight observation and monitoring.
:'''Amanda Jones''': And what about his brain? Is there a chance that much pot is going to do some damage? He's only four.
:'''Langdon''': The honest answer is we don't know. There haven't been any long-term studies, but the fact that this is a one-time occurrence suggests that there should be no long-term effects.
:'''Amanda Jones''': But you don't know. So my son could end up with learning disabilities, psychiatric problems, or even autism because of this.
:'''King''': There's no evidence to suggest any of that.
:'''Kiara Alfaro''': Hello. I'm Kiara Alfaro. I'm the department social worker.
:'''Langdon''': Kiara will help you navigate the next steps.
:'''Amanda Jones''': What steps?
:'''King''': Well, a case like this requires mandatory reporting to child services and sometimes law enforcement.
:'''Amanda Jones''': No.
:'''Drew Jones''': Why why do you have to involve the police?
:'''King''': It's a controlled substance.
:'''Amanda Jones''': They're not taking my kid away.
:'''Drew Jones''': They were pot gummies.
:'''Kiara Alfaro''': No one's suggesting that.
:'''Amanda Jones''': Well, fuck your suggestions! No one is touching my child! In fact, we're leaving.
:'''Langdon''': Well no, you can't take your son. He could stop breathing. He could have a seizure.
:'''Amanda Jones''': I will observe him at home.
:'''Drew Jones''': Amanda, please.
:'''Amanda Jones''': Fuck off, Drew.
:'''Langdon''': Get security. If you can't cooperate, I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
:'''Drew Jones''': Amanda, please. He needs to stay here.
:'''Amanda Jones''': And you need to get a fucking hotel.
:'''Langdon''': Your son can't leave the hospital, but I can have you removed.
:'''Amanda Jones''': Don't you dare touch me. Get out! All of you!
:'''Kiara Alfaro''': Mrs. Jones, I know this is scary and stressful.
:'''Amanda Jones''': Oh, fuck you! Fuck you! This is my son. My son! And nobody is touching him!
:'''Robinavitch''': ''[enters]'' Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's going on?
:'''Security Guard Olsen''': How can I help you?
:'''Amanda Jones''': By backing the fuck off!
:'''Kiara Alfaro''': Mom's worried a CYF investigation.
:'''Drew Jones''': Amanda, just calm down!
:'''Robinavitch''': OK, OK, OK, enough! This is a hospital. This isn't &quot;The Jerry Springer Show.&quot; Ma'am, nobody's trying to take your child, so why don't you stay here with him while your husband talks to our social worker outside and straightens all this out?
:'''Amanda Jones''': Well, I don't want him speaking for me and my son.
:'''Robinavitch''': Well, it is either you or him. Your son is not leaving, but you can be escorted out and even arrested if you refuse to cooperate. Nobody wants that. So you tell us. What do you want to do?
:'''Amanda Jones''': I'm staying with my son.
:'''Robinavitch''': OK, great. You do that. We all on the same page here? Thank you, Olsen. You know where to find me.You OK?
:'''Langdon''': Yeah, we got this.
:'''Robinavitch''': All good. It's all yours.

=== ''9:00 A.M.'' [1.03] ===
:'''Robinavitch''': Dr. Mohan, do you have a minute?
:'''Mohan''': Yep. Excuse me.
:'''Robinavitch''': Is there a problem over there?
:'''Mohan''': No, her pain is well controlled.
:'''Robinavitch''': You understand that's my polite way of asking why are you spending so much time with one patient? You're an R3. As an R3, you should be seeing at least two patients an hour.
:'''Mohan''': I have two, Joyce and Mr. Wallace, our Good Samaritan.
:'''Robinavitch''': Who's comatose and stable. You should have four by now.
:'''Mohan''': I have the highest patient satisfaction of anyone.
:'''Robinavitch''': I don't doubt it, but we just had this conversation a couple of hours ago.
:'''Mohan''': I know people call me Slow-Mo. You don't have to confirm or deny. It used to hurt my feelings a lot, but I can't help it. I work at the speed I'm comfortable at.
:'''Robinavitch''': Because you're afraid of making a mistake?
:'''Mohan''': I'm always afraid of making a mistake. Aren't you?
:'''Robinavitch''': Yeah, of course I am. But you know what I mean. You make a mistake once, and somebody dies, and you feel so badly about it, you'll never let it happen again
:'''Mohan''': How is that wrong?
:'''Robinavitch''': Because you waste time and money on unnecessary tests. You keep sick patients waiting too long. You miss out on cases you could be learning from. You shortchange your own education. I'm not saying this to be a hard-ass. I'm saying this because I know you could do this, but you need to do it at a level I also know you're capable of.
:'''Mohan''': And what if I'm not?
:'''Robinavitch''': Then you should look into a specialty that better suits you. Have you thought about psychiatry?
:'''Mohan''': I don't want to go into psychiatry. I want to be here.
:'''Robinavitch''': Being here means no matter how good you are or how hard you try, you're gonna make another mistake, and someone else might even die. That's called being an emergency medicine doctor. And if you can't accept that, then maybe this isn't the place for you.
:'''Mohan''': I can accept that.
:'''Robinavitch''': You sure?
:'''Mohan''': Yes.
:'''Robinavitch''': OK, good. Go save some lives. Clear some beds while you're at it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Robinavitch''': Mr. Gellin, you're having a very big heart attack right now. Major artery that carries oxygen to your heart is almost totally blocked.
:'''Mr. Gellin''': That doesn't sound too good.
:'''Robinavitch''': No, it's not very good. We're gonna send you up to the cath lab. A cardiologist is gonna unblock that with a balloon and leave it open with a stent.
:'''Mr. Gellin''': But I'm still having a heart attack?
:'''Robinavitch''': If everything goes as planned, it'll be like you never had a heart attack. We're gonna put a catheter in this artery right here. We're gonna shave the hair with a clipper.
:'''Mr. Gellin''': Long as you stop short of a Brazilian.
:'''Robinavitch''': It's an option we offer. Costs a little bit more. A lot of people's insurance won't cover it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Robinavitch''': How's she doing?
:'''Kiara Alfaro''': She's worried sick about her son. What are you going to do?
:'''Robinavitch''': I thought he would come back after mom called him. Hey, what are the ethics about me reaching out to him under the guise of a medical emergency with mom?
:'''Kiara Alfaro''': If he's a danger to himself or others, I'd argue you have a professional responsibility to do whatever is necessary.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Helen Spencer''': He keeps trying to pull away.
:'''Robinavitch''': We're giving him some more sedation.
:'''Jereme''': Why is he so agitated?
:'''Robinavitch''': He could have some awareness of the tube in his throat or that he's in a strange place, or it could be lack of oxygen to his brain.
:'''Helen Spencer''': Does he need more oxygen?
:'''Robinavitch''': He's on 100%. That's as high as it goes. ''[vitals monitor beeps loudly]'' That is his blood pressure dropping.
:'''Jereme''': Oh, is that even fixable?
:'''Robinavitch''': Normally, yes, with IV fluids, but we now know that that will just fill up his lungs, drop his oxygen even more.
:'''Helen Spencer''': Well, isn't there something else we can do?
:'''Robinavitch''': We can place a long, large IV catheter in his jugular vein down into his heart and administer [[w:Norepinephrine (medication)|Levophed]], which is a very powerful medicine to constrict his arteries, raise his blood pressure. But that could cause other organ damage, organ failure. I'm really sorry, but each new step is even more invasive, could cause more suffering with minimal benefit.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Collins''': Confidence and ambition are great attributes, especially when paired with respect and humility.

=== ''10:00 A.M.'' [1.04] ===
:'''Robinavitch''': I had a teacher, mentor, who told me about a Hawaiian ritual called ''[[w:Hoʻoponopono|Hoʻoponopono]]'', or &quot;the four things that matter most.&quot; It's basically just a few key things that we can say when we're saying goodbye to a loved one that can really help at the early stages of loss.
:'''Jereme''': What are they?
:'''Robinavitch''': They're gonna sound really simple, but I swear I've seen them work.
:'''Jereme''': Okay.
:'''Robinavitch''': I love you. Thank you. I forgive you. Please forgive me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mohan''': Distraction is a terrible strategy. When a patient says, &quot;I'm hurting,&quot; we don't respond, &quot;What's your major?&quot;
:'''Santos''': Oh, I wasn't trying to diminish
:'''Mohan''': Additionally, &quot;I&quot; statements work better than &quot;you&quot; statements. &quot;I can see how painful this is&quot; acknowledges the reality of the situation and invites further examination. &quot;You need to move on&quot; has the opposite effect.
:'''Santos''': Understood, but in my personal experience...
:'''Mohan''': Your personal experience isn't germane here. We bring our education to the job, not our baggage.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Robinavitch''': It's good that your families live close. This becomes a primary relationship now. You're the last witnesses to each other's lives. You hold the memories.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Robinavitch''': But I've got four days off next week. I think I'm gonna get out of Dodge and head for the hills.
:'''Dana''': I wish you would. What'd [[Shakespeare]] say &quot;Physician, heal thyself&quot;?
:'''Robinavitch''': What? Have you been talking to Collins? Not Shakespeare. Luke, the disciple, who probably heard it from Paul the Apostle. But what do I know? I'm Jewish. It's not my book. Shakespeare had nothing to do with it, though.
:'''Dana''': Yeah. Maybe a little time off would be good.

=== ''11:00 A.M.'' [1.05] ===
:'''Dana''': Don't mind Myrna. She's harmless.
:'''Whitaker''': She's handcuffed!
:'''Dana''': That's why she's harmless.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Langdon''': A little advice, man-to-man: always compliment her outfit, hold her hand in front of your friends, and always wrap it before you tap it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Doug Driscoll''': Excuse me. Excuse me. I've been here for over five hours, okay, way longer than that chick. Can you check the list? Driscoll? Doug Driscoll.
:'''Javadi''': E-everybody is seen as quickly as possible and in order of medical care needed.
:'''Doug Driscoll''': Unless they die waiting.
:'''McKay''': Would you look at that, Mr. Driscoll? It's actually time to bring you back.
:'''Doug Driscoll''': Thank God.
:'''McKay''': Would you take care of Mr. Driscoll?
:'''Javadi''': Yeah, absolutely.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Donnie Donahue''': What can I do you for?
:'''Santos''': Hypothetical question would you ever go over a resident's head to the attending?
:'''Donnie Donahue''': Hypothetically, I wouldn't recommend it unless it's a behavioral issue or harassment. And in that case, you can make a confidential report to HR.
:'''Santos''': What if it's more patient care related?
:'''Donnie Donahue''': Depends. If it's something minor, leave it alone. If it's something that endangers the patient, then definitely yes. Pick your battles. You don't want to be the intern who cried wolf.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Javadi''': Has Kiara been here yet?
:'''Sherry Davis''': No, who's Kiara?
:'''Javadi''': Oh, she's the hospital social worker. She can help you out with, like, housing and childcare - and food and security
:'''Sherry Davis''': ''[to Dr. McKay]'' You told her?
:'''McKay''': No, I-I...
:'''Javadi''': No, no, it's all free. The system works if you use it. You just have to...
:'''McKay''': Enough!
:'''Sherry Davis''': I don't need your help. Nice speech. Next time, mind your own business.
:''[McKay pulls Javadi to the hall]''
:'''McKay''': You ever heard of impact over intent?
:'''Javadi''': I would never intentionally embarrass anybody.
:'''McKay''': But you did. You didn't have a conversation with Sherry or ask her what she needed. Instead, you walked in here and told her what to do. You gotta slow down, take a beat, and listen instead of judging people. Look, maybe I have a better perspective because I've been on both sides, but we gotta try to at least put ourselves in their shoes. Listening and building trust will make us better doctors and better people.
:'''Javadi''': Um, I'm sorry.
:'''McKay''': I'm not telling you this to reprimand you. I'm trying to teach you to help you.

=== ''12:00 P.M.'' [1.06] ===
:'''Mohan''': Aren't board rounds at 2:00?
:'''Robinavitch''': These aren't board rounds. I just want to remind you all of a few things, OK? So we do a great job coming up with the right diagnosis and treatment plan for our patients, but there are still some opportunities for improvement.
:'''Langdon''': Not this bullshit again.
:'''Robinavitch''': First off, always sit down at the bedside of a stable patient. It will make you a better doctor. Second, if there's a discharge to be done, do it before you pick up a new patient. The patients are very aware of the time that they spend with us, so please don't keep them here any longer than they need to be.
:'''McKay''': They complain about the wait.
:'''Robinavitch''': I get it, but for the sake of efficiency and running smoothly on our end and opening up beds and opening up rooms, let's discharge before we start with somebody new, OK? Thank you. Lastly, in your medical records, make sure that your decision-making and your notes reflect not just the diagnosis but all the thought that you put into ruling out all the critical illnesses in the differential.
:'''Langdon''': More work? I do enough charting as it is.
:'''Collins''': The hospital won't admit this, but it's less about charting and more about profit.
:'''Robinavitch''': OK? Good. That's it. Goodbye. Go.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Robinavitch''': ''[about Dr. Mohan]'' Hi, how's she doing?
:'''Dana''': Better. Faster.
:'''Robinavitch''': Still need ten more of her.
:'''Dana''': Never thought I'd see the day where you'd wish for more Samiras.
:'''Robinavitch''': You can blame Gloria for that. If I don't get patient satisfaction scores up around here, they're bringing in an outside management company to run things.
:'''Dana''': Mother of God. Really?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Gloria''': Dr. Robinavitch.
:'''Robinavitch''': Gloria.
:'''Gloria''': This is Dr. Tracy Morris, regional manager of ECQ America.
:'''Robinavitch''': The contract management group.
:'''Morris''': It's a pleasure to meet you.
:'''Robinavitch''': Likewise. But if you'll excuse me, I'm a little slammed, as per usual.
:'''Gloria''': We were upstairs with the executive team going over a proposal.
:'''Robinavitch''': A proposal?
:'''Gloria''': Mm-hmm.
:'''Morris''': We're interested in having your emergency department join us.
:'''Robinavitch''': The 500 or so ERs you have aren't enough?
:'''Morris''': What can I say? Business is good.
:'''Robinavitch''': Yeah, for who?
:'''Morris''': Everyone benefits.
:'''Robinavitch''': Do they, though? Your contract management's corporate mandate is profits for shareholders above everything else, yes?
:'''Gloria''': Robby.
:'''Robinavitch''': Dah-dah-dah.
:'''Morris''': Your hospital's board was very impressed with ECQ's metrics on patient satisfaction, throughput time, and billing collections.
:'''Robinavitch''': Does your proposal include the part where you cut the pay for all my doctors?
:'''Morris''': Maybe I can find an incentive for you. How does regional medical director sound? Lighter workload, better benefits, stock options.
:'''Robinavitch''': Did you go to business school or medical school?
:'''Morris''': Both. We look forward to your decision.
:'''Gloria''': Of course.
:'''Morris''': Hopefully we'll get a chance to work together soon, Dr. Robinavitch.
:''[Dr. Morris leaves]''
:'''Robinavitch''': I can't believe you're seriously considering this.
:'''Gloria''': Bottom line is, our current numbers aren't good, and theirs are.
:'''Robinavitch''': Just because their dashboard is pretty doesn't mean it's good for patients.
:'''Gloria''': If you want to keep this ED, improve metrics. There's a lot of OFI. Opportunities for improvement.
:'''Robinavitch''': Well, you could have just said that.
:'''Gloria''': I need you to care about patient-satisfaction scores.
:'''Robinavitch''': I would love nothing more. But right now, the average wait time is six hours, and that's before you see a doctor. You need to hire more staff so we can open more inpatient beds. Are you prepared to do that?
:'''Gloria''': I need you to improve scores with the resources we have, or we will explore what ECQ has to offer.
:'''Robinavitch''': This is bullshit. You know this is bullshit. And if you don't, then we are all in trouble.
:'''Gloria''': Maybe you need some time off.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Collins''': OK, you're gonna pretend you're a pirate with your foot on a keg of rum.
:'''Javadi''': Are you serious?
:'''Collins''': Yep. This is the Captain Morgan technique for hip reduction.
:'''Javadi''': Who's Captain Morgan?
:''[Doctor Robby chuckles]''
:'''Langdon''': The guy on the rum bottle?
:'''Collins''': I'll stabilize the pelvis.
:'''Langdon''': OK, you're gonna step up here.
:'''Javadi''': Actually, let me just...sorry.
:'''Langdon''': Yeah, and you are gonna put your right leg behind his knee.
:'''Javadi''': Like this?
:'''Langdon''': Yeah. And you are gonna use your leg as a hinge to put anterior force on his femur.
:'''Robinavitch''': Physics.
:'''Collins''': Push down on the lower leg with your left hand.
:'''Langdon''': You got this. Put your back into it. The hip is a big joint with lots of muscle stabilizing it.
:'''Javadi''': Yeah! OK.
:'''Robinavitch''': Whoa!
:'''Javadi''': Oh, shit... I mean, shoot.
:'''Collins''': And that is what a hip reduction feels like.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Langdon''': [[w:Neurocysticercosis|Neurocysticercosis]], a parasite in your brain.
:'''Joseph Marino''': I thought I just had a migraine, but I have bugs in my head?
:'''Langdon''': Well, not exactly. You had larva from a pork tapeworm that made multiple cysts, but they're all dead now.
:'''Joseph Marino''': A worm? In my fucking head? Are you kidding me?
:'''Langdon''': No, no, you don't have a worm in your head.
:'''Joseph Marino''': You just said that I have...
:'''Langdon''': I said you ''had'' a worm in your head, but it's dead and long gone. What we're seeing on the CT is scarring around those dead cysts.
:'''Joseph Marino''': Like dead worm eggs?
:'''Langdon''': Larvae.
:'''Joseph Marino''': Is my brain like Swiss cheese? Am I dying?
:'''Langdon''': No, no, you're not dying. Joseph, you're gonna be OK. The cysts are tiny, and they're calcified over. There'll be no further damage.
:'''Joseph Marino''': Can you fix it?
:'''Langdon''': Unfortunately, no. The  little calcified spots will stay there.
:'''Joseph Marino''': So there's gonna be a worm graveyard in my brain forever?
:'''Langdon''': Yeah, but they're resting in peace.

=== ''1:00 P.M.'' [1.07] ===
:'''Robinavitch''': Patients come in already in distress, and waiting only makes it worse.
:'''Gloria''': Wait time has nothing to do with this.
:'''Robinavitch''': Which is why we're seeing hospital workers like Dr. Collins get assaulted.
:'''Gloria''': Assaulted?
:'''Collins''': It was a little push.
:'''Robinavitch''': Which we're gonna take seriously. We risk our lives coming to work here every day. What if that mother had brought a weapon?
:'''Gloria''': We have metal detectors.
:'''Robinavitch''': This is what happens when you keep all the hospital admissions stuck down here instead of properly staffing upstairs. I've got four patients waiting on ICU that have been here since before I got here, and it's already 1:00.
:'''Gloria''': I can see that you're... 
:'''Robinavitch''': We've got four more waiting on psych. One of them's been here for a fucking week. So please, for the love of God, hire more nurses.
:'''Gloria''': I'll come back later.
:'''Robinavitch''': That's not gonna help anything.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Terrance''': I [[w:Eversion|everted]] my ankle playing table tennis.
:'''Langdon''': Everted?
:'''Terrance''': Yes.
:'''Langdon''': You mind if I take a look?
:'''Terrance''': Are you an orthopedic surgeon?
:'''Langdon''': No. I am an emergency medicine specialist.
:'''Terrance''': Could I talk to an orthopedic surgeon? I'd prefer an expert in that area.
:'''Langdon''': Well, I'm pretty good at ankle sprains.
:'''Terrance''': How do you know it's a sprain?
:'''Langdon''': Well, I'd have to examine you first, but...
:'''Terrance''': Could it be a [[w:Jones fracture|Jones fracture]] or a [[w:Avulsion_fracture#Tuberosity_avulsion|dancer's fracture]]?
:'''Langdon''': Could be. Again, I'd have to look. Why don't I examine you, and that'll tell me.
:'''Terrance''': Shouldn't you take a complete history on the present illness first?
:'''Langdon''': It sounds like you're more interested in asking the questions, so...
:'''Terrance''': You didn't ask me if I felt a pop or a snap. You didn't ask about previous injuries. You didn't ask about weight bearing.
:'''Langdon''': Why don't I get you some fresh ice?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kristi Wheeler''': Where is she?
:'''Collins''': She's OK. She just needs a minute.
:'''Kristi Wheeler''': I have given her enough time. She can process this on the car ride home.
:'''Collins''': Can we talk for a moment? Please.
:'''Kristi Wheeler''': I know you're trying to help, but this is really between me and my daughter. So if you could just bring her out, we will be on our way.
:'''Collins''': She's really upset.
:'''Kristi Wheeler''': She'll get over it.
:'''Collins''': Weren't you about the same age when you got pregnant with her?
:'''Kristi Wheeler''': Yes.
:'''Collins''': So, you know how hard it can be.
:'''Kristi Wheeler''': It was very hard at the time. But she turned out to be the best thing that has ever happened to me.
:'''Collins''': And I hope she feels the same way when she's ready. But right now, she's not. For her, the world is ending. If you push her away, she might never come back.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King''': ''[turns off the lights and draws the curtain]'' The, uh, ER can be very noisy.
:'''Terrance''': I agree.
:'''King''': So, I heard that you might have sprained your ankle playing table tennis?
:'''Terrance''': I everted it.
:'''King''': Yeah? What is your biggest concern today, Terrence? What worries you the most about the pain in your ankle?
:'''Terrance''': What worries me? Do you mean right now in this moment?
:'''King''': Right now.
:'''Terrance''': I'm worried I won't be able to play table tennis if it's a bad injury. There's a tournament in six weeks, and I already registered. It's my first tournament.
:'''King''': Wow, that's a big deal.
:'''Terrance''': Yes. The championship is hosted by the South Park Table Tennis Club. Nine players have USATT ratings over 2,000. 1,400 is considered average. 2,000 is a master player. My goal is to get a rating over 2,000.
:'''King''': Well, let's get you to that tournament, then. So...
:''[Dr. Langdon enters]''
:'''King''': Terrence, would you walk around the room for me, please? I'll be able to tell a lot more about your injury.
:'''Terrance''': It hurts a little.
:'''Langdon''': How painful on a scale from 1 to 10? 10 is the worst.
:'''Terrance''': The worst? The worst I've ever felt or the worst that a human being can experience?
:'''King''': A little pain is a great answer, Terrence. Thank you. Well, based on your walking around, I don't think it's a serious injury.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King''': Sometimes this tendon called peroneus brevis can pull off a piece of this bone, the fifth metatarsal.
:'''Terrance''': That's the dancer's fracture, right?
:'''King''': Exactly. You most likely have a second-degree ankle sprain. The X-ray will tell us everything. Tech will come get you, and then I'll come back and show you the images.
:'''Terrance''': Great.
:'''King''': OK... I'll put the orders in.
:''[Langdon and King leave]''
:'''Langdon''': How'd you do that?
:'''King''': Do what?
:'''Langdon''': Talk to him.
:'''King''': I listened?
:'''Langdon''': Funny. No, you unlocked something. I wasn't getting anywhere with him.
:'''King''': Oh, my sister is on the spectrum. And the ER can be a very, very overwhelming place for autistic people, so I... I don't know. It just takes a different approach.

=== ''2:00 P.M.'' [1.08] ===
:'''Willie Alexander''': Freedom House took us in and trained us for 300 hours.
:'''Robinavitch''': They turned out the very first medics in the United States.
:'''Willie Alexander''': We started IVs, defibrillated, intubated in the field.
:'''Eli Alexander''': They were the heroes of Hill District, a bunch of young Black dudes saving lives every day.
:'''Langdon''': Why'd you quit?
:'''Willie Alexander''': I didn't. The city saw how successful it was and took over the program. Trained new medics. All white.
:'''Robinavitch''': Everything that Willie and his friends did set the EMS standard for the entire country. Their program created the 911 system.
:'''Willie Alexander''': It wasn't just us. We had the best teachers. Dr. Safar invented CPR. Dr. Adamson, med student when I arrived. But I'm telling you, boy, that guy could teach like there was no tomorrow. You ever hear him give a lecture?
:'''Robinavitch''': Many times.
:'''Willie Alexander''': Every time I saved a patient, it was like he was standing right here, whispering in my ear, telling me what to do.
:'''Robinavitch''': Me too.
:'''Willie Alexander''': Yeah. Where is he working now?
:'''Robinavitch''': Dr. Adamson died a few years ago, during COVID.
:'''Willie Alexander''': Oh. Hard to believe. He was so young, so full of life. A force of nature.
:'''Robinavitch''': Yes, he was.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Willie Alexander''': That looks like [[w:ST elevation|ST elevation]]. That could be bad.
:'''Langdon''': Oh, no. That's just because we're pacing your right ventricle. Willie, I'm impressed. After all these years, you still remember your medical training.
:'''Eli Alexander''': He couldn't tell you what he had for breakfast.
:'''Willie Alexander''': ''[scoffs]'' It's all right. I remember what's important. Like the Freedom House.
:'''Princess''': What's that?
:'''Willie Alexander''': A damn shame. That's your history.
:'''Eli Alexander''': Dad, they're busy.
:'''Willie Alexander''': Back in the '60s, no 911, no ambulances. All we had was police paddy wagons that took you to the hospital, if you were lucky. Then this doc from Pitt, Dr. Safar, he got some money and trained us up.

=== ''3:00 P.M.'' [1.09] ===
:'''Wendy Atwater''': An operation?
:'''Langdon''': Well, you were just shouting a minute ago about infection, and with good reason. While I am sure you are in the clear for rabies and HIV, human mouths are filthy, some more than others.
:'''Wendy Atwater''': How can you tell if it's bad?
:'''Langdon''': Good question. Dr. K?
:'''King''': I'm sorry?
:'''Langdon''': I am going to inject some sterile saline into your knuckle joint, which you won't feel 'cause of the anesthetic. If it comes spraying back out of the bite wound, we'll know.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Langdon''': Oh, did you want me to tell the surgeons to go no masks for surgery?
:'''Wendy Atwater''': What?
:'''Langdon''': Well, those of us who save lives for a living believe strongly that masks minimize risk when it comes to spreading disease and infection. But I want to respect your beliefs, so what do you think? With or without for surgery? Without?
:'''Wendy Atwater''': Um I want with.
:'''Langdon''': Good call.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Doug Driscoll''': I know you hear me. You can pretend you don't, but I know you do. This glass might be bulletproof, but it ain't soundproof. Huh? Hello? Can you hear me now? Huh? Hello!
:'''Dana''': Whoa. Whoa. Whoa, sir. Sir, what is the issue?
:'''Doug Driscoll''': Oh, same issue. I've been here all day, and you people have done nothing to fucking help me.
:'''Javadi''': We're still waiting on your second [[w:troponin|troponin]]. We can't clear you medically until it comes back. For instance, if it comes back elevated, that could indicate a silent heart attack. And you'd need to be admitted for monitoring in a cardiology consult.
:'''Doug Driscoll''': That's all I'm asking for. I'm afraid I've had a silent heart attack. I just want someone who knows something about hearts to tell me what's happening to me. You know, unlike most of these losers, I have insurance, good insurance. And I pay my taxes, which pays for them to not have any insurance.
:'''Dana''': Sir, you've got about five seconds to change your whole attitude before security and the police get involved.
:'''Doug Driscoll''': Fuck it. I'm leaving.
:'''Langdon''': Hey. Hey! You are absolutely free to go. But if you do, you will be leaving AMA, against medical advice. This form states that I have advised you to stay and complete your evaluation, but you are choosing to leave, understanding and accepting all risks of heart attack, stroke, disability, and death.
:'''Doug Driscoll''': Sounds like a CYA form in case I drop dead on the curb.
:'''Langdon''': That's exactly what it is.
:'''Doug Driscoll''': I just want to be treated fairly.
:'''Langdon''': I assure you that is our intention. We are not back here playing Go Fish.
:'''Dana''': We're doing our best to help some very sick people. You will be seen, OK?
:'''Langdon''': Robby's gonna love that patient satisfaction score.
:'''Lupe Perez''': Crazy people.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Robinavitch''': I hear they're gonna start you working on the Middle East peace plan. Not since the Dalai Lama or Gandhi.
:'''Dana''': They'd be fucking-A right to. You should have seen me. I was inspiring, also terrifying, and a little bit shaming.
:'''Robinavitch''': Holy Trinity of crowd control.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Collins''': Yeah, purulent drainage from the cervix. Got the culture. Oof. Looks like we have our source. The positive urine this morning was contaminated.
:'''McKay''': Maybe.
:''' Collins''': Definitely. Not-so-clean catch specimen.
:'''Robinavitch''': This infection's been brewing for a while.
:'''McKay''': So the car crash was a coincidence.
:'''Robinavitch''': Not necessarily. She was probably already septic as the disease progressed, dropped her BP, and passed out while driving.
:'''McKay''': She wasn't [[w:Hypotension|hypotensive]] when she arrived.
:'''Robinavitch''': Adrenaline rush from the car crash and the sternal fracture raised her BP but not for long.
:'''McKay''': Oh. No history of fever.
:'''Collins''': Bet she was taking Tylenol for the pain.
:'''Robinavitch''': Let's call ICU for an admit. Also want gyn to see her.
:'''McKay''': She had mild lower abdominal pain and a positive urine dip. No fever, no back pain to indicate [[w:pyelonephritis|pyelonephritis]]. She was alert, walking, talking. It just seemed like a simple [[w:Urinary tract infection|UTI]]. I saw no reason to have her wait eight hours for a bed for a pelvic exam. 
:'''Collins''': McKay. Every postpartum patient needs a pelvic exam to rule out [[w:endometritis|endometritis]].
:'''McKay''': Wait, you're saying that with 20/20 hindsight.
:'''Collins''': Did you ask about Tylenol or ibuprofen use? Because that can mask a fever.
:'''McKay''': There was no fever.
:'''Collins''': Did you do a careful abdominal exam?
:'''McKay''': It was a quick chair exam, and there was only mild tenderness over the bladder.
:'''Collins''': Perhaps there was something about the patient that made you overlook proper treatment.
:'''McKay''': Like what, other than the obvious health risk factors?
:'''Collins''': Her size doesn't inherently make her unhealthy.
:'''McKay''': Are you saying I was biased against the patient because of her weight?
:'''Collins''': I raise it as a possibility, not as an accusation.
:'''McKay''': Wow. I mean, I really don't think that's the case here, but I will look out for it. Yeah.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dana''': Excuse me, sir. You're not allowed back there.
:'''Doug Driscoll''': Unless, what, I start a fight? Become homeless? Apparently, that's what it takes.
:'''Dana''': I understand your frustration. I promise you'll be seen as soon as a provider is available.
:'''Doug Driscoll''': But how can they become available if new people keep cutting the fucking line?
:'''Dana''': There's no line. We see patients by severity of need. As soon as we have your tests and labs, you will be seen.
:'''Doug Driscoll''': This place is fucking unbelievable. Runaround after runaround. Hey. What's up, [[w:Erik Estrada|Erik Estrada]]? Still keeping your eye on me?
:'''Mateo Diaz''': Always, my friend. Always. ''[to Dana]'' Who's Erik Estrada?
:'''Dana''': Shame on you. ''[[w:CHiPs|CHiPs]]''. Know your television history.

=== ''4:00 P.M.'' [1.10] ===
:'''Gloria''': ''[after Dana was attacked by a patient]'' Did you fill out an incident report?
:'''Robinavitch''': I don't know, I was more concerned with her having a skull fracture than with your liability.
:'''Gloria''': How'd a guy from the waiting room get back here without anyone noticing?
:'''Robinavitch''': Wow, Gloria! What a great question. Our hard-working nurses were just asking me what steps the hospital plans to take to ensure their safety in the future. Maybe you would like to explain to them why you've denied my request for additional security measures three times in the last four months? If nurses don't feel safe, they're not gonna come to work.
:'''Gloria''': First off, the safety of all our employees is paramount.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Princess''': ''[to Gloria]'' Glad to know the authorities are looking for this psycho, but what are you gonna do to protect the rest of us?
:'''Nurse Kim Tate''': Violence against health care workers is a national problem.
:'''Donnie Donahue''': And it's only getting worse. No surprise there's a nursing shortage everywhere.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Langdon''': An intern has a problem around here, they come to the senior resident, not the attending.
:'''Santos''': He is my attending, and I wanted his input on a patient. Is that not OK with you?
:'''Langdon''': Just, um come to me first next time. Got it?
:'''Santos''': Yep.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''McKay''': Look, do I think he needed to chill out a little bit? Yes. But he's a parent, and this might be his way of coping with the stress of a very frightening situation.
:'''Javadi''': I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me.
:'''McKay''': No, I do. You and that baseball kid are two pressure cooker prodigies in a pod. Just as physicians, we gotta learn to keep our emotions in check and not let our personal experiences interfere with our professional responsibilities.
:'''Javadi''': How long did it take you to learn that?
:'''McKay''': I'm still learning. And I also learned to never get on your bad side.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Robinavitch''': So, in this ER, we all need to work together as a single unified entity. And if two people on my team can't work together, it kind of throws the rhythm of the place off.
:'''Santos''': Understood.
:'''Robinavitch''': My duty, regardless of personal relationships, is to make sure everybody on my team is doing OK. So are you doing OK?
:'''Santos''': Uh, it's not a big deal. I can handle it.
:'''Robinavitch''': Handle what?
:'''Santos''': Nothing. It it's fine. I... I don't wanna get anyone in trouble.
:'''Robinavitch''': Hmm. OK, if there is anything that could affect my ER, I need to know about it, and you have a responsibility to tell me.

=== ''5:00 P.M.'' [1.11] ===
:'''Mohan''': Remember how I said you get good at spotting the fakers?
:'''Whitaker''': Yeah.
:'''Mohan''': He's exhibiting every sign of opiate withdrawal. Eyes dilated, tearing, skin has piloerection and goosebumps. [[w:Hypertension|Hypertension]], [[w:tachycardia|tachycardia]]. Agitation, restlessness, perspiration. He's checking every box.
:'''Whitaker''': Right, but he said he doesn't take drugs and seldom drinks alcohol, so...
:'''Mohan''': That's exactly what he would want you to believe if he was drug-seeking.
:'''Whitaker''': Wow. You're good.
:'''Mohan''': Thanks. I am.
:'''Whitaker''': So how do we treat him?
:'''Mohan''': By getting him to admit his opiate usage.
:'''Whitaker''': Right. How do we do that?
:'''Mohan''': By being smarter than the patient.
:'''Whitaker''': Got it. He said he isn't an addict, so why give him an opiate agonist to treat his withdrawal symptoms?
:'''Mohan''': Because I don't believe him. And I know this will work. Then once he feels better, we can get him to admit to his addiction and treat him long-term.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Theresa Saunders''': The psychologist spoke to me about becoming a petitioner to place David on an involuntary psychiatric hold.
:'''Robinavitch''': Yes.
:'''Theresa Saunders''': But can that be anonymous?
:'''Robinavitch''': No. To call a 302 in the state of Pennsylvania, the petitioner needs to admit to having witnessed the concerning behavior, and you need a physician and a social worker to sign off, which both Kiara and I can do.
:'''Theresa Saunders''': What if I'm wrong?
:'''Robinavitch''': Then you apologize. And we will help you explain that this came from concern for his safety. What if you're right?
:'''Theresa Saunders''': But if I become a petitioner, what am I doing to my son?
:'''Robinavitch''': You are trying to get him the help that it sounds like he needs. David lost his father. That would affect anyone. But we are failing young men, because we don't teach them how to express their emotions. We just tell them to man up, and then we let them get their lessons in manhood from toxic podcasts. And these young men then feel isolated from themselves and society, and they find community and comfort in all the wrong places. David needs help. We don't want to fail him, too.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Robinavitch''': ''[about drinking]'' You ever think about quitting?
:'''Louie Cloverfield''': ''[chuckles]'' I'm not a quitter.
:'''Robinavitch''': Oh, I know you're a happy drunk today. But one day, when your liver fails and believe me, it will fail you won't be so happy. It's not a nice way to go.
:'''Louie Cloverfield''': I'm digging my own grave. Let me.
:'''Robinavitch''': I don't have to give you the shovel.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dana''': I'm already in a bad mood.
:'''Security Guard Ahmad''': I'm just getting some air.
:'''Dana''': ''[scoffs]'' Yeah, right. You're a terrible liar. Hope you're better at security.
:'''Security Guard Ahmad''': Hey, now you're just being mean.
:'''Robinavitch''': You realize that this is the second person to accuse you of that today. - You starting to see a pattern?
:'''Dana''': No. But I am starting to see why Gloria's unhappy with your patient-satisfaction scores.
:''[Robby laughs]''
:'''Dana''': You need something? Or you just here to ruin one of the few things that still brings me a little joy in life?
:'''Robinavitch''': I sent Collins home.
:'''Dana''': You don't want to work with anybody today. You must be in a mood.
:'''Robinavitch''': She's had a rough day.
:'''Dana''': It's going around.
:'''Robinavitch''': You should leave, too.
:'''Dana''': ''[chuckles]'' Yeah. You're good. You're not that good.
:...
:'''Robinavitch''': You do help. You do make a difference. One asshole doesn't get to change that.
:'''Dana''': I think I'm done. ''[sighs]'' 
:'''Robinavitch''': Yeah. I know that one. And I don't blame you. I, uh...I-I-I-I don't know. I don't know. Maybe what I want and what the patients need isn't what's best for you anymore.
:'''Dana''': Yeah.
:'''Robinavitch''': I just honestly don't know what I'm going to do without you.
:'''Dana''': You'll figure it out. You always do. You're a good man, Robinavitch. Don't let this place take that from you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Robinavitch''': How you feeling, Mr. Pugliesi?
:'''Ivan Pugliesi''': Oh, so much better. Thank you. You guys think that I could have a little bit more of that medicine, just for the few days that I'm out here? I just want to be able to walk my daughter down the aisle without shitting myself.
:'''Robinavitch''': The medication we gave you wasn't morphine. It was something called [[w:buprenorphine|buprenorphine]], or BUPE.
:'''Ivan Pugliesi''': Yeah, no, she said that. I mean, whatever you call it, Doc, it worked great.
:'''Robinavitch''': It's a medicine specifically targeted to treat opioid withdrawal. That's why it worked.
:'''Ivan Pugliesi''': Wait, I-I don't I don't understand.
:'''Robinavitch''': All indicators are that you have been using opioids. That would include pain medication like [[w:hydrocodone|hydrocodone]], [[w:oxycodone|oxycodone]].
:'''Ivan Pugliesi''': I told them I don't do drugs. Wow. You lied to me.
:'''Mohan''': I didn't lie. I said I was giving you a morphine-like drug that got rid of your cravings.
:'''Ivan Pugliesi''': Well, you know what? This is bullshit. I mean, you know, I could sue all of you. You hear me? I'm not some junkie on the street. Look, look, I-I got a family. I got a job. I make good money. I, you know, I return my shopping carts. I pay my taxes. That sound like a drug addict to you?
:'''Robinavitch''': Yes, because anybody can be an addict. You are proof of that. These pills that you were taking, they're not helping you with your pain. They are keeping you stuck in it. A lot of really good people struggle with addiction. It is a brain disease. But social environment and personal choice are also factors.
:'''Ivan Pugliesi''': I don't have a problem.
:'''Robinavitch''': The good news is that the brain is highly dynamic, as is the environment. But you need to stop now before the damage is irreparable.
:'''Ivan Pugliesi''': No, screw this hospital, okay? And screw you.
:'''Robinavitch''': Hey. Doctor Mohan -- Doctor Mohan will advise you on our proposed action plan. You can either choose to follow it or not. That is entirely up to you. I wish you luck, Mr. Pugliesi.
:'''Mohan''': We're giving you a seven-day supply of a drug called Suboxone. We can set you up with a medic...
:'''Ivan Pugliesi''': Fuck off. I'm not interested.

=== ''6:00 P.M.'' [1.12] ===
:'''Robinavitch''': There is an active shooter at PittFest. As the nearest trauma center, we are going to be getting the majority of the victims. We don't know yet how many we are getting, but we are instituting hospital-wide emergency protocols. We need to move every patient out of here. They either go home, they go upstairs, or they go to Family Medicine. Call your loved ones now if you need to. I can guarantee you cell service will soon be overwhelmed. Eat something. Stay hydrated. Use the bathroom while there's time and meet back here for a full briefing in five minutes.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[&quot;Code Triage, Emergency Department now.&quot; over Public Address system]'' 
:'''Gloria''': We're locking down the hospital and setting up a command center in Administration. We'll coordinate logistics, supplies, communication.
:'''Dana''': How many casualties?
:'''Robinavitch''': Unclear, but initial reports are not good.
:'''Dana''': OK.
:'''Robinavitch''': The night shift is gonna be here soon, but we are gonna need more help, especially from Surgery and Anesthesiology.
:'''Gloria''': [[w:Mass casualty incident|MCI]] group text and email went out to everyone, including Transport and Environmental Services.
:'''Robinavitch''': OK, good. ''[to Dana]'' Hey, everyone's gonna want to come in to help. Keep enough in reserve. Tell them to come in eight hours later to give us a break. And can you try and reach Jake?
:'''Dana''': Of course.
:'''Robinavitch''': Surgery's got to call in the cavalry. We're gonna need all 25 ORs.
:'''Gloria''': Ahead of you. Four ORs are prepped and staffed, and we're working on getting the rest up and running.
:'''Robinavitch''': What about disaster supplies?
:'''Gloria''': On their way.
:'''Robinavitch''': Every patient in the ER needs to go up. Beds or no beds, they'll get better care in an upstairs hallway than ignored down here.
:'''Gloria''': Agreed.
:'''Whitaker''': There's a whole wing that's empty on the eighth floor. I don't know if that's...
:'''Gloria''': But no nurses to staff it.
:'''Robinavitch''': No comment on that one. Waiting room and Triage can go to Family Medicine Urgent Care. And we should turn off the TVs. We don't need to cause any extra panic.
:'''Gloria''': Will do.
:'''Robinavitch''': The cafeteria will handle the family members and survivors.
:'''Gloria''': What else do you need?
:'''Robinavitch''': Prayers wouldn't hurt.
:'''Gloria''': Amen to that.
:'''Robinavitch''': Keep the press out of here.
:'''Gloria''': Gladly. Call me directly if you need anything else.
:'''Robinavitch''': OK, will do. Thank you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Robinavitch''': This is how it's going to work. Our ambulance bay is now our Triage. EMS will be overwhelmed. Most will probably arrive by car, several victims per vehicle. For all you newbies that don't know, Dr. Shen is our night shift attending. John, I'm gonna put you on Point Triage.
:'''Dr. Shen''': Cool.
:'''Robinavitch''': Triage will decide who goes where depending on their injury.
:'''Abbot''': Every department will have a designated primary who will oversee their staff. If you need someone, look for the vest. We're all gonna have walkies. We can get you whatever you need.
:'''Robinavitch''': No patient goes into a room unless it's a trauma bay, and they will have four patients each. We need to keep everybody out in the open so we can keep an eye on everything, OK? Triage is gonna assess and assign every patient to a specific zone with a colored slap band. Patient who comes in with a red slap band goes to the Red Zone, which is the trauma rooms, with overflow out here. These are the most critical patients who will die without immediate attention. Samira, where are you? You are here with Dr. Abbot and me. Jack's gonna run traffic.
:'''Abbot''': We have five minutes to try and stabilize the reds. After that, it's OR, ICU, or morgue.
:'''Robinavitch''': The south and central common area over there will be the Pink Zone. That is for patients who will die in under an hour without treatment. McKay and Javadi, you are over there, with help from incoming night shift and surgical staff. Yellow Zone is the North Corridor. Those are gonna be mostly extremity wounds good vitals, talking. Mel, you're gonna run point there with Santos and Whitaker.
:'''King''': Uh, what if what if there's a-a pulseless extremity?
:'''Abbot''': Oh, if you if you can't feel a pulse, check for [[w:Doppler ultrasonography|Doppler flow]] with this. It's a mini-ultrasound. Follow the screen prompts.
:'''Robinavitch''': But a yellow can change to a red if they go south. You got to stay on top of them, even if they seem stable.
:'''King''': OK, yeah.
:'''Robinavitch''': You got this, Dr. King. Green minor lacs and sprains. They go to Family Medicine. Black and white bands are DOA, imminent death. Pedes is now our morgue. Let's hope we don't get too many of these.
:'''Abbot''': We're a [[w:Mobile Army Surgical Hospital|MASH unit]] now. There's no charting, no electronic medical records, no board.
:'''McKay''': How do we document treatment?
:'''Abbot''': Oh, you'll all get Sharpies, and every patient has a wrist chart to document treatment and procedures. You run out of room, write on the patient's forehead.
:'''McKay''': Really?
:'''Abbot''': Yeah, really.
:'''Robinavitch''': Each wrist chart has a unique mass-casualty-incident barcode and patient number. That's how the patients are gonna get identified.
:'''Abbot''': This is no-frills combat-zone medicine. No ultrasound, no X-rays, no CT, no labs. Assess based on mental status and pulse strength. Every critical patient gets an IO, intubation, a unit of blood and chest tube if needed. Everything you need blood, drugs, bandages everything will be in the Behavioral Health rooms. That's our supply depot. Um oh, keep a couple of 11 blades in your pocket. Goal is to resuscitate ASAP so they'll make it upstairs for definitive care.
:'''Robinavitch''': Trauma surgery and neurosurgery will decide who goes up to the OR immediately and who goes to the ICU for further treatment and evaluation. Communicate. Ask for help if you need it. Trust your attendings. We will get through this together.
:'''Abbot''': Damn right we will.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dr. Shen''': That's a lot of wrist charts.
:'''Robinavitch''': Let's hope we don't need them all. Were you at the last mass-casualty faculty meeting?
:'''Dr. Shen''': Oh, no. I was still a resident three months ago.
:'''Robinavitch''': Right. Wow. Well, one patient at a time, right? The goal is to triage each patient in ten seconds.
:'''Dr. Shen''': Ten seconds, got it.
:'''Robinavitch''': Mental status is [w:AVPU|]]. Alert, response to verbal, response to pain, unresponsive.
:'''Dr. Shen''': Yep.
:'''Robinavitch''': Next, do they have a pulse? Radial, carotid, or femoral tells you where to send them. That's it.
:'''Dr. Shen''': OK. Cool. Oh, I heard it might rain today.
:'''Robinavitch''': John?
:'''Dr. Shen''': Yeah, man.
:'''Robinavitch''': Mental status and pulse gives you everything you need.
:'''Dr. Shen''': Cool.
:'''Robinavitch''': Unresponsive with no pulses, slap a black and white band on them, send them to the morgue. Responds to pain with a faint groan, weak femoral pulse, no radial?
:'''Dr. Shen''': Uh, red.
:'''Robinavitch''': Right. Slap a red band on them, send them back. Awake, alert with strong radial?
:'''Dr. Shen''': Trick question. Could be green, Family Medicine for scrapes or sprains, but stable, penetrating extremity wounds go to yellow.
:'''Robinavitch''': Perfect.
:'''Dr. Shen''': Dude, relax. I got the front door. You worry about the back.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King''': Oh, um, and four of [[w:Cefazolin|Ancef]]. Sorry, I forgot the Ancef. Thank you... .
:'''Perlah Alawi''': Mel! Mel, I need you to reassess, please, now.
:'''King''': Sylvia? Oh, Sylvia. Her pulse is weak and thready. She's, uh, bleeding out from her liver lac. I need O-neg!
:'''Dana''': O-neg's gone, honey. Gloria's got more flying in. Incident Command, what's the ETA on our blood?
:''[Incident Command relays it would take eight to ten minutes]''
:'''Dana''': The patient's gonna have to get by with a liter of saline.
:'''King''': No, no, she needs blood, not crystalloid. Um, can she go to surgery?
:'''Dana''': All right, she's next to go, as soon as we get an open OR.
:'''King''': She's not gonna last that long -- Dr. Robby. Dr. Robby! Dr. Robby, we're out of O-neg, but I'm O-neg. Can I donate?
:'''Robinavitch''': Gloria's got more blood flying in.
:'''King''': But I need it now.
:'''Robinavitch''': What is our blood status?
:'''Dana''': Just used the last units of O-neg and O-pos. More flying in.
:'''Robinavitch''': ETA?
:'''Dana''': Less than 10.
:'''King''': Some patients are not gonna last that long. And I'm sure there are other O-neg donors that probably work here, so...
:'''Robinavitch''': It would take hours to screen for HIV and hepatitis.
:'''King''': Well, I have neither, and I donate all the time.
:''[Robby sighs]''
:'''King''': Please.
:'''Robinavitch''': Fuck it. If the patient's gonna die before they get to the OR, then the benefits outweigh the risks.
:'''Dana''': My man. All right, kid, roll up your sleeve I'll meet you in 7. Listen up. Central 7, 8, 9 is now the blood donor center. Anyone who's O-neg or O-pos, we need you to donate now. Hands where I can see them. OK, let's do this.

=== ''7:00 P.M.'' [1.13] ===
:'''Robinavitch''': ''[to his adopted son, about his girlfriend]'' Leah's injuries were really serious. She stopped breathing. We put a tube down her throat to deliver oxygen. We were able to drain the blood that was collapsing her lungs. We gave her as much blood as we could. We even transfused some of her own blood that was in her chest. But we were unable to get ahead of the massive blood loss. Her heart stopped. You saw me doing CPR. We did everything that we could.
:'''Jake Malloy''': She's dead?
:'''Robinavitch: Her heart was damaged beyond repair. There was nothing that we could do to save her. And I don't know how many people I've helped today, but I can tell you every other person who has died. There was a man named Mr. Spencer, who died in front of his children, and an 18-year-old who who was brain dead from a fentanyl overdose and a guy with a heart condition and a little girl who drowned trying to save her sister. ''[sobbing]'' And I'm gonna remember Leah long after you've forgotten her.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mohan''': What are you doing?
:'''Langdon''': Giving this guy a chance. He needs a big central line for fast transfusion.
:'''Mohan'': You can't do an IJ without an ultrasound, especially on a guy this big.
:'''Mateo Diaz''': You'll kill him if you collapse a lung or hit the carotid.
:'''Langdon''': I'm not doing an IJ. Unhook that blood line. Bring it up here. This is a supraclavicular [[w:Subclavian artery|subclavian]]. If you have to go in blind, this is the only safe way to access a giant vein. And hold compressions. A centimeter from the lateral head of the [[w:Sternocleidomastoid muscle|sternocleidomastoid]], a centimeter off the clavicle, aiming at the contralateral nipple. I'm in. Okay, resume compressions. And squeeze blood.
:'''Mohan''': Where'd you learn that?
:'''Langdon''': &quot;EM: RAP&quot; podcast. We'll be ready for a second unit in under a minute. Boom.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Whitaker''': What are you doing?
:'''Santos''': Prepping for [[w:Resuscitative endovascular balloon occlusion of the aorta|REBOA]].
:'''Whitaker''': Are you crazy? Did Abbot approve this?
:'''Santos''': He said, do what you have to do. Attendings are all tied up. If I can blow up a balloon in the aorta, it'll stop the bleeding.
:'''Whitaker''': It'll cut off the blood supply to half her body.
:'''Santos''': I'll only go in a few inches, zone three, below the kidneys, until she gets up to the OR. Glove up, Huckleberry.
:'''Whitaker''': Okay, you're gonna need an ultrasound, X-ray.
:'''Santos''': Not today.
:'''Whitaker''': Have you done this before?
:'''Santos''': It's a central line. I just need to hit the femoral artery like that. Piece of cake. All right, guidewire, then introducer sheath.

=== ''8:00 P.M.'' [1.14] ===
:'''Robinavitch''': I just wanted to say thank you for earlier when I was, um
:'''Whitaker''': Oh, your brief moment of silent reflection?
:'''Robinavitch''': Yeah. You didn't mention that to anybody?
:'''Whitaker''': No, no. God, no. No.
:'''Robinavitch''': I don't know what that was. I was just felt like I was drowning.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Whitaker''': What was that you were reciting?
:'''Robinavitch''': It's called the ''[[w:Shema|Shema]]'' prayer. It's a declaration of faith in God. I lived with my grandmother when I was little, and she and I used to recite it every morning.
:'''Whitaker''': &quot;Even youths grow tired and weary, &quot;and young men stumble and fall. &quot;But those who hold hope in the Lord &quot;will renew their strength and soar on wings like eagles.&quot; It's [[Isaiah]] 40. I was an undergrad theology major.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Abbot''': Okay, nipples to navel is no man's land. If he got shot while exhaling, the bullet possibly passed below the diaphragm.

=== ''9:00 P.M.'' [1.15] ===
:'''Dr. Walsh''': Once I'm through the fascia, you're gonna sweep a finger around the bladder, open up the [[w:Retropubic space|space of Retzius]].
:'''Dr. Shen''': Named after [[w:Anders Retzius|Anders Retzius]], 19th-century Swedish professor of anatomy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Abbot''': Deaver [[w:Retractor (medicine)|retractor]].
:'''Dr. Walsh''': Named for [[w:John Blair Deaver|John Blair Deaver]], Philadelphia surgeon who revolutionized abdominal surgery in the early 1900s.
:'''Abbot''': I'm surrounded by med nerds.
:'''Dr. Walsh''': I went to med school at Penn. I walked by his portrait every day. Dude did, like, 100,000 surgeries.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Santos''': I know [[w:Krav Maga|Krav Maga]].
:'''Whitaker''': Cool. I don't know who that is, but he sounds very protective of you.
:'''Santos''': The chances of this working are diminishing by the second. I'm just fucking with you, Whitaker. You're such a Huckleberry.

== Season 2 ==
=== ''7:00 A.M.'' [2.01] ===
:'''Whitaker''': One of the things we like to do here, when we have the time, is to take a moment of silence when we lose a patient to respect their humanity. He was someone's son, perhaps a father himself, a brother or friend. Oh, make sure your phones are on silent.

=== ''8:00 A.M.'' [2.02] ===
:'''Al-Hashimi''': This should be done in the O.R.
:'''Garcia''': I ''am'' the O.R.!

=== ''8:00 P.M.'' [2.14] ===
:'''Duke''':  I can see why you liked restoring this bike. You're a fixer. I fix bikes, but you fix people. That's pretty damn impressive, man.
:'''Robinavitch''': Some people can't be fixed.
:'''Duke''': Look, I'm-- I've done plenty of things I'm not proud of.
:'''Robinavitch''': Yeah, me too.
:'''Duke''': No, bad things-- hurt people on purpose, hurt myself. And I did my time, but that doesn't wash away the regret. I... wish I'd done things differently. I think about it every day.
:'''Robinavitch''': You know, they say that it's never too late to change.
:'''Duke''': Some things can't be changed, like death. Death can't be changed.
:'''Robinavitch''': Hey, I know the surgery is scary--
:'''Duke''': I'm not talking about me.
:'''Robinavitch''': Yeah, I don't know if I wanna be here anymore.
:'''Duke''': I don't know how you stand 12 minutes in there, let alone 12 hours, 20 years.
:'''Robinavitch''': No. That's the only place I can be. I have purpose in there. I can be distracted in there. I don't know that I wanna be... anywhere anymore.
:'''Duke''': So what's the plan?
:'''Robinavitch''': Ride.
:'''Duke''': Toward what?
:'''Robinavitch''': I don't know.
:'''Duke''': Away from what?
:'''Robinavitch''': Everything.
:'''Duke''': Well, that's not riding. That's running. Is that your final lesson for these kids?

=== ''9:00 P.M.'' [2.15] ===
:'''Langdon''': You know who I saw in rehab? I saw a bunch of guys just like you. The only difference is, they've accepted that they need help. I think you're afraid to admit the mighty Dr. Robinavitch isn't perfect.
:'''Robinavitch''': I never claimed to be perfect.
:'''Langdon''': No, but you expect it of yourself and it's not realistic, man. How can any of us live up to your standards if you can't even do it? You need help, Robby. You need help.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Abbott''': You want to know why I never killed myself. After what I saw, lived through. Losing my leg, losing... my wife. Because ''it'' comes for all of us man. You and I know it more than most. We see it every shift, but we can't let ourselves succumb to it. Yes, life can suck. It can be unbearable and-and-and brutal and ugly and heartbreaking; but it's also beautiful, and hilarious and that woman today, her baby, they both be in the morgue if you hadn't been here. That's us. That's you and me. That's what we're here for.  
:'''Robinavitch''': The most important things I've ever done in my life have been in this hospital. Nothing will ever matter more than what I've done in this hospital, but it is killing me. You know how they say that a part of you dies when you lose someone you love? I'm not convinced that a part of you doesn't die every time you see a fellow human pass. And I've seen so many people die that I feel like it's leaching something from my soul.
:'''Abbott''': Go on a cruise man. Knock off this helmet-less motorcycle shit. Ya, people talk. That's death wish behavior. 
:'''Robinavitch''': I'm tired of being a role model. Tired of feeling like you can't get ahead. Tired of feeling like I'm drowning every day. Tired of all of it. 
:'''Abbott''': You need to get away for a while. You need to get some help. You need this place as much as it needs you.
:'''Robinavitch''': Am I fucked up?
:'''Abbott''': 100 percent. But nobody works here as long as you and me and doesn't get screwed up. You've gotta find somebody to help you dance through the darkness.
:'''Robinavitch''': ''[pause]'' Did you just make that up?
:'''Abbott''': Maybe it's a song lyric. I don't know. Maybe my therapist said it. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Robinavitch''': ''[to Baby Jane Doe]'' You got off to kind of a rough start, didn't you, little one? Well, that makes two of us. I got abandoned, too. When I was eight. but I got through all of that, and so will you. I got a good feeling that you're gonna be just fine. Everything's gonna be just fine. You got so many wonderful things to see, and so many people to love ahead of you. So many wonderful things to see, people to love ahead of you.

== Cast ==
* [[w:Noah Wyle|Noah Wyle]] - Dr. [[w:Michael &quot;Robby&quot; Robinavitch|Michael &quot;Robby&quot; Robinavitch]]
* [[w:Tracy Ifeachor|Tracy Ifeachor]] - Dr. Heather Collins (season 1)
* [[w:Patrick Ball (actor)|Patrick Ball]] - Dr. Frank Langdon 
* [[w:Katherine LaNasa|Katherine LaNasa]] - [[w:Dana Evans (The Pitt)|Dana Evans]]
* [[w:Supriya Ganesh|Supriya Ganesh]] - Dr. Samira Mohan
* [[Fiona Dourif]] - Dr. Cassie McKay
* [[w:Taylor Dearden|Taylor Dearden]] - Dr. Melissa &quot;Mel&quot; King
* [[w:Isa Briones|Isa Briones]] - Dr. Trinity Santos
* [[w:Gerran Howell|Gerran Howell]] - [[w:Dennis Whitaker|Dennis Whitaker]]
* [[w:Shabana Azeez|Shabana Azeez]] - Victoria Javadi
* [[w:Sepideh Moafi|Sepideh Moafi]] - Dr. Baran Al-Hashimi (season 2)
* [[w:Shawn Hatosy|Shawn Hatosy]] - Dr. Jack Abbot
* [[w:Kristin Villanueva|Kristin Villanueva]] - Princess Dela Cruz
* Amielynn Abellera - Perlah Alawi
* [[w:Alexandra Metz|Alexandra Metz]] - Dr. Yolanda Garcia

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}} 
* {{imdb title|31938062|The Pitt}}
* [https://www.max.com/shows/pitt-2024/e6e7bad9-d48d-4434-b334-7c651ffc4bdf ''The Pitt''] on [[w:HBO Max|HBO Max]]

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[[File:The Pitt Max series logo.png|thumb]]
'''''[[w:The Pitt|The Pitt]]''''' (2025–) is an American [[w:medical drama|medical]] [[w:procedural drama|procedural drama]] television series created by [[w:R. Scott Gemmill|R. Scott Gemmill]], and executive produced by [[w:John Wells (filmmaker)|John Wells]] and [[w:Noah Wyle|Noah Wyle]]. It is about the daily lives of healthcare professionals in a Pittsburgh hospital as they juggle personal crises, workplace politics, and the emotional toll of treating critically ill patients, revealing the resilience required in their noble calling.

== Season 1 ==
=== ''7:00 A.M.'' [1.01] ===
:''[Robby introduces his newest group of medical students and interns to the key players of his emergency department day shift]''
:'''Dr. Michael &quot;Robby&quot; Robinavitch''': Actually, this is the most important person that you're gonna meet today. This is Dana. She's our charge nurse. She is the ringleader of our circus. Do what she says, when she says it. As you can see, our house is always packed, and our department is mostly clogged up with boarders. Those are admitted patients waiting for a room upstairs, sometimes for days. Beds are a very precious commodity around here, so please be quick and efficient with your workups. What else? We treat the sicker patients back here, but please keep your eye on that waiting room. Make sure nobody's gonna die out there. Your senior residents are Dr. Collins and Dr. Langdon. You report to them, and they report to me. Senior residents, you got your sign-outs?
:'''Dr. Heather Collins''': Yep.
:'''Dr. Frank Langdon''': Yep.
:'''Robby''': OK. Let's do this.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dr. Cassie McKay''': Patients, they check in for registration here. A nurse eyeballs them, makes sure they're not dying. If not, they're moved to one of two triage rooms for vitals and a quick chair exam where you can order your labs and your X-rays. And then they come back to Waiting room, until a bed opens up.
:'''MS3 Victoria Javadi''': For how long?
:'''McKay''': Eight hours, if they're lucky. A lot of times, 12.
:'''MS4 Dennis Whitaker''': Uh, is it always this busy?
:'''McKay''': Uh, no. It gets a lot busier.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Gloria Underwood''': We need to talk about your numbers.
:'''Robby''': Of people we've saved?
:'''Gloria''': Metrics.
:'''Robby''': Our door-to-balloon times beat federal standards.
:'''Gloria''': I'm talking about Press Ganey scores. Patient satisfaction.
:'''Robby''': If they're still alive, they should be satisfied.
:'''Gloria''': Our goal is 36% very satisfied with their care. Your department is at 8%. Do you know how likely patients are to recommend this hospital?
:'''Robby''': This is an emergency department, not a Taco Bell.
:'''Gloria''': 11%.
:'''Robby''': Well, if you want people to be happier, don't make 'em wait for 12 hours.
:'''Gloria''': There's a nursing shortage across the country.
:'''Robby''': Most of our patients are boarders who are waiting for a bed upstairs.
:'''Gloria''': We don't have the beds.
:'''Robby''': That's bullshit. The beds are up there. You just don't want to hire the staff you need to care for them.
:'''Gloria''': Like I said, there's a nursing shortage.
:'''Robby''': Well, if you paid them a living wage, they'd be lining up to work here.
:'''Gloria''': Our budget can't support that.
:'''Robby''': ''[laughs]'' Here's a dirty little secret. The hospital saves money keeping patients down here in the Pitt. It's way cheaper than staffing upstairs.
:'''Gloria''': I have asked you repeatedly to stop referring to the emergency department as the Pitt. It is derogatory and incompatible to the institution's image.
:'''Robby''': You know what's incompatible with the institution's image? Me speaking to the media about people who code in our waiting rooms and people who get shitty care in our hallways waiting for an ICU bed for days.
:'''Gloria''': I've heard about doctors who have tried that and find themselves out of work.
:'''Robby''': Uh-huh.
:'''Gloria''': I know today is difficult for you.
:'''Robby''': Every day is difficult down here.
:'''Gloria''': Boarding is a nationwide problem. Your predecessor, Adamson, sure as hell knew that. Or wasn't that something he taught you?
:'''Robby''': Fuck. Wow. Really?
:'''Gloria''': Yes, really. Other hospitals are managing this crisis much more effectively. So, you can either step up your game, or you can step aside.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Otis Williams''': Am I gonna be OK?
:'''McKay''': Yeah. You just need to take it easy on yourself. Muscle breakdown and [[w:myoglobin|myoglobin]] damaged your kidneys.
:'''Otis Williams''': Why'd you shock my heart?
:'''McKay''': When your kidneys don't work, potassium builds up and messes with the electrical activity in your heart.
:'''Otis Williams''': Can it happen again?
:'''McKay''': We gave you medicine to lower your potassium, and you'll need dialysis to clear it all out.
:'''Otis Williams''': Then I'll be OK?
:'''McKay''': Yeah. You might need a week or two for your kidneys to recover, but yeah. You really need to hydrate like crazy before and after a triathlon.
:'''Otis Williams''': Trust me, I won't let this happen again.
:'''McKay''': Good. Be kind to yourself.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Robby''': One of the things we do here is to take a moment of silence when we lose a patient, to respect their humanity. And also to remember that this was somebody's child, or sibling, or parent, or friend.

=== ''8:00 A.M.'' [1.02] ===
:'''Gloria''': Is it true? ...
:'''Robinavitch''': You have to be more specific.
:'''Gloria''': Are there rats in the ED?
:'''Robinavitch''': Apparently, if somebody already snitched!
:'''Gloria''': Do you know how bad this looks? One more reason to shutter this place. Only the emergency department admits rats.
:'''Robinavitch''': Emergency department would never admit rats, unless they had the right insurance.
:'''Gloria''': Did you catch any of them?
:'''Robinavitch''': One, and I charged him for a full visit.
:'''Gloria''': I'm glad you think this is funny.
:'''Robinavitch''': I'm sorry that you don't.
:'''Gloria''': Did you call an exterminator?
:'''Robinavitch''': He's waiting on a second opinion.
:'''Gloria''': ''[chuckles]'' You're pushing your luck today.
:'''Robinavitch''': Don't worry. Last I heard, they were headed for the cafeteria, so they should be dead within the hour.
:'''Gloria''': OK.
:'''Robinavitch''': I'll be here all week.
:'''Gloria''': Or maybe not.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dana''': What's wrong with kids these days?
:'''Robinavitch''': Uh, you mean besides social media and the worldwide pandemic and the environmental crisis?
:'''Dana''': Yeah, yeah, yeah.
:'''Robinavitch''': And gun violence?
:'''Dana''': You're a fucking fountain of hope today, aren't you?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Robinavitch''': I got to go tell those parents their 18-year-old son is brain-dead.
:'''Collins''': Want me to come with you?
:'''Robinavitch''': No, It's OK.
:'''Collins''': What are you going to say?
:'''Robinavitch''': I'm going to say that it's likely, but we still need to do an [[w:apnea|apnea]] test and a [[w:Cerebral perfusion pressure|cerebral perfusion]] study.
:'''Collins''': There's no cranial nerve activity.
:'''Robinavitch''': Those people need some hope.
:'''Collins''': False hope.
:'''Robinavitch''': Hope is hope.
:'''Collins''': Is it? What, are we praying for miracles today?
:'''Robinavitch''': They need time to process before they can accept what's happening.
:'''Collins''': You ever consider taking that advice? Physician, heal thyself.
:'''Robinavitch''': Don't you have patients?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Robinavitch''': Why did you order the EKG?
:'''Whitaker''': The nurse suggested it to rule out any cardiac issues.
:'''Robinavitch''': Well, good call on both your parts. Nurses know what they're doing. Never hesitate to listen to them.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King''': Because your son tested positive for [[w:Tetrahydrocannabinol|THC]], the psychoactive ingredient in cannabis, we're going to have to admit him for overnight observation and monitoring.
:'''Amanda Jones''': And what about his brain? Is there a chance that much pot is going to do some damage? He's only four.
:'''Langdon''': The honest answer is we don't know. There haven't been any long-term studies, but the fact that this is a one-time occurrence suggests that there should be no long-term effects.
:'''Amanda Jones''': But you don't know. So my son could end up with learning disabilities, psychiatric problems, or even autism because of this.
:'''King''': There's no evidence to suggest any of that.
:'''Kiara Alfaro''': Hello. I'm Kiara Alfaro. I'm the department social worker.
:'''Langdon''': Kiara will help you navigate the next steps.
:'''Amanda Jones''': What steps?
:'''King''': Well, a case like this requires mandatory reporting to child services and sometimes law enforcement.
:'''Amanda Jones''': No.
:'''Drew Jones''': Why why do you have to involve the police?
:'''King''': It's a controlled substance.
:'''Amanda Jones''': They're not taking my kid away.
:'''Drew Jones''': They were pot gummies.
:'''Kiara Alfaro''': No one's suggesting that.
:'''Amanda Jones''': Well, fuck your suggestions! No one is touching my child! In fact, we're leaving.
:'''Langdon''': Well no, you can't take your son. He could stop breathing. He could have a seizure.
:'''Amanda Jones''': I will observe him at home.
:'''Drew Jones''': Amanda, please.
:'''Amanda Jones''': Fuck off, Drew.
:'''Langdon''': Get security. If you can't cooperate, I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
:'''Drew Jones''': Amanda, please. He needs to stay here.
:'''Amanda Jones''': And you need to get a fucking hotel.
:'''Langdon''': Your son can't leave the hospital, but I can have you removed.
:'''Amanda Jones''': Don't you dare touch me. Get out! All of you!
:'''Kiara Alfaro''': Mrs. Jones, I know this is scary and stressful.
:'''Amanda Jones''': Oh, fuck you! Fuck you! This is my son. My son! And nobody is touching him!
:'''Robinavitch''': ''[enters]'' Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's going on?
:'''Security Guard Olsen''': How can I help you?
:'''Amanda Jones''': By backing the fuck off!
:'''Kiara Alfaro''': Mom's worried a CYF investigation.
:'''Drew Jones''': Amanda, just calm down!
:'''Robinavitch''': OK, OK, OK, enough! This is a hospital. This isn't &quot;The Jerry Springer Show.&quot; Ma'am, nobody's trying to take your child, so why don't you stay here with him while your husband talks to our social worker outside and straightens all this out?
:'''Amanda Jones''': Well, I don't want him speaking for me and my son.
:'''Robinavitch''': Well, it is either you or him. Your son is not leaving, but you can be escorted out and even arrested if you refuse to cooperate. Nobody wants that. So you tell us. What do you want to do?
:'''Amanda Jones''': I'm staying with my son.
:'''Robinavitch''': OK, great. You do that. We all on the same page here? Thank you, Olsen. You know where to find me.You OK?
:'''Langdon''': Yeah, we got this.
:'''Robinavitch''': All good. It's all yours.

=== ''9:00 A.M.'' [1.03] ===
:'''Robinavitch''': Dr. Mohan, do you have a minute?
:'''Mohan''': Yep. Excuse me.
:'''Robinavitch''': Is there a problem over there?
:'''Mohan''': No, her pain is well controlled.
:'''Robinavitch''': You understand that's my polite way of asking why are you spending so much time with one patient? You're an R3. As an R3, you should be seeing at least two patients an hour.
:'''Mohan''': I have two, Joyce and Mr. Wallace, our Good Samaritan.
:'''Robinavitch''': Who's comatose and stable. You should have four by now.
:'''Mohan''': I have the highest patient satisfaction of anyone.
:'''Robinavitch''': I don't doubt it, but we just had this conversation a couple of hours ago.
:'''Mohan''': I know people call me Slow-Mo. You don't have to confirm or deny. It used to hurt my feelings a lot, but I can't help it. I work at the speed I'm comfortable at.
:'''Robinavitch''': Because you're afraid of making a mistake?
:'''Mohan''': I'm always afraid of making a mistake. Aren't you?
:'''Robinavitch''': Yeah, of course I am. But you know what I mean. You make a mistake once, and somebody dies, and you feel so badly about it, you'll never let it happen again
:'''Mohan''': How is that wrong?
:'''Robinavitch''': Because you waste time and money on unnecessary tests. You keep sick patients waiting too long. You miss out on cases you could be learning from. You shortchange your own education. I'm not saying this to be a hard-ass. I'm saying this because I know you could do this, but you need to do it at a level I also know you're capable of.
:'''Mohan''': And what if I'm not?
:'''Robinavitch''': Then you should look into a specialty that better suits you. Have you thought about psychiatry?
:'''Mohan''': I don't want to go into psychiatry. I want to be here.
:'''Robinavitch''': Being here means no matter how good you are or how hard you try, you're gonna make another mistake, and someone else might even die. That's called being an emergency medicine doctor. And if you can't accept that, then maybe this isn't the place for you.
:'''Mohan''': I can accept that.
:'''Robinavitch''': You sure?
:'''Mohan''': Yes.
:'''Robinavitch''': OK, good. Go save some lives. Clear some beds while you're at it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Robinavitch''': Mr. Gellin, you're having a very big heart attack right now. Major artery that carries oxygen to your heart is almost totally blocked.
:'''Mr. Gellin''': That doesn't sound too good.
:'''Robinavitch''': No, it's not very good. We're gonna send you up to the cath lab. A cardiologist is gonna unblock that with a balloon and leave it open with a stent.
:'''Mr. Gellin''': But I'm still having a heart attack?
:'''Robinavitch''': If everything goes as planned, it'll be like you never had a heart attack. We're gonna put a catheter in this artery right here. We're gonna shave the hair with a clipper.
:'''Mr. Gellin''': Long as you stop short of a Brazilian.
:'''Robinavitch''': It's an option we offer. Costs a little bit more. A lot of people's insurance won't cover it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Robinavitch''': How's she doing?
:'''Kiara Alfaro''': She's worried sick about her son. What are you going to do?
:'''Robinavitch''': I thought he would come back after mom called him. Hey, what are the ethics about me reaching out to him under the guise of a medical emergency with mom?
:'''Kiara Alfaro''': If he's a danger to himself or others, I'd argue you have a professional responsibility to do whatever is necessary.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Helen Spencer''': He keeps trying to pull away.
:'''Robinavitch''': We're giving him some more sedation.
:'''Jereme''': Why is he so agitated?
:'''Robinavitch''': He could have some awareness of the tube in his throat or that he's in a strange place, or it could be lack of oxygen to his brain.
:'''Helen Spencer''': Does he need more oxygen?
:'''Robinavitch''': He's on 100%. That's as high as it goes. ''[vitals monitor beeps loudly]'' That is his blood pressure dropping.
:'''Jereme''': Oh, is that even fixable?
:'''Robinavitch''': Normally, yes, with IV fluids, but we now know that that will just fill up his lungs, drop his oxygen even more.
:'''Helen Spencer''': Well, isn't there something else we can do?
:'''Robinavitch''': We can place a long, large IV catheter in his jugular vein down into his heart and administer [[w:Norepinephrine (medication)|Levophed]], which is a very powerful medicine to constrict his arteries, raise his blood pressure. But that could cause other organ damage, organ failure. I'm really sorry, but each new step is even more invasive, could cause more suffering with minimal benefit.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Collins''': Confidence and ambition are great attributes, especially when paired with respect and humility.

=== ''10:00 A.M.'' [1.04] ===
:'''Robinavitch''': I had a teacher, mentor, who told me about a Hawaiian ritual called ''[[w:Hoʻoponopono|Hoʻoponopono]]'', or &quot;the four things that matter most.&quot; It's basically just a few key things that we can say when we're saying goodbye to a loved one that can really help at the early stages of loss.
:'''Jereme''': What are they?
:'''Robinavitch''': They're gonna sound really simple, but I swear I've seen them work.
:'''Jereme''': Okay.
:'''Robinavitch''': I love you. Thank you. I forgive you. Please forgive me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mohan''': Distraction is a terrible strategy. When a patient says, &quot;I'm hurting,&quot; we don't respond, &quot;What's your major?&quot;
:'''Santos''': Oh, I wasn't trying to diminish
:'''Mohan''': Additionally, &quot;I&quot; statements work better than &quot;you&quot; statements. &quot;I can see how painful this is&quot; acknowledges the reality of the situation and invites further examination. &quot;You need to move on&quot; has the opposite effect.
:'''Santos''': Understood, but in my personal experience...
:'''Mohan''': Your personal experience isn't germane here. We bring our education to the job, not our baggage.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Robinavitch''': It's good that your families live close. This becomes a primary relationship now. You're the last witnesses to each other's lives. You hold the memories.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Robinavitch''': But I've got four days off next week. I think I'm gonna get out of Dodge and head for the hills.
:'''Dana''': I wish you would. What'd [[Shakespeare]] say &quot;Physician, heal thyself&quot;?
:'''Robinavitch''': What? Have you been talking to Collins? Not Shakespeare. Luke, the disciple, who probably heard it from Paul the Apostle. But what do I know? I'm Jewish. It's not my book. Shakespeare had nothing to do with it, though.
:'''Dana''': Yeah. Maybe a little time off would be good.

=== ''11:00 A.M.'' [1.05] ===
:'''Dana''': Don't mind Myrna. She's harmless.
:'''Whitaker''': She's handcuffed!
:'''Dana''': That's why she's harmless.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Langdon''': A little advice, man-to-man: always compliment her outfit, hold her hand in front of your friends, and always wrap it before you tap it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Doug Driscoll''': Excuse me. Excuse me. I've been here for over five hours, okay, way longer than that chick. Can you check the list? Driscoll? Doug Driscoll.
:'''Javadi''': E-everybody is seen as quickly as possible and in order of medical care needed.
:'''Doug Driscoll''': Unless they die waiting.
:'''McKay''': Would you look at that, Mr. Driscoll? It's actually time to bring you back.
:'''Doug Driscoll''': Thank God.
:'''McKay''': Would you take care of Mr. Driscoll?
:'''Javadi''': Yeah, absolutely.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Donnie Donahue''': What can I do you for?
:'''Santos''': Hypothetical question would you ever go over a resident's head to the attending?
:'''Donnie Donahue''': Hypothetically, I wouldn't recommend it unless it's a behavioral issue or harassment. And in that case, you can make a confidential report to HR.
:'''Santos''': What if it's more patient care related?
:'''Donnie Donahue''': Depends. If it's something minor, leave it alone. If it's something that endangers the patient, then definitely yes. Pick your battles. You don't want to be the intern who cried wolf.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Javadi''': Has Kiara been here yet?
:'''Sherry Davis''': No, who's Kiara?
:'''Javadi''': Oh, she's the hospital social worker. She can help you out with, like, housing and childcare - and food and security
:'''Sherry Davis''': ''[to Dr. McKay]'' You told her?
:'''McKay''': No, I-I...
:'''Javadi''': No, no, it's all free. The system works if you use it. You just have to...
:'''McKay''': Enough!
:'''Sherry Davis''': I don't need your help. Nice speech. Next time, mind your own business.
:''[McKay pulls Javadi to the hall]''
:'''McKay''': You ever heard of impact over intent?
:'''Javadi''': I would never intentionally embarrass anybody.
:'''McKay''': But you did. You didn't have a conversation with Sherry or ask her what she needed. Instead, you walked in here and told her what to do. You gotta slow down, take a beat, and listen instead of judging people. Look, maybe I have a better perspective because I've been on both sides, but we gotta try to at least put ourselves in their shoes. Listening and building trust will make us better doctors and better people.
:'''Javadi''': Um, I'm sorry.
:'''McKay''': I'm not telling you this to reprimand you. I'm trying to teach you to help you.

=== ''12:00 P.M.'' [1.06] ===
:'''Mohan''': Aren't board rounds at 2:00?
:'''Robinavitch''': These aren't board rounds. I just want to remind you all of a few things, OK? So we do a great job coming up with the right diagnosis and treatment plan for our patients, but there are still some opportunities for improvement.
:'''Langdon''': Not this bullshit again.
:'''Robinavitch''': First off, always sit down at the bedside of a stable patient. It will make you a better doctor. Second, if there's a discharge to be done, do it before you pick up a new patient. The patients are very aware of the time that they spend with us, so please don't keep them here any longer than they need to be.
:'''McKay''': They complain about the wait.
:'''Robinavitch''': I get it, but for the sake of efficiency and running smoothly on our end and opening up beds and opening up rooms, let's discharge before we start with somebody new, OK? Thank you. Lastly, in your medical records, make sure that your decision-making and your notes reflect not just the diagnosis but all the thought that you put into ruling out all the critical illnesses in the differential.
:'''Langdon''': More work? I do enough charting as it is.
:'''Collins''': The hospital won't admit this, but it's less about charting and more about profit.
:'''Robinavitch''': OK? Good. That's it. Goodbye. Go.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Robinavitch''': ''[about Dr. Mohan]'' Hi, how's she doing?
:'''Dana''': Better. Faster.
:'''Robinavitch''': Still need ten more of her.
:'''Dana''': Never thought I'd see the day where you'd wish for more Samiras.
:'''Robinavitch''': You can blame Gloria for that. If I don't get patient satisfaction scores up around here, they're bringing in an outside management company to run things.
:'''Dana''': Mother of God. Really?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Gloria''': Dr. Robinavitch.
:'''Robinavitch''': Gloria.
:'''Gloria''': This is Dr. Tracy Morris, regional manager of ECQ America.
:'''Robinavitch''': The contract management group.
:'''Morris''': It's a pleasure to meet you.
:'''Robinavitch''': Likewise. But if you'll excuse me, I'm a little slammed, as per usual.
:'''Gloria''': We were upstairs with the executive team going over a proposal.
:'''Robinavitch''': A proposal?
:'''Gloria''': Mm-hmm.
:'''Morris''': We're interested in having your emergency department join us.
:'''Robinavitch''': The 500 or so ERs you have aren't enough?
:'''Morris''': What can I say? Business is good.
:'''Robinavitch''': Yeah, for who?
:'''Morris''': Everyone benefits.
:'''Robinavitch''': Do they, though? Your contract management's corporate mandate is profits for shareholders above everything else, yes?
:'''Gloria''': Robby.
:'''Robinavitch''': Dah-dah-dah.
:'''Morris''': Your hospital's board was very impressed with ECQ's metrics on patient satisfaction, throughput time, and billing collections.
:'''Robinavitch''': Does your proposal include the part where you cut the pay for all my doctors?
:'''Morris''': Maybe I can find an incentive for you. How does regional medical director sound? Lighter workload, better benefits, stock options.
:'''Robinavitch''': Did you go to business school or medical school?
:'''Morris''': Both. We look forward to your decision.
:'''Gloria''': Of course.
:'''Morris''': Hopefully we'll get a chance to work together soon, Dr. Robinavitch.
:''[Dr. Morris leaves]''
:'''Robinavitch''': I can't believe you're seriously considering this.
:'''Gloria''': Bottom line is, our current numbers aren't good, and theirs are.
:'''Robinavitch''': Just because their dashboard is pretty doesn't mean it's good for patients.
:'''Gloria''': If you want to keep this ED, improve metrics. There's a lot of OFI. Opportunities for improvement.
:'''Robinavitch''': Well, you could have just said that.
:'''Gloria''': I need you to care about patient-satisfaction scores.
:'''Robinavitch''': I would love nothing more. But right now, the average wait time is six hours, and that's before you see a doctor. You need to hire more staff so we can open more inpatient beds. Are you prepared to do that?
:'''Gloria''': I need you to improve scores with the resources we have, or we will explore what ECQ has to offer.
:'''Robinavitch''': This is bullshit. You know this is bullshit. And if you don't, then we are all in trouble.
:'''Gloria''': Maybe you need some time off.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Collins''': OK, you're gonna pretend you're a pirate with your foot on a keg of rum.
:'''Javadi''': Are you serious?
:'''Collins''': Yep. This is the Captain Morgan technique for hip reduction.
:'''Javadi''': Who's Captain Morgan?
:''[Doctor Robby chuckles]''
:'''Langdon''': The guy on the rum bottle?
:'''Collins''': I'll stabilize the pelvis.
:'''Langdon''': OK, you're gonna step up here.
:'''Javadi''': Actually, let me just...sorry.
:'''Langdon''': Yeah, and you are gonna put your right leg behind his knee.
:'''Javadi''': Like this?
:'''Langdon''': Yeah. And you are gonna use your leg as a hinge to put anterior force on his femur.
:'''Robinavitch''': Physics.
:'''Collins''': Push down on the lower leg with your left hand.
:'''Langdon''': You got this. Put your back into it. The hip is a big joint with lots of muscle stabilizing it.
:'''Javadi''': Yeah! OK.
:'''Robinavitch''': Whoa!
:'''Javadi''': Oh, shit... I mean, shoot.
:'''Collins''': And that is what a hip reduction feels like.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Langdon''': [[w:Neurocysticercosis|Neurocysticercosis]], a parasite in your brain.
:'''Joseph Marino''': I thought I just had a migraine, but I have bugs in my head?
:'''Langdon''': Well, not exactly. You had larva from a pork tapeworm that made multiple cysts, but they're all dead now.
:'''Joseph Marino''': A worm? In my fucking head? Are you kidding me?
:'''Langdon''': No, no, you don't have a worm in your head.
:'''Joseph Marino''': You just said that I have...
:'''Langdon''': I said you ''had'' a worm in your head, but it's dead and long gone. What we're seeing on the CT is scarring around those dead cysts.
:'''Joseph Marino''': Like dead worm eggs?
:'''Langdon''': Larvae.
:'''Joseph Marino''': Is my brain like Swiss cheese? Am I dying?
:'''Langdon''': No, no, you're not dying. Joseph, you're gonna be OK. The cysts are tiny, and they're calcified over. There'll be no further damage.
:'''Joseph Marino''': Can you fix it?
:'''Langdon''': Unfortunately, no. The  little calcified spots will stay there.
:'''Joseph Marino''': So there's gonna be a worm graveyard in my brain forever?
:'''Langdon''': Yeah, but they're resting in peace.

=== ''1:00 P.M.'' [1.07] ===
:'''Robinavitch''': Patients come in already in distress, and waiting only makes it worse.
:'''Gloria''': Wait time has nothing to do with this.
:'''Robinavitch''': Which is why we're seeing hospital workers like Dr. Collins get assaulted.
:'''Gloria''': Assaulted?
:'''Collins''': It was a little push.
:'''Robinavitch''': Which we're gonna take seriously. We risk our lives coming to work here every day. What if that mother had brought a weapon?
:'''Gloria''': We have metal detectors.
:'''Robinavitch''': This is what happens when you keep all the hospital admissions stuck down here instead of properly staffing upstairs. I've got four patients waiting on ICU that have been here since before I got here, and it's already 1:00.
:'''Gloria''': I can see that you're... 
:'''Robinavitch''': We've got four more waiting on psych. One of them's been here for a fucking week. So please, for the love of God, hire more nurses.
:'''Gloria''': I'll come back later.
:'''Robinavitch''': That's not gonna help anything.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Terrance''': I [[w:Eversion|everted]] my ankle playing table tennis.
:'''Langdon''': Everted?
:'''Terrance''': Yes.
:'''Langdon''': You mind if I take a look?
:'''Terrance''': Are you an orthopedic surgeon?
:'''Langdon''': No. I am an emergency medicine specialist.
:'''Terrance''': Could I talk to an orthopedic surgeon? I'd prefer an expert in that area.
:'''Langdon''': Well, I'm pretty good at ankle sprains.
:'''Terrance''': How do you know it's a sprain?
:'''Langdon''': Well, I'd have to examine you first, but...
:'''Terrance''': Could it be a [[w:Jones fracture|Jones fracture]] or a [[w:Avulsion_fracture#Tuberosity_avulsion|dancer's fracture]]?
:'''Langdon''': Could be. Again, I'd have to look. Why don't I examine you, and that'll tell me.
:'''Terrance''': Shouldn't you take a complete history on the present illness first?
:'''Langdon''': It sounds like you're more interested in asking the questions, so...
:'''Terrance''': You didn't ask me if I felt a pop or a snap. You didn't ask about previous injuries. You didn't ask about weight bearing.
:'''Langdon''': Why don't I get you some fresh ice?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kristi Wheeler''': Where is she?
:'''Collins''': She's OK. She just needs a minute.
:'''Kristi Wheeler''': I have given her enough time. She can process this on the car ride home.
:'''Collins''': Can we talk for a moment? Please.
:'''Kristi Wheeler''': I know you're trying to help, but this is really between me and my daughter. So if you could just bring her out, we will be on our way.
:'''Collins''': She's really upset.
:'''Kristi Wheeler''': She'll get over it.
:'''Collins''': Weren't you about the same age when you got pregnant with her?
:'''Kristi Wheeler''': Yes.
:'''Collins''': So, you know how hard it can be.
:'''Kristi Wheeler''': It was very hard at the time. But she turned out to be the best thing that has ever happened to me.
:'''Collins''': And I hope she feels the same way when she's ready. But right now, she's not. For her, the world is ending. If you push her away, she might never come back.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King''': ''[turns off the lights and draws the curtain]'' The, uh, ER can be very noisy.
:'''Terrance''': I agree.
:'''King''': So, I heard that you might have sprained your ankle playing table tennis?
:'''Terrance''': I everted it.
:'''King''': Yeah? What is your biggest concern today, Terrence? What worries you the most about the pain in your ankle?
:'''Terrance''': What worries me? Do you mean right now in this moment?
:'''King''': Right now.
:'''Terrance''': I'm worried I won't be able to play table tennis if it's a bad injury. There's a tournament in six weeks, and I already registered. It's my first tournament.
:'''King''': Wow, that's a big deal.
:'''Terrance''': Yes. The championship is hosted by the South Park Table Tennis Club. Nine players have USATT ratings over 2,000. 1,400 is considered average. 2,000 is a master player. My goal is to get a rating over 2,000.
:'''King''': Well, let's get you to that tournament, then. So...
:''[Dr. Langdon enters]''
:'''King''': Terrence, would you walk around the room for me, please? I'll be able to tell a lot more about your injury.
:'''Terrance''': It hurts a little.
:'''Langdon''': How painful on a scale from 1 to 10? 10 is the worst.
:'''Terrance''': The worst? The worst I've ever felt or the worst that a human being can experience?
:'''King''': A little pain is a great answer, Terrence. Thank you. Well, based on your walking around, I don't think it's a serious injury.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King''': Sometimes this tendon called peroneus brevis can pull off a piece of this bone, the fifth metatarsal.
:'''Terrance''': That's the dancer's fracture, right?
:'''King''': Exactly. You most likely have a second-degree ankle sprain. The X-ray will tell us everything. Tech will come get you, and then I'll come back and show you the images.
:'''Terrance''': Great.
:'''King''': OK... I'll put the orders in.
:''[Langdon and King leave]''
:'''Langdon''': How'd you do that?
:'''King''': Do what?
:'''Langdon''': Talk to him.
:'''King''': I listened?
:'''Langdon''': Funny. No, you unlocked something. I wasn't getting anywhere with him.
:'''King''': Oh, my sister is on the spectrum. And the ER can be a very, very overwhelming place for autistic people, so I... I don't know. It just takes a different approach.

=== ''2:00 P.M.'' [1.08] ===
:'''Willie Alexander''': Freedom House took us in and trained us for 300 hours.
:'''Robinavitch''': They turned out the very first medics in the United States.
:'''Willie Alexander''': We started IVs, defibrillated, intubated in the field.
:'''Eli Alexander''': They were the heroes of Hill District, a bunch of young Black dudes saving lives every day.
:'''Langdon''': Why'd you quit?
:'''Willie Alexander''': I didn't. The city saw how successful it was and took over the program. Trained new medics. All white.
:'''Robinavitch''': Everything that Willie and his friends did set the EMS standard for the entire country. Their program created the 911 system.
:'''Willie Alexander''': It wasn't just us. We had the best teachers. Dr. Safar invented CPR. Dr. Adamson, med student when I arrived. But I'm telling you, boy, that guy could teach like there was no tomorrow. You ever hear him give a lecture?
:'''Robinavitch''': Many times.
:'''Willie Alexander''': Every time I saved a patient, it was like he was standing right here, whispering in my ear, telling me what to do.
:'''Robinavitch''': Me too.
:'''Willie Alexander''': Yeah. Where is he working now?
:'''Robinavitch''': Dr. Adamson died a few years ago, during COVID.
:'''Willie Alexander''': Oh. Hard to believe. He was so young, so full of life. A force of nature.
:'''Robinavitch''': Yes, he was.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Willie Alexander''': That looks like [[w:ST elevation|ST elevation]]. That could be bad.
:'''Langdon''': Oh, no. That's just because we're pacing your right ventricle. Willie, I'm impressed. After all these years, you still remember your medical training.
:'''Eli Alexander''': He couldn't tell you what he had for breakfast.
:'''Willie Alexander''': ''[scoffs]'' It's all right. I remember what's important. Like the Freedom House.
:'''Princess''': What's that?
:'''Willie Alexander''': A damn shame. That's your history.
:'''Eli Alexander''': Dad, they're busy.
:'''Willie Alexander''': Back in the '60s, no 911, no ambulances. All we had was police paddy wagons that took you to the hospital, if you were lucky. Then this doc from Pitt, Dr. Safar, he got some money and trained us up.

=== ''3:00 P.M.'' [1.09] ===
:''[Dana breaks up a fight in the waiting room]''
:'''Dana''': Jesus almighty, I can't believe what I'm seein'! Where do you people think you are? '''''This ain't Philly!''''' This is a ''hospital'', for Christ's sakes, what's the matter with you? You call yourselves adults? There are children in here! You should be ashamed of yourselves.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Wendy Atwater''': An operation?
:'''Langdon''': Well, you were just shouting a minute ago about infection, and with good reason. While I am sure you are in the clear for rabies and HIV, human mouths are filthy, some more than others.
:'''Wendy Atwater''': How can you tell if it's bad?
:'''Langdon''': Good question. Dr. K?
:'''King''': I'm sorry?
:'''Langdon''': I am going to inject some sterile saline into your knuckle joint, which you won't feel 'cause of the anesthetic. If it comes spraying back out of the bite wound, we'll know.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Langdon''': Oh, did you want me to tell the surgeons to go no masks for surgery?
:'''Wendy Atwater''': What?
:'''Langdon''': Well, those of us who save lives for a living believe strongly that masks minimize risk when it comes to spreading disease and infection. But I want to respect your beliefs, so what do you think? With or without for surgery? Without?
:'''Wendy Atwater''': Um…I want with.
:'''Langdon''': Good call.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Doug Driscoll''': I know you hear me. You can pretend you don't, but I know you do. This glass might be bulletproof, but it ain't soundproof. Huh? Hello? Can you hear me now? Huh? Hello!
:'''Dana''': Whoa. Whoa. Whoa, sir. Sir, what is the issue?
:'''Doug Driscoll''': Oh, same issue. I've been here all day, and you people have done nothing to fucking help me.
:'''Javadi''': We're still waiting on your second [[w:troponin|troponin]]. We can't clear you medically until it comes back. For instance, if it comes back elevated, that could indicate a silent heart attack. And you'd need to be admitted for monitoring in a cardiology consult.
:'''Doug Driscoll''': That's all I'm asking for. I'm afraid I've had a silent heart attack. I just want someone who knows something about hearts to tell me what's happening to me. You know, unlike most of these losers, I have insurance, good insurance. And I pay my taxes, which pays for them to not have any insurance.
:'''Dana''': Sir, you've got about five seconds to change your whole attitude before security and the police get involved.
:'''Doug Driscoll''': Fuck it. I'm leaving.
:'''Langdon''': Hey. Hey! You are absolutely free to go. But if you do, you will be leaving AMA, against medical advice. This form states that I have advised you to stay and complete your evaluation, but you are choosing to leave, understanding and accepting all risks of heart attack, stroke, disability, and death.
:'''Doug Driscoll''': Sounds like a CYA form in case I drop dead on the curb.
:'''Langdon''': That's exactly what it is.
:'''Doug Driscoll''': I just want to be treated fairly.
:'''Langdon''': I assure you that is our intention. We are not back here playing Go Fish.
:'''Dana''': We're doing our best to help some very sick people. You will be seen, OK?
:'''Langdon''': Robby's gonna love that patient satisfaction score.
:'''Lupe Perez''': Crazy people.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Robinavitch''': I hear they're gonna start you working on the Middle East peace plan. Not since the Dalai Lama or Gandhi.
:'''Dana''': They'd be fucking-A right to. You should have seen me. I was inspiring, also terrifying, and a little bit shaming.
:'''Robinavitch''': Holy Trinity of crowd control.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Collins''': Yeah, purulent drainage from the cervix. Got the culture. Oof. Looks like we have our source. The positive urine this morning was contaminated.
:'''McKay''': Maybe.
:''' Collins''': Definitely. Not-so-clean catch specimen.
:'''Robinavitch''': This infection's been brewing for a while.
:'''McKay''': So the car crash was a coincidence.
:'''Robinavitch''': Not necessarily. She was probably already septic as the disease progressed, dropped her BP, and passed out while driving.
:'''McKay''': She wasn't [[w:Hypotension|hypotensive]] when she arrived.
:'''Robinavitch''': Adrenaline rush from the car crash and the sternal fracture raised her BP but not for long.
:'''McKay''': Oh. No history of fever.
:'''Collins''': Bet she was taking Tylenol for the pain.
:'''Robinavitch''': Let's call ICU for an admit. Also want gyn to see her.
:'''McKay''': She had mild lower abdominal pain and a positive urine dip. No fever, no back pain to indicate [[w:pyelonephritis|pyelonephritis]]. She was alert, walking, talking. It just seemed like a simple [[w:Urinary tract infection|UTI]]. I saw no reason to have her wait eight hours for a bed for a pelvic exam. 
:'''Collins''': McKay. Every postpartum patient needs a pelvic exam to rule out [[w:endometritis|endometritis]].
:'''McKay''': Wait, you're saying that with 20/20 hindsight.
:'''Collins''': Did you ask about Tylenol or ibuprofen use? Because that can mask a fever.
:'''McKay''': There was no fever.
:'''Collins''': Did you do a careful abdominal exam?
:'''McKay''': It was a quick chair exam, and there was only mild tenderness over the bladder.
:'''Collins''': Perhaps there was something about the patient that made you overlook proper treatment.
:'''McKay''': Like what, other than the obvious health risk factors?
:'''Collins''': Her size doesn't inherently make her unhealthy.
:'''McKay''': Are you saying I was biased against the patient because of her weight?
:'''Collins''': I raise it as a possibility, not as an accusation.
:'''McKay''': Wow. I mean, I really don't think that's the case here, but I will look out for it. Yeah.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dana''': Excuse me, sir. You're not allowed back there.
:'''Doug Driscoll''': Unless, what, I start a fight? Become homeless? Apparently, that's what it takes.
:'''Dana''': I understand your frustration. I promise you'll be seen as soon as a provider is available.
:'''Doug Driscoll''': But how can they become available if new people keep cutting the fucking line?
:'''Dana''': There's no line. We see patients by severity of need. As soon as we have your tests and labs, you will be seen.
:'''Doug Driscoll''': This place is fucking unbelievable. Runaround after runaround. Hey. What's up, [[w:Erik Estrada|Erik Estrada]]? Still keeping your eye on me?
:'''Mateo Diaz''': Always, my friend. Always. ''[to Dana]'' Who's Erik Estrada?
:'''Dana''': Shame on you. ''[[w:CHiPs|CHiPs]]''. Know your television history.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Javadi''': It's like…my parents took me skiing in Utah for Christmas, and from the moment I got off the plane, I could not catch my breath. No matter how hard I tried, the altitude made me feel, like, awkward and uncoordinated. I couldn't concentrate, I couldn't get my bearings. And I'm a very good skier, but I spent the entire vacation just, like, on my butt, dizzy and panting.
:''[Dana half-glares at her, nudging her to get to the point]''
:'''Javadi''': ''Mateo is like a human Utah.''
:'''Dana''': ''[laughs understandingly]'' Oh honey! I've worked with a few human Utahs. I wish you many, many Utahs in your life.

=== ''4:00 P.M.'' [1.10] ===
:'''Gloria''': ''[after Dana was attacked by a patient]'' Did you fill out an incident report?
:'''Robinavitch''': I don't know, I was more concerned with her having a skull fracture than with your liability.
:'''Gloria''': How'd a guy from the waiting room get back here without anyone noticing?
:'''Robinavitch''': Wow, Gloria! What a great question. Our hard-working nurses were just asking me what steps the hospital plans to take to ensure their safety in the future. Maybe you would like to explain to them why you've denied my request for additional security measures three times in the last four months? If nurses don't feel safe, they're not gonna come to work.
:'''Gloria''': First off, the safety of all our employees is paramount.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Princess''': ''[to Gloria]'' Glad to know the authorities are looking for this psycho, but what are you gonna do to protect the rest of us?
:'''Nurse Kim Tate''': Violence against health care workers is a national problem.
:'''Donnie Donahue''': And it's only getting worse. No surprise there's a nursing shortage everywhere.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Langdon''': An intern has a problem around here, they come to the senior resident, not the attending.
:'''Santos''': He is my attending, and I wanted his input on a patient. Is that not OK with you?
:'''Langdon''': Just, um come to me first next time. Got it?
:'''Santos''': Yep.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''McKay''': Look, do I think he needed to chill out a little bit? Yes. But he's a parent, and this might be his way of coping with the stress of a very frightening situation.
:'''Javadi''': I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me.
:'''McKay''': No, I do. You and that baseball kid are two pressure cooker prodigies in a pod. Just as physicians, we gotta learn to keep our emotions in check and not let our personal experiences interfere with our professional responsibilities.
:'''Javadi''': How long did it take you to learn that?
:'''McKay''': I'm still learning. And I also learned to never get on your bad side.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Robinavitch''': So, in this ER, we all need to work together as a single unified entity. And if two people on my team can't work together, it kind of throws the rhythm of the place off.
:'''Santos''': Understood.
:'''Robinavitch''': My duty, regardless of personal relationships, is to make sure everybody on my team is doing OK. So are you doing OK?
:'''Santos''': Uh, it's not a big deal. I can handle it.
:'''Robinavitch''': Handle what?
:'''Santos''': Nothing. It it's fine. I... I don't wanna get anyone in trouble.
:'''Robinavitch''': Hmm. OK, if there is anything that could affect my ER, I need to know about it, and you have a responsibility to tell me.

=== ''5:00 P.M.'' [1.11] ===
:'''Mohan''': Remember how I said you get good at spotting the fakers?
:'''Whitaker''': Yeah.
:'''Mohan''': He's exhibiting every sign of opiate withdrawal. Eyes dilated, tearing, skin has piloerection and goosebumps. [[w:Hypertension|Hypertension]], [[w:tachycardia|tachycardia]]. Agitation, restlessness, perspiration. He's checking every box.
:'''Whitaker''': Right, but he said he doesn't take drugs and seldom drinks alcohol, so...
:'''Mohan''': That's exactly what he would want you to believe if he was drug-seeking.
:'''Whitaker''': Wow. You're good.
:'''Mohan''': Thanks. I am.
:'''Whitaker''': So how do we treat him?
:'''Mohan''': By getting him to admit his opiate usage.
:'''Whitaker''': Right. How do we do that?
:'''Mohan''': By being smarter than the patient.
:'''Whitaker''': Got it. He said he isn't an addict, so why give him an opiate agonist to treat his withdrawal symptoms?
:'''Mohan''': Because I don't believe him. And I know this will work. Then once he feels better, we can get him to admit to his addiction and treat him long-term.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Theresa Saunders''': The psychologist spoke to me about becoming a petitioner to place David on an involuntary psychiatric hold.
:'''Robinavitch''': Yes.
:'''Theresa Saunders''': But can that be anonymous?
:'''Robinavitch''': No. To call a 302 in the state of Pennsylvania, the petitioner needs to admit to having witnessed the concerning behavior, and you need a physician and a social worker to sign off, which both Kiara and I can do.
:'''Theresa Saunders''': What if I'm wrong?
:'''Robinavitch''': Then you apologize. And we will help you explain that this came from concern for his safety. What if you're right?
:'''Theresa Saunders''': But if I become a petitioner, what am I doing to my son?
:'''Robinavitch''': You are trying to get him the help that it sounds like he needs. David lost his father. That would affect anyone. But we are failing young men, because we don't teach them how to express their emotions. We just tell them to man up, and then we let them get their lessons in manhood from toxic podcasts. And these young men then feel isolated from themselves and society, and they find community and comfort in all the wrong places. David needs help. We don't want to fail him, too.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Robinavitch''': ''[about drinking]'' You ever think about quitting?
:'''Louie Cloverfield''': ''[chuckles]'' I'm not a quitter.
:'''Robinavitch''': Oh, I know you're a happy drunk today. But one day, when your liver fails and believe me, it will fail you won't be so happy. It's not a nice way to go.
:'''Louie Cloverfield''': I'm digging my own grave. Let me.
:'''Robinavitch''': I don't have to give you the shovel.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dana''': I'm already in a bad mood.
:'''Security Guard Ahmad''': I'm just getting some air.
:'''Dana''': ''[scoffs]'' Yeah, right. You're a terrible liar. Hope you're better at security.
:'''Security Guard Ahmad''': Hey, now you're just being mean.
:'''Robinavitch''': You realize that this is the second person to accuse you of that today. - You starting to see a pattern?
:'''Dana''': No. But I am starting to see why Gloria's unhappy with your patient-satisfaction scores.
:''[Robby laughs]''
:'''Dana''': You need something? Or you just here to ruin one of the few things that still brings me a little joy in life?
:'''Robinavitch''': I sent Collins home.
:'''Dana''': You don't want to work with anybody today. You must be in a mood.
:'''Robinavitch''': She's had a rough day.
:'''Dana''': It's going around.
:'''Robinavitch''': You should leave, too.
:'''Dana''': ''[chuckles]'' Yeah. You're good. You're not that good.
:...
:'''Robinavitch''': You do help. You do make a difference. One asshole doesn't get to change that.
:'''Dana''': I think I'm done. ''[sighs]'' 
:'''Robinavitch''': Yeah. I know that one. And I don't blame you. I, uh...I-I-I-I don't know. I don't know. Maybe what I want and what the patients need isn't what's best for you anymore.
:'''Dana''': Yeah.
:'''Robinavitch''': I just honestly don't know what I'm going to do without you.
:'''Dana''': You'll figure it out. You always do. You're a good man, Robinavitch. Don't let this place take that from you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Robinavitch''': How you feeling, Mr. Pugliesi?
:'''Ivan Pugliesi''': Oh, so much better. Thank you. You guys think that I could have a little bit more of that medicine, just for the few days that I'm out here? I just want to be able to walk my daughter down the aisle without shitting myself.
:'''Robinavitch''': The medication we gave you wasn't morphine. It was something called [[w:buprenorphine|buprenorphine]], or BUPE.
:'''Ivan Pugliesi''': Yeah, no, she said that. I mean, whatever you call it, Doc, it worked great.
:'''Robinavitch''': It's a medicine specifically targeted to treat opioid withdrawal. That's why it worked.
:'''Ivan Pugliesi''': Wait, I-I don't I don't understand.
:'''Robinavitch''': All indicators are that you have been using opioids. That would include pain medication like [[w:hydrocodone|hydrocodone]], [[w:oxycodone|oxycodone]].
:'''Ivan Pugliesi''': I told them I don't do drugs. Wow. You lied to me.
:'''Mohan''': I didn't lie. I said I was giving you a morphine-like drug that got rid of your cravings.
:'''Ivan Pugliesi''': Well, you know what? This is bullshit. I mean, you know, I could sue all of you. You hear me? I'm not some junkie on the street. Look, look, I-I got a family. I got a job. I make good money. I, you know, I return my shopping carts. I pay my taxes. That sound like a drug addict to you?
:'''Robinavitch''': Yes, because anybody can be an addict. You are proof of that. These pills that you were taking, they're not helping you with your pain. They are keeping you stuck in it. A lot of really good people struggle with addiction. It is a brain disease. But social environment and personal choice are also factors.
:'''Ivan Pugliesi''': I don't have a problem.
:'''Robinavitch''': The good news is that the brain is highly dynamic, as is the environment. But you need to stop now before the damage is irreparable.
:'''Ivan Pugliesi''': No, screw this hospital, okay? And screw you.
:'''Robinavitch''': Hey. Doctor Mohan -- Doctor Mohan will advise you on our proposed action plan. You can either choose to follow it or not. That is entirely up to you. I wish you luck, Mr. Pugliesi.
:'''Mohan''': We're giving you a seven-day supply of a drug called Suboxone. We can set you up with a medic...
:'''Ivan Pugliesi''': Fuck off. I'm not interested.

=== ''6:00 P.M.'' [1.12] ===
:'''Robinavitch''': There is an active shooter at PittFest. As the nearest trauma center, we are going to be getting the majority of the victims. We don't know yet how many we are getting, but we are instituting hospital-wide emergency protocols. We need to move every patient out of here. They either go home, they go upstairs, or they go to Family Medicine. Call your loved ones now if you need to. I can guarantee you cell service will soon be overwhelmed. Eat something. Stay hydrated. Use the bathroom while there's time and meet back here for a full briefing in five minutes.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[&quot;Code Triage, Emergency Department now.&quot; over Public Address system]'' 
:'''Gloria''': We're locking down the hospital and setting up a command center in Administration. We'll coordinate logistics, supplies, communication.
:'''Dana''': How many casualties?
:'''Robinavitch''': Unclear, but initial reports are not good.
:'''Dana''': OK.
:'''Robinavitch''': The night shift is gonna be here soon, but we are gonna need more help, especially from Surgery and Anesthesiology.
:'''Gloria''': [[w:Mass casualty incident|MCI]] group text and email went out to everyone, including Transport and Environmental Services.
:'''Robinavitch''': OK, good. ''[to Dana]'' Hey, everyone's gonna want to come in to help. Keep enough in reserve. Tell them to come in eight hours later to give us a break. And can you try and reach Jake?
:'''Dana''': Of course.
:'''Robinavitch''': Surgery's got to call in the cavalry. We're gonna need all 25 ORs.
:'''Gloria''': Ahead of you. Four ORs are prepped and staffed, and we're working on getting the rest up and running.
:'''Robinavitch''': What about disaster supplies?
:'''Gloria''': On their way.
:'''Robinavitch''': Every patient in the ER needs to go up. Beds or no beds, they'll get better care in an upstairs hallway than ignored down here.
:'''Gloria''': Agreed.
:'''Whitaker''': There's a whole wing that's empty on the eighth floor. I don't know if that's...
:'''Gloria''': But no nurses to staff it.
:'''Robinavitch''': No comment on that one. Waiting room and Triage can go to Family Medicine Urgent Care. And we should turn off the TVs. We don't need to cause any extra panic.
:'''Gloria''': Will do.
:'''Robinavitch''': The cafeteria will handle the family members and survivors.
:'''Gloria''': What else do you need?
:'''Robinavitch''': Prayers wouldn't hurt.
:'''Gloria''': Amen to that.
:'''Robinavitch''': Keep the press out of here.
:'''Gloria''': Gladly. Call me directly if you need anything else.
:'''Robinavitch''': OK, will do. Thank you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Robinavitch''': This is how it's going to work. Our ambulance bay is now our Triage. EMS will be overwhelmed. Most will probably arrive by car, several victims per vehicle. For all you newbies that don't know, Dr. Shen is our night shift attending. John, I'm gonna put you on Point Triage.
:'''Dr. Shen''': Cool.
:'''Robinavitch''': Triage will decide who goes where depending on their injury.
:'''Abbot''': Every department will have a designated primary who will oversee their staff. If you need someone, look for the vest. We're all gonna have walkies. We can get you whatever you need.
:'''Robinavitch''': No patient goes into a room unless it's a trauma bay, and they will have four patients each. We need to keep everybody out in the open so we can keep an eye on everything, OK? Triage is gonna assess and assign every patient to a specific zone with a colored slap band. Patient who comes in with a red slap band goes to the Red Zone, which is the trauma rooms, with overflow out here. These are the most critical patients who will die without immediate attention. Samira, where are you? You are here with Dr. Abbot and me. Jack's gonna run traffic.
:'''Abbot''': We have five minutes to try and stabilize the reds. After that, it's OR, ICU, or morgue.
:'''Robinavitch''': The south and central common area over there will be the Pink Zone. That is for patients who will die in under an hour without treatment. McKay and Javadi, you are over there, with help from incoming night shift and surgical staff. Yellow Zone is the North Corridor. Those are gonna be mostly extremity wounds good vitals, talking. Mel, you're gonna run point there with Santos and Whitaker.
:'''King''': Uh, what if what if there's a-a pulseless extremity?
:'''Abbot''': Oh, if you if you can't feel a pulse, check for [[w:Doppler ultrasonography|Doppler flow]] with this. It's a mini-ultrasound. Follow the screen prompts.
:'''Robinavitch''': But a yellow can change to a red if they go south. You got to stay on top of them, even if they seem stable.
:'''King''': OK, yeah.
:'''Robinavitch''': You got this, Dr. King. Green minor lacs and sprains. They go to Family Medicine. Black and white bands are DOA, imminent death. Pedes is now our morgue. Let's hope we don't get too many of these.
:'''Abbot''': We're a [[w:Mobile Army Surgical Hospital|MASH unit]] now. There's no charting, no electronic medical records, no board.
:'''McKay''': How do we document treatment?
:'''Abbot''': Oh, you'll all get Sharpies, and every patient has a wrist chart to document treatment and procedures. You run out of room, write on the patient's forehead.
:'''McKay''': Really?
:'''Abbot''': Yeah, really.
:'''Robinavitch''': Each wrist chart has a unique mass-casualty-incident barcode and patient number. That's how the patients are gonna get identified.
:'''Abbot''': This is no-frills combat-zone medicine. No ultrasound, no X-rays, no CT, no labs. Assess based on mental status and pulse strength. Every critical patient gets an IO, intubation, a unit of blood and chest tube if needed. Everything you need blood, drugs, bandages everything will be in the Behavioral Health rooms. That's our supply depot. Um oh, keep a couple of 11 blades in your pocket. Goal is to resuscitate ASAP so they'll make it upstairs for definitive care.
:'''Robinavitch''': Trauma surgery and neurosurgery will decide who goes up to the OR immediately and who goes to the ICU for further treatment and evaluation. Communicate. Ask for help if you need it. Trust your attendings. We will get through this together.
:'''Abbot''': Damn right we will.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dr. Shen''': That's a lot of wrist charts.
:'''Robinavitch''': Let's hope we don't need them all. Were you at the last mass-casualty faculty meeting?
:'''Dr. Shen''': Oh, no. I was still a resident three months ago.
:'''Robinavitch''': Right. Wow. Well, one patient at a time, right? The goal is to triage each patient in ten seconds.
:'''Dr. Shen''': Ten seconds, got it.
:'''Robinavitch''': Mental status is [w:AVPU|]]. Alert, response to verbal, response to pain, unresponsive.
:'''Dr. Shen''': Yep.
:'''Robinavitch''': Next, do they have a pulse? Radial, carotid, or femoral tells you where to send them. That's it.
:'''Dr. Shen''': OK. Cool. Oh, I heard it might rain today.
:'''Robinavitch''': John?
:'''Dr. Shen''': Yeah, man.
:'''Robinavitch''': Mental status and pulse gives you everything you need.
:'''Dr. Shen''': Cool.
:'''Robinavitch''': Unresponsive with no pulses, slap a black and white band on them, send them to the morgue. Responds to pain with a faint groan, weak femoral pulse, no radial?
:'''Dr. Shen''': Uh, red.
:'''Robinavitch''': Right. Slap a red band on them, send them back. Awake, alert with strong radial?
:'''Dr. Shen''': Trick question. Could be green, Family Medicine for scrapes or sprains, but stable, penetrating extremity wounds go to yellow.
:'''Robinavitch''': Perfect.
:'''Dr. Shen''': Dude, relax. I got the front door. You worry about the back.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King''': Oh, um, and four of [[w:Cefazolin|Ancef]]. Sorry, I forgot the Ancef. Thank you... .
:'''Perlah Alawi''': Mel! Mel, I need you to reassess, please, now.
:'''King''': Sylvia? Oh, Sylvia. Her pulse is weak and thready. She's, uh, bleeding out from her liver lac. I need O-neg!
:'''Dana''': O-neg's gone, honey. Gloria's got more flying in. Incident Command, what's the ETA on our blood?
:''[Incident Command relays it would take eight to ten minutes]''
:'''Dana''': The patient's gonna have to get by with a liter of saline.
:'''King''': No, no, she needs blood, not crystalloid. Um, can she go to surgery?
:'''Dana''': All right, she's next to go, as soon as we get an open OR.
:'''King''': She's not gonna last that long -- Dr. Robby. Dr. Robby! Dr. Robby, we're out of O-neg, but I'm O-neg. Can I donate?
:'''Robinavitch''': Gloria's got more blood flying in.
:'''King''': But I need it now.
:'''Robinavitch''': What is our blood status?
:'''Dana''': Just used the last units of O-neg and O-pos. More flying in.
:'''Robinavitch''': ETA?
:'''Dana''': Less than 10.
:'''King''': Some patients are not gonna last that long. And I'm sure there are other O-neg donors that probably work here, so...
:'''Robinavitch''': It would take hours to screen for HIV and hepatitis.
:'''King''': Well, I have neither, and I donate all the time.
:''[Robby sighs]''
:'''King''': Please.
:'''Robinavitch''': Fuck it. If the patient's gonna die before they get to the OR, then the benefits outweigh the risks.
:'''Dana''': My man. All right, kid, roll up your sleeve I'll meet you in 7. Listen up. Central 7, 8, 9 is now the blood donor center. Anyone who's O-neg or O-pos, we need you to donate now. Hands where I can see them. OK, let's do this.

=== ''7:00 P.M.'' [1.13] ===
:'''Robinavitch''': ''[to his adopted son, about his girlfriend]'' Leah's injuries were really serious. She stopped breathing. We put a tube down her throat to deliver oxygen. We were able to drain the blood that was collapsing her lungs. We gave her as much blood as we could. We even transfused some of her own blood that was in her chest. But we were unable to get ahead of the massive blood loss. Her heart stopped. You saw me doing CPR. We did everything that we could.
:'''Jake Malloy''': She's dead?
:'''Robinavitch: Her heart was damaged beyond repair. There was nothing that we could do to save her. And I don't know how many people I've helped today, but I can tell you every other person who has died. There was a man named Mr. Spencer, who died in front of his children, and an 18-year-old who who was brain dead from a fentanyl overdose and a guy with a heart condition and a little girl who drowned trying to save her sister. ''[sobbing]'' And I'm gonna remember Leah long after you've forgotten her.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mohan''': What are you doing?
:'''Langdon''': Giving this guy a chance. He needs a big central line for fast transfusion.
:'''Mohan'': You can't do an IJ without an ultrasound, especially on a guy this big.
:'''Mateo Diaz''': You'll kill him if you collapse a lung or hit the carotid.
:'''Langdon''': I'm not doing an IJ. Unhook that blood line. Bring it up here. This is a supraclavicular [[w:Subclavian artery|subclavian]]. If you have to go in blind, this is the only safe way to access a giant vein. And hold compressions. A centimeter from the lateral head of the [[w:Sternocleidomastoid muscle|sternocleidomastoid]], a centimeter off the clavicle, aiming at the contralateral nipple. I'm in. Okay, resume compressions. And squeeze blood.
:'''Mohan''': Where'd you learn that?
:'''Langdon''': &quot;EM: RAP&quot; podcast. We'll be ready for a second unit in under a minute. Boom.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Whitaker''': What are you doing?
:'''Santos''': Prepping for [[w:Resuscitative endovascular balloon occlusion of the aorta|REBOA]].
:'''Whitaker''': Are you crazy? Did Abbot approve this?
:'''Santos''': He said, do what you have to do. Attendings are all tied up. If I can blow up a balloon in the aorta, it'll stop the bleeding.
:'''Whitaker''': It'll cut off the blood supply to half her body.
:'''Santos''': I'll only go in a few inches, zone three, below the kidneys, until she gets up to the OR. Glove up, Huckleberry.
:'''Whitaker''': Okay, you're gonna need an ultrasound, X-ray.
:'''Santos''': Not today.
:'''Whitaker''': Have you done this before?
:'''Santos''': It's a central line. I just need to hit the femoral artery like that. Piece of cake. All right, guidewire, then introducer sheath.

=== ''8:00 P.M.'' [1.14] ===
:'''Robinavitch''': I just wanted to say thank you for earlier when I was, um
:'''Whitaker''': Oh, your brief moment of silent reflection?
:'''Robinavitch''': Yeah. You didn't mention that to anybody?
:'''Whitaker''': No, no. God, no. No.
:'''Robinavitch''': I don't know what that was. I was just felt like I was drowning.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Whitaker''': What was that you were reciting?
:'''Robinavitch''': It's called the ''[[w:Shema|Shema]]'' prayer. It's a declaration of faith in God. I lived with my grandmother when I was little, and she and I used to recite it every morning.
:'''Whitaker''': &quot;Even youths grow tired and weary, &quot;and young men stumble and fall. &quot;But those who hold hope in the Lord &quot;will renew their strength and soar on wings like eagles.&quot; It's [[Isaiah]] 40. I was an undergrad theology major.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Abbot''': Okay, nipples to navel is no man's land. If he got shot while exhaling, the bullet possibly passed below the diaphragm.

=== ''9:00 P.M.'' [1.15] ===
:'''Dr. Walsh''': Once I'm through the fascia, you're gonna sweep a finger around the bladder, open up the [[w:Retropubic space|space of Retzius]].
:'''Dr. Shen''': Named after [[w:Anders Retzius|Anders Retzius]], 19th-century Swedish professor of anatomy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Abbot''': Deaver [[w:Retractor (medicine)|retractor]].
:'''Dr. Walsh''': Named for [[w:John Blair Deaver|John Blair Deaver]], Philadelphia surgeon who revolutionized abdominal surgery in the early 1900s.
:'''Abbot''': I'm surrounded by med nerds.
:'''Dr. Walsh''': I went to med school at Penn. I walked by his portrait every day. Dude did, like, 100,000 surgeries.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Santos''': I know [[w:Krav Maga|Krav Maga]].
:'''Whitaker''': Cool. I don't know who that is, but he sounds very protective of you.
:'''Santos''': The chances of this working are diminishing by the second. I'm just fucking with you, Whitaker. You're such a Huckleberry.

== Season 2 ==
=== ''7:00 A.M.'' [2.01] ===
:'''Whitaker''': One of the things we like to do here, when we have the time, is to take a moment of silence when we lose a patient to respect their humanity. He was someone's son, perhaps a father himself, a brother or friend. Oh, make sure your phones are on silent.

=== ''8:00 A.M.'' [2.02] ===
:'''Al-Hashimi''': This should be done in the O.R.
:'''Garcia''': I ''am'' the O.R.!

=== ''8:00 P.M.'' [2.14] ===
:'''Duke''':  I can see why you liked restoring this bike. You're a fixer. I fix bikes, but you fix people. That's pretty damn impressive, man.
:'''Robinavitch''': Some people can't be fixed.
:'''Duke''': Look, I'm-- I've done plenty of things I'm not proud of.
:'''Robinavitch''': Yeah, me too.
:'''Duke''': No, bad things-- hurt people on purpose, hurt myself. And I did my time, but that doesn't wash away the regret. I... wish I'd done things differently. I think about it every day.
:'''Robinavitch''': You know, they say that it's never too late to change.
:'''Duke''': Some things can't be changed, like death. Death can't be changed.
:'''Robinavitch''': Hey, I know the surgery is scary--
:'''Duke''': I'm not talking about me.
:'''Robinavitch''': Yeah, I don't know if I wanna be here anymore.
:'''Duke''': I don't know how you stand 12 minutes in there, let alone 12 hours, 20 years.
:'''Robinavitch''': No. That's the only place I can be. I have purpose in there. I can be distracted in there. I don't know that I wanna be... anywhere anymore.
:'''Duke''': So what's the plan?
:'''Robinavitch''': Ride.
:'''Duke''': Toward what?
:'''Robinavitch''': I don't know.
:'''Duke''': Away from what?
:'''Robinavitch''': Everything.
:'''Duke''': Well, that's not riding. That's running. Is that your final lesson for these kids?

=== ''9:00 P.M.'' [2.15] ===
:'''Langdon''': You know who I saw in rehab? I saw a bunch of guys just like you. The only difference is, they've accepted that they need help. I think you're afraid to admit the mighty Dr. Robinavitch isn't perfect.
:'''Robinavitch''': I never claimed to be perfect.
:'''Langdon''': No, but you expect it of yourself and it's not realistic, man. How can any of us live up to your standards if you can't even do it? You need help, Robby. You need help.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Abbott''': You want to know why I never killed myself. After what I saw, lived through. Losing my leg, losing... my wife. Because ''it'' comes for all of us man. You and I know it more than most. We see it every shift, but we can't let ourselves succumb to it. Yes, life can suck. It can be unbearable and-and-and brutal and ugly and heartbreaking; but it's also beautiful, and hilarious and that woman today, her baby, they both be in the morgue if you hadn't been here. That's us. That's you and me. That's what we're here for.  
:'''Robinavitch''': The most important things I've ever done in my life have been in this hospital. Nothing will ever matter more than what I've done in this hospital, but it is killing me. You know how they say that a part of you dies when you lose someone you love? I'm not convinced that a part of you doesn't die every time you see a fellow human pass. And I've seen so many people die that I feel like it's leaching something from my soul.
:'''Abbott''': Go on a cruise man. Knock off this helmet-less motorcycle shit. Ya, people talk. That's death wish behavior. 
:'''Robinavitch''': I'm tired of being a role model. Tired of feeling like you can't get ahead. Tired of feeling like I'm drowning every day. Tired of all of it. 
:'''Abbott''': You need to get away for a while. You need to get some help. You need this place as much as it needs you.
:'''Robinavitch''': Am I fucked up?
:'''Abbott''': 100 percent. But nobody works here as long as you and me and doesn't get screwed up. You've gotta find somebody to help you dance through the darkness.
:'''Robinavitch''': ''[pause]'' Did you just make that up?
:'''Abbott''': Maybe it's a song lyric. I don't know. Maybe my therapist said it. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Robinavitch''': ''[to Baby Jane Doe]'' You got off to kind of a rough start, didn't you, little one? Well, that makes two of us. I got abandoned, too. When I was eight. but I got through all of that, and so will you. I got a good feeling that you're gonna be just fine. Everything's gonna be just fine. You got so many wonderful things to see, and so many people to love ahead of you. So many wonderful things to see, people to love ahead of you.

== Cast ==
* [[w:Noah Wyle|Noah Wyle]] - Dr. [[w:Michael &quot;Robby&quot; Robinavitch|Michael &quot;Robby&quot; Robinavitch]]
* [[w:Tracy Ifeachor|Tracy Ifeachor]] - Dr. Heather Collins (season 1)
* [[w:Patrick Ball (actor)|Patrick Ball]] - Dr. Frank Langdon 
* [[w:Katherine LaNasa|Katherine LaNasa]] - [[w:Dana Evans (The Pitt)|Dana Evans]]
* [[w:Supriya Ganesh|Supriya Ganesh]] - Dr. Samira Mohan
* [[Fiona Dourif]] - Dr. Cassie McKay
* [[w:Taylor Dearden|Taylor Dearden]] - Dr. Melissa &quot;Mel&quot; King
* [[w:Isa Briones|Isa Briones]] - Dr. Trinity Santos
* [[w:Gerran Howell|Gerran Howell]] - [[w:Dennis Whitaker|Dennis Whitaker]]
* [[w:Shabana Azeez|Shabana Azeez]] - Victoria Javadi
* [[w:Sepideh Moafi|Sepideh Moafi]] - Dr. Baran Al-Hashimi (season 2)
* [[w:Shawn Hatosy|Shawn Hatosy]] - Dr. Jack Abbot
* [[w:Kristin Villanueva|Kristin Villanueva]] - Princess Dela Cruz
* Amielynn Abellera - Perlah Alawi
* [[w:Alexandra Metz|Alexandra Metz]] - Dr. Yolanda Garcia

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}} 
* {{imdb title|31938062|The Pitt}}
* [https://www.max.com/shows/pitt-2024/e6e7bad9-d48d-4434-b334-7c651ffc4bdf ''The Pitt''] on [[w:HBO Max|HBO Max]]

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[[File:The Pitt Max series logo.png|thumb]]
'''''[[w:The Pitt|The Pitt]]''''' (2025–) is an American [[w:medical drama|medical]] [[w:procedural drama|procedural drama]] television series created by [[w:R. Scott Gemmill|R. Scott Gemmill]], and executive produced by [[w:John Wells (filmmaker)|John Wells]] and [[w:Noah Wyle|Noah Wyle]]. It is about the daily lives of healthcare professionals in a Pittsburgh hospital as they juggle personal crises, workplace politics, and the emotional toll of treating critically ill patients, revealing the resilience required in their noble calling.

== Season 1 ==
=== ''7:00 A.M.'' [1.01] ===
:''[Robby introduces his newest group of medical students and interns to the key players of his emergency department day shift]''
:'''Dr. Michael &quot;Robby&quot; Robinavitch''': Actually, this is the most important person that you're gonna meet today. This is Dana. She's our charge nurse. She is the ringleader of our circus. Do what she says, when she says it. As you can see, our house is always packed, and our department is mostly clogged up with boarders. Those are admitted patients waiting for a room upstairs, sometimes for days. Beds are a very precious commodity around here, so please be quick and efficient with your workups. What else? We treat the sicker patients back here, but please keep your eye on that waiting room. Make sure nobody's gonna die out there. Your senior residents are Dr. Collins and Dr. Langdon. You report to them, and they report to me. Senior residents, you got your sign-outs?
:'''Dr. Heather Collins''': Yep.
:'''Dr. Frank Langdon''': Yep.
:'''Robby''': OK. Let's do this.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dr. Cassie McKay''': Patients, they check in for registration here. A nurse eyeballs them, makes sure they're not dying. If not, they're moved to one of two triage rooms for vitals and a quick chair exam where you can order your labs and your X-rays. And then they come back to Waiting room, until a bed opens up.
:'''MS3 Victoria Javadi''': For how long?
:'''McKay''': Eight hours, if they're lucky. A lot of times, 12.
:'''MS4 Dennis Whitaker''': Uh, is it always this busy?
:'''McKay''': Uh, no. It gets a lot busier.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Gloria Underwood''': We need to talk about your numbers.
:'''Robby''': Of people we've saved?
:'''Gloria''': Metrics.
:'''Robby''': Our door-to-balloon times beat federal standards.
:'''Gloria''': I'm talking about Press Ganey scores. Patient satisfaction.
:'''Robby''': If they're still alive, they should be satisfied.
:'''Gloria''': Our goal is 36% very satisfied with their care. Your department is at 8%. Do you know how likely patients are to recommend this hospital?
:'''Robby''': This is an emergency department, not a Taco Bell.
:'''Gloria''': 11%.
:'''Robby''': Well, if you want people to be happier, don't make 'em wait for 12 hours.
:'''Gloria''': There's a nursing shortage across the country.
:'''Robby''': Most of our patients are boarders who are waiting for a bed upstairs.
:'''Gloria''': We don't have the beds.
:'''Robby''': That's bullshit. The beds are up there. You just don't want to hire the staff you need to care for them.
:'''Gloria''': Like I said, there's a nursing shortage.
:'''Robby''': Well, if you paid them a living wage, they'd be lining up to work here.
:'''Gloria''': Our budget can't support that.
:'''Robby''': ''[laughs]'' Here's a dirty little secret. The hospital saves money keeping patients down here in the Pitt. It's way cheaper than staffing upstairs.
:'''Gloria''': I have asked you repeatedly to stop referring to the emergency department as the Pitt. It is derogatory and incompatible to the institution's image.
:'''Robby''': You know what's incompatible with the institution's image? Me speaking to the media about people who code in our waiting rooms and people who get shitty care in our hallways waiting for an ICU bed for days.
:'''Gloria''': I've heard about doctors who have tried that and find themselves out of work.
:'''Robby''': Uh-huh.
:'''Gloria''': I know today is difficult for you.
:'''Robby''': Every day is difficult down here.
:'''Gloria''': Boarding is a nationwide problem. Your predecessor, Adamson, sure as hell knew that. Or wasn't that something he taught you?
:'''Robby''': Fuck. Wow. Really?
:'''Gloria''': Yes, really. Other hospitals are managing this crisis much more effectively. So, you can either step up your game, or you can step aside.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Otis Williams''': Am I gonna be OK?
:'''McKay''': Yeah. You just need to take it easy on yourself. Muscle breakdown and [[w:myoglobin|myoglobin]] damaged your kidneys.
:'''Otis Williams''': Why'd you shock my heart?
:'''McKay''': When your kidneys don't work, potassium builds up and messes with the electrical activity in your heart.
:'''Otis Williams''': Can it happen again?
:'''McKay''': We gave you medicine to lower your potassium, and you'll need dialysis to clear it all out.
:'''Otis Williams''': Then I'll be OK?
:'''McKay''': Yeah. You might need a week or two for your kidneys to recover, but yeah. You really need to hydrate like crazy before and after a triathlon.
:'''Otis Williams''': Trust me, I won't let this happen again.
:'''McKay''': Good. Be kind to yourself.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Robby''': One of the things we do here is to take a moment of silence when we lose a patient, to respect their humanity. And also to remember that this was somebody's child, or sibling, or parent, or friend.

=== ''8:00 A.M.'' [1.02] ===
:'''Gloria''': Is it true? ...
:'''Robinavitch''': You have to be more specific.
:'''Gloria''': Are there rats in the ED?
:'''Robinavitch''': Apparently, if somebody already snitched!
:'''Gloria''': Do you know how bad this looks? One more reason to shutter this place. Only the emergency department admits rats.
:'''Robinavitch''': Emergency department would never admit rats, unless they had the right insurance.
:'''Gloria''': Did you catch any of them?
:'''Robinavitch''': One, and I charged him for a full visit.
:'''Gloria''': I'm glad you think this is funny.
:'''Robinavitch''': I'm sorry that you don't.
:'''Gloria''': Did you call an exterminator?
:'''Robinavitch''': He's waiting on a second opinion.
:'''Gloria''': ''[chuckles]'' You're pushing your luck today.
:'''Robinavitch''': Don't worry. Last I heard, they were headed for the cafeteria, so they should be dead within the hour.
:'''Gloria''': OK.
:'''Robinavitch''': I'll be here all week.
:'''Gloria''': Or maybe not.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dana''': What's wrong with kids these days?
:'''Robinavitch''': Uh, you mean besides social media and the worldwide pandemic and the environmental crisis?
:'''Dana''': Yeah, yeah, yeah.
:'''Robinavitch''': And gun violence?
:'''Dana''': You're a fucking fountain of hope today, aren't you?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Robinavitch''': I got to go tell those parents their 18-year-old son is brain-dead.
:'''Collins''': Want me to come with you?
:'''Robinavitch''': No, It's OK.
:'''Collins''': What are you going to say?
:'''Robinavitch''': I'm going to say that it's likely, but we still need to do an [[w:apnea|apnea]] test and a [[w:Cerebral perfusion pressure|cerebral perfusion]] study.
:'''Collins''': There's no cranial nerve activity.
:'''Robinavitch''': Those people need some hope.
:'''Collins''': False hope.
:'''Robinavitch''': Hope is hope.
:'''Collins''': Is it? What, are we praying for miracles today?
:'''Robinavitch''': They need time to process before they can accept what's happening.
:'''Collins''': You ever consider taking that advice? Physician, heal thyself.
:'''Robinavitch''': Don't you have patients?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Robinavitch''': Why did you order the EKG?
:'''Whitaker''': The nurse suggested it to rule out any cardiac issues.
:'''Robinavitch''': Well, good call on both your parts. Nurses know what they're doing. Never hesitate to listen to them.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King''': Because your son tested positive for [[w:Tetrahydrocannabinol|THC]], the psychoactive ingredient in cannabis, we're going to have to admit him for overnight observation and monitoring.
:'''Amanda Jones''': And what about his brain? Is there a chance that much pot is going to do some damage? He's only four.
:'''Langdon''': The honest answer is we don't know. There haven't been any long-term studies, but the fact that this is a one-time occurrence suggests that there should be no long-term effects.
:'''Amanda Jones''': But you don't know. So my son could end up with learning disabilities, psychiatric problems, or even autism because of this.
:'''King''': There's no evidence to suggest any of that.
:'''Kiara Alfaro''': Hello. I'm Kiara Alfaro. I'm the department social worker.
:'''Langdon''': Kiara will help you navigate the next steps.
:'''Amanda Jones''': What steps?
:'''King''': Well, a case like this requires mandatory reporting to child services and sometimes law enforcement.
:'''Amanda Jones''': No.
:'''Drew Jones''': Why why do you have to involve the police?
:'''King''': It's a controlled substance.
:'''Amanda Jones''': They're not taking my kid away.
:'''Drew Jones''': They were pot gummies.
:'''Kiara Alfaro''': No one's suggesting that.
:'''Amanda Jones''': Well, fuck your suggestions! No one is touching my child! In fact, we're leaving.
:'''Langdon''': Well no, you can't take your son. He could stop breathing. He could have a seizure.
:'''Amanda Jones''': I will observe him at home.
:'''Drew Jones''': Amanda, please.
:'''Amanda Jones''': Fuck off, Drew.
:'''Langdon''': Get security. If you can't cooperate, I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
:'''Drew Jones''': Amanda, please. He needs to stay here.
:'''Amanda Jones''': And you need to get a fucking hotel.
:'''Langdon''': Your son can't leave the hospital, but I can have you removed.
:'''Amanda Jones''': Don't you dare touch me. Get out! All of you!
:'''Kiara Alfaro''': Mrs. Jones, I know this is scary and stressful.
:'''Amanda Jones''': Oh, fuck you! Fuck you! This is my son. My son! And nobody is touching him!
:'''Robinavitch''': ''[enters]'' Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's going on?
:'''Security Guard Olsen''': How can I help you?
:'''Amanda Jones''': By backing the fuck off!
:'''Kiara Alfaro''': Mom's worried a CYF investigation.
:'''Drew Jones''': Amanda, just calm down!
:'''Robinavitch''': OK, OK, OK, enough! This is a hospital. This isn't &quot;The Jerry Springer Show.&quot; Ma'am, nobody's trying to take your child, so why don't you stay here with him while your husband talks to our social worker outside and straightens all this out?
:'''Amanda Jones''': Well, I don't want him speaking for me and my son.
:'''Robinavitch''': Well, it is either you or him. Your son is not leaving, but you can be escorted out and even arrested if you refuse to cooperate. Nobody wants that. So you tell us. What do you want to do?
:'''Amanda Jones''': I'm staying with my son.
:'''Robinavitch''': OK, great. You do that. We all on the same page here? Thank you, Olsen. You know where to find me.You OK?
:'''Langdon''': Yeah, we got this.
:'''Robinavitch''': All good. It's all yours.

=== ''9:00 A.M.'' [1.03] ===
:'''Robinavitch''': Dr. Mohan, do you have a minute?
:'''Mohan''': Yep. Excuse me.
:'''Robinavitch''': Is there a problem over there?
:'''Mohan''': No, her pain is well controlled.
:'''Robinavitch''': You understand that's my polite way of asking why are you spending so much time with one patient? You're an R3. As an R3, you should be seeing at least two patients an hour.
:'''Mohan''': I have two, Joyce and Mr. Wallace, our Good Samaritan.
:'''Robinavitch''': Who's comatose and stable. You should have four by now.
:'''Mohan''': I have the highest patient satisfaction of anyone.
:'''Robinavitch''': I don't doubt it, but we just had this conversation a couple of hours ago.
:'''Mohan''': I know people call me Slow-Mo. You don't have to confirm or deny. It used to hurt my feelings a lot, but I can't help it. I work at the speed I'm comfortable at.
:'''Robinavitch''': Because you're afraid of making a mistake?
:'''Mohan''': I'm always afraid of making a mistake. Aren't you?
:'''Robinavitch''': Yeah, of course I am. But you know what I mean. You make a mistake once, and somebody dies, and you feel so badly about it, you'll never let it happen again
:'''Mohan''': How is that wrong?
:'''Robinavitch''': Because you waste time and money on unnecessary tests. You keep sick patients waiting too long. You miss out on cases you could be learning from. You shortchange your own education. I'm not saying this to be a hard-ass. I'm saying this because I know you could do this, but you need to do it at a level I also know you're capable of.
:'''Mohan''': And what if I'm not?
:'''Robinavitch''': Then you should look into a specialty that better suits you. Have you thought about psychiatry?
:'''Mohan''': I don't want to go into psychiatry. I want to be here.
:'''Robinavitch''': Being here means no matter how good you are or how hard you try, you're gonna make another mistake, and someone else might even die. That's called being an emergency medicine doctor. And if you can't accept that, then maybe this isn't the place for you.
:'''Mohan''': I can accept that.
:'''Robinavitch''': You sure?
:'''Mohan''': Yes.
:'''Robinavitch''': OK, good. Go save some lives. Clear some beds while you're at it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Robinavitch''': Mr. Gellin, you're having a very big heart attack right now. Major artery that carries oxygen to your heart is almost totally blocked.
:'''Mr. Gellin''': That doesn't sound too good.
:'''Robinavitch''': No, it's not very good. We're gonna send you up to the cath lab. A cardiologist is gonna unblock that with a balloon and leave it open with a stent.
:'''Mr. Gellin''': But I'm still having a heart attack?
:'''Robinavitch''': If everything goes as planned, it'll be like you never had a heart attack. We're gonna put a catheter in this artery right here. We're gonna shave the hair with a clipper.
:'''Mr. Gellin''': Long as you stop short of a Brazilian.
:'''Robinavitch''': It's an option we offer. Costs a little bit more. A lot of people's insurance won't cover it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Robinavitch''': How's she doing?
:'''Kiara Alfaro''': She's worried sick about her son. What are you going to do?
:'''Robinavitch''': I thought he would come back after mom called him. Hey, what are the ethics about me reaching out to him under the guise of a medical emergency with mom?
:'''Kiara Alfaro''': If he's a danger to himself or others, I'd argue you have a professional responsibility to do whatever is necessary.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Helen Spencer''': He keeps trying to pull away.
:'''Robinavitch''': We're giving him some more sedation.
:'''Jereme''': Why is he so agitated?
:'''Robinavitch''': He could have some awareness of the tube in his throat or that he's in a strange place, or it could be lack of oxygen to his brain.
:'''Helen Spencer''': Does he need more oxygen?
:'''Robinavitch''': He's on 100%. That's as high as it goes. ''[vitals monitor beeps loudly]'' That is his blood pressure dropping.
:'''Jereme''': Oh, is that even fixable?
:'''Robinavitch''': Normally, yes, with IV fluids, but we now know that that will just fill up his lungs, drop his oxygen even more.
:'''Helen Spencer''': Well, isn't there something else we can do?
:'''Robinavitch''': We can place a long, large IV catheter in his jugular vein down into his heart and administer [[w:Norepinephrine (medication)|Levophed]], which is a very powerful medicine to constrict his arteries, raise his blood pressure. But that could cause other organ damage, organ failure. I'm really sorry, but each new step is even more invasive, could cause more suffering with minimal benefit.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Collins''': Confidence and ambition are great attributes, especially when paired with respect and humility.

=== ''10:00 A.M.'' [1.04] ===
:'''Robinavitch''': I had a teacher, mentor, who told me about a Hawaiian ritual called ''[[w:Hoʻoponopono|Hoʻoponopono]]'', or &quot;the four things that matter most.&quot; It's basically just a few key things that we can say when we're saying goodbye to a loved one that can really help at the early stages of loss.
:'''Jereme''': What are they?
:'''Robinavitch''': They're gonna sound really simple, but I swear I've seen them work.
:'''Jereme''': Okay.
:'''Robinavitch''': I love you. Thank you. I forgive you. Please forgive me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mohan''': Distraction is a terrible strategy. When a patient says, &quot;I'm hurting,&quot; we don't respond, &quot;What's your major?&quot;
:'''Santos''': Oh, I wasn't trying to diminish
:'''Mohan''': Additionally, &quot;I&quot; statements work better than &quot;you&quot; statements. &quot;I can see how painful this is&quot; acknowledges the reality of the situation and invites further examination. &quot;You need to move on&quot; has the opposite effect.
:'''Santos''': Understood, but in my personal experience...
:'''Mohan''': Your personal experience isn't germane here. We bring our education to the job, not our baggage.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Robinavitch''': It's good that your families live close. This becomes a primary relationship now. You're the last witnesses to each other's lives. You hold the memories.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Robinavitch''': But I've got four days off next week. I think I'm gonna get out of Dodge and head for the hills.
:'''Dana''': I wish you would. What'd [[Shakespeare]] say &quot;Physician, heal thyself&quot;?
:'''Robinavitch''': What? Have you been talking to Collins? Not Shakespeare. Luke, the disciple, who probably heard it from Paul the Apostle. But what do I know? I'm Jewish. It's not my book. Shakespeare had nothing to do with it, though.
:'''Dana''': Yeah. Maybe a little time off would be good.

=== ''11:00 A.M.'' [1.05] ===
:'''Dana''': Don't mind Myrna. She's harmless.
:'''Whitaker''': She's handcuffed!
:'''Dana''': That's why she's harmless.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Langdon''': A little advice, man-to-man: always compliment her outfit, hold her hand in front of your friends, and always wrap it before you tap it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Doug Driscoll''': Excuse me. Excuse me. I've been here for over five hours, okay, way longer than that chick. Can you check the list? Driscoll? Doug Driscoll.
:'''Javadi''': E-everybody is seen as quickly as possible and in order of medical care needed.
:'''Doug Driscoll''': Unless they die waiting.
:'''McKay''': Would you look at that, Mr. Driscoll? It's actually time to bring you back.
:'''Doug Driscoll''': Thank God.
:'''McKay''': Would you take care of Mr. Driscoll?
:'''Javadi''': Yeah, absolutely.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Donnie Donahue''': What can I do you for?
:'''Santos''': Hypothetical question would you ever go over a resident's head to the attending?
:'''Donnie Donahue''': Hypothetically, I wouldn't recommend it unless it's a behavioral issue or harassment. And in that case, you can make a confidential report to HR.
:'''Santos''': What if it's more patient care related?
:'''Donnie Donahue''': Depends. If it's something minor, leave it alone. If it's something that endangers the patient, then definitely yes. Pick your battles. You don't want to be the intern who cried wolf.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Javadi''': Has Kiara been here yet?
:'''Sherry Davis''': No, who's Kiara?
:'''Javadi''': Oh, she's the hospital social worker. She can help you out with, like, housing and childcare - and food and security
:'''Sherry Davis''': ''[to Dr. McKay]'' You told her?
:'''McKay''': No, I-I...
:'''Javadi''': No, no, it's all free. The system works if you use it. You just have to...
:'''McKay''': Enough!
:'''Sherry Davis''': I don't need your help. Nice speech. Next time, mind your own business.
:''[McKay pulls Javadi to the hall]''
:'''McKay''': You ever heard of impact over intent?
:'''Javadi''': I would never intentionally embarrass anybody.
:'''McKay''': But you did. You didn't have a conversation with Sherry or ask her what she needed. Instead, you walked in here and told her what to do. You gotta slow down, take a beat, and listen instead of judging people. Look, maybe I have a better perspective because I've been on both sides, but we gotta try to at least put ourselves in their shoes. Listening and building trust will make us better doctors and better people.
:'''Javadi''': Um, I'm sorry.
:'''McKay''': I'm not telling you this to reprimand you. I'm trying to teach you to help you.

=== ''12:00 P.M.'' [1.06] ===
:'''Mohan''': Aren't board rounds at 2:00?
:'''Robinavitch''': These aren't board rounds. I just want to remind you all of a few things, OK? So we do a great job coming up with the right diagnosis and treatment plan for our patients, but there are still some opportunities for improvement.
:'''Langdon''': Not this bullshit again.
:'''Robinavitch''': First off, always sit down at the bedside of a stable patient. It will make you a better doctor. Second, if there's a discharge to be done, do it before you pick up a new patient. The patients are very aware of the time that they spend with us, so please don't keep them here any longer than they need to be.
:'''McKay''': They complain about the wait.
:'''Robinavitch''': I get it, but for the sake of efficiency and running smoothly on our end and opening up beds and opening up rooms, let's discharge before we start with somebody new, OK? Thank you. Lastly, in your medical records, make sure that your decision-making and your notes reflect not just the diagnosis but all the thought that you put into ruling out all the critical illnesses in the differential.
:'''Langdon''': More work? I do enough charting as it is.
:'''Collins''': The hospital won't admit this, but it's less about charting and more about profit.
:'''Robinavitch''': OK? Good. That's it. Goodbye. Go.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Robinavitch''': ''[about Dr. Mohan]'' Hi, how's she doing?
:'''Dana''': Better. Faster.
:'''Robinavitch''': Still need ten more of her.
:'''Dana''': Never thought I'd see the day where you'd wish for more Samiras.
:'''Robinavitch''': You can blame Gloria for that. If I don't get patient satisfaction scores up around here, they're bringing in an outside management company to run things.
:'''Dana''': Mother of God. Really?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Gloria''': Dr. Robinavitch.
:'''Robinavitch''': Gloria.
:'''Gloria''': This is Dr. Tracy Morris, regional manager of ECQ America.
:'''Robinavitch''': The contract management group.
:'''Morris''': It's a pleasure to meet you.
:'''Robinavitch''': Likewise. But if you'll excuse me, I'm a little slammed, as per usual.
:'''Gloria''': We were upstairs with the executive team going over a proposal.
:'''Robinavitch''': A proposal?
:'''Gloria''': Mm-hmm.
:'''Morris''': We're interested in having your emergency department join us.
:'''Robinavitch''': The 500 or so ERs you have aren't enough?
:'''Morris''': What can I say? Business is good.
:'''Robinavitch''': Yeah, for who?
:'''Morris''': Everyone benefits.
:'''Robinavitch''': Do they, though? Your contract management's corporate mandate is profits for shareholders above everything else, yes?
:'''Gloria''': Robby.
:'''Robinavitch''': Dah-dah-dah.
:'''Morris''': Your hospital's board was very impressed with ECQ's metrics on patient satisfaction, throughput time, and billing collections.
:'''Robinavitch''': Does your proposal include the part where you cut the pay for all my doctors?
:'''Morris''': Maybe I can find an incentive for you. How does regional medical director sound? Lighter workload, better benefits, stock options.
:'''Robinavitch''': Did you go to business school or medical school?
:'''Morris''': Both. We look forward to your decision.
:'''Gloria''': Of course.
:'''Morris''': Hopefully we'll get a chance to work together soon, Dr. Robinavitch.
:''[Dr. Morris leaves]''
:'''Robinavitch''': I can't believe you're seriously considering this.
:'''Gloria''': Bottom line is, our current numbers aren't good, and theirs are.
:'''Robinavitch''': Just because their dashboard is pretty doesn't mean it's good for patients.
:'''Gloria''': If you want to keep this ED, improve metrics. There's a lot of OFI. Opportunities for improvement.
:'''Robinavitch''': Well, you could have just said that.
:'''Gloria''': I need you to care about patient-satisfaction scores.
:'''Robinavitch''': I would love nothing more. But right now, the average wait time is six hours, and that's before you see a doctor. You need to hire more staff so we can open more inpatient beds. Are you prepared to do that?
:'''Gloria''': I need you to improve scores with the resources we have, or we will explore what ECQ has to offer.
:'''Robinavitch''': This is bullshit. You know this is bullshit. And if you don't, then we are all in trouble.
:'''Gloria''': Maybe you need some time off.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Collins''': OK, you're gonna pretend you're a pirate with your foot on a keg of rum.
:'''Javadi''': Are you serious?
:'''Collins''': Yep. This is the Captain Morgan technique for hip reduction.
:'''Javadi''': Who's Captain Morgan?
:''[Doctor Robby chuckles]''
:'''Langdon''': The guy on the rum bottle?
:'''Collins''': I'll stabilize the pelvis.
:'''Langdon''': OK, you're gonna step up here.
:'''Javadi''': Actually, let me just...sorry.
:'''Langdon''': Yeah, and you are gonna put your right leg behind his knee.
:'''Javadi''': Like this?
:'''Langdon''': Yeah. And you are gonna use your leg as a hinge to put anterior force on his femur.
:'''Robinavitch''': Physics.
:'''Collins''': Push down on the lower leg with your left hand.
:'''Langdon''': You got this. Put your back into it. The hip is a big joint with lots of muscle stabilizing it.
:'''Javadi''': Yeah! OK.
:'''Robinavitch''': Whoa!
:'''Javadi''': Oh, shit... I mean, shoot.
:'''Collins''': And that is what a hip reduction feels like.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Langdon''': [[w:Neurocysticercosis|Neurocysticercosis]], a parasite in your brain.
:'''Joseph Marino''': I thought I just had a migraine, but I have bugs in my head?
:'''Langdon''': Well, not exactly. You had larva from a pork tapeworm that made multiple cysts, but they're all dead now.
:'''Joseph Marino''': A worm? In my fucking head? Are you kidding me?
:'''Langdon''': No, no, you don't have a worm in your head.
:'''Joseph Marino''': You just said that I have...
:'''Langdon''': I said you ''had'' a worm in your head, but it's dead and long gone. What we're seeing on the CT is scarring around those dead cysts.
:'''Joseph Marino''': Like dead worm eggs?
:'''Langdon''': Larvae.
:'''Joseph Marino''': Is my brain like Swiss cheese? Am I dying?
:'''Langdon''': No, no, you're not dying. Joseph, you're gonna be OK. The cysts are tiny, and they're calcified over. There'll be no further damage.
:'''Joseph Marino''': Can you fix it?
:'''Langdon''': Unfortunately, no. The  little calcified spots will stay there.
:'''Joseph Marino''': So there's gonna be a worm graveyard in my brain forever?
:'''Langdon''': Yeah, but they're resting in peace.

=== ''1:00 P.M.'' [1.07] ===
:'''Robinavitch''': Patients come in already in distress, and waiting only makes it worse.
:'''Gloria''': Wait time has nothing to do with this.
:'''Robinavitch''': Which is why we're seeing hospital workers like Dr. Collins get assaulted.
:'''Gloria''': Assaulted?
:'''Collins''': It was a little push.
:'''Robinavitch''': Which we're gonna take seriously. We risk our lives coming to work here every day. What if that mother had brought a weapon?
:'''Gloria''': We have metal detectors.
:'''Robinavitch''': This is what happens when you keep all the hospital admissions stuck down here instead of properly staffing upstairs. I've got four patients waiting on ICU that have been here since before I got here, and it's already 1:00.
:'''Gloria''': I can see that you're... 
:'''Robinavitch''': We've got four more waiting on psych. One of them's been here for a fucking week. So please, for the love of God, hire more nurses.
:'''Gloria''': I'll come back later.
:'''Robinavitch''': That's not gonna help anything.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Terrance''': I [[w:Eversion|everted]] my ankle playing table tennis.
:'''Langdon''': Everted?
:'''Terrance''': Yes.
:'''Langdon''': You mind if I take a look?
:'''Terrance''': Are you an orthopedic surgeon?
:'''Langdon''': No. I am an emergency medicine specialist.
:'''Terrance''': Could I talk to an orthopedic surgeon? I'd prefer an expert in that area.
:'''Langdon''': Well, I'm pretty good at ankle sprains.
:'''Terrance''': How do you know it's a sprain?
:'''Langdon''': Well, I'd have to examine you first, but...
:'''Terrance''': Could it be a [[w:Jones fracture|Jones fracture]] or a [[w:Avulsion_fracture#Tuberosity_avulsion|dancer's fracture]]?
:'''Langdon''': Could be. Again, I'd have to look. Why don't I examine you, and that'll tell me.
:'''Terrance''': Shouldn't you take a complete history on the present illness first?
:'''Langdon''': It sounds like you're more interested in asking the questions, so...
:'''Terrance''': You didn't ask me if I felt a pop or a snap. You didn't ask about previous injuries. You didn't ask about weight bearing.
:'''Langdon''': Why don't I get you some fresh ice?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kristi Wheeler''': Where is she?
:'''Collins''': She's OK. She just needs a minute.
:'''Kristi Wheeler''': I have given her enough time. She can process this on the car ride home.
:'''Collins''': Can we talk for a moment? Please.
:'''Kristi Wheeler''': I know you're trying to help, but this is really between me and my daughter. So if you could just bring her out, we will be on our way.
:'''Collins''': She's really upset.
:'''Kristi Wheeler''': She'll get over it.
:'''Collins''': Weren't you about the same age when you got pregnant with her?
:'''Kristi Wheeler''': Yes.
:'''Collins''': So, you know how hard it can be.
:'''Kristi Wheeler''': It was very hard at the time. But she turned out to be the best thing that has ever happened to me.
:'''Collins''': And I hope she feels the same way when she's ready. But right now, she's not. For her, the world is ending. If you push her away, she might never come back.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King''': ''[turns off the lights and draws the curtain]'' The, uh, ER can be very noisy.
:'''Terrance''': I agree.
:'''King''': So, I heard that you might have sprained your ankle playing table tennis?
:'''Terrance''': I everted it.
:'''King''': Yeah? What is your biggest concern today, Terrence? What worries you the most about the pain in your ankle?
:'''Terrance''': What worries me? Do you mean right now in this moment?
:'''King''': Right now.
:'''Terrance''': I'm worried I won't be able to play table tennis if it's a bad injury. There's a tournament in six weeks, and I already registered. It's my first tournament.
:'''King''': Wow, that's a big deal.
:'''Terrance''': Yes. The championship is hosted by the South Park Table Tennis Club. Nine players have USATT ratings over 2,000. 1,400 is considered average. 2,000 is a master player. My goal is to get a rating over 2,000.
:'''King''': Well, let's get you to that tournament, then. So...
:''[Dr. Langdon enters]''
:'''King''': Terrence, would you walk around the room for me, please? I'll be able to tell a lot more about your injury.
:'''Terrance''': It hurts a little.
:'''Langdon''': How painful on a scale from 1 to 10? 10 is the worst.
:'''Terrance''': The worst? The worst I've ever felt or the worst that a human being can experience?
:'''King''': A little pain is a great answer, Terrence. Thank you. Well, based on your walking around, I don't think it's a serious injury.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King''': Sometimes this tendon called peroneus brevis can pull off a piece of this bone, the fifth metatarsal.
:'''Terrance''': That's the dancer's fracture, right?
:'''King''': Exactly. You most likely have a second-degree ankle sprain. The X-ray will tell us everything. Tech will come get you, and then I'll come back and show you the images.
:'''Terrance''': Great.
:'''King''': OK... I'll put the orders in.
:''[Langdon and King leave]''
:'''Langdon''': How'd you do that?
:'''King''': Do what?
:'''Langdon''': Talk to him.
:'''King''': I listened?
:'''Langdon''': Funny. No, you unlocked something. I wasn't getting anywhere with him.
:'''King''': Oh, my sister is on the spectrum. And the ER can be a very, very overwhelming place for autistic people, so I... I don't know. It just takes a different approach.

=== ''2:00 P.M.'' [1.08] ===
:'''Willie Alexander''': Freedom House took us in and trained us for 300 hours.
:'''Robinavitch''': They turned out the very first medics in the United States.
:'''Willie Alexander''': We started IVs, defibrillated, intubated in the field.
:'''Eli Alexander''': They were the heroes of Hill District, a bunch of young Black dudes saving lives every day.
:'''Langdon''': Why'd you quit?
:'''Willie Alexander''': I didn't. The city saw how successful it was and took over the program. Trained new medics. All white.
:'''Robinavitch''': Everything that Willie and his friends did set the EMS standard for the entire country. Their program created the 911 system.
:'''Willie Alexander''': It wasn't just us. We had the best teachers. Dr. Safar invented CPR. Dr. Adamson, med student when I arrived. But I'm telling you, boy, that guy could teach like there was no tomorrow. You ever hear him give a lecture?
:'''Robinavitch''': Many times.
:'''Willie Alexander''': Every time I saved a patient, it was like he was standing right here, whispering in my ear, telling me what to do.
:'''Robinavitch''': Me too.
:'''Willie Alexander''': Yeah. Where is he working now?
:'''Robinavitch''': Dr. Adamson died a few years ago, during COVID.
:'''Willie Alexander''': Oh. Hard to believe. He was so young, so full of life. A force of nature.
:'''Robinavitch''': Yes, he was.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Willie Alexander''': That looks like [[w:ST elevation|ST elevation]]. That could be bad.
:'''Langdon''': Oh, no. That's just because we're pacing your right ventricle. Willie, I'm impressed. After all these years, you still remember your medical training.
:'''Eli Alexander''': He couldn't tell you what he had for breakfast.
:'''Willie Alexander''': ''[scoffs]'' It's all right. I remember what's important. Like the Freedom House.
:'''Princess''': What's that?
:'''Willie Alexander''': A damn shame. That's your history.
:'''Eli Alexander''': Dad, they're busy.
:'''Willie Alexander''': Back in the '60s, no 911, no ambulances. All we had was police paddy wagons that took you to the hospital, if you were lucky. Then this doc from Pitt, Dr. Safar, he got some money and trained us up.

=== ''3:00 P.M.'' [1.09] ===
:''[Dana breaks up a fight in the waiting room]''
:'''Dana''': Jesus almighty, I can't believe what I'm seein'! Where do you people think you are? '''''This ain't Philly!''''' This is a ''hospital'', for Christ's sakes, what's the matter with you? You call yourselves adults? There are children in here! You should be ashamed of yourselves.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Wendy Atwater''': An operation?
:'''Langdon''': Well, you were just shouting a minute ago about infection, and with good reason. While I am sure you are in the clear for rabies and HIV, human mouths are filthy, some more than others.
:'''Wendy Atwater''': How can you tell if it's bad?
:'''Langdon''': Good question. Dr. K?
:'''King''': I'm sorry?
:'''Langdon''': I am going to inject some sterile saline into your knuckle joint, which you won't feel 'cause of the anesthetic. If it comes spraying back out of the bite wound, we'll know.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Langdon''': Oh, did you want me to tell the surgeons to go no masks for surgery?
:'''Wendy Atwater''': What?
:'''Langdon''': Well, those of us who save lives for a living believe strongly that masks minimize risk when it comes to spreading disease and infection. But I want to respect your beliefs, so what do you think? With or without for surgery? Without?
:'''Wendy Atwater''': Um…I want with.
:'''Langdon''': Good call.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Doug Driscoll''': I know you hear me. You can pretend you don't, but I know you do. This glass might be bulletproof, but it ain't soundproof. Huh? Hello? Can you hear me now? Huh? Hello!
:'''Dana''': Whoa. Whoa. Whoa, sir. Sir, what is the issue?
:'''Doug Driscoll''': Oh, same issue. I've been here all day, and you people have done nothing to fucking help me.
:'''Javadi''': We're still waiting on your second [[w:troponin|troponin]]. We can't clear you medically until it comes back. For instance, if it comes back elevated, that could indicate a silent heart attack. And you'd need to be admitted for monitoring in a cardiology consult.
:'''Doug Driscoll''': That's all I'm asking for. I'm afraid I've had a silent heart attack. I just want someone who knows something about hearts to tell me what's happening to me. You know, unlike most of these losers, I have insurance, good insurance. And I pay my taxes, which pays for them to not have any insurance.
:'''Dana''': Sir, you've got about five seconds to change your whole attitude before security and the police get involved.
:'''Doug Driscoll''': Fuck it. I'm leaving.
:'''Langdon''': Hey. Hey! You are absolutely free to go. But if you do, you will be leaving AMA, against medical advice. This form states that I have advised you to stay and complete your evaluation, but you are choosing to leave, understanding and accepting all risks of heart attack, stroke, disability, and death.
:'''Doug Driscoll''': Sounds like a CYA form in case I drop dead on the curb.
:'''Langdon''': That's exactly what it is.
:'''Doug Driscoll''': I just want to be treated fairly.
:'''Langdon''': I assure you that is our intention. We are not back here playing Go Fish.
:'''Dana''': We're doing our best to help some very sick people. You will be seen, OK?
:'''Langdon''': Robby's gonna love that patient satisfaction score.
:'''Lupe Perez''': Crazy people.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Robinavitch''': I hear they're gonna start you working on the Middle East peace plan. Not since the Dalai Lama or Gandhi.
:'''Dana''': They'd be fucking-A right to. You should have seen me. I was inspiring, also terrifying, and a little bit shaming.
:'''Robinavitch''': Holy Trinity of crowd control.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Collins''': Yeah, purulent drainage from the cervix. Got the culture. Oof. Looks like we have our source. The positive urine this morning was contaminated.
:'''McKay''': Maybe.
:''' Collins''': Definitely. Not-so-clean catch specimen.
:'''Robinavitch''': This infection's been brewing for a while.
:'''McKay''': So the car crash was a coincidence.
:'''Robinavitch''': Not necessarily. She was probably already septic as the disease progressed, dropped her BP, and passed out while driving.
:'''McKay''': She wasn't [[w:Hypotension|hypotensive]] when she arrived.
:'''Robinavitch''': Adrenaline rush from the car crash and the sternal fracture raised her BP but not for long.
:'''McKay''': Oh. No history of fever.
:'''Collins''': Bet she was taking Tylenol for the pain.
:'''Robinavitch''': Let's call ICU for an admit. Also want gyn to see her.
:'''McKay''': She had mild lower abdominal pain and a positive urine dip. No fever, no back pain to indicate [[w:pyelonephritis|pyelonephritis]]. She was alert, walking, talking. It just seemed like a simple [[w:Urinary tract infection|UTI]]. I saw no reason to have her wait eight hours for a bed for a pelvic exam. 
:'''Collins''': McKay. Every postpartum patient needs a pelvic exam to rule out [[w:endometritis|endometritis]].
:'''McKay''': Wait, you're saying that with 20/20 hindsight.
:'''Collins''': Did you ask about Tylenol or ibuprofen use? Because that can mask a fever.
:'''McKay''': There was no fever.
:'''Collins''': Did you do a careful abdominal exam?
:'''McKay''': It was a quick chair exam, and there was only mild tenderness over the bladder.
:'''Collins''': Perhaps there was something about the patient that made you overlook proper treatment.
:'''McKay''': Like what, other than the obvious health risk factors?
:'''Collins''': Her size doesn't inherently make her unhealthy.
:'''McKay''': Are you saying I was biased against the patient because of her weight?
:'''Collins''': I raise it as a possibility, not as an accusation.
:'''McKay''': Wow. I mean, I really don't think that's the case here, but I will look out for it. Yeah.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dana''': Excuse me, sir. You're not allowed back there.
:'''Doug Driscoll''': Unless, what, I start a fight? Become homeless? Apparently, that's what it takes.
:'''Dana''': I understand your frustration. I promise you'll be seen as soon as a provider is available.
:'''Doug Driscoll''': But how can they become available if new people keep cutting the fucking line?
:'''Dana''': There's no line. We see patients by severity of need. As soon as we have your tests and labs, you will be seen.
:'''Doug Driscoll''': This place is fucking unbelievable. Runaround after runaround. Hey. What's up, [[w:Erik Estrada|Erik Estrada]]? Still keeping your eye on me?
:'''Mateo Diaz''': Always, my friend. Always. ''[to Dana]'' Who's Erik Estrada?
:'''Dana''': Shame on you. ''[[w:CHiPs|CHiPs]]''. Know your television history.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Javadi''': It's like…my parents took me skiing in Utah for Christmas, and from the moment I got off the plane, I could not catch my breath. No matter how hard I tried, the altitude made me feel, like, awkward and uncoordinated. I couldn't concentrate, I couldn't get my bearings. And I'm a very good skier, but I spent the entire vacation just, like, on my butt, dizzy and panting.
:''[Dana half-glares at her, nudging her to get to the point]''
:'''Javadi''': ''Mateo is like a human Utah.''
:'''Dana''': ''[laughs understandingly]'' Oh honey! I've worked with a few human Utahs. I wish you many, many Utahs in your life.

=== ''4:00 P.M.'' [1.10] ===
:'''Gloria''': ''[after Dana was attacked by a patient]'' Did you fill out an incident report?
:'''Robinavitch''': I don't know, I was more concerned with her having a skull fracture than with your liability.
:'''Gloria''': How'd a guy from the waiting room get back here without anyone noticing?
:'''Robinavitch''': Wow, Gloria! What a great question. Our hard-working nurses were just asking me what steps the hospital plans to take to ensure their safety in the future. Maybe you would like to explain to them why you've denied my request for additional security measures three times in the last four months? If nurses don't feel safe, they're not gonna come to work.
:'''Gloria''': First off, the safety of all our employees is paramount.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Princess''': ''[to Gloria]'' Glad to know the authorities are looking for this psycho, but what are you gonna do to protect the rest of us?
:'''Nurse Kim Tate''': Violence against health care workers is a national problem.
:'''Donnie Donahue''': And it's only getting worse. No surprise there's a nursing shortage everywhere.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Langdon''': An intern has a problem around here, they come to the senior resident, not the attending.
:'''Santos''': He is my attending, and I wanted his input on a patient. Is that not OK with you?
:'''Langdon''': Just, um come to me first next time. Got it?
:'''Santos''': Yep.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''McKay''': Look, do I think he needed to chill out a little bit? Yes. But he's a parent, and this might be his way of coping with the stress of a very frightening situation.
:'''Javadi''': I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me.
:'''McKay''': No, I do. You and that baseball kid are two pressure cooker prodigies in a pod. Just as physicians, we gotta learn to keep our emotions in check and not let our personal experiences interfere with our professional responsibilities.
:'''Javadi''': How long did it take you to learn that?
:'''McKay''': I'm still learning. And I also learned to never get on your bad side.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Robinavitch''': So, in this ER, we all need to work together as a single unified entity. And if two people on my team can't work together, it kind of throws the rhythm of the place off.
:'''Santos''': Understood.
:'''Robinavitch''': My duty, regardless of personal relationships, is to make sure everybody on my team is doing OK. So are you doing OK?
:'''Santos''': Uh, it's not a big deal. I can handle it.
:'''Robinavitch''': Handle what?
:'''Santos''': Nothing. It it's fine. I... I don't wanna get anyone in trouble.
:'''Robinavitch''': Hmm. OK, if there is anything that could affect my ER, I need to know about it, and you have a responsibility to tell me.

=== ''5:00 P.M.'' [1.11] ===
:'''Mohan''': Remember how I said you get good at spotting the fakers?
:'''Whitaker''': Yeah.
:'''Mohan''': He's exhibiting every sign of opiate withdrawal. Eyes dilated, tearing, skin has piloerection and goosebumps. [[w:Hypertension|Hypertension]], [[w:tachycardia|tachycardia]]. Agitation, restlessness, perspiration. He's checking every box.
:'''Whitaker''': Right, but he said he doesn't take drugs and seldom drinks alcohol, so...
:'''Mohan''': That's exactly what he would want you to believe if he was drug-seeking.
:'''Whitaker''': Wow. You're good.
:'''Mohan''': Thanks. I am.
:'''Whitaker''': So how do we treat him?
:'''Mohan''': By getting him to admit his opiate usage.
:'''Whitaker''': Right. How do we do that?
:'''Mohan''': By being smarter than the patient.
:'''Whitaker''': Got it. He said he isn't an addict, so why give him an opiate agonist to treat his withdrawal symptoms?
:'''Mohan''': Because I don't believe him. And I know this will work. Then once he feels better, we can get him to admit to his addiction and treat him long-term.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Theresa Saunders''': The psychologist spoke to me about becoming a petitioner to place David on an involuntary psychiatric hold.
:'''Robinavitch''': Yes.
:'''Theresa Saunders''': But can that be anonymous?
:'''Robinavitch''': No. To call a 302 in the state of Pennsylvania, the petitioner needs to admit to having witnessed the concerning behavior, and you need a physician and a social worker to sign off, which both Kiara and I can do.
:'''Theresa Saunders''': What if I'm wrong?
:'''Robinavitch''': Then you apologize. And we will help you explain that this came from concern for his safety. What if you're right?
:'''Theresa Saunders''': But if I become a petitioner, what am I doing to my son?
:'''Robinavitch''': You are trying to get him the help that it sounds like he needs. David lost his father. That would affect anyone. But we are failing young men, because we don't teach them how to express their emotions. We just tell them to man up, and then we let them get their lessons in manhood from toxic podcasts. And these young men then feel isolated from themselves and society, and they find community and comfort in all the wrong places. David needs help. We don't want to fail him, too.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Robinavitch''': ''[about drinking]'' You ever think about quitting?
:'''Louie Cloverfield''': ''[chuckles]'' I'm not a quitter.
:'''Robinavitch''': Oh, I know you're a happy drunk today. But one day, when your liver fails and believe me, it will fail you won't be so happy. It's not a nice way to go.
:'''Louie Cloverfield''': I'm digging my own grave. Let me.
:'''Robinavitch''': I don't have to give you the shovel.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dana''': I'm already in a bad mood.
:'''Security Guard Ahmad''': I'm just getting some air.
:'''Dana''': ''[scoffs]'' Yeah, right. You're a terrible liar. Hope you're better at security.
:'''Security Guard Ahmad''': Hey, now you're just being mean.
:'''Robinavitch''': You realize that this is the second person to accuse you of that today. - You starting to see a pattern?
:'''Dana''': No. But I am starting to see why Gloria's unhappy with your patient-satisfaction scores.
:''[Robby laughs]''
:'''Dana''': You need something? Or you just here to ruin one of the few things that still brings me a little joy in life?
:'''Robinavitch''': I sent Collins home.
:'''Dana''': You don't want to work with anybody today. You must be in a mood.
:'''Robinavitch''': She's had a rough day.
:'''Dana''': It's going around.
:'''Robinavitch''': You should leave, too.
:'''Dana''': ''[chuckles]'' Yeah. You're good. You're not that good.
:...
:'''Robinavitch''': You do help. You do make a difference. One asshole doesn't get to change that.
:'''Dana''': I think I'm done. ''[sighs]'' 
:'''Robinavitch''': Yeah. I know that one. And I don't blame you. I, uh...I-I-I-I don't know. I don't know. Maybe what I want and what the patients need isn't what's best for you anymore.
:'''Dana''': Yeah.
:'''Robinavitch''': I just honestly don't know what I'm going to do without you.
:'''Dana''': You'll figure it out. You always do. You're a good man, Robinavitch. Don't let this place take that from you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Robinavitch''': How you feeling, Mr. Pugliesi?
:'''Ivan Pugliesi''': Oh, so much better. Thank you. You guys think that I could have a little bit more of that medicine, just for the few days that I'm out here? I just want to be able to walk my daughter down the aisle without shitting myself.
:'''Robinavitch''': The medication we gave you wasn't morphine. It was something called [[w:buprenorphine|buprenorphine]], or BUPE.
:'''Ivan Pugliesi''': Yeah, no, she said that. I mean, whatever you call it, Doc, it worked great.
:'''Robinavitch''': It's a medicine specifically targeted to treat opioid withdrawal. That's why it worked.
:'''Ivan Pugliesi''': Wait, I-I don't I don't understand.
:'''Robinavitch''': All indicators are that you have been using opioids. That would include pain medication like [[w:hydrocodone|hydrocodone]], [[w:oxycodone|oxycodone]].
:'''Ivan Pugliesi''': I told them I don't do drugs. Wow. You lied to me.
:'''Mohan''': I didn't lie. I said I was giving you a morphine-like drug that got rid of your cravings.
:'''Ivan Pugliesi''': Well, you know what? This is bullshit. I mean, you know, I could sue all of you. You hear me? I'm not some junkie on the street. Look, look, I-I got a family. I got a job. I make good money. I, you know, I return my shopping carts. I pay my taxes. That sound like a drug addict to you?
:'''Robinavitch''': Yes, because anybody can be an addict. You are proof of that. These pills that you were taking, they're not helping you with your pain. They are keeping you stuck in it. A lot of really good people struggle with addiction. It is a brain disease. But social environment and personal choice are also factors.
:'''Ivan Pugliesi''': I don't have a problem.
:'''Robinavitch''': The good news is that the brain is highly dynamic, as is the environment. But you need to stop now before the damage is irreparable.
:'''Ivan Pugliesi''': No, screw this hospital, okay? And screw you.
:'''Robinavitch''': Hey. Doctor Mohan -- Doctor Mohan will advise you on our proposed action plan. You can either choose to follow it or not. That is entirely up to you. I wish you luck, Mr. Pugliesi.
:'''Mohan''': We're giving you a seven-day supply of a drug called Suboxone. We can set you up with a medic...
:'''Ivan Pugliesi''': Fuck off. I'm not interested.

=== ''6:00 P.M.'' [1.12] ===
:'''Robinavitch''': There is an active shooter at PittFest. As the nearest trauma center, we are going to be getting the majority of the victims. We don't know yet how many we are getting, but we are instituting hospital-wide emergency protocols. We need to move every patient out of here. They either go home, they go upstairs, or they go to Family Medicine. Call your loved ones now if you need to. I can guarantee you cell service will soon be overwhelmed. Eat something. Stay hydrated. Use the bathroom while there's time and meet back here for a full briefing in five minutes.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[&quot;Code Triage, Emergency Department now.&quot; over Public Address system]'' 
:'''Gloria''': We're locking down the hospital and setting up a command center in Administration. We'll coordinate logistics, supplies, communication.
:'''Dana''': How many casualties?
:'''Robinavitch''': Unclear, but initial reports are not good.
:'''Dana''': OK.
:'''Robinavitch''': The night shift is gonna be here soon, but we are gonna need more help, especially from Surgery and Anesthesiology.
:'''Gloria''': [[w:Mass casualty incident|MCI]] group text and email went out to everyone, including Transport and Environmental Services.
:'''Robinavitch''': OK, good. ''[to Dana]'' Hey, everyone's gonna want to come in to help. Keep enough in reserve. Tell them to come in eight hours later to give us a break. And can you try and reach Jake?
:'''Dana''': Of course.
:'''Robinavitch''': Surgery's got to call in the cavalry. We're gonna need all 25 ORs.
:'''Gloria''': Ahead of you. Four ORs are prepped and staffed, and we're working on getting the rest up and running.
:'''Robinavitch''': What about disaster supplies?
:'''Gloria''': On their way.
:'''Robinavitch''': Every patient in the ER needs to go up. Beds or no beds, they'll get better care in an upstairs hallway than ignored down here.
:'''Gloria''': Agreed.
:'''Whitaker''': There's a whole wing that's empty on the eighth floor. I don't know if that's...
:'''Gloria''': But no nurses to staff it.
:'''Robinavitch''': No comment on that one. Waiting room and Triage can go to Family Medicine Urgent Care. And we should turn off the TVs. We don't need to cause any extra panic.
:'''Gloria''': Will do.
:'''Robinavitch''': The cafeteria will handle the family members and survivors.
:'''Gloria''': What else do you need?
:'''Robinavitch''': Prayers wouldn't hurt.
:'''Gloria''': Amen to that.
:'''Robinavitch''': Keep the press out of here.
:'''Gloria''': Gladly. Call me directly if you need anything else.
:'''Robinavitch''': OK, will do. Thank you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Robinavitch''': This is how it's going to work. Our ambulance bay is now our Triage. EMS will be overwhelmed. Most will probably arrive by car, several victims per vehicle. For all you newbies that don't know, Dr. Shen is our night shift attending. John, I'm gonna put you on Point Triage.
:'''Dr. Shen''': Cool.
:'''Robinavitch''': Triage will decide who goes where depending on their injury.
:'''Abbot''': Every department will have a designated primary who will oversee their staff. If you need someone, look for the vest. We're all gonna have walkies. We can get you whatever you need.
:'''Robinavitch''': No patient goes into a room unless it's a trauma bay, and they will have four patients each. We need to keep everybody out in the open so we can keep an eye on everything, OK? Triage is gonna assess and assign every patient to a specific zone with a colored slap band. Patient who comes in with a red slap band goes to the Red Zone, which is the trauma rooms, with overflow out here. These are the most critical patients who will die without immediate attention. Samira, where are you? You are here with Dr. Abbot and me. Jack's gonna run traffic.
:'''Abbot''': We have five minutes to try and stabilize the reds. After that, it's OR, ICU, or morgue.
:'''Robinavitch''': The south and central common area over there will be the Pink Zone. That is for patients who will die in under an hour without treatment. McKay and Javadi, you are over there, with help from incoming night shift and surgical staff. Yellow Zone is the North Corridor. Those are gonna be mostly extremity wounds good vitals, talking. Mel, you're gonna run point there with Santos and Whitaker.
:'''King''': Uh, what if what if there's a-a pulseless extremity?
:'''Abbot''': Oh, if you if you can't feel a pulse, check for [[w:Doppler ultrasonography|Doppler flow]] with this. It's a mini-ultrasound. Follow the screen prompts.
:'''Robinavitch''': But a yellow can change to a red if they go south. You got to stay on top of them, even if they seem stable.
:'''King''': OK, yeah.
:'''Robinavitch''': You got this, Dr. King. Green minor lacs and sprains. They go to Family Medicine. Black and white bands are DOA, imminent death. Pedes is now our morgue. Let's hope we don't get too many of these.
:'''Abbot''': We're a [[w:Mobile Army Surgical Hospital|MASH unit]] now. There's no charting, no electronic medical records, no board.
:'''McKay''': How do we document treatment?
:'''Abbot''': Oh, you'll all get Sharpies, and every patient has a wrist chart to document treatment and procedures. You run out of room, write on the patient's forehead.
:'''McKay''': Really?
:'''Abbot''': Yeah, really.
:'''Robinavitch''': Each wrist chart has a unique mass-casualty-incident barcode and patient number. That's how the patients are gonna get identified.
:'''Abbot''': This is no-frills combat-zone medicine. No ultrasound, no X-rays, no CT, no labs. Assess based on mental status and pulse strength. Every critical patient gets an IO, intubation, a unit of blood and chest tube if needed. Everything you need blood, drugs, bandages everything will be in the Behavioral Health rooms. That's our supply depot. Um oh, keep a couple of 11 blades in your pocket. Goal is to resuscitate ASAP so they'll make it upstairs for definitive care.
:'''Robinavitch''': Trauma surgery and neurosurgery will decide who goes up to the OR immediately and who goes to the ICU for further treatment and evaluation. Communicate. Ask for help if you need it. Trust your attendings. We will get through this together.
:'''Abbot''': Damn right we will.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dr. Shen''': That's a lot of wrist charts.
:'''Robinavitch''': Let's hope we don't need them all. Were you at the last mass-casualty faculty meeting?
:'''Dr. Shen''': Oh, no. I was still a resident three months ago.
:'''Robinavitch''': Right. Wow. Well, one patient at a time, right? The goal is to triage each patient in ten seconds.
:'''Dr. Shen''': Ten seconds, got it.
:'''Robinavitch''': Mental status is [w:AVPU|]]. Alert, response to verbal, response to pain, unresponsive.
:'''Dr. Shen''': Yep.
:'''Robinavitch''': Next, do they have a pulse? Radial, carotid, or femoral tells you where to send them. That's it.
:'''Dr. Shen''': OK. Cool. Oh, I heard it might rain today.
:'''Robinavitch''': John?
:'''Dr. Shen''': Yeah, man.
:'''Robinavitch''': Mental status and pulse gives you everything you need.
:'''Dr. Shen''': Cool.
:'''Robinavitch''': Unresponsive with no pulses, slap a black and white band on them, send them to the morgue. Responds to pain with a faint groan, weak femoral pulse, no radial?
:'''Dr. Shen''': Uh, red.
:'''Robinavitch''': Right. Slap a red band on them, send them back. Awake, alert with strong radial?
:'''Dr. Shen''': Trick question. Could be green, Family Medicine for scrapes or sprains, but stable, penetrating extremity wounds go to yellow.
:'''Robinavitch''': Perfect.
:'''Dr. Shen''': Dude, relax. I got the front door. You worry about the back.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''King''': Oh, um, and four of [[w:Cefazolin|Ancef]]. Sorry, I forgot the Ancef. Thank you... .
:'''Perlah Alawi''': Mel! Mel, I need you to reassess, please, now.
:'''King''': Sylvia? Oh, Sylvia. Her pulse is weak and thready. She's, uh, bleeding out from her liver lac. I need O-neg!
:'''Dana''': O-neg's gone, honey. Gloria's got more flying in. Incident Command, what's the ETA on our blood?
:''[Incident Command relays it would take eight to ten minutes]''
:'''Dana''': The patient's gonna have to get by with a liter of saline.
:'''King''': No, no, she needs blood, not crystalloid. Um, can she go to surgery?
:'''Dana''': All right, she's next to go, as soon as we get an open OR.
:'''King''': She's not gonna last that long -- Dr. Robby. Dr. Robby! Dr. Robby, we're out of O-neg, but I'm O-neg. Can I donate?
:'''Robinavitch''': Gloria's got more blood flying in.
:'''King''': But I need it now.
:'''Robinavitch''': What is our blood status?
:'''Dana''': Just used the last units of O-neg and O-pos. More flying in.
:'''Robinavitch''': ETA?
:'''Dana''': Less than 10.
:'''King''': Some patients are not gonna last that long. And I'm sure there are other O-neg donors that probably work here, so...
:'''Robinavitch''': It would take hours to screen for HIV and hepatitis.
:'''King''': Well, I have neither, and I donate all the time.
:''[Robby sighs]''
:'''King''': Please.
:'''Robinavitch''': Fuck it. If the patient's gonna die before they get to the OR, then the benefits outweigh the risks.
:'''Dana''': My man. All right, kid, roll up your sleeve I'll meet you in 7. Listen up. Central 7, 8, 9 is now the blood donor center. Anyone who's O-neg or O-pos, we need you to donate now. Hands where I can see them. OK, let's do this.

=== ''7:00 P.M.'' [1.13] ===
:'''Robinavitch''': ''[to his adopted son, about his girlfriend]'' Leah's injuries were really serious. She stopped breathing. We put a tube down her throat to deliver oxygen. We were able to drain the blood that was collapsing her lungs. We gave her as much blood as we could. We even transfused some of her own blood that was in her chest. But we were unable to get ahead of the massive blood loss. Her heart stopped. You saw me doing CPR. We did everything that we could.
:'''Jake Malloy''': She's dead?
:'''Robinavitch: Her heart was damaged beyond repair. There was nothing that we could do to save her. And I don't know how many people I've helped today, but I can tell you every other person who has died. There was a man named Mr. Spencer, who died in front of his children, and an 18-year-old who who was brain dead from a fentanyl overdose and a guy with a heart condition and a little girl who drowned trying to save her sister. ''[sobbing]'' And I'm gonna remember Leah long after you've forgotten her.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mohan''': What are you doing?
:'''Langdon''': Giving this guy a chance. He needs a big central line for fast transfusion.
:'''Mohan'': You can't do an IJ without an ultrasound, especially on a guy this big.
:'''Mateo Diaz''': You'll kill him if you collapse a lung or hit the carotid.
:'''Langdon''': I'm not doing an IJ. Unhook that blood line. Bring it up here. This is a supraclavicular [[w:Subclavian artery|subclavian]]. If you have to go in blind, this is the only safe way to access a giant vein. And hold compressions. A centimeter from the lateral head of the [[w:Sternocleidomastoid muscle|sternocleidomastoid]], a centimeter off the clavicle, aiming at the contralateral nipple. I'm in. Okay, resume compressions. And squeeze blood.
:'''Mohan''': Where'd you learn that?
:'''Langdon''': &quot;EM: RAP&quot; podcast. We'll be ready for a second unit in under a minute. Boom.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Whitaker''': What are you doing?
:'''Santos''': Prepping for [[w:Resuscitative endovascular balloon occlusion of the aorta|REBOA]].
:'''Whitaker''': Are you crazy? Did Abbot approve this?
:'''Santos''': He said, do what you have to do. Attendings are all tied up. If I can blow up a balloon in the aorta, it'll stop the bleeding.
:'''Whitaker''': It'll cut off the blood supply to half her body.
:'''Santos''': I'll only go in a few inches, zone three, below the kidneys, until she gets up to the OR. Glove up, Huckleberry.
:'''Whitaker''': Okay, you're gonna need an ultrasound, X-ray.
:'''Santos''': Not today.
:'''Whitaker''': Have you done this before?
:'''Santos''': It's a central line. I just need to hit the femoral artery like that. Piece of cake. All right, guidewire, then introducer sheath.

=== ''8:00 P.M.'' [1.14] ===
:'''Robinavitch''': I just wanted to say thank you for earlier when I was, um
:'''Whitaker''': Oh, your brief moment of silent reflection?
:'''Robinavitch''': Yeah. You didn't mention that to anybody?
:'''Whitaker''': No, no. God, no. No.
:'''Robinavitch''': I don't know what that was. I was just felt like I was drowning.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Whitaker''': What was that you were reciting?
:'''Robinavitch''': It's called the ''[[w:Shema|Shema]]'' prayer. It's a declaration of faith in God. I lived with my grandmother when I was little, and she and I used to recite it every morning.
:'''Whitaker''': &quot;Even youths grow tired and weary, &quot;and young men stumble and fall. &quot;But those who hold hope in the Lord &quot;will renew their strength and soar on wings like eagles.&quot; It's [[Isaiah]] 40. I was an undergrad theology major.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Abbot''': Okay, nipples to navel is no man's land. If he got shot while exhaling, the bullet possibly passed below the diaphragm.

=== ''9:00 P.M.'' [1.15] ===
:'''Dr. Walsh''': Once I'm through the fascia, you're gonna sweep a finger around the bladder, open up the [[w:Retropubic space|space of Retzius]].
:'''Dr. Shen''': Named after [[w:Anders Retzius|Anders Retzius]], 19th-century Swedish professor of anatomy.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Abbot''': Deaver [[w:Retractor (medicine)|retractor]].
:'''Dr. Walsh''': Named for [[w:John Blair Deaver|John Blair Deaver]], Philadelphia surgeon who revolutionized abdominal surgery in the early 1900s.
:'''Abbot''': I'm surrounded by med nerds.
:'''Dr. Walsh''': I went to med school at Penn. I walked by his portrait every day. Dude did, like, 100,000 surgeries.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Santos''': I know [[w:Krav Maga|Krav Maga]].
:'''Whitaker''': Cool. I don't know who that is, but he sounds very protective of you.
:'''Santos''': The chances of this working are diminishing by the second. I'm just fucking with you, Whitaker. You're such a Huckleberry.

== Season 2 ==
=== ''7:00 A.M.'' [2.01] ===
:'''Whitaker''': One of the things we like to do here, when we have the time, is to take a moment of silence when we lose a patient to respect their humanity. He was someone's son, perhaps a father himself, a brother or friend. Oh, make sure your phones are on silent.

=== ''8:00 A.M.'' [2.02] ===
:'''Al-Hashimi''': This should be done in the O.R.
:'''Garcia''': I ''am'' the O.R.!

=== ''8:00 P.M.'' [2.14] ===
:'''Duke''':  I can see why you liked restoring this bike. You're a fixer. I fix bikes, but you fix people. That's pretty damn impressive, man.
:'''Robinavitch''': Some people can't be fixed.
:'''Duke''': Look, I'm-- I've done plenty of things I'm not proud of.
:'''Robinavitch''': Yeah, me too.
:'''Duke''': No, bad things-- hurt people on purpose, hurt myself. And I did my time, but that doesn't wash away the regret. I... wish I'd done things differently. I think about it every day.
:'''Robinavitch''': You know, they say that it's never too late to change.
:'''Duke''': Some things can't be changed, like death. Death can't be changed.
:'''Robinavitch''': Hey, I know the surgery is scary--
:'''Duke''': I'm not talking about me.
:'''Robinavitch''': Yeah, I don't know if I wanna be here anymore.
:'''Duke''': I don't know how you stand 12 minutes in there, let alone 12 hours, 20 years.
:'''Robinavitch''': No. That's the only place I can be. I have purpose in there. I can be distracted in there. I don't know that I wanna be... anywhere anymore.
:'''Duke''': So what's the plan?
:'''Robinavitch''': Ride.
:'''Duke''': Toward what?
:'''Robinavitch''': I don't know.
:'''Duke''': Away from what?
:'''Robinavitch''': Everything.
:'''Duke''': Well, that's not riding. That's running. Is that your final lesson for these kids?

=== ''9:00 P.M.'' [2.15] ===
:''[Abbot gives his night shift a pep talk]''
:'''Abbot''': We are the Night Crawlers! We deal with the weirdest and the wildest because…
:'''Night Shift''': We are the weirdest and the wildest of them all!
:'''Abbot''': That is right, and tonight they are ''really'' gonna be crawling. Now go get some!
:'''Night Shift''': HOOAH!
:''[Santos snaps out of half-sleep nearby]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Langdon''': You know who I saw in rehab? I saw a bunch of guys just like you. The only difference is, they've accepted that they need help. I think you're afraid to admit the mighty Dr. Robinavitch isn't perfect.
:'''Robinavitch''': I never claimed to be perfect.
:'''Langdon''': No, but you expect it of yourself and it's not realistic, man. How can any of us live up to your standards if you can't even do it? You need help, Robby. You need help.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Abbot''': You want to know why I never killed myself. After what I saw, lived through. Losing my leg, losing... my wife. Because ''it'' comes for all of us, man. You and I know it more than most. We see it every shift, but we can't let ourselves succumb to it. Yes, life can suck. It can be unbearable and-and-and brutal and ugly and heartbreaking; but it's also beautiful, and hilarious and that woman today, her baby, they both be in the morgue if you hadn't been here. That's us. That's you and me. That's what we're here for.  
:'''Robinavitch''': The most important things I've ever done in my life have been in this hospital. Nothing will ever matter more than what I've done in this hospital, but it is killing me. You know how they say that a part of you dies when you lose someone you love? I'm not convinced that a part of you doesn't die every time you see a fellow human pass. And I've seen so many people die that I feel like it's leaching something from my soul.
:'''Abbot''': Go on a cruise man. Knock off this helmet-less motorcycle shit. Yeah, people talk. That's death wish behavior. 
:'''Robinavitch''': I'm tired of being a role model. Tired of feeling like you can't get ahead. Tired of feeling like I'm drowning every day. Tired of all of it. 
:'''Abbot''': You need to get away for a while. You need to get some help. You need this place as much as it needs you.
:'''Robinavitch''': Am I fucked up?
:'''Abbot''': 100 percent. But nobody works here as long as you and me and doesn't get screwed up. You've gotta find somebody to help you dance through the darkness.
:'''Robinavitch''': ''[pause]'' Did you just make that up?
:'''Abbot''': Maybe it's a song lyric. I don't know. Maybe my therapist said it. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Robinavitch''': ''[to Baby Jane Doe]'' You got off to kind of a rough start, didn't you, little one? Well, that makes two of us. I got abandoned, too. When I was eight. but I got through all of that, and so will you. I got a good feeling that you're gonna be just fine. Everything's gonna be just fine. You got so many wonderful things to see, and so many people to love ahead of you. So many wonderful things to see, people to love ahead of you.

== Cast ==
* [[w:Noah Wyle|Noah Wyle]] - Dr. [[w:Michael &quot;Robby&quot; Robinavitch|Michael &quot;Robby&quot; Robinavitch]]
* [[w:Tracy Ifeachor|Tracy Ifeachor]] - Dr. Heather Collins (season 1)
* [[w:Patrick Ball (actor)|Patrick Ball]] - Dr. Frank Langdon 
* [[w:Katherine LaNasa|Katherine LaNasa]] - [[w:Dana Evans (The Pitt)|Dana Evans]]
* [[w:Supriya Ganesh|Supriya Ganesh]] - Dr. Samira Mohan
* [[Fiona Dourif]] - Dr. Cassie McKay
* [[w:Taylor Dearden|Taylor Dearden]] - Dr. Melissa &quot;Mel&quot; King
* [[w:Isa Briones|Isa Briones]] - Dr. Trinity Santos
* [[w:Gerran Howell|Gerran Howell]] - [[w:Dennis Whitaker|Dennis Whitaker]]
* [[w:Shabana Azeez|Shabana Azeez]] - Victoria Javadi
* [[w:Sepideh Moafi|Sepideh Moafi]] - Dr. Baran Al-Hashimi (season 2)
* [[w:Shawn Hatosy|Shawn Hatosy]] - Dr. Jack Abbot
* [[w:Kristin Villanueva|Kristin Villanueva]] - Princess Dela Cruz
* Amielynn Abellera - Perlah Alawi
* [[w:Alexandra Metz|Alexandra Metz]] - Dr. Yolanda Garcia

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}} 
* {{imdb title|31938062|The Pitt}}
* [https://www.max.com/shows/pitt-2024/e6e7bad9-d48d-4434-b334-7c651ffc4bdf ''The Pitt''] on [[w:HBO Max|HBO Max]]

{{DEFAULTSORT:Pitt, The}}
[[Category:Medical drama TV shows]]
[[Category:HBO Max shows]]
[[Category:Current shows]]
[[Category:TV shows set in Pittsburgh]]</text>
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  <page>
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      <text bytes="4448" sha1="ke96lng5z797pkwr8astz7fur7aeegw" xml:space="preserve">I am taking on a personal challenge to create at least one article every day for 100 days. --[[User:Saroj|Saroj]] ([[User talk:Saroj|talk]]) 13:48, 7 March 2026 (UTC)

# [[Margaret Qualley]], American actress. 7 March 2026
# [[Sabrina Carpenter]], American singer, songwriter, and actress. 8 March 2026
# [[Materialists (film)|''Materialists'' (film)]], 2025 film by [[Celine Song]]. 9 March 2026
# ''[[We Live in Time]]'', 2024 film by John Crowley. 10 March 2026
# ''[[Cha Cha Real Smooth]]'', 2022 film by Cooper Raiff. 11 March 2026
# [[Balen Shah]], Nepalese rapper and politician. 12 March 2026
# [[Sydney Sweeney]], American actress. 13 March 2026
# [[Eternity (2025 film)|''Eternity'' (2025 film)]], 2025 film by David Freyne. 14 March 2026
# [[Alia Bhatt]], British actress. 15 March 2026
# ''[[Uncut Gems]]'', 2019 film by the Safdie brothers. 16 March 2026
# [[Ejae]], South Korean and American singer and songwriter. 17 March 2026
# [[Gracie Abrams]], American singer and songwriter. 18 March 2026
# [[Sara Arjun]], Indian actress.  19 March 2026
# [[Maya Hawke]], American actress and singer-songwriter. 20 March 2026
# [[Tate McRae]], Canadian singer, songwriter, and dancer. 21 March 2026
# [[Dakota Johnson]], American actress. 22 March 2026
# [[August Ames]], Canadian pornographic actress. 23 March 2026
# [[Amy Adams]], American actress. 24 March 2026
# [[Alexandra Botez]], American-Canadian chess player. 25 March 2026
# [[Andrea Botez]], American-Canadian chess player. 26 March 2026
# [[Rachel Zegler]], American actress and singer. 27 March 2026
# [[Amybeth McNulty]], Irish and Canadian actress. 28 March 2026
# [[Robert Pattinson]], English actor. 29 March 2026
# [[Emily Willis]], American pornographic actress. 30 March 2026
# [[Sofia Carson]], American actress and singer. 31 March 2026
# [[Lola Tung]], American actress. 1 April 2026
# [[Charli XCX]], British singer. 2 April 2026
# [[Yami Gautam]], Indian actress. 3 April 2026
# [[Lily James]], English actress. 4 April 2026
# [[Maude Apatow]], American actress. 5 April 2026
# [[Pokimane]], Moroccan and Canadian streamer and YouTuber. 6 April 2026
# [[MrBeast]], American YouTuber. 7 April 2026
# [[Sophia Lillis]], American actress. 8 April 2026
# [[Cailee Spaeny]], American actress. 9 April 2026
# [[Milly Alcock]], Australian actress. 10 April 2026
# [[Alexa Demie]], American actress. 11 April 2026
# [[Austin Butler]], American actor. 12 April 2026
# [[Rosé (singer)|Rosé]], New Zealand and South Korean singer. 13 April 2026
# [[Barry Keoghan]], Irish actor. 14 April 2026
# [[Jessie Buckley]], Irish actress and singer. 15 April 2026
# [[Úrsula Corberó]], Spanish actress. 16 April 2026
# [[Nischal Basnet]], Nepalese film director and actor. 17 April 2026
# [[Ram Charan]], Indian actor. 18 April 2026
# [[Farhan Akhtar]], Indian actor, filmmaker and singer. 19 April 2026
# [[Sajal Aly]], Pakistani actress. 20 April 2026
# [[Kajal Aggarwal]], Indian actress. 21 April 2026
# [[Zac Efron]], American actor. 22 April 2026
# [[Sara Ali Khan]], Indian actress. 23 April 2026
# [[Katrina Kaif]], British actress. 24 April 2026
# [[Vikram (actor)|Vikram]], Indian actor. 25 April 2026
# [[Nicole Wallace]], Spanish actress. 26 April 2026
# [[Aneet Padda]], Indian actress. 27 April 2026
# [[Michael (2026 film)|''Michael'' (2026 film)]], 2026 American film directed by Antoine Fuqua. 28 April 2026
# [[Ryan Gosling]], Canadian actor. 29 April 2026
# [[Diljit Dosanjh]], Indian singer and actor. 30 April 2026
# [[John Abraham]], Indian actor and film producer. 1 May 2026
# [[Suriya]], Indian actor and film producer. 2 May 2026
# [[Rashmika Mandanna]], Indian actress. 3 May 2026
# [[Trisha Krishnan]], Indian actress. 4 May 2026
# [[Henry Cavill]], British actor. 5 May 2026
# [[Bhavitha Mandava]], Indian model. 6 May 2026
# [[Vicky Kaushal]], Indian actor. 7 May 2026
# [[Allu Arjun]], Indian actor. 8 May 2026
# [[Iqra Aziz]], Pakistani actress. 9 May 2026
# [[Keerthy Suresh]], Indian actress. 10 May 2026
# [[Chloë Grace Moretz]], American actress. 11 May 2026
# [[Parineeti Chopra]], Indian actress. 12 May 2026
# [[Saoirse Ronan]], American-born Irish actress. 13 May 2026
# [[Olivia Cooke]], British actress. 14 May 2026
# [[Mrunal Thakur]], Indian actress. 15 May 2026
# [[Hunter Schafer]], American actress and model. 16 May 2026
# [[Nayanthara]], Indian actress and film producer. 17 May 2026
# [[Madison Beer]], American singer. 18 May 2026</text>
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  <page>
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        <username>Ollin Masa</username>
        <id>3311333</id>
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      <text bytes="4831" sha1="8lqmrqq0eip61irwhnwhy2ccmqga4zy" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Chip Taylor.jpg|thumb|There'll be no strings to bind your [[hands]] &lt;br /&gt; Not if my [[love]] can't bind your [[heart]].]]

'''[[w:Chip Taylor|James Wesley Voight]]''' ([[21 March]] [[1940]] – [[23 March]] [[2026]]), known professionally as '''Chip Taylor''', was an American songwriter and singer noted for writing ''[[w:Angel of the Morning|Angel of the Morning]]'' and ''[[w:Wild Thing|Wild Thing]]''.

== Quotes ==
[[File:Chip Taylor's Last Chance, 1973.png|thumb|I see no [[need]] to take me [[home]]&lt;br /&gt; I'm old enough to face the dawn&lt;br /&gt; Just call me [[angel]] of the [[morning]], angel!]]
[[File:HSB 2005 - Chip Taylor.jpg|thumb|To [[be]] or not to be,&lt;br /&gt; To [[free]] or not to free,&lt;br /&gt; To crawl or not to crawl.&lt;br /&gt; Fuck all those [[perfect]] [[people]]!]]
* Wild thing&lt;br /&gt; You make my heart sing&lt;br /&gt; You make everything groovy&lt;br /&gt; Wild thing&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt; Wild thing, I think I love you&lt;br /&gt; But I wanna know for sure&lt;br /&gt; So come on and hold me tight&lt;br /&gt; I love you.
** [[w:Wild Thing (The Troggs song)|''Wild Thing'' (1965)]] · [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9rxDOncgSrY The Wild Ones (1965)] · [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jtJyfRCW3Ng The Troggs (1966)] [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xVN8_7wVSG0 Jimmi Hendrix at Monterey Pop (1967)] · [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-aJWGSoAMA Chip Taylor performance with Kendall Carson (13 June 2010)]

* There'll be no strings to bind your hands&lt;br /&gt; Not if my love can't bind your heart&lt;br /&gt; There's no need to take a stand&lt;br /&gt; For it was I who chose to start&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; I see no need to take me home&lt;br /&gt; I'm old enough to face the dawn&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Just call me angel of the morning, angel&lt;br /&gt; Just touch my cheek before you leave me, baby&lt;br /&gt; Just call me angel of the morning, angel&lt;br /&gt; Then slowly turn away from me.
** ''[[w:Angel of the Morning|Angel of the Morning]]''  (1966) · [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6f5alFNMEBQ Evie Sands version (1967)] · [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=24rYz9QAvdQ Merilee Rush performance (1968)] [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HTzGMEfbnAw Juice Newton performance (1981)] · [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kCuoNGMzUlI Chip Taylor performance (29 May 2013)]

* To be or not to be,&lt;br /&gt; To free or not to free,&lt;br /&gt; To crawl or not to crawl.&lt;br /&gt; Fuck all those perfect people!&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; To sleep or not to sleep,&lt;br /&gt; To creep or not to creep.&lt;br /&gt; And some can't remember,&lt;br /&gt; What others recall...&lt;br /&gt; Fuck all those perfect people!
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=amIMdUYEIJU ''Fuck All The Perfect People'' - Chip'Taylor &amp; The New Ukrainians Alt version (2012)]

=== ''Block Out The Sirens of This Lonely World'' (2013) ===
[[File:Leonardo da Vinci, Salvator Mundi, c.1500, oil on walnut, 45.4 × 65.6 cm.jpg|thumb|Be that as it may, be that as it may not be! &lt;br /&gt; [[Jesus]] was a [[Union]] electrician by the [[sea]] of Galilee.]]

==== Fuck All The Perfect People Part II (The Last Video) ====
:&lt;small&gt;[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0xK5YHU2-jY Fuck All The Perfect People Part II (The Last Video)]&lt;/small&gt; 
* Be that as it may, be that as it may not be!&lt;br /&gt; Jesus was a Union electrician by the sea of Galilee.&lt;br /&gt; He lit up the first moving picture just to brighten up the show.&lt;br /&gt; Will you be there in the last video?

* Be that as it may, be that as it might!&lt;br /&gt; Jesus shot in eight millimeter, he preferred the black and white.&lt;br /&gt; He said: &quot;do not play up to the lens, boys and girls,&lt;br /&gt; just give me what you know&lt;br /&gt; and I will see you in the last video!&quot;

* Will you be there in the last video?&lt;br /&gt; Will your name be on the roll call at the end, my friend?&lt;br /&gt; Where the angels, and the gamblers, and the prisoners come and go?&lt;br /&gt; Will you be there in the last video?

* Be that as it may, be that as it may not be!&lt;br /&gt; Some of us get in the way, oh, just look at you and me!&lt;br /&gt; And screw all the perfect people! Jesus said that long ago!&lt;br /&gt; Will you be there in the last video?

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}
* [http://spectropop.com/ChipTaylor/ Interview with Chip Taylor by Spectropop]
* [https://web.archive.org/web/20070220095915/http://www.secondhandsongs.com/song/29292.html Cover History of ''Wild Thing'' on Second Hand Songs]
* [https://web.archive.org/web/20190115062212/http://www.trainwreckrecords.com/artists/chip_taylor.html Train Wreck Records site for Chip Taylor]
* {{IMDb name|id=0852118|name=Chip Taylor}}
* [http://www.songwriter.co.uk/page742.html Interview with Chip Taylor in International Songwriters Association's ''Songwriter Magazine'']


{{DEFAULTSORT:Taylor, Chip}}
[[Category:1940 births]]
[[Category:2026 deaths]]
[[Category:American country singer-songwriters]]
[[Category:Singers from New York City]]
[[Category:Record producers from the United States]]</text>
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      <text bytes="4830" sha1="gyupj10stmdpkbwydax4evljwlx35gb" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Chip Taylor.jpg|thumb|There'll be no strings to bind your [[hands]] &lt;br /&gt; Not if my [[love]] can't bind your [[heart]].]]

'''[[w:Chip Taylor|James Wesley Voight]]''' ([[21 March]] [[1940]] – [[23 March]] [[2026]]), known professionally as '''Chip Taylor''', was an American songwriter and singer noted for writing ''[[w:Angel of the Morning|Angel of the Morning]]'' and ''[[w:Wild Thing|Wild Thing]]''.

== Quotes ==
[[File:Chip Taylor's Last Chance, 1973.png|thumb|I see no [[need]] to take me [[home]]&lt;br /&gt; I'm old enough to face the dawn&lt;br /&gt; Just call me [[angel]] of the [[morning]], angel!]]
[[File:HSB 2005 - Chip Taylor.jpg|thumb|To [[be]] or not to be,&lt;br /&gt; To [[free]] or not to free,&lt;br /&gt; To crawl or not to crawl.&lt;br /&gt; Fuck all those [[perfect]] [[people]]!]]
* Wild thing&lt;br /&gt; You make my heart sing&lt;br /&gt; You make everything groovy&lt;br /&gt; Wild thing&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt; Wild thing, I think I love you&lt;br /&gt; But I wanna know for sure&lt;br /&gt; So come on and hold me tight&lt;br /&gt; I love you.
** [[w:Wild Thing (The Troggs song)|''Wild Thing'' (1965)]] · [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9rxDOncgSrY The Wild Ones (1965)] · [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jtJyfRCW3Ng The Troggs (1966)] [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xVN8_7wVSG0 Jimmi Hendrix at Monterey Pop (1967)] · [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-aJWGSoAMA Chip Taylor performance with Kendall Carson (13 June 2010)]

* There'll be no strings to bind your hands&lt;br /&gt; Not if my love can't bind your heart&lt;br /&gt; There's no need to take a stand&lt;br /&gt; For it was I who chose to start&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; I see no need to take me home&lt;br /&gt; I'm old enough to face the dawn&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Just call me angel of the morning, angel&lt;br /&gt; Just touch my cheek before you leave me, baby&lt;br /&gt; Just call me angel of the morning, angel&lt;br /&gt; Then slowly turn away from me.
** ''[[w:Angel of the Morning|Angel of the Morning]]''  (1966) · [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6f5alFNMEBQ Evie Sands version (1967)] · [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=24rYz9QAvdQ Merilee Rush performance (1968)] [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HTzGMEfbnAw Juice Newton performance (1981)] · [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kCuoNGMzUlI Chip Taylor performance (29 May 2013)]

* To be or not to be,&lt;br /&gt; To free or not to free,&lt;br /&gt; To crawl or not to crawl.&lt;br /&gt; Fuck all those perfect people!&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; To sleep or not to sleep,&lt;br /&gt; To creep or not to creep.&lt;br /&gt; And some can't remember,&lt;br /&gt; What others recall...&lt;br /&gt; Fuck all those perfect people!
** [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=amIMdUYEIJU ''Fuck All The Perfect People'' - Chip'Taylor &amp; The New Ukrainians Alt version (2012)]

=== ''Block Out The Sirens of This Lonely World'' (2013) ===
[[File:Leonardo da Vinci, Salvator Mundi, c.1500, oil on walnut, 45.4 × 65.6 cm.jpg|thumb|Be that as it may, be that as it may not be! &lt;br /&gt; [[Jesus]] was a [[Union]] electrician by the [[sea]] of Galilee.]]

==== Fuck All The Perfect People Part II (The Last Video) ====
:&lt;small&gt;[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0xK5YHU2-jY Fuck All The Perfect People Part II (The Last Video)]&lt;/small&gt; 
* Be that as it may, be that as it may not be!&lt;br /&gt; Jesus was a Union electrician by the sea of Galilee.&lt;br /&gt; He lit up the first moving picture just to brighten up the show.&lt;br /&gt; Will you be there in the last video?

* Be that as it may, be that as it might!&lt;br /&gt; Jesus shot in eight millimeter, he preferred the black and white.&lt;br /&gt; He said: &quot;do not play up to the lens, boys and girls,&lt;br /&gt; just give me what you know&lt;br /&gt; and I will see you in the last video!&quot;

* Will you be there in the last video?&lt;br /&gt; Will your name be on the roll call at the end, my friend?&lt;br /&gt; Where the angels, and the gamblers, and the prisoners come and go?&lt;br /&gt; Will you be there in the last video?

* Be that as it may, be that as it may not be!&lt;br /&gt; Some of us get in the way, oh, just look at you and me!&lt;br /&gt; And screw all the perfect people! Jesus said that long ago!&lt;br /&gt; Will you be there in the last video?

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}
* [http://spectropop.com/ChipTaylor/ Interview with Chip Taylor by Spectropop]
* [https://web.archive.org/web/20070220095915/http://www.secondhandsongs.com/song/29292.html Cover History of ''Wild Thing'' on Second Hand Songs]
* [https://web.archive.org/web/20190115062212/http://www.trainwreckrecords.com/artists/chip_taylor.html Train Wreck Records site for Chip Taylor]
* {{IMDb name|id=0852118|name=Chip Taylor}}
* [http://www.songwriter.co.uk/page742.html Interview with Chip Taylor in International Songwriters Association's ''Songwriter Magazine'']


{{DEFAULTSORT:Taylor, Chip}}
[[Category:1940 births]]
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    <title>The Boys (TV series)/Season 5</title>
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:'''Season''' [[The Boys (TV series)/Season 1|1]] [[The Boys (TV series)/Season 2|2]] [[The Boys (TV series)/Season 3|3]] [[The Boys (TV series)/Season 4|4]] [[The Boys (TV series)/Season 5|5]]  [[The Boys (TV series)|Main]]
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'''''[[w:The Boys (TV series)|The Boys]]''''' is an American superhero television series developed by Eric Kripke for [[w:Amazon Prime Video|Amazon Prime Video]]. Based on the comic book of the same name by Garth Ennis and Darick Robertson, it follows the eponymous team of vigilantes as they combat superpowered individuals who abuse their abilities.

===''&quot;Fifteen Inches of Sheer Dynamite&quot;'' [5.01]===
:''[Homelander meets with Sister Sage after the Flight 37 video gets leaked to the public by Annie]''
:'''Sister Sage''': We knew this would happen sooner or later. We've been ready. In the last 24 hours, we have flooded the zone with so much disinformation, people can't tell their clit from their collarbone. The share price is only down half a point. Besides that, damage is minimal.
:'''Homelander''': ''[points at open book]'' What's this?
:'''Sister Sage''': That is a Gutenberg Bible. Martin Shkreli sold it to me at discount.
:'''Homelander''': You're really on top of the world, huh? Peter Thiel, the Obamas calling you for advice. Everyone loves you. 
:'''Sister Sage''': You can't really think I care.
:'''Homelander''': Maybe you didn't used to.
:'''Sister Sage''': It's all for you. The higher the share price, the happier the billionaires. The more you get to do whatever the fuck you wanna do.
:'''Homelander''': Are you aware that NNC is calling me a murderer? Saying that maybe I even did something to my son?
:'''Sister Sage''': No. Everyone knows that Ryan is... ''[sighs]'' Sorry. That he is at boarding school. In Svalbard. ''[chuckling]'' That story's holding. We're good.
:'''Homelander''': And how–how about you, Sage? Are you… good?
:'''Sister Sage''': I'm fine.
:'''Homelander''': You're not distracted at all? After Thomas Godolkin dumped you? You're not numbing the heartache by stabbing your brain?
:'''Sister Sage''': No.
:'''Homelander''': Then, just tell me. How did Starlight get in the building? ''[beat; exhales]'' I WAS '''HUMILIATED!''' As if people don't hate me enough!
:'''Sister Sage''': Your numbers are north of 96.
:'''Homelander''': Anyone can smile for the pollsters, sure, but millions of them are still Starlighters in their hearts! Where it counts! Have you seen the memes? Have you seen the ''memes'' about me?! ''[brief pause]'' Posting them should be a crime.
:'''Sister Sage''': Yes, but we can't go... ''[notices Homelander glaring at her]'' Oh, you're serious. Uh, sir... ''[chuckles]'' Ongoing conflict is useful to us. It keeps people afraid…
:'''Homelander''': Shut up.
:'''Sister Sage''': …which is exactly what we–
:'''Homelander''': No, no, no, no, no! NO! You promised me Caesar.
:'''Sister Sage''': He was stabbed by his best friends.
:'''Homelander''': Yeah, well, I can relate to that! But I need people to be ''devoted!'' To '''''me!'''''
:'''Sister Sage''': May I speak freely?
:'''Homelander''': Give it a shot.
:'''Sister Sage''': I told you, no matter how much power you amass, it will not make you happy.
:'''Homelander''': ''[pause]'' You know what's gonna make me happy? I think I'll be happy when Starlight and William Butcher are corpses. I want it leaked that in three days, we are going to execute Hugh Campbell, Milk, and the... French one. That'll draw out Starlight and Butcher, and then I will take care of this once and for all.
:'''Sister Sage''': Consider it done, sir.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kimiko''': Oh, wow. Your skin is so oily, like hugging a McRib.
:'''Annie''': Wait, did you—Did you just... How?!
:'''Kimiko''': Speech therapy and fucking therapy therapy and so much fucking TikTok.
:'''Annie''': Well, you sure sound like you're on TikTok.
:'''Butcher''': Sixteen-hour flight and not a fucking peep.
:'''Kimiko''': 'Cause all you can say is &quot;Oi, oi, oi. Cunt, cunt, cunt&quot;.
:'''Butcher''': I liked her better with her mouth shut.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Annie''': Took you long enough. Slowing down in your old age?
:'''A-Train''': ''[laughs and hugs Annie]'' Fuck you, [[w:Killing of JonBenét Ramsey|JonBenét]].
:'''Kimiko''': You guys are friends?
:'''A-Train''': You talk?
:'''Kimiko''': Mm-hmm.
:'''Annie''': Reggie's been helping us out for a while.
:'''A-Train''': ''[takes drink from Annie]'' Thanks. Where is everybody? ''[pause]'' I heard about the Pittsburgh raid last month. Go Marie Moreau. How's her team doing?
:'''Annie''': Yeah, they're scoring a few wins, but not nearly enough.
:'''A-Train''': So, what's with the 911?
:'''Annie''': Hughie, M.M. and Frenchie are gonna be executed tomorrow, so we need your help to break them out.
:'''A-Train''': Of a Vought prison camp? You're fucking crazy.
:'''Annie''': Listen, you don't have to fight, okay? We just need you to run them to the extraction point. It's easy.
:'''A-Train''': Easy. Right. You know Homelander's gonna be waiting. I can't.
:'''Annie''': We know how to kill him, okay? But we need Frenchie to do it.
:'''A-Train''': Great. Well, good luck with that.
:'''Annie''': Hey, are you gonna keep running forever? I mean, if we're gonna really take him out, we need your help.
:'''A-Train''': So what, I'm just supposed to join this little fucking supergroup?
:'''Annie''': I mean, we are down one asshоlе, so… Yeah, maybe.
:'''A-Train''': ''[pause]'' No.
:'''Annie''': Why not?
:'''A-Train''': I said I can't.
:'''Annie''': I know you're scared…
:'''A-Train''': No, I'm not fucking scared! I got a family to protect. ''[Annie sighs]'' I can't.
:'''Annie''': I get it, I do. Me, too. ''[pause]'' Keep them safe.
:''[Annie and Kimiko watch A-Train run off]''
:'''Kimiko''': We shouldn't have let him go.
:'''Annie''': No. Homelander fuckеd him up. Fuckеd me up, too. We're gonna need an Exit Plan B.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Hughie, Frenchie and Mother's Milk go over their escape plan]''
:'''Hughie''': Okay, so we hit the east gate.
:'''Frenchie''': ''Oui'', Petit Hughie, when the guards change shift.
:'''Hughie''': And we go at dawn.
:'''Mother's Milk''': We've been through this.
:'''Hughie''': I know. I just wanna go over it a few more times just so I can get it in my head.
:'''Mother's Milk''': Hughie… ''[holds out moonshine jar]'' Take a fuckin' drink, will you?
:'''Hughie''': No, thanks.
:'''Mother's Milk''': ''[shrugs; to Frenchie]'' ''Mon ami?''
:'''Frenchie''': You know I quit.
:'''Mother's Milk''': Leave it up to you to have your shit the tightest you've ever had it in a fuckin' internment camp.
:'''Frenchie''': Yeah, what about you? Have you been eating the fresh produce I smuggle in?
:'''Mother's Milk''': Moonshine's got corn in it. ''[takes a sip of moonshine]''
:'''Frenchie''': ''[beat; to Hughie]'' Hey… Don't worry. Annie will be fine. She's strong.
:'''Hughie''': ''[takes liquor bottle from Frenchie]'' Kimiko, too. 
:'''Mother's Milk''': ''[laughs]'' Y'all mοthеrfuckеrs are trippin'. Y'all don't know what the fuck's going on with them. ''[to Frenchie]'' Hey, you don't even know where Kimiko's at.
:'''Hughie''': What, so you don't think you're gonna see Janine and Monique again? Is that it?
:'''Mother's Milk''': What I know is that they're a shit ton safer without me making a mess out of their lives.
:'''Hughie''': M.M., you're the strongest guy I know. We've been in tougher spots than this.
:'''Mother's Milk''': You know, I did two tours in the 3/8 in Farah Province. The shit I saw would ''fuck you up''. And even that was ''Emily in Paris'' compared to the shit that we looking at here. And even if we make it outta here, we ain't surviving this fuckin' war. We are dead men walking. Chin-chin, mοthеrfuckеrs.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Hughie is shocked to see all of his prison bunkmates brutally murdered in their bunker. He sees Homelander sitting on his bed reading from his journal.]''
:'''Homelander''': &quot;Well, Annie, today marks two months. It's a little insane how much I miss you. I've been having trouble eating. Every day, I see people giving up, but not me. Because I have you.&quot; It's very, very sweet.
:'''Hughie''': They were innocent.
:'''Homelander''': Oh… ''[looks briefly at one of the corpses]'' Well, I'd hardly call them innocent. They lied to me. Played dumb about your little stash in the wall there. We've known about that for quite some time, but I just wanted to give you a little hope.
:'''Hughie''': You're not the one who gave it to me, asshоlе.
:'''Homelander''': Ooh, I like Internment Camp Hughie. She's zesty.
:'''Hughie''': Fuck you. Do it.
:'''Homelander''': What?
:'''Hughie''': Kill me.
:'''Homelander''': Not until we flush out Butcher and Starlight.
:'''Hughie''': You think they're dumb enough to just walk right into your trap?
:'''Homelander''': Let's not insult each other. We both know they're coming. ''[throws the journal at Hughie's feet]'' Do you remember when we first met?
:'''Hughie''': How could I forget? 
:'''Homelander''': Believe Festival. I tried to cleanse your soul. I remember thinking... ''[sighs]'' &quot;Why him?&quot; What does Starlight see in this gangly simp that reeks of fear and Strawberry Smoothie kids' shampoo? You know, William and Victoria Neuman love you, too. I mean, I get it from your perspective. You're punching up. Good for you. But why are they so hopelessly devoted to such staggering mediocrity? Why would Starlight and Butcher piss away their lives to try and rescue you?
:'''Hughie''': Because I'd do it for them.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Butcher and Kimiko find Hughie, Frenchie and Mother's Milk tied up and gagged by Homelander when they break into the Vought internment camp]''
:'''Hughie''': Butcher?! Oh, fuck.
:'''Homelander''': ''[waves]'' Surprise. Welcome, William. ''[to Kimiko]'' And you. The gang is almost all here. Oh, and uh, ''[looks down at Mother's Milk]'' you never told me that this one's nickname is... Mother's Milk. ''[licks his lips; laughs]'' Okay. So, what's the big plan? What, are you gonna sandbag me with the Godolkin virus? ''[Butcher looks shocked]'' Yes. I know all about it.
:'''Kimiko''': Suck my fat dіck!
:''[Homelander lasers Kimiko in half. The top half of her body falls to the floor.]''
:'''Homelander''': Hey, where's Starlight? Just doesn't feel like a party without my little lightning bug here... ''[pause; stares at Butcher]'' Jesus Christ, William. You've got a viper's nest in there. I'd heard about it, of course. But seeing it for myself, it's uh… it–it's incredible. I mean, it's fucking disgusting of course, but it's–it's beautiful. What you've done to yourself, what you've become… and you did all that for me? ''[pause]'' Now that… ''that'' is devotion. You know, William, I know we're not exactly equals, but I'm compelled to say… you are the only one that's ever challenged me. And there's a part of me that will be sad to see you go.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[A-Train gets badly injured while being chased by Homelander, who eventually catches up to him]''
:'''Homelander''': Looks like someone ''can'' catch the A-Train after all. End of the road, buddy boy.
:''[A-Train starts laughing at Homelander as he gets back up]''
:'''Homelander''': What's so funny?
:'''A-Train''': What was I so afraid of? You are… fucking nothing.
:'''Homelander''': Really?
:''[Homelander lifts A-Train and pins him against a tree]''
:'''A-Train''': ''[grunts]'' Really. You're just an empty fucking suit. Take away these powers… and what are you, huh? A pathetic… weak… sniveling fucking loser.
:''[Homelander wraps his hand around A-Train's neck and slowly chokes him. A-Train continues laughing until Homelander snaps his neck, killing him instantly.]''

===''&quot;Teenage Kix&quot;'' [5.02]===
:'''Oh Father''': We fight hellfire with holy fire! We fight with the ballot box! We fight with the ammo box! Matthew 10:34 — &quot;I do not come to bring the peace, but a sword&quot;! You are not here to be blessed, you are here to do war!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homelander''': Goddammit, A-Train. It didn't need to come to this. I don't know, you left me no choice! I know that my leadership style can be stern, but it was for your own good! I like to think of myself as the big brother that you never had. You remember that girlfriend you had? Uh... Pop... Popfang. Betrayed us both, to William Butcher, no less. Huge mess, your fault. What did I do? ''What did I do?'' I gave you a chance to make things right, I reached out my hand... and you bit it! What did I ever do to deserve that? What, was I too nurturing? Too forgiving? Well, maybe. But dammit, you weren't like the others: Snakes, backstabbers. I could count on you, man. I ''did'' count on you. I loved you... but here we are. Why does this keep happening to me? I guess the strongest men are the most alone. You wouldn't understand. Nobody does.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homelander releases Soldier Boy from his cryogenic chamber at Vought Tower. Soldier Boy wakes up the next morning in Homelander's bedroom.]''
:'''Soldier Boy''': What the fuck?
:'''Homelander''': No, no, no, no. It's okay. It's okay, I don't wanna hurt you. You're safe, okay? You've been in deep freeze again.
:'''Soldier Boy''': Oh, Jesus Christ. For how long?
:'''Homelander''': Almost two years in a CIA black site. I just found out this morning.
:'''Soldier Boy''': You found out this morning?
:'''Homelander''': Yeah.
:'''Soldier Boy''': But that just happens to be in your room? ''[pause]'' Did you fuck me?
:'''Homelander''': ''[legitimately confused]'' What?
:'''Soldier Boy''': Is this some kind of incest thing?
:'''Homelander''': No!
:'''Soldier Boy''': Then, what the fuck is this?
:'''Homelander''': ''[stammers]'' Look, I... I want you to find William Butcher.
:'''Soldier Boy''': Find him yourself.
:'''Homelander''': Well, the people that work for me are limited. And you are the best tracker there is. I just–I need you to find him and report back. Very simple.
:'''Soldier Boy''': You want me… to work for you?
:'''Homelander''': Well, why don't we say &quot;work ''with'' me&quot;? And... I can help you. I can give you a proper comeback.
:'''Soldier Boy''': I don't need you for that.
:'''Homelander''': Well, the whole world does think that you're a Russian spy, so…
:'''Soldier Boy''': ''[takes a deep breath]'' Okay. Alright, listen to me. I'm no ass-felching Commie. You got that?!
:'''Homelander''': I know, I know. And listen, I am Vought now. Me. So, the public, they're gonna believe that you are whatever I tell them you are. I can resurrect you. I can give you back what you lost. I can even make you number two in The Seven.
:'''Soldier Boy''': Number two? ''[Homelander nods]'' Or how about I finish the job, and blast you to Kingdom Fuck.
:'''Homelander''': Yeah, you could try. Who knows, you might even fry the V right out of my blood. Or you might not. But I'm betting that you hate William Butcher more than you hate... me. After all, I'm–I'm not the one that betrayed you, am I?
:'''Soldier Boy''': I tried to kill you. The minute I turn my back, how do I know you won't return the favor?
:'''Homelander''': Look... 
:''[Homelander picks up Soldier Boy's shield and gives it to him]''
:'''Homelander''': You find William Butcher for me… all is forgiven.
:'''Soldier Boy''': ''[beat; looks at the shield]'' Looks like a fuckin' kindergarten ashtray. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homelander''': Soldier Boy, ''[points at Calhoun and Ashley]'' this is the President, Vice President of the United States of America. They work for me. Everyone, Soldier Boy is gonna be number two in The Seven once he has located William Butcher and Annie January.
:'''The Deep''': What? Wait–Wait, what, sir? No, sir. I... I can do this. I can bring them in.
:'''Homelander''': Oh, like you did with A-Train? We're going in a new direction, Deep. Competence. ''[to Calhoun]'' Oh, and Steve, Soldier Boy's gonna need a full pardon.
:'''Calhoun''': Well, sir, he–he was guilty of... you know, treason. ''[pause; Homelander just stares at him]'' Consider it done, sir.
:'''Homelander''': Terrific. And you know what? I'm sure the man's dying for a drink. Uh, Steve, can you make him a…
:'''Soldier Boy''': Manhattan.
:'''Homelander''': Manhattan. Thanks, Steve.
:'''Calhoun''': Of course. Can I get you a glass of milk, sir?
:'''Homelander''': ''[sternly]'' No. Steven… I'll also have a Manhattan.
:'''Soldier Boy''': Goddamn. Since when could Supes teabag the President?
:'''Homelander''': Since me.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Butcher sees Hughie looking despondent on their way back to the Teenage Kix mansion]''
:'''Butcher''': Oi, fuckin' smile, Hughie. I mean, ain't you a little glad A-Train's dead?
:'''Hughie''': …No, I'm not glad he's dead. A-Train did a lot of horrible things, but he saved our lives, and he died a hero. A real hero. There are a lot of other Supes that don't deserve to die either.
:'''Butcher''': Listen, I know you just done a year in the gulag. You've earned your seat at the table, so... I'll give it to ya straight. You gotta knock this wet, gaping pussy shite on the head, mate. Ain't doin' no one no favours. Especially your girl. I mean, that's why she's givin' you the cold shoulder.
:'''Hughie''': Don't talk to me about Annie. You don't know what's going on with her.
:'''Butcher''': Well, I know that she finally knows the fuckin' score. And she knows that you poncin' about with this Jiminy Cricket, &quot;listen to your heart&quot; bollocks is just gonna get her killed.
:'''Hughie''': Is there any part of you left that's still human? ''[pause]'' You're gonna get Annie killed, not me… but I won't let you do it.
:'''Butcher''': Noted.
:''[A shield suddenly pierces the windshield of the Boys' truck. Hughie catches the virus vial right as they crash into another vehicle.]''
:'''Hughie''': Fuck!
:'''Kimiko''': Hughie, the vial!
:'''Hughie''': It's good. ''[stares at the shield]'' Wait, is that...?
:''[They see Soldier Boy walking up the street towards them]''
:'''Butcher''': Well, well, well.
:'''Kimiko''': He's dead, right? He's supposed to be dead?
:'''Butcher''': Supposed to be. Mallory put him in ice for a bit.
:'''Hughie''': ''[slowly turns to face Butcher]'' You're telling us this ''now?''
:'''Butcher''': Somebody up there likes us, mate.
:'''Hughie''': In what fucking way?!
:'''Butcher''': Well, we wanted a guinea pig. Who better than Homelander's old man? New plan.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Butcher''': Oi. Ain't you supposed to be a giant ice dіldо?
:'''Soldier Boy''': Aren't you supposed to be smart? Renting a truck under the name &quot;Don T. Beakunt.&quot; Same alias when we headed to Herogasm.
:'''Butcher''': Well, oldie, but a goodie.
:''[Soldier Boy sees Hughie and Kimiko get out of the truck and run away]'' 
:'''Butcher''': No, mate. Just you and me.
:''[Soldier Boy shoots Butcher three times, but to no avail. Butcher, still standing, looks down at his chest then looks back up at Soldier Boy.]''
:'''Soldier Boy''': I guess it's true. You're one of us now.
:'''Butcher''': Well, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Then fuckin' beat 'em.
:'''Soldier Boy''': Being super is not gonna save you.
:'''Butcher''': That don't stop us helpin' each other. Homelander's double the cunt now, if that's even possible. He needs doin' more than ever. You still fancy his seat on The Seven, don't ya?
:'''Soldier Boy''': Fuck you! We had a deal! I held up my end of the bargain, and you sold me out. Put me back in a fucking box! And for what? 'Cause I was gonna kill some dumb kid?
:'''Butcher''': That kid is your grandson.
:'''Soldier Boy''': Well, was it worth it? You feeling good about that call right about now? Where is that fucking brat?
:'''Butcher''': Homelander's the one fuckin' you over, mate. Or did he mention that we've got an uber virus strong enough to kill every fuckin' Supe on the planet?
:'''Soldier Boy''': Bullshit.
:'''Butcher''': God's honest. The things this virus can do... ''Fuckin' diabolical.'' Why d'you think he sent you here instead of coming himself, hmm? You're the sacrificial cunt. Again.
:'''Soldier Boy''': I guess we'll see.
:'''Butcher''': You don't get it, do ya? Me, Homelander, your old crew–Everyone fucks you over. Do you wanna know why? 'Cause you... are a dumb fuckin' twat.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Soldier Boy''': Hughie Campbell. How is a useless cock-gobbler like you still alive?
:'''Hughie''': All your jokes are about dudes blowing dudes. You're kind of obsessed!
:'''Soldier Boy''': Is this the virus he was going on about? The so-called &quot;Supe Killer&quot;? Well, not today, you semen-swilling butt pirate.
:'''Hughie''': What?

===''&quot;Every One of You Sons of Bitches&quot;'' [5.03]===
:''[Homelander has a psychotic breakdown and hallucinates Madelyn Stillwell appearing to him as an angel]''
:'''Homelander''': Madelyn...!
:'''Madelyn''': Oh, my boy! My sweet boy... What is wrong? Why are you unhappy?
:'''Homelander''': My father and my son! Everything, it's all falling apart!
:'''Madelyn''': No! No, it's exactly what needed to happen. Yes, it's been foretold! You're about to ascend. Become immortal. Divine. A true god with the love of the world.
:'''Homelander''': But–
:'''Madelyn''': I know, you think love is weak and human. But who is more loved than Jesus? And why should he have more love than you? You save more people than he does. The one, true god...
:'''Homelander''': Yes... But how? How? Millions of people just hate me...
:'''Madelyn''': Well, then you baptize the unfaithful in their own blood. Rip babies from their mothers' wombs.
:'''Homelander''': Yes...
:'''Madelyn''': Skin parents in front of their children. Rid the world of the wicked.
:'''Homelander''': Yes...
:'''Madelyn''': The nonbelievers...
:'''Homelander''': They'll call me a monster...
:'''Madelyn''': Oh, the only ones left will be your faithful. And they will love you in their hearts. They'll cry happy tears at the mere thought of you. You have one last task, my love.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Soldier Boy''': Homelander?
:'''Homelander''': Up here.
:'''Soldier Boy''': What do you– ''[sees Homelander taking a bath]'' What in the fuck? Is that milk?
:'''Homelander''': Better. Breastmilk from the NICU at Mount Sinai.
:'''Soldier Boy''': So, what? You asked me up here so I could watch you swim in tit jizz?
:'''Homelander''': I wanna give you another chance.
:'''Soldier Boy''': You wanna give ''me'' another chance?
:'''Homelander''': Yes. Help me find that V1.
:'''Soldier Boy''': I'd rather fist myself with a handful of razors. Besides, Cleopatra Jones said there's no V1 to find.
:'''Homelander''': Oh, there most certainly is. And I am going to find it.
:'''Soldier Boy''': Yeah? What makes you so sure?
:'''Homelander''': ''[smiling]'' An angel told me. It's my destiny.
:'''Soldier Boy''': Just when I thought there was a ceiling to how fuckin' weird you could get.
:'''Homelander''': Yes, yes. Make your jokes. You've been blessed with immortality, and what have you done with it? Drink and fuck yourself numb. You... You are a disappointment. You see... ''[stands up and gets out of the tub]'' I am not gonna waste my immortality. I am gonna take what's rightfully mine. I'm asking you if you want a seat at the table because you're my father. But with or without you... a reckoning is coming.
:'''Soldier Boy''': ''[beat]'' You know, all I see is a freak. A freak with a bushel of gray pubes. Try some Just for Men.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Butcher takes Ryan to a pub to discuss his plan to kill Homelander with the Supe virus]''
:'''Butcher''': All you do is get him on the blower and tell him you wanna see him. When he rocks up, you chuck the shit in his face... and that'll be it.
:'''Ryan''': Why me?
:'''Butcher''': 'Cause he won't leave the fortress of cuntitude for anyone else.
:'''Ryan''': So this is what you wanted to talk to me about. Killing my dad.
:'''Butcher''': Listen, mate–
:'''Ryan''': Is that all you think I'm good for?
:'''Butcher''': I ain't gonna treat you like a kid no more, alright? You're done with that. Homelander raped your mum. He's gonna burn everything down, and you are the only one who can stop him. Now... Normally, I don't put no stock in any of that bollocks about destiny, but if anyone's got one, it's you.
:'''Ryan''': ''[pause; sighs]'' I throw this virus at him... what'll happen to me?
:'''Butcher''': You'll die. I'll be close by and we'll go together. Now... I ain't gonna lie to you. This… this is not what your mum wanted… But it's the only way. And it will be justice.
:'''Ryan''': You're asking me to kill myself?
:'''Butcher''': You wouldn't be the first lad to throw his life away in a war... but you would be the first to save the world doin' it. ''[beat; sighs heavily]'' I'll fetch us a pint.
:''[Later, Butcher returns with a pint of beer]''
:'''Butcher''': Here. Told her you were 30. ''[Ryan chuckles]'' Fuck the leather, fuck the lace, here's to the bird who sits on yer face. ''[takes a long sip of beer]''
:'''Ryan''': Where'd you pick that up?
:'''Butcher''': Me old man.
:'''Ryan''': You two close?
:'''Butcher''': Nah, not really. He was a... a piss artist. Used to lose all his money on the gee-gees–horses–and then, he'd come home, beat the livin' daylights outta Len and me. And then later, laugh about it with his mates. Yeah, he was a right cunt.
:'''Ryan''': Where is he now?
:'''Butcher''': Bottom of the Thames. I put him there, just the other day. Only wish I'd done it sooner, before he caused more... more damage.
:'''Ryan''': Butcher... Do you think that I could ever... That I might turn into my dad?
:'''Butcher''': …I don't know.
:'''Ryan''': ''[sighs]'' My mom... Aunt Grace... the others... All I do is hurt people. I can't be around anyone.
:'''Butcher''': Without us–without Supes–the world is a better, safer place.
:'''Ryan''': ''[beat]'' I'll do it.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Edgar ''': You're fighting an unbeatable foe. You know that, right?
:'''Mother's Milk''': Who? Vought?
:'''Edgar''': Please. It's more powerful than Vought. Or Homelander. More powerful than nature or life itself. It's profit and loss; supply and demand; the elegant flow of currency across the globe. We're just cogs in a great machine, and we all have our part to play. Say you kill Soldier Boy, or Homelander, or even release this virus. When superheroes go out of fashion, something else will just take their place. Because corporations must still grow. Money must still be made. The machine must still be fed. That is the way of the world.
:'''Mother's Milk''': Motherfucker. When this is all over... you're aiming to run Vought again, ain't you?
:'''Edgar''': Like I said. We all have our part to play.
:'''Mother's Milk''': ''[pause]'' If that day ever comes... I have a part to play, too. And that's to put a bullet in your fuckin' skull.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Soldier Boy and Firecracker are on her TruthBomb talkshow set preparing for their interview together]''
:'''Firecracker''': It's an honor to have a great American like yourself on the show. I guess it runs in the family, huh? Homelander's father… Dang.
:'''Soldier Boy''': ''[looks at the gun at Firecracker's hip]'' Glock, huh? Never saw the appeal in foreign-made guns.
:'''Firecracker''': Well, this ain't your granddaddy's Glock. This here's a 9mm Gen 5, seven-round capacity with a crisp fuckin' break.
:'''Soldier Boy''': Well, mine's a much longer barrel. ''[takes out his pistol]'' Battle-proven, all-American Colt 1911 chambered in .45 ACP. ''[cocks pistol]'' That'll blow your fuckin' panties off. Now, that little Glock–That's good for a late-night Harlem stroll, but uh, this here? That's a certified Kraut killer.
:'''Firecracker''': I think you mean an antique.
:'''Soldier Boy''': I mean a classic. You wanna give it a try? ''[Firecracker examines the pistol]'' Now, some can't handle the kick, but something tells me you'll do just fine.
:''[Cut to Soldier Boy and Firecracker in bed together after having sex]''
:'''Soldier Boy''': Whew. Well, I gotta hand it to you. I haven't fuckеd that hard since... since I railed Shari Lewis on the balcony of Studio 54.
:'''Firecracker''': I ain't got no idea who that is.
:'''Soldier Boy''': Well... Hey, why the hairless pussy?
:'''Firecracker''': ''[gives Soldier Boy a disgusted look]'' What?
:'''Soldier Boy''': I mean, what's the point of going down there if you're not gonna get a fat face full of fur? Is that how Homelander likes you? Like a baby?
:'''Firecracker''': ''[sighs]'' More like a mother.
:'''Soldier Boy''': But you two have fuckеd, right?
:'''Firecracker''': ''[shakes her head]'' Mm-mm.
:'''Soldier Boy''': Damn. I gotta admit, I was kinda just doing this as petty revenge against the freak.
:'''Firecracker''': That's terrible. Who would do such a thing? And you shouldn't say that about your son.
:'''Soldier Boy''': Ah, he thinks he's better than me.
:'''Firecracker''': He doesn't.
:'''Soldier Boy''': How do you know?
:'''Firecracker''': I don't know much, but I can read people. And the way he looks at you? Shoot. I ain't never seen him look at nobody like that.
:'''Soldier Boy''': Uh, that's not exactly a compliment, doll. He is the strangest mοthеrfuckеr I've ever known, and I've had a threesome with Gary Busey.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Ryan and Homelander meet up at the now-abandoned VoughtLand building]''
:'''Ryan''': Do you remember when you took me here? Pretended to care about me?
:'''Homelander''': I ''do'' care about you, son. I love you.
:'''Ryan''': ''[pause]'' I need to ask you–
:'''Homelander''': For my forgiveness? You already have it.
:'''Ryan''': What?
:'''Homelander''': Okay, let me finish. I put too much pressure on you to fill my boots. And–And I realize now that, uh... Well, that–that was impossible. But I do have some pretty exciting news. I am going to live forever now. I'll realize my own legacy. And you... ''[scoffs]'' you're off the hook. You can do whatever–
:'''Ryan''': Did you do it? Did you rapе my mom?
:'''Homelander''': What?! Of course not. Who told you–Did William Butcher tell you that? Your mother and I, we had an affair. A consensual affair between two adults.
:'''Ryan''': Your heart's racing.
:'''Homelander''': Well, yeah, because I'm shocked. And–And frankly, my heart's breaking a little bit that you could think I would do something like that.
:''[Ryan lasers Homelander, leaving a visible wound near his chest]''
:'''Homelander''': Ryan... Ryan, stop!
:''[Ryan lunges at Homelander and shoves him against the wall. Homelander ducks below Ryan's fist to avoid getting punched by him.]''
:'''Homelander''': Ryan! I don't know where this is coming from, because your mother… ''She'' came on to ''me.''
:''[Ryan punches Homelander twice and tries to laser him again. Homelander quickly dodges him again.]''
:'''Homelander''': ''Ryan!'' Son... ''[moves away to avoid another punch]'' Ryan! Ryan, buddy... Look what came out of it: My son! A blessing! ''[Ryan attacks him again]'' Hey, hey! Stop!
:''[Ryan readies another laser, which gets redirected when Homelander grabs his face. He punches Homelander in the face again, but Homelander gets the upper hand and slams Ryan several times into a box. Homelander wipes blood away from his nose as Ryan whimpers in pain.]''
:'''Homelander''': Oh, Ryan... Dammit. Look at what you made me do. ''[pause; kneels down to restrain Ryan]'' Shh... Shh, shh, shh. Hey... It's okay. My sweet, sweet boy.
:''[Homelander proceeds to punch Ryan repeatedly in the face until he is beaten nearly to death]''

===''&quot;King of Hell&quot;'' [5.04]===
:'''Homelander''': I need you for something.
:'''Firecracker''': You do?
:'''Homelander''': I have received the most wonderful message. I was visited... by an angel. And she foretold my destiny.
:'''Firecracker''': Wow. Well, praise be. And what is it?
:'''Homelander''': God.
:'''Firecracker''': Sir, that is wonderful. There is no higher calling than servin' the Lord.
:'''Homelander''': Oh, no. Not serving the Lord. Being the Lord. I am the Messiah. I'm the savior of the world.
:'''Firecracker''': The... Messiah?
:'''Homelander''': Yes.
:''[Firecracker smiles despite her being clearly disturbed by Homelander's delusions]''
:'''Firecracker''': Um... Congrats.
:'''Homelander''': Thank you. ''[pause; Firecracker giggles nervously]'' I always knew I was special. I knew it. I suffered. I suffered so many hardships, and I... I couldn't understand why, but you... You... You always saw it, didn't you? You knew all along I was special. That is why I have chosen you to spread the word of my coming.
:'''Firecracker''': How?
:'''Homelander''': Well, we control the most powerful media apparatus on Earth. Jesus would kill for our marketing. What do you say?
:'''Firecracker''': ...Well, you know I would do anything for you, sir.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The Boys are hiking through the woods near Fort Harmony]''
:'''Kimiko''': It's weird. No birds or animals. It's like…
:'''Butcher''': Fuckin' hell. ''[to Mother's Milk]'' Had to park on the other side of the state, didn't ya?
:'''Mother's Milk''': Well, if the hike's too hard, why don't you try tying your boots, mοthеrfuckеr.
:''[Hughie is shocked to see a heavily decomposed corpse]''
:'''Hughie''': Oh, fuck that.
:'''Butcher''': Eh. Not really my type, son.
:'''Hughie''': Hey, how about showing a little respect?
:'''Mother's Milk''': You know, Hughie's right, Butcher. You should take her out to dinner first. ''[chuckles; sighs]'' Let's see here. Based on the decomp, these bodies have been here for a while.
:'''Frenchie''': Something ripped them apart. Whatever killed those Boy Scouts might still stalk these woods.
:'''Butcher''': Let's get a move on, then. Didn't come out here to get bummed by Bigfoot.
:''[...]''
:'''Butcher''': Any sign of Super Cunt?
:'''Mother's Milk''': Could already be inside.
:'''Butcher''': Well, let's find out.
:'''Kimiko''': ''[to Hughie]'' What's wrong?
:'''Hughie''': Annie.
:'''Kimiko''': She'll come back.
:'''Hughie''': No. I almost died, but she made it all about her and she took off. I mean, last year, I got bad-touched by a shape-shifter, and she still found a way to make it about her. She can be such a fucking bitch. ''[pause; sees Kimiko looking at him in shock]'' Uh... Jesus. Sorry, I–I didn't mean for that to come out so harsh.
:''[The Boys see an entire field littered with animal carcasses]''
:'''Butcher''': ''Fuckin' hell.''
:'''Mother's Milk''': The fuck happened here?
:'''Frenchie''': Our V'd-up beast enjoyed an amuse-bouche, perhaps?
:'''Butcher''': Well, explains why we didn't hear no animals.
:'''Kimiko''': I said that ten minutes ago.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The Boys discover more decomposed corpses as they make their way downstairs to the lab inside Fort Harmony]''
:'''Butcher''': Fuckin' hell. They've been here a minute, haven't they?
:'''Frenchie''': Decades. Hunters... ''[pause; notices the knives embedded in the corpses]'' Look at their knives. These men, they killed each other. What if there is a monster here, but it's us?
:'''Butcher''': What the fuck are you on about, Frenchie?
:'''Frenchie''': [[w:Toxoplasma gondii|Toxoplasmosis]]. It's a parasite in cat shit. It can infect humans. Makes them react with explosive anger.
:'''Hughie''': You think we ate cat shit?
:'''Frenchie''': Ate? No... If the V1 spilled into the groundwater, it could mutate the plants. Their spores fill us with rage, we murder each other, and ''voilà''. We're plant food for these vines.
:'''Hughie''': Okay, so like [[w:The Last of Us (video game)|''The Last of Us'']]?
:'''Frenchie''': No, that is just [[w:The Walking Dead (comic book)|''The Walking Dead'']] with mushrooms. The dead campers, the animals, these hunters... Surely, you all see how strangely you've been acting.
:'''Kimiko''': Us? I've seen you blow cоcaіnе up your dіckhole.
:'''Frenchie''': Wait... You have a point. The copious amount of drug I've taken for decades has surely altered my brain chemistry. That's why I'm not affected. 
:'''Kimiko''': Guess being a junkie was good for something after all.
:'''Mother's Milk''': ''[laughs]'' Romeo and fuckin' Juliet. You two survive this war, I give you six months tops.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homelander and Soldier Boy search the ground floor of Fort Harmony while the Boys are in the basement below looking for the V1]''
:'''Soldier Boy''': ''[sniffs]'' Smells like deer piss. The last time I was here, I was fresh off the front lines, still picking Nazi brains out of my hair. And only the best of the best got selected for Dr. Vought's trials.
:'''Homelander''': Hmmph.
:'''Soldier Boy''': Not soft little hog-chompers.
:'''Homelander''': Of course. No, I forgot how tough you were.
:'''Soldier Boy''': Hey, I'm not the weirdo who doesn't fuck. I mean, your cock's as useless as your cape. What's the point of being famous if you're not getting your dіck wet?
:'''Homelander''': Oh, my dіck was sopping wet when I pulled it out of Stormfront and wiped it on her fucking chin!
:'''Soldier Boy''': ''[pause; looks down at the decomposed corpses]'' Ooh, look. More uggos. 
:'''Homelander''': Friends of yours?
:''[They unknowingly set off the motion detector that the Boys set up near the stairs]''
:'''Mother's Milk''': Oh, shit. They're right above us.
:'''Butcher''': We best get the fuck outta here. Come on.
:'''Hughie''': Hey. Hey, what about the V1?
:'''Mother's Milk''': If Bombsight has the V1, then it saves us from having to torch it.
:'''Hughie''': What are you talking about? Who's &quot;us&quot;?
:'''Butcher''': ''[beat]'' What? You think the world needs more immortal cunts, do ya?
:'''Hughie''': We need it to save Annie and Kimiko! You've been planning this this whole time, haven't you?!
:'''Frenchie''': Shh. Homelander will hear us.
:'''Hughie''': ''[to Mother's Milk]'' And you, you've just been going along with it again.
:'''Mother's Milk''': We can't take the risk, Hughie. And if she has to be collateral damage so that Homelander dies and my daughter lives, we ain't got no fucking choice!
:'''Kimiko''': Oh, easy for you to say. It won't fucking kill you!
:'''Butcher''': Well, at least he knows when to keep his gob shut and do as he's fuckin' told!
:'''Frenchie''': Shh!
:'''Mother's Milk''': Excuse me?
:'''Frenchie''': No, no, no. We don't have time for this. We need to find a way out now.
:'''Mother's Milk''': Wanna know a little secret, Butcher? I ''cheered'' when I found out that you were dying, 'cause at least we'd finally be done with your miserable ass.
:'''Hughie''': You know, I used to say to these guys, &quot;Don't give up on Butcher. There's good in him fighting to get out.&quot; I was wrong. If there was ''anything'' human in there, it's dead. Underneath that chestful of octo-cocks, you are just a fucking monster.
:'''Butcher''': Well, maybe I like it better that way.
:'''Hughie''': That parasite's not just in you. It ''is'' you. ''You're'' the cancer!
:'''Frenchie''': ''Lower your voices.''
:'''Hughie''': You are just as bad as Homelander, maybe worse. And I'm not gonna let you drag us all down with you.
:'''Butcher''': And whatcha gonna do about it?
:'''Hughie''': I'll fucking kill you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Homelander''': ''[chuckles]'' Tough guy, my ass.
:'''Soldier Boy''': What?
:'''Homelander''': You, your whole bit. This whole &quot;guts and glory&quot; thing. What a fucking joke. I read your classified file. Your brother won a Silver Star for bravery at [[w:Battle of Anzio|Anzio]], and that's what made you beg your father to buy you a spot in Dr. Vought's trials. Because it killed you to see your brother dripping in all that glory, making you look all the more feeble in comparison.
:'''Soldier Boy''': You don't know shit about me.
:'''Homelander''': Really? I know that when they tried to inject you with the V, you were so fucking petrified that they had to strap you to the table. And you pissed yourself, crying for your mommy like the whiny, spoiled little rich boy that you are. They gave you the world, and you? You deserve ''nothing.''
:''[Soldier Boy stands by as Homelander walks into a small chamber]''
:'''Homelander''': ''[sighs]'' Oh, Christ. What's this shithole now?
:''[Soldier Boy shuts the door while Homelander isn't looking and turns the wheel to lock him inside the chamber]''
:'''Homelander''': What are you doing?!
:''[Soldier Boy bends the wheel with his bare hands and tears it off the door]''
:'''Homelander''': ''[sarcastically]'' Oh, well done. I'll be out of here in 30 seconds!
:'''Soldier Boy''': Maybe. Maybe not.
:''[Soldier Boy pulls down a lever to open a radioactive valve. Homelander's face immediately starts blistering from the radiation.]''
:'''Soldier Boy''': It's enriched uranium. They'd stick us Supes in there to see if we could survive an atomic bomb. Now, for a normal joe, they'd be dead in minutes. But for you, it's a stomach flu. Good luck, though, getting out of a Supe-proof cell while you're bleeding out of your ass.
:''[Homelander fails to kill Soldier Boy by lasering him. He punches the glass as Soldier Boy walks off.]''
:'''Homelander''': Where are you going?
:'''Soldier Boy''': I'm gonna go destroy any V1 that I find, you Triple Crown cock jockey.
:'''Homelander''': Why?
:'''Soldier Boy''': You don't get it, do you? How much I can't fucking stand you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Butcher sees Homelander trapped inside the uranium chamber]''
:'''Butcher''': ''[laughs]'' Oh, if only the world could see you now. Not so fuckin' super, are ya? You, uh... ''[points at Homelander's face]'' You got a bit of... ''[pause; Homelander coughs]'' Did your dad put you in timeout? Ooh… That's gotta sting, knowin' he'd rather spend eternity all alone than with the likes of you. What's the matter? Cunt got your tongue? Will wonders ever cease? ''[chuckles; lights cigarette]'' Tell me something. If you do get the juice in you, you think that makes you a god, don't ya? Seems like I know you pretty well after all. Which is why I know that even if you had a billion twats garglin' your bollocks and singin' &quot;Hosanna&quot;, you still wouldn't be happy. 'Cause deep down, you're just a weak, thin-skinned, needy little boy. You beat the shit outta your own son. Don't get weaker than that.
:'''Homelander''': ''[laughs weakly while groaning in pain]'' Ryan is alive… because he's strong. 'Cause he's my son. The son of God.
:'''Butcher''': You ain't no god. How's about I go fetch the virus, and then we'll watch you shit your fuckin' spine out?
:'''Homelander''': ''[pause]'' You don't have it, do you? The virus.
:'''Butcher''': …Don't I?
:'''Homelander''': No, you don't. You would have used it by now. ''[coughs; laughs hysterically]'' You have no way to stop me, do you? Oh, William. You have no idea what you're up against. You can't intervene. I ''will'' get the V1, and when I do, I'm gonna flay you alive. You, Starlight–All the nonbelievers. You're all gonna ''fuckin' drown'' in your own blood.
:'''Butcher''': I promise you, before I die... I'll fuckin' have you. ''[walks away]''
:'''Homelander''': YOU'RE ALL FUCKING PASTE! I can take what's mine, and that makes this WHOLE FUCKING SHITBALL ''MY BIRTHRIGHT! '''MY DESTINY!'''''

===''&quot;One-Shots&quot;'' [5.05]===
:'''Firecracker''': Next up is a $500 million ad blitz with OOH, e-blasts, print and digital. Ain’t nobody won’t know about the Democratic Church of America… and its chosen prophet.
:'''Homelander''': ''[sighs]'' Prophets are servants.
:'''Firecracker''': Of course, sir. Great point. We’re just trying to ease people into it.
:'''Homelander''': No, no, no. We need to prepare America for my ascension. We must be honest. We must be direct. I like “savior.” Or–Or…
:'''Oh Father''': Lord. Yes, I couldn’t agree more, sir. Religion is not about being meek. We should dominate the seven mountains of society, bring the Kingdom of Heaven to Earth! Amen!
:'''Homelander''': Amen.
:'''Firecracker''': Amen! I love all that!
:'''The Deep''': So fucking dope.
:'''Oh Father''': Easter is just around the corner. How perfect would it be for your second coming to come on the day of Jesus' resurrection?
:'''Homelander''': Mmm… Second coming? Let's be clear: I am not the son of God.
:'''Oh Father''': Well, of course. Many people believe that Jesus is both God incarnate and the son.
:'''Homelander''': Well, that's just confusing. I don't want my church getting involved in all... that.
:'''Firecracker''': Exactly. Besides, if we pull up our timeline, you won't have… ''[picks up a bag with a large book inside]'' this.
:''[Firecracker kneels in front of Homelander, who accepts the book. He takes it out of the bag and sees &quot;The Homelander Bible&quot; with himself embossed on the cover.]''
:'''Oh Father''': We're gonna drag our feet because of a book?
:'''Firecracker''': Not a book. ''The'' book. The Homelander Bible.
:'''Homelander''': ''[pause; lifts the book with his hands]'' Heavy.
:'''Soldier Boy''': ''[quietly]'' What the fuck?
:'''Firecracker''': It's got the Old Testament, the New Testament, and the brand new American Testament, written by A.I. trained on the works of Pat Robertson. See, we need to pass the torch, sir. From Jesus to you. Sir, we don't get more than one chance at a first impression. Are we really gonna rush something this important? We ain't [w:Arby's|Arby's]], after all.
:'''Homelander''': No.
:'''Firecracker''': We're the [[w:The Cheesecake Factory|Cheesecake Factory]].
:'''Homelander''': ''[sighs deeply]'' Okay. We'll do it your way.
:'''Firecracker''': Thank you.
:'''Sister Sage''': You do realize this kind of sudden religious upheaval is likely to generate widespread civil unrest?
:'''Firecracker''': Local law should be able to handle the suburbs, but we could use extra hands in major metros.
:'''Homelander''': Oh, let's recall all Supes stationed overseas. American heroes should be protecting America, not Who-Gives-A-Fuckistan.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Firecracker''': We ain't doin' that again.
:'''Soldier Boy''': ''[chuckles]'' That's what you said the last six times.
:'''Firecracker''': No, I really mean it this time.
:'''Soldier Boy''': You seem a little out of it. Did you nut? 'Cause usually, you nut.
:'''Firecracker''': ''[sighs]'' Were you baptized?
:'''Soldier Boy''': Yeah, in front of half of Chestnut Hill. Governor Sproul did the honors. My family kept up appearances, of course. Then, we never set foot in church again.
:'''Firecracker''': I had lunch today with the reverend who baptized me. He's been gettin' heat to switch over to our church. You think Homelander might be open to going easy on him? Just... give him a little more time? I wouldn't ask if it was just anybody, but that man practically raised me.
:'''Soldier Boy''': So you didn't nut. You know, this whole Homelander as God shit, it's... it's fucking ridiculous.
:'''Firecracker''': Really? You think so?
:'''Soldier Boy''': If he's the second coming, then what does that make me? Joseph? I mean, talk about the biggest cuck in history. Man trades his best cow to bag some hot-ass virgin, and then God comes and squirts his baby gravy up her meat wallet. Fuck that.
:'''Firecracker''': I guess I've been struggling with where to place Homelander in my heart in relation to Jesus and the Lord.
:'''Soldier Boy''': Okay.
:'''Firecracker''': Of course I worship Homelander. I mean, he's always been a god to me.
:'''Soldier Boy''': Look, I'll tell you this. If there is a God... sure as hell didn't come out of my balls. I gotta go.
:'''Firecracker''': Where you off to?
:'''Soldier Boy''': L.A… ''[snickers]'' I fucking hate L.A.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Firecracker is filming her new episode of TruthBomb and starts reading her opening monologue from a teleprompter]''
:'''Firecracker''': Welcome to ''Truthbomb''. Our top story tonight's a personal one. It's the story of my hometown church, Holy Baptist of Daytona. It was the church I grew up in. Sang my hymns from the pews there every Sunday. But that church... That church…
:''[The teleprompter stops scrolling]''
:'''Firecracker''': ''[beat]'' That church... has become a hotbed of Starlighter infestation. And my old pastor, Reverend Greg Dupree, has been infected by Starlight's seditious propaganda. Now... I never told a soul this, but when I was a little girl, the reverend regularly had me over for supper. Alone. ''[pause; chuckles]'' No. Nothing ever happened to me, but... ''[sighs]'' I heard stories about his &quot;Fish Fry Fridays.&quot; And if that ain't code for child groomin', I don't know what is. How much longer are we gonna let these institutional pedo churches diddle our babies? Americans deserve better. They deserve... Homelander. They deserve the Democratic Church of America. ''[starts crying]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Soldier Boy''': Would you like some knee pads?
:'''The Deep''': Sorry, what?
:'''Soldier Boy''': You're looking at me like you wanna suck my hog. So I'm asking you if you would like some knee pads.
:'''Homelander''': Go easy on the little guy. He brought me Stan Edgar.
:'''The Deep''': Thank you, sir.
:'''Homelander''': You may leave.
:''[Soldier Boy stays behind with Homelander in the conference room as the rest of The Seven leave]''
:'''Soldier Boy''': What crawled up your shithole?
:'''Homelander''': No idea what you mean.
:'''Soldier Boy''': When you're pissy, you tend to make everybody else's lives pissy too. Stan Edgar still stonewalling you?
:'''Homelander''': I've talked to him three times now. Says he has no idea where the V1 is. Heart rate steady as a rock. I'm starting to believe him.
:'''Soldier Boy''': That slippery fuck used to fetch my cоcaіnе. ''[pause]'' You know what? I have an idea. Why don't I take a crack at him? ''[Homelander stares at him]'' What, you don't trust me?
:'''Homelander''': Well, you did lock me in a room with nuclear material and tried to stop me getting the V1, so I'm sure you can understand my hesitance.
:'''Soldier Boy''': You could've killed me at Fort Harmony, but you didn't. Maybe I feel like I owe you.
:'''Homelander''': Or maybe you're lying.
:'''Soldier Boy''': Maybe. ''[inhales deeply]'' Give me an hour. I'll meet you at Edgar's cell.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Hughie''': If you and M.M. still think–
:'''Butcher''': Oh, for fuck's sakes, Hughie. Knock it off with this V1 shite! You're doin' me fuckin' head in! ''[sees his dog Terror eating out of the trash]'' Oi, Terror. Cut it out. Come on. ''[to Hughie]'' Now, listen. If we do find that stuff, we're not makin' any fuckin' vaccines out of it, alright? We're not the department of fuckin' health. We burn that shit before Homelander gets his paws on it, and that's that.
:'''Hughie''': Well, if you wanna kill yourself, knock yourself out, but why do you have to decide for the rest of us?
:'''Butcher''': Oh, 'cause I'm fuckin' right! 'Cause I've always been right! I've been tellin' you lot from the fuckin' start the sky is fallin', and guess what? The sky fuckin' fell.
:'''Hughie''': Well, you kinda helped bring it down.
:'''Butcher''': Oh, don't give me that bollocks. Listen, Homelander thinks he's a fuckin' god. Once he becomes immortal, he's gonna start killin' like one, and we are talkin' millions of people. Now, are you tellin' me you're honestly happy to risk all of that for a life on the run with your girl, knowin' that you could've stopped it? You can live with that, can ya?
:'''Hughie''': What if it was Becca? You'd just let her die?
:'''Butcher''': …I ''did'' let her die.
:'''Hughie''': Look… I know that Homelander comes first. I really do. All I'm asking is that we try. Annie and Kimiko deserve that much.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Mister Marathon and Malchemical try to convince Soldier Boy to kill Homelander while he is unconscious]''
:'''Mister Marathon''': Hey, man, we don't have a problem with you. Honest, ''[stutters]'' but–but fuck this fucking guy. You know, he fuckеd my life. Look, if you help us get rid of him, then we all win, and you–you can have The Seven. And I don't even, like, really care if you bring me back or whatever.
:'''Soldier Boy''': I don't need to kill him to get The Seven.
:'''Mister Marathon''': No. Yeah, of course not, but what about all that creepy shit he's doing with that church? I mean, they're rounding up everybody cool. All the hοοkers, the drug dealers.
:'''Malchemical''': They wanna ban pοrn. I mean, they wanna ban fucking abortions!
:'''Mister Marathon''': Yeah.
:'''Soldier Boy''': Okay, well, banning abortion would be a big problem for me personally.
:'''Mister Marathon''': Exactly, for all of us. So, if we kill him, we can stop worrying about being cops or gods or asexual weirdos. You know, we can go back to fucking and–and being fucking awesome!
:'''Malchemical''': Look, we know you've got that fucked-up chest blast thing. I mean, I was at Herogasm. I saw it.
:'''Mister Marathon''': Just finish him now. Take away his powers, so we can curb stomp him while we have the chance. 
:'''Soldier Boy''': ''[beat]'' He is a fucking asexual weirdo.
:'''Mister Marathon''': Yeah.
:'''Malchemical''': Yeah.
:'''Soldier Boy''': But as much as it pains me to say this, he's ''my'' fucking asexual weirdo. Nobody fucks my son but me.
:'''Mister Marathon''': What?
:'''Soldier Boy''': …That came out wrong.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Firecracker sees Homelander sitting on the couch in the Seven common room]''
:'''Firecracker''': Homelander… How was L.A.? Did you catch tonight's ''Truthbomb?''
:'''Homelander''': I did indeed. And it was a real barn-burner. Well done.
:'''Firecracker''': ''[smiles]'' Thank you, sir. That means the world.
:'''Homelander''': ''[pause]'' How's sеx with my father? ''[Firecracker's smile disappears]'' Is he good at it? Are you thinking about me when you're making love to him?
:'''Firecracker''': I never meant to cross a line or offend you in...
:'''Homelander''': Oh, no. No, no, no, no. Don't fret, little one. I don't care about the sеx, really. But I ''do'' care about your little chats after sеx.
:'''Firecracker''': Sir, whatever Soldier Boy told you, I can assure you that I...
:'''Homelander''': You mean your inner turmoil when it comes to me and, uh, Jesus? Are you thinking of Jesus when you're praising me?
:'''Firecracker''': No, you are my one and only savior.
:'''Homelander''': You say that, but your jagged little heart is whirring like a hummingbird. ''[sighs; gets up from the couch]'' You're supposed to worship me, love me and me alone.
:'''Firecracker''': I do.
:'''Homelander''': I believed in you. Turns out, you don't believe in me. ''[pause]'' I need you to collect your things and leave.
:'''Firecracker''': But I ''do'' believe in you. I love you! I am the only one here who ever has! I gave you ''everything!'' I gave you my soul! Everybody else here, they're just... They're just scared of you. Or they want something from you, but I have always loved you for you. Just the strongest, smartest, best man on Earth.
:'''Homelander''': ''[scoffs]'' Man?
:'''Firecracker''': No, no, no, no, no. A god. No. No, ''the'' God. My Lord, that look you used to get when you'd suckle me? I felt like Mother Mary herself. I felt blessed to nourish someone as important as you. ''[pause; Homelander sighs]'' But nothing I ever did was good enough, was it? You cast me out into the cold, which was so much worse than never feeling your warmth in the first place. So all I have been tryin' to do is to get you to see me the way that you used to. Hell, only reason I was with Soldier Boy was that your reflected light is better than no light at all. Please, sir. I love you. We all need love, don't we? Even God.
:''[Homelander reaches his hand out to touch Firecracker's cheek, then kills her by impaling her head on the left wing of an eagle statue]''

===''&quot;Though the Heavens Fall&quot;'' [5.06]===
:''[Hughie and Annie are laying down on the hood of his car looking at clouds together]''
:'''Hughie''': Okay, so that one?
:'''Annie''': Mm-hmm.
:'''Hughie''': It’s like a rabbit, but it’s got way too many feet.
:'''Annie''': Really? I see a frog eating a dick. This is definitely in my top five.
:'''Hughie''': Top five what?
:'''Annie''': Things to do with you.
:'''Hughie''':  You’re saying that like… this is the last time we’re gonna get to do this. Hey, listen to me. The guys are gonna find Bombsight, they’ll get the V1. You’re not dying. We will have plenty of time to look for filthy shapes in the clouds.
:'''Annie''': God, I don’t know where it comes from. This… unshakeable hope.
:'''Hughie''': Whenever I’d get upset as a kid, which was a lot… my dad would always say, “You know, son, life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react.” And that was infuriating. But then, I spent a year in an internment camp, and I had no control over anything. I’d just lay there at night, just… so fucking angry, hearing my dad’s voice in my head… but then I finally understood what he meant. ‘Cause the only thing I had left was… hope. And it is ''really'' fucking hard to hang on to, but I… I’m trying.
:'''Annie''': I think… you might be low-key the strongest person I know.
:'''Hughie''': I’d prefer high-key… ''[Annie chuckles]'' but thank you.
:'''Annie''': ''[beat; points at the sky]'' Look, it’s–it’s Big Bird eating a dick.
:'''Hughie''': You see an unsettling amount of dicks up there, I’m just saying.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homelander and Soldier Boy look around Bombsight's empty house to find the V1]''
:'''Soldier Boy''': You sure this is the right address?
:'''Homelander''': I'm sure.
:'''Soldier Boy''': Well, there's no sign of Bombsight... or fucking anyone. Maybe Crime Analytics got a bad tip.
:''[Homelander sees a laptop on the table. When he opens it up, a video of him and Stormfront having sex starts playing. He notices Soldier Boy watching along with him and closes the laptop.]'' 
:'''Soldier Boy''': What the fuck was that?
:'''Homelander''': I can explain.
:'''Soldier Boy''': That was Clara. You told me she killed herself.
:'''Homelander''': She did, after Ryan did ''that'' to her. It's his fault.
:'''Soldier Boy''': So then what? You locked her in your apartment like some kind of amputee fuck doll...
:'''Homelander''': No.
:'''Soldier Boy''': ...and filmed her for kicks?
:'''Homelander''': No, no, no! It wasn't like that! I did... I did everything I could to keep her alive, to–to make her happy. ''[pause; Soldier Boy punches him]'' Just listen to me, okay?! It wasn't all like... that. I couldn't let her go. I didn't know how... because I loved her. And so did you.
:'''Soldier Boy''': You're goddamn right I loved her.
:'''Homelander''': She wouldn't want us fighting over her.
:'''Soldier Boy''': Don't fucking tell me what she would want! You knew her for five minutes; I was with her for decades! 
:'''Homelander''': Hold–Hold on. This–This is a setup. Someone's trying to separate us. This has been plan... Fucking Sage. It's Sage. You see? She's trying to screw with us. ''[Soldier Boy turns around to leave]'' Oh, come on! I can't find the V1 without you!
:'''Soldier Boy''': ''[pause; turns back around]'' Good. You don't deserve to live forever.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Butcher tries to call Bombsight using one of his old phone numbers, but gets a fax machine instead]''
:'''Mother's Milk''': That a fuckin’ fax machine?
:'''Butcher''': Yeah, it’s the last of the numbers she had for him. ''[to Golden Geisha]'' Oi. Twenty-three fuckin' numbers you had for Bombsight, and they’re all fuckin' shite?
:'''Golden Geisha''': Do you know how to delete them? I was telling you the truth. I have no idea where Bombsight is, or how to reach him. So just let me go.
:'''Butcher''': Kimiko, keep an eye on her.
:''[Frenchie joins Butcher and M.M. on their way back to their hideout]''
:'''Mother's Milk''': The fuck do we do now?
:'''Butcher''': Fetch us some pliers and put the screws to her. She knows more than she’s lettin’ on.
:'''Frenchie''': Or she doesn’t. I’m sorry, but she’s not that good of an actress.
:''[M.M. and Frenchie draw their weapons when they see Sister Sage inside]''
:'''Sister Sage''': He’s right. ''[sarcastically]'' Ooh, I know. The villain switching sides in the final hour. What a twist, a shock that never happens. But unclench those assholes, fellas. I’m here to help. I’m a free agent now. I came alone. You can shoot me in the heart whenever you like.
:'''Butcher''': That’s a good idea. ''[takes out and cocks his gun]''
:'''Sister Sage''': That would go against our mutual interest.
:'''Butcher''': Which is?
:'''Sister Sage''': Stopping a petulant, laser-eyed narcissist from also becoming immortal. I want him dead as much as you do.
:'''Mother's Milk''': You spent the last couple of years building Homelander up, and now you wanna tear him down? Why the fuck should we trust you?
:'''Sister Sage''': You can’t trust me. Honestly, you shouldn’t, but you will.
:'''Frenchie''': And why would we do that?
:'''Sister Sage''': I know Campbell and Starlight are headed to plant your little virus. You can trace anyone, if you know what to look for. And you baboons, you leave a trail of banana peels wherever you go. I could have stopped you, I could have killed you... but I didn’t.
:'''Butcher''': That virus is gonna wipe out the fuckin’ lot of ya. And you don’t strike me as the suicide type.
:'''Sister Sage''': I will be in my nice, quiet bunker, reading [[w:Ludwig Wittgenstein|Wittgenstein]] in peace. That is, unless that bleached blonde baby gets his hands on V1 and survives. You must have realized by now Granny out there has no clue how to contact Bombsight, but I do. And I can get him here. So... let me help.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Kimiko''': I wanted to say... I'm very sorry about this. I watched every episode of ''Undercover Geisha'' when I was a kid. I loved it, even the parts that were ridiculous racist stereotypes. It meant so much to see someone who looked like me on TV. ''[brief pause]'' We watched with Japanese subtitles. It's how I learned English.
:'''Golden Geisha''': If you're such a big fan, let me go.
:'''Frenchie''': ''Désolé'', but we cannot. Not until we get the V1 that Bombsight possesses.
:'''Golden Geisha''': Wait, that's what you're after? V1? ''[laughs]''
:'''Kimiko''': What–What's so funny?
:'''Golden Geisha''': I'll tell Bombsight to just give it to you. I sure as hell don't want it.
:'''Kimiko''': ...He stole the V1 for you, so you two could be together forever. ''[pause]'' But you didn't take it.
:'''Golden Geisha''': ''[shakes her head]'' I said no... which is why he left. I guess, for him, watching me get old was too painful.
:'''Frenchie''': I'm sorry, I do not understand. Why won't you take it?
:'''Golden Geisha''': To live forever? It'd be torture. ''[scoffs]'' You're both so young. You wouldn't understand.
:'''Kimiko''': Maybe I would.
:'''Golden Geisha''': Summer is only beautiful when you know winter is coming.
:'''Frenchie''': ''[beat; to Kimiko]'' Is this how you feel?
:'''Kimiko''': ''[nods]'' Annie and I talked about it. We'd have to... ''[signing]'' We'd have to watch you and Hughie waste away. Neither of us wants to die, but... we don't wanna be vampires either. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The Legend leads Homelander inside the Boys' hideout, which is deserted]''
:'''The Legend''': Okay, um... 
:'''Homelander''': No one here.
:'''The Legend''': I grant you, it–it looks like that, yeah. But this–this is their hideout, so I'm sure there's plenty of clues all over here. ''[picks up a receipt]'' Here you go. ''[Homelander sighs]'' Oh, no. Well, this is nothing. But, you know, they have to have left something behind, you know?
:'''Homelander''': ''[looks at the receipt; chuckles]'' Hmmph. It's not nothing.
:'''The Legend''': It's a Taco Bell receipt. 
:'''Homelander''': No, ''this is Sage!'' Taunting me! 
:'''The Legend''': Okay.
:'''Homelander''': ''[laughs frustratingly; sits on bed]'' This makes no sense. This makes no sense. This makes no sense! ''[chuckles]'' You said I would get the V1. You said I'd be a god. Did I do something wrong? Did I fail you? I did everything you asked me to. I gave my boy up. Please, don't leave me here to just rot. Don't just let me become ''nothing'' like ''him.'' Please…
:'''The Legend''': I gotta assume… The only reason you're saying all this stuff is, you're... You're not gonna let me walk out of here alive, are you? Yeah? Okay. Yeah. ''[pause]'' Alright, look, kid. I've been around a long time and I… This is just how it goes. You know all those old Supes at the home? Every one of them had their moments in the sun and they all thought it was gonna go on forever. And every one of them got shoved out in the end. They all got shoved out. All of them. And I know what I'm talking about; I did the shoving. I mean, look at Goldie. One minute, she's on the set of ''Undercover Geisha'', getting finger-popped by Lorenzo Lamas. The next, she's shilling for VoughtAlert necklaces and Activia poop yogurt.
:'''Homelander''': Geisha sells VoughtAlert necklaces?
:'''The Legend''': Guess you don't watch your own news channel. The point is, look, there comes a day… I got shoved out, too. Never saw it coming. Did not see that coming, and I fought it like hell. But in the end... bupkis. There is a natural order to things. And the more you fight the inevitable, the more the inevitable just… cunt-punts you. ''[pats Homelander's shoulder]'' Yep.
:'''Homelander''': ''[beat; gets up]'' You're not scared of me.
:'''The Legend''': No, I'm not scared of you. I… I feel for you, kid. I do. I mean, you're a fucking whackjob. But, you know, there's talent. So… No surprise there. ''[pause]'' So, there you go. Do what you gotta do.
:'''Homelander''': ''[sighs]'' ...You can go.
:'''The Legend''': I–I can go?
:'''Homelander''': Leave. No words. Just go. Now. Go. ''Now.''
:'''The Legend''': Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
:''[After The Legend leaves the Boys' hideout, Homelander makes a call on his cell phone]''
:'''Operator''': How can I help you, sir? 
:'''Homelander''': I need the tracking coordinates for a VoughtAlert necklace.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Soldier Boy''': Tough skin or not, I can still break your fucking neck!
:'''Bombsight''': Ben, stop. Please.
:'''Soldier Boy''': ''[pause; lets Bombsight go]'' Goddammit.
:'''Bombsight''': ''[beat]'' I can't give it to you.
:'''Soldier Boy''': Goldie doesn't even wanna take it.
:'''Bombsight''': Then maybe someday, I'll find someone who will!
:'''Soldier Boy''': You were always gonna fuck it up with Goldie anyway. You could never hold down a girl! It was either a smack needle up your dick or— 
:'''Bombsight''': Having to stand next to you? You were everyone's favorite from the start, especially Clara. Everything they wanted us to be, everything they were working towards, they saw it in you. I fucking hated you for it.
:'''Soldier Boy''': No. No, I wasn't everything Clara wanted. I didn't know how to be.
:'''Bombsight''': But you loved her. What wouldn't you give to have her back... forever?
:'''Soldier Boy''': …I really fuckin' hate you.
:'''Bombsight''': No shit.
:'''Soldier Boy''': But we don't have to kill each other. I can take away your immortality... and your powers. You won't have to live forever alone. Then, you and Goldie can spend whatever time you have left like you want.
:'''Bombsight''': Why would you do that for me?
:'''Soldier Boy''': I'd do it for the V1.
:''[Bombsight hands a case to Soldier Boy, who opens it to find a V1 syringe inside. The Boys hear an explosion from far away and run towards it. Cut to Bombsight looking at the wound near his shoulder.]''
:'''Bombsight''': This is the first time I've seen my blood in... I can't remember.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Homelander finds Soldier Boy with the V1 syringe he received from Bombsight. The Boys and Sister Sage watch them from the nearby woods.]''
:'''Homelander''': Don't. I don't wanna fight you.
:'''Soldier Boy''': ''[looks down at the syringe]'' You know, Clara used to say the craziest shit. That I was the strongest Supe alive, the ultimate expression of what we could be... but she was wrong. ''[pause]'' She hadn't met you yet.
:''[Soldier Boy offers the syringe to Homelander, who accepts it]''
:'''Butcher''': No.
:'''Sister Sage''': I don't understand. He wasn't supposed to... It's impossible.
:'''Homelander''': But you hate me.
:'''Soldier Boy''': I love her more... and this is what she would want.
:''[Homelander lasers his left arm and injects the V1 into his wound. His eyes immediately start flickering and he kneels to the ground in pain. The Boys watch in horror as Homelander screams and shoots powerful lasers into the sky.]''
:'''Butcher''': '''''Run.'''''

===''&quot;The Frenchman, the Female, and the Man Called Mother's Milk&quot;'' [5.07]===
:''[A V1-empowered Homelander sits in President Calhoun's chair in the Oval Office. He hears a knock at the door]''
:'''Homelander''': Come in! ''[in a cheerful tone, as Ashley and Calhoun enter]'' Hello, you two. Isn't it a beautiful day?
:'''Calhoun''': ''[nervously]'' You're welcome to use this office as long as you need. 
:'''Homelander''': I know. Let's get right to it! While Oh Father is hard at work on my divine unveiling, I have a few action items I need you to handle.
:'''Ashley''': Of course. Anything, sir.
:'''Homelander''': The Democratic Church of America is to be the ''official'' national religion, based around the one true god: Me. 
:'''Calhoun''': Great idea.
:'''Homelander''': I want every boundary between church and state dissolved. I want troops sent into every sanctuary city that took in Starlighters. Issue an executive order banning abortion. Also, breastfeeding is now mandatory. Babies need their mothers, not fake milk. Actually, outlaw that, too.
:'''Ashley''': Sir? 
:'''Homelander''': ''[intensely] Ban nut milk.'' The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was making you think nuts were milk. ''[snickers after a short silence]'' 
:'''Calhoun''': Those are all, uh, fantastic ideas, sir, um... I'll run them by Congress– 
:'''Homelander''': No, disband it.
:'''Calhoun''': Sorry? 
:'''Homelander''': Disband Congress. It's better for freedom. 
:'''Calhoun''': Well, sir, I don't really have that authority. 
:'''Homelander''': ''[frowns]'' Ashley, do me a favor. Read Steven's mind. I want to know if he's a true believer. 
:'''Calhoun''': But of... course I am, sir.
:'''Homelander''': Terrific! Then you have nothing to worry about. ''[gets up and steps over to Ashley]'' Do it. 
:''[He rips off her wig, and she gasps and covers her face in shame as &quot;Back Ashley&quot; is revealed]'' 
:'''Calhoun''': ''[revolted]'' What the fuck is that? 
:'''&quot;Back Ashley&quot;''': Don't look!
:'''Homelander''': Don't make me ask again. 
:'''&quot;Back Ashley&quot;''': ''[stammering in fear]'' Sir, I–I... Sir, I...
:'''Ashley''': ''[sighs; steels herself and turns back to Homelander]'' He's terrified of you, sir. He thinks you're just a tiny bit psychotic.
:'''Homelander''': Steven! ''[steps towards Calhoun, glaring intensely]'' Here I am. A living god. ''[rests his hands on Calhoun's shoulders]'' Right before your eyes. And still, your faith wavers? ''[beat; Calhoun is clearly too terrified to answer]'' It's okay. No, I'm not angry. ''[clasps his head gently]'' But I ''am'' disappointed.
:''[He crushes Calhoun's head into a pulp, then wipes the blood off his hands on a sofa. An utterly terrified Ashley stares at Calhoun's body as Homelander sits back down at the desk.]''

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:''[Hughie sees Kimiko suffering from radiation exposure inside a homemade uranium chamber while Butcher and Frenchie watch]''
:'''Hughie''': What the fuck is going on in here?
:'''Kimiko''': I'm okay.
:'''Butcher''': ''[to Frenchie]'' The second she's ready, we go the next dose, alright?
:'''Hughie''': &quot;Next dose?&quot; Are you kidding?! Look at her! What are you doing?
:'''Butcher''': Plan fuckin' B, my son. If at first you don't succeed, find another hole to fuck. See, Soldier Boy's flashy tіt blast got me thinkin', he–he weren't born with that power. The Ivans gave it to him through a consistent application of scientific methodology.
:'''Frenchie''': They threw an atom bomb worth of radiation at him.
:'''Butcher''': Right. So, usin' the research we nicked from 'em a few donkeys back, me and Frenchie are doin' the same thing to Kimiko. She gets Soldier Boy's power, she tіt-blasts Homelander, bees and fuckin' honey.
:'''Hughie''': So when we kept asking what you two were up to, and you kept saying, &quot;Mind your fuckin' business, cunt,&quot; it was this?
:'''Butcher''': Yeah.
:'''Hughie''': Butcher, this is... the most insane-ass shit I ever heard. In a few weeks, you're gonna somehow do what it took the Russians over a decade?
:'''Butcher''': Yeah, 'cause unlike the Ivans, we got us a livin', breathin' supercomputer bunked down in student services.
:'''Hughie''': Sage? All she does is self-medicate and binge [[w:Love Island (American TV series)|''Love Island'']]. This could fucking kill Kimiko. Frenchie…
:'''Frenchie''': No. It's not my wish.
:'''Hughie''': Fuck Butcher. Who cares what he wants?
:''[Kimiko coughs and stumbles out of the uranium chamber]'' 
:'''Kimiko''': Not Butcher. ''[panting heavily]'' Me. It's my call.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Annie''': Oh Father's up to something big at Vought Studios, but we don't know what. Could be a trap.
:'''Frenchie''': Could be.
:'''Butcher''': ''[to Frenchie]'' You stay here with Kimiko and Sage. We'll bust into the studio, nab the holy twat, stomp on his bollocks till he gives us Homelander's next move. And then I'll do the cunt and we'll call it an honest day's work, yeah?
:'''Hughie''': No. Quit acting like we're going on a milk run. It's over. ''[voice breaking]'' We lost.
:'''Butcher''': ''[beat]'' [[w:Victoria Beckham|Posh Spice]] was easily the most shit member of [[w:Spice Girls|the squad]]. Could barely sing or dance. No discernible talent whatsoever. Wasn't even featured on [[w:Wannabe|&quot;Wannabe&quot;]], but did that stop her? No. You look at her now... still married with [[w:David Beckham|Becks]]. Fifteen engagement rings, 32 ''Vogue'' covers, inducted by Prince William into the Order of the bloody British Empire. Even I doubted her move into women's apparel, but her line is a staple at Paris fuckin' Fashion Week. You see, despite her obvious disadvantages–includin' a tragic inability to smile–she never gave up, and we ain't givin' up either.
:'''Mother's Milk''': ''[shakes his head]'' Your fuckin' pep talks.
:'''Frenchie''': Terrible.
:'''Annie''': The worst.
:'''Butcher''': Oh, bollocks. That was a fuckin' knockout.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:''[Alone and depressed, The Deep tosses an aluminum can into the sea. A hammerhead shark appears and [[w:Samuel L. Jackson|speaks to him]]]''
:'''Xander''': Yo! You gonna get that, bro?
:'''The Deep''': Xander! ''[chuckles]'' Hey, what you doing here? So good to see you, man.
:'''Xander''': We wouldn't want a little guppy to get caught in that can, my man. Come on in, grab it. ''[swims in circles]''
:'''The Deep''': I've had such a fucked day, man. You wouldn't believe it, bro.
:'''Xander''': Yeah. Get in the water, man.
:'''The Deep''': No. You're not... You're not listening to me–
:'''Xander''': ''[angrily]'' Ah, shut the fuck up! We know you were responsible for the pipeline genocide. Remember March 15th, motherfucker!
:'''The Deep''': No... No, wait, that–That wasn't me, man!
:'''Xander''': If you step one foot, one fucking stupid-ass simian toe in the water ''ANYWHERE''—an ocean, a stream, a fucking puddle—Oh God, son, you're dead! We're gonna ''KILL YOU!'' You understand, you dumb motherfucker?! Water is fucking off limits to you! ''YOU ARE '''DEAD''' TO US! [swimming away]'' Bitch-ass!

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:''[Soldier Boy sees Homelander standing over a scale model of a Homelander-themed amusement park]''
:'''Soldier Boy''': The fuck is all this?
:'''Homelander''': Hey. HomeLand. Next phase of the reboot. Showing the faithful my boundless love for them. ''[points at a monument of himself]'' That there? The Homelander Mount. We're saying that this is where the angel visited me, and I ascended to godhood.
:'''Soldier Boy''': …Right.
:'''Homelander''': You're gonna love this. ''[waves his hand over a rollercoaster]'' This area here? We're calling it: &quot;Soldier Boy! Father of God!&quot; All the fastest rides are gonna be there, and every night, there's gonna be a ticker tape parade, honoring you.
:'''Soldier Boy''': ''[pause]'' I'm gonna head down to Bogotá. Figure I'll snort and fuck my way through the banana republics.
:'''Homelander''': Uh... When are you coming back?
:'''Soldier Boy''': Probably not for… ever.
:'''Homelander''': What? Look, if you don't like the park, I mean, forget it. I don't–I don't care about any of it. You want hοοker and blow? I'll get you all the drugs and all the wrinkly old whοres in America.
:'''Soldier Boy''': No, you're not hearing me.
:'''Homelander''': No, you're not hearing ''me.'' I am where I am because you chose me. To help me. So, I want you to have whatever you want.
:'''Soldier Boy''': What I want is to get away.
:'''Homelander''': From what? ''[scoffs]'' Or from who?
:'''Soldier Boy''': This just ain't my bag, kid.
:'''Homelander''': I welded your shield back together, you never use it. I hired you a three-star Michelin chef, all you ever order is meatloaf and chili. I even had L.J. mock up a new super suit for you. 
:''[Homelander pulls out a poster of Soldier Boy wearing an American flag-patterned suit]''
:'''Soldier Boy''': Oh, God. See, that's what I'm talking about.
:'''Homelander''': Oh, God? What?!
:'''Soldier Boy''': I don't want that. And another thing: I gave you the V1 because of Clara. Because that's what she would've wanted. This was never gonna be a &quot;playing catch on the front lawn&quot;, &quot;fixing up the old Impala&quot; bullshit. You're too weird.
:'''Homelander''': Stop fucking saying that.
:'''Soldier Boy''': And you're no god. No angel came to you. You had a wet dream about some chick with big, juicy tіts. If that makes you a god, then I'm a fucking god every night.
:'''Homelander''': '''I ''AM'' GOD!'''
:'''Soldier Boy''': ''[pause]'' Would it help if I said, &quot;It's not you, it's me&quot;?
:'''Homelander''': ''[laughs softly]'' If you wanna go, go.
:'''Soldier Boy''': ''[sighs; pats Homelander on the back]'' Good luck, son.
:''[Homelander suddenly grabs Soldier Boy from behind and puts him in a chokehold until he passes out]''
:'''Homelander''': I love you.

&lt;hr width='50%'&gt;
:'''Mother's Milk''': Help me out here. In the movie, was Homelander God, the [[w:Second Coming|Second Coming]], or Jesus' brother? 'Cause the world-building in there was fuckеd.
:'''Annie''': Does it even matter? I mean, they will believe whatever he tells them. What is the fucking point of saving people if they don't wanna be saved? This is what they want.
:'''Mother's Milk''': ''[beat]'' Alright. So, back when my Gramps got killed by Soldier Boy, shit got rough. Neighborhood kids laughed, called me soft, shit like that. And then one day, I find this pigeon on the sidewalk, wing busted. He was in bad shape. So, I run inside, grab a shoebox and a first aid kit, and come to start nursin' it. I figure, if I can save just this one life, maybe it might somehow make up for... Anyway, those same fuckin' kids, they found out. And so now, it don't take a genius to go from Marvin Milk to Mother's Milk. &quot;Yo, Mother's Milk, you letting that sky rat suck on your tіttіеs or that dіck?&quot; They were relentless. Right up until the day when that little bird flew outta my house and right over their heads, good as new. And you know what, Annie? Here's the crazy thing: I loved my new name. 'Cause I loved helpin' people. I loved being kind, makin' my family proud. That name was a badge of honor for me. Now, last year, locked up in that detention center, something changed. My heart, it just got scarred over. Like the world had just broken it one too many times. And yeah, it got easier, just being cynical. Checking out. But I also hated myself a lot more. I went from being a mοthеrfuckеr with a heart to just being a mοthеrfuckеr. But you know what? Givin' a shit in a world where nobody gives a shit? It ain't soft. It's hard as hell… and that's the real me. ''[pause]'' And that's the real you, too.

===''&quot;Blood and Bone&quot;'' [5.08]===

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    <title>David Swensen</title>
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      <text bytes="4039" sha1="hc9b5xm4ssecxqqm9b3ogb5a6v855gk" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:David Swensen|David Frederick Swensen]]''' (January 26, 1954 – May 5, 2021) was an American endowment fund manager, who was chief investment officer at Yale University from 1985 until his death in May 2021.

==Quotes==
===''Pioneering Portfolio Management'' (second edition, 2009)===
*When I wrote my second book, ''Unconventional Success'', I characterized its message as “a sensible investment framework for individuals,” in contrast to the institutional focus of Pioneering Portfolio Management. I erred in describing my target audiences. In fact, I have come to believe that the most important distinction in the investment world does not separate individuals and institutions; the most important distinction divides those investors with the ability to make high quality active management decisions from those investors without active management expertise. Few institutions and even fewer individuals exhibit the ability and commit the resources to produce risk-adjusted excess returns.

*Casual commitments invite casual reversal, exposing portfolio managers to the damaging whipsaw of buying high and selling low. Only with the confidence created by a strong decision-making process can investors sell mania-induced excess and buy despair-driven value.

*Intelligent acceptance of illiquidity, and a value orientation, constitutes a sensible, conservative approach to portfolio management.

===[https://bookdown.org/Albert/finance-shiller/guest-speaker-david-swensen.html Lecture at Yale University] (2011)===

*If you’ve got half of your assets in a single asset class, U.S. stocks, and you have 90% of your assets in U.S. marketable securities, you’re not diversified. Half your assets in a single asset class is way too much. 
*if you’ve got a long time horizon, you should be rewarded by accepting equity risks.
*So, if security selection and market timing are negative-sum games, then asset allocation would explain more than 100% of the returns.
*So, you could have a portfolio with 30% in U.S. Treasuries, and year in and year out you would pay this opportunity cost. And then, when the crisis comes, you can be happy for six or 12 or 18 months, and then you go back to paying the opportunity cost. And I would argue that, if you expand your time horizon to a sensible length of time, that the strategy, where you hold relatively little in the high opportunity cost U.S. Treasuries, is the best strategy for a long-term investor.
*we’re essentially one step removed from the security selection process. So, our job is to find the best hedge fund managers, find the best domestic equity managers, find the best buyout managers, and put together partnerships that work for them and work for the university.
*if somebody asked me whether stocks are expensive or cheap, my first line of defense, it doesn’t really matter all that much to me, because we’re well-diversified and because we do a great job of rebalancing.
*the risks that exist in the portfolio aren’t really captured by the standard deviation of the returns. Just a quick example: If you look at real estate, or timber, or even any of our illiquid assets, they’re appraised relatively infrequently. There tends to be a huge stability bias in the appraisals. If somebody looks at a piece of real estate 12 months ago, six months ago, and today, they’re likely to see pretty much the same thing that they saw over that period. You can compare and contrast that to the volatility they’ve got in the stock market. I think Bob Shiller deserves credit for coining the term “excess volatility.” There’s no question that stock prices are way more variable than they need to be to adjust for changes in the underlying fundamentals.

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}

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| bgcolor=#DDF | [[#Cave Dwellers|&lt;span title=&quot;Cave Dwellers&quot;&gt;01&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#DDF | [[#Gamera_2|&lt;span title=&quot;Gamera&quot;&gt;02&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#DDF | [[#Pod People|&lt;span title=&quot;Pod People&quot;&gt;03&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#DDF | [[#Gamera vs. Barugon_2|&lt;span title=&quot;Gamera vs. Barugon&quot;&gt;04&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#DDF | [[#Stranded in Space|&lt;span title=&quot;Stranded in Space&quot;&gt;05&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#DDF | [[#Time of the Apes_2|&lt;span title=&quot;Time of the Apes&quot;&gt;06&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#DDF | [[#Daddy-O|&lt;span title=&quot;Daddy-O&quot;&gt;07&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#DDF | [[#Gamera vs. Gaos_2|&lt;span title=&quot;Gamera vs. Gaos&quot;&gt;08&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#DDF | [[#The Amazing Colossal Man|&lt;span title=&quot;The Amazing Colossal Man&quot;&gt;09&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#DDF | [[#Fugitive Alien_2|&lt;span title=&quot;Fugitive Alien&quot;&gt;10&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#DDF | [[#It Conquered the World|&lt;span title=&quot;It Conquered the World&quot;&gt;11&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#DDF | [[#Gamera vs. Guiron_2|&lt;span title=&quot;Gamera vs. Guiron&quot;&gt;12&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#DDF | [[#Earth vs. the Spider|&lt;span title=&quot;Earth vs. the Spider&quot;&gt;13&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#DDF | [[#Mighty Jack_2|&lt;span title=&quot;Mighty Jack&quot;&gt;14&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#DDF | [[#Teenage Caveman|&lt;span title=&quot;Teenage Caveman&quot;&gt;15&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#DDF | [[#Gamera vs. Zigra_2|&lt;span title=&quot;Gamera vs. Zigra&quot;&gt;16&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#DDF | [[#The Saga of the Viking Women and their Voyage to the Waters of the Great Sea Serpent|&lt;span title=&quot;The Saga of the Viking Women and their Voyage to the Waters of the Great Sea Serpent&quot;&gt;17&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#DDF | [[#Star Force: Fugitive Alien II_2|&lt;span title=&quot;Star Force: Fugitive Alien II&quot;&gt;18&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#DDF | [[#War of the Colossal Beast|&lt;span title=&quot;War of the Colossal Beast&quot;&gt;19&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#DDF | [[#The Unearthly|&lt;span title=&quot;The Unearthly&quot;&gt;20&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#DDF | [[#Santa Claus Conquers the Martians|&lt;span title=&quot;Santa Claus Conquers the Martians&quot;&gt;21&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#DDF | [[#Master Ninja I|&lt;span title=&quot;Master Ninja I&quot;&gt;22&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#DDF | [[#The Castle of Fu Manchu|&lt;span title=&quot;The Castle of Fu Manchu&quot;&gt;23&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#DDF | [[#Master Ninja II|&lt;span title=&quot;Master Ninja II&quot;&gt;24&lt;/span&gt;]]
|}

=== [[w:Ator 2 - L'invincibile Orion|Cave Dwellers]] ===

==== Cave Dwellers (movie) ====

:''[The movie credits show: Miles O'Keefe]''
:'''[[w:Crow T. Robot|Crow]]''': How much Keefe is in this movie?
:'''Servo''': Oh, ''Miles O' Keefe''!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ator''': Man's destiny is predetermined.
:'''Joel''': Oh, he's a [[w:Calvinism|Calvinist]]!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Two villains have shot Mila with a bow and arrow. Mila is able to run away, so they follow chase.]''
:'''Servo [as one of the villains]''': You idiot, we don't even have a [[w:deer hunting|doe license]]!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Mila has been locked in a cell by Ator as a test of her knowledge.]''
:'''Joel [as Mila]''': Let's see now, there's a superball and half a peanut and a length of kite string and a carpenter's saw.
:'''Servo [as Mila]''': What would [[w:MacGyver|MacGyver]] do?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The narrator is introducing the characters in the film.]''
:'''Narrator''': After the time of the Great Forming, there was a time when the world was populated by wild, cruel, and ignorant men.
:'''[[w:Tom Servo|Servo]]''': Oh, you mean the '80s.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[In the flashback, Ator the Invicible fights a giant spider.]''
:'''[[w:Crow T. Robot|Crow]]''': He never killed, uh, that big a ''puppet'' before.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Ator is attacked by the same primitive-looking cavemen from the first scene in the movie.]''
:'''Crow''': Oh! These must be the &quot;Cave Dwellers&quot;!
:'''Servo''': Yes ladies and gentlemen, thirty-five minutes into the film and we ''finally'' have our first plot point!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Ator and Thong are attacked by invisible enemies.]''
:'''[[w:Joel Robinson|Joel]]''': I don't believe it — they were too cheap to hire ''villains'' in this movie.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The camera pans over a group of snakes, which suddenly make highly non-snake-like growling noises.]''
:'''Servo''': ...what?
:''[Another pan over snakes, another set of growling noises.]''
:'''Servo''': Uh... folks, we have snakes ''growling'' here...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Ator is battling a pathetic-looking snake puppet.]''
:'''Joel''': Hey, it's not slimy at all!
:'''Servo''': That's 'cause it's made out of velour.
: . . .
:'''Servo''': Just cut the wires, Ator!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Barbarian Ator leaps from a cliff in a rather modern-looking hang-glider.]''
:'''Servo''': Oh, come ''on''.
:'''Crow''': What the…?!
:'''Servo''': ''[laughs]''
:'''Joel''': Terrific. ''[childlike voice]'' [[w:The Pee-wee Herman Show|I'm the luckiest boy in the world!]] [[w:John Gillespie Magee, Jr.|I have slipped the surly bounds of Earth and touched the hand of God!]]
:'''Servo''': This is a ''little'' ridiculous. Okay, so… he kills a deer, he tans the hides, he stretches the skins, he makes an anodized aluminum frame, he learns how to extrude and weld… all in about five minutes, huh? ''[…]'' learned aerodynamics…

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Ator glides over the castle walls, dropping hand-made bombs on the guards.]''
:'''Servo''': ''[[w:Monty Python and the Holy Grail|Message for you, sir!]]'' Oh, he also made bombs while he was up there.
:'''Joel''': Looks like he's gonna carpet-bomb.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Despite flying over a castle amidst a mountain range, Ator brings his glider in for a landing in an open field.]''
:'''Joel''': Oh, he's landing in the [[w:outback|outback]] now.
:''[The scene then switches to Ator landing on top of said castle.]''
:'''Crow''': Uh— huh?
:'''Joel''': How'd he do that?
:'''Servo [as Ator]''': How'd I do that?
:''[Ator draws his swords and charges into battle.]''
:'''Joel''': Well, I s'pose he's got a [[w:tank|tank]] in the courtyard, now.
:'''Crow''': Yeah, and it's made out of [[w:Gilligan's Island|coconuts]].

=== [[w:Gamera, the Giant Monster|Gamera]] ===

==== Gamera (movie) ====

:''[Gamera's beady eyes watch Kenny as he flees from the rocky sea cliff.]''
:'''[[w:Crow T. Robot|Crow]] [as Gamera]''': Those kids at school — they tease you, Kenny. Because they['ve] never tasted hell. Today, we turn the tables!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[as Kenny uncovers a pile of rocks]''
:'''Crow''': Oh, it's Tibby's burial mound.
:'''Servo''': ''[defensive]'' Shut up! It's not funny. ''[Scoffs]''
:'''Kenny''': ''[looking for his turtle]'' You there?
:'''Servo''': ''[beginning to get a little sad]'' Oh Tibby...
:'''Kenny''': Tibby? 
:'''Crow''': [[w:To Be, or Not to Be|...or not Tibby]].
:'''Servo''': It's not- Stop it! Shut up!
:'''Kenny''': Tibby!
:'''Crow [as Kenny]''': Tibby! Tibby! ''SQUISH!'' Aww, Tibby!
:'''Servo''': ''[getting more emotional]'' That's not funny! Joel, tell him to stop!
:'''Kenny''': Tibby??? Tibby!
:'''Joel''': What are you worried about? Tibby's long dead, Tom.
:'''Servo''': ''[gets up and begins to walk away]'' I'm leaving! I ha- ''[sobbing]'' I can't take this, this is terrible!
:'''Joel''': Come on back, come on.
:'''Servo''': ''[returning to his seat]'' Will you stop with the jokes? 
:'''Joel''': Yeah. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[As the military prepares to destroy Gamera, little Kenny runs up to Dr. Murase and the General.]''
:'''Kenny''': Don't shoot Gamera! Don't shoot Gamera! He's good, he's good!
:'''[[w:Joel Robinson|Joel]] [as Dr. Murase]''': Let's listen to what Kenny has to say!
:'''Dr. Murase''': Yes. It might be a mistake. Maybe we shouldn't use those missiles.
:'''General''': Why not? It's the only way to kill that monster.
:'''[[w:Tom Servo|Servo]] [as Murase]''': Because Kenny ''said'' so.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[A television newsman is reporting on Gamera-related natural disasters.]''
:'''Newsman''': There's going to be a special conference later this evening at the university, during which Dr. Hidaka will talk to high-ranking officers...
:'''Crow [as Newsman]''': ... and Kenny...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dr. Murase''': Gamera seems able to resist attacks by all offensive weapons known to us. Therefore, I am forced to admit there may be even greater catastrophes ahead.
:'''Servo''': More Gamera movies?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Scene: the city of Oshima, where people are milling about.]''
:'''Announcer''': The city is off-limits to civilians. Not even the press is allowed to enter the area.
:'''Joel [as Announcer]''': Kenny, however, is free to move about.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Gamera is lured to the missile, trapped in a large capsule, and launched into space]''
:'''Servo''': Uhh...
:'''Crow''': Hey, Joel, remind you of anything?
:'''Joel''': ''[rips Crow's arm off and hits him with it]'' Yeah, it reminds me of ''this!''
:'''Crow''': Ah! Hey! Cut it out. 
:'''Crow and Servo''': ''[singing]'' In the not too distant future- ''[Joel hits Servo with the arm and throws it away]''
:'''Crow''': Ha ha!
:'''Servo''': You could get sued for that kind of thing.
:'''Joel''': I'm gonna sue ''you'' for using that song.

=== [[w:Extra Terrestrial Visitors|Pod People]] ===

:''[Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank explain the benefits of their invention: the [[w:Public domain|public domain]] karaoke machine]''
:'''Dr. Forrester''': Now, what happens when you go into your favorite karaoke bar and you want to hear &quot;[[w:I Want to Know What Love Is|I Want to Know What Love Is]]&quot; by Foreigner?
:'''TV's Frank''': People vomit?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dr. Forrester''': Your movie today is ''Pod People''. It has nothing to do with pods, it has nothing to do with people, it has ''everything'' to do with hurting!

&lt;hr width=''50%&quot;/&gt;
(Joel has made a skit about the 'Magic' scene, with Servo and Crow suspended on wires, ascending and descending wildly and awkwardly)
:'''Joel''': I can't bring them down! I don't know how it works!
:'''Servo''': I'm stuck! I'm stuck! (screams)
: . . .
:'''Joel''': ''Oh, we've got commercial sign!!''

==== Pod People (movie) ====

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The film opens with a view through a bedroom window, with a crash of lightning and the sound of thunder.]''
:'''[[w:Crow T. Robot|Crow]]''': [[w:It was a dark and stormy night|It was a dark and stormy night]]. I'd taken a creative writing course.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[One of the pod people comes upon two hunters in the woods.]''
:'''Hunter #1''': What the hell is that?
:'''Hunter #2''': I don't know...it looks like a cross between a pig and a bear!
:'''Crow''': A ''[[w:pear|pear]]''?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[a hunter comes upon the pods in a cave, and begins to violently smash them with a large stick]''
:'''Crow''': Oh, what is he, an ''[[w:Los_Angeles_riots_of_1992|L.A. Cop]]''?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The band finishes singing. Rick smiles and gives the &quot;okay&quot; sign, but then quickly frowns.]''
:'''Rick''': It stinks! {{hnote|The movie was filmed in Spain, where the okay sign is given to indicate something is worthless, or zero.}}

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The scene cuts from the cruising camper to the cave, emitting a red glow.]''
:'''Joel''': Oh, terrific — we were saved by the gates of Hell.
:'''Crow''': Hey, what is it about the gates of Hell that compels people to wander into 'em?
:'''Joel [as Adman]''': It's because of [[w:Smuckers|Smuckers]] raspberry preserves.
:'''Crow''': And what's he going to do, borrow a cup of sugar from Satan?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The musicians park their camper by a river. The forest sounds include synthesized musical chirps.]''
:'''Servo''': Syntho-birds.
:'''Crow''': Hey, it's a [[w:Casio|Casio]] forest.
:'''Joel''': They parked next to a data stream.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Tommy carries a carton of milk upstairs for Trumpy.]''
:'''Joel [as Tommy]''': Hey, what gives? [[w:Carton#Faces of missing children|''I'm'' on the milk carton]]!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tommy''': You know what &quot;play&quot; means, Trumpy?
:'''Crow [as Trumpy]''': Yes, it's where I break you in half.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Tommy shows Trumpy how to work a jigsaw puzzle.]''
:'''Tommy''': You see? The pieces go together.
:'''Joel''': Oh, if only this ''film'' were so lucky.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[With Trumpy's help, Tommy sees African-veldt stock footage through his telescope.]''
:'''Joel''': They got ''[[w:Wild Kingdom|Wild Kingdom]]'' on the telescope.
: . . .
:'''Tommy''': You can do ''magic'' things!
:''[Trumpy turns to reveal his eyes blazing with white light.]''
:'''Crow [as Trumpy]''': It's called &quot;evil&quot;, kid.
:'''Servo''': Hey, he's got his high-beams on. Hmm?
:'''Joel''': He's got [[w:Bette Davis Eyes|Bette Davis eyes]].
:'''Crow''': [[w:Little Orphan Annie|Orphan Annie]] eyes.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The campers walk into the room to find that their friend has died. Molly solemnly leads them back out.]''
:'''Crow [as Molly]''': Well, your breakfast is getting cold, and she's not getting any warmer.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Servo''': Meanwhile, in another movie? ''[sighs]'' Patience, gentle viewer, it'll all make sense soon.... NOT!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tommy's mother''': Tommy, can you hear me?
:'''Joel [as Tommy's mother]''': [[w:Tommy (album)|Can you feel me near you?]]

&lt;hr width=''50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Servo narrates over the movie's cheesy synthesizer soundtrack:]''
:'''Servo''': Tonight on Music from The Hearts of Space, we'll go on a cosmic joyride with some space music by various bay area artists.
:''[Later:]''
:'''Servo''': First up on Hearts of Space, John Tesh with ''Whispering Firestorm.'' Then it's Yanni with ''SnoreMaster of Trafalgamar.'' Then comes bay area musician DelMondo with his ''[[w:Sominex|Sominex]] Suite in B-flat.'' Then a synthesized interplanetary salute to Perry Como. At the end of the hour, we'll have information about the types of sedatives used by tonight's artists, on Music... from... The Hearts... of Space.

=== [[w:Gamera vs. Barugon|Gamera vs. Barugon]] ===

==== Gamera vs. Barugon (movie) ====

:''[A scorpion slowly crawls on Kawajiri as he maniacally celebrates the opal's discovery.]''
:'''[[w:Tom Servo|Servo]]''': [[The Bible#death-sting|Death, where is thy sting?]] We're ''waiting''.

=== [[w:The Stranger (1973 film)|Stranded in Space]] ===

==== Stranded in Space (movie) ====

=== [[w:Saru no Gundan|Time of the Apes]] ===

:'''Gypsy''': I thought I told you kids not to play ball in the house!

==== Time of the Apes (movie) ====

:''[As the humans climb hand-over-hand under a bridge, Caroline knocks a small chunk of wood into the river.]''
:'''[[w:Crow T. Robot|Crow]] [as Caroline]''': My piece of wood! It died so that we might live.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[An Ape military officer gathers the troops.]''
:'''Crow [as Officer]''': About face! Crap in hands! Fling crap!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Caroline''': Catherine, I'm scared!
:'''Catherine''': Don't worry, we're with you.
:'''[[w:Crow T. Robot|Crow]]''': We're doomed, but with you.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Crow T. Robot|Crow]]''': C'mon! Try and move faster than the plot!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Caroline, Johnny, and Catherine are running and hiding from ape military officers]''
:'''Catherine''': Hurry, this way!
:'''[[w:Crow T. Robot|Crow]]''': Oh, like you know where you're going!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Trees in the background begin to tremble ominously]''
:'''[[w:Tom Servo|Servo]]''': AAAH! The tree's having a seizure!

=== [[w:Daddy-O (film)|Daddy-O]] ===

:'''Dr. Forrester''': ''[offscreen, towards Frank while the button to end the experiment is broken]'' Frank, what are you doing?
:'''TV's Frank''': I was just getting a- uh, piece of water.
:'''Dr. Forrester''': A piece of water?
:'''TV's Frank''': I mean a glass of- cake... I mean-
:'''Dr. Forrester''': Come here. ''[drags Frank over to the button by the ear and forces him to hold the button down; the credits start only to cut back to Deep 13, with the two working on the computer board]'' Well that's it, Frank; we're licked.
:'''TV's Frank''': Dr. Forrester, I've known you to be many things, but not a quitter. Are you going to give up? Live, damn it; LIVE!
:'''Dr. Forrester''': Oh, I remember now; alt function seven. ''[presses an alternate button and the credits finally roll properly]''

==== Alphabet Antics (short) ====

:''[The letter A (for &quot;Airplane&quot;) is represented by a herd of cows boarding an airplane.]''
:'''Crow''': Oh, great. I know I'm going to sit next to one of these people.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The letter D (for &quot;Dancing&quot;) is represented as a group of children dancing.]''
:'''Servo''': D is for damned, as in &quot;[[w:Village Of The Damned|Village Of]]&quot;.
:. . .
:'''[[w:Crow T. Robot|Crow]] [as dancing boy/Hitler]''': You vill dance with me, Eva!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The letter G is represented by giraffes. One of them looks to the camera.]''
:'''Servo [as giraffe]''': I want a Clark bar.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The letter I (for &quot;In&quot;) is represented by the White House.]''
:'''Joel''': I is for Ike. He hides inside.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[L is represented by stock footage of a parade. A large balloon in the shape of an ice cream cone is seen]''
:'''Joel''': Elvis has ordered an ice cream cone.
:. . .
:''[Later, a balloon of an overweight man is shown.]''
:'''Joel''': And there's Elvis now.
:. . .
:''[The same stock footage of the parade, this time featuring nursery rhyme-themed, floats is shown to represent N.]''
:'''Servo''': ''[before the narrator can talk]'' N is for float... huh?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[A balloon of a panda bear is shown.]''
:'''Servo''': Ah, and there's Louie Anderson.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Narrator''': O is for once...
:'''Servo''': &quot;Once&quot;? O is for &quot;Once&quot;? What, was there a writer's strike?
:. . .
:''[The clip is a series of animals plowing a field.]''
:'''Servo''': O is for the obscene treatment of animals.
:. . .
:'''Joel''': P is for PETA, who's boycotting this. And this. And this.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Narrator''': Q is for the queer, queer pelican / Whose beak can hold more than his belican!
:'''[[w:Joel Robinson|Joel]] [as Narrator]''': P is for plagiarism from [[w:Ogden Nash|Ogden Nash]]! {{hnote|The narrator's line is lifted from ''The Pelican'', a poem by Dixon Lanier Merritt, often mistakenly attributed to Ogden Nash.}}

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The letter R (for &quot;Ribbon&quot;) is represented by children dancing around the maypole.]''
:'''Crow''': Hey, these are all boys!
:. . .
:'''Joel''': Hey, there's Jack Klugman and Tony Randall!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Servo''': U is for upchuck that comes from below. ''[imiates vomiting]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Narrator''': X is for Xmas...
:'''Servo''': X is for existential dilemma.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Servo''': Yeah, well, Y is for [[w:Yanni|Yanni]], as far as I'm concerned.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[During Y (for &quot;Young&quot;), a clip of children fishing is seen.]''
:'''Joel''': Y is the chemical symbol for [[w:yttrium|heavy metals]] that the fish is full of!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[As the film ends]''
:'''Crow [as Narrator]''': I hope we've touched you with a little bit of our evilness.

==== Daddy-O (movie) ====

:''[Upon seeing the title of the movie]''
:'''Crow''': Daddy-O!
:'''Servo''': Must be [[W:Harry O|Harry O]]'s father. Or [[w:Wendy O. Williams|Wendy O.]]'s dad.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Hefty villain Sidney Chillas follows Sonny out of the bar.]''
:'''Crow [as Chillas]''': Nobody walks out on me. I'm Charles Foster Kane!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Chillas is able to catch up with and run Sonny's car off the road.]''
:'''Crow [as Chillas]''': You see it doesn't matter how slow I go, I'll catch him; my son's the editor.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Hefty villain Sidney Chillas invites Phil &quot;Daddy-O&quot; Sandifer to his office to discuss a &quot;business opportunity&quot;.]''
:'''Joel [as Chillas]''': Let's eat some butter. ''Gobs'' of butter. Big handfuls!
:''[Sidney hands Phil a fake driver's license.]''
:'''Phil''': What's this?
:'''Servo [as Chillas]''': It's made of butter.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[As a couple of drug dealers are beating up Phil for information]''
:'''Man in Hat''': Anything new to tell me?
:'''Servo [as Phil]''': ''[straining]'' [[Citizen Kane|Rosebud]], was a sled.

=== [[w:Gamera vs. Gaos|Gamera vs. Gaos]] ===

==== Gamera vs. Gaos (movie) ====

:''[During an establishing shot of a farm, a cow moos.]''
:'''Crow''': Oh, bless you.
:''[Cuts to Grandpa Kanamura.]''
:'''Crow''': ''[startled]'' Was ''he'' mooing?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Photographer''': ''[trying to get Eiichi's attention]'' Hey, Boy! Boy!
:'''Joel''': [[w:West Side Story|Crazy Boy!]]

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Gaos chows down on a hapless reporter.]''
:'''Crow''': Welcome to this week's edition of ''[[w:Meet the Press|Eat the Press]]''.

=== [[w:The Amazing Colossal Man|The Amazing Colossal Man]] ===

==== The Amazing Colossal Man (movie) ====

:''[Glen Manning runs to rescue a pilot who crashed near an imminent nuclear bomb test. Joel and the Bots pretend to be voices in Glen's head.]''
:'''[[w:Tom Servo|Servo]]''': ''[in Irish accent]'' Glen, this is your Father O'Malley. Come back, boy! It's not worth it!
:'''[[w:Crow T. Robot|Crow]]''': ''[in old lady voice]'' Glen, this is your 1st-grade teacher. Don't do it.
:'''[[w:Joel Robinson|Joel]]''': Glen, this is your mother. If you stop, I'll make your favorite dish.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Glenn''': All I know is I just don't want to grow anymore.
:'''Joel [as Glenn]''': I'm a Toys 'R Us kid.
:'''Glenn''': ''I don't want to grow anymore!''
:'''Joel [as Glenn]''': ''I'm a Toys 'R Us kid!''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Sixty-foot-tall Glenn heads for Boulder Dam.]''
:'''Servo''': Hey, look! He'll be the biggest guy by a dam site!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Crow''': Suzie thinks she doesn't need a seatbelt. Let's watch Suzie go ballistic, through the windshield.

=== [[w:Star Wolf (TV series)|Fugitive Alien]] ===

:''[In Deep 13, &quot;Jack Perkins&quot; introduces the movie, then continues to ramble.]''
:'''Jack Perkins''': Then, Joyce Carol Oates will be out to read from her wonderous new work of fiction, her… first novel in ''well'' over a month. Then… Peter, Paul, and Mary will be out to… give us a wonderous rendition from one of the songs off their scintillating new album. Then Hume Cronyn [and] Jessica Tandy will be out to tell us… some poignant stories of the joys and sorrows of being… really, really… ''horribly'' old.

==== Fugitive Alien (movie) ====

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[during the title sequence]''
:'''Crow''': Sandy Frank presents our own personal ''hell!''
:'''Servo''': Indeed. 
:'''Joel''': Who ''is'' that guy?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[as the film opens with an invasion fleet over a planet]''
:'''Crow''': Oh man, cool, this is just like episode 38 of ''[[w:Star Trek (The Original Series)|Star Trek]]'', the first season, but it doesn't have that same kind of-
:'''Servo''': No no no, it's like the star raider the [[w:Dalek|Daleks]] had in the [[w:The Doctor|fifth generation]] of the ''[[w:Doctor Who|Doctor Who]]'', when they had [[w:The Three Doctors (Doctor Who)|the three Doctors together]], and they had the one that looked like Mo-
:'''Crow''': No, it's definitely like a [[w:Klingons|Klingon]]!
:'''Joel''': Okay, that's good...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[as the fleet attacks a city]''
:'''Crow''': Oh, this is super cool, like that [[w:Saga of a Star World|first episode]] of ''[[w: Battlestar Galactica (1978 TV series)|Battlestar Galactica]]'' when they have to leave the planet, and [[w:Jane Seymour (actress)|Jane Seymour]] got stabbed in the back!
:'''Servo''': No no no, it's like ''Invasion Earth''- it's like ''Invasion Earth'' and they'll be like Zola babies when the fast source ships come in and they-
:'''Crow''': Nuh-uh!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[as a big list of writers are appears]''
:'''Crow''': Why do they need so many writers?
:'''Servo''': Well, they needed one guy for the verbs, one guy for the nouns, some guys for the adjectives, you know, adverbs...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[as Ken flips through the air during the beginning attack]'' 
:'''Joel''': Oh, it's an intriguing mix of genocide and modern dance. 
:'''Crow''': Hey, you're starting to sound like Jack Perkins, Joel.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[as Ken flees, after accidentally killing his own soldier]''
:'''Crow''': Just like that episode, where it was like the [[w:Patterns of Force (Star Trek: The Original Series)|Nazi world]] on ''Star Trek''. 
:'''Servo''': No no no, it was like ''Doctor Who'', when [[w:Tom Baker|Tom Baker]] was the Doctor- I think he was the Fifth Doctor, and he was trying to save Neela from the Clite Masters.
:'''Joel''': That's enough. 
:'''Crow''': No, 'cause I saw it at a math tournament. 
:'''Servo''': No, I saw- I saw it in the Who Festival. They had 12 hours...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ken''': I don't wanna die in the middle of nowhere!
:'''Joel [as Ken]''': I wanna die in the thong section of Victoria's Secret!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[as Ken is rescued by the crew of the ''Bacchus 3'']''
:'''Servo''': Oh, I remember this. This is just like in ''[[w:Marooned (1969 film)|Marooned]]'', when [[w:David Janssen|David Janssen]] goes to save [[w:Gene Hackman|Gene Hackman]] and [[w:James Franciscus|James Franciscus]] in the derelict spaceship before the Soviet- the- the- the Soviet...
:'''Crow''': Yeah, that's pretty cool.
:'''Servo''': Yeah, and the Soviet satellite comes up and...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Joel Robinson|Joel]], [[w:Crow T. Robot|Crow]], [[w:Tom Servo|Servo]]''': ''[singing]''
:: This is the song written for the train chase.
:: This is the chase, Rocky and Ken!
:: He tried to kill me with a forklift…
:: Olé!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ken''': There's the ship... but how do I get aboard?
:'''[[w:Tom Servo|Servo]]''': Go to the lumber yard! That's how you get a board!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Captain Joe''': Rocky, how often do I have to tell you, you should stop reading those science fiction novels?
:'''Crow [as Rocky]''': ''[defensively]'' THEY'RE COMIC BOOKS!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as the crew of Bacchus 3 discusses what to do about Ken, while Captain Joe drinks from a flask]''
:'''Rocky''': Captain, anyone can make a mistake, just as long as you don't keep on repeating it. I think we should get rid of Ken.
:'''Crow [as Joe]''': Which one?
:'''Tammy''': I disagree. Have you already forgotten? Ken saved our lives! I think he deserves another chance. Don't you agree?
:'''Rocky''': Okay.
:'''Joel''': Man of firm convictions...
:'''Rocky''': I guess you're right. I'll take him back on one condition...
:'''Joel [as Rocky]''': You stop drinking, and start going to meetings.

=== [[w:It Conquered the World|It Conquered the World]] ===

==== Snow Thrills (short) ====

: ''[Bobsledding wipeouts are shown in the cavalcade of snow sports.]''
:'''Servo''': Boy, all this just to talk to [[w:Jim McKay|Jim McKay]].

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The high-energy narrator mentions skiing, but pronounces it &quot;shiing&quot;.]''
:'''Narrator''': ...And &quot;shiing&quot; is the correct pronunciation, they tell us!
:'''Joel''': Yeah, well, you're full of skit.
:. . .
:''[A few moments later, a title card appears on the screen reading &quot;Cross-country skiing amid scenes of winter magnificence in Canada's snow-covered playgrounds.&quot;]''
:'''Tom''': Srosh-country shee-ing amid skeens of winter magnifishence in Sanada's shnow-sovered playgrounschs.

==== It Conquered the World (movie) ====

:''[Over drinks, scientist Tom Anderson ([[w:Lee Van Cleef|Lee Van Cleef]]) explains the global power shortage to his friend and fellow scientist Paul Nelson.]''
:'''Paul Nelson''': I'm sorry, Tom — I can't bring myself to believe what you're saying.
:'''Servo [as Tom Anderson]''': Then gimme back my cocktail.
:'''Tom Anderson''': It's nothing new. It's been years since anyone's believed me.
:'''Crow [as Tom Anderson]''': Bitter? Oh, a ''tad''.
: . . .
:''[As their wives listen, Dr. Anderson explains to Dr. Nelson about his connection to the alien behind the shortage.]''
:'''Joan Nelson''': A personal ''friend'' of yours?
:'''Servo [as Joan]''': Name dropper!
:'''Claire Anderson''': ''[sarcastically]'' Real chums.
:'''Tom Anderson''': The days when people made fun of me are over, girl.
:'''Crow [as Dr. Anderson/Zod]''': [[Superman II#General Zod|You will bow down before me!]]

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Paul Nelson ([[w:Peter Graves (actor)|Peter Graves]]) observes the carnage of Tom Anderson's mutually fatal battle with the alien.]''
:'''Paul Nelson''': He learned almost too late that man is a feeling creature… and, because of it, the greatest in the universe. He learned too late for himself that men have to find their own way, to make their own mistakes. There can't be any gift of perfection from outside ourselves. And when men seek such perfection… they find only death… fire… loss… disillusionment… the end of everything that's gone forward. Men have always sought an end to the toil and misery, but it can't be given, it has to be achieved. There is hope, but it has to come from inside — from man himself.

=== [[w:Gamera vs. Guiron|Gamera vs. Guiron]] ===

:''[From the SOL version of &quot;The Gamera Song&quot;…]''
:'''Joel, [[w:Crow T. Robot|Crow]], Servo''': Gamera! / Gamera! / Gamera is really neat! / Gamera is filled with meat! / We've been eating Gamera!

==== Gamera vs. Guiron (movie) ====

:''[The movie credits show: &amp;copy; MCMLXIX DAIEI CO. LTD.]''
:'''[[w:Tom Servo|Servo]]''': ''[singing to the Nestl&amp;eacute;'s jingle]'' M-C-M-L-X-I-X / Daiei makes the very best
:'''[[w:Joel Robinson|Joel]]''': ''[singing]'' Movies — NOT!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[during a scene with very poor dubbing]''
:'''Dr. Shiga''': There's no...
:'''Servo [as Dr. Shiga]''': Business like... show business. 
:'''Dr. Shiga''': ... air or water on the moon... so no living thing inhabits it. As you know for sure. 
:'''Servo''': Uh-huh.
:'''Dr. Shiga''': And...
:'''Joel and Servo''': Yeah? Uh-huh?
:'''Dr. Shiga''': ... there are...
:'''Servo''': Go on. 
:'''Joel''': We're waiting. Go on. 
:'''Dr. Shiga''': ... no rivers on Mars. 
:'''Servo''': Oh.
:'''Crow''': Yes. 
:'''Dr. Shiga''': And on Venus...
:'''Joel''': Yeah?
:'''Dr. Shiga''': ... it has several hundred degrees centigrade.
:'''Joel''': We're waiting.
:'''Servo''': It does.
:'''Dr. Shiga''': And...
:'''Servo''': Yes?
:'''Joel''': Go on?
:'''Dr. Shiga''': ... the surface of... Jupiter is covered with...
:'''Servo''': ''[getting annoyed]'' '''SUM. UP.'''
:'''Dr. Shiga''': ... frozen ammonia. 
:'''Joel''': You got a little uh...
:'''Dr. Shiga''': Saturn... is also...
:'''Joel''': Mhmm? 
:'''Dr. Shiga''': ...the same.
:'''Servo''': Get on with it!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Servo''': ''[singing along to the film's score]'' Let's watch the kids go to their fates / They'll disappear into the woods / It will be days before they're found / Cornjob will be blamed.
:'''Crow''': ''[singing]'' Why must we sing this stupid song? / It's getting really a-nnoying / We apologize for its le-ength...
:'''Servo, Crow, and Joel''': We are filled with shame. 
:'''Servo''': Ta-da!
:'''Joel''': ''[singing]'' Now back to our '''show.'''
:'''Servo''': Sorry. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[An establishing shot of [[w:Gaos|Gaos]]]''
:'''Joel''': [[w:Come Together|Here comes old flattop...]]
:'''Servo''': ''[whispering]'' Don't! [[George Harrison]] will sue you!
:'''Joel''': Oops, sorry!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[during the battle between Gaos and Guiron; Gaos attempts to use a beam attack, which Guiron deflects back to Gaos' leg, dismembering Gaos]''
:'''Crow''': He's got a leg up on him now. 
:''[Joel and Servo groan]''
:'''Servo''': Crow!
:'''Crow''': I know. 
:...
:''[Guiron leaps up at Gaos while they are in flight, slicing off one of Gaos' wings, causing them to crash]''
:'''Crow''': Hi-keeba! I'd give my right arm to beat that guy. 
:'''Servo''': D'oh!
:'''Crow''': He's flying on a limb and a prayer, you might say. 
:'''Servo''': Grrr!
:'''Crow''': He's going out on a limb! He's winging it!
:'''Servo''': Do something, Joel! Do something!
:''[Joel begins shaking Crow, threatening to tear an arm off while he laughs]''
:'''Joel''': I'm just gonna leave that there...
:'''Servo''': ''[watching Gaos' wings twitch]'' Hey look, buffalo wings, guys- ''[realizes]'' Don't hurt me. 
:...
:''[Guiron decapitates Gaos]''
:'''Crow''': Quit while you're ahead!
:''[Servo groans and Joel shakes Crow some more]''
:'''Crow''': I'm sorry, I'm sorry- ahhh!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Akio''': ''[as he and Tom meet the two space-girls]'' Please tell me, what star are we on? 
:'''Joel [as Akio]''': What's the drinking age? 
:'''Servo''': ''[whispering]'' It's a ''planet''. 
:'''Tom''': How far are we from the Earth?
:'''Space Girl''': We call this star, Terra...
:'''Servo''': ''[whispering]'' It's a ''planet''!
:'''Space Girl''': It's on the opposite side of the Earth where you are living. Exactly like the Earth with the sun between, same size and moving like the Earth. 
:'''Akio''': So you mean to tell us that it's like a twin star, then? 
:'''Servo''': ''[getting annoyed]'' It's a ''PLANET.''
:'''Tom''': I wondered if there was such a star.
:'''Servo''': It's a '''''PLANET!!!'''''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The brain-eating space girls return after the boys fall unconscious from eating drugged donuts.]''
:'''Joel [as Space Girl]''': Kids' brains always taste better when they've been thinking about donuts.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Akio reaches up and finds his head has been shaved]''
:'''Akio''': Hey, what happened to my hair?
:'''Tom''': The space aliens did it, they're cannibals!
:'''Joel [as Akio]''': They '''''ate''''' my hair?
:''[this particular joke was improvised by [[w:J. Elvis Weinstein|Josh's Servo]] in [[Mystery Science Theater 3000#Gamera vs. Guiron|the original KTMA episode]]]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tomoko''': Akio and Tom went on a spaceship, mother!
:'''Akio's Mother''': Don't tell me such a silly story like Akio and Tom. 
:'''Tomoko''': It's true! We found a spaceship near the river, and they went inside. It lit up suddenly, and-
:'''Akio's Mother''': I see. Akio's up to something again. 
:'''Joel [as Akio's Mother]''': No more sugar for you. 
:'''Tomoko''': Please tell me something. Don't you believe in spaceships, and spacemen, you know?
:'''Akio's Mother''': No I don't. 
:'''Tomoko''': But, the paper said a lot of people saw flying saucers. Don't you know it?
:'''Akio's Mother''': They are all made up stories!
:'''Tomoko''': But mother-
:'''Crow [as Akio's Mother]''': I'm not your mother!
:'''Akio's Mother''': Stop it! Study, or you cannot enter a ''good'' school. 
:'''Servo [as Akio's Mother]''': Mommy's just... mad 'cause she doesn't know... phonics.
:'''Crow [as Tomoko]''': I'll show her! [[w:Yoko Ono|I'm gonna grow up to break up]] [[The Beatles]]!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[At the spaceship landing site, reporters laugh at little sister Tomoko. She walks away, crestfallen.]''
:'''Joel [as Tomoko]''': ''[in psychotic child voice]'' When the whip comes down, you will see who rules, you twisted old fruit!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Tom's Mother drives up to Aiko's home]''
:'''Tom's Mother''': Good afternoon, I've come to pick up Tom.
:'''Crow''': It's Vanessa Redgrave!
:''[Aiko's mother approaches]''
:'''Aiko's Mother''': Hello Elsa...
:'''Servo''': Hello, Inga.
:'''Tom's Mother''': Hello, thank you.
:'''Joel''': Hello!
:'''Tom's Mother''': ...thank you again.
:'''Servo''': Hello.
:'''Crow''': Thank you.
:'''Joel''': Hello.
:'''Aiko's Mother''': ...sorry to say, but Tom went out with Aiko and hasn't returned.
:'''Joel''': Thank you.
:'''Tom's Mother''': I see, well where did they go? Does Tomoko know anything about it?
:'''Crow''': Hello.
:'''Aiko's Mother''': No, and there's no use to ask her...
:''[shot of Tomoko on the balcony]''
:'''Servo [as Tomoko]''': I'm gonna jump, don't try to stop me!
:'''Tom's Mother''': ...you said space?
:'''Aiko's Mother''': Yeah.
:'''Joel''': Hello!
:'''Aiko's Mother''': ...much longer.
:'''Servo, Crow, and Joel''': Thank you!
:'''Aiko's Mother''': So he just have run away knowing that you were coming to pick him up.
:'''Servo''': Hahahaha...
:'''Servo, Crow, and Joel''': Hello!
:'''Crow''': That provides me with interest, and for that, I thank you!
:'''Joel''': Hello.
:'''Crow''': Thank you.
:'''Aiko's Mother''': ...much longer.
:'''Tom's Mother''': Thank you. If you wouldn't mind please, let him stay.
:'''Joel''': Thank you.
:'''Servo [as Tom's Mother]''': I'll pick him up when he's 21, thank you!
:'''Aiko's Mother''': ...please drop in for tea.
:'''Crow''': Hello.
:'''Tom's Mother''': Thanks, but I'm in a hurry.
:'''Aiko's Mother''': I see...
:'''Servo''': Thank you.
:'''Crow''': Bye.
:'''Joel''': Hello, and thank you!
:''[Tom's mother gets in her car]''
:'''Crow''': Thank you for going.
:'''Joel''': Hello.
:'''Servo [as Tom's Mother]''': Oh send him to Harvard, will you? Thank you, hello!
:''[As Tom's mother drives away, Tomoko surprises her by hiding in the back seat]''
:'''Joel [as Tomoko/hijacker]''': Shut up and keep driving! And thank you!
:'''Tomoko''': Hello!
:'''Servo''': ''[laughing]'' Hello!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After he stands up for her, Tomoko tugs on Officer Kondo's sleeve.]''
:'''Tomoko''': Kon-chan?
:'''Officer Kondo''': Heh? What?
:'''Joel [as Tomoko]''': ''[whispers]'' They will all die by Gamera's hand!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[As Gamera flies toward the crowd with the spaceship in his mouth, Tomoko jumps down into the landing site crater.]''
:'''Joel [as Tomoko]''': I'm first! I wish to be the first to be crushed!

=== [[w:Earth vs. the Spider|Earth vs. the Spider]] ===

:''[Joel mentions [[w:KISS_%28band%29|KISS]]]''
:'''Crow''': ''[sighs]'' Joel, I hate to break it to you: KISS were '''NEVER''' cool!

==== Speech: Using Your Voice (short) ====

:'''Professor Bueller''': Did you know that everyday someone loses a sale...
:'''Crow [as Bueller]''': ...or an arm...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Bueller gestures toward a rack holding three placards that say: &quot;Heard&quot;, &quot;Understood&quot;, and &quot;Pleasing&quot;.]''
:'''Professor Bueller''': Now, remember these three points: you must be heard, you must be understood, and you must be pleasing.
:'''Servo [as Bueller]''': Oh, and you must have a wire rack.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Professor Bueller''': Do you know...
:'''Crow [as Bueller]''': ...that I have little bunnies painted on my knees? I do.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Bueller shows a clip of a man stammering through a speech, showing us what not to do]''
:'''Man #1''': Well, uh, the fact is, we, uh, we spent, er, many nights in the, uh, um, well...
:'''Crow [as Man #1]''': Uh... er... panties!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[After Bueller's second monologue about &quot;heard,&quot; &quot;understood&quot; and &quot;pleasing&quot;]''
:'''Bueller''': Now, let's look at another typical example.
:''[Cut to a young woman giving a speech.]''
:'''Crow [as Bueller]''': This man is wearing a push-up bra. Now ''he'' is pleasing.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Another speaker mumbles through the side of his mouth while addressing a table of people.]''
:'''Man #2''': Funny ting happem up dere 't da station, See, A wash sittin dere waitin' for d'fellas when...
:'''Crow [as Man #2]''': Duh, I was under da bleachers at da ball game, and dat's when da cop chased me 'n' asked me what I was doin'...
:'''Man #2''': I shaid mishter, ah shaid mishter, dis, dis ishn't your seat, see ah' been sittin' here whol' lot longer 'n' you sheem t' think ah have, and...
:'''Servo''': Ah, [[Garrison Keillor]].

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Professor Bueller''': Many of his listeners won't be able to understand him, and those that do...
:'''Joel [as Bueller]''': ...will wish he were dead.

==== Earth vs. the Spider (movie) ====
:'''Carol Flynn''': I know something's happened to him. 
:'''Mike Simpson''': Sure it did. Maybe he ran out of gas, he'd never meet anybody on this road... hold everything, what do you call that?
:'''Servo [as Carol]''': Oh, that's just a dead fa- a '''DEAD FATHER???''' Oh nooo! ''[Sobbing]''
:'''Crow [as Carol]''': Oh my God!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Trapped in the giant &quot;web&quot;, a heavyset, dark curly-haired man is attacked by the spider.]''
:'''[[w:Joel Robinson|Joel]]''': No, [[w:Doctor Laurence Erhardt|Dr. Erhardt]], no! So ''that's'' what happened to him!
:'''[[w:Tom Servo|Servo]]''': Wow.
:'''[[w:Crow T. Robot|Crow]] [as Dr. Erhardt]''': Enjoy! {{hnote|The only mention of former 'Mad' Dr. Laurence Erhardt after his departure.}}

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The camera pans onto a victim of the spider: a shriveled-up corpse completely drained of blood.]''
:'''Crow''': It's Rose Kennedy!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[as a scene opens outside a movie theater, featuring a familiar movie poster]''
:'''Crow''': Hey! [[w:The Amazing Colossal Man|&quot;What kind of sin must a man commit in a single lifetime?&quot;]]
:'''Servo''': Cool!
:'''Mike's Father''': Mike, you're wanted on the phone. 
:'''Crow [as Mike's Father]''': And get my shirts from the laundry. 
:''[Mike goes inside]''
:'''Joel [as Mike]''': Oh boy, I get to walk by that poster again. Cool!
:''[Mike walks into a room with multiple photos featuring shots of various films from Bert I. Gordon]''
:'''Servo''': ... everywhere... oh Bert...
:'''Mike''': Hello? 
:'''Carol''': Hi Mike, this is Carol. You said you'd take me out to the cave to find the bracelet. 
:'''Crow [as Arnold Schwarzenegger]''': [[w:Commando (1985 film)|I lied.]]
:'''Mike''': You don't mean right now, do you?
:'''Carol''': If you can get away. Please Mike?
:'''Mike''': Carol, not today, my dad just got in a new picture and I haven't even seen it yet. [[w:Attack of the Puppet People|Something about puppet people.]] Sounds pretty wild. 
:'''Joel''': Oh, shame on you, Bert I. Gordon...
:'''Carol''': Please?
:'''Mike''': Oh, okay, I think I can borrow Joe's car again. 
:'''Carol''': Only don't come by the house for me. I don't want mother to know I'm going out there. 
:'''Mike''': Alright, I'll be down at the corner in 15 minutes. 
:'''Carol''': I'll be waiting. 
:''[Mike runs outside]''
:'''Mike''': I'll see you dad, I got a date now!
:'''Mike's Father''': Where will you be? I said where will you be if I want you?
:'''Servo [as Mike's Father]''': Wait! Aren't you going to watch that wonderful Bert I. Gordon movie?

=== [[w:Mighty Jack|Mighty Jack]] ===

:'''[[w:Joel Robinson|Joel]], [[w:Crow T. Robot|Crow]], [[w:Tom Servo|Servo]]''': ''[singing to &quot;Blow the Man Down&quot;]''
::Slow the plot down, laddy, slow the plot down
::Way hey, slow the plot down!
::We'll scuttle the story and run her aground.
::We'll try so hard to slow the plot down!
::
::Ohhh, we'll make you a movie that's long and immense.
::Way hey, slow the plot down!
::Just give us a script that makes no friggin' sense!
::We'll try so hard to slow the plot down!

==== Mighty Jack (movie) ====

:''[One of the credits for the cameramen is listed as SFX Camera .]''
:'''Joel''': Sex cameraman? Is this a–
:'''Servo''': No, no, no– S-F-X, Joel.

=== [[w:Teenage Caveman (1958 film)|Teenage Caveman]] ===

:''[it's raining outside of the Satellite and the crew is bored]''
:'''Magic Voice''': Why don't you boys play Hungry Hungry Hippoes?
:'''Joel''': Oh; we lost all the marbles.
:'''Servo''': Hey, Magic Voice; don't suppose you know where our Mouse Trap game is, do you?
:'''Magic Voice''': I didn't play with it last.
:'''Crow''': ''[sighs]'' The pieces are missing anyway.
. . .
:'''Magic Voice''': Well, why don't you read a book?
:'''Joel''': ''[as he and the Bots scoff and protest]'' Oh, gag me... no way!
:'''Magic Voice''': Well, I don't know what you're going to do then. It's Commercial Sign in five seconds.
:'''Joel''': Maybe we could play some poker.
:'''Gypsy''': Poker? What's poker?
:'''Magic Voice''': ''[as Joel and the Bots agree on the poker idea]'' You boys be nice to Gypsy.
. . .
:'''Joel''': ''[helping instruct Gypsy through the game, whispering]'' Gypsy, just tell 'em what you want to do and keep your poker face on.
:'''Gypsy''': [I'm] in!
:'''Crow''': Let's see, what to do...
:'''Gypsy''': ''[cheerfully]'' Richard Basehart! Richard Basehart!
:'''Crow''': ''[disgusted, after seeing Gypsy's hand]'' Oh, I fold!
:'''Joel''': ''[disappointed]'' Aw, Gypsy, you wrecked it; you had a great hand!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:''[Dr. Forrester and Frank argue over who gets to present their invention]''
:'''Dr. Forrester''': I've just about had enough [out] of you; smart boy.
:'''TV's Frank''': ''[defiantly, pulling out a switch-knife]'' Oh yeah?! I'm gonna cut you, man. I'm gonna cut ya! I'll carve you a second smile, daddy-o!
:'''Dr. Forrester''': I don't think so! ''[the argument starts devolving into conflicting screaming at each other]''
:'''Servo''': ''[up on the Satellite]'' What in the sam scratch is goin' on down there?
:'''Joel''': I dunno, but I don't like it; not one bit.

==== Aquatic Wizards (short) ====

:'''Announcer''': Where's the third fellow? He's ''chicken'' — never jumped at all.
:'''[[w:Crow T. Robot|Crow]] [as Announcer]''': What's this? He's forced his way into the announcer's booth. What's that in his hand? Oh no! Aah!
:''[Joel or Servo makes gunshot noises.]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Servo''': Forget about life-jackets, this is The 50's!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Servo''': ''[singing over footage of young women water-skiing]''
: ''Gee, I hope I'm skating pretty''
: ''Gee, I hope I get a boyfriend''
: ''Gee, I hope I don't get acne''
: ''I'm having so much fun now!''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Announcer''': This time, the Mexican jumping-bean will do a one-and-a-half spin on the ramp, landing backwards and completing the other half on water.
:'''Crow''': This time, the white fascist narrator will make a racial slur!
:'''Servo [as Anouncer]''': Ha, but what do I know? I'm only a fat hick announcer, mowing down pretzels and pinwheel cookies, and trying to come to grips with the tattered ends of a once promising life gone horribly wrong, God, God, why, why???....

==== Catching Trouble (short) ====

:''[Narrator Ted Husing describes animal catcher Ross Allen's current task.]''
:'''Ted Husing''': Well, this is a different assignment, and a true depiction of actually filling an order he recently received.
:'''[[w:Joel Robinson|Joel]] [as Ted Husing]''': [[Apocalypse Now|Kill Colonel Kurtz]]!
:'''Ted Husing''': It read: &quot;Want immediately one live bobcat, two cub black bears, and three six-foot diamondback rattlers.&quot;
:'''[[w:Crow T. Robot|Crow]] [as [[Groucho Marx]]]''': And two hard-boiled eggs.
:'''[[w:Tom Servo|Servo]] [as [[w:Harpo Marx|Harpo Marx]]]''': Honk!
:'''Crow [as Groucho Marx]''': Make that three hard-boiled eggs. {{hnote|Part of a wacky breakfast-ordering scene from the Marx Brothers film A Night at the Opera.}}

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Crow''': ''[imitating [[w:Emo Phillips|Emo Phillips]] after Joel points out how Ross's guide resembles him]'' I was wondering if we could go into the woods, and maybe we could see some am-i-nals.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Ross finds wild bobcat tracks and begins to follow the trail]''
:'''Joel''': ''[as Ross/[[w:Reg Presley|Reg Presley]]] [[w:Wild Thing (The Troggs song)|Wildcat, I think I love you]], but I wanna know for sure.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[A bobcat runs up a tree to escape Ross.]''
:'''Ted Husing''': Hey, Mister Cat, you can't do that! Don't you know you're wanted in Chicago?
:'''Servo [as Husing]''': For voting twice?
:'''Ted Husing''': Say, you made a mistake picking that tree. I'm afraid you're out of luck this time.
:'''[[w:Crow T. Robot|Crow]] [as Bobcat]''': Naaah, bite me! I will prevail! Mine is a noble race!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Ross finally catches and bags the bobcat.]''
:'''Ted Husing''': Well, it's in the bag! And so Ross Allen fills one third of his day's orders. What's next?
:'''[[w:Joel Robinson|Joel]]''': Hurting the people you know and love?
:'''[[w:Crow T. Robot|Crow]]''': Chasing rabbits on a mini-bike until their hearts explode?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Crow''': ''[watching Ross drag a bear cub forcibly out of a tree]'' Joel, do they really do this on Earth?
:'''Servo''': Isn't this wrong?
:'''Joel''': Yeah guys; I'm deeply ashamed of my race right now.
:'''Servo''': Deservedly so! [...] There's nothing like imposing your dominance over a bunch of helpless creatures, is there, Ross?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Ted Husing''': Now you've got a boatload of live cargo — a wildcat, three six-foot rattlers, and a couple of little teddy bears. It seems to me, I'd call it day, or call a taxi, or...
:'''[[w:Crow T. Robot|Crow]]''': ...or call [[w:People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals|PETA]]!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Ross is violently manhandling a bear cub]''
:'''Joel''': What I wouldn't give to see that cub's ''mom'' show up right about now, huh, guys?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Joel''': ''[as Ross in the ensuing host segment while a rubber rattlesnake is stuck inside a bag alongside a figure of Ross]'' Not the giant rattler! Please; I can't do that! He hates me; we went to camp together!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Servo''': ''[in closing during the ensuing host segment]'' If you enjoy catching trouble in any way, there's something wrong with you!
:'''Joel''': Any questions?

==== Teenage Caveman (movie) ====
:'''Narrator''': In the beginning, there was chaos...
:'''Servo [as Narrator]''': Run by [[w:Bernie Kopell|Bernie Kopell]].
:''[a flash of light appears]''
:'''Crow''': Oh, and then God showed up. 
:'''Narrator''': And a voice said, &quot;Let there be light.&quot;
:'''Joel''': Oh, this is a biblical chalk talk.  I've seen these. 
:'''Narrator''': And the dark was separated from the light. 
:'''Servo [as Narrator]''': And permanent press was separated from cottons.
:'''Narrator''': There was created, the waters and the land. 
:'''Crow [as Narrator]''': And [[w:Charlton Heston|Charlton Heston]]. ConTel.
:'''Narrator''': And they were made, the sun to rule the day, and the moon to rule the night, and the stars to give light in the darkness. The Earth was made to bear growing green things, and fruit.
:'''Servo''': Frogs.
:'''Joel''': Oh, this is ''[[w:Fantasia (1940 film)|Fantasia]]'' before they colorized it. 
:'''Narrator''': ''[lots of eyes begin appearing onscreen]'' The animals were created, and they were fruitful, and multiplied. 
:'''Crow''': They all look like [[w:Little Orphan Annie|Orphan Annie]].
:'''Narrator''': And then there came... man.
:'''Crow [as Narrator]''': To screw the whole thing up!
:'''Servo and Joel''': Hey!
:'''Crow''': Well, what about [[w:Ross Allen (herpetologist)|Ross]]?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[A desolate prehistoric valley is shown.]''
:'''[[w:Crow T. Robot|Crow]]''': [[w:How Green Was My Valley|How green was my valley?]]
:'''[[w:Joel Robinson|Joel]]''': Not very.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The Symbol Maker's teenage son ([[w:Robert Vaughn|Robert Vaughn]]) argues with his father over their choice in hunting grounds]''
:'''Symbol Maker's Son''': Why do we hunt in a place where there are dead trees and only a few animals to give to the fire, when there's plenty '''''there'''''? ''[footage of a field and lake with a swimming brontosaurus is shown]''
:'''Crow''': Why am I thinking about gas stations?
:'''Symbol Maker''': [Land like that] promises a lot, but gives only a place to die.
:'''Servo''': Oh, like Hollywood!
:'''Symbol Maker''': There are shadows there deep and cold and dirt that eats men.
:'''Crow''': ''[as Symbol Maker]'' And kids that eat paste!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;&gt;
:'''Joel''': This script is like a telephone directory!
:'''Crow''': But not as interesting.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Crow''': ''[of the Symbol Maker's son early on]'' [[Rebel Without a Cause|Caveman Without a Cause]]!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[the Symbol Maker's son is talking with a Blonde Maiden (played by Darah Marshall) about setting out on his own]''
:'''Symbol Maker's Son''': ...So I wonder- how many strange things there are, beyond the river. Even beyond the Green Place.
:'''Joel''': ''[as Blonde Maiden]'' He's been to Paradise, but he's ''never'' been to '''me'''.
:'''Blonde Maiden''': If you break the Law again, the people will give you death!
:'''Servo''': ''[as Symbol Maker's Son]'' [[w:Give me liberty or give me death!|I prefer liberty]].

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[a pack of hunters led by the Symbol Maker and his son have killed the fabled monster that lurks through the lands, and discover its true identity]''
:'''Crow''': ''[the monster's mask is lifted, revealing an old man]'' Whoa; he's looked better.
:'''Servo''': [[w:Beach Dickerson|Beach Dickerson]]!
:'''Symbol Maker's Son''': A man- a different kind of man. One came from the mountains and some were here.
:'''Joel''': He's been in the mountains for too long, dressed up in a goofy costume.
:''[The Symbol Maker's son removes something from the monster's corpse, finding a photobook of sorts]''
:'''Servo''': Wait; what's this? It's a vintage contemporary!
:'''Symbol Maker''': ''[as the pack looks through the photographs inside with confusion and awe]'' I have no memory of these [symbols] in my mind, and these were made in a way unknown to me.
:'''Servo''': Yeah; the photo map.
:'''Symbol Maker's Son''': ''[stopping at a page regarding atomic warfare]'' Someday these must be known. It is a thing of wonder.
:'''Crow''': Yeah; I ''wonder'' when the film's '''''gonna end'''''.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[narration from the man who was the proclaimed &quot;Monster That Gives Death With Its Touch&quot; begins as the film concludes]''
:'''Narrator''': ''I and a party of 23 others were on a scientific expedition when the bombs began to fall.''
:'''Servo''': Oh, message- message coming in! I bet it's from Beach Dickerson.
:'''Narrator''': ''Its raw power was unleashed all over the world; retaliation added to retaliation until all traces of man's had been wiped from the face of the Earth. Some that survived the blast grew huge beyond all reason and formed as the dinosaurs of prehistory. Or some took on new forms altogether- mad in shape and purpose.''
:'''Crow''': They became stock footage!
:'''Narrator''': ''My comrades and I- half-protected by our radiation suits- found ourselves given an age far beyond the span allowed. Out of all the sprawling millions of the Earth, a handful escaped all harm through either fortune or design. After the nuclear holocaust, the wisest of them set out a long list of tablets. The laws are in the form of a religion now; it's strange to see them living the lives of [[w:Cro-Magnon|Cro-Magnon man]]...''
:'''Servo''': [[Magnum, P.I.|Cro-Magnon P.I.]]!
:'''Narrator''': ''On occasion we tried to contact them, but they feared us; and our radiation killed those who came too close. And now... only I'm left, and the radiation has worn away these long, long years...''
:'''Joel''': So you know it's okay.
:'''Narrator''': ''[over a shot of the Symbol Maker's son]'' ''...Now a new one thinks and wonders about the truth of the law- a man who will dare to try again. I am very lonely...''
:'''Crow''': ''[as man]'' In fact, I'm ''dead''!
:'''Servo''': ''Dead'' tired.
:'''Narrator''': ''This happened a long time ago, and as you know men did meet other men and fire smelted metal and made explosives. The wheel turned machines and made gun barrels; the towers were built and flattened. How many times will it happen again, and if it does... will any at all survive the next time?''
:'''Servo''': Doubtful.
:'''Narrator''': ''Or will it be...'' '''''THE END'''''?

=== [[w:Gamera vs. Zigra|Gamera vs. Zigra]] ===

==== Gamera vs. Zigra (movie) ====

=== [[w:The Saga of the Viking Women and Their Voyage to the Waters of the Great Sea Serpent|The Saga of the Viking Women and Their Voyage to the Waters of the Great Sea Serpent]] ===
:'''Joel''': ''[singing]'' W is for the many ways that you're served
:'''Crow''': ''[singing]'' A is for the admiration you deserve
:'''Gypsy''': ''[singing]'' F because you're fluffy, you're flaky, you're fun!
:'''Servo''': ''[singing]'' And F is for the flavor that is second to none!
:'''Joel''':  ''[singing]'' L is for how light you are, you melt in my mouth!
:'''Joe, Servo, Crow, and Gypsy''': ''[singing]'' E is for eggs--Oh Baby!
:'''Tom''': Triple time!
:'''Joel, Servo, Crow, and Gypsy''': ''[singing]'' Put 'em all together with a how-do-ya-do, Lovely waffles we love--
:'''Gypsy''': Send me up another please!
:'''Joel, Servo, Crow, and Gypsy''': ''[singing]'' Oh, waffles we love--
:'''Servo''': Top mine off with runny cheese!
:'''Joel, Servo, Crow, and Gypsy''': ''[singing]'' Waffles we love--
:'''Crow''': Chili waffles suit me fine!
:'''Joel, Servo, Crow, and Gypsy''': ''[singing]'' Waffles we love--
:'''Joel''': Wash me down with Aunt Jemima?
:'''Joel, Servo, Crow, and Gypsy''': ''[singing]'' Waaaaaaaffffles,  we love yoooooooooououuuu!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Joel walks in carrying a plate of waffles; with only one thing to say]''
:'''Joel''': ...Waffles. ''[Movie Sign blares]'' Oh; we've got Movie Sign!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Servo''': Boy, I'm full; I ate too much! I'm starting to think the world would be a better place ''without'' waffles.
:'''Crow''': ''[appears dressed in a waffle costume]'' [[w:A Case of Spring Fever|No waffles]]?
:'''Servo''': Ah, who are you?
:'''Crow''': Why I'm Willie the Waffle; the wonderful, whimsical wisecracking waffle! Can I ask you one thing?
:'''Servo''': Sure.
:'''Crow''': ''[suddenly shouting]'' Who the hell are you to decide who lives and who dies?! Did you know that the nation's brunch industry employs over 500,000 people? Most of 'em named Chad?
:'''Joel''': ''[as &quot;Chad&quot;]'' Hi, welcome to Jojo's Waffle Berries. Our special today is waffles in game sauce. We also have-
:'''Crow''': ''[as Willie]'' Sorry, Chad; we're gonna have to lay you off. No waffles! ''[makes whistling noise]'' Little League baseball would also be impossible without waffles!
:'''Joel''': ''[as young boy]'' Mom, Little League practice is in an hour! Can I have some waffles?
:'''Crow''': ''[as Willie/Mom]'' Sorry, son; no waffles! ''[makes whistling noise]''

==== The Home Economics Story (short) ====

:''[An opening card states &quot;This is an Iowa State College Production.&quot;]''
:'''Joel''': Iowa State College: The high school ''after'' high school!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Servo [singing]''': ''If I could join the FFA, my life would be complete, I'd till the soil, I'd bale some hay...''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[High school girls attend an assembly. Someone, possibly the principal introduces the speaker in silence.]''
:'''Joel [as Principal]''': ''Your Period and Mine: A Lecture.''
:'''Crow [as Principal]''': Hello. Am I on? Is this thing on? You wanna look at that, Helen?
:''[A matronly woman steps up to the podium on stage.]''
:'''Matronly Woman''': Today, I'd like to tell you about several girls I know ''very'' well.
:'''Servo [as Matronly Woman]''': ...and why I'm being fired.
:''[The camera moves to a close-up, showing the woman has significant jowls.]''
:'''Crow [as Matronly Woman]''': I took several heavy blows to the cheeks with a lead pipe!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Kay is discussing college with her family.]''
:'''Servo''': She consulted Robert McNamara.
:'''Joel''': And Ayn Rand!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[As Kay sends her application letter.]''
:'''Narrator''': She got a real thrill out of dropping that letter in the box.
:'''Crow''': (chuckles maniacly)
:'''Joel''': Be cool! Be cool! Come on! Be cool! Just... Oh, that's good! Now let's get out of here.
:''[In the next scene, Kay gets her acceptance letter.]''
:'''Servo [as Kay]''': It's here already! Oh, shoot! I mailed it to myself!
:'''Joel''': It's from Ed McMahon! It says I may already be a winner!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Kay meets her roommate Jean for the first time.]''
:'''Crow [as Jean]''': ''[in a [[w:Curly Howard|Curly Howard]] voice] Hi!'' Howya ''doin'?'' We're gonna have a ''great'' time! We're gonna be ''pals''!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[At a costume design class]''
:'''Crow''': [[w:Camarillo_Brillo|Is that a real poncho or a Sears poncho?]]

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[A football game is starting.]''
:'''Servo''': Hey, look! It's the Woodstock of the 50s! Vic Damone's on next.
:'''Joel [as audience member]''': Play &quot;Whipping Post&quot;!
:''[A band leader with a fuzzy hat is marching forward.]''
:'''Crow''': ''[in marching cadence]'' I'm a [[w:Cotton swab|Q-tip]], what are you!
:''[During the game, two cheerleaders gesture downward with with pom-poms.]''
:'''Joel, Crow, Servo [as Cheerleaders]''': Look, look, look at my crotch. Look, look look at my crotch. Loooook at my crotch. Yay!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Kay and her college roommates are having their usual gab session. Nearby, a lamp with Kay's name on the lampshade is seen.]''
:'''Servo''': Hats off to Ray, the whimsical lampshade.
:'''Narrator''': ...but then Kay came up with that all-important question.
:'''Joel [as Kay]''': How do Pop-Tarts work?
:'''Kay''': What are you doing to major in, Helen?
:. . .
:'''Louise''': What are you going to take, Jean?
:'''Joel [as Jean]''': I'm going to take Bob for everything he's got!
:. . .
:'''Kay''': You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to teach.
:'''Joel [as Kay]''': Because I can't do.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[One of the four young women plays with little kids, in preparation for motherhood]''
:'''Joel [as little girl]''': ...WHAT? We have to be subjugated to men?!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Near the end of the piece, shot of a building named &quot;Home Economics&quot;.]''
:'''Joel [as announcer]''' ''Home Economics'', starring Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.
:'''Voice Over''': What is &quot;Home Economics&quot;?
:'''Crow''': Boy, you'd think they would have told us by now...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[As the girls, now seniors, walk along.]''
:'''Joel''': Hey, it's [[w:Abbey_Road|Abbey Road]].
:'''Joel, Crow, Servo [singing]''': [[w:The_Monkees_(TV_series)|''Here we come, walking down the street...'']]

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Servo [singing]''': ''It's a wonderful world when you're married, when you have a family...''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[As the short ends, it's just after the girls graduated.]''
:'''Narrator''': Jean and Louise were leaving for their jobs in the city, so you all drove down to the train station to see them all.
:'''Servo''': And to re-enact the last scene from ''[[w:Anna Karenina|Anna Karenina]]''.

==== The Saga of the Viking Women and their Voyage to the Waters of the Great Sea Serpent (movie) ====

=== [[w:Star wolf (TV series)|Star Force: Fugitive Alien II]] ===

:'''Joel''': TOM SERVO! OH MY GOD! TOM SERVO'S DEAD! He's dying! It must've been that movie! Oh man! We're losing him!
:'''Crow [imitating William Shatner]''': A robot watches a bad film, It renders him unconscious, Next on Emergency 911-- ''[gets slapped in the beak]''
:'''Joel''': Crow! You gotta snap outta Shatner and help me! It means the life of our friend, Tom Servo!
:'''Crow [on Shatner mode]''': But I must finish Tek-Wars of Venusia... must direct Star Trek 9: The Search For Spock's Intelligence! ''[breaking character]'' [[w:T.J. Hooker|Hooker's a good cop]]! Whoa! He's a good-- ''[gets slapped in the beak again]''
:'''Joel''': Crow, you listen to me and you listen good, I need you to snap out of Shatner. I need you here, now, our friend's life hangs in the balance!
:'''Crow''': ''[sobs]''  I'm sorry Joel, I didn't know... 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Servo''': New from the Star Force line of action figures, it's Captain Joe, the boozy, brawling, bloated ''Bacchus III'' commander from the beloved ''Fugitive Alien'' series!
:'''Crow''': Dizzy Gillespie cheeks sold separately. 
:'''Servo''': Yes, he swaggers, he staggers, and he even talks!
:'''Joel [as drunk Joe]''': Uh, a fellow would do a lot worse than throwing with the lot of ''Bacchus 3''. Set 'em up, barkeep. 
:'''Crow''': Flask and travel bar not included. 
:'''Servo''': Yes, with your Captain Joe action figure, you'll be in a constant state of excitement while he's in a state of denial. 
:'''Joel [as drunk Joe]''': Uh... I only drink on the weekend... I can drink!
:'''Crow''' Existential void where prohibited. 
:'''Servo''': Sure, he's got a problem, but you don't have to watch him deteriorate! After all, you spent $9.95 for him. 
:'''Crow''': Tax and license not included. 
:'''Servo''': You can have hours of fun as you organize a crisis intervention for Captain Joe.
:'''Joel [as [[w:Ken (doll)|Ken]]]''': Captain Joe, I am not gonna sit here and watch you deteriorate!
:'''Joel [as [[w:Barbie|Barbie]]]''': Captain Joe, when Ken and I had you over to eat, you got drunk on cooking sherry, and made a pass at me, and threw up all over the Malibu Dream House!
:'''Joel [as [[w:Donatello (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)|Donatello]]]''': Captain Joe, dude, I loved you, but I'm not gonna sit here and watch you cowa-bungle your life. 
:'''Servo''': And don't forget, kids, if Captain Joe refuses to deal with the issues, you can always...
:'''Joel, Crow, and Servo''': ''[singing]'' Try to kill him with a forklift!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Gypsy''': Well, that was fun, but if I could get a little serious for a moment. Well, I was wondering where we'd be without our boys and girls in shiny red pleather. It makes me proud to know that they're out there, somewhere... :''[singing]'' What can you see, Flying some mystic seas, Fighting for you and me, Captain Joe and the Gang When they pass by, Fitter than pumpkin pie, Steppin' in liquid dye, Time in the blue,

==== Star Force: Fugitive Alien II (movie) ====

:''[as the title appears]''
:'''Servo''': Uh oh, ''Fugitive Alien II: [[w:Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo|Electric Boogaloo]], [[w:Exorcist II: The Heretic|the Heretic]], [[w:Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise|Nerds in Paradise]], [[w:Mannequin Two: On the Move|On the Move]], [[w:Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol|Citizens on Patrol]]''!
:'''Joel''' Star Force times two! Two times the action, two times the confusion!
:'''Servo''': Baboom!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Servo''': Hey, this music is perky. I'm feeling ''really'' good!
:'''Crow''': Yeah! Hey, this is gonna be fun guys! I'm feeling really- oh who are we kidding, this is a ''Fugitive Alien'' sequel, we're in for the two most ''painful'' hours of our lives! ''[Servo begins crying]''
:'''Joel''': Come on, you guys, we gotta be strong. Try not to fall apart. Come on, we've been through too many Sandy Frank films to let him defeat us now. 
:'''Narrator''': A thousand light years away from our solar system lies Valna Star...
:'''Servo''': ''[crying]'' We know...
:'''Narrator''': ... a mysterious planet with an enriched atmosphere which in part...
:'''Crow''': Seen it!
:'''Servo''': Taped it! ''[cries more]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[In flashbacks to &quot;Fugitive Alien&quot;, the scene jumps abruptly from Rita's death to Ken eagerly waving for pickup by the Bacchus III.]''
:'''Ken''': Hey! Hey! Hey!
:'''[[w:Joel Robinson|Joel]] [as Ken]''': Ha ha! My chick's dead! Hey!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Narrator''': Only one memory of Rita remains: her golden Valnor medallion...
:'''Servo [as Narrator]''': Which Ken hocked for a pack of cigarettes. 
:'''Narrator''': Ken will never forget her. 
:'''Joel [as Narrator]''': Or the Visa bill she ran up, huh?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Captain Joe''': Rocky. 
:'''Crow''': [[w:Rocky the Flying Squirrel|Again?]]
:'''Captain Joe''': Rocky!
:'''Crow''': ''Again?!''
:'''Servo''': That's good, Crow.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Colonel Yurulin''': Listen to me! I've got something important to tell you!
:'''Joel [as Yurulin]''': I'm the [[w:Margaret Brown|Unsinkable Molly Brown]]!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Joel and Crow shout in horror as Tom explodes in the theater]''
:'''Crow''': IT'S ALL OVER THE SEAT!!!
:'''Joel''': Gotta get him outta here! Come on, Crow!
''[They rush out of the theater]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Servo''': ''[singing to the film's score]'' Weee're headed for adventure! We'll leave Tammy behiiind. Weee're gonna pad out the film some more, and you'll fall asleeep- three four- Weee're climbing the sandy hill, like you really caaare...
:'''Joel''': ''[starting to get annoyed]'' That's good... that's plenty. 
:'''Servo''': Sorry. 

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Captain Joe''': ''[waking up after being incapacitated by Rocky]'' I'll kill that Rocky. 
:'''Crow''': Again?
:'''Servo''': Oh-hooo, hit him. 
:...
:'''Captain Joe''': ''[calling Rocky]'' Rocky, can you read me?
:'''Crow''': Again?
:'''Joel''': ... stop it. 
:'''Captain Joe''': Rocky!
:'''Crow''': ''AGAIN?''
:'''Joel''': ''[snapping]'' STOP IT!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[In a desert, The Bacchus III crew walk past foliage that resembles stalks of corn.]''
:'''Crow [as one of the crew]''': Hey, corn... HEY CORN?!?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The Bacchus III crew, wearing enemy uniforms, are about to infiltrate a secret-weapon installation.]''
:'''Rocky''': It won't be easy getting into this place.
:'''Ken''':	How will we do it?
:'''Rocky''': Easy.
:'''[[w:Tom Servo|Servo]]''': Wha— wait a minute.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Ken engages Lord Halkon, leader of the Wolf Raiders, in an aerial dogfight.]''
:'''Joel''': Where have I seen this before?
:'''Servo''': Oh, I don't know; [[w:Star Wars (film)|a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away]]?
:'''Crow''': Yeah...
:'''Joel''': Yep.

=== [[w:War of the Colossal Beast|War of the Colossal Beast]] ===

:''[Joel steps in as Crow and Servo are arguing about whether Mr. B Natural was a man or a woman]''
:'''Joel''': Hey hey hey, you guys, take it easy.  You're never gonna get anywhere that way; let's just get organized.  I'll give you both two minutes to state your case, and then time for a short rebuttal...  Okay?
:'''Crow, Servo''': Okay.
:'''Joel''': All right.  Now, standard debate rules, I will act as arbiter...  On my mark, begin, Mr. Crow!
:'''Crow''': Mr. B Natural was a woman.  Of this there can be no doubt.
:'''Servo''': ''[leaning in]'' Not a chance, fat bot!
:'''Crow''': Hey, c'mon...
:'''Joel''': ''[pushes Servo back]''  Hey hey hey!  That's one penalty point for Mr. Servo; Mr. Crow, begin again!
:'''Crow''': Thank you, commissioner.  ''[clears throat]''  We are compelled to look on the &quot;mister&quot; moniker as merely a whimsical, contrived characterization in the spirit of Peter Pan, played convincingly by the late Mary Martin.  And the late Cathy Rigby.  And the late Sandy Duncan.  And the late...
:'''Joel''': Get to the point, Mr. Robot!
:'''Crow''': The point, sir, is: Breasts.
:'''Servo''': D'... Huh?
:'''Crow''': Yes!  Mr. B Natural had breasts -- a decidedly ''un''-natural thing for a man to have, don't you think, Mr. Servo?
:''[Servo laughs nervously]''
:'''Crow''':  When one takes into account the short jacket, the shiny leotard, the wide hips, unless one is wildly confused as my colleague seems to be, one concludes -- naturally -- that Mr. B Natural is indeed a wonderful, spritely -- albeit annoying -- woman.
:'''Joel''': Thank you, Mr. T. Robot.  Your response, Mr. Servo!
:'''Servo''': ''[parody of a posh Ivy League accent]''  Uh, thank you, Mr. Utley.  Um, uh...  Ignoring the aromatic contumely held to me by my less than erudite confrère, um, no doubt places a thin veil before a tribulus(?) temperament... uh...
:'''Joel''': ''[interrupting]'' Mr. Servo, I'm warning you: No [[w:William_F._Buckley_Jr.|William F. Buckley]] impersonations under threat of a point reduction!
:'''Servo''': ''[normal voice]''  Okay, sorry.  ''[clears throat]''  Mr. B Natural!  What a guy!  Yes, Mr. B Natural is a decidedly modern man.  Ignoring the constrictions placed upon him by modern society, Mr. B Natural dresses as he does just as he sees fit.  If this means dressing in a shimmering leotard and a powder blue note-spangled jacket, and climbing through the windows of young troubled middle-schoolers to play clarinet with them 'til the wee hours, waking them the next day to whisper in their tender ears, I say more power to him!
:'''Joel''': Mr. Servo, you're evading the question!
:'''Servo''':  If by this, sir, you mean that Mr. B Natural is a man, I challenge you to come up with any condemning evidence to the contrary!  They named him Mister, and I for one have faith that they knew what they were doing.  You might as well just ask me to prove that a fish is a fish!  Gentlemen, it just is!  As for these phantom &quot;breasts&quot; Mr. Robot claims to have seen, I say phooey-kaflooey.  Perhaps he's been in space too long.  Gentlemen, Mr. B Natural is just that.  Here's wishing we could ''all'' be a little bit more like him.  I yield the floor.
:'''Joel''':  Mr. T. Bo-rot, you have twenty minutes to rebut.
:'''Crow''':  ''Mr. Servo, you have got to be kidding me!''  Let's assume for the moment that Mr. B Natural ''is'' a man.  My heavens, what a confusing message to send to little kids!  Already there's the painful feeling of isolation.  The horrible scarring acne!  And Mr. Servo here would have us place a cross-dressing man with a clarinet slap-dab in their bedrooms!  Why not men in Little Bo-Peep costumes with stinky cigars explaining the facts of life to our unsuspecting daughters?  I for one would not...
:'''Joel''': Mr. Servo, your rebuttal!
:'''Servo''':  Yes, yes, why not, Mr. Crow?  I don't think we should stop there!  Let's break down ''all'' the barriers!  Hairy men in Spartan costumes holding bake sales on shady boulevards.  Naked jock-strap wrestling!  Big wo--
:'''Joel''': ''[abruptly ending the debate]'' Uh, gentlemen, I have commercial sign; I'm sorry.

==== [[w:Mr. B Natural|Mr. B Natural]] (short) ====

:''[Confused about a name in the opening credits]''
:'''Joel''': What does &quot;A.S.C.&quot; mean?
:'''Servo''': &quot;A sick cookie&quot;.
:'''Joel''': Oh.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Joel, Servo, Crow''': ''[singing to the background music in the opening credits]'' 
:''Come on and buy some crap from us'' 
:''You know that you want to''
:''And the white race will salute you''
:''As you prance and gad about!''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[A large, [[w:bleacher|bleacher]]-like musical staff appears, and an unseen female voice speaks.]''
:'''Mr. B Natural''': Boy! Am I glad to see you!
:'''[[w:Crow T. Robot|Crow]]''': Well, it's not mutual!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. B Natural''': [[w:Yoda|Knew your father, I did!]]
:'''Joel''': Hey, leave my father out of this!
:'''Mr. B Natural''': And your grandmother! And don't be too sure I wasn't in the [[w:Garden of Eden|garden]] with [[w:Adam and Eve|Mr. and Mrs. Adam]]!
:'''Servo''': Yeah, you were the snake!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. B Natural''': The spirit of music's inside all of you.
:'''Crow''': No, I bathe.
:'''Mr. B Natural''': In you... (points to the right while Servo makes missile noises) In you... (points to the left while Servo makes missile noises) In all of you! (Points straightforward while Crow imitates a missile hitting and Joel acts like he's hit)

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[At the high school hallway, student Jim shows his new clarinet while Buzz watches.]''
:'''Joel [as Jim]''': Got it from the [[w:Franklin Mint|Franklin Mint]]!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Popular high school girl Jeannie approaches Buzz invitingly]''
:'''Jeanie''': Wanna come? We could dance!
:'''[[w:Crow T. Robot|Crow]] [as Buzz]''': Don't hit me!
:'''Buzz''': No thanks... well... I mean I've got a lot of reading to do. You know, that big history essay...
:'''Jeanie''': But that's not due for two weeks!
:'''Buzz''': I know Jeanie... but I...
:'''[[w:Tom Servo|Servo]] [as Buzz]''': ...[[w:John Hinckley, Jr.|I gotta finish my letter to Jodie Foster.]]

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''[[w:Joel Robinson|Joel]] [as Buzz]''': ''[in a whiny voice]'' That hurt. I'm all messed up inside. If only an [[w:androgynous|androgynous]] man would come and visit me...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Servo''': Meanwhile, the Midvale police visit his locker. Find out why they call him &quot;Buzz&quot;.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. B Natural''': Better wait 'til he calls on me, though... 'til he reaches for the ''spirit''!
:'''[[w:Tom Servo|Servo]]''': Yeah, calls for ''Satan''.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Returning home from school, a dejected Buzz fends off his mother's concern.]''
:'''Buzz''': Nah, I better get upstairs, and... do the reading.
:'''Buzz's Mother''': All right, dear. Oh, and Buzz...?
:'''Crow [as Buzz's Mother]''': ''This'' time, don't make so much noise when you &quot;read.&quot;

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Joel [as Buzz's Mother]''': Why does my kid have to be such a dud? ''I'' was popular!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. B Natural''': Whether you know it or not, you sent for me! When you reached down to grab that music, to make yourself feel better, you awakened the spirit of music inside ''you''! That's ''me'', B Natural!
:'''Servo''': ''[excited]'' So I'm attracted to ''guys'' now?
:''[Joel nudges Servo, shaking his head as if to say &quot;stop that!&quot;]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. B Natural''': You sing a baby a lullaby, and it coos.
:'''Crow [as [[w:Jerry Lewis|Jerry Lewis]]]''': The lull-a-baby-bye! Oh... go away!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Mr. B Natural is talking about joining the school band.]''
:'''Mr. B Natural''': And wait 'til you see the kicks you get out of it, Buzz.
:'''Servo''': Kicks!
:'''Mr. B Natural''': The glamour of the uniform...
:'''Servo''': Kicks!
:'''Mr. B Natural''': The thrill of traveling for a band competition...
:'''Servo''': The all-night coke jags in cheap motels!
:'''Mr. B Natural''': ...just like being in a football team, and best of all, Buzz, fun, fun, fun!
:'''Crow [as Buzz]''': Yeah, that's nice... '''MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. B Natural''': When you want to show dignity, Buzz, try a French horn!
:'''Joel''': Uh, Mr. B, what would ''you'' know about dignity?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Mr. B Natural cavorts before the lifesized musical staff as &quot;his&quot; instruments play together.]''
:'''Joel''': You know, I think [[w:Oscar Wilde|Oscar Wilde]] only ''wished'' he was this gay, you know?
:'''Servo''': Ladies and gentlemen, ''please'' accept our ''sincere'' apology for ''all'' of this. Please.
:'''Crow [as Buzz]''': Forget music, I wanna dance!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Mr. B dances to some music.]''
:'''Crow''': He's so perky... kill her.
:'''Servo''': See, Buzz? It's really fun to be psychotic.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Mr. B appears in the music store and begins talking.]''
:'''Joel [as Buzz]''': ''[in a panicky voice]'' Mom, Dad, tell me you heard that!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Crow''': ''[in a midwestern voice]'' Oh cripes. Polish, polish, polish. That's what I do all day.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[A shot of unpolished trumpets is shown to a background of low music.]''
:'''Joel''': [[w:Honey_West_(TV_series)|''Honey West!'']]

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Three trumpet shells are shown, with someone behind them.]''
:'''Joel''': Come on now, watch the red man. Watch for the red man, you're wrong.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[An inspector is checking a trumpet.]''
:'''Servo''': Extra value's what you get when you play the coronet.
:'''Crow''': This trumpet is flatlining!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Buzz is performing at a school dance]''
:'''Joel, Servo, Crow''': ''[singing to the music]'' We're really, really white, we're really, really, really, really white...
:. . .
:'''Joel''': Say, that guy's got a way with a ballad.
:. . .
:'''Crow [as radio host]''': Well, the old clock on the wall says that's all for the Stridex Medicated Band hour...
:. . .
:''[Mr. B Natural appears and gives the &quot;okay&quot; symbol.]''
:'''Joel''': [[Mystery Science Theater 3000#Pod People|It stinks]]!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Servo''': Ah, but in real life, Johnny is last chair with the preschool band.

==== War of the Colossal Beast (movie) ====

:''[Joyce Manning and others, looking for her giant brother Glenn, are in a Jeep rolling down a Mexican back-country road.]''
:'''[[w:Joel Robinson|Joel]], [[w:Crow T. Robot|Crow]], [[w:Tom Servo|Servo]] [as Car Occupants]''': ''[singing to &quot;[[w:99 Bottles of Beer|99 Bottles of Beer]]&quot;]''
:: [[One Hundred Years of Solitude|100 years of solitude]], 100 years of solitude!
:: Take one down, pass it around,
:: 99 years of solitude!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The searchers find a piece of a truck with a giant fingerprint.]''
:'''Joyce Manning''': Could this be Glen's?
:'''Servo''': No, no, the [[w:Fingerprint#Classifying|whorl pattern]] is completely wrong.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Sheriff''': ''[upon discovering a giant footprint]'' Whatever made this must have been sixty feet tall.
:'''Joyce''': ''Glen'' was sixty feet tall.
:'''Crow''': Think there's a connection?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[During a very long shot of people getting into a jeep, the jeep being started, put in reverse, turned around, and driven away]''
:'''Servo''': That's right, [[w:Bert I. Gordon|Bert]], spare us nothing.

=== [[w:The Unearthly|The Unearthly]] ===

==== Posture Pals (short) ====
:''[as the short begins, a logo for Avis Films appears.]''
:'''Joel''': Avis Films, we try harder.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Servo''': [[w:Dragnet|The story you're about to see is true. No names were changed because no one was innocent.]]

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[the short begins with a silhouette on screen]''
:'''Joel''': My name's Sally, I'm a snackoholic.
:'''Crow, Servo''': Hi, Sally.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[over a shot of the four kids]''
:'''Narrator''': And these four children are especially important about the four things.
:'''Joel''': 'Cause they're on the payroll.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[talking about the posture contest]''
:'''Narrator''': The two boys and the two girls with the best postures will wear these posture crowns.
:'''Joel''': Yeah, they'll go to Burger King and get crappy hats.
:'''Narrator''': Tommy, Jimmy, Jane, and Mary are very interested in this announcement.
:'''Servo''': Hey, who wouldn't be?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[as the kids look at their posture drawings]''
:'''Joel''': That's when the kids came up with a plan to blackmail Mrs. Reedy.
:'''Narrator''': But they are not happy with what they see.
:'''Servo''': They're disgusted and filled with self-loathing!
:'''Narrator''': For Tommy is indeed surprised...
:'''Crow [as Tommy]''': No! No! No! Uh-uh! Uh-uh! No! Uh-uh!
:'''Narrator''': ...his chest looked flat because his tummy looked so round.
:'''Joel''': He's got VPL.
:'''Servo''': Hey, and let me tell ya... JOEL!
:'''Narrator''': Now Jimmy is disturbed to see...
:'''Crow [as Jimmy]''': Nuh-uh! No! Nothing doing! That ain't gonna work! It's not flying with me, Pops!
:'''Narrator''': He's leaning backward out of balance, just like a house about to fall.
:'''Servo [as Narrator]''': Just like his dad on Friday night!
:'''Narrator''': And what gives Jane her worried frown?
:'''Joel''': Valium?
:'''Narrator''': Look at the board. It's plain to see that Jane must practice standing straight to grow up like a lovely tree.
:'''Servo''': All of a sudden, it's iambic pentameter here.
:'''Narrator''': Our Mary is a happy girl...
:'''Servo''': ''(imitates repeated burping)''
:'''Narrator''': ...with hollowed chest and tired head.
:'''Crow''': She should jut go home to bed. ''Green Eggs and Ham''.
:'''Servo''': Thank you, Sam-I-Am.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Teacher Miss Martin demonstrates good posture by walking slowly and stately.]''
:'''Narrator''': ...eyes are straight, the abdomen is in, the back is straight. Arms swing easily at the sides.
:'''[[w:Tom Servo|Servo]] [as Narrator]''': Here, she re-enacts her first [[w:Driving under the influence|DUI]].

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[One of the girls is in her room, practicing her posture, when she notices her clown doll Bombo slumping on the dresser.]''
:'''Narrator''': Doesn't Bombo look tired?
:'''Crow''': Yes, very much so.
:''[The girl makes the doll sit upright.]''
:'''Joel [as Bombo]''': No, no, no, no! MY SPINE! AAAUUUGGGHHH!!! 
:''[Servo makes broken spine noises]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[A montage of scenes show the posture-pal kids correcting each other's posture.]''
:'''[[w:Joel Robinson|Joel]]''': Ah, they're gonna take this for about a half-hour before they end up killing each other.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Tommy and Jimmy are writing at a blackboard; Jimmy draws a crude image of a house leaning to one side]''
:'''Narrator''': Tommy reminds Jimmy&amp;mdash;
:'''Joel''': Hmm-hmm-hmm, that's you!
:'''Narrator''': &amp;mdash;when Jimmy stands off-balance.
:'''Crow [as Narrator]''': Tears of shame pour down Tommy's face.
:'''Joel [as Jimmy]''': Ms. Martin! Tommy drew a bong!
:'''Tom''': Heh-heh... what?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Narrator''': At last, the big day has come. The class is taking their second posture test.
:''[A silhouette appears on screen]''
:'''Crow''': Hey, it's [[w: Alfred Hitchcock|Hitchcock]]!
:'''Tom''': Yeah, after [[w:Slim Fast|Slim-Fast]]!
:''[All sing the [[w:Alfred Hitchcock Presents|Alfred Hitchcock Presents]] theme]''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Narrator''': Miss Martin is counting votes to see who will be the king, queen, prince and princess of posture.
:'''Joel''': And who will have a Sealy Posturepedic childhood.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Mary is voted posture queen]''
:'''Crow''': FIX! IT'S A RIG! FIX!
:''[Miss Martin draws a crown over Mary's pose]''
:'''Servo''': Then Mary's head is lit on fire!
:'''Narrator''': And the other three children win the other posture crowns.
:'''Servo''': Definitely a fix.
:'''Narrator''': Don't you agree that these four children deserve to win after trying so hard to improve their postures?
:'''Joel, Crow, Servo''': '''NO!'''
:. . .
:'''Crow''': Their chances of ever being cool are ruined for life.

==== Appreciating Our Parents (short) ====

:''[Little Tommy examines his neatened room. He looks in his closet.]''
:'''Narrator''': Yesterday, Tommy tore the sleeve of his favorite cowboy shirt...
:'''[[w:Tom Servo|Servo]] [as Narrator]''': ...in a prison break.
:'''Narrator''': ...and now, it's mended as good as new.
:'''[[w:Joel Robinson|Joel]] [as Narrator]''': Tommy's the [[w:The Lathe of Heaven|Lathe of Heaven]].

==== The Unearthly (movie) ====

:''[The camera focuses on Dr. Conway (lantern-jawed [[w:John Carradine|John Carradine]]) as he reassures new patient Grace.]''
:'''[[w:Joel Robinson|Joel]]''': Hey, John — why the long face, pal?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Stress patient Natalie enters Dr. Conway's office for an appointment.]''
:'''Sharon''': Sit down, Natalie, and I'll tell him you're here.
:''[Dr. Gilchrist turns to enter Dr. Conway's inner office.]''
:'''[[w:Crow T. Robot|Crow]] [as Sharon]''': NUTCASE NATALIE'S HERE!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[During Dr. Conway's mournful after-dinner organ performance, Mark gets up to check on Natalie.]''
:'''Sharon''': Don't you enjoy the doctor's music?
:'''Crow [as Mark]''': Yeah, that's why I'm leavin'.
: . . .
:''[Conway's piece enters a repetitive passage.]''
:'''Crow [as Conway]''': I'm sorry, I can't think of the ending!
:'''[[w:Tom Servo|Servo]] [as Groucho]''': [[Groucho Marx#cant-finish|I can't think of anything else!]]

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Lobo enters the room full of Dr. Conway's guests.]''
:'''Lobo''': Time for go to bed!
:'''Joel''': Well said.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Danny is telling a long, shaggy-dog story about a giant and Ferdinand the bull to keep Dr. Conway's dim-witted servant Lobo occupied.]''
:'''Joel''': His story has a better plot than this ''movie''...

=== [[w:Santa Claus Conquers the Martians|Santa Claus Conquers the Martians]] ===

[On The Satellite of Love]

:'''Crow''': Okay, now if you all look at your sheet music, we can rehearse my new song.
:'''Joel Robinson''': You wrote a Christmas song?
:'''Crow''': Hey, there's no tradition like a new tradition!
:'''Tom Servo''': Wait a minute, &quot;(Let's Have) A [[w:Patrick Swayze|Patrick Swayze]] Christmas&quot;?
:'''Crow''': Uh, yeah, yeah. Based on my favorite movie, [[Road House]].
:'''Servo''': C'mon, what the heck does Patrick Swayze have to do with Christmas?
:'''Crow''': Hey, you keep Christmas in your way and let me keep it in mine, okay?
:'''Joel''': C'mon, Servo. It seems like a nice enough sentiment. We can give it a shot. C'mon.
:'''Crow''': All right, all right. Okay: 12/8 time, key of A-flat major... Cambot, shoot 'em the tune. Okay, you'll just have to stay with me, everybody, okay? You're parts are written out. &quot;(Let's Have) A Patrick Swayze Christmas&quot; by Crow T. Robot.
:'''Joel''': &quot;Paul, let's have a Patrick Swayze Christmas&quot;?
:'''Crow''': Right. Hit it, Cambot!

[music starts]

:'''Servo''': Oh. Oh, I start. I get it.

Lyrics
TOM
Open up your heart and let the
Patrick Swayze Christmas in

CROW
We'll gather at the Road House
With our next of kin

JOEL
And Santa can be
Our regular Saturday Night thing

ALL
We'll decorate a barstool
And gather 'round and sing

TOM
Oh
Let's have a Patrick Swayze
Christmas this year!

CROW
Or we'll tear your throat out
And kick you in the ear

:'''Joel''': Hold it, hold it a sec. Cambot, stop it.

:[music stops]

:'''Joel''': Uh, Crow, I don't know if I think this is an appropriate sentiment anymore for Christmas.
:'''Crow''': Hey, what? Like a good action sequence don't belong at Christmas?
:'''Joel''': Well, no, it's just that I've never heard of an action sequence in a Christmas carol before.
:'''Crow''': Well, then grab hold of your socks and read on, Joel Robinson!
'''Tom Servo''': Okay, pick it up from measure 20, Cambot.

:[music resumes]

:'''Tom Servo''': Lovely intro, though. Very tasteful.
:'''Crow''': Thank you.

TOM
It's my way or the highway
This Christmas at my bar

CROW
I'll have to smash your kneecaps if
You bastards touch my car

JOEL
I got the word that Santa has been
Stealing from the till

ALL
I think that that right jolly old elf
Better make out his will
Oh
Let's have a Patrick Swayze
Christmas one and all

And this can be the haziest...
This can be the laziest...
This can be the Swayziest
Christmas of them all!

TOM
La la la la la la
Ha ha!

:'''Crow''': How long before it becomes a standard?
:'''Joel''': I think you've gotta come with me. C'mon!

:[Joel drags Crow out]

:'''Tom Servo''': We'll be right back. Save a leg for me! Heh-heh-heh-heh.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Joel asks the Bots what they want for Christmas.]''
:'''[[w:Crow T. Robot|Crow]]''': I wanna decide who lives and who dies!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[In Deep 13, the Mads exchange gifts.]''
:'''[[w:Dr. Clayton Forrester|Dr. Forrester]]''': Ohhh, Frank! What a lovely watchband! This must have set you back a pretty penny!
:'''[[w:TV's Frank|TV's Frank]]''': Well, actually, I, eh… didn't have any money, so I… took the liberty of hocking your Rolex and… to pay for that, heh heh…
:'''Dr. Forrester''': You… hocked… my… Rolex.
:'''TV's Frank''': Yah…
:'''Dr. Forrester''': Well, it's the thought that counts. Open your gift.
:'''TV's Frank''': Oh, boy! I bet it's a book! I bet it's a book!
:'''Dr. Forrester''': Yes, it is a book, Frank. It's… it's called ''[[w:Final Exit|Final Exit]]''. I've been stealing your plasma at night so I didn't have to spend any of my own money.
:'''TV's Frank''': Heh heh. Oh, Henry! {{hnote|A twisted allusion to O. Henry's ''The Gift of the Magi'', about two good people who sell their own possessions to buy gifts to each other.}}

==== Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (movie) ====

:''[The film's opening credits display &quot;Martian Furniture by Fritz Hansen&quot;.]''
:'''Crow [as TV Announcer]''':For Martian Furniture, Fritz of Mars!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Martian leader Kimar scolds his children Girmar ([[w:Pia Zadora|Pia Zadora]]) and Bomar for watching &quot;silly Earth programs&quot;.]''
:'''Kimar''': Now, go to sleep!
:'''Girmar''': Must we go to sleep now, Father? I want to see Santa Claus some more.
:'''Bomar''': I want to see more toys!
:'''Kimar''': No, go to sleep!
:'''Crow [as Girmar/Zadora]''': Will you [[w:Pia Zadora#Film career|buy me a Golden Globe]], then?
:'''Servo [as Kimar/Riklis]''': Why, sure!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[The Martian spaceship (a model spewing a flickering flame) flies toward Earth.]''
:'''[[w:Joel Robinson|Joel]] [as Announcer]''': Cricket lighter away! Cricket lighter.
:'''Servo''': ''[in nerdy voice]'' You know… if they cancel ''[[w:Battlestar Galactica (1978 TV series)|Battlestar Galactica]]'', I'm gonna kill myself.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Santa and the kids are trapped in an airlock, with the door into space about to open.]''
:'''Crow [as Santa]''': ''[cheerfully]'' Have you two ever seen a grown man scream? Santa's going to whimper like a whipped pup.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Santa makes some toys, unaware that Volmar tampered with the machine.]''
:'''Bomar''': The doll has a teddy bear's head, and the teddy bear has a doll's head.
:'''Joel [as Santa]''': Don't worry, we'll give them to [[w:Dyslexia|dyslexic kids]].
:. . .
:'''Girmar''': Look, Santa! A baseball/tennis racquet!
:'''Santa''': Oh, this'll never do!
:'''Joel''': ''[as Santa]'' We'll have to sell this stuff to [[w:Wham-O|Wham-O]]!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Crow''': Santa Claus, killed in Vietnam.

=== [[w:The Master (American TV series)|Master Ninja I]] ===

==== Master Ninja I (movie) ====

:''[A policeman yells from his car window through a bullhorn in a heart-pounding, made-for-television car chase.]''
:'''Sheriff Kyle''': Pull over! This is the sheriff's office!
:'''Crow''': ''Office''?! That's a ''car''.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Holly Trumball ([[w:Demi Moore|Demi Moore]]) and Max Keller stroll flirtatiously toward Max's van.]''
:'''Holly''': You think you, um, could stick around? I might need you.
:'''Max''': I'm going off duty for the day.
:'''Holly''': Oh sure, a loner, I got the scene. Just reading the classified ads in the local motel until Dick Powell comes running down the television alley at midnight with a gun in his hand.
:'''Joel''': Uh, let [[w:Dennis Miller|Dennis Miller]] do Dennis Miller, Demi.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Mr. Trumball''': You got a warrant, sheriff?
:'''Servo [as Sheriff Kyle]''': Yeah, I got a made-for-tv warrant right here.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Crow''': I hear his theme music, he's around here somewhere...

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Master ninja McAlister and his evil ninja nemesis Okasa meet face-to-face.]''
:'''Okasa''': The old man hired you?
:'''McAlister''': I am not for hire.
:'''Okasa''': We are all for hire. In dark times...
:'''McAlister''': The dark times have gone.
:'''Servo''': You guys speaking in [[w:haiku|haiku]] all of a sudden??? Whoa!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Max and McAllister set off for adventure in Max's custom-painted van.]''
:'''Max''': Now for the fun part...riding with a ninja.
:'''Servo''': We'll be the judge of that.
:'''Crow [as TV announcer]''': Chevy Van: A [[w:Quinn Martin|Quinn Martin]] production.
:'''Max''': We're being followed!
:'''Servo [as McAllister]''': Of course we are! We're in an action-packed, made-for-tv movie!
:''[The van makes a sharp left.]''
:'''Crow [as McAllister]''': Quick! Take a turn here on [[w:Steven J. Cannell|Steven J. Cannell]] Boulevard!
:'''Max''': Don't tell me why they're following us. I like surprises.
:'''Crow''': Well, here's a surprise...you're already cancelled! {{hnote|Crow refers to the fact that '''Master Ninja''', rather than being a feature film, is actually two pasted-together episodes of a quickly-cancelled 1984 series called '''The Master'''.''}}
:. . .
:''[Max, driving his van, jumps over a hollow slope in the road in a suburban part of the town, flying over the camera in between tow separate camera angles.]''
:'''Joel, Crow, &amp; Servo''': TIMBER!
:''[Max makes another jump over another hollow slope, flying over the camera again.]''
:'''Joel, Crow, &amp; Servo''': TIMBERRRRRR!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Okasa has McAllister cornered, but McAllister uses a smoke bomb to make a stealthy exit.]''
:'''Joel''': Oh, ninjas never had those.
:'''Servo [as Okasa]''': Damn. He knows [[w:Doug Henning|Doug Henning]].
:'''Max''': You all right?
:'''Joel [as McAllister]''': I'm fine, but I'm out 20 bucks. Let's head back to the magic shop.

=== [[w:The Castle of Fu Manchu|The Castle of Fu Manchu]] ===

:'''TV's Frank''': ''[regarding how bad the movie this week is]'' Yeah; I thought the composting toilet had backed up- as it turns out, it's this week's experiment!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;

:'''Tom Servo''': ''(as Tom, Crow, and Joel are doing a sketch of trucker characters riding magic carpets and communicating via radio)'' Hurry up, men, I'm running out of hard candy. Condition red, send in the clowns... oh, what's the use?! ''(breaks into hysterical sobbing as Crow and Joel enter)''
:'''Crow''': Ah, man, Joel, he's totally off-script! There's nothing that says anything about sobbing like a broken man!
:'''Joel''': Yeah, you're right; let's see here... Tom says &quot;Time formation, men. These kids are all over me; argh&quot;. It just says &quot;Argh&quot;, there's nothing about sobbing pitifully.
:'''Servo''': ''(while still crying)'' I can't do it guys, I just can't do it! I can't go through another sketch loosely based off some vague reference in the movie! There are only a few kinds of fezes in this movie, then suddenly we're the Sahara Shriners riding flying carpets on Maxwell street days! Oh, why?!? Get me out of here!!
:'''Crow''': I don't understand; how is this sketch any different than anything else we do during the movie?
:'''Joel''': Well, I figure, Crow, it's not the sketch, it's this movie. I mean, look at him; he's just a broken man.
:'''Servo''': You're telling me! There's absolutely no psychological footholds in this movie! It's like trying to climb El Capitan! There's something wrong with me... there's something wrong with me!! Why? Why?!? ''(sobs uncontrollably)''
:'''Crow''': Better you than me!
:'''Joel''': Oh, Crow, c'mon... ''(addresses Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank in disgust)'' Look at what you've done to him! Do you see what you've done to this guy?! Come on!
:'''Dr. Forrester''': ''(watching the scene unfold in satisfaction alongside Frank)'' You see Frank, it feels good to be with the winners, doesn't it?

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Joel''': ''(after trying, and failing, to cheer the bots up with a sketch about the backstory of Fu Manchu; crying)'' Oh, what's the use?! Why am I up here? What are you doing to us?!
:'''Dr. Forrester''': ''(mockingly)'' '''[[The Wizard of Oz|Auntie Em, Auntie Em!]]'''

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dr. Forrester''': ''(gloating over their perceived victory in leaving Joel and the bots broken by the movie)'' Well, we should be expecting your surrender any moment now.
:'''Joel''': [[It's a Wonderful Life|You haven't won, Dr. Forrester; you've lost. And I feel sorry for you. You're nothing but a sad little man in a hole in the ground who can only feel power by hurting others.]] Well, we won because, we survived, and we survived because, well, we're Robinsons, roughly. That's what Robinsons do is survive, basically, and well, if you think it's so easy, well, YOU should try and watch a movie sometime!
:'''Dr. Forrester''': You're sounding like a [[w:Hallmark Cards, Inc.|Hallmark card]].
&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''TV's Frank''': ''(after Forrester and Frank attempt to riff on the movie themselves, only to quit after one scene)'' You know, we could've made funny comments, but the movie wasn't that good.
:'''Dr. Forrester''': ''(angrily)'' Frank!
:'''Joel, Crow, and Servo''': Gotcha!

==== The Castle of Fu Manchu (movie) ====

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Crow''': Staring contest on the left. Check it out.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fu Manchu''': ''This is Fu Manchu.''&lt;br&gt;
:'''Crow''' ['''As Fu Manchu''']: And you're ''not''.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fu Manchu''': In the tropical waters of the south Atlantic, my hand stretches out to turn water into ice...
:'''Crow''': Oh, he's a refrigerator. 
:'''Fu Manchu''': And thus, turn safety into the deadliest peril.
:'''Joel''': Kinda like a Corvair, huh?
:'''Fu Manchu''': In a few moments, the proof of my mastery will be complete.
:'''Servo [as Fu Manchu]''': But first, this word from Maxwell House.
:''[footage of the [[w:RMS Titanic|Titanic]] is shown]''
:'''Joel''': Oh, they stole this from a [[w:A Night to Remember (1958 film)|Titanic movie]]. Look.
:...
:''[the ship hits the iceberg]''
:'''Crow''': [[w:Lucille Ball|Lucy]] must be around here somewhere. [[w:I Love Lucy|&quot;Ahhh, Ricky, I hit an iceberg, ahhh!&quot;]]
:...
:'''Crow''': ''[as the passengers panic]'' [[w:Monty Python's Flying Circus|Women, children, spacemen, Indians, and sort of idealized representations of 16th-century Flemish merchants first.]]
:...
:''[as the ship continues to sink]''
:'''Crow''': And now, back to our Channel 9 movie, ''[[w:The Poseidon Adventure (1972 film)|The Poseidon Adventure]].
:'''Servo''': ''[in a gurgled voice]'' [[w:The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald|At quarter to twelve, a main hatchway gave in, they said &quot;Fellas, it's been good to know ya!&quot;]]
:...
:''[as the ship finishes sinking]''
:'''Servo''': ''[in a gurgled voice]'' [[w:The Morning After (Maureen McGovern song)|There's got to be a morning after...]] And there she goes! Yay!
:'''Crow''': Well, that made no sense.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Crow''': Castle of Fu Manchu; where you [[w:White Castle (restaurant)|eat square hamburgers]] with chopsticks!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Tom Servo''': ''[while singing along to the opening credits music as it drags on]'' '''I'm bored; I'm bored of these credits already~'''
:'''Crow''': C'mon, we can't keep making fun of the names. Get on with it!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Dr. Petrie''': Thank you, Curt. It was very kind of you to come. 
:'''Joel [as Kessler]''': Well, I didn't mean to, but the new seat covers-
:'''Servo''': Joel, no!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Fu Manchu''': This is Fu Manchu...
:'''Servo [as Fu Manchu]''': And I'm an alcoholic. 
:'''Joel''': Hi Fu.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[as Fu Manchu reveals an unconscious man he wants Dr. Kessler to operate on]''
:'''Dr. Kessler''': What's wrong with that man?
:'''Crow''': Nothing at all!
:'''Fu Manchu''': There is nothing wrong with him, doctor, he is in perfect physical condition.
:'''Servo''': I'll say. 
:'''Fu Manchu''': And unlike Professor Heracles, his heart is as sound as a bell. 
:'''Joel''': Bong!
:'''Fu Manchu''': Do you not agree, doctor, that Professor Heracles should have that splendid heart?
:'''Joel [as Kessler]'''  ''[flustered]'' Uh, if it comes with that beefy chest!
:'''Dr. Kessler''': But that man is not dead or dying!
:'''Crow''': [[w:The Princess Bride (film)|He's only ''mostly'' dead!]]
:'''Fu Manchu''': ... he will die, for the sake of science.
:'''Dr. Kessler''': And for your sake also. 
:'''Fu Manchu''': I need Heracles to complete my plans.  I need him alive, conscious, coherent. 
:'''Servo''': I wish this '''MOVIE''' WERE CONSCIOUS AND COHERENT!!!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:'''Crow''': What's the deal with Fu Manchu, anyway? It's not like he's really evil; he's just dull! He's like some twisted bureaucrat in silk jammies!

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
''(Fu Manchu sits down; the crew all make raspberry noises)''
:'''Servo''': Oh... King's on his throne.

=== [[w:The Master (American TV series)|Master Ninja II]] ===

==== Master Ninja II (movie) ====

:''[After Max tries and fails to flirt with a girl and she walks away]''
:'''McAlister''': I'm not used to seeing them walk away from you. 
:'''Servo''': Usually they run away screaming.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Blubbering, thickheaded pseudo-heartthrob Max (Timothy Van Patten) attempts to converse with spunky union organizer Carrie.]''
:'''Max''': I'm here. Are you?
:'''Carrie''': Yeah, I'm here. Oh Max, a long day.
:'''Max''': I hear ya. [''The camera lingers on Van Patten hopefully, as though awaiting a sharper quip. Nothing comes.'']
:'''Servo [as Carrie]''': You're a wry wit.

&lt;hr width=&quot;50%&quot;/&gt;
:''[Later, in Max's van, Carrie drones on and on while Max listens wearily.]''
:'''Joel''': You know you're boring when you're boring a Van Patten.</text>
      <sha1>bzinjgcw1tpp85w8018ohdw8l5v3l3t</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Gauntlet</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>307146</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3942564</id>
      <parentid>3940464</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-05-18T23:12:46Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>MTsocano</username>
        <id>3051402</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Killer Fish */</comment>
      <origin>3942564</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
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| bgcolor=#80FFFF | [[#Mac and Me|&lt;span title=&quot;Mac and Me&quot;&gt;01&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#80FFFF | [[#Atlantic Rim|&lt;span title=&quot;Atlantic Rim&quot;&gt;02&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#80FFFF | [[#Lords of the Deep|&lt;span title=&quot;Lords of the Deep&quot;&gt;03&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#80FFFF | [[#The Day Time Ended|&lt;span title=&quot;The Day Time Ended&quot;&gt;04&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#80FFFF | [[#Killer Fish|&lt;span title=&quot;Killer Fish&quot;&gt;05&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#80FFFF | [[#Ator, the Fighting Eagle|&lt;span title=&quot;Ator, the Fighting Eagle&quot;&gt;06&lt;/span&gt;]]
|}

=== [[w:Mac and Me|Mac and Me]] ===

:'''Kinga''': From now on, we're dumbing things down. 
:'''Max''': Yeah. Once people are dumb, they'll pay us to make them smart with our invention exchange, a new pharmaceutical we call, Algernon!
:'''Jonah''': I don't know. Anything that has to do with messing with your brain chemistry can't be very safe. 
:'''Kinga''': Relax, ex-fiancé! No one can sue us if we mention all the terrible stuff our drug ''could'' do to you in the advertisement. ''Algernon...''
:'''Synthia''': Hi, I'm Synthia. As a clone I lacked basic intelligence, but that changed when I started taking Algernon.
:'''Kinga''': ''Algernon... ''
:'''Synthia''': Algernon is the only effective smartness drug on ''the'' market. 
:'''Max''': Grow your brain with Algernon, dumbasses!
:'''Kinga''': ''[speaking rapidly]'' Side effects of Algernon include nausea, mouse friendship, and the 1969 Oscar for Best Actor. Algernon may kill you if taken when the sun is out or setting. 
:'''Max''': ''[rapidly speaking]'' Algernon should not be ingested even in jest. For more warnings, see our ad in ''Golf Magazine''.
:'''Synthia''': Algernon made me so smart, I realized it was dangerous, and I should stop taking it.
:'''Kinga, Max, and Synthia''': ''Algernon!''

==== Mac and Me (movie) ====

:''[as security surrounds the building]''
:'''Servo''': Don't worry, if we just put some flashing lights on it, nobody'll notice it's your mom's station wagon.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Mac is blown onto the highway and struck by a vehicle]''
:'''Crow''': So now our lovable hero is getting hit by a car. Gotcha.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as three of the aliens travel naked and struggling through the desert]''
:'''Jonah''': The [[w:Blue Man Group|Blue Man Group]] as you've never seen them before: brown!
:'''Servo [as one of the aliens]''': ''[coughing]'' No, go on and do the movie without me, please...
:'''Crow''': They're so close to inventing clothes. Come on guys!
:'''Jonah''': This is like if humanity had evolved from ''[[Pinky and the Brain]]''.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mike''': Hey, how's it going?
:'''Debbie''': ''[wearing stereotypical Native American apparel]'' Shhh! We're communing with the earth spirits.
:'''Servo [as Debbie]''': They say this is very insensitive.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Eric investigates the running shower]''
:'''Servo''': Oh yeah, way to diss the new owners. Leave the shower running, and they get stuck with the water bill.
:'''Crow [as Eric]''': Hello? Somebody in here? 'Cause I've been holding it in since Denver!
:''[Eric pulls aside the shower curtain, revealing nothing]''
:'''Jonah''': Somebody killed [[w:Janet Leigh|Janet Leigh]]!
:'''Servo [as Eric]''': Oh, I was hoping it'd be that lady duck from ''[[w:Howard the Duck (film)|Howard the Duck]]''.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Eric opens the front door after Mac reveals himself]''
:'''Servo''': [[w:The Raven|Who is that rapping? Rapping on my chamber door?]]
:''[Eric opens the door and no one is there]''
:'''Jonah''': Huh, [[Edgar Allan Poe|darkness there, and nothing more.]]
:'''Crow''': Huh, didn't even have the courtesy to leave a flaming bag of poop.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[A garbage can rattles]''
:'''Crow''': Remember: When you throw away your [[w:Tickle Me Elmo|Tickle Me Elmo]], you've ''got'' to remove the batteries.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Eric's wheelchair starts to rush down a hill toward a cliff]''
:'''Crow [as Eric]''': [[Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace|Now ''this'' is podracing]]!
:'''Debbie''': Eric!
:'''Servo''': Chickabee! Tay in the wind!
:''[Eric tries to brake, but his brake breaks off]''
:'''Jonah [as Eric]''': Damn you, Roy's Discount Medical Supplies!
:''[Eric flies off the cliff, screaming into a lake below]''
:'''Crow''': You know, they went through three Erics making this.
:''[Mac watches Eric splash into the water confused]''
:'''Servo [as Mac]''': Great. Now I'm gonna get blamed for this too.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Crow''': I can't help feeling like I've seen all this before. Single mom, suburban kid, big brother, little girl...
:'''Jonah''': Yeah, that's ''[[E.T.]]''
:'''Crow''': No, that's not it. You know, they find an alien, he loves junk food—
:'''Jonah''': Yeah no, it's from ''E.T.''
:'''Crow''': No, but the alien is separated from its family and just wants to call home—
:'''Jonah''': You're thinking of ''E.T.''!
:'''Crow''': No, but then the alien helps the kid fly—
:'''Jonah''': ''E.T.''!!!
:'''Crow''': Let me finish! —during a summer camp boxing match.
:'''Jonah''': Oh, ''[[w:Meatballs Part II|Meatballs II]]''. 
:'''Crow''': Now ''that's'' it!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Crow [as an agent] ''': Tell my wife I died chasing a little boy in a wheelchair!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mike''': ''[wearing sunglasses]'' Eric!
:'''Jonah''': Hey, nice sunglasses. 
:'''Servo''': ''[cut to a different angle, the sunglasses go missing]'' Hey, where'd the sunglasses go?
:'''Mike''': Get ready!
:''[the sunglasses are suddenly back on Mike's face]'' 
:'''Jonah''': Hey, nice sunglasses.
:'''Servo''': ''[Mike is pulling Mac into the van; the sunglasses are gone]'' Hey, where'd the sunglasses go?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Mac is riding piggyback on Mike]''
:'''Crow''': ''[imitating [[w:Yoda|Yoda]]]'' [[w:Luke Skywalker|Luke]], 30 years from now, overly possessive fanboys, upset with [[w:Star Wars: The Last Jedi|your character arc]] will be. Hmm, yes.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[the MACs have wandered into the grocery store, and the mother has knocked over a pile of canned soda]''
:'''Crow, Servo, and Jonah''': Jenga!
:'''Store Associate''': Hey, what do you think you're doing?!
:'''Crow [as a MAC]''' Uh, uh, uhhh...
:''[the father MAC walks in front of the associate, holding a watermelon]''
:'''Jonah [as the father MAC]''': I gotta find the John, where do I put this?
:''[the associate looks at him, bottom to top]''
:'''Servo [as the father MAC]''': Did you just check me out???
:'''Crow and Jonah [as two bystanders]''': Did he just check him out???

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Servo''': Now this is what ''E.T.'' was missing. A shootout in a grocery store.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jonah''': Oh, I bet this is the part of the movie where Eric's gonna give a big speech about no matter what we look like on the outside, we are all the same, and really, isn't that— ''[the police begin opening fire on the aliens, starting a massive firefight]'' Whoa, okay. Tha— I mean like— oh! NO! NOO! NO STOP! NO IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE A SPEECH ABOUT HOW WE'RE ALL THE SAME!
:'''Servo''': What? ''[the cars all explode, causing a massive explosion of the gas store]''
:'''Jonah''': NOOO!!!
:'''Crow''': What the hell???
:'''Servo''': Holy gizmos!
:'''Jonah''': ''[freaking out]'' NO, WHAT THE F— COME ON!!! This didn't happen in ''E.T.''!
:'''Crow''': [[Apocalypse Now|I love the smell of napalm in the morning]]!
:'''Jonah''': ''[stressed]'' It's supposed to be about how we're all the same in the end and everything's gonna be okay...

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jonah''': He looks like [[w:Teddy Ruxpin|Teddy Ruxpin]] with his face torn off.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Crow''': That's neither the church ''nor'' the steeple.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Mac blows a bubblegum bubble]''
:'''Servo [as Mac]''': Wanna see my spleen? It's pretty cool.
:''[Eric pops the bubble]''
:'''Servo [as Mac]''': Ahh! I need that to live!

=== [[w:Atlantic Rim (film)|Atlantic Rim]] ===

==== Atlantic Rim (movie) ====

:'''Crow''' Atlantic Rim? Could you be more [[w:Pacific Rim (film)|Pacific]]?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Admiral Hadley''': Pretty big step for a radar glitch. Do you have anymore information you wanna tell me?
:'''Gypsy''': [[w:The Sixth Sense|Bruce Willis was dead the whole time]], sir.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Lt. Jim''': Damn, what time is it?
:'''Crow''': Time is a social construct, SIR!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Dr. Adams''': Who would take down an oil rig?
:'''Crow''': [[w:Robert Mueller|Robert Mueller]]?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Lt. Jim''': It just disappeared from my sonar, I don't have anything here. Anybody else reading anything?
:'''Crow''': ''[as Stone]'' Uh, ''[[w:Lincoln in the Bardo|Lincoln in the Bardo]]''.
:'''Jonah''': ''[as Admiral Hadley]'' ''Cash on Cash'' by [[w:Johnny Cash|Johnny Cash]].
:'''Servo''': ''[as Dr. Margaret Adams]'' [[w:Danielle Steel|Danielle Steel]].
:'''Crow''': ''[as Lt. Wexler]'' I'm into podcasts.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Red battles a giant monster]''
:'''Red''': This thing's all over my ass, man! He's gonna tear me up!
:'''Crow''': Excuse me?
:'''Lt. Jim''': Hey, send someone in there, he's getting killed down there!
:''[as the camera shows different characters]''
:'''Servo [as Hadley]''': That thing's all over him. 
:'''Crow [as Adams]''': Tearing him up. 
:'''Jonah [as Wexler]'''  Especially his ass.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Red is being put in the brig]''
:'''Red''': Easy!
:'''Crow''': Yeezy? Kanye? I don't know what to call him anymore! Tell me what to call Kanye, please!
:'''Servo [as Red]''': Oh, I think I found a way out. I'm gonna get outta here- ''[door is locked]'' Aww man...
:'''Red''': Yo, there's people dying!
:'''Jonah [as Red]''': And it's actually Beren''stain'' Bears! ''Not Bernstein!!!''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[in a scene with two bomber pilots]''
:'''Jonah''': I kinda just figured we'd get matching helmets, didn't you?
:'''Servo''': [[w:Joel Hodgson|Joel Hodgson]]???

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jonah''': That day, eight brave soldiers evacuated Manhattan by word of mouth alone.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jonah [as Geise]''': He's gonna hear about this! &quot;@US Navy; my Admiral says 'cappish' instead of 'capiche'. LOL, eyepatch emoji,&quot; tweet.
:'''Geise''': It's me.
:'''Crow [as Geise]''': Ya boy.
:'''Geise''': We're not getting no play here.
:'''Crow [as Geise]''': It's a total sausage fest.
:'''Geise''': The Admiral is going to lose New York one way or another.
:'''Crow [as Geise]''': He's already misplaced Orlando.
:'''Geise''': I think it's time we implement...
:'''Crow [as Geise]''': Pause for effect.
:'''Geise''': ... the Trojan Horse.
:'''Crow [as Geise]''': Bum, bum, bum!
:'''Geise''': Yes sir.
:'''Crow [as Geise]''': I love you. Uh- wai- Why is he always hanging up right when I'm about to say it?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as the bots attack the monster]''
:'''Crow''': Guys, lets look at this from the monster's point of view. He's out of his element, an endangered species, probably just looking for food and suddenly, some robots attack him.
:'''Jonah''': Yeah, if anything, he's a poor huddled mass just yearning to breath free.
:'''Servo''': We should be welcoming this new sea monster American, and the unique skills he brings with him.
:'''Jonah''': Yeah
:''[At this point, the monster accidentally destroys the Statue of Liberty, causing Jonah and the bots to freak out]''
:'''Crow''': Aw, hell no!
:'''Jonah''': Kill that monster! ''[in chorus with Servo and Crow]'' USA! USA! USA!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[the monster has been defeated by Red, and everyone is celebrating]''
:'''Servo''': So now they go out for a well deserved night of celebration. 
:'''Crow''': Which ends with Red once again, in the brig. This time for urinating on the dog of a visiting diplomat. 
:'''Jonah''': Until another monster emerges for him to battle. 
:'''Servo''': Which he does, leading to another victory, and another night of drinking. 
:'''Crow''': And he's back in the brig. 
:'''Jonah''': And the cycle of Red's life continues.
:''[camera pans to the burning remains of the giant robot]''
:'''Servo''': And the movie ends as it began... as a garbage fire.

=== [[w:Lords of the Deep|Lords of the Deep]] ===

==== Lords of the Deep (movie) ====

:'''Stanley''': You're not exactly fired, Barbara. I mean- there is a difference between being fired and being replaced.
:'''Crow''': Just ask [[w:Conan O'Brien|Conan O'Brien]].

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as the Submarine shakes violently, with alarms going off]''
:'''Crow''': That's why you always go into the theater when you have Movie Sign.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Servo''': ''[as someone dresses into a yellow wetsuit]'' Can't believe I have to dress like a Minion for this stupid kid's birthday party. I went to Juilliard!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[a yellow submarine rests on the seafloor]''
:'''Jonah''': ''[imitating John Lennon]'' Told you we shouldn't have let Ringo drive.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jonah''': Well, at least he died doing what he loved; yelling at fish.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[about a shot behind a grate]''
:'''Servo''': You know, Jonah, this shot is not ''grate''.
:'''Jonah''': Thanks, Tom. I know you're just ''venting''. You wanna try one, Crow?
:'''Crow''': No thanks, I don't think puns are funny. Yet the way they're constructed makes you feel like they should be.
:'''Jonah''': I hear ya.
:...
:''[later, on a shot of a sink]''
:'''Crow''': Hey, I got it! Let that ''sink'' in. Yeah, I'm a pun guy! I like myself, and I'm saying puns!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[a shot of Claire seemingly gazing down on the three silhouettes]''
:'''Jonah''': Hey, she's looking right at us!
:'''Crow''': Yeah! You're freaking us out, lady! Stop it!
:'''Servo''': And look at how she's behaving, like ''we're'' the jerks.
:'''Jonah''': Yeah!
:''[she begins to back away]''
:'''Servo''': No, you back off!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Crow''': More like Amelia ''Water''heart! Get it? I'm puntastic!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Chadwick''': It's like if you... blew 'em apart...
:'''Crow''': You know, like, ba-boom?
:'''Chadwick''': All those little pieces, in time, would come back together again...
:''[Chadwick locks his fingers together]''
:'''Jonah''': Here's the church, here's the steeple...
:'''Chadwick''' ''[Locking his fingers together tighter]'': And form one being.
:'''Jonah''' Open the doors, Lords of the Deeple.

=== [[w:The Day Time Ended|The Day Time Ended]] ===

==== The Day Time Ended (movie) ====

:'''Jenny''': ''[suddenly appearing in the shot]'' Bye Daddy!
:'''Jonah [as Richard]''': Whoops, were you there the whole time, baby?
:'''Richard''': You be a good girl for Mommy now, okay?
:'''Jenny''': I will, Daddy.
:'''Richard''': Alright, I'll see you tomorrow.
:'''Crow''': Bargain-bin Mark Hammill's gotta get his make out on!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Steve''': ''[coming downstairs]'' Hey, Dad.
:'''Servo, Jonah, and Crow''': [[w:Cheers|Norm]]!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Richard''': ''[on the phone]'' Well how long do you think it would take to fix it?
:'''Jonah''': A half-hour, sir. It's just a pizza.
:'''Richard''' Okay, I'll call back in an hour or so. Thank you.
:'''Jonah''': No no- what toppings do you need on the- ''[Richard hangs up]''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Grant''': What is it?
:'''Ana''': The mirror.
:'''Grant''': Well, what about it?
:'''Ana''': It was broken.
:'''Crow [as Grant]''': Damn bikers must have fixed it!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[The camera is left running as Jenny goes to the bathroom]''
:'''Crow''': Look, I appreciate the cinéma vérité approach, but do we really have to wait here while she goes tinkle? What's the point? Why?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Crow [as Ana]''': ''[as the alien reveals itself to Ana]'' Ugh, gotta stop mixing steak milk and NyQuil...

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jenny''': Mommy, I don't wanna go. I like it here. 
:'''Beth''': Shh, honey, don't talk now...
:'''Servo [as Beth]''': Or ever. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Grant enters a smoke-filled basement]''
:'''Jonah [as Grant]''': Boy, are you steaming hams down here again?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as a small alien appears in the parents' bedroom]''
:'''Jonah''' [as Mr. Hankey]: Well, ''howdy-ho!''

=== [[w:Killer Fish|Killer Fish]] ===

:'''Max''': ''[pulling out a turkey egg from their time-travel oven]'' Hey! What came first? The cooked turkey or the egg? 
:'''Kinga''': ''[very annoyed]'' ... Flush them the movie!
:'''Max''': No, think about it. If they're watching this on Thanksgiving... or Easter... it would ''blow'' their minds. 
:'''Kinga''': ...... No.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jonah''': ''[utilizing a model wooden cutout model of the film's characters]'' Okay boys, we need to figure out a way to get them over here, using only this. 
:'''Servo''': Jonah, are we ''really'' doing an ''[[w:Apollo 13 (film)|Apollo 13]]'' bit? It's 23 years old.
:'''Crow''': We don't have time for questions! Irritating lives are on the line!
:'''Jonah''': It's like a logic puzzle where you cross a river with a fox, a chicken, and a bag of grain. 
:'''Servo''': Why not just leave the fox? Is there ''any'' situation where you'd ''need'' a fox?
:'''Jonah''': My point is, it's all about the order you do things in! You can't just send Kate and Paul,  'cause they'll just run away with the jewels. 
:'''Servo''': Hmm, and you can't send Paul with Lasky because they'll just fight. 
:'''Crow''': Lasky and Gabrielle get along too well. Halfway to shore, spontaneous shower.
:'''Jonah''': Exactly. 
:'''Servo''': And we're not even ready to address the Ollie conundrum. 
:'''Jonah''': And they can't all fit on the raft, unless... they ''are'' the raft!
:'''Servo''': Ohhh!
:'''Jonah''': Ann and Gabrielle are the oars!
:'''Crow''': Kate's hair is the sail!
:'''Servo''': Lasky is the floor, Paul's the steering wheel!
:'''Jonah''': Exactly! And Ollie...
:''[beat]''
:'''Crow''': Guys, we all knew Ollie wasn't making it out of this.
:'''Servo''': Yeah. 
:'''Jonah''': Yeah that's a good point...

==== Killer Fish (movie) ====

:'''Fisher''': ''[as officers inspect their boat]'' I guess you want to see our licenses again? You've seen it every day this week. 
:'''Officer''': But this time, it's different. 
:'''Jonah [as Officer]''': It's my birthday. 
:'''Fisher''': You can say that again. 
:'''Jonah [as Officer]''': It's my birthday. 
:'''Fisher''': This time we got the jackpot. 
:'''Crow [as Fisher]''': We caught us a money shark! Check it out!
:'''Fisher''': ''[holding up a catch of fish]'' Eh?
:'''Servo''': ''Finding Nemo'' my ass, right. We caught the sucker and his whole crummy family!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Luis''': You have got a lot of nerve. Telling a man who has had a heart attack that he's lucky to have stopped working. He's lucky to be alive. 
:'''Jonah [as Luis]''': He's a miracle!
:'''Cavello''': But he looks pretty healthy. 
:'''Luis''': Must be that lady friend of his. I have a feeling she's ''extremely'' efficacious. ''[snickers]''
:'''Crow''': Ugh. I wonder how they spelled &quot;nyahuhuhuh&quot; in the script.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Kate''': ''[as Diller opens a book, only to have it taken away by Kate]'' Ah ah ah, ''much'' too heavy for a man in your delicate condition. 
:'''Jonah''': Oh man, nothing turns a guy on more than a lady implying he's too delicate to lift a book.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[after the obese Ollie is pulled into the pool by Robert Lasky]''
:'''Servo''': Whoa, he almost landed on Jimmy Stewart and Donna Reed!
:'''Jonah''': It's especially humiliating because he had ''so much'' dignity in the first place. 
:'''Ollie''': I should have stayed a 98-pound weakling.
:'''Crow [as Ollie]''': Curse this final form!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Gypsy''': ''[singing]'' Will I see many sea anemones? No no, there are no sea anemones to see. But though I don't see baracuda or a school of ahi tuna, I'll still rip off ''Jaws'' one and two and three!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Ollie''': ''[during a photoshoot]'' Well, what do you think?
:'''Crow, Servo, and Jonah''': ''[flashing the okay sign]'' It stinks!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Gabrielle''': Where have you two been?
:'''Kate''': In the shower. 
:'''Jonah [as Gabrielle]''': Ish that shupposhed to be shome kind of euphemishm?
:'''Lasky''': ''[playing backgammon]'' I was showing Gabrielle some basic moves.
:'''Servo''': Lathering, rinsing, repeating...
:'''Paul''': Looks to me more like you're trying to keep them a secret. Leaving blots at this particular stage of the game, my dear, can be a very reckless proposition. Unless, of course, one knows how to turn them to one's own advantage. 
:'''Lasky''': Maybe I should take a lesson from you. 
:'''Crow''': In the shower?
:'''Gabrielle''': Here, you two play. Go ahead. 
:'''Jonah''': In the ''shower?'' Tom, you take the next one. 
:'''Paul''': No no, leave them just as they are. I'll pick up where she left off. 
:'''Servo''': In the ''SHOWER???''

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as a very cheap looking tornado breaks the dam causing a flood]''
:'''Growler [as a tour guide]''': If you look out the left side of the tram, you'll see a twister from the movie ''[[w:Twister (1996 film)|Twister]]''. And there's the flash flood section of the backlot. You might recognize it from ''[[w:Three Amigos|The Three Amigos]]'', and ''[[w:The China Syndrome|The China Syndrome]]''. Hopefully you're wearing your raincoats, because the dam broke. Of course, this is just the magic of special effects, courtesy of three giant pumps that can move 10,000 gallons of water in sixty seconds. This concludes our tour! Hope you enjoyed our new Killer Fish ride at Universal. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''M. Waverly''': ''[as a man gets eaten alive in the water by a swarm of piranhas]'' Who's ready for borscht? I put sour cream in separate containers so you can dollop it out yourselves!
:'''Jonah''': Ugh, not now, M. Waverly.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Ollie is swarmed by piranhas]''
:'''Crow''': ''[as Ollie bleeds in the water]'' Hey, Kool-Aid!
:'''Ann''': Take my hand, Ollie!
:'''Ollie''': I can't!
:'''Servo [as Ollie]''': Curse this delicious honey-barbecue flavored blood of mine!
:...
:''[Ollie is killed, and bloody water is all the remains]''
:'''Growler''': Who wants Kool-Aid? Did you guys do that one already?
:'''Servo''': Yeah, we did.
:'''Growler''': Okay, I'll be right over here. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Lasky''': You think this blood could buy us enough time to get down to that raft?
:'''Paul''': ''[chuckling]'' That's all we've got. Let's try it. 
:'''Gabrielle''': Hey, you're not really gonna go into that water, are you?
:''[an explosion happens]''
:'''Servo''': Oh, sorry! That was me! Left my Stouffer's lasagna in the oven too long.
:'''Growler''': Somebody call for a Stouffer's lasagna?
:'''Jonah''': No, but thanks, Growler.
:'''Growler''': Well, if it's all the same to you, I'm gonna go over there, lay this thing across my torso, and pretend I suffered a bear attack. Goodbye. 
:'''Jonah''': What?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Lasky jumps into piranha-infested waters to catch Paul on the raft, causing the piranhas to attack him]''
:'''Growler''': My brother-in-law took down a 12-point buck last winter, so I made this blood sausage. Anybody want some?
:''[Jonah and the bots gag]''
:'''Jonah''': Oh, you're disgusting!
:'''Servo''': That's just gross! Come on. 
:'''Crow''': Come on Growler!
:'''Growler''': Okay, suit yourself. I'll be over here. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as piranhas attack Lasky]''
:'''Crow [as a piranha]''': At this point, I'm just stress-eating!
:'''Servo''': Kids, this is what happens if you fall in during the Jungle Cruise at Universal Studios. 
:'''Jonah''': Why hasn't [[w:David Blaine|David Blaine]] tried this?

=== [[w:Ator, the Fighting Eagle|Ator, the Fighting Eagle]] ===

==== Ator, the Fighting Eagle (movie) ====

:''[as the credit naming [[w:Miles O'Keeffe|Miles O'Keeffe]] is listed]''
:'''Servo''': Remind me again, how much Keeffe is in this movie?
:'''Jonah''': Oh hush. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Indun''': You will feel that you've stepped into eternity.
:'''Jonah''': I stepped in ''something''.</text>
      <sha1>18fo1mqz035w9zq704fzghqsqk9jwds</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Gizmoplex</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>307147</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3942560</id>
      <parentid>3940470</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-05-18T22:57:28Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>MTsocano</username>
        <id>3051402</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Gamera vs. Jiger */</comment>
      <origin>3942560</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="53221" sha1="dnychxo7j3ucvcopdghmfieee0yjtka" xml:space="preserve">{| border=1 align=center style=&quot;text-align:center;&quot;
| bgcolor=#80FFFF | [[#Santo in the Treasure of Dracula|&lt;span title=&quot;Santo in the Treasure of Dracula&quot;&gt;01&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#80FFFF | [[#Robot Wars|&lt;span title=&quot;Robot Wars&quot;&gt;02&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#80FFFF | [[#Beyond Atlantis|&lt;span title=&quot;Beyond Atlantis&quot;&gt;03&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#80FFFF | [[#Munchie|&lt;span title=&quot;Munchie&quot;&gt;04&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#80FFFF | [[#Doctor Mordrid|&lt;span title=&quot;Doctor Mordrid&quot;&gt;05&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#80FFFF | [[#Demon Squad|&lt;span title=&quot;Demon Squad&quot;&gt;06&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#80FFFF | [[#Gamera vs. Jiger|&lt;span title=&quot;#Gamera vs. Jiger&quot;&gt;07&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#80FFFF | [[#The Batwoman|&lt;span title=&quot;The Batwoman&quot;&gt;08&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#80FFFF | [[#The Million Eyes of Sumuru|&lt;span title=&quot;The Million Eyes of Sumuru&quot;&gt;09&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#80FFFF | [[#HG Wells’ The Shape of Things to Come|&lt;span title=&quot;HG Wells’ The Shape of Things to Come&quot;&gt;10&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#80FFFF | [[#The Mask 3D|&lt;span title=&quot;The Mask 3D&quot;&gt;11&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#80FFFF | [[#The Bubble|&lt;span title=&quot;The Bubble&quot;&gt;12&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#80FFFF | [[#The Christmas Dragon|&lt;span title=&quot;The Christmas Dragon&quot;&gt;13&lt;/span&gt;]]
|}

=== [[w:Santo en el tesoro de Drácula|Santo in the Treasure of Dracula]] ===
:'''Kinga Forrester''': For three decades, the Forrester family experiment has resided on a number of platforms. 
:'''Max''': ''[[w:Comedy Central|Comedy Central]]'', the ''[[w:SyFy|Sci-fi Channel]]'', ''[[w:Netflix|Netflix]]''...
:'''Kinga''' But my family thought too small. Why subject our home-grown experiment to the hands of thankless executives... when ''we'' could be the thankless executives??? Introducing, the Kinga-dome! Our premiere theater-
:'''Max''': Connected to the Gizmoplex!
:'''Kinga''': ... Our ''premiere theater!!!'' ... for all things ''Mystery Science Theater 3000''. A bright and shining beacon to the worst that cinema has to offer.

==== Santo in the Treasure of Dracula (movie) ====

:'''Tom Servo''': This is actually my favorite ''[[w:Castlevania|Castlevania]]'' sequel.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Voiceover''': ''[translating a sign]'' Dr. Cesar Sepulveda, nuclear physicist.
:'''Servo''': Thursdays on Telemundo.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jonah Heston''' ''[about Santo's silver wrestling mask]'' It's like a Hershey Kiss in a suit. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jonah''' Uh-oh, I think this contraption is powered by an Etch-a-Sketch.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Professor Van Roth''': How strange. This mirror reflects everything.
:'''Jonah''': Yes, it's a mirror.
:'''Van Roth''': Except you!
:'''Count Dracula''': Bastard! ''[shatters the mirror]''
:'''Servo''': Now you'll have seven years of bad suck- uh luck.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Dracula flees after being revealed by Van Roth]''
:'''Jonah [as Dracula]''': You fool, I've been me the whole time!
:'''Van Roth''': Mein Gott! ''[proceeds to cross his heart]''
:'''Servo''': Spectacles, testicles... testicles... testicles... 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Luisa''': That was an awful experience.
:'''Santo''': Calm down, it's already over. Get some rest. 
:'''Crow T. Robot [as Luisa]''': But I've slept most of the movie. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jonah''': Hey, you got your Spirit Halloween store in my Ed Wood movie. 
:'''Servo''': No, you got your Ed Wood movie in my Spirit Halloween store. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Crow''': Most of wrestling is just different types of hugs.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Servo''': So a booming soundtrack as the little girl walks around the house, but silence during a car chase. Okay.

=== [[w:Robot Wars (film)|Robot Wars]] ===

==== Robot Wars (movie) ====

:''[as the opening credits lists J. Downing]''
:'''Crow T. Robot''': I bet the J stands for &quot;just please don't use my full name&quot;.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[as a robot is shown onscreen]''
:'''Crow''': Papa, is that you???
:'''Jonah Heston''': Oh no, hey now Crow, easy. It's not. 
:...
:''[the robot is shown again]''
:'''Crow''': Papa, you wanna have a catch?
:'''Jonah''': Hey, it's not your dad, okay?
:'''Crow''': Jonah, you're not my REAL dad!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Tom Servo''': ''[after a model tank is destroyed]'' There goes the entire practical effect budget.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Drake''': Rooney, you must have grown up in old California with too much sun. Let me ask you a question. Was your daddy rich and your mama good looking?
:'''Rooney''': You're cruising for a court martial, buster boy.
:'''Servo [as Drake]''': That's buster ''bro''!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Rooney''': I hope he gets his balls shot off.
:'''Crow, Servo, and Jonah''': [[w:Battlestar Galactica (2003 series)|So say we all]].

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stumpy''': You know, we're robot men, Captain. What are we doing out here in a grit and grime where people can blow our ass away? We're supposed to be indestructible!
:'''Crow''': You know, like the ''Titanic'', or the seal industry, or Gamestop stocks, or Beanie Babies, or America's love for James Corden!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[during a laser gun fight]''
:'''Crow''': So who are we rooting for?
:'''Jonah''': Oh, whoever makes the kill shot that ends the movie. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''GPC''': ''[at the sight of a building labeled &quot;Oasis&quot;]'' Anyway, here's &quot;Wonderwall.&quot;

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Drake''' : Stumpy, get out of there, you're a sitting duck!
:'''Stumpy''': Just keep that override down!!!
:'''Crow''': Yeah, and maximize the wiffle hoofer, and triangular the single framler and coagulate the preflamer!!!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Crow''': And lo, did the white people flee into the desert, soon to create Scottsdale, Arizona.

=== [[w:Beyond Atlantis (film)|Beyond Atlantis]] ===

:'''Emily Connor''': Can't believe I'm really on the dark side of the moon. 
:'''Max''': Well, [[w:The Dark Side of the Moon|as a matter of fact, it's all dark]].

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Emily''': Well, the stimulator bots have already absorbed the behavior of Jonah's bots within seconds. 
:'''Servo''': And your point?
:'''Emily''': That's not gonna be problematic...
:'''Crow''': I'll tell you what's problematic, your soul's gonna get crushed within seconds!
:'''Emily''': I'm used to it,  I'm on Twitter. 

==== Beyond Atlantis (movie) ====

:'''Servo''': My friend, [[w:Ja Rule|Ja Rule]] told me that [[w:Fyre Festival|Fyre Fest]] would be here. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[as a woman stands on East Eddie during his massage]''
:'''Emily''': Oh,  she can finally clean that fan. 
:'''East Eddie''': Feast your eyes on this. 
:'''Servo''': Anything to take our eyes off of that.
:'''Logan''': That's a Tuscarora!
:'''Crow''': No, that's a pearl. 
:'''Logan''': It's worth a thousand pesos, maybe more. Where'd you get it?
:'''Emily''': From a wet scared guy. 
:'''East Eddie''': Can you fence it?
:'''Logan''': Fence? Hell, it'll go like wildfire!  These are rare, I haven't seen one in years. 
:'''East Eddie''': There's a lot more where that came from. 
:'''Servo''': I got a guy shoving sand into oysters as we speak.
:'''East Eddie''': I'll supply, you deal, we'll split down the middle.
:'''Crow''': Splitting it? That's almost like half!
:'''Logan''': ''[shaking East Eddie's hand]'' Put 'er there, pard!
:'''Emily''': You got it, 'ner!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Logan''': Eddie, you got money, and I'm a diver. Now all we need's a boat and some good equipment. You can pick 'em up for a song. Just give me a small advance, I can have us moving in a couple of days. 
:'''Emily''': Uh, is she washing him with a chicken cutlet?
:'''East Eddie''': Listen, I know where you're coming from, and the idea's out of sight, but I want Vic Mathias in on this. He's an expert diver, he has his own boat, and he knows the islands like the back of his hand. 
:'''Logan''': It's no good, it won't work. If we bring him in, we've got to make it a three-way scene. 
:'''East Eddie''': So we'll split it three ways!
:'''Emily [as Logan]''': Ugh, but we're a dynamic duo, not a terrific trio!
:'''Logan''': No, we don't need him!
:'''East Eddie''': I want him! He'll keep us honest. 
:'''Crow [as East Eddie]''': What are we, crooks?
:'''Logan''': Eddie, believe me, I know the region better than Mathias. I lived on the islands for five years, I've covered every inch of 'em. We can do it alone! Just tell me where you found them. It's probably an island I used to live on. 
:''[East Eddie laughs hard]''
:'''Servo [as East Eddie]''': ''[hysterical]'' You can't live on an ''island''! It's surrounded by ''WATER''! How would you even get there??? HA HA HA!!!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Servo [as Logan]''': Wait a minute, how am I sitting across from me?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Emily''': ''[when an armed guard does nothing in regards to a nearby fight]'' Really low AI on the NPCs in this game. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''East Eddie''': I'm speaking to him in a dialect he can't refuse to understand!
:'''Emily''': Esperanto. 
:'''East Eddie''': The truth!
:'''Crow''': Is East Eddie the bad guy???
:'''East Eddie''': And you talk to me in English!
:'''Servo''': That's why American tourists are beloved the world over. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Emily''': I guess we hosts have to stick together. 
:'''Jonah''': Actually, historically we hosts have never stuck together. Kind of a host-eat-host world. 
:'''Emily''': Oh really? 'Cause maybe working together you'd have been able to escape. I mean, how'd you do 20 of these experiments and never try outsmarting the Mads? I mean, I hate to use strong language but... they seem kind of dumb. 
:'''Jonah''': Yes, yes yes yes yes, good point! Perhaps with the proper cooperation, this forced vacation can be brought to a cessation!
:'''Emily''': Huh? Why are you talking in rhymes all of a sudden? 
:'''Jonah''': I will tell you later why I speak in rhyme, but unfortunately now, you've got-
:''[buzzer sounds]''
:'''Emily''': MOVIE SIGN!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Nereus''': Only hurt and destruction can come from the feelings within you. It is your destiny to mate with an outsider, not to love him. 
:'''Crow''': Island Tinder. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Vic Mathias''': ''[to Syrene]'' I don't love you. 
:'''Emily [as Syrene]''': Okay, Syrene, play it cool. Don't let him know he's hurt you...
:''[Syrene runs out of the hut]''
:'''Crow''': She really runs like a mermaid. 
:''[Mathias slowly exits his hut to watch her run off]''
:'''Servo [as Mathias]''': [[w: Willy Wonka &amp; the Chocolate Factory|Wait. Stop. Come back]].

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Syrene''': There is still another place. 
:'''Emily''': Where the watermelons grow?
:'''Logan''': You've been holding out. 
:'''Syrene''': It's very deep. 
:'''Logan''': Yeah, but it's got pearls in it, right?
:'''Syrene''': According to the lore of my people, the Rizion Channel has hundreds upon hundreds of pearls.
:'''Crow''': Boring mythology, but okay. 
:'''Logan''': You've seen them?
:'''Syrene''': No, but others in my village have.
:'''Emily [as Syrene]''': And the fish down there? ''Totally'' naked. 
:'''Logan''': What are we waiting for?
:'''Servo [as Syrene]''': You mean, &quot;For what are we waiting?&quot;
:'''Syrene''': It's very dangerous. 
:'''Logan''' You only live once. 
:'''Emily''': Logan invented YOLO? Take that, Drake.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Crow''': This movie is just a series of nice landscapes ruined by weird people.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[as the villagers carry Syrene's casket boat into the ocean]''
:'''Emily''': To be fair, this movie makes me want to walk into the ocean, too.
:...
:'''Emily''': I don't think some of these extras were prepared for how deep this was gonna get. 
:'''Servo''': No one was. 
:'''Crow''': Ariel's burial.

=== [[w:Munchie|Munchie]] ===

==== Munchie (movie) ====

:''[as Gage begins daydreaming about an awards ceremony in class]''
:'''Jonah''': Ladies and gentlemen, it's the Fracties! The night where fractions come out to shine.
:'''Male Announcer''': It's my honor to read the name of the student whom you have chosen as your next student body president. ''[is given an envelope]'' Envelope please, thank you. ''[gives it to the woman next to him]''
:'''Crow [as the announcer]''': I can't read.
:'''Female Announcer''': And the winner is...
:'''GPC''': [[w:La La Land|La La Land]]! [[w:List of accolades received by La La Land|Oh, not again]]...
:'''Female Announcer''': Gage Dobson!
:''[the students cheer and applaud]''
:'''Servo [as voiceover announcer]''': This is Gage Dobson's first win after being nominated for such daydreams as ''What If I Were a Robot With a Sword For an Arm?'' and ''Naked Book Report II''.
:''[as Gage accepts a trophy]''
:'''Jonah''': Okay, and cue the [[w:Carrie (1976 film)|bucket of pigs blood]].
:''[Mrs. Blaylok suddenly appears by Gage]''
:'''Crow [as Blaylok/[[w:Kanye West|Kanye West]]]''': [[w:2009 MTV Video Music Awards|I'mma let you finish...]]

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mrs. Blaylok''': The problem on the board, how can we arrive at a sum?
:'''Jonah''': [[w:All Star (song)|BODY once told me the world is gonna Munchie]]!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Gage Dobson''': Do you think you'll ever get this Jeep running? 
:'''Professor Cruikshank''': This bucket of bolts? Of course I will! Then I'll have to think of something to do with these hands. 
:'''Crow''': Don't, you'll go blind!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Dobson''': Hey, where are you gonna sleep tonight?
:'''Munchie''': Pal, any place is an improvement over that box. Actually, I was sort of hoping I could bunk down with you. 
:'''Crow, Servo, and Jonah''': Ew.
:'''Dobson''': You're gonna have to make your own bed though. 
:'''Munchie''': Don't worry about me, Pal. Hammer, nails, I come prepared.
:'''Jonah''': [[w: Pontius Pilate| Pontius Pilate]] sends his regards. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Munchie sits at a computer, and the puppet clumsily types on the keyboard]''
:'''Munchie''': Okay, let's go. Let's see what kind of grades this kid's got. 
:'''Jonah''': He just spelled &quot;jkfghfgl.&quot;

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Leon Daggett''': ''[dazed]'' I... am gonna kill... you. 
:'''Crow [as Leon]''': Once... I deal... with this brain hem...o...rrhage.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[after Gage punches Leon out cold into a laundry cart]''
:'''Servo [as Gage]''': Violence ''is'' the answer!
:''[shot of Leon in a dazed state as the laundry cart rolls into the showers]''
:'''Jonah''': Wasn't football gonna do that anyway? I mean...
:'''Servo [as Gage]''': You just got en-Gaged! No wait, that's not it... something with Gage.
:''[several other classmates cheer for Gage]''
:'''Jonah''': Gage's understudies.
:'''Gym Teacher''': Alright, break it up. Head for class. Gage, we gotta talk!
:'''Crow [as Gym Teacher]''': You're guilty of manslaughter, bud!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Elliot''': This is the most important thing I've ever asked anyone in my life.
:'''Crow [as Elliot]''': Can you get me out of this movie?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Munchie''': Gage, you should never ask for anything unless you really want it. 
:'''Dobson''': I know. 
:'''Crow''': Is that what the puppet team said to the concept artist for this movie?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Cathy''': ''[interrupting the party]'' Gaaage!
:'''Servo''': [[w:Garfield|Garfield!]]
:'''Jonah''': [[w: Dennis the Menace (U.S. comics|Dennis!]]
:'''Crow''': [[Malcolm in the Middle|Malcolm!]]
:'''Servo''': [[w:Alvin and the Chipmunks|ALLLVIIIN!!!]]

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jonah''': It's comforting to see Munchie in a body bag.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as the faces of the characters show during the closing credits]''
:'''Jonah''': Cathy was sentenced to twelve years in prison for fraudulent catering charges on Elliot's missing credit card. 
:'''Crow''': Elliot died on the prison farm and was vivisected by the other inmates. No charges have been filed. 
:'''Servo''': Professor Cruikshank was arrested for hijacking and held indefinitely in Guantanamo Bay. He does not expect a trial. 
:''[as Gage is shown]''
:'''Jonah''': Hang on, main character, but fourth billed? Ouch.

=== [[w:Doctor Mordrid|Doctor Mordrid]] ===

==== Doctor Mordrid (movie) ====

:'''Emily''': ''[during a long panning shot of Mordrid's room during the title sequence]'' I think the camera operator might just be lost.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[during an establishing shot of [[w:Rio de Janiro| Rio de Janiro]] and the [[w: Christ the Redeemer (statue)|Christ the Redeemer statue]]]''
:'''Crow''' For God so loved the world ''thiiis'' much.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Kabal''': ''[pouring out a thick liquid onto the ground]'' Beyond the barrier of heaven and earth, let it go free into a closed dwelling. May it cause it to enter. 
:'''Emily''': The world has never seen such evil caramel. 
:'''Kabal''': Primum materialis...
:'''GPC 2''': Lorem ipsum!
:'''Kabal''': Release this blood of the earth. May it find its place with the philosopher's stone. 
:'''Emily''' Now in America, that's [[w:Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone|sorcerer's stone]].

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Samantha Hunt''': Oh listen, I was curious about-
:''[Dr. Mordrid uses his medallion to freeze time and vanish]''
:'''Servo''': Dr. Mordrid, sorcerer supreme, uses his incredible powers to escape awkward small talk. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Mordrid opens a chest and begins browsing through scrolls]''
:'''Servo [as Mordrid]''' Let's see, [[w:Dead Sea Scrolls|Dead Sea Scrolls]], exalted scrolls, [[w:The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion|Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion]], yes!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Samantha tries to open Mordrid's door, only to be burned by the doorknob]''
:'''Servo''': [[w:The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring|One does not simply walk into Mordrid's]].

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[during an interrogation]''
:'''Mordrid''': I have to tell you something. 
:'''Emily [as Mordrid]''': I'm pregnant. 
:'''Mordrid''': ''Show'' you something, so that you'll comprehend the magnitude of why I cannot be held here any longer. 
:'''Servo [as Mordrid]''': Through the medium of dance. 
:'''Samantha''': Everything we say is being recorded. 
:'''Emily [as Samantha]''': We're live on [[w:Twitch (service)|Twitch]]. Thanks to Donkey Dan for the three month sub. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Adrian''': Oh look dude, the master protects me from your puny weapons! You ain't got- ''[Gaudio shoots him in the leg]''
:'''Emily [as Adrian]''': My jelly pants!
:'''Adrian''': IT HURTS!
:'''Gaudio''': Call him an ambulance. 
:'''Crow [as police officer]''': You're an ambulance, sir.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Crow''': I can't believe ''Dr. Mordrid'' was a Christmas movie the whole time!
:'''Emily''': Well, okay, but it wasn't though.
:'''Servo''': But there was a Christmas tree in it. 
:'''Emily''': Well a Christmas tree doesn't make it a Christmas movie. ''101 Dalmatians'' has a Christmas tree in it. 
:'''Crow''': Well, what if it takes place on Christmas, ''and'' has a Christmas tree in it?
:'''Servo''': Like ''Die Hard''.
:'''Emily''': Okay, it doesn't matter. Look at the release date. ''Die Hard'' came out July 15th, 1988. It's a summer blockbuster, not a Christmas movie. 
:'''Servo''': How do you know when ''Die Hard'' came out?
:'''Emily''': I have this discussion a lot. 
:'''Crow''': So if it came out at any point other than the Christmas season, it's not a Christmas movie?
:'''Emily''': That's right. 
:'''Servo''': What about ''Nightmare Before Christmas''?
:'''Emily''': Well, released October 13th, obviously a Halloween movie. 
:'''Crow''': ''Elf''?
:'''Emily''': Well, released November 7th, an early Thanksgiving parable about found families and sugar consumption. 
:'''Servo''': ''It's a Wonderful Life''?
:'''Emily''': While, actually released on January 7th, it's a New Year's morality play about the evils of forgetfulness. 
:'''Servo''': So according to Newton's third law of motion, ''any'' movie that comes out in the Christmas season is a Christmas movie?
:'''Emily''': Me and Newton are on the same page there. 
:'''Crow''': Then ''Titanic'' is a Christmas movie!
:'''Emily''': Yep. And I'll die on this hill, and if the hill comes out in late December, I'll call it a Christmas hill.

=== [[w:Demon Squad|Demon Squad]] ===

:'''Joel''': Hey, Dr. Erhardt, I haven't seen you in several millenia. How's the mad biz treating you? 
:'''Dr. Erhardt''': Oh, you know,  Joel. It ebbs and flows. More of a hobby at this point. 
:'''Joel''': I gotcha. Really glad to hear your voice caught up with you too. That shrill nagging tone you always had was really grating on the ears. 
:'''Dr. Erhardt''': ''[shrill-voiced]'' It's a hormonal disorder, you little piece of sh-
:'''Kinga''': GENTLEMEN!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Bonsey''': Wait... who was that guy again?
:'''Ardy''': I'll tell you later. Movie in the hole!

==== Demon Squad (movie) ====

:'''Daisy O'Reilly''': ...I am about to use this thing for scrap. We need something that'll stay on more than ten minutes at a time. 
:'''Nick Moon''': Those things still cost money, right?
:'''Daisy''': Thing's older than I am. 
:'''Nick Moon''': Still works harder. 
:'''Crow''': Says the drunk guy. 
:'''Daisy''': As I keep saying, I would happily work hard at the job I ''thought'' I was hired for. 
:'''Servo [as Nick Noon]''': Well I ''thought'' I needed a jaded barista. 
:'''Nick Moon''': We settled this. You're lucky I even hired you. 
:'''Daisy''': It helped that I was the only applicant. 
:'''Joel''': Ooh, another LinkedIn success story. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Nick Moon''': Now what can I do for you miss...
:'''Delilah Fontaine''': Fontaine. Delilah Fontaine. 
:'''Nick Moon''': Miss Fontaine. 
:'''Delilah''': Call me Lilah.
:'''Servo [as Nick Moon]''': So, Karen...
:'''Joel [as Nick Moon]''': Leslie...
:'''Crow [as Nick Moon]''': Sandy...
:'''Nick Moon''': Any relation to Charles Fontaine?
:'''Delilah''': He's my father. 
:'''Nick Moon''': Let me stop you there. 
:'''Servo [as Nick Moon]''': Tony. 
:'''Nick Moon''': I don't do missing persons. 
:'''Delilah''': I think you'll find this particular case to be of interest. 
:'''Nick Moon''': Look lady, as much as I'd like to help you, I can't find your old man. It doesn't matter how many zeroes you put on the check. 
:'''Joel [as Nick Moon]''': Because Nick don't do math.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Delilah''': You really don't have to do this, Nick. I can get a hotel room. 
:'''Nick Moon''': I do this for all my clients. 
:'''Servo [as Delilah]''': Yes, I see them under your bed. 
:'''Nick Moon''': Well, you know. All my attractive, single clients.
:'''Crow [as Delilah]''': Oh, I get it. You're a pig!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Delilah''': What are you going to do?
:'''Servo [as Nick Moon]''': I just ate 14 dumplings. What do ''you'' think?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[during an interrogation of a vampire]''
:'''Nick Moon''': What's The Stranger planning?
:'''Joel''': ''Stranger Things''?
:'''Vampire''': Well, he has the dagger, so use your imagination. 
:'''Crow [as Nick Moon]''': Hmmm... dragons. 
:'''Vampire''': That's all I know. Now can I go?
:'''Servo [as Nick Moon]''': Sure, do you need your parking validated?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Delilah''': ''[after Nick startles her]'' I'm starting to see why you're single. 
:'''Crow [as Nick Moon]''': Pretty cool, huh?
:'''Nick Moon''': ''[surprised]'' ... Wow. 
:'''Servo''': Yeah, a real, live woman. 
:'''Crow, Servo, and Joel''': Pretty niiice!

=== [[w:Gamera vs. Jiger|Gamera vs. Jiger]] ===

:'''Bonesy''': Gamera? I could really go for some turtle meat. 

==== Gamera vs. Jiger (movie) ====

:''[during the opening credits montage]''
:'''Servo''': I guess we're watching Gamera's acting reel now?
:'''Crow''': Has Gamera been in other movies?
:'''Jonah''': Oh yeah, Gamera's been in a lot of movies. ''[[w:Gamera vs. Guiron|Gamera vs. Guiron]]'', ''[[w:Gamera vs. Gyaos|Gamera vs. Gyaos]]'', ''[[w:Gamera vs. Barugon|Gamera vs. Barugon]]'', ''[[w:The Bridges of Madison County (film)|Gamera vs. The Bridges of Madison County]]'', and ''[[w:Kramer vs. Kramer|Gamera vs. Kramer vs. Kramer]]''.
:'''Crow''': Wow, I didn't realize that Gamera was such a versatile performer.
:'''Jonah''': Oh, totally. 
:'''Servo''': Yeah, he's like the Meryl Streep of giant turtle actors.  He's not afraid to do intimate character work.
:'''Jonah''': Yeah, that's what I like about him. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Hiroshi''': ''[about a miniature submarine]'' Will it really dive, or is this model a toy?
:'''Hiroshi's Father''': No, it's a real miniature submarine. But the trouble is, it's too real, and goes too far down. 
:'''Servo [as Hiroshi's Father]:''' Like my serotonin. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jonah''': Gamera is like the original fidget spinner. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[after Jiger shoots Gamera with darts]''
:'''Crow''': Jiger's all like, &quot;Why don't we put a pin in this?&quot;
:''[Jiger charges Gamera and rams him]''
:'''Jonah''': [[w:Pokemon|Jiger uses dash! It's super effective]]!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[a ship's doctor takes a drink of liquor]''
:'''Servo''': Second opinion from Dr. Jim Bean.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as the statue is unloaded]''
:'''Hiroshi''': They'll unload it. 
:'''Susan''': ''[in a heavy hard to understand accent]'' These men should teach you a lesson. They're not afraid if some old curse gets them. 
:'''Crow''': If anyone needs subtitles in this movie, it's ''her''.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Servo''': Let's call this monster [[w:Axl Rose|Axl Rose]], because he's got an [[w: Appetite for Destruction|appetite for destruction]].

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as the Gamera theme plays]''
:'''Servo, Crow, and Jonah''': ''[singing]'' Gamera flies like a plane! He likes pleasure mixed with pain! Never kink shame Gamera!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Gamera is wounded and beaten by Jiger, and Gamera slowly retreats]''
:'''Crow [as Gamera]''': ''[singing]'' It's not just my arm that is bleeding / It's part of my neck meat as well / But it's mainly my ego that's bleeding / Why must I come out of my shell? 
:'''Jonah [as Gamera]''': ''[singing]'' Sure, everyone knows me as Gamera / The turtle the kids all adore / But if I get stabbed by a Jiger / Will they even like me anymore?
:'''Servo [as Gamera]''': ''[singing]'' For the love of the children is fickle / You have it, then it disappears / They'll love you, and leave you tomorrow / As soon as the city smoke disappears. 
:'''Crow [as Gamera]''': ''[singing]'' You'd say Gamera, sure he's got everything / The power, flight, looks, and fame / Then into town swims Kaiju come lately / They don't even remember my name.
:'''Jonah [as Gamera]''': ''[singing]'' Gamera's the friend of all children / Of that, the whole world can agree / Oh Gamera's friends with the children / But who gives their friendship to me?
:'''Servo [as Gamera]''': ''[singing]'' Sure, I've been singing a long time / I'm a ham with a long way to go / Because after all, I'm a turtle / And turtles do everything slow.
:'''Servo, Crow, and Jonah''': ''[singing]'' And turtles do everything slooow...

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Hiroshi and Tommy navigate the miniature submarine through Gamera's lungs]''
:'''Jonah''': This is the most stressful game of Operation ever played. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Hiroshi and Tommy venture out into Gamera's lung]''
:'''Jonah''': ''[singing]''  [[w:Pure Imagination|Come with me, and you'll see, a world of turtle respiration! Steal your dad's submarine, and attempt resuscitation.]]
:'''Hiroshi''': Tommy, I think this is it over here. Dr. Matsui, there's a small hole in his side. 
:'''Dr. Matsui''': A hole? Be very careful. 
:'''Servo''': [[#Eegah|Watch out for snakes]].

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as the Gamera theme plays and Gamera flies off with Jiger's dead body]''
:'''Servo, Crow, and Jonah''': ''[singing]'' Gamera take the body home! Gonna eat the flesh from bone! Keto diet Gamera!
:'''Crow''': Oh weird, they're being trailed by cans and a banner that says &quot;Just married&quot;.
:'''Servo, Crow, and Jonah''': ''[singing]'' Gamera's a movie that has no end in sight! No going home! This is now your life!

=== The Batwoman ===

==== The Batwoman (movie) ====

:''[as the Batwoman rides a horse through a Mexican village to a jazz melody]''
:'''Emily''': Wow, Gotham got hit hard by the recession. 
:'''Crow''': Spaghetti westerns only wish they were Sultry Jazz Westerns.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as reporters crowd Batwoman]''
:'''Emily''': Batwoman, when will you release your tax returns?
:'''Servo''': Batwoman, what's your position on pants? 
:'''Crow''': Is it true the [[w:Zack Snyder's Justice League|Snyder Cut]] of ''Batwoman'' has 25% more spearfishing?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Dr. Eric Williams''': You're about to witness the discovery of the century!
:'''Servo [as Williams]''': Stock footage!
:'''Dr. Williams''': From the depths of the ocean, over 400 million years ago,  surfaced the beginnings of the human race!
:'''Emily''': Is this a Scientology pitch?
:'''Dr. Williams''': And it all began with the first vertebrate, the fish! Starting from that point, we will make the regress into the dawn of evolution. 
:'''Crow''': Oh, edibles are hitting. 
:'''Dr. Williams''': And we will create a new being with the likeness of our ancestors: a human amphibious hybrid! ''[laughs maniacally]''
:'''Emily''': Oh, now I hate when comedians laugh at their own jokes.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Crow''': Well, Danny Elfman lost his job to an alarm clock. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Henchman''': ''[bringing Batwoman to Dr. Williams]'' Boss, look who we found! Get in here!
:''[Batwoman begins to fight the henchmen]''
:'''Crow''': Pow!
:'''Servo''': Biff!
:''[Dr. Williams grabs a scalpel and moves for Batwoman]''
:'''Emily''': Grab!
:'''Crow''': Lunge!
:''[Batwoman grabs a beaker of acid and throws it in Dr. Williams' face]''
:'''Servo''': Acid!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Servo''': ''Batwoman'', the movie that dares to say, &quot;We rented an underwater camera, and we're going to get every last peso out of it!&quot;

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[a car pulls out as a drum set plays the start of some upbeat music]''
:'''Servo''': I do ''not'' like the sound of that transmission. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[during a car chase scene involving henchmen and Batwoman]''
:'''Servo''': ''[singing to the chase music]'' Baaatwoman swerves. Baaatwoman drives. With Baaatwoman nerve, Baaatwoman jives!
:'''Emily''': See, this is why you've got to have a dashcam. 
:''[Batwoman honks her horn at the henchmen]''
:'''Crow''': Ah, yeah. Honk your horn. That'll show 'em.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Batwoman swims through a school of fish]''
:'''Emily''': I'm pretty sure she was in [[w:The Aquabats|the Aquabats]].
:'''Servo''': Well, she's in [[w:Phish|Phish]] now.
:'''Crow''': Clearly.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Batwoman is chased into an underwater patch of kelp]''
:'''Servo''': [[w:Help! (song)|Kelp! I need somebody...]]
:'''Emily''': Please no. Please no. 
:'''Servo''': [[w:With a Little Help from My Friends|I get by with a little kelp from my friends...]]
:'''Crow''': No no no, you really shouldn't. 
:'''Servo''': Sorry. I can't kelp myself. 
:'''Crow and Emily''': Uuugh!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Dr. Williams''': It'll be interesting to see if a woman can survive this kind of surgery and restore her pineal fluids without dying. Up to date, no man has been able to, but maybe the female gender is actually the most adequate to carry out this experiment for biological reasons.
:'''Mario''': You're insane, doctor!
:'''Dr. Williams''': You may be right, but as a matter of fact, there's an invisible line separating insanity and genius!
:'''Servo''': The [[w:Kanye West|Kanye]] line.

=== [[w:The Million Eyes of Sumuru|The Million Eyes of Sumuru]] ===

:'''Bonsey''': Oh, this one sounds familiar. 
:'''Ardy''': Shhhh...

==== The Million Eyes of Sumuru (movie) ====

:''[a bridge explodes as a funeral parade passes over it]''
:'''Crow''': It's a boy!
:'''Jonah''': Yay!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jonah [as spy]''': ''[as a female spy takes off her sunglasses and looks into the camera]'' Hello viewer, there were five mistakes in that scene. Can ''you'' name them all?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Medika''': ''[being wheeled away by a group of women]'' Mr. West!
:'''Nick West''': Hey, wait a minute!
:'''Crow [as a nurse]''': But we have to surgery. 
:''[Nick runs to the group of women as they turn to him with medical tools]''
:'''Jonah [as a nurse]''': Feet in the stirrups, come on buddy.
:'''Nick West''': Look ladies. My blue cross is all paid up. 
:''[a nun sneaks behind him and incapacitates him]''
:'''Servo [as nun]''': Sorry, but this is out of network. 
:'''Jonah [as nun]''': And then there were nun! ''[the nun slowly looks into the camera with an evil smile]'' Ha. Get it?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Servo''': ''[dressed as Sir Anthony]'' Well old chaps, let's go over this bally mission one last time, what what?
:'''Jonah''': Huh?
:'''Crow''': ''[dressed as Medika]'' It's simple. HMG and the CIA need you to get the VIP from the USA in his BMW to the HMV near the BBC with his DB at an ETA of 9:00 AM GMT.
:'''Jonah''': Huh?
:'''Crow''': Greenwich Mean Time!
:'''Servo''': Jolly good, and I've arranged for the VP of HMV to arrive in a GMC supplied by MI5 ASAP with a 4k HDTV tuned to HGTV with a soundtrack by the Bee Gees.
:'''Jonah''': Huh?!
:'''Crow''': Pay attention! This all has to go like clockwork!
:'''Servo''': Yes yes, the CW. So anyway, FYI...
:'''Jonah''': Oh, I know that one! For your information.
:'''Crow''': Don't be ridiculous! That's Federal Yellowdress Informant. She'll meet the BMW at the UN with the USMC, BTO, CCR, and UB40 while you ROTFL on AOL, then BRB so we can TTYL.
:'''Jonah''': Talk to you later. 
:'''Crow''': Correct!
:'''Jonah''': Ah! Then why'd you- oh you...
:'''Servo''': Precisely. Oklahoma University. So you see, the MC5 will approach the NSA VIP with their new CD on the QT, in the MI5 BMW at the VW and OMG, IRL, IMO, BTW, LOL, BRB. ABC NBC CBS AMC TNT CMA GMO ASPCA UCLA YMCA ICUP, OK?
:'''Crow''': Yeah, what do you say to that?
:'''Jonah''': Uh, OWGMS.
:'''Crow and Servo''': Huh?
:''[movie sign sounds]''
:'''Jonah''' Oh, we got movie sign!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Sumuru is handed a gun]''
:'''Nick West''': What's that thing?
:'''Servo [as Sumuru]''': It's for mommy's headaches.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Servo''': Frankie Avalon's hair comes courtesy of Build-A-Bear Workshop.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Sumuru''': Erno, are his clothes packed?
:'''Erno''': Yes, my lady. 
:'''Nick West''': Oh dear, I hope you were careful with that blue suit. It creases so. 
:'''Crow [as Sumuru]''': Burn the suit. 
:'''Sumuru''': And take care of his bill. 
:'''Nick West''': Yes, I wouldn't like to have an unpaid hotel bill on my conscience. 
:'''Sumuru''': Keep joking, Mr. West. 
:'''Crow, Servo, and Jonah''': Please don't. 
:'''Sumuru''': You will be finished with jokes before the night is out. 
:'''Crow, Servo, and Jonah''': Us too.
:'''Nick West''': I was beginning to run out of material anyway. 
:'''Crow, Servo, and Jonah''': Agreed.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Helga undresses behind a curtain as a shirtless Tommy Carter sits with his back to it]''
:'''Crow [as Frankie Avalon]''': I don't get it. Why aren't I making out right now? I'm Frankie Avalon! Is the universe playing a joke on me? 
:...
:''[Helga comes out from behind the curtain, wrapped in a towel]''
:'''Crow''': Sham-wow!
:'''Tommy Carter''': Well, what'd you have in mind?
:'''Helga''': Well, to prove to you I have no concealed weapons... ''[reveals herself to Tommy Carter, who smiles]''
:'''Servo [as Frankie Avalon]''': It's about damn time. I'm Frankie Avalon! 
:''[Tommy Carter drops his pistol]''
:'''Jonah''': Bang!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Sumuru whips Nick West in a dungeon]''
:'''Servo''': Okay, if there are any kids watching, it's past your bedtimes.

=== [[w:H. G. Wells' The Shape of Things to Come|H.G. Wells' The Shape of Things to Come]] ===

==== H.G. Wells' The Shape of Things to Come (movie) ====

:''[a robot presses a big red &quot;cancel&quot; button]''
:'''Emily''': Meanwhile, at ''Netflix''...

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[shot of a computer screen giving various readings]''
:'''Servo [as an officer]''': It's called Twitter. It's gonna be ''great'' for the discourse.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Dr. John Caball dons a silver radiation suit]''
:'''Servo''': Chernobyl for a prom theme. What were they thinking?
:'''Crow [as Dr. Caball]''': Alright, you're gonna wanna cook me at 350 degrees for about 70 minutes, you'll know when I'm done when a fork easily pierces my skin. Load me up with butter and don't skimp on the chives. I'm a potato.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Dr. Caball gazes out into space]''
:'''Dr. Caball''': Well, we're on our way. Out there is the vastness of space... the unknown...
:'''Crow''': [[w:Monty Python and the Holy Grail|It's only a model.]]

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Kim Smedley''': Funny, I still think of myself as an Earth child. 
:'''Servo''': Emily, do you still think of yourself as an Earth child? 
:'''Emily''': Oh, I don't know. Ask me after I've been here for seven years. 
:'''Crow''': Uh, no human has ever lived here that long. Just ask the other guys. 
:'''Emily''': Wait, what?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Sparks''': ''[to Jason Caball]'' Let me lead the way. 
:'''Emily''': Aw, that's sweet. Would you guys ever escort me into a dangerous unknown situation?
:'''Servo''': Uh, I'd walk with you so I could better criticize your choices.
:'''Crow''': I'd let you walk in front of me so you could shield me from the worst of the shrapnel. 
:'''Servo''': And I'd definitely film the whole thing for [[w:WorldStarHipHop|WorldStarHipHop]].
:'''Crow and Servo''': WorldStar!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Emily''': Hey, what would you call an almost perfect ripoff of the [[w:USS Enterprise (NCC-1701)|USS ''Enterprise'']]?
:'''Servo''': The USS Compromise.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Omus tortures Dr. Caball with high pitched sound, causing him to scream and spasm]''
:'''Emily''': You know, I do the same thing when I can't get [[w:Baby Shark|&quot;Baby Shark&quot;]] out of my head either.

=== [[w:The Mask (1961 film)|The Mask]] ===

:'''Max''': Good evening, Jonah. Prepare yourselves for a night of thrills, chills, and since I'm making soup, very likely spills.
:'''Kinga''': Max, I told you to get Growler and M. Waverly to clear away those cobwebs! The Gizmoplex looks like the inside of Charles Addams' coffin.
:'''Max''': I just thought, because it's Halloween and all-
:'''Kinga''': You thought you'd be lazier than usual? Clean it up!
:'''Max''': Fine, but if the Great Pumpkin doesn't show up, I'm blaming you.
:'''Kinga''': Uh, there is no Great Pumpkin. Haven't you ever seen the end of [[w:It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown|the special]]?
:'''Max''': I never get that far, because it's too scary!

==== The Mask (movie) ====

:''[when the Warner Brothers logo appears]''
:'''Jonah''': Warner Brothers? Are we in the right theater?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jim Moran''': I've seen masks unearthed from the ruins of crumbling tombs and masks hanging in exotic temples to ward off evil spirits. 
:'''Jonah [as Jim Moran]''': And goofy ghosts.
:'''Jim Moran''': ''[beckons to a decorated skull shaped mask]''  But nowhere, in all my travels, have I seen anything to compare to the power of this mask...
:'''Crow''': The [[w:Misfits (band)|Misfits]] logo!
:'''Jim Moran''': ... and the horrible curse it bears. This is the mask in which our story revolves, and I can tell you that even though I'm not superstitious, I wouldn't put it on for all the wealth of the Indies.
:'''Jonah [as Jim Moran]''': Or a Klondike bar.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Dr. Allan Barnes''': Exactly what is this mask?
:'''Michael Radin''': ''[under duress]'' The mask is to blame. You're just not aware of its power. 
:'''GPC [as Michael]''': It's toxic mask-ulinity.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[dramatic chord as Michael commits suicide offscreen, and a Chinese themed bobblehead shakes its head]''
:'''Jonah''': For a bobblehead, you're really judgemental. And racist.
:'''Crow [as bobblehead]''': Aye-aye-aye-aye-aye...
:''[Mrs. Kelly knocks on the door]''
:'''Servo [as Mrs. Kelly]''': Michael? I heard low brass. Did something ominous just happen, Michael? ''[Mrs. Kelly opens the door]'' Michael where are- oh! ''[Mrs. Kelly screams in horror]''
:''[a shot of Michael's body under a cover, his hands in a rigid form]''
:'''Jonah''': He died doing what he loved: jazz hands.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Dr. Barnes puts the mask on, and enters a hellish demonic trance]''
:'''Crow, Servo, and Jonah''': [[w:Magic Carpet Ride (Steppenwolf song)|You don't know what we can find, why don't you come with me, Dr. Barnes, on a 3D carpet ride!]]
:'''Crow''': Is this what it feels like to chew 5 Gum?
:''[shot of a skull with its eyes]''
:'''Servo''': Ack ack! Ack ack ack!
:''[the skull dissolves leaving only the eyes, which zoom forward past the screen repeatedly]''
:'''Jonah''': Irises, pupils, and cataracts, oh my! Irises, pupils, and cataracts, oh my!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Pam Albright''': Allan, I want you to get help from someone. Someone you can trust.
:'''Crow [as Pam]''': Like Jake, from Statefarm.
:'''Dr. Barnes''': Trust? There's no one I can trust. 
:'''Servo [as Dr. Barnes]''': Not even Flo from Progressive.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jonah''': This movie is like a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, seen through the migraine-inducing idea of 3D glasses.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Dr. Barnes takes off the mask]''
:'''Crow''': Thank you for using Mask. Be sure not to operate heavy machinery after applying mask.
:'''Servo''': Do not combine Mask with alcohol or other masks.
:'''Jonah''': Mask is not responsible for any car chases or murders the operator commits. 
:'''Crow''': Side-effects include greasy face and crunchy pants. Ask your doctor about Mask today.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Pam Albright''': Do you have to take the drug again, Allan? Is it like an addiction that builds until every pore of your body craves for it? Breathes for it? Is that what you feel, Allan?
:''[Dr. Barnes covers his ears and leans against a bookshelf]''
:'''Crow [as Dr. Barnes]''': I can't hear you! I'm a book now!
:'''Pam Albright''': The need to satisfy the beast that's eating into you?
:'''Servo''': ''[singing]'' [[w:Snickers|There's a hunger inside you...]]
:'''Pam Albright''': And when you put it on again, what will it be like?
:'''Servo''': ''[singing]'' Won't go away...
:'''Pam Albright''': Like a shot, a jolt, a charge that cools your burning body?
:'''Crow''': It's grease lightning!
:'''Pam Albright''': Will it lift you up and carry you along until you're ready to be plunged down again? Deeper, deeper, each time deeper until you die?!
:'''Dr. Barnes''': Shut up, SHUT UP!
:'''Servo [as Dr. Barnes]''': You're killing me with this Word Jazz!
:'''Pam Albright''': Tell me I'm not right.
:'''Jonah [as Hank Hill]''': [[w:King of the Hill|That Pam ain't right.]]

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Pam Albright''': ''[on the phone]'' Police department, please. 
:'''Servo [as Pam]''': Yes, I'm white.

=== [[w:The Bubble (1966 film)|The Bubble]] ===

:'''Kinga''': Your experiment today, Joel, may possibly be one of the worst films we've ever presented. Sorry, not sorry.
:'''Joel''': Hey, how bad could it be? I had to riff ''Manos''.
:'''Kinga''': Ardy?
:'''Ardy''': Oh, this movie's upsetting on a profound existential level. I'd advise you to put a disclaimer on it ASAP if you're still intending to use it as part of the experiment. 
:'''Kinga''': So on a scale from ''Mitchell'' to ''Monsters-a-Go-Go'', where would you say this lands?
:'''Ardy''': Ah, well let me put it this way. We built the whole Kingachrome system around ''Manos: The Hands of Fate'' and even that didn't have the effect this movie's having on our facility.  This may just be the wolf mother of all bad movies. 
:'''Kinga''': You think you're so smart, Robinson. &quot;I had to watch ''Manos''. Da da da da da-&quot; HA! Face the cinematic claustrophobia that is ''The Bubble''. FLUSH THEM THE MOVIEEEEE!
:'''Ardy''': Movie in the hole!

==== The Bubble (movie) ====

:''[as Catherine enters labor]''
:'''Mark''': I don't know what to do. 
:'''Catherine''':  You're taking all this too seriously. After all now, what's childbirth? Just a sexy bellyache.
:'''Joel''': Is it?
:'''Catherine''': Oh God, this one's king-sized!
:'''Mark''': Honey, I'm sorry. 
:'''Crow''': It's too late for that. 
:'''Catherine''': What's there to be sorry about? I wanna hatch him out. I'm tired of being his big fat private incubator. 
:'''Mark''': Well, just hold on for a little while longer. We'll be out of this. This guy's a hell of a pilot. 
:'''Servo [as Mark]''': According to Craigslist. 
:'''Catherine''': Better be a hell of an obstetrician. 
:'''Mark''': No... just hold it in, please?
:'''Joel [as Mark]''': Yeah, there's gotta be a rest stop around here, somewhere.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Joel''': This opening sequence is a clickbait article just waiting to happen.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Catherine''': By the way, what happened to Mr. Airplane? You know, what's his name? Herric?
:'''Mark''': Tony Herric. He found himself a saloon, and a girl. I think I'm gonna join him. 
:'''Crow, Servo, and Joel''': What?!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Tony and Mark drive through the mysterious town]''
:'''Mark''': Never seen such mixed up architecture. It almost looks like the backside of a movie lot.
:'''Tony''': That's it! A movie lot, big deal.
:'''Mark''': Yeah, of course. 
:'''Crow [as Mark]''': That explains everything. 
:'''Mark''': The people in the costumes, the... the cables coming from underneath the lampposts...
:'''Servo [as Mark]''': This guy who keeps yelling at me to act better. 
:'''Mark''': But I don't see any- any cameras, Tony. 
:'''Tony''': Friend, all I want is the exit. 
:'''Joel [as Tony]''': One of these warp pipes should get us out of here.
:...
:'''Tony''': Ah, to hell with it, all I want's my plane. 
:'''Servo''': All I want's the end credits.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Servo''': You know, it just dawned on me. They're really having a tough time.
:'''Crow''': Yeah, this movie's helping me put my little problems into perspective. 
:'''Joel''': That's right, my little robot friends, no matter how bad your day is, you can always say &quot;At least I'm not in Arch Oboler's ''The Bubble''.&quot;
:'''Servo''': But, we are watching Arch Oboler's ''The Bubble'', and that's pretty bad. 
:'''Joel''': Yeah, I guess I'm sorry I tried to cheer us up.  This blows.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mark''': Look, isn't it about time?
:'''Servo''': Uh-oh...
:'''Mark''': That you face reality?
:'''Joel''': Oh, apt thing to say to a new mom. 
:'''Catherine''': Reality? What reality?
:'''Crow''': You're soaking in it. 
:'''Catherine''': That either I'm in some kind of a nightmare from which I can't want up, or if what you say is true, then... then I'm part of a human zoo. 
:'''Servo''': You make it sound so metal. 
:'''Catherine''': I'd rather be in that nightmare. 
:'''Joel''': This is why you talk about human zoos before you get married. 
:'''Mark''': In a zoo? Were we so free before? Was I, the nine to five routine year after year? 
:'''Catherine''': But Mark, to live like an animal under the eye of-
:'''Mark''': Since when haven't I been under an eye?
:'''Catherine''': As a child. 
:'''Mark''': As a child, hell, first, first there was school, then there was the army, then after the army, the job.
:'''Crow [as Mark]''': Then came army school.
:'''Mark''': When hadn't there been some kind of eye watching over me? Stop tearing yourself apart over a world that doesn't even exist anymore.
:'''Servo''': The end!
:'''Mark''': Be grateful for this one. Well what's the matter with this place?
:'''Crow [as Catherine]''': Dull.
:'''Mark''': The walk? Keeps out meanness and hate. 
:'''Joel''': And entertainment. 
:'''Mark''': Yeah, even the bomb.
:'''Crow''': Whoa, that's heavy. 
:'''Catherine''': They're walking dead!
:'''Mark''': Well, we're not they. We don't eat what they eat. Look, we know what we're doing. 
:'''Servo [as Mark]''': We're chill.
:'''Mark''': We can live out our lives here, Cath, and by ourselves in perfect health and perfect security. 
:'''Joel [as Mark]''': Thanks to ADT.
:'''Mark''': Well what's wrong with that?
:'''Catherine''': I... I look up there... and I think to myself...
:'''Crow [as Louis Armstrong]''': [[w: What a Wonderful World|What a bubbleful world!]]

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Mark walks along the bubble barrier in a daze]''
:'''Servo''': This is what I imagine it feels like to work for Amazon.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Crow''': It finally happened. I'm completely out of things to say! It's like riffing on the same movie over and over and over again! I CAN'T TAKE IT! ''THE BUBBLE'' IS REAL!!! AHHHHH! ''[runs out of the theater]''
:'''Servo and Joel''': Wonder what he wanted.

=== [[w:The Christmas Dragon|The Christmas Dragon]] ===

:'''Bonsey''': God help us, everyone. 
:'''Ardy''': Movie in the ho-ho-hole!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Crow''': So, now I'm totally confused about Christmas. 
:'''GPC 2''': Yeah, does this mean Rudolph can breathe fire?
:'''Servo''': And how does the magic crystal figure into the nativity story? Ugh, whoever interpreted the Dead Sea Scrolls really dropped the ball on this one.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jonah''': It feels like we're moving!
:'''Emily''': Well let's make it count boys, let's do the theme song!
:'''Jonah''': Which one? There's like 12.
:'''Joel''': Uh, I only know the lyrics to Mike's.

==== The Christmas Dragon (movie) ====

:''[Gazared and Boomtall approach Ayden's parents]''
:'''Gazared''': Taxes. 
:'''Ayden's Mother''': Do you steal from every person you collect, or just us? 
:'''Gazared''': Are you going to give me the payment, or do you need... persuading?
:'''Ayden's Father''': I'm not giving you anything. I shall deliver my payment to Lord Rothford himself.
:'''Gazared''': I don't think our lord visits many men in the dungeon. Arrest him!
:''[thugs draw swords and approach]''
:'''Crow [as a thug]''': Alright, certified public accountants, let's crunch some numbers!
:''[Ayden's Father punches a thug, starting a brief fight]''
:'''Crow, Servo, and Emily''': ''[singing]'' [[w:Wonderful Christmastime|Sim-ply ha-ving a wonderful Christmastime!]]
:'''Ayden''': ''[comes out of hiding]'' No!
:'''Servo [as Ayden]''': File an extension!
:'''Ayden's Father''': ''[stops the fight]'' Alright! Alright. Enough. 
:'''Emily [as Gazared]''': Really? You were winning. 
:'''Ayden's Father''': I'll get the money. 
:'''Crow [as Ayden's Father]''': We can Airbnb our hut.
:'''Ayden's Father''': Just don't hurt her. 
:'''Gazared''': I wouldn't dream of hurting her. Not when I can get such a fair price for another child in the mines. Get them in the wagon! ''[the struggle resumes]''
:'''Crow, Servo, and Emily''': ''[singing]'' Sim-ply ha-ving a wonderful Christmastime!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Fin''': Where's Garrett?
:'''Servo [as Ayden]''': He decided to leave us and join a family of giraffes with his long neck and all. ''[sobs]''

 &lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Rand baits a hook and tosses it in the river]''
:'''Ayden''': Good idea, Rand. You see? If we all work together, we can make it. 
:'''Joel [as Ayden]''': But not if we keep throwing all our food in the water. 
:'''Hoyt''': What do you think you're going to catch?
:'''Servo''': Lyme disease.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[a river monster rams and topples the boat and its occupants]''
:'''Crow, Servo, and Joel''': ''[singing]'' Sim-ply ha-ving a wonderful Christmastime!
:'''Crow''': Disney's Jungle Cruise claims another five souls.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Servo''': Drinking age, 21. Life expectancy, 16. So unfair.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Arik beckons for the orphans to keep quiet as they approach a dragon]''
:'''Servo [as Arik/Elmer Fudd]''': Be vewy vewy qwuiet. We don't have a permit to film here. Huhuhuh.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Ayden befriends the dragon]''
:'''Servo''': It's the look of Spielbergian awe you can only get by staring lovingly at a tennis ball taped to a stick on a Toronto sound stage.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Ayden''': ''[to the dragon]'' Stay off that wing. 
:'''Jonah [as the dragon]''': ''[the dragon nods]'' Alright, ''mom''.
:'''Ayden''': Even though it's healing fast, no flying. You need your rest. 
:'''Crow [as Ayden]''': And if DreamWorks lawyers come, we were never here. 
:'''Saerwen''': Don't worry...
:'''Servo [as Saerwen]''': I left money for pizza. 
:'''Saerwen''': You've created a sacred bond with her. You two will always be able to find one another. 
:'''Jonah''': Thanks to social media. 
:''[Arik approaches them]''
:'''Crow''': Third wheel alert. 
:'''Ayden''': We're going north. Catch up with us when you can. 
:'''Servo [as the dragon]''': I get it. You guys can't afford to put me in the next couple scenes, can you?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Arik and Saerwen kiss]''
:'''Jonah [as Arik]''': Come on, let's give these kids something to talk to their therapist about.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as the dragon is hooked to Father Christmas' sleigh]''
:'''Emily''': Oh man, guys look, they ''sleighed'' the dragon. 
:'''Joel''': Oh, that's neat. 
:'''Jonah''': Oh, come on, Emily...

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Father Christmas, the dragon, and the orphans dive at Gazared and her thugs]''
:'''Jonah [as Ayden]''': The spirit of the yuletide! Faster, Santa! KILL! KILL!
:''[Gazared and the thugs jump into a river]''
:'''Emily [as Father Christmas]''': Eat tinsel, bastards!
:'''Joel [as Father Christmas]''': Alright, now let's turn around and finish them off! We'll go after their families, and to all a goodnight! 
:'''Jonah, Emily, and Joel''': Ho ho ho!</text>
      <sha1>dnychxo7j3ucvcopdghmfieee0yjtka</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3942561</id>
      <parentid>3942560</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-05-18T22:58:15Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>MTsocano</username>
        <id>3051402</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* The Million Eyes of Sumuru */</comment>
      <origin>3942561</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="53221" sha1="5id9fcxl40knoe2wyuwi3ts5ayredqz" xml:space="preserve">{| border=1 align=center style=&quot;text-align:center;&quot;
| bgcolor=#80FFFF | [[#Santo in the Treasure of Dracula|&lt;span title=&quot;Santo in the Treasure of Dracula&quot;&gt;01&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#80FFFF | [[#Robot Wars|&lt;span title=&quot;Robot Wars&quot;&gt;02&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#80FFFF | [[#Beyond Atlantis|&lt;span title=&quot;Beyond Atlantis&quot;&gt;03&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#80FFFF | [[#Munchie|&lt;span title=&quot;Munchie&quot;&gt;04&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#80FFFF | [[#Doctor Mordrid|&lt;span title=&quot;Doctor Mordrid&quot;&gt;05&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#80FFFF | [[#Demon Squad|&lt;span title=&quot;Demon Squad&quot;&gt;06&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#80FFFF | [[#Gamera vs. Jiger|&lt;span title=&quot;#Gamera vs. Jiger&quot;&gt;07&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#80FFFF | [[#The Batwoman|&lt;span title=&quot;The Batwoman&quot;&gt;08&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#80FFFF | [[#The Million Eyes of Sumuru|&lt;span title=&quot;The Million Eyes of Sumuru&quot;&gt;09&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#80FFFF | [[#HG Wells’ The Shape of Things to Come|&lt;span title=&quot;HG Wells’ The Shape of Things to Come&quot;&gt;10&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#80FFFF | [[#The Mask 3D|&lt;span title=&quot;The Mask 3D&quot;&gt;11&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#80FFFF | [[#The Bubble|&lt;span title=&quot;The Bubble&quot;&gt;12&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#80FFFF | [[#The Christmas Dragon|&lt;span title=&quot;The Christmas Dragon&quot;&gt;13&lt;/span&gt;]]
|}

=== [[w:Santo en el tesoro de Drácula|Santo in the Treasure of Dracula]] ===
:'''Kinga Forrester''': For three decades, the Forrester family experiment has resided on a number of platforms. 
:'''Max''': ''[[w:Comedy Central|Comedy Central]]'', the ''[[w:SyFy|Sci-fi Channel]]'', ''[[w:Netflix|Netflix]]''...
:'''Kinga''' But my family thought too small. Why subject our home-grown experiment to the hands of thankless executives... when ''we'' could be the thankless executives??? Introducing, the Kinga-dome! Our premiere theater-
:'''Max''': Connected to the Gizmoplex!
:'''Kinga''': ... Our ''premiere theater!!!'' ... for all things ''Mystery Science Theater 3000''. A bright and shining beacon to the worst that cinema has to offer.

==== Santo in the Treasure of Dracula (movie) ====

:'''Tom Servo''': This is actually my favorite ''[[w:Castlevania|Castlevania]]'' sequel.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Voiceover''': ''[translating a sign]'' Dr. Cesar Sepulveda, nuclear physicist.
:'''Servo''': Thursdays on Telemundo.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jonah Heston''' ''[about Santo's silver wrestling mask]'' It's like a Hershey Kiss in a suit. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jonah''' Uh-oh, I think this contraption is powered by an Etch-a-Sketch.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Professor Van Roth''': How strange. This mirror reflects everything.
:'''Jonah''': Yes, it's a mirror.
:'''Van Roth''': Except you!
:'''Count Dracula''': Bastard! ''[shatters the mirror]''
:'''Servo''': Now you'll have seven years of bad suck- uh luck.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Dracula flees after being revealed by Van Roth]''
:'''Jonah [as Dracula]''': You fool, I've been me the whole time!
:'''Van Roth''': Mein Gott! ''[proceeds to cross his heart]''
:'''Servo''': Spectacles, testicles... testicles... testicles... 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Luisa''': That was an awful experience.
:'''Santo''': Calm down, it's already over. Get some rest. 
:'''Crow T. Robot [as Luisa]''': But I've slept most of the movie. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jonah''': Hey, you got your Spirit Halloween store in my Ed Wood movie. 
:'''Servo''': No, you got your Ed Wood movie in my Spirit Halloween store. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Crow''': Most of wrestling is just different types of hugs.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Servo''': So a booming soundtrack as the little girl walks around the house, but silence during a car chase. Okay.

=== [[w:Robot Wars (film)|Robot Wars]] ===

==== Robot Wars (movie) ====

:''[as the opening credits lists J. Downing]''
:'''Crow T. Robot''': I bet the J stands for &quot;just please don't use my full name&quot;.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[as a robot is shown onscreen]''
:'''Crow''': Papa, is that you???
:'''Jonah Heston''': Oh no, hey now Crow, easy. It's not. 
:...
:''[the robot is shown again]''
:'''Crow''': Papa, you wanna have a catch?
:'''Jonah''': Hey, it's not your dad, okay?
:'''Crow''': Jonah, you're not my REAL dad!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Tom Servo''': ''[after a model tank is destroyed]'' There goes the entire practical effect budget.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Drake''': Rooney, you must have grown up in old California with too much sun. Let me ask you a question. Was your daddy rich and your mama good looking?
:'''Rooney''': You're cruising for a court martial, buster boy.
:'''Servo [as Drake]''': That's buster ''bro''!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Rooney''': I hope he gets his balls shot off.
:'''Crow, Servo, and Jonah''': [[w:Battlestar Galactica (2003 series)|So say we all]].

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stumpy''': You know, we're robot men, Captain. What are we doing out here in a grit and grime where people can blow our ass away? We're supposed to be indestructible!
:'''Crow''': You know, like the ''Titanic'', or the seal industry, or Gamestop stocks, or Beanie Babies, or America's love for James Corden!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[during a laser gun fight]''
:'''Crow''': So who are we rooting for?
:'''Jonah''': Oh, whoever makes the kill shot that ends the movie. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''GPC''': ''[at the sight of a building labeled &quot;Oasis&quot;]'' Anyway, here's &quot;Wonderwall.&quot;

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Drake''' : Stumpy, get out of there, you're a sitting duck!
:'''Stumpy''': Just keep that override down!!!
:'''Crow''': Yeah, and maximize the wiffle hoofer, and triangular the single framler and coagulate the preflamer!!!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Crow''': And lo, did the white people flee into the desert, soon to create Scottsdale, Arizona.

=== [[w:Beyond Atlantis (film)|Beyond Atlantis]] ===

:'''Emily Connor''': Can't believe I'm really on the dark side of the moon. 
:'''Max''': Well, [[w:The Dark Side of the Moon|as a matter of fact, it's all dark]].

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Emily''': Well, the stimulator bots have already absorbed the behavior of Jonah's bots within seconds. 
:'''Servo''': And your point?
:'''Emily''': That's not gonna be problematic...
:'''Crow''': I'll tell you what's problematic, your soul's gonna get crushed within seconds!
:'''Emily''': I'm used to it,  I'm on Twitter. 

==== Beyond Atlantis (movie) ====

:'''Servo''': My friend, [[w:Ja Rule|Ja Rule]] told me that [[w:Fyre Festival|Fyre Fest]] would be here. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[as a woman stands on East Eddie during his massage]''
:'''Emily''': Oh,  she can finally clean that fan. 
:'''East Eddie''': Feast your eyes on this. 
:'''Servo''': Anything to take our eyes off of that.
:'''Logan''': That's a Tuscarora!
:'''Crow''': No, that's a pearl. 
:'''Logan''': It's worth a thousand pesos, maybe more. Where'd you get it?
:'''Emily''': From a wet scared guy. 
:'''East Eddie''': Can you fence it?
:'''Logan''': Fence? Hell, it'll go like wildfire!  These are rare, I haven't seen one in years. 
:'''East Eddie''': There's a lot more where that came from. 
:'''Servo''': I got a guy shoving sand into oysters as we speak.
:'''East Eddie''': I'll supply, you deal, we'll split down the middle.
:'''Crow''': Splitting it? That's almost like half!
:'''Logan''': ''[shaking East Eddie's hand]'' Put 'er there, pard!
:'''Emily''': You got it, 'ner!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Logan''': Eddie, you got money, and I'm a diver. Now all we need's a boat and some good equipment. You can pick 'em up for a song. Just give me a small advance, I can have us moving in a couple of days. 
:'''Emily''': Uh, is she washing him with a chicken cutlet?
:'''East Eddie''': Listen, I know where you're coming from, and the idea's out of sight, but I want Vic Mathias in on this. He's an expert diver, he has his own boat, and he knows the islands like the back of his hand. 
:'''Logan''': It's no good, it won't work. If we bring him in, we've got to make it a three-way scene. 
:'''East Eddie''': So we'll split it three ways!
:'''Emily [as Logan]''': Ugh, but we're a dynamic duo, not a terrific trio!
:'''Logan''': No, we don't need him!
:'''East Eddie''': I want him! He'll keep us honest. 
:'''Crow [as East Eddie]''': What are we, crooks?
:'''Logan''': Eddie, believe me, I know the region better than Mathias. I lived on the islands for five years, I've covered every inch of 'em. We can do it alone! Just tell me where you found them. It's probably an island I used to live on. 
:''[East Eddie laughs hard]''
:'''Servo [as East Eddie]''': ''[hysterical]'' You can't live on an ''island''! It's surrounded by ''WATER''! How would you even get there??? HA HA HA!!!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Servo [as Logan]''': Wait a minute, how am I sitting across from me?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Emily''': ''[when an armed guard does nothing in regards to a nearby fight]'' Really low AI on the NPCs in this game. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''East Eddie''': I'm speaking to him in a dialect he can't refuse to understand!
:'''Emily''': Esperanto. 
:'''East Eddie''': The truth!
:'''Crow''': Is East Eddie the bad guy???
:'''East Eddie''': And you talk to me in English!
:'''Servo''': That's why American tourists are beloved the world over. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Emily''': I guess we hosts have to stick together. 
:'''Jonah''': Actually, historically we hosts have never stuck together. Kind of a host-eat-host world. 
:'''Emily''': Oh really? 'Cause maybe working together you'd have been able to escape. I mean, how'd you do 20 of these experiments and never try outsmarting the Mads? I mean, I hate to use strong language but... they seem kind of dumb. 
:'''Jonah''': Yes, yes yes yes yes, good point! Perhaps with the proper cooperation, this forced vacation can be brought to a cessation!
:'''Emily''': Huh? Why are you talking in rhymes all of a sudden? 
:'''Jonah''': I will tell you later why I speak in rhyme, but unfortunately now, you've got-
:''[buzzer sounds]''
:'''Emily''': MOVIE SIGN!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Nereus''': Only hurt and destruction can come from the feelings within you. It is your destiny to mate with an outsider, not to love him. 
:'''Crow''': Island Tinder. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Vic Mathias''': ''[to Syrene]'' I don't love you. 
:'''Emily [as Syrene]''': Okay, Syrene, play it cool. Don't let him know he's hurt you...
:''[Syrene runs out of the hut]''
:'''Crow''': She really runs like a mermaid. 
:''[Mathias slowly exits his hut to watch her run off]''
:'''Servo [as Mathias]''': [[w: Willy Wonka &amp; the Chocolate Factory|Wait. Stop. Come back]].

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Syrene''': There is still another place. 
:'''Emily''': Where the watermelons grow?
:'''Logan''': You've been holding out. 
:'''Syrene''': It's very deep. 
:'''Logan''': Yeah, but it's got pearls in it, right?
:'''Syrene''': According to the lore of my people, the Rizion Channel has hundreds upon hundreds of pearls.
:'''Crow''': Boring mythology, but okay. 
:'''Logan''': You've seen them?
:'''Syrene''': No, but others in my village have.
:'''Emily [as Syrene]''': And the fish down there? ''Totally'' naked. 
:'''Logan''': What are we waiting for?
:'''Servo [as Syrene]''': You mean, &quot;For what are we waiting?&quot;
:'''Syrene''': It's very dangerous. 
:'''Logan''' You only live once. 
:'''Emily''': Logan invented YOLO? Take that, Drake.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Crow''': This movie is just a series of nice landscapes ruined by weird people.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[as the villagers carry Syrene's casket boat into the ocean]''
:'''Emily''': To be fair, this movie makes me want to walk into the ocean, too.
:...
:'''Emily''': I don't think some of these extras were prepared for how deep this was gonna get. 
:'''Servo''': No one was. 
:'''Crow''': Ariel's burial.

=== [[w:Munchie|Munchie]] ===

==== Munchie (movie) ====

:''[as Gage begins daydreaming about an awards ceremony in class]''
:'''Jonah''': Ladies and gentlemen, it's the Fracties! The night where fractions come out to shine.
:'''Male Announcer''': It's my honor to read the name of the student whom you have chosen as your next student body president. ''[is given an envelope]'' Envelope please, thank you. ''[gives it to the woman next to him]''
:'''Crow [as the announcer]''': I can't read.
:'''Female Announcer''': And the winner is...
:'''GPC''': [[w:La La Land|La La Land]]! [[w:List of accolades received by La La Land|Oh, not again]]...
:'''Female Announcer''': Gage Dobson!
:''[the students cheer and applaud]''
:'''Servo [as voiceover announcer]''': This is Gage Dobson's first win after being nominated for such daydreams as ''What If I Were a Robot With a Sword For an Arm?'' and ''Naked Book Report II''.
:''[as Gage accepts a trophy]''
:'''Jonah''': Okay, and cue the [[w:Carrie (1976 film)|bucket of pigs blood]].
:''[Mrs. Blaylok suddenly appears by Gage]''
:'''Crow [as Blaylok/[[w:Kanye West|Kanye West]]]''': [[w:2009 MTV Video Music Awards|I'mma let you finish...]]

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mrs. Blaylok''': The problem on the board, how can we arrive at a sum?
:'''Jonah''': [[w:All Star (song)|BODY once told me the world is gonna Munchie]]!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Gage Dobson''': Do you think you'll ever get this Jeep running? 
:'''Professor Cruikshank''': This bucket of bolts? Of course I will! Then I'll have to think of something to do with these hands. 
:'''Crow''': Don't, you'll go blind!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Dobson''': Hey, where are you gonna sleep tonight?
:'''Munchie''': Pal, any place is an improvement over that box. Actually, I was sort of hoping I could bunk down with you. 
:'''Crow, Servo, and Jonah''': Ew.
:'''Dobson''': You're gonna have to make your own bed though. 
:'''Munchie''': Don't worry about me, Pal. Hammer, nails, I come prepared.
:'''Jonah''': [[w: Pontius Pilate| Pontius Pilate]] sends his regards. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Munchie sits at a computer, and the puppet clumsily types on the keyboard]''
:'''Munchie''': Okay, let's go. Let's see what kind of grades this kid's got. 
:'''Jonah''': He just spelled &quot;jkfghfgl.&quot;

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Leon Daggett''': ''[dazed]'' I... am gonna kill... you. 
:'''Crow [as Leon]''': Once... I deal... with this brain hem...o...rrhage.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[after Gage punches Leon out cold into a laundry cart]''
:'''Servo [as Gage]''': Violence ''is'' the answer!
:''[shot of Leon in a dazed state as the laundry cart rolls into the showers]''
:'''Jonah''': Wasn't football gonna do that anyway? I mean...
:'''Servo [as Gage]''': You just got en-Gaged! No wait, that's not it... something with Gage.
:''[several other classmates cheer for Gage]''
:'''Jonah''': Gage's understudies.
:'''Gym Teacher''': Alright, break it up. Head for class. Gage, we gotta talk!
:'''Crow [as Gym Teacher]''': You're guilty of manslaughter, bud!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Elliot''': This is the most important thing I've ever asked anyone in my life.
:'''Crow [as Elliot]''': Can you get me out of this movie?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Munchie''': Gage, you should never ask for anything unless you really want it. 
:'''Dobson''': I know. 
:'''Crow''': Is that what the puppet team said to the concept artist for this movie?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Cathy''': ''[interrupting the party]'' Gaaage!
:'''Servo''': [[w:Garfield|Garfield!]]
:'''Jonah''': [[w: Dennis the Menace (U.S. comics|Dennis!]]
:'''Crow''': [[Malcolm in the Middle|Malcolm!]]
:'''Servo''': [[w:Alvin and the Chipmunks|ALLLVIIIN!!!]]

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jonah''': It's comforting to see Munchie in a body bag.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as the faces of the characters show during the closing credits]''
:'''Jonah''': Cathy was sentenced to twelve years in prison for fraudulent catering charges on Elliot's missing credit card. 
:'''Crow''': Elliot died on the prison farm and was vivisected by the other inmates. No charges have been filed. 
:'''Servo''': Professor Cruikshank was arrested for hijacking and held indefinitely in Guantanamo Bay. He does not expect a trial. 
:''[as Gage is shown]''
:'''Jonah''': Hang on, main character, but fourth billed? Ouch.

=== [[w:Doctor Mordrid|Doctor Mordrid]] ===

==== Doctor Mordrid (movie) ====

:'''Emily''': ''[during a long panning shot of Mordrid's room during the title sequence]'' I think the camera operator might just be lost.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[during an establishing shot of [[w:Rio de Janiro| Rio de Janiro]] and the [[w: Christ the Redeemer (statue)|Christ the Redeemer statue]]]''
:'''Crow''' For God so loved the world ''thiiis'' much.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Kabal''': ''[pouring out a thick liquid onto the ground]'' Beyond the barrier of heaven and earth, let it go free into a closed dwelling. May it cause it to enter. 
:'''Emily''': The world has never seen such evil caramel. 
:'''Kabal''': Primum materialis...
:'''GPC 2''': Lorem ipsum!
:'''Kabal''': Release this blood of the earth. May it find its place with the philosopher's stone. 
:'''Emily''' Now in America, that's [[w:Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone|sorcerer's stone]].

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Samantha Hunt''': Oh listen, I was curious about-
:''[Dr. Mordrid uses his medallion to freeze time and vanish]''
:'''Servo''': Dr. Mordrid, sorcerer supreme, uses his incredible powers to escape awkward small talk. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Mordrid opens a chest and begins browsing through scrolls]''
:'''Servo [as Mordrid]''' Let's see, [[w:Dead Sea Scrolls|Dead Sea Scrolls]], exalted scrolls, [[w:The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion|Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion]], yes!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Samantha tries to open Mordrid's door, only to be burned by the doorknob]''
:'''Servo''': [[w:The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring|One does not simply walk into Mordrid's]].

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[during an interrogation]''
:'''Mordrid''': I have to tell you something. 
:'''Emily [as Mordrid]''': I'm pregnant. 
:'''Mordrid''': ''Show'' you something, so that you'll comprehend the magnitude of why I cannot be held here any longer. 
:'''Servo [as Mordrid]''': Through the medium of dance. 
:'''Samantha''': Everything we say is being recorded. 
:'''Emily [as Samantha]''': We're live on [[w:Twitch (service)|Twitch]]. Thanks to Donkey Dan for the three month sub. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Adrian''': Oh look dude, the master protects me from your puny weapons! You ain't got- ''[Gaudio shoots him in the leg]''
:'''Emily [as Adrian]''': My jelly pants!
:'''Adrian''': IT HURTS!
:'''Gaudio''': Call him an ambulance. 
:'''Crow [as police officer]''': You're an ambulance, sir.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Crow''': I can't believe ''Dr. Mordrid'' was a Christmas movie the whole time!
:'''Emily''': Well, okay, but it wasn't though.
:'''Servo''': But there was a Christmas tree in it. 
:'''Emily''': Well a Christmas tree doesn't make it a Christmas movie. ''101 Dalmatians'' has a Christmas tree in it. 
:'''Crow''': Well, what if it takes place on Christmas, ''and'' has a Christmas tree in it?
:'''Servo''': Like ''Die Hard''.
:'''Emily''': Okay, it doesn't matter. Look at the release date. ''Die Hard'' came out July 15th, 1988. It's a summer blockbuster, not a Christmas movie. 
:'''Servo''': How do you know when ''Die Hard'' came out?
:'''Emily''': I have this discussion a lot. 
:'''Crow''': So if it came out at any point other than the Christmas season, it's not a Christmas movie?
:'''Emily''': That's right. 
:'''Servo''': What about ''Nightmare Before Christmas''?
:'''Emily''': Well, released October 13th, obviously a Halloween movie. 
:'''Crow''': ''Elf''?
:'''Emily''': Well, released November 7th, an early Thanksgiving parable about found families and sugar consumption. 
:'''Servo''': ''It's a Wonderful Life''?
:'''Emily''': While, actually released on January 7th, it's a New Year's morality play about the evils of forgetfulness. 
:'''Servo''': So according to Newton's third law of motion, ''any'' movie that comes out in the Christmas season is a Christmas movie?
:'''Emily''': Me and Newton are on the same page there. 
:'''Crow''': Then ''Titanic'' is a Christmas movie!
:'''Emily''': Yep. And I'll die on this hill, and if the hill comes out in late December, I'll call it a Christmas hill.

=== [[w:Demon Squad|Demon Squad]] ===

:'''Joel''': Hey, Dr. Erhardt, I haven't seen you in several millenia. How's the mad biz treating you? 
:'''Dr. Erhardt''': Oh, you know,  Joel. It ebbs and flows. More of a hobby at this point. 
:'''Joel''': I gotcha. Really glad to hear your voice caught up with you too. That shrill nagging tone you always had was really grating on the ears. 
:'''Dr. Erhardt''': ''[shrill-voiced]'' It's a hormonal disorder, you little piece of sh-
:'''Kinga''': GENTLEMEN!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Bonsey''': Wait... who was that guy again?
:'''Ardy''': I'll tell you later. Movie in the hole!

==== Demon Squad (movie) ====

:'''Daisy O'Reilly''': ...I am about to use this thing for scrap. We need something that'll stay on more than ten minutes at a time. 
:'''Nick Moon''': Those things still cost money, right?
:'''Daisy''': Thing's older than I am. 
:'''Nick Moon''': Still works harder. 
:'''Crow''': Says the drunk guy. 
:'''Daisy''': As I keep saying, I would happily work hard at the job I ''thought'' I was hired for. 
:'''Servo [as Nick Noon]''': Well I ''thought'' I needed a jaded barista. 
:'''Nick Moon''': We settled this. You're lucky I even hired you. 
:'''Daisy''': It helped that I was the only applicant. 
:'''Joel''': Ooh, another LinkedIn success story. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Nick Moon''': Now what can I do for you miss...
:'''Delilah Fontaine''': Fontaine. Delilah Fontaine. 
:'''Nick Moon''': Miss Fontaine. 
:'''Delilah''': Call me Lilah.
:'''Servo [as Nick Moon]''': So, Karen...
:'''Joel [as Nick Moon]''': Leslie...
:'''Crow [as Nick Moon]''': Sandy...
:'''Nick Moon''': Any relation to Charles Fontaine?
:'''Delilah''': He's my father. 
:'''Nick Moon''': Let me stop you there. 
:'''Servo [as Nick Moon]''': Tony. 
:'''Nick Moon''': I don't do missing persons. 
:'''Delilah''': I think you'll find this particular case to be of interest. 
:'''Nick Moon''': Look lady, as much as I'd like to help you, I can't find your old man. It doesn't matter how many zeroes you put on the check. 
:'''Joel [as Nick Moon]''': Because Nick don't do math.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Delilah''': You really don't have to do this, Nick. I can get a hotel room. 
:'''Nick Moon''': I do this for all my clients. 
:'''Servo [as Delilah]''': Yes, I see them under your bed. 
:'''Nick Moon''': Well, you know. All my attractive, single clients.
:'''Crow [as Delilah]''': Oh, I get it. You're a pig!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Delilah''': What are you going to do?
:'''Servo [as Nick Moon]''': I just ate 14 dumplings. What do ''you'' think?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[during an interrogation of a vampire]''
:'''Nick Moon''': What's The Stranger planning?
:'''Joel''': ''Stranger Things''?
:'''Vampire''': Well, he has the dagger, so use your imagination. 
:'''Crow [as Nick Moon]''': Hmmm... dragons. 
:'''Vampire''': That's all I know. Now can I go?
:'''Servo [as Nick Moon]''': Sure, do you need your parking validated?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Delilah''': ''[after Nick startles her]'' I'm starting to see why you're single. 
:'''Crow [as Nick Moon]''': Pretty cool, huh?
:'''Nick Moon''': ''[surprised]'' ... Wow. 
:'''Servo''': Yeah, a real, live woman. 
:'''Crow, Servo, and Joel''': Pretty niiice!

=== [[w:Gamera vs. Jiger|Gamera vs. Jiger]] ===

:'''Bonesy''': Gamera? I could really go for some turtle meat. 

==== Gamera vs. Jiger (movie) ====

:''[during the opening credits montage]''
:'''Servo''': I guess we're watching Gamera's acting reel now?
:'''Crow''': Has Gamera been in other movies?
:'''Jonah''': Oh yeah, Gamera's been in a lot of movies. ''[[w:Gamera vs. Guiron|Gamera vs. Guiron]]'', ''[[w:Gamera vs. Gyaos|Gamera vs. Gyaos]]'', ''[[w:Gamera vs. Barugon|Gamera vs. Barugon]]'', ''[[w:The Bridges of Madison County (film)|Gamera vs. The Bridges of Madison County]]'', and ''[[w:Kramer vs. Kramer|Gamera vs. Kramer vs. Kramer]]''.
:'''Crow''': Wow, I didn't realize that Gamera was such a versatile performer.
:'''Jonah''': Oh, totally. 
:'''Servo''': Yeah, he's like the Meryl Streep of giant turtle actors.  He's not afraid to do intimate character work.
:'''Jonah''': Yeah, that's what I like about him. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Hiroshi''': ''[about a miniature submarine]'' Will it really dive, or is this model a toy?
:'''Hiroshi's Father''': No, it's a real miniature submarine. But the trouble is, it's too real, and goes too far down. 
:'''Servo [as Hiroshi's Father]:''' Like my serotonin. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jonah''': Gamera is like the original fidget spinner. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[after Jiger shoots Gamera with darts]''
:'''Crow''': Jiger's all like, &quot;Why don't we put a pin in this?&quot;
:''[Jiger charges Gamera and rams him]''
:'''Jonah''': [[w:Pokemon|Jiger uses dash! It's super effective]]!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[a ship's doctor takes a drink of liquor]''
:'''Servo''': Second opinion from Dr. Jim Bean.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as the statue is unloaded]''
:'''Hiroshi''': They'll unload it. 
:'''Susan''': ''[in a heavy hard to understand accent]'' These men should teach you a lesson. They're not afraid if some old curse gets them. 
:'''Crow''': If anyone needs subtitles in this movie, it's ''her''.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Servo''': Let's call this monster [[w:Axl Rose|Axl Rose]], because he's got an [[w: Appetite for Destruction|appetite for destruction]].

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as the Gamera theme plays]''
:'''Servo, Crow, and Jonah''': ''[singing]'' Gamera flies like a plane! He likes pleasure mixed with pain! Never kink shame Gamera!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Gamera is wounded and beaten by Jiger, and Gamera slowly retreats]''
:'''Crow [as Gamera]''': ''[singing]'' It's not just my arm that is bleeding / It's part of my neck meat as well / But it's mainly my ego that's bleeding / Why must I come out of my shell? 
:'''Jonah [as Gamera]''': ''[singing]'' Sure, everyone knows me as Gamera / The turtle the kids all adore / But if I get stabbed by a Jiger / Will they even like me anymore?
:'''Servo [as Gamera]''': ''[singing]'' For the love of the children is fickle / You have it, then it disappears / They'll love you, and leave you tomorrow / As soon as the city smoke disappears. 
:'''Crow [as Gamera]''': ''[singing]'' You'd say Gamera, sure he's got everything / The power, flight, looks, and fame / Then into town swims Kaiju come lately / They don't even remember my name.
:'''Jonah [as Gamera]''': ''[singing]'' Gamera's the friend of all children / Of that, the whole world can agree / Oh Gamera's friends with the children / But who gives their friendship to me?
:'''Servo [as Gamera]''': ''[singing]'' Sure, I've been singing a long time / I'm a ham with a long way to go / Because after all, I'm a turtle / And turtles do everything slow.
:'''Servo, Crow, and Jonah''': ''[singing]'' And turtles do everything slooow...

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Hiroshi and Tommy navigate the miniature submarine through Gamera's lungs]''
:'''Jonah''': This is the most stressful game of Operation ever played. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Hiroshi and Tommy venture out into Gamera's lung]''
:'''Jonah''': ''[singing]''  [[w:Pure Imagination|Come with me, and you'll see, a world of turtle respiration! Steal your dad's submarine, and attempt resuscitation.]]
:'''Hiroshi''': Tommy, I think this is it over here. Dr. Matsui, there's a small hole in his side. 
:'''Dr. Matsui''': A hole? Be very careful. 
:'''Servo''': [[#Eegah|Watch out for snakes]].

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as the Gamera theme plays and Gamera flies off with Jiger's dead body]''
:'''Servo, Crow, and Jonah''': ''[singing]'' Gamera take the body home! Gonna eat the flesh from bone! Keto diet Gamera!
:'''Crow''': Oh weird, they're being trailed by cans and a banner that says &quot;Just married&quot;.
:'''Servo, Crow, and Jonah''': ''[singing]'' Gamera's a movie that has no end in sight! No going home! This is now your life!

=== The Batwoman ===

==== The Batwoman (movie) ====

:''[as the Batwoman rides a horse through a Mexican village to a jazz melody]''
:'''Emily''': Wow, Gotham got hit hard by the recession. 
:'''Crow''': Spaghetti westerns only wish they were Sultry Jazz Westerns.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as reporters crowd Batwoman]''
:'''Emily''': Batwoman, when will you release your tax returns?
:'''Servo''': Batwoman, what's your position on pants? 
:'''Crow''': Is it true the [[w:Zack Snyder's Justice League|Snyder Cut]] of ''Batwoman'' has 25% more spearfishing?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Dr. Eric Williams''': You're about to witness the discovery of the century!
:'''Servo [as Williams]''': Stock footage!
:'''Dr. Williams''': From the depths of the ocean, over 400 million years ago,  surfaced the beginnings of the human race!
:'''Emily''': Is this a Scientology pitch?
:'''Dr. Williams''': And it all began with the first vertebrate, the fish! Starting from that point, we will make the regress into the dawn of evolution. 
:'''Crow''': Oh, edibles are hitting. 
:'''Dr. Williams''': And we will create a new being with the likeness of our ancestors: a human amphibious hybrid! ''[laughs maniacally]''
:'''Emily''': Oh, now I hate when comedians laugh at their own jokes.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Crow''': Well, Danny Elfman lost his job to an alarm clock. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Henchman''': ''[bringing Batwoman to Dr. Williams]'' Boss, look who we found! Get in here!
:''[Batwoman begins to fight the henchmen]''
:'''Crow''': Pow!
:'''Servo''': Biff!
:''[Dr. Williams grabs a scalpel and moves for Batwoman]''
:'''Emily''': Grab!
:'''Crow''': Lunge!
:''[Batwoman grabs a beaker of acid and throws it in Dr. Williams' face]''
:'''Servo''': Acid!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Servo''': ''Batwoman'', the movie that dares to say, &quot;We rented an underwater camera, and we're going to get every last peso out of it!&quot;

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[a car pulls out as a drum set plays the start of some upbeat music]''
:'''Servo''': I do ''not'' like the sound of that transmission. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[during a car chase scene involving henchmen and Batwoman]''
:'''Servo''': ''[singing to the chase music]'' Baaatwoman swerves. Baaatwoman drives. With Baaatwoman nerve, Baaatwoman jives!
:'''Emily''': See, this is why you've got to have a dashcam. 
:''[Batwoman honks her horn at the henchmen]''
:'''Crow''': Ah, yeah. Honk your horn. That'll show 'em.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Batwoman swims through a school of fish]''
:'''Emily''': I'm pretty sure she was in [[w:The Aquabats|the Aquabats]].
:'''Servo''': Well, she's in [[w:Phish|Phish]] now.
:'''Crow''': Clearly.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Batwoman is chased into an underwater patch of kelp]''
:'''Servo''': [[w:Help! (song)|Kelp! I need somebody...]]
:'''Emily''': Please no. Please no. 
:'''Servo''': [[w:With a Little Help from My Friends|I get by with a little kelp from my friends...]]
:'''Crow''': No no no, you really shouldn't. 
:'''Servo''': Sorry. I can't kelp myself. 
:'''Crow and Emily''': Uuugh!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Dr. Williams''': It'll be interesting to see if a woman can survive this kind of surgery and restore her pineal fluids without dying. Up to date, no man has been able to, but maybe the female gender is actually the most adequate to carry out this experiment for biological reasons.
:'''Mario''': You're insane, doctor!
:'''Dr. Williams''': You may be right, but as a matter of fact, there's an invisible line separating insanity and genius!
:'''Servo''': The [[w:Kanye West|Kanye]] line.

=== [[w:The Million Eyes of Sumuru|The Million Eyes of Sumuru]] ===

:'''Bonsey''': Oh, this one sounds familiar. 
:'''Ardy''': Shhhh...

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Servo''': ''[dressed as Sir Anthony]'' Well old chaps, let's go over this bally mission one last time, what what?
:'''Jonah''': Huh?
:'''Crow''': ''[dressed as Medika]'' It's simple. HMG and the CIA need you to get the VIP from the USA in his BMW to the HMV near the BBC with his DB at an ETA of 9:00 AM GMT.
:'''Jonah''': Huh?
:'''Crow''': Greenwich Mean Time!
:'''Servo''': Jolly good, and I've arranged for the VP of HMV to arrive in a GMC supplied by MI5 ASAP with a 4k HDTV tuned to HGTV with a soundtrack by the Bee Gees.
:'''Jonah''': Huh?!
:'''Crow''': Pay attention! This all has to go like clockwork!
:'''Servo''': Yes yes, the CW. So anyway, FYI...
:'''Jonah''': Oh, I know that one! For your information.
:'''Crow''': Don't be ridiculous! That's Federal Yellowdress Informant. She'll meet the BMW at the UN with the USMC, BTO, CCR, and UB40 while you ROTFL on AOL, then BRB so we can TTYL.
:'''Jonah''': Talk to you later. 
:'''Crow''': Correct!
:'''Jonah''': Ah! Then why'd you- oh you...
:'''Servo''': Precisely. Oklahoma University. So you see, the MC5 will approach the NSA VIP with their new CD on the QT, in the MI5 BMW at the VW and OMG, IRL, IMO, BTW, LOL, BRB. ABC NBC CBS AMC TNT CMA GMO ASPCA UCLA YMCA ICUP, OK?
:'''Crow''': Yeah, what do you say to that?
:'''Jonah''': Uh, OWGMS.
:'''Crow and Servo''': Huh?
:''[movie sign sounds]''
:'''Jonah''' Oh, we got movie sign!

==== The Million Eyes of Sumuru (movie) ====

:''[a bridge explodes as a funeral parade passes over it]''
:'''Crow''': It's a boy!
:'''Jonah''': Yay!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jonah [as spy]''': ''[as a female spy takes off her sunglasses and looks into the camera]'' Hello viewer, there were five mistakes in that scene. Can ''you'' name them all?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Medika''': ''[being wheeled away by a group of women]'' Mr. West!
:'''Nick West''': Hey, wait a minute!
:'''Crow [as a nurse]''': But we have to surgery. 
:''[Nick runs to the group of women as they turn to him with medical tools]''
:'''Jonah [as a nurse]''': Feet in the stirrups, come on buddy.
:'''Nick West''': Look ladies. My blue cross is all paid up. 
:''[a nun sneaks behind him and incapacitates him]''
:'''Servo [as nun]''': Sorry, but this is out of network. 
:'''Jonah [as nun]''': And then there were nun! ''[the nun slowly looks into the camera with an evil smile]'' Ha. Get it?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Sumuru is handed a gun]''
:'''Nick West''': What's that thing?
:'''Servo [as Sumuru]''': It's for mommy's headaches.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Servo''': Frankie Avalon's hair comes courtesy of Build-A-Bear Workshop.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Sumuru''': Erno, are his clothes packed?
:'''Erno''': Yes, my lady. 
:'''Nick West''': Oh dear, I hope you were careful with that blue suit. It creases so. 
:'''Crow [as Sumuru]''': Burn the suit. 
:'''Sumuru''': And take care of his bill. 
:'''Nick West''': Yes, I wouldn't like to have an unpaid hotel bill on my conscience. 
:'''Sumuru''': Keep joking, Mr. West. 
:'''Crow, Servo, and Jonah''': Please don't. 
:'''Sumuru''': You will be finished with jokes before the night is out. 
:'''Crow, Servo, and Jonah''': Us too.
:'''Nick West''': I was beginning to run out of material anyway. 
:'''Crow, Servo, and Jonah''': Agreed.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Helga undresses behind a curtain as a shirtless Tommy Carter sits with his back to it]''
:'''Crow [as Frankie Avalon]''': I don't get it. Why aren't I making out right now? I'm Frankie Avalon! Is the universe playing a joke on me? 
:...
:''[Helga comes out from behind the curtain, wrapped in a towel]''
:'''Crow''': Sham-wow!
:'''Tommy Carter''': Well, what'd you have in mind?
:'''Helga''': Well, to prove to you I have no concealed weapons... ''[reveals herself to Tommy Carter, who smiles]''
:'''Servo [as Frankie Avalon]''': It's about damn time. I'm Frankie Avalon! 
:''[Tommy Carter drops his pistol]''
:'''Jonah''': Bang!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Sumuru whips Nick West in a dungeon]''
:'''Servo''': Okay, if there are any kids watching, it's past your bedtimes.

=== [[w:H. G. Wells' The Shape of Things to Come|H.G. Wells' The Shape of Things to Come]] ===

==== H.G. Wells' The Shape of Things to Come (movie) ====

:''[a robot presses a big red &quot;cancel&quot; button]''
:'''Emily''': Meanwhile, at ''Netflix''...

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[shot of a computer screen giving various readings]''
:'''Servo [as an officer]''': It's called Twitter. It's gonna be ''great'' for the discourse.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Dr. John Caball dons a silver radiation suit]''
:'''Servo''': Chernobyl for a prom theme. What were they thinking?
:'''Crow [as Dr. Caball]''': Alright, you're gonna wanna cook me at 350 degrees for about 70 minutes, you'll know when I'm done when a fork easily pierces my skin. Load me up with butter and don't skimp on the chives. I'm a potato.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Dr. Caball gazes out into space]''
:'''Dr. Caball''': Well, we're on our way. Out there is the vastness of space... the unknown...
:'''Crow''': [[w:Monty Python and the Holy Grail|It's only a model.]]

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Kim Smedley''': Funny, I still think of myself as an Earth child. 
:'''Servo''': Emily, do you still think of yourself as an Earth child? 
:'''Emily''': Oh, I don't know. Ask me after I've been here for seven years. 
:'''Crow''': Uh, no human has ever lived here that long. Just ask the other guys. 
:'''Emily''': Wait, what?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Sparks''': ''[to Jason Caball]'' Let me lead the way. 
:'''Emily''': Aw, that's sweet. Would you guys ever escort me into a dangerous unknown situation?
:'''Servo''': Uh, I'd walk with you so I could better criticize your choices.
:'''Crow''': I'd let you walk in front of me so you could shield me from the worst of the shrapnel. 
:'''Servo''': And I'd definitely film the whole thing for [[w:WorldStarHipHop|WorldStarHipHop]].
:'''Crow and Servo''': WorldStar!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Emily''': Hey, what would you call an almost perfect ripoff of the [[w:USS Enterprise (NCC-1701)|USS ''Enterprise'']]?
:'''Servo''': The USS Compromise.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Omus tortures Dr. Caball with high pitched sound, causing him to scream and spasm]''
:'''Emily''': You know, I do the same thing when I can't get [[w:Baby Shark|&quot;Baby Shark&quot;]] out of my head either.

=== [[w:The Mask (1961 film)|The Mask]] ===

:'''Max''': Good evening, Jonah. Prepare yourselves for a night of thrills, chills, and since I'm making soup, very likely spills.
:'''Kinga''': Max, I told you to get Growler and M. Waverly to clear away those cobwebs! The Gizmoplex looks like the inside of Charles Addams' coffin.
:'''Max''': I just thought, because it's Halloween and all-
:'''Kinga''': You thought you'd be lazier than usual? Clean it up!
:'''Max''': Fine, but if the Great Pumpkin doesn't show up, I'm blaming you.
:'''Kinga''': Uh, there is no Great Pumpkin. Haven't you ever seen the end of [[w:It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown|the special]]?
:'''Max''': I never get that far, because it's too scary!

==== The Mask (movie) ====

:''[when the Warner Brothers logo appears]''
:'''Jonah''': Warner Brothers? Are we in the right theater?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jim Moran''': I've seen masks unearthed from the ruins of crumbling tombs and masks hanging in exotic temples to ward off evil spirits. 
:'''Jonah [as Jim Moran]''': And goofy ghosts.
:'''Jim Moran''': ''[beckons to a decorated skull shaped mask]''  But nowhere, in all my travels, have I seen anything to compare to the power of this mask...
:'''Crow''': The [[w:Misfits (band)|Misfits]] logo!
:'''Jim Moran''': ... and the horrible curse it bears. This is the mask in which our story revolves, and I can tell you that even though I'm not superstitious, I wouldn't put it on for all the wealth of the Indies.
:'''Jonah [as Jim Moran]''': Or a Klondike bar.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Dr. Allan Barnes''': Exactly what is this mask?
:'''Michael Radin''': ''[under duress]'' The mask is to blame. You're just not aware of its power. 
:'''GPC [as Michael]''': It's toxic mask-ulinity.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[dramatic chord as Michael commits suicide offscreen, and a Chinese themed bobblehead shakes its head]''
:'''Jonah''': For a bobblehead, you're really judgemental. And racist.
:'''Crow [as bobblehead]''': Aye-aye-aye-aye-aye...
:''[Mrs. Kelly knocks on the door]''
:'''Servo [as Mrs. Kelly]''': Michael? I heard low brass. Did something ominous just happen, Michael? ''[Mrs. Kelly opens the door]'' Michael where are- oh! ''[Mrs. Kelly screams in horror]''
:''[a shot of Michael's body under a cover, his hands in a rigid form]''
:'''Jonah''': He died doing what he loved: jazz hands.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Dr. Barnes puts the mask on, and enters a hellish demonic trance]''
:'''Crow, Servo, and Jonah''': [[w:Magic Carpet Ride (Steppenwolf song)|You don't know what we can find, why don't you come with me, Dr. Barnes, on a 3D carpet ride!]]
:'''Crow''': Is this what it feels like to chew 5 Gum?
:''[shot of a skull with its eyes]''
:'''Servo''': Ack ack! Ack ack ack!
:''[the skull dissolves leaving only the eyes, which zoom forward past the screen repeatedly]''
:'''Jonah''': Irises, pupils, and cataracts, oh my! Irises, pupils, and cataracts, oh my!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Pam Albright''': Allan, I want you to get help from someone. Someone you can trust.
:'''Crow [as Pam]''': Like Jake, from Statefarm.
:'''Dr. Barnes''': Trust? There's no one I can trust. 
:'''Servo [as Dr. Barnes]''': Not even Flo from Progressive.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jonah''': This movie is like a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, seen through the migraine-inducing idea of 3D glasses.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Dr. Barnes takes off the mask]''
:'''Crow''': Thank you for using Mask. Be sure not to operate heavy machinery after applying mask.
:'''Servo''': Do not combine Mask with alcohol or other masks.
:'''Jonah''': Mask is not responsible for any car chases or murders the operator commits. 
:'''Crow''': Side-effects include greasy face and crunchy pants. Ask your doctor about Mask today.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Pam Albright''': Do you have to take the drug again, Allan? Is it like an addiction that builds until every pore of your body craves for it? Breathes for it? Is that what you feel, Allan?
:''[Dr. Barnes covers his ears and leans against a bookshelf]''
:'''Crow [as Dr. Barnes]''': I can't hear you! I'm a book now!
:'''Pam Albright''': The need to satisfy the beast that's eating into you?
:'''Servo''': ''[singing]'' [[w:Snickers|There's a hunger inside you...]]
:'''Pam Albright''': And when you put it on again, what will it be like?
:'''Servo''': ''[singing]'' Won't go away...
:'''Pam Albright''': Like a shot, a jolt, a charge that cools your burning body?
:'''Crow''': It's grease lightning!
:'''Pam Albright''': Will it lift you up and carry you along until you're ready to be plunged down again? Deeper, deeper, each time deeper until you die?!
:'''Dr. Barnes''': Shut up, SHUT UP!
:'''Servo [as Dr. Barnes]''': You're killing me with this Word Jazz!
:'''Pam Albright''': Tell me I'm not right.
:'''Jonah [as Hank Hill]''': [[w:King of the Hill|That Pam ain't right.]]

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Pam Albright''': ''[on the phone]'' Police department, please. 
:'''Servo [as Pam]''': Yes, I'm white.

=== [[w:The Bubble (1966 film)|The Bubble]] ===

:'''Kinga''': Your experiment today, Joel, may possibly be one of the worst films we've ever presented. Sorry, not sorry.
:'''Joel''': Hey, how bad could it be? I had to riff ''Manos''.
:'''Kinga''': Ardy?
:'''Ardy''': Oh, this movie's upsetting on a profound existential level. I'd advise you to put a disclaimer on it ASAP if you're still intending to use it as part of the experiment. 
:'''Kinga''': So on a scale from ''Mitchell'' to ''Monsters-a-Go-Go'', where would you say this lands?
:'''Ardy''': Ah, well let me put it this way. We built the whole Kingachrome system around ''Manos: The Hands of Fate'' and even that didn't have the effect this movie's having on our facility.  This may just be the wolf mother of all bad movies. 
:'''Kinga''': You think you're so smart, Robinson. &quot;I had to watch ''Manos''. Da da da da da-&quot; HA! Face the cinematic claustrophobia that is ''The Bubble''. FLUSH THEM THE MOVIEEEEE!
:'''Ardy''': Movie in the hole!

==== The Bubble (movie) ====

:''[as Catherine enters labor]''
:'''Mark''': I don't know what to do. 
:'''Catherine''':  You're taking all this too seriously. After all now, what's childbirth? Just a sexy bellyache.
:'''Joel''': Is it?
:'''Catherine''': Oh God, this one's king-sized!
:'''Mark''': Honey, I'm sorry. 
:'''Crow''': It's too late for that. 
:'''Catherine''': What's there to be sorry about? I wanna hatch him out. I'm tired of being his big fat private incubator. 
:'''Mark''': Well, just hold on for a little while longer. We'll be out of this. This guy's a hell of a pilot. 
:'''Servo [as Mark]''': According to Craigslist. 
:'''Catherine''': Better be a hell of an obstetrician. 
:'''Mark''': No... just hold it in, please?
:'''Joel [as Mark]''': Yeah, there's gotta be a rest stop around here, somewhere.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Joel''': This opening sequence is a clickbait article just waiting to happen.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Catherine''': By the way, what happened to Mr. Airplane? You know, what's his name? Herric?
:'''Mark''': Tony Herric. He found himself a saloon, and a girl. I think I'm gonna join him. 
:'''Crow, Servo, and Joel''': What?!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Tony and Mark drive through the mysterious town]''
:'''Mark''': Never seen such mixed up architecture. It almost looks like the backside of a movie lot.
:'''Tony''': That's it! A movie lot, big deal.
:'''Mark''': Yeah, of course. 
:'''Crow [as Mark]''': That explains everything. 
:'''Mark''': The people in the costumes, the... the cables coming from underneath the lampposts...
:'''Servo [as Mark]''': This guy who keeps yelling at me to act better. 
:'''Mark''': But I don't see any- any cameras, Tony. 
:'''Tony''': Friend, all I want is the exit. 
:'''Joel [as Tony]''': One of these warp pipes should get us out of here.
:...
:'''Tony''': Ah, to hell with it, all I want's my plane. 
:'''Servo''': All I want's the end credits.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Servo''': You know, it just dawned on me. They're really having a tough time.
:'''Crow''': Yeah, this movie's helping me put my little problems into perspective. 
:'''Joel''': That's right, my little robot friends, no matter how bad your day is, you can always say &quot;At least I'm not in Arch Oboler's ''The Bubble''.&quot;
:'''Servo''': But, we are watching Arch Oboler's ''The Bubble'', and that's pretty bad. 
:'''Joel''': Yeah, I guess I'm sorry I tried to cheer us up.  This blows.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mark''': Look, isn't it about time?
:'''Servo''': Uh-oh...
:'''Mark''': That you face reality?
:'''Joel''': Oh, apt thing to say to a new mom. 
:'''Catherine''': Reality? What reality?
:'''Crow''': You're soaking in it. 
:'''Catherine''': That either I'm in some kind of a nightmare from which I can't want up, or if what you say is true, then... then I'm part of a human zoo. 
:'''Servo''': You make it sound so metal. 
:'''Catherine''': I'd rather be in that nightmare. 
:'''Joel''': This is why you talk about human zoos before you get married. 
:'''Mark''': In a zoo? Were we so free before? Was I, the nine to five routine year after year? 
:'''Catherine''': But Mark, to live like an animal under the eye of-
:'''Mark''': Since when haven't I been under an eye?
:'''Catherine''': As a child. 
:'''Mark''': As a child, hell, first, first there was school, then there was the army, then after the army, the job.
:'''Crow [as Mark]''': Then came army school.
:'''Mark''': When hadn't there been some kind of eye watching over me? Stop tearing yourself apart over a world that doesn't even exist anymore.
:'''Servo''': The end!
:'''Mark''': Be grateful for this one. Well what's the matter with this place?
:'''Crow [as Catherine]''': Dull.
:'''Mark''': The walk? Keeps out meanness and hate. 
:'''Joel''': And entertainment. 
:'''Mark''': Yeah, even the bomb.
:'''Crow''': Whoa, that's heavy. 
:'''Catherine''': They're walking dead!
:'''Mark''': Well, we're not they. We don't eat what they eat. Look, we know what we're doing. 
:'''Servo [as Mark]''': We're chill.
:'''Mark''': We can live out our lives here, Cath, and by ourselves in perfect health and perfect security. 
:'''Joel [as Mark]''': Thanks to ADT.
:'''Mark''': Well what's wrong with that?
:'''Catherine''': I... I look up there... and I think to myself...
:'''Crow [as Louis Armstrong]''': [[w: What a Wonderful World|What a bubbleful world!]]

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Mark walks along the bubble barrier in a daze]''
:'''Servo''': This is what I imagine it feels like to work for Amazon.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Crow''': It finally happened. I'm completely out of things to say! It's like riffing on the same movie over and over and over again! I CAN'T TAKE IT! ''THE BUBBLE'' IS REAL!!! AHHHHH! ''[runs out of the theater]''
:'''Servo and Joel''': Wonder what he wanted.

=== [[w:The Christmas Dragon|The Christmas Dragon]] ===

:'''Bonsey''': God help us, everyone. 
:'''Ardy''': Movie in the ho-ho-hole!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Crow''': So, now I'm totally confused about Christmas. 
:'''GPC 2''': Yeah, does this mean Rudolph can breathe fire?
:'''Servo''': And how does the magic crystal figure into the nativity story? Ugh, whoever interpreted the Dead Sea Scrolls really dropped the ball on this one.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jonah''': It feels like we're moving!
:'''Emily''': Well let's make it count boys, let's do the theme song!
:'''Jonah''': Which one? There's like 12.
:'''Joel''': Uh, I only know the lyrics to Mike's.

==== The Christmas Dragon (movie) ====

:''[Gazared and Boomtall approach Ayden's parents]''
:'''Gazared''': Taxes. 
:'''Ayden's Mother''': Do you steal from every person you collect, or just us? 
:'''Gazared''': Are you going to give me the payment, or do you need... persuading?
:'''Ayden's Father''': I'm not giving you anything. I shall deliver my payment to Lord Rothford himself.
:'''Gazared''': I don't think our lord visits many men in the dungeon. Arrest him!
:''[thugs draw swords and approach]''
:'''Crow [as a thug]''': Alright, certified public accountants, let's crunch some numbers!
:''[Ayden's Father punches a thug, starting a brief fight]''
:'''Crow, Servo, and Emily''': ''[singing]'' [[w:Wonderful Christmastime|Sim-ply ha-ving a wonderful Christmastime!]]
:'''Ayden''': ''[comes out of hiding]'' No!
:'''Servo [as Ayden]''': File an extension!
:'''Ayden's Father''': ''[stops the fight]'' Alright! Alright. Enough. 
:'''Emily [as Gazared]''': Really? You were winning. 
:'''Ayden's Father''': I'll get the money. 
:'''Crow [as Ayden's Father]''': We can Airbnb our hut.
:'''Ayden's Father''': Just don't hurt her. 
:'''Gazared''': I wouldn't dream of hurting her. Not when I can get such a fair price for another child in the mines. Get them in the wagon! ''[the struggle resumes]''
:'''Crow, Servo, and Emily''': ''[singing]'' Sim-ply ha-ving a wonderful Christmastime!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Fin''': Where's Garrett?
:'''Servo [as Ayden]''': He decided to leave us and join a family of giraffes with his long neck and all. ''[sobs]''

 &lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Rand baits a hook and tosses it in the river]''
:'''Ayden''': Good idea, Rand. You see? If we all work together, we can make it. 
:'''Joel [as Ayden]''': But not if we keep throwing all our food in the water. 
:'''Hoyt''': What do you think you're going to catch?
:'''Servo''': Lyme disease.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[a river monster rams and topples the boat and its occupants]''
:'''Crow, Servo, and Joel''': ''[singing]'' Sim-ply ha-ving a wonderful Christmastime!
:'''Crow''': Disney's Jungle Cruise claims another five souls.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Servo''': Drinking age, 21. Life expectancy, 16. So unfair.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Arik beckons for the orphans to keep quiet as they approach a dragon]''
:'''Servo [as Arik/Elmer Fudd]''': Be vewy vewy qwuiet. We don't have a permit to film here. Huhuhuh.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Ayden befriends the dragon]''
:'''Servo''': It's the look of Spielbergian awe you can only get by staring lovingly at a tennis ball taped to a stick on a Toronto sound stage.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Ayden''': ''[to the dragon]'' Stay off that wing. 
:'''Jonah [as the dragon]''': ''[the dragon nods]'' Alright, ''mom''.
:'''Ayden''': Even though it's healing fast, no flying. You need your rest. 
:'''Crow [as Ayden]''': And if DreamWorks lawyers come, we were never here. 
:'''Saerwen''': Don't worry...
:'''Servo [as Saerwen]''': I left money for pizza. 
:'''Saerwen''': You've created a sacred bond with her. You two will always be able to find one another. 
:'''Jonah''': Thanks to social media. 
:''[Arik approaches them]''
:'''Crow''': Third wheel alert. 
:'''Ayden''': We're going north. Catch up with us when you can. 
:'''Servo [as the dragon]''': I get it. You guys can't afford to put me in the next couple scenes, can you?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Arik and Saerwen kiss]''
:'''Jonah [as Arik]''': Come on, let's give these kids something to talk to their therapist about.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as the dragon is hooked to Father Christmas' sleigh]''
:'''Emily''': Oh man, guys look, they ''sleighed'' the dragon. 
:'''Joel''': Oh, that's neat. 
:'''Jonah''': Oh, come on, Emily...

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Father Christmas, the dragon, and the orphans dive at Gazared and her thugs]''
:'''Jonah [as Ayden]''': The spirit of the yuletide! Faster, Santa! KILL! KILL!
:''[Gazared and the thugs jump into a river]''
:'''Emily [as Father Christmas]''': Eat tinsel, bastards!
:'''Joel [as Father Christmas]''': Alright, now let's turn around and finish them off! We'll go after their families, and to all a goodnight! 
:'''Jonah, Emily, and Joel''': Ho ho ho!</text>
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    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3942562</id>
      <parentid>3942561</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-05-18T23:02:29Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>MTsocano</username>
        <id>3051402</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Beyond Atlantis */</comment>
      <origin>3942562</origin>
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| bgcolor=#80FFFF | [[#Santo in the Treasure of Dracula|&lt;span title=&quot;Santo in the Treasure of Dracula&quot;&gt;01&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#80FFFF | [[#Robot Wars|&lt;span title=&quot;Robot Wars&quot;&gt;02&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#80FFFF | [[#Beyond Atlantis|&lt;span title=&quot;Beyond Atlantis&quot;&gt;03&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#80FFFF | [[#Munchie|&lt;span title=&quot;Munchie&quot;&gt;04&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#80FFFF | [[#Doctor Mordrid|&lt;span title=&quot;Doctor Mordrid&quot;&gt;05&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#80FFFF | [[#Demon Squad|&lt;span title=&quot;Demon Squad&quot;&gt;06&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#80FFFF | [[#Gamera vs. Jiger|&lt;span title=&quot;#Gamera vs. Jiger&quot;&gt;07&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#80FFFF | [[#The Batwoman|&lt;span title=&quot;The Batwoman&quot;&gt;08&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#80FFFF | [[#The Million Eyes of Sumuru|&lt;span title=&quot;The Million Eyes of Sumuru&quot;&gt;09&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#80FFFF | [[#HG Wells’ The Shape of Things to Come|&lt;span title=&quot;HG Wells’ The Shape of Things to Come&quot;&gt;10&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#80FFFF | [[#The Mask 3D|&lt;span title=&quot;The Mask 3D&quot;&gt;11&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#80FFFF | [[#The Bubble|&lt;span title=&quot;The Bubble&quot;&gt;12&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#80FFFF | [[#The Christmas Dragon|&lt;span title=&quot;The Christmas Dragon&quot;&gt;13&lt;/span&gt;]]
|}

=== [[w:Santo en el tesoro de Drácula|Santo in the Treasure of Dracula]] ===
:'''Kinga Forrester''': For three decades, the Forrester family experiment has resided on a number of platforms. 
:'''Max''': ''[[w:Comedy Central|Comedy Central]]'', the ''[[w:SyFy|Sci-fi Channel]]'', ''[[w:Netflix|Netflix]]''...
:'''Kinga''' But my family thought too small. Why subject our home-grown experiment to the hands of thankless executives... when ''we'' could be the thankless executives??? Introducing, the Kinga-dome! Our premiere theater-
:'''Max''': Connected to the Gizmoplex!
:'''Kinga''': ... Our ''premiere theater!!!'' ... for all things ''Mystery Science Theater 3000''. A bright and shining beacon to the worst that cinema has to offer.

==== Santo in the Treasure of Dracula (movie) ====

:'''Tom Servo''': This is actually my favorite ''[[w:Castlevania|Castlevania]]'' sequel.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Voiceover''': ''[translating a sign]'' Dr. Cesar Sepulveda, nuclear physicist.
:'''Servo''': Thursdays on Telemundo.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jonah Heston''' ''[about Santo's silver wrestling mask]'' It's like a Hershey Kiss in a suit. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jonah''' Uh-oh, I think this contraption is powered by an Etch-a-Sketch.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Professor Van Roth''': How strange. This mirror reflects everything.
:'''Jonah''': Yes, it's a mirror.
:'''Van Roth''': Except you!
:'''Count Dracula''': Bastard! ''[shatters the mirror]''
:'''Servo''': Now you'll have seven years of bad suck- uh luck.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Dracula flees after being revealed by Van Roth]''
:'''Jonah [as Dracula]''': You fool, I've been me the whole time!
:'''Van Roth''': Mein Gott! ''[proceeds to cross his heart]''
:'''Servo''': Spectacles, testicles... testicles... testicles... 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Luisa''': That was an awful experience.
:'''Santo''': Calm down, it's already over. Get some rest. 
:'''Crow T. Robot [as Luisa]''': But I've slept most of the movie. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jonah''': Hey, you got your Spirit Halloween store in my Ed Wood movie. 
:'''Servo''': No, you got your Ed Wood movie in my Spirit Halloween store. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Crow''': Most of wrestling is just different types of hugs.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Servo''': So a booming soundtrack as the little girl walks around the house, but silence during a car chase. Okay.

=== [[w:Robot Wars (film)|Robot Wars]] ===

==== Robot Wars (movie) ====

:''[as the opening credits lists J. Downing]''
:'''Crow T. Robot''': I bet the J stands for &quot;just please don't use my full name&quot;.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[as a robot is shown onscreen]''
:'''Crow''': Papa, is that you???
:'''Jonah Heston''': Oh no, hey now Crow, easy. It's not. 
:...
:''[the robot is shown again]''
:'''Crow''': Papa, you wanna have a catch?
:'''Jonah''': Hey, it's not your dad, okay?
:'''Crow''': Jonah, you're not my REAL dad!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Tom Servo''': ''[after a model tank is destroyed]'' There goes the entire practical effect budget.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Drake''': Rooney, you must have grown up in old California with too much sun. Let me ask you a question. Was your daddy rich and your mama good looking?
:'''Rooney''': You're cruising for a court martial, buster boy.
:'''Servo [as Drake]''': That's buster ''bro''!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Rooney''': I hope he gets his balls shot off.
:'''Crow, Servo, and Jonah''': [[w:Battlestar Galactica (2003 series)|So say we all]].

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stumpy''': You know, we're robot men, Captain. What are we doing out here in a grit and grime where people can blow our ass away? We're supposed to be indestructible!
:'''Crow''': You know, like the ''Titanic'', or the seal industry, or Gamestop stocks, or Beanie Babies, or America's love for James Corden!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[during a laser gun fight]''
:'''Crow''': So who are we rooting for?
:'''Jonah''': Oh, whoever makes the kill shot that ends the movie. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''GPC''': ''[at the sight of a building labeled &quot;Oasis&quot;]'' Anyway, here's &quot;Wonderwall.&quot;

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Drake''' : Stumpy, get out of there, you're a sitting duck!
:'''Stumpy''': Just keep that override down!!!
:'''Crow''': Yeah, and maximize the wiffle hoofer, and triangular the single framler and coagulate the preflamer!!!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Crow''': And lo, did the white people flee into the desert, soon to create Scottsdale, Arizona.

=== [[w:Beyond Atlantis (film)|Beyond Atlantis]] ===

:'''Emily Connor''': Can't believe I'm really on the dark side of the moon. 
:'''Max''': Well, [[w:The Dark Side of the Moon|as a matter of fact, it's all dark]].

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Emily''': Well, the stimulator bots have already absorbed the behavior of Jonah's bots within seconds. 
:'''Servo''': And your point?
:'''Emily''': That's not gonna be problematic...
:'''Crow''': I'll tell you what's problematic, your soul's gonna get crushed within seconds!
:'''Emily''': I'm used to it,  I'm on Twitter. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Emily''': I guess we hosts have to stick together. 
:'''Jonah''': Actually, historically we hosts have never stuck together. Kind of a host-eat-host world. 
:'''Emily''': Oh really? 'Cause maybe working together you'd have been able to escape. I mean, how'd you do 20 of these experiments and never try outsmarting the Mads? I mean, I hate to use strong language but... they seem kind of dumb. 
:'''Jonah''': Yes, yes yes yes yes, good point! Perhaps with the proper cooperation, this forced vacation can be brought to a cessation!
:'''Emily''': Huh? Why are you talking in rhymes all of a sudden? 
:'''Jonah''': I will tell you later why I speak in rhyme, but unfortunately now, you've got-
:''[buzzer sounds]''
:'''Emily''': MOVIE SIGN!

==== Beyond Atlantis (movie) ====

:'''Servo''': My friend, [[w:Ja Rule|Ja Rule]] told me that [[w:Fyre Festival|Fyre Fest]] would be here. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[as a woman stands on East Eddie during his massage]''
:'''Emily''': Oh,  she can finally clean that fan. 
:'''East Eddie''': Feast your eyes on this. 
:'''Servo''': Anything to take our eyes off of that.
:'''Logan''': That's a Tuscarora!
:'''Crow''': No, that's a pearl. 
:'''Logan''': It's worth a thousand pesos, maybe more. Where'd you get it?
:'''Emily''': From a wet scared guy. 
:'''East Eddie''': Can you fence it?
:'''Logan''': Fence? Hell, it'll go like wildfire!  These are rare, I haven't seen one in years. 
:'''East Eddie''': There's a lot more where that came from. 
:'''Servo''': I got a guy shoving sand into oysters as we speak.
:'''East Eddie''': I'll supply, you deal, we'll split down the middle.
:'''Crow''': Splitting it? That's almost like half!
:'''Logan''': ''[shaking East Eddie's hand]'' Put 'er there, pard!
:'''Emily''': You got it, 'ner!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Logan''': Eddie, you got money, and I'm a diver. Now all we need's a boat and some good equipment. You can pick 'em up for a song. Just give me a small advance, I can have us moving in a couple of days. 
:'''Emily''': Uh, is she washing him with a chicken cutlet?
:'''East Eddie''': Listen, I know where you're coming from, and the idea's out of sight, but I want Vic Mathias in on this. He's an expert diver, he has his own boat, and he knows the islands like the back of his hand. 
:'''Logan''': It's no good, it won't work. If we bring him in, we've got to make it a three-way scene. 
:'''East Eddie''': So we'll split it three ways!
:'''Emily [as Logan]''': Ugh, but we're a dynamic duo, not a terrific trio!
:'''Logan''': No, we don't need him!
:'''East Eddie''': I want him! He'll keep us honest. 
:'''Crow [as East Eddie]''': What are we, crooks?
:'''Logan''': Eddie, believe me, I know the region better than Mathias. I lived on the islands for five years, I've covered every inch of 'em. We can do it alone! Just tell me where you found them. It's probably an island I used to live on. 
:''[East Eddie laughs hard]''
:'''Servo [as East Eddie]''': ''[hysterical]'' You can't live on an ''island''! It's surrounded by ''WATER''! How would you even get there??? HA HA HA!!!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Servo [as Logan]''': Wait a minute, how am I sitting across from me?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Emily''': ''[when an armed guard does nothing in regards to a nearby fight]'' Really low AI on the NPCs in this game. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''East Eddie''': I'm speaking to him in a dialect he can't refuse to understand!
:'''Emily''': Esperanto. 
:'''East Eddie''': The truth!
:'''Crow''': Is East Eddie the bad guy???
:'''East Eddie''': And you talk to me in English!
:'''Servo''': That's why American tourists are beloved the world over. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Nereus''': Only hurt and destruction can come from the feelings within you. It is your destiny to mate with an outsider, not to love him. 
:'''Crow''': Island Tinder. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Vic Mathias''': ''[to Syrene]'' I don't love you. 
:'''Emily [as Syrene]''': Okay, Syrene, play it cool. Don't let him know he's hurt you...
:''[Syrene runs out of the hut]''
:'''Crow''': She really runs like a mermaid. 
:''[Mathias slowly exits his hut to watch her run off]''
:'''Servo [as Mathias]''': [[w: Willy Wonka &amp; the Chocolate Factory|Wait. Stop. Come back]].

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Syrene''': There is still another place. 
:'''Emily''': Where the watermelons grow?
:'''Logan''': You've been holding out. 
:'''Syrene''': It's very deep. 
:'''Logan''': Yeah, but it's got pearls in it, right?
:'''Syrene''': According to the lore of my people, the Rizion Channel has hundreds upon hundreds of pearls.
:'''Crow''': Boring mythology, but okay. 
:'''Logan''': You've seen them?
:'''Syrene''': No, but others in my village have.
:'''Emily [as Syrene]''': And the fish down there? ''Totally'' naked. 
:'''Logan''': What are we waiting for?
:'''Servo [as Syrene]''': You mean, &quot;For what are we waiting?&quot;
:'''Syrene''': It's very dangerous. 
:'''Logan''' You only live once. 
:'''Emily''': Logan invented YOLO? Take that, Drake.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Crow''': This movie is just a series of nice landscapes ruined by weird people.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[as the villagers carry Syrene's casket boat into the ocean]''
:'''Emily''': To be fair, this movie makes me want to walk into the ocean, too.
:...
:'''Emily''': I don't think some of these extras were prepared for how deep this was gonna get. 
:'''Servo''': No one was. 
:'''Crow''': Ariel's burial.

=== [[w:Munchie|Munchie]] ===

==== Munchie (movie) ====

:''[as Gage begins daydreaming about an awards ceremony in class]''
:'''Jonah''': Ladies and gentlemen, it's the Fracties! The night where fractions come out to shine.
:'''Male Announcer''': It's my honor to read the name of the student whom you have chosen as your next student body president. ''[is given an envelope]'' Envelope please, thank you. ''[gives it to the woman next to him]''
:'''Crow [as the announcer]''': I can't read.
:'''Female Announcer''': And the winner is...
:'''GPC''': [[w:La La Land|La La Land]]! [[w:List of accolades received by La La Land|Oh, not again]]...
:'''Female Announcer''': Gage Dobson!
:''[the students cheer and applaud]''
:'''Servo [as voiceover announcer]''': This is Gage Dobson's first win after being nominated for such daydreams as ''What If I Were a Robot With a Sword For an Arm?'' and ''Naked Book Report II''.
:''[as Gage accepts a trophy]''
:'''Jonah''': Okay, and cue the [[w:Carrie (1976 film)|bucket of pigs blood]].
:''[Mrs. Blaylok suddenly appears by Gage]''
:'''Crow [as Blaylok/[[w:Kanye West|Kanye West]]]''': [[w:2009 MTV Video Music Awards|I'mma let you finish...]]

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mrs. Blaylok''': The problem on the board, how can we arrive at a sum?
:'''Jonah''': [[w:All Star (song)|BODY once told me the world is gonna Munchie]]!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Gage Dobson''': Do you think you'll ever get this Jeep running? 
:'''Professor Cruikshank''': This bucket of bolts? Of course I will! Then I'll have to think of something to do with these hands. 
:'''Crow''': Don't, you'll go blind!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Dobson''': Hey, where are you gonna sleep tonight?
:'''Munchie''': Pal, any place is an improvement over that box. Actually, I was sort of hoping I could bunk down with you. 
:'''Crow, Servo, and Jonah''': Ew.
:'''Dobson''': You're gonna have to make your own bed though. 
:'''Munchie''': Don't worry about me, Pal. Hammer, nails, I come prepared.
:'''Jonah''': [[w: Pontius Pilate| Pontius Pilate]] sends his regards. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Munchie sits at a computer, and the puppet clumsily types on the keyboard]''
:'''Munchie''': Okay, let's go. Let's see what kind of grades this kid's got. 
:'''Jonah''': He just spelled &quot;jkfghfgl.&quot;

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Leon Daggett''': ''[dazed]'' I... am gonna kill... you. 
:'''Crow [as Leon]''': Once... I deal... with this brain hem...o...rrhage.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[after Gage punches Leon out cold into a laundry cart]''
:'''Servo [as Gage]''': Violence ''is'' the answer!
:''[shot of Leon in a dazed state as the laundry cart rolls into the showers]''
:'''Jonah''': Wasn't football gonna do that anyway? I mean...
:'''Servo [as Gage]''': You just got en-Gaged! No wait, that's not it... something with Gage.
:''[several other classmates cheer for Gage]''
:'''Jonah''': Gage's understudies.
:'''Gym Teacher''': Alright, break it up. Head for class. Gage, we gotta talk!
:'''Crow [as Gym Teacher]''': You're guilty of manslaughter, bud!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Elliot''': This is the most important thing I've ever asked anyone in my life.
:'''Crow [as Elliot]''': Can you get me out of this movie?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Munchie''': Gage, you should never ask for anything unless you really want it. 
:'''Dobson''': I know. 
:'''Crow''': Is that what the puppet team said to the concept artist for this movie?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Cathy''': ''[interrupting the party]'' Gaaage!
:'''Servo''': [[w:Garfield|Garfield!]]
:'''Jonah''': [[w: Dennis the Menace (U.S. comics|Dennis!]]
:'''Crow''': [[Malcolm in the Middle|Malcolm!]]
:'''Servo''': [[w:Alvin and the Chipmunks|ALLLVIIIN!!!]]

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jonah''': It's comforting to see Munchie in a body bag.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as the faces of the characters show during the closing credits]''
:'''Jonah''': Cathy was sentenced to twelve years in prison for fraudulent catering charges on Elliot's missing credit card. 
:'''Crow''': Elliot died on the prison farm and was vivisected by the other inmates. No charges have been filed. 
:'''Servo''': Professor Cruikshank was arrested for hijacking and held indefinitely in Guantanamo Bay. He does not expect a trial. 
:''[as Gage is shown]''
:'''Jonah''': Hang on, main character, but fourth billed? Ouch.

=== [[w:Doctor Mordrid|Doctor Mordrid]] ===

==== Doctor Mordrid (movie) ====

:'''Emily''': ''[during a long panning shot of Mordrid's room during the title sequence]'' I think the camera operator might just be lost.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[during an establishing shot of [[w:Rio de Janiro| Rio de Janiro]] and the [[w: Christ the Redeemer (statue)|Christ the Redeemer statue]]]''
:'''Crow''' For God so loved the world ''thiiis'' much.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Kabal''': ''[pouring out a thick liquid onto the ground]'' Beyond the barrier of heaven and earth, let it go free into a closed dwelling. May it cause it to enter. 
:'''Emily''': The world has never seen such evil caramel. 
:'''Kabal''': Primum materialis...
:'''GPC 2''': Lorem ipsum!
:'''Kabal''': Release this blood of the earth. May it find its place with the philosopher's stone. 
:'''Emily''' Now in America, that's [[w:Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone|sorcerer's stone]].

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Samantha Hunt''': Oh listen, I was curious about-
:''[Dr. Mordrid uses his medallion to freeze time and vanish]''
:'''Servo''': Dr. Mordrid, sorcerer supreme, uses his incredible powers to escape awkward small talk. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Mordrid opens a chest and begins browsing through scrolls]''
:'''Servo [as Mordrid]''' Let's see, [[w:Dead Sea Scrolls|Dead Sea Scrolls]], exalted scrolls, [[w:The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion|Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion]], yes!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Samantha tries to open Mordrid's door, only to be burned by the doorknob]''
:'''Servo''': [[w:The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring|One does not simply walk into Mordrid's]].

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[during an interrogation]''
:'''Mordrid''': I have to tell you something. 
:'''Emily [as Mordrid]''': I'm pregnant. 
:'''Mordrid''': ''Show'' you something, so that you'll comprehend the magnitude of why I cannot be held here any longer. 
:'''Servo [as Mordrid]''': Through the medium of dance. 
:'''Samantha''': Everything we say is being recorded. 
:'''Emily [as Samantha]''': We're live on [[w:Twitch (service)|Twitch]]. Thanks to Donkey Dan for the three month sub. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Adrian''': Oh look dude, the master protects me from your puny weapons! You ain't got- ''[Gaudio shoots him in the leg]''
:'''Emily [as Adrian]''': My jelly pants!
:'''Adrian''': IT HURTS!
:'''Gaudio''': Call him an ambulance. 
:'''Crow [as police officer]''': You're an ambulance, sir.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Crow''': I can't believe ''Dr. Mordrid'' was a Christmas movie the whole time!
:'''Emily''': Well, okay, but it wasn't though.
:'''Servo''': But there was a Christmas tree in it. 
:'''Emily''': Well a Christmas tree doesn't make it a Christmas movie. ''101 Dalmatians'' has a Christmas tree in it. 
:'''Crow''': Well, what if it takes place on Christmas, ''and'' has a Christmas tree in it?
:'''Servo''': Like ''Die Hard''.
:'''Emily''': Okay, it doesn't matter. Look at the release date. ''Die Hard'' came out July 15th, 1988. It's a summer blockbuster, not a Christmas movie. 
:'''Servo''': How do you know when ''Die Hard'' came out?
:'''Emily''': I have this discussion a lot. 
:'''Crow''': So if it came out at any point other than the Christmas season, it's not a Christmas movie?
:'''Emily''': That's right. 
:'''Servo''': What about ''Nightmare Before Christmas''?
:'''Emily''': Well, released October 13th, obviously a Halloween movie. 
:'''Crow''': ''Elf''?
:'''Emily''': Well, released November 7th, an early Thanksgiving parable about found families and sugar consumption. 
:'''Servo''': ''It's a Wonderful Life''?
:'''Emily''': While, actually released on January 7th, it's a New Year's morality play about the evils of forgetfulness. 
:'''Servo''': So according to Newton's third law of motion, ''any'' movie that comes out in the Christmas season is a Christmas movie?
:'''Emily''': Me and Newton are on the same page there. 
:'''Crow''': Then ''Titanic'' is a Christmas movie!
:'''Emily''': Yep. And I'll die on this hill, and if the hill comes out in late December, I'll call it a Christmas hill.

=== [[w:Demon Squad|Demon Squad]] ===

:'''Joel''': Hey, Dr. Erhardt, I haven't seen you in several millenia. How's the mad biz treating you? 
:'''Dr. Erhardt''': Oh, you know,  Joel. It ebbs and flows. More of a hobby at this point. 
:'''Joel''': I gotcha. Really glad to hear your voice caught up with you too. That shrill nagging tone you always had was really grating on the ears. 
:'''Dr. Erhardt''': ''[shrill-voiced]'' It's a hormonal disorder, you little piece of sh-
:'''Kinga''': GENTLEMEN!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Bonsey''': Wait... who was that guy again?
:'''Ardy''': I'll tell you later. Movie in the hole!

==== Demon Squad (movie) ====

:'''Daisy O'Reilly''': ...I am about to use this thing for scrap. We need something that'll stay on more than ten minutes at a time. 
:'''Nick Moon''': Those things still cost money, right?
:'''Daisy''': Thing's older than I am. 
:'''Nick Moon''': Still works harder. 
:'''Crow''': Says the drunk guy. 
:'''Daisy''': As I keep saying, I would happily work hard at the job I ''thought'' I was hired for. 
:'''Servo [as Nick Noon]''': Well I ''thought'' I needed a jaded barista. 
:'''Nick Moon''': We settled this. You're lucky I even hired you. 
:'''Daisy''': It helped that I was the only applicant. 
:'''Joel''': Ooh, another LinkedIn success story. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Nick Moon''': Now what can I do for you miss...
:'''Delilah Fontaine''': Fontaine. Delilah Fontaine. 
:'''Nick Moon''': Miss Fontaine. 
:'''Delilah''': Call me Lilah.
:'''Servo [as Nick Moon]''': So, Karen...
:'''Joel [as Nick Moon]''': Leslie...
:'''Crow [as Nick Moon]''': Sandy...
:'''Nick Moon''': Any relation to Charles Fontaine?
:'''Delilah''': He's my father. 
:'''Nick Moon''': Let me stop you there. 
:'''Servo [as Nick Moon]''': Tony. 
:'''Nick Moon''': I don't do missing persons. 
:'''Delilah''': I think you'll find this particular case to be of interest. 
:'''Nick Moon''': Look lady, as much as I'd like to help you, I can't find your old man. It doesn't matter how many zeroes you put on the check. 
:'''Joel [as Nick Moon]''': Because Nick don't do math.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Delilah''': You really don't have to do this, Nick. I can get a hotel room. 
:'''Nick Moon''': I do this for all my clients. 
:'''Servo [as Delilah]''': Yes, I see them under your bed. 
:'''Nick Moon''': Well, you know. All my attractive, single clients.
:'''Crow [as Delilah]''': Oh, I get it. You're a pig!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Delilah''': What are you going to do?
:'''Servo [as Nick Moon]''': I just ate 14 dumplings. What do ''you'' think?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[during an interrogation of a vampire]''
:'''Nick Moon''': What's The Stranger planning?
:'''Joel''': ''Stranger Things''?
:'''Vampire''': Well, he has the dagger, so use your imagination. 
:'''Crow [as Nick Moon]''': Hmmm... dragons. 
:'''Vampire''': That's all I know. Now can I go?
:'''Servo [as Nick Moon]''': Sure, do you need your parking validated?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Delilah''': ''[after Nick startles her]'' I'm starting to see why you're single. 
:'''Crow [as Nick Moon]''': Pretty cool, huh?
:'''Nick Moon''': ''[surprised]'' ... Wow. 
:'''Servo''': Yeah, a real, live woman. 
:'''Crow, Servo, and Joel''': Pretty niiice!

=== [[w:Gamera vs. Jiger|Gamera vs. Jiger]] ===

:'''Bonesy''': Gamera? I could really go for some turtle meat. 

==== Gamera vs. Jiger (movie) ====

:''[during the opening credits montage]''
:'''Servo''': I guess we're watching Gamera's acting reel now?
:'''Crow''': Has Gamera been in other movies?
:'''Jonah''': Oh yeah, Gamera's been in a lot of movies. ''[[w:Gamera vs. Guiron|Gamera vs. Guiron]]'', ''[[w:Gamera vs. Gyaos|Gamera vs. Gyaos]]'', ''[[w:Gamera vs. Barugon|Gamera vs. Barugon]]'', ''[[w:The Bridges of Madison County (film)|Gamera vs. The Bridges of Madison County]]'', and ''[[w:Kramer vs. Kramer|Gamera vs. Kramer vs. Kramer]]''.
:'''Crow''': Wow, I didn't realize that Gamera was such a versatile performer.
:'''Jonah''': Oh, totally. 
:'''Servo''': Yeah, he's like the Meryl Streep of giant turtle actors.  He's not afraid to do intimate character work.
:'''Jonah''': Yeah, that's what I like about him. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Hiroshi''': ''[about a miniature submarine]'' Will it really dive, or is this model a toy?
:'''Hiroshi's Father''': No, it's a real miniature submarine. But the trouble is, it's too real, and goes too far down. 
:'''Servo [as Hiroshi's Father]:''' Like my serotonin. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jonah''': Gamera is like the original fidget spinner. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[after Jiger shoots Gamera with darts]''
:'''Crow''': Jiger's all like, &quot;Why don't we put a pin in this?&quot;
:''[Jiger charges Gamera and rams him]''
:'''Jonah''': [[w:Pokemon|Jiger uses dash! It's super effective]]!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[a ship's doctor takes a drink of liquor]''
:'''Servo''': Second opinion from Dr. Jim Bean.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as the statue is unloaded]''
:'''Hiroshi''': They'll unload it. 
:'''Susan''': ''[in a heavy hard to understand accent]'' These men should teach you a lesson. They're not afraid if some old curse gets them. 
:'''Crow''': If anyone needs subtitles in this movie, it's ''her''.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Servo''': Let's call this monster [[w:Axl Rose|Axl Rose]], because he's got an [[w: Appetite for Destruction|appetite for destruction]].

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as the Gamera theme plays]''
:'''Servo, Crow, and Jonah''': ''[singing]'' Gamera flies like a plane! He likes pleasure mixed with pain! Never kink shame Gamera!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Gamera is wounded and beaten by Jiger, and Gamera slowly retreats]''
:'''Crow [as Gamera]''': ''[singing]'' It's not just my arm that is bleeding / It's part of my neck meat as well / But it's mainly my ego that's bleeding / Why must I come out of my shell? 
:'''Jonah [as Gamera]''': ''[singing]'' Sure, everyone knows me as Gamera / The turtle the kids all adore / But if I get stabbed by a Jiger / Will they even like me anymore?
:'''Servo [as Gamera]''': ''[singing]'' For the love of the children is fickle / You have it, then it disappears / They'll love you, and leave you tomorrow / As soon as the city smoke disappears. 
:'''Crow [as Gamera]''': ''[singing]'' You'd say Gamera, sure he's got everything / The power, flight, looks, and fame / Then into town swims Kaiju come lately / They don't even remember my name.
:'''Jonah [as Gamera]''': ''[singing]'' Gamera's the friend of all children / Of that, the whole world can agree / Oh Gamera's friends with the children / But who gives their friendship to me?
:'''Servo [as Gamera]''': ''[singing]'' Sure, I've been singing a long time / I'm a ham with a long way to go / Because after all, I'm a turtle / And turtles do everything slow.
:'''Servo, Crow, and Jonah''': ''[singing]'' And turtles do everything slooow...

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Hiroshi and Tommy navigate the miniature submarine through Gamera's lungs]''
:'''Jonah''': This is the most stressful game of Operation ever played. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Hiroshi and Tommy venture out into Gamera's lung]''
:'''Jonah''': ''[singing]''  [[w:Pure Imagination|Come with me, and you'll see, a world of turtle respiration! Steal your dad's submarine, and attempt resuscitation.]]
:'''Hiroshi''': Tommy, I think this is it over here. Dr. Matsui, there's a small hole in his side. 
:'''Dr. Matsui''': A hole? Be very careful. 
:'''Servo''': [[#Eegah|Watch out for snakes]].

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as the Gamera theme plays and Gamera flies off with Jiger's dead body]''
:'''Servo, Crow, and Jonah''': ''[singing]'' Gamera take the body home! Gonna eat the flesh from bone! Keto diet Gamera!
:'''Crow''': Oh weird, they're being trailed by cans and a banner that says &quot;Just married&quot;.
:'''Servo, Crow, and Jonah''': ''[singing]'' Gamera's a movie that has no end in sight! No going home! This is now your life!

=== The Batwoman ===

==== The Batwoman (movie) ====

:''[as the Batwoman rides a horse through a Mexican village to a jazz melody]''
:'''Emily''': Wow, Gotham got hit hard by the recession. 
:'''Crow''': Spaghetti westerns only wish they were Sultry Jazz Westerns.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as reporters crowd Batwoman]''
:'''Emily''': Batwoman, when will you release your tax returns?
:'''Servo''': Batwoman, what's your position on pants? 
:'''Crow''': Is it true the [[w:Zack Snyder's Justice League|Snyder Cut]] of ''Batwoman'' has 25% more spearfishing?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Dr. Eric Williams''': You're about to witness the discovery of the century!
:'''Servo [as Williams]''': Stock footage!
:'''Dr. Williams''': From the depths of the ocean, over 400 million years ago,  surfaced the beginnings of the human race!
:'''Emily''': Is this a Scientology pitch?
:'''Dr. Williams''': And it all began with the first vertebrate, the fish! Starting from that point, we will make the regress into the dawn of evolution. 
:'''Crow''': Oh, edibles are hitting. 
:'''Dr. Williams''': And we will create a new being with the likeness of our ancestors: a human amphibious hybrid! ''[laughs maniacally]''
:'''Emily''': Oh, now I hate when comedians laugh at their own jokes.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Crow''': Well, Danny Elfman lost his job to an alarm clock. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Henchman''': ''[bringing Batwoman to Dr. Williams]'' Boss, look who we found! Get in here!
:''[Batwoman begins to fight the henchmen]''
:'''Crow''': Pow!
:'''Servo''': Biff!
:''[Dr. Williams grabs a scalpel and moves for Batwoman]''
:'''Emily''': Grab!
:'''Crow''': Lunge!
:''[Batwoman grabs a beaker of acid and throws it in Dr. Williams' face]''
:'''Servo''': Acid!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Servo''': ''Batwoman'', the movie that dares to say, &quot;We rented an underwater camera, and we're going to get every last peso out of it!&quot;

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[a car pulls out as a drum set plays the start of some upbeat music]''
:'''Servo''': I do ''not'' like the sound of that transmission. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[during a car chase scene involving henchmen and Batwoman]''
:'''Servo''': ''[singing to the chase music]'' Baaatwoman swerves. Baaatwoman drives. With Baaatwoman nerve, Baaatwoman jives!
:'''Emily''': See, this is why you've got to have a dashcam. 
:''[Batwoman honks her horn at the henchmen]''
:'''Crow''': Ah, yeah. Honk your horn. That'll show 'em.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Batwoman swims through a school of fish]''
:'''Emily''': I'm pretty sure she was in [[w:The Aquabats|the Aquabats]].
:'''Servo''': Well, she's in [[w:Phish|Phish]] now.
:'''Crow''': Clearly.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Batwoman is chased into an underwater patch of kelp]''
:'''Servo''': [[w:Help! (song)|Kelp! I need somebody...]]
:'''Emily''': Please no. Please no. 
:'''Servo''': [[w:With a Little Help from My Friends|I get by with a little kelp from my friends...]]
:'''Crow''': No no no, you really shouldn't. 
:'''Servo''': Sorry. I can't kelp myself. 
:'''Crow and Emily''': Uuugh!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Dr. Williams''': It'll be interesting to see if a woman can survive this kind of surgery and restore her pineal fluids without dying. Up to date, no man has been able to, but maybe the female gender is actually the most adequate to carry out this experiment for biological reasons.
:'''Mario''': You're insane, doctor!
:'''Dr. Williams''': You may be right, but as a matter of fact, there's an invisible line separating insanity and genius!
:'''Servo''': The [[w:Kanye West|Kanye]] line.

=== [[w:The Million Eyes of Sumuru|The Million Eyes of Sumuru]] ===

:'''Bonsey''': Oh, this one sounds familiar. 
:'''Ardy''': Shhhh...

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Servo''': ''[dressed as Sir Anthony]'' Well old chaps, let's go over this bally mission one last time, what what?
:'''Jonah''': Huh?
:'''Crow''': ''[dressed as Medika]'' It's simple. HMG and the CIA need you to get the VIP from the USA in his BMW to the HMV near the BBC with his DB at an ETA of 9:00 AM GMT.
:'''Jonah''': Huh?
:'''Crow''': Greenwich Mean Time!
:'''Servo''': Jolly good, and I've arranged for the VP of HMV to arrive in a GMC supplied by MI5 ASAP with a 4k HDTV tuned to HGTV with a soundtrack by the Bee Gees.
:'''Jonah''': Huh?!
:'''Crow''': Pay attention! This all has to go like clockwork!
:'''Servo''': Yes yes, the CW. So anyway, FYI...
:'''Jonah''': Oh, I know that one! For your information.
:'''Crow''': Don't be ridiculous! That's Federal Yellowdress Informant. She'll meet the BMW at the UN with the USMC, BTO, CCR, and UB40 while you ROTFL on AOL, then BRB so we can TTYL.
:'''Jonah''': Talk to you later. 
:'''Crow''': Correct!
:'''Jonah''': Ah! Then why'd you- oh you...
:'''Servo''': Precisely. Oklahoma University. So you see, the MC5 will approach the NSA VIP with their new CD on the QT, in the MI5 BMW at the VW and OMG, IRL, IMO, BTW, LOL, BRB. ABC NBC CBS AMC TNT CMA GMO ASPCA UCLA YMCA ICUP, OK?
:'''Crow''': Yeah, what do you say to that?
:'''Jonah''': Uh, OWGMS.
:'''Crow and Servo''': Huh?
:''[movie sign sounds]''
:'''Jonah''' Oh, we got movie sign!

==== The Million Eyes of Sumuru (movie) ====

:''[a bridge explodes as a funeral parade passes over it]''
:'''Crow''': It's a boy!
:'''Jonah''': Yay!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jonah [as spy]''': ''[as a female spy takes off her sunglasses and looks into the camera]'' Hello viewer, there were five mistakes in that scene. Can ''you'' name them all?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Medika''': ''[being wheeled away by a group of women]'' Mr. West!
:'''Nick West''': Hey, wait a minute!
:'''Crow [as a nurse]''': But we have to surgery. 
:''[Nick runs to the group of women as they turn to him with medical tools]''
:'''Jonah [as a nurse]''': Feet in the stirrups, come on buddy.
:'''Nick West''': Look ladies. My blue cross is all paid up. 
:''[a nun sneaks behind him and incapacitates him]''
:'''Servo [as nun]''': Sorry, but this is out of network. 
:'''Jonah [as nun]''': And then there were nun! ''[the nun slowly looks into the camera with an evil smile]'' Ha. Get it?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Sumuru is handed a gun]''
:'''Nick West''': What's that thing?
:'''Servo [as Sumuru]''': It's for mommy's headaches.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Servo''': Frankie Avalon's hair comes courtesy of Build-A-Bear Workshop.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Sumuru''': Erno, are his clothes packed?
:'''Erno''': Yes, my lady. 
:'''Nick West''': Oh dear, I hope you were careful with that blue suit. It creases so. 
:'''Crow [as Sumuru]''': Burn the suit. 
:'''Sumuru''': And take care of his bill. 
:'''Nick West''': Yes, I wouldn't like to have an unpaid hotel bill on my conscience. 
:'''Sumuru''': Keep joking, Mr. West. 
:'''Crow, Servo, and Jonah''': Please don't. 
:'''Sumuru''': You will be finished with jokes before the night is out. 
:'''Crow, Servo, and Jonah''': Us too.
:'''Nick West''': I was beginning to run out of material anyway. 
:'''Crow, Servo, and Jonah''': Agreed.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Helga undresses behind a curtain as a shirtless Tommy Carter sits with his back to it]''
:'''Crow [as Frankie Avalon]''': I don't get it. Why aren't I making out right now? I'm Frankie Avalon! Is the universe playing a joke on me? 
:...
:''[Helga comes out from behind the curtain, wrapped in a towel]''
:'''Crow''': Sham-wow!
:'''Tommy Carter''': Well, what'd you have in mind?
:'''Helga''': Well, to prove to you I have no concealed weapons... ''[reveals herself to Tommy Carter, who smiles]''
:'''Servo [as Frankie Avalon]''': It's about damn time. I'm Frankie Avalon! 
:''[Tommy Carter drops his pistol]''
:'''Jonah''': Bang!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Sumuru whips Nick West in a dungeon]''
:'''Servo''': Okay, if there are any kids watching, it's past your bedtimes.

=== [[w:H. G. Wells' The Shape of Things to Come|H.G. Wells' The Shape of Things to Come]] ===

==== H.G. Wells' The Shape of Things to Come (movie) ====

:''[a robot presses a big red &quot;cancel&quot; button]''
:'''Emily''': Meanwhile, at ''Netflix''...

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[shot of a computer screen giving various readings]''
:'''Servo [as an officer]''': It's called Twitter. It's gonna be ''great'' for the discourse.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Dr. John Caball dons a silver radiation suit]''
:'''Servo''': Chernobyl for a prom theme. What were they thinking?
:'''Crow [as Dr. Caball]''': Alright, you're gonna wanna cook me at 350 degrees for about 70 minutes, you'll know when I'm done when a fork easily pierces my skin. Load me up with butter and don't skimp on the chives. I'm a potato.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Dr. Caball gazes out into space]''
:'''Dr. Caball''': Well, we're on our way. Out there is the vastness of space... the unknown...
:'''Crow''': [[w:Monty Python and the Holy Grail|It's only a model.]]

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Kim Smedley''': Funny, I still think of myself as an Earth child. 
:'''Servo''': Emily, do you still think of yourself as an Earth child? 
:'''Emily''': Oh, I don't know. Ask me after I've been here for seven years. 
:'''Crow''': Uh, no human has ever lived here that long. Just ask the other guys. 
:'''Emily''': Wait, what?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Sparks''': ''[to Jason Caball]'' Let me lead the way. 
:'''Emily''': Aw, that's sweet. Would you guys ever escort me into a dangerous unknown situation?
:'''Servo''': Uh, I'd walk with you so I could better criticize your choices.
:'''Crow''': I'd let you walk in front of me so you could shield me from the worst of the shrapnel. 
:'''Servo''': And I'd definitely film the whole thing for [[w:WorldStarHipHop|WorldStarHipHop]].
:'''Crow and Servo''': WorldStar!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Emily''': Hey, what would you call an almost perfect ripoff of the [[w:USS Enterprise (NCC-1701)|USS ''Enterprise'']]?
:'''Servo''': The USS Compromise.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Omus tortures Dr. Caball with high pitched sound, causing him to scream and spasm]''
:'''Emily''': You know, I do the same thing when I can't get [[w:Baby Shark|&quot;Baby Shark&quot;]] out of my head either.

=== [[w:The Mask (1961 film)|The Mask]] ===

:'''Max''': Good evening, Jonah. Prepare yourselves for a night of thrills, chills, and since I'm making soup, very likely spills.
:'''Kinga''': Max, I told you to get Growler and M. Waverly to clear away those cobwebs! The Gizmoplex looks like the inside of Charles Addams' coffin.
:'''Max''': I just thought, because it's Halloween and all-
:'''Kinga''': You thought you'd be lazier than usual? Clean it up!
:'''Max''': Fine, but if the Great Pumpkin doesn't show up, I'm blaming you.
:'''Kinga''': Uh, there is no Great Pumpkin. Haven't you ever seen the end of [[w:It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown|the special]]?
:'''Max''': I never get that far, because it's too scary!

==== The Mask (movie) ====

:''[when the Warner Brothers logo appears]''
:'''Jonah''': Warner Brothers? Are we in the right theater?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jim Moran''': I've seen masks unearthed from the ruins of crumbling tombs and masks hanging in exotic temples to ward off evil spirits. 
:'''Jonah [as Jim Moran]''': And goofy ghosts.
:'''Jim Moran''': ''[beckons to a decorated skull shaped mask]''  But nowhere, in all my travels, have I seen anything to compare to the power of this mask...
:'''Crow''': The [[w:Misfits (band)|Misfits]] logo!
:'''Jim Moran''': ... and the horrible curse it bears. This is the mask in which our story revolves, and I can tell you that even though I'm not superstitious, I wouldn't put it on for all the wealth of the Indies.
:'''Jonah [as Jim Moran]''': Or a Klondike bar.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Dr. Allan Barnes''': Exactly what is this mask?
:'''Michael Radin''': ''[under duress]'' The mask is to blame. You're just not aware of its power. 
:'''GPC [as Michael]''': It's toxic mask-ulinity.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[dramatic chord as Michael commits suicide offscreen, and a Chinese themed bobblehead shakes its head]''
:'''Jonah''': For a bobblehead, you're really judgemental. And racist.
:'''Crow [as bobblehead]''': Aye-aye-aye-aye-aye...
:''[Mrs. Kelly knocks on the door]''
:'''Servo [as Mrs. Kelly]''': Michael? I heard low brass. Did something ominous just happen, Michael? ''[Mrs. Kelly opens the door]'' Michael where are- oh! ''[Mrs. Kelly screams in horror]''
:''[a shot of Michael's body under a cover, his hands in a rigid form]''
:'''Jonah''': He died doing what he loved: jazz hands.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Dr. Barnes puts the mask on, and enters a hellish demonic trance]''
:'''Crow, Servo, and Jonah''': [[w:Magic Carpet Ride (Steppenwolf song)|You don't know what we can find, why don't you come with me, Dr. Barnes, on a 3D carpet ride!]]
:'''Crow''': Is this what it feels like to chew 5 Gum?
:''[shot of a skull with its eyes]''
:'''Servo''': Ack ack! Ack ack ack!
:''[the skull dissolves leaving only the eyes, which zoom forward past the screen repeatedly]''
:'''Jonah''': Irises, pupils, and cataracts, oh my! Irises, pupils, and cataracts, oh my!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Pam Albright''': Allan, I want you to get help from someone. Someone you can trust.
:'''Crow [as Pam]''': Like Jake, from Statefarm.
:'''Dr. Barnes''': Trust? There's no one I can trust. 
:'''Servo [as Dr. Barnes]''': Not even Flo from Progressive.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jonah''': This movie is like a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, seen through the migraine-inducing idea of 3D glasses.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Dr. Barnes takes off the mask]''
:'''Crow''': Thank you for using Mask. Be sure not to operate heavy machinery after applying mask.
:'''Servo''': Do not combine Mask with alcohol or other masks.
:'''Jonah''': Mask is not responsible for any car chases or murders the operator commits. 
:'''Crow''': Side-effects include greasy face and crunchy pants. Ask your doctor about Mask today.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Pam Albright''': Do you have to take the drug again, Allan? Is it like an addiction that builds until every pore of your body craves for it? Breathes for it? Is that what you feel, Allan?
:''[Dr. Barnes covers his ears and leans against a bookshelf]''
:'''Crow [as Dr. Barnes]''': I can't hear you! I'm a book now!
:'''Pam Albright''': The need to satisfy the beast that's eating into you?
:'''Servo''': ''[singing]'' [[w:Snickers|There's a hunger inside you...]]
:'''Pam Albright''': And when you put it on again, what will it be like?
:'''Servo''': ''[singing]'' Won't go away...
:'''Pam Albright''': Like a shot, a jolt, a charge that cools your burning body?
:'''Crow''': It's grease lightning!
:'''Pam Albright''': Will it lift you up and carry you along until you're ready to be plunged down again? Deeper, deeper, each time deeper until you die?!
:'''Dr. Barnes''': Shut up, SHUT UP!
:'''Servo [as Dr. Barnes]''': You're killing me with this Word Jazz!
:'''Pam Albright''': Tell me I'm not right.
:'''Jonah [as Hank Hill]''': [[w:King of the Hill|That Pam ain't right.]]

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Pam Albright''': ''[on the phone]'' Police department, please. 
:'''Servo [as Pam]''': Yes, I'm white.

=== [[w:The Bubble (1966 film)|The Bubble]] ===

:'''Kinga''': Your experiment today, Joel, may possibly be one of the worst films we've ever presented. Sorry, not sorry.
:'''Joel''': Hey, how bad could it be? I had to riff ''Manos''.
:'''Kinga''': Ardy?
:'''Ardy''': Oh, this movie's upsetting on a profound existential level. I'd advise you to put a disclaimer on it ASAP if you're still intending to use it as part of the experiment. 
:'''Kinga''': So on a scale from ''Mitchell'' to ''Monsters-a-Go-Go'', where would you say this lands?
:'''Ardy''': Ah, well let me put it this way. We built the whole Kingachrome system around ''Manos: The Hands of Fate'' and even that didn't have the effect this movie's having on our facility.  This may just be the wolf mother of all bad movies. 
:'''Kinga''': You think you're so smart, Robinson. &quot;I had to watch ''Manos''. Da da da da da-&quot; HA! Face the cinematic claustrophobia that is ''The Bubble''. FLUSH THEM THE MOVIEEEEE!
:'''Ardy''': Movie in the hole!

==== The Bubble (movie) ====

:''[as Catherine enters labor]''
:'''Mark''': I don't know what to do. 
:'''Catherine''':  You're taking all this too seriously. After all now, what's childbirth? Just a sexy bellyache.
:'''Joel''': Is it?
:'''Catherine''': Oh God, this one's king-sized!
:'''Mark''': Honey, I'm sorry. 
:'''Crow''': It's too late for that. 
:'''Catherine''': What's there to be sorry about? I wanna hatch him out. I'm tired of being his big fat private incubator. 
:'''Mark''': Well, just hold on for a little while longer. We'll be out of this. This guy's a hell of a pilot. 
:'''Servo [as Mark]''': According to Craigslist. 
:'''Catherine''': Better be a hell of an obstetrician. 
:'''Mark''': No... just hold it in, please?
:'''Joel [as Mark]''': Yeah, there's gotta be a rest stop around here, somewhere.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Joel''': This opening sequence is a clickbait article just waiting to happen.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Catherine''': By the way, what happened to Mr. Airplane? You know, what's his name? Herric?
:'''Mark''': Tony Herric. He found himself a saloon, and a girl. I think I'm gonna join him. 
:'''Crow, Servo, and Joel''': What?!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Tony and Mark drive through the mysterious town]''
:'''Mark''': Never seen such mixed up architecture. It almost looks like the backside of a movie lot.
:'''Tony''': That's it! A movie lot, big deal.
:'''Mark''': Yeah, of course. 
:'''Crow [as Mark]''': That explains everything. 
:'''Mark''': The people in the costumes, the... the cables coming from underneath the lampposts...
:'''Servo [as Mark]''': This guy who keeps yelling at me to act better. 
:'''Mark''': But I don't see any- any cameras, Tony. 
:'''Tony''': Friend, all I want is the exit. 
:'''Joel [as Tony]''': One of these warp pipes should get us out of here.
:...
:'''Tony''': Ah, to hell with it, all I want's my plane. 
:'''Servo''': All I want's the end credits.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Servo''': You know, it just dawned on me. They're really having a tough time.
:'''Crow''': Yeah, this movie's helping me put my little problems into perspective. 
:'''Joel''': That's right, my little robot friends, no matter how bad your day is, you can always say &quot;At least I'm not in Arch Oboler's ''The Bubble''.&quot;
:'''Servo''': But, we are watching Arch Oboler's ''The Bubble'', and that's pretty bad. 
:'''Joel''': Yeah, I guess I'm sorry I tried to cheer us up.  This blows.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mark''': Look, isn't it about time?
:'''Servo''': Uh-oh...
:'''Mark''': That you face reality?
:'''Joel''': Oh, apt thing to say to a new mom. 
:'''Catherine''': Reality? What reality?
:'''Crow''': You're soaking in it. 
:'''Catherine''': That either I'm in some kind of a nightmare from which I can't want up, or if what you say is true, then... then I'm part of a human zoo. 
:'''Servo''': You make it sound so metal. 
:'''Catherine''': I'd rather be in that nightmare. 
:'''Joel''': This is why you talk about human zoos before you get married. 
:'''Mark''': In a zoo? Were we so free before? Was I, the nine to five routine year after year? 
:'''Catherine''': But Mark, to live like an animal under the eye of-
:'''Mark''': Since when haven't I been under an eye?
:'''Catherine''': As a child. 
:'''Mark''': As a child, hell, first, first there was school, then there was the army, then after the army, the job.
:'''Crow [as Mark]''': Then came army school.
:'''Mark''': When hadn't there been some kind of eye watching over me? Stop tearing yourself apart over a world that doesn't even exist anymore.
:'''Servo''': The end!
:'''Mark''': Be grateful for this one. Well what's the matter with this place?
:'''Crow [as Catherine]''': Dull.
:'''Mark''': The walk? Keeps out meanness and hate. 
:'''Joel''': And entertainment. 
:'''Mark''': Yeah, even the bomb.
:'''Crow''': Whoa, that's heavy. 
:'''Catherine''': They're walking dead!
:'''Mark''': Well, we're not they. We don't eat what they eat. Look, we know what we're doing. 
:'''Servo [as Mark]''': We're chill.
:'''Mark''': We can live out our lives here, Cath, and by ourselves in perfect health and perfect security. 
:'''Joel [as Mark]''': Thanks to ADT.
:'''Mark''': Well what's wrong with that?
:'''Catherine''': I... I look up there... and I think to myself...
:'''Crow [as Louis Armstrong]''': [[w: What a Wonderful World|What a bubbleful world!]]

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Mark walks along the bubble barrier in a daze]''
:'''Servo''': This is what I imagine it feels like to work for Amazon.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Crow''': It finally happened. I'm completely out of things to say! It's like riffing on the same movie over and over and over again! I CAN'T TAKE IT! ''THE BUBBLE'' IS REAL!!! AHHHHH! ''[runs out of the theater]''
:'''Servo and Joel''': Wonder what he wanted.

=== [[w:The Christmas Dragon|The Christmas Dragon]] ===

:'''Bonsey''': God help us, everyone. 
:'''Ardy''': Movie in the ho-ho-hole!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Crow''': So, now I'm totally confused about Christmas. 
:'''GPC 2''': Yeah, does this mean Rudolph can breathe fire?
:'''Servo''': And how does the magic crystal figure into the nativity story? Ugh, whoever interpreted the Dead Sea Scrolls really dropped the ball on this one.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jonah''': It feels like we're moving!
:'''Emily''': Well let's make it count boys, let's do the theme song!
:'''Jonah''': Which one? There's like 12.
:'''Joel''': Uh, I only know the lyrics to Mike's.

==== The Christmas Dragon (movie) ====

:''[Gazared and Boomtall approach Ayden's parents]''
:'''Gazared''': Taxes. 
:'''Ayden's Mother''': Do you steal from every person you collect, or just us? 
:'''Gazared''': Are you going to give me the payment, or do you need... persuading?
:'''Ayden's Father''': I'm not giving you anything. I shall deliver my payment to Lord Rothford himself.
:'''Gazared''': I don't think our lord visits many men in the dungeon. Arrest him!
:''[thugs draw swords and approach]''
:'''Crow [as a thug]''': Alright, certified public accountants, let's crunch some numbers!
:''[Ayden's Father punches a thug, starting a brief fight]''
:'''Crow, Servo, and Emily''': ''[singing]'' [[w:Wonderful Christmastime|Sim-ply ha-ving a wonderful Christmastime!]]
:'''Ayden''': ''[comes out of hiding]'' No!
:'''Servo [as Ayden]''': File an extension!
:'''Ayden's Father''': ''[stops the fight]'' Alright! Alright. Enough. 
:'''Emily [as Gazared]''': Really? You were winning. 
:'''Ayden's Father''': I'll get the money. 
:'''Crow [as Ayden's Father]''': We can Airbnb our hut.
:'''Ayden's Father''': Just don't hurt her. 
:'''Gazared''': I wouldn't dream of hurting her. Not when I can get such a fair price for another child in the mines. Get them in the wagon! ''[the struggle resumes]''
:'''Crow, Servo, and Emily''': ''[singing]'' Sim-ply ha-ving a wonderful Christmastime!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Fin''': Where's Garrett?
:'''Servo [as Ayden]''': He decided to leave us and join a family of giraffes with his long neck and all. ''[sobs]''

 &lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Rand baits a hook and tosses it in the river]''
:'''Ayden''': Good idea, Rand. You see? If we all work together, we can make it. 
:'''Joel [as Ayden]''': But not if we keep throwing all our food in the water. 
:'''Hoyt''': What do you think you're going to catch?
:'''Servo''': Lyme disease.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[a river monster rams and topples the boat and its occupants]''
:'''Crow, Servo, and Joel''': ''[singing]'' Sim-ply ha-ving a wonderful Christmastime!
:'''Crow''': Disney's Jungle Cruise claims another five souls.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Servo''': Drinking age, 21. Life expectancy, 16. So unfair.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Arik beckons for the orphans to keep quiet as they approach a dragon]''
:'''Servo [as Arik/Elmer Fudd]''': Be vewy vewy qwuiet. We don't have a permit to film here. Huhuhuh.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Ayden befriends the dragon]''
:'''Servo''': It's the look of Spielbergian awe you can only get by staring lovingly at a tennis ball taped to a stick on a Toronto sound stage.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Ayden''': ''[to the dragon]'' Stay off that wing. 
:'''Jonah [as the dragon]''': ''[the dragon nods]'' Alright, ''mom''.
:'''Ayden''': Even though it's healing fast, no flying. You need your rest. 
:'''Crow [as Ayden]''': And if DreamWorks lawyers come, we were never here. 
:'''Saerwen''': Don't worry...
:'''Servo [as Saerwen]''': I left money for pizza. 
:'''Saerwen''': You've created a sacred bond with her. You two will always be able to find one another. 
:'''Jonah''': Thanks to social media. 
:''[Arik approaches them]''
:'''Crow''': Third wheel alert. 
:'''Ayden''': We're going north. Catch up with us when you can. 
:'''Servo [as the dragon]''': I get it. You guys can't afford to put me in the next couple scenes, can you?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Arik and Saerwen kiss]''
:'''Jonah [as Arik]''': Come on, let's give these kids something to talk to their therapist about.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as the dragon is hooked to Father Christmas' sleigh]''
:'''Emily''': Oh man, guys look, they ''sleighed'' the dragon. 
:'''Joel''': Oh, that's neat. 
:'''Jonah''': Oh, come on, Emily...

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Father Christmas, the dragon, and the orphans dive at Gazared and her thugs]''
:'''Jonah [as Ayden]''': The spirit of the yuletide! Faster, Santa! KILL! KILL!
:''[Gazared and the thugs jump into a river]''
:'''Emily [as Father Christmas]''': Eat tinsel, bastards!
:'''Joel [as Father Christmas]''': Alright, now let's turn around and finish them off! We'll go after their families, and to all a goodnight! 
:'''Jonah, Emily, and Joel''': Ho ho ho!</text>
      <sha1>csps4ndmoh1fqbuvwcjfv2lo2os8m2h</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3942563</id>
      <parentid>3942562</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-05-18T23:03:42Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>MTsocano</username>
        <id>3051402</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Doctor Mordrid (movie) */</comment>
      <origin>3942563</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="53222" sha1="lvzllk0w8xo5m04arv201cr9qodmatu" xml:space="preserve">{| border=1 align=center style=&quot;text-align:center;&quot;
| bgcolor=#80FFFF | [[#Santo in the Treasure of Dracula|&lt;span title=&quot;Santo in the Treasure of Dracula&quot;&gt;01&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#80FFFF | [[#Robot Wars|&lt;span title=&quot;Robot Wars&quot;&gt;02&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#80FFFF | [[#Beyond Atlantis|&lt;span title=&quot;Beyond Atlantis&quot;&gt;03&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#80FFFF | [[#Munchie|&lt;span title=&quot;Munchie&quot;&gt;04&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#80FFFF | [[#Doctor Mordrid|&lt;span title=&quot;Doctor Mordrid&quot;&gt;05&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#80FFFF | [[#Demon Squad|&lt;span title=&quot;Demon Squad&quot;&gt;06&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#80FFFF | [[#Gamera vs. Jiger|&lt;span title=&quot;#Gamera vs. Jiger&quot;&gt;07&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#80FFFF | [[#The Batwoman|&lt;span title=&quot;The Batwoman&quot;&gt;08&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#80FFFF | [[#The Million Eyes of Sumuru|&lt;span title=&quot;The Million Eyes of Sumuru&quot;&gt;09&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#80FFFF | [[#HG Wells’ The Shape of Things to Come|&lt;span title=&quot;HG Wells’ The Shape of Things to Come&quot;&gt;10&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#80FFFF | [[#The Mask 3D|&lt;span title=&quot;The Mask 3D&quot;&gt;11&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#80FFFF | [[#The Bubble|&lt;span title=&quot;The Bubble&quot;&gt;12&lt;/span&gt;]]
| bgcolor=#80FFFF | [[#The Christmas Dragon|&lt;span title=&quot;The Christmas Dragon&quot;&gt;13&lt;/span&gt;]]
|}

=== [[w:Santo en el tesoro de Drácula|Santo in the Treasure of Dracula]] ===
:'''Kinga Forrester''': For three decades, the Forrester family experiment has resided on a number of platforms. 
:'''Max''': ''[[w:Comedy Central|Comedy Central]]'', the ''[[w:SyFy|Sci-fi Channel]]'', ''[[w:Netflix|Netflix]]''...
:'''Kinga''' But my family thought too small. Why subject our home-grown experiment to the hands of thankless executives... when ''we'' could be the thankless executives??? Introducing, the Kinga-dome! Our premiere theater-
:'''Max''': Connected to the Gizmoplex!
:'''Kinga''': ... Our ''premiere theater!!!'' ... for all things ''Mystery Science Theater 3000''. A bright and shining beacon to the worst that cinema has to offer.

==== Santo in the Treasure of Dracula (movie) ====

:'''Tom Servo''': This is actually my favorite ''[[w:Castlevania|Castlevania]]'' sequel.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Voiceover''': ''[translating a sign]'' Dr. Cesar Sepulveda, nuclear physicist.
:'''Servo''': Thursdays on Telemundo.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jonah Heston''' ''[about Santo's silver wrestling mask]'' It's like a Hershey Kiss in a suit. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jonah''' Uh-oh, I think this contraption is powered by an Etch-a-Sketch.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Professor Van Roth''': How strange. This mirror reflects everything.
:'''Jonah''': Yes, it's a mirror.
:'''Van Roth''': Except you!
:'''Count Dracula''': Bastard! ''[shatters the mirror]''
:'''Servo''': Now you'll have seven years of bad suck- uh luck.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Dracula flees after being revealed by Van Roth]''
:'''Jonah [as Dracula]''': You fool, I've been me the whole time!
:'''Van Roth''': Mein Gott! ''[proceeds to cross his heart]''
:'''Servo''': Spectacles, testicles... testicles... testicles... 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Luisa''': That was an awful experience.
:'''Santo''': Calm down, it's already over. Get some rest. 
:'''Crow T. Robot [as Luisa]''': But I've slept most of the movie. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jonah''': Hey, you got your Spirit Halloween store in my Ed Wood movie. 
:'''Servo''': No, you got your Ed Wood movie in my Spirit Halloween store. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Crow''': Most of wrestling is just different types of hugs.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Servo''': So a booming soundtrack as the little girl walks around the house, but silence during a car chase. Okay.

=== [[w:Robot Wars (film)|Robot Wars]] ===

==== Robot Wars (movie) ====

:''[as the opening credits lists J. Downing]''
:'''Crow T. Robot''': I bet the J stands for &quot;just please don't use my full name&quot;.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[as a robot is shown onscreen]''
:'''Crow''': Papa, is that you???
:'''Jonah Heston''': Oh no, hey now Crow, easy. It's not. 
:...
:''[the robot is shown again]''
:'''Crow''': Papa, you wanna have a catch?
:'''Jonah''': Hey, it's not your dad, okay?
:'''Crow''': Jonah, you're not my REAL dad!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Tom Servo''': ''[after a model tank is destroyed]'' There goes the entire practical effect budget.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Drake''': Rooney, you must have grown up in old California with too much sun. Let me ask you a question. Was your daddy rich and your mama good looking?
:'''Rooney''': You're cruising for a court martial, buster boy.
:'''Servo [as Drake]''': That's buster ''bro''!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Rooney''': I hope he gets his balls shot off.
:'''Crow, Servo, and Jonah''': [[w:Battlestar Galactica (2003 series)|So say we all]].

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Stumpy''': You know, we're robot men, Captain. What are we doing out here in a grit and grime where people can blow our ass away? We're supposed to be indestructible!
:'''Crow''': You know, like the ''Titanic'', or the seal industry, or Gamestop stocks, or Beanie Babies, or America's love for James Corden!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[during a laser gun fight]''
:'''Crow''': So who are we rooting for?
:'''Jonah''': Oh, whoever makes the kill shot that ends the movie. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''GPC''': ''[at the sight of a building labeled &quot;Oasis&quot;]'' Anyway, here's &quot;Wonderwall.&quot;

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Drake''' : Stumpy, get out of there, you're a sitting duck!
:'''Stumpy''': Just keep that override down!!!
:'''Crow''': Yeah, and maximize the wiffle hoofer, and triangular the single framler and coagulate the preflamer!!!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Crow''': And lo, did the white people flee into the desert, soon to create Scottsdale, Arizona.

=== [[w:Beyond Atlantis (film)|Beyond Atlantis]] ===

:'''Emily Connor''': Can't believe I'm really on the dark side of the moon. 
:'''Max''': Well, [[w:The Dark Side of the Moon|as a matter of fact, it's all dark]].

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Emily''': Well, the stimulator bots have already absorbed the behavior of Jonah's bots within seconds. 
:'''Servo''': And your point?
:'''Emily''': That's not gonna be problematic...
:'''Crow''': I'll tell you what's problematic, your soul's gonna get crushed within seconds!
:'''Emily''': I'm used to it,  I'm on Twitter. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Emily''': I guess we hosts have to stick together. 
:'''Jonah''': Actually, historically we hosts have never stuck together. Kind of a host-eat-host world. 
:'''Emily''': Oh really? 'Cause maybe working together you'd have been able to escape. I mean, how'd you do 20 of these experiments and never try outsmarting the Mads? I mean, I hate to use strong language but... they seem kind of dumb. 
:'''Jonah''': Yes, yes yes yes yes, good point! Perhaps with the proper cooperation, this forced vacation can be brought to a cessation!
:'''Emily''': Huh? Why are you talking in rhymes all of a sudden? 
:'''Jonah''': I will tell you later why I speak in rhyme, but unfortunately now, you've got-
:''[buzzer sounds]''
:'''Emily''': MOVIE SIGN!

==== Beyond Atlantis (movie) ====

:'''Servo''': My friend, [[w:Ja Rule|Ja Rule]] told me that [[w:Fyre Festival|Fyre Fest]] would be here. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[as a woman stands on East Eddie during his massage]''
:'''Emily''': Oh,  she can finally clean that fan. 
:'''East Eddie''': Feast your eyes on this. 
:'''Servo''': Anything to take our eyes off of that.
:'''Logan''': That's a Tuscarora!
:'''Crow''': No, that's a pearl. 
:'''Logan''': It's worth a thousand pesos, maybe more. Where'd you get it?
:'''Emily''': From a wet scared guy. 
:'''East Eddie''': Can you fence it?
:'''Logan''': Fence? Hell, it'll go like wildfire!  These are rare, I haven't seen one in years. 
:'''East Eddie''': There's a lot more where that came from. 
:'''Servo''': I got a guy shoving sand into oysters as we speak.
:'''East Eddie''': I'll supply, you deal, we'll split down the middle.
:'''Crow''': Splitting it? That's almost like half!
:'''Logan''': ''[shaking East Eddie's hand]'' Put 'er there, pard!
:'''Emily''': You got it, 'ner!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Logan''': Eddie, you got money, and I'm a diver. Now all we need's a boat and some good equipment. You can pick 'em up for a song. Just give me a small advance, I can have us moving in a couple of days. 
:'''Emily''': Uh, is she washing him with a chicken cutlet?
:'''East Eddie''': Listen, I know where you're coming from, and the idea's out of sight, but I want Vic Mathias in on this. He's an expert diver, he has his own boat, and he knows the islands like the back of his hand. 
:'''Logan''': It's no good, it won't work. If we bring him in, we've got to make it a three-way scene. 
:'''East Eddie''': So we'll split it three ways!
:'''Emily [as Logan]''': Ugh, but we're a dynamic duo, not a terrific trio!
:'''Logan''': No, we don't need him!
:'''East Eddie''': I want him! He'll keep us honest. 
:'''Crow [as East Eddie]''': What are we, crooks?
:'''Logan''': Eddie, believe me, I know the region better than Mathias. I lived on the islands for five years, I've covered every inch of 'em. We can do it alone! Just tell me where you found them. It's probably an island I used to live on. 
:''[East Eddie laughs hard]''
:'''Servo [as East Eddie]''': ''[hysterical]'' You can't live on an ''island''! It's surrounded by ''WATER''! How would you even get there??? HA HA HA!!!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Servo [as Logan]''': Wait a minute, how am I sitting across from me?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Emily''': ''[when an armed guard does nothing in regards to a nearby fight]'' Really low AI on the NPCs in this game. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''East Eddie''': I'm speaking to him in a dialect he can't refuse to understand!
:'''Emily''': Esperanto. 
:'''East Eddie''': The truth!
:'''Crow''': Is East Eddie the bad guy???
:'''East Eddie''': And you talk to me in English!
:'''Servo''': That's why American tourists are beloved the world over. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Nereus''': Only hurt and destruction can come from the feelings within you. It is your destiny to mate with an outsider, not to love him. 
:'''Crow''': Island Tinder. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Vic Mathias''': ''[to Syrene]'' I don't love you. 
:'''Emily [as Syrene]''': Okay, Syrene, play it cool. Don't let him know he's hurt you...
:''[Syrene runs out of the hut]''
:'''Crow''': She really runs like a mermaid. 
:''[Mathias slowly exits his hut to watch her run off]''
:'''Servo [as Mathias]''': [[w: Willy Wonka &amp; the Chocolate Factory|Wait. Stop. Come back]].

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Syrene''': There is still another place. 
:'''Emily''': Where the watermelons grow?
:'''Logan''': You've been holding out. 
:'''Syrene''': It's very deep. 
:'''Logan''': Yeah, but it's got pearls in it, right?
:'''Syrene''': According to the lore of my people, the Rizion Channel has hundreds upon hundreds of pearls.
:'''Crow''': Boring mythology, but okay. 
:'''Logan''': You've seen them?
:'''Syrene''': No, but others in my village have.
:'''Emily [as Syrene]''': And the fish down there? ''Totally'' naked. 
:'''Logan''': What are we waiting for?
:'''Servo [as Syrene]''': You mean, &quot;For what are we waiting?&quot;
:'''Syrene''': It's very dangerous. 
:'''Logan''' You only live once. 
:'''Emily''': Logan invented YOLO? Take that, Drake.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Crow''': This movie is just a series of nice landscapes ruined by weird people.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[as the villagers carry Syrene's casket boat into the ocean]''
:'''Emily''': To be fair, this movie makes me want to walk into the ocean, too.
:...
:'''Emily''': I don't think some of these extras were prepared for how deep this was gonna get. 
:'''Servo''': No one was. 
:'''Crow''': Ariel's burial.

=== [[w:Munchie|Munchie]] ===

==== Munchie (movie) ====

:''[as Gage begins daydreaming about an awards ceremony in class]''
:'''Jonah''': Ladies and gentlemen, it's the Fracties! The night where fractions come out to shine.
:'''Male Announcer''': It's my honor to read the name of the student whom you have chosen as your next student body president. ''[is given an envelope]'' Envelope please, thank you. ''[gives it to the woman next to him]''
:'''Crow [as the announcer]''': I can't read.
:'''Female Announcer''': And the winner is...
:'''GPC''': [[w:La La Land|La La Land]]! [[w:List of accolades received by La La Land|Oh, not again]]...
:'''Female Announcer''': Gage Dobson!
:''[the students cheer and applaud]''
:'''Servo [as voiceover announcer]''': This is Gage Dobson's first win after being nominated for such daydreams as ''What If I Were a Robot With a Sword For an Arm?'' and ''Naked Book Report II''.
:''[as Gage accepts a trophy]''
:'''Jonah''': Okay, and cue the [[w:Carrie (1976 film)|bucket of pigs blood]].
:''[Mrs. Blaylok suddenly appears by Gage]''
:'''Crow [as Blaylok/[[w:Kanye West|Kanye West]]]''': [[w:2009 MTV Video Music Awards|I'mma let you finish...]]

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mrs. Blaylok''': The problem on the board, how can we arrive at a sum?
:'''Jonah''': [[w:All Star (song)|BODY once told me the world is gonna Munchie]]!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Gage Dobson''': Do you think you'll ever get this Jeep running? 
:'''Professor Cruikshank''': This bucket of bolts? Of course I will! Then I'll have to think of something to do with these hands. 
:'''Crow''': Don't, you'll go blind!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Dobson''': Hey, where are you gonna sleep tonight?
:'''Munchie''': Pal, any place is an improvement over that box. Actually, I was sort of hoping I could bunk down with you. 
:'''Crow, Servo, and Jonah''': Ew.
:'''Dobson''': You're gonna have to make your own bed though. 
:'''Munchie''': Don't worry about me, Pal. Hammer, nails, I come prepared.
:'''Jonah''': [[w: Pontius Pilate| Pontius Pilate]] sends his regards. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Munchie sits at a computer, and the puppet clumsily types on the keyboard]''
:'''Munchie''': Okay, let's go. Let's see what kind of grades this kid's got. 
:'''Jonah''': He just spelled &quot;jkfghfgl.&quot;

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Leon Daggett''': ''[dazed]'' I... am gonna kill... you. 
:'''Crow [as Leon]''': Once... I deal... with this brain hem...o...rrhage.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[after Gage punches Leon out cold into a laundry cart]''
:'''Servo [as Gage]''': Violence ''is'' the answer!
:''[shot of Leon in a dazed state as the laundry cart rolls into the showers]''
:'''Jonah''': Wasn't football gonna do that anyway? I mean...
:'''Servo [as Gage]''': You just got en-Gaged! No wait, that's not it... something with Gage.
:''[several other classmates cheer for Gage]''
:'''Jonah''': Gage's understudies.
:'''Gym Teacher''': Alright, break it up. Head for class. Gage, we gotta talk!
:'''Crow [as Gym Teacher]''': You're guilty of manslaughter, bud!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Elliot''': This is the most important thing I've ever asked anyone in my life.
:'''Crow [as Elliot]''': Can you get me out of this movie?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Munchie''': Gage, you should never ask for anything unless you really want it. 
:'''Dobson''': I know. 
:'''Crow''': Is that what the puppet team said to the concept artist for this movie?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Cathy''': ''[interrupting the party]'' Gaaage!
:'''Servo''': [[w:Garfield|Garfield!]]
:'''Jonah''': [[w: Dennis the Menace (U.S. comics|Dennis!]]
:'''Crow''': [[Malcolm in the Middle|Malcolm!]]
:'''Servo''': [[w:Alvin and the Chipmunks|ALLLVIIIN!!!]]

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Jonah''': It's comforting to see Munchie in a body bag.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as the faces of the characters show during the closing credits]''
:'''Jonah''': Cathy was sentenced to twelve years in prison for fraudulent catering charges on Elliot's missing credit card. 
:'''Crow''': Elliot died on the prison farm and was vivisected by the other inmates. No charges have been filed. 
:'''Servo''': Professor Cruikshank was arrested for hijacking and held indefinitely in Guantanamo Bay. He does not expect a trial. 
:''[as Gage is shown]''
:'''Jonah''': Hang on, main character, but fourth billed? Ouch.

=== [[w:Doctor Mordrid|Doctor Mordrid]] ===

==== Doctor Mordrid (movie) ====

:'''Emily''': ''[during a long panning shot of Mordrid's room during the title sequence]'' I think the camera operator might just be lost.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[during an establishing shot of [[w:Rio de Janiro| Rio de Janiro]] and the [[w: Christ the Redeemer (statue)|Christ the Redeemer statue]]]''
:'''Crow''': For God so loved the world ''thiiis'' much.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Kabal''': ''[pouring out a thick liquid onto the ground]'' Beyond the barrier of heaven and earth, let it go free into a closed dwelling. May it cause it to enter. 
:'''Emily''': The world has never seen such evil caramel. 
:'''Kabal''': Primum materialis...
:'''GPC 2''': Lorem ipsum!
:'''Kabal''': Release this blood of the earth. May it find its place with the philosopher's stone. 
:'''Emily''' Now in America, that's [[w:Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone|sorcerer's stone]].

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Samantha Hunt''': Oh listen, I was curious about-
:''[Dr. Mordrid uses his medallion to freeze time and vanish]''
:'''Servo''': Dr. Mordrid, sorcerer supreme, uses his incredible powers to escape awkward small talk. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Mordrid opens a chest and begins browsing through scrolls]''
:'''Servo [as Mordrid]''' Let's see, [[w:Dead Sea Scrolls|Dead Sea Scrolls]], exalted scrolls, [[w:The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion|Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion]], yes!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[Samantha tries to open Mordrid's door, only to be burned by the doorknob]''
:'''Servo''': [[w:The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring|One does not simply walk into Mordrid's]].

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[during an interrogation]''
:'''Mordrid''': I have to tell you something. 
:'''Emily [as Mordrid]''': I'm pregnant. 
:'''Mordrid''': ''Show'' you something, so that you'll comprehend the magnitude of why I cannot be held here any longer. 
:'''Servo [as Mordrid]''': Through the medium of dance. 
:'''Samantha''': Everything we say is being recorded. 
:'''Emily [as Samantha]''': We're live on [[w:Twitch (service)|Twitch]]. Thanks to Donkey Dan for the three month sub. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Adrian''': Oh look dude, the master protects me from your puny weapons! You ain't got- ''[Gaudio shoots him in the leg]''
:'''Emily [as Adrian]''': My jelly pants!
:'''Adrian''': IT HURTS!
:'''Gaudio''': Call him an ambulance. 
:'''Crow [as police officer]''': You're an ambulance, sir.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Crow''': I can't believe ''Dr. Mordrid'' was a Christmas movie the whole time!
:'''Emily''': Well, okay, but it wasn't though.
:'''Servo''': But there was a Christmas tree in it. 
:'''Emily''': Well a Christmas tree doesn't make it a Christmas movie. ''101 Dalmatians'' has a Christmas tree in it. 
:'''Crow''': Well, what if it takes place on Christmas, ''and'' has a Christmas tree in it?
:'''Servo''': Like ''Die Hard''.
:'''Emily''': Okay, it doesn't matter. Look at the release date. ''Die Hard'' came out July 15th, 1988. It's a summer blockbuster, not a Christmas movie. 
:'''Servo''': How do you know when ''Die Hard'' came out?
:'''Emily''': I have this discussion a lot. 
:'''Crow''': So if it came out at any point other than the Christmas season, it's not a Christmas movie?
:'''Emily''': That's right. 
:'''Servo''': What about ''Nightmare Before Christmas''?
:'''Emily''': Well, released October 13th, obviously a Halloween movie. 
:'''Crow''': ''Elf''?
:'''Emily''': Well, released November 7th, an early Thanksgiving parable about found families and sugar consumption. 
:'''Servo''': ''It's a Wonderful Life''?
:'''Emily''': While, actually released on January 7th, it's a New Year's morality play about the evils of forgetfulness. 
:'''Servo''': So according to Newton's third law of motion, ''any'' movie that comes out in the Christmas season is a Christmas movie?
:'''Emily''': Me and Newton are on the same page there. 
:'''Crow''': Then ''Titanic'' is a Christmas movie!
:'''Emily''': Yep. And I'll die on this hill, and if the hill comes out in late December, I'll call it a Christmas hill.

=== [[w:Demon Squad|Demon Squad]] ===

:'''Joel''': Hey, Dr. Erhardt, I haven't seen you in several millenia. How's the mad biz treating you? 
:'''Dr. Erhardt''': Oh, you know,  Joel. It ebbs and flows. More of a hobby at this point. 
:'''Joel''': I gotcha. Really glad to hear your voice caught up with you too. That shrill nagging tone you always had was really grating on the ears. 
:'''Dr. Erhardt''': ''[shrill-voiced]'' It's a hormonal disorder, you little piece of sh-
:'''Kinga''': GENTLEMEN!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Bonsey''': Wait... who was that guy again?
:'''Ardy''': I'll tell you later. Movie in the hole!

==== Demon Squad (movie) ====

:'''Daisy O'Reilly''': ...I am about to use this thing for scrap. We need something that'll stay on more than ten minutes at a time. 
:'''Nick Moon''': Those things still cost money, right?
:'''Daisy''': Thing's older than I am. 
:'''Nick Moon''': Still works harder. 
:'''Crow''': Says the drunk guy. 
:'''Daisy''': As I keep saying, I would happily work hard at the job I ''thought'' I was hired for. 
:'''Servo [as Nick Noon]''': Well I ''thought'' I needed a jaded barista. 
:'''Nick Moon''': We settled this. You're lucky I even hired you. 
:'''Daisy''': It helped that I was the only applicant. 
:'''Joel''': Ooh, another LinkedIn success story. 

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Nick Moon''': Now what can I do for you miss...
:'''Delilah Fontaine''': Fontaine. Delilah Fontaine. 
:'''Nick Moon''': Miss Fontaine. 
:'''Delilah''': Call me Lilah.
:'''Servo [as Nick Moon]''': So, Karen...
:'''Joel [as Nick Moon]''': Leslie...
:'''Crow [as Nick Moon]''': Sandy...
:'''Nick Moon''': Any relation to Charles Fontaine?
:'''Delilah''': He's my father. 
:'''Nick Moon''': Let me stop you there. 
:'''Servo [as Nick Moon]''': Tony. 
:'''Nick Moon''': I don't do missing persons. 
:'''Delilah''': I think you'll find this particular case to be of interest. 
:'''Nick Moon''': Look lady, as much as I'd like to help you, I can't find your old man. It doesn't matter how many zeroes you put on the check. 
:'''Joel [as Nick Moon]''': Because Nick don't do math.

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Delilah''': You really don't have to do this, Nick. I can get a hotel room. 
:'''Nick Moon''': I do this for all my clients. 
:'''Servo [as Delilah]''': Yes, I see them under your bed. 
:'''Nick Moon''': Well, you know. All my attractive, single clients.
:'''Crow [as Delilah]''': Oh, I get it. You're a pig!

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Delilah''': What are you going to do?
:'''Servo [as Nick Moon]''': I just ate 14 dumplings. What do ''you'' think?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:''[during an interrogation of a vampire]''
:'''Nick Moon''': What's The Stranger planning?
:'''Joel''': ''Stranger Things''?
:'''Vampire''': Well, he has the dagger, so use your imagination. 
:'''Crow [as Nick Moon]''': Hmmm... dragons. 
:'''Vampire''': That's all I know. Now can I go?
:'''Servo [as Nick Moon]''': Sure, do you need your parking validated?

&lt;hr width=50%&gt;
:'''Delilah''': ''[after Nick startles her]'' I'm starting to see why you're single. 
:'''Crow [as Nick Moon]''': Pretty cool, huh?
:'''Nick Moon''': ''[surprised]'' ... Wow. 
:'''Servo''': Yeah, a real, live woman. 
:'''Crow, Servo, and Joel''': Pretty niiice!

=== [[w:Gamera vs. Jiger|Gamera vs. Jiger]] ===

:'''Bonesy''': Gamera? I could really go for some turtle meat. 

==== Gamera vs. Jiger (movie) ====

:''[during the opening credits montage]''
:'''Servo''': I guess we're watching Gamera's acting reel now?
:'''Crow''': Has Gamera been in other movies?
:'''Jonah''': Oh yeah, Gamera's been in a lot of movies. ''[[w:Gamera vs. Guiron|Gamera vs. Guiron]]'', ''[[w:Gamera vs. Gyaos|Gamera vs. Gyaos]]'', ''[[w:Gamera vs. Barugon|Gamera vs. Barugon]]'', ''[[w:The Bridges of Madison County (film)|Gamera vs. The Bridges of Madison County]]'', and ''[[w:Kramer vs. Kramer|Gamera vs. Kramer vs. Kramer]]''.
:'''Crow''': Wow, I didn't realize that Gamera was such a versatile performer.
:'''Jonah''': Oh, totally. 
:'''Servo''': Yeah, he's like the Meryl Streep of giant turtle actors.  He's not afraid to do intimate character work.
:'''Jonah''': Yeah, that's what I like about him. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Hiroshi''': ''[about a miniature submarine]'' Will it really dive, or is this model a toy?
:'''Hiroshi's Father''': No, it's a real miniature submarine. But the trouble is, it's too real, and goes too far down. 
:'''Servo [as Hiroshi's Father]:''' Like my serotonin. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jonah''': Gamera is like the original fidget spinner. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[after Jiger shoots Gamera with darts]''
:'''Crow''': Jiger's all like, &quot;Why don't we put a pin in this?&quot;
:''[Jiger charges Gamera and rams him]''
:'''Jonah''': [[w:Pokemon|Jiger uses dash! It's super effective]]!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[a ship's doctor takes a drink of liquor]''
:'''Servo''': Second opinion from Dr. Jim Bean.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as the statue is unloaded]''
:'''Hiroshi''': They'll unload it. 
:'''Susan''': ''[in a heavy hard to understand accent]'' These men should teach you a lesson. They're not afraid if some old curse gets them. 
:'''Crow''': If anyone needs subtitles in this movie, it's ''her''.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Servo''': Let's call this monster [[w:Axl Rose|Axl Rose]], because he's got an [[w: Appetite for Destruction|appetite for destruction]].

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as the Gamera theme plays]''
:'''Servo, Crow, and Jonah''': ''[singing]'' Gamera flies like a plane! He likes pleasure mixed with pain! Never kink shame Gamera!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Gamera is wounded and beaten by Jiger, and Gamera slowly retreats]''
:'''Crow [as Gamera]''': ''[singing]'' It's not just my arm that is bleeding / It's part of my neck meat as well / But it's mainly my ego that's bleeding / Why must I come out of my shell? 
:'''Jonah [as Gamera]''': ''[singing]'' Sure, everyone knows me as Gamera / The turtle the kids all adore / But if I get stabbed by a Jiger / Will they even like me anymore?
:'''Servo [as Gamera]''': ''[singing]'' For the love of the children is fickle / You have it, then it disappears / They'll love you, and leave you tomorrow / As soon as the city smoke disappears. 
:'''Crow [as Gamera]''': ''[singing]'' You'd say Gamera, sure he's got everything / The power, flight, looks, and fame / Then into town swims Kaiju come lately / They don't even remember my name.
:'''Jonah [as Gamera]''': ''[singing]'' Gamera's the friend of all children / Of that, the whole world can agree / Oh Gamera's friends with the children / But who gives their friendship to me?
:'''Servo [as Gamera]''': ''[singing]'' Sure, I've been singing a long time / I'm a ham with a long way to go / Because after all, I'm a turtle / And turtles do everything slow.
:'''Servo, Crow, and Jonah''': ''[singing]'' And turtles do everything slooow...

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Hiroshi and Tommy navigate the miniature submarine through Gamera's lungs]''
:'''Jonah''': This is the most stressful game of Operation ever played. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Hiroshi and Tommy venture out into Gamera's lung]''
:'''Jonah''': ''[singing]''  [[w:Pure Imagination|Come with me, and you'll see, a world of turtle respiration! Steal your dad's submarine, and attempt resuscitation.]]
:'''Hiroshi''': Tommy, I think this is it over here. Dr. Matsui, there's a small hole in his side. 
:'''Dr. Matsui''': A hole? Be very careful. 
:'''Servo''': [[#Eegah|Watch out for snakes]].

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as the Gamera theme plays and Gamera flies off with Jiger's dead body]''
:'''Servo, Crow, and Jonah''': ''[singing]'' Gamera take the body home! Gonna eat the flesh from bone! Keto diet Gamera!
:'''Crow''': Oh weird, they're being trailed by cans and a banner that says &quot;Just married&quot;.
:'''Servo, Crow, and Jonah''': ''[singing]'' Gamera's a movie that has no end in sight! No going home! This is now your life!

=== The Batwoman ===

==== The Batwoman (movie) ====

:''[as the Batwoman rides a horse through a Mexican village to a jazz melody]''
:'''Emily''': Wow, Gotham got hit hard by the recession. 
:'''Crow''': Spaghetti westerns only wish they were Sultry Jazz Westerns.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as reporters crowd Batwoman]''
:'''Emily''': Batwoman, when will you release your tax returns?
:'''Servo''': Batwoman, what's your position on pants? 
:'''Crow''': Is it true the [[w:Zack Snyder's Justice League|Snyder Cut]] of ''Batwoman'' has 25% more spearfishing?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Dr. Eric Williams''': You're about to witness the discovery of the century!
:'''Servo [as Williams]''': Stock footage!
:'''Dr. Williams''': From the depths of the ocean, over 400 million years ago,  surfaced the beginnings of the human race!
:'''Emily''': Is this a Scientology pitch?
:'''Dr. Williams''': And it all began with the first vertebrate, the fish! Starting from that point, we will make the regress into the dawn of evolution. 
:'''Crow''': Oh, edibles are hitting. 
:'''Dr. Williams''': And we will create a new being with the likeness of our ancestors: a human amphibious hybrid! ''[laughs maniacally]''
:'''Emily''': Oh, now I hate when comedians laugh at their own jokes.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Crow''': Well, Danny Elfman lost his job to an alarm clock. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Henchman''': ''[bringing Batwoman to Dr. Williams]'' Boss, look who we found! Get in here!
:''[Batwoman begins to fight the henchmen]''
:'''Crow''': Pow!
:'''Servo''': Biff!
:''[Dr. Williams grabs a scalpel and moves for Batwoman]''
:'''Emily''': Grab!
:'''Crow''': Lunge!
:''[Batwoman grabs a beaker of acid and throws it in Dr. Williams' face]''
:'''Servo''': Acid!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Servo''': ''Batwoman'', the movie that dares to say, &quot;We rented an underwater camera, and we're going to get every last peso out of it!&quot;

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[a car pulls out as a drum set plays the start of some upbeat music]''
:'''Servo''': I do ''not'' like the sound of that transmission. 

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[during a car chase scene involving henchmen and Batwoman]''
:'''Servo''': ''[singing to the chase music]'' Baaatwoman swerves. Baaatwoman drives. With Baaatwoman nerve, Baaatwoman jives!
:'''Emily''': See, this is why you've got to have a dashcam. 
:''[Batwoman honks her horn at the henchmen]''
:'''Crow''': Ah, yeah. Honk your horn. That'll show 'em.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Batwoman swims through a school of fish]''
:'''Emily''': I'm pretty sure she was in [[w:The Aquabats|the Aquabats]].
:'''Servo''': Well, she's in [[w:Phish|Phish]] now.
:'''Crow''': Clearly.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Batwoman is chased into an underwater patch of kelp]''
:'''Servo''': [[w:Help! (song)|Kelp! I need somebody...]]
:'''Emily''': Please no. Please no. 
:'''Servo''': [[w:With a Little Help from My Friends|I get by with a little kelp from my friends...]]
:'''Crow''': No no no, you really shouldn't. 
:'''Servo''': Sorry. I can't kelp myself. 
:'''Crow and Emily''': Uuugh!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Dr. Williams''': It'll be interesting to see if a woman can survive this kind of surgery and restore her pineal fluids without dying. Up to date, no man has been able to, but maybe the female gender is actually the most adequate to carry out this experiment for biological reasons.
:'''Mario''': You're insane, doctor!
:'''Dr. Williams''': You may be right, but as a matter of fact, there's an invisible line separating insanity and genius!
:'''Servo''': The [[w:Kanye West|Kanye]] line.

=== [[w:The Million Eyes of Sumuru|The Million Eyes of Sumuru]] ===

:'''Bonsey''': Oh, this one sounds familiar. 
:'''Ardy''': Shhhh...

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Servo''': ''[dressed as Sir Anthony]'' Well old chaps, let's go over this bally mission one last time, what what?
:'''Jonah''': Huh?
:'''Crow''': ''[dressed as Medika]'' It's simple. HMG and the CIA need you to get the VIP from the USA in his BMW to the HMV near the BBC with his DB at an ETA of 9:00 AM GMT.
:'''Jonah''': Huh?
:'''Crow''': Greenwich Mean Time!
:'''Servo''': Jolly good, and I've arranged for the VP of HMV to arrive in a GMC supplied by MI5 ASAP with a 4k HDTV tuned to HGTV with a soundtrack by the Bee Gees.
:'''Jonah''': Huh?!
:'''Crow''': Pay attention! This all has to go like clockwork!
:'''Servo''': Yes yes, the CW. So anyway, FYI...
:'''Jonah''': Oh, I know that one! For your information.
:'''Crow''': Don't be ridiculous! That's Federal Yellowdress Informant. She'll meet the BMW at the UN with the USMC, BTO, CCR, and UB40 while you ROTFL on AOL, then BRB so we can TTYL.
:'''Jonah''': Talk to you later. 
:'''Crow''': Correct!
:'''Jonah''': Ah! Then why'd you- oh you...
:'''Servo''': Precisely. Oklahoma University. So you see, the MC5 will approach the NSA VIP with their new CD on the QT, in the MI5 BMW at the VW and OMG, IRL, IMO, BTW, LOL, BRB. ABC NBC CBS AMC TNT CMA GMO ASPCA UCLA YMCA ICUP, OK?
:'''Crow''': Yeah, what do you say to that?
:'''Jonah''': Uh, OWGMS.
:'''Crow and Servo''': Huh?
:''[movie sign sounds]''
:'''Jonah''' Oh, we got movie sign!

==== The Million Eyes of Sumuru (movie) ====

:''[a bridge explodes as a funeral parade passes over it]''
:'''Crow''': It's a boy!
:'''Jonah''': Yay!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jonah [as spy]''': ''[as a female spy takes off her sunglasses and looks into the camera]'' Hello viewer, there were five mistakes in that scene. Can ''you'' name them all?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Medika''': ''[being wheeled away by a group of women]'' Mr. West!
:'''Nick West''': Hey, wait a minute!
:'''Crow [as a nurse]''': But we have to surgery. 
:''[Nick runs to the group of women as they turn to him with medical tools]''
:'''Jonah [as a nurse]''': Feet in the stirrups, come on buddy.
:'''Nick West''': Look ladies. My blue cross is all paid up. 
:''[a nun sneaks behind him and incapacitates him]''
:'''Servo [as nun]''': Sorry, but this is out of network. 
:'''Jonah [as nun]''': And then there were nun! ''[the nun slowly looks into the camera with an evil smile]'' Ha. Get it?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Sumuru is handed a gun]''
:'''Nick West''': What's that thing?
:'''Servo [as Sumuru]''': It's for mommy's headaches.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Servo''': Frankie Avalon's hair comes courtesy of Build-A-Bear Workshop.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Sumuru''': Erno, are his clothes packed?
:'''Erno''': Yes, my lady. 
:'''Nick West''': Oh dear, I hope you were careful with that blue suit. It creases so. 
:'''Crow [as Sumuru]''': Burn the suit. 
:'''Sumuru''': And take care of his bill. 
:'''Nick West''': Yes, I wouldn't like to have an unpaid hotel bill on my conscience. 
:'''Sumuru''': Keep joking, Mr. West. 
:'''Crow, Servo, and Jonah''': Please don't. 
:'''Sumuru''': You will be finished with jokes before the night is out. 
:'''Crow, Servo, and Jonah''': Us too.
:'''Nick West''': I was beginning to run out of material anyway. 
:'''Crow, Servo, and Jonah''': Agreed.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Helga undresses behind a curtain as a shirtless Tommy Carter sits with his back to it]''
:'''Crow [as Frankie Avalon]''': I don't get it. Why aren't I making out right now? I'm Frankie Avalon! Is the universe playing a joke on me? 
:...
:''[Helga comes out from behind the curtain, wrapped in a towel]''
:'''Crow''': Sham-wow!
:'''Tommy Carter''': Well, what'd you have in mind?
:'''Helga''': Well, to prove to you I have no concealed weapons... ''[reveals herself to Tommy Carter, who smiles]''
:'''Servo [as Frankie Avalon]''': It's about damn time. I'm Frankie Avalon! 
:''[Tommy Carter drops his pistol]''
:'''Jonah''': Bang!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Sumuru whips Nick West in a dungeon]''
:'''Servo''': Okay, if there are any kids watching, it's past your bedtimes.

=== [[w:H. G. Wells' The Shape of Things to Come|H.G. Wells' The Shape of Things to Come]] ===

==== H.G. Wells' The Shape of Things to Come (movie) ====

:''[a robot presses a big red &quot;cancel&quot; button]''
:'''Emily''': Meanwhile, at ''Netflix''...

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[shot of a computer screen giving various readings]''
:'''Servo [as an officer]''': It's called Twitter. It's gonna be ''great'' for the discourse.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Dr. John Caball dons a silver radiation suit]''
:'''Servo''': Chernobyl for a prom theme. What were they thinking?
:'''Crow [as Dr. Caball]''': Alright, you're gonna wanna cook me at 350 degrees for about 70 minutes, you'll know when I'm done when a fork easily pierces my skin. Load me up with butter and don't skimp on the chives. I'm a potato.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Dr. Caball gazes out into space]''
:'''Dr. Caball''': Well, we're on our way. Out there is the vastness of space... the unknown...
:'''Crow''': [[w:Monty Python and the Holy Grail|It's only a model.]]

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Kim Smedley''': Funny, I still think of myself as an Earth child. 
:'''Servo''': Emily, do you still think of yourself as an Earth child? 
:'''Emily''': Oh, I don't know. Ask me after I've been here for seven years. 
:'''Crow''': Uh, no human has ever lived here that long. Just ask the other guys. 
:'''Emily''': Wait, what?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Sparks''': ''[to Jason Caball]'' Let me lead the way. 
:'''Emily''': Aw, that's sweet. Would you guys ever escort me into a dangerous unknown situation?
:'''Servo''': Uh, I'd walk with you so I could better criticize your choices.
:'''Crow''': I'd let you walk in front of me so you could shield me from the worst of the shrapnel. 
:'''Servo''': And I'd definitely film the whole thing for [[w:WorldStarHipHop|WorldStarHipHop]].
:'''Crow and Servo''': WorldStar!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Emily''': Hey, what would you call an almost perfect ripoff of the [[w:USS Enterprise (NCC-1701)|USS ''Enterprise'']]?
:'''Servo''': The USS Compromise.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Omus tortures Dr. Caball with high pitched sound, causing him to scream and spasm]''
:'''Emily''': You know, I do the same thing when I can't get [[w:Baby Shark|&quot;Baby Shark&quot;]] out of my head either.

=== [[w:The Mask (1961 film)|The Mask]] ===

:'''Max''': Good evening, Jonah. Prepare yourselves for a night of thrills, chills, and since I'm making soup, very likely spills.
:'''Kinga''': Max, I told you to get Growler and M. Waverly to clear away those cobwebs! The Gizmoplex looks like the inside of Charles Addams' coffin.
:'''Max''': I just thought, because it's Halloween and all-
:'''Kinga''': You thought you'd be lazier than usual? Clean it up!
:'''Max''': Fine, but if the Great Pumpkin doesn't show up, I'm blaming you.
:'''Kinga''': Uh, there is no Great Pumpkin. Haven't you ever seen the end of [[w:It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown|the special]]?
:'''Max''': I never get that far, because it's too scary!

==== The Mask (movie) ====

:''[when the Warner Brothers logo appears]''
:'''Jonah''': Warner Brothers? Are we in the right theater?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jim Moran''': I've seen masks unearthed from the ruins of crumbling tombs and masks hanging in exotic temples to ward off evil spirits. 
:'''Jonah [as Jim Moran]''': And goofy ghosts.
:'''Jim Moran''': ''[beckons to a decorated skull shaped mask]''  But nowhere, in all my travels, have I seen anything to compare to the power of this mask...
:'''Crow''': The [[w:Misfits (band)|Misfits]] logo!
:'''Jim Moran''': ... and the horrible curse it bears. This is the mask in which our story revolves, and I can tell you that even though I'm not superstitious, I wouldn't put it on for all the wealth of the Indies.
:'''Jonah [as Jim Moran]''': Or a Klondike bar.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Dr. Allan Barnes''': Exactly what is this mask?
:'''Michael Radin''': ''[under duress]'' The mask is to blame. You're just not aware of its power. 
:'''GPC [as Michael]''': It's toxic mask-ulinity.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[dramatic chord as Michael commits suicide offscreen, and a Chinese themed bobblehead shakes its head]''
:'''Jonah''': For a bobblehead, you're really judgemental. And racist.
:'''Crow [as bobblehead]''': Aye-aye-aye-aye-aye...
:''[Mrs. Kelly knocks on the door]''
:'''Servo [as Mrs. Kelly]''': Michael? I heard low brass. Did something ominous just happen, Michael? ''[Mrs. Kelly opens the door]'' Michael where are- oh! ''[Mrs. Kelly screams in horror]''
:''[a shot of Michael's body under a cover, his hands in a rigid form]''
:'''Jonah''': He died doing what he loved: jazz hands.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Dr. Barnes puts the mask on, and enters a hellish demonic trance]''
:'''Crow, Servo, and Jonah''': [[w:Magic Carpet Ride (Steppenwolf song)|You don't know what we can find, why don't you come with me, Dr. Barnes, on a 3D carpet ride!]]
:'''Crow''': Is this what it feels like to chew 5 Gum?
:''[shot of a skull with its eyes]''
:'''Servo''': Ack ack! Ack ack ack!
:''[the skull dissolves leaving only the eyes, which zoom forward past the screen repeatedly]''
:'''Jonah''': Irises, pupils, and cataracts, oh my! Irises, pupils, and cataracts, oh my!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Pam Albright''': Allan, I want you to get help from someone. Someone you can trust.
:'''Crow [as Pam]''': Like Jake, from Statefarm.
:'''Dr. Barnes''': Trust? There's no one I can trust. 
:'''Servo [as Dr. Barnes]''': Not even Flo from Progressive.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jonah''': This movie is like a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, seen through the migraine-inducing idea of 3D glasses.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[Dr. Barnes takes off the mask]''
:'''Crow''': Thank you for using Mask. Be sure not to operate heavy machinery after applying mask.
:'''Servo''': Do not combine Mask with alcohol or other masks.
:'''Jonah''': Mask is not responsible for any car chases or murders the operator commits. 
:'''Crow''': Side-effects include greasy face and crunchy pants. Ask your doctor about Mask today.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Pam Albright''': Do you have to take the drug again, Allan? Is it like an addiction that builds until every pore of your body craves for it? Breathes for it? Is that what you feel, Allan?
:''[Dr. Barnes covers his ears and leans against a bookshelf]''
:'''Crow [as Dr. Barnes]''': I can't hear you! I'm a book now!
:'''Pam Albright''': The need to satisfy the beast that's eating into you?
:'''Servo''': ''[singing]'' [[w:Snickers|There's a hunger inside you...]]
:'''Pam Albright''': And when you put it on again, what will it be like?
:'''Servo''': ''[singing]'' Won't go away...
:'''Pam Albright''': Like a shot, a jolt, a charge that cools your burning body?
:'''Crow''': It's grease lightning!
:'''Pam Albright''': Will it lift you up and carry you along until you're ready to be plunged down again? Deeper, deeper, each time deeper until you die?!
:'''Dr. Barnes''': Shut up, SHUT UP!
:'''Servo [as Dr. Barnes]''': You're killing me with this Word Jazz!
:'''Pam Albright''': Tell me I'm not right.
:'''Jonah [as Hank Hill]''': [[w:King of the Hill|That Pam ain't right.]]

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Pam Albright''': ''[on the phone]'' Police department, please. 
:'''Servo [as Pam]''': Yes, I'm white.

=== [[w:The Bubble (1966 film)|The Bubble]] ===

:'''Kinga''': Your experiment today, Joel, may possibly be one of the worst films we've ever presented. Sorry, not sorry.
:'''Joel''': Hey, how bad could it be? I had to riff ''Manos''.
:'''Kinga''': Ardy?
:'''Ardy''': Oh, this movie's upsetting on a profound existential level. I'd advise you to put a disclaimer on it ASAP if you're still intending to use it as part of the experiment. 
:'''Kinga''': So on a scale from ''Mitchell'' to ''Monsters-a-Go-Go'', where would you say this lands?
:'''Ardy''': Ah, well let me put it this way. We built the whole Kingachrome system around ''Manos: The Hands of Fate'' and even that didn't have the effect this movie's having on our facility.  This may just be the wolf mother of all bad movies. 
:'''Kinga''': You think you're so smart, Robinson. &quot;I had to watch ''Manos''. Da da da da da-&quot; HA! Face the cinematic claustrophobia that is ''The Bubble''. FLUSH THEM THE MOVIEEEEE!
:'''Ardy''': Movie in the hole!

==== The Bubble (movie) ====

:''[as Catherine enters labor]''
:'''Mark''': I don't know what to do. 
:'''Catherine''':  You're taking all this too seriously. After all now, what's childbirth? Just a sexy bellyache.
:'''Joel''': Is it?
:'''Catherine''': Oh God, this one's king-sized!
:'''Mark''': Honey, I'm sorry. 
:'''Crow''': It's too late for that. 
:'''Catherine''': What's there to be sorry about? I wanna hatch him out. I'm tired of being his big fat private incubator. 
:'''Mark''': Well, just hold on for a little while longer. We'll be out of this. This guy's a hell of a pilot. 
:'''Servo [as Mark]''': According to Craigslist. 
:'''Catherine''': Better be a hell of an obstetrician. 
:'''Mark''': No... just hold it in, please?
:'''Joel [as Mark]''': Yeah, there's gotta be a rest stop around here, somewhere.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Joel''': This opening sequence is a clickbait article just waiting to happen.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Catherine''': By the way, what happened to Mr. Airplane? You know, what's his name? Herric?
:'''Mark''': Tony Herric. He found himself a saloon, and a girl. I think I'm gonna join him. 
:'''Crow, Servo, and Joel''': What?!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Tony and Mark drive through the mysterious town]''
:'''Mark''': Never seen such mixed up architecture. It almost looks like the backside of a movie lot.
:'''Tony''': That's it! A movie lot, big deal.
:'''Mark''': Yeah, of course. 
:'''Crow [as Mark]''': That explains everything. 
:'''Mark''': The people in the costumes, the... the cables coming from underneath the lampposts...
:'''Servo [as Mark]''': This guy who keeps yelling at me to act better. 
:'''Mark''': But I don't see any- any cameras, Tony. 
:'''Tony''': Friend, all I want is the exit. 
:'''Joel [as Tony]''': One of these warp pipes should get us out of here.
:...
:'''Tony''': Ah, to hell with it, all I want's my plane. 
:'''Servo''': All I want's the end credits.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Servo''': You know, it just dawned on me. They're really having a tough time.
:'''Crow''': Yeah, this movie's helping me put my little problems into perspective. 
:'''Joel''': That's right, my little robot friends, no matter how bad your day is, you can always say &quot;At least I'm not in Arch Oboler's ''The Bubble''.&quot;
:'''Servo''': But, we are watching Arch Oboler's ''The Bubble'', and that's pretty bad. 
:'''Joel''': Yeah, I guess I'm sorry I tried to cheer us up.  This blows.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Mark''': Look, isn't it about time?
:'''Servo''': Uh-oh...
:'''Mark''': That you face reality?
:'''Joel''': Oh, apt thing to say to a new mom. 
:'''Catherine''': Reality? What reality?
:'''Crow''': You're soaking in it. 
:'''Catherine''': That either I'm in some kind of a nightmare from which I can't want up, or if what you say is true, then... then I'm part of a human zoo. 
:'''Servo''': You make it sound so metal. 
:'''Catherine''': I'd rather be in that nightmare. 
:'''Joel''': This is why you talk about human zoos before you get married. 
:'''Mark''': In a zoo? Were we so free before? Was I, the nine to five routine year after year? 
:'''Catherine''': But Mark, to live like an animal under the eye of-
:'''Mark''': Since when haven't I been under an eye?
:'''Catherine''': As a child. 
:'''Mark''': As a child, hell, first, first there was school, then there was the army, then after the army, the job.
:'''Crow [as Mark]''': Then came army school.
:'''Mark''': When hadn't there been some kind of eye watching over me? Stop tearing yourself apart over a world that doesn't even exist anymore.
:'''Servo''': The end!
:'''Mark''': Be grateful for this one. Well what's the matter with this place?
:'''Crow [as Catherine]''': Dull.
:'''Mark''': The walk? Keeps out meanness and hate. 
:'''Joel''': And entertainment. 
:'''Mark''': Yeah, even the bomb.
:'''Crow''': Whoa, that's heavy. 
:'''Catherine''': They're walking dead!
:'''Mark''': Well, we're not they. We don't eat what they eat. Look, we know what we're doing. 
:'''Servo [as Mark]''': We're chill.
:'''Mark''': We can live out our lives here, Cath, and by ourselves in perfect health and perfect security. 
:'''Joel [as Mark]''': Thanks to ADT.
:'''Mark''': Well what's wrong with that?
:'''Catherine''': I... I look up there... and I think to myself...
:'''Crow [as Louis Armstrong]''': [[w: What a Wonderful World|What a bubbleful world!]]

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Mark walks along the bubble barrier in a daze]''
:'''Servo''': This is what I imagine it feels like to work for Amazon.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Crow''': It finally happened. I'm completely out of things to say! It's like riffing on the same movie over and over and over again! I CAN'T TAKE IT! ''THE BUBBLE'' IS REAL!!! AHHHHH! ''[runs out of the theater]''
:'''Servo and Joel''': Wonder what he wanted.

=== [[w:The Christmas Dragon|The Christmas Dragon]] ===

:'''Bonsey''': God help us, everyone. 
:'''Ardy''': Movie in the ho-ho-hole!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Crow''': So, now I'm totally confused about Christmas. 
:'''GPC 2''': Yeah, does this mean Rudolph can breathe fire?
:'''Servo''': And how does the magic crystal figure into the nativity story? Ugh, whoever interpreted the Dead Sea Scrolls really dropped the ball on this one.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Jonah''': It feels like we're moving!
:'''Emily''': Well let's make it count boys, let's do the theme song!
:'''Jonah''': Which one? There's like 12.
:'''Joel''': Uh, I only know the lyrics to Mike's.

==== The Christmas Dragon (movie) ====

:''[Gazared and Boomtall approach Ayden's parents]''
:'''Gazared''': Taxes. 
:'''Ayden's Mother''': Do you steal from every person you collect, or just us? 
:'''Gazared''': Are you going to give me the payment, or do you need... persuading?
:'''Ayden's Father''': I'm not giving you anything. I shall deliver my payment to Lord Rothford himself.
:'''Gazared''': I don't think our lord visits many men in the dungeon. Arrest him!
:''[thugs draw swords and approach]''
:'''Crow [as a thug]''': Alright, certified public accountants, let's crunch some numbers!
:''[Ayden's Father punches a thug, starting a brief fight]''
:'''Crow, Servo, and Emily''': ''[singing]'' [[w:Wonderful Christmastime|Sim-ply ha-ving a wonderful Christmastime!]]
:'''Ayden''': ''[comes out of hiding]'' No!
:'''Servo [as Ayden]''': File an extension!
:'''Ayden's Father''': ''[stops the fight]'' Alright! Alright. Enough. 
:'''Emily [as Gazared]''': Really? You were winning. 
:'''Ayden's Father''': I'll get the money. 
:'''Crow [as Ayden's Father]''': We can Airbnb our hut.
:'''Ayden's Father''': Just don't hurt her. 
:'''Gazared''': I wouldn't dream of hurting her. Not when I can get such a fair price for another child in the mines. Get them in the wagon! ''[the struggle resumes]''
:'''Crow, Servo, and Emily''': ''[singing]'' Sim-ply ha-ving a wonderful Christmastime!

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Fin''': Where's Garrett?
:'''Servo [as Ayden]''': He decided to leave us and join a family of giraffes with his long neck and all. ''[sobs]''

 &lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Rand baits a hook and tosses it in the river]''
:'''Ayden''': Good idea, Rand. You see? If we all work together, we can make it. 
:'''Joel [as Ayden]''': But not if we keep throwing all our food in the water. 
:'''Hoyt''': What do you think you're going to catch?
:'''Servo''': Lyme disease.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[a river monster rams and topples the boat and its occupants]''
:'''Crow, Servo, and Joel''': ''[singing]'' Sim-ply ha-ving a wonderful Christmastime!
:'''Crow''': Disney's Jungle Cruise claims another five souls.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Servo''': Drinking age, 21. Life expectancy, 16. So unfair.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Arik beckons for the orphans to keep quiet as they approach a dragon]''
:'''Servo [as Arik/Elmer Fudd]''': Be vewy vewy qwuiet. We don't have a permit to film here. Huhuhuh.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Ayden befriends the dragon]''
:'''Servo''': It's the look of Spielbergian awe you can only get by staring lovingly at a tennis ball taped to a stick on a Toronto sound stage.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:'''Ayden''': ''[to the dragon]'' Stay off that wing. 
:'''Jonah [as the dragon]''': ''[the dragon nods]'' Alright, ''mom''.
:'''Ayden''': Even though it's healing fast, no flying. You need your rest. 
:'''Crow [as Ayden]''': And if DreamWorks lawyers come, we were never here. 
:'''Saerwen''': Don't worry...
:'''Servo [as Saerwen]''': I left money for pizza. 
:'''Saerwen''': You've created a sacred bond with her. You two will always be able to find one another. 
:'''Jonah''': Thanks to social media. 
:''[Arik approaches them]''
:'''Crow''': Third wheel alert. 
:'''Ayden''': We're going north. Catch up with us when you can. 
:'''Servo [as the dragon]''': I get it. You guys can't afford to put me in the next couple scenes, can you?

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Arik and Saerwen kiss]''
:'''Jonah [as Arik]''': Come on, let's give these kids something to talk to their therapist about.

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as the dragon is hooked to Father Christmas' sleigh]''
:'''Emily''': Oh man, guys look, they ''sleighed'' the dragon. 
:'''Joel''': Oh, that's neat. 
:'''Jonah''': Oh, come on, Emily...

&lt;hr width=50%/&gt;
:''[as Father Christmas, the dragon, and the orphans dive at Gazared and her thugs]''
:'''Jonah [as Ayden]''': The spirit of the yuletide! Faster, Santa! KILL! KILL!
:''[Gazared and the thugs jump into a river]''
:'''Emily [as Father Christmas]''': Eat tinsel, bastards!
:'''Joel [as Father Christmas]''': Alright, now let's turn around and finish them off! We'll go after their families, and to all a goodnight! 
:'''Jonah, Emily, and Joel''': Ho ho ho!</text>
      <sha1>lvzllk0w8xo5m04arv201cr9qodmatu</sha1>
    </revision>
  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Regular Show: The Lost Tapes</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>307198</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3942567</id>
      <parentid>3941745</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-05-18T23:30:13Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Bszabo15</username>
        <id>1085757</id>
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      <origin>3942567</origin>
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      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="2488" sha1="h2e2p67lqcjz9j4k2782mmi8mfcm026" xml:space="preserve">----
:'''Seasons:'''  [[Regular Show (season 1)|1]] [[Regular Show (season 2)|2]] [[Regular Show (season 3)|3]] [[Regular Show (season 4)|4]] [[Regular Show (season 5)|5]] [[Regular Show (season 6)|6]] [[Regular Show (season 7)|7]] [[Regular Show (season 8)|8]] | [[Regular Show: The Movie|Film]] | [[Regular Show: The Lost Tapes|The Lost Tapes]] | [[Regular Show|Main]]
----
{{italic title}}
'''''{{w|Regular Show: The Lost Tapes}}''''' (2026–present) is an animated series produced by [[w:Cartoon Network|Cartoon Network]] and a revival of ''[[Regular Show]]''.
{{tv-stub}}

==Episodes==
===''Fix That Tape''===
{{Section-stub}}

===''Skips' Luau''===
&lt;hr width=100%/&gt;
:''[Mordecai and Rigby are driving in the cart, connected to a trailer holding piles of trash bags]''
:'''Rigby''': Dude, can't you drive any faster? We gotta dump this trizz-ash at the dizz-ump, so we can go to Skips' luau!
:'''Mordecai''': Oh, yeah! Gonna cool down in luau town!
:'''Rigby''': We gonna lu up, down and around!
:''[Mordecai and Rigby start rapping]''
:'''Mordecai''': Take the trash to the dump and drive a bit further!
:'''Rigby''': T-to take a bite of the luau burger!
:'''Mordecai''': Luau!
:''[Mordecai and Rigby hula dance with their arms]''
:'''Both''': Luau!

&lt;hr width=100%/&gt;
:'''Benson''': You know what? You two just got your wheel privileges revoked! And I'd better not see you two at Skips's luau until all this trash is at the dump!
:'''Mordecai''': But that's all the way on the other side of the park!
:'''Benson''': Not my problem.

&lt;hr width=100%/&gt;
:'''Rigby''' : Well, I hope you guys saved us some nice, big, juicy--
:'''Benson''': You two better clean up this mess, '''OR''' &lt;span style=&quot;color:red&quot;&gt;&lt;big&gt;&lt;big&gt;'''''YOU'RE FIRED!!!!!'''''&lt;/big&gt;&lt;/big&gt;
:''[He walks away as Rigby picks up two luau burgers from the ground]''
:'''Rigby''': Dude, check it out!
:''[Rigby gives one to Mordecai and they start eating their luau burgers]''
:'''Mordecai''': Totally worth it.

===''Blade Games''===
:''[Mordecai and Rigby groan as Benson turns off the TV]''
:'''Benson''': '''GET TO WORK RIGHT NOW!'''
:'''Mordecai &amp; Rigby''': Fine.

===''Nap Spot''===
:'''Pops''': Oh, my! Someone's feeling themselves.
:'''Hi Five Ghost''': Yeah, nice duds, dudes!
:'''Skips''': It's too much denim.
:'''Benson''': I just don't have the bandwidth today.

===''Coffee Shop Wars''===
{{Section-stub}}

===''Boba or Bo-Bust''===
{{Section-stub}}

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}
[[Category:Regular Show]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>User:Khandaker Ripon Bio</title>
    <ns>2</ns>
    <id>307215</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3942594</id>
      <parentid>3941189</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-05-19T02:38:54Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Khandaker Ripon Bio</username>
        <id>3320082</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* */</comment>
      <origin>3942594</origin>
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      <text bytes="38" sha1="b0o9ouowtjf62lw70la9oiviwcze9gi" xml:space="preserve">[[খন্দকার রিপন]]</text>
      <sha1>b0o9ouowtjf62lw70la9oiviwcze9gi</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3942595</id>
      <parentid>3942594</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-05-19T02:39:21Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Khandaker Ripon Bio</username>
        <id>3320082</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* */</comment>
      <origin>3942595</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="19" sha1="1la4ippffkpw9mhsrb20ycgpbng7toj" xml:space="preserve">[[Khandaker Ripon]]</text>
      <sha1>1la4ippffkpw9mhsrb20ycgpbng7toj</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3942597</id>
      <parentid>3942595</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-05-19T02:43:36Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Khandaker Ripon Bio</username>
        <id>3320082</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* */</comment>
      <origin>3942597</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
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      <text bytes="732" sha1="0srcgy27myqcm0k1nyt0eho30i13p56" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Tanjimul Islam Tareq.png|thumb|I left the educational environment in a state of irrational madness, to see the myriad forms of the world.]]
'''[[w:Tanjimul Islam Tareq |Tanjimul Islam Tareq]]''' is a Bangladeshi serial [[entrepreneur]] known for his resilience and innovative approach to business. He has founded several successful companies, including Ocleno&lt;ref&gt;https://rocketreach.co/tanjimul-islam-tareq-email_418863742&lt;/ref&gt;&lt;ref&gt;https://www.abnewswire.com/pressreleases/entrepreneur-tanjimul-islam-tareq-revolutionizes-tech-industry-with-ocleno-a-visionary-founders-journey_676170.html&lt;/ref&gt;, Infinity Bulletin, Wolf Express Limited&lt;ref&gt;https://wolfexpresslimited.com/partners/&lt;/ref&gt;, and Bangla Knowledge, among others.</text>
      <sha1>0srcgy27myqcm0k1nyt0eho30i13p56</sha1>
    </revision>
    <revision>
      <id>3942598</id>
      <parentid>3942597</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-05-19T02:47:56Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Khandaker Ripon Bio</username>
        <id>3320082</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* */</comment>
      <origin>3942598</origin>
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      <text bytes="0" sha1="phoiac9h4m842xq45sp7s6u21eteeq1" />
      <sha1>phoiac9h4m842xq45sp7s6u21eteeq1</sha1>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Tola (biblical figure)</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>307379</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3942292</id>
      <parentid>3941810</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-05-18T12:37:29Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor />
      <comment>removed [[Category:Hebrew Bible judges]]; added [[Category:Judges of Israel]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]]</comment>
      <origin>3942292</origin>
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      <text bytes="784" sha1="jc5qy2s84hteyktig9q623hfklr6v51" xml:space="preserve">According to the Bible, '''[[w:Tola (biblical figure)|Tola]]''' was one of the [[w:Biblical judges|Judges of Israel]]. His career is summarised in [[Book of Judges|Judges]] 10:1-2. He judged Israel for 23 years after [[Abimelech (Judges)|Abimelech]] died. He lived at Shamir in [[w:Mount Ephraim|Mount Ephraim]], where he was also buried.

==Quotes about==
*After [[Abimelech (Judges)|Abimelech]] there arose to save Israel Tola the son of Puah, the son of Dodo, a man of Issachar; and he dwelt in Shamir in the mountains of Ephraim. He judged Israel twenty-three years; and he died and was buried in Shamir.
:*[[Book of Judges]] 10:1-2 [[w:New King James Version|NKJV]].

==External links==
{{Wikipedia}}

[[Category:BCE births]]
[[Category:BCE deaths]]
[[Category:Judges of Israel]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Jair (biblical figure)</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>307380</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3942293</id>
      <parentid>3941815</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-05-18T12:37:40Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>UDScott</username>
        <id>4304</id>
      </contributor>
      <minor />
      <comment>removed [[Category:Hebrew Bible judges]]; added [[Category:Judges of Israel]] using [[Help:Gadget-HotCat|HotCat]]</comment>
      <origin>3942293</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="1688" sha1="jpsasklwj66bsao9tx7e161mz8ic7bv" xml:space="preserve">In the [[w:Hebrew Bible|Biblical]] [[Book of Judges]], '''Jair''' or '''Yair''' was a man from [[w:Gilead|Gilead]]. He was of the [[Tribe of Manasseh]] and also descended from the [[Tribe of Judah]] (Numbers 32:39-41, 1 Chronicles 2:21-23). Jair [[w:Hebrew Bible judges|judged Israel]] for 22 years, after the death of [[Tola (biblical figure)|Tola]], who had ruled for 23 years. His inheritance was in Gilead through the line of [[w:Machir|Machir]], the son of Manasseh.

==Quotes about==
* After him ([[Tola (biblical figure)|Tola]]) arose Jair, a Gileadite; and he judged Israel twenty-two years. Now he had thirty sons who rode on thirty donkeys; they also had thirty towns, which are called “Havoth Jair” to this day, which are in the land of Gilead.
:*[[Book of Judges]] 10:3-4 [[w:New King James Version|NKJV]].

*And the children of Machir the son of Manasseh went to Gilead and took it, and dispossessed the Amorites who were in it. So [[Moses]] gave Gilead to Machir the son of Manasseh, and he dwelt in it. Also Jair the son of Manasseh went and took its small towns, and called them Havoth Jair.
:*[[Book of Numbers]] 32:39-41 NKJV.

*Now afterward Hezron went in to the daughter of Machir the father of Gilead, whom he married when he was sixty years old; and she bore him Segub. Segub begot Jair, who had twenty-three cities in the land of Gilead. (Geshur and Syria took from them the towns of Jair, with Kenath and its towns—sixty towns.) All these belonged to the sons of Machir the father of Gilead.
:*[[Books of Chronicles|1 Chronicles]] 2:21-23 NKJV.

==External links==
{{Wikipedia}}

[[Category:BCE births]]
[[Category:BCE deaths]]
[[Category:Judges of Israel]]</text>
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  </page>
  <page>
    <title>Dereck Joubert</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>307383</id>
    <revision>
      <id>3942288</id>
      <parentid>3942282</parentid>
      <timestamp>2026-05-18T12:04:43Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Mariomassone</username>
        <id>67935</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>/* Hunting with the Moon */</comment>
      <origin>3942288</origin>
      <model>wikitext</model>
      <format>text/x-wiki</format>
      <text bytes="14644" sha1="1b3q8immi0xdh0bvaogrwot12z5ciot" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Dereck Joubert|Dereck Joubert]]''' (born 3 March 1956) is a South African-born filmmaker, author, conservationist and National Geographic explorer-at-large based in Botswana.

==Quotes==
===''Lions of Darkness''===
:&lt;small&gt;Joubert, Dereck. &quot;Lions of Darkness&quot;. ''National Geographic''. Vol. 186, No. 2. August 1994. pp. 35-53&lt;/small&gt;
*We have known these lions since 1981. We often awake to find Maome's pride sleeping around our vehicle, one lion's head propped up against a tire, as they wait for the moonlight to dim. The pride currently includes seven lionesses, plus two mature members that are semi-permanent members. Maome is easy to identify. She is missing the last four inches of her tail, an unmistakable field mark. Motsumi, the big lioness, bears large scars on her back. We have followed her since she was three weeks old and witnessed crises such as her cubs' death — and nearly her own — from a cobra attack.&lt;br&gt;Some lions had been named by previous researchers, and some, like Motsumi and Mandevu, one of the males, we named. The other male is Ntwadumela, a formidable mouthful for a forceful lion. In the Setswana language it means &quot;he who greets with fire&quot;. Hr was named this because when his quarry is in sight, Ntwadumela never hesitates.
*We have often seen hyenas inflict vicious wounds on a lioness that has become separated from her pride, with no kill present to quarrel over. And lions will deliberately hunt down hyenas and kill them without bothering to feed on the remains. Twice we have seen Ntwadumela charge directly into a hyena clan and kill the ruling female.&lt;br&gt;One day the lions win. The next, the hyenas. Why? After watching a skirmish, I wondered if the outcome of individual battles could be predicted. Could the combined weight of each side be the determining factor? A pride of Savuti lions comprises about ten animals, while a hyena clan varies between 18 and 40. An adult lioness weighs approximately 300 pounds and a hyena as much as 175 pounds. But in a clash, each side is rarely at full strength. For various reasons, there are always absentees.&lt;br&gt;From our field notes I totaled the number and weight of all the contestants on each side in the battles we had witnessed. The results supported my theory.&lt;br&gt;If an entire pride of lions met up with a full clan of hyenas, the combined weights were so even that the outcome could not be predicted. But some members were always missing, and that tipped the balance. The side with fewer absentees — always won.

===''Hunting with the Moon''===
:&lt;small&gt;Joubert, Dereck (1997). ''Hunting with the Moon: The Lions of Savuti''. National Geographic. ISBN 0-7922-7020-7&lt;/small&gt;
*In the north, three of the most beautiful lions we've ever seen ruled one territory. Tourists named the magnificent males a confusing variety of names, but to us these three &quot;lions of darkness&quot; were known as Tona, Tsididi, and Nyatsi. Tona, the largest of the three, had thick, long, dark mane hair that so engulfed his head, shoulders, back, and the underside of his belly that he looked clumsy when he walked. Apart from their behavior during mating, the three males were extremely close.&lt;br&gt;During their reign, Tona, Tsididi, and Nyatsi paraded about like three great kings sharing their domain. No intruder was tolerated. All males were expelled, and all cubs of the old were killed. But together these stern kings were like tender young cubs, greeting each other constantly, rubbing their giant heads together, rolling over together and displaying a companionship I have never seen before or after.
**p.56
*One memorable day, a prime male lion watched a breeding herd with a newly born elephant calf struggling in the mud of the water hole. He was not particularly interested. He had come for water, and the black muddy patch on his chin indicated that he had been successful in drinking. This lion had a strong character, and, because of an incident I'll describe later, we named him Ntchwaidumela – &quot;he who greets with fire&quot;. In all else he deferred to his companion, who was probably a half brother or first cousin, but he was certainly stout of heart when it came to confrontations with other species, elephants included.&lt;br&gt;As Ntchwaidumela rested near the water, two huge bulls came down to drink. He virtually ignored them as they thundered slowly past, within ten feet of him. Suddenly the second bull saw the lion and bellowed, fanning out his ears. Usually this would have got anything up and running, but Ntchwaidumela actually looked the other way. Then the elephant charged, and in a second the lion whipped around and charged right back, leaping up at the bull elephant's head. The elephant stopped, but before the dust could settle he kicked out at the male lion, who was back in resting position, looking at his adversary. The bull stepped forward again, determined to see the lion off. Now, with less than a yard between him and the elephant, the lion still growled, and he stood down the charge until the very last second, when he ducked away under the massive feet. The interaction was over, the elephant moved off, and Ntchwaidumela settled defiantly down to rest again no more than 30 feet away. Over the years, this male lion lived up to his name many times.
**p. 114
*We first read about a male lion attacking a hyena in East Africa, an account by Hugo van Lawick and Jane Goodall in ''Innocent Killers''. As we followed the male lions in Savuti we saw more examples of this, and a pattern started developing.&lt;br&gt;It began with Nyatsi.&lt;br&gt;One day while walking across an open area, he stopped and stared into a bush. It was midday. When he started stalking we thought a young impala might be hidden in the bushes. He ran into the thicket, and, after a confusion of squeals and growls and bushes and dust, the male lion emerged with a hyena.&lt;br&gt;Within a month we witnessed Tona and Nyatsi both actively hunt down hyenas. Then when the four new males took over, we saw one of the younger males, Cromwell, catch another hyena. Gradually we started finding hyena carcasses around more and more, but seldom did we see the same male catch hyenas twice.&lt;br&gt;Then came Ntchwaidumela. He was one of the four challengers who ousted Tsididi, Tona, and Nyatsi, and he was the smallest of the new males, always noticeably more timid when it came to lion business such as mating the females or contesting any small point with his &quot;brothers&quot;. In time the consortium broke up, and Mandevu, a dark-maned male, and the small Ntchwaidumela stayed in the south. They had the best territory in Savuti: the marsh.&lt;br&gt;Slowly we began to notice a change in Ntchwaidumela's behavior. One night as we trundled along behind the two males, the smaller one suddenly stopped, dropped his head down to shoulder height, and flattened his body into a crouching position as he glided forward, intent on something ahead that we couldn't see. We were not far from the hyena dens. He burst into a run, and after a 750-yard run he stopped, letting the hyena escape. With fire in his eyes he looked around, searching for another hyena that he saw lurking in the long grass. He charged again, another run of at least 500 yards. Then another broke cover and again he gave chase. All three escaped, but the male was obviously hunting them. Mandevu, the second male, just walked along in any direction Ntchwaidumela chose, not joining in the game.&lt;br&gt;Although he wasted a lot of effort that night, Ntchwaidumela chased hyena after hyena actively, trying to make contact until the area was cleared. Only then did the two males move on with their patrol. The young blonde male roared repeatedly after each chase. Ntchwaidumela — &quot;the war greeting&quot; or &quot;he who greets with fire&quot; — was christened that day. We saw this male chase hyenas many times over the five years we followed him. Soon he was no longer distinguishable as the &quot;young&quot; male, but he was always smaller than the other three he arrived with. Strangely, he was dominated by Mandevu, the dark companion, whenever an estrus female was around. Ntchwaidumela did get to spread his genes, but only if two females came into estrus at once.
**pp. 131-132
*The rains had started and zebra were in the marsh. ... We found Mandevu in the middle of the marsh, roaring half-heartedly from time to time. After an hour with him we saw him look up into the dark in anticipation of something. We shone around and saw the unmistakable sight of a small male with a big blonde mane. Ntchwaidumela. He walked in with a determined stride and greeted Mandevu. These two males, unlike their predecessors, seldom spent much time showing affection to each other. They rubbed heads briefly and separated and lay down a few lion lengths apart. For the next half hour they were both silent, looking around into a blackness in which we could see nothing.&lt;br&gt;Over a mile away, the zebra stampeded. Both males looked toward the noise but did not bother to get up. Then we all heard the hyenas. They had chased and killed a zebra foal; the cries of the foal mingled with the sounds of hyena cackles. Ntchwaidumela reacted immediately, jumping up and trotting off in the direction of the noise. We knew what was coming. We raced around ahead of him to get into position but had to stop twice to get a direction fix on the noises. As we pulled up at the kill Beverly saw Ntchwaidumela next to us — he had covered the distance as fast as we had. The lights went on and the camera rolled as the male charged in, landing on the most dominant hyena, biting her shoulder, rolling over and ripping with his back legs. He adjusted his mouthhold and sank his teeth into her back, forcing his jaws closed. We heard the bones crack. The way he shook the hyena was like no other kill we've seen. It was a definite attempt to break every bone in the victim's body. &quot;Fury&quot; and &quot;rage&quot; are the best adjectives for what we were seeing. Within seconds other hyenas gathered and counterattacked the male, biting his rump hard enough to make him release his hold on the matriarch but not enough to quell his apparent rage, because he lashed out and raced after them. The matriarch we found later, with a broken back.&lt;br&gt;Ntchwaidumela had become the &quot;hyena killer&quot;.
**pp. 136-137
*From the top of the marsh, Mandevu roared. Although she was well over five miles away, one of the hyenas looked up, raised her tail, and loped off in that direction. We were keen to follow because we were beginning to suspect the female hyena of being the new matriarch of the marsh clan, a successor after Ntchwaidumela dispatched the last matriarch. ... The female hyena found the lion. It wasn't difficult — he was walking south down the center of the marsh, roaring every ten minutes. He was obviously looking for the pride because he sniffed constantly, and we could see lion tracks on the path ahead of him. During the day hyenas usually give lions a wide berth, in particular if there is no sign of food about. But on this day, Christmas 1990, the hyena actively sought out the male lion and then started harassing him. ... Now the lion was marking aggressively across the species barrier, and, amazingly, as he moved off, the matriarchal hyena raced up to that spot and deposited her own mark on top of his. This apparently infuriated the lion, and he charged, but the hyena ran away, circled, and started her harassment again. ... This hyena was badgering the male, and because it was Mandevu he didn't retaliate. In fact, he was soon losing ground, walking faster and with less grace. His ears were flat against his head and his posture was that of a young submissive lione rather than a pride male.&lt;br&gt;...&lt;br&gt;Then, in the far distance, we saw Ntchwaidumela coming at a fast, steady pace. He had heard the sounds of the skirmish, and from the looks of him, he was about to run into a battle. Mandevu lay down. The matriarch circled him and marked again and made off just before Motsumi saw what was happening and chased. Ntchwaidumela broke into a full run, a charge from 150 yards or more, his mouth agape, sucking air down his throat, pumping oxygen into his lungs, fueling his heart. As soon as we were close enough for us to see his eyes, we could discern the fixed direction of his gaze. It was on the matriarch, and for the full run those yellow eyes never left their target.&lt;br&gt;The matriarch's back legs reached in front of the front feet as if her rear end was determined to outrun her front. Motsumi was in full swing behind that rear end and swiped out, hooking a lazy back leg. The matriarch tumbled, swinging around in a full flying circle, crying out in alarm, exposing her only defense: her teeth. Motsumi pulled back and the hyena righted herself in full fall, picking up her footing like a gymnast and racing for the hills. Ntchwaidumela didn't falter. His gait just stretched longer, reaching for the hyena. The gap closed slowly. The hyena looked over her shoulder, saw the lion, and put a final effort into her escape. But the male lion pulled from his own reserves of energy, and the gap closed just a little bit more. When the time was right, Ntchwaidumela reached forward first with one paw and then the other and latched on to the legs of the hyena. The speed of the chase carried on its momentum, taking both the lion and the hyena skidding along the ground. As they skidded, the male moved his grip up the hyena's back, positioning his head for the killing bite to the neck. The growls and hyena squeals faded away with the life of the hyena, until all was silent and the hyena lay still. It was Christmas day, and we were exhausted by 7:30 in the morning. We had our gift for the season. This was the footage we needed to prove that Ntchwaidumela's hatred for hyenas was absolute and individual.
**pp. 138-140
*In just ten years in Savuti, all but one of the male lions we studied were eventually taken by trophy hunters. Rautang, Jansen, Lyall, Matabula, Quedi, Sama, Olsen, Tona, Tsididi, Nyatsi, Mabala, Cromwell, and even the long-reigning Mandevu and his brother Ntchwaidumela, the great hyena killer. I know that wherever Ntchwaidumela's skin hangs, on a wall somewhere in the U.S.A., perhaps, the new owners have no idea of the life that this lion lived. The daily heroics, the matings, the battles with elephant and buffalo, and, of course, his almost nightly vendettas against hyenas can never be seen on his fading skin.
**pp. 147-148

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Joubert, Dereck}}
[[Category:1950 births]]
[[Category:Authors from South Africa]]
[[Category:Film directors from South Africa]]
[[Category:Living people]]</text>
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        <id>67935</id>
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      <comment>/* Lions of Darkness */</comment>
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      <text bytes="14644" sha1="3bck5t35qnz62adxzfvhotkzynqkyz7" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Dereck Joubert|Dereck Joubert]]''' (born 3 March 1956) is a South African-born filmmaker, author, conservationist and National Geographic explorer-at-large based in Botswana.

==Quotes==
===''Lions of Darkness''===
:&lt;small&gt;Joubert, Dereck. &quot;Lions of Darkness&quot;. ''National Geographic''. Vol. 186, No. 2. August 1994. pp. 35-53&lt;/small&gt;
*We have known these lions since 1981. We often awake to find Maome's pride sleeping around our vehicle, one lion's head propped up against a tire, as they wait for the moonlight to dim. The pride currently includes seven lionesses, plus two mature members that are semi-permanent members. Maome is easy to identify. She is missing the last four inches of her tail, an unmistakable field mark. Motsumi, the big lioness, bears large scars on her back. We have followed her since she was three weeks old and witnessed crises such as her cubs' death — and nearly her own — from a cobra attack.&lt;br&gt;Some lions had been named by previous researchers, and some, like Motsumi and Mandevu, one of the males, we named. The other male is Ntwadumela, a formidable mouthful for a forceful lion. In the Setswana language it means &quot;he who greets with fire&quot;. He was named this because when his quarry is in sight, Ntwadumela never hesitates.
*We have often seen hyenas inflict vicious wounds on a lioness that has become separated from her pride, with no kill present to quarrel over. And lions will deliberately hunt down hyenas and kill them without bothering to feed on the remains. Twice we have seen Ntwadumela charge directly into a hyena clan and kill the ruling female.&lt;br&gt;One day the lions win. The next, the hyenas. Why? After watching a skirmish, I wondered if the outcome of individual battles could be predicted. Could the combined weight of each side be the determining factor? A pride of Savuti lions comprises about ten animals, while a hyena clan varies between 18 and 40. An adult lioness weighs approximately 300 pounds and a hyena as much as 175 pounds. But in a clash, each side is rarely at full strength. For various reasons, there are always absentees.&lt;br&gt;From our field notes I totaled the number and weight of all the contestants on each side in the battles we had witnessed. The results supported my theory.&lt;br&gt;If an entire pride of lions met up with a full clan of hyenas, the combined weights were so even that the outcome could not be predicted. But some members were always missing, and that tipped the balance. The side with fewer absentees — always won.

===''Hunting with the Moon''===
:&lt;small&gt;Joubert, Dereck (1997). ''Hunting with the Moon: The Lions of Savuti''. National Geographic. ISBN 0-7922-7020-7&lt;/small&gt;
*In the north, three of the most beautiful lions we've ever seen ruled one territory. Tourists named the magnificent males a confusing variety of names, but to us these three &quot;lions of darkness&quot; were known as Tona, Tsididi, and Nyatsi. Tona, the largest of the three, had thick, long, dark mane hair that so engulfed his head, shoulders, back, and the underside of his belly that he looked clumsy when he walked. Apart from their behavior during mating, the three males were extremely close.&lt;br&gt;During their reign, Tona, Tsididi, and Nyatsi paraded about like three great kings sharing their domain. No intruder was tolerated. All males were expelled, and all cubs of the old were killed. But together these stern kings were like tender young cubs, greeting each other constantly, rubbing their giant heads together, rolling over together and displaying a companionship I have never seen before or after.
**p.56
*One memorable day, a prime male lion watched a breeding herd with a newly born elephant calf struggling in the mud of the water hole. He was not particularly interested. He had come for water, and the black muddy patch on his chin indicated that he had been successful in drinking. This lion had a strong character, and, because of an incident I'll describe later, we named him Ntchwaidumela – &quot;he who greets with fire&quot;. In all else he deferred to his companion, who was probably a half brother or first cousin, but he was certainly stout of heart when it came to confrontations with other species, elephants included.&lt;br&gt;As Ntchwaidumela rested near the water, two huge bulls came down to drink. He virtually ignored them as they thundered slowly past, within ten feet of him. Suddenly the second bull saw the lion and bellowed, fanning out his ears. Usually this would have got anything up and running, but Ntchwaidumela actually looked the other way. Then the elephant charged, and in a second the lion whipped around and charged right back, leaping up at the bull elephant's head. The elephant stopped, but before the dust could settle he kicked out at the male lion, who was back in resting position, looking at his adversary. The bull stepped forward again, determined to see the lion off. Now, with less than a yard between him and the elephant, the lion still growled, and he stood down the charge until the very last second, when he ducked away under the massive feet. The interaction was over, the elephant moved off, and Ntchwaidumela settled defiantly down to rest again no more than 30 feet away. Over the years, this male lion lived up to his name many times.
**p. 114
*We first read about a male lion attacking a hyena in East Africa, an account by Hugo van Lawick and Jane Goodall in ''Innocent Killers''. As we followed the male lions in Savuti we saw more examples of this, and a pattern started developing.&lt;br&gt;It began with Nyatsi.&lt;br&gt;One day while walking across an open area, he stopped and stared into a bush. It was midday. When he started stalking we thought a young impala might be hidden in the bushes. He ran into the thicket, and, after a confusion of squeals and growls and bushes and dust, the male lion emerged with a hyena.&lt;br&gt;Within a month we witnessed Tona and Nyatsi both actively hunt down hyenas. Then when the four new males took over, we saw one of the younger males, Cromwell, catch another hyena. Gradually we started finding hyena carcasses around more and more, but seldom did we see the same male catch hyenas twice.&lt;br&gt;Then came Ntchwaidumela. He was one of the four challengers who ousted Tsididi, Tona, and Nyatsi, and he was the smallest of the new males, always noticeably more timid when it came to lion business such as mating the females or contesting any small point with his &quot;brothers&quot;. In time the consortium broke up, and Mandevu, a dark-maned male, and the small Ntchwaidumela stayed in the south. They had the best territory in Savuti: the marsh.&lt;br&gt;Slowly we began to notice a change in Ntchwaidumela's behavior. One night as we trundled along behind the two males, the smaller one suddenly stopped, dropped his head down to shoulder height, and flattened his body into a crouching position as he glided forward, intent on something ahead that we couldn't see. We were not far from the hyena dens. He burst into a run, and after a 750-yard run he stopped, letting the hyena escape. With fire in his eyes he looked around, searching for another hyena that he saw lurking in the long grass. He charged again, another run of at least 500 yards. Then another broke cover and again he gave chase. All three escaped, but the male was obviously hunting them. Mandevu, the second male, just walked along in any direction Ntchwaidumela chose, not joining in the game.&lt;br&gt;Although he wasted a lot of effort that night, Ntchwaidumela chased hyena after hyena actively, trying to make contact until the area was cleared. Only then did the two males move on with their patrol. The young blonde male roared repeatedly after each chase. Ntchwaidumela — &quot;the war greeting&quot; or &quot;he who greets with fire&quot; — was christened that day. We saw this male chase hyenas many times over the five years we followed him. Soon he was no longer distinguishable as the &quot;young&quot; male, but he was always smaller than the other three he arrived with. Strangely, he was dominated by Mandevu, the dark companion, whenever an estrus female was around. Ntchwaidumela did get to spread his genes, but only if two females came into estrus at once.
**pp. 131-132
*The rains had started and zebra were in the marsh. ... We found Mandevu in the middle of the marsh, roaring half-heartedly from time to time. After an hour with him we saw him look up into the dark in anticipation of something. We shone around and saw the unmistakable sight of a small male with a big blonde mane. Ntchwaidumela. He walked in with a determined stride and greeted Mandevu. These two males, unlike their predecessors, seldom spent much time showing affection to each other. They rubbed heads briefly and separated and lay down a few lion lengths apart. For the next half hour they were both silent, looking around into a blackness in which we could see nothing.&lt;br&gt;Over a mile away, the zebra stampeded. Both males looked toward the noise but did not bother to get up. Then we all heard the hyenas. They had chased and killed a zebra foal; the cries of the foal mingled with the sounds of hyena cackles. Ntchwaidumela reacted immediately, jumping up and trotting off in the direction of the noise. We knew what was coming. We raced around ahead of him to get into position but had to stop twice to get a direction fix on the noises. As we pulled up at the kill Beverly saw Ntchwaidumela next to us — he had covered the distance as fast as we had. The lights went on and the camera rolled as the male charged in, landing on the most dominant hyena, biting her shoulder, rolling over and ripping with his back legs. He adjusted his mouthhold and sank his teeth into her back, forcing his jaws closed. We heard the bones crack. The way he shook the hyena was like no other kill we've seen. It was a definite attempt to break every bone in the victim's body. &quot;Fury&quot; and &quot;rage&quot; are the best adjectives for what we were seeing. Within seconds other hyenas gathered and counterattacked the male, biting his rump hard enough to make him release his hold on the matriarch but not enough to quell his apparent rage, because he lashed out and raced after them. The matriarch we found later, with a broken back.&lt;br&gt;Ntchwaidumela had become the &quot;hyena killer&quot;.
**pp. 136-137
*From the top of the marsh, Mandevu roared. Although she was well over five miles away, one of the hyenas looked up, raised her tail, and loped off in that direction. We were keen to follow because we were beginning to suspect the female hyena of being the new matriarch of the marsh clan, a successor after Ntchwaidumela dispatched the last matriarch. ... The female hyena found the lion. It wasn't difficult — he was walking south down the center of the marsh, roaring every ten minutes. He was obviously looking for the pride because he sniffed constantly, and we could see lion tracks on the path ahead of him. During the day hyenas usually give lions a wide berth, in particular if there is no sign of food about. But on this day, Christmas 1990, the hyena actively sought out the male lion and then started harassing him. ... Now the lion was marking aggressively across the species barrier, and, amazingly, as he moved off, the matriarchal hyena raced up to that spot and deposited her own mark on top of his. This apparently infuriated the lion, and he charged, but the hyena ran away, circled, and started her harassment again. ... This hyena was badgering the male, and because it was Mandevu he didn't retaliate. In fact, he was soon losing ground, walking faster and with less grace. His ears were flat against his head and his posture was that of a young submissive lione rather than a pride male.&lt;br&gt;...&lt;br&gt;Then, in the far distance, we saw Ntchwaidumela coming at a fast, steady pace. He had heard the sounds of the skirmish, and from the looks of him, he was about to run into a battle. Mandevu lay down. The matriarch circled him and marked again and made off just before Motsumi saw what was happening and chased. Ntchwaidumela broke into a full run, a charge from 150 yards or more, his mouth agape, sucking air down his throat, pumping oxygen into his lungs, fueling his heart. As soon as we were close enough for us to see his eyes, we could discern the fixed direction of his gaze. It was on the matriarch, and for the full run those yellow eyes never left their target.&lt;br&gt;The matriarch's back legs reached in front of the front feet as if her rear end was determined to outrun her front. Motsumi was in full swing behind that rear end and swiped out, hooking a lazy back leg. The matriarch tumbled, swinging around in a full flying circle, crying out in alarm, exposing her only defense: her teeth. Motsumi pulled back and the hyena righted herself in full fall, picking up her footing like a gymnast and racing for the hills. Ntchwaidumela didn't falter. His gait just stretched longer, reaching for the hyena. The gap closed slowly. The hyena looked over her shoulder, saw the lion, and put a final effort into her escape. But the male lion pulled from his own reserves of energy, and the gap closed just a little bit more. When the time was right, Ntchwaidumela reached forward first with one paw and then the other and latched on to the legs of the hyena. The speed of the chase carried on its momentum, taking both the lion and the hyena skidding along the ground. As they skidded, the male moved his grip up the hyena's back, positioning his head for the killing bite to the neck. The growls and hyena squeals faded away with the life of the hyena, until all was silent and the hyena lay still. It was Christmas day, and we were exhausted by 7:30 in the morning. We had our gift for the season. This was the footage we needed to prove that Ntchwaidumela's hatred for hyenas was absolute and individual.
**pp. 138-140
*In just ten years in Savuti, all but one of the male lions we studied were eventually taken by trophy hunters. Rautang, Jansen, Lyall, Matabula, Quedi, Sama, Olsen, Tona, Tsididi, Nyatsi, Mabala, Cromwell, and even the long-reigning Mandevu and his brother Ntchwaidumela, the great hyena killer. I know that wherever Ntchwaidumela's skin hangs, on a wall somewhere in the U.S.A., perhaps, the new owners have no idea of the life that this lion lived. The daily heroics, the matings, the battles with elephant and buffalo, and, of course, his almost nightly vendettas against hyenas can never be seen on his fading skin.
**pp. 147-148

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Joubert, Dereck}}
[[Category:1950 births]]
[[Category:Authors from South Africa]]
[[Category:Film directors from South Africa]]
[[Category:Living people]]</text>
      <sha1>3bck5t35qnz62adxzfvhotkzynqkyz7</sha1>
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    <revision>
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      <contributor>
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        <id>67935</id>
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      <text bytes="14643" sha1="99s22808akn0lczt84x0aef2cyqax83" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Dereck Joubert|Dereck Joubert]]''' (born 3 March 1956) is a South African-born filmmaker, author, conservationist and National Geographic explorer-at-large based in Botswana.

==Quotes==
===''Lions of Darkness''===
:&lt;small&gt;Joubert, Dereck. &quot;Lions of Darkness&quot;. ''National Geographic''. Vol. 186, No. 2. August 1994. pp. 35-53&lt;/small&gt;
*We have known these lions since 1981. We often awake to find Maome's pride sleeping around our vehicle, one lion's head propped up against a tire, as they wait for the moonlight to dim. The pride currently includes seven lionesses, plus two mature members that are semi-permanent members. Maome is easy to identify. She is missing the last four inches of her tail, an unmistakable field mark. Motsumi, the big lioness, bears large scars on her back. We have followed her since she was three weeks old and witnessed crises such as her cubs' death — and nearly her own — from a cobra attack.&lt;br&gt;Some lions had been named by previous researchers, and some, like Motsumi and Mandevu, one of the males, we named. The other male is Ntwadumela, a formidable mouthful for a forceful lion. In the Setswana language it means &quot;he who greets with fire&quot;. He was named this because when his quarry is in sight, Ntwadumela never hesitates.
*We have often seen hyenas inflict vicious wounds on a lioness that has become separated from her pride, with no kill present to quarrel over. And lions will deliberately hunt down hyenas and kill them without bothering to feed on the remains. Twice we have seen Ntwadumela charge directly into a hyena clan and kill the ruling female.&lt;br&gt;One day the lions win. The next, the hyenas. Why? After watching a skirmish, I wondered if the outcome of individual battles could be predicted. Could the combined weight of each side be the determining factor? A pride of Savuti lions comprises about ten animals, while a hyena clan varies between 18 and 40. An adult lioness weighs approximately 300 pounds and a hyena as much as 175 pounds. But in a clash, each side is rarely at full strength. For various reasons, there are always absentees.&lt;br&gt;From our field notes I totaled the number and weight of all the contestants on each side in the battles we had witnessed. The results supported my theory.&lt;br&gt;If an entire pride of lions met up with a full clan of hyenas, the combined weights were so even that the outcome could not be predicted. But some members were always missing, and that tipped the balance. The side with fewer absentees — always won.

===''Hunting with the Moon''===
:&lt;small&gt;Joubert, Dereck (1997). ''Hunting with the Moon: The Lions of Savuti''. National Geographic. ISBN 0-7922-7020-7&lt;/small&gt;
*In the north, three of the most beautiful lions we've ever seen ruled one territory. Tourists named the magnificent males a confusing variety of names, but to us these three &quot;lions of darkness&quot; were known as Tona, Tsididi, and Nyatsi. Tona, the largest of the three, had thick, long, dark mane hair that so engulfed his head, shoulders, back, and the underside of his belly that he looked clumsy when he walked. Apart from their behavior during mating, the three males were extremely close.&lt;br&gt;During their reign, Tona, Tsididi, and Nyatsi paraded about like three great kings sharing their domain. No intruder was tolerated. All males were expelled, and all cubs of the old were killed. But together these stern kings were like tender young cubs, greeting each other constantly, rubbing their giant heads together, rolling over together and displaying a companionship I have never seen before or after.
**p.56
*One memorable day, a prime male lion watched a breeding herd with a newly born elephant calf struggling in the mud of the water hole. He was not particularly interested. He had come for water, and the black muddy patch on his chin indicated that he had been successful in drinking. This lion had a strong character, and, because of an incident I'll describe later, we named him Ntchwaidumela – &quot;he who greets with fire&quot;. In all else he deferred to his companion, who was probably a half brother or first cousin, but he was certainly stout of heart when it came to confrontations with other species, elephants included.&lt;br&gt;As Ntchwaidumela rested near the water, two huge bulls came down to drink. He virtually ignored them as they thundered slowly past, within ten feet of him. Suddenly the second bull saw the lion and bellowed, fanning out his ears. Usually this would have got anything up and running, but Ntchwaidumela actually looked the other way. Then the elephant charged, and in a second the lion whipped around and charged right back, leaping up at the bull elephant's head. The elephant stopped, but before the dust could settle he kicked out at the male lion, who was back in resting position, looking at his adversary. The bull stepped forward again, determined to see the lion off. Now, with less than a yard between him and the elephant, the lion still growled, and he stood down the charge until the very last second, when he ducked away under the massive feet. The interaction was over, the elephant moved off, and Ntchwaidumela settled defiantly down to rest again no more than 30 feet away. Over the years, this male lion lived up to his name many times.
**p. 114
*We first read about a male lion attacking a hyena in East Africa, an account by Hugo van Lawick and Jane Goodall in ''Innocent Killers''. As we followed the male lions in Savuti we saw more examples of this, and a pattern started developing.&lt;br&gt;It began with Nyatsi.&lt;br&gt;One day while walking across an open area, he stopped and stared into a bush. It was midday. When he started stalking we thought a young impala might be hidden in the bushes. He ran into the thicket, and, after a confusion of squeals and growls and bushes and dust, the male lion emerged with a hyena.&lt;br&gt;Within a month we witnessed Tona and Nyatsi both actively hunt down hyenas. Then when the four new males took over, we saw one of the younger males, Cromwell, catch another hyena. Gradually we started finding hyena carcasses around more and more, but seldom did we see the same male catch hyenas twice.&lt;br&gt;Then came Ntchwaidumela. He was one of the four challengers who ousted Tsididi, Tona, and Nyatsi, and he was the smallest of the new males, always noticeably more timid when it came to lion business such as mating the females or contesting any small point with his &quot;brothers&quot;. In time the consortium broke up, and Mandevu, a dark-maned male, and the small Ntchwaidumela stayed in the south. They had the best territory in Savuti: the marsh.&lt;br&gt;Slowly we began to notice a change in Ntchwaidumela's behavior. One night as we trundled along behind the two males, the smaller one suddenly stopped, dropped his head down to shoulder height, and flattened his body into a crouching position as he glided forward, intent on something ahead that we couldn't see. We were not far from the hyena dens. He burst into a run, and after a 750-yard run he stopped, letting the hyena escape. With fire in his eyes he looked around, searching for another hyena that he saw lurking in the long grass. He charged again, another run of at least 500 yards. Then another broke cover and again he gave chase. All three escaped, but the male was obviously hunting them. Mandevu, the second male, just walked along in any direction Ntchwaidumela chose, not joining in the game.&lt;br&gt;Although he wasted a lot of effort that night, Ntchwaidumela chased hyena after hyena actively, trying to make contact until the area was cleared. Only then did the two males move on with their patrol. The young blonde male roared repeatedly after each chase. Ntchwaidumela — &quot;the war greeting&quot; or &quot;he who greets with fire&quot; — was christened that day. We saw this male chase hyenas many times over the five years we followed him. Soon he was no longer distinguishable as the &quot;young&quot; male, but he was always smaller than the other three he arrived with. Strangely, he was dominated by Mandevu, the dark companion, whenever an estrus female was around. Ntchwaidumela did get to spread his genes, but only if two females came into estrus at once.
**pp. 131-132
*The rains had started and zebra were in the marsh. ... We found Mandevu in the middle of the marsh, roaring half-heartedly from time to time. After an hour with him we saw him look up into the dark in anticipation of something. We shone around and saw the unmistakable sight of a small male with a big blonde mane. Ntchwaidumela. He walked in with a determined stride and greeted Mandevu. These two males, unlike their predecessors, seldom spent much time showing affection to each other. They rubbed heads briefly and separated and lay down a few lion lengths apart. For the next half hour they were both silent, looking around into a blackness in which we could see nothing.&lt;br&gt;Over a mile away, the zebra stampeded. Both males looked toward the noise but did not bother to get up. Then we all heard the hyenas. They had chased and killed a zebra foal; the cries of the foal mingled with the sounds of hyena cackles. Ntchwaidumela reacted immediately, jumping up and trotting off in the direction of the noise. We knew what was coming. We raced around ahead of him to get into position but had to stop twice to get a direction fix on the noises. As we pulled up at the kill Beverly saw Ntchwaidumela next to us — he had covered the distance as fast as we had. The lights went on and the camera rolled as the male charged in, landing on the most dominant hyena, biting her shoulder, rolling over and ripping with his back legs. He adjusted his mouthhold and sank his teeth into her back, forcing his jaws closed. We heard the bones crack. The way he shook the hyena was like no other kill we've seen. It was a definite attempt to break every bone in the victim's body. &quot;Fury&quot; and &quot;rage&quot; are the best adjectives for what we were seeing. Within seconds other hyenas gathered and counterattacked the male, biting his rump hard enough to make him release his hold on the matriarch but not enough to quell his apparent rage, because he lashed out and raced after them. The matriarch we found later, with a broken back.&lt;br&gt;Ntchwaidumela had become the &quot;hyena killer&quot;.
**pp. 136-137
*From the top of the marsh, Mandevu roared. Although she was well over five miles away, one of the hyenas looked up, raised her tail, and loped off in that direction. We were keen to follow because we were beginning to suspect the female hyena of being the new matriarch of the marsh clan, a successor after Ntchwaidumela dispatched the last matriarch. ... The female hyena found the lion. It wasn't difficult — he was walking south down the center of the marsh, roaring every ten minutes. He was obviously looking for the pride because he sniffed constantly, and we could see lion tracks on the path ahead of him. During the day hyenas usually give lions a wide berth, in particular if there is no sign of food about. But on this day, Christmas 1990, the hyena actively sought out the male lion and then started harassing him. ... Now the lion was marking aggressively across the species barrier, and, amazingly, as he moved off, the matriarchal hyena raced up to that spot and deposited her own mark on top of his. This apparently infuriated the lion, and he charged, but the hyena ran away, circled, and started her harassment again. ... This hyena was badgering the male, and because it was Mandevu he didn't retaliate. In fact, he was soon losing ground, walking faster and with less grace. His ears were flat against his head and his posture was that of a young submissive lion rather than a pride male.&lt;br&gt;...&lt;br&gt;Then, in the far distance, we saw Ntchwaidumela coming at a fast, steady pace. He had heard the sounds of the skirmish, and from the looks of him, he was about to run into a battle. Mandevu lay down. The matriarch circled him and marked again and made off just before Motsumi saw what was happening and chased. Ntchwaidumela broke into a full run, a charge from 150 yards or more, his mouth agape, sucking air down his throat, pumping oxygen into his lungs, fueling his heart. As soon as we were close enough for us to see his eyes, we could discern the fixed direction of his gaze. It was on the matriarch, and for the full run those yellow eyes never left their target.&lt;br&gt;The matriarch's back legs reached in front of the front feet as if her rear end was determined to outrun her front. Motsumi was in full swing behind that rear end and swiped out, hooking a lazy back leg. The matriarch tumbled, swinging around in a full flying circle, crying out in alarm, exposing her only defense: her teeth. Motsumi pulled back and the hyena righted herself in full fall, picking up her footing like a gymnast and racing for the hills. Ntchwaidumela didn't falter. His gait just stretched longer, reaching for the hyena. The gap closed slowly. The hyena looked over her shoulder, saw the lion, and put a final effort into her escape. But the male lion pulled from his own reserves of energy, and the gap closed just a little bit more. When the time was right, Ntchwaidumela reached forward first with one paw and then the other and latched on to the legs of the hyena. The speed of the chase carried on its momentum, taking both the lion and the hyena skidding along the ground. As they skidded, the male moved his grip up the hyena's back, positioning his head for the killing bite to the neck. The growls and hyena squeals faded away with the life of the hyena, until all was silent and the hyena lay still. It was Christmas day, and we were exhausted by 7:30 in the morning. We had our gift for the season. This was the footage we needed to prove that Ntchwaidumela's hatred for hyenas was absolute and individual.
**pp. 138-140
*In just ten years in Savuti, all but one of the male lions we studied were eventually taken by trophy hunters. Rautang, Jansen, Lyall, Matabula, Quedi, Sama, Olsen, Tona, Tsididi, Nyatsi, Mabala, Cromwell, and even the long-reigning Mandevu and his brother Ntchwaidumela, the great hyena killer. I know that wherever Ntchwaidumela's skin hangs, on a wall somewhere in the U.S.A., perhaps, the new owners have no idea of the life that this lion lived. The daily heroics, the matings, the battles with elephant and buffalo, and, of course, his almost nightly vendettas against hyenas can never be seen on his fading skin.
**pp. 147-148

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}

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    <title>Yordan Ivov Terziyski</title>
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'''[[w:Yordan Ivov Terziyski| Yordan Ivov Terziyski]]''' (born 7 February 1984) is a Bulgarian architect and politician. He is a member of the political party [[w:We Continue the Change | We Continue the Change]] a centrist, anti-corruption political party. He has served as a Member of the National Assembly in the 47th and 48th [[w:National_Assembly_(Bulgaria)|National Assembly]].

==Quotes==
===Interview on [[w:Yantra Today Live|Yantra Today Live ]] 5 April 2026===
&lt;small&gt;[https://www.dnesbg.com/pari-i-vlast/arh-yordan-terziyski-koruptsiyata-se-bori-s-realni-deystviya-a-ne-s-prazni-prikazki.html  Online text]&lt;/small&gt;
* Corruption is fought with real actions, not with empty talk.

* Corruption can only be eradicated with functioning institutions and individuals who have proven that they have the knowledge and will to fight the battle and will not succumb to pressure. We resisted the political repression against our mayors and municipal councilors, who spent months in detention without sentences. We resisted the media attacks and ugly manipulations aimed at killing the energy of the protests, with which we, together with all the angry Bulgarians, managed to overthrow the corrupt government. We will resist the regrouping of the oligarchy now and we will finish what we have started by stopping the outrages in Bulgaria.

* Corruption should not simply be dismantled in order to be re-installed, as the regrouping oligarchy is planning. It must be eradicated and destroyed. The Bulgarians have made it clear that they do not want Borisov and Peevski in power, they do not want fake heroes-saviors, but want to live in a free, fair and rich state.

==Exernal Links==
{{Wikipedia}}

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'''[[w:Yordan Ivov Terziyski| Yordan Ivov Terziyski]]''' (born 7 February 1984) is a Bulgarian architect and politician. He is a member of the political party [[w:We Continue the Change | We Continue the Change]] a centrist, anti-corruption political party. He has served as a Member of the National Assembly in the 47th and 48th [[w:National_Assembly_(Bulgaria)|National Assembly]].

==Quotes==
===Interview on [[w:Yantra Today Live|Yantra Today Live ]] 5 April 2026===
&lt;small&gt;[https://www.dnesbg.com/pari-i-vlast/arh-yordan-terziyski-koruptsiyata-se-bori-s-realni-deystviya-a-ne-s-prazni-prikazki.html  Online text]&lt;/small&gt;
* Corruption is fought with real actions, not with empty talk.

* Corruption can only be eradicated with functioning institutions and individuals who have proven that they have the knowledge and will to fight the battle and will not succumb to pressure. We resisted the political repression against our mayors and municipal councilors, who spent months in detention without sentences. We resisted the media attacks and ugly manipulations aimed at killing the energy of the protests, with which we, together with all the angry Bulgarians, managed to overthrow the corrupt government. We will resist the regrouping of the oligarchy now and we will finish what we have started by stopping the outrages in Bulgaria.

* Corruption should not simply be dismantled in order to be re-installed, as the regrouping oligarchy is planning. It must be eradicated and destroyed. The Bulgarians have made it clear that they do not want Borisov and Peevski in power, they do not want fake heroes-saviors, but want to live in a free, fair and rich state.

==External links==
{{Wikipedia}}

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      <text bytes="5944" sha1="bqu6i19gdhx59j82u33pjijgmdmg65o" xml:space="preserve">'''{{w|Samuel Langley|Samuel Pierpont Langley}}''' (August 22, 1834 &amp;ndash; February 27, 1906) was an American {{w|aviation}} pioneer, [[astronomer]], [[physicist]], inventor of the {{w|bolometer}}, founder of the {{w|Smithsonian Astrophysical Observatory}}, and [https://siarchives.si.edu/history/secretaries-smithsonian secretary of the Smithsonian Institution from 1887 to 1906]. He was elected in 1875 to the {{w|American Philosophical Society}} and in 1876 to the U.S. {{w|National Academy of Sciences}}. Langley was awarded in 1886 both the {{w|Rumford Medal}} and the {{w|Henry Draper Medal}} and in 1893 the {{w|Janssen Medal (French Academy of Sciences)|Janssen Medal}}. 

==Quotes==
* ... With rare exceptions, the backward steps—that is, the [[error]]s and [[mistakes]], which count in reality for nearly half, and sometimes for more than half, the whole—are left out of [[History of science|scientific history]]; and the reader, while he knows that mistakes have been made, has no just idea how intimately error and [[truth]] are mingled in a sort of chemical union, even in the work of the great discoverers, and how it is the test of time chiefly,—which enables us to say which ''is'' [[progress]], when the man himself could not. If this be a [[:wiktionary:truism|truism]], it is one which is often forgotten, and which we shall do well to here keep before us.
** {{cite book|year=1888|title=Address of S.P. Langley: President of the American Association for the Advancement of Science, delivered at the Cleveland meeting, August 1888|publisher=Salem Press|url=https://books.google.com/books?id=D9gEAAAAYAAJ&amp;pg=PA2|page=2–3}} (23 pages, address delivered as retiring president)

* I have now been engaged since the beginning of the year 1887 in [[experiment]]s on an extended scale for determining the possibility of, and the conditions for, transporting in the air a body whose {{w|Relative density|specific gravity}} is greater than the [[air]], and I desire to repost my conviction that the obstacles in its way are not such as have been thought; that they lie more in such apparently difficulties as those {{w|Guidance, navigation and control|guiding the body so that it may move in the direction desired}}, and {{w|Takeoff and landing|ascend or descend with safety}}, than in what may appear to be the primary difficulties due to the nature of the air itself, and that in my opinion the evidence for this is now sufficiently complete to engage the serious attention of {{w|engineer}}s to the practical solution of these secondary difficulties, and to the development of an art of mechanical flight which will bring with it a change in many of the conditions of individual and national existence whose importance can hardly be estimated.
** {{cite book|title=Experiments in aerodynamics|series=Vol. 801, Smithsonian Contributions to Knowledge|publisher=Smithsonian institution|edition=1st|year=1891|url=https://books.google.com/books/about/Experiments_in_Aerodynamics.html?id=vxtRAAAAYAAJ&amp;pg=PA4|page=4}} (115 pages)

* Physical {{w|astronomer}}s, armed with new methods and perfected appliances, are helping us to a view of the progress of creation, from its beginning in the {{w|nebula}}, which must interest every student of nature. But however much our attention is aroused by the purely scientific aspect of such general studies, we must, it seems to me, consider, in the case I have now to present, ''utility'', even before abstract interest. I refer to the study of the [[Sun]], for though the most unformed nebula may hold the germs of future worlds, yet for us these possibilities are but interesting conjectures. For, as I have said elsewhere, I recognize that every nebula might be wiped out of the sky tonight without affecting the price of a laborer's dinner, while a small change in the solar radiation may conceivably cause the deaths of numberless men in an Indian famine.
** {{cite journal|title=The &quot;Solar Constant&quot; and Related Problems|volume=17|issue=2|date=March 1903|journal=The Astrophysical Journal|url=https://books.google.com/books?id=7oQRAAAAYAAJ&amp;pg=PA89|pages=89–99}} (quote from p. 89)

==Quotes about Samuel Pierpont Langley==
* In 1869, 1870, 1878 and 1900 he observed the total {{w|Solar eclipse|eclipse of the sun}}, and his account of the {{w|Solar eclipse of July 29, 1878|eclipse of 1878}} from {{w|Pikes Peak}} is particularly notable.&lt;br&gt;... From 1878 to 1880 he was engaged in various attempts to devise a more perfect instrument for measuring {{w|Thermal radiation|radiation}}, and he succeeded at length in the invention of the {{w|bolometer}}, an instrument in world-wide use. With this instrument, essentially an electrical thermometer on the {{w|Wheatstone bridge|Wheatstone's bridge}} principle, changes of {{w|temperature}} of less than the hundred-thousandth of a degree Centigrade are measured; and by special installation, differences in temperature amounting to one-billionth of a degree may be detected.
** {{w|Charles Doolittle Walcott}}, {{cite book|chapter=Biographical Memoir of Samuel Pierpont Langley, 1834-1906|series=Vol. 7, Biographical Memoirs of the National Academy of Sciences (NAS)|publisher=U.S. National Academy of Sciences|year=1912|chapter-url=https://books.google.com/books?&amp;id=nbAaAAAAYAAJ&amp;pg=PA249|pages=245–268}} (quote from p. 249; memoir presented to the autumn 1911 meeting of the NAS)

==External links==
* {{wikipedia-inline}}

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    <title>Ludovico di Varthema</title>
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'''[[w:Ludovico di Varthema|Ludovico di Varthema]]''', also known as '''Barthema''' and '''Vertomannus''' (c. 1470 – 1517), was an Italian traveller, diarist and aristocrat known for being one of the first non-Muslim Europeans to enter Mecca as a pilgrim. Nearly everything that is known about his life comes from his own account of his travels, ''Itinerario de Ludouico de Varthema Bolognese'', published in Rome in 1510.

== Quotes ==

=== ''Itinerario de Ludouico de Varthema Bolognese'' (1510) ===

* [[Mahomet]] was captain, and he was an Arab. Haly was son-in-law of Mahomet, that is, he was the husband of Fatoma, who was the daughter of Mahomet. Babacher was he of whom we should say that he was cardinal, and wanted to be pope. Othman was one of his captains. Aumar was another of his captains. And these said books treat about each of his people, that is, of the said captains; and, on this account it is that this ''canaille'' cut each other to pieces, for some wish to act according to the commandments of one, and some of another, and thus they do not know how to make up their minds; and they kill each other like beasts about these heresies, for they are all false.
** &quot;The Book Concerning Arabia Deserta&quot;, &quot;The Chapter Concerning Where Mahomet and His Companions Were Buried&quot; (tr. John Winter Jones, 1863, pp. 27–28)

* [[w:Gujarati people|Guzerati]] are a certain race which eats nothing that has blood, and never kills any living thing. And these same people are neither Moors nor heathens. It is my opinion that if they were baptized, they would all be saved by virtue of their works, for they never do to others what they would not that others should do unto them. Their dress is this: some wear a shirt, and some go naked, with the exception of a piece of cloth about their middle, having nothing on their feet or on their legs. On their heads they wear a large red cloth; and they are of a tawny colour. And for this, their goodness, the aforesaid sultan &lt;nowiki&gt;[&lt;/nowiki&gt;[[Mahmud Begada|Machamuth]]&lt;nowiki&gt;]&lt;/nowiki&gt; took from them their kingdom. 
** &quot;The First Book Concerning India&quot;, &quot;The Chapter Concerning the Estate of the Sultan of the Very Noble City of Combeia&quot; (tr. Jones, pp. 108–109)

* The Moorish Cadi held a council with all the Moorish merchants, amongst whom were collected one hundred ducats, which they carried to the king of the Gioghi, who was at that time in Calicut with three thousand Gioghi, to whom the said Moors said: &quot;Sir, thou knowest that in other years when thou hast come here we have shown thee much kindness, and more honour than we show thee now; the reason is this: there are here two Christians who are enemies of our faith and yours, who inform the Portuguese of all that is done in this country; wherefore, we beseech thee to kill them, and to take these hundred ducats.&quot; The king of the Gioghi immediately sent two hundred men to kill the said wo Christians, and when they went to their house, they began by tens to sound their horns and demand alms. And when the Christians saw so many people increasing they said: &quot;These want something else besides alms;&quot; and began to fight, so that these two killed six of them, and wounded more than forty. At last, these Gioghi cast at them certain pieces of iron which are made round like a wheel, and they threw them with a sling, and struck Ioan-Maria on the head and Pietro Antonio on the head, so that they fell to the ground; and then they ran upon them and cut open the veins of their throats, and with their hands they drank their blood.
** &quot;The Third Book Concerning India&quot;, &quot;The Chapter Showing How I Escaped from Canonor to the Portuguese&quot; (tr. Jones, pp. 273–274)

* All this fleet was two hundred and nine sail, of which eighty-four were large ships, and the remainder were rowing vessels, that is, ''paraos''. In which fleet there was an infinite number of armed Moors; and they wore certain red garments of cloth stuffed with cotton, and they wore certain large caps stuffed, and also on the arms bracelets and gloves stuffed; and a great number of bows and lances, swords and shields, and large and small artillery after our custom. When we saw this fleet, ... truly, seeing so many ships together, it appeared as though one saw a very large wood. We Christians always hoped that God would aid us to confound the Pagan faith. And the most valiant knight, the captain of the fleet, son of Don Francisco dal Meda, Viceroy of India, was here with eleven ships, amongst which there were two galleys and one brigantine. When he saw such a multitude of ships, he acted like a most valiant captain: he called to him all his knights and men of the said ships, and then began to exhort and beseech them that, for the love of God and of the Christian faith, they would expose themselves willingly to suffer death, saying in this wise: &quot;O sirs, O brothers, now is the day that we must remember the Passion of Christ, and how much pain He endured to redeem us sinners. Now is that day when all our sins will be blotted out. For this I beseech you that we determine to go vigorously against these dogs; for I hope that God will give us the victory, and will not choose that His faith should fail.&quot; And then the spiritual father stood upon the ship of the said captain, with the crucifix in his hand, and delivered a beautiful discourse to all, exhorting us to do that which we were bound to do. And then he gave us absolution from punishment and sin, and said: &quot;Now, my sons, let us all go willingly, for God will be with us.&quot;
** &quot;The Third Book Concerning India&quot;, &quot;The Chapter Concerning the [[w:Battle of Cannanore (1506)|Fleet of Calicut]]&quot; (tr. Jones, pp. 275–276)

== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}
{{Wikisource|Author:Ludovico di Varthema}}
* ''The Travels of Ludovico di Varthema in Egypt, Syria, Arabia Deserta and Arabia Felix, in Persia, India, and Ethiopia, A.D. 1503 to 1508'', translated by John Winter Jones, edited by George Percy Badger (London: Hakluyt Society, 1863)
* ''Travelers in Disguise: Narratives of Eastern Travel by Poggio Bracciolini and Ludivico de Varthema'', translated by John Winter Jones, introduction by Lincoln Davis Hammond (Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 1963)
{{DEFAULTSORT:Varthema, Ludovico di}}
[[Category:1517 deaths]]
[[Category:Non-fiction authors from Italy]]
[[Category:Travel writers]]
[[Category:Diarists]]</text>
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      <text bytes="6438" sha1="tp739f78xp3202xwj3rrqdfqpo999s3" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Varthema ttp (cropped).jpg|thumb|]]
'''[[w:Ludovico di Varthema|Ludovico di Varthema]]''', also known as '''Barthema''' and '''Vertomannus''' (c. 1470 – 1517), was an Italian traveller, diarist and aristocrat known for being one of the first non-Muslim Europeans to enter [[w:Mecca|Mecca]] as a pilgrim. Nearly everything that is known about his life comes from his own account of his travels, ''Itinerario de Ludouico de Varthema Bolognese'', published in Rome in 1510.

== Quotes ==

=== ''Itinerario de Ludouico de Varthema Bolognese'' (1510) ===

* [[Mahomet]] was captain, and he was an Arab. Haly was son-in-law of Mahomet, that is, he was the husband of Fatoma, who was the daughter of Mahomet. Babacher was he of whom we should say that he was cardinal, and wanted to be pope. Othman was one of his captains. Aumar was another of his captains. And these said books treat about each of his people, that is, of the said captains; and, on this account it is that this ''canaille'' cut each other to pieces, for some wish to act according to the commandments of one, and some of another, and thus they do not know how to make up their minds; and they kill each other like beasts about these heresies, for they are all false.
** &quot;The Book Concerning Arabia Deserta&quot;, &quot;The Chapter Concerning Where Mahomet and His Companions Were Buried&quot; (tr. John Winter Jones, 1863, pp. 27–28)

* [[w:Gujarati people|Guzerati]] are a certain race which eats nothing that has blood, and never kills any living thing. And these same people are neither Moors nor heathens. It is my opinion that if they were baptized, they would all be saved by virtue of their works, for they never do to others what they would not that others should do unto them. Their dress is this: some wear a shirt, and some go naked, with the exception of a piece of cloth about their middle, having nothing on their feet or on their legs. On their heads they wear a large red cloth; and they are of a tawny colour. And for this, their goodness, the aforesaid sultan &lt;nowiki&gt;[&lt;/nowiki&gt;[[Mahmud Begada|Machamuth]]&lt;nowiki&gt;]&lt;/nowiki&gt; took from them their kingdom. 
** &quot;The First Book Concerning India&quot;, &quot;The Chapter Concerning the Estate of the Sultan of the Very Noble City of Combeia&quot; (tr. Jones, pp. 108–109)

* The Moorish Cadi held a council with all the Moorish merchants, amongst whom were collected one hundred ducats, which they carried to the king of the Gioghi, who was at that time in Calicut with three thousand Gioghi, to whom the said Moors said: &quot;Sir, thou knowest that in other years when thou hast come here we have shown thee much kindness, and more honour than we show thee now; the reason is this: there are here two Christians who are enemies of our faith and yours, who inform the Portuguese of all that is done in this country; wherefore, we beseech thee to kill them, and to take these hundred ducats.&quot; The king of the Gioghi immediately sent two hundred men to kill the said wo Christians, and when they went to their house, they began by tens to sound their horns and demand alms. And when the Christians saw so many people increasing they said: &quot;These want something else besides alms;&quot; and began to fight, so that these two killed six of them, and wounded more than forty. At last, these Gioghi cast at them certain pieces of iron which are made round like a wheel, and they threw them with a sling, and struck Ioan-Maria on the head and Pietro Antonio on the head, so that they fell to the ground; and then they ran upon them and cut open the veins of their throats, and with their hands they drank their blood.
** &quot;The Third Book Concerning India&quot;, &quot;The Chapter Showing How I Escaped from Canonor to the Portuguese&quot; (tr. Jones, pp. 273–274)

* All this fleet was two hundred and nine sail, of which eighty-four were large ships, and the remainder were rowing vessels, that is, ''paraos''. In which fleet there was an infinite number of armed Moors; and they wore certain red garments of cloth stuffed with cotton, and they wore certain large caps stuffed, and also on the arms bracelets and gloves stuffed; and a great number of bows and lances, swords and shields, and large and small artillery after our custom. When we saw this fleet, ... truly, seeing so many ships together, it appeared as though one saw a very large wood. We Christians always hoped that God would aid us to confound the Pagan faith. And the most valiant knight, the captain of the fleet, son of Don Francisco dal Meda, Viceroy of India, was here with eleven ships, amongst which there were two galleys and one brigantine. When he saw such a multitude of ships, he acted like a most valiant captain: he called to him all his knights and men of the said ships, and then began to exhort and beseech them that, for the love of God and of the Christian faith, they would expose themselves willingly to suffer death, saying in this wise: &quot;O sirs, O brothers, now is the day that we must remember the Passion of Christ, and how much pain He endured to redeem us sinners. Now is that day when all our sins will be blotted out. For this I beseech you that we determine to go vigorously against these dogs; for I hope that God will give us the victory, and will not choose that His faith should fail.&quot; And then the spiritual father stood upon the ship of the said captain, with the crucifix in his hand, and delivered a beautiful discourse to all, exhorting us to do that which we were bound to do. And then he gave us absolution from punishment and sin, and said: &quot;Now, my sons, let us all go willingly, for God will be with us.&quot;
** &quot;The Third Book Concerning India&quot;, &quot;The Chapter Concerning the [[w:Battle of Cannanore (1506)|Fleet of Calicut]]&quot; (tr. Jones, pp. 275–276)

== External links ==
{{Wikipedia}}
{{Wikisource|Author:Ludovico di Varthema}}
* ''The Travels of Ludovico di Varthema in Egypt, Syria, Arabia Deserta and Arabia Felix, in Persia, India, and Ethiopia, A.D. 1503 to 1508'', translated by John Winter Jones, edited by George Percy Badger (London: Hakluyt Society, 1863)
* ''Travelers in Disguise: Narratives of Eastern Travel by Poggio Bracciolini and Ludivico de Varthema'', translated by John Winter Jones, introduction by Lincoln Davis Hammond (Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 1963)
{{DEFAULTSORT:Varthema, Ludovico di}}
[[Category:1517 deaths]]
[[Category:Non-fiction authors from Italy]]
[[Category:Travel writers]]
[[Category:Diarists]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Cecília Meireles</title>
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      <text bytes="2765" sha1="danhrc236m9rwmszjd14f94zpwf1eps" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Cecília Meireles|Cecília Benevides de Carvalho Meireles]]'''  (7 November 1901 – 9 November 1964; born and died in Rio de Janeiro) was an educator and Portuguese-language writer, known principally as a [[poet]].

{{people-stub}} (&lt;--- use if only providing a few quotes to start)
== Quotes ==  
*&quot;Introduction&quot;&lt;br&gt;Here is my heritage:&lt;br&gt;This solitary sea —&lt;br&gt;On one side it was love&lt;br&gt;And on the other forgetfulness.
**translated from the original Portuguese into English by John Nist in ''Modern Brazilian Poetry: An Anthology'' (1962)

*&quot;''Motivo&quot;&lt;br&gt;Eu canto porque o instante existe&lt;br&gt;e a minha vida está completa.&lt;br&gt;Não sou alegre nem sou triste:&lt;br&gt;sou poeta.
**(fragment from) &quot;Motive&quot;&lt;br&gt;I sing because the moment exists&lt;br&gt;and my life is complete.&lt;br&gt;I’m not happy and I’m not sad:&lt;br&gt;I’m a poet.
**translation into English by [https://www.vianegativa.us/2015/06/contrary-moon-three-poems-by-cecilia-meireles/ Natalie d'Arbeloff]

*&quot;''Retrato&quot;&lt;br&gt;Eu não dei por esta mudança,&lt;br&gt;tão simples, tão certa, tão fácil:&lt;br&gt;– Em que espelho ficou perdida&lt;br&gt;a minha face?''
**(fragment from) &quot;Portrait&quot;&lt;br&gt;I didn’t expect this transformation,&lt;br&gt;so simple, so sure, so easy:&lt;br&gt;— In which mirror did I lose&lt;br&gt;my face?
**translation into English by [https://www.vianegativa.us/2015/06/contrary-moon-three-poems-by-cecilia-meireles/ Natalie d'Arbeloff] 

*&quot;Lua Adversa&quot;&lt;br&gt;Tenho fases, como a lua.&lt;br&gt;Fases de andar escondida,&lt;br&gt;fases de vir para a rua…&lt;br&gt;Perdição da minha vida!&lt;br&gt;Perdição da vida minha!&lt;br&gt;Tenho fases de ser tua,&lt;br&gt;tenho outras de ser sozinha.
**(fragment from) &quot;Contrary Moon&quot;&lt;br&gt;I have phases, like the moon.&lt;br&gt;Phases to hide myself,&lt;br&gt;phases to walk the street…&lt;br&gt;Perdition!&lt;br&gt;Perdition!&lt;br&gt;I have phases of being yours,&lt;br&gt;and others of being solitary.
**translation into English by [https://www.vianegativa.us/2015/06/contrary-moon-three-poems-by-cecilia-meireles/ Natalie d'Arbeloff] 

== Quotes about ==

== External links== 
{{Wikipedia}} 
*[https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/2782269.Cec_lia_Meireles GoodReads page]
*[https://web.archive.org/web/20100617153455/http://www.vidaslusofonas.pt/cecilia_meireles2.htm Vidas Lusófonas page] (translated into English)
*[https://www.antoniomiranda.com.br/poesia_ingles/cecilia_meireles.html Poems translated into English]
*[https://www.vianegativa.us/2015/06/contrary-moon-three-poems-by-cecilia-meireles/ &quot;Contrary Moon: three poems by Cecília Meireles&quot;] from ''Via Negativa''
*[https://ex-puritan.ca/three-poems-translated-by-dean-thomas-ellis &quot;Three Poems, Translated by Dean Thomas Ellis&quot;] in ''The Ex-Puritan''

{{DEFAULTSORT:(Meireles, Cecília)}}
[[Category:1901 births]]
[[Category:1964 deaths]]
[[Category:Poets from Brazil]]</text>
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      <text bytes="2695" sha1="s9o7ba6iu5leubmrfef5ngn6n9jnykv" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Cecília Meireles|Cecília Benevides de Carvalho Meireles]]'''  (7 November 1901 – 9 November 1964; born and died in Rio de Janeiro) was an educator and Portuguese-language writer, known principally as a [[poet]].

{{author-stub}} 
== Quotes ==  
*&quot;Introduction&quot;&lt;br&gt;Here is my heritage:&lt;br&gt;This solitary sea —&lt;br&gt;On one side it was love&lt;br&gt;And on the other forgetfulness.
**translated from the original Portuguese into English by John Nist in ''Modern Brazilian Poetry: An Anthology'' (1962)

*&quot;''Motivo&quot;&lt;br&gt;Eu canto porque o instante existe&lt;br&gt;e a minha vida está completa.&lt;br&gt;Não sou alegre nem sou triste:&lt;br&gt;sou poeta.
**(fragment from) &quot;Motive&quot;&lt;br&gt;I sing because the moment exists&lt;br&gt;and my life is complete.&lt;br&gt;I’m not happy and I’m not sad:&lt;br&gt;I’m a poet.
**translation into English by [https://www.vianegativa.us/2015/06/contrary-moon-three-poems-by-cecilia-meireles/ Natalie d'Arbeloff]

*&quot;''Retrato&quot;&lt;br&gt;Eu não dei por esta mudança,&lt;br&gt;tão simples, tão certa, tão fácil:&lt;br&gt;– Em que espelho ficou perdida&lt;br&gt;a minha face?''
**(fragment from) &quot;Portrait&quot;&lt;br&gt;I didn’t expect this transformation,&lt;br&gt;so simple, so sure, so easy:&lt;br&gt;— In which mirror did I lose&lt;br&gt;my face?
**translation into English by [https://www.vianegativa.us/2015/06/contrary-moon-three-poems-by-cecilia-meireles/ Natalie d'Arbeloff] 

*&quot;Lua Adversa&quot;&lt;br&gt;Tenho fases, como a lua.&lt;br&gt;Fases de andar escondida,&lt;br&gt;fases de vir para a rua…&lt;br&gt;Perdição da minha vida!&lt;br&gt;Perdição da vida minha!&lt;br&gt;Tenho fases de ser tua,&lt;br&gt;tenho outras de ser sozinha.
**(fragment from) &quot;Contrary Moon&quot;&lt;br&gt;I have phases, like the moon.&lt;br&gt;Phases to hide myself,&lt;br&gt;phases to walk the street…&lt;br&gt;Perdition!&lt;br&gt;Perdition!&lt;br&gt;I have phases of being yours,&lt;br&gt;and others of being solitary.
**translation into English by [https://www.vianegativa.us/2015/06/contrary-moon-three-poems-by-cecilia-meireles/ Natalie d'Arbeloff] 

== External links== 
{{Wikipedia}} 
*[https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/2782269.Cec_lia_Meireles GoodReads page]
*[https://web.archive.org/web/20100617153455/http://www.vidaslusofonas.pt/cecilia_meireles2.htm Vidas Lusófonas page] (translated into English)
*[https://www.antoniomiranda.com.br/poesia_ingles/cecilia_meireles.html Poems translated into English]
*[https://www.vianegativa.us/2015/06/contrary-moon-three-poems-by-cecilia-meireles/ &quot;Contrary Moon: three poems by Cecília Meireles&quot;] from ''Via Negativa''
*[https://ex-puritan.ca/three-poems-translated-by-dean-thomas-ellis &quot;Three Poems, Translated by Dean Thomas Ellis&quot;] in ''The Ex-Puritan''

{{DEFAULTSORT:(Meireles, Cecília)}}
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[[Category:1964 deaths]]
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      <text bytes="2734" sha1="fmtxswchfjby1vrdty5i67auzsp1vtg" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Cecília Meireles|Cecília Benevides de Carvalho Meireles]]'''  (7 November 1901 – 9 November 1964; born and died in Rio de Janeiro) was an educator and Portuguese-language writer, known principally as a [[poet]].

{{author-stub}} 
== Quotes ==  
*&quot;Introduction&quot;&lt;br&gt;Here is my heritage:&lt;br&gt;This solitary sea —&lt;br&gt;On one side it was love&lt;br&gt;And on the other forgetfulness.
**translated from the original Portuguese into English by John Nist in ''Modern Brazilian Poetry: An Anthology'' (1962)

*&quot;''Motivo&quot;&lt;br&gt;Eu canto porque o instante existe&lt;br&gt;e a minha vida está completa.&lt;br&gt;Não sou alegre nem sou triste:&lt;br&gt;sou poeta.
**(fragment from) &quot;Motive&quot;&lt;br&gt;I sing because the moment exists&lt;br&gt;and my life is complete.&lt;br&gt;I’m not happy and I’m not sad:&lt;br&gt;I’m a poet.
**translation into English by [https://www.vianegativa.us/2015/06/contrary-moon-three-poems-by-cecilia-meireles/ Natalie d'Arbeloff]

*&quot;''Retrato&quot;&lt;br&gt;Eu não dei por esta mudança,&lt;br&gt;tão simples, tão certa, tão fácil:&lt;br&gt;– Em que espelho ficou perdida&lt;br&gt;a minha face?''
**(fragment from) &quot;Portrait&quot;&lt;br&gt;I didn’t expect this transformation,&lt;br&gt;so simple, so sure, so easy:&lt;br&gt;— In which mirror did I lose&lt;br&gt;my face?
**translation into English by [https://www.vianegativa.us/2015/06/contrary-moon-three-poems-by-cecilia-meireles/ Natalie d'Arbeloff] 

*&quot;Lua Adversa&quot;&lt;br&gt;Tenho fases, como a lua.&lt;br&gt;Fases de andar escondida,&lt;br&gt;fases de vir para a rua…&lt;br&gt;Perdição da minha vida!&lt;br&gt;Perdição da vida minha!&lt;br&gt;Tenho fases de ser tua,&lt;br&gt;tenho outras de ser sozinha.
**(fragment from) &quot;Contrary Moon&quot;&lt;br&gt;I have phases, like the moon.&lt;br&gt;Phases to hide myself,&lt;br&gt;phases to walk the street…&lt;br&gt;Perdition!&lt;br&gt;Perdition!&lt;br&gt;I have phases of being yours,&lt;br&gt;and others of being solitary.
**translation into English by [https://www.vianegativa.us/2015/06/contrary-moon-three-poems-by-cecilia-meireles/ Natalie d'Arbeloff] 

== External links== 
{{Wikipedia}} 
*[https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/2782269.Cec_lia_Meireles GoodReads page]
*[https://web.archive.org/web/20100617153455/http://www.vidaslusofonas.pt/cecilia_meireles2.htm Vidas Lusófonas page] (translated into English)
*[https://www.antoniomiranda.com.br/poesia_ingles/cecilia_meireles.html Poems translated into English]
*[https://www.vianegativa.us/2015/06/contrary-moon-three-poems-by-cecilia-meireles/ &quot;Contrary Moon: three poems by Cecília Meireles&quot;] from ''Via Negativa''
*[https://ex-puritan.ca/three-poems-translated-by-dean-thomas-ellis &quot;Three Poems, Translated by Dean Thomas Ellis&quot;] in ''The Ex-Puritan''

{{DEFAULTSORT:(Meireles, Cecília)}}
[[Category:1901 births]]
[[Category:1964 deaths]]
[[Category:Poets from Brazil]]
[[Category:Women authors from Brazil]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Esmeralda Ribeiro</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
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    <revision>
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      <text bytes="3195" sha1="nq7scb436i76r24ery80tsr71drv7is" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Esmeralda Ribeiro|Esmeralda Ribeiro]]''' (born 1958 in São Paulo) is a journalist and Portuguese-language writer.
 
== Quotes ==  
*One night, while working at the Humanitarian Center, I went to answer a call. When the phone lines got crossed, I heard the strangest conversation, full of intimate details and emotions, and my life was forever changed.
**beginning of the story &quot;In Search of a Black Butterfly,&quot; English translation in ''Fourteen Female Voices from Brazil'' by Elzbieta Szoka (2002) 

*There are black female writers who came before me, and it's important for me to know that I'm contributing something, too, that I'm not just following their footsteps... I want to pass on my way of seeing the world and the outlook of the black community in Brazil through my works, without following the same patterns. 
**interview in ''Fourteen female voices from Brazil'' by Elzbieta Szoka (2002) 

*...the traveling that we do through reading...perhaps these are the most rewarding trips that a person can take, because they help us to think and to situate our ideas more effectively. A person who reads is many kilometers ahead of other people. A person who reads has a different stance in life. Especially for those of us who are black writers we need to know our history. Someone who doesn't know his or her own origin is ignorant; someone who doesn't know his or her origin will be deceived by false experts, because sometimes lies are told, and a person can end up believing them. For us, literature enables us to go on maturing as creators. Through our creation, we can include factual elements in our work that refer to mythology, to our origins and to our knowledge.
**''Fourteen female voices from Brazil'' by Elzbieta Szoka (2002)

*(Q: Do politics occupy an important role in your life?) ER: Yes, living is a political act. Becoming involved in efforts that guide people toward thinking is a political act. Having an awareness that I'm a person of African descent is a political stance. The decision to have a companion and for a child to be born from my own body is a political act...For those who most closely resemble Hitler or the Brazilian Ku Klux Klan, [[power]] is a potent and lethal weapon that will strike us one way or the other. They want to see us burning or driven through the streets as beggars. From the runway at a show to the gutters of filthy city streets. In my daily life, I try to exercise my right to have a voice and, especially, to have my body respected. Through my literary creation, I'm offering indirect criticism of race relations in Brazil and of relations between men and women. Feminism in Brazil is a struggle where white women go out to fight for their rights while black women stay in the kitchen as household servants. Are we together in this process of demanding our rights, or aren't we? 
**''Fourteen female voices from Brazil'' by Elzbieta Szoka (2002) 

== External links== 
{{Wikipedia}} 
*[https://www.instagram.com/escritoraesmeraldaribeiro/ Instagram page]
*[https://www.goodreads.com/author/list/3976006.Esmeralda_Ribeiro GoodReads page]

{{DEFAULTSORT:Ribeiro, Esmeralda}}
[[Category:1959 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]</text>
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      <text bytes="3455" sha1="s8s1c2a5s6mo9vbm3t8nhakro909j12" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Esmeralda Ribeiro|Esmeralda Ribeiro]]''' (born 1958 in São Paulo) is a journalist and Portuguese-language writer.
 
== Quotes ==  
*One night, while working at the Humanitarian Center, I went to answer a call. When the phone lines got crossed, I heard the strangest conversation, full of intimate details and emotions, and my life was forever changed.
**beginning of the story &quot;In Search of a Black Butterfly,&quot; English translation in ''Fourteen Female Voices from Brazil'' by Elzbieta Szoka (2002) 

*There are black female writers who came before me, and it's important for me to know that I'm contributing something, too, that I'm not just following their footsteps... I want to pass on my way of seeing the world and the outlook of the black community in Brazil through my works, without following the same patterns. 
**interview in ''Fourteen female voices from Brazil'' by Elzbieta Szoka (2002) 

*...the traveling that we do through reading...perhaps these are the most rewarding trips that a person can take, because they help us to think and to situate our ideas more effectively. A person who reads is many kilometers ahead of other people. A person who reads has a different stance in life. Especially for those of us who are black writers we need to know our history. Someone who doesn't know his or her own origin is ignorant; someone who doesn't know his or her origin will be deceived by false experts, because sometimes lies are told, and a person can end up believing them. For us, literature enables us to go on maturing as creators. Through our creation, we can include factual elements in our work that refer to mythology, to our origins and to our knowledge.
**''Fourteen female voices from Brazil'' by Elzbieta Szoka (2002)

*(Q: Do politics occupy an important role in your life?) ER: Yes, living is a political act. Becoming involved in efforts that guide people toward thinking is a political act. Having an awareness that I'm a person of African descent is a political stance. The decision to have a companion and for a child to be born from my own body is a political act...For those who most closely resemble Hitler or the Brazilian Ku Klux Klan, [[power]] is a potent and lethal weapon that will strike us one way or the other. They want to see us burning or driven through the streets as beggars. From the runway at a show to the gutters of filthy city streets. In my daily life, I try to exercise my right to have a voice and, especially, to have my body respected. Through my literary creation, I'm offering indirect criticism of race relations in Brazil and of relations between men and women. Feminism in Brazil is a struggle where white women go out to fight for their rights while black women stay in the kitchen as household servants. Are we together in this process of demanding our rights, or aren't we? 
**''Fourteen female voices from Brazil'' by Elzbieta Szoka (2002) 

== External links== 
{{Wikipedia}} 
*[https://www.instagram.com/escritoraesmeraldaribeiro/ Instagram page]
*[https://www.goodreads.com/author/list/3976006.Esmeralda_Ribeiro GoodReads page]

{{DEFAULTSORT:Ribeiro, Esmeralda}}
[[Category:1959 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Journalists from Brazil]]
[[Category:Poets from Brazil]]
[[Category:Short story writers from Brazil]]
[[Category:Novelists from Brazil]]
[[Category:People from São Paulo]]
[[Category:Women authors from Brazil]]
[[Category:Women born in the 1950s]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Miriam Alves</title>
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      <text bytes="3745" sha1="m6mvu59eursdlyrjlo2r0310bu9rd33" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Miriam Alves|Miriam Aparecida Alves]]''' (born 1952 in São Paulo) is a Portuguese-language writer.

== Quotes ==  
*I am an [[artist]]. I need my space and some times it is difficult for people to understand this truth. For an artist, there is no other option than to be an artist. We don't choose this thing. We are chosen for this thing. I did not choose this. I know people who have tried to reject this vocation, but they are not happy. 
**interview in ''Obsidian'' (2012-13) 

*Every child that is born inherits a spiritual ancestry...Your ancestry is your place and if you do not locate it, you will be out of place.
**interview in ''Obsidian'' (2012-13) 

===Interview in ''Fourteen female voices from Brazil'' (2002)===
book by Elzbieta Szoka

*[[Globalization]] is a process that concentrates all of the benefits into a few hands and the garbage gets thrown in the neigbor's backyard. And that neighbor is always Africa and Latin America.

*I have a commitment to myself regarding my sensibilities. I am a harp with well-stretched strings, and when the call comes, I play. My antennae are out to the world. If the world is disturbed, so am I. If the world is at peace, so am I.

*I would support the party that shares the viewpoint of the heirs of slavery and slavery-related capitalism, the heirs of the garbage dump; yes, that's who we are. [[Capitalism]] is the child of [[slavery]]. The blacks were used as part of a system, and later when that system no longer served a purpose, they were tossed out. 

*When I write a poem it is because I am filled with passion, with love, or because I am angry, or because I am distressed, or because I am happy. I go through several kinds of emotions and I talk to those emotions, which are not only mine. They pass through me, but are not mine alone. When I am writing, I want to open myself to learn about what you are. And when you read what I have written, you are opening yourself to knowing what I am. The song also passes through all of these emotions, but they are emotions that I am developing with the intent of transmitting various things. And like a recipe for making a cake, emotions are the ingredients, and the type of cake is the intent. When the cake is ready, I cut it and give it to people. Sometimes it's good, and sometimes it's not. Sometimes my inspiration is taken from the recipes of others.

*To be black woman in Brazil is complicated. Black women and white women in Brazil have different lives. When white women talk about independence, they talk about leaving the home to go to work, whereas the black woman has been working for many, many years. After slavery was abolished, there was no employment for black men. The black woman went to work and continued working in the home of the white. For the black woman independence would be ''not'' to work, unless you mean to work in her very own home. When feminist ideas arrived in Brazil in the 19th century, we were in the throes of slavery. Which women were talking? White women were doing the talking. The black person did  not have any categories: man, woman, child. The black person was just that - black. The women were the &quot;mammies&quot;; the children were the &quot;pickaninnies.&quot; It is still like this today: if you're white, then the term is child; if you're black, then the term is nothing.

== External links== 
{{Wikipedia}} 
*[https://www.goodreads.com/author/list/713075.Miriam_Alves GoodReads page]
*[https://www.poesianaalma.com.br/2023/04/os-passos-de-miriam-alves-em-dez-poemas.html?m=1 Poesia na Alma page] (in Portuguese)
*[http://www.letras.ufmg.br/literafro/autoras/348-miriam-alves literafro page] (in Portuguese)

{{DEFAULTSORT:Alves, Miriam}}
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[[Category:Living people]]</text>
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      <text bytes="3897" sha1="8y43rbmxo56za2torwkqf515w8pd2co" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Miriam Alves|Miriam Aparecida Alves]]''' (born 1952 in São Paulo) is a Portuguese-language writer.

== Quotes ==  
*I am an [[artist]]. I need my space and some times it is difficult for people to understand this truth. For an artist, there is no other option than to be an artist. We don't choose this thing. We are chosen for this thing. I did not choose this. I know people who have tried to reject this vocation, but they are not happy. 
**interview in ''Obsidian'' (2012-13) 

*Every child that is born inherits a spiritual ancestry...Your ancestry is your place and if you do not locate it, you will be out of place.
**interview in ''Obsidian'' (2012-13) 

===Interview in ''Fourteen female voices from Brazil'' (2002)===
book by Elzbieta Szoka

*[[Globalization]] is a process that concentrates all of the benefits into a few hands and the garbage gets thrown in the neigbor's backyard. And that neighbor is always Africa and Latin America.

*I have a commitment to myself regarding my sensibilities. I am a harp with well-stretched strings, and when the call comes, I play. My antennae are out to the world. If the world is disturbed, so am I. If the world is at peace, so am I.

*I would support the party that shares the viewpoint of the heirs of slavery and slavery-related capitalism, the heirs of the garbage dump; yes, that's who we are. [[Capitalism]] is the child of [[slavery]]. The blacks were used as part of a system, and later when that system no longer served a purpose, they were tossed out. 

*When I write a poem it is because I am filled with passion, with love, or because I am angry, or because I am distressed, or because I am happy. I go through several kinds of emotions and I talk to those emotions, which are not only mine. They pass through me, but are not mine alone. When I am writing, I want to open myself to learn about what you are. And when you read what I have written, you are opening yourself to knowing what I am. The song also passes through all of these emotions, but they are emotions that I am developing with the intent of transmitting various things. And like a recipe for making a cake, emotions are the ingredients, and the type of cake is the intent. When the cake is ready, I cut it and give it to people. Sometimes it's good, and sometimes it's not. Sometimes my inspiration is taken from the recipes of others.

*To be black woman in Brazil is complicated. Black women and white women in Brazil have different lives. When white women talk about independence, they talk about leaving the home to go to work, whereas the black woman has been working for many, many years. After slavery was abolished, there was no employment for black men. The black woman went to work and continued working in the home of the white. For the black woman independence would be ''not'' to work, unless you mean to work in her very own home. When feminist ideas arrived in Brazil in the 19th century, we were in the throes of slavery. Which women were talking? White women were doing the talking. The black person did  not have any categories: man, woman, child. The black person was just that - black. The women were the &quot;mammies&quot;; the children were the &quot;pickaninnies.&quot; It is still like this today: if you're white, then the term is child; if you're black, then the term is nothing.

== External links== 
{{Wikipedia}} 
*[https://www.goodreads.com/author/list/713075.Miriam_Alves GoodReads page]
*[https://www.poesianaalma.com.br/2023/04/os-passos-de-miriam-alves-em-dez-poemas.html?m=1 Poesia na Alma page] (in Portuguese)
*[http://www.letras.ufmg.br/literafro/autoras/348-miriam-alves literafro page] (in Portuguese)

{{DEFAULTSORT:Alves, Miriam}}
[[Category:1952 births]]
[[Category:Living people]]
[[Category:Poets from Brazil]]
[[Category:Short story writers from Brazil]]
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'''[[w:Tony Molina|Tony Molina]]''' is an American musician and singer-songwriter from Millbrae, California.

== Interviews ==

I’m not someone who can write a song about surfing or having pizza parties or whatever other fools do.&lt;ref name=&quot;sily&quot; /&gt;

The whole album [''[[w:In the Store|In the Store]]''] is about [[w:Alcoholism|alcoholism]] and from the perspective of someone who sees the world through an alcoholic lens. The thing about alcoholics is that we have a lot in common and share similar stories and experiences. So I was touching on some things from my personal life that I think are super common among others who live a similar life. From the darkest points of addiction, struggling with recovery, and chronic relapse, to the [[w:Paranoia|paranoia]] and [[w:Anxiety|anxiety]] that comes from withdrawal. As a person in recovery, I felt like I needed to document these things at the time when I was going through it.&lt;ref name=&quot;sily&quot;&gt;{{cite web |last=Mainzer |first=Jordan |title=The Lost Days Interview: 8-Track Document |url=https://sinceileftyoublog.tumblr.com/post/712043997635493888/the-lost-days-interview-8-track-document |website=Since I Left You |date=17 March 2023 |access-date=16 May 2026}}&lt;/ref&gt;

I think the older I get the more I appreciate lyrics. But what I’m mostly drawn to is melody and instrumentation. When lyrics are good, it’s great, but it’s never been my main focus, it’s always been an afterthought.&lt;ref name=&quot;allmusic&quot;&gt;{{cite web |last=Steffen |first=Chris |title=Tony Molina, Master of Short Songs, Explains Why Melody Is King |url=https://www.allmusic.com/blog/post/tony-molina-interview/ |date=July 27, 2018 |access-date=May 17, 2026 }}&lt;/ref&gt;

I don’t write songs about my personal life or anything like that. Mostly I don’t. It’s really uncomfortable to do, so I’ve never even really attempted it that much, it’s much easier to come up with some simple thing that doesn’t apply to me and make that the song. Sometimes when I look back on stuff like that, I think, “All these songs are about a breakup,” but I’m not going through a breakup, I’m not losing people, my life is pretty good.&lt;ref name=&quot;allmusic&quot; /&gt;

I still play the exact same kind of music now as I did as a child...I don’t think I was born from any scene...The ‘hardcore guy finds sensitive side’ angle that people tried to pull in the past doesn’t apply to me. It’s also corny and not interesting.&lt;ref name=&quot;vice-2018&quot;&gt;{{cite web |last=Joyce |first=Colin |title=Tony Molina’s New Album Is a Low-Key Ripper, Like the Man Himself |url=https://www.vice.com/en/article/tony-molina-kill-the-lights-interview-stream/ |website=[[w:Vice (magazine)|Vice]] |date=July 23, 2018 |access-date=May 17, 2026}}&lt;/ref&gt;

I am still wildly uncomfortable with releasing music to the public but I try to shut that off, especially when my friends are so supportive of whatever music I am working on, it kind of convinces me that it is decent or listenable enough to put out there...I usually leave it up to other people to decide. I am perfectly OK with and used to shelving recordings and never releasing them.”&lt;ref name=&quot;vice-2018&quot; /&gt;

I honestly don’t give a care about lyrics when it comes to writing songs.&lt;ref name=&quot;vice-2018&quot; /&gt;

I’ve always done both [solo and bands]. It seems pretty boring to just do one thing.&lt;ref name=&quot;vice&quot;&gt;{{cite web |last=Pessaro |first=Fred |title=Tony Molina May Be A Sensitive Guy, but He Still Wants To Beat You Down |url=https://www.vice.com/en/article/tony-molina-interview/ |website=[[w:Vice (magazine)|Vice]] |date=April 14, 2014 |access-date=May 17, 2026}}&lt;/ref&gt;

== Reference List ==

{{reflist}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Molina, Tony}}
[[Category:Singer-songwriters from the United States]]</text>
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    <title>Jasper Leach</title>
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      <text bytes="2991" sha1="iafwd0djbvrusampm1i70a61j6n3tfp" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Jasper Leach|Jasper Patrick Leach]]''' (usually credited as '''Jasper Leach''') is a musician, recording engineer, and music journalist from Los Angeles, California, currently based in New York City. He also performs under the name [[w:Burner Herzog|Burner Herzog]].

== Quotes ==
* [T]he feelings we have are not new, or even our own, and yet, at the same time, they are our individual feelings. This is a koan that art can solve, and this is something I'm interested in solving all the time in my work.
** Interview, ''The Family Reviews'', 2020

* Art can be a vision of a new world, but the last 20 years have heavily favored re-evaluating the dazzling library of the past that opened up to us with the Internet and endless curated reissues. I think part of this is spurred on by the terrible political situation we've been in - people are scared of the future, and the past can be comforting. This problem is compounded by the fact that in the mid-1980s, technology surpassed what the artist was capable of doing with it, and it keeps lapping us; I fear many of us are not even attempting to catch up.
** Interview, ''The Family Reviews'', 2020

* The Myonics’ album was a long lesson about what not to do. We had no money, so we tracked it at [[w:SAE Expression College|Ex’pression [College]]] because it was free. It took us about two years to finish and then nine months to mix...If you go into the studio for three days, like we did, where there’s a gun to your head and it’s your money, you tend to think on your feet and make better decisions, rather than going to somebody’s house to mix and wondering why it doesn’t sound good for nine months.
** East Bay Express, 2013

* To me, playing ‘psychedelic rock’ means that you can just dream up any crazy idea from any area of the musical spectrum you see fit and bastardize it into rock music – a fairly simple, restrictive medium.
** Interview, Dirty Hippie Radio, 2012

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{cite web |url=https://www.thefamilyreviews.com/features/burner-herzog |title=Burner Herzog |website=The Family Reviews |date=2020 |access-date=2026-05-16 |ref={{SfnRef|Family Reviews|2020}} }}
* {{cite web |date=2013 |title=Doing It Their Way: How Brasil produced one of the best local rock records of the year. |url=https://eastbayexpress.com/doing-it-their-way-1/ |publisher=East Bay Express |access-date=April 8, 2026 |ref={{sfnref|East Bay Express|2013}} }}
* {{cite web | title=The Myonics interview, on what the hell they are. |url=http://dirtyhippieradio.com/2012/06/12/the-myonics-interview-on-what-the-hell-they-are/ |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20131001185855/http://dirtyhippieradio.com/2012/06/12/the-myonics-interview-on-what-the-hell-they-are/ |website=Dirty Hippie Radio |date=June 12, 2012 |archive-date=October 1, 2013 |access-date=May 16, 2026 |ref={{SfnRef|Dirty Hippie|2012}} }}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Leach, Jasper}}
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      <text bytes="3033" sha1="8khgm4r55rkovcbwr4dzokncqv8u4c0" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Jasper Leach|Jasper Patrick Leach]]''' (usually credited as '''Jasper Leach''') is a musician, recording engineer, and music journalist from Los Angeles, California, currently based in New York City. He also performs under the name [[w:Burner Herzog|Burner Herzog]].

== Quotes ==
* [T]he feelings we have are not new, or even our own, and yet, at the same time, they are our individual feelings. This is a koan that art can solve, and this is something I'm interested in solving all the time in my work.
** Interview, ''The Family Reviews'', 2020

* Art can be a vision of a new world, but the last 20 years have heavily favored re-evaluating the dazzling library of the past that opened up to us with the Internet and endless curated reissues. I think part of this is spurred on by the terrible political situation we've been in - people are scared of the future, and the past can be comforting. This problem is compounded by the fact that in the mid-1980s, technology surpassed what the artist was capable of doing with it, and it keeps lapping us; I fear many of us are not even attempting to catch up.
** Interview, ''The Family Reviews'', 2020

* The Myonics’ album was a long lesson about what not to do. We had no money, so we tracked it at [[w:SAE Expression College|Ex’pression [College]]] because it was free. It took us about two years to finish and then nine months to mix...If you go into the studio for three days, like we did, where there’s a gun to your head and it’s your money, you tend to think on your feet and make better decisions, rather than going to somebody’s house to mix and wondering why it doesn’t sound good for nine months.
** East Bay Express, 2013

* To me, playing ‘psychedelic rock’ means that you can just dream up any crazy idea from any area of the musical spectrum you see fit and bastardize it into rock music – a fairly simple, restrictive medium.
** Interview, Dirty Hippie Radio, 2012

== External links ==
{{wikipedia}}
* {{cite web |url=https://www.thefamilyreviews.com/features/burner-herzog |title=Burner Herzog |website=The Family Reviews |date=2020 |access-date=2026-05-16 |ref={{SfnRef|Family Reviews|2020}} }}
* {{cite web |date=2013 |title=Doing It Their Way: How Brasil produced one of the best local rock records of the year. |url=https://eastbayexpress.com/doing-it-their-way-1/ |publisher=East Bay Express |access-date=April 8, 2026 |ref={{sfnref|East Bay Express|2013}} }}
* {{cite web | title=The Myonics interview, on what the hell they are. |url=http://dirtyhippieradio.com/2012/06/12/the-myonics-interview-on-what-the-hell-they-are/ |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20131001185855/http://dirtyhippieradio.com/2012/06/12/the-myonics-interview-on-what-the-hell-they-are/ |website=Dirty Hippie Radio |date=June 12, 2012 |archive-date=October 1, 2013 |access-date=May 16, 2026 |ref={{SfnRef|Dirty Hippie|2012}} }}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Leach, Jasper}}
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    <title>Roberto Marchesini</title>
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[[File:RM BYGO4I.jpg|thumb|Roberto Marchesini]]

'''[[q:it:Roberto Marchesini|Roberto Marchesini]]''' (born 1959) is an Italian philosopher, ethologist and essayist.

==''Contro i diritti degli animali?''==
:&lt;small&gt;Roberto Marchesini, ''Contro i diritti degli animali? Proposta per un antispecismo postumanista'', Edizioni Sonda, Casale Monferrato, 2014. ISBN 978-88-7106-735-3&lt;/small&gt;

===[[w:Incipit|Incipit]]===
In recent years, [[speciesism]], as a topic of debate, or as a counterterm towards which to direct a proposal or a movement aimed at criticising its principles, has received a great deal of attention, although not always in a coherent and appropriate way. Thinking about speciesism has become almost a philosophical prolegomenon or a basic problematic issue, confirming in some ways the testamentary expression of [[Jacques Derrida]], who handed us this topic as a philosophical question of the future.

===Quotes===
*The word-concept [speciesism] highlighted by Ryder follows or gives explicit meaning to those discussions that, since the mid-1960s, have begun to denounce certain practices, resulting above all from technical-scientific development and industrialisation, which are oppressive (to put it mildly) towards other species. I am referring to essays such as ''Animal Machines'' by [[w:Ruth Harrison|Ruth Harrison]] or ''Silent Spring'' by [[w:Rachel Carson|Rachel Carson]], essays that would later, in the 1970s, inaugurate the leitmotif of the white paper. In this regard, The ''Imperatrice nuda'' (Naked Empress) by [[w:Hans Ruesch|Hans Ruesch]] is exemplary, a true manifesto of anti-vivisectionism. (p. 11)
*With the first decade of the twenty-first century, the term &quot;speciesism&quot; has been enriched with new predicates, going beyond the praxic definition of Ryder and the moral definition of [[w:Peter Singer|Singer]] and [[w:Tom Regan|Regan]]. New deconstructions of the character of species are emerging, taking up the considerations of [[Jacques Derrida|Derrida]]'s final essay ''L'animale che dunque sono'' (The Animal That Therefore I Am) or the conceptions of singularity that characterise the proposals, which, albeit in a varied way, can be found in [[Gilles Deleuze]], [[Michel Foucault]] and [[Giorgio Agamben]]. (p. 16)
*Every time the [[Descartes|Cartesian]] idea of animals as automata is mentioned  – &quot;Don't worry, it's the creaking of a machine&quot; – people are stunned, forgetting that most of the interpretation of animal behaviour is informed to the letter by the concept of res extensa. The animal, reduced to a dead thing and studied on the autopsy table, is declared non-existent: for it, death is not given but simply the cessation of organic functions. (p. 32)
*That animals can suffer, to put it in Bentham's terms, or are exposed to pain, to recall Derrida, is beyond dispute, even if some researchers (lacking the faintest ethnographic knowledge) persist in subjecting cats to extremely painful tests – with unequivocal behavioural responses – and then claim that there is no scientific evidence. I imagine that the only evidence that would convince them (perhaps) would be if the cat explicitly told them to get lost. (pp. 37-38)
*[...] well-being is based on a dynamic (not homeostatic) balance between inputs, in terms of gratification and fulfilment, and outputs, in terms of fatigue, stress and so on. Since it is not possible to eliminate the outgoings in an individual's life, as stress, frustration and fatigue are part of life, it is clear that depriving them of the incomings means that, inevitably, the balance will go into the red within a short time. If it were true that removing the outputs is enough to ensure well-being, a zebra at the zoo should be the happiest animal on this Earth. [...] If this were really the case, hypothetically putting the zoo in direct relation to the savannah, we would expect all the zebras to move from the savannah to the zoo. Conversely, the only zebra in the zoo would undoubtedly head for the savannah. (pp. 39-40)
*Ethology is the science that allows human beings to encounter animal otherness in its behavioural expression – in perception as in communication, in motivation as in cognition – and this cognitive exercise not only allows us to acquire important data on the peculiarities of non-humans but also gives rise to a training ground for anthropodecentrism because it accustoms us to considering the human point of view as relative, that is, neither metric nor subsumptive of possibilities. (pp. 64-65)
*An ethologist knows that the legs of the cheetah speak of the speed of the gazelle. (p. 75)
*My memories as a trainee at the slaughterhouse in Bologna are still vivid in the trepidation I felt in front of the short space that separated the processing tunnel from the disassembly line, a minimal gap between the greatness of life and the nothingness of death, in handling those organs still warm with life and beating uselessly, and in observing their boundless perfection. (p. 77)
*Sometimes predation is chilling, as is the case with the praying mantis which, having grasped the victim's body, slowly devours it with a swaying of its triangular head that makes it look like an embroiderer, except that with each pass, an orbit of flesh is removed from the prey's somatic tissue. The habits of solitary wasps also  seem terrifying to us, as they anaesthetise the motor control of a caterpillar and inseminate its body with eggs from which sarcophagous larvae will hatch and empty it from the inside. [...] Predation seems even more disturbing to us if the predator seems to be mocking or playing with its prey, as a cat does with a mouse or an orca with a seal. (p. 77)
*[...] the speed of the cheetah is the same as that of the gazelle and vice versa, so we can say that in the cheetah, speed was created by the gazelle, as well as the reverse. (p. 78)
*Zooanthropology as a discipline was created to highlight the fact that, like it or not, there are no cultural barriers between species and that there are therefore continuous shifts in perspective between subjects despite their differences in perspective. (p. 155)
*[...] for posthumanist philosophy, animal liberation represents the conceptual core, just as human liberation did for humanism. It is clear that for posthumanism, animal liberation represents the true liberation of humankind. (p. 163)

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    <title>Samuel Franklin Emmons</title>
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      <text bytes="5109" sha1="tsj652oy87fpyo23rg2km0l4igcnjja" xml:space="preserve">'''{{w|Samuel Franklin Emmons}}''' (March 29, 1841 &amp;ndash; March 28, 1911) was an American [[geology|geologist]], director of the Rocky Mountain Division of the {{w|United States Geological Survey}}, and president of the {{w|Geological Society of America}} for the academic year 1903–1904. He was elected in 1892 a member of the U.S. {{w|National Academy of Sciences}}. The mineral {{w|emmonsite}}, {{w|Mount Emmons (Colorado)|Mount Emmons}}, [[Colorado]], and {{w|Mount Emmons (Utah)|Mount Emmons}}, [[Utah]], are named after him.

==Quotes==
* The {{w|Mosquito Range}}, the study of whose geological structure formed a necessary basis for that of the ore deposits of the {{w|Leadville, Colorado|Leadville}} region, in the western boundary of the {{w|South Park (Park County, Colorado)|South Park}}, and has thus been considered from a topographical standpoint to form part of the {{w|Park Range (Colorado)|Park Range}}. [[Geology]] shows, however, that in {{w|Paleozoic}} times the boundary of the depressions now known as the Parks was formed by the {{w|Archean}} masses of the Colorado Range on the east and of the {{w|Sawatch Range|Sawatch}} and its continuation in the north, the Park Range on the west, and that the uplift of the Mosquito Range did not occur until the close of the {{w|Cretaceous}}. 
** {{cite book|chapter=Brief Outline of Results|title=Geology and Mining Industry of Leadville, Colorado|series=
Volume 12 of Geological Survey United States: Monographs of the United States Geological Survey; Volume 49 of Miscellaneous Documents of the House of Representatives, United States House of Representatives; Western Americana|publisher=U.S. Government Printing Office|year=1886|chapter-url=https://books.google.com/books?id=8A2jc1L0bhAC&amp;pg=PR29}} (770 pages)

* Seventy-five miles south of the {{w|Mexico–United States border|International Boundary}} in the Valley of the {{w|Moctezuma River}}, in {{w|Sonora}}, [[Mexico]], lies the picturesquely situated town of {{w|Nacozari de García|Nacozari}}, which has grown up during the last six or seven years around the concentration works that dress the {{w|Copper#Occurrence|copper ore}}s from the neighboring mine known as [https://historiadenacozari.org/cronica/the-pilares-mine-in-1910-a-historical-perspective/ Los Pilares].&lt;br&gt;This mine, whose economic importance may be gauged by the fact that it has already produced over 600,000 tons of copper ore, is one of the many copper properties in the southwest owned and managed by the {{w|Phelps Dodge|Phelps-Dodge &amp; Company}} interests.
** {{cite journal|year=1906|title=Los Pilares Mine, Nacozari, Mexico|journal=Economic Geology|volume=1|issue=7|pages=629–643|url=https://ia600805.us.archive.org/view_archive.php?archive=/13/items/crossref-pre-1909-scholarly-works/10.2113%252Fgsecongeo.1.1.11.zip&amp;file=10.2113%252Fgsecongeo.1.7.629.pdf}}

* The only systematic exploration of the {{w|Uinta Mountains|entire range}} was made by the {{w|Geological Exploration of the Fortieth Parallel|Fortieth Parallel party}} under my charge, in the summers of 1869 and 1871. In the same years [[John Wesley Powell|Powell]] made {{w|Powell Geographic Expedition of 1869|his famous explorations of the canyons}} of the {{w|Colorado River|Colorado}}, and in so doing traversed the eastern end of the range in his boat journeys down the meandering canyons of the {{w|Green River (Colorado)|Green river}}.&lt;br&gt;In the summer of 1871 [[Ferdinand Vandeveer Hayden|Hayden]] made a hasty reconnaissance along the northern slopes of the range, penetrating the central core at a single point near the head of Blacks fork, where he found {{w|Carboniferous}} fossils in the flanking limestones and “suspected” that the underlying {{w|quartzite}}s might be {{w|Silurian}} from their resemblance to the {{w|Potsdam Sandstone|Potsdam sandstones}}. During the seasons of 1874 and 1875 Powell headed parties that studied the geology of the eastern part of the range and the surrounding {{w|Cretaceous}} and {{w|Tertiary period|Tertiary}} regions. From that time until 1903 there is no record of any geological study of the range.&lt;br&gt;At the time when the {{w|40th parallel north|Fortieth Parallel}} field work was being carried on, what was known of the geology of the {{w|North American Cordillera|Cordillera}}n region was mainly derived from observations of geologists accompanying military expeditions, generally as surgeons.
** {{cite journal|title=Uinta Mountains|journal=Bulletin of the Geological Society of America|year=1907|volume=18|issue=1|pages=287–302|url=https://ia600805.us.archive.org/view_archive.php?archive=/13/items/crossref-pre-1909-scholarly-works/10.1130%252Fgsab-10-121.zip&amp;file=10.1130%252Fgsab-18-287.pdf}} (quote from p. 289)

==External links==
* {{wikipedia-inline}}

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    <title>Madison Beer</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
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      <comment>#100wikiquotedays</comment>
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'''[[w:Madison Beer|Madison Beer]]''' (born March 5, 1999) is an American singer-songwriter. She first gained media attention after Canadian singer [[Justin Bieber]] posted a link to her cover of &quot;[[w:At Last|At Last]]&quot;. In 2018, she released her debut [[extended play]] (EP), ''[[w:As She Pleases|As She Pleases]]''.

{{singer-stub}}
== Quotes ==

* For a long time I was told what to do and how to do it for so long.Then I got to a point where I was like I don't care what you guys want and I'm going to do as I please. It's my life, my career, my face, I can do whatever I want so it's like &quot;as she pleases.&quot;
** [https://www.papermag.com/madison-beer-interview &quot;Madison Beer is Doing As She Pleases, and it's Paying Off&quot;]. ''Paper''. February 2, 2018.
** On fighting to remain true to herself in the music industry.

* I feel like I was so misunderstood. Because I have this big social media platform, and I would post this or do that, people had this idea of me, and I wanted to change that and let them know who I really was.
** Kolokathis, Tina (August 6, 2019). [https://www.elitedaily.com/p/madison-beer-is-taking-back-her-voice-this-time-on-her-own-terms-18155675 &quot;Madison Beer Is Taking Back Her Voice — This Time On Her Own Terms&quot;]. ''Elite Daily''.
** On releasing her EP ''[[w:As She Pleases|As She Pleases]]''.

== Song lyrics ==

* Each day goes by and each night, I cry&lt;br&gt;Somebody saw you with her last night&lt;br&gt;You gave me your word, &quot;Don't worry 'bout her&quot;&lt;br&gt;You might love her now, but you loved me first&lt;br&gt;Said you'd never hurt me, but here we are&lt;br&gt;Oh, you swore on every star&lt;br&gt;How could you be so reckless with my heart?
** &quot;[[w:Reckless (Madison Beer song)|Reckless]]&quot;

* I wanna feel the rush&lt;br&gt;I wanna taste the crush, I wanna get you going&lt;br&gt;I wanna lay you down&lt;br&gt;I wanna string you out, I wanna make you mine&lt;p&gt;I wanna feel the rush&lt;br&gt;I wanna taste the crush, I wanna feel&lt;br&gt;I wanna lay you down&lt;br&gt;I wanna string you out, I wanna make you mine
** &quot;[[w:Make You Mine (Madison Beer song)|Make You Mine]]&quot;

== External links== 
{{Wikipedia}}

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      <comment>Created page with &quot;'''[[w:Tony Mazzocchi|Anthony Mazzocchi]]''' (June 13, 1926 – October 5, 2002) was an American labor leader.   == Quotes ==   &lt;!-- sorted chronologically --&gt;  ===1995===  * Movements grow in desperate times. We are being born. ** [https://www.latimes.com/archives/la-xpm-2002-oct-08-me-mazzocchi8-story.html Tony Mazzocchi, 76; Workplace Safety Advocate, Political Activist] ** Mazzocchi on the founding of the [[w:Labor Party (United States, 1996)|Labor Party]]  ===1997==...&quot;</comment>
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      <text bytes="2330" sha1="7x5p9ioe755ka9zkxtwghl8ssafkkrh" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Tony Mazzocchi|Anthony Mazzocchi]]''' (June 13, 1926 – October 5, 2002) was an American labor leader.


== Quotes ==  
&lt;!-- sorted chronologically --&gt;

===1995===

* Movements grow in desperate times. We are being born.
** [https://www.latimes.com/archives/la-xpm-2002-oct-08-me-mazzocchi8-story.html Tony Mazzocchi, 76; Workplace Safety Advocate, Political Activist]
** Mazzocchi on the founding of the [[w:Labor Party (United States, 1996)|Labor Party]]

===1997===

* We're the only industrial nation in the world where if you strike the employer can replace you with scabs—permanently. That's not a right to strike. That's a right to commit suicide.
** [https://znetwork.org/zmagazine/we-want-to-redefine-what-society-is-all-about-by-mark-harris/ We Want to Redefine What Society Is All About]
** Mazzocchi on impact of the [[w:Taft–Hartley Act|Taft–Hartley Act]]

===1998===

* There is a dawn approaching that is indicating and shouting to us that it’s our moment. But we’ve got to seize that moment and use what we know so well—how to organize and, fundamentally, how to fight! And that’s what the Labor Party is about.
** [http://www.ranknfile-ue.org/uen_1202_mazzocchi.html Union Members Mourn Tony Mazzocchi, Labor Party Founder]
** Mazzocchi at the [[w:United Electrical, Radio and Machine Workers of America|United Electrical, Radio and Machine Workers of America]] 1998 convention


===2002===

* When you build a big movement from down below, regardless of who's in the White House, you can bring about change.
** [https://www.nytimes.com/2002/08/25/us/facing-death-founder-fights-for-labor-party-s-life.html Facing Death, Founder Fights for Labor Party's Life]
** Mazzocchi on his role in the passage of the [[w:Occupational Safety and Health Act (United States)|Occupational Safety and Health Act]]

&lt;!--
=== Quotes from specific Novels/Plays/Works (date published or created)===
''[[Book/Play1]]'' ([http://- Book/Play1])
''[[Book/Play2]]'' ([http://- Book/Play2])


== Quotes about person/work ==
 sorted alphabetically by author --&gt;

== External links== 
{{Wikipedia}} 

{{DEFAULTSORT:(Mazzocchi, Tony)}}

[[Category:Activists from the United States]]
[[Category:American labor union leaders]]
[[Category:Anti-war activists]]
[[Category:Labor activists]]
[[Category:People from Brooklyn]]</text>
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    <title>Oreb and Zeeb</title>
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      <comment>Created page with &quot;'''[[w:Oreb and Zeeb|Oreb and Zeeb]]''' were two [[w:Midian|Midian]]ite princes mentioned in the Hebrew Bible. Oreb is a [[w:Hebrew|Hebrew]] [[w:Old Testament|Old Testament]] name, meaning ''raven'' while Zeeb means ''wolf''. By the time of the Judges, Oreb and Zeeb were raiding Israel with the use of swift [[camel]]s, until they were decisively defeated by [[w:Gideon|Gideon]] (Judges 7:20-25). Many of the Midianites perished along with him (Psalm 83:12; Isaiah 10:26)....&quot;</comment>
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      <text bytes="1687" sha1="4phewl0b6pkhesf4bjxj3u6e5ax7qbz" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Oreb and Zeeb|Oreb and Zeeb]]''' were two [[w:Midian|Midian]]ite princes mentioned in the Hebrew Bible. Oreb is a [[w:Hebrew|Hebrew]] [[w:Old Testament|Old Testament]] name, meaning ''raven'' while Zeeb means ''wolf''. By the time of the Judges, Oreb and Zeeb were raiding Israel with the use of swift [[camel]]s, until they were decisively defeated by [[w:Gideon|Gideon]] (Judges 7:20-25). Many of the Midianites perished along with him (Psalm 83:12; Isaiah 10:26).

==Quotes about==
*Then Gideon sent messengers throughout all the mountains of Ephraim, saying, “Come down against the Midianites, and seize from them the watering places as far as Beth Barah and the Jordan.” Then all the men of Ephraim gathered together and seized the watering places as far as Beth Barah and the Jordan. And they captured two princes of the Midianites, Oreb and Zeeb. They killed Oreb at the rock of Oreb, and Zeeb they killed at the winepress of Zeeb. They pursued Midian and brought the heads of Oreb and Zeeb to Gideon on the other side of the Jordan.
:*[[Book of Judges]] 7:20-25 [[w:New King James Version|NKJV]].

*Make their nobles like Oreb and like Zeeb,
:Yes, all their princes like [[Zebah and Zalmunna]],
:Who said, “Let us take for ourselves
:The pastures of God for a possession.
:*[[Book of Psalms]] 83:11-12 NKJV.

*And the Lord of hosts will stir up a scourge for him like the slaughter of Midian at the rock of Oreb; as His rod was on the sea, so will He lift it up in the manner of Egypt.
:*[[Book of Isaiah]] 10:26 NKJV.

==External links==
{{Wikipedia}}

[[Category:BCE births]]
[[Category:BCE deaths]]
[[Category:People from the Bible]]
[[Category:Military leaders]]</text>
      <sha1>4phewl0b6pkhesf4bjxj3u6e5ax7qbz</sha1>
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    <title>Zebah and Zalmunna</title>
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      <comment>Created page with &quot;'''[[w:Zebah and Zalmunna|Zebah and Zalmunna]]''' were the two kings who led the vast host of the [[w:Midian|Midian]]ites who invaded the [[w:land of Israel|land of Israel]], and over whom [[w:Gideon|Gideon]] gained a great and decisive victory ([[Book of Judges|Judges]] 8). Zebah and Zalmunna had succeeded in escaping across the [[w:Jordan River|Jordan River]] with a remnant of the Midianite host, but were overtaken at Karkor, probably in the [[w:Hauran|Hauran]], and ro...&quot;</comment>
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      <text bytes="2664" sha1="blerrvvfpfbg11m4n6uciuge6vci0ff" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Zebah and Zalmunna|Zebah and Zalmunna]]''' were the two kings who led the vast host of the [[w:Midian|Midian]]ites who invaded the [[w:land of Israel|land of Israel]], and over whom [[w:Gideon|Gideon]] gained a great and decisive victory ([[Book of Judges|Judges]] 8). Zebah and Zalmunna had succeeded in escaping across the [[w:Jordan River|Jordan River]] with a remnant of the Midianite host, but were overtaken at Karkor, probably in the [[w:Hauran|Hauran]], and routed by [[w:Gideon|Gideon]].

==Quotes about==
*Make their nobles like Oreb and Zeeb,
:all their princes like Zebah and Zalmunna,
:who said, “Let us take possession
:of the pasturelands of God.”
:*[[Book of Psalms]] 83:11-12 [[w:ew King James Version|NKJV]].

*Then he said to the men of Succoth, “Please give loaves of bread to the people who follow me, for they are exhausted, and I am pursuing Zebah and Zalmunna, kings of Midian.”
:And the leaders of Succoth said, “Are the hands of Zebah and Zalmunna now in your hand, that we should give bread to your army?”
:So [[Gideon]] said, “For this cause, when the Lord has delivered Zebah and Zalmunna into my hand, then I will tear your flesh with the thorns of the wilderness and with briers!”
:*[[Book of Judges]] 8:5-7 NKJV.

*Now Zebah and Zalmunna were at Karkor, and their armies with them, about fifteen thousand, all who were left of all the army of the people of the East; for one hundred and twenty thousand men who drew the sword had fallen. Then Gideon went up by the road of those who dwell in tents on the east of Nobah and Jogbehah; and he attacked the army while the camp felt secure. When Zebah and Zalmunna fled, he pursued them; and he took the two kings of Midian, Zebah and Zalmunna, and routed the whole army.
:*Book of Judges 8:10-12 NKJV.

*And he said to Zebah and Zalmunna, “What kind of men were they whom you killed at Tabor?”
:So they answered, “As you are, so were they; each one resembled the son of a king.”
:Then he said, “They were my brothers, the sons of my mother. As the Lord lives, if you had let them live, I would not kill you.” And he said to Jether his firstborn, “Rise, kill them!” But the youth would not draw his sword; for he was afraid, because he was still a youth.
:So Zebah and Zalmunna said, “Rise yourself, and kill us; for as a man is, so is his strength.” So Gideon arose and killed Zebah and Zalmunna, and took the crescent ornaments that were on their camels’ necks.
:*Book of Judges 8:18-21 NKJV.

==External links==
{{Wikipedia}}

[[Category:BCE births]]
[[Category:BCE deaths]]
[[Category:People from the Bible]]
[[Category:Military leaders]]</text>
      <sha1>blerrvvfpfbg11m4n6uciuge6vci0ff</sha1>
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    <title>Category:Women authors from Palestine</title>
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    <title>Category:Women from Palestine by occupation</title>
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  <page>
    <title>Achish</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
    <id>307456</id>
    <revision>
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      <comment>Created page with &quot;'''Achish''' is a name used in the [[w:Hebrew Bible|Hebrew Bible]] for two [[w:Philistines|Philistine]] rulers of [[w:Gath (city)|Gath]].  ==Quotes== *(Addressed to his ministers, who had brought [[David]] to him) Then Achish said to his servants, “Look, you see the man is insane. Why have you brought him to me? Have I need of madmen, that you have brought this fellow to play the madman in my presence? Shall this fellow come into my house?”  :*Books of Samuel|1 Sa...&quot;</comment>
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      <text bytes="1412" sha1="o2w6e0xl6lt4cibqjq7o52ep884gt4z" xml:space="preserve">'''Achish''' is a name used in the [[w:Hebrew Bible|Hebrew Bible]] for two [[w:Philistines|Philistine]] rulers of [[w:Gath (city)|Gath]].

==Quotes==
*(Addressed to his ministers, who had brought [[David]] to him) Then Achish said to his servants, “Look, you see the man is insane. Why have you brought him to me? Have I need of madmen, that you have brought this fellow to play the madman in my presence? Shall this fellow come into my house?” 
:*[[Books of Samuel|1 Samuel]] 21:14-15 [[w:New King James Version|NKJV]].

==Quotes about==
*A Psalm of [[David]] when he pretended madness before Abimelech, who drove him away, and he departed.
:*[[Book of Psalms]] 34:1 NKJV.

*And the servants of Achish said to him, “Is this not David the king of the land? Did they not sing of him to one another in dances, saying:
:‘Saul has slain his thousands,
:And David his ten thousands’?”
:Now David took these words to heart, and was very much afraid of Achish the king of Gath. So he changed his behavior before them, pretended madness in their hands, scratched on the doors of the gate, and let his saliva fall down on his beard. Then Achish said to his servants, “Look, you see the man is insane. Why have you brought him to me?
:*1 Samuel 21:11-14 NKJV.

==External links==
{{Wikipedia}}

[[Category:BCE births]]
[[Category:BCE deaths]]
[[Category:People from the Bible]]
[[Category:Military leaders]]</text>
      <sha1>o2w6e0xl6lt4cibqjq7o52ep884gt4z</sha1>
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      <text bytes="1425" sha1="6cismiry1o2psmum9hsybkqf6mvt4xe" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Achish|Achish]]''' is a name used in the [[w:Hebrew Bible|Hebrew Bible]] for two [[w:Philistines|Philistine]] rulers of [[w:Gath (city)|Gath]].

==Quotes==
*(Addressed to his ministers, who had brought [[David]] to him) Then Achish said to his servants, “Look, you see the man is insane. Why have you brought him to me? Have I need of madmen, that you have brought this fellow to play the madman in my presence? Shall this fellow come into my house?” 
:*[[Books of Samuel|1 Samuel]] 21:14-15 [[w:New King James Version|NKJV]].

==Quotes about==
*A Psalm of [[David]] when he pretended madness before Abimelech, who drove him away, and he departed.
:*[[Book of Psalms]] 34:1 NKJV.

*And the servants of Achish said to him, “Is this not David the king of the land? Did they not sing of him to one another in dances, saying:
:‘Saul has slain his thousands,
:And David his ten thousands’?”
:Now David took these words to heart, and was very much afraid of Achish the king of Gath. So he changed his behavior before them, pretended madness in their hands, scratched on the doors of the gate, and let his saliva fall down on his beard. Then Achish said to his servants, “Look, you see the man is insane. Why have you brought him to me?
:*1 Samuel 21:11-14 NKJV.

==External links==
{{Wikipedia}}

[[Category:BCE births]]
[[Category:BCE deaths]]
[[Category:People from the Bible]]
[[Category:Military leaders]]</text>
      <sha1>6cismiry1o2psmum9hsybkqf6mvt4xe</sha1>
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  <page>
    <title>Arthur Lyon Fremantle</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
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      <comment>Created page with &quot;[[File:Arthur Fremantle (cropped).jpg|thumb|]] '''[[w:Arthur Lyon Fremantle|Sir Arthur James Lyon Fremantle]]''' GCMG CB KStJ (11 November 1835 – 25 September 1901) was a British Army officer best known for his travels through the United States during the [[American Civil War]]. {{Stub}}  == Quotes ==  === ''Three Months in the Southern States, April–June 1863'' (1863) === :&lt;small&gt;'''Edinburgh and London: William Blackwood and Sons'''&lt;/small&gt;  File:An advance of th...&quot;</comment>
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'''[[w:Arthur Lyon Fremantle|Sir Arthur James Lyon Fremantle]]''' GCMG CB KStJ (11 November 1835 – 25 September 1901) was a British Army officer best known for his travels through the United States during the [[American Civil War]].
{{Stub}}

== Quotes ==

=== ''Three Months in the Southern States, April–June 1863'' (1863) ===
:&lt;small&gt;'''Edinburgh and London: William Blackwood and Sons'''&lt;/small&gt;

[[File:An advance of the cavalry skirmish line.jpg|thumb|These cavalry fights are miserable affairs...They approach one another with considerable boldness...and then, at the very moment when a dash is necessary, and the sword alone should be used, they...commence a desultory fire with carbines and revolvers.]]

* Cavalry skirmishing went on until quite dark, a determined attack having been made by the enemy, who did his best to prevent the trains from crossing the Potomac at [[w:Battle of Williamsport|Williamsport]]. It resulted in the success of the Confederates; but every impartial man confesses that these cavalry fights are miserable affairs. Neither party has any idea of serious charging with the sabre. They approach one another with considerable boldness, until they get to within about forty yards, and then, at the very moment when a dash is necessary, and the sword alone should be used, they hesitate, halt, and commence a desultory fire with carbines and revolvers.
** &quot;Cavalry Skirmishing&quot;, p. 291

== External links ==
* {{Wikipedia-inline}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Fremantle, Arthur Lyon}}
[[Category:1835 births]]
[[Category:1901 deaths]]
[[Category:Military leaders from England]]
[[Category:Travel writers]]</text>
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'''[[w:Arthur Lyon Fremantle|Sir Arthur James Lyon Fremantle]]''' GCMG CB KStJ (11 November 1835 – 25 September 1901) was a British Army officer best known for his travels through the United States during the [[American Civil War]].
{{Stub}}

== Quotes ==

=== ''Three Months in the Southern States, April–June 1863'' (1863) ===
:&lt;small&gt;'''Edinburgh and London: William Blackwood and Sons'''&lt;/small&gt;

[[File:An advance of the cavalry skirmish line.jpg|thumb|These cavalry fights are miserable affairs...They approach one another with considerable boldness...and then, at the very moment when a dash is necessary, and the sword alone should be used, they...commence a desultory fire with carbines and revolvers.]]

* Cavalry skirmishing went on until quite dark, a determined attack having been made by the enemy, who did his best to prevent the trains from crossing the Potomac at [[w:Battle of Williamsport|Williamsport]]. It resulted in the success of the Confederates; but every impartial man confesses that these cavalry fights are miserable affairs. Neither party has any idea of serious charging with the sabre. They approach one another with considerable boldness, until they get to within about forty yards, and then, at the very moment when a dash is necessary, and the sword alone should be used, they hesitate, halt, and commence a desultory fire with carbines and revolvers.
** &quot;Cavalry Skirmishing&quot;, p. 291

== External links ==
* {{Wikipedia-inline}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Fremantle, Arthur Lyon}}
[[Category:1835 births]]
[[Category:1901 deaths]]
[[Category:Military leaders from England]]
[[Category:Travel writers]]
[[Category:Diarists]]</text>
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'''[[w:Arthur Lyon Fremantle|Sir Arthur James Lyon Fremantle]]''' GCMG CB KStJ (11 November 1835 – 25 September 1901) was a British Army officer best known for his travels through the United States during the [[American Civil War]].

{{military-stub}}
== Quotes ==
=== ''Three Months in the Southern States, April–June 1863'' (1863) ===
:&lt;small&gt;'''Edinburgh and London: William Blackwood and Sons'''&lt;/small&gt;

[[File:An advance of the cavalry skirmish line.jpg|thumb|These cavalry fights are miserable affairs...They approach one another with considerable boldness...and then, at the very moment when a dash is necessary, and the sword alone should be used, they...commence a desultory fire with carbines and revolvers.]]

* Cavalry skirmishing went on until quite dark, a determined attack having been made by the enemy, who did his best to prevent the trains from crossing the Potomac at [[w:Battle of Williamsport|Williamsport]]. It resulted in the success of the Confederates; but every impartial man confesses that these cavalry fights are miserable affairs. Neither party has any idea of serious charging with the sabre. They approach one another with considerable boldness, until they get to within about forty yards, and then, at the very moment when a dash is necessary, and the sword alone should be used, they hesitate, halt, and commence a desultory fire with carbines and revolvers.
** &quot;Cavalry Skirmishing&quot;, p. 291

== External links ==
* {{Wikipedia-inline}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Fremantle, Arthur Lyon}}
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[[Category:1901 deaths]]
[[Category:Military leaders from England]]
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      <comment>Created page with &quot;[[Category:Women from Jamaica by occupation|Authors]] [[Category:Women authors by country|Jamaica]] [[Category:Authors from Jamaica]]&quot;</comment>
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  <page>
    <title>Wikiquote:Votes for deletion/Victorius kingston</title>
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      <timestamp>2026-05-18T22:07:59Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>GrimRob</username>
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      <comment>VfD: Victorius kingston</comment>
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      <text bytes="217" sha1="tadfjvtquhyvelx6m62hl9bb4tt4iz7" xml:space="preserve">== [[:Victorius kingston]] ==
none of the links work, not sure he's notable — [[User:GrimRob|GrimRob]] ([[User talk:GrimRob|talk]]) 22:07, 18 May 2026 (UTC)
&lt;small&gt;'''Vote closes''': 23:00, 25 May 2026 (UTC)&lt;/small&gt;</text>
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      <timestamp>2026-05-18T22:08:00Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>GrimRob</username>
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      <comment>Adding nominator vote</comment>
      <origin>3942547</origin>
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      <text bytes="324" sha1="t5qdiblkozeis8g2mjehlwm7f6u0r2j" xml:space="preserve">== [[:Victorius kingston]] ==
none of the links work, not sure he's notable — [[User:GrimRob|GrimRob]] ([[User talk:GrimRob|talk]]) 22:07, 18 May 2026 (UTC)
: '''Delete''' as nominator [[User:GrimRob|GrimRob]] ([[User talk:GrimRob|talk]]) 22:08, 18 May 2026 (UTC)
&lt;small&gt;'''Vote closes''': 23:00, 25 May 2026 (UTC)&lt;/small&gt;</text>
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  <page>
    <title>Louis-Édouard-François-Desiré Pie</title>
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      <comment>Created page with &quot;'''[[w:Louis-Édouard-François-Desiré Pie|]]''' (26 September 1815 – 18 May 1880) was a French prelate of the Catholic Church who served as the bishop of the [[w:Roman Catholic Diocese of Poitiers|Diocese of Poitiers]].  == Quotes ==  *Since the time has not come for Christ to reign, then the time has not come for government to last. ** [[s:Catholic Encyclopedia (1913)/Louis-Edouard-Désiré Pie|Louis-Edouard-Désiré Pie ''Catholic Encyclopedia'']]  == External link...&quot;</comment>
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      <text bytes="776" sha1="ke3usiaja25s5o4nr242jjefxpocqxv" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:Louis-Édouard-François-Desiré Pie|Louis-Édouard-François-Desiré Pie]]''' (26 September 1815 – 18 May 1880) was a French prelate of the Catholic Church who served as the bishop of the [[w:Roman Catholic Diocese of Poitiers|Diocese of Poitiers]].

== Quotes ==

*Since the time has not come for Christ to reign, then the time has not come for government to last.
** [[s:Catholic Encyclopedia (1913)/Louis-Edouard-Désiré Pie|Louis-Edouard-Désiré Pie ''Catholic Encyclopedia'']]

== External links== 
{{Wikipedia}}
{{commonscat}}

{{DEFAULTSORT:Pie, Louis-Édouard-François-Desiré}} 
[[Category:1815 births]]
[[Category:Catholics from France]]
[[Category:Clergy from France]]
[[Category:Roman Catholic bishops]]
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  <page>
    <title>Abolish money</title>
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      <text bytes="42638" sha1="d6wbnp4fmvfsidkpbzhhmzk6pesahng" xml:space="preserve">[[File:Burn Your Money.jpg|thumb|[[w:Money burning|'''''Burn Your Money''''']]]]

'''Abolishing [[money]]''' is a communist, [[Logos|rational]]-religious and [[utopia|utopian]] ideal.
== Quotes ==

[[File:Papier toaletowy.jpg|thumb| Money is the devil's dung. — Basil of Caesarea, et al.]]
* '''Money is the devil's dung'''.
** [[Basil of Caesarea]], and then taken up by [[Francis of Assisi]], as quoted in [[Pope Francis]], ''[http://w2.vatican.va/content/francesco/en/speeches/2015/february/documents/papa-francesco_20150228_confcooperative.html To representatives of the Confederation of Italian Cooperatives]'' (28 February 2015)

* I had visited a world incomparably more affluent than this, in which ''' money was unknown and without conceivable use.''' … These exchanges money effected — how equitably, might be seen in a walk from the tenement house districts to the Back Bay [Boston] — at a cost of an army of men taken from productive labor to manage it, with constant ruinous breakdowns of its machinery, and a generally debauching influence on mankind which had justified its description, from ancient time as the &quot;root of all evil.&quot;
** [[Edward Bellamy]], ''[[w:Looking Backward|Looking Backward]]'' (1888)

* Question: If you had the power to create or erase any one law, what would it be? &lt;br&gt; Answer: '''I would create a law that says everything in the world would cost 10 cents.''' I would want this law because a lot of poor or homeless people could afford a house and food.
** Courtni Birks, 11, ''[[w:Arizona Daily Star|Arizona Daily Star]]'' (19 October 2007)

[[File:Glix + 666.jpg|thumb|Communist society will know nothing of money. — Nikolai Bukharin]]
* '''Communist society will know nothing of money.'''
** [[Nikolai Bukharin]], ''[[w:The ABC of Communism|The ABC of Communism]]'' (1919)

* '''It is an offence for a monk: to accept gold or silver with his own hand''', or to get someone else to accept it for him; to buy various articles with gold and silver; to engage in any kind of buying or selling.
** ''Buddhist Scriptures'', [[w:Edward Conze|Edward Conze]], editor (1959)

*'''Commerce is of little use to them, but nevertheless they do know the value of money''' and they mint coins for their ambassadors so that they can purchase with money the provisions which they are unable to take with them, and they get merchants to come to them from all parts of the world in order to sell them their surplus wares. And the children laugh when they see those merchants giving so much merchandise for so little silver, but the older people do not laugh. They do not want to have slaves or foreigners corrupting the city with bad customs.
** [[Tommaso Campanella]], ''[[w:The City of the Sun|The City of the Sun]]'' (1623)

[[File:Castro sign.jpg|thumb|Capitalism is using its money; we socialists throw it away. — Fidel Castro: ''To fight against the impossible and win.'']]
* '''Capitalism is using its money; we socialists throw it away.'''
** [[Fidel Castro]], quoted in [[w:The Observer|''The Observer'']] (8 November 1964)

* Revolted by the unscrupulous pursuit of wealth that marked the age, and shocked by the splendor and luxury of some clergymen, '''[[Saint Francis of Assisi]], denounced money itself as a devil and a curse and bade his followers despise it as dung.'''
** [[Will Durant]], ''[[The_Story_of_Civilization#IV_-_The_Age_of_Faith_(1950)|The Age of Faith]]'' (1950)

[[File:Stamps of Germany (DDR) 1970, MiNr 1622.jpg|thumb|When all capital, all production, and all exchange are concentrated in the hands of the people … money [and stamps] will have become superfluous. — Friedrich Engels]]
* Finally, when all capital, all production, and all exchange are concentrated in the hands of the people, private ownership will automatically have ceased to exist, '''money will have become superfluous''', and production will have so increased and men will be so much changed that the last forms of the old social relations will also be able to fall away.
** [[Friedrich Engels]], ''[[w:The Principals of Communism|The Principals of Communism]]'' (1847) 

* Let every man abide in the art or employment wherein he was called. And for their labor they may receive all necessary things, except money. ... '''Let none of the brothers, wherever he may be or whithersoever he may go, carry or receive money or coin in any manner''', or cause it to be received, either for clothing, or for books, or as the price of any labor, or indeed for any reason, except on account of the manifest necessity of the sick brothers. 
** [[Francis of Assisi]], ''[https://www.hermano-rufino.com/pages/en/francois/ecrits/legislation/1-regle-freres-mineurs First Rule of the Friars Minor]'' (1221), paragraph 8

[[File:Libya 1979 Int Seminar of the Green Book (Col Gaddafi).jpg|thumb|The final step is when the new socialist society reaches the stage where profit and money disappear. — Muammar Gaddafi]]
* The final step is when the new socialist society reaches the stage where ''' profit and money disappear. ''' It is through transforming society into a fully productive society, and through reaching in production a level where the material needs of the members of society are satisfied. On that final stage, profit will automatically disappear and '''there will be no need for money'''.
** [[Muammar Gaddafi]], ''[[w:The Green Book (Gaddafi)|The Green Book: The Solution of the Economic Problem]]'', Part 2 (1977) 

* '''When can I go into the supermarket and buy what I need with my good looks?'''
** [[Allen Ginsberg]], “[[w:America (poem)|America]]” (1956)

[[File:Hraštice, imgp1969 (2018-10).jpg|thumb|Burning their money in wastebaskets and listening to the Terror through the wall. — Allen Ginsberg]]
* Who cowered in unshaven rooms in underwear, '''burning their money in wastebaskets''' and listening to the Terror through the wall.
** [[Allen Ginsberg]], '''“[[w:Howl (poem)|HOWL]]”''' (1955)

* Ho, every one who thirsts, come to the waters; and he who has no money, come buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk ''' without money and without price. '''
** [[Isaiah]], 55:1

[[File:Ill dict infernal p0455 mammon.jpg|thumb|'''''Mammon'' (Money)''']] 
* οὐδεὶς οἰκέτης δύναται δυσὶ κυρίοις δουλεύειν· ἢ γὰρ τὸν ἕνα μισήσει καὶ τὸν ἕτερον ἀγαπήσει, ἢ ἑνὸς ἀνθέξεται καὶ τοῦ ἑτέρου καταφρονήσει. οὐ δύνασθε θεῷ δουλεύειν καὶ [[wikt:μαμωνᾶς|μαμωνᾷ]].  Ἤκουον δὲ ταῦτα πάντα οἱ Φαρισαῖοι [[wikt: φιλάργυρος#Ancient_Greek|φιλάργυροι]] ὑπάρχοντες, καὶ ἐξεμυκτήριζον αὐτόν.
** “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. '''You cannot serve both God and [[mammon|money (μαμωνᾷ)]].”''' The Pharisees, '''who [[wikt: φιλάργυρος#Ancient_Greek| loved money (φιλάργυροι)]],''' heard all this and sneered.
** [[Jesus]] in [[Luke]] 16:13-14, New International Version

* '''Contemptuous of wealth, [the [[Essenes]]] are communists to perfection''' … as with brothers, their entire property belongs to them all. … They possess no one city but everywhere have large colonies. When adherents arrive from elsewhere, all local resources are put at their disposal as if they were their own, and men they have never seen before entertain them like old friends. … ''' Among themselves nothing is bought or sold. '''
** [[Josephus]], ''[[w:The Jewish War|The Jewish War]]'' (c.75 AD)

[[File:Jewish merchants in XIX century Warsaw.PNG|thumb|No one shall work for money. — Rudyard Kipling]]
* And only the Master shall praise us, and only the Master shall blame; &lt;br&gt; And '''no one shall work for money''', and no one shall work for fame; &lt;br&gt; But each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star, &lt;br&gt; Shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They Are!
** [[Rudyard Kipling]], ''[[wikisource: The Seven Seas/L'Envoi|The Seven Seas: L'Envoi]]'' (1896)

[[File:M1 money supply 1960-2021.png|thumb|When bacteria enter a person’s bloodstream, a person’s health is gradually undermined. It is the same with money as with bacteria. — Denjiro Shusui Kotoku&lt;br&gt; &lt;br&gt;''U.S. M1 Money Supply spikes during Covid in 2020'']]
* '''When bacteria enter a person’s bloodstream, a person’s health is gradually undermined. It is the same with money as with bacteria.''' Since money has unlimited power in the world, the ways of the world are bound to be increasingly debased. Step by step, morality is bound to be ruined and human nature faced with corruption. In the end, society is driven to destruction. … &lt;br&gt; Nobody willingly becomes a prostitute. Nobody willingly sells their honour. There is nobody who does not want popular customs to be reformed or who does not want morality to be improved. Yet the reason why things work out differently is simply because of money. … '''Unless one abolishes the necessity for money in this world, it is quite impossible to improve the ways of the world or human nature.''' 
** [[w:Kōtoku Shūsui|Denjiro Shusui Kotoku]], [https://web.archive.org/web/20250218132106/https://www.katesharpleylibrary.net/s4mxdq'''''Abolish Money!'''''], ''Yorozu Choho'' (Morning News) (9 February 1900)

[[File:Mad Money (5102417343).jpg|thumb|Money is our madness. — D. H. Lawrence]]
* '''Money is our madness''', our vast collective madness.&lt;br&gt; &lt;br&gt; And of course, if the multitude is mad &lt;br&gt;the individual carries his own grain of insanity around with him. &lt;br&gt; &lt;br&gt; I doubt if any man living hands out a pound note with-out a pang; &lt;br&gt; and a real tremor, if he hands out a ten-pound note. &lt;br&gt; &lt;br&gt; [[File:Inflation value of dollar.webp|thumb|We [[wikt: quail#Verb|quail]], money makes us quail. — D. H. Lawrence]] We quail, money makes us quail. &lt;br&gt; It has got us down, we grovel before it in strange terror. &lt;br&gt; And no wonder, for money has a fearful cruel power among men.&lt;br&gt; &lt;br&gt; But it is not money we are so terrified of, &lt;br&gt; it is the collective money-madness of mankind. &lt;br&gt; &lt;br&gt; For mankind says with one voice: How much is he worth? &lt;br&gt; Has he no money? Then let him eat dirt, and go cold.— &lt;br&gt; &lt;br&gt; [[File:Haitian Dirt Biscuits.jpg|thumb| I shall have to [[w:mud cookie|eat dirt]] / if I have no money. — D. H. Lawrence]] And if I have no money, they will give me a little bread &lt;br&gt; so I do not die, &lt;br&gt; but they will make me eat dirt with it. &lt;br&gt; I shall have to eat dirt, '''I shall have to eat dirt &lt;br&gt; if I have no money'''. &lt;br&gt; &lt;br&gt; It is that that I am frightened of. &lt;br&gt; And that fear can become a delirium. &lt;br&gt; It is fear of my money-mad fellow-men. &lt;br&gt; &lt;br&gt; We must have some money &lt;br&gt; to save us from eating dirt. &lt;br&gt; &lt;br&gt; And this is all wrong. &lt;br&gt; &lt;br&gt; Bread should be free, &lt;br&gt; shelter should be free, &lt;br&gt; fire should be free &lt;br&gt; to all and anybody, all and anybody, all over the world. &lt;br&gt; &lt;br&gt; '''We must regain our sanity about money &lt;br&gt; before we start killing one another about it. &lt;br&gt; It's one thing or the other.'''
** [[D. H. Lawrence]], ''[[wikisource:Pansies (Lawrence)|Pansies]]'', [[wikisource:Pansies (Lawrence)/Money-Madness—|“Money Madness”]] (1929), p.91

[[File:Money Kills (Graffito).png|thumb|Kill money, put money out of existence. — D. H. Lawrence]]
* '''Kill money, put money out of existence.''' &lt;br&gt; It is a perverted instinct, a hidden thought &lt;br&gt; which rots the brain, the blood, the bones, the stones, the soul. &lt;br&gt; &lt;br&gt; Make up your mind about it: &lt;br&gt; that society must establish itself upon a different principle &lt;br&gt; from the one we've got now. &lt;br&gt; &lt;br&gt; We must have the courage of mutual trust. &lt;br&gt; We must have the modesty of simple living. &lt;br&gt; And the individual must have his house, food and fire all free &lt;br&gt; like a bird.
** [[D. H. Lawrence]], ''[[wikisource:Pansies (Lawrence)|Pansies]]'', [[wikisource:Pansies (Lawrence)/Kill Money—|“Kill Money”]] (1929), p.93

[[File:Philadelphia County Prison (Moyamensing Prison) Philadelphia PA (8) 139921pu.jpg|thumb| Prison makes men bad, and the money compulsion / makes men bad. — D. H. Lawrence]]
* Men are not bad, when they are free. &lt;br&gt; Prison makes men bad, and the '''money compulsion &lt;br&gt; makes men bad'''. &lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt; If men were free from the terror of earning a living &lt;br&gt; there would be abundance in the world &lt;br&gt; and men would work gaily.
** [[D. H. Lawrence]], ''[[wikisource:Pansies (Lawrence)|Pansies]]'', [[wikisource:Pansies (Lawrence)/Men Are Not Bad—|“Men Are Not Bad”]] (1929), p.93


* The task of abolishing the essence of Jewry is actually the task of abolishing the Jewish character of civil society, '''abolishing the inhumanity of the present-day practice of life, the most extreme expression of which is the money system'''.
** [[Karl Marx]], ''[[w:The Holy Family (book)|The Holy Family]]'' (1845) 
[[File:The Almightier - Carl Hassmann.jpg|thumb|[[w:Almighty dollar|''The Almightier'']] — Carl Hassmann]] 

* Let us consider the actual, worldly Jew – not the ''Sabbath Jew'', as Bauer does, but the ''everyday Jew''. Let us not look for the secret of the Jew in his religion, but let us look for the secret of his religion in the real Jew.  What is the secular basis of [[Judaism]]? ''Practical'' need, ''self-interest''. What is the worldly religion of the Jew? ''Huckstering''. What is his worldly God? ''Money''. Very well then! Emancipation from ''huckstering'' and ''money'', consequently from practical, real Judaism, would be the self-emancipation of our time.  An organization of society which would abolish the preconditions for huckstering, and therefore the possibility of huckstering, would make the Jew impossible. His religious consciousness would be dissipated like a thin haze in the real, vital air of society. On the other hand, if the Jew recognizes that this ''practical'' nature of his is futile and works to abolish it, he extricates himself from his previous development and works for ''human emancipation'' as such and turns against the supreme practical expression of human self-estrangement. … &lt;br&gt;'''The god of ''practical need and self-interest is money.''''' …&lt;br&gt; Money is the jealous god of Israel, in face of which no other god may exist. Money degrades all the gods of man – and turns them into commodities. Money is the universal self-established ''value'' of all things. It has, therefore, robbed the whole world – both the world of men and nature – of its specific value. Money is the estranged essence of man’s work and man’s existence, and this alien essence dominates him, and he worships it.
** [[Karl Marx]], ''[[w:On the Jewish Question|On the Jewish Question]]'', part 2, [https://www.marxists.org/archive/marx/works/1844/jewish-question/ Bruno Bauer, “The Capacity of Present-day Jews and Christians to Become Free,”] (italics in original) (1843)

[[File:Thomas More Utopia November 1518 Vtopiae Insvla (The Folger Shakespeare Library).jpg|thumb|In Utopia all greed for money was entirely removed with the use of money. — Thomas More]]
* '''In Utopia all greed for money was entirely removed with the use of money.''' What a mass of troubles was then cut away! What a crop of crimes was then pulled up by the roots! Who does not know that fraud, theft, rapine, quarrels, disorders, brawls, seditions, murders, treasons, poisonings, which are avenged rather than restrained by daily executions, die out with the destruction of money? Who does not know that fear, anxiety, worries, toils, and sleepless nights will also perish at the same time as money? What is more, poverty, which alone money seemed to make poor, forthwith would itself dwindle and disappear if money were entirely done away with everywhere.
** [[Thomas More]], ''[[w:Utopia (book)|Utopia]]'' (1516)

[[File:President Ronald Reagan sharing a laugh.jpg|thumb|He laughed loud and merrily, as if the idea of being paid for his work was a very funny joke. — William Morris]]
* I blushed, and said, stammering, &quot;Please don't take it amiss if I ask you; I mean no offence: but what ought I to pay you? You see I am a stranger, and don't know your customs — or your coins.&quot; And therewith I took a handful of money out of my pocket, as one does in a foreign country. … &quot;I think I know what you mean,&quot; my new friend said thoughtfully, &quot;you think I have done you a service; so you feel yourself bound to give me something special. I have heard of this kind of thing; but pardon me for saying, that seems to us a troublesome and roundabout custom; and we don't know how to manage it. And you see this ferrying and giving people casts about the water is my business, which I would do for anybody; so to take gifts in connection with it would look very queer. Besides, if one person gave me something, then another might, and another, and so on; and I hope you won't think me rude if I say that I shouldn't know where to stow away so many mementos of friendship.&quot; And '''he laughed loud and merrily, as if the idea of being paid for his work was a very funny joke.'''
** [[William Morris]], ''[[w:News from Nowhere|News from Nowhere]]'' (1891)

* '''Money, ''' which has hitherto been the root, if not of all evil, of great injustice, oppression, and misery to the human race, making some slavish producers of wealth, and others its wasteful consumers or destroyers, ''' will be no longer required to carry on the business of life:''' for as wealth of all kinds will be so delightfully created in greater abundance than will ever be required, no money price will be known, for happiness will not be purchasable, except by a reciprocity of good actions and kind feelings. 
** [[Robert Owen]], ''[https://archive.org/details/bookofnewmoralwo00owen The Book of the New Moral World]'' (1842-4)

* '''Gold and silver, we shall tell them, they will not need, having the divine counterparts of those metals always in their souls as a god-given possession, whose purity it is not lawful to sully by the acquisition of that mortal dross, current among mankind, which has been the occasion of so many unholy deeds.''' 
** [[Plato]], ''[[Republic]]'' (400 BC)

[[file:Mural painting celebrating Pol Pot in Sundsvall.jpg|thumb|Why have you abolished the role of money?]]
* Question 4: Why are your cities deserted today. '''Why have you abolished the role of money''', the system of monthly wages, and the trade network? &lt;br&gt; Answer (Pol Pot): We had to ask the people to go and live in the countryside in order to solve the food problem. … Staying in the cities meant starvation… As for the question of money … It is up to the people. '''If the people want to use money again, we will use money again. If they see that it is not necessary, it is up to them.'''
** [[Pol Pot]], [https://archive.org/details/InterviewOfComradePolPotSecretaryOfTheCentralCommitteeOfThe Interview with Yugoslav journalists (4/17/78), ''Journal of Contemporary Asia''], 8 (3) (1978)

[[File:Bezbozhnik u stanka 22-1929 (cropped).jpg|thumb|The Russian Communist Party endeavours to promote a series of measures favouring a moneyless system of account keeping, and paving the way for the abolition of money.]]
* '''In the opening stage of the transition from capitalism to communism, ''' and prior to the organisation of a fully developed system for the communist production and distribution of goods, ''' the abolition of money is impossible.''' In these circumstances, the bourgeois elements of the population continue to use for speculation, profit-making, and the plundering of the workers, the monetary tokens that still remain in private ownership. Upon the basis of the nationalisation of banking, the Russian Communist Party endeavours to promote a series of measures favouring a moneyless system of account keeping, and '''paving the way for the abolition of money'''.
** ''[[w:Second Program of the CPSU|Program of the Communist Party of Russia]]'' (1919)

* [[Fidel Castro]] says: &quot;We've done way with a lot of privileges and inequalities and we want all of them to disappear, but the real problem isn't to redistribute income or equalize wares. '''“We must break from the mastery of money, get rid of money altogether.”'''
** [[w:Jerry Rubin|Jerry Rubin]], ''Do It!'' (1970)

* '''There is a very great deal to be said for the Anarchist plan of allowing necessaries,''' and all commodities that can easily be produced in quantities adequate to any possible demand, '''to be given away freely to all who ask for them, in any amounts they may require.''' The question whether this plan should be adopted is, to my mind, a purely technical one: would it be, in fact, possible to adopt it without much waste and consequent diversion of labor to the production of necessaries when it might be more usefully employed otherwise? I have not the means of answering this question, but I think it exceedingly probable that, sooner or later, with continued improvement in the methods of production, this Anarchist plan will become feasible; and when it does, it certainly ought to be adopted.
** [[Bertrand Russell]], ''[https://dn790000.ca.archive.org/0/items/proposedroadstof00russuoft/proposedroadstof00russuoft.pdf Proposed Roads to Freedom]'' (1919) p.196

[[File:Leonard Nimoy William Shatner Star Trek 1968.JPG|thumb|'''In Star Trek they did not use money.''' — [[w:Trekonomics|''Trekonomics: The Economics of Star Trek'']]]]
* '''In [[Star Trek]] the [[w:Post-scarcity economy|post-scarcity economy]] of the [[w:United Federation of Planets|United Federation of Planets]] did not use money.'''
** Manu Saadia, [[w:Trekonomics|''Trekonomics: The Economics of Star Trek'']] (2016)

[[File:The Song of Sixpence Pocket Book pg 21.jpg|thumb|When I am king … there shall be no money. — Shakespeare]]
* {{smallcaps|Jack Cade}}: And when I am king, as king I will be … '''There shall be no money''' … &lt;br&gt; {{smallcaps|Dick (the butcher)}}: '''The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.'''
''Full quote:''
* {{smallcaps|Cade}}: Be brave, then, for your captain is brave and vows reformation. There shall be in England seven halfpenny loaves sold for a penny. The three-hooped pot shall have ten hoops, and I will make it felony to drink small beer. All the realm shall be in common, and in Cheapside shall my palfrey go to grass. And when I am king, as king I will be — &lt;br&gt; {{smallcaps|All}}: God save your Majesty! &lt;br&gt;{{smallcaps|Cade}}: I thank you, good people. — '''There shall be no money'''; all shall eat and drink on my score; and I will apparel them all in one livery, that they may agree like brothers and worship me their lord. &lt;br&gt; {{smallcaps|Dick}}: '''The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers.'''
** [[Shakespeare]], [[2 Henry VI]], Act 4, Scene 2 (c.1590)

* '''The dictature of money marches on, tending to its material peak, in the [[wikt:Faustian|Faustian]] civilization as in every other.''' And now something happens that is intelligible only to one who has penetrated the essence of money. If it were anything tangible, then its existence would be forever — but, as it is a form of thought, ''it fades out as soon as it has thought its economic world to finality'', and has no more material upon which to feed. … We have not the freedom to reach to this or that, but to do the necessary or to do nothing. And a task that historic necessity has set will be accomplished with the individual or against him.
** [[Oswald Spengler]], ''[[w:The Decline of the West|The Decline of the West]]'', Vol. 2, conclusion [italics in original] (1922)

[[File:Wageslavery.jpg|thumb|Money is a new and terrible form of slavery. — Tolstoy]]
* '''Money is a new and terrible form of slavery''', and like the old form of personal slavery it demoralizes both slave and slave-owner, only much more, for it frees the slave and the slave-owner from personal, human relations with one another.
** [[Leo Tolstoy]], ''[[w:What Is to Be Done? (Tolstoy book)|What Must We Do?]]'' (1886)

[[File:Leon Trotsky-TIME-1927.jpg|thumb|In a communist society, the state and money will disappear. — Leon Trotsky]]
* '''In a communist society, the state and money will disappear.''' Their gradual dying away ought consequently to begin under socialism. We shall be able to speak of the actual triumph of socialism only at that historical moment when the state turns into a semi-state, and money begins to lose its magic power. This will mean that socialism, having freed itself from capitalist fetishes, is beginning to create a more lucid, free and worthy relation among men. Such characteristically anarchist demands as the ‘abolition’ of money, ‘abolition’ of wages, or ‘liquidation’ of the state and family, possess interest merely as models of mechanical thinking. Money cannot be arbitrarily ‘abolished’, nor the state and the old family ‘liquidated.’ They have to exhaust their historic mission, evaporate, and fall away. The deathblow to money fetishism will be struck only upon that stage when the steady growth of social wealth has made us bipeds forget our miserly attitude toward every excess minute of labor, and our humiliating fear about the size of our ration. Having lost its ability to bring happiness or trample men in the dust, money will turn into mere bookkeeping receipts for the convenience of statisticians and for planning purposes. In the still more distant future, probably these receipts will not be needed. But we can leave this question entirely to posterity, who will be more intelligent than we are.
** [[Leon Trotsky]], ''[https://www.marxists.org/archive/trotsky/1936/revbet/ch04.htm The Struggle for Productivity of Labor]'' (1936)

* As soon as dinner was over, both Candide and Cacambo thought they should pay very handsomely for their entertainment by laying down two of ''' those large gold pieces which they had picked off the ground; ''' but the landlord and landlady burst into a fit of laughing, and held their sides for some time. When the fit was over: &quot;Gentlemen,&quot; said the landlady, &quot;I plainly perceive you are strangers, and such we are not accustomed to see; pardon us therefore for laughing when you offered us the common pebbles of our highways for payment of your reckoning. To be sure, you have none of the coin of this kingdom; but there is no necessity for having any money at all to dine in this house. All the inns, which are established for the convenience of those who carry on the trade of this nation, are maintained by the government.
** [[Voltaire]], ''[[w:Candide|Candide]]'' (1759)

== Reasons for abolishing money ==
[[File:Sociedad del Dinero.png|thumb|center|Money makes the world go ‘round. — [[Cabaret (1972 film)]]]]

[[File:Moret sur Loing-Maison Raccolet-L'usurier-20120920.jpg|thumb|The most hated sort (of wealth getting) and with the greatest reason, is usury. — Aristotle]] 
* '''The most hated sort (of wealth getting) and with the greatest reason, is [[usury]]''' ([[wikt:ὀβολοστάτης|ὀβολοστάτης]]), which makes a gain out of money itself and not from the natural object of it. For money was intended to be used in exchange but not to increase at interest. And this term '''[[Gottfried_Feder#&quot;Manifesto_for_the_Abolition_of_Enslavement_to_Interest_on_Money&quot;_(1919)|interest]] ([[wikt:τόκος|τόκος]]), which means the birth of money from money''' is applied to the breeding of money because the offspring resembles the parent. Wherefore '''of all modes of getting wealth, this is the most unnatural.'''
** [[Aristotle]], ''[[Politics (Aristotle)|Politics]]'', 1258b (350 BC)

[[File:Human Passions Delineated (BM 1978,U.1037.6).jpg|thumb|The Hypocrite: ''A priest and a devil counting coins singing a hymn to Money''. — Tim Bobbin]]
* This hypocrite, whose holy look and dress &lt;br&gt; Seem Heaven-born, whose heart is nothing less: &lt;br&gt; '''He preaches, prays, and sings for worldly wealth, &lt;br&gt; Till old sly [[Mammon]] takes it all by stealth,''' &lt;br&gt; And leaves him naked on a dreary shore, &lt;br&gt; Where [[wikt:cant|cant]] and nonsense draw in fools no more.
** Tim Bobbin, pseudonym of [[w:John Collier (caricaturist)|John Collier]], [http://www.greatcaricatures.com/articles_galleries/bobbin/html/1773_06_04.html “Human Passions Delineated”], Plate 4: ''The Hypocrite'' (England, 1773)

[[File:Lincoln Money devil.jpg|thumb|The love of money is the mother-city of all evils. — Diogenes]]
* The love of money is the mother-city of all evils. 
** [[Diogenes]], ''Apothegm'' (c.350 BC)

* They shall cast their silver in the streets, and their gold shall be as an unclean thing; their silver and their gold shall not be able to deliver them in the day of the wrath of the Lord; they shall not satisfy their souls, neither fill their bowels; because it hath been the stumblingblock of their iniquity. 
** [[Ezekiel]], 7

[[File:Continental Currency One-Third-Dollar 17-Feb-76 obv.jpg|thumb|These counterfeits, issued by the British government in New York, circulated among the inhabitants of all the states, before the fraud was detected. — Benjamin Franklin]]
*The artists they employed performed so well that immense quantities of [[w:Early_American_currency#Continental_currency|these counterfeits]], which issued from the British government in New York, were circulated among the inhabitants of all the states, before the fraud was detected. This operated significantly in depreciating the whole mass.
** [[Benjamin Franklin]] quoted in, ''Counterfeiting in Colonial America'',  Scott, Kenneth (2000) Philadelphia: University of Pennsylvania Press. pp. 259–260. ''[[w:Early_American_currency#Continental_currency|This counterfeiting fraud was economic warfare.]]''

[[File:Безбожник у станка 14.jpg|thumb|The money pigs of capitalist democracy … has made slaves of us. — Joseph Goebbels]]
* '''The money pigs of capitalist democracy…Money has made slaves of us… Money is the curse of mankind.''' It smothers the seed of everything great and good. Every penny is sticky with sweat and blood. 
** [[Joseph Goebbels]], quoted in ''The Nazi Party: A Complete History 1919-1945'', Dietrich Orlow, New York: NY, Enigma Books, 2012, p 61. Goebbels’ article, “Nationalsozialisten aus Berlin und aus dem Reich”, ''Voelkischer Beobachter'' (4 February 1927)

[[File:Bank-notes, paper-money,-French-alarmists,-o, the devil, the devil!-Ah! poor John-Bull!!! (BM J,3.96).jpg|thumb|Such paper, stead of gold and jewelry / So handy is… — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe]]
[[File:A view of the deluge of Scotch paper currency for English gold (BM 1855,0609.1955).jpg|thumb|”The Paper Money Scheme” — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe]]

* {{smallcaps|Mephostopholes}}: &lt;br&gt;'''Such paper, stead of gold and jewelry,&lt;br&gt;So handy is''' — one knows one's property: &lt;br&gt;One has no need of bargains or exchanges, &lt;br&gt;But drinks of love or wine, as fancy ranges. &lt;br&gt;If one needs coin, the brokers ready stand, &lt;br&gt;And if it fail, one digs awhile the land. &lt;br&gt;Goblet and chain one then at auction sells, &lt;br&gt;And paper, liquidated thus, compels &lt;br&gt;The shame of doubters and their scornful wit. &lt;br&gt;The people wish naught else; they're used to it: &lt;br&gt;From this time forth, your borders, far and wide, &lt;br&gt;With jewels, gold and paper are supplied. &lt;br&gt;{{smallcaps|Emperor}}: &lt;br&gt; You've given our empire this prosperity; &lt;br&gt;The pay, then, equal to the service be! &lt;br&gt;The soil entrusted to your keeping, shall you &lt;br&gt;The best custodian be, to guard its value… &lt;br&gt;This, your new dignity, to wear with pleasure, &lt;br&gt;And bring the Upper World, erewhile asunder, &lt;br&gt;In happiest conjunction with the Under. &lt;br&gt; {{smallcaps|Treasurer}}: &lt;br&gt; No further strife shall shake our joint position; &lt;br&gt;I like to have as partner the magician.
** [[Johann Wolfgang von Goethe]], ''[[Faust]]'', (1831) “'''[[wikisource:Faust_(trans._Bayard_Taylor)/Act_I/IV|The Paper Money Scheme]]'''” See also: [[w:Paper Money Riot|Paper Money Riot]] in the United States.

[[File:Thomas Theodor Heine - The Lord of the world.jpg|thumb|center| ''The Lord of the World. He does not disarm!'' — [[w:Thomas Theodor Heine|Thomas Theodor Heine]]]]

* '''Our fight is with money. Work alone will help us, not money. We must smash [[Gottfried_Feder#&quot;Manifesto_for_the_Abolition_of_Enslavement_to_Interest_on_Money&quot;_(1919)|interest slavery]].'''
** [[Adolf Hitler]], speech at the hall of Zum Deutschen Reich (December 18, 1919), quoted in [[w:Thomas Weber | Thomas Weber]], ''Becoming Hitler: The Making of a Nazi'' (Basic Books, 2017), p. 138.

[[File:&quot;Money is your GOD&quot; @ Paris (8035507479).jpg|thumb|Money became more and more of a God. — Adolf Hitler]]
* In proportion to the extent that commerce assumed definite control of the State, '''money became more and more of a God''' whom all had to serve and bow down to. '''Heavenly Gods became more and more old-fashioned and were laid away in the corners to make room for the worship of [[Mammon|mammon]]'''. And thus began a period of utter degeneration which became specially pernicious because it set in at a time when the nation was more than ever in need of an exalted idea, for a critical hour was threatening.
** [[Adolf Hitler]], [[Mein Kampf]], (1925) Volume 1, Chapter 10
*** Translated by James Murphy, 1939

* [[w:Pelatiah Webster|Pelatiah Webster]] says of this paper and the [[w:Early_American_currency#Continental_currency|continental currency]]: “We have suffered more from this cause than from any other cause or calamity. “It has killed more men, pervaded and corrupted the choicest interests of our country and done more injustice than even the arms and artifices of our enemies.”
** [[w:John Jay Knox Jr.|John Jay Knox Jr.]], ''[https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/5/52/United_States_notes_-_a_history_of_the_various_issues_of_paper_money_by_the_government_of_the_United_States_%28IA_unitedstatesnote00knox_0%29.pdf United States Notes: A History of the Various Issues of Paper Money by the Government of the United States]'' PDF (1885) p.4

* '''The demonic person thinks:''' &quot;So much wealth do I have today, and I will gain more and more according to my schemes. So much is mine now, and it will increase in the future, more and more. He is my enemy, and I have killed him; and my other enemy will also be killed. I am the lord of everything, I am the enjoyer, I am perfect, powerful and happy. I am the richest man, surrounded by aristocratic relatives. There is none so powerful and happy as I am. I shall perform sacrifices, I shall give some charity, and thus shall I rejoice.&quot; In this way, such persons are deluded by ignorance.
** [[Krishna]], ''[[Bhagavad-Gita]]'', xvi, 16

[[File:Gospel of Luke Chapter 19-13 (Bible Illustrations by Sweet Media).jpg|thumb|[[Cleansing of the Temple|Jesus upsetting the money changers and their tables]]]] [[File:Albrecht Dürer, Christ Expelling the Moneylenders from the Temple, probably c. 1509-1510, NGA 6757.jpg|thumb| It is written, ‘My house shall be a house of prayer,’ but you have made it a den of robbers. — Jesus]]
* '''Jesus went into the temple of God, and cast out all them that sold and bought in the temple, and overthrew the tables of the moneychangers''', and the seats of them that sold doves, &lt;br&gt; And said unto them, It is written, My house shall be called the house of prayer; but ye have made it a den of thieves.
** [[Matthew]] 21:12-13, [[KJV]]

* George Read thought the words [allowing the Federal government to “emit bills of credit” i.e., print paper money], if not struck out [of the Constitution] would be as alarming as the [[mark of the beast]] in [[Revelation]]. 
** [[James Madison]], ''[https://avalon.law.yale.edu/18th_century/debates_816.asp Notes of Debates in the Federal Convention of 1787]'' (16 August 1787)

* '''Since gold does not disclose what has been transformed into it, everything, commodity or not, is convertible into gold. ''' Everything becomes saleable and buyable. ''' Circulation becomes the great social retort into which everything is thrown, to come out again as crystallized gold.''' Not even are the bones of Saints, and still less are more delicate ''res sactosancte extra commercium hominum'' [Sacrosanct things, beyond everyday affairs] able to withstand this alchemy. Just as every qualitative difference between commodities is extinguished in money, so money, on its side, like the radical leveler that it is, does away with all distinctions.
** [[Karl Marx]], ''[[w:Das Kapital|Capital]]'' (1867)

* The whole world will be set in order by land and sea … if you deprive money, which is the root of all evil, of its advantage and honor.
** [[Sallust]], ''[https://penelope.uchicago.edu/Thayer/E/Roman/Texts/Sallust/pseudo/Oratio_ad_Caesarem*.html| Speech to Caesar]'' (c45 BC) 7.1-3

[[File:Albrecht Dürer 004.jpg|thumb|This is it / That makes the wappen'd widow wed again. — Shakespeare]]
[[File:18960415 antisemitic political cartoon in Sound Money.jpg|thumb|Pierced by the [[Gold standard|Gold Standard]] — [[wikt:sound money|''Sound Money'']] magazine (April 15, 1896)]]
[[File:Cross of gold speech cartoon.jpg|thumb|[[w:Cross of Gold speech|Crucified on a Cross of Gold]] — [[William Jennings Bryan]] (July 9, 1896)]]
* {{smallcaps|Timon}} &lt;br/&gt; '''Gold? Yellow, glittering, precious gold?''' &lt;br/&gt; No Gods, I am no idle [[wikt:votary|votarist]]! … &lt;br/&gt; Thus much of this will make black white, foul fair, &lt;br/&gt; Wrong right, base noble, old young, coward valiant… &lt;br/&gt; Why, this, &lt;br/&gt; Will lug your priests and servants from your sides, &lt;br/&gt; Pluck stout men's pillows from below their heads: &lt;br/&gt; This yellow slave &lt;br/&gt; Will knit and break religions, bless the accursed; &lt;br/&gt; Make the hoar leprosy adored, place thieves &lt;br/&gt; And give them title, knee and approbation &lt;br/&gt; With senators on the bench: &lt;br/&gt; '''This is it &lt;br/&gt; That makes the [[wikt:wappened|wappen'd]] widow wed again'''; &lt;br/&gt; She whom the [[wikt:spitalhouse|spital-house]] and ulcerous sores &lt;br/&gt; Would [[wikt:gorge#Usage_notes|cast the gorge at]], this embalms and spices &lt;br/&gt; To the April day again. … &lt;br/&gt; Damned earth, &lt;br/&gt; Thou common whore of mankind, that putt'st odds &lt;br/&gt; Among the rout of nations. … &lt;br/&gt; &lt;br/&gt; (⌜To his gold.⌝) O thou sweet king-killer, and dear divorce &lt;br/&gt; Twixt natural son and sire! thou bright defiler &lt;br/&gt; Of [[w:Hymen (god)|Hymen's]] purest bed! thou valiant [[w:Mars (mythology)|Mars]]! &lt;br/&gt; Thou ever young, fresh, loved and delicate wooer, &lt;br/&gt; Whose blush doth thaw the consecrated snow &lt;br/&gt; That lies on [[w:Diana (mythology)|Dian's]] lap! &lt;br/&gt; Thou visible God! &lt;br/&gt; That solderest close impossibilities, &lt;br/&gt; And mak'st them kiss! &lt;br/&gt; That speak'st with every tongue, &lt;br/&gt; To every purpose! &lt;br/&gt; O thou touch of hearts! &lt;br/&gt; Think thy slave man rebels, and by thy virtue &lt;br/&gt; Set them into confounding odds, '''that [[mark of the beast|beasts]] &lt;br/&gt; May have the world in empire!'''
** [[Shakespeare]], [[Timon of Athens]] (1606), Act 4 Scene 3
*** Quoted by [[Karl Marx]], in [https://www.marxists.org/archive/marx/works/1844/manuscripts/power.htm ''Economic and Philosophic Manuscripts of 1844, '''The Power of Money''''']

[[File:EXXXotica Miami 2010 (4629570540).jpg|thumb|Money seduces and corrupts native innocents. — Sophocles]]
*{{smallcaps|Creon}} &lt;br/&gt; '''Of evils current upon earth&lt;br/&gt;The worst is money.''' &lt;br/&gt; Money 'tis that sacks &lt;br/&gt; Cities, and drives men forth from hearth and home; &lt;br/&gt;Warps and seduces native innocence, &lt;br/&gt;And breeds a habit of dishonesty. &lt;br/&gt;
** [[Sophocles]], [[Antigone]] (441 BC), translated by Francis Storr (1912)

[[File:1968 Performance del Living Theatre al Politecnico.jpg|thumb|You can't live if you don't have money! / I am outside the Gates of Paradise! — The Living Theater]]
* I am not allowed to travel without a passport … / My boundaries are set arbitrarily by others! / The Gates of Paradise are closed to me! …&lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt; I don't know how to stop the wars! / '''You can't live if you don't have money!''' … / I'm not allowed to take my clothes off! …&lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt; The actors begin to strip and when the stripping reached the legal limit, the actors shouted once more, &quot;I'm not allowed to take my clothes off! I am outside the Gates of Paradise!&quot;
** [[w:The Living Theatre|The Living Theatre]], ''Paradise Now,'' February 28, 1969 quoted in, ''No One Here Gets Out Alive,'' J. Hopkins &amp; D. Sugerman (1980)

* Almost any man knows how to earn money, but not one in a million knows how to spend it. If he had known so much as this, he would never have earned it.
** [[Henry David Thoreau]], ''[[Walden]]'' (1837-46)

[[File:Money of the Beast 666.jpg|thumb|'''''[[mark of the beast|Money of the Beast]]''''']]
* &lt;p&gt;καὶ ποιεῖ πάντας, τοὺς μικροὺς καὶ τοὺς μεγάλους, καὶ τοὺς πλουσίους καὶ τοὺς πτωχούς, καὶ τοὺς ἐλευθέρους καὶ τοὺς δούλους, ἵνα δῶσιν αὐτοῖς [[wikt:χάραγμα|χάραγμα]] ἐπὶ τῆς χειρὸς αὐτῶν τῆς δεξιᾶς ἢ ἐπὶ τὸ μέτωπον αὐτῶν, &lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt; καὶ ἵνα μή τις δύνηται ἀγοράσαι ἢ πωλῆσαι εἰ μὴ ὁ ἔχων τὸ χάραγμα, τὸ ὄνομα τοῦ θηρίου ἢ τὸν ἀριθμὸν τοῦ ὀνόματος αὐτοῦ.&lt;/p&gt;
**And he causeth all, both small and great, rich and poor, free and bond, to receive a [[wikt:χάραγμα|mark (χάραγμα)]] in their right hand, or in their foreheads:&lt;p&gt;And '''that no man might buy or sell, save he that had the money (χάραγμα)''', or the name '''of the beast''', or the number of his name.&lt;/p&gt;
** ''[[Book of Revelation]]'', 13:16–17

== See also ==
{{col-begin}}
{{col-2}}
* [[Cleansing of the Temple|Jesus cleanses the Temple of moneychangers]]
* [[Mammon]]
* [[Gottfried_Feder#&quot;Manifesto_for_the_Abolition_of_Enslavement_to_Interest_on_Money&quot;_(1919)|Mammonism &amp; Interest slavery]]
* [[Mark of the beast]]
* [[Money]] 
{{col-2}}
* [[Plutocracy]] 
* [[Usury]]
* [[Utopia]]
* [[Wage slavery]]
{{col-end}}

== External links ==
{{wikipedia|Non-monetary economy}}
{{Wikisource|The Abolition of Money}}
{{wiktionary|Mammon}}

[[Category:Communism]]
[[Category:Economics]]
[[Category:Themes]]
[[Category:Wealth]]</text>
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  <page>
    <title>James Fishback</title>
    <ns>0</ns>
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      <id>3942627</id>
      <timestamp>2026-05-19T09:49:29Z</timestamp>
      <contributor>
        <username>Joreberg</username>
        <id>323041</id>
      </contributor>
      <comment>Created the page</comment>
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      <text bytes="2523" sha1="27em0k418ssbksfm78tlwm3y1hr9vfc" xml:space="preserve">'''[[w:James Fishback |James Thomas Fishback]]''' (born January 1, 1995) is an American investor and political candidate for the Republican nomination in the 2026 Florida gubernatorial election.

Fishback worked for hedge fund Greenlight Capital from 2021 until 2023. He founded Azoria Partners, an investment management firm that later launched an ETF before it was shut down by the company's independent trustees over legal concerns. In the summer of 2025, Fishback made attempts to associate himself with President Donald Trump, falsely claiming to have been an advisor at the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) and later launching an unsuccessful campaign to be nominated to the Federal Reserve Board of Governors. In November 2025, Fishback launched a campaign for the Republican nomination for Florida governor.

Fishback has been involved in various legal disputes. In 2022, the Broward County School District cut ties with him and a debate league he ran following allegations that he sexually groomed an underage girl while running in-person debate tournaments for middle and high school students that she participated in. Fishback denied the allegations and threatened to sue the parents who made them, but later moved in with and was briefly engaged to her after she turned 18. In 2023, Fishback initiated a dispute with his former employer, Greenlight Capital, regarding his job title; the dispute culminated in Fishback's 2025 admission that he had illicitly shared and used confidential Greenlight information.

== Quotes ==

* You should be lynched.
** Answered to a black person on a question regarding allegations that Fishback had a sexual relationship with a 17 year old girl, quoted in [https://www.al.com/politics/2026/04/you-should-be-lynched-florida-gop-governor-candidate-faces-backlash-over-slur-to-black-voter.html &quot;‘You should be lynched’: Florida GOP governor candidate faces backlash over slur to Black voter&quot;] ''AL.com'' (April 3, 2026)

* I respect President Trump, but if he brings 500,000 Chinese students to Florida colleges, I will raise tuition on them to $1,000,000/year. As Governor, I refuse to let the  limited admission spots at our taxpayer-funded colleges be stolen by foreigners.
** [https://newrepublic.com/post/210539/maga-reeling-trump-welcomes-chinese-students-us-farms-xi &quot;Trump Just Hit a Pathetic New Low&quot;] ''The New Republic'' (May 18, 2026)

==External links==
{{wikipedia}}

[[Category:Nationalists]]
[[Category:Republican Party (United States) politicians]]</text>
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